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fd_Dawson_s_Creek_04x21

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[Scene: The Capeside High Cafeteria. Jen and Jack are sitting at a table eating their lunch together.] Jen: Ok, please, just give me something. Anything. A small juicy little morsel just to tide me over so I can keep on living vicariously through you. Jack: First of all, when discussing my love life, try not to use the word juicy or morsel. Ok? It cheapens me. Jen: Fine. Fine. But you and Tobey are going out again, right? Jack: Yes, we are going out again. Jen: And? Jack: And that's all you're getting. Jen: Might I remind you that it was me that got the 2 of you together? Jack: Mm-hmm. Jen: Don't make me beg. Because I'll do it and it won't be pretty. [Drue comes up and takes a seat at their table.] Drue: Actually, begging happens to be a great look for you. Especially when you stick out that pouty lower lip. It's very sexy. Jen: Well, I must be off my game, Drue. Normally I can smell you coming a mile away. Drue: Be nice or you won't get your yearbooks. [He hands them each a yearbook.] Jen: Ooh! Jack: Nice. Jen: That is uncharacteristically nice of you. What's going on? Drue: Hey, how many prom drownings do I have to rescue you from before you accept the new me? Jen: Maybe one...or two. Drue: Hmm. If we can all turn to page 53 in our prayer books, I think we should bow our heads in a moment of silence. [They open the books to see the picture of Pacey and Joey, Class Couple.] Jen: I wonder if they've seen this yet? Jack: Or if they're talking yet? Drue: I wonder if anyone besides you 2 cares? Jen: Well, as far as I know, they haven't said so much as a hello since the prom debacle. Jack: Same goes for Dawson and Gretchen. Jen: See, that confuses me. I mean, I was sure that they would've gotten back together by now. They're so good for each other. Jack: Well, you know, long distance relationships can be tough. He's gonna be in L.A. You know, the way I see it, if anybody's getting back together, Joey and Pacey. Drue: Blah, blah, blah. All you guys do is talk. You know what? I say it's time we take some action. [Takes out some money and holds it in front of them.] Drue: [Chuckles] Who will live to suck face another day? Will it be Joey and Pacey? Gretchen and Dawson? Both...or neither? Jack: It's disgusting. Jen: Yeah, it's really inappropriate, Drue. Jack: Jen, spot me 2 bucks. Jen: I can do that. I got it here. I have a 20. Take it all the way, baby. [Dawson and Joey walk up and they quickly hide the money.] Dawson: Hey, guys, what's up? Jack: Whoa! Jen: Dawson, Joey. Jack: You guys eaten? [Jen shows Joey a picture] Jen: Cute, huh? Joey: Aw. [Opening Credits] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Dawson's Bedroom. Dawson is working on his computer when his mother comes into the room] Gale: [Knock on door] Busy? Dawson: Oh, yeah. I'm just doing some last looks on this Brooks film before I send it off to USC. If I got any chance at all of getting in their summer program this has to be out by tomorrow. Gale: Honey, have you talked to Gretchen yet? Dawson: [Sigh] There's not really much to talk about. Gale: But are you ok with the way things were left between the 2 of you? Dawson: Well, I'm not doing cartwheels. But, you know, what do you expect? I'm sure we'll eventually find a way to restore our friendship. Gale: Well, I don't see how you're gonna restore your friendship if you're not speaking. Dawson: Well, it's my friendship so I'll handle it. [Gale gets up to go but turns back to him] Gale: Gretchen's leaving town. Dawson: When? How do you know? Gale: She gave her notice a couple days ago. Today's her last day at the restaurant. So it must be soon then. I just thought you'd want to know if you want to say good-bye. Dawson: Well, she didn't tell me she was leaving. So obviously she doesn't want me to know. Gale: No. No, the truth is, Dawson, you don't know what Gretchen's thinking right now. So why don't you go over there and find out? You could, uh...ask her to sign your yearbook, that's always a good way to start a conversation. Dawson: Mom, I appreciate the effort, but aside from that being a painfully lame idea, that's such a thinly veiled attempt at a reconciliation I'm not even sure there's a veil there. Gale: Well, then I'm sure you'll think of something better. But if you want to keep Gretchen in your life, honey, you're gonna have to talk to her, and you're gonna have to do it soon. [Scene: Outside Pacey and Gretchen's Place. Pacey is fixing her car, when she comes out carrying a pop and a sandwich.] Gretchen: Hey. How's it going? Pacey: This baby should run for another 2,000-3,000 miles, easy. Though it wouldn't kill you to change the oil every once in a millennium. Gretchen: I'll try and remember that. Oh, I talked to the landlord, and we're officially paid up till the end of next month. And after that the lease is up. Pacey: Thanks for doing that. Gretchen: No problem. Pacey: Consider it payment for the work you've done on my car. Gretchen: You want this? [She hands him the sandwich] Pacey: Thanks. Gretchen: [Sigh] So how are you? Pacey: Uh...to tell you the truth, I've had better days. How about yourself? You talked to Dawson lately? Gretchen: No. I don't know if I'm avoiding him or he's avoiding me. Pacey: Yeah, I know what you mean. Gretchen: Joey? Pacey: Same thing. Gretchen: I'm really sorry, Pace. Pacey: Do you think it's possible that you and I might actually feel better if we were to deal with our significant exs instead of just holing up in this cozy little beach house? Gretchen: Probably. But that doesn't mean I'm actually ready to go out there and cope. Pacey: Me neither. [Sigh] Maybe it's genetic. Gretchen: Mm-hmm. [Scene: Grams' House. A realtor is showing a man and woman around the house when Jen comes inside.] Realtor: The House just went onto the Market a few days ago, and I don't think it will be on it for very long. Man: You know, I think if we tore apart that upstairs room, it would make a great gym. Woman: Mmm. I was thinking the exact same thing. Lots of steel, maybe— Jen: That's my room. Woman: And all this wallpaper would have to go. Realtor: Well, there's tons of possibilities. Why don't you take another look around? [The couple leave] You must be Jennifer. I've heard so much about you. And congratulations on Boston Bay College, by the way. Jen: I'm sorry, but who are you? Realtor: I'm Dana Borkow. I'm the realtor. Didn't you know? Your grandmother's selling her house. [Scene: The Capeside Yacht Club. Joey is setting a table, when Mr. Kubelik comes walking up to her.] Mr. Kubelik: Joey Potter. I was hoping to run into you. Joey: It's nice to see you again, Mr. Kubelik. Mr. Kubelik: You're coming to my party tomorrow night, yes? Joey: I wouldn't miss it. Mr. Kubelik: And I hope that you're bringing that charming boyfriend of yours. Pacey, was it? He certainly did liven up the last party. Joey: Oh, uh-- well, actually, um-- certain things have kind of changed since the last party. Um, Pacey and I, uh... we, uh... well, we-- we kind of broke up. Mr. Kubelik: Oh. Well, I'm sorry to hear that. Well, I take it you're still on good terms, huh? Joey: Yeah, sure. We talk all the time. Mr. Kubelik: I'm glad to hear that, because Dean Newman and I were hoping to chat with him tomorrow night about a rather pressing matter. Joey: The Dean of admissions? Mr. Kubelik: Yeah, we have an offer we want to discuss with him. Joey: Yeah, sure. I'm--I'm sure that Pacey would like to talk to you. Mr. Kubelik: Ok. Well, then I'll see you both tomorrow night then. Joey: Ok. Mr. Kubelik: Have a good day. Joey: You, too. [Scene: Grams' House. Grams and Jen are having a discussion about selling the house.] Grams: Forgive me, Jennifer, I didn't realize I needed your permission to sell my own house. Jen: Well, it's not about permission, but since you're basically doing this for me, why shouldn't I have a say in the matter? Grams: What makes you think I'm doing this for you? Jen: Ok. I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me that this is not about sending me to college. Grams: Look, I admit that money from the house will primarily go towards your tuition. But that is not the only reason for my decision. Jen: All right. Well, then by all means, enlighten me. Grams: [Sigh] You are moving on to the next phase in your life, and I need to do the same. Which is why I've decided to move to La Brea Park. Jen: Ok. Run that by me one more time because when you say La Brea Park, I think retirement community with bunnies and lawn bowling tournaments, and aside from your habitual knitting and your penchant for Metamucil, you-- you're far too young and far too hip to be living in a place like that. Grams: Jennifer, just because a community has the word retirement in front of it doesn't automatically mean it's a bad place. Oh, honestly, Jennifer, I didn't realize you were such an ageist. Jen: Oh, I'm not an ageist. I'm not an age-- an "ist" anything. I wanna go see this fabulous park of yours. [Scene: The Leery Fish House. Gretchen is working at the bar, when Dawson comes in and slowly walks up to the bar carrying his yearbook.] Gretchen: Hey, you. Dawson: Hey. I thought you might want to sign that. [hands her the book]Before you leave town. Gretchen: Well, you're nothing if not direct. Dawson: Were you really just gonna slip out of town without even saying good-bye? Gretchen: I was thinking about it, yeah. Maybe. Dawson: You know what? Then in that case, just pretend I never did stop by. [He grabs the book and begins to leave] Gretchen: Or maybe I was thinking about how to say good-bye to you all week. Dawson: So where are you going? Gretchen: Back to school. I signed up for some summer classes to make up some of the units I missed this year. Dawson: [Deep breath] How soon do classes start? Gretchen: Not for over a month. Dawson: Ok. Gretchen: But I'm gonna take a little road trip before that. Do some traveling while I still have the time. Dawson: It, uh...sounds like fun. Gretchen: I leave the day after tomorrow. Dawson: Do you? That soon? Gretchen: I know. Dawson: That's--that's... that's really soon. I feel ill-prepared. Gretchen: Well, you still have a whole day and a half to come up with some fantastic going away speech for me. Dawson: All right. [Dawson turns to leave] Gretchen: But I would like to sign that. Can I? [Dawson slides the book to her] Can I have some time with it? Dawson: Sure. Yeah. Just as long as you realize that the longer you have it, the less acceptable "have a bitchin' summer" is gonna be. Gretchen: Ok. Dawson: Ok. [Scene: Pacey and Gretchen's Place. Joey is standing outside the door, and finally knocks. Pacey comes to answer the door.] Joey: [Sigh] Hey. Pacey: I was beginning to wonder if you were ever gonna knock. Joey: You saw me standing out here? Pacey: No. Joey: Ok, um...[Clears throat] Here's the thing. Um... I ran into Mr. Kubelik today. Remember him? He's the Worthington guy and he remembered you, and he asked me to bring you to this party that they're having tomorrow night for all the new freshmen. And he thought that we were still together, and I said that things were weird between us. But then he said he had this offer for you and he mentioned the Dean of admissions, and I'm thinking what else could he be talking about other than Worthington and you. And, you know, maybe there's some loophole or he-- there's some special program and I— Pacey: I miss you, Jo. Joey: I miss you, too. Pacey: You know, I've been... replaying everything that happened at that stupid prom. Wasn't supposed to end like that. We're not supposed to end like that. Right? Joey: I wish you'd come to the party with me. Pacey: Yeah. Of course. Joey: And, uh-- I'll see you tomorrow. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside the store, Pacey and Gretchen exit the store and walk over to her car carrying bags of groceries.] Pacey: Ok. So riddle me this. How many Funyons can a tiny little woman like you possibly consume on one little road trip? Gretchen: Don't change the subject. Pacey: I'm not changing the subject. I'm just steering it in a different direction on purpose. Gretchen: Look, I just don't think you should go to the party tonight, pace. I mean, even if you and Joey are supposed to be together, you both need to take some time apart to figure out what went wrong. Otherwise you're gonna wind up making the same mistakes all over again. Trust me. I know from whence I speak. Pacey: Trust you? Miss pack-up-and-leave-town? Forgive me if you're not exactly my relationship role model right now. Gretchen: I'm just trying to help, pace. I don't want to see you getting hurt. Pacey: Well, it's too late for that. I'm already hurt. And that's exactly the situation I'm trying to rectify. That's why I gotta go to this party, just to see what the gods have in store for me. Gretchen: You mean Kubelik and his mysterious offer? Pacey: Yeah. Look, I know as well as you do that this is a long shot. But what other choice do I have? I need a sign. I need someone or something to tell me what to do. To show me what's right 'cause I don't know what to do anymore. And if this guy's gonna offer me a chance to go to Worthington, then I have my answer and I know for sure. Gretchen: What will you know? Pacey: Well, that I'm supposed to be with her. Ah, look. Gretch? If it's all right with you I think I'm gonna walk home. Gretchen: Yeah. [He puts the bags in her car, then turns back to her.] Pacey: So, then... this is it. You're really gonna leave tomorrow morning? Gretchen: Well, long before you're up, snoozer. [He gives her a huge hug.] Gretchen: Hey! What's this? Ha ha. Pacey: I'm really glad you came home this year, Gretchen. Gretchen: Sure you are. You got a sweet beach house out of the deal. Pacey: Yeah, I did. But it would not have been the same if it wasn't for you. So, I just want you to know that, you know, your little brother-- well, you know. Gretchen: I love you, too, Pace. Pacey: Yeah. Gretchen: [Laughs] And even better than that-- I mean, all familial obligations aside-- I actually like you. Pacey: Well, you're not so bad yourself. Gretchen: Yeah, I know. Pacey: Good-bye, Gretchen. Gretchen: Good-bye. Pacey: Bye. [Scene: The La Brea Park. Grams and Jen pull up to the guard station and wait for the guard. A really old female guard walks up to the car.] Guard: Last name? Grams: Oh, hello. Um-- I was here a few days ago— Guard: Last name? Guard: Ryan. Evelyn Ryan. [The Guard goes back to check her list] Jen: Huh. She's a crusty old broad. I wonder what she'd do if we just gunned it? I mean, how would she catch us? In one of those little golf carts, you think? You know, I seriously think we could take her. Grams: Jennifer, please. Jen: Just making a joke. [Guard comes back with a pass] Guard: Here you go. Next time go to gate 3 first to get your pass. Grams: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize— Guard: Everyone needs a pass. Residents get a permanent pass. If they have visitors, they're supposed to call in advance to get a pass. Nobody gets in without a pass. [Scene: The Leery Living room. Mitch and Dawson have just finished watching his movie of Mr. Brooks.] Mitch: I don't know how you did it, Dawson, but you managed to make Mr. Brooks seem like Harrison Ford. Dawson: So it's ok then? Mitch: Well, as your father, I am prone to subjectivity, but when USC calls and begs you to join their program, remember you heard it here first. It is great. But I can see that your mind's on other things. Dawson: [Sigh] Mitch: Want to talk about it? Dawson: Not really. But thank you for watching this. I really needed an opinion from somebody other than Brooks. You know? I mean, how could a man with an ego that big not love a movie that's all about him? Mitch: That man was a real wild card, huh? I can't get over how much he reminded me of you. Dawson: I remind you of him? Mitch: Well, that part where he talks about that girl? How she jumped over the counter, they went off to California together, they didn't even know each other? Who does that? Dawson: Hitchhikers. Mitch: Risk takers. Dreamers. People who understand that every once in a while, an opportunity presents itself. And whatever they decide to do in that moment will change the rest of their lives forever. Brooks could have told that girl to get lost. He could have gone off to California alone like he planned, but he didn't. Dawson: No, he didn't. Mitch: Because he knew. Very few men are lucky enough to actually see those moments, Dawson. He was really an inspiration. Dawson: Yeah. I... I guess he is. [Scene: Outside the Potter B&B. Pacey comes walking up, to find Joey outside on the porch waiting.] Pacey: Hey. You know, you didn't have to wait outside for me. I would've rung the doorbell like a proper gentleman. Joey: I've been ready for an hour, which has given me far too much time to look at myself in the mirror. Never a good thing. Pacey: Right. [She walks down the stairs and is about to kiss him when she stops herself.] Joey: Um...we should go. Pacey: Yeah. Good idea. [Clears throat] [Sigh] [Scene: Gram's House. Grams and Jen are talking about their visit to the retirement community.] Jen: You're not moving there. Grams: I've looked at other places. They are simply not affordable. I'm sure with time I'll be able to acclimate to La Brae Park quite nicely. Jen: Ok, you're not listening to me. See, I'm not gonna allow you to make such an enormous sacrifice. Grams: This is not a sacrifice. This is my gift to you. Jen: Well, I don't want it. Grams: You don't want to go to college? Jen: No. No, not like this. The fact is is that I should've applied for a student loan. Just because I wouldn't take money from my parents doesn't mean that I need to burden you with my entire college tuition. [Sigh] Look, when you offered to help me out, I--I assumed that you had some sort of savings. I didn't think that I was gonna put you into hock. Grams: Jennifer, this is not your problem. Look, can we please not have this conversation? Jen: I'm not going to Boston, and I'm not letting you sell this house. Grams: [Sigh] [Scene: The Capeside Yacht Club. Joey and Pacey have arrived at the party, and find Mr. Kubelik there.] Mr. Kubelik: Hey. Joey: Hey. It's 7:00 and the party's already swinging. I'm impressed. Mr. Kubelik: Well, I take no credit. The promise of free food always draws a crowd. You look lovely, Joey. And I see you brought your friend. Pacey: It's good to see you again, Mr. Kubelik. Thanks for inviting me tonight. Mr. Kubelik: Oh, absolutely. I'm glad you're here. Joey: Oh, well, that's Pacey. He never misses an opportunity to show himself off in a suit. Brad: I think we've gathered everyone by the fireplace, sir. Joey: Wonderful. Mr. Kubelik: Joey, why don't you join Brad? We're taking a few photographs of next year's freshmen. [Brad takes her hand.] Brad: I'll lead the way. Joey: I'll be right back. Pacey: Ok. [Joey and Brad leave] Pacey: So. What do you say you and I go find that dean of yours, huh? Mr. Kubelik: All right. [Scene: Gretchen and Pacey's Place. Gretchen comes out carrying a box, when Dawson comes walking up to the porch. It is night time out.] Dawson: [Chuckles] I thought you weren't leaving till tomorrow. Gretchen: Hey, uh, no. I was just pre-packing the car. What's up? [He takes the box from her arms and puts it on the ground] Dawson: I want to go with you. Gretchen: W-what? Why? Dawson: Because if you leave now, I am always gonna wonder "what if?" What if there were no pending college departures? What if there were no job offers in Boston? What if there was no Joey. What if it was just you and me, on the open road, with nothing but our hearts to guide us? Would we have worked? You said the reason we broke up is because you don't belong here. Fine. Let's get out of here and just... see what happens. Gretchen: Dawson, this is crazy. I mean, come on, you can't just pick up and leave. Dawson: Why not? Give me one good reason. Gretchen: Ok, um, graduation. I mean, your ceremony's less than a week away. Dawson: You mean the ceremony where I sit there and listen to other people talk for 3 hours? Before I walk across the football field in a goofy cap and gown, to pick up a piece of paper, which isn't even a real diploma? I'm sorry, that experience is not rich enough to warrant me lying awake at night, regretting that I did not have the guts to take this trip with you. Gretchen: Fine. Ok, forget graduation. I'm gonna stick with my first reason. Dawson: Which was? Gretchen: This is crazy! Dawson: Yeah. It is. It's nuts! It's completely ludicrous. And you can't think of one good reason why I should not come with you, Gretchen. Something in my gut is telling me that this is our moment. We can't let this slip by. Gretchen: Dawson, I— [Dawson kisses her] Dawson: just say yes. Gretchen: Yes. It's not where you come from. [They look happy at their decision hugging each other] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Dawson's Bedroom. Dawson is trying to writer a note to his parent about leaving, and all he has is “Dear Mom and Dad” when Gale comes into the room carrying the baby.] Gale: Dawson... Dawson: Hey, there, beautiful. Gale: Honey, I have got a crisis down at the restaurant. I was wondering, could you watch her for a few hours? Dawson: I would love to. Gale: She is so good with you. I swear, she knows you already. Oh, um, did you get a chance to talk to Gretchen yet? Dawson: Um, yeah. She's coming over tonight. Gale: Oh, good, honey. I'm glad you 2 are working things out. Good-bye, sweetheart. [Gale leaves, and Dawson tries to go back to the letter, but can't think of what to write.] Dawson: Don't look at me like that. That was technically not a lie. That was a lie by omission. It's not the same thing at all. [Baby coos] Dawson: [Sigh] You know, I really don't feel guilty about the whole mom and dad thing. I mean, yeah, it is a big deal to watch their son graduate from high school, but at the same time, I'm saving them from an excruciatingly long ceremony. That's a gift right there. [Baby cooing] Dawson: All right, so it's not a gift. But you know what? Honestly, I feel like I've earned the right to disappoint them a little bit. I mean, I've spent the last 18 years making everybody around me happy. I think it's high time I pursued a little happiness of my own. But if it's not guilt, then why am I having such a hard time writing this letter? [Scene: The Capeside Yacht Club. Mr. Kubelik and Pacey come up to join Mr. Newman.] Mr. Kubelik: Pacey, you've met the dean of the college. This is our dean of admissions, Andrew Hill Newman. Pacey: Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Newman, or Dean Newman, whichever you prefer. Mr. Newman: Nice to meet you, Pacey. Mr. Kubelik's told me all sorts of wonderful things about you. Mr. Kubelik: Andrew here is chartering my boat for the summer. Pacey: Is that right? Mr. Newman: Yes, I've decided to take a trip around the Caribbean Islands. I've heard that you spent last summer sailing. Pacey: I did indeed. Mr. Newman: Feel pretty comfortable spending long periods of time at sea? Pacey: Well, I feel about as comfortable as a kid in a candy store, yeah. Mr. Newman: This could work. Mr. Kubelik: I thought so. Pacey: What could work? Mr. Kubelik: Pacey, how would you like to work on my yacht for the summer, as one of the deck hands? Pacey: Is that all you wanted to talk to me about, is a summer job? Mr. Kubelik: Yeah, if you haven't got one already. The pay isn't the greatest, but you'll have plenty of time to yourself to explore the islands, and it should be an experience that you'll never forget. Pacey: Well, this is, uh... a little unexpected. But I'm really, I'm truly flattered, gentlemen. Mr. Kubelik: Well, take some time to think about it. Pacey: Ok. It was a pleasure meeting you, sir. Mr. Newman: Yes. Thank you. [Pacey turns and loks over his shoulder and notices Joey happily talking to the others.] [Scene: Grams Front Porch. Jack is drinking a Cappuccino while Jen is trying to convince him about Grams.] Jen: So, bottom line is that I'll get to Boston bay eventually, I'll just, um, go to state for a few semesters and--and save the money that I would have spent on tuition and dorm and I'll meet you there in, like, a year or 2. Jack, I'm sure that you can understand my situation here. I--I mean, I can hardly allow my grandmother to--to live a destitute existence in some retirement community just so that I can enjoy, you know, frat parties and higher education. It's not right, and I won't do it. Jack: Mm-hmm. [Jack just focused on his mug in front of him.] This is awful foamy. Jen: [Sniffs] Ok, listen... grams needs me. When I came here 3 years ago, she took me in. She took care of me. What do you want me to do now? Just turn my back on her? Jack: No, I completely understand. Jen: Yeah? Jack: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think what you're doing for your grandmother is beautiful and awfully selfless. Jen: Thanks. Jack: Mm-hmm. Just a little bit convenient, though. Jen: I knew there was something else coming. All right. How do you come up with convenient? Jack: Well, I can't help but notice that, although you're clearly swimming in a vat of guilt over leaving your best friend in a lurch like this, you also seem to be just a bit, uh, relieved. It's as if you're happy to have found something to get you off the hook, so that you don't have to go away to college. And not only do you not have to go, you then become Jen of arc, the martyr-saint, willing to sacrifice her own happiness for the sake of her grandmother's. Jen: Jack, that's ridiculous, all right? Why on earth would I not want to go away to college? Jack: Because you're scared. I mean, think about it. You're leaving the only town in which you ever felt safe. The only person who-- who cared enough to devote her entire life to you. Jen: Ok, I'm--I hear what you're saying, buy, um-- but it--it's not that easy. I mean, I can't just leave her alone. Jack: I'm not saying you should. Look, I know grams needs you, but you need her just as much, and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'd be scared to go to school without you. Jen: Ok, I admit it. I'm an 18-year-old woman who's afraid to be away from her grammy. What am I gonna do? Jack: I think you know what to do. [Scene: The Capeside Yacht Club. Pacey leans back against a wall, and Joey comes over to him after a short time.] Joey: Hey, there you are. Been looking all over for you. [She sees the look on his face] What's wrong? Pacey: Um, well... Kubelik wants me to work on his boat this summer. That's what the offer was about. It didn't have anything to do with going to Worthington. Joey: Let's go. Pacey: Uh, you know what? I think I'll go. But I think that you should stay here, Jo. I've been watching you in there. You've been... gliding from conversation to conversation with complete confidence and ease this time. I don't know if you remember the last Worthington party that you and I attended together, but... you were kind of a jumble of nerves. I guess I was kind of hoping that... you would need for me to be your savior again tonight. But...that's no longer the case. You don't need that now. Everything's different. I think that they're better this way. The only thing that remains the same is you're still the most beautiful girl in the room. Joey: Pace— Pacey: Jo, you can't leave. I mean, this is it now. This is... this is your life, and you should enjoy it. Joey: How can I enjoy it without you? [She grabs his arm and pulls him along.] Let's go. [Scene: Dawson's living room. Dawson is sitting in the chair with the baby sleeping in his arms, when Gretchen comes into the house and quietly walks up to him.] Gretchen: [Quietly] Hey. Dawson: I was wondering when you were going to get here. Are you done packing? Gretchen: Yeah, yeah. But you know how they say making your own boxes is really easy? Dawson: Yeah. Gretchen: They lied. She sleeping? Dawson: Yeah, she went down about half an hour ago. [Dawson gets up and puts the baby into it's chair to sleep.] Gretchen: Oh... cute. [Gretchen chuckles] Ok, can I just say that you're the cutest thing in the world right now? Dawson: Why? Gretchen: Look at you, all papa Dawson. Dawson: I don't know. I never thought I would get so into this stuff. You know? But-- I mean, I was happy about the idea of a baby sister, but I just...I never thought I would get this attached. She's so small and-- and perfect and... helpless. When she smiles, it just... uhh. It just breaks my heart. Man, I can't believe how much I'm gonna miss when I'm in school. By the time I get back she's gonna be this fully walking, talking little person. Gretchen: That's true. Dawson: She and Alexander are gonna be about the same age, so... I wonder if they'll end up climbing in and out of each other's windows. You know, becoming best friends. [Gretchen notices the link to him and Joey.] Gretchen: I don't know. So, how did it go with that letter to your parents? Dawson: I'm, uh... still working on it. Gretchen: Well, you think that one's hard, wait until you try to write Joey's. [She just looks at him knowingly] That's ok, Dawson. I expected you to. Ok. Well, I should get back. I may be done packing, but the cleaning festivities have only just begun. Dawson: Good luck. Gretchen: Thanks. [She kisses him, then looks fondly into his eyes.] Gretchen: Good-bye. Dawson: Bye. [Scene: The Potter B&B. Pacey and Joey walk into the door, and Pacey uncomfortable stays by the open door.] Pacey: So, uh... good night. Joey: Thanks for coming, pace. Pacey: Well, thanks for asking. I just, I'm sorry-- Joey: I'm sorry. Pacey: You don't have anything to be sorry for, Jo. It's me. So I— Joey: Pace... do you think maybe I could come and stay with you tonight? We could just...sleep. Pacey: Yeah. [They hug each other.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Grams' Kitchen. Grams is making pancakes when Jen walks into the kitchen half asleep.] Grams: So...did you talk to Jack last night? Did he tell you you were making the biggest mistake of your life? Jen: What ever happened to "good morning"? Or "have some java"? Grams: I would never refer to coffee as java. Now, what did Jack say? Jen: Oh, you know. Stuff. [Coffee grinder starts] Grams: Could you be a little more specific, please? Jen: What's that? I'm sorry. I can't hear you over these beans. Grams: Fine. You want to play games, that's just fine. I'm really not that interested, anyway. Jen: How would you like to move to Boston? Grams: Now what kind of nonsense are you talking? Jen: Nothing nonsensical here at all. Dead serious. Grams: I know what you're doing, Jennifer. It's one of the reasons I love you so much. You have a big, beautiful heart, but... I will not allow you to do this for me. Jen: Well, maybe I'm doing it for me. Look, moving to Boston, going away to college, um...it scares me. And somehow, the idea of having you nearby, just to know that you're there, will--you know, it scares me less. So, before you start writing sonnets about my big, beautiful heart, you should know that I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this 'cause my big, selfish heart wants you to be there. So will you please go with me? Grams: Oh, I don't know. It's... such an overwhelming concept. I wouldn't know where to begin. Jen: Well, you start by calling movers— Grams: It's not that simple, Jennifer. First of all, I would have to find a place to live— Jen: All right, I'll give you that. It would be difficult to find a place as nice as La Brea Park. Grams: Well, even if I could find a suitable home, what would I do in Boston? How would I spend my time? Jen: Any way you like. Maybe a change of scenery would serve to... inspire you to try new things. Meet new people. Grams: No, I'm--I'm too old for such things. Jen: Please! You, who have seen more action in the romance department than I have this year. You're the youngest grandma I know. So, will you please just quit it with these pitiful excuses and say yes? Grams: You're sure I wouldn't cramp your style? Jen: [Chuckles] I'm sure you will. [Jen gives her a pouty face.] [Scene: The Capeside Yacht Club docks. Pacey is sitting staring out into the water, when Joey walks up to join him.] Joey: Somehow I knew I'd find you here. Pacey: I meant to sneak back in before you woke up. Joey: How long have you been out here? Pacey: Uh...I don't know. Couple hours, maybe. Watched the sun come up this morning. I don't think I've done that since we were sailing around together on the true love. Which...feels like a million years ago, doesn't it? Joey: [Sighs] Hey, pace... I'm really sorry about dragging you to that party last night, and... bringing back all of those bad feelings. Pacey: [Clears throat] It's not your fault, Jo. None of this is your fault. You're not the reason that we broke up. Joey: But I thought that you said— Pacey: I know what I said. And I know how I said it, and it makes me sick to my stomach every time I think about it. Blaming you for my insecurities and... then making you feel guilty for all the things that you've accomplished, when you should feel nothing but proud. And I'm so proud of you. Joey: I know you are. Pacey: But I didn't show you that. Instead-- [Clears throat] Instead, I decided to become a stereotypical guy who can't handle it when his girlfriend gets a better job than he does. I hate that guy. Joey: Pacey, you're not that guy. Pacey: I feel like that guy. Because as much as I want not to care, and as much as I wish that I could just let it roll off of my back, I can't. When we were at the party together last night, Jo, I was jealous. I wasn't jealous of you, but I was certainly jealous of the rest of the kids who were gonna get to experience you next year. 'Cause they're gonna get to be with you, and I'm not. Joey: And I was so certain that Kubelik's offer was gonna be the answer to all of our problems. A sign, you know? Pacey: Yeah. I know. I know, and I think that it was a sign. Just not the one that we were hoping for. But at least we got a better ending this time. I am grateful for that. [She takes his hand in hers] Joey: Me, too. [Scene: Dawson's Bedroom. He is sitting down trying to finish his letter, then cut to him outside Gretchen and Pacey's Place. Dawson walks up to the house, with a very undecided look on his face, when he notices his Yearbook sitting on the porch. He goes up and opens to fins a picture of Gretchen and him, and he begins to read what she wrote for him.] Gretchen: "Dear Dawson... "I've been thinking about what to say to you "since I left your house yesterday. "I thought about waiting for you to come to my door, "saying this face to face, "but I knew it would be too hard. "I realize that, as much as I need to move on, "you need to stay here. "Your whole life is about to change in a way "that will never be the same. "You're opening a new chapter, "and you have to give a proper good-bye to the old one. "You don't want to miss these moments, even the sad ones, "because you'll never get them back. "So enjoy this time. "Let it wash over you so that your memories of it are strong. "Besides, I don't need to spend a month in a car to fall in love with you. "I already am in love with you, "even more than you know. "So good-bye, Dawson Leery. "Thank you for changing my life "and opening my heart again. "You'll never know how much it meant to me. Have a bitchin' summer. Love, Gretchen." [Scene: The Pier outside Dawson's House. Dawson walks out to join Joey who is sitting all alone out there.] Dawson: I haven't seen you all weekend. Joey: I know. Dawson: You do anything good? Joey: No, not really. You? Dawson: No. Not really. Joey: So, what are you doing this summer, Dawson? Dawson: This.

The school year draws to a close, and changes are abound for the class of 2001. While Joey and Dawson deal with their respective break ups, Jen makes a startling decision about her future. Meanwhile, Dawson has his own decision to make with regards to Gretchen when an unusual opportunity comes their way. A professor from Worthington asks Joey to bring Pacey with her to a party for incoming freshman, which fills the pair with hope that they might be able to have a future together after all but eventually, Joey and Pacey have to come to terms with the end of their romance.

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Genesis of the Daleks by: Terry Nation Part Five Running time: 23:27 [SCENE_BREAK] HARRY: Doctor, please, don't tell. Doctor. DOCTOR: All right, all right! Just leave them alone. DOCTOR: The Dalek invasion of the Earth in the year 2000 was foiled because of an attempt by the Daleks to mine the core of the planet. The magnetic properties of the Earth were... Mars... the Daleks were defeated by a virus that attacked the insulation on the cables in their electrical systems. ...In the space year seventeen thousand was halted by the intervention of a fleet of war rockets from the planet Hyperon. The rockets were made of a metal that was completely resistant to Dalek firepower. The Dalek Task Force was completely destroyed. DAVROS: This seems an opportune moment to end this session. Nyder. Release the prisoners. Take them to the detention area. DAVROS: Interrogation will continue later. And I must thank you, Doctor. What you have told me will be invaluable. DAVROS: All this information, this foreknowledge, will be programmed into the Dalek memory banks. Take them away. DAVROS: Doctor, stay a moment. Sit down. Let us talk together now, not as prisoner and captor, but as men of science. There is so much I wish to know. Nyder, take charge of the tape. NYDER: Immediately, Davros. DAVROS: It will be your responsibility, and remember, it is priceless. It's value beyond computation. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: Ah, thank you. HARRY: Who are you? GHARMAN: My name's Gharman. HARRY: Gharman? GHARMAN: Until a few hours ago I was head of the Military Elite Scientific Corps. SARAH: And now you're a prisoner like us? What happened? GHARMAN: Wait. GHARMAN: I was trying to organise a movement against Davros. He found out. Now, what's happening out there? Has there been any attempt to take away control from Davros? SARAH: Not that we know of. GHARMAN: Nothing? HARRY: He's still very much in charge. GHARMAN: I don't understand. You see, Davros tricked me into giving him the names of the group who were plotting against him. Have there not been mass arrests by now? Executions? SARAH: It all seemed pretty quiet out there. GHARMAN: But Davros knows that we're planning action against him. Why hasn't he moved to stop it? Why? HARRY: Perhaps that'd be too obvious, even for Davros. GHARMAN: Well, if that's true, he's being too clever for his own good. Every moment he delays, our movement grows in strength. SARAH: I hope you're right. GHARMAN: I know I am. Many of us believe that production of the Daleks must end. I believe now that we are in the majority. If we act soon, we can break his power. HARRY: We're not in much of a position to act at the moment, are we. GHARMAN: If only I could get word to them now. [SCENE_BREAK] SOLDIER: Halt! State your business. KAVELL: I wish to question the prisoners. SOLDIER: Nobody is allowed to communicate with the prisoners unless they have a pass signed by Davros. SOLDIER: Stay where you are! KAVELL: I seem to have mislaid it. I'll come back later. [SCENE_BREAK] DAVROS: Now, future errors will be eradicated. Defeats will become victories. You have changed the future of the universe, Doctor. DOCTOR: I have betrayed the future. Davros, for the last time, consider what you're doing. Stop the development of the Daleks. DAVROS: Impossible. It is beyond my control. The workshops are already fully automated to produce the Dalek machines. DOCTOR: It's not the machines, it's the minds of the creatures inside them. Minds that you created. They are totally evil. DAVROS: Evil? No. No, I will not accept that. They are conditioned simply to survive. They can survive only by becoming the dominant species. When all other life forms are suppressed, when the Daleks are the supreme rulers of the universe, then you will have peace. Wars will end. They are the power not of evil, but of good. DOCTOR: Davros, if you had created a virus in your laboratory, something contagious and infectious that killed on contact, a virus that would destroy all other forms of life, would you allow its use? DAVROS: It is an interesting conjecture. DOCTOR: Would you do it? DAVROS: The only living thing, a microscopic organism reigning supreme. A fascinating idea. DOCTOR: But would you do it? DAVROS: Yes. Yes. To hold in my hand a capsule that contains such power, to know that life and death on such a scale was my choice. To know that the tiny pressure on my thumb, enough to break the glass, would end everything. Yes, I would do it! That power would set me up above the gods. And through the Daleks, I shall have that power! DAVROS: Release me. DOCTOR: No, Davros. DAVROS: Don't touch that switch. DOCTOR: Why not? DAVROS: It controls my life support systems. I could not survive thirty seconds without them. DOCTOR: Order the destruction of the incubator section. DAVROS: Destroy the Daleks? Never. DOCTOR: I mean it, Davros. Next time I press that switch, it stays pressed. Now give the order! DAVROS: Even if I do this, there will be no escape for you. DOCTOR: I'll take that chance. Now give the order. DAVROS: Press the communicator switch. DAVROS: This is Davros. Elite unit seven will go to the incubator room. All survival maintenance systems are to be closed down. The Dalek creatures are to be destroyed. DOCTOR: Tell them the order cannot be countermanded. DAVROS: This order cannot DAVROS: This is Davros, this is Davros. My last order is cancelled, repeat, cancelled. No action is to be taken. NYDER: What do you want done with this? DAVROS: For the moment he must be kept alive. He has knowledge that is vital to our future, and I will drain every last detail of it from his mind. And then, he will learn the true meaning of pain. NYDER: I will take him to the detention room. DAVROS: The dissidents. What progress are they making? NYDER: Feeling against you is rising. Many of the scientific corps are openly speaking against you. Even some of the military are joining them. DAVROS: As I expected. DAVROS: They will take action soon? NYDER: Almost certainly. They outnumber those of us who are loyal. Davros, why don't you let me take a squad of Elite men I can trust? In an hour, I could wipe out their leaders. DAVROS: You think like a soldier, Nyder. Rebellion is an idea in the mind. Suppress it, and it hides away and festers. No. My way is best. NYDER: As you wish. On your feet! DAVROS: All Dalek units! All Dalek units! [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK: Davros has commanded all Dalek units to disengage and return to the bunker immediately. DALEK 2: I obey. [SCENE_BREAK] BETTAN: Shush. There's something moving out there. SEVRIN: The whole of the Thal city is burning. The Daleks are moving through it, section by section, hunting down the survivors. BETTAN: Then there's no one left? SEVRIN: No, I covered a fairly large area and found no one. No one living, that is. BETTAN: So we're on our own. SEVRIN: You're still going to attack the main entrance though, aren't you? BETTAN: There's no point in delaying any longer. We'll move more safely under the cover of darkness. Come on, get ready, we're moving out. [SCENE_BREAK] NYDER: Open up. HARRY: Not exactly as planned, Sarah. [SCENE_BREAK] HARRY: How's the Doctor? SARAH: I don't know. HARRY: He's a bit groggy but he'll be all right. GHARMAN: Come on, Kavell, we've a lot to do. KAVELL: What about the guards? Suppose they won't come over to our side? GHARMAN: They'll be disarmed and held in custody until we've presented our ultimatum to Davros. DOCTOR: No, wait, wait. Davros knows what you're planning. I heard him talking to Nyder. GHARMAN: If he knows, why hasn't he taken action against us? KAVELL: Perhaps because he knows its futile. There are too many of us. DOCTOR: No, it's not that. I don't know what he's got prepared for you, but believe me, he's ready. GHARMAN: Well, even so, there'll still be too many for him. DOCTOR: Just be careful. Be careful. KAVELL: I think we can take care of things. Thanks for the warning. SARAH: No point in telling you to rest, I suppose? DOCTOR: No, there isn't. We've got to recover that Time Ring. SARAH: Because without it, we'll never get off this planet. But where is it? DOCTOR: It's on the desk in the main laboratory. And then there's that tape recording that Nyder took. We've got to get it back at all costs. It would make the Daleks invincible. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] GHARMAN: Ready? Now remember, we resort to violence only if there is no other way. GHARMAN: Stay perfectly still. Take their weapons. GHARMAN: No! That was stupid. A stupid waste of life. Our intention has always been to make a bloodless revolution. There's been enough of killing and violence. All right, take him away and lock him up with the others. GHARMAN: Start passing these out to our people. KAVELL: Gharman. Gharman, they're coming over to our side in droves. We've the backing of a good eighty percent now. GHARMAN: Good. Good. What about the hard core Davros people? KAVELL: They've all been rounded up. We're winning, Gharman. We're winning. GHARMAN: Then let's finish it off. [SCENE_BREAK] NYDER: Davros, they're taking over. We must act quickly. In another hour they could be totally in control. Do you hear me, Davros? I have a dozen crack men hiding in section nine. Let me order them into action. Davros! DAVROS: I hear you. NYDER: Then what are we going to do? DAVROS: I want you to find their leaders and hand over your weapons to them. NYDER: Surrender? DAVROS: Order all members of the Elite guards still at liberty to do the same. NYDER: Do you know what you're saying? DAVROS: I know precisely what I am saying. Now, I will command and you will obey. You will do as I order! You will inform the rebel leaders that I have given these orders to avoid bloodshed. Tell them I submit, and will listen to their demands. That is all. NYDER: Then we are admitting that we're beaten. DAVROS: That is what they will believe. NYDER: You mean that DAVROS: You and they will find out exactly what I mean all in good time. Now carry out my orders. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Shush. DOCTOR: Useful. Ah. This is something rather more useful. SARAH: They're explosives, aren't they? DOCTOR: Yes. Explosives and detonators. It seems almost providential. SARAH: Why? What are you going to use them for? DOCTOR: The Time Lord gave me three options. There's only one still open. Genocide. HARRY: Genocide? DOCTOR: Yes. I'm going to kill everything in the incubation room. I'm going to destroy the Daleks forever. [SCENE_BREAK] GHARMAN: Where is Davros? KAVELL: You said that Davros had agreed to meet us here. NYDER: He'll be here. DAVROS: You have something to say to me? GHARMAN: Davros, we wish to make our views plain to you concerning our work here. DAVROS: With what authority do you speak? With whose backing? GHARMAN: We speak for virtually all the Elite scientific corps and many of the military. We represent the majority. DAVROS: Very well. Continue. GHARMAN: Nobody disputes that in the past, under your guidance, we've made incredible progress in many fields of science. DAVROS: You did not come here to flatter me. You came to offer an ultimatum. Confine yourself to the terms of that ultimatum. GHARMAN: Very well. The initial concept of the Dalek was to build a life support system and a travel machine for the creature that we know our race will ultimately evolve into. DAVROS: You disapprove of that? GHARMAN: No, but we believe that concept has been perverted. You have tampered with the genetic structuring of the creature to create a ruthless power for evil. We cannot permit this to continue. DAVROS: Then what do you suggest? GHARMAN: All work on Dalek projects is to cease immediately. The creatures that have been conditioned and programmed are to be destroyed. If these terms are met, we will then be proud to work under your guidance on the rebuilding of our society. DAVROS: And if I refuse? GHARMAN: If you refuse, you will be placed under arrest. The Daleks will be destroyed and our work here will then continue under a new, democratically elected leader. DAVROS: Have you finished? GHARMAN: Well? DAVROS: You might at least do me the courtesy of giving me time to consider. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: The Daleks are in there? DOCTOR: The flesh and blood part of them. Indeed they are flesh and blood. HARRY: Some of them can move about. SARAH: Well, how do I see? DOCTOR: Press the button. DOCTOR: Pay it out quickly, Harry. SARAH: You're not going in there, are you? DOCTOR: They're harmless enough, I think. Just unpleasant. HARRY: You don't want me to come in, do you, Doctor? DOCTOR: There's no need, Harry. It just remains to put the charges where they'll do the most damage. It shouldn't take me more than a couple of minutes. [SCENE_BREAK] DAVROS: I have made my decision. I accept your ultimatum. On one condition. GHARMAN: Go on. DAVROS: That you allow me to speak to a full meeting of the Elite, both scientific and military. Anyone you elect may speak against me. When this is done, a vote will be taken. I will abide by the decision of the majority. GHARMAN: You already know the decision of the majority. You will lose, Davros. DAVROS: With such confidence, you can hardly deny my request. It was you who introduced the word democracy. GHARMAN: Do we accept his proposition? GHARMAN: Very well, it's agreed. DAVROS: The meeting will take place in one hour from now. Arrange it. You may go. DAVROS: Ours is the victory, Nyder. We have won! They talk of democracy, freedom, fairness. Those are the creeds of cowards. The ones who will listen to a thousand viewpoints and try to satisfy them all. Achievement comes through absolute power, and power through strength. They have lost! [SCENE_BREAK] SEVRIN: The entrance to the bunker is just beyond the next rise. That's where they must be heading. [SCENE_BREAK] SARAH: What's taking him so long? HARRY: It's a very delicate operation, Sarah. Still, he should have finished by now. SARAH: Doctor? Doctor, are you all right? DOCTOR: Sarah!

The Doctor is forced to give Davros full details of future Dalek victories but opposition to Davros' plans is growing among the Kaleds and soon there is open rebellion.

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Principal v*g1n* here don't let the name fool you. I'm very much in charge reminding you that tonight is our annual flu season dance. I don't know how many times I have to say this, but if you have the flu, stay home. Hey. The flu season dance is about awareness, not celebration. Morty: [sighs] you don't bring dead babies to passover. Morty: Okay. Here we go. H-hey, Jessica. Uh... what's up, Morty? [Sneezes] What are you doing? Morty: Um... wait, wait. Were you about to talk... to her? Morty: Well... I mean, I was thinking about it. Dude, stay in your league. Look at how hot she is. You don't see me going to a bigger school in a wealthier district and hitting on their prettiest girl. Gee, thanks, brad. I throw balls far. You want good words? Date a languager. Jerry: Try not to worry about it, Morty. You're a good kid, and there's not a premium on that right now, but you'll be getting girls sometime after brad's out of shape. Morty: [sighing] you're missing the point, dad. I don't want girls. I want Jessica. Jerry: Ah, well, I remember feeling that way about a young lady named "your mom," and that's not an urban diss. Your mom was my Jessica. I remember the first time I saw her. I thought Rick: "i should get her pregnant, and then she'll have to marry me." Jerry: I beg your pardon, Rick inappropriate. Rick: Sorry, please proceed with your story about banging my daughter in high school. I'm not sure you want to take romantic advice from this guy, Morty. His marriage is hanging from a thread. Jerry: My marriage is fine, thank you. Rick: Jerry, it's your house whatever you say it is is how it is but I think a blind man could see that Beth is looking for the door. I barely have a reason to care, and even inoticed. Morty: Come on, Rick! Don't talk about my parents like that. Rick: Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call "love" is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science. [Slurps] Morty: All right, well, I'm gonna go get dressed for the dance. Jerry: Yeah, I'm just going to... check on your mom. Rick: Morty, hand me that screwdriver, huh? I'm almost finished making my ionic defibulizer, Morty. It's gonna be great. Morty: Hey, listen, Rick. Y-y-you know how you said that, you know, love is a chemical and all that stuff from earlier? Well, I was thinking, you know, w-w could you make some sort of chemical thing happen inside of Jessica's mind, you know, so where she falls in love with me and all that sort of thing? You know, like, maybe make some sort of love potion or something? Rick: Morty, that's such a poor use of my time. It's beneath me. Hand me the screwdriver. Morty: You know what? No, Rick! I'm not gonna hand you the screwdriver. I-I'm not gonna hand you anything ever again, Rick! I'm always helping you with this and that and the other thing. W-w-w-w-w-what about me, Rick? W-w-w-w-why can't you just help me out once once for once? Rick: [groans] you're growing up fast, Morty. You're growing into a real big thorn straight up into my ass. [Clears throat] Listen, this is called oxytocin. I extracted it from a vole. Do you know what a vole is, Morty? You know what a vole is? It's a it's a rodent that mates for life, Morty. This is the chemical released in a mammal's brain, you know, that makes it fall in love. All right, Morty, I just got to [burps] combine it with some of your dna. Morty: Oh, well, okay. [Zipper opens] Rick: A hair, Morty. I need one of your hairs. This isn't "game of thrones." Morty: Ow! Rick: All right, Morty. Whoever you smear this stuff on will fall in love with you, and only you, forever. Are you happy now, Morty? Morty: Heck, yeah! Thank you, grandpa Rick. Hey, there's no... dangers or anything, or side effects, right? Rick: W-w-w-what am i, a hack? Go nuts, Morty. It's foolproof. Eh, unless she has the flu. Jerry: Beth, do y-you still love me? Beth: Ugh, what kind of question is that? Jerry: The "yes or no" kind? [Laughs nervously] Beth: Jerry, do you want homeless people to have homes? Jerry: Yes. Beth: Are you gonna build them? Jerry: No. Beth: Then what good was the "yes"? Jerry: Wait, i-is loving me the house or the homeless people? Beth: Loving you is work, Jerry hard work, like building a homeless shelter nobody wants to say no to doing it, but some people put the work in. So, what do you say? Do you see me working here? Does this conversation seem tedious to me? Jerry: Sort of. Beth: Then I obviously sort of love you, don't I? [Cellphone chimes] So stop asking, and maybe I'll love you more. Crap, they need me at the horse hospital. Jerry: Puh! This late? Beth: The racetrack had a starlight derby. There was a seven-horse collision, and davin's there alone. Jerry: [thinking] Davin. Davin. Davin! Davin. Davin! Davin! Davin! Davin! [Rapping] ♪ flu, yo ♪ ♪ you got to be aware ♪ ♪ aware of all the flu ♪ ♪ up in the air ♪ ♪ I'm-a get me a shot ♪ ♪ and make the flu go away ♪ ♪ flu-hating rapper ♪ ♪ just rapping away ♪ ♪ yo, yo, flu-hating rapper ♪ ♪ it's a flu-hating rapper ♪ Morty: Hey, there, Jessica. Whoa! Oh, whoopsie! Oh, my god. Morty. You look really nice tonight. Morty: Wow, thanks. I love you, Morty! I love you so much it burns! Morty: Oh, man! I-i love you too, Jessica! [Spits] is this punk bothering you, Jessica? Leave him alone, jerk! I'm in love with him! He is more man than you will ever be! [Sneezes] [rapping] ♪ this is about flu awareness ♪ ♪ got to be aware of the flu in the air-ness ♪ ♪ yo, I'm a flu-hating rapper ♪ ♪ oh, man, Morty. ♪ [Sighs] I'm really sorry. Morty: Oh, well, n-no problem, brad. There's something special about you, Morty so special. Mmm, yeah. Morty: Whoa, take it easy! Get your hands off of him! Back off! I'm trying to be with my man! That's enough, bradley! We don't want you injuring your ball-throwing arm. Oh, come on, principal v*g1n*. I just... never leave me, Morty. Never! Morty: Uh, sure. I mean, o-of course not. W-what do you think that was all about? Who cares? Just hold me. Let me go! I love you, Morty! [Sneezes] let go of me! [Sneezes] Morty! Jerry: She's gonna be alone with that guy all night. Summer: Yeah, dad, digging around the insides of horses. It's not a very romantic setting. Rick: Well, Summer, there's always the possibility that she made the whole work thing up. Maybe davin's digging around in herinsides. Summer: Grandpa, so gross! You're talking about my mom. Rick: Well, she's my daughter, Summer. I outrank you. Or family means nothing, in which case don't play that card. Jerry: She's not responding to my texts! Summer: Careful, dad. Jealousy turns women off. Jerry: Well, isn't that convenient? Rick: Not for the men they cheat on, no. Jerry: Okay, I'm... going to go out... for some ice cream. And maybe stop by the hospital... to support my wife... with my confidence. [Door closes] Summer: God, grandpa, you're such a dick. Rick: I'm sorry, Summer. Your opinion means very little to me. How come you're not at this stupid dance everyone loves so much? Summer: Screw that. I don't want to get sick. It's flu season. Rick: It is? Summer: Yeah. Rick: Uh-oh. [Hip-hop music plays] Morty: Please just let this work out. [Moans] Do it, Morty. Do it. Rip my clothes off and mate with me for life! [Growls] Morty: Um... can we maybe go somewhere more private? Jessica, get a hold of yourself! [Grunts] You don't deserve to carry Morty's genes. [Rapping] ♪ I love Morty ♪ ♪ and I hope Morty loves me ♪ ♪ I'd like to wrap my arms around him ♪ ♪ and feel him inside me ♪ Morty: Oh, crap. [Indistinct shouting] Morty! Rick: Morty, come on! We got to get you out of here. You're not gonna believe this because it usually never happens, but I made a mistake. [Both panting] come on, Morty. We got to get out of here. Come on. Morty! Morty: [wails] are you okay? Morty: I'm fine! Oh, good. If anything ever happened to you, I would kill myself. I love you bad, mo-mo! [All panting] [indistinct shouting] Morty, the principal and I have discussed it, a-a-and we're both insecure enough to agree to a three-way! Rick: I didn't realize when I gave you that serum that Jessica had the flu you know, t-t-t-t-t-t-t-that might have been valuable information for me, Morty. Morty: What the hell is going on, Rick? Rick: What does it look like? T-t-t-the serum is piggybacking on the virus. It's gone airborne, Morty. Morty: Oh, crap. What are we gonna do, Rick? Rick: It's gonna be fine, Morty, relax. I whipped up and antidote. It's based on praying-mantis dna. You know, praying mantises are the exact opposite of voles, Morty. I mean, they they mate once, and then they, you know, decapitate the partner. I mean, it's a whole ritual. It's really gruesome and totally opposite. There's no love at all. I-i-i basically mixed this with a more contagious flu virus. It should neutralize the whole thing, Morty. It'll all be over very shortly. [SCENE_BREAK] [Indistinct shouting] Uh, by the way, Morty, I know you didn't ask or anything, but I'm not interested in having s*x with you. These serums, they don't work on anybody related to you genetically. Morty! [All groaning] Rick: Okay, well, sometimes, science is more art than science, Morty. A lot of people don't get that. Jerry: [gasps] [tires screech] Come on. Are you kidding me? Hello! Morty! You're not Morty! Bring us Morty! [Gun cocks] Jerry: Nobody's killing me until after I catch my wife with another man. I had s*x with billy. But you were already pregnant! Yeah, so what's the worst that could happen? We interrupt "pregnant baby" with breaking news. Summer: [groans] Come on. This just in Morty smith's whereabouts are still unknown. Summer: What the hell? The only thing that is known is... how cute he is. I love him so much, I want to make love to him and then eat his head. I love him more than you do, harold! You wish, you stupid bitch! Morty's mine! Morty's mine! Meant to be together! [Speaking arabic] Morty! [Speaking arabic] [banging on door] Where is Morty? Summer: [screams] [conversing in native language] Morty: Oh, my god, Rick. The whole world is infected! Rick: Yeah, it's pretty wild how fast that spread. I've really outdone myself. Morty: Outdone yourself?! W-w a-are are you kidding me, Rick? This is not okay! Not only do they all want to have s*x with me, but, you know, now they want to eat me afterwards! Rick: Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. Mantises are they opposite of voles? I mean, obviously, dna's a little more complicated than that. You know what, though, Morty? This right here's gonna do the tRick, baby. It's koala mixed with rattlesnake, chimpanzee, cactus, shark, golden retriever, and just a smidge of dinosaur. Should add up to normal humanity. Morty: I don't that doesn't make any sense, Rick. How does that add up to normal humanity? Morty: What, Morty, you want me to show you my math? I'm sorry a-are you the scientist or are you the kid that wanted to get laid? [Exhales deeply] Well, I'm glad we saved all those horses, but I'm almost sorry we're finished. Beth: Yes, it's satisfying work. Unh-unh-unh, it's, uh it's more than the work. I love being in that sterilized room, sealed off from the world. It's the only time I can really think... and feel. [Slow music plays] Beth: Hmm, uh, what are you doing? I'm playing african dream pop. What do youdo after a long night? [Click] Beth: Oh, ha, um, hey, I b I'd better get going. Um, Jerry's been texting some pretty high-maintenance stuff. Beth... Beth: What is it, davin? Just once, I'd like to know [sneezes] ...w-w-what it was like to give your son a bath. Beth: What?! What does Morty's skin smell like? How soft... [grunts] How soft are his privates? Beth: Let go of me, davin! [Glass shatters] [roars] Take me to Morty. Jerry: [grunts] You're not Morty. Jerry: No. I'm mr. Crowbar, and this is my friend, who is also a crowbar. That's... stupid. Jerry: [grunting] Yeah? Well, look where being smart got you. Beth: Jerry! Thank god! Jerry: God? God's turning people into insect monsters, Beth. I'm the one beating them to death. Thank me. Beth: Thank you, Jerry. Thank you. Rick: Take a good look down there, Morty, and soak it in, because, you know, once I pull this lever, it's all back to normal. Morty: Just do it already. Rick: Well, technically, Morty, there's no rush. I mean, you know, o-once it's fixed, it's done. It's fixed. You know, we could we could just enjoy it for a little bit. I mean, l-l-l-look at how crazy it is. I mean, Morty, w-w-when's the next time you're gonna see something like this? I mean, soak it in, you know? It's it's pretty neat. It's pretty interesting. Morty: That's it, Rick! I'm pulling the lever. [Grunts] Rick: W-what do we have here, Morty? Looks like I was right and you were wrong, huh? I-i-i-i-i-i-i bet you feel pretty stupid right about now, huh? I-i-i bet you feel like the world's smallest man that you were doubting me about this whole thing, Morty. Morty: Oh, Rick, something's not right. Rick: [sighs] Yeah, you. You're not right ever. Morty: No, no! Look, you idiot! [All screaming] [all speaking native language] [all groaning] [all ululating] Rick: Bet you're loving this, Morty. This must be the best day of your life. You get to be the mayor of I told you town. [Slurps] You're welcome. [Slurps] Jerry: Hold on. Beth: [whimpers] [engine revs, tires squeal] [gun cocks] Jerry: I wish that shotgun was my pen1s. Beth: If it were, you could call me ernest hemingway. Jerry: I don't get it, and I don't need to. [Both moaning] Summer: Mom! Dad! Both: Summer! Beth: [sighs] Jerry: Where's Morty? Summer: I don't know. Do you think grandpa Rick had something to do with this? Jerry: It's not fair to assume that, Summer. Beth: Oh, not fair? Give me a break. He is a selfish, irresponsible ass, and he left my mother. A real man stands by his woman. [Both moaning] Summer: Tchoo. Tchoo-tchoo-tchoo. Tchoo-tchoo. Rick: Boy, Morty, I really cronenberged the world up, didn't i? We got a whole planet of cronenbergs walking around down there, Morty. A-at least they're not in love with you anymore, though. That's a huge step in the right direction. Morty: Oh, my god! It's a living nightmare! How could you be so irresponsible, Rick? Rick: Me irresponsible?! You all I wanted you to do was hand me a screwdriver, Morty! You're the one who wanted to be wanted me to buckle down and make you up a... roofie-juice serum so you could roofie that poor girl at your school. I mean, g w-w-w-w-w w are you kidding me, Morty? You're gonna try to take the high road on this one? Y-y-y-y-you're a little creep, Morty. Y-you're a you're you're you're just a little creepy... creep person. Morty: All right, fine. I should have just listened to you when you refused to make the serum. I'm willing to accept my part of the blame for this, Rick. But I'll tell you something you know what? You got to accept your part of the blame! I'm not the one who fouled up the serum! I'm not the one who who who who haphazardly, you know, mixed a bunch of nonsense together and created a bunch of cronenbergs! You got to fix this, Rick! Morty: All right, all right, Morty. You know, w-w-w-we are in a pretty deep hole, here, but I do have one emergency solution that I can use that'll kind of put everything back to normal, relatively speaking. Here, Morty, put this on while I do a little bit of scouting. [Birds chirping] Morty: Wow, Rick, I got to say you really pulled a rabbit out of your hat this time. I mean, i-i really thought that the whole place was gonna be messed up for good, but here, you did it y-y-you you you figured out that crazy solution, like you always do. Whoo! That's some great luck. Rick: Come on, Morty. Luck had nothing to do with it. I'm great. That's the real reason. Now, Morty, what do you say, buddy? Will you hand me a screwdriver so I can finish my ionic dis defibulizer? Morty: Sure thing, Rick. Here's a screwdriver. Rick: All right, Morty. Thank you very much. We got one screw turn... and two screw turns... and... all right, Morty, here we are. Morty: Oh, my god, Rick! Is that us?! W-w-w-we're dead! What is going on, Rick? I'm freaking out! Rick: Calm down, Morty! Look at me! Calm down, Morty! Morty: No, I can't deal with this! Rick: Calm yourself, Morty. Morty: I can't deal with this, Rick! Rick: Calm down, Morty. Morty: This can't be real! Rick: You got to calm down, Morty. Morty: W-w-w-w-we're ripped apart! Rick: Shut up and listen to me! It's fine. Everything is fine. There's an infinite number of realities, Morty, and in a few dozen of those, I got lucky and turned everything back to normal. I just had to find one of those realities in which we also happen to both die around this time. Now we can just slip into the place of our dead selves in this reality and everything will be fine. We're not skipping a beat, Morty. Now, help me with these bodies. Morty: This is insane. Rick: Look, Morty, I'll grab myself, you grab yourself, okay? I mean, t-t-t-that seems fair to me I mean, that seems like a fair way to divvy it up. Morty: Rick, what about the reality we left behind? Rick: What about the reality where hitler cured cancer, Morty? The answer is don't think about it. It's not like we can do this every week, anyways. We get three or four more of these, tops. Now, pick up your dead self and come on. Haste makes waste. I-i-i don't suppose you've considered this detail, but obviously, if I hadn't screwed up as much as I did, we'd be these guys right now, so, again, you're welcome. ♪ look on down from the bridge ♪ ♪ there's still fountains down there ♪ ♪ look on down from the bridge ♪ ♪ it's still raining up here ♪ ♪ everybody seems so far away from me ♪ ♪ everybody just wants to be free ♪ ♪ look away from the sky ♪ ♪ it's no different when you're leaving home ♪ ♪ I can't be the same thing to you now ♪ ♪ I'm just gone ♪ ♪ just gone ♪ ♪ how could I say goodbye? ♪ ♪ how could I say goodbye? ♪ Summer: You know, the thing about a shark... he's got lifeless eyes... black eyes, like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn't seem to be living until he bites ya, and then the the blood, and the red, and the water... Jerry: [sighs] You ever wonder what happened to Rick and Morty? Beth: Sometimes. But, I'm ashamed to admit, now that they're gone, I'm finally happy. Rick: Here we are, cronenberg Morty a reality where everyone in the world got genetically cronenberged. We'll fit right in, cronenberg Morty. It'll be like we never even left cronenberg world. Morty: Yeah, cronenberg Rick, but, you know, I'm gonna miss cronenberg world, because everyone was cronenberged all along like us from the beginning, you know? I mean, i-i wish we hadn't genetically ruined cronenberg world beyond repair like we did, you know, and turned everyone into regular, normal people just walking around. Rick: Don't you worry about that sort of thing, cronenberg Morty. Let's go make ourselves at home, huh?

Morty is interested in going to the dance at his school with his classmate Jessica, so he asks Rick for a love potion. However, because Jessica has the flu, the potion becomes airborne and goes haywire, causing not only her but the whole population of Earth to fall for Morty save for blood relatives. Rick attempts to fix up an antidote, but he fails twice, ultimately causing all humans affected by the love potion to turn into mutated monsters called "Cronenbergs" (a reference to famous director of body horror films David Cronenberg). Meanwhile, Jerry visits Beth in her workplace because he is concerned about her fidelity, and they find Summer later. Rick and Morty then migrate to another dimension where their duplicates died soon after successfully curing all of Earth, thus allowing Rick and Morty to assume their roles. Post-credits scene : Jerry, Beth and Summer are happy to stay together as the only normal human family in their post-apocalyptic mutated world, glad that Rick and Morty are gone. Two Cronenberg versions of Rick and Morty come from the "Cronenberg world" to live there as well, because their home was inhabited by Cronenbergs all along, which were accidentally transformed into normal people.

fd_Doctor_Who_06x12

fd_Doctor_Who_06x12_0

EXT. CITY STREET, NIGHT Streetlights flicker and a few people mill about the park across from Sanderson & Grainger department store. INT. STORE, LADIES DEPARTMENT, NIGHT A young clerk, KELLY, and her supervisor, SHONA, are serving the last customer of the night. SHONA: Thank you. (gives customer his bag) KELLY: I better cash up then? S'pose John-Joe can just wait for me? (doesn't move) SHONA: No, I'll do it, you head off. The lights in the store flicker. KELLY: When's the council going to fix this? Last night my telly went off in the middle of Top Model. SHONA: John-Joe's waiting. I'll do the changing rooms, too. KELLY: Oh, thanks, Shona. KELLY leaves and SHONA looks at the lights nervously. INT. OWENS HOUSE, FRONT HALL, NIGHT The hall light flickers as CRAIG and SOPHIE come down the stairs. SOPHIE has a coat on. SOPHIE: There's a list on the fridge. CRAIG: I saw it. SOPHIE: And I've labelled the food And sort of numbered it. CRAIG: Sophie, you don't need to number food. SOPHIE: It's just a suggestion. Also, my mum might phone. CRAIG: Might? SOPHIE: And your Mum. And my Dad. And you know, just some people. CRAIG: I can cope on my own! Now, please, go and have a rest. You need it. I love you. SOPHIE: I love you, too. (hugs him) And thank you for this. And I do know you can cope on your own. And I may have drawn some arrows in the fridge. CRAIG: You do really have to go. CRAIG picks up her bag and walks her outside. INT. STORE, LADIES CHANGING ROOMS, NIGHT SHONA walks into the changing rooms and sees clothes strewn about the floor as the lights continue to flicker. SHONA: Kelly! SHONA bends over to start picking up the clothes. The curtain over the last room waves. SHONA: Hello? Sorry, we need to close up? Two minutes, OK? (continues to pick up clothes) INT. OWENS HOUSE, KITCHEN, NIGHT CRAIG is sitting at the table talking on the phone. CRAIG: Mum, it's not just you. I'm phoning everybody. I'm texting the world. Craig Owens can do it on his own. No-one is coming to help me! (knock on the front door) Mum, I'm going to have to call you back. (shuts off the phone and rubs his eyes as the knocking continues) I'm coping, I'm coping on my own... I'm coping on my own! (walks to the front door) EXT. OWENS HOUSE, FRONT DOOR, NIGHT CRAIG: (opens door) I'm coping on my own! DOCTOR: Hello, Craig! I'm back! CRAIG: She didn't? How could she phone you? DOCTOR: How could who phone me? Nobody phoned me, I'm just here. (peers inside) You've redecorated! I don't like it. CRAIG: It's a different house, we moved. DOCTOR: Yes, that's it. CRAIG: Doctor, what are you doing here? DOCTOR: Social call. Thought it was about time I tried one out. How are you? CRAIG: I'm fine. DOCTOR: This is the bit where I say. "I'm fine, too" isn't it? I'm fine, too. Good. Love to Sophie, bye! The DOCTOR turns and walks away but stops when the light at the front door begins to flicker. DOCTOR: Something's wrong! (goes inside) CRAIG shuts the door. INT. OWENS HOUSE, HALL, NIGHT The DOCTOR is scanning with the sonic. He then goes upstairs. DOCTOR: On your own, you said. But you're not... you're not on your own! CRAIG: (follows) Just, shhh! DOCTOR: Increased sulphur emissions. And look at the state of this place. What are you not telling me? CRAIG: Doctor, please! DOCTOR: Shhh! CRAIG: No, you shhh! DOCTOR: Shhh! CRAIG: Shhh! DOCTOR: No, you shhh! (goes to bedroom door) CRAIG: Doctor! INT. STORE, LADIES CHANGING ROOMS, NIGHT SHONA is still cleaning up when she sees the shadow of a pair of legs appear in the last changing room. SHONA: (walks closer) Hello, who's in there? INT. OWENS HOUSE, HALL, NIGHT The DOCTOR opens the bedroom door and rushes in. INT. OWENS HOUSE, ALFIE'S ROOM, NIGHT We see the room is a nursery with stuffed toys and cloth hangings on the walls. The DOCTOR doesn't see any of this. DOCTOR: Whatever you are, get off this planet! ALFIE starts to cry and CRAIG goes over to the crib. CRAIG: Oh, you've woken him! INT. STORE, LADIES CHANGING ROOMS, NIGHT SHONA stops just outside the curtain. SHONA: Hello? You all right? SHONA opens the curtain and screams. Inside is a CYBERMAN, albeit one that is dirty and scratched. [SCENE_BREAK] Matt Smith Karen Gillan Arthur Darvill "Closing Time" By Gareth Roberts Producer Marcus Wilson Director Steve Hughes [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OWENS HOUSE, KITCHEN, NIGHT The DOCTOR closes the freezer door and turns to CRAIG DOCTOR: So when you say on your own... CRAIG: (holding ALFIE) Yes, I meant on my own with the baby, yes. Cos no-one thinks I can cope on my own. Which is so unfair. Because...I can't cope on my own with him! I can't. He just cries. All the time. I mean, do they have off-switches? DOCTOR: (sits at table and flips through a pregnancy book) Human beings. No. I've checked. CRAIG: (puts ALFIE in high chair) No, babies. DOCTOR: Same difference. Sometimes this works though. (puts forefinger in front of his lips) Ssh. ALFIE quiets. CRAIG: Can you teach me to do that? DOCTOR: (now looking at baby books) Probably not. CRAIG: Oh, please come on, I need something, I'm rubbish at this. DOCTOR: At what? CRAIG: Being a dad. You read all the books, they tell you you'll know what to do if you follow your instinct. I have no instinct! That's what this weekend's about, trying to prove to people I can do this one thing well. DOCTOR: (laughs at the book and closes it) So what did you call him? Will I blush? CRAIG: No, we didn't call him "the Doctor"! DOCTOR: No, I didn't think you would. CRAIG: He's called Alfie. What are you doing here anyway? As CRAIG prepares tea, the DOCTOR leans over and listens to ALFIE. DOCTOR: Yes, he likes that, Alfie. Though personally he prefers to be called Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All. CRAIG: Sorry, what? DOCTOR: That's what he calls himself. CRAIG: How do you know that? DOCTOR: I speak baby. (stands) CRAIG: Of course you do! I don't even know when his nappy needs changing. (sits) I'm the one supposed to be his dad. DOCTOR: Oh, yeah. He's wondering where his mum is? (massages CRAIG'S shoulders) Where is Sophie? CRAIG: Gone away with Melina for the weekend. Needs a rest. DOCTOR: (to ALFIE) No, he's your dad, you can't just call him 'Not-Mum'. CRAIG: Not-Mum? DOCTOR: That's you. Also, Not Mum, that's me. And everybody else is...(leans in front of ALFIE) "peasants." That's a bit unfortunate. (tickles ALFIE's head) CRAIG: What are you here for? DOCTOR: I just popped in to say hello. (almost puts a piece of chalk in his mouth) CRAIG: I checked down stairs when I moved in. And next door, both sides, they're humans. Is it the fridge? Are there aliens in my fridge? DOCTOR: I just want to see you, Craig! Cross my hearts. (each hand crosses a heart) I've been knocking about on my own. A farewell tour. One last thing, popping in to see you, then I'm off to the Alignment of Exedor. CRAIG: The Alignment of Exedor? DOCTOR: 17 galaxies in perfect unison. Meant to be spectacular, I can't miss it. Literally can't. It's locked in a time stasis field, I get one crack at flying my TARDIS straight into it, if I get my dates right. (looks at newspaper) Which I have. CRAIG: Sounds nice. DOCTOR: (picks up the paper again) So this is me popping in and popping out again. Just being social, just having a laugh. (slowly) Never mind that. CRAIG: Never mind what? DOCTOR: Nothing. CRAIG: (stands) No, you noticed something. You've got your noticing face on. I have nightmares about that face. The DOCTOR puts a hand over his face and spins around as CRAIG talks. DOCTOR: Nope, given up all that, done with noticing things. (lights flicker) Didn't even notice that, for example. Got to go. Good seeing you, Craig. (shakes CRAIG'S hand) Goodbye, Stormageddon. (air kisses ALFIE on each cheek) ALFIE starts fussing as the DOCTOR walks away. CRAIG: No, no, wait, wait, could you do the shushing thing? Shhh. DOCTOR: No, it only works once, and only on life forms with underdeveloped brains. CRAIG: Hang on, you said farewell tour? What do you mean, farewell? DOCTOR: Ssh... CRAIG can't speak. EXT. OWENS HOUSE, STREET, NIGHT The DOCTOR walks down the street talking to himself. DOCTOR: Just go. Stop noticing. Just go! Stop noticing! Just go. Stop noticing. Just go. Stop it! (sees the streetlight flicker) Am I noticing? No, no I am not. And what I am not doing is scanning for electrical fluctuations. (scans with sonic) Oh, shut up, you! I'm just dropping in on a friend, the last thing I need right no is a patina of teleport energy, I'm going. Going! Not staying. Going. I am through saving them. (rests head on TARDIS door) I'm going away now. INT. STORE, TOY DEPARTMENT, DAY The DOCTOR is demonstrating a remote control helicopter for a group of children. DOCTOR: It goes up-tiddly up, it goes down-tiddly down-down! For only £49.99, which I think is a bit steep but then again it's your parents' cash and they'll only waste it on boring stuff like lamps and vegetables, yawn! CRAIG enters pushing ALFIE in a stroller. He's on his mobile with SOPHIE. CRAIG: Yeah, Soph... Just enjoy your holiday! Yeah, coping. DOCTOR: Nobody panic, but I appear to be losing control. CRAIG: Yeah, love you. The helicopter comes down behind CRAIG. The DOCTOR sits on the display table. DOCTOR: Oops. (kneels on the floor and gathers the children around him) Guys, guys, ladies and gentlemen, while I deal with this awkward moment you go and find your parents/guardians! Try in lamps! (gives one girl a high five before they leave) Craig! CRAIG: What the hell are you doing here? DOCTOR: I'm the Doctor, I work in a shop now. Here to help. They gave me a badge (points) with my name on in case I forget who I am, very thoughtful, as that does happen. CRAIG: You were leaving... the alignment of Exeter, what about that? One chance to see it, you said. DOCTOR: Well, I was on my way, saw a shop, got a job, you got to live in the moment, Craig. (turns away) Mind Yappy. CRAIG: What? DOCTOR: Yappy. The robot dog. Not so much fun as I remember. (strokes YAPPY) You look awful! CRAIG: I haven't slept, have I? I still can't stop him crying. I even tried singing to him last night. DOCTOR: Yeah, he did mention that...he thought you were crying, too. He didn't get a wink. Yappy, say goodbye to Craig and Stormageddon. (pretends to be the dog) "Goodbye, Craig, goodbye, Stormageddon." As the DOCTOR sets Yappy down, something whizzes across the floor at the other end of the department. DOCTOR: What was that? (heads down the aisle) CRAIG: You're here for a reason, aren't you? You noticed something, and you're investigating it. The DOCTOR gets down on his hands and knees. CRAIG: Because it's you, it's going to be dangerous and alien. DOCTOR: (stands) It might not be. CRAIG: Doctor, I live here, I need to know! DOCTOR: No, you don't. CRAIG: My baby lives here, my son. DOCTOR: Sheila Clark, went missing Tuesday. Atif Ghosh, last seen Friday. Tom Luker, last seen Sunday. CRAIG: (picks up newspaper) Why's that not on the front page? DOCTOR: Page one has an exclusive on Nina, a local girl who got kicked off Britain's Got Talent. These people are on pages seven, 19, 22. (pushes the stroller) No-one's noticed yet, they're far too excited about Nina's emotional journey, which in fairness, is quite inspiring. CRAIG: And what else? INT. STORE, CHILDREN'S, DAY DOCTOR: These funny old power fluctuations... which just happen to coincide with the disappearances. CRAIG: That's just the council, putting in new cables. Isn't it? The DOCTOR stops in front of the lift that is blocked by construction tape. DOCTOR: Oh, yes, that's it, mystery solved, oh, wasting my time, now you can go home and (uses sonic on lift) I can go to Exedor, goodbye, and here's a lift. CRAIG: It says out of order. DOCTOR: Not any more. (pulls down tape) See? Here to help. The lift doors open and the DOCTOR starts to push the stroller inside. CRAIG takes over. CRAIG: It says, "danger". DOCTOR: Oh, rubbish, lifts aren't dangerous. CRAIG: Do I look like I'm stupid? ALFIE gurgles. INT. STORE, LIFT, DAY DOCTOR: Quiet, Stormy! Oh, all right, there's more. (enters lift and uses sonic on the panel) Just between you, me and Stormy, don't want to frighten my punters. Someone's been using a teleport relay, right here in this shop. Missing people last seen in this area. (places his finger on CRAIG'S lips) Before you ask, CCTV's been wiped. CRAIG: A teleport? (stammers) A teleport? Like a beam me up teleport, (uses hand motions) like you see in Star Trek? DOCTOR: Exactly. Someone's been using a beam me up Star Trek teleport. Could be disguised as anything. CRAIG: But a teleport? In a shop? That's ridiculous! The lights flicker again and they are no longer in the lift. CRAIG hasn't noticed. INT. CYBERSHIP, DAY CRAIG: What was that? Was that the lights again? DOCTOR: (squeaky) Yes, that's it. That's all, it's the lights. CRAIG: Why did you say that like that? DOCTOR: (high) Like what? (normal) Like, like what? CRAIG: Like that, in that high-pitched voice. DOCTOR: Just keep looking at me, Craig. Right at me, just keep looking. CRAIG: Why? DOCTOR: Well, because, because, because... (CRAIG starts to turn around and the DOCTOR grabs his arms) I love you. CRAIG: You love me? DOCTOR: Yes, Craig. It's you. It's always been you. CRAIG: Me? The DOCTOR puts his arms around CRAIG'S shoulders, trying to hide the fact he's taken out the sonic. DOCTOR: Is that so surprising? CRAIG: Doctor, are you going to kiss me? DOCTOR: Yes, Craig. Yes, I am. Would you like that? Bit out of practice, but I've had some wonderful feedback. (puckers up) CRAIG: Doctor, no, I can't, I'm taken... (turns around and sees the ship) Oh, my God! DOCTOR: Or we could just hold hands if it make you'd feel more comfortable? CRAIG: What is happening? A Cyberman appears in the distance and sees them. DOCTOR: Well, first of all, I don't really love you, except as a friend. The Cyberman walks towards them. CRAIG: And what is that? With a scream, the DOCTOR uses the sonic on the machinery sending them back to the lift just as the Cyberman was about to reach them. INT. STORE, LIFT, DAY DOCTOR: Quick reverse! CRAIG: What the hell just happened? INT. STORE, CHILDREN'S, DAY The lift opens and the DOCTOR strides out, followed by CRAIG pushing the stroller. DOCTOR: They must have linked the teleport relay to the lift, but I've fused it! They can't use that again. Stuck up there on their spaceship. CRAIG: What were those things? DOCTOR: Cybermen. CRAIG: Ship? Space ship? We were in space? EXT. CITY STREET, NIGHT The DOCTOR and CRAIG look up at the sky as the DOCTOR scans with the sonic. DOCTOR: It's got to be up there somewhere, can't get a fix, it must be shielded. CRAIG: You fused the teleport. You sorted it. They can't come back. DOCTOR: I've just bought myself a little time. Still got to work out what they're doing before I can stop it. CRAIG: But if they've got the teleport and they're evil, why haven't they invaded already? DOCTOR: Craig... take Alfie and go. CRAIG: No! DOCTOR: No? CRAIG: No, I remember from last time, people got killed, people that didn't know you. I know where it's safest, for me and Alfie. And that's right next to you. DOCTOR: Is that so? CRAIG: Yeah, you always win, you always survive! DOCTOR: Those were the days. CRAIG: I can help you, I'm staying! DOCTOR: Craig...(shakes head) Craig, all right, all right... maybe those days aren't quite over yet. Let's go and investigate... I mean, there's no immediate danger now. INT. STORE, JEWELRY, NIGHT The DOCTOR and CRAIG walk in with the stroller. The DOCTOR greets an older woman behind the counter. DOCTOR: Good afternoon, Val. VAL: Hello. The DOCTOR starts to walk over to the counter, but CRAIG grabs his arm. CRAIG: Where am I investigating? DOCTOR: Well, look round. Ask questions. People like it when you're with a baby, babies are sweet, people talk to you. That's why I usually take a human with me. CRAIG: So I'm your baby? DOCTOR: You're my baby! (hugs CRAIG) From the counter, VAL watches and smiles. CRAIG leaves with ALFIE. The DOCTOR tries on a pair of sunglasses. VAL: Hope you don't mind me saying, Doctor, but I think you look ever so sweet, you and your partner and the baby. DOCTOR: Partner. Yes, I like it. Is it better than 'companion'? VAL: Companion sounds old-fashioned. There's no need to be coy these days. DOCTOR: You've not noticed anything unusual around here lately, Val? VAL: Well... DOCTOR: Yes, yes? VAL: Mary Warnock saw Don Petheridge snogging Andrea Groom outside the Conservative Club on his so-called day off 'golfing'. DOCTOR: Yeah. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. The DOCTOR air-kisses VAL on each cheek and starts to walk away. VAL: And then there's that silver rat thing. DOCTOR: (turns) What? INT. STORE, LADIES DEPARTMENT, NIGHT As CRAIG walks through pushing the stroller, we see a "silver rat thing" zip across the floor. CRAIG stops to give himself a pep talk. CRAIG: All right, Alfie, you watch Daddy investigate. You look cute, I'll do the talking. CRAIG approaches KELLY, who is holding bras up for size. CRAIG leans in a little close. KELLY: Good afternoon, sir, can I help you? CRAIG: Hiya! (holds out his hand) I'm Craig! KELLY: (ignores CRAIG'S hand) Yeah? CRAIG: Do you mind, if I just ask you some questions? KELLY: Y'what? CRAIG: Just between you and me, in confidence, have you noticed anything unusual? Interesting? KELLY: Y'what? CRAIG: Talk to me about ladieswear. KELLY: (backs away) George! A large security guard walks over. CRAIG: Hi, George... nice uniform. INT. STORE, TOY DEPARTMENT, NIGHT The DOCTOR is under a table scanning with the sonic. He has a large net in his other hand. DOCTOR: A silver rat. (stands) Glowing red eyes. VAL: Yes, then it zizzed off. I wanted to get one for my nephew, but stockroom say there's no such item. DOCTOR: I bet they do. (puts away sonic) VAL: Well, what was it then? Answer me that. INT. STORE, LADIES DEPARTMENT, NIGHT GEORGE: Can I help you, sir? CRAIG: Have you seen how cute my baby is? Look at his face. (backs away pulling stroller) I'm going to head off actually. All right, whoa..(knocks over a stand) INT. STORE, TOY DEPARTMENT, NIGHT The DOCTOR and VAL hear the sound of stands falling over. VAL: What's all that hullabaloo? DOCTOR: Umm. That'll be my partner! (hands VAL the net and runs off) VAL: Aww! INT. STORE, LADIES DEPARTMENT, NIGHT CRAIG is trying to pick up the items. ALFIE is crying. GEORGE: Make a habit of hanging round in womens' wear, sir? CRAIG: I'm sorry, oh, ssh, ssh, Alfie, come on. (rocks the stroller) KELLY: He's a pervert, look at him. The DOCTOR runs over. DOCTOR: Hello, everyone! Here to help. KELLY: Hello, Doctor. GEORGE: Hello, Doctor. DOCTOR: Hello. Has anyone seen a silver rat? No, OK. Long shot, I see you've met my friend, Craig. Nice uniform George. (gives him the "OK" sign and whistles) GEORGE: Thank you, Doctor. If he's with you, that's all right then. KELLY: Sorry. I thought he was hassling me, 'cause that's the last thing I need today. 'Cause Shona's not turned up, right, so I'm doing twice the work for the same money. DOCTOR: Ssh! KELLY stops talking. CRAIG: Please teach me how to do that. DOCTOR: No hold on... Un-ssh! Shona? KELLY: My supervisor. She's meant to be in today but never showed up. DOCTOR: Where did you last see her? INT. STORE, LADIES CHANGING ROOMS, NIGHT The DOCTOR and CRAIG walk along the changing room corridor. CRAIG: How do you do that? It's a power, isn't it, some sort of weird alien hypnotic power, I bet you excrete some sort of gas that makes people love you. DOCTOR: Would that I could, Craig. The DOCTOR opens a curtain and a woman screams. He closes the curtain. DOCTOR: Sorry, Madam. (opens curtain) I'd try that in red if I were you. (closes curtain) CRAIG: I'm right though, aren't I? DOCTOR: (peers into another room) You love me, I've never excreted any weird alien gases at you. CRAIG: I don't love you! Don't start that again. ALFIE gurgles. DOCTOR: Yes, I know. Of course he does. Of course you do, we're partners. CRAIG: But I did exactly what you would have done, and I nearly got arrested! ALFIE makes some more noises. DOCTOR: Stormy thinks you should believe in yourself more. (scans with the sonic) CRAIG: Great, now my baby is reviewing me. The DOCTOR steps into the last room. DOCTOR: Here. Right here Last night, a Cyberman took Shona. CRAIG: A Cyberman...I thought it was a little silver rat? DOCTOR: It's not a rat. It's a Cybermat! CRAIG: All right don't have a go at me just cos I don't know the names. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. STORE, LADIES DEPARTMENT, NIGHT The DOCTOR and CRAIG walk through the department. DOCTOR: Cybermats are infiltrators. Very small, very deadly... they collect power like bees collect pollen. One of them's been sucking the electrical energy from this area. But why a shop, you know, why not a nuclear power station? CRAIG: OK, why? DOCTOR: Let's ask it. We wait for the shop to shut, we stake the place out, and grab ourselves a Cybermat. CRAIG: And this is just a coincidence, is it? DOCTOR: What is? CRAIG: Aliens in Colchester? Aliens twice in my life, happening to me just when you turn up. DOCTOR: This is not my fault, Craig. ALFIE starts fussing. CRAIG: Shh, shh. Look what you've done! (comforts ALFIE) DOCTOR: It's his nappy, he's mentioned it twice. CRAIG: I don't speak baby, do I? DOCTOR: There's a changing station over by electrical goods. CRAIG: And of course, you'd know that. Come on, Alfie. (heads off) VAL sees what's happening while with a customer. DOCTOR: Craig it's a coincidence. It happens, it's what the universe does for... The DOCTOR turns around and sees AMY and RORY shopping-RORY carrying many bags. A GIRL comes up to AMY. GIRL: Can I have your autograph please? AMY: Yeah. Sure. (takes the girl's notepad) DOCTOR: ..fun. AMY: What's your name? GIRL: Ellie. AMY: (signs autograph) I like your hairband. ELLIE: Thank you. The DOCTOR opens his mouth as if to call AMY. Instead, he backs away and ducks behind a rack of clothes. RORY: All right? AMY: There you go. (hands ELLIE her pad) ELLIE: Thank you. AMY and RORY leave. ELLIE points out AMY to her mother and then points in the DOCTOR'S direction. The DOCTOR questioningly points at himself before turning around. Behind him on the wall is a promotional ad bearing AMY'S face. It is for a perfume named Petrichor "For The Girl Who's Tired of Waiting". DOCTOR: (smiles) Amelia Pond. INT. STORE, PERFUME COUNTER, NIGHT The DOCTOR and CRAIG hide as GEORGE walks by on patrol. The DOCTOR is holding the net. DOCTOR: OK, sshh. The DOCTOR and CRAIG get up as soon as GEORGE passes by. The DOCTOR starts scanning with the sonic. DOCTOR: Right. Let's be having you then, Cybermat. ALFIE starts crying. CRAIG: Can't you put that on quiet? DOCTOR: No! It's a sonic screwdriver. Sonic equals sound! (takes an item out from his coat) Take this. I got it on my discount, 10% off. It's a papoose. (drapes it on CRAIG) CRAIG: Why do I need a papoose? DOCTOR: Alfie wants to attach you to him. You're far too slow when he summons you. CRAIG: When's he going to stop giving me marks? DOCTOR: Never. That's parenthood. Couldn't you have got a babysitter? (ALFIE vocalizes) No, any babysitter...doesn't have to be a hot one. CRAIG: I told everyone I know I didn't need their help this weekend, they won't answer my calls. I didn't know there was going to be an invasion of Cyberman. (ALFIE fusses) Sshh. INT. STORE, BASEMENT, NIGHT GEORGE is checking the fusebox. He taps one of the fluorescent lights and it comes on momentarily. He uses his torch to check the corridor. INT. STORE, PERFUME COUNTER, NIGHT The DOCTOR and CRAIG try to quiet ALFIE. DOCTOR: It's OK. As CRAIG picks up ALFIE, the DOCTOR sees the cybermat and lunges, catching it in the net. DOCTOR: Ha-ha! (whispers) That's very odd. It must be on low power. Or I'm better at that than I remember. The DOCTOR picks up the cybermat and stands, showing CRAIG. CRAIG: Oh, is that it? DOCTOR: Yeah. CRAIG: Oh, it's quiet cute look at that. Look, Alfie, look. The cybermat opens its mouth showing two rows of sharp teeth. CRAIG screams and the DOCTOR uses the sonic on it. INT. STORE, BASEMENT, NIGHT GEORGE walks down one of the corridors but stops when he hears a clanking sound. As he turns, behind him we see the silhouette of a Cyberman. INT. STORE, PERFUME COUNTER, NIGHT CRAIG is panicking. CRAIG: Metal rat. Real mouth! Metal rat, Real mouth, metal rat, real mouth! DOCTOR: Stop screaming. STOP SCREAMING! Sshh! They hear a scream. DOCTOR: Come on! The DOCTOR runs off and CRAIG follows, putting ALFIE in the papoose as he does so. INT. STORE, BASEMENT, NIGHT The DOCTOR searches the corridors using the sonic's "torch" setting. DOCTOR: George! (spots GEORGE'S torch on the floor and then sees GEORGE'S body) George... As the DOCTOR bends over to examine GEORGE, a Cyberman comes out of the doorway and knocks him to the ground with its arm. He blacks out. He comes too with CRAIG looking down at him. CRAIG: Doctor! Doctor! What happened? DOCTOR: Oh, I've been chipped, chapped... Chopped! (CRAIG helps him stand) The Cyberman... it killed George, took him back to the ship. CRAIG: The Cybermen are here! But you said. DOCTOR: (stumbles) Yeah, I know what I said, I say a lot of things! (scans with sonic) But I fused the teleport it should have taken them days to repair. CRAIG: Are you OK? DOCTOR: I should be dead...but the arm it chopped me with, it was damaged, old spare parts. Must have changed those missing people. CRAIG: They changed the missing into Cybermen? Why didn't they change you? DOCTOR: Long story. I'm not exactly compatible. But why are they using spare parts, why? Everything I find out makes less sense! CRAIG: Doctor, listen to me. If the Cybermen are here, then we're not safe, we've got to go. We've got to go back to base. DOCTOR: We've got a base? When did we get a base? INT. OWENS HOUSE, KITCHEN, NIGHT The DOCTOR is playing mad scientist mixing up something on the table. Resting next to him is the cybermat. CRAIG: I'm going down the shops, we're out of milk. You know what to do if he cries. (tosses intercom at the DOCTOR) DOCTOR: No! CRAIG: (from hallway) Me neither. ALFIE starts crying. INT. OWENS HOUSE, ALFIE'S ROOM, NIGHT Above ALFIE'S crib is a soft mobile of the moon and stars. As it turns, it plays music and projects stars onto the ceiling. The DOCTOR steps cautiously into the room. DOCTOR: Hello, Stormageddon. It's the Doctor. Here to help. The DOCTOR picks up a small stuffed bunny and tries to get the baby's attention. DOCTOR: Shhh. There, there. Be quiet. Go to sleep. Really, stop crying. (ALFIE looks at him) You've got a lot to look forward to, you know. A normal human life on Earth. Mortgage repayments, the nine to five, a persistent nagging sense of spiritual emptiness. Save the tears for later, boyo. Oh, no! (rubs forehead) That was crabby. No, that was old! But I am old, Stormy. I am so old. So near the end. INT. OWENS HOUSE, KITCHEN, NIGHT On the kitchen table, the cybermat switches back on. INT. OWENS HOUSE, ALFIE'S ROOM, NIGHT The DOCTOR picks up ALFIE. DOCTOR: You, Alfie Owens, you are so young, aren't you? And, you know, right now, everything's ahead of you. You could be anything. Yes, I know. You could walk among the stars. They don't actually look like that, you know, they are rather more impressive. The DOCTOR uses the sonic and the projection becomes more realistic of space. DOCTOR: Yeah! You know, when I was little like you, I dreamt of the stars. I think it's fair to say, in the language of your age, that I lived my dream. I owned the stage, gave it a 110%. I hope you have as much fun as I did, Alfie. (kisses ALFIE'S head) INT. OWENS HOUSE, KITCHEN, NIGHT The cybermat is no longer on the table, but scooting across the floor. INT. OWENS HOUSE, ALFIE'S ROOM, NIGHT DOCTOR: Your dad's trying his best, you know. Yes, I know. It's not his fault he doesn't have mammary glands. No, but neither do I! Alfie, why is there a sinister beeping coming from behind me? The DOCTOR turns around slowly and sees the cybermat at the doorway, chomping its mouth. DOCTOR: Oh, no you don't. (uses the sonic) Come on, Alfie. Run! It's only stunned! INT. OWENS HOUSE, KITCHEN, NIGHT The DOCTOR hurries down the stairs and through the kitchen to the door. DOCTOR: It's going to be OK. Good, Alfie. We're going to go outside. Don't worry about it. The DOCTOR opens the door but drops the sonic. The door locks behind him. INT. OWENS HOUSE, FRONT HALL, NIGHT CRAIG returns home. CRAIG: I'm back! CRAIG sets down his mobile and keys. The mobile buzzes. EXT. OWENS HOUSE, BACK GARDEN, NIGHT The DOCTOR is on his mobile. DOCTOR: Come on, Craig, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up! INT. OWENS HOUSE, NIGHT CRAIG checks the rooms for the DOCTOR. CRAIG: Doctor? Doctor? INT. OWENS HOUSE, KITCHEN, NIGHT CRAIG goes into the kitchen and puts away the milk. As he turns around, the cybermat attacks, flying for his throat. The power of the attack knocks CRAIG to the floor, but he is able to hold back the gnashing teeth EXT. OWENS HOUSE, BACK GARDEN, NIGHT The DOCTOR is on his mobile. DOCTOR: Craig, don't worry, Alfie is fine, but on no account enter the house. CRAIG: (inside) Doctor! The DOCTOR turns around and sees CRAIG fighting the cybermat. DOCTOR: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! CRAIG: (inside) Help me! The DOCTOR places ALFIE in his swing and kisses his head. He then spits on his hands, rubs them together and jumps through the glass door. INT. OWENS HOUSE, KITCHEN, NIGHT CRAIG is sill holding the cybermat away from his neck. CRAIG: Where's Alfie?! Where's Alfie?! DOCTOR: He's safe, he's safe! (gets the sonic) CRAIG: Get it off me! DOCTOR: I have to find the right frequency, shut it down! CRAIG: Kill it! DOCTOR: (groans) All right, all right, all right! MOVE! The DOCTOR picks up a pot from the table and hits the cybermat, sending it skidding across the floor. CRAIG gets up but the cybermat is now at the DOCTOR'S throat. DOCTOR: Ow! Baking tray, Craig, baking tray! With timing, the DOCTOR throws it to the floor just as CRAIG covers it and holds it down with a baking tray. The DOCTOR gets up. DOCTOR: Hold it down! CRAIG: Get on with it! DOCTOR: Ah, it must be shielded from metastatic energy! Of course! CRAIG: Yeah, of course! DOCTOR: Don't worry, I have an app for that. Stand back. Stand back! CRAIG moves back and the DOCTOR fires at the cybermat, "killing" it. DOCTOR: Success! That was amazing, you must be really, really strong. That thing should have had you easy. CRAIG: Is it definitely dead? DOCTOR: Inactive, yes. Technically never been alive. It was (air quotes) playing possum before, to take us by surprise. Bravo. (claps) CRAIG: Whoo! (closes eyes and breathes deep) Alfie! (rushes outside) INT. OWENS HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, NIGHT The DOCTOR is sitting on the couch working on the cybermat, using a loupe. CRAIG is holding ALFIE. CRAIG: I'm knackered. That thing was eating up the electricity. DOCTOR: And transmitting it up to the Cybership. But why? Why do they need power, why are those conversions not complete yet, and what are they doing up there? CRAIG: You said you were going to look at its brain. DOCTOR: I had to wipe its brain. Now I can reprogram it, use it as a weapon against them. CRAIG: (sits on the couch) The Cybermat came after us? DOCTOR: No, after me. CRAIG: They sent it after us? DOCTOR: After me. Because of me, you and Alfie nearly died. (takes the loupe from his eye) Do you still feel safe with me, Craig? CRAIG: You can't help who your mates are. DOCTOR: No! I am a stupid and selfish man. Always have been. I should have made you go, I should never have come here. CRAIG: What would have happened if you hadn't come? Who else knows about Cybermen and teleports? DOCTOR: I put people in danger. CRAIG: Stop beating yourself up! If it wasn't for you this whole planet would be an absolute ruin. DOCTOR: (puts down cybermat) Craig, very soon I won't be here... my time is running out. I don't mean Exedor. Silence will fall when the question is asked. Don't even know what the question is. Always knew I'd die still asking. Thing is, Craig, it's tomorrow. Can't put it off any more. Tomorrow is the day I... The DOCTOR looks over to see CRAIG and ALFIE both asleep. He smiles wistfully and sighs. He then stands and covers them with a blanket. EXT. OWENS HOUSE, DAY The DOCTOR closes the door gently behind him. He's holding the cybermat and a remote control. DOCTOR: Safe mode. Clever me. Come along, Bitey. (pets the cybermat as he leaves) INT. OWENS HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, DAY CRAIG wakes with the sun in his eyes. SOPHIE is on the answer phone. SOPHIE: 'So I'll be back about ten, cos Melina's totally gone off on one, she's going to kill David Jenkins. 'I'm stupid to worry, I can't wait to get home to my special boys!' CRAIG stands and notices that the cybermat is missing. CRAIG: Oh, no, no, no! Doctor? INT. OWENS HOUSE, KITCHEN, DAY CRAIG goes looking for the DOCTOR SOPHIE: 'Love you. Alfie, love you, Craig!' The DOCTOR left a note in silver ink on blue paper on the fridge. It reads: Dear Craig, Gone to stop Cybermen. Sorry. Goodbye. The Doctor. CRAIG: You idiot! INT. STORE, LADIES DEPARTMENT, DAY The DOCTOR hurries in, looking around. VAL arrives. VAL: Morning! DOCTOR: Morning. Teleport's still fused. (walks with VAL) They didn't repair it. So the Cyberman last night, how did it get down here, how did it get out? And why, why, am I asking you? VAL: You found the silver rat! DOCTOR: But where are the silver men? INT. OWENS HOUSE, KITCHEN, DAY CRAIG has changed and has dressed ALFIE for outside. He puts the baby into the papoose. CRAIG: Sorry, Alfie, I can't leave you here on your own. There's something up with the Doctor, and we owe him. I wouldn't have you or Mummy if it wasn't for him! He needs someone. He always needs someone and he just can't admit it. I promise nothing's going to happen to you! (kisses him on the cheek) All right, come on, here we go. (leaves) INT. STORE, LADIES CHANGING ROOMS, DAY The DOCTOR runs his theory past the cybermat. DOCTOR: Secondary teleport. No, there is no other teleport, they must have had a back-up system, something complicated, something powerful, something shielded. Something like... a door. A door! (goes into last room) A disillium-bonded steel door disguised as a wall! That is cheating! The full length mirror swings out on hinges revealing a roughly carved tunnel. DOCTOR: So... it didn't teleport down. It climbed up. INT. TUNNEL, DAY The DOCTOR walks slowly and scans with the sonic. He then slides down and into a large cavern where the damaged cyber-ship was hidden. INT. CYBERSHIP, DAY The DOCTOR explores the ship and soon finds the conversion room. DOCTOR: (whistles) Well, well, well. You have been busy. INT. STORE, LADIES DEPARTMENT, DAY CRAIG rushes in. CRAIG: Doctor! Doctor! VAL: Another row? He went in the changing rooms, something about silver men. CRAIG: Oh, God, no. Val, I need you too look after Alfie for me, OK? (takes off papoose) Please look after him, the Doctor needs me. (hands ALFIE to VAL and runs off) CRAIG: Don't follow me! VAL: I wasn't intending to. INT. CYBERSHIP, DAY Partially buried in dirt on the floor, the DOCTOR finds GEORGE'S nametag. A CYBERMAN marches up behind him. CYBERMAN: You have come to us. DOCTOR: Took me a while, alot on my mind. (stands and turns around) Let's see, this ship crashed here centuries ago, no survivors, but the systems are dormant waiting for power. And then the council stick a load of new cables right on top of you. Bitey wakes up and channels the power, you start crewing up from the shop as best you can, not enough power, not enough parts. CYBERMAN: When we are ready we will emerge. We will convert this planet to Cyberform. DOCTOR: What, the six of you? CYBERMAN: You know that is enough. You know us. You are the Doctor. DOCTOR: Correct. And the Doctor always gives you a choice. Deactivate yourself, or I deactivate you. The DOCTOR aims the sonic at it and the CYBERMAN takes a step back. Another CYBERMAN enters behind him. INT. STORE, LADIES CHANGING ROOMS, DAY CRAIG runs through the rooms. CRAIG: Doctor? Doctor? Craig sees the entrance to the tunnel. Looking around, he grabs a handheld UPC scanner before entering the tunnel. INT. CYBERSHIP, DAY The DOCTOR cries out as one of the CYBERMEN grabs him and holds his arms behind his back. The cybermat falls to the ground. CYBERMAN 1: He must be the new leader. CYBERMAN 2: No. He is not like us. Brain and binary vascular system incompatible. CRAIG watches from the other room. CYBERMAN 2: They will be discarded. Other body parts may be of use. CRAIG: (brandishes scanner like a gun) Oi, Cybermen! Get off my planet, or I activate this. DOCTOR: Craig, stop this, get out! CRAIG: It's like you said, Doctor, got to believe you can do it! CYBERMAN 2: You located us? CRAIG: Teleport in the lift, bit rubbish. That little Cybermat never stood a chance. See what you're dealing with? CYBERMAN 2: You are compatible. You are intelligent. The CYBERMAN touches his hand to his chest panel and then shoots electricity at CRAIG, forcing him to drop the scanner. Another CYBERMAN grabs him and pulls him forward. CRAIG: No, I'm not intelligent, you don't want me. CYBERMAN 2: Do not fear. We will take your fear from you. You will be like us. You will be more than us. CYBERMAN 2 moves to one of the conversion chambers and opens it. CRAIG: No, no, no, no. CYBERMAN 2: Your designation is Cyber Controller. You will lead us, we will conquer this world. The CYBERMEN begin to force CRAIG into the chamber. CRAIG: Doctor! DOCTOR: Craig! CRAIG: Do something! Please! Different parts clamp down on CRAIG'S arms and legs. CRAIG: DOCTOR! DOCTOR: Craig, don't worry. I've reprogrammed the Cybermat, it'll drain their power! The DOCTOR pulls the remote from his pocket. The cybermat scuttles across the floor until CYBERMAN 2 steps on it. CYBERMAN 2: You have failed, Doctor. Begin conversion! Phase one. Cleanse the brain of emotions. DOCTOR: No! Craig! Fight it! They can't convert you if you fight back! You're strong, don't give in to it! CRAIG: Help me! DOCTOR: Think of Sophie, think of Alfie, don't let them take it all away! CRAIG: Make it stop. Please make it stop! DOCTOR: Please, listen to me! I believe in you, I believe you can do this! I've always believed in all of you, all my life! I'm going die, Craig. Tomorrow, I'm going to die, but I don't mind if you just prove me right! CRAIG! The headpiece closes around CRAIG, seamlessly welding shut down the middle. CYBERMAN 2: Begin full conversion. The DOCTOR watches in agony as we hear the whir of machinery. INT. STORE, LADIES DEPARTMENT, DAY VAL tries to comfort a crying ALFIE. VAL: Don't worry, It's just a little light going out. INT. CYBERSHIP, DAY A monitor comes to life with security footage from the store of VAL and ALFIE. CYBERMAN 1: Unknown soundwave detected. CYBERMAN 2: It is the sound of fear. It is irrelevant. We will remove all fear. DOCTOR: Alfie! I'm so sorry! Alfie, please stop! I can't help him. CYBERMAN 1: Emotions eradicated conversion complete. CRAIG'S fingers twitch. An alarm sounds. CYBERMAN 2: Alert. Emotional subsystems rebooting. This is impossible. Energy crackles around the headpiece. DOCTOR: He can hear him. He can hear Alfie! Oh, please, just give me this! Craig, you wanted a chance to prove you're a dad. You're never going to get better one than this! A crack appears down the center of the headpiece. CYBERMAN 2: What is happening? DOCTOR: What's happening, you metal moron? A baby is crying. And you better watch out, cos guess what? Ha! Daddy's coming home! The headpiece opens. CRAIG: Alfie! CRAIG begins the fight the machine and it starts to overload. CRAIG: Alfie, I'm here! I'm coming for you! The CYBERMEN stagger from the emotional onslaught. DOCTOR: Yes, Craig! The machine starts to release CRAIG. The DOCTOR pulls free of the CYBERMAN holding him. CRAIG: Alfie! DOCTOR: Alfie needs you! CYBERMAN 2: Emergency. Emotional influx! DOCTOR: (helps CRAIG) You've triggered a feedback loop into their emotional inhibitors. All that stuff they cut out of themselves, now they're feeling it! Which means a very big explosion! CYBERMAN 2: Overload, overload, overload. The DOCTOR and CRAIG run to the doors. CRAIG: Get this open, we need to get to Alfie! DOCTOR: They've sealed the ship! The head of one of the CYBERMEN explodes. CRAIG: We've got to get out of here! DOCTOR: I know! Two more CYBERMEN lose their heads. DOCTOR: The teleport! As another CYBERMAN'S head explodes, the DOCTOR and CRAIG run to the teleport. The DOCTOR activates it remotely with the sonic as they cling to each other. INT. CAVERN, DAY The Cybership explodes. INT. STORE, LIFT, DAY The DOCTOR and CRAIG are hugging each other tightly. They pull apart when the lift bell rings. CRAIG rushes out. INT. STORE, LADIES DEPARTMENT, DAY CRAIG runs into the department. VAL: How did you get in there? CRAIG: Alfie! VAL: Here's your daddy. As VAL gives ALFIE back to CRAIG, the DOCTOR runs up. DOCTOR: That was another review. Ten out of ten. CRAIG: The Cybermen... they blew up. I blew them up with love! (hugs ALFIE) DOCTOR: No, that's impossible, and also grossly sentimental and over simplistic. You destroyed them because of the deeply ingrained hereditary human trait to protect one's own genes which in turn triggered a... uh... Yeah. Love. You blew them up with love. LATER... The DOCTOR is explaining things to KELLY. DOCTOR: The building should be totally safe, structurally, and of course the bonded disillium contained the explosion. KELLY: Right. Why you telling me all this? DOCTOR: I don't know. Ssh. CRAIG comes to VAL'S counter wearing a new shirt. VAL: It suits you. CRAIG: Thanks. VAL: Discount applies to partners. CRAIG: Great. VAL: Are you two married then? CRAIG: Nah, we talked about it, but it's just a piece of paper, isn't it? The DOCTOR walks over and puts an arm around CRAIG'S shoulders. DOCTOR: Thank you for your help, Val. Good noticing. Keep 'em peeled. VAL: I will. I'm glad you two made up for baby's sake. DOCTOR: Ah! CRAIG: How d'you mean? VAL: It's nice for baby to have two daddies who love each other. CRAIG: Wait... hang on a sec! Two daddies? Both the DOCTOR and CRAIG start making faces and shaking their heads. CRAIG: You think I'm...? VAL: His companion. CRAIG: (laughs and turns around) Doctor? The DOCTOR is gone. VAL: Oh! Now where's he rushed off to? CRAIG: (softly) He's gone. INT. OWENS HOUSE, DAY CRAIG enters the house and slowly looks around. The house has been cleaned and there are fresh cut flowers on the coffee table. CRAIG: Who's tidied all this up? INT. OWENS HOUSE, KITCHEN, DAY CRAIG enters the kitchen to see it cleaned and the table is even set. The DOCTOR enters through the newly-repaired door. DOCTOR: See, I do come back. CRAIG: How did you...? DOCTOR: Time machine! But even with time travel, getting glaziers on a Sunday, tricky. CRAIG: You went back in time? That means you used up your hours. What about Exedor? DOCTOR: What about you being in trouble with Sophie when she comes back? I couldn't let that happen. CRAIG: You used up your time for me? DOCTOR: Course I did. You're me mate. I notice Stormageddon's very quiet and happy. He prefers the name Alfie now. And he's very proud of his dad. CRAIG: He calls me dad? DOCTOR: Yes, of course he does now! Yeah, I know, he's a bit thick, isn't he? CRAIG: Shut up, you two! DOCTOR: Well... Now it's time. I have to go. CRAIG: Doctor, I know that something's wrong, I can help you. DOCTOR: Nobody can help me. I hope Sophie won't mind, I need these. (holds up blue envelopes) CRAIG: Where are you going to go? DOCTOR: America. CRAIG: Sophie will be home any second, are you sure? DOCTOR: I can't miss this appointment, Craig. Goodbye, mate. CRAIG: Wait there. One second. CRAIG leaves the room and the DOCTOR opens the fridge and looks inside, making a face. CRAIG returns with a Stetson. CRAIG: From Sean's stag. (puts it on the DOCTOR'S head) DOCTOR: Wow. CRAIG: You ride 'em, pardner. DOCTOR: Oh, thanks. The DOCTOR snaps his fingers on both hands then points them like guns at CRAIG before heading for the back door. CRAIG: Bye. There's a knock at the front door and CRAIG looks to the front and then back again. CRAIG: Doctor, that will be Sophie arriv... The DOCTOR is gone, the back door open. INT. OWENS HOUSE, FRONT HALL, DAY There's another knock on the door and CRAIG opens it. It's SOPHIE. SOPHIE: Hello! Hello! I forgot my keys! (steps inside) CRAIG: Oh, I've missed you so much.(hugs and kisses her) SOPHIE: Missed you too, both of you. (stands back) Are you wearing a papoose? CRAIG: Yeah. (closes door) INT. OWENS HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, DAY SOPHIE enters and is shocked. SOPHIE: Oh, my God, the place is spotless! Has anything happened? You look different. CRAIG: Nothing happened! Nothing weird. SOPHIE: Look at you two, thick as thieves. Who's Daddy's little boy then? ALFIE: Doctor. SOPHIE: What?! Craig? EXT. OWENS HOUSE, DAY The DOCTOR walks down the street towards the TARDIS. There are three children-a boy and two girls-playing in the cross-street. The DOCTOR stops just in front TARDIS door. DOCTOR: Well then, old girl. (he licks his thumb and wipes off a spot) One last trip, eh? He turns to look at the children who stop playing and walk towards him. DOCTOR: Hey. I'm the Doctor. I was here to help. And you are very, very welcome. (puts his hand to his hat) GIRL 1: (V.O.) 'It was funny. He seemed so happy but so sad at the same time.' BOY: (V.O.) 'I was just a kid, I thought maybe he was a cowboy on his way to a gunfight.' GIRL 2: (V.O.) 'I really liked his hat.' INT. LUNA UNIVERSITY RIVER is reading eyewitness accounts from the three children. She then opens her diary to an entry that reads: 22/04/11, 5:02 PM, Lake Silencio" KOVARIAN: (V.O.) Tick, tock, goes the clock. And what now shall we play? RIVER looks about the room but sees no one. KOVARIAN: (V.O.) Tick, tock, goes the clock. Now summer's gone away. RIVER: Hello? KOVARIAN: (appears from the shadows) Such a lovely old song. But is it about him? RIVER: You know about the Doctor? KOVARIAN: So very well. RIVER stands. KOVARIAN: Oh, don't try and remember me. We have been far too thorough with your dear little head. Two of the SILENCE walk up behind RIVER. She sees them and is startled. RIVER: What are they? What are those things? KOVARIAN: (reads RIVER'S diary) Your owners. RIVER turns back. RIVER: My what? KOVARIAN: So they made you a doctor today, did they? Doctor River Song. How clever you are. You understand what this is, don't you? (points at the entry) RIVER: According to some accounts it's the day the Doctor dies. KOVARIAN: By Silencio Lake on the Plain of Sighs an impossible astronaut will rise from the deep and strike the Time Lord dead. RIVER: (sits) It's a story. KOVARIAN: And this is where it begins. KOVARIAN looks to the door and two soldiers enter carrying the astronaut suit. KOVARIAN: You never really escaped us, Melody Pond. We were always coming for you. The soldiers set down the helmet and suit and grab RIVER by the arms. RIVER: How do you know who I am? (struggles) KOVARIAN: I made you what you are. The woman who kills the Doctor. RIVER: No, no, no...! (sedated) Urgh! RIVER falls into the chair and pants heavily. KOVARIAN: Tick, tock, goes the clock and all the years they fly. RIVER'S vision gets blurry and the voices are muffled. KOVARIAN: Tick, tock, and all too soon your love will surely die. INT. LAKE SILENCIO RIVER slowly opens her eyes and she is in the astronaut suit underwater. We then hear the rhyme sung by a small girl. "Tick tock goes the clock He cradled her and he rocked her Tick tock goes the clock Till River kills the Doctor..."

Nearly 200 years have passed for the Doctor, and as he nears his death at Lake Silencio he decides to visit his friend Craig Owens. Craig has moved in with his girlfriend Sophie and the two are raising their baby son, Alfie. The Doctor arrives just as Sophie has departed for a holiday and is compelled to stay and investigate strange electrical disturbances in the area. He traces this back to a department store, which the Doctor and Craig discover contains a teleporter to a Cyberman spacecraft as well as a Cybermat . The Doctor finds the ship underneath the building and is captured by the Cybermen; Craig follows and is nearly converted to a Cyberman, but he hears Alfie crying and recovers the strength to reverse the conversion. Elsewhere, Kovarian and the Silence strap River into the astronaut suit.

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IMAGE OF THE FENDAHL BY: CHRIS BOUCHER Part Three Running time: 24:22 [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Doctor? What's the matter? Where is he? Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Doctor? DOCTOR: No, no. BOTH: Are you all right? LEELA: You are very heavy. DOCTOR: How did you find me? LEELA: Well, I just felt something was wrong so I followed the feeling. DOCTOR: Yes. LEELA: I did! DOCTOR: Yes, of course you did. LEELA: Hey. DOCTOR: What? LEELA: Have I saved your life? DOCTOR: Yes. I was careless. Come on, get up. Come on. DOCTOR: You're becoming a metracion generator, aren't you. LEELA: Is it alive? DOCTOR: Yes. It's using appropriate genetic material to recreate itself. LEELA: What is it? DOCTOR: Shush. I think it's the Fendahl. It grows and exists by death. LEELA: Most creatures do. That is what you told me. DOCTOR: The Fendahl absorbs the full spectrum of energy, what some people call a life force or soul. It eats life itself. LEELA: That must be what the old woman saw. DOCTOR: What? LEELA: Huge and dark, she said. Hungry for her soul. DOCTOR: And she's still alive? LEELA: Yes. DOCTOR: Take me to her. LEELA: What about that? DOCTOR: It's indestructible. LEELA: Well, what about the sonic time scan? DOCTOR: No, no, first thing's first. Fendelman can operate that before the implosion for about a hundred hours, give or take a few minutes. LEELA: But he might already have used his hundred hours. DOCTOR: That's a risk I'll have to take. Come on, let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] COLBY: What's that for? FENDELMAN: That is a running log. Some of the scanner components have a limited life. COLBY: Ninety eight hours fifty six minutes forty three point seven seconds. You've been busy with this equipment. FENDELMAN: It has been a joy. COLBY: A labour of love, even. If man really is descended from aliens like this, why haven't we found evidence of it before? FENDELMAN: Because we were not looking. COLBY: Oh, come on. FENDELMAN: No, we were not looking for this kind of evidence, and without the scanner we would not have found this. Adam, in all research there must be a single discovery. What is it the Chinese say? That a journey of a thousand miles begins with but a single step. COLBY: This isn't a step, it's a jump. And to rather an illogical conclusion. FENDELMAN: You shall see. I have already reprogrammed the computer. This time it will give a visual interpretation of what the scanner picks up. On this screen, Colby, you shall see the true genesis of homo sapiens. [SCENE_BREAK] STAEL: Thea. THEA: Max. STAEL: I'm glad you are awake, Thea. I want you to understand why I brought you here. You are the medium through which the ancient power of this place is focused. THEA: What are you doing? STAEL: The scanner awoke the power. You know about the scanner, of course. I've been watching you for some time, you see. Through you, I shall conjure and control the supreme power of the ancients. THEA: Oh, Max, don't be so ridiculous. STAEL: You will sleep now, while we prepare. THEA: Max! Max, you're a fool. STAEL: I shall be a god. [SCENE_BREAK] TYLER: Is this him? Is this your man? Oi, do you know what's going on? My Gran in hell of a state. DOCTOR: Come on, Mrs Tyler, wake up. LEELA: Come on, old woman, wake up. Wake up now. TYLER: Oi, what do you think you're doing? Leave her alone. DOCTOR: Do you know what's wrong with her? TYLER: Well, no, but DOCTOR: I do. Make some tea. TYLER: Tea? DOCTOR: Tea. She does drink tea? TYLER: Well, yeah. DOCTOR: Off you go and make some. Use the best china. Four cups laid out on a tray. Off you go. Oh, and some fruitcake. TYLER: Anything else? DOCTOR: No. DOCTOR: I love fruitcake. Come on, Mrs Tyler. This is no way to behave when you've got visitors. We've come for tea. LEELA: And fruitcake. DOCTOR: And fruitcake. [SCENE_BREAK] FENDELMAN: There, Colby, do you see it? STAEL: Turn it off! FENDELMAN: Where have you been, Stael. I needed you here. STAEL: Turn off the scanner! COLBY: Doctor Fendelman, I think you have an industrial relations problem. FENDELMAN: What are you talking? FENDELMAN: Have you lost your mind? STAEL: The scanner. FENDELMAN: No. COLBY: Relax, Max. I'll do it. FENDELMAN: Why, Stael? STAEL: I am not yet ready. My followers are not yet here. COLBY: Followers? Well, that's impressive. STAEL: Shut up, Colby, or I will kill you now. Outside, both of you. FENDELMAN: Is this some sort of joke, Max? COLBY: Oh no, Max isn't famous for his sense of humour, are you, Maxie? STAEL: I shall not warn you again, Colby. COLBY: You're going to kill us anyway, aren't you? STAEL: That depends on whether I enjoy having you worship me. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR (OOV.): Then you mix the peanuts with the treacle [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Throw in the apple cores very hard, put the lot in a shallow tin and bake in a high oven for two weeks. (quietly) It's too late. She's slipping away. Come on. MARTHA: Here, just a minute. DOCTOR: What is it? MARTHA: That ain't the way to make a fruitcake. DOCTOR: Mrs Tyler! (laughs) MARTHA: Here, well, if you'm going to stay, you may as well sit yourselves down. I'll have the tea ready in a jiffy. TYLER: It's here, Gran. MARTHA: But that ain't the best china, John. And there's fresh cake in the other tin. Why, I'm sorry. When did I ask you to tea? I ain't never seen you afore in my life. DOCTOR: You were slipping away, Mrs Tyler. MARTHA: Slipping away? DOCTOR: Yes, psychic shock. I needed something normal to bring you back to reality. How long have you lived here, Mrs Tyler? MARTHA: Why should I tell 'ee ought? DOCTOR: Tell her I'm trying to help. TYLER: He's only trying to help, Gran. MARTHA: You mind your place, John. TYLER: Oh, now, no, we won't have none of those games. Now, Ted Moss and his cronies is up to something. It's something bad, and you're involved. Now, you tell him what he want to know. MARTHA: I ain't involved in anything. I were consulted. A lot of people consult me. You know I've got the second sight. DOCTOR: Yes. So you've lived in this cottage all your life, haven't you, Mrs Tyler. MARTHA: Why should I tell 'ee ought? DOCTOR: Well, telepathy and precognition are normal in anyone whose childhood was spent near a time fissure, like the one in the wood. TYLER: He's as bad as she is. Here, what's a time fissure? DOCTOR: It's a weakness in the fabric of space and time. Every haunted place has one, doesn't it? That's why they're haunted. It's a time distortion. This one must be very large. Large enough to have affected the place names round here. Like Fetchborough. Fetch. An apparition, hmm? MARTHA: How do 'ee know so much? DOCTOR: I read a lot. What did you see in the wood, Mrs Tyler? MARTHA: I didn't see ought with my eyes. DOCTOR: Then with your mind. Did it have a human shape? MARTHA: No. DOCTOR: Mrs Tyler, I must know. Did it have a human shape? MARTHA: No, it didn't. DOCTOR: Mrs. Jack, do something for me. TYLER: If I can. DOCTOR: It could be dangerous. TYLER: How? DOCTOR: I want you to keep an eye on the Priory. I must know who comes and goes. We'll be back tomorrow sundown. TYLER: Right. MARTHA: Here, girl. LEELA: Yes? MARTHA: Take this. 'Tis a charm will protect 'ee. MARTHA: I cast it for Ted Moss, but 'tis too late for him. LEELA: Thank you. MARTHA: John. TYLER: Yes, Gran? MARTHA: I seed that figure he spoke of in a dream. 'Twere a woman. [SCENE_BREAK] FENDELMAN: How long have you been planning this, whatever it is you're planning? STAEL: Ever since Mrs Tyler's visions began to come true. FENDELMAN: Visions? Oh, come now, Max. You have a first class brain. Use it! COLBY: First class brain? He's an occult freak. One of those feeble inadequates who thinks he communes with the devil. Oh, is that it, Max? Gonna summon up the devil, huh? STAEL: Unlike you, I am not a crude lout, Colby. The grimoires do not impress me. Mrs Tyler's paranormal gifts and the race memory she draws on, these were the signposts on the road to power. COLBY: Spare us the after dinner speech. STAEL: I look forward to your terror, Colby. FENDELMAN: I trusted him. COLBY: I didn't, and I'm going to end up just as dead as you, if that's any consolation. FENDELMAN: But why is he doing this? COLBY: Fendelman, it doesn't matter why. What matters is he's doing it, to us, unless we can get free before his so-called followers arrive. Hey, what about the security guards? FENDELMAN: In my absence, they are to take their instructions from him. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: The fifth planet's a hundred and seven million miles out and twelve million years back, so we've no time to lose. LEELA: Do you think this thing, the Fendahl, comes from the fifth planet? DOCTOR: Well, it came from it a long time ago, before your species evolved on Earth. LEELA: How did it travel? DOCTOR: What? LEELA: Well, you said there's only one. It could not build a spacecraft. How did it get to Earth? DOCTOR: Well, it. Well, it probably used that enormous stockpile of energy to project itself across space. LEELA: Oh, you mean the way lightning travels. DOCTOR: No. Yes, well, something like that. Humans speak of astral projection, travelling psychically to different planets. That could be a race memory. LEELA: Race memory? DOCTOR: Yes. You see, sometimes people dream they've been to other places. It's, er, déjà vu. No? Leela is sleeping on the console room floor. She wakes and has her knife ready when the Doctor enters.) DOCTOR: No, no, no. Put it away, put it away. It's a good thing your tribe never developed guns. They'd have woken with a start one morning and wiped themselves out. LEELA: There was something chasing me. I, I couldn't move. Just a dream, I suppose. LEELA: Hey, what's wrong? DOCTOR: I've been checking the old data banks. There's no record at all of a fifth planet. LEELA: Does that matter? DOCTOR: Well of course it matters! We Time Lords are a very meticulous people. You have to be when you live as long as we do. All information is recorded. LEELA: Perhaps there wasn't any. DOCTOR: What? LEELA: Information. DOCTOR: What? DOCTOR: Of course. That's why there's no record of the planet. LEELA: Why? DOCTOR: That impression's produced by a time loop. LEELA: Time loop? DOCTOR: Yes, a time loop. All memory of a planet's been erased by a circle of time, making data and its records invisible. Only a Time Lord could do that. LEELA: That's very clever. DOCTOR: That's criminal! We've been on a wild goose chase. We'd better get back. Let's hope we're not too far round that time loop. LEELA: Is there anything I can do? DOCTOR: Yes. No, no. I'll just set the coordinates and we're on our way. [SCENE_BREAK] MARTHA: The Tower, struck by lightning. TYLER: Still no sign of him. Sundown, he said. MARTHA: I didn't reckon he'd be reliable. Never trust a man as wears a hat. TYLER: Well, Granddad always wore one. MARTHA: And a wicked old devil he were, too. TYLER: I wear one. MARTHA: Ah, but I give it to 'ee. That's different. Here, put this in your pocket. TYLER: More charms! Look, I'm not one of your punters, Gran. MARTHA: But 'tis Lammas Eve. TYLER: Look, you know that I don't believe in all that. MARTHA: Most round here do. And when most believe, that do make it true. TYLER: Most people used to believe that the Earth was flat, but it was still round. MARTHA: Ah ha, but they behaved as if 'twere flat. Here, just for me. TYLER: All right, then, if it makes you happy. MARTHA: Oh, I want they two cartridges. TYLER: What, you going rabbiting, Gran? MARTHA: I'm going to fill 'em with salt. TYLER: Salt? MARTHA: Salt's the best protection there be. TYLER: Evil spirits again, eh, Gran? MARTHA: You can laugh, John, but I know the old ways. Better than them up at the Priory, any road. You'd best get up there. We don't want 'em meddling in things they don't understand. [SCENE_BREAK] CORBY: What is that? FENDELMAN: A remote control unit connected to the scanner. CORBY: He's linking up that old bone with your scanner? Why? FENDELMAN: The power source! Colby, I think I know. [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: We're going to be late. DOCTOR: Well of course we're going to be late! It's obvious we're going to be late! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. The question is, where is it getting the power from? Inducted biological transmutation takes a lot of power. There isn't that sort of power available in the Priory. LEELA: What is it? Have you hurt yourself? DOCTOR: I've got it. It is available in the Priory. The skull's absorbing the energy released when the scanner beam damages the time fissure. Why didn't I think of that before? LEELA: Even you can't think of everything. DOCTOR: I can't? LEELA: No. DOCTOR: No. Well, I should have thought it. I was frightened in childhood by a mythological horror. LEELA: Oh. DOCTOR: Too frightened to think clearly. LEELA: Tsk, tsk, tsk. [SCENE_BREAK] STAEL: The waiting is over. Prepare yourselves. FENDELMAN: Don't do it, Stael! CORBY: Shut up, you fool. Let him electrocute himself. FENDELMAN: He will kill us all. Listen to me, all of you! He is a madman! FENDELMAN: You must stop him! Stop him now, before he plunges everything into chaos and death! COLBY: I'll plunge you into chaos and death if you don't shut up. FENDELMAN: You don't understand. I see now what will happen. STAEL: You do? FENDELMAN: Max, listen. The Doctor asked if my name was real. Fendelman. Man of the Fendahl. Don't you see? Only for this have the generations of my fathers lived. I have been used! You are being used! Mankind has been used! [SCENE_BREAK] TYLER: Ain't in here, either. MARTHA: Oh, the house is empty, then. Oh, I don't hold with all this. 'Tis agin nature. TYLER: That sounded like a shot. Here, are there any cellars? MARTHA: Oh, there are cellars all under here, but they haven't been used for years. TYLER: Yeah, well they're being used now. MARTHA: Come on, boy. Ow! TYLER: You all right, Gran? MARTHA: Well, what do you think? [SCENE_BREAK] COLBY: You murdering lunatic. STAEL: The way to power is open! [SCENE_BREAK] MARTHA: Oh, dammit, boy, that hurt. MARTHA: Listen, John. There's summat comin'. Can you hear it? Summat comin'. DOCTOR: Are you all right? TYLER: Damn, I'm glad to see you. You're not a moment too soon. MARTHA: No, a moment too late. Listen. DOCTOR: Come on, let's get out of here. LEELA: Doctor! DOCTOR: What? LEELA: That dream! I can't move! TYLER: My legs. I can't move my legs! MARTHA: Look! Look!

The Doctor endeavors to prevent the re-existence of a Fendahl, a group entity that feeds on life itself and thought only to exist in Time Lord mythology, but a witches' coven, seeking power, intervenes.

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[Salvatore's House] (Elena is lying in the cell and starting to desiccate. Damon and Stefan are upstairs) Damon: That's the calmest desiccating vampire I've ever seen. I remember when you starved me down there for 3 days. I would've wept at your feet for an orange peel Stefan: Look, she's not gonna beg for blood. Begging means desperation. Emotion. She's still in no-humanity zone Damon: How hungry does she have to be before we can torture some feelings back into her? Stefan: A lot hungrier than she is now, apparently Damon: So, what are we supposed to do in the meantime? (Katherine enters) Katherine: Maybe I can provide a little excitement Stefan: Katherine Katherine: The one and only. Sort of. So, when's the welcome home party? Damon: Wow. Look who went and got bold. Last time I checked, Klaus was plotting your eternal demise Katherine: Well, it doesn't matter anymore, because Klaus is gone Stefan: Wait. What do you mean he's gone? Katherine: Let's just say that werewolf girl Hayley turned out to be just the thing we needed to get Klaus out of our lives for good [New Orleans] (Haley is at a bar. She looks at the bartender) Bartender: Third time in here this week Haley: I'm obsessed with The Gumbo, Jane-Anne Jane-Anne: The old ladies in the ninth ward say my sister Sophie bleeds a piece of her soul into every dish Haley: I asked around the quarter about my family Jane-Anne: And? Haley: Nothing. Zero. Can't find a single person who remembers them Jane-Anne: Because, Hayley, people like you were run out of here years ago Haley: What do you mean, people like me? Jane-Anne: In the Bayou, they call the werewolves Roux-Ga-Roux. You head out there; you'll find what you're looking for. Be careful. It's the last place you'd ever want to go (Jane-Anne and Sophie are in a cemetery) Sophie: Don't do it. Please. What if I'm wrong about her? Jane-Anne: That's the beauty of you. You're never wrong. She's the only way we're gonna get to Klaus Sophie: Can we get someone else to do the spell? Jane-Anne: Who? Half the witches don't believe you. The other half are too scared Sophie: Because they know we're gonna get caught, Jane-Anne Jane-Anne: We don't have any other option. Now go. You know what you need to do (Haley arrives at the bayou and has a problem with her car) Haley: What the... uhh! Are you kidding me? (She gets out of the car and takes her phone) Haley: Hey, I'm looking for a tow service (A tour guide is leading a bunch of tourists) Tour Guide: Welcome to the dark side of New Orleans, a supernatural playground where the living are easily lost and the dead stick around and play (Klaus smiles) Mystic Falls [Rebekah's House] Rebekah: New Orleans? What the hell is Klaus doing there? Elijah: Evidently, there are witches conspiring against him. So, knowing our brother, this was a mission to silence and slaughter Rebekah: Well, the French quarter witches are not a lot to be trifled with. You don't suppose they've found a way to kill him once and for all, do you? Elijah: Rebekah, in the name of our family, you might try to dial down your glee Rebekah: What family? We are 3 distrustful acquaintances who happen to share a bloodline. I for one hope they've found a way to make that traitorous b*st*rd rot [New Orleans] (Klaus sees a woman and goes to her) Klaus: Good afternoon. Time for one more? Woman: I have nothing to say to you Klaus: Oh, now, that's not very amiable, is it? You don't even know me Woman: I know what you are. Half-vampire, half-beast. You're the hybrid Klaus: I'm the original hybrid, actually, but that's a long story for another time Mystic Falls [Rebekah's House] Rebekah: Where are you going? Elijah: To find out who's making a move against our brother, and then... I'll either stop them, or I'll help them. Depending on my mood (He leaves) [New Orleans] Klaus: I'm looking for someone. A witch. Perhaps you might be able to help me find her. Jane-Anne Deveraux Woman: Sorry. I don't know Klaus: Well, now, that's a fib, isn't it? Now, you see... I know that you're a true witch amongst this sea of poseurs. So, enough with the fabrications. I've quite a temper Woman: Witches don't talk Outta School in the quarter. The vampire won't allow it. Those are the rules. I don't break Marcel's rules Klaus: Marcel's rules? Where do you suppose I might find Marcel? (Marcel is singing in a bar. When he stops, he goes to the bar and sees Klaus) Marcel: Klaus Klaus: Marcel Marcel: Must be 100 years since that nasty business with your papa Klaus: Has it been that long? Marcel: Way I recall it, he ran you out of town. Left a trail of dead vampires in his wake Klaus: And yet how fortunate you managed to survive. My father, I'm afraid, I recently incinerated to dust Marcel: Well, if I'd known you were coming back in town, if I had a heads-up... Klaus: What, Marcel? What would you have done? Marcel: I'd have thrown you a damn parade. Niklaus Mikaelson. My mentor, my savior, my sire. Let's get you a drink. It is good to see you Klaus: It's good to be home. Although please tell me the current state of bourbon street is not your doing Marcel: Ha ha ha ha! Something's gotta draw in the out-of-towners; otherwise, we'd all go hungry Klaus: I see your friends are daywalkers Marcel: Yeah, yeah, I shared the secret of your daylight ring with a few buddies. Just the inner circle, though. The family Klaus: Tell me. How did you find a witch willing to make daylight rings? Marcel: I got the witches here wrapped around my finger Klaus: Is that so? I'm looking for a witch by the name of Jane-Anne Deveraux. Has some business with me Marcel: Looking for Jane-Anne? Then you probably ought to come with me. Ha ha! Showtime! (Marcel and Klaus are outside. A crowd gathers) Marcel: How's the family? Klaus: Those who live hate me more than ever Marcel: Forget them. If your blood relations let you down, you make your own, huh? You taught me that. And what's mine is yours, as always. Even my nightwalkers, the riff-raff Klaus: They're hardly subtle, are they? Marcel: It's the quarter. Ain't no such thing as subtle, baby (Marcel's mignons bring Jane-Anne) Marcel: Jane-Anne Deveraux. Give it up for Jane-Anne. Come on. Jane-Anne Deveraux, you have been accused of the practice of witchcraft beyond the bounds of the rules set forth and enforced by me. How do you plead? Oh. Was that convincing? I studied law back in the fifties. It's all I know. Seriously, J, tick tock. You know the drill. How do you plead? Jane-Anne: I didn't do anything Marcel: That's a lie. You know it, I know it, and you hate that I know it. It drives you witches crazy that I'm aware of your every move. That you can't do magic in this town without getting caught. So, why don't we just cut to the chase, huh? You tell me what magic you're brewing. Tell me. I'll grant you leniency. Hey, I am, after all, a merciful man Jane-Anne: Rot in hell, monster Marcel: I'll tell you what. I'll give you one more chance. Or not (He kills her. Klaus rejoins him) Klaus: What was that? Marcel: Hey. Come walk with me. Witches aren't allowed to do magic here. She broke the rules Klaus: I told you I wanted to talk to her Marcel: Hey, I'm sorry. I got caught up in the show. Those witches, they think that they still have power in this town. I have to show them that they don't. I never waste an opportunity for a show of force. Another lesson that I learned from you. And besides, anything that you could've gotten out of her, I can find out for you, and I will. I promise Klaus: Well, whatever it was, doesn't matter anymore, does it? Marcel: Good. Then let's eat, because all that spilled blood makes me hungry (He leaves. Klaus talks to one of Marcel's minions) Klaus: Hey. Thierry, isn't it? Any more Deveraux witches where she came from? (Sophie is cooking. She turns herself. Klaus is here) Sophie: You're Klaus Klaus: I am. And you're upset. Sophie, isn't it? I assume this is because of what I just witnessed with your sister on the corner of Royal and St. Ann Sophie: Did you enjoy the show? Klaus: It was a little melodramatic for my tastes. What did your sister want with me? Why did Marcel kill her? Sophie: I see you brought friends Klaus: They're not with me Sophie: They're with Marcel. That's all that matters. I know you built this town, but this is his town now. He killed my sister because she broke the rules. So, I talk to you in front of them, I'm next (He rejoins the 2 men at the bar) Klaus: Are you two gentlemen following me? Man: Marcel said we're your guides Klaus: Oh, he did, did he? Well, then, let me be exceedingly clear about something. If either of you following me again, you'll do so without the benefit of a spine (The waitress rejoins them) Camille: Sorry for the wait. If you're here for the gumbo, I'm about to break your heart. We just ran out Klaus: Your oldest scotch for my two friends here, love. Marcel wants to know what I'm up to, he can ask me himself (Sophie is outside, alone. She hears a door close and the men who were inside are here) Sophie: The doors work, you know Man: You doing magic? Sophie: I'm praying to my dead sister. Go ahead. Pay your respects Man:. Don't make this a thing, Sophie. The hybrid was looking for Jane-Anne. Marcel wants to know why Sophie: Oh, that sounds like witch business. I'd say ask her yourself, but I guess you can't seeing as how Marcel killed her (They're about to kill her but Elijah intervenes and kills them) Elijah: I'm Elijah. You've heard of me? Sophie: Yes Elijah: So, why don't you tell me what business your family has with my brother? (Klaus arrives at a party, looking for Marcel. He catches one of his men) Klaus: Where's Marcel? Man: Who the hell's asking? Klaus: I assume you're joking Man: I only answer to Marcel Klaus: Well, then, in that case, perhaps you'll answer to this. You're aware the bite of a werewolf can kill a vampire? Well, as you can see, I'm half-werewolf, so I'm gonna ask you one more time! Where is Marcel? (Marcel arrives) Marcel: H-hey. I'm right here. I'm right here. Easy, now. Diego's just looking out for me. Nobody harms my guys. Those are the rules Klaus: I don't care about your rules, Marcel. I don't need chaperones. Why are you having me followed? Marcel: Come here. I get it, huh? Show of force. You made your point. Let it go, friend. For me Klaus: Fine. Why don't you show me what you've done with the place while you explain exactly what it is you've been up to in my town? Marcel: Follow me (Marcel and Klaus are on a balcony) Marcel: Look at that skyline. That there, that's progress. More hotels, more tourists, more fresh blood. And the humans? I taught them to look the other way Klaus: And what of the witches? In my time, they were a force to be reckoned with, and now they live in fear. How do you know when they're using magic? Marcel: Maybe I got a secret weapon, an ace up my sleeve, something that gives me complete control over all the magic in this town Klaus: Hmm. Is that a fact? Marcel: Might be. Or maybe I'm just bluffing (He eats something) Klaus: You take vervain? Marcel: 'Burns like a bitch. But I figure I should limit the number of things I'm vulnerable to. Don't be mad about that chaperone thing. I told my guys to look out for you, that's all. That's what we do here... Look out for each other (They see Camille walking alone) Marcel: Mmmmm. New blood Klaus: The bartender, walking alone at night. She's either brave or dumb Marcel: Let's see. Brave, I let her live, Let's see. Brave, I let her live, dumb, she's dessert (He jumps above the balcony and lands behind Camille) Marcel: You know, it's not safe here alone Camille: You know, I have a black belt in karate (Klaus looks at them. Elijah's here) Klaus: Evening, Elijah Elijah: Niklaus Klaus: What an entirely unwelcome surprise Elijah: And what an entirely unsurprising welcome. Come with me Klaus: I'm not going anywhere. Not until I find out who's conspiring against me Elijah: I believe I just found that out for you (Klaus and Elijah are in a cemetery) Klaus: What are we doing here? Elijah: Want to know what the witches have in store for you? Follow me (They enter a crypt. Sophie is waiting for them) Klaus: Sophie Deveraux. What is this? Elijah: He's all yours. Proceed Sophie: You know you're famous in this town? Witches tell bedtime stories about the powerful vampire Klaus. We know Marcel was nothing but an orphaned street rat until you made him what he is. And now he's out of control. He does what he wants. He kills who he wants. I'm gonna stop him... And you're gonna help me (Klaus looks at Elijah) Klaus: This is why you brought me here Elijah: Hear her out Klaus: I don't need to hear her out. I assure you, love, there is not a thing on this earth that will matter enough for me to waste even 30 more seconds of my time Klaus: Elijah, what madness is this? (Haley enters) Haley: Klaus... You need to listen to them Klaus: You're all out of your minds if you think some liquor-fueled one-night stand... No offense, sweetheart... Means a thing to me Sophie: Marcel may be able to keep us from practicing real magic in this town, but as keepers of the balance, we still know when nature has cooked up something new. For example, I have a special gift, of sensing when a girl is pregnant Klaus: What? Haley: I know. It's impossible Klaus: What are you saying? Elijah: Niklaus... The girl is carrying your child Klaus: No. It's impossible. Vampires cannot procreate Sophie: But werewolves can. Magic made you a vampire, but you were born a werewolf. You're the original hybrid, the first of your kind, and this pregnancy is one of nature's loopholes Klaus: You've been with someone else. Admit it! Haley: Hey. I spent days held captive in a freakin' alligator bayou because they think that I'm carrying some magical miracle baby. Don't you think I would've fessed up if it wasn't yours? Sophie: My sister gave her life to perform the spell she needed to confirm this pregnancy. Because of Jane-Anne's sacrifice, the lives of this girl and her baby are now controlled by us. If you don't help us take down Marcel, so help me, Hayley won't live long enough to see her first maternity dress Haley: Wait, what? Elijah: Enough of this, if you want Marcel dead, he's dead. I'll do it myself Sophie: No. We can't. Not yet. We have a clear plan that we need to follow and there are rules Klaus: How dare you command me? Threaten me with what you wrongfully perceive to be my weaknesses? I won't hear any more lies Elijah: Niklaus. Listen (They hear the baby's heartbeat) Klaus: Kill her and the baby. What do I care? (He leaves) (Elijah rejoins Klaus) Elijah: Niklaus Klaus: it's a trick, Elijah Elijah: No, brother. It's a gift. It's your chance. It's our chance Klaus: To what? Elijah: To start over. Take back everything we lost. Everything that was taken from us. Niklaus, our own parents came to despise us. Our family was ruined, we were ruined, and since then, all that you have ever wanted, all that we have ever wanted, was a family Klaus: I will not be manipulated Elijah: So, they're manipulating you. So what? With them, this girl and her child, your child... live Klaus: I'm gonna kill every last one of them Elijah: And then what? Then you return to Mystic Fall to resume your life as the hated one, as the evil hybrid? Is it so important to you that people quake with fear at the sound of your name? Klaus: People quake with fear because I have the power to make them afraid. What will this child offer me? Will it guarantee me power? Elijah: Family is power, Niklaus. Love, loyalty. It's power. This is what we swore to one another a thousand years ago, before life tore away what little humanity you had left, before ego, before anger, before paranoia created this person before me... Someone I can barely even recognize as my own brother. This is us. The Original family. We remain together, always and forever. I am asking you to stay here. I will help you and I will stand by you. I will be your brother. We will build a home here together. So, save this girl Save your child Klaus: No Mystic Falls [SCENE_BREAK] [Rebekah's House] (Rebekah is on the phone with Elijah) Elijah: He's doing what he does. Given a chance at happiness, Klaus runs in the opposite direction Rebekah: Then let him run. That child, if it's even his, is better off without him Elijah: He's not better off without that child, Rebekah, and neither are we Rebekah: Darling, kind Elijah. Our brother rarely brings us anything but pain. At what point in your immortal life will you stop searching for his redemption? Elijah: I'll stop searching for his redemption when I believe there is none left to be found (She hangs up. Katherine is here) Rebekah: I'd give you a play-by-play, but you have the air of someone who's been lurking and listening Katherine: He'll come around. You know Elijah. He won't stop until he's convinced Klaus to do the right thing Rebekah: I know you consider yourself an expert in brotherly dynamics, but you don't know my brothers half as well as you think you do Katherine: You're wrong. Klaus won't be able to walk away from this. He and I are the same. We manipulate, we thirst for power, we control, we punish, but our actions are driven by one singular place deep inside Rebekah: And what's that? Katherine: We're alone. And we hate it. Tell Elijah to call me when he comes home. I'll be waiting for him (She leaves) [New Orleans] (Klaus goes back to the party and rejoins Marcel) Marcel: Hey, man. Where'd you run off to? Klaus: You mean your minions aren't still documenting my every move? Marcel: Someone put you in a mood. What can I do? Klaus: What you can do is you can tell me what this thing is you have with the witches Marcel: We're back to that? Klaus: Yeah, we're back to that Marcel: You know I owe you everything I got, but I'm afraid I have to draw the line on this one. This is my business. I control the witches in my town. Let's just leave it at that Klaus: Your town? Marcel: Damn straight Klaus: That's funny. Because when I left 100 years ago, you were just a pathetic little scrapper still trembling from the lashes of the whips of those who would keep you down, and now look at you. Master of your domain. Prince of the city. I'd like to know how Marcel: Why? Jealous? Hey man, I get it. 300 years ago, you helped build a backwater penal colony into something. You started it, but then you left. Actually, you ran from it. I saw it through. Look around. Vampires rule this city now. We don't have to live in the shadows like rats. The locals know their place. They look the other way. I got rid of the werewolves. I even found a way to shut down the witches. The blood never stops flowing and the party never ends. You want to pass on through? You want to stay a while? Great. What's mine is yours, but it is mine. My home, my family, my rules Klaus: And if someone breaks those rules? Marcel: They die. Mercy is for the weak. You taught me that, too. And I'm not the Prince of the quarter, friend. I'm the King! Show me some respect (Klaus loses his temper and bites one of his minions) Klaus: Your friend will be dead by the weekend. Which means I've broken one of your rules. And yet I cannot be killed. I am immortal. Who has the power now, friend? (He leaves) (Camille looks at a painting. Klaus rejoins her) Camille: The hundred dollar guy Klaus: The brave bartender. Camille. That's a French name Camille: It's a grandma's name. Call me Cami. Amazing, isn't he? Klaus: Do you paint? Camille: No, but I admire. Every artist has a story, you know Klaus: And what do you suppose his story is? Camille: He's... angry. Dark. Doesn't feel safe and doesn't know what to do about it. He wishes he could control his demons instead of having his demons control him. He's lost, alone. Or... maybe he just drank too much tonight. Sorry. Overzealous psych major Klaus: No. I think you were probably right the first time Camille: So... (Klaus has disappeared) (Klaus is sitting alone on a bench. Elijah rejoins him and sits down next to him) Klaus: Are you here to give me another pep talk on the joys of fatherhood? Elijah: I've said all I needed to say Klaus: I forgot how much I liked this town Elijah: I didn't forget. All the centuries we've spent together and yet I can count on one hand the number of times that our family has been truly happy. I hated leaving here Klaus: As did I Elijah: What is on your mind, brother? Klaus: For a thousand years, I lived in fear. Any time I settled anywhere, our father would hunt me down and... chase me off. He made me feel powerless, and I hated it. This town was my home once, and in my absence, Marcel has gotten everything that I ever wanted. Power, loyalty, family. I made him in my image and he has bettered me. I want what he has. I want to be King Elijah: And what of Hayley and the baby? Klaus: Every King needs an heir (Elijah is walking in the cemetery with Sophie) Elijah: So, how do you propose this will work? Sophie: Your brother needs to cement his place in Marcel's world. His inner circle, the daywalkers... That's where we begin. They're his friends. His family. We'll be hitting him where it hurts (Thierry is sick. Everyone is gathered around him, including Marcel. Klaus enters) Klaus: I had time to sleep on it last night. I'm not your enemy. Where my family and I failed this town... Marcel succeeded. My blood will heal him. As though it never happened. The quarter is your home, but I would like to stay a while, if I'm still welcome (There's a parade. Klaus looks at it and calls someone) Klaus: Caroline. I'm standing in one of my favorite places in the world, surrounded by food, music, art, culture, and all I can think about is how much I want to show it to you. Maybe one day you'll let me Mystic Falls [Rebekah's House] (Rebekah is with Elijah) Rebekah: So, that's it? I'm just supposed to pack up my things and leave for good? Forget my life here and my pursuit of the cure? Elijah: The cure was a fool's errand. I mean, taking it would've stripped you of everything you are for what? More High School proms? Rebekah: I wanted to be human. I wanted children and a family Elijah: And I stand before you to offer you both Rebekah: And if I decide against you? A dagger in my heart and then back in a box? Elijah: I've made my case. Your family needs you. And what choice you make right now is your own Rebekah: I owe him nothing. I wish him no joy. No love. I will stay here and live my life the way I want to, and if you're smart, I suggest you do the same (She leaves. He turns himself. Katherine is here) Katherine: She's right. Be smart, Elijah. Klaus is stark raving mad, not to mention completely irredeemable. Leave him to set off on this new adventure and lets you and I go out on ours. I have lost so much of my life to Klaus. So have you. It's our turn. Elijah, please Elijah: Katerina... Good bye (He leaves) [Salvatore's House] (Elena is still in the cell. Stefan and Damon enter) Damon: You look terrible Elena: I'm hungry. Not that you care Damon: But I do. That's the whole point. I do care. You don't care. It's about time for that to change (He gives her a blood bag and she drinks) Elena: Vervain Damon: How does that make you feel? Hurt because I'd betray you? Angry because I'd cause you pain? Or scared? Because you know it's gonna get a lot worse? Elena: You boys want to play games? Go ahead. Let's see who breaks first. Me... or you Ecrit par popo34000

Klaus, at Katherine's suggestion, returns to his former home of New Orleans to find a witch with ties to him. He instead finds a former protegé, Marcel, ruling the city with an iron fist. As Klaus continues his search, he finds that the witches who live there are trying to overthrow Marcel and that they plan to use Hayley, who is carrying Klaus' child, in their plans. After Elijah arrives to help and persuades him to stay, Klaus decides return the city to his command with his brother by his side. Rebekah is offered a spot in Klaus' new domain, but she turns them down. In Mystic Falls, Damon and Stefan begin extreme measures to return Elena's humanity by imprisoning her in the basement of the Salvatore house.

fd_Girl_Meets_World_02x30

fd_Girl_Meets_World_02x30_0

(audience laugh) Lucas (reading): "It has been a long time since New Years on the roof". "Remember that"? "I know we've been avoiding it but now the flowers are blooming and it is Spring: the season of love"! "Hi! My name is Lucas Friar and I am here to talk about us". Maya: Do we have to talk about this? Lucas: We have to make some decisions! Riley: We have chosen to completely forget about this! (yells) He's in my room! Cory (O.C.): You have to make some decisions! Lucas (reading): "This is very hard for me. We have to be very careful about what's going on, because I don't want to--" Riley (interrupts): .. lose either one of you as my friends? Lucas (continues reading): ".. lose either one of you as my friend". Maya: You were with him when he wrote this?! Riley: No. Maya, I think we just all know what's at stake here. Maya: Nothing's at stake here. Just tell me right now: nothing will affect our friendship. Riley: (shrugs) It won't. Lucas (pretending to read): "What... about... what... I... want"? (audience laugh) Riley: One card for each word... Maya: Why did he do that? Riley: Emphasis. Maya: Why did he do that?! Riley: Lucas, what do you want? Lucas: I don't want anything bad to happen to us... but I especially don't want to be responsible for something bad happening between the two of you! Maya: We know that. Riley: Why do you think we like you? Maya: What's it say on your last card? Lucas: Oh, I'll get to it. (audience laugh) Lucas: See? I have different feelings for each of you and I don't entirely understand them. Riley: We don't understand this either. Lucas: That's why the smartest thing to do would be to make the right decision, right now, and just move on. Riley: Great! How do we do that? Maya: You mean, choose one of us over the other? What happens then? Riley: That would be the end of us. Maya: What's it say on your last card? Lucas (reading): "I don't want this to be the end of us"! [SCENE_BREAK] (Theme music playing) ♪ I've been waiting ♪ ♪ For a day ♪ ♪ Like this to come ♪ ♪ Struck like lightning ♪ ♪ My heart's beating like a drum ♪ ♪ On the edge ♪ ♪ Of something wonderful ♪ ♪ Face to face with changes ♪ ♪ What's it all about? ♪ ♪ Life is crazy ♪ ♪ But I know ♪ ♪ I can work it out ♪ ♪ 'Cause I got you ♪ ♪ To live it with me ♪ ♪ I feel all right, I'm gonna take on the world ♪ ♪ Light up the stars, I've got some pages to turn ♪ ♪ I'm singing "Go-o-o" ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ Take on the world, take on the world ♪ ♪ Take on the world ♪ ♪ Take on the world, take on the world ♪ ♪ Take on the world ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. John Quincy Adams Middle School - Classroom - day ] [SCENE_BREAK] Legacy! (audience laugh) Why is Farkle a goose? Riley: That's the Einstein Academy Goose. Oh! Of course. The Einstein Academy Goose. Why is it on Farkle's desk? Maya: Einstein captured Farkle. It was their end of the year prank. Maya: So, since they took our mascot... Riley: We took theirs, and now we are even. (audience laugh) Farkle is not our mascot. Maya: What would you call him? (audience laugh) Where's Zay? They got Zay too? Zay is back in Texas; he's at Vanessa's Spring Formal. all: Ooo-oo-oh. Alright guys, listen up. It's your last week of school. This is my last chance to teach you something. Maya: You have more to teach us? I have so much more I wanna teach you. So much more... I mean, you guys are gonna be leaving this place; what will you be leaving behind? What is your legacy? I want to talk about not just what you've gotten from this place... but what you've given. Maya: He's right! We still haven't thought of our class prank! I was thinking we could let all of the air out of school. Everybody would just be like (makes strangling noises). That would be hilarious. Farkle: I'll tell you what's hilarious: nobody saved me! Why did nobody save me?! Riley: Farkle, we looked for you for a whole five minutes and then we took the goose. (audience laugh) Maya: He's the new you! Donnie Barnes, regular goose. I'd see that movie. (audience laugh) Farkle: Oh, please. Farkle cannot be replaced by a goose. Farkle is unique and one of a kind. (at goose) Hah! (Goose honks back) (audience laugh) Farkle: You don't know me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Matthews Kitchen - night ] [SCENE_BREAK] Riley: You haven't taught me enough! Did I teach you to pass the mashed potatoes? Riley: Yes. Well then, there's a test on that right now. (audience laugh) You passed! (audience laugh) Funny Daddy. (audience laugh) What's bothering you Riley? Riley: Everything gets harder. Everything gets harder and you didn't tell me! Were you going to tell me? You didn't tell her? Only every day. You tell her. Life gets harder. Tell her Auggie. Auggie: I'm doin' fine! (audience laugh) Riley: We're graduating middle school. We're supposed to be in the middle of our education. The only thing I'm in the middle of is a big mess with two of the people I care most about in the world. Why? Riley: Because we're not talking about it? Because Maya and I both like Lucas and so we know none of us is going to get hurt, so we're all scared to move. You know what makes me happy? Riley: How could you be happy about any of this? Because you're talking to us about it. No matter what happens to you, we always want to be a part of what happens to you. Riley: You always will be. Thanks Riley. That's the greatest legacy any parent could have. Well, you guys are both going to be fine, and there is nobody stronger than Maya; nothing can break her. I just don't see it. (Maya enters and falls to her knees.) Awwww, it's a poor baby. It's a poor, poor baby. Come here. Come here. Aww... (hugs Maya) Maya. No matter what happens it is nobody's fault. Maya: Yes it is. Whose fault do you think it is? Maya: Matthew's! (points) Well, of course! Maya: You didn't teach us enough we don't know how to handle this, and now we're leaving, and you're staying behind, and you didn't teach us enough. Riley: Yeah, Dad, you're more than a teacher, you're like a father to me. (audience laugh) Thanks, Riley. He's the best teacher you're ever going to have and if there is one thing I know for sure he's taught you, it's how to express yourselves to each other, in the best possible way. And as long as you do that, there is nothing to worry about. Lucas (reading): "Hi! It's me, Lucas Friar". (audience laugh) Lucas (reading): "Since no-one knows what to do, I made a choice". OK, I'm a little worried. Lucas (reading): "I choose to stop--" Lucas, put the cards away. Say what you need to say. Lucas: You both mean the world to me, and I would never do anything to hurt either one of you... so I choose to stop. You won't decide, so I did, and I decided we're just friends. That's all we are. I don't want this to be the end of us. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. John Quincy Adams Middle School - Classroom - day ] [SCENE_BREAK] You came into this place, a bunch of young kids, who didn't know very much, and now look at ya: young men and women ready for what's next. Snap out of it. Get in here! (audience laugh) What are you doin'? Lucas: We value our friendship too much to look at each other. (audience laugh) Turn your chair around. Get in your seat. (audience laugh) Now, the most important thing you can do in life is give people a reason to remember you. The people who do that are the ones we study in here. So, your last assignment from me, and for yourselves, is to figure out what you'll give back. Maya: What? Lucas: I looked at Riley. Maya: I know, I saw. Lucas: So, I'm looking at you to even it up! Maya: Oh, well, a girl always wants to be looked at to be evened up. (audience laugh) Lucas: We're just friends, and I love your outfit. Riley: (screams) Hey! (slams both hands on the window) Lucas: Your hair smells nice! Maya: You smelled her hair? (audience laugh) Lucas! Lucas: I'm dying here! (audience laugh) What are you grateful for? Who do you want to remember you? (Riley enters and sits down) Do something about it... right now. Now, get outta here! (The class leave and Riley is still in her seat) Riley: I'm not ready to leave this place. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. John Quincy Adams Middle School - Corridor - day ] [SCENE_BREAK] Ms. Kossal: What's going on? Maya: I'm graduating, Ms. Kossal... and I wanted to say goodbye... and thank you for believing in me. Ms. Kossal: I expect great things from you, Maya. You've been given a real gift... so grow! And when you feel something you know the rest of us feel, explain it to us... Paint us a picture. Maya: I'll try. Ms. Kossal: I'm glad I had the chance to be your teacher. (Ms. Kossal hugs Maya) [SCENE_BREAK] Farkle: Just a quick goodbye, Mr. Norton, we both know emotion has no place in science. Mr. Norton: Quite right, my dear boy. So, from one scientist to another, see you on Mars. (audience laugh) Farkle: Mr. Norton, can we just stop being scientists for one second? Mr. Norton: Well, let me remove the protective goggles of my soul! Clear outta here! (audience laugh) Farkle: I'm really gonna miss you, sir. Mr. Norton: The feeling's mutual, my boy. Farkle: Is it possible feelings are stronger than science? Mr. Norton: Hm. Keep discovering, Farkle. [SCENE_BREAK] Janitor Harley: Me? Lucas: Yeah. I wanted to say thank you. Janitor Harley: Why? I left some kind of impression on you? Clear outta here! (audience laugh) Lucas: Mr. Matthews told me I had to make a real difficult choice once. Janitor Harley: I was at a crossroads; I was standing on the corner of Maple Street and Alcatraz. Lucas: How did you make the right decision? Janitor Harley: I always try and make sure this bench here is polished up and looking nice and inviting for you to sit on. You know why I do that? Lucas: Why? (sits) Janitor Harley: Because, you kids come and go, but this bench stays right here and all the problems of the universe get decided on it. I respect a nice place where good decisions get made. Gettin' a little worn down... A little old as time goes by, but aren't we all? Thanks for saying goodbye to me, Lucas. Means a lot to me. Make good decisions. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. John Quincy Adams Middle School - Classroom - day ] [SCENE_BREAK] Riley: I don't wanna go. I'm not ready for high school... and I don't wanna go. Why not? Riley: 'Cause we did great here. This was the time of our lives; we were kings, Matthews. (audience laugh) Riley: What will I be next year? Not kings. Riley: No. The opposite of kings. Freshmen. Worms. Worse than worms freshmen. You'll be fine Riley. You all will. Riley: Also... and I don't say this a lot but... I like you. (audience laugh) You do?! Riley: Yeah. You said you had a lot more to teach us. And I will. You're my daughter. Riley: What about the rest of my friends, Dad? You need to teach all of us more. We're a mess. We shouldn't feel we don't know how to feel and you need to teach us how to not feel. What? Maya: You got one last lesson for the road? Yeah. I do. Maya: Well, I've never said this before but... you have my attention. (audience laugh) Good! This one's important. I've gotten to watch you guys become friends, and I've gotten to watch you grow. You guys grew up so fast... and I've been trying to teach you to keep your feelings inside... Riley: And you were right. Look at us. I was wrong! Your teacher was wrong. I can't keep you in this place. You've outgrown it. You guys are graduating to whatever comes next. You know why? Maya: No. You've earned it. Maya: How do we know when we're ready? Same way we know anything. Let's take one last test and see. (all groan) Farkle: Yay! [SCENE_BREAK] Riley: Are you even allowed to do this? It's the last day of school. I'm still your teacher. I can do whatever I want. Besides, this test isn't for a grade. This is a test to find out what you have actually learned here. Question one: What's the secret to life? Maya. Maya: People change people. And for extra credit? Maya: What us does for them? What does that mean? Maya: How we help those who are less fortunate than us? And are you an "us" or "them"? Maya: I'm an "us". I'm very blessed. We all are. Question two: Sneak attack. Riley? Riley: Pearl Harbor. And for extra credit? Riley: Missy Bradford tried to tear our friendships apart. Lucas was new here and she tried to throw a sneak attack. I think that was the moment we all realized what we really meant to each other. The moment we all came together. Good! Farkle, Canada? Farkle: Our greatest allies are the people right next to us. Lucas... Lucas: I think I was the most changed by these people. I know that whatever I'm feeling, I can just tell my friends and everything would be okay. Riley: Will it? Lucas: I guess we'll see. Maya: I thought we stopped? Riley: I thought we were just friends. Lucas: We're not. We're no good at it. We can't even look at each other any more. I don't need any note cards now that we have different feelings now. And that's why your teacher was wrong. I can't hold you back from what you feel. Congratulations! You've all passed this test with flying colors. Farkle: What happens now? Now you graduate, Farkle. You walk out of here with everything you've learned... and you live life. You live it. You face whatever comes. This is going to be the greatest test of your friendship yet. Maya: Wow. I made it to high school. We're gonna need some good teachers, Matthews. Yeah. So... one last thing: How will the school remember you? Lucas: I have an idea. Maya: What's our prank? Riley: I have an idea. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. John Quincy Adams Middle School - Corridor - day ] [SCENE_BREAK] Riley: And that concludes our tour of the big, bad John Quincy Adams Middle School. Maya: Not so scary, right? Lucas: You guys are gonna do great here. Maya: There's one more thing before you guys go. Lucas: We wanted to give you something from our class to yours. Riley: We think one of the greatest legacies in life is friendship. Lucas: And no matter what happens in your new school, friends should always have a place where they can sit, and talk, and work things out. Because sometimes, life throws you all up and knots people together for a reason. Is that what you were feeling? What's that? (audience laugh) Riley: I think everybody should leave their mark. Maya: We work very well together. (Plaque on the bench reads): THIS FRIENDSHIP BENCH dedicated by Riley, Maya, Lucas, Farkle and Zay PEOPLE CHANGE PEOPLE ♪ We got time, got time ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. John Quincy Adams Middle School - night ] [SCENE_BREAK] Katy Hart: Congratulations, baby girl, you are now the most educated person in our family. Maya: Mom! You didn't graduate middle school? Here you go. Katy Hart: OK, it was a joke. (audience laugh) I am a high school graduate, with three days college under my belt, and if I hadn't taken neurobiology, perhaps I'd still be there, so take classes you understand, honey. (audience laugh) Congratulations, Farkle, only four more years 'til Princeton. Farkle: I wanna go wherever my friends go. C'mere. Look at this place! Different view than when we were growing up. I'm glad you're here with us, Zay. So, how was the Formal? Vanessa likes me better now than when I lived there. Now she's always missin' me 'cause I'm gone... You know, I got this whole love thing figured out. Don't be there. (audience laugh) Got this impossible choice to make right now. You know what you should do? What? Don't be there. (audience laugh) But I wanna be there. Well, then you deserve what you get. (audience laugh) What's it gonna be? You got two great people, one follows the rules, one likes to break 'em... Yeah. One very blonde. One very brunette. Yup. Gotta choose, man. I know! So, who do you like better? Me or Farkle? (audience laugh) Ha-ha-ha-ho. Congratulations Riley, you did it! Mmm... I had help. You would've been fine without me. I don't really see it that way, Dad. None of us do. Thank you for teaching my daugher so well. My pleasure. I don't think Farkle would have reached his full potential without you, Cory. Thanks Minkus. He had a lot to live up to. Thanks. That's why we want to see that he does! Of course he will. I don't really think you understand, Dad. What? Their class prank. Oh, you haven't hear about that? Nooo. What'd they do? Well, we started talking about legacy... About what we left behind... And what we don't want to leave behind... What we wanted to take with us... This is good! We stole something from school. You what?! This is good. (audience laugh) Well, put it back! Nope. It's ours now. We captured the real John Quincy Adams Mascot and we're taking it home with us. What did you guys do? We stole you! I told you this was good. (audience laugh) What are you talkin' about? I called up Uncle Jonathan and I told him that you had a lot more to teach us. She got you promoted, Daddy! Of course, the superintendent of schools didn't want to move teachers around for only one student, so there would have to be a lot of other people who thought you knew what you were doing. So, the parents put together a little petiton, got some signatures, and we presented it to him. I was very convincing. (audience laugh) How many parents? All of 'em. We want our children to have the best. You're going to high school, Cory... again! (audience laugh) We get to stay together. You said that you had a lot more to teach us... and now you can! [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Apartment - night ] [SCENE_BREAK] Riley: Still like him? Maya: Yeah. You? Riley: Yeah. Maya: OK. I'll check again tomorrow. (audience laugh) Lucas: Any change? Riley: No. I've felt the same way about you ever since I fell into your lap on the subway. Lucas: You? (looks at Maya) Maya: There was this camp fire, y'see... You and me, I was in a far away place, there was a million stars in the sky... What do you think? Lucas: I think I don't want anybody to be hurt. Riley: I think we don't know how to stop that. [SCENE_BREAK] Maya: Still like him? Riley: Yeah. You? [SCENE_BREAK] Maya: Yeah. (audience laugh) Maya: Still like-- Lucas: Yeah. Riley: OK.

With middle school graduation around the corner, Riley, Maya, Lucas and Farkle work together to determine what kind of legacy they want to leave at John Quincy Adams.

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Scene: The apartment. Amy: This is nice, that we all get to eat together. Leonard: Absolutely. Amy: Hmm. Can we maybe put the phones down and have an actualhuman conversation? Sheldon: We can, but thanks to Steve Jobs, we don't have to. Penny: Guys, guys, you're never gonna believe this. Leonard: What happened? Penny: I just got a part on a TV show. Amy: Congratulations. Leonard: What? That's great. Guys. Howard: Oh, yeah Sheldon: Yay, Penny. Amy: What's the show? Penny: Um, NC... II... or, you know, NCSTD... I don't know, it's, it's, you know, it's the one with the letters and I'm gonna be on it! Leonard: That's amazing. Penny: Yeah. Howard: What's your part? Penny: Um, I play a customer in a diner and I flirt with Mark Harmon. Raj: Ooh, Mark Harmon, he's a dreamboat. Leonard: So it, it's just flirting? Penny: Well, yeah. Why? Leonard: Uh, no reason. I just think it's sexier when things are left to the imagination. Amy: He's wrong. Credits sequence. Scene: The Cheesecake Factory. Raj: So I read a study that says a man with a dog is three times more likely to get a woman's phone number. Leonard: Is it true even when the man lets his dog lick peanut butter off his tongue? Raj: I don't see why not. Howard: If you're really desperate to meet women and like having food eaten out of your mouth, I could set you up with my mom. Sheldon: Why is that funny? That's just unhygienic. Leonard: It's a joke. Sheldon: I don't think so. I believe that a joke is a brief oral narrative with a climactic humorous twist. For example, uh, Wolowitz's mother is so fat that she decided to go on a diet, or exercise, or both. See? The twist is that people don't usually change. Well, they don't. Penny: Hey, guys, don't forget, my episode's on TV tomorrow night. Howard: We'll be there. Raj: Can we bring anything? Penny: Oh, that's so sweet of you, but I was gonna steal food from here. You know, my treat. Sheldon: Wait, if Howard's mother is coming, then you should also steal marbles. Because she's obese, and hippos are obese, and in the popular board game Hungry Hungry Hippos, they eat marbles. Maybe I need to dumb these down for you. Scene: The stairwell. Sheldon: Leonard, do you think I'm funny? Leonard: No. Do you? Sheldon: I think I'm hysterical. Leonard: I take it back. That was funny. Sheldon: The philosopher Henri Bergson says it's funny when a human being behaves like an object. Leonard: I bet that bit killed at The Chuckle Hut. Sheldon: Oh, he didn't perform stand-up comedy, he was a philosopher. Leonard: You know, I think we're zeroing in on your problem. Sheldon: Perhaps I'll spend some time developing a unified theory of comedy, which will allow me to elicit laughter from anyone at any time. Unless they're German, 'cause that's a tough crowd. Leonard: Are you set on people laughing with you? 'Cause if you're cool with at you... Sheldon: I don't get it. Scene: Bernadette's car. Bernadette: Raj, when you said you were gonna bring a date to watch Penny's thing tonight, I didn't think you meant Stuart. Howard: Really? I never for a second thought it'd be anything else. Raj: I almost met someone last night, but I blew it. I was walking Cinnamon and this girl introduced herself, but she was so cute I panicked and said, wouldn't it be easier if instead of talking we could just sniff each other's butts? Bernadette: Well, Stuart's cute in his own way. Stuart: When I was a baby, my mother called me her little possum. Raj: Are possums cute? Stuart: Not at all. Howard: If you're so intimidated by talking to attractive girls, maybe you should practice by talking to regular people. Raj: You mean like fatties and uggos? Bernadette: Or maybe just stop talking. Howard: I'm serious. Go to the mall, talk to anybody, practice, that way when you eventually do talk to a cute girl, it won't be so scary. Bernadette: Or just keep dating the possum. Scene: The apartment. Voice on television: Parsa doesn't have those kind of resources. Second voice: No, and that's why he had Erin Pace rewire it... Leonard: I'm so proud of you. Penny: We haven't even gotten to my scene yet. Leonard: I know, but you're going to be a TV star and you haven't left me yet. That takes guts. Sheldon: I don't know about you, but I'm very uncomfortable with all this. Amy: Why? Sheldon: I've never seen this show before and now I'm starting with episode 246? It's unnatural. Amy: Just think of the first 245 as the prequel. Sheldon: All right. Penny: Okay, shh, guys, guys, this is it. Man on TV: I guess it's you and me, kid. Mark Harmon on TV: What are you doing? Woman on TV: I'm trying to make peace. Mark Harmon on TV: We're good. Woman on TV: Good. Mark Harmon on TV: Really? Because... Penny: Are you kidding me? Leonard: What's wrong? Penny: Well, the diner scene. Where's my diner scene? Sheldon: Well, don't ask me. Until I see the prequel, I'm lost. Penny: No, there was supposed to be a big scene with me and Mark Harmon, but it's gone. Bernadette: What happened? Penny: They must've cut it. Leonard: Oh, Penny, I'm, I'm sorry. Howard: That stinks. Raj: I'm sure you were great. Penny: This doesn't make any sense. I mean, I, I thought I did a, a really good job, I... Excuse me. Sheldon: I've been studying how to make people laugh. They say that comedy is tragedy plus time. Let's tickle some ribs. Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny (on phone): No, Dad, I don't think they cut me out of the show because I was too pretty. No, I don't need you to come out and kick Mark Harmon's ass. Daddy, I gotta go. I love you. Bye. Leonard: How you doing? Penny: Ugh, this is such a disaster. My parents had all my relatives over. They got one of those six-foot sandwiches, and got my brother a day pass out of rehab and now he's missing and the sandwich is missing, and they're probably in Mexico by now. So humiliating. Leonard: You still got the part. That's a huge accomplishment. Penny: Yeah, but this was supposed to be my break, okay? People were gonna see me in this show and it was gonna lead to bigger things. More auditions, more parts. Now none of that's gonna happen. Leonard: Honey, you only had, like, three lines. That wasn't gonna happen anyway. Penny: Unbelievable. Leonard: Oh, come on, no, that's not what I meant. Penny: Then what did you mean? Leonard: I don't, look, you know, words don't always have to mean things. Penny: I think you meant that you don't believe in me. Leonard: Nope. Uh, uh, I might not know what I meant, but I know that I didn't mean that. Not this guy. Oh, no way. Penny: I want you, right now, to give me your 100% honest opinion. Leonard: Right. Penny: Do you think I have what it takes to really make it as an actress? Leonard: Yes. Penny: So you think I'll be on TV and in movies and win awards. Leonard: Honestly? Penny: Yes, honestly. Leonard: I don't. Penny: How could you say that? Leonard: I don't know, I got all confused when you said honestly. Penny: Oh. Leonard: Look, do I think that you are talented and that you are beautiful? Of course I do. But isn't Los Angeles full of actresses who are just as talented, just as beautiful? All right, look, we'll come back to that. Penny: No, please. Don't stop, go on. Tell me how I'm gonna be a waitress for the rest of my life. Leonard: That is not what I said. Look, I think you're really good. I truly do. But this is an incredibly hard thing that you're shooting for. I mean, the odds of anyone becoming a successful actor are like a million to one. Penny: Wow, thank you. Leonard: Should've let Sheldon come. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: This is interesting. Apparently, a key component in some forms of humour is the element of surprise. Amy: Well, that makes sense. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for planning and anticipation, and patients with brain lesions on their... Sheldon: BRAIN LESIONS! Amy: Sheldon, you scared me. That wasn't funny. Sheldon: Or maybe you have a stick up your prefrontal cortex. Amy: Okay, the notion that you can read a few books and come up with a definitive theory of comedy is absurd. I mean, humour is a complex neurological... (Sheldon drops his trousers) Okay, that's pretty good. Sheldon: Excellent. Scene: The mall. Stuart: How about her? Raj: No. No pretty girls. The point is to talk to regular people and work our way up to pretty girls. Stuart: Fine. How about that old lady with the walker? Raj: That depends. On any level, do you think she's hot? Stuart: We'll find somebody else. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Kumquat? Amy: I guess. Sheldon: Ointment? Amy: Sure. Sheldon: Now, would you say ointment is more, equal to, or less funny than kumquat? Amy: I don't think I want to go out with you anymore. Sheldon: Will you please stop joking around? I'm trying to figure this out. Amy: Sheldon, how many words are you gonna go through? Sheldon: All of them. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: You didn't get your part cut. Voice on TV: All right, baby, here's the deal. Penny: And you didn't get your part cut. Yep, bunch of old guys rocking out in a band, all with erectile dysfunction, you didn't get your part cut! Leonard: Hey. Can we talk? Penny: We can, but the part of Penny might get cut. Leonard: That was really crappy of me. What you're trying to do is hard, but people do make it, and I really do believe you could be one of them. Penny: Thank you. Leonard: And to show you how much I believe in you, I kind of got you an audition. Penny: Are you serious? For what? Leonard: The new Star Wars movie. Penny: What? How did you manage that? Leonard: There's this thing online, you put yourself on tape and just send it in, anyone can do it. Penny: Come on Leonard, this is just a PR stunt. Leonard: So? Even if it is, you have a huge advantage because you're an actual actress. Most of the people doing this are just weirdoes and nerds. Wolowitz sent his in two days ago. Penny: Really, let it go. Leonard: Look, maybe it is a long shot, but sometimes long shots happen. Luke Skywalker was only given one chance to destroy the Death Star. He had to get a torpedo into an exhaust port that was only two meters wide, but with the help of The Force, he... wow, I can feel you hating me right now. Scene: The mall. Stuart: How about that lady in the sweat suit, speed-walking? Raj: Yeah, she seems friendly and easy to... never mind, she's gone. You know, maybe talking to people is too hard. Stuart: We could go over to that department store, practice on the mannequins. Raj: I don't know. They're dressed very stylishly. They're probably stuck-up. This is ridiculous. The next person that walks by, no matter who it is, they're the one. We're gonna die here. Scene: The Cheesecake Factory. Amy: Hello. Bernadette: Hey. Howard: Where's Sheldon? Amy: He's home trying to use science to determine the basis of humour. Bernadette: That's interesting. Amy: It's exhausting. Do you have any idea how hard it is to laugh at a knock-knock joke that starts with knock-knock-knock, Amy, knock-knock-knock, Amy, knock-knock-knock, Amy? Bernadette: If you want him to stop, sometimes the easiest thing to do is just fake a laugh. Howard: Fake a laugh? Do you ever do that with me? Bernadette: No, of course not. Howard: Well, I'd be able to tell anyway. Bernadette: I don't think you would. Howard: Please, I've made plenty of girls laugh, sometimes just by asking them out. (Bernadette laughs uncontrollably) Yeah? Well, I fake my orgasms. Scene: The apartment. Leonard (on phone): Yes, how much for a hundred long-stemmed red roses? Really? How much for three? Penny: Hey. Leonard: Yeah, I'll call you back. Penny: Look, I know you were just trying to help with your Star Wars thing. I didn't mean to call it idiotic. Leonard: Well, I don't think you called it idiotic. Penny: Oh. Sorry, I meant to. Anyway, um, I was just upset with myself. I wasn't mad at you. I just feel like everything is falling apart. Leonard: Come on. It's okay. Penny: No, it's not okay. Look at me, okay? I took a temp job as a waitress forever ago, and I'm still doing it. I can't quit, because guess what? I can't do anything else. And I finally get my big break, and it goes away. I'm such a mess. Leonard: No, you're not. Penny: Really? 'Cause this morning at Starbucks, a pair of old underwear fell out of my pant leg. And it wasn't the only one in there. Leonard: Okay, listen to me, this is just a minor setback. Penny: No, it's not, okay? I've been out here for, like, ten years. I've nothing to show for it. Leonard: Well, you have me. Penny: You're right. I do have you. Mm. Let's get married. Leonard: What? Penny: Ooh. Leonard Hofstadter, will you marry me? Leonard: Um... Penny: Did you seriously just say um? Leonard: Look, you know I love you but, but you're, you're drunk and sad and feeling lost. Penny: Okay, so, so you don't want to marry me? Leonard: That is not what I said. Penny: No, forget it. I take it back. Offer's off the table. Sheldon: Who's in the mood to laugh? Leonard: Really not a good time. Sheldon: But I used science to construct the perfect joke. Penny: I'm gonna go. Leonard: Penny, don't. Penny: No, no, I just need to be alone. Sheldon: So, a sandwich, a rabbi and yo mama walk into a bar. Where are you going? Leonard: To my room. Sheldon: Should I follow you? Leonard: No. Sheldon: Leonard, wait. Leonard: What? Sheldon: I forgot to tell you the sandwich is promiscuous. Scene: The mall. Stuart: How about those guys on that bench over there? They look pathetic. I bet we could talk to them. Raj: That's a mirror. Stuart: Oh, yeah. Security Guard: Hey, fellas, mall's closing. Raj: Sorry. Security Guard: Yeah. Good night. Raj: Uh, excuse me. Security Guard: Yeah? Raj: Uh, do, do you like being a mall security guard? Security Guard: It's all right. Raj: Okay, nice talking to you. Stuart: Smooth. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Can't sleep? Leonard: No. Sheldon: Would you like to talk about it? Leonard: Penny proposed, and I didn't say yes. Sheldon: Why not? Leonard: That's a good question. Sheldon: Does that mean the relationship is over? Leonard: I don't know. Sheldon: Why don't you ask her? Leonard: Because I'm afraid to know the answer. Sheldon: Well, I'm sorry. Leonard: That's it? You're not gonna make some dumb joke or some inappropriate comment? Sheldon: No. You're my friend, and, I'm sorry. Leonard: Did you just put a kick me sign on my back? Sheldon: No. That wouldn't be funny at all. Scene: Howard and Bernadette's bedroom. Howard: Star Wars audition, take one, starring Howard Joel Wolowitz, real-life astronaut. Vader is here, now, on this moon. I felt his presence. He's come for me. He can feel when I'm near... Bernadette: How many times do I have to tell you to replace the toilet paper when it's empty? Howard: I'm in the middle of something. Bernadette: So am I.

Penny is ecstatic to get a minor role on NCIS but is devastated when her scene is cut. While comforting her, Leonard accidentally suggests her scene would have made no difference to her career, which upsets her. She demands he honestly tell her his opinion on her acting, and he admits to believing she has unrealistic ambitions for success. Later realizing his honesty may have hurt Penny, Leonard brings her an offer to audition for a part in the new Star Wars movie by submitting a video. Penny gets drunk and proposes to Leonard after thinking the only good thing in her life is him. Because Penny is upset and drunk, Leonard hesitates to answer, so Penny leaves, and Leonard is left wondering if their relationship might be over. At Howard's advice, Raj and Stuart go to the mall to improve their ability to talk to women but only talk to the security guard. After realizing no-one finds him funny, Sheldon wants to learn to become more humorous and attempts to develop a universal theory of humor. He bores Amy by asking which words she finds funny. Amy meets up with Howard and Bernadette. Bernadette admits to Howard she often fakes a laugh at his jokes.

fd_Charmed_06x13

fd_Charmed_06x13_0

[Scene: Manor. Dining room. Phoebe, Paige, Jason and Richard are there. They have just finished dinner.] Paige: Okay, this has been really fun, guys, but Phoebe actually brought us here tonight to say something, didn't you, Pheebs? Phoebe: No, no, I-I-I just think that we don't get to see enough of each other, that's all. (She laughs nervously.) Jason: Might be a little longer too, seeing as we're off to Paris in the morning. Paige: Yeah, about that French merger... Phoebe: Oh, Hong Kong, Rome, gay Pa-Ree, it's enough to send a girl's head spinning, you know. Paige: But wasn't there something you really wanted to say about... Richard: Ah, you must have great business karma. Jason: Oh, karma? I don't believe in that stuff. Richard: Not at all? Jason: Well, I mean, you know, if somebody cuts me off on the road, I'd like to think that they're gonna get what's coming to them, if that's what you mean. Richard: That's karma, the great cosmic justice system. You reap what you sow. Paige: Great, fabulous, anyway, Phoebe. (Paige kicks Phoebe under the table.) Phoebe: Ah! Uh, okay, alright. Uh, Jason, there is something that I want to share with you right now, and, uh, that would be... a toast. A toast to your new merger. Paige: Pheebs, could you help me with the cobbler. (Phoebe and Paige leave the room.) Jason: Am I missing something? [Cut to the kitchen. Phoebe and Paige walk in.] Paige: Okay, that was a three course meal, not including the fruit and cheese plate, I gave you a million openings. What do you want? A drum roll? Phoebe: Actually, that's not a bad idea. Paige: You are going with him to France tomorrow. You've been putting this off for too long, you have to tell him you're a witch. Phoebe: I'm just thinking maybe we should wait until we get there to tell him, you know. And then if there's an emergency you can orb us back, okay? Paige: You've probably been caught almost like a million times. You can't keep taking that risk. Phoebe: I know. You know, maybe I should wait until tomorrow until after the big banquet so I don't upset his big day. Paige: I think that you have a big problem with avoiding conflict and one day, missy, it is gonna come back and bite you in the ass. (Richard walks in.) Richard: Hey, he's getting a little antsy in there. Paige: And you, what is it with this whole karma thing? You're supposed to be making it easier for her. (Leo orbs in.) Leo: Piper's under attack, she needs your help fast. Phoebe: Saved by the orb. Great. Keep Jason occupied. (Phoebe and Paige orb out.) [Cut to dining room. Leo walks in holding a pot of coffee and a dish of dessert. Richard walks in behind him.] Jason: Leo? What are you doing here? Leo: Uh, just bringing dessert. You want some? Richard: The girls are just tidying up. [Cut to a tunnel. Piper is there. She blows up a demon and another one appears.] Piper: Crap. (The demon throws a fireball at Piper and she dives out of the way. Phoebe and Paige orb in.) Phoebe: Piper. Piper: About time. (They help her up and Piper blows up the demon.) Phoebe: It wasn't easy to find you in these catacombs. Paige: You were supposed to wait until after dinner so I could help. Piper: Well, I thought I could handle it. Except I must have missed something in the book. Phoebe: I guess so. Piper: Look, every time I hit one, two more show up. (Piper looks around the corner and sees two more demons. She tries to blow them up but they duck and she misses. They throw two fireballs.) Phoebe: Okay, back up. (Phoebe walks around the corner.) Hey, boys! (They throw a fireball each at Phoebe and she channels them straight back at them, vanquishing them. Four more shimmer in. Piper and Paige pull Phoebe back behind the wall.) Piper: Okay, new plan. Blast and then bail. Phoebe: Okay. [Cut to the manor. Kitchen. Jason walks in with Leo and Richard following.] Jason: Hey, Phoebe, what's taking you so long? Wh-Where'd they go? Richard: Uh, must be an emergency or something. Jason: It's always some emergency or some phone call or some marathon pee-break. What's going on? (Piper, Phoebe and Paige orb in, in front of Jason. He faints.) Piper: Oh. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Foyer. Phoebe watches Jason drive away in his car. She closes the door and walks into the living room where Leo is healing Piper's wound on her forehead.] Leo: I'd better go check on Wyatt. (Leo leaves the room.) Phoebe: I've never seen him like that. He looked at me like he had no idea who I was. Paige: He doesn't know you. Not the witch you, anyway. Piper: He's just gonna need some time. Phoebe: Why didn't I just tell him? And no I told you so's. Paige: We all make little mistakes, honey. Phoebe: This was a very big mistake. I can't imagine how he's feeling right now, what he's going through. Paige: The good news is it's out in the open now and, uh, you know, you guys have no more secrets. (Richard walks in.) Richard: Food's away, table's cleared, anything else I can do? Paige: No, thank you. Richard: Hey, I feel awful. I'm sorry about what happened. Phoebe: It's not your fault. Richard: Well, actually, it is. Piper: Why? Did you shove Jason into the kitchen? Richard: No, but my karma did. I'm serious, I'm convinced I'm carrying around the burden of my family's karma. We did so much bad with magic, now magic's doing bad to me, and those I care about. Paige: Now that is completely ridiculous. Richard: The feud has lasted for decades in my family, and so many people were hurt in the crossfire. Somebody's gotta inherit that bad karma, right? Piper: Not really how karma works. Phoebe: You live a double life with your boyfriend, and you pay the price. If anyone's karma made this happen it's mine. Paige: That's true. You had the chance to clean this up tonight and you didn't. Phoebe: See, there's that 'I told you so', huh? Paige: Only to make a point. Phoebe: No, you're right. I've been avoiding conflict my whole life. Richard: And it just happened the night I was here? It's all I'm saying. Piper: Hey, you guys, this mea culpa game is real fun and all but we're not gonna solve anything. Um, there's multiplying swarm demons on the other hand. Paige: That's right, we riled them up, didn't we? Piper: Yeah, and if they attack right now we won't know how to deal with them. So why don't you two hit the book and I'll catch up after I check on Wyatt. Phoebe: Uh, would you guys mind if I sat this one out? I kind of feel like I need to go see Jason. Piper: Well, maybe after we... Paige: No, we can handle it. [Cut to Wyatt's room. Leo lays Wyatt down in his crib. He covers him with a red blanket. Piper walks in.] Piper: Leo, no, no, no. Leo: What? What? What? What is it? (Piper pulls off the red blanket.) Piper: This, this. Leo: What, my grandmother's quilt. Piper: Her red quilt. The colour of anger and violence and all things bad. Leo: Bad? I used that quilt. Piper: Well, you can have it back. Wyatt is now using the powder blue baby blanket. Did you turn off the serenity Mozart CD? Look, we need to bathe Wyatt in goodness and nurture peace and serenity. Happy things. (She plays the Mozart CD on the CD player.) Leo: Piper, don't you think you're overreacting a little bit? Piper: Leo, there's no such thing as overreacting when it comes to the future of our child. Leo: Okay, but aren't the swarm demons the last on the list of threats? Piper: Yes, but... Leo: Okay, and when they're gone, are you gonna stop worrying a little bit, right? Piper: No, because I've sent Chris to suss out if there's any new threats. Leo: Okay, not to press a point but didn't you just have an epiphany about not focusing all your energy on Wyatt? Piper: Yes, well, that was before Chris informed us that our child is going to grow up to be the future of all evil. Besides, it's not all I do. I have the club, I have friends. Leo: Wow. Piper: Look, it's just that Wyatt still comes first. Which is why you're going to take him up the Elders so he's safe while we figure out how to deal with the swarm demons. And while you're there, can you ask them if there's anything they can do to ensure goodness in Wyatt, you know, pull a few strings. Leo: Piper, we don't need any strings pulled. We can protect our son ourselves. Piper: Well, in the future apparently we don't. Okay, so look, there are blue booties in the bag in case it gets cold, so don't be afraid to use them, okay? (Piper leaves the room. Leo picks up Wyatt.) Leo: Don't ask me, she's your mother. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Paige and Richard are there.] Richard: Look, you and I both know in order to make this work you can't repress yourself. Paige: I'm not. Look, practising magic. Richard: Yeah, but you don't want me to. Paige: Every relationship is gonna have its challenges, right? Look at Phoebe and Jason. Richard: I'm telling you, that was me. Paige: No, that was them not being truthful with each other, and as long as we are, we're gonna be fine. Richard: Fine would be if I could start over with a clean slate. Paige: You just be the wonderful person that you are and it's gonna make up for all the bad things your family ever did. Richard: Not in this life time. I wanna start over. Paige: It's not possible. If it were, everybody would do it. Richard: Okay, everybody's not a powerful witch. Paige: Look, karma is the DNA of the universe. It's what balances everything out. You start screwing with that, you could mess up the entire cosmic order of things. Richard: Maybe you can help me cast a spell. Paige: What part of no shortcuts are you not you getting? There's an aura cleanse, a chakra cleanse, but no karma cleanse. If it were possible to be cleansed, it would be in there. But there's no spell, it can't be done. (Piper walks in.) Piper: Got anything? Paige: Yeah, let's see. (Piper and Paige look at the open book.) They are distant relatives of kazis and vampires, which means they come from a hive. Did you even read this? Piper: I skimmed it. So they were drones that we were killing. Well, no wonder they just kept coming back. It says you have to kill the king to kill the hive which requires a power of three spell. I'll call Phoebe. (She heads for the door.) Paige: Hey, just slow down there, okay? Take it easy. Piper: Okay, you orb out and get Phoebe and I'll start on the potion. Paige: Why don't we just track the leader down. You and I. That way Phoebe and Jason can have a little bit of time alone, yeah? Piper: Well, what if the swarm attacks before... (Paige gives her a look.) Okay, fine. We'll locate the ruler first. Paige: Brilliant idea. (to Richard) Hey, can I orb you anywhere? Richard: No, it's okay. I drove my car here. Paige: Okay. I'll see you soon. (Piper and Paige orb out. Richard walks over to the Book of Shadows and starts flipping through it.) [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Jason's office. Jason is there. Phoebe walks in.] Jason: You stay away. Phoebe: We need to talk. Jason: No, no, I don't wanna talk. You're, this is your... this-this is-is-is so beyond, this is so far beyond my reality, you know. I-I-I I'm just still trying to figure out how-how you could... fifteen months I didn't know. Phoebe: I wanted to tell you. I really did, but I couldn't. And you know now, so can we talk about this please? Jason: Oh, okay, fine, let's talk. Alright, what was this, huh? The Godiva girls. Was that magic? Phoebe: Yeah. Jason: Okay, what about that-that funny looking little cousin of yours, cousin Shamus. What the hell was he? One of the seven dwarves? Phoebe: Uh, no actually, he was a leprechaun. And not really my cousin. Look, Jason, I know how you feel. Jason: How do I feel, Phoebe? Huh? Tell me because I don't know. But you, you always seem to know. So tell me, how's it gonna feel when I crash? 'Cause I-I-I see one coming. Is it gonna feel like when you said 'I love you too'? Because that, that was magic, wasn't it? Phoebe: But I do love you. Jason: I-I-I don't have time for this. Phoebe: I didn't want you to find out like this, believe me. Jason: I, uh, I have to concentrate. I'm speaking in front of a hundred share holders celebrating the, uh, second biggest French media merger of the decade, okay? So, I need to, I need to focus. [Scene: Tunnel. Piper and Phoebe are walking around.] Piper: Hey, you're the one that wanted to look for the swarm king in the first place, remember? Paige: Yeah, that's when I thought it was a hive, not so much a maze. Oh, no. (She spots some footprints.) Is this starting to look familiar? Are we...? Piper: Going around in circles? Paige: Let's just orb home. Piper: Why are you in such a rush to go home all of a sudden? Paige: It's Richard. Anytime he's alone for too long bad things start to happen. (They hear footsteps. Piper gets ready to blow up whoever's about to walk around the corner.) No. (Paige takes her around the corner out of sight.) It only attracts them more, remember? (A dozen swarm demons walk past.) Should we follow them? Piper: Good idea. (They start to follow the swarm demons but more appear behind them.) Now? Paige: Yeah. (Piper blows them up.) [Cut to the manor. Attic. Richard has the Aura Cleanse spell open in the Book of Shadows. He is writing down a spell on a piece of paper. He picks up the paper and grabs a pinch of sand and walks over to some lit candles. He sprinkles the sand on the floor.] Richard: "I call to thee, pure witch's fire, through vortex flow the heavenly mire, cleanse brackish karma of debris, from dark to light sweep history." (A bright light circles Richard.) [Cut to downstairs. Phoebe walks in through the front door.] Phoebe: Hello? Anybody home? (She hangs up her coat. The light disappears from Richard and reappears downstairs, hitting Phoebe. She gets a vision of French soldiers firing at a target. Phoebe is thrown backwards.) Qu'est-ce que c'est? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Foyer. Piper and Paige orb in. They look tired and sore.] Piper: How many did we get? Fifteen or sixteen? (Paige yawns.) Paige: I don't know. I stopped counting at dawn. I'm gonna go crash. Actually, I'm gonna go check on Richard and then go crash. Piper: But wait, we know where the king is now. So we gotta get Phoebe so we can go back and get him. Paige: No. I am taking a hot bath and curling into a nice warm bed. Piper: You know, living at Richard's mansion has made you soft. Paige: Oh, shush. Piper: I'm serious. What if this is the demon that gets to Wyatt? Paige: Well, then it's all the more reason for us to be well-rested, right? (Piper sees a broken vase on the floor.) Piper: What happened here? (Phoebe comes down the stairs wearing very little.) Phoebe: Bonjour! Bonjour! Paige: Bonjour? Piper: What the heck are you wearing? Phoebe: Oh, just a little something to help me win my boyfriend back. Showing a little skin never hurt. Paige: Oh, I'll file that away. Piper: I guess it didn't go so good with Jason last night? Phoebe: No, unfortunately. Je ne sais pas pourquoi. Paige: Since when do you speak freedom fry? Phoebe: I don't know actually, it's kind of weird considering I hate the French. Piper: No you don't. You love everything about France. Phoebe: I do? Oh, then maybe I just hate being dumped. All the more reason to go get him. Piper: Uh, just there's one thing. See, we kind of need the power of three for a vanquish, you know, to save your nephews future and all. Phoebe: Yeah, sorry, I can't. (She heads for the door.) Au revoir. (She leaves.) Piper: Please tell me she didn't... Paige: Cast a spell on herself? I think she did. [Scene: Tunnels. The swarm king and dozens of swarm demons are there.] Swarm King: I can feel their pain. This is where they fought and died. Correct me if I'm wrong but this was your division. Swarm Demon #1: I'm afraid it was. Swarm King: Remember, this is going to hurt me much more than it hurts you. (He vanquishes Swarm Demon #1.) It is time to bring the fight to them! Let the Charmed Ones feel our pain! [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Paige are there looking at the page the Book of Shadows is open to.] Piper: I'm confused. How does cleansing her aura get Jason back? Paige: No, Phoebe didn't cast the spell, Richard did. Piper: Richard wants Jason back? Paige: No, Richard wants to cleanse his karma. Oh my god, that's what he used the book for. Damn it, I shouldn't have left him alone. Piper: Wait a second, what does this have to do with Phoebe? Paige: Karma is not something you mess with. Especially not magically. Whatever Richard did could have gone wonky and affected her somehow. I mean, there's all this unfinished karma just floating around out there waiting to complete its cycle. Piper: What the hell are you talking about? Paige: I'm talking about Richard screwing with the karma wheel and Phoebe getting smacked down by it. She said it herself, she's been lying to Jason, living a double life, if that doesn't attract bad karma, I don't know what does. Piper: Someone's unfinished bad karma? Paige: Exactly. Except who's? Piper: Well, I'd guess a French hooker by the way she's been acting. Paige: Or worse. Okay, you go get Phoebe, I'll go get Richard. Piper: But what if he's infected too? Paige:Well, I'll save him and then I'll kill him. (Paige leaves the room.) [Scene: Richard's house. Study. Richard is there. Paige storms in.] Paige: Cast any spells lately? Richard: No. Alright, yeah, one. It didn't work though. Paige: How do you know? Richard: Because... Alright, I was cleansing my soul... Paige: Yeah, yeah, skip down to the bottom. What happened when you said the spell, exactly. Richard: Energy and light came down from the ceiling, it surrounded me... Paige: And hit Phoebe. Richard: No, I was there alone. Paige: Oh, yeah, you were alone. Okay, then how do you explain my sister suddenly walking around like she's in the nudie version of La Miz. Richard: I don't know. I don't know why it affected her and not me. Paige: Maybe because your family is surrounded by so much bad karma that there's no room for anybody else's. What were you thinking? Richard: I was thinking about us. Paige: Us? Richard: Yeah. I don't want my past to hurt you. Paige: Richard, I know that you mean well, I really do. And I get that it must be so hard to not practise magic when you can, but you can't... Richard: How can you be with a guy that's got a problem with the very thing you're all about? I have an idea. I have a potion that'll help Phoebe. (He heads for the door.) Paige: Richard. Richard: What? Paige: Stop. Richard: I can't. I did this. I need to fix it. Paige: No, hey. Please. Just no more magic. [Scene: Office. Steve's there. Richard walks in.] Richard: Hey, bro. Steve: Richard. Man, how the hell have you been? (They hug.) Richard: Good, good, you know. Wow, you look good, and you got your hair cut. Steve: Yeah, for court. I'm doing pro bono now. Richard: A do-gooder. Wow, you. Steve: Yeah, I needed a change in my life. So, mum's been worried. No one's heard from you. Staying out of trouble I hope. Richard: Yeah, more or less. Steve: So, uh, you still seeing Paige? Richard: Absolutely. I can't imagine life without her. Steve: It sounds serious. Richard: I hope so. Steve: Well, here, man, take a seat. Richard: Actually, I can't, I gotta go. Listen, I've been going through some of the old potion books just for the hell of it, and I can't find that one dad used to use to banish spirits. Do you know where it is? Steve: I thought be both agreed not to mess with that stuff anymore. Richard: I'm not. Not really. It's hard to explain. Do you know where it is? Steve: Richard. Richard: Look, save the speech. Can you help me or not? Steve: Why? What'd you do? Richard: Nothing. Steve: Are people hurt? Do you need... Richard: Damn it, Steve! Can you help me or not? Please. [Scene: Outside a building. Phoebe is waiting on the sidewalk. Jason pulls up in a limo. He gets out.] Jason: What are you doing here? And what are you wearing? Phoebe: I'm looking for you. (She pulls him closer.) Mon petit choux. Jason: Look, I don't have time for this. (He pulls away.) This is crazy. (She grabs him.) Phoebe: You have every right to be very upset with me, I know I've been a very, very bad girl. Please let me make it up to you. Jason: I don't think so. Phoebe: What do you mean you don't think so? Jason: Hey, take it easy, Phoebe, we'll talk about it later, okay? Right now I'm running late. Phoebe: There's always time for l'amour. (She tries to kiss him.) Jason: Whoa. Uh, listen, this is, I, this merger is very important to me, okay? I need to keep a clear head if that's at all possible. Phoebe: Are you saying you don't want me? Jason: Not right now. Phoebe: Cochon. You pig. Quel est ton probleme? Fils de pute!. Jason: You're crazy. (He walks towards the building.) Phoebe: You think you can just walk away from me? You think I'm crazy? You think this is crazy? Just wait. [Cut to inside. Jason is standing up on a stage talking to a room full of people in suits. There is a table full of food in the centre of the room.] Jason: In the climate of this world economy, diversity is essential. And that is why this merger is essential if we want to grow as a company. Combing resources will allow us to tap into markets that would have otherwise remained beyond our reach. (They applause.) And so today we celebrate a new Franco-American business community, in which bilateral trade is not only encouraged... (The microphone makes a high-pitched noise. The people split in two groups to make a clear path down to the stage. Phoebe is standing near the back and walks down the clearing the people have made. She walks up onto the stage.) What the hell are you doing? Phoebe: You turned on me, you rejected me, and I'd say you'll live to regret it but you won't. Jason: This isn't a game. Phoebe: Viola! Jason: Phoebe, you can't do this. (He takes off his coat and wraps it around Phoebe.) Phoebe: Oh, no? Pourquoi pas?. Watch me. (She pulls away from him and his coat.) Curses on this merger. (The champagne bottles pop and squirt champagne everywhere. The food turns into snails and toads and pigeons. The people scream and run around the room.) Jason: Phoebe, stop this. (He grabs her.) Phoebe: You let go of me! (She pushes him onto the floor.) Jason: Are you trying to ruin me? Phoebe: Oh, that's just the hors d'oeuvre. Wait until you see the entree. It's to die for. (Suddenly everything freezes including Phoebe. Piper walks through the people.) Piper: Leo! (She walks onto the stage.) Leo! Leo! (Leo orbs in.) Leo: Whoa. Piper: Yeah. Leo: Wh-Why is Phoebe frozen? Piper: That's not Phoebe. Leo: What do you mean? Piper: Long story. Let's get out of here. Leo: What about all this? Piper: Later, later. (Leo orbs out with Piper and Phoebe. The room unfreezes.) Jason: Phoebe? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo are there. Paige is reading a book. Phoebe sits on a chair.] Piper: Sit down and put this on. (She throws her a blanket.) Phoebe: I'm not finished with my revenge. Piper: Sit or I will freeze. We need to figure out who's karma you got. Phoebe: I'll never tell. Je ne fait pas ca. Paige: Okay, she's French. Bad karma... Napoleon? Piper: Probably not. Leo: Phoebe's not our only problem, that entire auditorium saw her use magic. Piper: Well, we fix Phoebe first and then we take care of the swarm king and if we're still alive after that, we'll worry about it then. (Phoebe sighs.) Maybe you should go check on Wyatt and make sure he's okay. Leo: He's fine. Okay, I'll go check. (Leo orbs out. Piper walks over to the Book of Shadows.) Piper: See if I can piece together a spell to de-karma Phoebe. Paige: Okay, what about, uh, Marie Antoinette, Queen Isabella, the she-wolf of France? Phoebe: Oh, now you insult me. I can't stand France. Piper: Vital clue there? Paige: Okay, let's see. Speaks French, hates the country, more than willing to strip in public... Oh my god, I saw something in here. Famous female spies... Mata Hari. Piper: Wasn't she one of the Bond girls? Paige: No. Look, an exotic stripper in Paris, Dutch born, double agent for Germany during World War I. Says here Mata Hari was convicted by French officials and executed by a firing squad. Piper: Well, no wonder she hates the French. Phoebe: Not half as much as I hate you for keeping me here. I need my freedom, I need my revenge. Piper: What does her karma have to do with Phoebe? Paige: Well, duplicitous, living a double life... Ring any bells? Phoebe: Enough! (Phoebe gets up.) Piper: Where are you going? Phoebe: Au revoir. (She goes in the other room. Piper freezes her. Piper and Paige walk over to Phoebe and unfreeze her.) Piper: Hi. Look, it's two against one and you are not going anywhere. (Two swarm demons appear and throw fireballs at them. Phoebe and Paige dive behind the couch. One of the fireballs hits Piper on her arm. She blows them up.) Why am I always the one getting hit? (Three more swarm demons shimmer in but are facing the wrong way.) Phoebe: Behind you! (The swarm demons turn around and Piper blows up one. Another one shimmers in and throws a fireball, hitting Paige on the arm.) Swarm Demon: Take her! (He points to Phoebe. One of them grabs Phoebe and shimmers out with her. The other two shimmer out.) Paige: Am I crazy or was she trying to save them from us? [Scene: Swarm Demon hive. Two Swarm Demons are holding onto Phoebe.] Swarm King: I didn't tell you to bring her here, I ordered you to kill them. Swarm Demon: The Charmed Ones were all together. We were lucky to grab one and get away. Phoebe: Oh, luck had nothing to do with it, I saved your butts back there. Excuse me, are you in charge here? Swarm King: I am. (Phoebe pulls away from the two Swarm Demons.) Phoebe: Good, because I'd like to get in bed with you. Not literally. Although, there may be time for that later. What I'm saying is, if you'll help me, I'll help you. Swarm King: You think I'm a fool? Saving my drones to gain my favour? I'm not one to fall for tricks. Phoebe: This isn't a trick. Hands off me. The witches have double crossed me. They wanna keep me against my will. Swarm King: So do I. Phoebe: Yeah, let me guess. To lure them here so you can kill all of us? Yeah, see you're not the first demon to try that and fail. They've got good karma. Centuries of it. It's what protects them, us. Swarm King: And what is it that you suggest? Phoebe: Well, I was hoping that you would help me create some bad karma for them by, oh, I don't know, maybe killing an innocent. Swarm King: Who did you have in mind? [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Jason's office. Jason is there. Richard walks in.] Richard: Jason. Jason: What are you doing here? Richard: I'm looking for Phoebe. Have you seen her? Jason: Not since she destroyed my career, no. Listen, uh, I've gotta give a press conference, try to salvage what's left of my reputation. Richard: Don't go, alright? I know how you feel. Jason: Oh, you know how I feel? You know how it feels to have the woman you love lie to you? To turn your one shining moment into chaos, and to strip in front of a packed auditorium. Richard: No. Look, it's not her fault. If you want to blame somebody, blame me. I cast a spell that... Jason: Hold on, you too? Richard: Yeah. Look, there's no time to explain. (He pulls out a potion.) Just, just take this, please. The moment you see Phoebe, throw this at her, she'll be back to normal, I promise. Jason: Wait a second, what is that? Richard: It's a potion. Jason: Get out of here. Richard: Look, I screwed up big time, alright? The only way to fix this is to use this on Phoebe. (He puts the potion in Jason's shirt pocket.) If you love her you'll do it. [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Piper and Paige are there dabbing each other's wounds.] Paige: Ow! Piper: Well, if you would just hold still. Paige: Fine. There. Done. Piper: Ow. Paige: You know, we wouldn't even be in this mess if it weren't for Phoebe not being able to deal with conflict. Piper: Actually, we wouldn't be in this mess if your boyfriend could handle his magic. (Piper pushes on a band-aid on Paige's wound.) Paige: Ow! You did that on purpose. Piper: Yes, I did. Paige: Maybe we should just focus on how to save Phoebe. Piper: Well, we could storm the hive but then again, she'd probably just help them stop us. Paige: Well, that's just Mata Hari coming through, using whoever she can to exact her revenge. Piper: But against who? The men who put her to death are long gone. And besides, doesn't her real karma eventually lead to her own self destruction anyway? Paige: Well, I think that's why we need to figure out why she's using Phoebe before it's too late, right? Piper: Which brings us back to Mata Hari's revenge. Paige: Okay, she's spent her life pleasing men, only to be betrayed by them at the end... Piper: Oh, no. Paige: What? Piper: What if she wants to return the favour? [Cut to outside The Bay Mirror. Piper and Paige orb in behind a truck. Jason goes over to the limo with reporters chasing him.] Jason: Listen up, folks. I'll answer everything at the press conference. Please, do me a favour and hold your questions until then. (Jason gets in the limo and Phoebe's waiting there.) Phoebe: Hello, Jason. Jason: Phoebe, I've had enough. Phoebe: Shh. (Two swarm demons shimmer in beside him.) I always get my man. Jason: Wait. Hang on a second. (They shimmer out with Jason. Piper and Paige walk over to the limo and look inside.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Swarm Demon tunnels. Piper and Paige are there.] Paige: I swear this is where we found the king last time. Piper: Well, maybe your orbing was off. Paige: My orbing was not off. They've just moved. Piper: Well, we should be hearing the swarms, so why don't we? Paige: I don't know, 'cause there's like a jillion miles in this stupid maze. They could be anywhere. Piper: We don't even know if Phoebe is here. Paige: Well, it's our best bet. I swear, if she is hurt, I am never going to forgive Richard. Piper: I think Jason's the one we need to worry about right now. [Cut to a cave. Phoebe, Jason and the swarm demons are there.] Phoebe: Such a sweet man, such a horrible way to die. I almost want to cry. Almost. Jason: What are you doing? Please stop this game. Phoebe: Life is a game. The last one standing wins. And that would be me. Jason: I get it, you're trying to teach me a lesson, I get it. Phoebe: No lesson, I just don't like being betrayed. Jason: Well, what about him? Won't he betray you? Phoebe: Goodbye, mon amour. Jason: Phoebe, please, I'm begging you. Phoebe: Oh, don't beg. I stared at my killer right in the eye. So much more dignified way to die. Jason: Richard was right. Phoebe: Who? Swarm King: Enough! Can we please get on with this? Phoebe: Ready? (The swarm demons create fireballs.) Aim. (Jason reaches in his pocket and pulls out a potion. He throws it at Phoebe. Mata Hari leaves her body.) No! (Piper and Paige walk around the corner.) Swarm King: Fire! (Phoebe faces the swarm demons and they throw the fireballs. She channels the fireballs back to them and vanquishes some. The rest dive behind rocks and throws more fireballs. Phoebe and Jason run around the corner.) Phoebe: Oh, thank god, I'm so happy to see you guys. Paige: You're you. Phoebe: Yeah. Piper: Reunion later, slay now. Swarm King: Fire at her! Piper, Phoebe, Paige: "Demon swarm that serves as one, vanquish him from which they come." (The Swarm King is vanquished along with the rest of the swarm demons.) Phoebe: Jason. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Jason: Me too. Piper: I hate to break this up, I really do, but we've gotta go. Paige: How did you get rid of Mata Hari's karma? Jason: Who? Piper: Don't ask. Phoebe: Where'd you get the potion from? Jason: I got it from Richard. He said it would be the only thing that might save you. Paige: Richard. [Scene: Richard's house. Richard opens a door to a room full of potions and ingredients. He walks in and closes the door.] [Scene: Manor. Wyatt's room. Piper, Leo and Wyatt are there. Piper puts Wyatt in his playpen.] Leo: Are you okay? Piper: Oh, yeah, you know, considering I'm the mother of the future leader of all evil. Leo: No you're not. Okay, maybe he won't be now that you took care of the last threat on him. Piper: You know as well as I do that was not the last threat. There'll be others. Leo: And you'll take care of them too. Especially now that we know what can happen. After all, well aware is half there. Piper: Did Phoebe give you that psycho babble? I just don't understand how someone so sweet could possibly turn so bad. Leo: I don't believe he will, despite what Chris says. Or maybe because of it we won't let it. You know, Piper, all parents worry about their kids, it's part of their job description. We just have to have faith. Piper: Yeah, but Wyatt isn't just any kid. Leo: And we're not just any parents either. Piper: Well, at least we know he'll inherit all of our family's good karma, and that should help. Leo: I hope it helps Phoebe too. She still has what happened to Jason's banquet to worry about. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside a Hotel. It's raining. Jason gets out of a limo and the doorman holds an umbrella above him. They walk to the door, under cover. Phoebe runs across the road.] Phoebe: Jason! Jason! Jason: Phoebe? Phoebe: I wanna talk to the press. I wanna tell them everything. Jason: Right. What are you gonna do? Tell them you're a witch? That'll make the headlines. Phoebe: Uh, actually, I didn't think about what I was gonna say them. I just know that I can't let you take the fall for this. I am so sorry about everything. The lies and... Jason: Hey, don't. Remember you saved me. Phoebe: Yeah, but that was after I tried to kill you. Jason: Well, there was that. Phoebe: If I could do it all again, I would tell you the truth. Jason: Give me a break, Phoebe, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna tell me? And besides, I was so wrapped up in my career and dragging you around the world, I never gave you a chance. Phoebe: So, um, what do we do now? Jason: I don't know. Maybe we should just both take some time. They're waiting for me. Phoebe: I wish you'd let me talk to them. Jason: No, no, what you and your sisters do, what I saw you do, it, uh, put some perspective on my work. I wanna protect that. Phoebe: You might lose the merger. Jason: I've lost worst. (They kiss and Phoebe walks away.)

Piper, Phoebe, and Paige inadvertently expose themselves as witches in front of Jason, causing him to leave Phoebe. Richard casts a spell to free himself of his family's negative karma , but accidentally channels the spirit of Mata Hari , a double agent against Germany for France during WWI , into Phoebe. Phoebe decides to get revenge on Jason by arranging for a demonic firing squad to kill him. Meanwhile, Piper and Paige try to vanquish a group of Swarm Demons, the last on Chris' list of the most significant threats to Wyatt.

fd_The_4400_02x08

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Renaissance (2x08 : Carrier) Written by CRAIG SWEENEY Directed by NICK GOMEZ **Previously on the 4400** Diana reads Maia's journal and reports to NTAC. Nina: As far as this department knew, Maia wasn't having visions anymore. Diana: She was keeping them secret from me. Writing everything down in a diary. Diana receives some mail. Diana: It's a subpoeana Maia: What do they want? Diana: Your diary Collier warns Shawn away from liv. Collier: Don't reveal your healing ability, because if you heal one of them, you'll have to heal them all. Shawn heals Livs boyfriend. Collier: One day, all of this will be yours. The paperwork's been drawn up. The lawyers know what to do. The sniper prepares to shoot Collier. Collier: Everything's in place. Collier is shot. Shawn: He had a vision to save the future and now he won't be here to see us achieve it. But we will achieve it. Shawn stands by Collier's casket. Tom enters the room at the museum. Alana: None of this is real to me either. This is where they altered us. Gave me the ability to create the world we've been living in. Alana and Tom renew their marriage vows. Alana: Thomas **Present Time** Tom and Alana return home and speak with Kyle as they eat dinner. Kyle: So let me see if I've got this straight. You two met, fell in love and spent eight years together in some kind of alternate reality. And now you're here with eight years of love and marriage under your belts in what to us was no time at all. Tom: Yeah, that, that, that about sums it up, yeah. Kyle laughs. Kyle: I'll play along. If you two start calling each other honey bunny, I'm SO outta here. Alana: I told you he'd try, Thomas. Kyle: How'd you know that? Alana: Well you might be meeting me for the first time, but I know all about you. Your smart, your favourite writer is Alan Moore and your favourite meal is meatloaf. Kyle: Well I can't be exactly the same. You said there was no 4400, so that means no coma. No time lost. Tom: No major problems, that's right. You were happy. Successful. Kyle: Meaning what? Tom: Nothing. We used to talk about medical school, remember? Over there, you went to Stanford. Kyle: How'd I do? Tom: You graduated with honours. You became a neurologist. Kyle: Must have made you proud. Tom: I'm always proud of you. Kyle: Right. But Doctor Kyle Baldwin in that world you were vacationing in, came from your mind, right? Alana: Uh, actually it was my mind. Kyle: Right, but you created it using his memories. Tom: Kyle! I'm just as proud of what you've accomplished here! Prouder. Diana is in the office when Marco enters. Marco: Hey. Diana: You wanna know why all lawyers are jerks? Cos they spend a lifetime reading this crap. He sits on her desk. Marco: What kind of crap specifically? I'm a pretty good interpreter. Diana: I have 24 hours to turn Maia's diary over to NTAC and not one legal option to get out of it. Marco: What are you going to do? Diana: Well, what NTAC wants, NTAC gets. But I have a nine year old daughter at home who's counting on me to protect her. Marco: Is there any way I can help? Diana: Yeah, you can slap me upside the head for mentioning the diary in the first place. It didn't save Collier's life and now it's making mine hell. Marco: How about I just make some fresh coffee instead. Diana: Thanks. Marco: Yeah. He leaves the office. Back at the Baldwin house and Kyle is sat on the sofa reading the newspaper which has a story on Collier's murder. Alana enters the room. Alana: Do you think they'll find the man who did it? Kyle: By they, you mean, Thomas? Yeah, probably. Dad always gets his man. You heading out? Alana: Yes, I have to keep reminding myself I don't live here anymore. Kyle looks at her and then turns his head away. Alana: Look Kyle. Your father and I love each other. Kyle: That's great. There's not enough love in the world. But I just met you. Give me a few day's before I start calling you Mom, ok? Alana: Uh, you've got one of those already. I'd settle for being a good friend. And I'll keep bribing you with meatloaf until you give in. She leaves the room. The scene shifts to a diner. All the customers and staff lie dead. Outside, people lie on the pavement and in cars. A woman, Jean Delynn Baker, an abductee who disappeared on Oct 27th 1999, stands among the dead and is visibly upset. She walks through the many bodies littering the street. A limo arrives at the 4400 centre. A few men rush to greet the man who steps out of the car. Man: Hello Mr Ross. Did you have a good flight? Matthew: Yeah, thanks. Man: Now would you like me to show you around, or do you wanna get some rest. Matthew: Neither. Take me to Mr Farrell. Man: Yes sir. Right this way. Shawn and Lucy are in his office. Lucy: They've been waiting three day's. Shawn: Tell publicity I'm not sure yet. Lucy: They're saying we're past our deadline. We have to release this press statement. He reads the statement. Shawn: This is supposed to be coming from me? I don't even understand half of what it say's. It doesn't sound like me, Lucy. Lucy: So change it. You're the boss. Oh, and legal needs signatures now or no-one get's paid. Including legal. Shawn: I can only do one thing at a time. Lucy: So let's start with the statement. Matthew enters the office. Lucy: Why don't you dictate something to me? Matthew: No press statement! If the press wants to know what Mr Farrell is thinking, they can watch 60 minutes along with the rest of America. I've already booked an exclusive interview with our new face at the 4400. That's all for now. He hands Lucy back the file. Matthew: Thanks. Lucy looks at Shawn and leaves. Matthew: I'm sorry to just jump in like that. I thought you could use a hand. Matthew Ross. Shawn: Yes. Yeah. What are you doing in Seattle? Matthew: I go where I'm needed. Shawn: You've come to the right place. Matthew: It's no coincidence, Shawn. Jordan made it clear that in the event of his death, I was to step up front and center to help you out. Shawn: Well, another in a long line of plans that Jordan neglected to share with me. But I'm glad you're here. Jordan talked about you a lot. Matthew: You're gonna have to hire yourself a new lobbyist. I'm moving to the home office for the time being. Shawn: Pick any office you want. You start right away. Uh, these letters. Everyone knows I can heal, now. Matthew: Jordan had every intention of revealing your healing ability to the public, but he was planning on doing it in stages. We don't have that luxury anymore. We'll deal with it. Shawn: I can't go outside anymore. There's sick people, press, they follow me everywhere! Matthew: And they will for the rest of your life. The ground just shifted under your feet. You either find your balance or you fall on your ass. This center's the new Lourdes. Nobody's gonna be calling us a cult, anymore. We're turning away people faster than we can sign them up. In ten years, this movements gonna be one of the most dominant faiths on the planet Shawn: Stop. I'm glad things are going so well, I am, but a week ago I was just some guy trying to beat the last level of Doom. I wasn't the Pope then and I'm not the Pope now. Matthew: Yes you are and you need to start getting used to it. Back at NTAC. Nina: The FBI is spearheading the hunt for the man who killed Jordan Collier. Oh, but we are still in the game and NTAC is making this collar. I'm not having someone else clear up are mess for us. Agent: Then we'd better get moving. We all know there's an expiration day on these manhunts. Trail starts getting cold after 48 hours. Tom: I wanna have a look at employee sign in sheets for every office building and parking garage within a ten block radius of the center. Agent: We've already cross examined everyone on those books. Diana: Well then we have to look OFF the books. This guy shot a public figure in broad daylight. There has to be an eyewitness. Nina: And so far Tom, the only one who has seen this killer, is you. April and Maia are at a newstand. April is scratching lottery cards. April: Loser. Pathetic loser! Sweetie, whatever you do, never, ever gamble. It's wrong and it's stupid. Maia: Then why do you do it? April: Because unlike your Mommy, your Aunt April doesn't have a steady income. She's an artist and artists always need cash. Which is where the stupid part comes in, because I always lose. So, this whole see the future thing? It doesn't just apply to Earth shattering events, huh? Maia: Not always. April: So, if I were to ask you which card I.... Maia: That one! Maia points to a card. April: I'll take this one right here. Thanks. She scratches the card and is a winner. April: Baby girl. You are my new lucky charm. Tom and Diana go into Nina's office. Nina: I'm pulling you off the Collier case. Tom: What are you talking about? We still have half that neighbourhood to canvas. Nina: Well, it's gonna have to wait. She runs a tape. Nina: 10.37am Pacific Standard. The Federal Emergency Management Agency sent in a task force to the town of Granite Pass Oregon, population 273, where there's been an outbreak of a lethal, highly contagious and as yet unidentified virus. Diana: Airborne? Nina: Yeah, likely. Tom: Man made? Nina: Unknown. All we do know is, if you went to sleep in Granite Pass last night, chances are, you're filling out a body bag this morning. There's only one resident that FEMA hasn't accounted for yet. Jean Delynn Baker, aged 30. Returnee 0188. Disappeared in '99. Tom: Divorced, no kids. Psych profile say's she's a loner. Diana: Looks like things have been pretty grim for her since she got back. Hasn't been able to hold down a job. Unemployed four times in the last year. Nina: And now she's the only resident of Granite Pass Oregon, who can't be accounted for. So we've got two possibilities. Diana: Either she's immune to this virus, in which case we could study her. Look for a cure. Tom: Or else, she's the carrier. Nina: Either way, your job is the same. Use whatever resources you need and find her. Jean get's a lift in a truck. Truck Driver: So, you gonna tell me where you're headed? Jean is crying and doesn't answer. Truck Driver: I never could stand the sight of a woman in tears. I guess that's why I never got married. You in some kind of trouble? Run off from your family? Law on your tail? Jean: Seattle. I'm going to Seattle. Truck Driver: It's a big city. You want me to just drop you on the edge of town? Jean: I'm going to the 4400 center. I gotta get there. Jean's hands are covered in blisters. Truck Driver: What the hell for? You joining up? Jean: Just get me as close as you can, please! Truck Driver: If you're looking for salvation, you're not gonna find it there. What you wanna do is give yourself over to your true Lord and saviour. Purification day is coming. The signs are everywhere. Pestilence, plague's. Jean: Tell me about it. I woke up in a town full of dead people this morning. My mother, my father, everyone. Truck Driver: Yeah? How come you survived? Jean: I think maybe I caused it. Truck Driver: You? Now I know you're messing with me. Ok, go ahead. Laugh at the Jesus freak! But I'm telling you. The whole world will be wiped clean soon enough. Jean: Look, I don't think you're a freak at all, Mr. Matter of fact, I believe everything you're saying. Diana and Tom arrive in Granite Pass. They both are wearing hazmat suits. Diana takes a look at one of the bodies lying in the street. Diana: The eyes and fingernails show only slight discolouration.Rigormortis has barely set in. What do the autopsy's show? Agent: Nothing we have a name for. Their internal organs are pretty much liquified. This thing works fast. Diana: So you just took your helmet off. You got a death wish? Agent: This virus get's released, dissipates and then disappears within a half hour. Seen enough? Diana: Plenty. Diana and Tom take their helmets off. Tom: So everyone died this morning, because they were within the virus' original radius. Diana: Right. and if you'd drove through town an hour later, you would have been fine. Tom: That's something, anyway. But Orson Bailey and Trent Applebaum. When a 4400 manifests an ability, they get more intense, quickly. Diana: Which means, if Jean Delynn Baker, is transmitting the virus. Tom: Yeah, she might be just warming up. Shawn is reading some letters from people begging for his help. Letter 1: Doctors say they can't stop my cancer from spreading... Letter 2: I'veworked hard all my life. Tuberculosis is eating up my life savings. My beloved wife of 40 years... Letter 3: Grandma told me to pray, so when I saw you on TV, I knew.... Letter 4: Help me. Shawn is upset and throws the letters onto the floor. Someone knocks on the door. Lucy: Shawn, it's Lucy. You're scheduled for the new key's address. Everybody's waiting. Shawn? Lily is pushing Isabelle through a hallway at the center. Matthew walks alongside her. Lily: I'm flattered. I'm just not sure I can take a job, right about now. Matthew: Richard's going to be travelling quite a bit. The daycare here is first rate and completely free. Lily: Well for one thing, I'm not sure I'm qualified. I mean, Assistant Director of Human Resources. I had my first daughter right out of college. You could fit my entire resume on half a page. Matthew: You're a 4400. It's like an advanced graduate degree, around here. Besides, Jordan talked about you. Lily: Oh, I'm sure he did. Matthew: He said you had the gift of empathy. That you were a natural born organiser and that you had a knack for bringing out the best in people. Lily: Jordan said that about me? Matthew: You're a returnee. You're smart. We empower people like you around here. Tom and Diana go to Jean's house and find Marco there. Marco: Wipe your feet. Tom: A killer airborne virus has been released and you're worried about muddy footprints. He waves his finger at him. Marco: It's still somebody's home. Diana: So this is where Jean Delynn Baker, lived. Marco: Until she hit the road, yeah. Tom: Did she keep a schedule or any kind of daily planner? Scientist: Yeah, but I think it went out the window when she realised her entire home town had been wiped out. Diana: Anyone get in touch with her parents? Scientist: This was her house. They were sleeping upstairs when the virus hit. Tom: Ok, you guy's aren't leaving this house, until you've gone through everything. Letter's, phone bills, grocery lists. Marco, listen to me. Find me a pattern. The way she thinks. She's on the run, I want to beat her to wherever she's headed. Marco takes a picture of Diana as she leaves the room. Scientist: Flirt! Marco: You heard the man. The 4400 center switchboard room. Operator: 4400 center. How may I direct your call. Jean: I didn't mean to do it. I didn't mean to kill them. I, these, these blisters. Jean is calling from a motel room. Jean: They itch so bad. Operator: Killed who? Jean: I need you to help me, please! Operator: Who is this? Jean: I'm a 4400 and there's something wrong with me. Everybody that I'm around dies and I don't know how to stop it. I don't know how to stop it. The operator calls for a supervisor. Operator: Tell me your name and where you are. Matthew arrives when the call ends. Matthew: How many people dead? Operator: She said, hundreds. But there's nothing about it on the news. Matthew: Could be they're trying to keep it quiet. And there is a 4400 named Jean Baker? Operator: She said she's staying at a motel near the squirrel hill exit on the 64. Matthew turns to Lucy. Matthew: Get me NTAC on the phone. Maia is sat in front of a mirror putting on make-up. April comes in carrying a laptop. April: Yes! You were right! Philadelphia creamed them! Maia: How much did you win? April: $200 for Aunt April. All because of you. My little genius. Now, I'm looking at Chicago versus New York, even up. Chicago's the home team, which gives them some advantage, but New York is coming off a three game winning streak. So who's your pick? Maia: How much are you betting? April: The whole 200 bucks. Which won't win me enough to retire on, but a girls gotta start somewhere. So, you getting anything? Maia: Do you like me? April: What kind of question is that? Maia: I mean, like me for myself. Or because I tell you stuff that's gonna happen. April: Honey, listen. I love you for who you are, not what you can do. Always. Ok? Maia nods and smiles Maia: I'd go with Chicago. April: Chicago it is. Now come on! Aunt April is gonna take you out for pizza. Go wash up and take your Mom's stuff off. You know she get's kind of uptight about.... April takes Maia's hand and looks at some rings on her fingers. April: Oh yeah. This is my Mother's engagement ring. Where did you get this? Maia: I always play with it. April: This is a very valuable ring. Which means it is not for little girl's to play with. Now wash good or I'll order anchovies. Go! Maia leaves and April looks at the ring. Alana is in the kitchen preparing dinner. Kyle runs in. Kyle: Hey! Alana: Hey! Kyle: Don't take this the wrong way, but how did you get in here? Alana: Ah, your Dad gave me a key. Kyle: A little early for dinner, isn't it? Alana: A little early for eating. Not for preparing. Can you cook? Kyle: Sorry, I'm a world class brain surgeon, not a chef. But I can empty a grocery bag with the best of them though. But I have to warn you. You're ignoring the number one rule of Dad. Alana: Which is? Kyle: The longer and more carefully you prepare for a family event... Alana: The more likely it is he won't show. Kyle: Guess you do know the man. Which means, I guess, you also know me, which I'm sorry, is really weird. Alana: You have to admit, it's a little strange for me too. We have this eight year relationship and I have to keep reminding myself that it doesn't really exist. Kyle: So tell me. Was I like number one in my class at medical school? Alana: Does it matter Kyle? You're not in competition with yourself. Kyle: I'm just curious! Alana: Well you keep bringing it up. It's more than curiosity. Kyle: So what if it is? If you knew that there was some parallel universe, where a better, smarter version of yourself was walking around. How would you feel? Alana: He wasn't better and he wasn't smarter. He was you. Kyle: He just had options I'll never have. No 4400, no coma. He got to go to medical school. Alana: Who say's you don't have that option? Kyle: I'm 21. I'm a freshman in college. Alana: So you started a little late. You keep thinking I know two Kyle's. I don't. I just know you. You wanna be a Doctor? I know for a fact that you can pass your MCAS Tom and Diana make their way in the car to Jean's motel. Diana: Jean Baker is in a motel about 10 miles ahead. Tom: Right now, half of NTAC is headed for that place. Mortimer and Felconi should be there already. Diana: It's weird huh? Responding to a tip that came from inside the 4400 center. Tom: Well Shawn did tell me he wanted to cooperate with us. Guess he mean't it. They arrive at the motel to find many cars already there. Tom show's his ID to a sheriff manning a roadblock. Tom: Excuse me. We're NTAC. We need to get through here. Sheriff: I'll open it for you. Diana: So what's going on down there? Sheriff: A dead trucker. Look's like it came on sudden. They make their way over to the truck which has veered off the road. The trucker is lying over the steering wheel, dead. It's the same man that gave Jean a lift. They return to the car and head to the motel. Jean is sat on the bed reading, when tear gas is thrown through the window. Men in hazmat suits burst in and grab her. Man: Jean Delynn Baker! Jean: No, no, no! What are you doing? I called you for help! Man: We know! Come with us! Jean: No, you're scaring me! Please stop, they start to itch when I get scared! Please! Get away from me! The two men fall to the ground. Jean: God! She runs out of the room. Her hands are bleeding and the sores are weeping. As she runs outside, other men fall to the ground. She get's into a car and drives away. Back in the car with Tom and Diana. Diana: That trucker died not more than three hours ago. Tom: He couldn't have picked up Jean more than two hours before that. Diana: Which means he was exposed, infected and killed in like what, 20 minutes. That's faster than any virus I've ever seen. Tom's phone rings. Tom: Mortimer and Falcone. Look's like we're playing backup.[Into the phone] Baldwin! Jean: It's not my fault. Tom: Who is this? Jean is in the car. Jean: I called you for help! You tossed tear gas into my room! Tom: Jean Baker. How did you get Mortimer's phone? Jean: How do you think I got it? They scared me. They came barging into my room! Tom: What did you do to them? Jean: I guess you thought those suits they had on would keep them safe, huh? Well you were wrong, ok? Nobody's safe! That's why I'm warning you. You stay away from me, ok? Just keep everyone away! Tom: Where are you? Jean: I'm driving. Tom [To Diana]: I think she took their car. Call Jarvis. Get a beat on it. [To Jean] Jean, where are you? Where you're going. We wanna help you. Jean: No, I tried that! No-one can help me. No-one ever could! Why should it be any different now!! Tom: I know you don't wanna kill anyone, but listen to me. There's a virus that's growing inside you. It's incredibly lethal. Jean: I've always been toxic. I've poisoned every relationship I've ever had! Tom: This is different. Jean: Yes! They made it real! My parents always thought I was a walking disaster. They never got to see how right they were. Tom: Jean, it doesn't have to be like that. You want this to be over? It can be. Just find a deserted spot, pull over and wait for us to come to you. Jean: I don't need you. I'm taking care of it myself. Tom: What are you gonna do? Jean: I'm gonna end this before I kill anyone else! Tom: End what? Jean: This phonecall, this day, everything! Tom: Look Jean, just, just wait, hold on, just.... Jean: Goodbye. The call ends. Tom: She say's she going to kill herself. Diana: Well I'm not sure that's a solution. It could trigger another release of the virus. Tom: Do we have a fix on her? Diana: Yeah. She's travelling west on the 99. Jarvis has got three helicopters in the air. If she doesn't pull over, there's orders to incinerate. Shawn talks with Matthew. Matthew: Vacation? For how long? Shawn: A month, maybe two, I don't know. Matthew: You think that's what the center, the movement, needs right now? Shawn: I don't know Matthew, but I'm damned sure it's what I need right now. Matthew: I think you're going to have to settle for a long weekend. I hear Future Sound [SP] is nice. Shawn: You're not hearing me. Matthew: I'm ignoring you. There's a difference. Shawn: Listen! I'm not saying I can't do this. I will lead this movement. But Jordan just died and I need some time to get my head around that. Matthew: You're gonna have to grieve on the run, like the rest of us. It's called being a grown up. Shawn: Don't lecture me about my responsibilities! You just got here. And if this place needs me the way that you keep saying that it does. Then it's gonna have to work around me sometimes. Matthew: Look around you. We can do that. Mary O'Connell, taken 1972. Very promising empath. Robert Fields, 1987. Genius with numbers and pattern recognition. John Gerten... Shawn: Who are these people? Matthew: Replacements. Potentially. None of them make the slam dunk you would, but I'm ready to move this center forward, with you or otherwise. Shawn: Jordan used to talk to me that way, sometimes. He was great at getting me to see things his way. You? You're not quite there yet. Matthew: Your healing power makes you unique. Jordan knew it. I believed it. I came here to work with you, but you're asking me to work around you and that I can't do. Shawn: Then you are going to have to spend some quality time with that list, because I'm leaving. I'm sure you won't miss a beat though. I know there's a huge demand for pattern recognition! Shawn leaves the room. [SCENE_BREAK] Marco is still at Jean's house and is on the phone with Tom. Marco: That's, that's, that's impossible. Mortimer and Falcone were wearing state of the art biohazard gear. That stuff's engineered to withstand an anthrax attack. Tom: They're dead, Marco! Obviously, whatever she's releasing is a little crafter than the anthrax virus. Marco: If it got through those suits, that means the antigen's operating on a sub atomic level. Diana: Which basically makes it unstoppable. Marco: Yeah, pretty much. Tom: Jean told me Mortimer and Falcone scared her when they came into her room. Is it possible the release of this virus is connected to her emotional state? Marco: Yeah, more than possible, it's likely. Her medicine cabinet is basically a neon sign flashing, borderline personality disorder. She's got cortisone creams for stress rashes. An assortment of your finer phsyco pharmaceutical's. Xanax, Prozac. Tom: We get it, Marco. She's a wreck. Marco: A wreck who's body acts as a delivery system for the virus she's producing. The same way flowers release pollen. Diana: What, she's emitting spores? Marco: Something like that. Look, spores are just reproductive bodies released by her vascular system. Now the human body is one big vascular system, you know, it runs on blood flow. Diana: Yeah, which can speed up or slow down. depending on moods, feelings... Marco: Right. So when Jean's blood get's going. When she's angry, confused, upset, whatever, a killer virus goes airborne. Tom: We're not far from her car now, Marco. Any advice on how to deal with her? Marco: Uh, don't piss her off? Shawn is in his office attempting to write a letter. Many screwed up pieces of paper lay scattered around him. Lily enters the room, carrying Isabelle. Shawn: Hey. Lily: Hey. Shawn: How are you Lily? Lily: Good. I heard um, you're leaving for a while. Shawn: Huh, that was fast. Anyway I uh, I don't know how long I'm gonna be gone. Lily: What are you gonna do? Shawn: Ah, for starters, I'm gonna disappear for a while. Then um, I don't know, who know's? I mean, I don't have to work here to make people healthy, so I guess I could go anywhere. Lily: So you're just gonna kind of roam the Earth, Kung Fu style? Shawn: Like I'd shave my head or wear a robe, but something like that I guess. Lily: Well you could take these with you. Check out the return address. Stop of in Gloucester, Massachusetts . Do a quick healing and then go on your way. She looks at the begging letters. Shawn: You know about the letters? Lily: Oh Shawn, they're everywhere. Each one sadder than the next. It's too much to take, almost. It did give me an idea though. But your leaving so we'll talk it over when you get back. Shawn: No Lily! Like I said, I don't know when that's gonna be, so please. I would love to hear what you have to say. Lily: Alright, well I was thinking. I mean, we're not a hospital and we're not a charity and still thousands of these requests keep pouring in every day. I mean, no wonder you feel overwhelmed. We're not set up to handle this. Shawn: Yes exactly! That's why I gotta get outta here. Lily: What if we set up a foundation. Part of this place, but seperate. Hire a staff who's only job is to open these letters and find the neediest cases. People that we can help that no-one else can. Shawn: But that is still saying no to thousands of people. Lily: That's right Shawn. But what if we can say yes to one? You heal one person a day, every day. Shawn: That's a big job though. Deciding who deserves it most. Lily: Well, so you form a committee and you load it up with Doctors, social workers... Shawn: And you? Lily: Oh, well... Shawn: Come on, it's your idea. You should at least be there to help make it happen. Lily: Yeah, I just took a job at human resources. I think I could probably get you transferred. She smiles Tom and Diana arrive to find Jean's car on fire. Tom makes his way over to one of the firefighters. Tom: Did you find a body in there? Firefighter: Can't get close enough yet. Tom: As soon as you can, we need to retrieve it. Diana: She said she wanted to end it. Tom: I guess we could send Marco and his boy's back down to the basement. We might find a ripple effect on this one. His phone rings. Tom: Excuse me. Baldwin! Jean: I came close, but, I don't know. Tom: Jean. Jean: I couldn't go through with it. Tom: That's good. Nobody wants you dead. Just tell me where you are. Jean: No, you can't help me. The 4400 Center can't help me, but it doesn't matter. I finally know where I'm supposed to go. Tom: Tell me where. I'll meet you there. Jean: You ever read the bible, Baldwin? Tom: I went to Sunday School. Jean: Spent some time with it back at the motel. The time is at hand. Tom: That's Revelations, right? Jean: But do you know what it means? I bet you don't. See, these blisters, they form on my hands. You get it. Tom: Not sure I do, Jean. Jean: They're talking about me in that book. You got family? Tom: Jean, what are you talking about? Jean: Go to 'em. Hug 'em real tight. I finally figured it out. Why they sent me back. I'm part of their plan. They want me to do this. Tom: Do what? Jean: Purify Humanity. She puts the phone down and leaves the booth. Diana: She was quoting Revelations? Never a good sign, Tom. Tom: She's gone from wanting to help, wanting to stop all this, to believing she's the end of the world. So what does she mean? Diana: She said they wanted her to do this, right? Well that implies it's out of her hands. Tom: Destiny. Diana: Well she's giving up responsibility. Tom: Yeah, that's one way to deal with being a walking plague. Pretend the decision's out of your hands. Diana: I don't think she even wants to think about it anymore. I think she just wants it over. Tom: Well that's her mindset. It still doesn't tell us where she's going. Diana: She's on auto pilot, Tom. My best guess? She does whatever she planned on doing before the bodies started rolling. Marco is looking through a notebook, and phones Tom. Tom: Marco. Marco: Today's Tuesday, right? Tom: It's Wednesday, Marco. Marco: My bad. Uh, she's only got one thing written down for the day. She's filing her unemployment claim...in downtown Portland. Maia is reading in her room and hears April shouting out. April: Son of a bitch! I don't believe it! April bursts through the door. April: Am I dreaming, or did you not tell me that Chicago would win? Do you know what I bet? Maia: $200? Maia is lying on her front, still reading a book. April: Try my Mother's diamond engagement ring and now it's gone! All because I believed in you! Trusted you! And you let me down! Maia: You lied to me! You said winning didn't matter. You said you liked me anyway. She begins to cry. April: Ah, so you knew Chicago could lose, didn't you. Right from the jump, this was all just a test! April sits on the bed. Shawn and Matthew walk through the center. Matthew: A foundation? Don't you think we have our hands full already? Shawn: It's one person a day. Once it's up and running, it's not really gonna eat into my time. Matthew: I thought you were looking for privacy. If you do this, you're stepping into a whitehouse spotlight. Shawn: Yes, but it's on my terms. Matthew: It would be good publicity. Not too hard to get off the ground. You could get some huge names for that filtering committee. I think it's a good idea. Shawn: Well I'm glad that you approve, but I wasn't really asking for your permission. Shawn walks away. Matthew: I would hope not. Jean stands on the pavement outside the Portland Employment Division. Diana and Tom approach her. Tom: Jean. Jean turns and looks at them. Jean: Baldwin. Tom: That's right. Jean: You should have stayed away. Diana: Look around you. All these people, they haven't done anything to hurt you. Jean: They haven't done anything to help me, either. Besides, it doesn't matter. I don't have a choice. I am doing what they wanted me to do. Tom: You don't have to accept that. You have a choice. Jean: Yeah, like I had a choice when I was abducted. I never had a choice. Ever! They got the right girl for the job. What are you doing here, anyway? You should have gone back to your family, like I said. Tom: No I'm, I'm right where I wanna be. Jean: You must have some kind of death wish. Tom: You think your here to kill people? I think I'm here to stop you. They infected you Jean, and that was wrong. But you don't have to let them make you into a mass murderer. Jean: I'm already a killer! Tom: No, you haven't decided to kill anyone. That's what you're doing right now! Whatever you're thinking about, destiny or fate, whatever, you're wrong. You don't have to do this. You don't. He holds his hand out to her. Jean: Wanna hear something funny? I believe you. But it's too late. Blisters have appeared on her hands. Jean: Oh, they're so white! I can't stop it now. I itch so bad! I don't.... Diana shoots her through the heart and as she begins to fall, Tom catches her, gently lowering her to the ground. Medics run over and spray her hands. Later, Diana is back in the office. Marco walks in. Marco: Hell of a day. How you holding up? Diana: Well, I'm scheduled for physichiatric counselling on Monday. Saved thousands of innocent people. Had to shoot a woman, to do it. Marco: Hey, you did what you had to do. Anyway, uh, I'm not sure if this is a good time, but I made you a little something. He hands her a black book with the word's Maia's Diary written on the front. Marco: It's kind of a, well a fake version of Maia's diary. It should fool just about anybody. Diana: You forged this to get NTAC off my back? Marco: I know it's a big thing, but you were kind of over a barrel, so... Diana: This could get me into a lot of trouble. This could get YOU in a lot of trouble. Marco: Yeah uh, you don't have to use it if you don't want to. I'm just giving you an option. Diana: This is insane. It's also, maybe one of the nicest things anybody's ever done for me. Matthew and Lily are in the grounds of the 4400 Center. Matthew: I wanna thank you for a job well done. You must have been very persuasive. Lily: I just said what I thought. Your idea for a foundation was terrific. Matthew: You mean your idea, don't you? Lily: Do we have to be all cloak and dagger about it? Now you and Shawn both got what you wanted and a lot of sick people are gonna get help. Matthew: Well you did a lot of good for the center today and I'm not gonna forget it. Lily: Hey Matthew! You know what the center means to me? Matthew: What? Lily: Free rent and daycare for my daughter. I'm not 63. I'm not an 18 year old kid. I don't need you to discover the magic power inside of me. Matthew: So in other words, you're not a true believer. Lily: Is that a problem? Matthew: Not at all. Neither am I. He walks away. Tom arrives home that night and heads to the kitchen. Alana enters. Alana: You look wiped. Tom: Don't ask. You didn't have to do this. Alana: I didn't. Your son's the cook. Tom: Kyle! I bet he had a little help. Alana: Well you know, we got to talking. It was nice. Tom: How was your day Alana? Alana: Well I bought these pieces from this young artist girl from Benstein, self taught. And she painted this little scrap of garden in her backyard. And it's light and.... Tom kisses her and she carries on telling him about her day. Diana enters Nina's office. Nina: You ok? Diana: More or less. But you almost forgot. She places the fake diary on Nina's desk. Nina: No I didn't. But I thought in line of today's events that I would give you a little extension. Diana: Well that's not necessary. It's a hot read. Lot's of good stuff about Spongebob. Nina: Thankyou. Diana leaves the office and Nina begins to read the diary. Kyle is on his laptop looking at pre med courses. He turns to the television, which is showing Collier's murder. He has a flashback to smashing in the shop window and then suddenly the memories of the murder race through his head. Flashes of him burying a bag and shooting Collier. He turns from the television and bends over as though in pain. A witness is at NTAC helping an artist sketch the killer. Witness: His eyes were more narrow. Yes that's him. His mouth was more flat, not smiling. That's him! The sketch is given to all NTAC members and posted on boards. It is quite a good likeness of Kyle, although not exact.

Tom and Diana pursue a 4400 who released a plague that eradicated a town's entire population and has powers that threaten to wipe out humanity. Also: a lobbyist from Washington, D.C., joins the 4400 Center to bring some political muscle to the movement.

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_01x05

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_01x05_0

Degrassi Community School (Toby and JT are heading in.) Toby: 28 hours, 14 minutes, 7 seconds. 28 hours, 14 minutes... JT: Would you stop with the countdown please? Toby: Sure, you've got Parents' Day in the bag. JT: What? Ok, you Einstein. Me, brain-dead. Toby: I mean, your parents aren't homesuidal maniacs. JT: I thought Kate and Jeff were getting along great. Toby: I'm not talking about Kate. JT: Whoa. Your mom's coming tomorrow? Oh, man. I should sell tickets. Remember that time at camp when they both came to pick you up? Toby: Don't remind me. JT: Can't you just ask your mom not to come? Toby: Sure, if I want to start a nuclear custody war. JT: Maybe they won't start screaming this time. Toby: Yeah. Maybe Mr. Armstrong will your parents about the "D" on your last math test. JT: How much time do we have left? Toby: 28 hours, 13 minutes, and 17 seconds. 28 hours, 13 minutes, and 16 seconds. 28 hours, 13 minutes, and 15 seconds. Hall Toby: The way it works now is perfect. Every other weekend with my mom, the rest of the time with my dad. And as long as they don't have to talk to each other, everything's fine. JT: Sorry, man. I didn't know it was that serious. Toby: Yeah, well, it is that serious. JT: Hey, we could contaminate the water foundations with E coli, that way they'd have to shut down the school, right? Toby: There probably is E coli in the foundations. Mr. S: (as he's taking a drink) Actually, we test our water on a daily basis, boys. It's fine. (Bell rings.) Mr. Simpson's homeroom Mr. S: Ok guys, quiet down. (JT and Toby come in behind him) We don't have Ashley today, but we do have this week's News About Kids broadcast. Emma: Uh, NAK again. Mr. S: Em? Something you wanna share? Emma: No, Mr. Simpson. (She sits down) (Mr. Simpson turns on the tv. The NAK people appear on screen.) Ryan: Hi, I'm Ryan, and this is Nicole. And welcome to NAK: News About Kids. Today we'll be talking about that infests major cities everywhere Nicole: And we're not talking cockroaches, we're talking squeegee kids. Ryan: Stalking street corners, waiting to pounce on un suspecting cars. (Shows footage as he talks). Hijacking your hard-earned cash to waste on drugs and tattoos. (Shows Emma watching.) Nicole: Are squeegee kids legit or lazy? Are they using their "cool" trend for today's media saturated youth? Mr. S: Remember guys, you're here for media studies after lunch. (The students leave for class.) Manny: Em, it was just a TV show. Liberty: Squeegee kids are very annoying. Emma: No, squeegee kids are poor. They live on the street and wash windows. It's their living. Liberty: My father says that if another one of those ragamuffins tries to dirty up his window, he'll call the mayor. He knows the mayor. (Liberty walks away.) Emma: Last week NAK told us to join the army. What's tomorrow? A hole in the O-Zone is good because it makes a better tan? Imagine being a squeegee kid. Out in the cold, no school, no parents. Toby: No parents? Emma: Toby this isn't a joke. (Starts to walk backwards, so she bumps into Sean.) Manny: He stared right at you. Emma: Yeah, because I bumped right into him. Girls' Washroom (Ashley is at the mirror looking at her face. Paige and Terri come in.) Paige: Oh, here we go again. Ashley: Here we go what again? Paige: Every time NAK claims your airspace, you go all manic-depressive. Ashley: That is so not true. I just- look at this zit! Terri: That's a pore and Paige has a point. Ashley: Terri... Terri: I don't get why you gets so bothered. Everybody loves your morning announcements. Even Heather Sinclair said you were better than those lame-o NAK hosts. Paige: Oh, yeah, big accomplishment. They're total freaks. Terri: Heather even has an agent. You could totally get an agent. Paige: Heather Sinclair has an agent? With that overbite? Terri: See? Ashley's got the look and tv experience. It's perfect. Paige: Where would Ashley find an agent? Ashley: Guys, Toby is mom's a casting agent. Terri, you rock! (Ashley and Terri leave the bathroom. Paige stays behind to wash her hands. She is not happy.) Outside Toby: JT, come on. We've got to come up with an anti-parents plan. JT: What does it look like I'm doing? Toby: Uh, playing the seeds for a massive heart attack? JT: To plot evil, I need energy (Ashley + Terri come up to them) Ashley: Hey. Just the person I was looking for. Your mom's a casting agent, right? Toby: Yeah, so? Terri: So, is she coming to Parents' Day? Toby: Thank you, for reminding me. Ashley: Is that a yes? Toby: Yeah, why? Ashley: No reason. (They walk away.) JT: What was that about? Toby: I have no idea. (They go to a table where Manny and Emma are.) Manny: It's not like people really think about it. Emma: That's the thing. They don't us to think. They want us to become brain-dead NAK robots. Toby: What's with her? Manny: NAK rage, kind of like road rage. Emma: And the announcements? They have commercials. They're trying to buy our bran loyalty in homeroom. JT: Emma, who are you talking to? Emma: I could talk, or I could take action. (Emma leaves.) JT: Imagine being her for a day. Hall (Spinner is walking and talking with Paige.) Spinner: Ok, so then the guy goes, "What are you going to do for a face when the monkey wants its butt back?" (He laughs, but she doesn't.) What? You don't get it? The guy has a face like a monkey's butt? Paige: Spinner, do you think Ashley's prettier than me? Spinner: What? Paige: Because she's thinking about getting an agent (they sit down). Spinner: Oh, Ashley's getting an agent? I could totally see her on TV. Paige: What? And you couldn't see me? Spinner: I didn't say that. Paige: So you think that I could get an agent too, right? Spinner: Uh, yeah. Sure, why not? Ok, back to my joke. So then the guy goes...wait, is that the right word? Yeah, no, yeah, yeah. So, then the guy goes... (While he's talking, Paige isn't listening) Mr. Raditch's Office Emma: Mr. Raditch, could I talk to you about this morning's NAK broadcast? Mr. R: I'm all ears. Emma: NAK is totally bias. This morning they tell us squeegee kids suck, and then they tell us which running shoes to buy? It's wrong. Mr. R: How you seen the new computers in the Media Immersion lab? 18 computers thanks to NAK. In exchange, we show their morning broadcasts. Emma: Whatever they want to report? (Mr. R nods.) Emma: But that's bribery. Mr. R: No, it's 18 new computers we wouldn't have otherwise. Parents voted for it. And remember, not everyone at Degrassi has a computer at home. But, if you feel strongly about it, write an opinion piece. Make sure you get it in by 4:00. Make the Parents' Day addition. Emma: 4:00 today? Mr. R: Think you can do it? (The bell rings. Emma nods as she leaves.) Hall (Ashley and Terri are leaving class.) Ashley: So, I signed us up for the welcoming committee, Teri. Which means, I'll be the first person Toby's mother sees. Terri: Great. Paige: Unless she sees me first. Ashley: What? Paige: Well, I am helping out tomorrow. Ashley: Since when? Paige: Ashley, you asked me like, 3 weeks ago to volunteer, remember? Anyway, see you two later. Media Immersion. Manny: I can't believe the principal is asking you to do this. You're like, attacking the school. Emma: I know. It's very cool. (They go to sit down, but Sean's stuff is in a seat.) Manny: I'll stand. (Emma nods and sits down.) Emma: Ok, so let's try to imagine. You're a squeegee kid. Manny: Ok. I'm a squeegee kid. Emma: So how does it feel being compared to a cockroach? Manny: I'd say, "Hey, preppy kids. Get off my case. We're people, too." Sean: Oh, please. Emma: Could... We need the chair. (Sean gets up and leaves.) Emma: Talk about negative energy. Another part of Media Immersion Toby: Emma's right. I could whine or I could do something about Parents' Day. JT: Ok, so, what are you going to do? Toby: Convince my parents there's no need to show up. Ok, I downloaded the logo from the Degrassi website. Then, I scanned Mr. Simpson's signature from the last newsletter he sent home. It's a masterpiece. JT: Masterpiece or insanity. OK, your parents don't have to come because of your exemplary performance in all of your scholastic pursuits. What? Toby: Translation: I'm acing school. It's all in the details, my friend. This'll work. It has to. Hall (Emma is running to the newspaper office to hand in her story.) Emma: (knocks on the door) Liberty, my NAK editorial. I just finished. Liberty: (checking her watch) You're 17 minutes late. Emma: I'm sorry. Liberty: The Grapevine deadline is 4 P.M. I'm trying to run a professional operation. Emma: Even professional newspapers give extensions. It's 17 minutes. Liberty: I suppose I could make an exception for you. But, please try not to get used to it. Remember, as editor, I'm only as strong as my weakest link. (Emma gives her the disk and leaves.) Kerwin House (Toby is in the kitchen with his dad.) Toby: I was shocked more than anyone. Who knew I was doing so well? You know, this transfer to Degrassi has really... Jeff: "Uplifted Toby's grade classification to a premium standard." Interesting choice of words from Mr. Simpson. Toby: Well, you know, he's a computer guy. Writing isn't really his thing. Jeff: Neither is spelling. Two E's in premium. What's going on? Toby: Nothing's going on. Jeff: You don't want me to go to Parents' Day? Toby: I didn't say that. Jeff: You didn't need to. Are you doing that badly in school or what? Talk to me Toby. Toby: Mom called, ok? She wants to go tomorrow. Jeff: And she didn't even tell me. That is so typical of your mother. Toby: See? You guys can't even be in the same room without freaking out. Jeff: Toby. We're on much better terms now. It's not like it used to be. So, what you don't want to go? Toby: I want you to go and I want her to go. I just don't want the two of you to go there... together. Jeff: Hey, come on buddy. Everything's going to be fine. No fights. Promise. (Holds up his hand) Degrassi's Parents' Day (As parents head inside, the camera closes up on a sign that says "Welcome Parents to D.S.C Parents Day".) [SCENE_BREAK] Girls Washroom. (Ashley and Terri are in there. Ashley is trying to put on eyeliner.) Ashley: Look at me. I'm shaking. You do it. (Gives it to Terri, but Terri pokes her in the eye) Ow! Be careful. It's my eye. It's what I see with. Terri: Sorry. I'm not good at this. Paige: Ladies. (She comes out a stall wearing a yellow sparkly top that's very short) Ashley: What are you wearing? Paige: It's Parents Day. I have the right to look fabulous, don't I? Ashley: For who, the parents? Or Toby's mom? Paige: See you out there. (Paige leaves, then Ashley and Terri follow.) Hall (Toby and Jeff are waiting for Toby's mom.) Toby: Guess she forgot. Jeff: You know your mother. We'll give her two more minutes. Hey, tobs, it'll be fine. Ashley: Mrs. Demcowski? Room 102. Man: Thank you. (Toby's mom comes up to them.) Terri: Hi, can I help you? Ashley: Uh, Terri, this is Toby's mom, the casting agent. Welcome to Degrassi, Ms. Issacs. Annemarie: Hi. Paige: Can I just say that that is a great outfit? So avante garde. Annemarie: Thank you. Wholt Rentthrough. On Sale. Toby: Hi, mom. Annemarie: Hey, tiger. I'm sorry I'm late. Jeff: Annemarie. Flat tire? Annemarie: I could Toby that I might beheld up at work. Parents Day isn't over already, is it? Jeff: No, no. We'd better get moving though. Paige: Paige Michalchuk. It's very nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you. Ashley: Smooth, Michalchuk. I bet you're on the next flight to Hollywood. Paige: Hon, I'd re-think the eyeliner. You're looking a little washed out. Media Immersion. (Toby and his parents are in there, meeting with Mr. Simpson.) Mr. S: Uh, there's no doubt Toby is a bright kid, but, uh, he has trouble with details, particularly his spelling, some of the basic points of grammar. This tends to bring down his marks. For example, in Media Immersion, Toby could be at the top of his class if he just applied himself. Toby: "Apply" is such a relative term. Mr. S: Toby, come on. Your last media assignment was 3 days late. He's just not getting the results he should for someone so bright. Annemarie: 3 days late? Jeff: First I've heard of it. Toby? Annemarie: Jeff, I'm talking to you. This is Parents Day. You're the parent. Jeff: We're both the parents here and we'll discuss it later, ok? Annemarie: We will discuss it now. Why aren't you helping Toby get his work in on time? Why is he under achieving? Jeff: Toby and I will work it out. Thanks for bringing it to our attention. Hall Spike: I am so proud of you. Rave review after rave review. Emma: Mom, my editorial. (Tracker and Sean come out of a room.) Tracker: So you have to watch this video every morning? Free computers are free computers, man. What idiot wrote this? Emma: Excuse me, I wrote that. Tracker: Oh, sorry. Emma: Don't look at her. It's my piece and I'm right. Students shouldn't be force fed advertising while we're at school. If you don't get it, you're the idiot. Spike: Emma... Sean: Look, it's not that serious. Emma: What? Expressing my opinion isn't important? Sean: That's all my brother's trying to do. Emma: I could tell, and he's wrong. Tracker: I'm wrong? Tell me Emma, is it fair or is it wrong that Sean here is falling behind in school because we can't afford a computer? Emma: He can do his homework here. Tracker: What? Yeah, on the free computers. Emma: If you read the entire article, you would know... Tracker: That it's a piece of garbage. Emma: It is not garbage! Tracker: (crumples it up) Looks like garbage to me. Smells like garbage. Sean: Tracker, man... Tracker: All I'm saying is there is two sides to every story. Try to remember that next time. (Tracker and Sean leave.) Media Immersion. Mr. S: It was only once, but still, skipping a class even once at this grade level. Annemarie: What is going on here? Toby: One class. I got carried away in the computer lab. Annemarie: I thought moving in with you and June Clever was supposed to be good for Toby's grades, wasn't that the point? Jeff: What are you saying? Toby: Dad, come on. Annemarie: I'm saying that maybe we need to reassess Toby's living arrangements. Jeff: Don't threaten me. Annemarie: Hey that's your game. Jeff: What? And breaking commitments is yours? That's why Toby lives with me. Mr. S: Mr. and Mrs. Issacs. These are common problems for many students. Annemarie: So it's my fault? Jeff, let's not get into the reasons why I left, ok? Jeff: Reasons why you left? There's only one reason, Annemarie. Your career. Your career that meant so much more to you than we ever did. That's why Toby lives with me and he'll never.... Toby: Mom! Dad! Yeah, my assignment was late! Who's to blame? Video games! I'm telling you, they're destroying my generation. Annemarie: Toby, this isn't a joke. Toby: I'm not joking, ok? I don't have an excuse, but Dad can't do my homework for me or make sure I go to class. It's my life, right? So, it's my problem. Stop blaming each other and then using me as another excuse to argue. It's not fair. I'll try harder. I promise. Mr. S: Moving on. All right then. Let's take a look at some of the recent test results. Hall Ashley: Hey. How did it go in there? Jeff: Oh, it went okay. Toby just has to apply himself more. Annemarie: Yeah, we're gonna make sure he does his homework on time. But, it went okay. Paige: Toby, hon, that's so great. Annemarie: Honey, listen. I've gotta run. Toby: Gotta get back to work, huh? Annemarie: Yeah. But, hey, listen. Your message came in loud and clear back there. Toby, I'm really sorry. All this stuff between your dad and me, it's tough. Toby: I know. Annemarie: I love you so much. (They hug) Ashley, you have my permission to keep this monkey in line. Ashley: Oh, I will. Don't you worry. And it was a pleasure to see you again. An absolute joy. By the way- Paige: (gives Annemarie a picture of herself) Something to remember me by. (Annemarie sees Terri and gives Terri her card.) Annemarie: If you're interested in acting, give me a call. You have an interesting look. (Toby's mom leaves. Paige isn't happy that Terri got the card.) Classroom (Sean is in there doing work. Emma comes in. He moves his stuff so she can sit down. Emma sends Sean a message apologizing about what happened on Parents Day. The computer tells him he has a new message. He opens it and reads it.) Sean: I'm sorry too. Emma: I'm a little outspoken. It runs in the family. Sean: Maybe it's contagious. Did you hear my brother? Emma: "Looks like garbage." Sean: "Smells like garbage." It wasn't garbage. Emma: Thanks. Hall (Toby is walking when Mr. Simpson comes up to him.) Mr. S: Toby. Can I speak with you for a minute? Listen, yesterday.... Toby: I just want to apologize again for my parents' behavior. Mr. S: Oh, Toby, it wasn't your fault. Are they always like that? Toby: Only when they're together. Honestly Mr. Simpson, yesterday was good. It cleared a lot of air. Mr. S: I'm glad. Oh, listen, before I forget, next time you want to forge my signature, maybe you should spell my name correctly, and erase the file from the server. Toby: Mr. Simpson, I can explain. Mr. S: Good, why don't you start with a 10 page essay on why it's wrong to falsify documents, say by, um, tomorrow morning. And you know what? One final thing. Good work yesterday. Your parents should be proud of you. I certainly was.

With Parents' Day fast approaching, Toby tries to convince his divorced parents that the event is canceled in order to avoid an ugly, public spat between them. Meanwhile, Ashley and Paige vie for the attention of Toby's mom, who happens to be a casting agent. Emma is annoyed by the NAK (News About Kids) morning-announcements program, believing it to be biased. She then writes an opinionated paper about NAK, and gets into an argument with Sean and his brother about it.

fd_Alias_03x07

fd_Alias_03x07_0

(Cut to a strange congomeration of strangely colored winged birds and a strange angel statue, holding a bowl. Bells ring. Then a bright white light flashes and then dims to show a surgical light. We pan down to Sydney, waking on a stretcher in what could be something like an emergency room. She's dressed only in a white hospital gown and underwear. She sits up groggy, then stands up gingerly. She walks over to the door and tries to open it. It's locked. She bangs on the door with her hand.) Sydney (hoarsely): Hello! (She turns away from the window and starts to walk, looking around, then stops as a wave of pain hits her. She looks down. There's blood seeping through the hospital gown in the spot where her scar is now. She leans against a counter and lifts the hospital gown to reveal an angry seeping wound. She sticks her fingers inside the wound, pulling out the end of a thin plastic tube (think, the kind of thin plastic tube often used for aerators in aquariums) She holds up the end of the tube, shocked, her hand covered in blood. She starts pulling and more tubing comes out. It's freaking her out. She starts pulling faster and faster, but the tubing doesn't end. Blood is splashing everywhere, covering her, splashing the walls. She holds up a fistful of tubing and screams. We cut to a scene farther out. There is a pile of tubing at Sydney's feet in a puddle of blood. Blood is spattered all down her side, on her hands, her face, the wall behind her.) (Cut to Sydney, sitting up suddenly in bed, gasping and sweaty. She's had a nightmare. She's really freaked out, can barely breathe. She pulls up her tank top to reveal her healed scar. She fingers it, gasping and crying. She lies back on the bed, pulling the covers up to her neck, crying and gasping in anguish.) (Cut to Sydney walking through a set of double doors. US STAFFORD NAVAL HOSPITAL. She approaches the doctor who runs the “lost time” peer group. He notices her standing next to him as he hands a nurse a medical chart he's just signed.) Doctor: Oh, Sydney. (to nurse) Thank you. Nurse: Thank you, doctor. Doctor: Nice to see you. Sydney: I know that I haven't been to group in a while. Doctor: That's okay We have another session here tonight Sydney: I actually came here to talk to you about something else. Doctor: Is it your dreams? (Sydney nods.) Sydney: I've heard about a procedure used to recover lost memories: neurostimulation therapy. Doctor: Oh, Sydney before we discuss this, let's give group a chance Sydney: Some of those people have been that group for ten years, and none of them seem to be any closer to finding out what happened to them. Doctor: Well the point is to accept what's happened, that you may never remember, and in so doing, free yourself to move on. Sydney: With all due respect, the one thing that you don't know is what it feels like. You have clearance, so I can tell you that unlike anyone else in that group, there's a terrorist organization trying to find out the one thing that I can't remember. My point being, I don't have the luxury of waiting for acceptance. Doctor (walking): Come with me. (Sydney follows. Cut to look into the window of a padded cell. A man with a shaved head wanders around inside in a straitjacket.) Doctor: This is Kenneth Blake. He joined Central Intelligence in 1981. He was missing for five years finally turned up in a South Korean hospital with severe injuries and no memory whatsoever. Blake volunteered for the same procedure you're asking for. The procedure was carried out. Blake soon learned that he'd been in custody of the North Koreans all that time, exposed to torture so intense, so prolonged, that his conscious mind blacked it out. The invasive nature of the surgery left him with permanent brain damage. You should know, Sydney, that the National Security Council considers Blake a successful test case for neurostimulation therapy. (starting to get choked up) I'd consider death an option before this procedure. (Off Sydney's look, we cut to NOGALES, MEXICO. Children play soccer in the dirt street. Suddenly shooting breaks up the scene. Cut to a pair of feet running in the street. Pan up to a man's back as he runs by. Cut to reverse angle; we see two police officers chasing the man, shooting at him. Police cruisers block off the other direction and the man raises his hands. It's Javier Perez. He kneels while they handcuff him. Cut to Javier, sitting in a jail cell.) Police Chief (offscreen): You've been a busy man, Javier Perez. (Cut to Chief leaning against the wall of the cell, accompanied by another armed officer. He is looking in a file folder.) Chief: Epidemology lab in Cannes; Disease Control Ministry in Spain; Genetic engineering facility in Cuba (Cut to Javier as he sighs and leans his head wearily against the wall, closing his eyes. Cut back to Chief.) Chief: Do I turn you over to Cuba, to Spain, to France? To me there is no difference. For you, there is at least one significant difference: France and Spain do not believe in the death penalty. (Cut to Javier, worried and nervous. Cut back to Chief.) Chief: So here's where we help each other. You provide me with a bigger fish, say who commissioned you, for instance and I allow you to choose to whom I place my call. (Cut to Javier.) Javier: What if I told you that I had information that would be very interesting to the Americans? Regarding a Central Intelligence agent and a murder. (Cut to Chief, who laughs and looks at the other officer also laughing.) Chief: A CIA agent committing murder Hardly newsworthy. (Chief starts to walk away.) Javier: It is when its done on behalf of an international terrorist group and the target is a Russian diplomat. (Chief stops walking and looks back at Javier.) (Cut to aerial scene of LA by day. Cut to Dixon walking through the JTF.) Dixon (loudly): People, listen up! We've got non-cleared personnel en route! Deactivate the wireless network and put all secure servers on lockdown. I don't want to see anything on these screens more revealing than a weather map! (Cut to armed agents escorting a handcuffed man with a black drape over his head. Cut to an officer inside the JTF.) Officer: Level three security procedures in effect. All computer monitors and LCDs on safe mode. Routing PDX to administration. (Cut to hooded man and guards entering elevator. Cut to computer monitors as they all go to safe mode. Cut to the feet of the man and his guards entering the JTF. They're walking and enter the main rotunda area. Dixon stands waiting for them. Other agents gather also. Dixon nods, and the officers remove the man's hood, who's no longer hand cuffed. It's Arvin Sloane. Dixon walks toward him. They spend several moments staring each other down.) Sloane: I always knew you were destined for great things. (Dixon's only reaction is a tiny grimace and he swallows.) Dixon: Follow me. (They turn and enter the conference room, where everyone but Lauren and Vaughn are seated.) Sloane: Marshall (said kindly, smiling, as if happy to see him) Marshall: Mr. Sloane hi. It's been a while and a lot has happened. I mean, at first you were evil, now you're good so you claim not that I don't..trust you, it's just How are you? Sloane: Very happy to see you, Marshall. (He shakes Marshall's hand and sits down.) Dixon: Given the sensitive nature that Arvin Sloane is about to present to us, I thought it best if he did so here. Sloane: So, is everyone here? Dixon: Agents Vaughn and Reed are prepping a separate assignment under the direction of the NSC. (Cut to Jack and Sydney as they give each other curious looks.) Sloane: Ten hours ago, I had a meeting with Mr. Sark (cut to flashback) Sloane: I assume we're here because the Covenant requires something of me? (Sark pulls a mini disc case out of his coat and holds it out to Sloane.) Sark: Your new assignment (end flashback) Sloane: Seems the Covenant is no longer satisfied with using my organization merely as a front for their illegal activities. They've now tasked me an operation. (cut to Sydney's reaction then back to Sloane) Sloane: I presume you know what a maser is Marshall: You mean a microwave laser? Well, yeah (Both Sloane and Dixon turn to look at him.) Marshall (looking at Sloane): You, uh want me to explain ? Dixon: Marshall: Sloane has no authority in this room. Marshall: Sorry. I didn't mean to offend you, sir. I know you're definitely the main do you want me to ? Dixon: Yes. Marshall: It's a microwave that gets focused into a pinpoint beam, very similar to how light gets focused into a laser. Sloane: Tomorrow night, I'm scheduled to attend a charity function held by the Chinese Government at one of their Ministries The Covenant has acquired intelligence that China has designed a working maser unit, the prototype of which is held there. China intends to mount a maser array on one of their defense satellites. It is an assassination program. Weiss: Wait are you saying this weapon is capable of killing from space!? Jack: Pulse microwaves are capable of causing tissue damage, heart failure even brain hemorrhage. This weapon could make it appear as if the victim died of natural causes. You could imagine the potential threat if the Covenant were to acquire this technology. Sloane: I've been tasked to steal the maser's operating system, which is in the Chinese Defense Minister's office. Dixon: I want Strategic Services to review your plan, and I'll assign an agent to go along. Sloane: I'd presumed that would be the case. Therefore, I propose that Sydney accompany me to the function posing as my assistant, and then together we acquire the operating system, corrupt the maser, and pass along the faulty data to the Covenant That is, assuming the CIA still intends to use me as a double agent. Sydney: Why me? Sloane: Because this mission cannot be done alone. I will not risk my life unless I am going in with the best. Jack: Do you really imagine, given your history with Sydney, we would ever order ? Sydney (cutting Jack off): I'll go. (to Sloane) You know I don't trust you, and that I believe you have an endgame beyond this operation. But I also know that if we're caught, we'll be standing side by side in front of a Chinese firing squad, which means this time our interests are in line and if you betray me? I will just kill you myself. (Cut to Sloane's satisfied smirk. Cut to Black. End of Act One) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to Vaughn, arranging a file on his desk. Jack approaches him.) Jack: I understand you've been loaned out to the NSC Vaughn: Yeah. I leave for Mexico in an hour. Lauren requested me; she's briefing me en route. (Vaughn and Jack start walking) Jack: A contact of mine in Nogales informed me that Javier Perez was apprehended by Mexican authorities. (Vaughn stops walking and turns to face Jack.) Jack: I'm sure you remember him as part of the freelance team that Sydney infiltrated several weeks ago. Vaughn: Yeah, sort of He almost killed me. Jack: He's offered to trade information to the NSC in exchange for leniency. Our problem is this: He knows about Sydney that she murdered Andrian Lazarey under the alias Julia Thorne. You can imagine the consequences if he were to share this information with your wife. I think, Agent Vaughn, that you should tell her that you know the identity of the man you've been sent to interview and that conflict of interest requires both of you to remove yourself from this case. Vaughn: Are you asking me to interfere with my wife's investigation? Jack: Yes. Vaughn: No. I've kept the truth about Sydney from Lauren because Dixon ordered me to; a situation you orchestrated. Jack: You understand the consequences to Sydney if this information leaks out? Vaughn: Yes, of course I do Jack: The NSC will subject her to invasive brain surgery. Vaughn: Okay, stop. I don't need a lecture from you on the risks she faces. Jack: Then I don't understand your resistance. Vaughn: Because the NSC will send other operatives! Either way, they're gonna find out. Jack: It'll provide us the time to plan our next move. Vaughn: Look, I think it's safe to say that I know my wife a lot better than you do. Jack (dripping with sarcasm): I would hope Vaughn: Lauren may be our best chance of keeping this information from the NSC. Jack: And, Mr. Vaughn What if you're wrong? (Cut from Vaughn's reaction to Jack's reaction.) (Cut to Marshall, holding up what appears to be a retooled Matchbox car.) Marshall: Okay, it's the latest in cloaking technology. It's called optical camouflage. Now basically, if you take a look right here, it's surface is covered in microfilaments, which interpret the UV waves generated by its surroundings, which means that (places the car on his desktop and starts driving it across the top of his desk using the controls) once you drop it off in the Chinese Ministry, I will be able to guide it undetected past the security cameras to the central alarm controls, which I'll then deactivate, using the internal modem. (Cut to Sydney's reaction. She's amazed and impressed.) Sydney: So, once you disable the alarms, I'll be able to access the Minister's office where the maser is being kept. Marshall: Right. Once you get to the maser, you will access the motherboard, and then you will attach this (Holds up a cellular phone.) to the EPROM chip. Now, press one and you'll be connected to me, and I will access the maser's operating system and corrupt it and then (taking off the back of the phone's case to show Sydney the inside), a copy of the corrupted version will be stored onto this. (Holds up a small memory card.) Sydney: Which I will give to Sloane to pass on to the Covenant. Marshall: Right. (Stops, looks around) Actually where did the car go? (Puts down the cell phone and starts looking around the desk.) (Cut to black. BEIJING. Push through the N. A night pan of the city. Cut to Sydney dressed in a long black evening gown (could be a two piece skirt/shirt set, hard to tell) and Sloane in a tux, waiting in line to pass through a metal detector.) Sloane: By the way you look beautiful. Sydney (giving Sloane a dirty look): Spare me! (Sydney and Sloane walk through the metal detectors. Sydney's goes off. She immediately hands her small black purse to the guard, who opens it to reveal a metal makeup case. He zips it back up and hands it to her.) Sydney (in Chinese): Thank you. Guard (in Chinese): Thank you. Sloane: I would encourage you to take my arm if we are going to bluff our way through this (Sydney's face says it all. She finds that idea about as appealing as having teeth extracted forcefully. Very reluctantly, she takes his arm and smiles at a passerby. Cut to Sloane and Sydney entering the ballroom. Cut to the orchestra, cut to dancers, cut to Sydney as she surveys the guards in the room. Sloane looks at Sydney and then at a Chinese man wearing a tux and a sash, who waves at Sloane. Sloane and Sydney approach him.) Minister: Mr. Sloane, we're honored you could attend. Sloane: The honor is mine, Minister Woo. And this is my Executive Assistant, Christina Myers. Minister: A pleasure. (nods his head toward her) Sydney: Pleasure (she smiles at him) Minister (to Sloane): Your organization's compassionate work is the model of humanitarian achievement. Sloane: Thank you. Thank you. (turns to Sydney) Ms. Myers, would you give us a moment please? I have a private matter to discuss with the Minister? Sydney: Certainly. (She flashes the Minister a big smile. He nods and smiles at her and she turns and walks away. The Minister watches her leeringly as she leaves.) Minister: Your assistant is lovely. I presume she does more for you than type? Sloane: Oh, our relationship is strictly professional. Minister (doesn't believe him): Of course. (Cut to Sydney, entering the bathroom. She takes out the metal makeup case while she waits for another woman to finish primping. The other woman leaves and we see Sydney opening a lipstick tube and rolling it up. The door closes behind the woman, and Sydney pulls the top off the lipstick to reveal the camera lens for the Invisicar. She opens the make up case, removes the top and underneath is the rest of the Invisicar. Cut to Sydney leaving the bathroom. She takes a champagne glass and sits down in a chair on the edge of the room, near the hallway. Surreptitiously, she leans down to place the Invisicar onto the rug next to her chair. She speed dials a number on her phone and waits.) Marshall (over telephone): Hello! Sydney: You're on. (Cut to Marshall and Dixon on comms in Marshall's office.) Marshall: Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines! (Marshall starts moving the joystick. Cut to the car as it starts to move and we see it blend into its surroundings. All we can see are the wheels moving underneath the shield because the camera's at floor level. Cut to Marshall's view from the cam attached to the side of the Invisicar as he steers through the feet of people in the hallway.) Marshall (steering the car): Okay Dixon: Promise me again that they won't hear it. Marshall: The noise output is .04 dbs, which is inaubible to the human ear, sir. A cockroach thinks louder than this car. (Marshall continues to steer the car, finds a pair of military boots walking and follows behind them.) Marshall: Looks like a nice party All right we'll follow this guy. It looks like he knows where he's goin. Security. (Cut to Sydney, sitting in a chair with her champagne glass, checks her watch. Sloane approaches her and sits in the seat next to hers.) Sloane: Are you all right? Sydney: As long as Marshall can shut down the security system. Sloane: You know, Sydney we should dance? Sydney: Like hell. Sloane: The minister assumes we're sleeping together. Despite my protests, he remains unconvinced. Sydney: I could care less. Sloane: Well, neither would I if he wasn't constantly looking in my direction Normally I would suggest we remain discrete. I suggest we feign an argument on the dance floor that will give you sufficient time to slip away. And, Sydney, given the way you feel about me (he smirks) I doubt it would take much acting on your part. (He stands and puts his hand out to her.) Sloane: So, my dear Shall we? (Sydney reluctantly puts her hand in his and stands.) (Cut to the security guard the Invisicar is following as he walks down a hallway.) Dixon (voiceover): We have to get to the security room. (Cut to Marshall and Dixon.) Marshall: All right. Following him. (Cut to guard, turning a corner. Cut to video from the car as it fails to negotiate the turn and bumps into the wall.) Marshall: Oooh sorry, sir. (Marshall makes the turn. The guard is now several feet ahead of the car.) Dixon: Hurry up. (Cut back to Sloane and Sydney as they begin to waltz around the dance floor. Cut back to the view from the Inviscar as the guard turns another corner ahead of it.) Dixon: Marshall follow that guard. Turn to the right. Marshall: Okay, you got it. (The Invisicar gets to the end of the hallway and turns to see the guard about to access a door.) Dixon: Good. He's approaching the security control room. (Dixon sits down next to Marshall, watching the monitor.) Dixon: Hurry! Marshall: Petal to the metal, sir. (The car whizzes forward as we see on the monitor that the door is opened and the guard starts to step inside. The door is starting to close it looks close, but the car makes it inside before the door shuts.) Dixon: Eaaaassssyyyy . Marshall (as the car makes it through the door): Piece of cake, sir. (Dixon nods as Marshall moves the car about the room. Cut to the security guard as he greets the other one who is watching the monitors. The guard sits also. Cut to the Invisicar as it stops near a desk.) Dixon: Hurry Marshall under the desk! Marshall: Yeah, yeah, I got it. (The car backs up and turns and then slides under the desk.) Dixon: Well done. Marshall: Okay, now I will activate the RF modem and hack into the security system. (Screens pop up on the monitor, as Marshall works.) Marshall: Okay, alarms are down surveillance is off. (Cut to security guards as their monitors show nothing but static.) Guard: The security is down. Give me a minute. (Tries to fix the display to no avail.) Marshall: Should take them weeks to get back online maybe even months. (Cut to Sloane and Sydney waltzing. Sydney's cell phone rings. They stop dancing as she answers it.) Sydney: Hello? (pause, listening) Thank you. (She turns off her cell phone and puts it away.) Sydney: Marshall says the security system is shut down. Sloane: Well, then I propose you make this fight look real. (Sydney screws up her face and then slaps Sloane hard across the face. Sloane holds his face as Sydney stalks off. The Minister was watching and appears amused.) (Cut to a jeep driving down a dirt road. MEXICO. Cut to reveal Vaughn driving. Pan to Lauren in the passenger side. They slow and stop the jeep as they see a boy on the side of the road. He appears unconscious, his bicycle lying on top of him.) Lauren: Oh, God It's a boy. (Vaughn and Lauren get out of the jeep and begin to approach the boy. Suddenly the boy jumps up, gets on his bike and starts to ride away. Vaughn realizes suddenly this is a set up.) Vaughn (urgently): Get back in the car! (Suddenly men from every direction appear from the brush, brandishing guns. The leader of the group walks forward.) Leader (in Spanish): Hands up. Now! (The members force Vaughn and Lauren to kneel in the street with their hands up.) Vaughn (in Spanish): We have 500 dollars. Take it! (One of the group rushes forward and hits Vaughn hard in the head with the butt of his rifle, giving him a bleeding gash.) Leader (in Spanish): Keep your mouth shut. (The members tie Vaughn and Lauren's hands behind their back. The leader steps away from them, places a phone call.) Leader: We have them. (Cut to a fan blowing. In the background is a blurry figure of a man speaking (with Jack's voice)) Jack: The payment will be left in the confessional of the Sun on the Hill church, as instructed. Hold them for at least two hours, then let them go. (Leader nods, and turns off his cell phone, turning back to face Vaughn and Lauren.) Leader: Vamonos, muchachos! (The other members drag Vaughn and Lauren up, forcing them to move. Cut to Javier Perez, watching as two men speak at the doorway of the police station. He watches as a man with his back to Javier hands a large roll of cash to the police chief. The chief hands Jack the keys and then strolls out of the station, closing the door behind him. Javier watches carefully as the man starts to approach. He backs up, frightened as he sees the man approach him .It's Jack Bristow and he doesn't look happy. Cut to black. End of Act Two.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to Sydney locking the bathroom door. She strips off her long black evening gown to reveal a black catsuit underneath. She hides the evening gown underneath the sink. She turns on her comm. link.) Sydney: Marshall, I'm goin' in. (Cut to Dixon.) Dixon: Copy that. Security systems are off-line. You're cleared for entry. Keep your face covered. You can't afford to be recognized. (Cut to Sydney putting on a black ski mask that leaves only her eyes visible. (same kind of mask they used in the SD-6 raid) She enters the Minister's office, sets her cell phone on a table in the room. She finds the hidden safe behind some wood paneling. Sydney uses a lock descrambler that appears to be some sort of makeup case. The lock unhitches and she opens the door.) Sydney: Checking for sensors we're good. (Sydney removes a large metal case from the safe and places it on the table. She opens the case. Inside is the prototype maser. She removes it from the case, removes its outer cover, removes the back cover of her cell phone and connects the cell phone to the motherboard of the maser.) Sydney: Okay, Marshall uplink established. (Cut to Marshall and Dixon.) Marshall: Copy that, Mountaineer give me two seconds to corrupt the code (Cut to Chinese guards. One of the security camera feeds flashes to life for a split second and loses picture again, but the feed is from the Minister's office. In that split second we could see Sydney in the room.) Guard #1 (in Chinese): What was that? (Cut to Marshall and Dixon) Marshall: Uh oh Dixon: What's the matter? Marshall: Security system's back online. I don't know how they did it, but it's up. Dixon: Well, can you get it back off-line? Marshall: Give me two seconds (Cut back to security room. The security screens remain off, but Guard #1 is convinced he saw something.) Guard #2 (in Chinese): I didn't see anything. (Guard #1 gets up with his gun drawn. Guard #2 follows him. Cut to Dixon.) Dixon: Sydney, you may have been compromised. Get out of there. (Cut to Sydney) Sydney: Marshall, how much longer? (Cut to Dixon) Dixon: No! Get out of there now! (Cut to Sydney) Sydney: How long!? Marshall (over comms): Just give me one minute. (Sydney hears the guards coming. She runs over to the window and grabs a rope tieback from the drape. As the two guards enter the room, she kicks them so they fall back into each other. She uses the rope to knock the first guard's gun out of his hand. She kicks the gun out of the other's hand. She uses the rope to wrap around one of their legs to yank him off his feet. She turns to fight the other. He ends up trying to punch her. She grabs his fist and flings him over her shoulder. Cut to Marshall and Dixon listening worriedly on comms. Cut back to Sydney. One guard grabs a ceremonial sword off the wall and tries to attack her with it. Sydney evades the sword, knocking a wooden arm off a piece of furniture. He goes to slice her with the sword and she blocks with the wooden armpiece and then hits him in the face with it. The other guard jumps at her, knocking the wood out of her hand and causing her to fall over. She falls next to a small table with a pair of sais on them (the special three pronged long knives that Elektra used in Daredevil). She grabs them and fights off the first guard (the one with the sword). The other guard gets up, also with a sword now. Sydney is in the middle of the two guards, fighting off both of them with a sai in each hand. She does this very cool windmill move with her sais which throws both men off balance so she can kick one and elbow the other. The one she kicks comes back first and she trips him with a sai to the boot. The other guard comes running at her. She takes out his sword, flips the sai in her hand so the butt end of the sai is up and punches him in the face with it, then roundhouse kicks him in the chest when he's down. The other guard gets up and charges her. He takes out both sais so they are fighting hand to hand. She punches him in the face, kicks him and then does this completely awesome kick where she almost runs up his front, kicks him and does a back flip. She lifts her mask and says over comms) Sydney: Marshall, are you done? (Cut to Marshall) Marshall: Yeah, go, go, go! (Cut to Sydney, her mask up around her forehead. She checks her cell phone and detatches it, pulls her mask back on and takes off.) (Cut to Lauren, Vaughn and the police chief entering the police station.) Chief: You are very lucky they let you go. Crime on the highways has become an embarrassment. If you'd like to file a report, I will see that it receives the highest priority Lauren: No, thank you. We'd like to extradite Mr. Perez as soon as possible. Chief: Very well. (grabs cell keys) This way (They walk toward the jail cell. Pan in the cell from feet hanging upward. Perez is hanging from a homemade noose in the cell. Cut to Vaughn and then Lauren's reaction.) Chief: Aye is me. (does the sign of the cross) Vaughn: Who else has been to see Mr. Perez since he arrived here? Chief: No one. I am truly sorry you came this way for nothing. (Lauren looks at Vaughn. He looks away, looking very upset, as if he believes something is up, and he knows why.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to a limousine driving down a Chinese highway. Cut to inside the limo. Sloane sits on one side, Sydney on the other. She removes the backing to her cell phone and removes the memory chip.) Sydney: You'll give this to the Covenant. It contains the corrupted copy of the operating system. The Covenant will track it back to the Chinese prototype, which has also been corrupted. They won't suspect that you've betrayed them. (Sydney turns and looks out the window, her hand on her forehead as if she's nursing a headache.) Sloane (smiling wryly and nodding): I see. I wonder how many times your handler said something like that to you before you were about to give me something like this? A small object of tremendous value that I asked you to steal for SD-6 that you then rendered useless in order to prevent its exploitation by the Alliance. Sydney (still looking out the window, sarcastically): It happened on occasion. Sloane: There was a time you trusted me Sydney: That was before I knew who you were That was before I knew who I was Sloane: Oh, no, it was more recent than that. The day you were found in Hong Kong, your resurrection, as it were this letter arrived at my office. (He removes a letter from inside his coat jacket and holds it out for Sydney. She takes it from him to look at it.) Sloane: My analyst confirmed what I recognized instantly, what I'm sure you'll verify on your own the handwriting is yours. (Cut to a close up of the letter addressed to Sloane in Sydney's handwriting. She opens it and finds a small manila key envelope that says “For Sydney” on it. She opens that and finds a key and a small piece of paper with a set of numbers on it.) Sloane: I'd never seen that code before. I didn't want to offer it to anyone else. Unfortunately, I couldn't decipher it myself. But since those items were once in your possession, I thought you might want them back. (Sydney stares at the key in her hand and then at the code.) (Cut to aerial shot of LA by day. Inside the JTF center, Vaughn approaches Jack.) Vaughn (walking by him as he speaks through gritted teeth, not slowing down, his voice full of repressed anger): Let's talk. Jack (in falsely innocent voice): Of course. (Jack follows Vaughn into the conference room and closes the door.) Vaughn: You killed Javier Perez, you son of a bitch! Jack: You've just returned from a traumatic experience, Mr. Vaughn, you're understandably emotional which would explain your baseless accusation. Vaughn (visibly angry): You're right, I am emotional. I get that way when I see a gun pressed to my wife's temple! Jack (so completely unimpressed that he's almost amused): Ours is a risky business (Jack starts to walk away, but turns back when Vaughn starts to speak again.) Vaughn: Armed rebels take us hostage and then let us go out of the kindness of their hearts? You didn't think I'd see through that!? Jack (his face still carefully blank, but his voice is slightly more annoyed): Thankfully you were graced by a stroke of luck. Vaughn (starting to get up in Jack's face now, very angry): You really expect me to believe that a man on the verge of bartering for his freedom just decided to hang himself!? Jack (annoyed now): Mr. Perez had a price on his head. He most likely knew his days were numbered (angry voiced now, almost yelling) What part of this doesn't have a rational explanation!? (Vaughn grabs Jack by the lapels of his jacket and shoves him roughly up against the wall, snarling at him, eyes flashing) Vaughn: If you ever put my wife's life in danger again, I will kill you! (Jack and Vaughn stare each other down for a moment before we focus in on Jack's face. He's shaking with controlled anger. Through gritted teeth, he spits out ) Jack: Then perhaps you finally understand the moral compromises you'll make when someone you love is in danger (Jack shoves Vaughn away from him roughly. They stare at each other for another second and then Jack turns on his heel and stalks from the room, leaving Vaughn to glare at his receding back. This last comment obviously hit some kind of nerve with Vaughn. Cut to black. End of Act Three.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Slide cut to Lauren in a parking garage, getting into her car. She tries to start her car, but it won't start. After trying a couple of times, she sighs, she pops the trunk and gets out. She opens the hood and finds that something's unattached (sorry, not a car buff I don't know what it is). She reconnects it and starts to close the hood when we hear a clicking noise. Pan out to Sark, holding a gun to the back of Lauren's neck.) Sark: Get in the car please (Lauren carefully puts the hood down on her car and gets into the driver's seat. Sark gets into the backseat, still pointing the gun at her head.) Sark: I've jammed the feed of the CCTV cameras, so let us speak freely. You know who I am? Lauren: Yes. (she looks up in the rearview mirror at him) Sark: I understand your investigation into the Lazarey murder has hit a dead end. What a pity Lauren: How do you know about that? Sark: I know because I framed Javier Perez, assuming he'd be extradited to the United States, and that once he was in custody, he'd be forced to confess what he knows namely, the identity of Andrian Lazarey's murderer. Lauren: This is the second time I've had a gun put to my head; I don't particularly like it. Now, I'm going to assume that if you wanted me dead, I would be; so if you have something to tell me, do it! (Sark smirks in admiration of her guts, then grabs a portfolio and hands it to her. Lauren takes it, looking at him questioningly in the rearview mirror.) Sark: A wedding present. A touch informal, I know, but everything else on your registry was taken. (beat) Open it. (Lauren opens the portfolio to a series of black and white photographs. They are photos of Lazarey's murder.) Lauren: Where did you get these? Sark: Where is not important. What is important is who. (Lauren begins to slowly look through the photographs as Sark speaks.) Sark: Her name is Julia Thorne, merely an alias. She goes by another name, a name you're quite familiar with (Lauren flips to the next picture. It is a close up of “Julia's” face, clearly proving that she is Sydney Bristow.) Lauren (shocked, mortified): Oh, my God Sark: Now you should understand why I'd risk coming to you like this. I recently learned that Sydney Bristow murdered a father I never had a chance to know. (Cut to Lauren's face, openmouthed in complete shock at learning Sydney is Julia Thorne.) Sark: I suspect you have your own reasons for disliking her; therefore I'm confident that you'll relay this information to the appropriate parties. (Sark opens the car door, then stops.) Sark: By the way I've rigged a weight sensitive charge to the underside of this vehicle. Once I leave you, I'll activate it. If you attempt to get out of the car before thirty minutes has elapsed, the charge will detonate. (pause) It has been a pleasure, Ms. Reed. (Sark gets out of the car. Lauren's face shows a mixture of apprehension, and anger. Sark stands in front of the hood and uses a device to activate the charge. He nods and walks off.) (Cut to more of Sydney's dream. Multicolored birds flying, the angel statue with the pitcher and plate. She is awakened from the dream by the ringer of her cell phone. She's on the CIA jet flying back to LA.) Sydney (slightly out of breath and panting from the aftereffects of her dream): Hello? (Cut to Jack at JTF Center) Jack: It's me. (Cut to Sydney) Sydney: Dad Jack (voiceover): Are you all right? You sound upset. Sydney: Yeah no, I'm fine. Did you receive my transmission? (Cut to Jack) Jack: Yes. Sloane gave you a key, which he claims was sent to him some time before you woke up in Hong Kong. (Cut to Sydney) Sydney: Yeah, his claim was pretty convincing it was written in my handwriting. (Cut to Jack) Jack: The cyphertext as well? (Cut to Sydney) Sydney: Yes. Why? (Cut to Jack) Jack: Remember when I told you that during the time you were missing, I contacted your mother? That ciphertext was encoded using a method that she devised. (Cut to Sydney) Sydney: What does this mean? That I was in contact with Mom during the two years I was gone? (Cut to Jack) Jack: If that's true, she failed to mention it during our last communication. (Cut to Sydney) Sydney: Can you break the code? Jack (voiceover): Yes, I learned the code from your mother last year. (Cut to Jack) Jack: It's an address in Rome: 1124 Piazza Barberini, the penthouse apartment does that mean anything to you? (Cut to Sydney, shocked) Sydney: No. Jack (voiceover): I had a local contact pull up the property record. (Cut to Jack) Jack: The apartment was purchased a year ago. The buyer chose to remain anonymous. (Cut to Sydney) Jack (voiceover): Get some rest. (Cut to Jack) Jack: When you get back, you and I will go to Rome together. (Cut to Sydney) Sydney: Okay. (Cut to Vaughn, running out into the parking garage. An agent talking on the telephone puts out a hand as to signal he should slow down. He slows, sees Lauren's car lit up with bright lights and yellow caution tape surrounding it. The bomb squad is there; they are taking pictures of the scene. Pan over to a spot about 30 feet away, where Lauren is standing next to a pillar, her arms crossed, looking out into the darkness of the empty parking garage. As soon as Vaughn spots her, he goes running toward her. As he approaches, Lauren turns slightly. He wraps his arms tightly around her, letting out a sigh of relief. She holds him as well.) Vaughn (anguished): Are you all right? Lauren: Yes. Vaughn (still out of breath and worried): Did he hurt you? (Lauren shakes her head no. Vaughn pulls back.) Lauren (looking down, whispers): No (Vaughn runs a hand down the side of her face.) Vaughn: I am so sorry (his face hardens slightly, more determined) We'll find him. (Lauren looks at him. For a moment she looks uncertain, then she says, bitterness lacing her voice.) Lauren: He told me that Julia Thorne is really Sydney Bristow (Instantly a look of guilt and remorse floods Vaughn's face. He swallows hard and takes an infinitesimal step backward. Lauren looks down and shakes her head, almost it tears.) Lauren (painfully): I wasn't sure if you knew now I know (Vaughn turns and walks away from the men working on Lauren's car, pulling her along with him.) Vaughn (intensely, trying to explain): I was under orders not to say anything, just as you were. Lauren: Whose orders!? Vaughn: Dixon's. Lauren (indignant): Dixon knows!? Vaughn: Yes. Lauren: And Jack, Weiss everyone!? (They stop walking. Vaughn turns to face Lauren.) Vaughn: That's not the point! Lauren: It's exactly the point! (Cut to Lauren's face. She's angry, hurt, feeling betrayed by everyone.) Lauren (emotionally): Everyone at that office kept secret from the NSC the one thing I've been desperately trying to learn! How long have you known!? Vaughn: (pauses and then) Three weeks. Lauren: For three weeks you've been trying to derail my investigation! Vaughn: Lauren, Sydney doesn't remember any of it Lauren (cutting Vaughn off angrily): Do not defend her to me! Vaughn: I am explaining why Dixon issued the Lauren (cutting him off again, pain lacing her face and voice): I am your wife! You kept Sydney's secret from me! You protected Sydney over me; something I refuse to do with you! Vaughn: It's not that simple! (A look of almost fear passes across Lauren's face.) Lauren (softer, painfully): Do you still love her? Vaughn (angrily): Oh, damn it! That's not what this is about! She is [/i]not my wife[/i]! (Lauren stares at him pain in her eyes. She wants to believe him. She nods just slightly as if saying she understands.) Vaughn (still upset, less angry, more earnestly): You can't punish her for the fact that she and I had a past. If you report this to Lindsay Lauren, he's gonna want to know everything she did over those two years Lauren: As well he should. Vaughn: Look, the only way to access her memory is through a dangerous, invasive procedure that Lauren (cutting him off): I'm aware of the procedures, none of which they would force on a US agent. Vaughn: Lazarey was a Russian diplomat. All Lindsay has to do is form an extradition agreement with the Russians and she will be shipped to Moscow where she has no rights as an American. He'll run the procedure there. (Lauren shakes her head. She doesn't want to believe what she's hearing could be true.) Lauren: He can't do that She's a CIA operative Vaughn: Think about it! You know better than anyone, Lindsay will not hesitate to break the rules. (Lauren looks down. What Vaughn is saying is starting to sink in. Worry and fear begins to bloom on her face.) Vaughn: If he learns about this, Sydn (Vaughn stops talking when he sees the look on Lauren's face. She looks afraid and guilty. Realization dawns on Vaughn's face. He stares at her in shocked disbelief.) Vaughn (hoarsely): Oh God, Lauren you already reported her. (Lauren's pain also becomes hard edged.) Lauren: You followed your orders I followed mine. (Panic blossoms on Vaughn's face. He stares at Lauren with a “How could you do this?” expression and takes off in a run.) Lauren (calling after him): Michael (He doesn't stop or look back. Lauren blinks back tears, looking away from his retreating form and then back, pained and shocked that he would just take off like that.) (Cut to the CIA plane landing in LA. Cut to Sydney, walking inside the airport terminal, carrying a small bag of luggage. Her telephone rings. She retrieves her phone from her coat pocket.) Sydney: Hello? Vaughn (voiceover): Sydney, it's me. Don't go home; the NSC knows everything. (Cut to Vaughn in the JTF on his cell phone.) Vaughn: Meet me at terminal one. I'll explain everything once I pick you up. (Cut to a car driving down a road behind a chain link fence.) Sydney (voiceover, breathless with worry): How the hell did they find out? Vaughn (voiceover): Sark told Lauren. (Cut to Sydney and Vaughn inside the car.) Sydney (gasping): [I[Sark!?[/i] (She puts a hand to her head nervously.) Vaughn: I have a plane waiting for you at the Dover airfield. It will take you anywhere, but you have to tell me where you want to go someplace you know well, so you can disappear Sydney: If the NSC wants to find me, they will. Look, I was someone else for two years, Vaughn someone I don't even remember! What am I supposed to do now, just spend the rest of my life in hiding? Vaughn: Between that and a lobotomy, there isn't a choice! Sydney: I can't keep running forever Vaughn: I'll do everything I can to make sure you won't have to. (Sydney looks at Vaughn with renewed resolve) Sydney: Rome. I'm going to Rome. (Vaughn takes out his cell phone and starts dialing a number. Cut to Vaughn's car pulling up in front of the small airfield. Sydney and Vaughn climb out, Vaughn's still talking on his cell phone.) Vaughn (in Italian): Thank you. (Vaughn hangs up and meets Sydney on the passenger side of the car.) Vaughn: There's a café a the corner of Via del Corso and Via Condotti Café Ruby. There's a payphone with a false bottom; you'll find money and a new passport. Sydney: Good thing I'm already packed (She's trying to make this moment easier lighter, but its not working the pain shows on her face.) Vaughn: You should go. (Pain shows on Vaughn's face, too. He's trying to hold it together, be strong for her, but his eyes tell her this is affecting him.) (Sydney looks down for a moment. Tears gather in her eyes. She looks back up to meet his eyes.) Sydney (an almost whisper, pained, grieving, baring her inner thoughts with Vaughn for perhaps the first time since she's been back): Vaughn why are you doing this? My life is already a disaster now yours is, too. (She's trying not to cry.) (Vaughn follows suit. His eyes are full of pain, grief, sorrow, and yes, love. His voice is soft, honest, increasingly emotional.) Vaughn: What happened between us everything the way it is isn't anyone's fault, Sydney. (Cut to Sydney's face. Tears pool up in her eyes. She looks as if she could break down crying at any moment.) Vaughn (voiceover): And even though everything's changed (Cut to Vaughn. He shakes his head slightly. His eyes are so full of his emotions. He looks pained, grief stricken and loving.) Vaughn (his voice hoarse from emotion): some things don't. (Cut to Sydney. She bites her lip and looks down, tears about to roll down her cheeks. Cut back to Vaughn who has the same intent look on his face.) Vaughn (choked up): I'm not gonna lose you twice. (Cut to Sydney. She closes her eyes. Hearing this hurts so much but it's a good hurt. For the first time, she knows that he still loves her, that she's still important to him and she needed to hear this. She looks up at him, tears overflowing, and searches his face, as if looking for confirmation there that he's meant what he said. She steps forward and puts her arms around him. Vaughn puts his arms around her, holds her, closing his eyes and burying his face in her hair. Cut to Sydney. As she feels his arms close around her, she closes her eyes. Cut back to Vaughn. His eyes are still closed. He moves his hand from her hair to her shoulder in an almost reverent way, savoring every last moment of her in his arms. Finally, they pull apart, overcome with emotion. Their heads are so close together. Cut to Sydney as she pulls out of his hug. She sighs, looks at his lips and for a fleeting moment, leans slightly toward him before pulling back. Her eyes are so full of love for him, its obvious she's struggling against these emotions, to not give in to what she wants, because she knows he's not hers anymore. Cut to Vaughn. He's full of these same emotions and has a similar reaction. He stares at her lips and leans slightly forward, wanting so badly to kiss her He waits, doesn't make the final move. Cut to Sydney. Love and pain blend so seamlessly in her face. Then she swallows, tries to gather up her courage, and she pulls back from him slightly, sobbing, nodding, almost as if in silent acknowledgment an “I wanted to, too ”) Sydney (in a choked whisper): Thank you (Vaughn straightens up. Pain blossoms on his face, as if he knows she was right to pull back, but part of him didn't want her to. Also, he realizes he's about to lose her all over again. He nods slightly as if to say, “Okay, I understand. Let's do what we have to do.” He leans down and picks up her bag for her. She is still trying to get a handle on her emotions, sobbing quietly and blinking back her tears. Vaughn straightens, schooling his features to be strong for her. She sees this, and smiles sadly. She bends her head a little and walks away. The moment Sydney is past him, Vaughn closes his eyes briefly in pain. Cut to a wide-angle shot of Sydney walking away, leaving Vaughn to watch her go. Cut to black. End of Act Four.) [SCENE_BREAK] (ROME. Push through the M. A scene of Rome at night. Cut to Sydney as an antique type elevator stops on a floor and lets her out.) Sydney (to elevator attendant): Grazie. (Sydney walks down the hallway toward the apartment, passing an Italian man speaking on a cell phone. He passes her and keeps walking until he gets to the staircase. Then he stops, turns, and looks back at Sydney.) (Cut to helicopter flyover of LA by day.) Dixon (voiceover): Sydney didn't check in this morning (Cut to Dixon in the JTF center, speaking to someone) Dixon: and she's not answering her cell phone. (Cut to Vaughn, trying to remain passive faced. Dixon is obviously speaking to him.) Dixon (voiceover): Do you know where she is? Vaughn: I don't know. (Cut to Jack, who's standing next to him. He gives Vaughn's face an assessing look, as if he knows something is up. Vaughn glances at Jack for a split second. Lauren walks up from behind them, giving Vaughn a hard look, as if saying she knows what he's done, before turning toward Dixon and giving him her full attention. Her arms are crossed and her chin is tilted upward slightly in a gesture of defiance. Cut to Vaughn, meeting her eyes. There's pain and a bit of betrayal in his eyes, as well as a bit of apprehension, as if this is the first time he's had to face her since running away from her in the parking garage the night before.) Lauren: Director Dixon, I need to speak with you in your office, please. (Dixon looks from Lauren's face to Vaughn's, slightly taken aback, but answers politely.) Dixon: Of course. (Cut to Vaughn, glancing again at Lauren. Now his apprehension is growing, as if his look says, “Oh God now what has she done?” Lauren gives him another hard look before stalking off. Vaughn watches her leave, his face a mixture of regret, pain, irritation, anger. He aims a sullen look at Lauren's back. Once Lauren is out of earshot, Jack addresses him. His tone is a bit more civilized and respectful than he usually uses with Vaughn.) Jack: The NSC knows that Sydney is responsible for Lazarey's murder, don't they? (Vaughn just stares at him, not answering.) Jack: I presume you're the one who helped her disappear last night (Vaughn still doesn't answer Jack, but his eyes tell the story. Vaughn's jaw is slightly clenched stubbornly, as if he's expecting to get reamed out by Jack at any moment.) Jack: Tell me, what else are you willing to do to see Sydney through this? (At the mention of Sydney's name, Vaughn gets a momentary faraway look in his eyes, blinking rapidly. But just as quickly, the look is gone, completely replaced by a defiant “Balls of Steel! Vaughn” look. Meeting Jack's eyes head on, he says ) Vaughn: What did you have in mind? (Cut to Dixon and Lauren entering Dixon's office. Lauren still has her arms crossed, but there's less defiance in her stance now. She's still strong, but not looking forward to what she's about to do.) Dixon (gesturing to the couch): Please, sit. Lauren: No, thank you. (beat) Director Dixon (Dixon stops and turns to face her.) Lauren: You have always been direct and fair with me, which is why I take no pleasure in what I'm about to say. (Cut to Dixon's reaction. His face appears carefully, purposefully blank, waiting what he is starting to realize is coming.) Lauren: Under authority of the National Security Council, Robert Lindsay has instructed me to relieve you of duty as director of this task force until he arrives to assume control. Dixon (features still carefully schooled): On what grounds? Lauren: Obstruction of justice. Willingly conspiring to impede an international investigation into the murder of Andrian Lazarey. (Dixon reacts to this news. He looks upward, sighs impatiently and gives Lauren a surly look.) Lauren: I have photographic evidence Sydney Bristow was his killer. (Dixon turns away and starts walking around his desk.) Lauren: We've learned you've known about this for some time. Dixon (leaning across his desk, not in a threatening way): It is within my purview to compartmentalize information, Lauren. If Bob Lindsay has issue with that, he can take it up with the Director of Central Intelligence. Lauren: He has. Feel free to call DCI yourself for confirmation although I suspect your phone will be ringing any moment. These premises are to be locked down until Lindsay arrives with Federal Agents. (Cut to Dixon's reaction. He's really not pleased with what he's hearing. His face is almost one of defiance, but not quite.) Lauren (voiceover): That means, until such time, nobody leaves. Dixon (his stare unwavering): I take it you have Sydney in custody. Lauren: Not yet but we know where she is. (Cut to a close up of Sydney's hand as she inserts the key she got from Sloane into a door lock. It fits. She turns the key and opens the door. She turns on a light just inside the door and lays the key on a table there. She looks around, amazed. The apartment is decorated with expensive paintings and sculptures a leather sofa. She wanders through the room, touching objects as if hoping they'll give her some clues. She rubs her hand across a black table. A thin layer of dust appears on her fingers. She rubs it off absently. The apartment obviously hasn't been vacant for long. She wanders into another room and turns on the light. Cut to her entering the bedroom and turning on another light. She takes off her coat, lying it absently on the bed. She sits on the bed, fingers the tapestry of a bed pillow, then lays back on the bed with her eyes closed, letting out a long sigh. She looks up to a chilling sight: out of a large skylight over the bed, she sees several white doves flapping around and behind them, is the same statue from her nightmare, atop the spire of what appears to be a church. The church bells ring in the background. Cut to Sydney's wide-eyed reaction to the statue. Focus in on the statue, which appears to be coming every closer Cut to Sydney splashing water on her face in the bathroom, obviously spooked. She looks up at the mirror over the sink, face still dripping with water, and then, as if a sudden thought crossed her mind; she pulls the medicine cabinet open, searching. She grabs a prescription bottle, pulls it out and closes the cabinet. A close up on the bottle reveals it belongs to Julia Thorne. She opens the cabinet again to see if there are any more clues in there and slowly closes the door again. As it closes, we see a man who appears to be a policeman right behind her. He grabs her from behind and drags her out to the living room where five or six armed police officers stand in a circle around her.) Officer #1 (en italien): Get down on the floor! Officer #2 (en italien ): Quick! Handcuff her! (Sydney is slammed to the carpet as they handcuff her. Close up on Sydney's still wet face as the police officer says ) Officer #1 (en italien): In conjunction with the N.S.C of the United States of America, you are under arrest! (From Sydney's panicked face we Cut to Black. ALIAS. End of Act Five.)

Sydney accompanies Sloane on a Covenant assignment to steal the operating system for a microwave laser from the Chinese Defense Minister's office. Marshall uses a camouflaged remote-control car to disable security, allowing Sydney to break into a safe. When discovered by security, Sydney overpowers two guards, scrambles the operating system and escapes. Sloane then gives Sydney an envelope written in Sydney's handwriting, containing a key and a coded message ("34-14, 09-55/9, 23-185, 17-15/3") that points to an apartment in Rome. Jack explains that the message was encoded in a scheme used by Sydney's mother, suggesting that they were in contact during Sydney's two-year disappearance. Meanwhile, Vaughn and Lauren go to Mexico to meet Javier Perez, one of Simon Walker's former associates, who was captured by Mexican police and who claims to have information about Lazarey's murder. They are taken hostage en route, giving Jack a chance to kill Perez and make it appear as a suicide. However, Sark later finds Lauren and provides evidence that Julia Thorne is really Sydney and that she killed Lazarey. Sark claims to be interested in avenging his father's death. Vaughn helps Sydney escape before being arrested by the National Security Council and Lauren tells Dixon that he is no longer in charge of the task force due to his hiding of evidence concerning Lazarey's murder. The episode ends with Sydney entering the apartment in Rome. She recognizes a nearby statue as a recurring feature in her nightmares but is suddenly arrested by police.

fd_FRIENDS_07x02

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[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there having breakfast and Joey enters carrying a loaf of bread.] Joey: Hey! Ross: Hi! Joey: Who wants French toast? Ross: Oh, I'll have some! Joey: Good, me too. (Tosses him the loaf.) Eggs and milk are in the fridge. Thanks. Monica: (entering from her room) Oww! Chandler: What's the matter honey? Monica: I don't know, my hand feels weird. I guess it's because, I'm engaged! (Shows off the ring.) How long before it starts getting annoying? Phoebe: It starts? Rachel: Yeah, so let's get started on the wedding plans! Monica: Okay! (Runs off.) Chandler: (incredulous) Already?! Rachel: Yeah, we got a lot to do! We gotta think about the flowers, the caterers, the music... Chandler: Oh, I got some thoughts on that. Rachel: Oh wait Chandler, too many cooks... Ross: Take it from me, as the groom all you have to do is show up and try to say the right name. Monica: (returning) Okay! (Sets down a huge 3" 3-ring binder on the table.) Chandler: What in God's name is that?! Ross: Oh my God, the wedding book?! I haven't seen that since the forth grade! Monica: This baby has got everything. Take y'know, locations for instance. (She opens up the binder to the locations chapter.) First, organized alphabetically, then geographically, then by square footage. Phoebe: That is so smart! (To Chandler, under her breath) Break it off. Break it off now. Opening Credits [Scene: A Classroom, Ross is giving a lecture.] Ross: And that should conclusively prove that I had the idea for Jurassic Park first! Now let's take a look at... (Phoebe rushes in.) Phoebe: Hey! Ross! Ross: Phoebe, oh my God! Wh-wh-what are you doing here? Phoebe: I need to talk to you, it's pretty urgent. It's about Monica and Chandler. Ross: Oh my God! Of course, of course. (To the class.) Umm, would you please excuse me for a moment? Umm, do you know each other's hometowns? Why don't you... (Motions that they should learn everyone's hometown.) (To Phoebe) Wh-what's going on? Phoebe: Well, umm, not much. But, I was just thinking that since those guys just got engaged that maybe it would be nice if they had some privacy, y'know? So, could I just move in with you for a couple days? Ross: Umm, okay, yeah, sure. But wh-what's wrong with Monica and Chandler? Phoebe: Nothing-Why?! Ross: Phoebe, you said it was urgent! Phoebe: Oh yeah it is! I'm going to the movies and it starts in like five minutes. Ross: Do you realize I have a classroom full of students? Phoebe: (to the students) Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so rude. Does anyone want to come to the movies? [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Rachel and Monica are pretty much telling Chandler what the wedding plans are.] Monica: All right, so I haven't cleared the budget with my parents yet, but tell me how this is for music. Rachel: Okay. Monica: All right umm, a string quartet for the procession. Rachel: Aw. Monica: A jazz trio for cocktails. The Bay City Rollers for dancing. Wait, that was from my sixth grade wedding. Chandler: Well, you couldn't get them anyway. Ian doesn't play anymore and Derrick... (Off of Rachel and Monica's looks) And Derrick is a name I shouldn't know. Joey: (sitting up from the couch) Hey Mon, do you have another pillow? (Holds up one.) Y'know, something a little snugglyer? Chandler: Why are you napping over here instead of over at your place? Joey: Well, the duck... Rachel: What?! The duck?! What the hell did the damn duck do now?! Joey: Uh, well he did not get sick somewhere in there and it was immediately found and properly cleaned up! Chandler: Now, do I get to look at this book or is it just for people who are actually involved in the wedding? Monica: Of course you can look at it! Yeah, I want your opinion too! Chandler: Okay. Monica: Here you go! What do you think about centerpieces? Chandler: Centerpieces! Monica: Yeah! Roses or Lilies? (Holds up a picture of each.) Chandler: Definitely roses. (Monica and Rachel exchange a look.) Well, I just think they're a little more weddingy. (Monica holds the Lily picture closer to him.) But Lilies are the clear choice. Monica: Oh my God! It's like one mind. Chandler: Uh-huh! Joey: (sitting up again) Guys! Guys!! You gotta let me nap! Ugh, I'm gonna get cranky! Rachel: Joey, there is a perfectly good couch across the hall! Joey: Yes it is perfectly good, and it is not one of the places the duck got sick! Rachel: What?! Joey: All right, I'm gonna go! (Gets up and heads for the door.) Rachel: Now Joey, what did the duck do?! Joey: I don't know! But he did not eat your face cream! [Cut to Joey and Rachel's, Joey enters and heads for his bedroom. He pushes open the door to find the duck.] Joey: Hey little buddy, how are you feeling? (The duck does not get sick and Joey recoils in horror and heads for the couch.) What the hell is in that face cream? (He's about to try out the couch but notices the bed in Rachel's room. He walks into her room and feels the bed.) That's so soft. (He pulls back the comforter.) Pillowcases! (He climbs in and groans in delight. Suddenly, he feels something under him and pulls out a little beat up paperback book. He opens it and starts to read from it.) (In his head.) Zelda looked at the chimney sweep. Her father, the vicar...(Stops reading and thinks.) The vicar? (Continues reading) ...wouldn't be home for hours. Her loins were burning. She threw caution to the wind and reached out and grabbed his...(Out loud.) Whoa! (Reads on in silence.) Whoa-ho-ho-ho! This is a dirty book! (Continues to read.) [Scene: Ross's apartment, Phoebe has moved in and has a massage client on the table she's set up in the living room. Ross enters and is shocked to see a naked man lying on the table.] Ross: Uh, Phoebe... Phoebe: Oh Ross, hi. Ross: Phoebe, what are you doing? Phoebe: I'm sorry, I'm with a client right now. Ross: Phoebe! Phoebe: Okay, let's talk outside. (They go into the hall.) Ross: Phoebe, you can't massage people in my apartment! Phoebe: What's the big deal? I did it at Monica and Chandler's! Ross: And they knew about it? Phoebe: (pause as she considers it) Okay, well Ross, what is this really about? Ross: Look, this is my home and I want to be able to come and go whenever I want! Phoebe: Okay, I will find someplace else to do the rest of my appointments. I just don't know what the big deal is! Ross: The big deal is I don't want naked, greasy strangers in my apartment when I want to kick back with a puzzle-beer! Cold beer. [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sweeping up as Rachel enters.] Rachel: Hey Joey, what 'cha doing? Joey: Sweepin'. Why? Turn you on? Rachel: No. Joey: Huh. What if I was sweeping a chimney? Rachel: Joey, did you eat my face cream? (She walks into her bedroom.) Joey: Where are you going? The vicar won't be home for hours. (She comes back out.) Rachel: Joey, (nervously) where did you learn that word? Joey: Where do you think, (pause) Zelda? Rachel: (gasps) You found my book?! Joey: Yeah I did! Rachel: Joey, what-what are you doing going into my bedroom?! Joey: Okay, look I'm sorry, I went in there to take a nap and I know I shouldn't have, but you got p0rn! Rachel: Hey-hey, y'know what? I don't care! I'm not ashamed of my book. There's nothing wrong with a woman enjoying a little...erotica. It's just a healthy expression of female sexuality, which by the way, you will never understand. (She goes into her room.) Joey: You got p0rn! [Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming out of the living room carrying his salad and a puzzle-beer! Cold beer. And he decides to fold up Phoebe's massage table, but being Ross has trouble with it as there is a knock on the door. He sets the table back up and opens the door to reveal a beautiful woman.] Ross: Hello. Woman: Hi, is uh Phoebe here? Ross: Uh no-no, she-she's out for the night. Woman: Ohh great. Ross: Can I, can I help you with something? Woman: Well, I don't know. Are you a masseur? Ross: (deadpan) Yes I am. Woman: Great! (Calls down the hall) Dad! (Her old father walks in.) Thank you so much, I'll be back to pick him up in an hour. (She walks away.) (Ross isn't happy and closes the door slowly.) [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are having dinner with her parents.] Mrs. Geller: So Chandler, your parents must've been thrilled when you told them you were engaged. Chandler: Oh yeah, I should probably call them. Mr. Geller: I remember when we first got engaged. Chandler: Oh, I don't think I ever heard that story. Monica: Oh dad, really you don't need to... Mr. Geller: (ignoring her) Well, I'd gotten Judy pregnant. I still don't know how that happened. Mrs. Geller: (incredulous) You don't know how that happened?! Your dog thought my diaphragm was a chew toy! Chandler: What a sweet story. Monica: Well, at least you're not hearing it for the first time at your fifth grade Halloween party. Mr. Geller: What?! They wanted a scary story! Monica: Anyway, we're really excited about our wedding plans, and well I guess pretty soon we'll be making a big withdrawal from the Monica wedding fund. (She and Chandler laugh, but her parents don't.) What? Mrs. Geller: You tell her Jack, I can't do it. Monica: What happened? You still have the Monica wedding fund don't you? Mr. Geller: We have it. Only now, we call it the beach house. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: A Restaurant, scene continued from before the break.] Monica: I don't believe you spent my wedding fund on the beach house! Mrs. Geller: We're sorry honey, but we just assumed if you got married after you turned 30 you'd pay for it yourself. Monica: You bought the beach house when I was 23! Mr. Geller: Which means you had seven years of beach fun and you can't put a price on that sweetie. Mrs. Geller: We really do feel bad about this though. Mr. Geller: We started saving again when you were dating Richard and then that went to hell, so we redid the kitchen. Monica: What about when I started dating Chandler? Mrs. Geller: Well it was Chandler! We didn't think he'd ever propose! Chandler: Clearly I did not start drinking enough at the start of the meal. (Starts to make up for lost time and takes a big swig of his drink.) Monica: I can't believe it! That there is no money for my wedding?! Mrs. Geller: We might still have some money, if your father didn't think it was a good idea to sell ice over the Internet. Mr. Geller: It seemed like such a simple idea. Mrs. Geller: Stupid Jack, the word is stupid. Mr. Geller: All right, enough! I don't want to hear about it anymore! (Under his breath) Good luck, Chandler. (Chandler takes another drink.) [Scene: Ross's apartment, his massage client is on the table and Ross is reluctantly starting his massage. He spreads some lotion in his hands, and doesn't like it.] Ross: Okay! Now, I'm going to touch you. (He does so, very gingerly.) Ohh, that's soft. (He starts poking him and notices his salad spoons and starts to massage him with those.) [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Chandler are returning from dinner, Rachel is already there.] Monica: I can't believe this. Do you think that your parents could help pay for it? Chandler: I don't know, my mother spent most of her money on her fourth wedding. She's saving the rest for her divorce. And any extra cash my father has he saves for his yearly trips to (Pause) Dollywood. Rachel: Well what happened at dinner? Monica: My parents spent the money for our wedding! Phoebe: (gasps) My God! What did you order?! Rachel: Wait, but there's no money! Well this is terrible! You guys are gonna have to get married in like a, rec. center! Chandler: Honey, it's gonna be okay. Monica: No! No it's not! It's not gonna be okay! It sucks! No swing band! No lilies! Rachel: No, y'know what? It's gonna be okay. I mean you don't have to have this rustic Italian feast. Y'know? And-and you don't need, you don't need this custom-made, empire-waisted, duchess, satin gown; you can wear off the rack. (She starts to cry, as does Monica.) Chandler: Look, it really is gonna be okay. The important thing is that we love each other and that we're gonna get married. Rachel: Do you even understand what off the rack means?! Phoebe: Look, why don't you just pay for it yourself? Monica: How? I don't have any money. Chandler: Well, I have some. Monica: How much? Chandler: Well, close to... (Notices Rachel leaning in to hear and decides to write it on a piece of paper and hand it to Monica as Phoebe averts her eyes.) Monica: Whoa!!! Are you kidding me?! Rachel: Well what?! How-how much is it?! Monica: It's enough for wedding scenario eight. Rachel: Ohh! (Whispers.) Really?! Monica: (To Chandler) How great are you, you little saver?! I mean, the-the amount you have is exactly the budget of my dream wedding! Rachel: (starting to cry) Ohh, you guys are so made for each other. Chandler: Well, you're not suggesting that we spend all of the money on the wedding? Rachel and Monica: Ah, yeah! Chandler: Well, come on, I've been saving this money for six years and I kinda had some of it earmarked for the future, not just for a party. Phoebe: (reading the slip of paper) Wow! (In a sultry voice) Hello, Mr. Chandler. Monica: This is the most special day of our lives. Chandler: No, I realize that honey, but I'm not gonna spend all of the money on one party. Monica: Honey, umm I-I love you, (laughs) but umm, if you call our wedding a party one more time, you may not get invited. Okay? (Laughs) Listen, we could always earn more money, okay? But uh, we're only gonna get married once. Chandler: Look, I understand, but I have to put my foot down. Okay? The answer is no. Monica: You-you're gonna have to put your foot down? Chandler: Yes, I am! Phoebe: Wow, money and a firm hand. Finally a Chandler I can get on board with. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are there as Rachel enters and sees Joey sitting there.] Joey: Hey Rach. Rachel: (quietly) Joey. Joey: Hey Rach, do you smell smoke? Rachel: Uh-huh, I get it, smoke, chimney, chimney sweep, very funny, ha-ha. Joey: No-no-no, I'm serious. You don't smell it? Something's on fire. Rachel: Well no, I don't smell anything. Joey: Oh, y'know what? It's probably just your burnin' loins. Ross: (sitting down) Hey, what are you guys, what are you guys talking about? Rachel: Nothing! Ross: (takes a drink) Damn, this coffee's cold! Hey Rach, do you mind if I heat this up on your loins? (Joey and he both laugh.) Rachel: Y'know, I can not believe you told him, Joey! Ross: So I guess you bought that book after we broke up huh? Rachel: Uh-huh, yeah I did, because I wore out my first copy when I was with you. (Exits.) Ross: (chases her) Oh yeah, yeah? Well uh, when we were going out, I read tons of porno magazines! (Realizes a table of women overheard him.) (To that table.) 'Sup? Phoebe: (entering) Ross! How could you do that to an old man?! Ross: (looking at the table) Excuse me ladies. (To Phoebe) I'm sorry? Phoebe: My massage client, Arthur? His daughter called and said that some guy that worked for me gave him a really weird massage this afternoon. Ross: (incredulous) I gave him an extremely professional massage! Phoebe: He said you poked at him with wooden spoons. Ross: Okay, so it wasn't uh, a traditional massage. But I did give him acu-pressure with a pair of chopsticks. And, and I gently exfoliated him with, with a mop. Phoebe: Well, he's never coming back! Okay? You just cost me eight dollars a week! Ross: Hey, y'know what? This is your fault! You're the one that didn't move his-his appointment. Phoebe: Oh, it's my fault?! You didn't have to massage him! You could've sent him away! You could've not rolled Tonka trucks up and down his back! Ross: He said he liked that!! Oh you're right, you're right. I'm sorry. Joey: Dude, what are you massaging an old man for? Ross: His daughter was hot. Joey: Gotcha. [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the wedding book as Monica enters.] Monica: Hey. Chandler: Hey. Monica: Listen umm, I've been thinking, it's not fair for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you work, you work really hard for that. Chandler: Ehh. Monica: Eh, you work for that. Chandler: Look, I thought about it too, and I'm sorry. I think we should spend all of the money on the wedding. Monica: You do?! Chandler: Yeah, I'm putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes you happy then, then that's what we're gonna do. Monica: Oh, you're so sweet. (They hug and kiss.) Oh, but wait, what about our, what about the future and stuff? Chandler: Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two kids, y'know? We'll pick our favorite and that one will get to go to college. Monica: You thought about that? Chandler: Yeah. Monica: How many kids were we gonna have? Chandler: Uh, four, a boy, twin girls and another boy. Monica: What else did you think about? Chandler: Well, stuff like where'd we live, y'know? Like a small place outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Y'know, we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar and we could hear it every time it ran through the little kitty door. Of course, we'd have an apartment over the garage where Joey could grow old. Monica: (laughs) Y'know what? I-I don't want a big, fancy wedding. Chandler: Sure you do. Monica: No, I want everything you just said. I want a marriage. Chandler: You sure? Monica: Uh-hmm. Chandler: I love you so much. Monica: I love you. (They kiss.) Hey listen umm, when, when you were talkin' about our future you said cat, but you meant dog right. Chandler: Oh yeah, totally! Monica: Oh good. Ending Credits [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is balancing her checkbook as Joey enters from his room wearing a hockey helmet, gloves, and shin guards.] Joey: Hello, Zelda. Rachel: Who are you supposed to be? Joey: The vicar! Rachel: Do you even know what a vicar is? Joey: Like a goalie, right? Rachel: (sarcastically) Yeah. Look Joey, it's enough alright?! You keep making these stupid jokes and this sleazy innuendoes and it's-I'm not-it's just not funny anymore! Joey: All right, I'm sorry. Rach I-Rach I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry! Maybe I can make up for it by, taking you roughly in the barn. (Giggles.) Rachel: All right! Y'know what? That's it! You wanna do it?! Let's do it! Joey: Huh? Rachel: (starting to move closer to him) That's right, I wanna do it with you! I've been trying to fight it, but you just said all the right things. Joey: (nervously backing away) I-I-I-I did? (He puts a stool in front of her.) Rachel: (moves the stool out of the way) Yeah! Ohh, I've been waitin' so long to get on that body! Joey: This body? (He backs into the kitchen.) Rachel: Yeah that's right! Come on Joey; s*x me up! Joey: Hey-hey, you're startin' to sound like the butcher's wife there in-in chapter seven. Rachel: Oh, come on now, don't keep me waiting. Get those clothes off! But, I would keep that helmet on because you're in for a rough ride! (He backs into the door.) Joey: I don't want to, I'm scared. (Rachel walks away, pleased with herself.)

Monica is devastated that her parents have spent her entire wedding fund to build their beach cottage. She perks up after learning Chandler has enough money to pay for her dream wedding. However, Chandler's refusal to use all the money on a wedding and instead saving it for their future, causes an argument. Joey teases Rachel after finding an erotic novel she is reading. Phoebe temporarily moves into Ross' apartment, bringing her massage clients with her. When a hot woman shows up for a drop-in appointment when Phoebe is gone, Ross pretends to be a masseuse, only to discover the client is her father.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_08x05

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_08x05_0

[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. WAREHOUSE] (A young woman is held captive with her wrists tied high above her head. Off screen, she hears faint slicing, and gurgling. She screams.) (Blood squirts on her face and in her mouth. She coughs. Yuck.) (Behind her, a man hacks off a dummy's head.) Zack Putrid (director): (o.s.) Cut! (She continues to cough.) Zack Putrid: (o.s.) Cut! Damn it! (The bell rings and overhead lights turn on. The director, Zack Putrid, gets out of his chair.) Zack Putrid: Can somebody please get her a glass of water?! (He walks up to the actress.) What happened? Babe? What are you doing? Are you choking on the blood? (She nods.) SFX Guy: I did what you told me to. Zack Putrid: Yeah, but this time, get it on her face, not in her mouth. SFX Guy: The mouth is part of the face. Zack Putrid: Yeah, I know, I know. But hit her from the side, from the side. And get plenty on the rack. (The SFX guy turns and leaves. We hold on the two actors dressed as doctors - one giant man and Dickie Jones.) Giant Doctor: We're dying here. Dickie Jones: I'm going to go ring it. Giant Doctor: All right. Hey, grab me a bear claw. (Dickie Jones heads off the set. He walks past Zack Putrid talking with the cameraman who is wearing a red baseball cap.) Zack Putrid (director): How long have I known you, huh? This is you and me. Get the shot -- not too tight. Wide enough to fit in the fun bags. (The director turns back to the actress, who is still tied up with her arms over her head as the fake blood is being wiped off her. Her make-up is being retouched.) Zack Putrid (director): Baby-cakes ... (The actor playing the killer interrupts them.) Killer Actor: (to the director) Where was I? Want me to laugh? Zack Putrid (director): Don't laugh. You were scary. Get away. (The killer leaves.) Zack Putrid (director): Honey, this time, don't inhale the blood, okay? All right, let's get her cleaned up. Let's shoot this bitch. (He heads back to his chair. The actress gasps loudly.) Actress: (o.s.) Oh ... Zack Putrid (director): Not you, baby. The shot. The shot's a bitch. I love one-ers. And you know what else I love? I love sushi. Me, too. Do you want to go for sushi? (In the background, Stanley Vespucci leads Brass through the set. Nick follows them.) Stanley Vespucci: Our lead actress, Weatherly Adams, had her dressing room violated last night. Brass: So she's the one you suspect is missing? Stanley Vespucci: She missed her call this morning. The woman is nothing if not professional. She's predictably precisely 35 minutes late every day. You could set your watch to it. She's already ... three hours late and still no sign of her. (He looks at his watch.) (A light blows out as they pass.) Stanley Vespucci: Nothing to worry about, gentlemen. It's just a bad bulb. If you will, please, follow me. (He leads them out.) [INT. WEATHERLY ADAMS' DRESSING ROOM - CONTINUOUS] (He opens the dressing room door.) Stanley Vespucci: Here we are. (They walk in.) Stanley Vespucci: Check out the flowers in the vase. (Nick looks at the note on the flowers.) Nick: "Congratulations on your last film." Any idea who sent her these, Mr. Vespucci? (A framed photo of a pretty blonde-haired woman is on the dressing table next to the flowers.) Stanley Vespucci: (shrugs) Stalkers, creeps, cranks, nut balls, degenerates -- we get them all here. Weatherly attracts them like flies. (He shows them a stack of letters.) Stanley Vespucci: These are ... uh ... some of the guys we've had trouble with in the past. Brass: I'll take that. (Nick continues to look through the dressing room.) Brass: When was the last time you saw her? (Vespucci takes his phone out and dials.) Stanley Vespucci: At wrap yesterday. We shot all night, finished about 4:00 in the morning. Brass: Did anyone see her leave the building? Stanley Vespucci: Her car's still parked out back. (Nick holds a purse.) Nick: This hers? Stanley Vespucci: Yeah. Weatherly Adams: (recording) Hi, it's Weatherly. Leave a message or I'll scream. (giggles) (Nick turns the bag over, the contents spilling out onto the sofa.) Nick: Wallet, keys, and cell phone still in there. Stanley Vespucci: Still no answer on her home phone. Brass: I'll send a patrol car to her house. You said there was a break in. Why don't you show me? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. REPULSION PICTURES -- BASEMENT] (Down in the basement, various items are stored - dress dummies, rolled-up carpets and a VORTEX OF EVIL movie poster hangs on the wall just below the ceiling light.) Stanley Vespucci: Ah, Weatherly ... how has she died for us, let me count the ways. (Stanley Vespucci leads Brass and Nick down through the basement.) (They walk past posters of the movies Weatherly made - NIGHT SHIVERS, INTO THE MOUTH OF HELL, and CAN I LICK THE SPOON?.) Stanley Vespucci: Bludgeoned, boiled, filleted, defenestrated, decapitated, disemboweled, oh, yeah, and strangled with her own intestines. Autopsied while still alive. (They walk into the large storage area.) Stanley Vespucci: Made to eat her own liver, fed slowly through a tree chipper, roasted and served on a bed of Belgian endive. When Weatherly Adams dies, it's money in the bank. (He shows them the open window.) Stanley Vespucci: Here you are, gentlemen. Nick: Looks like somebody broke the glass, reached in, unlocked it and opened it. (Nick looks around the area.) Stanley Vespucci: Yeah, that's the way I found it when I got here this evening. (Nick finds some blonde-haired stuffed dummies on the furniture. Among the dummies, he finds the real Weatherly with an axe stuck in her back. Flies buzz around the dead body.) Nick: Uh, Jim ... I got her. (Nick kneels to look at the body. Jim and Stanley Vespucci join him. Vespucci gasps.) Nick: And I believe she's died for the last time. FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. REPULSION PICTURES -- BASEMENT] (A movie poster, I HAVE TO AXE MY MOTHER, hangs on the cement post. The main photo is of Weatherly in red with an axe stuck in her head.) Nick: Whoever stuck her under this poster was trying to send a twisted message. (Weatherly's dead body is also in red with an axe stuck in her back.) Catherine: Either that, or the killer's got a wicked sense of humor. (Catherine puts her gloves on. Nick snaps a photo as David Phillips turns the body to look under it.) David Phillips: Lividity is fixed along the anterior aspect, and ... she is still in full rigor. (Nick checks his watch.) Nick: She was last seen alive about 15 hours ago. David Phillips: No panties. I'll do an SAE kit. (David pauses and looks up where he sees the movie poster.) David Phillips: (inflecting) "The horror." (He chuckles and looks at Catherine and Nick. He does it again.) David Phillips: (exaggerating) The horror ... (Catherine smiles.) David Phillips: Huh? Huh? Bra-Brando? (normal voice) Brando from Apocalypse Now? Catherine: Oh, yeah, yeah. I know, Dave. Everybody knows that. David Phillips: (deflated) Oh. I'll get the gurney. (David leaves. Catherine notices Weatherly's broken shoe.) Catherine: Looks like the Lady lost a heel. Nick: There's a whole lot of something here, but it doesn't really look like blood to me. (Nick indicates the blood under the body. Catherine dusts the axe handle.) Catherine: No, it's ... uh ... it's the wrong color. It's too red. Nick: Smells sweet. Karo syrup and food coloring -- it's prop blood. Catherine: And I am not seeing any prints. It's been wiped clean. Nick: The question is, where does the fake blood end and the real blood begin? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - MOVIE SET] (The actress in pink wails and cries. The actor playing the killer cries.) (Brass talks with the cast and crew.) Brass: Now, I know this may come as a shock to most of you, and I'm sorry for your loss. I understand that Weatherly Adams was a long-time member of this company ... (The midget, Dickie Jones, looks around, then turns and hugs the pretty actress in pink.) Zack Putrid (director): Well, do you have a suspect? Brass: Uh, sir, we just found the body about an hour ago. (Dickie Jones hugs the actress, then squeezes her butt.) Brass: We're just beginning our investigation. (The actress pushes Dickie Jones away.) Zack Putrid: Yeah, I get it, I get it. I mean, it could be anyone. (He turns and looks around - just as the other cast and crew members look around at each other.) Brass: Now, I'm going to have to look at your IDs and I'm going to take statements and fingerprints from all of you. And I thank you in advance for your cooperation. Stanley Vespucci: Anything we can do to help. (Brass turns and heads up the platform stairs.) Zack Putrid: So what am I supposed to do today? Stanley Vespucci: Edit. (Stanley Vespucci catches up with Brass.) Stanley Vespucci: Excuse me, Mr. Brass. Do you think that it would be all right if we were to ... continue to shoot ... Brass: No. Vincent Lafoon: I want that little twerp Zarco found and locked up. Brass: Uh, who are you? Vincent Lafoon: Vincent Lafoon. This is my brother Mason. We own this place. Brass: Who's Zarco? Vincent Lafoon: Oliver Zarco. He used to work here. He had a thing for Weatherly, and then he got hurt, blamed it on us, went a little nuts. Mason Lafoon: He was the one who got ... Vincent Lafoon: (interrupts) He was the one who sent the flowers and the note. Brass: So he's done this before. Mason Lafoon: Yeah, like, three times. Vincent Lafoon: (irritated) Would you shut it? (to Brass) Three times. He's your guy. Brass: Do you have video surveillance by any chance? Vincent Lafoon: Yeah, only on the exterior, but the video system's been on the fritz lately. Stanley Vespucci: I had it repaired three days ago-- I'll get the tapes. Vincent Lafoon: Oh, good. (Vespucci leaves.) (to Brass) Look, just find Zarco, okay? (Vincent leaves. Mason lingers.) Killer Actor: Everyone come together. Mason Lafoon: Um, I can't, I still can't believe she's gone. I mean ... she was a ... she was a real beautiful lady. (Everyone gathers on the set.) Killer Actor: Let's form a circle and touch hands with someone you care about. (Mason turns to join the others.) Killer Actor: Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me ... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. REPULSION PICTURES -- BASEMENT] (Nick swabs the "blood" and tests it. It doesn't work.) INTERCUT WITH: [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - DRESSING ROOM] (Catherine is in Weatherly's dressing room. She dusts the green vase.) (She stops when she doesn't find any prints.) [INT. REPULSION PICTURES -- BASEMENT] (Nick goes over to the window. He sees the security camera outside and measures the distance. He notes it on the sketchpad.) [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - DRESSING ROOM] (Catherine snaps photos of Weatherly's dresser and open drawer.) (She opens the top drawer and snaps a photo of it. She takes out a notebook and looks inside. She finds dates, times and numbers.) (Nick walks in.) Nick: How's it going in here? Catherine: The vase is clean. I've got a spiral notebook filled with dates, times and weights. Looks like she was a bit concerned about her size. Nick: Actors. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (Robbins and David are working on removing the axe from Weatherly's back.) David Phillips: (appalled) You really don't recognize her? (David holds the body down while Robbins pulls on the axe.) Robbins: (grunts) No. David Phillips: You've ever seen Chop Chop, Fizz Fizz? Robbins: No. David Phillips: Can I Lick The Spoon? Robbins: Please, David. David Phillips: They're classics. Robbins: Those are not classics. (The axe pops out.) Robbins: The Exorcist. The Shining. Rosemary's Baby. Those are classics. (David washes the body.) David Phillips: You know what I loved about her? She really made you feel the terror. When she was scared for her life, I was scared, too. (Robbins holds the axe cut open as David washes it out. He sees something.) Robbins: Interesting. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Brass talks with Oliver Zarco.) Brass: Mr. Zarco ... tell me about you and Weatherly Adams. Oliver Zarco: It was the happiest time in my life. I had realized my dream. FLASHBACK TO: The set is busy. Oliver Zarco: (V.O.) I was working in the movies. Though I was only in an entry-level position, Weatherly and I were already an item. (Weatherly and Zarco are kissing in the back.) Oliver Zarco: (V.O.) Just like ... END FLASHBACK. Oliver Zarco: ... Julia Roberts and what's his name. FLASHBACK TO: They're filming on the set. (Weatherly takes the burning meat out of the oven and puts it on the table. The meat is smoking.) Oliver Zarco: (V.O.) We were in love. Weatherly: (smiles) Hi. (Zarco is on the side with a smoke machine, adding to the smoke. He blows her a kiss. Filming continues.) Oliver Zarco: (V.O.) And then it was all over in an instant. (The smoke machine blows up and bursts into flames in his face. Zarco screams.) Oliver Zarco: Oh, God! (Zarco's face is on fire. He gets up and runs around the set.) Oliver Zarco: Oh, my God! (Finally someone with a fire extinguisher puts the fire out.) END FLASHBACK. (Zarco's face is scarred.) Oliver Zarco: I was in rehab for six months. That slime ball Lafoon convinced me not to file a Worker's Compensation claim. He said that he'd take care of me. Brass: And you trusted him? Oliver Zarco: Yes. And then, when the deadline passed to file my claim, Vincent offered me two grand, take it or leave it, and then he fired my ass. And I could have lived with that, but ... Brass: But what? Oliver Zarco: Weatherly ... dumped me. She felt we were no longer compatible. The truth was, she couldn't stand to look at me. She cried when she told me. Actresses can do that. The smell of her skin ... like fresh lemon poppy seed scones baking in the oven. Gold flecks that danced like Valkyries in the emerald depths of her eyes. Her hair-- oh, God ... Her hair ... Brass: So you started stalking her. Oliver Zarco: I brought her gifts from time to time, to let her know that I still loved her. Is that against the law? Brass: It is if you break in to do it. Oliver Zarco: They wouldn't let me in the front door. Brass: So you came in through the window. Only this time, you got caught. You argued. She told you where to shove your flowers, and you thought to yourself, "You know, do I really need this aggravation?" So you killed the bitch. I think you killed the bitch. Oliver Zarco: Why would I kill her? Brass: How should I know? Oliver Zarco: Do I know you? Brass: Listen, Zarco, you whack job, you'd better focus! You focus. Oliver Zarco: I'm trying to explain to you. I haven't been near that place in over a year. You got the wrong guy. I don't do that anymore. I'm in therapy now. Lots of therapy. Freudian, Jungian, Gestaltian -- all that crap. I've let go of my anger. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE] (Grissom is in his office when Wendy appears in the doorway. She's carrying some test results.) Wendy: Have you seen Catherine around? Grissom: No, why? Wendy: 'Cause I just got the DNA results for Weatherly Adams, and the skin under her nails and the semen from her SAE, they both belong to Vaughn Krunty. Grissom: Who? Wendy: Vaughn Krunty, aka "Zack Putrid." Grissom: Who's that? Wendy: (amazed) The Titan of Terror, The Sultan of Slash. He's the movie director. I just ... I found him in CODIS for a statutory rape charge in Laughlin when he was 18 and the girl was 16. Can you believe that? Grissom: What's the matter with you? Wendy: Nothing. Grissom: Go tell Catherine what you found, make sure that you pull all the old evidence out of storage in case she needs it. Wendy: Okay. (Wendy looks at the results, turns and leaves the office.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - EDITING ROOM] (Zack Putrid is reviewing the footage shot that day.) Zack Putrid: Please. That looks pretty stupid, doesn't it? Editor: Well, you could cut out earlier, maybe go to a wide exterior shot, you could carry the scream over a big flock of birds taking off. Zack Putrid: Yeah? (Putrid kicks the editor's chair.) Editor: Or ... yeah ... (He picks up the golf club and hits the table, smashing whatever is on it.) Editor: (mutters) Or not. Or not, just ... bad idea. All right, okay. (Putrid turns around and sees Brass leaning against the door frame watching him. Putrid chuckles.) (Putrid chuckles) Zack Putrid: Detective Brass. (He points to Brass, turns and chuckles at the editor.) Zack Putrid: Man, I love that. Detective Brass. You're a detective, and your name is Brass. I mean, I can use that. That's like a cop named Officer Copper. Or a tin horn sheriff named Sheriff Tin. You cannot write that stuff. Brass: Listen, buddy ... Zack Putrid: Dude, I know why you're here, okay? Weatherly and I, yes, we were knocking boots, man. Brass: So, you acknowledge having s*x with her? (Brass walks in and heads toward the editor's table where he looks at the latest "star" covered with fake blood.) Zack Putrid: Well, yeah, I just said I had s*x ... Why would I deny it? Hey, I bang all my stars. It builds trust. It's part of my process. Brass: We found traces of your skin under her fingernails. Maybe she wasn't into your "process," so you raped her. (Putrid chuckles.) (Brass turns and looks at him.) Brass: You find that funny? Zack Putrid: Dude, you gotta see this. You're gonna love it. (to the editor) Bring up Double D. Editor: Yeah. Here goes. (The editor switches tapes and shows a recording of Weatherly wearing a pink dressing gown in her pink dressing room.) Weatherly Adams: (on tape) Hi, baby. Hi. (On the tape, she blows a kiss to the camera. A man off screen laughs.) (Putrid whacks Brass on the arm and indicates the monitor.) Zack Putrid: Check it out. (On the tape, Weatherly opens the dressing gown and shows the camera her boob job.) Zack Putrid: (on tape) Money. Money. (On the tape, she giggles.) (Putrid turns and looks at Brass.) Zack Putrid: Oh, yeah. Zack Putrid: (on tape) You're a star. WEATHERLY ADAMS: (on tape) Oh, ba-by. Oh, ba-by. Editor: (groans) I can't believe this is my life. Zack Putrid: (on tape) Oh, man, oh, man... Weatherly Adams: (on tape) Come over here, baby. (On the tape, they start kissing as the camera rolls.) (Zack Putrid puts a hand on Brass's shoulder and smiles proudly. Like a little kid, he points excitedly to the monitor.) Brass: This what you do all day? Zack Putrid: Look, does that look like a woman being taken against her will? Brass: That still doesn't explain how your skin got under her fingernails. Zack Putrid: Weatherly was ... how can I put this delicately? She was an ass-scratcher, man. She liked to scratch my ass. She wasn't pushing me away, man, she was pulling me in. (Putrid puts his pants down.) Zack Putrid: Brass, look at my ass. (He shows Brass his ass.) Zack Putrid: Freaking claw marks. Brass: Are you trying to make me throw up, Mr. Putrid? (Putrid purrs.) (HOLD on Brass.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. UNKNOWN HALLWAY] (A woman walks down the hallway. She glances over her shoulder and continues walking quickly down the hallway.) (We see the woman is WENDY SIMMS. She glances behind her again and speeds up a little. She turns the corner and glances behind her. She starts running.) (The camera follows her.) (She comes to the end of the hallway and tries opening the doors. The first one is locked. The second door is locked. She hurries to the third door. It opens.) [INT. UNKNOWN ROOM - CONTINUOUS] (Wendy enters the room and shuts the door. She cowers and waits.) (A chainsaw engine revs. The double doors open and a bearded man in a hooded raincoat carries a bloodied chainsaw.) (Wendy screams.) REVEAL: [INT. CSI - BREAKROOM] (Henry Andrews, Hodges, Sara and Wendy are watching a video.) (On the monitor, Wendy runs and the man with the chainsaw cuts her. She spits out blood and some really bad EFX has her top half fall to the floor while her bottom half remains in a standing position. After a beat, the bottom half falls to the floor as well.) (Henry laughs.) Henry Andrews: Oh, my God. No way! (Hodges jaw drops.) (Sara closes her eyes.) (Wendy smiles and pauses the tape.) Henry Andrews: That is so cool. I can't believe you worked for Repulsion Pictures. Wendy: Well, I did it on a whim. I was supposed to be an extra, but then they liked me, so they gave me this whole featured bit. I got 600 bucks for that. What? What? I was fresh out of college. I really needed the money. Ronnie Lake: I don't get it -- what's the thrill here? It's always hot babes with huge breasts falling out of their shirts, getting hacked up ... Wendy: I don't have huge breasts. Mine are kind of ... medium. Hodges: But perfect ... (Wendy turns and glares at Hodges.) Hodges: --ly adequate. Better, in fact. (He turns and looks at Sara.) Sara: Okay. Uh, I'm out of here. (Sara leaves.) Henry Andrews: Hey, let's watch it again. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (Robbins shares his findings with Nick.) (TOP VIEW DOWN of the BACK with an IMAGE of the AXE.) Robbins: (V.O.) When I removed the axe, -- (The AXE vanishes and CGI VIEW of the inside of the WOUND.) Robbins: (V.O.) I noticed that the dermis along the margin of the wound showed no vital response, except in a small area on both sides of the center of the track. (MOVE in CLOSE TO VIEW.) Robbins: (V.O.) The cause of death was perforation of the liver, spleen, and pancreas. (A CGI pointed object jabs into wound.) BACK TO SCENE. Robbins: But the injuries are inconsistent with the position of the axe wound. Nick: The axe isn't what killed her. Robbins: Exactly. The perforation was caused by a sharp, hollow, cylindrical object entering through the lower back, and then passing upwards into the organs. Nick: Like a spear, or a pipe of some kind? Robbins: Perhaps. Nick: If the axe was planted in her back postmortem to conceal t original puncture site, then ... we don't have a murder weapon. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB] (Archie goes over the video with Catherine.) ON THE COMPUTER MONITOR is the footage dated 11/07/07 at 05:22 A.M. of someone in a baseball cap opening the window to the warehouse. Archie: The only thing I found on the surveillance tapes was this. (He pauses the video.) Catherine: That guy looks familiar. Oh, that's Vincent Lafoon. He and his brother own the place. Archie: Well, here's where it gets a little weird. (Archie resumes the tape. Vincent opens the window, then backs away and leaves.) Catherine: He's trying to make it look like somebody broke in. I think he's framing Zarco. Archie: If he owns the place, he must have known about the surveillance cameras. Right? (Catherine nods.) Why would he let himself get caught on tape? Catherine: I don't know, but according to Brass's notes, he thought the system was down. So, we found no physical evidence linking Zarco to the scene. Vincent knew he had an easy fall guy. He's been playing us the whole time. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY] (Brass is sipping a cup of coffee as Vincent Lafoon is escorted in by an officer.) Vincent Lafoon: Hey, you're making a big mistake; you got the wrong dude. Brass: Yeah, a lot of guys tell me that. Vincent Lafoon: But I didn't do anything. Why would I kill Weatherly? She was my company's best asset. Plus, I liked her. She was my friend. (They turn and continue through the hallway just as Oliver Zarco turns into the same hallway.) Vincent Lafoon: That's him. That's Zarco. That's your guy. Oliver Zarco: What happened, Lafoon? She get too old, so you killed her for real? (Zarco walks past him and heads out.) Vincent Lafoon: Where's he going? Brass: I don't know. Probably out for a nice dinner. (Brass sits down. Zarco stops walking and turns to watch.) ) Vincent Lafoon: You're letting him go? Are you out of your mind? Brass: We've got nothing on him. Vincent Lafoon: But I'm the one getting set up here, me! Don't let him go-- I'm telling you-- you'll regret this. (Zarco walks up to Lafoon.) Oliver Zarco: I never touched her. You know it, I know it, and they know it. You killed her, and you're going down. (Zarco turns to leave again. Lafoon lunges at Zarco. The officer holds Lafoon back. Brass sits on the chair, sipping his coffee and watching the show.) Oliver Zarco: Can I go now? Brass: Yeah, get out of here while I'm still in a good mood. (Zarco smiles.) Oliver Zarco: So long, Lafoon. I hope they tear you a big one. (Zarco chuckles as he leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - LOCKER ROOM -- DAY] (Sara sits in the locker room when Greg appears in the doorway.) Greg: What's up? Sara: You know, in the slasher movies, when they go after the dark-haired girl, she always dies? (Greg walks in.) Greg: Yeah. And the blond always lives. (He sits down.) Aren't you glad it wasn't a movie? (She giggles at the irony.) Sara: I think, um ... I think I am sick of having my face shoved in death every day. The murder rate has gone up every year since I've been here. It's totally out of control, and ... we're not even slowing them down. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Nick walks and talks with Catherine.) Nick: After examining the crime scene, I determined there were between 200 and 300 milliliters -- that's less than a cup -- of Weatherly's actual blood outside of her body. Originally, we had assumed that the axe blade had sealed the wound, that the position of her body had caused her to bleed internally. Catherine: But if she had been gored first by another weapon and then axed, there would have been a lot more blood. Nick: Right, right. So, I compared the initial coroner's report with the last entry in her weight loss journal -- which was taken no more than an hour or two before her death. And guess what? Catherine: Her body came up light? Nick: Six pounds light. That's six pints of blood at a pound each nowhere in or around the body. She was moved. (Quick flash to: Someone drags a tarp with Weatherly's body on it through the hallway. End flash.) (Hodges joins them.) Hodges: Hey. The trace from the puncture wound came back. It's zinc, which is electrically coated onto steel to make galvanized pipe. Catherine: Well, we should go back, expand the search perimeter, try to find the actual murder site. Nick: Okay. I'll get a hold to swing. We're going to need some help. Catherine: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. REPULSION PICTURES (LOT) - WAREHOUSE -- DAY] (Dark clouds roll across the sky. Stanley Vespucci steps outside and looks up at the sky.) (He sees the CSI SUV roll in and park. Catherine, Nick and Ronnie carry their kits and meet up with him.) Stanley Vespucci: I hear you're holding Vincent Lafoon on suspicion of murder. His lawyer called me. I'd be surprised. Yes, the guy is a bit rough around the edges, but I don't think that he..uh ... Hello. (He turns and looks at Ronnie.) (Nick and Catherine both turn and look at Ronnie.) Catherine: Nick. Why don't you ... uh ... take the offices, and Ronnie and I will start in the storage area. (Nick heads into the warehouse. Catherine and Ronnie turn and head inside, too. Vespucci turns toward Ronnie.) Stanley Vespucci: My name is Stanley. (Catherine and Ronnie head inside, ignoring him.) But you call me Stan. (Stan waits outside.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. REPULSION PICTURES -- OFFICES] (A NIGHT SHIVERS poster hangs on the wall. Nick walks into the offices. He puts his kit down and starts looking around.) (Up on the bulletin board are lots of WORK-SAFETY notices. There are fake body parts on the shelves. Nick finds a really large pair of slippers under the desk. He looks over and finds a red baseball cap on the wall hook. He notes the cap-size band has been adjusted.) (Quick flash of: Someone adjusts the size of the red baseball cap to make it fit a bigger head. End flash.) (Nick takes his phone out and makes a call.) INTERCUT WITH: [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - WAREHOUSE - DAY] (Catherine and Ronnie are walking around the building.) Nick: (from phone) Hey. Catherine: (to phone) Hey, Nicky, what do you got? (Ronnie splits apart and enters a side room while Catherine continues to talk on the phone.) Nick: (from phone) I've got the hat Lafoon was wearing in the surveillance video. The wear on the strap indicates that it's been set larger ... like it was adjusted for somebody with a bigger head or something. (Catherine walks across the warehouse.) Nick: (from phone) So I'm going to get it back, see if I can get some prints off it. Catherine: (to phone) Okay, I'll ... uh ... meet you back at the lab. (Catherine hangs up.) (She stops and looks around and doesn't see or hear Dickie Jones approach.) Dickie Jones: Howdy. Dickie Jones. And you are? Catherine: Busy. Dickie Jones: How about after your shift, I take you out for a cup of coffee? And I could tell you my whole life story. Catherine: No, thanks. Dickie Jones: It's just a cup of coffee, doll. I'm not asking you to make love. (Catherine rolls her eyes and turns to the side. Dickie eyes her behind and hisses his appreciation.) Dickie Jones: (under his breath) Not right away, anyway. (Catherine kneels and puts her goggles on.) Dickie Jones: You know, I could open up new worlds to you. Have you ever had the back of those thighs kissed by a man ... who's standing up? (Catherine turns her head as she starts laughing. She gets to her feet.) Dickie Jones: So you find dwarves funny? (Catherine laughs.) Catherine: Sometimes, yeah. Dickie Jones: Come on, what do you say? Is it because of my receding hairline? (Catherine stops laughing.) Catherine: I don't go out with persons of interest in an ongoing investigation. Dickie Jones: Well, I just think you might be missing out, pookie. Catherine: Don't call me pookie. (Catherine stands up with her kit.) Dickie Jones: But you haven't told me your name. Catherine: Catherine. (He walks over to her.) Dickie Jones: Catherine. Catherine: Catherine. Dickie Jones: Catherine. Well, Catherine, we little people see things from a different perspective -- things other people might miss. (Catherine puts her case down.) Catherine: If you're implying that you know something about Weatherly's death, and you're not giving it up, that makes you, at a minimum, an accessory after the fact, -- (Stanley Vespucci walks in.) Catherine: -- and that buys a long stretch for a stubby guy. Dickie Jones: I'm just talking, doll-face. Stanley Vespucci: Dickie. Why don't we leave the nice woman alone to do her work? Catherine: Here's my card. (She gives him her card.) Catherine: If there's anything that you want to tell me as it pertains to the case ... (Dickie takes the card from her and kisses the back of her hand.) Catherine: Uh ... call me. (Dickie backs away as Stanley walks over. Catherine turns and leaves.) Dickie Jones: What are you doing? Stanley Vespucci: Don't complicate things, Dickie. Dickie Jones: I'm just trying to work-- [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB] (The red baseball cap is in the fumer.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Nick removes the red baseball cap from the fumer. He looks for prints and puts it down when he doesn't find any. He runs a computer search on CASE FILE NO. LVPD 07 11 08 - 1078 GG.) (He pulls up the MDV licenses.) (He turns and looks at the sketch with the notation 5'02" near the window. He looks at the screen cap of the man in the baseball cap. He pulls up the driver license for VAUGHN KRUNTY (aka Zack Putrid). He notes the height: 5'10".) (He pulls up the driver license for VINCENT LAFOON. He notes the height: (He pulls up MASON LAFOON'S driver license. His height is 6'3".) (Nick again looks at the video capture.) (He gathers the file folder with the pictures and heads out.) [INT. CSI - A/V LAB - CONTINUOUS] (Nick heads over to Archie.) Nick: Hey, Archie, could you bring up the surveillance video from Repulsion Pictures, please? Archie: Yeah, got it over here. (Archie plays the video.) Nick: What's the best you can get me on the face? (Archie enhances the image without success.) Nick: He seems to be deliberately looking away from the camera. Take him to the window. Nick: Freeze that. Zoom in on the sleeve. Does that jacket look a little small for that guy to you? Archie: Maybe. Nick: I measured the height of the window. It's five feet. How tall is the guy? Archie: Well, he's a head taller than that window. Nick: Vincent Lafoon's only five-foot-ten. This guy's six-foot-two, six-foot-three, easy. And a lot rounder. The only guy that big in the bunch is Mason. (Nick makes a call.) Nick: (to phone) Catherine, it's Nick. Listen, the surveillance video footage is a fake. I think we got the wrong brother in custody. I think Mason set up Vincent to set Oliver up. It's getting complicated. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - WAREHOUSE -- NIGHT] (Thunder rumbles and lightning flashes. Catherine has her goggles on as she looks around.) [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - SET -- NIGHT] (Ronnie is inside the set looking around with her flashlight.) (Catherine is on the other side looking at the bloodied dummies with her ALS.) Catherine: (calls out) Hey, Ronnie, anything? (Ronnie walks through the set.) Ronnie: No. This place is creeping me out. Catherine: It's supposed to. (Catherine turns and looks over at the shelves with extra body parts.) (Lightning flashes and thunder rumbles outside. Catherine walks over to one of the props. She checks it and finds blood. In one of the pipes protruding from the prop, she finds more blood.) (Catherine turns her ALS off and goes to her kit to take a sample.) (Meanwhile, Ronnie continues to make her way slowly through the dark, creepy aisles.) (Catherine takes a swab sample off the pipe and tests it. It comes out positive. Ronnie joins her.) Catherine: I think we just found our murder weapon. Hidden in plain sight. (Ronnie sees something on the side.) Ronnie: Catherine? I've got something else here. (Ronnie photographs it and pulls it out of the rolled up coils on the shelf.) Catherine: Looks like Weatherly's missing heel. (Quick flash to: Weatherly struggles with someone. She backs up, trips and falls backwards. End flash.) Catherine: This is where she died. (Lightning flashes and thunder crashes. The overhead lights go out completely.) Catherine: Ah, damn. (The generator lights turn on.) Catherine: Oh, good. Catherine: Auxiliary generator just kicked in. (Catherine checks her phone.) Catherine: And I don't have any service. (Ronnie checks her phone.) Ronnie: Mine's dead, too. (Ronnie puts her phone down on the shelf.) Catherine: I'm going to get a dolly for you to move this thing. Photo it and get it back to the lab. (Catherine heads out.) Ronnie: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] (Its pouring.) [EXT. CAR (MOVING) - NIGHT] (Ronnie is driving. She glances down at her fuel. It's nearly empty. The message on the dash reads: FUEL RANGE LOW.) (Ronnie turns into the nearest gas station to fill it up. The attendant, dressed in a raincoat and hat, runs out. Ronnie gives him the money.) Ronnie: Here you go. Thanks! (He turns and heads back inside. She fills the SUV and reaches for her phone. It's not there.) Ronnie: Damn it. (Ronnie opens the car door and takes out the radio.) Ronnie: (to radio) Control, this is C-147 Lake for C13 Willows. Dispatch: (from radio) Copy, C-147. Stand by. C-147, you have C-13. Over. SPLIT SCREEN WITH: [INT. CATHERINE'S CAR] Catherine: (to radio) This is Catherine. Ronnie: (to radio) Hey, Catherine, I left my cell phone at the studio. I need to go back and get it. (Ronnie finishes filling her car.) Catherine: (to radio) Yeah, you'd better. They're department issue. And if you lose it, you replace it. Ronnie: (to radio) Does that include the cost of the contract? Catherine: (to radio) Oh, yeah. Ronnie: (to radio) Damnit. I'll see you later. (Ronnie goes back into the car, puts her seatbelt on and leaves the gas station.) (As she pulls out, a woman with short blonde hair watches her. Lightning flashes.) (Ronnie's SUV heads back to the studio.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - NIGHT] (Catherine returns. She's on the phone with Brass.) Catherine: We found the pipe that killed Weatherly. It's in the print lab being processed. She was killed on the soundstage and then dragged over. Brass: (from phone) We've got a warrant out for Mason Lafoon. We're looking for him now. Catherine: (to phone) Okay. Let me know what you find out. (She hangs up. Another call comes in. It's DICKIE JONES.) (Catherine sighs and heads into her office.) Catherine: (to phone) What do you want? Dickie Jones: (from phone) Pookie, it's me, Dickie. Catherine: (to phone) I know. Dickie Jones: (from phone) I've got information I think you might be interested in. Catherine: (to phone) Okay, shoot. Dickie Jones: (from phone) No. It has to be in person. Catherine: (to phone) Where are you? Dickie Jones: (from phone) I'm at the studio. Catherine: (to phone) I thought there was no phone transmission from there. Dickie Jones: (from phone) There wasn't. Now there is. That's how it is with phones and electrical storms. Look, it's urgent. Get down here as soon as you can. Catherine: I just came from there. Why didn't you tell me then, you annoying little man? Dickie Jones: (from phone) The situation is evolving. Catherine: (to phone) If you're screwing with me, I will to string you up and beat you senseless. INTERCUT WITH: [EXT. REPULSION PICTURES] Dickie Jones: (to phone) I look forward to it. Just hurry. (Thunder cracks. Dickie Jones hangs up.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT] (Brass puts a photo of Mason opening the warehouse window down on the table.) Brass: That's you, Mason. All six feet, three inches of you impersonating your brother, which makes you good for Weatherly's murder. You did that one, too, didn't you? Mason Lafoon: No, no, no. Nobody killed Weatherly, okay? She killed herself. Brass: Oh, really? What, she axed herself in the back? Mason Lafoon: No, you don't understand. She ... she ... It was an accident. She tripped. (Quick flashback to: Mason Lafoon and Stanley Vespucci are talking as Weatherly says good night to them.) Mason Lafoon: Good night, Weatherly. Stanley Vespucci: Good night, kid. Mason Lafoon: Yeah, great stuff tonight. Have a good night. Stanley Vespucci: All right. Mason Lafoon: See you tomorrow. Weatherly Adams: See you tomorrow. Okay. (Weatherly smiles and waves to them as she backs away. She trips on the rolled up hose on the floor, falls off the set stage, and ... SQUISH!) (Mason and Stanley rush over to check on her. They find her impaled and dead on the prop below. Mason Lafoon: (shouts) Call 911! Call 911! (Mason reaches for his phone. Stanley stops him from dialing.) Stanley Vespucci: Wait, let's think about this. Mason Lafoon: No, but Stanley ... Stanley Vespucci: Mason, she's dead! This time she's not coming back. We've got so many health and safety violations. If we report one more set-related accident -- especially one resulting in a death -- we will lose our bond, our liability insurance, OSHA will shut us down, we'll get our asses sued for wrongful death, and that will be the end of Repulsion Pictures! Is that what you want? Is that what you want?! Mason Lafoon: (shouts) No! BACK TO SCENE. Mason Lafoon: He ... he said "the show must go on," th-that Weatherly ... would have wanted it that ... I don't ... we ... we didn't kill anybody. Brass: But you made it look like a murder, and then you framed your brother. Mason Lafoon: Well, he's been treating me like crap my entire life. (Brass chuckles.) Brass: Yeah, but for that, you're going to send him to jail for the rest of his life? Mason Lafoon: This was all ... this was all Stanley's idea. Brass: Do you realize how much trouble you're in? Mason Lafoon: Look, Stanley was the one who wanted to frame Vincent, okay? All I was supposed to do was clean up the accident scene and pretend to be Vince and buy the roses and that was it. The rest was him. If you don't believe me, talk to the dwarf. (Brass sits down.) Brass: Why? What did he have to do with it? Mason Lafoon: Dickie saw the whole thing. (Quick flashback to: Stanley and Mason talk. Dickie Jones is in the back of the set watching ... and hearing them.) Stanley Vespucci: ... and that will be the end of Repulsion Pictures. Is that what you want? Is that what you want?! Mason Lafoon: No! Mason: (V.O.) And he's been trying to shake down Stanley ever since. BACK TO SCENE. Brass: Well, that would explain the animosity. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - SET -- NIGHT] (Ronnie returns to the warehouse. She wipes the rain from her forehead as she heads to the back to get her phone.) (Thunder rumbles. Lightning flashes. The lights are on. Ronnie enters the room. She grabs her phone off the stage and turns around to leave. She stops at a fresh pool of dripping blood on the floor.) (She looks up and finds Dickie Jones hanging from the overhead beams upside down. He's dead.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STREET -- NIGHT] (The CSI SUV turns on the road.) [INT. CATHERINE'S CAR (TRAVELING) - NIGHT] (Catherine is driving.) Catherine: (to radio) Control, this is C-13 Willows, trying to contact C-147 Lake. Dispatch: (from radio) C-13, Control. Copy. Stand by. [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - SET -- NIGHT] (Ronnie is on her phone.) Ronnie: (to phone) Hello, Dispatch? (She doesn't get a response. She shakes her phone.) Ronnie: (to phone) Hello? [INT. CATHERINE'S CAR (TRAVELING) - NIGHT] Dispatch: (from radio) C-13, Control. C-147 is not responding. Catherine: (to radio) Okay, thanks. Over and out. [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - SET -- NIGHT] (Ronnie's phone beeps as it disconnects. She looks around. Two gunshots fire.) (She heads out to the door.) (She stops when a WOMAN in a long gown, high spiked heels and a short blonde wig walks across the far entryway. The WOMAN looks like it might be Weatherly.) (Ronnie's phone rings.) (She ducks quickly to the side to hide. She reaches for her phone to turn the ringer off. But the WOMAN turns around and looks at Ronnie. Ronnie runs back to the set.) (She ducks into the corner and crouches against the wall. She opens her phone and makes a call.) SPLIT SCREEN: [INT. CATHERINE'S CAR] Ronnie: (to phone) (whispers) Catherine, it's Ronnie. I'm stuck at Repulsion Pictures. I need backup. Catherine: Ronnie ... Ronnie: (to phone) Hello? (Ronnie looks at her phone.) Catherine: (echo-y) ... uh ... I'm, I'm coming. Ronnie: (to phone) Hello? Catherine: Just ... just stay on the line. ("Weatherly" turns and heads back toward the set where Ronnie is.) Ronnie: (to phone) Hello? Catherine: Ronnie? Ronnie: (to phone) Hello? Catherine: Ronn- (The line goes dead.) Ronnie: (to phone) Hello? (Catherine's phone beeps. She picks up the radio to call dispatch.) Catherine: Dispatch, this is C-13 Willows requesting backup to meet me at Repulsion Pictures. (Catherine turns the sirens on.) [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - SET -- NIGHT] (Meanwhile, Ronnie looks out the window. Lightning flashes and the woman's figure passes by the window, her heels clacking on the floor.) (Ronnie reaches over and picks up the toilet tank cover. She backs away from the door.) (She turns around and ZACK PUTRID is standing there.) (He falls to the floor with a THUD. He grabs Ronnie by her ankle.) Zack Putrid: (gasps) You gotta help me. I'm shot! I'm shot! You gotta get us out of here. (Ronnie puts the cover down and applies pressure to the wound in Zack's back.) Ronnie: (quietly) It's gonna be okay. Keep your voice down. Zack Putrid: (gasping) Do you know how many people I've killed in this place? Ronnie: Shh! Zack Putrid: The irony is exquisite, but the pain is more formidable, you know? I think the pain is preventing me from enjoying the irony. (Ronnie covers Zack's mouth to stop him from talking.) Ronnie: Shh! Shut up! (She removes her hand and he starts talking again.) Zack Putrid: But I ... Ronnie: For the love of God, stop talking. [EXT. STREET - NIGHT] (Catherine's SUV turns onto the road, sirens wailing.) [INT. REPULSION PICTURES - SET -- NIGHT] (Zack coughs blood.) Zack Putrid: Oh, that's not good. (coughs) I should really stop talking and-and try and relax. OTHER POV: Someone watches them. Ronnie: That's good. Yeah, stop talking. Zack Putrid: But I can't stop talking. I've got that thing that ... It's a syndrome. It's a word ... There's a word for it. Ronnie: Shh-shh-shh! Zack Putrid: People have it. It's a syndrome. I can't stop talking. Stanley: Zack. (Ronnie looks up and sees Stanley Vespucci standing up on the mezzanine level above them. He's carrying a gun and raises it at them.) (Zack turns and looks at Stanley.) Zack Putrid: Stanley ... Stanley, don't shoot me again. I don't want to die, okay? You already shot me twice. I learned my lesson, okay? Ronnie: Sir, I'm a CSI. Think about what you're doing. (Thunder rumbles.) Ronnie: Put down your weapon. Stanley Vespucci: I'm sorry, I don't think I can do that. (He cocks the gun. Zack sobs.) (Suddenly, Stanley gasps. He staggers down the stairs with an axe in his back.) (He falls to the floor in front of Ronnie and Zack.) (Behind him, Oliver Zarco is dressed in a blue sequined gown and is wearing a short blonde wig. He's looking a lot like "Weatherly.") (Ronnie looks at Zarco.) Oliver Zarco: Are you okay? Ronnie: (nods) Yeah. (Oliver gulps and sits down hard on the steps. He removes the blonde wig.) (The approaching sirens grow louder.) Oliver Zarco: I really loved her. (He buries his face in the wig and cries.) (Ronnie lets out a shaky breath.) Catherine: (o.s.) Ronnie! (Catherine enters the room with two officers behind her. Their weapons are out.) (Ronnie sits down on the floor.) (Catherine sees the bodies on the floor - and Zarco sitting on the steps. She looks up and sees Dickie Jones hanging from the ceiling beams.) [SCENE_BREAK] [BLACK SCREEN] Zack Putrid: (V.O.) I'm editing late, like I always do, and I hear a shot. INSERT: FLASHBACK (Stanley is turning the crank that raises Dickie Jones up to the ceiling beams by his feet.) Zack Putrid: (V.O.) So, I go outside and check it out. (Zack walks in and sees him.) Zack Putrid: Stanley! Stanley Vespucci: You gotta help me hide the dwarf before the cops come back. Dickie was blackmailing us about Weatherly's accident. He wants to bring the whole company down. Zack Putrid: But you killed him! You killed Dickie! Stanley Vespucci: What's it gonna be, Zack? (He points the gun at Zack.) You gonna help me here or what?! WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. HOSPITAL - ZACK'S ROOM] (Zack talks with Ronnie.) Zack Putrid: Next thing you know, I'm running for my life. And the nut job is chasing me. He shoots me, and then I see the hot ... you. And all I can think the whole time is, "Man, this is great. I could use this stuff." I mean, this is life imitating art imitating life. You are so beautiful. (Ronnie starts to smile.) Zack Putrid: You are ... Your, your face is so expressive. It-it emotes. You do terror so good. Ronnie: I wasn't acting. Zack Putrid: I know. Ronnie: I'll see you. (Ronnie turns to leave.) Zack Putrid: Well, hey, listen. If you ever get tired of fighting crime, you know, there's always a future for you in the horror business. I mean, I'll take you there. Ronnie: Thanks, but I like what I'm doing. Zack Putrid: Oh, hey, the offer's still good. Ronnie: Okay, thanks. Zack Putrid: No, I'm serious. I could build an entire franchise around you. Ronnie: Bye. (Ronnie leaves.) Zack Putrid: (shouts) Seriously. Give me a call. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY / FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (We move through the hallway, past a dead body on a gurney. We turn the corner and enter Forensic Autopsy.) (We hear music and screaming - men screaming, maniacal laughter and a woman screaming.) (We see a dead body on the autopsy table and hear horror movie climax music playing. A man laughs. A door hinge creaks loudly.) (Robbins and David Phillips sit at the desk watching a horror movie and eating popcorn.) Robbins: That is impressive. As the woman's throat is being slashed, you can actually see the entire transverse view of the trachea. David Phillips: That's all you've got to say? (Robbins puts his glasses on and sits forward.) Robbins: I believe I can see the epiglottis. David Phillips: Epiglottis? What about the pathos? I mean ... what about the humanity? This may be Weatherly's finest performance. (Robbins stares at David.) David Phillips: Oh, just watch the movie. (A woman screams. They go back to the popcorn and the movie.) SLIDE TO BLACK. (A man laughs maniacally.)

The team investigates the murder of Weatherley Adams, a horror/slasher film actress found on the set with an ax in her back. The autopsy reveals that she was gored but that the ax wasn't the murder weapon. When Ronnie discovers a second body at the studio hanging from the rafters, she also comes face to face with the killer. Sara despairs at having death thrust in her face everyday.

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_06x17

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_06x17_0

At the store (Marco is playing online poker while his dad installs an alarm system.) Spinner: (To a customer) Hey and receipt's in the bag. Sale's on all week. Spread the word. Mr. Del Rossi: 1637. You have 20 seconds to punch it in. You got that Marco? Marco: Huh? Yeah. Yeah I got that pop. Thanks. Spinner: Getting robbed once was enough, you know? And the new signage looks great Mr. D.R. Mr. Del Rossi: Yeah. Spinner: Cash only, right? Mr. Del Rossi: Hey you can't trust banks. The service fees, low interest. Talk about getting robbed. Hey uh me and Uncle Louie are gonna play the ponies. You boys want to come when you close up? Spinner: Yeah! Marco: No, not tonight. Mr. Del Rossi: You know sometimes you worry me Marco. This is life. You've got to live it. (He leaves and Spinner walks over to Marco.) Spinner: Dude, come on. You've been Johnny Long-Face all week. Marco: Oh so it's been a week since Dylan left. 'Cause you know with constant phone tag and no e-mails, it's like poof! My boyfriend just disappeared off the face of the earth. Spinner: Last I heard, Sweden was still on earth. Marco: For the last time Spinner, Switzerland! Spinner: Whatever. Look Dylan's got practice every day, road trips with the team, workouts with the team- Marco: Long hot showers with the team. Spinner: Dude you have an actively gay imagination. Marco: Spin do you have any idea how hard it is to go from always having somebody there to being totally alone? Spinner: Look when Dylan was here, nobody ever saw you. You two just played house 24/7. Don't hermit out with your laptop now that he's gone. (Marco wins his online game.) Marco: Hah! Whatever buddy. I just won 200 bucks! Are you finished with your lecture? At Marco, Paige and Ellie's Marco: (On the phone) Hey Dylan. It's in the middle of the night your time. Calling you, so call me back. Love you. Bye. (Paige walks in.) Paige: Hey Marco, Spin. How's Fortress Squatch Designs? Marco: The alarm's armed and ready. What's with the hush-hush? Paige: Well when Ellie gave me the green light to date her ex, I'd say she was just a touch colour-blind. Ellie: I heard that! Paige: If Jessie calls, I'll be hiding in my room. Spinner: Oh fun times at the Del Rossi, Michalchuck, Nash, Tenako, Uchi abode. Marco: Spin this is driving me nuts. Spinner: Dude come on. You're coopered up inside. It's cold, wet, winter yuck out there. You need a change of scenery. Marco: You know what, bud? You're right. You're right! What's the opposite of cold, wet, winter yuck? Spinner: Hot, dry, summer yum? Marco: Exactly. So I'm thinking va-cay! Me, you, Daytona Beach. Spinner: Daytona? Marco: Yeah! Spinner: I would have expected Sweden! Switzerland, to visit your swister-mister. Marco: So what? It's a long distance relationship Spin, emphasis on distance. He's having fun. I just, I want to have mine. Spinner: Spring break, eh? Marco: Yeah! Spinner: Hotties on top of hotties. That my friend is yum. (Spinner's excitement fades.) Marco: What? Spinner: Dude every cent I had went into the store. Marco: No, no don't worry. I have a plan. (They're shown playing online poker.) Spinner: Wait this is your plan? Playing online poker? Marco: You got a better one? Oh yes. Yes she folded! I win again. Yes! Ellie: I'm reading Chekhov over here. Marco: Sorry Ellie! Hey man, guys let's hit a club. Come on, it's on me. Spinner: Wait, what about our trip money? Marco: I'll win more. It's what I do! At a club Marco: Oh thanks guys for hanging out tonight. I needed this. Jimmy: Ah no prob, man. Me and Spin can study for our test next week. Jay: Yo gangsta's. What's the haps? Spinner: Just celebrating Marco's big online poker score. Jay: You must be quite the shark, Del Rossi. Marco: Well I used to play with my boyfriend. Jay: Yes you're gay. Super. If you want to make some real coin, me and the guys at work have a little something going on. Marco: Define a little something. Jay: Texas Holdem. $20 gets you in the door, $100 gets you in the game. At Friendship Club Darcy: Our charity turkey dinner gave over 100 people a hot, tasty meal. Kim: And we're organizing another event for the end of semester dance. So suggestions, anyone? Nackman: Um used glasses drive? Peter: Great idea, Nackman. Darcy, my mom's asking for you. It's actually kind of important. Darcy: I better not keep the boss lady waiting. (Kim rolls her eyes as Darcy leaves.) Peter: I lied. Darcy: Oh really? Peter: Screw my mom's 'no girlfriend' policy. I've been thinking about you all week. Darcy: Someone might see us. (He gives her a necklace with a key on it.) Peter: It's the key to my heart. Don't say where you got it. It can be our secret. Darcy: It's adorable, Peter. Thanks. (She kisses him on the cheek.) At Marco, Paige and Ellie's Ellie: Lots more closet space in my room. Paige: Ellie I know you had your eye on Dylan's room, but he gave it to me. Ellie: Well we should have a had a vote. Paige: Not a big fan of democracy hon. Marco, tell her you don't mind if I take Dylan's room. Ellie: Don't let 'Princess Always Gets Her Way' bully you...or manipulate you! She has a way with men. Paige: You and Jesse broke up. Ellie: Yeah just! Marco, tell her... Marco: Shut up! I'm not going to referee your catfight about the room, or Jesse, or anything! Just work it out yourselves. (They leave and Marco closes his laptop.) Marco: Get me out of here. In media immersion Mr. Simpson: Okay Monday minds. Last week we started talking about online community moderation. Any thoughts? Is it good, bad? Peter: It's censorship. Kim: It's about keeping the internet safe for everybody. Peter: Yeah well who gets to decide what's safe and what's not, Kim? You? Darcy: I'm not surprised you'd say that. You only care about yourself. (Peter looks shocked, but Darcy gives him a wink.) Peter: Yeah well you only care about what people think about you. Darcy: At least I have a conscience. Peter: At least I can think for myself. Submit to peer pressure much? Mr. Simpson: Guys. Darcy: Submit to ugliness much? Peter: Can you tell through all that eye fat? Darcy: Eye fat? That is so pathetic. Mr. Simpson: No seriously enough. Thank you. Outside Marco: Here. Blow our poker dreams on this. Spinner: And if we lose? Marco: We won't. I know what I'm doing. Spinner: Dude it's not money in the bank. Jay's friends are poker ninjas. Marco: Yeah exactly. That's what makes it fun. High risk, high reward. Spinner: Coming from you? That's bonkers Marco: Spin, you and Jimmy opened up a store, right? Ellie hooked up with her boss. Even flame-out Paige is starting over and Dylan...Dylan is off on his European hockey adventure. What have I done? Spinner: Kept your marks up. Marco: Oh wow! Whoop-de-do. I'm mashed potatoes, man. I'm boring and I'm bored and I just, I need a rush. Come on. At Degrassi Darcy: How'd you get in here? Peter: Tell you a secret? It's never locked. (They start kissing.) Peter: Oh next time we're fake fighting, can you tone down the 'you're ugly' stuff? Darcy: You said I have eye fat. Peter: It was all I could think of. Your eyes are beautiful. Darcy: And you're not ugly, stupid. Janitor: Peter Stone! I wonder if your mom would like to hear about this. At the garage Spinner: Fold. Jay: Ah me too. Can't lose what you don't put in, right? Marco: Yeah can't win much, either. Raise 100. Jake: Going Vegas on me, boss? Alright let's double it. Marco: Impressive. I'm in. (They keep playing.) Marco: I'm all in. You with me? Jay: Well if you can't spot the sucker, you are the sucker. Jake: The question is what's his tell. Marco: When you figure it out, you let me know. Jake: It's all yours, boss. Spinner: Yes! Money for nothing. Jake: Hey this is how it works. We get a chance to win it back. Tomorrow. Marco: Alright, if you want to keep giving me your money, I'm gonna gladly keep taking it. Spinner: Daytona! [SCENE_BREAK] At a club Paige: Oh uh hello. Marco left a message. Some urgent need to rage? Ellie: Oh there's been raging. Marco: Hey, hey! Fun patrol's here. No cat-fighting tonight, ladies. Promise? Paige: Yeah fine. What is up? Marco: I am, babe. Tonight I am so wired. Spinner: He pretty well bankrupted these hardcore poker dudes. Marco: I had them eating out of my hands. Paige: Look at you, Mr. High Roller. Marco: Next stop: The Matador. Come on! Ellie: Woah, the after hours club? I can't. I have an essay. Marco: Ellie! Ellie you can't find love in an essay. You got to live! Spinner: And I've got a test. Come on. Put it away. Marco: Spin we're rich. We're celebrating. I'm happy. What's the problem here? Spinner: You dude. You're being an ass. Marco: Spin this is the first time I've had fun in ages and it's all thanks to my triple P, perfect poker partner. Come on man, let's just roll with this. Let's see how much money we can make. Please! At the poker game Spinner: Fold again. Surprise. Jay: Raise it 50. Shark boy? Marco: Funny thing about poker. You know nobody remembers how you built your fortune, just how you lost it. Jake: We're making memories tonight, right boss? Call. Jay: I think I'm gonna go in another 50. Marco? Marco: I'm all in. Spinner: Dude that's everything. Jake: Yeah not this time bluff-maestro. I'll see you. Let's have 'em. Jay: You are toast shark boy! Yes! Marco: Okay it's fine. It's fine. I um...I just, I need a loan to buy back in and I'll win it back. Jake: Yeah, how much? Marco: Um... Tony: What the hell is going on? Jay: Hey Tony you want in? Tony: Don't get smart. You guys want to keep your jobs, this ends now. Everybody out. (Marco and Spinner are walking outside.) Marco: Look everybody goes bust, okay? My luck will turn. Just trust me. Spinner: Trust you? Marco you just lost $1100. Kiss it goodbye. I did. Marco: What? What about our trip, man? The hotties? Spinner: Dude it's over. Go home, watch TV with your dad. Maybe he can talk some sense into you. You just got to stop. At the Del Rossi house Marco: Hey pop. Mr. Del Rossi: Hey son. Can't stay away from your mom's cooking, eh? Marco: How'd you and Uncle Louie do at the track? Mr. Del Rossi: We had fun. Marco: Did you guys win any money? Mr. Del Rossi: We had fun, Marco. Why? Marco: No, I'm just making conversation. Mr. Del Rossi: Yeah? Well you know what goes good with that? Some of your mom's homemade cannelloni. She put some in the freezer before she went to bingo. No sit. (Marco sees his dad's wallet and takes out all the cash.) At Degrassi Darcy's IM: How sneaky can you be? (Peter starts typing back when Kim walks over to Darcy.) Kim: E-mailing your boyfriend? Darcy: Very funny Kim. Kim: I'm just kidding. All set to work on our drama project after school? Darcy: Oh. Um I have a grandma's birthday thing. Can we reschedule? Kim: Fine. That's the last time I cancel majorettes for you. In the park Peter: Anyone see you? Darcy: No. Not that this is the perfect hiding place. How sneaky did you have to be? (They hug.) Peter: Darce I'm sorry it has to be like this...sneaking around, lying. Darcy: What we're doing isn't really bad. It's kind of fun. You're fun. Peter: So are you. So much fun. (Kim walks by with her dog and sees them kissing.) Kim: Darcy?! Darcy: Kim? Kim: Wish your grandma 'happy birthday' for me. (She walks away angry.) Darcy: Sugar... At the store, during the poker game Jake: If I win this hand, I'll buy everyone a t-shirt. Jay: I must say Mr. Del Rossi, you have some nice digs here, no girlfriends, no grease monkey bosses. This could be a regular gig, huh? Marco: Yeah right. If anybody finds out we're using the store, I'm dead. Call. Jay: Oh! Marco: Raise a hundred. Jake: There's no way you got the straight flush, bluff-maestro. Jay: Well beautiful thing is, there's no such thing as a locked hand. Marco: So Jake, you in or you out? Jake: I'm in, boss. Police officer: What's going on? We got a break and enter call. Marco: No, no, no, no. There must be some mistake. I work here. (The cop starts arresting Marco.) Marco: No just let me finish this hand. Police officer: Game's over, fellas. Marco: What? Are you kidding me? Don't you guys have some kind of murder you could be solving? Police officer: You're under arrest for trespassing. At Peter's (Darcy is at his window.) Peter: What are you doing? Darcy: Maybe if you answered your phone or returned my messages. Peter: Kim tattled to my mom! Darcy: Kim should mind her own beeswax. There's nothing wrong with us being together. Peter: Yeah well we're not going to be together. My parents are talking about sending me to boarding school. Darcy: What?! She can't. Peter: She also said that if you know what's good for you, you'd keep your distance. Darcy: Your mom can't keep us apart, Peter. Do you believe that love conquers all? Peter: I don't think it's gonna be enough. There's always something in our way. Darcy: I'll be at our secret place tomorrow. Prove to me that you're not the type to give up. At the store Marco: Spinner! Spinner thank god. Tell her, tell her that I- Spinner: What is going on here, Marco? Marco: Dude I pressed the alarm code and it didn't even go off. Spinner: It's a silent alarm, idiot. Police officer: Is this a friend of yours? Spinner: He's a part-time employee. Police officer: With permission to be here? Spinner: No. Police officer: I'm gonna have to take him in. Come on. At Degrassi (Darcy is about to leave when Peter walks in.) Peter: If they're sending me away, I have nothing to lose except you. Darcy: Peter you've got me. (They kiss.) At Marco, Paige and Ellie's Mr. Del Rossi: Ellie let me in. Uncle Louie talked to his cop buddy at 54. You had trouble at the store? Marco: Yeah I was hoping you wouldn't find out about that. Mr. Del Rossi: Yeah well Uncle Louie mentioned a poker game. Marco: The police confiscated the money so I have a bunch of mechanics for enemies now, but Spinner dropped the trespassing charges. It's fine. Mr. Del Rossi: I guess you're lucky. So do you know anything about the $600 I'm missing? Marco: Uh...I was in the hole dad. Mr. Del Rossi: Marco! How could you? Marco: I needed it! Come on. You know how it is. You gamble every weekend. Mr. Del Rossi: Marco you stole from family. Are you in trouble or something, Marco? Is there something you're not telling me? Marco: No! It's Dylan, dad. Mr. Del Rossi: Well how is Dylan the problem, Marco? Marco: I feel empty without him dad. I'm lost. He's my boyfriend. Mr. Del Rossi: You think I'm stupid? Marco: No, of course not. Mr. Del Rossi: You have used your friends and your family because playing cards was more important. No matter what Dylan is to you, he is not a part of this and you know that. Marco: I'm done. I'm done with it, okay? I promise. I understand if you hate me for it. Mr. Del Rossi: Marco, you're my son. I'm gonna watch you. Just go to school and if you have any honour, you'll come and see me at the shop to work off what you stole. People leave Marco. You have to live your own life.

Marco is having a hard time dealing with Dylan's departure and becomes addicted to online gambling. Meanwhile, Peter and Darcy have to make a decision about whether they should go public.

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_04x24

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_04x24_0

Ted (2030): Each architect has a building that changed his career. For me it was to my 31st birthday. It was not a museum or a concert hall or a skyscraper. It was something else. Man: We opened a restaurant called the Rib Town, we want it shaped... The band of friends is to McClaren's. Ted:... hat cowboy. Listen, I need this job. I have no other option. Robin: You can always do prof. Ted: I have not worked as hard to finish in a crappy job. Get me wrong, Lily. Lily: I was pissed 3 times this morning. I can not say. Ted: I pass this building, so I see you in three days. He leaves the bar to go home and get to drawing. Ted (2030): The next three days, I worked as ever. And it led me... nowhere. Barney enters the apartment where Ted is still trying to design a building. Barney: What are you doing? Ted: A hat-shaped building. Barney: It's time to talk? Ted: No. Barney: What do you think of Robin? Ted: I have to really work, so... Barney: Awesome. Say that is a tailor and you have found a nice suit. A nice suit Canada. Superb chest. You try it, but it does not suit you perfectly. So you return it. Then I try it. I'm not too keen... a suit that you have caught the eye, but at the same time, I love this costume. Ted: Buy the costume. It is important to you. Tell him how you feel. Barney: But Ted, remember your answer, because... The costume is Robin. I know! Okay? Ted: I'm with you. Barney: Now. For I have explained. Ted: What... Ted Barney greenhouse in his arms. GENERIC Marshall: Come on, man, you're on it for three days without stopping. This is your birthday. Come have a beer on the roof. Ted: Impossible, the presentation is tomorrow. These hats are not alone. Marshall: That's a big restaurant for tourists. Just put wide doors and chairs strengthened. Birthday beer on the roof. Let's go! Ted: Why do you want as I go on the roof? You made me a surprise party? Marshall: What? We brought you a surprise party, last year.Thou shalt have no surprises on two holidays. The fact that the world has come to the first was surprising. Not? Two surprises on Christmas! It is very strong! It is very strong! Great!(Marshall goes on the roof) Super... It still will not mount. Robin: Come on. This is boring! I knew it was a bad idea. Marshall: Yes, Robin, I know. This festival is... is... a disaster.It was my idea. I take responsibility. There is one thing to do. Lily: Marshall, no. Marshall: Lily, I have to! (He stands on the edge of the roof) It's useless to procrastinate. Ted (2030): I should explain. A few years earlier... Flashback Ted, Marshall and Barney are on the roof with an inflatable pool. Barney: Forget it. It really is not class. At best, it sucks. Marshall: You know who knows how to live? These people. Ted (2030): The terrace of the building next door. A paradise waiting for us behind a pit of 2 or 3 meters. And the best... Marshall: It looks to be a... sacred... spa. Barney: Owl. How do we go? We will do what? Jump? Marshall mounted on the edge of the roof. Marshall: I can jump it. Ted: Recently, you need two tries to get up from the couch.You can not skip it. Marshall: Really? Ted: Really. Marshall: Look. Ted (2030): But he did not jump. An hour later... Marshall is always on the edge of the roof while Ted and Barney are in the pool. Barney: Actually, it's not bad. Ted: Right? Ted (2030): And the following years, he continued to try. But each time, without exception... He did not jump. End flashback Marshall: Do not worry. If I can jump tonight, it will save the evening. Lily: Honey, come down here, please. Marshall: When Evel Knievel rode his rocket star on the shore of Snake River Canyon, you think his wife said "Honey, come down here '? Lily: For the last time, I'm not Linda Knievel! I will never be Linda Knievel! Marshall: No need to remind me. Ted is still on the drawing of his building. Lily: Marshall, do not do that. Do not jump, please. Marshall: Sorry, but I have to. Lily: You can not. Marshall: Why? Lily: You want a reason? You're going to have one. I am pregnant. Marshall: My God! My God, really? I saw you look fat... Lily: I was lying, b*st*rd! Go ahead, jump! I hope u gonna die! Marshall: This is the permission I needed. Barney: Look, Robin... I must tell you something. Robin: Wait. Before that, I must tell you something. Barney: What is it? Robin: I think I love you. Ted is a goat in her kitchen. Marshall is still on the edge of the roof when the phone rings from Lily. Lily: This is Ted. Everyone! Ted, are you? Ted: She's here, Lily. She looks at me. Lily: What? Ted: The goat. Ted (2030): I have already told you some of the history of the goat. Fash-back Ted (2030): When Aunt Lily a farmer invited to speak to his class how he brought the goat, and told the class what he would do later. How Aunt Lily, in a fit of kindness, bought a goat to commute his sentence. End flashback Barney: It's been an incredible thing. I was talking to Robin, I would tell him my feelings, but just before, you will believe what ever she said. Flashback Robin: I think I love you. End flashback Lily: You said what? Barney: In your opinion? What we can say to that? Flashback Barney: Robin, you're great listening. You're really great, but we're friends. This is not a good idea. Robin: You must be right. Have fun. Barney: You too, sweetie. End flashback Lily: What? Barney: Once she told me that, more than feelings. I'm more in love. Lily: You were in love with her, throughout the year and when she feels the same, you love him more. Barney: It's not great? Ted draws again and again while the goat eats a cloth. Ted: It's a wuss. Not food. (He takes the mop in the bathroom and closes the door behind him) How...? On the roof, Marshall is still trying to jump from the roof terrace managed to go next door. Marshall: It is. It... is... go! It is. Barney: Tracey, tell Lily what you just said. Tracey: What I just arrived in New York? Barney: No, how you've arrived there. Tracey: I just get off the bus from Iowa. Barney: Come off the bus from Iowa! How lucky that apprentice... dancer off the bus from Iowa... meeting... the producer of the Rockettes? Tracey: I believe in a classic story of showbiz. Lily: Honey, you're there. You're really there. Barney: You can make us one of those rum and beer, that your father loves so much? Tracey: Of course! Lily: Damn. Barney: What? Lily: Everyone always says, "Do not tell Lily. Lily can not keep a secret. "And, usually, they are right. But this time I kept the secret. And here you come with that crap and you force me to become the Lily will spill the beans! Barney: What song? There was a piece? Lily: There was a song. Flashback Barney: The costume is Robin. I know! Okay? Ted: I'm with you. Barney: Now. As I explained... Ted: What... Barney takes Ted into his arms while Robin is in her room and heard everything. Robin: sh1t. Marshall, Lily and Robin are at the bar. Lily: He said that? My God! What an incredible surprise! Robin: You know since when? Lily is 8 months. Robin: And you've said anything since? Bravo. Marshall: Bravo, Lily. I mean, what a bomb. Who saw this coming? Robin: You know since when? Marshall: 7 months and 29 days. Robin: I will do what? Lily: I know. Are you gonna do? Robin: I'll marry Barney in a large church. We'll move to New Hampshire and open cottages. Marshall: Really? Robin: No! This is Barney. I mean... This is Barney. But it's Barney. I have to say no. Lily: Boy, you're going to break her... The thing that this black mud pump through his veins. Robin: You're right. For the first time he likes a girl, she pushes him away? And not just any girl. It's going to destroy it. Marshall: OK, first... Second, there is a trick you can try. It's risky, but it can pay off. Lack of anything better, I'll call it... The Mosby. Robin: The Mosby? Lily: No, she can not mosbyser. Marshall: It could squarely mosbyser. Robin: What is the Mosby? Marshall: Do you remember your first time with Ted? You wanted to get on the train Ted, visit his yard. Robin: I was ready to jump the turnstile. Marshall: What changed everything? Ted and Robin dance. Ted: I think I love you. Robin: What? Robin: The Mosby! It's great! And... excuse me. Marshall: You're really pretty, but abnormally high and you will not believe in ghosts. End flashback Barney: So... when she said love me, she meant... otherwise. Lily: That's it. It worked well. You are back to normal. Barney: Yes. It's true. And it's great. It's great. (Tracey returns) So Robin does not like me. Lily: No. Barney: Why? [SCENE_BREAK] At the apartment... Ted: Mr. Goat? (He tries to open the bathroom but the door is closed) M. The goat? Enough. (He manages to enter) Crazy Goat. I do not understand your fascination with this mop. It should be normal with a brain the size of a... The goat runs toward him. On the roof... Lily: Marshall, you can pick up Ted? Marshall: I was about to jump. You've not heard saying "OK" loop? Lily: I'm sorry. Go ahead and jump. Marshall: It's good. Sorry, everyone. Lily does not want me jumping. (He descends from the rim) Thank God. Marshall found Ted lying on the ground and the goat on top of him. Ted: The hospital! At the hospital... Lily: What has happened? Ted: It happened... you left a wild animal in our apartment. I've been attacked. Lily: This is the sweetest and adorable goat in the world. Ted: "The sweetest and adorable goat in the world"? Ted (2030): I lacked sleep, it was certainly not like that, but that's how I remember it. Flashback Ted struggles with the goat. End flashback Doctor: You're the one who wanted to be a goat? Ted: It's the goat jumped on me! Can I go? Doctor: Yes. But remember, "Bee" means "bee". Ted: Great, I'm late for my presentation. Thank you, Mr. Goat. Lily: Mr. Goat? It's a girl. Her name is Missy. Marshall: You got beat by a girl. Ted leaves the room followed by Marshall and Lily. Barney: So... You're in love with me? Robin: What? Yes. Much. Barney: You can stop. Lily told me everything. Robin: Damn, Lily! Barney: I can not believe it. Robin: It's just... You mean to me, Barney. And... This kind of stuff, the emotional side. This is not your type. I thought you avoid that. Barney: Maybe I will not avoid it. I am perhaps. I have not wanted for a long time. But with you, it does not look so...difficult. I know not. I thought... you felt the same. Robin: Maybe. I know not. I am not good to face the feelings.There is clearly something... between us. Maybe my head said, "stifles it in the bud" because my heart said... something else. Listen... I feel for you. Maybe even that I love you. Barney: It's going pretty fast, do not you think? Robin: What? Barney: We're good friends. Why risk everything? Friends? Robin: Friends. Barney: My God. You just do it again. You've mosbysé! Robin: But no. Barney: But if, little flirtatious. Robin: You're right. I've just mosbyser. Barney: Why are you scared to try? Robin: Because I'm afraid of how I could love you. Barney: Bad idea. Robin: You're right. There must be a mistake. Barney: No. Robin: I love you. Barney: Friends. Robin: Friends, then. Barney: I love you. Robin: Let's get married. Barney: No, you're smothering me. Robin: OK, forget it. They kiss. Barney: You know what? We'll see later. Robin: Yeah, let's go. They finally come out of the hospital room. Ted (2030): It was a long and crazy night, but in the morning, against all odds, I made my presentation. Ted: There he is, gentlemen. Rib Town. Is it not? Is it not? Man: Ted, listen. You are great and you did a... great job, and you'll make other restaurants very happy one day, but... we...decided to go... in another direction. Ted: What? Man 2: Treat yourself with... Rib Town! Ted: Sven... At the apartment... Marshall: I'll tell you, I will eat more chops. Barney: Yeah, right. Marshall: I will not eat.. never... chops! Before Ted! Ted: It's a disaster. How I will recover? Lily: OK, I'm just asking. You really want to recover? Ted: What does that mean? Lily: Architecture is killing you and it kills us to see her kill you.You're like the goat with the mop. You want it so much, and whenever the world try to get the resume, it hooks you. But you know what? This is only a wimp. Why do you want? Ted: Because I have to be an architect. This is... That's the plan. Lily: In the crapper, the plan. I wanted to be a famous artist.Marshall wanted to be environmental lawyer. Robin wanted to be a TV reporter. Robin: I am a TV reporter. I am on the air at 4am. Lily: It continues? Bravo. Robin: What someone looks, please. Lily: Barney wanted to be a violinist. Need not tell me. You can not draw your life as a building. It does not work like that. You must live it and draw it to itself. Ted: So what, I should do anything? Lily: Look what the world tells you to do and took the leap. Marshall: You're right. You're completely right. I love you, Lily. Lily: A metaphorical leap. A metaphorical leap! All: Do not do that. Not cool. Marshall arrives and jump off the roof on the terrace opposite. Marshall: I did it! Lily: Honey, you did it! Marshall: I can do anything! Lily: It's true! Marshall: I bought a motorcycle! Lily: No, not at all! Marshall: OK, sorry. Come on, guys. Robin jumps in turn, then Barney, followed by Lily and Ted. Ted (2030): This is the year that I was left at the altar. The year I was a bartender tared Knocked The year I got fired. The year I got beat by a goat. A girl goat, and more. Yet it was the best year of my life. Because if this had not happened, I never had the best job of my life. But most importantly, I would not have met your mother, because as you know... It was in this class.Of course, this story is just beginning.

Ted is trying to keep his architecture firm afloat by working all night, but Marshall tries to lure him to the roof for a surprise 31st birthday party. Robin finally learns about Barney's secret feelings for her.

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_02x04

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_02x04_0

"TAMARA'S RETURN" Cast Dawson: James Van Der Beek Grams: Mary Beth Peil Joey: Kaite Holmes Tamara: Leann Hunley Pacey: Joshua Jackson Mitch: John Wesely Shipp Jen: Michelle Williams Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes Andie: Meredith Monroe Jack: Kerr Smith *Dawson and Joey are making out outside on a blanket* Joey: Dawson... Dawson: What? *Joey sits up* Dawson: What? Joey: What are we doing? Dawson: What does it look like we're doing? Joey: It's just not working. I mean, I'm freezing and there's bugs. Can't we go somewhere else? Dawson: W...Well...we can't go to my house and we can't go to your house so our options are kind of limited. Joey: I know but I feel too Swiss Family Robinson. I mean, I'm a 20th century girl. We should make out in some music, mood lighting and climate control. Dawson: Where's your sense of romance? We've got gorgeous moonlight shimmering in the water. We've got stars overhead...crickets chirping...we have plenty of trees and if you get cold you've got me to keep you warm. Joey: Dawson... Dawson: What? Joey: You are so cheesy. Dawson: You don't like it? Joey: Are you kidding? I find it unbearably sexy. *They start making out again* [Opening Credits] *Cut to Mitch and Dawson walking down a sidewalk in Capeside* Dawson: I was beginning to think this whole restaurant idea of yours was just a [missed phrase]. Mitch: Not if I can find the proper location. And this woman swears that I'm not going to find a better deal than her warehouse. Dawson: Where are you meeting her? Mitch: Right here. She said she'd meet me at 8. *Dawson looks up and sees Tamara Jacobs heading towards them* Tamara: Dawson. Dawson: *surprised* Miss Jacobs. Tamara: Well, I'm not your teacher anymore, Dawson, you can call me Tamara. Mitch: Tamara Jacobs, I'm Mitch Leery. We spoke on the phone. Tamara: Yes, Mitch. Hello. Dawson: Are you moving back into town? Tamara: No, I'm just in Capeside for a few days to sell this property. Dawson: Well, I...I should get going to school. Mitch: Yeah. Dawson: Bye Mis--*catches himself* Tamara. *Tamara laughs* *Cut to Capeside High. Dawson catches up to Pacey* Dawson: Pacey, hey! I need to talk to you. Pacey: Let me guess. You and Joey are having another love spat and you want my opinion. Well, here it is. Joey is being sarcastic and oversensitive and you, my friend, are being self-absorbed and self-catering. Dawson: This has nothing to do with Joey and me this has to do with you. Pacey: What? Do I owe you money again? Dawson: No, my dad and I were walking downtown today and we ran into somebody. Pacey: Who? *Andie walks up to her locker* Pacey: Hey look who the cat dragged in. Andie: Nice to see you too Pacey. Don't worry. I'm just here to get a few books out of my locker then I'll be on my merry way. Pacey: Tell me Dawson, who was it? Dawson: You know we should really talk about this in private. Pacey: God, you know what? I've got to go. If I'm late to Mr. Matick's class again he's going to have an aneurysm. I'll catch up with you after school. Dawson: No, I've got to meet Joey for this art thing. Pacey: Ah, the sacrifices we make for young love, huh? Listen, man, just talk to me later! *Cut to Joey and Jack* Joey: Hey, Jack. Jack: Hey Jo. Joey: Bad news. Suder(?) called and cancelled on Bessie so we can't open this afternoon but the good news is you have the day off. Jack: Okay, but we could open anyway. Joey: Well, I'd love to but Bessie's at home with the baby and I've got to go to an art lecture after school so there's really no one to cover all the tables. Jack: Well, there's me. I could do it. Joey: You? Inspecter Kleso(sp?)? Jack: What? You don't think I could handle it? Joey: Jack, every since we hired you it's been nothing but a slapstick comedy. I mean, you drop dishes, you misplace orders, you fall all over yourself. Jack: Then why don't you just terminate me if I'm such an incompetent moron? Joey: We don't want to terminate you, Jack. *thinks about it* Alright, you can open. Bessie will be relieved and it will be like a test run. Just, uh, don't set the kitchen on fire or anything...okay? Jack: Yeah, well, thanks for that unqualified vote of confidence. *Cut to lunch. Jen is sitting when Abby comes up and holds money in front of her face.* Jen: Oh, Abby. Would you get that out of my face? *Abby laughs then sits down* Abby: Oh come on. It's allowance time and I feel a major buying binge coming on. So tomorrow get your pocketbook and a sensible pair of shoes and let's go blow some major dough. Jen: You know, I really don't feel like shopping. Abby: Don't feel like shopping?! Jen: No. Abby: You don't feel like shopping and you call yourself a woman! Jen: I'm just not feeling all that festive, alright? My plan is to spend the weekend in bed...counting my ceiling tiles. Abby: Please, don't tell me this has something to do with your ludicrous Dawson Leery fixation. *Jen looks at her.* Abby: Jen, damn it! You're such an ass! Jen: Shhh! Abby: I mean what is so great about Dawson Leery? He's just a guy with a motormouth and a limp billy(?) club. Turn over a rock and find yourself another guy. The whole world's crawling with them. Jen: Look, it's not that easy, okay? I mean, I got rejected. It hurts. And to make matters worse...that whole Dawson-Joey-Pacey troyca(sp?) I just hate being on the outskirts of it, you know? I mean I used to fit in. Abby: Count your blessings. Those people are boring. Jen: Yeah. Yeah, well, I guess I just need a few days to nurse my narsocistic wounds. Abby: Jen, you've had a few days. You're practically in hibernation. Winter is over, Jen. Come out of your cave. And I need you with me. Jen: What could you possibly need me for? All I'm going to do is rain on your parade. Abby: Well, shopping for me is like deep sea diving. It's dangerous and exciting, and if I do it alone I may never come up for air. Please don't let me go by myself. I could drown in a sea of dresses and hair gel. *They laugh* *Cut to a classroom. Andie drops some movies* Pacey: *picking them up* McPhee. I didn't know you were a closet movie freak. I just thought you were a freak in general. *reads titles* Ghost, The Way We Were, pardon me as a gag, oh my god, Dumbo. Andie: Okay, so I have a grade school mentality when it comes to movies. Get off my back. Pacey: No, no, I love Dumbo. Andie: You love Dumbo? Pacey: Are you kidding? It's my pantion(?) of all time favorites. I cried when I saw it as a kid. Andie: You cried during Dumbo? Pacey: Are you joking me? I bawled my head off. I mean, the way those elephants made fun of him for those fat, floppy ears and then he loses his mother. Oh my lord, that's one of the saddest movies ever. Andie: This is really strange. Pacey: What is? Andie: Well, just when I've written you off for good you drop this whole Dumbo bomb on me. Pacey: Hey, look, uh, I'm outta here and I got no plans so uh what do you say we walk around downtown or something? Andie: Yeah, right, what's the joke? Pacey: No joke. I got no plans. And, believe it or not, I'd rather spend the afternoon exchanging barks with a bright like yourself than flying solo so pinch yourself, it's your lucky day. So you in? Andie: Yeah, I mean, might as well. Pacey: Unless you have your heart set on watching Dumbo. Andie: Nah, I've seen it like 500 times. You're not going to throw me in front of a bus or anything? Pacey: Interesting idea. Hadn't thought of that. *Cut to art lecture.* Laura: I'd like to close with this piece, "Winter Mist". It's Jarvis' most famous work. No one can deny after looking at this exquisitely tuned surface that this picture that the positions of color and shape.. *Dawson has a skeptical look on his face. Joey looks like she's concentrating and interested.* Laura: (cont.) the intensity of his lines...that Jarvis was in complete control of his new technique. Sadly, three weeks after Jarvis completed "Winter Mist" he died from alcohol poisoning. Despite his untimely death, Jarvis left a lasting impression on the art world and his title of one of the abstract expressionists of the 20th century...will live on. *Audience claps.* *Cut to Dawson and Joey walking outside* Joey: The art lecture was great wasn't it? Dawson: It was certainly...prolonged. Joey: You hated it. Dawson: No, not at all. I just don't think abstract impressionism is really my thing. Joey: Your thing? Dawson: Yeah, I don't know it just seemed so unresolved. Joey: Unresolved? Dawson: Yeah, I mean it's just a blob of paint that offers up more questions than answers. Joey: A blob of paint, Dawson? Dawson: Well, like "Winter Mist" for example. What was the ultimate emotion expressed in that painting? Joey: Dawson, newsflash. Just because a painting does not have a beginning, middle, and an end like some summer release, popcorn movie doesn't mean it's not charged with emotion, okay? Dawson: I guess I like my art with a verdict. Specific, coherent, and to the point. Like romanticism. I can totally get into romanticism....if you know what I mean. Joey: Yes, I know what you mean. *Laura walks up.* Laura: Hey guys. Dawson: Hey Laura! Great lecture. Laura: Did you really like it? Joey: It was awesome. Laura: Tomorrow I'm teaching an art class so if you two are interested in auditing(?) you're definitely welcome. Dawson: I've got to work. Laura: Joey? Joey: I'm afraid my artistic skills peaked in the 3rd grade. Laura: Ah, it's a beginner's class. You don't have to be Picasso, just willing. *Joey considers it* *Cut to Pacey and Andie walking downtown* Andie: This truck literally came out of nowhere and I didn't see it so now my Saab's back in the shop. Pacey: Another accident? You are officially the world's worst driver. *Pacey sees Tamara* Andie: Pacey? Pacey what's wrong? Tamara: Hello Pacey. Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend? *Pacey just stands there.* Tamara: Tamara Jacobs. Andie: Nice to meet you. I'm Andie. Tamara: Pacey was a former student of mine. Pacey: Yeah, I was her teacher and she was...no, I was her student and she was my teacher. Tamara: Well, I'm late for an appointment. It was really nice to see you, Pacey. Pacey: Yeah, likewise. Tamara: And nice to meet you, too, Andie. Take care. *She walks off.* Andie: Pacey what's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost. Pacey: No I haven't seen her for awhile and she was my teacher and uh... Andie: Your teacher. Did she flunk you or something? Pacey: Uh, no, no. Uh, you know what, Andie? I think I'm going to have to take a raincheck on this. Um, I'm really sorry, but I've got to go, okay? Andie: What? Are you serious? *Cut to Pacey watching Tamara enter a warehouse.* *Cut to art class.* Laura: I'm on to you, Joey. Joey: What do you mean? Laura: How many other talents have you been hiding from me? Joey: Please, it's an apple and a banana. It's hardly the second coming. Laura: You can be as self-depreciating as you want. It doesn't change the fact that you're a natural. You, my friend, have a gift. Do you draw much? Joey: Uh, when I was little, I did. I wanted to be like my mom was. Laura: Was? Why did she stop? Joey: She, uh, she didn't. She...she died. Laura: Oh, I'm so sorry, Joey. That must have been incredibly difficult. When? Joey: A few years ago. She had breast cancer. Laura: She was an artist? Joey: Sort of. I mean, she taught herself. She wasn't a professional...like you. She just kind of did it for fun. I remember she used to draw pictures from my favorite stories and hang them in my room. Laura: So, art must be in your genes. Joey: I don't know. I guess. Laura: Well, if you enjoy this, Joey, I think that you should really pursue it. I could recommend some great classes. *Joey looks at her.* Laura: Okay, why the look? Joey: Are you serious? Laura: I'm very serious, and you know what? You should take yourself a little more seriously. I mean, I may not be a great artist, but I like to think I have an eye. And my eye says you're good. Joey: Why, when you say that, do I suddenly feel overcome with anxiety? Laura: Because with talent comes responsibility, and you owe it to yourself not to let this talent go to waste. *Cut to Dawson's house. Andie knocks on Dawson's door* Dawson: Be right there. *He opens it.* Andie: Hey Dawson. Dawson: Andie. Hey, come on in. I'm just having a domestic spell. What are you...what are you doing here? Andie: Uh, what am I doing here? I was in the neighborhood, and I was wondering what the english assignment is for Monday, so I thought you might know, and....here I am. Dawson: It's the first chapter of Gulliver's Travels. Andie: Cool. Great. I'm going to go home right now and read it. Thanks. Dawson: Andie? Andie? Are you sure that's why you came by? *Andie hesitates* Andie: I don't really know you, Dawson, but if I ask you something, do you swear that you'll keep it in the strictest of confidence. Dawson: Yeah, absolutely. Andie: Has Pacey said anything to you about...possibly liking someone? Dawson: Liking someone? Liking who? Andie: Liking, oh, I don't know...me? Dawson: Uh, not that I recall. Andie: Oh. Dawson: But that doesn't mean he doesn't like you. He could very well like you. He just doesn't say anything to me. Why? Do you...do you like him? Andie: Me? Like Pacey? No way...well...maybe....possibly. Dawson: Why don't you just tell him? Andie: I could never, EVER tell Pacey that. I mean, he's a pig. He's obnoxious. There's just no way, and you have to swear to me that you will not tell him either. Dawson: Why do I feel like I'm in 2nd grade? Andie: Dawson, please. Dawson: Okay, I won't say a word. I swear. But...I've know Pacey a long time, and that obnoxious pig behavior is sometimes his attempt at flirtation. Andie: Really? Dawson: Yeah. Andie: Okay! Thanks! I'll see you around! *She walks away and then turns around and hands him back the boxers she had picked up and been holding of his.* *Cut to Abby and Jen sitting down at a table in a restaurant.* Abby: Now, that was what I call a shopping spree. I can't believe I blew my entire monthly allowance in less than 20 minutes. That is a record for me...I think. Jen: How are you going to explain it to you parents? Abby: The usual....I got mugged. Jen: In Capeside? You are crazy. Abby: You love me, right? I mean, this morning you had that whole hung-jawed, woe-is-jen thing, but now look at you. You're smiling, you're laughing, you've got new lipstick. Aren't you glad you met me? Jen: You know what? I am. I mean, I left New York because I couldn't handle being the bad girl anymore, but, I tell you, if being the bad girl means not walking around in a perpetual state of loneliness and depression, then bad girl it is. Abby: I'm glad I'm getting you back to your roots. Oh my God! Jen, don't look now, but the biggest babe I've ever seen in my life is sitting right behind you. *Jen turns around and looks.* Abby: Mine. I called him. Jen: No way, Abby. Look at the guy. He's, like, twice your age. Abby: Perfect. That means he's almost mature enough to handle me. I'm so sick of these little boys. I need a real man with chest hair and body odor and illegitimate children scattered across the country. *towards the guy* Excuse me! Hi, uh, what's your name? Jen: *to Abby* Shut up! Vincent: Vincent. Abby: Hi, Vincent. I'm Abby, and this is my friend Jen. So, you're eating alone? *Vincent nods* Abby: Well, you're welcome to come join us. We don't bite, unless we're asked to. Vincent: I'd love to join you ladies, but I have to get to the docks. Abby: The docks? What do you do there? Sunbathe? Vincent: I'm a fisherman. Got a 2-month stint on a long-liner, hauling swordfish. Abby: Oh, so you're not from Capeside? Well, if you ever want somebody to show you the sights, give me a call. Abby Morgan, 555-0142. Vincent: Thanks for the offer. *to Jen* I didn't catch your name. Jen: Jen. Vincent: Jen. It's nice meeting you, Jen. Jen: You too. *Cut to Joey sitting sketching when Dawson walks up.* Dawson: Hey you! *Joey closes her sketchpad.* Joey: Hi. Dawson: What's up? Joey: Nothing. Dawson: *pointing to the sketchpad* That's not nothing. What is it? Joey: It's a sketchpad. I was just doodling. It's no big deal. Dawson: Well, what were you doodling? Joey: Well, if you must know, a bowl of fruit. It was something I was working on in Laura's class. Dawson: A bowl of fruit? You're really getting into this whole art thing. Well, let's see it. Joey: No! Dawson: Come on! Joey: I don't think so. Dawson: Why not? I like this new art interest. You know, Joey Potter: Artist extraordinaire, empress of all impressionism, *getting on top of the table* master of all still life. I hereby declare myself a full-fledged, madly enthusiastic fan of your new hobby. *They kiss.* Joey: Dawson, why is it your obsession with movies is your life passion, while my interest in art is a hobby? Dawson: Ah! I knew, I knew as soon as I said "hobby" that it was the wrong word, but by the time I said it, it was already *noticing Joey getting her things together* it was gone, and there was no getting it back. Joey: You know, I really have to finish up, so I'll see you later. Dawson: Well, so you're just going to leave it like this? Joey: Like what? Unresolved? Dawson: Yeah. Joey: Why don't you just consider me a nonspecific, incoherent, expressionistic painting? *kisses him on the cheek then slaps him on the back* Have a GREAT day, Dawson. [SCENE_BREAK] *Cut to Pacey at Tamara's* Pacey: Hi. Tamara: Hi. Pacey: I was debating whether or not I should actually do this, uh, the "this" being coming out to see you because...you know, when we said hi yesterday it was, uh, a little.....awkward. And I don't know, I just thought that I should come-- Tamara: Pacey? Pacey: Yeah? Tamara: It was supposed to feel awkward. Pacey: How about this? Is this supposed to feel awkward, too? Tamara: M-hm. Pacey: And if we were to see each other a third time? Tamara: Still awkward. Pacey: Oh, good. Well, at least there's a science to this thing. Tamara: Yes. It's what we ex-English teachers call a classic "Pinter" moment, where everything is said in silence because the emotion behind what we really want to say is just too overwhelming. Pacey: And, uh, that's what we're having? A "Pinter" moment? Tamara: Yes. Pacey: That's okay with you? Tamara: Well, silence is an acquired taste. The more complicated life becomes the better it is to learn to say nothing. Pacey: Okay. Then, uh, maybe we could have just a couple more seconds of silence? Tamara: Sure. Pacey: Who is this Pinter guy? Tamara: Stay in school, Pacey. *Pacey starts walking away.* Pacey: Yes, Miss Jacobs. *Cut to Mitch and Dawson in the Leery's kitchen.* Mitch: Want some breakfast? Dawson: No. I'll just have some juice. I gotta go find Joey. Mitch: How are the two lovebirds? Dawson: Um, good...I think. This art obsession is making Joey a little crazy. I can't do or say anything right. I made the mistake of teasing her about this art lecture. She went sybil on me. Mitch: Well, in my experience, Dawson, erratic behavior of the female orientation usually means the root of the problem is something unexpected. It's probably not about art. Go find out what it is. Dawson: Is this your father knows best moment? Mitch: Have one every now and then. FInd her. Talk to her. Dawson: Alright, thanks. *Pacey walks in and Mitch leaves* Pacey: Hello. Dawson: Hey Pacey! The man, the myth, the legend. Pacey: Listen, Dawson, that little secret you had yesterday...Tamara? You really should've told me. Dawson: I tried to tell you. You were off and down the hall before I could get it out. Pacey: Well, you see, we got a situation here, now, because I realized last night that I'm not entirely over her. Dawson: Oh, boy. Um, Pacey, I'm your friend and I want to be supportive, and helpful, but the only thing I can think of to say to you in good conscience is stay away. You haven't even fully recovered from the gossip fallout of your last completely illegal interlude. There are girls your age, there are girls who like you. Would it be so terrible if you fell for one of them? Pacey: Like who? Dawson: Like the one who came to my house yesterday and told me that she liked you. Pacey: Who? Dawson: I'm not supposed to say. Pacey: Dawson, I'm not in the mood. Who? Dawson: Andie. Andie likes you. Pacey: Andie hates me. Dawson: When a girl hates you the way Andie hates you, it really means that she likes you. That's basic kindergarten psychology. Pacey: Yeah, but that's different, Dawson. Andie's a girl, okay? And Tamara...Tamara's a woman. Dawson: Exactly. Pacey, you should be with a girl. Okay, look, I gotta go and I'm really sorry, but I'm begging you, as your friend, don't go there. *Cut to Icehouse* Joey: Hey Bessie! You think I could have the day off since there's nobody here and there's this huge art exhibit at the college I'm dying to go see? Bessie: Sure. I'll hold down the fort. Joey: You are, without a doubt, my favorite sister. Bessie: I'm your only sister. Bessie: And hey, Joey, this place is dead. Why don't you take Jack with you? Joey: There's priceless art at this exhibit. He could do some serious damage. Bessie: Just take him. I feel sorry for him. He just sits around looking dopey. Joey: Hey, Jack! Do you know what an art exhibit is? Jack: Yeah... Joey: Do you want to go to one? Jack: Sure. Joey: *to Bessie* This should be entertaining. *Cut to Mitch and Tamara in the warehouse.* Mitch: It's a great space. Location's ideal, with a little work, of course. Tamara: Well, I probably shouldn't be telling a prospective buyer this, but I am eager to sell so you're going to get a good deal. Mitch: Trying to outrun some financial difficulties? Tamara: *laughs* We both know my problems weren't strictly financial. Mitch: Yeah, well, since you brought it up. Um, a student, wasn't it? Tamara: Yes, something like that. Um, the ceiling needs fixing up, but the windows are completely new. From what I've heard, you're no stranger to scandal yourself. Mitch: Only if your definition of scandal includes your wife having an affair with her co-anchor but if you don't mind, uh, I'd like to give that image a rest for the afternoon. Tamara: Understood. *Cut to Abby and Jen pacing the docks.* Jen: Abby, we've been pacing these docks for, like, 2 hours. What are we still doing here? I'm starting to feel kind of stupid. Abby: What do you think? We're look for Vincent. Jen: Who? Abby: Vincent. Jen: The fisherman? Abby: The babe. We're on hunk patrol. Jen: Oh my God, Abby, you've got to be kidding me. There's got to be, like, a hundred different boats here. We have no idea which one he's working on. We're not going to find him, and yeah, he may be good looking but he's old enough to be your father. Haven't you ever heard of statutory rape? Abby: Oh shut up! *Cut to art exhibit* Joey: We don't have to stay long. I just want to take a look around. I know this must be incredibly boring for you. Jack: Boring? Jarvis is, like, my all-time favorite expressionist. Joey: Your favorite expressionist? Jack: Yeah, you know about him? Joey: Just that he was an alcoholic and he died young. Jack: And he was a genious. Look...amazing painter. And, you k now what? He was severely manic-depressive so, like, half of his paintings are all, well, chaotic and...and colorful and the other half...the other half are, like, real...suggestive, you know? But this *pointing to a painting* this one. This is his most famous painting..."Winter Mist". I love it when a painting can really affect you emotionally. I mean, I find this one really intence. *Joey is staring at him shocked.* Jack: What? What are you looking at Joey: Nothing. I just had no idea you were such an art connoisseur. Jack: What? You think my only talents are waiting tables? Joey: No because if that was your only talent, then you'd be completely talentless. Jack: Oh-ho-ho. I see. So, not only are you shocked to find out I have a brain in my head, you think I'm a terrible waiter on top of it? Joey: You know you're a sucky waiter, Jack. Jack: No way! I'm awesome! Alright. Maybe, every once in awhile, I mess up an order-- Joey: Jack, "every once in awhile"? You're a walking sight gag. Jack: Sight gag. Joey: Yeah. Jack: Well, I guess that's one way of looking at me. But just like if some shallow person stumbled across all these paintings and labeled them, like, I don't know, messy or meaningless, you know? But if you stare at the images long enough, you can see they're filled with great power and passion...intelligence. Joey: I'm sorry, Jack. Jack: For what? Joey: For jumping to the wrong conclusions. I mean, there's obviously a lot more to you than pratfalls. Jack: Well, Joey, you ain't seen nothing yet! Joey: *laughing* Okay... *Cut to Abby and Jen. They found Vincent.* Abby: Hey there, Mr. Man! We've been looking for you. Vincent: You came all the way down here looking for me? Aren't I a lucky guy? Abby: You have no idea just how lucky uou are. Vincent: What can I do for you, Abby? Abby: You remembered my name. Vincent: I never forget a pretty face. Abby: Well, we came down to invite you out. I was thinking a night on the town is in order. A little joyride up the cape. There's a watering hole in Portsmouth where we could throw back a couple of drinks. I'm sure you've heard of it...Whitey's? It's all the rage with you laborers. Vincent: "Laborer"? Is that my designated label? Abby: No, don't take it the wrong way. I love laborers. They're sexy and they know what to do with their hands. Vincent: Well, I'm going to have to pass. Abby: Pass? What do you mean? Why? Vincent: I'll tell you why. I'm not interested in playing some blue-collar pin-up for some oversexed, condescending teenybopper. Abby: Excuse me? Vincent: Thanks for coming by and slumming it. Abby: *to Jen* Let's go. *Jen holds back* Jen: Vincent? Hey...Abby's got a particular way with words that, that sometimes the stuff she says comes out wrong, but she means well, mostly. Anyway, the only reason we came all the way down here is because she likes you, so give her a break, would you? Vincent: It's Jen, right? Jen: Yeah. Vincent: I have to be honest. I don't like your friend. I think she's a stuck-up phony who wouldn't know a real man from a hole in the wall, but you...you're different. I can tell, and if you'd like to, I'd be happy to take you out sometime. But do me a favor, leave Abby at home. Abby: Jen! Jen, come on! Vincent: Hey, Jen. Thanks for coming by! *Cut to Jack and Joey outside the exhibit* Joey: I've actually started doing some drawing on my own. Jack: Really? Joey: Yeah. Jack: That's cool. I'd love to see anything you've done. I mean, if you want to show it to me. Joey: Well, there's not much to see, really. Laura just had us working on a bowl of fruit, which isn't the most inspiring subject matter to say the least. Jack: See, you shouldn't be wasting your time drawing things you're not passionate about. Draw what you love. Joey: What I love? Jack: Yeah. That's what artists do. They go to a place inside themselves, and they find what inspires them, you know? Draw what's important to you. *Dawson walks up.* Joey: *to Dawson* What are you doing here? Dawson: I was looking all over for you. I went to the Icehouse and Bessie said you were here. Jack: So, uh, Joey, I'm going to take off. Joey: No, we can all walk back together. Jack: No, that's cool. I've got some errands to run, but listen, I had a blast. Joey: Me too. Thank you for coming. Jack: Sure. Dawson: So you want to check out the exhibit? Joey: I already did, Dawson. Dawson: Do you want to show me the paintings you like? Joey: Dawson, it's okay. I know this isn't your thing. You earned your points just by coming. That's enough. Dawson: No, Joey, I want to be here. I want to be with you. Jo, talk to me. What's wrong? I know I hurt your feelings by being too flip about this art thing, and I'm sorry. It was never my intention, believe me. I'm just trying to be us, Dawson and Joey, who analyze and argue and debate and disagree. You've put me in my place a thousand times about some movie. Why can't we just interchange subject? It might actually be a refreshing change. Joey: It is SO much more than that, Dawson. Dawson: Then why are you closing yourself off to me? What's changed? Joey: That's the point, DawsoN! Nothing's changed! You, me, we're exactly the way we've always been and I am SO tired of it! *Cut to Pacey and Tamara in her warehouse.* Pacey: So I looked up this Pinter guy. Harold, playwright, the king of subtext. You say one thing, but you mean another. We're big on that here in Capeside. Tamara: *laughs* Yes, I know. Pacey: Do you think it's possible for us to have a moment without all the subtext? Tamara: Uh, I don't know, Pacey. Words have always gotten us into so much trouble. Pacey: Yeah, well, that's not going to happen this time. I bet you thought I came over to your house the other day to pour out my wounded heart to you, to confess just how much I miss you, and to tell you that seeing you the other day brought back all the old feelings. But, really, I'm fine. You know, I keep thinking that I shouldn't be over this, but I am. You know, sexually, we were pretty good together, but in all other respects, we were on 2 different planets, and that's what I came to tell you the other day. I'm fine. I've grown up. Tamara: You have. I see that. Pacey: So *laughs* I guess this is it...the last big goodbye. Tamara: Goodbye Pacey. *He starts to leave and then turns around and him and Tamara go at it.* Pacey: I think we could probably both benefit from one of those silent moments right now. Tamara: Yes, I think so. Pacey: This Pinter guy was really onto something. Woo. Tamara: Yes, he was. Pacey: Um, Tamara.. Tamara: You know what, Pacey? Uh, I have a buyer coming here in, like, an hour, and I really need to clean up this place. Pacey: Is that subtext again? Tamara: No. Pacey: Listen, I know it's over, okay? It has to be, but I just...I need to know, um, oh, God...do you...miss...teaching? Tamara: Yes.....very much. Pacey: Good. Because I miss your teaching....very much. *He leaves.* *Cut to Jen and Abby in the hall* Jen: Abby, I like your dress. Did I tell you that? Abby: Only about 300 times. Jen: Alright, I give up. What did I do? Why are you punishing me? Abby: I liked that guy. We went down there for me...and you just stole him right out from under me. I saw the looks you were giving him, batting your eyelashes at him with the mascara I bought you. Jen: Abby, that's not true! I didn't do anything. Abby: And after everything I've done for you. And, I mean, I like one guy, just one guy, and you can't step out of the spotlight long enough for me to get him. Jen: Look, you can have him, okay? I don't want him. You're my friend. That's what's important to me. Abby: Screw the crap. Friends don't compete over the same guy. Jen: Don't blame me just because you got rejected. Abby: I didn't get rejected. That's your specialty, not mine. *Cut to Joey and Dawson* Joey: Can we talk? Dawson: Yeah, if you explain what's going on. You're scaring me, and I'm afraid if I say anything it's going to lead to a fight. Joey: Dawson, look, I've been thinking of how to make you understand my behavior lately. You know, why I've been pushing you away but then I realized that I don't even know, Dawson. All I know is that you are very important to me, and this art thing, whether it be a hobby or my life's passion, is important to me, too. It is the first thing other than you that's been important to me in a long time. Dawson: Joey, that's great. I'm glad you have that. I really am. I just don't want us to lose what's great about us. Joey: Dawson, you've been everything to me, and I have been your sidekick, your confidant, your other half for so long, and that's how our relationship works. And it's a nice place for you, but for me, it's scary because I realized that, aside from you, I don't have anything. My entire life is attached to you, Dawson. I was working on these sketches, and somebody told me to draw what's important to me. What inspires me. What I love...and this is the only thing I could thing of. *She hands him her sketchpad where a picture of Dawson was sketched.* Dawson: Joey, look... Joey: And that's not okay with me, Dawson. I care about you so much, but if I ever lost you, I would be standing here totally void of anything else in my life. I live in total fear of doing nothing, of going nowhere, and that is why I shut you out. Because if I can't have something to hold onto independently from you, then I don't have anything at all. Dawson: First of all, I'm not going anywhere. Secondly, I just want you to be happy. Now, whatever that means, I'll provide it or support it or be completely uninvolved with it. I mean, whatever it takes. I just want us to stop fighting. Joey: Dawson, I wasn't fighting with you. I was fighting with myself. Part of me wanted to send you off from me, and the other part wanted to hold you so tight. Dawson: Well, which part of you won? Jo? Joey: Dawson, I don't mean to sound like a blob of paint, but can we just let this one thing remain unresolved for now? *Dawson sighs and they hug.* *Cut to Pacey knocking on the window at Andie. He walks in and takes a seat.* Pacey: Is this seat taken? *takes a bite of her burger* How's the burger here? Andie: Dawson told you, didn't he? Don't play dumb. When dumb people play dumb, it's very disconcerting. Dawson told you what I told him, and that's why you're acting so weird. Just admit it. Pacey: I really have no idea what you're talking about. Andie: Yes, it's true. I had a brief flash of maybe feeling like I didn't, possibly, hate you. Hm, but it will pass so there's no need to get a big head or anything. Pacey: So you think it'll pass? Andie: It may pass. It most likely will pass. Unless...no. It will definitely pass. In fact, I think it just did. Yep. There it went. It's gone. Pacey: You like me. You really like me! Andie: Pacey, please stop torturing me. Pacey: I want to, but I can't. There's just something about you McPhee. You bring out the sadist in me. *Pacey and Andie glance across the street and see Tamara getting into her car.* Andie: Don't you know that woman? Pacey: I did. But not anymore.

Tamara Jacobs, who left town after her assault of Pacey was exposed, shares an awkward reunion with her former victim. The encounter triggers old emotions in Pacey and curiosity in Andie, who sheepishly confesses to Dawson that she has feelings for Pacey. Meanwhile, Jack and Joey bond over their shared interest in art.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_02x39

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_02x39_0

THE TIME MEDDLER DENNIS SPOONER 5:40pm - 6:05pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. MONASTERY. MAIN HALL (STEVEN pulls the doors fully open.) STEVEN: We can get inside. (They crouch down and walk inside the sarcophagus.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. MONK'S TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (They push open the doors and stand up straight as they find themselves in a familiar looking gleaming control room.) VICKI: (Totally amazed.) It's a TARDIS. The Monk's got a TARDIS! (STEVEN and VICKI walk towards the console which is similar to the DOCTOR'S but on a raised dais. They examine the controls.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. MONASTERY. PASSAGEWAY (Sword still in his hand, the DOCTOR continues to interrogate the MONK.) DOCTOR: I repeat my question: Which fires and what are they for? MONK: All right then. They're a signal for King Hardrada and the Viking fleet. DOCTOR: I see. MONK: They'll think it's a landing place. They'll come in unsuspecting! And then... DOCTOR: Well? Out with it! MONK: I'm going to destroy them! (The DOCTOR looks aghast.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. MONK'S TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (VICKI runs her hands across the controls. Some feet away, STEVEN has found something of interest...) STEVEN: Hey, Vicki. Come and take a look at this. He's...he's got a sort of fantastic private collection. (A small side room off the console room contains hundreds of pieces of art. Oil paintings hang off the walls, gilded statues clutter the floor area in between expensive antique furniture.) VICKI: He's got something from every period and every place. (STEVEN spots something out of place in all these riches. He goes over to a box full of foot long futuristic rockets and kneeling down, picks one up.) STEVEN: Hey, come and take a look at this. (He picks one up. VICKI has found a small notebook and she carries it in her hands as she walks over and crouches next to STEVEN.) STEVEN: It's like some kind of neutron bomb, I think. VICKI: Pretty unpleasant looking things, whatever they are. (She reads the notebook.) STEVEN: Hey, do you know...these could be fired by that weapon we saw on the clifftop. Huh, I wonder what he wants to do? Sink a ship? VICKI: He could sink a whole navy with that lot, I should think. STEVEN: Yes but the point is why would he want to? VICKI: Why has he done a lot of things? Listen to this... STEVEN: Why? What have you got there? VICKI: A logbook. A sort of diary. Listen: "Met Leonardo Da Vinci..." STEVEN: Who? VICKI: Da Vinci - listen! "Met Leonardo Da Vinci and discussed with him the principles of powered flight." STEVEN: What? Da Vinci lived in the...middle ages... I know he tried to build a...flying machine, a sort of aeroplane... VICKI: I know and according to this it was the Monk who put him up to it. And listen to this: "Put two hundred pounds in a London bank in 1968. Nipped forward two hundred years and collected a fortune in compound interest"! [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. MONASTERY. PASSAGEWAY DOCTOR: So that's it! You're a time meddler! No wonder you wanted to get rid of me. And what are you trying to...get up to this time? Mmm? MONK: (Smiling.) I'm sure you'll approve Doctor. DOCTOR: Are you quite mad? You know as well as I do the golden rule about space and time travelling - never, never interfere with the course of history. MONK: And who says so? Doctor, it's more fun my way! I can make things happen ahead of their time! DOCTOR: Is that so? MONK: Yes indeed. For instance, do you really believe the ancient Britons could have built Stonehenge - without the aid of my anti-gravitational lift? DOCTOR: And what mischief are you up to now? Mmm? MONK: Mischief? No, no. A master plan! A master plan to end all master plans! DOCTOR: Oh, is that so? MONK: The whole course of history changed in one single swoop. DOCTOR: By wiping out the Viking fleet? MONK: Exactly, Doctor, exactly! Of course, obviously, I don't have to remind you that the main reason William the Conqueror won the Battle of Hastings, was because King Harold had to march to Stamford Bridge and defeat the Vikings first. DOCTOR: So you plan to save him the journey? Hmm? MONK: That's right. Precisely! A fresh army, no desertions. Why King Harold will kick William back to Normandy before knows what happened. It's quite a plan, eh? DOCTOR: (Gleefully.) Doh, yes! It's quite a plan! It's quite a plan, yes! (The DOCTOR paces round a column as the MONK smiles at his new "ally".) DOCTOR: I count myself a very fortunate person indeed, to be here, in the time - (Suddenly angry.) to prevent this disgusting exhibition! (The smile disappears off the MONK'S face.) MONK: You haven't prevented it yet, Doctor. DOCTOR: Haven't I? Where is this machine? MONK: I don't allow anybody in there? DOCTOR: (Holding the sword at the MONK'S face.) Where is it? Hmm? (The MONK pushes the sword to one side.) MONK: This way, Doctor. DOCTOR: Hmm! (The MONK leads the DOCTOR away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. MONASTERY. PASSAGEWAY OUTSIDE CELL (Holding the back of his head, SVEN staggers out of the DOCTOR'S former cell.) SVEN: Ulf? Ulf, where are you? Ulf? (He storms off to find his companion. ELDRED appears from around a column and wide-eyed, watches him go.) ELDRED: Vikings! [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. MONASTERY. PASSAGEWAY (SVEN finds ULF still bound and gagged. He undoes the gag.) ULF: Where've you been? SVEN: (Untying ULF'S hands.) The Monk tricked me into a cell...then knocked me out. ULF: Can't you even guard one old man? SVEN: You haven't done better yourself. Come on. We should get back to the forest. ULF: No, we'll stay here. SVEN: Here? ULF: Safer than being outside. Unless you prefer to meet the Saxons again. SVEN: They wouldn't take us so easily this time. Nor would we be hampered by the mead. ULF: Maybe not. But I'll choose the monks...and whatever treasure may be stored inside these walls. SVEN: (His eyes lighting up.) Treasure...! [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. MONASTERY. MAIN HALL (Still at swordpoint, the MONK leads the DOCTOR into the main hall and towards the sarcophagus. The MONK looks uneasily at the sword.) MONK: Oh... (The DOCTOR laughs.) MONK: Well, here we are. that's my time ship. DOCTOR: Oh, that's it eh? This horrible block of stone. MONK: This horrible block of stone, as you call it, is a perfect Saxon sarcophagus. DOCTOR: A Saxon what? MONK: Sarcophagus. DOCTOR: Yes...quite so. MONK: And more in keeping with the period, I would say, than a modern police box? (Laughs.) What's the matter, Doctor? Can't you repair your camouflage unit? DOCTOR: Now, now, now, don't try and bamboozle me. It so happens that your "machine" fits into this monastery, but it's sheer luck. MONK: Luck? Luck? Oh no, there's no luck about it. I couldn't have picked a better place for my headquarters than this. A deserted monastery right on the coast, gullible peasants who believe everything I say to them. Ha ha! No Doctor! No, I planned to materialise my ship right on this very spot, disguised as a sarcophagus and here it is! DOCTOR: I see, and all this is part of your master plan? Hmm? MONK: Precisely! (The DOCTOR laughs.) MONK: There's nothing hit or miss about my machine. DOCTOR: Oh, isn't there now? Well, let's have a look at this great wonder, hmm? (They walk round the sarcophagus.) DOCTOR: Yes, well, tell me, er, how does one exactly get into this, er, sarcophagus, hmm? (The MONK laughs.) Hammer and chisel? (The MONK'S laughs stops.) MONK: This way Doctor. (He ducks down to enter the door, then rises up again...) MONK: Oh, er, mind your head. (He ducks back down.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. MONASTERY. ENTRANCE HALLWAY (ELDRED quietly makes his way to the front door and pulls back the bolt. He opens the door and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: EXT. MONASTERY (Looking round and seeing that no one is near, ELDRED clutches his wounded shoulder and runs off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. MONK'S TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (VICKI and STEVEN have found the scroll with the MONK'S ticklist on it.) STEVEN: ...Destroy Viking fleet, Norman landing, Battle of Hastings - Meet King Harold? Well, it seems to tell the whole story. VICKI: Why Steven? Why is he planning to do it? What's his reason? DOCTOR: Ah, that's a very good point, my child, indeed, a very good point. I must ask him that myself! (The DOCTOR and the MONK have entered the TARDIS. VICKI runs over to the DOCTOR and joyfully hugs him.) VICKI: Doctor! You're safe! DOCTOR: Safe? STEVEN: Oh, are we glad to see you, Doctor. DOCTOR: Safe? Oh, my dear! Of course I'm safe. Good gracious me! I see you found the machine. (He passes STEVEN the sword.) Keep your eye on that, young man. I thought I'd told you to wait outside the TARDIS. VICKI: Oh, er, we... STEVEN: Yes...well, we, er... DOCTOR: (Looking at the console.) You know, all this is very surprising. That's a Mark 4! MONK: Yes, yes, indeed. VICKI: Is that later than yours, Doctor? DOCTOR: Hmm? VICKI: (Suddenly remembering.) Oh!...I forgot all about it. DOCTOR: (Examining the console.) Oh...forgot? Forgot what, child? Hmm? VICKI: Doctor...Doctor... DOCTOR: Hmm? VICKI: We haven't...got a time machine...any more. DOCTOR: Haven't we now? Oh, I say! Well...well, I...I wonder what that's supposed to mean, hmm? VICKI: Well, you know...you know we left it on the beach. DOCTOR: Yes, I remember very well, yes. It so happens that I was there at the time! My dear, I may appear a little half witted at times, but I... VICKI: (Trying to speak.) Doctor! DOCTOR: (Exasperated.) Oh! VICKI: The tide came in. DOCTOR: Oh is that all, my child? STEVEN: Well, isn't that enough? DOCTOR: The water cannot affect the TARDIS. It won't wash away. It'll still be there when the tide goes down. Now stop fretting, my dear. (Turning to the MONK.) Well, I must confess, er, I do congratulate you. It's a splendid machine. Although I do note there's been quite a few changes? MONK: Oh, yes indeed, Doctor. In fact this one is fitted with the automatic drift control. DOCTOR: Oh, I see, yes, of course. And, er, thereby you can suspend yourself in space with absolute safety. MONK: Precisely, Doctor. By the way, I tried to get into your police box but the door was locked. (Laughs.) What type's yours, Doctor? DOCTOR: (Curtly.) Mind your own business. (The MONK chuckles.) STEVEN: Look, I take it you both come from the same place, Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes, I regret that we do but I would say that I am fifty years earlier. (Turning back to the MONK.) Now when are you going to answer my questions, hmm? MONK: Which questions? DOCTOR: The reason for this deliberate destruction. MONK: I...I want to improve things. DOCTOR: Improve things! Hmm! Improve things, yes, that's good! Hmm hmm. Very good. (Snaps.) Improve what, for instance? MONK: (Almost to himself.) Well, for instance, Harold, King Harold - I know he'd be a good king. There wouldn't be all those wars in Europe, those...those claims over France went on for years and years. With peace the people'd be able to better themselves. With a few hints and tips from me...they'd be able to have jet airliners by 1320! Shakespeare'd be able to put "Hamlet" on television... DOCTOR: He'd do what? MONK: The play "Hamlet" on television... DOCTOR: Oh, yes, quite so, yes, of course, I do know the medium! MONK: Yeah... STEVEN: We're you going to kill the Vikings? MONK: Yes...yes, I...I was. You see, if I didn't then King ... DOCTOR: What are we going to do with this fellow, hmm? What can we do with this man? He's utterly irresponsible. Hmm! (He paces round the console.) He wants to destroy...the whole pattern of world history. Hmm. (Whilst VICKI and STEVEN concentrate on the DOCTOR'S words, the MONK makes a run for the door.) VICKI: Steven! Doctor! DOCTOR: Hmm? (They run after him out of the door.) DOCTOR: Oh, quick, quick! [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. MONASTERY. MAIN HALL (The MONK runs from the sarcophagus and straight into the arms of SVEN and ULF.) MONK: Ah! Long live King Hardrada! (The DOCTOR, VICKI and STEVEN have come out of the MONK'S TARDIS. The little man points to them.) MONK: Those are your enemies, there! Quick! [SCENE_BREAK] 13: EXT. SAXON SETTLEMENT (A large group of noisy villagers have gathered outside WULNOTH'S hut. Sword in hand, WULNOTH addresses them, trying to convince them that they are in danger. EDITH stands by his side.) WULNOTH: The old man...the old man who journeyed here spoke of a Viking invasion descending on us! (The villagers look astonished and turn to each other with mutters of "Viking Invasion?".) WULNOTH: And the Monk asked us to light beacon fires on the clifftops. (The villagers all cry out. EDITH shouts over their clamour.) EDITH: The old man spoke the truth! He had no reason to lie. (There are more cries.) WULNOTH: Fires on the clifftops would guide the ships in to land. Viking ships! (The crowd cries out again.) EDITH: We know and respect the monastery as a place of worship. But what of the Viking spy who passes himself off as a monk? (The crowd cries out again. Suddenly, EDITH points.) EDITH: Look! (ELDRED staggers into the settlement. Various people say "Eldred!" in shock. The man himself is supported by WULNOTH and EDITH. HE is very weak.) ELDRED: The monastery... WULNOTH: What of it? What have you seen? ELDRED: Vikings... (The crowd repeat "Vikings? in surprise".) ELDRED: The Vikings...hiding there... (The crowd cry out.) EDITH: Is that enough? Do you need more proof? (The crowd cry "No!".) WULNOTH: Arm yourselves! We know how to treat the raiders! (The villagers run off to gather arms.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. MONASTERY. PASSAGEWAY (SVEN and ULF are carrying the box of rockets through the monastery. The box is heavy and the two Vikings have to stop and rest.) MONK: Come along, come along, if we want to send signals to your ships, we mustn't delay like this, you know. ULF: What are these things? MONK: They are, er, they're charms, my son, to guide your ships to sheltered waters. (Laughs.) Come along. (The two Vikings look at each other, then pick the box back up and walk off with it.) MONK: I know you don't understand but, believe me, your ships will know they're there! (Laughs.). [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. MONASTERY. MAIN HALL (His feet and hands bound, STEVEN hops down some steps at the back of the main hall and to the base of the sarcophagus where the DOCTOR and VICKI are sat - similarly bound. The DOCTOR seems to be asleep. STEVEN sits next to VICKI.) STEVEN: I can't find a sharp enough stone anywhere. Those Vikings sure know how to tie knots. VICKI: It looks as though that Monk's going to get away with it after all. STEVEN: Yes, but he can't, can he? Well, I don't know much about history but I do know that William the Conqueror did win the Battle of Hastings. VICKI: Up 'til now he did. If the Monk changes it, I suppose...our memories will change as well. STEVEN: What about the history books? VICKI: Mmm, that's all right. They're not written yet. They'll just write and print the new version. (STEVEN thinks about this.) STEVEN: But that means that...the exact minute...the exact second that he does it...every history book, every...well, the whole future of every year and time on Earth will change, just like that and nobody'll know that it has? VICKI: I suppose that's...what I'm trying to say. STEVEN: Well, there's more to this time travelling than meets the eye. (He looks over at the DOCTOR.) STEVEN: What's the matter with the Doctor? He's not gone to sleep has he? (VICKI shuffles over to him.) VICKI: Doctor, are you awake? (The DOCTOR'S eyes open. He is instantly alert.) DOCTOR: Wide awake, my dear. As a matter of fact, I was just turning over in my mind what we're going to do with this Monk fellow. He won't listen, he's determined to have his own way. He's got to be stopped. He must be stopped! [SCENE_BREAK] 16: EXT. FOREST (WULNOTH, EDITH, ELDRED and the other villagers stealthily make their way through the forest towards the monastery. They are armed with staves and spears. They disturb some birds in the trees and pause to see if it has alerted any of their enemies who may be in hiding. After a second, WULNOTH moves them on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT MONASTERY. ENTRANCE HALL (The MONK with ULF and SVEN arrive in the entrance hall with the box of rockets.) MONK: Come along, come along, yes, yes, they are rather heavy, aren't they, but they're a sort of special charm, you understand? ULF: And where are we taking them? MONK: To the clifftop. Now come along. I won't be stopped. Hurry - I'll open the door for you. (He does so.) MONK: There. Come. (ULF and SVEN carry the box outside.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: EXT. MONASTERY (They are immediately attacked by the Saxons. ULF and SVEN drop the box and run inside the monastery, pursued by the villagers.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. MONASTERY. ENTRANCE HALL (The MONK hides, unseen, behind the door as the pursued and the pursuers run past, all shouting. He thinks they have all come through the door and is about to step out of hiding, but two more run in, making him dive for cover behind the door again. With a look of worry now that his plans are upset, he hitches up his habit runs outside the monastery.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: EXT. MONASTERY (He is not as safe as he hoped, as immediately behind him are the two Vikings followed by the roaring Saxons.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. MONASTERY. MAIN HALL (EDITH has found the three travellers and she is untying their bonds.) DOCTOR: Oh...ah...yes, thank you. Thank you indeed. Oh, it's a good thing for us that you decided to make a search, hmm? EDITH: Oh, without your help, we'd never have known the Monk was a Viking spy, would we? DOCTOR: Ah, yes, the Monk now - was he caught, hmm? EDITH: Now Wulnoth and the others will not let him escape nor the two Vikings that are with him. DOCTOR: Hmm, yes, yes, no doubt they'll catch up with him and, er , the rest of them. But, er, that Monk you know, still worries me. I think he's got some tricks left up his sleeve. EDITH: Hmm. Where are you going to now? DOCTOR: Oh, we shall continue with our travels. EDITH: Oh you must come back to the village with us before you go... DOCTOR: Yes... EDITH: ...so we can bid you farewell. DOCTOR: Oh, yes, certainly, certainly, but we have one or two things to do here at the monastery first. But, er, we don't want to delay you, er, we'll follow on? Hmm? (EDITH picks up her spear and leaves.) DOCTOR: Ahh, what a charming woman! Hmm, charming! Well, now you two, come along, we've got a lot to do. STEVEN: Well, such as what? VICKI: Shall we go back to the TARDIS? DOCTOR: You know we can't do that, my child, not until we stop this time meddler. Have either of you got a pencil and paper on you? Hmm? VICKI: No. STEVEN: No, 'fraid not. DOCTOR: Well now, be a good fellow and go into the machine and try and find one. STEVEN: (Stepping away.) Yes, OK Doc. DOCTOR: Hmm? STEVEN: (Stopping.) ...tor! (STEVEN steps behinds the sarcophagus.) VICKI: Who are you going to write to? DOCTOR: The Monk, of course, Hmm hmm! Who else? [SCENE_BREAK] 22: EXT. FOREST (SVEN and ULF run into a clearing. They pause to gain their bearings, then run on. A second later, the MONK runs into the clearing. He sees the Vikings.) MONK: Here - this way. (They turn back.. The MONK points.) MONK: Behind that tree there, there's an old well. We can hide there, quick! (The Vikings run off to hide in the suggested place. The MONK runs off in another direction. The Vikings come back.) SVEN: There's no well there...! ULF: Where's he gone? (The Villagers surround them and start stabbing them with their spears and staves...) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. MONK'S TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (The DOCTOR is now out of his monks habit and back in his normal attire. He crouches underneath the console of the MONK'S TARDIS undoing a lead. He then gingerly pulls out a perspex electronic box. He puts his finger into the space in the console previously occupied by the box and receives a small shock.) DOCTOR: Ooh! (Shouts.) Mr Taylor! Where are you with that string, dear boy? (STEVEN and VICKI run up.) STEVEN: Here you are Doctor. I found some. DOCTOR: Good gracious me, come along. (VICKI crouches under the console with the DOCTOR who starts tying the string round the lead which connects the perspex box to the console.) VICKI: What's that thing under there, Doctor? DOCTOR: (Snaps.) Now keep your nose out, my child, never mind. (VICKI just looks closer.) DOCTOR: (Snaps again.) Did you hear what I said? Keep your nose away. Do you want to get a shock? This is a very dangerous business. Now keep still, all of you. Tie this in a knot. (The DOCTOR does so. He then stands.) DOCTOR: Now, the vibrations...ticklish...get back, get back! (Letting the perspex box dangle carefully from the underneath of the console, he backs towards the doors with the long length of string connected to the box in his hand. VICKI and STEVEN are behind.) DOCTOR: Now you two, go outside. I'll follow in a minute. VICKI: But Doctor, what exactly are you doing? DOCTOR: (Angry.) Oh, please don't ask me questions! Go child! Outside! (VICKI runs out. STEVEN grins but doesn't leave.) STEVEN: Well, what are you trying to do...? (He stops asking questions when he sees the look of thunder on the DOCTOR'S face. The old man points at the door and STEVEN leaves. The DOCTOR then backs out of the TARDIS, playing the string out behind him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. MONASTERY. MAIN HALL (VICKI and STEVEN wait by the sarcophagus.) VICKI: Is he coming out yet? (STEVEN crouches down and looks through the door.) STEVEN: Yes, yes, here he is. (The DOCTOR comes out.) DOCTOR: Now, back, elbow room, please! Now keep still. (VICKI and STEVEN stand back as the DOCTOR starts gently to pull on the string which leads into the sarcophagus.) DOCTOR: We're not out of the wood yet. (As the string grows taught, the DOCTOR suddenly yanks on the string. He holds up the perspex box in triumph.) DOCTOR: Dah - there it is! Ha ha! I've done it, I've done it, I've done it! (Laughs.) STEVEN: Well, nothings happened, Doctor. DOCTOR: Hasn't it? Hasn't it, my dear boy? VICKI: Come on, aren't you going to tell us? DOCTOR: Yes, sometime, my dear, sometime. (He passes STEVEN the perspex box.) DOCTOR: Here, put that in your pocket. Quickly. Ah...! (The DOCTOR has picked up an envelope which he places on top of the sarcophagus.) VICKI: Oh, is that the letter you wrote... DOCTOR: Yes... VICKI: ...to the Monk. (She reaches to it.) DOCTOR: Keep your hands off it, young lady. I don't want you nosying into peoples personal and private corre...correspondence. Good gracious me! Well, I think we've finished here. Now, lets go. STEVEN: Back to the TARDIS? DOCTOR: Yes, certainly, back to the TARDIS. Yes, come along... (They leave. The envelope, with "To The Monk" inscribed on the front, lies on top of the sarcophagus awaiting its addressee.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: EXT. FOREST (The MONK struggles through the forest. He is dirty and grubby from his exertions.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: EXT. CLIFFTOP (Gulls fly and cry out over the coast as the time travellers arrive back at the clifftop overlooking the TARDIS' landing place. They stand in the strong breeze.) DOCTOR: (Pointing.) There it is, my dear. There's the TARDIS. Safe and sound - didn't I tell you so? VICKI: Oh, am I glad to see that old police box again! DOCTOR: Oh, glad indeed. Well, we must start climbing down the cliff and get aboard as soon as we can. There's going to be an invasion shortly. STEVEN: What? You mean any minute now the...the Viking fleet's going to sail past here? DOCTOR: Yes, my boy, yes. And history will be... DOCTOR and VICKI: (Together.) ...allowed to take its natural course! (The DOCTOR tuts at VICKI'S mimicking of him.) STEVEN: You know, I'm beginning to like the idea of being a crew member on a time machine. VICKI: A crew member? You'll be lucky! He's the crew - we're just the passengers. DOCTOR: Yes, and both very welcome ones, my dear. Come along, come along! Come on, come on! (The DOCTOR walks off followed by VICKI. STEVEN pauses to look over the cliff edge.) STEVEN: It's a heck of a way down. (Shouting after the others.) Wish we had a pair of wings! [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. MONASTERY. ENTRANCE HALL (The exhausted MONK arrives back at the monastery and shuts the door behind him. He pauses for breath.) MONK: Oh (Coughs.) Oh, I'm getting too old for this sort of thing! It's ridiculous... (He walks into the monastery ...) [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. MONASTERY. MAIN HALL ( ... and arrives at the main hall.) MONK: Yes, I was right. They're gone. Well, I suppose I'd better be on my way again too. Oh. (Coughing he walks over to the sarcophagus where he finds the envelope. He opens it and takes the letter out. He smiles.) MONK: The Doctor! (Laughs.) (He looks slyly round, then he smiles as he reads the letter.) MONK: "My dear fellow", (Laughs.) "I'm sure you excuse me but I didn't want to say goodbye as you are obviously going to be very busy for some time." He's right there! "Just in case you still idea's about your master plan, I've taken precautions to stop your time meddling" (Laughs.) How could he stop a Mark 4?! (He thinks and, for a second, a look of concern passes over his face. He looks quickly at the sarcophagus, then carries on reading the letter.) MONK: "Possibly one day in the future, when you've learnt your lesson, I shall return and release you." Release me! Ha! Me! (Laughs.) Oh the old fool, Ha ha! Oh...I wonder what he meant by..."release" me? Well, ah...be going. (He ducks behind the sarcophagus to the door...) [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. MONK'S TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (The inside of his ship has been shrunk to a size far too small for the MONK to be able to enter. His face fills the doorway.) MONK: Oh!...Oh!...What's he done? Ha - he's taken my dimensional control! He's ruined my time machine! I'm...I'm marooned! Marooned! In [SCENE_BREAK] 30: INT. MONASTERY. MAIN HALL (The MONK stands.) MONK: Oh, Doctor! (He screams in a rage.) MONK: Doctor! Doctor!!! (Dashing the letter onto the floor, he sits desolate on some steps with his head in his hands...) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: EXT. BEACH (The TARDIS dematerialises.) [SCENE_BREAK] 32: SPACE (STEVEN, VICKI and the DOCTOR continue their travels...)

The Doctor, Vicki, and new companion Steven Taylor arrive in Saxon Northumbria on the eve of the Viking and Norman invasions. It is 1066, a pivotal moment in British history. The hand of a mysterious Monk is at work in the nearby monastery, intending that history takes a different course.

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"The Baby in the Bough" [SCENE_BREAK] TEASER (Open: Freeway stock. Night. Booth's Car exterior. Booth's Car interior. BOOTH is driving.) BRENNAN: What do you know about the Cayman Islands? BOOTH: Great diving, you know? Lots of sea turtles. Why? Are you going? BRENNAN: No. My accountant wants me to set up a tax shelter there. BOOTH: Tax shelter?! Exactly how loaded are you? BRENNAN: (indignantly) That is an offensive way to phrase the question. (she pauses, and mumbles) Quite loaded. I'm betting on a seven figure advance for my next book. BOOTH: Seven figures. Wow. With-without the decimal point? BRENNAN: (defensively) The publishers make considerably more. BOOTH: What's the first of those seven figures? BRENNAN: A prime number. What do you do with your money? BOOTH: I use it for food and rent. (Cut to Booth's Car exterior on freeway.) (Cut to: firemen and emergency workers grouped around a crash site in Pendleton. There are fire trucks, police cars and an ambulance. A sports car has run off the road. The area is muddy and wooded. It is night and the site is lit with floodlights on stands. The firemen are packing up hoses and calling to each other as they work. SHERIFF DELPY, BOOTH and BRENNAN walk into shot.) FIREMAN: (in background) Hey, this is all done get over to- BOOTH: (to DELPY) Hey. What have we got here? DELPY: You Agent Booth? BOOTH: (shaking his hand) Special Agent Booth. How you doing? DELPY: Sheriff Delpy. BOOTH: This here's my partner- BRENNAN: I can introduce myself. Doctor Temperance Brennan. BOOTH: Somebody ran the car off the road? DELPY: Yeah. Well, it makes it impossible to get any traceable tire marks. (BRENNAN approaches the victim, who is a burned husk still seated in the driver seat of the open top car.) BRENNAN: The victim was doused with gasoline and then set on fire. DELPY: Farmer three miles away saw the smoke, called it in. Brennan: Female. Probably in her early twenties. Preauricula sulcus on the iliac. She's given birth. BOOTH: Ran off the side of the road, set on fire... Somebody wanted her dead. DELPY: Well that's why I need your help. I only got six deputies covered four hundred square miles. We're stretched thinner than plastic wrap. BRENNAN: Compound fractures to the right tibia and fibula. (BOOTH opens the hood of the car and notices a diaper bag in the back seat.) Crushed manubrium; massive skull trauma. (BABY ANDY cries and BOOTH looks up quickly as BRENNAN continues her examination) I'm not certain yet whether she died in the accident or the fire- BOOTH: Ssssh! You hear that? (The SHERIFF and BRENNAN listen) Everybody! Keep quiet! Stop workin'! (To Brennan) Did you hear that? BRENNAN: Sounds like a cat. (They all look around.) BOOTH: A baby. (He looks up. The camera looks down on BOOTH and BRENNAN from the treetops. Pan across to reveal BABY ANDY in a car-seat, lodged in the branches. DELPY: Holy crap. BOOTH: Get a ladder down here now! FIREMAN: All right, let's move! (Cut to DELPY and EMERGENCY WORKER holding BABY ANDY as they walk alongside the emergency vehicles to BOOTH and BRENNAN) DELPY: There's not even a scratch on the boy. It's a miracle. BRENNAN: Well, hardly! Car-seats are specifically engineered to protect the child. BOOTH: From what? Flying out the back of a car and landing in a tree? (BABY ANDY squawks) Oh, look at him, Bones. He looks a little fussy there. Why don't you pick him up and give him a cuddle? BRENNAN: What? Just because I have breasts doesn't mean that I have magical powers over infants. You're the one with the son. BOOTH: All right, fine. I'll take him. Here you go. (He hands her the diaper bag.) You have fun with the diaper bag. You look good. (he takes BABY ANDY) Come on, little man! Whoa-ho. Hi! Why don't you say hi to your grumpy old Auntie Bones. BRENNAN: No! I am not grumpy! (To the SHERIFF) The-the vinyl seat melted and fused to the body so we need that brought back to the Jeffersonian. And the driver's door for particulate evidence. DELPY: (Sniffing) The kid smells a little ripe. Might want to take care of that. BOOTH: Ye-eah. (He sighs) Okay, Bones, I'm gonna have to change him. Just hold on to him here (holding BABY ANDY out for Bones to take). Here you go. Here you go. Okay? Got him? BRENNAN: What? Oh! Woah! Arrrgh. BOOTH: Okay. Here we go. (Taking off his suit jacket) We'll work together on this one. (He lays his suit jacket on the wide back step of a fire truck) Changin' Diapers 101. ( BRENNAN passes him BABY ANDY) Here we go. Here we go, little big man. Okay. watch your-Here. Right here. Look at that. All right. Get me a diaper there, Bones. BRENNAN: Right. There you go. BOOTH: Thanks. Baby powder. BRENNAN: You know, Booth, I have better things to do with my time. (She looks through the bag) There's no powder. BOOTH: No powder? BRENNAN: Yeah. Hey. Wait a minute. (She pulls a key from the bag and shows it to BOOTH.) BOOTH: Where'd that come from? BRENNAN: There's a rip in the lining of the bag. Seems like someone was trying to hide it. BOOTH: Okay. I'll get an evidence bag and I'll ask EMT if they have any baby powder. Just watch him. (He jogs away.) BRENNAN: Wait. Wait. Wait! Booth. There's a baby! I don't feel comforta-. (She trails off, exasperated. BABY ANDY gurgles.) Coochie-coo? (BABY ANDY cries.) Oh! No no! No need to fuss! Obviously something is upsetting you. Children have toys; you must have some. Let me see. (She rummages in the bag, retrieving a purple stuffed elephant.) You know, elephants are not purple. This is wrong. ( BABY ANDY cries. BRENNAN sighs). Hey, look at that: he flipped over! BOOTH: Bones! That's because you gotta *watch* him. Jeez. Woah. Okay, look, little big man. If you're gonna be in my jacket, we gotta get you out of that diaper. Woah. Okay, where's the key? BRENNAN: I put it on your jacket. BOOTH: Next to the baby? BRENNAN: Yeah. BOOTH: Are you crazy? Do you know that babies put everything in their mouth, Bones? He could have swallowed the key! It's so dangerous. All right. Okay. ( He picks up the BABY ANDY whilst BRENNAN looks for the key) Shh shh shh shh. The *key*, Bones. look for the key. BRENNAN: It's not here. Oh, no. He must've... swallowed it. BOOTH: (In synchrony) Swallowed it. (BABY ANDY cries.) Okay. (BOOTH hands BABY ANDY to BRENNAN) Here you go. Get used to him. BRENNAN: What do you mean? BOOTH: That key was evidence. You know how chain of custody works. That kid stays with us until we get the key back. (BRENNAN looks at him. BABY ANDY pees down her leg,) BRENNAN: Ugh. Argh. BOOTH: (Takes the still-peeing BABY ANDY.) Wooh. That's a stream. TITLES. ACT ONE. (Open: Medico-Legal-Lab. CAM, ANGELA and ZACK stand in a line looking down at something offscreen.) ANGELA: I have never seen anything so gorgeous on this table before. CAM: Or so alive! (Camera looks down from above at ZACK, ANGELA and CAM standing along one side of an examination table. BABY ANDY lies on it, laid on a piece of cloth and burbling happily.) ZACK: Why is Doctor Brennan the official custodian? ANGELA: She's registered as a foster parent. Russ asked her to do it after he began his prison term. CAM: Russ wants to make sure his step-daughters are taken care of if anything happens to Amy. ZACK: Prodigious saliva production. HODGINS: (Walking into shot carrying a security swipe-wand metal detector.) Okay. Now we can determine if the little guy really *did* swallow the key, or if he has been falsely accused. (HODGINS passes the wand over BABY ANDY. The wand squeals as it passes over BABY ANDY's abdomen.) CAM: Well, unless he's already had a hip replacement, it sounds like there's a key in there. ANGELA: He liked it! Do it again. (HODGINS wiggles the wand over BABY ANDY, who chuckles and squirms.) BRENNAN: What are you doing? HODGINS: (Grinning) We were just- (He sees BRENNAN'S expression and becomes serious.) We verified that the baby did indeed swallow the key. BRENNAN: Then you should X-Ray him to get a clean view. He's not a plaything. (To Zack.) And you're supposed to be examining the victim. ANGELA: We thought it would be bad form to examine the remains in front of the baby. You know, creepy formative memory? BRENNAN: Then would you mind taking him for a little while so that we can work? ANGELA: I'd love to. (She gathers up BABY ANDY, smiling. ANGELA looks at HODGINS. who laughs indulgently.) Get used to it. I want, like, a million of these. HODGINS: Cool. (Angela carries BABY ANDY away. HODGINS to CAM) What do you think she meant by "a million"? Two? (Scene: Booth's Office. BOOTH is looking through some photographs. AGENT CHARLIE BURNS knocks on his door. CHARLIE: Agent Booth? BOOTH: Yeah? CHARLIE: Got a hit on your burned car. It was registered to a dead guy. BOOTH: A dead woman driving a dead man's car. CHARLIE: Plates expired five years ago. Dead guy's family said they sold the car for scrap to a junkyard in Seneca Rocks, West Virginia. BOOTH: Let me guess: junkyard guy sells off the old heaps to people who wanna get off the grid. CHARLIE: He used to. Operation got shut down two years ago. No one's seen him since. BOOTH: Let me know if forensics finds anything to help Bones id. the remains. CHARLIE: (Nods.) Is it true that Doctor Brennan's taking care of the baby? Because that's something I'd pay to see. BOOTH: (Studying his photographs.) Goodbye, Charlie. (Medico-Legal Lab-forensics platform.) ZACK: The victim exhibits enlarged hypertrophic lesions and multiple muscle attachments. BRENNAN: The result of strenuous activity, most likely occupational. CAM: The ligamenta flava shows evidence of whiplash. All the para-mortem injuries are consistent with vehicular trauma. She was dead prior to immolation. BRENNAN: Zack, grind some bones so Hodgins can perform an isotope analysis. We might be able to figure out where she lived. ANGELA: (Walking in to the room) Junior made us a little present. BRENNAN: The key. Finally. ANGELA: Not yet. This is just the usual present, but with one major difference. (Angela opens the diaper she is holding to show a pink-soaked seat.) ZACK: I assume pink isn't a normal color for this type of thing. CAM: Does yours ever look pink? ZACK: No, but I'm not an infant. BRENNAN: Where is the baby? ANGELA: Asleep in your office. I was gonna start the facial reconstruction, so... BRENNAN: He's my charge; I'll sit with him. CAM: (Picking up the diaper.) Let me run some tests. See what I can find. ZACK: Actually, one time when I was visiting my cousins, we ate a lot of beets, and the next day- CAM: Zack, really. Too much sharing. (Cut to BRENNAN and BOOTH walking around the Medico-Legal Lab Floor) BOOTH: You know, you look very mom-like with that baby monitor. BRENNAN: I have a responsibility under state law as a foster parent. I've already bought him toys and clothes. BOOTH: Ah, so you've bought him some clothes? BRENNAN: Well, I sent an intern, who apparently loves bears, which in reality would devour a small child. (BRENNAN and BOOTH round the corner to meet HODGINS at the base of the Forensics Platform) HODGINS: I tested the ground bone for strontium. BRENNAN: Strontium is an element found in most rocks. HODGINS: Human beings absorb it through the consumption of local vegetation and water. (He brings up a map on his computer) Over time, the isotope collects in the bones, meaning- BOOTH: You could use it to figure out where someone's from. (BRENNAN and HODGINS look at BOOTH in surprise.) That is right, people. I am a constant surprise. (The baby monitor transmits BABY ANDY whimpering.) BRENNAN: I don't understand. He's been fed; he's changed; I patted him, and now he's just...complaining. BOOTH: He's acting like a real baby. HODGINS: The victim was from northern West Virginia. Tucker County to be more precise. BRENNAN: Well, are you sure she's from Tucker County? The crash was in Pendleton. HODGINS: Very sure. Particulate matter collected from the salvaged area of the car contained guano from a Corynorhinus townsendii virginianus. BRENNAN: So we know where to look. (She stares at the baby monitor, which is still transmitting BABY ANDY's cries). BOOTH: Are you gonna get him? BRENNAN: I figured you'd get him. BOOTH: Don't you have a "responsibility under state law"? BRENNAN: But you're the baby daddy. BOOTH: Baby daddy?! BRENNAN: You have prior experience with pre-verbal infancy. BOOTH: You can be the daddy mommy. ANGELA: (Enters, with BABY ANDY) Okay, you two had better get your act together or I'm suing for custody. (ANGELA hands BRENNAN a head shot of a young white woman with dark brown hair.) This is my rendering of the victim. BRENNAN: Numerous genetic similarities. Cam's running DNA tests to be sure, but I'm comfortable with the assessment that this was the child's mother. BOOTH: He misses his mother. He's sad. (BRENNAN takes BABY ANDY) BRENNAN: We need to go to Tucker County. (Fade to Booth's Car. Huntsville, Tucker County.) BOOTH: The last coal mine closed about eight years ago. This place is a ghost town. BRENNAN: The local economy was devastated. BOOTH: Yeah. That could be why our victim was driving a junker. She couldn't afford registration, insurance... You know, I don't wanna sound insensitive here, but I'm telling you: real estate? It's gotta be a steal. I mean, you could build yourself a beautiful house on the river. I could come out and fish. You could put in one of those media rooms. You know, I saw a one hundred and three inch flat-screen TV- BRENNAN: I don't need another residence, Booth. BOOTH: Just, you know, tryin' to give you a little financial advice. (BRENNAN looks at BABY ANDY in the back seat.) BRENNAN: He seems so peaceful. He has no idea that he's all alone. BOOTH: Well, maybe that wasn't his mom. Maybe there's a dad. BRENNAN: No-one filed a report, Booth. No-one's worried about him. BOOTH: Yeah, well, you are. (They share a look. BRENNAN looks out her window and sees a man working in the front yard of a dilapidated house on the otherwise deserted street.) BRENNAN: There's someone. (BOOTH pulls over.) PAUL: You people are from the government? BOOTH: Yes, sir. With the FBI. PAUL: (Nods toward to BABY ANDY) Ah. Training them up young, I see. BOOTH: If you could just... help us. PAUL: Right. Just like the government helped us when the bridge washed out. When they closed the school. BRENNAN: Well, the business and industry left the area. The local tax base is non-existent. The government can't be expected to provide services without the fiscal means to do so. PAUL: What'd she say? Are you from France or somewhere? (BOOTH chuckles) BRENNAN: Economies live and die just like any organism. When they expire, the logical thing to do is to move. PAUL: This land is part of me. I've lived here all my life, my father before me, his father..! DOROTHY: Paul. Who're you hollering at now? PAUL: They're from the government. DOROTHY: (Seeing BABY ANDY) Oh my god! You have no right. No right at all! Taking people's children away? BOOTH: (Moving to cover BABY ANDY) Hey, hey! DOROTHY: You should be ashamed. That girl does the best she can to provide for Andy. BOOTH: Andy? Do you know this baby? DOROTHY: (suspiciously) Yeah. Folks up the street? Carol and Jimmy Grant? They take care of him when his mom works. BOOTH: (Shows her the head shot.) Is that his mother? DOROTHY: Looks like her. But you should check with the Grants. What's goin' on? Has something happened? (Cut to THE GRANTS, interior. BOOTH is showing the head shot to CAROL GRANT) CAROL: Yeah, that's Meg. Meg Taylor. We all went to high school together: me and Jimmy and Meg, and Meg's husband, Lou. JIMMY: Back when we had a high school. BOOTH: Meg's husband, does he still live around here? JIMMY: Uh, I've not seen him lately. Not that I'd want to. He's in and out of jail, does anything for a drink, left Meg before Andy was born. CAROL: I'm not sure he's laid eyes on Andy more'n twice. JIMMY: Meg worked herself to the bone for this boy. CAROL: We couldn't have one of our own so we were real happy to help Meg out. JIMMY: Meg would have to, heh, pry her away from him at the end of the day. BRENNAN: Where did she work? CAROL: Ah, Fallbrook Rubber? They recycle tires. JIMMY: They turn them into ground coverings, you know, for playgrounds and such. It's one of the only places left around here to work. BOOTH: And how about the two of you. You're both currently, what, unemployed? JIMMY: No, uh, I work part-time, looking after some of the buildings they shut down. CAROL: Jimmy used to teach high school and I did some project management, mostly for construction, but now... We do what we can. JIMMY: This town used to be something. I mean, we were on the scenic route. You know, people would come to visit. It wasn't all coal. CAROL: What'll happen to Andy, because we can watch him. BOOTH: He's gonna have to stay with us for now. Tell me where Meg lived? (Huntsville: A denim-clad man is leaning in the doorway of a decrepit building. A sign swings above his head. The windows are boarded over. Booth's Car drives past and we hear BRENNAN talking.) BRENNAN: Looks like everything's closed down around here. BOOTH: Yeah, probably lost all its customers. With no bridge, the highway routes all the traffic away from the town- (BRENNAN'S phone rings.) BRENNAN: Brennan. CAM: Got the scoop on the poop. (Cut to Medico-Legal Lab: ZACK in the foreground; CAM in the background talking on the phone.) CAM: It was pharmaceutical dye used to color the phenobarbital that showed up on his tox. screen. BRENNAN: Andy had phenobarbital in his system? CAM: Oh, his name's Andy? Adorable. I had a dog named Andy. That came out wrong. ZACK: Why does he have phenobarbital in his system? CAM: It's often prescribed for seizures. ZACK: Perhaps the infant is epileptic. BOOTH: Hey! Don't say that. Andy's going to be just fine. CAM: Well, he was still breastfeeding, so there's a slight chance he ingested the drug that way but... the depth of color makes it unlikely. BRENNAN: We're on our way to check out his mother's home. I'll see if I can find a prescription bottle. (BOOTH and BRENNAN pull up at a trailer park by some train tracks.) BRENNAN: Okay. BOOTH: Nono no no no no no no no. BRENNAN: What? BOOTH: No no no no. Look, the front door is open. You stay here. BRENNAN: But- BOOTH: Bones, there is a baby involved. If you hear gunfire, anything like that, drive away. BRENNAN: Bu-I'm not leaving you. BOOTH: Yes you will, because this is about the baby, not me. Promise me. BRENNAN: (Looks at the baby for a long moment.) I promise. (BOOTH approaches the trailer, weapon drawn. He cautiously enters to see LOU, a man with wild hair, ransacking the place. LOU looks up. BOOTH aims his weapon.) BOOTH: Okay. Easy. Both hands to the ceiling, nice and easy. Right there. (LOU makes a break for it and BOOTH detains him easily.) Yeah. Easy! God! (BOOTH handcuffs LOU.) You know, I asked you very nicely. BREAK (Trailer, exterior. Booth's Car, interior. BRENNAN and BABY ANDY are inside.) BRENNAN: We will find out what happened to your mother. I promise. You know, Booth is an excellent investigator and, I don't like to boast, but I am the best in my field. (BABY ANDY squalls) What do you want? Ah. How, how about some visual and auditory stimulation? Okay. Let's see. Um. (Trailer, interior, BOOTH is hustling LOU to the front door) LOU: I told you, I'm Meg's husband. I live here. BOOTH: If you live here, why'd you break the front lock? LOU: I didn't do it! Somebody else broke in. And when I saw it I thought I'd come in and check on Meg. BOOTH: Oh, so, you live here or came by to check on Meg? Which one is it? LOU: Ugh, all right now you're getting me all confused. BOOTH: Yeah, I bet. LOU: Look, Meg bails me out sometimes. If she can. And when I saw she wasn't here, I just figured I'd, you know, help myself. BOOTH: How often do you steal from your wife? LOU: It's not stealing. She likes to help me. BOOTH: Well, Meg's dead. She was killed. LOU: How? BOOTH: You seem shocked. LOU: Well, of course I am! BOOTH: Where were you last night? LOU: (Dazedly) Last night? (BOOTH claps his hands sharply in LOU's face) I don't remember. (Booth's Car, interior. BABY ANDY continues to cry. BRENNAN waggles her hands at him.) BRENNAN: Phalanges! Phalanges. Phalanges! Dancing phalanges. Dancing phalanges! Yeah-hah-hah. Booth thinks bones are dry and boring, but- show me your phalanges. (BABY ANDY wiggles his fingers.) BOOTH: (Walking a handcuffed LOU to car) Hey, Bones. Her husband, real genius, doesn't even remember where he was last night. BRENNAN: We've got your son in here. His mother's dead and now you're the only one- LOU: Oh, no no no no no. I never wanted to have a kid. She did it because she thought it would, uh, straighten me out, but I told her I couldn't handle a kid because I'm a free spirit? BOOTH: What you are is a drunk, Lou. (On radio) All right, dispatch. I need a forensics team and a car for a burglary suspect and a possible murderer- LOU: Woah! I didn't kill her! Why would I? She took care of me. (Medico-Legal Lab. Angela's Office.) ANGELA: I've determined an approximate size and shape for the key. CAM: Did you reference it against currently registered key patterns? ANGELA: Yeah, and the closest match is an old design used for safety deposit boxes in banks. I'm looking into banks near Huntsville that still use them. CAM: Most safety deposit keys are numerically coded. ANGELA: Well, we couldn't get a clear enough picture without exposing Andy to too much radiation. CAM: Okay. (She goes to leave. She stops and turns.) How many? Exactly? ANGELA: Excuse me? CAM: Kids. 'Cause a million seems a little impractical. ANGELA: I don't know. I kind of have a thing for chaos. I guess I'll stop when the Feds need to airlift me in supplies. CAM: (Laughs.) You don't by chance live in a shoe, do you? ANGELA: You don't want kids? CAM: Eh, screaming, crying, vomit...other bodily fluids. It's like a day around here. It's not worth giving up this body for that. (Cam departs, slinkily. Angela looks worried.) (Trailer, exterior. An FBI forensics team member carries out a box.) BOOTH: Ooh, let's see what you got here. (He rifles through the box.) Hey, Bones! Come on, the sweep's finished. It's all yours, come on. BRENNAN: The phenobarbital was prescribed to Andy from a clinic over fifty miles away. BOOTH: Yeah, that was probably the closest medical care they got. BRENNAN: It's an extremely harsh drug to give to a child. (BRENNAN looks around the trailer.) It's quite sweet: the pictures... She really loved him. BOOTH: (Pointing to a wall calendar.) Check this out. Somebody had a doctor's appointment in D.C. yesterday. Maybe that's where they were headed. BRENNAN: Okay, we'll need this prescription and Andy's medical records. BOOTH: Okay. I'll have 'em sent to the Jeffersonian. Because that's what we do. (BOOTH departs.) (Brennan's cellphone, nestled in BABY ANDY's car-seat, rings) BRENNAN: Brennan. (Medico-Legal Lab, Zack is examining the body.) ZACK: I made some discoveries regarding our victim. Is this a good time? (BABY ANDY clutches at BRENNAN'S necklace.) BRENNAN: No no no no no. ZACK: Oh-kay. (Zack hangs up.) BRENNAN: Zack? Hello? (BRENNAN dials.) (Medico-Legal Lab.) ZACK: Doctor Addy. BRENNAN: Uh, it's Doctor Brennan. ZACK: Oh. Is this a better time? BRENNAN: (To BABY ANDY, who is again clutching at her jewelry) No no no. ZACK: Then why'd you call back?! BRENNAN: I wasn't speaking with you, Zack. ZACK: I believe you are. BRENNAN: I was saying no to Andy. He was grabbing my necklace. (Quietly, giving the necklace to BABY ANDY) Here you go. You were saying? ZACK: Our victim had healed compression fractures in her L1 and L2 vertebrae. BRENNAN: From a traumatic injury? ZACK: No. Malnourishment. She also has some minor deformities, including a slight bowing of the legs and bony outgrowths at a number of muscle attachments. BRENNAN: Do you know if Cam found any painkillers in Andy's tox. screen? ZACK: No. Just the phenobarbital. (Trailer exterior. BRENNAN carries BABY ANDY to Booth's Car.) BOOTH: First the key, now jewelry. What's next? Are you gonna let him play with a bowling ball? BRENNAN: What? I'm watching him! BRENNAN: Meg had a number of bone conditions that would have caused chronic pain but she wasn't taking any pain medication. BOOTH: (Handing BRENNAN her necklace) Here. It was probably because she didn't want it affecting her, you know, her supply. BRENNAN: What, you mean her breast milk? You know, you can say the word "breast", Booth. BOOTH: Yeah, I know, Bones. BRENNAN: Well, didn't Rebecca breastfeed Parker? BOOTH: I am not. You know... (BOOTH gets in the car and waits for BRENNAN to close her door. He lowers his voice.) I am not discussing that with you. BRENNAN: Would teat make you more comfortable? BOOTH: I am not talking teats with you! BRENNAN: Why not? BOOTH: Enough! (He blows a breath out.) So our victim wasn't taking any painkillers. BRENNAN: No, but her occupational markers in her lateral upper condyle and lower discs suggest that her job requires manual labor. Her pain might have been excruciating. BOOTH: Probably had no choice. I mean, jobs around here are pretty scarce. All right, what do you say we go talk to her boss? BRENNAN: Were you breastfed? I was. (Interior. Fallbrook Rubber, tire recycling plant. CHIP BARNETT talks to BOOTH and BRENNAN while TERRY, RICH, and other plant workers stack tires in the background) CHIP: What, uh, yesterday was her day off, and when she was late today I just...god-I mean- Who did it? What happened? BOOTH: We're not sure yet, Mr Barnett. How long have you been the manager of this plant? CHIP: Three years now. It's the only real business left around here. BRENNAN: Since Meg's job involved a lot of physical labor, were you aware of her spinal condition? CHIP: The pain, you mean? Yeah, I saw it. I offered to put her on disability. She said she and the baby couldn't get by on that. She was tougher than half the guys here. (He looks on BABY ANDY.) Poor little bug. I got five kids myself. I can't. I can't imagine... BOOTH: Any reason to think Meg was in trouble? CHIP: Nah. I was her boss. She didn't confide in me. TERRY: How about that husband of hers? He was trash on a cracker if I've ever seen it. CHIP: Yeah, they weren't even livin' together any more. RICH: Doesn't mean he ain't jealous. Maybe someone told him about Shepard. BRENNAN: Who's Shepard? CHIP: Dave Shepard. Some accountant from corporate headquarters in D.C. He was here for a week. Left a few days ago. RICH: He was here to cut costs. We've all heard that before. TERRY: Goodbye, jobs. BRENNAN: Was there anything between Meg and Shepard? CHIP: The guy was kinda slimy. You know: offering to buy her sodas, asking about her kid, all the time looking at her... you know. BRENNAN: Breasts? BOOTH: Did Meg return the attention? RICH: He's from the city, had money. After her deadbeat of a husband you can't fault her for wanting a good meal. TERRY: The only guy Meg really cared about is right there. (Indicates BABY ANDY) She woulda done anything for this kid. [SCENE_BREAK] (Tire plant, exterior. Camera looks down on BRENNAN and BOOTH as they carry BABY ANDY back to Booth's Car. BOOTH talks on his cellphone.) BOOTH: Just do a check on all the employees. And also, give me the contact information on this Dave Shepard, in the D.C. area. I'm telling you, Lou Taylor didn't do it. He was in jail; they picked him up passed out in another county. BRENNAN: Booth. BOOTH: Hold on. Yeah, well, you know what? If *Lou* didn't toss the place then somebody else did, all right? So just keep checking for prints. (BOOTH hangs up) I'm telling you, somebody else is looking for that key. BRENNAN: Booth? BOOTH: Yeah? BRENNAN: Andy's making that face again. (Booth's Car, exterior. BOOTH changes BABY ANDY in the open trunk while BRENNAN, wearing gloves, examines the key.) BOOTH: I'm serious, Bones, next time you're changing the diaper. BRENNAN: Fine. (To ANGELA over webcam) There's a series of numbers on it. ANGELA: These keys were coded to indicate a specific bank so read me your numbers. BRENNAN: 36 09 20 14 (ANGELA'S Office) ANGELA: Okay, searching. Got it. It's from Green Hills Bank in Petersberg, West Virginia. I'll send the directions to your phone. BRENNAN: Thank you. ANGELA: No problem. How's my little bruiser? (BOOTH lifts BABY ANDY out of the car.) BRENNAN: Well, he looks pleased that a piece of metal is no longer passing through his intestinal tract. BOOTH: (Sing song) No more metal! No more metal. BRENNAN: (Frowning) His legs are bowed. BOOTH: All babies' legs are bowed. BRENNAN: No, not like this. How could I have missed that? (To ANGELA) Tell Zack to run a P ratio test on the victim's teeth. He'll know what I mean. ANGELA: Sure thing. Take care of him, sweetie. BRENNAN: I will. (She disconnects and turns back to BOOTH.) I've got the bank's address. It's in Petersberg, one town from Huntsville. BOOTH: Great! I'll request a warrant. That'll give us time to go to Family Services in Parsons to- BRENNAN: What? No! Not yet. BOOTH: Bones, I know this is difficult but we both agreed that we'd keep Andy to get the key. Now that we have the key... BRENNAN: No. You can't leave him with Family Services in the middle of nowhere. Cam still needs to review his medical records. BOOTH: Oh, well... I mean... Bones, there are doctors there. BRENNAN: You have no idea what that place will be like, Booth. Med students, underfunded, understaffed- BOOTH: Bones. BRENNAN: His mother is dead and his father is a felon. I've been in his situation, Booth. I am not turning him over until I'm satisfied that he is somewhere safe where he'll get the care he deserves. BOOTH: Fine. He can stay with us, for now. BRENNAN: (Quietly) Thank you. BOOTH: Okay. I'll go lock the back up. (BRENNAN puts BABY ANDY in the car. Impulsively she blows a raspberry on his tummy, then another. BABY ANDY and BRENNAN laugh. BRENNAN looks around shiftily.) (Green Hills Bank, Petersberg, interior.) BANK MANAGER: Just let me know if there's anything else you need. BRENNAN: Do you like elephants? Huh? BOOTH: Bank manager said Meg was a new client, only got this box a few days ago. (BOOTH opens the safety deposit box and unwraps a blue cloth to reveal a handgun.) Ooh. BRENNAN: Uh-oh. BOOTH: Uh-oh is right. Oh, Andy, what kind of trouble was mama in? BREAK (BRENNAN examines the gun while BOOTH plays with BABY ANDY) BRENNAN: There's a sticky residue lining the trigger. I see fragments of a foreign object inside the barrel. I need to take this back to the Jeffersonian. BOOTH: Well, Meg Taylor didn't own a firearm, at least not legally. (To BABY ANDY) We need to find out where mommy got the gun, don't we? BRENNAN: Hey! Someone filed off the serial numbers. BOOTH: Do you think I didn't know that before I handed it to you? I mean, I am FBI. (To BABY ANDY) Not just some guy who changes your stinky diapers. BRENNAN: It's been fired recently. I'm finding gunpowder residue. BOOTH: Gunpowder's not gonna get me the owner's name. I need fingerprints, DNA. BRENNAN: (Thoughtfully) Do you think there are any public pools around here? (Huntsville Public Pool, exterior. It is drained and derelict. JIMMY GRANT shows BRENNAN and BOOTH, carrying BABY ANDY, inside to the pump room.) JIMMY: It's a pretty depressing job, keeping an eye on the ruins, but I try to think positive. Like I'm keeping them safe until they open up again. Ah, chemicals are down here. BRENNAN: Thanks. JIMMY: Can I hold him? Just for a bit? BOOTH: Okay. Just for a little bit, right, Andy? (JIMMY takes BABY ANDY.) BRENNAN: Do you know of any medical conditions that Andy was being treated for? JIMMY: Meg never liked to share her problems. She was, uh, pretty independent but, I mean, Andy's always seemed just fine. Is he sick? BOOTH: We were just checking. Must have been a pretty nice pool? JIMMY: Yeah. Heh. Coached the high school team once, back when I was teaching- BRENNAN: Perfect. Muriatic acid. BOOTH: Bones, what are you doing? JIMMY: Hey, I get it. Someone filed the numbers off, didn't they? BOOTH: How'd you know that? JIMMY: Oh, she's using the acid to react with the metal. It restores the original etchings. (BOOTH chuckles in surprise.) JIMMY: I taught high school science. BOOTH: Really. BRENNAN: You must have been a good teacher. (Brennan swabs the handgun with the hydrochloric acid to reveal etched serial numbers: 160-56391) I got the numbers. (FBI interrogation room. BOOTH paces as he interrogates EARL DELANCY) BOOTH: Mr Delancy, you worked for Fallbrook Rubber before you came to D.C. EARL: Yeah. Got laid off a couple months ago. Surprised that place is still in business. BOOTH: So you knew Meg Taylor? EARL: Sure. Can't picture her with a gun though. She was sweet as they come. BOOTH: The gun was registered to you. EARL: But I haven't seen it in a couple of years. I pawned it when things first started getting tight. BOOTH: It's illegal for pawnshops to buy guns. EARL: (Chuckling) Have you seen Huntsville? People do whatever it takes to stay afloat. BOOTH: It says here in your file that you assaulted the plant manager when he laid you off. Also took a swing at Dave Shepard. EARL: That's right, yeah! Look, that sumbitch drives up from D. C. every few months, and when he leaves, five more of us are out on our asses. Sure I took a swing at him. I'd do it again, too, if I ever saw him. BOOTH: Where's the pawn shop? EARL: Corner of Elm and Wilson. Went out of business, though: too many people selling, not enough people buyin'. (Medico-Legal Lab.) HODGINS: This gun is covered in a fine dust of particulate matter. It's going to take a while to id. ZACK: The fragments inside the gun's barrel are bone. HODGINS: Really? To get blowback like that, somebody would have to have been shot point blank. ZACK: In the head. Brain tissue on the fragments means they're from a frontal bone. HODGINS: Wow, maybe our victim shot somebody? ZACK: If she did, then why would she put the gun in a safety deposit box? It's not logical. HODGINS: Yeah, you're right. Well, we'll soon know for sure. ZACK: What do you mean? HODGINS: I've identified the residue on the gun's trigger. It's burned skin. The finger must've gotten caught and burned when the shooter fired the gun. Cam should be able to get some DNA. (BRENNAN and BABY ANDY are in Brennan's Office. BOOTH enters.) BOOTH: Hey, Bones. The pawnshop, it closed last year. No one's seen the owner. I mean, this gun? That could have been floating around for months. (to BABY ANDY) Hey, little man! Yeah-aha. Uh, Bones? What's the muzak? BRENNAN: I'm on hold. There's an anthropologically proven link between poverty and violence: more people competing for scarcer resources. BOOTH: That's, that's great, Bones, but the bottom line is we're not gonna know if the gun owner is telling the truth. CONGRESSIONAL STAFFER: (Over speakerphone.) Doctor Brennan? BRENNAN: Yes, I'm still here. BOOTH: (to BABY ANDY) Woah, hey. Hey. BRENNAN: Well, then tell the congressman I'd appreciate a call back. Thank you. BOOTH: (to BRENNAN via BABY ANDY) Congressman, woah, what is Bones up to, huh? BRENNAN: I'm just putting in a few calls. You know, I have contributed a great deal of money to numerous campaigns. I think these politicians owe me. BOOTH: Bones, that's not how it's supposed to work. BRENNAN: That is exactly how it does work, Booth. If the government fixed that bridge leading to Huntsville, they'd be back on the scenic route. BOOTH: (Laughing) Okay, what about the "lack of fiscal resources" that you were talking about? BRENNAN: They found millions to build a bridge to nowhere in Alaska. (to BABY ANDY) Do you need to burp? BOOTH: No. BRENNAN: I was talking to Andy. BOOTH: I know you were talking about Andy. (to BABY ANDY) My man, Andy! So, what's up with the little guy here. How's his condition? Any news? BRENNAN: Cam's still looking at his records, consulting with some pediatricians. BOOTH: (to BRENNAN via BABY ANDY) He's going to be just fine, isn't he? He's a tiger? (BOOTH plays with BABY ANDY's feet) Tiger tiger tiger tiger. Tiger tiger tiger tiger. Tiger tiger tiger tiger. BRENNAN: You know, verbal development would be heightened if you didn't talk to him like a fool. BOOTH: Well what were you just doing? Just then? BRENNAN: What? I wasn't doing anything? BOOTH: You were so! You were goin' doodoo doodoo- BRENNAN: What are you talking about? I never did that! BOOTH: Doo-doh baby-yes, that's what [unintelligible bickering] CAM: (Walking in) I have some info about the skin Hodgins found on the gun's trigger. BOOTH: Yep. CAM: It was male: not Meg Taylor. BRENNAN: So Meg was either an accomplice or- BOOTH: She witnessed the murder, got her hands on the gun, then hid it. (BOOTH'S phone rings) Woah. Excuse me. Booth. Yeah. (He writes something down.) Huntsville! BRENNAN: (Beams at BABY ANDY) Yeah! BOOTH: Bones, we just found our missing accountant. He used his credit card to check into a hotel near Huntsville. (To caller) Great. Thanks. (BOOTH hangs up.) Local police are picking him up now. (Tucker County Jailhouse, interior. An officer shows BOOTH down a corridor into an interrogation room where a HOMELESS MAN sits) OFFICER: There. BOOTH: You're kidding me, right? This is not Dave Shepard. (to HOMELESS MAN) You're not Dave Shepard! HOMELESS MAN: Tell me something I don't know. BOOTH: How'd you end up with his credit card? HOMELESS MAN: It was inside that bag. (He indicates a bloodstained holdall.) I found it in a trash heap near the old coal mine. (Ruefully.) I thought my luck had changed. BOOTH: Was there blood on this bag when you found it? HOMELESS MAN: I guess. Hey, can I have the sweaters? They're really soft. BOOTH: (To OFFICER.) I'll take the bag and everything in it back to D.C. Cut this guy loose. HOMELESS MAN: Cut me loose?! BOOTH: Yep. (He walks out.) HOMELESS MAN: I don't mind staying here, you know, couple of nights maybe? Whaddya say? Couple of nights? (Medico-Legal Lab. Cam's Office. CAM sits at her computer and BRENNAN stands at her shoulder.) CAM: So this Dave Shepard guy is an accountant? That's usually not a profession I associate with killers. BRENNAN: Booth thinks that our victim may have seen Dave Shepard shoot someone. Since he's been missing since her death, he could have killed her too. CAM: Yeah, well, tell Booth I just found the guy. (Screen shows: DNA Match found: 99.0173 CFD) Or parts of his skull, anyway. I ran the DNA from the blood on the duffel bag and the frontal bone fragments from the gun through CODIS-both his. BRENNAN: So Dave Shepard isn't our killer, he's another victim. CAM: He was shot in the head by a male, with a gun Meg Taylor was trying to hide. ANGELA: Hey, you wanted me? BRENNAN: Yeah, there was a flash drive in Dave Shepard's duffel bag. (BRENNAN hands a bagged flash drive to ANGELA) ANGELA: It's crushed. CAM: That's where you come in. BRENNAN: We need to know if Dave Shepard found something that could have gotten him killed. ANGELA: Okay. I'll get right on it. (ANGELA leaves.) BRENNAN: Did you call your pediatrician friend? CAM: He's on his way. BRENNAN: You know he's good, right? Because we have to be certain- CAM: Doctor Brennan, he's the Chief of Pediatrics at Children's National Medical Centre. He's the best. (BRENNAN nods.) (Medico-Legal Lab. Ookey Room.) HODGINS: Hi, Beautiful. Coming to visit? ANGELA: Yeah. I need some cotton swabs and some bleach. I'm cleaning dried blood off that flash drive. (HODGINS and ANGELA share a smile. She walks to the door and pauses.) You do want kids, don't you? HODGINS: What? ANGELA: Kids. Small humans. HODGINS: I'll admit: I only ever planned on one or two, but, if you want a million, I want a million. ANGELA: Really? HODGINS: Absolutely. I don't care if you're mushy and shapeless, puffy from constant hormonal fluctuations-I'll still find you sexy. ANGELA: Well, I'm not going to look like a- HODGINS: It's okay! I mean, when you get wider there'll be more of you to love. (ANGELA looks faintly worried.) I think we should start right now. Why wait until we get married? There's no telling how long it's gonna be until you get your divorce. ANGELA: Hodgins! Your...computer, it's beeping. HODGINS: Oh (HODGINS walks to check his screen, smiling to himself.) That's interesting. ANGELA: What is it? HODGINS: Particulates from the gun. Dust was composed of silica, sulphur compounds and synthetic rubbers. ANGELA: Sounds like tires. HODGINS: The gun was used at the tire recycling plant. (He strides away.) ANGELA: (With folded arms.) I'm not gonna get wider. (Fallbrook Rubber, tire recycling plant, interior. BOOTH, BRENNAN, and an FBI team search the plant.) BOOTH: Thanks. CHIP: What exactly are you looking for? BOOTH: Well, we're not sure yet. Anything that can help us find out what happened to Dave Shepard and Meg Taylor. CHIP: (to workers) Okay, people. Back to work. You let them do their job, they'll let us do ours. (TERRY starts up a huge mulching machine. BRENNAN follows its machinations with her eyes. She makes for the top platform of the mulcher.) BOOTH: Hey, where're you going? Hey Bones? (Handing his coffee to a colleague) Hey, pal, hold on to that for a second there, would you? Bones! (He climbs the stairs after her.) Hey! Where you going? Hey! BRENNAN: (Looking down into the mulcher.) Booth, look at this. (to TERRY) Turn off the machine! BOOTH: Yeah, if I were a dead body and I needed to disappear? BRENNAN: This would be a pretty thorough way to do it. BOOTH: Hey, pal, how often do you ship out a load of this mulch? TERRY: We collect a week's worth at a time, but we bag it up every couple of hours. BRENNAN: Dave disappeared four days ago. He could still be here. (Fallbrook Rubber, warehouse interior.) TERRY: (Indicating a row of mulch bags.) It's this lot right here. BOOTH: Yeah. Bones? BRENNAN: Yeah. BOOTH: THis lot was collected right after Dave's disappearance. TERRY: Everything is washed, sanitized, and ready to be shipped. BOOTH: But that means that all the evidence has been washed away! BRENNAN: (Laying out some equipment.) Not necessarily. Scoop up some of the mulch. (BRENNAN sets a glass jar on a table and fills it half full with water from a bottle.) Put it in this water. (BRENNAN screws on a lid, shakes the jar, and holds it up to the light. BOOTH looks closely too.) Next batch. BOOTH: Uh, Bones, what exactly are we doing? BRENNAN: I'll explain in a minute. (They repeat the process.) Try the next bag. BOOTH: Next bag. (They repeat the process.) Next bag. (They repeat the process.) BRENNAN: (Holding up a jar.) The rubber pieces float, see? But bone...(Bone fragments sink to the bottom of the water.) BOOTH: Sinks. You just found Dave. (to TERRY) Tell the manager to shut this plant down now. BRENNAN: (Answering her phone.) Brennan? ANGELA: Brennan, it's me. Turn on your video stream. BRENNAN: Is Andy all right? ANGELA: The pediatrician is examining him right now. (BRENNAN slides her laptop cradle out of the trunk of Booth's Car.) The baby is fine. Take a look at this. (Angela transmits data.) I recovered most of the memory from that flash drive. Dave Shepard's internal audit? Showed a completely different set of numbers to those reported to corporate headquarters. BOOTH: Somebody was doctoring the profit reports. BRENNAN: Siphoning money into a private account. Dave figured it out while he was in Huntsville, that's what got him killed. BOOTH: And if Meg knew about it then the killer would want her dead too. Come on. (They walk back into the plant to RICH and TERRY.) Hey, where's Barnett? RICH: Chip left. BOOTH: Where'd he go? RICH: Said he had an emergency at home. (BOOTH huffs. BRENNAN grabs the jar of evidence. Cut to CHIP throwing suitcases in his car. He gets in and tries to drive away, wheels spinning, but BOOTH and BRENNAN round the corner, siren wailing, and block his exit (in Booth's car).) CHIP: Jeez. Damn! (He drives in reverse until he hits the post of a chain link fence. CHIP abandons the vehicle and runs away, clambering heavily over his car. BOOTH pursues on foot with BRENNAN close behind. BOOTH catches CHIP and restrains him against another chain link fence.) BOOTH: (Handcuffing CHIP.) Chip Barnett, you're under arrest for eluding a federal agent. I'm sure we'll be throwing in a few murder charges as well. You know your rights, yeah? CHIP: Argh! Gah! Yeah. It was only a matter of time before they closed the plant. BOOTH: So you embezzled from the company. CHIP: A man does what he has to for his family. BRENNAN: So that justifies killing two innocent people? CHIP: Shepard was gonna turn me in. BOOTH: So you *shot* him. Meg witnessed it, got a hold of the gun- CHIP: She wanted money to keep quiet, take her kid to some doctor in D.C. BRENNAN: So you knew where she was headed. BOOTH: Yeah, you followed her out of town so you could kill her with no-one around. CHIP: I didn't want to kill her. I went to her trailer, I looked for the gun first, but you do what you have to- BRENNAN: There was a baby in that car, you son of a bitch. (Brennan walks off, disgusted. BOOTH hauls CHIP along.) BREAK (Brennan's Office. BOOTH walks in and the camera reveals BRENNAN sitting with BABY ANDY.) BOOTH: Hey. BRENNAN: Hey. BOOTH: One of the techs found this in Meg's trailer. (BOOTH holds an envelope.) BRENNAN: What is it? BOOTH: A letter that Meg wrote to her friend, Carol Grant. CAM: (Entering, carrying papers) Hey. Andy has a genetic condition. BOOTH: What is it? CAM: Vitamin D resistant rickets. Meg had a mild form, very few symptoms; she probably didn't even know she had it. BRENNAN: But males are prone to more severe cases than females so Andy would have exhibited more extreme symptomatology. CAM: Including the seizures. The clinic probably prescribed him the phenobarbital without searching for underlying causes. BOOTH: Well, is Andy going to be all right? CAM: Absolutely. (BOOTH sags in relief.) Very treatable. My friend can treat him as an outpatient. Andy's going to be fine. BRENNAN: Thanks, Cam. Really. CAM: Don't mention it. (CAM departs.) BOOTH: (to BABY ANDY) Yeah! BRENNAN: (to BABY ANDY) You're going to be fine. BOOTH: (to BRENNAN via BABY ANDY) Looks like our little guy's going to be just fine. (They share a long look.) *The* little guy. BRENNAN: Andy. BOOTH: Andy's going to be just fine. (He hands BRENNAN the envelope.) You should read this. (FBI Conference Room. BRENNAN holds BABY ANDY. BOOTH stands beside her. JIMMY GRANT signs papers while CAROL GRANT reads Meg's letter tearily.) CAROL: Dear Carol, If anything happens to me, take care of my Andy. I know you don't have much, none of us do, but you have love. And I know Andy would be lucky to be part of your family. (CAROL signs a paper.) (BRENNAN slowly hands BABY ANDY over to THE GRANTS. BABY ANDY holds his arms out for a second and then relaxes into CAROL'S arms. BRENNAN is on the verge of tears.) (Fade to Booth's Car, exterior. A park. BOOTH and BRENNAN sit in the open trunk, drinking coffee.) BOOTH: You know, I'm gonna miss that little guy...And so are you, so don't deny it. BRENNAN: I'm not ashamed to say that I have developed a certain...affection for Andy. It's a natural byproduct of caregiving. BOOTH: Yeah. So, what do you think, huh? Change your mind about having kids? BRENNAN: Booth! BOOTH: Okay, all right. You got some time. (He pauses, grinning.) Not *that* much time... BRENNAN: (Swatting BOOTH.) Booth! (and knocking the coffee cup out of his hand.) BOOTH: Hey! BRENNAN: Now look what you did! (BRENNAN wipes down some comb-bound documents.) BOOTH: What *I* did?! BRENNAN: Yeah. BOOTH: You're the one who hit me! (He takes the documents.) Woah, what is all this stuff? BRENNAN: It's information Carol gave me, from a structural engineer. BOOTH: Oh, so you took my financial advice, didn't you? Hm? You're gonna build that home. BRENNAN: No. The congressman couldn't help so I'm rebuilding the bridge into Huntsville. I've hired Carol Grant as the project manager. BOOTH: Wow. That is going to cost a fortune. BRENNAN: Well, to you it's a fortune, but with my advance, and selling the movie rights- BOOTH: Yeah, I get it. You know, I thought you said that towns lived and died liked organisms, that sometimes we should just let them go. BRENNAN: Sometimes it takes one thing, like a bridge, for a town to start recovering. Back on the scenic route the gas stations could reopen, restaurants, maybe a bed and breakfast for people wanting to stay in the area. BOOTH: Wow. Listen to you. Good for you. (He hands her the documents and sits back.) You know, it's a, it's a shame. BRENNAN: What? BOOTH: No kids: who's going to be proud of you? BRENNAN: I don't do it for that. BOOTH: Yeah, okay. I know. I know. You know, with next year's book, you should uh, you should get that second home in that town you saved. I mean, it only makes sense, right? Because every year, you know, plasmas, they go down, they get cheaper and cheaper-it happens all the time. BRENNAN: Forget it. BOOTH: What? I'm just saying. Andy's going to miss his Auntie Bones. He's going to want to see you. We could all go fishing, come back home, plop ourselves in front of that one hundred and three inch plasma screen of *heaven* and *football* and you can make the *five layer* dip. BRENNAN: Seven layer dip. BOOTH: Even better! Seven layers! Perfect! You can talk to Andy: hello Andy, little baby, little baby baby Andy- (BRENNAN plugs his mouth with a pacifier. BOOTH sucks on it.)

A woman's car is run off the road and she is killed, but her baby miraculously survives the accident. Booth and Brennan go to the woman's hometown to try to find out who's responsible for running her car off the road. Bones, with help from Booth, takes care of the baby until the team finds out who killed the mother.

fd_Merlin_04x01

fd_Merlin_04x01_0

"In a land of myth and a time of magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young man. His name... Merlin." [SCENE_BREAK] Plains of Denaria (day) A cloaked figure struggles to pull a horse cart along a dusty road. Four nights approach on horseback. Sir Leon: Halt! The cloaked woman stops. Sir Leon: Stay where you are. The woman sets down the cart handles a as the knights dismount, Sir Elyan among them. Sir Leon: Where are you headed?... Morgana: The Seas of Meredor. Sir Leon: What's in the cart?... Morgana says nothing. Sir Leon motions for the spare knights to search it and Morgana turns around. Sir Leon: Lady Morgana. Morgana uses magic to throw each of the knights to the ground. She looks around, pulls off her hood and pulls back a blanket in the cart. Morgana: You're all right? Morgause: Yes, thank you, Sister. But we must hurry. Night is nearly upon us... Morgause turns her face towards Morgana, revealing a hideous deformity to the right side of her face. Morgause: ... And we still have far to go. --- New Opening Credits --- Castle Square Merlin runs through knights and servants and into the Castle. Servants are decorating the castle with vines and Merlin ducks under one of them as he bolts up the Griffin Stairway. Merlin: Sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] Castle Kitchens Merlin bumps into more servants and nicks some food off a passing plate. The head cook accosts him with a ladle. Head Cook: What are you doing in my kitchen? Merlin: Uh, the prince's shirt. The cook motions to the line above the stove where the pots are hanging. Head Cook: Keep your dirty fingers off my food, d'you understand? Merlin grabs the shirt and a hook on a string drops down in front of his face. He looks up, confused. Sir Gwaine and Sir Percival are peering down at him with eager and mischievous grins. Gwaine puts a finger to his lips and Merlin laughs. Merlin attaches the hook to one of the roasting chickens and pulls on the string. The knights pull it up to them as Merlin exits hastily. Head Cook: Oi! [SCENE_BREAK] Castle corridors Merlin weaves through bustling servants. A servant with wine pitchers bumps into him and spills it all over Arthur's newly washed shirt. Merlin picks up the stained shirt and stares at it. Sir Lancelot: You could try a bit of salt. Merlin: Arthur is going to kill me. Sir Lancelot: Let's see... Sir Lancelot looks at the shirt. Sir Lancelot: ...You've faced far worse, Merlin. Merlin: He needs it for tonight. Sir Lancelot: I'm sure a man of your talents can think of something. Lancelot lifts his eyebrows knowingly. Lancelot keeps walking and Merlin checks to see no one's looking. Merlin: *spell*Fordwin wamm! Lancelot stops and turns around. Merlin shows him the clean shirt and Lancelot opens his arms as if to say "See, that was easy." The both continue on their way. [SCENE_BREAK] Arthur's chambers Arthur's leaning against his desk and writing, as Merlin enters with his clean white shirt. Merlin: You're dressed. Arthur: Yes, Merlin. I'm not an idiot. Arthur turns around to walk behind his desk. He didn't manage to pull his shirt all the way through his belt in the back and his skin is showing. Merlin sniggers. Merlin: Are you sure about that? Arthur: I beg your pardon? Merlin: It's just that... Arthur: Merlin! Merlin: But you... Arthur: I am trying to write a speech. Merlin: D' you want help? Arthur: No. Merlin: You won't want this, then? Merlin holds up a scroll and Arthur looks up from his desk. Merlin: ... I spent all night working on it. Arthur takes the scroll and looks over it with exaggerated scepticism. Merlin: ... What do you think? Arthur hands it back to Merlin. Arthur: It needs a polish. Merlin: I'll add it to the list. Arthur tosses the speech he was working on. Arthur: Merlin, there aren't many servants who get the chance to write a prince's speech. Obviously it would be too much for you to say, "Thank you." Merlin stares at Arthur for a moment and walks out with his laundry without deigning reply. Arthur smiles. [SCENE_BREAK] Seas of Meredor Morgana helps Morgause limp out of the cart in the foggy wood. Morgause: The Isle of the Blessed. Morgana helps Morgause to the dock. A ferryman waits for them by a longboat. He holds out his hand. Morgause places a coin in it. Morgause: You know where we wish to go. The sisters huddle in the boat, the ferryman at the helm, as it glides across the sea. [SCENE_BREAK] Uther's chambers Uther's hand shakes badly as he lowers his goblet to the table in front of his chair. Gwen enters and watches him with a pitying expression before she approaches him. Gwen: You've not eaten, Sire. Sire? Uther doesn't seem to hear her, lost in his own misery. Gwen takes the tray of untouched food and meets Gaius on her way out. She looks at the potion in Gaius's hand. Gwen: It doesn't seem to make any difference. Gaius: I'm not sure it ever will but at least it gives him peace. Gwen: It's been a year since Morgana betrayed him. Gaius: (nods) His heart is broken and his spirit is gone. Are you joining us for the feast tonight? Gwen: I don't think so. I need to stay with the King. Gaius: You're very good to him, Gwen. Gwen: I don't do it for him; I do it for Arthur. [SCENE_BREAK] Seas of Meredor Morgause and Morgana continue across the sea with the ferryman. [SCENE_BREAK] Council Chamber Sir Leon and Sir Elyan ride into the square and report to Arthur and the Council. Sir Leon: The reports are true, Sire. We caught up with Morgana on the Plains of Denaria. Arthur: Was she alone? Sir Elyan: (shakes head) There was someone else. Arthur: Morgause? Sir Elyan: I couldn't be sure. Agravaine: Where was Morgana heading? Sir Leon: The Seas of Meredor. Gaius: Isle of the Blessed. Agravaine steps into the light. Agravaine: I will send out patrols at first light. Arthur: Thank you, Agravaine. Sir Leon: Sire, you should know her powers have grown. Sir Bertrand and Sir Wontague are both dead. Arthur: Keep me informed of any developments. The councilmen exit. Agravaine remains. Arthur: For months, nothing. Why now? Agravaine: We knew she couldn't stay hidden forever. Today, tomorrow, does it matter? We mustn't live in fear, Arthur. Camelot is strong. If Morgana were to act, we'd be ready for her. Arthur: You're right, of course. I don't know how I'd've got through these last few months without you. Thank you, Uncle. Agravaine: I made a promise to your mother. I'll always be there for you. Arthur nods with a smile and exits [SCENE_BREAK] Isle of the Blessed (night) [SCREECHING] Wyvern shriek as they fly around the fortress as Morgana's boat continues to the isle. [SCENE_BREAK] Banquet Hall Arthur and Agravaine sit on either side of the king's chair at the feast. Arthur stands and the laughter dies down. Arthur: Samhain... It is the time of the year when we feel closest to the spirits of our ancestors. It is a time to remember those we have lost, and to celebrate their passing. [SCENE_BREAK] Isle of the Blessed - Altar Morgause: Samhain is almost upon us. We must hurry. Morgana: I can't do this. Morgause: Sister... Remember what I've told you. It is the only way. What you are about to do will affect everyone, even you. But most importantly, it will bring our enemies to their knees. You must be strong, remember that. Morgause presents Morgana with a dagger. Morgause: ... Do not be scared. Morgana takes the dagger. Morgause: I am not long for this world. There is nothing left for me here now. Morgause weakly climbs onto the altar stone and takes Morgana's hand. Morgause: Please, sister, let my parting be my final gift to you. Morgause lies down on the altar. [SCENE_BREAK] Banquet Hall Arthur raises his glass in a toast. Arthur: To the king. Everyone stands to toast. [GONG CHIMES] [SCENE_BREAK] Isle of the Blessed - Altar Morgana: *spell*Eala leofu sweoster, paem gastum befaeste ic pe. Alys pa peoster pe inne onwunap. Morgana poises the dagger to strike, her eyes glow and she plunges it into Morgause's chest. Morgause gasps. [METAL STRIKES STONE] Morgause: Uh! [SCENE_BREAK] Banquet Hall Merlin senses the magic and everything goes into slow-mo. Image becomes fuzzy and voices are distorted. Gaius: To the King! Agravaine: To the King! The knights toast their glasses as Merlin freaks out. [SCENE_BREAK] Isle of the Blessed - Altar Morgana is blown off her feet. [SCENE_BREAK] Banquet Hall Merlin sees a dead-looking woman in a black, hooded cloak with a staff standing in the middle of the banquet hall. The Cailleach (whisper): Emrys. Emrys. Emrys. [JUG CLATTERS] Merlin drops his empty serving pitcher and the whole hall goes quiet and stares at him. He swoons. Lancelot rushes to his side. Arthur rolls his eyes. Merlin shivers on the floor. [SCENE_BREAK] Isle of the Blessed - Altar The Cailleach strokes Morgana's cheek and Morgana wakes. She sits up and sees the cloaked woman standing in front of the rift. Morgana: Who are you? The Cailleach: I am the Cailleach, the gatekeeper to the Spirit World. You have torn the veil between the worlds. [SCREAMING] The Cailleach: The Dorocha. They are the voices of the dead, my child, and, like the dead, they are numberless. Morgana looks around in fear. The Cailleach: You are right to be afraid, Morgana. Your enemies will rue this day and all the destruction it brings, but you must be aware... Tearing the veil between the worlds has created a new world... and you will not walk through it alone. The one they call Emrys will walk in your shadow. He is your destiny... and he is your doom... Emrys. [SCENE_BREAK] Merlin's room Lancelot lays Merlin on the bed. Sir Lancelot: What happened? Gaius: I don't know. I've never felt anyone so cold before. Sir Lancelot: Will he be all right? Gaius: I'll need Hawthorne to improve the blood flow... and blankets... lots of blankets. [SCENE_BREAK] Gaius's chambers Gaius is grinding something as Merlin steps out of his chamber wearing a blanket. They sit together. Merlin: When she spoke, her voice...it was as though it came from the depths of the Earth, and her eyes...they were so sad. So much pain in them. (He's shivering) Who is she? Gaius: The Cailleach... the gatekeeper to the Spirit World. Merlin: Why is she there? Gaius: It was on the stroke of midnight of Samhain's eve. The moment when the veil between the worlds is at its thinnest. It cannot be a coincidence. Merlin: Why was I the only one to see her? Gaius: You have great power, Merlin. For someone so gifted, such visions are not uncommon. Merlin: But you don't understand. It wasn't a vision. She knew who I was. She called me Emrys. Gaius ponders. Merlin: What is it? What does it mean? Gaius: I'm not sure. But if someone has torn the veil between the worlds, then God help us all. [SCENE_BREAK] Arthur's chambers (morning) Merlin brings in a breakfast tray and sets it noisily on the table while Arthur's still in bed. Arthur: Merlin! Merlin opens the curtains, making a lot of noise. Arthur: Merlin! Merlin: What? [KNOCK AT THE DOOR] Arthur puts a pillow over his face. Someone knocks at the door. Arthur: (muffled) Merlin! Merlin: That's not me. Arthur takes off the pillow and Sir Leon enters. Sir Leon: Excuse me, Sire. You're needed in the Council Chambers as a matter of urgency. [SCENE_BREAK] Council Chamber [GIRL CRIES] The Council is gathered around her. Arthur: What's happened to her? Agravaine: Her village was attacked. Arthur: By who? Agravaine: It's not entirely clear, Sire. [SOBBING CONTINUES] Arthur: What's your name? Drea: Drea. Arthur steps closer and the girl tenses. Arthur puts a comforting hand on her shoulder and speaks tenderly. Arthur: Drea. She uncertainly makes eye contact. Arthur: I'm Arthur. Don't be frightened. Tell me what happened. Drea: My mother, my father, my litter sister, they're... She starts weeping again. Arthur: It's all right. It's all right... Someone attacked them. Drea nods. Arthur: Who? Drea: There was no one... just...shapes. Arthur: You didn't see their faces? Drea: They had no faces. Arthur looks uncertainly at a few councilmen. Merlin turns at the sound of something behind him. He seems to hear some kind of screeching. Drea: I... I keep telling you. They were there, but...they weren't there. They moved so quickly... It was as if they weren't real, but...they must've been. I could hear the people screaming. And then...silence. They were all...dead. [SHE SOBS] Arthur: Hey. Thank you. Arthur turns her to cry on Gaius's shoulder. Arthur: Where is this village? Agravaine: Hawden. to the east of the White Mountains, no more than half a day's hard ride. Arthur: Ready the men. [SCENE_BREAK] Forest The Round Table Knights ride out of Camelot. Merlin is startled by the sound of a woodpecker. Arthur: Merlin... you need your comfort blanket? Merlin: What do you mean? Arthur: You're making ME edgy. [HORSE WHINNIES] Merlin jumps. Arthur: That's a horse. Merlin: Maybe it sensed something. Arthur: Yes, that you're a clot pole. Merlin: That's my word. Arthur: Yeah, and it suits you perfectly. The knights look at a deserted village from the top of a hill. Arthur: It's too quiet. [SCENE_BREAK] In the village (night) They enter the village on foot, night has fallen. All is silent. A door creaks loudly and they freeze until a goat bleats and wanders out. They split up in pairs to search. [CRUNCHING] They all jump. Sir Gwaine: Sorry. Sir Elyan: Here! Gwaine drops the apple and they all run to Elyan. Inside one of the houses, they stare at frosted corpses. They all turn as something whips past behind them. Arthur: You saw it? Sir Gwaine: We are literally chasing shadows. Arthur: Come on. They exit the house and search the village at night, bearing torches. [DISTANT WAILS] Merlin splits off from Lancelot when he hears a door shut in a barn. [RUSTLING] He walks around cautiously [SQUAWKING], a chicken jumps out at him. He sighs in relief. Something shrieks quietly behind him and he sees a wisp of it as it exits the barn. Merlin chases the shrieking wisp and loses it. [DISTANT SCREECHING] [GROWLING] Screaming is getting louder. Merlin: *spell* Leoht! Merlin shines a light from his hand. The light fades. Merlin: *spell* Leoht! Leoht The light shines briefly and disappears. Merlin: Leoht Nothing happens. Screams echo around him. A wisp shoots straight for him. Merlin: *spell* Fleoh nu on moras! Merlin's eyes glow, but nothing happens. Sir Lancelot: Merlin! Lancelot uses his torch to repel the wisp. Sir Lancelot: What happened? Merlin: (tears in the eyes) My magic...I couldn't use it. The others come running. Sir Lancelot: There's something out there! Arthur: You saw it? Sir Lancelot: When it saw the light, it fled. Sir Gwaine: It scared the horses. Merlin: It's not something you can chase or something you can kill. Arthur: We need to get out of here. [DISTANT WAILING] [SCENE_BREAK] Castle Square (night) [BELL RINGS] People are screaming and running into the Castle. Gwen rushes down a hallway with blankets and a torch. Agravaine: Gwen! Warn Gaius there are more victims by the western gate. Agravaine continues down another hallway and Gwen rushes on until a window behind her smashes in right behind a knight. The skull wisp rushes in and the knight screams. Gwen takes cover behind a column and brandishes her torch at the skull wisp. The skull wisp leaves and she crouches to check on the knight. He's frozen solid. [SCENE_BREAK] Morgue Guards exit with a stretcher and Gaius pulls a cloth over the face of one of many victims. Merlin: Gaius. Gaius: Merlin...You saw them. Merlin nods. Gaius: Here, help me. Give me some more sheets. Merlin's still acting strangely. Gaius: Merlin? Merlin: My magic is useless against them. I've tried. I have never felt so powerless. Something deep inside... When it came for me, I felt this emptiness. I couldn't breathe... I'm scared. Gaius: Merlin, it's all right. It's not your fault. [SCENE_BREAK] Agravaine's chambers (morning) Agravaine: We've suffered fifty dead, maybe more. Mainly in the Lower Town. Arthur: And there's no way of fighting them? Agravaine: No, our only weapons are torches. And the light doesn't kill them, it only repels them. Arthur: What are they? Gaius: The Dorocha, Sire. The Spirits of the dead. On Samhain's eve in the time of the Old Religion, the high priestesses would perform a blood sacrifice and release them. Agravaine: But who would do such a thing now? Gaius: Morgana. Arthur: You see her hand in this? Gaius: We know she was travelling to the Isle of the Blessed. Arthur: How do we defeat these creatures? Gaius: I don't know, Sire. No mortal has ever survived their touch. [SCENE_BREAK] Arthur's chambers (night) Merlin lights candles. [CREAKING] He drops his basket of candles; one rolls near the curtains. Arthur looks up. Merlin: I thought I saw something. Arthur: What was it, a spider? Merlin sees the curtain move and stares at the candle on the floor. Arthur watches Merlin's hesitation. They both look at the candle on the floor. Arthur: Just pick it up. Merlin doesn't move, they both stare at the curtain. Arthur: Do you want me to get one of the maids to do it for you? Merlin: It's not a joke. Arthur: Yeah. Arthur approaches the curtain, uses his sword to whip it open. Nothing's there. Merlin sighs in relief. Arthur: You see, Merlin, I could never be like you. I could never let myself look so spineless. Merlin: Oh, you see I'm different. I could never let myself look heartless. Arthur: What? Merlin: All right. Thoughtless. Arthur: Never. Merlin: Definitely humourless. Arthur: That's because you're not funny. Arthur hands Merlin the candle. [SCREAMING] Merlin: You're not scared? Arthur: Oh, I am, Merlin. Maybe more than you. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot (night) The guards light fires in grates all over the city. The Dorocha sweeps past some candles in the Gaius's Chambers and blows out some of them. Gaius snaps up from his work. [SCENE_BREAK] In the lower town. Knights patrol the streets with torches. Sir Percival lags behind when he sees/hears something. He walks over to some barrels and finds three small children huddling behind them. Sir Percival: Hey, hey, hey. It's all right. It's all right, you're safe now. Percival hears the Dorocha and checks to see the knights walking in the distance. Percival leaves the torch and runs through the street with the children in his arms. The Dorocha streaks right for them and Elyan jumps in with a torch just in time. Elyan takes one of the kids and they bring them to their parents in a house. Sir Percival: Thanks. Sir Elyan: Couldn't let you have all the glory, could I? They grin at each other. [SCENE_BREAK] Castle square (morning) The square is packed with refugees carrying their belongings. There is a huge line of people waiting to get some help. [SCENE_BREAK] Council Chamber Gaius: They're coming from across the kingdom. They're looking to Camelot for protection. Arthur: And we will give it to them. Agravaine: We cannot house them all. Arthur: We have to try. Agravaine: How? We cannot live like this forever, Arthur. We must find a way to vanquish these creatures. Arthur: Somewhere in all your books, Gaius, there must be something. All I'm asking for is a way to fight them. Gaius: I fear the Dorocha cannot be defeated by swords and arrows, Sire. If I am right, and the veil between the worlds is torn, then there's only one path open to us... To travel to the Isle of the Blessed and repair it. Arthur: And how do I do that? Gaius: I'm not sure. But for the tear to be created it would have required a blood sacrifice. To seal it... will require another. Arthur: We ride before nightfall. Gaius: And who will be the sacrifice? Arthur: If laying down my life will spare the people of Camelot, then that is what I must do. [SCENE_BREAK] Forest Agravaine rides through the woods. [SCENE_BREAK] Morgana's cave Agravaine enters without knocking. She puts a dagger to his back. Agravaine: My lady? Morgana: My lord... I trust you bring me good news. She lowers the dagger and walks further into her home. Morgana: Tell me. Agravaine: The kingdom is on its knees. Morgana: How terrible. Agravaine: (chuckles) Indeed. Morgana: What of the poor people? Agravaine: More fall every night. Morgana: Such a shame. Agravaine: You should know that Arthur intends to vanquish these creatures. Morgana: (scoffs) Impossible. Agravaine: He makes ready to go to the Isle of the Blessed as we speak. And if the Dorocha don't kill him on the way, our brave little lamb intends to sacrifice himself to repair the veil. Morgana thinks it over and turns away. Agravaine: Something's troubling you... Morgana! Morgana: Something the Cailleach said. She spoke of someone called Emrys. Called him my doom. Agravaine: Your doom? What did she mean? Morgana: I don't know. Agravaine: Morgana, we should be celebrating. Arthur will be dead within the week, leaving the throne open for Camelot's rightful heir. Morgana smirks. [SCENE_BREAK] Uther's chambers Arthur sits by his father. Arthur: There are many things I have to thank you for. You've taught me so much. Most of all, you have taught me what it is to be a prince. I hope that this time you'll be proud of me. Arthur cries as Gwen walks in the doorway. Arthur stands up, cups his father's chin and kisses his forehead. Arthur turns to leave and Uther grabs his arm. Uther: Don't leave me. Arthur: I have to, Father. Uther: Please. Arthur squeezes his father's hand, then wipes his tears and leaves. He sees Gwen and goes to her. Arthur: Promise me you'll look after him when I'm gone. Gwen: What is it? Arthur doesn't respond. Gwen: ... You don't have to go. Arthur: I do. Gwen: Please, Arthur, take care. You are precious, not just the kingdom. Arthur: Smile. Gwen: I can't. Arthur: D'you remember...the first time I kissed you? She smiles. Arthur: There. That's the memory I want to take with me. They embrace. Gwen holds him tight. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside, the Knights are getting ready to leave. They walk their horses out of the castle in slow-mo. [SCENE_BREAK] Agravaine's chambers Arthur hands Agravaine a ring bearing the Pendragon seal. Arthur: You have to take this. It bears the royal seal. In my absence, responsibility to the kingdom rests with you. Agravain: What about your father? Arthur: Should he die, you are to assume the throne. Agravaine: Arthur... Arthur: You're the only person I trust, Uncle. Agravaine: I beg you, for the sake of the kingdom, there must be another way. Agravaine presses the ring back into Arthur's hand. Arthur: My mind is made up. I'm just grateful you're here. Arthur leaves Agravaine with the ring. [SCENE_BREAK] Merlin's room Gaius enters while Merlin is packing. Gaius: Merlin. What're you doing? Merlin: It's my destiny to protect Arthur. Gaius: How? Your magic is powerless against the Dorocha. Merlin: Then I must sacrifice myself in his place. Gaius: No. Merlin: My life has always been marked out by destiny. If this is meant to be...I'm not afraid. I will gladly die, Gaius, knowing that one day...Albion will live. Gaius hugs Merlin. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the castle Lancelot watches Gwen walking to him. He smiles. Sir Lancelot: Gwen. Gwen: Will you grant me a favour? Sir Lancelot: Anything. Gwen looks over at Arthur exiting the city gate with Merlin. Gwen: Look after him. Bring him home. Lancelot looks disappointed. Sir Lancelot: I will protect him with my life. You have my promise. Gwen: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] The forest The knights ride out. After dismounting, they prepare to make camp. Arthur: Elyan, look after the horses, they need watering. I need someone to volunteer to get wood. Merlin: I'll do that. Lancelot watches Merlin go and follows. Sir Lancelot: You shouldn't be here. You have no powers. Merlin: Doesn't matter. Sir Lancelot: You're not a warrior, Merlin. I don't want to see you hurt. If you leave in the morning, I'll cover with Arthur. Merlin: It's your duty to protect Camelot no matter what the cost... Well, it's my duty to protect Arthur. Surely you can understand that. Sir Lancelot: I can understand that very well. [SCENE_BREAK] Morgana's cave Morgana is dreaming. Red and black banners lie strewn on a battlefield with knights' corpses. A raven sitting on a helmet takes flight. Excalibur is stuck in the ground (or in a knight's chest) Emrys walks on the field with a white cane. Morgana: Help me, Emrys. Please. Morgana's wrinkled hand reaches up to Old Merlin from her position on the ground. Merlin: Is this really what you wanted, Morgana? Morgana: Please... Morgana wakes in her bed. At first she seems afraid, then angry. Morgana: Emrys. [SCENE_BREAK] The knights ride by a field littered with peasants corpses. Arthur: We need to reach Daelbeth by nightfall. The knights pick up the pace. [SCENE_BREAK] Ruined fortress (dusk) Arthur: Pair off. Find any wood you can. Get the fires burning. The knights collect firewood while carrying torches. Gwaine hears a man's scream and drops his firewood. The nights gather together as screams start to surround them. The Dorocha launches at them and Arthur wards it off with a torch. Arthur: Let's go! Sir Percival: We haven't got enough! Arthur: Go! The knights are back at the fire pit with Merlin and Lancelot. Merlin pretends to use the flint. Merlin: (whisper)*spell* Bel onbryne. The fire lights instantly. Lancelot looks at him. Merlin makes a cute shrug face. Lancelot grins in amusement. The knights stand around the fire with torches. Percival looks at the fire, then at Arthur. Sir Percival: It won't get us through the night. Arthur: It'll keep the area safe for a while. Later, Gwaine throws a log on the fire. Sir Gwaine: The last one. Maybe we should draw lots, see who gets some more. Arthur: I'll go. Sir Lancelot: You'll need help. Merlin: I'll go with him. Arthur: You sure you're the right person? Merlin: Well, since when have you known how to collect firewood? The knights chuckle. Lancelot watches as they walk off. Merlin collects firewood while Arthur stands guard with a torch. The Dorocha charges them from behind. Arthur: Merlin! Arthur drops the torch to tackle Merlin out of the way. They fall off the wall. Arthur: Let's go! They rush through some passages and close a door behind them. The Dorocha seems to lose them. The knights back at the fire pit shuffle around anxiously. Sir Lancelot: They should have been back by now. Sir Elyan: Someone needs to go and look for them. Sir Percival: We've only one torch between us. Lancelot grabs the torch and starts walking off. Sir Lancelot: Who's coming? Elyan follows, then the other knights. Gwaine grabs his sword belt and puts it on as he follows. Arthur and Merlin hide behind a corner in one of the fortress rooms. Merlin ties a cloth around Arthur's injured arm. They are shivering. Arthur: It's cold. Merlin: Right. Arthur: You're not feeling it? Merlin: I... Merlin shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head. Arthur: You know, Merlin, you're braver than I give you credit for. Merlin: Really? Was that a compliment? Arthur: Don't be stupid. Merlin chuckles and then Arthur does, too. Back in the passages, Lancelot leads the knights through the fortress, warding off the Dorocha with the torch. Back in the hiding chamber, Merlin and Arthur listen to the screaming spirits. Arthur: Of all the things I've faced...I never worried about dying. Merlin: I don't think you should now. Arthur: Sometimes you puzzle me. Merlin: You never fathomed me out. Arthur: No. Merlin: I always thought if things had been different, we'd've been good friends. Arthur: Yeah. Merlin: That's if you hadn't been such an arrogant, pompous, dollop head. Arthur chuckles. Merlin: We will defeat the Dorocha. We will, Arthur, together. Arthur: Well, I appreciate that. You know, you're a brave man, Merlin... between battles. Merlin chuckles. Merlin: You don't know how many times I've saved your life. Arthur: If I ever become king, I'm going to have you made court jester! They chuckle. Then they hear the Dorocha. In the passages, Lancelot and the knights continue the search. Back in the hiding chamber, Merlin and Arthur wait. Arthur: They say the darkest hour is just before the dawn. Merlin: Feels pretty dark now. Arthur: It can't be long. [SCREECHING] The Dorocha finds them and sweeps through the door. Arthur starts to rush out from around the corner, but Merlin pulls him back and stands up himself, running straight for the Dorocha. Arthur: Merlin, no! [SCREECHING] Merlin jumps at the Dorocha. It catches him in the chest, stops him mid-air and throws him back against the stone wall. Lancelot enters and wards off the Dorocha with the torch, then hands it to Percival and turns to Arthur. Sir Lancelot: What happened? Arthur and Lancelot go to Merlin. They turn him over, his face is covered with frost.

It's been one year since Morgana's betrayal. On Samhain , Morgana sacrifices Morgause, with her approval, to summon the mighty Cailleach to tear open the veil between the worlds. Cailleach informs her that Emrys would be her doom. The next day, Arthur, Merlin and the knights investigate the mysterious slaughtering of a whole village, and they're attacked by hellish creatures who kill by touch. Gaius later identifies them as Dorocha. As refugees flow to Camelot, Gaius tells Arthur a blood sacrifice is needed to repair the veil, and Arthur decides to sacrifice himself. Agravaine is shown to be in league with Morgana. Gwen asks Lancelot to protect Arthur. En route to the island of the Blessed, they stay the night at a ruined castle where they're also attacked by Dorocha. Merlin throws himself at them to save Arthur.

fd_Salem_01x03

fd_Salem_01x03_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] John: Isaac? Isaac: Isaac, the fornicator. Coming home to Salem to get out of the war is like jumping in the ocean to get out of the rain. Isaac: You can't leave Salem just yet. Something you've got to see. Mr. Hale: Someone broke our circle. Mary: Who saw us? Mr. Hale: I do not know. Mary: I waited for you. Years and years. John: Come with me. Mary: I can't. It's impossible. Tituba: The grand rite has begun, and the earth cries out for innocent blood. Mary: I know well my duties. George: [Grunts] The only thing that keeps me alive is the look on your face when John Alden finds out what you really are. Bridget: [Screaming] Anne: Father, you know Bridget. How could you think her guilty of this? Mr. Hale: It isn't a matter of what I think. What a mess you've made of things. Bridget: [Gasping] Anne: [Sobbing] Mary: I don't want you here. John: I almost believe you. [Insects chirping] Cotton: You're so beautiful. "Fear no man's war, for only a war from hell could destroy Salem." The devil was never going to let a promised land be built here without a battle. Mary: Do you know what killed nearly every woman buried here? Love. Cotton: And witches armed with deadly malice... Mary: Most died in childbirth. So love is to a woman... Cotton: Are the most malignant and insidious weapons in that battle... Mary: What war is to a man. The most deadly thing, they'll do. Cotton: That war for the body and the soul of a nation. Mary: Only a fool runs quickly to war... Cotton: Imagine a foe you can't see... Mary: Or love. Cotton: Armed with weapons unknown... Mary: I can teach you... Cotton: And the ability to appear as anyone. Mary: About life and death and many things in between. Anne: Stop it! Just stop it! Stop. Cotton: Shh. Judge not, lest ye be judged. [Gasps] [Water splashes] [Indistinct shouting] ["Cupid Carries a Gun" plays] ♪ Pound me the witch drums ♪ ♪ witch drums ♪ ♪ pound me the witch drums ♪ ♪ pound me the witch drums ♪ ♪ the witch drums ♪ ♪ better pray for hell ♪ ♪ not hallelujah ♪ [indistinct shouting] Man: Burn in hell! [Shouting continues] Woman: Sin! Isaac: Be assured, Mrs. Bridget... ones that are weepin' far outnumber the ones that might spit or curse. Man: Burn in hell! Burn! [Indistinct shouting] Tituba: You would do well to pay that boy extra to take them bodies a more circuitous route. Mary: Spectacle is fuel for our fire. Tituba: And doubt is indulged by the rich and spoiled only. Mind that you was born neither. Woman: "Give me to die with thee that I may rise to a new life, "for I wish to be as dead and buried to sin, to selfishness..." Mary: By all means, Reverend... do not offer prayer or comfort or words of encouragement. No, stand as a bewildered statue amongst the people of Salem and offer them absolutely nothing. Cotton: What would you have me do? Mary: What I brought you here to do. Guide and support us in our great hour of need. Warm our hearts with your words of wisdom. Assure us it is God's will we do in ferreting out the devil. Or at the very, very least... Pray. Mr. Hale: Tragic day. Mary: Tragic but necessary. Mr. Hale: Tragically necessary. Surely, the grieving of the masses gives you pause. Mary: Most spit and curse while summoning the burning flames of hell. Mr. Hale: There are also those who weep for her and find her hanging unfounded. Mary: Not enough to divert our intentions. A panic's success relies on its escalation. The grand rite has begun. We look to our next victim. Mr. Hale: And that I disagree, that I strenuously and most vehemently oppose means nothing to you? We were seen at our sabbat. And you throw caution to the wind. Mary: And have you identified who saw us? Perhaps your disagreements and vehement opposition might hold more weight if you could be relied on to complete a simple task. Good day, Hale. [Indistinct shouting] Cotton: What must I do to be saved? It is impossible to ask a more weighty question. Lest we perish eternally. John: How's it feel? Cotton: How does what feel? John: Killing two innocents in as many days. Cotton: The evidence against Miss bishop... woman: The orphanage! Help! They're looting the orphanage! [Glass shatters] Anne: Get out! It's not yours! [Baby crying] Get John: Next one's to your head. [Children crying] Are you okay? Anne: It's awful. It's too awful. Mr. Hale: W-what's happened? John: Thieves have come to ransack the orphanage now that the town sees fit to hang its guardian. Mr. Hale: Easy, son. John: This is what comes of your witch panic. Mr. Hale: Are you all right? Anne: This is your fault! And his. Mr. Hale: [Sighs] Forgive her. She's distraught. Anne: I'm right! See me home. Mr. Hale: Captain, if you wouldn't mind, hmm? John: Yes. Of course. Anne: Where have they taken her? John: Foul spot where they rest the unwanted. Anne: Is it very terrible? John: Yes. [Bell tolling] Anne: Thank you... For your heroism and your candor. [Horse whinnies] [Door opens] Petrus: [Laughs] Welcome, welcome, welcome! A cup of tea? A touch of port? Mr. Hale: No time. Who saw us in the woods? Petrus: It was... He who is marked. He of the "F" that furrows his brow. Mr. Hale: Isaac? Petrus: The fornicator. Mr. Hale: The idiot. Petrus: One more thing. Isaac was not alone. Mr. Hale: Who else was with him? Petrus: I don't know. I could not make out the face. Mr. Hale: You don't know. What good are you? A seer who can't see. Petrus: It's not an exact art. Mr. Hale: Evidently not. Petrus: [Chuckles] John: Hello? [Metal scraping] [Crow caws] Hello? [Dog growling] [Snarling] [Grunts] [Breathing heavily] John: What the hell was that place? Mr. Hale: The shack belongs to Petrus, an expert on creatures both feral and otherwise. John: Yeah, well, they looked dead... Until they didn't. Mr. Hale: No dead animal could threaten a storied soldier such as yourself, Captain. John: It could, if powered by forces we don't understand. Mr. Hale: Such as? John: Witchcraft. Mr. Hale: Nonsense. John: Is it? You know him well, this Petrus? Mr. Hale: You'll find no man more ordinary than Petrus. To say that he's mundane is to overstate his passion. John: And what ordinary task brought you deep into the forest to seek his mundane counsel? Mr. Hale: Easy, son... Or I might suspect your presence here as more than a coincidence, that, perhaps, for reasons of your own about which I'm sure you'd rather I not inquire, you might have followed me here. And what a shame... To have suspicion overtake the grace I owe for the kindness you showed my daughter. John: Consider it repaid. Mr. Hale: Right. George: [Gagging] Mary: George, really. [Scoffs] You are worse than a child. George: [Groans] Mary: He serves at my behest, not yours. He won't come out for you. Ohh. There, there, little man. Oh, pay the beast no mind. Rest now, and I'll see to your feeding later. Tituba: Isaac's brung the master's potions. Mary: Tell him to wait. [Sighs] Ohh, George. Your nightdress thoroughly drenched in sick. Stew in that for the day, my sweet. George: [Gurgles] Isaac: For Mr. Sibley. Mary: Oh, and not a moment too soon. Just now, he suffered a fit of sorts. Isaac: If you don't mind me saying so, ma'am, it's a burden you've took on... a burden and load, carried out without cry or complaint. Mary: My burdens can't compare to that of Salem itself. How do you find the spirits on the square? Isaac: Low, ma'am. Awful low. Mary: Perhaps there is solace to be found in remembrance of times when we've both shouldered worse. Who could have imagined that a single night could have consequence for so many? Not all scars can be seen. But they exist nonetheless. Isaac: Next morning, she was gone. Run away and disappeared. Mary: Oh, your sweet Abby. Isaac: I'll admit to wondering on occasion what it might be like to one day see her again or know of her or hear her fate. Would it be better or so much worse? Mary: I can assure you, Isaac... if you were to see her again, you would find those feelings buried too deeply for hope of resurrection. Good afternoon, Isaac. Isaac: G'day, ma'am. [Indistinct conversations] Aah! [Grunting] [Insects buzzing] What is that? What is that? What are you... what are you doing? Please. Please. [Muffled screaming] [Gasps] [Breathing heavily] Pigman: What did you see in the woods? Isaac: [Screams] Pigman: We knew you weren't alone. Woman: We know! We know! We know! Isaac: [Cries] Woman: Who was there?! Who was there?! Isaac: I was alone! I was alone! Mr. Hale: Get it all. Want no trace of our efforts. The fault must lie with him alone. [Crow caws] And put these in his pockets. If he's to be found a witch, the good reverend will require proof... evidence to seal his fate, hmm? What is it? Is this sympathy that I'm sensing? One outcast to the other? Is that what you feel, you decrepit deformity? Ghoul: Mary! Mr. Hale: So now even you would question me? Do as you're told! Does your great Mary know what it is to watch witches burn? Nothing of the old ways while she's whipping us toward the new. A spell of vitae cupido, and then we send him to the one place in town that will certainly deny him entrance. That should get their attention. Gloriana: [Sniffles] Cotton: You're crying. Gloriana: [Chuckling] I'm not. Cotton: You are. What's wrong? Gloriana: If they can hang a woman like Miss bishop, what does that mean for someone like me? Cotton: Nothing is going to happen to you. Gloriana: How can you be so sure? Just yesterday, it was me that they put before the Lewis girl. Would you have come forward had I been accused? Cotton: I follow every protocol. I adhere to every letter of what my father taught me. No one is convicted without incontrovertible evidence. Gloriana: So you're certain Miss bishop was a witch? Cotton: I am certain... Of the evidence. Gloriana: Why do you do it? Cotton: Why? Gloriana: Is it that you believe that you're doing good? Or is it that you wish to please your father? [Screaming, glass shattering] Gloriana: It's Isaac! He's mad! [Glass shatters] [Screaming continues] Cotton: I can't be seen here. Isaac: [Laughs] Let me touch you! [Women screaming] Get up! Woman: Isaac, no! Isaac: Ha ha! Ah ha ha! [Women screaming] Isaac: [Laughing maniacally] [Isaac screaming] Gloriana: Isaac, what are you doing? Isaac: What do you see?! Cotton: Isaac! Isaac: Oh, there you are! Cotton: Isaac! [Women screaming] Isaac: Isaac the fornicator! Isaac the fornicator! Hide your wives! Hide all your sheep! Isaac the fornicator will get them when they sleep! Isaac the fornicator! Hide your wives! Hide your wives! Hide all your sheep! Isaac the fornicator! Hide your wives! John: Isaac! Isaac: Hide your sheep. Isaac the fornicator. John: Stop! Isaac! Isaac: Jonathan, it's no good. It's no good! John: What is no good? Isaac: They saw us. They saw us. They saw us in the woods. They saw us. They saw us in the woods. They saw us. John: Shut up. Mr. Hale: Take him to the jail. Isaac: They saw us in the woods. They saw us. John: Shh. Mary: Magistrate. Mr. Hale: Mrs. Sibley. Mary: What have you done? Mr. Hale: The idiot saw us in the woods. Mary: Isaac. So, you did this without consent? Mr. Hale: He wasn't alone. We'll find out who was with him, and he will burn. Mary: No, you will do nothing further. Mr. Hale: But... Mary: Nothing! Go home, Magistrate. You reek of the woods. [Horse neighs] Find me Rose. Isaac: [Groans] John: A drunken romp, that's all... a young man's prerogative. Cotton: And yet no smell of spirits on him. John: Oh, well, burn him, then. Why wait? Cotton: If he was spelled, he's blameless in his actions. John: Yet you still hold him. Why? Cotton: Found on his person. Likely stolen to cast a spell on its owner. John: One minute, he's speller. The next, he's bewitched. Make up your mind, Reverend. Is he a witch or a victim of the craft? Cotton: Chief ingredient of a witch's brew. John: Isaac took me into those woods. He risked his life to show me the witches. Why, if he was one? Lamb: I've, uh, administrated a tonic that'll settle him down and, uh, end the fits. Cotton: What is your surgeon's opinion of the boy's condition? Lamb: I can't say for sure as to cause or source, but going by his babble, that boy is good and touched. Mr. Hale: Every benefit of the doubt, every Avenue explored. The boy is one of our own. Outcast and shunned as he may be, he still resides in the bosom of Salem. I'll, uh... I'll speak with him personally. Lamb: [Laughs] Not tonight, you won't. Mr. Hale: And why not? John: Lamb gave Isaac a tonic to help him sleep. [Horse neighs] Cotton: Probably best, Magistrate, to return in the morning. John: Yes, Magistrate. You can have your personal talk with him then. [SCENE_BREAK] Mary: Rose, absent the magistrate, what chance have I of harnessing the body's allegiance? Rose: [Sighs] The others are split between old and new. Difficult to predict the outcome of such a divide. Mary: You're old and yet somehow not governed by this fear. Rose: It is not age that divides us, but ambition. Mary: [Chuckles] Well, he's not without ambition. Rose: It chafes him to bend to a woman, but he does so that our greater purpose may live. Mary: It was to be me that led us. Rose: It was and it is. Mary: Questioned and challenged at every turn, each and every decision soliciting doubt and scrutiny. Rose: Much as we may wish it, primacy does not live in the abyss. Mary: It cannot have all been in vain. Rose: Sibley. Your baby. Mary: It cannot have all been in vain. This life, my... Rose: Choices. Mary: Was there a choice? Or was choice taken from me? Rose: It's too late now to think of such things. Mary: Is it? Rose: It mustn't have been easy seeing him again. It is yours to decide, my girl, what is in vain and what is not. Mary: And you will stand behind my decision? Rose: Up to a point. Mary: Hmm. Rose: The magister's roots are old. He has seen much and suffered greatly. Do not underestimate him. [Thunder rumbles] John: Mrs. Sibley. Mary: Captain Alden. John: Isaac is not a witch. You do nothing, he'll be hung for one. We have to stop this. There's nothing left in you. No feelings, no heart. You're not the girl I once knew. Mary: Have they questioned him? John: No. That's because he was given a sleeping tonic. Mary: So he's said nothing. John: Nothing. But Cotton is eager, and the magistrate was hard to turn away. Mary: Hale? Was there? John: He came straight to question him. Mary: You have my complete allegiance. [Horse neighs] Cotton: "Our opportunities to do good are our talents." My father said that. The great increase Mather. To stay impartial, to weigh without bias... is this the good I am meant to do? I don't want your life in my hands. Half of Salem takes you for a fool. The rest dismiss you as a pervert. Am I mad to think I saw something in you? Something of a man? And just the sort Salem needs to fight the devil. [Thunder rumbles] Abigail: [Echoing] Isaac, Isaac. Isaac, Isaac. Oh, sweet Isaac. Isaac: Abby? [Laughs] Abby? Abigail: Isaac. Isaac: How did you... Abigail: Shh. My sweet. Tell me... who was with you in the woods? Isaac: Who was what? Abigail: The other night. Who was with you? Mary: Who was with you, my sweet Isaac? Abigail: Who was with you, my love? No one can hear us. If you love me, you'll tell me. Isaac: I can't. Abigail: Tell me, and we'll be together again, just like we were. Isaac: [Sighs] I can't. Abigail: You can. Isaac: I can't. Cotton: You can't what? Abigail: You can. It's okay. Who was with you, my love? Isaac: It was John Alden. [Door opens] [Door closes] Mary: Good morning, Magistrate. Mr. Hale: Good morning, Mrs. Sibley. What an unforeseen delight. Will you join me in some coffee? W-we've been experimenting with a new Brazilian brew. Mary: May we speak? Mr. Hale: The ladies are at prayer. Mary: He was alone... Isaac. Mr. Hale: You questioned him? How? Mary: He was alone in the woods. And that ends this persecution. Mr. Hale: And you're absolutely certain that Isaac was telling the truth? Mary: The circumstances were such that a lie would not... could not... cross his lips. Mr. Hale: Well, then, that leaves nothing but to task the selectmen to a vote and hang the boy for witchcraft. Mary: No. Mr. Hale: Salem will be no poorer for one less nitwit. Mary: No. Mr. Hale: [Sighs] We will never truly know what he saw, and what he saw could get us all killed. Mary: I can control Isaac. Mr. Hale: And what of the grand rite? You wanted another victim, and now you have one. Tick-tock, Mrs. Sibley. The next moon fast approaches. Mary: I will not let this happen. Mr. Hale: You're powerless to stop it. The council will rule overwhelmingly against it. Mary: You will not do this! [Plate rattles] Mr. Hale: It can only be sentiment that's stopping you. Such raw emotion. It makes you vulnerable. Don't let it cloud your purpose. He has to go. Anne: Mrs. Sibley. Mary: Good morning, Anne. Isaac: They ain't mine. I've said it 10 ways from Sunday! Cotton: Then how did they come to be on your person? Isaac: I don't know. The pigman must have put them on me. Or that blasted specter from the crags. Cotton: The pigman? Isaac: He saw us that night in the woods. That's why they're doing this to me. Don't you see? They know I seen something. [Horse neighs] [Sighs] Cotton: What else do you remember? Isaac: From the woods? Cotton: No. From the other night. At... at the rod? Isaac: The whorehouse? Nothing. I-I-I don't remember anything. I told you... Mary: Captain, a word. Magistrate Hale will be here soon for Isaac. He's prepared to force a vote and hang him. You will stop him. John: How? Mary: Any way you must. Mr. Hale: Well, the business of Salem awaits no man. Anne: I know what you're doing, and I hate you for it. Mrs. Hale: Unacceptable language. Utterly and completely horrid sentiment. Anne: My friend is dead. And you rush out to kill another. Mr. Hale: Darling, you must understand... Anne: Even Mary Sibley, with whom I share not a single common opinion, finds your actions vile! Mr. Hale: And just how much of my conversation did you feel yourself entitled to? Anne: Enough to know that this persecution of Isaac is folly! Will you kill another, father? Is that the "business" you're so eager to attend to? Mr. Hale: Everything I do, I do for this family... For its well-being and for the greater good of this town. [Door opens] [Door closes] Anne: What? No "how dare you?" Or "mind your elders"? Mrs. Hale: For once, my daughter, I agree with you. Anne: You do? Mrs. Hale: But if I were you, I'd find an Avenue around your distaste for Mrs. Sibley in order to absorb her manners and ways. Anne: She's despicable. I could never be like her. Mrs. Hale: She is a woman who has found her way to a voice. Anne: Look how she uses it. Mrs. Hale: You could use yours any way you like, but you have to find it first, unless you want to spend the rest of your life shouting at your father... Or... Your husband. Cotton: What did Mrs. Sibley require? John: Are you convinced of Isaac's innocence or guilt? Cotton: I am not convinced of either. John: Then stay the hell out of my way. Mr. Hale: We shall take the boy to trial. John: That path leads to the gallows. Mr. Hale: It's in no one man's hands. John: Really? Whose hands is it in? Mr. Hale: God's, of course. John: No. Mr. Hale: Need I remind you, son, that you are impeding the very same man who only yesterday was your savior? John: Yeah. That was yesterday. You want Isaac today... You got to go through me. Mr. Hale: The great John Alden disappears for a decade and then dares to come back and dictate how to run our town? Take him. [Footsteps] Tituba: He is not worth this Isaac. Mary: This has nothing to do with Isaac. Tituba: I know. Which means it has to do with John Alden. Mary: The Magistrate will learn who leads us, and he will accept it. Tituba: Or? [Snake hisses] [Gasps] [Gasping] [Choking] John: [Grunting] Cotton: Help him. Isaac: [Screams] Messenger: Magistrate Hale, your daughter! Mr. Hale: Stop! Get him back in the cell! Stop! Stop! Get him back in the cell! What? What's happened? Isaac: [Grunting] Lamb: Has she et something strange from the garden or the woods? Mrs. Hale: No. Lamb: Was she bit by an insect or a critter? Mrs. Hale: No, no! Please! Mr. Hale: What's happened? Mrs. Hale: She... she can't breathe! Mr. Hale: For God's sakes, man, do something! Lamb: She is beyond my arts. [Anne choking] Mrs. Hale: Where... [door opens] Mr. Hale: Stop it! Make it stop! Mary: Magistrate, good afternoon. Mr. Hale: I beg of you. Isaac can go free, whatever you want. Just make it stop. Mary: You will not question him. Mr. Hale: No. Mary: You will get out of my way. You will let me lead without further interference. I will choose who lives and who dies. Mr. Hale: Yes, yes. Help her. Mary: You see, Magistrate, I've lost everything in this town that I ever cared for. You, however, you have everything left to lose... a sentiment that makes you vulnerable. Mr. Hale: [Sighs] Please. My daughter. My daughter. [Indistinct conversations] Mrs. Hale: She's improved. Mr. Hale: [Sighs] I never understood it before... how my parents could send me away. What could be worse than being apart? Certainly not death. Now I know a parent will do anything for the life of their child. Mrs. Hale: What did you do? Anne: What happened? Mr. Hale: It's all right, darling. Everything's going to be all right. [Smooches] [John groans] Cotton: A confession... I've thought, on occasion, my character might've been improved by the infrequent tussle. John: Oh, yeah. Beating's done you a world of good. Why did you help me? Cotton: Even God demands a fair fight. Mr. Hale: Gentlemen. The selectmen and I feel, in this particular case, that a trial and a vote will be unnecessary. Clearly, the lad was drunk. We are willing to let him go and drop charges. Unless, of course, the Reverend feels otherwise. Cotton: A drunken romp is all... a young man's prerogative. Why don't you tell him? John: Well... The good folks of Salem have declared you a drunk and not a witch. You're sprung. Isaac: I'm free? John: Yeah. Get the hell out of here. Isaac: Pretty sure no one's ever stood for me before. Makes it hard to know what to say. You saved my life. Cotton: Excellent news. Isaac has been spared. Gloriana: What? How? Cotton: There simply wasn't the required evidence to convict. I told you I was thorough and that the innocent... Have no cause for alarm. Does that not give you peace? Gloriana: That is today, but what of the days that follow? Cotton: We will take them as they come. Gloriana: We will? Cotton: I told you... no harm will come to you. Gloriana: You can't be sure. Cotton: I can. Gloriana: Do you ever wonder? Cotton: What? Gloriana: If we could leave this place? If we could forget Salem and its witches? If we could have a different life? Cotton: I believe I'm doing good. Gloriana: I know. And your father would be so very proud. [Bell tolling] Mary: Isaac has been freed? John: Yes. Mary: Good. John: You should see the militia. Mary: I'm grateful. For Isaac. John: Okay, then. Mary: John... We were fortunate today, but we might not be so lucky in days to come. If you insist on staying... you must understand I cannot protect you. George: [Gargles]

When Magistrate Hale discovers that it was Isaac who broke the witches circle, it's up to John to save him. A power struggle arises within the hive, forcing Mary to assert her authority with potentially deadly consequences.

fd_Gilmore_Girls_04x01

fd_Gilmore_Girls_04x01_0

OPEN IN LORELAI'S FRONT YARD [An airport shuttle van drops Lorelai and Rory off in front of their house, then pulls away] LORELAI: Agh! RORY: And we're home. LORELAI: How long does a freakin' van ride take? RORY: Not that long! LORELAI: Everybody in the world's life flashed before my eyes. That's how much time I had. I thought we were gonna die on that van. RORY: It seemed a good possibility. LORELAI: Ugh, that van ride felt longer than our train ride from Paris to Prague, and we had that group of French boys singing Sk8er Boi and smelling like a soccer field sitting all around us. [Babette comes out of her house and rushes over to them] BABETTE: Oh my God, you're back! Morey, they're back! Are you hurt? Are you bleeding? LORELAI: Oh, we're fine. BABETTE: You're fine? They're fine! Morey! MOREY: [opens his front door] Yeah? BABETTE: They're fine! MOREY: Okay. [goes back inside] BABETTE: What the hell happened to you two? According to the itinerary that Rory gave me, you were supposed to be home on Saturday. LORELAI: The itinerary that Rory gave you? BABETTE: So when you girls didn't show up, we panicked! Morey? MOREY: [opens front door] Yeah? BABETTE: Didn't we panic? MOREY: Yeah. [goes inside] LORELAI: Hey, Morey, you ever thought about just staying out here at times like these? BABETTE: By Sunday night, I was a complete basketcase. I thought you'd been kidnapped by some crazy Sandinistas or something. LORELAI: 'Cause the Sandinista movement is so popular in France. BABETTE: So, finally, I just started calling consulates. RORY: Consulates? LORELAI: How many consulates? BABETTE: Ah, jeez, all of 'em. Anyhow, you're here. Let's go inside, I wanna hear all about Europe. Morey, I'm going in! MOREY: [calls from his house] Okay. [Babette goes into Lorelai's house] LORELAI: You gave her an itinerary? RORY: I thought it would be good for someone to know where we were. LORELAI: Oh, you gave her an itinerary and she called every consulate in the world. RORY: If we were caught smuggling hash over the border and we were thrown in some Turkish prison, wouldn't you want someone to know that we were in Turkey? LORELAI: Where'd we get this hash we were smuggling? RORY: You were at a café, you met a guy, he was sweet-talking you, he put the stuff in your purse when you weren't looking. LORELAI: At least tell me he was cute. RORY: He was not bad for a hash dealer. LORELAI: Hm. [they walk into the house] BABETTE: [calls from the kitchen] I'm making cocoa! LORELAI: She's making cocoa 'cause you gave her an itinerary. RORY: I may have given her the itinerary, but you're the one who got us busted for drug smuggling. LORELAI: Reality has absolutely no place in our world. [they walk to the kitchen] BABETTE: Okay, I wanna hear all about Europe. Come on, tell me, what'd you see? LORELAI: Well, everything. Uh, Notre Dame, the Roman Baths, St. Peter's Basilica. RORY: Mom touched the Pope. BABETTE: You're kidding! LORELAI: Actually, I just touched his car. Then one of the Swiss guards in the fruity cool clothing busted me. RORY: Luckily, Mom's fluent in flirting. LORELAI: And flirting with a guy in a pompom hat and a skirt is quite an accomplishment. BABETTE: Well, it sounds like you had a terrific trip. RORY: It was. [Lorelai signals for her to fake a yawn, and Rory does] LORELAI: Aw, are you okay, hon? RORY: Yeah, I'm just a little sleepy. BABETTE: Aw, of course, you girls must be wiped. I'll, uh, get out of here. LORELAI: Oh, but thanks, Babette. BABETTE: Well, goodnight, sleep tight. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Morey, I'm coming home! [leaves] RORY: I'm gonna go unpack. LORELAI: Oh, unpack tomorrow. RORY: No, if I leave stuff packed overnight, everything's gonna get gross. LORELAI: Everything's already gross. [they walk into Rory's bedroom] RORY: Ahhh. [Rory walks to the closet as Lorelai gets on the bed] LORELAI: Oh my God, your bed feels good. RORY: Do not get comfortable. I will sleep on top of you if I have to. LORELAI: Oh man, smell this. [holds up a pillow] RORY: What? LORELAI: I forgot that pillows don't have to smell like feet. You know, I have to say, I think it's good I did this hostel thing in my thirties, and I'll tell you why. RORY: [hugging the clothes in her closet] I missed you, I missed you all! LORELAI: If I had done it in my twenties or teens, I would've been naïve enough to think that hostels were exotic and romantic. But once you're in your thirties, you've lived enough to know they're gross and should be avoided at all costs. RORY: [to her clothes] I had a dream about you in Copenhagen. You were there, and you, and you, and you. LORELAI: Listen, since we slept on the plane, we should go to sleep now, but get up really early tomorrow. We don't wanna blow this whole week being jet-lagged. We need to establish normal sleeping patterns. RORY: Fine. LORELAI: Okay. I'm gonna go take a shower and leave you alone to make out with your sock drawer. RORY: Close the door. [Lorelai leaves. Rory pulls open her sock drawer] RORY: Hello, boys. [opening credits] CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Rory is organizing the souvenirs in the living room. Lorelai walks down the steps talking on the phone] LORELAI: [on phone] Gilmore, Lorelai, yes. My daughter's name is Lorelai also. Well, very confusing or, in your case, extremely convenient. Uh, no, see, we were never missing, it was a big mistake. RORY: Who are you talking to? LORELAI: Belgium. RORY: Ah. LORELAI: [on phone] Yes, uh huh, Babette Dell. She got our arrival dates mixed up and she was just worried, but we're fine, we're here. We just loved your fries. Okay, sure, bye bye. [hangs up] Okay, Belgium's done, Lisbon's calling me back, Berlin had no idea what I was talking about, and Paris is pissed. RORY: At who? LORELAI: Ugh, who knows? Okay, I'm taking a break and then I'm taking on the Netherlands. I still cannot believe Babette did this. RORY: She just loves us. LORELAI: Well, be a little less lovable, would you, 'cause it's costing me a fortune. Try being one of those kids where people are like, "Oh really, she was kidnapped? Hey, well, thin the herd." RORY: Very nice. Hey, who are the rosary beads for? LORELAI: They're mine. RORY: What do you need rosary beads for? LORELAI: They're cute. RORY: They're for prayer. LORELAI: Well, pray they match my blue suit? RORY: They have just upgraded you to a queen-size bed, Jacuzzi tub, junior suite in hell. LORELAI: Hm. Oh, Pieta placemat? RORY: Oh, Gypsy. LORELAI: How are you feeling? RORY: You know, not bad. Just a little spacy. LORELAI: Like a cold medicine buzz? RORY: Maybe we got lucky and missed the jet lag. LORELAI: I hope so because we have a very big week ahead of us. RORY: Oh yeah? LORELAI: Yes. In fact, I have here in my hand a schedule of all the activities we are going to partake in over this week, the final week of Rory Gilmore's life before she enters the ivy-covered hallowed halls of Yale University. RORY: Schedule, please. LORELAI: Okay. Today we get these presents out to our friends and then we hit the mall. RORY: Got it. LORELAI: Tomorrow we get an early start and we hit three of the crappier movies that are out. RORY: And then we have dinner at Grandma's. LORELAI: Which I will conveniently not put down on my list in the hopes that that magically goes away. Uh, okay, the next day we hit New York, see your fancy art galleries, hit the Strand. RORY: Yes! LORELAI: Pizza at John's. Um, Sunday, pick up all the stuff you need for school, and then there's a barbecue at Sookie's. Monday is mani/pedi, facial, haircut, go to the psychic, and stock up for Tuesday, the day of all days - Godfather I, II, and III, with extra showings of the Sofia death scene over and over as long as the Mallomars hold out. RORY: The perfect day! LORELAI: I agree. RORY: And I think we have just enough of the biscotti that we brought back from Milan to last us the rest of the week. LORELAI: Oh, good. Well, everything's in order, so, uh, let's get going and get this stuff out of here. RORY: Okay. LORELAI: Wow, we sure have a lot of gifts. Do we like this many people? RORY: I didn't think so. Maybe we're getting soft in our old age. LORELAI: Okay, well, I guess we should get some tote bags. RORY: What tote bags? LORELAI: We must have tote bags. RORY: Where would we get tote bags? LORELAI: Excuse me, every woman who's ever purchased seventy-five dollars worth of Clinique products has some tote bags. RORY: We don't have tote bags. LORELAI: Well, how are we supposed to get this stuff out of here? CUT TO SIDEWALK [Lorelai and Rory walk down the street wearing their backpacks] LORELAI: Now we're the quirky backpack ladies. RORY: One of the kinder nicknames that have been attributed to us. LORELAI: Let's just be very efficient about this. Okay, we'll start with Patty, work our way clockwise around the town, end with Andrew. And let's stick with the 'my mom touched the Pope' anecdote. It's quick, it's peppy, and everybody likes a nice Pope story. RORY: Do we have time to stop at Luke's? I'm starving. LORELAI: Absolutely. This is our week, this week we do anything we want. RORY: I like this week. LORELAI: Hey, I wonder if Luke and Nicole actually went on that cruise. RORY: I thought he was going. LORELAI: Yeah, I know, but I wonder if he actually went. RORY: Why wouldn't he? LORELAI: Well, I don't know. Because he'd have to pack and leave, plus he'd have to buy a bathing suit. RORY: Well, I hope he went. He could use a good vacation. Plus, he really seems to like Nicole. LORELAI: Mmhmm. Yeah, he does. Oh, hey, looks like the soda shop is open. RORY: Oh, cool. [They stop outside the soda shop and see Luke and Taylor arguing inside] LUKE: I am gonna kill you. TAYLOR: Oh, please, you are not. LUKE: I am, too. I'm gonna kill you. I should've killed you before. I should've killed you the minute you put up those unicorn topiaries in the park, but, hey, hindsight, right? RORY: Aw, I've missed that. LORELAI: What do you think, biscotti moment? RORY: Absolutely. [Lorelai and Rory eat biscotti while they watch Luke and Taylor argue] TAYLOR: You don't have to yell, Luke. LUKE: You put a giant window in my wall. TAYLOR: So what? LUKE: A giant window! Right here! You can see my entire diner. And when I'm in my diner, I can see your whole stupid store. TAYLOR: I don't understand why yours is a diner and mine is a stupid store. LUKE: Look at this place! Look at you. All you need is six dancing penguins and Mary Poppins floating in the corner to bring back two of the worst hours of my childhood. TAYLOR: I don't think you had a childhood. I think you came out a bitter surly killjoy. LUKE: You can't change the basic structure of this place without my okay! What? TAYLOR: Your hand is near the wax lips. LUKE: So? TAYLOR: If you could just move it so you don't accidentally touch the candy. Lucas. [Luke rummages through the different boxes of candy] What are you doing? You stop that right now! LUKE: [throws candy in the air] Look at all the pretty candy! TAYLOR: Agh, stop it right now! LORELAI: [gasps] Oh my God! RORY: Hm, what? What's the matter? LORELAI: Luke. RORY: Yeah, he's finally lost it. LORELAI: No, we forgot Luke. RORY: We forgot Luke what? Oh, we forgot to bring him back a gift. Oh no! LORELAI: We kept putting it off and putting it off. RORY: We couldn't find anything good enough. LORELAI: We should've gotten him that bullfighter's uniform. RORY: Well, so what do we do? LORELAI: Well, we have to just pick up something here and we'll tell him that we got it in Denmark. RORY: Pick up what? LORELAI: Something. RORY: What? This is Stars Hollow. Everything you buy here has a Hello, Kitty stamped on the bottom. LORELAI: Well, we have to get him something. We cannot go into Luke's empty handed. RORY: Great. LORELAI: Come on. RORY: I'm hungry. CUT TO SOOKIE AND JACKSON'S HOUSE [Lorelai and Rory walk up to the house] LORELAI: Hey, Sookie! [Sookie rushes off the porch to greet them] SOOKIE: [squeals] You're back! LORELAI: We're back! [they all hug; Jackson comes out of the house] JACKSON: Hey, don't squish baby! SOOKIE: I missed you so much! LORELAI: We missed you so much. SOOKIE: Ah, look at you! You look older. RORY: Oh, thanks, Sookie. SOOKIE: So how was it, was it wonderful? LORELAI: Oh - SOOKIE: I wanna hear everything you did and everything you ate. Oh, was it warm? I read it was warm. How was Barcelona? Did you see the gaudy apartments? Ooh, did you see a bullfight? Did you see Anne Frank's house? Did you cry? Was Steven Speilberg there, huh? Oh, hey, I hear you touched the Pope! Are you hungry? Do you want anything to eat? I've got quiche. [they walk into the house] LORELAI: Hold on one sec here, missy. I need to look at you. Sideways, please. SOOKIE: Okay. LORELAI: Hello, hi, nice to see you. I'm your Auntie Lorelai, and this is your Auntie Rory. Say hi, Rory. RORY: Hey. LORELAI: Come over here. RORY: Oh, no, I'm good. SOOKIE: Come on, Rory, rub my stomach. RORY: I'd rather not. LORELAI: Rory's a chicken. SOOKIE: So is Jackson. JACKSON: Hey, I'm gonna like it when it comes out. LORELAI: So what did the ultrasound say, boy or girl? SOOKIE: It's a - JACKSON: Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh. LORELAI: It's a buh? What's a buh? JACKSON: [reveals a button pinned to his shirt] Read. LORELAI: [reads button] "I do not want to know the s*x of my baby." JACKSON: That's right. I'm going old school on this. SOOKIE: And he's being completely stubborn. RORY: But you know? SOOKIE: Of course I know. I had little clothes to buy - JACKSON: Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh! SOOKIE: What? I said nothing about the s*x. JACKSON: You said little, and now I know it's going to be little. LORELAI: Jackson, seriously, you don't wanna know? JACKSON: Hey, in the old days, the guys would pace back and forth in the waiting room until a pretty nurse in a nice white outfit would come out and say, "Congratulations - it's a 'insert your chosen s*x here'." Ricky Ricardo didn't know, Dick van Dyke didn't know, and by gum, if it was good enough for Rick and Dick, it's good enough for me. LORELAI: Well, I wanna know. JACKSON: Rory, what do you say? Be on my side. SOOKIE: Jackson, there are no sides. JACKSON: We can be in that waiting room together, pacing, waiting, we'll get you a nice suit. What do you say? RORY: Okay, sure. I'm on Jackson's side. JACKSON: Great. Welcome to 1954. [gives her a button] RORY: Happy to be here. LORELAI: Well, I wanna know. SOOKIE: Come on, I'll tell you outside. LORELAI: Sure you don't wanna go? RORY: Read the button, missy. LORELAI: Okay. [Lorelai and Sookie leave] RORY: So, you hear about that whole Sputnik thing? JACKSON: Oh, Eisenhower's on top of it. RORY: Hm. CUT TO OUTSIDE [Lorelai and Sookie walk out back to the shed] LORELAI: So Jackson's really not gonna be in the delivery room with you? SOOKIE: Nope. LORELAI: Does that bug you? SOOKIE: Hey, I don't like Jackson to see me shave my legs, so. . .I'm opening the shed! Okay, are you ready? LORELAI: For what? [Sookie opens the shed; it's filled with blue baby products] LORELAI: [gasps] It's a boy! SOOKIE: It's a boy! LORELAI: Oh, Sookie, you're having a boy! SOOKIE: I know! Jackson will finally have that son to prune the trees with. LORELAI: My God, it's so exciting. A boy! Oh, a little boy. I know nothing about little boys. SOOKIE: Me neither. LORELAI: Man, you're prepared, aren't you? SOOKIE: Yes, I am. [They sit down in chairs in the shed] LORELAI: It's so nice to be home. SOOKIE: It's nice to have you home. LORELAI: Hey, have you seen Luke lately? SOOKIE: Briefly. LORELAI: I guess he went on that cruise, huh? SOOKIE: Yup. LORELAI: That's good. That's good he went. He needed a vacation. He works hard, that one. Always cooking, making the coffee, taking the orders. SOOKIE: You know, I think something happened on that trip of his. LORELAI: What do you mean? SOOKIE: Well, the day he got back, Jackson and I went into the diner and I asked him how his trip went. He couldn't get away from me fast enough. LORELAI: Really? Was Jackson wearing that creepy button? SOOKIE: Nope. Luke just seemed kind of freaked out about something. LORELAI: What? SOOKIE: I don't know. LORELAI: You think he and Nicole had a fight or something? SOOKIE: I don't know. LORELAI: He didn't say anything? SOOKIE: Nope. He just walked around acting weirder than normal. LORELAI: Huh. Wonder what that's all about. So. . . are you gonna name him Lorelai? SOOKIE: Absolutely. That wouldn't be confusing at all. LORELAI: Great. CUT TO SIDEWALK [Lorelai and Rory walk down the street. Lorelai is carrying a jar of jam.] RORY: I cannot believe you. LORELAI: What? It's the perfect gift for Luke. Fine fancy jam from France. RORY: Fine fancy jam from Jackson's pantry. LORELAI: I don't know what you're talking about. I am looking right here at this beautiful hand-crafted label and it says "Fruits de la Terre." RORY: You didn't even spellcheck to make sure you got the French right. LORELAI: Yes, well, I think it adds an authentic touch. See, in my world, the person who made this jam was an illiterate orphan. . .Sochelle. RORY: As in Sochelle Crab. LORELAI: Yes, exactly. Sochelle was born by the sea, or so said the note left in the bassinet when the nuns found her on the steps of Notre Dame. RORY: Oh, good, there are nuns. LORELAI: Every sad story needs nuns. Anyhow, Sochelle had nothing - no father, no mother, no friends, no education. All she had was a burning desire to make great jam, and now she's the most successful jamstress in Paris. RORY: Luke's gonna know. LORELAI: No, he is not. RORY: Well, as much as I would like to be there when you give Luke your heartfelt gift, I'm gonna go give Lane her gift. LORELAI: All right, but if you're not there, I'm gonna get all the credit for this. RORY: Exactly as it should be. LORELAI: Give Lane a hug for me. RORY: I will. Don't give him the jam. LORELAI: I can't hear you, I'm too far away. CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai walks in] LORELAI: Bonjour, Luke. Pouvez-vous attacher vos chausseurs? LUKE: What? LORELAI: Uh, hi, Luke. Do you know how to tie your shoes? LUKE: Very good. LORELAI: Yup. It came in handy, let me tell you. Not one shoelace fatality on my watch. [he sets a mug in front of her] You remembered. LUKE: Yup. A couple things about you stick. You have a good time? LORELAI: Vos odeurs de chat. LUKE: What's that? LORELAI: Your cat smells. LUKE: You must've been a big hit with the salon set. LORELAI: The trip was incredible, we had the best time. We were supposed to come back on Saturday. LUKE: I know. LORELAI: Keeping tabs on me? LUKE: Always safer to know which direction the tornado's coming from. LORELAI: Anyhow, we were in London and we ran into this group of girls who were heading to Ireland to stake out the Clarence Hotel. LUKE: Why? LORELAI: Because U2 owns it and Bono hangs out there. LUKE: Ah. Him again. LORELAI: So then we jumped on a train and we headed to Ireland - incredibly beautiful, by the way - and we sat in a bar for two days and did nothing but eat soda crackers and funky cheese and he never showed. LUKE: Que sera. LORELAI: Hm. [sips her coffee] Mm, still good. I told 'em about you over there, Señor Swanky-pants. LUKE: Can't tell you how grateful I am to have you as my press agent. LORELAI: And we got you something. LUKE: You did? LORELAI: Yes, we did. LUKE: You didn't have to do that. LORELAI: What are you talking about? We do not go to Europe and come back without bringing something for Luke. Here. [hands Luke the jar of jam] LUKE: Jam. LORELAI: Yes, fancy French jam. LUKE: Fruits de la Terre. Very impressive. LORELAI: It's handmade by this woman in Paris who has the most amazing story. LUKE: Really? LORELAI: Yeah. Orphaned. LUKE: Uh huh. LORELAI: And illiterate. LUKE: Okay. LORELAI: Just had nothing in her life, you know, except this burning desire to be the world's greatest jamstress. And she's famous now and, uh, you know, she only makes three bottles of that stuff a year and that's one of 'em, and I brought it all the way across the, uh. . .I got it from Sookie's house. LUKE: No. LORELAI: How did you know? LUKE: Just a wild guess. LORELAI: I swear, we tried to get you something, but nothing was good enough. LUKE: No, forget it. I didn't get you anything on my trip either. We're even. LORELAI: Oh, yeah, how was the cruise? LUKE: Oh, it was. . .you know. LORELAI: Not really, I've never been on a cruise. So. . . LUKE: It was fine. LORELAI: Okay. So, you and Nicole had fun then? LUKE: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You want more coffee? LORELAI: Uh, eh, oh. So what did you? LUKE: Where? LORELAI: On the boat? What did you and Nicole do on the boat? LUKE: Oh, uh, you know, we fluttered around and ate, and there was a magic show and a singer and pillow mints, and you know, that's it. LORELAI: But you and Nicole had a good time, you got along, and. . . LUKE: Yeah. Uh, I'm gonna go check on your food. LORELAI: Okay. [Luke walks away] I didn't order anything yet. CUT TO SIDEWALK [Kirk is hanging up a poster in front of the market as Rory walks by] RORY: Hi, Kirk. KIRK: Bienvenido, señora Gilmore. [Rory sees that her picture is on the poster, promoting her as the Ice Cream Queen. She tears it down and walks away] KIRK: What are you doing? I just put that there. CUT TO TAYLOR'S SODA SHOP [Taylor is instructing the employees on how to serve the ice cream] TAYLOR: Scoop toward you, rolling smoothly. Very good, Ginger. Nice symmetrical balls there, Joshua. Easy on the nuts, easy on the nuts. One cherry, and then present your sundae with a Taylor Tip. [Rory walks in carrying the poster] RORY: Uh, excuse me, Taylor. TAYLOR: Ah, there you are. Hello, your majesty. Come to check on your little kingdom? Uh, Ginger, hand me a spoon. RORY: I was just walking by when I - TAYLOR: Here you are, on the house. [hands her a dish of ice cream] RORY: Thank you. TAYLOR: Would you like an extra cherry? RORY: No. TAYLOR: Because if the Stars Hollow Ice Cream Queen wants two cherries, then she will get two cherries, and to hell with the extra twenty-five cent charge. RORY: Taylor, you didn't ask me if I wanted to be the Ice Cream Queen. TAYLOR: So? RORY: So, you didn't ask me. You just put my picture on a flier and stuck it up all over town. TAYLOR: Well, I couldn't very well ask you when you were traipsing all over Europe, now could I? RORY: But - TAYLOR: And don't worry about getting anything. I have already rented a cape and a crown. Just wear a nice simple sage-colored floor-length dress and you'll be fine. RORY: I can't do it. TAYLOR: What do you mean, you can't do it? RORY: I mean, I'm busy right now. I only have a couple days left before I go off to school, and my mom and I have every moment planned, so I'm just going to have to pass on this one. TAYLOR: Oh, I see. You're going to pass. You're passing on this. Fine. Just consider yourself passed. RORY: Look, I can still come by. TAYLOR: Oh, can you, really? You can find time in your busy day to come by and eat my free ice cream and take my free balloon and get yourself a free glitter hand stamp? You can swing that? You don't have to pass on that, huh? RORY: Look, Taylor, don't take it like this. TAYLOR: In my own defense, I assumed you would be thrilled based on your, uh, past participation record. RORY: But this has nothing to do with - TAYLOR: You've always been the head pilgrim girl at the food drive table. RORY: Yes, well, that's for charity. TAYLOR: The third leprechaun at the St. Patty's Day festival. RORY: Yes, okay, but again, for charity. TAYLOR: You man the ticket booth on Groundhog Day. You help organize the manger procession at Christmas, you play Esther every year at the Purim carnival. I just assumed you liked taking part in town events. RORY: I do like it, but I just can't this time. I'm sorry. TAYLOR: Oh, don't be. It's my own fault. I should have figured that once you got into Yale everything would be different. RORY: That's not fair. TAYLOR: No, I understand. You're no longer our little Stars Hollow Rory Gilmore. You belong to the Ivy Leagues right now. It's time to cut those small town ties and go off and do something important like go to drama school or have one of those high-class naked parties with that Bush girl. RORY: Taylor - TAYLOR: Okay. See you around the quad. [walks away] [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai and Rory walk through the front door] LORELAI: Okay, that took way longer than it was supposed to. From now on, when we go out of town, no presents for anyone. RORY: Oh, right. So we'll just buy everyone a big crate of Fruits de la Terre. LORELAI: That horse is dead, put the stick down. Now we're way behind in our schedule, so I propose a change. Let's hold off on the frivolous shopping until tomorrow. What's up? RORY: That Taylor thing is still bugging me. LORELAI: Me, too. I can't believe you didn't call me in to see the fight. RORY: Maybe I am different. Maybe I do have an attitude. LORELAI: I think you do. RORY: I mean, I've always had time for the town in the past, and now suddenly I don't? Am I changing? I don't wanna change. I don't wanna be the anti-town girl. I'm not Daria. LORELAI: Taylor is just messing with your mind, which is one of his specialties. Ignore him. RORY: I guess. [she picks up a pile of mail from the coffee table.] LORELAI: Hey, hey, no mail yet. We agreed, we're still on vacation. RORY: Well, I'll just look through my mail. Yours can sit there as long as you like. LORELAI: Yeah, but then you're back in the real world again and I'm out here in vacation-land alone. That's not fun. RORY: [reading a letter] Oh no. LORELAI: What? RORY: Oh no. LORELAI: What oh no? [Rory heads to her bedroom, Lorelai follows] RORY: Oh no. Oh no. No no no no no no no no no. Oh no. LORELAI: Uh, hey, kid, you're kind of freaking me out here. [Rory flips through her date book] RORY: I wrote the date down wrong. LORELAI: What date? RORY: This is from Yale. My orientation is Saturday. LORELAI: Right, next Saturday. RORY: No, this Saturday. LORELAI: No, next Saturday. RORY: No, this Saturday. LORELAI: But today's Thursday. That means we have no - RORY: I have to be at school the day after tomorrow. LORELAI: But. . .no! We had a free week. I had it all scheduled out. RORY: Well, I wrote the date down wrong. LORELAI: Why would you do that? RORY: I don't know. LORELAI: You never write the date down wrong. RORY: Well, I wrote it down before we left and I wrote it down wrong. LORELAI: We were supposed to have a week. RORY: Well, we don't. LORELAI: I can't believe you wrote the date down wrong. RORY: I can't believe you weren't gonna let me open the mail. LORELAI: I can't believe you wrote the date down wrong. RORY: I can't believe you made us go to Ireland to stalk Bono. LORELAI: This isn't fair. You have more I-can't-believe's than I do. RORY: This sucks. LORELAI: This totally sucks. RORY: Well, I'm not ready. I haven't packed. I have things I need to get. We were supposed to watch the three Godfather's and Sofia dying over and over and eat our biscotti and - LORELAI: Okay, listen, calm down. We just need to revise our plan. RORY: We were supposed to have a week. LORELAI: Okay, tonight we stay home and pack. Tomorrow we get up early. We'll get all the stuff you need, and that will give us time to watch at least two Godfather's and a Sofia dying. We'll still have a partial day and a great biscotti night. RORY: Chinese. LORELAI: What? RORY: Food. Order it. Go. LORELAI: No, no time for full sentences! RORY: Right. LORELAI: Ordering! CUT TO SIDEWALK [Lorelai and Rory, each carrying several shopping bags, walk through the town square] LORELAI: I'm so wiped. I shouldn't have taken that third Excedrin PM last night. RORY: Third? Why'd you take three? LORELAI: Oh, well, uh, originally I took two, then somewhere around four in the morning, I woke up and had a major Marilyn moment. RORY: Oh, no. LORELAI: Yeah. I forgot that I'd taken something and so I popped a third one and now I'm about ready to sleep with a Kennedy. RORY: Well, I hear Kerry's available. LORELAI: Okay, let's sit. God, Mr. Jet Lag wants to be my best friend. RORY: Well, do you wanna go home and rest? LORELAI: No. We have a Godfather night to salvage. Check the list. RORY: Okay, we got the sheets, towels, bathroom shower caddy, and the basic first aid accoutrement. We still need to hit the beauty supply, the hardware store, stationery store. LORELAI: The mattress store. RORY: You do know that they supply you with a mattress at the dorm. LORELAI: Yeah. A mattress that decades of students in various states of cleanliness have slept on. Some without pajamas. RORY: Gross. LORELAI: Exactly. RORY: We've been running around for hours and this list isn't getting any shorter. We're never gonna finish. LORELAI: Stop. Yes, we are. We just need to split up. We'll get all this done quicker. I'll take the, uh, beauty supply and you take the stationery store, and we'll meet back here in twenty minutes. RORY: Okay. Oh, boy. LORELAI: What? RORY: Well, I'm gonna walk right past that stupid grand opening. LORELAI: Well, I would take the stationery store, but you're so weird about what kind of pens you like. RORY: No, no. I'll just. . .I'll walk really fast. Maybe Taylor won't notice me. LORELAI: Yeah. You better walk really fast, like warp speed Mr. Sulu kind of fast. RORY: Let's go. LORELAI: Twenty minutes! [They go off in separate directions. Rory stops to listen to Taylor speaking to a crowd in front of the soda shop] TAYLOR: ...since these and many other flavors await your tongues at Taylor's Old Fashioned Soda Shoppe and Candy Store. I wanna thank you all for coming here today to help us celebrate our grand opening. Now, originally we were supposed to have our Ice Cream Queen here, but unfortunately, kids, she was just too busy. She just couldn't find time in her busy queen schedule to come play with all of you here today. [a young girl in the crowd starts crying] TAYLOR: I know, Christy, but take heart, we still have balloons and music, and as a special treat a little later, a skydiver is going to drop from the sky and land right here in front of Taylor's Old Fashioned Soda Shoppe and Candy Store. Isn't that great, kids? A skydiver who isn't too busy to come play with you will be here soon. CUT TO THE BEAUTY SUPPLY STORE [Lorelai walks in] LORELAI: Hey, Kirk. KIRK: Hello. LORELAI: Hey, I'm looking for a good daytime cream and a good nighttime cream. KIRK: For you? LORELAI: No, for Rory. KIRK: Is she sensitive, prone to breakouts if the cream is too heavy? LORELAI: Yeah. KIRK: I thought so. Okay, first of all, I would stay far away from that one. LORELAI: Oh. KIRK: Much too rich for her. This one is light with a fresh citrus scent and it is completely natural. LORELAI: We like that. KIRK: Now, for day, I would recommend something with a sunscreen. Rory has a classic peaches and cream complexion, and it would be a crime if, when she got older, her face started to look like a cowboy. LORELAI: I couldn't agree more. KIRK: All right. This should work. LORELAI: Thank you. KIRK: You know, I heard you got back from your trip. LORELAI: Yup, I'm living proof. KIRK: Miss Patty showed me the castanets you brought her. LORELAI: Oh yeah? KIRK: Yeah. And Andrew showed me the T-shirt from the Picasso museum. I must admit, I was a little jealous. I mean, I hate Picasso, but I love T-shirts. LORELAI: Oh. KIRK: And Pete seemed to really enjoy the Tower of London nutcracker you brought him. LORELAI: Kirk. KIRK: A nutcracker's a very useful thing to have around. I can't tell you how many times I've been sitting in my living room with a nut thinking, "if only I had a way to crack this." LORELAI: Okay, Kirk, I'm really sorry, we got a little messed up on the presents. It just got so crazy over there. I mean, we forgot to bring something back for Luke. KIRK: I heard he got jam. LORELAI: Fake jam. KIRK: I love fake jam. LORELAI: You know what, I'm gonna make this up to you, okay? KIRK: Really? LORELAI: I promise. We never meant to forget you. KIRK: Oh. Okay, well, sure. You can make it up to me. LORELAI: Okay. Now how much do I owe you? KIRK: 45.50. You're, uh, you're lucky you came in when you did. I'm closing a little early today. LORELAI: Ooh, well, lucky me. KIRK: Yup. [he puts on a skydiver's backpack] LORELAI: Kirk, no. KIRK: Taylor paid me twenty dollars to jump out of a plane for the grand opening. LORELAI: No. KIRK: But I took a lesson. The guy said I was a natural at falling. LORELAI: Kirk, listen to me, this is the best gift I could possibly give you - don't do that, okay? KIRK: Do I still get the jam? CUT TO OUTSIDE [Rory is walking down the street. Two young kids walk by.] KID 1: Thanks a lot. KID 2: Yale can have you. [Lorelai walks up to Rory] LORELAI: Honey. Hey, did you get your silly pens? RORY: Yes. LORELAI: Okay, good. Now I can mark these two things off, and we only have about ten thousand other things to do. RORY: Great. LORELAI: You know, I think the only way we're gonna get this all done is if we prioritize. RORY: Meaning? LORELAI: Something has to go. RORY: Biscotti night. LORELAI: No, not biscotti night. I think we should bail on Friday night dinner. RORY: Cancel on Grandma? LORELAI: Yes, cancel on Grandma. RORY: I can't do that. LORELAI: Rory, we need to get this stuff before tomorrow. There's no way we can do that if we have to drive all the way to Hartford and back. She'll understand. Well, the first part was true. RORY: I can't skip dinner. LORELAI: Come on, we're gonna go to dinner next week and every week after that for the rest of our lives. And I do mean the rest of our lives because my parents will outlive us. The damned can do that. RORY: Mom, I made a deal. This is why I get to go to Yale. I can't back out. LORELAI: It's our last night. RORY: I have to go. You don't have to, but I do. LORELAI: What do you mean I don't have to go? RORY: I was very clear when I made this deal that it was only for me. LORELAI: You're right, I don't have to go. Boy, that's an oddly liberating feeling. I don't have to go. I don't have to go. I do not have to go to dinner. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: Hang on, I'm not done. I do not have to go ever if I'm not in the mood. RORY: Mom. LORELAI: I'm not going. I'll finish up all the errands. RORY: Really? LORELAI: Yes. You go and you eat really fast and then get out of there. Meet me back here 9:30, 10 at the latest, and we'll do Godfather I through "Monday, Tuesday, Thursday," and a quick Sofia dying. RORY: Deal. LORELAI: Remember, eat fast. RORY: Okay. LORELAI: Okay. RORY: Bye. [They go off in separate directions. Taylor is still speaking to the crowd in front of the soda shop] TAYLOR: Now just picture her sitting here just like this, smiling and waving. 'Hello kids, I'm the Ice Cream Queen.' [Rory walks up to the microphone to speak to the crowd] RORY: Okay, that's it. I humiliate myself at least six times a year for this town, and just because I'm going to Yale, that's not going to stop. Now the reason I am not the Ice Cream Queen is because Taylor never asked me. I didn't know about it, and that's why I was busy. Now I love this town, I will be back in that ridiculous pilgrim outfit at Thanksgiving, so everybody just get off my back. [She walks away as some people applaud] CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [The doorbell rings. Emily walks toward the door] EMILY: Richard, they're here! Put those papers away and fix your tie. [Emily opens the door] RORY: Hey, Grandma. EMILY: Hello, Rory. RORY: Nice to see you. EMILY: It's nice to see you, too. Come on in. RORY: I'm sorry I'm a little late. EMILY: Well, you're here now and that's all that matters. Shall we go into the living room? RORY: Yes. Then I can give you your present. EMILY: My present? Well, that sounds very interesting. RORY: We bought it for you in Paris because Mom said you loved Paris the most. EMILY: I wonder what it could be. [They sit down in the living room. Rory hands her a gift] RORY: For you. [Emily opens the gift, an Eiffel Tower figurine] EMILY: Oh my, it's lovely, Rory, really. Just beautiful. RORY: It was between this and the Arc de Triumphe, but Mom said that the Eiffel Tower was fancier. EMILY: I agree, and I love it. Thank you. RORY: You're welcome. EMILY: So, where is your mother tonight? Not sick, I hope. RORY: Oh, no, she's fine. She just had some things to do. EMILY: Ah, things. RORY: Errands, actually. EMILY: Errands, of course. RORY: But she'll be here next week, and she says she's looking forward to it. [Richard walks into the room] RICHARD: Emily, I'm expecting a call and there's nothing I can do about it, so please don't be upset when I leave the table. Rory, how lovely to see you. Well, how was the first European excursion? RORY: It was perfect. EMILY: Lorelai had chores to do tonight. RICHARD: Chores? EMILY: Errands, you know. RICHARD: Errands? EMILY: Yes, that's why she didn't come, she had to run errands. But she'll be here next week, and she's looking forward to it. Isn't that nice? RICHARD: I suppose. EMILY: I think so, too. Would you like to see my present? RICHARD: Well, that's very nice. That'll fit right in with your collection, Emily. EMILY: Yes, it will. RORY: We got something for you, too, Grandpa. [hands him a gift] RICHARD: Well, I guess you're not the only one who gets a treat tonight. EMILY: Oh, and just when I thought I was special. [Richard opens the gift, a pipe] RICHARD: Look at that. That's beautiful. RORY: We found this amazing pipe store in Copenhagen and the man there can carve anything you want. His family's been doing it for over a hundred and fifty years. And they had a whole set of Alice in Wonderland pipes that Mom wanted to get, but they were way too expensive so we just got the Queen of Hearts. RICHARD: Well, I love it. EMILY: Yes, and you're gonna love it outside on the patio. RICHARD: As you wish, my dear. [the phone rings] That's my call, that's my call. EMILY: Hurry back, or we'll start without you. RICHARD: Five minutes. Ten, tops. [leaves room] EMILY: He'll be an hour. RORY: Is his new business going well? EMILY: Oh, who knows? He's not in the room long enough to find out. MAID: Dinner is served, Mrs. Gilmore. EMILY: All right, Gerta. Well, I guess we should go in and eat. RORY: What about Grandpa? EMILY: Oh, we'll save him something. RORY: Okay. CUT TO THE DINING ROOM [Emily, Richard, and Rory are eating dinner] RICHARD: So, Rory, tell me, how were the Gundersons? RORY: The who? RICHARD: The Gundersons. Our friends in Zurich. The ones we told you two to look up when you got there. RORY: Oh, the Gundersons, right. RICHARD: I tell ya, they better have given you a first class welcome. Especially after that son of theirs squatted here for over a month last year. EMILY: And ruined the rug in the guest room. RICHARD: That's right. Hope you ruined one of their rugs as well. RORY: Actually, we, um, we didn't get a chance to see the Gundersons. RICHARD: Hm? EMILY: Why not? Were they out of town? RORY: Well, I - RICHARD: You did go to Zurich, didn't you? RORY: Yes, but, you know, Zurich was so crazy for us that we just figured, 'Ah, we'll just catch 'em next time.' RICHARD: You didn't call them? RORY: You know, there really wasn't time. RICHARD: Well, what about the Egerholms in Denmark? Is their new house a monstrosity? RORY: Well, if you think Zurich was hectic, then Denmark was just. . .whoo! RICHARD: You didn't call them? RORY: Um, no. RICHARD: The Rezoscos in Florence? RORY: No. RICHARD: The Talbots in London? RORY: We were only in London for two days. RICHARD: Well, who did you look up when you went to Europe? RORY: Jim Morrison says hello. RICHARD: You didn't look up one of our friends? We must've given you fifteen names. RORY: I know, but we got so caught up in the backpacking aspect of it that it just kind of slipped our minds. RICHARD: You know what that means, Emily. We're going to have to stay with the Gundersons when we go to Zurich in the fall. EMILY: Rory, would you like another piece of chicken? RICHARD: Tiresome people. RORY: I've already had two, Grandma. RICHARD: I'm sorry, why are we friends with them again? EMILY: Well, just take it and nibble at it if you want to. Gerta, you can put the soufflé in now. RORY: Soufflé? EMILY: Yes, we're going to have a special dessert, something to celebrate your homecoming. RICHARD: Well, why didn't she put it in the oven when we sat down to dinner? Those things take forever to cook. EMILY: You know, every time we go to Paris, I marvel at their ability to turn a simple meal into a three or four hour event. Makes every day seem like a party. So tonight, I thought we'd be European. I thought maybe we'd have a cheese plate before dessert and coffee. How does that sound? Bon? RORY: Oh, yes. Very. . .bon. EMILY: It's nice to mix it up once in awhile. Oh, I have a wonderful idea. Rory, have you ever seen a ballroom dancing competition? RORY: Uh, no. EMILY: You would love it. It is so exciting, and the costumes are beautiful. I've been taping them since 1978. Can you imagine? RORY: No. EMILY: All right, then. After dessert, you and I are going to hunker down in that den that we never use and I am pulling out those tapes. We'll just start at the beginning and see how far we get. Perfect, here's the cheese. I'll take that, Gerta. Richard, do you want to start? CUT TO LORELAI'S FRONT YARD [Lorelai and Luke are loading Rory's things for Yale into the back of Luke's truck] LUKE: Jeez, you think you go to a fancy school like Yale there'd be a mattress in the room. LORELAI: Yeah. Go figure, huh? LUKE: You packed her stuff in Hefty bags? LORELAI: Hey, she's lucky I even had these in the house. LUKE: If you needed luggage, you should've asked me. LORELAI: You have luggage? LUKE: Yes, I have luggage. Why wouldn't I have luggage? LORELAI: You never go anywhere. LUKE: I just went on a seven-country cruise. LORELAI: That's right, the mystery cruise that you don't wanna talk about. LUKE: I told you I brought luggage. What more info do you need? LORELAI: Why won't you tell me what happened? LUKE: Because. LORELAI: Why? Luke, I swear, I'm dying to know, but every time I bring it up, you spaz out. Why won't you tell me? I would tell you. LUKE: Yes, but I wouldn't wanna know. LORELAI: Did something happen with you and Nicole? LUKE: Yes. LORELAI: What? Did you propose? LUKE: Yes. LORELAI: Oh my God, you proposed? LUKE: Yes, I proposed. LORELAI: This is big. This is huge. LUKE: There's more. LORELAI: There's more? Okay, well, what? Did she say yes? LUKE: Yes. LORELAI: She said yes. You proposed and she said yes. Wow, I - LUKE: There's more. LORELAI: And there's more after you proposed and she said yes? What, you - LUKE: We got married. LORELAI: You got married? How could you get married? LUKE: We asked the captain and he married us. LORELAI: And that's legal? LUKE: Apparently. LORELAI: So you're married? You're legally married? This is just - LUKE: Actually, there's a little more. LORELAI: And she's pregnant. Oh my God, you finally reproduced. LUKE: We're getting divorced. LORELAI: I'm gonna sit down now. LUKE: It just all happened so fast. LORELAI: Well, yeah. [they sit down on the front porch steps] LUKE: I mean, you're on this boat in the middle of nowhere and everything's moving and you feel weird all the time. There's this endless supply of food and drink. Uh, midnight buffets, by the way, are the reason the rest of the world hates us. And everyone around us was either in love, engaged, or celebrating their hundredth wedding anniversary, and we were having a good time. . . and there you go. LORELAI: There you go. LUKE: Of course, the next morning we both woke up and realized we'd lost our minds. We tried to ignore it for awhile, you know, went snorkeling, but by the time we hit land, we were separated, and now we're getting divorced. LORELAI: Okay, well, my jet lag and your love life is making me dizzy. Is there more? LUKE: Nope, that's it. LORELAI: I'm sorry. LUKE: Ah, it's okay. LORELAI: Well, look on the bright side. I mean, now that you've been married, it'll silence all those questions. LUKE: What questions? LORELAI: You know, a single man of a certain age who lives alone. LUKE: You're kidding. LORELAI: Hey, I always defended you. I always said, "Hey, so what if he is?" LUKE: Thank you for your support. [Lorelai's cell phone rings] LORELAI: [answers] Hello? RORY: She's taken me hostage. LORELAI: What? RORY: She's not letting me leave. Dinner lasted an hour. She didn't even put the soufflé in the oven until we'd already finished, and now we're watching taped ballroom dancing competitions that date back to the 1800's. LORELAI: You haven't left yet? RORY: Are you listening to me? I can't leave. She won't let me leave ever. This is Iran in '79 and you are Jimmy Carter. What do we do? LORELAI: Well, first we have to lose the Jimmy Carter comparison, and second, I have to come get you. This is about me and me not showing up, so maybe if I put in an appearance, she'll let you go. RORY: Okay, but come quickly because she's got a lot of tapes and they rewind really slow. LORELAI: I'm on my way. [hangs up] Um, hey, so, uh, I have to go get Rory. LUKE: Everything okay? LORELAI: Uh, yeah. You know, my mother's a psycho, so. . .business as usual. LUKE: Yeah. LORELAI: Thanks for the help. LUKE: Sure. LORELAI: And I am sorry. LUKE: I'll be fine. [Kirk walks by in a skydiver's outfit, trailing a parachute behind him] KIRK: Strong wind. CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [In the den, Emily puts a ballroom dancing tape into the VCR, then sits next to Rory on the couch] EMILY: Now I think you're really going to see quite a difference from the early eighties. They really start to mix it up in '88. RORY: Mmhmm. EMILY: Oh, see right there, see that move? Five years ago it was not allowed. Could've gotten you kicked right out. RORY: That's harsh. EMILY: Oh, yes. Ballroom dancing can be very harsh. Oh, look. The couple in the purple feathers - that's Corky and Shirley Ballas. I love them, they are so talented. Corky's actually writing a musical based on their life as ballroom champions, and their son, Corky Jr., is going to play him as a young man. RORY: Wow. Two Corky's in one show. Don't see that everyday. [Lorelai walks in] LORELAI: Hey. RORY: Mom, hi! LORELAI: There you guys are. EMILY: What are you doing here? LORELAI: Well, you know, it's funny, I just happen to be in the neighborhood and I thought to myself, I wonder what's doing at the Gilmore house. RORY: We're watching National Ballroom Dancing competitions. LORELAI: You are? Well, that sounds fun. Mind if I watch with you? EMILY: I don't think you'd enjoy it. LORELAI: Oh, no, I'm sure I would. EMILY: Well, you've already missed the beginning. LORELAI: I'm betting you could catch me up. EMILY: Rory, would you go ask Gerta if she would make me some tea? RORY: Uh, sure, Grandma. [leaves] LORELAI: No, nothing for me, Mom. Thanks. Um, so what's new? EMILY: Well, you obviously weren't just in the neighborhood, so why don't you tell me what you're doing here? LORELAI: Uh, you know, I came to see you. EMILY: You came to get Rory. LORELAI: Mom, she's been here for hours. Patty Hearst had a shorter incarceration. EMILY: She's not being held hostage, Lorelai. I resent that. She's spending time with me, something you obviously don't want to do. LORELAI: Mom, I'm sorry I missed dinner tonight. EMILY: Come to dinner, don't come to dinner, it makes no difference to me. You are under no obligation to us any longer. LORELAI: I know, but - EMILY: You're very busy, I understand. I wouldn't wanna keep you any longer. LORELAI: Mom, please, let me take Rory with me. EMILY: No. Tonight is my night with Rory. LORELAI: You're keeping her from me on purpose. EMILY: If Rory wants to leave, she can ask to leave. She's not a four-year old. LORELAI: Well, she's not gonna hurt your feelings by asking to leave. EMILY: Why should she? She knows you'll be along any second to do it for her. LORELAI: Mom, why do you always make everything so hard? Don't you understand, this is my last night with my daughter! She goes off to college tomorrow! EMILY: I know, which is why I was so surprised you didn't want to spend the evening with her. LORELAI: I do! EMILY: Then you should've come! LORELAI: I couldn't! EMILY: You wouldn't! LORELAI: Ugh, I swear to God! Where's Dad? EMILY: Oh, he went to bed hours ago. LORELAI: He went to bed? EMILY: Well, it was getting late. [Lorelai laughs a little] EMILY: Why are you laughing? LORELAI: Um, you know, you've got Rory locked in here with the Mambo Kings, and, um, and Dad went to bed. EMILY: So what? Why is that funny? LORELAI: Because. . .you know, she's here and he's there and. . .God, I'm so tired. [Lorelai keeps laughing. Rory walks in] RORY: What's so funny? EMILY: Oh, she's having a fit. RORY: Mom? LORELAI: Oh my God. [laughs harder] RORY: What? LORELAI: I just got the Jimmy Carter reference. [Lorelai and Rory laugh] EMILY: As soon as you're both done. . . CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Later that night, Lorelai and Rory are watching ballroom dancing in the den] RORY: Oh, watch this. This part's really good. LORELAI: Ouch, that has got to hurt. RORY: Cool, huh? LORELAI: Extremely. Plus, the whole matching haircut thing adds a level of commitment to their act that the other acts just lack. Oh, hey, careful where you put the hand there, mister. RORY: You know they rehearse every night, plus they have classes, plus they go to the gym four times a week? LORELAI: Hm. Oh my God, she's balancing on his hand. He is like Superman. Or Wonder Woman. Either way, he's very strong. RORY: So, tomorrow. . . LORELAI: Yeah, tomorrow. RORY: It's a big day. LORELAI: It's a really big day. RORY: I just hope it's everything I've been imagining it to be. LORELAI: Yeah. I just hope you actually get there. [they glance at Emily sleeping on the other couch, then continue watching the television] LORELAI: You know, if Sofia could just die during a fox trot, that would be perfect. RORY: Biscotti? LORELAI: Yes, please. [Rory hands her one from the bag] LORELAI: They're all broken. RORY: I know. I like 'em that way.

Lorelai and Rory return from their whirlwind tour of Europe; Taylor and Luke have it out over the new soda shop; a very pregnant Sookie updates Lorelai on the latest baby news; Taylor doesn't take it well when Rory declines the privilege of being the Stars Hollow Ice Cream Queen; mother and daughter get caught up in a flurry of activity after Rory realizes that she wrote down the wrong date for freshman orientation, and she only has two days to get ready for Yale, instead of the week she was planning on; Emily is upset when Lorelai misses Friday night dinner and retaliates by turning it into a four hour extravaganza, complete with ballroom dancing videos before the soufflé course; Lorelai is shocked when Luke finally tells her what happened on his cruise with Nicole.

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[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Clay : Where to? Quinn : Your place. Nathan : Clay, Quinn is Haley's sister. She has a lot going on right now. Stay away from her. Brooke : You were a huge hit last night. They think you're amazing. Millicent : You don't think I look like "a frumpy whore on bingo night?" Brooke : No! If I did, would I ask you to model full time? Brooke : Honey, I'm home. Let's do this. Alex : I told you it was realistic. Julian : Hey, honey. Alex and I worked everything out. Alex : Isn't that great? Dan : "Nathan Scott: a basketball star's love child." Rachel : Like father, like son, huh? Haley : She's just so certain. You don't remember meeting her at all or...? Nathan : You're actually starting to believe her, aren't you? Dan : I heard about your problem. I was wondering if I could... Nathan : You could what, help? You save your help for people who don't know you and stay away from me and my family. Renee cell phone : You've reached Renee. Leave a message. Dan : I trust you had a nice flight. I have a proposition for you. AT THE RECORDING STUDIO Director : Okay, folks. That's a wrap! Nathan : Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Um, we, uh... we haven't even shot anything yet. Director : You might want to call your agent, son. Nathan : You're serious? Hey! Whoa. Kylie : What a pity. I just found my motivation. Nathan : Okay. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Brooke : Hey. Julian : Mm. Brooke : This hot body of yours has just inspired me to do something that I've never done before. Julian : Oh, yeah? Brooke : Yeah. And it's gonna take a lot of hard work, and it's gonna take a long, long time. And I'm gonna need you to start by taking your pants off. Julian : Oh, that sounds amazing. But Alex is coming over to work. Brooke : Ugh! You two were up half the night. Julian : It's all business, Brooke. I don't know. She seems to have really come around. I Brooke : don't buy it. Once a ho bag, always a ho bag. Julian : Now, as I recall, you... Brooke : You might want to consider what you are about to say very carefully. Now come kiss me till ho bag shows up. ON THE BEACH Quinn : Hey. Clay : Hey. Quinn : You're up early. Clay : My shot at peace and quiet... the west coast wakes up in three hours, and my phone starts ringing. Quinn : Nice. Clay : Did you come down for a swim? Quinn : Yeah, I tried but, uh, couldn't. I've been afraid of the ocean since I was a little girl. Clay : Mm. Sharks. Quinn : Immensity. You know, I thought if I just threw myself in and... Well... it didn't quite work out. Clay : You should start smaller, like a toe. Work up to an ankle, maybe even a shin. Who knows? Quinn : Yeah, I'm more of a "yank the band-aid" kind of girl. Clay : Wait. Quinn : Go. It's fine. Clay : Hey, man. Oh, just relax, all right? I... Okay, I'll get into it. Yeah, fine. I'll meet you at your place. Oh... Quinn : Time to find a phone booth and change into that super-agent costume. Clay : Yeah, if only it were that easy. Um, I hate to run, but... Quinn : Go. Save the day. Clay : Okay. See ya. AT ALEX HOTEL ROOM Millicent : Oh, no. Oh... no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. I never called Marvin! Alex : Keep it down, Giselle. I'm trying to write. Besides, I thought you were mad at him. Millicent : I was "ignore him for a couple of hours" mad, not "disappear for the second night in a row" mad. Alex : Well, you can thank me later, but you were way drunk, so I texted him from your phone and let him know you were safe. Millicent : "Melvin... got my drink on with Alex. If you're done being a tool, you should come rock out with your co..." Oh, my God. Alex : Nope, just little old me. But I do work in mysterious ways. AT THE CHANGING ROOM Renee : So you want me to go on your show and tell the world my story? Dan : That's right. Renee : And you're gonna be on my side? Why would you do that? Nathan's your son. It could ruin him. Dan : But you're the one telling the truth. AT SCOTT' S HOUSE Haley : You're not telling the truth. Nathan : About what? Haley : Renee. You said you didn't know her and you didn't remember her. Nathan : I don't. Haley, we've been through this. Why can't you just believe me? Haley : Her number is all over your old cell phone bill. Nathan! Excuse me... why aren't you explaining yourself? Nathan : Because I shouldn't have to. But if you insist... I'm a professional basketball player. Girls get a hold of my e-mail, my telephone number. They try to contact me. And when they do, I reply to them and tell them to stop because I'm happily married to a woman who loves and trusts me. So I guess I did lie, Haley... but only when I told them that my wife trusts me. AT THE APPARTMENT Millicent : Marvin. Mouth : Don't you mean "Melvin"? Millicent : Please don't be mad even though you have every right to be. Alex called me after she left Julian's, and I was kind of already drinking because I thought you didn't think I was pretty enough to be a model. Mouth : When did I say you weren't pretty enough? Of course you're pretty enough. Millicent : Then maybe we could skip the whole fight and you could just be really excited for me, because... it's official... you're looking at the newest face of Clothes Over Bros! Oh, well, not this face. But once it's cleaned up with a little makeup... Mouth : Congratulations, Millie. I just wish I was the one you wanted to celebrate with. Anyway, you'll understand if I can't stay and rock out with my... Millicent : Marvin! That was Alex. Mouth : Of course it was. Well, at least she texted me. I got to go. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Clay : This situation's like a war, Nate. We're gonna lose a few battles. Nathan : Just stop with the metaphors and tell me what the hell happened this morning. Haley : Simile. What? Similes use "like" or "as"... "like a war." Clay : Guys. We lost the rainstorm body spray campaign, And it looks like the shoe deal's going away. Nathan : What? Clay : Temporarily. Nathan : This is unbelievable. Clay : I know it feels like the sky is falling, but when something like this goes down, marketing executives distance themselves to protect their brands. All right, almost always, they come back as soon as the air clears. Nathan : "Almost always"? Clay : Look, we knew there was a risk when we decided not to deal with Renee, but it has become a bit of an issue with the Bobcats. Nathan : They don't want me back? Clay : No, you are far too talented for that, but they're using it to their advantage, and negotiations have slowed. Again, like I said, we expected this. More importantly, Nate, the whole agency's on this, all right? Everybody respects your decision to fight this, and we've got your back. You just got to have some faith in us... and in each other. Haley : Clay. He's gonna have a career when this is over, right? Clay : Haley, I'm not gonna let anything happen to him. Haley : Because you didn't see how dark he got the first time. Clay : Look, this is a staring contest. Our best chance at having her blink first is if the press gets tired of this and nobody makes this story any bigger than it already is. AT THE TV BROADCAST Dan : I'm gonna make this story huge. But you don't trust me. I'd have to hate my son to tell your story, right? You're smart. I like that. That means my grandchild will be smart. Well, I was in Nathan's situation once. I refused to recognize a child that I'd fathered, and it was the second-worst mistake I ever made, but I made it in part because nobody forced me to look at the consequences of my actions. By coming out in support of you and allowing you to tell your story, I'll be forcing Nathan to take responsibility... if not emotionally, then at least financially. Renee : He'll never forgive you. Dan : Hmm. I've made my peace with that. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Millicent : There she is. I know... I'm late again, and we still haven't finished... Calliope : The inventory. I also found that shipment that went missing in New Mexico, balanced the register from yesterday, and took the liberty of ordering some Bellissimo fabrics from Milan. You're gonna love them. Brooke : I can't wait. Isn't she amazing? Millicent : Um, I guess, but that's my job. Brooke : Not anymore, miss thing. The fashion blogs are still buzzing about you. You are officially a model. Your only job now is to worry about being pretty. You... you might want to worry just a smidge more. Millicent : I know. I was out late. And, Brooke, I am excellent at multitasking, and I'd be happy to keep my administrative responsibilities. Brooke : Nonsense. I am not gonna have the new face of my company doing dirty work. Now off you go. Do whatever models do in their spare time. Just be back this afternoon for a swimsuit fitting. Millicent : Swimsuits? Brooke : Mm. Millicent : Wow. Okay. I mean... great! Brooke : Oh... Welcome to Clothes Over Bros. AT MOUTH'S WORK Mouth : Hey, man, how you doing? Man : I'm doing better than Nathan Scott. I mean, that dude can't catch a break. Mouth : What do you mean? Man : You haven't checked the board. Oh, God, Mouth... He's losing his endorsements. Sports is breaking the story tonight at 6:00. Mouth : If Charlie asks for me, tell him I'm... I'll be back later. ON THE BEACH Quinn : Clay! Hey. Clay : Hey. Quinn : What, did you run into some kryptonite? You need a friend? Clay : You have no idea. Quinn : Come on. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Alex : Seriously, you've been reading forever. Look, some of it's supposed to be funny. You're not laughing. You're not even smiling. Julian : Maybe I'm laughing on the inside. Alex : Are you? You're not. You're like, "wow, does she suck," on the inside. You're like, "she..." Julian : This is good. Alex : Like "I hate it, But there's a story in there somewhere" good? Julian : No. These scenes are genuinely good... sweet, subtle, funny. Where did this come from? Alex : Well, I woke up, and I was watching Millicent sleep. And she was, like, totally busted. So I asked myself what it would be like if I was that tragic, with, like, no self-confidence. And then I just added a boy. Julian : Who are you? Alex : Stick around. Maybe you'll find out. Julian : Unfortunately, I can't stick around, because you are three hours late, and I have to meet Brooke for lunch. Alex : Oh! Come on. Tell her we're on a roll. Julian : Um, no. She's already a little jealous of our working relationship, but maybe we can meet back up tonight. Alex : It's a date. Julian : No. Alex : Date-ish? Julian : Work. Alex : Work... date. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : We can still pay her. Nathan : For what? The story's already out there. Haley : For a retraction. The money she wants is a drop in the bucket compared to the rest of your career. Nathan : It's too late for that. Haley : Nathan, you're being stubborn, and I know I was against it at first, but if she were to get out there and say that this whole thing has been a lie... Nathan : We're not paying her, Haley! We're not giving this woman a dime of our money. ON THE BEACH Quinn : You're really worried about this. Clay : There's just so much riding on it. Quinn, I'm not in Tree Hill for a vacation. A while back, I went off the rails a bit... emotionally, and... luckily I had earned enough capital with the agency that they didn't fire me. They just scaled back my client roster and suggested I spend the summer here... pull myself together. Quinn : And then Nathan's scandal happened. So the calm, cool exterior... Clay : ... is kind of a lie. Quinn : Just when I was beginning to wonder if we had anything in common. Clay : Quinn, I shouldn't be here. Nathan doesn't want us hanging out, and I, uh, I have to respect that. Quinn : No, look, Clay... Clay : I'm sorry. Uh, thank you for this. I mean that. You're really great. Quinn : Stick around. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Brooke : Chase... What brings you in? Chase : Hey. Uh, just doing a little shopping for Mia. Brooke : Ohh. You guys have been together a long time. Chase : Mm-hmm. What about you? I heard Julian moved here. That must be... awesome. Brooke : Uh-huh. Chase : Or not so awesome? Brooke : No. It's amazing. I'm just a little annoyed because at first I had him all to myself, and lately he has been working with one of my models. Chase : Mm. Well, I wouldn't worry. I'm sure it's harmless. I mean, guys, you know, don't even really... like... models. Brooke : What are you doing today? Chase : That depends on why you're looking at me like a piece of steak. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Mouth : I would have offered to spot you, but I max out at like 180... ish. Nathan : You know, I don't believe in killing the messenger, Mouth, but every time I've seen you lately, it's been bad news. Mouth : They're running a story at 6:00 that says you're losing your endorsements. Is it true? Nathan : Yeah. Mouth : I'm sorry, Nate. Nathan : Yeah, me too. I heard about your demotion. How long are they gonna keep you locked up in the basement? Mouth : The truth? Till I do a story on you. Nathan : Then do the story, Mouth. Mouth : Nate... Nathan : I'm serious, Mouth. You've already done far more than I could ever ask. Take care of your career. AT THE BAR Alex : And then he finally looks up, and he's like, "after reading this, I think we should be in a relationship." Millicent : He said that... "relationship"? Alex : Well, I mean, he put "working" in front of it, but a relationship is a relationship. Millicent : Except in a working relationship, you never, under any circumstances, no matter how tempted you are, have s*x with the other person. You're aware of that, right? Alex : I think that's sort of a gray area. Millicent : It's actually black-and-white, crystal-clear, written in stone. Alex : Fine, crabby. Whatever! Millicent : Sorry. It's just Brooke's my friend, even if she did give my job to Calliope. Alex : Tell me you are not regretting your decision. This modelling stuff is awesome. I mean, it's hard work, but it's "pretty people" work. Millicent : I don't know. I was good at my job. Alex : Administrative work is for fatties, Millicent, and you are not a fatty. You... are a plus-size model. ON THE STREET Renee : I take it you looked at Nathan's phone bill. Haley : If I pay you, what do I get? Renee : I go away. Haley : No, I'm sorry. That's not good enough. I want a retraction. I want a public letter that says this whole thing has been a lie. Renee : Fine, if that's what will help you sleep at night, but it won't be the truth. And the price has gone up... $250,000. Haley : That's crazy. Renee : Actually, that's the estimated price of raising your husband's child until the age of 18. Do we have a deal? I'll tell you what. You can have until 8:00 tonight to decide. After that, I have other options. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Julian : Brooke! Hello! Brooke : One sec. Got it. Julian : Can I borrow you? Brooke : Mmm. Julian : Want to tell me why you were mounting your ex-boyfriend in the back room? Brooke : Because you weren't available. Julian : Very funny. Brooke : I'm serious. This morning I looked over at this big, sexy body, and I thought to myself, "why aren't you making men's clothes, Brooke Davis?" Julian : Mm-hmm. Clothes for Bros? Brooke : Ka-ching! But in order to make men's clothes, you need a fit model for measurements. You were my first choice, but, alas... Julian : I was busy with Alex. I get it. Well, I'm here now, and I'm all about taking my clothes off for you in the back room, so you can send your little boy toy packing. Brooke : You're very sweet, but I think I'm gonna stick with Chase. I'm already halfway through his measurements. But don't worry, baby. We're all business. Hey, Chase, break's over! Drop your pants. AT MOUTH'S WORK Mouth : I want back on the air. I obviously have an opinion, but at the end of the day, I work for you. CEO : You are aware of what's on the board for tonight? Mouth : Yeah, Nathan Scott's losing his endorsements. I took the liberty of getting a quote from him. CEO : Nice work. Glad to hear you've come around. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan : Don't. It's the press. They've been calling all day. Quinn : Beat it, nerds. Nathan : Thanks. Quinn : You're welcome. And as a favor, it would be great if you wouldn't give Clay such a hard time about hanging out with me. I'm not a child anymore, Nathan. Nathan : Are you sure about that? Quinn : What's that supposed to mean? Nathan : I don't know. Running away from your problems just doesn't seem very adult. Quinn : Says the guy who's afraid to answer the telephone. Nathan : Look... if you want to sleep around, I'm sure there's plenty of guys in Tree Hill who aren't responsible for my career that could probably help you out with that. Quinn : You ever hear the one about people who live in glass houses? Nathan : Yeah, I have. And if you don't like living in mine, you'll welcome to move back in with your husband. Quinn : Nice, Nathan. You know, speaking of running away from your problems, maybe you should try answering one of those, coward. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Alex : I know you love to say zero is not a size, but technically zero is my size, and those are granny panties. Brooke : These are a zero. Alex : Really? My diet pills must be working. Millicent : Your vitamins? Brooke : What? Alex : Oh, right. Vitamins. Brooke : Okay. Whatever. I'll... see if I can take these in. Alex : Great. Oh, and speaking of my perfect ass, I understand from Julian you might be a little concerned about our relationship. Millicent : Working relationship. Alex : You have nothing to worry about... Seriously. I mean, I stripped naked, and that boy didn't even flinch. He is clearly so in love with you. AT THE BAR Mia : Well, you're not Chase. Julian : If only Mia : I asked the waitress if there was a tall, dark, and handsome boy waiting for his date. She pointed me here. Julian : Sorry to disappoint, but your "tall, dark, and handsome" is getting naked with my "short, hot, and bossy." Mia : Huh? Julian : He's doing some fit modeling for Brooke at Clothes Over Bros. It's harmless. I hope. Hey, can I ask you something? Mia : Lose the shirt. Julian : I'll go get a tape measure. No, actually, it's about being a songwriter. Do you ever meet people on tour that surprise you with their talent? I mean, uh... You know, somebody who seems simple or goofy or even ditzy, and then... bam... All of a sudden, they write this amazing song? Mia : Hi. I'm Mia. Julian : No, you're not like that at all. Mia : Maybe not, but I used to be really shy. And I think sometimes all somebody needs is someone to look a little deeper... unlock their potential, like Haley did with me. Julian : Hmm. Mia : Was that answer worth lunch? 'Cause I'm kind of starving. Julian : On me. AT TV BROADCAST Rachel : Baby, you are a genius. The interest in the interview with Renee is off the charts. Dan : You're not having second thoughts, are you? Rachel : Dan, Nathan had a chance to take responsibility for this child, and he chose not to. Giving this girl a voice is the right thing to do. Dan : Well, we don't have a show unless Renee agrees, and I haven't heard from her since this morning. Rachel : Mm. You just leave that up to me. Dan : It doesn't matter where I go, you always seem to find me. Rachel : I just follow all the other girls. They lead me right to you. Dan : It hasn't been easy lately. Rachel : Then I guess it's a good thing I'm here. Dan : How'd you like to stay the night tonight? Like old times. Rachel : Well... that's up to you, isn't it? AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : I called Renee. Nathan : What? Haley : She said for $250,000, she would sign a retraction. Nathan : Amazing... The economy's crumbling, and the truth keeps getting more expensive. Haley : Well, she's willing to say this whole thing was a lie, so... Nathan : You willing to believe it? Haley : I didn't come out here to ask for your permission, Nathan. I came here to tell you that I'm paying her. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Chase : Are you okay? Brooke : No, I'm not okay! Ho bag got naked in front of Julian! Chase : "Ho bag"? Brooke : Alex "my butt is the size of a kumquat" Dupre. Chase : She is so manipulative and materialistic and self-serving and naked and... Brooke-ish? Brooke : What did you say? Chase : Nothing. Brooke : Funny, I could have sworn that I heard you speak. Chase : I meant she just seems a little bit like you were in high school. Brooke : Huh. Chase : She always wanted high-school Brooke. Can I put my pants back on now? I'll take that as a yes. AT CLAY'S BEACH HOUSE Girl : You blame yourself for Nathan's troubles. Clay : I wasn't a great influence... the girls, the parties. Girl : Do you think he did it? Clay : No. Girl : Then stop blaming yourself and fix it. Clay : Stay the night. I miss this. Girl : Is that what you want? Clay : That's what I need. AT TV Mouth : Nathan Scott is Tree Hill local who overcame injury and adversity to achieve a dream he had since childhood... a dream to play professional basketball. But lately Nathan's career has taken a backseat to allegations of an affair that led to the pregnancy of a fan. In my opinion, continuing to report on these allegations without any further evidence of their validity is a reckless attempt on the part of this network to boost ratings. Now, I'm not saying athletes are above the law. I'm saying it's up to science to determine the validity of these claims, not the evening news. To date, there has been no new evidence to suggest that Nathan Scott is guilty of these allegations, and yet he looks guiltier the more that we report on him. AT ALEX'S HOTEL ROOM Millicent : Sorry. I think I left my camera in your bathroom. For my part, Mouth : I got into sports news because I think reporting on athletes inspires people to be exceptional. And while I've never been an exceptional athlete, I can strive to be exceptional in my own way... by refusing to bow to pressure, by refusing to stoop to a level that's beneath me, just like Nathan Scott has refused to. Millicent : Found it! Mouth : I believe in Nathan Scott. But I also believe in my viewers. I believe you don't want any part in dragging him through the mud. So if you want Sports news and not gossip, turn the channel. Let my boss know that news isn't just about ratings. It's about people and integrity, but mostly it's about truth, and that still means something. I am Marvin McFadden, and this is Sports. Or at least... it used to be. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Nathan : Her retraction at this point won't change anyone's opinion. Haley : It might. Nathan : They'll all just assume we paid her off, and we will have, which will just make us look even more guilty. But you know this, Haley, which... makes me think the only reason you have left to pay her off is that you're starting to believe she might be telling the truth. Haley, if I'm guilty of this... not only am I the kind of guy that would cheat on you, I'm the kind of guy that would father a child and then turn his back. I'm Dan Scott. If you think I'm capable of that, you do what you have to do, but I guarantee you, if you've lost faith in me, all the money in the world isn't gonna fix it. Quinn : Yeah? Nathan : You're all right? Quinn : No. But it's okay. If I was, I'd be a pretty lousy person. Nathan : I'm sorry about earlier. It's just been... Quinn : I know. I'm sorry that woman's lying about you. I know you'd never hurt Haley like that. And you're not a coward. If anyone's a coward, it's me. I'm not running away from my problems, Nathan. I'm walking away from something that's broken. And that doesn't mean that I'm not scared. I just don't know how to let him go. Nathan : I guess you do it a little bit at a time. You're welcome to stay here under our roof for as long as it takes, though. Quinn : Thank you. AT RED BEDROOM RECORDS Chase : Wow. A candle it pool-table-top picnic dinner. What's the occasion? Mia : I figured my man was gonna be hungry after spending the day modeling for his ex-girlfriend. She get all your measurements? Chase : All but one. Mia : Oh, yeah? What'd she miss? Chase : How much I love my girlfriend. Mia : She forgot the most important measurement of all? Chase : She didn't forget. She just didn't have a tape measure big enough. Mia : Always with the best answers. Chase : Always with the best lips. AT MOUTH'S APPARTMENT Mouth : If you ask it who's the fairest of them all, I'm out. Whoa, hey. That was a joke. Millie, I'm not mad anymore, okay? Last night was my fault. I shouldn't have been so... Millicent : I think I made a mistake, Marvin. I don't know if I want this. Mouth : Then why'd you say yes? Millicent : Because it made me feel special. I mean, I felt competent at my old job. I felt smart and capable and reliable, but I never felt special. Mouth : I think... you're the most special girl I've ever met. Millicent : Thank you, Marvin. But that night, it was like the whole world believed I was special. But who am I kidding? I'm not a model. I'm just Millicent. Mouth : Come here. Millicent : What are you doing? Mouth : Funny... you are definitely the same girl who rocked the fashion industry' world the other night, and she was a model. Have you been through any drastic changes in the last 48 hours? Millicent : No. Mouth : Hmm. Then, uh... unless I'm mistaken, you're still a model. And if modeling makes you feel special, then you should do it, 'cause you deserve to feel that way. You deserve to feel special every second of every day. AT ALEX'S HOTEL ROOM Julian : All right, I'll explain this in a minute. Alex : Take your time. I am happy to watch. You work. I am happy to watch you work. It's very interesting and work-ish. I'm gonna get that. Brooke. Come in. Brooke : Thanks. This'll just take a second. You're fired. Alex : I have a contract. Brooke : I'll pay you out. It's worth the loss. Alex : This is so unnecessary. Julian and I have a working relationship. That means no "doing it." Brooke : Maybe. But it's recently been brought to my attention that the way you behave is a lot like high-school me used to, and I would be insane to let high-school me anywhere near the man I love. The man I love, who shouldn't even think about sleeping anywhere but the couch tonight. Julian : I'm sorry. What did I do? Brooke : What you didn't do is tell me that ho bag got naked for you. Julian : Oh, that. Brooke : Yeah, that. You... couch. You... fired. Ciao, bitches. Alex : You can sleep here if you want. AT THE CHANGING ROOM Rachel : Thanks for meeting me. Have a seat. I know it must be hard to believe That Dan's gonna put you on the air and let you speak freely about how awful his son has been to you. Renee : You could say that. Rachel : There's something I think you should know. When Dan heard about you, he reached out to Nathan, and Nathan shut him down, just like he always does. Renee : So? Rachel : So Dan isn't doing this to help Nathan see the light. He's doing this to bury Nathan. And the deeper Nathan is buried, the more money he'll have to pay you to dig himself out. So... will you do the show? Renee : Okay. I'm in. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : I didn't do it. I couldn't. Nathan : That's what sets you apart from her. It's one of a thousand reasons why I could never, under any circumstances, cheat on you. Haley : I don't want to see you lose your... your dream. Nathan : Lose her? She's right here. And I'm never letting go of her.

While Haley begins to wonder if Renee's accusations have merit, Nathan's scandal threatens his endorsement deals and so Haley considers taking matters into her own hands. Julian gives Alex another chance, and a jealous Brooke reconnects with Chase. Millicent questions whether she has what it takes to be a model. Meanwhile, Clay lets Quinn in on a big secret. This episode is named after a song by Peter Murphy .

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Bull: I'm Dr. Jason Bull. I'm not a lawyer. I'm an expert in what's called trial science. I study the jury's behavioral patterns. I know what they're thinking before they do. Everything my team learns gets plugged into a matrix, which allows us to assemble a shadow jury that is scary in its predictive efficiency. The verdict you get depends on me. And that's no bull. Don't tell me plane crashes are bad luck. You think that Malaysia flight just disappeared? Statistically, flying is still the safest way to travel. It's a business, isn't it? They need to be held accountable. You have to trust the pilot, but... it's a leap of faith. You get on a plane without a second thought. But you have no idea who's flying it. (thunder rumbling) (plane rattling) Flight attendant: Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be starting our descent into Albany in just a few moments. (crying) Flight attendants will be coming through the cabin to pick up any last-minute trash items. As a reminder, we're entering some rough air, so please remain in your seats with seatbelts fastened. (plane continues rattling) Ma'am. (sniffles) You really need to take your seat. I'm so sorry. This needs to be up, sweetie. (rumbling grows louder, passengers gasping) (passengers screaming) Benny: It's a simple question, Mr. Stowman. Vince: In the world history of stupid questions, that is the stupidest question. Marissa: Our client just torpedoed jurors two and eight. 12 thinks he's a rebel. Lifelong fan, but I... Vince: w*nk*r. Marissa: There goes 12. Vince: No further questions. This is after three days of witness prep. We've seen worse. Maybe once. This is getting very tiresome, Dr. Bull. Hey, hey. I totally get it. You had a monster hit, and some one-hit wonder comes out of the woodwork and says you stole the hook to his song? It's your song. That's right. And it hurts, Dr. Bull. It hurts. I know it hurts. And that's why we're gonna prove that it took you ten years to write this song. And that it comes... (hits chest) from your soul. (quietly): I know it's about the collapse of your first marriage. And I'm sorry. But you see these people? They're the jury. They're normal, everyday folks who come home one day, open their mail, and they have a jury summons. They're like my fans? That's exactly what they are. They're the same people who throw panties on stage and cheer for you. And you got to see them like that. You got to talk to them like that. Marissa: Bull? Rock on. Go get 'em. Marissa: Bull. All right. Sir Vincent needs a fresh jury. Thank you guys very much. Bull. News anchor: In the storm, Essence Airlines Flight 1372 went down approximately three miles from Albany Airport. As you can see from the wreckage behind me, all 62 passengers are presumed dead. The president of Essence Airlines is on the line. Call back. (newscast continues) Hamilton-Sena and the usual airline litigation firms are calling to sign us up. Crash is less than an hour old, and the vultures are already circling, huh? Bull: Missing the runway does seem to inspire lawsuits. Sorry, I'm still the new guy, but... you handled aviation suits before? Every crash in the last ten years. And, uh, Bull's a pilot. Maybe it's because I'm a pilot. Just spoke with a former colleague from the FBI. Was it...? Wasn't terrorism. Tried to land in a storm with wind shear. News anchor: A shocking new development, a miracle perhaps. The nose cone of the plane was severed from the fuselage upon impact. Sources tell us that one of the pilots was pulled from the cockpit alive. Never heard of a pilot surviving a crash. On a crash like this. Before we sign any client... Victim or airline... We're gonna talk to this pilot. (sighs) Man: Essence Airlines and supporting industries have all been named in a separate wrongful death filing. The pilot is also being sued. (reporters clamoring) There are security concerns, because of death threats. What's the pilot's status? Thank you. That's all for today. If you needed any convincing lawyers are overpaid, the firm owns 18 floors of prime New York real estate. Best behavior, Dr. Bull. It's a pleasure to meet you, Capt... Captain Mathison. I'm glad you fully recovered. Dr. Bull, thank you. I can't say the last four months have been easy, but I'm here. Oscar Weber. I'm her attorney. (chuckles): Oh! Gosh, yeah. I've heard so much about you, Oscar. Thanks for taking an interest in this case, Dr. Bull. Not sure there's a need here for what you do. Getting the truth? Winning? We may not even take this case to trial. Captain Mathison here has been charged with gross negligence. If she were to lose in court, she may be facing criminal charges. Taylor: Dr. Bull, how did you know I was Captain Mathison and not him? Well, you don't bounce when you walk. So clearly you're former military, and you're wearing aviator sunglasses, so I figured... pilot. Plus, one look at Oscar, and... there's no way he's a pilot. All right, let's go hear this flight recording. Taylor (over computer): Passing outer marker, ILS Approach 1-6, good to land. Man: Radar contact, cleared to land runway 1-6. Ceiling 2-0-0. Visibility one-quarter mile, wind one-niner-zero, variable 25 gust... Tower Albany to Flight 213... Electronic voice: Wind shear. Wind shear. Copilot: Wind shear, loss 20 knots. Taylor: Cross-control 0500. (urgent chatter) Can't... What are you doing? Taylor: Throttle's up! On the go... got to take it around! Full power, full power... That's not protocol. Taylor: Clean it up, full power! Electronic voice: Terrain... Pull up. Terrain... pull up. Taylor: Five more seconds! Brace! Brace! (sustained beep) Man: Tower Albany, I've lost them off-screen. You need a minute? I'm okay. Sounds like you did the best you could in a hell of a storm. I considered flying on to Boston early on, but the storm was worse there, so... We started our descent, and... (sighs) we hit a massive wind shear. Weber: The challenge is gonna be the NTSB report. It says... Captain Mathison failed to follow emergency protocol and lost control of the plane. Marissa: The NTSB says 80% of crashes are caused by pilot error. Bull: It's not exactly a fair fight when the pilots usually aren't around to defend themselves. Weber: The flight recorder backs up the report. A jury is going to be inclined to believe it. Unless someone bothers to give them a credible alternative explanation. Her own copilot questioned her decision. And you can read the mind of a dead man? Good for you, Oscar. Do you think you lost control? I don't remember. I wish I could tell you why I did what I did that day, but it just... Weber: To my point, the plaintiffs are gonna find that very convenient. She had six broken ribs. And a severe concussion. Memory loss does happen with head trauma. You were in the military? I flew 139 sorties over Iraq. Got over 12,000 flight hours. So what's the last thing you do remember? The wind shear alarm. Then I woke up in the hospital. They told me everyone on the flight... And there were no survivors. And you feel responsible. My plane went down and I lost 62 souls. Of course I feel responsible. I am responsible. Weber: Taylor, no one wants to see you endure a long, difficult trial. Let me work with the airlines. We can hash out a settlement for these families. Lord knows what a jury is going to come back with. We'll know. Excuse me? We'll know what a jury's gonna come back with. We'll know because that's what we do. That's what trial science is. And something to remember, Mr. Weber. Just because Taylor feels responsible doesn't mean she's to blame. Captain Mathison, I'd like to take your case. Huh. Okay, s-so what do we do next? My team and I go to work. I didn't sleep for a week after that plane went down. I was lead mechanic on the gate that day. Couldn't help but wonder if I'd missed something. How you sleeping now? Eight hours a night. Look, I did all my preflight checks. The NTSB was all up in here and they still cleared my crew. The plane wasn't ten years old. There was barely a grease spot on the repair log. So it was okay to fly. Waxed and ready to go. Well, that report said that the pilots did their own inspection before takeoff. Why is that? They're required to do a walk-around. But it wasn't both of them that day, it was just the copilot. Is that standard procedure? It's always the copilot. She did her walk-around like she was supposed to. What do you... what do you mean "she"? There are lady copilots. Well, the lady wasn't the copilot on that flight. She was the captain. I mean... Damn. Judge: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a verdict? Guilty of gross negligence. Verdict. Guilty. Guilty. Marissa: We've questioned all of our mock jurors, and they've all found Captain Mathison guilty. Let me work on her image. Maybe we're sending the wrong message. I have some ideas that could balance her military edge. Worth a shot. We varied our emphasis on her military record, her stellar pilot rating, nothing's changed the outcome. Judge: Mr. Foreman, have you reached a verdict? Foreman: We have, Your Honor. In the case of Berman et al. v. Mathison, we find the defendant not guilty. Not guilty? That's amazing. How'd he do that? It is amazing. All we had to do was adjust one basic assumption about the case. Which one? Meet our client, Captain Taylor Mathison. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, all this case needed was a man's touch. (clicks tongue) Sorry. I'm just the messenger. Not the misogynist. Benny: So, juries are finding her guilty because she's a woman. Marissa: But the data shows that when it comes to female pilots, there is a clear gender bias. Yeah, but it's not 1977. There are women in power everywhere. Well, it's subconscious. Things people aren't even aware of, like getting the door for a woman. Bull: Benny's always been chivalrous. Cable: I don't get it. Is it really difficult to open a door? It's back to where women wore farthingales. (chuckles): Farthingales. What's a farthingale? It's basically like wearing an upside-down umbrella. All right, my point is we have to dial gender bias into Taylor's defense. Which is? Which is... ...an unavoidable wall of wind tragically brought down Flight 1372, and not even the skills of a great pilot could save them. Okay. All right, I'm gonna play devil's advocate. How do we prove she didn't lose control of the plane if she can't even remember what happened? Start with the flight recorder. Yeah, about that. You're aware that it only covers the last 30 minutes before the crash? Chunk: My phone holds 1,000 hours of music, but a black box taps out halfway through a Wayne Newton album? I tap out halfway through a Wayne Newton album. Black box is only a piece of the puzzle. Okay, Danny, I want a play-by-play in the 24 hours of Taylor's life before the crash. And, Cable, focus on the flight itself. Fill in the blanks. Danke schoen. That's a Wayne Newton reference for your benefit, Chunk. (sighs) Bull: Cute kids. I take it you and your copilot were close. Yeah. Ken and I were best friends. Mary and the kids are like family to me. They miss their father. It's hard for them to understand why I came home and he didn't. And Mary's mad at me. Been sitting here over an hour, and she's barely said a word. I don't know, sometimes I think she... blames me for Ken's death. Or maybe I'm just a reminder of what happened. You know, those families, they act like I don't care about the victims, but... I think about those people every day. The void they left. The futures they don't get to have. I just keep asking myself: did I panic? You know, did I, did I, did I take a maneuver that was too risky? Taylor, something tells me you didn't. Women drivers. We've all heard the expression. Maybe even said it in the heat of the moment, even though female drivers have a higher safety record than men. Care to watch the mock trial? No, thanks. I'm, uh, looking for my client. You know, he really should be talking about her record as an Air Force pilot. He will, but first we need to call out the bias. Once people are made aware, they tend to compensate. You did one mock trial and determined that the whole world has it in for female pilots? We did five. And it's not a conspiracy. Implicit bias literally means you don't know it's there. So, you strike all the male jurors? No, because women display as much gender bias as men do. Hmm. Can you scare me up a cup of coffee? No, it's fine. I was just about to grab myself a cup. Okay, great. Look, I know Dr. Bull has three PhDs in psychology, but he's not an attorney. And there are so many unknowns to overcome at trial. We're just getting started. By the end of this process, we will know which types of jurors we want and which to exclude. All I know is, if Taylor is smart, she will settle with the plaintiffs and make this whole thing go away. Benny: Is a decorated Air Force fighter pilot, who flew 139 sorties over Iraq. Where's the douche? Looking for Taylor. Did you spit in this? No. But don't drink it. Chunk: You're in the spotlight the minute you walk into the courtroom. Dr. Bull says I need to look strong, but not aggressive, confident, but not arrogant. Well, blue conveys confidence. And navy adds a sense of remorse. I like your style. Thanks. How did you end up here? I arrived via Vogue magazine. Really? Mm-hmm. Weren't you a defensive back for Georgia? Well, I was that, too, before I was this. I knew it. You almost won the Heisman. Weren't you gonna go pro? Draft didn't work out too well for me. Why isn't she in her uniform? Oh, we can do that, if you want to make this look like a military tribunal. In court, we want her to look like a human being, not a pilot. Mr. Weber, I heard you were in the office. Taylor, I know Dr. Bull has convinced you that he has some sort of magic formula that will make a jury see past the facts and exonerate you. Chunk, would you give us a second? And, uh, tell Benny I need to see him. Mm-hmm. Weber: While Dr. Bull has been searching for biases, I've been in touch with the airline, who are negotiating a settlement with the plaintiffs. A settlement? Yes. It's a very generous offer to the victims' family, as it should be, and it protects you from any financial liability. What do you need from me? I need you to agree to the findings of the NTSB report. Bull: The report that finds her at fault. A-And if I do that, I'll be reinstated? Well... Bull: No. Fired. And unemployable and never able to fly again. She killed 62 people. No, Oscar. An airplane crash killed 62 people, not your client. Marissa mentioned you were pushing for a settlement. That struck her, because even though she's a woman, she's quite good with numbers. So, she had Cable, also a woman, also good with computers, do some digging. It seems that your contract with Taylor stipulates the less the airline pays the families, the more your firm makes. That seems like a conflict of interest, but then again, you have all that office space to pay for. That's why I hate lawyers. That's my... bias. So you have a financial incentive for me to settle? It's called a reverse contingency fee. It's how the airline controls damages. That, and by blaming you. Taylor. This is in your best interest. Do not let him twist this. Can I fire my attorney? Of course you can. Especially since he was supplied to you by the airline. You're relieved, Mr. Weber. See how easy that was? Dr. Bull, you're a piece of work. I like those glasses. Dr. Bull, I can't afford my own attorney. It's all right. We have someone. The best, really. Hey. What's up with Weber? Looked pissed. Captain Mathison, meet your new lawyer. Is this normal? For you to sub in for a real trial? It's been about a year since I've been inside a real courtroom. What kind of law did you practice? I was a prosecutor in the D.A.'s office. Yale Law, Supreme Court clerkship. He was a pit bull. If I were on trial, Benny's the only lawyer I'd want. Why did you leave? I got fired. Wait till you hear why. (gavel bangs) All right, prospective jurors have been sworn in. Mr. Dworkin, you may begin your voir dire. Thank you, Your Honor. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm going to ask all of you some questions to see if you can honestly and fairly assess this case. This trial is a suit over... Taylor (quietly): How do you know who has this bias against female pilots? We ask them. Marissa (over earpiece): Okay, we have six strikes left. Who's up first? The lovely Martha Plemmons. Martha Plemmons, 58. High school librarian. Crossword enthusiast. (quietly): The key is not to let anyone know what we're screening for, so our questions have to be a little off. Benny: Ms. Plemmons... what would someone say they didn't like about you? Your Honor, this isn't a job interview. What's the defense going for here? It's his nickel, Mr. Dworkin. (whispers): Please. I-I guess I can be a little pushy sometimes. (laughs) I accessed the district's HR department. Martha's filed two complaints for equal pay against a male counterpart. I think she nailed "a little pushy." Marissa: Yeah, and self-aware. That means she'd be open to assess her own hidden bias on gender. Bull: Two complaints for equal pay sounds pretty aware of gender bias. She only has 47 friends. I don't think she's gonna win Miss Congeniality on this jury. Bull: We don't need her to. She'll have an opinion and stick with it. The question is: will her opinion help or hurt us? Cable: I'd say help. Her last book purchase was Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In. She gave it five stars. That is key. If we can establish a gender bias against Taylor, Martha is gonna resent the airline big-time. Bull: Yeah, I've been watching her. Every time she looks at Taylor, she has admiration. She'll be on our side. Good for the defense, Your Honor. Okay, let's do an online search together. "Three black teenagers." But if I change "black" to "white..." Your Honor, what is this? Race-baiting? Anybody surprised by this? That's just some PC nonsense. [SCENE_BREAK] Cable: This guy would win troll of the year for the things he posts online. Marissa: Mr. Varni is not what I would call enlightened. He's not gonna recognize gender bias if it was full frontal in front of him. I say bounce. Strike, Your Honor. All right, let's talk about Dave Lemanski. Marissa: Professional storm chaser. Should be respectful of the power of Mother Nature, but... also a self-described expert. Well, at least he'll understand the effects of wind shear. Yeah, uh, he may not be afraid of a Tennessee twister, but he seems to run from the opposite s*x. Surprise, storm chasing's a total sausage fest. Bull: I'm looking at his body language. He's not a happy camper. He's antsy just sitting through voir dire. Okay, the data on Lemanski is mixed. On the plus side, he will pay attention to weather conditions during the crash, but it's unclear that he'll recognize his gender bias. Who do we have if we bounce him? Cable: We get... "Rod the Bod," trainer-slash-model-slash-vitamin salesman. Marissa: Uh, Rod's social media is loaded with narcissistic self-congratulatory dude speak. I saw him checking out a young lady in the gallery. The guy's here to find a date. Total lack of awareness. He's gonna be a huge problem for us. Okay. Into the storm we go. We've got ourselves a jury. Marissa: Seven women, five men. Benny: Good for the defense, Your Honor. I'm a high school librarian. I'm a high school librarian. I'm a single mom and teach fifth grade. I'm a single mom and I teach fifth grade. My favorite hobbies are Sudoku and model trains. My favorite hobbies are Sudoku and model trains. For every juror, we hire what we call a "mirror juror." How can they be exactly the same? Well, Marissa's created an algorithm that can track a person across 404 different variants. We put them in the courtroom for the entire trial. Marissa: They wear biometric watches that allow us to track their emotional responses to events in the courtroom. And with an astonishing degree of accuracy, they respond just like the actual jury. Here we have a dermatologist, a Spanish teacher, and a Web designer. We've identified them as open-minded. Lemanski is impulsive, a self-described expert... Could go either way. But these four are followers. They'll go with the wind. And what about those two? That's Frederick West, infantry soldier. All about personal responsibility. But if he senses you're making excuses, we'll lose him. Orville Maynard, on the other hand... retired English professor. Didactic. Despite a history of celebrated liberal causes, his personal syllabus reads like a tribute to dead white men. And he's spent his career lecturing, not listening. (sighs) So what do we do? We learn their habits, lexicon, everything about them. And then we connect with them, with the help of our mirror jurors. One juror at a time. Dworkin: It is tragic that the lone survivor of this crash is the only one here to speak of it. It's even more tragic that she has no memory of what she did. Of losing control of a plane, before smashing it to the ground killing all 62 passengers. Marissa: We're getting good feedback from the biometric watches. So far, our mirror juror for number 11 is responding most favorably to opposing counsel, particularly when they mention the number of victims. Benny: Captain Taylor Mathison is a decorated Air Force fighter pilot who flew 139 sorties over Iraq. Bull: Juliette Lee scratched her neck after she looked at Taylor. Something's making her uncomfortable. How's her mirror looking? She is clearly liking Taylor's military service. Looks like our best in with Juliette is to keep focusing on Taylor's experience as a fighter pilot. So when Flight 1372 was hit by wind shear that slammed the plane toward the ground at 200 feet per second, not even a pilot of her caliber could save them. When a pilot encounters wind shear, one advances the power, retracts the speedbrakes and retracts the gear to reduce drag, build speed and maintain altitude. And, uh, speaking as an NTSB investigator with 20 years experience, did the defendant follow protocol? Reynolds: No. In fact, even her copilot seemed baffled... Objection. Conjecture. Mr. Reynolds can testify in his opinion as an expert. Reynolds: We feel that had she followed protocol... Control? There is no control in wind that strong. Dworkin: ...18. Please, sir, if you would, walk us through. The plane was erratic, off course, not holding it's heading, weaving back and forth. It's clear she panicked, lost control. Dworkin: Thank you. Nothing further, Your Honor. I don't think this guy's a real pilot. He's a paper pusher. I could be getting be high with one of my grad students. Benny: Mr. Reynolds, prior to the crash, what was Captain Mathison's flight record? She had a flawless record. Benny: And yet, your report found pilot error to be the cause of the crash. Correct. Hmm. What about... other crashes involving female pilots? This is the first to my knowledge. Wow. Really? Women must be really good pilots. Actually, there aren't very many. Well, what percentage of pilots are female? About four percent. Four out of 100. Now, that is surprising. It's a challenging lifestyle. Don't flight attendants work similar shifts? Dworkin: Objection. Relevance. Withdrawn. Nothing further, Your Honor. Taylor may be a great pilot, but she's also woman. And beautiful. She's trouble. Tell me more about juror number four, Ms. Juliette Lee. Uh, three kids. Works from home designing Web pages. Creative, tech savvy. And all the data shows that she should be on Taylor's side. Divorced? Three years ago. Her husband left her for his secretary. Find out what color hair the secretary had. Let's bring the copilot's wife into mock court. I need to get her on the stand and play lawyer. Bull: Your husband Ken was the copilot. Were you with him before the flight took off? We had been together just a few hours before he left. Where? We had an appointment together. An appointment? Marriage therapy? I loved my husband, but he wasn't perfect. He'd, uh... slipped before. "Slipped"? As in, had an affair? Pilots are away a lot. It's hard. We were trying to move past it. Hmm. You ever think about who the other woman was? Of course I think about it. Ken was sleeping with Taylor. Taylor: What? Mary! Mary: You were my friend. How could you? Ken? I would never! My God, stop lying! What's wrong with you?! He's dead! She's lost her mind. Why didn't you die, too?! Whoa. Okay, okay. You should've died instead of him! Shh, shh, it's okay. Okay, let's take a little break, all right? It's okay. Marissa's gonna take you. (door opens) Bull: Taylor, stop. You think I was sleeping with Ken? That's what that stunt was about? Not me. Juror number four, Juliette Lee. Her husband left her for a woman who looks a lot like you. (sighs) I can't believe this. Of course I wasn't sleeping with him. Well, he was sleeping with someone. Look, if you're not gonna leave, can you at least turn around? You said Ken was upset. He missed his inspection, you covered for him, and you're still protecting him, and I want to know why. Dr. Bull, I... I can come back. No, I was just leaving. Listen to me. Marissa is talking to Mary right now. I had her testify in mock court so that she would blow here and not in the real trial, because if Mary accused you of sleeping with Ken in the actual court, true or not, the plaintiffs would argue that you were distracted by a lovers' quarrel in the cockpit and that is why the plane crashed. Now, I will get this jury on your side... but not unless you're honest with me. You want honesty? We're done. (sighs): Oh. (quietly): Women. [SCENE_BREAK] ♪ Who's that woman? ♪ ♪ That wonderful woman... ♪ Hey. That your virtual black box? Virtually. Every bit of information from the roughly two dozen passengers using the in-flight Wi-Fi. Selfies from 22D, drink orders from 12A, oh, an epic Twitter fight between the sisters in 18B and C. How did you get all of... You know what? Forget that I asked. Um, anything that's gonna help us? Yeah, I'm getting to that. This tweet from 8C. "Woman in 8D just stomped her foot so hard she broke her heel. #FlightRage." Okay, what else? "Woman in 8D apologized. Said she just got dumped." Juicy. And sad. Dumped by who? (typing) "Woman in 8D pretty much threw herself at the pilot when he went to the bathroom." Who is this woman? (typing) Tanya Bryant. Twenty-nine. An accountant for a department store in Manhattan. I think we just found our copilot's mistress. Nice. Well done, well done. So, Tanya flew three round-trip flights on Essence Airlines in the last month leading up to the crash. Cable: And all the flights have one thing in common. Bad food? Crying babies? Ken Fowler as copilot. So Ken and Tanya were having an airborne romance, not Ken and Taylor. So why didn't Taylor say any of this? Hmm. Hey. So Ken was having an affair with Tanya. Not you. You think maybe Ken was distracted, too distracted to help you with the wind shear? We ran Ken's affair past a mock jury. Instead of seeing Ken as questioning your decisions, they found him preoccupied, not focused on flying. And they found you not guilty. No. You know, so what if Ken might've been distracted? I was the pilot, I made all the decisions. I flew the plane, not Ken. It-it wouldn't have made a difference. Taylor, I get it. You don't want to throw your dead friend under the bus. But you know in your heart that Ken's affair had nothing to do with this crash. Right? Look, I'm taking the settlement. You can't do that. Trust me, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Maybe they're right. Maybe I panicked. Did you? I don't remember. So you just want to give up? Settle? I guess it's what a woman would do. Take the blame. Excuse me? Well, martyrdom is a classic female response to tragedy. Do you have any idea what I have been through my entire life as a pilot? Are you telling me you want to give that up? Come with me. Okay, you got me here. Now what? Well, the simulator is gonna recreate the exact conditions... Yeah, I know what a simulator does. I haven't flown since the accident. I'll be right here with you. I know this isn't easy. I promise it'll get easier if you fly again. Man: All right, Dr. Bull, we're ready to begin the simulation. (simulator powering up) Bull: Okay, we're gonna pick up right after Ken got back to the cockpit. (electronic bell chimes) Passing outer marker. (thunder rumbling) ILS approach 1-6, cleared to land. Man: Radar contact, cleared to land, runway 1-6. Ceiling 2-0-0, visibility one-quarter mile, wind one-niner-zero, variable 2-5 gust, gust to 0-4-1 wind shear all four quadrants. (rumbling) Bull: Wonder how many people get airsick in one of these things. (loud rumbling) Electronic voice: Wind shear, wind shear, wind shear. (alarm beeping) Bull: Wind shear. Lost 20 knots. Cross control, 0500. Bull: Can't... Throttle's up. What are you doing? On the go. Got to take it around. Bull: That's against protocol. Repeat, against protocol. Clean it up. Full power. Electronic voice: Terrain... pull up. No. Terrain... pull up. Five more seconds. Terrain... pull up. Terrain... pull up. Terrain... pull up. Terrain... pull up. Terrain... pull up. Terrain... pull up. Terrain... (rumbling stops) (panting) You know what you did? I got five seconds more flight out of that plane. Five seconds is the difference between putting that plane down on an empty road or in a neighborhood filled with people. Taylor, you didn't want to relive it because you were afraid they were right... That you lost control, but you didn't. How did you know? Because you're a fighter. And a fighter pilot. And another thing I do know is that you saved more lives than your own. And the jury's never heard that. Now... (sighs) you still want to take that settlement? Benny: Captain Mathison, what were you thinking when the plane lost power in the wind shear? Objection. That is not the NTSB's video. Your Honor, the video has been modified in one specific way, and that is to show the jury what was on the ground. Judge: I'll allow it, but only for that reason. Watch your step, Mr. Colón. I don't remember, actually, due to head trauma from the crash. Benny: You flew a simulation earlier that replicated the conditions. And you performed the same maneuver. Why? It was the only way to get a few more seconds flight out of the plane. But it wasn't protocol. Even your copilot asked what you were doing. It would have taken too long to explain. He was never a military pilot. Anyway, there was nothing for him to do. I was in full command of the aircraft. Why was it important for the plane to stay in the air a few extra seconds? To veer the plane to an unpopulated area. If I couldn't save the lives of the people on board, at least I could save lives on the ground. (whispers): Yeah. Captain Mathison solidified these ten jurors today. But? But what does a twister aficionado have in common with a former infantryman? Besides flexibility? Oh... Benny's closing argument brings them both to tears. Benny: I'm working on it. You've already tried five different versions in mock court. I know, but none of them are right. None of them got us the win. They just haven't figured out that gender plays into Taylor's case. Incredibly, their mirror jurors still think she panicked. All right, I got it. (sighs) You think he has it? Not quite. But he will. Where's Chunk? I'll find him. Chunk: Bull says you may need a new tie. Really? Yeah. I'd stay away from stripes if you're trying to project a progressive image. I can't crack my closing argument. I thought closings were your thing. Yeah, when I was a prosecutor. But since then, I've been in mock court. You can lose 100 times and it doesn't matter, but today... only get one shot. I don't know if this helps, but when I played for Georgia, there was a rumor going around that someone on the team was gay. I remember that next practice, I tackled that quarterback so hard... he was out for a week. We lost our next game, but no one suspected that I was gay. It never occurred to them that a gay man could hit that hard. At least not until our ten-year reunion. (chuckles softly) Chunk. Thank you. Tell Bull I said thanks for the tie. Now, bear with me. I'm gonna show you three pictures that tell a story. Okay? Here we go. Now, as you can see, these kids are getting bullied. Then one of them fights back. Here they are in the principal's office. And here's the bully, nursing his black eye. Okay, now, as a show of hands, what was the color shirt of the kid who confronted the bully? Was it a blue shirt? Okay, well, let's take a look, see if we're right. If you all guessed blue, you were wrong. The kid who confronted the bully was wearing the red shirt. See, I never specified which kid confronted the bully. You all just assumed it was the boy. Now, come on, I admit I failed the test, too. See, it's hard to imagine a girl being the hero of the story. Just like it's hard to imagine Captain Mathison being the hero of the one in this court. But she is. She doesn't deserve to be punished for our failings. She deserves to be thanked for the lives that she saved. We need to find her not guilty. Judge: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a verdict? We have, Your Honor. Judge: What say you? Foreman: As to the charge of gross negligence, we find the defendant not guilty. (gallery murmuring) That's one in the win column. Very nice to meet you. Hey. Oh. (chuckles) Thank you so much. Of course. Of course. Of course. Mary. Hi, guys. Hi. Come here. Thanks. (sighs) [SCENE_BREAK] (lively chatter) Bull: May I approach the bar? Ah, yes, you may. (chuckles): Aha. Congratulations, Dr. Bull. You, too. Showed a new speed in court today. Yeah, yeah. I picked up a few new moves here. I saw that. Well, I may start calling on you more often out there. Excuse me, Jay. Milady. Thank you. I got a sweet little gift from Vince. (imitates Vince): "Rock on." (laughs) Heard the airline settled with the families. Double what they would have paid if Taylor had been found guilty. So... how's my team? Right where you want 'em. Here.

A commercial plane crash due to wind shear causes the deaths of 62 people, with the plane's female pilot, Captain Taylor Mathison ( Trieste Kelly Dunn ), being the lone survivor. To avoid negative publicity, the airline is complicit in getting a negligence lawsuit brought against Mathison. When Bull and his team learn juries would more likely acquit a male pilot, they must help Mathison get her life back and not be judged by her gender. In so doing, Bull convinces Mathison to fire her lawyer, who wants to settle, and has Benny try the case.

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You call it madness but I call it love Derek: Shhh, shhh. Lucas: I guess I have my answer Derek: I can't believe he actually left. I would never give up on you that easily, you hear me ? Our love is forever. Nathan: So, when you took your boot off, was it all ... ? Haley: Ohhh, it was like Teen Wolf. Seriously I got to use three razor blades. Nathan: Nice. I'm proud of you Hales. My girl went strong to be rehap by prom. Haley: Yeah. Well at least everything will be perfect tonight. Nathan: Ohhh we gotta stop saying that ! Whitey: When did the chaperon's been prettier than the prom queen ? Dan: Thanks, but I'm with someone ! Karen: Oh, hi Whitey. You look handsome. Whitey: Thank you. Karen: I'd better get to see if Principal Turner needs anything. Whitey: What the hell are you doing ? Dan: I'm making the rest of you guys look bad. Whitey: Years ago I watched you screw up Karen's life. I'm not gonna allow history to repeat itself. Dan: And yet you've been trying to make that tux work since the seventies. Whitey: I'll be watching you Danny. Nathan: I think, I think the [...] snapped. Maybe it's the, the thingamajig. Haley: Can i please call Lucas now ? Nathan: Yeah. Haley: Ugh, I have no signal. Nathan: Oh great ! Well, there's a convenient store about a mile up ahead, I'll just walk there and call for a ride I guess, you can stay. Haley: No, thank you, a pregnant girl in a prom dress with a broken down car is how urban legends get started I'm coming with you. Nathan: What about your leg ? Haley: It'll be a good test come on ! The Clerk: This is the final boarding call for flight 121, service to New Orleans. Derek: Oh good, good, you're awake. I'm sorry about the sedative but there were just so many last minute details. I missed you Peyton, so much. Oh God, I missed that smell ! You're probably wondering how I got out of jail. Miss Sawyer ? Detective Wilcox here. We just call and let you know we have your stalker in custody. Yeah ? You know I've had a lot of time to think about what went wrong with us last time. A girl like you needs romance. I get that now. So that's why you and I are gonna have our own private prom, just the two of us. GENERIC Brooke: Hey. Lucas: Hey, I'm so sorry to hear about your dress. I had no idea. Brooke: It's ok I got most of it off now and when you blacklight me it just says 'who'. Lucas: Oh. Brooke: So, where is she anyway ? Lucas: I went over to her house to pick her up and she won't even open the door. I guess she's not coming. Brooke: Hey, I need to leave for a little while. Mouth: Sure, where are we going? Right, take it easy on the turns. My grandpa Mel [...] the suspension. Brooke: Ok. Hey I'll be back in time for my coronation . Mouth: Are they still voting for Prom Queen? Brooke: Yeah but, it's really just a formality. Derek: You know, the hardest part about the night we broke up, it wasn't your betrayal, it wasn't even falling out of a second story window, no. The hardest part was losing my photos and now I have to start it all over. Smile Peyton. Peyton: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Nathan: Thanks for picking us up mom. Deb: Just think I couldn't have done this a month ago, maybe, I just would have spent a lot more time on the sidewalk! Oh, pretend I'm not here. Nathan: Sorry. This isn't exactly how I wanted to start our romantic prom night. Haley: It's ok, you know after everything we've been through in the past year, your mom taking us to prom feels pretty good. Nathan: Kinda like we're kids again? Haley: Yeah. You know maybe tonight we don't have to be married and pregnant, we can just be teenagers. Nathan: Well in that case, what's you curfew? Derek: Lucas! Peyton: You've reached Peyton's voicemail. Congratulations. Lucas: Hey Peyton, this isn't right. You're the one I wanna be with tonight, prom and all ... so call me ok? Please. Principal Turner: Miss Gatina! You know that you're not allowed on school grounds? Rachel: What are you gonna do expel me? Principal Turner: Don't make me call the police. Rachel: Fine. All right, I've got a limo, and a fully stuffed mini bar, who's with me? This school sucks. Mouth: Rachel, wait. I'm coming with you. Rachel: What about Brooke? Mouth: If she were here she'd do the same thing, it's what friends do. Rachel: See you Turner! Oh, expect a call from my lawyer about the sexual harassment. Principal Turner: She's kidding Dan: Relax Turner. You need a drink and in fact I confiscated this flask from one of your students. Gimme a minute Karen. Derek: It's time for our first dance. This song is special. I made it from your podcasts. I hope you see now how much thought I put into tonight. It's why I couldn't have you going to prom with Lucas. And afterwards, giving yourself to him. I couldn't allow that Peyton, you belong to me. We're gonna have the perfect prom, and afterwards we're gonna go up to your bedroom, and have the perfect prom night. Well another tex from Lucas, let's see what it says. Ohhh, I'm so sorry, please talk to me, prom sucks without you. Let's reply: sorry, running late, wait for me. Hugs and kisses. Is that emoticon too much you think? Ohhh, what the hell, semi-colon and close parentheses. Lucas: Hey, Glenda you look great! Glenda: Thank you! So I guess I'm not the only one alone at prom. Maybe Lucas Scott really is a Goth at heart. Lucas: ugh, Peyton is on the way, finally! But you know, I could use company until she gets here. Glenda: Good, cause I could use someone help me pretend I'm above of those prom stuff. Lucas: Ok. Nathan: Hey, good news. Nobody's using the DW not I car tonight so it's all ours. Haley: Sweet! Nathan: You're ready to dance? Haley: Definitely. Definitely not! I think I failed the test. Nathan: Ok. Sit down. It's alright. Haley: no, it's not ok. Aren't you the guy that always said at some point you just gotta deal with the pain? Nathan: Yeah, well, I'm an idiot. I'm gonna get you some punch ok? Here. Haley: Thank you. Ouhh honey, that ain't punch! Student: Noooot bad huh? Yeah... They [...] my flask when I came in, then I went to plan B, so it's all [...] Nathan: You spiked the punch? Student: Dude, it's prom! Nathan: My wife is pregnant, you idiot! Student: Dude, it's prom! Haley: Dude, It's prom. [SCENE_BREAK] Glenda: Hey, you see that guy over there? He's got the key to a room at the Holiday in, and a box of wine cooling in the mini fridge. Lucas: You do this a lot? Glenda: Helps killing time when you live on the sidelines. Ok it's your turn. Lucas: She's wondering if she should forgive the guy for being an ass for the last seventeen years. Glenda: Your mom, right? Lucas: Yeah. And daddy. Brooke: Come one Peyton, your car is in the driveway I know you're home! Ok Peyton, your curling iron is still on so if you're tryna make it look like you're not here at least make it convincing! Great. Hide in your creepy basement because you know I hate it! Too bad, I'm coming down anyway. Oh my God. Derek: Well, well, Brooke Davis. One kiss wasn't enough so you came by for a second? Brooke: Get of me! Peyton: Brooke! Mouth: What happened I thought you were leaving tonight? Rachel: My flight got delayed by a few hours. Just enough time to crash the bal. Mouth: Well we hang out and then I take you back at the airport. Rachel: You sure? I mean it's your prom night. Mouth: Yeah but it's your last night! Besides prom just makes me think about Shelly. Rachel: Alright Mouth, talk to me. Mouth: I can't stop thinking about her. Her eyes, her smile, those little freckles on the small of her back... Rachel: Hang on? The small of her back? The clean teen gave it up! Nice work! Mouth: Yeah, so nice she never wants to see me again. Rachel: You're welcome to the rest of your life. s*x changes everything. Mouth: You know what, let's not talk about Shelly. This is you and I what do you wanna do? Rachel: I wanted to deflower you, but I guess I'm too late for that. I wanna do what you wanna do! Mouth: I wanna get Shelly back! Rachel: Except that! Shelly is nuts, and this is coming from a girl who has seen a lot of nuts! Mouth: I know but, she made me feel dangerous you know? Like I was more than myself. Rachel: Mouth, quit talking about Shelly! Mouth: Yeah, I'm boring you. Rachel: No. you're making me jealous. Glenda: So, when do I get the next chapter of your book? Or is that your strategy? Get me hooked and leave me hanging? Lucas: No, that's not it. The truth is I'm stuck! On the day my uncle Keith died. Glenda: Sure it's hard to revisit that day. But telling the truth about it could help a lot of people, maybe even you. Lucas: You see that's just it, I have trouble with the details, there's a lot of things about that day I can't remember, I kinda like blocked it up. Glenda: I tell you what, why don't you walk me through the things you can remember? Maybe it'll help to talk it through. Lucas: Alright. Derek: It's a good thing I brought extra rope. Brooke: Untie me you freak! Derek: It's figures you'd be good with your mouth. Noone is gonna hear you. Brooke & Peyton: HELP! Derek: You know Peyton, you really shouldn't... the music so loud! Brooke & Peyton: HELP US ! Haley: This is the weirdest prom ever, no Peyton, no Brooke, no Lucas, no Mouth... Nathan: No rachel. Haley: Good prom! Principal Tuner: Nathan, I need you to drive a student home. Nathan: What do you mean? Principal Turner: You're the DW not I car don't you? Nathan: Yeah. I guess I do, who is it? Peyton: Why did you come? Brooke: We've been talking about senior prom since we are 8. I knew something was wrong. Peyton: So, you told someone you were coming? Brooke: No... at least I came! Peyton: You should have told somebody! Brooke: That is your problem you are so angry. Peyton: You're an idiot! Brooke: Don't call me an idiot bitch! Peyton: I hope he kills you first. Derek: That's a good idea. I know how much you hate her, Peyton. I was outside today, watching. I heard that you told Brooke that she was dead to you. Now I'm gonna make it official. Peyton: Derek, wait. Derek; Don't you see, Peyton? I was serching for some way to show you how much I love you. I'm gonna hurt her as much as she hurt you. Peyton: Derek, hey, hey, look at me. If you really, really love me, let me do it. This is my chance to revenge, you, well, you should know that. Look you were right about me, okay? Hey, listen, you were right. We are so much alike. I have all the same feelings that you do, and I have all the same desires. Derek: I don't believe you. Peyton: It's true. Hey, I just couldn't admit it before. I'm gonna prove it to you now, okay, just untie me. Derek: You're lying. Peyton: Come on Derek. You got the knife, and I'm half your size! Hey, baby. Derek: You better not be lying. Peyton: I'm not, baby. I promise. (she slaps Brooke) God that felt good! Derek: Do it again. Brooke: Why don't you make it hurt next time bitch? Peyton: Alright, gimme the knife. I'm gonna finish this bitch off. Gimme the knife! Derek: I don't think I can trust you. Peyton: Let's talk about trust okay. See, you lied to me, you said you were my brother, didn't you? You went about it everything all wrong Derek. God, you're ... you're such a beautiful boy! All you had to do was ask! Would you gimme the knife, and then when I'm finished with her, we'll go upstairs, ok? Derek: You wanna cut vertically. It's conter intuitive. I know. Peyton: All this time you said I was a backstarving bitch, you have no idea how right you were! Brooke: God you didn't have to hit me so hard. Peyton: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! Brooke: Peyton, Peyton, he's moving, just get out of here! Peyton: No, I'm not leaving you. Derek: That was so disappointing! You know what? I changed my ming. I think I'll kill you first! Brooke: Peyton, run! Derek: Yeah, Peyton, run! You shouldn't have lied Peyton. It's not very nice! Lucas: She told me she loved me. I just figured it was because she lost a lot of blood. But at some level I knew it was true. I was just too afraid to admit it because, it would've hurt Brooke. Glenda: You ever think maybe that's why you have trouble writing about that day? Maybe you block things out because you're afraid if you face the truth, it could hurt the other people you love. Student: So, I heard about you and Brooke Davis. Hi 5! I guess that means you guys have like, an open marriage. That is so great! Nathan: Out! Student: What? But my house is like a mile... Nathan: Out. Student: That's cool. I'll see you at school. Nathan: You still wanna be a teenager? Haley: Oh my gosh! You know, I used to dream about how wonderful senior prom would be, the last great party with all our friends before we graduate. This night? This is nothing like I predicted. Nathan: Yeah, well you gotta be careful about your predictions. Haley: Baby, the school's back there, where are we going? Nathan: It's a surprise. Haley: Okay. Derek: Open the door, Peyton! You already know I could break it down. You forgot to lock it. Peyton: I didn't forget! It doesn't feel so good, does it? I'm not gonna run from you anymore Derek, I'm not gonna run anymore purely now get up! Derek: You've been training. Peyton: It's right, with my real brother. He taught me this! And that is fro making me afraid to sleep, you creepy, and smelly son of a bitch ! Derek: Shhhh. You really think you could beat me? A girl? Brooke: How about two girls? Peyton: Brooke get out! Get off ! Brooke: Peyton, [...] Peyton: [...] Brooke: Peyton, be careful he's gonna lunge. They always lunge. Derek: Arghhh! Brooke: I'm gonna call 911. Peyton: Brooke wait, gimme five minutes. Brooke: Look about earlier today, you were right. All those things that I said about your mom ... Peyton: No... we both said [...] things today. Besides if you hadn't come right now, i'd be bitching my both mom about you in person. You saved me. Brooke: You saved me too. I guess now it's hoes over psychos. Peyton: Yeah. Brooke: So where do we go from here? Peyton: Prom? Brooke: Ok. Rachel: you know, I lied you when I told you my flight was delayed. The truth is <i wasn't sure I was ready to get on it. Mouth: Why not? Rachel: Because i wanted us to have our last dance. Mouth: Let's have it. Rachel: You're gonna break a lot of hearts Mouth McFadden. Dan: So what do you think? Does this beat our prom? Karen: Oh let's see, the theme for our prom was 'Every rose has its thorn', yeah. Dan: Thorn, right. I was out at the night i told you I was leaving to take the basketball scholarship. I want you to know that for the past seventeen years, I've been pretending that it was the right choice. Karen: For the last seventeen years, I've been pretending that choice didn't break my heart. Dan: I wanna ask you something, do you think it's impossible for you ever to have feelings for me again, like you once did ? Karen: No, it's not impossible. Haley: What are we doing here? Nathan: Do you remember the last time i went up here? Haley: Yeah I do, it was when we were separated and I try to forget. Nathan: Well, you showed me the predictions that you and Lucas make every year on the first day of school. And i made a prediction on my own that night, you remember? Here it is. Haley: Haley and I will be together again by graduation. Did you really believe that? Nathan: I was in a pretty dark place back then but, I never stopped believing in us. My prediction came true Hales! As far as I'm concerned, that makes this a great night. So, you think your leg's ready for a dance? Haley: Ohhh, I wish it were but it's still a little stiff. Sorry. Nathan: [...] Haley: Ohhh, it's my lucky night! The clerk: Attention, now flight 243 to New Orleans at gate 6. Attention, now flight 243 to New Orleans at gate 6. Rachel: It's me. Mouth: Then I guess this is goodbye. I'm really glad you came back tonight Rachel. Rachel: Me too. Hey, you wanna come with me? Mouth: I can't, I'd miss finals, an graduation, it's suicide! Rachel: No, it's just dangerous. It's ok Mouth. See you later. Mouth: Rachel wait. I'm coming with you. Dan: So, it's you. Lucas: What do you mean? Dan: You lost your phone. Lucas: It's not my phone. Dan: Sure? Lucas: Yeah. What's wrong with you? And where's my mom? Dan: She's... I'm sorry, i just... What are you doing here Lucas? Lucas: I guess i just keep feeling like, i keep feeling like Keith's trying to tell me something. Dan: We already had this conversation, son. Lucas: I know, but... Dan: No! Keith's dead, ok? He's not coming back. Open your eyes. Flashback: Keith: Open your eyes Luke. Open your eyes! Lucas: Keith? Keith: Luke, I love you, now go. Peyton: Are you ready for this Brooke Davis? Brooke: Welcome to prom, P Sawyer. Bevin: Attention everyone! Get around the stage. It's time to announce our prom queen. The envelope please. Okay, and this year's prom queen: Brooke Davis!

It's Prom night, but things start to go awry. Lucas remembers that someone was in the hallway when Keith was killed. Psycho Derek holds Peyton and Brooke hostage in Peyton's own house. Haley and Nathan vow to be romantic with each other throughout the night. Dan continues to win over Karen's affections. Within Reason guest star to perform during the Prom. This episode is named after a song by Nat King Cole .

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Countryside Merlin and Arthur are galloping. They reach the top of a hill overlooking a small village. Arthur: You know what you need after a hard day's hunt? Merlin: Sleep? Arthur: A nice cold tankard of mead. Merlin: (muttering) Mead. They arrive in the village, dismount and tie their horses up. Arthur: No better place to measure the mood of your people than the local tavern. Merlin: This is one of those moments where I tell you that something isn't a good idea and you ignore me, isn't it? Arthur: You're learning, Merlin. Slowly, but you're learning. Now remember, in here you're not my servant. I'm just a simple peasant as everyone else. They are walking in the direction of the tavern. Merlin: The simple's part right. Arthur: What? Merlin: I said the sun is very bright. Arthur: Yeah, yeah it is. [SCENE_BREAK] The tavern The place is packed and noisy. Arthur and Merlin sit at a table. The innkeeper, a plump woman, arrives to take the orders. Innkeeper: Afternoon. What'll it be? Oh, you're a handsome fellow! Arthur: (swelling with conceit) Well, you wouldn't be the first to say it Innkeeper: Oh, no sorry, I was talking about your friend here. Arthur: Him? Merlin: Thank you. Arthur: (looking pretty upset) Two tankards of meat, please. Merlin: I was wrong. Coming here was a great idea. The door opens and a scary man comes in. Chatters stop. He walks through the tavern. Everybody is staring at him. Dagr: Afternoon, Mary. Business looks good. Mary: We have our better days. Dagr: I don't suppose you'll begrudge me my share then. Mary throws a couple of coins on the bar. He counts the coins. Dagr: And the rest? Mary: That's all we've got. The bandit grabs Mary and threats her with a dagger. Dagr: I'll not ask again. Arthur: Take your hands off her. The bandit tries to hit Arthur who avoids him, and pushes him into a shelf. They stare at each other. Dagr: I'm going to make you pay for that. Merlin: (laughing) I'd like to see you try. The bandit whistles and a group of scary men come into the tavern. Arthur: You had to open your big mouth, didn't you, Merlin? A young man stands up. Young Man: You two have got yourselves in a bit of a pickle, haven't you? Arthur: You should get out of here while you have the chance. The young man is drinking a tankard. Young man: You're probably right. The young man holds the tankard to the bandit, smiles and punches him on the nose. It's the beginning of the brawl. Merlin: ARTHUR! Arthur: Merlin! Behind you! Merlin ducks to avoid a flying chair. Two big men are threatening Merlin. Merlin casts a spell: Aetslide bencpe. A bench flies and knocks them out. Merlin goes behind the bar. Mary and Merlin are crushing jugs on bandits. Merlin uses magic to throw a stack of plates on a bandit. The young man is fighting close to the bar. Young man: Pass the jug. He starts drinking. A bandit tries to hit him. He ducks and punches the bandit. Young man: What do they call you then? Merlin: Merlin. They shake hands. Young man: Gwaine. Pleasure to meet you. He turns and breaks the jug on a bandit's head. Gwaine: Such a waste. The brawl goes on. Arthur is fighting against the chief of the bandits. The man takes his dagger and is about to stab Arthur. Gwaine throw himself in front of the bandit, saving Arthur. The bandit is knocked out and Gwaine is stabbed in the leg. He tries to get up, but he falls and knocks himself on a bench. He lies on the ground unconscious. Merlin comes to examine him. Arthur: How is he? Merlin starts bandages Gwaine's leg. Merlin: Not good. He's losing a lot of blood... [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the tavern The bandit is at the stocks, people are throwing rotten vegetables to him. Gwaine, still unconscious, is lying on Arthur's horse. Arthur: If this man ever troubles you again, word is to be sent to Camelot. Soldiers will be here within a day. Mary: How can you make a promise like that? Arthur: Because I'm the King's son. Prince Arthur. Mary: Prince Arthur! Prince Arthur in my tavern! Arthur and Merlin are leaving the village. Mary: Come on! The villagers throw more rotten vegetables at the bandit in stocks --- Opening Credits --- Merlin s chamber Arthur and Merlin are carrying Gwaine onto Merlin's bed. Gaius takes a look at the wound. Gaius: Merlin, fetch me some fresh water, towels, needle and a silk thread. Merlin: And honey? Gaius: You're learning. It helps fight the infection. Arthur: But he'll be all right? Gaius: Providing he's strong. Arthur: He's that, all right. The man saved my life, Gaius. He's to be given anything he needs. Arthur leaves the room. [SCENE_BREAK] Merlin's chamber, the next morning Gwaine is waking up. Merlin comes into the room, carrying a tray with food. Gwaine: What am I doing in this bed? Merlin: You were wounded. Arthur wanted to make sure that you were treated by his physician. Gwaine: Arthur? Merlin: Prince Arthur. You saved his life. Gwaine: If I had known who he was... I probably wouldn't have. He's a noble. Merlin: Yeah, but he's a good man. Gwaine: (snorting) if you say so. Merlin: Well, you're a hero. The King wants to thank you in person. Gwaine almost spits what he is drinking. Gwaine: Please, no. I've met a few kings... Once you've met one, you've met them all. Merlin: He'll probably give you an award. Gwaine: I'm not interested. Besides, I've got everything I need right here. Merlin: Why did you help us? Gwaine: Your chances looked between slim and none. I guess I just kind of liked the look of those odds. [SCENE_BREAK] Arthur's chamber Merlin is opening the curtains. Arthur: How's Gwaine? Merlin: Recovering... Merlin looks out of the window. Knights are arriving in the courtyard. Merlin: Who's that? Arthur goes to the window and has a look. Arthur: Ah, Sir Derian! He's here for the melee. Merlin: Oh, yeah the tournaments where the knights ride around hitting each other with blunt weapons for no good reason. Arthur: A little more to it than that... Merlin: Really? All I've ever seen is people getting the seven bells knocked out of them, so the last man standing can be called the winner. Arthur: (patronizing) the melee is the ultimate test of strength and courage. Merlin: Are you sure we are talking about the same thing? Arthur: Well I wouldn't expect you to understand. You're not a knight. Merlin: Well, if it means I don't get clobbered round the head, I'm glad of it. Arthur: Well, I'm afraid it doesn't. Arthur throws a cup at the back of Merlin's head. Merlin: Ouch! Arthur: I need that lot cleaned by noon. Merlin rubs his neck and leaves the room. [SCENE_BREAK] A village, in the house of an old sorcerer, Cylferth Cylferth: The Stulorne blades, just as you requested. The two bandits inspect the swords. Ebor: They're blunt. Dagr: That in only how they appear. Dagr cuts Ebor's shirt with the sword. They both laugh loudly. Cylferth: Why should you want such a weapon? Dagr: That's none of your business old man. You have the crystals? Cylferth: Money first. Dagr gives the old man a purse. He comes back with a casket, containing crystals. Dagr wants to take them. Cylferth: Not yet! He casts a spell on the crystals. Cylferth: (chanting) Pecce treowan andwlitan heora fram gesihoe eallra. The crystals start shining. The old man gives Dagr the casket. Cylferth: The wearer of these crystals will be able to take on the form of whoever's blood they touch. Dagr: Thank you. Cylferth: Thank you. He starts counting the coins from the purse when Chief stabs him in the back. Ebor: Now what? Dagr: Now, Ebor, we can take our revenge on Prince Arthur of Camelot. They both burst out laughing and they leave the house. [SCENE_BREAK] Merlin's room Gwaine is putting on his boots. Church bells chime. He goes to the window, opens it and looks down at Camelot. [SCENE_BREAK] Street of Camelot Gwaine is walking, he notices Gwen. He snatches a flower and catches Gwen to give her the flower. Gwaine: I believe this belongs to you. Gwen: I don't think so. It's not my colour. Gwaine: Well, let us see. Gwaine puts the flower in Gwen's hair. Gwen: I bet you've got a whole bunch of those to hand out. Gwaine: Yours is the only one. Gwen smiles and tries to leave. Gwaine: I'm Gwaine. Gwaine takes out his hand, they shake hands, but Gwaine does not let Gwen go. Gwaine: You haven't told me your name. He keeps holding Gwen's hand. Gwaine: You look like a princess to me. So it's probably something like Sophia or Esmeralda! That's it! Princess Esmeralda! Gwaine bows to Gwen. Gwen: Stop it, people are staring. Gwaine: Not until you tell me your name. Gwen: It's Gwen. Gwaine: There, that wasn't so hard, now was it? Gwen tries to move past him. He tries to take a basket. Gwaine: A princess should not have to lump her washing around. Gwen: Unfortunately, I'm not a princess. Gwaine: Ah, but you see, you are to me. She giggles. Gwaine: This is not working is it? Gwen: No, not really. But I like that you tried and that you know when to give up. She takes the flower out of her hair. Gwen: You'd better have this in case someone else takes your fancy. Gwaine: I've eyes only for you. Gwen: I'm sure. Gwen goes finally goes her way, Gwaine chuckles and goes his way. [SCENE_BREAK] In the woods Dagr and Ebor are spying on two knights who are camping. Sir Ethan: How much further would you say it is from Camelot? Sir Oswald: Half a day's ride. The journey is almost over. Dagr: It is for you. Crackle of branches Sir Ethan: Oswald! Dagr stabs Oswald. He starts fighting against Ethan. Ethan is stabbed in the back by Ebor. A servant runs out of one of the tents. Ebor sees him. Ebor: Dagr! Dagr throws a dagger to the servant and kills him. The two bandits giggle. Dagr: The crystals. Ebor hands him the casket. Dagr takes one of the crystal necklaces and wipes the blood of his sword on it. The crystal shines. Then he put on the necklace. Oswald is still lying dead on the ground. Another Oswald is standing by him. He's touching his face. Ebor: You look good, Dagr. Dagr/Oswald: Sir Oswald! Ebor bows to him. Ebor: Sorry, sir. Dagr/Oswald: That's all right. Dagr takes the second necklace. Dagr/Oswald: Your turn. Then we can take our rightful place in the melee. Dagr/Oswald and Ebor/Ethan are riding to Camelot. [SCENE_BREAK] Castle courtyard Arthur, followed by Merlin, walks down the steps to welcome the two knights. Arthur: Sir Oswald! The knights dismount. Arthur: I didn't think you'd be brave enough to show up. Dagr/Oswald: And miss the chance of putting you on your backside? They hug. Arthur: You've never managed it before. Dagr/Oswald: That was then. This is now. Arthur punches him and turns to the other knight who introduces himself. Ebor/Ethan: Sir Ethan Arthur: This is my servant, Merlin. He loves hard work, so anything you need, just give him a call. Dagr/Oswald: Believe me, I will. [SCENE_BREAK] Guests 'chamber Dagr/Oswald: MERLIN! Merlin opens the door, carrying a huge trunk with difficulty. Merlin: Here it is! D/O smirks. Dagr/Oswald: What took you so long? Merlin: It weighs a ton...Stairs... Seven flights... Ebor/Ethan: That's very kind of you. Merlin is rubbing his arm and about to leave the room. Dagr/Oswald: But you can't leave it there. Merlin: I can't? Dagr/Oswald: It's in the way. Merlin: Ok. Where do you want it? Ebor/Ethan: Over there, by the bed. Merlin takes the trunk and carries it by the bed. Dagr/Oswald: Oh, no. The other side. Merlin drags the trunk on the other side of the bed. Ebor/Ethan: It's going to get in my way there. Merlin: Where do you want it? Dagr/Oswald: On the top of the wardrobe. Merlin: On the TOP? Ebor/Ethan: You're absolutely right, Oswald. That's exactly where it should be. Merlin painfully puts the trunk on the top of the wardrobe, Dagr/Oswald opens the lock with his sword and everything falls out. [SCENE_BREAK] Gaius's chamber Merlin is slurping the soup almost without breathing. Gaius: It's very hard to work out whether you're eating or inhaling that soup. Merlin: I haven't had anything all day. Sir Oswald had me at his beck and call. Gaius: How is he? Merlin: Awful. He treats me like dirt. Gaius: That doesn't sound like the young man I knew. He always struck me as a rather kind and thoughtful soul. Merlin: Then he must've changed. Gaius: You must remember that not all masters are good to theirs servants as Arthur. Merlin spits green soup he was eating at Gaius's face. Gaius: Thank you, Merlin. Merlin: Sorry. The door opens and Gwen peeks in. Gwen: Merlin, I think you need to come with me. [SCENE_BREAK] Camelot tavern Gwen and Merlin are staring at a note. Close to them, the innkeeper looks rather cross. Merlin: You drank all this? Gwaine: With some help from my new friends. People in the tavern cheer: Yeah! Innkeeper: He says that he hasn't got any money... so it looks like you'll have to pay. The innkeeper grabs Merlin and lifts him from the floor. Merlin: I can't afford this. Innkeeper: Better find someone who can. Gwaine starts laughing and falls on the ground. [SCENE_BREAK] Merlin's chamber Merlin helps a staggering Gwaine into his room. Gwaine: You're the best friend I've ever had. Merlin: You seem to have quite a few. They both laugh. Gwaine: I'd love to see Arthur's face when he gets that bill. Merlin: Right. What is it with you and nobles? Gwaine: Nothing. My father was a knight in Caerleon's army. He died in a battle, leaving my mother penniless. When she went to the king for help, he turned her away. Merlin: You didn't know him? Gwaine: Just some stories that I've been told. Merlin: I know how that feels. I met my father just briefly before he died. Gwaine: Why? Merlin: He was banished. Gwaine: What had he done? Merlin: Nothing... He served the king. Gwaine: But the king turned against him. That doesn't surprise me. Merlin: Arthur's not like that. Gwaine: Maybe, but none of them are worth dying for, huh! Gwaine laughs, hits his head on the wall and goes on laughing. [SCENE_BREAK] Arthur's chamber, the next morning Merlin enters carrying a tray with food. Merlin: Sorry, I know I'm late. Arthur: Not at all. Merlin: Um, good... Arthur: Are you sure you're all right? You're not sick? Unsteady, about to burst into a song. Merlin: No. Why? Arthur takes a note and start reading. Arthur: 14 quarts of mead, 3 flagons of wine, 5 quarts of cider. Merlin: I can explain. Arthur: 4 dozen pickled eggs! Merlin: That was Gwaine. He went to the tavern and... he couldn't pay for it. Arthur: So you said I would? Merlin: Mmm, if I hadn't, that innkeeper he would have strung us both up. Arthur: I fail to see the downside. Merlin: You said he should be given anything he needs. Arthur: FOUR DOZEN PICKLE DEGGS! Merlin: I'm sorry. I'll pay for it. Arthur: You most certainly will... [SCENE_BREAK] Throne hall Gwaine: Arthur's a thoroughbred little braggart. Gwaine and Merlin are polishing boots. Merlin: Why? Gwaine: Making us to this. Merlin: I think it's fair. Gwaine: For the entire army! Gwaine points at dozen of boots waiting to be polished. Merlin: If you admitted your father was a knight you wouldn't have to... Gwaine: Maybe, but I'm not making the same mistakes he did. Anyway, my father always treated his servants well. Merlin: You didn't know him! Gwaine: Well, I like to think that he did. What about yours? Merlin: No. He didn't have any servants. He didn't have anyone... Gwaine: When did he die? Merlin: About a year ago... I'd just wish I had the chance to know him better. There's so much he could've taught me. Gwaine: But you did get to meet him. Merlin: Yeah. Gwaine: If there's one thing that I learnt from my father's life, it's that titles don't mean anything. It's what's inside that count. Gwaine slaps Merlin's knee with a brush. Merlin: Ow! [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the castle Arthur is practicing; he is attacking a dummy dressed as a knight. Dagr/Oswald: You look like you need a bit of practice. Arthur: Ah? Do you think so? Dagr/Oswald: I know so. Dagr/Oswald gestures to Merlin to get a sword. Arthur and D/O start fighting. Arthur (bragging): You're rusty. You're not as quick as you used to be. Dagr/Oswald: Still quick enough to hit you. Arthur: I thought you were left-handed. Dagr/Oswald: Yes I am. I... just wanted to give you a chance. Dagr/Oswald changes hand to hold his sword. Dagr/Oswald: How about we make this more interesting? 50 gold coins first clean hit. Arthur: Make it a hundred. Arthur manages to pin his arm, Dagr/Oswald cannot fight any more. Arthur: You can keep your money. Arthur, satisfied, leaves the field. Ebor/Ethan: Don't worry, in the melee there'll be two of us. Dagr/Oswald: With the Stulorne blade, I'll fillet the little brat. Merlin seems to have overhead the conversation. Dagr/Oswald spits. [SCENE_BREAK] Guests 'chamber Merlin is bringing pieces of armour in the room. The he starts removing dirty plates from the table. He discovers 2 swords. He tries to examine the blades and he gets cut by one of them. Dagr/Oswald and Ebor/Ethan enters the room. Dagr/Oswald: What're you doing with that, boy? Merlin: I was just tidying... Dagr/Oswald: Keep away from things that don't concern you. Merlin takes the dirty plates and leaves the room. [SCENE_BREAK] Gaius's chamber Gaius is bandaging Merlin's finger. Merlin: To the eye the sword appeared blunt, but when I touched it... Gwaine: You were lucky... I've seen those blades in action. They are forged using sorcery. Gaius: But what would they want with such a blade? Merlin: I think they mean to kill Arthur in the melee. Gaius: But in front of all those people? Gwaine: It's the perfect cover. If they succeed, nobody will suspect it was intentional. Merlin: I need to warn Arthur. Gaius: Merlin, Sir Oswald is a knight; he comes from a well-respected family. You can't accuse him without a proof. Merlin: Then we need that blade... Gwaine: I'll get it. Merlin: What if they catch you? What reason would you have to be in Sir Oswald's chambers? No, it's safer if I do it. [SCENE_BREAK] Guests' chamber Oswald is asleep. Merlin sneaks into the room and opens a big trunk, where he finds the blade. Then he notices the crystal, shining on Dagr/Oswald's chest. He walks toward him and sees Dagr's face in the crystal. Dagr wakes up and grabs Merlin by the hand. [SCENE_BREAK] Gaius's chamber Gwaine: Merlin should be back by now. Gaius: I know. Gwaine: I'm going to see what's going on. Gwaine leaves the room. Gaius: Gwaine... [SCENE_BREAK] Guest's chamber Merlin is standing against the wall a dagger is thrown just above his head. Merlin: I was just rearranging the bedclothes. That's all. Dagr/Oswald throws another dagger. Dagr/Oswald: You hear that, Sir Ethan. He was just rearranging the bedclothes. Dagr/Oswald throws a third dagger. Ebor/Ethan: My mistake he's not the snivelling thief I thought he was. Dagr/Oswald tries to attack Merlin with a sword. Merlin ducks. Merlin: I thought you might be cold. Dagr/Oswald: Of course you did. Merlin ducks again as Dagr/Oswald is trying to hit him again with his sword. Gwaine: Is there a problem here? Dagr/Oswald: No. Now leave. Gwaine: You all right, Merlin? Merlin nods and mouths: No. Dagr/Oswald: I thought I told you to leave. Gwaine: I wasn't talking to you. Ebor/Ethan: How dare you speak to a knight like that? Ebor/Ethan attacks Gwaine. Gwaine disarms him and catches his sword. Dagr/Oswald attacks Gwaine. Merlin: Careful! Gwaine: Don't worry I can handle this thug. They start fighting. Ebor/Ethan attacks Gwaine from behind, hits Ebor/Ethan in the face and knocks him down. Dagr/Oswald attacks Gwaine again. Merlin: Watch out! Gwaine disarms Dagr/Oswald. Sir Leon comes into the room. Sir Leon: What's going on? Gwaine looks at Sir Leon and Dagr/Oswald knocks him down. Dagr/Oswald: This man attacked me. I demand an audience with the King. [SCENE_BREAK] Merlin and Gaius are walking in a corridor. Merlin: It's not Sir Oswald, it's the thug from the tavern, Dagr...He's using a magical crystal to change his appearance... [SCENE_BREAK] Throne Hall Two guards are dragging Gwaine into the hall. His hands are chained. Dagr/Oswald: Sire, this man attacked me with a sword. He tried to kill me. Gwaine is kneeling on the floor. Uther: Is this true? Gwaine: I stepped in to protect Merlin. Dagr/Oswald: I tried to talk to him. He was like a man possessed. I'm sure that Sir Ethan will back me up. Ebor/Ethan: Indeed. I can vouch for his every word. Gwaine: He's a liar! Uther: I will have your tongue; how dare you speak to a knight in that way! Gwaine: Nobility is defined by what you do, not by who you are. These men are anything but. They are arrogant thugs! Arthur: Gwaine! Dagr/Oswald: You see, Sire, how he behaves. Uther: I have heard enough! For a commoner to attack a nobleman is in violation of the knight's code. Dagr/Oswald: I couldn't agree with you more, Sire. He must be an example of. Arthur: Sir Oswald, please... Dagr/Oswald: Nothing less than his execution will give me satisfaction. Arthur: Father, I understand how this must look. It's an embarrassing situation. Sir Oswald is a dear friend and our guest here in Camelot. But Gwaine is my guest here too. He may not be of noble birth, but I can vouch that he has a noble heart. Uther: How can you say that when you see the way he behaves? Arthur: Gwaine risked his life to save mine. I beg you, please. If a knight's word is his bond, then I give you may word. Gwaine is a good man, he deserves clemency. Uther: You are banished from Camelot. If you ever return, you will pay for it with your life. You have until dawn to leave the city. [SCENE_BREAK] In a corridor Ebor/Ethan: That servant boy, he's on us. Dagr/Oswald: What's he going to do? We are knights, remember... You've seen what happened when a commoner accuses à knight. [SCENE_BREAK] Gaius's chamber Gwaine is packing. Merlin: I'm sorry. Gwaine: Don't be. I never stay in one place very long. People get sick of me too quickly. Merlin: I didn't... Gwaine: After the trouble I caused? Merlin: You livened this place up. Gwaine: Make sure you look after Arthur. He's in danger. Merlin: I thought you hated nobles? Gwaine: Yeah, well, maybe that one's worth dying for, eh? Gwaine leaves the room. [SCENE_BREAK] In the corridor Gwen: I heard what happened. Gwaine: Yeah... well there you go. Gwen: You did a brave thing. Gwaine: Hell of a lot of good that did me. Gwen: I know Arthur. He is not like Uther. You saved his life. I'm sure one day he'll repay you... Gwaine: He tried to speak up for me. Gwen: Arthur's fair. He's loyal. He will be a great king. I know he will. Gwaine: Clearly... If he makes everyone feeling the way you do. At least now I know why you turned me down. Gwen: It's not just me that says that. Gwaine: No, I'm sure it isn't. Let's hope he lives that long. [SCENE_BREAK] Gaius's chamber Merlin: I don't know what we do. Gaius: I could try to persuade Arthur to withdraw from the contest... Merlin: He won't, I know Arthur. I'll have to somehow... use my powers to defend him. Gaius: With the King and half of Camelot watching? Merlin: I don't have a choice. [SCENE_BREAK] Arthur's chamber Merlin is preparing Arthur's coat of mail. Uther comes in. Uther: Ah. I trust you're ready for the challenge. Arthur: Yes Father. Uther: I came to bring you this. I won my first melee with this blade. The edge has been dulled, it's perfectly safe. All of Camelot is eager for a victory today, Arthur. And I know you won't let me down. Uther leaves the room, Arthur is examining the blade. [SCENE_BREAK] Gwen looks worriedly out of the window at the people walking to the tournament grounds. People are gathering on the tournament ground, trumpets are playing. [SCENE_BREAK] Tournament tent Ebor/Ethan: Prince Arthur isn't going to know what's hit him. Dagr/Oswald: Oh, I hope he does. If it's over too quickly, that'll be no fun at all. Dagr/ Oswald: Ready? Ebor/Ethan: Absolutely. [SCENE_BREAK] Arthur's chamber Merlin: You know those moments when I tell you that something isn't a good idea... Arthur: Yeah. And then I ignore you. Merlin: And then I'm proved right. Arthur: Merlin your concern for my wellbeing is touching. Merlin: I'm serious, I think you should withdraw. Arthur: Look, I know you think the melee is some kind of stupid game. But it's more than that. It's about proving to the people that I'm fit to lead them. Merlin: I know. Just be careful. [SCENE_BREAK] Tournament field The crowd is cheering; Uther arrives, ready to watch the tournament. Everybody sit. Merlin and Gaius are in crowd, they look deeply concerned. The knights on their horses are ready. Uther gives the signal and the melee starts. The fight is violent, there are less and less knights remaining on the field. Merlin notices that a knight is heading toward Arthur, waving his sword. Merlin: He's heading straight for Arthur. Arthur ducks and the knight is thrown. The fight goes on. Merlin: Arthur's in trouble. Arthur is grabbed by a knight and thrown on the ground. He is about to get stabbed. He avoids the sword and starts fighting with this man. Another knight, still riding his horse, is about to attack Arthur. Gaius: You have to do something otherwise, Arthur will die! Merlin casts a spell and the girth of the saddle breaks. The knight is thrown. But he gets up and joins the fight. Merlin: It's two against one. A knight who was lying on the ground gets up and joins the melee, fighting back to back with Arthur. Merlin: Who's that helping Arthur. Gaius: I don't know, but I think we should be thankful he is. The new knight manages to disarm his adversary and catches his sword, a Stalorne blade. Merlin: There is only one person I know who can do that... The knight stabs his adversary with the Stalorne blade. The crowd gasps. The other knight knocks Arthur down and his about to kill him. Arthur's ally comes to rescue and stabs him, using the magical sword again. The crowd gasps, Uther and Morgana look shaken. Arthur and his mysterious ally are exhausted, out of breath. Arthur: You know they expect us to fight to the end now? Arthur removes his helmet. Arthur: You fought bravely, the field is yours. The knight sticks his sword in the ground and lifts his helmet, it's Gwaine. Arthur smiles. Arthur: I should have known. Nobody fights like you do. Uther looks furious. Uther: Guards! Seize him! [SCENE_BREAK] In a tournament tent Gaius is examining the bodies of the two deceased knights. Uther comes in. Uther: Is there nothing you can do for them? Gaius: I'm sorry it's too late for that. Arthur comes in, his arm is bleeding. Uther: The prisoner is responsible for their deaths. I want him executed immediately. Gaius: You might want to wait before you pass judgment... I fear that Sir Ethan and Sir Oswald are not all what they seem. Gaius tears the necklaces off the bodies. He then takes the helmets off to reveal the faces of Dagr and Ebor. Uther: Sorcery! Arthur: Then, once again, I owe Gwaine my life. Uther looks pretty upset. [SCENE_BREAK] In a corridor Gwaine is pacing up and down while Merlin is standing against the wall. Arthur: The king is prepared to overlook the fact that you fought in the melee. Merlin: That's fantastic! Gwaine: Thank you Arthur... Arthur: But... he's a stubborn man. He will not rescind his judgment. You must leave Camelot. Merlin: You've got to speak to him, Arthur. Make him change his mind. Gwaine: Merlin. Arthur: I'm sorry Gwaine. My father's wrong. If it were up to me... Gwaine: I know... you don't need to explain yourself. Arthur: You have until sunset. [SCENE_BREAK] Gaius's chamber Merlin: Where will you go? Gwaine: I was thinking Mercia. Merlin: It's dangerous. Gwaine: Yeah, and you get a lot of more ale for your money. I'm joking. Merlin: Why don't you tell the King who you really are? He'd grant you a pardon. You could stay in Camelot... Gwaine: I could never serve under a man like Uther. Merlin: And yet you helped Arthur. Gwaine: He stood up for me. Merlin: I knew he would. Gwaine: That showed he is indeed a noble man. Merlin: Then why don't you stay? You could be a knight like your father. You and Arthur, you fought well together. Gwaine: And maybe one day we will again. Gwaine leaves the room. [SCENE_BREAK] From the ramparts Gwaine walks down the street, he turns back and salutes Arthur and Merlin who are watching him. Arthur: It's a shame. He would have been a great knight. Merlin: Maybe one day he still will. Arthur: Rules won't allow it. Knights are noblemen, always have been, always will be. It's a tradition... Arthur notices Gwaine and Gwen laughing and chatting in the street. Arthur: They seem very friendly. Merlin: Why should you care? Arthur: I don't. She can do better than that. Merlin: She should be setting her sights higher? Oh! But I forget! She can't. A girl of Gwen's standing could never consort with a nobleman. That's the rules... Arthur: Merlin... Merlin: SHUT UP? Arthur: You guessed it. Gwen kisses Gwaine on the cheek, and they go on their separate ways. Arthur grabs Merlin by the shoulder and they go back to the castle, shoving each other.

Merlin and Arthur find themselves outnumbered in a bar fight but an enigmatic young man helps them win. The man's name is Gwaine and he risks his own life to protect Arthur but during his act of bravery he is seriously wounded. The Prince decides to take him back to Camelot where he could make a recovery with Gaius' help. Meanwhile, the two thugs they've defeated use sorcery to replace two knights and plot to murder the Prince during the tournament. Merlin finds out the sorcery they're using and foils their plans with Gwaine's help, but Uther exiles him from Camelot for impersonating a knight.

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_03x04

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_03x04_0

SCENE: Neverland. Present. Felix escorts the prisoner (Neal) through the jungle. [SCENE_BREAK] Felix: Feels like just yesterday I welcomed you to Neverland the first time, Baelfire. Gotta say, hoped I'd never see you again. Neal: Then maybe Pan shouldn't have taken my son. Felix: Maybe you should've left well enough alone. Neal: I'm gonna get him back. Felix: You really believe that? You were a lost boy. You know Peter Pan's not be to trifled with. You know how long he's been searching for the heart of the truest believer. Do you really believe he'll just... give him up? Neal: Maybe, if I ask nicely. (Chuckles) Felix: You may have grown up, Baelfire, but it would appear you have grown up stupid. Neal: I have grown up. I don't know if I'm stupid or not, but I do know I know how to tie an overhand knot. Felix: Uhh! (Panting) Neal: I'm not a boy anymore, Felix. I sure as hell ain't lost. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Before the first curse. Rumplestiltskin's hovel. [SCENE_BREAK] Rumplestiltskin: Bae. A present. Something to sharpen your coal with. Bae: Where did you get it? Rumplestiltskin: Oh, from a man who no longer needed it. Bae: You mean taken from a man who couldn't pay you. Rumplestiltskin: Bae... Bae: Papa, I told you, I don't want any more gifts from the people you terrorize. (Thud) Rumplestiltskin: Then what do you want? Tell me, son. What would make you happy? Bae: Leaving this place. I'm tired of staying in this hovel all the time. Rumplestiltskin: Well, that's easy to fix. How about a castle, huh? I could build you a palace so magnificent its shadow would blanket the countryside. Bae: That's not what I mean. I wanna go out, have friends, see the world beyond these four walls. Papa, why can't you just trust me to do that? Rumplestiltskin: I do trust you, Bae. It's... It's others that I can't. You see, I have many enemies beyond that door. And once you leave, any one of them could hurt you. Bae: You sure that's the only reason? Maybe what you're really worried about is if I leave, I might never come back. Rumplestiltskin: No, no. I... I... I'm worried about your safety. This is the best place for you. I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. Rumplestiltskin puts on war paint. [SCENE_BREAK] (Scraping) (Fire crackling) Belle: You always felt more comfortable behind a mask. Mr. Gold: You were the only one who could ever see past it, past the mask of the monster. Belle: Then why put it back on now? Mr. Gold: I need the monster, Belle. It's the only way I can save him. And that's what I've decided. I'm gonna save Henry. Belle: The prophecy states that Henry will be your undoing. To save him, you ensure your own death. Mr. Gold: You don't think I can do it? Belle: I think your intentions are good. But a lifetime of craven self-interest is a nasty habit that you've never been able to break. Mr. Gold: Things are different now. Belle: How? What... what's different? Mr. Gold: Because I have nothing to live for. Belle: What about me? Mr. Gold: You're not real. Just a vision. Belle: But I'm... I'm back in Storybrooke, waiting for you. Mr. Gold: You shouldn't be. When I said good-bye to you, Belle, we both know it was for good. Belle: Well, maybe I think you'll come back. Mr. Gold: Even if I did, eventually you'd leave me because you can see me for what I really am. You think you see a good man, but in time, you'd see the monster. My son is dead. The only way I can redeem myself is by saving his son and giving my life. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] Emma: This is where they're keeping Henry. Pan's compound. According to, uh... Tinkerbelle: Tinker Bell. Emma: Yes, I know. Still weird to say. Tinkerbelle: "Tink" is fine. Emma: Not sure that's any better. Anyway, she says that there are sentries positioned across the front, which is why we are gonna come in through the back entrance here. She's gonna talk her way in. Once she makes sure the coast is clear, then we are going to sneak on in. Tinkerbelle: You'll still have to deal with any lost boys once you're inside. Regina: I think we can handle a few children with pointy sticks. Tinkerbelle: It's not the sticks you need to worry about. It's the poison they're dipped in. Mary Margret: Dreamshade. Hook warned us. Tinkerbelle: Good. Because one nick, and you'll spend the last of... David: Poison sticks equal death. We got it. Now when can we put this rescue mission into action? Tinkerbelle: I'm ready to go, just as you tell me the exit plan. You do have an escape plan, don't you? Emma: It's... it's more of a last-minute trip. Tinkerbelle: If you don't have a way off this island, then none of this matters. Regina: We'll figure it out. Tinkerbelle: You'll figure it out? No one comes and goes from this place unless he allows it. This is a waste of time. David: Hey, when it comes to family, we always find a way. Tinkerbelle: You don't get it. Here. Let me show you something. You know what this is? Emma: Yeah, a watch. Tinkerbelle: I got it from the people who brought your son here for Pan. Emma: Greg and Tamara? Where are they? Why'd they give you that? Tinkerbelle: I got it off the girl's body. Spent half the night cleaning the blood off it. And the other guy... Well, there wasn't enough left of him to find anything useful. This is what Pan does to people he employs. What do you think he's gonna do to you? I'm not sticking my neck on Pan's chopping block without a way off this island. When you figure that out, you know where I live. Mary Margret: Where the hell is she going? David: I'll get her, bring her back. Emma: Don't. She's right. If there's one thing I've learned, you never break in somewhere unless you know the way out. Regina: And where'd you get that, in bail bondsperson school? Emma: Neal taught me that. David: What about you, Hook? You got off this island before. Hook: Yes, aboard my ship, which would require some form of magic to create a portal, which... I got from Pan in a deal I don't think he's ready to repeat. Regina: So no one's ever left the island without Pan's permission. Hook: One man. Her partner in crime Neal. Emma: How? Hook: Maybe we can find out. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] (Lost boys speaking indistinctly in distance) (Foliage rustles) Lost Boy: Stop by order of Pan! (Whoosh) (Grunts and groans) Mr. Gold: I don't take orders. (Rustling) (Grunts) (Whispers) Mr. Gold: Bae? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Gold: You're not real. You're dead. Neal: What? Of course I'm real. What the hell's going on?! Mr. Gold: You're a vision, just like Belle. Neal: No. No, hey. Listen to me. It's me. I was shot. Okay? But I survived. See? I'm alive. Mr. Gold: My son is dead! You're just here to remind me of my failure! Neal: That's not why I'm here. Mr. Gold: My weakness. Neal: Put the spear down. Mr. Gold: You're here to question my resolve. But you won't succeed. I will sacrifice my life for Henry. And nothing will stand in my way! Neal: (Whispers) Please, papa. (Gasps) (Whispering) Mr. Gold: Bae? Is that really you? (Whispers) Neal: Yeah. (Spear thuds) Mr. Gold: I thought I'd lost you forever. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Before the first curse. Rumplestiltskin's hovel. [SCENE_BREAK] Rumplestiltskin: I was thinking... Only a king should live in a castle. So why don't you try this on for size? Bae? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Before the first curse. The village of Hamelin. [SCENE_BREAK] Man: All right, now listen. We'll start organizing search parties right away. Rumplestiltskin: You think you can hide him from me? (Woman gasps) Rumplestiltskin: Where is he? Where's my son?! (Murmuring) Man: He's not here, Dark One. I swear! Rumplestiltskin: Don't lie to me! Magic has led me to this rathole of a town! His trail ends here, in Hamelin. I know you're hiding him from me. Man: No. No, we're not. Many of our children went missing last night, lured from their beds by some unholy music. Rumplestiltskin: What kind of music? Man: From the Piper. Only the children could hear it. Some of them tried telling their parents, but no one believed them. They were sent back to bed. And this morning, they were gone. Rumplestiltskin: And who was playing it? Man: No one saw his face. O... only a figure hidden by a pied cloak of multicolor patches, leading the children from their homes and into the forest. Don't you see? It... It has to be the same man that has taken your son. Rumplestiltskin: Then whoever this Pied Piper is, he's about to play his late note. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Gold: How is it possible? Neal: It's kind of a long story. Let's just say that the debt Robin Hood owes you has been paid. Mr. Gold: You were back in our land? Neal: Yeah, but I made it here. The only thing that matters now is that I help Emma save Henry. Where is she? Mr. Gold: I left her and the rest of them aboard Hook's ship. As noble as their intentions may be, they don't have the stomach to do what needs to be done. Neal: Like what you did to these boys? They're not, uh... Mr. Gold: No, they're just sleeping. For now. Neal: Let's leave it that way, okay? Mr. Gold: You don't have the stomach either. Neal: I'll do what needs to be done. But killing lost boys? We don't have to do that. Mr. Gold: We shall see. Neal: So I take it you have a plan? The whole "sacrifice your life" thing was just you being dramatic. Mr. Gold: Well, it's the only way. Pan's too powerful. You can only beat him if you're willing to die, which I am. Neal: What if I told you there was another way? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Gold: So what exactly is your plan? Neal: You know how if you hold a shell up to your ear you can hear the ocean? Certain shells, the ocean can hear you. (Plays conch) Mr. Gold: Why would we need the ocean to hear us? (Note continues) Mr. Gold: What have you done? Neal: Give me the spear. (Squid growling) (Grunts) (Squish) (Roars) (Both grunting) Mr. Gold: A squid? Neal: That's right. I believe you know how to extract ink from one of these bad boys. Mr. Gold: Squid ink. So this is your plan? Neal: It can immobilize the most magical of creatures. At least for a little while... (Water lapping) Neal: Even Pan. Mr. Gold: I have some experience with it. Neal: Can you get it out? Mr. Gold: Indeed. But how do you plan on getting close enough to use it? (Sighs) Neal: I don't need to get close. All I need is one clean shot to get Henry back. Mr. Gold: Well, leave that to me. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] Regina: What is this supposed to be? Emma: So... what, Neal swung out of Neverland on a vine? Hook: Well, if someone would be kind enough to lend me a hand... What do you say, savior? David: I'll do it. (Lowered voice) Hook: You don't look so hot, mate. (Lowered voice) David: It's a hundred degrees in this damn jungle. And I'm plenty hot. (Stone scraping) Hook: Ladies first. David: How much longer do you think you can keep up this charade? Don't you think your family deserves to know you're gonna die? David: What do you care? Hook: Why don't you? David: What is the good in telling them when there is nothing I can do to stop the poison, when there is no hope? Hook: Well, if there's one thing I've gleaned from you hero types, it's that there's always hope. David: Is there something you're not telling me, mate? Hook: Alas, hope and reality are most often worlds apart. I told you the truth. You'll never make it off this island alive. David: Well... Then this is between us. The only thing they need to worry about saving is Henry. Emma: Hook! What is this place? What are we doing here? Emma: Neal. This is where he lived. Hook: Aye. (Sets down flint) Hook: Baelfire spent some time in Neverland as a boy. This was his home. Snow: So you think he may have left a clue as to how he escaped from here? Hook: Well, let's hope so, or we'll be lost just like he was. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Before the first curse. [SCENE_BREAK] (Pipe in distance playing melody) (Pipe continues playing) (Boys whooping and laughing, drums playing tribal beat) (Whooping and music continue) Rumplestiltskin: Bae! (Whooping continues) (Pipe playing) (Whooping and music continue) Rumplestiltskin: Bae! [SCENE_BREAK] (Whoosh) Rumplestiltskin: Where is my son, Piper? Pan: Is that what they're calling me? We both know who I really am. Been a long time, laddie. Glad you could make the show. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Before the first curse. [SCENE_BREAK] Pan: You surprised to see me, Rumple? I don't blame you. I'm a little surprised myself. Look who's all grown up and become The Dark One! Good for you. Rumplestiltskin: What are you doing here? Pan: It's lonely in Neverland. The only friends I have are the children who visit in their dreams. But they can't stay. The boys I take back with me will. Rumplestiltskin: You're here for my son. Pan: I am. Rumplestiltskin: It's gonna take a lot more than a magic pipe to take my son. Pan: The only thing magic about this pipe is that only certain boys can hear it... boys who feel unloved, boys who feel lost. I guess that's why you can hear it, Rumple. Isn't it? Rumplestiltskin: Don't pretend to know me. You don't. Not anymore. Pan: Oh, I think I do. Beneath all that power, you're nothing more than an unloved, lonely, lost boy. Hey, I like the sound of that. That's what I'll call my new group of friends. The lost boys. It has a nice ring, don't you think? Rumplestiltskin: You can call them whatever you like. Baelfire will not be part of it. Pan: Oh, he's already a part of it. The question is, what are you willing to do to get him back? Rumplestiltskin: I'm gonna make you regret ever asking that question. Pan: Oh, I understand you're upset. Most parents' worst fear is that their child will be taken away from them. But that's not yours, is it, Rumple? No. You're not afraid Baelfire will be taken from you. You're afraid he'll leave. After all, being abandoned is what you're good at, isn't it? Everyone you've ever known has left, haven't they? Like Bae's mother Milah. Not to mention your own father. Why should Baelfire be any different? Rumplestiltskin: You're wrong. Pan: Am I? Well, let's find out, shall we? You ask Baelfire if he wants to come to Neverland with me or stay here with you. If he wants to stay, I'll leave and never return. Deal? Rumplestiltskin: I don't have to make any deals with you. Pan: But why wouldn't you, if you're so sure he'll stay? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] (Lost boys whooping, drums playing tribal beat) Pan: You don't want to join in the celebration, Henry? Henry: Nothing to celebrate. Pan: Nothing to celebrate? (Chuckles) Pan: Henry, this whole party is to celebrate you. Henry: Me? Why? Pan: Because you've come to save magic, of course. And I, for one, can't think of a reason more deserving of celebration than that. Just look at them. Henry: I'm not like them. Or you. Pan: Sure you are. You're still a boy. Maybe a song will get you on your feet. (Blows air) Henry: Sorry. I... I don't hear anything. Pan: Interesting. You see, this pipe's enchanted, Henry. It can only be heard by certain children. Henry: Like who? Pan: You'll find out soon enough, I promise. Pan: What? I know that look. What happened? Felix: Baelfire. I'm afraid he got away. Pan: Well, then why didn't you get him back? Felix: I tried. I followed his trail and found two of our sentries knocked out... By a sleeping spell. Pan: The Dark One. So father and son have been reunited. Felix: They'll be coming for the boy. We should move him somewhere safe. Pan: Now, now, Felix. Where's your sense of adventure? We can't end the party when the real fun is about to begin. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] Hook: Anything important? Emma: I can't tell yet. I didn't know he liked drawing. Hook: He got it from his mother. Emma: I'm hoping Neal left something useful in the details of one of these. Maybe a map? Some kind of clue. Hand me that candle. What about you? Any luck? Hook: No potted bean plant or swirling vortex under the rug, if that's what you mean. There may be no rug at all. There are other drawings on the far wall, but as far as I can tell, that's all they are. Probably just a way to pass the time and keep occupied. Emma: You knew him pretty well, didn't you? Hook: We spent some time together. You all right there, Swan? Emma: I'm fine. Looks like you're right. They're just a bunch of pictures. What's all this? Mary Margret: Uh, just some cups and bowls he fashioned from things he found here. David: Don't know how great a cup this coconut could make. It's filled with holes. Mary Margret: Uh, maybe it's a tiny colander. Regina: Yes, because preteen Baelfire probably made lots of pasta. Emma: Hold on. Hook, snuff out that torch. Regina: Am I supposed to be impressed that he made a night-light? Emma: Look up. Mary Margret: Stars. Hook: It's a map. David: To where? Emma: Home. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. Pan's camp. [SCENE_BREAK] (Lost boys yipping and grunting) (Wind blowing) Pan: We have a guest! No doubt someone who knows how much I like guessing games. Who could it be? I guess... (Fire whooshes) Pan: The Dark One. Come to save Henry, have you, laddie? (Whispers) Pan: How exciting. The Dark One ready to sacrifice his life for his family. Speaking of family... (Fire whooshes) Pan: You can come out now, Baelfire. Neal: Name's Neal now. Pan: New name, but the same old tricks. It's heartwarming to see father and son working together, especially after you abandoned him, Rumple. This is a real family reunion. Mr. Gold: What are you waiting for? Neal: I got this. (Whoosh) (Panting) Pan: Clever. But we've been through this before, Baelfire. Have you remembered nothing? Neal: I remember plenty. (Arrow clatters) Neal: That's why I didn't coat the tip. (Whooshing) Mr. Gold: Grab Henry. Pan: Well, how about that? I'm impressed. But are you sure you're really saving him, Bae? Neal: What could be worse than leaving him here with you? Pan: Why don't you ask your father? Sometimes the people we should fear the most are the ones closest to us. Neal: W... what's he talking about? Mr. Gold: Don't listen to him. Pan: You mean you haven't told him? Neal: Told me what? Pan: Why, about the prophecy, of course. Neal: What prophecy? What's he mean? Pan: The prophecy that says you've been tricked. Your father isn't here to rescue your son. He's here to murder him. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] Neal: What the hell was he talking about? Mr. Gold: Oh, don't mind him. Neal: He said you were gonna murder Henry! Mr. Gold: He plays games. Mind games. The important thing is we got the boy and we got away. Neal: Where are we? Mr. Gold: The other side of the island. We're safe here for the time being. Neal: Hey. Hey, Henry. It's me. Hey, it's your dad. Mr. Gold: No, he... he can't hear you. Neal: Then wake him up. Mr. Gold: Pulling him out of the spell could be dangerous. He'll wake naturally in a few hours. He'll be fine. Neal: All right. Then you can explain to me what the hell Pan meant. This prophecy that he's talking about, why would he say that you'd kill Henry? Mr. Gold: Oh, I don't know, to create a wedge between us. Neal: That's not a denial. (Sighs) Neal: No, this has to do with what happened when I found you. You thought I was a hallucination. You said that you had to do the right thing and save Henry! What did that really mean? Mr. Gold: Baelfire... Neal: it's Neal! Now stop dodging and tell me what's going on! Mr. Gold: There was a seer, and she told me of a prophecy... that boy would help reunite me with you. And that boy... Would be my undoing. Neal: Henry. Mr. Gold: I didn't know it was gonna be my own grandson, till I found you in New York and discovered you were his father. Neal: You were planning on getting rid of him, whoever he was, weren't you? To try and cheat fate? To get around the prophecy? You cold-blooded son of a bitch. You were gonna kill him. Mr. Gold: Yes. Neal: Get back. You stay away from him! Mr. Gold: That was then. Things have changed. I... I didn't come here to Neverland to hurt Henry. I came here to save him. Neal: After what you just told me, I'm supposed to believe you?! Mr. Gold: I won't lie to you, Bae. Self-preservation has been a nasty habit I've had my whole life, but I came here to break it, to do the right thing and to save your son. Even if that meant sacrificing my own life. Mr. Gold: (Whispers) You have to trust me. Neal: (Whispers) How can I? [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The Enchanted Forest. Before the first curse. [SCENE_BREAK] (Drums playing) (Boys whooping) Pan: You don't even recognize him, do you, Rumple? Rumplestiltskin: Well, how could I when he's wearing a mask? Pan: Well, he might be wearing a mask, but that's not the reason. Look at him... Playing with to boys, out in the world. He's happy, Rumple. That's why you don't recognize him. Rumplestiltskin: Bae. (Panting) Rumplestiltskin: Baelfire. Are you all right? Bae: I'm fine. Why are you here? Rumplestiltskin: I know you think I don't care about you, son, but I do. And I'm here to prove it. Bae: How? Pan: Go ahead, Rumple. Bae: Papa! What are you doing?! Rumplestiltskin: I'm protecting you. (Whoosh) Pan: You're gonna regret not taking my deal, Rumple! (Whoosh) Bae: Don't touch me! Get away! Rumplestiltskin: It's all right now, Bae. You're safe. Bae: Safe? I was never in danger. The Piper was my friend! Rumplestiltskin: He may have wanted you to think that. But you have to believe me. He would've hurt you. Bae: Why? Who is he? Another person that you abused with your power? Rumplestiltskin: His name is Peter Pan. I've known him since I was a boy. Growing up, we were incredibly close. Bae: So you're saying he's immortal, too. Rumplestiltskin: He wasn't always. He went to a place called Neverland. He betrayed me, Bae. He can't be trusted. Bae: What happened? Rumplestiltskin: All that matters is that he fooled me for a long time before I'd finally seen his true nature, and it is darker and more repulsive than you should ever be exposed to! Bae: He can't be any worse than you. Rumplestiltskin: I had to protect you, Bae. I didn't have a choice. Bae: Stop lying because I know that you did! I know about the deal Pan offered you. He said all you had to do was ask me if I wanted to come home. Rumplestiltskin: (Whispers) He told you? Bae: He said that way I'd know if you really trusted me, if you really cared. Rumplestiltskin: Oh, please, Bae. Bae: You didn't need to. I would've chosen to come home. I would've chosen you! If only you asked. Maybe we could've found a way to be a family again. Rumplestiltskin: We can be. Bae. Bae! [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Gold: Tell me what I have to do to gain your trust, and I will. Neal: Give me The Dark One dagger. I know you. I know you wouldn't come all the way to Neverland without it. It's the only thing that can control you. It's the only thing that could stop you. You wouldn't take any chances with it. Mr. Gold: I don't have it. Neal: Why you lying? Mr. Gold: I'm not lying to you, Bae. I hid it so Pan couldn't get it, so he couldn't stop me. Neal: So un-hide it! Mr. Gold: My shadow took it. (Laughs) Neal: Your shadow. Man, you got an answer for everything, don't you? Mr. Gold: I'm telling you the truth, I swear. Neal: You know, maybe you did hide it. Maybe you do want to do the right thing. But that's today. What about tomorrow? Mr. Gold: I've changed. Neal: Have you? Mr. Gold: Yes. Neal: The prophecy still stands. You save him, he's still your undoing. Mr. Gold: I'm still willing to die for him. Neal: What happens if we get back, and you're reunited with Belle, and you realize that the only thing standing between you and your happy ending is my son? And suddenly, "undoing" doesn't sound so great. Mr. Gold: You're my happy ending. This is, because it's my redemption. I can be strong, son, if you have faith in me. (Lowered voice) Neal: You know, when I was living here and sleeping in a cave, I used to dream of you coming to rescue me. But then I'd wake up and remember how you left me behind. You left your own son behind for the power of that dagger. How can I think that things would ever be any different? (Whooshing) Mr. Gold: Neal. What are you doing? Neal: I'm gonna find Emma and the others and get the hell off this island. Then I'm gonna get my family back home. Mr. Gold: You can't go into the jungle alone. Without my power to protect you, Pan will capture you both! Neal: I'm sorry, I got no choice. We're safer without you. Good-bye, papa. (Crying) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] Mary Margret: How can you be so sure it's a map? Hook: There was a short time in Neverland when Baelfire was aboard my ship. I taught him to navigate using the stars. What you're looking at is the fruit of my labors. Regina: Then you can read it. Hook: Sadly, no. David: I thought you just said you taught him how. Hook: Yes, but I also taught Neal something else. The key to being a pirate... secrecy. The best captains conceal their maps in a code. He was an apt pupil. Mary Margret: So you're saying the only person who can read this map is Neal? Emma: Which means the only person who can read it is dead. David: Emma, wait! Emma: Now is not the time. Mary Margret: I can't imagine even imagine the sadness you must be feeling. Emma: I'm not sad. I'm pissed. Yes, Neal just died, but I lost him years ago. (Voice breaking) Emma: All that time thinking that he didn't love me, only to find out that he did, and it was too late. I can't even tell him how angry that makes me, or how much it hurt when he left, or how terrified I was when he came back, because... I knew the moment I saw him, I never... I never stopped loving him. David: She'll be okay. Mary Margret: Really? David: We have done everything we can. Mary Margret: But that's the problem. (Voice breaking) Mary Margret: I have no idea how to comfort my own daughter. It is the first thing a mother learns, and I don't know how. David: I know. I feel the same way. But she is so upset, we have to get... Mary Margret: How can we even blame her? If you died, I would not be able to move on. David: You must. (Stammers) David: I'm just saying. Every day we're here, something bad could happen. And if it did to me, I'd want you to move on, to continue, to be happy. (Whispers) Mary Margret: That's really sweet, but nothing is going to happen to you, not while I'm here. (Sighs) [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] Neal: Emma. Pan: You were so close to finding her. You disappoint me. I thought I taught you better. Never break in somewhere unless you know the way out. Neal: I'll remember that for next time. Pan: Well, there isn't going to be a next time. But don't blame yourself. Your father could have protected you out here, sure. But then who would've protected Henry from him? Talk about a rock and a hard place. Neal: I will get my son back, no matter what it takes. Pan: You're not getting it. That's not the problem. You got him. I got him back. It's the game. No, my boy, the real problem for you is that there is no escaping Neverland. No one gets off this island without my permission. Neal: I've done it before. Pan: Did you? Look where you are now. It's like you never left. Neal: You saying you let me go? Pan: I'm saying everyone's where I want them. (Henry groans) Pan: Something to chew on. You know where to take him. Neal: No! Henry! Pan: Oh, don't worry. It won't be for very long. Neal: I'm alive! Pan: Just until I reset the board. See, the game is about to change. Neal: Don't give up hope, Henry! I will come for you! I promise! [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. [SCENE_BREAK] (Whoosh) (Sighs deeply) Belle: I'm so sorry, Rumple. Neal should have trusted you. Mr. Gold: How could he? After everything I've done? Belle: Well... He may not know what was in your heart, but I do. You would've protected Henry. You would've even given your own life to show Neal that you've changed. Mr. Gold: Are you asking me, or do you truly believe that? Belle: I know it with all my heart. What I don't know is why you look so upset now. I mean, Rumple, he's alive. Baelfire. You have something to live for. Mr. Gold: But the prophecy remains. Henry's still my undoing. Belle: That's why you're upset. You were so determined to die for the boy, but now? Having something to live for has brought back that nasty habit of self-preservation, hasn't it? Rumple... Habits can be broken, can't they? Mr. Gold: Go away, Belle. I don't want to talk right now. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Neverland. Present. Pan's camp. [SCENE_BREAK] (Drums continue playing) (Lost boys whooping) (Groans) Henry: What happened? Pan: Oh, you fell asleep. Henry: I did? Pan: No, don't worry. It was just a little catnap. The night's still young. (Whooping continues) Henry: Wait. I... I remember something. My dad... When I was asleep, I... I could've sworn I heard him calling for me. Pan: Really? Henry: It must've been a dream. Pan: Well, how can you be sure? Henry: Because... 'Cause my dad's dead. Pan: I'm sorry, Henry. It makes sense for us to dream about the things we've lost and the things we hoped for, like your father being alive and your mother coming to find you. But eventually, you'll find new things to dream about. And when you do, they'll start to come true. Henry: How do you know? Pan: Because that's what I did. And now you're here. Neverland used to be a place where new dreams were born. You can bring that magic back, Henry. And we can be your family. I'd like to play a song, a song for our guest of honor... Henry. (Playing melody) [SCENE_BREAK] (Whooping continues) Pan: (Voice echoes) You can hear the music now, can't you, Henry? Henry: (Voice echoes) Yeah! (Lost boys yipping and whooping, voices echoing)

Neal teams up with his father to find a way to retrieve Henry in the jungle, whilst also managing to settle their mistakes. But with Gold's constant struggle with his theories of the prophecy, Neal becomes suspicious of his father's true intentions. Elsewhere in the jungle, Emma and the group find an item of Neal's that could prove useful in finding an escape off of the island. Back in the Enchanted Forest that was, Bae disappears from Rumplestiltskin's strong view, leading him to the town of Hamelin where children are being reported missing by effect of a mysterious tune.

fd_The_Grand_Tour_01x08

fd_The_Grand_Tour_01x08_0

Since you're in beach buggies, you will now drive to the beach at the northernmost point of Namibia, where it meets Angola. It's 1.000 miles away. Richard: We have got to find this road. This is not gonna be too clever in the dark. Listen. I shall find the Southern Cross. Richard: Oh, this is a bad idea! We are now trusting our lives to an orangutang who thinks he's Patrick Moore. James: 24 hours of cold, misery, to achieve exactly nothing. I mean, it is exactly nothing. Richard: Oh, it's coming in! (JEREMY YELLS) This is the best desert I've ever been to. Holy sh1t! Richard: Oh! (YELLS) Jeremy: What it actually is is a big, orange killing engine. Jesus! (LAUGHS) Richard: (LAUGHS) Oh, my God! Please make it! Please! Just need to find a road now. This is not funny any more. I don't want another night in the desert. Oh, my God. I could go east, I could go west. Richard: Whichever way you go, it goes somewhere. Yes! It is the road to freedom. (THUD) What the hell was that? What I'm driving here, or attempting to drive, is Apollo 13. Jeremy: It was morning by the time I nursed my wounded car into Windhoek, and my well-rested colleagues were full of admiration for how I'd pulled off such a feat. Is that the first thing you thought of? What? Tear a hole in it. What's that gonna do? I needed to get to the bleed valve on the radiator, which is there. Is it? And, to make life doubly difficult... I trod on my spectacles. (RICHARD LAUGHS) That is tragic, trying to fix it with one lens. I was trying to fix it. And the only eye I can close is this eye. You can't close your left eye? I can't close my left eye. Why didn't you put them on upside down? You'd have the lens over the other eye. That is logic there. Oh, yeah. (LAUGHS) Come on, let's go. We've got a lot to do. Jeremy: No! The one thing we have established now is that, with the exception of Windhoek, which is the capital, Namibia is a tough and arduous place. Yeah. Have you bought maps? No. Have you got tenting equipment of any sort? Have you got somewhere to sleep other than the desert floor? No. So why don't we, today, get prepared for the next leg of the - big leg of the journey? That is a good idea. We'll do that. That's not a bad idea. We'll grant ourselves a day of... shopping. Mm. First of all, would you permit me to chisel some of the cheddar that has grown in my underpants away? Well, not here. Jeremy: Having de-cheesed my body parts, we headed out to get the necessary supplies. Richard: The thing is, if we go mesh, it'll keep the sun off but it won't keep the light out. That will wake us up early. That's 1.5 kilograms. But- Hammond, the first thing you need to know before we start shopping in here is James and I are in charge. Richard: Well... James: Sorry, he's right. No, you're not. You don't know anything about camping. James, Jeremy: Exactly. How does that make you in charge? Because we know it's all terrible. If we leave it to you, we'll all end up sleeping in small green triangles. The camping you know about is in the Lake District, where you deliberately make yourself miserable. I'm sorry, he's right. It is possible, I think, with a bit of ingenuity and money, to make tenting bearable. Jeremy: Richard Baden-Hammond disagreed, so we went our separate ways. Correct, incorrect. Exactly. Do you agree? But I'd go even more correct. Oh, yes! Perfect. Roll it out on the desert floor... you're home. Oh, James! Le Creuset! See, Hammond would hate this, because this weighs more than a tent. Which it does, actually. A lot more. And it weighs more because it is a quality item. Exactly. Pocket trowel. Pocket soap. Here we go. Pasta spoon. Yeah, good idea. I find that bottle opener a bit... lightweight. Yeah, more expensive is what we're looking for. You see, look at this, James. This is the sort of thing Hammond would think is a chair. Ooh! That's all you need. That's your whole... stove. That's it. Is it gas? It is, isn't it? I presume so. For two, you could get a small chicken in there, or... a pheasant. We're getting there now. So that folds down to that. Yeah. Jeremy: The next morning, we headed out once more, with the camping gear James and I had bought bringing up the rear. And besides stocking up with essentials, Hammond and I had used our day off in Windhoek to modify our cars. To solve my overheating problems, I've fitted a ram-air scoop, which shovels refreshing, cooling air into the radiator as I go along. And, as you may have noticed, I've fitted a spoiler. My only complaint, really, about my beach buggy was its lack of performance in third and fourth gears. Couldn't up power from the engine and I don't want to stress it, so I could lighten it. I've stripped away the superstructure here and the passenger seat, anything spare. That means this car is 30-40 kilos lighter than it was before. Jeremy, why has your car sprouted a green moustache? Jeremy: Well, it's a spoiler for added downforce at the front end, which you need in a rear-engine vehicle. This thing will be unbelievable through the corners now, it really will. Like a 911. And I tell you what, even with your new lightweight buggy, you're no match for what I've got here this morning. Yeah, I'm sorry, mate. This is quicker. It is not. It is. Right, Richard Hammond, I challenge you to a race. OK, you're on. Idiot. Jeremy: We shall find a race track and we shall do racing. Well, you carry on. I'm not doing any racing. That's utterly pointless. Jeremy: On the outskirts of the city, we found a rather excellent circuit where we could do timed laps, and James could try out his new vacuum cleaner. (VACUUM WHIRS) James: Oh, yes. Are you ready? No. Why not? Temperatures and pressures. This is a racing machine. Look at it. It's a plastic beach buggy parked near a V8. With aero. Really? In... (REVVING) ...three, two, one, go! (REVVING STOPS) Yeah, I'm gonna do it in gear. Give it a shot. I'm gonna try that. In- No! Throttle's jammed. Yes. (STAMMERS) Jammed. In- No! You can keep saying "in" till the cows come home. The throttle... (VACUUMING, JAMES HUMS TUNES) (REVVING) Three, two, one, begin! (BOTH YELL) Why... Why have you stopped? Ah. Well, erm... (ENGINE STOPS) The throttle may have gone a bit open. (IGNITION FAILS) Yeah. My throttle is totally broken. Anyway, Hammond... Yeah? Any car which can wheelie off the line... is going to be able to beat yours, and would have done. So... Sorry. You're saying because your car started, well, 50 yards away over there, wheelied, was uncontrollable, slammed back down and broke itself, it's the best on the track? Jeremy: Yes. Well, much learned. Really useful. Glad we did it. Richard: With Jeremy's endlessly troublesome car fixed again, we scooped up James' Dyson and continued northwards towards the finish line at the border with Angola. The going was smooth and easy and eerily quiet, which begged a question. Now, apparently, Namibia is the most dangerous place in the world to drive. There are more accidents per head then anywhere else, and car accidents are the first and most common cause of death in young adults. How? How can that be so? I mean... the place is empty. In Britain, there are 250-260 people for every square kilometre. Here... it's two. Two! This makes the Australian outback look like Monaco. Monkey! Monkey! Huge anus! Did you see that thing's anus? James: I, however, was not thinking about population statistics or monkeys' bottoms. I was just happy to be on a smooth surface in a car that wasn't filled with dust. I shall relax... with the lovely view. Sadly, though, a few miles later... (RATTLING) Ow! Ow! Oh, my nuts! Ow! (GROANS) Stop it! Ow! Ow! Agh! James May? Yes, I can hear you, but it's very uncomfortable and my car has... has cut out. James: Ow! Jeremy: Mercifully for James, we eventually arrived at a game reserve, which we decided would be an ideal place to set up camp for the night. (UNZIPPING) Richard: Right. (CHUCKLES) That's what we need. Jeremy: As Hammond built his canvas hovel... James and I were looking forward to a more civilised evening in the tents we'd bought, and which had been erected by the butler we'd also bought. James: Thank you, Giovanni. Tuck your shirt in, man! It's not a bloody caravan site. Erm... I'm just thinking, dinner. Mm. Do you mind if I get changed? No, exactly. I'm gonna have a shower. Mm. Or I may have a bath, actually. Why not? Giovanni, could you run the baths? Jeremy: Apparently, this place has got oysters. Really? Here? Yeah. I know, it's extraordinary. Who knew? Are you coming for some dinner? Richard: What do you mean, "Coming for dinner"? I'm cooking here. There's a restaurant just down there. A restaurant? Yeah, just down there. I don't want to go. I'm cooking this. I'm doing it properly, camping. Well, come and- I'll join you after dinner. Jeremy: Whatever. James: He's such a peasant, isn't he? Jeremy: It's just unbelievable. (METALLIC CLANGING) Jeremy: That evening in the restaurant, Hammond never did join us. But James and I were not short of company. Oh, look, there's rhinos! There's actual rhinos! And they've been dehorned. They've had to take its horn out to stop poachers shooting it. But you know what the poachers are doing? They shoot the dehorned ones, because if they track for a couple of days, a rhino, and then it's got no horn, they shoot it, and then they'll never track it again, so it saves time. Do you know how much you get for a rhino horn now? On the... On the market? Yeah, in Vietnam. I'm guessing it's a lot. [SCENE_BREAK] So that's more expensive than gold. Good God. Even the nub that's left that he's got is still worth, I don't know, thousands of dollars. I was gonna say, no matter how carefully you dehorn it, there's still horn going down into its nose. Jeremy: That's such a tragedy, that, you know. James: Yeah. I want to do something about this while we're here. I'm sure we could come up with something. I'm sure we could. [SCENE_BREAK] Richard: The next morning, I woke to find I'd been recruited into the Clarkson and May Rhino Protection Squad. They were even convinced that our beach buggies would be ideal for tracking the poachers. I can't deny, they do have a point about the whole rhino thing. It is ridiculous. Two rhinos killed every day in Africa by poachers, and then sold to a market that believes it's a cure for cancer, impotence, even hangovers. But are we necessarily the right men to tackle it head-on in the field? Ow! (YELLS) Wouldn't we be better just popping a 㱠coin in a jar and letting somebody who knows what they're doing solve it? Well, I've got a tranquilizer gun from the place where we were last night, but... I can't see anyone to shoot. Jeremy: Figuring that the poachers probably didn't use the main road, we went off to look in the bush. James: What about over there? Richard: No poachers. Tyre marks. It may be some poacher. Oh, no, wait. BF Goodriches. This is James May. Richard: Just so you know, this is stupid. Jeremy: What's stupid? Richard: How would you recognise a poacher when you saw one? And when you find one, what are you gonna do? Shoot him. All we're doing on our journey is driving three beach buggies to the Angolan border. Yeah. Which doesn't further the cause of humanity. James: Exactly. Richard: And this does, does it? We've got a day, Hammond. Give us 24 hours. 24 hours. Then, I promise, we'll get back on the road. Jeremy: Once our sceptical colleague had agreed, I decided to change tack, abandon the cars and search from the air, using some beach-front parasailing equipment. Jeremy? Yes? If we don't make it, please know that I hate you. There's not a breath of wind, so don't be stupid. Oh, my parachute's been... Oh, hello! Richard: Goodbye. (JEREMY YELLS) Richard: sh1t! Richard: That's not worked at all. Jeremy: OK. Right, I'm not gonna do that. Clearly, my solution was too dangerous for us, so we sent Giovanni up instead. (FAINT YELLING) Look, he's going over there. He's gonna crash and die. No, he's been blown a bit sideways but- - And downwards. (YELLING CONTINUES) He didn't sign up for this, did he? Jeremy: Giovanni failed to spot any poachers, so we told him to stop messing about and get back to camp to pour some drinks, whilst we had a rethink. Everything we've tried has gone wrong. So let's accept it now and move on. We can go. No. I think the poachers only go out at night. Oh, for God's sake. We'll let the sun set, get some tactical kit. Rifles. Come on, Hammond. You gave us 24 hours before you took our guns and badges. James: He did. Richard: OK. I think a couple more beers, head out there. I agree. Let it get dark. Be patient. Jeremy: Yes. Hunters are patient, aren't they? Exactly. Jeremy: Once darkness had fallen, we got kitted out with tranquilizer guns and tactical kit and headed back into the bush with a very unsure Richard in tow. I mean, I'd like to stop poachers, but out here at night, what is the poacher-to-lion ratio? What am I more likely to find? Jeremy: What you have to do is look for rhino tracks, cos that's what the poachers will be following. Literally the most manly thing I've ever done. (IN AMERICAN ACCENT) Grand Tour for men, splashing all over. (GUN FIRES) Richard: Ow! Jeremy: Bloody hell! Richard: You stupid bastards! Someone's shot me! Richard: Hammond? Hammond? Hammond? James: Clarkson, you moron. Jeremy: Hammond? Right, well, I have to be honest, yesterday was a total waste of time. We achieved nothing. All we did achieve was we seem to have wounded Mr Hammond, who er... well, we couldn't wake him up this morning at all. And because we needed to get going, we've a long way to go, we've had to improvise. (HELICOPTER WHIRS) Aaargh! What the (BLEEP)? What the (BLEEP) is this? You bastards! (YELLS) Jeremy: Back on the ground, James and I had our own problems. (RATTLING) Oh, God! Ow! Ow! This is very good for the gravel rash that I got... during my parachute accident yesterday. Oh, that hurts. What we could really do with is a rain shower to dampen this dust down. James: I think it's unlikely. Yeah, there's no evidence that rain is on its way, I would say. Jeremy: Soon, word came over the radio that Hammond was on his way to rejoin us... and that he wasn't in the best of moods. What was that? (GRUNTS) What was that about? We didn't want to leave you behind. You wouldn't wake up. No, obviously, you didn't want to leave me behind, so you did the logical thing, which is suspend me from a helicopter whilst asleep. Yes. Most people would arrive at the same conclusion. No, you didn't! You were having a laugh! Do you realise how rough the first road was that you haven't had to drive on? And you got a helicopter ride, which we haven't had. You wouldn't be laughing and sniggering so much if I'd fallen out of that thing, as I could have done. Well, it wouldn't be funny. No, it just wouldn't be interesting. (JEREMY SNIGGERS) Jeremy: With the rhino fiasco behind us, we got back to the job in hand... which was to reach the Angolan border, and therefore prove that beach buggies are brilliant go-anywhere machines and not just frivolous toys. Today, however, that theory would be seriously tested. Oh, for God's sake! (GROANS) (GROANS) Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Christ on a bike! I hate to admit this, but I'm jealous of Hammond. I wish I'd fitted that suspension on my car. How is this car gonna stand up to this punishment all day? Well, since it had been designed by me and made from 40-year-old components, the answer was depressingly predictable. The alternator, as you can see, has come off its hinge. The bolt's supposed to go in there and it's just come off. And the bolt, well, that's somewhere back there, 100 miles. So, my alternator is now held on with a screwdriver that I've hammered into place. And we're running well. Oh. I don't know what I'm gonna do about it, but I don't have a fan belt on there. I've got a problem. (SIGHS) Another five miles, another fan belt. I'm gonna need a pair of tights. And it wasn't just me. I've been through all of that, all of that, the ignition cut-out switch. I've got some weird gremlin. Jeremy: This road is just shaking these cars to pieces. James: Naturally, Jeremy decided that the only way of keeping his car in one piece was to drive very quickly. My optimum speed is 2.800 rpm, that being my only dial, really. That way, I'm skipping over the top of the ridges. Unfortunately, at this speed, my V8 was emptying the petrol tank every 31 miles. And one of the items we'd forgotten to buy at the camping shop was a funnel. Right, wind's dropped. Here we go. Drink! (GROANS) This is completely safe. Some of the petrol is... Oh, my giddy aunt! The roads are getting worse. Even though the going was appalling... the beach buggies, amazingly, were, more or less, still in one piece. However, as the relentless pounding wore on, the same could not be said of James. Agh! Oh, my God! Honestly, my bones are going to shatter. (GROANS) I've had enough of this. What I'm doing is I'm trying to soften up the front suspension, and I'm gonna soften the tyres as well. I've done quite a bit under here. Now I'm going to let a bit of air out of the tyres. (AIR HISSES) James: This made a huge difference. (CLATTERING CONTINUES) This is rubbish! Stop! But it didn't stop. It went on... and on. That day, I did 350 miles, and every single one of them was filled with pain, dust and misery. And that's why, the following morning, I came up with a radical plan. Don't drive on the road, drive near it. I did a bit alongside the road. Admittedly only half a kilometre, but it was bliss by comparison. It was like driving on a freshly resurfaced Silverstone. We don't have to stray miles from it. I agree, that would be foolish, cos we could just end up as skeletons. But, honestly, it's agony in mine. I've got neck ache, headache. I hate it. Right, I tell you what, Hammond. I tell you why I like his idea. If it is smooth off-road, it's more comfortable for us. If it's hopeless out there, we can blame him. Fair enough. Jeremy: With that settled, we left the road and set out on Highway May. I'll give James one thing, it is smoother than the road, but I am doing 3 mph. I mean, yeah, I like off-roading, I do, but... this isn't exactly quicker, is it? Jeremy: Sadly, a short while later, we didn't even have smooth going for us. Ow! (GROANS) Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, spiffing. (GROANS) James, I hope you're happy with this. How bad must it have been for him if this is better? Oh, God al-bloody-mighty! What an idiot that man is! Yeah, this is a lot less bumpy. Oh, Christ! Jesus! Is this better? Really? Stop moaning! (GRUNTS) Jeremy: Hammond, my entire throttle assembly has disintegrated. Richard: I can't see why. I'm sure this is all helping it. Jeremy: Perfectly all right on the road. Yeah, I don't know why more people don't drive their cars on the road. Stop blaming your failures on the scenery. Every bone in his crotch... that's what I'm gonna break. Every single one of them. And then, if it were at all possible, May Tours got even worse. Oh! Oh, God! The dust! Agh! What is this Star Trek special effect we've arrived in? Oh, my God! I am swimming through dust. I'm actually swimming in it. Oh, dear, oh, dear! James: We had driven into something called fesh fesh, a sand as fine as talcum powder. Oh, shite! And this had made Ali G even more cross. (REVVING) I can't see a bloody thing now. I've got to... I can't even find James May to kill him. (GROANS) Jeremy: OK, the engine's boiling and I'm stuck. All my electrics have gone haywire My... It's still trying to turn the motor over. The battery's dead. Are you stuck, James? Er... (COUGHING FIT) (COUGHING) I think I'm stuck. Well done, James. Improved our lot no end. So the situation is... Hammond has broken his car, you're stuck, and mine's overheated. Are we going to say, James, that your idea was stupid? It was stupid. Jeremy: With even Sergeant Stubborn admitting defeat, it was time to throw in the towel. So we got ourselves sorted out, got a wash in the river and headed back to the road. [SCENE_BREAK] There you go. Freshly ironed linen shirt with epaulettes that matches my beach buggy. Ironed by Giovanni. Despite everything, our beach buggies had covered 750 miles of our 1,000-mile journey, and we were now well into the tribal regions of northern Namibia... which is picture-book Africa. Well, this is all a bit too beautiful for words along here. Look at this. Tribal Namibia, I like it. Where we are now, it's genuinely... Well, what would you say, "unspoiled"? Yeah. People do live the lives they've led here for thousands of years. Oh, no! Oh, no! I'm dying! Annoyingly, the James May excursion had caused more damage than I'd realised. Oh, now this is stuck on. Oh, bugger. Then, instead of the breakdown-recovery service, some topless ladies arrived... (SHRIEKING AND SINGING) Richard: Hello. ...which made knowing where to look a bit difficult. Oh! Erm... Concentrate on the job, Richard. This is unusual. I mean, normally the AA would have done. (SINGING CONTINUES) Thank you! Very good. (SINGING CONTINUES) Oh, there's more. Jeremy: I, too, was nursing wounds as a result of May Tours. I do seem to have lost... (ENGINE CHUGS) ...one of my cylinders somehow. I'm driving a V7. Basically, this is now Spitty Spitty Bang Bang. So, at the lunch stop, Richard and I decided to get our revenge on Mr May. Clarkson! What? You've put... Where's... That is disturbing. What's annoying is, what have you done with my original vintage VW gear knob? Ah, well, no, good news on that. Giovanni has posted your original gear lever back to your address in London. Has he? Richard: Special delivery. What is the matter with you? That's really offensive. Well, I think that's a bit sexist. No, it's not. Why would I want to drive with a rubber pen1s? I don't know. I think you're weird. (LAUGHTER) Richard: With our break over, we got back on the road. For our American viewers, James May is driving a dick-shift. And it wasn't just James's knob that was keeping us amused. There was something else we'd learned over lunch that was even funnier. James May's fuel tank has a hole in it, or it's split. He's driving a bomb. It's a tense moment, this. It's like the end of a football match when it's 1-1. You're driving along, you know he's gonna blow up, you just don't know when. Richard: It's not gonna read well in the papers. "James May died in an exploding beach buggy, holding a rubber pen1s." Oh, shut up! Jeez! James: Oh! In the face! Jeremy: Once James's fuel tank had run low enough, we pulled over in a small village so he could make some repairs. Well, the wind's blowing that way, so the fireball will go up there. It'll be sudden, won't it, when he goes? Yeah. It's "woompf." "Woompf", then a bit of quiet, and then... as all bits come down. Jeremy: Yes. Here's the split in the tank. Apply this. Oh, hello! You know we've been saying how bad the roads are, Hammond? Yes. They're bad enough to kill an un-killable car. That's kind of a terrifying sight, isn't it? I know. I've never seen that before in my life. A dead Toyota pickup truck. Jeremy: With James's tank bodged, we knuckled down to getting some miles under our belt. And for the rest of the day, the only person with petrol issues was me. Right. Refuelled, so I'm good now for 31 miles. By the end of the day, we'd made good progress. And when we stopped to make camp... Where the bloody hell's Giovanni? ...we were less than 100 miles from the finish line. So, after supper, we decided to have a conversation - well, argument - about who'd built the best beach buggy. The point is, yours isn't a beach buggy. My car? Yeah. Apart from having a beach buggy's body and the beating, pulsating heart of a beach buggy, namely a Beetle engine. I look at yours and go, "That doesn't even look like a beach buggy." It does and it is! It's a beach buggy. Enhanced, but in the spirit of beach buggying. It isn't. Jeremy, yours is... a freak. Had it existed 100 years ago, it would have been exhibited. People would come from miles and children would peak at it through curtains. "Oh, look at the monster!" The point is, I have always loved the spirit of the beach buggy. I love the era that created it and all of that. But the one thing that's made me not like it is the engine reminds me of Hitler. I have removed all of that Hitler DNA from mine, fitted a bloody great V8. It's gone too far. It's Frankenstein's buggy. James: I can settle this. Yours isn't a proper beach buggy. It isn't. But it's more of a beach buggy than yours. Oh, rubbish! Because the true spirit of the beach buggy is the Beetle floorpan and engine, which his has. Yours doesn't have the engine. Mine actually has everything. Mine is the proper beach buggy. I'm sorry about this, James, but... You're not. ...your car was created by the swinging '60s and endorsed by Steve McQueen, one of the coolest people who ever lived, and yet, somehow, you have managed to make your beach buggy boring. Rubbish It is a bit. It is boring. It's a boring firework display. It is. It's boring in that it works. No, James. It doesn't work! The only thing that has gone wrong is a small leak in the petrol tank. Everything else about it has constantly worked. Do you know, every time I've overtaken you, I've looked and thought, "That's dismal." It isn't. It has an elegance and a purity. And when you say, "You've never come past me", I come past you every 30 miles because you've run out of fuel. It wheelies, the throttle sticks, the alternator falls off, bolts fall out of it. It... The alternator... You've had to fit a wing on it, which ruins the looks. It's not in the spirit of the beach buggy, but of a man desperately trying to justify a terrible idea. It was a brilliant idea! It doesn't work! I'm fairly conscious right now your car is drinking the fuel out of mine like a sort of plastic vampire. Look, mine has been thirsty. Thirsty? Yes. James: We continued arguing until Giovanni reminded us it was time to go to bed. But I didn't go to bed, because I had business to attend to. Right, Jeremy Clarkson thinks he's being flamboyant, and he doesn't realise that my knowledge of aerodynamics will trump his ability to fit rubber penises to people's cars. sh1t! Hammond! Fire! Help! Hammond! Help! The next morning, as we resumed our journey, I was feeling rather philosophical. I once saw an old lady fall over and drop her shopping bag on the opposite side of the road, and her shopping fell out. And amongst it was an Easter egg, which I assume she bought for a grandchild or something, and it rolled into the road and got run over by a car. It was the most tragic thing I've ever seen... until I saw the front of my car this morning. Jeremy: And it wasn't just the front of his own car he'd ruined. I wouldn't mind, but the rattling from James's workmanship is appalling. Despite everything, though, we were now almost there. Today, we would reach the beach that marked the finish of what had been a spectacular journey through a spectacular country. Oh! That deserves a stabbing. (LAUGHTER) Richard: Oh, my God! Oh! (SCREAMS) Jeremy: Oh, my... Giovanni, could you run the baths? (YELLS) Aargh! Help! Jeremy: It really is an amazing part of the world, this. But everything that makes it amazing is harsh and unforgiving and difficult. Oh, stop! No one's ever said this before, but Namibia... is a beautiful b*st*rd of a country. And yet, as we counted down the last few miles of our journey, our home-made beach buggies were still running. They were battered and bruised, but they'd proved our point to Mr Wilman. They'd made it. And they had done something else as well - they'd got under our skin. We liked them even more at the end than we had done at the start. I think everybody in the world should drive a beach buggy, because you're exposed to so much. Not just the elements, but the opinions of other people. I mean, when you're in a normal car, you shake your fist and make gestures, and shout and yell, because you feel cocooned and safe and immune from everybody. But in a beach buggy, everyone's just there. It's brilliant! It's such a friendly way of moving about. And with that, we settled down for what we hoped would be a smooth cruise to the beach. But it wasn't. Ow! Ow! Oh, God! Ow! This is outrageous! Holy sh1t! Oh, no! It's gone! And now my aerodynamics are badly affected as well. Oh, my word! Jeremy is hoping to get to the finish line in the sort of pile of scrap you hate your neighbours for keeping at the bottom of their garden. Oh, God! Jeremy: (LAUGHS) Oh, no! There's petrol! Oh! Hammond, don't go near his car! There's petrol all over the front of his car. Is there? Yeah. Richard: Ooh! Jeremy: What if it caught fire, James? With just 30 miles to go, the mighty seven-cylinder V8 really started to play up. (ENGINE CHUGGING) (ENGINE GRINDING) Oh, no! (LAUGHS) And then it started to go dark, which presented us with the biggest problem of the lot. (RICHARD LAUGHS) That's just terrible. Oh, God! James: Well, that's marvellous. Jeremy: That one is dazzling me and that one is showing me where to go. Richard: This is far from ideal. Jeremy: Before pitch darkness fell, we pulled over to do some emergency repairs. I'm gonna put some... tape of a certain well-known brand on the problem. Jeremy: Finger tight will do. These repairs were extremely successful. Oh, it's swung into my face! No, I can't see a thing. Agh! That's worse! Oh, God. Now they've turned. Oh, no! My car's gone cross-eyed again! Jeremy: There's a man coming the other way. What's he gonna think of us? (LAUGHS) I don't know. I can't see a bloody thing. Thank you. Oh, that's good! It's shaken the headlight back round again! Yeah! No, it's back again. Oh, just for a moment. Then the rough road brought some new headlight problems. Oh, nothing! Oh, no! Nothing! Nothing! I've got... I've now got nothing at all. OK, Hammond and May, can you just let me know what your lighting situation is now? Richard: As long as I hold the flash lever back, I have light. James: If I hold the lever, I get one light and one flashing light, yes. But I have to take my hand off to change gear. Jeremy: And then Hammond's car suddenly turned into the lighting rig at a Pink Floyd gig. Why does it keep changing? What... And it's all got... (GASPS) It's only three kilometres to go now. Three. Ahh! Oh, (BLEEP) hell! Gone. Coming back. Although we couldn't see, we knew we must be close to the beach. It's not... you know, a seaside beach. It must be on a river or a lake, or something. This is uphill. I'm sure that's wrong. That's a big drop there. I don't want to go off there. Jeremy: I'm not sure this is sensible. Nowhere in any guide I've ever read does it say, "Explore new territory in a beach buggy with your lights all broken." Unable to find anything even remotely resembling a beach, we pulled over. (WATER RUSHING) We cannot carry on just plunging around in the darkness, hoping to find the beach. And, anyway, what is that noise? Richard: I would say that... is a waterfall. Is it something you want to come across in the dark? Because the other thing I'd say about that sound - it might be my imagination, but that sounds as though it's coming from below, like we're above it. We have climbed up that track. And a waterfall is a drop, by definition. If we're... I don't want to... in the dark. Abandon. I'm not doing it. We'll do it tomorrow. Sun. Let's look at the stars and have one more night in Namibia. We'll find it tomorrow and it'll be fantastically glorious. Richard: Tomorrow on the beach. Jeremy: Giovanni! The next morning, daylight brought answers to our questions. So it wasn't a waterfall. No, it was many waterfalls. Hundreds of waterfalls. And they were just part of what we all agreed was the most beautiful view we'd ever seen. But... many waterfalls. No beach that I can see. Does that count as a beach? Jeremy: That is a beach. James: I'd call that a beach. The beach. That's got to be it. There's no others. Gentlemen, our quest is at an end. Let us ride... in splendour... to... I'm not finishing that very well. What is it? It's very moving. I'm trying to think of something evocative and Victorian and brilliant. Richard: "Let's go over there and finish our journey"? No, that's Brummie rubbish! It is! It's the fact. Jeremy: Unable to find the right words to mark the moment... we set off anyway. Yeah, this is it. We are half a kilometre from our objective. Oh. Oh, no. Path ends. Path ends. Erm... Oh, my God! Well, if this won't get over there, there's no way will theirs. Jeremy: We split up to look for a path through the rocks... James: Oh, no! ...but it was hopeless. Forget it. Hammond, forget it. We aren't going down this hill. The problem is, even if we could get over this stuff, which we can't... Richard: No, we can't. ...have you seen what's between us and the beach? Look at it. There's no way you could drive over that or anywhere near. Look, you can't even go inland. No, we can't go there. And you can't go around that mountain and come at it from the back, cos they're cliffs. Wait a minute. What? I've had... a great idea. Richard: Oh, no. No. So we can't drive over here. But we have to get us and our cars to that beach over there. If there were to be some kind of... A mounting point on that cliff, maybe, and then- Do what? No. Mounting point down there. Over that distance? That's a huge distance. It's about half a kilometre. No! But can you imagine the forces on it? The things at the end are gonna have to be... Huge. Massive. Jeremy, we don't all live in a cartoon. We will die! Dead! Richard: Given that there were no alternatives, we had to go with the ape's plan, which was to turn our beach buggies into cable cars. That's over two metres. Yeah, that's good enough. So we headed to a nearby abandoned mine... to scavenge materials. James: Is that bit any good? How much more of that cable have we got? Four drums. Are you proposing that that becomes a winding drum? Yeah. It's very important... we get as much weight as possible into Hammond's car... for erm... well, for your amusement. (COUGHS) (METAL CLATTERING) Right, toolbox. (CLANGING AND GRUNTING) James: How much do you want? Jeremy: 30 metres. James, have you got that hoop welded in yet? No, that's my next job. Richard: Several days later, and with absolutely no help whatsoever from any Namibian mining engineers... the world's first beach buggy cable car was ready, and- Jeremy: sh1t! Stop, everybody! The goats are eating the tree that we've anchored it to. Shoo, goats! Shoo! (BLEATING) They were eating the tree. Richard: Anyway, as I was saying, it stretched for more than a third of a mile. And since the drop to the crocodile-infested river was several hundred feet, we decided James should go first. We had a vote. Did you? We did, and we were unanimous you were going first. Right, so it's become a democracy all of a sudden? Jeremy: Yes, it has. Richard: Yeah. And anyway, your car's the lightest, now you've burned half of it away. I'm climbing in. Jesus! Jeremy: With the state-of-the-art generators fired up... (CHUGGING) ...James fortified himself for the journey... Is he drinking? ...and then simply drove off the launch pad. James: Oh, my God! Whoa! (CREAKING) Oh, sh1t! It's really high! It's really high! I'm turning the engine off. Richard: We had to test it. Jeremy: Well, exactly. He had to go first. Don't look at us and think we're bad. Because that was scientifically vigorous. (CREAKING) It's a cable car. It's a cable car. I've been on lots of cable cars. They're safe. Jeremy: God. Look, he's... This is where it's high. Richard: That's horrible. No! It's going really high! I don't like... (SCREAMS) James: I hate you! OK. He doesn't like us. James: Despite my terror, the cable buggy kept on chugging through what's technically Angolan airspace towards the beach. God, I'm nearly there! (CREAKING) Neutral. Handbrake off. He's gonna do it. He's gonna do it. I'm at the end! Jeremy: He's down. Richard: That's a landing. Yes! Do you know what, though? What? I'm doing maths here. Mm? One of us is gonna be killed doing this, obviously, yes? I'd say so, yeah. So when we were all here, 33% chance. Now I'm doing it with a 50% chance. Now you're doing it? I'm going next. I can go next. You can't go next. Why can't I go next? (CREAKING) Jeremy: Whilst James toasted his success with some more drink... I won the argument and prepared for launch. Why is my car at this angle? Well, maybe because there's a massive V8 hanging out the back of it. Right! Right, right, right! I'll... here we go. (ENGINE STARTS) (GROANS) My rectum has just opened like a set of theatre curtains. And for good reason, because my beach buggy weighed 200 kilograms more than James's charred wreck. Ooh! Ooh! He brushed the grass! I'm terrified, I'll be honest, but, for the first time since I set off, I'm comfortable in my beach buggy. (METALLIC CLUNK) Approaching the beach. Approaching the end of the journey. Here I come. And... touchdown! Yes! Jeremy: Bad news, Hammond. I've made it. Oh, great. Sir? Oh, I say, James! Jeremy: Actually, I was lucky there was some left, because James had had a bit of a thirst on whilst he'd been alone. (GRUNTS) Hello, guys down there. It's Richard at the top. Right, I'm gonna do this now, so goodbye. Oh! I don't like that feeling! (GROANS) (GROANING CONTINUES) Here he comes, ladies and gentlemen, Richard Hammond. (GRUNTS) No! I could take solace from the fact that this system has already run twice with their cars and not failed it's been tested. Or I could take a more realistic view, which is that those two fat oafs have already weakened it. Jeremy: Plus he had all that scrap metal in the back, which is why all eyes were on him. Well, when I say "all"... Look at the colours in those rocks over there. It's... It's fantastic. Just to the left of where Hammond is. Why's my car sitting so low? It is heavy. It is... Why's it lower? The colouring is fabulous, isn't it? Yeah, they are. Richard: Despite all my fears, the cables were holding and drawing me ever closer to my colleagues. This is it. I can see the beach. I'm so nearly there. We are gonna do it! Come on, Hammond. Come on. I'm gonna do it. Come on, Hammond. Come on. (CREAKING) (METALLIC CLUNK) (MECHANICAL WHIRRING) Oh. Erm... Why have I stopped? Jeremy: Hammond! James: Come on! Richard: I've stopped! Jeremy: Hammond! It's just stopped! What can I do? It's just stopped! There's, like, 200 metres to go! I don't have anything to do with it! It's not up to me! Is there nothing you can do? Sadly, James was too drunk to think, and I'm mechanically inept. Plus, whatever had gone wrong had gone wrong at the top, and we were at the bottom. Move! Move! Move! There's literally nothing we can do. We've assessed everything and you're in a hopeless position. We could have another beer. We've gonna have to conclude, I'm afraid, that Mr Wilman was right that the beach buggy is no good. And on that terrible disappointment, it's time to end. Thank you so much for watching. Good night. ♪ You've got your head on backwards, baby ♪ ♪ You don't know where you're at ♪ ♪ You've got your head on backwards, baby ♪ ♪ Watch out or you'll fall flat ♪ ♪ Instead of saying hi to the people that you meet ♪ ♪ You ought to say goodbye as you're walking down the street ♪ ♪ You've got your head on backwards, baby ♪ ♪ And you're gonna hit the ground ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪ ♪ Well, when you finally fall down, baby ♪ ♪ I don't wanna be around ♪ ♪ No ♪

In the second show of a two-part special, Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May are battling across Namibia in a quest to prove that beach buggies are brilliant. Having survived the challenges of the desert, the trio must now brace themselves for even greater hardship involving rough roads, camping, rhino conservation and a rather unusual river crossing.

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Teleplay by: Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen Story by: Sherry Bilsing & Ellen Plummer [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Chandler, Ross, and Rachel are sitting around the table.] Monica: I'm glad you're here, we have a couple of things to ask you about the wedding ceremony. Rachel: (starting to cry) Ohh... Ross: What's the matter? You okay? Rachel: Yeah, it's just y'know... Chandler: (To Ross) Monica said wedding. Monica: Uh, so anyway, we thought one of you could read something during the ceremony. Rachel: Oh! I would love to read a poem. Chandler: Do you think you could get through a poem? Rachel: (crying) It'll be a short one. Monica: Okay, so Ross will be doing the reading. Rachel: Ohhh... Ross: Okay. Yeah, I guess, I guess I could do that too. Chandler: Too? Ross: Yeah, I kind of uh, have something else planned for you guys. Monica: Do you mind telling us what it is? Ross: Sorry, I'm kinda keeping this one on the Q.T. Chandler: Well, whatever it is, I hope it involves winking. (Winks in a spy-type manner.) Joey: (entering, excited) Hey! All: Hey! Joey: So I just talked to one of the DOOL writers today, and... Monica: What is DOOL? Joey: Days Of Our Lives. Anyway, you're not gonna believe it! My character is coming out of his coma!! All: Oh!! Chandler: That's great! Joey: And-and-and not only that, I'm gettin' a new brain!! Chandler: So great things are happening at work and in your personal life! Rachel: Wait, what do you mean you're getting a new brain? Joey: Oh well, they're killing off one of the characters on the show, and when she dies her brain is being transplanted into my body. Ross: What? A brain transplant?! Joey: (seriously) Yes, it's a highly controversial procedure. Ross: It's ridiculous! Joey: Well, I think it's ridiculous that you haven't had s*x in three and a half months. Ross: (to Monica and Rachel) It's winter, they are fewer people on the street. (Rachel and Monica smile and nod, knowingly.) Monica: Who are they killing off? Joey: Uh Cecilia Monroe, she plays Jessica Lockhart. Rachel and Monica: Noo!! Monica: She's my favorite character on DOOL. Joey: Nice. Rachel: She is so good at throwing drinks in people's faces, I mean I don't think I've ever seen her finish a beverage. Monica: And the way she slaps all the time! Rachel: Oh! Monica: Wouldn't you love to do it just once?! (Raises her hand towards Chandler.) Chandler: Don't do it. Rachel: Cecilia Monroe man, what a great actress. Joey: Oh, tell me about it. And she's been on the show forever, it's gonna be really hard to fill her shoes. Ross: Yeah-yeah, help me out here, when you come out of the "brain transplant," you are going to be her? Joey: Yes, but in Drake Ramoray's body. (Ross laughs unbelievably.) Why is this so hard for you to get? I thought you were a scientist! Opening Credits [Scene: Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch in Central Perk] Phoebe: (Clears Throat) Rach, so, that guy there. Straight or gay? Rachel: (They both look behind them.) Well, I'd have to say gay. Phoebe: Yeah? Why? Rachel: Well mainly because he's kissing that other guy. Phoebe: Oh no not that guy there. That guy right there. (Pointing to an attractive man sitting at a table behind them.) Rachel: Oh yeah he's too cute to be straight. Phoebe: (A woman with large breasts walks in the door) Ohh knockers will help us figure it out. (She walks by and he checks her out.) Rachel: All right, straight, and not subtle. (The man gets up and leaves.) Phoebe: Ohh, he left his cell phone. Rachel: Oh, well, we can hand it to Gunther and he'll put it in lost and found. Phoebe: Or we could use it to call China. See how those guys are doing. Rachel: What if, um, if he calls his own cell phone to find out who found it and I answer and we start talking and we fall in love. I mean wouldn't that be a great story? Kind of like a fairy tale for the digital age. Phoebe: Yeah... That does sound great. I'm going to get the phone. (They both get up.) Rachel: What? Wait! Why...why do you get the story? Phoebe: I don't know. I haven't been out on a date in so long. Rachel: Phoebe, you had a date three days ago. Phoebe: That wasn't a date! That was, that was just friends getting together...(quietly) having s*x. Rachel: Okay. Okay, see? I get the phone. Phoebe: No way! No way! You just broke with Tag a week ago. Rachel: Yeah! (Breaking up) And until now, I didn't think I'd love again. Phoebe: Nice try. Rachel: Oh hey-hey wait! How do we fairly decide who gets the phone? Phoebe: I don't know. (They edge closer to the phone on the table.) Rachel: Well umm, maybe we could uhh... (Grabs the phone) Ah-ha! Too slow!! (She holds the phone out and starts taunting Phoebe. Phoebe calming knocks the phone out of Rachel's hand and catches it.) Phoebe: Ah-ha! Too cocky! [Scene: Silvercup Studios, Joey is watching Jessica Lockhart perform a scene.] Dina: I'm going to keep dating him Mother, and there's nothing you can do about it! Jessica Lockhart: Oh yes there is! Dina: What are you going to do? Kill him? Like you did with Charles?! Jessica Lockhart: (gasps) That was an accident! And so were you. Dina: Well, at least I'm not a murderer! (Jessica slaps her.) Jessica Lockhart: (crying) Oh, my baby! (Hugs Dina, but moves Dina's head to her other shoulder so that she's the only one in the picture.) The Director: Cut! (Joey walks up to Cecilia Monroe who plays Jessica.) Joey: That was a great scene! And-and-and that slap looks so real! How do you do that? Cecilia: Oh, just years of experience. Dina: (crying) Can I get some ice here?! Joey: Oh anyway, I just wanted to say how wonderful I think you are. Cecilia: You're not the fan who's dying are you? Joey: Say what? Cecilia: I'm supposed to meet and hug a fan who's dying, but that's not supposed to be until (to no one in particular) later! Joey: No. No, I'm Joey Tribbiani; we did a scene together yesterday. I-I'm the guy in the coma! Cecilia: Oh that was a real person?! Joey: An-an-anyway I-I just wanted to say that since I'm getting your brain when you leave the show, I was wondering if there was any tips you can give me... Cecilia: I-I-I'm leaving the show? Joey: (quickly) I don't know. Why? Did you hear something? Cecilia: Who told you that? Joey: Oh uh, one of the writers. Cecilia: Which one? Was it bald or was it tall? Joey: Umm... Cecilia: Y'know what? It doesn't matter! Because it is not true! Joey: Okay. Cecilia: And if it were true, how dare you come to me ask me for tips about a character that I've been playing for 20 years-I'll give you a tip! (She throws her drink in his face.) Joey: Ms. Monroe... (She slaps him) Oh there you go. (She storms off, leaving Joey standing next to Dina. They share a nod at the ferocity of the slap they just received.) [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are still arguing over the phone.] Rachel: No Phoebe! You cannot get the phone that way; that's not fair! Okay look, I have an idea. Why don't we, why don't we see what kind of number he has on his speed dial, and then from that we can tell who has more in common with him. And then whoever does gets the phone. Phoebe: Or, we can decide by whose ever name is closer to the word phone. Rachel: I don't think so. Phoebe: (handing Rachel the phone) Fine all right, but I'd bet you'd be singing another tune if we were fighting over a ratchet. Rachel: (checking the speed dial) All right, first name on the speed dial is mom. Phoebe: Ohh, I lost my mom to suicide. Rachel: Okay no way, you cannot use that to get the cute guy and the last blueberry muffin. Phoebe: Did I use that already today? I'm sorry. Rachel: Yes okay. (Checking the speed dial again.) Well now see this isn't telling us anything. (Reading the speed dial) Joe. Carlos. Peter. Ooh! Peter Luger! T hat's a steak house! Phoebe: Okay, a meat eater. Fine, that's one for you. Rachel: (looking at the speed dial) Oh, I win! He's got Barney's on his speed dial. Phoebe: So you don't know that's Barney's the store! That can be y'know his friend's house, or a bar. Who has Barney's the store on their speed dial? Rachel: (showing Phoebe her phone) His new girlfriend! [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are eating lunch, when they start to hear a horrible screeching noise. It sounds like someone is skinning a cat.] Monica: What is that? Chandler: I think it's the dying cat parade. Monica: It sounds like it's coming from across the street. Chandler: (turning around and looking) Oh my God! Monica: What? Chandler: Y'know that thing that Ross was gonna do at our wedding?! He was hanging out with me yesterday and he turned to me and said, "You're half Scottish right?" Monica: Nooo!! Chandler: Yes!! [Cut to Ross's apartment, he is playing the Bagpipes, badly. He's worse than that whole keyboard thing a few years ago.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, scene continued from earlier. They both get up and move to the window.] Monica: No, there is no way! It can not be Ross! (She looks through the window and sees Ross practicing and fumbling around with the pipes.) Unbelievable! Why is your family Scottish?! Chandler: Why is your family Ross?! Monica: He cannot play at our wedding! I mean everyone will leave! I mean come on, that is just noise! It's not even a song! Chandler: If you listen very carefully, I think its Celebration by Cool and the Gang. [Scene: Phoebe's apartment, Phoebe is putting out some Sunflower seeds as Rachel enters.] Rachel: Hi Pheebs! Phoebe: Hi! Rachel: How are ya? Phoebe: Good. Rachel: Umm Pheebs, remember when we were in the coffee house we decided that I was going to keep the uh, the cute guy's cell phone? Phoebe: Yeah. Rachel: And remember how I said I was going to keep it in my purse so that if it rang I could just pick it up? Phoebe: Yeah! Rachel: And do you remember going into my purse and stealing the phone?! Phoebe: Ooh, now you lost me. Rachel: You stole the phone! Phoebe: No I didn't! Rachel: No? So you're saying that if I called it, it wouldn't ring? Phoebe: No. Umm, okay. But while you dial, let me show you the features of my new ringing handbag. (Rachel dials her phone and Phoebe's bag starts to ring.) Oh, it does work! (Rachel grabs the phone and takes it out of Phoebe's handbag.) Rachel: Phoebe! Phoebe: That is a different phone. Rachel: Oh is it?! (She answers the cute guy's phone.) Uhh, hello? (On her phone) Yes hi, is Rachel there? (On the other phone) Yes she is, just one moment please. (To Phoebe, holding out both phones.) It's for me! Phoebe: That is damning evidence. (The cute guy's phone rings.) Rachel: Oh my God! I bet that's him. My digital fairy tale is about to begin. I wonder how I should be? Should I be uh (In a sexy voice) Hello? Or should I be (Happily) Hi! It's Rach... (Phoebe knocks the phone out of Rachel's hand, catches it, and answers it.) Would you stop doing that?! Phoebe: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yes, I'm the one who found your phone. Rachel: Phoebe! You can't do th... Phoebe: (To Rachel) Shhh! I'm on a call! (On phone) Umm well yeah, you can pick it up tonight, say 8:30? At-at my apartment. It's umm, it's umm 5 Morton Street, Apartment 14, umm and then maybe y'know after we can grab a bite to eat or whatever. (Listens) Okay, well okay I'll see you then. (Listens) Bye. (Hangs up.) Rachel: You do know that I will be here when he comes over. Phoebe: Oh? And how will you know what time to come over? Rachel: You just said it! Phoebe: Oh. Okay, well I-I was kinda hoping that I would just...be alone y'know to think about my mom and her suicide. Rachel: Oh Phoebe! Phoebe: What?! That's the first time today! Rachel: Ohh! (Exits.) [Scene: Silvercup Studios, Dina is at the craft services table getting some food as Joey walks up.] Joey: So you like the nachos uh? Myself I'm partial to... Dina: (interrupting) I'm 16. Joey: See you in 2003. (She walks away.) Cecilia: (walking up) You're absolutely right they are writing me out of the show. They don't know exactly when it's going to happen, but apparently it's going to be very soon and that's it. Joey: I'm so sorry. Look, if it was up to me you would never leave the show. Cecilia: Yeah, thanks. Joey: No I mean it! I can't believe they would do this to you! And to your fans! I mean they are going to be devastated! Heart broken! They love you so much! Cecilia: Oh you're right. Thank you! What's your name again? Joey: Joey. Cecilia: Joey, well thank you. That is so sweet. Oh, excuse me. (She throws her drink on a passing writer.) The Writer: It wasn't my decision! Cecilia: (to him) I'm having a conversation here! (To Joey) You were saying? Joey: Uh yeah-ye-ye-ye-ye-ye-l-l-l-l-l-look the-the-the only reason that I, that I came up to you before was because well, I'm really nervous about-about being you. Y'know if you can help me capture the essence of the character. Y'know? Help me keep Jessica alive. Please? Cecilia: All right Joey, I will help you. Not because I-I owe it to this stupid show, but because I owe it to Jessica. Joey: Oh that's great! Oh thank you so much! Cecilia: You're so welcome. Joey: Hey! Now, I've been watching some tapes, how's this? (In a British accent.) "Jessica Lockhart will never set foot in this place again! Ever!!" Cecilia: Is that supposed to be me? Joey: Yeah. Cecilia: Yeah but Jessica doesn't have an English accent. Joey: (shocked) I can do an English accent?! That baby's going on my résumé! [Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting on the armchair.] Chandler: Well, I feel like a snack! Monica: Do you want some shortbread? Eh that's Scottish like you are. Chandler: Oh no thanks. I don't like anything from my Scottish heritage. Ross: What?! Chandler: Well it's just my entire family was run out of Scotland by...Vikings. Anyway, lots of bad memories. (Makes a few unintelligible noises.) Ross: Oh well, it sounds to me like your family is ready to uh, rediscover its Scottish roots. Monica: No! No-no they're not. They're still very angry! But y'know Chandler is also half-Swedish. You know what the Swedish people are famous for? Sitting down and being quiet. Ross: Well yeah-yeah the Scottish history is so much more... Monica: (interrupting) You can not play bagpipes at the wedding!! Ross: How did you know about that?! Chandler: We heard you play all the way from your apartment! Ross: Were you the ones called the cops?! Chandler: That's not really important right now. What is important is; while we appreciate the gesture, we just don't feel bagpipes are appropriate for our wedding. Ross: Why not? Chandler: Because we hate them. Ross: Come on that's not fair! I mean you haven't even heard me play! Chandler: We have heard you play. Ross: No, you've heard my practice. Okay? Just-just give me a chance to perform for you and then decide whatever you want. And I'm not going to tell you what song I'm gonna play either. But uh, let's just say when it's over I'll bet there will be a wee bit o' celebration. [Scene: Silvercup Studios, Joey is getting pointers on how to play Jessica Lockhart.] Cecilia: So, the essence of the character is rooted in her confidence. So, when Jessica enters a room for instance, she owns everything and every person in that room. (Joey is nodding.) You try. Joey: Okay! (He scurries out the set door and re-enters, extremely impressed) All right! Cecilia: No, he already knows that he owns everything in the room! He's not finding it out for the first time! So, try it again. Joey: Okay. Okay. (He goes out and comes back in, glaring at everything.) Cecilia: Right. He's not angry at the room either. Try it again, he owns it! He owns the room. It is his. He owns, owns, owns, owns the room! He owns it!! (Joey gets a snooty look on his face.) All right, it's a little weird, but it's getting better. (Joey is pleased.) Oh well, I'm gonna miss this woman so much. I don't know what I'm going to do! I mean, it's been 20 years of my life. Joey: Oh well-Hey-hey! Maybe, maybe uh, maybe this is a good thing. Y'know? It'll-it'll give you a chance to shake things up, play different characters. You're so talented. Cecilia: I am. I am, but I don't know, you know. An actor of a certain age is not that easy. Joey: Hey that's not true! Look at uh, look at Angela Lansb-Angelina Jolie! Cecilia: I probably should've just left years ago when the offers were pouring in, but y'know I just got so comfy here! And... Ohh, I turned down some amazing work! Joey: Like-like what? Cecilia: Well, let's just say if I left 15 years ago, the landscape of Mexican cinema would be very different today! Joey: (impressed) Wow! Cecilia: But... Well now, now's a different time for me. (Starts to cry.) Joey: Oh hey come on, don't-don't-don't do this! Umm, look let-let me tell you something, okay? Now when I watch you do a scene, I'm thinking, "Boy, she-she is a great actress!" (She's not buying it.) Uh but-but, I am also thinking, "She is hot!" Cecilia: (intrigued) You think I'm hot? Joey: You own the room. (She smiles and stares longingly into his eyes.) We should probably get-get uh... Cecilia: Oh yeah-yeah, we should get the... (Pause) So when Jessica kisses a man, she usually puts umm, both her hands on the man's face. (She does so.) Joey: Yeah-yeah, I noticed that! Is that 'cause she's so passionate? Cecilia: No! It's because that way the camera only sees her! (She takes her hands off his face.) Do you wanna try it? Joey: Yeah! Okay. (He puts his hands on her face and they kiss.) Cecilia: That was good, that was really good. But I-I think your hands may be a little off, they should be maybe right like... (She grabs the back of his neck and kisses him passionately causing them to fall onto the couch.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Phoebe's apartment, Phoebe and Rachel are waiting for the cute guy to show up for his cell phone. Rachel is putting on perfume by spraying it ahead of her face, and moving into it. Phoebe tries to steal some.] Rachel: Hey! Hey! (There is a knock on the door.) Phoebe and Rachel: (simultaneously) Who is it? Guy: Hi! It's Tom, I'm here to pick up the phone. (Rachel excitedly jumps up and heads for the door.) Phoebe: Whoa! Why do you get to answer the door? Rachel: Well why shouldn't I?! Phoebe: Because it's my apartment! Rachel: Well, then I get to give him the cell phone. Phoebe: Okay. All right. (Hands her the phone.) Good luck explaining all the calls to China. (Phoebe opens the door and Tom, an older gentleman with white hair, enters.) Tom: Hi! Phoebe: (To Rachel) Wow! How long were we arguing for? Rachel: (laughs) You're not the man who left the cell phone. Tom: No that's my assistant. Rachel: Is-is he coming? (Looks hopefully out the door.) Tom: Umm, no. Phoebe: Could you-could you umm, give us one second? Tom: Sure! Rachel: We'll be right back sir. Tom: Sure. (They walk into the living room.) Phoebe: Wh-what do we do? Rachel: I don't know! Phoebe: Can you believe this? (Rachel exhales in amazement.) We were waiting for a hot guy and then an even hotter one shows up! Rachel: I know! (Realizes what Phoebe said.) What?! Phoebe: Hmm, they just don't make 'em like that anymore! Rachel: (turning and looking at Tom again) No-no they do but, you just have to wait. Phoebe: Rachel, listen-I mean, if you let me have him then I will really owe you one. Rachel: (fake disappointment) All right. All right Phoebe I will let you have him, but you owe me; you owe me big! Phoebe: Yeah! You're such a great friend! Rachel: Ohh... Tom: So, which one of you lovely ladies am I going to take to dinner huh? Phoebe: Oh that'd be me. Sir. (Hands him the cell phone.) After you. Tom: Okay. Okay. (Exits and Phoebe checks him out.) Phoebe: (whispering) Nice! [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Cecilia is entering the living room from Joey's room followed by Joey.] Cecilia: Well, you certainly own that room. Joey: Actually I rent the whole place and, I just got what you meant. Thank you. (She laughs as Rachel enters.) Rachel: Hi. Joey: Hey! (Rachel stops dead in her tracks when she sees whom Joey is with.) Rachel: Oh my God! Oh my God!! Ohh, Jessica Lockhart!! In my apartment!! I am such a huge fan! I am such a huge fan! Cecilia: Well, it's nice to know that you... Rachel: (screaming) MONICA!!!! MONICA!!!! (Runs to Monica's.) Joey: That uh, that is my roommate Rachel. Cecilia: Oh that explains all the women's underwear. Joey: (shrugs) Sure. Yep. Monica: (entering with Rachel) Oh my God! It's true!! Oh my God you are so amazing! Oh my God, can I just ask you to do me oh, just one favor? Cecilia: Certainly. Monica: Would you slap me? Would you slap me right here in the face?! (Points to her cheek.) Cecilia: I'd love to, but my lawyer said I can't do that anymore. Rachel: God. You seem really, really nice. Joey: Okay, bye-bye. Rachel: I mean n-not-not fake at all like most famous people. Joey: All right, here we go. (He grabs them and starts to pull them out of the apartment.) Rachel: Okay. Monica: (breaks away) Oh wait, just one more thing! One more minute! (To Cecilia) Umm, you're a stupid bitch. Cecilia: I really can't slap you. (Monica walks away angrily) Rachel: You are so beautiful. Monica: Nice to meet you! My God you're great! Joey: Thanks for stopping by. See ya! (Throws them out and closes the door.) (To Cecilia) I-I am so sorry. I... Cecilia: Oh no-no-no-no, being adored. I'm used to it, don't worry about it. Joey: (notices something in the mail that Rachel brought in) Oh my God! Cecilia: What? Joey: They sent me today's script! They never send the script! Cecilia: They don't? Joey: Well no, I'm just in a coma. This must mean I have lines! (Realizes what that means.) Oh... Cecilia: How does it happen? Joey: (flipping to the last page) Ew, you get thrown from a horse into an electric fence. Cecilia: Ah what?! Jessica hates horses! Joey: Yeah well, I'm guessing after this she's not going to be crazy about electricity either. [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica have gathered to hear Ross perform his interpretation of Celebration by Cool and the Gang on the bag pipe.] Ross: ...now remember you have to imagine me in a kilt. Rachel: (giggles) (To Ross) I can imagine you in a short plaid skirt and knee socks. Ross: (To Rachel) Do you wanna start telling secrets? Rachel: No! Ross: (stands up) Now umm, remember I'm still learning. (As he prepares to start, he makes several horrible noises that scares Rachel into retreat.) Ross: One, two, three, four! (He starts. And well, Celebration was never meant to be played on the bagpipe, so even the best bag pipe players in the world would have trouble with that particular song. So of course, for a beginner like Ross, it sounds absolutely dreadful. The assembled audience minus Phoebe, are horrified. Phoebe, immune to bad music, seems to enjoy it.) Ross: You know the song! Sing along! (Ross resumes playing, this time accompanied by Phoebe screeching out E's in tune with Ross. While Phoebe is singing along, Rachel is having a very difficult time keeping a straight face. Thankfully, Ross gives up after a little while.) Ross: So? Monica and Chandler: No! (Ross throws the bagpipes down in disgust.) [Scene: Silvercup Studios, a scene is being shot where Dina and Fredrick are celebrating Jessica's horrible accident by drinking champagne.] Dina: Loosening the saddle on mother's horse was brilliant Fredrick. And the electric fence, inspired. Fredrick: Thank you sweetheart. (They clink glasses.) Dina: I can't believe she's really gone. Look around you, all of this is ours. (They move into a kiss but; they're stopped by Joey entering with a huge bandage wrapped around his head.) Joey: (as Jessica) I don't think so. Dina: Who are you?! Jessica Lockhart: What's the matter Dina? Don't you recognize your own (Does a hair flip) mother?! The Director: Cut! That was great everybody! Thank you! Cecilia: (running out to Joey) That was so wonderful! (Hugs him) Ohh, I think that you're a better Jessica than I ever was! Joey: Oh noo... Cecilia: Well of course not, but you were very good. Joey: Thanks! Cecilia: And guess what? Good news! I got another job! Joey: Great! Hey! Alright! Well-well what is it?! Cecilia: A film in Guadalajara! Joey: The airport? Cecilia: No that's La Guardia. (Joey nods in recognition.) This is Mexico. Joey: Ohh. Wow! Well how-how, how will you be gone? Cecilia: Eight months. Joey: That's a really long time. Cecilia: Yeah, but you can come and visit me. I bet that you could uh, own a few places down there. Joey: Well I tell ya, I should probably buy a place in the city first. (Realizes.) And I just got what you meant again-That is-I tell ya, that is a tricky one! Cecilia: That is a tricky one. Well, Joey I really wanna thank you. You've, well you made a very difficult time for me a little less painful. Joey: Good luck. Cecilia: You too. (They kiss and both put their hands on the other's face like Jessica would do.) Ending Credits [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Monica have gathered to hear Ross perform his interpretation of Celebration by Cool and the Gang on the bag pipe. Yes, I typed that earlier. We're seeing this again, only this time Ross as already started playing.] Ross: You know the song! Sing along! Phoebe: Eeee!!! Eee!! Eee!! (Monica (Courtney Cox) and Chandler (Matthew Perry) are laughing. That then causes Lisa and Jennifer to come out of character and start laughing hysterically. And that finally causes David Schwimmer to come out of character and start laughing as well. Matthew decides to sing along now as well.) Matthew Perry: Eee!! (This causes more laughter.) Lisa Kudrow: Do it again! (Matthew mimics the sound again.)

Joey's Days of our Lives character has a female character's brain transplanted into his body, and tells the actress playing her, Cecilia Monroe ( Susan Sarandon ), by accident. Joey uses his charm, he and Cecilia work to maintain the character's legacy, and then sleep together. Ross cooks up a special surprise for the wedding: dreadful bagpipe playing. Meanwhile, after finding a cute guy's phone, Phoebe and Rachel compete over who gets to keep it to start 'a fairytale for the digital age'. Later, an elderly gentleman claims the phone, and Phoebe happily goes to dinner with him, finding him more attractive than the young man whose phone they believed it was.

fd_Frasier_07x02

fd_Frasier_07x02_0

Act One. Scene One - Café Nervosa. Frasier is flicking through some magazines when Roz comes to join him. Roz: [sitting] Oh hey, Frasier. Catalogues? Frasier: Yes. I'm trying to find the perfect wedding gift for Daphne and Donny. Roz: Oh, right. Well, I guess now that they've set a date, I'll be getting my bridesmaid draft notice. Frasier: You know Roz, she might not even ask you. Roz: [positive] Oh, she'll ask me. They all do. The next thing I know I'm wearing some revolting puffy-sleeved dress made from the same material that keeps the space shuttle from burning up on re-entry. Frasier: You know, Roz, Daphne might just surprise you and pick a dress you like. Roz: Oh, impossible. They're always ugly; that's why the bride makes sure she's the prettiest one at the wedding. Frasier: That's awfully cynical. Roz: Oh yeah, when was the last time you found yourself staring at the bridesmaid instead of the bride? [signals to the waitress] Frasier: That would have been at my wedding to Lilith. Roz, not getting the attention of the waitress, heads over to the counter. Then Niles enters and sits with his brother. Niles: Hello Frasier. Frasier: Oh, Niles. Niles: Frasier, do you remember the time the Kreizel brothers tied me to their Great Dane and lobbed meatballs down their gravel driveway? Frasier: I've told you Niles, I would have helped you, but their sister was holding me down. Niles: No, my point is - [to waitress] Cappuccino, please [to Frasier] - even that experience was less painful than the date I was just on. She was... [takes a cat hair from his jacket and puts it on the floor] ...a cat person. She brought her cat on our date. Well, she had good reason, it was Mr. Waggles's birthday. Actually his birthday party. Actually, his surprise birthday party. Frasier: I'm sorry, where on earth did you meet this woman? Niles: At Nordstroms. We both reached for the same cashmere throw and she said she needed something to keep her waggles warm. I thought it was a coy euphemism. [the waitress brings his coffee] Thank you. Frasier: Well, Niles, I certainly understand your being upset, but you know, you've got to keep on looking. Niles: Well, trust me, with Daphne getting married, I have no choice but to press on. But I'm going to change my strategy. Do you recall, the other day at the health club, Tony Hubner gave me that phone number? Frasier: Dear God, Niles, not a dating service? Niles: No, it's not a dating service. An "Introduction Network" for busy professionals. I've given them my vital statistics, there's an extensive screening process, they bill me at the end of the month. Frasier: Niles, please. They are all money-grubbing con-artists who prey on the pathetic and the lonely. God's sakes, you sign up with visions of some Ph.D., and what do they deliver? A buck-toothed librarian who needs help washing her mother! Are you really that desperate? Niles: Half an hour ago, I had my back leg tethered to Mr. Waggles's forepaw and we came in third in the five-legged race. Frasier: Geez, you'd think they'd let him win on his birthday. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. As Frasier enters he hears Daphne on the phone to her mother. Daphne: I know, mum, but it is my wedding. I've given into you on so many things. Couldn't this one thing go my way? [pause] I just don't like those tiny corns in my salad. [pause] No, I don't hate you. [pause] Well, that's just not true. I'm glad you're alive. [pause] All right, all right, tiny corn it is. I've got to run now, cheery bye. [hangs up] That was mum, she had a thought about the salad. Frasier: Something tells me yesterday's crouton skirmish wasn't the end of it. Daphne: I suppose she can be a bit overbearing. But as she often points out, she is paying for the wedding and I am her only daughter and giving birth to me was so painful she did bite through a kitchen spoon. Frasier: Daphne, just don't let you mother guilt you into having the wedding she wants instead of the wedding you want. Daphne: Oh, don't worry, mum already promised me I could have the wedding I want, as soon as I have a daughter who gets engaged. Daphne exits to her bedroom. Frasier enters the kitchen where he finds Martin with a box of jerky. Frasier: Hiya, Dad. Martin: Oh, Fras. You'll love this stuff I got from the farmer's market. This guy takes the juiciest cut of filet mignon, slices it real thin and makes jerky out of it. Frasier: Look Dad, I don't... Martin throws it into his mouth, you can tell he is disgusted. Frasier: Yes, if only I had a nice powdered Cabernet to go with it. Listen, have you given any thought to Daphne's wedding present? Martin: Now Frasier, not everyone likes jerky as much as you and me. Frasier: No, I just want to get her something special, especially since her mother seems to be taking all the joy out of it for her. Martin: Oh, well, how about a nice piece of luggage? You know, a good hard suitcase, like the kind people used to put stickers on to show everybody where they've been. Remember your grandad's? His whole life was on it: Topeka, Sioux Falls, Biloxi... it was like a map of the world. Frasier: What a loss to us all that he failed to write his memoirs. I'm thinking of something that would matter to Daphne. [hiccups] Oh, something that shows her how we feel. [hiccups] Good Lord, that's a little spicy, isn't it? [gets a bottle of water from fridge] You know, maybe we should get something for her wedding. Martin: Like what? Frasier: Well, I don't know, her flowers, say? That's it, we could offer to pay for her wedding flowers. Martin: That's a bit pricy, isn't it? Frasier: Well don't worry about it, Dad. [hiccups] You just donate what you can and I'll pay for the rest. [hiccups] God, what was in that jerky? Martin: Well, you just ate it too fast. Next time you have to savor it a little. Frasier: Dad, I'm never going to taste that vile stuff again. [hiccups] Oh, spoke too soon. Frasier enters the room to find Daphne. Frasier: Daphne, may I have a word with you, please? Daphne: What is it, Dr. Crane? Frasier: Well, it's about you wedding gift. Now, I know it's not traditionally the role of a friend but we consider you family, so please don't say no. Dad and I would be honoured to pay for your wedding... [hiccups] Daphne: [taking it in] Pay for my wedding? Frasier: [holds out his hand but hiccups] Daphne: How wonderful! [hugs a hiccuping Frasier] I could never imagine. Martin enters with the jerky. Martin: What's all the hubbub? Daphne: Dr. Crane, just told me about your incredible wedding present. You people are heaven-sent. Martin: Well, I'm glad you like it. You know what, we're going to throw in a piece of luggage as well. Daphne: [tearful] I'm just so overwhelmed. Daphne exits to the kitchen. Martin: See, I told you, everybody loves luggage. Frasier: Dad, she thinks we're paying for her whole wedding. Martin: What? Frasier: Well, I tried to say wedding flowers, but then I hiccuped. Martin: Well, I'm not paying for her wedding. Frasier: Of course not, I'm just going to clear this whole thing up right now before it goes any further. [calls] Daphne! Daphne enters. Daphne: You know what this means, don't you? Now that mum's not paying, she can't make me have it in England. I can have my wedding how I want it, where I want it: right here. You've answered my prayers. [cries in delight and exits back to kitchen] Frasier and Martin look at each other. The doorbell sounds. Daphne: [o.s] Could someone let Donny in? Martin: Well look, Donny's a very traditional guy. He's not going to let us pay for his wedding. Frasier: Right, you saw how he proposed to her; on bended knee. He's nothing but a hopeless romantic. And so Frasier opens the door to hear Donny on the phone saying: Donny: Any idiot knows you've got to pay a hooker in cash! I'm at a meeting, I'll call you later, bye. [hangs up and greets the rest] I've got this client, he's in the middle of a divorce, right, and his wife finds all these charges from this place called "Executive Match." It turns out to be a call girl service. When she gets through with him she'll have his house, his car, she'd have his beach house too if I hadn't already taken it. Women! Then Daphne bursts in and hugs Donny, still excited. Donny: Hi, honey. Daphne: Hi sweetie. [kisses him] Have they told you yet? Donny: Told me what? Daphne: You're not going to believe this, but Dr. Crane and his father have offered to pay for our entire wedding. Donny: [takes it in] Is this a joke? Frasier: It could be. Donny: I mean, it's one thing for us to let your family pay, they're your parents, it's traditional. But this is... Frasier: Going too far? Being presumptuous? Martin: Yeah, we don't want to step on any toes. Daphne: I didn't think you'd be uncomfortable with this. Frasier: Well, he clearly is, Daphne. Martin: Donny's right! We're not family. Frasier and Martin try to get out of it until Donny realises his bad manners. Donny: Wait, wait, wait, what am I doing? Here you guys, you're making this lovely gesture and I'm just insulting you. I mean if you guys are not family to Daphne, then who is? Course you can pay for the wedding. Thank you, thank you. Donny hugs Frasier and Martin who cringe at the thought of the cost. Daphne: I just knew he'd see how much this meant to you. I'm tearing up again. Donny: No, don't start with the water works because you're going to get me going. [notices jerky] What's this? Jerky? Can I have some of that? Martin: Help yourself. Donny: [reads box] Made from filet mignon. How much did this stuff set you back? Frasier: You have no idea! End of Act One. Act Two. Scene One - Café Nervosa. Daphne is going through her plans for the wedding with Frasier. Daphne: Now, as far as the reception goes, I've narrowed it down to two places. I'm leaning towards "Captain Jonah's." The view of the water's lovely. But you have to walk through a whale's mouth to get inside. Frasier: I hesitate to ask how you exit. Daphne: I've got to run. I've a meeting with the DJ. Daphne leaves. The woman seated behind Frasier, covering her head with a newspaper puts her read down, revealing herself as Roz. She comes over. Roz: I thought she'd never leave! Frasier: Good God, Roz, how long have you been there? Roz: Since you two walked in and trapped me. Frasier: Aren't you taking this a bit too far just trying to avoid an unflattering dress? Roz: Yeah, I thought you'd say that. That's why I've been carrying around this picture of the last time I was a bridesmaid. Roz hands her photo to Frasier. Frasier: Good Lord, Roz, you look like you've been tented for termites. Roz whips the photo back again. Roz: Well, it sounds like she's having fun planning her wedding. Frasier: Yes, well, now that she can have things her way and not her mother's. Roz: She's lucky you came along. Frasier: Well, yes and no. You know, I sit here and let her make questionable choices and I say nothing because I know it's going to cost me less. I'm sorry, I've got to change my thinking about this whole thing. What good is my money, if I'm denying her the best gift I have to offer: my taste and expertise? Frankly, what Daphne really deserves is the gift of Frasier. Roz: Suddenly that crock pot I'm giving them doesn't sound so bad. Frasier: Oh, shut up! Roz exits as Niles appears from the back of the café with a delightful smile upon his face. Frasier: Hello, Niles. You look like a man who's been waiting to be asked why he's grinning. Niles: Oh, I was just thinking about the other day when you said how you thought dating services were all a big con. Well, I just got conned into meeting the most enchanting woman. Frasier: I don't know what to say. Niles: And I owe it all to "Executive Match." Frasier: Now I do. The name of this service is "Executive Match?" Niles: Right, and you thought these women all beneath me. Frasier: Beneath you and countless others. Niles, do you have any idea... Then Sabrina walks in. She looks like the average ditzy blonde. She is on her cell phone. Niles calls her, but Sabrina signals him to pipe down and she'll be with him in a second. Niles: She's always on the phone. Whatever it is she does for a living, she's in great demand. Frasier: So you have no idea what line of work Sabrina's in. Niles: I'm guessing high-priced lawyer. I heard her quote her hourly rate on the phone. Believe me, you don't want to be on the receiving end of that bill. [laughs] Frasier: Niles, I feel I must warn you... Niles: Oh please, spare me your condescending advice. Why can't you simply say you were wrong? Frasier: You have no idea what you're doing! Niles: I know exactly what I'm doing! And you could learn a thing or two from me, Mister One-Date-And It's Over. I am taking it slow with Sabrina. Frasier: You mean you haven't? Niles: ...haven't? Frasier: Haven't...? Niles: Oh, please! Are you mad, you don't proposition a woman like that on the first date. Last night, I dropped her home after dinner with nothing more than a courtly kiss on the wrist. Tonight may proceed to hand holding. If all goes well, in two weeks I shall storm the citadel of her womanhood. Sabrina comes over. Niles stands and kisses her wrist. Niles: Sabrina, this is Frasier. Frasier: Hello, lovely to meet you. Sabrina: Nice to meet you. You really have a great brother. He's charming and witty and intelligent and handsome. [laughs] Niles: I paid her to say that. [laughs] Frasier: Of course you did! [SCENE_BREAK] THE GIFT OF FRASIER Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. The room is full of things for the wedding. The dinner table is complete with tablecloths, flowers and food. There is a harp next to the piano. Frasier is just showing the florist out as the doorbell sounds. He opens the door to the dove man (who has a box of doves with him) and Daphne. Frasier: Finally, the doves have arrived. Come in, come in. [he does] [to florist] Lathbert, thank you so much for coming, lovely flowers, I'll let you know. Daphne: [enters and closes door] Dr. Crane, was that the florist for my wedding? Frasier: In his dreams! God, the man's arrangements are one big cliché. Look at this, his answer to everything is baby's breath, baby's breath, baby's breath. [points to flowers] Daphne: Does that woman with the harp have something to do with my wedding too? Frasier: No, Daphne, she's selling them door to door. Of course it's for your wedding. She's auditioning. Daphne: Dr. Crane, I really don't think... Then Martin enters from his room. Martin: Oh good, Daphne, you're here too. Listen, I want to show you guys a little something I thought up for the wedding. [acting as a minister] It is now the time in the ceremony for the rings. May I have them, please? Eddie runs in with a little basket containing two rings. He runs up and jumps on the couch, allowing Martin to take them. Martin: Course, it's a lot more effective when he's in his little tux. Frasier: Dad, please, it's all just a bit much, isn't it? We don't want to turn this wedding into a circus. Now, the dove man. Daphne: Dr. Crane, about the doves... Frasier: Just picture it, Daphne. Aren't they something? As you and Donny exit the church one dozen white birds of peace will be released and circle above. Of course, we'll use fourteen in actuality - the power lines always take out a few. Frasier lets the dove man out. Daphne: Dr. Crane, about the doves, well it just seems a little grand. I mean, what's wrong with throwing a bit of rice? Frasier: Well, if you want rice, of course, you'll have rice. [then] Sometimes it seems nothing I do is good enough. Daphne: No, no, no, I suppose doves will be fine. Martin: [noticed a reverend in the kitchen] Frasier, is that Reverend Franklin in the kitchen? Frasier: Yes it is, Dad. Martin: You're auditioning our minister for the wedding? Daphne: Don't you think Donny and I should have a say in who marries us? Frasier: Of course, Daphne, I'm just whittling down the possibilities. The final choice is yours. Chef Marco then enters with some cooked mushrooms from the kitchen. Marco: Who's tasting the first course? Frasier: Oh, that would me. [Marco exits] Daphne: Who's that? Frasier: That's Chef Marco from the Mercer Club, Daphne. Today we'll be sampling each of our four courses. Daphne: No, I was planning on serving a buffet. That way people can mingle, it's more festive. Frasier: We are talking about your wedding, not brunch with all the fixin's at "Billy Bob's Blackjack Boomtown." The doorbell sounds. Frasier opens the door to Niles on the arm of Sabrina. Niles: Hello, Frasier, you remember Sabrina. Frasier: Yes, of course, lovely to see you. Niles, what are you doing here? Niles: Oh, we're out for an afternoon of bird watching. It's the start of mating season, you know. [winks at Frasier] Just wanted to introduce my new girlfriend to Dad. Dad, this is Sabrina. They give their greetings. Martin: [impressed] Hey, nice to meet you. Sabrina: Nice to meet you too. I should really call my office, about how long do you think we'll be gone? Niles: Er, about eight hours. Sabrina: Great! Sabrina goes off to the hallway as Frasier responds to Sabrina's last remark. The doorbell sounds again. Daphne answers it to Roz, who tries to get away quickly. She has papers in her hand. Roz: Oh, Daphne, I didn't know you were going to be here. I just want to drop these off for Frasier. [hands them to her] Daphne: Roz, I'm glad you dropped by, I need to talk to you about my wedding. Do you mind if we speak in the hallway? Roz: Actually, I don't have much time. Daphne: [follows her into hallway and shuts door behind her] Well, then I'll get right to it. However the elevator opens to a delivery man with a dress. Deliveryman: Excuse me, do you know where Dr. Crane lives? Daphne: Right here, can I help you? Deliveryman: I'm dropping off this bridesmaid dress. Daphne: Oh, I'll take that. I'm the bride. The delivery man goes back down in the elevator. As Daphne goes on with her speech, Roz examines the beautiful silk wedding dress. She is hardly listening to Daphne. Daphne: What I need to ask you is, how do you ever get Dr. Crane to listen to you... Roz: Is this the bridesmaid dress? Daphne: He's driving me mad. He doesn't listen to anything I say... Roz: The woman you ask to be bridesmaid gets to wear this? Daphne: And the worst part is... Roz: Is that silk? Daphne: Well, he's just like my mother, controlling and stubborn. I mean, what am I going to do? Roz: [then] Well, Daphne, it's your wedding. Just tell Frasier how you feel. Daphne: Yeah, well that's a bit difficult for me. You see, there was no talking to my mother. Anytime I sort of tried all I hear is "Just do it my way, you'll thank me later." Every time she said that I just wanted to explode. Roz: Look, Frasier's a reasonable guy. Just go in there and be direct. Daphne: You're right, I'm going to and... Roz, I was going to ask you if you wanted to be one of my bridesmaids? Roz: [obvious acting] Oh my God, are you serious? This is coming out of nowhere. I'd love to. They hug. [N.B. In fact, Jane Leeves was a bridesmaid at Peri Gilpin's wedding to her husband, artist Christian Vincent.] Daphne: Don't worry. Once I'm in charge you won't have to wear this thing Dr. Crane picked out. I mean, he calls this a bridesmaid dress! The sleeves aren't even puffy. Daphne enters the apartment as Roz angrily presses the lift button. Meanwhile, Martin and Sabrina are chatting away. Martin: So, how long have you guys been seeing each other? Sabrina: Let's see. Since we've met it's been about seventeen, no, eighteen hours. Niles: She actually counts the minutes we've been together. Frasier: Niles, may I see you in the kitchen? Niles: Excuse me. Frasier heads to the kitchen with Niles. Daphne stops them. Daphne: [confronting] Dr. Crane, I need to talk to you. Frasier: Not now, Daphne. Daphne: [nervous] All right. Niles and Frasier enter the kitchen. Niles: All right, what is it? Frasier: Niles, it's about Sabrina. She's a prostitute. Niles: Frasier, I don't like lawyers anymore than you do, but frankly a man whose face is plastered on every bus in town should be careful what terms he bandies about. Frasier: Niles! "Executive Match" is an escort service. One of Donny's clients was caught using them. Niles: I don't believe you. Frasier: Niles, does Sabrina laugh at everything you say, is she fascinated by everything about you, even your collections? Niles: Well, yes. Actually, I even showed her my rarely-seen collection of eighteenth century Portuguese bud vases. Frasier: And how did she react? Niles: Well, if you must know, she was rather aroused. She said she loved a man who collected porcelain and- [clicks] Oh my God, I'm dating a whore! They have my credit card number, I've been running up a tab! [looks at watch and calculates bill] I've got to get her out of here! Niles rushes into the living room with Frasier. The gang are in with Reverend Franklin. Niles: Sabrina, we should be going. Martin: What's the hurry? We're having a nice conversation. Sabrina: Yeah, I love your dad. Frasier: Did I mention he used to be a police officer? Sabrina: Maybe we should go. [gets up] Franklin: Surely you can stay a little while, I haven't seen Niles in ages. [to Sabrina] You know, I used to teach him in Sunday school. Martin: Oh, you know Reverend, I can still remember dropping him off for his first class. It seems like only yesterday. Suddenly harp music begins playing. The type that is used in movies when they are having a flashback. Everybody thinks this weird and starts looking around only to find it to be the harp player auditioning. Frasier: Oh, Daphne, I believe I have chosen your bouquet. [picks one up] It's hand-woven out of pygmy orchids. Daphne: Dr. Crane, I really need to talk to you. Frasier: Well, of course, Daphne. First let's sample the Porcinni mushrooms. They're exquisite. Daphne: But I don't like mushrooms! Frasier: You only think you don't, you haven't tried these. Daphne: Dr. Crane, this is really... Frasier: Try this for me, you'll thank me later. Daphne: [bursts angrily] You'll thank me later?! I've heard that my whole life, well, no more! [chasing Frasier round the room] I'm doing my wedding my way. And if that means I want rice instead of doves and a DJ instead of a harp, then that's what I'll have. I don't want your advice, I don't want your money and I don't want your mushrooms. I'm in charge of this wedding now. [picks up bouquet] And what kind of a git walks down the aisle carrying something of pygmy orchids! Daphne throws the bouquet angrily and marches off to her room. Sabrina catches the bouquet and links her arm with Niles. The two are now standing in front of Reverend Franklin as the harp player strikes up Handel's "Wedding March." Niles takes the bouquet and throws them on the floor. They all look at him. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment. Later that day, Martin and Eddie are sat at the dinner table as Frasier walks back from a visit to Daphne's room. Martin: Is she all right? Frasier: She's fine. We had a nice talk. Martin: Well, that's good. Wedding still on track? Frasier: Absolutely. Martin: You just got a little carried away, that's all. Frasier: Oh, I guess so, yeah. You know, it suddenly occurred to me when I was talking to Daphne that I never really got the wedding of my dreams either. Oh sure, you know, my first one was a little clandestine affair we dashed off at the city hall. I could have hardly imagined a wedding more lacking in ceremony. Until my second wedding, which was lacking a bride. Then came Lilith. If I knew then what I know now, I would have walked down the aisle with the ice sculpture and had her stand by the buffet table to keep the shrimp cold. Martin: Oh, so you've had a few bad weddings. Frasier: I guess I was just taking my last best shot at the wedding I shall never have for myself. Martin: Oh, come on. Frasier: Oh, let's face it, Dad: I'm no spring chicken. Do you really see me getting married again? Martin: Well, I guess I've had my doubts, but right here, right now, I think: yeah, you're going to meet someone. Frasier: Do you really think so? Martin: Yes I do and I'll tell you why. If Niles can meet a great gal like Sabrina, then there's hope for all of us. He gets up and exits. Despite Martin's mistake, Frasier can't help but smile. End of Act Two. [SCENE_BREAK] Café Nervosa: Roz is waiting when Daphne enters with the bridesmaid dress of her choice - emerald green satin, puffy sleeves and gold bows. It's hideous. Roz pretends enthusiasm as Daphne holds it up to her, then piles Roz's hair on top of her head in the fashion she imagines for the wedding, and gets choked up at how beautiful she thinks Roz looks. Roz maintains a cheerful front till Daphne turns her back, then she collapses in tears.

Frasier is trying to decide on a wedding present for Daphne and Donny, and Roz is apprehensive in case she is asked to be a bridesmaid, recalling her previous experiences, all of which involved wearing awful dresses. Frasier wishes to offer to pay for Daphne's wedding flowers, but is interrupted by hiccups brought on by some jerky Martin made him eat, and inadvertently offers to pay for the wedding. Meanwhile, Niles has met an attractive woman through what he presumes to be a dating service , but is in fact an escort agency .

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5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. CENTRAL CHAMBER DOCTOR: I don't think he's quite awake yet! (VICKI laughs but the good mood is shattered as she lets out an ear piercing scream. From behind a frosted glass partition in the black spaceship wall, a pair of hideous round alien eyes are starting out at them...) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. PASSAGEWAY (A CHUMBLEY moves along the passageway.) AIRLOCK (It reaches the end of the passageway and turns the corner into another.) WILLIAM EMMS [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. CENTRAL CHAMBER (The DOCTOR and VICKI turn as they hear the sound of the CHUMBLEY approaching.) DOCTOR: There's a Chumbley coming! Quickly! (They both rush toward one of the passageways and pull to a halt as they see it is the one that the CHUMBLEY is moving down.) VICKI: Oh, Doctor! DOCTOR: Hurry! Quick! (They turn and flee down another passageway. The CHUMBLEY enters the central chamber. It pauses and then goes down the passageway taken by the DOCTOR and VICKI.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. PASSAGEWAY (The DOCTOR and VICKI hurry along, the sound of pursuing CHUMBLIES not far behind them.) DOCTOR: Come on! VICKI: (Breathlessly.) Come on, Doctor! (The DOCTOR sees the exit to the outside.) DOCTOR: (Breathlessly.) This way out. Come on! We'll make it! (They reach the entrance. The DOCTOR is a little way ahead of VICKI, who turns to look behind her.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: EXT. THE RILL CENTRE (The DOCTOR emerges and turns back to VICKI. As she is about to exit, a heavy iron grill slams down in front of her. She grips the bars frantically and looks out.) DOCTOR: Oh! Ah! VICKI: Oh! Doctor! (The DOCTOR runs over and examines the bars.) DOCTOR: (Breathlessly) I can't move it! It's immovable! Wait, wait, wait! I have an idea. (The DOCTOR looks around and sees the mechanism on the wall he examined before.) DOCTOR: I might be able to sabotage them. Now be patient. (He moves across to the mechanism and takes out a screwdriver from his pocket. VICKI waits, grasping the bars while looking behind her, expecting the CHUMBLEY at any minute. The DOCTOR quickly examines the air-converter unit.) DOCTOR: We know what this machine's for. This is to convert air into ammonia gas. VICKI: (With desperation) Doctor, hurry up! DOCTOR: Yes, now, have patience child. (He starts to take it apart.) DOCTOR: When I've finished with...this machine, I'm sure they will release you. VICKI: Never mind about that, release these bars! DOCTOR: No! No! That's the last thing we do. This is the thing that gives them the gas to breathe with. VICKI: You don't know that for certain! DOCTOR: My dear child, the Rills can't go outside. It's a foregone conclusion. (VICKI turns once more and looks down the passageway.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. PASSAGEWAY (Two CHUMBLIES moves along the passageway and reach VICKI. The DOCTOR appears on the other side of the bars and looks in. The CHUMBLIES make signs just as the one they first met did.) VICKI: (Fearfully.) Doctor! They...I think they...want me to go with them. DOCTOR: Well, I think you... you'd better do what they want, hmm? VICKI: (Nervously.) But Doctor, that thing in there - that thing looking out of the window, what... DOCTOR: Yes, that was one of the Rills, I suppose. VICKI: (Softly.) Doctor, I'm so scared. DOCTOR: Now, look, you go with them, quickly, but don't cause any trouble. It'll give me time to see if I can help you. I think perhaps I can do something with that machine, but I must have time! Hmm? Yes? VICKI: All right. Be quick. DOCTOR: All right, don't worry. Goodbye! (VICKI eyes the CHUMBLEY and moves toward it. The CHUMBLEY backs away. VICKI moves down the passageway followed by the CHUMBLEY. Another CHUMBLEY moves to meet her, and they nudge her toward the central chamber.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: EXT. THE RILL CENTRE (Having watched her go, the DOCTOR moves away from the bars and resumes work on the air-converter with his screwdriver.) DOCTOR: Dah! [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP (STEVEN is still in the padded corner. He is lying down, apparently asleep.) DRAHVIN TWO: Maaga, shall we go? MAAGA: Where? DRAHVIN TWO: To patrol. MAAGA: I see no need. DRAHVIN TWO: To see what the other two are doing. MAAGA: No. DRAHVIN TWO: But, Maaga... MAAGA: Can you hear me? DRAHVIN TWO: We always go out on patrol at this time. MAAGA: Yes, but not now. (The three DRAHVINS look uneasily at one another.) MAAGA: Soldier Drahvins, you can't understand anything that's different, can you? You are made unintelligent, and you remain that way for the rest of your lives. (MAAGA turns away and sighs, talking almost to herself.) MAAGA: I told them soldiers were no good for space work. All they can do is kill. But they wouldn't listen. If you are to conquer space, they said, you will need soldiers. So here I am confronted with danger. I'm the only one able to think! (She turns back to the others.) MAAGA: Very well. I am your...commanding officer. I am your controller, am I not? DRAHVIN TWO: Yes, Maaga. MAAGA: And you obey my orders? DRAHVIN TWO: Yes, Maaga. MAAGA: Why? DRAHVIN TWO: Because you are our leader. MAAGA: And? DRAHVIN TWO: You think. MAAGA: And you don't know what that means. (The DRAHVINS are silent.) MAAGA: But because I think, I order that there will be no patrol now. We have a prisoner. In order to save him, the other two must help us. (She looks towards STEVEN.) DRAHVIN ONE: I do not understand why they would want to help a friend. MAAGA: I know you don't. DRAHVIN ONE: We would not. We would leave him here. MAAGA: Yes... (Laughs.) ...we would. But I have heard of creatures like these. They help one another. DRAHVIN THREE: Why, Maaga? MAAGA: I don't know. I have heard, that on occasions, they even die for one another. (The DRAHVINS look confused.) DRAHVIN THREE: Die? For their friends? MAAGA: There are many strange things in the universe. DRAHVIN TWO: I do not understand. MAAGA: (Harshly.) I know you don't. But, despite that, you will obey orders! (The three DRAHVINS bow their heads submissively. After a pause, MAAGA speaks softly, almost to herself.) MAAGA: It may be that we shall kill neither the Rills nor these Earth creatures. Not with our own hands, that is. It may be better for us to escape in the Rills' spaceship and leave them here. (Softly excited.) And then...when we are out in space, we can look back. We will see a vast, white, exploding planet...and know that they have died with it! DRAHVIN ONE: But we will not see them die. MAAGA: (Softly.) You will not! But I, at least, have enough intelligence to imagine it. The fear...the horror...the shuddering of a planet in its last moments of life! And then they die. (Sighs.) But that is for later. (She turns back to the DRAHVINS and issues instructions to them each, in turn.) MAAGA: Attention! (To DRAHVIN TWO.) You will rest. (To DRAHVIN THREE.) You will guard the prisoner. (To DRAHVIN ONE.) You will go out and look for the Earth creatures. Open the door. (DRAHVIN THREE moves round the table, picking up her gun as she does so. She crosses to a chair near STEVEN and sits down, the gun across her lap. DRAHVIN TWO goes into the inner room whilst ONE goes outside. MAAGA goes over and looks down at STEVEN.) DRAHVIN ONE: He sleeps. MAAGA: But you will not! He must not move! (MAAGA goes into the inner room. As she does so, STEVEN opens his eyes slightly and squints up at DRAHVIN THREE, who is staring straight ahead.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. CENTRAL CHAMBER (A CHUMBLEY backs in followed by VICKI. She searches about her and looks nervously at the place where she saw the watching eyes. The shutter on the door is closed. Another CHUMBLEY comes out of the passageway. The two CHUMBLIES chatter to themselves for a moment, then, from the CHUMBLEY facing VICKI, comes a high-pitched sound. VICKI stares at it blankly. It stops, twitters at her once or twice more, then falls silent. The CHUMBLEY behind VICKI nudges her. She puts up with this for a few moments then angrily reacts.) VICKI: Oh, stop doing that! What do you want, anyway? (At once, a series of varying sounds comes from the CHUMBLEY, which resolve into a repeat of VICKI'S question speeded up, then repeated but slower, over and over again...) RILL VOICE: What do you want anyway? What do you want anyway? What do you want anyway? What do you want anyway? (Finally, the statement comes out of the CHUMBLEY at a normal rate in a deep sonorous male voice.) RILL VOICE: What do you want anyway? (Then from the CHUMBLEY, as though it has now deciphered VICKI'S words, comes intelligible speech.) RILL VOICE: We are sorry to separate you from your friend, but it was necessary. (VICKI is surprised. She jumps as the shutter in front of the glass slides open. The eyes can be seen looking through at her and they are attached to a tusked creature which is wreathed in smoke. VICKI looks from the window to the CHUMBLEY.) VICKI: (Fearfully.) Who are you? RILL VOICE: Who are you? VICKI: (Fearfully.) We're, er...we're time travellers. From the planet Earth. RILL VOICE: (Suspiciously.) I see. You were sent here by the Drahvins? VICKI: Yes. RILL VOICE: (Threateningly.) To do us harm? VICKI: (Fearfully.) No! No, you see...the Drahvins are...keeping a friend of ours...prisoner. So, we had to do as they said. RILL VOICE: What was that? VICKI: (Reluctantly.) To capture your spaceship. RILL VOICE: Why do they want to capture it? We have offered to take them with us. VICKI: They didn't tell us that! RILL VOICE: No. They would not. They would rather kill. They hate us. VICKI: Well, you did kill one of them. RILL VOICE: (Shouts.) We kill no one! VICKI: But they... (VICKI suddenly gathers her courage.) VICKI: Look, who is talking? Is it...is it this Chumbley, or is it... (She looks toward the open shutter.) VICKI: ...someone else? RILL VOICE: You call the machines Chumblies? VICKI: Yes. RILL VOICE: The Chumblies have a speaker in them. They are transmitting our thoughts. VICKI: Your... your thoughts? RILL VOICE: We do not speak like you. We have no vocal chords. We communicate in thought. VICKI: Who are you? RILL VOICE: We are the Rills. VICKI: Why can't I see you? RILL VOICE: It is better that you do not. Not all the dominant species in the universe look like humans. Our appearance might shock you as it shocked the Drahvins. [SCENE_BREAK] 10: EXT. THE RILL CENTRE (The DOCTOR has now removed some of the top plates from the air converter and is peering in. He is hard at work with his screwdriver.) DOCTOR: Hmm! [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. CENTRAL CHAMBER VICKI: (Firmly.) The Drahvins said that you attacked them. RILL VOICE: That is short of the truth. We were investigating outer space when we encountered a strange ship. Rills do not attack or kill without good reason, so we stopped our ship. Their ship also stopped. We hung in space facing each other. We could have turned and gone away, but we were afraid that we would be attacked. VICKI: Yes, what happened? RILL VOICE: For four dawns we hung there. Then we decided to turn. As we were doing so the Drahvins fired. Immediately we did the same, and both ships crashed. When we escaped from our ship we discovered that we could not breathe the atmosphere here, but we had a small supply of our own, and set out to help the Drahvins. (As the RILL speaks through the CHUMBLEY, what happened appears as a flashback through the RILL'S eyes.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: EXT. PLANET (FLASHBACK) (Glimpses of other RILLS can be seen, but none clearly, as they are at the edge of vision. As the RILL looks around, a Drahvin is seen, lying face down on the ground.) RILL VOICE: (OOV.) The first one we found was badly injured. (The RILL moves in on the wounded Drahvin.) RILL VOICE: (OOV.) We started to help the soldier. (The RILL looks up - a cold-faced MAAGA is approaching.) RILL VOICE: (OOV.) Then Maaga, their leader, appeared. She started to shoot at us, so we left. (MAAGA fires at the RILLS who start to back off.) RILL VOICE: (OOV.) We could have fought back. Our weapons are superior to theirs. But, we do not kill! The Drahvins do! (MAAGA aims her gun at the injured Drahvin and fires.) RILL VOICE: (OOV.) When we looked back, we saw Maaga kill the injured soldier. [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. CENTRAL CHAMBER VICKI: But all the Drahvins believe that you did that! RILL VOICE: We know. That is why they keep attacking us. VICKI: Would you really have taken those people off with you? RILL VOICE: Why not? What do we gain if they die? (VICKI looks at the Rill through the open shutters.) RILL VOICE: We will help you rescue your friend. (VICKI does not respond.) RILL VOICE: Something is worrying you? VICKI: Yes, I...I wish I could see the whole of you. RILL VOICE: It is better that you don't. Besides, we cannot come out. In order to live we must have ammoniac gas. So we live in here in a compartment where it is filtered in. VICKI: (Horrified.) You mean you can't breathe oxygen at all? RILL VOICE: No. Our home planet... (VICKI tries to leave, but the CHUMBLEY blocks her path.) RILL VOICE: What is it? VICKI: (Desperately.) You must let me out quickly, or you'll all be killed! RILL VOICE: (Horrified.) Killed? By whom? VICKI: By the Doctor - he's trying to wreck your machine for making ammoniac gas! (The CHUMBLEY moves out of the way and VICKI dashes off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: EXT. THE RILL CENTRE (The DOCTOR is still working at the air-converter mechanism. It is now partially dismantled.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP (STEVEN is still pretending to be asleep, but is squinting at the DRAHVIN that is guarding him, who is herself nodding off to sleep. Slowly, STEVEN eases himself up into a sitting position. He eases his legs down to the floor. There is a creak. The DRAHVIN reacts slightly but continues to doze. STEVEN slowly reaches toward the DRAHVIN'S gun. With one movement he snatches the gun, clasps a hand over the DRAHVIN'S mouth, and keeps moving forward so that the DRAHVIN and the chair she is sitting on topple over backwards. Holding the gun, STEVEN prepares to cover the DRAHVIN, but he realizes that the fall has knocked her unconscious. He listens. All is silent. He moves toward the lever that opens the door. There is a humming sound and the door begins to slide open. At the same time, MAAGA enters the main room, gun in hand.) MAAGA: He's trying to escape! (STEVEN leaps toward the outer door, but it is closed. He turns back to see MAAGA, by now joined by the other DRAHVINS, approaching. He points his gun at them.) STEVEN: Stop! (They halt. MAAGA comes forward.) MAAGA: Don't shoot. You can't escape. Give up and we will not harm you. STEVEN: Oh, I'd be a fool to believe that, wouldn't I? [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP. AIRLOCK (He glances to the side and sees two buttons on the wall. While still pointing his gun at the DRAHVINS, he presses one button and the inner door slides shut, sealing him off from the DRAHVINS. He presses the other button, and the outer door opens. He exits.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: EXT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP (STEVEN emerges and looks warily about. He is about to move off when he sees a CHUMBLEY approaching. He stares at it, gun at the ready, then looks back at the spaceship. He makes his decision and heads back into the airlock.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP. AIRLOCK (He presses the button to close the outer door, and as it closes behind him, the CHUMBLEY moves in and waits. He turns toward the inner door and, through the porthole in the door, is startled to see MAAGA standing there, a cruel smile on her face.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: EXT. THE RILL CENTRE (The DOCTOR is reaching into the machine. With a grunt of pleasure he brings out a small metal plate and drops it on the ground. Then he peers in again. Afterwards, he picks up the screwdriver and poises it over the machine. He soon starts to cough at the smell of ammoniac gas.) VICKI: (OOV: Inside the Rill centre.) Doctor! No! (The DOCTOR turns in surprise and sees a desperate VICKI running down the passageway towards him.) VICKI: Don't do it, Doctor! Doctor! DOCTOR: (Coughing.) Oh! Child! (The DOCTOR, coughing, moves away from the machine. VICKI and the CHUMBLEY walk out of the passageway as the bars slide up out of sight.) VICKI: (Breathlessly.) Oh! Oh! I was going to be too late. DOCTOR: Are you sure you're all right, child, hmm? Hmm? Hmm. VICKI: Yes. DOCTOR: Hmm. hmm. VICKI: And the Rills won't harm us. They want to help. RILL VOICE: We were told your friend is in danger. (The DOCTOR starts back, surprised by the fact that the CHUMBLEY can talk.) DOCTOR: Er... (Stutters.) ...is that a Rill talking? VICKI: Yes. DOCTOR: Hmm! VICKI: Well, answer him. DOCTOR: (Shouting.) Oh yes, you were told correctly! VICKI: (Smiles.) Doctor, they're not deaf! DOCTOR: Oh, I...I...oh, I'm sorry. I beg your pardon. I...I thought you couldn't hear. RILL VOICE: We are not deaf, you know. DOCTOR: (Embarrassed.) Ah. RILL VOICE: Perhaps you will both come inside. DOCTOR: Ah, yes. It does occurs to me that, er, if we do that we, er, might be trapped, hmm? VICKI: Doctor, if the Rills wanted to harm us, the Chumbley could shoot us now. DOCTOR: Ah, yes. Indeed. Of course, child. Yes, that's quite true, quite true. Yes. Well, lead the way! Ah...er, lead the way. (Laughs.) As it happens, I'd like to take a look round. (They walk into the passageway.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. PASSAGEWAY (Another CHUMBLEY passes them moving out of the centre.) DOCTOR: Er, what's this? What's this fellow doing, hmm? RILL VOICE: Going to repair the damage you have done. DOCTOR: (Embarrassed.) Ah, yes. Quite so. (He laughs nervously to himself, looks apologetic, and grimaces at VICKI. They move down the passageway.) DOCTOR: Tell me, what do these Rills look like, hmm? VICKI: They won't show themselves, Doctor. DOCTOR: Oh? Why ever not? (The CHUMBLEY halts and turns.) DOCTOR: Hmm? RILL VOICE: Because our appearance would not be pleasant to you. DOCTOR: Oh, what nonsense! We're not children, you know? RILL VOICE: It is best you do not see us. (The CHUMBLEY turns and moves off.) DOCTOR: Oh, very well. Carry on, carry on. (To VICKI.) Oh, what utter rubbish, isn't it? (Laughs.) (They move off after the CHUMBLEY.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. CENTRAL CHAMBER (The CHUMBLEY enters and halts, followed by the DOCTOR and VICKI. The DOCTOR looks around.) DOCTOR: Oh, yes. This... uh, this drill rigging here. Eh, tell me, what is it you're drilling for, hmm? RILL VOICE: Power. We must have power for launching our spaceship. The suns are too weak to supply this power, therefore, by drilling we may find some in the ground. DOCTOR: Very well, if you take my advice, you'll get a move on. There's very little time left. RILL VOICE: You know about the explosion of this planet? DOCTOR: Oh, yes! We know more than you. Your timing is wrong. The disintegration of this planet is not fourteen dawns away. It is now less than two dawns. RILL VOICE: (Agitated.) Two dawns! DOCTOR: Two dawns. RILL VOICE: Then we have no chance of survival! VICKI: But you've repaired your ship. RILL VOICE: Yes, but the only power we find is a gas, and that is of no use to us. We have no means of converting it into the sun-ray power we need. DOCTOR: I think I might be able to supply you with the power you need. Yes, I think I'll help you, since you're so willing to help us. RILL VOICE: We would be deeply grateful. DOCTOR: Hmm! VICKI: You keep saying we. How many of you are there? RILL VOICE: Four. VICKI: That doesn't seem many for manning a spaceship. RILL VOICE: We were twelve. Eight of us died in the crash. DOCTOR: First I will need some metal-cored cable. RILL VOICE: We have some. DOCTOR: Splendid. Splendid. I think I can put into effect the transference of power from my ship to this. Now, first of all, I must...I must have a conversion. Now is that possible? RILL VOICE: We shall do all that you say, you are our only... (The CHUMBLEY stops talking and starts chittering. There is the sound of machinery, as though from a control panel in the RILLS' chamber.) RILL VOICE: Ah. VICKI: What's that? DOCTOR: What's the matter, hmm? RILL VOICE: We have just received a message from a machine. VICKI: A Chumbley? RILL VOICE: It is by the Drahvin spaceship. It reports that a being, not Drahvin, came out of it. VICKI: (To the DOCTOR.) Steven. RILL VOICE: It detected that he was a friend of yours, but before contact could be made, he went back in again. VICKI: He still thinks the Chumblies are dangerous, you see. (To the DOCTOR.) Doctor, let me go and tell him... DOCTOR: (Interrupting.) That won't be necessary, my dear. He's quite capable enough of looking after himself. (To the CHUMBLEY.) Now, the cable, please, the cable! [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP (MAAGA and the DRAHVIN'S watch STEVEN through a window in the airlock door. MAAGA speaks to him through an intercom.) MAAGA: Do you hear me, Earthman? (STEVEN looks at her.) STEVEN: (Over intercom.) Yes, I hear you. MAAGA: Throw down your gun, and we will set you free. [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP. AIRLOCK (Defiantly STEVEN looks at his gun and grips it tighter.) MAAGA: (Over intercom.) Very well, but if you try to come through here, you may kill one of us, but we will surely kill you. (STEVEN turns and looks through the outer door.) MAAGA: (Over intercom.) Yes, outside a Rills' machine waits to kill also. STEVEN: All right. Then I'll stay here. I may be trapped but you can't harm me. MAAGA: (Over intercom.) You are in the airlock. On the wall there are some dials. They are pressure gauges. (STEVEN looks toward them.) STEVEN: So? [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP MAAGA: We can empty the oxygen out of that section, and you will suffocate. [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP. AIRLOCK (Alarmed, STEVEN looks around and moves to touch the button that opens the outer door.) MAAGA: (Over intercom.) If you touch that, the door will open completely, leaving you at the mercy of the machine. [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP (DRAHVIN TWO and DRAHVIN THREE are at a control.) DRAHVIN TWO: (To MAAGA.) Ready? MAAGA: Pressure? DRAHVIN TWO: Normal. MAAGA: Temperature? DRAHVIN TWO: Normal. MAAGA: Good. Empty the airlock! (The DRAHVINS operate the control and the sound of escaping gas is heard.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP. AIRLOCK (STEVEN looks at one of the dials. The needle is flickering and drops very slightly.) MAAGA: (Over intercom.) Yes, Earthman. The air is already leaving the airlock. You have three choices. STEVEN: Three? MAAGA: (Over intercom.) Stay there and die, go outside and be killed by the machine, or surrender! (STEVEN looks around desperately. The needle on the dial drops further.) [SCENE_BREAK] 28: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. CENTRAL CHAMBER (VICKI is helping the DOCTOR to coil up some cable. The CHUMBLIES are there and the RILL watches from the other side of the shuttered door.) DOCTOR: Yes, good. Good. Yes, I think that's enough. That should be all right. Now then, let me have your arm. That's splendid. Now, follow me to the ship. RILL VOICE: Our thanks. (There are more noises from one of the CHUMBLIES.) VICKI: What does that mean? RILL VOICE: The Chumbley has reported that your friend is still in the ship. But he is making noises it cannot understand. It says they sound like...cries of distress! VICKI: Doctor! DOCTOR: I must go at once! (He turns to leave.) RILL VOICE: (Shouts.) You cannot help him alone! We will send two more Chumbley machines with you. DOCTOR: But what can they do? RILL VOICE: (Shouts.) Cut open the ship, if necessary! VICKI: Doctor, come on! DOCTOR: Hmm? RILL VOICE: Go! Quickly! The Chumbley reports that the sounds are weakening! DOCTOR: You stay here, child! VICKI: No, I'm coming with you! DOCTOR: All right! Come, then, come! Come along! (He points to one of the CHUMBLIES.) DOCTOR: And you - stay here until you receive a message! Come on! Quickly! Quickly! (The DOCTOR and VICKI follow the other CHUMBLIES into the passageway.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. THE RILL CENTRE. PASSAGEWAY (The CHUMBLIES, the DOCTOR, and VICKI rush along the corridor.) DOCTOR: Quick! [SCENE_BREAK] 30: EXT. THE RILL CENTRE (The CHUMBLIES exit the centre, followed by the DOCTOR and VICKI. Together they hurry off in the direction of the DRAHVIN spaceship.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: EXT. PLANET (They approach the DRAHVIN'S spaceship. Without warning, DRAHVIN ONE appears. She aims her gun at them.) DRAHVIN ONE: Halt or I fire! Do not move! DOCTOR: What is wrong? DRAHVIN ONE: Where are you going? DOCTOR: Back to your spaceship, of course. (DRAHVIN ONE indicates the accompanying CHUMBLIES.) DRAHVIN ONE: The machines are our enemies. Why do you bring them too? DOCTOR: We're going to help you and Maaga and the rest of them to get to the Rill spaceship. We wish to save lives, not to destroy them. DRAHVIN ONE: Maaga does not trust you! I do not trust you! VICKI: Listen, we have captured these machines. They do anything we tell them now. Watch. (To the CHUMBLIES.) Come forward. (The CHUMBLIES roll towards her watched by DRAHVIN ONE.) VICKI: Stop. (They halt.) VICKI: Go back. (They retreat.) VICKI: Stop. (The CHUMBLIES do as VICKI commands.) VICKI: You see? (Unconvinced, DRAHVIN ONE turns and fires at one of the CHUMBLIES. A horrified VICKI struggles with her and manages to get the gun.) DOCTOR: Down, madam! DRAHVIN ONE: Oh! DOCTOR: Listen to me! DRAHVIN ONE: Kill me now! I have failed my duty! DOCTOR: Nonsense! Now, let us stop this thought of killing anyone. Now, madam, back to your spaceship. Back please. (VICKI points with the gun.) VICKI: Go on! Hurry! (They move off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 32: EXT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP (Outside the DRAHIN ship, the waiting CHUMBLEY sends a message back to the Rill centre.) [SCENE_BREAK] 33: INT. DRAHVIN SPACESHIP. AIRLOCK (STEVEN is now much the worse for wear. His mouth is wide open and gasping for air.) MAAGA: (Over intercom.) Why do you not give up, Earthman? (STEVEN gets up and staggers to the wall, activating the switch to open the outer door.) STEVEN: (Gasping.) I'd rather face the Chumblies than you any day. (MAAGA laughs.) MAAGA: (Over intercom.) That will not work now. The pressure has locked the door. (STEVEN tries desperately to activate the switch.) MAAGA: (Over intercom.) You must surrender, or die! (The dial is now very low. It drops further. STEVEN collapses to the floor.)

The Doctor, Vicki and Steven arrive on an arid planet where they meet the beautiful Drahvins and the hideous Rills. Each has crash-landed after a confrontation in space. The Rills are friendly, compassionate explorers. The Drahvins are dull-witted, cloned soldiers, terrorised by the intelligent, warlike matriarch Maaga. Both ships are damaged. The Drahvins' craft is irreparable, but the Rills' is almost ready to take off. Although unable to breathe the oxygen atmosphere, they employ efficient robot drones, which Vicki nicknames "Chumblies". Despite numerous offers by the Rills to take Maaga and her crew to safety, she refuses their aid. When the planet is discovered to be on the point of disintegration, Maaga tries to force the time travellers to help her steal the Rills' ship and kill the Rills. Instead, the Doctor allows the Rills to draw power from the TARDIS to refuel and escape, leaving the Drahvins to their fate.

fd_NCIS_04x05

fd_NCIS_04x05_0

MUSIC IN: EXT. HOUSE - DAY JODY: It's a great neighborhood. Very quiet, very private. It has an oversized backyard. That's a big plus. The whole house has been newly renovated. There are upgrades all over the place. Stainless appliances, air-purification system. Total move-in condition. The furniture is rented, but if you like it, I can have the company make you a deal. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY (DOOR OPENS) JODY: Amy, you are going to love the kitchen, but first I'm going to show you guys the living room. It has a wall-mounted flat screen and a gas log fireplace. You won't believe how easy this is. One push of a button. Isn't that cozy? (SFX: FIRE LIGHTS) (SFX: JODY GASPS/ SCREAMS) (MUSIC UP AND OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY DUCKY: Make sure you capture the back of his head, too, if you would be so kind. MCGEE: You got it. JIMMY: Sorry! MCGEE: (OVERLAP) Sorry! DUCKY: There's no rush, gentlemen. Our patient isn't going anywhere. MCGEE: Well, Ducky, the old Gibbs is back. DUCKY: The old Gibbs? GIBBS: McGee! Over here. Hands and knees. On the floor. MCGEE: Okay. Um... you're not going to step on me, are you? Footprints! Footprints. Looking for footprints. It's a pretty tight weave. DUCKY: It looks like sisal. It's a naturally stiff fiber, woven from the leaf of the cactus plant. It doesn't mat, trap dust or build static. Makes it ideal for carpeting, but personally, I prefer a good shag. From a criminal-investigative standpoint. MCGEE: I don't see any dirty footprints. DUCKY: I think it's safe to assume that our friend didn't stroll in here on his own. TONY: You look happy to see me, Boss! (BEAT) Oh, it's the coffee. Ran the military ID our local LEOs got off the body. Lance Corporal James Finn stationed at Quantico. Went UA when his unit was shipped to Iraq six months ago. MCGEE: Looks like he's got a pretty good reason for not showing. GIBBS: Find out where he was buried. DUCKY: It won't be far, McGee. Had the trip been longer, some bits would have fallen off. MCGEE: Okay, I'll check the backyard. TONY: Scene's not going to sketch itself. (F/X: JIMMY BUMPS INTO TONY) (SFX: JIMMY GROANS) DUCKY: Perhaps it would be better if you fetched the gurney, Mister Palmer. I've seen all I need to see here. JIMMY: Yes, Doctor. (PASSAGE OF TIME) TONY: It's a tidy crime scene. DUCKY: Quite. It appears to be a body drop. A tertiary crime scene. Or quaternary. Or quinary. I could go on. TONY: Oh, you did. It's an odd decorating choice. Although the corpse does give the place a certain lived-in look. DUCKY: You can see, he brushed the dirt off his face. TONY: Oh, geez!! (F/X: TONY BUMPS INTO GIBBS) TONY: Sorry. DUCKY: Hello. (CHUCKLES) Nicrophorus americanus. Also known as the carrion beetle. Come here, you little monkey! Ah ah! Yeah, a reminder that Shakespeare got it wrong. We are not food for worms. It's the flies and beetles that feast upon us. GIBBS: I'm more interested in why someone did this, Doctor. DUCKY: Well, then I'll have to research the predatory, manipulative, grandiose nature of this behavior. But my first impression is that we're dealing with a complete loon. TONY: That Master's in psych is starting to pay off, Ducky. (SFX: DUCKY CHUCKLES) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. HOUSE - DAY JODY: Merciful God in Heaven! I have seen a lot of things selling real estate, but can you imagine walking in and seeing that? ZIVA: When was the last time you were here? JODY: Yesterday morning for a showing. ZIVA: And everything was normal? JODY: There was no rotting corpse in the living room if that's what you mean. ZIVA: Who else had access? JODY: A couple of dozen real estate women. The keys are in a lock box on the front door. ZIVA: Who's the owner? JODY: A local contractor... and me. I buy and Bob fixes. We split the profits. ZIVA: Bob? JODY: Robert Whitehead. The contractor. ZIVA: A number where he can be reached? JODY: Yeah. ZIVA: So who put the body here? You or Bob? JODY: Neither of us! You know, it is an empty house. If you're looking to ditch a body, that's a real plus. RICK: Jody! I came as fast as I could. Are you okay? JODY: It's my husband. I called him. (TO RICK) Just duck under the tape, Rick. ZIVA: Stop! It's a crime scene! RICK: Crime scene. Honey, you all right? ZIVA: She's fine. JODY: I am not fine. I had to cancel my one o'clock showing! MCGEE: (V.O.) I think I found where he was buried... [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BACK YARD - DAY MCGEE: I checked for footprints, but it rained last night. So everything is pretty washed out. GIBBS: You got access? MCGEE: Well, there's side access at street level. Chain link fence around the yard, but anyone with gloves could have scaled it. ZIVA: Wait for me! TONY: Did the real estate agent solve the big mystery? ZIVA: No. But she owns the property with a contractor, and every real estate agent in town had access. TONY: I think the mystery is how they expect to sell a house for six hundred grand when it only has two and a half bathrooms. MCGEE: Well, you know what they say. Location, location.... location. So, judging from the marks around the edges, I'd say the digger used a garden spade. The soil is not real packed, so it would have been easy digging for a male or female. GIBBS: You see that? MCGEE: Black plastic bags. TONY: Garbage bags. GIBBS: Body bag. Get it back to Abby. Have a soil sample. I want ground-penetrating radar. MCGEE: Uh, Boss, those techs are booked weeks in advance. I'm going to tell them it's an emergency, and I will not budge until they show. GIBBS: Who's staying with McGee? ZIVA: I can, if you want Tony to check out the other real estate women. TONY: Fine with me. GIBBS: Tony! Stay with McGee. ZIVA: You shouldn't have licked your chops like a hungry wolf. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Much better. Before I smelled like dirt and sweat. Now I smell like dirt, sweat, and sandalwood. ZIVA: Good morning! What are you doing at my desk?! TONY: I couldn't find my deodorant, so I used yours. ZIVA: You, you didn't. TONY: Yeah, we're partners. What's the big deal? ZIVA: A hair! TONY: Come on. You attach electrodes to men's testicles. You're getting squeamish about a hair? I'm not going to feel bad. Those ground-radar techs didn't show 'till dawn. McGee and I watched the sunrise together. It was very "Brokeback Mountain." MCGEE: He had me at "Howdy." ZIVA: How romantic. I'm sorry I missed it. MCGEE: Well, I can show it to you on my new phone. It takes video. Behold the majesty of the sun. ZIVA: On a two inch screen? Are we all getting those? MCGEE: Nope. I bought it. ZIVA: Expensive? MCGEE: Not really. TONY: Ha! Yeah, really. You've been dropping a lot of cash lately, McGee. New phone, new watch, new teeth. What's up? GIBBS: Ducky matched the dental records. The body downstairs is Lance Corporal Finn. Ziva, when did you - McGee! How long does it take to put on a clean shirt? MCGEE: Ten seconds. With buttons a little longer. (BEAT) Rhetorical question. ZIVA: Contractor's off the hook. He's been out of town for a week. Going to check on the real estate agents this morning. TONY: That's all you did? ZIVA: No, while you and McGee were watching the sunrise, I was pulling Lance Corporal Finn's SRB, and I have to say it was.... spotty. He was UNC on the range and failed his swim qual. GIBBS: So they made him a supply clerk. ZIVA: Right. Six months ago he signed out on a three day pass before deploying to Iraq, and he never returned home. GIBBS: Get me his C.O. TONY: He's in Iraq. (BEAT) I'll contact MTAC. MCGEE: I've put in a request for Finn's bank records, earning statements, and medical records. TONY: Night wasn't a total loss. Ground radar picked up a shovel about ten feet from the gravesite. Already sent it to Abby. (GIBBS WALKS O.S.) MCGEE: Yep. The old Gibbs is back. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ABBY'S LAB - DAY GIBBS: Do you see something, Abs? ABBY: Beauty. I mean it's tragic, but if you were to see this tableau in a museum, you'd swear it was a brilliant commentary on the human condition. GIBBS: What? A corpse staring at the TV set? ABBY: It says it all. GIBBS: Well, it doesn't say who put him there, or why? ABBY: That's for us to find out. (GASPS) You shaved your mustache! I liked you with a little hair on your face. GIBBS: I've still got my eyebrows. ABBY: Good point. I found Finn's blood, hair, and fingerprints on the plastic. So he was probably wrapped in it. But I didn't find any other prints on the plastic or the shovel. GIBBS: Any chance of grabbing the gravedigger's sweat off the handle? ABBY: After being underground, it's unlikely. Strange case, huh? I had this friend once that used to display road kill in his living room. He got an NEA grant -- GIBBS: Abby? ABBY: Next I analyzed the soil. It's compost material, rocks, and small sticks. Nothing's over an inch long. That indicates it was processed through a screen. GIBBS: Pretty clean for dirt. ABBY: Well, it's a commercial product. But the house was just re-landscaped, so it's not surprising. I sent the acidity levels to Ducky. I then inventoried Finn's personal items. GIBBS: Got anything with a date on it? ABBY: Nope, sorry. No credit card or purchase receipts. I guess he was a cash guy. I mean, if you can call a guy with thirty-one dollars and seventy-one cents a cash guy. His clothes were Dockers from Sears. No judgments. The shirts are large, the shoes are off-brand. And his underwear are boxer/briefs, like you wear, Gibbs. GIBBS: You're fishing, Abs. ABBY: So, are they regular boxers? Trunks? Bikinis? Nothing?(GIBBS WALKS O.S.) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: Mister Palmer, have you finished the chromatographic analysis of his volatile fatty acid? JIMMY: Yes, Doctor. DUCKY: Well, let's plug the numbers into the computer and see how long our friend has been leaking into the topsoil. Agent Gibbs will be here soon, and he will ask... (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) GIBBS: How'd the Lance Corporal die, Doctor? DUCKY: How he died may take me a while. Try when did he die? GIBBS: That's my next question. DUCKY: That I can answer. It's a tricky calculation. One has to factor in temperature, soil acidity, and the variety and volume of insects who now call Lance Corporal Finn home. GIBBS: Give me a round number. JIMMY: Ninety-two days with a three percent margin of error. DUCKY: It would appear you deserted before you died. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) ZIVA: Gibbs, Lance Corporal Finn's fiancé is upstairs. She saw a report in the local news last night. GIBBS: How, Doctor? DUCKY: As soon as I know, you'll know. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) ZIVA: Her name is Siri Albert. She's twenty-five. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY ZIVA: Lives in Manassas and works as a physical therapist. TONY: Finn's fiancé is here. I put her in the conference room. ZIVA: You did? I did! TONY: No, I did. ZIVA: His fiancé? TONY: Yeah, his fiancé. ZIVA: Tall. Light brown hair. TONY: Red head.(DOOR OPENS) (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY SIRI: Someone has made a huge mistake. James isn't dead. He's been writing me letters from Iraq. ZIVA: It's a common name. SIRI: The news said he was born in Jackson, Pennsylvania. It's a small town. ZIVA: That James Finn has been dead three months. SIRI: He left for Iraq three months ago. I saw him the morning he went away, and I just got a letter from him last week. He says he misses me and he's working a lot. GIBBS: We'll need those. SIRI: Okay. But I want them back. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY REBECCA: It's his handwriting. I recognize it. They've been coming for months. Now I want to know who that other woman is!? TONY: We're not here to talk about that. REBECCA: Is she saying that she's engaged to Jimmy, too? (LAUGHS) 'Cause if that's true, he'd better hope he's dead, or else I'll kill him! MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY SIRI: James and I connected on a deep spiritual level. From then on, anytime he was in town, he was with me. ZIVA: How often did you see him? SIRI: He would come and go a lot, but I understood. That's how it is with Special Ops. ZIVA: Lance Corporal Finn's record does not indicate he was involved with Special Operations. SIRI: He said his missions were top secret. He wanted to tell me more, but he didn't want to put me in danger. TONY: (V.O.) When did you last see... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: .... Lance Corporal Finn? REBECCA: Six months ago, before he left for Iraq. TONY: How'd you meet? REBECCA: At a bar two years ago. I was there with some girlfriends, and when I got up to go to the lady's room, he blocked my path. Said he couldn't keep his eyes off of me. MCGEE: And that worked? REBECCA: What worked is that when we talked, he had something to say. Most guys won't shut up about their online war games. But this guy, he had seen real action. And I was feeling patriotic that night. So I invited him to come home with me. The s*x was fantastic. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY ZIVA: When did you two get engaged? SIRI: About a week before he left. James wanted to borrow thirty thousand. ZIVA: Did he tell you what the money was for? SIRI: Gambling debts. And if he didn't pay, they were gonna hurt him. GIBBS: Who? SIRI: He said it was better if I didn't know, because of the danger. REBECCA: (V.O.) Look! MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY REBECCA: I didn't give him the money! I loaned it to him. MCGEE: So you drew up a legal document? REBECCA: No, but we had an oral agreement. I mean, he promised to pay me back... with interest! I mean, I maxed out all of my cards! So you better find that money! MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY ZIVA: What was he like the last time you saw him? SIRI: He was sweet. We made love right before he left. GIBBS: Did he use a condom? SIRI: I'm on the pill. (BEAT) We were engaged. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HALLWAY - DAY GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Abs, can DNA still be recovered from Lance Corporal Finn's skivvies?(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) It would take the ... (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) ...cooperation of weather and protection. He was wrapped in plastic, and it's been cold, so there's... (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) ... a decent chance. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Well, run the tests. We'll do a cheek swab on his fiancés. ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) Wait. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Did you say fiancés? Like plural? Huh. Kinky! (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY SIRI: Ah. Is that it? ZIVA: For now, Siri. I need to follow you home and pick up his belongings. SIRI: I want them back when James returns. ZIVA: He's dead. He can't return. SIRI: Look, I know he's not dead. I would feel it in my heart. We're soul mates. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY (SFX: SIRI GASPS/CRIES) SIRI: (CRYING) No. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Agent Lee, I need legal help. We have a suspect who's refusing a cheek swab. LEE: I'll file for a DNA search warrant. What's the name? TONY: Rebecca Kemp. I'll email you the info. Listen, do you miss working with us? LEE: I think the legal department is more my speed. Why? Do you miss me? TONY: Uh, sure. (TO GIBBS) Boss! Agent Lee is getting us our cheek swab. GIBBS: Is Rebecca paranoid or guilty? TONY: Uh, might just be angry. At Finn, us, and the world. GIBBS: Go back with her to her apartment. Get Finn's stuff. And no, I don't want to wait for a search warrant. (REBECCA SIGHS) (ZIVA AND SIRI WALK INTO THE SQUAD ROOM) ZIVA: I'll grab my coat. Wait at the elevator. SIRI: Okay. REBECCA: Hey, you! Where's my money!? Yeah, you! Did you and Jimmy spend it!? SIRI: Please get away from me! I don't know you. REBECCA: I am Jimmy's fiancé. SIRI: James loved me!! REBECCA: He used you. SIRI: (SHOUTS) You liar!! (SFX: GIRLS FIGHT/WRESTLE) TONY: Chick fight! REBECCA: Get off of me!(MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIRLS FIGHTING) SIRI: Get off! Get off of me! ZIVA: Stop it! GIBBS: Hey, get off her! Get off her!(ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS OPEN) (SFX: GIRLS SHRIEK B.G.) GIBBS: Get up!!(SFX: REBECCA GASPS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY GIBBS: How'd this guy die, Doctor? DUCKY: As I told you, when I know, you'll know. GIBBS: Know faster. DUCKY: Shaving off your mustache has brought back your usual impatience. GIBBS: Good! That means I'm doing my job. DUCKY: I do have a potential cause of death, but it's by no means airtight. You see this fracture? GIBBS: Well, yeah. You're pointing right at it. DUCKY: The brain revealed an epidural hematoma, verified by this CAT scan. Though it's far from massive. Statistically, it's only fatal in about seventeen percent of cases. GIBBS: Blunt force trauma? DUCKY: Most likely. We're looking at a baseball bat or a golf club. Perhaps wielded by a disgruntled fiancé. GIBBS: You tell me how, I'll figure out who. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. MTAC ROOM - DAY SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) Intelligence has placed La Grenouille in Nairobi. That might mean a shipment to Somalia. We'll continue to monitor these activities. Just do your best. GIBBS: Mission trouble? SHEPARD: That's need-to-know. Initiate the video conference Special Agent Gibbs requested. (TO GIBBS) Have you figured out why somebody would unbury a body? GIBBS: That's need-to-know. SHEPARD: You can't pull that one with me, Jethro. I'm your boss. TECHNICIAN: (V.O.) Iraq standing by, Ma'am. STENGEL: (ON MONITOR) I got your email concerning Lance Corporal Finn. I assume you've been over his SRB. GIBBS: Yeah, we have, Skipper. We'd like to know what's not on the record. STENGEL: (ON MONITOR) Finn wasn't one of my stronger Marines. Wasn't surprised he went U.A. GIBBS: Did he have any enemies in the company? STENGEL: (ON MONITOR) He was well-liked. Played poker. Not well, but covered his debts. Liked to talk about his sexual exploits in detail. You know how Marines love that. GIBBS: How does a dead Marine stateside send letters home from Iraq? STENGEL: (ON MONITOR) I wondered about that myself. Get over here, Marine! Meet Lance Corporal Hagan... soon to be Private Hagan. Before deployment, Finn gave him... a couple hundred bucks to pop letters in the mail to two women. First batch started six months ago. The second three months later. Got enough to last the rest of our deployment. GIBBS: I'm going to need those. STENGEL: (ON MONITOR) I'll send them on the next flight out. SHEPARD: Two fiancées....is that a Marine thing? GIBBS: Oh, that's need-to-know, too, Director. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. ABBY'S LAB - DAY ABBY: Do you see it yet? MCGEE: No. ABBY: Keep looking! MCGEE: Abby, I've been staring at this thing for five minutes. I don't see anything that I would consider to be art. ABBY: But you took the picture! MCGEE: Just because Ducky told me to. I'm sorry. ABBY: That's okay. I'm sure you find other things beautiful. MCGEE: Like Gibbs breaking up a chick fight? ABBY: I can't believe I missed that! MCGEE: Well, I've got good news. Guess what is now playing on McGee TV? ABBY: I hug and kiss technology! (SFX: VIDEO PLAYS) SIRI: (ON TAPE) You liar!!(SFX: GIRLS SHOUT B.G.) ABBY: Oh, meow! Which one's Siri? MCGEE: The one Gibbs is pulling off the other girl. ABBY: It's always good to have a face to put with genetic material. MCGEE: Did you get a match on her off of Finn's clothing? ABBY: Yeah, but not just her. There's a party in Finn's pants. I found genetic material from two distinct females. MCGEE: Siri and... ABBY: The mystery woman. MCGEE: That would explain why Rebecca refused a cheek swab. Told us she hadn't seen him in six months. ABBY: Play it again. MCGEE: Plus, Rebecca's got a lot of anger in her. ABBY: Oh, I wouldn't assume Siri is innocent. MCGEE: Why not? ABBY: Look at the fight. Siri initiates it. She may not be as sweet as she looks. GIBBS: (ON TAPE) Get off her! ABBY: This is my favorite part. GIBBS: Which part? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. EVIDENCE GARAGE - NIGHT TONY: I was lucky to get out of Rebecca's apartment alive. She threw this at my head. ZIVA: Wow. Finn was reading Moby Dick? TONY: No, she was throwing it. I took it so she couldn't re-arm. ZIVA: Okay, let's see what he had at Siri's place. Razor and a toothbrush. TONY: Razor and a toothbrush. ZIVA: Three pairs of white underwear. TONY: Three pairs pinkish underwear. ZIVA: One white sock with a gold toe. TONY: Don't you hate it when you leave one black sock at one fiancé's house, and the other one at the other's house? ZIVA: One pair of blue jeans. TONY: One black mesh t-shirt. Do women really like these? ZIVA: Depends on who's wearing it. TONY: So if I'm-- ZIVA: No! It's not much to go on.(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN/ CLOSE) TONY: Only one place left to check. Ha ha! ZIVA: Ha! Tony just put his hands in another man's pocket, and it made him very happy. TONY: Found a pre-paid calling card. GIBBS: That's it? ZIVA: Yes. GIBBS: No engagement rings? TONY: Do you want those, too? (BEAT) I'll go to Siri's and get the ring, and any other gifts Finn might have given her. McGee, you've got Rebecca. ZIVA: How could they have been so clueless? GIBBS: Well, he's dead, so maybe they weren't. (PHONE RINGS) ZIVA: (INTO PHONE) Officer David.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) JODY: (INTO PHONE) This is Jody Carvell. I am standing outside... (SCENE CUT) JODY: (V.O./FILTERED) .... Of the Larson Lane house. (SCENE CUT) JODY: (INTO PHONE) Are you aware that the police tape is still up? (SCENE CUT) ZIVA: (INTO PHONE) Yes, it's an ongoing investigation. (TO GIBBS) It's the real estate agent. JODY: (V.O./FILTERED) Okay... (SCENE CUT) JODY: (INTO PHONE) ....for how much longer? It costs me money every day I can't show... (SCENE CUT) JODY: (V.O./FILTERED) ... this house. ZIVA: (INTO PHONE) Yes, but I... JODY: (V.O./FILTERED) This is outrageous. You clearly don't get it. ZIVA: (INTO PHONE) No, I'm sorry-- JODY: (V.O./FILTERED) I would like to speak to your supervisor, if I could. ZIVA: She wants to have a word with my supervisor. (GIBBS HANGS UP THE PHONE) (SFX: DOORS SLIDE CLOSED) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HALLWAY - DAY (KNOCK ON DOOR) MCGEE: Ms. Kemp, it's NCIS. We need to speak with you again. (KNOCK ON DOOR) (DOOR OPENS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY MCGEE: Rebecca? Rebecca? What happened? Did you call nine one one? Hold on. (INTO PHONE) Yes, I've got a woman here who's shot, needs immediate medical attention! (REBECCA GASPS) (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY ON MONITOR: Why would someone unbury a body?(SFX: KEYBOARDING) TONY: (V.O./READS) "Why would someone unbury a body?" (ON CAMERA) I can answer that. To send the message. Like, "Hi, I'm dead." "Never get engaged to two women at the same time?" ZIVA: It would be easier to just rent a billboard. Second question. (ON MONITOR) Where's the money? TONY: (V.O.) Where's the money? (ON CAMERA) Ah! Maybe in Siri's engagement ring. I've got to bring this down to Abby. ZIVA: I can save you an elevator trip. (SFX: ZIVA EXHALES ON THE RING) TONY: Oh, that's nice. ZIVA: It's creating condensation. On a real diamond, that evaporates immediately. TONY: It's staying. ZIVA: Because it's a fake. TONY: Give it one more try just to make sure. ZIVA: I'm not blowing on you again! Question three. TONY: (READS) Why buy a shovel? ZIVA: Oops! No, sorry. TONY: (READS) Why bury a shovel? Yeah, I have no answer to that idea. But here, how about this one? (SFX: KEYBOARDING) (ON MONITOR) Who is Darkman? ZIVA: (READS) Who is Darkman? TONY: That is the question. Liam Neeson in the nineteen-ninety cult classic directed by Sam Raimi about a mentally unstable scientist who seeks revenge. GIBBS: You left out "Who Shot Rebecca?" ZIVA: That was my next question. TONY: Siri claims she was out walking at the time of the shooting. No witnesses. GSR test came back negative. ZIVA: Even if Siri shot Rebecca, I don't think she killed Finn. I saw her face when she saw his body. TONY: If Siri is innocent, she'd assume that Rebecca's guilty and she'd seek revenge. ZIVA: Shooting someone in broad daylight is just dumb. GIBBS: Well, you're not thinking like a jealous woman, Ziva. MCGEE: They're keeping Rebecca in the hospital overnight. She lost a lot of blood, but the wound was through and through. GIBBS: Anything on the shooter? MCGEE: Said she didn't get a good look at her. TONY: How'd she know it was a her? MCGEE: Rebecca said she heard a female voice at the door. When she opened it, bang. TONY: Siri. MCGEE: Maybe not. When I went back to search Rebecca's place, I found this between couch pillows. GIBBS: Rebecca shot herself. MCGEE: I think so. She lost a lot today. Her fiancé, her life savings. ZIVA: Her respect. MCGEE: Could have been a failed suicide attempt. TONY: Or a bid for sympathy. ZIVA: Or an attempt to escape discovery that she had s*x with Finn the day he died. TONY: What's your gut tell you, Boss? GIBBS: Take your shirt off. TONY: There we go. MCGEE: Well, I know it's kind of messy... GIBBS: Your shirt, McGee. Take it off now. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/MCGEE TAKES OFF HIS SHIRT) GIBBS: Take it down to Abby. Or would you rather wait for a search warrant? MCGEE: Rebecca's DNA. I need to borrow one of your shirts. TONY: Are you afraid all that white might burn out Abby's corneas? MCGEE: Do not make me walk around like this all day. Come on, help me out. TONY: All right, I can't resist a damsel in distress. Here. Take this. I'll get a fresh one. ZIVA: Wow, it's just like Chippendale's.... without the bow ties or muscles. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) SHEPARD: Give me a second. I just have to finish this email to Kofi Annan. GIBBS: Kofi can wait. SHEPARD: What is it, Jethro? GIBBS: The Finn case. SHEPARD: Yes? You're lost on this one? GIBBS: Puzzled. They barely knew Finn, yet they let him move in. Loaned him money. SHEPARD: They trusted a man who took advantage them. If you're in a relationship and the other person is keeping secrets, how would you know? GIBBS: You'd know. SHEPARD: I didn't. GIBBS: Who lied to you? SHEPARD: You did! Not exactly lied, but you just didn't tell me the whole truth either. GIBBS: You're comparing me to Finn? SHEPARD: I'm just saying that you can be involved with someone without fully knowing them. How could you not tell me about your family? GIBBS: Finish your email. SHEPARD: You wanted my advice. Just don't be too hard on the fiancés. Finn duped them. And I shouldn't have brought up the past. I know you had your reasons for not wanting to talk about it. (DOOR CLOSES) GIBBS: We're talking about it now. SHEPARD: Now is not Paris. GIBBS: Your priorities were clear in Paris. SHEPARD: I had a job to do in Europe. GIBBS: If I had told you about my first wife, would it have made a difference? SHEPARD: We'll never know, will we? (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. BASEMENT - NIGHT (PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: (INTO PHONE) You went home early. GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) I stayed until twenty-one thirty. DUCKY: (INTO PHONE) Oh, that's early for you. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) You called to talk about my work hours, Doctor Mallard? DUCKY: (V.O./FILTERED) No, Agent Gibbs. (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: (INTO PHONE) I had a hunch which led me to trim-- (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: (V.O./FILTERED) ... Lance Corporal Finn's nose hairs. (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: (INTO PHONE) I don't think he'd done it for some time. I discovered something under the microscope. Among the keratin proteins, I found translucent fibers of glass. (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: (INTO PHONE) Fiberglass? DUCKY: (V.O./FILTERED) Exactly. He must have.... (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: (V.O./FILTERED) .... inhaled them in. I'd say most likely ... (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: (V.O./FILTERED) ...from insulation. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Maybe the house wasn't just a body drop. DUCKY: (V.O./FILTERED) Oh, he's speaking softly... (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: (INTO PHONE) ...but Lance Corporal Finn has more to say.(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BASEMENT - NIGHT (SFX: GIBBS FLIPS HIS CELL PHONE CLOSED) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: Ah, would you mind cleaning up, Mister Palmer? JIMMY: Not at all, Doctor. DUCKY: I know you've been putting in long hours recently. DUCKY: Well, I appreciate the can-do attitude. Good night! JIMMY: Good night, Doctor. (ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS OPEN/) DUCKY: Agent Lee! You're working late. LEE: Still organizing paperwork on the Weaton case, Doctor Mallard. I need the autopsy report. DUCKY: What happened to the one I sent up to legal yesterday? LEE: I'm afraid I shredded it by mistake. DUCKY: Well, you must be more careful. LEE: I know. I'm sorry, Doctor Mallard. DUCKY: No worries. (ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS OPEN) DUCKY: I'm sure Mister Palmer will give you what you need. LEE: Okay. Thank you! (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN/ CLOSED) (SFX: LIGHT CLICKS OFF) (MUSIC OVER PASSIONATE KISSING) (SFX: MOANS AND SQUEALS B.G.) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY WHITEHEAD: WHITEHEAD: That's about how it looked three months ago. The living room floor is the last thing we closed up. (CONT.) We ran the AC ducts under this section. The damn inspector was weeks late. GIBBS: Do you have security at night here, Bob? WHITEHEAD: Not on a job this size. We used standard fiberglass insulation, CDX sub floor. Do you see something? GIBBS: Yeah, your joist. Twenty-four inches on center. I'd have built it at sixteen. WHITEHEAD: Then you wouldn't have made a profit. GIBBS: That joist there look discolored to you? WHITEHEAD: Could be mold. GIBBS: Mold spreads from the bottom up. TONY: Amido Black. On it, Boss. MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) We'll be there soon. (TO GIBBS) Boss, Abby ran the pre-paid phone card we found in Finn's pocket. It had only one call on it. It was to a self-storage company in Dale City, Virginia. GIBBS: Good. Call the storage facility. MCGEE: I did. I was just taking a breath. I called the self storage place. Finn paid for the unit in cash. Only signed in once. So I figure that Ziva and I should probably go down there and check it out. Sorry about the breath. TONY: Kind of reminds me of Pacific Heights. GIBBS: Don't tell me. A movie. TONY: Yeah, interesting plot. Yuppie couple buys their dream house. And then the tenant from hell tries to destroy it. Michael Keaton's best work. It looks like organic material. Would a two by six match Finn's head injury? GIBBS: Ducky thinks a blunt object hit his temple. TONY: Or maybe his temple hit a blunt object? Which would have landed him nose first in this insulation. JODY: Oh, my god! Bob! Why are you letting them destroy our property? WHITEHEAD: They're cops, Jody. GIBBS: What is she doing here? WHITEHEAD: I called her. She should know what's going on. JODY: Well, it's coming out of your profits, Bob! WHITEHEAD: What a minute, Jody! JODY: That sisal's expensive! TONY: You need to calm down, Mrs. Carvell. JODY: Calm down? I just found a dead guy in the living room. And I am losing money every day. Oh, and my father just died of leukemia, so don't you tell me to calm down! [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. SELF STORAGE UNIT - DAY MCGEE: I'm thinking before we open this up, maybe we should rub some Vicks under our noses.(SFX: CAR BRAKING STOP) ZIVA: I don't think we'll find a body. MCGEE: I hope not. I hate that. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. STORAGE UNIT - DAY (SFX: STORAGE DOOR SLIDES OPEN) ZIVA: Nothing? MCGEE: Well, whatever Lance Corporal Finn was planning on putting in here, he didn't get a chance to. ZIVA: McGee, give me your flashlight. MCGEE: What, you didn't bring your own? ZIVA: It's too heavy. It pulls my pants down. Now close the door. (SFX: STORAGE DOOR SLIDES CLOSED) (PASSAGE OF TIME) ZIVA: To the right! To the right! MCGEE: Yeah. ZIVA: Just... more to the... more to the left. MCGEE: I'm doing it. Okay. ZIVA: Okay, hold it! MCGEE: Yeah!(SFX: ZIVA GRUNTS) ZIVA: Ah... (SFX: MCGEE GRUNTS) ZIVA: Ah, too small to hold a body. MCGEE: Big enough to hold a head. (BEAT) Is that what I think it is? ZIVA: Oh, yes. Gold. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. ABBY'S LAB - DAY TONY: Hey, got another DNA sample to test. It's a rush job. ABBY: Oh, should I put it in front of my other rush jobs? TONY: Yes. ABBY: Okay, I'll make it a rush rush job and I'll get right on it. Unless I get a rush rush rush job. TONY: Thanks, Abs. ABBY: Hey, um.. could you tell Gibbs that I got the results back from Rebecca's DNA. It does not match the genetic material in Finn's shorts. TONY: That means we're.... ABBY: Looking for a third woman. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY (ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS OPEN/ CLOSE) DUCKY: Since you revisited the crime scene, I decided I want to revisit the body. Something is troubling me. TONY: Me, too. DUCKY: Oh, what's that, Tony? TONY: Well, Finn had two entrees and still had room for dessert. Makes me wonder if there was anything, you know, special about him? DUCKY: Like what? (BEAT) Oh, like that! Did he have extra women because he had something extra for the women? Well, take a look for yourself. Sadly, the first thing the maggots eat is the soft tissue. Still, you've given me an idea. (SFX: DRAWER SLIDES OPEN) TONY: To vomit? DUCKY: No, to reexamine the soft tissue. Thanks, Tony. TONY: I do what I can. Ducky, is there anyway to psychologically "unsee" something? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY ZIVA: Finn's bag contained one hundred and twenty ounces of gold, worth about seventy-eight thousand, four hundred dollars at today's conversion rate. GIBBS: Mint numbers? MCGEE: We're tracing them now. The coins were purchased over the Internet in three batches. I should have the dates here in a moment. ZIVA: We figured sixty thousand came from the fiancés and Finn must have tossed in the rest. (INTO PHONE) Officer David. MCGEE: Okay, first batch of gold purchased nine months ago, and paid for with a money order. The second batch... ZIVA: That was Abby. She was searching non-standard databases with the third woman's DNA. She got a hit on a bone marrow donor bank. GIBBS: Pull it up. ZIVA: That's not what I expected. GIBBS: Her father died of leukemia. Pick her up. Take Dinozzo with you. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. FINN HOUSE - DAY (SFX: CAR BRAKES TO A STOP) TONY: You interrogated her and didn't pick up she had s*x with Finn? ZIVA: It was an interview, not an interrogation. And excuse me if my brain didn't go to the s*x place. (SFX: CAR DOOR CLOSES) TONY: Mine would. ZIVA: I'm sure that's why you have a leg up on other investigators. TONY: See? You say "leg up?" I instantly went to the s*x place. (SFX: CAR ACCELERATES) ZIVA: (SHOUTS) Hey! TONY: (SHOUTS) Hey! Pull over! Hey stop! (SFX: TIRES SCREECH) TONY: Stop! (SFX: CAR DOOR OPENS) JODY: I'm sorry. I need to go. I have a showing. TONY: NCIS. RICK: What's going on? Hey! Hey! Stop pointing the gun at my wife!(DOOR CLOSES) ZIVA: She tried to rat on us. TONY: She means rabbit. ZIVA: Rabbit, yes! JODY: I was in a hurry for a showing. RICK: What? Are you arresting her? TONY: We're taking her to NCIS to answer a few questions. RICK: Well, I'm coming, too. JODY: Rick, you don't have to come! RICK: (OVERLAP) Jody, I'm your husband. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. INTERROGATION ROOM GIBBS: So why didn't you tell us you knew Lance Corporal Finn. JODY: I was afraid my husband would find out. GIBBS: That you killed him? JODY: I didn't kill James. It was an accident. He fell. He hit his head. I did not kill him. I loved him. I swear to God. GIBBS: Do you have any idea how many murderers "swear to God" they didn't do it? JODY: I come from a good Catholic family. When we swear to God, we mean it. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM (DOOR OPENS) DUCKY: Room for one more? ZIVA: I haven't see you in observation for a while, Ducky. DUCKY: I've learned as much as I can from the dead. It's time to listen to the living. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM GIBBS: You met in a bar. JODY: Yes. How did you know that? GIBBS: When? JODY: Nine months ago. GIBBS: Did you sleep with him that night? JODY: No. GIBBS: That's right. I forgot. You're from a good Catholic family. Did you sleep with him the second night? (BEAT) Your husband never knew. JODY: I would tell him that I had a late showing, and I'd meet James at the house on Larson Lane. I know that that sounds immoral, but it is not what you think! GIBBS: Well, let me guess. You have a deep, spiritual connection? JODY: Exactly. I had already decided I was going to leave my husband. I just had to wait for... GIBBS: Your father to die. JODY: The way you say it -- it sounds horrible. GIBBS: Oh, yeah. It is! JODY: If Dad knew I was getting a divorce, he'd have disowned me. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM ZIVA: She inherited two million dollars last month when Dad died. DUCKY: Oh. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM GIBBS: How about if you were a murderer? JODY: I didn't kill James. GIBBS: You buried him. JODY: No. I did not even know that he was dead. I will admit that we had a fight. James wanted to borrow money, and I refused, and he got angry, and he said that we were through. He got up to leave. I just wanted him to stay. I uh... took his cigarettes... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOUSE - FLASHBACK FINN: Give them back! JODY: No! FINN: Now! JODY: Not unless you promise to-- (SFX: FINN GRUNTS) JODY: James! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM JODY: I just got in my car and I drove for hours. I came back to check on him, see if he was okay. But... GIBBS: He was dead, so you buried him. JODY: No! James was gone. I thought that he was fine until I went to that house for the showing the other day. (CRYING) And there he was! And I can only think of one explanation. It was the hand of God! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM ZIVA: Can Gibbs arrest God? TONY: I don't know. It's like the Thing trying to bring in the Hulk. DUCKY: She's telling the truth. TONY: Where are you going? DUCKY: To tell Gibbs.(DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) ZIVA: What do you think? TONY: I'm glad the glass is bulletproof. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM (DOOR OPENS) DUCKY: Excuse me. Uh... could I have a word with you? GIBBS: Working. DUCKY: It's related and important. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HALLWAY - DAY (DOOR CLOSES) DUCKY: She's telling the truth. (SFX: REBECCA B.G.) GIBBS: God put the body there? DUCKY: No. Someone who was playing God. She didn't bury him. GIBBS: Is your gut telling you this? DUCKY: I've been watching her. She feels guilt, empathy, remorse. That doesn't fit the psychological profile. GIBBS: She's deceitful, conniving, an adulteress, which does. DUCKY: I'm trying to give you my professional opinion. GIBBS: Then tell me after I have finished interrogating the suspect.(DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY DUCKY: Timothy, do you have a moment? MCGEE: Well, actually, I'm watching Jody Carvell's husband. DUCKY: Yes, I know. I want to have a word with him. MCGEE: Sure. DUCKY: Yeah, and for you to tape it with that new cell phone of yours. MCGEE: Tape you? DUCKY: No, no, no, no, no. Not me, him. Surreptitiously, of course. MCGEE: Of course. (MCGEE AND DUCKY WALK TO THE DESK) MCGEE: Here you go, Mister Carvell. RICK: Thank you. MCGEE: Uh, this is our medical examiner, Doctor Mallard. DUCKY: Call me Ducky. Everyone does. RICK: Ah, Rick. DUCKY: Strange, isn't it, Rick? Someone committed a murder. Standard. But then they covered it up. Standard. And then they uncovered it. Far from standard. RICK: You think my wife was involved? DUCKY: No. And that's the problem. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. INTERROGATION ROOM JODY: James was a big man. There is no way that I could have picked him up and buried him. GIBBS: Oh, that's easy. You roll him onto the plastic. You drag him out. JODY: Without ruining these nails? Look at them. They are so perfect. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY DUCKY: I tried to convince Agent Gibbs that your wife was telling the truth. I'm afraid he doesn't believe me. Tell me, Rick, why does that please you? RICK: What? DUCKY: Well, you just flashed a slight reflective smile when I said that Gibbs didn't believe your wife. RICK: I did not! DUCKY: Timothy? (MUSIC OVER ACTION/MCGEE REVIEWS CAMERA FOOTAGE) DUCKY: (V.O./RECORDED) I'm afraid he doesn't believe me. (ON CAMERA) I don't know if God was watching your wife and Finn that night, but you were. RICK: My wife and the dead guy? DUCKY: Yes. When your wife ran out of the house, you buried the body. RICK: My god, man. Why would I do that? DUCKY: Because you wanted the money. Well, you had to wait until her father died, before you could implicate her in the murder. But once she got her inheritance, you disinterred the body. RICK: You have a vivid imagination, Ducky. But uh... imagination doesn't prove anything. DUCKY: Yeah, you're quite right there. But evidence does. Ah, good. Abby, have you lifted the DNA from the shovel handle yet? You know, from the sweat we discovered on the handle? ABBY: Oh, yeah! Right. I've got it running. I'm ready to check it. I just need a sample. DUCKY: Well then, test it against the saliva on this. RICK: You're right! I tried to cover up her murder, but I didn't kill him! That cheating bitch did! MCGEE: Boss, Mister Carvell here admitted to Ducky he buried the body. JODY: Oh, my God! It was you?! RICK: Who else cleans up your messes? I was watching the two of you from the window. JODY: You watched us make love? RICK: That's not what I'd call it. GIBBS: Then what happened? RICK: They had a fight. She hit him on the head, and she ran. JODY: Rick. He's lying! RICK: All I did was bury him. DUCKY: Oh, I'm afraid you did a bit more than that. RICK: Right. I unburied him. MCGEE: Sit down. DUCKY: A reexamination of the conjunctival and facial tissues reveal petechial hemorrhages suggesting asphyxia. So I looked for atelextasis in his lungs, which results from shallow breathing due to an obstruction, such as plastic. And there it was. Lance Corporal Finn was buried alive. RICK: He was dead! I know he was dead! JODY: You b*st*rd! You killed him! GIBBS: Ziva, get her out of here. McGee, handcuff him and get a sworn statement! JODY: (SHOUTS) I hope you fry! RICK: (SHOUTS) Go to hell! Go to hell. ABBY: Wow. I've got to come up here more often. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ELEVATOR - DAY (ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS OPEN) (ZIVA BUMPS INTO GIBBS/MOANS) ZIVA: Gibbs! I screwed up. GIBBS: Well, yeah. You almost spilled my coffee. ZIVA: When Tony and I ran out to pick up Jody, I left Finn's bag of gold by my desk... GIBBS: Hm-hmm. ZIVA: I know I should have taken it to evidence, but we were focusing on-- GIBBS: Here's the inventory. ZIVA: You took it to evidence! It says here the bag contained eighteen thousand dollars worth of gold. We are sixty thousand dollars short. (BEAT) You gave Siri and Rebecca back the money they loaned Finn.(ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS CLOSE) (ELEVATOR DINGS/ DOORS OPEN/ CLOSE) (GIBBS AND ZIVA WALK INTO THE SQUAD ROOM) GIBBS: I thought I'd save the courts some paperwork. ZIVA: You wouldn't be getting soft? Of course, not. You shaved your mustache. MCGEE: Boss, reception called this morning. They said that someone is here with information about - sorry - about a case. I went to meet her and um... this is Jessica Coleman. James Finn's fiancé.

When a missing lance corporal is found dead in a vacant house by a real-estate broker giving two potential buyers a tour, the NCIS team discovers that he was buried in the backyard and then exhumed. They also learn about his identity and that he was to be deployed to Iraq, but he never showed up for duty. The investigation leads them to a new clue - he had two fiancées who are aghast at learning that they were both engaged to the same man. Abby runs the DNA samples from the two women to find out if the DNA is a match to the soil found on the dead man's body and later finds out that the team are looking for a third woman who might have been sleeping with the victim.

fd_Pretty_Little_Liars_01x03

fd_Pretty_Little_Liars_01x03_0

[What happened in the previous episode.] [PREVIOUSLY_ON] Aria: It's too hard to sit in this room every day and call you Mr. Fitz. Okay, I can't pretend like I don't know you. Hanna: I'm really sorry, mom. Ashley: For what? Hanna: The cop. Spencer: We're meeting Melissa's fiancé. Wren: Does she have to know everything? Spencer: Stop, stop. We can't. Wilden: This is no longer a missing person's investigation. It's a murder. Hanna: Is this waiting thing something you really want, or is it because of your dad? Sean: No, it's me. It's... It's my choice. Maya: So, I'm corrupting you. Ben: What are you so weirded out about? Emily: I think there's something wrong with me. Pam: You lost a dear friend. You need to find a way to say good-bye. [In the woods] Hanna: Whose idea was this, again? Spencer: Emily's mom. Emily: The shed was me. My mom just said we should do something for us. Hanna: Well, couldn't we do something without mosquitoes? Aria: They're not mosquitoes, they're gnats. Hanna: Whatever! They're small and annoying, and they're flying up my nose. Spencer: Well, they're attracted to your perfume. And your hair product. And your lip gloss. Hanna: So, what are you saying, I attract flies? Aria: Gnats. Emily: Why do I feel like this is the wrong way? Spencer: No, this is it. I remember that tree. It's the halfway point. There's 136 steps left to the shed. Emily: Have you been out here since... Alison? Spencer: Me? No. No way. Aria: But you remember that tree. Hanna: You guys, it's not that weird. I mean, we came out here in eighth grade like, every day... even after. Spencer: I think this is totally the wrong place to do this. Whatever you call it.. shrine. Emily: It's not a shrine. It's just a place to remember Alison. What's wrong with that? Spencer: Doing it way out here makes it look like we have something to hide. Emily: You're worried what other people think? Spencer: Well, aren't you? Do you really want to give that creepy Detective more reasons to question us? Emily: Hanna, why are you so quiet? Hanna: I'm trying to keep the bugs in my nose and out of my mouth. Emily: You're allowed to have an opinion on this. Hanna: You want my opinion? I say we hold off and not remember her 'til we know for sure she's not still here. Everybody: What? Aria: What are you talking about? Emily: You think she's still alive? Spencer: Hanna, they found her body. Aria: Stop. I'm officially scared. Can we just not... Hanna: You know, you asked for my opinion. I don't believe she's really gone. Spencer: We went to her funeral! Ashley: Yeah, and when we left we all got a text from her. Emily: It wasn't her. Someone is messing with us. Hanna: How do you know? And what about all those nasty messages? I mean, how does this "A"person know stuff only Ali knew? Aria: Okay, this conversation is giving me a hive. Hanna: That's a bite. Mosquito. Emily: Spencer, have you gotten any more messages? Spencer: Haven't you? Branches rustling Emily: What was that? Did you hear that? Aria: Yes, I heard that. I'm standing right next to you. Hanna: Hello? Is anybody out there? Spencer: It's probably a rabbit. Hanna: Hello? Spencer: It's a rabbit, Hanna. It's not gonna answer you. Emily: Can we just get to the shed? More branches rustling Hanna: Okay, that is definitely not a rabbit. Someone's out there. Emily: Let's turn around. The girls' cellphones ring [Opening credits] [In Hanna's kitchen] Wilden: Morning. Hanna: Where's my mother? Wilden: I guess she ran upstairs for somethin'. I'm trying to figure out what makes this stuff spreadable. You want a waffle or somethin'? Hanna: No. Thanks. Wilden: There she is. It's canola oil! Ashley: Darren, why don't you get dressed? I'll take care of breakfast. Wilden: Yeah. Hanna: So what, he lives here now? Ashley: Take out the milk. Hanna: Is this a permanent thing? Ashley: Would you keep your voice down, please? Hanna: God, it was one pair of sunglasses, and they were last season's. Ashley: Hand me the waffles. Hanna: Mom, you don't have to do this. Ashley: Do what? Hanna: Squeeze his grapefruit. Ashley: We will talk after breakfast. Hanna: I don't eat breakfast, and neither do you. Ashley: Look. Until he gets the store to drop the charges for your shopping spree, we're not kicking anyone to the curb. The last thing we want is an enemy on the police force. Hanna: I get it, okay? But I didn't count on having to buy him a father's day card, either. Ashley: Hanna! The situation is delicate. By the way, if you're buying anyone a card, it should be me. [At a restaurant] Byron: Well, you're pretty far into it. Aria: Yeah, I've got, like, 60-some pages left, and I don't want it to end. Byron: You should read her biography next. Ella: The father-worship thing becomes a lot clearer. Aria: Well, I would worship both of you a lot more... if you got me another one of these. Ella: Uh, the poppy seed? We'll split it. Make sure your father doesn't drink all my coffee, please. Byron: Do you like your teacher? Aria: What? Byron: Your English teacher. Do you like him? Aria: Oh! Yeah. Uh, he's okay. Byron: What's his name again? Aria: Mr. Fitz. Hey, maybe I'll... I'll check out that biography at school. What's it called? Byron: I've got a copy of it in my office. I'll bring it home. It might inspire you. Aria: To what, write a novel? Byron: You've got it in you. Meredith: Byron? Byron: Hey! Hi. How you doing? Meredith: Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. Byron: No, no, no, that's okay. [Flashback in the street where Aria sees his father kissing Meredith] [Back at the table] Byron: Uh... Um, Aria this is, uh, Meredith Sorenson. She also teaches in the department, uh, my department, and this is Aria, my daughter. Meredith: Oh, Aria! Hi. Of course you are. Did you get my message? Byron: Yes I did, and I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to call you back. Meredith: That's okay, they just need he referral by Monday, and... Byron: I'll get to it as soon as I get back to campus. Is there an e-mail, or... Meredith: Here. So, how does it feel to be home? This town must seem a little dull after spending a whole year overseas. Aria: Not really. Byron: Okay, well, I'll, uh... I'll send that before lunch. Meredith: Thanks. I'm so glad I ran into you. Nice to meet you. Welcome home. Meredith leaves Aria: Why can't she graduate? Byron: She has. I told you. She's now a teaching assistant. Not mine, but her office is across the hall. I can't pretend like she doesn't exist, Aria. It's a small college. Aria: Mm, not small enough. [In the Hastings' kitchen] Veronica: You can't avoid seeing people, sweetie. It is what it is. Melissa: And what's that... Sad? Humiliating? Pathetic? All of the above? Just... take someone else. I don't want to have to explain a wedding that's never gonna happen to every last club member. Spencer: Morning. Veronica: Hey. Melissa: Excuse me. Melissa throws wedding magazines in the trash Spencer: Where's Dad? Veronica: He left for the office. Spencer: Already? So he ran without me? Why didn't he just knock on my door? Veronica: He was busy. He was helping Melissa dispose of some things that... Wren left behind. Melisssa: Unfortunately, you weren't one of them. Spencer: How many times am I going to have to say it? Veronica: Oh, girls, please! I can't arbitrate on one cup of coffee. Melissa: Who's calling the paper to pull the announcement? It was hard enough changing my status on Facebook! Veronica: I'll take care of the newspaper. Melissa: What about the engagement dinner? Do I have to make that call? Veronica: No, honey, of course not. Just look up the number and I'll leave a message. To Spencer Where are you going? Spencer: I'll eat in my bedroom. Veronica: Oh, no, you won't. I just dry-cleaned your bedspread. Sit at the table. Spencer: I don't think I'm welcome. Melissa: That's never stopped you before. Spencer: I did not invite your fiancé to kiss me Melissa. For the last time, he made the move on me! Veronica: Spencer, please. Melissa: Right, you just sat there like a throw pillow with your tongue down his throat! Spencer: Look, I get it! You're upset and I feel for you, but don't dump it all on me. Maybe you should be asking yourself why Wren felt the need to... I'm sorry. Okay? I'm not perfect, but I don't want to be accused of something that I didn't do! Veronica: Oh, stop please. Both of you! Go get dressed for school. You can take your muffin to go. [In the street] Mona: Ah! Totally love this color. We should've stocked up on a few more tubes. Hanna: Well, I only have two hands. Keep it. Mona: Why, is your mom asking to see receipts? Sean: It's hilarious. Hanna: Sean! What's so funny? Sean: Nothin'. Noel's just out of control. Mm, you smell good. Noel: Save something for tomorrow night. Mona: What's tomorrow night? Sean: Noel's parents are leaving town. Noel: It means the party of the year is officially on. Think big, think wild, think parental units in a different time zone. Sean: I gotta get to practice. Save that smell. Noel and Sean leave Mona: So, the pressure's on. Hanna: What do you mean? Mona: Not all of us have a Sean to wear to that party, and I'm not gonna spend the night guarding the bushes so you can jump each other's bones. Hanna: Okay, we're not gonna be doing it in the bushes. Mona: Whatever. Have you guys even done it yet? Hanna: It's not a race, Mona. Mona: Okay mom, seriously. No one's pushing you to be natty ho, but you guys have been going out for months. If you're not together in that way, how do you know you're together-together? How long can you wait before you lose him? [Near Hanna and Mona were] Maya: I was going to offer you a ride, but your bike's faster than my car. Emily: I passed you? I didn't even see you. Maya: I saw you. You took that corner on one wheel. Ben: Got ya! Emily: Ben, stop. Ben: Fine. I can wait one more day. Well, you guys heard, right? Noel's doing his cabin party tomorrow night. Maya: Is this one of Rosewood's pagan rituals? Ben: Kinda. There was definitely some howling last year. Emily: Why don't you come with us? Please, come. It'll be fun. [In the corridors of the high school] Ezra: Good morning. Aria: Hi. Ezra enters his classroom Aria: Russian history? Spencer: Yeah. Aria: How many AP classes does it take until your brain explodes? Spencer: I'm already drowning in there. Aria: Why, what's drowning for you, B+? Spencer: First paper's due Monday, and I've written two words. My name. Aria: Well, what's going on? Hey, you're not still freaked out about what happened in the woods yesterday, are you? Look, we do not have to do this thing for Ali until we figure... Spencer: No, it's not just that. It's... It's everything. Is there any chance your family wants to adopt me? Toby & Jenna walk in front of them Emily has a flashback - Toby's carrying Jenna. Maya: Who is that? Emily: Toby Cavanaugh. Maya: Who's he? Emily: He's, uh, an older kid who used to go here and got sent away to a reform school or something. Maya: Why? Emily: He had a... He set fire to a garage, and his stepsister... she was in it. Maya: Should I be scared? Emily: What? No. Maya: See you later. Emily: Bye. Aria: He's back, too? When did that happen? Hanna: Maybe she needs help sending radioactive e-mails. Spencer: Yeah, or he may be sending a few of his own. Wilden: Hanna. Aria: Cops on campus too. Wilden: I just spoke with your principal, asked him if we could have a chat. Hanna: No, I have to get to class. Wilden: Don't worry. You've been excused. Let's go. Hanna & Wilden leave Aria: What is going on? Why just her? Emily: Probably thinks she's the easiest to crack. Spencer: She is. Jenna: Whisper, whisper, whisper. Almost feels like Alison's still here. Flashback in which we see the barn burning and the girls running [In Wilden's office] Wilden: I keep coming back to this ninth grade shaft, of you and Alison on the steps. Hanna: What about it? Wilden: Well, you made a lot of changes between ninth and tenth grade. Lost some weight, started styling your hair like Alison's. Hanna: Is that a crime? Wilden: No, just an observation. Hanna: No, she helped me make those changes. Wilden: Did she, really? Did she ever regret it? Start seeing you as her competition? Hanna: Nobody competed with Alison. You'd be stupid to even try. Wilden: Why? [Flashback at the restaurant of the high school probably] Ali: Ask him. You'll never know unless you ask. Now. Hanna: Um, Sean? Did you hear about the party at Noel kahn's? Sean: I heard. Hanna: I don't know. I was thinking about going, so I'm just wondering if you want to go too, with me. Ali: Everybody's going. She's going, I'm going. Why aren't you? Sean: Oh, yeah, no, I guess I am. [Back in the office] Wilden: What about this guy ? Did she ever talk about him? Hanna: What? Wilden: Stay with me, Hanna. It's important. Hanna: Why? What's the point? Wilden: The point is I'm trying to flesh out the details of that summer. Hanna: So you can ask me how much weight I lost? By making it look like hefty Hanna wanted Alison dead so I could replace her? Wilden: I'm not questioning you as a suspect, Hanna. We're just having a chat. Besides, one can't underestimate how much the past informs the present. Hanna: Really. So, you're still that same party boy you were in the class of '96? Did you call me down here to do keg stands? Wilden: Wow, looks like somebody's been doing their own homework. Hanna: I like to know who's joining us for breakfast. And, by the way, my tenth-grade picture isn't even in that yearbook. I had mono and missed the deadline. Now, my makeup picture is in my living room, which you must've seen while you were wearing a towel. Is that how the police build their cases these days? [SCENE_BREAK] [In the corridors of the high school] Spencer: What are you doing? Is that a new phone? Aria: Yeah, I'm checking my Kin. I'll just write on Hanna's wall from here. Emily: If she's not answering texts, what makes you think she's checking Facebook? Aria: It's worth a try. Hanna: What's going on? Aria: We've been trying to get ahold of you. What happened in there? Hanna: Nothing, just the same old stupid questions. Spencer: You were in there for an hour, Hanna. What else did he ask? Hanna: Nothing. He just took a couple calls, and I just sat there, waiting for him to shut up. Aria: Well, is he gonna question all of us alone now? Hanna: Who knows? Look, let's do this at lunch, okay? I have to hit the ladies' before my next class. Spencer: Is she being weird? Emily: She's being weird. I'll see you guys at lunch. Spencer: Bye. [In Ezra's classroom] Aria: Hey. Ezra: Hey. Are you here to ask about the homework assignment? Aria: Do you have plans this weekend? Ezra: I'm thinking we should talk about the homework assignment. Aria: So you do have plans. Ezra: I don't. Aria: Okay, well, there's... This opening at the gallery where my mom works, and I promised I'd help out, so if you're free... Ezra: Do you think that's wise, hanging with you and your folks, a parent-teacher conference over free wine? Aria: Okay, fine. It's a bad idea. What... if we met up afterwards? I could tell them I'm going to Noel kahn's party. Ezra: Maybe you should. Go to the party. Aria: Why... would I want to do that? Ezra: So your classmates don't suspect you've lost interest in your peers. Aria: Too late. Ezra, I want... Oh. A woman enters Mrs Welch: Ezra.. Oh, Sorry. Excuse me. Ezra: No, it's fine. Come in, Mrs. Welch. Um. So, are we clear about the homework assignment? Aria: Yes, totally. If I have any questions, I'll reach out to you. Ezra: Great. Aria: Thank you, Mr. Fitz. [In front of Wren's "squat"] Wren: Did your sister send you here? Spencer: God, no. She has no idea I even called you. Things were never great between us, but... now it's like the hurt locker. It just gets worse every day. Wren: I'm sorry to hear that. Spencer: So, you're living here now? Wren: Squatting. It's not exactly the Hastings manor, but I have a whole sofa to myself. Spencer: Wren, I need your help. Wren: We only have the one sofa. Can you sleep on a ping-pong table? Spencer: Look, I need you to tell them what really happened. Wren: I tried. They won't return my phone calls. Spencer: I know I'm not completely innocent in all of this. I've done a lot of stuff that I'm not proud of, but... not that night. I never wanted you guys to break up. Wren: I don't think it would matter what I said. Once your parents decide how they're gonna think of someone, it's royal decree. You're brilliant, you're rubbish. There's very little in between. Spencer: Could you at least try my dad again? Wren: Spencer, put your efforts elsewhere. My guess is that your jail sentence will be commuted the moment you score a winning point or ace a test. Spencer: This might not be that simple. Wren: Give it time. Look, I know I made a bloody mess of it, and I'm sorry for putting you in the middle of it. But perhaps my real mistake was falling for the wrong sister. Spencer: Um, I should go. It's just the 4:00 train, and I have this huge paper to write that's due Monday. Wren: You gotta get back to that wretched place called home, right. [In the girls' locker room of the high school] Emily: Hello? Hello? Anybody here? Hello? Ben appears Oh, God! Ben: Damn! You're jumpy. Emily: How did you get in here? Ben: Walked. Emily: Yeah, well, if somebody catches you... Ben: I'll take my chances. Besides, we need some alone time. Emily: I... need to get dressed. Ben: Don't bother. Emily: I can't do this now. My mom's expecting me. Ben: What's up, Em? Last week you were all over me in my car. This week I'm some marching band geek with funyun breath. What's going on? Emily: Nothing. I've just... got a lot on my mind, okay? Ben: All right. Maybe you need to relax. Emily: Ben, I can't do this right now. Ben: What? Emily: Seriously, stop it. Hey, you're acting strange. Ben, get off me! Get off! Stop it! Toby comes in, and fights with Ben That's enough! Okay? Stop. Ben: Is this creep a friend of yours? Is he the reason you're acting like this? Emily: Ben, get over yourself, okay? Ben: Get over myself? Emily: It's done. We're over. [Ella's office] Ella: The owner refuses to use a computer, which is only mildly irritating, because half of these contacts died during the Reagan administration. That was fast. This is my daughter, Aria. Also known as my savior, because when I got here, there were about three cups. Thank you, my dear. Uh, this is Meredith. She works with your dad. Meredith: We've met, actually. Nice to see you. Ella: Meredith just wandered in. She's looking for somebody who shows alternative art. Meredith: And your mother's been very helpful. Thank you so much, Ella. Ella: Oh, you're welcome. So, we'll see you tonight? Meredith: Mm-hmm. Ella: Okay. Aria: Tonight? Ella: Yeah, I invited her to the opening, which may be a success now that we don't have to eat Cobb salad with our fingers. Thank you. I'll see you later. Meredith: For Sure. Bye-bye. Aria: You can't come tonight. Meredith: Why not? Aria: You know why not, and so do I... But my mom doesn't. Meredith: I don't know what you're talking about. Aria: Look, I saw the way you were looking at my dad yesterday. I have eyes, so just find someone who's available. My dad isn't. [The Marins' kitchen] Ashley: How are you getting home? If there's any drinking, I will pick you up. Wilden: Or I could take you, if you don't mind riding in the squad car. I wouldn't use the cuffs. Hanna: I'll be fine, thanks. Hanna leaves Wilden: What? It was a joke. Ashley: So, have you heard from the store? Are they prosecuting or... or not? Wilden: No, I haven't heard, but I have a call into them, so... Wilden takes a bracelet in Hanna's bag Ashley: What are you doing? Wilden: Where have I seen this before? It's nice. Is that from you? Ashley: Alison gave it to her. Wilden: That's right. She mentioned that at school today. Ashley: Why were you at her school? Wilden: I was interviewing Hanna again. That's my day job. Ashley: Why was my kid being questioned a second time? Wilden: Because she's close to the victim, and because kids keep secrets. Ashley: Not mine. And if you're thinking she knows more than she's letting on, you're out of line. Sticky fingers is a long way off from what you're talking about. Wilden: Okay, easy mama bear. It's just a routine investigation. Ashley: Well, then you're gonna need a search warrant to go through her purse. Wilden: So, can I help with dinner? Ashley: Yeah. She gives him the pizza Have it someplace else. Breakfast, too. [At Noel's] Maya: Come on, lighten up. Emily: I should've stayed home. Maya: Why, 'cause you broke up with somebody? What are you supposed to do, spend the rest of the school year hiding under your bed? Emily: There he is. Maya: Did you do that to his face? Damn. It's a good color on him. Hanna: Hey, Em. Sean: Yo, what just happened? Ben: So, you decided to come after all. Emily: Yeah, I did. Just not with you. [In the Hastings' kitchen] Spencer transfers Melissa's homework on her laptop and puts her name where Melissa's one was written. Veronica enters, Melissa follows Spencer: Hey. Hi, how was the club? Veronica: Chilly. Nobody who works there can figure out a thermostat. Did you eat? Spencer: Yeah, I made some pasta if you're hungry. Melissa: I'm not eating pasta. I don't need to be depressed and fat. Veronica: Good point. I'll make a salad. Let me get out of these clothes. She leaves Melissa: Wren called. He told me you went into the city yesterday to meet him. It was strange. At first I wasn't sure why he was telling me this, but then I realized he's still trying to cover his tracks and yours. Like I'm supposed to believe you took a train down there just to clear your name? You two deserve each other. I thought I was pathetic. [Noel's party] Sean: Ooh! Damn. Did you see that? Hanna: Awesome. Look, can this be your last game? Mona: Whatever. Have you guys...? Seriously. Hanna: I'll be right back. [Outside] Aria: He tackled Ben? What was Toby even doing in the girls' locker room? Spencer: Why are you shocked? Toby's a perv. We caught him peeping through the windows, watching us undress. Emily: Alison's the one who saw him do that. We never did. Hanna: What's up? Aria: Toby Cavanaugh got into a fight with Ben over Emily. Emily: It wasn't over me. God. Look, he just... saved me. Spencer: For what, himself? Hanna: Ew. Aria: If we hadn't asked you about Ben, would you have told us about this? Spencer: Toby is not a good guy, Emily. He could be seriously dangerous. Emily: If he's such a bad guy, why'd he take the fall for us? Aria: Is this another secret? Do you know something that we don't? Hanna: Guys, why don't we just, like chill, and talk about this somewhere else? When we're alone. Aria: I... don't even know what "just us" means anymore. Hanna: Yeah, uh... Let's talk about it tomorrow, okay? Are we still meeting up at the shed? She leaves Aria: Yeah. Yeah, sure. Why not? Emily: Where are you going? Aria: The gallery. I promised my mom. She leaves and Maya comes to Emily & Spencer Maya: Have you checked out the photobooth they've got in there? Emily: No. Show me the booth. [Flashback, in front of Toby's -probably-] Ali (to Toby): I'll make sure everybody knows! (To Spencer) Didn't I tell you to stay over there, and let me take care of this? What did you hear? Spencer: Nothing. Nothing. Emily: What's going on? What happened to Jenna? Ali: It's done. We were never here. Let's go. Hanna: But... Ali: But what? Hanna: What if we said it was an accident? Ali: No, we're not telling anybody anything. Damn it, Hanna. Don't make me sorry I ever included you in the first place. I have gone out of my way to bring your big, wannabe butt into this group. You better keep your mouth shut, unless you want to go back to spending your weekends alone, dance dance revolution and a jumbo bag of chips. Aria: Ali, stop it! Just leave her alone. Ali: I'm sorry, Hanna. I didn't mean that. I'm just freaked out, guys. This is bad. Really bad. I never would've done it if I thought someone was in there. I just... I don't know what's gonna happen... to us. Can we just go? Come on. [Back at the party] Sean: What made you come up here? Hanna: I had some time to kill while you were foosballing. Sean: Hey, I was on a roll! Hanna: I thought you liked contact sports. [In the photobooth] Emily: Ready? Maya: Wait. I gotta prepare. If this comes out decent, I'm gonna cut mine out and replace the one on my driver's license. Emily: Yeah, they're always scary. Maya: No, I skipped scary. I went straight to snooki. Emily: Can I see it? Come on, I'll show you mine. It's probably worse. Maya: No way. What could be wrong with yours? You're crazy beautiful. Emily: Uh, which button is it again? Um, this one. She presses the button Okay. Photos are taken, they kiss, another photo is taken, they leave the photobooth Maya: Think there's any pizza left? Emily: Where are the pictures? Maya: Damn, I told you I break cameras. Emily: No, seriously, where are they? Maya: Probably just ran out of paper. Come on. Let's eat something. [Somewhere near Noel's house] Sean: What are you looking for? Hanna: What do you think? Sean: Hanna, please stop. Hanna: You're kidding, right? I mean, you said you wanted it to be special. This is pretty special, if you're not afraid of spiders. Sean: Oh, it's... I don't wanna do this right now. Hanna: Well, then, where do you want to go? We can't exactly afford a weekend at a five-star hotel. Sean: It's not about where. Hanna: Then what is it about? Is this about me? Tell me. Tell me why this is not happening, and don't start quoting scripture. Sean: Why are you acting like this? Hanna: Like what? Sean: Like you've got something to prove. Hanna: Because maybe I do! Maybe you still think of me as that dumpy junior high girl who laughed at all your jokes and gave you cuts in line and followed you around like some groupie. Sean: No, I... I liked that girl. But... but this one seems... desperate. Hanna: Any guy at this party would be happy to be with me. Why aren't you? Sean: We already talked about this, okay? Take this. It's cold up here. Hanna: Leave me alone. I don't want your stupid jacket. [At the gallery] Byron: Well, you are. Ella: He's just saying this because he has to. Byron: No, I.. Meredith comes in Aria: What are you doing here? Did you forget what we talked about? Meredith: You talked. I listened. Aria: What didn't you understand? You need to leave now. Meredith: Listen, sweetie, I'm not in high school. You don't have any say in this. [Outside Noel's] Mona: Hanna! Hanna, what's up? Hanna! Wait, why are you taking Sean's car? Hanna! [Ezra's apartment] Ezra: Hey. I thought you were helping out at the gallery. Aria: I was. Can I come in? Ezra: I'm not sure if that's a good idea. Aria: I'm s... I'm sorry. This was... a mistake. I shouldn't have come here. I just didn't know where else to go. I'll see you on Monday. Ezra: No, wait. Are you... are you okay? Do you need me to drive you home? Aria: That's the last place I want to be. Ezra: Why? What happened? Aria: Can... can we just... be here for a minute? [In front of Emily's] Emily: Good night Maya. Maya: Godd night Emily. See you. Emily walks to Toby's Emily: Hi. I... I never got a chance to... I just wanted to thank you. I mean... I'm not sure why you... Well, it doesn't matter. Again, thanks. She leaves Jenna: Why is she thanking you? Why is she thanking you? Toby: It's not what you think. [In the woods] Spencer: Alison wanted us across the streetso she could have it out with Toby. Ali had something on him. Hanna: Besides being a total perv who peeped in our windows? Spencer: Yeah, something way bigger, and she was threatening to tell everybody. That's why he took the fall for us. Aria: Why are you waiting until now to tell us? Spencer: I don't know. Ali made me promise, and... I guess I was scared. I thought if we never talked about that night again, it would just go away. Hanna: Well, it's not going away. Not unless we toss our phones and join the Navy. Emily: Look, there's four of usand one freak sending messages. If we just talk to each other like this, I feel like it makes it easier to deal with everything. Aria: I think Emily's right. There's way too many secrets. We shouldn't do this in the middle of nowhere. We should do it where we can see it every day. Hanna: You mean, like, somewhere in school? Aria: No. In town. We should ask if we can put a bench somewhere. Wait, and you know what? Whoever did this to her, if they're still in rosewood, we should make them look at it every day, too. Spencer: What, you hate the idea? Hanna: No. No, I just... I had a rough night. Branches rustle, the girls run Hanna: Look. Spencer: Is that yours? Aria: Alison's.

The girls try to pay tribute to Alison's memory, but they are still faced with unresolved issues. Toby, Jenna's stepbrother, has come back to school. Aria has an unpleasant encounter with her father's former mistress. Spencer faces a vengeful Melissa after her kiss with Wren. Hanna tries to get Sean to forget the 'old Hanna'. Toby and Ben (Emily's boyfriend) have a fight and Emily breaks up with him. Emily and Maya get closer, since Ben is no longer in the picture and Spencer copies her sister's essay and claims it as her own. The girls realize that leaving the past behind is much harder than they first thought. ' A' ending: 'A' listens to jazz music as they print copies of the pictures of Emily and Maya in the Photo Booth.

fd_Alias_03x06

fd_Alias_03x06_0

(Fade to black. Cut to rolling coastline of beach houses. Cut to Sydney running through a park. This is not a leisurely run. She looks more as if she's pushing herself, perhaps running from the demons in her life. She slows and stops, removing headphones from her ears and bending over to take a drink from a water fountain.) Sloane (voiceover): Hello, Sydney. (Sydney looks up, shocked. Cut to see Sloane standing ten feet away from her.) Sydney: What do you want? (She switches off her walkman radio. Sloane walks toward her, clutching a small bottle of water in his hand.) Sloane: The Covenant is about to make a move. Sydney: If you have some intel, protocol is you pass it through Lauren Reed. She's your handler. Sloane: Well, Ms. Reed is very able, but I'm afraid she can't possibly comprehend the intricacies of serving two masters simultaneously. You were brilliant at it. The way you would walk into my office, look me in the eyes and lie to me. (He nods.) For me to succeed in my new work as a double agent for the Covenant, I'll need your help. Sydney: Your needs don't concern me. Sloane: You'll find the details on toureurope.eu. It's encoded in a photo of the Vatican. The password is “Credit Dauphine” for old time's sake. (Sydney looks away slightly, arms crossed impatiently.) Sydney: Clever. (Sloane takes a swig from his water bottle, then dries his mouth with the back of his hand.) Sloane: Hmm I miss LA. I miss Emily. I miss the friendship with your father. (sighs) I miss your confidence and trust. Perhaps, I can get it back someday? Sydney: You will never have my confidence and trust or my father's friendship and respect ever. (Sloane just studies Sydney and then smirks slightly as if she's just said something funny.) (Cut to Vaughn dressed in full hockey gear, minus helmet, at the rink, skating hard across the ice surface.) Weiss (voiceover): You don't want any of “Weiss on Ice” Come on, buddy! (Vaughn takes a shot that goes right by Weiss, dressed in full goalie gear.) Weiss: All right, I wasn't ready! Wait ‘til I say the words, “I'm ready.” (Vaughn lines up about 15 feet away from Weiss and shoots four pucks (wristshots) in quick succession at him. Weiss protests between each one.) Weiss: Whoa! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! . Dude, what's the matter with you? (Vaughn, skating backwards, resetting for more shots. His voice is brooding.) Vaughn: Nothing. (Vaughn takes another shot, which Weiss catches in his catching glove. He tosses it back out on the ice toward Vaughn.) Weiss: My brother used to do this. Vaughn (skating about restlessly): Do what? Weiss: Shut down like you're doin'. Get all quiet and ‘tough guy'. Vaughn (taking another shot): That's not what I'm doing. (Vaughn goes back to skating restlessly.) Weiss: Yeah, he'd deny it, too. Then he'd brood and get mopey, like you're doin'. Finally, it got too much for him he'd have to come around and tell me what the problem was (Vaughn stops skating and lets out a large impatient sigh.) Vaughn: It's been three weeks since I learned that Sydney murdered Lazarey I've been lying to my wife for three weeks. Weiss: Vaughn, I know guys who've lied to their wives for a lot longer than that (Vaughn gives Weiss a dirty look.) Vaughn: You understand that the reason your brother didn't like talking to you is because you say stupid things, right? (Vaughn fires an annoyed slapshot off the boards to the right (from Vaughn's angle) of the goal. It makes a loud noise and skitters away.) Weiss: Listen you were ordered not to say anything, right? This isn't your choice! Vaughn: Yeah, and she was ordered to figure out who murdered Lazarey I mean, that's my point. I'm actively engaged in preventing her from doing her job. (He shakes his head and sighs with frustration again.) She's gonna find out, I mean, you know she is (Weiss nods with a little sigh.) Weiss: and that you're protecting Sydney Vaughn: Yeah See where I'm going with this? Weiss: Well This is why people from the CIA should not get married to people from the NSC, man. Don't poop where you sleep (This response is not what Vaughn is looking for; it only irritates him more.) Vaughn: Thanks a lot (Vaughn fires a wicked slapshot right at Weiss' right pad. It connects hard and Weiss collapses to his knees in the net as Vaughn skates off.) Weiss: Oh! .Okay .You know what? That hurts (Cut to evening scene of a narrow European street. STRASSBURG. Cut to a dark nondescript van driving down the street. Cut to a Covenant member, not one we've seen before, holding out a manila envelope.) Member: This is where Lang will be (Cut to Sark, taking the envelope.) Sark: I'll take care of it. Member: It must be done a certain way. There's an a extraction required. Sark: I assume you've stepped out the details Member: Yeah, your partner's been briefed. Sark: My partner!? I don't think so. Member: This is not a request Sark: Look, if you don't trust me by now perhaps you should be in business with someone else and you can tell that to San'ko. (The Member just laughs as an unamused Sark looks on. Cut to an overhead aerial view of downtown LA by day. Cut to the JTF Conference room.) Dixon: We've logged on to Tour Europe and downloaded Sloane's intel. The Covenant is after a device that will give them access to Russia's strategic arsenal. It was designed by this man (shows a picture on screen), Robert Lang, hardware engineer for a German security firm. Jack: Lang was approached by someone posing as a Russian defense official. They contracted him to design a test for security flaws in their nuclear command and controls system. Marshall: This guy Lang created this really cool device. Basically, take it to any missile silo in all of Russia and it interfaces with the launch control console, bypasses all security protocols: initiation codes, the commander's launch key irrelevant. Sydney: It's a skeleton key for Russia's nuclear weapons? Marshall: Yeah and to be honest, I'm just a little bit jealous Lauren: Did they ever deliver it to the Covenant? Jack: No. He discovered that the man who hired him wasn't actually Russian defense, at which point, Lang went on the run to prevent the Covenant from getting what he'd invented. Dixon: This is a picture of what he used to look like. (Nods to picture still up on monitor.) Jack: According to Sloane's intel, Lang has surgically altered his appearance to hide from the Covenant. Dixon: We know that tomorrow night Lang is scheduled to meet this man (picture flashes up on screen) Heinrich Strauss at the Club Delphi in Milan. He's picking up new identity papers. Jack: Remember, Sloane's intel came from the Covenant, so obviously they're looking to grab Lang and this skeleton key. Dixon: Sydney and Vaughn you need to get to Lang before the Covenant does. You leave tonight. Marshall will go over op tech. Lauren, Sydney I need a moment. (They wait while the others file from the room. Dixon approaches them.) Given the current situation, I need to make a change. (Dixon looks at Sydney.) I want you to take over as Sloane's handler. Sydney (speechless for a moment and then): No, I'm sorry that is not a good idea. Lauren: While it's not my favorite part of the job, can I ask why I'm being replaced? Dixon: It's not an indictment. It's that Sydney is more familiar with the players (Sydney gives a confused look at Lauren and then to Dixon.) Sydney: What players? There's Sloane and Sark that's it. Dixon: No. There's another. (pause while realization starts to dawn on Sydney's face) Sydney Allison Doren is alive. (Pain and shock appears on Sydney's face. She looks away. Then she looks up and asks in disbelief) Sydney: She's alive? (Cut to the back of a van door opening and Sark being shoved out of it by the Covenant member he'd been talking to. Sark turns around to look at the man.) Member: You can thank me later (He closes the door. As the van starts to drive away, Sark turns around. Cut to a closeup shot of a high heeled shoe as it steps out from an open car door. We watch the door shut and the shoes walk toward Sark. The camera pans up: Black high heels, black stockings, black miniskirt, black jacket. The woman is walking toward Sark (The camera is behind her.) Cut to Sark's reaction. His eyes widen in complete shock. Cut to who he's looking at. It's Allison Doren stopping in front of him. She leans in to kiss him, and then) Allison: You look like you've seen a ghost. (Cut to black. Alias theme. End of Act One.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to an external view of what is apparently a European hotel at night. Cut and pan across a bedside table to Sark and Allison in bed, apparently naked. Sark is spooned behind Allison.) Sark: I truly thought you were dead the last two years. You'll have to start at the beginning or the end, after the last time I saw you Allison: Will Tippin discovered what had happened that his girlfriend had been killed and I'd been doubled to take her place. (Flashback to the beginning of the fight scene between Allison and Will, when she tries to strangle him.) Allison (voiceover): He had to be eliminated. (Cut back to Allison and Sark in bed.) Sark: What happened with Bristow? When the Covenant found you, you were both unconscious. Allison: I can only remember that in bits and pieces. (Flashback to the scenes from “The Telling” of the fight as she speaks). She came home I realized that she knew she aimed the gun at me (cut back to the present) The next thing I remember, it was three weeks later and I woke up in a Covenant run hospital outside of Marseilles. Took me six months to fully recover. I've been working for them ever since. Sark: Were you behind them extracting me from the CIA? Allison: I wish I could claim credit for that. I only learned you were working for us recently. Sark: My tenure began shortly after my father's murder. They freed me in exchange for my inheritance. Allison: Who killed your father? Sark: I don't know but I intend to find out. (Allison turns in bed, her back more to Sark now. He fingers her shoulder.) Sark: Bristow should have to pay for these scars (Sark leans down and kisses her shoulder, presumably on her scars) Allison: She will. (Allison turns and Sark kisses her.) (Cut to an aerial view of the Observatory.) Lauren (voiceover): I'm no longer Sloane's handler. Dixon gave that job to Sydney Bristow. (We see on Lauren's face that this still bothers her.) (Cut to Lauren sitting next to Lindsay on a bench. They aren't looking at each other, almost as if they are meeting secretly.) Lindsay: Good. That frees you up to focus on the Lazarey murder. We have a source working inside the Russian government who's agreed to help us out. Lauren: They have the assassin's identity? Lindsay: Not yet. But apparently they hold information that could lead us to it. Lauren: Then why aren't they using it? Lazarey was a Russian diplomat. You'd think they'd want that answer more than any of us Lindsay: The Covenant doesn't want anyone to know they're behind the assassination. Lauren: And your source believes their reach extends so far within the Russian government that they can make that happen. Lindsay: You leave tonight. Any leak, and our source could be compromised and killed. That means no one at the CIA can know about this, including your husband. (Lauren reacts to this news. The dread forms in her eyes and she sighs heavily and looks away. She's not looking forward to having to lie to Vaughn.) (Cut to two open suitcases on a bed. Slowly pan upward to see Vaughn packing. He's dressed in only a dark pair of pants. His boxer shorts peek out the top of the waistband, and what looks like it could be a gauze bandage can barely be seen under that. He puts a shirt inside his suitcase.) Vaughn: Vienna Lauren: I know surprised me, too (Lauren walks out from presumably the bathroom carrying some clothing, crosses behind Vaughn, around the side of the bed to the opposite side. She's dressed in skimpy black bra and panties and black high heels. She drops a black dress into the other suitcase and starts slipping her legs inside a black skirt.) Vaughn (continuing to pack): For how long? Lauren: Oh, you know how they go it's a NATO security briefing. Two days at the most. (I must mention here that even though Lauren is barely dressed, Vaughn barely even looks at her. I don't know if that is supposed to mean anything here, but I mentioned it just in case it does.) (Vaughn looks up at Lauren suspiciously. There's a touch of doubt on his face. He's not sure he believes her.) Vaughn (pauses, then): I'm surprised Lindsay reassigned you to cover a briefing (Lauren sits down on the bed. From our angle, we can see she's nervous and bothered about having to lie.) Lauren (slightly breathless, trying to sound cheerful): I know but he said he needs me there couldn't exactly say no, could I? (Lauren bends forward a little; we see her grimace. She plays with her earring nervously. Vaughn gives her back another look of almost betrayal as if he knows she's lying.) Lauren (in a quiet voice): What about Milan? (Cut to Vaughn slipping on a navy blue button down shirt. His face says he's hurt that she's lying to him, because he knows she is. He plays with the collar of his shirt and starts to button it.) Vaughn: Should be a quick turnaround. Be back in a day. (Lauren turns her head to the side and then stands up to face Vaughn.) Lauren: When we get back when we're done with this (Vaughn looks up to meet her eyes. He's tense; we can see it in the way his jaw is set.) Lauren: we need to go away. (Vaughn gives her a tiny knowing smile.) Vaughn: The desert? Lauren (shaking her head): Anywhere (They lock eyes. Vaughn smiles a little and then the smile fades slightly as he continues to stare at her.) (Cut to a car driving away from us behind a row of warehouses. MOSCOW. Cut to Lauren and the contact inside one of the warehouses talking in hushed tones.) Lauren: My superior indicated, Mr. Tipucoff, that you have some information for us. Tipucoff: How does a British woman become an American spy? Lauren: I'm not a spy. And though I grew up in London, I was born in the United States. Now that you know my life story, I have some questions myself. Your government's running a probe into this. I would think you'd want to bring closure to your own investigation. Why come to us? Tipucoff: I already explained this to your superiors. Lauren: I want to hear it for myself. Tipucoff: Andrean and I were, um colleagues, since our time together at St. Petersburg University. Lauren: I'm sorry. Tipucoff: I have for some time now, suspected the existence of a mole whom I believe is still loyal to the Covenant. (pulls his hand out of his pocket and hands Lauren a digital recorder) This is a file of digital recordings, which chronicles hundreds of phone calls made or received by our deceased diplomat, Andrean Lazarey. Perhaps the murderer can be traced to one of these calls. I trust that you'll see that justice is done for my murdered comrade. (He starts to walk away.) Lauren: Where can I contact you? (Tipucoff turns and looks back.) Tipucoff: You can't. We never had this conversation. (Tipucoff walks away. Cut to black.) (MILAN. Push through the A. An overhead shot of a streetcorner at dusk. Cut to Vaughn, in black leather jacket, holding a Palm Pilot in what is apparently their surveillance van. Vaughn speaks louder than normal, as if speaking to someone in another room.) Vaughn (playful, joking): So that camera that Marshall gave us is a miniaturized X-ray camera What do you want to bet this thing's leaking radiation? (Cut to a sliding curtain door as it opens. Sydney emerges in costume: Chin length flip hairdo, blonde on top with dark hair underneath the top layer; 60's style white sequin minidress and calf high white go-go boots, topped with a white suede coat with a fur collar. She steps out. He looks up at her, smile still touching at the corners of his mouth. His eyes widen as the smile slips off his face. His mouth gapes open slightly and he leans back in his chair, unable to stop staring at her. Sydney breaks eye contact first and looks away uncomfortably.) Sydney: So we're looking for Lang (Vaughn takes the subtle hint and gets back in game mode. He looks away momentarily and then back, more in game mode.) Vaughn: Yeah the camera's supposed to ID his plastic surgery. (Sydney walks over and sits next to Vaughn as he continues to explain.) Vaughn: It'll transmit images back to my PDA that Marshall programmed to identify fractures, scar tissue, implants anyone who's been under the knife. (Sydney looks down at her lap. She appears troubled. This doesn't escape Vaughn's notice.) Vaughn: You okay? (Sydney looks up, meets his eyes.) Sydney: Mmmhmmm. (Vaughn looks down, playing with the PDA.) Vaughn (not looking at Sydney): Is it Allison? (He looks up at her. He knows.) Sydney: Since I learned that she's alive I keep wondering Does she still look like her? Does she look like Francie? (Vaughn continues to meet her eyes, his understanding and empathy plain.) Sydney: Because if she does? As much as I know I should keep her alive to maybe try to figure out the last two years of my life? All I'll wanna do is kill her. (Their eyes meet.) (Cut to Francie, dressed in black, apparently on the rooftop of the club. Sark walks toward her, handing her an envelope.) Sark: Heinrich Strauss he's the man providing Lang with identity papers. As we speak, he's getting drunk in the club. Allison: I'll keep an eye on him. (Cut to Vaughn, picking up the necklace that Marshall made for the op.) Vaughn: The camera's in the stone. (He holds the necklace out.) Sydney (quietly): Do you mind? Vaughn (just as quietly): No. (Cut to closeup on Sydney's fingers unbuttoning her coat to slip it off her bare shoulders. We see the pendant appear on the front of her dress and then pull up. The camera pans upward to Sydney's face as Vaughn's hand rests against her shoulder as he does up the clasp of the necklace. It brings back memories for her. Slide over to Vaughn's face. He's just as affected by the moment, if not more. He pulls his hands away slowly and just as slowly pulls the fur collar back into place. Sydney looks down sadly.) Sydney (barely above a whisper): Thank you. (Cut to Allison pulling on fingerless leather gloves. She opens a soft case, exposing a sniper rifle. She locks a silencer in place, lifts the rifle to look down the telescoping sight. She locks a clip in place and cocks it. She zips up her black leather jacket and says, apparently to Sark ) Allison: Let's go. (Cut to Sydney's go-go boot. She pulls aside her ankle length coat, exposing the calf high boots, wide expanse of leg, and a gun harness strapped on her upper thigh. She slips a pistol inside it, saying) Sydney: Let's go. (Cut to inside the club, pan down from the ceiling to Sydney as she begins to work the crowd.) Vaughn (voiceover, on comms): Okay, we're looking for someone with massive facial reconstruction. Lang's about 5' 10”, 170 pounds. (Cut to a closeup of the necklace.) Sydney (voiceover): How's the camera working? Vaughn (on comms): Video's linking up now. (Cut to view of video coming up on Vaughn's PDA. Cut to Vaughn on a balcony above the dance floor, surveying the scene.) Vaughn: Signal strength's at 100%. (Cut to view from above of Sydney making her way to the bar counter.) Sydney (voiceover): I'll start looking for Lang. Vaughn (on comms): Hey, check out that guy to your left. (Cut to Sydney as she looks over her shoulder at a young man in black wearing spectacles. She gives him a seductive smile, plays with her necklace and says) Sydney: Buy me a drink? (The man puts up a finger to attract the bartender's attention. Sydney looks around as she waits to hear from Vaughn. Cut to Vaughn looking at the PDA, then to the image on the PDA. The program searches the man's face. He's not a match. Cut to Vaughn.) Vaughn: Nothing. (A new song starts to play. As the man holds out the drink to her, she waves her hand and starts to walk away saying,) Sydney: I love this song. Vaughn (on comms as Sydney works the crowd): Okay, nothing there Keep moving Oh! Check out that guy with no rhythm (Sydney grabs both the man's hands and starts dancing with him while Vaughn checks out his face. Cut to Vaughn.) Vaughn: No, only a nose job not enough to be Lang. (Cut back to Sydney. She dances for another moment, then moves on. Cut to a view of the crowd from Sydney's pendant.) Vaughn (voiceover): Chin implant at 3 o'clock (Cut to Vaughn looking at his PDA) Vaughn: Collagen lips straight ahead (Cut to Vaughn's PDA as he focuses in on a woman in a low cut white satin gown shimmying to the music. An X-ray interpretation of the shot reveals ) Vaughn (jokingly sarcastic): Okay, those breasts are real (Cut to Sydney as she smiles at Vaughn's joke. Cut back to Vaughn.) Vaughn (joking): What do you think? Should I get my nose done? Sydney (as she surreptitiously turns on her comm.): Maybe a little tapering Vaughn (on comms): Get the bump removed? (Cut to Vaughn.) Vaughn: Whoa, wait, wait, wait go back. Go back to your left, 2 o'clock. (Sydney takes a step back, turning her pendant.) Sydney: Right there? (Cut to the man the pendant is pointing at.) Vaughn (voiceover): Yeah, yeah hold it just like that. (Cut to Vaughn as he checks the man's face.) Vaughn: Okay, nose, chin, cheek lift, eye config That's Lang! (Cut to Lang as Strauss approaches him.) Sydney (on comms): And there's Strauss. (Strauss hands Lang a small manila envelope. Cut to Sydney.) Sydney: He just got his identity papers (Cut back to Lang as a red dot appears, moving around his head.) Sydney: Someone has a laser sight on him! (Cut to Allison in the balcony, aiming her sniper rifle at Lang's head. Cut back to Sydney as she rushes toward Lang, grabbing him and throwing him to the floor. A bullet hits Strauss in the chest a split-second later. Sydney pulls her pistol and shoots at Allison in the balcony. Allison ducks behind a wall. As Sydney continues to return fire, she says on comms) Sydney: Vaughn, Allison's the shooter; she's up in the balcony. (Cut to Vaughn, running.) Vaughn: I'm on my way! (Cut to Allison as she starts shooting into the crowd, presumably at Sydney and/or Lang. People scream and run. Glasses get shot on the counter. Sydney returns fire as Lang starts to crawl off.) Sydney: Wait! Lang! (He doesn't stop, runs away.) Sydney: Don't move! (She gets up to try and follow, but Allison fires at her and Sydney has to dive over the bar to use it as a shield. Cut to Lang, running pell-mell down the staircase. Cut back to Sydney, hiding behind the bar, shielding her face from the broken glass around her.) Sydney: Lang ran out; I'm pinned down. Vaughn, where are you? (Cut to Vaughn, hiding around the corner from where Allison is.) Vaughn: I'm on the balcony! (He leans around the corner and fires three shots at Allison and then hides as she fires at him. Cut to Lang, running for the elevator, pushing the down button and getting on. Cut back to Sydney, still behind the bar. She gets up abruptly to fire, but Allison's gone.) Sydney (to Vaughn on comms): Do you see her!? (Cut to Vaughn.) Vaughn: No, she took off! I'm goin' after her. (Cut to Sydney) Sydney: I'm goin' after Lang. (Cut to Allison, stalking down the corridor toward the elevator. Cut to the inside of the elevator as we watch the lights flash from 4 to 3 to 2, then pan down to Lang's terrified face. The elevator stops. Lang looks up as Allison crashes through the glass ceiling of the elevator, landing easily on her feet.) Allison: Hello. (Allison grabs Lang by the neck and throws him to the floor of the car. She pulls out a tooth extractor and holds it over him as she chokes him with her other hand. She moves forward and then the camera pulls up and away. We are looking down through the hole in the ceiling of the elevator as we hear Lang screaming (as Allison apparently extracts a tooth) The camera pans up the elevator shaft to where Vaughn discovers Allison has wedged the elevator door open with a metallic ash can. Looking down into the shaft he tells Sydney on comms) Vaughn: Sydney, she went down the elevator shaft. She has Lang. (Cut to Sydney) Sydney: What floor is she on? (Cut to Vaughn) Vaughn: The basement. (Cut to Sydney as she pushes open the door leading to the basement. She runs down the hallway and then stops as she reaches the elevator corridor. Sydney walks carefully down the hallway. The door to the elevator is open. A body is lying on the floor of it. She walks forward, turns the corner to look into the elevator. Lang has blood dripping from his mouth. He appears dead. Just then, Allison appears from behind Sydney and hits her on the head with the butt end of her pistol. Sydney collapses. Allison stands over her menacingly. Cut to black. End of Act Two.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Pan across JTF to Weiss and Sydney walking toward Weiss' desk.) Sydney: Why didn't she kill me? Weiss: Maybe she likes you Sydney: Weiss, I'm serious. (Weiss sits in his chair, Sydney sits on the corner of his desk) Weiss: So am I! Come on she lived with you for months! She doubled herself as your best friend maybe in that time, she started to like you. I could see that happening. Sydney (shaking her head, then looking up at Vaughn, standing over Weiss' shoulder): It was like she needed to keep me alive. I..I know this sounds weird, but it was like she was ordered not to kill me. Weiss: Hmmm. Well, that's lucky. Vaughn: I wanna know your fight two years ago. You shot her three times. Weiss: So wait she took this guy's tooth!? Sydney: She took the guy's tooth. Weiss: Just when you think the world can't get any weirder (Lauren walks up to the group with a smile.) Lauren: Hey. Weiss (in greeting): Hey. So, have you checked the dental records to find out what's so weird about his teeth? Sydney: Langley crosschecked all accessible files; they had nothing. But then Lauren was a genius Lauren (embarrassed): Genius isn't quite what I was Weiss (to Lauren): What? What'd ya do? I miss all the good briefings Vaughn: Lauren realized that we already had Lang's X-rays and we could use them to figure out what was in his tooth. Weiss: What!? Sydney: The X-cam Marshall's necklace. We used it to see who had plastic surgery; I took the pictures myself. Weiss: Nice! Lauren: I have a meeting with the NSC Vaughn: I'll walk you out. (Lauren and Vaughn walk away. Vaughn places a hand on Lauren's back as they walk. Sydney watches this; it still bothers her.) Weiss: You know, Vaughn's right; the real question isn't why she didn't kill you it's how come she's still alive at all Maybe Allison's a werewolf Maybe the only way to kill her is with a silver bullet (Sydney takes a preoccupied sip of her tea and then says) Sydney: Yeah (Cut to a side view of a head X-ray) Marshall (voiceover): Okay, if you look right here, this is Lang's jaw before his tooth was removed. Now, if we look closely right here (a pointer points at a specific tooth then the camera angle widens to include Marshall) that looks like a normal filling that when you have a cavity, you have it filled from too much sugar and not flossing which I do every day, twice a day but, upon further examination I actually magnified it over a thousand times, and (focus in on the item in his tooth) it's actually an RFID chip. Now RFID stands for radio frequency identification. Weiss: Uh Flinkman you know what would be great? English Marshall: Oh, okay, sorry I forgot you're not that astute. What can I ? Oh, are you guys familiar with those quickpass things you use at, um, gas stations? You know, uh, go on, uh, key chains, and uh, actually, I think I, uh, have one if you need a visual, uh, demonstration (fumbling with his keys) you know, this, this little thing right here that lets you pay for your gas at the pump you don't have to use a credit card Jack: Marshall Marshall: Yeah? Jack: We're familiar with them. Sydney: Lang has something like that in his tooth? Marshall: Sort of. Um, uh it doesn't work at a gas station although if it did it'd be wicked cool Jack: We believe that Lang used this transmitter to open a high security lockup. Marshall: Yes, and I believe that Lang kept his magic missile launching device locked up, and then used this tooth to open the vault. Vaughn: Or a briefcase I mean, this device could be anywhere. Sydney: We have to assume the Covenant has the location. As far as we know, they could have the device in their possession already. Sloane's our man in the Covenant so I assume there's a plane waiting. (Cut to aerial view of LA by day. Cut to Lauren, presumably at the NSC office. She's speaking to a techie.) Techie: How do I know what I'm looking for? Lauren: I've supplied you with the time and date of Lazarey's murder. Screen any and all calls made in the weeks leading up to it. Based on what we know, we believe the killer was someone he expected. Techie: Lazarey killed by a man or a woman? Lauren: A woman. Techie: It'll take me a while to filter through all these calls Lauren: Any calls with a red flag, run them through voiceprint analysis. Maybe we can make a positive ID on one of these callers. (Cut to black. ZURICH. Push through the U. An aerial shot of Zurich by day.) Sydney (voiceover): Sydney Bristow here to see Arvin Sloane. (Cut to Sloane's secretary's office.) Secretary: Yes, he's been expecting you. Right this way (Cut to Sloane pacing behind his desk, talking on a telephone headset.) Sloane: Of course, Mr. Secretary I'd be happy to speak with the delegation from UNESCO. At their convenience (Sloane looks up to see Sydney standing in the doorway. He silently motions for her to come in.) Sloane: Just let me know thank you. Uh, give my regards to Monique yes. Bye. (he hangs up and takes the headset out of his ear, then addresses Sydney) Sydney, I was very pleased when Dixon said you'd agreed to be my handler Sydney: It was an assignment, not an agreement the way a janitor doesn't agree to clean a toilet But as your handler, you'll do as I say, when I say it. I select your assignments; I design your missions. I control you not the other way around. Sloane: Is that what you used to let Vaughn do? Control you? Sydney (ignoring this): The intel you provided was accurate. The Covenant is in pursuit of a device that would give them access to Russia's strategic weapons. Sloane: You failed to get Lang, didn't you? Sydney: Lang is dead. The Covenant has an access code which will open a vault that contains this device. Sloane: And you know the location of this vault? Sydney: No. But Sark and Allison do, and you're going to get them to give it to you. Sloane: Allison I was wondering when Allison would resurface I'm sorry, Sydney I can only imagine that seeing Allison must be very painful for you. Sydney (hardening, firmly): You will set up a meeting with Sark and Allison. You'll explain to them that their travel plans have been compromised. You'll then offer them assistance in revising their arrangements. Sloane: And pass the information along to you. Sydney (condescending): That won't be necessary; you'll be wearing a wire. Sloane: And if they discover that it's a setup? Sydney (satisfied smirk): Then I get to hear them kill you. (Cut to black. End of Act Three.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Aerial shot of LA by day.) NSC Techie: I went through the entire disc. There were 300 calls and about 12 percent of them are encrypted, including this one from the day before the murder (Cut to Lauren, sitting on the edge of Techie's desk. He pushes a button and the camera focuses on a computer program that is playing the recording.) Lazarey: Hello, this is Andrean. Woman: Hello, Andrean. It's me. Lazarey: Hello. Woman: About the stock transfer Lazarey: So I trust you've located a safe place to park the assets Woman: I have. Lazarey: Well then when would like to come by to discuss the particulars? Woman: Can you make time tomorrow at 3? Lazarey: Of course. I look forward to seeing you then. Woman: See you then. Lazarey: Goodbye. Lauren: That has to be the killer. He was murdered at 3:15. Techie: Mmm. I ran it through analysis; the woman's voice has been digitally altered. Lauren: Can you restore the original? Techie: Mmmm no. It was altered at the source. But, I was able to access records from the Russian telephone exchange Lauren (following his line of thinking): So you can do a trace (Techie smiles triumphantly.) Techie: I already did (he pushes a few buttons on the computer and it shows a running graphic as he speaks.) See, whoever placed the call did an amazing job. They routed to Lazarey's PBX via a defunct satellite network, through the Internet, via IP gateway, and out over a land line to what appears to be a secure telephone at this address (the computer hones in on a place) Lauren: London Techie (in British accent): 34 Trenton Place (in normal voice) Knightsbridge. A company called KNG Microtech. Lauren: Good job. (Cut to a shot of London. Either sunrise or sunset. Lauren pushes open a set of glass doors and walks through it. She walks to a door, knocks on it. When no one answers, she opens the door with a credit card. Cut to Robert Lindsay, listening on a telephone.) Lauren (voiceover): I found the office where the call originated. It's been empty for some time. (Cut to Lauren sitting on a desk in an otherwise empty small office.) Lauren: I spoke to the leasing agent. According to their records, this office was leased a year ago November 24th: a four-year lease, paid in advance. Lindsay: Was there a name on the lease? Lauren: Yes, there was. I believe she is the person who killed Lazarey. Her name is Julia Thorne. (Cut to black. PRAGUE. Push through the G. Evening scene of Prague. Cut to Arvin Sloane, entering an outdoor eating area.) Sloane (on comms): I feel like a field agent again. Sydney (over comms): Do you have a 20 on the targets? Sloane (on comms): Sydney, I've never told you about my time with the Agency, have I? (Cut to Sydney and Weiss on comms) Sydney: Yes or no. (Cut to Sloane) Sloane (voice singsong): I was very patriotic once (Cut to Sydney) Sydney: No one's asking (Weiss gives Sydney a look) Sloane (voiceover): Here they are. (Cut to Allison and Sark sitting at a table waiting for Sloane. Sark's drinking red wine while Allison smokes a cigarette. Sloane approaches them.) Sloane: Mr. Sark Allison (He sits down across from them at the table.) You're looking well. Allison: I look like someone else. When you hired me to undergo gene therapy, you promised me you could reverse engineer the process. (Cut to Weiss and Sydney listening and then back to Sloane) Sloane: Ahhh, but Sydney Bristow destroyed the technology that would have allowed us to return you. I'm sorry for your loss. Sark: You indicated that it was important we meet. Sloane: The CIA is on to you. (Cut to Weiss and Sydney listening. Cut to Sloane.) Sloane: My sources tell me the Agency knows you've extracted an RFID chip from Mr. Lang; the plane that you've chartered is under surveillance. As council to the Covenant, I suggest that you move up your timetable. If you'll let me know where you need to go, I'll have a plane waiting within the hour. (Cut to Allison. She's been watching Sloane closely.) Allison (flatly): He's lying. Sloane: Allison Sark: No, she's a wonderful judge of character Sloane (to Allison): Sydney Bristow found you in Milan. If I were a betting man, I'd say she'd find you again. (more to Sark) I'm simply here to help. (Cut to Weiss and Sydney.) Weiss (whispering): There's no way Sark's gonna go for this (Cut to Sark.) Sark: We're going to Bulgaria. The device is in a vault in Sofia. (Cut to Weiss and Sydney.) Weiss: What'd I tell ya? This is the best plan ever! (Cut to Sloane) Sloane: I can get you there first thing. Sark: Tomorrow morning. Sloane: Done. Sark: Our business here is complete. (Cut to Weiss and Sydney) Sydney (over comms): Ask them where I've been the last two years (Weiss gives Sydney a look. Cut to Sloane.) Sloane: I'll call you as soon as the arrangements are complete. (Cut to Sydney and Weiss.) Sydney (over comms): Ask them or I'll send a feedback signal through your comm so loud they'll hear it and know you're wired at which point they'll kill you. It sucks being a double agent, doesn't it? (Weiss sighs and rubs his eyes with his hand as if he can't believe Sydney is doing this.) (Cut to Sloane as he is about to get up, but then settles back into his seat.) Sloane: You know Allison, I'm thinking seeing you again I'm reminded of all the things that have happened over the past two years. I I'm curious have you and Sydney Bristow crossed paths? Allison: Why? Sloane: Well I heard that you had an opportunity to kill her in Milan and that you didn't take it Allison: The Covenant asked me not to. (Cut to Weiss and Sydney's shock. Cut back to the table.) Sloane: Really? Why is that? Allison: They wanna retrieve something something in her memory. (Weiss looks at Sydney, shocked. Sydney is also surprised. Cut back to the table.) Sloane: What? Something she saw? Something she experienced? Allison: I'm as curious as you are. (Cut back to Weiss and Sydney.) Weiss: Something you saw!? What the hell is that!? Sydney: I have no idea. (Cut to Sydney and Jack in the JTF office.) Jack: Sydney, we've been over this. Sydney: Yes, I know. The NSC techniques to recapture my memories are invasive Jack: Invasive!? That's too benign a word. We're talking about surgical procedures that could leave you with permanent brain damage! Sydney: Allison said the Covenant wants to access something I saw Jack: And we'll discover what that is in time Sydney: Dad, I am walking around with a secret in my head; something so fantastic that the Covenant operatives have been ordered not to kill me. I need to know what that is! Jack: I understand, but we're not doing it like that! Sydney: Then how do you propose we do it!? I am losing my mind! (Dixon walks up from behind them.) Dixon: I just got off the phone with our NIS liaison in Sofia. Once Allison's plane lands, you and Vaughn will coordinate with the local authorities and track her to the location of the vault. We'll wait until she retrieves the device, then apprehend her. Sydney: I understand. Dixon: You leave at once. (Sydney looks uncomfortable. Dixon looks at Jack standing behind her and addresses him.) Dixon: Is there a problem with that? Jack: No there isn't. I'll go over op tech with Marshall. (He leaves.) Dixon: I want you to be clear on the rules of engagement. Sydney: Yes, I know. Allison is another link we now have into the Covenant. She is part of our larger agenda, and as such, is not to be killed. Dixon: I want her dead. Sydney: What!? Dixon: The order from Langley is to bring her in dead or alive. She killed my wife; she killed your best friend so, I look at this as an opportunity. The only reason why I hesitated before was that I hoped that she might have information for you. But now that we know there's no hope for that? (pause, as his face hardens dangerously) I want that bitch dead! (Cut to Sydney's shocked expression as Dixon stalks away. Cut to black. End of Act Four.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Aerial shot of LA by day. Cut to Marshall's techie room, where he's talking to Vaughn.) Marshall: I hear, actually, you wanna track Allison, right? Well, I came up with a solution to that problem The chip inside Lang's tooth; it uses a frequency signature, and that's how it unlocks the vault that contains his missile launching device. Vaughn: You explained this the QuickPass. Marshall (Gesturing to a PDA device on his desk): Now this thing will hone in on the frequency which will lead us to Allison, and she will lead us to the device. (Vaughn makes a “Hmm okay that sounds good” face) Marshall: However I..wasn't really sure exactly the frequency that the chip transmits on, so I, you know, covered a broader spectrum. Vaughn: Is that gonna be a problem? Marshall: No, noooo not really. All right kinda. It might be set off by certain microwave ovens (Vaughn rolls his eyes as if to say “Oh great ”) Marshall: so I'd steer clear of pancake houses of the international variety ? Vaughn: Got it. (Vaughn goes to reach for the PDA, but Marshall blocks him.) Marshall: Whoa! The uh, EPROM chip isn't finished burning, so it's gonna be a while Vaughn: All right, then Just let me know when it's ready. (Vaughn turns to leave.) Marshall: Actually, uh can I ask you a favor? (Vaughn turns back.) Vaughn: Uh, sure. Marshall: I don't know if you've noticed, but, uh I'm not that smooth around the ladies (Vaughn frowns as if to say to Marshall “Hmmm I've never noticed that” while we know he's trying to make him feel better, since it's blatantly obvious Marshall isn't smooth ) Marshall: well, in fact, I'm a little awkward. Well, I mean, let's face it: You got the looks and I got the brains (Vaughn registers this comment and doesn't look too pleased about it.) Marshall: But look, I wanted to propose to Carrie, so I came up with an idea, and I was hoping you could give me some objective feedback. Vaughn (slight sarcasm, raised eyebrows, he can't believe Marshall just said this): I got the looks, you got the brains!? Marshall: Tell me what you think and be brutal okay? Just be honest. Don't uh, hold back or anything okay (Marshall climbs in behind a full drum kit in his workshop. Vaughn stands before him, arms crossed, still rather annoyed by the “looks and brains” comment.) Marshall (tapping on cymbal and snare drum): You're the micro in my chip; the giga in my byte. I think about you, Carrie, every morning, noon and night .morning, noon and night Vaughn: That's Marshall (cutting Vaughn off. He's not done. Going whole hog on the kit now .): Kid! We had sushi! (Vaughn puts his hand over his eyes in embarrassment as if he cannot believe this. Marshall wails on the drums (he's good, by the way). Vaughn crosses his arms again, waiting, then checks his watch as if to say, “God, when is this gonna end!?” Marshall finishes his drum solo and goes back to the soft snare drum and cymbal.) Marshall: I'll protect you, can't you see? Carrie, marry me I love you (closes his eyes as he slowly trails off the cymbal, then opens them, looking up at Vaughn hopefully.) (Vaughn smiles encouragingly.) Marshall: No good? Vaughn: I I think she's gonna say yes. Marshall: Really? Because of the rock jam song? Vaughn: Maybe in spite of the rock jam song. Marshall (relieved): All right! (Beeping emits from Marshall's desk.) Marshall: Oh! Hey your thing's ready (Vaughn walks over to Marshall's desk and retrieves the PDA.) Vaughn: Thanks, Marshall. (He walks out, giving Marshall a little amused smile.) Marshall: Rock on! (Cut to black. SOFIA. Push through the F. A helicopter flies over the city at night. Cut to Vaughn and Sydney inside the helicopter, both wearing headsets.) Vaughn: Sloane put Allison on the ground 20 minutes ago Voice (over comms): Sir, we have a visual (Cut in to their monitors following a car down on the street.) Sydney: There she is. (pause) What is that place? Vaughn: It looks abandoned, like an old hotel. Do you have an address? Sydney: Yeah. 14205 Beckerman. Vaughn: Okay, I'll tell the pilot. (over comms) Put us down near 14205 Beckerman. (Sydney picks up Marshall's device, looking at it.) Sydney: What kind of range does this thing have? Vaughn: Marshall said it should track the signal of the chip Allison's using from about 50 yards. But then he also said that it could be set off by certain microwave ovens Sydney: Well, that's great. Vaughn: Yeah. (Cut to two figures climbing an outdoor back staircase. It's Vaughn and Sydney. Sydney pulls out a portable blowtorch and starts opening the lock as Vaughn watches the progress on the device.) Sydney: Do you have a signal? Vaughn: Well, either Allison's in there, or someone's making microwave popcorn (Sydney gets the lock off and opens the door.) Sydney: Let's go. (Syd and Vaughn access the building. Cut to Allison, walking down a hallway. Cut back to Syd and Vaughn, following her signal.) Sydney: Where is she? Vaughn (starting to jog): Hold on (They jog through a lobby and up a staircase. As they reach the top and turn left ) Vaughn (slightly out of breath): She's 30 feet down on the left. (Vaughn and Sydney approach the door with guns drawn and then enter. The tracker goes bezerk. Then turn the corner. The vault's already open; the device is gone. The tooth has been left behind.) Vaughn: We can't track her without the chip. (Sydney and Vaughn turn just as a shadow crosses the wall in the hallway behind them. Sydney and Vaughn start to follow.) Vaughn: I'll go this way. Sydney: Okay. (They split up. Cut to Syd, running down a hallway. Cut to Vaughn running down a different hallway. Cut to someone going down a flight of stairs. Sydney comes barreling down the staircase behind Allison.) Sydney (over comms): She's in the west stairwell. (Cut to Vaughn.) Vaughn: Copy! (Cut to Allison running through what appears to be the kitchen of the hotel while Sydney shoots at her. Sydney slides across the metal table to get to the other side. Cut to Sydney entering the lobby. She slows, looking around, when suddenly, Allison comes out from behind a pillar, knocking Sydney to the ground. Allison draws her gun on Sydney.) Allison: Well, this is familiar, isn't it? Oh, I was thinking about this all last night; I couldn't sleep. If I follow my orders If I don't kill you; you're gonna kill me. Sorry about Francie; I was just following orders. (Allison doesn't look a bit sorry. In fact, she looks as if she's supremely enjoying herself.) Once I'd been doubled, I had to take her place (Cut to flashback. Francie is in her restaurant, back to the camera. She's talking on the phone.) Francie: We did, like, 80 dinners. We're like a huge success! (pause. She thinks she hears something turns around. There's nothing there. Calling out to the empty restaurant.) Hello? (Turns back around) Mom, I'm gonna have to put you on hold for just a second, okay? (Allison walks up behind Francie. Francie puts the call on hold and turns around, looking at Allison in complete shock. Allison points a gun at Francie's face.) Francie (shocked and frightened): What ? Allison: Move into the kitchen. (Francie backs up slowly as Allison inches forward. Francie can't believe what she's seeing.) Francie (in soft, shocked voice): You're me! Allison: I am now. (Francie backs through the kitchen door. Allison shoots her. Francie falls backward onto the wall and slides down, bullet hole in her forehead. Blood smears down the wall from the back of her head. Allison picks up the phone that Francie dropped and takes it off hold.) Allison: Mom, I'm gonna have to call you back. (End flashback.) Allison: I had nothing against her; she was just a casualty of circumstance. Don't blame yourself, Syd there was no way you have known. Just like when you recovered Rambaldi's journal, you had no idea it contained a formula. Sydney: What are you talking about? Allison: A formula for a medication that would ultimately be used to help heal my wounds. So yeah you almost killed me (cocks gun viciously) but you also saved my life. (Cut to close up of Allison's finger on the trigger as she starts to pull it. Sydney kicks the gun out of her hand as it discharges in another direction. Another girl fight ensues, much shorter than the last. It ends with both of them picking up their guns, but Sydney shoots first. Allison's body falls backward into the empty water fountain in the middle of the lobby. Cut to slow motion of Sydney breathing a sigh of relief as Vaughn comes running up behind her. He puts a hand on her arm, looks at her as if to assess if she's all right. Close up on Allison's prone body as a pair of hands unzips the top of her jacket and removes the device, then checks for a pulse.) Sydney (talking on a telephone): I shot her and we got the device. I know what you wanted but she had a pulse. (Cut to Dixon, reacting to this news.) Dixon: Where is she now? (Cut back to Sydney, holding the phone in one hand, an ice pack to the side of her head with the other.) Sydney: They've taken her to a hospital. Dixon (voiceover): Civilian ambulance? Sydney: Yeah with an armed guard. Why? (Cut to Dixon. He's not pleased.) Dixon: I'll call about having her extradited. I want an update on her condition as soon as you get it. (Cut to Sydney) Sydney: Okay. (Cut to Dixon) Dixon: Good work, Sydney. (Cut to Sydney) Sydney: Thank you. (Cut back to Dixon in his office, brooding.) Vaughn (speaking to an officer in a foreign language): What do you mean they never got there? Officer (in foreign language): The ambulance left twenty minutes ago, but the hospital is only ten minutes away. Vaughn (in foreign language): Did you try the radio? Officer (in foreign language): Of course. They don't answer. (Sydney approaches, saying something to the officer and he walks away.) Sydney (to Vaughn): The Rambaldi book; do you remember a formula for a medication? Vaughn: No. Sydney: (sighs) We've gotta find that ambulance. (Cut to a police van driving down a dark street. It's pouring. Cut to inside the van.) Sydney: Are you sure this is the route they would have taken? Vaughn: That's what he said. This is the only way to the hospital. Officer: Yes, there is no other. (Cut to view as they turn a corner. A vehicle is tipped over on its side. A body lays in the street. They get closer and stop. It's the ambulance. Vaughn and Sydney get out of the police van. Both Vaughn and Sydney are instantly drenched in the downpour. Vaughn bends to check for a pulse on the body in the street. Sydney walks over to check inside the ambulance. She looks inside the back of the van. The medic or guard inside appears dead. Allison is nowhere in sight. Vaughn approaches the back of the ambulance too, looking inside in disbelief.) Vaughn: What? This makes no sense! If Allison had backup, they would have been with her at the hotel! (Sydney looks around into the night and then says) Sydney: I don't think she needed backup. (Vaughn's face registers his shock.) Vaughn: What do you mean? Sydney: I think she did this herself. Vaughn: The medic said she barely had a pulse! Sydney (more certain now): I know! (pause) She did this, Vaughn. She did this. (Cut to Vaughn's uncertain face. He looks back into the ambulance again. Cut to Sydney's face. Cut to black. ALIAS. End of Act Five.)

Sydney's emotions are turned inside-out when she comes face-to-face with Allison, Francie's doppelgänger, who was presumed dead but is now a key figure in The Covenant. Meanwhile, Lauren's search for Andrian Lazarey's murderer leads her closer to discovering a connection to Sydney, and Sydney begrudgingly is assigned as Sloane's CIA handler.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_08x12

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_08x12_0

[INT. GRISSOM'S PLACE - KITCHEN -- DAY] (BLUR IN on a glassware pot on the stove.) Madeline Klein: (V.O.) Nobody knew he was coming, Conrad. Nobody knew his name. (Grissom is making soup.) Madeline Klein: (V.O.) Well, if you'd stop talking for a minute, you'd understand. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COURTHOUSE - JURY ROOM - DAY] (The large jury room is empty.) Madeline Klein: (V.O.) The investigation's been compromised. Lives are at risk. (CUT TO: A legal pad and file are placed on the conference table. Another set of paper and file is placed on the table.) (CUT TO: The jurors are sworn in. There's a board with crime scene photos up in the background.) Madeline Klein: (V.O.) How many people do the right thing anymore? Have a conscience? Don Cook didn't even know what he saw. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] (Don Cook sits at the interview table.) Madeline Klein: (V.O.) El Matocho doesn't kill for the thrill or because he was abused as a child. [EXT. NIGHT] (Emilio Alvarado walks away and under a lamppost. It's light enough to identify him. The large tattooed letters on the back of his head are easily identified: L-A-T.) Madeline Klein: (V.O.) He kills because it's his answer to everything. (He walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. NIGHT] (A car is on fire, burning from the inside.) Madeline Klein: (V.O.) I had him eyewitnessed. It was enough for an indictment. No indictment, no trial. He goes free and La Tijera gets stronger. So don't patronize me by saying this might be an accident. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. NIGHT] (Fire crew and other personnel are at the site, the car fire is out and smolders. It's covered with foam.) Madeline Klein: (V.O.) I'm not asking you for advice here, I'm telling you: I want Grissom. (A black car pulls off the side of the road. The door opens and Madeline Klein steps out of the car. She's on the phone continuing her conversation with Conrad Ecklie.) Madeline Klein: (to phone) Maybe the reception sucks out here. (She closes the car door and heads for the site.) Madeline Klein: (to phone) I said I want Grissom. Say I asked for him personally. (She hangs up.) (She walks over to the forensic techs standing near the site drinking coffee and waiting.) Madeline Klein: I don't want anyone touching anything. Thanks for all your help, guys. Tech: (o.s.) Yes, ma'am. (She turns and walks over to Brass.) Madeline Klein: Case is reassigned to Grissom. Brass: He's home sick, Maddy. Madeline Klein: Yeah, I heard all about it from Ecklie. Blah, blah, blah. The point that he and you seem to be missing is that I have 18 grand jurists sifting through evidence, trying to help me indict one of the deadliest gangs this city has ever ... Robbins: (shouts, interrupts) Who's in charge of the scene?! (Robbins, a coroner's assistant and David Phillips are with the body. David is examining the body.) (Brass points to Maddy.) Madeline Klein: I am. (mutters) For God's sake. (Maddy and Brass head for the body.) Madeline Klein: Madeleine Klein, Deputy DA. Robbins: Albert Robbins, Clark County Coroner. Brass: Talk to me, David. David Phillips: Confirms it's Don Cook. (David hands the wallet to Brass.) Madeline Klein: This is on us. Brass: What do you got, Doc? Robbins: Other than the obvious burns over the better part of his body, there's this. (David and the assistant roll the body to show the wound on the back.) Brass: He was shot. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GRISSOM'S PLACE - NIGHT] (Grissom is in the kitchen cooking soup. An aria plays over the sound system. Grissom coughs and it's obvious he's sick.) (Hank sits on the kitchen floor nearby.) (Grissom stirs the soup cooking on the stove. He tastes it with a wooden spoon. The phone rings.) (Grissom picks up his cell phone and looks at it.) 4:00 AM CALL FROM ECKLIE (Grissom turns the phone off.) (Hank makes a sympathetic bark. Grissom turns and looks at Hank. Hank looks back at him.) FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ROADWAY -- DAY] (Two police cars are parked at angles on the road and a strip of crime scene tape is tied between them to block the roadway. Catherine is doing a walk-through on the road as she talks to Grissom on the phone.) Catherine: (to phone) Let me run it down for you. Isolated stretch of Route 2, burned car on the shoulder, burned male victim out of the car 20 feet away. (She walks past Greg, who is busy with a clipboard. A scarf is wrapped around his neck. She continues toward Madeline Klein, who is standing near her car.) Catherine: (to phone) Single gunshot wound to the lower back. Passing motorist called it in. Fire department arrived within 12 minutes. Fire burned so hot, they had to use foam to put it out, which, of course, is never good for us. Madeline Klein: Where is he? (Maddy takes the phone from Catherine and walks as she talks. Catherine walks along with her.) Madeline Klein: (to phone) I've been waiting over an hour for you. What, are you walking here? (pauses) How many times have I gotten out of bed in the middle of the night for you, Gil? (pause) Yeah. Yeah, well, I'd like to phone it in, too. I left an AA meeting for this. That trumps walking pneumonia. (Maddy hands the phone back to Catherine.) Madeline Klein: Here you go, eyes-and-ears. (Maddy turns and leaves.) Catherine: We'll keep in touch. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. GRISSOM'S PLACE - DAY] (Grissom pours a packet of powder into his drink.) Catherine: (from phone) So the Deputy DA got out of bed for you? Whose bed? Grissom: (to phone) Talk to me about the road. Catherine: (from phone) All right. (Catherine is on the road. Warrick is there snapping photos.) Catherine: (to phone) The debris path starts approximately 100 yards from where the vehicle came to rest. (Warrick puts an evidence marker down on the road.) Grissom: (from phone) Show me what you see. (Catherine takes photos of the road around her and e-mails the photos to Grissom. She heads for the burned car.) [INT. GRISSOM'S PLACE -- DAY] (Grissom sits on the couch as he works on the laptop. Hank lies on the couch behind him.) (He opens the first e-mail photo and looks at it.) Gil.Grissom @ lvpd.csi.com Catherine Willows(a)lvpd.csi.com Case #080403 - 1916 GG Crime Scene Photos Date: 04/03/08 Time: 8:13 AM ) (Warrick notes Greg is wrapped with his scarf around his neck.) Warrick: What are you doing, a catalog shoot? Where's your matching hat with your pom-pom? Greg: Leave me alone. I have a cold. (looks at clipboard) So, based on the debris pattern, the victim was driving the car when the blaze started. Swerving all over the road. Probably because he was on fire. (Warrick and Greg look down the road.) START: VISUALIZATION (The victim's car zooms through the road. It is on fire as it swerves this way and that, tires screeching. It heads straight through Warrick.) (Greg turns and watches the car swerve off the side of the road and stop where the current burned car is.) END: VISUALIZATION (Greg looks at Warrick.) Greg: What do you think? Warrick: Sounds about right. (Catherine approaches the burned car and takes a photo of the back end.) (She moves in closer and notes a discarded shoe on the grass near the closed driver-side door. She hears a loud sneeze.) Catherine: Gesundheit. (Nick sniffles. He's in front of the car) Nick: Thanks. Boy, I hope I'm not getting sick. I'm not finding any pour patterns on the exterior. The hood and the front quarter panels are down to the primer and the front tires are burnt down to the rim. Think the fire probably started in the engine compartment. Catherine: New car engines don't catch fire, not by accident. Nick: Now we'll have to get it back to the lab for a closer look. Catherine: And guys on fire don't stop to close doors. (Catherine snaps a photo of the closed door.) Nick: No, no, I talked to the battalion chief about that. He said the driver's side was open when his boys showed up, and that the pressure from the hose probably closed it. Catherine: Probably? (mutters) Hosers. (Catherine looks at the back of the car.) Catherine: Nick, come here. (Nick joins her. She points to the back of the car.) Catherine: Um. Clear that off, would you? (Nick wipes the foam off the bumper to reveal a tag: L-A-T.) Nick: "L-A-T." That's La Tijera's tag. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GRISSOM'S PLACE - DAY] (Grissom is in his bathrobe as he goes to answer the front door. Maddy walks in carrying a file box.) Madeline Klein: Boy, you look like hell. I need sugar. You got a soda? (Grissom closes the door.) Grissom: Nice to see you, too, Maddy. (Maddy puts the file box down on the table. Grissom heads down the steps and toward the kitchen.) Madeline Klein: Six months' worth of investigation; two months working with the grand jury; five low-level indictments against the LATs. Why you? (mutters) 'Cause you're the only one who won't screw it up. Grissom: My team won't screw it up. Madeline Klein: Oh, right. Your team. Warrick Brown got mixed up with a crooked judge. Sanders ran down a civilian while on duty. Ms. Willows lied about being at a crime scene, among other things. (Maddy holds a disk and opens the file box.) Madeline Klein: And who can forget Stokes, your straight arrow? Suspected of killing his hooker girlfriend. (Grissom returns.) How does the song go? "You call me up, I get 'em out of it"? If it weren't for me, you'd have no team. Grissom: Are you done? (He opens the soda can and offers it to her.) Madeline Klein: Sorry. You have a ... ? (She holds up the disk. Grissom takes it from her and gives her the soda.) (Grissom goes to play the disk. Maddy sits down.) Madeline Klein: This was recorded two weeks ago. This guy had no idea that what he saw was the key to bringing down La Tijera and their leader, El Matocho. (Grissom picks up the remote and plays the disk as he settles on the couch. It's a video recording of Brass' interview with Don Cook date-stamped March 19, 2008, at 1:18 PM.) Don Cook: (from dvd) Okay, I know this is my third violation, but I was not speeding. I-I blew past that light because I had a fight with my wife. Brass: (from dvd) Listen, you're not here for a traffic violation, okay? Now, after you ran the red light, the street camera didn't pick you up at the next intersection. Where'd you go? Don Cook: (from dvd) Okay, look, I, I cannot have my license suspended. I have a vending machine business. Brass: (from dvd) You're not here for a traffic violation. Let's get that straight. Now, did you see anyone in particular? Do you remember that night? Don Cook: (from dvd) Yeah, yeah, no. Um, yeah, there was, there was a guy who walked past my car. Brass: (from dvd) Okay. Don Cook: (from dvd) I thought I was gonna get robbed on top of everything else. Brass: (from dvd) Can you identify him, hmm? Don Cook: (from dvd) Sure, yeah. He walked under a streetlight. I saw him. I saw him real clear. He, um ... He was Hispanic ... uh ... I don't know, bald, scary looking. (Maddy pauses the video and goes through the file folder.) Madeline Klein: "LAT" carved into the cheek of the victim is the signature of El Matocho, La Tijera's number one. (She hands Grissom a photo. On it is "LAT" carved on a man's cheek.) Madeline Klein: He killed gang leader, Little Gordo, but he was a ghost--no face, no name. INSERT: FLASHBACK [INT. CAR (PARKED) -- NIGHT] (Don Cook is in his car and parks. He looks out and sees Alvarado walking away.) Madeline Klein: (V.O.) Until Don Cook ID'd Emilio Alvarado coming out of Little Gordo's house around the time of the murder. RESUME SCENE. (Grissom looks at the photos.) Madeline Klein: Turns out Alvarado was caught up in a gang sweep day after the murder. Parole violation. He got 30 days. PD thought he was just another lowlife. Due to be released in 52 hours. Can't indict Alvarado with a dead witness. We need to prove conspiracy. Grissom: You need to prove that Alvarado ordered a hit on your witness. Madeline Klein: How long do you think it'll take you to bone up on these and put a suit on? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE - DAY] (Cody Cook, Don Cook's wife, takes out a cigarette and looks at Brass. She sits on the couch in Brass' office.) Cody Cook: Can I smoke in here? Brass: Uh, no. It's a ... it's a government building. (She toys with the unlit cigarette. Brass pulls up a chair and sits down.) Brass: I'm very sorry for your loss. So when was the last time you saw Don? Cody Cook: Last night. We go to my folks' house every Sunday. Brass: Mrs. Cook, did you know that your husband was going to testify before a grand jury? Cody Cook: We talked about it. I told him I didn't want him to do it. But he found out about this girl, what the gang did to her. Brass: Did he confide in anyone else? Cody Cook: He said it was a secret. Brass: Did you tell anyone? Cody Cook: No. Well ... sort of. I told my mom and dad and my best friend, Jenny. She's my hairdresser. I tell her everything. Brass: I'm gonna need their phone numbers. Cody Cook: Did I do something wrong? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (The victim's partially burned body is on the table as David stands above it taking photos. Robbins stands behind the body, working on it. Catherine walks in.) Catherine: Oh, hey, Dave, nice haircut. What gives? (David steps down from the stepladder.) David Phillips: Oh, Mrs. Phillips. An extreme makeover. Catherine: Mm. Oh, make sure you get those photos to Grissom. David Phillips: I'm all over it. (David leaves.) Robbins: Sign of a good marriage. Wife still wants to change him. So your vic's burns are concentrated on the face, hands, knees and feet. It's consistent with an engine fire. (Quick flashback to: Don Cook sits in the car behind the steering wheel when the dashboard in front of him catches fire. He puts his hand and arm up to deflect the fire, but it doesn't work.) (He screams.) (He grips the steering wheel and his hands catch on fire. He screams.) (End flashback.) (Robbins hands Catherine a small container with the bullet inside. She looks at it.) Catherine: Jacketed hollowpoint. One cannelure. Looks like a .38. Robbins: Yeah. Entered through the right renal artery. That's COD. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE - DAY] (Nick is working under the hood of the car. He pulls out some wires. On the floor at his feet is a mat with various parts removed from the car.) (Nick coughs. He gets back to work. He coughs again.) (Greg walks in.) Greg: Wow. I bet it reeks in here. (Nick looks at him and shakes his head.) Nick: I wouldn't know. Greg: Thank God for stuffy noses. Nick: Yeah. Greg: DA Klein asked Grissom, who asked Catherine, who told me to tell you that we need to figure out if the victim was shot before he got in the car, while he was in the car or after he got out. Nick: Okay ... uh ... there was no blood trail at the scene. Fire pretty much took care of that. And I doubt you're gonna find any trace of blood in that burnt-up driver seat. Greg: Wow, I've got to give her more than that. Nick: Be my guest. (Greg heads over to the car. He coughs and sneezes. Nick continues working under the hood.) (Greg looks at the front seat. Nick pulls out a piece inside the engine. He coughs.) (Greg examines the seat belt buckle.) Greg: Skin on a seat belt buckle. You know, if I got shot and I'm trying to get away, I'm not gonna take the time to put my seat belt on. Nick: Eliminates the first scenario. Greg: So either the shooter kidnaps him and shot him while he was driving ... Nick: I don't know. Greg, I think we would have found evidence of somebody else inside the vehicle. Greg: Which leaves us with the last scenario. (Quick flashback of: The car is burning. Don Cook is on fire and screaming as he staggers outside the car. Someone else is there holding a gun and fires. End flashback.) Nick: I think I just found my reason for getting out of bed this morning. (Nick pulls out a piece of burned cloth.) Nick: Check it out. The same guy that tampered with the car could have followed. Made sure the job was done. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COURTHOUSE - JURY ROOM - DAY] (Madeline Klein and Grissom break the news to the grand jury.) Marie Leahy (juror): Who killed him? Juror 1 (woman): Do you have evidence that the witness was murdered? Random Juror (man): How did they kill him? Madeline Klein: One at a time, Miss Leahy. Marie Leahy (juror): Do you know who killed him? Grissom: We don't know yet. Our investigation is still ongoing. Juror 2 (man): What was the guy gonna tell us? Madeline Klein: Until Dr. Grissom can corroborate Mr. Cook's testimony, I can't tell you the content. Tim O'Shea (juror): Mr. O'Shea. We've been locked up in here ten hours a day, two months, all cloak-and-dagger. La Tijera doesn't know we're investigating them, so they couldn't know about the witness. Grissom: Well, we found their signature at the crime scene. So it's possible they do know. Tim O'Shea: If they got to this witness, could they get to us? I have a family. Random Juror (man): (o.s.) So do I. Marie Leahy: I want to know how the gang found out about Don Cook. Tim O'Shea: Me, too. Or else I want off this jury. (Grissom and Maddy exchange looks.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GRISSOM'S PLACE] (Grissom opens the door and finds Brass in the hallway holding some files.) Brass: Hi. I ... uh ... brought some more files on the case. (Grissom looks at Brass.) Brass: Got any coffee? Grissom: I got lots of tea. Brass: Good. (Brass walks in. Grissom closes the door. Brass heads inside.) Brass: You know, when we first asked Cook to testify he said no, and ... uh ... but ... you know, I couldn't let it go. (They stop at the counter where Grissom prepares the cup of tea as he listens.) Brass: So I called him up about a week later and ... uh ... took him to lunch and I showed him a picture of ... uh ... of a girl that they had killed, you know. She was 16, innocent, beautiful. She was raped, shot, and urinated on. And when that didn't kill her, they slit her throat. So I had him on the hook. When I told him that ... uh ... you know, if he testified, I'd protect him and his family if the case ever came to trial. On Friday, he called Maddy, said he changed his mind, he'd testify. And on Sunday ... he was dead. I couldn't protect him. (Grissom hands him the cup of tea.) Brass: Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY] (Nick is still working on the car. He picks up a heavy tray of car parts and groans. He coughs as he carries the tray to the counter. He drops the tray on the counter and quickly covers his mouth to cough. He looks at his gloved hands.) Nick: Oh. (He removes his gloves, tosses them aside and grabs the glove box only to find it empty.) (Warrick walks in.) Warrick: Hey, buddy. Nick: (turns around) Hey. Warrick: Oh, man, you look beat up. Nick: I feel beat up. Warrick: Why don't you ... uh ... take a break. I got this. Nick: No, no, I'm cool. I can push through it. Warrick: Yeah. (Warrick chuckles.) Warrick: You're ... uh ... breaking the lab's budget for rubber gloves here, dawg. Listen, get some rest, man. You'd do the same for me. Nick: Yeah, okay. I processed the driver's side. I was about to get to the passenger's side glove box. (heads out) I owe you one, man. Warrick: Yeah, you do. (Nick sneezes as he leaves.) Warrick: Ooh. (Warrick opens the passenger side door and gets to work. He picks up a crowbar and pries the burned glove compartment open. He sticks his hand inside and pulls out the bottom of the compartment.) (Warrick is at the worktable and chisels away at the melted hard plastic. He finds a revolver.) (Warrick cleans the base of the revolver and finds the registration number: CC89048Z.) (He runs the number through the ATF database: FIREARM SERIAL NO: CC8 9048Z MAKE: SMITH & WESSON MODEL: MODEL 36 CALIBER: .38 SPECIAL (.38+P) (He finds a match: NAME: RICHARD P. O'MALLEY ADDRESS: 26887 ROUTE 2, NORTH LAS VEGAS FIREARM SERIAL NO: CC8 9048Z MAKE: SMITH & WESSON [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ROAD / O'MALLEY RESIDENCE - DAY] (Brass' car turns into the O'Malley driveway. He parks.) (Brass gets out of the car and heads for the front door.) Cue Sound: (PRE-LAP) DOOR KNOCKING [EXT. O'MALLEY RESIDENCE - DAY] (Richard O'Malley opens the door.) Brass: Mr. O'Malley? Detective Jim Brass. Can I talk to you again? Richard O'Malley: Sure. Brass: Ballistics has confirmed that your son-in-law was killed with your gun. Richard O'Malley: Wait a minute. You told me this morning he died in a car fire. Brass: I know what I told you, but why didn't you tell me about the gun? (Mrs. O'Malley walks past carrying a laundry basket. She pauses to listen.) Brass: How did it end up in his car? Richard O'Malley: (to his wife) Go inside. (She walks away.) (to Brass) I gave it to him. Brass: Why? Richard O'Malley: Because he asked me for it. (Quick flashback to: Richard O'Malley shows the gun to Don Cook.) Richard O'Malley: All right, look, it's got five rounds in it. There's no safety on it. (He gives the gun to Don.) Don Cook: So all I got to do is just point it and shoot it? Richard O'Malley: Yeah. Now look, if you think you're being followed, don't be a hero. Call the police. (End flashback. Resume.) Richard O'Malley: Hey, look, I begged Donnie not to testify. He and Cody had everything to lose. They were doing great with their vending machines. No grandkids yet, but that's probably 'cause their marriage was shaky already. Cody has her mother's temper. She loved him, though. We all did. Brass: Look, as long as I'm out here, do you mind if I look around? Richard O'Malley: My wife and daughter are pretty upset. I don't want you guys in here bothering them anymore. [SCENE_BREAK] VARIOUS CUTS: (A CSI puts filler in a bullet casing and puts it in a Smith and Wesson.) (He places the revolver on the heating surface and turns it on.) (The temperature rises.) (The gun on the surface smokes.) (The temperature continues to rise.) (It reaches 400 degrees. The gun fires.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE] (Greg places the gun in the glove compartment of a similar type car. He places a dummy on the driver's seat. A trajectory rod sticks out of the dummy's back. Greg has to turn the dummy toward the door to get it to line up with the gun in the glove compartment.) Grissom: (V.O.) CSI Sanders confirmed that the trajectory of the gun lined up with the victim's body as he tried to exit the vehicle. (Quick flash to: The car is on fire. FOCUS on the glove compartment.) (Inside the glove compartment, the gun is heating up.) (CGI POV of: The bullet inside the gun is heating up.) Grissom: (V.O.) The engine fire would have reached approximately 400 degrees within two minutes. (SLOW MOTION: The bullet fires out of the muzzle, out of the glove compartment and hits Don Cook's back.) Grissom: (V.O.) Enough heat was transmitted to the glove box to cause the gun inside to discharge. (End flashback.) [INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY] (Grissom explains what happened to Maddy and the judge.) Grissom: Witness was killed by his own gun. Judge: Do you know who set the fire? Grissom: No, Your Honor, not yet. Madeline Klein: CSI found La Tijera's tag painted on the car's rear bumper. Judge: You can't charge the entire gang, counsel. Madeline Klein: Alvarado's set to be released in just over 24 hours. If he gets out ... we lose him forever. Grissom: We need a warrant to search his apartment. Judge: I can't give you a warrant just because she doesn't want him to get out of jail. Where's your probable cause? Madeline Klein: You saw the video. Cook placed Alvarado at the house at the time of the murder. Judge: Mere presence. Counsel, I got to get back to my trial. Grissom: Your Honor, Alvarado is an admitted member of La Tijera. Their initials were carved into the cheek of the murder victim in the house that Alvarado was seen exiting. We need the clothes that Alvarado was wearing that night. Madeline Klein: Hopefully, he didn't have time to do his laundry. Judge: The grand jurors are on board with this? Madeline Klein: They will be, Your Honor. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CAR (TRAVELING) - DAY] (Warrick is driving through the neighborhood - young men hanging out on the side of the roads, graffiti on the walls.) [EXT. ALVARADO'S APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY] (He stops his car in front of Alvarado's apartment building. He grabs a kit and gets out.) Warrick: Hey, Griss. Restocked your case. You were low on batteries and pheno. (Grissom takes his kit.) Grissom: Thank you. Warrick: You're welcome. (They head for the building.) Warrick: (reading file) Apartment 5967. Alvarado's crib. Hey, Grissom, I got tickets to the Rebels tomorrow night. If you're feeling any better and you want to check it out. Grissom: I'll be in bed. (They head up the stairs to the second floor.) BOOM! (The apartments above explode, knocking Warrick off the stairs and Grissom backward.) (Grissom and Warrick exchange looks.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ALVARADO'S APARTMENT -- DAY] (The inside is burned and the firefighters leave. Warrick and Grissom are looking around.) Grissom: You feeling okay? Warrick: Yeah. My ears are still ringing, though. This place reeks of sulfur. (Warrick finds something and snaps a photo.) Warrick: I found about ten of these butane cans so far. Any evidence that's here is gone. (He takes more photos. Grissom looks at the walls.) Grissom: Yeah, well, there's burn patterns all over these walls. They must have splashed butane all over everything. (Quick flash to: Someone sprays the walls. End flash.) Grissom: And butane dissipates quick. Warrick: The other guy was probably watching us the whole time. Grissom: There's nails all over the place. Warrick: Grissom, I think I found the point of origin. Grissom: Green plastic. Sugar, butane, and nails. Add some egg whites in a soda bottle. You got a MacGyver bomb. Crude, but it works. Warrick: I think they were looking to do more than just destroy evidence. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD WALL - DAY] (Officer Mitchell and other officers have gang members lined up with their hands against the walls. The items in their pockets are on the ground behind them. Grissom and Warrick walk over to them.) Warrick: You running for warrants, Mitch? Officer Mitchell: Yeah. Warrick: Impound their cars. Officer Mitchell: You got it. (Warrick and Grissom look at the gang members. Grissom smells the back of one of the men. He goes to the next gang member, looks at the contents on the ground and smells him.) (He moves to the next gang member, looks at the contents on the ground, which includes a lighter and some cigarettes. He smells him.) Grissom: Mitch, I want to see this guy's hands. Donny Gomez: You ain't a cop, fool. Warrick: He's bigger than a cop. Show him your hands, princess. Donny Gomez: They're clean. Want to lick 'em and find out? (Warrick grabs Gomez by his arm, twists it back and looks at his hand.) Warrick: You think this is a game? Huh? This one's clean. (He looks at his other hand.) Warrick: What about this one? Clean. Grissom: Turn his pockets. (Officer Mitchell looks at Gomez's pockets. Sugar falls out.) Officer Mitchell: Sugar. Warrick: What's this? You been baking cookies? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PD - OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY] (Madeline Klein watches as Brass interviews Donny Gomez.) Brass: So, who gave you the order to torch that apartment? Donny Gomez: I don't know what you're talkin' about. [INT. PD - INTERVIEW ROOM] Brass: And why that apartment? Who do you know lives there? Donny Gomez: Nobody. I got a mental illness. I'm a firebug. I'm loco. (Maddy walks out of the room.) Brass: You're loco? Donny Gomez: Who knows? (The door opens and Maddy walks in.) Donny Gomez: Maybe I'll set the lawyer lady's house on fire. Madeline Klein: Hey, little man with the big mouth. It doesn't matter what you say, 'cause all your boys are going to hear is that you rolled on Alvarado. (Gomez surges to his feet. His hands are cuffed behind his back. The officer grabs his shoulders. Brass stands up as well.) Brass: Sit down. Madeline Klein: Just bought yourself another ten years. I'm going to hand-pick your cell mate. (Maddy leaves.) [EXT. PD - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS] (Brass and Maddy exit the room and start down the hallway.) Brass: Well, that didn't help. Madeline Klein: That kid wouldn't roll if I gave him a night with Jessica Alba. Brass: You're really good at making enemies, Maddy. Madeline Klein: That's why I'm unlisted, divorced and carry a gun. Brass: Did you take Cook back to Little Gordo's house? You know, maybe to verify his story? Madeline Klein: Yeah, I always take my secret witnesses on a bus tour of the "hood." Brass: You know, when Don Cook first refused to testify that he saw Alvarado come out of Little Gordo's house, you know what I did? I took him to an out-of-town diner and bought him a cup of coffee. What'd you do? Madeline Klein: I went to Little Gordo's. (Brass nods. Maddy gets it.) Madeline Klein: Damn it. Good job, Maddy. They saw me. I can't even blame it on the booze. All they had to do was trail me back to the courthouse and watch me go into the security entrance with 18 escorted jurors. That's how they knew grand jury. Damn it! (She sighs. Brass is quiet.) Madeline Klein: This is where you're supposed to say, "It's okay. It could happen to anyone. It's not your fault Don Cook is dead." (He looks at her.) Madeline Klein: Like hell it isn't. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Nick turns the corner and coughs.) Hodges: (shouts) Hey, Nick! (Hodges is in the lab. He heads out and is holding a report.) Hodges: You've got an artful tagger. Nick: What? (Hodges exits to the hallway to join Nick.) Hodges: Don Cook's car bumper. Gangbanger blended his green with another color. Not visible to the human eye. Of course, I caught it. Nick: You mean the GCMS caught it? Hodges: Well, if that's a hair you want to split. Suspect used green paint with a hint of cerulean blue. Probably for impact. (Nick coughs. Hodges turns his head away. Nick clears his throat as he leaves.) Hodges: You know, in China people wear masks when they're sick. It's considered impolite to infect your coworkers. Nick: (over his shoulder) Maybe you should go work in China. Hodges: Maybe you should wear a mask. (Hodges heads back to the lab.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JAIL - DAY] (Warrick is at the entrance desk collecting a box of Alvarado's things from the guard.) Warrick: Now, this is everything Alvarado had and was wearing when they arrested him? (The guard hands him the box over the counter.) Warrick: Thank you. (The door buzzes. The guard lets Warrick through.) VARIOUS SHOTS (Warrick is in a room. He pulls out a COLLARED SHIRT from the package. It's still new, creased and has the sticker size on the front. He removes a pair of shoes and puts it on the table.) (He turns on his portable ALS and sweeps it across the clothing. He checks the soles of the shoes, which appear to be incredibly clean. He smells it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JAIL - ISOLATION HALLWAY - DAY] (Warrick and SPECIAL GUARD RON PEN walk down the hallway toward Emilio Alvarado's cell.) Guard Ron Pen: He's been in isolation for two weeks. I could tell you everything he's got in his cell. They assigned me special. Warrick: Does he get any yard time? Guard Ron Pen: Nope. I take him for hall walks. Not allowed any contact with anybody but me. Why do you need to see him? Warrick: Just want to rattle his cage a bit. That cool with you? Guard Ron Pen: Good luck. (They arrive at the cell where Emilio Alvarado is sitting on his bed and reading a book.) Guard Ron Pen: Hey, Alvarado, get up. (shouts) Cell check! (Alvarado's cell door opens. Alvarado looks at Warrick. He gets up and steps out of his cell.) Voice: (over pa) Cell block 3 is now in lockdown. Cell block 3, now in lockdown. (Warrick pulls the sheets off the bed and snaps a photo. He continues to look through Alvarado's things. He snaps more photos.) (Warrick picks up the book Alvarado was reading and he flips through it. He puts it down.) Warrick: So, you always clean your boots with bleach, El Matocho? (Alvarado laughs.) Warrick: Something funny? Emilio Alvarado: Matocho. Nonsense word. You know where this name comes from? There's a legend in Central America. This man, he woke up in a bad mood. Killed eight members of his family with a machete and then went and had breakfast. Matar. To kill. Ocho. Eight. "To kill eight." El Matocho. (Alvarado laughs at his own cleverness. Warrick doesn't find it funny at all.) Warrick: That's great. The way I see it, you're going to have lots of time to tell all kinds of great stories. (Warrick turns and leaves. Emilio Alvarado: Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. (The guard lets Alvarado back into his cell.) (The cell door closes.) Greg: (PRE-LAP) (V.O.) Alvarado is a suspect in three cases. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM - DAY] (Grissom, Nick and Greg go over the case. Greg indicates a photo with "L-A-T" carved in the victim's cheek.) Greg: First, he allegedly kills Little Gordo. (Greg puts a photo of Don Cool down on the table.) Greg: Then, the only witness who could identify him is killed. And last, but certainly not least, he allegedly orders Raphael Gomez to blow up his apartment. Nick: La Tijera is responsible for all three crimes. Tags at both scenes, and Gomez is an admitted member of the gang. According to Hodges, the tagger didn't use spray paint. He used an oil-based specialty paint. Greg: Well, that doesn't make any sense. Grissom: You got photos? (Nick turns to get the photos. Grissom barely has time to take out his tissue when he coughs. Nick waits for Grissom to finish coughing.) Nick: Here you go. (Nick hands the photo to Grissom. Grissom examines the letters under a magnifying glass. It looks perfect. Too perfect.) Grissom: This "L" looks like it was stenciled. (Grissom uses a ruler and a magnifying glass to look at the photo.) Grissom: Then, it looks like the tagger painted over it a second time, to make it look freehand. Nick: What? (Nick takes the magnifying glass and looks at the photo.) Nick: Yeah, those ... uh ... those do look like brush strokes. Greg: Well, gangs don't use paintbrushes. Nick: I assumed the tags were authentic. We've been looking in the wrong direction. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. O'MALLEY RESIDENCE - DAY] (Brass and Nick are back at the O'Malley residence.) Richard O'Malley: (shouts) Cody, come on out here. (to Brass) So, you think this gang messed with Don's car while we were having dinner? Brass: That's what we're here to find out. (Cody exits the house and joins them.) Richard O'Malley: Cody, Mr. Brass wants to talk to you. Brass: Hi, Cody. Nick: Where was your son-in-law's car parked that night? Richard O'Malley: (nods) Right over there. (Nick heads over while Brass continues talking with Cody.) Brass: Okay, tell me again about the day that Don died.) (Nick finds a line of newly painted birdhouses lined up on the low concrete wall.) Nick: Those are nice. Did you make those? Richard O'Malley: Yeah, a hobby of mine after I lost my job. Forced retirement. You know how it goes. Want to buy one? (Nick chuckles. He looks at the open garage.) Nick: You keep the garage door closed when you're not working? Richard O'Malley: Well, it's not like we have any neighbors. Nick: Anything ever gone missing? (Nick looks around inside the garage. He notices a crate of things.) Richard O'Malley: Sure, Cody's taking stuff all the time. She'd rather spend her money on clothes. Kids. Nick: Mind if I take this crate? Richard O'Malley: What for? Nick: Fingerprints. (Nick picks up the crate and takes it out of the garage.) Richard O'Malley: Well, you're going to find mine all over. Nick: That's why I'm going to get yours, too, sir. So I can exclude you. Follow me. (Nick leads Richard O'Malley to the car. They walk past Brass, who is still talking with Cody Cook.) Brass: Now hold on. Help me out here. Cody Cook: I already told you why I wasn't in that car. My husband and I were arguing. He was yelling at me. (Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] Cody and Don are arguing outside the house. Her parents are there watching.) Cody Cook: Okay, I'm having a hard time keeping it straight. You do like my dress? You don't like my dress? Don Cook: Can we please just not talk about this now? Cody Cook: When should we talk about it? Don Cook: Cody, get in the car. Cody Cook: No, I'm not going to get in the car. Don Cook: Listen. I loved the dress till I found out it cost 300 bucks. Cody Cook: Oh, three hun-- Don Cook: You have a closet full of dresses ... get in the car. Cody Cook: No. Not until you apologize. Apologize to my parents! Don Cook: I'm not apologizing. (Don gets into the car and drives away, leaving Cody behind.) Cody: (V.O.) I told him not to call me until the court thing was over. I needed to cool off. (Cody heads back into the house.) (End flashback.) Cody Cook: My dad says I was lucky. Nick: Ma'am, I'm going to need to get your fingerprints, too. Cody Cook: I don't like where this is going. Brass: It's going downtown. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] CU: CODY COOK'S FINGERPRINT CARD [INT. CSI - LAB] (Nick scans the fingerprint card into the system.) (He scans RICHARD O'MALLEY'S fingerprint card into the system.) (CUT TO: Nick grabs the stencils out of the crate and looks through them. He finds a stencil for an "L". There's green paint on the stencil.) (He finds a paint brush with a similar color washed out of the tip.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PD - INTERVIEW ROOM A] (Brass interviews Cody Cook.) Brass: So you killed him. And made it look like a gang did it. And then you could buy all the expensive dresses you want. Cody Cook: I loved my husband. I didn't kill him, okay? You don't know me. You don't know my life. [INT. CSI - LAB] (Nick snips a sample off the paint brush.) (He dusts the paint brush handle.) (He tape lifts a print off the paint brush handle and looks at it.) [INT. PD - INTERVIEW ROOM] (Richard O'Malley is in handcuffs. Brass and Nick are in the room with him.) Nick: I found your fingerprints on a stencil. It was the one with green paint all over it. And the paint from one of your paintbrushes is a match to the car. (Richard O'Malley is quiet.) Nick: Your daughter said you disappeared into the garage right after dinner. That's when you stuck the rag in the engine between the catalytic converter and the heat shield. (Richard O'Malley still doesn't respond.) Nick: I think we all know what that did. Hmm? Brass: Hey, you don't want to say anything, fine. Write him up. Process him. (The guard escorts Richard O'Malley to the door. Through the glass, Cody Cook stands out in the hallway watching. They leave.) (Nick and Brass head out the other door.) Nick: You think the daughter had anything to do with it? Brass: No. Cody Cook: (shouts, o.s.) How could you?! Richard O'Malley: (o.s.) How could I what? (Brass and Nick step out into the hallway.) Brass: (to Nick) Cook was her meal ticket. Cody Cook: (shouts, o.s.) You son of a bitch! You were gonna kill your own daughter?! Richard O'Malley: (o.s.) No, I did this for you! (Brass rolls his eyes and heads down the hallway and turns the corner.) Cody Cook: (shouts, o.s.) Over money so you could get our business?! (Brass and Nick turn the corner to find two officers holding Cody and Richard apart.) Richard O'Malley: I would never let you get in that car! Cody Cook: Well, you didn't try to stop me! You just stood there! Richard O'Malley: How many Sundays did you come over and bitch to your mother about that selfish, ungrateful b*st*rd?! Cody Cook: Don wanted to give you the money; I said no! And all those nights Mom and I stayed up talking -- it was about you! Richard O'Malley: You owed me! Cody Cook: I hate you! Richard O'Malley: I did you a favor! Cody Cook: Go to hell! (The guard leads Richard away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE] (Grissom is working behind his desk. Catherine knocks on the door. Grissom looks up and she enters.) Catherine: Never thought I'd be disappointed that we solved a case. Grissom: Hmm. (She looks at the files he's working on.) Catherine: Court personnel files? Grissom: Reading upside down is a talent. Catherine: What are you looking for? Grissom: The leak. Ninety minutes after the warrant was issued, Alvarado's apartment went up. Catherine: So you're looking at the judge, his staff, the clerk that issued the warrant, court reporter, any cops who knew ... Grissom: Yeah, but according to this, everybody cleared. The only ones left are the grand jurors ... and Maddy Klein. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- HALLWAY] (Catherine and Archie head through the hallway toward the A/V lab.) Catherine: Thanks for coming in, Archie, I appreciate it. Archie: Ah. No worries. Wasn't sleeping anyway. (They enter -- [INT. CSI - A/V LAB] (Archie grabs his lab coat and puts it on.) Archie: Big surf movie marathon on cable right now. Yeah, Big Wednesday, Endless Summer, Local Boys. Catherine: Dude. Archie: Yeah. Catherine: So we need to review some phone records, and fast. (She shows him the warrant with the list of names: TIMOTHY O'SHEA 702-555-0124 MARIE PEAHY 702-555-0107 CARTER HAYSON 702-555-0189 MAX LINUS 702-555-0197 DRAKE POMAN 702-555-0155 GEORGE VATCHKO 702-555-0188 ARLEN TAMMERLANE 702-555-0175 DARBY VANCE 702-555-0137 COLE ZAMPAS 702-555-0145 LOIS MANSTERS 702-555-0169 GLORIA STEEPS 702-555-0126 MARIA COLT 702-555-0171 BEVERLY SWANTON 702-555-0121 JESSICA VARGE 702-555-0119 CAREY WILKERSON 702-555-0116 TATIANA HOSS 702-555-0122 MONICA CARR 702-555-0103 Archie: Okay. It's going to be tough to go fast with that many names. Catherine: Oh, no. I can narrow it down. It's a 90-minute window, yesterday, at 12:00 noon to 1:30. Just cell phone calls. Archie: Okay. Give me a name and a number. Catherine: Timothy O'Shea. 702-555-0124 (Archie runs the search through the PHONE RECORDS DATABASE.) (The computer beeps and the results appear.) Archie: He called two numbers. Catherine: Do a reverse lookup. Archie: Looks like he called his wife and his home line. Next. Catherine: Cole Zampas ... 702-555-0145 VARIOUS COMPUTER SCREEN OVERLAYS with CATHERINE'S VOICEOVERS ("JESSICA VARGE" is typed into the search.) Catherine: (V.O.) Jessica Varge ... ("DARBY VANCE" is typed into the search.) Catherine: (V.O.) Darby Vance, 555-0137. ("MARIE LEAHY" is entered into the search.) Catherine: (V.O.) Marie Leahy. (The computer beeps.) Archie: Okay. Huh. "No user information". It usually means disposable cell phone. Catherine: Has she called the number before, within the last two weeks? Archie: Monday through Friday, both weeks, she called a different disposable cell phone. That's weird. Catherine: Okay. Try the text messages. Archie: Yeah. (The computer beeps. Archie pulls up the text messages.) Archie: See the pattern? Catherine: Every night around 11:00 p.m., someone texts her a number, which she then calls the next day. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GRAND JURY ROOM -- NIGHT] (Grissom and Maddy Klein talk with Marie Leahy.) Grissom: How did they contact you, Miss Leahy? Marie Leahy: Uh ... a few weeks ago, at a gas station near my house, this ... uh ... this woman comes up to me and ... uh ... she knows everything about Peter. That's my ... uh ... little brother in Chicago. He's only 19. Got ten years for something he didn't do. And she said they'd get him out. And they did. Guy just confessed and my brother's set to go free. (crying) Did that witness die because of me? Grissom: Can you give us a description of the woman? (Marie shakes her head.) Marie Leahy: She was white ... uh ... short brown hair ... I'm sorry. I only seen her once. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM - MORNING] (Warrick joins Nick in the layout room. Photos and other file material are spread out on the table.) Warrick: Alvarado gets out in the morning. Nick: It is the morning. Warrick: Exactly. (Nick sighs.) Nick: You know, none of these people make a move without a direct order from Alvarado, especially not torching his own place. Warrick: What are you saying? Nick: Well, think about it. When Marie leaked the warrant information, it had to have gone in and out through him somehow. He's the boss. Warrick: I don't see how; the guy's in complete isolation. They even assigned him a special hand-picked guard. Look. (Warrick puts photos of Alvarado's cell in front of Nick.) Warrick: There's no privileges in isolation. Nick: Things still move in and out of his cell: laundry, food. Warrick: The only thing I saw from the outside was a book. They say he's a big reader. But I looked it over; there's nothing. Nick: What about all the other books he's been reading? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JAIL - LIBRARY - MORNING] (Grissom puts on his gloves as he looks at the library bookshelves. Alvarado's guard, Ron Pen, stands nearby and watches.) Grissom: How does Alvarado get his books? Ron Pen: It's like a regular library. When a book's checked out, a trustee writes down the inmate's name, booking number and date. Gets checked back in the same way. Grissom: I need to see every book that Alvarado checked out. (Ron Pen opens the log and reads the book titles.) Ron Pen: What Is the What?, The Infinite Plan, and Herzog. Oh ... and The Inferno. Grissom: (looking at shelf) Alphabetical by author? Ron Pen: Mm-hmm. (Grissom goes to the shelves on the side of the room.) Grissom: David Eggers. (He finds the book What is the What and flips through it.) Grissom: There's pages missing. (Grissom looks around for the next book.) Grissom: Allende. (He finds The Infinite Plan. He flips through it and finds pages ripped out.) Grissom: How many books has he read in the last 48 hours? Ron Pen: Two. (reaches for a book on the shelf) He said he didn't like this one; returned it yesterday afternoon. (He hands Herzog to Grissom. Grissom flips through it and finds pages ripped out. He thinks about it.) Grissom: Where's The Inferno? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JAIL - ALVARADO'S CELL] (Alvarado's cell door opens and he steps out of the cell. Grissom and Ron Pen arrive just as the Discharge Guard is escorting Alvarado out.) Ron Pen: Hold up a minute. Discharge Guard: Orders to process him out. Grissom: Just hold him. (The Discharge Guard turns Alvarado toward the cell door.) (Grissom walks up to the open cell door, reaches inside and picks up a copy of The Divine Comedy.) Grissom: This is a good book, Mr. Alvarado. Which Circle of Hell would you be in? Emilio Alvarado: The Seventh, the outer one. Grissom: Those who commit violence against others. (Alvarado smiles at Grissom.) Emilio Alvarado: Souls plunge into a river of boiling blood. (The guard turns Alvarado back toward the wall. Grissom flips through the book and stops on a crinkled page. He smells it.) Grissom: (to Rob Pen) Officer, do you have a lighter? No pen, no paper ... so you used what you had, huh? (Quick flashback to: Alvarado is in his cell and puts a cup on his bunker. He opens the book to a random page and writes with a swab.) Grissom: (V.O.) A book for paper, and for ink, urine. (End flashback.) (Grissom uses the lighter and heats up the back of the page.) Grissom: Once the urine dries, the writing becomes invisible ... until it's heated, making the acid in the urine turn brown. (Writing appears on the page.) Grissom: Then you..uh..put the book back in the library, another prisoner checks it out, tears out the page, gives it to a visitor, and you get your message out. Yes? Rob Pen: Put him back in his house. (The Discharge Guard turns Alvarado back toward the cell. Alvarado looks at Grissom.) Emilio Alvarado: Mira, usted se va a morir. (The cell door closes on Alvarado, back in his cell.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. GRAND JURY ROOM] (The book is now in an evidence bag and is open to the message: CARVE MK FOR ME SEND A PHOTO ) (Madeline Klein sits back, looks at Grissom and sighs.) Madeline Klein: Well, I was right about Alvarado: he was leaving Vegas. Otherwise, he would have killed me himself. Grissom: You okay? Madeline Klein: Yeah. Guess now, I owe you one, huh? Grissom: I don't keep score, Madeleine. Madeline Klein: You know what, Gilbert? You're the only man I know who's never let me down. Which means that you're either a classic enabler or my soul mate. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GRISSOM'S PLACE - DAY] (The front door opens and Grissom returns with Hank on a leash. He closes the door and puts his keys down on the table nearby. He unleashes Hank and goes to sit on the couch.) (It's quiet. Grissom sighs and puts his head down in his hand.) (His phone rings. Grissom drops the leash on the table and picks up his cell. He looks at the number.) (He lies back on the couch and answers the phone.) Grissom: Hi. (He chuckles.)

Grissom and his team return to duty after long and bad bouts of the cold. DA Maddie Klien calls on Grissom to be an expert witness for a grand jury investigating La Tijera ("The Scissor"), a very dangerous Las Vegas gang. The gang appears to be terrorizing and murdering witnesses who could land them in jail. Grissom is reluctant, but Maddie insists he is the only one for the job.

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_05x02

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_05x02_0

Scene: The apartment. Leonard is laying out wine and napkins in front of his laptop. Sheldon: What are you doing? Leonard: Oh, uh, Priya's calling in a few minutes on Skype, and we are gonna have a dinner date. Sheldon: It's eight o'clock in the morning in Mumbai. How can she have dinner? Leonard: Fine, whatever. Priya will be having breakfast. Sheldon: All right, so technically it's not a dinner date. I suppose you could call it a, uh, dinfast date. But if you did, you'd open yourself to peer-based mocking, such as, Hey, Leonard, how was your dinfast with Priya last night? Leonard: That doesn't sound like mocking. Sheldon: You didn't let me finish. Dinfast (rolls eyes). Are those soy-based candles? Leonard: I don't know. Why? Sheldon: Paraffin candles may contain carcinogens. Unless lung cancer is the ambiance you were going for at your dinfast. Dinfast (rolls eyes). Leonard: Listen, I don't want to be rude, but Priya's gonna be calling any minute, so... Sheldon: Oh, yes, Priya. Leonard, you know I make a point of never interfering in your personal affairs. Leonard: Yes, I've always admired that about you. Sheldon: As well you should. But I'm going to make an exception here. Leonard: Oh, good. Sheldon: Priya has moved back to India to pursue her law career. Instead of desperately trying to keep this intercontinental relationship alive, you could use that time to take up a hobby. Leonard: A hobby? Sheldon: Yes. I read recently about a fellow in Kansas with an enormous ball of twine. I bet you could give him a run for his money. Leonard: You know, some people might say that it's great that we're trying to make things work long distance. They'd say things like, love is stronger than the miles between you. Sheldon: When I rise to power, those people will be sterilized. Leonard: You video-chat with Amy all the time. How is this different? Sheldon: Don't you like Amy? Leonard: Of course I like Amy. Sheldon: Well, there's the difference. (Skype tone rings) Leonard: Excuse me, that's Priya. Priya (on screen): Hi, Leonard. Leonard: Hey, honey. Priya: I miss you. Leonard: Oh, I miss you, too. Sheldon: I miss the old days when your romantic partners could be returned to the video store. Scene: Penny's apartment. Sheldon: Thanks for letting me stay here while Leonard Skypes with his girlfriend. Penny: Oh, it's no problem. It's actually kind of nice. You reading, me reading. We're like an old married couple. Sheldon: If we were an old married couple, the wife would serve iced tea and snickerdoodles. Penny: I don't have iced tea and snickerdoodles. Sheldon: A good wife would go to the store. Penny: I want a divorce. Sheldon: Good. On the way to see the lawyer, pick up some tea and cookies. I must say, I am enjoying your new chair. Penny: It's great, isn't it? Sheldon: It is. Aligns the lumbar, cradles the coccyx, balances the buttocks. This is a chair worthy of the name. Penny: What name? Sheldon: Chair. Penny: Oh, all right, well, I'm glad you like it. I mean, I still can't get over the fact someone just threw it away. Sheldon: What? Penny: Yeah, it was just sitting on the street. I paid a homeless guy ten bucks to help me get it up here. Sheldon (jumps up): Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. (Starts stripping off clothing) Penny: What is wrong? Sheldon: I've been sitting in garbage! Penny: Sheldon, take it easy. Sheldon: You take it easy! I need to use your shower. Penny: I went into this marriage with so much hope. Sheldon: There's a wet Band-Aid on the shower floor. (Runs out of apartment). Credits sequence. Scene: Howard's workshop. Raj: This is fun. I've never used a hydraulic thermoforming press before. Howard: Pretty sweet, huh? This little baby set the university back 175 grand. Leonard: That's three minutes. Should we see what we got? Howard: Hang on. Raj: Oh, yeah. This is one good-looking panini. Howard: Hand me the tuna melt. Leonard: Yep. Howard: Thank you. How's it going with the long-distance love affair? Leonard: Not easy, but we're making it work. Howard: When you say making it work, does that include doing the cyber nasty? Leonard: What? Howard: You know, the virtual pickle tickle. The digital bow-chicka-bow-bow. Raj: Come on, dude. This is my sister you're talking about. Howard: Hey, Leonard jiggling his junk at her through a webcam has got to be easier for you to deal with than him actually touching her with it. Leonard: There's no junk jiggling. We just talk. Howard: Are you insane? With high-speed Internet, you have at your fingertips the greatest advancement in the field of s*x since the invention of the washcloth. Leonard: I can't do that. Howard: Well, if you don't, you're gonna lose Priya to some fancy guy in a turban who grew up with Kama Sutra coloring books. Raj: How can you be so racist? Howard: Oh, come on, tell me I'm wrong. Sheldon (entering): Oh, Leonard, good. There you are. I need you to check my head for chair lice. Leonard: I did it last night, I'm not doing it again. Howard: Just his head, right? Leonard: I don't want to talk about it. You didn't catch bugs from Penny's chair. Sheldon: Yes, I did. And now they're cavorting at the base of my hair follicles like dancing hippies at the Redwood National Forest. Leonard: Sheldon, you do this all the time. You fixate on some crazy idea and then blow it way out of proportion. Sheldon: Name one time I've ever done that. Leonard: How about when you put GPS trackers in your garbage because you were convinced North Korean spies were stealing your doodles? The chicken nuggets you were sure were human nuggets. The strangely-shaped cloud that was following you around town. The time you put on my shirt by mistake and were convinced you'd started growing again. Sheldon: I said, name one. You really need to work on your listening skills. Scene: Penny's apartment door. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. Penny: Yello. Sheldon: You need to remove that chair from the building. It's a health hazard. Penny: Okay, relax. I took off the slipcovers, had them dry-cleaned and then fumigated the cushions. Sheldon: Really? Penny: Yeah. It's cleaner than my couch. Found half a Hot Pocket in there. Sheldon: It certainly looks okay. Has a strong toxic chemical smell. That's reassuring. Penny: Why don't you give it a try, Sheldon? Sheldon: All right. It is a comfortable chair. Penny: Why don't you just admit you overreacted? Sheldon: No, thank you. (Sees insect. More appear and swarm all over him. He jumps out of a daydream on his own couch. Jumps up and runs out to Penny's apartment. Leonard: It's like living with a Chihuahua. Sheldon (at Penny's door): (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. Penny: What's up, buttercup? Sheldon: You have to get rid of the chair. Penny: Nope. (Closes door) Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. Penny: What's the word, hummingbird? Sheldon: For your safety, please wait in my apartment as I call the authorities so they may remove the chair of death. Penny: No. (Closes door) Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. Penny: What's the gist, physicist? Sheldon: Under my authority as a self-appointed member of the Centres for Disease Control street team, these premises are condemned. (Penny tries to close door) As a man with a keen sense of style, I must tell you, that chair does not work with the room. (Penny closes door). (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Penny opens door and waves seat cushion at him. He screams and runs off. She closes door. He sneaks back) (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. Scene: Leonard's bedroom. Leonard: So, here we are. Back in bed together. Priya (on laptop screen): Yep, here we are. Leonard: Okay, so I, I, I guess I'll just jump right in. Priya: All right. Leonard: Uh, you're a naughty girl. And, and, uh, I, I want to punish you with my love? Priya: What? Leonard: Not good? Priya: That's terrible. Try again. Leonard: Okay. Uh, uh, you're not naughty. Uh, you're, you're, you're dirty. You're, you're a, a dirty girl? Priya: Oh, yes. Yes, I am. Leonard: Yeah, yeah. Uh, okay. You're a, you're a, you're a, a dirty, disgusting, revolting girl. Ugh! Priya: God, Leonard, stop talking. Leonard: Why don't you just give me five minutes? I'll Google how to do this. I'll call you right back. Priya: Shh-shh-shh. Just be quiet and do what I tell you. Leonard: Okay, like usual. Good. Priya: Take off your shirt. Leonard: All rightie. Shirt coming off. Ta-da! Man nipples. Priya: I said be quiet. Leonard: Yes, ma'am. Priya: Now take off your shorts. Leonard: Taking shorts off. There we go. Naked, naked, naked! Priya: Wonderful. Now I'll take off my clothes. Leonard: Cool. (computer screen bugs out) Uh-oh! Priya: Here I am, baby. You miss these? Leonard: Oh, damn it! Priya: Oh, Leonard! Already? Leonard: No, no! No-no-no! The screen froze. It's probably just buffering, just give it a second. Priya: Fine. Leonard: So, how are your mom and dad? Priya: Yeah, I really don't want to talk about my parents now. Leonard: Yeah. Sure, sure. Sheldon (calling from outside): If your video's frozen, try resetting the TCP/IP stack. Leonard: Oh! I didn't even think of that. Thanks. Sheldon (still off): You're welcome. Please let me know when you and your girlfriend are done hogging the bandwidth for your self-abuse. I'm trying to stream a movie on Netflix in here. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Amy's apartment. Amy is playing a harp. Amy: Five, six, seven, eight. Tall and tan and young and lovely, the girl from Ipanema goes walking, and when she passes, each one she passes goes... Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Amy. (Knock, knock, knock) Amy. (Knock, knock, knock) Amy. Amy: Oh... You are aware that your ritualistic knocking behaviour is symptomatic of obsessive compulsive disorder? Sheldon: Is not. Is not, is not. Amy: Denial. Denial, denial. Come in. Sheldon: Thank you. Amy: Would you like to hear me play a bossa nova standard on the harp? Sheldon: No. Amy: How about the theme song to the classic television show Diff'rent Strokes? Now the world don't move to the beat... Sheldon: No. Amy: Well, that's every song I know. What's up? Sheldon: You're good friends with Penny, right? Amy: Best friends, besties, BFFs, peas in a pod, sisters who would share travelling pants. Go on. Sheldon: I was hoping she might listen to you about the dangers of owning unhygienic furniture. Amy: For general educational purposes, or has she acquired a bar stool dipped in cholera? Sheldon: Cholera is water-borne. You're mocking me. Amy: Yes, I am. Sheldon: Penny has dragged a chair in off the street whose unknown provenance jeopardizes the health and welfare of every resident in our building. Amy: Sheldon, just because you have a focus on cleanliness bordering on the psychotic doesn't mean I have to participate. Sheldon: All right, name your price. Amy: Kiss me where I've never been kissed before. Sheldon: You mean like Salt Lake City? Amy: Never mind. I'll talk to Penny. Sheldon: Thank you. Amy: Will you listen to me play my harp now? Sheldon: No. I dislike the sound of the harp. Its overuse in classic television sitcoms always makes me think I'm going to experience an episode from my past. (Amy plays glissando) I'm sorry, Mommy. Don't be mad at me. Don't do that! Scene: Howard's workshop. Leonard: I don't know about this, Howard. Howard: What? You're having trouble with the long-distance lovemaking. This is your answer. There are two interfaces that simulate a human mouth. You have one, Priya has one in India. When you move your lips and tongue on yours, it transmits exactly what you're doing to hers. See? Internet kissing. (Howard kisses device) Give it a try. Leonard: I don't think so. Raj: I'll try it. Like this? Howard: Almost. Really get your tongue in there, to activate the motion sensor. Raj: Like this? Howard: Close. Really French it. Raj: Better? Howard: Yeah, you got it, you got it. Raj: I'm impressed. This is very lifelike. Howard: Whoa! You just bit my tongue! Raj: I, I nibbled. I was being playful. Howard: Why do you have to make everything weird? Raj: Sorry. Better? Howard: Oh, yeah. Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: Pretty cool, huh? Probably would cost, like, two hundred bucks in a store. Amy: I do appreciate a bargain. This entire ensemble once belonged to my dead grandmother. Penny: You're kidding. Amy: Everything except bra and panties. And they're a leopard-spotted secret I share with Victoria. Penny: And now me. Amy: I just have one question about the chair. Penny: And what's that? Amy: Aren't you worried about it being unhygienic? Penny: No, it's completely fine. Hmm. I get it. Sheldon sent you. He put you up to this. Amy: No, he didn't. Penny: Really? Amy: Yes, he did. He absolutely did. Penny: My God, Amy, that's really crappy of you. Amy: It is? Penny: Yeah! Letting Sheldon use you to manipulate me? I thought you were my friend. Amy: No, I am your friend. Please don't be mad at me. Penny: I can't even believe this. You know, maybe you should just go. Amy: No, no, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I take it all back. Look. I'm, uh, I'm sitting in your chair. There's nothing wrong with it. It's a great chair. Please let me continue to be part of your world. Ow! Penny: What's wrong? Amy: Something in the chair's biting my tushy. It's not important. Ow! Penny: Wait. Get up, get up! (She does. Something is moving in the seat cushion. They both run out of the apartment screaming.) Swear you won't tell Sheldon what happened! Amy (between screams): I swear! Can I tell my doctor? I'm probably gonna need shots! Penny (also still screaming): Yeah, sure! Scene: Leonard's bedroom. Leonard: Oh, hey, babe, I think I figured this thing out. Priya (on screen): Oh, Leonard, listen... Leonard: No, you listen. You're my woman, and I'm gonna make you feel things you have never felt before. Priya: Leonard... Leonard: That's right, say my name, and beg me for more, 'cause, I'm gonna give it to you. Priya: My parents are here. Dr Koothrappali: Hello, Leonard, if I may also say your name. Scene: The street outside the apartment block. Howard: Check it out. Free chair. Raj: Yeah. Hey, you know, if this was in Sheldon and Leonard's apartment, I wouldn't wind up sitting on the floor all the time. Howard: On three? Together: Three! Raj: What kind of idiot throws away a terrific chair like this?

Penny gets a new chair, which Sheldon enjoys until he finds out that she picked it up from the street. He constantly pesters Penny to dispose of it, to no avail. Note: Melissa Rauch is absent in this episode.

fd_Lucifer_02x17

fd_Lucifer_02x17_0

Lucifer is drinking and watching over his mother. Amenadiel comes. Amenadiel: Lucifer, we need to talk about something. Lucifer: What... Can it wait? I'm busy keeping an eye on our mercurial mother. Amenadiel: No, it's important. I think you might be in danger. Lucifer: Is it the Yakuza? The Nephilim? One Million Mums? Amenadiel: It's Maze. She's angry with you, brother. Lucifer: Well, is it Tuesday already? Anger is Maze's default setting, sort of baked into her demon DNA. Amenadiel: No, this is different, Luci. I think you really need to talk to her. Lucifer: She'll get over it; she always does. Right now, we have bigger issues to deal with, like whether or not Mum is wasting our time. Amenadiel: If she believes her client has found another piece of the Flaming Sword, so do I. Lucifer: Oh, such a loyal son. But Mum hasn't adapted to this world as well as you might think. This chap could be conning her... I think I'm gonna go make sure... Amenadiel: She seems to be doing just fine. Charlotte puts a briefcase on the table. Lucifer: That's not the money, is it? Amenadiel: Of course not. She wouldn't bring it to the meeting. Lucifer: Oh, no. Of course not. I mean, that would be absurd, wouldn't it? Amenadiel: She's just showing it to him. I mean, it's not like she's gonna hand it to him before she... Gets the piece. That's great. The guy takes the money and leaves. Lucifer: And now she's letting him leave. Marvellous. Lucifer and Amenadiel join Charlotte. Charlotte: Well, that went well. Lucifer: Oh, you think so, do you? Charlotte: I do. He has what we need in his safe in the back room. Lucifer: Oh. Charlotte: He's going to get it right now. Lucifer: Mum, you just handed him a briefcase full of cash with no proof whatsoever he has what we need. Charlotte: And? Lucifer: You've been conned. Charlotte: He's a client of mine, darling. I don't think he'd be that foolhardy. Lucifer: Oh. Charlotte: Well, I'm sure he'll be right back... Maybe we should go check just to be sure. Lucifer: I think that's a good idea, don't you? Charlotte: Oh. Lucifer, Charlotte and Amenadiel enter in the office manager of the restaurant. The man is dead. Charlotte: Huh. See? He didn't con me. Lucifer: Look, instead he's dead, and someone robbed him of what's ours... Much better. Well, the good news is, after this spectacular bungling, I happen to work with a homicide detective. Charlotte: If you find the killer, then you'll find our piece of the Flaming Sword. Amenadiel: Hey, but, Mom... Lucifer: The challenge is... Making sure we catch the case before some other detective. Amenadiel: But what about... Charlotte: I may be able to help. Lucifer: Really? I'm all ears. Lucifer and Charlotte leave. Maze enters in Linda's practice. Maze: Is everything all right here? Linda: Yeah, everything's fine, Maze. You can, uh, you-you can put away the knives. Nigel: We'll be in touch, Dr. Martin... Excuse me. Linda: Uh, Maze. Maze. Oh, my Lord. Maze: Who the hell was that? Linda: That was the chairman of the ethics review board. Maze: Are you okay? Linda: No. No, I am not. No, Maze. No, no, no, don't, don't. That won't do any good. Maze: What happened? Linda: A couple of weeks ago, I maybe, sort of... Helped Lucifer break out of a mental institution... Using my own name. It's my fault, really. Maze: No, it is not your fault. It is Lucifer's fault. It's always Lucifer's fault. First, I find out he's ditching me to go to Heaven, and now he's hurting you... Look, I'm gonna fix this, Linda. And then him and I are gonna have a little talk. At the station, Lucifer is waiting. Chloe is working. Lucifer: Hey, I should get my own desk. Chloe: Not happening. Lucifer: Right next to yours would probably be best. Chloe: Definitely not happening. Why are you hovering over me? Lucifer: I'm not hovering. I'm just spending time with my partner. Chloe: Oh, well, since you're here, why don't you help me with this paperwork. I could really get used to this, partner. Lucifer: Right. Yes, on second thought, maybe a desk in the far corner might... Chloe: Mm-mm. Lucifer: Oh! Ms. Richards. Charlotte: Detective Decker. Just the woman I was hoping to see. Chloe: Well, I feel the opposite. If you'll excuse me. Charlotte: Hear me out. A client of mine called. He sounded very worried. I think he might be in terrible danger. Lucifer: Oh, that's awful. Detective, we should do something. Charlotte: He's at a bar downtown. Would you come with me and make sure that he's okay? Chloe: Nope. Charlotte: Nope? Chloe: I'm a homicide cop. I do not go around checking on worried criminals like a nanny, Charlotte. So if we're done here... Charlotte: I heard... Things... On a... On-on the phone call. Chloe: Like? Charlotte: Fingers... Pointing. Chloe: You heard... Fingers pointing? Charlotte: Very angrily. Yes... Also, a gunshot. Sounded like he was... Dying, or, um... Melting? It's hard to tell. Chloe: Charlotte... Lucifer: It sounds worth our time, actually. Chloe: Agreed. Why didn't you just lead with that? Chloe, Lucifer and Charlotte enter in the crime scene. Chloe: The lock's damaged. Lucifer: Is it? Chloe: Looks like you're right. He's been dead about an hour. Lucifer: Oh? Impressive guess, Detective. Uh, I'm assuming from the... Discoloration... Well, that wasn't a complete Dumpster fire, but now that we're finished, you can see yourself out. Charlotte: I'll do nothing of the sort. Lucifer: Fine. I'll show you out, if you insist. Charlotte: I'm not going anywhere. Lucifer: But the detective and I have got everything handled now. Charlotte: This is far too important to leave to just the two of you. I will stick around. Lucifer: Mum. Charlotte: Besides, we'll get to work together. Won't that be fun? Ella is here to exam the body. Ella: We're running tests for gunshot residue and cocaine. Should have those in, like, five minutes. Chloe: Okay. Good... Oh, Charlotte. You're still here, huh? Charlotte: Well, he was my client. I thought I might be of help to the case. Lucifer: But if not, we could always get her to shoo along and we can carry on with our business. Chloe: No. I'm sure she could be very helpful. So tell me, why does Zeke Moore, a manager at an import/export company, have you representing him? Charlotte: Because I'm the best. Chloe: At getting criminals off. Charlotte: Well, that's not true. I haven't slept with any of my clients. Chloe: What? You represent the worst of the worst. So why was Zeke a client? Charlotte: Because he works for Bianca Ruiz. Lucifer: What? The tequila magnate? Chloe: Bianca's tequila empire is a front. She uses the distribution routes to sell guns, drugs, and, oh, yeah, people. So we've been after her for a long time. Charlotte: Who do you think did this? A rival of some sort? Chloe: Well, that's actually a good question. Ella, what do we have? Ella: Well, no smoking gun, but poor Zeke here got shot twice. First in the thigh... Bullet winged him... And then another went through his hand hitting him in the chest. Probably trying to defend himself. Too bad you can't catch bullets. Lucifer: Well, he can't maybe. Chloe: I don't think this was a professional hit. Maybe a robbery gone wrong. Charlotte: And idea of what was taken? Ella: Well, trace elements point to cash, cocaine, gunpowder residue, indicating weapons... All your basic bad guy stuff. No sign of forced entry, though. Chloe: Which means the killer either knew the combination, or he just waited for the vic to open it to strike. Ella: Mm-hmm. Hey, I got something here. Cell phone. No dust on it, so it hasn't been there long. Chloe: Well, Zeke had his phone on him, so this one could be the killer's. Maybe he dropped it during the fight or just didn't have time to retrieve it. Ella: Passcode protected, of course. But the home screen is... Two eyes? Charlotte: Human female breasts. Lucifer: No. That is a woman's perfectly freckled rump. Chloe: So our lead on the killer is a pair of butt-boob-eyes. It's a great start. At the station, Daniel studies Bianca Ruiz's file. Charlotte comes. Charlotte: Hello, Daniel. Daniel: What are you doing here? Charlotte: Ms. Ruiz there... Is my client. Daniel: Well, she's a real piece of work. Charlotte: Trying to make me jealous? Daniel: What do you want from me? You seduce me, you betray me, now you're back. You have to want something, I just can't figure out what. Charlotte: I do want something, you're right. And I'll tell you. Just somewhere private. Daniel: I'm not having s*x with you here. Charlotte: But I need something to pass the time until we get a lead. Daniel: I don't understand you. All right, whatever this is between us. Charlotte: Well, it's simple, Daniel Espinoza... I like you. Music comes from the lab. Ella: You guys, it's a record label. The symbol on the phone we found is the label's logo. Lucifer: And they choose to publish this music of their own free will? Ella: It's a vanity label. It exists only to make this one guy's music. Chloe: Okay, well, who owns it? And can you please turn it off? Ella: Chet Ruiz. Charlotte: Bianca's youngest son. Half our billing goes to keeping him out of jail. Chloe: So Bianca's own son robbed and killed one of her most loyal soldiers? Daniel: The files barely mention Chet. I didn't know he was actually part of the family business. Charlotte: He's not. Bianca tries to keep him as far away from it all as possible. Chloe: Maybe he started to resent that, decided to make a play? Lucifer: And then dropped his phone, proving just how right his mother was about him. Chloe: Well, if Chet is the killer, this could be our chance to take down Bianca, as well. Cut off the head of her entire operation. This could be huge. Ella: Yeah. Bummer is the phone proves that Chet was in the room but doesn't definitively tie him to the murder. Chloe: Dan, why don't you work on hacking the passcode. I'll have a chat with Chet. And, Charlotte, thank you so much for your help. But now that one of your clients is our main suspect, it's best you go. Charlotte: I don't think I have to go quite yet. Chloe: Maybe not, but I think you should. Charlotte: Bianca's having a party today. It's the launch of her new tequila. I'm sure Chet will be there, and... I'm invited. Chloe: Why do you want to help us now? Charlotte: Because we all want the same thing: to find out who robbed and killed Zeke. Daniel: You know, Chloe, it would be a good chance for us to go undercover. Gather some intel before they even know we're onto them. Chloe: All right. Lucifer: Fine. Good. It's settled. The Detective and I will go, so thank you so much for your help. Charlotte: I don't think so. The invitation is under my name. I will go. Perhaps Detective Espinoza should join me. Lucifer: No. Yes, that's not happening. Uh, very well. I'll go with you... Chloe: No, I'll go with Charlotte. Lucifer: But, Detective... Chloe: No more argument. Charlotte: Very well. But I suggest you go shopping. This isn't the kind of place you can attend in pajamas. Lucifer: This is ridiculous. Chloe: Pajamas? Ella: What if Ella goes to the party? That sounds like a great idea. Oh, my God. Thank you so much for thinking of me. But you know what? I'm so busy. Lucifer enters in Linda's practice. Maze is waiting for him. Lucifer: I have been sidelined by my own mother and the Detective. It's absurd. I won't stand for it. I am gonna find a way into that party. Maze: Do you always whine like this? I don't know how she puts up with it. Lucifer: Where's Dr. Linda? Maze: Suspended. Because of you. Because you have been a terrible, selfish friend... To her. Now you're gonna fix it. Lucifer: Well, gladly, once I figure a way back onto the case. Maze: No, Lucifer. Now! Lucifer: But I suppose they can handle things without me for the time being. What's the plan? Daniel is on the phone at the station. Daniel: It'll take two hours to scan the phone... I'll come to you. I'll kill some time till it's done. See you soon. Daniel sees Amenadiel. Daniel: Hey, man. You looking for your brother? Amenadiel: Or my m... Um... Charlotte? Listen, um... Are they here? Because I haven't been able to reach them. Daniel: No, they took off. Couple hours ago. Amenadiel: Of course they did. And why would they bother to let me know? Daniel: I could try to call them for you. Amenadiel: Don't worry about it, Dan. I mean, with a brother like Lucifer, I really should be used to this, right? Daniel: Hey. What are you doing right now? Charlotte arrives at the party. Charlotte: Charlotte Richards. Have you seen my plus one? She's a tired-looking blonde. Probably dressed in something freshly-plucked from the floor. Mm-mm. Hmm? Chloe enters. Chloe: Let's get this pajama party started. Chloe and Charlotte are talking. Chloe: I still don't understand why you're helping us. Bianca's your client. Charlotte: I'm not the same woman I was when she hired me. Chloe: Hmm. Did you have a change of heart? Charlotte: No, the same heart. Completely different soul, though. Chloe: Hmm. There's Chet. I'll go talk to him. Charlotte: You know, that's wise. You seem more his type than me, and you're not particularly intimidating, so that should help. Chloe: Help what? Charlotte: Well, in seducing him, of course. Chloe: I'm not gonna seduce him, Charlotte. Charlotte: Not with that posture you're not. Fine. I'll do it. Chloe: No. No. There's gonna be no seducing. We just need to get Chet to talk, have him incriminate himself, then we can arrest him and flip him on Bianca. Charlotte: You expect him to betray his own mother? One that's given him everything he's ever wanted? Chloe: Not all kids appreciate what their parents have given them. Charlotte: Well, that I agree with. Chloe: I just think with a little pressure, he'll crack. Oh, bodyguard. Maybe he's not as easy to get to as I thought. Charlotte: Why would an overprotective mother bring her murderous son to a tequila-fuelled party? Chloe: Well, if her son killed Zeke, she has no idea... Okay. I've got an idea. Maze and Lucifer are talking to the chairman of the ethics review board. Maze: Dr. Linda Martin is an amazing therapist and an incredible woman. You can't do this to her. Nigel: Well, I'm afraid that she brought this on herself. So, unless there's something... Specific that you can tell me, there's very little that I can do. Maze: Hmm. Well, how about proof of all the good she's done? Like this guy. Lucifer Morningstar. Lucifer: Oh, that's quite flattering. Maze: The worst patient anyone could ask for. He is a back-stabbing, selfish, narcissistic little devil. He's greedy... Nigel: Is there a-a point to this? Lucifer: Yes, I'm wondering the same thing. Maze: The point is, despite all of that, she went out of her way to help him. Lucifer: Yeah, she's right. The doctor has seen a side to me that I hide because it's, well, terrifying. But she accepted me nonetheless, and she's helped me through issues that I thought insurmountable. Nigel: I appreciate the testimonial, and I will include it into the notes. Maze: That's it? Nigel: Unless you have more evidence to submit. Lucifer: Well, she's generous. As a, as a therapist, as a lover, a friend... Nigel: Wait. You slept with your therapist. Lucifer: What? O-only in the beginning. Then she decided that I shouldn't pay for therapy with s*x. So, such strong morals, don't you think? Maze: Let's go! Lucifer: What the...? Oh, no, no, she saved my life. I mean, granted, she killed me first, but I did ask her. Maze: Oh, my God. Lucifer. At the party, Charlotte goes to speak with Bianca. Bianca Ruiz: We actually have been trying to get the formula for... Charlotte. Excuse me. Oh. So glad you can make it. How are the children? Charlotte: They're angels. But speaking of children... What did Chet do now? Bianca Ruiz: Run out on another tab? Charlotte: The police suspect him of killing Zeke Moore. Bianca Ruiz: That's impossible. Charlotte: I have it from a very good source. Bianca Ruiz: I'll get to the bottom of it. Thank you, Charlotte. Charlotte: As always. Of course. Bianca Ruiz: Enjoy. Bianca is going to speak with her son. Bianca Ruiz: What did you do? Chet Ruiz: What could I do? You won't let me drink, my bank account's pretty low lately... Bianca Ruiz: Zeke Moore. What did you do? Chet Ruiz: I took care of a problem. You're welcome. Bianca Ruiz: You don't work for me. Chet Ruiz: But I should. Look what I can do. Bianca Ruiz: Yeah, remove one of my best earners? Chet Ruiz: You see, this is why you need me, Ma. I found out that Zeke was building up his own business. Smuggling up rare artifacts on the side. Bianca Ruiz: And I was making 30%. Chet Ruiz: Oh. Well, I would have known that if you had just given me... Bianca Ruiz: How do the police know it was you? Chet Ruiz: I may have... Dropped my phone. Bianca Ruiz: Chet, what was on your phone? Let's go somewhere quieter. Chet Ruiz: No, Mom. Mom, Mom. They go apart. Bianca Ruiz: The whole business? Chet Ruiz: I was just trying to learn how the financial part worked, Ma. You know, prove to you I could be a part of this. Bianca Ruiz: So you saved it on your phone, which the police now have. Chet Ruiz: Don't worry. I'm already taking care of it. Won't be a problem... What? Bianca Ruiz stops Chloe who was trying to leave. Bianca Ruiz: Hello. Daniel and Amenadiel are having a drink in a bar. Amenadiel: Improv? Really? Daniel: Come on, man, you promised me you wouldn't laugh. I went through a lot this last year. And improv sort of helped me reorient myself. Amenadiel: How? Daniel: Well, it took stepping outside of myself to figure out who I really was. You know, stop defining myself by other people... Chloe. Lucifer. Amenadiel: I see. So you think I'm defining myself by my brother, yeah? Daniel: Well, I know from experience, the dude casts a pretty big-ass shadow. Amenadiel: Well, if there is one constant in the universe, it's that Lucifer's the favourite. No matter what I do. No matter how hard I work or how much he screws up...It's never gonna change. Daniel: You guys must have competed over everything, huh? Amenadiel: I mean, he would never admit it, right? But yeah. Yeah, everything. Daniel: Even women? Eh, I just noticed that you and Lucifer have a weird relationship with Charlotte Richards. I just thought maybe you guys... Amenadiel: No, Dan, we are not competing over Charlotte. Trust me. At least, not in the way you think. And if we are, well, obviously I lost. Because I'm here, with you. No offense. Daniel: Yeah, none taken. Oh, man. They couldn't crack the passcode. But, uh, for what it's worth, I like you a hell of a lot more than I like your brother. At the party, Bianca asks some questions to Chloe. Bianca Ruiz: I know everyone here except you. What are you doing here? Chloe: I, uh... I'm... Uh, was... I came because, well... I love your son's music. Hi, Chet. Chet, you're so good. You're amazing. Bianca Ruiz: Oh, please. I've seen the sales. Nobody actually listens to that... Stuff. Chloe: Oh, I listen to it, big-time. Chloe starts to sing. Bianca Ruiz: I've heard enough. Chloe: Yeah. Guard: That's enough, ma'am. Chloe: Chet, you're so good. You're dope! Guard: Let's go. Chloe: I love you. I... Chet Ruiz: I love you more. Chloe phones Daniel. Chloe: Dan. Hey. Look, that phone... I think it is way more important than we thought. It might be the key to taking down Bianca. Maze and Lucifer are walking in the street. Lucifer: Great. Now that we've solved that, I can get back to the case and... Maze hits Lucifer in the belly. Lucifer: Ooh! God! What?! Maze: What? You just made everything worse. Why am I surprised? Just leave. Since that's been your plan all along anyway. Lucifer: Is that what all this has been about? Amenadiel told you about our trip back to Heaven, didn't he? Maze: Don't you blame him. You... She hits him again. Lucifer: Aah! Maze: Should have told me. Lucifer: Well, if you understood the full picture... She punches him in the face. Lucifer: Oh! Stop hitting me. Maze: Then explain. Lucifer: Well, I'd like to, but you have a tendency to get emotional about things. She punches him in the face again. Lucifer: Aah! Case in point. Maze: So I needed to be controlled, is that it? What the hell am I, Lucifer... A pawn in some plan of yours? Lucifer: No, I wouldn't put it like that. Maze: Of course you wouldn't, because that would actually require you understanding how you affect people. How you hurt them. She hits him in the nuts. Lucifer: Oh! Aah! You seem to be the one doing the hurting at the moment. Maze: You don't care about anyone other than yourself. Unless they can be of use to you. Sound familiar? Lucifer: Tread very carefully, Maze. Maze: You're just like your parents. They fight. Lucifer: Aah! Maze: Aah! Lucifer: Oh! Maybe... Maybe we should just take a time-out so that... You can catch your breath. Maze: Yeah, so you can catch your breath. And then, I'll get back to kicking your ass. Lucifer: See, now... I had no idea that you were this mad at me. Maze: You were gonna leave me. Lucifer: I would never do that. Maze: But you told Amenadiel and your mom that y... You were going with them to Heaven. Lucifer: Well, I didn't say how long for. Huh? Or what I was gonna do when I got there. Maze: You're playing your own angle... And you didn't tell me... Because you needed me to be angry with you so you could sell your story. Lucifer: Exactly! So, all this... Was for nothing. Maze: Lucifer, that's even worse. At the station, Ella, Chloe and Daniel are talking about the phone. Ella: This phone could be the key to taking down the entire Ruiz empire. Daniel: Yeah, but how do we crack it if cyber couldn't even do it? Ella: Time. That idiot didn't install a program that can remotely wipe the phone. And it's an older phone with just a four-digit code. Daniel: So, what, we just keep trying till we get in? How long will that take? Ella: There are only 10,000 options. Well, actually, 9,996 now... I took a couple stabs. So, hey, making progress. I would say maybe a month. Daniel: Well, we can't arrest 'em till we know what's on that phone. And if they decide to make a run for it... Chloe: All right. Let's just try to speed it up. Let's look into Chet's background, let's try and come up with number combinations that might be meaningful to him, all right? Let's go. Maze and Lucifer are at Linda's practice. Linda: Did you guys... Kill the chairman of the review board? Please tell me you didn't kill him. Not that he didn't deserve it, the smug, insufferable... Lucifer: No, no. No one's dead. We did this to each other. Though... When it comes to your case, I fear I may have, um... Complicated things. Maze: Lucifer told him you used to screw. Among other things. Linda: Oh? Oh. Well, I guess that's that. Lucifer: No, that isn't that. I want to know why she's still upset with me. Linda: Since I'm not currently a practicing doctor of psychiatry, I don't have to lead you on this path of realization; I can just tell you. Maze is pissed at you because you used her. Lucifer: Sure. But for the greater good of our debauchery here in L.A. Linda: Did you even once think of how this affected her? Lucifer: Of course I did. Thought about how she might ruin everything by disembowelling my mum or castrating my brother. Linda: I meant her feelings. Lucifer: What? Linda: She thought... You abandoned her. That you didn't care how that affected her. Lucifer: But those sort of things never bothered her be... Maze is crying. Lucifer: Before. Oh... Mazikeen. I didn't realize... I should have realized. Linda: Well, my work here is done... Literally. So, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to find a very stiff martini. Maze: Linda... I'll take care of this. I promise. [SCENE_BREAK] Bianca enters in Charlotte's office. Charlotte: Bianca. Has something happened? Bianca Ruiz: Yes. My son robbed and killed Zeke, as you know. But then he showed me what Zeke was smuggling. And for whom. Now I have it. And I think it's very important to you, isn't it? Charlotte: It is. Bianca Ruiz: Then let's make a deal. I'll give it to you if you get my son's phone from the police. Charlotte: That's not possible. Bianca Ruiz: You'll find a way. Otherwise, I'll make sure that what you want... Disappears forever. Ella is trying to find the passcode of Chet's phone. Charlotte enters. Ella: Birthday reverse. Nope. Double 69. Oddly relieved that's not it. Charlotte: Ms. Lopez. We haven't really had the chance to meet. Ella: I know. I've been looking forward to a formal "hey-ya." Charlotte: S... Uh... Uh, no, I see you're still working on the phone. I knew Chet well. Perhaps I could borrow it, maybe try some combinations? Ella: I see through you... I know you are waiting around for my boy Dan. Charlotte: Oh. Caught me red-handed. Ella: And even though most everybody is all like, "She a shark, those dead eyes, don't trust her," when I look at you... I see a light. Charlotte: Did my bandage come undone? Ella: So, for now, benefit of the doubt. But if you ever hurt Dan again, I'll have someone break your legs. Ella's phone rings. Ella: Oh, that's my brother. I've been trying to get ahold of him forever. Can you watch the phone? Charlotte: Sure. Ella: Thanks. See? Light. Charlotte takes the phone and she's about to leave the lab, but Chloe is here. Chloe: Start talking. Lucifer is playing the piano, Chloe enters. Lucifer: Ah! Chloe: What happened to you? Lucifer: Oh, this. It's just a little fisticuffs between friends. Chloe: I just had a very enlightening conversation with Charlotte Richards. Lucifer: Ah. Well, I've had my fill of enlightening conversations for today, thank you. Chloe: Lucifer, she told me who she really is, and how you two are related. Lucifer: I somehow doubt that. Chloe: No, it all makes sense. Why you were so disgusted when I suggested you two had slept together. Why you act so weird around her in general. Lucifer: She... Really told you. What did she tell you? Chloe: That she's your father's ex. Lucifer: Right, yes, no. That's-that's true. Chloe: Right, yeah. I mean, the way she talked about your dad and-and what he put her through. Lucifer: Mm-hmm. Betrayal, torture, Hell, et cetera. All true. Chloe: Mm-hmm. I just cannot imagine raising kids with someone like that. Lucifer: Sympathy for the Goddess, Detective? Chloe: Why didn't you just tell me she was your step-mom? Lucifer: Well, it didn't seem that simple to explain. I mean, how did this all come about, anyway? Chloe: Well... I... I caught Charlotte trying to steal evidence for Bianca Ruiz. Lucifer: What? Why would she do that? Chloe: Well, apparently Bianca figured out that Charlotte and I were working together at the sting. Bianca threatened Charlotte's family. I mean, she threatened you if she didn't help. Lucifer: Well, that sounds plausible, yes. Chloe: I don't know. Something about it doesn't feel right. I don't know if I can trust her. Lucifer: Well, I mean, I know I'm biased, but one thing's for certain, Detective: Charlotte Richards will stop at nothing to protect her children... You can trust that. Chloe: Hmm. Charlotte is in Bianca's office. Bianca Ruiz: Did you bring me what I asked for? Charlotte: Mm. As promised. Bianca Ruiz: Make sure it's real. That it wasn't cloned. A guy takes the phone. Bianca Ruiz: To the things a mother will do for her children. Charlotte: I'll drink to that. Chloe and Lucifer are listening to the conversation. Bianca Ruiz: I can't even count the times that Chet has come close to destroying everything I've built. Charlotte: Children always find new ways to test us. Lucifer: She's talking about Amenadiel. Charlotte: Put us through... Hell. Lucifer: That one's me. Bianca Ruiz: And yet we still protect them. Charlotte: Always. Bianca Ruiz: Now for your side of the bargain. Charlotte pours her drink on the bug. Chloe: We lost the feed. She's up to something. Lucifer: Well, no, no, no. She may have just shorted the bug. Chloe: No. Charlotte Richards is either screwing us over or she's in trouble. Guys, get ready to go in. And she better be in trouble. In the office, Bianca gives Charlotte a key. Bianca Ruiz: This opens a safety deposit box. Inside you'll find what Zeke was smuggling for you. Charlotte: This isn't what we agreed to. How do I know you'll hold up your end of the deal? Bianca Ruiz: Because I always do. And quite honestly, I don't see why you put so much value in... The cops enter in the office. Cops: Freeze! See your hands! Chloe: LAPD. Bianca Ruiz, you're under arrest. Bianca Ruiz: This is absurd. Charlotte. Charlotte. Charlotte: Will no longer be representing you. Bianca Ruiz: You're making a terrible mistake... Don't touch me. Lucifer: Charlotte, are you okay? Charlotte: Yes. Chloe: Lucifer, don't. Step away. I need to search her. Lucifer: Well, I don't think that's necessary, Detective. Chloe: Well, I do. Charlotte: It's okay, son. Lucifer: Fine. Chloe: Arms out. Charlotte: Hmm. Oh, you're being incredibly thorough... I like it. Chloe: She's clean. Lucifer: Well, I told you, Detective, she's got nothing to hide. Officer: The phone was still unlocked. We have everything. Chloe: Seems like we do. Let's, uh... Lucifer had the key. Charlotte, Amenadiel and Lucifer are at the penthouse. Charlotte: A book? That's what Zeke smuggled for me? Is this a joke? Lucifer: Well, if it were, I would have chosen something funnier, like Douglas Adams or Freud. Charlotte: Are you certain... That this is all that was in the safety deposit box? Well, how is a book supposed to ignite the sword? Amenadiel: Maybe it's an instruction manual. Charlotte: In an ancient language I can't read. Wonderful. Here. Lucifer: Wh... I can't read it. Charlotte: But you speak every language. Lucifer: Speak, not read. I've always found tongues much more useful than books. So whatever language this is... Amenadiel: It's Sumerian. Unlike some of us who had everything handed to him, I actually spent my youth studying. Charlotte: Excellent. My smart boy. How-how quickly can you translate it? Amenadiel: Um, should only take me a few days. Charlotte: Days? I don't have that kind of time. Lucifer: Mum, why have you got your knickers in such a twist? Amenadiel: Is there a reason why you're in such a rush lately? Charlotte: I-I'm just anxious to see the rest of the family. Please start translating. Charlotte leaves. Amenadiel: There's something going on with her. Lucifer: Yeah. Or it's just that time of the millennium... What? Maze arrives to the chairman of the ethics review board's office. Nigel: Excuse me. Maze: Not this time. She pushes him in the office. Daniel goes to speak with Chloe. Daniel: Hey. Chloe: Hey. Daniel: Congrats on nabbing Queen Tequila. Chloe: Well, Chet's still out there, so this isn't over until I find him. Daniel: You and Charlotte Richards... That is the most awkward team-up of the century. Chloe: Actually, it wasn't as bad as I expected. I learned a lot of eye-opening things about her. That's for sure. Like her being Lucifer's step-mom. Had no idea... Daniel: Wait a minute. She... Step-mom? Chloe: Yeah. Yes. Daniel: That makes a weird amount of sense, actually. Chloe: Dan, I want you to be careful with her. There's something about her I don't trust. Daniel: I'm gonna be fine, Chloe. Chloe: Wait. One more thing. Daniel: Yeah. Chloe: If you married her, you'd kind of be like Lucifer's dad. Daniel: Oh, my God. Chloe: Right? It's so, so messed up. Charlotte is waiting for Chet Ruiz in her office. Chet Ruiz: I'm glad you agreed to meet me. Charlotte: Well, of course I did. I knew that book couldn't be it... Well, come on. Hand it over. I need what Zeke really smuggled... Now. Chet draws a knife. Charlotte: Mm. A knife. We already have... He stabs Charlotte. Chet Ruiz: My life is ruined! I don't want to go to prison. This is all your fault! Charlotte takes off the knife and her light burns Chet. He's dead. At the penthouse, Amenadiel translates the book. Lucifer: Who knew translating could be so exhausting. Amenadiel: Listen, I think I found something. Lucifer: Huh? Amenadiel: God shattered the Flaming Sword into three distinct pieces. "The Blade of Death." Lucifer: Azrael's. Amenadiel: "The Medallion of Life." Lucifer: Johnson's belt buckle. Amenadiel: And the key that binds them all together. Lucifer: Well, keys don't bind, they unlock. I think someone needs to go back to translation school. Amenadiel: And guess who has the key. Lucifer: Well, don't leave me in suspense. Who is it, brother? Amenadiel: It says that God entrusted the key to his favourite son... Of course he gave it to you... It's always you, isn't it? Lucifer: Well, what are you talking about? The only keys I've got are these. Amenadiel: What else did you bring with you to Earth, Luci? Your ring. I've never seen you without it; maybe that's the key. Lucifer: Well, the key to completing my ensemble maybe. Amenadiel: Here. Try and attach your ring to this. Lucifer: Brother. Amenadiel: Just do it. And we'll confirm what we already know. Lucifer: Brother... Amenadiel: That Father's favourite, despite everything that you have done, is and always has been you. Lucifer: Look down. Is that the key around your neck or are you just happy to see me? He entrusted it... To you, brother.

Lucifer, Amenadiel, and Charlotte cut a deal with a smuggler for the last piece of the Blade. However, the smuggler is robbed and murdered before he can turn over the piece. Lucifer gets Chloe assigned to the case, who discovers that the killer is Chet Ruiz, one of Charlotte's clients and a powerful crime lord. Amenadiel and Dan bond over feeling unable to compete with Lucifer. Linda is stripped of her medical license for ethics violations and Lucifer unintentionally botches her appeal by revealing his sexual arrangement with her. Maze attacks Lucifer for manipulating her during their time on Earth. Charlotte is coerced into stealing Chet's phone from the police, but Chloe finds out. She also learns that Charlotte is the "ex-wife of Lucifer's dad" and gets her to take part in a sting operation. The piece turns out to be a rare tome that only Amenadiel can read. Maze forces the chairman of the ethics board to restore Linda's license and Charlotte accidentally kills Chet by exposing him to divine light after he stabs her. Lucifer and Amenadiel discover that the latter's necklace contains the third piece of the Blade and that Amenadiel is their Father's favorite son.

fd_Blood_Feuds_01x02

fd_Blood_Feuds_01x02_0

Narrator: Our nation is built upon a history of battles fought over honor, family, and power. These bloody and iconic chapters define what it truly means to be an American. These are Blood Feuds. At the height of the Klondike Gold Rush, Skagway, Alaska is America's last frontier. [Gunshots] Skagway is the entrée to the gold fields. Control Skagway, and you control the wealth of the Yukon. Narrator: Two men are locked in a power battle for the town. Put that rope down. One is "Soapy" Smith, a notorious criminal driven by greed. Soapy was the king of the frontier continent. Narrator: The other is Frank Reid, a vigilante bent on revenge. Reid killed a man because of his bad temper. Soapy Smith has too much control over this town. There was a tension. And this tension slowly built. Narrator: It's an epic feud that starts with money but will end in blood. Smith: Bring them in, dead or alive... That statement guaranteed bloodshed in Skagway. I'm Soapy Smith. I've run the cleverest con games in the west. But now, I'm here in Skagway, Alaska to clean up on the Yukon Gold Rush. This is a town I mean to own. And Frank Reid ain't gonna stand in my way. Name's Frank Reid. The frontier is a place where a man can build something new. But Soapy Smith and his scams are making things hard for me. I mean to put a stop to it. You can't stop me. My God. Don't shoot. Narrator: Frank Reid's and Soapy Smith's fates collide in 1897, during the great Klondike Gold Rush. The front pages of newspapers screaming, "Gold. Gold. Gold." Narrator: As news spreads, men from all over the west pack their bags and board ships bound for Alaska. They came from San Francisco. They came from Portland. They came from Seattle. The Yukon offered a get-rich-quick type of thing. Narrator: But most of the men have no idea what they're in for. What you saw from the boat was a forbidding landscape, towering mountains. It was cold. Narrator: There are two main harbors that lead to the Yukon trail where the gold is. Dyea is the most direct route, but it's through the notoriously treacherous Chilkoot Trail. The other longer but less rigorous path is via a desolate outpost called Skagway. Spangenberger: Skagway comes from an old Indian name meaning cruel, deadly winds coming down. Narrator: In the harsh early days, Skagway becomes the first place where many newcomers to the Yukon would pitch their tent. Some of these men are here to try out their luck in the gold fields. Others see a chance to make money off the miners. And many are here to put their pasts behind them. There was a popular song during the Gold Rush which was called "What was your name in the States?" You could leave your entire past behind. You could start over again. Narrator: One man looking for a new start is a tough frontiersman from the western states named Frank Reid. He's a land surveyor and former soldier who is trying to escape from a dark past. Reid had killed a man in Oregon. Spangenberger: He killed him because of his bad temper. It was a neighbor that there was just some animosity brewing between them. The neighbor passed by him without acknowledging him. And that offended Reid's sense of honor. Hutton: The altercation was a real reflection of his demand for respect. He had a real edge to him. Narrator: Haunted by the killing, Reid yearns to put his demons behind him and contain his hair-trigger temper. He had a checkered past, but he wanted stability. He wanted something better. Narrator: Reid sees the Klondike as his chance for redemption. I don't think Reid was looking so much for the gold as for the opportunities that the Gold Rush was gonna create. He sees a new chance to remake himself 'cause that's what the west is all about. Narrator: When Reid arrives in Skagway in the summer of 1897, he's one of the early settlers. It's totally a sea of mud. Heaven help you if you fell 'cause you're likely just to drown in the muck. Narrator: The cold and the mud are only part of the problem. With no rules or oversight in this harsh environment, Skagway is a lawless place. But Frank Reid sees promise. He teams up with some other settlers who share his vision to create a real town from the chaos and mud. Man: Where do we get started? Well, I was a surveyor down in the lower 48. I thought maybe I could help lay out your roads. He's looking for an opportunity. And, of course, he has the skill set, which no one else has, to lay out the town. He's rewarded with a secure place amongst the leaders of Skagway. Narrator: Soon, there are primitive streets, a stable, and an inn to house some of the miners. Frank Reid's mission is now to tame this town and create law and order from the frontier chaos. He wants to be a founding father of something great. Narrator: Thus far, he's been able to keep his violent temper in check. But he's about to meet a foe who will ignite his fury and spark an epic battle for the town that soon turns deadly. One of the newer arrivals in Skagway is Jefferson Randolph Smith. He's a man on the run from his bad reputation. Jeff was the king of the frontier con men. That's what he's most well known for. Step right up. Who feels like trying their luck today? Three-card monte. Narrator: He's a slippery character, true to his nickname... Soapy Smith. You got the lucky streak in your eye. How about you step up there? Just a dollar to play, huh? This one right here. All right. I got the ace of spades. And they're dancing. They're flying. Narrator: Having just arrived in Skagway, this infamous con man keeps a low profile at first in order to scope out the town. With a history of organizing major cons and robberies all over the west, he's currently on the lam from Denver, Colorado, where he was the kingpin of a powerful crime syndicate and had been wanted for murder. There were several times where he was arrested for possibly killing people. But most of the time, it was swept under the rug. And he had enough power to get out of the charge and get out of a prison sentence. Hutton: He bought and paid for protection from the police. He had been very, very successful. Oh. Better luck next time, all right? Who's next? Step right up! Narrator: But when Soapy's corrupt ways finally get him run out of Denver, he's forced to find somewhere new. When he hears of the Gold Rush in Alaska, he arrives in Skagway with a singular mission... Take this town for all it's worth. As he always does in a new place, Soapy finds some accomplices and sets up shop by opening a saloon. The legend has it that Soapy arrived and right away began working the machinery behind the scenes, as he had done in all of his others towns, setting up the gang and setting up his various establishments. Narrator: The saloon has gambling tables, whiskey flowing around the clock, and ladies of the night. In this den of sin, Soapy and his gang run their scams and robberies. Soapy is about con operations, and he's about pickpockets and stealing people's money when they're in bed with a prostitute. This is the way he makes his money. And, of course, he's running crooked card games. Narrator: With all this debauchery and theft and the unsavory characters who come with it, crime and violence begin to emerge in this small frontier town. [Gun cocks, gunshot] Hutton: For Frank Reid and others who had come into Skagway hoping to establish something good, Soapy Smith was an incredible threat. Narrator: As legend has it, after hearing rumors of Smith's illegal ventures, Reid stops by Soapy's saloon to confront him. And he seethes with anger over the depravity he discovers inside. Whoa! When Reid sees a drunk causing trouble at the bar, he snaps... Get the hell out of here. ... and throws the scoundrel out. Reid's focus quickly turns to Soapy, the criminal who threatens to destroy Skagway. Reid thought that Jefferson Randolph Smith was a scourge on the community, that he was bad for business, that they didn't need to have his kind around. Narrator: Soapy knows Frank Reid is one of the town pioneers who stands for law and order, so he expected this visit would come eventually. But he doesn't like anyone putting a hand on his customers. I appreciate you trying to protect my place. But I don't mind a guy getting drunk. That's sort of the idea of the business. I want to see this place get built up, not torn down by a bunch of drunks. They weren't immediately hostile to each other, but they certainly weren't friendly, either. And so there's a tension. Narrator: Soapy tries to determine how much of a threat this lawman might be. Soapy: So, what brings you up here? You ain't out hunting for gold in the fields. You aiming to stick around, settle down? It's the wrong place for that. I intend to stick around. Narrator: The men part ways, but both can see it's only a matter of time before the two collide. Hites: Frank Reid was trying to find an opportunity, trying to get Skagway built. Soapy just wanted to continue the old ways. Narrator: Soapy knows that Frank Reid could pose some serious problems for him. Reid is dedicated to shutting down Soapy's illegal operations to prevent Skagway from falling into corruption and lawlessness like so many other old west towns had in the wake of the civil war. Reid had traveled all over the west to boom towns before. He knew the kind of people that lived there. And, of course, the arrival of Soapy Smith was just a nightmare. Here is exactly the sort of con artist that had been run out of all sorts of towns. He's the last thing that they wanted in Skagway. Narrator: Determined to rid the town of gambling and thievery, Reid meets with the other founding fathers to sound the alarm and get organized. The group said, "Okay. We're gonna take on the job of trying to keep some semblance of civilization here." Narrator: In this distant frontier town with no police force or militia, the men band together with one goal in mind... to establish law and order in Skagway. I'm here to propose Skagway is kept a safe city. Hear, hear. Somebody's got to keep order. The pioneers of Skagway have to make their own government and their own rule. I propose that we form a committee to deal with some of the welfare issues of this city. Narrator: The group calls itself "The Committee of 101," named after the many members who joined the cause. For the Committee of 101, for Frank Reid, it's all about power, and it's all about money. We have a real opportunity here to become very, very wealthy. But to have money, you've got to have decency and safety and law and order. Let's make Skagway into the jeweled city of the northwest. Narrator: But the new Committee of 101 knows there's one thing standing directly in their way... Soapy and his gang of thieves. They couldn't do much about it at that point. It was too early on. Narrator: As a first order of business, a U.S. marshal is appointed. But deep down, Reid knows he may have to personally step in to keep Soapy in line. There's no question that Frank Reid is one of the few men in town with a real reputation. He certainly is one of the few men in town who everyone knew had killed someone. Narrator: Meanwhile, Soapy Smith is busy quietly building his criminal empire. He has already won over the more corruptible merchants in town to support his cons, promising he'll never fleece a local, just the miners passing through. Some merchants were behind him. As long as they weren't a part of the actual cons, they could look the other way and just profit from it. Soon, hundreds of men are on his payroll. And Soapy, ever the smooth talker, starts winning over the rest of the town, as well. Hutton: He's such a charmer, he's soon got everybody in his pocket. Some of them are in his pocket 'cause he's filling their pockets. But a lot of folks are just won over by this guy. He's so charming. Narrator: Soapy Smith and his criminal soap gang have big plans for Skagway. And he's not gonna let Frank Reid stop him. The battle for Skagway will soon be fought and will end in blood. [Gunshot] Narrator: It's 1897. In the wild frontier town of Skagway, Alaska, Frank Reid and other citizens have formed a committee to maintain the law. These men want to build a community, and they want to make money. But to have money, you've got to have law and order. Narrator: Standing in Frank Reid's way is con artist Soapy Smith and his criminal soap gang. His method of making money is by scamming the miners who come through town. His newest business is a telegraph company to take advantage of lonely miners trying to reach loved ones back home. I'd like to send a telegram to my wife. Of course. Go in, "want to send a telegram." The telegrapher would write down your message and then hammer out your message right there on the wire. Louise, I arrived at this here place safe. So people would come in. They'd pay $5 and send a telegram. But, of course, it was all fake. Hites: There were no telegraph wires strung to Skagway in 1897. Okay. That'll be $5. Thank you, sir. Narrator: The money is rolling in. And this is just one of Soapy's scams. When Frank Reid hears rumors about Soapy's growing criminal enterprise, he's furious. Hites: If word gets out that Skagway is a dangerous place to bring your gold out through, all the gold for the entire Klondike is gonna go out through other port cities. Skagway will be destroyed economically. Narrator: According to legend, Reid decides to confront Soapy about his scams. But he has to be careful. Soapy's goons are everywhere. And Reid doesn't want his bad temper to get the best of him. You know, I don't begrudge a man for making a buck. But I don't like the way you're going about it. I'm not hurting anybody in this town. Me and my boys are only fleecing money off of these miners on their way out to the Klondike. Now, some of those boys don't even know how to survive out there anyways. I'm saving their lives. Narrator: Reid warns him, the Committee of 101 will no longer tolerate Soapy's scams. Hutton: Reid and his friends were determined to shut down Soapy's operations. You know, this little problem of yours will go away real quick if you just look the other way. Hutton: One of the ways you survived on the frontier as long as Frank Reid had is you don't allow people to push you around. I can't do that. Narrator: But Soapy won't be pushed around either. There's only one man in Alaska who can get me if I'm ever got. You'll be the man to do it. I know. Narrator: Soapy knows his interests are directly threatened by Reid and his committee. And he's not prepared to let that happen. So he recruits some of Skagway's roughest elements to be bodyguards. And he starts to carry around his own formidable weapon wherever he goes... an 1892 Winchester rifle. Spangenberger: This 1892 Winchester was a handy gun and certainly good as a man killer. Narrator: But tough guy Frank Reid remains unafraid. Everyone can feel a confrontation is coming. And, soon enough, it does. It starts with one of Soapy's men, a bartender in a popular saloon. It was a bartender by the name of John Fay and a patron who was drunk and angry that he had lost some money in the saloon. And he complained. Hey, bartender, I said I want my change. Narrator: John Fay has allegedly pocketed the drunk customer's change. It's one of Soapy's common scams. It was done, usually, to people passing through. But it wasn't done often to people who were locals or local working men because it brought on bad business. Fay: You ain't getting nothing back. Had enough of your damn... get the hell out of here. I'm... I'm coming back! Fay says, "you do that, I'm gonna shoot you when you come back in," and threw him out of the saloon. Narrator: Undeterred, the drunk patron runs to get help outside the bar. And he runs into, by chance, deputy Marshal Rowan going by him in the streets. Narrator: The marshal agrees to go back with him to the bar to settle the dispute. Hites: They go back into the saloon. As they go through the door, Fay shoots both of them. [Gunshots] [Woman screams] McGrath is dead instantly. And Rowan, the deputy marshal, is taken off to Doc Moore's office, where they lay him down. He dies there. Narrator: John Fay, one of Soapy's men, has now killed the deputy marshal and another Skagway citizen. The gunman runs to Soapy for help. Fay ran to him for protection. Now, Soapy, being the fixer, he grabbed Fay and hid him. [SCENE_BREAK] Narrator: News of the killings circulates through town and reaches the Committee of 101. There's been a shooting at the people's saloon. John Fay killed two men, and one of them was Marshal Rowan. Let's go! Yeah. Come on. Narrator: Enraged, the Committee of 101 knows that the time has come to take a stand against these criminals and is determined to find justice for the innocent men shot down in cold blood. This is the first time since his new life in Skagway that Reid risks showing flashes of the temper that could lead to murder. The noose is grabbed. [All shouting indistinctly] But Soapy isn't about to let one of his men get taken by this mob. He's gonna show his rival, Frank Reid, that he won't give up control of the town without a fight. Narrator: It's January 1898. In Skagway, Alaska, a lawless gold-rush town on the verge of chaos, John Fay, an associate of criminal boss Soapy Smith, has killed two men... [Gunshots] ... in cold blood. Fay shot both men dead. Now, there was a mob, and they were hungry for revenge. Narrator: Furious, the Committee of 101 rallies to seek justice for the murdered citizens. This could be their shot to take down Soapy, the criminal boss of Skagway. But Soapy Smith isn't about to let the committee get one of his men. Soapy, of course, got John Fay and had him protected by some of his friends. It's time we take the law into our own hands, gentlemen. You're a bunch of cowardly, rope-pulling sons of bitches. Hites: As legend has it, Soapy literally stands in front of the angry crowd and says, you know, "if anybody tries to get to Fay, they got to come through me." Narrator: The standoff represents two very different men... One on the side of law and order, the other, crime and corruption. Bring Fay out here, Soapy. You're protecting a murderer. He killed two men in cold blood and one, the only lawman in this town. [All shouting indistinctly] Narrator: Soapy can see he's outnumbered, so he tries a different tack... his gift for persuasion. Put that rope down, Reid. We hold to the law here, not vigilante justice. No lynching is gonna go on here tonight. Not many people can talk down a violent mob, one that wants to hang. But Soapy was so good at talking his way out of problems. Narrator: He convinces the crowd that he is the one who is standing up for the law and a fair trial, and that the Committee of 101 is nothing but a group of reckless vigilantes. Hutton: Soapy's pretending to be a law-and-order man when, of course, he's leading the outlaws. It's so frustrating for Reid, who sees Soapy for what he is. And yet, Soapy wins over everybody. Go home, now. I'll make sure Fay doesn't go anywheres until the law gets here. Narrator: For Frank Reid, it's a humiliating defeat. Spangenberger: The vigilantes and Frank Reid, I'm sure they thought, "Okay, boys. This is our chance. Now we can get rid of Soapy." But it didn't work. And I'm sure they were very angry. Narrator: To make matters worse, in the days following, Soapy plays up the role of town hero. And many townspeople are won over despite the fact that Soapy is protecting a murderer. The con man uses his deep pockets to win over more support. He helped start churches and helped people in need. If somebody was sick or in trouble, he would help them out. Narrator: But Soapy's public good deeds can't mask what Reid knows is really going on in Skagway. Crime and violence is spiraling out of control. Haydn: Skagway had become so notorious as a place where people got clipped of all their money that they didn't want to even go into the town. Narrator: On March 7th, 1898, a young miner named Peter Clancy Bean is ambushed on a road outside Skagway. The same day, Skagway records a shocking 12 robberies. Hites: As the story goes, Skagway was a wicked place little better than Hell on earth, probably the roughest place in the world. [Woman screams] Narrator: Reid blames Soapy and his goons for it all. Everything that he fought for is being destroyed. And he's being played for the fool. It's no longer enough to try and stop Soapy from pulling his scams in town. Now he wants the con man gone from Skagway for good. The day after the murder, the committee posts a public warning that all bunco and sure-thing men best leave town. Hites: Warning... All con men and other objectionable characters are hereby notified to leave Skagway on the White Pass road immediately. Narrator: There is only one objectionable character the Frank and the committee are after... Soapy Smith. This broadside was literally published and nailed around town overnight. Narrator: But Soapy is undeterred. Hites: He responded with a flyer that said to the Committee of 101, "no vigilantes will be tolerated in this town," signed, "The Law and Order Committee of 317." 317 was the address of his saloon. [Laughs] It was a joke. It was a response immediately showing what contempt Jeff Smith held the public safety committee. Narrator: Frank Reid has had enough. We're gonna run you and your gang out of this town. I wager you won't. I got this whole town behind me. You and your vigilantes ain't running me anywhere. It's just a matter of time, Soapy. Narrator: Reid reportedly makes it clear that if Soapy won't leave on his own, the committee will gather every good man they can and force him out. The battle lines are drawn. And Reid is planning his line of attack. Soapy realizes just how big the stakes are. This is his future in Skagway. If Frank Reid and his men are gathering a mob, he'll do them one better. He'll raise an army. It so happens that, on February 15th, 1898, an American warship patrolling international waters is bombed off the coast of Cuba. In response, President William McKinley calls for military volunteers. Soapy uses this international incident over 3,000 miles away as a front to raise a militia. Hites: He puts up the sign... Skagway Recruiting Office. This is where you sign up to become a member of the potential military unit that would be able to be offered up to the secretary of war. I don't suppose that Jeff Smith was caught up in patriotic fervor. This was part of his attempt to create his own group of soldiers. Hites: This was a way to have the town going, "My gosh. This guy has got an army." Narrator: The blood feud has taken a dangerous turn. Soapy Smith now has his own militia. For these two men, this is war. [Man shouting indistinctly] At stake, the control of Skagway and their lives. Narrator: It's 1898. There's a battle brewing over control of one of America's last frontier towns... Skagway, Alaska, on the edge of the Klondike. Hutton: Skagway is the entrée to the gold fields. Control Skagway, and you control the wealth of the Yukon. Narrator: Con artist Soapy Smith has just recruited a militia to protect his criminal operations in town. And so Frank Reid and the Committee of 101 rethink their plan to drive Soapy out of Skagway by force. The committee was definitely threatened by Soapy's Skagway military company. He's got all these guys in his little private army. The legend grows from there, that Soapy was the dictator of the town. It would've been extremely frustrating if you were Frank Reid. That could not have possibly set well with him. Narrator: The committee is gonna have to wait for the right moment but will need to act quickly to save Skagway from certain doom. Stories were being published in newspapers in New York, Chicago, Seattle, and San Francisco. And it was scaring the miners from going through Skagway. Narrator: With the militia behind him, Soapy rules Skagway, confident that his rival, Reid, isn't capable of stopping him. Smith: Soapy had his hand in every pie, in every political circle, in every church, in every school. So he had Skagway wrapped around his finger. To show off his influence, Soapy has a grand idea. On July 4th, 1898, the town sees Soapy in his full glory. Smith: It was huge for Skagway. Every building, he made sure had flags all around town. His gang went up in the hills and set off dynamite. And it echoed for miles all through the trails of the White Pass. Soapy appoints himself the parade's grand marshal and is even dubbed the king of Skagway. [Drum roll] He was applauded by everybody as he walked down the street. People shook his hand, ladies waved. Narrator: Soapy is at the peak of his power. The town of Skagway is under his thumb. And Frank Reid and the committee are seething. But his fortunes are about to change because there's something in the Yukon more powerful than even Soapy Smith. Samuel Graves, President of the White Pass and Yukon Railway, is an enormously powerful man. And he wants to build through Skagway. By bringing trade and prosperity, the railroad represents all of Reid's hopes for the future and also an opportunity to win the feud. Smith: Frank Reid and the vigilantes saw a position that they had to get rid of Soapy. Narrator: Graves must make sure his investment is sound. And he vows to work behind the scenes with the committee to oust Soapy Smith, the man giving Skagway a bad name. Together, they start to convince townspeople just how damaging for business the con man is. Smith: They had to get the merchants riled up because the merchants were behind Soapy. They started passing around, "This is bad for us, guys. No one's gonna come through Skagway." These are the people that are in charge of the import/export business and shipping companies. So these are people that have a vision of the future and eventually are going to establish a railroad as part of a new Alaska. Narrator: Word begins to spread that Soapy's criminal exploits could do lasting damage to Skagway and lose them the railroad. The tide starts to turn against Soapy Smith. Soapy's popularity started waning. New lines were drawn in Skagway. And people were forced to choose a side. You can't do the kind of things that Soapy did in the cold, hard light of day and get away with it for very long. But history had yet another final chapter to play. Narrator: A chapter that starts the clock on the last battle between Frank Reid and Soapy Smith. July 8th, 1898. A miner named J.D. Stewart comes down to Skagway from the gold fields. He had come out with a poke of about $2,600 in gold nuggets. Hutton: One of Soapy's minions directed him toward Soapy's saloon. And there, of course, he engaged in games of chance. Hites: He looks like the kind of guy who would walk into the saloon and go, "Hi, I just made $1 million in the Yukon, and I'm ready to get plucked." And that's exactly what happened. Narrator: As the story goes, at first, Soapy's men just cheat Stewart at the card table. But it doesn't end there. They know there's still more gold for the taking. In the back of Soapy's saloon, they jump the drunk miner and rob him of the rest of his gold. They wanted it all. They got greedy. [Grunting] Narrator: The distressed miner then runs out of the bar, desperate to find help and justice. He ran down the street, screaming. He was robbed. He was robbed. No one paid attention to him. He went to the deputy U.S. marshal, who was also under Soapy's pay. Hutton: The marshal was bought off by Soapy. He was Soapy's man. Well, then, he went all around town, and he loudly complained about this situation. It reached the Committee of 101. Narrator: When Reid hears what's happened, something inside him snaps. This crime is no different than countless others Soapy's gang has pulled before. But today, the committee draws a line in the sand. They decided this was the last straw. Narrator: Committee members approach Soapy and demand the money be returned. Soapy is having none of it. Hites: He says, "Stewart lost his money in a fair game. He's not getting it back. I'm keeping the gold. You know, that's it. I stand by the boys." And that's the end of the conversation. Narrator: Committee members ride to another settlement to enlist the district's newly appointed U.S. commissioner, Judge Sehlbrede. Smith: The commissioner looked at them and said, "if I deputize you and order you to arrest Soapy and his men or bring them in, dead or alive, will you do it?" And they all answered "yes." And that statement guaranteed bloodshed in Skagway. Narrator: Soapy is issued an ultimatum... Return the gold to miner by 4:00 P.M., or there will be repercussions. Soapy knows he doesn't have the town support he once did. For the first time, he starts to take the committee's threats seriously. And he doesn't respond well. He started drinking. And there was a point that he did not have his wits about him anymore, and he wasn't thinking rationally. And he was threatening people. Narrator: As the clock ticks down, he focuses his rage on one man... Frank Reid. Smith: Soapy blamed Reid for much of the problems that were going on. Narrator: The deadline set for returning the gold comes and goes. Soapy keeps drinking. Hites: It was very, very out of character for him. It indicated that he was cornered. He didn't have options. He didn't have a solution, didn't know what to do. The four hours ran out. The committee decided to hold a meeting to try to determine what to do about the stolen gold. So they decided to gather on the Juneau wharf. Narrator: Soapy grabs his Winchester and heads to the wharf. At that moment, the curtain essentially opens up on the last act. Narrator: With whiskey courage, Soapy's not afraid of anyone. And he's ready to put up a fight to keep control of the town. But one man is standing in his way. Hites: There's no question that, when the two men were face-to-face, the anger, the bitterness, came to a head. Narrator: July 8th, 1898, in Alaska. Frank Reid and the Committee of 101 are holding a clandestine meeting at the Juneau wharf to plan how to get rid of con man Soapy and his gang once and for all. Hites: Frank Reid volunteered to protect the entrance to the dock so that, that way, none of Smith's men would be able to get in, infiltrate the meeting, and disrupt it. Narrator: Sure enough, Soapy has heard about the meeting and is on his way. Spangenberger: His temper took over him. He went storming down with an 1892 Winchester .44-40 over his shoulder. Narrator: Jesse Murphy, appointed guard by the White Pss and Yukon Railway, is one of the first to see a drunken Soapy arrive at the pier. Halt. You can't pass here. Spying Reid, Soapy barrels toward his Nemesis, his rage exploding to the surface. Soapy approaches Frank Reid. Almost like magnets, they're pulled to each other. Hites: Reid saw Soapy approaching, and Reid challenged him. "Smith, you can't come down here." Go on home, now, Soapy. You got no business here. Get the hell out of my way, Frank. I should've gotten rid of you months ago. You're drunk. You stupid son of a bitch. You and your committee ain't nothing but a bunch of vigilantes. You can't stop me. Soapy pulled the Winchester from him shoulder. And Reid threw his arm up. Narrator: Reid grabs Soapy's Winchester to block it and, at the same time, reaches for his revolver. Don't shoot. Spangenberger: And then Reid pulled his Smith & Wesson revolver and fired point-blank at Soapy. [Gun clicks] Narrator: The gun misfires. Reid has one more chance. Well, Reid pulls the second time, trying to get another round into the chamber. And this time, both men fire at the same time. [Both grunt] Soapy was able to shoot Frank Reid in the groin. Reid dropped to the ground. He was all doubled over. Narrator: After the earlier misfire, Reid makes his second shot count. It hit Soapy in the arm. Narrator: Two more shots ring out, each foe hitting the other in the leg. With both men down, Jesse Murphy charges the wounded Soapy. Hites: Murphy reaches over and grabs the rifle, wrenching it from Soapy's hands. He pulls the trigger. And the bullet goes right through Smith's heart. Spangenberger: Soapy could have easily survived the wound in the arm and the side had Jesse Murphy not come up and shot him in the heart. Narrator: As Soapy's body lies lifeless on the pier, his blood drips into the sea. Jesse rushes the severely wounded Reid to a doctor. And news spreads to the soap gang that their leader is dead. With Soapy gone, Skagway is now completely behind Frank Reid and the committee. And the soap gang knows it. Hites: They're outnumbered. The gang quits and runs for the hills. That ends the Soapy Smith gang in Skagway. Narrator: And so Jeff "Soapy" Smith, the most notorious con man in the west, meets his end on a wharf near Skagway, Alaska. The confrontation between Frank Reid and Soapy Smith is one of the last gunfights in the history of the American west. Narrator: Soapy's funeral is a lonely affair. The town has turned against him. Smith: Soapy was so well-hated after he was killed that they would not bury him inside cemetery limits. He was actually buried about 10 feet outside the cemetery. Narrator: Although Frank Reid wasn't the one who finally pulled the trigger, the town wants a hero and gives credit for the killing to the man who has just taken a bullet for Skagway. Frank Reid lives 12 more days but then dies from his gunshot wounds. He's given a hero's burial and is proclaimed the savior of Skagway. Spangenberger: Frank Reid, they liked him. And the town actually mourned his loss. He had a pretty big funeral procession. Hutton: They make him into the martyr to the building of the community of Skagway. He becomes sort of the town-taming lawman, even though he didn't wear a badge, that takes down the outlaw gang, Soapy Smith, and the men who had controlled Skagway. Narrator: Though Reid dies, his dream of one day putting the small tent city of Skagway on the map comes true. The White Pass and Yukon Railway opens in July 1900, two years after Reid's death. It's still running today and has been a boon for business and trade. Spangenberger: The shootout on Juneau wharf was a lose-lose situation, quite honestly, for both of the participants. However, the town of Skagway came out as the winners because they got rid of Soapy Smith, who they wanted to get rid of. Narrator: But it seems that, in death, Soapy gets the best of Frank Reid one last time. Despite the fact that Frank Reid is buried a hero, it's Soapy who's remembered in the history books. Soapy's legend has grown to that of a mythic figure whose legacy lives on in movies, novels, and annual Soapy wakes. I think people celebrate Soapy because he was a colorful man. He was a charming, likable scalawag. Narrator: Some even romanticize him as a modern-day Robin Hood, stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, leaving the lesser-known Frank Reid to be remembered for his small part in Soapy's story. Hutton: Frank Reid wins his battle, pays for it with his life. But he doesn't win the battle in history. It's Soapy Smith that's remembered, not Frank Reid. Reid is only attached to the fact that he killed Soapy Smith. And so he becomes part of Soapy Smith's story. And the story of Frank Reid is... is lost to the mists of history, the mists that shroud Skagway still today.

Legendary con artist Jefferson ``Soapy'' Smith and his loyal Soap Gang are pitted against vigilante Frank Reid and the Committee of 101 in a battle to bring justice to the lawless Alaskan frontier.

fd_Tyrant_01x05

fd_Tyrant_01x05_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Ihab: This act will be remembered as the first great act of defiance. (crowd chanting) Jamal: Ihab Rashid is behind all this. Samira: I'm done wishing for change. I am making it happen. Jamal: The wedding night is very special. It's important to be pure. Molly: It's not safe for you to be there. Barry: It's not safe for anyone there. (thumping) Jamal: Run them down! Leila: Go! Jamal: Tomorrow, there will be only pigeons in the square. Barry: What is it you want me to do? Fauzi: I want you to get your hands dirty, to go against your family. Barry: I asked Fauzi Nidal to set up a meeting with Ihab Rashid. Jamal: The man who would have all our heads? Barry: You can go down in history as one more brutal dictator, or you can be remembered as the leader who had the courage to listen to his people. Who do you want to be? Ihab: Jamal has asked me to gather you, the leaders of the various factions who fill the Plaza, to meet with his American brother. This is the second time the Palace has come to me. The agitation in the Plaza, the galvanizing of the people, ooh, has them running scared. It's poker. Right now we have the winning hand. Why negotiate? Hmm? Nobody negotiated with Mubarak. No, no, no, no, no, no. When this Amriki walks in, I'm going to tell him exactly what it will take for us to clear the Plaza: his brother's resignation. Jamal Al Fayeed... he can, uh, take his blood money, go to... go to Paris. (laughter) Or go to London. Spend the rest of his days writing his memoirs. Farah: But what if he's actually willing to offer us something? Ihab: No. His father betrayed my father. I'm not about to let him do the same thing to me. The only offer we will take is for Jamal Al Fayeed to leave Abbudin. Fauzi: You sure about this? Barry: I'm sure of one thing. A narcissist with a messiah complex is not about to negotiate with me. Look, I'm betting Ihab told everyone in earshot that an Al Fayeed asked to sit down with him. He said yes so quickly, 'cause he wants to tell me where to go in front of an audience, but now he's gonna have to explain why he's sitting at the table alone. For my plan to work, I have to take him down a notch. Make the call. Samira: Father, where are you? Everyone's here, and they're... Okay. Okay. It's my father. Ihab: You are late. What do you mean you are not coming?! That is bullshit! (chuckles) (engine stops) (Barry sighs) Barry: Thank you, my friend. Fauzi: You know, I'm worried for you, Bassam. Barry: (chuckles) Been a while since anyone called me that. Fauzi: You know this game you're playing, it's a dangerous game. Barry: I don't see another option. I have to clear the Plaza before Tariq does. John: The garage meet. Classic. This is insane. Why set a meet with Ihab so you can stand him up? Barry: Ihab's having his moment. He was never gonna bargain. So I had to take the wind out of his sails. Ihab's a boy. I want to see his father, the man who almost made peace with my father. I was here, Tucker, okay? I saw it. The people adored him. I need an hour with Sheik Rashid. John: So, you want to use Sheik Rashid to do an end run around Ihab? I mean, what... what happened to the nice family doctor from Pasadena? Barry: Don't screw me around, John. The U.S. brokered Sheik Rashid's asylum 20 years ago. I need to talk to him, and you know where he is. John: Does your brother even know you're here? Barry: I didn't say anything, because he'd never give me this much rope. John: Well, if you want to hang yourself with it, be my guest. Don't expect me to build the gallows. Barry: Tucker, I'm just trying to keep America's ass from landing on the wrong side of history. John: Uh-huh. Which doesn't involve turning you into another Daniel Pearl. My job is to protect American citizens, not serve them up. You end up dead in the desert in a trail that leads back to the U.S. Embassy... Barry: What do you want? In return, what do you want? An inside seat? A heads up on what's happening as it happens? (John sighs) John: Are you offering to spy on your brother? Barry: I have 24 hours. You have less. Tariq: I need to speak to the president. Secretary: Uh... But he-he isn't... Shall I leave him a, um, message? Leila: Who drowned your puppy? Tariq: Have you seen your husband? Leila: I'm not his keeper. Tariq: At least tell me why he ordered me to stand down. I was about to send two brigades to the Plaza, and all of a sudden, he changes his mind with no explanation. He won't take my calls. He's cancelled his meetings for the day. Leila: The president isn't required to consult with his wife on every decision he makes. Tariq: But as his wife, you should know. If Jamal isn't prepared to defend the regime, there are others who will. Leila: I hope, for your sake, you're not threatening my husband. Tariq: On the contrary, I'm trying to protect him. (crowd clamoring over video) (rapid gunfire over video) Ihab: Now these Al Fayeeds, they want to give us platitudes. Leila: He's a parrot. His mouth moves, but other people's words come out. La Boétie, Guevara and his father, the Sheik. Ihab: As men and women of... Leila: But you, you are in the position to make your own history. Jamal: Start with a compliment, end with an ask. What do you want? Leila: Yesterday in the Plaza, they nearly killed you. Jamal: You exaggerate. Leila: No, I was there, Jamal. Three weeks, and the people are already questioning your leadership. Now is the time to be firm, to show them that you are in control. Why are you holding back Tariq? Jamal: Why? For you. Leila: For me? Jamal: If I move against the Plaza, ten times as many will rise up against me, against my family. This is certain, Leila. So what do I do? I wait until tomorrow. Maybe these clouds will bring a storm. Or maybe something will happen to clear them. Leila: Is this you talking? Or is it Bassam? Maybe Ihab is not the only parrot in this country. Jamal: Don't make the mistake of getting between me and my brother. Molly: Reema, what are you doing? Reema: I was just straightening up. Molly: Hold on. Let me see what's in your pocket. Reema: I'll be in the servants' quarters until the police arrive. Molly: Just wait. First tell me why you need Vicodin. Reema: Not me. My brother Salam. Molly: What's wrong with him? Reema... Reema: He broke his arm. He was fixing the roof and he fell. Molly: Well, if his arm is broken, he needs a doctor to set it. You have to take him to the hospital. Reema: No hospital. Molly: Why not? Reema: Please, ma'am. Molly: Okay, tell you what... You take me to see your brother, and this stays between us. Reema: You will tell no one? Molly: No. Ahmed: Where's the fire? Nusrat: You smell like tequila. I have to help your grandma with seating arrangements, okay? Ahmed: Baby, it's been a month and we still haven't... I didn't get married to take care of my own needs! (door slams) Jamal: Mother, this is really beautiful. Amira: Not nearly as beautiful as your daughter-in-law. Jamal: Yes, Ahmed is a lucky man. Is this my grandson I feel in there? Bassam is waiting for me. Amira: Your father would be so happy to see his two sons working together like this. Jamal: He would have been. Amira: Are you all right, Nusrat? The ambassador is deaf in his left ear, so I'm going to put you on his right side. Jamal: So... when am I sitting down with this asshole? Barry: I'm still working out the details. Jamal: What details? He shows up when and where we say! Barry: Yeah, it's not... it's not quite as simple as that. Jamal: It is simple. Who's the president, me or him? (groans) What aren't you telling me? Barry: Nothing. He's just, uh... the guy's playing hard to get. Jamal: Hard to get? Maybe he will play nicer with electrodes on his balls. Barry: Can you please just give me a little more time? Jamal: How much time do you think I have? I've already got Leila crawling up my ass. While you are out buying flowers for this shitball, I'm starting to look like some pussy who can't pull the trigger. Barry: Jamal, I'm working on it. Jamal: Working on it? Well, stop working on it and get it done. (crowd clamoring) Ihab: Abbudin! Crowd: Abbudin! Ihab: He humiliated me. Mohammed: Relax, relax. Ihab: No, no, no, no, no! I'm not going to relax. He can't do this. It makes me look like a fool. That was the point, wasn't it? Mohammed: Take the mic, paint him as the liar he is! Ihab: Oh, and look like a child who dropped his ice cream, huh? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What is the game he's playing? Samira: Same game as you are. You were only there to tell him off to his face. Ihab: You... you knew all along Bassam was going to blow me off. Samira: What?! No! No! Ihab: You set the location, set the time. Samira: Ihab, stop! You're letting your anger get the best of you at a time when the people need your leadership. People are trusting you with their lives. People I know! My friends! Ihab: You don't think I know that, little girl? Hmm? I am not here by accident. Crowd (chanting): Free Abbudin! Free Abbudin! Free Abbudin! Free Abbudin! Ihab: Abbudin! Barry: Jamal's given me 24 hours to see if I can clear the Plaza peacefully. Molly: What are you gonna do? Barry: Tucker is reaching out to Ihab's father, the Sheik, to try and arrange a meeting. Before my father launched the attack on Ma'an, he and the Sheik sat down for peace talks. Rashid was prepared to negotiate a peaceful solution. Molly: Yeah, and then he bombed the Palace. Barry: An army barracks. And it was his followers, not him. Look, 20 years ago, Rashid was prepared to negotiate with my father. Despite what happened, me sitting down with him now is the only hope we have to stop this blowing up in our faces. Molly: Who's going with you? Barry: I don't know all the details yet, okay? Tucker's gonna call me back. Until then, I'm going to go for a run, okay? Molly: So it's a suicide mission. Barry: That's blowing it out of proportion. And Molly, really, I don't have another choice here. Molly: Of course you have another choice. You also have two kids and a wife. I mean... you're gonna get yourself killed, Barry. Barry: Honey, we're not at home listening to this on NPR, we're in it. And I can do something my father couldn't... I can end this peacefully. Molly: That's Jamal's job, not yours. Why are you putting your life on this line for this? Barry: 'Cause my name's not Smith or Jones! (Molly scoffs) Molly: If I didn't know you better, I'd say you were starting to get off on this. Ahmed: Hakim, I know Nusrat is here. Hakim: Now is not a good time. She's upset. Ahmed: Which is why she should be with her husband and not run to her parents like a child! We had a thing this morning, now she's not returning my calls. Hakim: I swear I'll talk sense into her. You have my word. Do have any idea what position you are putting our family in? Everything we have, it's all from Al Fayeeds! Nusrat: I want a divorce. Hakim: Don't be stupid. Why did you agree to marry Ahmed if you don't love him? Sofia: Tell him. Hakim: Tell me what? Tell me what? Nusrat: It's not Ahmed. It's Jamal. (phone vibrating) Barry: Yeah. John: Barry, it's Tucker. The person you wanted me to reach out to agreed to meet. Barry: Okay. I'll go back and tell Molly... John: You can call Molly from the road. I'm about to jump in the car. Meet me outside the gate. Barry: I'm on my way. All right, guys, that's it for the day. [SCENE_BREAK] John: Thank you for arranging this meeting with your father. Namir Rashid... Bassam Al Fayeed. Namir: Okay, come with me. Oh, no, no... you stay here. John: No, no, no, no, that wasn't the arrangement. Namir: I told my father we should kill him right here, but this is his wish. Turn around, Al Fayeed. Barry: It's okay. Namir: Do it. Ihab (recorded): When this, uh, Amriki walks in here, I'm going to tell him exactly what it will take for us to clear the Plaza: his brother's resignation. Tariq: Our security forces track Ihab Rashid's movements. Imagine their surprise and my embarrassment upon learning he was meeting with your brother. Jamal: Bassam is working for me. He is meeting Ihab Rashid on my orders. Tariq: Bassam's been nowhere near Ihab in the last 24 hours. Jamal: That is wrong. That is wrong! I spoke to Bassam right after their meeting. He looked me in the eyes and told me they are ironing out details. Tariq: Then he lied to you! He's had no contact with Ihab. As a matter of fact, Bassam ditched his security. He is nowhere to be found. Leila: This is why you refuse to clear the Plaza? Bassam... doesn't keep his promises. Jamal: How the hell would you know? Barry (recorded): Hi, you've reached Barry Al Fayeed. Please leave your name and... Tariq: Sir, at least allow me to move my forces into position. (Jamal sighs) Jamal: Fine. But they stand down until I give the order. (coughing) Sheik Rashid: My lungs... (clears throat) A souvenir of the day your father gassed Ma'an. You met my son, Namir. Barry: Yeah, he, uh... he drove me from the border. The hood kind of limited the conversation. Sheik Rashid: You understand our precautions. Barry: Yes. Sheik Rashid: I have always been curious about Khaled's American son. (gunshot) Man: Death to the Al Fayeed! (grunts) Death to the Al Fayeed! Death to the Al Fayeeds! Sheik Rashid: I apologize for his actions, but his anger is understandable. His family was wiped out by yours. Bassam Al Fayeed, yesterday you were my enemy, but today you are my guest. Barry: Sheik Rashid, I need to talk to you about... Sheik Rashid: That's not the way it's done. First, we eat. Hakim: Mr. President, you are too kind, taking time away from important issues of state to deal with a personal matter. Leila: To what do we owe this pleasure? Hakim: Marriage... it's a complicated proposition, and Nusrat has always been... fragile. Overly emotional. My wife and I are to blame. We coddled her. Jamal: Cut to the chase. Hakim: We ask for nothing, just a quick and quiet dissolution of the marriage. Leila: Divorce? On what grounds? Tell me, Hakim. We have welcomed your daughter to this family as one of our own. Ahmed is my son. I demand to know what this is about. Hakim: Please, ma'am, are the details really important? (Jamal groans) Jamal: Will you wait for me outside? Hakim: Sure. (door closes) Jamal: I will fix this. Leila: You'd better. We can't afford another humiliation. Jamal: I said I will fix this. (gunshot) Your turn. Hakim: I'm no match for you. Jamal (chuckles): Yeah. That's true. So, tell me, Hakim, what is this nonsense about a divorce? Your daughter has everything a woman could want. Why you don't talk sense to her? Hakim: Believe me, Mr. President, I have tried. Jamal: "Tried." Well, not hard enough. My father gave you the telecommunication franchise in this country. Now, your family has everything it has because my family gave it to you. Hakim: And I'm forever in your debt. Jamal: Then act like it. Hakim: Please, I beg you. There is no talking sense with a sleepwalker. She's in a doctor's care. He prescribes therapy, medication. My daughter is weak, and your son did his best. Jamal: "Did his best"? Are you saying this is Ahmed's fault? Hakim: No, of course not. Jamal: Then what are you saying? What reason did she give? (chuckles) Hakim: I swear, she will go to the grave with her secret. Jamal: Tell me what she told you. Hakim: Uh, it doesn't matter. Jamal: You know what, you are right. It doesn't matter. (muffled screaming) There will be no divorce, Hakim. (Hakim groaning) Your whore of a daughter is going to crawl back into my son's bed! She will bear him children. As many as he wants. Hakim: Mr. President, please! Please, sir! (gunshot) (screaming) Molly: It's not just his arm. He fractured multiple ribs when he fell. His pulse is racing and weak. He's anxious. (sighs) Reema, with this kind of injury, he could be bleeding on the inside. It's okay, it's okay. We're gonna get you to a hospital. Reema: I said no hospital. Molly: He wasn't fixing a roof, was he? Reema: He was in the Plaza. When the president's motorcade came, people, they start pushing. He is innocent, but the camera, they saw him. If he seeks help now, they'll arrest him. Molly: He'll die if he doesn't. Reema: Better to die here than live through what they will do to him. His friends in the Plaza, they tagged a street sign with "free Abbudin" and were arrested. When their father went to the police, begged for his children, he was told to make new ones. Salam is my only family. Please, help us. Emt: What's his name? (indistinct radio transmission) Reema: Salam. Salam Halabi. Molly: Radial fracture, multiple broken ribs, suspected hemothorax from intercostal hemorrhaging. We need to throw in a chest tube. Emt: I'm sorry, but you can't take this man. He is wanted by the authorities. We have to alert the police... Molly: He'll die if you wait. Emt: Before we admit him to the hospital. Then he'll die. Molly: No, he won't. I won't let him. Emt: And who are you? Molly: Dr. Molly Al Fayeed. Emt: We were just following the law. A thousand pardons. Molly: You don't... you don't need to apologize to me. Just get him to the hospital. You know what, why don't I come with you and make sure no one else makes the same mistake. Namir: Bless Allah for protecting us and for all that we have. Sheik Rashid: Alhamdulillah. All: Alhamdulillah. Sheik Rashid: I see you are anxious to talk. Barry: Yes. Sheik Rashid: Walk with me. (Sheik Rashid coughs) You made a long trip to avoid the more obvious choice. Barry: Ihab doesn't want to talk. He wants his turn, and that's not going to happen. (Sheik Rashid laughs) Sheik Rashid: You must be worried. Otherwise, you are not here. Barry: I'm worried about the price we'll have to pay for either side to win. There's a book I-I read about apartheid in South Africa. A white man says about the blacks, "my greatest fear" "is that by the time we have come to love," "they will have come to hate." Sheik Rashid: Have you come to love? Barry: I've come to talk. You and I have more in common than anyone else in this. We're both exiled... for different reasons... by force or by choice. But we both have the advantage of an outsider's perspective. Sheik Rashid: You came back. Why? Barry: To try and keep my brother from making my father's mistakes. Finish with my brother what you started with my father. Negotiate a political solution. Sheik Rashid: This is a young man's fight. Barry: And I need an old man to be my partner. Someone who wants nothing for himself. Sheik Rashid: You think that's me? Barry: Well, I think we both have a second chance here to make this right. You and I both know history. If we don't try, then your son or my brother and so many people along with them will be consumed by this. Imprisoned, exiled... or dead within a year. Sheik Rashid: Death doesn't scare me... Bassam Al Fayeed. I've seen too much of it. (Sheik Rashid coughs) Barry: I don't believe you. w After 20 years, you're still alive. I'm a doctor. I believe that life itself is hope. And I think that you do, too. [SCENE_BREAK] John: You didn't close the deal. Barry: Thought it was going in the right direction. He... just said he needed to sleep on it. But when he woke up... John: Well, you may have failed, but, uh, the reach... It was impressive. Get in. I'll take you back to the Palace. (crowd clamoring over video) (rapid gunfire over video) Jamal: General... (sighs) Clear the Plaza. (crowd clamoring) (whistle blowing) Ihab: They're moving into the Plaza. Mohammed: After your speech, there's a van waiting for you. Samira: Ihab. So, when they start shooting, you won't be standing with the people? (whistle blowing) Crowd (chanting): Free Abbudin! Free Abbudin! (chanting, clamoring continues) (helicopter hovering overhead) Fauzi: Samira. Let's go before it's too late. Samira: I'm not leaving. Fauzi: You would die for him? Samira: Ihab may be trying to replace one tyranny with another. But the people... they won't let him. And I'm standing here with them. Fauzi: I'll stand with you. Leila: Thank you for coming. Sofia: How can you do this? You're feeding her to the wolves. Hakim: It's not like we have a choice. Sofia: She's our daughter. Amira: Hakim. What happened to you? Hakim: It's nothing. A hunting accident. Amira: And yet you're here. What one does for family. Nusrat. Leila: Beautiful as ever. It's all for you. Everything here... Is all for you. Ahmed: Nusrat. Nusrat: Everything's going to be okay. Ahmed: Come. Let's greet everyone. Nusrat: Okay. Leila: Enjoy the party. (Jamal sighs) Jamal: Look at the newlyweds. Leila: What a persuasive man. (both sighing) Barry: You were right. Why did I think I could come here and do something my father couldn't? Thank you... for putting your life on hold for me. Being here with me. Molly: I think I really needed to hear that. Crowd (chanting): Free Abbudin! Free Abbudin! Ihab: Raise your phones! Record this moment in history! As long as we have a camera, the revolution continues! (crowd cheering) And if... if we are the first martyrs to liberate Abbudin, then so be it! (crowd cheering) I stand with you, my brothers and sisters. Crowd (chanting): Free Abbudin! Ihab: I stand with you, united... united... unite... (crowd quiets) [SCENE_BREAK] (applause) Sheik Rashid: Brothers... and sisters. 20 years in exile, but I have come home. (crowd cheering) Tariq: Your brother is back. Jamal: Excuse me. Liar. You told me you were going to meet Ihab Rashid. I trusted you. You are my blood, and you betrayed me. Molly: Jamal. Jamal: No, Molly. If your husband is a traitor, I need to know. Molly: He's not a traitor. Tariq: He deceived the president. Threatened our national security. John: Mr. President. General. Uh, you need to see something. Sheik Rashid: Willing to put aside the atrocities of the past, to join our cause. I demand to sit down with president Jamal Al Fayeed. (crowd cheering) Jamal: He demands? Sheik Rashid: Free Abbudin! Crowd: Free Abbudin! Free Abbudin! Free Abbudin! (chanting continues) Barry: This is it. You can finish something our father couldn't. Pardon the Sheik and sit down with him. Tariq: This is insane. Our soldiers are in place, awaiting your order. Barry: Then stand them down. Jamal, you can end this without firing a shot. This is what you wanted. Jamal: Is it? (breathes deeply) (chanting continues over TV) General, tell your men to stand down. Tariq: But, Mr. President...

As Jamal prepares to throw down the gauntlet on the thousands of citizens gathered in the Plaza to protest his reign, Barry scrambles to put together a summit in the hopes of avoiding violence and bloodshed.

fd_Gilmore_Girls_01x02

fd_Gilmore_Girls_01x02_0

(Lorelai and Rory are sitting on the couch on the porch in front of the house. Lorelai is painting Rory's toenails red. Rory squirts whipped cream into her mouth.) Lorelai : (sarcastically) That's nice. Rory : Thank you. L : Don't move, please. R : So, Why are you insisting on doing this. L : Well, because you're going to be starting private school tomorrow. R : Yes, but I'm going to be wearing shoes. Nobody's going to see my feet. L : Okay, But everybody knows that private school girls are bad. And bad girls always wear red nail polish. (There is a lull in the conversation.) L : Are you nervous? R : About what? L : About starting Chilton. R : Well I wasn't until I heard about all those bad girls. (They both laugh.) (Lane Kim, Rory's friend runs up.) Lane : You guys! XTC. Apple Venus Volume 2. (Lorelai and Lane run into the house.) R : But you only finished half my toes! L : Who cares?! You're going to be wearing shoes anyway! (Rory rolls her eyes and goes into the house.) (Opening Sequence Starts.) (Commercials) (Shows an opening shot of the house.) (Lorelai is sleeping. Rory, dressed in her Chilton clothes, opens the door to her mom's bedroom.) R : Mom! L : (gasps) What? God! Hi. (in a whiny tone) R : What are you doing? L : Having a heart attack. R : I thought you were up. It's 7:10! L : What? R : It's 7:10. (Rory grabs her pillow.) L : Stop it! It's a quarter to six. (grabs back pillow) R : No it's not! L : Yes it is! I set the clock for a quarter to six so it's.. (Rory grabs clock and shows her the time.) L : It's 7:10! (Lorelai jumps out of bed and stumbles around, disoriented. Rory slams down clock.) R : I can't be late on my first day of school. Do you know what happens to people when they're late on their first day? (Lorelai is rummaging franticly through her dresser for clothes.) L : It's shorter? R : They're labeled 'The late girl'. L : Ohh! So dramatic. Where's the bathroom? (Rory takes her by the shoulders and steers her through the door.) R : We have to go! What if there's traffic? Mom! (Lorelai runs into the bathroom and shuts the door.) L : I had this all planned. I was gonna get up early. I was gonna get coffee. I was gonna take a shower. I was gonna pick up my clothes from the dry cleaners. (Lorelai opens the door.) L : (sighs) Oh my god. My clothes. R : What?! (Lorelai walks down the hall with Rory trailing after her.) L : I don't have any clean clothes. R : It's 7:15. L : All my nice things were dirty. R : It's 7:16. (Lorelai look in her closet, then turns away.) L : I was gonna wear my blue suit with the flippy skirt. I look so great in the flippy skirt. R : It's 7:17. L : You know what, time lady? Why don't you go downstairs and warm up the car? That would be really super. Thank you. R : Just hurry! (Rory goes downstairs, Lorelai rummages through a drawer.) L : This sucks! This sucks! R : It's 7:18 (Rory calls from below.) L : Oh, for the love of god! (sighs) She sits on the bed and puts on socks. This is the last time I ever buy anything just because it's furry. (talking about clock) (scene changes) (Lorelai is running down the steps in cowboy boots, really short frayed shorts, and a bright pink tye-dyed tight tee-shirt. She's hurriedly putting her hair into a messy ponytail. Rory is standing at the foot of the stairs and looks up.) R : It's 7-- L : Don't even think of finishing that sentence. (sighs) What?! R : Nothing. I just didn't know the rodeo was in town. L : All right, that's it. (grabs a picture frame) I'm bringing the baby pictures. (Lorelai runs out the door with Rory in pursuit.) R : No! I'm sorry! I love the rodeo! The rodeo rules! (scene changes) (camera pans through town, finally settling on the jeep, and then the Stars Hollow sign.) L : I am so done with plans. I am never ever making one again. It never works. I spend the day obsessing over why it didn't work and what I could've done differently. (scene changes) (inside jeep, Lorelai is driving, Rory sitting in passenger seat.) L : I'm analyzing all my shortcomings when all I really need to be doing is vowing to never ever make a plan ever again which I'm doing now. Having, once again, been the innocent victim of my own stupid plans. (they go past her old school and Rory looks out at all the kids having fun.) L : God, I need some coffee. (sighs) (screen shows Jeep driving down several different roads, and then a road sign that says Hartford, 14 miles.) (screen switches to show different gargoyles, and then the outside of Chilton.) (Rory and Lorelai sit in Jeep, peering out at Chilton.) R : I remember it being smaller. (she looks worried) L : Yeah. And less.. (she looks intimidated) R : Off with their heads. L : Ah. (tilts her head, peering up.) R: (glancing at her mom, does the same.) What are you looking at? L : I'm just trying to see if there's a hunchback up in that bell tower. R : So, how do I look? L : (sighs, sits back and beams with motherly pride.) You look great. R : Really? (skeptical) L : Really. You are an amazing kid. You have earned this. You just go in there and show them what smart really is. I love you. Call me if you need me. (reaches for gear) R: (looks worried) You're kidding, right? L : No! Call me if you need anything. I'm great at making up dirty cheers. R : You have to go in with me. L : Rory, come on. (looks at her clothes meaningfully.) R : You have to meet the headmaster. L : Well, look at me! I can't meet anyone who does anything in there. I look like that chick from the 'Dukes of Hazzard'. R : This is my first day. You are not getting out of going in there with me. (Rory and Lorelai get out of the jeep. Two moms walking by stare at Lorelai, who drops her coat. They scurry away.) L : Good morning! L : (to Rory) Oh, well, we're gonna be best friends. (Lorelai puts her coat on as they walk into the Chilton courtyard.) L : So, where do we go. R : (looks at paper in her hand) Uh, the Ambroise building. L : Which is? R : The big, scary one. L : Oh great! Thanks for the input. (man walking by looks over at them, especially with some interest to Lorelai.) (they look around, slightly bewildered) Man : lost? L : Oh, yeah. We're looking for the headmaster's office in the Ambroise building. Man : Ah, okay. Well, this is it right here. (he points beside them) Down the stairs, make a left and the headmaster's office is at the end of the hall. L : Great. Thank you. Man : You're welcome. (Rory grabs Lorelai's arm to go, but the man extends a hand.) Man : Uh, I'm Ian Jack. My daughter Julia goes to school here. (they shake hands) L : Hi! I'm Lorelai Gilmore. This is my daughter, Rory. (Rory looks slightly uncomfortable.) Ian : Your daughter? Really. (surprised) Wow, that's great. Uh I mean, daughters are a great thing. L : We're big fans. (they're flirting) Ian : (laughing) Yeah. So, is your husband here? I'd love to meet him. L : Um, no. I'm not married. I'd love to meet your wife, though. Ian : I'm divorced. L : Shame. R : Excuse me. I really got to.. L : (grabs Rory's arm) Right! We gotta go meet the big guy, and I gotta get back to work. (they rush off) Ian : (calls) Where do you work? L : (rushes back) At an inn. The Independence Inn. I run it. Ian : Really? L : In a different outfit, of course. Ian : Ha. Well, It was nice to meet you, Lorelai. Good luck in school, Rory. I'll tell Julia to look out for you. R : Great, thanks. Ian : See you. (Lorelai waves a little, smiles, mouths 'bye'.) L : What a nice, nice man. R : You're feeling pretty good about yourself right now, aren't you. L : Yeah (still smiling) R : Do you want me to get you a mirror? L : I'm back. Let's go. (smile is gone, they rush off) (scene changes) (Lorelai and Rory are walking down the stairs in Chilton. They look around.) L : Oh, good. More big stuff. (sarcastically) R : Turn left. L : Oh (Rory and Lorelai walk out of the screen. The camera is on three sour looking girls, staring after them. They roll their eyes, look expressively at one another, and continue on their way.) (screen changes) (Lorelai and Rory are walking down a hallway, almost to the headmaster's office. They look at their surroundings with apprehension. They get to the door and stand in front of it, just staring.) L : You ready? R : No. L : You ready? R : Yes. (They open the doors, and step into a room that contains a desk with a strict looking woman wearing library glasses sitting at it. They stop in front of her.) L : (clears throat) Um.. Excuse me. (Secretary looks up suddenly. She jumps back slightly.) Oh! How.. Wow. Hi. I.. I'm Lorelai Gilmore. This is my daughter, Lorelai Gilmore. I named her after me. I was in the hospital all whacked out on Demerol. (glances at Rory, realizes she's rambling.) Never mind. B-B-But we call her 'Rory'. It's short for Lorelai or even 'Hey, you' depending on the.. (Rory nudges her) Is the headmaster here? Secretary : (gets up, removes her glasses) One moment. (Walks briskly away.) (The Gilmores watch her until she closes the door.) L : (whispering) See, that's what happens when you go to bed with your makeup on. (Rory grins, Lorelai sighs) (Door opens behind them, Secretary stands there stiffly, as if announcing a guest.) Secretary : Headmaster Charleston will see you now. L : (clears throat) Great. Thanks. (They walk into room, secretary shuts door.) Headmaster : (extending hand) Ms. Gilmore, I'm headmaster Charleston. L : Hi. Wow. It's really nice to meet.. (looks around, looks again at corner, sees her mother on couch) Mom. Uh, ex.. What are you doing here? Grandmother : (sweeps past Lorelai) I came to wish my granddaughter luck on her first day of school. (Lorelai looks exasperated) Rory, you look wonderful in that uniform! L : You didn't have to come all the way out here, Mom. Grandmother : This gave me a chance to make sure that Hanlin here takes good care of Rory. L : (gestures to Headmaster) You're Hanlin. Headmaster : Hanlin Charleston. Grandmother : Hanlin's wife and I are on the symphony fundraising committee together. L : Wow. That's great. Headmaster : Your father and I are golf rivals. We're still fighting it out to see which one is worse. Grandmother : Oh, yes. We're all old friends. L : Well, there's nothing like friends. Especially if they're old. (Everyone looks a tad oddly around at her remark.) Headmaster : Would you like to take off your coat and have a seat? L : (looks frightened) Oh, no. No, I'm fine. Headmaster : I'm afraid they were a little overzealous with the furnace this morning. It's quite warm in here. L : I like it warm. (nodding her head like an idiot) Grandmother : Lorelai, take off your coat and sit down. You don't want Hanlin to think you're rude. (commanding tone of voice) L : (looking extremely uncomfortable and embarrassed, takes off coat. Everyone stares, grandmother rolls her eyes. Exhales loudly.) Laundry day. Grandmother : Hanlin, did you know that Rory has a 4.0 grade point average? L : I'm sure he does, Mom. Grandmother : This is a very special girl. You take good care of her. Headmaster : We'll do our best, Emily. (everyone sits down) L : Rory's not going to be a problem. She's totally low maintenance. You know, like a Honda. You know, they're just easy, just.. (Rory looks embarrassed) Nice office. Grandmother : Well, I don't think we should take up anymore of your precious time. It was lovely to see you. Give Bitty our love. (kisses cheeks with headmaster) Headmaster : Tell Richard I'll see him at the club Sunday. Grandmother : Have a wonderful day, Rory. I want to hear all about it. Do you need a ride or is your horse parked outside? (to Lorelai) (walks out of room) L : It's so nice to meet you. (shakes hands with headmaster, kisses Rory's forehead.) Have a great day. Headmaster : Oh, you don't want to forget your coat. L : (turns) Oh no, 'cause that would be embarrassing. (laughs, walks out of office.) (scene changes) (Lorelai and Grandmother are walking down the hall.) Grandmother : How do you leave the house looking like that? What kind of an impression did you think you were gonna make? L : (sighs) What are you doing here, mother? Grandmother : I told you, I came to put in a good word for Rory. L : She didn't need a good word. Grandmother : I'm not allowed here, is that it? L : I didn't say that. Grandmother : I'm allowed to pay for it. But I can't actually set foot on the premises. I just want to get the rules straight. How about the street. Can I drive down the street? Maybe I should just avoid the neighborhood altogether. Although my doctor is right down the block. Maybe I can get special permission if I'm bleeding. L : (looking incredibly annoyed, her patience is wearing thin.) I'm sorry. I was just surprised to see you here. Grandmother : I thought it was important for this school to know they had a Gilmore amongst them. L : A very good thought. Grandmother : And that some of the Gilmores actually own clothing. L : And on that note, I have to get to work. I'll see you later. Grandmother : Dinner, Friday night. No spurs, please. (Lorelai walks away, thrusts out her arms in annoyance.) (Commercials) (Shows opening shot of the outside of Chilton.) (Headmaster and Rory are sitting in his office.) Headmaster : You're obviously a bright girl, Miss. Gilmore. Rory : Thank you. Headmaster : Good grades. Teachers like you. Not a lot of social activities, though. Rory : Oh, well, just living at Stars Hollow is kind of a social activity, actually. Headmaster : Nothing in your school appealed to you? Rory : I work at my mother's inn after school sometimes. And I was in the German Club for a while. But there were only three of us. Then two left after seeing "Schindler's List". Headmaster : What are your aspirations? Rory : I want to go to Harvard to study Journalism and Political Science. Headmaster : On your way to being Rory : Christiane Amanpour. Headmaster : Really? Rory : Yes. Headmaster : Not Cokie Roberts? Rory : No. Headmaster : Not Oprah, Rosie, or one of the women from 'The View'? Rory : No. Headmaster : Why do you wish to be Christiane Amanpour? Rory : I don't wish to be her, exactly. I just want to do what she does. Headmaster : Which is? Rory : Travel, see the world up close, report on what's really going on, and to be part of something big. Headmaster : And to be a part of something big you have to be on TV? Why not lead the police on a high speed chase, it's a quicker way to achieve this goal. Rory : Being on TV has nothing to do with it. Maybe I'll be a Journalist and write books or articles about what I see. I just want to be sure that I see something. (Headmaster looks at papers.) You'll notice the debating teams also missing from my resume. Headmaster : (nods and stands up) I've known your Grandparents for quite some time. Rory : I know. Headmaster : In fact, I was at a party at their house just last week where I had the most delicious lobster puffs I've ever eaten. I'm very fond of them. Rory : That's nice. (Headmaster sits down across from her.) Headmaster : None of this, however, will be of any benefit to you. Chilton has one of the highest academic standards of any school in America. You may have been the smartest girl at Stars Hollow, but this is a different place. The pressures are greater, the rules are stricter, and the expectations are high. If you make it through, you will have received one of the finest educations one can get. And there should be no reason why you should not achieve all your goals. However, since you are starting late, and are not used to this highly competitive atmosphere, there is a good chance that you will fail. That is fine. Failure is a part of life. But not a part of Chilton. Understand? R : (looking more and more unsure of herself.) So, you liked the lobster puffs, huh. Headmaster : Take this to Miss. James in the administration office across the hall. (he hands her the folder, she takes it and leaves the room, he puts on his glasses.) (scene changes) (Rory walks into the administration office, she goes up to the desk and puts down the folder.) R : Hi, I'm looking for Miss James? Miss James : Name? R : Lorelai Gilmore. But I go by Rory. Miss James : Fill this out, please. (Miss James takes the folder and gives Rory a sheet and a pencil. Miss James puts down the folder on a desk to the side. The girl at the desk looks around and stealthily takes the folder and gives it to somebody out the window.) (scene changes) (It is in the bushes, outside the window. There are three girls there, the same ones that stared at Rory on the stairs.) Girl 1 : Well? Girl 2 : Shut up. Girl 3 : Hurry. Please. Spiders. Girl 2 : Lorelai Gilmore. Girl 1 : Nice stripper name. Girl 2 : Formerly of Stars Hollow High School. Girl 1 : Where's that? Girl 2 : Make a left at the haystacks and follow the cows. Perfect attendance, 4.0 grade point average. Girl 3 : Bugs, dirt, twigs. Girl 2 : She's a Journalism major. Girl 1 : That means she's going out for the school paper. Girl 2 : Not necessarily. She's got a thousand recommendations in here. Popular with the adults. Girl 1 : And going out for the school paper. Girl 2 : You don't know she's going out for the paper. She'll never catch up. She's a month behind. Girl 1 : You can tutor her. Be like a big sister. Girl 2 : You're funny. Girl 3 : Okay, lizard, goodbye. Girl 2 : Why are they letting all these extra people in? They just take up space and screw up the curve. We don't need any new kids here. Girl 1 : Too late. (Girl 2 says psst out the window, someone takes the folder.) (scene changes) (back in the office, Miss James is giving stuff to Rory.) Miss James : Here's your locker number, here's your schedule. Here's the rules of the school and the Chilton code of honor. Here are the words to the school song, which must be recited upon demand. This an happen anytime, anyplace. If you do it in Latin you get extra credit. Do you have any questions? R : Uh, not at the moment. Miss James : If you do, you can make an appointment with your guidance counselor, Mr. Winters. He handles everything but Bulimia and pregnancy. For that, you have to go to the nurse, or Coach Rubens. Welcome to Chilton. (scene changes) (Lorelai is walking down the road by Luke's diner with her dry cleaning. She goes into the door and passes a man on his way out, smiling at him.) L : (sighs) I already had the longest day of my life and it's only ten o'clock. Luke : (fixing what looks like a toaster) There's no coffee. L : That's not funny. Luke : I can give you herbal tea. L : This is not an herbal tea morning. This is a coffee morning. Luke : Every morning for you is a coffee morning. L : This is a jumbo coffee morning. I need coffee in an IV. Luke : I can give you tea and a balance bar. L : Please, please, please tell me you're kidding. Luke : I'm kidding. (goes back and gets the coffee pot.) L : You're sick. Luke : Yep. L : You're a fiend! Luke : For here or to go. L : To go please. Luke : You want to know what this stuff does to your nervous system? L : Do you have a chart? Because I love charts. Luke : Maybe next time. What happened this morning that was so awful. L : Rory started Chilton. Luke : Really? L : Yeah. (sees him looking at her strangely) What? Luke : That's how you dressed to take Rory to Chilton? That's a fancy school. L : My clothes were at the cleaners. I had the fuzzy clock and it didn't purr on time. Luke : It didn't purr? L : It's fuzzy. It purrs. Never mind. I gotta go. I had a plan, damn it. Luke : Me too. Next time you're getting tea. (Lorelai stalks out of the diner. Luke pulls what looks like a chicken bone out of the toaster.) (scene changes) (Miss Patty is standing next to the street and lots of little girls in pink outfits are twirling batons.) Miss Patty : Visualize, Ladies. It's thanksgiving day parade. You're standing on fifth avenue. There's 100 beautiful boys marching in place behind you. And there you are. You are out in front with your fabulous legs and your perfect tush. Your baton is on fire and the crowd goes nuts! Okay, cookie time. (looks around and sees Lorelai walking down the street) Lorelai, hi. L : Hi, Patty. Miss Patty : Isn't today Rory's first day at Chilton? L : Oh, yeah, she's there now. I just got through dropping her off. Miss Patty : Is that what you wore? L : Oh, look at the time. See you, Patty. Miss Patty : Bye. (Lorelai walks around the jeep and gets in. Miss Patty walks back into the studio.) Miss Patty : Ladies, what do I see. Naked girls. No, no, keep those leotards on. This is not Brazil. (scene changes) (Jeep is pulling up to the Gilmore house. Lorelai gets out of the car somewhat uncoordinated with her coffee and her dry cleaning, dropping clothes everywhere. She staggers up to the house and goes in. The phone is ringing, she struggles to find the cordless. Finally finding it in a heap of junk and falling back down onto the couch.) L : Hello? Grandmother : Lorelai? L : Mom? Grandmother : I'm going shopping this afternoon and I'd thought I'd pick up a few things for Rory. L : Like what? Grandmother : A couple of extra skirts and tops for school. L : Ok, I already took care of that Mom. I got her two skirts and a bunch of tops. Grandmother : But there a five days in a school week. L : Are you sure? My days of the week underwear only go till Thursday. (is struggling to pull cowboy boots off.) Grandmother : Is that a joke? L : Two skirts are fine. Don't bother. Grandmother : What if she gets one dirty? L : Well, then, she'll wear the other one. Grandmother : What if she gets them both dirty? L : We'll use this newfangled thing called a washing machine. The town just chipped in and bought one. My turn's Tuesday. Grandmother : What about socks? Chilton has these special logo socks. Rory should have them. And what about the school sweater. She might want that. And there's a sweater vest and a bookbag. L : Are you getting a cut of the merchandise? Grandmother : Rory should have these things. She'll be the only one who doesn't. L : She'll have them. Grandmother : I'm at least getting her the Chilton coat. Is she a size 6? L : Mom, please. Grandmother : This is a simple question, Lorelai. L : She's a six, but I'd get a size eight in case she grows. Grandmother : If she grows, I'll buy another. L : Ok, well then, a six is great. I gotta go, Mom. Bye. (scene changes) (there is a classroom, with a teacher pacing in front lecturing) Teacher : And while French culture was the dominant outside cultural influence, especially for Russia's monied class, English culture also had it's impact. Tolstoy's favorite author, for instance, was.. Girl 2 : (raises her hand briefly) Dickens. Teacher : Yes, and last week we discovered Dostoevski's main authorial influences. Girl 2 : (raises her hand again) George Sand and Balzac. (Rory looks at her slightly apprehensively.) Teacher : Good. As Tolstoy commenced writing both "War and Peace" and "Anna Karenina", Count Leo would turn to.. Girl 2 : "David Copperfield" Teacher : Correct. He would turn to "David Copperfield" for inspiration. (door opens and cute guy walks in) Teacher : Ah, Mr. Dugray. Guy : Sir. (hands teacher note) Teacher : Nice to have you back. I hope your Grandfather's feeling better. Guy : Much better, sir. Teacher : Good. Take your seat please. (guy walks over to his seat, leering openly at Rory, making her uncomfortable) Teacher : "Great Expectations", "A Tale of Two Cities", "Little Dorrit", all major influences on Leo Tolstoy. (guy leans forward to talk to his friend in the seat in front of him) Guy 1 : Who's that? Guy 2 : New girl. Teachers : of these two literary masters, Tolstoy and Dickens. (bell rings) Class dismissed. (Girls 1, 2, and 3 are all looking over at Rory's notes and her with disdain, Rory tries to smile at them) Guy 1 : Looks like we got ourselves a Mary. (looking at Rory) Teacher : Miss, uh, Gilmore, could you come up here please? (she goes up to him) This is last week's study material. (he hands her a huge binder crammed full of papers) There'll be a test on them tomorrow. But since you're new, you can take a makeup test on Monday. Will that be sufficient time? R : Monday? Sure, that's fine. (looking overwhelmed) Teacher : That's just an overview. You'll find it very helpful to you to borrow one of the other student's personal notes. They tend to be more detailed. R : More detailed than this? Teacher : It seems daunting right now, I know. R : No, no. It's okay. I'll be fine. (moves to leave the room) Teacher : Remember to get those notes. They'll be a lifesaver. (scene changes) [SCENE_BREAK] (Rory is coming out of the room and almost walks into Girl 2) Girl 2 : I'm Paris. R : I didn't see you there. Where'd you come from. Paris : I know who you are, too. Lorelai Gilmore from Stars Hollow. R : You can call me Rory. Paris : Are you going out for the 'Franklin'? R : The what? Paris : Nice innocent act. At least I know you're not going out for drama club. The Franklin, the school paper, are you going out for it? R : I have to find my locker first. Paris : I'm gonna be editor next year. R : Well, good for you. (tries to move away, but Paris steps in front of her) Paris : I'm also the top of the class, and I intend to be valedictorian when I graduate. R : Okay. I'm going now. Paris : You'll never catch up. You'll never beat me. This school is my domain and the Franklin is my domain. And don't you ever forget that. (she walks off) R : (looks after her strangely) I guess you're not going to let me borrow your notes, huh. (continues down hallway) (Commercials) (opening scene of the outside of the Independence Inn. Switches to kitchen where Sookie is smelling peaches with Fruit Man looking on) Sookie : They're smaller than the last batch. Fruit Man : No, they're not. Sookie : Smaller means watery. No good peach taste. Fruit Man : No, there's plenty of peach taste being as they're, you know, peaches. Sookie : What about the ones on the bottom. Fruit Man : Oh, great. Be sure to check them all. (sarcastically) That's it. Give every last one of them a nice good squeeze. You wouldn't actually want to leave me one that I could sell to somebody else. Wait a minute, you missed one. I'm not going to tell you which one it is. I'm just going to let your impeccably good radar (she picks up peach) There it is, you got it. (throws up hands) (Lorelai walks into kitchen) L : Okay, I look great, right? Sookie : Yes. L : This is how I was supposed to look. Good morning Jackson (Fruit Man). Sookie : This was Rory's first day. L : I was supposed to look fabulous, and not like I'd been up all night playing quarters. Sookie : Nobody cares how you looked. L : Everybody cared. Sookie : Who? L : The other moms, the Headmaster, my mom, Luke, Miss Patty, the new fire chief with the tiny head. Sookie : (holds out a peach) Taste this. L : (bites peach) A little watery. Jackson : Oh! Now, you planned this! Sookie : Did you say something about your mother? L : I walked into the headmaster's office, and there she was. Sookie : Really? Why? L : Because she knew I'd wake up late and humiliate myself. Sookie : Wow, she's good. L : She's the best. (Sookie takes peach and rolls it along the floor.) Jackson : Oh, I would love to know what you're doing. Sookie : They're rolling differently, too. Because of the extra water. Jackson : Makes perfect sense. Sookie : I would ignore those women, cause the only thing that matters is that Rory got into that great school. L : She looked so amazing in her uniform. She was so excited. I just admire her so much jumping into a new school. She's my hero. Sookie : Mine too! Jackson : Oh, yeah. Sign me up. Sookie, the peaches, please. (exasperated) (Michel walks in) Michel : (French accent) Excuse me. There's a phone call for you. If I'm to fetch you like a dog, I'd like a cookie and a raise. L : Thanks for the peach. (hands the peach to Jackson, Sookie takes the peach, Lorelai walks out) (scene changes) (parlor at Inn, old women are looking at book and walking by, Lorelai walks by them with Michel trailing) Woman 1 : This would be absolutely wonderful. There are supposed to be darling shops all up and down this street. Oh, excuse me sir (to Michel). Can you tell me where we'd find the best antiques? Michel : At your house, I'd guess. (walks off, women are dismayed) L : Mom, did I give you this number? Because I don't remember giving you this number. Yeah, well, I must be losing my mind. What can I, uh, sorry Mom, can you hold on one second? Um, Drella, can you take it down just a notch? (Drella is the harp player, and is playing very loud, she ignores Lorelai) Thanks. Okay, I'm back. Grandmother : I wanted you to known that I just bought a parking space for Rory at Chilton. L : You what? Grandmother : They are very hard to come by. But I pulled a few strings and it's all hers. L : Mom, Rory doesn't have a car. Grandmother : No, but she's got a birthday coming up soon. (Drella is still playing loudly and Lorelai can't hear) L : Okay, hold on a second. Um, Drella. Drella! A little softer please. Drella : Hey, do I look like I got Panasonic stamped on my ass? L : Mom, you are not buying Rory a car. Grandmother : Why not? She's a smart girl, she's responsible. L : She doesn't need one. Grandmother : She has to have a way to get around. To get to school. L : She'll be taking the bus. Grandmother : I hate that she's taking the bus. Drug dealers take the bus. L : You know what, Mom? I gotta go. Grandmother : Fine. We'll discuss this at a later date. L : Okay. Bye. (Drella plays much softer now that Lorelai is off the phone.) (scene changes) (Rory is walking down a Chilton hallway and Guy 1 comes up behind her.) Guy 1 : Hey, Mary. R : Me? Guy 1 : Yeah, you. R : My name is Rory. Guy 1 : I'm Tristin. R : Hi. Tristin : So you new? R : Yeah, first day. Tristin : Remmy's class is rough. R : Yeah, it seemed very intense. Tristin : I could loan you my notes, if that would help. R : Really? That's be great. Tristin : Yeah? How great? (he's walking forward, pushing her up against the wall) R : I don't know. Mr. Remmy said that getting someone's notes would be.. Tristin : I could even help you study. If you want. R : Uh, I kind of view studying as a solitary activity. But thanks. Tristin : Bye Mary. (he walks off) R : It's Rory. (scene changes) (it's the parlor again, with Drella playing harp and people listening to her. Lorelai is talking to a man and a teenage guy) L : I completely understand. Man : Oh, do you. Because this is a brand-new car. (the boy tries to say something) He brings the car up and it's scratched! Boy : I just backed the car up. Man : I'd know if my car was scratched before I parked it or not. L : Let's calm down. Sir, why don't I have your car looked at tomorrow. I'm sure we can find a way to resolve this. In the meantime I would love for you to have lunch here, on me. Dessert is a must. Anything with our homemade ice cream is delicious. Life as you know it will never be the same. What do you say? Man : I think I will. Thank you. L : Thank you. (man walks off) Boy : Lorelai, I swear, I didn't scratch his car. If you thought I was unreliable or a bad driver.. L : Derek. It's okay. Boy : 'Cause I can drive. L : Oh, sweetie. I am sure you can. We'll just take it over to Musky's tomorrow and have the guys look at it. I'm sure they can buff it out for nothing, okay? Boy : Okay. That's a real nice outfit you're wearing today. L : Thank you, Derek. (Derek walks off, Michel walks up) Michel : Your faithful pooch is here to say "Someone needs to talk with you". L : It's not my mother, is it? Michel : It's possible. (Lorelai looks around him, standing at the counter is Ian Jack, from Chilton) L : It's possible? Michel : There's a resemblance. (walks off) L : Hi. Ian : Hi. Is this a bad time? L : No, not at all. What are you doing here? Ian : Well, I had to meet an associate for lunch, and he was coming up from New York so I thought, "Why not meet him in a beautiful inn?" L : Good. Enjoy your lunch. Ian : Thanks. I will. I was also wondering if maybe I could take you out to dinner sometime. L : We're a little food-obsessed, aren't we? Ian : It's the company more than the food that interests me. L : I'm flattered. Ian : Is that a yes? L : That's a You're a dad. Ian : And you're a mom. Although I'm still finding that really hard to believe. L : No, I mean, you're a Chilton dad. Ian : Ooh, that sounds bad. L : Not bad. Just tricky. You know, Rory just started there, and I think I should let her fall in with the bad crowd before I start hooking up with the P.T.A. Ian: Well, I'm not on the P.T.A. L : See? There you go, I can't date anyone not on the P.T.A. Ian : It's just a casual dinner. L : Sorry. (she walks around the counter) Ian : Okay, I'll tell you what. I'm going to China for a week on business. When I get back I'm going to try again L : China. Wow. Ian : Impressed? L : No. Rome, I'd be impressed. China I'm just "China, wow" Ian : (laughs, picks up a card from the desk, puts it in his suit) Lorelai Gilmore, General Manager, I'll talk to you soon. L : Have a safe trip. Ian : I will. (walks off) L : (walking him walk off) He does that so well. Michel : You are making me sick. L : Aw, now, honey. You try it, I'll watch you walk away too. Michel : Stop it. L : Go on now, walk. It can't be that bad. Michel : Go away. (he walks off, she follows) L : No. You have to do it with a little more attitude. Make me think you mean it! (she walks off) (people are listening to Drella play the harp, she suddenly stops) Drella : That's lunch. (walks off, people look around surprised) (scene changes) (Rory is in Chilton, finds her locker, tries to open it, It's stuck, she pulls really hard and it opens, she stumble backward right into Paris who was holding a really big project of a intricate castle and dropped in when she got bumped into. The project broke into a million pieces) R : Oh no! I am so sorry. Paris, please. I am so sorry. It was an accident. My locker, it just slipped. I pulled too hard.. I didn't mean to.. Is there water in that moat? Paris : Get away from me! (she stalks off into a classroom) (Rory picks up her books and puts them in her locker, and then taps a boy walking by) R : Excuse me, I need Mrs. Ness, History? Boy : It's behind you. (points to the classroom Paris walked into and leaves) R : Of course it is. (slams locker and walks into classroom) Paris : (sees Rory) Oh, you've got to be kidding me. (Rory sits down in a seat, Tristin sits right near her.) Tristin : Hey, Mary. Teacher : Ok, We left our projects off on Friday with Mr. Gaynor. So today we will pick up with Miss Geller. Paris : (stands up) I don't have my project. Teacher : Miss Geller.. Did you have sufficient time to complete your project? Paris : Yes Teacher : And yet you don't have it done? Paris : No Teacher : You will receive an incomplete on the project. R : (stands up) It's my fault. Teacher : Who are you? R : Rory Gilmore. I wrecked her project. Paris : Shut up. Teacher : I don't have a Rory Gilmore. I have a Lorelai Gilmore. R : That's me. Teacher : You are Rory and Lorelai Gilmore? R : Yes. And I wrecked her project. My locked got stuck. Paris : Just stay out of this. Teacher : Do you go by Rory or Lorelai. R : Whatever. It's not her fault. Teacher : I need you to pick one. R : One what. Teacher : One name. R : Rory. Teacher : Thank you. Rory, you wrecked Paris' project when? R : Just before class. Teacher : Very convenient. R : No, I did. My locked got stuck Paris : Stop it! Teacher : Miss Gilmore, since you say you wrecked Miss Geller's project, then you may help her fix it. You have until tomorrow. R : Fine. Paris : No. I don't want your help! R : But I don't mind doing it. Paris : Just stay out of this. R : I'm trying to help you. Paris : Well don't! Teacher : Ladies, enough. Miss Geller, if you don't want Miss Gilmore's help you may have until tomorrow. If it's not done, you will receive an incomplete. Is that understood? Paris : Yes. (sits down) Teacher : As long as you're standing, Class, we have a new student. Say hello to Rory Gilmore. Class : Hi, Rory. Tristin : Hello Mary. (Rory sits down) (Commercials) (opening scene is the Welcome to Stars Hollow sign, Population 9,973. Scene shifts to Miss Patty next to the street and the girls in the studio, walking with books on their heads.) Miss Patty : Walk smooth. That's the new Harry Potter on your heads. If they should drop, Harry will die, and there won't be anymore books. (sees Lorelai walking by) Now that's how you should've dressed this morning, Missy. (Lorelai ignores her, scene shifts to Lorelai walking into Luke's diner. Luke is walking near the entrance and he has to squeeze by her to get through.) Luke : What are you doing here? L : See, now that's why you were voted Mr. Personality of the New Millennium. Where's your crown? Luke : I just mean you don't usually come it at this time. L : I have to pick up Rory from school. (Luke pours her coffee without any argument) Thank you. Luke : You're welcome. L : No lectures? Luke : My blood sugar's low. I'll eat an apple and get back to you. L : God, this has been one hectic, bizarro day for me. Luke : Yeah? L : Yeah. This morning with the being late. And my mother with her existing. Oh, and this father. This father from Chilton. He drove all the way from Hartford just to ask me out. Luke : Really? Are you going? (trying to appear like he doesn't care) L : No. He's got a kid in school with Rory. The whole thing just seemed a little weird. Luke : Good. L : Good? Luke : Yeah, I think it's good that you turned him down. L : Okay. Luke : I mean, he's probably old, right? L : Old? Luke : I mean, he's got a kid in high school. L : Well, so do I. Luke : Yeah, but you were young when you had Rory. Most people aren't that young. Most people are.. L : Old. Luke : Yeah. L : Like this guy who asked me out. Luke : But you're not going. L : No. No, I'm not going. (she kind of smiles a bit, thinks he likes her, her cell phone rings, he points to the sign that says no cell phones) L : Oh, that's me. Hi Babette. What? Okay. No. No, I'll be right there. Thanks. (hangs up) Uh, I have to go. (pulls out wallet) Luke : Keep it. I gave you decaf. (she frowns and walks out the door) (scene changes) (A man and a woman holding a cat are sitting in their yard. They live right next to the Gilmores. Lorelai's jeep pulls up and she gets out) L : Hey. Babette : Oh, Lorelai, I'm so sorry I had to call you like this. L : That's okay, Babette. I appreciate it. Babette : All of a sudden, they pull up, get out of the truck, and start sniffing around. It's very strange. L : Let me go talk to them. (Lorelai pets cat, Man gets up and stands next to Babette) Man : Tell her about the gnome. Babette : They kicked a gnome. L : What? Babette : Right in the head. Man : That's just not cool. L : I'm very sorry. Is the gnome okay? Babette: He's fine, sugar. But I wouldn't trust these boys. Gnome kicking says a lot about a man's character. L : Yes, well, I'm gonna go take care of this. Thanks. (she walks over to her house, men are on the porch, she goes up the steps to talk to them) L : Hey. Um, what are you doing? Man 1 : You live here? L : Yeah. Man 1 : I'm supposed to install a DSL for a Lorelai Gilmore. Is that you? L : Yes, but.. Man 1 : I'm Mick. L : Nice to meet you. Could you get off my porch? Mick: I was told that you wouldn't be here, but to look for a ceramic frog with a key inside. We can't find the frog. L : I didn't order a DSL. Mick : The order was placed by an -- Emily Gilmore (grandmother). We would've been done by now, but the frog search put us way behind. Man 2 : Hey, Mick, found it. Mick : You found the frog? Man 2 : It wasn't a frog, it was a turtle. Mick : It says here it's a frog. L : Turtle. Mick : Really? L : Trust me. I'm going to have to cancel that DSL order. Mick : You sure? It's already paid for. L : Yeah, I know. We don't need a DSL, so thanks for coming, and you guys can just go. (the guys leave, Lorelai walks over to the jeep) Babette : Is there a problem? L : Oh, nothing Shakespeare couldn't turn into a really good play. (Lorelai gets into jeep) (scene changes) (camera is on a piece of paper that says "Paris -- I am so sorry. Please let me help you." In Rory's handwriting ) Teacher : The Romanists have, with great adroitness, drawn three walls around themselves, with which they have hitherto protected themselves so that no one could reform them, whereby Christians has fallen terribly. Who said this? (Rory gave the note to Paris, who immediately crumpled it up and threw it on the floor) R : (sees Paris about to give the answer) Martin Luther. Teacher : Very good, Miss Gilmore. And what year does Martin Luther address the Christian nobility? R : (again sees Paris lean forward) 1520. Teacher : Very good, Miss Gilmore. Until next time, class. (Paris goes up to Rory's desk) Paris : Stay out of my way. I will make this school a living hell for you. (Rory swallows apprehensively.) Tristin : See you tomorrow, Mary. Rory : The name is Rory. (scene changes) (camera shows a street corner, then switches to the inside of a salon where Lorelai appears to be searching for somebody.) Stylist : Can I help you?! L : (brushes past her) God, I wish. (knocks on her mother's hairdryer) Grandmother : What on earth..? L : You're not buying us a DSL. Grandmother : Lorelai, this is hardly the place. L : I canceled the order, and it's not happening. Grandmother : But Rory needs the Internet for her school. L : We have the Internet. Grandmother : This is faster. L : Well, we like our internet slow, okay? We can turn it on, walk around, dance, make a sandwich. With DSL, there's no dancing, no walking, and we'd starve. It'd be all work and no play. Have you not seen "The Shining", Mom? Grandmother : What on earth are you talking about? L : Also, there will be no cars, no parking spaces. And all the uniforms will be supplied by me. The mother. That's final. There will be no discussion. Grandmother : You're being stubborn, as usual. L : No, Mom, I'm not being stubborn. I'm being me! The same person who always needed to work out her own problems and take care of herself. Because that's the way I was born. That's how I am! Grandmother : Florence, I'm dripping. L : I appreciate what you have done for Rory in paying for this school, That will not be forgotten. You won't let it. But she is my daughter. And I decide how we live, not you. Now then, do they validate parking here? Grandmother : There's a stamp at the desk. L : Thank you. (Emily looks embarrassed and dismayed. Lorelai walks out.) (scene changes) (It's the outside of Chilton. Lorelai is drinking coffee and waiting for Rory to come out. Rory emerges.) L : Mm. Hey, you. R : (drops backpack and hugs Lorelai) So, this whole plaid-skirt thing My idea? L : My day sucked too. R : Promise? L : I swear on my mother's life. R : Not yet. (doesn't want to stop hugging.) L : Still hugging, still hugging. (smooch) So, I brought us some coffee. R : Why, I'm shocked. L : Triple caps, easy foam. If that doesn't work, we'll stick our fingers in a light socket. (laughs, picks up backpack) Come here. (staggers under weight) What, do they expect you to get smart all in one day? R : Oh, they expect a lot of things. L : So tell me. R : I don't know. It was just one big, long, scary, tweedy, bad eight hours. L : Add some hair spray, and you got my day. R : One of the girls already hates me. The guys are weird. L : Weirder than other guys? R : Yeah, they kept calling me Mary. L : You're kidding me. Wow, I can't believe they still say that. R : Why? What does it mean? L : It means like, Virgin Mary. It means they think you look like a goody-goody. R : You're kidding. L : No. R : Well what would they have called me if they thought I looked like a slut? L : Well, they might have added a Magdalene to it. R : Wow. Biblical insults. This is an advanced school. (they laugh, Lorelai turns over the engine) (scene changes) (it's night, the town is lit up by lights along the streets. Lorelai, Rory, and Lane are all walking with food in hand.) Lane : It was so weird not having you in school today. I mean, I finally noticed some of the other kids. Let me say, they are a sad lot. R : Yeah, well add a couple plaid skirts, and you got the Chilton freaks. Lane : I totally miss you. R : I miss you. L : I have an idea. What about, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, when I go into Hartford for my business class, what if Lane comes along and you guys can shop and study, and join a cult and shave your heads. Lane : Really? L : All except the shaving your heads part. Lane : Oh, no. What time is it? R : 6:30 Lane : Oh, no. I'm late for dinner. L : Again? Lane, your mother is gonna kill me if I keep sending you home fat and happy. Lane : I'm sorry. But she found a web site that sells Tofu in bulk. L : Oh, you're kidding, right? Lane : (shakes her head) Yesterday, she went out and bought a bigger fridge. (takes off her pink jacket, handing it to Rory, and shaking out her hair.) L : Boy, honey, your life is scary. Lane : Can I have your crust? (to Rory, pizza crust) R : It's the least I can do. Lane : Thanks. Bye. R : Bye. L : Bye. (watches her leave) A pizza for your thoughts. R : I wish I could figure out a way to get Paris off my back. L : Yeah, angry chicks are the worst. When I was in high school I had a Paris. R : Yeah? L : It was horrible. R : How'd you get rid of her? L : I got pregnant and dropped out. R : What if I just learn to french braid her hair. L : Even better. Sweetie, you can't let those kids get you down. Do you want me to talk to anybody? A parent, a teacher, a big guy named Moose? R : I'll just figure it out for myself. L : Okay. (sees Rory laugh) What? R : I was just thinking about the way Paris' face looked when I beat her to that Martin Luther question. L : Good, huh? R: 14 shades of purple. L : Cool. R: Tomorrow I'm shooting for 15. L : (they stop in front of Luke's diner) Hey, what do you think of Luke? R : What do you mean? L : I mean, do you think he's cute? R: Oh, no. No way. You cannot date Luke. L : I said nothing about dating Luke. R : If you date him, you'll break up. And we'll never be able to eat there again. L : I repeat, I said nothing about dating Luke. R : Date Al from Pancake World, his food stinks. L : I cannot believe what I'm hearing. Al's food does not stink, Al stinks. (Luke comes out of the diner and stares after the Gilmores. Then he closes his restaurant and goes back inside.)

Lorelai oversleeps on Rory's first day at Chilton, and discovers that all her good clothes are at the cleaners. She throws on a tiny tie-dyed top, Daisy Mae shorts, and cowboy boots to the dismay of Rory, the Chilton headmaster, and Emily, who has shown up for Rory's first day. Lorelai and Emily leave after some awkward moments in the headmaster's office, bickering the entire way out. Rory's day goes downhill from there. She's handed a three inch binder containing one week's worth of notes from one class and meets some insufferable classmates who are determined to make her life at Chilton miserable.

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VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars... Bonnie exits through the back of the Pi Sig house, much to Dick's disgust, in 308 "Lord of the Pi's." DICK: What the hell, Bonnie? BONNIE: Another cute frat boy. What the hell? In the Food Court, Veronica assures Landry in 307 "Of Vice and Men." VERONICA: I was never gonna tell anyone about your...situation with the dean's wife. In his bedroom, Logan explains to Veronica what happened in Mexico. LOGAN: The whole motel was going up in flames. We had to get out of there. VERONICA: You didn't stick around to try to help? You didn't see if everyone was okay? Logan drops his head in shame. In the Food Court, Veronica elects to ignore Logan's call which Logan watches her do it in 308 "Lord of the Pi's." He's devastated. Elsewhere on campus, Keith and the dean speak to the "rescued" Selma Hearst Rose. SELMA: I'm on my way to vote. Fate of the Greeks in my hands and all. DEAN O'DELL: How are they faring? SELMA: Screw 'em. They're out of here. Veronica and Mac are awoken by Parker's scream in 301 "Welcome Wagon." Parker looks at her shaved head in the mirror in horror. PARKER: Someone raped me! Veronica reassures Keith in 308 "Lord of the Pi's." VERONICA: The Hearst rapist has everyone on edge. End previously. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE, PI SIG FRATERNITY HOUSE - NIGHT. Music: "Right Here, Right Now" by Fatboy Slim. LYRICS: Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here The Pi Sigs are having a party. Outside the house, a stage is set up outside the back of the house. People are dancing on the stage and on the lawns, most holding white plastic cups. The place is packed as is evident as the camera swings around. It comes to a rest on the two people standing on the roof of the porch of the house. Holding a white cup and a red cup respectively, Piz and Mac are staring out at the guests. Mac is looking increasingly concerned. MAC: You seen Veronica? Piz, without ceasing his scan of the crowd, shakes his head. PIZ: Not in a while. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, BENES HALL - NIGHT. The music gets louder as the scene shifts to Veronica, running for dear life in the corridors of Benes Hall. She hits a wall, casts a terrified look back and then races on. She reaches stairs and runs up them, sobbing. She comes to another corridor and hurries to the door of Wallace and Piz's room. She bangs on it desperately. VERONICA: Wallace, Piz, help! There's no response and she sinks down to the floor. Her nose is bloody and she has a nasty gash over her left eye. She pants and looks over at the way she came. As she turns her head back, she becomes aware of a pair of legs coming to a stop next to her. Her eyes travel slowly up the body in fear. End music: "Right Here, Right Now" by Fatboy Slim. Opening credits. LILITH HOUSE GIRLS: [singing offscreen] Na-na-na-na Hey, hey... White writing across a black screen states that it is two days earlier. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. The Lilith House girls, led by Nish, Fern and Claire, are celebrating in a one-float parade. They have created the float with a dune buggy and a trailer, with a large pink pig in a diaper at the back of the trailer. The pig wears a neck comprised of the Greek letters pi, sigma and sigma. A large poster for Lilith House is attached to the dune buggy, and one saying "Good Bye!" to the trailer. Some tipping polystyrene columns and glittering gold lengths of tinsel complete the decorations. The girls, standing in the trailer in front of the pig, are exuberant, clapping and singing "Na Na Hey Hey (Kiss Him Goodbye)." LILITH HOUSE GIRLS: [singing] Hey, goodbye Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na Hey, hey, hey, goodbye Their song continues in the background. Reactions differ from the students they pass, some giving thumbs up and some giving thumbs down and booing. Veronica watches the float pass. VERONICA VOICEOVER: If the Lilith House's mission was to protect women on campus, I'm not sure this display is doing the trick. Sure, the Board of Trustees voted to dismantle the Greek system, but there's still a rapist at large. That hasn't changed. LILITH HOUSE GIRLS: Hey, hey, hey, goodbye DICK: Sponduly! Veronica turns and looks over her shoulder at hearing Dick's shout. Dick and Logan emerge from one of the college buildings, laughing and joking around. There is some conversation too faint to hear. Veronica observes their playfulness. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Ah. So the boy can still smile. Seems like a week since I've seen his teeth. She rises from her perch and walks towards them. Logan sees her and the smile fades. VERONICA: Hey, handsome. DICK: Shh. Not in front of the old man. He's the jealous type. Logan is much more quiet and serious. LOGAN: Hey. VERONICA: Hello, Dick. Veronica looks over at the float, still circling the area. VERONICA: I can't believe they got such a perfect likeness. Did you actually model for them? Logan and Dick look over at the float. DICK: Yeah, you know, that reminds me. They left out one important detail. Excusez-moi. LILITH HOUSE GIRLS: [singing] Na-na-na-na Hey, hey, hey, goodbye Dick steps up onto the low wall next to where they are standing. He drops his pants and moons the float. Veronica turns away in disgust with a gasp. DICK: [shouting] Take a picture, ladies. It'll last longer. Dick wiggles and slaps his bare bum to the cat calls of the girls. Dick pulls up his pants and jumps down. VERONICA: Great job, Dick. I'm sure you won that debate. LOGAN: Well, he's a master debater. DICK: You two kiss, hold hands, head to the soda shop for some malts. I'm out of here. Dick waits to be persuaded to stay. DICK: Okay. Don't try and stop me. Dick backs away, still hoping for an invitation that is not forthcoming. Finally, Veronica and Logan are alone. Veronica leans in towards the again serious Logan. VERONICA: You weren't outside my criminology class. She intimately takes hold of his shirt, pulling him in ready for a kiss. VERONICA: I waited. Logan shuffles uncomfortably. LOGAN: Yeah. VERONICA: Something wrong? She smiles. Logan, on the other hand, is gearing himself up. He takes a moment staring down at the ground before getting it out. He finally looks her in the eye. LOGAN: I can't do this anymore, Veronica. Veronica stares at him in disbelief. Logan looks back at the ground frequently as he continues. LOGAN: You know, I've been thinking, and, uh...this isn't working. You know, I don't think I quite measure up to the person that you want me to be and...and I just can't take feeling like a disappointment anymore. VERONICA: Logan, I don't- LOGAN: Hey, let me get this out, okay? The other thing...you told me you weren't built to let people help you. VERONICA: That's not exactly what I said. LOGAN: It's close. And you know what? I'm not built to stand on the sidelines. Veronica nods her head, her eyes glistening with tears. LOGAN: I don't know, I think we have a choice. And I think we can take a tough but survivable amount of pain now... Logan pauses, staring at her. LOGAN: Or stay together and deal with unbearable pain later. Veronica lets out a deep breath. LOGAN: So, I vote for the pain now. Having expelled her breath, Veronica nods imperceptibly. Logan himself is close to tears as he looks down on her. LOGAN: But I'm always here...if you need anything. He steps forward, puts his hands on either side of her neck and kisses her on the forehead. LOGAN: [resigned] But you never need anything. Veronica can't speak. Logan looks down at her in pain and then takes a step back. He turns and hurries away. Veronica takes a breath to hold herself together. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - DAY. Weevil is fixing the dean's television. The picture on screen of a woman addressing an audience is jerky and interrupted by static. Dean O'Dell is lounging on the small leather sofa in his office, watching him. WEEVIL: Yeah, but heavyweights weren't always a freak show, man. Ali, Frazier, those were fighters, you know? Just seems nowadays... DEAN O'DELL: All the talent's in the lower weight classes. You're so right. The average fight fan? He doesn't care. Weevil swivels the TV back into place, the picture now as it should be. WEEVIL: You should be good. You gonna test it? The dean uses the remote and flicks on a couple of channels, including one featuring Vincent Price. DEAN O'DELL: Hot damn, I'm back in business. What would I do if you ever left me? WEEVIL: Call human resources and have them send a replacement? O'Dell shrugs. WEEVIL: It's just a guess. Listen, you don't have high-def yet. I'll swing by when the receiver gets in. Page me if it goes out again. DEAN O'DELL: Thanks, Eli. As Weevil leaves the office, he passes Mindy on her way in. She sees him lounging on the couch. MINDY: Oh, hard at work, I see. DEAN O'DELL: This job is easy. To what do I owe the pleasure? MINDY: I brought you the minivan. She holds out some car keys, embellished with a furry ball. He takes them reluctantly. MINDY: You're gonna have to haul around Gram's drums tonight. Just got called up to Sacramento to meet with Helm's people. DEAN O'DELL: Can't they send Wally? MINDY: Wally's going, too. I need the Volvo keys. She holds out her hand. O'Dell digs in his pocket. DEAN O'DELL: Gonna be bored. I may be forced to speak to our children. He hands over the Volvo keys. MINDY: Oh, remind them of how things used to be. She sits down on the couch next to him. MINDY: They love that. She leans in to give him a quick kiss. The dean is more interested in something more substantive and pulls her back in for a longer one. She avoids it by presenting her cheek. MINDY: I'll be home tomorrow by noon. She pulls away, much to his disappointment and puzzlement. MINDY: Okay? You can order pizza, can't you? DEAN O'DELL: I'm sure someone will show me. Mindy chuckles. They are interrupted by a knock on the open door. Cora, the dean's (new? - what happened to Angela?) assistant, pokes her head around the door jamb. CORA: Dean O'Dell, I'm sorry for interrupting. DEAN O'DELL: What is it? Mindy takes the opportunity to extract herself from the dean's arms and exits. CORA: I have a man waiting for you who doesn't have an appointment. He won't give me his name or put out his cigar. DEAN O'DELL: Is that so? The dean gets up from the coach and goes to the door of his office. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE - CONTINUING. A man is sitting on the couch seen in 306 "Hi, Infidelity." He's reading a paper and puffing on a big fat cigar. He looks up at the dean, who looks a little stunned on seeing him. MEL: Cyrus, we need to talk. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - DAY. Cut to a few moment later as an ashtray is set down in front of the man, Mel, who is settled on one of the chairs in front of O'Dell's desk. DEAN O'DELL: So, Mel, what can I help you with? Mel has a deep, gruff voice. MEL: You know what I liked best about my days here at Hearst, Cyrus? The dean shakes his head and takes a guess. DEAN O'DELL: A quality education? Mel chuckles long and loud at that. MEL: No. It was hanging out on the front porch of my frat, watching the girls go by, drinking beer. I had such a good time here at Hearst, in fact, that I've been very generous over the years. Wouldn't you say I've been generous? Mel makes it sound like a threat and O'Dell nods haplessly with furrowed brow. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY. A plate of pasta with a piece of garlic bread on the side is served up to Veronica. SERVER: Here you go. Veronica takes it unenthusiastically. She is in the queue with Mac and Wallace next to her. They watch with concern as Veronica stares listlessly down at her food. Veronica doesn't move. Mac glances at Wallace, then back at Veronica. MAC: Veronica? Veronica looks up, as if coming out of a trance. VERONICA: I'm fine. Mac and Wallace speak simultaneously. MAC: I know. We know. But it's okay if you're not. WALLACE: Nobody said you weren't. You're Veronica Mars. Veronica hurries to reassure them. VERONICA: I'm fine, seriously. I just told the two of you 'cause I figured you should know. I'm not looking for a pity party. WALLACE: That's good. I always get stuck blowing up the pity balloons. MAC: Is there anything that we can do for you? VERONICA: Nope. I...we're done with this topic. I just shared some info. Moving on. Veronica's smile doesn't reach her eyes. The three of them are joined by Piz who joins the end of the line. PIZ: Hey, gang. What's the word? Is it "avuncular"? All three stare at him. Piz is oblivious to the mood. PIZ: No? Just a shot in the dark. Hey, set your dials to K-Ruff tonight. I mean, we're already moving on as to what to do with the whole Greek Row ghost town next semester. He laughs. PIZ: I got this one guy coming on the show - wants to turn it into an ROTC training battlefield. Quality radio, people. Veronica is staring at the floor whilst the other two continue to stare at him as if he was from outer space. Piz's smile finally starts to fade in his confusion. PIZ: What? INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY. Keith finishes pouring two cups of coffee in the small kitchenette. O'Dell is standing at the door to the kitchenette. KEITH: You say your wife doesn't kiss you like she used to? DEAN O'DELL: I know how it sounds, Keith. Keith hands one of the cups to the dean. KEITH: How long you been married? DEAN O'DELL: Six years. Keith moves out of the kitchenette, but O'Dell stays by the door, so Keith leans the other side of the door frame to face him. KEITH: Simply sounds normal, Cyrus. I'm sure everything's fine. O'Dell takes a swig from his "Life Ain't Fair" mug. DEAN O'DELL: Still, I'd like to be able to shake this feeling. She's on the 4:30 to Sacramento. She is, as she usually is, travelling with her associate, Wally Wernkey. He's handsome, he's a bit more age-appropriate for my wife, and I've seen him wipe Ranch dressing from her chin at a faculty function. Keith nods sagely. The dean is a little desperate. DEAN O'DELL: Will you take the case, Keith? Keith sighs. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. Keith is at the kitchen counter, writing a note to Veronica on a post-it, when he hears her enter the apartment. He doesn't look up. KEITH: Hey, there you are. Veronica sees his bag on the counter. VERONICA: Going somewhere? Keith does Charlie Chan, which slightly startles Veronica. KEITH: Oh, very good, number-one daughter. You might make a detective yet. He glances at her as she slouches against the counter. KEITH: I'm off to Sacramento. Husband thinks his wife is fooling around in capital city. Here's my hotel information. He passes over the post-it, sticking it on the counter in front of her. Veronica nods. He has picked up her mood and looks at her with concern. KEITH: You all right, honey? VERONICA: Logan and I broke up. KEITH: I'm sorry to hear that. Are you okay? Veronica nods. KEITH: I can put off this assignment. VERONICA: No, you go. I'm fine. Just kind of unexpected. KEITH: You sure? Keith rubs her back. Veronica nods again and speaks softly. VERONICA: Go. Keith leans forward and kisses her on the forehead. He takes another look at her before walking around her and grabbing his bag. He looks back at her. She's staring into space. He pauses with his hand on the door. KEITH: Honey? Veronica turns to him with a smile. VERONICA: [firmly] Go. A little reluctant, Keith goes out the cut. Cut to later as Veronica steps into the shower. She takes a deep breath and turns to wet her hair. She turns back and is finally losing her composure. She starts to cry. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, RADIO STATION - NIGHT. The Food Court outside the station as seen through the large window is in full operation. Piz has a couple of guests - a conservatively dressed girl and a boy in combat gear. PIZ: We're back and we're talking about Greek Row. Jennifer? JENNIFER: Dean O'Dell refused to even read our proposal to turn one of the deserted Greek houses into a residence for devoutly Christian students. Had I been lobbying on behalf of the African American students or gay students, would I have been dismissed out of hand like that? No way. PIZ: Uh...as always, we have an empty chair here for Dean O'Dell, should he ever accept We Were Just Talking's standing invitation to join us on-air and defend himself. Piz points to his other guest. PIZ: Lieutenant McGee, you have a radical plan for what should become of the Greek houses. They all turn around at the sound of the door to the studio opening. Dean O'Dell strides in. He points to the broadcast table and paraphernalia. DEAN O'DELL: Which one of these is mine? Piz, somewhat surprised, indicates the empty chair next to him. PIZ: T-take that one. As the dean clears his throat, Piz gestures to his engineer to switch on the dean's microphone before returning to the broadcast. He claps. PIZ: And like magic, we have our illustrious dean here with us. Dean O'Dell, What do you got for us? DEAN O'DELL: I felt it was imperative to get this news out as quickly as possible to the student body. It was recently discovered that one of our Board of Trustees members who voted to abolish the Greek system at Hearst owns property currently leased by several of the Greek houses. Due to this conflict of interest, his vote has been nullified. A few people in the Food Court are starting to take an interest and gather at the window. DEAN O'DELL: Hearst Charter dictates that the dean of the university is allowed to cast the, uh, dissenting vote in just such an occurrence, and I voted to retain the Greek system. A couple of boys sitting at one of the tables stands and cheers. One of the girls gathered at the window does a disgusted "What?" Behind her, the boys high-five. DEAN O'DELL: Thank you for your time. That is all. The dean stands and exits as quickly as he arrived. Piz's guests are disappointed. PIZ: Uh, all righty, then. The Greeks are back. Let's go to the phones. There are a few lines flashing on the telephone in front of Piz. He selects the first. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Music: unidentified. It's the turn of the Pi Sigs to celebrate. Being too lazy/pissed/uncreative to make a float, they simply ride around in an SUV with big wheels. A few frat brothers, including a shirtless Dick, stand on the back seat, appearing through the sun roof. They whoop and cheer as they drive slowly around the campus. DICK: Yeah! Whoo! Yeah! What's up, girls? Ha-ha! Like the Liliths before them, they garner differing reactions from the students they pass. End music unidentified. Music: "Have You Never Been Mellow" by Olivia Newton-John. LYRICS: Have you never been mellow? Have you never tried- The dean is also driving through the campus, listening to his choice of music on the radio/CD player. He peers in astonishment at the sight of the Pi Sigs. End music: "Have You Never Been Mellow" by Olivia Newton-John. Music: Unidentified. Outside, Dick continues to cheer. DICK: Yeah! Whoo! The SUV slowly passes the dean as he stares up at them. End music unidentified. Music: "Have You Never Been Mellow" by Olivia Newton-John. LYRICS: Have you never been happy Just to hear your song? Have you never let someone else be strong? Running around as you do with your head up in the clouds The dean shakes his head and then carries on. He slows as he sees two small groups of girls hanging around the entrance to the parking area. They stare at him as he passes the first group. In front of him, Fern emerges from behind a parked van. She walks into the road, blocking his path. In the empty parking space beside the van is another, larger group of girls waiting. Dean O'Dell stops the car and stares at Nancy. He jerks back when an egg hits the windshield. It signals all the other girls to throw eggs and attack the car, rocking it in place, shouting as they do. ANGRY GIRLS: Rapist! Traitor! Pig! You're gonna pay for what you did to us! End music: "Have You Never Been Mellow" by Olivia Newton-John. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE - DAY. The dean, clearly flustered by events, bursts through the door from the corridor, heading for the inner sanctum of his office. DEAN O'DELL: Get me a roster of all the women of Lilith House. CORA: You have a guest. O'Dell pauses and turns to face his assistant, seeing as he does Keith sitting in a chair in the corner behind her. CORA: I told him that without an appointment- DEAN O'DELL: Keith, come right in. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - CONTINUING. Keith follows O'Dell into the inner office. DEAN O'DELL: Have a seat. KEITH: Thanks. Both men take their seats. Keith gets out a notebook. DEAN O'DELL: So...what you got? KEITH: Only good news. You have nothing to worry about except, perhaps, your apparent lack of gaydar. DEAN O'DELL: I don't know what that is. KEITH: Wally Wernkey's gay. O'Dell leans back in his chair, surprised. KEITH: Your wife spent the night in her room alone, and Wally, on the other hand, visited, in succession... Keith reads off his notebook. KEITH: The Boathouse, Oilcan Harry's, and Taboo. DEAN O'DELL: Let's both just forget that I ever doubted my wife. KEITH: [whispering] Consider it forgotten. Cora knocks on the door on her way in, carrying a newspaper. CORA: You need to see this. I circled it. She hands it to O'Dell. DEAN O'DELL: What is it? CORA: It's a classified ad warning the student body to stay away from the Pi Sig party. The newspaper is opened in the classified. As well as the circled announcement, there are ads for jobs (including one for Trixie Showgirls on the promise of "money your parents don't need to know about," and for someone who might "Know fish? We can't see to keep...friends alive for long enough to enjoy. Maybe we're doing something wrong but we've tried everything"), for places to rent (for example, for a newly refurnished condo where students can "Study in style"), and for services ("Bills dragging you down? Don't let them take you to Depressionville, our Personal and Business financial assistants will help you find you way out of the mired fields of debt you've accumulated. Call Kevin or Patricia today with your problems. We'll help them disappear."). The dean reads the circled ad aloud. DEAN O'DELL: "I'll choose my next victim at the Pi Sig party tomorrow night. You've been warned." O'Dell looks up at a troubled Keith. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY. Veronica, now sporting a fringe, strides down one of the pathways, passing a Take-Back-the-Night table. Parker is working at the far end of it and calls out to her. PARKER: Veronica? Hey, come here. Cut to a few moments later. Veronica is holding up the same paper, reading the same ad. She drops the paper, appalled. VERONICA: "I'll choose my next victim at the Pi Sig party"? Parker shakes her head. PARKER: The rapist is getting cocky. VERONICA: Yeah, or Nish just wants to scare girls away from the frat blow-out. PARKER: If that was the plan, I don't think it's working. We probably had a hundred girls stop by and pick up these. Parker holds out a coaster. Veronica takes it and stares at it. VERONICA: Coasters? PARKER: Special coasters. You pour a drop of your drink on them, and they'll turn red if there's any GHB or Rohypnol in it. VERONICA: You mind if I take a bunch of these? PARKER: Planning on tying one on? You can test ten drinks on one card. VERONICA: I suddenly find myself with free time and in need of a project. Parker reaches down to pick something else up from the table. PARKER: You do get one of these, as well. She holds it out for Veronica to take. PARKER: A rape whistle, just in case. VERONICA: You actually think people would come a-running, huh? Parker shrugs. VERONICA: You have more faith in mankind than I do, my friend. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - DAY. Veronica is sitting in front of the dean's desk. He is holding the coaster. DEAN O'DELL: What's it do? VERONICA: It turns red if there's a date-rape drug in the drink. You should require the Pi Sigs make them available at the party. DEAN O'DELL: I think I will. O'Dell shouts out. DEAN O'DELL: Cora, track down Chip Diller for me. VERONICA: I poked around at the newspaper office. No explanation on how the ad made it into the paper. They think it was changed at the printer's. DEAN O'DELL: You're a credit to the college, my dear. VERONICA: Well, aren't you warm and cuddly for being the most reviled man on campus? DEAN O'DELL: My life doesn't begin and end at the university. My wife's getting back from Sacramento today, and I've got something special planned. Veronica immediately gets the significance. VERONICA: Sacramento? INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CRIMINOLOGY LECTURE ROOM - DAY. Veronica pulls back her hair as she watches and listens to Landry, pacing at the front of the room under a slide projection of a close-up fingerprint. LANDRY: What an enlightening weekend I had. You learn a lot about people when you read their "Plan a Perfect Murder" papers. I must say, I'm a little frightened to appear before you today, and it's not just that a good half-dozen of you offed me. He looks down at one of his students in the second row. LANDRY: A chain saw, Biggles? Really? Biggles shrugs. LANDRY: Let's see. We got rid of a full score of ex-girlfriends and ex-boyfriends, the local sheriff bit the dust... Veronica's expression reveals the author of that particular paper. LANDRY: And several of you decided to turn yourselves into only children. As to how perfect your perfect murders were, eh, the results fell pretty naturally into a bell curve. Didn't even have to adjust. Tim Foyle is in the process of handing out the graded papers. He hand Veronica hers. She got an A. There's an additional note on the front: "See Me, Tim." LANDRY: I will be posting the three A papers on the class website so you can see examples of what I am looking for. Timothy stands over her long enough for her to acknowledge the request with a rueful expression. LANDRY: For those of you who got A's, congratulations. You can get away with murder. Veronica smiles. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOYLE'S OFFICE - DAY. Veronica knocks on the door of Tim's darkened office and pokes her head around. VERONICA: Tim? He is not there. Veronica steps in anyway and walks over to the board that contained all the rape material her last visit. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Okay, but you should know, if you're gonna make me wait, I'm gonna pore over your creepy rape-investigation board. Added to what was seen in 306 "Hi, Infidelity" is a picture of the current (?) Pi Sigs - forty-one of them. A few of the pictures are circled. VERONICA VOICEOVER: What's this? Dick, Chip Diller, and what's his face? Behind her, Tim enters the office and sees her. TIM: Can I help you find something? VERONICA: What's with the circled Pi Sigs? Are you onto something? TIM: Did I miss something? Are we working together now? Are we Starsky and Butch? VERONICA: Cagney and Pastey. TIM: I think I'll keep my findings to myself. Tim heads for his desk. TIM: When I solve it, I want Dr. Landry to know where credit's due. VERONICA: And here I thought we were trying to protect girls. TIM: Huh. Then you want to share your working theories with me? Veronica doesn't respond. TIM: Excellent. Now, about your paper, I-I wanted to give you the opportunity to fix some of these syntax and book marking errors before I post it online. Steps are heard behind Veronica and Tim looks up and smiles. TIM: Ah, Veronica, have you met my girlfriend? Veronica turns and sees Bonnie Capistrano whom she last saw leaving the Pi Sig house after sleeping with Dick and another Pi Sig frat brother. Bonnie steps towards in a friendly manner. BONNIE: Hi. Bonnie looks at her quizzically. BONNIE: Have we met? Veronica takes a moment before sparing them all the scene. VERONICA: I don't think so. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. Veronica is at the kitchen counter, having soup and contemplating events. VERONICA VOICEOVER: So Tim Foyle's girlfriend likes Dick and sundry other Pi Sigs. So what, if anything, does that mean? Keith enters the apartment. He looks at the soup and grimaces. KEITH: Soup? You know how I feel about soup. It's a side dish. VERONICA: There's a meat loaf in the oven. KEITH: Now we're talking. Keith heads for the oven. VERONICA: Dad, you know that case you took up in Sacramento? KEITH: Yeah. False alarm. I got to deliver good news for once. Keith gets his meatloaf out of the office. VERONICA: Dean O'Dell's wife is cheating on him with Dr. Landry, my criminology professor. Keith stares at her unhappily. KEITH: And how'd you- VERONICA: I dropped by his office. He told me his wife just got in from Sacramento. Two and two. KEITH: And how'd you- VERONICA: I saw the two of them together at the Neptune Grand. He checks in under the pseudonym Rory Finch. You should double-check, but I'm certain it's true. Are you gonna tell him? KEITH: You know the rules, honey. I have to. Keith is saddened by this turn of events and is clearly not looking forward to what he has to do. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, WALLACE AND PIZ'S DORM ROOM - DAY. Moe, arms folded across his body, is staring down at Wallace and Piz, sitting side by side with Wallace on his desk chair and Piz on the end of Wallace's bed. MOE: I don't exactly know how to put this. It's the sort of thing that makes me hate being a resident advisor, but I have to ask. Someone has been leaving a surprise in the third stall every day for the past two weeks. Wallace glances at Piz and smirks. Piz looks back at Wallace, hardly believing what he is hearing. He puts on a straight face. MOE: This person apparently never learned how to flush, and it's my amateur medical opinion that he's also suffering from what must be a terminal disease. So? WALLACE: Not guilty, man. Piz is thinking very hard. PIZ: Third stall stage right or stage left? Wallace laughs as Moe takes the question seriously, working it out with his fingers. MOE: Stage right. PIZ: Yeah, not guilty, either. Veronica arrives in the room, her thumbs tucked in her belt. VERONICA: Howdy, boys. Anyone up for going to a Pi Sig blow-out? Beer and ladies and music and other stuff guys like, I'm sure. Veronica is getting no response and tries harder, much to the amusement of Wallace and Piz, and the bemusement of Moe. VERONICA: Fast cars, loose slots, electronic gadgetry, televised sports, pornography. Nothing? None of this grabs you? PIZ: We were already planning on going. WALLACE: I think everybody at Hearst is gonna be there. VERONICA: Awesome. Then you can help me out. WALLACE: Suddenly it sounds like a lot less fun. Veronica points at Moe. VERONICA: What about you? Moe, are you going? MOE: Sort of. I'm driving the Take-Back-the-Night cart for the early shift. Veronica holds out her hand. VERONICA: Give me your phone. Moe does so without hesitation, pulling it from his pocket. Veronica punches some buttons. VERONICA: Here's my number. Call me if you pick up any girls who are beyond drunk or shady guys lurking around. MOE: Sure. VERONICA: Excellent. Meet you boys out front, nine sharp. I really appreciate it. Veronica spins around and prances out. Piz stares after her, confused, as Wallace, the experienced campaigner, looks up at the ceiling. PIZ: What are we doing? Wallace shakes his head. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MAC AND PARKER'S DORM ROOM - DAY. Mac is sitting cross-legged on her bed, staring up at Veronica in disbelief. MAC: Are you freaking kidding me? The Pi Sig mega apocalypse? Veronica nods. MAC: Hump the furniture, party back to the Stone Age, fifty-keg bacchanalia? Veronica smiles brightly. VERONICA: Sounds fun, right? MAC: Will they let me in? I think all the glitter has come off my p0rn star tube top. VERONICA: Please, Mac. I could really use the help. Mac continues to frown, seemingly implacable. Veronica sighs and sinks to her knees. She smacks her hands together in prayer and gives Mac her puppy-dog stare. Mac stares back for a moment. MAC: [resigned]Resistance is futile. Veronica grins. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE - NIGHT. O'Dell exits his own office. Cora is at work by her desk. DEAN O'DELL: Thanks for coming in on a Saturday, Cora. Here's to a better week next week. CORA: Night, Cyrus. O'Dell goes out to the corridor. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, HALLWAY - CONTINUING. He starts walking down the corridor but comes to a halt when he sees Keith. From his face, the dean knows what is coming. Keith looks at him sympathetically. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - NIGHT. Cut to a little later. The dean, in a state of shock is sitting at his desk. Keith is standing in front of the desk, pointing at various parts of papers laid out in front of O'Dell. KEITH: I've highlighted the cell phone calls they've made to each other, as well as the numerous charges made to Professor Landry at the Neptune Grand. O'Dell nods. He swallows hard. KEITH: He always checked in under the pseudonym Rory Finch and paid cash for the room but charged drinks at the bar and dinner at the restaurant. Those dates mean anything to you? DEAN O'DELL: If I recall correctly, these coincide with the nights of Mindy's junior league meetings. O'Dell's voice quivers and when he picks up the papers, his hands are shaking violently. Keith looks close to tears for the man. He swallows. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE, PI SIG FRATERNITY HOUSE - NIGHT. Music: unidentified The party has started and there is a large crowd already outside the front of the house, queuing to get in. Veronica and her troops are next in line. They are about to face the frat brother at the door - Drew Barndale, last seen having his drink thrown over him by Veronica in 216 "The Rapes of Graff." Drew spots Veronica and is not thrilled to see her, but he carries on dealing with others while Veronica gives out her orders. VERONICA: So, here's the plan. She hands Piz a stack of coasters which he splits between himself and Wallace. Veronica hands more to Mac. VERONICA: Do your own thing at the party, but if you see a girl who looks out of it, sneak up to her drink, dip the coaster in, see if it turns red. If it does, the drink is dosed. WALLACE: If you see a really cute girl and you want to dance with her? VERONICA: Dance. Just know that your libido caused some girl to get raped. WALLACE: That kinda takes the fun out of it. VERONICA: Hey, it's your life. WALLACE: Since when? VERONICA: See? Veronica gets something out of her bag. VERONICA: You give me a hard time, I'm less enthusiastic about giving you the little "thanks for helping" presents I made for everybody this afternoon. Veronica holds out three ID cards. VERONICA: Congratulations. You're all twenty-one. Wallace laughs. Mac is awed. PIZ: I can buy myself a beer cup. Veronica turns to the small table by the front door at which Drew is sitting. On the table are stacks of large plastic cups, some white, some red, a cashbox, and a box of wrist tags. There's a sign by the table: "If under 21 $5.00 Red Soda Cup. 21 + Up $10.00 White Beer Cup. Drew looks up at Veronica and her party. Seeing who it is, Veronica's eyes turn heavenward. DREW: Looky here. My favourite drink tosser. I'm so happy you came to Hearst. WALLACE: Seriously, does anyone like you? Drew puts her money in the cashbox and goes into his spiel. DREW: IDs out. Show them to our friend from the Hearst police department. Veronica, Wallace and Piz all show their fake IDs to a person standing at the door. Drew holds up a white cup. DREW: Beer cups are ten bucks. He holds up a red cup in his other hand. DREW: Soda cups are five. Everyone must purchase one or the other. Piz hands over his money for a white cup. Drew passes him a wrist tag and his white cup, together with a pen. DREW: Right wrist. Print your name legibly on this cup. Use only this cup. Do not share that cup with a minor. In the meantime, Veronica has picked up the coasters available on the table. She checks them. Mac passes over $5.00. MAC: I'll take a soda cup. Drew hands her a red cup and label. She notices Piz staring at her in horror. MAC: Like I'm gonna drink in there. Veronica holds out one of the Pi Sig coasters. VERONICA: These are your rape-testing coasters? This is what you're handing out? DREW: Yeah. Don't get raped. VERONICA: Where's Chip Diller? Drew points to inside the house. Veronica spins around and marches in. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, PI SIG FRATERNITY HOUSE - CONTINUING. End music: unidentified. It's packed inside. The music is mixed as the sounds of what is playing out front and out back (the Diamond Smugglers playing live) mix. Most people are drinking from white cups. Veronica threads her way through the crowd before finding Chip in a corner, talking to a girl. He is still sporting a very short haircut. VERONICA: Chip? He's not thrilled to see Veronica. She holds up one of the Pi Sig coasters which is blank on one side. VERONICA: I want you to take a look at these coasters and see if you can spot the difference. Item one - printed on two sides with the name of the drug-testing manufacturer on it, distributed at the Take-Back-the-Night booth. Item two - printed on one side, handed out at the Pi Sig party. One tests for date-rape drugs. My guess? The other tests to see whether drinks are wet. CHIP: You don't know that. Find me a laced drink, and let's see if it works. Go on, go on. Find one. He checks his watch. CHIP: I'll time you. Veronica sneers and drops the real coaster she is holding into his companion's drink. VERONICA: There you go, Bambi. If it turns red, he's trying to rape you. If it doesn't, he still might be trying to rape you. How do you live with yourself? Chip smirks. CHIP: Oh, it's a struggle, but I manage. With an expression of disgust, Veronica walks away. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE, PI SIG FRATERNITY HOUSE - NIGHT. On the stage set up in the back garden, the Diamond Smugglers, a Neil Diamond tribute band, are playing live, doing their rendition of "Sweet Caroline." Behind them, huge and made out of crushed beer cans, are the Greek letters of the fraternity. The crowd are having a great time. Wallace and Piz are elevated above them, surveying the people. DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: Hands, touchin' hands Reachin' out, touchin' me, touchin' you Sweet Caroline Good times never seemed so good PIZ: You know, when you think about it, it's not so different from going to a party normally, except instead of trying to avoid the girl that's gonna puke in your car- Wallace points at a couple in the crowd. WALLACE: Look. Drunk girl, ten o'clock. The girl has her arm up on the shoulders of a much taller boy. She's holding her white cup but otherwise looks out of it, the boy keeping her up as they slow dance. DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: And I've been inclined Piz suddenly appears before the couple, dancing. DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: To believe they never would Piz points at them, getting the guy's attention. He goes into a unique dance, keeping him distracted as Wallace appears behind them and dunks a piece of the coaster into the girl's cup. DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: Oh, no, but look at the night He looks at it for a moment, then up at Piz, whose dance is getting more and more bizarre. DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: It don't seem so lonely We fill it up with only two Piz spots Wallace in desperation. Wallace finally shakes his head and gestures at his throat, indicating that Piz can stop. Piz finishes on a bow. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, PI SIG FRATERNITY HOUSE - CONTINUING. Back in the house, Dick is sitting on one of the couches. Bonnie is sitting in his lap. Veronica sees them and heads over to them. Dick says something that amuses Bonnie and she giggles and taps his nose. BONNIE: You're so cute. Before they are even aware that she is there, Veronica dips a piece of coaster in her drink rapidly before sitting on the arm of the couch. VERONICA: Hi, Bonnie. So, where's your boyfriend tonight? BONNIE: Do you see a ring? DICK: Hey, Veronica. Where's your boyfriend tonight? Oh, wait, I'm so sorry. You don't have one anymore. Bummer. VERONICA: Man, when I look at the two of you, all I see are a couple of Petri dishes. My advice? Use protection, lots and lots of protection. Veronica leaves. Bonnie nods happily, not sensing the sarcasm. Dick leans in and they start to kiss. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE, PI SIG FRATERNITY HOUSE - NIGHT. Back outside, the Diamond Smugglers have moved onto "Thank the Lord for the Night Time." DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: Daytime turns me off I don't mean maybe Mac is standing, watching them, her face dour. She has her red cup in her hand and "Ask me about my STD" on her t-shirt. DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: Nine to five ain't takin' me where I'm bound A guy comes upon Mac and makes no disguise of looking her up and down. Mac senses his presence without enthusiasm. RICO: Hey, there. DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: When it's done, I run out to see my lady He grins. Mac's expression doesn't change. He presses on regardless. RICO: Hey, there. You have an STD. He laughs. RICO: Classic. DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: We get groovin' when the sun goes down RICO: You are one major minor, you know that? Mac raises her eyebrows. Rico pulls out a flask. DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: Thank the Lord for the night time To forget the day RICO: Want me to slip a little whiskey in that cola of yours? DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: No more uptight time 'Cause I chase it away MAC: Sure. Mac holds out her cup and Rico pours whiskey from the flask into it. He then takes a swig. DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: I get relaxation More time to groove Mac dips in a piece of coaster and holds it up to examine. Rico is bemused. Satisfied that it isn't drugged, Mac pours the contents of her cup out behind her. DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: Thank the Lord for the night time I thank the Lord for you MAC: Thanks. Mac smiles and returns to watching the band. Rico is taken aback. He watches the band for a moment then raises his flask to Mac before hurrying away, defeated. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - NIGHT. Dean O'Dell pours the last of a bottle into a glass. DEAN O'DELL: What makes a man do it, Keith - sleep with another man's wife? Is there no honour left? He's moved over to the small couch, with Keith on one of the chairs to face it. Keith frowns, hardly in a position to be too damning. KEITH: Less than there should be, I'm afraid. He makes a quick, rueful grin. O'Dell tries to get up with the empty bottle but falls back onto the couch. DEAN O'DELL: Whoa. Ow. KEITH: Can I help you with something, Cyrus? DEAN O'DELL: A refill. It seemed a much shorter distance earlier. Keith takes the glass. KEITH: What's the rest of your evening entail? DEAN O'DELL: Passing out on this couch. KEITH: All right, then. Keith gets up and takes the glass over to a side table. DEAN O'DELL: They warned me, Keith. "She's much too young for you." Keith picks up a bottle. O'Dell gasps. DEAN O'DELL: Keith, no! He sighs in relief having stopped Keith from cracking open the bottle. DEAN O'DELL: Do you know what you're holding? Keith looks down at the bottle. KEITH: A bottle of scotch. DEAN O'DELL: That's a forty-year-old bottle of Glen Cracken. One of the chief joys of my existence is the anticipation of tasting the contents of that bottle. But for tonight, I'm just getting drunk. Pour me the swill. Smiling, Keith replaces the bottle and picks up another one. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE, PI SIG FRATERNITY HOUSE - NIGHT. The band is still on "Thank the Lord for the Night Time." Wallace and Piz make their way through the crowd. DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: It seems like just one time I'm feelin' cool They tap a girl who is dancing on the shoulder. DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: Thank the lord for the night time When I forget the day She turns to face them. JANIA: Yeah? WALLACE: Ah, is that your friend? Wallace points down and the camera follows his gaze, revealing another girl lying on the ground, unconscious. She glances down. JANIA: So? PIZ: You think she's okay? JANIA: We called the Safe-Ride-Home people already. She points behind them. JANIA: Look, there they are. Happy? DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: Thank the Lord for the night time Thank the Lord for you Moe is making his way through the crowd. He is followed by Fern. MOE: Hey, guys. Mind helping us out with this one? PIZ: Yeah, no sweat. We got it. Here. Piz goes to hand Moe his cup but in the meantime Fern has bent down, picked the girl up and slung her over her shoulder. She glares as Wallace and Piz. FERN: Nice way to take care of your friend. Wallace and Piz are too stunned to protest and Fern carries the girl off. MOE: Don't mind her. Moe rolls his eyes. MOE: She's always like that. DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: Thank the Lord for the night time Yeah, yeah, yeah. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - NIGHT. The dean is now lying on the sofa. Keith is slipping on his jacket, gazing at him with some concern. KEITH: Sure I can't give you a ride home? DEAN O'DELL: What's the point? My wife has a junior league meeting tonight. Ha! I'll just sleep here. He snuggles into the couch looking for all the world as if he is about to go to sleep. Keith leaves. O'Dell instantly becomes more alert, checking that Keith has left the outer office. Once satisfied, O'Dell goes to his desk. He opens one of his drawers and gets some keys. He unlocks a lower drawer and pulls out a revolver. He spins the chamber. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, PI SIG FRATERNITY HOUSE - NIGHT. Music: unidentified. Veronica comes down the stairs, still actively looking for potential victims. She pauses when she sees Tim Foyle enter the fraternity. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Tim Foyle? Here? This can't be good. Tim enters the lounge and sees Bonnie and Dick. He races over to them. TIM: That's it, Bonnie. I've had enough! He screams this and accompanies it with a grand gesture. Veronica, who has followed him in, pauses at the door, observing. TIM: I've known about all of them. I've known about every knuckle-dragging frat boy you've given a free ride, but guess what. I wasn't sitting back and taking it. Not at all! For every guy you were with, I was with someone new myself. Did you think I didn't know? I know everything! End music: unidentified. It's quite a performance and Tim has succeeded in gaining the attention of everyone within hearing distance. He looks around and then storms off. Veronica sets off to follow him, passing a barely fazed Bonnie and a barely conscious Dick on the way. BONNIE: Looks like I'm single. As Veronica rounds the corner, she freezes. Logan is chatting to a blonde girl. Mercer is next to him, talking to a brunette. BLONDE: You do? LOGAN: So, what? Did you mother give that to you or something? BLONDE: What? Yeah. BRUNETTE: Yeah, I saw that one, too. So good. Logan looks up and sees Veronica. They stare at each other across the room. The two girls bid farewell to the hot guys. BLONDE: I'll see you later. BRUNETTE: What? Okay. Bye. They leave and Veronica walks forward to stand in front of Mercer and Logan, having eyes only for the latter as he does for her. MERCER: Hey, Veronica. VERONICA: Hey. LOGAN: Hey. Mercer looks from one to the other and quickly forms the opinion that he is de trop. MERCER: Okay. You two have fun. Mercer makes to leave. VERONICA: You don't have to go, Mercer. I'm just saying hi. MERCER: Be that as it may, they're turning my show on after the band. Hope you brought your dancin' shoes. Mercer makes a sharp exit as Veronica and Logan continue to stare at each other. LOGAN: Well, let me guess. You're here because of the investigation. VERONICA: I am what I am. Any further discourse is interrupted when Wallace and Piz race over to them. Piz is holding out a piece of coaster. WALLACE: Hey! PIZ: We got a positive. LOGAN: A positive what? WALLACE: This cup was dosed with a date-rape drug. It belongs to some... Wallace checks the white cup he is holding. WALLACE: Kim Kaiser. VERONICA: So where's Kim Kaiser? PIZ: We asked around. N-no one's seen her, but we found someone who knows where she lives. She's off campus by the marina, uh, the Harbour View Apartments. VERONICA: All four girls were raped in their own rooms. We've got to get there. I parked on campus and walked. Who's got the closest car? LOGAN: I do, but you're staying here. I'll go. VERONICA: If you think- LOGAN: Veronica, please! Let me do this part. Veronica still has doubts but concedes. VERONICA: Okay, go. Be careful. WALLACE: I'll go with you. Wallace jerks his head and leads Logan out. Veronica shouts after them. VERONICA: Get her out of her apartment. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT - HEARST COLLEGE, PI SIG FRATERNITY HOUSE - NIGHT. Outside, the music is climaxing as the Diamond Smugglers are finishing their set. Veronica and Piz race through the cheering crowd to get to the stage. The music ends and the lead singer talks to the crowd. DIAMOND SMUGGLERS LEAD SINGER: That's all for us tonight, people. Club Flush is up next. Without any hesitation or apology, Veronica barges up and takes over the microphone. The lead singer backs away with his hands up. VERONICA: Hi, uh, we're looking for Kim Kaiser. We think she's been given a date-rape drug. If you've seen her or you're friends with her, please come find me. I'll be right in front of the stage. Veronica leaves the mic to take her place at the front of the stage. INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL - NIGHT. Professor Landry is lounging back in a bed, naked and sated. He's watching someone and groans. LANDRY: Don't go. Mindy, dressed and at the mirror, putting on her earring, smiles. LANDRY: I've got crème brûlée arriving any second. She finishes with her earring and adjusts her hair. MINDY: You know, maybe someday we'll have s*x and you won't be stoned. I swear I'm having an affair with Annie Hall. Landry chuckles and Mindy laughs, turning to view him directly, rather than through the mirror. She walks over to the bed, bends down and gives him a long kiss. It is interrupted by a knock at the door. Mindy glances at it, strokes Landry under the chin, and then goes to answer the door. It is her husband. She gasps in shock. DEAN O'DELL: Mind if I come in? He doesn't wait for an answer, pushing past Mindy. Landry sees who it is and bolts upright in the bed. Mindy watches O'Dell, her breathing quickened. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE, PI SIG FRATERNITY HOUSE - NIGHT. Music: unidentified. Veronica is standing on the stage, at the front still keeping a watchful eye on events in the crowd. A girl comes up behind her and taps her on the shoulder. KIM'S FRIEND: Are you the girl looking for Kim? Because Kim didn't come to the party. VERONICA: I saw her drink cup. KIM'S FRIEND: She lent her ID to her little sister, Carrie. VERONICA: Where's Carrie? KIM'S FRIEND: She wasn't feeling good. She was walking back to her room. VERONICA: Which dorm? KIM'S FRIEND: Benes Hall. You think she's all right? Veronica is already on the move. She jumps down from the stage just as Mercer's voice rings out. MERCER: Line one. You're first caller. What do you want to hear? End music: unidentified. Mercer's last sentence is warped, as the tape stretches. CALLER: Yeah, man, you got any Chicks on Speed? MERCER: Always, my friend, always. Music: unidentified by Chicks on Speed. LYRICS: Ow-ow-ow Ow-ow-ow Veronica looks back at the side of the stage, realising four things simultaneously: Mercer's phone-in request show can be taped, she is listening to a taped version, Mercer isn't there and Mercer is the rapist. She hurries away. End music: unidentified by Chicks on Speed. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - NIGHT. Sacks is taking point, working at Inga's station. A nervous deputy approaches him. ROOKIE DEPUTY: We just got a call, said a bomb was gonna go off at one of the residential halls up at Hearst. Sacks scoffs. ROOKIE DEPUTY: Should we evacuate it? SACKS: It's nothing. Happens all the time around finals. Let the Hearst police handle it. It's their jurisdiction. The deputy is uncertain. ROOKIE DEPUTY: Maybe I should ask the sheriff. Sacks glances back at him. SACKS: You want to call and wake him up? This is not an attractive prospect. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CARRIE'S DORM ROOM - NIGHT. The door opens into the darkened room. Someone enters and closes the door. The bedside lamp is turned on, revealing Mercer. He looks at the shelves above the lamp. MERCER: Unicorns, really? He glances down at the shape in the bed and sighs. MERCER: Well, we'll definitely be needing some mood music. He turns on the radio. Music: "Right Here, Right Now" by Fatboy Slim." LYRICS: Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here Waking up to find your love's not real Waking up to find your love's not real Waking up to find, waking up to find Waking up to find, waking up to find Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, here, here, here Waking up to find your love's not real Waking up to find your love's not real Waking up to find, waking up to find Waking up to find, waking up to find Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, right now Right here, here, here, here Mercer moans appreciatively. MERCER: You know, techno has a bad reputation, but I think it's undeserved. He addresses the lump under the covers. MERCER: Groan if you disagree. There's no response. MERCER: Good. We're on the same page. Mercer half-walks, half-dances over to the desk and takes off his jacket, hanging it on the back of the chair. He walks back over to the bed and sits on the side of it, next to the body. MERCER: It's unfortunate that when you wake up, all you'll know is that your hair is gone... He leans down and whispers. MERCER: Because it's gonna be good. I'd wager your best ever. He sits up again. MERCER: And it's a me thing, I'm sorry to say. I...have no patience. I mean, if I'd met you in a bar or, uh, at a party, I would have had you back here and on your back in an hour. [with increasing anger] But that's an hour of my life I would have never had back, an hour of listening to you talk about unicorns... He gets up and walks over to his jacket. MERCER: And your high-school boyfriend and how you hate the taste of beer. I'm just taking what you would have happily given. He takes the clippers out of his jacket pocket. He switches them on and off again. MERCER: I mean, that's hardly a crime. His monologue is interrupted by a thump from the closet. Mercer freezes for a second, looking in that direction. He throws the clippers down on the desk and strides to the closet. He opens it. Carrie is slumped there, unconscious. MERCER: What the- Behind him, Veronica, who is dressed in Carrie's pink quilted jacket, races to attack him with the taser. Mercer realises a split second before she reaches him and turns, managing to grab her arm and avoid the worst of the taser's bite. He throws her away from him, causing the taser to slide under the bed, out of reach. Veronica and Mercer end up on the floor, side by side on their backs. Veronica tries to scramble away, but Mercer gets hold of the jacket. Veronica wiggles out of it and gets to the door, but Mercer grabs her leg and pulls her down. She bangs her head hard on the floor as she hits. Mercer pulls her along the floor, away from the door. Veronica screams. VERONICA: Help! Mercer turns up the radio so the music blares out. MERCER: What are you doing here, Veronica? No one invited you. He lifts her up by her hair. Veronica cries out in pain. Bringing her to a standing position in front of him, his hands still firmly gripping her hair, Mercer looks down at her. MERCER: What am I gonna do with you? With a free hand, Veronica reaches up and scratches Mercer hard on his left cheek. It's his turn to cry out and he lets go of Veronica. MERCER: Aah! She starts to run again, but he grabs her. He punches her, sending her reeling to the ground. MERCER: [furious] That's my face, you bitch! He walks over to a full length mirror and checks the damage. Veronica has managed to score deep scratches on his cheek. In the mirror, Mercer can see Veronica trying to crawl away. MERCER: Oh, come back here, Veronica. Veronica has managed to get halfway under the bed. MERCER: Let's fix that hair of yours. Veronica gasps as she is pulled out by her ankles. She reaches out and grabs a discarded unicorn as she slides out. She spins around as she comes out from under the bed, stabbing Mercer in the leg with the unicorn's horn. He screams. MERCER: Aah! Mercer stumbles back from her, the unicorn still in his leg. He falls back against a chest of drawers. Veronica makes the most of the opportunity, scrambling up and out of the room. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, BENES HALL - NIGHT. She hits the wall immediately outside the door and starts to run. She casts a terrified look back and then races on. She reaches stairs and runs up them, sobbing. She comes to another corridor and hurries to the door of Wallace and Piz's room. She bangs on it desperately. VERONICA: Wallace, Piz, help! There's no response and she sinks down to the floor. Her nose is bloody and she has a nasty gash over her left eye. She pants and looks over at the way she came. As she turns her head back, she becomes aware of a pair of legs coming to a stop next to her. Her eyes travel slowly up the body in fear. It's Moe. MOE: Veronica, are you okay? VERONICA: It's Mercer. Mercer's the rapist. Moe is stunned. End music: "Right Here, Right Now" by Fatboy Slim. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MOE'S ROOM - NIGHT. In Moe's room, gingerly touches her face as she huddles on one of his chairs with a cup of tea. Moe is on his cell phone. MOE: Room 212 Benes hall. Get here as fast as you can. There's been an attempted rape, and the rapist may still be in the room. Hurry, please. Moe closes up the phone. MOE: They're on their way. VERONICA: The girl, Carrie Kaiser, she's still in the room. We can't wait. To soothe Veronica's agitation, Moe kneels down in front of her, holding up a reassuring hands and leaving the cell phone on his desk. MOE: I'll get a bunch of guys and go down there. Stay in here. You'll be safe. Veronica nods gratefully. Moe exits the room, locking the door behind him. Veronica glances around the room. Her eyes rest on the notice board. In addition to a Silver Sun poster, a notice of some sort, a couple of postcards and a post-it note with a phone number are a number of pictures of Moe. The one in the centre is of Moe in the t-shirts used in Dr. Kinny's experiment to denote prisoners. Next to him is Mercer, in the t-shirt of a guard. Veronica stands and moves towards the board to get a closer look. As she reaches it, she starts to feel the tell-tale effects of being drugged. The picture and the increasing disorientation make her realise that she is not out of danger. She backs away from the notice board in horror, stumbling slightly against the chair. The mug drops from her hand and smashes onto the floor. Increasingly incapacitated by the drugs in her system, she gets to the door, but she pulls and twists the handle futilely as it is locked from the outside. She leans back against the door, in a panic. She spots the window over which the curtains are drawn. She weaves her way to it and wrenches open the curtains. She opens the window and looks out. She's at least three floors from the ground and below is hard concrete. She gasps again, in terror and turns back into the room. She sees something that gives her some home. Cut to a few minutes later. She is hiding in the closet. She has Moe's cell phone. Her vision is seriously impaired as she clumsily tries to punch in a number - 555-0123. She brings the phone to her. It rings. VERONICA: [whispering] Dad, pick up. As she waits, she spots something on the top shelf of the closet above her. Keith answer machine picks up the call. KEITH: Hi, this is Keith Mars. Please leave your message after the tone. Veronica pulls herself up and reaches for the object, a hammer. It is resting under a box full of hair. Veronica manages to get it and sinks back down. She looks at the phone again and sees with shock that her hand has pulled down some loose hair as well. More falls on her and she brushes it away quickly. She freezes on hearing voices. Veronica stops breathing. MERCER: [offscreen] You said she was here, Moe. MOE: [offscreen] She was. EXT - HEARST COLLEGE, BENES HALL - NIGHT. From within Moe's room, Moe and Mercer look out of the open window to the concrete below. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MOE'S ROOM - CONTINUING. They pull back and Mercer bangs on the window frame in frustration. MERCER: You let her get away, Moe? MOE: I'm sorry, sir. Mercer punches him in the face. MERCER: I don't care that you're sorry. In the closet, the cell phone rings. Veronica gasps and goes to answer is quickly. In the room, Moe and Mercer hear the phone. VERONICA: Dad, help. The door to the closet opens. MERCER: Get the phone. Moe leans in to take the phone. As he goes to grab it, Veronica brings the hammer down on his foot. Bones crack. Moe screams. MOE: Aah! Oh! Moe hops away. Mercer grabs Veronica by one ankle and drags Veronica out of the closet. He leaves her on the floor to scream at Moe. MERCER: Shut up! Stop blubbering, prisoner. MOE: What are we gonna do with her? MERCER: I'm thinking. MOE: We're gonna get caught. Mercer backhands Moe across the face. MERCER: Shut up. We're not gonna get caught. Give me all the GHB you've got left. We'll get it down her throat. She won't remember last year, let alone last night. As Mercer barks orders at Moe, Veronica feels something in her pocket. She struggles to get it. MOE: I'm out of it. Mercer grabs Moe by his vest. Moe cringes away. MOE: No. MERCER: Then watch her. I'll go to my room. I got plenty. Veronica has managed to get the rape whistle out of her pocket and up to her mouth. She blows it for about three seconds before the boys get it away from her. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, BENES HALL, HALLWAY - CONTINUING. A couple of girls are walking up the hallway, oblivious to the rape whistle, but one of the dorm room doors opens. Parker emerges from her room, alert to the sound. She looks up and down the hallway. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MERCER'S ROOM - NIGHT. Mercer hobbles into his room. He goes to a low locker and pulls out a can. He unscrews the top and shakes a small bottle into his hand. He gazes at it determinedly. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, HALLWAY OUTSIDE MOE'S ROOM - NIGHT. Mercer gets back to Moe's floor, limply badly. He looks up. Parker is standing in the middle of the hallway, hands on hips, like Fury. MERCER: Hey, there. Uh, Parker, is it? PARKER: Going somewhere? Mercer points behind her. MERCER: Uh, yeah, as a matter of fact. He tries to pass her but Parker moves to stand in his way, putting her hand on his chest. PARKER: Where is she? MERCER: Uh, excuse me. Mercer puts his hand on her wrist to remove her arm. Parker starts to scream. PARKER: Rape! Parker drops her arm and leaps (in so much as he can) back. MERCER: Whoa! Parker is screaming at the top of her lungs. People start to come out of the rooms, including Moe. PARKER: Rape! Rape! Rape! MERCER: I just touched you. A beefy resident arrives from behind Parker. He steps between them. BEEFY RESIDENT: Buddy, what's up? He looks back to Parker. Another RA is standing near Moe. MOE: Mercer, what's going on? BEEFY RESIDENT: Who blew that whistle? MOE: [with increasing panic] Mercer, what do we do? Parker looks back at Moe, suspiciously. The questions are coming thick and fast and Mercer doesn't have an answer. The beefy resident looks down at Mercer's leg where one of the trouser legs has a large bloody patch. BEEFY RESIDENT: What happened to your leg, man? MERCER: Pet cougar, all right? Look, show's over, people, okay? Moe, shut up and get in your room. Good night, everyone. Sweet dreams. Parker continues to stares in accusation at Mercer. It gets to him. MERCER: [nastily] What are you looking at? Whether he heard something, or it simply served the script that he should say so out of the blue, the second advisor pipes up. SECOND RESIDENT: You got someone in your room, Moe? MOE: Mercer? Parker looks back at Moe again, getting that Moe is behaving like Mercer's bitch. MERCER: All right, you all have fun, okay? I'm out of here. Mercer backs up. There are two RA looking types students behind him. Although one seems to move to block Mercer's exit, they let him slip between them. MERCER: She's just a psycho, and you're all falling for it. Mercer turns and hastens to the doors to the staircase. MOE: Mercer, where are you going? Mercer! Moe races after him. Parker and the beefy resident watch him go. The second resident approaches Parker. SECOND RESIDENT: Are you okay? Breathing shakily, Parker nods and whispers. PARKER: Yeah. She runs to Mercer's door. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MOE'S ROOM - CONTINUING. She bursts in and gasps on seeing Veronica lying on the floor. She bends down to her. PARKER: Oh, my God, Veronica. Oh, my God. She lifts and cradles Veronica's head gently. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - NIGHT. The dean is asleep on the couch in his office, his arms folded into his body. An egg hits one of the windows, having been thrown from outside. He wakes up at the tap-tap sound as more eggs hit the window. Momentarily disoriented, he gets up and walks towards the source of the sound. He looks at the window and more eggs hit their target. Looking somewhat tragic, he watches as the gunk slides down the glass. A last egg is thrown. Someone opens the door to the office, casting light and a shadow on the dean as he gazes at the window. He turns his head and looks at the visitor in surprise. DEAN O'DELL: What are you doing here? INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - NIGHT. Keith is chewing out Sacks. KEITH: When a bomb threat's phoned in, you evacuate the building. That's procedure, Sacks. SACKS: Sorry, Keith. KEITH: I'm taking my daughter home now. Veronica is perched on the side, on the table where the coffee sits. She has a drink in a paper cup. She is still out of it, but less so than earlier. Keith helps her up. SACKS: Sheriff Lamb's on his way in. He wanted to talk to her. KEITH: [at a whisper] Yeah, right. Keith ignores the implied order than they stay, holding Veronica close and walking her towards the door. VERONICA: [groggily] I called you from Moe's phone. You've got his number saved on your phone now. He's not smart enough to turn it off. Keith nods. INT - MOTEL ROOM - DAY. In some anonymous motel room, Mercer, his trousers pulled down is surveying the damage to his leg. His breathing is ragged with the pain. He looks up and nods. Moe applies a pair of pliers to the wound. Mercer's breathing quickens at the increased pain and he screams as Moe extracts the unicorn horn buried deep in the leg. With Moe still holding the pliers over the leg, the door to the room is kicked in. Both guys look up in shock. It's Keith and he has his gun pointed straight at them. KEITH: Your ride back to Neptune is here, boys. I suggest you don't give me any more reason to shoot you. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. Veronica, her face still showing the effects of the night before, is curled up at one end of the couch, her face free of makeup and her hair pushed back with a hair band. VERONICA: Moe was the setup man. She is explaining to Mac, sitting at the other end of the couch, Wallace, sitting on the arm of the couch behind Mac, and Piz, crouched on the floor next to Wallace. VERONICA: He'd dose the victims, then call Mercer with the room number and give him the master keys he needed to get in. Moe was the one who shaved me in the parking lot. I don't think he ever planned on raping me. He was just providing an alibi for Mercer. WALLACE: Well, what did the Pi Sigs have to do with it? VERONICA: Nothing, just nights Moe and Mercer could be sure there'd be plenty of drunk girls, plus a convenient scapegoat. MAC: Has Logan been by? She shakes her head. VERONICA: I haven't seen him. INT - DINER - DAY. Two deputies are sitting at one of the booths by the big glass window. Their Sheriff's department vehicle can be seen through the window, parked on the opposite side of the service road in front of the diner. Music: "Can't Get Over You" by the Digbees. LYRICS: Baby, I could make a list of things that I would much rather do today But I think I'll lay right here and say The deputies are deep into their reading. The bonnet/hood of a black Range Rover can be seen parking on this side of the service road. The sound of someone exiting the car alerts one of the deputies, who looks out of the window. It's Logan, staring intently at the deputies through the window, to make sure he's noticed, as he makes his way purposefully towards their car. He's carrying a baseball bat. The other deputy looks up in time to see Logan raise the bat and smash the windscreen. The deputies scramble to extricate themselves from their booth. End music: "Can't Get Over You" by the Digbees. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT, CELL - DAY. In the cell, Moe is lying in the top bunk, facing the wall. Mercer is in the bottom bunk, lying on his back and staring at nothing. He doesn't react steps approaching the cell, the rattle of keys or the opening of the cell door. Logan enters the cell. Mercer finally looks over and sees Logan, never more like his father than now, flexing his fists. As the cell door slides shut behind Logan, Moe also turns to see the new arrival. Logan's eyes are burning into Mercer, threatening grievous bodily harm or worse. Mercer opens his mouth as if to say something, then closes it and sighs. INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - DAY. Weevil manages to get the door to the office open, despite carrying the large piece of equipment that will turn O'Dell's television into a wonder of high definition. He backs into the room and turns, glancing around the office, ready with a smile. He stops at the sight he sees. Dean O'Dell is slumped on his desk. His head resting on his keyboard. There is a bullet hole in his temple. Weevil stares disbelievingly. End.

Logan offers Veronica a choice, but neither option is beneficial for their relationship. To salvage their friendship, Logan dumps Veronica as a girlfriend. Under pressure, Dean O'Dell reinstates the Greek system. Veronica discovers the identity of the Hearst rapist after a Pi Sig fraternity party, but also finds herself in trouble. Keith tells Dean O'Dell about his wife's affair, and Weevil finds him dead hours later from a gunshot wound. Logan attacks a police car to get arrested and exact vengeance on the rapist for attacking Veronica.

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_02x13

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_02x13_0

-[Storybrooke]- (Mr. Gold knocks on the door to Mary Margaret's apartment. Emma answers.) Mr. Gold: Ready to go, Miss Swan? Emma: Almost. (Mr. Gold enters the apartment, and Henry enters the room with a suitcase and his coat.) Henry: Do you think we'll be cold where we're going, or warm? Emma: I think layers are always a good idea. Mr. Gold: I thought the terms of our agreement were quite clear. You owe me a favour - you alone. Emma: I'm not leaving Henry here with Cora lurking about, so either we both go, or we both stay. Mr. Gold: Then, we'll have to purchase another plane ticket, won't we? (Mary Margaret enters and helps Henry put on his jacket.) Emma: Wait. We're flying? Mr. Gold: Don't worry, I'm covering expenses. Even the new ones. (David overhears the conversation as he comes down the stairs.) David: You're a real gentleman, aren't you? Alright, Gold, you're going out there with my family. Just know, if anything happens to them... Mr. Gold: Then you'll what? Cross the town line? And David Nolan will hunt me down in his animal rescue van? David: I'll be devastated. This isn't a threat. It's a request. Take care of them. Mr. Gold: I promise no harm will come to your family. After all, we have a deal. [SCENE_BREAK] (Mr. Gold, equipped with the shawl around his neck, is driving. Emma is in the passenger seat, and Henry is in the back seat. They are heading down a deserted road in Mr. Gold's car.) Henry: So... Where are we going? Mr. Gold: Logan International Airport. Emma: I think he meant after that. Mr. Gold: Let's just take things one step at a time, shall we? Emma: You really think that shawl's going to work? Mr. Gold: Well, if it doesn't, and I revert to my cursed self, we're all going to have some problems. It'll work. (They pass the 'leaving Storybrooke' sign and a wave of magic passes over Mr. Gold. There is a brief pause.) Emma: So? Mr. Gold: My name is Rumpelstiltskin. And we're going find my son. [SCENE_BREAK] (At Mary Margaret's apartment, Mary Margaret is in the kitchen when David enters wearing two gun holsters.) MMB: You like the holster, huh? David: I miss carrying a sword. MMB: Well, it looks good on you. David: Come on. Leroy has the dwarves on Cora watch. They've got eyes everywhere, but they could use our help. MMB: Really? How hard can it be to find a powerful sorceress in a small town? (They go to leave. When they open the door, they find Regina, who was just preparing to knock.) David: Apparently, not very hard. MMB: Regina. You're back. Regina: I know you think I'm responsible for poor Dr. Hopper's death. David: He's... Alive. Regina: What? MMB: You were framed. Regina: Who would do that? MMB: Your mother. She's here. Regina: But... But that's... That's... Not possible. MMB: When we found a way back, so did she. We were wrong... And we're so sorry. Regina: I know. But, if Cora's here, then we're all in danger. Please, you have to let me see my son. I can protect him. MMB: He's not here. Regina: What? David: Mr. Gold asked Emma to help him find his son. They left town about an hour ago with Henry. Regina: And no one told me? MMB: We didn't know where you were. And, to be honest, Regina, I don't think Emma has to run anything by you. Regina: No, I suppose she doesn't. (Regina exits.) MMB: That went well. David: With her, it doesn't get much better. Come on. Let's go find Cora. MMB: Where? David: No idea. But I know who to ask. (David hands a quiver of arrows and a bow to Mary Margaret, and the two of them leave.) [SCENE_BREAK] (David, Mary Margaret, Leroy, and Hook are at the docks. Hook walks with an obvious limp.) Hook: You didn't even ask me about my recovery. MMB: How are you feeling, Hook? Hook: Come closer and feel for yourself. (David hits Hook.) David: You want to lose the other hand? Where's the ship? Come on. Archie told us. It's shielded somehow, isn't it, mate? Hook: Aye... That it is. Follow me. I don't know what you expect to find. Cora won't be there. David: Well, maybe she left something behind that will tell us where she went. Let's go. Leroy: No funny business. I'm watching you, pirate. Hook: Yes, Dwarf. That should deter me from any maleficence. MMB: Oh, don't worry, Leroy. He'll help us. Hook: What makes you so sure? MMB: Because you're a pirate. You know which way the wind blows, and, right now, it is gusting towards us. Hook: Oh. I see where your daughter got her gumption. Follow me. (They arrive at the pier where the ship is anchored. Hook walks up the invisible stairs and disappears behind the shield. The rest of them follow suit.) Leroy: You sailed this ship from our land. Can you sail it back? Hook: My ship? She's a marvel. Made from enchanted wood. We weathered many a storm together, seen many strange, glittering shores. But, to travel between lands, she must go through a portal. David: Yeah. What do you know about Cora's plans? Hook: Cora's not the most communicative of lasses. I will tell you this - whatever malice she has in mind, her weapon of choice is in here. (Hook gestures to a tarp covered box. Leroy and David pull back the tarp, revealing a cage. Inside, is the shrunken giant from the beanstalk. He is unconscious/sleeping.) MMB: Who's that? -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (At the giant's castle, the giants have gathered for dinner. One of them rings a bell to summon Anton. Anton enters.) Arlo: Ah. You're late, Tiny. Abraham: Missed you out in the fields, Tiny. Anton: It's Anton. Abraham: But you're just so damn tiny, Tiny. Arlo: Alright, enough squabbling. Now, today, we celebrate. After a century of hard labour, the time of the bean harvest has finally arrived. (The giants, save Anton, pound their fists into the table and cheer.) Anton: ...Yay. Arlo: But is a blossom more than its root? Is a harvest more important than a hard day's work? No. Each has value. Just as each of us has value. Hear, hear. Group: Hear, hear. (The giants stand up to toast, but are interrupted by a loud bang. They look over at Anton. A human-sized harp has slipped from his sleeve onto the table.) Arlo: You've been spending time in the treasure room again, haven't you? Anton: No. Maybe. So say that I was. So what? Arlo: Your fascination with the humans and their artifacts is misguided. No good can come of it. Anton: How can you say that, when you've never even been to their world? And you won't even let any of us go down there. Arlo: Have you forgotten what the humans did? Why we no longer trade beans with them? They weren't content merely traveling between the realms. They had to conquer and pillage. Anton: Because a few humans did some bad stuff, doesn't make them all evil. Arlo: They don't abide by the same laws that we do, Anton. We giants foster life. They destroy it. That is why they must never know that we still exist, or that we still grow the beans. Anton: But why do we keep growing them... If nobody ever uses them? (There is an awkward silence at the table.) Arlo: It's what we do. Anton: We don't do anything with them! Arlo: It is the labour that makes us who we are. Not the fruit that it yields. Abraham: What is this? A human toy? (Abraham picks up the harp and inspects it.) Anton: Put it down. (He crushes the harp in his hand and drops it to the floor.) Abraham: Not much fun, is it? Arlo: Abraham, that is enough. (Anton gets up from the table and runs out of the room. Arlo calls after him.) Arlo: Tiny! (Anton exits the castle until he comes to the beanstalk. He looks down and ponders. He then decides to climb down to earth.) -[Storybrooke]- (David and company are still on Hook's ship. They are gathered around Anton's cage.) Leroy: So, Cora used magic to make him travel-sized. Hook: Whatever she intends to do with him, it's important. David: Oh, I think you know exactly what she intends. You're holding out. Hook: Well, either have your lovely wife torture it out of me, which I promise will be fun for both- (David grabs Hook by the throat and shoves him against the wall.) David: Why don't you and I have some fun? Hook: I don't know what she's planning. Why don't you wake the bloody giant and ask him yourself? (Hook extends the key to the cage. Mary Margaret takes it and unlocks the door. She crouches down and touches Anton on the shoulder. He startles awake.) MMB: Hey... It's alright. You're safe now. (Anton crawls out of the cage.) MMB: What's your name? Anton: Anton. Where's that witch? MMB: She's gone. Anton: What did she do? She made me small. David: Come on. Let's get you out of here. Anton: You. David: Me? Anton: You! (Anton punches David in the face, causing him to fly backwards.) MMB: David! Leroy: Hey! Hey, over here, you big- (Leroy attempts to distract Anton, but is thrown down the stairs of the ship. Anton lunges at David, who has drawn his gun. He easily hits it out of his hand. Suddenly, Mary Margaret shoots an arrow past Anton's head.) MMB: Step away from my husband. Anton: You may have me outnumbered, but this isn't over. You think I forgot what you did? I didn't. You'll pay for your evil. I promise! You'll pay! (Anton flees the ship.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Belle is watching television in a common room at the hospital. Ruby enters with a basket of items.) Ruby: Hey. You don't remember me, do you? Belle: Sorry, no, I... I don't. Ruby: I'm Ruby. You used to come into my Granny's diner a lot. Before. I thought you could use some comforts from home. You were always telling me about Jules Verne, so I brought you my favorite - The Mysterious Island. Belle: Thank you. Were... Were we really friends? Ruby: Yeah, we were. Belle: Then tell me the truth. Before I was brought here, I was hurt. I was bleeding, and then this man came. And he... He healed me. Then, I saw him hold a ball of fire in his hands. How... How is that possible?! Ruby: The nurse said that the tranquilizers can give you wicked nightmares. Belle: No, I know what I saw. And I don't need any more tranquilizers or- Ruby: Belle... Belle: Don't call me that. Why does everyone keep calling me that? (A nurse enters to restrain Belle.) Belle: I don't... I'm telling you, I don't... Nurse: Take it easy. Take it easy. (The nurse sits her down in a chair and injects a sedative into her Belle's arm.) Ruby: Has she been like this the whole time? Nurse: More or less. We've had to keep her heavily sedated. Okay, let's get you back to bed. Belle: No... Nurse: Here we go. There. (The nurse escorts Belle out of the room. Meanwhile, Greg has entered and has seen the outburst.) Greg: Everything okay in here? Ruby: Everything's fine, Mr. Mendell. She's alright. How are you? Greg: Much improved. Ruby: Well, then, rest up. The sooner you're better, the sooner you can be out of our quiet little town. [SCENE_BREAK] (David, Mary Margaret, and Leroy are sitting in a booth at Granny's Diner.) MMB: David... Did that giant just say he'll make you pay? For what? David: I have no idea. I've never seen that guy before. Leroy: Well, he sure knows you. David: No. It's not about me. He just thinks it is. -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (At his castle, James and barely-clothed Jack are having a make out session.) James: You are a true wonder. Jack: I know. (James picks her up and carries her to the bed. He drops her onto it, and the two of them resume where they left off. However, King George enters and interrupts.) King George: I didn't know you had company, James. James: Father. This is my father, the King. Father, this is- King George: I don't care. The kingdom is teetering on bankruptcy. The name of your latest dalliance is of little concern to me. Jack: Pleasure to meet you, too, Your Majesty. King George: Good day. James: Care for a drink, Father? (James goes over to a side table to pour himself a drink.) King George: There'll be time for that later. Right now, there's trouble afoot. I just received word that there's a giant running amok in the outer village. James: I thought giants were extinct. Jack: I'd love the chance to battle one. King George: No. No killing. Not yet, anyway. This giant could be of use to us. James: Just tell me what needs to be done. -[Storybrooke]- (The trio is still at Granny's.) MMB: Your brother. That's who he thinks you are. David: It's the only thing that makes sense. Come on. MMB: Where are we going? David: To find out just what kind of trouble my brother got himself into. Leroy, get your head looked at and gather the dwarves. We need to keep an eye out for this giant. -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (Anton has successfully climbed down the beanstalk. He comes to a tavern, where he leans down and peers inside the window. Seeing as he can't fit, he gets up and turns to leave. However, James and Jack have noticed him and chase after him.) James: If you want some ale, you should ask! They'll serve anyone who can pay, my friend. I'm James - Prince of this realm. I wanted to make sure you received a warm welcome. Anton: I'm Anton. I'm a giant. James: Yeah, I can see that. What brings you to our land? Anton: I've always been fascinated with your customs. I just... Wanted to see it for myself. James: Well, we would be more than happy to show you around. Of course, there's the matter of your size. Anton: I'm too small for back home, I'm too big for here. Jack: Don't despair, Anton. I have something that may help you. Anton: What is it? (She pulls out a small piece of mushroom.) Jack: Magic. A piece of mushroom from a far-off land. I once slayed a Jabberwock that was terrorizing a village, and they... They couldn't pay me in gold, so they paid me with this, instead. If you eat it, it will change your size. Its effects are temporary, but we have more. (Anton reaches down and Jack drops the mushroom piece into his hand.) Jack: I'm pretty sure this one makes you smaller. Anton: Pretty sure? Jack: Well, I haven't had the occasion to try it, but... The wise woman who gave it to me swore by its power. James: Go on, Anton. Give it a try. Anton: I have no way to repay you for your kindness. Jack: No need. If it makes you happy, that's all the payment that we desire. Anton: Well, then at least tell me your name. Jack: Jacqueline. But... Most people call me Jack. Anton: Nice to meet you, Jack. -[Boston]- (Emma, Henry and Mr. Gold have arrived at the airport. They pick up their boarding passes from the desk, and then enter the line for security.) Henry: Have you ever been outside of Storybrooke before, Mr. Gold? Mr. Gold: No. Henry: Are you nervous? Mr. Gold: No. Henry: Are you worried about meeting your son? Mr. Gold: No, Henry, I'm fine. Emma: How about we talk about all this later, kid? We're next. (Henry and Emma begin taking off their shoes to put in the boxes.) Henry: It must be really hard not to use magic - being like everyone else. Emma: You've got to put your shoes in. Mr. Gold: How terribly uncivilized. (Mr. Gold takes off his shoes and Henry goes through the metal detector.) TSA Agent: Uh, scarf and the cane go in the basket. Mr. Gold: What? TSA Agent: Scarf and cane go in the basket. Mr. Gold: I can't. Emma: You have to. (The man behind them interrupts.) Man: It ain't rocket science, buddy. You ever been on a plane before? Mr. Gold: Have you ever been impaled upon a cane before? Emma: My... Father's a little nervous. We're headed to a family reunion. Sorry. Mr. Gold: Father? Emma: Just put your shawl in the bin. I'll help you get through. Mr. Gold: If I let this go, I could forget who I am. Emma: I'm not going to let that happen. Mr. Gold: Okay. (Mr. Gold takes the shawl off and puts it in the box with his cane. When he does, his hearing becomes distorted and he stumbles. He goes through the metal detector in almost a trace-like state, until Emma has a chance to grab his shawl out of the box on the other side of security. She puts it around his neck and his hearing and mind go back to normal. Mr. Gold gives a slight nod and the two of them begin to put their shoes back on. Henry is there waiting for them.) Henry: Guys, there's a Cinnabons here! -[Storybrooke]- (Hook enters a deserted alley near the docks. He places a card - the Queen of Hearts - onto the ground. When he turns around, Regina has appeared behind him.) Regina: Hello, Hook. Hook: Regina. Regina: Expecting my mother? The one you were supposed to kill? Hook: Oh, that. Well, I didn't want to deprive you of a happy reunion. Regina: Well, it's your lucky day. She and I have made amends. Hook: And you're here to thank me? How sweet. Regina: She wants to know if they've found the ship. Hook: Well, you can tell her, she can ask me herself. Regina: She decided it wouldn't be prudent for her to be out and about. Hook: Well, then it is my lucky day. And you can tell her they found the ship. Regina: Well, did you get her things off it? Hook: I've been tied up in bed - not in the good way. Regina: She needs her things. Hook: Oh, I'll bet she does. Well, there's good news, then. A giant got loose from the hold. Regina: You lost a giant? Hook: Well, a shrunken giant. Regina: How is that good news? Hook: Because, when he got free, he took one look at the Prince, and became extremely murderous. Regina: Hm. A giant in town who wants to kill the Prince. This is just the distraction we need. Hook: That it is, dear. [SCENE_BREAK] (Elsewhere, Anton is attempting to navigate the streets of Storybrooke. He dodges cars as they honk at him.) -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (Anton, who is now small, James, and Jack enter the tavern. James pulls out a chair for Anton, and the three of them sit at a table.) James: Much better to be on the inside, huh? Please. You're the guest of honour. Anton: No fighting for a seat at the table. If my brothers could see me now... Jack: I'm not so sure about this family of yours, Anton. It doesn't sound like they appreciate you. Anton: They're not so bad. Except for the... Making fun of me. And the pushing me around. And the harsh words. Well, yeah, it's sort of bad. James: Sometimes, you have to leave home to find the people you...truly belong with. Your real family. Jack: It's like you were always meant to be here, Anton. James: Now, make sure our Anton has all that he needs. (James gets up and heads to the other side of the pub. In the corner, a group of people are playing music. One of them is playing a harp.) Anton: I had one of those once. I never knew it made such beautiful music. My brothers are so wrong about humans. (Anton overhears James arguing with another man.) James: It's unacceptable! Go back there and tell him what I said. Promise them anything. I don't care- Anton: Is there a problem? Jack: He didn't tell you, did he? The royal coffers are empty. James and his father are deeply in debt to a neighboring kingdom. Anton: I don't understand. Jack: If James can't pay back what he owes, they'll plunder this realm, and burn it to the ground. Anton: Now I understand. Jack: It's bad. Anton: Will the other kingdom only accept gold coins? Jack: Well, it depends. A magic bean, for instance, would be worth a thousand coins, but... You don't have any of those back home. ...Do you? Anton: No. No beans. We do have treasure. Enough to pay off your debts, I bet. Jack: You would help us? Anton: Without question. If I'm going to stay here for good, might as well make sure it's a nice kingdom and not, you know - burned to the ground. Jack: You are our hero. -[Storybrooke]- (In the woods, Anton is sitting on a log and looking forlornly at the river. Regina approaches him.) Anton: Get away from me! Regina: I'm here to help you. Anton: No. You're human. I hate humans. (Regina continues to walk towards him.) Anton: Don't come any closer! Or I'll kill you. Regina: Look, I hear you're in town cause you want to kill someone. I can help. I have no love for this Prince, either, and if you want to destroy this town to get to him... Well, I'm happy to do my part. This will make you bigger. It will return you to your former glory. (He takes the proffered mushroom and takes a bite. In a puff of blue smoke, he returns to his former giant size.) Regina: Now, get to work! As I'm sure you're aware, that mushroom won't last forever. -[Boston]- (Emma, Mr. Gold and Henry are waiting by their gate. Mr. Gold is pacing back and forth.) Emma: Do you want something to eat? Mr. Gold: No. Emma: Is something wrong? Mr. Gold: Stop asking me that! I'll be right back. (Mr. Gold leaves and enters the public washroom. He enters one of the stalls and locks the door. Still anxious, he starts to pace back and forth, until he suddenly drops his cane and begins violently punching the toilet seat cover dispenser on the wall. Afterward, Mr. Gold leans against the wall and looks down at his bloodied hand. He waves his hand over the wounds, but nothing happens. He tries again with the same result. Henry enters the washroom and calls out for him.) Henry: Mr. Gold? Mr. Gold? We're boarding soon. Are you coming? (He ignores Henry.) -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (Anton has returned to the castle and is gathering treasure. Arlo finds him there.) Arlo: Anton. Anton, where have you been? We were worried. Anton: I needed to get away for a little while. So, I went down below to see things for myself. Arlo: You went to the human world? Do you have any idea how dangerous that could be? Anton: I met friends there - friends who understand me. Who like me. And I plan to go back for good. Arlo: Anton... I know we tease you. But we love you. You're our brother. You know that. You expect these humans to just welcome you with open arms? You could crush them. Anton: There's magic that can change me to their size. And, with this treasure, we can all be happy. (Outside, the sound of birds can be heard.) Arlo: Sentry birds. Someone has trespassed on our land. You told the humans you were coming here, didn't you? You showed them the beanstalk. -[Storybrooke]- (Mary Margaret and David watch from a distance as Anton terrorizes the town.) Anton: That's right! Run! Run! (He picks up a car and throws it in David and Mary Margaret's direction, then continues his path of destruction. The citizens of Storybrooke scramble for safety as Mary Margaret and David follow Anton.) David: Head to the town hall! Bring anyone you find on the way! Somebody get Leroy! MMB: Guess we found our giant. I just didn't think he would be so... David: Giant? MMB: My mistake. David: Ever stop one before? MMB: Nope. David: Well... Here's to new firsts. (David yells to Anton to get his attention.) David: Wait! You don't have to do this! Anton: Yeah, I do. You destroyed everything in my life. Now you're going to know what that feels like. David: The man who hurt you? That wasn't me. That was my twin brother James. We were separated at birth. He was raised by a... A ruthless King. Anton: You're not James? David: No! Anton: Then where is he? David: He paid the ultimate price for his arrogance. He's dead! There is nothing more you can do to him. MMB: We're on your side, Anton! We're good! We're here because of you. You know our daughter Emma. You gave her the magic compass. Anton: Emma? Let me talk to her. She says you're okay, then I'll stop. (Leroy has arrived and joins Mary Margaret.) MMB: She's kind of out of town. Anton: Really? MMB: But when she gets back, I know she'll really want to talk to you. Anton: How convenient. Everyone I'm looking for isn't around! All you humans do is lie, and cheat, and kill, and I'm sick of it! (Anton charges after them.) -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (Anton and Arlo head to the beanstalk, where they find James and Jack.) Arlo: Humans. Let's kill them. Anton: No, no, no! It's not like that. Arlo, these are my friends, James and Jack. Guys, you didn't have to come up here. The treasure's ready to go. James: Oh, we're not here for the treasure. We're here for the beans. All of them. Anton: But... You're my friends. H-how- (Jack draws her sword.) Jack: No, we're not. If you and your people want to save your lives, take us to the beans. Arlo: No. We may live in peace, but we will fight to protect what is ours. James: Then a fight is what you shall have. (James draws his sword. Jack and James charge towards the giants.) -[Storybrooke]- (Mary Margaret, David, and Leroy run down the streets of Storybrooke as Anton chases after them.) Leroy: So let me get this straight - you got a twin brother? David: Yeah. Leroy: His name is James? David: Right. Leroy: Well, your name is James. David: No, actually, it's not. Leroy: It's Charming, then? MMB: No, that's the nickname I gave him. Leroy: Hey, hold on. What the hell is your name? David: David. Leroy: Your curse name? David: My real name! Leroy: What, you're David, James, and Charming? Is David like a middle name? David: No! It's my name-name. Leroy: You know what? I'm going to call you whatever I damn well please! Is that okay?! David: Sure, Leroy. Leroy: So what's the plan? David: Lead the giant away from here, so he can't hurt anyone. MMB: Wait. If we keep heading in this direction, we're going to hit the town line. David: Okay, new plan. (The three of them stop near the docks. David approaches the giant.) MMB: What are you doing? David: Giving him what he wants. Anton! How about we make a deal? Anton: I don't make deals with humans. David: Just hear me out. I'll surrender myself to you, if you spare the lives of everyone in Storybrooke. MMB: David, you can't do this. David: If I don't, the whole town will suffer. I can't allow that. Well, what do you say? Anton: Deal. (Anton lunges towards David and tries to jump on him. However, Mary Margaret pulls David out of the way at the last second, and Anton ends up jumping straight through the ground. Stuck, the mushroom's effects then wear off, and Anton seems to disappear in a puff of blue smoke. All that's left is a large hole in the ground.) MMB: Where did he go? David: I'm not sure. (They head over to the hole to investigate, where they find Anton hanging on to an underground pipe.) -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (Anton runs through the castle as the battle rages outside. He meets up with Arlo.) Arlo: Anton. The human armies are overrunning us. Abraham and Andre have fallen. The human swords are poisoned. Anton: This is all because of me. I've ruined everything. Arlo: No, you still have a chance to save us. Anton: How? Arlo: The beans, Anton. You must raze the fields. Anton: No! Arlo: If the humans take the beans, they will bring their violence to every realm. It is your birthright to protect the beans. Right now, that means destroying them. -[Storybrooke]- (The dwarves, Granny, and Ruby have arrived on the scene with a truck and some rope. Anton is still hanging onto the pipe below.) David: That better hold. Leroy: It'll hold. Granny: I got this. (Granny ties the rope to the back of the truck and Leroy throws the rope down the side of the hole. Mary Margaret then kisses David.) MMB: Most people would let that giant die after what he's done. David: You wouldn't. (David wraps the rope around his waist and begins to shimmy down the hole.) David: Alright, Anton! I'm coming down! (He gets down to Anton and extends his hand.) David: Take my hand. Anton: No! David: No? Anton: I don't want to go back up there. I should just let go! David: You'll die. Anton: Maybe death hurts less than life. David: If you really wanted to die, you would have let go already. Now take my hand! (Anton finally grabs David's hand and the people above pull them out of the hole.) Leroy: Come on. MMB: Almost! A little more! (David and Anton are successfully pulled up. Mary Margaret hugs David.) Anton: You saved my life. David: That's what we do. Anton: Thank you. Leroy: You're welcome. David: We're not all the same, Anton. I don't know what my brother did to you, but... That's not us. Anton: You have no idea. -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (In the treasure room, Jack is fighting Arlo, while James stuffs treasure into a sack. Jack stabs Arlo in the ankle with the sword, causing him to yell in pain. However, Jack isn't quick enough to get away, and Arlo grabs Jack.) Jack: James! (Arlo takes Jack's sword and stabs her with it. He then tosses her and the sword onto the ground. He falls over due to the poison, just as Anton enters the room.) Anton: Arlo? No... No, no, no, no! (James, having filled the sack with treasure, goes to leave. Jack is dying on the floor.) Jack: James! Please... James: I'm sorry, Jack. But I have a kingdom to run. I'm sure you understand. (James exits, leaving Jack behind. Anton tends to Arlo.) Arlo: Anton... The poison. It's in my blood. Did you... Anton: All destroyed. The fields and every last bean. Arlo: Oh, good. Good. That's what's important. Anton: No. Everyone else is dead. You can't die, too, please! Arlo: I know your path is hard. But someday, you will know which road to choose. And when you do, you will need this. (Arlo takes out a vial with a piece of beanstalk inside. He hands it to Anton.) Arlo: A preserved cutting...from the stalk. Plant it. New beans will grow. Anton: You had me salt the land. Nothing can grow here. Arlo: Then someday, you will find... New land. Anton: How? Arlo? Arlo?! No... -[Storybrooke]- (Anton and the rescue group enter Granny's Diner.) Leroy: This is Granny's. She makes a mean lasagna and runs an inn, so I'm sure we can set you up with a room till you find a place. Anton: Thanks, but I think I'll set up camp in the woods. Leroy: The woods? Anton: Yeah, I'm better off alone. I'm not too good at fitting in. Leroy: You're in the right place. Storybrooke's got all kinds - dwarves, fairies, werewolves, you name it. Ruby, beers all around! MMB: We all miss our land, Anton. But this is our home now. Anton: You never think about going back? MMB: Of course we do. It's just not possible. David: We have no way to get there. Anton: How's the farmland here? David: Pretty good. Why? (Anton takes out the vial with the piece of beanstalk.) Anton: The stem is from a beanstalk. If I plant it, it should be able to grow some magic beans. And then, you just may have a way. [SCENE_BREAK] (Mary Margaret, David, Anton, and the dwarves have gathered in a field. Anton checks the soil.) David: Well, what's the verdict? Anton: Soil's got a nice loamy feel. Lot of minerals. The beans should grow well here. Only one problem. MMB: What's that? Anton: Cora. This is why she brought me. She wanted me to grow beans. So whatever she plans to do with them... Can't be good. MMB: Then we won't let her get to them. Leroy: No one touches our crop. Anton: Your crop? I thought you guys were miners? Leroy: Work is work. It's what we do. So what do you say? You up for some help? Anton: Okay. Leroy: Happy! (Happy hands a pick axe to Anton.) Leroy: Here. To help break up the earth. (Anton looks down, and the name 'Tiny' appears on the handle.) Anton: 'Tiny'. My brothers used to call me that. Leroy: Axe never lies. David: Wait a second. I did my time in the mines. How come I didn't get one of those? Leroy: Cause you ain't a dwarf. Welcome aboard, brother. (The dwarves and Anton begin to hack away at the earth. They whistle.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Belle is reading in her room at the hospital. Greg enters.) Greg: Hey. It's okay. Belle: Who, uh... Who are you? Greg: My name's Greg, okay? I... I'm a patient here, just like you. I... I'm really sorry to bother you, but... I'm the one that was driving the car in... In the accident. Belle: Oh. Are you okay? Greg: Yeah. Yeah, they, um... They patched me up pretty good. Look, I... I overheard you talking. About how you saw a guy with a ball of fire. Belle: And you think I'm crazy, too. Well, I did see it. I- Greg: Hey, I know that you're not crazy. Belle: You do? Greg: Cause I saw it, too. [SCENE_BREAK] (David exits Granny's Diner with two coffees. He hands one to Mary Margaret, who is waiting outside.) David: Here's to not getting squashed by a giant. MMB: I'll drink to that. David: Sometimes I wonder how things would've turned out if I had been the one raised by King George instead of my brother. You know, would I have been...corrupt like him? MMB: Never. David: Same blood ran through our veins. MMB: Mm, but your hearts are different. You may not believe it, but trust me - I know you, Charming. I had a lot of fun today. David: Fun? MMB: Uh-huh. David: Almost getting killed is fun? MMB: Yeah. I missed our adventures. David: Me, too. It was kind of fun. You know, we could do this all the time. When the beans grow, we could go back. Everyone could go home. MMB: I don't know. David: What don't you know? MMB: Home is where our family is. And that's here. I don't know if Emma would come with us, and I am not going to be separated from her again. David: You're worried about her. MMB: Aren't you? David: Of course, but... Emma... Emma can take care of herself, and I'm sure wherever she and Henry are, they're safe. -[Boston]- (Emma, Henry, and Mr. Gold have boarded the plane and are waiting for takeoff. Henry has a box of cinnamon buns on his lap.) Emma: You good, kid? Henry: You kidding? A trip with you, first plane ride, and we're going on a quest like in the book. The only thing that could make this day better? Is more frosting. (Emma looks down and notices Mr. Gold's bandaged hand.) Emma: It's going to be alright. We're going to find your son. Mr. Gold: I know. (The take off announcement begins.) Announcement: Welcome, folks, to Ajira Airlines regional flight fifty-three, with non-stop service to New York City. Our flight time tonight is forty-two minutes. Please sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. (The plane engines start. Mr. Gold stares ahead blankly.) -[End]-

Kidnapped and brought to Storybrooke by Cora, the Giant unleashes his vengeance on the town when a case of mistaken identity leads him to try and settle an old score with David; Mr. Gold, accompanied by Emma and Henry, attempts to depart Storybrooke - hoping to keep his memory intact when he crosses the town line -- and heads to the airport in search of his son Bae; and Greg questions Belle as to what she saw on the night of his car accident. Meanwhile, in the fairytale land that was and against his brothers' wishes, Anton, the Giant, climbs down the beanstalk and attempts to befriend some humans - whose intentions may not be so noble.

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•I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. [SCENE_BREAK] GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Dawn stealing a coin from the magic shop. Buffy and Dawn in Dawn's bedroom. DAWN: You're never here. You can't even stand to be around me. BUFFY: That is not true. DAWN: You didn't want to come back. I know that. You want to go away again. The demon poker game. SPIKE: I'm in. LOOSE-SKINNED DEMON: Ante up. Kittens mewing. BUFFY: You're gonna play cards?! Halfrek appearing in the living room. HALFREK: I have been called, and vengeance shall I wreak. Anya gasping. HALFREK: Hello. ANYA: Halfrek! HALFREK: Anyanka? Anya and Halfrek squealing and hugging. ANYA: How are you? XANDER: You two, you know each other? ANYA: Funny, Halfrek, I didn't summon you to kill Xander, I called to invite you to our wedding. Willow and Tara outside the magic shop. WILLOW: Tara. What are you doing here? Uh, it's okay for you to be here if you have things that ... you have to be here for. I'm doing better. No spells for 32 days. Tara and Buffy in the living room. TARA: Buffy, I promise, there's nothing wrong with you. BUFFY: There has to be. Why do I feel like this? Why do I let Spike do those things to me? Buffy and Spike kissing. TARA: Oh! BUFFY: Don't tell anyone, please. TARA: I won't. [SCENE_BREAK] Teaser [SCENE_BREAK] Open on a small table with several stakes and daggers on it. Reveal Buffy who begins putting the weapons into a bag. We're in the Summers living room. Dawn stands behind Buffy. BUFFY: (sighs) I'm sorry. DAWN: It's okay. BUFFY: No, we're gonna sit down and have a real dinner. Someday. I hate having to run out in the middle, it's just, you know, there's this thing out there. Definitely non-vampire. DAWN: (smiling) I understand. Buffy picks up the bag, goes toward the door. DAWN: Well, maybe when you get back we can set up for your party tomorrow. BUFFY: Yeah. Uh, this could take a while though, I-I wouldn't wait up. (putting on her coat) Besides, Willow promised to be on birthday patrol, so there's nothing left for us to do. (smiling) DAWN: Right. BUFFY: Okay, so, finish dinner, homework, and don't stay up too late, all right? DAWN: Okay. BUFFY: Okay. Buffy turns to go. Dawn watches with a smile. As soon as the door closes behind Buffy, Dawn stops smiling. Stands there, alone, looking unhappy. Cut to graveyard, night. Buffy walks along holding a large axe with a metal handle. Suddenly a large demon with red skin and a spiny crest on its head leaps out behind her. Buffy whirls around. The demon swings a large sword at her. She ducks, then blocks with her axe. The demon's sword bends the axe handle, then pulls it out of Buffy's hand. It flies off and lands in the ground. The demon swings at Buffy again and she gets hold of his sword arm, twists it around behind his back. Suddenly the demon shimmers and disappears. Buffy looks around in confusion. The demon reappears behind her. She kicks him in the face, punches him, kicks again. He falls back. His sword goes flying up into the air. Buffy catches the sword on its way down. The demon charges her. She stabs him right in the stomach. Blue light flashes out in a circle from the wound. The demon roars and grabs his stomach. Buffy pulls the sword out and falls back onto the ground. The sword lands point-down in the ground. The demon falls to his knees, still roaring. He shimmers and turns into a bolt of silver light that shoots over to the sword and into it. We can see his face reflected in the sword's blade. Buffy is still on the ground, facing the other way. BUFFY: Run off, huh? Afraid to face a true warrior? She gets up and sees the sword. BUFFY: Ooh, shiny. She smiles, pulls the sword out of the ground and twirls it around. Walks off, holding it. Wolf howl, opening credits. Guest starring Kali Rocha, Ryan Browning, and Amber Benson as Tara. Written by Drew Z. Greenberg, directed by Michael Gershman. [SCENE_BREAK] Act I [SCENE_BREAK] Open in the magic shop. Anya stands by the shelves dusting statues. ANYA: Do you think we should set up lots of candles for Buffy's party tomorrow? Pan over to reveal Xander and Willow sitting at a small round table doing paperwork. XANDER: Not if they're that horrible slug kind you keep trying to unload. ANYA: (walking past) I don't know why people get so turned off by slug. XANDER: Honey, slugs get turned off by slug. (to Willow) Oh, actually, I wanted to talk to you about that. WILLOW: Slugs? XANDER: No, the party. Or, Tara ... at the party. WILLOW: Oh. XANDER: It's just ... Buffy really wants her there. It seems important to her, so I told her I'd ask you. WILLOW: (smiling) Oh ... yeah, of course, she should totally be there. It'll be great. Dawn enters. She wears a red t-shirt with a beige sweater over it, and has a red coat over her arm. DAWN: (smiling) Hey! WILLOW: Hey, Dawnie. Buffy, uh, out patrolling already? (Dawn nods) XANDER: So, uh, anything new about Warren and the Nerd Herd? DAWN: No, just a big monster hunt. XANDER: Man, a nerd goes into hiding, he really goes into hiding. DAWN: Does anybody want to come to the mall with me for birthday presents? WILLOW: Oh, I would, honey, but ... I've got my group. You know, the whole Spellcasters Anonymous thing? We're still looking for a better name. DAWN: Oh. Well, yeah, uh, no, that-that's good. You should ... do that. (beat) So what about you guys? ANYA: Stuck in doing-the-books-ville. XANDER: Aw, I'd love to go with you, but I gotta finish this new shift schedule for the crew by tomorrow morning. Dawn looks disappointed. WILLOW: Sorry, it just looks like one of those nights. You know? DAWN: Yeah. WILLOW: You okay going on your own? DAWN: Yeah. Somehow I'll, uh, manage to pull it off. Willow gives her a little smile. Dawn grimaces, turns to leave. Cut to: overhead shot of Sunnydale, night. Cut to: exterior shot of the Summers house. Cut to inside. Dawn enters the front door, cautiously, looking around. She is wearing the red coat. Pan across the foyer into the empty dining room. DAWN: Buffy? Dawn starts up the stairs. Cut to Dawn's bedroom. Overhead shot of Dawn as she enters, closes the door behind her, turns on the light. She puts her purse on the bed and reaches into her coat pockets. Cut to a closer shot as she pulls a handful of jewelry from the pockets, still with the price tags attached. She looks at the handful for a moment, puts it on the bed, takes out another handful of jewelry and puts that on the bed too. She takes off her red coat, revealing a tight shiny leather jacket that she wears over the red t-shirt. She goes over to the closet, opens the door revealing a full-length mirror. She checks out the jacket in the mirror. We can see the price tag still hanging from the sleeve. She pulls the jacket tightly around her. Cut to: high school classroom, next day. Pan across bored students. TEACHER: ...if we can come up with things Jim lost during his years in Shanghai, and things he gained. (Shot of Dawn doodling) STUDENT: Excuse me. TEACHER: Who wants to- A student comes in and gives the teacher a piece of paper. TEACHER: Dawn. Dawn looks up, alarmed. TEACHER: They need you in the guidance office. Dawn continues looking alarmed as she gathers up her stuff. Cut to: long shot of Dawn walking down an empty hall lined with lockers. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR VOICEOVER: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Cut to the outside of the office. Through opened venetian blinds we can see Dawn sitting across the desk from the guidance counselor woman. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR: Just a follow-up after your ... your loss. And since I'm new here, I thought it would give us a chance to know each other. Cut to inside the office. The guidance counselor is a fairly young woman wearing a small blue pendant around her neck. DAWN: Great. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR: So, I've been looking through your file (shuffling papers on her desk) and, um ... your grades have slipped a little. DAWN: I have really hard classes this quarter. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR: Yeah, still. Teachers say that you seem a little distracted lately. DAWN: I'm not. I-I'm fine. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR: Okay. It's just, you know, I know it must seem weird, (small laugh) talking to a stranger about stuff, but, um ... I want you to know that if something's going on, something's up, my job ... the most important part of my job ... is looking out for you. She smiles. Dawn looks surprised, returns a very small smile of her own. DAWN: I'm really okay. The counselor nods slowly, sits back. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR: I know there's been ... a lot of loss. Dawn looks down. DAWN: (quietly) Yeah. Kinda. (looks up) I-I mean, yes. People keep ... people have a tendency to go away ... and, I miss them. And sometimes ... I wish I could just make them stop. Going away. The counselor smiles. Dawn pauses, waves her hands dismissively. DAWN: But seriously, it's, it's no big deal. I'm fine. Cut to: close shot on a table laden with several trays of hors d'oeuvres. XANDER: (OS) We're feeding an army! BUFFY: (OS) No, they couldn't make it. Pan out to reveal that it's the island in Buffy's kitchen. Anya is preparing the food while Buffy sits opposite. Xander stands beside Anya. XANDER: So, who's coming, you invite anyone else? BUFFY: Just you guys. Willow, Tara. The gang. Oh, and Sophie from work. Xander and Anya look at her, exchange a look. BUFFY: What? Like I'm one of those losers who can't make friends outside her tight little circle? No. I'm friendly. We bonded instantly. Peas in a pod. Bonded peas. ANYA: Really? Um, what's Sophie's last name? Buffy thinks for a moment, frowns. BUFFY: (pouting) Okay, shut up. XANDER: Don't worry about it, we're all over the new friend thing. (Anya smiling) BUFFY: What ... new friend thing? ANYA: (smiling) Well, well ... we invited someone for you. Buffy looks horrified. ANYA: (whispers) A guy. DAWN: (entering) For Buffy? Really? (smiling) XANDER: Ahh, don't worry, it's not a setup. ANYA: (grinning) Right. No. Just an attractive single man, with whom we hope you find much in common. (Buffy looking annoyed) And if you happen to form- XANDER: Ahn- ANYA: -a romantic relationship leading to babies- XANDER: Ahn- ANYA: -and many double dates with us so we have someone else to talk to, yay! Xander looks uncomfortable. BUFFY: I assume this was an act of kindness? (Xander looking embarrassed) That'll help with the not throttling. Buffy gives Xander a meaningful look. He gives a fake laugh. XANDER: Hey, I'm just gonna get this stuff out there, people should be here soon. He picks up some of the food. Cut to the foyer, later. Buffy opens the door to reveal Tara, holding a small gift box. BUFFY: Hey! You made it! They smile and hug. TARA: Of course, sweetie. (pulls back) So, how're you doing? BUFFY: Oh, you know. Better. Mostly. (Tara looking sympathetic) Sometimes. TARA: So, is, um... (looks around) Spike coming? BUFFY: No. He may be a chip-head, but ... he still doesn't play too well with others. Tara smiles, turns to put down the gift and hang up her coat. BUFFY: Besides, I'm definitely not ready to, to... TARA: (turns back) Come out. BUFFY: (smiles) Yeah. I'm all ... stay-inny. Tara smiles and nods. Cut to upstairs. Willow is standing in front of a mirror, very nervously adjusting her clothing. Cut back to downstairs. BUFFY: How are you doing? TARA: (anxious) The word "gulp" comes to mind. BUFFY: (sympathetic) Just remember, we're all here...to... Willow appears at the top of the stairs, coming down. Tara looks nervous. BUFFY: ...I have to, with the thing that I, uh... Coming! Buffy exits ungracefully. Tara and Willow face each other nervously. WILLOW: Hey. TARA: Hey. WILLOW: Hey. (pause) How are you? TARA: Fine, thanks, I'm ... I'm fine. I, how are you? WILLOW: (smiling) Great! I mean... (stops smiling) Fine. I'm, I'm ... finey McFine. Fine. TARA: Y-you look... WILLOW: (smiles) Thanks. (stops smiling, looks embarrassed) TARA: I mean ... great. WILLOW: (embarrassed) Thanks. You do too. Is that a new- TARA: Oh, yeah. (glancing nervously at her dress) WILLOW: It's nice. TARA: Thanks. Very awkward silence. TARA: I-I'm gonna get something to drink. WILLOW: Oh, yeah, great. You should. Tara exits toward the kitchen. WILLOW: (muttering to herself) You don't wanna get thirsty. Cut to the kitchen. Buffy is filling paper cups from a large pitcher. Tara enters. BUFFY: Hey, how did it- TARA: Yes please. Tara takes a cup from Buffy's hand and drinks. Buffy looks surprised. Knocking at the back door. Buffy stands up. Spike enters, holding a 6-pack of beer under one arm. Someone else enters behind him but we can't see who it is. BUFFY: (surprised) Spike. SPIKE: Yeah. Willow mentioned the shindig ... figured we're all part of the team. We see that Spike still has a large bruise over one eye from being beaten by Buffy in "Dead Things." Buffy gives Tara a nervous look. SPIKE: Thought I'd, uh, swing by. Reveal the other person behind Spike. It's the loose-skinned demon from the poker game in "Life Serial." Buffy frowns. BUFFY: Wait, what kind of team is this? DEMON: Hi. We met once before. BUFFY: Yes, yes we did. SPIKE: You know, more, merrier, that whole thing. DEMON: (to Tara) Hi, I'm Clement. Clem. TARA: Tara. Xander enters with a young hunky blond man wearing a red shirt (Star Trek fans, take note). XANDER: Buffy, Richard. BUFFY: (smiling) Hey. XANDER: He was wondering where the best place was to park his car. BUFFY: Oh, that's easy, just-(pointing) XANDER: Buffy will show ya. Xander shoves Richard toward Buffy. They look at each other nervously. BUFFY: Okay, uh... (to Tara) I'll be right back. Over Richard's shoulder, Buffy looks at Spike. He raises one eyebrow. Buffy takes Richard's arm and leads him toward the front. Richard pauses in the doorway. RICHARD: (whispers) Uh ... the guy with the... BUFFY: Skin condition. He doesn't like to talk about it. Buffy leads Richard away. SPIKE: Stupid git! (closing the back door) TARA: I don't know. He seemed ... cute. W-was he cute? I mean, I'm not a very good judge, but... Spike scowls. TARA: (grinning) I think he seemed cute. CLEM: (agreeably) I think he seemed cute, yeah. Spike gives them both a look of outrage. Cut to the living room. Xander sits on the sofa; Dawn and Anya stand nearby. DAWN: If we get Buffy, can, can she start on opening the presents? It's been enough time, hasn't it? ANYA: Not yet, sweetie. XANDER: I think Buffy's busy right now. ANYA: (as if talking to a small child) Buffy's making a new friend. A grown-up friend. DAWN: What, you mean the guy you invited to set her up with? ANYA: Nothing. DAWN: It's not like I don't understand why you invited him. I was there, remember? I can hear you when I'm in the room, you know? (Anya just nodding) I do understand these things. ANYA: (patronizing) Yes you do! (patting Dawn on the head) DAWN: You know I'm in high school, right? ANYA: Yes you are! Dawn stares at Anya in disbelief. Cut to Buffy coming down from upstairs. Spike intercepts her in the foyer and backs her into a corner. SPIKE: You wanna slip away for a minute, luv? BUFFY: What? SPIKE: I'll let you blow out my candles. BUFFY: Here. Now? I don't think so. SPIKE: Oh, what, you worried about Richard? You don't wanna make your new boyfriend jealous, huh? BUFFY: (grinning) Shut up. He's ... sweet. SPIKE: (teasing) "Oh, shut up, he's sweet." BUFFY: Maybe he's not the jealous one. Spike looks surprised. Buffy moves past him and away. SPIKE: You think he'll take you out on his ten-speed, pet? (to himself) Maybe he'll let you ride in that little basket in the front. (scoffs) Jealous my ass. He sighs, looks around in frustration. Cut to later. Buffy sits on the sofa, looking skeptically at a device with a large head with two round knobs on it. BUFFY: Uh... We see Willow sitting on Buffy's right. Dawn sits on Buffy's left, fidgeting very obviously. WILLOW: See? i-it's a battery-operated back massager. And it's portable so you can take it with you on patrol. BUFFY: (dubious) Wow. WILLOW: (smiling) It's like, instant gratification for all your little acheys. Buffy looks over at Spike leaning in the doorway. Spike raises his eyebrow and gives his best suggestive smirk. BUFFY: (quickly) Great! Thanks! (puts the massager aside) Uh, what's next? DAWN: (excited) Here, do mine. Dawn turns to pick up a large flat box behind her, gives it to Buffy. Buffy begins unwrapping it. Shot of Spike watching, glancing over at Clem. Shot of Clem and Tara watching. Buffy removes the paper to reveal a plain white box. She opens it and looks inside. BUFFY: (surprised) Dawn. Close shot on the box, containing the black leather jacket that Dawn was wearing earlier. DAWN: (smiling) Do you like it? BUFFY: (lifting it out of the box) It's ... gorgeous. DAWN: I was so nervous. I was afraid you wouldn't like it. Buffy looks at the jacket, frowns. Close shot on the sleeve which has the security tag attached. BUFFY: I-it still has the security tag on it. Dawn looks alarmed, covers quickly. DAWN: Huh. That's so weird. I can't believe they didn't take that off. Buffy stares at her. XANDER: (OS) Happy birthday, Buffy! Everyone turns to see Xander and Anya wheeling in a large wooden chest. BUFFY: Oh my god! Xander and Anya place the chest in the middle of the room and gesture proudly. BUFFY: Did you guys make that? Buffy gets up, thrusting the box with the jacket into Dawn's lap. Dawn looks dismayed. ANYA: Uh, well, uh, Xander did the building. (Dawn still looking upset) I offered helpful suggestions while observing from a safe distance. Buffy kneels down to open the chest. Xander holds the lid open and leans over to speak softly so Richard won't hear. XANDER: Holds basic weapons, (Buffy smiling) plus a few non-basic ones too. (loudly) Plus, there's a handsome CD holder. Shot of Dawn looking disgusted, folding the jacket back into the box. ANYA: (OS) We wanted you to have something no one else would have. BUFFY: (OS) A Xander Harris original. Sound of the doorbell ringing. BUFFY: I love it. Thanks, you guys! Buffy leans across the chest to kiss Xander on the cheek. In background we see Tara opening the front door. TARA: Buffy? Buffy hugs Anya, turns around. BUFFY: Oh! Sophie! We see a nervous-looking young woman standing in the doorway. BUFFY: Welcome! (Sophie exchanging smiles with Tara) Uh, we're somewhere between, uh, presents and cake. (to Anya) There is gonna be cake eventually, right? (Anya nodding) SOPHIE: (walking into the living room) Hey. Uh, my mom told me to say thank you right away, 'cause, otherwise I usually forget. So, thank you. Buffy and Anya listen to this politely. We see Spike in the background watching. SOPHIE: And, also, um, I can't have any, any chocolate, or, or peanuts or egg yolks. ANYA: (whispers to Buffy) Is this the friend you brought from work? BUFFY: Yes. SOPHIE: A-and sometimes dairy. BUFFY: No problem. Sophie looks around at the others. Clem gives her a friendly smile and wave. Tara smiles too. ANYA: (whispers to Buffy) Our friend is better. Dawn gets up and moves toward the foyer as Sophie moves farther inside. Spike remains leaning against the door frame. BUFFY: (OS) Uh, we can do official introductions now that everyone's officially here. Dawnie, you mind getting the door? Dawn goes past Spike and Tara to the open door. BUFFY: (OS) Sophie, this is Anya ... and Willow... Shot from on the porch looking in. Dawn stands in the doorway, looks unhappily back at the party, then outside. Slowly, she closes the door. Pan across the outside of the door to the porch. Dawn's guidance counselor walks out of the shadows, on the porch. She walks over to the front door, smiling slightly. She stops walking and her face morphs into demon-face -- she is Halfrek. She speaks in her deep resonant demon voice (see episode "Doublemeat Palace"). HALFREK: Wish granted. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act II [SCENE_BREAK] Open on the party. Loud rock music is playing. Pan across Sophie and Clem dancing together. Pan across Willow sitting in a chair with Xander sitting on its arm, both talking and moving to the beat. Pan to the sofa where Anya sits waving her hand to the beat. Dawn sits beside her, looking bored. Zoom in on Dawn. She looks like she's trying to pretend she's enjoying herself. She experiments with a couple of different smiles. Cut to the foyer. Buffy comes out of the dining room and encounters Richard in the hall. RICHARD: Hey. BUFFY: Hi. RICHARD: Great party. Everyone's havin' fun. BUFFY: (smiling) I hope so. RICHARD: I mean, look what time it is and no one's even thinking about leaving. I, uh ... can't tear myself away. BUFFY: (smiling uncertainly) Yeah? RICHARD: Yeah. Can I get you a drink? Behind Richard we see Spike appear in the living-room doorway, observing. BUFFY: Uh ... I'm good, thank you. RICARD: Okay. BUFFY: (awkward) I think I'll just ... head back in. RICHARD: Well ... I'll look for you. BUFFY: (smiling) Okay. Richard smiles, goes past her and into the dining room. SPIKE: Ooh, Buffy. (Buffy rolling her eyes) Can I get you a soda pop? I think I'm in looove. Spike walks up to her, smirking. He tries to take her hands but she pulls them away. But she is smiling too. BUFFY: Stop it. Someone's gonna see. She walks toward the kitchen. Spike follows, stops her at the doorway, putting one hand on the wall beside her head to block her way. SPIKE: Mm-hmm. He puts his other hand on her shoulder, runs it down her arm, takes her hand and pulls it onto his thigh. Someone appears at the other end of the hall. Buffy quickly pulls her hand back as both she and Spike look over. It's Tara, looking a bit taken aback. Buffy glances at Spike, pushes past him and exits toward the kitchen. Spike looks at Tara with a slightly nervous smile. Tara looks innocent. SPIKE: I had ... a ... muscle cramp. Buffy was, uh, helping. TARA: (small grin) A muscle cramp? In your ... (looks down at him, then away) pants? SPIKE: What, it's a thing. TARA: (grinning) Right. She walks off. Spike looks disgruntled. ANYA VOICEOVER: No, you go. Cut to the dining room. Xander sits in a chair with Anya on his lap, both nuzzling each other in disgusting coupley fashion. Sophie and Willow sit opposite. XANDER: (teasing, nuzzling) No, you go. ANYA: (teasing, nuzzling) No, you go. WILLOW: Okay! Xander and Anya stop, look over at Willow. WILLOW: It's just a beer run, I'll go. SOPHIE: Oh, well, I can't really drink beer, 'cause you know, barley. But I'll go with you to get some. WILLOW: Perfect. Here we go. The beer-gettin'. They all continue to sit there, not moving. After a moment Willow leans over and puts her head on the table. Xander and Anya resume nuzzling. Cut to the living room. Dawn, Buffy, Richard, and Anya are playing Monopoly on the coffee-table. BUFFY: This sucks. I'm out. (giving money to Anya) RICHARD: No way. I think you're doing fine. Pan over to the other table where Clem, Xander, Spike, and Tara are playing cards. XANDER: (to Buffy) You wanna try poker? CLEM: Still say it's weird without the kittens. BUFFY: No kittens. (Richard giving her a funny look) He's quirky. RICHARD: Look, we've already been playing for like three hours, it's, you know, it's like two-something in the morning. You can't bail now. ANYA: Yeah, come on, Buffy, stay. I wanna bankrupt somebody. (Buffy giving her a sour look) DAWN: Oh! We should totally have a slumber party. BUFFY: (uncertain) Oh, I don't know... (looking around) I guess, as long as everyone's staying up anyway. SPIKE: Must be some late-night activities to keep us busy till morning. (giving Buffy a suggestive look) (Buffy glaring at him) TARA: How's that cramp, Spike? Still bothering you? SPIKE: What? Oh. Yeah. TARA: Maybe you, uh, wanna put some ice on it. Tara gives an innocent little smile. Spike looks confused, frowns, looks at his cards. Shot of the foursome playing Monopoly. Close shot of Dawn looking around and smiling hugely. Cut to later. Sunlight coming in the windows. Willow and Sophie are asleep on the sofa. Xander, Dawn, and Clem sit on the floor watching cartoons on TV. The Monopoly game, food, beverages, presents, etc. are scattered everywhere. Pan across the room to Buffy and Spike sitting on the floor beside the new weapons chest. Buffy is shuffling the deck of cards. Richard enters from the kitchen. RICHARD: Hey Xander, we gotta be at work in a few minutes. Close shot of the three watching TV. XANDER: (staring at TV) Okay. Shot of the cartoons playing on the TV. RICHARD: I can't be late today. SPIKE: You should definitely go. Let's find your coat and get you on your merry way. BUFFY: Spike. RICHARD: (confused) I don't know why I'm not leaving. SPIKE: Me either. Besides, Richie, you can't skip breakfast. Growing boy like you. (Buffy glaring at him) Me, I used to love breakfast. In the old days, I probably would have eaten by now. (looks menacingly at Richard) BUFFY: Of course, with that new diet of yours, you wanna be careful what you try puttin' in your mouth now, Spikey. (giving him a meaningful look) SPIKE: Yeah? I don't know. Tummy's making all kinds of gurglies. Maybe I oughta just feed on whatever's around... (Buffy looking at Richard. Richard looking bemused) even if it doesn't go down well. (to Richard) You, uh, work out? BUFFY: Okey-dokey. Buffy quickly gets up, grabs Spike by his sleeve, hauls him to his feet and toward the door. BUFFY: (to Richard) 'Scuse us. Buffy hauls Spike into the foyer. BUFFY: Hey, Mister Passive-Aggressive Guy. Seriously, you wanna take it down a notch or two in there? SPIKE: What, poor dainty Richard can't take a joke? BUFFY: (firmly) We do not joke about eating people in this house! SPIKE: (angrily) What are you gonna do, beat me up again? BUFFY: I should have thrown you out the second you got here. (Spike rolling his eyes) I was insane to ever think you could just hang out with my friends. SPIKE: And *I* was insane to think... (pauses) No, wait. You were right. *You're* insane. Cut to the kitchen. Tara is pouring milk into a bowl of cereal. WILLOW: (OS) Oh, hi. TARA: (looks up) Hey. Willow walks over, stands by the island across from Tara. TARA: Breakfast. Didn't really plan for a sleep-over. WILLOW: I know, me either. It's weird, I ... I have class, and I know I should go, but...(sits) TARA: I know, i-it's like, I wanna leave, but I don't want to. WILLOW: (smiles) Exactly. Tara smiles back. Cut back to the foyer. Buffy and Spike continue arguing. BUFFY: (angrily) I think it's time for you to go. SPIKE: Yeah, well, can't. (gesturing) Daylight. BUFFY: Okay. I'll go. SPIKE: I'll get the door. BUFFY: Fine! SPIKE: Fine! BUFFY: I'm actually trying to move right now. SPIKE: (quieter) Me too. They both stand there, not moving. Buffy sighs, frowns. BUFFY: Well ... this can't be good. Spike shakes his head, agreeing. Cut to the living room. The entire party is gathered. They all sit or stand around, staring at each other. BUFFY: There's something keeping us in this house. XANDER: Or someone. TARA: Has everyone tried to get out? WILLOW: What if we just, like, as a group, got up and, and threw ourselves at the door? XANDER: All right. Count of three. (everyone preparing) One ... two ... three! No one moves. XANDER: Here we go! Still nothing. Buffy looks around. Shot of Dawn sitting off to the side, looking sullen. BUFFY: Hence the problem. RICHARD: I really need to go. I mean, I have a job to get to. ANYA: I have to open the Magic Box. SOPHIE: I have a shift at the DoubleMeat. (thinks) Actually, I'm okay here. CLEM: Yeah, I'm, I'm fine. XANDER: Willow and Tara have class, I gotta be at the site. BUFFY: I know, I know, we all have places that we'd rather be. Shot of Dawn looking up at that, looking upset. SPIKE: (softly) Things we'd rather be doing. BUFFY: I think the first priority has to be to find a way out. DAWN: Sure. Of course you all wanna leave. (Buffy looking at her) 'Cause being stuck in here with me, that would really suck, right? Buffy frowns slightly. WILLOW: No, Dawnie! It's just, we have more important things to do. DAWN: (disgusted) Yeah, I know. Important. (gets up) Whatever that means, right? Dawn storms past them and up the stairs. They all watch her go. Everyone looks at Buffy. Cut to Dawn's bedroom. Dawn runs in, flops down on her stomach on the bed. Buffy enters, followed by Tara, Willow, Xander, and Spike. BUFFY: Dawn? DAWN: What? BUFFY: Did you do something? DAWN: (exasperated) Me? TARA: Do you know something? 'Cause we want you to feel like you can tell us. Dawn sits up, turns to face them. DAWN: (angrily) What would I know? WILLOW: Look, we're not accusing you of anything, it's just ... you were kind of taking it personal down there. DAWN: Oh. Okay. So you've all just decided that somehow I'm responsible. (sourly) Great. Here's me baskin' in the love. XANDER: No, it's just, you know, you're upset 'cause we all wanna leave. And now we can't leave. Only thing missing is a cornfield. There ... there isn't a cornfield, is there? BUFFY: Dawnie, it's okay. You know, we're not gonna be mad. DAWN: Yeah, only I didn't do anything! WILLOW: You sure? DAWN: You want me to ask my other self? BUFFY: Dawn, we're just trying to figure out what's going on. DAWN: (angrily) Figure it out yourself. I'm done being talked to like a kid. XANDER: Well, 'cause you know, sometimes we do something that seems like a good idea at the time, like, say, invoke the power of a musical amulet? And it turns out, you know, not so much. DAWN: God! I didn't do anything! I wish I had. (Buffy frowning) I'm glad you're trapped. (very angrily) How else can I get anybody to spend any time with me? BUFFY: Dawn. If you want us to spend time with you- DAWN: I don't. Get out. Buffy stares at her. DAWN: (shrieking) Get out, get out, get out! The others exit, leaving only Buffy and Dawn. Dawn turns away angrily, lies down on her stomach on the bed again. Buffy stares at her for a moment, then leaves. ANYA VOICEOVER: I think she's possessed. Cut to downstairs. Anya and Xander sit side-by-side on the sofa. XANDER: She's a teenager. We see Buffy, Willow, and Spike sitting around too. Tara comes in from the dining room. TARA: Phones are all out, we're totally cut off. They all sigh and groan. BUFFY: (quietly) She's just so angry. TARA: It happens. We all went through it. BUFFY: I know. I just can't figure out why she didn't come to me. XANDER: Well, you have been a little busy lately. Xander and Anya look at Buffy. She looks grim. SPIKE: Hey, I don't wanna keep you all from the touchy-feelies, but maybe the encounter group can meet later. Say, when we're not trapped in a house. TARA: Even if Dawn does know something, she's obviously not gonna help us right now. We need another way. BUFFY: I think magic's gonna be our best bet. (Willow looking alarmed) Something general, you know? Cast a wide net. (Tara nodding) XANDER: But ... Willow. (gesturing toward Willow with his head) TARA: No, I'll do it. (Willow fidgeting nervously) It's just, o-obviously I didn't bring any supplies. Willow looks guilty. BUFFY: (OS) Well, we don't have any in the house. We got rid of everything. WILLOW: Actually ... not everything. (guilty) I, uh... might have ... kept one or, or two things. Sort of. Tara and Buffy look shocked. WILLOW: ...just in case. XANDER: That's great! Beat. Anya, Tara, and Buffy look somber. XANDER: ...in a very bad way. (shaking finger at Willow) Tara sighs, stands up. TARA: (to Willow) Just ... bring me what you have. (firmly) But I'm doing this alone. You need to stay away from it. Tara exits, leaving the others to sit around looking grim. Cut to: exterior shot of the house, day. Cut to the kitchen. Buffy and Xander watch as Tara mixes ingredients, using kitchen implements and bowls. She scoops a damp mixture of herbs from one bowl into another and mashes it down. Cut to the foyer. Willow, Spike, and Anya stand in a row in front of the front door. ANYA: So we're supposed to just wait? WILLOW: It won't take long. Sophie, Richard, and Clem appear in the dining-room doorway. RICHARD: All right, somebody wanna tell me what's, what's going on here? We're trapped in a house by ... by what, some unseen force or something. (gesturing at the door) Who knows what she's doing in there. (pointing to the kitchen) And I have to tell you... (looks back at Clem scratching his head with clawed fingers) I don't think that's a skin condition. Cut back to the kitchen. Tara uses a match to set her mixture on fire, then blows out the match. Red smoke billows up out of the bowl. Shot of the smoke curling in a wavy line through the door toward the living room. TARA: Release. The smoke curls over to where the demon sword is sitting, leaning against a china cabinet. The smoke swirls around the sword. TARA: (calls) Try the door! Spike steels himself. Close shot of his hand curling into a fist. Close shot of his feet trying to move. Shot of the sword as the last of the magic swirls into it and a silvery puddle begins to swirl out of it onto the floor. Close shot on Spike's face as he grits his teeth and concentrates on the door. Close shot on the closed door. Willow and Anya both look at Spike. Close shot on Spike's fist uncurling. SPIKE: (annoyed) No. Can't. They all look disappointed. Richard, Sophie, and Clem walk out into the foyer to join the other three. They all stare at the door. Spike rubs his forehead. Close shot on the still-closed door. Cut back to the living room. The fully re-formed demon picks up his sword. He growls. Sunlight glints off the sword blade. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act III [SCENE_BREAK] Open on the foyer. Clem, Sophie, Willow, Spike, Anya, and Richard stand staring at the closed door. The demon attacks them from the living room, growling. Everyone scatters, some of them screaming. The demon enters the foyer and swings his sword, slashing Richard across the stomach. On the back-swing, his sword arm hits Spike, who grabs the arm and struggles with the demon. Buffy, Xander, and Tara enter from the kitchen. Buffy tackles the demon, both landing on the living-room floor. Spike follows them in. The demon melts into the floor and disappears. Buffy sits up, frowning, then stands up. She and Spike exchange a confused look. Xander, Tara, and Anya bend over the injured Richard. The demon reappears behind Buffy, lifting his sword in both hands. Buffy grabs his hands. He shoves her back. She flies into Spike, and both of them go down. The demon disappears again. Buffy gets to her feet again. SPIKE: What the bloody hell was that? BUFFY: That's the demon I killed two nights ago. SPIKE: The demon you thought you killed. XANDER: It looks pretty bad. Buffy looks over in horror at Richard. ANYA: Oh god. Oh, god. They roll Richard over onto his back, revealing a bloody gash that goes all the way across his stomach. TARA: Let's get him upstairs. (to Buffy) We need to get him to a doctor soon. BUFFY: (addressing everyone) Hey, i-it's gonna be okay. Spike looks annoyed, gets up off the floor. BUFFY: Just trust me, I promise we'll be out of here soon. Cut to: exterior shot of the house, night. Cut to inside. Sophie stands holding a curtain aside, looking out at the darkness. SOPHIE: Oh god. Oh god. Pull back to reveal the living room. Spike stands a little ways behind Sophie, arms folded. Buffy walks into the shot between them. BUFFY: Okay, so maybe 'soon' was a bit of an overstatement. SPIKE: So, you ever think about *not* celebrating a birthday? Just to try it, I mean. BUFFY: I'm gonna go check upstairs. Keep an eye on things down here? Spike nods. Buffy turns to go. BUFFY: You stay here, okay? We see that Buffy was addressing Dawn, who sits on the sofa looking sullen. Close shot on Dawn as Buffy exits. Weird creaking noises. Dawn looks around in alarm. Spike looks around too. DAWN: What's that noise? It's in the walls, isn't it? Spike leans close to the wall, listening. Creaking noises continue. Spike moves slowly along the wall, listening. Cut to Willow's bedroom. Richard lies on the bed trembling and breathing shallowly. Tara sits beside him, tending to his wound. Willow stands nearby. Creaking noises continue. Willow and Tara look around nervously. Tara resumes cleaning Richard's wound with a piece of gauze and a bottle of antiseptic. Richard looks around nervously. The noises continue. Cut to the hallway. Buffy walks along slowly, holding a dagger, looking around. Looking the other way, she comes upon Clem and they both gasp in alarm. CLEM: (nervously) Sorry. Buffy sighs. Cut to another part of the house. Anya and Xander sit on the floor. Anya is panting and fiddling with the lapels of her white blouse, which is partly unbuttoned. She wears a black tank-top underneath it. ANYA: Why is it so hot in here? XANDER: You're just a little freaked out, that's all. It'll pass. ANYA: He's gonna die. He's gonna die, and we're gonna watch. XANDER: Ahn... ANYA: And we're just sitting here. Why are we just sitting here? Why aren't we doing something? XANDER: We are. We will. We've been through worse. ANYA: (panting, rubbing her chest) Not like this. Not trapped like animals. Seriously, did someone turn on the heat? (unbuttoning her blouse) I can't breathe, I just ... oh, I just can't breathe ... I can't breathe... XANDER: (grabbing her hands) Ahn, stop. Stop, Ahn, stop! He manages to stop her, and she turns to look at him. XANDER: Listen to me. You're just freaking out, okay? It's normal. You're just ... you're just scared. We all are. We'll come up with a plan ... and we'll get through it, all right? (Anya nodding, creaking noises continue) We'll do something. ANYA: What? XANDER: I don't know. (brushing hair out of her face) Lemme get you some water, okay? (Anya nodding) It'll cool you down. I'll be back in a second, okay? Stay here, don't move. He gets up and leaves. Anya sits there panting. Cut to the foyer. Xander comes down the stairs. Creaking noises continue. He looks around nervously. He reaches the bottom, turns toward the kitchen. Suddenly the demon emerges from the wall behind Xander and grabs him from behind. Shot of Anya sitting in the dark by herself as we hear Xander scream. Shot of Xander being held around the middle, arms pinned to his sides, with the sword at his throat. Shot of Spike hearing, running toward the noise. ANYA: Xander? Xander struggles with the demon. Spike rushes in, grabs the demon's sword arm and tries to pull it away. But he can't, so instead he knuckle-punches the demon in the ribs. The demon growls and hits Spike with his elbow. Spike goes down. The demon throws Xander aside. He hits the wall and crouches there. Buffy rushes in, still holding the dagger. The demon turns to attack her. She ducks a sword-thrust. The demon kicks her dagger hand, and the dagger goes flying. The demon whirls around with the sword, slicing Xander's arm. Then turns back to Buffy. BUFFY: Grab the sword! She kicks the demon and ducks another swing as Spike gets up and grabs the demon's sleeve, punches it in the face. The demon flings Spike back and he goes down yet again. Buffy grabs the demon's arms and kicks him in the stomach. He reels back and melts into the wall again. Spike gets up on his elbows and both he and Buffy watch the demon disappear. BUFFY: Are you hurt? Shot of Xander on the floor, groaning in pain. BUFFY: Here, let me see. Buffy takes a step forward but doesn't actually go to either of the men. ANYA: (OS) Xander. Xander looks up. Anya stands at the foot of the stairs staring at him. Xander gets painfully to his feet and goes to Anya. XANDER: It's okay. I'm okay, see? Shh. He strokes her face gently and leans his forehead against hers. XANDER: (whispers) It's all right. I'm okay. Shot of Buffy watching this wistfully. Fade to later. Buffy comes around a corner from the dining room to the foyer, and finds Dawn standing against a wall. Creaking noises continue. BUFFY: It's getting kinda scary. You okay? DAWN: (sullen, not looking at Buffy) Do you care? BUFFY: (exasperated) Fine. Stay with Spike. Buffy walks off. Cut to upstairs. Buffy walks into her bedroom. Dawn comes in behind her. DAWN: It's not like I meant for this to happen. BUFFY: I never said that you did. DAWN: I didn't want this. Buffy turns to face her. BUFFY: What did you want? DAWN: (softly) Nothing. BUFFY: Dawn, come on. DAWN: No. You don't know! You have this thing you do. You have all these friends. (softly) You have no idea what it's like. BUFFY: What are you talking about? I don't know what, what- DAWN: Being alone! BUFFY: You're not alone! DAWN: Then why do I feel like this? Cut to the dining room. Tara and Spike standing next to each other. TARA: I just think we haven't thought of the right way out yet, that's all. Reveal Xander and Willow standing nearby, and Anya sitting at the dining-room table. SPIKE: Well, we can't just stay put like cattle, waiting for that thing to pop out every time it gets peckish. TARA: I'd say we do another spell, but I, I think we've tried everything. ANYA: Well ... that's not completely true, is it? (Tara frowning) I mean, not everything. (looks at Willow) Not exactly. (Willow looking nervous) We're sitting here with an incredibly powerful witch ... much more powerful than you, Tara, I'm sorry ... only no one seems willing to say it. WILLOW: I can't. ANYA: No, see, that's not exactly true either. (angrily) Not can't, won't. WILLOW: You don't know how much I hate this. I don't know if there's even ... anything I could do. ANYA: Yes ... and a good way to find out is to sit around and try nothing. That was sarcasm, by the way. SPIKE: Look- WILLOW: It's dangerous. ANYA: And so is all of us dying! XANDER: Will ... look, I don't wanna gang up on you ... but Anya kinda has a point. (Willow looking anxious) We brought you back from it once. We're all here, it's just one little spell, (Spike shaking his head) whatever happens, we can bring you back again. WILLOW: (firmly) No. I can't. (to Anya) If I start, I ... I might not be able to stop. ANYA: And whose fault is that? (stands up, walks toward Willow) You know, if you hadn't gotten so much of this in your system in the first place- TARA: Hey! You're gonna back off! Tara gets in between Willow and Anya, faces Anya down. TARA: She said no, and that's it. You're not gonna make her do something that she doesn't want to. And if you try... (folds arms across her chest) You're gonna have to go through me first. Understood? Anya glares at her. ANYA: Fine. If you all aren't willing to get us out of this, then I will do it myself. Anya walks past the witches and goes up the stairs. Shot of Sophie and Clem sitting on the sofa, watching Anya. Then exchanging a look. Cut to Buffy's bedroom. Buffy and Dawn sit on the bed side-by-side. BUFFY: I wish you would have told me. DAWN: You haven't really been... BUFFY: What? I haven't been what? DAWN: Around. BUFFY: Dawn ... the most important job that I have ... is looking out for you. DAWN: (small smile) You sound like my guidance counselor. She give you a handbook or something? 'Talkin' to the Troubled Teen'? BUFFY: (frowning) Counselor? DAWN: It wasn't my idea. I didn't even know we had guidance counselors. She called me out of class like I was a total J.D. BUFFY: And you'd ... never met her before? DAWN: No, not until yesterday. BUFFY: And ... she got you to start talking about things that bothered you at home? DAWN: (uncertain) Uh ... yeah? BUFFY: You didn't, by any chance, happen to ... express like a, a wish, or-or something, to her? DAWN: (nervous) Um ... maybe just a little. Sound of thumping and crashing. Dawn and Buffy look up, both jump up. Cut to Dawn's room. Anya is pulling books and stuff off the shelves. XANDER: Honey, come on, this isn't the way, calm down. ANYA: (still searching) She knows something. She knows something, we have to find out what it is. Anya begins looking through the drawers of Dawn's desk. Dawn and Buffy enter. DAWN: Hey! XANDER: Ahn, just stop for a second. ANYA: There's gotta be a clue in here somewhere. DAWN: Stop it! Dawn starts forward, but Buffy stops her. BUFFY: Anya, it wasn't her fault. Anya picks up a small red box from the desk. DAWN: No! Anya opens the box and Dawn's stash of stolen jewelry falls out onto the floor. Anya stares in shock, bends down to look. Xander, Buffy, and Dawn stare in varying degrees of surprise and dismay. ANYA: Half this stuff is from the Magic Box. Anya picks up a few things, then picks up the entire handful, straightens up and glares at Dawn. ANYA: How could you do this? Buffy looks at Dawn, who looks upset and goes running out of the room. Anya follows, then Buffy and Xander. Cut to downstairs. Dawn comes running down the stairs with the others in pursuit. ANYA: I work hard at that store, and I helped you! (grabs Dawn's arm, turns her around) I took care of you. This is how you say 'thank you'? Buffy comes up beside Anya. BUFFY: Anya, hold on, okay? (to Dawn) Tell her you didn't do this. Tell her it's a mistake. Suddenly Buffy spots something over by the sofa. She looks shocked, walks that way. DAWN: (anguished) No! Buffy walks over, stares down at the box holding the black leather jacket that Dawn gave her. BUFFY: Oh. (looking at Dawn) DAWN: (upset) Buffy... ANYA: How are we supposed to trust you, Dawn? I mean, you ... you say you didn't put us here, but look at this stuff! How are we supposed to believe you? Shot of all the others gathering around. BUFFY: Look, I-I don't think she- I don't think it's all her fault, okay? She ... there was a guidance counselor, or someone pretending to be a guidance counselor, she, she made Dawn make a wish. ANYA: Guidance counselor? You made a wish to someone you've never seen before? DAWN: (nervous) Yeah? ANYA: Did she wear a pendant with a, with a dark blue stone? DAWN: And little red flecks? ANYA: Uhh, for crying out loud. (yells) Halfrek! (to Dawn) It's Halfrek, a vengeance demon. You made a wish to a vengeance demon. DAWN: I didn't know. ANYA: Only a vengeance demon can break her own vengeance spell. Nothing else will work. She's the only one who can get us out of here. (yells) Hallie, get your ass down here! Halfrek materializes just behind Anya, in a puff of smoke. HALFREK: (deep resonant voice) You rang? Anya turns toward her. Suddenly Halfrek gasps and looks down. Close shot of Halfrek's stomach with the end of a sword protruding out of it. Close on Halfrek's face as she collapses to the floor, revealing the demon standing behind her. Close on Buffy staring in horror. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act IV [SCENE_BREAK] Open on the same scene. The demon attacks Buffy who grabs his hands and then punches him. Anya punches him from behind as well, distracting him. ANYA: (punching) I hope you die, you stupid jerkface! The last punch sends him reeling back. He swings his sword and Anya leaps on him from behind, struggling with his sword arm while Buffy kicks him in the stomach. Spike leaps into the fray too, grabbing the demon from behind. The demon flings Anya off, she lands on the sofa. He flings Spike off too and swings the sword around randomly. Buffy ducks, watching for an opening. XANDER: Anya! Xander ducks under the sword swings and runs over to the sofa. The demon hits Buffy in the face and she reels back. Spike attacks again, distracting the demon so Buffy can kick him. The demon falls to the floor and melts into it, disappearing. The demon immediately reappears behind Spike, who grabs his sword arm. The demon drops the sword. Spike continues holding his arm and kicking him. SPIKE: The sword! Buffy picks the sword up off the floor as Spike continues struggling with the demon. Spike gives him a kick in the stomach and he reels backward as Buffy attacks with the sword. The demon turns and runs into the wall, disappearing into it. Buffy thrusts the sword into the wall where he went. The same blue light appears, suffusing everything as the others watch. The demon roars angrily. Close on the sword as the blue light fades and the hole in the wall closes up, the demon once again trapped in the sword. Buffy pulls the sword out of the wall and breaks it in two over her knee, causing one last flare of blue light. She throws the two halves down. Buffy looks over at Halfrek, who lies on the floor not moving. ANYA: Her pendant! Get her pendant! Anya and Buffy rush toward Halfrek. But before they reach her she sits up and puts out her hand toward Anya, who goes flying backward onto the sofa again. Buffy stares. HALFREK: (normal voice) There will be no touching of the pendant. Halfrek gets to her feet and brushes herself off, as everyone stares at her in surprise. HALFREK: What? (laughs) Did you think I'd be stopped by a sword in the chest? She looks down at her chest, pulls at her blouse so we can see the rip in it. HALFREK: Flesh wound. (Anya getting up) Honestly, Anyanka, you used to know better. ANYA: (coming closer) How could you? Why would you do this? HALFREK: I told you I was going to take care of some business while I was here in town. ANYA: Yeah, but cursing us? Some of them are in the wedding party. HALFREK: I just go where I'm- Halfrek pauses, looking to her right as Spike walks up. HALFREK: (shocked whisper) William? SPIKE: (frowning) Hey, wait a minute. BUFFY: You guys know each other? Shot of Willow, Clem, Sophie, and Tara getting up and approaching slowly. Halfrek still staring at Spike, but now she snaps out of it. HALFREK: (quickly) Uh, no. (laughs) No. She fiddles with her hair nervously. SPIKE: (still frowning) Not really. Shot of Buffy looking confused. TARA: I thought vengeance demons only punished men who wronged women. HALFREK: Oh, that was Anya's little raison d'être. Most of us try to be a little more well-rounded. And actually, we prefer 'justice demon.' Okay? FYI. ANYA: Well-rounded, huh? Is that how you explain your thing for bad parents? HALFREK: Oh, it's not a thing. The children need me. ANYA: Hmm! (coughing)Daddy issues(coughing) HALFREK: Sling all the little barbs at me that you want, Anyanka, it doesn't change the fact that this girl was in pain, (pointing at Dawn) and none of you could hear it. (Dawn looks down) I could hear her crying out everywhere I went in this town. (Anya looking guilty) It was unbearable. And none of you knew. Halfrek looks at Buffy, shaking her head. Buffy looks upset. HALFREK: You people deserve to be cursed. (shot of the others listening) Enjoy your time together. From now on ... all you have is time. (to Anya) Time ... and each other. Good luck! Shot of Spike frowning. Shot of Buffy looking upset. Shot of the others watching. Dramatic music swells. Halfrek makes a dramatic motion with both arms, but does not disappear. She looks surprised. HALFREK: Wait ... (nervous laugh) Wait. Shot of Buffy looking surprised. Shot of Spike raising his eyebrows. HALFREK: (muttering to herself) Time, and each other. Dramatic music. Dramatic arm gesture. Halfrek again fails to disappear. She looks annoyed. ANYA: (rolling her eyes) It's the curse, Hallie. HALFREK: Oh, for crying out loud. Fine, the curse is lifted! We can all leave now! ... Damn it. She snaps her fingers and disappears. Everyone else looks relieved and excited. Spike looks over at Buffy, who just looks pensive. Cut to the kitchen. Tara is packing remnants of herbs into plastic baggies while Willow watches. WILLOW: Thanks ... for before. And, and for taking this stuff with you. TARA: (nodding) No problem. WILLOW: Just so you know, I-I was never ... gonna use it. I mean, not really, I ... I just kept it like a safety net. 'Cause ... there was always this ... thing in the back of my head. This, you know, voice, saying, like, 'what if things get bad, I mean really bad? And what if you can't handle it?' A-and it made me panic, so ... that's why I kept a couple of things. I ... kept them so I-I didn't have to think about it, so I could focus on ... on getting better. TARA: I get it. I-I really do. But it's time to work without the net, Will. (Willow looking anxious) You know, I don't know if you noticed, but it actually did get bad in there. Really bad, and ... and you still said no. Tara smiles, goes back to her task. Willow slowly begins to smile too. Cut to the foyer. Anya and Xander come down the stairs, supporting Richard between them. Richard grimaces in pain. The others all gather around. RICHARD: You have some weird friends. XANDER: News from the file marked 'duh.' (to Buffy) We're gonna get him to the E.R. (Buffy nodding) ANYA: And then we're gonna talk about payment. And Dawnie, there are two words I want you to get used to... Shot of Dawn looking nervous. ANYA: (OS) Punitive damages. BUFFY: (to Spike) Think it's worn off? SPIKE: Just one thing to do. Spike walks toward the door. Everyone watches him anxiously. He takes hold of the doorknob, looks around at the others, opens the door with a flourish. Xander smiles happily. He and Anya begin carrying/helping Richard out. Willow, Tara, Sophie, and Clem follow excitedly. Cut to outside. Xander and Anya, with Richard supported between them, emerge onto the porch. The others are close behind. ANYA: Okay, who's pushing? They all start down the stairs. TARA: Wow, look at the stars! CLEM: (turning back to give Buffy a thumbs-up) Good party! Buffy remains in the foyer, giving a wry smile at Clem's remark. XANDER: (OS) I just wanna run barefoot on the grass so I can feel the dew-drops between my... God, look at the stars! Spike gives Buffy a similar wry smile, then turns and walks out as well. Shot from inside, pointing out the front door at the group as they walk down the path to the street. Shot from outside, pointing in the front door as only Dawn and Buffy are left. Buffy walks forward, goes over to the doorway. Dawn turns and follows, stands a little ways behind Buffy, watching her sadly. Buffy looks at Dawn. Shot from outside. Buffy takes hold of the door and closes it. Dawn's face slowly breaks into a smile as the closing door hides them from our view. Blackout.

Dawn, feeling that nobody wants to spend time with her, makes a wish in front of a vengeance demon that everyone would stay with her. Fulfilling her wish, the demon causes everyone at Buffy's birthday party to be unable to leave.

fd_NCIS__Los_Angeles_06x08

fd_NCIS__Los_Angeles_06x08_0

(pans clanging) Man: Wakey, wakey! Rise and shine. Man 1: Who wants to fight, huh? Come on, get up. Pathetic. You're all pathetic! Who wants to fight? How about you? Come on! Hey, you! Man: Hey, leave us alone! Get up here, come on! Pathetic! Pathetic, pathetic! Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey, where's the fire, old-timer? Hey, hey, hey, hey. Come on, man, stick around. Have ourselves a good old-fashioned bum fight. I'm talking to you! Come on! Fight me! Huh? I said, Fi... (man sobbing) (screaming) (grunting) (breathlessly): Okay, okay. (groaning) (Taser crackling, man grunting) ♪ NCIS: LA 6x08 ♪ Original Air Date on November 17, 2014 [SCENE_BREAK] Sam: Yeah. Oh, that's good, baby. That's really good. Now, you remember the difference between obtuse and acute angles? Girl: Uh, not really. Okay, think about it, we went over this last night. Now, when something's small it's cute. So, an angle that's smaller than 90 degrees... Girl: It's acute. Sam: There you go. You're gonna ace this math quiz. Girl: Yay! All right, Daddy's got to go, I lo... Girl: Love you, Daddy. Huh? I love you. Sam: I love you, too. Girl: Bye, Daddy. All right, beautiful. Bye-bye. Girl: Bye. Wow, that's, uh... father-of-the-year material right there. Callen: You know, if you're not careful, she's gonna end up a mathlete just like her old man. Junior Math Olympian. How many times do I have to tell you that? Till it stops being funny. Which is never. Sam: Okay, laugh all you want, but that's not what makes me father of the year, this is. You've put a GPS tracker on your daughter. We gave her a cell phone. Huh. Isn't she kind of young? The world's kind of dangerous. A cell phone lets me know where she is at all times, and she can contact me in case of emergency. You know, it's about peace of mind, simple as that. All right, you know, as long as you're not smothering her. (cell phone buzzes) I don't smother. Hey, baby, you okay? Something wrong? Hey, Daddy, can we have spaghetti for dinner tonight? You want spaghetti for dinner tonight. I want spaghetti for dinner tonight. Girl: Yeah, with meatballs. Sam: With meatballs. I'm coming over, I'm bringing Monty. Girl: Can you do it? Sam: Okay, Daddy can do that. Sam: Daddy will get you some spaghetti and meatballs. Girl: Are you sure? Daddy can do anything, Daddy's a superhero. Thank you, Daddy, I love you! Sam: Okay, all right. I love you, too. Okay, bye-bye. Bye! Well, peace of mind-- spaghetti crisis averted. You know, she's just starting, uh... She just got it, she's new to it. In a couple of days, you know, she'll... (cell phone buzzes) Hmm. Sure she's not smothering you, Super Daddy? Baby, I have... Daddy, listen-- Knock, knock. Okay, who's there? Doughnut. Doughnut who? Doughnut ask, it's a secret. Great, look... You like it? You have to go to class, and Daddy has to go back to work. Girl: I love you. Sam: I love you, too. All right, sweetheart. All right, bye-bye. Girl: Bye, Daddy. Bye. Doughnut who? What's the punch line? (whistling) Granger danger. All hands on deck. Deeks: Come on, what's the punch line? Sam-dog, what's the punch line? Don't do this, don't leave me hanging here. What's the punch line? Doughnut ask, it's a secret. Oh. (laughs) Oh, that is... that's actually pretty funny. That's a cute joke! Eric: Early this morning, LAPD was alerted to the body of a homeless John Doe in a North Hollywood alley. No I.D., no police record, and no fingerprints on file. Well, that rules out a Marine or Navy vet. Not exactly, Agent Hanna. The man's fingerprints are on file, (cell phone buzzes) just not in any law enforcement database. When LAPD scanned John Doe's fingerprints, it triggered a classified DoD alert. Granger: His name's Harrison Goodsell. Marine, member of the CIA Special Activities Division. Over the past two decades, he's worked dozens of classified ops. Afghanistan, Russia. Even Iran and North Korea. The people who worked with Goodsell called him The Grey Man. Wait, what's... what's "The Grey Man"? It's a term used in special ops. A Grey Man is someone who has the skills to blend into any environment and remain unnoticed. Unknowable. Best way to avoid confrontation in hostile territory. But not 100 percent effective. M.E. reports that Goodsell was tortured before his killers finished him off. Cut his throat. You're worried someone got to the secrets in Goodsell's head. Years later, that kind of Intel could put American lives at risk. We should talk to some of his friends in Special Activities. I'll handle the CIA, Agent Callen. Your team should focus on the murder investigation. Sam and I'll check out the crime scene. Kensi, Deeks-- get his photo around to all the shelters, see if anybody knew him. Report all findings to me. Kensi: Sir? Do we know why Goodsell ended up living on the street? Well, CIA reports he had a breakdown last year. Diagnosed PTSD, multiple traumatic brain injuries. You know how the story goes. Yeah, yeah. Let's get moving. All right, thanks, Eric. Keep looking. Down here. Thanks. Goodsell has no family. Parents are deceased, no kids, never married. Typical Grey Man. They don't punch out at the end of the day. It's not conducive to starting a family. You did. (chuckles) I'm not a Grey Man. You, on the other hand... Have a girlfriend, have a home. I'm doing just fine, thank you. You're welcome. Five years ago-- different story. I put a lot of work into you, G. Oh, so what, am I like Charlene, your, uh, car you used to restore in your spare time? I'm saying it's about having a support system, a safety net. Grey Man works without them. When he falls, he hits the ground hard. Ends up here. May I? Sure. Lot of stuff here. Not sure if any of it's gonna be helpful. Sam: Yeah. No cameras on either end of the alley. Or the adjoining streets. Perfect place for a body dump. They got a fingerprint and a downtown area code for Civic Sushi. I'll send a copy of the print to Eric, see if it matches our Grey Man. Kensi: Civic Sushi has four-and-a-half stars on Yelp, all you can eat till noon. You realize that you just had breakfast in the car, right? That wasn't breakfast, that was, uh... Second breakfast? Elevenses? What, bath meal? Hey, when you've gone days without eating like I have, you learn to appreciate food. I'm just saying it's kind of hard to appreciate something when you devour it. Literally, I blinked, and the burrito was gone. Welcome to Civic Sushi. Please, have a seat anywhere. We're actually not eating. We're just here to ask some questions to the manager. I'm the manager. Hideo. Great. In that case, do you recognize this man? Yes, he is a customer. A regular. He ate here? That's very charitable of you. No charity, he paid like everyone. Tipped well, too. I'm sorry, the homeless man tipped you? Homeless? No, he wore a nice suit, tie. Talked on his phone, he was a businessman. Why don't you look at the picture one more time. Ah, come, I'll show you. He's in this photo I took of DJ Salmon Run. KZPZ-- best hip-hop in town. That's him. That's Goodsell. The hell was this guy up to? Eric: Using the downtown sushi place as a starting point, we scanned traffic cams within a five block radius. And in the 72 hours leading up to his death, we spotted Goodsell four times. All within the vicinity of Grand Park. Eric: Here he is yesterday, crossing the street toward Civic Sushi for a late lunch. And here he is, one day earlier, appearing in two different areas of Grand Park. Hmm. Back to being homeless. And finally, only six hours before that... One block away from the park. Again, in a business suit. Okay, not to be insensitive, but Granger did say that Goodsell suffered multiple traumatic brain injuries. I know guys with TBI who can't tie their shoelaces. Goodsell looks quick, purposeful. He's working an op. Question is-- for whom? This area he's covering is full of government agencies. You got the DEA, the USCIS. There's even a federal courthouse. He could be working for a foreign agency. The sushi manager doesn't know anything about him? No, and the shelters we talked to don't recognize him, either. But maybe their clients will. I mean, homeless people don't like to talk to law enforcement, but they do talk to each other. As do the suits grabbing coffee at the park. So, maybe that's our plan. You go doll up with your casual business wear, and I'll get Artie out of the freezer. We'll make a day of it. Oh. I'm sorry, who's Artie? He named his smelly undercover jacket. Deeks: I did. It's a funny story, actually. 'Cause when Actually, we were... it's not, it's really gross. So, let's go, get out of here. I wore that thing, it gave me a rash. That's part of its authenticity, man. Where's your dedication to the art form? You thinking what I'm thinking? I'm trying not to think about your rash. Callen: If Goodsell didn't have a breakdown, then either Granger got bad information... Or he lied to us. Where's Granger? He went out. Didn't say where. Mr. Hanna, your daughter called me twice this morning. I told her not to use your number unless it was an emergency. Oh, but it was. She said, um, Forget the spaghetti. She'd rather have lasagna for dinner. Ouch. I mean, twice the prep, not to mention the cook time, of course. All right, good. Well, the quicker we solve this case, the better. Oh, yes. The elusive Grey Man. Unfortunately, Owen has, um, revoked my access on this case. Why would he do that? I think you'll have to ask him. I overheard him say something about going out to have froyo with his good friend, Claude Rains. "Claude Rains"? Isn't that the actor from Casablanca? Yes. And Notorious and The Invisible Man and Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. Quite a career Mr. Rains had. Hetty? Pretty sure he's dead. True. But that doesn't necessarily mean you can't have froyo with him. [SCENE_BREAK] Oh... Just keep moving, Barnes. Just pretend we're still old friends. We were never friends, Granger. You're right. My mistake. So, this is about our Grey Man, isn't it? (grunts) I want to hear the truth, Barnes, straight from your lying mouth. The truth? Since when is the CIA in the truth-telling business? Fine. Then we'll just pick up where we left off in Afghanistan. No weapons. No tricks. Just you and me. (grunts) Callen: Ouch! Believe it or not, you landed on Robert Ripley. (grunting) Get up. All right, hand him over. Yeah, how about we make a trade? That's not how this works. Today it is. Him for some answers. I guess we're both in the truth-telling business now, huh, Granger? Shut up. Put your hands behind your back. Hey. Hi, sir... with the bubble wrap? Sir, I see you're very busy. I'm just wondering if you'd seen my buddy? That's him on the left. We served together in Afghanistan. And he said he was gonna be living down here. No? Okay. You... Kensilina? I'm striking out here. No one remembers Goodsell. Or they're too, uh... disturbed or too high to remember anything. Kensi: Hey, he left his wallet on the table and I tried the address, but he doesn't live there anymore-- do you know him? Nah. No. No? Okay, thank you. I can't... Sorry. Have any luck down there, Kens? That would be a negative. And I'm on my third cup of coffee. I'm not sure how much my bladder can it take anymore. I could kill for a cup of coffee right now. You want to switch me? And put on that jacket? No, thank you. I wouldn't let Artie touch me. Well, I'll have you know that you're not really Artie's type anyway. I used to be. What? What do you mean? You know, I lived on the street down here after my dad died? Um, no. No, I didn't, uh... No, I didn't know that. You're lying to me. I know Hetty told you. Hetty? No, come on. Hetty didn't tell me anything. Actually, she specifically said that she didn't tell me anything. You can fool everyone else, Deeks. Can't fool me. So, you want to talk about it? Not really. Like it was even me anymore. Just a... just a different person. Well, I wish I would've known her. No, you don't. Excuse me... sir, I'm looking for somebody... Uh, it's not gonna... His name's Paul Barnes, CIA. He handled Goodsell's covert ops. You think he had him killed? Why? He led the manhunt for Jack Simon in Afghanistan. The White Ghost mission. Since then, I've been keeping tabs on Barnes. So, when I learned he flew into town last night, I started looking for reasons why. Friend at the DoD tipped me off to Goodsell. And like Simon, Goodsell's a special operative who'd gone off the grid. But he didn't have a breakdown. No. That was just the cover story. Goodsell went AWOL last November. The CIA lost him. That's why you kept Hetty on the sidelines. Because of the way she handled Afghanistan. I was trying to protect her from another inter-agency quagmire. But as usual, she couldn't resist stirring the pot. You're too close to this. Meaning what, Agent Hanna? Meaning we'll handle the interrogation. All right. Five minutes. There are a handful of Grey Men out there. But none of them were like Goodsell. You know, I worked with the guy for over a decade, and I couldn't tell you the first thing about him. No personal connection. Makes it easier to have him killed. (laughs) Nicely done. I like how you turned that around on me. The only problem is I didn't do it. Although I will admit that the world is a safer place with him dead. Callen: All right. So, if you're not here for the hit, why are you here? Hmm? Is this a vacation? (laughs) Ha-hardly. I hate Los Angeles. I hate the people. I hate the sun. You know, I got sunburned so badly in Afghanistan that I had to be hospitalized. Sam: Okay, this is a waste of time. Let's bring Granger in. Okay, relax, relax, relax. Relax. Let's everybody take a deep breath. (exhales) The reason that I am here is because yesterday Goodsell contacted me through one of his old handles. You don't believe me, check my phone. You try and wipe this... I know, I know. You'll let Granger come in here and kill me. Believe me, Agent Callen. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. "Need to meet tomorrow, "Los Angeles. You help me, I'm back in." Goodsell may have been valuable dead. But he was much more valuable alive. I came here to bring him in. He also sent you photos. Who are they? Uh, the women, I don't know. Although I wish I did. The men, they're from the Peña Cartel. Sam: Did Goodsell operate inside of Mexico? Mm-mm. Interact with the cartels? Never. Never. But I don't think our Grey Man died for old secrets. I think they killed him for something new. Deeks: Wow, you're, like, assaulting that burger. Kensi: You have no idea. It's so good. Yeah, wow. Go easy. Mmm. It looks pretty delicious. Why? You hungry? Yeah, I'm starving. French... Oh, you're offering...? You want me to have...? Thank you. French fry. It's still warm. Getting free french fries over here. Hey, so, I'm looking for my, uh, my buddy. We were in the war together. This is him. You haven't...? You haven't seen this guy? My buddy, have you seen...? You're not listening to me. Man: Good day, miss. Oh, that's why you're not... Good day. You want me to stand? Yeah, I'll stand. What do we, what do we do now? Hats off. Good day, miss. Fine weather we're having. My, don't you look lovely. You look lovely. We think you look lovely. Man: We do. Deeks: Wow, dinner and a show. Well done, old-timer. You got the world figured out here, don't you? Another french fry. Don't mind if I do. Deeks, check out the woman in the red skirt. Deeks: Uh, it's hard not to. Kensi: Calm down. I got pictures from ops of two women who might be linked to the Peña Cartel. She's one of them. Wow, yeah. She's a hot tamale. Kensi: Oh, you've got to be kidding me. See those guys she's joining? I was checking them out earlier. They got badges and concealed weapons. They're DEA. Looks like Goodsell wasn't the only spy working the area. Kensi: Want to know why the Grey Man died? I say we start with her. Eric: We put Goodsell's photos through facial rec. We I.D.'d the first woman as Bonnie Flores. She has prior run-ins with LAPD for prostitution. She's currently at the Grand Park food court. Kensi and Deeks are keeping an eye on her. What about the second woman? It's, uh, not a clear shot. So nothing on facial rec so far. Any connection to the Peña Cartel? Eric: No. And since Mexico arrested Domingo Peña seven months ago, the cartel's been relatively quiet. Now, Peña's nickname is El Ojo, or The Eye. One, because, well, he wears an eye patch. Which, for the record, he didn't even need. Just thought it made him look tough. Nell: And two, because he has eyes everywhere in the Mexican government, aiding in his drug empire. The DEA and the U.S. Attorney's Office have been working to extradite Peña from Mexico ever since his arrest. Kensi said the woman was talking to DEA agents and lawyers. Cartel could be trying to target someone involved in the Peña case, hoping to sabotage the extradition6 Classic honey trap. Espionage through seduction. If we warn the DEA, they may overreact, tip off the cartel. Same thing will happen if we try to arrest this woman in broad daylight. Yeah. We need to bring her in without disturbing the waters. [SCENE_BREAK] Hetty. Hetty: Gentlemen. I may have an idea. Oh, back in the game. Owen and I have, uh, reached an understanding. This is one cat you don't put in a bag. Meet me in wardrobe. Okay. (camera shutter clicks) Eric, I'm sending you another photo now. Deeks: All right, Kensilina, I'm ready. Ready for what? My homeless act. How am I doing? Hit me. A "B." A "B"... All right, I'll take that. Minus. B-minus? Aw, come on! Kensi: Come on? Artie's doing all the work. You're just, uh... riding his coattails. Wow. Riding his coa... You should be ashamed for that play on words. Now there is something you don't see every day. What? Look... it's under Mexican jurisdiction. it's as simple as that. There's nothing simple about it. He will never make it to trial in Mexico. Sam: You don't know that. You want to bet? Peña will be out on bail within one week. Sam: Look, all I'm saying is it'll mean something to the people there. It's not gonna mean anything if the guy doesn't make it to trial! I'm sorry. My friend's a little stressed. My apologies. Callen: I'm not stressed. Yeah. I'm fine. I'm sorry. Stressed. Sounds like you two could use a break. Oh, you have no idea. Ooh, taking the bait. Deeks: Wow, that skirt is working. You should probably borrow that from her. (Southern accent): You'd look real nice. Finer than a new set of snow tires. Stop talking. Deeks (southern): All right. Bonnie. Hi. I'm an admin assistant in the IRS office. How you doing? Ouch. I thought we had it tough. What do you do? DEA. Keep that between us. (giggles) So are you working on something secret? Kensi: You know what that is? That's A-plus undercover work. I'll give 'em that. That was smooth. Don't be jealous of those coats, Artie, just because they're new and probably don't smell like a dead buffalo. You've got character, all right? You're pretty. I like you. You are talking to your clothing. You know what? I stand corrected. You do belong down here. Sam: You know what, you're right. I do need a break. Or a drink. You free? I might have some free time. Who's buying? Uncle Sam, naturally. (giggles) I haven't done anything wrong. I kept my clothes on and no money changed hands. We're not concerned with your escort work, Bonnie. It's your tradecraft that interests us. My what? The past few months, you've targeted DEA agents, State Department officials, even a judge's clerk. You want to tell us why? Men in high-stress jobs, little free time... they make the best clients. I work where the need is greatest. And there's a lot of need there. In here, too. You two look like you haven't had any in awhile. I think you're confusing horny with hungry. We skipped lunch today. Tried to eat, couldn't keep anything down. Yeah. Not after looking at these. This is what's left of the women that work with the Peña Cartel. Not much, is there? Sam: Look. You can be tough, Bonnie. But tough only gets you so far. It was a normal job. I got a call about a man. A regular. But when I got there, it wasn't him. There were four of them. And they made it very clear that I couldn't say no. What were your instructions? They told me who to target. Make conversation, steal documents. Tablets, cell phones... anything to do with the Peña Cartel. Did they say what they were going to use the information for? Sam: Bonnie... Do you know her? Only by her first name. What is it? Monica. She used to work the park, like me, but later she just focused on one guy. Eric: Kevin Turner. He's the federal prosecutor leading the case against Domingo Peña. If the cartel gets to him, we can kiss extradition good-bye. Now, his office says he left the courthouse after lunch, claiming he had a family emergency. Only problem is: Turner doesn't have any family. No children, his mom died last year and his dad was never in the picture. His car is currently parked outside his home in Hollywood. (sighs) Hey, uh... Kevin, it's Hank from next door. I got some of your bills accidentally. Hey, Kev! These, uh, these bills look important. Like overdue bills, like, "they're gonna shut off your water" kind of bills. Ooh. Ouch. Uh, you okay? Uh, fine. You have some of my mail? Yeah. This got put into my mailbox by mistake. Thanks. Um... it's just the two? Just the two. Kensi (over earwig): Callen and Sam, I got a guy in the dining room. Got it. Callen: I got the second, Sam. On my mark. Deeks: So, listen, Jeanie was thinking about having a potluck... Callen: Now. Federal agents! (grunts) Clear! Deeks: Go ahead, take a seat. You all right? Yeah, I'm okay. I'm good. How did you know? If the cartel wants to stop Peña's extradition, they gotta stop you first. But it's already happening. What are you talking about? We finalized the extradition days ago. Peña's on his way to L.A. as we speak. We've been looking at this the wrong way. They're gonna try to free Peña. Turner: Before I became a prosecutor, I worked as a lawyer for the DEA. I would go on raids with them, make sure they followed the rule of law. Saw a lot of action. Never thought I'd get caught up in it like this. What did they want? Peña's transport route. The DEA is taking him straight from the airport to the courthouse for initial arraignment. Arraignments have to be conducted within 48 hours of arrests, yeah. And we didn't want any delays. It was all kept hush-hush to prevent leaks. Too late for that. So what did you tell them? Nothing. I don't know the transport route. I don't even know which airport he's flying into. You know her? Monica Lee. Sam: You know where she lives? Callen: Eric, try Monica Lee. No, I... We only went on a couple of dates. It was just... harmless fun. Least I thought it was. Eric's got an address for Monica Lee. Kensi and Deeks are on their way. (door opens) Man: Damn it, Turner. Peña lands in 15 minutes, and you almost blow the whole thing 'cause you can't keep it in your pants. Granger: This is DEA Agent Mario Sanchez. Thank you for all you've done. We gotta get moving. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where you going? I've got to see this through. I'm not gonna let them stop me through intimidation. You're still in danger. Sanchez: I can assure you he'll be safe. We changed the transport route and increased security around the courthouse. Nothing's gonna happen on my watch. Well, that's funny. Because this looks a lot like you cozying up to a cartel prostitute. Well, she didn't get any Intel from me. Now if you don't mind, this is a DEA matter. What's your rush? 48 hours isn't up. Granger: Tell you what. You take Turner to the courthouse. Sanchez and I are gonna have a little talk, if that's all right with you. Nell: Yeah, Kens? Nell, we're at Monica Lee's place and so are the police. She's missing. Neighbor called it in when she noticed the door was open. There are signs of a struggle. Okay. I'll scan traffic cams. Can we narrow down the time frame at all? Around 11:00 last night. All right, so the good news is that, uh, LAPD's gonna let us on the scene. The bad news is that Monica's got a seven-year-old daughter. She's missing, too. Geez. Nell... Yeah, I heard, Kens. I'm searching as fast as I can. (phone chimes) Check out this text my daughter just sent me. "Hanna FTW". "Hanna for the win." And that is a, uh, protractor emoji. That means she aced her math test. I know what it says, but why doesn't she just say that? She is, it's just a different language. It's not a different language. It's laziness. Speak for yourself. I'll take Tween over Tagalog any day. Eric, you find Monica? Uh, still missing, but I might have something on Turner. Now, it could be nothing, but I kept digging into his background, and I realized he's got a lot in common with Goodsell's Grey Man pattern. I mean, both guys ate at the same sushi place. So I did a little more digging. Turner's mother was living in Oceanside 33 years ago, at the same time that Goodsell was stationed right nearby at Pendleton. Now, she died last year. But when I pulled her will from the public record, guess who was named in it. Goodsell. She left him an envelope. And I don't know what was in it, but my guess is... Tell him about their son, Kevin Turner. Eric: A week after Turner's mother died, Goodsell went AWOL from the CIA. Hetty: He was watching over his son the entire time. So, Goodsell's training enabled him to pick up on the espionage. But once he saw his son with one of the women from the cartel, he got involved. Broke his cover, paid with his life. Turner probably saw his father every day. He just didn't know it. Nell: Guys? I have something you have to see. Kensi and Deeks just found this at Monica Lee's house. Turner said he'd never been to Monica's place. That looks like more than "harmless fun" to me. Why would a federal prosecutor lie to us? The cartel uses Monica to seduce Turner. Once she has him hooked, they take her away. Then they used her to get him to finish the job. But there's no way that Turner could free Peña all on his own. But that's not the plan. I just finished talking to Agent Sanchez. He's clean, but the DEA made a deal with Peña. In exchange for what? Peña's gonna give them the names of every Mexican official complicit in the drug trade. It's the best shot they've ever had at ending this war. Sam: So, the cartel doesn't want their boss freed. They want him dead. And Turner's the assassin. Where are we? Callen and Sam are almost at the courthouse. Agent Sanchez is already there. Does he have Turner? Can't find him, but Peña's under heavy guard. Nell: Guys? I think I found Monica. Okay, I spotted this van near Monica's place last night around the time of her abduction. Now, it's the same van in Goodsell's photos. And Kaleidoscope just picked it up an hour ago parked here. It's a shut-down restaurant in North Hollywood. Peña cartel's had a foothold there for years. Nell: Exactly. Kensi and Deeks are in the area. I'll send them now. Torres, I need eyes on Turner. Torres?! The agent assigned to Turner has been found unconscious. His weapon's gone. Turner know how to use it? I've been on raids with him, he's trained. (alarm sounds) (alarm sounds) Fire alarm. It's not a drill. Agents are reporting smoke on the second floor. That's Turner. What's the protocol in case of fire? They're gonna take Peña out the same way they brought him in-- through the underground parking garage. This way. (tires squeal) Callen: Federal agents! Sam: Federal agents. It's Peña. It's about damn time. Where the hell were you? Back up! Put 'em down! Lower your weapons. It's not gonna happen, Turner. I have to do this! If Peña's not dead in the next five minutes, they'll kill Monica and Amy. PeÑa: Gustavo... that traitor. He put a hit on his own compadre. Kevin... Don't give him the satisfaction! We know where they're holding Monica and Amy, agents are on their way now. There's not enough time. Yes, there is. We saved you, we can save them. Put the gun down. Kensi: See anything? I got at least two guys. They both have assault rifles. I don't see Monica or her daughter. But there is a walk-in cooler. That's where I'd keep the hostages. So, we're outgunned, we got no backup. And if Turner doesn't hear Monica in the next four minutes, that means that Peña's dead. What's the plan here? Why do I always have to come up with a plan? What's your plan? My plan is to live long and prosper. You know what I mean? To make little baby Deeks, little ninja assassins with fantastic hair. Not likely in this job. (chuckles) Deeks, the only reason I didn't tell you about being homeless... Really? Is this the best time to have this conversation? It was the worst period of my life. Made a lot of mistakes. And I only ever want you to see the best part of me. Okay? Okay. Just to narrow it down for me, though, the best part of you, is that your ankles? 'Cause you've got pretty sexy ankles. I mean, your feet, they're all right. Your toes are a little weird, but the rest... This is exactly why I never talk to you. What? I think I got a plan. No one's gonna care if a cartel boss dies. Callen: You're right, Kevin. You're right. But you know whose death I care about right now? Harrison Goodsell. Sam: Kevin? Goodsell is how we got onto the case. He saw the cartel abduct Monica. He tried to warn you, but they killed him. What are you talk...? I've never even seen this guy. I know, but he's seen you. It was your father, Kevin. He died trying to protect you. Whoever he was, he should have tried harder. Time's up, I'm sorry. Shoot him! Turner: I have to! Shoot him! Kevin, stop it! I'm not gonna let you do this. I'm not gonna let you throw your life away. So, you know what I'm gonna do? I'll do it. You just killed Monica and Amy. (whistling casually) Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. I wouldn't do that if I were you. Unless, of course, fried cartel is on the menu. I'm just kidding. "Fried cartel." You look really confused and idiotic, so let me walk you through this. Last few minutes, this whole room has been filling up with gas. (sniffs) Go ahead, take a whiff, you smell that? (sniffing) Huh? You know what that is? (sniffs) That's gasolina. So, uh... ...so, firing your weapons is not the chef's recommendation. What I would suggest, in contrast to that, is you put the weapons down. Let's turn ourselves in, go talk about our feelings, maybe grab a beer, figure out why our dads didn't love us enough. All these things can be discussed. If you put those down, nice and easy. See? That was good, right? Yeah, now we're talking. We'll just go home, everybody's gonna be fine with the... Okay, really? With the meat cleaver? Two on one, you get a... cleaver. And now we're gonna fight with a... plan B! (yelps) Plan B! Kensi: Deeks! Plan B! (explosion) (grunts) You okay? Yeah. Deeks! (man yells) Cooler. Hey, guys. How you doing? No, we're federal agents. You're safe now. Let's get you guys out of here, come on. Callen: Yeah. Kensi: We got Monica. Kensi, put her on. Sure. Monica. Monica: Kevin. You're okay. And Amy? Thank God. I know, babe. I-I know everything. It's gonna be okay. Monica: I love you. I love... (phone beeps) You're, uh, getting another call. Hello? Girl: Hey, Uncle Callen. How's it going? Hello? Why is your daughter calling my phone? You seem to understand her so well, I figured Uncle Callen should be one of her contacts. You know, in case of emergency. You gonna ignore my daughter? What if she's in trouble? Banana Hanna, everything all right? Oh, yeah? I hear you aced your geometry quiz today. That's a good job. Is your dad gonna be home in time to make lasagna? Don't you worry about your dad. He will always be there for you. The paperwork can wait, Mr. Callen. Go home. Take Joelle out to dinner. Uh, she's busy. She's got her parents in town. Huh. I see. You met them, yet? Why didn't Goodsell ever reveal himself? Not to his own son. Why didn't he say anything? Perhaps he was simply respecting the mother's wishes. Or perhaps he wanted to, but just didn't know how. That's the thing about The Grey Man. He never reveals his secrets.

An AWOL Marine/CIA agent is found dead, and the team goes to investigate his death, leading them to a high-profile drug lord about to be extradited to the U.S. and a major secret the deceased was holding about one of the lead attorneys on the case.

fd_The_Comeback_02x02

fd_The_Comeback_02x02_0

Is this on? (Beeps) Well, it's been a month since my last Val vlog. (Beeps) Was this going the whole time? (Beeps) Well, it's been a month since my last Val vlog, and I have some really big news. But first, I just want to give a shout-out to my subscriber who said, "I love it when you do impressions." (Laughs) Well... (Mimics Edith bunker) I have very big news that I'm very excited to tell you about. (Giggles) That's my Edith Bunker. Played by the wonderful... (Beeps) Jean Stapleton! Okay. (Beeps) I should get to my news. Uh... I've been cast in an HBO show. Mark: Why are you telling people you're... Ugh, God. Mark, I thought you left. Why are you sneaking up? Well, I'm not sneaking up. I came to get something. And why are you telling people that you're doing that show? We talked about that. Well, okay, to be fair... Okay, you said, "no effing way" and left the room. I was trying to have a safe discussion and you left the listening circle. Oh, is that what I did? Yeah. Okay. I'm listening. Tell me again why you'd ever want to do that show. It's HBO, Mark. I'll be an actress on an HBO show. Do another HBO show. Okay, I'll just put my name on the sign-up sheet for that. Okay, now it sounds like you're not listening. Okay. All right. Listen, I hear that, okay? I hear that. So you go. Okay. I'm expressing concern that... You're doing something that's a not-so-flattering version of yourself, written by a drug-addicted... Okay. Asshole, who's just gonna... Yeah. Okay. Right. I'll go. First of all, I'm not playing me. HBO was very clear about that. Okay, and B: Paulie's different now, okay? He's been through rehab. Val... Twice. Two rehabs. People don't change. Ooh. Okay. You just got me. What was that? It's oatmeal. It's really in there. Steel-cut? That's okay. And he cast me, okay? Paulie cast me in it. So he has changed, Mark. All right? Mark, please, it's HBO, okay? They do all those award-wining shows, right? Like "Mad Men." Is that HBO? Well, they're always smoking on it. I just thought... Oh, no, you're right. You're right. That's A&E. Yeah. So... Well, they have "Game of Thrones." You like that one, right? You always fall asleep to that one. Yeah, that's good. Right. Well, here we are at HBO. (Chuckles) New member of the family. (Gasps) Okay, look at this. Oh, "s*x and the City." Started it all. Guess I'm one of the girls now, huh? Oh, all right. Here we go. "The Sopranos." Started it all... In a different way, you know. Don't know that one, actually. No. I don't know it. Oh, and then... "New Girls," huh? Now, this one, she's real special. That, um, Lela Durham. I think it's Lena Dunham. Well, I don't... There, that... no, I'm right. Lena, yeah. Really excited to see this one. Can't wait for that. Man: Valerie? Huh? Oh. Hi. We're ready for you. Okay. Take my purse. Mickey: Mm-hmm. Thanks. Okay, here we are. Okay. Yeah, probably a six... I gotta go. Hi. Hello, hello, hello. Pretty office. So pretty. Smells pretty too. (All laugh) Oh, thanks. Oh, yeah, they're with me. Oh. Right. Yeah. Valerie, it's great to see you. Uh-huh, you too. Okay, great. Thanks, so... Valerie, this is Rada. Hi. Current programing. Hi. Okay. Yeah. Such a pretty name. Rada: Thank you. Woman: You know Connor and James? Sure do. Yeah. Val: Wow, gang's all here, huh? Right, 'cause you said you wanted to see us all. Uh, is there a problem? No. Oh, no. Everything's fine. Great. Yeah. No, I just... I had a couple questions. No, first, just about the film crew... you need to move over a little bit. Val: So... Yeah, we should talk about that. What's this for? Well, this is... oh, this is just, you know, BTS footage. You know, it's BTS: Behind the scenes. And I just thought, you know, if you want it, you could have BTS for SR. Sr: "Seeing Red." (Clattering) Oh, watch the blinds, Ivan. (Under her breath) Do better. (Laughing) Maybe we could use it for web content, social media... Val: Oh. Yeah, 'cause these kids have been following me around everywhere. Val: And the great thing is, they're cheap. You know? So it won't cost you much. And I just think it's real important to support young people getting a leg up in the business. Yeah, we'd have to use a union crew. Yeah, then they're gone. (Laughs) Val: They're going back to school. Oh. You know, so everybody wins. Okay! Val: Great. Okay. Um, can I ask you something about the schedule? Connor: Hold that thought. Holding. (Laughing) When you had your show, "The Comeback," which I loved, you had a really great producer. Who was that? Oh, from "The Comeback"? Jane. Connor: Jane who? Um, Jane... Uh, Jane Jane. Woman: Jane Benson. That sounds right. Yeah. No, I've worked with her. Oh, okay. Well, then let's get her. Or I'll get her, 'cause I know her. Jane Benson, yeah. Yeah. Great. Okay. Okay. Good. James: Wait, you wanted to say something about the schedule also? Yes, I did. Thank you. (Clattering) Val: Just... sorry. (Laughs) Ivan. (Chuckling) Need a union crew. (All laughing) Val: But they're great. They've been learning. Um... I did want to talk to you about... yeah, it's all just happening so fast. You know, want to get my ducks in a row. You know, so I was wondering when do we start? What, like, six weeks? No, we're starting next week. Oh, we moved it up. We wanted to get these on air for spring. Okay. That's fast. I just wanted time to... You know... Prepare. Prepare what? Prepare... Well, prepare. (Emphatically) Prepare. Oh, no. You don't need anything. Well... okay. Oh, no, no, no. You don't need to do anything. You are perfect. Thank you. You're perfect too. (All chuckling) We need to see what we saw in the audition. You're one of the few actresses who still looks real. Uh-huh. James: That's why we hired you. Oh. Okay. Right. Doctor, I only got a week to heal, so what can we do? Oh. Valerie. Yeah. Yeah. Wasn't talking to anybody. Um, forgot. We would like to invite you to see the Golden Globes next week. Oh, okay. You're part of the HBO family now. Aw. We'll see you then. We throw an amazing after-party. Yeah. Yeah. I am so excited about this. I loved "The Comeback" and "I'm It." Oh, thank you! Yeah, I saw it at the museum of broadcasting. Val: Uh-huh. Okay. That means it's a classic. That's nice. That's in Beverly Hills. Right. Yeah. Across from the... Nate 'n Al's. Yeah. Mickey, please tell me you're still in touch with Jane. Val: Okay, there's nothing. All green, and I know we're not at a golf course. This trip to "Jane-ville" is a long way to go. That email looked like a definite no to me, Red. Well, no such thing as a definite no, okay? What's the name of that road again? Oh... It's, uh... 4325 Yasidro Sage road. And I know this is her current address because I didn't get my Christmas newsletter back. Okay, we're nowhere. Oh, so many people are dead. Didn't that sign back there say that? All right, I need to pay attention. Didn't realize I'm gonna have to leave bread crumbs. (Chuckles) Oh. Mickey: I think you made a wrong turn, hon. (Dog barking) Mickey: Oh, there it is. Val: I don't want to hit the dogs. Aw, look at this. (Barking continues) (Goat bleating) Val: Wow. Look at where we are. Jeez, the sun. Where's my sombrero? Oh, you wanna get it? Yeah. I'm gonna need it. My face will look like little orphan Annie. Val: Uh-huh. Oh, look! Horses! Val: Yeah, I saw them. Yeah. Mickey: What's wrong with that one's leg? It's bandaged. Oh, yeah. Supposed to shoot them, right? "They shoot horses, don't they?" That movie... Ivan: No. You should Netflix it. Yeah. Okay. (Horse whinnies) Oh! (Val laughs) Jane, Jane. Sound familiar? (Val laughs) Oh my God. Jane: Valerie! I thought, "who is this?" And then I saw the cameras and I knew it was you. You never give up. Well, you do. You're really off the grid here, huh? Well, I'm not really off the grid. If I was, I wouldn't have gotten your email about the Paulie G. thing. Oh, yeah. Okay. (Chuckles) Val: All right, okay. Yeah. Come in. Thank you. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. (Dog growls) (Loud clattering) Oh, look out. Watch it. Bust up the joint. Don't worry about that. Here, let me fix that for you, Jane. Oops. Yeah, it's... okay. Okay. Go ahead. Jane: Hey, Mickey. Mickey: Hey, sweetie. (Jane sighs) Val: Oh, wow. Val: This is nice. Mickey: Oh my goodness. You own this? Yeah. Val: Aww. Wow, good for you. ♪ Looks like we made it. ♪ (Laughs) Neil Diamond. So good. I think it's Barry Manilow. Huh? I get it... I get it, Jane. I get it. Get why you live all the way out here, away from everything. You know, good for you. Yeah. So, Valerie... Um, thank you for thinking of me, but I'm not interested. So... Jane: Would you guys like some tea? Sure. Yeah, while we talk? Yeah, let's talk about it. All right. I make a mean tea. Whoa, careful there. Jane: All right. Oh. Okay. Yeah. Watch it. You gotta be careful, Ivan. Sorry. (Chuckling) Val: See why I need you? Val: So, um, Jane, I know you said you weren't interested in doing a reality show again. Um, thank you. But you know what, this is HBO, and they asked for you, okay? They know who you are. Yeah, I met with someone there when I was trying to get distribution for my documentary. Well, okay. Now maybe they'll revisit distri-buting it. Okay? Get people to see it. Who knows what can happen? Yeah. Actually, yeah, some people did see it and then that happened. Val: Is that an Oscar? Is it real? Can I pick it up? (Jane chuckles) Yeah. (Val gasps) Yeah? Oh my. Ooh. Oh. Okay. Wow. "Best documentary short: The Hidden Women of Treblinka." What is that? Uh, it's about lesbians in the holocaust. Oh. Important. Yeah. 'Cause it got you this. Wow, so, "Jane Benson and Joanne Meyer"? Yeah, Joan. That's my ex. Oh! Oh. I didn't know you were... what, that I was Jewish or a lesbian? Well, both, you know. Double whammy. Well, nice to meet you, Jane Benson: Jewish lesbian with an Oscar. Good for you. Good for you. (Sighs) Wow. Doesn't mean anything. "Doesn't mean anything"? (Laughs) It's an Oscar! Ooh, and I made banana bread. Oh. I don't eat that, but... I'll have some. Tyler, make sure that you get me with the Oscar. You know what, Mickey? Here. Will you take a picture of me with the Oscar? Just wanna make sure. I want it on my phone. Yeah. Take another one for safety. And another one. Another one. Just one more. (Mickey laughs) Jane, taking pictures with your Oscar. I know, I'm right in the room. Oh. (Laughs) Couldn't see you, I was blinded by the gold. (Laughs) Oh, wow. Look at that. Makes a good doorstop... Val: Doorstop. (Laughs) 'cause it doesn't matter. "It doesn't matter"? Jane: I still had trouble raising money for my next one. Oh. I have an unfinished movie about the Taiwanese boat women in my barn. Nobody even wants to know about it. Well, maybe HBO wants to know about it. Right? Oh, no can do. I'm a lightweight. Mickey? Oh, hello! Mm, that's right. Well... Oooh. Yeah, oh, no. Uh-uh. Sorry. Nope, not 21. You just work the camera, okay? I'm 25. Well, okay, I don't want the other kids to feel bad. All right. Yeah. Go ahead. Is this butter? It's goat butter. Is that a thing? Yeah. The horses like the goats. You need to... okay. Come up. Aww. Jane: That way. There you go. Yeah. They're rescue horses. They're, like, traumatized when they come in, and the goats are, like, entry-level. So the horses get comfortable with the goats, and then they get comfortable with people, and so that's goat butter. Do you have anything in a pump or a spray? Mickey... trying to talk business with Jane. (Giggles) So, Jane, seriously, how 'bout it? (Sighs) Nothing? You're not gonna say anything? You were so uptight around Paulie. Uptight? I-I was... I wasn't uptight. Oh, were you just trying to get me to smoke that? Oh, fine. I will. I'll do it. I'll do it. You know why? Because I'm not uptight. See? (Coughs) I'm not uptight at all, I'm... you know what? Paulie's changed. This is good stuff. (Laughs) It is. It is. You know, I don't know, Jane. (Teakettle whistling) Did you know... That he was, um... (Inhales) Doing heroin? When we were shooting "room and bored." Yeah. I saw him shoot up once. You did? You didn't say anything. It wasn't about him. That's right. Yeah. Oh, sorry. I'm hogging the bogart. Mm, I forgot how good butter tastes. I feel bad enough about what I did to you on camera the first time. Val: Well, I'm fine. I'm fine. You were just doing your job, you know. And you're good at your job, Jane, that's why everybody wants you. I'm sorry. I just don't see the point of it all. Val: Oh. Okay. Well, all right. You don't see the point in anything. But, you know, um... How about people? Do people count? You know? I need you. I mean, I'm not a lesbian, and I'm not a Taiwanese boat person, but I need you. I need to feed the horses. Okay. That's... all right. I get it. So... I give up. We'll go. Jane: Oops. Wait a sec, I got it. All right. Val: Oop. Mickey: Hup hup. I'm sorry that I couldn't help you. Oh, well, that's... thanks for talking to me. Are those the... is that the... those are the rescue horses? They're just so beautiful, you know. Just think of how many more you could rescue with the money that you'd make doing the show. (Dog barks) Did you answer and I missed it? No. Okay. Well, all right. I give up. That's okay. (Giggles) Okay. Oh, is that the barn? Is that where you have the... Taiwanese boat ladies that you can't finish because you don't have the money? Is that where that is? All right, you're making me feel bad. Well, look... I mean, I'm sorry, but I just... all I hear you say is that, you know, "I don't have money to do the things that I really want to do," and I'm here offering you money to do those things and a do-over with me. Right? So... (Goat bleats) [SCENE_BREAK] Mr. Mark. Hello, Jane. Valerie?- Val: Mm-hmm? You have company. Val: Oh? Okay. Yeah. Mark: W-why are they here? I thought this was going to be different than "The Comeback." It's completely different, Mark. This is about an actress on a TV show. They're just here to pick me up. Hi. Come on in. Hi, Jane. Where is she? Val: Oh, hi. Hi, hon. Hi, Tyler. Say hi to your Uncle. See? Kept him on the crew, and not just for me, it's a big deal for him too. Hey, Tyler. Learning a lot? Val: Well, of course he is. You know, Jane has an Oscar. Good. I don't want to be on this. Okay. Message received. Okay? (Laughs) He's so cute. Silly Mark. You're so cute. You're so cute. (Chuckles) Hi. What's that? Oh, hi. Jane: Yeah, that's Nail. Val: Nail? Yeah. Hi. Jane: And hawk and chip. Val: I got it. Jane: Over there. Val: Hawk. Chip. Jane: Yeah, I got it. I got it. Val: Thank you. Yeah. Sorry. That's nice of you, but... (Jane laughs) ... Jane should do my mic. Val: Oh! Okay. I almost forgot the big news. Um... You know how you and I have been talking about how we wanna try having date night more? Okay. Well, you and I are going to the Golden Globes. What? Uh-huh. That's cool. (Laughs) That's a smile. Just me and you? Just me and you, and Mickey, and Billy, and... You know. Yeah. Just get your tux ready. Yeah. (Laughs) I actually gasped. (Laughing) That's real. Jane, we're not gonna see that, are we? Jane: What? Me gasping. Well, she's not gonna use anything she doesn't need. Well, what does that mean? It means I'm late for the stylist, okay? They just came to pick me up, but then you started a conversation. I didn't start a conversation. So, let's go everyone. (Cellphone ringing) Oh, forgot my phone. Well, that could have been bad. Who's Dr. Jadra? Oh, um, that's not important. I can just call him back. (Ringing continues) I can call him back. Isn't he the guy... Yeah. You know, I'm just gonna... Get a little Botox. You know, everyone in Beverly Hills gets a little Botox. Mark: All right. All right. Did you forget what happened the last time? With the fillers and the Botox and the... well, yeah. I was... I wanted to get surgery, 'cause it's safer, you know, but I only have a week... All right. You want to see what happens? So I'm just gonna do this. What are you doing? Oh, no! Okay. No, no, no. No, that's not... oh, no! Jane, this... no, this is what happens with fillers. Okay. No. That's all right. I got it. Come on. Thank you. That's not necessary, Mark. Either you want to be on camera or you don't want to be on camera. You guys ready? He's filming his reality show, so that's happening. I know that show. Okay. Oh, no. This one only airs in China. China, smart. Yeah. Okay, everybody. Here we go. Val: Okay. Val: There he is. (Val laughs) Brad Goreski. Hello, Valerie Cherish. Hi. How are you? Goo... oops. All righty. Can't operate cars either. Mickey, don't. (Whispers) Yeah, yeah. I got it. I got it. I got it. Um, should we try it again? Sure, yeah. Okay. In five, six, seven, eight... (Laughing) (Val laughing) Right? Brad Goreski! Hello, Valerie Cherish! (Speaking Chinese) Who is this? Oh, this is Valerie Cherish. Nice to meet you. I'm Brad's assistant. Oh. Val: Yeah. Okay. (Laughs) I didn't... I didn't know. Let's take a look at the rack. That one, not this one. (Chuckles) Cute. Comedy doesn't translate. I think this would look really pretty with your hair. Uh-huh. You have to try this. Uh-huh. That's... it's a lot of feathers. Um, it's just not me, I don't think. Yeah, but you know what I love about this one is that it's so modern, and I'd love to see you in something modern for a change. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Great. Try that. Thank you. Okay. All right. (Softly) Even though I'd never wear it in a million years. It's a goodie. (Woman laughing) Val: No. Val: Oh, no. Val: No. Let's see it, Val. Val: Oh. Um... No, I don't... it's not right. You know, it's... no. No. Not me. Well, come on out. Val: Um, I'm good in here. You know. Val: I don't think... oh. Oh, I like it. Well, I... no. Yeah, I think it's worth seeing. It... you know what? Let's just move along, okay? 'Cause it's just... it's not me. Yeah, I know. You don't have to wear it to the Golden Globes, Val. We just need to see you in a couple of looks for this. You know the drill, you had a reality show. Yeah. Yeah. Just for fun. Yeah. Yeah. We're gonna have fun. Okay. Sure. Exactly. Yeah. Okay. Here I come. Great. Okay. Well... This one's fun, huh? Look at that. (Laughs) Isn't that something? Brad: I love the idea. But it's not you. Well, yeah. That's what I said in there. You know, but... Look like I fell asleep in a bird sanctuary. Huh? Who's my prom date? Big bird? (Laughs) Okay. Try another one. Which... what's next, Brad? Actually, I have one that I'd love for you to see. It's a-mazing. Val: Is it normal? Val: That's pretty. Yeah, that will be fun. (Gasps) Somebody say, "Golden Globes"? (Doorbell rings) Housekeeper: Oh! Look at Mr. Mike! Hats off. Here we come. Those beautiful girls! (Val laughs) Uh, limo's here. Well, here we are, four on the town. Got the tickets, Mark? Yes, I do. Okay. Let's go. Jane: How are we getting in? Huh? Jane: How are you going to get us in? Oh, well, they don't need tickets, right? They're press. Everybody needs a ticket. Housekeeper: Uh-oh. (Chattering, cameras flashing) Mark: Wow. You know, Billy was pretty upset. Well, Billy's a publicist, and he should understand. What about Mickey, just rolling with it, huh? You were so cute though, telling him. I'll go this time, Mickey. You go next. Oh, I don't know. I felt bad. No, don't. Don't. You're my man, okay? You're my husband, my everything, and you got to come. Gotta have you, and Jane and the crew. May I see your tickets, please? Val: Oh. Uh, yes. Omar, could you take them to suite 806. Have a nice evening. What's 806? What is that? A viewing party. I'm sorry, the awards are in there. Where are we going? To a viewing party in one of the suites. Right that way, ma'am. Well, we're guests of HBO. The HBO party is downstairs after. Oh, no. See, Val, it says, "viewing suite" right there. No, but I... what? Okay. I didn't see that, Mark. I didn't know. Well, I mean, we can still see it, right? Yeah. Yeah, in the viewing suite. Let's see who else is in there. It could be fun. Okay, thank you. Okay. This is it. Okay. Yeah? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm ready. All right. Ta-da. Okay. (Indistinct chatter) Wow. Pretty. (Women speaking Russian) Well... Who are these people? (Speaking Russian) Val: I don't know. Val: Guests of HBO, I guess. Are they speaking Russian? Is that what that is? Yeah, probably. They look like Russian whores. And how would you know that? Huh? (Laughs) I think they are. Well, I need a drink. I'm gonna get you a drink, okay? I just saw Paulie G. so I should probably say hi. Mark: Okay. Val: Right? Well, I don't have to say hi to him, do I? Well, why don't I get you a drink, and then you can say hi. Okay. All right. That'll help. Mark: Oh, and some cheese or something. Sure. Yeah. Thanks. Hello. (Speaks Russian) Don't understand. Man: Hi, what can I get you? Um... what should I have? Oh, you know what? Two of those. Thank you. Yeah. Coming right up. (Chattering, laughing) Hello, hello, hello. Hello, Valerie and her cameras. (Laughs) Yeah. Bartender: Ma'am. Oh, thank you. Bartender: Sure, enjoy. Thank you very much. So... Aye. What's Jane doing here? Val: Um... you didn't know? Paulie G: No. What is this, "The Comeback" comeback? Oh. You're not doing that to me again, are you? No. Absolutely not. No. HBO called. They wanted her. Right? Yeah. Yeah, but... You know what? Don't worry. We're in good hands, because... It's not that same cheesy TV stuff that you hate, you know. I don't know if you know, but Jane, um, she does documentary films, and she has an Oscar. Wow. Yeah, I know. For a holocaust movie... or lesbians... lesbian holocaust movie, yeah. Sounds hot. Sorry I missed it. Yeah. (Chuckles) Paulie, just wanted to say it's a beautifully written show. Oh. You know? It really is, and I'm gonna do my best. Yeah, well, I hope you can do better than that. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I just got you this... he's coming over. Yo, Val. Hi. Hi. That wasn't you. Huh? That... wasn't your fault. I'm sorry. It's all right. That's okay. That's okay. You know Mark, right? Hello, Mark. Val: Paulie. Paulie G. You all right? Yeah. Yeah. (Sighs) I thought I was gonna be at the Golden Globes tonight. I'm a little tense. Sorry. Yeah. No, so did we. Yeah, I mean, they could have said, "you're going to a suite," you know? They could have made a f*cking decision, you know? I'm feeling a little set up, I guess. Okay. Yeah. Well, you know what? Next year. We'll be inside. You'll be inside. All right? Next year. Right. We were gonna go to the HBO after-party. You wanna come? No, I'm gonna go to a meeting. What? I'm gonna go to a meeting. Okay. All right. Wish we could go too. Don't you wish you were an alcoholic so we could go? (Scoffs) Bad joke. Val: Okay. Yeah. See you next week on set. Bright and early. All right. That's good. Val: He walked right by the bar. Mark: All right. That's probably a good sign. Wait till he's gone before I... [SCENE_BREAK] (Sighs) Should we go? Well, I don't wanna ride in the elevator with Paulie G. So... No, thank you. Let's just wait. Yeah. ♪ Walking on, walking on, broken glass ♪ You know, it was nice of him to come over. Mm-hmm. Yes. Okay, that... see, Jane, he has changed. He wouldn't have done that before. Val, he's still a freak. Well, you know, he's an artist. So... you're just lucky, 'cause you're married to a sane artist. You're an artist? You're an actress. Actresses are artists. (Giggles) He doesn't know. ♪ So take me from the wreckage ♪ Hello. ♪ Save me from the blast ♪ We should probably go. I think it's okay now. Right? Yeah. Okay. Probably safe. ♪ Don't let me keep on walking ♪ Coast is clear. ♪ I can't keep on walking ♪ Mark: Let's go. Val: Bye-bye. Val: We're leaving.

HBO suggests Valerie repurpose her pilot as behind the scenes web content for Seeing Red . Because such a venture requires a union film crew, Valerie reconnects with Jane, who begrudgingly agrees to produce it. Afterward, Valerie attends an HBO-hosted Golden Globe Awards watch party, where she, Mark, and Jane have an awkward confrontation with Paulie G.

fd_Merlin_01x03

fd_Merlin_01x03_0

"In a land of myth and a time of magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young boy. His name...Merlin." CAVE - DAY Nimueh (spell): Berbay odothay arisan yeldo ("Command thee arise ancient"). Nimueh places a magic egg into water. It travels through underground waterways to a manmade cavern. She watches Camelot from her water basin. Nimueh (spell): Bebiede þe arisan ealdu ("I command you, ancient one, to come forth"). LOWER TOWN - DAY Gaius and Merlin look over a corpse in the street. Merlin: Aren't you scared? Gaius: Of what? Merlin: That you might catch whatever it is. Gaius: I'm the court physician, Merlin. This is part of my job. Most of the time there's nothing really to be scared of. Gaius turns over corps to reveal white skinned, white eyed face. Merlin: You were saying? Gaius: People mustn't see this. They'll panic. GWEN'S HOUSE - DAY Gwen and her father get ready at home. Gwen: Dad, here's your sandwich. Tom: Ooh. Mmm, what's in it? Gwen: It's smoked pigeon. But I'd say there's more smoke than pigeon. Tom (laughs): You're such a good girl to me. Gwen: And I've done you some watercress soup tonight. Tom: Don't tell me, with more water in it than cress? Gwen laughs and they hug. Gwen: I'll see you later. Tom: 'Kay. Bye. KING'S PALACE, DRAWBRIDGE - DAY Merlin and Gaius wheel the body over the castle drawbridge. Gwen approaches carrying the flowers she had at home. Gwen: What are you doing? Merlin: Er...just moving something. Gwen: Looks heavy. Merlin: Er, it's nothing really. Er...someone got you flowers? Gwen: Oh! No (giggle) Would you like one? A purple one. Purple suits you. Not that I'm saying red doesn't suit you. Merlin: Thanks. Well, er... Merlin sticks the flower in his scarf. Gwen: Aww. Merlin: Er...see you. Gwen: Bye. KING'S PALACE, MORGANA'S CHAMBERS - DAY Gwen enters with flowers. Morgana: You look happy. Gwen: I picked these for you. Morgana: Oh, that's so sweet. Gwen: Something to cheer you up. I know you're not sleeping well. Morgana: You cheer me up. Gwen: Would you like me to put them in water for you? KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - DAY Merlin and Gaius looking at body with magnifying glass. Gaius: I've never seen anything like this before. Merlin: Do you think it could be some kind of plague? Gaius: No. I fear that something like this could never come from nature. But who has this kind of power? Merlin: You think it's caused by magic? Arthur: Merlin! Merlin opens door before Arthur can come in and see the body. Merlin: Erm...I'm on my way. Sorry I'm late. Arthur: Don't worry. I'm getting used to it. Arthur furrows his eyebrows when he sees the flower in Merlin's scarf. Merlin looks down at it. Merlin: Oh, er...Gwen, she gave it to me. Arthur: Tell Gaius my father wants to see him now. Merlin: Okay. Merlin closes the door. Merlin: Gaius... Gaius: I heard. Merlin: Wait, why couldn't he just tell you himself? Gaius: 'Cause that's the way it is. You're a servant. Merlin: Wha...if he knew who I was, what I've done... Gaius: You'd be a dead servant. Right, get this covered up. Merlin: Hey, I'm not your servant. Gaius: No, you're my dogsbody. Come on, hurry up. KING'S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER - DAY Gaius examines a magically dead servant on the floor. Uther: What's happened to him? Gaius: I don't know, Sire. It's the second case I've seen today. Uther: Why didn't you report it to me? Gaius: I was attempting to find the cause. Uther: What did you conclude? Gaius: I don't think it's time to hurry to conclusions. A scientific process is a long one. Uther: What are you concealing from me? Gaius: Sire, I have seen nothing like it. The victims are dying in 24 hours, and it's spreading fast. Uther: What is the cause? Gaius: I think you should say that the cause, the most likely cause, is sorcery. Uther pulls Arthur aside. Uther: We must find who did this. Arthur: I will, father. Uther (scared whisper): Conduct door to door searches. Increase your presence in the town. Double the guards on all the gates. And lend the physician your servant. Arthur: Merlin? But... Uther: I'm going to need Gaius to find a cure. He needs all the help we can give him. If Gaius is right, believe me, this city will be wiped out. This is the kind of magic that undermines our authority, challenges all we've done. If we cannot control this plague, people will turn to magic for a cure. We have to find this sorcerer, and quickly. Arthur: Yes, father. TOWN - DAY Arthur and guards search the city. Merlin and Gaius walk through town. Merlin sees a sick person Merlin: Gaius? Gaius. He's still alive. Gaius: I'm afraid there's nothing we can do for him. Merlin: But we haven't tried. Gaius: If we don't know what a disease is, then how can we cure him? Merlin: With magic. Gaius: Have a look. They're suspicious of everyone. Merlin: This is not the time to be using magic. Science will lead us to the source of the disease. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS Gaius heats a vial of liquid. Merlin: What are you doing? Gaius: I'm examining the contents of that man's stomach. Merlin: Will that tell you who did it? Gaius: No, but it might tell us how it's spread. One thing I do know, this is magic of the darkest kind. Merlin: Why would someone use magic like that? Gaius: Magic corrupts. People use it for their own ends. Merlin: But not all magic is bad. I know it isn't. Gaius: It's neither good nor bad. It's how you use it. Arthur and guards burst in Arthur (to guards): Over there (to Gaius) Sorry Gaius, we're searching every room in town. Gaius: What for? Arthur: A sorcerer. Gaius: But why would he be here? Arthur: I'm just doing my job. Gaius: We've nothing to hide. Go on, then. Search. Arthur: All these books and papers? Gaius: My life's work, dedicated to the understanding of science. You are quite welcome to read through them if you wish. Arthur: What's this room up here? Merlin: Er...it's mine. Gaius: And what do you expect to find in there? Arthur: I'm looking for material or evidence suggesting the use of enchantments. Gaius: What've you done with the magic book I gave you? Merlin looks worried. Arthur enters his room. Arthur: Merlin, come here. Look what I found. Merlin runs into his messy room expecting Arthur to be talking about the magic book Arthur: I found a place where you can put things. It's called a cupboard. Merlin spots book on the floor and magically covers it with his bed sheet. Arthur looks under the bed, but misses the book and exits Merlin's room. Arthur: How long do you think it may be before you find a cure? Gaius: It depends on how many interruptions I get. Arthur: Of course, I'm sorry (to guards) We're finished here. They exit. Gaius closes the door. Gaius: We have to hide that book. Merlin: No. We must use it. Gaius: Don't be stupid. Merlin: If I have this legacy then what is it for? You keep telling me it's not for playing tricks. Gaius: You want to practice magic when the King is hunting for sorcerers? Are you mad? Merlin, your life is destined for more important things. Merlin: But if I don't practice, then how will I get to be this great warlock?! Gaius: There will come a time when your skills will be recognised. Merlin: When?! How long do I have to wait? Gaius: Patience is a virtue, Merlin. Merlin: Sitting by and doing nothing, that's a virtue? Gaius: Your time will come. Merlin: I could cure that man we saw. Gaius: I know it's tempting to use the way you find easiest, Merlin... Merlin: It is when it would save a life. Gaius: It's no good just saving one person. We have to discover how this illness is spreading. Merlin: Arthur is out there right now looking for the sorcerer! Gaius: A sorcerer who's powerful enough to do this will never be found searching the town. Merlin (sigh): So what can we do? Gaius: Hope that science can find the answer before it kills us all. CAVE - DAY Nimueh watches the beast she has sent in her stone basin. A woman draws water from the spout in the Lower Town. covered bodies are lined up in the courtyard. KING'S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER - DAY Arthur enters. Uther is here. Arthur: We searched everywhere, the entire city. Uther: Nothing? Arthur: I don't know where else to look. Uther: I want you to impose a curfew. No one is to be allowed onto the streets after the great bell. Arthur: Father? Uther: And cordon off the lower town Arthur: Why? Uther: Because that's where most of the victims are. Let's isolate it, stop this disease from spreading. Arthur: What about the people who live there? Uther: Don't you think I haven't considered it? What else can I do? I have to protect the rest of the city. Arthur bows and exits. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS Gaius and Merlin examine another corpse. Gaius: What's different about this victim? Merlin: Er...she's a woman. Gaius: Sometimes I do wonder whether you're a magical talents were given to the right person. Anything else? Merlin: Erm...she's a courtier. Gaius: Ah. Merlin: How does that help us? Gaius: Courtiers seldom go down to the lower town. So what does that mean? Merlin: Erm....that, that she hasn't spoken to any townspeople. Gaius (looks pained): Yes, it suggests that the disease is not spread by contact. Merlin: Oh, and they probably ate different food. Gaius: Good. Anything else? Merlin: Erm...I doubt they breathe the same air. Gaius: So what's the only thing they do share? Merlin: Water. Water? You think the disease is spread through water? Gaius: Merlin, you're a prodigy. Gaius hands Merlin a bucket. Merlin walks to Lower Town well. GWEN'S HOUSE - DAY Gwen ties her cloak. Gwen: It's time to get up, Dad...Dad? She turns him over. Tom: Gwen. Tom is magically sick. Gwen panics and runs to the castle crying, passing Merlin at the well. Merlin: Gwen? Gwen! Merlin grabs the bucket of water and runs after her. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - DAY Gwen enters. Gaius: Gwen! Gwen: Gaius. Gaius: You have the sickness? Gwen (shakes her head): My father! Please, Gaius, he's all I have. Gaius: Gwen, I have no cure. Gwen: I am begging you! Gaius: I wish there was something, anything, but so far the remedy is beyond what I can achieve (takes her hand) I'm sorry, Gwen. She runs out of the room. Merlin: There must be something we can do. Gaius: My best. Let's hope that this can provide some answers. Merlin: But that'll be too late for Gwen's father. Gaius: I fear you may be right. Gaius puts some of the water in a jar, and places a flower in it. Merlin goes to his room. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - NIGHT Merlin checks on snoring Gaius, pulls out his magic book, and sneaks past the guards. Guard 1: What about over...in there? Guard 2: Certainly, Sir. Guards poke spears into haystacks. A guard approaches Merlin's hiding spot. Merlin (spell): Onstyrian, onbregdan. The door across the street creaks open. A guard nears and the door hits him in the face. Merlin goes to Gwen's house. Gwen and Tom are sleeping. Merlin puts a poultice under Tom's pillow and performs a spell "þu fornimst adl fram guman" He exits and watches them outside the door. Tom wakes and touches Gwen's head, which is resting on his bedside. Gwen: Father? Tom: Gwen. Gwen (realizes Tom is well): What's happened? I can't believe it! She hugs her father. CAVE More covered bodies are laid out in the Square. Nimueh continues watching in her stone basin KING'S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER - DAY Arthur reaches for the glass vial containing the tainted water with a flower in it. Gaius: Don't touch it! I had this in the water for no more than a few hours. Uther: Where's the water from? Gaius: The pump from where the people take their daily supply. Arthur: We have to stop the people from using it. Gaius: The city cannot survive without water. Uther: We have to find this sorcerer! Arthur: I don't believe that they're inside Camelot. Uther: Then extend the search to the villages! Arthur: We've started, but I can't search the entire kingdom. Uther: And I can't stand by and watch our people dying. Arthur nods and exits KING'S PALACE, MORGANA'S CHAMBERS - DAY Merlin enters. Gwen hums as she gathers Morgana's clothes. Merlin: How's your father? Is he feeling better? Gwen: Yeah, it's incredible. It's a miracle. Merlin: His skin's clear, back to normal? Gwen: Yes Merlin: Great. He beams and turns to leave. Gwen: You don't seem surprised. Merlin: No, no, I am. It's a miracle. Gwen: But how did you know he was well? Merlin: Er...because you're smiling. Gwen: That's really weird because I haven't told anyone, but you know. How could you know? Merlin: Yeah. Alright. You finally found out, I'll tell you (swallows) I'm psychic. Gwen (giggle): No you're not. Merlin: It's true. Gwen: Alright, what am I thinking? Merlin: That I'm not psychic. Gwen (giggle): You're strange. I, I don't mean that in a nasty way. You're just funny. I like that. Merlin: Erm, er, I 'm pleased for you. Gwen: Thank you. Merlin: What for? Gwen: Don't know...just for asking. Merlin: I didn't like to see you upset. I have to...get on. Merlin waves awkwardly. Gwen waves back. Merlin leaves. Gwen smiles. BLACKSMITH'S - DAY Tom works at his forge. Townspeople watch him. Arthur approaches with guards. Arthur: The story is you were sick. Tom: Not anymore. Arthur: Perhaps you were suffering from some other ailment? Tom: Oh, you're joking. I felt like death itself, not enough strength in me to stir the air. Arthur: Then...what happened? Tom: Oh, I don't know. Suddenly it was gone. I'm fitter than I was before. Arthur: That's remarkable. Was anybody with you when all this happened? Tom: Just my daughter, Gwen. Arthur leaves and Tom goes back to work. Arthur and guards search Gwen and Tom's house. Guard finds glowing poultice. KING'S PALACE, MORGANA'S CHAMBERS - DAY Gwen hums as she carries away a vase full of dead flowers. Arthur and guards enter. Arthur: Seize her! Gwen: No! Arthur: Guinevere, I'm arresting you for crimes and contraventions of the laws of Camelot, that you did practice enchantments. Morgana enters. Morgana: Gwen? Gwen: But what have I done? I haven't done anything! Help me, please! Morgana (to Arthur): What are you doing? Arthur: I found a magic poultice in her house. Morgana: Oh, that's ridiculous. Arthur: Then how else do you explain her father's recovery? Morgana: Well, she's innocent! I know she's innocent. Arthur: What can I do? I can't turn a blind eye! Arthur exits and Morgana scoffs. KING'S PALACE, UPPER CORRIDOR - DAY Arthur and guards drag Gwen down the corridor. Gwen: No, please. You've got to listen to me! Please, I haven't done anything wrong! You have to listen to me, please! I am innocent, I swear! Let me go! I swear to you! Gwen turns her head and sees Merlin approaching her. Gwen: Merlin! Merlin, please help me! (to guards) Why won't you listen to me?! Gaius takes Merlin's arm and escorts him out. Gwen: Please listen to me! KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - DAY Merlin and Gaius enter and Gaius slams the door. Gaius: What've you done?! Merlin: What? Gaius: I warned you! Oh, I understand. You thought you were doing good. Merlin: I couldn't let her father die knowing I could cure him. Gaius: Didn't you think it might look a bit suspicious, the curing of one man? Merlin: Well then, all I have to do is...I'll cure everyone! No one will ever have to know it was magic. Gaius: It's too late! They think Gwen's a sorceress! They think she caused the disease! Merlin: But she didn't! (rushes to leave). Gaius: Oh, and how are you going to prove that?! Merlin stops to think, then leaves. KING'S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER - DAY Gwen is brought before Uther on the charge of witchcraft Gwen: Please listen to me I have done nothing, please! I swear I haven't done anything! Guards drop her on the floor. Uther (to Arthur): Well done. Gwen: Why will no one believe me?! He got better, he just recovered. I didn't do anything! Morgana enters. Morgana: I believe you. Perhaps this is a disease that is not always fatal. Have you thought of that? Perhaps he recovered naturally. Uther: And what of this poultice that was found? Gwen: What poultice? I don't know anything about a poultice! Uther: It was found in your house. Undo this enchantment. Put an end to this contagion. Gwen: I can't! Uther: I will show you no mercy. Gwen: I am not a witch. I don't know how to stop the illness! Uther: If you will not undo your sorcery, you force my hand and I must find you guilty... Gwen: But I told you, I... Uther: It is therefore my duty to pronounce judgment. And under the circumstance I have no choice but to sentence you to death. Gwen: No! Uther: I can only hope that when you die, this evil plague dies with you. Gwen: No! No! Uther: Take her away. Guards drag Gwen backwards out of the room. Gwen: Please, no! I'm innocent! Please, please, no! Please help me! Please, I beg you! No! The courtiers leave. Morgana watches Gwen get dragged off, then turns to Uther. Morgana: I know Gwen. She's my maidservant, not an enchantress. Uther: Have you ever seen an enchantress? Believe me, they bear no sign, no mark. There is no sense of evil in the eye. Morgana: I've seen the way the girl works. Her fingers are worn, her nails are broken. If she was a sorceress, why would she do this? Why would she kneel on a cold stone floor morning after morning when she could make these things happen with a snap of her fingers? Like an idle king! Uther: You have no right! Morgana: You have a right to cast a judgment on that girl! Uther: I have a responsibility to take care of this kingdom! I take no pleasure in this! Morgana: But you're sentencing the wrong person! Arthur: She's right, Father. You hear the word magic, you no longer listen. Uther: You saw it for yourself. She used enchantments. Arthur: Yes, maybe. But to save her dying father, that doesn't make her guilty of creating a plague. One's the act of, of kindness, of love, the other of evil. I don't believe evil's in this girl's heart. Uther: I have witnessed what witchcraft can do. I have suffered at its hand. I cannot take that chance. If there is the slightest doubt about this girl, she must die or the whole kingdom may perish. Arthur: I understand that. Uther: One day you may become King. Then you will understand. Such decisions must be made. There are dark forces that threaten this kingdom. Arthur: I know. witchcraft is an evil, father. So is injustice. Yes, I am yet to be King, and I don't know what kind of king I will be, but I do have a sense of the kind of Camelot I would wish to live in. It would be where the punishment fits the crime. Uther: I fear you're right. She's played with fire, and sadly she must die by fire. Morgana leaves. Arthur paces the Council Chamber. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS Merlin: I thought I was doing good and that curing Gwen's father would help her. I thought I was saving a life. It seemed so simple. Gaius: An easy solution is like a light in a storm, Merlin. Rush for it at your peril, for it may not always lead you to a safe harbour. Merlin: I can see that now. Gaius: How many times have I warned you about the responsibilities of being a warlock? Merlin: I must see her. KING'S PALACE, DUNGEONS Merlin goes down stairs to the dungeon, passes a weeping Morgana on wrought iron stairway. Merlin: Gwen. Gwen tries to get to the cell door, but her chains don't stretch that far. She's been crying. Gwen: Thank you. Merlin: What for? Gwen: For coming to see me. Merlin: I'm sorry. Gwen: It's not your fault. Merlin: Well... Gwen: It's alright. Don't worry about me. There's no point crying about it. I mean...I mean, I'm not saying that you were going to cry about me. Obviously I don't think that. Merlin: Oh, Gwen. I can't have this happen. Gwen: Please. One thing. You...you don't have to, but... Merlin: What? Gwen: Remember me. Merlin: You're not going to die. I'm not going to let this happen. Merlin leaves, rushing up the wrought iron stairway. KING'S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER Uther is consulting his advisors. Uther: What if burning this witch doesn't stop the poison? How do I protect my people? My men have closed down the water pumps. Gaius: But the emergency supply won't last for much longer. We have to find a way of cleansing the water of the disease. Uther: But how? Gaius: Well... The doors open and Merlin bursts in. Merlin: It was me! It was me who used magic to cure Gwen's father! The council stares at him. Merlin: Gwen is not the sorcerer. I am! Gaius stands up. Gaius: Merlin! Are you mad? Merlin: I cannot let her die for me (to Uther) I place myself at your mercy. Gaius: He doesn't know what he's talking about. Merlin: I do. Uther: Then arrest him. Arthur: Father, please! I can't allow this! This is madness! There's no way Merlin is a sorcerer. Uther: Did you not hear him? Arthur: Yes. Uther: He admitted it. Arthur: He saved my life, remember. Uther: Why should he fabricate such a story? Arthur: As Gaius said, he's got a...grave mental disease. Uther: Really? Arthur: He's in love. Merlin: What? Arthur: With Gwen. Uther grins. Merlin: I am not. Arthur: Yes, you are. Merlin: No way. Arthur: I saw yesterday with that flower she'd given you. Merlin: I'm not in love with her. Arthur puts his arm around Merlin. Arthur: It's all right. You can admit it. Merlin: I don't even think of her like that! Uther: Perhaps she cast a spell on you. Arthur looks at his father worriedly. Uther snickers. Other council members snicker, and Arthur smiles in relief. Arthur: Merlin is a wonder, but the wonder is that he's such an idiot. There's no way he's a sorcerer. Uther: Don't waste my time again. Let him go. [SCENE_BREAK] KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS Merlin: Arthur's the idiot! Gaius: No. He was right to do what he did. And, thankfully, he saved you from your own stupidity. Merlin: What else could I do? It's my fault Gwen's going to die. Gaius: Yes, but you don't prove her innocence by offering to jump into the flames. You do it by finding out what's causing the disease! Merlin: Well, whatever it is, one thing's for sure: Arthur isn't going to find it. He thinks he is so sharp! But even when I told him I was a wizard, he still couldn't see it. Gaius: Sometimes they're pretty hard to spot. Merlin: Well, maybe I should go around wearing a pointy hat. Gaius: I don't think you'll find one big enough. Anyway, forget that. If we're going to save Gwen, we have to find out what's contaminating the water. TUNNEL WATER SUPPLY Gaius and Merlin go to the underground entrance to the water supply. Nimueh's watching in her stone basin Gaius: The water from here supplies the whole town. Take a sample. Merlin puts bottle in the water. Gaius: Let's take it back and examine it. The beast rears up out of the water. Merlin: What the hell was that? Gaius takes Merlin's arm and they leave. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS Gaius and Merlin look at a book Gaius: Here. It was an Afanc. Merlin: An...a what? Gaius: A beast born of clay, and conjured up only by the most powerful sorcerer. Now we have to find a way to defeat it. But where? Gaius looks at shelves of books. Merlin: That could take days. Gwen'll be dead by then. Gaius: Have you got a better idea? Merlin sees pyre being built in the square on his way to the dungeons. He sees Gwen lying on the cell floor. Merlin: Gwen? I'm going to get you out. I will. Merlin leaves. KING'S PALACE, DRAGON'S CAVE Merlin: Hello? Kilgharrah: Hello. The Great Dragon flies down. Kilgharrah: The great warlock returns, as I knew he would. Merlin: I need to know how to defeat an Afanc. Kilgharrah: Yes, I suppose you do. Merlin: Will you help me? Kilgharrah: Trust the elements that are at your command. Merlin: Elements? But what is it I have to do? Kilgharrah: You cannot do this alone. You are but one side of a coin. Arthur is the other. Merlin: I...I don't understand. Just tell me what it is I have to do. Kilgharrah flies off. Merlin: No! Please, help me! Kilgharrah: I have. Kilgharrah laughs. Merlin: Oh, yeah, right. Thanks. KING'S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER - DAY Arthur enters. Uther: Have you found anything more? Arthur: I've tried. I can keep looking. Uther: People are dying, we can't delay any longer. We must kill the witch. Bring her execution forward to tonight. Arthur bows his head and exits. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - DAY Merlin frantically searches through books. Gaius enters. Gaius: Merlin, what are you doing? Merlin: Looking for a book. Gaius: You going to tell me which one? Merlin: A book on elements. Gaius: Elements? Merlin: Yes. Which one would I find them in? Gaius: Well, most of them. The study of base elements is at the very heart of the scientific process. Merlin: But how would they help me kill the Afanc? Gaius: Well, the Afanc is a creature made from earth and water. That's two of the four base elements. Merlin: What about the other two? Gaius: Well, perhaps they will destroy it. You want fire. Wind and fire. How did you find this out? Merlin: Erm...I just knew, you know? One of my powers. Gaius: What else do your powers tell you? Merlin: That I am only one side of a coin. The brighter side, obviously. Gaius: And who's the other side? Merlin: I think that might be Arthur. Morgana: They're bringing forward the execution. We have to prove Gwen's innocence. Gaius: We're trying. Morgana: Please, just tell me what I can do to help. Merlin: We need Arthur. Morgana: Arthur? Merlin: There's a monster, an Afanc, in the water supply. That's what's causing the plague. Morgana: Well, we must tell Uther. Gaius: The Afanc's a creature forged by magic. Telling Uther wouldn't save Gwen. He'd just blame her for conjuring it. Morgana: So, what are we to do? Merlin: We need to destroy it. Then the plague will stop and Uther may see sense. Morgana: And that's why you need Arthur. Merlin: He's our best chance. But he won't want to disobey the King. Morgana: Leave that to me. Morgana exits. Gaius gives Merlin the keys to the water supply tunnels. KING'S PALACE, ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS - DAY Arthur enters. Morgana is waiting for him. Arthur: You alright? Sorry about all this (points at the mess on the table). Merlin's not been in today. Morgana: Poor Merlin. Arthur: Yeah. Morgana: He offered to give up his life to save Gwen's. I certainly can't imagine any man loving me so much. Arthur: No, I certainly can't imagine that either. Morgana (smirks): That's because you're not like Merlin. He's a lover. Arthur: Yeah, maybe that's because I haven't found the right person to love. Morgana: Sadly the age of gallantry seems to be dead. You look around and all you see are small men, not big enough to fill their armour. There's not one of them that's able to stand up for what is right. Arthur smirks at Morgana's obvious manipulative insult. Arthur: What do you want me to do? KING'S PALACE, MAIN SQUARE/WATER TUNNEL - DAY Morgana and Arthur walk into the Square where Merlin meets them. Arthur draws his sword. They open tunnel door and Arthur lights a torch before they descend. Arthur: You'd better be right about this, Merlin. They hear low growl. Morgana gasps. Arthur: You should stay here. Morgana: I'm coming with you. Arthur: No! Morgana: Scared I'll show you up? Arthur: Father will slam us both in chains if he knew I'd endangered you. Morgana: Well good thing he doesn't know about it then. Arthur: I'm telling you, Morgana, turn back. You could get hurt. Morgana: You could you...if you don't get out of my way. Merlin's amused. Arthur rolls his eyes. Morgana How are we going to find it? Merlin: I just hope we do before it finds us. Arthur spins around. Arthur: Stop. Merlin: What? Arthur: It's just a shadow. They keep moving. the Afanc creeps out of shadows behind them. they reach the water source. Arthur: Spread out. They split up. Arthur hears growl and Afanc swipes at him from behind, then disappears. Morgana rushes to him. Morgana: What is it? Are you alright? Arthur: Yeah. Merlin: Did you see it? Arthur: Yes. Merlin: What did it look like? Arthur: It...it's quick. The Afanc come up in front of Morgana. She screams. Arthur goes for it, but it disappears again. Arthur: Where is it? Merlin: I think it's gone this way! They walk. the Afanc creeps slowly out around corner into full view. Arthur swings at it and loses his sword. it also swipes away Morgana's torch. Arthur circles it with torch. Merlin: Arthur, use the torch! Arthur swings the torch. Merlin (spell): Lyfte ic þe in balwen ac forhienan. Merlin's spell blows flames into the Afanc, incinerating it. CAVE Nimueh watches in her stone basin. Nimueh (splashes the water in anger): Merlin. Mah! KING'S PALACE, COUNCIL CHAMBER - DAY Uther laughs over some parchment with his advisors. Uther: It's very good. Gaius: Good news, Sire. There are no new deaths, and those that are sick are recovering. Uther: Good. Strange, I've never heard of an Afanc before. Gaius: It's conjured from clay by powerful magic. The type that can only be invoked by an ancient sorcerer. One that has the power to mirror the spirit of life. I found this at the water source (showing a piece of the Afanc's egg) It bears the mark of Nimueh. We must be vigilant, Sire. Uther: Will I never be rid of her? Gaius: Sire. Uther: Leave me! Everyone exits. Uther sits on the throne and mopes. KING'S PALACE, DUNGEONS - DAY Guards open Gwen's cell. Gwen's father, Merlin, and Morgana enters. Gwen: Dad! Tom (hugs her): Oh, my little child! Gwen reaches to grasp Morgana's hand. Gwen: Thank you! Morgana: Don't thank me. It was more Merlin. Gwen: Really? Morgana: He's the real hero here. Gwen: I don't know what to say. Merlin (shrugs): I didn't do anything. Tom: I'm...I'm grateful to you all. Come on, Gwen. Tom and Gwen leave. Morgana: Merlin. I wanted you to know, your secret's safe with me. Merlin: My secret? Morgana: Merlin, don't pretend. I know what you did. Merlin: You do? Morgana: I saw it with my own eyes. Merlin: You did? Morgana: I understand why you don't anyone to know. Merlin: Well, obviously. Morgana: But I won't tell anyone. You don't mind me talking to you about it? Merlin: Er...no. I...I, it's, er...you have no idea how hard it is to keep this hidden. Morgana: Well, you can continue to deny it, but I think Gwen's a very lucky woman. Merlin: Gwen? Morgana puts her finger to her lips. Morgana: It's our secret. Morgana smiles as she leaves. Merlin sighs. KING'S PALACE, PHYSICIAN'S CHAMBERS - NIGHT Merlin and Gaius eat dinner. Merlin: This fish didn't come from the water, did it? Gaius: Well, where else is it going to come from? The water's fine now. That's not your worry. This is the work of a very powerful sorcerer. I only hope you didn't come to her attention. Merlin: Doubt it. Well no one else seems to appreciate my skills. I just want someone to see me for who I am. Gaius: One day, Merlin. One day. Merlin: One day what? Gaius: One day people won't believe what an idiot you were. Merlin: Thanks. They toast. Nimueh watches them from her stone basin. Nimueh: Merlin, you will pay for this!

The dark sorceress Nimueh casts a spell on a dragon egg which she throws into the castle's water supply. The next day, people start dying of a plague which turns their skin white with dark blue veins. Uther orders Arthur to search all Camelot for the sorcerer he believes to have caused the epidemic - only a magic trick saves Merlin from having his book found. When Gwen's father exhibits symptoms, Merlin disregards Gaius's warning by curing him. However, when Arthur reports the recovery, Uther believes Gwen to be the sorceress and sentences her to death. With some prompting from Morgana, Arthur goes with Merlin to hunt down the monster (an afanc).

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[Scene: The building where Max and Cindy work. Cupid is there leaning against a pole.] Max: Cindy. Cindy: Max. Max: Hi. Cindy: Hi. Max: Working late, huh? Cindy: Yeah, so what else is new, right? (They walk down the stairs. Cupid's ring glows.) Cupid: It's a match. Max: Did you guys survive Y2K alright? Cindy: Sure. If you ask me it's all just a bunch of hype. Max: Exactly. Cindy: I guess I'll see you around? Max: Okay. Take care. Cindy: :Yeah, you too. (Cupid's ring glows and Cindy and Max walk in slow motion.) Cupid: Cindy, I know those last few loves of yours didn't work out. You've been hurt and you're scared. But you've gotta take a risk if you wanna find the real thing. And Max is real. Open up to him. And Max, Cindy's love and compassion awaits you, but she's afraid that you're still in love with your ex-wife. You've got to reassure her. Life's short you two. So, have a better one together, okay? (Cupid's ring glows and they stop moving in slow motion.) Max: Listen, you wanna grab a cup of coffee or something? Cindy: Yeah, sure, I'd like that. Max: Great. [Scene: Cupid is walking along in an alley. Drazi, the demon of hate, grabs Cupid and holds him up against a dumpster.] Drazi: Hello, friend. I've been looking everywhere for you. Cupid: Drazi. Drazi: I knew I'd find ya. Cupid: Yeah, listen Drazi. (Drazi throws Cupid into some wooden boxes.) Drazi: Couldn't leave it alone could ya? You just had to get in the way. Cupid: You crossed the line. Drazi: Crossed the line? I am the line. You're the one that went too far and now you're gonna pay. Cupid: No, wait. (Drazi reaches into Cupid's chest and squeezes his heart.) Cupid: Ahh, you're killing me. Drazi: I could do a lot more than that. A lot more. How does it feel, huh? I can tell ya, I know. Thanks to you, I know what it feels like to have your heart ripped out. You don't want to feel that pain do you? (He throws Cupid on the ground and stands on his arm.) No, I gotta better idea and you're gonna just hate it. (Drazi takes Cupid's ring.) Your little magic ring you use to slip in there between the heart beats, plant your little thoughts of love and I'm gonna borrow it. I'm gonna use it to tear apart some of your more recent unions. Cupid: No, Drazi, no. Drazi: I'm gonna turn love into hate and that hate is going to slowly and painfully kill you. And in the end, you're gonna wish I had ripped your heart out. (He walks away.) Cupid: Drazi! [Scene: Outside the movie theatre. Prue, Jack, Piper, Dan and Phoebe walk onto the sidewalk. Prue and Jack are holding hands and Dan has his arm around Piper.] Phoebe: Fifth wheel cutting in. Piper: Oh, would you stop that. Phoebe: Well, it is a double date. Prue: It would have been a triple date if Kevin hadn't cancelled. Phoebe: I know. It seems to be an epidemic lately. Guys canceling on me. Piper: You know what happens when they cancel. Prue: Ooh, back to square one. Piper: Do not pass go. Phoebe: And all accrued nookie credits are thrown out. Jack: There's a penalty? Prue, Piper, Phoebe: Oh yeah! Jack: You know this glimpse into feminine mystery frightens me to no end so allow me to change the subject. What did you think of the movie? Piper: I liked it. Prue: Loved it except for the bellbottoms. Dan: It was okay, I guess. Piper: Who are you kidding? I heard you sniffle. Dan: Fighting a cold. Piper: Liar. Prue: Jack? Jack: As far as classics go, it was no Dirty Dozen. Phoebe: I slept through it. Jack: You slept through Dirty Dozen? Phoebe: No, Love Story. The last thing I remember is the hockey game. Piper: That was the very beginning. Phoebe: Okay, let me guess. Boy meets girl, grim reaper swipes girl, and boy's left with his hockey skates? Jack: That's the review. Dan: Anybody want a coffee? Jack: I hope so because I am buying. (Prue, Jack, Piper and Dan walk into a coffee shop laughing and giggling. Phoebe walks in and stops, feeling left out. Prue notices her standing there.) Prue: Hey, you're gonna come get coffee, right? Phoebe: I'm just gonna get a cab, call it a night. I'm pooped. Prue: I'm sorry that Kevin backed out on you. Phoebe: His loss. Prue: It is so his loss because you are beautiful, my sister. (Prue hugs her.) Phoebe: You're so beautiful. Alright, go see your man. Have some coffee. Prue: Okay. I love you. Phoebe: I love you too. (Prue walks over to the others. Cupid comes up to Phoebe.) Cupid: I need your help. (He grabs her.) Phoebe: Let go of me. Cupid: Hate will destroy me and everything else if you don't help me. Phoebe: I am warning you, buddy. Cupid: Phoebe, you gotta believe me. I know why you can't find love. Dan: Hey, you, let go of her. (Cupid runs away. Prue and Piper run up to Phoebe.) Piper: Are you okay? Phoebe: Uh, yeah. Prue: What was that about? Phoebe: I'm not sure. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Phoebe walks out of her bedroom and walks over to Piper's room. She knocks on the door.] Phoebe: Piper, you still asleep? (She opens the door and walks in. She notices Piper's bed hasn't been slept in. She walks out and over to Prue's room.) Hey, Prue, guess who got lucky last night? (She opens the door and notices Prue's bed hasn't been slept in either. She walks downstairs and the phone rings.) I'll get it. (She picks up the phone.) Hello? Prue: Morning. Phoebe: Hey, Prue. Did that coffee keep someone up all night? Prue: Believe it or not, all we did was talk. Phoebe: Yeah, right. Prue: No, I swear. We just talked about everything, it was really great. Phoebe: Really? How's he react to the witch part? Prue: Cute. Alright, where's Piper? Phoebe: Oh, she's still at Dan's. Hey, if only I'd bagged Mr. Creepy, we could have scored a Halliwell hat trick last night. Prue: Don't be mad. Phoebe: No, I'm not mad. I'm thrilled for you both. I mean, it's been a long time. You deserve to be happy. (Cupid walks up behind Phoebe.) Cupid: You're gonna need a new lock on that back door. (Phoebe drops the phone, turns around and kicks Cupid in the mouth. He falls onto the stairs.) [Cut to Prue.] Prue: Phoebe? (Prue hangs up and runs out of Jack's place.) [Cut back to the manor.] Cupid: I'm getting rather used to you kicking love in the teeth. Phoebe: Okay, who are you and what do you want? Cupid: More importantly I know who you are Phoebe. And that's why I'm here. I need your help. Charmed Ones kind of help. Phoebe: I will ask again. Who are you? Cupid: You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Phoebe: Try me. Cupid: Well, for lack of a better name, Cupid. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Dan's house. Piper's laying on Dan's bed. Dan comes in carrying a tray with breakfast on it.] Piper: Oh, my. Dan: All eggs over, bacon crisps, a box of jewellery and dried toast. Piper: A box of what? Dan: Would you like the morning paper with that? Piper: What did you do? Dan: It's not a big deal. It's not a ring or anything. But just because it's jewellery, I don't want you to feel like you gotta keep it. If you wanna take it back, you can. Piper: I get it, I get it. (Piper picks up the box.) Dan: You gonna open it? (Piper opens it and there's a diamond necklace in it) Piper: Oh. Dan: ‘Cos if you want to you can take it back. (Piper kisses Dan passionately. Phoebe looks around the corner and tries to get Piper's attention. Piper opens her eyes and sees Phoebe. She stops kissing Dan.) Hey, is something- (Piper freezes Dan.) Piper: Phoebe, what are you doing in here? How did you get in here? Phoebe: We have got a very big problem. (Phoebe pulls Cupid into the room.) Piper, Cupid. Cupid, Piper. Cupid: Hi, sorry to interrupt. Glad to see things are working out for you and Dan. Piper: What? Phoebe: You have to come home really fast. Cupid: Yeah, a demon of hate stole my ring and he's gonna use it to find all the loves that I've put together so he can destroy them, which will in turn destroy me. Piper: Wait a minute. Phoebe: He's telling the truth. The demon's name is Drazi. He's in the Book of Shadows. Cupid: Yeah, Phoebe's already started working on the potion that will vanquish it. Phoebe: And Prue's on her way home. Piper: From where? Phoebe: From Jack's. Okay, hurry. Kiss very fast. (Cupid and Phoebe leave. Piper sits back on the bed in front of Dan.) Piper: Okey dokey. (Dan unfreezes.) Dan: -the matter? Piper: Yes. Um, there is but not with you. There is absolutely nothing the matter with you. But I do have to go. (She gets off the bed.) Dan: Hold it. What happened? I don't understand. Piper: It has nothing to do with you. Dan: Then what does it have to do with? Piper: It's, uh, complicated. (She picks up her clothes.) Thank you for this and you'll see it on me tonight at the club. (She kisses him and leaves.) [Scene: A cafe. Max and Cindy are sitting at a table drinking coffee. Drazi is standing nearby watching them. The ring on his finger glows.] Drazi: Hello, young lovers. [Scene: Manor. Living room. Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Cupid are there.] Prue: So we're actually supposed to believe that you're Cupid? Cupid: You believe in warlocks and demons but you can't believe in me? Piper: Where's the chubby baby? Phoebe: Guys. Prue: And the bow and arrow? Cupid: Where's the warty chins, hooked noses and pointy hats? Prue: Alright, show us something supernatural. Cupid: Drazi took my ring. It's my powers, how I get in. Prue:; Get in? Cupid: People's hearts, to waken love. See, but Drazi's all about hate and he's gonna use the ring to get in the same way. Piper: You're still gonna have to back up the Cupid claim. Cupid: Okay, fine. (He points to Piper.) Dan, (points to Prue) Jack, (points to Phoebe) Clay (points to Prue) Andy. My sincerest condolences. Eric in London, Alec in college, (points to Piper) Not Jeremy the Warlock, Joe in college, Barry in high school, Tim in eighth grade, (points to Phoebe) Ken, Kyle, Steve, Mike, Ken again, Brian, Joel, Martin, Peter, Paul, Tony. Phoebe: Okay, you know I didn't love all those guys, right? Cupid: Yeah, well, they wanted to love you but you're closed hearted. That's what sent them away. Phoebe: My closed heart? I do not have a closed heart. Cupid: Look, if people get the feeling that there's nothing there, then eventually it's hasta la vista, Phoebe. That explains the recent rush of cancelled dates. Prue: Okay, so wait, our past relationships, you made those happen? Cupid: Well, actually, my assignment here's only two years old. I helped you two meet Jack and Dan but most of your prior loves were work from fellow agents. Piper: Agents? Cupid: Oh, yeah. I'm just one of many. We work in secret all over the world making connections Piper: Did you connect me and Leo? Cupid: Uh, no. That was the work of you two. Those connections were forbidden to make for obvious reasons. Phoebe: Um, can we go back to the hasta la vista remark please?. Cupid: We don't have time right now to debate the topic of your closed heart, Phoebe. We gotta finish the potion so we can vanquish Drazi before it's too late. Prue: Okay, so how are we supposed to find him? Cupid: The same way he can find me. We can sense each other. We're connected in a cosmic way. There's a fine line between love and hate. Piper: Oh, brother. Cupid: Hey, don't take Drazi lightly. You guys are in danger as well you know. Phoebe: We're in danger every day. We're used to it. Cupid: Look, if Drazi succeeds, eventually he'll kill the ability to love. And believe me, it's a fate worse than death. [Scene: At the markets. Max is buying some flowers for Cindy. He walks over to her.] Max: Sorry, they didn't have any roses. Cindy: You're too good to be true. I still can't believe this is all happening. Max: Believe it. (They kiss. Drazi appears.) Drazi: Touching. Really touching. Cindy, could you be a bigger fool? He's still sleeping with his ex-wife. He looks at you as a desperate, lonely woman. Easy s*x. Max, she's nothing but a gold digging tramp, who wants to hit your big fat wallet, just as soon marry ya and kill you for the insurance. Bye bye. (He disappears.) Cindy: You pathetic... Max: Bitch! Cindy: Take your damn flowers. Give them to your ex-wife. Max: The bank's closed, baby. You're not laying one finger on this guy's money. Cindy: Screw you. (Max walks on the road.) Max: Up yours! (A car horn beeps and a car hits Max.) [Cut to the manor. Cupid clutches his chest in pain. Piper walks in the foyer.] Piper: Prue, Phoebe. (Prue and Phoebe walk in.) Prue: What's the matter? Piper: I don't know. Phoebe: What's wrong? Cupid: It's Drazi. He's killing love. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: On the street where Max got hit. Max is on a stretcher and a policeman is talking to Cindy.] Cindy: He just walked into the traffic. Dumb ass. Is he gonna die? Policeman: I can't answer that. Cindy: Because he should you know. I don't think I've known anyone who deserves to be hit by a car more than that guy. (Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Cupid pull up in the car. They get out and walk over to Max.) Cupid: It's Max. Piper: Is he one of yours? Cupid: Yeah, I matched him up with Cindy last night. She was afraid to risk love too. Phoebe: Are you picking on me? Cupid: Phoebe, I'm... Phoebe: Do you think it's easy finding love with all the demon hunting we have to do? Cupid: Well, your sisters don't seem to be having any problem. Phoebe: Alright, you know, let's stay focused. We have things to do. Prue: Are you sure Drazi did this? Cupid: Positive. He's still here too. I can feel him? Phoebe: Where? Cupid: There. (Cupid points to him and you can see him standing near by.) Prue: Do you think he knows who we are? (Drazi walks off.) Piper: Apparently. Cupid: He's getting away. Do you have the potion? Phoebe: Yes. (They all start running after him.) We're not gonna catch him. Prue: Piper, freeze him. Piper: He's too far away. Cupid: Well, someone better do something fast. (They approach some steps and Prue sits down. She astral projects.) [Cut to Drazi. Astral Prue appears in front of him.] Drazi: What? Prue: Surprise. (She tries to use her power but it doesn't work.) Uh, whoops, that didn't work. (She grabs a piece of wood and hits him. He falls to the ground. Prue astral projects back into her body.) Ah, ah. Phoebe: Are you back with us? Prue: I think so. Wow, I really gotta get a handle on that. Cupid: I don't understand. Piper: She astral projected. Phoebe: Did you get him? Prue: No, I just slowed him down but you guys go get him, hurry. (They run off while Prue sits on the step recovering from astral projecting.) God, I love this new power. [Cut to Drazi. Phoebe, Piper and Cupid run up to him. Drazi stands up.] Drazi: Hiding behind witches skirts? Piper: Stealing things that don't belong to you? (She freezes him.) Okay, go. (Phoebe throws the potion on Drazi and he unfreezes.) Drazi: What the...? (He starts melting and turns into black stuff. Prue arrives.) Prue: Did you get him? Piper: Did we? Cupid: Sure looks like it. Though, I don't know what happened to my ring. It shouldn't have been affected by what we did to Drazi. Phoebe: So that's it right? We're done? You can just move on. Cupid: In a hurry to get rid of me, Phoebe? Phoebe: Look, Cupid. I know you're just trying to help but did you ever think that I may not be ready for love right now? Cupid: No, you're more than ready. Phoebe: Don't start. Just go. Cupid: Well, I need the ring to get back. I mean, unless you can get me another one but the problem is I need it to get back to them. Prue: Wait, you're stuck here? Cupid: No, actually, you can help me get back home. One more potion, some well-chosen words from the Charmed Ones and I'm on my way. (to Phoebe) Care to help me with that potion? Phoebe: Me? Why me? Cupid: Because you're free tonight, they have dates. Piper: Hey, how'd you know... never mind, scratch that. (Prue and Piper walk off. Cupid stands there smiling at Phoebe.) Phoebe: What are you smiling at? Cupid: You. (They walk off. The black stuff on the ground turns back into Drazi.) Drazi: Well, it looks like you can't kill love after all. But you sure can screw with it. [Scene: P3. Dan, Piper, Prue and Jack are at the bar. Prue's looking at Piper's necklace.] Prue: Very nice. So you like it? Piper: I love it. Dan: Well, thank your sister. She helped me pick it out. Prue: Hey. Okay, guilty. Piper: Well, thank you both and (to Dan) I'll thank you again later. Jack: Wow, if that's all it takes, when can I buy one? (Dan and Piper laugh.) Prue: Okay. (She walks away.) Jack: You know what? Why don't we find a table and get some food. [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Phoebe and Cupid are making the potion.] Phoebe: So this will send you back? Cupid: When I drink this, you and your sisters say the magic words and I'm gone. Phoebe: I can not believe I am stuck here doing the grunt work while they're... Cupid: Twisting the night away? Don't blame them. Phoebe: No, I'm not blaming anybody. It's just... I'm here... Cupid: Stuck with me. Phoebe: Um, I'm sorry, but did you do something specific to tick Drazi off? Or did he also find your honesty to be a complete and total pain in the ass? Cupid: Drazi fell in love with a mortal woman. I redirected her love towards a mortal man away from Drazi. She's married now, very happy. But Drazi blames me for denying him love. (Phoebe starts stirring some stuff in a bowl really fast.) A hundred slow strokes there. Phoebe: So are you telling me that demons love? Cupid: Uh huh. Frightening stuff. Love of evil, love of fear, sometimes love are the very things they hate. In this case a human being. You know, if a demon can open his heart, there's hope in you too, Phoebe. Phoebe: Okay, you know, my heart is not closed. Okay, it's open, just not to everybody. Cupid: Your heart is closed. Phoebe: I'm picky. Cupid: No, you're terrified. Phoebe: Of what? What am I terrified of? Cupid: You tell me. Phoebe: I don't want to play this game. Cupid: Well, then at least stir correctly. (He stands behind her, puts his arms around her and stirs the stuff in the bowl.) Like that. Phoebe: So, how does this work? Cupid: It's a travel potion with an aphrodisiac. Phoebe: Really? An aphrodisiac? Cupid: Lavender, oysters, rosemary and chocolate and basic caris compound. The key ingredient is desire. Phoebe: Desire? Cupid: Desire to go home. 'Cos home... Phoebe: Is where your heart is. Cupid: Are you afraid of loss? Phoebe: No, I swear if you barf up, it's better to have loved and loss than never to have loved at all, I might just have to... (She smells the potion.) Mmm, it smells really good. Cupid: So tell me, what has not loving gotten you? Phoebe: It's kept me safe. Cupid: Safe from what? Phoebe: From people leaving. Cupid: Your mother? Phoebe: Yeah. Cupid: And your father? Phoebe: And you. Cupid: Are you falling for me? (She walks away from him.) Phoebe: No, I am not falling for you, thank you very much. Cupid: Ladies and gentleman, Phoebe Halliwell - running away from love. Phoebe: You are, Cupid. You're the one that's leaving me. Cupid: Look, Phoebe, what I am is the potential for true love. That's all. Because once you've let love in, it'll never leave. Don't confuse the message with the messenger, Phoebe. It's what you're always done. See, messengers make mistakes, they get lost, they run away, they even die. But the message, open your heart, it comes from life itself. Hear it. For my sake and yours. [Scene: P3. Prue, Piper, Jack and Dan are sitting at a table.] Jack: Having an in with the owners of one of the hottest clubs in town does have its benefits. Dan: Free chicken wings. Jack: Name one. Piper: In pleasure of our company. Dan: And to name two more. Piper: Thank you. (Dan kisses her forehead.) Prue: Bathroom break. Piper. Piper: Alright, yes ma'am. See you boys in a minute. Jack: Alright. [Cut to outside the bathroom. Piper and Prue arrive there.] Prue: God, I have to pee. (Prue looks at Piper's necklace.) You're okay with that aren't you? Piper: Okay with what? Prue: This. I don't really want you mad at me. Piper: Why would I be mad at you? Prue: Because I let Dan buy it for you. Piper: No, Prue, it's okay. It's great. Prue: And you don't wish that it came from Leo? Piper: No, I don't. Really. Prue: I feel strange. Piper: What do you mean? Prue: Well, I mean we have these guys out there waiting for us, who care about us. Correct me if I'm wrong but things are going pretty well right now, right? Piper: Yeah, nothing like a night on the town after a hard day of demon killing. Prue: Yeah, I'm serious. I mean, you know, think about it. I mean, we did great today and now tonight it's like we're just... Piper: Finding a balance in our lives? Prue: Exactly. Piper: I do feel pretty good. Prue: Yeah, I think we're gonna be okay. Piper: Except there's still our little secret. Prue: Oh, Piper, everybody has little secrets including Jack and Dan. Piper: Yeah, unless they're transvestite, Nazi, war criminals with great face lifts, then I think we've got them beat. Prue: Okay, so we're never gonna have normal lives. Piper: Not ever. Prue: That doesn't mean we can't try sometimes. Piper: With someone like Dan perhaps? Prue: With whoever, sweet girl, I just want you loved. Piper: Thanks. Prue: You're welcome. (Someone comes out of the bathroom.) Piper: About time. (They run inside.) [Cut back to Jack and Dan.] Jack: Dan, I will never understand the tandem pit stop thing that women do. Dan: Yeah. Hey, Jack, speaking of mysteries... Jack: Yeah. Dan: You know, Piper has this strange habit of sometimes just sort of... Jack: Vanishing? Dan: Yeah! Jack: Prue does it too. Dan: I figured that. Does it bug you? Jack: A little, but I'm not gonna give her the third degree about it. Dan: No, it's like time just stands still for seconds and when it starts up again she's like a total different person. Jack: Ask her about it. Dan: I know, I have. She gives me the run around. Jack: Then don't ask. (Phoebe and Cupid arrive.) Phoebe: Hey guys, are Prue and Piper around? Jack: Yeah, they're in the ladies room. (to Cupid) Excuse me, have we met? Dan: Yeah, you look really familiar. Cupid: I've been around. Phoebe: Yeah, okay, come on. (Phoebe and Cupid walk away.) Dan: And see that's another thing. There are strange people that always show up at their place. They pop in, they pop out. Who the hell are they? (You see Drazi enter P3.) Jack: It sounds like someone is falling in love. Dan: Yeah, maybe. (Drazi sees Jack and Dan and the ring glows.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3. Prue and Piper walk out of the bathroom. They see Cupid and Phoebe.] Phoebe: Hey. Prue: Hey yourself. Piper: Cupid. Cupid: Evening ladies. I trust everything's going well? Piper: Very well. Cupid: Prue? Prue: Well, it's a little early to tell but all the signs are pointing to maybe. Piper: Did you get everything we need to send him home? Phoebe: Uh, yeah. He drinks this... (she holds up a bottle) while we say this... (she holds up a piece of paper) and he's gone. Any idea where you wanna do this? Piper: In there. The stock room. Prue: Um, is this gonna take very long 'cos you know? Phoebe: Go tell your boys you'll be back in a few minutes. Piper: Okay. Phoebe: And don't dawdle. (Prue and Piper run out to Jack and Dan.) Cupid: Ain't love grand? [Cut to Jack and Dan. Prue and Piper walk up to them and sit down.] Dan: Welcome back. I was starting to get a little worried there. (Drazi walks over to them.) Drazi: Dan, Piper still loves Leo. Always has, always will. You are nothing more than geographically undesirable. After all, a girl can't get much closer than the stud next door. Jack, Jack, Jack. Does the term transmission man meaning anything to you? You are everything she always knew she never wanted. And now for you, Piper. [Cut back to Phoebe and Cupid. Cupid grabs his chest in pain.] Phoebe: What's the matter? Cupid: I can't believe it. Phoebe: Is it Drazi? Cupid: He's alive. [Cut back to the others. Drazi walks away.] Dan: You know, why don't you just admit it. You're using me to make Leo jealous, aren't you? Piper: Oh, can you just leave him out of this? (Phoebe sees them fighting.) Dan: I'd love to. What about you? Jack: Rebound guy? Is that it? What makes you think I'm gonna take this crap? Prue: What, you think I'm just gonna jump in the sack with you on the second date? Why don't you just drop dead. Piper: I can't believe you're still threatened by him. Dan: You think I'm an idiot? You think I don't know? Phoebe: Uh, you guys. Jack, Dan, Piper, Prue: Shut up! Prue: Fine. Why don't we just end it? Jack: You know what? Fine. Dan: We are dating aren't we? Piper: No, we're not. Not anymore. And you can have that back. (She pulls off the necklace and throws it at him.) Dan: I'm sure Leo can replace it with something that means more anyway. Piper: Probably. Prue: I'm just glad that nothing ever happened. Jack: Yeah, well, you and me both. Prue: Yeah, well, I'm really glad. I mean, I learnt a valuable lesson. Never go out with a jerk. Jack: Thanks for the evening Prue. Prue: Alright, bye. (They start leaving.) Phoebe: Whoa, whoa, wait. Cupid: It's not them, Phoebe. They're caught in Drazi's spell. Phoebe: If he did this, why didn't you sense him? Cupid: Because I thought he was dead. (Prue and Piper turn back around.) Prue: (to Cupid) You're still here? Piper: You know what? None of this would have happened if you would've just left us alone. Now get out. Get out of my club. (Cupid starts to leave.) Phoebe: Where are you going? Cupid: There's nothing I can do. They're trapped. Prue: Oh, we are not trapped. For the first time in my life I see things how they really are. Now whoever you are, whatever you're selling, just get out. Phoebe: No, no. Listen to me. You guys are under a spell. Okay, this is not you. Listen to me. Piper: If you're with him, why don't you go too? Phoebe: What? (Prue and Piper walk away.) No, you guys. (to Cupid) We vanquished Drazi. How is this happening? Cupid: The ring must have saved him. Phoebe: What, so he's invincible now? Cupid: Maybe not. Maybe if destroying the loves that I put together is killing me. Maybe the reverse is true. Patching everything up with everybody just might kill him. Phoebe: But you can't do that without the ring. Cupid: Well, I've got you. Phoebe: I'm sorry. What? Cupid: Your heart is as big and true as anyone I've ever seen, Phoebe. You'll be my ring. Phoebe: I'm flattered, I think. But I have no idea what you're talking about. Cupid: You will. Come on, we've got to start with the first couple Drazi tore apart. Phoebe: Okay. [Scene: Manor. Piper and Prue walk in the living room.] Prue: I can not believe Jack. Who the hell does he think he is? Piper: Jack? What about Dan? We're out on a date and he accuses me of being in love with someone else. Prue: Totally out of line. (They sit on the couch.) Piper: We're better off without them. Prue: Certainly not worth crying over. Piper: I have never hated someone so much in my entire life. Prue: Me either. Piper: Although I have to admit some of the things Dan said were kind of true. I do think about Leo sometimes. Prue: Jack wasn't wrong when he said I was on the rebound. Piper: Still it's all so weird. One minute the four of us are laughing and having a great time Prue: And the next we're acting like we hate each other. Uhh Piper: What? Prue: I was just thinking about Drazi. Piper: No way. He couldn't have had anything to do with this. We vanquished him. Prue: Jack's scum. Piper: So is Dan. Prue: Are you scum? Piper: No, I'm not scum. Prue: I knew you weren't. (They giggle.) [Scene: A building. Phoebe and Cupid are there. They see Cindy.] Cupid: There she is. We've got to hurry. Phoebe: But wait, I'm still not exactly sure what the plan is. Cupid: It's simple. Just talk to her. Phoebe: About what? Cupid: She's just the same as you. Her fears are your fears. Just pretend you're talking to yourself. Here she comes. Hi. Cindy: Do I know you? Cupid: No, but we know you and we know about Max. How is he? Cindy: I don't know. Look, I'm really sorry about what happened. I'm not even sure how it happened but I'm sorry. (She starts to walk away.) Phoebe: Uh, Cindy, Cindy. Look, sooner or later Max's pain will go away. But yours won't. Cindy: Excuse me? Phoebe: I mean, it hasn't yet has it? The pain of love loss deepens if you don't deal with it. Look, I know, I know what it's like, believe me. I close myself off to love too because I was afraid. But you know what? Fear and love can not live in the same house. Cupid: You're getting to her. Phoebe: It's because the people that we love eventually leave us. So, we've given up on love. Cindy: You mean love's given up on me. Phoebe: No, it hasn't. It can't Your fear of loss has lift you paralyzed. Believe me, I know. But you can change that. You can take the risk and love again. I mean, hey, they don't call it lovers leap for nothing, right? Cindy: What? Cupid: Actually, lovers leap is a reference to suicide. Phoebe: Oh. Let me rephrase that. Go to Max. Push through what ever hate or fear or doubt you think might exist between both of you. Just tell him what's in your heart. Cindy: I love him. Phoebe: Then tell him that. Now. Before it's too late. Cindy: Who are you? Phoebe: Messengers. Cindy: Thank you. (She leaves.) Cupid: I'm starting to fell better already. You were good. Phoebe: I was good wasn't I? Cupid: Yes ma'am. Phoebe: So why do I feel that was more for my sake than for Cindy's? Cupid: Because in order to let love in, you have to overcome the obstacles within yourself. Phoebe: You know, we have to go reconnect Prue and Piper's love connection before it's too late. Cupid: You know the more couples we put back together, the more Drazi's gonna come looking for me wherever I am. Phoebe: Isn't that the plan? Cupid: Yeah. I just wanted to make sure you knew what you're getting yourself into. [Scene. Hospital. A doctor is wheeling Max down the hallway in a wheelchair. Cindy comes up to him holding a bunch of flowers.] Cindy: They didn't have any roses. Max: Cindy. Cindy: I am so sorry for whatever happened today. I don't know what came over me. Max: It's okay. It doesn't matter. I didn't mean it either. None of it. Cindy: Really? Max: Really. [Cut to Drazi. He doubles over in pain.] Draze: Cupid. Do you think you can undo what I've done? You're dead. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. The doorbell rings. Piper opens the door.] Jack: This better be good. Piper: Am I supposed to know what you're talking about? Dan: Don't buy the innocent act. She pulls it all the time. Piper: I beg your pardon? Jack: Just cut to the chase, Piper. Why did you call? Piper: What? I didn't. (Jack stands at the bottom of the stairs and calls out to Prue.) Jack: Prue, I wanna talk to you. Dan: Isn't this your number? "Come to my house a.s.a.p." Piper: That's really pathetic. Paging yourself? Dan: Pathetic? Jack: Prue! Piper: I'm sorry, I meant moronic. (Prue comes down the stairs.) Dan: What? Prue: Why are you here? Jack: You called. Prue: Oh, you wish. Piper: What is going on? (Phoebe and Cupid enter.) Phoebe: Hate and it's gotta stop. I asked Jack and Dan to come over her. Piper: And what is he still doing here? Cupid: Trying to help you. Prue: No reason to hang around here, that's for sure. Phoebe: Oh, on the contrary. Everyone on the couch now. Jack: Phoebe, just mind your own business. Prue: Hey, don't talk to my sister like that. Cupid: Please. Phoebe: Okay, everyone on the couch now. Come on. [Cut to Drazi. He's in a car park. He's still in pain.] [Cut back to the manor.] Piper: Phoebe, I don't understand. Phoebe: Okay, well be quiet and you will. (Dan and Piper sit on the couch next to Prue and Jack.) Dan: (to Cupid) You don't look okay. Are you alright. Cupid: I'm having a rough day. Phoebe: But we can change that. You are all acting like you are under some kind of spell. Prue, Piper: Phoebe. Phoebe: Would you stop thinking and just feel. Look, I know that some ugly things were said tonight but you can get past that. Prue: Assuming that we want to. Phoebe: You know you want to. Cupid: Remember how you felt the first time you saw Jack? Jack: How would you know? Prue: Yeah, I hated him. Cupid: My point exactly. Opposites attract. But after a while he started to make you smile didn't he? He made you laugh. Look at him again. Remember that. (Prue and Jack look at each other and Prue smiles slightly.) Phoebe: And Piper, I watch you when you talk to Dan and I see light and warmth and hope and I know you feel that way. And Dan, you don't need someone whispering in your ear telling you not to trust Piper. Trust yourself. Dan: (to Piper) I'm not saying you have to tell me everything but when you deliberately keep secrets from me I... Piper: It's not because I want to, I told you it has nothing to do with you. Dan: But does it have anything to do with Leo? Piper: No, it has to do with you and me and what I would like us to become. Cupid: It's working. Phoebe: Where is he? Cupid: He's close. Phoebe: Okay, okay, here's the plan. Jack, Dan, you go down to the corner market and get whatever you want. If the food of love is Cheetos and soda, then play on. Um, can you pick up a couple of frozen pizzas? Jack: (sarcastic) So you can talk. Phoebe: Yes, that's very good, Jack. Very good, you're quick. Dan: I'll drive. Phoebe: Yeah, okay, take your time. Bye, bye. (Jack and Dan leave.) Prue: Hey, what the hell is going on? Phoebe: Okay, think you guys. Do you remember Drazi? Well, he's still alive and if Cupid's right, he's on his way here as we speak. Whatever bad feelings you had for Dan and Jack, Drazi did it. He's twisted your relationships with hate. Piper: So what do we do now? Phoebe: Exactly what you're doing right now. You let Dan and Jack into your hearts. Prue: Okay, hold on. I don't love Jack. Cupid: No, but you like him a lot. And it's helped you open to love. (Drazi walks around the corner and grabs Cupid.) Drazi: Hello, lover boy. (Drazi reaches in Cupid's chest and grabs his heart.) I should of finished you off the first time. (Piper freezes them.) Piper: Okay, so much for loving him to death. What do we do with him now? Phoebe: Same thing, only different. Prue: Been there, blew that. Phoebe: Yeah, the only difference is the ring won't be protecting him... (she takes the ring off Drazi's finger) it will be protecting him. (She puts the ring on Cupid's finger.) Piper: How can you be sure? Phoebe: I can't. (She grabs a bowl full of the potion off the table.) But love is a risk. If he's taught me anything it's that. (She throws the potion on Drazi and they unfreeze.) Drazi: No, no. No, not again! (He starts melting and he turns into black stuff and disappears.) Piper: Is he gone this time? Cupid: Yeah, he's definitely gone. Piper: How do you know? Cupid: Because I've never felt better. (to Phoebe) I knew you could do it. And now I have to go. Phoebe: I know. Cupid: I won't be far. Don't mourn me, Phoebe. Remember me, celebrate me and seek me out. (He kisses Phoebe and disappears.) Phoebe: Now that boy can kiss. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside the movie theatre. Jack, Dan, Prue and Piper are there. They just saw "The Dirty Dozen".] Dan: You gotta remember though the mission was successful. Bronson made it home. Jack: Just in time to make death wish. Prue: Oh, no. Jack: You'll love it, I promise. (Phoebe's walking behind them. Kevin walks up to Phoebe.) Kevin: Sorry, Phoebe. I almost forgot to get our parking validated. Phoebe: No problem, Kevin. Kevin: Hey, I just wanted to say I'm really sorry that I cancelled on you the other day. Phoebe: Love means never having to say you're sorry. Kevin: What? Phoebe: It's nothing. We saw "Love Story" here the other night and... never mind. Kevin: I love that movie. Phoebe: Really? Kevin: Yeah. Phoebe: Me too... now. (They catch up to the others who is waiting for them.) Prue: Hi. Phoebe: Hello. Jack: Let's grab some coffee. I am buying.

When Cupid has his magic ring of love stolen by Drazi, the demon of hate, he turns to Phoebe for help in getting it back. However, when Drazi uses the ring to get Piper and Dan, Prue and Jack, and other couples to break up to destroy Cupid, Phoebe needs Prue to use her new power of astral projection to vanquish Drazi for good and get Cupid his ring back. To show his thanks before leaving town, Cupid gives Phoebe a parting kiss.

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[PREVIOUSLY_ON] IAN: What the hell? I knew you guys couldn't be complete dorks. CLAY: Complete dorks and officially your agents. NATHAN: You got a bathroom in this place? IAN: There's one in the back of the house passed the kitchen. BROOKE: Julian! CHLOE: I want two people who are gonna love this baby, and that's the reason why I want you guys to be the parents. BROOKE: Well, since we don't know the s*x, I like yellow. Julian likes green. JULIAN: She just changed her mind, Brooke. She held her in her arms, and she just couldn't go through with it. HALEY: Quinn? It's time. NATHAN: It's a girl. QUINN: Yay! HALEY: This is Lydia Bob Scott. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley puts Lydia in her crib. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke arranges the businesses of the baby. KELLERMAN'S HOUSE Nathan, Julian and Clay looks at car which is the garage. NATHAN: Was that the car from the bridge that night? FLASHBACK, GABEL BRIDGE JULIAN: No, stop! Stop! Stop! BROOKE: Julian! JULIAN: No, Brooke! CLAY'S CAR Julian is with Clay. JULIAN: What the hell is wrong with people? How do you just drive away from an accident like that? CLAY: Nate said he found an empty bottle of Phidian's in the front seat. JULIAN: Bourbon? No wonder his son's a douche bag. This guy is an educator, a teacher who talks about ethics in business every day, and he just gets drunk, nearly kills Jamie and my wife, and just drives away. Ugh! Brooke nearly drowned that night, and he just leaves her there and gets away with it. CLAY: Not for long. Hey, by the way, I'm sorry about the baby and the adoption. How's Brooke doing? JULIAN: She's devastated. You know, she's trying, but she's a mess. CLAY: Well, for what it's worth, she didn't die on that bridge. You know, she's alive. You two have each other. And take it from me that's a hell of a lot to have. Kellerman's class is about to start. KELLERMAN'S CLASS The class is starting. August sees Jamie in a seat. AUGUST: Good morning. Take your seats. Stop talking, and let's begin. Well, it seems my class gets younger every day. You must have done exceedingly well on your advanced placement exams. What's your name, son? JAMIE: Jamie Scott. AUGUST: Jamie Scott. Of course. And your father is... JAMIE: Nathan Scott. He's sitting right there. AUGUST: Mr. Scott. Is it because you couldn't afford a sitter, or did you bring your son to match wits with me, like your so-called business partner, who, frankly, looked to be about the same age? NATHAN: Nothing like that. He just wanted to see you again. AUGUST; But I don't believe we've met. NATHAN: You have, briefly. We ran into each other the night of the big storm. Well, actually, you ran into Jamie. You were in your Wagoneer. AUGUST: You're sure it was the night of the storm? NATHAN: Absolutely. You were in your Wagoneer, and you were with your friend, Mr. Phidian. And you were in a hurry, so we really didn't get a chance to talk. AUGUST: Well, we should do that perhaps after class in my office. NATHAN: We know where to find you. Come on, Jamie. We're holding up class. (Nathan and Jamie leave) AUGUST: You know... You won't get another today. Go enjoy it. Class dismissed. STUDENTS: Whoo! ONE TREE HILL - OPEN CREDITS RED BEDRROM RECORDS Quinn sees a microphone and starts to sing "Eye of the tiger". QUINN: "It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight risin' up to the challenge of our rivals and the last-known survivor stalks his prey in the night and he's watching us all in the ey-y-e" (She sees Alex) QUINN: Of the tiger. Hey. CLUB TRIC Millie asks to Mouth to find a new topic for the new show. MOUTH: Drugs -- more specifically, drug stores. MILLICENT: I do a story on drug stores? What's the angle? MOUTH: The angle is how drug stores are the new coffeehouses. Remember when there was a new coffee shop on every block? Well, now it's drug stores. They're everywhere. It's like caffeine used to be the drug of choice, but now people are skipping the coffee and going right for the actual drugs. MILLICENT: They could wash it down with the coffee. What else you got? MOUTH: How 'bout the airlines? We keep bailing them out with more money, and they keep sucking. You could do an expose on the worst airline on the planet. They have those planes that don't ever leave the airport. MILLICENT: I should probably keep it more general than that. MOUTH: Okay, so talk about how the airlines charge for everything now snacks, bags, that ratty scrap of disease they call a blanket. MILLICENT: Not bad. MOUTH: And they lie. They're such liars. They know when your flight's gonna be three hours late, but instead of telling you, they say your flight's on time. Then they change the status every 20 minutes to give you 9 times' worth of false hope, as if that somehow makes it not as bad. Oh, how 'bout when they tell you to turn off your phone for safety reasons? If the safety of the plane could be affected by cellphones, do you really think they'd let you bring them on board? MILLICENT: I never thought of that. MOUTH: In this day and age, considering all their restrictions, we're really gonna trust first-time-flyer Carl back in 14C to turn off his cellphone so we can all land safely? I mean, considering he boarded with the wrong group, reeks of cologne, and laughs out loud at his own jokes, that's the guy we're gonna trust to do the right thing? MILLICENT: You're kind of angry, Marvin McFadden. MOUTH: About flying? Yeah, a little. Some idiot tries to light a bomb with his stinking sweaty feet, and now I got to take my shoes off to walk through the foot rot of a million travelers every time I fly. They should have sentenced that guy to stand near the security check at every major airport, and we should get unlimited kicks. MILLICENT: My baby is cranky. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley tries to deaden Lydia. Jamie comes in. HALEY: Who's a fussy baby? Who's a fussy baby? No, there's no reason to fuss. No, there's no reason to fuss, baby. Oh. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. JAMIE: Mom, Chester's a little upset with you. HALEY: Oh, boy, a baby, and a bunny. Well, the cute factor's high. Why is Chester upset? JAMIE: Well, I kind of told him that Lydia's middle name was Bob after of grandma's cat, and he was a little hurt by it. HALEY: Oh. Gee, I'm sorry. Well, he does have a good point. Lydia Chester Scott -- I don't know. It doesn't quite have the right ring to it, does it? Does it? JAMIE: I guess. But if I ever have a kid...Their middle name's gonna be Chester. HALEY: I suppose that's fair. So, what do you got going on today, kiddo? JAMIE: Not much. Dad's gonna take me to the Rivercourt every day this week as a reward. HALEY: A reward for what? JAMIE: For going to his class and messing with his teacher. HALEY: August Kellerman? JAMIE: Yeah, I think that's him. He has the bulldog, right? HALEY: Yeah, Dogust. JAMIE: I wonder if his son's middle name is Dogust. She's pretty awesome, mom. HALEY: Yeah. I think so, too. RED BEDROOM RECORDS Alex imitates Quinn. ALEX: "It's the eye of the tiger, it's the cream of the fight rising up to the challenge of our rivals" QUINN: Very funny. By the way, it's "thrill," not "cream." ALEX: Oh, I thought it was "cream." QUINN: Why would it be "cream of the fight"? ALEX: Good point. "Thrill" is better. QUINN: What are you doing here, anyway? ALEX: I was just gonna ask you the same thing. QUINN: Well, Haley asked me to help out for a couple of weeks since Lydia was born, which happens to be very good news for you. ALEX: Why? Because I get free studio time? QUINN: No. How many songs do you have? ALEX: Uh, I don't know. A bunch. QUINN: Good. How would you like to open for Olin & The Moon? ALEX: Oh, my God! Are you kidding me?! Yes, absolutely! QUINN: Perfect. It'll be this weekend. ALEX: This weekend? QUINN: Yeah. ALEX: I'm opening? QUINN: Mm-hmm. ALEX: For Olin & The... who? QUINN: The moon, yes. I hope. ALEX: Wait. No, no, no, no, no. Why you hope so? QUINN: Well, I mean, I have you. I just have to get Olin & The Moon. ALEX: Damn it. QUINN: No. No "damn it." Besides... I know something you don't. KELLERMAN'S OFFICE Nathan has a conversation with August. AUGUST: Whatever you think you know, you've made a mistake. NATHAN: I saw the car in your garage. AUGUST: First of all, my home and my vehicle are my own business. Beyond that, I had an accident. So what? So what? NATHAN: So you nearly killed my son and a good friend. AUGUST: You're wrong. I swerved to miss some deer, and I hit a light pole. NATHAN: You hit a car, Kellerman, on the Gabel Bridge, and then you drove away and left two people drowning in the river when the levee broke. AUGUST: I didn't... NATHAN: You didn't what? You didn't do it, or you don't remember doing it, considering the empty bottle of bourbon I found underneath your front seat? AUGUST: You're making a mistake. NATHAN: Okay. Okay. So, you had an accident the night of the big storm, you smashed the front of your late-model maroon Grand Wagoneer, and then you drove away without anybody seeing. Meanwhile, a different late-model maroon Grand Wagoneer crashed into my son's car on the same night at around the same time, and then also drove away. And the eyewitness is mistaken. AUGUST: I have nothing else to say to you. NATHAN: Well, I have something to say to you. My son was trapped inside that car. He was scared, and he was alone, and you left him there. His godmother nearly died that night in front of his eyes. And you could have helped them, but instead, you slipped into the shadows like a coward. Well, I'm about to shine a light into those shadows because I know what you did, and you know what you did. And this is going to be made right by you or by me. You think about that. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke is sad for she couldn't have the baby. JULIAN: Brooke, it's okay. BROOKE: I know. JULIAN: I don't want you to worry about this stuff. I'm gonna paint the wall, and we're gonna send these things back, and we're gonna be just fine. BROOKE: I know. I'm all right. I can do it. JULIAN: Hey. It's gonna be okay. NALEY'S HOUSE Quinn sings a song for Lydia. QUINN: "Mahna mahna, doo doo-doo doo-doo mahna mahna, doo doo-doo-doo mahna mahna, doo-doo doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo Dee Dee-Dee-Dee Dee-Dee-Dee mahna-mah, mahna mah ma mahna mahna mahna mah mahna mah. » (Haley comes in) QUINN: Hey! HALEY: Okay. Let's take the baby from insane Aunt Quinn. QUINN: Oh, she likes her Aunt Quinn. HALEY: Oh. Come here. Come here, baby. QUINN: Besides, insane Aunt Quinn just booked Olin & The Moon to play Tric this weekend. HALEY: Oh. Get out of here. QUINN: Yeah. HALEY: No, let's get out of here. She needs to sleep. QUINN: Yeah. Yeah. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke and Julian are ready to paint the room. Phone rings. JULIAN: You want it? BROOKE: Depends. Who is it? JULIAN: It's... Clothes Over Bros. BROOKE: Hello? CLUB TRIC Alex joins Chase in the Tric. ALEX: Hello. CHASE: Hey, is that world-famous actress Alex Dupré or world-famous singer Alex Dupré? ALEX: Not world-famous yet, but someday. So, check it out. CHASE: Well, well. How much more handsome do I look? ALEX: Same, which is very. Just thought you might want to see the baby steps. CHASE: Very badass. How we doing on the booze and boys front? ALEX: Well, I don't know how you're doing with booze and boys, considering you gave my job to mouth after he tied a cherry stem with his tongue. But I'm doing quite well, actually. CHASE: You are. You're doing great. I'm proud of you for it. ALEX: Baby steps. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley plays with Lydia. COFFEE BAR Victoria joins Brooke in the coffee. VICTORIA: Hi, honey. BROOKE: Hi. VICTORIA: So, how are you? BROOKE: Clothes Over Bros offered me a job. VICTORIA: Well, it's about time. Let me guess -- the line doesn't work without the talented girl who spins the straw into gold. BROOKE: I suppose. VICTORIA: Vice President? BROOKE: How'd you know? VICTORIA: It's what I would have done. Then they get your taste and your talent, and the higher-ups don't get their egos bruised. How's the money? BROOKE: It's good. Maybe it's better than good. I get all influence creatively, and they still own my apartment in New York. VICTORIA: You'd come back to New York, full time? How does Julian feel about New York? BROOKE: He wants to go. We both do. VICTORIA: I'm sorry about the adoption. BROOKE: Me too. VICTORIA: But if the money is better than good, you'd be crazy not to take it. BROOKE: Do you think so? VICTORIA: It's New York. It's lucrative. It's what you love to do. And it's your baby. RIVERCOURT Nathan and Jamie come to play basketball. JAMIE: So, dad, today, I thought we could play a game with Lydia. NATHAN: Yeah. Then, maybe after, we can work on your left hand. JAMIE: Hey, where'd the baskets go? NATHAN: "Future home of: The River View Condominiums." JAMIE: What does that mean for the Rivercourt? NATHAN: There won't be a Rivercourt. (Nathan calls Mouth) NATHAN(at phone): Hey, Mouth, do you know about the Rivercourt? Yeah, there's a sign up here that says they're turning it into condos something called the River View Condominiums. Yeah. Hey, uh...I'm gonna have to call you back. Okay. See you. August comes in and wants to talks with Nathan. AUGUST: Just the man I wanted to see. JAMIE: I believe I owe you an apology. AUGUST: It's okay. That's gracious of you, Jamie, but it's certainly not okay. Do you mind if I speak to your father for a minute? JAMIE: Well, we can't play anyway. NATHAN: Jamie, why don't you go ahead and wait in the car for a minute, okay? JAMIE: Okay. NATHAN: Thanks, buddy. JAMIE: Hey, Professor Kellerman, can your dog actually ride a skateboard? AUGUST: He can. JAMIE: Cool. AUGUST: I've been "Professor Kellerman" for nearly 30 years. I'm a senior academic with tenure. Do you know what that means? NATHAN: It means they can't fire you. AUGUST: It means they can't fire you without cause, usually stemming from severe misconduct. You mind if we sit? NATHAN: I'd rather stand. AUGUST: I'll sit. Academic tenure is primarily intended to guarantee the right of academic freedom. It protects teachers when they dissent from prevailing opinion, openly disagree with authorities, or spend time on unfashionable topics. It does not, however, allow you to drive drunk and flee the scene of an accident, which is what I did. I was having a dinner in Raleigh, and I-I didn't want to wait out the storm. NATHAN: So you drove home drunk, with an open bottle of Phidian's in the car. AUGUST: And that was wrong. So, as of today, I'm no longer Professor Kellerman. I've resigned my position. And I'll pay for any damages to the vehicle, hospital bills -- all of it. I'd appreciate that the authorities not be involved, but I'll understand if you feel it's necessary. And one more thing. I'm sorry. It's a good system, tenure... Except when teachers fail to use their freedom for the common good. Condos. It's a shame. Parks are important to a community, for families, fathers and sons. It's a shame. CLUB TRIC/NALEY'S HOUSE Haley can see the Tric by the TV. QUINN: Hey-y-y...testing. Testing. Hales? HALEY: Awesome! There you are. QUINN: See, this way, you can be here for the show and be home with Lydia, too. HALEY: That's so cool. Thank you. You look like you're on TV. QUINN: I've always wanted to be on TV. HALEY: Well, sing or dance or entertain me or something. QUINN: Um... "It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight not the cream to the challenge of our rivals and the last-known survivor stalks his prey in the night" (The band come in) HALEY: Quinny, uh... QUINN: "And he's watching us all with the eye". Um... Hey. BAR COFFEE Ian joins Nathan and Clay. IAN: Hey. NATHAN: Hey. CLAY: Thanks for coming. IAN: First off, congrats on the baby. Very strong. Tell her to come and see me in about 17 years. NATHAN: Wow. IAN: Second, uh...I don't know what to say. My dad is, um... Well, as you know, we're not very close, and, um...I just hope that what happened doesn't affect us you know, the three of us. CLAY: We represent you, Ian. We don't represent your father. IAN: Well, I appreciate that. I mean, the truth of the matter is, I feel bad for the old man, but at the same time, I got a showcase coming up. NATHAN: And that's what you should be focused on. That's why we wanted to talk to you today. That workout's a big deal. CLAY: Yeah, there's gonna be some big-time scouts there. Now, you just need to do what you do and just close the rest of it out. NATHAN: It's like you told me that night on the mound he cannot touch you out there. You throw the ball, you strike them out, and that's it. We'll do the rest. IAN: Okay. But before that, we need to get some drinks celebrate that baby. CLAY: What are you guys doing tonight? I'm going to Tric. Olin & The Moon, Alex Dupré. If you guys want to roll through, I can put you on the list. NATHAN: I'm gonna try to make it. It'll probably be a late night, though. IAN: Perfect. I'm gonna get a workout in, and, um, I want to avoid Alex Dupré. I was kind of working that, but she totally blew me off. CLAY: Smart girl. NATHAN: All right, I got to go. Clay, I will see you tonight if you can get in. Ian, why don't you ask Clay why Alex Dupré knows he can see the ocean from his bedroom? I've never asked him. IAN: So? CLAY: Uh... I'm thinking pancakes. NALEY'S HOUSE Brooke has come to see Lydia and talks about her new offer. HALEY: I can't believe they're gonna tear down the Rivercourt. It's gonna be so weird not to have it here.bIt's sad. Like...Reminds me that we're not who we used to be anymore. BROOKE: I got an offer to go to New York. HALEY: What? BROOKE: A job offer to move to New York and design. HALEY: For who? BROOKE: Clothes Over Bros. HALEY: Is that something that you'd consider? BROOKE: Victoria thinks I should. Maybe it's good that the Rivercourt will be gone. When we see it, it just reminds us of what's gone of who we thought we'd be someday. RIVERCOURT Skills, Mouth and Millie discover the new project. SKILLS: "Future home of: River View Condominiums"? Former home of a river view condominiums sign. MOUTH: I can't believe it. We've spent most of our lives out here. SKILLS: Yeah, every night and I mean every night. MOUTH: We called every game here me and...Jimmy. MILLICENT: Maybe there's something we can do find out if it's definitely happening and how soon. SKILLS: A lot of living done right here, bro the end of an era. CLUB TRIC Chase joins Alex in her loge. CHASE: How you doing, devilish? ALEX: I need a drink... And a boy. I need a drink and a boy. CHASE: So much for baby steps. ALEX: Mia was right. I'm not a musician. I'm just an actress pretending to be one. CHASE: No, you're not. I've heard your songs. They're great. And so are you. Don't drink that. ALEX: Fine. Cheers. Mmm. Boy with a booze chaser. Yum. Okay. Quinn introduces Alex. QUINN: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the very beautiful and very talented Alex Dupré. Alex starts to sing. Quinn joins Chase in the bar. QUINN: She's good, huh? CHASE: Yeah. QUINN: And sexy and single. I'm just saying. NALEY'S HOUSE Jamie and Nathan plays with Lydia. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke drinks alcohol to forget her pains. GABEL BRIDGE Julian goes back in the accident place. FLASHBACK, GABEL BRIDGE Jamie and Brooke wedged in the car. JAMIE: What's happening? JULIAN: It's the levee! I got to get you out now! BROOKE: Julian... JULIAN: I can do it. BROOKE: Help him. JULIAN: I can do it. BROOKE: Julian, he's just a boy. JULIAN: I can get you out, Brooke! BROOKE: Julian, save him, and then save me. Please? He's just a boy. Go. CLINN'S HOUSE Clay has fun to play the cow-boys. RIVERCOURT Mouth ans Millie dance and Skills plays basketball around them. CLUB TRIC Alex finishes her song. NALEY'S HOUSE Julian looks at picture of the family. Nathan sees him. NATHAN: Want a beer or something? JULIAN: No, thanks. I'm good. NATHAN: So, Kellerman came to see me yesterday. He admitted that it was him. He resigned his teaching position, and he offered to pay any costs associated with the accident, and he apologized. JULIAN: He apologized?! NATHAN: I'm not defending him, Julian. I just wanted you to know what happened. He said that he was hoping we wouldn't go to the cops, but if we did, he would accept whatever happens. JULIAN: You see, this is what I'm talking about, Nate so now it's on us? So I got to feel guilty if we turn in Kellerman for getting drunk and driving like an idiot? Great! That's on me now. NATHAN: And me. What do you think? JULIAN: I don't know. What do you think? NATHAN: I think Kellerman's life was academia, and he just lost that.But if you want to turn him in, I'm completely fine with that, too. This has nothing to do with Ian or Fortitude. JULIAN: I know that, but I want to talk to him. NATHAN: Ian? JULIAN: August Kellerman. I want to look him in the eye and hear his side of things. NATHAN: I think that's fair. CLUB TRIC Quinn introduces the next group. QUINN: First off, I want to say "hi" to my sister Haley. She's home tonight but, uh, watching on her webcam. So, let's all turn around and say, "hi, Haley!" PUBLIC: Hi, Haley! Hi, Haley! Hi, Haley! Hi, Haley! HALEY(at webcam): Hi! Say "hi," Lydia. Hi! QUINN: Perfect. Now let's give a warm Tric welcome to Olin & The Moon. The group starts to perform and Clay enters in the Tric. QUINN: Hey, there you are! CLAY: Hey. I had trouble getting in. My name wasn't on the list? QUINN: What? CLAY: I'm joking. Baby, you look hot. QUINN: So do you, handsome. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Julian goes home. JULIAN: We drinking tonight? BROOKE: I'm thinking about it. JULIAN: I got a better idea. This is one of every flavor they had. They didn't have Tequila-flavored. BASEBALL FIELD Ian practices and sees his father. CLUB TRIC The group finishes their song. BASEBALL FIELD Ian talks with his father. IAN: All those games, and now you show up? AUGUST: I've made a lot of mistakes with you...And your mother and in general. I'm sorry for that. IAN: Well, "sorry" doesn't fix anything. AUGUST: They've accepted my resignation. I told them I was done, that my heart wasn't in it anymore. But if the accident goes public, I'll deal with it. Does any of this matter to you that I loved my work? IAN: Then you shouldn't have done it. I miss your mother, more every day, but I'm thankful she's not alive to see this...To see what's become of us. IAN: The scouts are gonna be here, dad. AUGUST: Good luck to you, son. KELLERMAN'S OFFICE Julian is coming to have a conversation face-to-face. JULIAN: My name is Julian Baker. My wife, Brooke, was in the car you hit. AUGUST: I'm sorry for that. JULIAN: And you think that's enough? I watched her lungs fill with water because of what you did. I watched her eyes go dim. AUGUST: I said I was sorry. JULIAN: Well, "sorry" isn't enough. You insensitive jerk, that's my wife you understand? I nearly lost my wife. Nathan nearly lost his son. Do you know what that feels like?! AUGUST: Yes, I do. I've lost both. CLUB TRIC Alex joins Chase at the bar. ALEX: Hey. CHASE: Very nice. Amazing technique and showmanship. ALEX: So you liked it? CHASE: I did. We're talking about that kiss, right? Buy you a root beer? ALEX: I'll buy you one. So, how's that whole "hanging out with the kid" thing going? CHASE: Chuck Skolnick he's a good kid when he's not smarting off or punching me in the stomach, which is most of the time. ALEX: Well, I'm sure he loves hanging out with you. I know I do. CHASE: No, no, no. You don't get to say flirty things after that badass performance up there. Haven't you heard the whole thing about a girl and a guitar? ALEX: I thought it was a guy and a guitar. CHASE: It's both. Trust me. (Cellphone beeps) ALEX: That's you. CHASE: I told Mia you were amazing tonight, and she says congratulations and she told you so. ALEX: Speaking of girls with guitars, you talk to Mia much? CHASE: Sometimes. Just friends. ALEX: Well, tell her I said thanks and hi. CHASE: Yeah? ALEX: Baby steps. Now what? CHASE: Chuck says you're hot. ALEX: Awesome. Cheers. CHASE: Cheers. RIVERCOURT Skills, Mouth and Millie are here. SKILLS: So, Millie, what's your next story gonna be about? MILLICENT: I don't know. Marvin wants me to do an expose on the worst airlines. SKILLS: Oh, that ought to be easy, considering their airplanes don't ever leave the airport. MOUTH: What if you did a piece on the Rivercourt you know, something about the people who grew up here and what it means to the community? MILLICENT: I like it. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley is with Lydia, Quinn joins them. HALEY: Hey. QUINN: So, what did you think? HALEY: We thought you did amazing. QUINN: So did you. KELLERMAN'S HOUSE August takes his staff. BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke enters in the baby's room. Julian joins her. JULIAN: Hey. I think you should take that job in New York. BROOKE: Would you be okay with that? JULIAN: I'd be great with that. Are you kidding? I think it'd be good for both of us. Getting out of Tree Hill. What do you think? BROOKE: I think you're right. I think we'd be happy in New York. CLUB TRIC Nathan, Clay and Ian take drink to celebrate Lydia's birth. IAN: So, I guess they accepted his resignation, and he's done. NATHAN: We'll drink to that. IAN: Yeah. So will I. We got to step it up, though. What's the name of that baby girl of yours? NATHAN: I told you -- Lydia. IAN: Mm, Lydia. Let's get a shot to Lydia. What's your poison? CLAY: Oh, not Tequila. IAN: You know what? I got this. Hey, Chase, come here. NATHAN: Here we go. CLAY: All right, changing subjects, it is looking very strong for your showcase. We're expecting at least a dozen teams to send scouts. NATHAN: I'll drink to that, too. CLAY: Yeah. IAN: Yes, you will. Ohh! Gentlemen... Here's to Lydia, here's to my showcase, and here's to me being rich by the time I'm as old as you guys are. NATHAN: Cheers. Uh, hold up. What are we drinking? CHASE: It's bourbon. IAN: It's not just bourbon. It's Phidian's. It's all I drink. FLASHBACK Nathan understand Ian was the person who hit Brooke and Jamie. NATHAN(voice-over): You hit a car, Kellerman, on the Gabel Bridge. AUGUST(voice-over): Whatever you think you know, you've made a mistake. If the accident goes public, I'll deal with it. Good luck to you, son. CLUB TRIC IAN: To me. AUGUST(voice-over): Fathers and sons. It's a shame. End of the episode.

Whilst Haley cares for their new daughter, Lydia, Nathan confronts Professor Kellerman (guest star Peter Riegert) about the accident. Meanwhile Quinn organizes a concert at Tric and Brooke gets an offer to return to Clothes Over Bro's as vice president. Skills and Mouth help Millie think of a story for her to cover and focus on the river court which is about to be destroyed. This episode is named after a song by The Belle Brigade . Opening theme song performed by Lucero .

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(Open: Booth's apartment. There is a rapid knocking at the door. Booth is asleep in bed) BOOTH: Yeah. Aww (he groans as he awakes and stumbles out of bed). (knocking continues) BRENNAN: Booth? BOOTH: Yeah. Unhh. (He cracks his toes, then gets out of bed, pulling on his robe, still making groaning noises. He cracks his back as he heads into the bathroom. Still sighing and pulling on his robe, he looks at himself, bleary-eyed, in the mirror. He continues walking, cracking his neck, and his back again, then his fingers). Oof. (more knocking) BRENNAN: Booth? Are you there? (Booth is still walking towards his front door) BOOTH: No, I'm in South Beach, working on my tan (he opens the door, still grunting and groaning. Brennan is standing there, enthusiastic and eager to get going). BRENNAN: You need Sweets to sign your post-Afghanistan fitness for duty report. Did you forget? BOOTH: Me? (He turns to go back into the apartment) BRENNAN: Well, generally, you wear more clothing, and you've been avoiding this for weeks (she shuts the front door). BOOTH: Well, I couldn't sleep. Hannah got up at the crack of dawn (he continues walking, cracking more joints as he goes). Ooh. BRENNAN: Do you always have this pronounced a release of gas in the morning? BOOTH: (turns to face Brennan) Is it that bad? BRENNAN: Synovial gas, that's what the cracking is. BOOTH: Synovial gas, what's that mean? BRENNAN: well, there comes a point when your body can't hide all the abuse it's taken. BOOTH: What do you, what do you mean a certain point? BRENNAN: Booth, you've been shot, and beaten, and jumped out of airplanes. The skeletal damage alone... BOOTH (groans and turns): Oh God, I'm falling apart. BRENNAN: You're fine. It's your skeleton that's falling apart. (Cut to: FBI building, Booth and Brennan are rounding a corner). BRENNAN: The compression fracture to your T3 alone should have incapacitated you years ago, then there's the fracture to your sternum from when that obese girl shot you, fractures from your metatarsals from when you were tortured, rib pitting from when you foolishly tried to act as a human shield... BOOTH: Rib pitting? BRENNAN: And that's before we even get to your compromised ligaments, both intertransverse and anterior longitudinal. BOOTH: How do you have room in your brain to remember all this? BRENNAN: I care about you, Booth, and the more abuse a body takes, the sooner it degenerates. BOOTH: That's it? That's all you've got for me? (they enter the elevator) BRENNAN: Well, it can be a good thing. In tribes, men like you are elders. They don't have to hunt anymore. BOOTH: Well, I want to go hunting. BRENNAN: (reaching forward to press the button) Well, perhaps you'll feel better after you get your form signed. (Cut to: Sweets' office, sounds of giggling are heard. Booth and Brennan have stunned looks on their faces as they behold two pairs of feet hanging off the edge of the couch) DAISY: Oh I will! (giggling) BRENNAN: Oh! SWEETS: Agent Booth! DAISY: (pops up over the back of the couch, arms clutched to her chest for modesty's sake) Dr. Brennan! BRENNAN: You should be at work, Ms. Wick! It is a very important day. BOOTH: (hands form to Sweets) Can you sign this? SWEETS: Are you serious? BOOTH: Sign. (He hands Sweets a pen and the form) Just sign and get back to your fun. (Sweets signs the paper) (Cut to: Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab. Brennan is walking, and Daisy is tagging behind her, trying to catch up) DAISY: Dr. Brennan, about this morning. BRENNAN: What about it? DAISY: I don't want you to think that Lance and I are dating again, because we're not. That was purely accidental intercourse. BRENNAN: You had intercourse accidentally? What were you trying to do, Ms. Wick? DAISY: I was returning a book. BRENNAN: And your pants fell off? (Workers are bringing in large artifacts on rolling tables, Cam and Angela are supervising) CAM: All of the pieces of ship without remains attached, straight to the early American workroom. Door on your right. WORKER: Where do you want this? CAM: Take it up on the platform. WORKER: Got it. (Brennan and Daisy approach and come to a stop beside Cam) CAM: Okay. (turns to Brennan) How much of this is there? BRENNAN: I have no idea. CAM: So, when you said old remains, the ship part of it just slipped your mind? BRENNAN: No, of course not. ANGELA: This is incredible. I can't believe this is an actual slave ship. Where did they find it? BRENNAN: Off the coast of Maryland. This could shed enormous light on the slave trade. CAM: Or give me nightmares. One or the other. (Hodgins enters with more parts of the ship) HODGINS: Mytilus edulis, blue mussels. Wow. Hey, they said this was for you (he hands Angela a sheaf of papers). BRENNAN: The Jeffersonian Board of Directors wants us to try and identify the remains. CAM: How? These people have been dead for nearly 150 years. ANGELA: Yeah, well this might help. It's a copy of the outgoing manifest, and it lists all the slaves they were transporting to New Orleans. There's age, and race, and degree of color. This is really detailed, in a totally horrible, disgusting, sucky kind of way. HODGINS: Slaves were considered property. They were as carefully catalogued as livestock or silverware. (Brennan grimaces and shakes her head slightly, Cam looks uneasy and tilts her head down, avoiding eye contact. Angela looks disturbed, glances at Cam and Brennan, then makes eye contact with Hodgins, who turns his gaze to the remains). (Cut to: Platform, Brennan is leaning over a set of remains, Angela is standing next to her, taking notes) BRENNAN: Male child, under ten years old. One hundred and thirty centimeters. The marine mussels compromised the bone, but the skull shows a mix of Negroid and Caucasoid characteristics, suggesting that he would be listed as mulatto. ANGELA: Got it, Pollodore Nelson. DAISY: Symphyseal rim well defined, partial ectocranial suture closure, female, forties, five feet tall. ANGELA: Ok, there's only one woman that small. (Cam is looking down at something) CAM: Over here, now. Uh, not kidding, even a little bit. Dr. Hodgins. (Daisy, Brennan and Anglea make their way over to Cam's table) HODGINS (rushes over to where Cam is): Yeah. Yeah. CAM: That. What the hell is it? HODGINS (bending down for a closer look): Wow, it's some kind of organism anchored to the bone. Interesting. CAM: Alien sea-life hitchhikes in on a slave ship and that's all you can say? Interesting? BRENNAN: Well, I think in this context, interesting is a way of acknowledging life forms beyond Dr. Hodgins' expertise. HODGINS: Temporary condition, I assure you. All right, listen up! Pull any other bones with pink slime and bring them over here. It's possible that alien is an appropriate adjective. We may be looking at NTI here. (Another squint brings over more remains and hands them to Daisy, who places them on the table) CAM: What's he talking about? BRENNAN: I have no idea. HODGINS: NTI? As in, non-terrestrial intelligence? ANGELA: Oh no. HODGINS: If alien life forms were going to exist somewhere on Earth, the ocean floor would be it. CAM: Please tell me you're kidding. BRENNAN: Judging by weight and texture, all the affected bones appear to belong to the same skeleton. (Brennan picks up the skull and observes it as the others look on). Something is very wrong. (Cut to: FBI building meeting room) BOOTH: C'mon Bones, I really gotta look at these images? BRENNAN: Yes. (She pulls up images of the x-rays) Penetrating trauma to the cribriform plate and palatine bones. BOOTH: Ok, you mean that jaggedy looking hole there? BRENNAN: Yes. The puncture would have extended upwards, into the anterior base of the brain, resulting in immediate death. This man was hooked through the mouth like a fish. (She demonstrates on Booth, by hooking her finger up against the roof of his mouth. He does not appreciate this and grabs her hand, removing it and making a face of displeasure). BOOTH: Ok, got it, thank you. Very much. I just don't know how I can help you with a murdered slave though. BRENNAN: They may have found him in a slave ship, but given the condition of his cartilage, this man died less than a month ago. And, this is murder. (Opening credits) (Cut to: Platform at the Medico-Legal Lab. Daisy is working on a skeleton, Brennan joins her) BRENNAN: Abrasions to the pisiform. It's likely this person was wearing manacles. Why are you working on remains from the slave ship when you know our recent murder victim has priority? DAISY: Because Dr. Hodgins is still trying to remove the unidentified deep sea life forms. Maybe we should discuss the murder victim's x-rays instead? (They go over to a computer, where Daisy pulls up the images) BRENNAN: Incomplete epiphyseal fusion - he was at most twenty years old. DAISY: Chipping on the zygomatic arch. Hairline fractures to the mental foramen. All heavily remodeled. Metaphyseal fractures to the left tibia and right ulna. Never properly set. BRENNAN: I've seen these before. They happen when someone has their extremities wrenched over and over again at a very young age. DAISY: Suggestive of child abuse? BRENNAN (nods slightly): We have to identify him. What is taking Dr. Hodgins so long? (Cut to Hodgins' lab area. He is peering through a magnifying lens, Angela is standing next to him.) HODGINS: We are looking at what could be a clue to the origin of life itself. ANGELA: The origin of life looks like a pink Chia pet? HODGINS: According to one theory, billions of years ago, organic molecules hitchhiked to Earth on comets that plummeted into our oceans, forming the seeds of life as we know it. ANGELA: Ok, now you've lost me. HODGINS: Look at this. Organism operates like hair follicles. Anchors its root system to the bone. ANGELA: You know, it's actually kind of attractive up close. HODGINS: Yeah, for a mucus-excreting underwater insect. ANGELA: (laughs) Well, let me scan the skull and then I can build a facial reconstruction from it. HODGINS (placing the skull on the dais for Angela to scan): Do you realize these guys could be harder to identify than a decomposed murder victim? ANGELA: How can you compare a murder victim to ocean snot that looks like something Barbie wore to the prom? HODGINS: You compared it to a Chia pet. ANGELA: Yeah well, it's not the same thing. HODGINS: You're right. Because if these guys are new, and I get to identify them, then I get to name an entire species. Angelonicus montenegris. ANGELA: Really? HODGINS: Really. (Hodgins rises, Angela chuckles, and they embrace). (Cut to: Booth's office. Sweets and Booth are having a conversation. Sweets is pacing Booth's office, Booth is sitting at his desk). SWEETS: So the dead guy got caught in a fishing net and the fishing net got caught in the slave ship? BOOTH: Yeah, the net gets lost, floats around for years - they call it a ghost net. SWEETS: Wow. Ghost net caught a ghost. That's... BOOTH: Something like that. SWEETS: That's ironic. BOOTH: 'Kay, why are you still here? SWEETS: I'm weak. I'm weak, Agent Booth. I broke up with Daisy, but I can't keep my hands off her. BOOTH: What's new? Alright, you're a guy. Life goes on. SWEETS: Yeah, that's the problem. We broke up. But it just goes on. It's, it's like she's a magnet. Should I just let it happen? (Booth reaches for something and plonks it down in front of Sweets - it is a magic 8-ball) BOOTH: Here. Pick it up. SWEETS: (picks up the magic 8-ball, shakes - the ball comes up reading "yes definitely") Yes, definitely. You think? BOOTH: I don't know, how am I supposed to know? SWEETS: Years of experience? The perspective of age? BOOTH: (groans, puts his head on his arms on his desk) Age. How is it that I went to sleep Han Solo and I woke up Obi-Wan Kenobi? SWEETS: I have no idea what you're talking about. (Booth's computer beeps) BOOTH: Oh. Looks like Angela finished the victim's facial reconstruction. (He opens the attachment) Oh! There is our ghost. (Cut to: Booth's SUV. Booth and Brennan are driving to interview a suspect. Brennan is looking through some papers) BOOTH: He wasn't on the missing person's database, but I got a hit from the FBI's facial reconstruction software. BRENNAN: Mike Casper. BOOTH: Yeah, his wife lives in uh, Calvert County. BRENNAN: He's married? BOOTH: Yeah, he's got a kid, and a dog, and a cushy aerospace job. BRENNAN: No, that's not possible. He's nineteen, twenty, twenty-one at most. BOOTH: Alright Bones, he's twenty-eight. BRENNAN: No, there's no way. Booth, you really need to double-check these things. BOOTH: Ok, look, the battle scars are to the body, not to the brain, ok? BRENNAN: You're being very touchy. BOOTH: I'm not being touchy. This is Casper's driver's license, it's the same face Angela drew, right there (he points emphatically to the paper Brennan is holding, which is of Mike Casper's DMV registration information). BRENNAN: Okay. It's possible he had cerebral palsy. That could retard bone development. BOOTH: Or, you're just wrong. (Cut to: Front door of an apartment. Booth and Brennan are still arguing) BRENNAN: I'm not wrong. (Booth rings the doorbell) BOOTH: You're wrong. BRENNAN: Not wrong. (Door opens) MRS. CASPER: Yes? BOOTH: Mrs. Casper? MRS. CASPER: Yes? BOOTH: (he pulls out his badge) Special Agent Booth, this here's my partner, Dr. Brennan. MRS. CASPER: How can I help you? BOOTH: Mind if we come in? MRS. CASPER: Um, I'm actually in the middle of something right now (she flips her hair). BOOTH: It's about your husband. BRENNAN: We believe we've found his remains off the coast of Maryland. BOOTH: Any reason to believe that he might have been on a boat recently? MRS. CASPER: Ask him yourself. (she turns to call her husband) Mike? (Mike comes to the front door) MIKE CASPER: Yeah? (Cut to: FBI interview room, Booth and Sweets are interviewing Mr. and Mrs. Casper. Booth lays down the DMV sheet in front of them.) BOOTH: Victim got a driver's license with your name and his picture, used it to charge up a fortune in credit card debt. MIKE CASPER: Yeah, I get it. The guy who got killed is the same guy who stole my ID, but it's got nothing to do with me. Not exactly a violent guy. MRS. CASPER: Mike's very easy-going. (She flips her hair again in a nervous gesture) SWEETS: This is a conversation between you and your credit card company, Mr. Casper. You know how you say they record calls for quality control? Well, turns out it's true. (He presses a button on the laptop to begin playing the recording) CUSTOMER SERVICE REP: I'm sorry sir, but because you failed to notify us within the time... MIKE CASPER: How could I tell you when I didn't know? CUSTOMER SERVICE REP: You should have contacted the credit reporting agencies. In the future, if you place a fraud alert on your credit... MIKE CASPER: You wanna know what I'm going to do in the future? I'm gonna find the scum who stole my ID and I'm gonna kill him. (end recording) MIKE CASPER: What did you expect me to say? They froze my cards, our credit was ruined. That piece of dirt cost us the house we were trying to buy. MRS. CASPER: If we need to have a lawyer... MIKE CASPER: No, we don't need a lawyer, Claire, we haven't done anything. MRS. CASPER: My husband's telling the truth, he's not a violent man. BOOTH: Eh, Sweets, tell 'em what you told me. SWEETS: According to the latest clinical data, identity theft can cause serious maladaptive psychological and somatic symptoms. MIKE CASPER: Yeah, no kidding, I haven't slept in two months. SWEETS: Those symptoms aren't limited to insomnia. MIKE CASPER: (agitated, banging on the table) The hell is that supposed to mean? SWEETS: Okay, that would be one of the maladaptive psychological symptoms. Uncontrolled rage. MIKE CASPER: How could I kill him when I didn't even know who he was? BOOTH: I noticed that you have a boat hitch on the back of your car - you got a boat? MIKE CASPER: Yeah, I fish, so what? BOOTH: You have any big hooks on that boat? MIKE CASPER: Why? BOOTH: Well, body was found about a mile off the coast - I'm thinking maybe you're doing more than just fishing on that boat? MIKE CASPER: All right, I want that lawyer. Now. (Cut to: Jeffersonian - Hodgins' lab. Daisy is standing watch over the victim's remains) DAISY: Dr. Brennan really needs these. I don't understand why you can't just pluck. (Hodgins appears from behind the shelves with a large device in hand) HODGINS: If I pluck them off one by one, it's going to take a week, Ms. Wick, so what you need to do is stop telling me how to do my job. (Hodgins bends over the remains with the device, which turns out to be a light) DAISY: I don't see how this is going to hurry things up. HODGINS: If I figure out what they are, I can figure out how to get them off. Any more questions? (He bends down, peering at the bones) DAISY: Not at this moment. HODGINS: Aha! Yes! It's a type of benthic worm! See? Progress! (Cam enters) CAM: Okay, the only way I can get DNA to ID our ID thief, is by using bone marrow, but your alien organism has sucked it dry. HODGINS: Ok, contrary to popular rumor, it is not my alien organism. Not yet, anyway. But, I have narrowed it down to a type of benthic worm. CAM: How can you not be able to ID a fluffy pink worm? How many of those could there possibly be? HODGINS: Oh, you'd be surprised. (Cut to: Royal Diner, Booth and Brennan are eating and discussing the case) BOOTH: How'm I supposed to figure out who killed him when I can't even figure out who he is. BRENNAN: All I can tell from the x-rays is he had multiple fractures that were never properly set. He also sustained repeated facial trauma between the ages of two and fourteen. BOOTH: So, child abuse? (Brennan nods in affirmation) BOOTH: He wasn't on a missing person's database, so means no-one was missing. BRENNAN: You have a very strange tendency to state the obvious. BOOTH: If you were a kid who got the crap beat out of him over and over again, what would you do? BRENNAN: You'd think about running away, or you do run away. But he wasn't a kid anymore, Booth, he was nineteen or twenty when he died. BOOTH: Doesn't mean he didn't run away before. And when a kid runs away, someone reports him missing. A school, a neighbor, someone. BRENNAN: We were looking at the wrong database. (Cut to: Angela's office, Brennan and Angela are talking. The image of the victim is blown up on the computer screen) BRENNAN: We need to reverse the cranio-facial growth patterns and run the results against the missing children's database. ANGELA: Send him back to childhood, huh? BRENNAN: Retain the cranial proportion, but reduce the jaw, narrow the neck, and raise the ears. Change the proportion of the head to one part facial mass to two and a quarter parts cranial mass. Decrease the size of the upper and lower jaw. Done. (Angela adjusts the proportions per Brennan's suggestions) ANGELA: It's hard to believe that ten years from this, he's going to be stealing IDs and getting himself killed. (she runs the image through the database and a match pops up) Ok, that's him. We found him. (Cut to: Booth's office. A TV clip is playing on the computer, and Booth and Sweets are watching) TV ANNOUNCER: Nine year old Liam is tonight's Thursday's Child. LIAM: I like all kinds of sports, but mostly basketball, even though I'm kinda short. But maybe I'll grow, right? And I'm really good at math, 'cause I like numbers. TV ANNOUNCER: If Liam can find a family, all those numbers are sure to add up to one very bright future. BOOTH: 'Kay, that sounds a little like puppy adoptions if you ask me. SWEETS: Well, when I was in the foster system, we used to think that the kids who got on Thursday's Child won the lottery, you know? One day, they're on TV, next day, big car pulls up to take them to the suburbs. Every single time. BOOTH: Yeah, well, Liam didn't get adopted, would've saved the juvie system a whole helluva lot of time if he had. Court unsealed his records because of the murder (Booth picks up and drops back down on his desk a thick set of manila files); he was busted two years ago for b&e with another foster kid by the name of Hunter Lang (he opens the file to Lang's charge sheet), we're trying to track him down now. SWEETS: Oh? Why? BOOTH: Well, Liam testified against Hunter in exchange for a suspended sentence. SWEETS: Oooh. That's not good. Rule number one, foster kids stick together. BOOTH: Huh. Well, is that the kind of thing a guy would kill for? SWEETS: Depends on the guy. I know these kids, I'll talk to 'em, let you know. (Cut to: Platform of the Medico-Legal Lab - Angela is recording information, Daisy is speaking as she approaches Angela from behind) DAISY: Has anyone else noticed this is like a giant jigsaw without the edge pieces? ANGELA: One person gets killed, and it's murder, millions get killed and it's history. DAISY: I'm trying to just think of them as bones. It's easier. Female, approximately 25. ANGELA: Right here, Hany Beaufort. (she pauses in thought) Yeah, but they're not just bones. DAISY: What does that mean? ANGELA: I'm going to need to borrow these skulls. (Cam enters the platform area) CAM: Why does no-one seem to be working on our murder victim, Ms. Wick? DAISY: Still waiting on Dr. Hodgins. (Cam sees the name tag on the skeleton and looks at the skeleton with a stunned look on her face.) ANGELA: Are you ok? CAM: I..it's nothing. Hany...was my great-grandmother's name. If you two can't stay focused on the Moloney case, we're going to have issues. ANGELA: Well, we're trying, but Hodgins is... (Hodgins enters the platform area, yelling out triumphantly and carrying a box) HODGINS: I got it! Thank you, Aquatic Nuisance Species Taskforce. A fine collection of marine biologists dedicated to making sure that if the alien ever shows up, jam it in an airlock and kiss it goodbye. (to Angela) Lost out on the name and rights, babe, but I'm a big boy, I can handle it. CAM: So happy to hear that. HODGINS: Turns out our little feathered friend is the osedax mucofloris, otherwise known as the bone-eating snot flower. ANGELA (chuckles): You've gotta be kidding. HODGINS: Not kidding. Allow me to demonstrate. (he opens the box, which contains cannoli) Voila. CAM: Oh no. HODGINS: Now, the bone-eating snot flower burrows into the bone like so (he takes a straw and blows off the wrapper, which hits Daisy in the face. He then pushes it through the shell of the cannoli): it cracks through the hard shell straight down to the fatty marrow, and then (he sucks through the straw). Now, each female has maybe a dozen dwarf males inside of her. Basically, sperm holders. (he offers around the cannoli he was eating to Daisy, Cam and Angela, all of whom have disgusted expressions on their faces) Cannoli? No? Anyone? ANGELA: No, never again, I cannot even tell you. CAM: Can you please get to the point? HODGINS: I figured out how to remove 'em (he grins, then takes a bite out of the cannoli). (Cut to: Hoover Building, Sweets' office) (Door opens - Sweets is sitting in his chair, Daisy enters) DAISY: You have to back me up with Dr. Brennan. She hasn't said anything, but I know what she's thinking. It's an emergency. SWEETS: Whoa. What am I supposed to say? DAISY: You have to explain what happened this morning. SWEETS: s*x is a normal part of the adult experience; you don't need to apologize for it. DAISY: Do you know what happened when I was little? (She takes a seat on the couch) My dad and I saw these two deer going at it on the side of a hill, and I asked him what they were doing. And he said the nice deer in back was pushing his friend up the hill. SWEETS: Seriously? DAISY (looks at Sweets expectantly): And now, we're those deer, only no-one's explaining that you were just pushing me uphill. (Sweets says nothing, but looks perplexed) DAISY: I have issues. SWEETS: I had no idea. (He rises from his chair) DAISY: You're happy we broke up, aren't you? SWEETS: (Pacing his office) Look, Dr. Brennan is not a prude; I would suggest that she doesn't even care that we had s*x, just that it was right in front of her. DAISY: That would be logical. SWEETS: Not that it would ever come up again anyways. An anomaly. (He takes a seat next to Daisy on the couch) DAISY: Totally. SWEETS: But maybe there's nothing wrong with that, if it did come up. I mean, just as long as it wasn't here. (Daisy nods) SWEETS: Seems reasonable. DAISY: Totally reasonable. (They look at each other a moment and then begin frantically making out on the couch) (Cut to: Marina. Booth, Brennan and Sweets are walking and talking) BOOTH: So the parole officer didn't have an address on Hunter Lang, but she said he works on a boat at the end of the dock called The Dandina. SWEETS: You know, it's possible he was drawn to the sea because the isolation mimics his childhood environment. BOOTH: Nah, you're overthinking this. BRENNAN: There's no such thing as overthinking. You may think incorrectly or inadequately or falsely, but the notion... BOOTH: Ok, got it. Got it. SWEETS: Ok, so since you guys both saw the "incident," I've decided to take Agent Booth's advice. Anyway, even though Daisy and I aren't dating, I've decided we can still enjoy each other's company, casually, once in a while. BRENNAN: I'm not sure why I should care. Are you planning on having s*x somewhere that I will witness it? SWEETS: I hope not. BRENNAN: Then I definitely don't care. BOOTH: I'm with her. (The trio approaches a larger boat with a sign saying "Welcome aboard the Cougar Cruise) Yeah, well, so much for that isolation theory, Mr. Expert on Foster Care. BRENNAN: Well, I've heard about these events. They're designed to facilitate intercourse between older women and younger men. BOOTH: We got that, Bones. NADIA: Hurry up, ladies, cosmos are waiting! CAPTAIN: We're ready to cast off. NADIA: Oh, ok. Time to board! BOOTH: Excuse me, we're looking for Hunter Lang. CAPTAIN: Uh, he's one of our bartenders. (to the woman) They're looking for Lang. NADIA: Oh. Jealous husband? BOOTH: FBI! NADIA: Oh. Well, can this wait? We'll be back by ten. BOOTH: Yeah, how 'bout we come with you? NADIA: Only if he comes too (pointing to Sweets). BOOTH: That was the plan. (Booth walks off to get on the boat) NADIA: Done! SWEETS: I'm sorry, what just happened there? BRENNAN: If this were the Maluku's, I'd say it was some sort of virgin offering. SWEETS: Virgin? BRENNAN: Quasi-virgin offering. (Brennan walks off, Sweets follows) (The scene changes from late afternoon to nighttime. There is a shot of the ship all lit up, Latin music is playing) (Cut to: Ship's interior. The dance floor is filled with women dancing with younger men) BRENNAN: The male guests seem to be enjoying themselves. BOOTH: Oh, c'mon, are you kidding me? Look at this kid, he's barely out of diapers. BRENNAN: Wouldn't you like to be on a boat full of nubile young women? BOOTH: No. SWEETS: The socially acceptable age difference is half plus eight. (Booth looks skeptical) C'mon, everyone knows that. BRENNAN: They do not. If everyone knew that, Booth would know that. BOOTH: Ok, so you're ok with dating somebody who's twenty? SWEETS: Sure. If she were mature. BRENNAN: That means that it would be well within the social norm for me to date a man of 24. BOOTH (gesturing to Sweets): He's 24, would you date him? BRENNAN: Well, not literally. SWEETS: I'm definitely getting the "look" here. BOOTH: The look? BRENNAN: The precursor to sexual overtures. WOMAN (approaching Sweets): Let's see what you've got. (Another woman pinches Sweets' behind) SWEETS: Oh! BOOTH (chuckling at Sweets' obvious discomfort): All right, ladies, he's got a curfew, he's gotta be back by twelve. SWEETS: You're going to leave me? BOOTH: Yeah. (Booth and Brennan walk off, leaving Sweets to be manhandled by the group of women who have surrounded him) SWEETS: Okay. Hi... BRENNAN: The atmosphere here is very festive. (She reaches for a cocktail off the tray of a passing waiter) Thank you. (Booth attempts to grab one for himself, but the waiter moves away before he has a chance) BOOTH: Oh, uh, thanks, I'm fine, no need. I'm working. BRENNAN: Anthropologically speaking... BOOTH: Yeah? BRENNAN: Women were attracted to older men because they could take care of them. The world has changed; these women can take care of themselves. BOOTH: Yeah, right, well it's just wrong, that's all, it's just wrong. BRENNAN: Why? Because it's hard on men like you, who are past their prime? BOOTH: Whuh, I'm not past my prime. BRENNAN: Prime is eighteen. BOOTH: Okay, maybe just a little. (Brennan walks off, Booth notices someone behind the bar) Hey, Bones, that's Hunter Lang. (Brennan is now conversing with a young man) BRENNAN: The posterior surface of your forearm is absolutely magnificent. GUY: Thanks. I work out. BOOTH: You can work out somewhere else, she's not interested, okay? (To Brennan) C'mon. BRENNAN: Don't be so hasty. BOOTH (laughs incredulously): Are you kidding me? Hasty? GUY: Who's the old dude? BOOTH: I'm her partner. BRENNAN: He's my partner. BOOTH: She's too old for you and too young for you, all at the same time. BRENNAN: I think what he's trying to tell you is that I haven't yet reached my sexual prime. GUY: I have. Definitely. BOOTH: Definitely. (He grabs Brennan's drink from her) Give me this, right now, 'kay? C'mon. Sweets! (He heads over to where Sweets is) We're working, put the drink down. SWEETS: I'm trying! BOOTH: Here, have this. (He hands the drink to one of the women) Lock your lips around that, sweetheart. (To Sweets) C'mon, this way. WOMAN (in the background): Want me to tuck you in? [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Ship's bar. Sweets and Booth are talking to Lang) SWEETS: I know you had it rough, Hunter. I was a foster kid too. HUNTER (smirks): Sure you were. SWEETS: How many foster homes did you live in? HUNTER: Eleven? Twelve? Who keeps track? SWEETS: I did. Four places, by the time I was six. Not something you forget. HUNTER: Yeah? What was your score? SWEETS (explaining to Booth): Supervision score. One means doesn't need supervision, five means bring out the meds and lock 'em down. (to Hunter) Makes it easy on the check cashers, huh? (to Booth again) That's what we called foster parents. (back to Hunter) I was a two. HUNTER: I was a four. Real pain in the ass. BOOTH: Great. So what was the deal with you and Liam Moloney? HUNTER: Uh, no deal, no deal. And I'm not saying that because he's dead. BOOTH: He testified against you. HUNTER: I got over it. Are we done yet? BOOTH: No. SWEETS: Kids I was placed with, we leaned on each other. If one of those kids betrayed me, that would hurt. A lot. HUNTER: Look, what Liam did, I was like, whatever, you know? We talked about it when I got out of juvie, and it's all good, no big. BOOTH: So when was the last time you saw him? HUNTER: Labor Day. Yeah, he was uh, he was working the cougars. You see, most of the guys that come here, they come for the free booze, the easy s*x, but not Liam. He was smarter than that. He used to get the extras from the old ladies, like, uh, money, gifts... BOOTH: Are you aware of an issue that happened between Liam and a guy named Mike Casper? HUNTER: No, I'm not. BOOTH: Okay, on Labor Day, did you two leave together? HUNTER: No, no, he must've bailed when I was cleaning up. Ask Nadia. She'd know. BOOTH: Why's that? HUNTER: Well, he was one of her favorites. Yeah, Liam'd always show up with a carful of cubs, Nadia would get her boy bit, and then Liam would have all the cougars he could handle. SWEETS: How many would that be? HUNTER: C'mon man. He's nineteen. Was nineteen. Look, can I get back to work here? BOOTH (to Sweets): Listen, I'm going to go find Bones, talk to Nadia, you get the rest of his information, all right? SWEETS: Yeah. (Booth walks off, a woman grabs him by the arm) WOMAN: Hello there. BOOTH (looks around, surprised): Me? WOMAN: Aren't you a scrumptious little tidbit. BOOTH: Oh, no no, okay? In case you haven't noticed, I don't really fit this demographic. WOMAN: Nuh uh, you've got it all wrong, sugar. Why would I want to be with them when I can be with you? (Booth gives a nervous smile and a slight laugh but says nothing) (Cut to: Jeffersonian, Ookey Room. Hodgins is bending over the tank, which is bubbling) HODGINS: I just needed to know what they were. Now, I know what'll eat 'em. Piranhas. (Daisy gives Hodgins a stunned look of surprise, he begins to pour the fish into the tank) DAISY: And they won't damage the bones? HODGINS: Nope! The bubbles agitate the water and encourage them to feed. DAISY: May I ask you a personal question, Dr. Hodgins? HODGINS: No. I have got a beautiful wife, a fulfilling job, and I just figured out how to remove snot flowers. I'm gonna go ahead and savor the moment here, Ms. Wick. DAISY: Wow! HODGINS (reaching into the tank): Oof! Ahh! (pulls out a bone) Ha ha! (he hands the bone to Daisy) Perfection! DAISY: That's curious. There are significant abrasions to the bone. Can I see that ulna? HODGINS: One ulna, coming right up. Ahh! (he hands the bone to Daisy) Whoo! DAISY: (She lays the bones down on a tray and bends down for a closer look) They look like kerf marks, but they don't go into the bone, they go along the bone, and the staining says they're definitely perimortem. HODGINS: (leaning in close to observe as well) Well, I'll swab 'em and see what we got. DAISY: The abrasions are everywhere, all along the anterior surface of the bones. HODGINS: You know, I know it's one of the few areas of my non-expertise, but does it look to you like somebody attacked our dead guy with a grater? (Hodgins and Daisy look at each other, both equally baffled) (Cut to: Cruise ship) (Brennan is on her phone) BRENNAN: I understand, yes. Goodbye, Ms. Wick. (Booth approaches her) BOOTH: So what'd the lab say? BRENNAN: The victim was attacked by a sharp, pierced object with multiple grooves, some kind of very large grater. BOOTH: Hmm. Before or after getting hooked like a fish? BRENNAN: I have no way of knowing that until I examine the bones. BOOTH: You know what, we gotta find the party planner around here. BRENNAN: She throws a very good party. I enjoyed my conversation. BOOTH: What, with the zygote? BRENNAN: He's charming. He likes long walks on the beach and he enjoys watching the sunset. BOOTH: That's a line, Bones, all right, they're lines. You're what they call prime real estate around here. BRENNAN: Well, I'm prime real estate anywhere. BOOTH: Never, never mind. Hey, Captain, have you seen Nadia Blake? CAPTAIN: Uh, probably below deck (he takes a sip of his "coffee") BOOTH: Whoo, that's some uh, fragrant coffee you got there. CAPTAIN: Heh. I brewed it myself, uh, gotta keep sharp. (Booth and Brennan walk off in search of Nadia Blake) (Cut to: Deck of the cruise ship) BOOTH: Hey, Bones, our guy was hooked through the mouth like a fish, right? BRENNAN: Uh huh. BOOTH (gesturing to an object): That fit the bill? (The object is a harpoon-like device) BRENNAN: The shape is consistent with the damage to the palatine bone and the cribriform plate. BOOTH: Right, whatever that means. But, could be our murder weapon, right? Yeah. BRENNAN: We have to bring it back to the lab and test it for trace evidence. (Booth has begun walking down the outdoor passageway towards something that has caught his attention) BOOTH: Hey, Bones, this be our grater? BRENNAN: It is if it corresponds to the abrasions on the bones. BOOTH: Which means Liam Moloney didn't make it off this boat alive. (He opens a door, they head in, going down stairs to below deck. They hear the sound of glass crashing) NADIA: (from inside) Don't! BOOTH: I got it. (He pulls his gun and busts open the door) NADIA: Stop it! BOOTH: FREEZE! (Nadia is in the bed with one of the boys) NADIA: I mean it! (Looking up at Booth) Do you mind? BOOTH: Okay, come on, cover up, need to ask you a few questions about Liam Moloney. NADIA: (sighs) You mind if I get dressed first? BOOTH: You got sixty seconds. (Brennan notices insects on the floor and goes to investigate) BRENNAN: Look! BOOTH: Whaddya got, Bones? NADIA: What happened to my sixty seconds? BRENNAN: Maggots. Most likely blowfly maggots, indicating that at some recent point, there was rotting flesh here. BOOTH (to the boy toy): Okay, you, pony boy, let's go, out, c'mon. Here you go. BRENNAN: You need a key to open this lock. BOOTH: Bones, excuse me. BRENNAN: What? (Booth kicks open the closet door) NADIA (gasps): You people are crazy! BOOTH (opening the closet): Look at that. BRENNAN: (turns on her flashlight and peers at the maggots) You said Liam was last seen on this boat? BOOTH: I'm thinking that uh, he was killed and stashed in here until they got out far enough to dump the body, what do you think? BRENNAN: I think you're right. (Booth gives Nadia a look, she looks displeased and continues getting dressed) (Cut to: Interrogation room, FBI. Booth is there with Sweets and Nadia) BOOTH: Last time Liam was seen alive was on one of your cruises, 'bout a month ago? NADIA: Okay, I don't keep track of the boys who go on my cruises, my God, that'd be a full-time job. SWEETS: As opposed to arranging hookups. NADIA: For a cop, he certainly knows how to take the romance out of things. BOOTH: We're not talking about him, we're talking about you. So, middle-aged women pay you to hookup with younger guys? NADIA: No, they don't. They pay to go on my cruises. What they do when they get off is up to them. BOOTH: Right, well one of your guests ended up fish food at the bottom of the sea. I'm not seeing the romance in that. SWEETS: And he usually does, which means there really isn't any. NADIA: Hey, I liked Liam! He was very good for business. BOOTH: Yeah, you took advantage of a kid who didn't have a mother. You basically fed him older women. NADIA: He needed mature companionship, and my ladies needed a fresh face. SWEETS: And youthful physique. NADIA: Exactly. BOOTH: Y'know, there are plenty of guys in their thirties and forties who have youthful physiques. SWEETS: Yeah. Yeah. BOOTH: Yeah. SWEETS (more to Booth than to Nadia): It's different. Not in a bad way, but... NADIA: Yeah in a bad way. BOOTH: You're not helping your case. NADIA: Something happened to Liam that night, I have no idea what it is. BOOTH: Guy was stuffed in a fish locker. In a cabin that you seem to spend a lot of your "quality" time in. NADIA: Okay, how could I put him in a locker I don't even have the key to? BOOTH: Who has the key? NADIA: Well, Captain Kelly. Maybe it's him you should be talking to. (Cut to: Jeffersonian, Hodgins' Lab) (Cam enters the lab, seeking Hodgins) CAM: Do you have the results back on the maggots from the cougar cruise? HODGINS (peering intently at the computer screen): Maggots are next on my list. CAM (sighs in exasperated fashion): Ms. Wick has already confirmed the murder weapon, everyone else is working on the slave ship, which makes you the clog in my drain, Dr. Hodgins. HODGINS: Still trying to figure out the trace from those bone scrapes - it's very strange and sticky. Three primary proteins, including a trypsin-like serine protease. CAM: This is my 'what the hell are you talking about' look. HODGINS: It's a waterproof marine epoxy. (Cam points to her face again) HODGINS: Glue. CAM: Why would the victim have glue on his bones? HODGINS: (taking a seat) Yeah, that's exactly what's got me stumped. CAM: Ponder it while you put the maggots in the blender. Hopefully you can pull enough DNA to prove that Liam Moloney was in that locker. (She turns and leaves) HODGINS: After he was dead, but before he got tossed overboard. I'm on it. (Cut to: Interrogation Room, FBI - Booth and Brennan are interrogating Captain Kelly) BRENNAN: (Sliding across the DMV record for Liam Moloney) Your boat hook killed him, his name is Liam Moloney. CAPTAIN: I seen him before, but I barely know the guy. Why would I kill him? (Electronic beeping noises are heard in the background, Brennan looks down at her phone) BOOTH: You tell me, I mean, you got a wife, captain, she hook up with Moloney? CAPTAIN: Oh please, I'd have paid him. (Brennan is checking her phone, and has messages from Hodgins and Daisy) BOOTH (to Brennan): Would you knock it off with that? BRENNAN: They're from Ms. Wick and Hodgins, and it appears to be urgent. BOOTH: All right, just get on with it, all right, be quick. (Brennan resumes checking her messages) CAPTAIN: She doesn't really listen to you, does she? BOOTH: That's really none of your business. (Captain chuckles) (Booth turns to face Brennan, sitting down on the table) BRENNAN: Dr. Hodgins blended the maggots. They don't have remnants of human DNA, they have monocalcium paracaseinate. BOOTH: Which means? Explain! BRENNAN: Cheese. BOOTH: What?! BRENNAN: The maggots ate cheese, not Moloney. (Captain bursts out laughing) BOOTH: (rising and turning to the Captain) Okay, you, that's not funny. CAPTAIN: Yeah, it is. Look, I don't just do the horny broad cruises, I do gourmet parties once a month. BOOTH: Your point is? CAPTAIN: Last week's dinner, there was a bunch of this, uh, y'know, uh, illegal Italian cheese. I took one. BRENNAN (chuckles): Ohh, I see. BOOTH: No, I don't. What does Italian cheese have to do with maggots? BRENNAN: There's a traditional Sardinian sheep-milk cheese called Casu Marzu , it is riddled with live insect larvae. CAPTAIN: Look, I told you, I, I had nothing to do with this. BOOTH: All right, all right, do you remember seeing this guy on the Labor Day cougar cruise? CAPTAIN (sighs): I mighta seen him out on deck with a woman. Nobody goes out on deck on account of the bar's inside. BRENNAN: Can you describe her? CAPTAIN: Well, I was um, little under the weather. BOOTH (scoffs): Drunk. CAPTAIN: A...possibility. BRENNAN: Then how are we going to get a description? (Cut to: Jeffersonian, Angela's office) (Angela is sitting on the ground, sketching the faces that belong to the skulls of the remains found on the slave ship. She is deeply focused on her task. After a time, Hodgins comes to her office and stands in the doorway, watching her) HODGINS: Somebody forget about lunch? ANGELA: Oh, I'm..I...how long have I been sitting here? HODGINS: Hours. I had a Caesar salad, with a side of Ms. Wick. We talked about Sardinian cheese at length. (He comes to sit down next to Angela on a chair) ANGELA (laughs): I'm so sorry, babe. I totally lost track. HODGINS: No, these are amazing, Angie. You're doing a sketch for every set of remains? ANGELA: Kind of feel like I have to. HODGINS: You also have to eat. I mean, you're growing a baby, remember? ANGELA: Well yeah, but he was somebody's baby too (gesturing to the sketch she is working on, of a young boy), and I want our baby to know that. (She looks up to see Hodgins smiling at her) Oh, wow, I sound like a crazy woman, don't I? HODGINS: Actually, you're sounding like a mom. ANGELA: Oh, crap, already? HODGINS: Yup. ANGELA: Then I should take that sandwich. HODGINS: 'kay. Keep working, I'm on it. You want a peanut butter and egg salad? ANGELA: Yes, I know, pregnancy is so weird. I love you. HODGINS: Love you too. (They kiss) Even the charcoal-y bits. (Cut to: Booth's office. Brennan, Sweets, Booth and the Captain are all there, Sweets is pouring a glass of scotch) SWEETS: Three separate studies suggest this is a very effective method. It's called state-dependent learning. (Captain takes a drink) If we want him to remember when he was drunk, we just have to get him drunk. BOOTH: Right. Is this really going to work? BRENNAN: Memories are anchored in internal contexts. SWEETS: Yeah, for example, if I had a drink, I would instantly remember Daisy, and how champagne just makes her eyes sparkle. BOOTH: Sweets? Is he drunk enough already? (Captain attempts to put his arm on the armrest of the chair but misses) SWEETS: I'd say yes. BOOTH: Okay, let's just focus here, all right? Labor Day cruise, Liam Moloney's on the deck with a woman, can you describe her? CAPTAIN: Hmmm. SWEETS: He's confused. For example, if I were to describe Daisy, I'd say she was 5'5", beautiful brown hair... BOOTH: Oh, for God's sake, Sweets! SWEETS: What? CAPTAIN: I remember! Her hair was red, and she kept uh, flicking it. BRENNAN: Booth! That sounds just like... BOOTH: Claire Casper. BRENNAN: The wife of the man whose identity Liam stole. BOOTH (to Sweets): Get his keys. SWEETS: Why? BOOTH: We gotta go solve a murder. Just give him two aspirin and put him in a cab, all right? (Booth and Brennan exit, Sweets removes the glass from the Captain's hand) CAPTAIN: Wai, wai, wai, wai, wait! (Cut to: FBI interrogation room, Booth is with Claire Casper) BOOTH: We got witnesses, and they all put you on the Labor Day cougar cruise. CLAIRE: Big whoop. I go on a lot of party cruises, they're a fun night out. BOOTH: Fun night out with Liam Moloney? CLAIRE: All right, you really want me to say this. Liam and I hooked up a few months ago. He used to come by the house when Mike was at work. BOOTH: Ahh, okay, so when Mike's ID got stolen, you realized it was Liam. Could've been real easy for him, all he had to do was grab some mail. That must've really pissed you off. CLAIRE: You think I care? Boy went like a hot little pipe. BOOTH: Oh, you definitely cared, because your whole little world was about to come crumbling down. You went on that cruise looking for him, didn't you. What'd he say? Threaten to tell your husband about the affair? CLAIRE: (leaning in close to Booth) I didn't kill Liam. And there's nothing you can do to prove different. (Cut to: Jeffersonian, Cam's desk. She is looking through the manifest from the slave ship. She closes the book and takes a deep breath. Angela enters) ANGELA: Hey! We're uh, almost wrapped up. CAM: Yeah, Booth called, he thinks Claire Casper did it, but there's no evidence to tie her to the crime. ANGELA: No, I was actually, I was talking about the Amalia Rose. The remains have been identified and they're moving them into the exhibit. The press conference is tomorrow. CAM: Great. ANGELA: Not that this is any of my business, but um, I sort of thought that you'd be more interested. CAM (gives a small laugh): Interested, is that what I'm supposed to be? ANGELA: I just thought... CAM: That because I'm black, I should be all over this. (Angela looks uncertain how to reply) CAM: I already know what happened. My family were property, along with about fifteen million other Africans, they were traded like cattle, and they died like cattle, and I am trying really hard not to let those bones out there get to me. ANGELA: I'm sorry, Cam, I should've been more sensitive. CAM: It's fine, it's all good. (Hodgins enters) HODGINS: Hey, so, new developments...am I interrupting? CAM: No, uh, what's going on? HODGINS: I ran a couple more tests, and the sticky stuff on the bone abrasions wasn't marine epoxy, it's barnacle secretion. (Cam looks puzzled) HODGINS: I think I know what happened. (Cut to: Platform of the Medico-Legal Lab. Hodgins is leading, followed by Daisy, Angela and Cam) HODGINS: Now, imagine this platform is the party boat, and I am Liam Moloney. DAISY: And I'm Claire Casper, sexually predatory suburban housewife. HODGINS: Right, okay, so, Moloney and Claire, they struggle. (Hodgins and Daisy pretend to attack each other) HODGINS: Now, Moloney, he's strong. DAISY: We know that from the bone attachments. HODGINS: But Claire, she's got rage on her side. DAISY: And I shove him overboard (Hodgins goes flying over the railing). ANGELA: Hey! (She and Cam rush over to see if Hodgins is okay) (Hodgins beams up at them from a mattress and cushions on the floor) HODGINS: Don't worry, we thought this through! Moloney, he tries to climb back on board (Hodgins gets up and attempts to start climbing the railing of the platform), scraping himself on the barnacles, but Claire, she grabs the boat hook (Daisy grabs an improvised boat hook made from a broom). CAM: And stabs him straight through the mouth. HODGINS (holding on to the pretend boat hook): Uh huh. DAISY: The hook tore through his palate, into the frontal lobe, fracturing his front teeth as it was removed (she releases the "hook" and Hodgins falls back onto the mattress). (Hodgins and Daisy look at Cam and Angela; Daisy sighs a little from the exertion, Angela looks at Cam, who looks troubled) ANGELA: What's wrong? CAM: If the abrasions to Liam Moloney's skeleton were caused by the barnacles on the boat, there may be evidence in the barnacles. HODGINS: And that is why I sent the techs out to the marina to check the boat. (Cut to: Hodgins' lab. He is showing Brennan images on the computer screen) HODGINS: Barnacles grow at a prescribed rate. We dated these little ones back to the night Liam Moloney disappeared. BRENNAN: He tried to climb back up the side of the hull, in the process, breaking off the barnacles and lacerating himself down to the bone. HODGINS: Yeah, and, these baby barnacles grew in their place. (Cam enters) CAM: DNA's back from the blood we found under those barnacles. There's two types: one is consistent with Liam Moloney, the other's a match for Claire Casper. BRENNAN: She must've gotten cut when they struggled. CAM: Booth wanted evidence, looks like we got it. (Cut to: Interrogation Room, FBI) (Booth is confronting Claire Casper) BOOTH: A jury's going to believe this, Claire. We got you. CLAIRE: It was an accident. I...I told Liam I knew what he did. We started fighting. My glass broke, and I got cut - I looked down and saw blood, and I got so mad, I shoved him. He...went over. BOOTH: Into the ocean. CLAIRE: I grabbed the boat hook to get him, I was gonna pull him out. BOOTH: Then what happened? CLAIRE: He called me a...desperate old hag. And I never thought of myself as old until then. And I, I grabbed the boat hook, and I swung it up, and caught him in the mouth. BOOTH: Just like a fish. CLAIRE: I...wanted him to die, Agent Booth, but I...I didn't want to kill him. (Booth says nothing, but shakes his head slightly) (Cut to: shot of DC at night, then the Royal Diner. Sweets and Daisy are sitting at the counter) SWEETS: Here's the thing. As much as it pains me to say, I don't like casual s*x. DAISY: You don't? SWEETS: I mean, I like s*x, I love s*x, okay, I just, I don't only want to spend time with you 'cause I'm getting my freak on. DAISY: I like giving you the freak. SWEETS: If you want to keep seeing me, we need to have a substantive conversation, and shared interests. DAISY: Well, that should be easy, I mean, we have lots in common. SWEETS: Okay, like what? DAISY: We both love Indian food. SWEETS: Can't stand it, only ate it for you. DAISY: Really? SWEETS: Uh huh. What about travel? DAISY: Since the Malukus, I'm totally over it. SWEETS: Hiking? DAISY: Hate it. Dogs? I love dogs. SWEETS: I'm allergic. (They fall into silence, both looking despondent at what this means for them) DAISY: Remember that time when you had the flu, and we stayed in bed and watched the Saved by the Bell marathon? SWEETS: Yeah, and we decided we dislike Jessie because she's so smart and ambitious, right? DAISY: And you were like Screech, 'cause he was the geeky genius. SWEETS: But they never hooked up. DAISY: Which they totally should have. SWEETS: Right? 'Cause they had more in common than they realized. (They look at each other, and Daisy nods silently) DAISY: We could watch it again. SWEETS: I have issues with the last season. DAISY: Me too! (They smile at each other) SWEETS: Daisy. DAISY: Lancelot. (They embrace) (Cut to: Shots of DC, then the Jeffersonian, where the press conference about the Amalia Rose is being held) CAM: These people were wrenched from their homeland, and disappeared into the cold seas of the Atlantic, forgotten, until today. We're very proud to announce that, thanks to the hard work of the Jeffersonian staff, the remains found on the Amalia Rose have been matched with the names on the manifest, and they will be buried at the Great Oak Cemetery in Maryland, but their names and faces will live on here, at the Jeffersonian. Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to present the victims of the Amalia Rose. (She begins to read out the names as the faces Angela sketched are displayed on the screens surrounding her) Pollodore Nelson. Barbury Page. Jim, no last name. Abraham Fox. (She looks down at the paper she is reading from and hesitates, struggling to master her emotions) Hany...Hany...(she exhales, audibly) Hany Beaufort. Bartlett Nelson. Isaiah Nelson. Rebecca, no last name. Cain Dawson. Eliza, no last name. Georgiana Pickett. Clarence Stark. Dilly Stark. Franklin, no last name. (Fade to black, credits roll) END.

The past and present collide when human remains from a 150-year-old slave ship, the Amelia Rose, surface. The team is tasked to give the deceased a proper burial but make an unforeseen discovery linked to a recent murder. In the course of the investigation, Booth and Brennan are led to a different kind of ship - a "Cougar" cruise - where they learn their victim was seen moments before his death. Meanwhile, Sweets struggles to maintain a casual relationship with Daisy, and Cam discovers a surprising and emotional connection to the Amelia Rose.

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fd_My_Little_Pony__Friendship_is_Magic_01x06_0

Spike: Come on Twilight, you can do it! Twilight: Okay, here goes. (poof) Spike: Ha-HA! You did it! Growing magic. That's number ! Twenty-five different types of tricks and counting. (pleased) And I think this is the best trick so far. (suave) Hello, Rarity. What's that? Aw, it's nothin', just my AWESOME moustache! (chuckles) Twilight: Sorry, Romeo. As attractive and enticing as you look, it's just for practice and it's gotta go. Spike: Wait! (poof, crestfallen) Aw, rats... (Twilight giggles) (theme song begins) My Little Pony, My Little Pony, ah, ah, ah, ah, (My Little Pony) Twilight: I used to wonder what friendship could be (My Little Pony) Until you all shared its magic with me Rainbow Dash: Big adventure Pinkie Pie: Tons of fun Rarity: A beautiful heart Applejack: Faithful and strong Fluttershy: Sharing kindness Twilight: It's an easy feat All: And magic makes it all complete, yeah (My Little Pony) Do you know, you're all my very best friends Spike: Twenty-five, Twilight! Twenty-five different kinds of tricks and counting. I thought unicorns were only supposed to have a little magic that matches their special talent. Twilight: True, for ponies whose talents are for things like cooking or singing or math, but what if a unicorn's special talent IS magic? Spike: Like you, Twilight! And you know a TON of magic. Twilight: (embarrassed) Oh, Spike, stop. I'm sure there are lots of ponies right here in Ponyville that know just as much magic as me... Spike: Are you kiddin'?! I don't think there's another unicorn in all of Equestria with your kind of ability, Twilight. Snails: (heavy Canadian accent) Gaaaangway! Comin' through! (Spike grunts) Spike: Snips...Snails...w-what's going on?! Snails: Why, haven't you heard? (Spike yelps, crashes) There's a new unicorn in town! Snips: (hyperventilating) Yeah! They say she's got more magical powers than any other unicorn EVER! Twilight: Really? Spike: Aw, no way. That honor goes to Twilight here! Twilight: Where is this unicorn? Trixie: (amplified) Come one! Come all! (trilling r's) Come and witness the amazing magic of the Grrreat and Powerrrful Trrrrixie! (ponies ooh and ahh) (theatrical) Watch in awe as the Great and Powerful Trixie performs the most spectacular feats of pony magic ever witnessed by pony eyes! (pyrotechnics burst, fanfare plays) Rarity: (unimpressed) My, my, my! What boasting! Spike: Come on, no pony's as magical as Twili- (flustered) Twi- Twi- O-oh! (clears throat) (bashful) Hey, Rarity, I, uh... MOUSTACHE! Twilight: There's nothing wrong with being talented, is there? Applejack: Nothin' at all, 'ceptin' when someone goes around showin' it off like a school filly with fancy new ribbons. Rarity: Just because one has the ability to perform lots of magic does not make one better than the rest of us. Rainbow Dash: Especially when ya got me around bein' better than the rest of us. (chuckles) Uh, I mean, (unconvincing) yeah, uh, magic-shmagic! Boo! Trixie: Well, well, well. It looks like we have some (neighing) neigh [nay] sayers in the audience! Who is so IGNORANT as to challenge the magical ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie?! Do they not know that they're in the presence of the most magical unicorn in all of Equestria?! Rarity: (raspberry) Just WHO does she think she is? Spike: Yeah! Since we all know that Twilight here is- Twilight: (whispering) Spike! Shh! Spike: What? What's wrong? Twilight: Did you see how they reacted to Trixie? I don't want anyone thinking I'M a showoff! (drumroll, fanfare, pyrotechnics) Rainbow Dash: So, "Great and Powerful Trixie," what makes you think you're so awesome, anyway? Trixie: (self-amused chuckle) Why, only the Great and Powerful Trixie has magic strong enough to VANQUISH! THE DREADED! URSA MAJOR! (fanfare, pyrotechnics) (audience ahhs) Snips: What?! Snails: No way! Trixie: When all hope was lost, the ponies of Hoofington [Huffington] had no one to turn to, (robotic growling) but the Great and Powerful Trixie stepped in, (mechanical growling) and with her awesome magic (static fizzle) vanquished the Ursa Major and sent it back to its cave deep within the Everfree Forest! Snips: Aw, sweet! Snails: Sa-weet! Snips: That settles it. Snails: Trixie really is the most talented, most magical, most awesome unicorn in Ponyville. Snips: No! In all of Equestria! Spike: How d'you know?! You didn't see it! And besides, Twi- (zip) Mmf! Mmf! (haughty chuckle) (stroking ego) It's true, my enthusiastic little admirer. Trixie is most certainly the best in Ponyville! (crickets chirping) Well then, I hereby challenge you, (derisively) Ponyvillians:(boastful) Anything you can do, I can do better. Any takers? Anyone? Or is Trixie destined to be the greatest equine that has EVER LIVED?! (fanfare, pyrotechnics) Spike: (unzips mouth, pleads) Ple-e-ease! She's unbearable! You gotta show her! You just gotta! (sobs) Twilight: (whispering) There's no way I'm gonna use my magic now, Spike! Especially since- Trixie: Hmm...how about...YOU! (Twilight gulps nervously) Trixie: Well, how about it? Hmm? (condescending) Is there anything YOU can do that the Great and Powerful Trixie can't?! Twilight: (meekly) I...I... (banjo strumming) Trixie: Well, little hayseed? Applejack: That's it! I can't stand for no more o'this! Spike: You show her, AJ! Applejack: Can your magical powers do...THIS?! (spirited country music, rope twirling) (ponies ooh) (spirited country music, rope twirling) (spirited country music) (chomps, gulps, music ends) (ponies cheer raucously) Applejack: Top THAT, missy. Trixie: (unfazed) Oh ye of little talent. Watch and be amazed at the magic of Trixie! (Arabian music) Applejack: Whoa! (grunts, crashes into ground) (Arabian music) (ponies cheer) Trixie: Once again, the Great and Powerful Trixie prevails. Rainbow Dash: There's no need to go struttin' around and showin' off like that! Trixie: Oh? Rainbow Dash: That's MY job! (rock music) (windmill grinds) (rock music) (repeated thumps) (rock music) (rock music) (rising pitch whoosh) (rock music) (whoosh, whoosh, whoosh) (rock music) (rising pitch whoosh) (rock music) (windmill grinds) (rock music) (whoosh, brakes squeal) (rock music) (rock music ends) They don't call me "Rainbow" and "Dash" for nothin'! (ponies cheer) Trixie: When Trixie is through, the only thing they'll call you is loser. (magical humming) (Rainbow Dash screaming) (sped up calliope music) Rainbow Dash: (weakly) I think I'm gonna be...sick... Trixie: Seems like any pony with a [Rainbow] "dash" of good sense would think twice before tussling with the Great Trixie! (thunder, Rainbow Dash shrieks) (ponies laugh, Trixie laughs haughtily) Spike: What we need is another unicorn to challenge her! (hinting) Someone with some magic of her own? Rainbow Dash: Yeah! A unicorn to show THIS unicorn who's boss! Applejack: A real unicorn-to-unicorn tussle! Twilight: Uh... Rarity: Enough. Enough, all of you. I take your hint, but Rarity is above such nonsense. Rainbow Dash and Applejack may behave like ruffians, but Rarity conducts herself with beauty and grace. Trixie: (mocking) Ooh, what's the matter? (provoking) Afraid you'll get a hair out of place in that rat's nest you call a mane? Rarity: Oh. It. Is. ON. You may think you're tough with all of your so-called "powers," but there's more to magic than your brutish ways. A unicorn needs to be more than just muscle. A unicorn needs to have style. (classical music) (classical music) A unicorn is not a unicorn without grace and beauty. (classical music, audience oohs) (magical humming) (classical music) Spike: Rarity won't let Trixie get the best of her! (classical music) She's strong, she's beautiful, she's- (poof) (classical music) (ponies gasp and recoil) Rarity: (panicked) QUICK! I NEED A MIRROR! GET ME A MIRROR! (squealing) What did she do to my hair?! I know she did something terrible to my hair! Twilight: (nervously) N-nothing! Rainbow Dash: (hastily) It's fine! Applejack: (dazed) It's gorgeous! Spike: (tactless) It's green. What? Rarity: (tearing up) No! Green hair! Not green hair! (sobs theatrically) That's an awful, AWFUL color! (sobs) Pony: Well, I never! [supposed to be a green-haired female Carrot Top] Spike: Well, Twilight, I guess it's up to you. Come on, show her what you're made of! Twilight: (deflecting) What do you mean? I-I'm nothing special... Spike: Yes you ARE! You're better than her! Twilight: I'm not better than anyone! Trixie: Hah! You think you're better than the Great and Powerful Trixie? You think you have MORE magical talent? (provoking) Well, come on. Show Trixie what you've got. Show us all. Twilight: Who, me? I'm just your run-of-the-mill citizen of Ponyville! No powerful magic here. I, uh, think I hear my laundry calling. Sorry! Spike: Twilight? Trixie: Ha! Once again, the Great and Powerful Trixie has proven herself to be the most amazing unicorn in all of Equestria! (under breath) Was there ever any doubt? Snips: Here's the smoothie you asked for! With extra hay! Just how you like it. Snails: (slow, dull speech) Mm, hay. (slurping) Trixie: (annoyed) Yes? Snips: Oh! Tell us another story, Great and Powerful Trixie! Snails: Yeah, tell us about how you vanquished the Ursa Major! Trixie: (derisively) Hmph! TRIXIE is far too exhausted from performing feats beyond imagination. BEGONE with you until morning. Snails: Oh, of course, Great and Powerful Trixie! Snips: Anything you say! We are at your beck and call! (sighs haughtily) Spike: What're YOU two doin'? Snips: Just bringin' the G. and P. T. a- Spike: ...The what? Snips: The Great and Powerful Trixie! Spike: Sheesh. Snips: Just bringin' her a smoothie! Spike: How can you fall for her lameness?! She's just a showoff. Spike: Unlike Twilight, who- Snips: The Great and Powerful Trixie vanquished an Ursa Major. Can your "Twilight" claim that? Spike: Oh, really? Were you guys actually there? Snips: Well, eh...uh...no, but- Spike: But nothin'. The proof is in the pudding! Snails: (slow-witted laughter) I like pudding. Spike: ...Look, unless an Ursa Major comes waltzing up the street for Trixie to vanquish, I am NOT gonna believe a word she says! And neither should you! Snips: Hmm! An Ursa walkin' up the street, eh? (a la Brain [Pinky and the Brain]) Snails, you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'? Snails: (a la Pinky) Why is it they call it a flea market when they don't really sell fleas? Snips: Yeah! Uh... (doubletakes) Oh, uh...come on! Spike: Twilight, would you put down that book and just listen to me? Twilight: Didn't you see how they hated Trixie's bragging, Spike? If I go out there and show off my magic, I run the risk of losing them as friends. Spike: It's not the same thing, Twilight! You'd be using your magic to stand up for your friends! Twilight: No, Spike! It's exactly the same! Spike: Come on, Twilight. Any one of these tricks, even the teeniest, would be enough to show up Trixie. Twilight: I don't wanna be seen as a bragger like Trixie! (door slams shut) Spike: (opens door) But you're the BEST! Twilight: (exasperated sigh) Please, Spike! I said, "No!" Spike: (sighs) If that's the way you wanna be, fine. (slams door) (door opens) (spooky theremin music) (owl hoots) (spooky theremin music) Snips: (apprehensively) Oh, how we gonna find an Ursa Major when I can't even see my own hoof in front of my face?! Snails: Hold on! (grunts fiercely) Snips: Oh! Heh, that's better. (low growl) (growling) (Snails screams) (Snails and Snips scream) (Snails and Snips scream, Ursa roars) (Spike kicking rock) (melancholy harp music) (Snips screaming) Spike: Hey, guys. (Snails panting) Where ya goin'? Snips: Can't talk now! Snails: Got a "MAJOR" problem! Snips: Yeah! URSA Major, to be exact! (roar) Spike: ...Huh? (paw impacts ground) (roar) Snips and Snails: TRIXIIIIE! Spike: Twilight! (loud thuds, trees falling) (Snips and Snails banging on door and clamoring for Trixie) Trixie: (annoyed) Trixie thought she said the Great and Powerful Trixie did not want to be disturbed! Snips: (nervous laughter) We-We have a...a tiny problem... Snails: (flatly) Actually, it's a big one. Trixie: WHAT is so important that you cannot wait until morning to disturb Trixie?! (distant roar, thud) (repeated thuds) [SCENE_BREAK] (fierce roar) (Trixie screams) (Snips and Snails scream) (Ursa snarls, crushes cart) (roar) Spike: (frantic) Twilight! You've gotta come! Quick! Twilight: I've already told you, Spike! I don't wanna show up Trixie! Spike: No! You don't understand! It's- (roar, thud) Twilight: (nervously) ...Uh, is that what I think it is? Spike: [Ursa] Majorly... Snips: Great and Powerful Trixie! You've got to vanquish the Ursa! Snails: (oblivious) Yeah! Vanquish so we can watch! Snips: It took a LOT of trouble to get that thing here! Trixie: Wait! YOU brought this here?! (gasps) Are you out of your little pony MINDS?! Snips: But...you're the Great and Powerful Trixie! Snails: Yeah, remember? You defeated an Ursa Major! (Ursa roars) Trixie: (nervously) U-uh, okay... (gulps) Stand back... (Arabian music) (uncertain) Heh! Piece o'cake! (snap) Snips: Aw, c'mon, Trixie! Snails: (very Canadian) Stop goofin' around and vanquish it, eh? (Trixie gasps, gulps) (ominous music) (thunder) Snails: (flatly) Well. That was a dud. Snips: Yeah, c'mon! Where's all the cool explosions and smoke and stuff like earlier?! You know! (Ursa winces) (Ursa growls) Trixie: (meekly) Uh-oh. (roar) (ponies screaming) (Ursa roars) (Ursa roars, ponies gasp fearfully) (roar, crash) (ponies panicking) Twilight: What's going on?! Snips: (proudly) We brought an Ursa to town! Twilight: You WHAT?! Snails: Don't worry! The Great and Powerful Trixie'll vanquish it! Trixie: (defeated) I can't. Snips and Snails: What?! Trixie: Uh, I can't. I never have. No one can vanquish an Ursa Major. I just made the whole story up to make me look better! Snips and Snails: Made it up?! (guttural growl) (roar) (ponies gasp) (Twilight gulps) (Ursa growls, paws impact ground) (Twilight groans, wind blows) (lullaby-style music from cattails) (Ursa growls, subsides) (lullaby-style music from cattails) Spike: Nice use of Number ! (rising volume magical chiming) (metal creaking) (water flowing) (magical chiming) (cows mooing in contented surprise) Deeper-voiced cow: Call me, don'tcha know? Spike: ...That's new. (metallic clank) (Ursa growling sleepily) (Twilight grunting heavily) (Ursa slurping) (Ursa sucking noisily) (loud magical humming) (sucking) (Twilight grunts exhaustedly) (ponies cheering) Spike: Unbelievable! That was amazing! Applejack: Heavens to Betsy! We knew you had ability, but not THAT much! Twilight: I'm sorry! Please, please don't hate me! Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity: Hate you?! Rarity: Why, whatever do you mean, darling? Twilight: Well, I know how much you all hated Trixie showing off with her magic tricks, and I just thought- Rainbow Dash: Whoa, whoa, whoa. MAGIC'S got nothin' to do with it! Rainbow Dash: Trixie's just a loudmouth. Rarity: MOST unpleasant. Applejack: All hat and no cattle. Twilight: So...you don't mind my magic tricks? Applejack: Your magic is a part o'who you are, sugarcube, and we like who you are. We're proud to have such a powerful, talented unicorn as our friend. Rainbow Dash: And after whuppin' that Ursa's hindquarters, we're even prouder! Twilight: You are?! Rainbow Dash: Uh-huh! Applejack and Rarity: Mm-hmm! Spike: Wow, Twilight! How'd you know what to do with that Ursa Major?! Twilight: That's what I was doing when you came looking for me! I was so intrigued by Trixie's bragging that I was compelled to do a little reading up on them. Spike: So, it IS possible to vanquish an Ursa Major all by yourself? Twilight: That wasn't an Ursa Major. That was a baby. An Ursa MINOR. Trixie: THAT was just a baby?! Twilight: And it wasn't rampaging. It was just cranky because SOMEone woke it up. (Snips and Snails groan bashfully) Spike: Well...if that was an Ursa Minor, then... (fearfully) what's an Ursa MAJOR like?! (Ursa Minor growls contentedly) Twilight: ...You don't wanna know. Trixie: (haughtily) Hah! You may have vanquished an Ursa MINOR, but you will never have the amazing, show-stopping ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie! (poof, hooves clop into distance) Rainbow Dash: Why, that little...! Twilight: Just let her go. Maybe someday she'll learn her lesson. Now...About you two. Snips: Uh, (nervous chuckle) we're sorry that we woke up the Ursa Minor... Snails: We just wanted to see some AWESOME MAGIC! Snips: Yeah! And the way you vanquished that Ursa Minor was...AWESOME! Snails: We deserve whatever punishment you give us. Twilight: For starters, you can clean up this mess. And... What do you think, Spike? Should I give them... (ominously) Number ? Spike: Ohhh, Twenty-five, yes! And I think I deserve it, too. Snips and Snails: Huh?! Twilight: I think you're right. (humming) (three pops) Snips, Snails, Spike: Sweeeet! Twilight: (voice-over) "Dear Princess Celestia, I have learned a very valuable lesson about friendship. I was so afraid of being thought of as a show-off that I was hiding a part of who I am. My friends helped me realize that it's okay to be proud of your talents, and there are times when it's appropriate to show them off... especially when you're standing up for your friends." Spike: So, you finally admit that you're the most talented unicorn in all of Ponyville? Twilight: Well...yeah. But it's nothing to brag about. But it's nothing to brag about. So, uh, how did it go with Rarity? Spike: (sighs) She didn't go for the moustache. Twilight: You know, Spike, that moustache has nothing to do with who you really are. Maybe you should just try being yourself! Spike: Or...maybe the moustache wasn't enough! Maybe if I had a moustache AND a beard! Twilight: Oh, not THIS again... Spike: Okay, imagine me with a nice, long Fu Manchu type beard. Or maybe a goatee. Or, no... (ending theme begins) My Little Pony My Little Pony (instrumental) My Little Pony, friends

"The Great and Powerful" Trixie arrives in town and boasts being a powerful unicorn, outdoing stunts performed by Twilight's friends with her magic. Spike tries to have Twilight stand up for her friends, but she refuses, believing the rest of town will hate her due to her own powerful magic. In an attempt to prove Trixie's power to Spike, the colts Snips and Snails lure a giant "Ursa Minor" bear into town for her to vanquish. Trixie tries to stop the bear, but her magic is too weak. Instead, Twilight is able to use her own magic to lull the bear to sleep and return it to its cave. As Trixie flees, the town thanks Twilight for her help, and she realizes that they readily accept her magical talent.

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fd_American_Horror_Story_01x01_0

(Someone throws a rock at the window of an abandonned house and shatters it. A young girl, Addie, standing on the front lawn of this house turns around.) Bryan : Hey, Troy. You're a dork. Troy : Hey, shut up. Hey, freak. (On his way to the front door, Bryan blow some kisses at Addie who stares back at him) Addie : Excuse me. You are going to die in there. Troy : Shut your mouth, or we're gonna kick your ass! Bryan : We got bats. Troy : I hate trees! (The boys enters the house) Addie : You're gonna regret it. You're gonna regret it. You're gonna regret it. Troy : Yeah! Bryan : Yeah! (While the boys smash everything they found inside with their bats, a song sung by children can be heard) SONG: ♪ I know / I know / You belong / To some / Body new / But tonight / You belong / To me /Although / Although / We're apart / You're part / Of my heart / And tonight / You belong / To me / Just to little old me. ♪ Bryan : Troy. Troy : Awesome. (A door swings shut) Go. Bryan : No, you go, shithead. (The boys go down some stairs) Troy : Check it out. (They find a room full of jars filled with human's and animal's parts. Troy picks up a jar containing an ear and drops it. It shatters onto the ground) Troy : It stinks in here. It stinks like sh1t. You remember last summer when we get the raccoon stuck in our chimney? That's what it smells like. Let's go find it. Bryan : No, it smells bad... I'm getting out of here. (Troy go further into the room, poping his crackers, while Bryan turns around, up the stairs. Suddenly, the popping stops. Bryan stops his ascension) Bryan : Troy? (A bottle rolls across floor) Bryan : Troy? Who's down there? Cut it out, Troy. Cut it out. (Bryan finds Troy on the ground, his throat slashed. Troy is reaching out to him, unable to utter anything. Bryan turns around and sees a creature, Infantata, running in their direction. Bryan starts screaming. We are suddenly outside the house, Addie is still on the front lawn) -[Today]- (A gynecologist, dr. Day is examining a woman, Vivien. A nurse is assisting) Dr. Day : So, are your periods regular again? Vivien : Every other month. Not that I'm really complaining. After all that blood. Ben hates blood. Dr. Day : You having issues with arousal? Vivien : Not when I'm by myself. Dr. Day : Lie back. Well, I've recently had some success with women your age using bioidentical treatments and hormones. Vivien : For what? Dr. Day : Well, it's a sort of a preemptive strike. See, your body is like a house... you can fix the tiles in the bathroom and the kitchen, but if the foundation is decaying, well, you're wasting your time. Vivien : What are the side effects? Dr. Day : You can sit up. Well, the... BHRTs are great for your skin, organs. Most of the women I give these to tell me they make them feel ten years younger. Vivien : I don't know. You know, I don't even let my family drink out of plastic bottles. Taking a bunch of hormones when I don't even know what the side effects are, I just... Dr. Day : Feel and look ten years younger. Vivien : I don't need hormones, Doctor. I'm just trying to get control of my body again, after what happened. Dr. Day : And I'm offering you something to help you get that back. Vivien : I'm not a house. Dr. Day : Vivien, what are you so afraid of? [SCENE_BREAK] (Vivien comes home. She puts down her errands on the counters of the kitchen. She hears a soft thud coming from upstairs. She calls the police) Police Officer : 911. Vivien : I have an intruder in my house. Police Officer : Are you sure it's not a member of your family? Vivien : No. Nobody is home. Police Officer : What's the address? Vivien : 35 Drummond Road. Police Officer : We're sending a patrol car. Vivien : Please hurry, please. (Vivien picks up a kitchen knife and goes upstairs. We can hear something squeaking. Vivien slowly opens a door) Ben : Oh, my God. No, Viv. No, no. (Vivien stands still a few seconds, watching inside the room, then turns around. A man, Ben, comes out of the room, trying to stop Vivien) Ben : Viv, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No. (Vivien slashes his arm) Ben : Aah! Addie : You're going to regret it. You're going to regret it. You're going to regret it. -[OPENING CREDITS]- (Vivien, Ben and their daughter, Violet, are driving down a freeway) Vivien : The light is different out here. It's softer. Violet : It's called smog. Ben : You should be excited, Vi. You can stop sneaking cigarettes and just start taking deep breaths. Violet : I need to go to the bathroom. Ben : We're almost there. Violet : I need to go. Ben : Vi, it's a freeway. Really, where do you want me to pull over? Maybe the Honda next to us has a bathroom or something. Violet : Bet if the baby had to sh1t, you'd find somewhere. Vivien : Really? Violet, I hate that word, unless I'm saying it. Ben : I'm really glad we named you Violet, instead of our second choice. Violet : Which was? Vivien : Sunshine. (They all start chuckling) Ben : It's funny. Come on, you gotta admit it's funny. (Ben trys to hold Vivien's hand, but she takes it back) [SCENE_BREAK] (Ben rings a doorbell) Ben : I love it. Don't you love it, hon? I mean, it looks even better than it did online. (We have a view of the house, it's the abandonned house from 1978, but restored) Vivien : Yeah, it's interesting. Violet : Great. So we're the Addams Family now. Ben : Hey, crabby pants. Come here. Vivien : What are you doing? Ben : Isn't this place amazing? (Marcy, the realtor, opens the door) Marcy : Welcome. It's a classic L.A. Victorian. Built around 1920 by the doctor to the stars at the time. It's just fabulous. These are real Tiffany fixtures. As you can see, the previous owners really loved this place like a child. They restored everything. Vivien : Gay? Marcy : What do you think? Ben : Tiffany. Wow. Marcy : Do you cook? Ben : Viv is a great cook. I got her cooking lessons a few years ago, and she ended up teaching the teacher a few things. Marcy : Cooking lessons... romantic. Aren't you a psychologist? Ben : Psychiatrist. You said something on the phone about there being a study that I could use as a home office? I'm planning on seeing patients here, so I can spend more time with the family. Marcy : How refreshing. (Vivien puts her dog down, and it goes running outside the kitchen, yapping) Vivien : Violet, honey, would you go see where Hayley went? Thank you. Violet : What are you yapping at? (after several unsuccesful attempts, Violet gets the door the dog was yapping at to open. She goes down the stairs. Our view changes, from behing some kind of grate, we can now watch Violet looking aroung the basement, then go back upstairs) [SCENE_BREAK] (Marcy is still showing the house to Ben and Vivien) Ben : When I saw the pictures of this room online, I thought maybe you could use it as your music room. Marcy : Are you a musician? Vivien : I was. Cellist... Ben : very good one, in fact. Marcy : Why did you quit? Vivien : This wallpaper is peeling over here. Looks like maybe there's a mural underneath it. Marcy : The last owners probably covered it up. They were modernists. Speaking of the last owners, full disclosure requires that I tell you about what happened to them. Vivien : Oh, God... they didn't die in here or anything, did they? Marcy : Yes, actually, both of them. Murder-suicide. I sold them the house, too. They were just the sweetest couple. You never know, I guess. Ben : That explains why it's half the price of every other house in the neighborhood, I guess. Marcy : I do have a very nice mid-century ranch, but it's in the Valley, and you're going to get a third of the house for twice the price. Ben : Right. Violet : Where did it happen? Marcy : The basement. Violet : We'll take it. [SCENE_BREAK] (A couple of movers carry a couch into the house, while Marcy puts a "Sold" sign on the front lawn stand and sighs heavily) [SCENE_BREAK] (Vivien and Ben are in their bedroom. She is still unpacking) Ben: Come on, babe, let's go to bed. Leave that for the morning. Vivien : I'm a little bit worried about Violet, you know, these kids here are very different. I don't know if she can handle another year of not fitting in. Ben : You mean... you can't? Vivien : Can't believe this place doesn't freak you out a little bit. 'Cause of what happened here? Ben : My repulsion is tempered by the fact that this house is worth four times what we paid for it, so let's not think about it. Vivien : This is your professional advice, Doctor, just denial? Ben : Come on, let me give you a little love. Moving here, buying this house was the exact right thing to do for us and our family. It's a good thing and we deserve some good after all the sh1t we've been through. Vivien : I've got some stuff I want to... unpack down in the kitchen. I appreciate that you're trying. I'm trying, too. Ben : Okay. Vivien : It's just gonna take some time. (Vivien leaves the room) [SCENE_BREAK] (Violet, smoking, is crossing the yard of her new high school. She walks past a group of girls talking) Leah: So I let him. Becca : You coke off your nipples? Leah : They were numb for, like, two days. (Leah sees Violet smoking and walks after her) Leah : Hey! Student council passed a rule against smoking in public spaces. Becca : Secondhand smoke kills. Violet : I'm new, I didn't know. (Violet drops her cigarette end and crushes it) Leah : What the hell is wrong with you? People sit here, they eat here. Violet : You don't know me. Why are you doing this? Becca : Leah's grandmother died of lung cancer. She takes this stuff pretty seriously. (Leah picks the cigarette up) Leah : Eat it... eat it or I'm gonna kick the sh1t out of you. Violet : No. What? Abby : Come on, Leah, that's enough. Leah : No, no, no, I want to see her eat it. Violet : No. No. Leah : Eat it, eat it. Becca : Leah, seriously, she's like 12. (Leah tries to force the cigarette into Violet's mouth, but Violet spits at her. Leah screams) Leah : You are dead! You are dead! [SCENE_BREAK] (Vivien is removing the living room's wallpaper) Vivien : Whoo! Addie : You're going to die in here. (Vivien, startled, screams) Vivien : Who are you? What are you doing? What are you doing here? (A woman, Constance, comes into the living romm) Constance : Adelaide. Adelaide. Adelaide. Adelaide, I put on "Dora the Explorer" for you, so you would sit and watch it. Addie : It was "Go, Diego, Go!" I don't like it. Constance : Oh, brown cartoon characters... you can't tell the difference. Vivien : Excuse me. Constance : Hi. Vivien : Hi. Constance : I'm Constance, your neighbor from next door, and this is my girl Adelaide. Vivien : Hello. Constance : Go home, Addy, now. That girl is a monster. I love her and I'm a good Christian, but Jesus H. Christ. You know, if they had invented some of those tests a few years ago, I would have... Vivien : How'd you get into my house? Constance : You left your back door open. Although I have to tell you, Addie will always find a way in. She has a bug up her ass about this house, always has. You have the loveliest things. Vivien : Thank you. Constance : Have you got a dog? Vivien : I-I do have a dog, yes. Constance : I run a little kennel out of my house, doggy day care kind of a thing. Vivien : How nice. Constance : Well, I prefer purebreds. I adore the beauty of a long line, but there's always room in my home for mongrels. Oh... Oh, my. Look at those earrings. Are those real diamonds? Not that Home Shopping sh1t. Vivien : No. Constance : I used to have diamonds like that. Different pair for every day of the week. Did your husband give them to you? Vivien : He did. Constance : Hmm? Vivien : Mm-hmm. Constance : They always do when you're young and pretty. Vivien : Are you Southern? Constance : Proud Virginian. The Old Dominion, born and bred. Thank you for noticing. I came out here to be a movie star. Did the screen tests and everything, but... nudity was the big deal then. The morals were just beginning to collapse, and I wasn't about to have my green pasture flashed 70 feet high for every man, woman, and child to see, so I took that little butterfly of a dream and put it in a jar on the shelf, and, uh, soon after, came the Mongoloid and, of course, I couldn't work after that. Vivien : It has been so great to meet you. I just... you know, I wasn't prepared for guests at all. Constance : I'm gone. Oh, I brought you this. You know, a little, um, housewarming. Vivien : Thank you. Constance : Addie wanted to bake you a pie, but she tends to spit in the cooking, so I thought this would be better. Help get rid of some of that bad juju. I don't remember your name. Vivien : Right, no, I never got a chance to tell you my name. Constance : Oh. Vivien : My name is Vivien Harmon. Constance : Anyway... relax and enjoy. Let me know if you need any help with that pup. Vivien : Will do. Constance : I'm glad you're getting rid of that wallpaper. I thought those people were supposed to be stylish. It's sage... for cleansing the spirits in the house. Too many bad memories in here. [SCENE_BREAK] (Vivien lights up the sage and wlk down the corridor. She sees a string coming down the ceiling. She pulls on it, a trap opens. She follows the stairs and reaches the attic. She turns on the light and discovers a rubber suit dangling from the ceiling right in front of her. She screams. Ben rushes to her side) Ben : What happened? You okay? Oh, I guess these guys were into the kinky stuff, huh? Would you like to try it on? Vivien : That's not funny. Ben : I think you'd look good in it. (Violet joins them) Violet : What happened? Holy sh1t. Vivien : Let's get rid of it. Come on, let's go downstairs. Come on. Watch the steps. [SCENE_BREAK] (Ben throws the suit into the trash can outside the house) [SCENE_BREAK] (Ben is having a counsel session with a young man, Tate) Ben : So, Tate, these fantasies started two years ago, three years ago, when? Tate : Two years ago. It's always the same. It starts the same way. Ben : How? Tell me. Tate : I prepare for the noble war. (We can see a tattoed Tate walking down a school's corridor. The music "Twisted Nerve" is playing in the background. We can hear Tate talking to Ben at the same time) Tate : I'm calm, I know the secret, I know what's coming, and I know no one can stop me, including myself. Ben : Do you target people who have been mean to you or unkind? Tate : I kill people I like. (Tate enters a studying room. all the students raise their head) Teacher : Can I help you? Tate : Some of them beg for their life. I don't feel sad. I don't feel anything. It's a filthy world we live in. It's a filthy goddamn helpless world, and honestly, I feel like I'm helping to take them away from the sh1t and the piss and the vomit that run in the streets. I'm helping to take them somewhere clean and kind. There's something about all that blood, man. (We can see Violet cutting her wrist with a razor blade in a bathroom) I drown in it. The Indians believed that blood holds all the bad spirits, and once a month in ceremonies they would cut themselves to let the spirits go free. There's something smart about that. Very smart. I like that. (He sees himself standing behind Ben, blood running down his head) You think I'm crazy? Ben : No. I think you're creative. And I think you have a lot of pain you're not dealing with. Tate : My mother's probably worried about me, right? Ben : I'm sure she is. Tate : She's a cocksucker. I mean, literally, a cocksucker. She used to suck the guy off next-door, all the time. My dad found out, and he left. He left me alone with a cocksucker. Can you imagine? How sick is that? Ben : I've heard a lot worse. Tate : Cool. Can you tell me some? I like stories. Ben : No. I can't. Tate : The world is a filthy place. It's a filthy goddamn horror show. There's so much pain, you know? There's so much. [SCENE_BREAK] (Violet is still cutting her wrist. Tate is watching her from the doorstep) Tate : You're doing it wrong. If you're trying to kill yourself, cut vertically. They can't stitch that up. Violet : How'd you get in here? Tate : If you're trying to kill yourself, you might also try locking the door. (Tate pulls the door shut) [SCENE_BREAK] (It's night. We can hear a man whispering indistinctly, distantly. Ben gets up, naked, he is sleep-walking. He comes down the stairs, into the livingroom, put the gaz on and lights up a match and throws it into the fireplace. Vivien, awake, comes after him) Vivien : What are you doing? Ben : Am I on a trip? [SCENE_BREAK] (An old woman dressed in black, Moira, approaches vivien who is spreading her sheets outside to make them dry) Vivien : Can I help you? Moira : I'm Moira O'Hara. I'm the housekeeper. Vivien : Oh. I didn't know the place came with a housekeeper. Moira : Why are you hanging your sheets with a perfectly good electric dryer inside? Vivien : I don't like all those chemicals in the fabric softeners, so I just like to do it naturally. Moira : I work Monday through Thursday. Thanksgiving on, Christmas off. Vivien : Um... Moira : That was the deal with the last fellows. Vivien : I'm sorry. I'm just not sure that we're gonna need a housekeeper. Moira : What have you been using to clean the floorboards? Vivien : Murphy's Oil Soap. Moira : Oh, no. White vinegar. Oil soap kills the wood. Vivien : I like that better. It's more natural. Moira : Have you ever owned a house this old before? Vivien : No. Moira : It has a personality, feelings. Mistreat it, and you'll regret it. May I come in? My cab's left, and I'd like to call another. [SCENE_BREAK] (Vivien and Moira are talking in the kitchen) Vivien : So, you worked for the previous owners? Moira : I've been the housekeeper here for years. They come, they go, I stay. They were both nice boys, the ones before you. I found the bodies. Vivien : What happened? I mean, I hate to gossip... Moira : They fought a lot. Money, I think. But who can know when something so horrible happens? Sometimes people just go mad. I cleaned the mess. You'd never know. Vivien : Can I ask you a personal question? Do you ever get tired of cleaning up other peoples' messes? Moira : We're women. It's what we do. I just get paid for it. Vivien : Yes. (Ben enters the kitchen) Vivien : Oh, hey, this is my husband Ben. Ben, this is Moira O'Hara. She was the housekeeper for the previous owner. (We see Moira from Ben's point of view. She's a gorgeous young woman) Ben : Nice to... meet you. (A car horn honks) Moira : That's my cab. (We are back to Vivien's point of view) I'll use the lavatory first, if you don't mind. Vivien : Sure. What do you think? Ben : What? You-You... You want to hire her? Vivien : Yeah, I mean, she's a little kooky, but she seems trustworthy, she knows the house really well, and I feel like I could just use the help. So... can you start tomorrow? Moira : Thursday's better, but I'll make it work. Vivien : Okay. And you know, Moira, you don't have to wear the housekeeper's uniform. You can just wear your own clothes. Moira : I don't like cleaning peoples' houses in my own clothes. Vivien : What? Ben : Nothing. Just... You just always surprise me. I like that. (Ben starts kissing her. She lets him at first, but then pushes him away) Ben : You're gonna have to forgive me one day. [SCENE_BREAK] (Ben is in his office with Tate) Ben : You mind if I tape this? Tate : No. Ben : You taking your medications? Tate : Yes. Ben : Any side effects? Tate : I was taking them at night, but they kept me up. Ben : And what did you do? Tate : Started taking them in the morning. Ben : Light sensitivity is pretty common. Tate : Maybe. Yeah, I think so. Ben : When I was in medical school, they brought in this CIA interrogator to help us better identify who was lying. This guy was, like, six foot, 50, crew cut. He must have been one hell of an interrogator, because I'll tell you something. I'd be terrified to lie to him. Tate : You think I'm lying to you? Ben : Light sensitivity isn't a side effect of Lexapro, Tate. Tate : So you lied to me. Ben : What is important... that is if you're telling the truth about doing these things to your classmates. If you were actually a danger to society, the law says that I have to report you to the police. Tate : Did you call them? Ben : Not yet. I've treated psychotics before, and people with the right combination of chemical imbalance and psychological damage that can't be reached. Tate : You think that's me? You think I can't get better? Ben : You? (scoffs) You kidding me? You're hopeless. (They both starts laughing) Ben : Everybody can get better, Tate. Everybody. I just think you're scared. Of what, I'm not sure yet. Maybe rejection. Certainly because of what your father did to you. Tate : I was afraid my big dick wouldn't work. Ben : What? (Tate laughs) Tate : Yeah, that's why I didn't take the meds. Ben : Tate. Tate : I was afraid my dick wouldn't work. Because I met someone. [SCENE_BREAK] (Tate is showing his scars to Violet) Tate : This one I did after my dad left. I was ten, I think. Violet : Last week, first day at my new school... sucks. Tate : Westfield, right? The worst. I got thrown out of there. Violet : I hate it here. I hate everyone. All there bourgeoisy designer bullshit. East Coast was much cooler. I mean, at least we had weather. Tate : I love it when the leaves change. Violet : Yeah, me, too. Tate : Why did you move here? Violet : My dad had an affair. My mom literally caught him in the act. Tate : That's horrible. If you love someone, you should never hurt them... never. Violet : Right? I know. And the worst part is that six months earlier, my mom had, like, this brutal miscarriage. (Tate writes "TAINT" on Violet's chalkboard) The baby was seven months old, and we had to have this macabre funeral. Have you ever seen a baby coffin? (Tate sits near Violet and gently touches her wrist) Tate : I'm sorry. Violet : Why are you seeing my dad? Tate : Don't ask questions you already know the answer to. You're smarter than that. (Violet stops the music playing) Violet : Want to listen to Morrissey? He's cool and he's pissy and he hates everyone and everything. Tate : Got any Kurt Cobain on that thing? Ben : What are you doing in here? (Ben is standing at the doorstep of Violet's room) Violet : Just listening to music, Dad. Ben : You need to leave, Tate. I'm sorry. He shouldn't be in here, and I think you know that... please. Tate : What's that thing you think I'm afraid of? Fear of rejection? (Tate walks out of the room) Ben : Stay away from him. Violet : Dad, nothing... Ben : You heard me! (Tate is running down the stairs, upset) Tate : No! Bullet, bullet, bullet! [SCENE_BREAK] (Ben, naked, comes out of the bathroom. The dog is yapping) Ben : Hey, babe, you seen my razor blades? (Ben opens a door and discovers Moira fingering herself onto a chair. He shuts the door, goes into another room and gives himself a hand-job, crying) Larry : Your family is in danger. (Ben lifts a curtain and sees a man with half his face burned, Larry, standing in his garden, looking right at him. After putting a dressing robe on, Ben runs outside to catch him but the man is nowhere to be found) [SCENE_BREAK] (Vivien comes home after some shopping and puts her bag onto the couter of the kitchen. She hears some popping sound, turns around and sees that all the cabinets door are now open. She hears a girl laughing) Vivien : What are you doing? (Addie is laughing) Vivien : Why are you in my house? (Troy and Bryan appear behind Vivien. Still laughing, Addie sees them and points her finger at them but Vivien can't see the twins) [SCENE_BREAK] (Vivien, Ben, Addie and Constance are in the kitchen) Vivien : I want you to stay out of my house. Do you understand? Constance : Can I smoke in here? Vivien : No. Adelaide, answer me, please. Addie : Can I pet your dog? Vivien : No, Adelaide, I want you to stay out of the house. I want you to stop coming in and opening things up and telling me that I'm going to die. Ben : She said that? (Constance laughs) Constance : She says that to everybody. Say you're sorry, Addie. Addie : No, they did it. Vivien : Who did it? Addie : The twins. Constance : Shh. Addie : Can I... pet your dog? Vivien : No, Adelaide, listen to me. I want you to stop coming in here without permission. Am I clear? Ben : Vivien. Vivien : Am I clear? Addie : Yes. Vivien : Thank you. Constance : Time to go, Addie. (Addie croutches to pet the dog but he bites her) Ben : Hallie! Vivien : Are you okay? Addie : She shouldn't have done that. Constance : Sorry about all this. You touch my kid one more time and I will break your goddamn arm. [SCENE_BREAK] (Ben is on the phone with someone about Tate) Ben : No! I have no evidence of any past violence. No, I don't have his social. Listen, do not transfer me again. I'm trying to report a patient of high school age, that I believe could be dangerous. Yes. Yes, I'll hold. Unbelievable. (The door rolls open. Moira enters the room) Moira : May I clean in here? Ben : It's not a good time, Moira. Moira : It's Thursday. I get off in 20 minutes. If I don't do it now, it's not getting done until Monday. Am I distracting you? (She open her blouse and grops her breast) Why don't you touch me a little? Ben : Get out. Moira : What are you afraid of? Your wife's not home. She's probably at Pilates. I won't tell. (She unhooks her garter belt) Ben : Oh, God. Moira : I didn't tell when you saw me playing with myself the other day. Ben : Please, just go. Moira : Did you touch yourself after? (She leans above him) Ben : Please just go. Moira : You did. Do it again. Show me. (The door creaks, Violet is watching them) Ben : Oh, sh1t. Violet! Violet! Damn it! [SCENE_BREAK] (Violet and Leah are fighting violently at school) Violet : I'm not scared of you! Leah : Should be! Kids : Fight, fight, fight! (Violet picks up a cigarette still lit up and smashes it onto Leah's hand. Leah screams) Leah : Oh, she friggin' burned me! [SCENE_BREAK] (Vivien just finished putting off the wallpaper of the living room. Ben comes in) Ben : In my professional opinion, whoever painted this wall had some deep psychological issues. Vivien : I thought you had a patient. Ben : Ah, they bailed. You want some help cleaning up? Vivien : Yeah. Thanks. Ben : This thing doesn't tweak you out? Vivien : There's something about it that I find... really comforting. Ben : One of my psych professors told me that people tell stories to cope with their fears. All art and myths are just creations to give us some sense of control over the things we're scared of. Afraid of dying, create reincarnation. Afraid of evil, create a benevolent God who sends evildoers to Hell. Vivien : I think I just like that I don't have to think while I do it. Ben : Okay. I always thought you were prettiest like this. No makeup. Messy hair. A little sweaty. Vivien : I'm old. Ben : Stop. You're beautiful. You are. Vivien : No. Ben... (Ben comes behind her and starts touching her) Ben : Violet won't be home for an hour. Vivien : No. Okay, Ben? No. Ben : Come on, babe. Vivien : Ben... No. (She liberates herself from his embrace) Vivien : Sorry. Just no. (Ben, upset, shoots into a bucket) Ben : How long, Viv? How long are you going to punish me for? Vivien : I'm not punishing you, you narcissistic asshole! I'm trying to figure out how to forgive you for having s*x with one of your students. You want me to have s*x with you? I can't even look at your face, Ben, without seeing the expression on it while you were pile-driving her in our bed! Ben : I screwed up! How many times do I have to say it? I'm sorry! I was hurting, too. Vivien : Oh... I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Did, did the, did the life that was growing inside you die? And did you have to carry that around in your belly? The dead corpse of our baby son? Did you have to go into labor, and deliver our child? Dead? Ben : My son died too! My baby died, too! Vivien : And you buried your sorrow in some 21-year-old's pussy. Ben : You know, I could show you statistics on how many men cheat after a miscarriage. I was there for you, Viv. I was patient, and understanding, and caring... and I put your feelings first. Vivien : My hero. Ben : You know, I don't even know how to say this without coming off like an asshole, I really don't. Vivien : You know what? Just go ahead. Really. Never stopped you before. Ben : You're so angry, why don't you really tell it like it is? Six months of therapy with you apologizing, and crying, was bullshit. So, please, tell me how you really feel. You got a dog. I needed you, and you got a dog. Vivien : Oh...! Ben : It was me you should have been curling up with at night! Not a dog! Vivien : Oh, so... Ben : I needed you! Vivien : You needed me? So she was revenge, because you needed me, because I wasn't there for you in your time of need? Now I get it! Ben : We haven't had s*x in almost a year. Vivien : Yeah... you think I don't know that? Ben : October 20th. We had great s*x, babe. It was loving and sexy and personal, and even a little, even a little weird. I love you. I moved across country for you. Because, in all my life, the only thing I've been truly scared of is losing you; losing this family. Something horrible happened to us. And we handled it even more horribly. But this... this place... is our second chance, babe. It's our second chance. But I just... I just need to know that you want it, too. Tell me, honey. (Ben takes her face in his hands, but she pushes him away) Ben : What are you doing? Viv... Stop it. What are you doing? (They kiss violently and lie down on the floor) Ben : We're going to be happy here. [SCENE_BREAK] (Vivien puts a bowl of water in front of her dog) Vivien : Here you go, Hallie. Good girl. (Violet comes home) Vivien : Hey. Whoa. Come here. What happened to your face? Violet : Fell down. Vivien : Come here. Sit, sit, sit. Boy or girl? Violet : Girls. Three of them. Vivien : Hope they look worse than you do. You know their names? Violet : I'm not narking. Vivien : You know, we can easily move you to a different school. There are a lot of really good private schools right in this neighborhood. Violet : I'm not running away. I'm not scared of them. Not afraid of anything. Vivien : It's like that time in kindergarten, when you insisted that I bring you home from the slumber party 'cause all the other girls were sleeping with the nightlight on. I know you've gotten the short end of the stick, lately. This move, and...your dad and I haven't exactly been great to be around. Violet : Why don't you guys get divorced, if you're so miserable? Vivien : We still love each other. Violet : You could've fooled me. I thought you hated each other. Well, at least you hated him. I don't blame you. He was a shithead. Sorry. Vivien : It's okay. He was a shithead. You know, we got a lot of history. Your dad's been through a lot, I've been through a lot. Guess we need each other. What are you scared of? Violet : You said I'm not scared of anything, so... what scares you? Vivien : Lately? Everything. Life will do that to you. [SCENE_BREAK] (Violet is pacing in her room, talking to Tate) Violet : I hate her! I just want to kill her! Tate : Then do it! One less high school bitch making the lives of the less fortunate more tolerable is, in my opinion, a public service. Look, you want her to leave you alone? Stop making your life a living hell? Short of killing her, there's only one solution. Scare her. Make her afraid of you. It's the only thing bullies react to. Violet : How? Tate : It's simple. You simply walk up to her and say, "Here's the deal: I need you to stop harassing me. I got what you want. Drugs. Come to my house tomorrow for your free sample. I'm a dealer, and a good one. I got the best sh1t in town." Violet : She's a cokehead. I don't have coke. Tate : You won't need any. It's just an excuse to get her here. After that, she'll leave empty-handed and terrified. And I promise you, you'll never be bothered by her again. Violet : How am I going to terrify her? Tate : Helter-skelter! That's where I come in. [SCENE_BREAK] (Vivien is putting some cream onto her legs when she sees a man in the rubber suit standing before her. She assumes it's Ben) Vivien : Hot. I thought I told you to throw that thing away. Oh, you're not talking? Well, I'll give you points for creativity. We were pretty hot this afternoon. You really want to go for round two, huh? Come on. I can be kinky. (At the same time, in the kitchen, Ben, sleep-walking naked,lights up the stove and puts his hand above the flames. In the bedroom, Vivien is having s*x with Rubber-Man. In the kitchen, Constance arrives and takes Ben's hand away from the stove) Constance : Now is not your time. Enjoy the house. Go back to bed. [SCENE_BREAK] (Ben goes back into the bedroom. Vivien is in bed, her back to him) Vivien : I love you. Ben (flatly): I love you, too. [SCENE_BREAK] (Leah and Violet comes down the stairs, to the basement) Leah : What's down there? Violet : My stash. Parents toss my room every week. Leah : If you're screwing with me... Violet : It's just the basement. I found the best hiding place. This is great sh1t, too. All the coke coming to the U.S. from Central America smuggled in on lobster boats in Gloucester. I used to show my boobs to the lobstermen in return for a key or two before they cut it. Leah : So where is it? Violet : Right around the corner. To the right. Leah : This place is a dump. Violet : Oh, shut up. Leah : I want my goddamn drugs. Violet : Then keep going. (Violet switch the light on. Tate is sitting in the middle of the room) Tate : So this is the coke whore. Leah : Who the hell are you? Tate : Get the lights. (Violet turns off the light. The light is now flickering, Tate laughs crazily) Leah : What is going on?! What is going on?! (In the flickering light, we can catch sight of Infantata) Tate : Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! (Tate throws himself onto Leah who starts screaming) Leah : Get off of me! Get off of me! (At some point, Infantata takes Tate's place onto Leah, while Tate appears behind Violet, who starts screaming too) Leah : Get off me! Get off me! Violet : Stop! Stop! Please, stop! (Violet screams while Infantata's hand slowly approaches Leah's face) Leah : Mommy...? (Infantata starts slashing Leah's face. Violet finally puts the light on. Leah is layong on the floor, Infantata is nowhere to be found. Tate is back on his rocking chair, a weird grin on his face) Violet : Will you wait?! Tate : I don't think she'll be bothering you anymore. Violet : What was that?! Tate : What are you talking about? She hit me in the balls and got away. She must have run into a wall or something. Violet : No, I saw something! Tate : What are you talk...? Violet, you're talking crazy. This is cool. We showed that bitch. Violet : Get out! I never want to see you again! (Violet pushes Tate away and runs up the stairs) Tate : I thought you weren't afraid of anything! [SCENE_BREAK] (Ben is jogging. A brown car is following him. Ben joggs down a dusty path, he takes a look behind him and sees Larry running after him. Ben surprises Larry from behind) Ben : Who are you and why are you following me?! Larry : Your family is in danger! [SCENE_BREAK] (Ben and Larry are sitting on a bench) Ben : What happened to you? Larry : Pretty, aren't I? It's over 70% of my body. I'm Larry Harvey. And you have to get out of that house. Ben : I could have you arrested, you know. Peeking in people's windows is still a crime. Larry : Even in L.A., they're not gonna put me back into jail. I have brain cancer. Terminal, inoperable. Ben : I'm sorry. Larry : Don't be. That's the only reason they let me out. Homicide. Triple homicide. I was in that house for six months before I started hearing voices. My wife thought I was working too hard. My daughter Angie was six. The older one, Margaret, was ten. She looked like her mother. That's funny how it skips a generation like that. I killed them... all. (We see Larry's story unfolding while he relates to Ben what he did to his family) Larry : Lorraine was ill that night. She took a pill. She went to bed early, my wife. And then I, uh, I put the girls down, and then the voices started. (eerie, distorted whispering) They told me what to do. I was like... an obedient child. (Larry starts crying) Larry : I... I don't know how I put myself out. I remember that night... but it's like a dream. Have you been sleepwalking? Yeah... Look at my case. Read the transcript. Ben : Listen to me, I'm a doctor. They may not put you back in jail, but I can certainly have you committed to a state mental institution. And trust me, those places make prison look like Club Med. Leave my family alone! Do you hear me? Larry : Please, please, please, you have to get out of there! That place is evil. Ben : Get off of me! Leave us alone! Leave us alone! (Ben runs away. Larry grins) [SCENE_BREAK] (Constance is trying Vivien's hearrings. Moira catches her) Moira : Put those earrings back. Constance : Jesus H. Christ. You almost gave me a heart attack. Moira : Those belonged to Madam. This is her house, not yours. Constance : Why is it that it is always the old whore who acts the part of a moralistic prude? I'd be nervous if I were you, too. When things go missing, they always blame the new maid. I'd move if I were you. Don't make me kill you again. [SCENE_BREAK] (Ben is sitting in the kitchen when Vivien comes home) Vivien : Hey. Ben : Hey. Vivien : What do you want for dinner? Ben : Whatever you want. Vivien : I think I want Indian food. Ben : You only like Indian food when you're pregnant... Really? Vivien : Mm. Ben : Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh...! -[End]-

The Harmon family moves from Boston to Los Angeles to recover from mother Vivien's miscarriage and father Ben's infidelity with one of his students. Their daughter Violet starts at a new school, only to be terrorized by a group of girls. The family deals with intrusive neighbors Constance and her daughter, Addie, who has Down syndrome , along with Larry, a previous homeowner who set fire to his entire family. Larry's face is severely scarred. Ben, a psychiatrist, sees patients out of his home; one of them, a possibly psychotic boy named Tate, who becomes friends with Violet. Vivien rehires the house's former housekeeper, an elderly Moira, who appears to Ben as a young, seductive maid. Ben and Vivien eventually have sex, once after a fight, and later while she thinks he has dressed up in a bondage suit. She later tells Ben she's pregnant.

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•I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you really want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. DO NOT POST MY TRANSCRIPT ON YOUR SITE WITHOUT MY NAME ON IT! • I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. [SCENE_BREAK] No teaser. Episode opens right where "Two To Go" left off. [SCENE_BREAK] Act I [SCENE_BREAK] Open on Buffy lying on the floor of the Magic Box. She lifts her head, sits up and stares toward the door. BUFFY: Giles? Giles just stands there with a grim expression. Anya, on the floor in another part of the magic shop, also looks over as she stands up. ANYA: Giles? Giles still doesn't respond to either of them. WILLOW: (O.S.) Uh oh. Reveal Willow still lying on the floor where Giles's blast of magic threw her. WILLOW: (sarcastic) Daddy's home. I'm in wicked trouble now. Willow sits up and wipes her bloody nose with her hand, looks at the blood, wipes again. Her hair is still black and her face still covered with dark veins, although her eyes are normal. GILES: You have no idea. (Willow sitting up) You have to stop what you're doing. WILLOW: (fake smile) Uhh, sorry. Can't do that. (Giles walking closer) I'm not finished yet. Willow starts trying to get up, somewhat shaky. GILES: Neither am I. Stay down. Giles gestures at Willow with one hand and she falls back onto the floor, wincing. ANYA: (softly to Giles) How'd you do that? Giles ignores Anya, still completely focused on Willow. WILLOW: (small laugh) That's borrowed power. No way is it gonna be strong enough- GILES: I'm here to help you. WILLOW: (rolling eyes) Thanks, but I can kill a couple geeks all by myself. (Giles walking slowly closer) But, hey, if you'd like to watch ... I mean, that's what you Watchers are good at, right? Watching? Butting in on things that don't concern you? GILES: You concern me, Willow. Stay on this path and you'll wind up dead. BUFFY: Willow. Listen to him. I don't want to fight you anymore. WILLOW: I don't want to fight you either. (looking at Giles) I wanna fight him. Willow starts to get up again, not normally but with magic, rising up to her feet without apparent effort. GILES: Stay down. Giles makes his gesture again but Willow makes one of her own and blocks him. WILLOW: No. Giles looks a little alarmed. Buffy looks wary, moves over to stand beside Giles. WILLOW: Remember that little spat we had before you left? (shot of Anya watching nervously) When you were under the delusion that you were still relevant here? (walking closer) You called me a rank, arrogant amateur. Well buckle up, Rupert... Anya, Buffy, and Giles continue to watch Willow uneasily. Suddenly a magic light from nowhere begins to light up Willow's body, and her eyes go black again as a humming noise begins to rise in pitch and volume. WILLOW: (deep resonant voice) 'Cause I've turned pro. The humming/whirring noise continues as Willow begins a spell. WILLOW: Asmodea, bring forth-- GILES: (gesturing) Vincire! Green magic energy shoots from Giles's hand and forms a band around Willow's torso, pinning her arms against her body. It glows with a green light that makes Willow's skin appear green too. WILLOW: What? No! Get off! (struggling) Solvo, libero... Giles continues holding out his hand toward her. Suddenly Willow throws back her head and closes her eyes, apparently unconscious. Her body floats up into the air and hovers about a foot off the ground. The band of magic holding her changes to a more contained blue-grey color. Anya and Buffy watch warily. Buffy moves closer to Giles. Willow continues to float in midair. BUFFY: What did you do? GILES: Contained her and her powers within a binding field. It puts her in a kind of ... stasis for the time- Giles looks at Buffy for the first time, pauses. Buffy continues staring at Willow. GILES: You cut your hair. Buffy looks at him, gets teary and hugs him. Anya watches them hugging. She walks up behind them and fidgets for a moment. ANYA: I'm blonde. Giles and Buffy look at her, still with their arms around each other. ANYA: I, I colored my hair. (pauses) Again. I'm blonde. GILES: Yes, I noticed. Giles holds out one arm and Anya joins the hug. After a moment Giles disengages from Anya and Buffy, looks at Willow again. He walks over to Willow who is still floating in the air, unconscious, with her head hanging back. GILES: I'm very sorry about Tara. Giles looks sad, stands there for a moment, starts to walk away. WILLOW: This... Giles pauses, looks at her in surprise. Willow opens her eyes a little and cranes her neck toward him. WILLOW: ...won't hold me ... forever. Giles looks a bit alarmed. Buffy and Anya look grim. Cut to later. Buffy and Giles are in the workout room at the back of the magic shop. Buffy stands by the pommel horse while Giles is picking nervously at the practice dummy in a corner. GILES: I came as soon as I heard. BUFFY: The Council? GILES: The Council haven't a clue. About much of anything, really. (walking toward Buffy, leaning on the horse) No, there's an ... an extremely powerful coven in Devon. They sensed the rise of a dangerous magical force here in Sunnydale. A dark force, fueled by grief. BUFFY: Willow. GILES: I'd so hoped it wasn't her. (pauses) And then a seer in the coven told me about Tara. That's when the coven ... imbued me with their powers. BUFFY: And sent you here to bring Willow down. GILES: (looks at her) Buffy, what's happened here? BUFFY: (pacing) God. I don't even know where to start. GILES: Well, Willow's clearly been abusing the magicks. BUFFY: (nods) She has. She was ... and I barely even noticed. Giles, everything's just been so... (sighs) Xander left Anya at the altar, and Anya's a vengeance demon again... (Giles looking shocked) Dawn's a total klepto ... money's been so tight that I've been slinging burgers at the Doublemeat Palace ... (looks down at the floor) And I've been sleeping with Spike. Buffy pauses, looks up at Giles, looks as if she can't believe she just said that. Giles stares at her. She looks away again, embarrassed. Suddenly Giles starts laughing. He covers his mouth with his hand but can't stop. Buffy stares at him, pouty. GILES: (trying to calm down) Sorry. He bursts out laughing again. Buffy rolls her eyes, now just looks amused. Giles keeps laughing and slowly Buffy starts to laugh too. They both stand there laughing. Cut to the main Magic Box room. Anya is cleaning up some of the debris on the floor. She puts a bunch of stuff into a small basket and carries it toward the counter, past the still floating Willow. Willow's eyes open slightly and she watches Anya walk across the room. Her voice echoes between them although her mouth doesn't move. WILLOW: (telepathically) Anya... Anya turns around, looks at Willow nervously. ANYA: Willow. WILLOW: (telepathically) I need you, Anya. I need you to do something for me. Anya twists her hands together nervously, gathers her nerve and moves a little closer to Willow. ANYA: I know what you're trying to do. And I hate to burst your bubble, but that mind control mojo doesn't work on vengeance demons, so why don't you just- WILLOW: (telepathically) Stop talking and listen. ANYA: (nods) Okay. WILLOW: (telepathically)You need to free me. ANYA: (uncertain) No. Anya turns and starts walking toward the back. WILLOW: (telepathically) You don't want to call out to them. (Anya stops) You want to take away this binding spell. ANYA: (turns back toward Willow) I don't know how. WILLOW: (telepathically) I do. Do you want me to tell you? Anya hesitates, looking anxious. Cut back to the workout room. Buffy and Giles are still laughing helplessly. Buffy is leaning over the pommel horse. GILES: (laughing) Duct tape? BUFFY: (laughing) On their mouths. So the demon could eat them... GILES: Because they were figments. More laughing. BUFFY: All of it! You, Sunnydale ... And I was just some nutcase in L.A. GILES: (still laughing) Of course. Why didn't we see it before? Slowly they stop laughing, and look much calmer than before. Buffy holds her stomach. GILES Can you forgive me? BUFFY: For what? GILES: I should never have left. BUFFY: No. You were right to leave. We're just ... stupid. GILES: I know you're all stupid. (Buffy smiling) I should never have abandoned you. BUFFY: No. Giles, you were right about everything. It is time I was an adult. GILES: Sometimes the most adult thing you can do is ... ask for help when you need it. BUFFY: Now you tell me. They smile. Giles chuckles a little. BUFFY: (quietly) I guess ... I wasn't ready before. It took a long time for that feeling to go away ... the feeling that I wasn't really here. It was like ... when I clawed my way out of that grave, I left something behind. Part of me. I just... (pauses, looks Giles in the eye) I don't understand ... why I'm back. GILES: You have a calling. BUFFY: But it was my time, Giles. Someone would have taken my place. (Giles grimacing) So why? Giles looks away, pensive, not answering. BUFFY: Right. (sighs) What's gonna happen to Willow? Giles looks at her, straightens up. GILES: Well, the coven is working on a ... way to extract her powers without ... killing her. And, uh, should she survive, you ought to know, Buffy, that there's no guarantee she'll ... be as she was. (Buffy looking concerned) Willow has killed a human being. How will she be able to live with herself? WILLOW: (O.S.) I wouldn't worry about that. Giles and Buffy turn toward the doorway. We see Anya hovering in the doorway, apparently unconscious. Giles and Buffy stare in alarm. Willow moves out from behind Anya. Her eyes are black again. WILLOW: Willow doesn't live here anymore. Willow lets go of Anya and she falls to the floor. Zoom in on Buffy looking alarmed. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act II [SCENE_BREAK] Open on the same scene. Willow stands in the doorway over Anya's unconscious body. Buffy looks at Giles, then starts forward to attack Willow. Willow lifts her hand and sends a bolt of magic at Buffy, who flies back, crashes against the wall opposite, and falls to the ground. Giles watches this with alarm, then starts toward Willow himself. GILES: Vincire! Giles holds out a hand toward Willow, sending another binding spell toward her, but she waves her hand at it. WILLOW: Solutum. The binding field dissolves. Giles lowers his hand. Willow takes a few steps into the room. WILLOW: (small smile) Fool me once... On the wall behind Willow we see a variety of knives and throwing-weapons hanging in a case. They suddenly lift off the wall and hover in the air. GILES: Willow... WILLOW: (shaking a finger) Shame on you. The knives begin to fly toward Giles. He looks to his left and yells something. The practice dummy flies over in front of Giles, and all the knives slam into it. Willow makes an angry face and waves her hand. The dummy falls aside. Giles looks determined, makes a ball of magic in his hand and throws it at Willow. GILES: Excudo! Willow flies backward into the brick wall and through it into the main Magic Box room behind. She slams into a pillar that supports the upper loft, and falls to the floor in a shower of bricks, debris, etc. Cut to: exterior residential street, night. Dawn and Xander walk along, with Jonathan and Andrew behind them. DAWN: Where are we going? XANDER: I have no idea. DAWN: What? XANDER: I don't know, okay? I can't even run away well. And that's something I'm usually good at. DAWN: Maybe we should we go back and help. XANDER: Yeah, 'cause I've been such a big help already. Standing around like a monkey while Buffy gets shot. Tara's dead ... and Willow ... losing... DAWN: (annoyed) Well, feeling sorry for yourself isn't helping either, Xander, okay? Beat. Dawn has a calculating expression. DAWN: You know, if Spike were here, he'd go back and fight. XANDER: Sure, if he wasn't too busy trying to rape your sister. Dawn stops walking and stares. DAWN: What?! Xander pauses, then continues walking, shaking his head. XANDER: Forget it. DAWN: (following) I don't believe you. XANDER: Fine. DAWN: (uncertain) He wouldn't do that. XANDER: Is this blind spot like a genetic trait with the Summers women? The only useful thing Spike ever did was finally leave town. Cut to the cave in Africa. Weird screaming and screeching noises, sounds of punching. Something goes flying across the dark cave, hits the ground and rolls into a convenient patch of light. It's a bald demon head with big pointy ears. Pan up to reveal Spike who strolls in holding another demon head in one hand. He's bare-chested and bruised in many places. SPIKE: Well, that was a bloody doddle and piece o'piss. He staggers and goes to his knees wearily, but maintains his sarcastic tone. SPIKE: Got any more ruddy tests for me, you ponce? I'll take anything you can throw at me, if it'll get me what I need to take care of the Slayer. Give her what's coming to her. (sniffs angrily) So you just bring it on. Bring on the whole- He pauses, looks confused. Weird skittering noises. SPIKE: Bloody hell. We see Spike from the waist up as lots and lots of large black insects, maybe beetles, start crawling up his body. They swarm up his chest and neck and onto his face as he squeezes his eyes shut and grunts in distaste. Cut to: magic shop, main room. The pillar is lying on the floor and furniture, sparking occasionally with electricity. Pan slowly across the wreckage of the shop, which has taken quite a beating from all the fighting. Pan down to reveal a large wooden piece of furniture (bookcase?) lying on its side. Next to it is a pile of books, some of which are on fire. A pair of feet walk up next to the books. Pan up to reveal Willow. Still wearing all black (though her clothes are now dirty), still with the veiny face and the black hair. Her eyes are normal. There's a cut across her cheek. She smiles. WILLOW: That all you got, Jeeves? Reveal Giles standing in the doorway to the workout room. He looks very tired and bruised. His clothes are dirty also. WILLOW: 'Cause, I could stand to go another ten rounds. Whereas ... you can barely stand. GILES: (wearily) Your powers ... may be undeniably greater. But I can still hurt you if I have to. WILLOW: Boy, you just don't get it, do you? Nothing can hurt me now. She lifts a hand to indicate her bloody face. WILLOW: This? She waves her hand in front of her face and the cut heals. WILLOW: ...is nothing. It's all ... nothing. GILES: I see. If you lose someone you love ... the other people in your life who care about you... Buffy appears in the doorway behind Giles, watching. GILES: ...become meaningless. I wonder what Tara would say about that. WILLOW: (grimly) You can ask her yourself. Willow lifts her hand and sends a bolt of magic toward Giles. Buffy rushes forward, pushes Giles forward and out from under the loft. And just in time, as the latest magical blast destroys the loft's stability and the whole thing comes tumbling down. Buffy and Giles land in a heap on the floor, books and rubble raining down on them. Buffy lifts herself up on her elbows to look at Willow. WILLOW: You're always saving everyone. It's kinda pesky. Willow looks down at the burning stuff next to her. She bends down and picks up a ball of flame in her hand. Buffy stares. WILLOW: You probably even think you're buying escape time for Jonathan and the other one. Well, I got a little secret for ya. (Buffy looking upset) I can kill them from anywhere I want. (looking at the ball of flame) With this. Willow waves her other hand over the ball of flame and it begins to grow. WILLOW: It'll find them. It'll bury them. (Giles lifting his head painfully) Along with anyone helping those Dead Men Walking. Buffy gets painfully to her feet, staring at the ball of flame. BUFFY: Don't. WILLOW: (mockingly) Unless ... somebody, somehow ... can get there in time to save them. (pause) Huh. Oh, well. She throws the ball up into the air. It bursts through the ceiling, leaving a large hole. WILLOW: Fly, my pretty, fly. The ball of fire disappears through the hole. We can see stars above. WILLOW: (to Buffy, smiling) See what I did there? Buffy looks down at the injured Giles. GILES: Go. Buffy runs past Willow and toward the door. WILLOW: Good luck. Willow turns her attention back to Giles. WILLOW: Thought she'd never leave. (walking toward him) Now I finally have you all to myself. Cut to the street. Buffy runs out onto the sidewalk, looks up and sees the fireball flying away several dozen feet off the ground. She runs after it. Cut back to the magic shop. Willow paces back and forth. WILLOW: You're such a hypocrite. Waltzing in here with your borrowed magicks. So you can tell me what? Magic's bad? Behave? Be a good girl? (chuckles) Well, I ... I don't think you're in any position to be telling me what to do. Willow looks up. Pan up to reveal Giles pinned against the ceiling, groaning in pain. WILLOW: Do you? Willow gestures with one finger and Giles falls to the floor. He lands hard, on his stomach, and stays there making pained faces. He still has blood all over his face. WILLOW: (scornful) I used to think you had all the answers. That I had so much to learn from you. GILES: Willow... She gestures again. Giles flies up to the ceiling again, groaning as he slams into it. WILLOW: (looking up at him) You were jealous. Still are. Just couldn't bear that I was the one with power. That's why you ran away. GILES: Incurso! Green magic flies from Giles's mouth and hits Willow. WILLOW: That's why you- She stumbles backward from the magic blow, and Giles falls to the floor again. WILLOW: (panting) That ... was rude! Now I forgot what I was saying. GILES: (painfully) Perhaps you're not as strong ... as you think you are. Willow glares at Giles as he struggles to get up. GILES: You're expending way too much of your mystical energy to maintain your powers. At this rate you're going to ... burn out. And up. WILLOW: (annoyed) Blah blah blah. GILES: (on his knees) Willow, you ... you need to stop. WILLOW: What I need... Suddenly she moves forward with magic speed and is next to Giles, grabbing him. WILLOW: ...is a little pick-me-up. She puts her hand on Giles's chest and it glows with orange-red energy. Giles gasps in pain. Close shot on Willow's hand as she drains energy out of Giles. Suddenly she lets him go and staggers backward. Giles falls over on his back. WILLOW: Whoa. Head rush. She stumbles against the counter and slides down it to sit on the floor, her image blurring. She gasps and pants with pleasure. WILLOW: Wow. Whoa. Who's your supplier? This is ... wow. Shot of Giles lying there barely conscious. WILLOW: It's incredible. (panting) I mean, I am so juiced ... Giles, it's like ... no ... mortal person has ... ever had ... this much power. Ever. It's like I, I'm connected to everything ... I can feel ... it feels like ... I ... I can feel... She pauses and her smile begins to fade. WILLOW: ...everyone. Oh. Oh my God. All the emotion. All the pain. No, it, it's too much. It's just too much. GILES: (weakly) Willow ... It doesn't have to be ... like that. You ... you can stop it. Willow is bent over now with her hands on the floor as if in pain. WILLOW: (panting) Yeah. I, I can. I have to stop this. (getting up) I'll make it go away. GILES: Willow... WILLOW: Oh, you poor bastards! Magic begins to swirl around Willow and she lifts into the air. Lightning flashes around her body. WILLOW: Your suffering has to end. A cloud of magic like a tornado gathers around her and she disappears. GILES: No... Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act III [SCENE_BREAK] Open on a close shot of a wall or door, and a foot kicking it. XANDER: (O.S.) Ow. (kicks again) Ow. Cut to wider shot. We're in a cemetery and Xander is kicking the door of a crypt, repeating "ow" with each kick. A few yards away Dawn stands watching. Pan past Dawn to discover Jonathan and Andrew at another crypt, using their swords in an attempt to pry the door open. JONATHAN: Ow! Son of a bitch! ANDREW: Buttwipe! JONATHAN: I wasn't talking to you. ANDREW: Oh. Reflex. XANDER: (still kicking) Man, they've really tightened security up here lately. One too many squatters from the Hellmouth. Andrew and Jonathan walk toward Xander. ANDREW: (sarcastic) Hide out in the cemetery. What a fantastic idea. XANDER: Yeah, I'm working on a whole "shut the hell up" pitch you might like too. DAWN: (noticing something above and behind them) Xander? XANDER: (to Andrew) I've had just about as much as I can stand baby-sitting a couple of social retards who don't appreciate- DAWN: Xander! XANDER: What? DAWN: What is that? Xander moves closer to her and looks up where she's looking. The Nerds look too. We see Willow's fireball flying toward them. BUFFY: (O.S.) Get out of there! In the distance we see Buffy running toward the others, leaping over headstones and such. BUFFY: Move! She leaps forward and grabs both Jonathan and Andrew, pulling them to the ground. The fireball hits the ground between them and all five are thrown to the ground. Xander hits his head on a tombstone. Dawn falls down but immediately starts trying to crawl toward Buffy. The earth shakes and Dawn staggers. BUFFY: Dawn! Dawn, hold on. Buffy gets up and tries to reach Dawn but suddenly a huge hole opens up in the ground, right underneath Dawn. Dawn screams as she falls into the hole. Buffy, trying to grab Dawn, also falls. They land on a dirt floor some twenty or thirty feet below. Dirt from the hole rains down on them. Buffy looks up, just in time to see one of the Geeks' swords falling at her. She rolls out of the way just in time. The sword lands with its point in the ground. Dawn stares fearfully. Buffy stands up. The second sword falls next to the first. Dawn continues looking frightened. Buffy brushes dirt off herself and looks around. They're in some sort of cave with uneven rock/dirt walls. Sections of coffins protrude from the walls in various places. They both look up at the hole above them. It doesn't look easily climbable. Cut to above. Andrew and Jonathan get up and walk to the edge of the hole, stare into it. It's dark and we can't really see Dawn and Buffy at the bottom. The Nerds look over at Xander, lying unconscious next to the headstone that he hit. Jonathan turns to Andrew. JONATHAN: Mexico, huh? Andrew looks at him. They turn and run off. Cut to the Magic Box. The door to the workout room opens and Anya comes out. As she walks through the opening, the door falls off its hinges. Anya jumps and gasps, startled. She walks slowly into the main room, looking around at the destruction. Suddenly she spots Giles. ANYA: Giles. She runs over and kneels next to Giles, who is lying on the floor with his eyes closed, unmoving. Anya shakes him slightly. ANYA: Giles! His eyes pop open, staring at the ceiling. Anya looks relieved. GILES: Anya. ANYA: (upset) I'm so sorry. Willow forced me to free her with her brain. Are you okay? GILES: I can see... ANYA: (uncertain) Oh. It's a ... miracle. GILES: Willow ... I can see her. She took the magic I had and ... now ... I know where she is. I can feel what ... Oh, God. ANYA: Giles ... you have to rest. GILES: Silly girl. I'm dying. ANYA: (alarmed) No you're not. GILES: It was ... It was the only way. I thought we ... there'd be a chance ... now ... I know where Willow is. She's going to finish it. ANYA: Finish what? GILES: The world. Anya stares at him. Cut to: shot of the sun rising through clouds. Cut to: shot of the hole in the ground in the cemetery, the morning sunshine lighting it. Cut to: close shot of hands clutching the tree roots that line the edges of the hole. We see Buffy standing on a coffin, attempting to climb up the side of the hole. Dawn stands below, watching anxiously. The roots in Buffy's hands give way and she falls back onto the top of the coffin with a yell. DAWN: Buffy! Buffy quickly scrambles off the coffin and brushes herself off, staring up at the hole. DAWN: Are you okay? BUFFY: We have to get out of here. (yells) Xander! DAWN: I think I saw him hit his head. BUFFY: (yells) Xander! No response. Far above, the girls can see sunny blue sky and palm trees. Buffy goes over to a wall and starts tugging on a wooden coffin that's sticking out of the wall. DAWN: This looks a little like Spike's place. You know, under his crypt. Buffy ignores this, continues tugging frantically. DAWN: What are you doing? BUFFY: If we can pull these out, we can use the coffins for height. (tugging) Maybe get out of here! Buffy looks around, picks up one of the swords and tries to use it to pry the coffin loose. DAWN: Maybe one of the tunnels Spike uses is around here. Uh, we could use it to get to his place. BUFFY: (digging) That's the last place on Earth we need to be. DAWN: (annoyed) Oh, but it was good enough for you to take me there after what he did to you. Buffy finally turns to look at her. BUFFY: What he... DAWN: Tried to do. Whatever. BUFFY: (realizing, annoyed) Xander. DAWN: So it's true? BUFFY: Dawn, you may not have noticed, we're in really big trouble here. This isn't- DAWN: Why did you not tell me? BUFFY: Because you didn't need to know. DAWN: Yes, I do. I need to know! I'm not a kid anymore. BUFFY: (angry) Dawn, I'm trying to protect you. DAWN: (angry) Well, you can't! Look around, Buffy. We're trapped in here! Willow's killing and people I love keep dying! And you cannot protect me from that. Beat. Buffy looks sad as she realizes Dawn is right. BUFFY: (whispers) Dawn... XANDER: (O.S.) Hello? Buffy and Dawn look up. BUFFY: (calls) Xander? We see Xander kneeling by the edge of the pit, looking down. XANDER: Buffy, you okay? Where's Dawn? Shot of the pit from Xander's POV. Dawn moves next to Buffy so he can see her. DAWN: Here. BUFFY: Are Jonathan and Andrew up there with you? Xander looks around. XANDER: No, they musta skedaddled when I was out. Weasels. Whoa! The edge of the pit, where Xander's hands were leaning, gives way. The earth and grass fall into the hole as Xander just barely manages to avoid falling in. BUFFY: Xander, you've gotta find some kind of rope or something and get us out of here. XANDER: (looking around) Right. Okay, I'll, uh, I'll take a look around. BUFFY: And hurry up before- Suddenly Anya appears in front of Buffy, in a shimmer of magic. ANYA: (looking around) Holy frijole! BUFFY: Anya! What are you doing here? Where's Giles? DAWN: Giles? ANYA: He's still at the magic shop. DAWN: Giles is back? (Buffy rolling her eyes) You didn't tell me that. BUFFY: (to Anya) Did he stop Willow? ANYA: No. And things just got a whole lot worse. Shot of Xander looking down. He can hear the conversation. BUFFY: How worse? ANYA: End of the world worse. Willow's going to destroy it. DAWN: (amazed) She can do that? ANYA: She can and she will when she gets to where she's going. BUFFY: Where's she going? ANYA: Big old Satanic temple. Kingman's Bluff? Dawn and Buffy frown. BUFFY: There's ... no temple on Kingman's Bluff. Cut to a wide stretch of ground (Kingman's Bluff). Aerial shot of the bluff. A huge steeple begins rising out of the ground, pushing through the earth and rising up at an angle. We see Willow standing a few yards away, holding out her hands toward it. Her eyes are black again. The steeple continues to rise. Various stone carvings (gargoyles, etc.) decorate its surface. There's a large carving of a snake-haired woman with her mouth open and a long snakelike tongue sticking out, another snake wrapped around her body. At the very top of the steeple there's a pentacle (five-pointed star with one point down) topped by a trident (three-pronged fork). Willow continues to hold out her arms as her magic lifts the steeple out of the ground. It protrudes from the earth at a slightly crooked angle. BUFFY: (O.S.) Proserpexa? Cut back to the pit. BUFFY: Who's she? ANYA: Uh, way up there in the hierarchy of she-demons. Her followers intended to use her effigy to destroy the world. They all died when the temple got swallowed up in the big earthquake of '32. BUFFY: So now seventy years later, Willow's going to make their dreams come true. ANYA: She's going to drain the planet's life force, and funnel its energy through Proserpexa's effigy and, and burn the Earth to a cinder. (Dawn looking at Buffy in alarm) BUFFY: Not if I can help it. ANYA: You can't. Buffy and Dawn stare at Anya. ANYA Something else Giles said. No magic or supernatural force can stop her. BUFFY: What does that mean? ANYA: Don't know. He, he said, "the Slayer can't stop her," and then he said a bunch of other stuff. (anxiously) He really wasn't too clear. BUFFY: Anya, what are you- ANYA: (nervous) I ... I should get back to him. He's alone. BUFFY: (worried) Is he okay? Anya fidgets nervously as Buffy and Dawn watch, anxious. ANYA: Don't think he ... has a lot of time left. (Dawn gasping) I'm sorry. Anya disappears, leaving Buffy and Dawn both looking solemn and worried. After a moment Buffy looks upward and yells harshly. BUFFY: Xander! Where is that rope?! DAWN: Buffy... BUFFY: Xander! (quieter) Where is he? DAWN: (upset) You heard what Anya said ... you hear what Giles said. BUFFY: I heard. (upset) And I don't care, I have to try... Buffy bends over and begins trying to move one of the coffins. Cut to the bluff. Willow stands opposite the temple. The carving of the woman is at ground level and life-size, facing Willow. WILLOW: From the pit of forgotten shadows... Cut back to the pit as Buffy and Dawn shove at a coffin. Willow's and Buffy's lines overlap: BUFFY: I'm not just gonna sit here while Willow incinerates what I'm chosen to protect. WILLOW: Awaken, sister of the dark, awaken- Cut back to the bluff. Willow pauses, looks to her right as if she can hear Buffy. BUFFY: I have to stop her. WILLOW: Always the Slayer... Cut back to the pit. Buffy pauses, hearing Willow's words. She straightens up, looking surprised. WILLOW: (O.S.) Right to the last. BUFFY: (uncertain) Willow? Fade from Buffy to Willow, who has turned away from the temple to face the direction of the cemetery. WILLOW: And it is the last, you know? For all your fighting ... thinking you're saving the world... Cut back to the pit. Buffy listens in amazement. DAWN: Buffy? Buffy puts up a hand to silence Dawn. WILLOW: And in the end ... I'm the only one that can save it. BUFFY: By killing us? WILLOW: It's the only way to stop the pain. Cut to the Magic Box. Giles is still lying on the floor with Anya kneeling by him. Giles frowns slightly, as he can hear the conversation too. WILLOW: (O.S.) I can't take it anymore. But I know you, Buffy. Cut alternately between the bluff and the pit for the next few lines. WILLOW: You're a warrior. You won't go out without a fight. I don't really have time for one. But you should go out fighting. BUFFY: Willow, what are you- WILLOW: It was me that took you out of the Earth. Well, now... Buffy listens with alarm. WILLOW: ...the Earth wants you back. The ground around Buffy and Dawn begins to rumble. Suddenly the walls themselves start to turn into monsters, earth-creatures made up of dirt and rock and vines, which detach themselves from the walls and move toward Buffy and Dawn. Close on the monsters' hands with a pair of large blades/claws on each hand. Buffy and Dawn look around, very scared. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act IV [SCENE_BREAK] The cave. Buffy is fighting two earth-monsters at once, swinging the sword and kicking them. Another monster detaches from the cave walls. Dawn watches fearfully. DAWN: Buffy! Buffy swings the sword and one monster's claw-hand is sliced off, falls to the ground. Buffy turns around, kicks the third monster in the head. It slumps against the cave wall. Buffy stands next to Dawn, looking around. More monsters are detaching from the walls. BUFFY: They just keep coming. I can't take them all. Close on another monster's claw-hand coming out of the wall. Buffy turns to Dawn. BUFFY: Dawn. Will you help me? Dawn looks nervous, but determined. Buffy puts the sword into Dawn's hand. DAWN: I got your back. Buffy turns, picks up the other sword from the ground. Kicks one of the monsters back. Dawn sets her jaw and rushes forward into the fray. Cut to the bluff. Willow stands with her arms by her sides chanting. WILLOW: Proserpexa ... let the cleansing fires from the depths burn away the suffering souls and bring sweet death. Lightning crackles between Willow and the statue of Proserpexa. Close on Willow with her black eyes and hair, black veins on her face, lightning sizzling around her. The ground begins to shake and the wind gets even stronger. Bolts of green magic shoot from Willow's body toward the statue. Cut to the magic shop. Anya kneels next to Giles as the ground shakes here too. A light fixture falls from the ceiling and Anya ducks. Cut to the cave. Buffy and Dawn also feel the rumbling, as it makes them stagger backward. Buffy looks up nervous. BUFFY: Willow... Cut to the magic shop. The rumbling/shaking stops. Anya looks up, looks around nervously, then looks at Giles. His eyes are closed and he doesn't move. ANYA: Giles? Giles! Don't die. (tearfully) Not yet, there-there are things I wanna tell you. She pauses for a moment, as if collecting her thoughts. ANYA: Thanks a lot for coming. It was good of you to teleport all this way. Another tremor hits and Anya ducks again, hiding her face against Giles's chest until it subsides. ANYA: Though in retrospect, it probably would have been better if you hadn't come and given Willow all that magic that made her like ten times more powerful. (sadly) That would have been a plus. Cut back to the bluff. Green magic continues flowing from Willow toward the statue. Wind swirls around them, filled with dirt and debris, etc. Also, the ever-present lightning. The statue glows bright yellow-white. Suddenly the stream of magic is interrupted and the glowing subsides, as Xander appears in front of the statue. Willow looks surprised. XANDER: Hey, black-eyed girl. Whatcha doin'? WILLOW: Get out of here. XANDER: Ah, no. You're not the only one with powers, you know. You may be a hopped-up uber-witch, but ... this carpenter can dry-wall you into the next century. WILLOW: I'm not joking, Xander. Get out of my way. Now. Willow sends a bolt of magic at Xander. It lifts him off his feet and throws him to the ground at the base of the statue. Cut to: close-up on Giles's face, still bloody, still lying on the magic shop floor. His eyes pop open. GILES: (whispers) There... Pan up to reveal Anya looking at him in surprise. She has one hand under his head. ANYA: What? GILES: (whispers) It's not over. Giles gives a small smile, moves his hand to touch Anya's hand by his head. Cut to the cave. Buffy takes a hit from a monster. Dawn is fighting another, swinging her sword with great concentration. The monster hits Dawn's hand, making her drop the sword, and then slashes her upper arm with its claws. Dawn grabs her arm with her other hand, takes a hit to the face and goes down with a shriek. Buffy ducks underneath a monster's arm and swings her sword at another. It goes down. BUFFY: Dawn! I'm coming! Dawn looks up with a determined expression as her monster prepares to attack her again. Buffy is still being kept away by another monster, looks toward Dawn with alarm. Dawn ducks as the monster grabs for her, and does a somersault-roll past it, landing by her sword. She grabs the sword, gets up, and stabs the monster in the chest. Buffy watches with amazement. Dawn swings the sword again, slicing off the monster's head. It falls down dead. Buffy stares. DAWN: (holding up the sword, tiny smile) What? You think I never watched you? Buffy still looks amazed. There's a very brief moment of quiet. Then more monsters start to appear. Buffy and Dawn back up, and end up back-to-back facing the monsters, each holding her sword. They begin to fight. Cut to the bluff. Close on the statue. Lightning continues to flash around it. Wide shot of Willow with the lightning going. The green magic begins flowing from her again, toward the statue. Earth rumbling, winds swirling, etc. Xander sits up at the base of the temple, holding his ribs. He staggers to his feet and blocks the flow of magic again. The magic stops flowing. Willow glares at him. WILLOW: You can't stop this. XANDER: Yeah, I get that. It's just, where else am I gonna go? You've been my best friend my whole life. World gonna end ... where else would I want to be? WILLOW: (scornfully) Is this the master plan? You're going to stop me by telling me you love me? XANDER: Well, I was going to walk you off a cliff and hand you an anvil, but ... it seemed kinda cartoony. WILLOW: Still making jokes. XANDER: I'm not joking. I know you're in pain. I can't imagine the pain you're in. And I know you're about to do something apocalyptically (glancing back at the statue) evil and stupid, and hey. (spreading out his arms) I still want to hang. You're Willow. WILLOW: (angry) Don't call me that. XANDER: First day of kindergarten. You cried because you broke the yellow crayon, and you were too afraid to tell anyone. You've come pretty far, ending the world, not a terrific notion. But the thing is? Yeah. I love you. I loved crayon-breaky Willow and I love ... scary veiny Willow. So if I'm going out, it's here. If you wanna kill the world? Well, then start with me. I've earned that. WILLOW: (upset) You think I won't? XANDER: It doesn't matter. I'll still love you. WILLOW: (angry) Shut up. Willow gestures with her hand. No magic bolts of light, but Xander's head jerks to the side as if he's been hit. Three parallel cuts appear on his cheek, bloody as if scratched. He puts his hand up to them, looks at his fingers. Willow watches, panting and looking a bit nervous. Xander looks back up at her. XANDER: I love you. Willow makes another slashing gesture. Xander doubles over and falls to his knees. Panting, he gets up again, and we see that his shirt is ripped open over the heart, more scratches visible on his chest. He pants and grimaces from the pain but faces Willow again. XANDER: (panting) I ... love y- WILLOW: Shut up! Now she does throw a blast of magic at him, and he staggers backward but doesn't fall down. Willow still holds her hand out, a little bit of magic crackling around it but not as much as she had expected. She looks surprised and anxious. Xander moves slowly toward her. XANDER: I love you, Willow. WILLOW: Stop! She sends another magic blast, but it's weak and barely hurts Xander at all. He continues walking toward her. Willow continues holding out her hand and making the magic gesture, but nothing happens. She starts to get teary. XANDER: I love you. WILLOW: Stop. Willow starts to cry and, as Xander gets right up to her, she starts hitting him with her fists. Xander just stands there and takes it. After a moment she stops hitting and starts to cry for real. She falls to her knees and Xander kneels with her, puts his arms around her and holds her while she sobs. XANDER: I love you. As Willow continues to cry in Xander's arms, the veins fade away from her face and her hair returns to its usual red. Cut to the cave. The earth monsters suddenly stop moving and crumble into dirt that falls to the floor. DAWN: What happened? Buffy looks around, looks up toward the hole. The cave lightens as the sun begins to shine again. Cut back to the bluff. Xander still holding Willow as she cries. Cut to the magic shop. Anya sits on the stairs with her head in her hands. In foreground, Giles suddenly appears in the frame, pushing himself up onto his elbows. Anya looks up in surprise. ANYA: Giles! She gets up and rushes back over to him, kneels beside him. ANYA: You're not dead! GILES: No. Anya gives a little cry of happiness and hugs Giles hard. He winces, makes a pained face. GILES: However, I am still in some pain. ANYA: Oh... (lets him go) Well ... why aren't you dead? (frowns) Why aren't I dead? GILES: Uh, the threat's gone. Willow's been stopped. Giles tries to sit up and Anya helps him. ANYA: Oh. You mean she's- GILES: No, she's alive. It, uh ... the magic she took from me, it-it did what I hoped it would do. ANYA: Oh. (getting it) You dosed her. GILES: Yes. ANYA: You knew she'd going to take your powers all along. GILES: The gift I was given by the coven was the true essence of magic. Willow's magic came from a ... place of rage and power. ANYA: And vengeance. Don't forget vengeance. GILES: Oh. How could I? In any case, the magic she took from me tapped into ... the spark of humanity she had left. Helped her to feel again. Gave Xander the opportunity to ... reach her. ANYA: Xander? GILES: Yes. It was he who got to her in time. (smiling) He saved us all. Anya gazes at Giles, absorbing this, slowly starting to smile. Cut to the cave. Buffy walks forward slowly, looking around. Dawn follows. DAWN: I ... I think it's over, Buffy. (Buffy sitting down on a coffin) The world's still here. Dawn gives a deep sigh of relief, then looks over at Buffy again. Buffy bursts into tears, not looking at Dawn. Dawn scowls. DAWN: (sarcastic) Sorry to disappoint y- She pauses, looks at Buffy again. Buffy continues sobbing. DAWN: Wait, is ... is that happy crying? BUFFY: (sniffles) Yes, dummy. (looks at Dawn) You think I wanted the world to end? DAWN: I don't know. (uncertainly) Didn't you? Buffy stops crying, looks at Dawn in dismay. BUFFY: Dawn ... I'm so sorry. Buffy gets up and hugs Dawn, begins crying again. BUFFY: (crying) I'm sorry. Dawn hugs Buffy, rubs her back. DAWN: It's okay, Buffy. It's okay. BUFFY: No. It hasn't been. It hasn't been okay. Buffy pulls back to look Dawn in the face. BUFFY: But it's gonna be, though. I see it. DAWN: See what? BUFFY: You. Dawn looks touched. BUFFY: Things have really sucked lately, but it's all gonna change. And I wanna be there when it does. (starting to cry again) I want to see my friends happy again. And I want to see you grow up. The woman you're gonna become. Because she's gonna be beautiful. Now Dawn gets a little teary as well. BUFFY: And she's going to be powerful. Buffy turns around, back toward the coffin. BUFFY: I got it so wrong. I don't want to protect you from the world. I want to show it to you. She turns back to Dawn again. BUFFY: There's so much that I want to show you. They hug again, smiling. Cue slow music: "The Prayer of St. Francis" by Sarah McLachlan. Lord make me an instrument of your peace Cut to a close shot of the grassy edge of the pit. A hand appears, then another, and Buffy hauls herself up onto the grass, reaches back to pull Dawn up behind her. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; Where there is injury, pardon... Buffy and Dawn climb fully out of the pit and kneel on the ground panting. Dawn looks over at Buffy. Buffy looks around at the world, smiling. Where there is doubt, faith... Fade to the bluff. Xander still holding the crying Willow. Where there is despair, hope Where there is darkness, light And where there is sadness, joy... Fade to the Magic Box. Anya helps Giles up and puts his arm around her shoulders to support him. They duck under the fallen pillar and walk toward the front door. O divine master grant that I may... Cut to the front grille of a truck. ...not so much seek to be consoled as to console... Pan up to reveal the truck driver holding the wheel, glancing over at the passenger seat. He grins nastily. ...to be understood as to understand... Pan across to reveal Jonathan and Andrew, looking nervously at the truck driver, and then trying to squeeze even farther away from him than they already are, pressing against the door. ...to be loved as to love... Fade to the cemetery. Buffy walks forward, looking toward the rising sun, looking pleased. For it is in giving that we receive Dawn walks forward to stand beside Buffy. Fade to another part of the cemetery. Dawn and Buffy walk along, with their arms around each other. There's greenery and flowers and blooming trees all around. And it's in pardoning that we are pardoned And it's in dying that we are born... Fade to the cave in Africa. ...to eternal life... Pan across the darkness to reveal Spike lying on his back on the ground, motionless. Amen. The music fades and stops. A shadow moves across Spike's face DEMON VOICE: You have endured the required trials. SPIKE: Bloody right I have. Slowly, painfully, Spike rolls onto his side and pushes himself up onto his knees. His face is swollen and bruised, more bruising and injuries on his chest and arms. SPIKE: So you'll give me what I want. Make me what I was. So Buffy can get what she deserves. Close on the demon's glowing green eyes. DEMON: Very well. Spike watches the demon nervously. DEMON: We will return... The demon's hand reaches out toward Spike's chest. DEMON: ...your soul. The hand touches his chest and it glows fiery yellow-orange. Spike's eyes glow the same color. He throws back his head and screams. Blackout. Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon.

Giles returns armed with temporary magic, but Willow defeats him and decides to end her suffering and the world's by bringing on an apocalypse. Xander attempts to stop her. In Africa, Spike completes a set of challenges given to him by a demon who offers him his soul if he is successful.

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_01x10

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_01x10_0

EXT. NEW YORK CITY Future Ted VO: Now I remember a lot of stories from back in the days before I met your mother, but there's one story I don't remember. Uncle Marshall still refers to it as the pineapple incident. The night started like any other. We were downstairs at the bar. INT. MACLAREN'S (Lily, Marshall, Ted, Robin and Barney sit at booth, Carl comes over with drinks) Carl: On the house. Everyone: Whoa. Carl: It's my own concoction. I call it the Red Dragon. Everyone: Wow. Thanks, Carl. (Carl walks away) Ted: We're not really doing shots, are we? Lily: I hope not. Barney: No, no. Lily: These look kinda like blood. Marshall: OK, I know that you've all dismissed this theory before, but is there any chance that Carl is a vampire? Barney: That's ridiculous. Marshall: I'm serious. Think about it. He always wears black, we never see him in the daylight, only after dark. Robin: Oh my God, that does describe a vampire, or you know, a bartender. (Everyone but Marshall laughs) Robin: Well, I should go get dressed. Ted: Where are you going, buddy? Hot date? Lily: I'll say, she's going out with a billionaire. Robin: Lily, I told you not to call him that. Ted: Wait, you're really going out with a billionaire? Robin: He's not a billionaire. He's a hundred millionaire. Why do people always round up? Ted: So, uh, where's Thurston Howell taking you? Robin: A charity dinner. Lily: Yeah, $2000 a plate. Robin: $1500, Stop rounding up. And it's for third world hunger. Barney: You gonna put out? (Everyone looks at Barney incredulously) Barney: What? There's only one reason he's taking her to this dinner and it's not so little Mutu can get his malaria pills. Lily: I think my soul just threw up a little bit. Robin: Well, I'm gonna be late. You guys have fun. Bye. (Robin gets up and leaves) Ted: See ya. Lily: Bye. Marshall: You OK? Ted: Sure, why? Marshall: I don't know. Girl of your dreams dating a billionaire. Ted: OK, first of all, hundred millionaire. And second, she's not the girl of my dreams. We're just friend. Look, it would not be smart if we got together. I mean, I'm looking to settle down. She's looking for... (Barney starts snoring, Ted stops talking) Barney: What? You done? Great. Check out table number four. See that little hottie on the end. She's short but has an ample bosom. I love it. She's like half-boob. Let's go. (Barney stands up) Ted: Yeah, and say what? What's our big opening line? Barney: Daddy's home. Ted: Daddy's home? Barney: Yeah. Ted: You want us to go over there right now and say to those girls, 'daddy's home.' Really think about that, Barney. Barney: Hm. Yeah, I think it's pretty solid. (Barney walks away from their booth over to table four) Marshall: OK, think about this, is there even a single item on the menu that has garlic in it? Lily: Garlic fries. Marshall: OK, well, I'll get back to you. (Barney walks back to their booth) Ted: Oh, daddy's back. See, if you'd taken a moment to think about that... Barney: (holding up small yellow piece of paper) Then Daddy wouldn't have gotten this seven-digit Father's Day card from Amy, huh? Ted: That worked. I hate the world. Barney: Ted, your problem is all you do is think, think, think. I'm teaching you how to do, do, do. Marshall: Doo-doo. Barney: Totally. Ted: So, I think a lot. I happen to have a very powerful brain. It can't be helped. Barney: Oh yes it can. (Barney puts a shot in front of Ted) Marshall: Interesting Barney: Ted, I believe you and I met for a reason. It's like the universe was saying, hey, Barney, there's this dude, he's pretty cool but it's your job to make him awesome. Your brain screws you up, Ted. It gets in the way. It happened with Robin, it happened with half-boob. And it's gonna keep on happening until you power down that bucket of neuroses inebriation-style. Ted: So, what? You want me to do a shot. Barney: Oh no. I want you to do five shots. Marshall: Oooh, more interesting. Ted: Barney, I think you've officially... Barney: No, don't think. Do. Marshall: Ted, he's right. You overthink. Maybe you should overdrink. Marshall, Barney: Drink, drink, drink, drink... Ted: Ah, Lily, will you tell these guys how stupid they're being? Lily: Guys, you are being immature and moronic and drink, drink, drink Marshall, Lily, Barney: Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink... (Ted takes a shot) Marshall, Lily, Barney: Yes! Drink, drink, drink... Ted: Let me tell you something about this brain, OK? (Ted takes second shot) Marshall, Lily, Barney: Drink! Drink, drink... Ted: Even alcohol cannot stop this brain. (Ted takes third shot) Barney: I love it, I love it, I love it. Marshall, Lily: Drink, drink, drink... Ted: This brain, dear mortals, is no ordinary brain. (Ted takes fourth shot) Marshall, Lily, Barney: Drink, drink, drink, drink... Ted: This is a superbrain. (Ted takes fifth shot) Ted: This brain is unstoppable. This brain... (screen blacks out) Future Ted VO: And that's all I remember, except for a few hazy memories. (black screen with white swirls spinning around and fire on the side, pineapple spins around, the words, "I am Ted, please call" spin around) Future Ted VO: But really, the next thing I remember is waking up the following morning. INT. TED'S BEDROOM (Ted lying in bed rolls over to his right side to see pineapple on his bedside table, gets up slightly looking surprised, rubs side of head and gets up and notices girl sleeping next to him on other side) Future Ted VO: So, there were some unanswered questions. (Ted sits up in bed and puts on some sweatpants) Future Ted VO: How much did I drink? How did I sprain my ankle? (Ted gets up and grabs left ankle in pain) Future Ted VO: And who was this girl in my bed? INT. APARTMENT (Lily and Marshall sitting in living room area, Ted walks in from his room) Lily: There's our rock star Ted: OK, what the hell happened last night? Marshall: You really don't remember, Superbrain? Future Ted VO: So, Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily filled me in. (flashback to previous evening at bar, Marshall, Lily, Barney and Ted sit at booth, Carl walks over) Carl: And how did you guys like the shots? Ted: I drank all five, bitch. Marshall: (laughing) I love drunk Ted. Ted: Marshall thinks you're a vampire. (Marshall laughs and then gives Ted a stern look) Carl: If he pukes, one of you guys cleans it up. (Carl walks away) Lily: No dibs. (Lily puts index finger on her nose) Marshall: Oh. (Marshall puts index finger on his nose) (Barney moves top put his index finger on his nose) Barney: No....Dammit. Ted: How quickly you all forget. I haven't puked since high school. I am vomit-free since ninety-three. Vomit free since ninety-three. That's funny. I'm funny. (Ted gets his cell phone out) Lily: Who are you calling? Ted: Robin. Marshall: Oh, bad idea. Barney: No, no, that's a great idea. That's the whole point of getting drunk. You do things you would never do in a million years if you were sober. Lily: Says every girl you've ever slept with. (Lily puts her hand up for a high-five from Barney) Marshall: (pointing to Lily) Say what?! (Barney shakes his head, Lily puts her hand down) Ted: Hello Robin, it's Ted. (Robin sitting in back of limo dressed up, talking on phone with Ted) Robin: Oh hi Ted. (Ted on phone) Ted: Hello Robin, it's Ted. (Robin on phone) Robin: Hi Ted. Sounds like you're having fun. Ted on phone) Ted: Robin, have I ever told you that I'm vomit-free since ninety-three? (Robin on phone) Robin: Listen, Ted, I can't really talk right... '93? Dude, that's impressive. (Ted on phone) Ted: I don't say this enough, but you're a great woman, and a great reporter. You should be on 60 Minutes. You should be one of the minutes. (Robin on phone) Robin: That's sweet and odd. But I'm kinda on a date right now. (Ted on phone) Ted: Yeah, and I disagree with Barney. Just 'cause this guy is spending a lot of money doesn't mean you have to put out. Take it slow, Robin, take it slow. Slow. (Robin on phone) Robin: Bye Ted. (Ted on phone) Ted: Slow. (Lily takes away Ted's phone) Marshall: Wow, right, that's why we don't do shots. Lily: Friends don't let friends drink and dial. Ted: I need that phone back. Lily: You'll get this back at the end of class. Barney: Ding, class dismissed. Here you go, kid, you call whoever you want. (Barney takes phone from Lily and returns it to Ted) Ted: Thank you kind sir. At least someone appreciates the fact that I'm doing and not thinking. And now I don't think I won't not go to the bathroom. (Ted walks away) Lily: Was that necessary? He is not making smart decisions. Barney: Exactly. It's like, what's he gonna do next. I don't know, but I want to find out. (Cheap Trick's "Voices" starts playing on the jukebox) Marshall: Cheap Trick? Oh Ted. (Robin in car, her phone rings, she answers) Robin: Hello again, Ted. (Ted on phone singing along with jukebox) Ted: Hey, it's me again. (Robin on phone smiles) Ted: (singing along with jukebox) Plain to see again. (Ted jumps up on table) Ted: (singing along with jukebox) Please can I see you every day? Ted: (yelling to everyone in bar) I love everyone in this bar. Marshall: And we love you, drunk Ted. Ted: (singing along with jukebox) I'm a fool again. (Robin in car on phone with mouth wide open) Ted: (singing along with jukebox) I fell in love... (Ted falls off table) (Robin on phone) Robin: Ted? (back to present scene in apartment) Ted: Well, that explains the ankle. Lily: And then we brought you home and put you to bed. Ted: Was there anyone else in there with me? (Lily and Marshall get up and run over to Ted's bedroom door, Ted limps behind them, Lily opens door and she and Marshall peek in room to see girl lying on bed, Lily closes the door) Lily: There's a girl in there. Ted: I know. Marshall: And a pineapple. Ted: I know. Lily: Who is she? Ted: I don't know. (Ted sees his jacket burnt) Ted: What the hell happened to my jacket? Marshall: Whoa. Lily: That girl in there is alive, right? Ted: I should call Barney, maybe he knows what happened. (Marshall gets his phone out of his pocket and dials and gives to Ted, sound of phone ringing from bathroom, Lily, Ted and Marshall walk into the bathroom, Lily pulls curtain aside to find Barney lying in the tub) Barney: Hello. Ted: Why are you sleeping in our tub? Barney: The porcelain keeps the suit from wrinkling. Lily: Wait, were you here when I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night? Barney: Don't worry, I slept through it. (laughs) I totally didn't sleep through it. For a little girl, you've got a big tank. Marshall: How did you get in here anyway? We put Ted to bed around one. Barney: Oh, you put Ted to bed all right. (flashback to Marshall and Lily putting Ted to bed) Ted: You guys take care of me. You guys are the best. I love you guys so much. Lily: Good night, Ted. Marshall: Love you too, buddy. (Lily turns out light, Marshall and Lily leave Ted's bedroom and close door, Ted asleep on his bed) (Ted enters MacLaren's) Ted: I'm back baby doll! Barney: Hey, hey hey hey, he rallies. And the night begins now. (Barney and Ted high-five) Barney: All right, game face on. Carl, two more. All right, all right, what do we think of this one? Ted: I think.... Barney: Ehhh! Trick question, no thinking. You know what time it is? It's do o'clock. Let's ride. Ted: Bring it. (Barney walks over to table and sits down next to girl, Ted walks in another direction) Barney: Have you met Ted? (Barney gestures behind him and finds that Ted's not there, sees Ted standing by jukebox with his phone) Barney: Excuse me. (Barney walks over to Ted) Barney: You're calling Robin. Ted: I'm calling Robin. Barney: Ted, as your mentor and spiritual guide, I forbid you from calling her. Ted: Oh yeah? What you gonna do? Barney: If you complete that call, I will set your coat on fire. Ted: You're bluffing. (Ted completes call to Robin) Ted: Hello, Robin, it's Ted. (Robin at dinner, answers phone) Robin: Ted, for the last time, stop. (Robin hears Ted screaming) Robin: Ted! (back to present scene at apartment, Ted, Barney, Lily and Marshall sit around living room) Ted: You set me on fire. Barney: Real suede wouldn't have gone up so fast. You got robbed, this is a blend. Ted: You set me on fire. And who's the girl in my bed? (Barney looks at Lily and Marshall and Ted, stumbles over to Ted's room and peeks in, closes door and stumbles back to living room) Barney: There's a girl in your bed. Marshall: And a pineapple. Am I the only one who's curious about the pineapple? Barney: Who is she? Ted: I have no idea. Barney: Nice. Ted: You really don't know who that is? Barney: No, after I hosed you down with a beverage gun, I brought you back here. Ted: I better not have gotten burned. (Ted pulls up sleeves to check his skin, notices writing on his right arm) Ted: Did any of you write that? Lily: (reading what's on Ted's arm) Hi, I'm Ted, if lost, please call...Who's number is that? Ted: I don't know. Marshall: Dude, call it. Hold on, I'm gonna make some popcorn. (Marshall runs to kitchen) (Marshall runs back from kitchen with bowl of popcorn) Marshall: OK, you can call now. God, this is intense, I love it. (Ted calls number on arm) Guy: Hello. Ted: Uh, hi, who is this? Guy: You called me, who's this? Ted: It's Ted. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MACLAREN'S (Carl on phone) Carl: It's Carl, from the bar. INT. APARTMENT (Ted on phone) Future Ted VO: And then Carl filled us in. (flashback to Barney putting Ted to bed) Ted: Barney, you've always taken care of me. You are a gentleman and a scholar. Go into my stable and take my finest stallion. He's yours, his name is Windjammer. (Ted lies down) Barney: Sleep it off, bra. (Barney turns off light and closes down behind him) (Ted enters MacLaren's) Ted: I'm back, baby doll! Ted: And I am gonna throw up. (Ted walks over to bathroom) (back to present scene) Ted: I threw up? My streak is over. Vomit-free since '05 doesn't sound good. Sorry, Carl, go on. (flashback to Ted talking to Carl at bar) Ted: Carl, did you know the word karaoke is Japanese for empty orchestra? Isn't that hauntingly beautiful? Are you a vampire? Carl: I am cutting you off. Go home and get some sleep, Ted. Ted: Yeah, sun's gonna come up soon. Wouldn't want to be around for that, would we? Ted: Hey, how easy do you think it'll be to sneak into the zoo? I have to see some penguins, like right now. Carl: Give me your arm. (Ted puts arm on bar) Carl: This way, if you pass out in the gutter... (Carl writs on Ted's arm, Ted starts laughing) Ted: That tickles. Carl: Someone will call me and I will come get you. Ted: Thanks Carl. We can't just be friends, we're attracted to each other and we both know it. Carl: Excuse me? Ted: Me and Robin. Me and Robin, I have to make one more call. (Ted makes call on his cell phone) Carl: Yeah, this'll go good. Ted: Hey, it's me again. Look, who are we kidding? You and I are both attracted to each other. We're young, we're drunk, half of us anyway. And we only get one life, so shy don't you come over to my apartment and we'll think of something stupid to do together? Really? Great. Wait, really? Great. (back to present scene) Ted: Thanks Carl. Ted: It's Robin. That's Robin in there. Marshall: Did you guys? (Barney puts up hand for high-five) Barney: Oh come on. You've gotta give me this one. Those five shots got you farther with Robin than your brain ever did. See what happens when you don't think? You do! More importantly, you do Robin. Come on. (Ted high-fives Barney) Lily: All right, right over here. (Lily and Ted high-five) Ted: Still, what does this mean? Are we dating now? I mean, I never pictured it going down this way, but maybe that's how it had to happen. I mean, think about it... Barney: Someone get him a shot, he's thinking again. Marshall: Maybe it's not such a bad idea to think about this one. You and Robin went down this road before, you got dinged up pretty bad. Lily: You know who might have something to say about Ted's future with Robin? Robin. Go wake her up. Ted: Wake her up and say what? Barney: Daddy's home. (Ted limps over to his room) Marshall: Good luck buddy. INT. TED'S BEDROOM (Ted limps in, phone rings, Ted hurriedly answers it) Ted: Hello. (Robin in cab on phone) Robin: Ted, it's Robin. (Ted looks at girl lying in bed then looks at phone then back to girl, puts phone back to his ear) Ted: Are you sure? INT. APARTMENT (Ted closes bedroom door behind him and walks over to living room) Ted: Hey, Robin, how are you? (Lily, Barney and Marshall look at each other) (screen splits in two with living room scene on top half of screen, Robin in cab on phone on bottom half) Robin: Ted, I think you and I should have a talk about those phone calls last night. Do you mind if I swing by? (While Robin is talking, Lily, Barney, Marshall and Ted whisper to each other about girl in bed) Marshall: Ask her about the pineapple. Ted: Yeah, sure, come on over. Robin: Thanks. (Robin hangs up phone, full screen of apartment scene) Ted: No, wait, don't, no. (Ted hangs up phone) Ted: She's coming over. Crap. Lily: Wait, this is killing me. We have to find out who that girl is. (Trudy walks into the living room) Trudy: Trudy. My name is Trudy. Future Ted VO: And then Trudy filled us in. (flashback to previous evening at bar, Trudy sitting at booth with three girlfriends) Trudy's friend: I'm just surprised you didn't dump him sooner. Trudy: I know, it's two years of my life I'm never getting back. A little part of me just wants to jump the bones of the next guy I see. (Barney walks over) Barney: Daddy's home. Trudy: Or the one after that. Barney: OK, fair enough. I've got to prove a point to a friend, so you just gave me your number and your name is Amy. (Barney takes out yellow paper and pen from inside jacket pocket, scribbles on paper) Barney: Ladies. (Barney puts pen back in his pocket and walks away) (flash forward to Ted standing on table while singing) Ted: I love everyone in this bar. Trudy's friend: Look at that idiot go. Trudy: He's kinda cute. (Ted falls down and Trudy and her friends laugh) (flash forward to Trudy washing her hands in the ladies room, Ted walks out of stall) Ted: What are you doing in the men's room? What am I doing in the ladies' room? Oh right, I came in here 'cause I thought I was gonna throw up. Trudy: Did you? Ted: I did not. (back to present scene) Ted: And the streak continues. Vomit-free since '93. (Ted and Marshall high-five) Ted: Sorry, Trudy, go on. (flashback to Trudy and Ted in ladies room) Trudy: I liked your performance. Ted: What? The karaoke? Domo arigato. Trudy: I wish I had your guts, getting up and making a complete idiot of myself. Ted: Do it. Trudy: I don't know. Still, I've had a pretty serious week. I could sure stand to do something stupid. Ted: I'm something stupid, do me. Trudy: You're funny. Ted: Hey, can I call you sometime? Trudy: OK. (Ted gets his phone out) Trudy: Here, let me. (Trudy takes it and puts her phone number in) Ted: Why do they call it karaoke anyhow? Was it invented by a woman named Carrie Okie? These are the kinds of things I think about. Trudy: Karaoke is Japanese for empty orchestra. Ted: That's hauntingly beautiful. (Ted presses send and Trudy's phone rings) Ted: Hey, it works. Trudy: Then I guess you're gonna have to call me. (Trudy walks out of ladies room) (flash forward to Ted and Carl talking at bar) Ted: I need to make one more call. (Ted gets phone out, cut to Trudy sitting in back of cab, her phone rings and she answers) Trudy: Hello. (screen divides into two with Trudy talking on phone on left side, Ted on phone on right side) Ted: Hey, it's me again. Trudy: Hey. Ted: Look, who are we kidding? You and I are both attracted to each other. We're young, we're drunk, half of us anyway. And we only get one life. (back to present scene, Ted, Barney, Lily and Marshall listen to Trudy telling story in living room) Trudy: So I came over here. And now I'm really, really embarrassed. Marshall: Dammit, Trudy, what about the pineapple? Sorry. (knock on door) Ted: Uh, Robin's here. Um, look, Trudy, I need you to hide in my bedroom. (Ted grabs Trudy's hand and drags her to his room) Trudy: Why, is that your girlfriend? Ted: No, that's not my girlfriend. Look, it's complicated. Trudy: You're married. Yeah, I can't believe I did this. Ted: No, I'm not married. Um, I'll explain after you hide. (Trudy goes into Ted's room, Ted goes over and opens front door) Ted: Hi. Robin: Hey guys. Barney: Robin. Lily: Hi Robin. Barney: Top of the morning. Ted: Um, sorry I kept calling you like that. I was very drunk. Robin: No kidding. Those calls were really weird. Look, Ted, maybe we need to talk. Lily: Let's go get a snack. (Lily stands up) Marshall: I love to snack. (Marshall stands up) Barney: I'm good. (Lily pulls Barney up, Marshall, Lily and Barney walk over to kitchen) Ted: Come on, those calls weren't that weird. (Robin clears her throat, gets her phone out of her purse, presses button and phone replays Ted's call to Robin) Ted: (recording form phone) Robin! Come hang out! OK, I'm gonna make this sound until you come hang out. (Ted makes weird sound) Robin: That goes on for three-and a half minutes. Ted: Without a breath? That's gotta be some kind of record. Robin: Ted, you can't do this. Please, we're to be friends and now you're making it all confusing. Ted: No I'm not. Look, I just turned off my brain for the night. Nothing's changed, you've moved on, I've moved on. Robin: Really, you moved on? Ted: Yes. What, you don't believe me? (Robin exhales) Ted: Oh, OK. (Ted limps over to his room) Ted: Trudy, come on out. (Ted points to Robin) Ted: You are gonna laugh. Robin: Wait, you were with someone last night? Ted: Yeah, Trudy, she's cool. (Ted knocks on his bedroom door) Ted: Trudy, come on out. (Robin walks over to Ted) Ted: Seriously, it's OK. This is so Trudy. She's really shy, I think. (Ted opens door) Ted: Trudy? INT. TED'S BEDROOM (Ted and Robin enter to find room empty, Robin walks over to pineapple) Robin: Hi Trudy, I'm Robin. It's nice to meet you. You're right, she is shy. Ted: I'm not making this up. She must have climbed out the fire escape. (Robin looks at Ted incredulously) Ted: Whatever, whatever. I don't care what you think. Robin: Then why did you hide her from me? Ted: Wow, you're good. Did anyone ever tell you you should be on 60 Minutes? Robin: Yes, you did, last night. Ted: Really? Well. Robin: Get some sleep, Ted. You had a long night. And don't feel bad, I've woken up with worse. (Robin walks out of his room, Ted sits down on bed and lies back) Future Ted VO: I left Trudy a message but she never called me back. That's just how life works sometimes. You turn off your brain for a night, and all you're left with is a bad hangover, a sprained ankle. (Ted looks at pineapple) INT. APARTMENT (Barney, Robin, Lily, Ted and Marshall sit around table eating pineapple) Future Ted VO: Oh, and we never found out where that pineapple came from, but it was delicious.

After Ted passes out after an especially wild night in town, he wakes up the next morning with a sprained ankle, a burnt jacket, a girl in his bed, and a pineapple in his room. Unable to recall everything that transpired over the course of the evening, he asks his friends and the girl in his bed, Trudy, to fill him in on the night's misadventures.

fd_Gilmore_Girls_03x09

fd_Gilmore_Girls_03x09_0

3.09 - A Deep-Fried Korean Thanksgiving OPEN AT LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai and Rory are on the couch watching television] RORY: I like these women. LORELAI: I love these women. RORY: Poor Edie. LORELAI: Which Edie? RORY: Little Edie. She's just trying to sing and her mom won't stop talking. LORELAI: Big Edie was so beautiful in her day. RORY: They were both pretty. LORELAI: I can't believe they were related to Jackie. RORY: Well, the Kennedy's kind of hid them in the background for many years. LORELAI: Well, when you're a Kennedy, how do you even choose who in the family to hide? RORY: It's a tough choice. LORELAI: Something beautiful about them though. They're cool, they're free. RORY: Yeah, and they're memorable. Most people are very forgettable. And they're happy. LORELAI: They had their cats. RORY: And their raccoons. LORELAI: And their pretty house. RORY: And each other. LORELAI: Add a few years and they're us. RORY: Yeah. . .yeah. LORELAI: Yeah. [opening credits] CUT TO THE INDEPENDENCE INN KITCHEN [Sookie rushes around giving instructions] SOOKIE: Rhiana, run it through the sieve again, I want it smooth as glass. Don't cut corners, people! LORELAI: Is she melting down? MICHEL: Like butter on a skillet. LORELAI: Sookie. . . SOOKIE: Just a sec, hon. How's your love life, Pete? A little frustrated, I bet. Wondering how I know that? ‘Cause you're taking it out on my egg whites. Gently, fold them gently. Cheryl – you're slicing not dicing, I can hear it in the chop. Adjust, my friend. LORELAI: Sookie, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, let's talk. SOOKIE: I'm extremely lacking in time here. LORELAI: What's going on? SOOKIE: Uh, chaos? Uh, a travesty of cooking? It's a salmonella laboratory in here! LORELAI: Sookie, the kitchen will be in good hands. SOOKIE: But not in my hands. LORELAI: It'll be in Bob hands. Bob has great hands. SOOKIE: No, you know what Bob has? Bob has two seconds to get the hollandaise off the flame before I break his neck! LORELAI: Sookie, listen, you hired Bob. You trained him in your image. He's great, and he's subbed for you before. SOOKIE: But this is Thanksgiving, he has never done Thanksgiving. LORELAI: He's ready, he'll sub for you seamlessly. Even Big Joe Newsanchor's have substitutes. SOOKIE: And that's the thing. They still say, ‘And now the CBS Evening News with Dan Rather.' You see? Dan is still associated with it even though he's off snorkeling or something, just like I'm gonna be associated with the dinner because Bob is substituting for Sookie. Excuse me one minute. [Sookie starts rummaging through the trash can] MICHEL: Oh, this can only be good. LORELAI: Sookie, that's the garbage. Stop rooting through the garbage. SOOKIE: I will when people stop throwing away useful stuff! LORELAI: Drop, drop the, drop the tops, drop them, drop them. Come here, come here, come here. Now, Sookie, listen to me because you're torturing yourself here. [Emily walks in and stands behind Lorelai] SOOKIE: Emily, hi. LORELAI: Oh, that's nice. That's very high school. Stick with me here. SOOKIE: Good to see you. LORELAI: Yeah, ah, that's funny. You know who's behind you? It's Joseph Stalin, my good friend. What are you doing back from the dead, Joe? EMILY: Lorelai. LORELAI: Oh, Mom! Ah, geez, you scared me. EMILY: You heard Sookie greet me. LORELAI: Oh, I thought it was a joke. EMILY: Like comparing me to Joseph Stalin? LORELAI: I wasn't comparing you to Joseph Stalin. EMILY: I'm in a hurry. Can we speak for a minute? LORELAI: Yeah, I guess, for a minute. So, were you in the area or something? EMILY: Not really. LORELAI: Then what are you doing here? EMILY: I wanted to talk to you. LORELAI: Phone's out of order? EMILY: Let's not play games here. LORELAI: Games? EMILY: I've called several times the past few weeks and you've skillfully avoided every call. LORELAI: No, that's not true. I've left messages on your machine. EMILY: Yes, messages. And then if I happened to pick up, you'd hang up. Or if the maid picked up, you'd ask for me, then claim you were driving through a tunnel so you might get cut off, and then you'd make garbling noises and hang up. LORELAI: Fine, Mom, we're talking now. What's up? EMILY: Are you feeling well? LORELAI: You came all the way out here to ask me that? EMILY: Well, you've been sick these past few Friday's for dinner, so I was concerned. That's why you didn't come, right, because you were sick? So are you better? You look fine. LORELAI: Oh, it's the makeup. I'm still. . .uh, these allergies really just hit me like a ton of bricks. EMILY: I've never heard you mention allergies before. LORELAI: I'm a silent sufferer. EMILY: Well, I certainly hope you're feeling better now because I want you to come to dinner tomorrow night. LORELAI: Tomorrow? Tomorrow's Thanksgiving. EMILY: Yes, it is Thanksgiving. And before you sift through the dozen or so excuses you always have on hand, let me have my say. You've missed two dinners and avoided my calls because you're mad at us about what happened at Yale. But I want you and Rory at Thanksgiving this year. LORELAI: Mom – EMILY: If you have plans – LORELAI: We do have plans. EMILY: Alter them. Now, there'll be other people there, so the focus won't be on you, and you may even be able to get by without saying more than ‘hello', ‘goodbye', and ‘pass the gravy'. LORELAI: We already have plans. EMILY: Your father and I are going out of town the next day and we'll be gone all of December, including Christmas, so it's the last chance for the family to be together for the rest of the year. LORELAI: Look – EMILY: And I want you to remember that I am not the one who set the meeting for Rory behind your back. I want you there, Lorelai. And if you're still sick, I don't want a doctor's note. I want your doctor himself to come to my house and convince me that it's true, got it? LORELAI: Got it. EMILY: See you tomorrow. CUT TO CHILTON TEACHER: The multi-layered membrane systems of the cytoplasm are the smooth endoplasmic reticulum, the rough endoplasmic reticulum, and the golgi body. Now, the smooth endoplasmic reticulum is concerned with the manufacture of lipid molecules. [bell rings] We'll continue on this next week. Keep up on your reading please. MADELINE: That was really distracting. PARIS: Oh. Well, by all means, Madeline, you should point out to the faculty that their annoying custom of teaching is distracting you from more important things like nail filing and daydreaming about marrying Ryan Phillippe. LOUISE: Uh, he's already married. PARIS: Then whatever strawhead actor isn't. MADELINE: This was bad. For the last five minutes, every single thing she said sounded dirty. LOUISE: Yeah, same here. PARIS: Good God. MADELINE: I mean, reticulum? Come on. LOUISE: Plus, the golgi body. I mean, is it me or is that majorly pornographic? PARIS: My life with the Banger sisters. RORY: So, changing the subject. . . PARIS: Hallelujah. RORY: What's everybody doing for Thanksgiving? PARIS: I can't even talk about Thanksgiving. RORY: Louise? LOUISE: I‘m having dinner with my dad. MADELINE: Isn't he still in jail? LOUISE: Yes, but his company donated some treadmills for the inmates so he swung a special trailer for dinner that they're gonna set up for us in the parking lot. We have it for about two hours and then one of the Manson girls gets us. MADELINE: You're lucky it's in that order. PARIS: My Thanksgiving is turning into a Wes Craven movie. RORY: How so? PARIS: I called shelters to volunteer to serve food. It's Thanksgiving – you'd think they have needs. Nope. Every stupid soup kitchen in town turned me down because they have enough volunteers. MADELINE: Bummer. PARIS: I'm on a couple waiting lists, but it doesn't look good. RORY: I've never heard of too many volunteers. PARIS: Who are all these jackasses who volunteered anyway? They can't all be students like me. They're not all putting it on a college application. I get something out of it and these other people don't get a thing. Talk about selfish. LOUISE: Sore subject. RORY: What are you up to, Madeline? MADELINE: I've got more college applications to fill out. Backups, safety schools. LOUISE: I've got some of that, too. I'm so behind. PARIS: I told you guys to have those things done by now. LOUISE: Sorry, Mom. PARIS: It's not about being sorry. It's about being prepared. I got Harvard and my backups in weeks ago. MADELINE: Okay, all you're doing is making me more nervous. I'll see you guys Monday. LOUISE: Same here. RORY: Yup, see you guys Monday. PARIS: Harvard is going to be expecting Thanksgiving shelter work. They'll know I called too late and it will totally impugn my organizational skills. By the way, you know I ultimately do all these things for the good of mankind, right? RORY: Oh yeah. PARIS: Sometimes I don't think I come off that way. RORY: No. [Paris' cell phone rings] PARIS: [answers phone] Hello? . . . Yes, thanks for returning my call. . . nothing? But wait, wait, wait – just stick me at any old pot. I'm small, you won't even know I'm there, I'll even bring my own ladle. . . .Oh, now, come on, work with me here. I've got a slotted spoon. . . Well, what about coffee or condiments? You got condiments covered? . . . I'm sorry, can I speak to your supervisor? . . . My attitude? What about your attitude? I'm trying to help people. It's Thanksgiving. . . CUT TO STARS HOLLOW [Lorelai and Rory are walking down the sidewalk] RORY: So she coldcocked you, huh? LORELAI: She bit me, incapacitated me with her poison, and devoured me whole. RORY: But how are we going to go to four Thanksgiving dinners? LORELAI: It's not four, is it? RORY: Lane's house, Sookie's, and we always stop by Luke's. . .that's three, and Grandma and Grandpa is four. LORELAI: Ah, we're mad, Edie. RORY: We're us, Edie. LORELAI: Well, we've gotta go to my parents' or we'll be brought up on war crimes. Lane's is always super early, so that's easy to catch. Sookie's is mid afternoon. RORY: Luke's the toughie. LORELAI: Guess that's the one we'll have to skip. RORY: Bummer. LORELAI: I know, but he won't care. Holidays are nothing to him anyway. [Kirk walks out of The Chat Club with several bags] LORELAI: Hey Kirk. Discover a new freaky fetish? KIRK: What? LORELAI: Nothing. You buy a cat? KIRK: Yup. I'm very excited. LORELAI: You seem it. So what's all this? RORY: I'm assuming there's nothing left in the store. KIRK: Actually, there are a number of things left. RORY: No, I meant you seem to be buying a lot of stuff. KIRK: Oh, sorry. My excitement must be clouding my ability to judge comedic hyperbole. LORELAI: So where'd you get the cat? KIRK: A lady had a bunch of them at the grocery store and Kirk seemed to take an instant liking to me. LORELAI: Kirk? KIRK: Yes? LORELAI: No, I mean, the cat's name is Kirk? KIRK: Yup. LORELAI: Weird coincidence or. . . KIRK: I named him Kirk. LORELAI: Isn't that confusing? KIRK: Not when you think about it. [Lorelai thinks about it] LORELAI: No, it's still confusing. KIRK: I like the name, and whenever I call Kirk's name, I obviously won't be calling myself. LORELAI: True. KIRK: Although when my mom calls for Kirk, that may be confusing. Maybe I can get her to say CatKirk when she's calling Kirk, and HumanKirk when she's calling me. RORY: That would keep it straight. KIRK: I'm glad I ran into you. See ya. LORELAI: See ya, HumanKirk. RORY: Bye HumanKirk. [Kirk walks away] RORY: He's always been a cat person, he's just never had a cat. LORELAI: Hm. CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai and Rory walk in] LORELAI: Hey. Anywhere? LUKE: Anywhere. LORELAI: [to customer at table] Hm, would you mind moving? LUKE: I hate when you do that. LORELAI: It's my showstopper. LUKE: An empty table. LORELAI: Ah. You ready to order? RORY: I'm ready. LUKE: Don't bother, saw you coming, already ordered your Wednesday usual – the French dip, extra fries, the every-Wednesday cherry pie. RORY: Such service. LORELAI: Oh, and such a food rut we're in. RORY: Thank you, Luke. LUKE: I gotta get back to stuffing my turkey. LORELAI: Oh, honey, do you have time to do that and prep your Thanksgiving food? LUKE: Stop it. RORY: Here, here. LUKE: It's a tedious job. LORELAI: Well, what if we told you you could stuff one less? LUKE: What do you mean? LORELAI: We got jammed. Shanghaied by my mother and what with the other things we have going. . .well, too many commitments, not enough us. LUKE: So? RORY: We can't make it tomorrow. LUKE: Oh, okay, fine. LORELAI: It was beyond our control. LUKE: That's fine, whatever. I'll be right back. [walks away] LORELAI: Um, okay, I may be crazy, but he almost looked. . . . RORY: Disappointed. LORELAI: Yes, disappointed. We disappointed Luke. RORY: I didn't think it was possible. LORELAI: Our powers are greater than we know. RORY: He actually likes it when we come for Thanksgiving. All these years and we never knew. LORELAI: Hm, he's the Grinch and we're Cindy Lou Who. RORY: So Cindy Lou, what do we do? LORELAI: I got it. [Lorelai picks up her cell phone as Luke walks over] LORELAI: [on phone] Oh, uh, perfect. That works great. Okay, bye now. [hangs up] Sorry, I'm just clarifying the schedule for tomorrow. As luck has it, we can make it. We'll definitely be here. LUKE: It's okay. LORELAI: No, it's all cleared. That was my mom, and, uh, the time's just gonna work out just fine. LUKE: Really, you don't have to. I already stopped prepping the last turkey. LORELAI: Well, start prepping it again ‘cause we are coming. LUKE: I don't want you to feel like you have to come. LORELAI: This is tiring. RORY: I can kneel behind him and you can push him over. LORELAI: It may come to that. LUKE: It won't be a hassle? LORELAI: It won't be a hassle. LUKE: You sure? LORELAI: We're coming, now go away and let us eat. Shoo, shoo. [Luke walks away] RORY: That was very nice. LORELAI: Well, I hate disappointing people. RORY: Okay, now, practical question. . . how are we going to eat four Thanksgiving dinners? LORELAI: How? Rory, what are we if not world champion eaters? RORY: It's too much food. LORELAI: It's not too much food. This is what we've been training for our whole lives. This is our destiny. This is our finest hour. RORY: Or final hour. LORELAI: No, no. Get inspired and tomorrow I guarantee you, we will be standing on the Olympic platform receiving our gold medals for eating. We are not Michelle Kwan-ing this. RORY: Okay, okay, four dinners. LORELAI: Yeah, we'll skip the rolls. RORY: That'll help. You know, we might wanna consider not eating much now in preparation for our finest hour. A little fasting so that we can enjoy more tomorrow, hm? LORELAI: Unnecessary. RORY: Yeah. CUT TO OUTSIDE [On Thanksgiving morning, Lorelai and Rory are walking toward the market] RORY: What's on the list? LORELAI: Flowers for everyone we're visiting and cranberry sauce for the Kims. RORY: Tums. LORELAI: You mean amateur pills? RORY: Just in case. LORELAI: Okay, Tums. RORY: I'll do the flowers. LORELAI: I'll do Doose's. RORY: Thank you. [Lorelai goes into the market. Jess walks up behind Rory] JESS: Hey there. RORY: Hey. [he kisses her, but Rory pulls away] Wait, stop. JESS: What? RORY: Stop. JESS: What are you doing? RORY: Come on. [Rory pulls him down the sidewalk a little, then kisses him] JESS: What was that? RORY: That was a kiss. JESS: What's with the relocation before the kiss? RORY: It's too early. JESS: Too early? Too early for what? RORY: For kissing like that. JESS: What's the rule, no kissing before noon? RORY: No, it's too early to do this here. JESS: Where, in the street? RORY: In the street, with people watching... JESS: What people? RORY: In front of Doose's. JESS: Ah, Doose's. RORY: We shouldn't flaunt it. JESS: But I want to flaunt it. RORY: It doesn't feel right. JESS: He's a big boy Rory. RORY: I know. JESS: It's not the first time a couple's broken up. RORY: It is for us. JESS: This is insane. RORY: Please, let's not flaunt it, please? JESS: For how long? RORY: Until it's comfortable. JESS: Before we're on Social Security? RORY: I promise, we can kiss secretly. JESS: Yeah, or we can wear Three Stooges masks all the time, that way no one will know who we are. RORY: I can be Curly. JESS: I'll be Moe. RORY: Probably too silly. JESS: Yeah, probably. RORY: This will get better over time, I promise. But until then, let's just play it cool. JESS: Hey, I'm Frank at the Sands. RORY: That's cool. CUT TO INSIDE DOOSE'S MARKET [Lorelai is shopping] LORELAI: Oh, hey, Kirk. Doing your holiday shopping? KIRK: Well, shopping, yes, and it is a holiday, but my shopping isn't holiday related, so technically no. LORELAI: Oh, what happened there? KIRK: Oh, nothing, just a little scratch. LORELAI: Looks like a big scratch. Wow, Bactine, Neosporin, Mercurochrome – what's with all the pharmacologicals? KIRK: Oh, well, Kirk and I are going through a little adjustment period, that's all. LORELAI: CatKirk? KIRK: It's no biggie, and this looks a lot worse than it is. LORELAI: Yeah, I can see that. So how'd it happen? Were you playing or something? KIRK: We haven't actually played yet. This happened when I accidentally walked into the room without announcing myself. LORELAI: Excuse me? KIRK: I've discovered Kirk likes my presence announced before I enter any room that he's in. LORELAI: You have to announce yourself? KIRK: Yeah, just a quick, ‘Is it okay if I come in?' from the adjacent room. Otherwise, he gets a little testy. LORELAI: Hence the scratch. KIRK: It's just a small laceration. Again, no biggie. LORELAI: Kirk, he got your neck! KIRK: That was another mistake of mine. I put his food bowl down in front of him. He doesn't like that. Or she doesn't. LORELAI: She? I thought Kirk was a boy. KIRK: That was just a guess. He actually hasn't exposed his underside to me yet. Or hers. LORELAI: Well, here's hoping your cat exposes itself to you soon. KIRK: From your mouth to God's ears. See ya. LORELAI: See ya. [Lorelai walks over to Dean] LORELAI: Hi there. DEAN: Hi. LORELAI: So you pulled the Thanksgiving shift, huh? DEAN: Yeah, I get time and a half. LORELAI: Well, good, good. It's good to see you. DEAN: Same here. Um, so, I gotta work. LORELAI: Right, right. That Taylor's a dictator. DEAN: Yeah. LORELAI: Dean, wait. Um, look, we live in a teeny tiny little hamlet here. I mean, stick it in an envelope and we could mail the whole town for a buck-forty. It makes avoiding people tough and uncomfortable. DEAN: I know. LORELAI: I hate hiding from people, especially when I don't wanna hide from them. You were a pal. You were so good to Rory. You were the best first boyfriend a mother could've hoped for. DEAN: Thanks. LORELAI: It's okay to keep avoiding me if you want. I just wanted you to know that you don't need to, okay? Just because you and Rory broke up doesn't mean we did. DEAN: Good. That's good to hear. LORELAI: Well, Happy Thanksgiving. DEAN: Yeah, Happy Thanksgiving. CUT TO OUTSIDE [Lorelai walks out of the diner with a bag. Rory is waiting with several bouquets of flowers] LORELAI: Aw, pretty! RORY: Yeah, good selection today. You get everything? LORELAI: And then some. Look. RORY: Chocolate turkeys, nice! LORELAI: I think they'll add a festive air. RORY: Definitely. So, was he in there? LORELAI: Yeah, he was. RORY: Good, good. I hope he's good. Did he seem good? LORELAI: He seemed good. He's getting time and a half. RORY: Good, good. LORELAI: So, let's go eat. RORY: And eat and eat. LORELAI: And eat and eat and eat. RORY: And eat and eat and eat and eat. . . LORELAI: And eat and eat and eat and eat. . . RORY: And eat some more. LORELAI: And eat and eat. CUT TO KIM'S ANTIQUES [Mrs. Kim opens the door; Lorelai and Rory are on the porch] MRS. KIM: Ah, the Gilmores. Happy Thanksgiving. LORELAI: Happy Thanksgiving. RORY: Happy Thanksgiving. MRS. KIM: Come in. LORELAI: She's in a good mood this year. RORY: Downright chipper. LORELAI: So, um, Mrs. Kim, we, uh, we brought gifts. RORY: Flowers. LORELAI: And cranberry sauce, our little Thanksgiving tradition. MRS. KIM: Thank you, can never have too much. RORY: That's what we say. LORELAI: Plus, a chocolate turkey. MRS. KIM: What should I do with this? LORELAI: Oh, I don't know, let the kids share it. MRS. KIM: And then send a blank check to their dentist? LORELAI: They don't have to eat it, they can play with it. MRS. KIM: Play with chocolate? It's missing its head. LORELAI: Ooh, that one's ours. Here, this one has a head. There ya go. MRS. KIM: Okay. [walks away] LORELAI: My arms are too short to box with Mrs. Kim. RORY: The singing's already begun. LORELAI: Mm. Who's that playing guitar? He looks familiar. RORY: Oh my God, that's Lane's Dave. LORELAI: Oh, yeah, it is. He's all neat and tidy. RORY: He's gone corporate. LORELAI: He's gone Korean. [Lane walks by and sees them] LANE: Oh, hey, hi. RORY: Hey yourself. Hey, how'd you get your mom to let you – LANE: Come on, girls, let's get you some punch. [leads them to the other room] RORY: What's going on? LANE: That is not Dave Rygalski. LORELAI: Oh, intrigue. RORY: Who is it? LANE: I mean, not the one that I'm in a band with. That is Dave Rygalski, local Christian guitar player that my mom and I met very briefly and innocently at the dance marathon, and that I coincidentally ran across again when I found his ad seeking Christian guitar accompaniment gigs up on our church bulletin board. LORELAI: Complicated. LANE: I even put the fake ad up at church and pretended to find it with my mom next to me. RORY: You're good. LORELAI: So, are you guys dating? LANE: We're laying the groundwork. If she gets to know him before we date and she approves of him, we won't have to hide anything. LORELAI: Right, except how you met. RORY: And who he really is. LANE: But other than that, it's completely fib-free. Shh, shh! MRS. KIM: Watch it. You break it, you buy it. Ten percent off for cousins, twenty percent off for nephews and nieces. [Lorelai, Rory, and Lane walk into the room where the food table is set up] LORELAI: Yung Kwan, good to see you. Hee Kim, hi. Oh, I love your hair. Su Nam, hi. Hi. Ho Kyung, Wan Kyu, great to see you, hi. Oh, Mrs. Kim, just a beautiful table, as always. MRS. KIM: Try the tofurkey. Turkey made from tofu. RORY: Oh, we definitely will. LORELAI: Mm. MRS. KIM: And meet the guitar player. Nice young man, big fan of tofurkey. David? DAVE: Yes. MRS. KIM: This is Rory Gilmore and Mrs. Gilmore. LORELAI: Hi, nice to meet you. DAVE: Oh, same here. RORY: I think I've seen you around town. DAVE: Yeah, that might be a possibility. Happy Thanksgiving. LORELAI: Same to you. MRS. KIM: Hymn 17 please. DAVE: Yes, ma'am. LORELAI: Wow, he seems like a very upright young man. MRS. KIM: Not a bad sight-reader either. [walks away] RORY: You're taking tofurkey? LORELAI: Uh huh, and some extra napkins to slip the tofurkey into when no one is looking and then toss them away. RORY: Very smart. LANE: Um, Mama, just a thought, but maybe we can take a break from the hymns while we eat? MRS. KIM: No break, he's paid to play. We can quit singing for now, but he should play soft in the background, okay? DAVE: Yeah. Yes, ma'am. CUT TO OUTSIDE [Lorelai and Rory walk down the sidewalk] RORY: The best laid plans. LORELAI: Tell me about it. RORY: How do you feel? LORELAI: I ate tofurkey. How do you think I feel? RORY: Tofurkier. LORELAI: Drat that Mrs. Kim for not taking her eyes off me the whole time. . . it's like she was anticipating my napkin maneuver. [They walk up to Sookie's yard. Sookie is sitting at a picnic table, and a group of people is standing near the porch] LORELAI: Hi hon! RORY: Happy Thanksgiving. SOOKIE: Ah, thank you. Thank God, civilization has arrived. LORELAI: What's wrong? SOOKIE: What's wrong? Uh, do you not see what's going on here? LORELAI: What's that? SOOKIE: That is a vat of boiling oil. LORELAI: Really? Where's Quasimodo? SOOKIE: This is not a joking matter. RORY: What is the oil for? LORELAI: For pouring on visigoths. SOOKIE: Lorelai! LORELAI: When else am I gonna get to use my visigoth material? RORY: What's the oil for? SOOKIE: The turkey. My beautiful, expensive, organically grown turkey. LORELAI: I don't get it. SOOKIE: A couple of days ago, Jackson asked me if he could cook the turkey. I thought he was gonna roast it, stick a couple of onions around it, something simple. So I said yes, figuring that the minute he put it in the oven and leaves the kitchen, I can sneak in and give it a nice herb-bitter rub and stuff it with a pancetta-chestnut stuffing. LORELAI: Sure, ‘cause he'd never notice that. SOOKIE: Exactly. Then the propane tank arrived, and the industrial burner, and the fifteen gallons of peanut oil. Then he springs it on me – ‘I'm gonna deep-fry a turkey." LORELAI: Deep-fried turkey. RORY: Interesting. SOOKIE: I tried to talk him out of it, but I'd already promised and now he's excited about it. GUY 1: Hey, what's keeping Jackson? Is he on the pot or something? SOOKIE: Lots of precious memories in the making here. GUY 1: Hey Jackson, get your butt out here with that gobbler! SOOKIE: A gobbler. RORY: Maybe it won't be that bad. LORELAI: Yeah, deep-frying's kind of in now. SOOKIE: I don't care. You don't deep-fry turkey. Uh, filet of fish, yes. A batch of fries, yes. A donut, yes. Not turkey. GUY 1: Come on, let's get going! GUY 2: Yeah, we're hungry! EVERYONE: Jackson, Jackson, Jackson, Jackson, Jackson, Jackson, Jackson, Jackson. . . [Jackson pushes open the door and holds up the turkey] JACKSON: Did someone say. . .Jackson? [the crowd cheers] LORELAI: Wow, it's like Thunderdome in here. SOOKIE: He should've just driven it out on a monster truck. He's shamelessly catering to his demographic. JACKSON: Are you ready? [the crowd cheers] SOOKIE: Oh my God, I can't look. EVERYONE: Ten, nine, eight, seven, six. . . SOOKIE: Oh my God, they're counting down. EVERYONE: . . .five, four, three, two, one! [Jackson lowers the turkey into the vat] LORELAI: It's in the vat. SOOKIE: It's like a death in the family. LORELAI: Look at the bright side, Sookie. At least this took your mind off the dinner at the inn. SOOKIE: Oh my God, the inn. What if Bob decides to do something equally awful to the turkey at the inn? I have to call him. JACKSON: Oh, hey guys. LORELAI: Hey. JACKSON: Neat, huh? And it only takes forty minutes. LORELAI: Cool. JACKSON: How ya doing, hon? SOOKIE: Oh, fine, Sweets. [Lorelai hands her a beer] And keep them coming. CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai and Rory walk in] LORELAI: Hey everybody. BABETTE: Oh, hey there dollfaces. Happy Thanksgiving. MOREY: Yeah, Happy Thanksgiving. RORY: Hey. [hands Luke a bouquet of flowers] LUKE: What's this? RORY: Flowers. LUKE: What do I do with them? LORELAI: Ugh, not this again. RORY: Put them in a vase with water. LUKE: I don't have a vase. LORELAI: You do this every year. LUKE: I don't have vases. LORELAI: Buy a vase. LUKE: But I don't need a vase ‘cause I never have flowers. LORELAI: Except when we bring you flowers every year on Thanksgiving. Buy a vase. LUKE: Stop bringing me flowers. LORELAI: Stop bringing me flowers. I knew you were gonna say that because you say the same thing. We have this same exact conversation every year. LUKE: And every year you point that out. LORELAI: And every year you point that out. LUKE: And every year you point that out. RORY: And then every year we put the flowers on the counter and forget the ugliness ever happened. LORELAI: Well, at least we have a tradition. LUKE: Good. I'll be right back. That's our table over there. LORELAI: Hey Kirk. Oh my God! RORY: What happened? KIRK: I'm scratched over sixty percent of my body. LORELAI: Aw, CatKirk again? KIRK: Ow. LORELAI: Sorry. BABETTE: I'm so mad at that cat. MOREY: Very uncool cat. BABETTE: I love cats, but I love Kirk, too. It's pretty much fifty-fifty, and that's a high compliment, my friend. LORELAI: How did this happen? KIRK: Well, the tension of our standoff was unbearable, so I got on the floor and tried to play with him. LORELAI: It's a him? KIRK: I caught a peek. LORELAI: Go on. KIRK: I rolled this cute little ball of yarn over to him all nice and gentle. He tried to garrote me with it. LORELAI: Oh my God. MOREY: Very uncool. KIRK: Just grabbed two ends with his paws and came at me. RORY: But he doesn't have opposable thumbs. KIRK: He's beyond them. And he's smart. He knows things, sometimes before they happen. LORELAI: Get a hold of yourself, man. KIRK: You haven't heard the worst. RORY: Oh geez, there's worse? KIRK: When the attacks got particularly brutal, I had no choice but to strip naked and hide under water in the bathtub. I read that cats are afraid of water. BABETTE: They are, they are. KIRK: Kirk isn't. He found me, and he seemed to derive greater power from the water. That's when the bulk of the scratching happened. LORELAI: Well, then, I think it's good you're giving Kirk a little space right now. Just relax and enjoy your food. KIRK: I can't taste my food. LORELAI: Well, then, just try to relax. KIRK: Thanks. [Lorelai and Rory walk over to their table; Jess walks over] JESS: Hey. RORY: Hey. [they kiss] JESS: Hi. LORELAI: Hi, Happy Thanksgiving. So, are you joining us? JESS: Uh, sure, if that's okay. LORELAI: Yeah, sit, sit. [Luke and Caesar bring the plates over] JESS: God, I'm starved. LUKE: You could've eaten. JESS: You kept telling me not to eat. LUKE: I did not. JESS: You did, too. You said you were waiting for them. LORELAI: Aw, you didn't have to wait for us. LUKE: I wasn't waiting for you, it just worked out this way. JESS: Right. RORY: Looks great. LORELAI: Tasty. LUKE: Shouldn't we give thanks first? JESS: Thanks for what? LUKE: Well, that we're not Native Americans who got their land stolen in exchange for smallpox infested blankets. LORELAI: Amen. LUKE: So where you guys in your day? RORY: We hit the Kim's, we hit Sookie's, and we go to the grandparents from here. LORELAI: Full day. LUKE: Yeah. Well, you can skip eating this one if you want. Just have cokes or something, it's no big deal. LORELAI: No, no way, you're the main event today, my friend. LUKE: Oh, good. RORY: What's good are the yams. LORELAI: Definitely. Got some more marshmallows? LUKE: Yeah, I can grab some. Hey, refill some coffees. [Luke and Jess walk away] LORELAI: So, no offense, but lame-o kiss. RORY: What? LORELAI: You and Jess, like a couple chickens pecking at each other. RORY: Mind your own business. LORELAI: Well, it was right in front of me. RORY: So, I don't need a review. LORELAI: Sorry. RORY: I'm just not good with the public displays. LORELAI: You didn't have that problem with Dean. RORY: I know, but now I just feel like everybody's watching me. LORELAI: People are not watching you. RORY: You were watching me. LORELAI: I created you. It's biologically predetermined that I watch you. RORY: I just don't know how this whole second boyfriend thing is supposed to go. LORELAI: Well, he's your first second boyfriend. Give it time. RORY: The whole town got used to me with Dean, it's just weird. LORELAI: It'll get easier. You're gonna have hundreds of men in your life. RORY: Gee, thanks. LORELAI: Well, maybe not hundreds, but a couple, three, more. It'll get easier. RORY: I guess. LORELAI: Honey, they'll adjust to seeing you with Jess. RORY: And then there's Dean. What do I do about him? LORELAI: Well, you know, he'll be moving on, too. RORY: Oh, right, of course he will, yeah. BABETTE: Well, we're outta here. MOREY: Time to walk some of this off. BABETTE: Oh, we'd have to walk to China to walk all of it off. Which way's China? LORELAI: Thataway. Have a good night. BABETTE: Thanks. By the way, that was some half-assed kiss you two had. You gotta give it a little something, honey. LORELAI: Bye Babette. Bye Morey. BABETTE: Bye. RORY: The whole town is watching. [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Lorelai and Rory walk up to the front door] RORY: You ready for this? LORELAI: Of course. RORY: Even with the Cold War? LORELAI: That's been going on for thirty-four years? I can manage. RORY: It's been a bit colder these past few weeks. LORELAI: Oh no, I'm fine, you know why? Because in two hours – and I do plan on extricating us from here in exactly two hours – the night will be over and I won't have to see them again until next year. Oh, start your stopwatch. [Emily opens the door] EMILY: Hello. RORY: Hi Grandma. Happy Thanksgiving. EMILY: Thank you, Rory. Happy Thanksgiving, Lorelai. LORELAI: Happy Thanksgiving. [mumbles to Rory] One hour, fifty-nine minutes, and forty seconds. [they walk into the house] LORELAI: Oh, wow, it's a piano player. EMILY: That's Brad. I found him at Nordstrom's. LORELAI: Was he on sale? EMILY: I thought a little background music would add a nice touch. He knows every song ever written. LORELAI: Free Bird! Hi Brad. EMILY: Lorelai, please. Now come along, everyone's here. [they walk to living room] We're all here. RICHARD: Oh, good. Happy Thanksgiving, Rory. RORY: Happy Thanksgiving, Grandpa. RICHARD: Lorelai. LORELAI: Dad. RICHARD: These are our guests, Natalie and Douglas Swope. EMILY: You two have met. LORELAI: Yes, at the auction. NATALIE: Good to see you again. LORELAI: Yes. DOUGLAS: Nice to meet you. LORELAI: Yes, you, too. RORY: Same here. RICHARD: And this is our international contingent, Claude and Monique Clemenceau. They're just in from France. LORELAI: Ah, Clemenceau, huh, I'd have guessed Spain. CLAUDE: Hello, how are you? [kisses Lorelai's hand] LORELAI: Oh, ooh. MONIQUE: Hello. RICHARD: Monique, voici ma fille et ma petite fille. MONIQUE: Ah. Elle sont si jolies. CLAUDE: My Monique speaks only French, so please excuse the inconvenience. LORELAI: Oh, no, that's fine. I love French. CLAUDE: She really wants to learn English, perhaps tonight will inspire her. [to Monique] Je leur ai dit que tu voulais à prendre l'anglais. MONIQUE: L'anglais, oui, je veux à prendre, mais je suis tellement parasseuse. RICHARD: Ah, ça prends de temps, Monique. Ah, t'en fais pas. MONIQUE: Merci. RICHARD: Oh, no no no. That's why I love it when the Clemenceaus visit. It gives me the opportunity to haul out my rusty French. CLAUDE: Your French is wonderful, Richard. It always has been. RICHARD: Aw, non, tu es tres gentil. Please, sit, sit, sit. CLAUDE: Merci. So, Rory, you speak French at all? RORY: Just a tiny little bit. CLAUDE: Un tout petite peu? RORY: Oui, un tout petite peu. CLAUDE: And you, my dear? LORELAI: Even less. Uh, voulez vous couchez avec moi ce soir? That's about it. RICHARD: Lorelai. EMILY: Oh my God. LORELAI: It's just a joke. RICHARD: Asking my friend to go to bed with you is a joke? RORY: It's a song. LORELAI: It's just a joke, Dad. CLAUDE: Oh, voici c'est un chanson du pop. It's a pop song, ah, Monique. . . I did not know that. MONIQUE: Lady Marmalade. CLAUDE: It's very rich. It's very, very funny. LORELAI: Oh, well, thank you. CLAUDE: You need a drink, oui? LORELAI: Very astute, Claude. Martini with a twist, Dad. RICHARD: All right. DOUGLAS: Is this your first American Thanksgiving, Claude? CLAUDE: It is, it is. I've seen it in the movies. People seem to eat and eat and eat until they can't eat anymore. LORELAI: That's about it. NATALIE: It's about giving thanks, gets you thinking about the good things. DOUGLAS: We have a lot to give thanks for in this country. EMILY: Definitely. CLAUDE: Me, I start each day giving thanks for three things – Cuban cigars, French champagne, and gorgeous women. And I must give extra thanks for the extraordinary group here tonight. LORELAI: Douglas, Richard, leave us, won't you? RICHARD: What? EMILY: Just another joke. CLAUDE: Oh, I missed another joke? NATALIE: You have your mother's wit. EMILY: Sometimes I wish she'd give it back. DOUGLAS: Emily mentioned that you were coming from another function? CLAUDE: No, this is your second dinner? RORY: Fourth, actually. NATALIE: Fourth? RICHARD: Oh, thank you for fitting us in, Lorelai. LORELAI: Don't worry, Dad. You're the main event. [to Rory] An hour and fifty six minutes. CUT TO DINING ROOM [Everyone is seated at the table] NATALIE: Beautiful table, Emily. You've outdone yourself yet again. EMILY: Oh, it's nothing. RICHARD: Well, is everyone settled? Is everyone comfy? EVERYONE: Yes. LORELAI: Yes, Dad, we're fine. RICHARD: Well, then, let's get going. [Emily rings a bell, the maids bring out the turkey] NATALIE: Gorgeous. DOUGLAS: Oh, wonderful. CLAUDE: Is it for us or the whole neighborhood? NATALIE: Very nice. [Richard carves a piece off, then the maids start to take the turkey away] LORELAI: Oh, ho, who gets the big piece? RICHARD: I'm sorry? LORELAI: Aren't you supposed to keep carving? RICHARD: That was strictly ceremonial. LORELAI: Ceremonial? EMILY: Ceremonial. CLAUDE: Cérémonial. MONIQUE: Cérémonial. EMILY: Please, start on the salads everyone. LORELAI: Is there anything ceremonial about the salads? Do we carve a crouton, then have them taken away? EMILY: No, no ceremony. RORY: Salad's great, Grandma. EMILY: I'm surprised you can eat at this point, even salad. RORY: There's still room. LORELAI: And if there isn't room, we'll add on. I know a good contractor. CLAUDE: She's like your Jerry Lewis. She's very, very funny. NATALIE: Rory, did your grandmother say you were a high school senior? RORY: Mmhmm. NATALIE: So you're going through this horrible period of applying to college. RORY: It's not so horrible. RICHARD: She's got it pretty well covered. LORELAI: That's right. NATALIE: All your applications are in? RORY: I've applied. DOUGLAS: We have a grandson your age, he's going through hell. NATALIE: He's already been turned down for early admission to Stanford, his dream. DOUGLAS: Took it pretty hard. NATALIE: Children put so much stress on themselves these days. RORY: It's pretty stressful. NATALIE: He's waiting to hear from his backups. CLAUDE: I have a grandson who lives with his mother in Orlando, you know, he's going through a very similar thing, poor boy. EMILY: How do they like Orlando, Claude? CLAUDE: Well, it's all Mickey Mouse this and Mickey Mouse that, you know. They want to die. EMILY: That's too bad. NATALIE: Where did you apply, dear? RORY: Harvard. DOUGLAS: No word yet? RORY: I'm not supposed to hear back for awhile. DOUGLAS: Where else? RORY: Where else? DOUGLAS: Where else did you apply? Your alternates? NATALIE: We're so curious, it's like we've been going through this ourselves. RORY: Well, I'm pretty much counting on Harvard. DOUGLAS: Well, you didn't apply to just Harvard, did you? RORY: Well, no. LORELAI: No? NATALIE: Am I prying? RORY: No. LORELAI: We applied elsewhere? DOUGLAS: You can't just apply to one place. NATALIE: Chilton wouldn't allow that. LORELAI: Is that true? RORY: Pretty much. LORELAI: Why didn't you tell me that? RORY: I was going to. NATALIE: You have to be safe. CLAUDE: My grandson – six schools. DOUGLAS: Same with Dustin. LORELAI: Where else did you apply? RORY: Just at some other schools. DOUGLAS: Well, if you're aiming at Harvard, that would be Princeton, Yale, maybe Vassar, Wesleyan. CLAUDE: Certainly Yale because of Richard's connections, yes? NATALIE: I would assume so. RORY: Those are the kinds of places, yup. LORELAI: The kinds of places or the places? Rory? RORY: Princeton. . . um, Yale. LORELAI: Yale? RICHARD: Yes? LORELAI: Yale, Dad? RICHARD: Oh, this is the first I'm hearing about it, Lorelai. LORELAI: Oh, bull. RORY: Mom. EMILY: Lorelai. LORELAI: You did this. RICHARD: I haven't discussed this awful subject since the debacle at the campus. LORELAI: You forced her hand. RICHARD: I did nothing of the sort. RORY: Mom, wait. LORELAI: You made it seem like you'd be deeply hurt if she didn't apply to Yale, and she's very sensitive, so that's as good as forcing her hand. EMILY: Lorelai, really. LORELAI: You wanted her to go to Yale instead of Harvard, didn't you? RICHARD: Well, that wasn't a secret. CLAUDE: Lorelai ne veut pas que Rory aille à Yale. RICHARD: Je suis désolé de ce qui ce passe ici. LORELAI: Stick to English, Dad. RORY: Grandpa didn't force my hand. LORELAI: Honey, you weren't aware he was doing it. RICHARD: She is not a puppet, Lorelai. RORY: I needed a backup. LORELAI: But why Yale? RORY: I could live at home. LORELAI: You. EMILY: What? LORELAI: Well, you got to her. That was your thing. NATALIE: I'm afraid we started this. EMILY: This is not your doing, Natalie. RICHARD: Encore une fois, je suis désolé. EMILY: I never spoke to Rory about that. LORELAI: I don't believe you. RORY: I figured it out on my own, Mom. LORELAI: You're saying there have been no conversations, no emails? RORY: I can read a map. LORELAI: This is unbelievable. RICHARD: And past indelicate. We have guests. LORELAI: Yes, I'm sorry, I apologize, I'm sorry you have to see this. EMILY: This is paranoia, Lorelai. There's been no conspiring. LORELAI: I'm not being paranoid, Mom. For seventeen years, she was going to Harvard, and now all of a sudden, she's applied to Yale and she's mimicking everything you say. This is just crazy. [leaves the room] CLAUDE: Elle a dit que, ‘c'est de la folie.' EMILY: Excuse me, please. CUT TO BACK PATIO [Lorelai is standing outside as Emily walks out the back door] EMILY: It's freezing out here. LORELAI: It's Jamaica compared to in there. EMILY: It's just an alternative to Harvard, a backup. It changes nothing. LORELAI: No, no. EMILY: Lorelai. LORELAI: Mom, I don't wanna talk. EMILY: Do you believe we had nothing to do with this? LORELAI: Just for a second, Mom, please. Just let me digest this for a second. All this Yale stuff. . .agh! EMILY: You can't even let Rory have one piece of our lives, even if it's her choice. You hate us that much. [Lorelai doesn't respond. Emily walks back into the house] CUT TO THE KIM'S HOUSE [The last of the guests are leaving] MRS. KIM: Goodbye, drive safe. GUEST: Thank you. [leaves] LANE: Excellent Thanksgiving, Mama. MRS. KIM: I think people had fun. LANE: And it was nice of you to only charge half price on the chair that Yung Hee broke. MRS. KIM: That was my cost. LANE: That why it was nice. DAVE: Well, I guess I'll be going. MRS. KIM: All right. You did a good job. Thank you for your time, David. DAVE: Oh, you're welcome, Mrs. Kim. I enjoyed it. LANE: Yes, thank you. DAVE: You're welcome. MRS. KIM: Here. Some rice, spinach, lots of tofurkey. DAVE: Great, thanks. MRS. KIM: And something for your time. DAVE: That's very nice, thank you. Happy Thanksgiving. MRS. KIM: Goodbye. [Dave leaves] MRS. KIM: Keep clearing. I'm going to start on the kitchen. LANE: Okay. Oh, Mama, look. Dave's bible. He forgot it. He's gonna need this, too. I'll run it out to him. MRS. KIM: Wait. LANE: We're gonna miss him. MRS. KIM: Let me see that. [takes the bible and reads the inside cover] ‘This bible belongs to God, but is being used by Dave Rygalski.' [hands the bible back to Lane] Go on. CUT TO OUTSIDE [Lane rushes down the sidewalk; Dave is waiting by a tree] DAVE: Wow, you run really quiet. LANE: Sorry, I'm sorry about everything. DAVE: What? LANE: The whole night. I had no idea she'd make you play five straight hours without a break. DAVE: It's okay. LANE: Your hands must be dead. DAVE: They're just a little numb. But I've got these Kurt Cobain calluses now, how cool is that? LANE: But this whole thing, this whole charade, the fake flier and everything, it was too much. DAVE: Lane, it's fine. And that flier – I've gotten like three other calls for paying gigs. I should be paying you a commission. LANE: Oh, that's not necessary. DAVE: And check it out – twenty bucks. LANE: Wow, she liked you. DAVE: We'll put it towards our first real date. LANE: Really? After all this – the marathon hymns, the weak punch, the crabby Koreans, you still wanna go out on a date with me? [Dave nods, then kisses her] DAVE: I've gotta go. . . but I'm gonna call you tomorrow. CUT TO SIDEWALK [Lorelai and Rory are walking down the street] RORY: Are you mad? LORELAI: No, I'm not mad. RORY: You seem mad. LORELAI: I'm not mad. RORY: What are you feeling? LORELAI: I wouldn't know how to word it. RORY: Try. LORELAI: See, my head knows that whichever one of these places you go, Harvard, Princeton, Yale. . .it's gonna be great. It's gonna be awesome, and you're gonna come out on the other side an even more amazing you. But I just wish my head could sit down and have a chat with that gnawing feeling in my gut that's there every time my parents get involved in anything and tell it, it's gonna be okay. RORY: It's gonna be okay. LORELAI: Nice try. [They walk across Sookie's front yard] JACKSON: What else are we putting in the pot? Come on, let's think of something. Uh, a raspberry, a deep-fried raspberry. How ‘bout a rasquat? GUY: Cake! JACKSON: Cake! Deep-fried cake! GUY: Dibs on the deep-fried cake! JACKSON: You haven't even eaten your deep-fried biscotti. [Lorelai and Rory sit down at the picnic table with Sookie] LORELAI: Hey, Sookie. SOOKIE: Ah, hi there. LORELAI: Are you okay? SOOKIE: This tastes good. LORELAI: Yeah, it looks like they're deep-frying – SOOKIE: Everything. LORELAI: Huh. SOOKIE: Vegetables, mashed potatoes, butter, pickles, salt, a napkin. RORY: And yet, you're very serene. LORELAI: Uh, you're practically floating. SOOKIE: Well, you caught me at a good time, ladies. I've already gone through the five stages of grieving. Denial, anger. . .I don't remember these two, but they were served on the rocks with salt! Now, I'm just happily enscotched in acceptance. Enscotched. . . RORY: Ensconced? SOOKIE: Ensconced – that's it! I do believe I heard Phil suggest throwing Junior in. LORELAI: Junior? SOOKIE: His nephew. LORELAI: Whoa. SOOKIE: I chimed in on that one. LORELAI: What happened over there? SOOKIE: Mm, about a half-hour ago they set the lawn on fire. LORELAI: Ah. SOOKIE: But Phil says it's okay and everything ‘cause it'll grow back twice as lush. Though that's what he said when he broke my salad bowl that I brought back from Belgium. That'll maybe grow back, too, huh? [laughs] Phil is a riot. Am I crying or laughing? LORELAI: Laughing. SOOKIE: Good. [Rory's pager goes off] LORELAI: Who's that? RORY: It's Lane. It just says ‘bible kiss bible'. LORELAI: What does that mean? RORY: I have no idea. Good band name, though. LORELAI: Honey, we should get going? You gonna be okay? SOOKIE: I'm Sookie. LORELAI: Yeah, I know, but you're gonna be okay, right? You'll go to bed soon. SOOKIE: Unless they deep-fried it. LORELAI: I'm sure they haven't. Okay, we'll see you tomorrow. [Lorelai and Rory start walking away] RORY: Poor thing. LORELAI: Oh, she may not remember any of it. JACKSON: Deep-fried shoe! GUY: Deep-fried shoe! [Everyone cheers] CUT TO FRONT OF LUKE'S DINER [Luke and Jess walk out of the diner; Jess is carrying a garbage bag] JESS: Get more trash cans. LUKE: I don't need more. JESS: You make me run around town for a place to dump this. LUKE: Just dump it in one of Taylor's bins. It gets it out of here and it'll drive Taylor crazy. It's a win-win. LORELAI: Hi guys. LUKE: We're out of food. LORELAI: Oh, please, we're not eating for a year. RORY: Or ‘til tomorrow morning. LORELAI: Whichever comes first. Hi Saint Nick. JESS: Tell him he needs to get more trash cans. LUKE: Just go. LORELAI: You got any coffee? LUKE: That I've got. Come on in. Hey, did I see flames coming from Sookie's place about a half-hour ago? LORELAI: Yeah, why? [Lorelai and Luke walk into the diner. Rory follows Jess down the sidewalk] JESS: I still say you should get more tra. . . [Rory kisses him] RORY: Hi. JESS: Hi. RORY: Later. [Rory walks away. As Jess carries the trash bag down the street, he finds Dean standing on the sidewalk] DEAN: Nothing to say? JESS: Guess not. DEAN: That's funny, you usually have something to say. JESS: Guess I'm all talked out. DEAN: What's the matter, Jess? Why you walking away? JESS: It's getting a little West Side Story here, Dean, and I gotta warn you, my dancing skills are not up to snuff. DEAN: But now's your chance, there's no one else around. JESS: Go home. Cool off. DEAN: Come on, make one of your Boy Scout references, or a good Farmer John joke. I got my Doose's Market apron with me – you want me to put it on, give you a little inspiration? I don't get it, what happened – you suddenly like me now? JESS: Oh yeah, I was just about to invite you camping. DEAN: Good, okay, now we're getting somewhere. JESS: I'm not gonna fight you, Dean. DEAN: Why? JESS: ‘Cause if I fight you, Rory's gonna think it's my fault, so just forget it, okay? Just forget it. Go home. Let it rest. DEAN: So Rory's got a nice little hold on you now, huh? JESS: Geez. Don't do that. DEAN: How does it feel? JESS: It feels like I'm with Rory and you're not. DEAN: You know, when all this happened with you and me and Rory, I figured I'd just stay out of everyone's way, that that would be easiest. But now, I'm looking at you and I'm thinking, I'm gonna run from him? The Glad Man. This is my town, I'm not hiding. And I don't have be remotely calm around you anymore, and I like that feeling. I like it a lot. Happy Thanksgiving, Jess. CUT TO INSIDE THE DINER [Lorelai and Rory are sitting at the counter] LUKE: So, how did the four dinners work out? You guys must feel more stuffed than you've ever been. LORELAI: I don't know. Is this more stuffed than the great Six Flags hot dog consumption of ‘99? RORY: No, or the taffy binge of '97. LORELAI: Not by a long shot. See, we didn't eat at my parents because of the upset, so we really had three dinners, not four. RORY: Which means. . . LORELAI: What? RORY: We didn't have to skip rolls. LORELAI: Oh yeah. Hey, do you have any rolls left? LUKE: No. Come on. LORELAI: Just a little something for the walk home. [Luke hands her a bag of rolls] LUKE: I don't see how you do it. LORELAI: Well, you're not us, are ya? Night Luke. RORY: Night Luke. LUKE: Night. CUT TO OUTSIDE [Lorelai and Rory walk past the gazebo] LORELAI: This has been a nice Thanksgiving. RORY: Very. LORELAI: Nicer for some than others though. RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: Night Kirk! [Kirk is trying to go to sleep on a bench in the gazebo] KIRK: Night.

It's Thanksgiving, and Lorelai and Rory have dinner at four different places: the Kim's, where Lane has managed to get Dave invited and Lorelai is forced to eat tofurkey; Luke's, where Luke and Jess make it a foursome with Lorelai and Rory; Sookie's, where Jackson and his family have deep-fried the turkey, the lawn and just about everything else; and Emily and Richard's, where, to Lorelai's horror, Rory reveals that she has applied to Yale. Kirk gets a cat, with disastrous results; Dave asks Lane out, and then kisses her; Paris is afraid her difficulty getting into a shelter will impact her acceptance to Harvard; and Dean faces off with Jess and lets him know that it's no more "Mr. Nice Guy" for Mr. Forester.

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_06x14

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_06x14_0

Ted from 2030: Kids, when your best friend loses someone... Marshall: My dad's dead? Ted from 2030:...you drop everything and rush to his side only to find yourself standing there with no idea what to do or say. At Marvin's funeral Ted: This is the toughest time in Marshall's life and I feel absolutely useless. What can we do to help? Lily: Don't look at me. This morning Marshall said, "I have to pee." And I, "Don't worry, baby, I'll do it for you." Halfway through the pee, I'm, like, "This doesn't even make sense!" Robin: Well, uh, I've been to a couple funerals, so I know my role: I'm Vice Girl. Whatever Marshall needs to get through this day, I got it right here. Ted: Cigarettes, alcohol... Are these firecrackers? My God, Robin, you somehow crammed Tijuana into a purse. Robin, hushing: Be cool, nerds! Lily: Marshall's mom hasn't eaten, slept or sat down since we got here. Wait! That can be my role! I'll take care of Judy! Robin: Yeah, but doesn't Marshall's mom hate you--the fact that you two aren't very close? Ted, whispering: Sweet save. Lily: Okay, yes, Judy and I aren't besties, but today, whatever she needs, I'm there. I'm on Judy duty. Ted: "Judy duty." Barney: She said "doody." Robin: Really, guys? At a funeral? Ted: Uh, okay, while not all of us possess your lofty sense of decorum, Drug-DealerFrom-An-'80s-After-School-Special, we have to laugh today. It's healthy. Barney: Wait a minute! Today, we are gonna make Marshall laugh. Robin: How? Barney: Ted, what's the one thing that always cracks him up? Ted: Internet footage of a guy getting hit in the nuts. Barney: Internet footage of a guy getting hit in the nuts, exactly! So we are gonna get our bro a four-star nad rattler. You search knees, feet, banisters, fire hydrants and diving boards, and I'll cover bats, rackets, hockey sticks, golf clubs and riding crops. Ted: What about animals? Barney: Uh... Claws, paws, talons, hooves, beaks and clenched monkey fists. We can do this! Marshall: Hey, guys, sorry, uh... I left my charger back in New York, so my phone's out of juice. Does anyone have...? Robin: Outlet or USB? Marshall: Uh, outlet. Thank you. Oh... Lily: Wow, you really do have everything in there, don't you? Ted: You're like Mary Poppins, if her magic purse was also filled with drugs. Robin: "If"? Ted, the kids in that movie jumped into a painting and spent 15 minutes chasing a cartoon fox. "Spoonful of sugar..."? Grow up. Reverend: I'm so sorry for your loss, Judy. Judy: Thank you, Reverend. Reverend: Unfortunately, I can't. My daughter in Chicago just went into labor. But I'm leaving you in the capable hands of my second-in-command: my son. Marshall: Your son? Reverend: Oh, you remember Trey. I'll go grab him. Marshall: Guys... Trey Platt terrorized me growing up. He was, he was the toughest bully in school. Trey: 'Sup Marshall. Marshall: Hello, Trey. Long time. Mm-hmm. I was not aware that you had become a reverend. Trey: Yeah, well, your lunch money finally ran out. Kidding! Barney: Marshall Eriksen, you could use a laugh. Ted: Yeah! This video is entitled, "Little League Coach Gets Hit in the Nuts by a Foul Ball and Then Vomits in a Garbage Can." I don't wanna give anything away. Let's just watch. (bat connects with ball, man groans, vomits) Barney & Ted: Oh! Barney: See? 'Cause, 'cause he got hit... Ted:...right in the nuts, Barney & Ted: The fat kid just runs away. Marshall: Trey Platt. I can't believe my father's funeral service is being led by Trey "The Noogie Machine" Platt. Ted: That guy gave you noogies? What, did he carry a stepladder? Marshall: He made me carry it. Trey: So, my dad has these questions he asks to help create a theme for the service, or whatever. Question one: "What were your last words with the deceased?" Lame. Question two: Judy: Wait... My last words with Marvin were lovely. I've been thinking about them a lot. Marshall's brother #1: Me, too. We went for a hike in the snow and had this amazing talk. Marshall's brother #2: My last day with Pop, he taught my son how to skate. Trey: Well, this is clearly yielding nothing. Thanks, Dad. Guess I'll have to fill the time with some jokes... again. Judy: "Last words" seems like a good theme. Marshall, do you remember the last thing your father said to you? [FLASHBACK] Judy: Bye, sweetie. Marshall: Bye, Mom. Marvin: Son, there's something I want to say before I leave. Marshall: Yeah, Dad? Marvin: Could I snag that extra pork chop for the flight? Marshall: I was gonna make a sandwich with that, Dad. Dad, don't they have food on the plane? Marvin: Yeah, but plane food is ass. [END OF FLASHBACK] Marshall: "Plane food is ass." Those are the last words my father will ever say to me. Right after I denied the man a pork chop. Oh, God. Wait! I'm wrong! I'm wrong! That wasn't it! They couldn't find a cab so my dad called up from the street. [FLASHBACK] Marvin: Marshall! Looks like rain out here! I couldn't find an umbrella in your closet! You know who probably has an umbrella? Marshall: And then, well, see, my dad grew up in a small town, in another generation, so sometimes - totally well-meaningly - he'd say stuff like... Marvin: The Koreans across the hall! Hey, the Koreans are a trustworthy and generous people! Marshall: Dad... Marvin: I betcha one of the Koreans has an umbrella! Heck, they're Koreans! [END OF FLASHACK] Marshall: My dad's last words to me were a string of odd racial stereotypes. Robin: All that stuff was really nice! Lily: Yeah! It's positive racism! Marshall: This is worse than the pork chop. Barney: This next clip is entitled, "Guy Playing Bagpipes Gets Hit in the Nuts by Low-Flying Seagull" Ted: Let's see what happens. Barney: Here he comes... Oh! Oh! 'Cause he gets hit right in the nuts. Ted: And then the fat kid loses his swim trunks. Barney: Fall off. Shorts just fall right off. Marshall: No, wait-- I'm wrong. That wasn't it. They couldn't find a cab, so I went down there. [FALSHBACK] Marshall: Hey, you were right. The Kangs did, in fact, have an umbrella. Marvin: Of course they did. Judy: Bye, sweetie. Marshall: Bye, Mom. Marvin: Hey, son, I just want to leave you with a little advice. Rent Crocodile Dundee III. I caught it on the cable last night. It totally holds up! [END OF FLASHBACK] Marshall: Crocodile Dundee III is the second-best of the Croc trilogy, so maybe I can live with that. (cell phone beeps) Oh, sorry, my phone's charged. Man: I, uh, I hear you're a woman who can get things. Robin: I've been known to locate certain objects from time to time. Man: I need vodka and dirty playing cards. Robin: I got ya. Marshall: Oh, my God. Lily: What is it? Marshall: I have a voice mail from my dad. Lily: You have a voice mail from your dad? Robin: How? Marshall: My phone's been out of juice, so he must've called me the day the he, uh... Lily: Baby, are you okay? Marshall: I hold in my hand the last words my father will ever say to me. I'm gonna hit play. Robin: What's wrong? Marshall: What if it's worse than Crocodile Dundee III? I can't do this. I can't... My mom is about to collapse. I'm gonna... Lily: Wait-- no, no, baby... Baby, I got it. Let me. Robin: You should listen to it. Just don't put too much pressure on it. Ted: She's right. I mean, this idea that someone's last words have to be profound and meaningful? I mean, who can live up to that? Barney: Exactly. All those "famous last word" people supposedly said? They're all made up. Like that patriotic dude, Nathan Hale, from third-grade history? [FLASHBACK] Nathan Hale: My I only regret is I have but one life to lose for my country. [END OF FLASHBACK] Barney: You know what his real last words were? [FLASHBACK] Nathan Hale: I'm peeing my pants! [END OF FLASHBACK] Barney: True story. Robin: The point is, last words are overrated. Ted: Look, think of it this way: you get to hear your dad's voice one last time. Marshall: I should go listen to this... alone, okay? I'll be back. (Marshall steps away) Woman: Hey, so, um, I heard you might have... Robin: You heard right. (whispering: ) I'm getting a reputation. So, what you need, mama? Come here. (Robin walk away with the woman) Lily: Guys, listen to what just happened. [SCENE_BREAK] [FLASHBACK] Lily: Judy, do you need a break? I'm happy to cook for a while. Judy: You think your snobby New York cooking is better than mine-- admit it! Well, go ahead, Lily, why don't you just whip up a batch of your fancy tofu sushi bagels! And choke on them! [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted: Whoa. Are you okay? Lily: Listen! [FLASHBACK] (Judy yawns) Judy: I'm gonna go take a nap. [END OF FLASHBACK] Lily: Judy's finally sleeping and it's all because of me! Guys, I have a role: I'm Judy's bitch! Yeah! Ted: Well, but this day is tough on you, too. You sure you can absorb all that? Lily: Yeah! Robin gave me a little orange pill from her purse. I don't know what's in it, but things are flowin' pretty smooth right now. Robin: Hey, stay hydrated. (Marshall comes back) Barney: So? Marshall: I couldn't listen to it. Guys, this is hard. Lily: We know, baby. But you'll always wonder, if you don't. Your dad loved you. It almost doesn't matter what he said. Barney: It doesn't. That's true. Marshall: Guys, guys, what if-- God forbid-- all of your dads died right now? What would their last words to you have been? Seriously. Ted: I know mine. When I was in Cleveland last month, I went to visit my dad at his... post-divorce bachelor pad. [FLASHBACK] Ted's dad: Been fun bro-ing out with you tonight, T-Dawg. Ted: Yeah... so glad we can we can talk about our s*x lives now. That's totally an improvement. Ted's dad: I hooked up with a younger woman the other week-- Donna Bromstead. Ted: My prom date?! Ted's dad: How far did you get, T-Dawg? Ted: I have to go. [END OF FLASHBACK] Marshall: How would you like those to be your father's last words? Ted: Well, they might be. Donna Bromstead's husband is a cop. Marshall: Lawyered. Lily? [FLASHBACK] (phone ringing) Lily: Hello. Lily's dad: Lily, it's Dad. Listen, I'm sort of in jail for not paying taxes for the last 25 years. ut bright side, I thought of a great new board game. "Tax Evasion", ages six to ten. Which is, ironically, what I might be looking at. Anyway, Pumpkin, I need $15,000. Lily: Fooled ya. Leave a message after the beep. We'll get back to ya. Beep. [END OF FLASHBACK] Marshall: Lawyered. Robin? [FLASHBACK] Robin's dad: And so, despite the endless disappointment you've caused me, I pray that this will finally be the year you achieve something of actual significance. I'd love to stop lying to my friends about you being in a coma. Anyway, the point is, happy birthday, RJ. [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted: That's awful. Robin: No, here's the awful part. [FLASHBACK] Robin: You remembered my birthday! [END OF FLASHBACK] Marshall: Lawyered. Now can we all just admit that last words are, in fact, a big deal? Everyone: Yes. Barney: Man, I always thought I had it rough not really knowing my dad, but... now I realize at least I'll never have to suffer like this. Our next video is called "German Shepherd Activates Tennis Ball Cannon While Fat Kid Sips Energy Drink." Marshall: Barney, please, Barney! It's... No more videos, okay? I just need a minute. Judy: Okay... okay, who is responsible for this? Who got Cousin Daphne drunk? She is 15 years old. Robin: Whoa, they grow big out here. Barney: And here's your phone number back. Robin: Judy, I... Lily: I did it. Judy: What possible excuse could you have for this? Lily: I'm from New York. We think getting minors drunk is funny. Judy: There's nothing funny about getting minors drunk! You should be ashamed, Lily! Ashamed! Mmm! Oh, cripes, that's tasty. Mmm! Mmm! Lily: That salad's the first food she's eaten in two days. Sure, it's mostly cheese, mayonnaise and jelly beans, but it counts. Ted: Well, at least someone's helping. We haven't made Marshall laugh once. Barney: Yeah. Showing videos of guys getting hit in the nuts wasn't going to do anything. I'm just stupid. Ted: Stupid. Barney: What we need to do is hit each other in the nuts. Ted: Yes. Nothing beats the immediacy of live theater. But which one of us is going to take the hit?(Barney hits Ted in the nuts) So that's it? No discussion? Marshall: I'm not going to listen. "Rent Crocodile Dundee II" are the last words that my father will ever say to me, and I think I can live with that. Ted: Is he laughing? Ted from 2030: Marshall really did think he could live with that. That is, until later, at the memorial service. Judy: My last talk with Marvin was so lovely. Ted from 2030: The stories his mother and brothers told were so perfect. Marshall's brother #1: Then he picked my crying son up off the ice. He gave him a hug and said, "Champ, it doesn't matter if you fall down once in a while." Marshall's brother #2: And as we hiked, a little deer appeared on the path. She hopped over to Dad and started eating-- right out of his hand. Judy: And then he kissed me and he said... Marshall's brother #1: "I will always be proud of you"" Marshall's brother #2: "Life is such a gift." Judy: "You know something, gorgeous, I'm the luckiest man alive." Barney, his voice breaking: Lame. Ted: These stories suck. Robin: Doesn't hold a candle to your Crocodile Dundee thing. Lily: You're up next, baby. Marshall: I just need some air. Lily: Baby, are you okay? Marshall: I have to listen to it. It's a pocket dial. It's nothing. Lily: Hey, so it's a pocket dial. You have so many great memories with your dad. Who cares about the last one? Barney: She's right. Your dad was hilarious. Marshall: You guys don't get it, okay? None of you do. My dad was my hero. And he was my teacher. And he was my best friend. He always came through for me. And now he's just gone. And what am I left with? (scratchy electronic sounds) Thanks a lot, God! Thank you! You took my father, the greatest man that I have ever known, and you ripped him off this Earth, way too young! And he'll never get to meet our kids, Lily. (scratchy sounds continue) But we got this voice mail. Thank you so much for the voice mail! It's a great comfort! 'Cause whenever I'm starting to feel lonely or sad, or-- or you know what, or maybe a little bit cheated, at least I got the sound of his pocket to console me. How is this fair? You know, like, an entire human life and it just ends for no reason, and... and what are we left with? (scratchy sounds continue) Marvin's voice: Marshall? Oh, looks like I've been calling you for almost five minutes. How's my pocket sound? (laughing) Oh, sorry about that, buddy. Um, anyway, your mom and I had such a great time seeing you. I love you. Lily: Looks like your dad came through one last time. Marshall: "I love you." My father's last words to me are "I love you." Marvin's voice: Ooh, and let me know if you find my foot cream. That fungus thing is acting up again. Marshall: "I love you." My father's last words to me are "I love you." Everyone: Yes. Yes, they were. We heard it. Loud and clear. Marshall: Bye, Pop. Ted from 2030: So Marshall finally got up to speak. Funny thing, though... Marshall: Then my father said the last words that he'll ever say to me: "Rent Crocodile Dundee III. I caught it on the cable last night and it totally holds up." Ted from 2030: He decided to keep Marvin's real last words just for himself. Judy: Thanks. Lily: For what? Judy: I know what you've been doing today. And I really needed it. Lily: Any time. Judy: That dress makes you look like a Kansas City whore. Sorry, dear. Last one. At Judy's Marshall: Oh, man. I should have rented Crocodile Dundee III. Ted: Okay, seriously, how are you doing that? Marshall: Thanks. I'll be right back. And if I don't come back, well, then these are my last words to you all. I really, really, really love you guys. Now I'm going to go drop a deuce. Ted from 2030: Last words-- it's a lot of pressure, kids. Ted is making a phone call Ted: Hi, Dad. Lily is also making a phone call Lily: Hi, Dad. Robin is calling her dad. Robin: Hi, Dad. Barney is calling his mother. Barney: Hey, Mom. I'm ready to meet my dad.

The gang travels home to Minnesota with Marshall where Ted and Barney will stop at nothing to make Marshall laugh. Meanwhile, Marshall has an unfortunate meeting with an old high school bully that terrorized him throughout his youth.

fd_The_O.C._02x05

fd_The_O.C._02x05_0

Opening scene - Harbor school - Ryan and Seth are just arriving. Ryan is on his bike and Seth is riding his skateboard Seth: so Alex an I kissed, an you spent the whole night at the bus stop talking to Lindsay Ryan: I know somehow the double date worked out (Seth is now walking, and Ryan is pushing his bike) Seth: yeah, i'm proud'a you, so what's next for you two love birds huh, maybe chatting at the train station, whispering sweet nothings at the (laughs) airport, Ryan i'm workin off the bus stop motif? Bro (puts his hand up for a 'hi five') Ryan: yeah I got it (Seth laughs) (unsure) I don't know what's next, i'm jus gonna take things slow, no pressure Seth: yeah? what about asking her to the big dance (points) (a big banner gets raised in front of them which blocks our view of them. the banner is blue and white with 'The SnO.C.' written in dark blue letters. on the far right corner is 'WINTER DANCE' in smaller writing) Ryan: oooh no, the winter dance Seth: yeah do it man listen i'm gonna take Alex so take Lindsay an then we can have the double date that we were suppose to have Ryan: (unsure) uh it jus seems a little soon, I mean what if she's had the weekend to think about it an just decides we should be lab partners, all we did was talk Seth: (closes his eyes) Ryan Atwood, are you scared of a girl Ryan: no I just (shrugs) I might like her an...I don't know every time there's a big party to go to- Seth: something goes terribly array Ryan: yyeeaahh Seth: yeah but usually to you (points) maybe this is my year to shoulder that burden Ryan: (looks at Seth) you're not really the fist fighting type... Seth: well your not really the type to be scared of a girl (shakes his head) just ask her to the dance, it's the only way you'll know how she feels (Ryan looks at the banner, then at Seth) Ryan: maybe ill jus go alone (unsure) (Seth looks at Ryan. Ryan looks at Seth then back towards the banner) CUT TO: Summer and Marissa in the halls, at Summer's locker. Summer: (off screen) Coop you cannot go alone Marissa: why not (shrugs) it's just a school dance Summer: it is not just a school dance, it is the SnO.C. the one night where winter comes to Newport beach (shuts her locker) and your first dance of the year as social chair (they are now walking away from the lockers. Zach moves next to Marissa) Zach: what happened to DJ Marissa: oh I didn't ask him (Zach looks at her) my moms chairing the host committee, she'd (laughs) freak Zach: your mom doesn't like him Summer: she doesn't know about it him (raises her eyebrows) Marissa: (looks at Summer but talks to Zach) it's not his type of thing anyway (Ryan and Seth walk over to them) Ryan: hey (Seth waves. Summer unenthusiastically waves back while Marissa is talking) Marissa: hey guys you still haven't bought your SnO.C tickets yet so can I put you down for four? Ryan: yeah I don't know about that Seth: ah you should take the misses (Zach looks at Seth, clearly not happy) Summer: hey Cohen you should invite that girl from Saturday night, yeah, oh god- I forgot she totally pulled (Marissa is trying not to laugh) a Houdini on your ass (Zach closes his eyes, clearly not liking this side of Summer) Seth: oooh right, you must be talking about Lindsay not Alex the one I (clicks his fingers then makes a gun with his fingers) made out with (blows his finger like it's the tip of a gun) Summer: oh i'm sorry Alex my mistake, an here i'm feeling sorry for the wrong girl Zach: I should probably get to class (walks off) Summer: you know you just really should make sure she wears comfortable shoes so she doesn't twist her ankle when she's running away Seth: yeah? like-like him (points to Zach walking out the door) Summer: uh (goes after Zach) (yells) Zach (runs between Ryan and Seth) wait Seth: (smiles) that worked out rather nicely Theme Song - California by Phantom Planet Cohen kitchen - Sandy is on the phone trying to get hold of Caleb Sandy: Caleb its me, I still haven't heard back from you about settin up another meeting with Renee Wheeler an her attourney (Kirsten comes in) (sighs) so do me a favor an call me back will ya (hangs up) (to Kirsten) how bout some eggs Kirsten: (holding plans) you ok Sandy: yeah, how bout an omlette Kirsten: I know i'm not spose'to ask about the case Sandy: honey even if I could talk about it, i'd have nothin to tell ya Kirsten: my dads still not talking Sandy: w-what could he possibly have done that he'd rather go ta jail then admit to...unless...life with Julie Cooper is tougher then we thought Kirsten: what're you gonna do Sandy: the only thing I can do, ask for a continuance...buy some time an...find out what he's hiding CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan walks into a class room, and Lindsay is at a desk about to sit down. Ryan smiles then walks over to her Ryan: (softly near her ear) hey, how you doin Lindsay: (turns around) hi (smiles) uh good, i'm-i'm good um...I thought about what you said on the weekend an...you were so sweet...and so honest Ryan: i'm glad cause um...there's this dance Lindsay: uh yeah um (Ryan has a huge smile on his face) actually I don't think so (Ryan's smile disappears) I mean I...would love...to go out with you but (Ryan looks at her, confused) we're lab partners, can you imagine...how awkward its gonna be if we break up Ryan: (looks at Lindsay stunned) we haven't even gone out yet Lindsay: it's already awkward, let's face it relationships almost always end badly an this way...we can be friends for the rest of our lives Ryan: ...so you just wanna be friends Lindsay: I think we should be (Ryan nods and walks away, disappointed. the lights go out in the class room. Ryan looks over at Lindsay then takes his bag off and goes to sit down) CUT TO: Bell goes and we see kids coming out of class rooms. we hear a cell phone ring then see Marissa coming out of a classroom into the hallway Marissa: (answers her phone) hello (we see DJ standing out in Harbor parking lot, the SnO.C. banner is in the background) DJ: hey is now a bad time Marissa: (smiles) where are you DJ: i'm in the parking lot, do you think you can get away for lunch (smiles) CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom at the mansion. - we see Marissa from about her waist up, fall back on her bed Marissa: I...really like our lunch breaks (we see DJ move into the shot, on top of her. he leans down and kisses her) DJ: (softly) so, what's the SnO.C. (they both laugh/smile) Marissa: it's just this dance (Marissa moves out from under DJ and leans on her elbow. he's sort of the same, their noses are almost touching) we never get snow here so we kind of have'ta make it (kisses DJ) ourselves DJ: oooh, it sounds like fun (kisses Marissa's neck) Marissa: actually its very Harbor, you'd probably hate it(laughs) DJ: (stops kissing her neck) guess it's a good thing that no ones asked me then Marissa: I would of...its just i'm kind of running it so I figured DJ: you don't wanna be distracted by havin to...I don't know finally introduce me to your friends Marissa: i'm sorry...but (shrugs) I figured id be so busy i'd be a bad date, if you- DJ: its cool (smiles) i'd rather be alone with you anyway Marissa: (smiles) well we could go out afterward, or we could just stay in (Marissa kisses DJ and they go back to laying down, DJ moves on top of her. we hear a door shut and see Julie coming through the front door of the mansion, she walks in and picks up the mail. she begins to flick through it then hears Marissa and DJ, I can make out Marissa saying 'that tickles, i'm serious'. - we then go back to Marissa's room and see them still making out heavily, Marissa moves so that DJ is now underneath, she's sort of leaning over him and undoing his shirt. once Marissa has it un done DJ sits up and Marissa lies back. Julie opens the door) Julie: Marissa... (Marissa gasps then sits up so she's next to DJ) Julie: (shocked) oh my god (Marissa sits up more and pulls her singlet down to cover her stomach/back) Julie: (frowns) the yard guy Marissa: m-mom Julie: what're you doing home from school Marissa: i'm on my lunch break (moves off the bed) and now if you'll excuse me (picks up her things) I have'to get back DJ: I better get to work Julie: (to DJ) no you don't, your fired (points) (to Marissa) and you young lady, are grounded Marissa: (scoffs) like that's gonna keep me from seeing him, come on DJ Julie: (to DJ as he walks passed) you stay away from my daughter you hear me (DJ looks at Julie then walks out. Julie glares at DJ) CUT TO: Newport group - Kirsten is talking to her secretary? Sandy comes in Kirsten: oh thanks Michelle, did my dad call (takes messages) Michelle: no an i've tried him on his cell and at home Sandy: hey Kirsten: hey (walks over to Sandy) how'd it go with the judge Sandy: well not only was my motion for a continuance denied, trials now ben fast tracked (Kirsten looks at him) we've got less then two weeks (now they are inside Kirsten's office. Sandy picks up her phone) Sandy: i'm callin Caleb again (dials) Kirsten: how could I of not see this coming Sandy: oh honey come on, how could'ya have phone msg: your call has ben forwarded (Sandy hangs up) Kirsten: I've ben working with him side by side all this time, how could I of not known that he was bribing this woman from the city council Sandy: if that is what he was doing...? Kirsten: what'did she say at her deposition Sandy: nothing (shrugs) her lawyer wouldn't let her answer any'a my questions Kirsten: ya can't talk to her without a lawyer Sandy: well...I could Kirsten: that would be unethical Sandy: yeah, strictly speaking (Kirsten looks at him) but desperate times... (Kirsten shakes her head) i'm just sayin if I happen to run into the woman Kirsten: (worried) I don't want you getting yourself in trouble over this Sandy: oh honey (kisses Kirsten on the cheek) it's a little late for that (Sandy leaves and Kirsten turns around and sighs, she looks worried) CUT TO: Harbor student lounge - Ryan is standing at the bench of the food/drink bit and Zach walks over to him Zach: hey, Ryan, you know where I can buy my SnO.C. tickets Ryan: can't say I do Zach: you're not going Ryan: uhhh no Zach: no one to go with? Ryan: I had someone to go with, she jus...didn't...wanna go with me (frowns) uh what's up are you goin with Summer Zach: definitely, its a given right...except of course for Cohen Ryan: ah I don't think he's askin Summer Zach: I don't think...he has to, I mean even if he doesn't ask her somehow the nights gonna end up about them Ryan: ah I get that, believe me (raises his eyebrows) but uh I think it's really over, I mean Seth has a new girl now Zach: really (raises his eyebrows) so he's over Summer Ryan: oh yeah, definitely (Zach nods) (not so confident) I think so...h-he wants to be... (Zach looks down) CUT TO: The Bait shop - a guy wheels some beer cartons in for Alex and in the background Seth comes in Seth: (sighs) hello Alex, how are we today Alex: here finally, can you carry these to the storeroom Seth: the storeroom, sure, maybe you'd like ta show me where it is (Alex looks at Seth, and Seth winks at her sexily) Alex: alright, Cohen we need to work Seth: ok, if by work you mean (coughs) make out uh-hm Alex: no, by work I mean work Seth: alright, no romance in the work place, that's fine I can respect that, but in that case Harbor schools annual SnO.C. balls comin up...wha'dya say, little dancing a little faux snow Alex: obviously you got the wrong idea Saturday night (shakes her head) because you an me it's... (laughs) not happening (walks away) Seth: ...ok, ok except you did kinda kiss me Alex: ah-huh (smiles) it was fun! Seth: (confused) it was fun...that's it, it didn't mean anything to you Alex: dude, it was just a kiss Seth: ok then why didn't you just shake hands (Alex looks at Seth then walks over to the beer guy and kisses him) Alex: thanks Homer, see ya Thursday Homer: (smiles) thankyou (Homer walks away and Seth stands there stunned) Seth: ...you just kissed the beer guy Alex: so it is just a kiss, right Mandy (Alex turns and kisses Mandy, Seth stands behind them so we can see his face between theirs, Seth has his mouth open) Mandy: right (smiles, then walks off) Alex: so Saturday night was (shrugs) fun but...that's all (Seth nods, stunned) those...sodas aren't gonna carry themselves to the store room (Alex walks off and Seth frowns, still stunned by what just happened) CUT TO: Harbor parking lot - Ryan and Seth pull up in the range rover Seth: d'you think its offensive ta say that like...all women are crazy Ryan: probably to women Seth: (frowns) it makes no sense man Alex kisses me an then she turns right around an she kisses Homer Ryan: who's Homer Seth: (frowns) the beer guy, an he's not a looker either an then after that she turns right around and kisses Mandy Ryan: (frowns) Mandy's a girl Seth: yeah Ryan: wow Seth: no, I couldn't even enjoy it so (emphasised) consumed was I with how crazy women are Ryan: ugh believe me I know (gets out) I spent all night at a bus stop talking to Lindsay everything's great, next thing I know, she dumps me before we even go out Seth: crazy Ryan: I know Seth: I know (gets out) i'm tellin ya man, women are so freakin crazy I wouldn't be suprised if next time we see em, Alex is draggin me to the storeroom an Lindsay's askin ya to the dance Ryan: uh I don't think so (sighs) Seth: which part you an Lindsay or me an Alex gettin it on (we hear a car door slam, then see Marissa struggling to carry boxes and rolled up cardboard for the dance) Ryan: hey (Seth waves) Marissa: (smiles) hey Seth: (walks over) how are you, you need a hand with somethin Marissa: sure Seth: alright (takes box from Marissa and passes it straight to Ryan {lol, typical Seth} Ryan be a gentleman, i've got class (walks off) Ryan: what'do you need me to grab Marissa: umm, in my car is a penguin {I have no idea how she managed to say that straight faced! lol) Ryan: (looks at Marissa) a penguin (the next thing we see is Ryan carrying a HUGE stuff penguin over his shoulder, the head is towards the camera, and the butt is behind him. he has to hold it with one hand cause he has the cardboard box under the other arm. you can tell he's struggling, lol. Marissa is walking next to him) Marissa: (sees) be careful! Ryan: oh don't worry, i'm fine Marissa: it's the penguin i'm worried about, he's very expensive Ryan: (out of breath) oh is he, well uh oh (the penguin tips forward and he starts to lose his grip on the box) oh oh oh Marissa: (panics) oh my god, no Ryan (Marissa takes the weight of the head so they are both holding half. Ryan starts to muck around with Marissa, there is dialogue here, I think Ryan says (in a penguin voice) 'my legs went floppy my legs went floppy, then Marissa says 'that's not funny'. it's really nice to see them laughing with each other. we see Lindsay on the stairs and she looks over at them. at this point Marissa has dropped the rolled up cardboard she was holding, and just has hold of the penguin. Seth stands next to Lindsay who looks jealous) Seth: its not too late (points) you can still ask him to the SnO.C. (we see Ryan with the penguin held above his head, he's chasing Marissa with it. Marissa picks up one of the rolled up cardboards) Marissa: (laughing) you have no idea how hard it is to plan one of these events (Marissa whacks Ryan with the cardboard, Ryan smiles) Seth: Ryan? love's to dance Lindsay: he's gonna think...i'm crazy Seth: oh ho ho, he knows your a girl, he expects it (walks off) (Lindsay watches them more, we see Ryan running off with the penguin, and Marissa chasing him with the cardboard. we then go to a class room. Marissa and Ryan walk in. it looks like Marissa is using it as 'SnO.C.' headquarters because there are decorations and things in there) Marissa: mm I have your tickets for the dance an no arguments ok, cause it's for charity Ryan: (puts the box down) if I buy the thing do I have'to go i'm kinda dateless at the moment Marissa: yeah, me too Ryan: what about you an DJ, I thought you guys were Marissa: we're hanging out but...it's a school dance an I think he'd feel weird about it Ryan: hey it's my school, I feel weird about it Marissa: yeah me too an i'm the one throwing the thing Ryan: guess you can't not go huh Marissa: I wish, both my parents are hosting (gets the tickets out) hey you know what why don't we go together (Ryan looks at her) as friends of course but at least that way we wouldn't have'to be alone Ryan: uh that's true Marissa: (smiles) great, so sevens good (Ryan points at her then leaves the room) CUT TO: Summer walking down the hall, Seth is standing near a locker and sees her, he thinks about going over to her and you can tell he's torn. Summer walks passed and he walks next to her Seth: hello Summer, you look lovely today are those manolo's Summer: what'do you need Cohen Seth: well I need help Summer: no argument here Seth: see it turns out Ryan's good for some things ummm comic books, bench pressing, engine repair but sometimes...a more feminine point of view is required Summer: you're asking me for girl advice Seth: an I know its...really weird cause you know you an I are not anymore, the thing is Summer...truthfully you are the only person in my life that I... (closes his eyes) your right this is...really weird an bad, i'm sorry (walks away) Summer: no its Seth: it's really its cool Summer: its ok, i'm listening Seth: really Summer: kind of (picks up a magazine) (they walk over to the couch and sit down) Summer: uh-hm Seth: ok, alright so you remember that girl from Saturday right, the one that I- Summer: you made out with an were rubbing my nose in it Seth: so I thought y'know she likes me right so I asked her to the dance Summer: she said no Seth: right, an then she kissed two people...right infront'a me (raises his eyebrows) Summer: damn, she's good Seth: at what, besides kissing though Summer: well...she's playing you hot an cold and so far Cohen you've just ben hot Seth: Summer Summer: not that kinda hot, you need'a cool it down Cohen, you gotta go like...iceman on her ass, see how she likes it Seth: was that your first Xmen reference Summer: topgun (smiles) Seth: topgun Summer: mm-hmm Seth: hey that's one of the greatest love story's of our time (we see Zach walk in, he looks over and sees Summer sitting with Seth, he's not happy. we see them close up, Seth says something about 'an F14 then Summer hits Seth on the head playfully with her magazine. Zach watches then turns away) CUT TO: Outside a law office, there is a sign but I couldn't make out the name - Renee Wheeler is walking towards her car, I assume her lawyer works there. just as Renee gets close to her car Sandy gets out of his Sandy: Ms. Wheeler (Renee turns around) Sandy Cohen, Caleb's attourney Renee: Mr. Cohen you know I can't speak to you without my attourney present Sandy: with all due respect Miss Wheeler ya didn't say a word to me when your attourney was present Renee: I had nothing to say, i'm not the one on trial here Sandy: then why'd the DA indight you too Renee: (looks at Sandy) ask my lawyer, your going to be hearing from him as well as the bar association, goodbye Mr. Co- Sandy: you're hidin somethin Ms. Wheeler we both know it, look whatever is goin on between you an Caleb Renee: there is nothing going on between me an Caleb Sandy: oh ok well there was...wasn't there (Renee looks at him) so you had an affair so what its over, why not come forward...why risk both of ya goin to jail over-over nothing Renee: I have to go ill see you in court (gets in her car) (Sandy watches, helpless) CUT TO: Harbor classroom - Lindsay walks in, and over to Ryan who is already sitting at a table. Lindsay: (smiles) hey Ryan: (indifferent) hey (writing in his school book) Lindsay: ...so iiiiv'e ben thinking aaannndd well (Ryan glances at her quickly) yes...I would love to go to the dance with you Ryan: (suprised) you would Lindsay: yes Ryan: umm (frowns) i'm kinda goin with someone else now Lindsay: oh Ryan: yeah Lindsay: with Marissa... Ryan: (not looking at Lindsay) yeah Lindsay: god, of course um Ryan: but only because you said- Lindsay: no, no I know an...I was right the first time (Ryan looks at her) really I don't...I don't even like dances soo (laughs) have fun (Lindsay starts her work, and Ryan goes back to his. Lindsay looks at him then looks back down, Ryan looks at her) CUT TO: Summer walking in the halls, she walks up to Zach who is at his locker Summer: hey (touches Zach's back) missed you at lunch Zach: yeah I was...in the library I had to finish a history paper Summer: uh library god how can you work in there, it is like sooo quiet Zach: look I got world lit so I gotta go (walks away) Summer: well hey (Zach stops) um I was thinking maybe before the dance we could like go- Zach: yeah...about that (looks down) um...it turns out i'm not gonna be able to go (Summer nods, sad) I got family stuff, sorry Summer: ok well unless you're like grieving over the death of a family pet...we're going to the SnO.C. Zach: why don't you just ask Cohen...i'm sure he'd love to take ya (Summer doesn't know how to respond, Zach walks off. Summer sort of rolls her eyes then says ugh) CUT TO: The Bait shop - Seth comes in on the top floor, Alex sees (shes also up top but over the side) and gets up to go over to him Alex: hey great your here, the floors need sweeping an mopping and I know how much you looovvveee cleaning the bathroom so I saved them for you but you can start with clearing those empties Seth: (nods) great, ill get right on it (Seth picks up a trash bag and walks over to the table. Alex stands at the stairs and looks at Seth. Seth whistles and turns the trash bag around the other way, finds the opening then puts rubbish in it) Alex: your not very chatty today are ya Seth: uhh, I don't know is there...something you wanted to talk about Alex: no, not really I- Seth: alright (goes back to clearing) uh-hm (Alex's watches him not sure why he's changed, she goes down the stairs) Seth: you know what (Alex looks up) there is something that I think we should discuss (Alex walks back up) here's the thing um...first of all I love working here I do but right now (Alex is listening) for me...with school an homework an this dance coming up...I don't know that I have time for a job Alex: you're quitting Seth: yeah Alex: because I wouldn't make out with you in the storeroom (frowns) Seth: what, no th- just come on listen I asked you to a dance, you said no (Alex is listening) I respect that ok I do I just for me I have...just (closes his eyes) alot of obligations...right now...outside of the Bait shop...so y'know Alex: ...ok Seth: ...ok (Alex walks away from the stairs and walks passed Seth. she pulls some money out of like a petty cash box) Alex: umm this is what I owe you for the week sooo (hands Seth the money) Seth: ok yeah well you know, it looks like it's...all there Alex: its ben really great working with you Seth: you too I mean...you've ben lovely so... Alex: see ya Seth: yeah, take care (Seth walks out and stands there thinking. Seth is outside, he stops just outside the entrance and almost turns back then continues walking. he gets a little further away and stops again, he looks towards the Bait shop then continues walking) CUT TO: Cohen backyard, it's now night - Sandy is on the phone still trying to get hold of Caleb Sandy: (on the phone) Caleb it's your lawyer leaving you yet another message, call me back will ya i've had a break through (Kirsten walks out from the side of the screen, Sandy hangs up) Kirsten: I was wondering what you wanted to do tonight (Sandy makes an 'I don't know' motion) are you ok Sandy: yeah sure, are the boys still here, we should get some picture before they head out to the big dance (Kirsten looks worried about Sandy) CUT TO: Cohen family room/living room - Seth is sitting on the couch watching a movie, Ryan is dressed for the dance Ryan: come on buddy get off your ass, come to the party Seth: thankyou Ryan but i'd like to just...sit here an watch my kungfu movie if you don't mind Ryan: well Marissa an I are only going as friends, we can all go together Seth: (closes his eyes) oooooh that is how lame i've become I cant even be third wheel to an actual relationship Ryan: awww (Sandy and Kirsten come in) Sandy: (to Ryan) whoa look at you, oh you look sharp (fixes Ryan's tie {aww}) (Ryan smiles) so you takin that girl that Seth was tellin me about Ryan: no, that didn't really work out Kirsten: Seth, why aren't you dressed (Seth looks frustrated) Sandy: yeah, your gonna be late for the party Ryan: not the Seth Cohen pity party Seth: could you guys maybe take this discussion elsewhere Samahung's? about to face off with his arch nemesis its kind of a big deal (Sandy looks at Kirsten, Kirsten looks at Sandy. you can tell they both have something in mind) Sandy: you know I-I kinda feel like kickin back with a good movie (Seth closes his eyes in disbelief) Kirsten: me too (Sandy sits on the left of Seth and puts his arm across the back, Kirsten sits on the right. Seth groans {lol}) Kirsten: so Seth: ugh (Ryan stands at the back of the couch directly behind Seth) Kirsten: what're we watching (Seth looks at Kirsten) Seth: eh- (sighs) th- (sighs) (gives in) (un happy) masters of martial arts Sandy: (points) this is masters'a martial arts Seth: yes Sandy: I hear this is wonderful (Seth closes his eyes, you can tell he's not enjoying the parental company {lol}) Kirsten: (frowns) why is that ninja smoking a cigarette Sandy: honey honey I-I I don't actually think that's a ninja, ninjas usually wear capes, right Kirsten: oooh so a ninjas like a super hero Seth: (had enough) mom dad you two enjoy (gets up) Ryan (steps over Sandy's legs) give me five minutes Sandy: wh-where you goin (Ryan smiles) come on back Ryan: nice work (Kirsten smiles, pleased) Sandy: never underestimate a parent's ability to mortify his child CUT TO: Marissa bedroom - Marissa and Summer are both there getting ready for the dance Summer: so, no SnO.C. for DJ Marissa: (laughs) with my mom an dad hosting, he'll just pick me up after, an then maybe Zach'll show an we can all go out Summer: I don't care if Zach shows, infact honestly I would rather go by myself (sits on Marissa's bed) Marissa: oh really Summer: (nods) mm-hmm Marissa: you would Summer: no Marissa: good because you're going with me an Ryan (picks up her bag) Summer: great, now i'm being dragged along like the homely cousin from Iowa (Marissa looks at her) well you know (knock at the door) at least I wont have'to deal with Cohen knowing that i'm going alone (they both walk to the door. Marissa opens it and we see Ryan, and of course Seth standing there. Seth is shocked when he sees Summer) Summer: OH - GOD (looks at Marissa) Seth: hello Summer (Summer walks between Ryan and Seth, and out of the room. Marissa does the same. Ryan follows Marissa then Seth looks in Marissa's room before turning around and following them) Seth: where's Zach [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO: The 4 of them driving in the car - it's just like old times. Ryan is driving, Marissa is next to him. Seth is behind Marissa and Summer is next to Seth. everyone is quiet Ryan: so just like old times huh Seth: seriously man four people an not one of us could get a real date...I guess we're gonna win the awards for biggest losers in Newport beach Summer: (smirks) you must win that award alot Seth: (looks at Summer) (fakes laughs) ooh i'm sorry, is Zach in here, is he hiding somewhere...Zach? ...Zachary (pretends to look {lol}) Summer: ok at least he didn't kiss two people right infront'a me (raises her eyebrows) Marissa: (turns around) who did that Summer: Seth's girlfriend, oh i'm sorry that's right she dumped you (Seth fake laughs) Marissa: she kissed two guys right infront of you Ryan: ...I think it was a guy an a girl Summer: what! (Marissa smiles) Seth: thanks for that buddy... Summer: wait she kissed another girl you did not (hits Seth) tell me that Seth: I- a gentleman never tells (Summer laughs) when his...girl kisses...a girl an a guy (Summer laughs again) Marissa: (sighs) it does kinda feel like old times (Ryan smiles/laughs) CUT TO: The SnO.C. - Marissa, Summer Ryan then Seth walk in. we see the results of Marissa's decorating and it's gorgeous. there are little penguins scattered around. faux snow on different parts of the decorations, and some things that look kind of like lit up snow flakes. the four walk through what looks like an ice tunnel and stop just outside it. we see tables, the dance floor and lots of people dancing and having a great time. Summer: oh my god Coop Marissa: (unsure) is it ok Summer: ok? it's beautiful! Ryan: I can't believe you did all this Seth: it reminds me of when Mr. Freeze attacked the Gotham society ball (Marissa and Summer look at him) which is a compliment Marissa: (nods) well i'm just glad people showed up...an there actually dancing! (she looks at Ryan) Ryan: you don't wanna... Marissa: dance? (smiles) sure, why not (grabs Ryan's hand and leads him to the dance floor) Ryan: ill see you later (Seth makes dance moves at Summer) Summer: don't even think about it (Summer walks off, Seth puts his hands out as if to say 'what' then walks off - we now see Marissa and Ryan on the dance floor together, Ryan has one hand on Marissa's waist and the other holding her hand. Marissa has one hand on his shoulder/around his neck and the other holding his hand, they are standing a little apart. not how we're use to seeing them) Ryan: (laughs) how bad do you wish DJ we're here right now Marissa: its ok (shrugs) ...just if it's not too weird, don't stand so far away...it looks like we're in the fifth grade Ryan: right... (Ryan moves in a little and Marissa puts her head closer to his shoulder. she touches his head with hers and smiles. they continue to dance. you can tell she is enjoying it. {they look soooo sweet, even though they are just friends. I felt like she was thinking the same thing I was, it's been too long! 127 to be precise ;)} - ok the camera pans and we see Julie walking around the dance floor. Julie smiles and walks over to Jimmy who is eating) Julie: (taps Jimmy) Jimmy look, see (points to Ryan and Marissa dancing together) Jimmy: mmm, yeah (swallows) she looks beautiful Julie: yes but more importantly she's with Ryan who right now lets face it...looks like prince charming (smiles) Jimmy: (looks at Julie) so your happy Julie: ooooh so happy...thankyou for coming (kisses Jimmy on the cheek) (Julie kisses him a little too long, and they have a 'moment') Guy: Jimmy hi Jimmy: ooh hey Julie: (smiles) hi (we pan back over to Marissa and Ryan for a second, they look much more comfortable with each other now) CUT TO: Cohen front door - Kirsten opens it and Caleb is standing there Kirsten: dad, Sandy didn't tell me you were coming over (Caleb kisses her on the cheek) Caleb: he said he had something that could save my hide, clearly he didn't share it with you Kirsten: no he actually respects things like attourney client priviledge (Sandy comes in) Sandy: yeah I said call me, not come over Caleb: I was in the neighbourhood (we see Caleb and Sandy walk out to the backyard) Caleb: so...what'a you got, what is this miraculous development Sandy: I spoke with Renee Wheeler today I know about the affair Caleb: what? Sandy: relax, she didn't give ya up, why didn't ya tell me Caleb: because the details of my personal life...have no bearing on this case Sandy: oh yes they do, the DA thinks you've ben payin off Renee Wheeler to get building permits Caleb: the DA's an idiot (moves away) Sandy: (follows) even if you were havin an affair with this woman...sixteen years is an awfully long time ta be payin someone alimony...unless there was a child Caleb: that is the most preposterous- Sandy: Caleb?, was there a child Caleb: ...we were together just a few months (Sandy is listening) Renee came to me...said she was pregnant, I set up a trust (through the kitchen window we see Kirsten looking out) it was a long time ago Sandy (we see Kirsten again) I made a mistake Sandy: well when you make a mistake...you really make a mistake (we see Kirsten inside now, not through the window. she puts a wine glass on the bench and pours wine into it - Sandy and Caleb are now out the front at Caleb's car) Sandy: first thing Monday morning you an Renee are gonna go to the judge an tell em everything Caleb: (in his car) I can't do that Sandy: (tries to get through to Caleb) your both lookin at jail time Caleb: i'm sorry Sandy, I can't (Caleb drives off and Sandy watches stunned) CUT TO: Zach driving in his car. he's listening to the radio Radio: hey this is KJHS? the Harbor school radio station coming to you live from the SnO.C winter dance and this song is for all you lonely hearts out there CUT TO: The SnO.C. - Summer is talking to a girl then the girl walks away and Seth comes up to her. he makes the most adorable 'puppy dog' face at her then motions to the dance floor, she doesn't budge so he does it again, this times she smiles. he again does the 'puppy dog face' at her Summer: (gives in) fine, but no talking (Seth has an expression that looks like he's proud of himself, so cute) CUT TO: Zach in the car again. he thinks for second then looks behind him before making an abrupt U turn which causes the car behind him to blast their horn. Zach is now going in the direct that he came from CUT TO: The SnO.C. - Ryan is standing by himself and Julie goes over to him Julie: Ryan (Ryan looks up) hi (kisses him on the cheek) (Ryan is thrown by this) uh you look so handsome Ryan: thanks... Julie: I know that you an I have had our differences in the past but now with you an Marissa back together Ryan: actually we- Julie: you know, with you gone this summer she got a little bit out of control but with the both of us looking out for her (to Marissa) hi sweetie, we were just talking about you (we see Marissa come up behind Ryan, Ryan turns around to face her) Ryan: well we don't wanna keep you from your hosting duties Julie: oh (Ryan and Marissa walk away, Julie smiles - Ryan and Marissa are now outside on what looks like a balcony) Marissa: she told you you were handsome Ryan: yeah (sighs) (loosens his tie) Marissa: a year ago she wanted'ta have me committed cause I was dating you Ryan: yeah an now somehow you've managed to find someone she hates even more Marissa: I know, can you imagine what she would've done if I brought DJ Ryan: kinda...which is...why i'm suprised you didn't, you usually don't pass up a chance to ruin your moms night Marissa: yeah but why put DJ through that, I jus told him to come after Ryan: so it's not because you're embarrassed Marissa: (looks at Ryan) I already told you, the winter ball it's...not his type'a thing Ryan: did he decide that or did you (Marissa looks at Ryan, then we see DJ's truck pull up in the parking lot below. he honks the horn. Marissa looks and smiles when she realises its DJ. DJ waves to her and smiles. Marissa smiles and waves back. Ryan looks towards DJ then Marissa, then begins to take his jacket off, he then loosens his tie more and takes it off. he holds both out to Marissa) Ryan: figure we're probably the same size Marissa: (smiles) (softly) thanks (runs away then turns back) oh hey you sure your gonna be ok Ryan: yeah actually there's...somethin I have'to do (Marissa nods and runs off - the next thing we see is DJ getting out of his truck, and Marissa coming up to him - we go back into the dance and Summer and Seth are dancing together {aww} they are dancing close, like how they use to when they were a couple. Seth has his hands linked around, resting on her lower back, and Summer has her arms around his neck. every now and then they make eye contact) Seth: ...can I talk yet Summer: ugh Seth: I just (Summer looks up at him) was curious...why Zach isn't here Summer: because...he was jealous I guess Seth: he was jealous, of what of uh...my good looks an charm...of my modesty Summer: of your big mouth (Seth smiles) he saw us talking an... Seth: when Summer: in the hallway...in the lounge... Seth: yeah Summer: before...during and after school (Seth sighs) (we see Zach walk on to the dance floor, he looks around for Summer and sees them dancing together) Seth: I mean we were jus talking Summer: I know Zach: hey guys (they both look over and see Zach and quickly let go of each other) Summer: Zach (Seth waves) you came (smiles) Zach: yeah, I thought you might still need a date (Summer looks at him) stupid huh Seth: Zach it's really not like that Zach: yeah (nods) it is...an I-I get it, you guys are just one'a those couples, even when you're not being a couple you'll always be a couple...your Joanie an Chachi...Luke an Leia Seth: Luke an...Leia were...brother an...sister (frowns) Zach: yeah well, may the force be with you (Zach turns around and leaves, Summer watches sad) CUT TO: Lindsay's house - Ryan rings the doorbell and waits. Lindsay opens the door and sees its Ryan, she smiles and pulls the door shut Ryan: hey, so (Lindsay takes her glasses off) I...was just in the neighbourhood um (looks down) (Ryan looks up at Lindsay then down again, we see why. she's wearing cute blue slippers with old man heads on them) Lindsay: oh uh (laughs) it-its Freud my uh slippers have Freud on them (Ryan smiles) there my...Freudian slippers (Ryan laughs) uh so...what're you doing here Ryan: I just wanted to tell you...that iiii should've gone to the dance with you, I wanted...ta go...with you Lindsay: that's why your here Ryan: and I was hoping we could you know do somethin, hang out (smiles) Lindsay: (smiles) um...uh...no, i'm sorry Ryan: (stunned) ok what about tomorrow night Lindsay: Ryan this just isn't gonna work Ryan: why not Lindsay: because your...your you Ryan: w-what'does that mean Lindsay: I mean (looks down) your this tough kid from Chino who...lives in some rich family's pool house...with an ex girlfriend who's maybe the most intimidatingly beautiful girl in the history of high school Ryan: yeah, but right now i'm here with you, I mean I will see you at school...in the hallway...in class and...i'm not givin up (Lindsay looks at him) cause I like you...who knows why but...I think that if you got to know me you'd like me too (Lindsay looks at him) so...night (Ryan turns around and walks to the car, Lindsay watches then goes inside. she shuts the door and looks out at Ryan through the glass panels, she turns around and leans against the door, you can tell she's struggling with what to do) CUT TO: Caleb's office - it's dark and Caleb is in there by himself. the camera pans to the door and we see a woman's hand knock. Caleb looks over and we see Renee come in Caleb: hello Renee, thankyou for agreeing to meet me here Renee: what's this all about Caleb (they both sit opposite each other) Caleb: I understand you had a run in with my son-in-law Renee: he came to see me but I didn't say anything Caleb: I know an I appreciate that...this must be tough on you...but we just have'to get through the next couple of weeks Renee: an then what? an then you go to jail...are you really willing to do that to protect the secret Caleb: it's not the secret i'm trying to protect, it's my family...this would devastate my daughter Renee: (looks at Caleb) an what about mine...ours Caleb: (sits forward) I could arrange for you both to leave the country (Renee scoffs) not permanently just until this blows over (Renee gets up) Caleb: what're you gonna do (Renee looks at Caleb, Caleb looks at her) Renee: I don't know anymore (Renee walks out and Caleb sits there, thinking) CUT TO: The Bait shop - Zach walks in on the top floor. he looks over the railing and we see Alex behind the bar on the bottom floor. the next thing we see is Zach walking away from the stairs down the bottom and over to the bar Zach: pretty quiet around here huh Alex: (smiles) yeah all the kiddies are at there various winter dances Zach: (smiles) you hoo please, one (Alex prepares his drink) Zach: you were at the Killers show here right Alex: uh I go to alot of shows here...cause I was work here Zach: no, yeah you were here with Ryan Alex: um yeah at the time, why you go to Harbor? (puts his drink down) why aren't you at the SnO.C. winter wank-off Zach: it's...complicated...or not...the girl I like is in love with another guy an probably always will be Alex: and uh right now your girl is at the dance with the other guy...and your here...well if she didn't love you before then this display of courage an dedication should definitely do the trick Zach: i'm sensing a low level of sarcasm here (smiles) (Alex smiles at him) what am I spose'to do Alex: (shrugs) be a man, put down your chocolate soda an fight for her Zach: i'm not really much of a fighter, I know I look big but it's just- I have broad shoulders Alex: (leans closer to him) no what I mean is that she can't fall for you, if your not there to catch her Zach: (thinks) your right, I at least threaten to fight for her an even if it turned into an actual fight I could take Seth Cohen (Alex looks at him) thanks (leaves) Alex: (to Mandy) did he just say Seth Cohen CUT TO: The SnO.C. - DJ and Marissa are dancing together. she has her arm around his neck, and their heads are touching (women are gossiping about them, saying stuff like looks it's the gardner - we see them dancing again. Julie sees and doesn't look happy, she begins to walk over to them and Jimmy grabs her arm) Jimmy: oooh no you don't Julie: Jimmy Jimmy: (pulls her) no Julie: let go Jimmy: come on your comin with me Julie: Jimmy I have to- Jimmy: what embarrass Marissa...don't you remember when we were kids, no one could keep us apart Julie: ok first of all it is not the same thing, second of all am I the gardner in this scenario, I think not Jimmy: my parents threatened to cut me off if I didn't break up with you Julie: (shocked) you never told me that Jimmy: didn't wanna hurt your feelings Julie: what'did you tell them Jimmy: I told them to go to hell, I told em I was in love with you...I was Julie: well...I was easy to love back then, I was...beautiful an...much nicer Jimmy: Jules, come on, your still beautiful...an we both know...you were never nice (Julie smiles, then Jimmy smiles. Julie leans forward and kisses him. Julie pulls back looks at Jimmy and they kiss again) CUT TO: Outside the SnO.C. - Summer is sitting on a bench by herself and Seth comes out, they look at each other. Summer sighs. Seth waves Summer: we said that we were gonna stay away from each other... Seth: yeah except...Ryan left with the car Summer: well I have'to wait for DJ an Marissa to finish making out so Seth: (nods) oh (Summer motions for him to sit, he walks over and sits in the middle then moves right to the opposite end) Seth: so it looks like we did really well for ourselves Summer: oh yeah very impressive Seth: yeah nice going Summer: right back at'cha (we hear the screeching sound of tyres then see a car pull up, Zach is driving it) Summer: (sees) Zach! (Zach gets out of the car and starts walking over) Seth: (stands) hey man ya came back listen I w- (Zach punches Seth in the face, Summer gasps. Seth falls on his back) Seth: ooh Summer: oh my god! (goes over to Seth) Seth: ooww Zach: oh my god Seth: oh my goodness Summer: (to Zach) god you hit him! Zach: (kneels down with them) I know I-I I don't know what happened i've never hit anybody before Seth: well you'd never know it Summer: god Zach: I-i'm so sorry Seth: (sighs) probably deserved it (Alex pulls up, and goes over to them) Alex: Seth Seth: Alex Zach: Alex? Summer: Alex... Seth: (sighs) what're you doin here Alex: I felt responsible for you (Summer and Zach look at her, then Seth) Alex: (to Summer) I can take it from here Summer: yeah I...I guess you can, come on Zach (grabs his arm) see you guys (stands) Zach: sorry Cohen (they walk away) Alex: come on, we have a first aid kit back at the club (Seth gives Alex his hand) Seth: in the storeroom perhaps Alex: do you wanna get hit again CUT TO: Inside the SnO.C. - Summer has an icepack wrapped in a tea towel and takes it to Zach Summer: (sits) (sighs) here Zach: (takes it) thanks (puts it on his hand) ...look...i'm really sorry...I-its just every time I turn around its you an Cohen Summer: I know...i'm sorry but...he's not my boyfriend, he's not he's just... (shrugs) he's Cohen Zach: so what am I Summer: well you were my boyfriend...till you decided not to take me to the dance Zach: (smiles) so can I ask you a question (Summer smiles) will you go to the dance with me Summer: (smiles) hmm let me think about it (they smile at each other {aww} CUT TO: The Bait shop - its dark and Alex walks in, Seth is already in there sitting down (you can barely see him) he sighs Alex: you sure you're ok Seth: i'm fine, its just (Alex sits next to him) a shame you got there when you did cause I was-I was about ready to y'know bring the-the hurt Alex: (laughs) really Seth: uh yeah, yeah, yeah you bet Alex: mm id like to see that Seth: yeah? little bit a (makes pansy fists) little bit'a that Alex: ah-huh no, what...are those Seth: these, these are fists ok Alex: ok (stands) Seth: or as I like to call em, the twin ambassadors of pain Alex: c'mere Seth: you- Alex: stand up Seth: (pulls him up by his fists) you're touching the twin ambassadors Alex: (grabs his fists) hold them like (laughs) like this, ok Seth: ok Alex: ok (starts hitting Seth on the arms) Seth: what're you...what're you doing Alex: i'm teaching you to defend yourself Seth: wh, against who, you! (Alex hits him again, she starts getting rougher) Seth: ok this is really fun thanks alright alright ok Alex: defend yourself! Seth: I...don't know how- (Alex hits him hard in the eye, and Seth grabs it. Alex puts her hand up to her mouth, shocked) Seth: ooww Alex: (laughs) i'm sorry oh my god are you ok Seth: god my eye I think you just scratched my cornea Alex: i'm sorry, no Seth: I can't see Alex: no way, no Seth: it's blurry Alex: put your hands down, let me see Seth: its blurry (Alex looks) Alex: what're you talking about its fine Seth: then why does it hurt Alex: um (kisses it better {aww}) ...there does that feel better Seth: a little...a little bit Alex: ...did I get you anywhere else Seth: you kinda nicked me right there a little bit (points to his lips) (Alex leans forward and kisses him, she pulls back and looks at him then they kiss again) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is lying on his bed reading and there is a knock at the door Ryan: come in (Ryan rolls over to look towards the door, Lindsay walks in. Ryan sits up, suprised) Lindsay: um...after you left...I tried to read (Ryan gets off the bed) and I-I do this thing where I put a red dot at the bottom of the page to see how efficiently i'm reading and sometimes ill have'to read a page two or three times (Ryan smiles) so there'll be...two or three (laughs) red dots um well...after you left iiii...made...eleven red dots at the bottom of the page (Ryan walks closer, smiling) eleven (laughs) Ryan: Lindsay Lindsay: i'm talking too much...as usual i'm sorry I-I just I get nervous then I start talking an then nothing can shut me up (Ryan leans forward and kisses her) Lindsay: ...except that, I guess (laughs) Ryan: I know something we can do that doesn't involve alotta talking (the camera pans and we see Ryan and Lindsay sitting in front of his bed playing the PSX) Ryan: alright throw the grenade, throw the- Lindsay: wait, wait, wait (we hear a crash) (laughs) wait what happened to my head Ryan: it rolled under the truck (Lindsay laughs) it's not good (Lindsay looks at Ryan then looks away, Ryan looks at her then looks away, Lindsay looks at him again) Lindsay: so this is h

Winter finally comes to Newport, and Seth, Ryan, Summer and Marissa attend the annual "SnO.C. Winter Ball." Julie and Jimmy spend some quality time together as the chairs of the host committee and Sandy continues to close in on the truth Caleb has been hiding. Meanwhile, Julie discovers Marissa's secret when Marissa goes home at lunch to meet D.J.

fd_Hell_on_Wheels_01x02

fd_Hell_on_Wheels_01x02_0

[ EXT. Massacre Site - Day ] ( A sizable river runs by and birds sing in the trees. It is a beautiful day, despite the carnage at the surveyors' camp. Scalped bodies lay on the ground, the sound of FLIES heavy in the air. Some of the bodies have been loaded into the back of a buckboard wagon by two men. The CHICAGO TRIBUNE REPORTER is documenting the scene with his camera. His flash-pan WHOOSHES loudly. The horse hitched to the buckboard is startled by the sound and WHINNIES. ) ( The reporter looks up from his camera towards the ridge to see a party of three men riding on horseback. One figure, on a white horse, rides ahead of the two other men. The two men with the reporter chamber rounds in their weapons. ) Reporter: It's Durant. ( DURANT dismounts, as do the two men. ) Reporter: ( to himself ) What the hell's he doing here? ( Durant walks up to the Reporter. ) Durant: Are you the Chicago Tribune reporter? Reporter: Yes Durant: Did you photograph this body? Reporter: Y-yes, sir, Mr. Durant, but just-just the one body. ( Durant looks at the man, disgusted. ) Durant: What's wrong with you, man? Reporter: I'm sorry. I thought... Durant: Just the one won't do. ( The Reporter is confused. ) Durant: ( to the men by the buckboard ) Get those bodies off the wagons. Come on, snap to, boys. ( The men drag one man, the sentry who was shot first, from the wagon. They drag the sentry back to the field as Durant continues to talk to the reporter. ) Durant: I want this scene photographed exactly how you found it. I want an unblinking look at the horror perpetrated here. ( The Reporter is still confused. ) Durant: More arrows. We need more arrows. ( Durant gathers arrows and sticks them into random corpses lying in the meadow. He attempts to stick one into a man lying in front of the Reporter but it won't go in. Durant pushes it slowly in with a SQUISH, much to the Reporter's disgust. Durant looks up at him. ) Durant: He can't feel anything. He's dead, for God's sake. ( Durant turns as a man, identified as DURANT'S MAN, walks from the tree line. ) Durant: The maps. You find them? Durant's man: ( shrugs ) No, sir. Nothing anywhere. Durant: Keep looking. Durant's other man (O.C.): Mr. Durant, over here! [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: Woods ] ( Durant and his men walk towards two bodies, one being Sun Bear, the brave killed by Lily Bell. Durant kneels and rolls over the other. It is Robert Bell. ) Durant: Robert. ( stands ) Pack up everything. Bring it all back to Hell on Wheels. ( Durant is about to leave when something catches his eye in the grass. He bends to pick up the object. It is a silver pocket watch. He opens the hunting case and turns it to see the inside of the cover. There is a black and white photo of Lily Bell stuck to the watch cover. He looks at the photo a long while. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. The Cut - Day ] ( Men, both Negro and white, are working in the cut. BOHANNON walks along the top of the cut, monitoring work. He looks at ELAM before continuing on. Two men approach on horseback at a gallop. One, Dix, has long brown hair. The other, BOLAN, has short, sandy hair and a beard and wears a Union jacket. Bohannon notices them and puts his hand on the grip of his gun. Elam climbs out of the cut and stands next to Bohannon as Dix and Bolan approach. ) Elam: ( quietly ) They found Johnson's body. Everybody back in camp talk 'bout it. ( Bohannon turns to Elam. ) Bohannon: Get the hell back in that cut. ( Elam doesn't move. Bolan arrives first and pulls his horse to a stop. ) Bolan: You Cullen Bohannon? ( Bohannon and Elam stare at Bolan. ) Bolan: You hear about Daniel Johnson's murder? Bohannon: Who wants to know? Bolan: ( raises eyebrows and smirks ) Why you so spooked, son? Bohannon: I guess I still ain't cottoned to the sight of Union blue riding up on me. ( Bolan chuckles and smiles. He turns to Dix, who gives a small smile. ) Bolan: You ought to be happy to see us. Bohannon: Yeah? And why's that? Bolan: Boss wants to talk to you about taking Johnson's job. ( Bohannon sighs and looks at Elam ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Hell on Wheels - Same Day ] ( Town is bustling with activity after the move to a new location. People are setting up their tents. MICKEY is pulling up a pole that forms part of the framework for the Magic Lantern Show tent. ) ( SEAN exits the Starlight Saloon with two bottles of liquor. He crosses the street to Mickey and hands him a bottle. ) Sean: Here you go, Mickey. ( puts his arm around Mickey's shoulder ) Yeah. ( Near the rail line, Bohannon rides his horse, following Dix and Bolan. Bohannon is smoking a cigar. ) ( CLOSE ON man hanging from a makeshift gallows ) ( The trio arrive at their destination and dismount. Bohannon follows Bolan up the steps of a caboose. Bohannon removes his hat and puts out his cigar with his boot before entering. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: INT. Caboose ] ( A large, imposing man dressed in a black waistcoat sits praying over a piece of hardtack at his desk. This is THOR GUNDERSEN. The hanged man can be seen through the window behind him. ) Swede: We thank thee Lord for this bounty you have placed before me. ( He finishes and looks up at Bohannon. He indicates a chair across from his desk. ) Swede: Sit down. ( Bolan pulls up a chair across from the Swede's desk. The Swede dips the hardtack in a bowl of liquid. ) Swede: Sit down. ( Bohannon doesn't sit but eyes the Swede. The Swede calmly takes a bite of hardtack. Bohannon looks out the window at the hanged man. ) Swede: ( nods towards window ) Horse thief. Tor Gundersen, head of security for Mr. Thomas Durant. ( The Swede extends his hand. Bohannon shakes. ) Swede: They call me the Swede. ( beat ) I'm Norwegian but no matter. ( shrugs ) We are all Americans now, even you Rebels, yes? ( He smiles but Bohannon does not return it or respond. ) Swede: Hmm...Daniel Johnson told me that the two of you was cut from the same cloth. Bohannon: ( scoffs ) Yeah? I don't think so. Swede: ( bits into hardtack ) Why is that? Did you not like him? Bohannon: ( shrugs and shakes head ) He was my boss. That's about all there was to it. Swede: And drinking companion, yes? Bohannon: ( nods ) We tore it up some. Swede: I understand the two of you was "tearing it up some" on the night he was murdered. In fact, you was seen leaving the saloon with him. Hmm? ( The two men stare each other down for a moment. Bohannon smirks. ) Bohannon: Yeah. ( looks toward Bolan and Dix ) I'm not here to talk about Johnson's job, am I? Swede: ( laughing ) Is that what they told you? ( Bolan and Dix stand near the door, chuckling. Bolan has placed himself in front of the door. The Swede continues to chew on the hardtack. ) Bohannon: You a lawman, Mr. Swede? Swede: Hmm? Bohannon: 'Cause I don't see no badge. Swede: ( brushes off his clothes ) Oh, no. There's no official law out here yet. Bohannon: Then what authority you got to be interrogating me? Swede: ( looks up ) Mr. Durant has appointed me to bring some order to the chaos out here. Bohannon: When's the last time you took a look outside, Mr. Swede? ( beat ) Looks to me like chaos is winnin'. Swede: Well, when harlots and dipsomaniacs are killed, I lose not a minute's sleep. But Daniel Johnson was a valuable asset to Mr. Durant. Bohannon: Daniel Johnson was hated by just about every man who worked for him. Swede: ( with interest ) Any with a reason to kill him? ( beat ) Perhaps one of the Negroes. ( nods ) I heard he had some trouble with them. Hmm? Bohannon: I wouldn't know nothing about that. Swede: ( skeptical ) Hmm...Ja, ja. ( He sweeps the crumbs from the hardtack with his pinky and he mutters in Norwegian. He looks up at Bohannon. ) Swede: Well, that leaves only you then. Bohannon: ( beat ) You know what? I'm done here. This ain't no court. ( The Swede grips a double-barrel, pistol-grip coach gun that is holstered to the underside of his desk. Bohannon moves towards the door. As he passes, Dix pulls Bohannon back by his coat pocket. Bohannon unsheathes a knife and nicks Dix. He holds the knife to Bolan's throat. The unmistakable CLICKS of the hammers going back on the shotgun stops Bohannon in his tracks. ) ( The Swede holds up the gun, the word "BEAUTY" carved on the side of one barrel. ) Swede: This here's Beauty. ( Bolan swings Bohannon's knife away from his throat. He pulls out his pistol and cocks back the hammer. He straightens his jacket, indignant. ) Swede: She's an old piece, but she still shoots true. [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: INT. Pig Car ] ( The Swede shoves Bohannon into the car. Bohannon hits the far side of the cart and falls. The Swede holds him by the neck. He puts on manacles that are tethered around one of the floor boards. ) ( Bolan stands near the door, his pistol trained on Bohannon. ) Swede: We gonna give you a chance to confess to this crime. ( He nods and Bohannon looks up at him in fear. The Swede slowly turns away and leaves. Bolan holsters his pistol and slides the door shut. The CLANK of the chains can be heard as he locks Bohannon in. ) ( Bohannon waits a moment before pulling at the chain looped around the floor board. The board CREAKS but it doesn't budge. He pulls again but falls on his backside. He looks out at the hanging man and sighs, his eyes wild. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Nebraska Territory - Day ] ( LILY BELL walks slowly near a river, the map case tucked under her arm. She is disheveled and covered in blood. She hears the SNORT of a horse and looks around. ) ( Through the trees, she sees several men on horseback. ) ( She drops to the ground, wincing in pain. ) ( The men ride out of the trees. There are three Cheyenne men. ) ( Lily crouches behind a fallen tree, peering through the branches. ) ( The men dismount and hitch their horses to a large tree. Two of them begin to gather fuel for a fire while the third, PAWNEE KILLER, looks towards the log Lily is hiding behind. She crouches, terrified. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Pig Car - Same Day ] ( Bohannon sits with his back against the wall. He digs with his heel at the straw strewn on the floor. He sees a large nail sticking up from the floor boards. Bohannon moves to kneel near the nail and starts to scratch at the wood around it. He grips the nail and starts to pull at it. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INTERCUT BETWEEN ] [ FLASHBACK - INT. Bohannon Farmhouse - Some time before 1864 ] ( FROM Bohannon's POV ) ( The camera pans down a hallway and moves towards the front porch of the house. A woman with auburn hair is sitting in a chair cross stitching. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Pig Car - Same Day ] ( Bohannon continues to pull at nail. ) ( FLASHBACK INT/EXT. Bohannon Farmhouse, Porch - Sometime before 1864 ) ( PUSH IN on woman's cross stitch. It is a picture of a yellow farmhouse with a magnolia tree blossoming in front of it. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Pig Car - Same Day ] ( Bohannon continues to work at nail ) ( FLASHBACK I/E Bohannon Farmhouse, Porch - Sometime before 1864 ) ( The woman looks up as someone puts his hands on her shoulders. She smiles as she looks up at Bohannon. This is Mary Bohannon, his wife. He smiles down at her. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Pig Car - Same Day ] ( Sweat beads on the end of Bohannon's nose as he strains at the nail. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Nebraska Territory - Same Day ] ( Lily dozes, leaning against the fallen tree. ) ( Pawnee Killer and his men are camped out only a few feet away from Lily's hiding spot. One man brushes his hair with a silver brush while the other puts more wood on the fire. ) ( JOSEPH walks out of the woods towards the camp. The men do not hear him approach. ) Joseph: Where is she? ( The three men jump to their feet at the sound of Joseph's voice. ) Pawnee Killer: Hello, little brother. What are you doing way out here? ( Joseph takes the brush from the men. ) Joseph: Where's the woman? ( He holds out the brush to Pawnee Killer. It was Lily's once. ) Pawnee Killer: We don't have her. Yet. Joseph: You kill white men, that's one thing. But you take one of their women and you'll have every damn one of them hunting you down. Pawnee Killer: ( nods ) Good. I'll count coup and get more scalps. Joseph: I hope it was worth it. ( Joseph turns and starts to walk away. ) Pawnee Killer: What about the scalps you took? ( Joseph stops and looks over his shoulder. ) Pawnee Killer: You act so pure now, but I remember a time when you loved the taste of blood. ( Joseph turns more fully towards Pawnee Killer. ) Joseph: ( nods ) Jesus has forgiven me for that. Pawnee Killer: ( nods ) Jesus may have forgiven you but do you think your white friends would? ( Joseph stays silent and walks away. ) Pawnee Killer: ( calling after Joseph ) You better find her before I do. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT/EXT. Hell on Wheels, Pig Car - That Night ] ( Bohannon is still struggling to pull up the floorboard. He grunts as he strains at his chains. ) ( Elam walks up to the car. ) Elam: Hey. Hey. ( Bohannon stops and looks up, confused. ) Elam: You'd be surprised how fast you get used to the feel of them things. Bohannon: What the hell are you doing here? ( Bohannon goes back to working on his chains. ) Elam: Wanted to know if you be fixing to testifying on me. Bohannon: I don't know. Ain't decided yet. Elam: I know about that sergeant. ( Bohannon stops and looks up again. ) Elam: Heard Johnson say some other things, too. Things about men getting killed in churches and such. ( Bohannon goes back to work. ) Bohannon: Yeah, what's your point? Elam: Point is, I be hanging for Johnson, you gonna drop down right beside me for the folks you done killed. ( Bohannon moves to the side of the car so he can look Elam in the eye. ) Bohannon: Tell you what, you tell your story and then I'll tell mine and we'll see who they believe. Elam: ( nods ) Yeah, who'll believe some nigger slave over a white man? Bohannon: ( chuckles ) Relax, son. Ain't nobody hanging nobody. ( Bohannon moves back to pull at the floorboard. ) Elam: I ain't your damn son. Bohannon: Well, I'll be out of her by tomorrow. Elam: I imagine that's what that horse thief done said. ( Bohannon looks up at Elam. Elam hears a wagon coming and runs off. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. McGinnes Brothers' Magic Lantern Show Tent - Same Night ] ( A crowd is leaving after another successful magic lantern show. SEAN leans against table holding the magic lantern while MICKEY holds open the tent flap, seeing patrons out. The Swede sits silently on a bench, still staring at the screen. Mickey and Sean look at each other and then the Swede. ) Mickey: Did you enjoy the show, sir? ( The Swede doesn't look up, instead admiring the projected image of a bridge over a river. ) Swede: Very moving images of home, boys. Sean: But you don't sound Irish. Swede: I ain't, but my heart was moved nonetheless. ( sighs ) We all yearning for our homeland out here in this strange place. Sean: ( pulls out the slide ) Excuse me, sir, have we met? Swede: We have not. ( rises and turns to the brothers ) Folks 'round here call me the Swede. ( extends his hand to Mickey ) You got yourself a prime location here, boys. Mickey: ( steps forward and shakes the Swede's hand ) Yes, siree. Right between the whores and the liquor. ( Sean looks worried. ) Mickey: ( laughs ) Picked it out meself. Sean: What is it you want, Mr. Swede? Swede: I like that. Right to the point. And the point is nice location like this got a nice price attached to it. ( Sean nods, realizing why the Swede is there. Mickey is suddenly very grave. ) Sean: I should have realized there was a reason this spot wasn't taken. I should have seen this comin'. Swede: I take it you're the smart one. Sean: Aye. ( Mickey makes a protesting sound. ) Sean: So how much you want, Mr. Swede? Swede: Ah, once again, right to the point. Uh, two dollars a week. First payment due this Friday. Mickey: ( incensed ) But that's half our flippin' take! Swede: ( loudly ) And for this two dollars you shall have my protection against all the villains that surround you in this wicked place. ( Sean looks skeptical. ) Mickey: And what if we don't pay? Swede: Well, you can always move down to the slaughterhouse. Sean: ( defiantly ) And what if we refuse to move? Swede: ( smiles ) And I thought you was the smart one. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Hell on Wheels, Near the Pig Car - Next Day ] ( A rooster CROWING and hens CLUCKING can be heard. The dirt roads in town are now mud, some places simply deep puddles from rain. People slowly go about their morning business. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: INT. Pig Car - Day ] ( Bohannon is still trying to pry up the nail. He hears the CLANK of the chains on the door and looks up to see the shadow of someone about to open the door. He throws straw around the nail and quickly sits with his back to the wall. ) ( The door slides open. The camera pans up from a pair of black boots to reveal the Swede. He has removed his coat. A silver charm of Thor's hammer hangs from his pocket watch chain. He smiles as he surveys the pig car. He pulls a crate across the room and sits down. The crate CREAKS under his weight. The Swede looks at Bohannon for a moment before carefully beginning to eat. ) Swede: I used to be a bookkeeper. Bohannon: You look like a bookkeeper. Swede: Hmm. I was always more comfortable around numbers than people. I could control numbers. Bohannon: The war put a stop to that, didn't it? ( The Swede chews for a moment and looks at Bohannon. ) Bohannon: You're suffering from the Soldier's Heart, Mr. Swede. Yeah, I can see it in your eyes. You're still fighting them battles. Swede: I saw no battles. I was a quartermaster. More numbers. I never even saw the enemy 'til our supply train was captured and I become prisoner of war. Bohannon: Andersonville? Swede: ( nods ) That's right. Way down in the great state of Georgia. Total chaos ruled. Thirty thousand prisoners, fourteen thousand dead. I weighed two hundred pounds when I went it, and eighty-six when I come out. I just couldn't make them numbers add up. ( He pulls up left sleeve to reveal a large red scar ) Swede: I awoke one night to find one of my own men trying to eat the flesh from my arm. He thought I was dead. But I realized that night I had to control people like I control numbers and I learned to practice a sort of immoral mathematics. And I did some... ( whispers ) horrible...not so good things in Andersonville, Mr. Bohannon. Ja? In the end, I found I was able to make them numbers add up. ( He finishes eating and rests spoon against bowl rim. ) Swede: ( brighter ) So, have you thought about that confession? Bohannon: I figured by your math you're gonna hang me either way. Swede: Ja. ( The Swede slowly rises and turns to go. ) Bohannon: You know why the man didn't finish eating your sorry ass? ( The Swede turns around and steps closer to Bohannon. ) Swede: Hmm? Bohannon: 'Cause you Yankees all taste like sh1t. ( Bohannon suddenly kicks out and knocks the bowl and spoon from the Swede's hands. The Swede shouts in anger. Bohannon prepares himself for retribution but the Swede gets hold of himself. ) Swede: ( calmly ) Get right with your Maker, Mr. Bohannon. Soon as we cut down the horse thief, you gonna hang. ( The Swede exits and shuts and locks the door. He stares down Bohannon between the slats of the car before leaving. Bohannon waits a moment before he moves towards the spoon and bowl the Swede left behind. They are beyond the reach of his hands. He kicks the bowl away and drags the spoon towards him with his foot. The spoon gets caught between two floorboards. He strains but can't get it free. He scissors it between his feet and lifts it from the crevice. Grabbing it from his feet, he quickly brushes away the straw from the nail. Using the spoon as a lever, he starts pry it up. He chuckles to himself as it pulls slowly from the wood. He holds the nail in his hands, looking at it. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Pig Car - Same Day ] ( The Swede cuts down the horse thief from the gallows with the help of Dix. Bohannon pulls out another nail and then another. He stands and pulls at his chains. After a moment, the board comes free. Bohannon looks out of the train car and sees the Swede approaching. Using the board he's pried loose, Bohannon levers another board free. He pulls another loose with his hands. ) ( The Swede is unlocking the door. ) ( Bohannon slips through the hole in the floor. He reaches up and feels around for his hat for a moment before grabbing it. ) ( The Swede pulls open the door and sees that Bohannon has escaped. He looks through the hole in the floor. He is distraught. ) ( Bohannon crouches under the train platform. He loops the chain around his wrists and hides his still manacled hands in his hat. Bohannon slips through camp. ) ( The Swede has Bolan and Dix with him and they search around the platform looking for Bohannon but he has already moved on. ) ( Bohannon blends in with a group of workers. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Nebraska Territory-Same Day ] ( Durant's party and the Reporter and his party are on their way back to Hell on Wheels. Durant's men ride on horseback, one leading Durant's white horse along. ) Durant (O.C.): Write this down: outnumbered five to one, eight white Christian souls were brutally slaughtered by the marauding, bloodthirsty war party of merciless savages. ( The camera pans over the wagon of dead bodies as they rattle on the journey back to Hell on Wheels. Durant rides in a second wagon with the reporter. ) Reporter: Outnumbered five-to-one? Durant: Make it ten-to-one. ( The Reporter hesitates before writing. ) Durant: Amongst the murdered were Robert Bell, ( swats a bug ) visionary surveyor the Union Pacific Railroad. His beautiful wife, Lily, the Fair-Haired Maiden of the West, was sullied by the savage pack, then carried off into slavery in their filthy camp. Reporter: What does sullied mean again? Durant: It will mean whatever the reader wants it to mean. My road will bring civilization to these untamed western lands. And the Fair-Haired Maiden of the West represents nothing less than civilization itself. Reporter: You see this as sort of rallying cry? Durant: Yes, now you're getting it. Reporter: Save her at all costs. Durant: Save her, yes but I want national troops brought in to clear every last savage from the path of my road. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Pawnee Killer's camp - Same Day ] ( Lily awakes, leaning against the same log she hid behind when the war party arrived. She sits up and winces in pain. Crouching, she peers over the log and sees the campfire abandoned. She stumbles up to the ashes of the campfire and kneels beside them. It is still smoldering. ) ( Lily unbuttons her dress and examines the wound in her left shoulder. It is still bloody and very deep. She pulls at the boning in her corset. She struggles but pulls a piece free. She breaks it into a smaller piece and bites down on the end. She tugs at the hem of her skirt until she comes away with a long strand of thread. ) ( Lily wraps the thread around the makeshift needle she had made from the boning. She takes a moment, breathing deeply and looking at the sky, preparing herself for what she must do. She pushes the needle through the skin around her wound. She cries out, biting down on the bandage on her hand to stifle the sound. She makes several passes of the needle before she is done. She closes her eyes, her lashes wet with tears and falls backwards onto the grass, unconscious from the pain. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Hell on Wheels - Same Day ] ( Men and women walk the muddy roads. The Swede and Dix are still searching for Bohannon. ) ( Bohannon, seeing the Swede draw closer, ducks into the church tent. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. The Church Tent ] ( Bohannon stumbles backwards into the tent, kicking the flap closed. ) Cole (O.C.): Welcome, brother. ( Bohannon turns at the sound of REVEREND COLE's voice, startled. Cole looks over Bohannon's chains. ) Cole: You must be that fellow they're-they're looking to hang. ( Cole picks up the chains that manacle Bohannon and holds them in his hands. ) Cole: You know St. Peter himself was chained like this and condemned to die? And he was freed by an angel. ( Bohannon looks Cole up and down before wresting the chains back from the Reverend. His look is skiddish. ) Bohannon: I ain't no Saint Peter, sir. Cole: Yeah, and I'm no angel. ( Bohannon moves to the tent flap and peers out. ) ( The Swede is just outside but he hasn't seen Bohannon. ) ( Bohannon closes the flap. He is terrified. Cole moves to the flap and steps through. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: EXT. Just outside the Church Tent ] Cole: Peace be with you sir. Swede: ( shakes Cole's hand ) And with you, Reverend, and with you. [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: INT. Church Tent; Bohannon dashes to the altar and picks up a heavy-looking cross. He readies himself to swing. ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: EXT. Outside Church Tent ] Cole: I hear your prisoner escaped. Swede: ( nods ) Ja, we'll find him, it's just a matter of time. Cole: I'll be sure to keep an eye out for him. Swede: Careful he's a dangerous man. [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: INT. Church Tent ] ( Bohannon is surprised but still stands ready to swing. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: EXT. Outside the Church Tent ] ( The Swede walks away, followed by Dix. Cole re-enters the tent. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: INT. Church Tent ] Cole: Brother, we need to talk. Bohannon: I thought you were going to turn me in. Cole: No, the Lord instructs me to give sanctuary, even to the condemned. Bohannon: Yeah? What he say about ( holds up his arms ) cutting off a pair of cuffs? ( Cole takes the cross from Bohannon. ) Cole: You're on your own there. ( Bohannon shrugs and looks away. Cole reaches out towards Bohannon, who recoils slightly. ) Cole: You know, you best set things in your heart before you go a-swinging, son. Bohannon: They ain't gonna hang me. Cole: ( chuckles ) Nevertheless, one day your name will be called and on that day, you must answer. ( Bohannon sighs and bends to pick up his hat. He taps on a chair to get rid of the dust. ) Bohannon: I know it. Cole: And what are you going to say? Bohannon: I did the best that I could in a bad time. Cole: Now see, I understand that. Better than you know. But it won't be good enough for him. So all you got to do ( gets on his knees ) is get down on your knees. Bohannon: I seen plenty of men get down on their knees and call His name out in terrible time. I seen their prayers answered by a bullet, more often than not. Cole: It's-it's hard to comprehend, son, I know and it's impossible sometimes. But He is here and His mercy knows no bounds. So, just bend them knees and ask for forgiveness. Bohannon: Nah, sir. I won't do it. ( Bohannon walks past Cole to the tent flap. ) Cole: 'Cause the Lord took your faith? Bohannon: 'Cause I don't deserve forgiveness. ( Bohannon steps out of the tent, leaving Cole alone, kneeling on the ground. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Mickey and Sean's Tent - Same Day ] ( Sean goes to a suitcase and pulls out a wad of cash from a secret flap. ) Mickey: Oi! We can't use that. Sean: Ma would understand. Mickey: What about next week? And the week after? This ain't gonna stop. There's nothing we can do about this b*st*rd. Sean: That's what you said in Boston. Mickey: ( through gritted teeth ) I thought you said we never were to speak of that. Sean: ( smiles ) I got us out of that, I'll get us out of this. Mickey: But, how? ( Sean shrugs and smiles again. ) Sean: Don't know yet. We'll figure something. ( shaking money ) One day, we'll send this to Ma ( puts his hand on Mickey's shoulder ) and it will be as thick as a brick. ( Mickey smiles and nods. ) Sean: My hand to God. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT/INT. Freedman's Tent - Same Day ] ( A man stands lookout, peering out the tent flap. Inside, Elam is attempting to break Bohannon's chains with a spike and a hammer. Elam's wrists are wrapped in thick scars. Bohannon winces with each strike of the hammer. He stares at Elam's scars. Elam notices and lifts his wrist. ) Elam: I had some jackrabbit in me too. Master gave me a nice pair of bracelets to sleep in. ( strike ) Somebody put you in chains, natural thing to do is to try to escape. ( strike ) Ain't I right? ( strike ) ( Bohannon doesn't respond. Elam stares back at him. He raises the hammer and it is uncertain if he will strike the spike or Bohannon. ) Elam: Ain't I right. ( Bohannon grits his teeth. ) Bohannon: ( begrudgingly ) Yeah, you're right. ( Elam strikes the chains and they break with a CLATTER. The lookout turns towards Elam. ) Lookout: They coming. Elam: You gonna make a run for it? Bohannon: I ain't leaving. ( He gets up. ) Elam: They'll find you. Bohannon: Not where I'm going. ( Bohannon crawls under the tent wall. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Wilderness - Day ] ( Lily lies in the grass, fading in and out of consciousness. A large bird of prey circles overhead. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: HALLUCINATION - EXT. Survey Site - Day ] ( Robert sits in a field of tall grass, working on a map. He looks up at Lily. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: EXT. Wilderness - Day ] ( Lily gasps. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: HALLUCINATION - EXT. Field - Day ] ( She and Robert stand together in a field of yellow flowers. He holds her by the waist and they press their foreheads together, both smiling. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: EXT. Wilderness - Day ] ( Lily reaches out to her hallucination. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: HALLUCINATION - EXT. Field - Day ] ( Robert looks straight at Lily/camera before fading away, leaving behind the field of yellow flowers undulating in the wind. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: Wilderness - Day ] ( Lily looks up into the sky and sees three birds circling. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO:EXT. Further upriver ] ( Pawnee Killer and his men ride along the river. He stops at the SOUND of the birds and motions for his men to stop. They do. Pawnee Killer turns to see the birds circling over a stand of trees. He cries out and wheels his horse around towards the trees. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: Stand of trees ] ( Lily, now sitting upright. Hears the men TALKING. She grabs the maps, gets to her feet, and hurries away. The men are getting closer. She looks back towards the trees. She doesn't see Joseph until he grabs her, covering her mouth. She tries to scream but her cries are muffled in his hand. She struggles against him but he holds her fast. ) ( Pawnee Killer's party look through the trees but do not spot Joseph or Lily. ) ( Lily sees the men and stops struggling. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Just outside Hell on Wheels - Same Day ] ( Durant and the Reporter have returned. The Swede rides up on a brown horse to meet them. He wheels his horse around and rides alongside Durant. He looks over the bodies in the buckboard. ) Swede: So it's true. ( Durant makes a sound in the affirmative. ) Swede: ( skeptical ) Everyone? Durant: Everyone but the woman. Swede: Them Injuns get her? Durant: I don't know. Get the word out, one hundred dollars reward for anyone who finds her. But, uh ( looks over his shoulder ) not a word about the maps. Swede: Yeah. ( The Swede looks over his shoulder as well. ) ( The wagon train arrives at Durant's car. He dismounts from his horse straight onto the platform of his car. One of his men take the horse away and Swede rides off. Durant takes off his gloves and enters his car. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: INT. Durant's car ] ( Durant takes off his hat and set his hat and gloves on his desk. Bohannon stands just behind the door of the car. Durant turns, confused but not startled to see him standing there. ) Bohannon: ( nods ) Mr. Durant. Durant: ( still confused ) Who the hell are you? Bohannon: Cullen Bohannon. ( holds up shackles ) The man they're looking to hang. Durant: For killing Johnson. ( nods ) I suppose you're here to tell me you're innocent. Bohannon: ( shakes head ) Nah, sir. ( beat ) I'm here to ask for his job. ( Durant's face shifts from confusion to shock. ) Durant: How do you put your trousers on, son? ( Now Bohannon is confused. ) Bohannon: Sir? Durant: Over those big balls of yours. ( Durant narrows his eyes. Bohannon smirks, mildly amused. He walks to the window and peers out behind the shade. He turns back to Durant, holding his hand up. He locks the door with the other hand, with an audible CLICK. ) Bohannon: Two minutes that's all I ask. ( Durant waits for a beat before going to his desk. He pulls out a small six-shot pistol and sets it on an open ledger. Bohannon works his jaw, unsure of what is to happen next. Durant opens and looks at his pocket watch. ) Durant: Two minutes. ( He sets the watch next to the gun. He sits behind his desk. Bohannon gestures to the gun with his hat. ) Bohannon: You fight in the war, Mr. Durant? Durant: I served my country in other ways. Bohannon: Well, building this railroad ain't much different from a war. You got an army out there and they need a leader. Durant: I take you fought for the South, ( drawls ) Mr. Bohannon. Bohannon: ( smirks ) Yes, sir. ( nods ) And that's exactly why you need to hire me. Durant: ( confused ) You're going to have to explain that to me. Bohannon: Can't remember a time I wasn't outgunned, outmanned, or outsupplied fighting you Yankees, ( steps forward ) but I damn sure whooped your asses more often than not. Durant: ( raises eyebrows ) Is that so? Bohannon: Yes, sir. My men rode to Hell and back for me, Mr. Durant. That's why you need me out here. Durant: What do you know about railroads? Bohannon: Well, I had to know how they was built so I could know could figure out best how to blow them up. You remember the Baltimore and Ohio Bridge over the Monocacy River? Durant: I built that bridge before the war. Bohannon: ( chuckles ) Well, I blew the whole thing up using half a keg of blackpowder. ( Durant is clearly irritated and Bohannon tries a different tack. ) Bohannon: But I'm done destroying things, Mr. Durant. I want to help you build this railroad Durant: Why should I trust my railroad to a Grayback? ( Bohannon is more than a little irritated and frowns. ) Bohannon: You didn't have too much trouble trusting Graybacks when you was smuggling cotton out of Mississippi during the war, now did you? ( Durant is incensed someone knows his secret. ) Durant: You walk a fine line, son. Bohannon: Forty miles, Mr. Durant. Ain't no secret you got to lay forty miles of usable track before your government money kicks in. Now, you and I both know that you ain't going to get there going at this rate. You don't get that $16,000 a mile, ( gestures to ceiling of car ) this whole thing goes belly up. ( beat ) You're fighting a war, Mr. Durant. No doubt about it. You need me to help you win it. ( Bohannon and Durant regard each other for a moment. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: EXT. Outside Durant's car ] ( The Swede and his men are still searching for Bohannon. Bohannon steps out of Durant's car, Durant close behind. The Swede sees Bohannon and does a double take. He runs toward Bohannon. ) Swede: Son of a bitch. ( He cocks back the hammers on Beauty. Bohannon stops. ) Durant: What the hell are you doing man? Swede: ( almost gleeful ) That's the son of the bitch who killed Johnson. We gonna hang him. ( A few of the Freedmen stand on the other side of the tracks watching. Elam is among them. ) Durant: Nonsense. ( gestures to Bohannon ) This man is my new foreman. ( The Swede looks up Durant, very confused. ) Durant: Find me someone else to hang. ( Durant returns to his car. Bohannon stares down the Swede and walks towards him. The Swede keeps his gun up and pointed at Bohannon. Bohannon walks away. He passes Elam and taps the brim of his hat in salute. Elam nods to him, smiling. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Hell on Wheels - That evening ] ( Bohannon walks towards the railroad office tent. Durant's man stands outside the tent. He looks Bohannon up and down. ) Durant's man: You're the new foreman? Bohannon: Yeah. ( The Swede stands nearby, though Bohannon does not notice him. ) Bohannon: ( nods towards tent ) Is Johnson's things still in there? Durant's man: Yeah. You want me to clear it out? Bohannon: Leave it. ( Bohannon walks into the tent. Durant's man tips his hat to Bohannon and walks away. ) Durant's man: Yes, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] [ CUT TO: INT. Railroad office tent ] ( Bohannon takes off his hat as he ducks into the tent. He removes his coat, throwing it on the bed. Bohannon removes his Griswold from the holster on his belt. He sits in a chair and spins the cylinder of the gun, checking the chambers. He holsters the weapon and sighs. He looks around his new surroundings and spies a piece of fabric hanging out of his coat pocket. He pulls it out. It is the cross-stitch his wife had been working on in the flashback, though it has faded some. He runs his fingers over the stitches before bringing it to his nose and sniffing it. He closes his eyes. )

Cullen fights for his life as he answers to the Swede ( Christopher Heyerdahl ) for his deadly actions. Lily struggles to survive in the wilderness, as Durant attempts to spin tragedy for political gain. Durant offers a $100 ransom for saving Lily from the Indians, assuming and announcing that she was held captive by the attackers. Joseph tracks down the Cheyenne braves responsible for a massacre - one of whom is his own brother Pawnee Killer ( Gerald Auger ) - then he finds Lily and keeps her safe from the Indian warriors. Cullen escapes the captivity of the Swede and goes to Durant's office, where he asks for Johnson's job as the foreman. Durant gradually accepts, despite Cullen's having fought for the South during the Civil War.

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Teleplay by: Peter Tibbals Story by: Judd Rubin [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Chandler and Monica's] Chandler: Hey! Monica: Good morning, Tiger! I'm making you a nice big breakfast so you can keep up your strength for tonight. You're gonna get me good and pregnant. Chandler: I've got nowhere to go this morning. I'm unemployed! I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life. Monica: Well, I just lost my erection. Chandler: I mean, what am I supposed to do with myself? Monica: You're supposed to find your passion in life. You can be whatever you wanna be now. It's exciting. Chandler: But it's all so overwhelming. I don't know where to start. Monica: Hey, wait a second. I can help you with this. You just need to be organized. We can make a list of your qualifications, and categorize jobs by industry. There could be folders and files! Chandler: Hey! This is where your hyper-organized-pain-in-the-ass stuff pays off! Monica: I know!!! My erection is back! Opening Titles [Scene: Central Perk] Joey: (To Gunther who comes over with coffee and a muffin) Thank you! Phoebe: Joey, can I have a sip of your coffee and a bite of your muffin? Joey: Okay. Phoebe Thank you. (Pours his coffee in a thermos and puts his muffin in her purse.) Thank you! Joey:: Pheebs, have you ever been bitten by a hungry Italian? Phoebe: I'm sorry, it's just, I'm a little short on cash. Joey: If you want I could loan you some money? Phoebe: Oh no, no, no. I learned never to borrow money from friends. No, that's why Richard Dreyfuss and I don't speak anymore. Joey: Oh, hey, how about this? Wanna be an extra on my show? Phoebe: You could do that? Joey: Yeah, yeah. The pay is pretty good and you could do it for as long as you need. Phoebe: Oh my god, I'm gonna be on TV! Joey: Okay, now. I gotta tell you, being on TV isn't as glamorous and exciting as you think. Phoebe: Oh, really? Joey: No it is awesome! (Rachel and Ross enter with Emma) Ross: Hi guys. All: (Adlib hellos) Phoebe: Wow! Hey, why are you all dressed up? Ross: Rachel and I are bringing Emma to Ralph Lauren today to introduce her to everyone. Doesn't she look cute? Joey: She sure does. Why does she have a pink bow taped to her head? Rachel: Well, because if one more person says "what a cute little boy" I'm gonna whip them with a car antenna! Ross: I think she's gonna be the hit of the office, huh? She's gonna be hotter than peasant blouses and A-line skirts. Can I get a blue bow? [Scene: Chandler and Monica's] Monica: (Flipping through bunch of folders as Chandler enters from bathroom) Okay, I have looked through a bunch of career guides, photocopied and highlighted key passages and put them into alphabetical folders so you can make an informed decision. Chandler: How long was I in there? Monica: Okay. Let us start with the A's. Advertising. Chandler: Wait. Advertising! That's a great idea! Monica: Don't you want to look through the rest? Chandler: I don't think I have to hear the rest. Advertising makes perfect sense. Sorry you had to waste all this time, though. Monica: You call eight hours alone with my label maker wasted time? Ooh, now I get to use my shredder! Chandler: I mean, I can write slogans. I mean, how hard can it be, right? "Cheese. It's milk that you chew." "Crackers. Because your cheese needs a buddy." "A grape. Because who can get a water melon in your mouth?" Monica: I got one. "Socks. Because your family's feet deserve the best." Chandler: Honey? Leave it to the pros. Monica: I actually know someone in advertising. I grew up with this guy who is a vice president at a big agency. Maybe I can get him to meet you? Give me the phone. Chandler: "The phone. Bringing you closer to people...who have phones." Monica: "Marriage. It's not for everybody." [Scene: Ralph Lauren] Rachel: That went well. Almost everybody knew that she was a girl. Ross: Yeah, after you punched that one guy who got it wrong, word spread. Rachel: I'm just gonna go in my office and pick up some stuff . (To the guy behind her desk) Who the hell are you!? Guy: Who the hell are you? Rachel: I'm the hell person whose office this is! Ross: Good one, Rach. Guy: I'm Gavin Mitchell, the person who's taken over your job. Rachel: Excuse me? Gavin: Oh, your baby's so cute. Why did you put a pink bow on a boy? [Scene: DOOL set] Phoebe: Joey, look at me! I'm a nurse! Joey: Yes you are. I think it may be time for my sponge bath. Sorry, I'm just so used to hitting on the extras. So, are you excited about your scene? Phoebe: Yeah! But I'm a little shaky and nervous. Joey: Oh, relax. Don't be. You'll be fine, you'll be fine. They'll probably just make you stand in the back. Director: Okay, okay, okay! (To Phoebe) You. Here, come here, here. You're gonna take this tray, you're gonna stay on this yellow mark. You're gonna move on "action!" You're gonna walk over to the operating table. You're gonna stop on that blue mark, you're gonna put the tray down. Don't walk too fast! But don't doddle. Phoebe: Okay, now. What? Director: And...Action!! (Phoebe starts walking toward the operating table. Her hands are shaking like crazy, causing the tray to rattle.) Director: Cut! Cut! Phoebe: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm just a little nervous. Director: Well, don't be. Phoebe: Okay, that helps. Director: And...Action! (Phoebe starts walking towards the table again. She's even more shaky than before and almost drops the tray.) Director: Cut! Joey: Hey, you know what? Don't worry, Pheebs! It usually takes me three takes too! (Off the director's look) Alright, eight. Director: And...Action! (Ok, here we go again. Phoebe starts walking toward the operating table, but stops every time the tray starts to rattle. She eventually drops it on the floor, but finishes the scene anyway by putting the now non-existent tray on the table.) [Scene: Central Perk] Interviewer: So, do you have any other question about advertising? Chandler: No, no. But let me show you what I can do. "Bagels and donuts. Round food for every mood." Interviewer: Monica warned me you might do that. I actually think we might have something for you at the agency. Chandler: Really? That's great! Interviewer: It's an unpaid internship. Chandler: It's funny. When you said "unpaid" it sounded like you said "unpaid." Interviewer: Come on now. Monica has a good job. And it's not like you have a family to support. Chandler: Actually, we're trying, and I don't think Monica's gonna wanna postpone it. We're supposed to have s*x tonight. Actually, she's probably at home naked right now. I tend to keep talking until somebody stops me. I can just picture her on the bed right now. Interviewer: Stop! Interviewer: Okay. [Scene: Ralph Lauren] Rachel: Wait a minute! What do you mean, you're taking over my job? Gavin: Well, while you were on your baby vacation I was doing your job. Rachel: A vacation? My idea of a vacation does not involve something sucking on my nipples until they are raw. Gavin: Clearly you've never been to Sandles Paradise Island. Rachel: Alright! Don't get too comfortable there, because I'm back in two weeks! And I want everything back to the way it was. I can't say that I care too much for the way you've rearranged my office. Gavin: I can't say I care too much for that smell you've brought in with you. Rachel: Excuse me? Ross: Rach we have a code brown situation. Rachel: Can you please, please take care of it for me? Ross: Alright, but you have to do one sometime. Rachel: Let me just get this straight! So I go have a baby and they send some guy in to do my job? Gavin: Well, there was talk of shutting down Ralph Lauren all together. Rachel: That's right. You're very cheeky for a temp. Gavin: I'm not a temp. I was transferred here from another department. Rachel: Oh yeah, what department was that? The Jerk department? Gavin: Oh, they didn't tell me about your quick wit. Rachel: Did they mention that I'm rubber and you're glue? Mr. Zelner: (Enters) Gavin, Ralph loved your ideas. Rachel: Oh, hi Mr. Zelner. Mr. Zelner: Rachel, I see you've met Gavin. I must say, when you left us we weren't sure what we were gonna do. But then, Gavin to the rescue. Super Gavin! Rachel: That's great. So now, Super Gavin, when I come back where are you planning on flying off to? Gavin: Well, that's up to Mr. Zelner. I'm sure he will make the right decision. Rachel: (To herself) Oh, wow. Super ass-kissing power. Mr. Zelner: Incidentally, when are you coming back? Rachel: Today. Gavin: You said two weeks. Rachel: No, I said today! See, for a superhero, not so much with the listening. [Scene: DOOL set] Joey: Hey. Phoebe: Hey. So, what did he say? Joey: Well, he can be a little rough around the edges, so I'm gonna replace a word he used a lot, with the word "puppy." Okay, so he said: "If your puppy friend doesn't get her puppy act together, I'm gonna fire her mother-puppy ass." Phoebe: I'm sorry, I can't do this. I'm not an actor. Joey: That's right, you're not. You're a nurse. You're Nurse With Tray. Phoebe: Joey. Joey: No, no. Nurse With Tray doesn't know Joey, she doesn't have time for friends. She gets in that operating room and she carries that tray to the doctor, because if she doesn't, people die! Phoebe: Who dies? Joey: (Points to man on operating table) Man With Eye Patch! You get in there and you do your job. Phoebe: Yes, doctor. Joey: Okay. Director: Okay, let's try this one more time. Phoebe: Hang in there, Man With Eye Patch, your tray is coming! Director: And...Action! Phoebe: (Does the scene) Yes, I did it!!! I nailed it!!! Yay! What's next? Director: The rest of the scene. Phoebe: Okay, from the top, people! [Scene: Ralph Lauren] Rachel: Listen. Sudden change of plans. My maternity leave just ended. They told me that if I didn't come back today, they were gonna fire me. Ross: What? No, that's illegal. I'm gonna have the labor department down her so fast they won't even... Rachel: Alright, alright. Calm down Norma Rae. They didn't actually say that. I'm just afraid if I don't come back right now this guy's gonna try to squeeze me out. Ross: What about Emma? We don't have a nanny. Rachel: I know. You know, we're just gonna have to figure out a plan tonight. Can you please just take care of her for today? Ross: Absolutely. Just give me your breast and we'll be on our way. Rachel: Come on, I don't know what else to do. Ross: Fine, fine. (To Emma) We'll have fun, won't we? Yes, we will, yes we will. (Gives her a kiss, and the pink bow tapes itself to his head.) Rachel: Ross? Ross: Huh? Rachel: You're pretty. [Scene: Chandler and Monica's] Chandler: Whatever I decide to do, I'm gonna be starting a career from scratch. It's gonna be a while before I make a living at it. Maybe now is not the right time to be starting a family. Ross: So you have to tell Monica you don't want to have a baby right now? Chandler: Yeah. Ross: (Hugs Chandler) Good-bye. Monica: (Enters) Okay, it's baby time. Pants off Bing. (Sees Ross) Didn't see you there Geller. Chandler: Yeah, Ross is here so... Ross: Yeah, and I was really hoping that I could hang out. What do you feel like doing? Monica: We're gonna have s*x. Ross: I don't feel like having s*x. Maybe we can watch a movie or something. Monica: Let me put it this way. We're having s*x whether you're here or not. Ross: Pants off Bing! [Scene: Ralph Lauren] Rachel: Alright. Now that I'm back, why don't you just fill me in on what you've been up to? Gavin: Well, I've changed your screensaver from that picture of *Nsync. Rachel: Hey, they were popular when I left! Gavin: Also, I've just been working on this big presentation for tomorrow. Rachel: Well, I should be involved in that, so why don't you get me up to speed? Gavin: That's gonna take weeks. Why don't just let me take care of the presentation? Rachel: Oh, no no no no. I see what you're doing here, alright, listen, this is my job buddy. Okay, I've had it for five years, and I know how it works, so why don't you just catch me up! Gavin: Fine. Rachel: (Sits down in her chair) Oh god. You've totally messed with the back support of my chair. How do you fix this? Gavin: Hey, you've been here five years, you figure it out. Rachel: Fine, I will. (Pushes that button thing on the chair that makes it "collapse") Alright, fill me in! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Chandler and Monica's] Ross: Hey. Chandler: Hey. Ross: You have a blue tie that would go with this? Emma spit up on mine. Chandler: Oh, yeah. But you have to give it back if I get a job. Of course, by that time in the future ties will be obsolete and we'll all be wearing silver jump suits. Monica: (Enters from the bedroom) Hi, good morning lover. I gotta say after last night, I'm a little weak in the knees. Ross: Here's an idea. You walk into a room...take a quick scan! Monica: (To Ross) Sorry. (To Chandler) But I kind of have this feeling that we may have made a baby last night. Chandler: Oh god, I have to tell you something. You're not pregnant. Monica: What are you talking about? Chandler: That thing that I have to do to make a baby. I faked it. Monica: What!? You faked it? Ross: You know what? I don't need a tie. I mean, it's better, open collar. You know, it's more casual (He leaves.) [Scene: DOOL set] Phoebe: Joey, listen. I can't do this, it doesn't make any sense. Yesterday I was a nurse, and today I'm a waitress at a cafe? Joey: Oh, sometimes we use the same extras for different parts. It's okay. Phoebe: Well, it's not okay, because I gave a very memorable performance as the nurse. And now suddenly I'm the waitress? That's gonna confuse my fans. Joey: Maybe you are a nurse, but you moonlight as a waitress. Phoebe: Uhuh. Because I'm a single mother, supporting my two children. Joey: Nice. Phoebe: Wait a minute. Dr. Drake Ramoray and I work at the same hospital. Wouldn't I come over to say hi to him? Joey: No, no. See, you and Drake are having a fight. Phoebe: About what? Joey: He slept with you and then never called you. Phoebe: And I just wanted a new daddy for Davy and Becky. Director: Okay, okay, from the top. And...Action! Man: So, I'm surprised you agreed to have lunch with me. Joey/Drake: I'm surprised to, but yet here I am. (Phoebe walks by and slaps him.) Director: Cut, cut! What are you doing!? Phoebe: Yeah, well, I'm very angry at him, because he slept with me and never called me back. Extra: Me too! Another extra: Me too! Joey: Oh, calm down! She means on the show! We need some new extras around here! [Scene: Chandler and Monica's] Gavin: (Enters) Wow, you're here already. Rachel: Yes. Emma and I came in a little early to do research on the presentation. I actually made a few changes, but I think I'm caught up on everything. So ask me anything! Gavin: How do you fix the chair. Rachel: Except that! (Mr. Zelner enters) Oh, hello, Mr. Zelner. We're all ready for our presentation this afternoon. Mr. Zelner: Good, because it's in ten minutes. Rachel: What? I can't do that! I have the baby, and Ross is not gonna pick her up for another hour. Mr. Zelner: Well, then Gavin can give the presentation, okay, we have to do it now. Ralph needs to leave early today. He's going helicopter shopping. Rachel: Well, there you go. You win, you win. You get to do the presentation, you'll knock 'em dead, no one will ever remember that I worked here, and then Ralph will buy his helicopter, and Super Gavin will just fly right along side of him! Gavin: You can do the presentation. Rachel: No, I can't, I have a baby. Gavin: I'll watch her. Rachel: Why would you do that? Gavin: Because you've worked really hard, and it's your job, and you're a little crazy. Rachel: That's really nice. Gavin: I should tell you that crying women make me very uncomfortable. Rachel: Then you're not gonna like what's coming. (Starts crying) I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Thank you, thank you. Gavin: I'm really fine, don't worry, I'm great with children. (To Emma) Gavin Mitchell. Pleased to meet you. [Scene: DOOL set] Joey: Please don't fire my friend. Just let me talk to her. Director: Okay, okay. But this is her last chance. Joey: Thank you, thank you. How about I do something for you? Tomorrow, I'll bring you a hat, cover up the bald? Joey: Hey, listen Pheebs. I was just talking to the director, and he was thinking, maybe this time you don't hit Drake, you just wait on the tables? Phoebe: I can't do that. I'm an actor. I have a process. Joey: You're a masseuse. You have a table with a hole in it. Phoebe: Wait a minute, I see what's happening here. You're threatened. Joey: What? Phoebe: Yeah, I'm so good in this scene that I'm stealing focus from you. Well, rise to the challenge Tribianni 'cause I just raised the bar. Come join me up here! Joey: (To the director) Yeah, you can fire her, but I would call security, she won't go easy. [Scene: Chandler and Monica's] Monica: You faked it? You couldn't have faked it! Chandler: Oh yes you can. You just make the faces and the noises. Monica: Guys can fake it? Unbelievable. The one thing that's ours! Besides, why would you fake it when we're trying to have a baby? Chandler: That's actually why. Look, I'm starting a whole new career now, and I'm not saying that I don't want to have a baby, I'm just saying maybe we could wait a little while. Monica: Like a month? Chandler: Or a year? Monica: Really, you want to wait a year? Chandler: It could be less than a year. I mean, you've heard my stuff. "Pants. Like shorts, but longer." (Pause) It'll probably be more than a year. Monica: I really wanna have a baby. Chandler: Yeah, me too. Look, I'll just get my old job back. Monica: No, I want you to have a job that you love. Not statistical analysis and data reconfiguration. Chandler: I quit and you learn what I do? Monica: It's just, I think, there's never gonna be a right time to have a baby. I mean, now you're unemployed and in a little while you'll find a new job that'll keep you really busy. There's always gonna be a reason not to do this, but I think once the baby comes, forget about all those reasons. Chandler: I guess. It's always gonna be scary when we have a baby. Monica: It's gonna be really scary. I mean, god. When we have a baby, there's gonna be so much that we're not able to control. I mean, the apartment's gonna be a mess, I won't have time to clean it. What if the baby gets into the ribbon drawer? Messes up all the ribbons?! What if there's no room for a ribbon drawer, because the baby's stuff takes up all the space!? Where will all the ribbons go!?! Chandler: Should we go make a baby right now before you change your mind? Monica: Yes, please! Chandler: Oh, and I promise, I will not fake it this time. Monica: I wish I could say the same. I'm a little shook up! Closing credits [Scene: DOOL set] Joey/Drake: I know you botched that operation on purpose. I can't prove it yet, but when I do, you'll be going to jail for murder. I don't care if you are my brother. Man: I'm not your brother. Phoebe/Waitress: What about my children Drake?! Huh!? (She starts running around on the set with a security guy chasing her) No!! No!! No! God!

Rachel returns from maternity leave early when she fears the temp Ralph Lauren hired as her replacement might have the job permanently. Meanwhile, Phoebe works as an extra on Days of our Lives. Special Guest: Phill Lewis & Dermot Mulroney

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In the gymnasium during tryouts Kendra: Over here Liberty! Pass! (Ms Hatzilakos is watching the girls and jotting down notes when Kendra scores.) Kendra: Yes! Ms. Hatzilakos: Great stuff girls. Bring it in. Alright the final roster will be posted tomorrow. Not everyone made the cut, but today I was really impressed with all your effort. Good stuff everyone. (Everyone starts to leave.) Emma: You ready? Liberty: Yeah. Ms. Hatzilakos: Uh Liberty nice effort out there. Liberty: I was pleased with my stick handling, though my scoring could have been better. Ms. Hatzilakos: You didn't score. Liberty: We'll need to work on that if I'm gonna lead our team to victory. Ms. Hatzilakos: I know how much this means to you, but I'm sorry Liberty you didn't make the cut. Liberty: There must be a mistake. I've never lost anything in my life. Ms. Hatzilakos: Well you haven't lost because I do want you on the team. Liberty: To do what? Ms. Hatzilakos: The role of team manager. This team really needs you. Liberty: The team needs me, then I'm there. Ms. Hatzilakos: Great. In the hallway, the roster has been posted Manny: Awesome I made it. Kendra: Great. Now for the initiation. Manny: Initiation? (Kendra and Emma start spraying Manny with silly string when Liberty walks over.) Liberty: Congratulations one and all. Emma: Thanks. Sorry you didn't make the team. Manny: But you're manager. That's good. Liberty: That's great and believe me I'm gonna keep you girls in line. In history class Teacher: The outline for your essay is strong and thought-provoking. Liberty: Napoleon was fascinating. I only hope my essay does him justice. Teacher: I'm sure it will. You always accomplish what you set out to do. Liberty: Not always, but thank you sir. In a classroom Terri: A strong fate line means you know what you want to do. Hazel: But my lifeline's so faint. Terri: Your quest for meaning will be an eternal one. Ashley: Didn't you learn anything last year about playing with dark magic? Paige: Wow. Déjà vu. Freaky occult and Ash freaking out. Ashley: You have to have a little respect. Paige: And I have to have a little fun, so Ter, read the palm. (Terri starts looking at Paige's palm and stops suddenly.) Paige: What's it say mystic oracle? Terri: It's, it's great. Your palm's perfect. Paige: Um hon. I was kind of looking for a reading. Mr. Armstrong: Morning class. Let's open our textbooks to chapter 12, polynomials. Paige: What do you see Terri? Mr. Armstrong: I see Paige Michalchuk in detention after school. Outside the school Hazel: Ter! You've been avoiding me all day. Terri: Not you. Paige. Hazel: Why? Terri: Your fate line was really faint. Paige's lifeline doesn't exist. Hazel: Her days are numbered? Paige: Whose days are numbered? Either you tell me what you saw in my palm or my nails get up close and personal with your face. Terri: Okay your palm...no lifeline. You're gonna die. In the locker room Liberty is doing the team's laundry (She has a daydream about her leading the team to victory and everyone is cheering for her.) Mr. Armstrong: So Liberty, how do you like being team manager? Liberty: Great. I love it. How come the girls get to wear these ratty things and the boys get uniforms? Mr. Armstrong: That's because we didn't budget for a girls floor hockey team. We didn't think there would so much interest. Liberty: You do know boys teams get 80% of the athletics budget. Mr. Armstrong: That's because there's more boys teams. Money is tight for all teams these days. Liberty: There must be a way around it. What about fundraisers or sponsorships? Mr. Armstrong: Sure. That takes a lot of work. Liberty: Mr. Armstrong, work's my forte and I know exactly where to start. Outside Joey's house Liberty: Plus you can write the sponsorship off as a tax credit. Joey: Yes I know, but the boys have already asked me to sponsor their basketball team. Liberty: They don't need your help Mr. Jeremiah. We do! Joey: But the Panther's have done awesome all year. Liberty: Yes and we can too if we get the same full support. Look, say your daughter was on our team. Would you want her wearing this? We need this Mr. Jeremiah. (She shows him the uniform the girls have to wear.) Joey: Okay look. I can't sponsor both teams, but I'll think about it okay? -In the gymnasium- Liberty: Our New Jersey design. Manny: Wow. That's awesome Liberty. Emma: Yeah. That's really good. Liberty: Thanks. We do have to convince Mr. Jeremiah to sponsor us and not boys basketball, but a minor detail. Emma: Yeah like the boys need funding. Ms. Hatzilakos: I know girls you're excited about this, but even with sponsorship we're not gonna win anything unless we practice, okay? So take your positions. We're gonna do passing drills. (The girls get ready to practice.) Ms. Hatzilakos: Oh and can you clean the pinnies? They need washing. Liberty: I just washed them the other day. Ms. Hatzilakos: I know. They're dirty again. Okay girls come on! Can we focus please! In the media immersion lab, Hazel and Paige are on the computer Hazel: Here. In palmistry no one indicator by itself is conclusive. Paige: Okay. Hazel: Which hand did she read? Paige: Um my left. Hazel: And you're right handed. Paige: And your point is? Hazel: You're supposed to read someone's dominant hand. The one you use. Paige: Hey! I do have a lifeline. Terri: Here Paige. To express my grief. (Terri hands Paige flowers.) Paige: Um thanks. Terri: Anything I can do for you in your time of need, let me know. Anything. Hazel: So when are you gonna tell her? Paige: About my miraculous recovery from the brink of death? Hmm I don't know. Outside the school Emma: Liberty we just wanted to say that we really appreciate what you tried to do. Liberty: Thanks, but Ms. H put me in my rightful place, the laundry room. Jimmy: Van Zandt, what's up with trying to steal our sponsorship? Spinner: Yeah. Who cares about girls sports? Except of course mud wrestling. Jimmy: Look you girls are crazy. Jeremiah's gonna back us because we're a winning team. Liberty: You really think you're better than us? Spinner: Uh welcome to the conversation. Yeah. Liberty: Then prove it. Floor hockey. Girls versus boys. Manny: Uh Liberty. Jimmy: Okay. Say um winner gets the sponsorship? Liberty: And loser does the other team's laundry for a week. Spinner: Awesome. I sweat like a pig. Outside the school Ms. Hatzilakos: So whose idea was this again? (The girls look at Liberty.) Ms. Hatzilakos: Well I'm not coaching you guys so you can get into a grudge match with the boys over bragging rights. Liberty: It's not about bragging right. It's about a sponsorship. Ms. Hatzilakos: Well why gamble for it? Let Mr. Jeremiah decide. Liberty: He can't so we have to do this. Ms. Hatzilakos: Look I know this is very important for you, but between school and preparing you girls for the actual competition, I can't help you with this. I'm sorry. Liberty: But we need a supervisor. Ms. Hatzilakos: Yes. Yes you do. Manny: Great. Now who's gonna coach us? Liberty: I will and I'll lead us to victory like Napoleon in the battle of Leipzig. In a classroom, Liberty tosses a huge book on the table Emma: 100 Days To Glory? Liberty: Our strategy. It outlines what we have to do to win the regionals. Manny: Yoga. Meditation...and no junk food? Liberty: To achieve perfection, one must envision perfection. Envision, achieve, win. A simple formula. In the gymnasium, the girls are complaining about Liberty's rules (Liberty walks in wearing an outfit like Napoleon's and they all stop talking.) Liberty: Napoleon said if you want authority you must dress the part. I look regal, commanding- Kendra: Stupid. (The girls laugh and Liberty blows her whistle.) Liberty: Silence! Manny: Liberty I can't practice today. I sort of have my period. Liberty: Manny a true champion doesn't let a silly, little monthly visitor stand between her and victory. (Liberty hands Manny a tampon.) Liberty: Now lets get started. Fall in positions! In the hallway Paige: And then I realized I'll never have a driver's license or a senior prom. Ter I am too young to die. Terri: Don't cry. Can I get you anything? Paige: Sure and maybe you could even do my book report for Kwan. With all this stress you brought me how am I supposed to concentrate? Terri: You're right. I'm there. In the gymnasium, Liberty is going over the plays (Spinner and Jimmy are outside the gym watching the girls and laughing.) Liberty: You stay on the left wing allowing the fore-checkers to go deep in the offensive zone. Kendra: What's this play called again? Liberty: The left wing lock. It limits break out space and forces the opposition's defense to carry the puck or bank it up on the boards. Girls this is child's play. (Manny starts giggling.) Liberty: Hey little Ms. Happyface. What's a neutral zone trap, huh? Manny: I don't know. Liberty: Page 16. Did you read it? Maybe you don't know how to read! Manny: Why are you picking on me? Liberty: Because you're the weakest link. In the hallway Liberty: Don't test me Kendra. Kendra: Why not Napoleon? Liberty: If you want to win, you players need to pull together. Kendra: We're not going to win Liberty, not with you barking orders! Liberty: They're not orders. They're plays. Kendra: We don't understand them. They're useless, kind of like you as coach. (Kendra leaves and Liberty sees a boys jock string taped to her locker.) Liberty: Ew! [SCENE_BREAK] In the media immersion room Terri: Finished. Paige: Ter your head. Terri: Oh I get zits when I'm stressed. I just e-mailed your report. I didn't get mine done, but that's okay. I only lose 10%. Paige: Are you sure? Thanks. Hazel: Who said dying wasn't any fun? (Ashley overhears them.) In the hallway Ashley: Hey Terri. What's up? Terri: Trying to figure out when I can get some sleep. Being Terri and Paige is hard work. Ashley: Can I talk to you about that? Terri: What? Ashley: Well let's just say when I tell you, you're gonna want to kill someone who's technically already dying. In the gymnasium Spinner: Some girls team, eh? What are they doing, putting on their makeup? (The girls march in.) Liberty: Closed set. Everybody out. Spinner: Um it's just a hockey game, Liberty. Liberty: No Spinner it's your funeral. Last time, out! (Everyone starts to leave.) Liberty: You, Panther, scoreboard. JT: Ai captain! Liberty: Okay girls remember what Napoleon said. One must know when to leave the skin of a lion to take the skin of a fox (Nobody says anything.) Liberty: So get out there and give it to them, right?! The girls: Right! (Joey blows his whistle to get the teams ready.) Joey: You ready? Ready? Let's go! (They start playing as Liberty watches and JT keeps score.) Outside Degrassi Hazel: We should totally go to that movie tonight seeing as your homework's already done. Paige: And maybe we could even get Terri to pay. (The girls see Ashley and Terri with a Ouija board.) Paige: Ashley on a Ouija board? Ashley: Terri told me the sad news. I thought that we should get a second opinion. Hey Terri wouldn't it work better if Paige was sitting here? Terri: Yes it would. Paige: Do I have to do anything? Terri: No. Just watch and read. Mystic oracle, is it true? (Terri makes the Ouija pointer move to 'yes'.) Paige: Is what true? Terri: That you and Hazel played me for a fool. (Terri makes the Ouija pointer move to 'yes'.) Paige: Wow. I, I really better get going. Terri: You're dead Michalchuk. I'm gonna get you! Get back here! (Terri starts chasing after Paige.) During the game, the score is 4-1 for the boys Liberty: Manny take it in. Take it in! Manny: I can't! Liberty: Take it in now. (Spinner and Manny bump into each other and Manny falls down.) Joey: Hold on guys. Hold on. You okay? Help me get her up guys. Get her up. Get her up. Manny: Ow. Joey: Slowly. Where does it hurt? Jimmy: Are you okay? Manny: It's my wrist. I landed on it. Liberty: She's fine. You're fine, right? Joey: I don't want to take any chances. Manny go see the nurse. Liberty: No! She's going back out on the floor where we need her. Joey: I'm the ref and I'm telling her to go see the nurse. Liberty: After this period. Joey: Get someone else to play. Liberty: Those girls, they're alternates for a reason Joey. No! Kendra: You're being a tyrant. Liberty: I'm doing my job! Emma: Liberty maybe you need to relax. Liberty: And maybe you need to shut up and do what I tell you! All of you! Kendra: Good luck trying to win short two players, Liberty. Joey: Someone make sure Manny goes to the nurses office, please. Liberty: I can't believe you girls. I thought you wanted to win. Emma: Not like this. (The guys start cheering.) Joey: Hey game's not over guys. They can still come out and finish it. In the locker room Liberty: I can't believe you're all quitting. This is a team. Kendra: We're not quitting the team Liberty. We're quitting you. Liberty: That's so unfair. Emma: Coaches are supposed to inspire people. You just bark at us. Kendra: And give us crazy textbooks. 1000 ways to make us miserable. Emma: And the stupid cape. Kendra: Plus that whole thing with Manny. Liberty: Alright I get the point. Look you're a great team. Be mad at me, but don't let those guys win. Kendra your slap shot is dead-on. Emma you're a good offensive captain. Focus on getting Kendra to the net, let her do the scoring and it's your game. Kendra: She does have a point. We can't let those jerks get the jerseys. Emma: Let's get 'em! (They cheer and head for the gym.) Emma: Liberty we've got it covered, okay? Liberty: Alright. Well go get 'em. (Everyone leaves except for Liberty.) Liberty: I'm the weakest link. Outside the gym Ms. Hatzilakos: Hey Liberty. (Liberty doesn't say anything.) Ms. Haztilakos: The game is still going on. What are you doing out here? Liberty: I ruined everything Ms. H. Ms. Hatzilakos: What are you talking about? Liberty: The girls all hate me. Ms. Hatzilakos: Did you push them too hard? Liberty: I really wanted them to win those jerseys. Ms. Hatzilakos: It's a worthy cause. Liberty: Yeah, but I think I squished out all the fun of playing. Ms. Hatzilakos: You know Liberty it's tough for any coach. Balancing winning with having some fun. Liberty: Yeah and it's so not worth it. In the locker room, Liberty is doing the boys' laundry Emma: Having fun? Liberty: Yeah. So much. Emma: Sorry we didn't win. Liberty: You almost own. Losing by 1 point sucks, but impressive. Emma: Thanks. Liberty: Not impressive enough to get Joey's uniforms of course. Emma: I don't know about that...girls! (The girls all walk in wearing their new uniforms.) Kendra: Mr. Jeremiah said he hadn't seen such a great battle of the sexes since Billie Jean King beat Bobby Riggs. Manny: Whoever they are! Liberty: I don't understand. Emma: Joey's sponsoring both teams. We impressed him that much. Liberty: Wow. You girls look incredible. Kendra: You mean we look incredible. (Kendra hands Liberty a jersey that says 'team manager'.) Emma: Try it on! It's perfect.

Spike tells Emma she's dating her old schoolmate--Emma's teacher, Mr. Simpson. After Spike cancels a girls' night with Emma to be with him, Craig helps Emma and Manny crash the seniors' '80s dance. Meanwhile, Spinner and Jimmy find themselves competing against each other in the break-dancing contest for tickets to a Toronto Maple Leafs game, but do not fare well against the new kid, Marco. Note: This episode marks the first appearance of Adamo Ruggiero as Marco Del Rossi.

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ACT ONE ON THE PLUS SIDE SHE DID LOSE TWO POUNDS Scene 1 - Int. Frasier's Studio at KACL Frasier is seated in his booth. Roz stands beside him, sorting through papers. Frasier: Oh Roz, I managed to get some reservations at San Gennaro tonight. [standing] I thought we'd go celebrate your birthday. Roz: [looking up] Oh, that is so sweet, but I have a date. With that waiter we met at lunch yesterday. Frasier: [disbelieving] You're going out with that guy? Roz: I didn't have enough for a tip. Frasier: Keep in mind the service wasn't that good. [pause] Well, the reservation won't go to waste. I can always take Niles. Roz: Niles? Again? You know, your entire social life consists of going out with your brother. [pause] Don't you think you're getting into kind of a rut? You're still young! You need to go out and get drunk... Frasier walks around her toward the door of the booth. Roz: [cont'd] Wake up in some stranger's bed and not even remember how you got there. Frasier: [opening door] In other words, exchange my life for yours. Roz: Well, do what you want. But you know what? You could shake up your life every once in a while, do something spur of the moment. Once, I finished work on a Friday and hopped a plane to Acapulco, and I didn't pack anything but my toothbrush. Frasier: Oh, yes, yes, I do remember you calling in sick one Monday morning with a mariachi band in the background. Roz: Well, I was sick. Frasier: Mmm-hmmm. [closes door] [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 2 - Int. Frasier's living room at the Elliot Bay Towers Daphne: [opening front door] Oh, Doctor Crane! Niles: Daphne. Niles walks into the apartment to place his coat on the sofa. Daphne closes the door after him. When he turns back toward her, she has turned her back to him. She is wearing a yellow sundress which is unzipped to her lower back. Daphne: Thank God you're here. My zip's stuck. Niles: Oh. Niles walks to her and reaches for the zipper, watching her lower back intently. Niles: Good thing I got here when I did. Daphne: Don't be afraid to grab hold and give it all you've got. Niles: [looking up at the back of her head] Okay. Daphne: Sometimes pulling it down a bit helps. Niles: [looking up again] Okay. [pause] Oh, dear. I've zipped my tie into your dress. It won't come loose. Niles leans down to examine his predicament. Daphne: Oh, let me see! Daphne turns to look, jerking Niles by the tie in the process. Daphne: Oh, I'm sorry! It is stuck, isn't it? Well, maybe some liquid soap from the powder room will loosen it up. Daphne walks to the bathroom, dragging Niles by the tie. He is leaned over, his face very close to her rear - most likely a delightful scenario for him. Just as Daphne has her hand on the knob to the bathroom, Frasier walks in the front door, taking in the scene before him. He stares skeptically for several moments as he closes the door behind him. Frasier: Niles, there's something on your tie. Daphne: [grinning] Doctor Crane was helping me with my dress, and now he's caught. Frasier: Yes, he is. [walks to Daphne, pushing Niles to the side slightly] Allow me. [frees the zipper] Ah, there. All right, there we go. Frasier walks over to hang up her coat, and Daphne walks toward the breakfast table. Daphne: What a relief. I was just about to step right out of this dress and embarrass poor Doctor Crane to death. Niles: Well, we all have to die of something. [gazing longingly] Frasier: Oh Niles, I managed to score some reservations tonight at San Gennaro. You up for a little Italian? Niles: Actually, I'm going out with Maris, so I guess you could say I'm up for a little Episcopalian. [laugh] Frasier: [laughs, walking toward wet bar] Like some sherry? Niles: Yes, thank you. Frasier: So, those counseling session must be going very well. [pouring sherry] Niles: They are! So, tonight, we thought it would be a kick to recreate our very first date. Daphne: [sitting at table] Oh, that's sweet. Martin walks in the front door with Eddie on his leash. Niles: Hey, dad. In fact, that day my car was in the shop, so I'm here to borrow Dad's car just like I did back then. [Frasier hands him his sherry] Just saying that makes me feel so young. "Gee, Dad, can I borrow the car?" Martin: You did that twice on the phone, and I didn't find it cute then. [reaching in pocket, pulling out keys] Here you go. Martin tosses his keys to Niles underhanded. However, they sail right by him and are caught by Frasier, who is standing behind him. Frasier: [handing Niles the keys] I just can't picture Maris in Dad's '82 Impala. Niles: Neither could she, at first. I'll never forget the look of wonder on her face at touching vinyl for the first time. She said it made her feel cheap and dirty, and she liked it. [proud] I was her first bad boy. [sits on couch] Frasier: Uh-huh. Yes, I remember the way you used to carry your inhaler around rolled up in the sleeve of your t-shirt. [gesturing to Daphne at the table and Martin coming out of the kitchen] Oh, how about you two? You guys want to join me for dinner tonight? Martin: Oh sorry, Sherry's cooking me dinner tonight. Daphne: And I have a date with Greg. Frasier: Greg? I don't believe I've met him yet. Martin: I have. He's gorgeous. [stares all around] Well, he is. Daphne: He's certainly the best-looking man I've ever been out with. Of course, he doesn't have a thought in that pretty little head of his. [distantly] Hmmm, this could be the one. Martin: [going to sit in chair] But you know, Frasier, maybe I can have Sherry cook for me some other time. Frasier: No, no. You don't have to put yourself out on my account, Dad. [notices answering machine blinking] Oh Dad, did you happen to check this message? Martin: No, I don't touch that thing. Message: [V.O.] Hi, it's Laura. We're getting an extra day of rehearsal, so I'm coming in tonight instead of tomorrow. American, Flight 11, 10:30. Can't wait. Bye! Frasier: Great news, Laura's in town! Niles: Who's Laura? Frasier: A stranger who called my machine by mistake. END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO Scene 1 - Int. the restaurant - San Gennaro Frasier stands at the maitre 'd's booth in the restaurant, his arm propped against it casually. Frasier: Reservation for Doctor Frasier Crane. Maitre 船: From the radio, yes? Frasier: Yes. Ooh, actually my date canceled, so it'll just be me. Maitre 船: I see, sir. [lowers voice] Table for one. Frasier: There is no need to lower your voice. I'm not ashamed to dine alone. eally, as a man of some celebrity, I can serve as a symbol to others who might otherwise be afraid to do so. I mean, really it's okay, it's actually even preferable to sit and dine alone rather than listen to someone who's too much in love with his own voice prattle on endlessly. Maitre 船: Well, you convinced me, sir. I'll see if your table's ready. The Maitre 'D leaves the room, and Frasier is left alone, looking decidedly less comfortable. Maitre 船: [loudly] Doctor Crane? Your table for one is ready. He holds a menu out for Frasier, who takes it and slinks to his table, which is positioned right in the center of the room. Frasier: Uh, listen, is it possible to move to... to have a table elsewhere? I feel just a bit conspicuous right here. Waiter: I'm very sorry, sir, but they're all reserved. But don't worry, most of our patrons only have eyes for each other. Frasier: Very well. Frasier sits. The waiter begins to fix the place setting, clinking glasses together very loudly. Other diners begin to look at the table. Waiter: I'm so sorry, sir. Frasier: Perfectly all right. Just because I'm alone doesn't mean I'm lonely. Perhaps I could have a glass of your house cabernet. A young boy approaches as Frasier fixes his napkin in his lap. Johnny: Hi. Frasier: Hello. What's your name? Johnny: Johnny. How come nobody's sitting with you? Frasier: Well, that's a bit complicated, Johnny. Johnny: My mom and dad said it's okay if you come sit with us. Frasier: Oh, well, that's a very... very sweet offer, and I know it's hard for a young boy to understand, but really, there's nothing wrong with someone eating by himself. Johnny: You know, one time I was really bad at school and the teacher made me eat lunch all by myself. Frasier: Oh, well that gave you an opportunity to think about your actions, didn't it? Johnny: Nope. I just cried. Frasier: [rolls eyes] Run along, Johnny. Johnny leaves. The waiter approaches. Waiter: Your glass of cabernet, sir. Frasier: Oh, thank you. Waiter: Oh, and I see your candle has gone out. [shouts] Enrico! [claps loudly] Frasier: Please, stop! Tonight, I'd prefer to just... dine in the shadows, thank you. An attractive woman approaches. Woman: Excuse me. Are you here by yourself? Frasier: As a matter of fact I am, yes. Woman: I was hoping you'd say that! Would you mind if I - [gestures at the other chair at the table] Frasier: Oh, good Lord, yes. I've actually been sitting here hoping somebody would- [realization passing over him] make good use of that chair. As the woman takes the chair away... Amanda: AAAHHHH! [jumps up] Of course I'll marry you! The scream has startled Frasier, who spills his cabernet all over his shirt. Ethan: Oh, sorry for the commotion, folks. [notices spilled wine, walks over] Oh, gosh, is that our fault? Listen, let me pay for the dry cleaning! Frasier: Oh, not to worry, not to worry. Maitre 船: Congratulations, you two! Here's to young love! Husband: [standing with his wife] Well, as long as we're all sharing good news, my wife just told me that we're having twins. Ethan: Now that I've already interrupted all of your meals, I'd just like to share my joy with everyone here. [gazes at his fiance] To Amanda, my future bride, I will love you every day of my life, and I hope that, when we die, it's at the exact same moment so that neither of us will have to spend even one second alone again. Everyone applauds, including Frasier, but VERY grudgingly. He looks around, frowns, thinks a bit, and finally stands and walks over to Johnny's table. Frasier: Hi, um, Johnny said I could eat with you. [SCENE_BREAK] LOVE AMONG THE RUINS Scene 2 - Int. Frasier's living room at the Elliot Bay Towers. Frasier walks in the front door of his apartment. Martin and Daphne are sitting at the breakfast table. Martin: Hey, Fras, how was your dinner? Frasier: [walking slowly behind the couch] Not since Quasimodo strolled the streets of medieval Paris have so many people uttered the phrase, "That poor man." Daphne: I'm sure it wasn't as bad as all that. Frasier: Oh? [opens his overcoat to reveal his red shirt and tie] Daphne: Oh, dear. Frasier: [walks to hang up his overcoat] The height of the evening came when the entire staff of waiters delivered the birthday cake that I'd ordered for Roz and neglected to cancel. [pause] They sang to me. [walks over to lean against Martin's chair] Martin: It's not your birthday. Frasier: Staying right with the story as usual, Dad. Anyway, after dinner I took a long stroll, and it suddenly struck me: I'm single. I'd gotten accustomed to thinking of myself as recently divorced, but that was five years ago. I'm forty- three, and I'm alone. Martin: Hey! [stands and walks to kitchen] I have something that'll cheer you up. I brought you some of Sherry's mock apple pie. [comes out] It's called "mock" cause they uses crackers instead of apples. Frasier: Good! [doorbell; Frasier walks to answer door] Nothing spoils an apple pie like apples. [opening door] Oh, Niles. Niles: Frasier! Oh, what happened? Frasier: Well- Niles: No, let me guess. [leans in] Robust color, fruity bouquet. I'd say that's an amusing little merlot. Frasier: Cabernet. [closes door] Niles: [walking past him] Oh. Well, it's still amusing. Daphne: So, did you and Mrs. Crane enjoy recreating your first date? Niles: [standing behind chair at the breakfast table; very excited] Oh yes, my Maris remembered details that I'd forgotten. For example, when I brought her home after the restaurant, we took a stroll around the grounds. Suddenly, Marta appeared on the balcony playing the part of Maris's late father. She was liquored up on Rob Roys and firing Swedish meatballs at me from an antique blunderbuss. Frasier: [glances down at answering machine] Dad, am I the only one in this household who checks this machine? Laura: [V.O.] Hi, Molly. Laura again. Frasier: Again. Laura: [V.O.] Is that Tom on the machine? He sounds nice. Anyway, I just called to remind you I'll have my cello with me. Translation: you might want to clean out your car this time to make room. I know, toujours la grande souer. Anyway, I can't wait to see you guys. I've been on my own way too much lately. See you at 10:30, Flight 11. Love you. Goodbye. [N.B. French, 殿lways the big sister.?/i>] Daphne: Too bad there's no way to call her back. She's gonna be stranded at the airport. Frasier: Oh no, she won't, she'll take a cab. Daphne: You know, that happens a lot. People leaving wrong messages. And after hearing a stranger's voice like that, it always starts me wondering what they must be like. Martin: Oh, you can't really judge what a person's like from the voice. Niles: [looking at Sherry's mock apple pie on the breakfast table] That's true. I was once told that I sound - imagine the impertinence - [enunciating] "UP-TIGHT." Daphne: Well, she sounds to me like a very attractive woman. Intelligent - Niles: She speaks French. Frasier: I always loved the name Laura. Martin: Hey Frasier, you know, that was gonna be your name if you were a girl. Frasier: Really? Martin: Yeah! Your mother always wanted Priscilla, but I never liked the nickname "Prissy." Niles: [cutting a slice] Mmmm, I never much cared for it, either. Frasier smiles at the irony and sits down on his couch. Daphne: You know, Doctor Crane, this Laura sounds like she might just be a perfect match for you. If you left now, you could meet that plane. Frasier: [laugh] Oh, please, Daphne, a couple phone calls and you're fixing us up already. Daphne: But think about it! She plays the cello. You'd like that. [stands and walks toward Frasier] Niles: She appreciates neatness. [following Daphne] Martin: She expresses affection easily. That's good. [receives stares from everyone] Well, pardon me for growing a little, okay? Daphne perches on the arm of the sofa. Martin sits in his chair. Niles stands between them. Niles: She did mention being on her own too much. So we know she's available. Frasier: Oh, sure it's fun to speculate, but, come on, you can't seriously be suggesting- Daphne: But why not? I can't imagine a more exciting way to meet. The woman of your dreams steps off a plane, and there you are to rescue her. Niles is watching her tenderly. Very sweet. Martin: Oh, yeah, you can't beat meeting somebody in a romantic way. That's the way it was with me and your mom. Niles: You met Mother over the chalk outline of a murder victim. Martin: So? It was romantic to us. Daphne: I met a boy in a cute way once. I was eighteen and visiting Stonehenge and this smashing young man came up to me and told me he was an actual descendent of the Druids. Frasier: Boy, is that the one place that line would work. Niles: I met someone once flying home from college. I got bumped into first class, found myself sitting there next to a positively ravishing woman. She was a bit older and I was trying desperately to be suave, so when she leaned over and suggested we join the Mile High Club, rather than admit I was unfamiliar with the term, I whispered back, "I really don't travel enough to make that worthwhile." [pauses, takes a sip of sherry] God, that was twenty years ago. [starts to chuckle, then] Nope, still can't laugh about it. [N.B. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, an invitation to "join the Mile High Club" is an offer to have s*x on an airplane.] Frasier stands and walks back over to the message machine. He hits a button. Laura: [V.O.] Hi, Molly. Laura again. Is that Tom on the machine? He sounds nice. Anyw- Frasier stops the machine and turns around. Frasier: She likes the sound of my voice. She's called me twice today. That's already the best relationship I've had this year. Martin: So, are you going? Frasier: Maybe. Oh, I don't know. Daphne: There's nothing worse than when you look back on a missed opportunity. Frasier: What the hell! [runs to grab his overcoat] Daphne: Oh, I'm so excited. Frasier: I can't believe I'm actually doing this! [runs to the door] Niles: Frasier, before you go- Frasier: No, Niles, stop right there! Don't say another word to me! I'll never do something this impulsive if I stop to overthink it. Just let me get the hell out of here before I change my mind! He slams the door behind him. Several moments go by before he opens it again and dashes toward his room. Frasier: But not before I change my shirt. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3 - Int. airport People are de-boarding the plane. Several people hold signs. The first says, "IBM." The second says, "DR. THOMPKINS." Frasier, clearly nervous, stands with a sign with crude capital letters: "LAURA." Then Laura, a beautiful woman in her thirties, appears, maneuvering her cello case with the help of a flight attendant. Laura: Thanks for all your help. I can take it from here. Frasier: [leaning forward, speaking hesitantly] Uh, Laura? Looking for Molly? Laura: Yes, I am. Molly sent a driver? Frasier: Oh, no, no, no. [sincere smile] I'm not a driver, I'm a psychiatrist, I'm here to help you. Laura: [long pause] Molly's having me committed? Frasier: No, no, no! I'm Doctor Frasier Crane. Laura: Oh, from the radio! Frasier: Oh, you know me! Laura: Yes, I've heard your show, it's great! But your knowing me is just - weird. Frasier: Well, actually... you left a couple messages on my machine today by mistake. Laura: Oh, no. I must've gotten my sister's new number wrong. Frasier: I didn't want you waiting around for someone who wasn't coming. Laura: So you came all the way down here? What're you, like the nicest guy in the world? Frasier: Yes. Yes, I am. Well, speaking of nice, I would be delighted to drive you to your sister's home. Laura: Oh, no, no, no, I'll take a cab. Frasier: Are you sure? It's no trouble at all. Laura: Well, she lives an hour away. But, uh, listen, could I buy you a drink just to say thank you? Frasier: Yes, I'd love that. [gesturing to the instrument case] May I take your cello? Laura: Aaahhhh... I checked my cello, this is my purse. Long pause; Frasier seems confused, totally at a loss as to what to say. Laura: [jokingly annoyed] I think that's funny. Why doesn't anybody laugh at that? Frasier: That is funny! Here. [takes case, leads them toward airport bar] So, are you with an orchestra? [puts cello case to the side] Laura: With a chamber music group, actually. We're based in LA, but we travel quite a bit. [sits] I grew up here, so it's always nice to come back. I miss it. Frasier: So, what'll you have? Laura: Um... I think I'll have a glass of sherry. Frasier: [pleasantly surprised] Two. Laura: Not that you can expect that much from airport bar sherry. [guiltily] Oh, goodness. Don't I sound like the perfect snob? Frasier: [dreamily] Yes... [catches himself] I mean, I agree with you about the sherry. So... um... why did you choose the cello? Laura: When I was around eleven, my father took me to the symphony. And this sounds a little silly, but when I heard the cello, it sounded sad, like it needed me. Frasier: [moved] That's not silly. It's lovely. Laura: I was always an odd kid. All my girlfriends had posters of David Cassidy. I had Pablo Cassall. Frasier: I had Sigmund Freud. [laughs] Laura: But did you kiss him every night before you went to bed? Frasier: Well, I... I was tempted to, but he just would've read too much into it! [they laugh; their drinks come] Oh, thank you. Laura: I don't think I've ever shared a drink with a psychiatrist. I'm worried that you must be analyzing me. Frasier: Well, if I am, my diagnosis so far is that I... I can't find a single thing wrong with you. Laura: [takes sip of sherry] Actually, it's quite good! Frasier: Yes. My second pleasant surprise this evening. Laura: Frasier, maybe I'm misreading you here, but - I'm married. Frasier: [slowly, very disappointed] Oh... somehow I jumped to the conclusion that you were single. Wasn稚 there something in your message about having been on your own too much, lately? Laura: Oh, I've been away on tour. Frasier: Oh... Well, I guess by now you've probably figured out that my coming down here wasn't entirely the act of a Good Samaritan. More like a lonely Samaritan. Guess it makes me seem sort of desperate. Laura: No... I think it makes you seem sort of romantic. I used to do things like this when I was single. It was fun. Frasier: Clearly, you were better at being single than I am. Laura: Oh, come on. Let me ask you a question. How did you feel, coming down here? Frasier: I felt... completely exhilarated. In fact, it's the most fun I've had in recent memory. Laura: Exactly. The anticipation, the excitement, the hope. Marriage is the death of all that. Frasier: I hope you didn't write your own vows. Laura: [laughs] I'm not down on marriage. It's just that marriage can be great, but so can not being married. Frasier: I suppose. [pause] Well, you're smart, lovely, talented, able to look at the bright side of things. I'm getting more disappointed by the moment. Laura: [sincerely] I'm sorry it didn't turn out the way you wanted. Frasier: Oh, don't be. Look, I really did have fun. You know, it's not very often that I do something impulsive. Laura: Well, maybe you should. [pause] Well, I really should be going. Frasier: Oh, no, here, allow me. Allow me. I'm the nicest guy in the world, remember? [stands to retrieve cello] Laura: I'll remember. [stands] Frasier: Here we are. [hands over the cello] Laura: This is probably a ridiculous thing to say, but if I weren't married- Frasier: No, you don't have to finish that, but thank you very much for starting it. Laura: [barely audible] Okay. Laura turns to leave, but in the process, her cello case knocks over one of the metal stools at the bar. Frasier: Oh! Let me get that for you. Frasier bends down to lift the chair. Laura walks back over and leans toward him, her eyebrow raised worriedly. Laura: If you ever think back on this, could you just- Frasier: [broad, sweeping gesture] I'll just edit that part out. Laura: [nods] Thank you. Laura walks away. Frasier sits down, nursing his sherry. A dark- haired woman comes on from off-stage. Announcement: ...4 will depart from Gate 31. Passengers may proceed to the.... Woman: Excuse me. Frasier: Mmm-hmmm? Woman: Did you just hear that gate change announcement? Frasier: Oh, no, no, I'm sorry, but perhaps they can help you at the ticket counter. Woman: Oh, good idea. Thanks. [beginning to leave] Frasier: Where're you headed? Woman: Mexico. How about you? Frasier: Oh well, I'm just going to finish up my sherry, and then I'm off to.... [moment of inspiration] I'm going to Mexico! Woman: Really? Acapulco? Frasier: [stands to walk with her] It's uncanny! What hotel are you staying at? Woman: Via Terra. Frasier: Why, that's where I'm staying! You're scaring me! FADE OUT as they board the plane.

Frasier has reservations at an Italian restaurant for dinner, to celebrate Roz's birthday. She tells him she has a date, so he offers the opportunity to Niles (who has plans with Maris), then Martin (who has plans with Sherry), then finally Daphne (who has a date). In the end, he turns up to the restaurant alone, and finds himself surrounded by couples. He returns home after dinner feeling depressed about being forty-three and single. However, he finds that his answering machine contains two messages from a woman called Laura, who is flying to Seattle that evening to meet her sister, and has called his number by mistake. He spontaneously decides to go to the airport to meet her, assuming that she is single, but quickly discovers that she is happily married.

fd_The_Originals_01x12

fd_The_Originals_01x12_0

[Genevieve and Celeste (in Sabine's body) stroll through the cemetery] GENEVIEVE: Oh, I remember this cemetery. Hmm. Hasn't changed a bit. SABINE / CELESTE: I've been coming here over a century, wearing one face or another. FLASHBACK--LAFAYETTE CEMETERY, 1919 [Genevieve approaches a woman kneeling in front of a tomb, praying to her ancestors] GENEVIEVE: Clara Summerlin, will you come on? We're gonna miss everything. [The two walk over to where a crowd of witches are standing around a bonfire, playing congo drums and watching as a witch dances around the flames. Papa Tunde walks out with an albino python around his shoulders, which he hands to his sons after clapping in order quiet the crowd] GENEVIEVE: Told you. Every witch in the Quarter is here to see the great Papa Tunde. PAPA TUNDE: Witches of the French Quarter, thank you for your welcome. It is good to be among people of the faith. I, too, practice ancestral magic, honoring those who walked the path before us. From them, we draw strength. And you will need strength, for a great darkness is coming. The city your forefathers left you is now overrun by pirates, beasts, and vampires. [Papa Tunde takes the python from his sons and throws it into the fire, and many of the witches gasp in surprise and fear] PAPA TUNDE: I practice other magic, as well. Sacrificial magic, channeling power from the lives of my offerings. I use this strength to vanquish my enemies, and I will punish your enemies for their greed. In return, you will accept my family into your coven, and me as your leader. FLASHBACK--A MEETING ROOM, 1919 [Two men enter the room and join Elijah and a police officer at a table] ELIJAH: Gentlemen, make yourselves at home. Mayor O'Connell appears to be running late, but there's much to discuss, so I shall begin. KLAUS: [walks down the stairs to join them] One moment, please, brother. You know how much I enjoy these illicit, little gatherings. ELIJAH: [to the men] Do not be troubled. Despite my brother's reputation, I can assure you, we've invited you here to broker in peace. You have my word. KLAUS: And, lucky for you, my brother always keeps his word. You two are from the Guerrera crime family, a brutish pack of thieves and killers. And that's nothing compared to what you become on a full moon, is it? ELIJAH: Yes, yes, yes. Of course, a bite from your kind is not lethal to an Original. Conflict between us would not end well for you at all. Let's state our proposal here. My brother and I control the ports of the city, but with Prohibition soon to be the law of the land, there'll be a certain uptick in the kind of federal presence we prefer to avoid. Therefore, I'd like to suggest a system whereby, under our supervision, of course, the Guerrera family can traffic alcohol into the city of New Orleans for a profit. We would still be in charge, but our rule would remain a secret. [Papa Tunde walks into the room with his sons following behind him] PAPA TUNDE: This all sounds very good, but tell me, how will it benefit the witches? ELIJAH: I am sorry. This is a private meeting. PAPA TUNDE: Yes, for kings of the city, but I, too, am a king, and I have rules. KLAUS: I'm impressed. You're either quite ambitious or quite mad. What's your name, mate? PAPA TUNDE: I am Alphonse Bellatunde Delgado, Papa Tunde to my followers, and I come to ask that the witches be granted fair tribute for allowing your existence in our city. ELIJAH: Are you suggesting that you speak for the french quarter witches? PAPA TUNDE: I do now, and I expect our future negotiations to go very smoothly. As a guarantee, I brought a gift. I await our next gathering. [A small leather case is placed on the table. Papa Tunde and his sons leave. Everyone else gathers around as Klaus lifts the lid on the trunk to reveal a head inside with a symbol carved into his forehead] KLAUS: Well, I suppose we'll need a new mayor. PRESENT DAY--THE ABBATOIR COURTYARD [Marcel comes down the stairs into the courtyard with a bottle of bourbon in his hand. Diego sees him enter and approaches him as Marcel walks over to sit down at a table] DIEGO: Hey, Marcel, maybe you know what's going on. Klaus ordered us to meet here, and now he's a no-show. MARCEL: What do you want from me? It's a new regime. Get used to it. [Klaus enters the room with Thierry and makes an announcment] KLAUS: Dearest brethren, your attention, please. No doubt, you're all surprised to see Thierry Vanchure, who's supposed to be rotting in the Garden for the crime of killing one of our own, and I personally decided to issue him with a pardon. I hope you'll all welcome home Thierry. [Thierry smiles and gives Diego a hug] DIEGO: Welcome home, man. MARCEL: [to Klaus] You're in a good mood. You should visit Mystic Falls more often. KLAUS: Well, as much as I might like to, I have pressing responsibilities here. [turns to address the crowd of vampires] Now, as you all know, the witch Davina is no longer with us. Without Davina, we can no longer monitor the activity of our witch neighbors. However, since their Harvest failed, their magic will soon be gone forever. Until then, I say we keep them on their toes. Diego, I wonder if you might lead a rousting in the cauldron. [Diego smiles and starts to plan with the other vampires. Marcel grabs his bottle and goes to storm away, but Klaus stops him in the doorway] KLAUS: Marcel, I'd hoped you would join Diego. MARCEL: Nah. I'm gonna take a personal day. [He pushes past Klaus and leaves] IN THE FRENCH QUARTER [Rebekah and Elijah walk through the streets of the Quarter as they talk about recent events] ELIJAH: Now, you may doubt him, but today, I saw Niklaus demonstrate mercy towards an enemy. Tell me that's not progress. REBEKAH: Please, Elijah. Who do you think convinced Klaus to let Thierry out? ELIJAH: Why would you do such a thing? REBEKAH: Because, despite Klaus' reprieve, Thierry despises him. I like that about Thierry. I also like that he used to date a witch, so he knows about French Quarter covens. Maybe he can lead me to whoever stole off with the Harvest magic. ELIJAH: Rebekah, we are all devastated by the outcome of this ritual. REBEKAH: That's just it. There was no outcome. We both know that power like that doesn't just vanish. I say someone stole it. I'd like to know who, and then I'd like to make an ally out of them. ELIJAH: To what end, exactly? REBEKAH: I'm tired of being threatened and controlled by our tyrant brother. If you want to stop a bully, you need the power to stand up to them. ELIJAH: I expect such behavior from Niklaus. It's so very disappointing when it comes from you, Rebekah. Do you not see that, in his way, he's making an effort here? He's invited us back into our family home. He yearns for our family to be reunited. REBEKAH: Yes. He's in a brilliant mood now, but for how long? It's his trick, Elijah. He lulls you into a false sense of camaraderie and kinship, and then he turns on you like a snake. I fall for it every time and wind up with a dagger in my chest for my trouble. No more. ELIJAH: I believe that he is approaching some semblance of peace here. Leadership may, in fact, be a good thing for him. Now, sister, please, I ask you, if you cannot support him, then at least do nothing to provoke him. THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [Klaus enters one of the rooms of the compound and finds Marcel, still drinking alone as he sits on a couch] KLAUS: Ugh, is this what's it's come to? I bear the full weight of our kingdom while you pout like a child. MARCEL: You wanted to be king. Besides, you look like you got it covered. KLAUS: If the men see you shirk your duties, they're likely to do the same. MARCEL: I told you, I am not in the mood for vampire hijinks. KLAUS: No. You'd rather sit wallowing in sorrow for your lost little friend. MARCEL: [stands up and points a finger at Klaus] Don't push me right now. KLAUS: I am sorry Davina is gone, ok? I'm sorry, but this mournful attitude is unworthy of you, and it's boring to me. [Diego enters the room to join them, looking worried] DIEGO: Hey, guys, we got a problem. THE CAULDRON [Thunder rumbles overhead as Diego leads Marcel and Klaus to the Cauldron to show them what he found] DIEGO: We came to mess with the witches, just like you said. And these two, they went missing. Found them like this, not even staked. Just dead. MARCEL: That's two more of my guys gone. Nice job, Captain. [Marcel takes one look at his dead men, puts his hood up, turns around, and starts to walk away] KLAUS: Where are you going? Someone has to account for this! MARCEL: You want revenge, get it yourself. That mark is tied to some bad mojo. Any of y'all got any brains, you'll head back to the compound and stay the hell out of this. [Marcel walks off. Klaus turns to Diego] KLAUS: We're gonna find whoever did this, and I will show them what suffering is. A WAREHOUSE AT THE DOCKS [Thierry and Rebekah walk into a warehouse to investigate] THIERRY: Used to run things down here for Marcel. Thought you'd like to see what I found before Klaus did. REBEKAH: [smirks] Not a day out of the Garden, and you're already proving yourself useful. THIERRY: We made a deal, and if it screws things for your brother, I'm all for it. Though, to be honest, this stuff makes my skin crawl. I've never seen anything like this. [They stop in front of another salt circle on the ground with two dead vampires inside. Both are desiccated and have the same symbol carved into their foreheads] REBEKAH: I have, a long time ago. Somebody is copycatting a very dangerous witch. They draw their power from sacrifice. THIERRY: I just don't understand why someone would leave it here for us to find. REBEKAH: Unless they wanted it to be found. [Papa Tunde appears from the shadows behind them. Rebekah notices him in shock and horror] PAPA TUNDE: Mademoiselle Mikaelson. REBEKAH: That's not possible. PAPA TUNDE: Sure, it is, chére. It's magic. [Rebekah speed vamps toward him to try to kill him, but Papa Tunde simply reaches out and grabs her by the throat] PAPA TUNDE: Symbole du masque et de l'ombre, embrace-toi. Embrace-toi. Symbole du masque et de l'ombre, embrace-toi. Embrace-toi. Symbole du masque et de l'ombre, embrace-toi. Embrace-toi. Symbole du masque et de l'ombre, embrace-toi. [Rebekah starts to desiccate, and thick gray veins pop up all over her face and neck. Terrified, Thierry speed vamps and disappears out of the warehouse] COMPOUND COURTYARD [Klaus, Elijah, Diego, and many of the other vampires are congregating in the courtyard, discussing their current situation] KLAUS: Ah! Someone will die for this. ELIJAH: Remarkably, I don't disagree. However, I would like to know where they learned such dark magic. KLAUS: I had hoped never to see that symbol again. I recall it is the signature of a fool who once stood against us. ELIJAH: Clearly, some upstart witch is salvaging old tricks. KLAUS: I'll do for him as I did the other. [turns to Diego] Diego, when night falls, I want you to gather every vampire in the Quarter. Get me the head of whoever did this and put it on a stick. DIEGO: Yeah. That's gonna be a problem. Everyone is freaked out, man. We haven't had witches killing vampires in a long time. Marcel made sure of that. KLAUS: Marcel has run off like a scared child. You lot are left with me. Now, who of you will fight to defend our home? [looks around to see that no one comes forward] Not a single one of you will stand with me, so afraid are you of this new threat? You should know better. I'll handle this myself. [Klaus storms off] ROUSSEAU'S CAMI: [on the phone] Sophie, the restaurant is an epic disaster again. Do you think maybe you could come in today and... [the voice mail interrupts: "User's mailbox is full."] CAMI: [annoyed] Good-bye. MARCEL: Looks like I should've been here last night. [Cami, startled, looks for anything she can find to use as a weapon, finally settling on an empty liquor bottle] CAMI: Before you try anything, I'm on vervain. MARCEL: Yeah, Klaus mentioned you broke free of his compulsion. Good for you. Sophie around? CAMI: No. Why? MARCEL: Got a witch problem. Thought she might have answers. [he sits down] Mind if I wait? [he grabs a bottle off the bar and pours himself a drink] CAMI: It's a little early for day drinking. Let me guess, Klaus problems. I thought you'd be on top of the world now that you have Davina back. MARCEL: Davina is gone. CAMI: [shocked] Was it Klaus? I told him, if he hurt her... MARCEL: It wasn't like that. The power that she had was too much. We tried to fix her with this crazy-ass ritual, and something went wrong. Now she's...I don't know, floating in limbo, or waiting on her ancestors. CAMI: Marcel, I'm sorry. MARCEL: Yeah, me, too. THE ABBATOIR--DAVINA'S OLD ROOM [Elijah walks into the room to find Hayley looking at Davina's old sketches] ELIJAH: There you are. HAYLEY: Here I am. ELIJAH: [gestures to the sketches] Davina's drawings. HAYLEY: Yeah. Morbid, I know. I was just thinking, we never figured out why she drew those pictures of Celeste. Anyway, I'm just killing time, now that I'm on vampire lockdown. ELIJAH: Whoever did this, we will deal with them. It won't be long. HAYLEY: I'm not worried. Just think it's kind of funny that it took some big, supernatural threat for you to even come into the same room as me. ELIJAH: I do apologize if you feel neglected. I have been occupied. My siblings are in some quarrel. Niklaus remains agitated. You'll recall that even our slightest interactions seem to infuriate him. HAYLEY: So Klaus is a dick, and you want to be a good big brother. So we can't hang out. That sum it up? I get it, Elijah. It just seems like a really crappy deal. ROUSSEAU'S [Marcel is still sitting at the bar with Cami when his phone rings. It's Klaus. He hits the ignore button and returns to his drink] CAMI: El presidente? MARCEL: He likes to keep track of his people. CAMI: Why are you loyal to him, exactly? MARCEL: For someone who says she can't stand the guy, you sure ask a lot of questions about him. CAMI: My interest is purely academic. MARCEL: I know what you're doing. You're mad he used you, and you want to get back at him. Maybe you're hoping I'll let slip some chink in his armor. Friendly advice--don't do that. It won't end well. Let me tell you a story about someone who went up against Klaus. FLASHBACK--THE ABBATOIR, 1919 [Marcel returns home in his military uniform to find a party being held at the compound. Marcel sees Rebekah sitting at a table with an unknown gentleman, and walks toward her] MARCEL (VOICEOVER): This was right after I returned from World War I. I'd been trying to get away from New Orleans for a while. Something kept drawing me back. KLAUS: Why don't you get me some Martinis? Thank you. MARCEL: [to Rebekah] Aren't you gonna welcome me home? REBEKAH: I wouldn't want you to think that I was happy to see you. MARCEL: How long you gonna hate me? REBEKAH: You left me in a box for fifty-two years. Twice that seems like a good start. Come on, boys. KLAUS: [approaches Marcel] There he is. Our war hero, triumphantly returned. Oh, good to have you back, Marcellus. Welcome home. [They drink] Mm. ELIJAH: Ha ha! The prodigal son has finally learned to hold his liquor. MARCEL: The Army'll do that to you. ELIJAH: Well, it's good to have you back. Niklaus was beside himself in your absence. KLAUS: Now that you are here, perhaps you could help settle an argument. You see, you've traded a war abroad for one here in the Quarter. Some rogue witch wants a piece of the city we built, and Elijah, for reasons beyond my comprehension, insists that negotiation is our best recourse. ELIJAH: Yes. KLAUS: On the topic of your failed comprehension, you neglect, as a soldier, Marcel has seen not only how small the world has become and how fast news can travel, but also the very horrors of war itself. Surely, Marcel would agree with me. ELIJAH: The best way for us to defend our home is by exercising discretion. MARCEL: So who's the witch you want to kill? KLAUS: His name is Papa Tunde. I think he's a charlatan. ELIJAH: Well, Marcel shall be able to decide that for himself. You invited him here. KLAUS: Of course. We're not savages, are we? [Papa Tunde arrives at the party, and Klaus immediately approaches him] KLAUS: Thank you for accepting our invitation, and welcome. I hope you'll allow me to play the role of host. If there's anything you need- Anything at all... PAPA TUNDE: Pleasure before business, then. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! PRESENT DAY--ROUSSEAU'S MARCEL: I didn't get it at first. Klaus was the one who wanted to go to war. CAMI: So, why was he inviting his enemy into his home? Why be so generous to someone who he's gonna have to kill? MARCEL: But, you see, that's the thing. It was all part of Klaus' plan. He was sussing the guy out, learning his weaknesses, his strengths, getting him to let his guard down. That's how Klaus does it. Then he goes in for the kill. CAMI: Because he's a two-faced sociopath. There's nothing enviable about what Klaus does. He is a monster. MARCEL: We're all monsters, Cami. If you're powerful like Klaus is, you just don't have to bother hiding it. CAMI: Davina was powerful. She wasn't a monster. [SCENE_BREAK] THE DOCKS [Papa Tunde finishes doing his spell on Rebekah, who lays desiccated in a circle of salt, with his symbol carved into her forehead. He stands back and admires his work] PAPA TUNDE: It is done. The power of the Original sister flows through me. CELESTE: And will that be enough to make Klaus suffer? PAPA TUNDE: I will hurt Klaus Mikaelson as he hurt me. When I am done, he will wish that he could die. ROUSSEAU'S MARCEL: You gonna open this place today? CAMI: And risk you eating the clientele? MARCEL: Oh, and here I thought you were starting to like me again. [Marcel's phone rings again. He answers it] KLAUS: Ah, you've deigned to break your despair long enough to pick up the phone. MARCEL: I figured you'd just keep calling. KLAUS: I'm in the Cauldron now. You could meet me here, we could start burning passersby at the stake. MARCEL: Sorry. I'm gonna chase down my own lead. KLAUS: And where might that be, the bottom of a bottle of scotch? MARCEL: I'm at Sophie Deveraux's place. I figured I'll sit here and drink 'til she shows. KLAUS: Or, you could snap out of this funk and come and help me end this. [Marcel hangs up the the phone] THE ALLEY [Sophie Deveraux appears in the alley, drunk, stumbling around with her own bottle of liquor as she approaches Klaus] SOPHIE: Big, bad Klaus Mikaelson. KLAUS: Sophie. Just the witch I was looking to brutalize. [he speed vamps toward Sophie and grabs her in a chokehold] Perhaps you could explain the attacks on my men. THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [Hayley and Elijah are in the courtyard. Hayley watches as Elijah tries to call Rebekah] ELIJAH: Rebekah is not answering her calls. HAYLEY: You worried about whoever killed those daywalkers still being out there? ELIJAH: Frankly, I'm worried that she had something to do with this. She's very displeased with Niklaus, perhaps even conspiring with others. [Elijah notices Thierry drinking alone at a table and joins him] ELIJAH: Thierry, is it? THIERRY: That's right. ELIJAH: My sister is rather fond of you. Strange, she's not typically drawn to unremarkable men. Would you care to explain your sudden magnetism? THIERRY: I don't know what you're... [Elijah, annoyed, grabs him by the throat and pushes him against the wall] ELIJAH: You can either tell me what you know, or I can distribute tiny pieces of you throughout the Quarter. THIERRY: [reluctantly] She asked me to keep an eye out on witch stuff. I found something, and when I showed her, we were jumped by some guy. He desiccated her with his touch. ELIJAH: [angry] Like a coward, you left her. THIERRY: What was I supposed to do, fight some warlock that took out an Original? ELIJAH: Where was this, exactly? THIERRY: The docks, warehouse 57. I was just doing what she asked. You cannot tell Klaus about this. [Elijah throws Thierry against the wall. He's unconscious] ELIJAH: I shall take that into consideration. HAYLEY: [worried] I'm coming with you. ELIJAH: No. Stay here. The compound is safe. HAYLEY: Rebekah is in trouble. I'm going. ELIJAH: [considers this, and sighs] Do not leave my sight. Understand? [Hayley nods, and the two leave for the docks] ROUSSEAU'S MARCEL: Me calling things off with you wasn't lack of interest. I was hoping to save you from all this. CAMI: Well, thanks, Romeo, but I'm in it. So, when are you gonna get to the good part with Klaus and that Papa guy? FLASHBACK--1919 MARCEL (VOICEOVER): Papa Tunde said he wanted to empower the witches. Mostly, he wanted money and territory. Klaus and Elijah weren't about to give him either. He didn't like that, so he went on a rampage. [We see flashes of him sacrificing his offerings] No one was safe. Not the humans in the faction. [We see Papa Tunde killing them] Not the Guerrera werewolves. He even went after the witches who opposed him. Elijah offered a truce. He gave his word, in fact, but Klaus, being Klaus, he had another idea. [Papa Tunde is waiting in their meeting place when he hears someone enter] PAPA TUNDE: You're late, Elijah. It's not like the noble brother to keep me waiting. KLAUS: I'm sorry, mate. Elijah is the brother you meet when negotiations are to be had. I'm the one you get when negotiations are closed. PAPA TUNDE: You do not scare me. You have no idea the power I possess. KLAUS: Oh, in fact, I made it a point to learn all about your power. I noticed how you're almost always near those twin sons of yours, how they bear your distinctive ,ark. Got me to thinking--you channel their power, don't you? Which, of course, begs the question: what would happen were that power to be taken away, if those sons whose lives you depend on were suddenly struck down? What of that power then? [Marcel brings in a box and sets it down. Papa Tunde looks into the box and sees the severed heads of his twin sons] PAPA TUNDE: [enraged] I will kill you for this. KLAUS: I cannot be killed. You, however... [Klaus zooms over to him and presses his thumbs into Papa Tunde's eyes and in through his brain, eventually killing him] PAPA TUNDE: Aagh! PRESENT DAY--ROUSSEAU'S CAMI: [horrified] That's awful! MARCEL: Oh, to Klaus, it's just business. CAMI: And don't you think there's something fundamentally wrong with that? Don't you worry you'll end up one of his victims or, worse, just like him? [Papa Tunde suddenly appears in the bar] PAPA TUNDE: Poor Marcellus. You remain always in the shadow of your father. Climb out from beneath it, will you, so you can die like a man? MARCEL: Cami, you need to run now. Don't look back. Just go. PAPA TUNDE: I think she should stay. I prefer an audience, and I'm about to put on quite the show. CAMI: Marcel? MARCEL: I said get out of here. [Cami, terrified, hesitates in the doorway, not wanting to leave Marcel alone] PAPA TUNDE: You cannot defeat me. I channel the power of an Original vampire. Soon, I will have all three. But first, I will take you. THE DOCKS [Sophie examines the abandoned desiccated vampires that Papa Tunde left for the vampires to find] SOPHIE: It's a complex spell. Old-school stuff, rooted in sacrificial magic. Whoever did this to your guys, my guess is they were an offering to gain more power. More guys they kill, more power they have. [Klaus' phone rings, and when he sees it's Cami, he answers it] KLAUS: (answers his phone) I didn't expect a call from you so soon. CAMI: You need to get to Rousseau's now. Some lunatic witch doctor is killing Marcel. KLAUS: Get as far away from there as you can. THE DOCKS [Hayley and Elijah arrive to where Rebekah's body was left and immediately run toward her. Elijah is also on the phone with Sophie, who is still with the other body] ELIJAH: Rebekah! [he goes to kneel next to her, but can't cross the barrier made by the salt] HAYLEY: Oh, what's happening? ELIJAH: Some kind of boundary spell. Someone is channeling her. Typically, it's a lethal process, but, because she's an Original, she can't die. Instead, she's an endless source of power. HAYLEY: So what are we supposed to do? ELIJAH: You have to get her out of there. ROUSSEAU'S PAPA TUNDE: [bends over Marcel and holds his knife to his forehead as he begins to carve in the mark] As I recall, you're one of the few people Niklaus Mikaelson ever gave a damn about. You know what he did to my family. MARCEL: Aah! PAPA TUNDE: The sins of the father are paid for by the son. I will take pleasure in telling Klaus how you died. [Papa Tunde is about to kill Marcel when Klaus speed vamps into the bar and stops him] KLAUS: I remember killing you. I rather relished it. What a joy it is to relive fond memories. PAPA TUNDE: You're here. Good. I can crush you before the eyes of your son. Then, I will consume you both. This time, I'm stronger. THE DOCKS ELIJAH: You're not listening. We cannot enter the circle. There's some kind of confinement spell... If I can't remove her, we can't break the link. SOPHIE: It's a convoluted spell. It's like a witch's recipe. You can spoil the balance by adding a more potent ingredient. A mystical binding agent. I don't know, volcanic ash, rock salt...anything up to and including eye of newt. ELIJAH: What about the blood of a witch? SOPHIE: [confused] Do you have the blood of a witch? ELIJAH: [turns to Hayley] I need a favor. HAYLEY: [immediately understands] The baby. She's a quarter witch. [Hayley gives Elijah her wrist, and he gingerly bites it to draw blood. They walk towards the magic circle together. Elijah holds out Hayley's wrist and lets the blood fall on the magic boundary line. It starts to fizzle and deteriorate. Elijah is able to get through, and he quickly picks up Rebekah and takes her out of the circle. He reaches for Hayley's hand, and then he speed vamps out of there with Rebekah and Hayley in tow] ROUSSEAU'S [Papa Tunde has Klaus and is about to finish him off, when he suddenly becomes weak when his link to Rebekah is broken. Klaus is able to stun Papa Tunde long enough to run over to Marcel] CAMI: Uhhh, is he dead? KLAUS: Get out of here. CAMI: Is Marcel dead? Did that guy kill him? KLAUS: He didn't finish him off. Marcel needs blood to heal. Go. Find me someone off the street. CAMI: I'll do it. KLAUS: No. Not you. I don't want you involved in this. CAMI: You don't control me anymore, remember? [She rushes over to Marcel and puts his mouth to her neck] It's ok, Marcel. It's ok. It's ok, Marcel. [Klaus looks on the two of them with a look of jealousy] AN ALLEY REBEKAH: [ambushes Thierry] Ah! I should rip out your coward heart. THIERRY: What, Rebekah? We made a deal to take out your brother, but at he end of the day, it's every man for himself. REBEKAH: I am so sick of self-serving narcissists. Are men simply incapable of committing to an alliance? [Elijah speed vamps up to Thierry and snaps his neck] ELIJAH: Oh, I asked you to cease these petty moves against our family, and yet you conspire with this fool. Is this what its come to, making moves against your own blood? REBEKAH: Don't you try and shame me. Nik grows more powerful by the day, and you do nothing but encourage him. ELIJAH: I offer him my counsel because it's clear to me that he needs to make the city our home. Now, perhaps leading these derelicts will curb some of these impulses, grant him some degree of happiness. REBEKAH: You always talk of Nik's happiness. Over 1,000 years, he has robbed me of any chance at my own. What about me, Elijah? Am I not a concern for you? ELIJAH: We all make sacrifices in the name of this family, Rebekah, but know this. I will never stand against you or Niklaus. REBEKAH: What about Hayley? Nothing I conspire to do, none of my treachery will harm this family as much as your feelings for her. You're a hypocrite, Elijah. You would choose love over family and then condemn me for doing the same. JARDIN GRIS VOODOO SHOP [Marcel walks into the Jardin Gris, where Rebekah is standing and waiting for him.] REBEKAH: Fancy meeting you here MARCEL: That symbol is already up and down the cauldron, more of them popping up everywhere. REBEKAH: I suppose Papa Tunde is marking his territory. MARCEL: I'm told you saw him, as well. REBEKAH: Yeah. Brought up a lot of memories. Memories that are best left buried. FLASHBACK--1919 REBEKAH: You're soused. Celebrating Klaus' defeat of the mad Papa Tunde? MARCEL: Not celebrating, drowning sorrows. I'm the one who brought Tunde to town. REBEKAH: What? MARCEL: I made some inquiries while I was abroad, wanted the most dangerous witch anyone could find. REBEKAH: Why on earth would you do that? MARCEL: For you. I figured if someone as bad as Tunde comes in, maybe Klaus gets chased off. Very least, he's occupied enough that he can't stop me from trying to get you back. REBEKAH: You mean to tell me that you would tear down everything my family built, everything you helped us build, risk your own life on the off chance that I would show you the slightest bit of affection? MARCEL: I would. I did. I'd do it again. REBEKAH: Klaus has killed a thousand Tundes. All his life, there's only ever been one man he has truly feared My father Mikael. MARCEL: The vampire who hunts vampires. REBEKAH: If he came here, Klaus would flee and never turn back. All we need is a witch who can help us find him. THE ABBATOIR COMPOUND [Klaus gives a speech to the crew of vampires in the compound] KLAUS: Not long ago, you all united against me. You failed. Since then, in my benevolence, I have wiped the slate clean, yet it seems clear you think that I am the one who needs to earn your respect, your loyalty. You're mistaken. It is you who must prove yourselves to me. Our community is under attack. I require soldiers. I need warriors, not cowards. Each of you has a decision to make. You either fight alongside me or you leave now. THIERRY: We don't owe you anything. If staying in the Quarter means living under your rule, I'd just as soon get the hell out. [Klaus watches as a handful of vampires join Thierry and walk out of the compound. Thierry looks at Diego in hopes that he'll come along, but he gives him a pained look and stays behind. Afterwards, Marcel and Klaus talk with Sophie] MARCEL: I got to admit, I thought you'd lose a lot more guys than that. KLAUS: Well, good riddance to them, I say. We've no room for slackers or cowards in our kingdom. Now that you've regained your composure, let's move on to the next item of business, shall we, with a little help from our dear friend Sophie. SOPHIE: I got no reason to help you, and I sure as hell don't have a reason to help him. KLAUS: Now, now, don't be difficult, love. You'll only live as long as you're of use to me, and right now, your best use is to explain why a witch I killed has come back for revenge. Come on. Resurrected witches with vast power? SOPHIE: It's the Harvest. To die and be reborn. I don't know how, but someone jacked that power, and they used it to bring back four witches, just not the right ones. MARCEL: So there's still a chance? If we can get that power back, we can save Davina. KLAUS: Let's concentrate on the immediate problem, shall we? Papa Tunde wants revenge. He'll continue to attack us, channeling power from the vampires he sacrifices. He kills, he grows more dangerous. So how do I end him? He needs sacrifices to gain power. SOPHIE: Hmm. You keep him from killing any more nightwalkers, that's a start. KLAUS: Unless he finds the one place with a load of vampires ready to be sacrificed. [They all look at each other with a look of dawning realization] THE GARDEN [Klaus and Marcel arrive at the garden only to discover that they are too late. All of the vampires are dead, sacrificed by Papa Tunde] LAFAYETTE CEMETERY [Celeste (in Sabine's body) meets with Papa Tunde near a crypt] CELESTE: Is it done? PAPA TUNDE: This blade now contains all the power I harvested from the vampires. It will do things worse than death, even to an Original. CELESTE: And are you ready for the final offering? PAPA TUNDE: In the name of the witches of the French Quarter, it is my honor. [he hands her the bone knife] CELESTE: Thank you, Papa Tunde. [she stands behind him and slits his throat with the knife]

Still angered, Marcel refuses to help Niklaus when a gruesome discovery is made. Rebekah is taken back when she discovers the remnants of a sacrifice down by the docks, coming to the conclusion that it's the work of a fearsome warlock from their distant past. When Elijah receives information that Rebekah is in danger, he and Hayley set off to find her. Camille, while confronting Marcel, learns details of his dark and tragic past, but they are cut short and put on-edge when an unexpected visitor intrudes on them. Niklaus faces his most powerful foe yet, one that has an unprecedented advantage over him, named Alfons Delgado also known as "Papa Tunde." He is a powerful warlock who had issues with The Originals in the past. He attacks Rebekah and desiccates her to channel her energy. Upon his return, Marcel reveals to Cami how Klaus tortured Tunde before killing him. Elijah, who is worried about Rebekah goes after her traces and Hayley accompanies him. He finds her lying on the floor inside Tunde's spell circle but he can't get into it to save her. He learns from Sophie that the only way to save Rebekah is by breaking the spell with Hayley's blood (from the baby who is one-quarter a witch). Meanwhile, it is revealed that Marcel was the one who brought Tunde in the city a few years ago in order to defeat Klaus. Tunde kills the imprisoned vampires under Klaus' mansion and later sacrifices himself to Celeste (Sabine) in order to give her the power to defeat Klaus.

fd_Sally4Ever_01x03

fd_Sally4Ever_01x03_0

Me. It's chubby chic. The wedding's not really happening, is it? - The wedding's off? - No. Ten minutes ago, you said you were engaged. - EMMA: Well, it's not happening - MOTHER: I mean, I don't - because she's gay! - Just stop interrupt (GULPING) MOTHER: We're going. David wanted to pop in and water the plants. He's got such a toxic energy. Dad's dead. (SOBBING) You sure it's true (SUCKS TEETH) but convenient? - Convenient that his dad died? - Well Without her, you would have nothing. You barely have me and You probably won't be here much longer. (DAVID SOBS) (SEXUAL MOANING) - Mom? - Did anything happen last night? EMMA: Oh God. I'm sorry, I don't feel safe when she does that. Sally, let's go. (PANTING) - That was incredible. - Mm. (WHISPERING): Did you like it when I toe-fucked you? - Mm, yeah. - Yeah. - So tired. - Yeah. - I felt like I was, like - Pretty tired. pushing my toe into a little wet shoe. Tiny sticky shoe. (HUMMING) Little butterfly on your cheek. - Yeah. - Mm. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop-boo. Big fat butterfly. - Yeah, okay. - (BOTH LAUGH) - Meet the scratchy beetle. - (GRUNTS) Hello. Hmm, that's so nice. - I kind of like being still. - Mm. - (BUZZING) - Okay. Mr. Buzzy Bee! Maybe how about no more animals in my face for now? - (BLOWING) - Okay. Sorry. Was I too much? No, no. I can't get enough of you. You know, I miss you when you're asleep. I miss you at work. - I know. - Can we Skype again tomorrow? Um, it's really difficult for me because you know, I've got so much work on, and - It's no wonder you're tired. - Yeah. You know, if you want to go back to your place and get a change of clothes, that might be a good idea. God, no. I'm fine, honestly. I, um, found a really cute pair of your knickers, actually. 'Cause I was, um turning mine inside out. I have to tell you, it kind of just reaches a point where, you know Mm. Well, normally, after two days, it's Well, yeah. Yeah. Mine yet really, really gloppy. Like, you know, like, crusty and have big pooh stripes. Oh, God. (KINGS OF CONVENIENCE'S "TOXIC GIRL" PLAYING) In the sky the birds are pulling rain (ELEANOR HUFFS) In your life a curse has got a name Makes you lie awake all through the night Hi, Nigel. She's intoxicated by herself Nigel. Every day she's seen with someone else EMMA: What are you looking at baby? Mustard pillows? (SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) (EMMA GIGGLING) KATE: Sally? - KATE: Hi! - DAN: Hi, Sal. SALLY: Hi. How are you? - Hi. I'm Dan. Hi, nice to meet you. - Hi. I'm Emma. Haven't seen you for ages. You never answer your phone. - I do. How are you? - I've been ringing you. - Where have you been? - Just here, in the shops. DAN: Doug, I'm in furniture hell, mate. How long did you stay at Wonky-Tonks? - Is that Dan Barrow-Felfe? - Yes, yes. Oh, my God. That's amazing. - How do you know him? - He's my husband? Oh, God. Well done. So what's this about an engagement? Huh? This ? - Is David absolutely thrilled? - It's good to see you. We've got to We've got to go. Sorry. Um, I was wondering, can I be a real w*nk*r (LAUGHS) and give you my show reel? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Great. Brilliant. - Thank you. - Are you an actress? - Yeah. Emma De Florentier. - Nice name. - Yeah. I'm such a big, big fan. - DAN: I'll check it out. - SALLY: We have to go. - Sorry? - I've got an appointment. - What appointment? - The thing that I was talking to you about. Okay. We should hang out! It's so great to meet you guys. - So good. We've got to go. - You've got amazing eyes. DAN: I love you. SALLY: We've really got to go. - Stop it. - KATE: Easy tiger. (WHEELCHAIR MOTOR WHIRRING) - (THUDS) - (LAUGHS COYLY) Great minds. I'm actually just trying to do a tiny bit of work, - and have a quiet little coffee, so - Oh. Lovely to, lovely to see you, Eleanor. Mmm. Yay. Thank you. Mmm. Mmm. (GLUGGING) Mmm, mmm. (GLUGGING) (RHYTHMIC GLUGGING) You okay? - Yeah. Help yourself, by the way. - I'm okay. - I'm fine. - No, I insist. (GIGGLES) - (CLICKS, WHIRS) - I'm okay, yeah. (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING) - Cake? - No, thanks. Okay, more for me. (GIGGLES) You've pimped up your pimped up your ride. Did I? - Amazing. - Just a bit of fun. May I get the bill, please? (ALARM CLOCK RINGING) SALLY: Hi. - Hey. - (PHONE CLATTERS) (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) - Hey. - Hi. I just made lunch. - Thank you. - Little potatoes. - My little baby potato. - I've got to go to work. Oh, honey, please don't go to work. Why do you have to go to work? - I'm gonna miss you. - I've got to. Oh, my God. Okay? Emma, I've got to go to work now. We can't do that. What are you doing? God, I just My phone Come on, I can't be late for work again, Emma. I just really need to taste your pussy. - I need to taste your pussy. - Oh, my God. (PANTING) Please, Em. I can't be late for work. - (EMMA PANTING) - Oh, God. Oh, it tastes like the sea. - (MOANS) - Em. (EMMA PANTING RAPIDLY) Oh, yeah. Yeah! - f*ck! - Oh, yeah! - Oh, sh1t! - Yeah! - f*ck. - Oh, me, too. f*ck, sh1t, sh1t, sh1t! - f*ck. - Yeah, yeah, you're coming! Oh, my God! Jesus! It's f*cking 10:30! - (EMMA PANTING) - f*ck! Emma, I've got to go. - f*ck. I'm really sorry. - What the f*ck are you doing? I'm really f*cking late for work. EMMA: Jesus Christ, what is wrong with you? sh1t, sh1t, sh1t. - I'm so sorry, I've just - What is wrong with you? Sorry. I've got to SALLY: Ow! f*ck. - What? - Did you just kick me? What are you talking about? - I've got to go. - Why are you being so weird? You're really scaring me. We should get therapy. (ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING) Bounce I'm so sorry. God. MICK: Ah, you've not missed much. Just a load of desperate dads perving at the waitresses. Nige' included. Mind you, he's hit the jackpot, there, lucky sod. - ELEANOR: Do you think? - MICK: Yeah. She looks very manly to me. You should come to one of my keep fit sessions. Maybe I will. Yeah. - Are you a widower? - Oh, no. No. - Just got one of them faces. - Right. Yeah. You got a nice, big body, though. Thank you very much. - Should just tone up a bit. - Yeah, sure. Yeah, well, maybe I'll come to one of your classes. - Yeah, you should. - Yeah. I mean, I've got good upper body strength, but, um, my legs are quite weak. - Hmm. - Um, withered. Not withered, but quite - Do you lift much, Nigel? - Lift? - Yeah, actually lift. - Uh, just things around the house. So sorry, Deborah. All the clocks at home are wrong. Oh, yeah, right. I suppose the dog ate your homework, as well. Honestly, you're clearly not taking this promotion seriously at all, Sally. Oh, no. No, thanks. Can I get one? Thanks very much. Evening. Glad you could make it. Ha, ha, ha. That's not funny. Deborah just gave me a bollocking. - Oh. - Who's your new friend? That's Roquette. Yeah, she's a fitness instructor. - Roquette. - Yeah. Like the leaf, you know, strong, peppery. The French twist. She does a bounce-back class for people coming out of relationships. - Getting them back on the horse. - Mm-hmm. - This is the class. - Oh, hi. - Hi. - Hello, there. - NIGEL: That's for you. - BOTH: Thank you. - Cheers. - Oh, cheers to you. Yeah, you should come around. You know, for some mac and cheese one night. NIGEL: That sounds nice. Yeah. You can still eat nice food, but just Bounce it off? - I bounce it off every morning. - Yeah, me too. Mum, I need a sh1t. Little charmer, isn't he? - She's fun. - Yes. Yeah, she is. Full of beans. Legend. Did I just I'd be a little bit careful. - Why? - Yeah, she looks very aggressive. No, I mean, she's got a child. ELEANOR: But you like kids, though, don't you, Nigel? I love kids. Me too. Luckily, I, um, froze my eggs, so What about you, Mick? Do you ever fancy kids? (SCOFFS) If I did, it's not something I'd admit to. (GASPS) BELINDA: Are you okay for drinks? I would love, um, a cortado. There's just water. Um, so, why don't we start by you telling me a little bit about, um, what's going on for you at the moment. - Um - Sorry, I can see that you've got a hot drink. Oh, yes, no, that's an herbal tea that I made in my own time, so It's fine. I think, um I don't think we really, um, need therapy. Yeah, I mean, you know, everything's pretty good, really. I think it's just teething problems. And just mopping up a few sort of - Stains? - Uh, yeah. Issues. Emotional stains. Right. Okay. I feel like when I first met - Emma, you know, she was really attractive. - Yeah. Really fun. Really, um smart. And then, as the weeks went on, I think I saw another side of her - Sides of her that I really don't like, at all. - Mm. She actually she kicked me in the shin - when I was going to be late for work. - Mm-hmm. Sort of play, a playful ? - Yeah. - I didn't like it. I mean, I don't remember it, but I'm sure it would've been a It was either, you know, when you get that reflex in the knee - Yes. - EMMA: with a small hammer? Or it was a playful tussle. - Yeah. - Like horseplay. So it's about perception. I imagine if it's new, there's a lot of Sally's body that you're wanting to really get your hands on, and explore. Absolutely. There's no bit that I don't want to - Dig into. - Dig into. - Okay. - But Sally just has some real kind of blocks about (CLEARS THROAT) certain sexual things I'd like to do. What sort of things? I just really like exploring the body - using different parts of the body. - Mm-hmm. Just give me an example What sort of ? Well, I was trying, to, um I don't know if you've heard of nose f*cking - Mm-hmm. - EMMA: in the anus. - Right. - I tried that. - BELINDA: And what happened? - I'm sorry, I'm not very comfortable talking about this. She just didn't really like it, um, or Mm-hmm. And what was it, Sally, that you found difficult? There's some tissues there if you want some. I think it's partly she didn't know what was happening. - Okay. - I perhaps should have told her before. - But that's not very spontaneous, so - Mm-hmm. - Was it that, or ? - Yeah, I found it frightening. Frightening? Okay, uh I only knew she was really frightened when she broke wind. - Okay. - SALLY: I really didn't like it. You didn't like it? I'd love it if she did that to me. Would you consider that, Sally? No. - No? - I sort of almost tried - to make her do that. - BELINDA: Popping around? Well, I was just, I tried to sort of sit on you, didn't I, one morning. Reversed myself onto her face, but Well, it's very sensitive of you to just start to try that out and gently um, encourage Sally. I pretended I was looking for something - Right. - on the bed, and just sort of - you know - Wiggled back. And that wasn't something that you wanted to No. I should have had a bath first, maybe, but Wonderful. Wonderful. - You okay? - BELINDA: Yeah, have a tissue. - I'm fine. - BELINDA: Are you sure? - Yeah. - Ba-ba-ba-da, ba-ba-ba-ba-dah Could you fill up my sippy cup? Yeah. Yeah. Sorry if I'm a bit hyper. Amazing weekend. - Really? - Yeah. Me and Nigel. Yeah, we went to this art exhibition. Amazing! He loves his cake. That's me feeding him. - SALLY: Yeah? - ELEANOR: Yeah. (GIGGLES) - You okay? - Yeah. I saw on David's Instagram that the engagement's on hold. Which I suppose means off? Honestly, ha Men! Ba-ba-ba-da, ba-bi-da-ba Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba - (CRASHING) - Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-di-da-ba It's okay. It's fine. Ba ba, ba-da ba ba SALLY: No, I mean, I do want you to meet her. You know, she's my best friend. EMMA: Is Dan definitely going to be there? SALLY: Yeah, I'm sure. EMMA: Okay, cool. Do I look okay? SALLY: Umm. Yeah. KATE: Hi. Oh, thank you. - SALLY: Oh, hi. - KATE: Darling. - Aw, it's so nice to meet you properly. - And you. And you. There you are. Thank you for this. That looks lovely. Mm, it's quite expensive wine, so I hope it's nice. Thank you, thank you. Me loves me booze. - ALL: Cheers. - To new friends. Yes, yes. Oh, yeah. So you're an actress? - Yeah. - And a musician. - KATE: Wow. - Yeah, I've actually, um - I've got my CD if you want to pop that on. - Thank you. It's my 14th album, but, um, yeah - Pop it on. - Wow, I will do. Okay. - Thank you. - Yeah. Yeah. - I know Bryan Ferry really well. - KATE: Do you? Oh, should I get that? It's boiling over. Oh, God, thank you. I'm sorry! It's all just a bit much for me. EMMA: Oh, my God, it's only pasta. - Are you okay with that? - No, I don't eat gluten, actually. Uh, I've got I might have some gluten-free I don't like gluten-free stuff. It's horrible. It's really dry. There's salad, and I'm sure we can we'll get you something, I'm sure. - I could do a bit of this. - SALLY: Lovely. EMMA: That tomato was on the counter, just now. - I'll cut up another one. - Just a bit paranoid about salmonella and stuff. - KATE: It's all very clean. - EMMA: Do you have a cleaner? - Yes, I do. Yeah, yeah. I just can't do everything. - You try, though, don't you. You know what, I do. I do. You know, I'm constantly, you know EMMA: What do you do? Well, just, I'm a mom with the kids at the moment. Um - Is that everything? - Yeah. Oh, my God. Who is this? - KATE: Molly. You should really be in bed. - DAN: Hey. - EMMA: Hi. - DAN: Why is Molly still up? KATE: I was going to take her back to bed, but do you want to take her back to bed? DAN: I'm so tired. I've just got so much work on. Do you mind? Okay, fine. I'll do it, then. Will you just give them a bit of bruschetta or something? Bruschetta, it is. - KATE: I'll be a minute. - SALLY: Good night. - How are you doing? - Really good. - Good. How are you? - Yeah, good. So what are you working on right now? Doing a movie, and, um, yeah, with, um, Marion Cotillard. Oh, I love Marion Cotillard. Yeah, she really is the best. She's amazing. - So you're an actress. - EMMA: Yeah. - Yeah. Right. - I mean, I do lots of things, don't I. Music, acting, dancing. But yeah, acting's my biggie right now. Anything I'd have seen? You can probably name the most recent movies and I've been in them. - Okay. - But I'm sort of quite chameleon-esque. So It's possible you won't recognize me. DAN: Right. Okay. Yeah. I'm trying to think, my latest. What's the last film you saw? Um, Testament of Youth, which is, um - a wonderful film. Have you seen it? - Yeah, about the war? Yeah, I was in that one. - Who did you play in that? - I actually played a male soldier. Right. Why? Just 'cause I you know. Why not? - Right. Yeah. - EMMA: It's gender-ism. - And so she's playing ? - She's playing an autistic baker. You got me at autistic baker. - (DAN LAUGHS) - I mean, wow. But I would love to be involved. Cool. Yeah, well, I mean, it's kind of We've sort of finalized casting, so - That side is done. - Things change. Don't they, I mean Yeah, I mean, they can do. They can. And Marion, you just don't know if she's going to find it all too much. - At her age. - Yeah. Yeah. I mean Let's hope not. But, um Are you guys good for food? - Yeah. - Well, no. It's just, it's, um Unfortunately it's just pasta - This must be the kids' food. - which I can't eat. No, your wife seemed to think that was what we were having, but Kate! Kate! Kate! What's happening with the food? Is this ? Well, who's the pasta for? KATE: I'll be down in a minute! Shall I go and see if she needs a ? No, no, no, no. She'll be fine. - Cherry tomato? - Please. - Thank you. Thanks, Dan. - Sal? Yeah. Sure. Thanks. KATE: So, Emma, where are you from? Wow, 20 questions! (LAUGHS) Um, kind of all over the place. It's like a really eclectic upbringing. Mm. All around Europe. - Wow. - I kind of I just don't really like to talk about it, actually. - Sorry. - Is it painful? No, it's just that I've got really famous parents and I just - don't like to make a big deal out of it. - Have you? Who? Well, my dad um, is was Oh, God. It's Is Stanley Kubrick. - KATE: What? - Stanley f*cking Kubrick? No f*cking way! - Kind of adds up, right? - DAN: Wow! You didn't you didn't say that. Yeah, I mean, sort of his brother, as well, 'cause my mum was never, you know, totally sure. But, um Did he have a brother? I thought he was, like, the classic only child. No, no, no. He did. He did. Yeah, it's really sad, actually, 'cause they kept the brother just locked away. Um, they kept him down in the cellar of the house - Oh, f*ck. - with a padlock, and they - He was kind of very deformed, very big. - KATE: Oh, God. He was, like, 40 stone, even as a child. - Oh, f*ck. - I think he had, like, extra limbs and stuff. - Oh, f*ck. - sh1t. - EMMA: I know. - KATE: sh1t. They would just throw meat and dead rats under the door. - DAN: Oh, f*ck. - KATE: sh1t. EMMA: I know. I mean, my mum still slept with him. You know, Stanley was the golden boy, and, um Derek was just, um not loved. But Mum said it was a pity f*ck. - (BABY CRYING) - Oh, sh1t. - EMMA: I know, it's so sad. - KATE: Sorry. - Do you want me to go? - KATE: No. No, it's fine. Not unless you're secretly lactating. Oh, my God. You breastfeed. Yes, of course I do. Yeah. That will seriously ruin your tits. Well, I think it's bit game-over on that one. Isn't it, Dan? Hey. Tits are tits, um? (BABY SCREAMING) [SCENE_BREAK] EMMA: God bless her. Must be so hard when you've had a kid to still to even feel attractive, let alone look it. She looks so washed out. - Yeah. - Yeah. You look fine, but it must be really hard for you to sort of come home to that every night. It's pretty full-on at the moment. But we're in the bubble. We're right in the bubble. But yeah. Do you work out, or ? Yeah. I mean, I try to, yeah. What is it, Pilates, or ? Um, I do Pilates. I do rock climbing. I mean, rock climbing, that's my thing. Yeah. That's my go-to. It's like me and my parkour. - You do parkour? Wow. - Yeah. I like to go into urban areas and just jump across really high buildings. - Yeah. Yeah. - It's a big stress-buster for me. That's cool. So what is what is going on with you guys? - I mean, we're friends, really, first and foremost, aren't we? - Friends having s*x. SALLY: Are you sure Kate's all right, because I could go up there EMMA: It's always the quiet ones. Aw, you're so great. I feel like we're really connecting. Yeah, it's really good to meet you. Also, I noticed you wear cowboy boots. - Yeah. I do. - EMMA: That's amazing. DAN: Oh, wow. - EMMA: That's crazy! - DAN: Kate hates them. She's always, like, "not the f*cking cowboy boots. " - EMMA: It's like, f*ck off. - DAN: I f*cking love them. I got given them I did a movie a couple of years ago and I got given them on that, and I just can't take them off. - Same. - That's insane. This is one of the best dinners I've ever had. It really is. It's really good fun, it really is. It's great. I'm loving this. I am f*cking loving this. I really am. - Is it hot in here? Really hot. - It is hot. It is quite hot, yeah. Kate! Kate. - Kate! - KATE: What? Could you turn the thermostat down? We're baking down here. - Kate! - It's fine. KATE: Don't tell Dan. SALLY: So you like her? Yeah. She seems really Yeah, yeah, she is, I think. Yeah, she's really She's so talented. She makes these, um smoothies in the morning. With like eight different vegetables. In the beginning they made me really, really sick. But I'm vomiting a lot less now, which is great. - Really. - They make you really buzzy for about 20 minutes. And then this kind of wall of exhaustion hits, and you know, just floors me, but - You know, I feel good. - Wow. It's a purge thing. She's really into detox. You know, you've got to get all the old you out, and then replace it with vegetables. - EMMA: Hey. - Hey. - Sorry, is it okay to come in? - Come in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Wow, so this is your little secret hideout place. - Yeah. - Have a sniff around. - God, you've got so many incredible awards and stuff. Yeah, my trinkets and my baubles. (BOTH LAUGH) What's this little wooden driftwood heart? That was from the Congo. Um, and they had this incredible film festival there. They only have about a hundred people, but really good films. Really special films. - Cool. - Yeah. Is that, like, Congolese wood? - It's Congalese wood, yeah, yeah. - I love Congo. - Yeah, if you've never been, go. - Oh, I've been. - Go. - I've been. - Well, go again, you know. - Well, okay. Oh, my God. What's this? DAN: Oh, wow. My Damon hat. That was given to me by Matt Damon. - Really? - Yeah, we did a musical together called The Orangutan. It's about an orangutan who becomes a fireman. And he gave it to me on the last day. Look at this. (CHUCKLES) - Faster! Faster, Damon, faster! - (BOTH LAUGH) I mean, like, you literally were on a horse? If you met him, you'd love him. - Did you have s*x with him? - No. He's a filthy fucker, yeah. Yeah, he really is. - EMMA: I love humor. - Yeah, me, too. Big fan. I've got to ask. You've always been gay, right? No, no. I've been kind of everything, really. - DAN: Okay. - How about you? - Well, you know, I've had my fun in the sun. - Yeah? But fun's over now? - I hope not. - MOLLY: Daddy! Molly, sweetheart. Go back to bed. Come on. It's okay. Let me put her to bed. I've no need for the Hall of Radiohead. Why don't you have a little look-see at my show reel. I think you might kind of like the, um DAN: I'm liking this already. (EMMA MOANING WITH PLEASURE IN VIDEO) Night, Mobs. Ooh! Ooh! Ah! Ah! EMMA: You seriously need to go to sleep, okay, sweetheart? Got all those for later, okay? There we go. (MOANING CONTINUES ON VIDEO) sh1t. Sorry about that. - Don't apologize. - It's, um It's this Werner Herzog movie where he kept getting me to m*st*rb*t*. Wow. Nice bod. - Do you want to do some coke? - Always. Yeah. I shouldn't. I'm kind of NA, but what the f*ck? Just a little fat one. I should tell you I can sometimes get, like, - an uncontrollable chubby when I do coke. - Really? - Yeah. - Yeah, I think I can handle that. (BOTH LAUGH) So what's, like, the weirdest kind of sexual thing you've ever done? I once had a threesome where someone died. - My God. - Yeah. - What happened? - I was doing a shoot, and, um It was the boom girl and a lady from catering. She was a little bit older. And we, uh (CLEARS THROAT) went back to my trailer and we were sort of getting at it. And then the catering lady just went really, really quiet. So we were carrying on. We didn't know. We just thought she just opted out. And we realized she hadn't opted out. She'd just died. We didn't find out until the next day. She had a stroke. Wow. That's a story and a half. I live with it everyday. (SNORTS, SIGHS) I know what you mean. It kind of makes me really horny, too. Yeah. I just get an uncontrollable chubby on. EMMA: Have you got one now? - Something's brewing. - (BOTH LAUGH) EMMA: You haven't even done it yet. Wait. Give me four seconds. - Really? - Yeah. Emma; What's that? Is that your coke helmet? It's my coke helmet. (LAUGHS) - Don't make me laugh. - EMMA: Just the facts. Don't make me laugh. (LAUGHS) MOLLY: What Da-Da do? Molly, sweetheart. Go back to bed. Come on! - Come on, Molly. Daddy's - EMMA: Getting a chubby. - DAN: Huh? - (BOTH LAUGH) DAN (THROUGH DOOR): Come on. What's going on? What is going on? Just go to bed. Man, she's really hyper. Well, sorry. I gave her some crack. (BOTH LAUGH) DAN: So what I want to know is what kind of stuff do you and Sal get up to? (CHUCKLES) Mr. Chubby's woken up. (BOTH LAUGHING) - Seriously. - Go back to bed, Chubby. DAN: Wow. But, um if I got a part in your movie, I could, like, tell you so much more detail, like, in between takes on set. Ouch. And leave me with my aching chubby. Or if I got a really big part I wouldn't have to leave you with your aching chub. - Ooh. Threesome alert. - Yeah. Awooga. - And you know, no one would need to die. - (LAUGHS) - MOLLY: Daddy! - Jesus. Molly, come on! EMMA: I love this guitar. It's really amazing. Where'd you get it from? DAN: I actually found it in - So cool. - Yeah. Can't stop travelin' Can't stop travelin' No. Can't stop travelin' Travelin', travelin', travelin; DAN: Join in, Sal. Life's like a javelin Thrown and unravelin' Can't stop travelin' - Travelin', travelin', travelin' - (SALLY TRIES TO JOIN IN) Feel like a violin Play me a Oh, a travelin' Travelin', travelin', travelin' Can't stop travelin' My life's unravelin' Thrown like a javelin Travelin', travelin', travelin' - Travelin' - (SINGING OFF-KEY) - You all right? - Yeah, just tired. Un-r-r-r-r-r-ravelin' Like a j-j-j-j-j-j-javelin - T-t-t-t-t-t-travelin' - SALLY: Emma. - L-l-l-life is unravelin' - SALLY: Em. I'm thrown like a javelin' Travelin', travelin', travelin' Em? Ooh, ooh, ohh Emma. Em? What? - Sorry. We should probably go. - No. The party just started. - Come on. - DAN: Come on. Got some music. (LOUD CLUB MUSIC PLAYING) (MUSIC SLOWS) (TEMPO QUICKENS) WOMAN: I'm worried about you. (SOBBING) Can you not see how massively happy I am? I'm having the time of my life. EMMA: Dan actually said he wants me quite sort of sultry like I've just had a massive orgasm. Yeah, well, I mean, bakers do have orgasms, I'm sure. I just wondered if I could maybe have a bit of lip gloss or something. Action! I wonder if anyone will ever reach me. - To float, to fly - DIRECTOR: Okay. Cut. Sorry, what's going on with the baguette? Oh, sorry, I was just doing the traditional folk walk. It's something they do in the Pyrenees.

Sally's performance at work suffers as Emma becomes increasingly needy. When they bump into two of Sally's friends, Emma develops an unhealthy interest in one.

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_04x05

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_04x05_0

Ted and Stella joined the others at McClaren's. Ted: Hi. Lily: Hi. How are you? Stella (taking the glass of Barney): I'll just finish this. Ted: It was just dinner with her sister Stella and her boyfriend.They married before us. Stella: You know, you dream of the perfect wedding since you been little girl. Lily: Yeah. Marshall: Bluntly. Stella: My sister steals my dream wedding. So every little detail on Shelter Island, the sun managed to sleep... Flashback Stella and Ted are the restaurant's sister Stella and her boyfriend. Sister Stella:... near the beach in the old family home. This is my dream wedding. Stella (Ted taking the glass): I'll finish it. Ted: It seems that the lamb is great here. Nora: I'm vegan. I wish I could silence that voice in me that says eating animals is murder, but I guess I'm not as strong as you. Ted: Did you need protein. I take the lamb. End flashback Ted: New objective: Our marriage is to kick the ass of hers.Our marriage is to take the head of his, press it down the toilet and flush 20 times. Lily: Ted, in high school, his marriage was you, right? Stella: You know, she always wants to overtake. I like it, but there is a part of me that would like it all falls apart. Stella is the restaurant with his sister and Ted. Nora: I hate it! I hate him. God, this steak is good. 4 days before and he fled with a consultant from Whole Foods? I do my make-up more for him. I do not shower more for him. I shave armpits more for him. Ted: Hard to know where is the problem. Nora: Now, so close to the wedding... Got some bacon or something in the sauce. I love it. I would not be refunded. I will lose thousands of dollars. Ted (2030): Children in a relationship, you develop as a telepathy with your partner. Stella: You think about what? It might help. Ted: No, Stella, it should help. Pay for dinner. Do not worry.Taking Charge. Stella: It's true. Recovering your marriage, we reimburse you all that you paid for. Ted and I are getting married Sunday. GENERIC Ted: We get married on Sunday? It is sure to be ready for this? Stella: I've wasted years waiting for the father of Lucy decides to be "ready" for it, but it has ever been. That's why we had never married. Come on, must be spontaneous, I dreamed that Tony is spontaneous like that. Ted: I'm leaving. And I'm also... spontaneous. (He throws a glass of water on his face) I would not have done that. Ted (2030): Children, morality often happens at the end of the story, but this one is too important, I will say now: Never, never, invite ex to your wedding. If I was given this advice, it would have changed everything. Ted, Barney, Marshall and Lily are at the bar. Ted phone. Ted: We need you to come, this is my marriage. Robin: I can not. I am in Tokyo. This is my first week. I can not leave like this. In addition, I am finally serious information. Ted (2030): Robin was serious information. Flashback A man brings a fan on the set of information. Ted (2030): It was the first English news channel in Japan. Of course, the info was a little different there. Robin: The board of the Fed voted not to change the... rates. End flashback Ted: This is my marriage. You gotta be there. Robin: OK, I'll be there. I gotta go. Good evening. And I'm Robin Scherbatsky. The talks have been arrested in the Middle East. Despite a promising start in the final negotiations, the talks foundered on security. Ted: It is. Barney: Okay, burial of bachelorhood. Tonight, I have three exotic dancers most flexible physically and mentally that you've ever seen... Ted: No time. Barney: I'll tell you. Marshall and Ted leaves the bar. Ted: Do we really have to rent the cars for tomorrow. Barney: What? Lily: No "You not married, Ted?" No "You're making a big mistake, Ted?" Have you stopped the fight against marriage? Barney: No, I recognize a lost cause, when I see it. That's why I'm not recycle. In addition, Ted getting married, it is my interest. You know... Flashback Barney is in his office. Barney: I worked on an issue of utmost importance. I admit I was baffled. Until I decided to take the bull by the horns.(Barney written on a board: how to lie down again with Robin) Then, finally, I décryptais code. "GIVE THE MARRIAGE OF TED. " End flashback Lily: So you come back to Robin. Barney: Let's hope. This weekend is my best chance to start with it. Lily: You'll never there. Too many opportunities. The first bridesmaid drunk, you'll have your head under the dress as a photographer of yesteryear. Barney: Lily, kidding. I want to look cutesy and romantic, but this weekend, Robin will be the only girl that I will draw. Stella and Ted are on a boat. Ted (2030): And the day before the wedding, Stella and I made the trip to Shelter Island. With others not far away. Marshall, Lily and Barney are also on board. Marshall, Lily and Barney are in a bar. Lily: It's not really the place I imagined for the wedding of Ted. Barney: "The Collective Namaste Yoga and Meditation." Marshall: I know about you, but I will not namaster here too long. Lily: Honey, will see the dirty hippie to the reservation there, we, we'll take to drink. Barney: You have anything like Scotch? Bartender: In the center, we have a strict anti-alcohol. Marshall: Super, meals included, right? Woman: Yes, and they are all 100% vegan. Barney: I need alcohol. I'm not gonna do that stuff with Robin.Look at that. Berry cocktail, conditioner meninges. I dream, these drinks could make a girl smarter. What hell Ted brought us? Marshall: There's no meat. Lily: There's no alcohol. Marshall: Even worse, I'm 90% sure that this kind in which you spoke was the lead singer of Spin Doctors. Ted joined them. Ted: Guys, Stella and I have a little problem. Flashback Stella is sitting on the bed and watch the programs, while Ted packs his things. Stella: The programs are great. It is not our names on it, but otherwise it looks nice. Ted: Actually, I spoke to Robin. It is a little late, but it will be there on time. Stella: You're invited Robin? Ted: Yes, of course. Stella: You gave me no warning. I'm not sure what to think. Ted: Can I help you? Are you happy. You like him. Stella: Yes, but it's your ex girlfriend. It's weird. Ted: But no. Stella: It's weird. Not what you imagine is to see her boyfriend's ex marriage. Stella imagine the scene. Robin: Your new husband dismounted me out three times a day. Stella: When the former are present, I dunno, it brings back...things unresolved. Close with your ex, do you know that the flame will not turn back? Ted: Come on, we're friends. In addition, we already had our Thanksgiving last relapse, it is not old. Stella: Have you bet money against you in this quarrel? Ted: She already has his ticket. Stella: It's important to me. I would have never invited the father of Lucy. Ted: It would not bother me. Tony is great. Invite him too. Stella: No, Tony is the last person I want to see here, OK? And Robin is the penultimate. Flashback Ted: Robin will soon get on the plane. In addition, it unleashed a lot of work for that. Robin has the information, while a monkey sits next to her and slap on the desktop. Robin: Driven by concerns about the environment and oil prices, sales of hybrid vehicles rose 11% over last year. Back to the place of marriage of Ted and Stella. Ted: What should I do? Marshall: I know. I understand something is "no ex". Why would we want that history failed to come see one successful?It's like inviting the Seattle Mariners World Series. It's embarrassing for everyone. Barney: What? No. Robin must come. Ted: That's true, this is my best friend. Girl friend. My best friend girl. Lily: I do not care, why do such. Barney: Dude, Robin has to be there. Marshall: It should not come. Barney: What are you parl... Ted: Aldrin Justice, the last word. Lily: OK, this would be weird without Robin. But not contradict the bride. Ted: I will not tell him to come. Marshall: It's the right decision. Ted: It's gonna be the worst phone call of all time. Barney: Co-witness, I'll handle this. Robin picks up the telephone. Robin: Hello? Barney: Robin, where are you? Robin: I'm off to the airport. Barney: OK, in a few hours. Have a good flight. Bad news. I can not have it. Robin is gone. Ted: OK, Robin arrives. You know, I'm fine. The former should be able to go to weddings. I'll tell Stella to do with. Lily: You should be more delicate with Stella about Robin. Ted: What do you mean by "delicate"? Lily: The brides are very stressed before a wedding. Well, of course, I was under control. Marshall: Do not you remember? Flashback In 2006, Lily arrives at the apartment in tears. Lily: The florist told me that roses are medium pink pale pink that means. Medium pink pale! All're done. Our wedding hall uses a boiler instead of a forced air heating. This is the thing that concerned me. Why are we still married? End flashback Marshall: After a while, is that the waffle. Lily: Poor Stella must be the crazy one month in three days. Ted: What do I do? Lily: You wait for the next crisis, the rules you, you're a hero.After, you dealt with on about Robin, but this time she will say yes. Ted: And if there is no other crises? Lily: This is a bride. There will be another crisis. Four minutes later... Ted: There is a new crisis. Lily: Great! What is it? Flashback Stella and Ted are in their rooms. Stella: My daughter, my daughter does not come to our wedding. Ted: What? Stella: Tony was the lead here tomorrow, but cash hurt my marriage, and he will not take him. It's been 5 years. Why not turn the page? End flashback Ted: So, first thing tomorrow I'm going to talk to him, convince him to let me take Lucy, then boom, crisis solved. Stella is happy. Robin comes to marriage. Nora: You are Barney? Barney: Yes. Nora: I heard you were a real b*st*rd, so listen. Tomorrow night, I want to do things so nasty and depraved that I forget that it was supposed to be my wedding. Barney: I'm here with someone. Nora: Bring her. Lily: You'll never get there. [SCENE_BREAK] Ted is by car. Ted (2030): So the morning of my wedding, I made the way home Tony, to take Lucy. Ted hits Chez Tony. Ted: We did a little karate? Tony makes a decision. Tony: Sorry, sorry dude. You have my alarm activated defense. You must remember these things. Stay alert, rest life. Ted: OK. Tony: What brings you here? I thought you'd be in a bridal suite with my wife. Ted: Not yet. Soon. Tony: That's right, tonight is the big night. Oh, man, you gonna make love to the mother of my daughter. Ted: Actually, I've already had s*x many times. Why I always corrects people? Tony: You and Stella. You're lucky. I could just... I am very happy for you. Ted: Look, here's the thing... Tony: You can not take it. Ted: Tony, stop. It is also a great day for Lucy. You'll have to put your problems aside and think about what is best for her.Whether you like it or not, it really should be the wedding of his mother. I take Lucy with me. He shakes Ted in his arms. Tony: You're right, man. You're right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just... You see all... made me realize what I had. Ted: Let's cuddle. Tony: I'm sorry. Lucy is everything to me. I will lose it with this family, I am not one. Ted: But you're part of. Tony: I have not been invited to the wedding. Ted: You are now. Ted is in a car with Tony and Lucy. Tony: "Road Trip" OK? (They are on a boat) "Road Trip 2, back in the car." Stella's sister comes to see Barney. Nora: This is the big day. You hydrate? Barney: Dear wife, thank you for the interest you have for Barney Stinson... Nora: Your back will look like a Jackson Pollock. Barney: I regret to inform you that at this time... Nora: I have been vegan for 2 years. I need meat. Barney: There are currently no positions available. Nora: I am a teacher of Yoga. All positions are possible. Your room in 20 minutes. No preliminary. Barney: I will not do, huh? Lily: No chance. Ted, Lucy and Tnny arrive. Ted: Let me talk to Stella first. Lucy: Mom! Ted invited Dad! Stella: Hi, my heart. You've missed. Just one second, OK?Tony invited you? At our wedding? This was discussed. No ex at our wedding. Why did you do that? Robin comes up behind Ted. Robin: What did Ted this time? Ted and Stella are isolated in their room to talk. Stella: What does Robin here? I thought I was clear. No ex at our wedding. Ted: To be fair... your ex is here. Stella: You've invited! Ted: Come on, it's not weird. Stella: It's weird. It is as if it was not over between you. Tony and... I can not look after him. Will you tell him to leave? You can say it's my fault. I'll talk to Robin, she knows it's not personal. Ted (2030): The children, if I had left Stella talking to Robin, this story would have ended differently. Stella speaks with Robin. Robin: I understand. Ted talks to Tony. Tony: I get it. Man: For the first time, Ted and Stella Mosby. In 2030... Ted (2030): And now, how I met your mother. Stella: Your father has finally finished drooling? Who wants ice cream? Ted (2030): But I have not done. Ted: You can talk to Tony? Robin made the trip from Tokyo. I should talk to him. Stella: Of course. Ted goes to talk to Robin. Ted: Sorry to have run away like that. Robin: It's OK. Can you imagine not traveling I did. I was on a plane, a whole day. But it was worth it to see you get married.How I would have missed it... Ted: You can not come to the wedding. Robin: thank you God! Ted: What? Robin: It's weird. Ted: It's not weird. Robin: It's weird. You know how it feels to be one of the former married? Robin imagine the scene. Stella: Take that, bitch! I won! Ted: It was broken, there is more than a year. Robin: Yes, but it's not that long ago. See you marry another woman is not really something I look forward to. I just thought if I changed my mind about marriage and children, it was nice knowing you were there. Ted: So, I was your backup plan. It's flattering. Robin: That's not it. It's just... Ted: Why do you mention that? There was nothing between us. Robin: Maybe so. I mean, of course it does. The kind of thing that leaves no one fell swoop. I'm not a guest over. Ted: It's true. We went out together, but... we have moved on.And we got what we wanted. I marry, You have the job of your dreams in Tokyo. And they lived happily... Robin: I quit my job. Ted: You what? Robin: I return to New York. I thought I wanted this job, but...Getting back to my real life. And you should go back to yours. Ted: What does that mean? Robin: You married. Listen, this is precipitated. It's as if you started a book by the end. You are the most romantic. You stole a blue horn for me. You tried to make rain. Ted: I did the rain. Robin: It was a coincidence. After all this is how your romantic quest comes to an end? You hide in the wedding of another in his house in his life, without thinking twice. This is not the end spectacular than you deserve. It's not Ted Mosby. Ted: I love Stella. This is good. If you feel it all... I think it is good that you come to the marriage. Bartender: Big fight? Robin: Yes. Barman: There you go. It is for me. Robin: You stop it. (Robin drinks the glass of a sudden) My God, so, stop. Robin knocks on a bedroom door. Barney opens half naked. Robin: I spend a very bad day. I've stolen scotch at the duty free. It tells you? Barney: Let's go to your room. Far from it. And can be the whistle. Robin: I have no room. In fact, I thought I could stay with you. Barney: No problem. I just need to tidy up a little. Of clothes on the floor and... Robin: And a girl naked, tied to your bed. Barney: The towels in the bathroom, a real mess. So, give me 10 minutes... to restore order... Robin: In addition, Barney. Robin takes his suitcase and leaves. Nora arrives at that time. Nora: OK, let's go. Who's that? Barney: The girl on reception. Ted (2030): Children, sometimes you think you live a story, but the truth turns out to be quite different. (Robin is on board a boat, Ted is in his room and read a map and Stella is also on board) In those days, I thought it covered only the presence of Robin marriage. (Stella Tony covers his coat) If only I had understood what it was about. Flashback Ted and Stella discuss. Stella: Have his former close... it reveals unresolved problems. End flashback Lily and Ted joined Marshall in the room. Flashback Stella: With your ex not far, which tells you that the flame will not turn back? End flashback Barney joined them in turn. Flashback Stella: It's as if it was not over between you. Ted and Stella are in the restaurant. Stella: I've wasted years waiting for the father of Lucy decides to be "ready" for it. Tony is in the arms of Ted. Tony: You see all... made me realize what I had. Back at the restaurant... Stella: I dreamed that Tony is spontaneous like that. End flashback Ted (2030): Seriously, kids, do not invite your ex to your wedding.

Ted and Stella make the decision to get married in three days. But, when the day comes it turns out to not be all they had imagined because of the presence of their exes.

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_02x12

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_02x12_0

[The woods] (Jules wakes up. She's naked. She gets up, walks and finds bodies mutilated. She dresses up with some of the camper's clothes and puts the limbs together so she can make a fire. She's starting the fire when a policeman arrives. He gets out of his car and come towards her. She pretends to be crying) Policeman: good morning. Is everything alright here? Jules: It was an animal. Fragment (consider revising) He came at us at the night Policeman: Are you okay? Jules: Yes but my friends! They're all dead Policeman: I'm calling item (He goes towards his car but Jules hits him really hard with a wooden stick two times. She kills him) [Salvatore's house] (Elena enters Stefan's bedroom) Elena: Stefan? Stefan? You're standing right behind me, aren't you? Stefan: Yep (She turns herself and kisses him) Stefan: Good morning Elena: I don't want us to be apart anymore. Never Stefan: Me neither, but... Elena: Don't ruin the moment (They kiss again but Stefan stops) Elena: You're about to ruin the moment, aren't you? Stefan: I'm totally ruining the moment. Look, I can't just pretend like everything is okay Elena: Katherine's locked away in the tomb Stefan: I know but we've still this pressing little issue of you being Klaus' human sacrifice (She opens one of Stefan's drawer and takes a foil with vervain and opens it) Elena: Yeah but Elijah promised to keep me and everyone else safe as long as we'd play by his rules Stefan: Right. As long as you'll play by his rules (She puts the vervain in a glass) Elena: Please don't go after Isobel Stefan: Katherine said Isobel could have some answers and I just have a couple questions, that's all (She pours water in the glass with the vervain in it. She drinks) Elena: Stefan, I made a deal with Elijah Stefan: Right, you made a deal with him. I didn't make one. You should keep your deal Elena: Stefan, I don't want anyone else to get hurt Stefan: When have I ever wanted somebody to get hurt? (She shows him the glass) Elena: Vervain. I made it late but are you sure? Just because Katherine build up a tolerance... Stefan: Yes, bottoms up (He takes the glass and drinks but he coughs) Elena: Are you okay? Stefan: Yeah Elena: How can Elijah compel another vampire? Stefan: He's an original. I don't really know what that means. I don't think anybody really knows what that means. Well, except maybe Isobel. I'll maybe we should ask her (He kisses her and leaves) (Rose is in the library, she seems sick. Damon rejoins her) Rose: I was born in 1450, that makes me 560 years old Damon: Well, if you were a bottle of wine... Rose: So I can die. I've lived long enough Damon: You know, if you're gonna be morn, I'm just gonna kill you myself just to put me out of your misery. (He pours blood in a glass) Damon: Come on, it's just a little werewolf bite Rose: Just a lethal, fatal to a vampire werewolf bite Damon: Well, according to a legend which is notoriously unreliable source. Drink out (He gives her the glass of blood) Damon: Blood heals (She drinks) Rose: Yeah, it does feel like it's working Damon: Let's have a look, come on. Let me see (he looks at the wounds but it's kind of infected and worse) Rose: How is it? Damon: Definitely better. Right, Elena? (Elena is in the room and seems chocked by Rose's wounds. Rose looks at her) Elena: Uh, it's not bad. Damon: Where's Stefan? Elena: He left. I need you to talk to him. He's convinced that he has to find Isobel but I think that's gonna upset Elijah Damon: No, can't do. I'm with Stefan on this one but if you could play nurse for a little while... Rose: It's not necessary Damon: It is necessary. Elena is a do-gooder. It's in her nature, she just can't resist (He leaves the room. Elena looks at Rose and rejoins him) Elena: Damon. Is she gonna die? Damon: Probably. The wolf bite caused some kind of infection and it's getting worse Elena: Like poison? Damon: I don't know, Elena. I'm not an expert in the field Elena: I'm sorry Damon: Death happens. We come, we go. Sooner she dies will better. It's gloomy as hell in here [Mystic Falls' high school] (Everyone is preparing the booster club barbecue. Caroline rejoins Tyler) Caroline: How are you feeling? Tyler: I'm okay. I'm sore, every muscle hakes Caroline: You did it. You know, you... your first full moon and you didn't hurt anyone. It'll get easier. You'll get better at it, you'll learn how to control it and it won't hurt so much Tyler: Well, we don't know any of that for sure Caroline: No but small victories, Tyler. Last night was a victory. You know, let's take it Tyler: Look, I really want to thank you. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been there (She smiles) Caroline: Yeah, anyway, uh... next month we should probably reinforce the wall because you almost got me that one time and it just would have been, uh... Tyler: What? Caroline: Never mind, it's... Tyler: Hey, no, hey. What is it? Caroline: Well, it's not a big thing, it's just that one bites and it's... you know, curtains for me Tyler: What are you talking about? Caroline: The legend says that a bite from a werewolf can kill a vampire Tyler: How do you know that? Caroline: I... read it somewhere... (Matt rejoins them) Matt: Caroline, you got a second? Tyler: Hey, Matt Caroline: Yeah, sure Tyler: I'll see you guys later (He leaves so they can be alone) Caroline: That was nothing, okay? There is nothing going on between Tyler and I, we were just talking... Matt: I believe you. Look, Caroline, you're a lot a things but you're not a liar. You've always been strait with me, I believe you Caroline: Well, good Matt: And that's why I want to be strait with you because I... I think we have some wires crossed here Caroline: Oh, okay Matt: And you know how tauter I get and I don't like this. Whatever this is that's going on between us and I... I just want to... (He kisses her ) Caroline: Hey, you can't Matt: Why? Caroline: That's just... Matt: But Carrie... Caroline: No Matt, okay? (She leaves) [Mystic Grill] (Jules rejoins Sheriff Forbes at the bar) Jules: Sheriff Forbes, hi. I'm Mason Lockwood's friend from Florida Sheriff: Jules, right? Jules: Is there any news? Sheriff: No one's heard from him. I've opened an investigation. As soon as I hear anything I let you know (Alaric is looking at them. He calls Damon) Alaric: Hey, Damon. The wolf is at the grill (She sits down at a table. Stefan rejoins him) Stefan: Is it the....? Alaric: Yeah, yeah. I just left Damon a message Stefan: So you're doing his dirty work for him now Alaric: She could have a cure for Rose. I couldn't find anything in Isobel's research except that it's fatal Stefan: Do you still have a way to get in touch wit Isobel? Alaric: Even if I did, she isn't gonna help Stefan: Katherine said that Isobel knew of Klaus Alaric: So this isn't about Rose, it's about Elena. I have an old number, probably out of service Stefan: No harm in giving it to me then? Alaric: You know you can't trust Isobel, even when it comes to Elena Stefan: I know that Alaric: Alright. I'm gonna see if I can find the number. If I do, I'll text it to you (He leaves) [Salvatore's house] (Rose and Elena are in Damon's bedroom. Elena puts her in the bed) Rose: I hate this. I'm a vampire, I've never had a cold in five centuries Elena: Just get in the bed Rose: We don't get sick. When we die, it's fast and sudden and it's certainly not drawn out in illness Elena: You're not gonna die Rose: It's such a human thing to say (Elena looks around her) Rose: You've never been in Damon's room before, have you? (She takes a book and looks at it. Its ''Gone with the wind'') Rose: Not what you expected? Elena: It's just a room with a bed. Maybe I expected them to be silk sheets (They smile) Rose: You're lucky, you know. No one's ever love me the way you're loved Elena: I doubt that Rose: Trevor was my best friend. Nothing more. I spent all this years on the run from Elijah. I just never thought it was a good idea to set up roots. The whole idea of family is not exactly compatible with being a vampire. Why are you so eager to give up? Elena: I'm not giving up on anything (She gives her a glass of blood) Rose: What do you call this all deal with Elijah? Elena: I call it my best option Rose: It's the easiest option Elena: That's not fair Rose: Do you really think that your witch friend destroyed the moonstone? Elena: I spoke with Bonnie. I know that she had the help of another witch; unless you mean it's Elijah's witch so no, I don't Rose: You really are determined to die, aren't you? At least I ran, you're not even trying (She closes her eyes) Rose: I'm so tired (Elena is leaving but Rose is talking in her sleep) Rose: No, stop, wait. Tell them to prepare the horses Elena: It's okay Rose. Just get some sleep. You'll feel better when you'll wake up Rose: Trevor, don't be so stupid. You'll never going to make it there before the sun (Suddenly she sits down. She's in pain) Rose: Elena, Elena, I need more blood Elena: Yeah, of course, here (she gives her the glass of blood. Rose drinks but threw everything up) Elena: It's okay, everything's gonna be alright (She rushes to the bathroom. When Elena comes back, Rose's not here anymore. When she turns herself, Rose is here and pushes her hardly against the wall) Rose: Everything's your fault, Katerina. You Katerina, you did this Elena: No Rose, I'm Elena Rose: You betrayed us! Elena: I'm not Katherine! (Rose releases her) Rose: Elena? Elena: It's me, it's Elena Rose: Oh my god Elena. I'm so sorry. I don't know what's happening to me. I'm sorry Elena: You're gonna be alright Rose: My mind, I'm... Elena: It was just for a second Rose: I'm sorry, don't be scared of me Elena: I'm not. I'm not but you need to rest (Rose lays on the bed) Rose: I'm scared Elena: You're not alone. I'm right here Rose: Here, where's here? Elena: Damon's bedroom, you're in Damon's bedroom Rose: I want to go home Elena: Tell me about it Rose: St.Austell, 30 kilometers of the south of London. With fields and trees and horses Elena: Sounds beautiful Rose: When you live long enough, everything disappears. So much time wasted, I just wish I wouldn't have been so afraid [Mystic grill] (Jules is eating. Stefan's looking at her. He looks at his phone, Alaric's texted him the number. He calls but no one answers. He leaves a message.) Stefan: Isobel, it's Stefan Salvatore. I need to speak with you, it's about Elena. Please know that it's important (He hangs up and sees Damon. He sees Jules and goes toward her but Stefan stops him) Damon: What are you doing here? Stefan: I was waiting for you. Listen, there's a lot of people here Damon: Oh, damn. My plan was to rip her spleen through her back Stefan: Hey, listen, I know you're upset about Rose Damon: Why does everyone think that I'm upset about Rose? I'm fine. I don't know if you know this but sometimes, vampires die. I'm gonna have a friendly chat with lady wolf, brother. Ease up (He rejoins Jules. The number Stefan's called is calling. He answers and leaves) Jules: Well, if he doesn't the one I meant to kill...I'll have to get that right next time Damon: You won't leave to see another full moon unless... unless you tell me how to cure a wolf bite and then I won't kill you Jules: Promise? Damon: Yes Jules: Bite me (She gets up but Damon catches her arm) Jules: I'm not afraid of you Damon: Then you are very, very stupid Jules: How's your friend? Rose, is that her name? have the chills started? The unbearable pain? Damon: If there's a cure, tell me or start watching your back Jules: Did I mention the dementia? It'll eat away her brain. Soon she'll be rabid. You want a cure? I'll tell you the only cure that exists: take a stake and drive it through her heart (She leaves) [Salvatore's house] (Elena enters Damon's bedroom with new sheets) Elena: I brought some clean sheets (Rose is not here. Elena leaves the room to see where she is. She enters the library and calls Damon) Elena: It's Elena, I'm worried about Rose. I think you should come home (She hears a noise and go towards it. She finds Rose drinking blood from a bag. There's a lot of empty blood bags around her) Elena: Oh my god Rose: Katerina Elena: No (Rose goes after her. Elena runs) Elena: Rose, stop, stop, it's Elena. I'm not Katherine (Rose stops) Elena: You're hallucinating. I'm not Katherine (Rose catches her and pushes her on the floor. Elena opens the curtain. Rose is hurt by the sun so Elena runs. She tries to gets out of the house but Rose stops her and tries to bites her but Elena catches her wounds. Rose screams and Elena runs. She goes in Stefan's bedroom, locks the door and puts a furniture behind it. She opens the window so the sun can enter the room and breaks a wooden chair to make a stake. Rose tries to open the door) Rose: Elena? I know that's you and not Katerina. Elena, please, I need your help [Mystic Falls' high school] (Caroline is in a corridor. Matt rejoins her) Matt: Caroline. Why? Caroline: Why what? Matt: I kissed you Caroline: I know, I was there Matt: So why did you run away? Caroline: You got me off guard Matt: Yeah? Caroline: What did you except me to do? Matt: Not that Caroline: Well, I'm sorry Matt: And...? Caroline: And what? What do you want me to say, Matt? Matt: Something, anything. How did you feel? Anything in the roam of truth right now would be nice Caroline: Okay, I feel... like I.... I love you Matt: I love you then what's the problem? What are you keeping from me, Carrie? Look, if you love, you'll tell me so what is it? (She doesn't say anything. A cheerleader arrives) Dana: Hey Matt, we need more burgers Matt: Yeah, not now Dana (When he turns himself to talk to Caroline, she's not here) [SCENE_BREAK] [Salvatore's house] (It's night. Elena doesn't hear anything so she leaves the room and goes downstairs. The main door is opened. She turns herself and sees Damon. She still have the stake in her hand.) Damon: Are you okay? Where's Rose? Elena: I don't know [Mystic Falls' high school] (Rose is here, in the parking lot. A man is here and sees her) Man: Excuse me, are you okay? (He comes closer. She bites him and drinks her blood. He falls on the floor, he's dead.) (Damon rejoins the sheriff. The police's found the body) Damon: Hey Sheriff: Thanks for coming so quickly Damon: No, I was close by Liz, what happened? Sheriff: A vampire. Luckily one of my deputies discovered the body before anyone else saw him Damon: You have to secure the area then Sheriff: I take the east side of the school, you go west? Damon: Sure, okay (Elena Is here too. She leaves a message to Stefan) Elena: Hey, Stefan, it's me. I don't know where you are but please call me. It's important (Damon rejoins her) Elena: Hey. Have you heard from him? Do you know what he's up to? Damon: My baby brother is not exactly my priority right now. Take this (He gives her a stake) Damon: Come on, let's go (They leave) (Two students are going to their car) Boy: Hey, what was going on back there with the police? Girl: Some maintenance man had a hard attack. He was drop dead (she goes into the car and waits for her boyfriend but he doesn't arrive) Girl: Eddie? (His body falls on the car. The girl screams. She goes out of the car but Rose is here and bites her. Damon arrives) Damon: Rose, stop! (She rushes toward him but he catches her and puts her on the floor) Damon: Rose, Rose! It's me, it's Damon (her face is normal again. She looks at The girl's body) Rose: Did I do this? I never meant to heart anyone. I never wanted to hurt anyone Damon: I know (She looks at Elena) Rose: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Damon: Come on, let's get you home Rose: no, I don't have a home, I didn't had a home in so long (She cries) Rose: Oh make it stop, please make it stop! (He takes her in his arms and they leave) [Salvatore's house] (Rose and Damon are in his bedroom. She's in the bed) Damon: Hi there Rose: I'm sorry Damon: You went on a murder drop age. It happens (Elena enters the room) Rose: I'm sorry, Elena. I don't like taking human lives, I never have Damon: You shouldn't be here Rose: It's the worst part about it: the hunt, the need to kill, the thirst, the pleasure it brings you afterwards. I wasn't meant to be evil. It hurts Damon: Stop talking about it Rose: Damon's a lot like me. He wants to care but when he does he runs away from it. I'm sorry for what I've done today Elena: I know Rose: And you need to fight. I know you're scared but you have to do it anyway (She coughs. Elena comes closer and puts her arm under her neck) Rose: Why are you so nice to me? Elena: Us humans Rose: You can't never forget it, what it's like to be human. It haunts me. It's the only thing that keeps me going. It doesn't hurt much anymore (Suddenly she's hurt and screams) Elena: What do we do? Damon: Go Elena: Damon... Damon: Just go, I got this (She leaves. Damon goes in the bed with Rose and takes her in hi arms) Rose: Oh god! Make it stop, make it stop! I can't take it anymore, make it stop! [Caroline's house] (Tyler is waiting for Caroline. She arrives) Tyler: Hey. Where have you been? Caroline: At school. What's up? What's going on? Tyler: We need to talk Caroline: Why? What's wrong with you? Tyler: I just don't understand one thing Caroline: What? Tyler: Why would you risk it? If a werewolf bite kills a vampire... why would you risk it? Caroline: Because you needed help Tyler: I could have killed you Caroline: But you didn't Tyler: I don't understand you, Caroline Caroline: Why is it so hard for you to let someone else help you? Tyler: That's not it Caroline: Yes it is, Tyler. It's like you don't want anyone to care about you and I'm sorry I cared. I care Tyler so forgive me if I overstepped my boundaries by actually giving in (He kisses her) Caroline: You can't do that Tyler: I'm sorry, it's... Caroline: Everyone just need to stop kissing me! (She goes inside and shot the door) [Salvatore's house] (Damon is still with Rose) Rose: Who would have thought you'd be nice? Damon: I'm not nice. I'm mean. I like it Rose: You're lying Damon: Shut, shut, just sleep. Just sleep [Rose's dream] (Rose is in a dress, her hair are long. There are horses. She runs and sits down next to Damon) Rose: This was my favorite place to comes ago. How did you know? Damon: Word gets around. You told Elena Rose: Am I dreaming? (She closes are eyes and breath) Rose: The sun is so warm. I miss this. I miss being human Damon: Humanity is not all cranked off to be Rose: I had friends, I had a family, I mattered Damon: You still do Rose: no but you do. You built a life whether you want to admit it or not. I spent 500 years just existing Damon: You didn't have a choice, you were running from Klaus Rose: There's always a choice Damon: You know, you're ruining our perfect day with your strange philosophical babbling (She embraces him) Rose: I'd like to enjoy the fresh air. Would you enjoy it with me? Damon: For a while Rose: Thank you Damon: For what? Rose: The pain's gone Damon: I'm glad Rose: Will I see them again? My family? Damon: I think you'll see whoever you want to see Rose: That would be nice. Maybe I'll see Trevor too. I'm not afraid anymore (She gets up) Rose: I'll race you to the trees Damon: Well, you'll lose Rose: I'm older and faster Damon: Oh, you think? (He gets up) Damon: Well, I'm compelling this dream. Maybe I'll cheat Rose: On the count of three. One, two, three [Salvatore's house] (Damon takes a stake and drive it through her heart. He cries. Rose's dead) [Middle of nowhere] (Sheriff Forbes rejoins Damon. He opens his trunk) Damon: Here's your vampire (Rose is in the trunk. The sheriff is surprised) Sheriff: How did you find her? Damon: It doesn't matter. What matters is that it's over Sheriff: Thank you Damon. Once again, you've help keep this town safe Damon: I'll take care of burying the body (He closes the trunk) [Mystic Grill] (Tyler rejoins Jules) Jules: Thank you for coming Tyler: So what do you want from me? Jules: Just to be your friend. Mason would have wanted that. I know about Mason and you Tyler: You know what? Jules: I know you're a werewolf and I know your little friend Caroline is a vampire Tyler: How do you know about Caroline? Jules: You can't sniff them out? (He doesn't answer) Jules: Oh my god. You're brand new. How many times have you turned? (he doesn't answer) Jules: Hey, I can help you Tyler: Do you know where Mason is? Jules: He's dead, Tyler. He was murdered Tyler: No Jules: You want to know who murdered him? Tyler: Just stop Jules: Your little blond vampire did Tyler: No, Caroline would never do this Jules: She and her little vampires friends were behind it, Tyler Tyler: Caroline is the only vampire in town Jules: Is that what she told you? She lied, this town is crawling with vampires but don't worry, we'll get them Tyler: Who are you? Jules: I'm your friend. There are others like us and they're on their way [Salvatore's house] (Damon arrives. Elena's here) Damon: You were supposed to leave Elena: I did but then I came back to make sure that you're okay (She gives him a glass of scotch) Damon: I appreciate the gesture. I'm just glad it's over (He drinks) Elena: You know I don't believe that Damon: Go home, Elena. Get some rest. It's a whole new day tomorrow Elena: Damon, I'm you're friend Damon: I'm well aware of that Elena: And a friend usually knows when her friend is hurting Damon: What do you want to hear? That I cared about Rose? That I'm upset? Well I didn't and I'm not Elena: There you go, pretending to turn it off, pretending not to feel. Damon, you're so close, don't give up Damon: I feel Elena, okay? And it sucks! What sucks even more is that it was supposed to be me. Jules was coming after me Elena: You feel guilty Damon: That would be human of me, wouldn't Elena? And I'm not human. You want to talk about giving up? All you've done is give up! Go home. It's been enough doom, gloom and personnel growth for one night Elena: Okay, I will (She embraces him) Elena: Good night Damon (She leaves) [Gilbert's house] (Elena arrives. Stefan's here) Elena: Stefan, you're home Stefan: Rose? I... I called Isobel Elena: I know Stefan: I'm sorry, I had to Elena: It's okay. Did you find her Uncle John: Not exactly. Hello Elena Elena: Uncle John [The road] (A girl is driving but she stops because a man is laying on the road. She gets out and rushes over him. It's Damon) Jessica: Sir, are you okay? What happened? Damon: I'm... lost Jessica: And you're laying in the middle of the road? Damon: Not that kind of lost (He sits down) Damon: Metaphorically, existentially Jessica: Do you need help? Damon: Well, yes I do. Can you help me? (He takes a bottle from his pocket and drinks) Jessica: You're drunk Damon: No. Well, yes a little maybe (She starts to leave) Damon: No please don't leave. I really do need help (He rushes over her and compels her) Damon: Don't move Jessica: I don't want ant trouble Damon: Neither do I but it's al I got: trouble Jessica: Why can't I move? Damon: What's your name? Jessica: Jessica Damon: Hi Jessica. I have a secret, I have a big one but I never said it out load. I mean, what's the point? It's not gonna change anything, it's not gonna make me good, made me an adopted puppy. I can't be what other people want me to be, what she wants me to be. This is who I am, Jessica. Jessica: Are you gonna hurt me? Damon: I'm not sure because you are my existential crisis. Do I kill you or do I not kill you? Jessica: Please don't Damon: But I have to, Jessica because I'm not human and I miss it. I miss it more than anything in the world! That is m secret but there is only so much hurt a man can take Jessica: Please, don't (He cries) Damon: You're free to go (She runs to her car but Damon rushes over her and bites her. She's dead)

Stefan tries to contact Isobel and gets in touch with John Gilbert, who comes home. While Damon tries to get Jules to tell him how to cure the werewolf bite, he asks Elena to keep an eye on Rose, who becomes delirious and mistakes her for Katherine. Caroline and Matt confess their love for each other. Tyler's reaction to Caroline's generosity surprises her. Rose escapes from the Salvatore house and goes on a killing spree. Damon finds her and brings her back to the Salvatore's house, he then stakes her, while giving her a peaceful death by giving her a dream about her old home. He confesses to a stranger that he misses being human. He lets her go, but bites her soon after. Jules informs Tyler that she knows that he and Mason are werewolves. She tells him that more werewolves are coming.

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_02x09

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_02x09_0

-[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (Hook, wearing a cloak to disguise himself, walks up the stairs leading to a tower in the Evil Queen's castle. Along the way, he encounters a guard on the stairs.) Guard: Halt. Hook: Food for the prisoner. Guard: It's not mealtime. Who are you? Identify yourself, slave! (Hook easily defeats the guard in a fight.) Hook: Slave? I prefer Captain. (He takes the keys from the dead guard and continues his way upwards. At the top, he enters a room, where Belle is being held captive.) Hook: Hi... You must be Belle. Belle: The Queen sent you, didn't she? She wants you to kill me. Hook: I'm not here to kill you, love. I'm here to rescue you. (Hook begins to unlock her shackles.) Belle: Rescue me? Who are you? Hook: A friend. We haven't much time. Your father's life is in danger. He's being attacked by the very same monster who stole you away from your family in the first place. Belle: What, Rumpelstiltskin? Hook: The Dark One - he must be stopped. You spent more time with him than anyone. There are rumours of a magical weapon that has the power to kill him. Belle: No, no, no, no. Let... Let me talk to him. He's not a monster. Hook: Belle, your father's life hangs in the balance. I need to know what that weapon is, and where to find it. Belle: I don't know what you're talking about, and I have no idea how to... How to kill Rumpelstiltskin. Hook: You don't? Belle: No. And... And nor would I. Hook: Hm. Then, I'm afraid I'm not here to rescue you. (He backhands Belle, rendering her unconscious.) Hook: So pretty... Yet, so useless. (Hook raises his arm, preparing to kill her with his hook, but is stopped by the Evil Queen. She enters the room and magically removes his hook.) Evil Queen: No. Not useless. She's a valuable chess piece. Hook: Do I look like I'm playing a game of chess? My hook, if you please. Evil Queen: No. Hook: The asking was me being a gentleman. Evil Queen: Is that any way to address a queen? Even a pirate should have better manners than that. Yes... I know who you are... Captain. I know why you came here from Neverland. And I know all about the crocodile you wish to skin. Hook: Then you also know, that I'll stop at nothing. Evil Queen: So dedicated and resourceful. No one has been able to fight their way past my defenses before. She can't help you kill Rumpelstiltskin, Hook. But I can, if you do something for me. Care to join me for a drink? [SCENE_BREAK] (The Evil Queen pours out two drinks and hands one to Hook.) Evil Queen: Things are about to change in this world. Radically. I have plans to enact a curse that will take everyone to a far-off land. Hook: How will that help me? Evil Queen: This new realm? It's a land without magic. Where the Dark One will be stripped of his powers. There, you won't need any magical weapon to kill him. You can do it with a mere flick of your wrist. Hook: Tell me what I have to do. Evil Queen: There's one person I don't want following me to this new land. You're to see to it that doesn't happen. Hook: An assassination. Who is it you want me to dispose of? Evil Queen: My mother. -[Storybrooke]- (In Mr. Gold's shop, Regina checks on David, who is still under the sleeping curse.) Mr. Gold: Any change? Regina: No. He's not improving. He needs true love's kiss. He won't wake up until Mary Margaret comes back. Mr. Gold: Until? Well, that's rather optimistic, isn't it? Regina: What are you talking about? Mr. Gold: They're up against your mother. The only chance Snow and Emma have of defeating her, is with the squid ink. Regina: Which is why you sent the message through David. Mr. Gold: Which would be beneficial, if we knew that message were delivered. But alas, given the Prince's condition, we don't know. As such, it's important we take precautions. We have to consider the possibility that, when that portal opens, it won't be his family that come through. It'll be Cora. Regina: And neither one of us wants that. Mr. Gold: We have to find where they're coming through, and destroy that portal. Regina: But whoever came through would die. Mr. Gold: Exactly. But, I'm confident between the two of us, we can summon up enough magic to complete the task. Regina: Well, what if we're wrong? What if that portal opens up, and it's not my mother? What if Mary Margaret and Emma do defeat Cora, and go through it? Mr. Gold: Well, I believe in this world, they call that a win-win. Regina: How exactly is that? Mr. Gold: If we stop Cora, you are protected from your mother's wrath. If, on the other hand, we stop Snow and Emma, well... You become the only mother in your son's life, now don't you? Look, magic is unpredictable in this world. If something unfortunate were to happen while you were attempting to help... Henry could hardly blame you for that, could he? Regina: No. I can't lie to him. I am trying to be a better mother. Mr. Gold: You won't be able to be a better anything if Cora comes through. And if she does, she will be a threat to everyone - including your son. So, if you truly want to be a good mother to Henry - to protect him - if you want to be better, prove it. -[Fairy Tale Land - Present]- (Mary Margaret and company arrive at Rumpelstilskin's cell.) MMB: Rumpelstiltskin's cell. I haven't been here since before Regina's curse. This is where he told us you were going to be the saviour. Emma: He knew? MMB: It was prophesized. Come on. (Inside, they find the cell completely empty.) Aurora: The squid ink - it's not here. MMB: Gold said we would find it. (They begin to check the crevices of the walls.) Mulan: Well, was there anyone else in here with him? Could they have taken the ink? MMB: No, he was kept alone. Visitors were forbidden. He was too dangerous to allow any human contact. Emma: How'd he keep from going crazy? (Aurora finds a piece of paper tucked into the wall.) Aurora: He didn't. MMB: What is it? Emma: Is that a message? Aurora: Yes. And I think it's for you. (Aurora hands Emma the paper.) Emma: Why would you think... That. (On the paper, 'Emma' is written over and over again, and nothing else.) -[Storybrooke]- (Henry is reading the 'Snow White' story to David from his book. Regina enters.) Regina: I think this time, it'll happen the other way around. Henry: You think so? Regina: I do. Which is why I need you to stay here and watch David for a little while. Henry: Where are you going? Regina: Mr. Gold and I need to prepare for Emma and Mary Margaret's return. Coming through the portal won't be easy. We need to make sure everything's in place. Henry: Really? You're really going to help them? Regina: I promised you I was going to do better - to be better. So, yes, I'm going to do everything in my power to see to it they come home safely. Henry: Wow. You really have changed. Regina: Be back as soon as I can. [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina and Mr. Gold enter the mines. Everyone else has already left.) Mr. Gold: I'm really glad you, uh, came to your senses. Regina: Let's just get this over with. Mr. Gold: It's right through here. (They arrive to where the dwarves had found the diamonds.) Mr. Gold: Ah, yes. Should suit our purposes, no? Regina: How much do we need? Mr. Gold: All of it. Regina: How are we going to do that? Mr. Gold: With a little help from a fairy. (He takes out a wand.) Mr. Gold: Dead one. Believe me, no one mourns her. (He waves the wand and magically absorbs the power from the diamonds. The diamonds disappear, and the wand glows with magic.) -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (The Evil Queen waves her hand over Hook's hook, causing it to glow. She hands it back to him.) Evil Queen: It's now... Enchanted. It will enable you to rip out her heart. I believe you've seen it done before. Hook: Yes. Evil Queen: The enchantment will only allow you to rip out one heart, so make sure you do it right. Hook: What could she have possibly done to warrant such brutality? Evil Queen: That's my business. Yours is to kill her, and bring her body back to me. Hook: Easy enough. When will I set forth on this murderous journey? Evil Queen: Immediately. But you won't be going alone. (She walks over to the sitting area, where there is a blanket covering something large on the chair. She pulls it back, revealing a corpse.) Evil Queen: You remember Claude? Hook: Can't say that I do. Evil Queen: You killed him in the cell block. Hook: Ah, yes. I didn't recognize him without my hook in his neck. Forgive me, but isn't he a bit of dead weight? Evil Queen: I banished my mother to a far-off land some time ago. You're going to need a portal to get to her. (She pulls out the hat box containing Jefferson's hat.) Evil Queen: The rules are simple - one goes in, one comes back. Or, in this case, two in, two back. You'll arrive with Claude, and you'll return with my mother. Hook: Now tell me... Which far-off land do I have the pleasure of visiting today? Evil Queen: Wonderland. Hook: Happily named, I'm sure. How will I find her? Evil Queen: Oh, don't worry. She'll find you. (The Evil Queen spins the hat on the floor, creating a purple vortex.) -[Wonderland]- (In Wonderland, Hook has been captured and is escorted by several guards to the Queen of Hearts and various other citizens of Wonderland. Her face is obscured by a mask.) Knave of Hearts: Kneel, before the Queen of Hearts. Hook: Appreciate the warm welcome. (The Queen of Hearts uses the tube to speak through. The Knave of Hearts relays her message.) Knave of Hearts: The Queen wants to know why you've come to Wonderland. Hook: I'm in search of someone. In her native land, she goes by Cora. (The crowd begins to whisper as the use of the name 'Cora'. The Queen of Hearts removes her mask, and reveals herself to be Cora.) Cora: In this land, she goes by Your Majesty. Leave us. (Everyone exits, leaving Cora and Hook alone.) Cora: Your name, pirate? Hook: Hook. Cora: What a clever nickname. (Hook pulls a pearl necklace out of his pocket and approaches Cora.) Hook: I come bearing gifts, if you allow me. Cora: This hat - your portal... If I understand correctly, the same number who travels through, must also return. You arrived with him, but who shall you return with? Hook: You. (Hook throws the necklace over his shoulder, and plunges his hand inside her chest. However, nothing happens.) Hook: What? Cora: I'm the 'Queen' of Hearts. Do you really think I'd be so careless, as to keep my heart where everyone else does? This... (Cora sticks her hand into Hook's chest, causing him to grimace in pain.) Cora: Is how it's done. Tell me - who did this? Who sent you here to kill me? Who? Hook: Your daughter. Cora: Regina? She... Wants me dead? You're now going to tell me everything, and do exactly what I want. Because when you hold a heart, you control it. You have the power. -[Fairy Tale Land - Present]- (The group is still scouring the cell in search of the ink. Emma is still looking at the paper.) Emma: What does this even mean? MMB: He was obsessed with you, Emma. You were the key to breaking the curse. Aurora: We've looked everywhere. There's no ink in this cell. MMB: Well, it has to be. He told David. Emma: You were in a Netherworld. Maybe something got lost in translation. Mulan: No. She heard right. MMB: You found it? (Mulan holds up an empty bottle.) Mulan: In a manner of speaking. There was ink in the cell. Emma: Son of a bitch... (Suddenly, Aurora grabs a rock and throws it against a lever just outside of the cell. The door to the cell falls down, trapping the four of them inside.) Emma: Aurora, what are you doing?! (Cora and Hook arrive.) Cora: Helping me. (Cora magically summons the compass to her.) Emma: No! Cora: No. Don't waste your energy, dear. Rumpelstiltskin himself couldn't escape from this cell. Thank you, Aurora. We couldn't have done it without you. Emma: Why would you do this? MMB: How could you? Cora: Don't blame her. She was only doing what she was told. (Cora pulls out Aurora's heart.) Emma: You took her heart? Hook: Actually, I did. It was a gift. (Cora squeezes the heart, causing Aurora to yell out in pain.) Cora: Forgive us. We'd love to stay, but Storybrooke awaits. (The two of them turn to leave, but Emma calls out to Hook.) Emma: Hook. Wait. Please don't do this. My son is in Storybrooke. He needs me. Hook: Perhaps you should've considered that, before you abandoned me on that beanstalk. Emma: You would've done the same. Hook: Actually, no. Hook: Do you know what this is, Emma? (He takes out the mummified bean that the giant had on his necklace.) Emma: The bean that the giant kept. Hook: Yes, indeed. A pirate always keeps a souvenir of his conquest, but this... Well, this is much more than a mere trinket. This is a symbol. Something that was once magical, full of hope, possibility... Now look at it. Dried up, dead, useless. Much like you. The time for making deals is done, just as I'm done... With you. -[Storybrooke]- (Ruby frantically runs into the mine, where she finds Leroy staring vacantly up at the ceiling where the diamonds once were.) Ruby: Leroy! What is it? What's the emergency? Leroy. Leroy: They're gone. They're all gone. [SCENE_BREAK] (Henry is still reading by David's bedside. Ruby, Leroy, and the rest of the dwarves enter.) Ruby: Where are they? Regina and Gold. Henry: What's going on? Ruby: All the magic has been drained from the mines. Henry: They stole it? Leroy: They snuck in after our shift and took everything. Nobody steals from a dwarf! Doc: Except the Queen. Happy: ...And Rumpelstiltskin. Henry: If they're not helping Emma and Mary Margaret that... That means my mom lied to me. Ruby: I'm sorry, Henry. Henry: We need to find her. We need to stop them. We need to help Emma and Mary Margaret. -[Fairy Tale Land - Present]- (Emma is futilely banging the door of the cell with her sword, while the rest of them watch.) MMB: We aren't going to break it down, Emma. It was enchanted to hold Rumpelstiltskin. We don't have a chance. Aurora: This is my fault. Mulan: No, it's mine. Cora stole your heart because I failed to protect you. Emma: That's very sweet, but I believe it's my fault. I'm the saviour, and I'm not doing much saving, am I? MMB: We're going to win this fight, you know. Good always defeats evil. Emma: You sound like Henry. MMB: Guess optimism runs in the family. Emma: I think it skipped a generation. MMB: You should know better than anybody. You broke the curse. Emma: What have I done since then? I got us stranded over here, burned down the wardrobe, let Cora get the ash, and now, the compass. The only reason I ever broke the curse, was because it was exactly what Gold wanted me to do. I had nothing to do with it. MMB: What are you talking about? Emma: He told you I was the saviour. It was his plan. Once I fulfilled that role, maybe that's all I was ever meant to do. Everything I've ever done... He had it all mapped out before I was even born. I'm not powerful. I'm... I'm not... A saviour. I'm a name on a piece of paper. I'm a pawn, and that's exactly why we are in here. And Cora's on her way to Storybrooke. [SCENE_BREAK] (Meanwhile, Cora and Hook are traveling through a field.) Hook: Where are we going? Cora: Lake Nostos. The legend says its waters hold the power to restore what was once lost. It'll return magic to what remains of this wardrobe. And then, we'll be able to cross worlds. (They arrive at the dried up Lake Nostos.) Hook: I may be a simple pirate, but... I know one thing - lakes have water. (Cora waves her hand, and a small vortex magically forms in the middle on the former lake. Suddenly, a geyser of water shoots up from the ground.) Cora: After everything we've been through, why do you still doubt me? -[Wonderland]- (In Wonderland, Cora still has her hand in Hook's chest.) Hook: I've told you all I know. Now have some honour, and kill me. Cora: Honour? For the pirate who snuck into my palace to assassinate me? Hook: At your daughter's behest. Cora: She should've come. She should've killed me herself. (Cora removes her hand from his chest, but leaves his heart intact.) Hook: Mercy seems a bit out of character. Cora: Oh, not mercy, Hook. You're going to help me. Regina knows my methods better than anyone. If I was controlling you, she'd know. This has to be your choice. Hook: Why should I? Cora: Because, my dear, I'm the only one who can give you what you want. Hook: Is that so? Cora: This curse my daughter plans to enact? This new land she's taking everyone to? You won't remember who you are. So tell me, Captain - how do you expect to kill someone, when you can't even remember him? But, if you do what I say, I'll make sure you not only kill him, but that you remember every single moment. Hook: Well, what shall you have me do? Cora: Get me close to my daughter. And then, I'll rip her heart out. -[Fairy Tale Land - Past]- (Cora and Hook return to the Evil Queen's castle. Cora lies in a casket and pretends to be dead. Hook brings the Evil Queen in to show her the results.) Hook: Satisfied? Evil Queen: Did she put up a fight? Hook: Nothing I couldn't handle. Evil Queen: Thank you. Now leave us. I'd like a moment alone to say goodbye. (Hook exits.) Evil Queen: I'm sorry, mother. Without you, I never would've become the person I am now. But I had no choice. I had to do this. After you killed Daniel, you told me something I've never forgotten. Love is weakness. Well, mother, you are my weakness, because I love you. That's why I couldn't risk taking you to the new land with me. Your grip on my heart is just too strong. And for what I need to do... I can't have any weakness. (She places a rose on top of Cora's body.) Evil Queen: Goodbye, mother. (When the Evil Queen exits the room, Hook emerges from the shadows.) Hook: What happened? You didn't kill her. Cora: There's been a change in plans. Hook: What would that be? Cora: My daughter's curse is coming. We have to protect ourselves. [SCENE_BREAK] (The Evil Queen's curse rips through the Enchanted Forest, the smoke quickly progressing across the land. Cora and Hook watch from a distance as it approaches. Cora strikes the ground with her sceptre, creating a beam of light that shoots up towards the sky. Eventually, the beam scatters, creating a domed shield around a small section on the land.) Hook: Wouldn't it have been easier to reconcile with her before her curse destroys the land? Cora: Regina doesn't need me - not now. Not when she thinks she's about to win. But I still have a place in her heart. And the curse won't last forever. It will end. In twenty-eight years, there'll be a saviour. And she'll break it. Hook: Twenty-eight years? Cora: You won't even notice. You'll be frozen, like all those in this corner of the land. But, when the curse ends, our quest will resume. And, when it does, Regina will truly have lost everything, and then she'll need me. That's when we'll go to this new land. You'll get your revenge. And me, I'll... Help her pick up the pieces. -[Storybrooke]- (Regina and Mr. Gold are walking through the woods towards the 'wishing well'.) Regina: You're certain the portal's going to open up all the way out here? Mr. Gold: There. This is where things once lost are returned to us. This is where Cora's going to come through. (The two of them look inside. The water below is bubbling.) Regina: Unless, it's Mary Margaret and Emma. Mr. Gold: I highly doubt it. -[Fairy Tale Land - Present]- (Emma's group is still stuck inside the cell. Mary Margaret is analyzing the paper.) MMB: We are going to get out of here. Emma: How? By staring at that scroll? It's not like it's going to magically open the door for us. MMB: Yes, it is. Emma: What? MMB: When I was a little girl, I used to sneak into Cora's chamber and watch her practice magic. She had a spell book and, Emma... The spells were in the book. Emma: Yeah, isn't that what a spell book is? A book that has spells in it? MMB: Watch. (Mary Margaret gently blows on the paper, causing the words to lift off the page.) Emma: Whoa. Squid ink. Gold wrote the scroll in squid ink! (Mary Margaret blows the words toward the door of the cell. The inked words magically create an exit.) MMB: Told you. Good always wins. Aurora: Wait. I can't go. You have to tie me up. Mulan: No. I'm not leaving without you. Aurora: I can't be trusted. Not as long as Cora has my heart. Mulan: Then I will get it back for you. Aurora: Mulan... Mulan: I will. Emma: Mulan. We got to go. Aurora: Do it. (Mulan takes a piece of rope, and ties Aurora to what remains of the cell's bars.) Aurora: Good luck. MMB: Thank you. Good luck to you. [SCENE_BREAK] (The geyser at Lake Nostos gradually subsides, leaving behind a small lake. Cora takes out the vial of ashes.) Cora: And now, the ashes. Would you care to do the honours? (Hook takes the ashes and sprinkles them into the lake. A whirlpool magically forms in the center of the lake.) Cora: Here we go. We'll be in Storybrooke soon enough. I really look forward to seeing my daughter. -[Storybrooke]- (Mr. Gold and Regina continue to stare down the well, until they see a change in the water.) Mr. Gold: It's time. Regina: So, what are we waiting for? (They step away from the well, and Mr. Gold takes out the fairy wand. He holds it up towards the sky and summons a thunderstorm. A clash of green lightning strikes the well, which creates an electric barrier of sorts.) Mr. Gold: Doesn't matter who comes through now. No one can survive this. -[Fairy Tale Land - Present]- (Cora and Hook stand near the whirlpool. Cora takes out the compass, and holds it out for Hook to grab.) Cora: I told you I'd deliver you to Rumpelstiltskin. Now don't let go. Unless, you want to end up someplace that isn't Storybrooke. (Hook takes the other side of the compass, and the two of them prepare to jump. However, Emma, Mary Margaret, and Mulan arrive at the scene in time to stop them. Mary Margaret shoots the compass out of their hands.) MMB: You're not going anywhere. This portal's taking us home. The compass - get it. Cora: Find it first. I'll take care of them. (Cora shoots a fireball towards the group, but Mulan deflects it with her sword. Emma draws her own sword and starts a fight with Hook over the compass. Cora continues to shoot fireballs at Mulan, while Mary Margaret attempts to assist by shooting arrows from a distance. Cora dodges Mulan by magically disappearing, but the bag containing Aurora's heart is left behind. It is flung towards the whirlpool, but is caught just in time by Hook before falling in. He tosses the bag to Mulan.) Hook: I may be a pirate, but I bristle at the thought of a woman losing her heart - unless it's over me. (Mulan looks conflicted over what to do. Mary Margaret approaches her.) MMB: Go! Mulan: No, but you need the compass! MMB: And Aurora needs her heart. (Mulan gives Mary Margaret her sword.) Mulan: Take it. It deflects her magic. (Mulan exits the battle. Emma and Hook resume fighting.) Emma: I had no idea you had such a soft side. Hook: I don't. Just like a fair fight. (They continue to duel.) Hook: Good form. But not good enough. (Hook grabs Emma's leg and manages to flip her onto her back. Meanwhile, Mary Margaret and Cora square off. Hook slowly slides his Hook down Emma's sword and pins her to the ground.) Hook: Normally, I prefer to do other more enjoyable activities with a woman on her back. With my life on the line, you've left me no choice. A bit of advice? When I jab you with my sword, you'll feel it. You might want to quit. (Emma feels for the compass buried in the sand under her back.) Emma: Why would I do that when I'm winning? (Emma grabs the compass and holds it up. Hook is momentarily distracted long enough for Emma to push him off of her. They briefly duel, until Emma gets the upper hand.) Emma: Thanks. (Emma, with the compass in her fist, pulls back her arm and punches Hook in the face. He collapses to the ground, unconscious.) Emma: Now let's go home! -[Storybrooke]- (Mr. Gold and Regina watch the storm brew inside the well. Henry and Ruby arrive.) Henry: Mom? You're not helping Emma and Mary Margaret, are you? Regina: I'm helping you, Henry. Henry: What are you talking about? Ruby: You're going to kill them. (Mr. Gold magically shoots Ruby back with the wand, knocking her out.) Mr. Gold: Sorry, dearie. Henry: Mom, what are you doing? Regina: We can't let Cora come through the portal. You have no idea what she would do to us. Henry: Emma and Mary Margaret are going to defeat her. They're the ones that are going to come through. Mr. Gold: Henry, your mother's right. It's going to be Cora. Henry: No. It won't. Good always defeats evil. You should know that more than anyone. Regina: What I know, is my mother will destroy everything I love - and that means you. And I can't let that happen. -[Fairy Tale Land - Present]- (Mary Margaret and Cora have still yet to engage in a fight, when Emma charges at Cora with her sword. Cora dodges Emma by magically disappearing.) MMB: Emma, run! (The two of them make a break for the whirlpool, but Cora reappears in front of them, blocking their path. She magically throws the two of them backwards onto the ground. Cora then stalks in Mary Margaret's direction. Emma attempts to get up, but is thrown back to the ground by Cora.) MMB: Why do you want to go to Storybrooke? Cora: Because my daughter needs me. And now, I'm going to give her the one thing she's always wanted - your heart. Goodbye, Snow. Emma: No! (Cora draws back her hand, but Emma pushes Mary Margaret out of the way just before she reaches into her chest. Instead, Cora ends up with her hand inside Emma's chest.) MMB: Emma! Cora: Oh, you foolish girl. Don't you know? Love is weakness. (Cora tries to rip out Emma's heart, but finds she's unable to draw back her hand.) Emma: No. It's strength. (Suddenly, a burst of white light spreads out from Emma's body in all directions, causing Cora to disappear.) Emma: What was that? MMB: That... Is a great subject for discussion. When we get home. (Mary Margaret grabs Emma's arm and the two of them dash towards the whirlpool.) MMB: Ready? Emma: Yeah. Let's go. (The two of them jump into the whirlpool portal.) -[Storybrooke]- (In the forest, Henry tries to run towards the well, but is restrained by Regina.) Henry: You can't! Stop it! You can't! You're going to kill them! Please! No! They're going to make it through! We have to turn it off! You're going to kill them! (Henry manages to break free from Regina's grasp, but she quickly pulls him back.) Regina: Henry! What are you doing? Henry: Emma and Mary Margaret are going to come through. I know it. You said you wanted to change - to be better. This is how. You want me to have faith in you? Have faith in me. Mr. Gold: Regina. (Regina approaches the well and extends her arms over the electrical barrier. She uses her magic to absorb the storm into her body, effectively removing the barrier to the portal. The power of the magic throws her back. Despite the threat being removed, no one appears to be coming through the portal.) Henry: No! Regina: I'm sorry, Henry. I'm sorry. (Suddenly, a hand comes out of the well and grabs the edge. Emma pulls herself out, followed by Mary Margaret.) Henry: Mom? Emma: Henry! Henry: Mom! (Henry rushes to Emma and the two of them hug. Mary Margaret joins in.) Emma: I missed you! Henry: I missed you, too. Emma: I missed you so much. (When they draw back from the group hug, they see Mr. Gold silently slinking away, Regina on the ground, and Ruby finally coming around.) MMB: What's going on? What happened? Henry: She saved you. She saved both of you. Emma: Thank you. Regina: You're welcome. Ruby: Are you okay? (Ruby runs towards Mary Margaret, and the two of them also share a hug.) MMB: Where's my husband? I need to find him. (Ruby and Mary Margaret exit.) Emma: Um, your mom... She's, uh... She's... A piece of work, you know? Regina: Indeed, I do. Welcome back. Emma: Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] (Mary Margaret and Ruby enter Mr. Gold's shop, with Emma and Henry trailing behind. David is still lying unconscious, and the dwarves are still gathered around the bed.) MMB: David? (She kisses David, which causes the sleeping curse to be broken. A pulse of magic spreads throughout the room. He wakes up and gasps.) David: You... You did it. MMB: Did you ever doubt I would? (They kiss again.) David: No. Though, the burning red room did give me pause. [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma confronts Mr. Gold alone in the main part of the shop.) Emma: We need to talk. Mr. Gold: Yes. I believe apologies are in order. Emma: No. No apologies necessary. I understand why you wanted to keep Cora out of here. Mr. Gold: Just remind me never to bet against you in the future, Miss Swan. Emma: It's not really a bet when the game is rigged, is it? Mr. Gold: To what exactly are you referring? Emma: Your scroll. I saw it in your cell. You wrote my name again, and again, and again. Mr. Gold: Just wanted to make sure it would stick. Emma: The ink - it was there all the time. You could've gotten out. Mr. Gold: I was exactly where I wanted to be. You needed to find that, so all this could occur. Emma: You created the curse, Gold. You made me the saviour. So everything I've ever done... It's exactly what you wanted me to do. Mr. Gold: I created the curse, dearie, but I didn't make you. I merely took advantage of what you are - the product of true love. That's why you're powerful. And everything you've done, you've done yourself. Emma: So you don't know. Mr. Gold: Know what? Emma: Cora... Tried to rip my heart out, but she couldn't. She was blasted back by something inside me. By... By- Mr. Gold: By magic. Whatever that was, I didn't do that. You did. -[Fairy Tale Land - Present]- (Mulan has brought the bag containing Aurora's heart back to the cell. Mulan carefully takes the heart out of the bag. It glows and beats in her hand.) Aurora: Have you done this before? Mulan: No. (Mulan lifts the glowing heart to Aurora's chest and pushes it inside of her. She briefly stops breathing, but suddenly gasps.) Aurora: Thank you... Mulan: What now? Aurora: Cora told me something. When a wraith consumes a soul, it's not trapped there forever. It can be reunited with its body. Mulan: You think we can save Phillip? Aurora: We can try. Mulan: Then let's try. (Mulan extends her hand to Aurora, and the two of them exit the cell.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cora stares vacantly at the now defunct whirlpool portal. Hook has also regained consciousness.) Cora: We failed. Hook: Really, Cora. After all this time, why do you still doubt me? (Hook holds up the mummified bean.) Cora: Well, that bean's petrified. It's useless. Hook: But these waters have regenerative properties. Perhaps, it's time to do some gardening. -[Storybrooke]- (Everyone is still gathered at Mr. Gold's shop. Henry approaches Regina, who is standing off to the side.) Henry: I was right. You really have changed. (Henry wraps his arms around Regina, who cautiously returns the hug.) Henry: Thank you. (Emma reenters the room.) MMB: Emma... David: Looks like we have some catching up to do. Emma: You have no idea. Ruby: How about dinner at Granny's? On me. Emma: As long as it's not Chimera, I'm in. Hey, kid. You hungry? Henry: Yeah. (Henry breaks away from Regina and joins Emma. Everyone begins filing out.) Henry: I'll see you later. (As everyone exits, Regina begins to tear up. Eventually, Regina and Mr. Gold are the only two that remain.) Mr. Gold: Congratulations. You just reunited mother and son. Maybe one day, they'll even invite you for dinner. [SCENE_BREAK] (The reunited group happily walks down the main street of Storybrooke to Granny's Diner. On the horizon, a large ship is seen drawing near the town. On board are Hook and Cora. Cora is holding a black wilted rose, while Hook inspects the town through a telescope.) Hook: There it is. Cora: Storybrooke. -[End]-

Cora and Hook face off with Mary Margaret and Emma in a race to secure the compass, which will point its holder to the portal into Storybrooke. But back on the other side, Regina and Mr. Gold, desperate to keep Cora out, put a plan into action that would kill anyone entering the portal - placing Mary Margaret's and Emma's lives in danger as well. Meanwhile, back in the fairytale land that was, Captain Hook travels to Wonderland and meets up with a vengeful Queen of Hearts.

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New York is dangerous littered with thieves we've no morals here we just do as we please but I don't wanna go home where they all stare at me 'cause I'm tattooed and fired up and drunk and obscene. You wear your religion like a war sweater, you ask for the truth but you know you could do so much better and you sat on your fences and you screamed, "no retreat" so what will your legacy be? AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Julian : I love your daughter. I'm in love with her. Would you ask her to call me, please? I look closely to which speaks from pride. I love you I swear it I would never lie but I fear for our lives and I fear your closed eyes. 'cause you wear your religion like a war sweater AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Brooke : Well, you're here late. Victoria : Yeah. The competition never sleeps. Brooke : Any messages? Victoria : Uh, no. Nothing that matters. And you screamed, "no retreat" so what will your legacy be? And what will your legacy be? AT LUCAS'S HOUSE Sawyer: Ouain ! Lucas : Shh, shh. It's okay. Daddy's here. AT THE HOSPITAL Lucas : You know. If you keep letting these root-beer floats go to waste, I'm gonna have to start drinking them. I'm kidding. They'll be here when you wake up. You know who else will be here when you wake up is, uh... god, our beautiful daughter. She's, uh... You should see her. She's amazing, Peyton. But she needs you. And so do I. Come on. You promised. You promised. OUTSIDE THE HOSPITAL Julian : You need to go home, Brooke. You've been awake for the better part of the last four days, and it's not healthy. Brooke : I need to be here when she wakes up. What is that? Julian : Every fashion magazine I could find. Brooke : But you just said Julian : Yeah, but I knew when I said you needed to go home that you'd say you needed to be here when Peyton woke up, because you're stubborn, Brooke Davis. Brooke : You don't know me. Julian : I think I do. Brooke : She needs to wake up. AT RED BEDROOM RECORDS Mia : Yeah, I know. Everything's fine. Just, you know, call if you hear anything, okay? Thanks, Haley. Chase : No word? Mia : No ... word. Lucas must be so freaked out. Chase : Peyton's a badass. She'll be okay. What you got there? Mia : My new record. Chase : Let me see that. My girl's such a rock star. You did good, Mia Catalano. Mia : We did good ... me and Haley and Peyton. Peyton really should be here for this ... Red bedroom records. Can I help you? Um, Peyton's not here right now, but ... she'll be back soon. AT THE HOSPITAL Lucas : You know, I, uh ... I'm in a little... I'm in a little over my head here. I took her home, and, uh ... I'm doing what I can, but... but she needs her mom. I need her mom. She doesn't even have a name. We were supposed to do that together. I can't do this without you. And I'm just ... afraid ... that we're gonna lose you, and it's just gonna be the two of us. And she doesn't even have a name. Peyton : Sawyer. Her name's Sawyer, okay? Lucas : Okay. Sawyer Scott. God, you scared me. Oh, my god. Brooke : Peyton. Peyton : You said you would disown me if I left without permission. Brooke : Yeah. I'm about to be your second-best girl when you meet your new one. Peyton : Is she okay? Lucas : She's beautiful. Peyton : Can I see her? Brooke : She's right outside. Hang on. Lucas : I should get the doctor. Peyton : No. I just want it to be you and me and our daughter for a minute. Lucas : Okay. Karen : Well,well. Lucas : Mom. Karen : My baby's had a baby. And she's beautiful. Peyton : Hi, Sawyer. Do you remember me? I missed you. I'm gonna love you forever. She's perfect. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Jamie : Hey, dad, when you get back to Charleston, tell Nino he needs to stop shooting so much, okay? Nathan : Nino's not there, buddy. Jamie : How come? Did they fire him? Nathan : He's playing for the clippers now. They called him up. Jamie : When are they gonna call you up, dad? Nathan : I don't know, Jamie. Maybe never. Jamie : It's okay. At least you're still a chief. Nathan : Yeah. All right. All set. Jamie : I'll take it. Nathan : Thanks, buddy AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Julian : What's that? Brooke : Sam's new home. Julian : I miss that girl. Brooke : Yeah. So I guess you have to be getting back to L.A. Julian : Yeah. I mean ... I mean, we're prepping the new movie. Brooke : Yeah, I haven't even asked what it's about. Julian : You know, boy meets girl, boy loses girl. Anyway, it was great getting to spend time with you, Brooke, even considering the circumstances. Brooke : Yeah, you too. Thank you ... for staying with me. Julian : Yeah, well, I wanted to make sure Peyton was gonna be okay. Brooke : Of course. Well ... Lay your ray down you're the one. I could run, I could run for the life of me but where would that get me? Where would that lead? I'm a fool for waiting so long 'cause you come around, come around come around, come around to me there's something in between you and I Julian : I love you, Brooke Davis. I love you so much. Brooke : Don't say it. Just kiss me. You feel like breathing come around, come around, come around, come around to me. Can't you see you're my life? AT LUCAS'S HOUSE Karen : Do you want me to take her so you can get some rest? Peyton : Mm, no. I want to hold her forever. Hey, Karen, thank you... for the way you raised Lucas and the man that you taught him how to be. Karen : You're welcome. But I was just being a mom. You'll see. Come around, come around, come around, come around to me come around to me AT MOUTH'S OFFICE Mouth : Hey, what are you doing down here? Millicent : I don't want to go back to New York. Mouth : And I don't want you to go back to New York. Millicent : But I have to. Mouth : I know. Millicent : I'm just gonna have to talk to Brooke. Mouth : And say what? Millicent : "I don't want to go back to New York. " Mouth : Straight and to the point. I like it. Come on. OUTSIDE LUCAS'S HOUSE Karen : I remember sitting on these steps, talking to you about joining the ravens. Lucas : That seems so long ago. Karen : It feels like yesterday, actually. Lily wrote you a letter. Lucas : She's writing already? What, was she born, like, four days ago? Karen : No, that was your daughter, dad. Lucas : Yeah, whatever, grandma Karen. Karen : Look, I know you can't stay, but before you go, I just really ... I really wanted to say thank you. Karen : Lucas... Lucas : No, no, no, no, no, no. You helped me through all of it. And you were selfless and strong. And ... if I'm half the parent that you were, then Sawyer is gonna be just fine. Karen : She's gonna be more than fine. Lucas : Remember how you always told me to see the magic in the world? I still do. AT THE GYMNASIUM Man : Nate? Bobby wants to see you. Nathan : What happened to all my stuff? Man : Bobby wants to see you. AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Haley : What are you doing home? Nathan : Do you remember that green dress you wore to the Maths-ketball school for Jamie? Haley : The Oppenheimer school. Yeah. Nathan : You look amazing in that dress. I was thinking we could take a trip to charlotte. You could wear that dress. We could take Jamie. Haley : Nathan, what happened? Nathan : I'm not on the Chiefs anymore. Haley : I'm sorry, baby. Nathan : It's okay. What do you say, Haley James? Want to take the boy to Charlotte? Maybe we could see a basketball game? I mean, I kind of have to be there anyway, considering ... I'm the Bobcats' new point guard. Haley : What? Nathan : I'm the point guard for the Charlotte Bobcats. I got called up. Haley : You're in the NBA? Nathan : I'm in the NBA. Thank you. Thank you for believing in me, Haley. Haley : Thank you for being worth it! AT WITHEY'S HOUSE Dan : Please. I assume that's loaded. Withey : I bought this gun hoping to see your face again. I'll just say you broke in, came at me. Dan : You'd be doing me a favor. Withey : You look like a haunted man. I heard you have a heart problem. It's not surprising. You've always had a heart problem. Dan : I wish I'd gone back in that game ... the state championship. When I look back at my life and see where it all went wrong, that's where I always end up ... fourth quarter, time running down, sitting on the bench at the state championship, and refusing to play. At night, in my dreams, I do go back in. And in my dreams, I take it back. All of it. And then I wake up. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for that day and every day since. I'm sorry for what I did to Keith ... and to the people who love him. Withey : Did you ever love him? Dan : Not enough. AT BROOKE'S HOUSE Brooke : Hi, Sam. It's me. No, everything's fine. I was just thinking about you, and ... and I was wondering ... How's your life? Are you happy? AT MOUTH OFFICE / SCOTT'S HOUSE Jerry : New lead coming out of commercial. Mouth : Is this for real? Jerry : Yeah. Mouth : Woooo : Sorry. Nathan : Jamie, sports is up next. Jamie : What's the big deal? I got wifi on my phone. Haley : Get over here and watch with us. Mouth : Last night in the NBA, the Charlotte Bobcats quietly made a move that most sports fans wouldn't have noticed, adding a point guard to their roster for the rest of the season. But we're leading with that story because this point guard is a local legend who overcame adversity and difficult circumstances in pursuit of a dream. Last night, the Charlotte Bobcats called up a former Tree Hill Raven, a great guy, and a good friend, Nathan Scott. Jamie Scott, hug your dad for all of us because he just made it to the NBA, and we couldn't be more proud. In other news around the league, the Los Angeles clippers are ... Haley : Jamie. Jamie : I knew you could do it! Nathan : You're gonna kill me before I even play in a game, buddy! AT WITHEY'S HOUSE Dan : I was supposed to be dead months ago. I used to wonder why I was still alive. And then I realized ... I'm not. I'm dead. And this is my hell. Lucas got married and had a baby girl. And Nathan ... he's got Jamie. And I get to see the happiest moments of their lives, but ... I don't get to feel those moments. I don't get to be a part of their lives. Withey : You created that, Danny. Dan : Pull the trigger. Take the pain away! Please. Please. Withey : Maybe you're still here for redemption. OUTSIDE WITHEY'S HOUSE Withey : There's still time, son. Nathan : I just came to tell my coach I made it to the NBA. How you doing, coach? Withey : Good to see you. It's a great surprise. I see you're keeping in shape. AT BEDROOM RECORDS Chase : This track is awesome! Mia : Thanks. Chase : And the record officially drops tomorrow? Mia : Tomorrow night. Sinning in New York City. Chase : And then ... you tour. Mia : For a couple months, yeah. Chase : Listen, I ... I know you're gonna go on tour and this record's gonna blow up, and just know that art of me wants to be really selfish with you. But I'm not gonna be that way because ... well ... because the rest of the world deserves to see your greatness, too. Mia : My heart's ... not going anywhere. Chase : Promise? Mia : Promise. AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Millicent : Mia's new record? Brooke : Yeah. It's really good. She's actually doing a signing in New York tomorrow night. Maybe you could go ... Millicent : Yeah! Brooke : About that ... if you weren't gonna be here in tree hill instead. Millicent : Wait. What? Brooke : The store's gonna be back up and running soon, and I need you here to run it. Millicent : But what about New York? Don't you need someone there? Brooke : I do, but your boy is here. OUTSIDE LUCAS'S HOUSE Dan : Hi, Peyton. Peyton : What do you want? Dan : I just wanted ... could I hold her? Peyton : No. Why? Dan : Because she's the only one in my world who doesn't know what I've done. Peyton : Just for a second. Take your last step. Dan : I'd forgotten what it was like. She's so beautiful. What's her name? Peyton : Sawyer. Dan : Sawyer Scott. And now, said max, let the wild rumpus start. Peyton : Where the wild things are. Dan : I used to read it to Nathan. It seems like another life ago. Peyton : It was. Dan : I know you're gonna have to tell her about me someday. I'm sorry for that. Hallelujah for these eyes she your painted life. Hallelujah for the touch of skin to skin with mine. Hallelujah for this mind that keeps our souls combined. Hallelujah for this life that let me be your child have your mind, have your strength to stay alive keep your eyes open with mine now oh, no. You followed the road AT MOUTH'S OFFICE Millicent : How would you like your old roommate back? A face without words can last a lifetime it's never the same so don't say goodbyes that last forever now hold on just for a while but I'll be by to see you someday soon now please hold on tonight oh, 'cause I'm old and I don't know why. Hallelujah for these eyes AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Victoria : Tell me about ... Julian. Brooke. What kind of man is he? Brooke : The kind who's gone. Hallelujah for this mind that keeps our souls combined now. Hallelujah for this life that let me be your child. AT THE CIMETERY Nathan : I finally made it, Q. Something tells me you already know that. I miss you, buddy. Oh, and, Q, you're right ... It's a comeback. Thank you. You're a traffic light of fire you're a man who I believe will never die AT LUCAS'S HOUSE Brooke : Hi. Peyton : Hi Brooke : Luke around? Peyton : No. He had to take Karen to the airport. She had to get back. Brooke : She's so beautiful. Peyton : Yeah, I kind of like her. Brooke : So how does it feel, P. Sawyer? You have a family now. You ... you have this whole other life to look after. Peyton : It feels just like I dreamed it would. Brooke : Can I hold her? Peyton : Yeah! Got her? Brooke : Oh, yeah. Hi, Sawyer. I'm your aunt Brooke, and I am gonna spoil you. Yes, I am, Sawyer Scott. Peyton : Sawyer Brooke Scott. Brooke : Really? Peyton : Yeah. Brooke : See, I always knew you were a Brooke. And it is a really good name, baby Brooke. Peyton : Just like I dreamed. And what about your dreams, Brooke Davis? AT CLOTHES OVER BROS Brooke : Are you going somewhere? Victoria : Back to New York. The designs are excellent. The new line should stabilize the company. There's nothing left for me to do here. There are a few things that I need to leave you with. We need to call our publicist and arrange a series of interviews announcing your return to the company. You need to speak with the people at red and organize some sort of charitable contribution. And you need to fly to Los Angeles and tell that boy that you love him. Brooke : What? Victoria : When I was young, there was a boy who loved me, and I loved him back. But he wasn't from my circle of friends, and he was different than what my parents expected ... so I let him go. And not a day has gone by that I don't regret it. Brooke : Why haven't you ever told me this? Victoria : Because I've been a terrible mother. I have a daughter who is ... strong and bright, kindhearted, so beautiful ... and I've nearly broken her with my inability to open my heart. But I haven't broken her. She's just as strong and beautiful and kindhearted as ever. She simply misnamed her company. Because if this boy Julian loves you ... and you love him ... That's all that matters. That is the most important thing. And the clothes can wait. Victoria : This is for you. Brooke : What is it? Victoria : It's the company. It's all yours ... 100%. Brooke : But why? Victoria : I'd rather have my daughter than a company. Brooke : But you loved this company. Victoria : Yeah. I did. And I was wrong. I should have loved you more ... and the company less. I just didn't know how. Brooke : Mom? I want you to stay on ... and run things from New York. Victoria : You're keeping me? Brooke : You're good at what you do. And besides ... you're my mother. Victoria : My daughter. My daughter. I love you so much. And I'm so proud of you. AT MOUTH'S OFFICE Jerry : 60 seconds, Mouth. Mouth : Thanks, Jerry. Thanks. I thought you took off. Millicent : I just wanted to watch my boy work. Mouth : I like that ... being your boy. Millicent : I like it, too. Skills called. They're gonna watch the game with us. Mouth : Great. Sounds perfect. Millicent : It does, doesn't it? Jerry : We're back in 10! Mouth : God, I love my life. A full slate in the NBA kicks off tonight with the Charlotte Bobcats, who recently called up Nathan Scott. The team says that Scott will take his physical ... Mouth : Take a look at yourself in a mirror. Who do you see looking back? Haley : Is it the person you want to be? AT SCOTT'S HOUSE Jamie : You made it. Nathan : We made it. Dan : Or is there someone else you were meant to be ... the person you should have been, but fell short of? Mia : Is someone telling you, you can't or you won't? Because you can. AT NEW YORK Chase : Could you write, "Thanks for the 45 seconds of heaven"? Mia : 30. Wait for me? Chase : Hell, yeah. Chase : Believe that love is out there. AT THE GYMNASIUM Man : From the university of maryland, 6'2" point guard, wearing number 12, Nathan Scott! Nathan : Believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do. Peyton : Sometimes happiness doesn't come from money or fame or power. Sometimes happiness comes from good friends and family and from the quiet nobility of leading a good life. AT LOS ANGELES Man : We're gonna try the lights now, okay, Julian? Julian : Okay. Brooke : You told me that someday I'd be ready to let someone in. I think today mean to be "someday". Julian : Believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do. Julian : If this was a movie, you'd kiss me right now. Brooke : No. I'd say, "I love you," and then I'd kiss you. I love you. Brooke : Believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do. ON THE ROAD IN THE COMET Lucas : Take a ride with me, Peyton Sawyer? Peyton : Don't you mean Peyton Scott? Peyton : So take a look in that mirror and remind yourself to be happy, because you deserve to be. Believe that. Lucas : And believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do.

Peyton is rushed to surgery after losing blood and fainting. On the eve of Peyton's delivery, Peyton and Lucas receive a surprise visit from a friend of theirs, and they welcome a daughter, Sawyer Brooke Scott. Victoria finally understands Brooke's pain, and gives her the company back. They make amends and Victoria urges Brooke to do one special thing. Nathan is released from the Chiefs but gets surprising news he's made it to the NBA. Facing death, Dan visits someone from the past, and apologizes for everything that happened. Dan wants him to take his life, but he offers redemption to Dan. Lucas, Peyton and Sawyer pack up their stuff, and ride away in to the sunset with the newly repaired Comet, leaving Tree Hill for good as this season finale closes. This episode is named after a song by Explosions in the Sky .

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[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Mulder (O.C.): My name is Fox Mulder. In the 1990s, I began investigating paranormal science cases through a unit of the FBI known as the X-Files. My partner in this pursuit was Agent Dana Scully, a medical doctor and scientist. In 2001, we had a child together... Scully (quietly): William. Mulder (O.C.): ...but had to put him up for adoption to hide him from those who wished him harm. In 2002, the FBI closed the X-Files. 14 years later, circumstances have arisen which demand new X-Files investigations... Mulder (O.C.): Are you saying you have alien DNA? Mulder (O.C.): ...bringing Scully and I back together. [SCENE_BREAK] (electronic whirring) Female electronic voice: Good day, Dr. Sanjay. Sanjay: Yeah. Good morning. (scanner wand squeaking) Sanjay! (laughs) Oh. You okay? Rough weekend? Sanjay: A humdinger. Work or pleasure? Sanjay: I haven't known pleasure for quite some time. (wry laugh) (tone ringing) Are you okay? Sanjay: It's nothing. [SCENE_BREAK] Hill: The Founder looked at the data. He sent a message this morning. "Do over." Cynthia: That's it? We spent months on those trials. We've tried every new source of pluripotent stem cells, including samples from amniotic fluids. We need more than just pronouncements from above. We need direction! What about a meeting with the man? Hill: You want the Founder to tell you how terrible your data is face-to-face? The guy is a recluse. No one here's even seen him for years. (distorted): For all we know, he didn't even read the stuff. Hill (distorted): I can assure you that Augustus Goldman is (slows, distorts): fully engaged. But the Founder has other interests that keep him occupied. Yeah, what about that? Doesn't that creep you out, that he's referred to as "The Founder"? (Crows fluttering) (glass rattling) (Pencil snaps, cracks) (fingers thudding) (eyelids shudder and crackle) Cynthia: ...do it. Hill: Now. It's necessary. Data... is the key. Hill: Don't hesitate. Go. Go now. Go! (tone ringing) (distorted): No... no! (glass rattling, clattering) Can't anyone hear that? (tone stops) Sanjay: (gasps) Sorry. Excuse me. [SCENE_BREAK] (typing rapidly) Cynthia: Do it. Hill: Now. Rogers: Data... is the key. (knock echoing) Rogers (muffled, distorted): Sanjay! Sanjay! Hill (O.C.): Sanjay, come on! Open up! (insistent banging on door) Hill (muffled): Open the door, Sanjay! Rogers (distorted): Sanjay! Sanjay, open the door! Hill: It's not opening! Rogers (O.C.): Open the door! Sanjay! Hill: Something's wrong with the system! Rogers: Sanjay, open the door! (tone ringing) (tone intensifies) (Sanjay whimpers) (gasping) (muffled): Sanjay? (muffled): Sanjay! Sanjay! (tone continues) (crackling, squishing) (brief whimper) [SCENE_BREAK] (camera shutter clicking) Mulder: What do you make of this, Scully? Scully: Well, it seems that Dr. Sanjay had a psychotic break and committed suicide. Note the letter opener sticking out of his head. Mulder: Noted. Scully: All the witnesses I spoke to have consistent accounts. Mulder: I mean the room. He chose the most secured place in the building to kill himself. He was trying to access something. These are isolated servers, so the only way to get to the data is through this terminal, which is also protected. Scully: Is that why we're here? You're interested in the server? What are you looking for, Mulder? Guard: Unhand the hard drive, sir. Mulder: This is evidence. Guard: It's classified. Scully: The reason why we're investigating, rather than the local police is because we have security clearance. Guard: To be in the room. Not to look inside this. That is property Department of Defense. Mulder: We need to conduct a few more interviews, then, before we conclude our investigation. Guard: The individuals pertinent to this incident have already been interviewed by your colleague. Mulder: We'd like to talk to Augustus Goldman. Guard: That's impossible. Dr. Goldman was not even on campus when this happened. Mulder: Well, if you won't let me look at the drive, then I have to talk to Goldman about what the deceased was trying to access before he died. Guard: I'm not authorized to confirm that I have knowledge of the whereabouts of the Founder. Scully: Can you confirm that you have security cameras watching over the entire complex? There's that one, and I saw a few more out there. Guard: Yes. Scully: In that case, I'd like to see all of the tapes. As soon as possible. Guard: All right. I'll have those sent over. But for now, remove this body so we can secure this room. Scully: Sorry, we're not finished-- Mulder: Oh, we are finished. We are finished. [SCENE_BREAK] Scully: Mulder, that's not your phone. Mulder: You know me, Scully. I'm old-school. Scully: Riley vs. California. The Supreme Court ruled that you needed a warrant to search a mobile phone. Mulder: That's for a suspect. Sanjay's the victim. Scully: Well, there is no victim. He killed himself. Mulder: Well, then, I'm sure he won't mind me talking to some of his friends. Here's someone he talked to every night. "Gupta." Scully: Dr. Sanjay is from western India. Gupta's a Marathi word. It means "secret." Mulder: How do you know that? Scully: I'm old-school, Mulder. Pre-Google. [SCENE_BREAK] (blues song playing in background) ♪ tell me, baby... ♪ Mulder: Gupta? Thanks for meeting me. My name is... Gupta: No... no names, please. You're Sonny's friend? (no voice) Gupta: Is that guy bothering you? Mulder: Not yet. Gupta: What... do you... want? Mulder: I want to talk. Can we go somewhere more private? Gupta: I don't... know you well enough. Mulder: I'm safe. You can trust me. Gupta: Come on. Mulder: Oh, whoa, whoa, no. Gupta: Well, you said you wanted to "talk." Mulder: Yes. I-I don't think that means exactly what you think it means. Or... or I'm not... Gupta: You guys are all alike, you know? You say you want to walk on the wild side, but when it comes down to it... you're repressed. I finally let go of all that, that self-loathing and that judgment and I'm free. Stop tormenting yourself. The truth is in here. Mulder: Yeah, I've-I've heard something like that. Hey, listen, I-I-I gotta tell you... (clears throat) Sanjay is dead. [SCENE_BREAK] [ FBI MORGUE WASHINGTON, D.C. ] [SCENE_BREAK] Scully: Deceased is a male, 35 years old, five-foot-eight and three-quarters inches, 180 pounds. (sighs) The probable cause of death is the introduction-- self-propelled-- of a letter opener into the cerebral cortex by way of the ear canal. (sighs, groans) I will now commence with my overall external examination. [SCENE_BREAK] Gupta: The last couple of weeks, he was... he was distant. He was... he was troubled. I... I thought it was me, you know? We hadn't gotten together for a while. I mean, he'd call me every night, but nothing... Mulder: .. physical. Did he talk to you about his problems? About work? Gupta: Yeah. Yeah, he said he was upset about his kids. He said they were dying. Mulder: His kids? He was single. Gupta: I didn't push it. I just tried to make him feel better. Mulder: Well, I saw where he lived. There was nothing there. He lived an antiseptic life. Gupta: He lived two lives. In two separate places. (phone buzzing) Mulder: Excuse me. Yeah. Scully: Mulder, you gotta see this. [SCENE_BREAK] Scully: I had to break his fingers to pry them open. But he wrote that on the palm of his hand before he died. Mulder: "Founder's Mutation." Scully: The Founder is what they called Dr. Goldman at Nugenics. Is that why you wanted to talk to him? Mulder: I don't think that's the mutation Sanjay was referring to. Did you find anything else on the autopsy? Scully: Well, there were no abnormalities in Dr. Sanjay's brain. The opener destroyed the acoustic nerve and then went into the cerebral cortex. Mulder: It's weird, because the opener goes in at 90 degrees and then it veers off at 60 degrees up into his brain, like he was hunting for something. Scully: Yeah. It ended up in the auditory cortex. You know... he blurted something out at the meeting, before his suicide. He said, "Can't anyone hear that?" Mulder: Hmm. Scully: But nobody else could hear a thing. Mulder: Well, ultimately, hearing is just nerve impulses interpreted by the brain. What if those same impulses could be generated without actual vibrations striking the ear drum? Scully: Hmm. Mulder: Well, anyway. If he left a note on his hand, maybe he left other clues. Scully: But where? We've checked out every square inch of his apartment. Mulder: Well, he leased a place that only Gupta knew about. I think we should go to where he actually lived. [SCENE_BREAK] [ DUPONT CIRCLE WASHINGTON, D.C. ] [SCENE_BREAK] (indistinct conversations) Scully: It's hard to imagine, in 2016, that Sanjay had to keep his lifestyle preferences a secret. Mulder: Being gay wasn't his only secret. (tires screech, man grunts) [SCENE_BREAK] Scully: Mulder? (distant): I found something. Mulder: His kids. Scully: Yeah. Mulder: Sanjay was afraid they were dying. These kids, they look so young. None of them look older than ten. Look at the backgrounds. Scully: It's a clinical setting. It looks like it might be a hospital. (car doors shut in distance) Scully: The police are coming up. We must have triggered a silent alarm. Mulder: All right, look around-- he's bound to have kept some information on them somewhere. (tone ringing) Mulder: (groans) Scully: Mulder? Mulder, are you okay? (footsteps approach) Scully: They're coming. Mulder. Man (distant): Police officer! Officer (distorted): Lady, put your hands where I can see 'em! Scully (distorted): FBI. (tone continues ringing) (nails scraping) (tone ringing, nails scraping, no voice) (tone stops) Scully: (distorted, indistinct, then:) ...find her. (distorted): Help me. (distorted): Find her. (echoing): Find her... Find her... Find her... (tone ringing, increasing in intensity) [SCENE_BREAK] Skinner: Do you have anything to add to this, Agent Scully? Scully: If you look at the files that we found in Dr. Sanjay's apartment... Skinner: No, I can't look at those. Scully: They're right over there. Murphy: These files are classified. They're the property of the Department of Defense. Mulder: Well, I've had a look at them. Those files are the medical records of children with grave genetic abnormalities. How those children relate to Dr. Sanjay's suicide is the object of our investigation. Skinner: Well, considering the fact that you just lost access to those files, your investigation is closed. I'll submit the report on the suicide to the proper authorities. We're done here. Murphy: (clears throat) Let me remind you, Agents Mulder and Scully, dissemination of any classified material, either internally or publically, will be dealt with harshly. Mulder: I'm familiar with Edward Snowden. Skinner: I assume you made copies. Mulder: I managed some top sheets before the DoD took over. I think those children are failed experiments. Skinner: So you suspect the Department of Defense is experimenting with genetic modification on humans? What do you think? Scully: I think there were many troubling details to this case, and, um... if Agent Mulder has nothing more to add... Mulder: I don't. Scully: .. then I think we need time to prove his theory. Skinner: The bureaucracy in the FBI has become increasingly complex and inefficient. It might take days for your incident report and order to close the investigation to make it through the proper channels. Welcome back, you two. [SCENE_BREAK] [ FOX MULDER - Special Agent (sign on office door) ] [SCENE_BREAK] Mulder: Surveillance footage? Scully: Yeah, from Nugenics. I've been working on syncing all the cameras to the exact time code of Dr. Sanjay's suicide. (sighing) There. What happened to you at Sanjay's apartment, Mulder? I can understand why you wouldn't want to tell Skinner, but I was there, I saw you on your knees in pain. Mulder: I heard sounds. It was a high-pitched frequency, like-like a steel spike being driven through my head. And then it focused into two words... "Find her." Scully: There were no sounds. I didn't hear anything. Mulder: Look at those birds. Scully: Maybe they seeded the lawn that morning. Mulder: Infrasounds, Scully. Vibrations inaudible to the human ear but known to drive the worms up through the soil to the surface, in response to them. Scully: Mulder, how are these connected? The birds, the suicide, the kids, the genetic anomalies. What are you hiding? Mulder: Augustus Goldman is the only one who might know how it all fits together. We gotta talk to him. What are you hiding? (keyboard clacks) Scully: Sanjay heard sounds... right before he committed suicide. That could be you, Mulder. This is dangerous. Mulder: (scoffs) When has that ever stopped us before? Scully: I might know how to get to Goldman. [SCENE_BREAK] [ OUR LADY OF SORROWS HOSPITAL WASHINGTON, D.C. ] [SCENE_BREAK] Sister Mary: Augustus. Yes, I know him well, but he's a very private person. Some would say reclusive. Without him, we wouldn't have the resources to help these women in need. He's a true champion of the unborn. Scully: Dr. Goldman is a blessing. That's why we're here today. I've become aware of a situation that I wanted to share with you. Dr. Goldman is under investigation. Mulder: Obamacare. Scully: We wanted to spare him the indignity of having the government knock at his door unannounced. I was wondering if we could meet with him in private. Sister Mary: Dana, I'm afraid Our Lady of Sorrows cannot be a conduit for the FBI to one of our biggest donors. Scully: Sister Mary, I've worked here for seven years. You know me. Sister Mary: Yes, and I know your heart's in the right place. Scully: I wouldn't ask if it weren't important. Sister Mary: I have a number I can call. I'll agree to relay a message. Scully: Thank you. Mulder: Ask Dr. Goldman if he'll talk to us about the Founder's Mutation. Sister Mary: Stay here. (tapping on glass) Agnes: I got to get out of here. Mulder: What's your name? Agnes: Agnes. You got a car? Scully: Do you want to call someone? Agnes: You think if I could call someone I would be asking you? Just forget it. I knew you weren't gonna help me. Scully: Agnes. Wait. I'm a doctor. You can tell me anything. Agnes: I don't belong here. Not with these sheep. I don't care what I signed. Scully: The hospital is only concerned with the health of the mother and the baby. Agnes: My baby. Scully: Of course, your baby. Agnes: I changed my mind. I'm not giving it up. I don't care if he's sick. Mulder: Sick? Agnes: My baby's not right. They saw it on the... ultrasound thing, and I had a feeling, you know, ever since I got pregnant. But everybody here has the same story. Just don't say anything. I was just kidding around, okay? Mulder: If you ever want to talk. Sister Mary: I've spoken to Augustus. He said he'd be happy to meet you. Scully: Thank you. Mulder: Sister Mary, how are the patients chosen to be here? Sister Mary: They're homeless, damaged in one way or another. Alcohol, drugs, no fathers in the picture. Men and their lies. No offense. Desire is the devil's pitchfork. But as long as there's a need and an innocent child, we'll provide for each and every one. [SCENE_BREAK] Mulder: It's insidious, Scully. A ward for pregnant women paid for by Augustus Goldman, the founder of a company with deep ties to the Department of Defense. This could be another phase of the project-- their experiments in eugenics. Those women in there... could be incubators. Scully: Mulder... I'm not a fragile little girl. Mulder: Scully... Scully: This is what you suspected all along, but were afraid to articulate. Is this what you believe happened to me 15 years ago? When I got pregnant, when I had my baby? Was I just an incubator? Mulder: You're never "just" anything to me, Scully. Scully: Do you ever think about William? Mulder: Yes, of course I do, but I've... I feel like I've had to put that behind me. Scully: He'd be 15 years old now. And I've missed every single year of his life. And sometimes... I hate myself that I didn't have the courage to stand by him. Mulder: You did what you did to keep him safe. His adoption is secret, his location is unknown because you had to protect him. Scully: Do you believe he was an experiment? Mulder: I don't know. Scully: What if he's out there somewhere, like one of those kids on Sanjay's wall, fighting for his life? Mulder: All we can do, Scully, is pull the thread, see what it unravels. [SCENE_BREAK] (class bell ringing, student chatting) Scully: It's the first day of school. Are you nervous? Your hands are sweaty. William: Ew! That's you. Scully: (laughs) What's the most important thing to remember? William: Sit still, listen, say "excuse me" if you fart. Scully: (laughs) The most important thing to remember is that I love you. That's all you have to remember. Come on, let's go say hi to your teacher. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] (bell ringing, kids chattering) William: Hi, Mom. Bye, Mom. Scully: Be home in time for dinner! [SCENE_BREAK] Scully: (quietly): Will... William: I'm scared. Scully: You're gonna be fine. You've just broken your arm. Does it hurt anywhere else? Okay, we're gonna get you to the hospital, and take some X-rays to make sure you don't have a concussion, okay, honey? [SCENE_BREAK] William: Mom! Mom, please! Mom! Scully: (gasps) William: What's happening to me? [SCENE_BREAK] [ GOLDMAN TECHNOLOGY WASHINGTON, D.C. ] [SCENE_BREAK] Dr. Goldman: "Founder's Mutation." Intriguing message. Mulder: It's what Sanjay wrote on his hand. Dr. Goldman: Yes, before his unfortunate act of self-destruction. Very dramatic, but meaningless. Scully: I've read everything you published, Dr. Goldman. It seems your research deals primarily with genetic manipulation. Dr. Goldman: Let me try to explain to you what we do here. It's no secret. We're trying to save children. I won't tell you their last names, to protect their privacy, but I can tell you what they are fighting against-- Proteus syndrome... Crouzon syndrome... all kinds of cancerous tumors... epidermal displasia... Pitt-Hawkins syndrome, ichthyosis, Marfan syndrome, among others. We are a cutting-edge research facility for these unfortunate patients. There's absolutely no cost involved to be treated here. Would you like to talk to him? Scully: Sure. (switch clicks) Dr. Goldman: Adam? Dr. Goldman (over speaker): You have a visitor. Scully (over speaker): Hi, Adam. Scully: My name is Dr. Scully. How long have you been here, Adam? Adam: Forever. Scully: And where are your parents? Adam: I don't have any. Dr. Goldman: He was sent to us as a baby. Adam has a form of Crouzon syndrome. Scully: And why is he in a sealed room? All of the children. He has a genetic disorder. He's not contagious. Dr. Goldman: Thank you, Adam. We are working with therapies unavailable anywhere in the world. We need to eliminate the environmental factors that could affect the outcome. I am searching for the key that was the seed to all of these terrible genetic abnormalities. Scully: Alien DNA? Is that why the Department of Defense is funding your research? Dr. Goldman: Dr. Scully, I was told that you were the rational one. Molly: No! Let go! Man: Molly! Oop! Molly: Let go of me! No! No! No! No! No! Dr. Goldman: I'm afraid that that is all the time that I have. Sarah will show you out. Sarah: This way, please. Scully: He didn't answer my question. (Molly screaming) Molly: Let go of me! Man: Molly! Molly! Molly: No! No! No! No! (Molly continues screaming and yelling) Scully: Did you see that, Mulder? Mulder: Interesting. (beeping) Mulder: Something's happened to Agnes. [SCENE_BREAK] Officer: We found the victim with your card in her pocket. Hit and run-- car was moving pretty fast. Skid marks from back there up to the point of impact. (siren approaching) Officer: We're checking cameras in the area. No witnesses. Scully: What about the baby? Officer: What are you talking about? Scully: She was pregnant. Mulder: The baby's gone. (siren wailing) [SCENE_BREAK] Scully: Mulder... Mulder: Hmm? Scully: Agnes died from blunt force trauma. Most likely from the impact of the car. Her right ulna was broken in two places, her lungs were lacerated by broken ribs, and her skull was crushed. Mulder: What about the baby? Scully: Surgically removed. I couldn't tell if the fetus was still alive when it was taken from her womb, but... they took it, Mulder. To get rid of evidence. Agnes wanted to talk. She left the hospital. That baby was the only proof that she was part of Goldman's experiment. Mulder: What if the baby was still alive? Scully: Mulder, that car hit her so hard that a, an adult woman with the benefit of a mature skeletal structure wasn't able to survive the impact. It's highly unlikely that the baby would remain viable. Mulder: Unlikely for human fetuses. In 1973, the Syndicate was convened to assist in a project to colonize the world by creating alien/human hybrids. The project was ultimately unsuccessful. I doubt they ever stopped trying. Scully: But what you're talking about is changing the genetic makeup of a population. That's the next step in evolution. Mulder: Every new species begins with a Founder's Mutation. One child with the correct combination of DNA could be a start. Scully: There was a study published last year in Nature Communications, by Batini and Hallast, that found that Y chromosomes in the majority of European men could be traced back to just three individuals from the Bronze Age. Mulder: I did some digging around the police archives, looking for anything related to Goldman. 17 years ago, Jackie Goldman was remanded to St. Elizabeth's hospital as a forensics patient. She was adjudicated criminally insane. Scully: Dr. Goldman's wife? Mulder: She was convicted of murdering her baby. That body also was never found. [SCENE_BREAK] [ SAINT ELIZABETH HOSPITAL WASHINGTON, D.C. ] [SCENE_BREAK] Mulder: Mrs. Goldman, we'd like to ask you a few questions about your husband. About his work? Scully: Mulder, she hasn't said anything in ten minutes. (yowling) Mulder: You don't like cats? Mrs. Goldman: What do you want? Scully: Can we ask you a few questions, Jackie? Mrs. Goldman: Not about my husband. He is the one still keeping me here. Mulder: Do you miss your daughter? Mrs. Goldman: Molly. [ Flashback ] Mrs. Goldman: You should see, uh, that one, that one. Mrs. Goldman (O.C.): I love my daughter. But... there was... something odd... about her. I felt it from the day she was born. I-I didn't know for sure... until she was two. Mrs. Goldman: Where's Molly? Mrs. Goldman (O.C.): She fell in the pool and nobody noticed. Molly was underwater for at least ten minutes. She should've been dead. I never told anyone else this. Not only was she alive... she was breathing in the water. (muffled exclamation) [ End Flashback ] Mrs. Goldman: The other moms thought it was a miracle. But I knew what it was. My husband... did... something to the embryo. He used our own daughter for his research. I was nine months pregnant at the time. I was not about to let him have my son. I had to get away from that monster. [ Flashback ] Mrs. Goldman: (gasping) Dr. Goldman: Please... don't go. I love you. Mrs. Goldman: I want my daughter, Augustus. Dr. Goldman: She is safe, so are you, right here with me. Mrs. Goldman: What did you do to her?! Dr. Goldman: Jackie! Jackie! Mrs. Goldman: No! (panting) [ End Flashback ] Mrs. Goldman: He took Molly away. He hid her from me. So I got in the car and I drove. I just drove, no idea where to go. I knew there was no chance they would leave me alone. I had another baby in my belly. Mulder: "They"? Mrs. Goldman: The government. Augustus worked for them. I couldn't trust anyone. Especially the police. I was so scared. I was going too fast. [ Flashback ] Mrs. Goldman (O.C.): And there was an animal in the middle of the road. I-I panicked and I crashed. (moaning) (gasping) (grunting) (sobs) (grunting) Mrs. Goldman (O.C.): I thought I was gonna die. (rapid gasping) Mrs. Goldman (O.C.): But that's when I heard the sound. (tone ringing) (screams) [ End Flashback ] Mrs. Goldman: It was so loud and piercing; it hurt. It was in my head. [ Flashback ] (tone ringing) (screaming) Mrs. Goldman (O.C.): He was talking to me in the only way that he knew how. And I knew what I had to do. [ End Flashback ] Mrs. Goldman: They said I killed my baby. I didn't. [ Flashback ] Mrs. Goldman (O.C.): I let him out. [ End Flashback ] Scully: Do you know what happened to your son? Mrs. Goldman: Passed out from loss of blood. Woke up in a hospital. I never saw my boy again. I think about him every day. Scully: A mother never forgets. [SCENE_BREAK] Scully: All my training, everything that I know about psychology tells me that she's delusional, but, Mulder, there's something about her that I trust. Mulder: She heard a tone in her head, a screech-- that's what happened to me. Scully: Are you saying that you think the baby that communicated with her communicated with you? Mulder: Wouldn't be a baby anymore. Excuse me. Uh, you don't work for the hospital, do you? You're a subcontractor? Man: Yeah. A-1 Janitorial. We're all over the city. Mulder: Thank you. Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] Mulder: A-1 Janitorial also services Nugenics. You'll recognize the uniform. He's cleaning the office directly above the Secured Servers vault. He's no more than 15 feet away from Dr. Sanjay at the time of his death. (tapping keys) Scully: Action, reaction. (beeping) Mulder: I made a request for the name of the janitor on duty. Turns out he also worked at St. Elizabeth's last month. High school dropout Kyle Gilligan. We got him. [SCENE_BREAK] Scully: I'm Special Agent Scully. This is Special Agent Mulder. We'd like to speak with Kyle Gilligan. Mrs. Gilligan: I'm his mother. Mulder: Is he around? We'd like to ask him a few questions about an incident at work. Mrs. Gilligan: The suicide? Mulder: You heard about that. Mrs. Gilligan: There's not a thing that goes on in my son's life that I don't know. Scully: Well, we'd still like to speak with him. Mrs. Gilligan: He's got nothing to say. Scully: Why don't you let us decide that? Mrs. Gilligan: I don't like to expose my son to stressful situations. It's not good for him. He doesn't understand it. He's simple. And he's a minor. And I won't allow it. Mulder: You didn't give birth to Kyle. Scully: (quietly) Mulder... Mrs. Gilligan: What did you say? Mulder: After the accident, where'd you find him? Mrs. Gilligan: Get the hell off my porch. Mulder: Your son is unique; have you ever wondered why? Mrs. Gilligan: Get out! Scully: Mulder, she's making it pretty clear. (birds cawing, wings fluttering) (birds screeching, squawking) Mrs. Gilligan: (quietly) Bad things happen when the birds gather. (tone ringing) Mulder: Aah! (ringing intensifies) Mulder: Aah... (groaning) Scully: Mulder...? Mulder! Mulder! (gasps) Where is he?! (tone ringing intensely) Mulder: (yelling in pain) Scully: Where is he?! (birds squawking) (mother shouting) (tone continues ringing) (tone ringing) Scully: Whatever you're doing, stop right there. (inhales) Mrs. Gilligan: Don't take him! (crying) Don't! Please don't take him! He didn't know what he was doing! He was just trying to protect me! [SCENE_BREAK] Mulder: Is that true, Kyle? That you don't know what you're doing? Why did you kill Dr. Sanjay? Kyle: I didn't want him to die. Mulder: You made him kill himself. Kyle: No! I would never. He was... was helping me. Mulder: You got inside his head. You got inside my head. You can make people hear things. Like you just did; like you did to me in Sanjay's apartment. But you can't control it. Kyle: I just want to find my sister. Scully: Molly? Mulder: At the hospital, where you worked. You heard Jackie's story. Kyle: She told me that he has her. And Jackie is my real mother, okay? I have to find my sister. Mulder: Kyle, nobody knows where she is. Scully: I know who knows. [SCENE_BREAK] (switch clicks) Dr. Goldman: Hmm. Would you mind if I took some blood? Kyle: Where's Molly? Dr. Goldman: How do you know that name? Kyle: My... (gasps, groans) ...mother told me to find her. Dr. Goldman: And what would you do... once you found her? Kyle: I don't... know. Dr. Goldman: I'm gonna let you meet Molly. [SCENE_BREAK] Kyle: Molly? (quiet laugh) Molly: What's your name? Kyle: Kyle. (quiet laugh) No. Y-You're not my sister. No! (clattering, thudding) Scully: Kyle...? Kyle: Molly? You're Molly. Molly (telepathically): I didn't know I had a brother. Kyle: I can hear you. Are you ready? (rumbling) Mulder: Kyle! (electrical buzzing and crackling) Dr. Goldman: Molly! No! No! Molly: Daddy, just let me go! Dr. Goldman: Get the hell away from her! (tone ringing, electrical buzzing) (screaming) Scully: Kyle! Mulder: Scully! (Goldman screaming) (electrical buzzing) Mulder: Aah! (Goldman screams in agony) (tone ringing intensely) (Goldman screaming) [SCENE_BREAK] Skinner, keep your people behind the red tape. (helicopter flying over) Skinner: Department of Defense has control of the facility. It's now classified as top secret. We no longer have jurisdiction here. Scully: Have they found Molly or Kyle? Skinner: You were the last one to see them, Agent Mulder. Mulder: I blacked out after Goldman's eyes popped out of their sockets. Believe me, you can't unsee that. Skinner: Well, they're gone; there's no trace of them anywhere. (helicopter flying over) Scully: Kyle's blood. Mulder: A trace. [ Flashback ] (growls, screeches) William: Monkeys. Mulder: Yeah, that's... well, that's early man, William. (screeching, hooting) Mulder: And that's the monolith. William: What's a "momomyth"? Mulder: Some people think it represents our first contact with aliens. Other people think it represents the beginning of human knowledge. I... I think one day you'll probably have your own ideas about it. (hooting, grunting, screeching) William: Dad... Mulder: Hmm? William: My fin broke. Mulder: Oh. William: Space is hard. Mulder: "All great and honorable actions are undertaken with great difficulty." (imitating President Kennedy): "We choose to go to the Moon in this decade and do other things, not because they're easy... Both: "But because they are hard." (chuckles) Mulder: That's right. William: Come on, let's light this candle. We'll do yours first. Mulder: Okay. There you go. You ready? William: Yep. Mulder: Five, four, three, two, one. William: Ignition. I'm gonna go up there someday. William (O.C.): Dad! Mulder: William! (rumbling) William: Dad! Mulder: No! (rumbling fades) [ End Flashback ] [SCENE_BREAK] Scully: Right now, we are in deep trouble. (yells) Scully: We'll be getting another case, Mulder. It has a monster in it. (both yelling) Scully: It's a fresh kill. Mulder: So we're looking for a man-sized horned lizard with human teeth. Scully: Mulder, the internet is not good for you. (growls) Mulder?! The X-Files-- all new next Monday on FOX.

With the X-Files now re-opened, Mulder and Scully are assigned to investigate the mysterious suicide death of a geneticist. Their search leads them to a research facility where extreme genetic experimentation has bred subjects possessing strange powers.

fd_The_Mentalist_02x04

fd_The_Mentalist_02x04_0

At the murder scene Jane: Oh, it's lovely. Lisbon: It's a crime scene. Jane: It's a lovely crime scene. Rigsby: Hey. Couple joggers found our John Doe on their morning run. Body's still pretty fresh, so it must've happened last night. No signs of an entry or exit wound means cause was probably a blunt force trauma to the head . Lisbon: And they brought in the grown-ups because they couldn't decide whose sandbox it was? Rigsby: Right. Body's right on the city line. The only thing they can agree on is that it was a carJacking gone wrong. Wallet, watch, wedding band- everything gone. Jane looks at the body and finds a cuff link Jane: Oh, not everything. Kkiller would have been very frustrated to not be able to take this. Lisbon: Looks like a wheel. Jane: Motorcycle wheel. Lisbon: I don't buy it as a carJacking. maybe the murderer was covering it up as one, but if you're after someone's car and valuables, you grab and bolt. You don't waste time taking off a cuff link. Rigsby: A gunshot or a stab wound Is more likely than a beating. Lisbon: Beating like this takes time. The murder was personal. Jane: No surprise there. The haircut, the suit, the cologne- This man had enemies. Rigsby: His cologne tells you he had enemies? Jane: Sure. okay, confrontional. Finishing touch on a wardrobe that says, "pay attention. show respect." This was an extrovert tough guy, a professional, a backroom politician or a lawyer, a fixer, the type that's good with people, making people do things they maybe don't want to do. Lisbon: Uh, what he is, is useless until we know who he is. Jane: Well, I can do that, too. He finds a headset Rigsby: Oh, no, Jane. I, uh, I checked. the phone's not on him. Jane: The signal light's still on. Phone's in range. Lisbon: His assailant probably threw it in the trees. What are you doing? Jane: I'm making a call. Lisbon: But you don't have the phone. Jane: I have my voice. Lisbon: You still need the phone. Want to use the voice activation? You need its names and numbers. Jane: There is one name programmed into every phone, particularly into one belonging to a middle-aged man that was wearing a wedding band. Home. The cell phone rings Woman: Hello? Jane: Hello. This is Patrick Jane from the California Bureau of Investigation. I was wondering if you knew a man 6-feet tall, mid 40s, salt and pepper hair, gray custom-made suit, weighing about 192, give or take? Woman: That's my husband Gordon Hodge. Jane: Gordon Hodge, hmm. Woman: You said you're from CBI? Is something wrong? Jane: Uh, just a sec. (He gives headset to Lisbon) It's for you. The team is Hodge's home Nina Hodge: I knew something like this would happen, sooner or later. Lisbon: Well, was your husband having some sort of trouble lately? Nina: Gordon was a criminal attorney with a very special practice. He had only one client- the Sinner Saints. Jane: Bikers, are they? Rigsby: Yeah, they're one of the top biker gangs in the state. They run some legit businesses, but mostly they're into drugs and prostitution, low-rent protection rackets, that kind of thing. Nina: For years, I begged him to get out, but Gordon said that a lawyer never abandons his client. it's unethical. It's what he always called them- never "the gang, " always "the client." Lisbon: When was the last time you saw him? Nina: Yesterday morning, before work. Gordon used to meet these people at all hours- That's how they are. So we didn't get worried when he didn't come home last night. Lisbon: Had he been acting differently lately? Nina: He'd been more on edge the last week or so. I think something happened at work, but I'm not sure what. Lisbon: Did you ask him about it? Nina: No, never. Work was off-limits. Lucas Hodge: He said it was boring. Jane: What was the real reason? Do you think he was ashamed, or he sensed your shame? Lucas: He wanted to protect us. Lisbon: Would his colleagues at the office have known what was going on? Nina: No. He was a one-man shop. Didn't even have a secretary. Gordon didn't trust anyone with his business. Lisbon: Any idea who might have wanted to kill him? Nina: Well, you might want to ask his client. He knew all their secrets. He probably learned something that he shouldn't have. Rigsby: Either of you ever meet any of those scumbags? Lucas: No. Jane: You two must be very torn- living in such a beautiful home, driving nice cars, going to good schools, 'll paid for by dangerous criminals, Or, uh, "scumbags, " as my colleague says. Nina: Do I wish that Gordon would've defended civil rights leaders? Yes, of course ! But he believed that everyone had a constitutional right to have a good defense. He had his principles. Lisbon: Thank you for your time. They go out of the house Lisbon: Did you go to some interview school I've never heard of? Next time, get the facts, save the editorial. Rigsby: Yes, ma'am. He looks at Jane Lisbon: I know. Jane did it, too. He's not a CBI agent. From you, I expect professional standards. Rigsby: Yes, boss. Cho arrives Cho: That was the captain of the local c. h.i. p.s. Hodge's car was just fished out of a lake about a mile from the murder scene- no good for prints. He said that two weeks back, they busted Hodge at a highway rest stop, walking to his car with 2 ounces of coke and 2 ounces of meth in his pockets. Nailed him with felony possession... Rigsby: Nice. Cho: Only the d. a. dropped the charges. There was some unlawful search technicality. Lisbon: Either Hodge is a great lawyer... Cho: Or the d. a. turned him in exchange for dropping the charges-planned to use him as an informant. Rigsby: Well, if the saints found out- Cho: Yeah, they'd kill him. they did know about the charges. Their boss, Von Mcbride, posted Hodge's bail. Lisbon: Well, talk to your friends at the D.A. Find out what the story is there. Jane and I will go talk to the Sinner Saints. Cho: Okay, be careful. Rigsby: You want me to come for backup? Lisbon: Uh, no. talk to forensics about the car. Jane, let's go. now, please? Come on. Jane and Lisbon are in front of the Sinner Saints Bar Jane: (Speaking about motorcycles) Beautiful, huh? Lisbon: No, not really. I fail to see the charm. Jane: It's the glamour of mobility. That's why the girls went for Cain and not Abel. Lisbon: Is that right? Jane: Yeah. nomads- sexier than farmers. They have romance. The Lisbon's cellphone rings. She picks up Lisbon: Lisbon. Cho: I spoke to my friend in the D.A.'s office. They didn't make a deal with Hodge. They let him go 'cause the case was less than ironclad, and they've already lost too many to hodge and the saints. Last 10 years, they've beaten the rap in over 50 cases- Murder, rape, drug-trafficking. they're bulletproof. Jane: Nobody's bulletproof. Cho: Well, my friend says to stay away from them. That they're bad news. Lisbon: Good, sound lawyerly advice. I'll take that under advisement. (She hangs up) You ready? They enter the bar. Bikers look at them Lisbon: (To Jane) There's romance for you. (To bikers) We're with the CBI. We're looking for Von Mcbride. Xander: Not here, which is where you need to be. Lisbon: Well, can you tell us where he is? Xander: No. I cannot. Lisbon: Listen, we're here for information, Not trouble, boys. Xander: Well, we've got nothing to say. Lisbon: I can take you in if you want me to. I prefer to talk here. Xander: Like I said, there's nothing to talk about. We're not doing anything illegal. Jane goes to the back room where a man plays Jane: Mr Mcbride? Lisbon: (To Xander) It was nice talking to you. Jane: Your focus on this pressing matter suggests you're the man in charge here. McBride: Yeah, well, keep on walking, blondie. Lisbon: We just have a few questions for you. It won't take long. McBride: Yeah, well, I'm sorry. I don't, uh, talk to police officers on the advice of my lawyer. Lisbon: Your lawyer's dead. McBride: Yeah, I heard that. But his advice is still good. Xander: Means your business here is done. Jane: Oh. You don't want to know who the informant is, then? Xander: What informant? Jane: Oh, I'm sorry. Forget I spoke. Xander: You messing with me? Jane: Yeah, I'm messing with you. There's no informant. Xander: Come here. Lisbon: You touch him, and I'll arrest you. Xander: I would love to see you try and do that. Jane: What's your name? Xander: Xander. Jane: Xander, your threats are empty. She's a state agent. You're not gonna lay a finger on her, and you know that, so why play tough? W-where's that come from, this need to intimidate? Xander: I'm a sadist, and I bore easily. Jane: Oh. me, I see a difficult childhood- Bad parenting, a lot of torment. But I also see how that suffering gave you great powers of empathy and a strong creative side, and those are the qualities you should try and nurture in yourself. Not this brutish character you try to hide behind. McBride: Oh, that's Xander, all right. Full of empathy. You guys want a drink? Jane: Sure. Later, Lisbon and McBride are sitting at a table. Jane plays billards McBride: So what's this crap about an informant? Lisbon: How long have you know about hodge's taste for coke and meth? McBride: Couple years. Guy liked to party, but he could still do his job. A woman arrives and sits at their table Jane: Couldn't have been too thrilled when he got busted. McBride: Case got dropped. Jane: Must've wondered why. McBride: Illegal search. Jane: Yeah. Either that or Hodge, uh, flipped on you. Diamond: That son of a- McBride: Hold on a second, Diamond. He didn't flip. There is no informant. Lisbon: Where were you last night? McBride: Right here. And I got 30 other brothers who will vouch for me and each other. Look, man, none of my guys did this. We loved Gordon, man. he was like a member of the club. Diamond: You know, he couldn't ride worth a damn. McBride: No, he couldn't, huh? He tried, though. Lisbon: Who killed him? McBride: My guess? Probably some other motorcycle club looking to put us out of business- Chaos Brigade, Bolos Plata. Shouting from front of the bar Woman: Get your hands off of me! get off me! Help! get your hands off of me! Get off of me! Get off of me! Lisbon: Let her go, and back away! Back away now! Woman: Get your hands off me! You're murderers! All of you! Lisbon: Ma'am, take it easy. I'm CBI. Ma'am! But the woman run away In the bar, are McBride and Jane Jane: Who was that?Sshe a friend of yours? McBride: Never seen her before. Mentally deranged, seems like. Poor thing. Jane: You know, you're a very good liar. Most people subconsciously signal dishonesty, but you? there's nothing. No inner conflict. Usually, that's the mark of what shrinks like to call a sociopath. McBride: Well, if by "sociopath, " you mean that if you cross me, I would enjoy watching you suffer pain before I kill you... Then, yeah, I'm a sociopath. See ya. Jane: Bye. In the CBI Rigsby: So we talked to the gang unit. There's no other biker gang would cross the saints and run the risk of starting a war that they couldn't win. Jane: This is incredible. you should see this. He is sitting on the sofa reading a paper Lisbon: Hold on. Anything on the woman in the parking lot? Jane: Sinner Saints have their own web site. Lisbon: (irritated) Really? Jane: Yeah. Cho: We cross-checked registrations of the truck model and color with driver's license photos fitting her description. No hits. truck must be registered to her husband or other family member. Lisbon: Mcbride's clamming up about her means he's hiding something. Jane: He's merged two other gangs into the saints in the last five years. It's the fastest growing gang in the nation. Lisbon: Go to Hodge's office. See if you can find anything on the gang's operation that pops. And have the deerfield P. D. Issue a bolo on the woman's pickup truck. Cho: Okay. Jane: You can buy logo merchandise- sinner saints coffee mugs, Decals, beach towels. whoa! And some various other interesting little knickknacks. Lisbon: Nice. Jane: Yeah. well, if they do it, we should do it. A range of casual wear, maybe? Sensible shoes? Lisbon: (ironic) I'll get right on that. Jane: Okay. Lisbon loafers. Van Pelt: (computer beeps) Found something, boss. These are Gordon Hodge's cell phone calls from the night of the murder. All were routine business calls- Von mcbride, other lawyers, court officials. But it's the last call that bumps. 7:23, incoming from a constance hoyt. Current address unknown. Lisbon: Must not want people finding her. Van Pelt: Well, I went back three months- A lot of calls between her and hodge. Lisbon: Did you try the number? Van Pelt: Twice. got one of those computer voice mail messages. Plus, I ran her name through the d. m.v. For registration of a black pickup truck. She's not your parking lot woman. Lisbon: Check Von Mcbride's cell phone records. See if he had any contact with this constance hoyt. Van Pelt: Bingo. Couple of chatty cathys. Lisbon: Talking three or four times a day. Either she's his mom, or... Van Pelt: His girlfriend. Lisbon and Van Pelt arrive front of the bar. Diamond leaves it. Lisbon: Constance? we just have a couple questions for you. But Constance rides off on the motorcycle Lisbon: I'll drive! Van Pelt: No time! Boss, seat belt. go! Tires screech. Engines revving Lisbon: Bike's got too much muscle. you're gonna have to- Van Pelt cuts her path and stops Constance Lisbon: Do not even think of moving. (To Van Pelt) I gotta get you out of the office more. Rigsby and Cho are going in Hodge's office Rigsby: Got hodge's office key? Cho: So what's your problem with bikers? Rigsby: I hate bikers. Cho: Why's that? Rigsby: My dad was a biker. Cho: Really? I didn't know that. Rigsby: No? I thought you read my file. Cho: Well, it says he was a big-time criminal. Didn't specify any affiliations. Rigsby looks at the doorknob Rigsy: Jimmy marks on the doorknob. Cho: Doubt that was part of the original decor. The get their guns and enter. Nobody is there but the offide is a mess. Rigsby: Door clear. Cho: Clear. Rigsby: Desk clear. Cracks are on the outside of the window. Means a previous break-in attempt. Think they were looking for something, or just trying to send a message? Cho looks behind the door Cho: Message was definitely a part of it. On the wall: "Burn in hell" Interrogation Room Jane: Do you prefer "Constance, " or "Diamond"? Constance: I prefer to get the hell out of here. Lisbon: You ran from the police, endangered the lives Of two agents. you could be here a couple of days. Constance: I don't think that's right. Lisbon: why'd you run? Constance: I ran because I'm dead if anyone sees me talking to cops. The Saints are all paranoid about informants now, which is why I'm not saying a word. Jane: Tell us about your affair with gordon hodge. Constance: I wasn't sleeping with Gordon. Jane: Oh. Uh... yes, you were. Constance: It was only a few months. we were just having fun. It's not like von doesn't sleep around on me and... Gordon treated me nice. Jane: You had genuine feelings for him. Constance: He was decent. He never looked down on you. Just got sucked in too deep with the Saints. Lisbon: Did you know he was arrested for possession? Constance: Told him a hundred times to be careful, but he got dumb about it. Jane: Ah, well, drugs simply make people careless. You had to be a little concerned about mcbride finding out. Constance: It would've made things complicated. Jane: "complicated" is one way to put it. Lisbon: So you called him that night. Then what happened? Did you go and see him? Constance: No! no. I called to break it off. I heard him answer the phone, and I'd tried to talk to him, but the line went dead. Lisbon: What about the woman in the parking lot? Constance: I don't know. Von doesn't talk gang business with me. Lisbon: Had you seen her before? Constance: she's come around a few times last couple of weeks, same thing- Lots of crazy yelling, then taking off. Look... You, um... You gotta promise that Von doesn't find out about me and Gordon. Lisbon: He keeps his cards close. He could already know- Killed Hodge out of jealousy. Constance: Trust me. If Von knew, Gordon's wouldn't be the only dead body. Only one other person knew. And that was bad enough. Lisbon: Who was that other person? Lisbon is in Hodge's and talks with his wife Lisbon: We have information that suggests you knew about gordon and another woman. Nina: Yes, I did. Lisbon: How? Nina: About four months ago, I found a valet stub on the driveway from the deerfield inn. So one night, I followed him and saw him go in with that biker girl. Lisbon: Did you confront him? Nina: More like yell and hit him. He promised he'd stop seeing her. I took him at his word, and I never asked him about it again. Lisbon: why not? Nina: Because I didn't want to hear him lie to me. Lisbon: Mrs. Hodge... Nina: What? Lisbon: If you picked up on your husband's affair, you must've suspected about his other illicit activities. Nina: I knew about the drugs and the partying. He was surrounded by it. Lisbon: Why didn't you tell us about this earlier? Nina: Because Gordon is dead. Anything that I said or did would not bring him back. My son draws stares and whispers because of his father, agent lisbon. Both of us- we deserve to grieve without shame and scandal, don't we? Lisbon: Yes, you do. [SCENE_BREAK] CBI Lisbon: And if she'd followed her husband once before, She could've tailed him again and killed him. Jane: No, she didn't do it. She loved him. Lisbon: She was a prisoner of her husband's life. She gets rid of him, gets a fresh start. Jane: People trapped in miserable lives. Always talk about escaping. few actually do it. It's easier just to close your eyes and pretend the misery doesn't exist. Rigsby: Boss, you might want to see this. Cho looks at video Cho: This is from a security camera across the street. It was the third incident in two weeks. Building owner said hodge didn't want to report the earlier ones because he didn't want deerfield P. D. combing through. His office and accidentally finding something in his sinner saints file. There. Lisbon: Magnify. The woman from the parking lot. In the bar McBride: Chaos Brigade controls distribution over in rancho rosa, but I figure if we move right now, we can move into stratton. Jane: What's up, my brothers? Lisbon: We just have one quick follow-up question for you. McBride: I've exceeded my quota of answering cops' questions. And my quota of crazy. Lisbon: The woman in the parking lot. McBride: Uh, like I said, she must've mistaken me- Lisbon: She was seen vandalizing hodge's office. McBride: She find anything she shouldn't have? Lisbon: His files were intact. she got nothing. McBride: We have nothing further to talk about, then. Lisbon: The sooner this case is closed, the sooner we're gone and you're back to business as usual. McBride: Last name is Guthrie. She's the sister of a gentleman I was accused of killing. Falsely, of course. Trial was a couple of weeks ago, Gordon hit a home run. Got me off. Lisbon: And you weren't eager to I. D. her because you didn't want us poking around your case? McBride: Hey, all I know is that she's been coming around From time to time, saying some very offensive things. Lisbon: Thanks for your cooperation. McBride: You think she killed Gordon? Lisbon: Like I said, thanks for your cooperation. Jane: I've got one last question. If Hodge wasn't the informant in your gang, who do you think it is? I mean, I tried asking the D.A., but he's kind of a secretive b*st*rd, huh? What do you think? McBride: Mr. Jane, we're a motorcycle club, not a gang. And I can assure you there is no informant. Jane: Well, you'd know best. Xander: Why does he keep going on about this informant? McBride: He's just talking. Let's get down to business. Interrogation Room, Cho asks questions to Felicia Guthrie. Felicia: Von McBride should be sitting here, not me. Cho: Court docs say your brother Rick was an auto mechanic. McBride blamed him for screwing up a repair, and your brother refused to redo it. Mcbride allegedly got angry and killed him. Felicia: Not "allegedly." He killed him. He beat him to death with a crowbar. He murdered him. Cho: And the jury disagreed. McBride acted in self-defense, right? Felicia: That's because that lawyer Hodge made it look like it was my brother's fault. He started throwing around all these lies about my brother, saying that my brother was a druggie, that he was aggressive, that he was mentally unstable. Cho: So you get all worked up, harass the gang, trash Hodge's office, right? Felicia: You want to arrest me for that, go ahead. I'm not gonna fight you. I'm too tired. Cho: You ever try hodge's home? Felicia: Once. But his kid came outside. I don't have a beef with him, so I took off before I could do anything. Cho: And what were you gonna do? Felicia: I don't know. I was... I don't know. I wanted hodge to understand what he had done to me and to my family. Cho: When was this? Felicia: Two days ago. Cho: The day of the murder. Where were you that night? Felicia: Home. Cho: Can anyone verify it? Felicia: I live alone, but I didn't- Cho: Now six months ago, you were arrested in a road rage incident. Got out of your car at a red light, attacked a man in an s. u.v. Felicia: What does this have to do with anything? Cho: You're an angry person and you express it physically. Felicia: I'm not angry, I am sad. My brother was a good man. The only crime he committed was standing up to that b*st*rd McBride. Cho: Hodge blackens the name of your dead brother and gets von mcbride off. Now maybe trashing his office didn't give you enough satisfaction- Perfectly understandable if your frustration boils over. And you can't touch von mcbride. He's got 20 bikers around him all the time, so maybe you go for the easier target. Felicia: I didn't kill Gordon Hodge, but I'm sure as hell glad that he's dead. Cho: She'd been to his house that day. Could've laid in wait and followed him later. Plus, she was out for revenge- no more powerful motive. Lisbon: We don't have nearly enough to charge her. I say we hold her on the vandalism. Try to dig up something that puts her at the murder scene. Jane: Or you could release her. she's obviously impulsive and sloppy enough to get caught on camera. She'll think she's bought herself some time. Cho: And she'd try something to cover her tracks and implicate herself. Lisbon: Cut her loose, then let's shadow her. Cho: Yes, boss. Lisbon (To Jane): Where are you going? Jane: Fresh air. "All this murder talk... is rank. It stinks to heaven. It hath the primal eldest curse upon't." Cho: Shakespeare. Jane arrives at Hodge's house. Lucas is in difficulty with his car Jane: Little less pressure on the brake pedal. Is your mom here? Lucas: Market. That's why I'm confined to the driveway. You want me to have her call you? Jane: We know Felicia Guthrie trespassed on the property the day your dad was killed. Lucas: I-I just need to hear what happened. Uh, I was leaving for school. I saw her hop the gate and come running up the driveway, so I ran out to try to stop her. She was yelling all this stuff about my dad lying about her brother and getting von mcbride off. Then she just ran away. Jane: Did your parents see her? Lucas: No. Dad was already at work, and mom was in the shower. Jane: Huh. any reason you didn't bring this up earlier? Lucas: I don't know. I felt bad for her, I guess. Didn't want her to get in trouble. Jane: Well, just needed to confirm. Thanks. Jane: You need to relax. Lucas: It's not gonna help. I'm never gonna get the hang of this. Jane: That's an easy fix. You need the right instructor. Later, Jane and Lucas are on the road. Lucas driving Jane: All right. so now you can speed up a little. Excellent. I like how you're keeping your distance. Just trust your instincts. They're always right. Lucas: You're a good instructor. Jane: Yeah, I am, probably because I have zero emotional investment in how you do- Unlike your father, who I'm guessing got annoyed with every mistake you made. Lucas: He wasn't the most patient guy. Jane: Probably didn't help that he was always on his cell phone. Lucas: Been living with his job my whole life. You get used to it. Jane: You also get used to the drugs and the cheating on your mother? Lucas: He promised he'd stop. Jane: Yeah. Can't be easy going through life being labeled the gang lawyer's son. Lucas: It wasn't really that bad. I mean, girls would come up to me all the time, talk to me about dad and the gang, like I'm cool... instead of a geek, which I basically am. Jane: Everybody is. I am. If he was my father, I tell ya, i-i... I'd be mad at him. Lucas: Dad didn't mean to hurt anyone. He was just doing his job. Jane: Right. Well, I guess I'd still love him if he was my father. Can't say I'd cut him the same kind of slack if I was married to him. Lucas: Are you trying to blame my mom? 'cause if you are... Jane: What? Lucas: You're wrong, that's all. She loved him, too. Jane: Well, that brings us back to Felicia Guthrie, who didn't love him at all. What exactly did she say to you when you saw her? Lucas: It was hard to tell. She was just, you know, ranting, basically. Didn't make much sense. Jane: Very nicely done. You'll be out cruising on saturday nights in no time. Just remember, trust your instincts. They're always right. Lucas: Thank you. And thanks for the driving lesson. It's the night. Cho and Rigsby watch Felicia's house Rigsby: Still no movement. Looks like she's in for the night. Cho: Talk to Van Pelt recently? Rigsby: Yep. Cho: Any progress? Rigsby: Hope. Engines rumbling in distance Cho: You hear that? Rigsby: Yeah. They're gonna go after Felicia. Mcbride thinks she killed hodge, wants payback. Cho: Officers on Hampton, North of Lexington, request immediate assistance. They get their guns Felicia: What the hell's going on? Cho: Go back in your house and stay down! Engines are arrive Rigsby: Do the smart thing and get out of here right now! Xander: We're not doing anything illegal. Rigsby: Disorderly conduct, concealed weapons, blown exhaust pipes, probably a couple of outstanding warrants in there! Biker: Screw you, pig! Rigsby: We could bust half you clowns right now! So what's it gonna be? Xander: We'll be seeing you around. Bikers go away Cho: You really hate bikers The next day, the team is Felicia's house Felicia: If they think they can intimidate me, they're wrong. Lisbon: Felicia, temperatures are running hot, so I need you to stay away from the gang's bar from now on. Jane put something in the bin Felicia: Yeah. I'll stay away when you arrest Von McBride. And what were you people doing out here, anyway? Jane: Oh, we think you killed, uh, Gordon Hodge, So agent Cho and Rigsby are watching you. Oh, come on. she was never gonna buy, "we just happened to be in the neighborhood." Felicia: I told you I had nothing to do with that. Jane drinks tea Felicia: And who told you that you could go in my house? Jane: Oh, this? I just needed some tea. Cut through the chill. Felicia: Chill, my ass. You were looking for evidence. Lisbon: Felicia, take it easy. Felicia: Don't tell me to take it easy, when this guy's rifling through my underwear drawer, looking for a weapon. Jane: It was your closet, actually. I was looking for blood-splattered shoes. Felicia: Get off my property. Jane: you're very touchy. Lisbon: Go. Jane joins Rigsby and Cho Rigsby: You really looked through her closet? Jane: Laundry, too. She's been angry and emotional about her brother, which means that she was sloppy about hodge's murder- Dragged evidence home with her. It's just not inside. Cho: Well, there's no garage or toolshed. Jane: Well, I looked everywhere. Well, everywhere except the garbage. Cho: Why not? Jane: Well, it's garbage. Rigsby: You done with that? Jane: Almost. Rigsby's tea splashes and goes in the garbage Lisbon: Yes, the case is still ongoing, and you are a person of interest. I'd advise you not to leave town. Rigsby looks in garbage Rigsby: Boss? Lisbon: Excuse me. Rigsby: Do you see that? Felicia: What's goin' on? Lisbon: Stay there. don't move. Rigsby take the object. It's the other cuff link In CBI Felicia: I didn't do anything wrong. Mcbride must've set me up. Lisbon: Rigsby, put her in interview one. Van Pelt: Boss, Nina and Lucas Hodge are here to see you. Lisbon: She say why? Jane: Because I asked them down here. (about Felicia) Rigsby, could you bring her through here, please? It'll just take a minute. Thank you. Lisbon: Are you gonna tell me what this is about? Jane: I'm just closing your case. (To Hodge's family) Thanks for coming down, Mrs. Hodge. This woman's name is Felicia Guthrie. She murdered your husband out of revenge for getting Von McBride off a charge for killing her brother. Nina: Oh, my god! Felicia: No, I did not kill anyone. Jane: Uh, we have evidence. We just need your permission for, uh, Lucas to make a formal statement, saying that he saw her at your housethe day of the murder. Nina: You saw her? Jane: Well, he can fill you in later. His statement will give us a better chance at a conviction. Nina: Absolutely. Anything you need. Jane: Great. Thank you. Lucas, if you can confirm that this is who you saw, then you'll be on your way. Lucas: What's gonna happen to her? Jane: Well, probably life in prison. Uh, if she's lucky, she might get paroled in 25 years. Felicia: I swear, I didn't- I didn't touch him! Nina: Shut up! You took everything from us. Jane: Lucas, we need to book her now, so could you identify her? Lucas: No, she wasn't the one. I mean, yeah, she came to the house- Jane: Great. Thanks. That's all we need. Take her away, guys. Thank you. Thank you. Felicia: No, I didn't do anything! I didn't do anything wrong! Jane: Trust your instincts, lucas. They're always right. Nina: Let's go. Lucas: She couldn't have done it. Lisbon: What makes you say that? Lucas: I just know. Nina: Lucas, they have evidence. This bitch killed your father! Lucas: Don't call her that! It wasn't her. Lisbon: The only way we can know for certain is if you tell us who did it. Nina: Okay, stop talking to my son. You've got your statement. Lucas, let's go. Come on! let's go! Lucas: No! Nina: Lucas! Lucas: Stop! It was me. Interrogation Room Lucas: We were out for a driving lesson. I was driving badly that night, and my dad was on the phone the whole time, like he always was. Flashback, cell phone rings Lucas: He'd get mad every time I'd make a mistake, but I just couldn't seem to concentrate End of flashback Jane: Because of your run-in with Felicia Guthrie that day. You didn't talk about her until I asked, 'cause you felt sorry for her. You didn't want to draw suspicion to her, because you knew she didn't do it. You were trying to do the right thing. Lucas: I just kept seeing her in the driveway, crying, yelling about how my dad lied about her brother. Flashback, in the car Lucas: His phone just kept ringing... And he'd get mad at me and I'd screw up worse, and I just... I couldn't take it anymore. Next time his phone rang... I grabbed it from him. I heard her voice. Constance: hey, Gordon baby, It's me. can you talk? End flashback Lucas: That biker bitch- diamond. She kept calling him "gordon baby." Said she really wanted to see him. Felicia Guthrie was right. He was a liar. Flashback, he takes a stone and hits his father, flashback end's Lucas: I threw the phone into the woods, and he got mad. He promised me he'd stop. Doing drugs and cheating on my mom. And like an idiot, I believed him. I called my mom. she told me what to do. I grabbed all the stuff to make it look like a robbery, but I couldn't get that damn cuff link out. So I ditched his car in the lake. She drove me home. Jane: The lie gets heavy fast, doesn't it? I expect after a while, you wanted to go to the police and tell them the truth. Lucas: Sometimes I wanted to. Mom said no. She promised it would be okay. Jane: Well, it might be... Someday. Rigsby: Let's go. Lucas: I'm sorry, mom. Lisbon: You know, I have to wonder how that cuff link Rigsby found made it's way to Felicia Guthrie's house. Jane: That is a conundrum. Lisbon: Because I'll bet a year's salary that if I look in the evidence locker, the cuff link we found on hodge will have mysteriously vanished. Jane: Okay. I needed lucas to see felicia get arrested. You needed hard evidence to charge Felicia. So... I made it happen. Lisbon: By making an innocent woman think she was gonna go to prison? As if her life wasn't hard enough already. Jane: Yes, you're right. She does deserve some justice. Lisbon: It's good to see you care. Jane: You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. In the bar, McBride's cellphone rings McBride: Yeah? All right. (To Xander) I'll be back in a minute. He leaves Man: Hey, psst. Over here. It's Jane McBride: What's up? Jane: I thought you might want to know we caught Gordon hodge's killer. It was his son. Lot of issues between 'em. McBride: And you felt the need to tell me this from the shadows, dressed in this getup? Jane: Self-preservation. I figured I'd worn out my welcome with your friends. McBride: That's it? This is what you had to tell me? Jane: Well, no. There's another reason. You open that envelope, and the rat in your gang will be revealed. McBride: Oh, the rat. Three bikers arrive Jane: Now turn around and try not to look too guilty. He goes away Xander: What was that about? McBride: What, this? This is, uh... It's kind of funny, actually. Xander: Yeah, funny? He takes envelope and looks inside. There is money. Xander: Selling us out is funny?! McBride: Hey, man. you got it wrong, bro! Bikers catches McBride. Jane smiles at Felicia who enjoys watching.

The CBI team investigates the roadside murder of a lawyer, Gordon Hodge, whose only client is one of California's most powerful and notorious motorcycle gangs, the Sinner Saints. Gordon was not an upstanding citizen: he was caught carrying drugs and had had an affair with Constance, the gang leader Von McBride's girlfriend. The team discovers suspects aplenty: Von McBride, Constance, Gordon's wife who knew of the affair, Gordon's son who hated his father, and Felicia Guthrie who seeks revenge as McBride had killed her brother but Gordon had got him acquitted.

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THE TIME MEDDLER DENNIS SPOONER 5:40pm - 6:05pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. MONASTERY. ALCOVE (NIGHT) (The DOCTOR laughs to himself and takes the needle off the record. As he lets the curtain fall, a wooden portcullis falls across the end of the passage, trapping him inside. He runs to the portcullis, staring into the main hallway. The MONK, carrying a flaming torch, walks up to him from the other side of the barrier. He starts to laugh in the face of the imprisoned DOCTOR...) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. COUNTRYSIDE (It is the following day and the sun shines brightly across the stark Northumbrian countryside...) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. MONASTERY. KITCHEN (An electronic toaster shoots up two burnt and hot pieces of toast which burn the MONK'S hands as he catches them. Also inside the otherwise bare stone chamber are other twentieth-century cooking implements. The MONK picks up a frying pan from a camp stove and spoons off fried eggs onto a plate. This rests on a tray along with a china cup and several other items for breakfast. He places the toast on the tray, picks it up giving the items an appreciative smell and leaves the kitchen.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. MONASTERY. HALLWAYS (The MONK proceeds through the monastery hallways with the tray ...) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. MONASTERY. PASSAGEWAY OUTSIDE CELL ( ... until he comes to a locked cell door. He opens a small hatch in the door and checks inside. Smiling, he takes a key out of his pocket and unlocks the door. After one final look inside the cell, he opens it up and places the tray quietly on the floor just inside the door. He backs silently out and re-locks the door. He looks inside the cell again and chuckles to himself. He shouts heartily through the hatch.) MONK: Breakfast! Breakfast! (There is no response. He now speaks encouragingly...) MONK: Come along - early to bed, early to rise! (He chuckles and looks through the hatch again...) MONK: Come on, do you want the eggs to get cold? (The tea is thrown through the hatch, drenching the MONK.) DOCTOR: (OOV.) Go away! I'll come out when I'm ready. (The furious MONK slams the hatch-door shut and storms away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: EXT. FOREST (WULNOTH, ELDRED and another male villager treads stealthily through the trees. WULNOTH parts a branch and points out something ahead to ELDRED, then nods and pushes him off to circle through the trees. WULNOTH and the other man carry straight on. ELDRED is the first to reach a small glade where VICKI lies asleep on the ground with her cloak wrapped round her for warmth. She awakens and jumps up, looking to where ELDRED previously stood but he is no longer there. Nevertheless, the young girl senses someone around her. She is also alone...) VICKI: Steven? Steven? (A branch cracks nearby. She looks through the trees and a figure steps into the glade. It is STEVEN. VICKI sighs with relief.) VICKI: Oh, Steven! STEVEN: Morning. What are you looking so jittery about? VICKI: I thought I heard somebody...moving about in the bushes. STEVEN: That was me. I was looking for some food. VICKI: Did you find anything? STEVEN: That's a matter of opinion. Want some breakfast? VICKI: Yes please. STEVEN: Well, you can either have some blackberries... (He opens a hand with a flourish...) STEVEN: Or...some blackberries. (He opens the other hand.) VICKI: (Laughing.) I don't think it matters thanks. (Jumping on the spot.) Oh, I'm freezing. STEVEN: (Eating the blackberries.) Mmm. We'd better get moving then. VICKI: Oh...what, back to the TARDIS? (WULNOTH is crouched behind a bush, listening...) STEVEN: Yes. If the Doctor's not there, we'll have to think again. VICKI: I wonder what time it is. (STEVEN holds out his arm showing the wristwatch.) STEVEN: Twenty past five. VICKI: I wonder if the Doctor did drop that... STEVEN: You said before he didn't have a watch. VICKI: I said I didn't think he had. STEVEN: Oh, why don't you admit all this tenth century stuff's just... (The sound of another branch breaking is heard. STEVEN carefully starts to tread through the trees.) VICKI: (Whispers.) There's somebody there! (STEVEN signals for silence. He continues through the trees.) VICKI: Steven? Steven? (ELDRED silently comes from behind a bush and creeps upon the unsuspecting girl. He grabs her round the neck and holds a large knife at her.) VICKI: Argh! (STEVEN jumps round but is set upon by WULNOTH and the other man. VICKI is thrust towards them.) ELDRED: What shall we do with them? WULNOTH: Take 'em to the village. [SCENE_BREAK] 7: EXT. MONASTERY (The MONK comes out of the monastery's main door, trying to look serene. He goes to check his wristwatch but remembers its loss. He quickly scuttles up a small rise outside the door and is starting to take something from around his neck when he sees something below and runs back down the rise. Jumping to the ground, he quickly takes a scroll out of his habit and sits reading. EDITH and a woman approach him through some bushes. The other woman carries a basket of provisions. They see the monk.) EDITH: Good morning, father. MONK: Ah...ah, good morning my children. (Getting up.) Good morning. Oh, so deep was I in my meditations, I failed to see you arrive. You must forgive me. EDITH: Oh, no. It is we who should ask forgiveness of you, disturbing you like this. MONK: No please, please. You're always welcome here. (EDITH takes the basket from the other woman and passes it to the MONK.) EDITH: We, erm, we thought you might need some food. MONK: Ah, how very charitable of you, my dear. EDITH: Oh, I'm sorry father, it's poor fare for the likes of you. MONK: (Looking under the cloth.) Yes, but...don't distress yourself, my child. (He steps to one side, away from the women.) MONK: We must all be prepared to make sacrifices when they're asked of us. Well, I er, I would like to stop and talk and pass the time of day with you, but...this morning, solitude and study are uppermost in my mind. (The two women have been talking quietly to each other.) EDITH: We understand, father. MONK: (Smiling to himself.) Thank you again, my child. Good morning. EDITH: Morning, father. (As they walk away, the MONK looks slyly round. When he is sure that he is alone, he climbs back up the rise and reaches round his neck - only to take a pair of binoculars from under his habit. He looks through them but does not see what he is searching for. He climbs back down.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. MONASTERY. PASSAGEWAY OUTSIDE CELL (A constant banging noise comes from the inner side of the cell door.) DOCTOR: (OOV.) Open this door! Open this door, will you! Open it! [SCENE_BREAK] 9: EXT. CLIFFTOP (The sea crashes onto the shoreline. The MONK looks over the edge and then sits on the clifftop in the brisk and cold wind. His face shows exasperation with his wait. He takes a box of snuff out of his pocket, taps it and then puts some on the back of his hand - only for the wind to blow it away before he can sniff it. He pulls his hood over his head and with his head held down, tries again. With his nose and eyes streaming, he lets the hood down and looks out to sea. He blinks in surprise and hurriedly raises his binoculars. Through them he sees the ominous sight of a Viking Longship, complete with Dragon ships head and striped sail. The MONKS face displays delight at the end of his long wait...) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: EXT. VIKING LONGSHIP (The Longship nears the coast. The warrior at the helm points out the land to his companions...) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: EXT. CLIFFTOP (The MONK lowers his glasses.) MONK: (Excitedly.) At last! At last! (He raises the glasses again...) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: EXT. SAXON SETTLEMENT (VICKI and STEVEN are pushed towards WULNOTH'S hut. They sit outside the door. STEVEN rubs the back of his neck.) VICKI: Are you all right? STEVEN: I've felt better. I dare say I'll get over it. (Looking round himself.) It's pretty authentic Saxon isn't it? VICKI: Don't tell me you've actually started to believe us? STEVEN: I mean they'd hardly go to all this trouble for a fancy dress ball, now would they? (Whispers.) We've got to get out of here. (He stands up. Immediately the Saxon men stand menacingly before him with their staves. He sits back down.) VICKI: Looks as though they want us to stay. STEVEN: Yes, we must be more popular than we thought. (ELDRED and WULNOTH are discussing their prisoners.) ELDRED: Wulnoth, we can't...just let them go! WULNOTH: Their clothes are strange. If they are travellers... ELDRED: (Interrupting.) Travellers? With no provisions or belongings? Travelled from where? WULNOTH: Well, we can ask them... (He gets up to go over to them. ELDRED grabs him by the arms.) ELDRED: Why listen to their lies?! (Watching, STEVEN shrugs to VICKI.) ELDRED: They've been put ashore somewhere along to the coast to spy for the Vikings. WULNOTH: You've got no proof of that! ELDRED: Nor do we have proof of what you say! WULNOTH: Maybe not, but I'm the Headman of the village... ELDRED: You maybe Headman now, but when the people hear how you treated their enemies, those two will be ... ! (He grabs his short dagger and makes for the two prisoners who jump to their feet. STEVEN holds up a short stick in defence. WULNOTH holds out his dagger at him.) WULNOTH: Eldred! (EDITH runs from the side.) EDITH: Eldred! (She stands between WULNOTH and ELDRED who face each other off. She hesitates then walks over to STEVEN and VICKI.) EDITH: Are you looking for an old man with long white hair? STEVEN: What...you've seen him? WULNOTH: (Approaching.) Of which old man do you speak, woman? EDITH: He came here late last night. He wore clothes like these people. STEVEN: (Interrupting.) Do you know where he is now? WULNOTH: Did you question him? EDITH: A little. He said he was a traveller. ELDRED: Then he lied. STEVEN: Oh, for goodness sake... ELDRED: Wulnoth! I do not trust them! STEVEN: Well, I'm not mad about you either! WULNOTH: I think these people are what they say they are, Eldred. Innocent travellers. ELDRED: I do not trust them. Sooner or later you will regret that you didn't listen to me. VICKI: Are you going to stand here arguing all day? Either let us go, or...do whatever you're going to do but make up your minds. (ELDRED stares at STEVEN. WULNOTH looks from one to the other, then...) WULNOTH: You can go. Edith, take the girl inside and get some food for their journey. (EDITH takes VICKI inside. STEVEN throws his stick down to the ground. ELDRED continues to stare angrily at him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. HUT (EDITH is packing some items into a rough bag...) VICKI: ...And the Doctor, the old man, what happened to him? EDITH: Oh, he was going to stay and then he suddenly decided to visit the monastery. VICKI: That's quite near here, isn't it? I heard the singing. EDITH: It's not far. It's just at the top of the hill (Pointing.)...behind the forest. I can take you. VICKI: Oh, erm, we...It's all right, thanks. EDITH: Oh...here. (She passes the bag to the smiling girl. VICKI leaves the hut.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: EXT. SAXON SETTLEMENT VICKI: Steven? (She passes him the bag. STEVEN takes it, looks round at his former captors, then nods...) STEVEN: Thanks. (He starts to step away, but hesitates...) Thank you. VICKI: Thank you. EDITH: God be with you. WULNOTH: God be with you. (STEVEN hesitates again, he more relaxed features nod briefly.) STEVEN: God be with you. (They leave. WULNOTH and EDITH watch them, then he turns to the other men.) WULNOTH: Time we were working in the fields. (The men follow but ELDRED still looks angry...) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: EXT. MONASTERY (The MONK arrives back at the monastery and enters.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: EXT. CLIFFTOP (Two grappling hooks land on top of the cliff and a terrifying figure climbs to the top. It is the VIKING LEADER who wears a helmet, topped by a metal eagle, which covers almost all of the top of his head with holes for the eyes. As he steps a few paces inland, two other Vikings climb up and follow. A blond haired warrior stands next to the VIKING LEADER with another dark haired man behind him. This latter man speaks.) ULF: Any sign of life? VIKING LEADER: No. (A third warrior has made the clifftop. The LEADER speaks to him.) VIKING LEADER: Tell the others to wait below. (The third man turns back. The LEADER gives an order to the blond haired man.) VIKING LEADER: Sven, you with Ulf and Gunnar go south. Radnor will take a similar group to the north. SVEN: I understand. VIKING LEADER: And remember, Sven, when you rejoin the force, we will want to know the lie of the land - where there is food and fresh water available and the strength of the villages. SVEN: And if we're seen? VIKING LEADER: Then you'll have no choice but to fight. But keep in your minds this is no ordinary raid. You are the eyes of the King! ULF: We'll need provisions ourselves. SVEN: The first village we find will provide those. VIKING LEADER: Yes, but be careful. If your presence here can be kept secret, Harold Hardrada will have surprise on his side. Now, go. SVEN: Gunnar? (A tall long haired VIKING wearing an eye-patch follows SVEN and ULF. The VIKING LEADER speaks to another Viking.) VIKING LEADER: Send Ragra and the others up. Then we can rejoin the fleet. (The Viking steps away to carry out the order.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: EXT. MONASTERY (VICKI and STEVEN approach the monastery. STEVEN knocks on the door. VICKI looks around herself.) VICKI: It's very beautiful here, isn't it? STEVEN: It could use a gardener. (The door opens and the MONK comes out, a serene look on his face.) MONK: Good day, my children, good day. STEVEN: Good day. We're looking for... MONK: (Interrupting.) Indeed, we're all searching for something. Some like myself seek it in the peace and solitude that repose behind these monastery... STEVEN: (Interrupting back.) We are looking for a friend of ours. MONK: (Smiling.) Oh, you think I can help. VICKI: Well, he left word in the village that he was coming up here. MONK: Would that we could all realise our ambitions. Be they a lifelong wish or a stated intention of journeying for self... STEVEN: (Interrupting impatiently.) Look, are you trying to tell us that he didn't come here? MONK: My son, no stranger has knocked on this door for many a day, welcome though they be. STEVEN: Are you sure you haven't seen anyone...around the place? MONK: I'm afraid not. VICKI: What about the others? MONK: Others? VICKI: The other...monks? MONK: Ah, the other monks, yes. Well, I'm sure they would have mentioned it to me had they seen him. (VICKI and STEVEN do not answer.) MONK: However, if you'll wait here, I shall go inside and inquire just to make sure. (He smiles at them both and walks inside, closing the door behind him.) VICKI: Looks as though the Doctor didn't come up here. STEVEN: Didn't he? (He walks away a few paces, thinking, then turns back.) STEVEN: You know I don't believe a word of it. It's just as if he expected us and if the Doctor didn't come here, well where else could he go except back to the village? VICKI: I don't know STEVEN: Well, I'm not convinced. I'll tell you what, when he comes out again, I'm going to try something, so whatever happens, don't say a word. Nothing! OK? VICKI: (Slightly uncertain.) OK. [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. MONASTERY. ENTRANCE HALL (The MONK is trying to listen to their conversation on the other side of the door. Reassuming his serene face, he walks back outside.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: EXT. MONASTERY MONK: I apologise for keeping you waiting. STEVEN: It's quite all right. MONK: I'm afraid the answer is not the one you'd wish to hear. VICKI: You haven't seen him...? (VICKI realises that she has broken her promise to keep quiet.) MONK: I'm sorry STEVEN: Oh, well, er, perhaps you'd keep a lookout for him? MONK: Oh, I certainly will, yes. STEVEN: Are you sure you'll remember his description? MONK: Description? I...let me see. (Thinks aloud.) Long white hair, er, black cloak and rather strange checked trousers... STEVEN: That's it, you've got it, fine, thanks. MONK: Not at all. STEVEN: Thanks very much indeed. MONK: You're very welcome, my son. I'm sorry I couldn't have done more. Good-day. STEVEN: Good-day. (The MONK goes back inside the MONASTERY. VICKI walks away a few paces, then realises what has been said...) VICKI: We didn't give him a description of the Doctor! STEVEN: I know we didn't! That means he must have seen him, doesn't it? He's keeping him prisoner in there. I'll stake my life on that, Vicki. VICKI: Well, he was pretty stupid to give himself away like that. STEVEN: It's easily done. VICKI: Too easy. I don't think we've been as clever as we think we have. STEVEN: Oh, now, what does that mean? VICKI: Well look, say he's the one who's tricked us. Say he gave himself away deliberately like that, in order to make us think we'd fooled him. STEVEN: Vicki, there's only one way we can find out what's going on in there. That's to break in. VICKI: That's exactly what he wants us to do. STEVEN: Well, possibly but we've no other choice. We'll wait 'til its dark. Come on. (They leave...) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: EXT. SAXON SETTLEMENT (EVENING) (EDITH comes out of the hut with a troubled look on her face. She looks around carefully but fails to see anything in the gloom. She picks up a rough spear and walks forward. GUNNAR THE GIANT drops out of a tree behind her and grabs her. As she cries out her drags her towards the hut where ULF and SVEN are already making for...) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: EXT. MONASTERY (EVENING) (VICKI and STEVEN climb a small rise and look over the monastery.) STEVEN: I think the best idea is to go and try around the other side. (VICKI nods and they climb back down the rise.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: EXT. SAXON SETTLEMENT (EVENING) (The outside of the settlement has been pillaged. WULNOTH returns through the trees and sees the carnage.) WULNOTH: Edith! (He runs into the settlement and inside the hut.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. HUT (EVENING) WULNOTH: (Upset.) Edith! (EDITH lies on the floor, staring upwards in shock. WULNOTH holds her. ELDRED has entered the hut behind him.) WULNOTH: Get what help you can from the village. ELDRED: (Quietly.) It was those travellers! I know it. I said you would regret not listening to me Wulnoth. But even I would not have felt them capable of th... WULNOTH: (In a strangled cry.) Get the men! (ELDRED runs off. WULNOTH buries his head...) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: EXT. FOREST (EVENING) (GUNNAR THE GIANT leads his two companions through the wood with their booty. They all check that they are not being followed. SVEN, swigging a drink, is in the rear.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. HUT (EVENING) (WULNOTH wipes EDITH'S face with a wet cloth, helped by the woman who was with EDITH at the monastery earlier. EDITH moans quietly.) WULNOTH: Who did it? Who was it? EDITH: (Feebly.) Vikings... (ELDRED enters...) ELDRED: We're ready. WULNOTH: (His anger rising.) Vikings! (ELDRED leaves. WULNOTH leaves EDITH to the care of the woman, takes a large sword and leaves the hut...) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: EXT. SAXON SETTLEMENT (EVENING) (The men of the village are gathered outside. WULNOTH looks them over and then leads them off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: EXT. FOREST (EVENING) (The branches of the trees and bushes are broken...) ELDRED: They're leaving a good trail. WULNOTH: Then we'll find them all the quicker. Come on. (They move on...) [SCENE_BREAK] 28: EXT. ANOTHER PART OF THE FOREST (EVENING) (The Vikings continue their path through the wood. ULF and SVEN are drunk on their stolen mead. GUNNAR is the only sober one. He takes the mead off his companions and throws it to one side. As they continue their progress, ULF and SVEN hang on each other.) SVEN: (Drunkenly.) Ulf, you like the provisions we found! ULF: (Laughing.) Ah, yes! (The Saxons suddenly leap out of hiding, shouting as they do so. Whilst SVEN and ULF fight a Saxon, GUNNAR crushes two men at once with his bare arms until WULNOTH sneaks up behind him and hits him with a sword blow in his back.. SVEN and ULF kill their attacker and turn to help the wounded GUNNAR. He manages to strike a blow at ELDRED who falls to the ground tripping GUNNAR as he does so. WULNOTH leaps forward with the killing blow. SVEN leaps to his assistance and finds himself fighting the weakened ELDRED. WULNOTH comes to blows with ULF.) WULNOTH: Saxons! Here! SVEN: (Leaping forward.) Leave him Ulf, Gunnar's dead. Come on! (SVEN runs off and ULF quickly follows. WULNOTH runs back to ELDRED who pushes the dead GUNNAR off him and then holds his wounded arm.) WULNOTH: How is it? ELDRED: It's bleeding badly. (He attempts to stand.) I'll go back to the village. WULNOTH: No, no, the monastery's much nearer. Come on. (ELDRED tries to stand but he is weak.) WULNOTH: Put your arm round me. This way. (He supports ELDRED and they set off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29: EXT. MONASTERY (NIGHT) (The extremely bright light again shines from an upper window...) [SCENE_BREAK] 30: INT. MONASTERY. PASSAGEWAY (NIGHT) (The MONK walks through the ruined hallways and passageways, the usual sly smile on his face. He stops to stare briefly at an open window, then silently walks off. After he passes the window, STEVEN looks cautiously through. He signals to VICKI and helps her up and inside. They look round their dingy surroundings and both shrug.) VICKI AND STEVEN: Follow me! (They both walk off in opposite directions! STEVEN, a little vexed, is the one who turns back and follows his companion.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: INT. MONASTERY. ALCOVE (NIGHT) (The MONK parts the curtain and starts the gramophone with the record of the chanting monks. He smiles and pulls the curtain back into place. He checks the portcullis trap for his new visitors.) [SCENE_BREAK] 32: EXT. MONASTERY (NIGHT) (WULNOTH supports a very weak ELDRED towards the monastery. ELDRED stumbles to the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] 33: INT. MONASTERY. PASSAGEWAY (NIGHT) (STEVEN and VICKI continue their progress through the hallways. The MONK watches from behind a pillar. Before he can take any action, a knocking comes from the front door. He frowns and moves off towards the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 34: EXT. MONASTERY (NIGHT) (WULNOTH pounds at the door. ELDRED is by now extremely weak.) [SCENE_BREAK] 35: INT. MONASTERY. ALCOVE (NIGHT) (VICKI and STEVEN reach the alcove. They part the curtain and stare in amazement at the gramophone. They leave the alcove unharmed. [SCENE_BREAK] 36: INT. MONASTERY. PASSAGEWAY OUTSIDE CELL (NIGHT) (They reach the cell door. STEVEN opens the hatch and looks through.) STEVEN: It's the Doctor. I think he's asleep. VICKI: No! (STEVEN takes a penknife out of his pocket. VICKI checks behind her.) VICKI: Hurry! (STEVEN attacks the lock...) [SCENE_BREAK] 37: EXT. MONASTERY (NIGHT) (WULNOTH is now pounding the door with a stave. The door opens and the MONK comes out.) MONK: Yes, what is it? WULNOTH: I have a wounded man here, father. He needs help. (WULNOTH helps ELDRED inside.) MONK: By all means. Bring him in. (WULNOTH already has done so. The MONK scurries after them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 38: INT. MONASTERY. PASSAGEWAY OUTSIDE CELL (NIGHT) (STEVEN succeeds in picking the lock. He and VICKI rush inside the cell...) [SCENE_BREAK] 39: INT. MONASTERY. CELL. (NIGHT) (On the bed, the DOCTOR'S cloak covers his form.) VICKI: Doctor! Doctor, wake up. We're here. Doctor? (She pulls the cloak back. Underneath is just a pile of furs...) VICKI: He's...he's gone. He's gone!

The Doctor, Vicki, and new companion Steven Taylor arrive in Saxon Northumbria on the eve of the Viking and Norman invasions. It is 1066, a pivotal moment in British history. The hand of a mysterious Monk is at work in the nearby monastery, intending that history takes a different course.

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Open on three cheerleaders running in a busy High School car park as Veronica drives in, parks up and heads towards a crowd in front of the school. VERONICA VOICEOVER: This is my school. If you go here, your parents are either millionaires or your parents work for millionaires. Neptune, California. A town without a middle class. If you're in the second group, you get a job. Fast food, movie theatres, mini-marts. Or you could be me. My after-school job means tailing philandering spouses or investigating false injury claims. The crowd is gathered around, staring at something ahead. MALE VOICE IN THE CROWD: Who'd that guy rat out? The focus of the crowd's attention is a young black man, taped to a flagpole. He is naked, although his dignity is preserved by the tape and 'Snich' is painted in large letters across his chest. We will subsequently learn his name is Wallace. BOY IN THE CROWD: The bikers. GIRL IN CROWD: Why doesn't somebody cut him down? ANOTHER BOY IN THE CROWD: [Sarcastically] Yeah! I'll do it. I wanna be the guy up there tomorrow! No one is helping him and one particularly obnoxious individual approaches him with a camera, taking a photograph of himself with the humiliated captive. JERK: All right, say cheese. Smile. Veronica is unimpressed with the passivity of the crowd or the jerk and approaches them. VERONICA: [To the jerk] Move. JERK: Who died and made you the quee- His posturing is cut off by Veronica's production of a small knife and he leaves as Veronica starts to slice through the tape around the boy's lower body. JERK: [Exiting] You ARE a freak. VERONICA: [To the lad, as she cuts him down] You're new here, huh. Welcome to Neptune High. School bell rings. VERONICA: [In mock enthusiasm to the quickly dispersing crowd] Go Pirates! Overhead shot of event cuts to the front of a class room in session. As the teacher (who in the future we will learn is Mrs Murphy) walks forward, the students are exposed, including Veronica, whose head is on the desk and who looks to be asleep. MRS MURPHY: This is advanced placement. We expect more. It's called 'An Essay on Man' but what Pope's really talking about is faith. Right? Anybody? Did anybody complete the reading? Veronica? Veronica Mars! Veronica's head comes up. She wipes her eye, waking up. VERONICA: Um-hum MRS MURPHY: Congratulations, you're my volunteer. Pope. An Essay on Man. Epistle I. VERONICA: "Hope springs eternal in the human breast; Man never Is, but always To be blest: The soul, uneasy and confin'd from home, Rests and expatiates in a life to come." MRS MURPHY: And what do you suppose Pope meant by that? VERONICA: Life's a bitch until you die. [The class titters.] MRS MURPHY: OK, thank you Ms Mars for that succinct and somewhat inappropriate response. Veronica returns her head to the desk as the teacher carries on. MRS MURPHY: I think what Pope's saying is that the thing that keeps us powering through life's defeats is our faith in a better life yet to come. Cut to Veronica coming from around the corner to an empty school hall with successive sets of lockers on the side between classroom doors. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Random locker searches. It's the latest tactic the administration has adopted in their losing war on drugs except the searches aren't really random. In front of Veronica are a tall, besuited man and a deputy who holds the leash of a German Shepherd. We will subsequently learn that the deputy's name is Sacks. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I know when they're gonna to happen before Vice Principal Clemmons does. DEPUTY SACKS: Veronica Mars, this should be good. CLEMMONS: Veronica, would you please open your locker. As Veronica is turning the combination of her locker, the dog barks. VERONICA: [To the dog] Buster. The dog gives a little whine and obeys her. The surprised deputy looks down at the dog. Veronica opens her locker. It is completely empty save for a picture on the back of the door. It is a picture of Vice Principal Clemmons framed in a heart. VERONICA: [With feigned embarrassment] Wow. This is a little embarrassing. Cut to an unappetizing dinner tray of meatloaf, gravy and mixed peas and corn. Veronica stabs at it unenthusiastically as the camera pulls back to reveal her in an outside eating area in the school, sitting alone at one of the tables. People fast motion around her until it rests on a table across from her. There are a number of students there, taking delivery of pizzas. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I used to sit there. At that table. It's not like my family met the minimum net worth requirement. My dad didn't own his own airline like John Enbom's [paying for the pizzas with a gold card] or serve as ambassador to Belgium like Shelley Pomeroy's but my dad used to be the sheriff and that had a certain cachet. Another boy approaches the pizza table. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Let's be honest, though. The only reason I was allowed past the velvet ropes was Duncan Kane. Son of software billionaire, Jake Kane, he used to be my boyfriend. Flashback to a long haired Veronica and Duncan walking down the school hallway. Duncan's arm is around Veronica's shoulders and they kiss as they walk. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Then one day, with no warning, he ended things. Veronica, still with long hair, closes her locker and turns, smiling, to see Duncan walking past, another boy whispering in his ear. Duncan cuts her dead. Cut back to the present as Veronica continues to stare at Duncan. The whispering boy from the flashback is there and notices. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And let's not forget Logan Echolls. His dad makes twenty million a picture. You probably own his action figure. Logan sits on Duncan's knee and starts rubbing his chest in a faux-lecherous manner. Duncan pushes him off. Logan laughs, sits down and points mockingly at Veronica. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Every school has an obligatory psychotic jackass. He's ours. Veronica is so intent on out-staring Logan that she doesn't notice that Wallace has joined her table. WALLACE: You okay. VERONICA: What? WALLACE: You look, I don't know, hypnotised. VERONICA: Did I say you could sit here? Looking fed up, Wallace puts his orange back in his lunch bag and stands, preparing to go. VERONICA: [Relenting] Wait a minute. Of course you can sit here. Sit wherever you want. He sits back down. WALLACE: That-that was cool, what you did, getting me off of that pole. VERONICA: Well From behind Veronica comes a head-shaven, tattooed biker. We will subsequently learn that this is Weevil. WEEVIL: [To Wallace] My bitch. Weren't you supposed to wait for me at the flagpole. I'm not sure I could have made that any clearer. Weevil plonks himself down next to Wallace, deliberately getting in his face. Wallace takes a deep breath and lets out an uncomfortable laugh. WALLACE: OK, I get it, a'right. Very funny. WEEVIL: Yeah. WALLACE: I guess we're even now. Right? WEEVIL: [Aggressively] You get what boy? You get that you're a dead man walking, is that what you get? VERONICA: Leave him alone. Weevil turns his attention to Veronica and moves to stand over her. WEEVIL: Sister, the only time I care what a woman has to say is-is when she's riding my big old hog but even then it's not so much words just a bunch of oohs and aahs, you know? VERONICA: So it's big, huh? WEEVIL: [Indulgently] Legendary. VERONICA: Well let's see it. I mean if it's as big as you say, I'll by your girlfriend. We could go to prom together. Her refusal to be intimidated surprises and amuses him and he laughs as he looks around at his fellow bikers. One of them we will subsequently learn is called Felix. VERONICA: What? What seems to be the problem. I'm on a schedule here, vato. FELIX: [Not so amused] Dude, Weevil. Don't let blondie talk to you like that! VERONICA: Sounds like your buddy here wants to see it too. FELIX: Ah, hell, I'll show you mine. Felix gets closer to Veronica and makes to drop his pants. He is interrupted by the arrival of the Vice Principal. CLEMMONS: Felix Toombs. What on God's green earth is going on here? All right gentlemen, move it along. Veronica, why does trouble follow you around? Veronica smiles blandly as the bikers and the Vice Principal move on, leaving Veronica and Wallace alone again at their table. VERONICA: So what did you do? WALLACE: [Not comprehending] What? VERONICA: Why are you a dead man walking? Cut to a scene in a small convenience store where Wallace sits at checkout, reading a comic. Two bikers comes in and head to the chilled units at the back. WALLACE: [Offscreen] Oh yeah, I work at Sac-n-Pac. Last night I was working by myself. Couple of those guys came in. The Latin biker, who we will subsequently learn is named Hector, takes out a large beer bottle and hands it to the other who puts it in his coat as Hector does the same with another bottle. HECTOR: Oh man, happy birthday bro. ASIAN BIKER: Oh thanks man. The bikers continue to pocket the beer. WALLACE: [Offscreen] They just walked right to the back of the store and started stuffing all these forties into their pockets. So I hit the silent alarm. Wallace can see the bikers head towards him on the surveillance screen at checkout. Hector picks up a small packet of gum and both head for the checkout. They lean in. HECTOR: [Reading the badge] Wallace. Hector carefully smoothes a dollar bill and slaps it on the counter. WALLACE: [Offscreen] I guess the dude thought a one dollar bill would cover it. HECTOR: Keep the change. They laugh and leave. WALLACE: [Offscreen] That's when the police came. Cut back to Veronica at the table. VERONICA: We don't have the police here. We have a sheriff's department. Cut back to the Sac-n-Pac flashback as the gum-chewing Sheriff walks in. SHERIFF: [Dismissively] You, come on. Wallace follows the Sheriff outside and is taken aback by the presence of a whole gang of bikers, including Weevil and Felix, watching from their bikes. UNSEEN BIKER: What's up snitch? SHERIFF: Come here. They say they paid. The two bikers who took the beer are handcuffed and in the custody of the deputy. Hector is grinning. Wallace is intimidated that this is going down in full view of the gang. SHERIFF: Well, did they? WALLACE: Yeah. HECTOR: Like I said. [Laughs] SHERIFF: [To the bikers] Shut up. [To Wallace] But you pressed the alarm anyway. WALLACE: It was an accident. The Sheriff stalks off in disgust, re-enters the store and retrieves the surveillance video. Wallace watches him as he comes back outside. SHERIFF: [To the deputy] Sacks, get 'em outta here. Get 'em outta here. We got enough. Sacks grabs the shoplifting bikers and heads for the car. The Sheriff gets up close just behind Wallace's right shoulder and sniffs derisively. SHERIFF: You need to go see the wizard. Ask him for some guts. VERONICA: [Offscreen] "Go see the wizard", he said that. The scene returns to the lunch table. WALLACE: Yeah. VERONICA: Congratulations, sport. In your short time here, you've already managed to piss off the motorcycle gang and the local sheriff. Cut to a small L-shaped, two-storey apartment complex around a small pool. Music is playing from one of the apartments. Veronica enters through a small gate into the pool area. Her reverie is interrupted by a sound of from one of the open windows. It's Peter Yorn's "Just Another". SONG: You and I, we're two of a kind I hate to say it but you'll never relate What makes you tick? It makes me smile. You said that I should get away from it all And bury my head in the sand if I want to I think you should thank me now You were lying wide awake in the garden Trying to get over your stardom And I could never see you depart us And you're my baby You're just another girl You're just another girl. She flashes back to the sound of a splash and the sight of Duncan Kane in a pool, pulling up to the side of it and staring up at her. DUNCAN: Hey baby, it's our song. From behind her, still within the blue-toned flashback, laughing sounds. About ten people around Veronica's age, including Logan Echolls, who has his arm around a girl we will come to know as Lilly, surround an older woman carrying a large birthday cake. Some have presents. We will learn the woman is Veronica's mother, Lianne. FRIENDS: Happy birthday Veronica LIANNE: Happy birthday Veronica. LIANNE: Are you surprised? LIANNE/NEIGHBOUR: Veronica. VERONICA: Mom? Veronica is forced back to the present by a smoky-voiced black woman, loaded with two grocery bags, stopped at the small gate Veronica entered earlier. NEIGHBOUR: Veronica, it's me. Honey can you give me-can you give me a hand? Veronica glances back at the pool then heads over. Cut to the inside of an apartment. The door opens and Veronica enters, greeted by a large brown and white pit bull. VERONICA: Hey, who's a big boy? Who's a big boy? Cut to a beach where Veronica unleashes the dog and throws a ball for him. VERONICA: [On the dog returning the ball] Good boy. She spots Wallace on the beach with a model airplane. Wallace waves. She hesitates, then gives a small wave back, looking thoughtful. Cut to a street. Veronica pulls up in her car behind a red Jag convertible with the licence KANE 2. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I was shocked to discover Celeste Kane's car outside Dad's office. Duncan's mom. She hates me almost as much as she adores her son. Veronica enters the lower door for 'Mars Investigations' situated over a pawn shop. The main office area boasts a couch, a desk and some filing cabinets. There is a small kitchenette off the end and a door leading into another office, marked with the name 'Keith Mars'. Veronica heads straight for the closed door, attempting to eavesdrop. The main office door bursts open and a man carrying a briefcase and file enters. He looks and will prove to be a slightly seedy lawyer, named Cliff McCormack. CLIFF: Veronica Mars. VERONICA: [Heading away from the closed door to the desk] My dad's with a client. CLIFF: Apparently. That's okay, I'm happy out here chatting with you. Cliff heads for the desk and they both sit down. VERONICA: Like I said, my dad's with a client. CLIFF: I heard you but your dad's out tracking down bail jumpers half the time and yet somehow all the cases that come in here still get handled. How is that? VERONICA: We're efficient. CLIFF: Very efficient. Um look, I'm just going to leave this file here, open on your desk and if you decide to take a look at it, cool. One of my clients, Loretta Cancoon, dances at the Seventh Veil� VERONICA: Classy. CLIFF: These are my people, V. She was busted for vandalism, taking a baseball bat to the washing machine that stole her quarters at Suds'n'Duds VERONICA: And Johnny Cochran was booked. CLIFF: [Smirking] I make no apologies. I like this case, it's tawdry. Miss Cancoon says the Seventh Veil has an interesting way of keeping their liquor licence [getting to his feet] despite their rather lax ID policy. [Heading for the exit] She wants to make a deal. If your dad has time, he should look into it. Cliff leaves. The inner office door opens and a well dressed women enters the main office and turns straight for the exit. CELESTE: [Imperiously] Don't get the wrong idea Mr Mars. I don't like you. Following her out of the office is Keith Mars, listening impassively as she walks away. She turns and notices Veronica for the first time. CELESTE: [To Keith, although staring disdainfully at Veronica] I hate the fact that I'm here [returning her attention to Keith] but I do know if anyone would be dogged and resourceful in this matter, it'll be you. Don't call me at home, I'll call you. And I'll need it right away. She casts another unpleasant look at Veronica then turns and marches out. Keith and Veronica look at each other. KEITH: [Quietly] Hi. He goes back into his office and closes the door. Veronica stares at the closed door for a moment then moves to the window to watch Celeste Kane get into her car and drive away. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Sure she's a bitch, but can you blame her. After all Dad did try to send her husband to jail for life. Cut to later. Keith and Veronica are in the main part of the office, sitting at the desk eating from plastic containers. KEITH: [Innocently] How's school? VERONICA: If you think we're going talk about my school day and not the fact that Celeste Kane was in your office ten minutes ago, you're deluded. KEITH: Um-hm. You making good grades? VERONICA: Kane's got something on the side, doesn't he? KEITH: [On a forkful of macaroni cheese] You know what? Say what you want about real cheese, I am a fan of the orange powder packet stuff. VERONICA: My grades are fine and I like the orange powder too but can we please talk about Mrs Kane. KEITH: [Giving in] Yes, she thinks he's seeing someone. Late nights, motel matches, the usual. VERONICA: Sexual appetite? KEITH: [Horrified then resigned to his daughter's understanding] Gone. VERONICA: Did you take the case? KEITH: Well, we need the money, Veronica VERONICA: Good, I would have been pissed if you hadn't. KEITH: Well, I wouldn't have cared if you were. Give me some of that apple. The phone rings. Veronica grabs it. KEITH: Aw don't� VERONICA: [Into the phone] Mars Investigations. Um-hm. Just a sec. [Hands over the phone, whispering] It's Andy. KEITH: Keith Mars. Yeah, how long ago. [Gesturing to Veronica for pen and paper] What's he driving? I'll get the 7:30 out of San Diego and I'll meet you by the thing by the fountain. Good work. Thanks. [Ends call. To Veronica] Our guy's on the move. Andy picked him up in El Paso. Another day and he'll probably try to cross the border so I gotta head out. VERONICA: You go. I'll have the flight booked by the time you get to the airport. Do you want a rental car in Texas? KEITH: Yeah, nothing fancy this time, Veronica. Seriously VERONICA: A Blazer is not fancy and we can bill it anyway. [Off his look] Fine, I'll get you a Crown Vic. Once a cop KEITH: Don't do anything on the Kane case, I'll handle it. VERONICA: OK KEITH: Given our relationship with that family, I just VERONICA: Fine, I said okay. KEITH: OK. If all goes well, I'll be back tomorrow night. If not, the night after. I'll call and I'll check in. VERONICA: You always do. KEITH: And Veronica. VERONICA: Yes KEITH: [Holding her head gently] When you go after Jake Kane, you take backup. VERONICA: I always do. Keith snorts, kisses Veronica on the forehead and exits. Veronica sits back and finishes her sandwich. VERONICA VOICEOVER: By the time Dad's plane landed in El Paso, I'd already picked up Jake Kane at his house and followed him to his office. Cut to Veronica watching a person in a large brightly lit office from her car. It's dark and a man is leaving the office. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Streaming video was invented and perfected here at Kane Software. The day the company went public, Jake Kane made a billion dollars. Everyone who worked for him in fact, right down to the secretarial pool, became millionaires. He's beloved here. Half the people in this town owe their fortunes to him. Cut to flashback. It's a sponsored car wash. Playing over the scene in the background is Grandmaster Melle Mel with "White Lines" . SONG: (Ooh White Lines) Vision dreams of passion (Blowin? through my mind) and all the while I think of you (Pipe cries) a very strange reaction (For us to unwind) the more I see, the more I do (Something like a phenomenon) Baby! (Tellin your body to come along, but white lines blow away) Lilly is washing a car with a long haired Veronica. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And I knew the family well. Jake's son, Duncan, was my first and only love. His daughter Lilly was my best friend. VERONICA: [Teasing] God Lilly, I see the Prozac's working. LILLY: [Happily] High on life, Veronica Mars. I've got a secret, a good one. CAR WASH ORGANISER: Girls, less talk, more scrub. LILLY: Later. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Those were the last words Lilly and I ever shared. Cut to flashing lights on top of a Sheriff's Department car. Keith, in Sheriff's uniform, heads into the Kane house while Veronica waits in the car. Duncan is sitting in the entrance, disconnected and rocking back and forth. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Later that night as I was driving home from picking up dinner with Dad, a call came in over the radio. All the dispatcher said was that there was a disturbance at the Kane estate. [Exiting the car] Dad gave me specific instructions to stay in the car but the moment I saw Duncan, I knew that this was more than a disturbance. VERONICA: [Kneeling before Duncan] What happened? Duncan, what happened? Duncan is completely unresponsive. Veronica looks around and then back at Duncan. VERONICA: Where's Lilly? Duncan reacts by looking distressed. Cut to Keith as he approaches the body of Lilly Kane, lying by a pool. Keith is saddened. Jake Kane, a sobbing Celeste Kane and a deputy, the man who subsequently replaces Keith as Sheriff, stand in the background. VERONICA VOICEOVER: But everyone knows this story. The murder of Lilly Kane. It was on the cover of People magazine. It made 'Entertainment Tonight'. The town flooded with journalists. Cut back to flashback Veronica and Duncan. VERONICA: Duncan, talk to me, please. Veronica gives up with Duncan and runs out to the pool where she is distressed to see Lilly. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And of course everyone remembers reading about the bungling local sheriff, the one who went after the wrong man. That bungling sheriff was my dad. Keith simultaneously holds her and forces her back. Cut to the present. Jake Kane makes his way between parked cars and up a floor of a motel. Veronica pulls up in front of the hotel and observes. VERONICA VOICEOVER: But if my dad wasn't right about Jake Kane then, it looks like Mrs Kane is right about him now. Not a lot of high powered business meetings taking place at the Camelot at one in the morning. Kane knocks on the door to room 6 and is let in. VERONICA VOICEOVER: They say the divorce rate is twice as high for parents who lose a child. Lose a child. Now there's a euphemism for you. Flashback to the school library where Veronica is using one of the computers. Near her are two boys staring at another screen. VERONICA VOICEOVER: That hardly takes into account the way she was found. VERONICA: What? You guys found a way to unlock the p0rn? COMPUTER GUY: It's the Lilly Kane video. How do you think that family feels? Veronica moves round to see the screen. Lilly's body is on the screen, head wound in full display. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Six weeks after Lilly Kane's death, someone from the Sheriff's Department leaked the crime scene video. Within 24 hours it was all over the net. Streaming video made it possible. Someone made a fortune while Dad took the blame. A distressed Veronica quickly leaves but runs straight into Logan. LOGAN: [Glassy eyed] So does your uh does your dad still think that Lilly's father did this? That's my girlfriend. Your friend. Duncan's sister. Your dad is destroying the Kane family. What's the matter with you people, huh? What's the matter with you? Cut to Keith and Lianne. She is packing cushions into large moving boxes while he follows her. KEITH: He did it Lianne. The man is a liar, nothing changes. Nothing adds up. Not his alibi. Not the sequence of events. Nothing. LIANNE: I don't care. It doesn't matter. [argument continues] VERONICA VOICEOVER: My dad's belief that Jake Kane was the murderer became a moot point. An emergency recall election removed him from office. Mom wanted to move out of Neptune. The camera pulls back to reveal Veronica, in hearing distance of the argument, sitting in front of a television on which commentary can be faintly heard in the background. VERONICA VOICEOVER: The loss of status, the loss of income was too much for her. We were gonna move all right, we couldn't afford our house. But Dad wasn't gonna to be run out of town and neither was I. On the television flashback Veronica is watching, there is a Breaking News story. A large man is being led in handcuffs by Keith's deputy, now the Sheriff. TV: our own Jennifer Stevens VERONICA: Dad, come here. TV: The Neptune's Sheriff's Department reacted KEITH: [Joining her in front of the television] Hey, I'm sorry honey. Me and your mom, we're going to work this out, okay. TV: Abel Koontz, a disgruntled former Kane Software employee. Koontz, a software designer, was fired during the development stage of Kane Software's streaming video project. Shoes and a backpack belonging to the deceased were discovered on Koontz's houseboat by Sheriff Don Lamb, who said- Keith switches off the television. The flashback ends as Veronica continues to observe Room 6 of the Camelot hotel. The sound of motorcycles fills the air and she is soon surrounded by the bikers. VERONICA: Well, this can't be good. Weevil gestures for her to roll down her window. WEEVIL: Car trouble, miss? VERONICA: Yeah, as a matter of fact. I think it might be a loose belt but if you wouldn't mind checking under the hood. SCARY BIKER: [Approaching the car] Hey Weevil, who gets the first danc- Veronica's pit bull jumps out of the window of the back seat of the car, jaws fastening onto the biker's arm and bringing him down. SCARY BIKER: Get him off me! Get him off me, get him off me! Felix comes round from the front of the car, threatening. FELIX: Girl, you best call off your dog. Veronica tasers him in the centre of his chest and he goes down. Weevil is not impressed with the state of his troops. VERONICA: Backup, chill. [Backup lets go of Scary Biker. To Weevil] I'll tell you what. We'll call it a draw. WEEVIL: Baby, come on, it's too late for that. VERONICA: Here's the deal. Leave that kid at school alone for a week and I'll make sure your boys walk. WEEVIL: Why you care so much for that skinny negro anyway. Things I heard about you, you must really lay the pipe right, huh. VERONICA: Yeah, that's it. Felix claws his way back up to Veronica's open window and is shown sight of the charged taser. WEEVIL: All right, all right, all right � Felix, we get it, you're a badass, okay. But for once don't be stupid. [Felix backs off, somewhat grateful] VERONICA: Not bad advice. WEEVIL: All right, one week. After that, we come for you, your boy and your little dog too. VERONICA: [To a growling dog] Backup, be cool. WEEVIL: You get lonely out here remember, Weevil love you long time. [Smacks kisses] Veronica gives him the thumbs up as the bikers leave. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Quite a reputation I've got, huh. You wanna know how I lost my virginity? So do I. Flashback to a party. The music is "Give You More" by Taxi Doll. SONG: I wanna give another little thing a try A little something that has finally caught my eye I'll move it so you'll see it feels just like a crawl And then I'll know exactly how you're gonna fall I know what you're wanting I know what you're needing I know what you're wanting I want to give you more just like that, yeah I'm gonna give you more I'm gonna give you more I'm gonna give you more And I won't let you down when move it around I'm gonna give you more I'm gonna give you more I'm gonna give you more Get your feet off the ground, gonna turn it around, yeah. Couples are eating each other, drinking and otherwise being appropriately debauched as Veronica wanders through, being snubbed by one and all. Logan is there, as is Duncan. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I went to a party at Shelley Pomeroy's just to show everyone their whispers and backstabbing didn't affect me. It was a mistake. I don't know who handed me the drink. I wish I did. It turns out it was your basic rum, coke and roofie. Veronica drinks from a plastic pint. The music abruptly changes to Death in Vegas' "Girls". The focus changes as she moves unsteadily out to the Jacuzzi and collapses onto a sunlounger. The scene blacks out and when Veronica comes to, she is on a bed, partially covered by the bedding. She is still wearing her white party dress but her panties are on the floor. She cries silently and the scene merges into one of her walking barefoot down the street in the dawn. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I never told my dad. I'm not sure what he would have done with that information but no good would have come of it. And what does it matter. I'm no longer that girl. Cut to the present. Jake Kane leaves the motel room turning back to have a few last words with its occupant. VERONICA: [Training a camera on him] All right lady, let's see ya. Veronica takes pictures but only a woman's hand can be seen on the door. Cut to day, at the High School. Veronica is walking across the car park. LOGAN: There's Veronica. Logan's bright yellow SUV pulls up next to and keeps pace with Veronica. Logan is driving, Duncan is in the passenger's seat and a couple of other guys are in the back. LOGAN: Hey Ronnie. Hey, we've decided that we'd, uh, we'd rather surf than study today, you wanna come with? Duncan will promise to take his shirt off. Does that sweeten the pot? [Looks back at his appreciative audience in the rear] Does it make you horny? Hey DK, flex for your ex. DUNCAN: [Unamused] Shut up, Logan LOGAN: All right, all right. Hey, hey, hey. [Veronica and the car stop as Logan pulls out a hipflask] What do you say to a little hootch, huh? What's the matter, aren't you your mother's daughter? Hmm? Now there was a woman who could drink. Hey, what's she up to nowadays, maybe she'll join us. Do you know where she is? Any clue? Duncan's had enough and grabs Logan by the shoulder. DUNCAN: Leave her alone, man LOGAN: Ooh, chill pill, man. All right. Aw, she used to be fun, man. Bye. Logan floors it and races off. Veronica watches. VERONICA VOICEOVER: It's been eight months since I've seen my mother. Flashback to Veronica in bed. She gets up and sees a music box with a note attached. VERONICA VOICEOVER: A month after Dad lost his job, Mom split for good. All she left me was a unicorn music box and a note saying she would be back for me someday. The note reads: Veronica, I have to leave for a while. I'll be back for you. Love always, Mom. Veronica crumples the note and throws it in the rubbish following it swiftly with the box. Cut to the present. Veronica heads for her lunch table. Wallace is already there. Veronica sits and digs out an apple and a notebook. WALLACE: Girl, you should hear what people say about you. VERONICA: So then what are you doing sitting here? WALLACE: You sat next to me. VERONICA: This is my table. WALLACE: And what a fine table it is. What do you suppose this is made of? Oak? VERONICA: Look, if people are saying such awful things WALLACE: Well, I figure I've got a choice. I can either hang out with the punks who laughed at me, took pictures of me while I was taped to that flagpole or I can hang out with the chick who cut me down. VERONICA: So you want to get the PCH Biker Club off your ass? Wallace nods and Veronica laughs. Cut to the school's ceramics class. Veronica and Wallace are at the table of another student. He is looking through a notebook. CORNY: This is so twisted. I love it. VERONICA: Well can you do it 'cos we need it fast. CORNY: Oh hell yeah, for you, oh anything. I'll even throw in the glazing gratis. VERONICA: Go to town. Thanks Corny. Veronica and Wallace leave. The Street's "Weak Becomes Heroes" starts up. SONG: Turn left up the street Nothing but grey concrete and dead beats We were just standing there minding our own And it went on and on We all smile, we all sing The weak become heroes then the stars align. We all sing We all sing Sing The night slowly fades and goes slow motion All the commotion becomes floating emotions Same piano loops over Dizzy new heights blinded by the lights These people are for life It's all back to his place at the end of the night, yo We were just standing there minding our own And it went on and on We all smile, we all sing The weak become heroes then the stars align. Corny continues to flick through the notebook. CORNY: Oh my god! Cut to Veronica's room. A board on the wall, covered in surveillance photos, computer discs and post-it notes. Veronica is sitting at a low table, using a laptop. VERONICA VOICEOVER: While Corny did his thing, I downloaded the pictures from the Camelot. Every girl's gotta have a hobby. Photography's mine. Veronica pulls up a picture of a man (not Kane?) and a licence plate and prints it off. She pins it onto her board. Cut to Veronica at a small table in the kitchen of the apartment, working. Keith enters, drops his bags, looks at her and sighs loudly. VERONICA: [Impatiently] And? KEITH: [Outstretching arms] Who's your daddy? VERONICA: Ack. I hate it when you say that. KEITH: You know what, this is important. You remember this. I used to be cool! VERONICA: [Sceptical] When? KEITH: '77. Trans Am, Blue Oyster Cult in the 8-track, a foxy stacked blond riding shotgun, racing for pink slips. Now wait a minute, I'm thinking of a Springsteen song. Scratch everything, I was never cool. VERONICA: I don't know which bothers me more, "foxy" or "stacked". KEITH: [Producing cheque] I nailed our bail jumper one hundred yards from Me-i-co, [handing cheque to Veronica] twenty five hundred bucks. No sack dinners tonight. Tonight, [starting a shuffle] we eat, like the lower middle class to which we aspire. Fire up the 'bachie. [Shuffles off right, singing] Ya-pa-ba-pa-ba, bom-pa-da-bompa, ba-bop. [Pops head back round] For real, steaks. Veronica laughs. Cut to later. Keith is grilling steaks on a barbeque on the roof outside the apartment. Blue Oyster Cult's "Don't Fear the Reaper" plays. SONG: All our times have come Here but now they're gone Seasons don't fear the reaper Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain We can be like they are Come on baby Don't fear the reaper Baby take my hand Don't fear the reaper We'll be able to fly Don't fear the reaper Baby I'm your man La, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la. Keith grooves as he cooks. VERONICA: So Jake Kane went to the Camelot last night and hooked up with some hussy. KEITH: Didn't I say something about you not involved in that? VERONICA: I remember you saying something about taking Backup. KEITH: You get pictures? VERONICA: No money shot, the woman in question never stepped foot outside but I did get pictures of licence plates. I figured you could run them. KEITH: Let me see 'em. Veronica hand over the photo she printed off. Keith turns away from Veronica to examine it. He is shocked at what he sees. He crumples the photo. KEITH: [Firmly] You stay away from Jake Kane. [Tosses photo down] I don't want you doing anything else on this case. We're gonna drop it anyway. I'm gonna let his wife know. VERONICA: [Perplexed] What? We're dropping the case? Why? What's wrong? Who is it? Why don't you just tell me? KEITH: Veronica. No. It's done, it's over with. Just stay away from him. Cut to Veronica in her car observing a body shop. The naked female kind. [SCENE_BREAK] VERONICA VOICEOVER: I had another case to occupy my brain. Loretta Cancoon says the Seventh Veil has an interesting way of keeping their liquor licence. This was phase one of my plan to save Wallace. Phase two would begin the next day. Veronica trains her camcorder on the Seventh Veil. Cut to day and the school. Veronica and Wallace enter and run up some stairs. VERONICA: Let's go. WALLACE: Hey, FloJo, slow your ass down. Veronica pauses at the top and holds Wallace back to observe Logan, who is in the process of a locker search by the Vice Principal and the deputy (without Buster). LOGAN: [Opening the locker and stepping back.] There you go. From inside the locker can be seen a bong in the form of a cherub. CLEMMONS: [Reaching for the bong] Well, what's this Logan? This would appear to be a device they use to smoke marijuana. LOGAN: [Amazed] That's exactly what it looks like. CLEMMONS: Back to the office. Come on. GUY IN HALL: Oh man, Logan's busted. LOGAN: [Spots Veronica and points] It was you? [Veronica does a 'Who me?' gesture] Listen, I know it was you. This isn't over, okay. Veronica exaggerates a yawn. CLEMMONS: Hey. LOGAN: [Still pointing aggressively] You're so cute. Listen, I'll get you for this. CLEMMONS: [Pushing Logan along] Let's go. LOGAN: I will. CLEMMONS: Come on, let's go. Corny watches and then walks on, congratulating Veronica as he goes. Strains of Miriam Makeba's "Pata Pata" can be heard. CORNY: Eeee, solid. WALLACE: You're right, that was funny. VERONICA: Meet me at my car after school. Let's see if you've done your part. SONG: Saguguka sathi beka (Nantsi, pata pata) Saguguka sathi beka (Yiyo, pata pata) Yi yo mama yiyo mama (Nantsi, pata pata) Yi yo mama yiyo mama (Yiyo, pata pata) Saguguka sathi beka (Nantsi, pata pata) Saguguka sathi beka (Yiyo, pata pata) Yi yo mama yiyo mama (Nantsi, pata pata) Cut to the outside of the Sheriff's Department. Veronica and Wallace are sitting in the car. Wallace is clutching the control unit of his model airplane. VERONICA VOICEOVER: After school, I drove Wallace to the Sheriff's Department. This was phase three. WALLACE: You know, we could get into a lot of trouble for this. VERONICA: [Reaching for the control unit] Give it here. WALLACE: [Shaking her off] Wait. I'm gonna do it. I just thought one of us should state the obvious. Wallace hits one of the controls. It clicks. Cut to the bong in the police evidence room. It sparks and begins to smoke. Cut to Inga who smells something. Cut to the grill over the door to the evidence room with smoke pouring out. Cut to Wallace. WALLACE: I wonder if it worked. Cut back to Inga. She sees the smoke. INGA: Ach, du lieber Gott. Ein feuer! Cut to racing fire engine which pulls up in front of the Sheriff's Department. Veronica and Wallace watch, flushed with success. VERONICA: It worked. Cut to firemen entering the evidence room. Extinguisher sounds. Cut to the fire station where a couple of firemen are setting up barbells. Veronica enters the station. VERONICA: Hey Adam, hey Eddie, is the Chief around? The Chief is coming up behind her. He has a large envelope in his hand. PHIL: Well if it isn't Smokey the Barely Legal. VERONICA: I saw you in action today Phil. You were very brave. Did you make the switch? PHIL: [Handing over the envelope] Fait accompli. VERONICA: [Softly] Thank you. Cut to Mars Investigations. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Plenty of people in this town still love Dad. That comes in handy sometimes. [Enlarging the licence plate on the Camelot picture] Other times you rely on your own devices. Veronica enlarges the Camelot picture on her laptop and focuses on the licence plate. She picks up the phone and dials. VOICE ON TELEPHONE: San Juan Capistrano PD. VERONICA: [Adopting Inga's accent] Tony, it's Inga. Ahh, guess what? Our computers is down again. TONY: Inga. Upgrade already, this must be the tenth time. VERONICA: You preach to the choir, Tony. Listen, we had a hit and run last night. Victim got the plates but we need someone to run them. TONY: No problem. Hit me. VERONICA: Arizona-Four-Victor-Golf-Zero-Zero-Zero. TONY: Well, I'll be damned. Some families. VERONICA: What is it? TONY: That car is registered to one Lianne Mars. Veronica lets the mouthpiece drop away from her mouth. She is slowly replacing the receiver when Keith enters from his office. KEITH: Bored. [Leaning against the doorjamb] Call it a day, maybe catch a movie or something? VERONICA: Explain to me again why we're dropping the Kane case. KEITH: [Uncomfortably and not looking at Veronica] Look. I um I did run those plates and uh it's what I thought, corporate espionage stuff. [Veronica sags behind him] It's dangerous. We don't get paid enough. So Let's just drop it okay? VERONICA: 'Kay KEITH: Movie? VERONICA: Can't. Veronica grabs her stuff and leaves before Keith turns around. KEITH: Well maybe we can rent something. Uh, what are you what are you in the mood f- Keith sees the door close. Cut to inside the Sheriff's Department. Veronica approaches Inga's counter. INGA: Veronica! Ach, little Veronica, how are you? How's your father. VERONICA: Fine, Inga, we're both fine. INGA: I haven't seen you since [realisation hits] since VERONICA: [Brusquely] Been a while. Can you tell me where the Cortez-Win prelim is? INGA: Courtroom three. VERONICA: Thanks. [Heads out] VERONICA VOICEOVER: The last time I was here. Come on, Inga. That's easy. Cut to Veronica in her white party dress after her rape. She slowly mounts the steps to the Sheriff's Department. She approaches Inga's desk, clearly distressed. INGA: Veronica! What happened to you? VERONICA: I need to report a crime. Cut to a derisive Sheriff Lamb in his office. Veronica sits on the other side of his desk. SHERIFF LAMB: [Sarcastically] Is there anyone in particular you'd like me to arrest or should I just round up the sons of the most important families in town? [Veronica can't believe his response] I've got not a shred of evidence to work with here but that really doesn't matter to your family, now does it. [Veronica can't hold back a tear] Ummm...Look at this. She cries. [Leans back in his chair] I'll tell you what Veronica Mars, why don't you go see the wizard. Ask for a little back bone. Cut immediately to present day scene of Lamb giving evidence. SHERIFF LAMB: When we find 'em, they've still got twenty bottles stuffed in their pockets. [Pauses as he sees Veronica enter the court. He is taken aback] They say they bought the beers but we've got it all on tape, so PROSECUTOR: Your Honour, can we show the tape? JUDGE: Let's see it. SHERIFF LAMB: All right, what you're gonna see here are the two defendants over there. The defendants are Hector and the Asian Biker from the Sac-n-Pac. They are being represented by Cliff. SHERIFF LAMB: They enter and The video is not from the Sac-n-Pac. It is from the Seventh Veil where one of the Sheriff's Deputies is escorting one of the strippers from the club to his vehicle. JUDGE: What are we seeing here, Sheriff? SHERIFF LAMB: Uh, Your Honour, I JUDGE: Sheriff Lamb, is this one of your officers? Is this how you run your department? Lamb is uncomfortable, Veronica amused. The courtroom gives a collective gasp as the stripper heads down to the deputy's lap. Lamb is frantically trying to figure out what's going on. CLIFF: Ahh, Your Honour, is this an appropriate time to for a dismissal in People v Loretta Cancoon. Lamb looks up. Veronica fashions a gun with forefinger and thumb and nails him with a verbal 'Tsk'. "Atomic Girl" by the Wannabes powers in. Lamb gets it, as does Cliff who is appreciative. Veronica leaves. JUDGE: Counsel. Lamb stares after her. He is not a happy bunny. Cut to Veronica pulling up at the beach. SONG: Hello, Atomic Girl, your signal's getting weak The world is suffocating fast [Indecipherable line] There's been a problem You're so much stronger You're lonely by yourself Just waiting to be found Wallace is flying his plane. She has the envelope from Fire Chief Phil and joins him. VERONICA: Got a present for you. Veronica hands the envelope to Wallace. He open it and pulls out a video. He gives a huge sigh of relief as he replaces it in the envelope. WALLACE: I owe you big time. VERONICA: I had my own reasons for doing it, trust me. WALLACE: Oh no you don't. You really think I'm gonna let you get away with that? That might play with the masses. But underneath that angry young women shell, there's a slightly less angry young woman who's just dying to bake me something. You're a marshmallow, Veronica Mars, a twinkie. Veronica laughs softly. Later, still on the beach, Veronica has the plane controls. VERONICA: OK, how do I make it loop the loop? Wallace is distracted by something he can see in the distance. WALLACE: Uh, Veronica? VERONICA: Yeah. WALLACE: Your car. Veronica looks and hands the controls back to Wallace. She heads for her car. Logan is lying on the bonnet, a tyre iron in his hands. Three other guys are standing around. Next to Veronica's car is another SUV. Veronica stops in front of her car. Wallace races up behind her. LOGAN: Hey, Veronica Mars. [Jumping off the car] Do you know what your little joke cost me? VERONICA: Well, I'm pretty sure you won't be getting your bong back. Logan swings the tyre iron and takes out a headlight. Veronica flinches. LOGAN: [Twirling the tyre iron] Wrong answer. Would you care to guess again? VERONICA: Clearly your sense of humour. Logan takes out the other headlight. LOGAN: Nope. You're usually so good at pop quizzes. The correct answer is my car. That's right. My Daddy took my T-Bird away. And you know what I won't be having. Fun, fun, fun. Logan has moved to stand directly in front of Veronica and doesn't notice the sound of motorbike engines pulling up. LOGAN LACKEY: Uh-uh, Logan. Weevil and co. pull up to the scene. Logan finally notices and turns around. Weevil gets off his bike as Logan heads towards him. WEEVIL: What do we have here? Vandalism? No, no no. Only vandalism that happens in this town goes through me. LOGAN: Listen man, I don't have a problem with you. WEEVIL: That's where you're wrong. They stare at each other. In the meantime Felix has pulled himself onto the running strip of the SUV and leaned in to pick out a CD. FELIX: Hey yo. Is this O-Town any good? I mean my little sister likes it but you know, she likes ponies and juice boxes too. [The bikers laugh.] WALLACE: I suddenly feel like I'm in a scene from 'The Outsiders'. VERONICA: Be cool, Sodapop. Weevil has relieved Logan of the tyre iron and heads for the SUV. LOGAN LACKEY: Hey that's not his car, that's my mom's car. WEEVIL: She can bill me. Weevil hits the SUV in the middle of the bonnet, hard. He takes out one of the headlights and then goes for the bonnet a couple times more. Everyone watches, the Loganites in horror, the biker in glee. WEEVIL: That's it. [Hands the tyre iron to Logan Lackey] Head for the hills. I'm not gonna say it twice. Logan's crowd heads for the SUV. WEEVIL: [Pointing to Logan] Except for you. You, say you're sorry. LOGAN: [Chuckles] Rub a lamp. [Winks] Weevil punches him in the stomach. Logan goes down. Veronica looks uncomfortable. WEEVIL: I said, say you're sorry. Logan gets back up and faces Weevil again. LOGAN: [Deliberately] Kiss my ass. Weevil throws a punch to Logan's face. He goes down again. Weevil laughs. Logan gets up again, blood coming from his nose. He is not going to apologise. WEEVIL: Now VERONICA: Let him go. WEEVIL: Are you sure? I could do this for a while. VERONICA: I don't want his apology. Logan heads for the SUV. WEEVIL: So that, uh, surveillance tape just poof? VERONICA: That's fortunate. Logan and friends drive off with the bikers encouragement. WEEVIL: My uncle has a body shop on the highway. If you come in, you know, I can make sure your body gets the full service treatment. VERONICA: OK, now you apologise. WEEVIL: I'm sorry, w-was that too dirty, 'cause VERONICA: Not to me dork. To him [indicating Wallace]. WEEVIL: Right. No. VERONICA: Fine. He has the only copy of the Sac-n-Pac video. Wallace, let's go decide what to do with it. WEEVIL: OK. Wait, wait, wait, look, look. I'm sorry man, umm, for, you know, taping you to the the flagpole, I'm sorry. WALLACE: All right. WEEVIL: Can I have the tape back now? WALLACE: No. Veronica laughs and she and Wallace get in her car as Weevil looks on. Cut to night. The music is "Butterflies" by David Garza. SONG: Speaking of the truth, I like to hear that once in a while And I'll even listen to all your vanity Utter lies are like butterflies They just both die in a couple of days Show me all your proof, put it right in front of my eyes And I'll even listen to all your vanity Utter lies are like butterflies They just both die in a couple of days. Veronica is driving. VERONICA VOICEOVER: This morning when I woke up, I had one person in the world I could count on. But if there's something I've learned in this business, the people you love let you down. Veronica has pulled up outside Mars Investigations and watches her father leave the office. She heads in once it's clear and goes into Keith's office. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Dad doesn't think I know where he keeps the combination to the safe. He's wrong. Of course, I've never needed to use it. [Opens safe and pulls out a large file.] Oh my god, the Lilly Kane murder file. What's Dad been up to? Some of these notes are less than a month old. The confessed killer is already on death row but Dad still hasn't given up on the case. My surveillance photo from the Camelot, why is it in the Lilly Kane file? What was Mom doing there and what business did she have with Jake Kane. And the million dollar question, why did Dad lie to me? Veronica is now sitting at the desk in the main office, pondering. Keith enters. KEITH: What are you doing back here? I saw the light. VERONICA: I forgot a few of my books. KEITH: It's up and at 'em, Atom Ant, come on. It's family fun night. I called out to Mama Leone's, I rented 'The South Park Movie'. VERONICA: My favourite. KEITH: Hey, who's your Daddy? VERONICA: [Smiling] You are. Uh, I have to make a stop, so meet you at home? KEITH: OK. But hurry up. I worry about you. VERONICA: [Kissing her father] Yeah, you do. She leaves. Keith looks over to the desk. The unicorn music box is open and playing on the desk. He looks sad and pensive. VERONICA VOICEOVER: OK, so he lied to me. But I've got to believe he has his reasons. He's probably trying to protect me. That's what dads do. [Cut to Veronica driving.] Still, I've got too many questions swirling about in my head to wait until he's willing to share. These questions need answers. That's what I do. Cut to Veronica's hand, knocking on the door of Room 6 at the Camelot. There is no answer. Camera pulls back as Veronica gazes out over the motel balcony. VERONICA VOICEOVER: OK, it's a long shot but I can't help myself. I used to think I knew what tore our family apart. Now I'm sure I don't. But I promise this. I will find out what really happened and I will bring this family back together again. I'm sorry, is that mushy? Well, you know what they say. Veronica Mars, she's a marshmallow.

While trying to navigate the everyday drama of high school, the smart, fearless, 17-year-old Veronica Mars also moonlights as an apprentice private investigator out to solve her wealthy town of Neptune's toughest mysteries. After coming to the aid of the new kid, sophomore Wallace Fennel, who's been duct-taped to the school's flagpole, Veronica ends up incurring the wrath of the thugs who put him there, Eli "Weevil" Navarro and his P.C.H. Biker Boyz. To get Weevil and his gang off her and Wallace's case, Veronica devises an intricate plan that helps some of Weevil's cronies avoid trouble with the law.

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TERMINUS BY: STEPHEN GALLAGHER Part Three First Air Date: 22 February 1983 Running time: 24:39 [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: I'd appreciate some help. KARI: Is it a machine? DOCTOR: No. He's wearing radiation armour. Keep him covered. KARI: My power pack's dead. DOCTOR: Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Let me have your radio. KARI: It's always the same pattern. DOCTOR: Well, at least the level's acceptable, for the time being. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] NYSSA: Are you in charge? EIRAK: Be quiet. NYSSA: Please listen. EIRAK: Shut the door. INGA: You'll get nothing out of them. They're not interested. NYSSA: I've got to make them understand. INGA: You can't even bribe them. The only thing they care about is Hydromel, the drug that keeps them alive. NYSSA: What are they going to do with us? INGA: Supposedly cure us, but I rather think they're going to let us die. [SCENE_BREAK] SIGURD: Lazar assessment from tank three, Eirak. EIRAK: Coloured water. They must think we're fools. They've even reduced the size of the consignment. SIGURD: Why the cutback? EIRAK: Maybe our performance is down. SIGURD: But we process everyone who comes here. Why doesn't the Company send someone to see the conditions we work under? EIRAK: Maybe they already have. We are slaves. The Company doesn't need to tell us anything. VALGARD: Intruders. I saw two people down in the stockyard, a man and a girl. They went into the Forbidden Zone. EIRAK: Lazars? VALGARD: No. No, they were too fit. And they were armed. SIGURD: Agents from the Company. EIRAK: Why didn't you stop them? VALGARD: I tried. SIGURD: Why are they in the Forbidden Zone? EIRAK: The perfect place to hide. We never go there. As the Company has decided to cut back our supply of Hydromel, it is in our own interest to learn why. If the couple in the Forbidden Zone are from the Company, their knowledge is vital. VALGARD: How do we find them? EIRAK: Someone must go after them. VALGARD: Why don't you? You're supposed to be our honoured leader. EIRAK: I'm needed here. VALGARD: So you keep telling us, although I sometimes wonder whether we need you at all. SIGURD: Valgard! EIRAK: You think you could be better? VALGARD: Yes. EIRAK: All right, I'll make you an offer. Bring back the spies and I'll step down in your favour. VALGARD: I have your word on that? EIRAK: You have the Vanir as your witness. Think of it as a bet. If you're ambitious enough, you'll accept it. VALGARD: All right, agreed. EIRAK: Then go! SIGURD: He'll die in the Forbidden Zone. EIRAK: He hates me. He'll succeed. SIGURD: And you will give him what you say? EIRAK: Of course. [SCENE_BREAK] INGA: There's no way out, just as there's no cure. It's hopeless. NYSSA: Tell me about the Forbidden Zone. INGA: You don't give up, do you. NYSSA: Tell me. INGA: I only know what I've heard. It's where the radiation's too strong for them, and where we're supposed to be cured. NYSSA: And what's the Garm? INGA: You'll find out soon enough. [SCENE_BREAK] SIGURD: They're starting to move the Lazars. Tank three. OLVIR: I'll be down in a moment. [SCENE_BREAK] SIGURD: I've just come from the equipment store. I think we have a third intruder. EIRAK: Excellent. Carry on with those. EIRAK: It seems Valgard's mission was unnecessary after all. Come on, we'll apprehend this one ourselves. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Why do the crew put up with such a radiation leak? KARI: It could be part of the cure. DOCTOR: Olvir said there wasn't one. So, why don't they repair it? KARI: They may not know how to. DOCTOR: Hmm. Radiation. Fallout. Now that's a thought. KARI: What? DOCTOR: Nothing. Just an idea worth pursuing. [SCENE_BREAK] EIRAK: You. Turn around. EIRAK: You fool. SIGURD: But it spoke. EIRAK: Perhaps you're developing the Lazar disease. [SCENE_BREAK] VALGARD: I'm going. [SCENE_BREAK] EIRAK: It's hardly touched. Take her first, then. SIGURD: You. NYSSA: No. No, wait. Others are worse than me. EIRAK: The fit ones go first. Take her. NYSSA: No. No, please. No. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: What is it? KARI: I can hear someone singing. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Tegan. TEGAN: What? TURLOUGH: If ever you had to kill someone, could you do it? Could you? TEGAN: No. I don't know. If it was important, to save my friend, to defend myself. TURLOUGH: But cold-bloodedly? TEGAN: You're weird, Turlough. What a subject to bring up at a time like this. Come on, let's find the control room. GUARDIAN (OOV.): You are a fool, boy. [SCENE_BREAK] KARI: Who is it? DOCTOR: Well, he seems happy enough. Let's find out. KARI: No. DOCTOR: He's hurt. Hello, I'm the Doctor. Can I help? BOR: Most kind. Yes. A burden is a, er, something or other. Most kind. Thanks. This way. BOR: The cold ground. Rest in peace. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Curious. What do you make of this? TEGAN: It's a map. Like one of those diagrams when they thought the Earth was at the centre of the universe. TURLOUGH: Hmm. Strange, isn't it. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Terminus entrance. At least we know where the radiation comes from. DOCTOR: Look at the damage. Easy now. BOR: Thank you. Most kind. Most kind. My name is, er, Bor. I. Haven't we met somewhere before? DOCTOR: Indeed. I'm the Doctor. BOR: Short term memory's the first to go. KARI: He needs a medic. BOR: Do you know anything about engines? DOCTOR: A little. BOR: I tried to pull down the control cables. I picked the wrong ones. Power lines. As I couldn't stop the radiation, I had to try and wall it in. Now things are even worse. DOCTOR: In what way? BOR: The whole lot's unstable. Know what would happen if one of those exploded? It'd be more than just a loud bang. DOCTOR: Chain reaction. BOR: Nothing in the universe would be safe. KARI: What? BOR: Did I tell you? One of the engines has already exploded. DOCTOR: When? BOR: No, oh, it was a long time ago. It's all in the computer. That one will go next. I didn't find out why until I followed the control cables. KARI: Why wasn't Terminus destroyed in the explosion? BOR: Terminus is protected. VALGARD: Tell them nothing, Bor. They're Company spies. BOR: Really? They seemed so friendly. VALGARD: You forget our last encounter. The power pack is exhausted. I'm taking you back, but not before I've beaten some respect into you. BOR: My wall! KARI: Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] NYSSA: Let me go. Please, please, let me go. SIGURD: Don't you want to be cured? This is for your own good. NYSSA: Please, let me go. SIGURD: At least, that's what I'm told. [SCENE_BREAK] KARI: What's that? DOCTOR: Some sort of signal. DOCTOR: Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] NYSSA: No! What is that thing? SIGURD: Your cure. The Garm's found Bor. BOR: Most kind. SIGURD: Let's get him to Eirak while he can still talk. OLVIR: Let's see that chain. NYSSA: No! OLVIR: It's me, Nyssa. NYSSA: Quickly! Quick. OLVIR: I can't, I'm not strong enough. NYSSA: Olvir! [SCENE_BREAK] KARI: What are you looking for now? DOCTOR: The control lines. The ones Bor said he followed. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: There must be a way to recreate the door we entered this ship by. Wait here. [SCENE_BREAK] KARI: This is a complete waste of time. Bor doesn't know what he's talking about. He's suffering from radiation sickness. DOCTOR: Yes, you're right about the sickness. I want to find out what he discovered. KARI: Does it matter? DOCTOR: I think it could be rather important. [SCENE_BREAK] SIGURD: Bor, can you hear me? BOR: Sigurd? SIGURD: Why did you do it? You knew you couldn't survive in the Forbidden Zone. BOR: Worth a try. The pilot's dead, you know. SIGURD: Pilot? BOR: Of Terminus. SIGURD: What? BOR: But he's still there. He's going to fire up the engines again and they won't take it and the big bang will happen all over again. EIRAK: Where's his helmet? SIGURD: He didn't have it. He's delirious. He needs Hydromel. EIRAK: There isn't any to spare. SIGURD: But he's dying. EIRAK: So why detain him? [SCENE_BREAK] GUARDIAN (OOV.): You have not destroyed the Doctor. TURLOUGH: I haven't found him yet. GUARDIAN (OOV.): Kill the Doctor. TURLOUGH: I will, I will. I have a plan. GUARDIAN (OOV.): You have nothing. TURLOUGH: I do! But I need to get back to the TARDIS. GUARDIAN (OOV.): Why? TURLOUGH: Trust me. TEGAN (OOV.): Turlough! TURLOUGH: How do I recreate the door? GUARDIAN (OOV.): Fail me again TURLOUGH: I won't, I promise. GUARDIAN (OOV.): Then search for an emergency bypass switch. TURLOUGH: Where? GUARDIAN (OOV.): You have skills. Use them. Look beneath your feet. TEGAN: What are you doing? TURLOUGH: Remember when we were underneath the floor? Well, I noticed something familiar. It's only just come to me what it was. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Terminus control. KARI: Look. [SCENE_BREAK] NYSSA: Olvir! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Do you remember Bor saying one of the engines had exploded? KARI: Did he? DOCTOR: He was wrong. It didn't come to that. Look at this. Terminus was once capable of time travel. KARI: So? DOCTOR: Well, to push a ship of this size through time would require an enormous amount of energy. KARI: What are you getting at? DOCTOR: Well, think about what we've learnt. Terminus seems to be at the centre of the universe, yes? Now, imagine this ship in flight. Suddenly the pilot finds he has an enormous amount of unstable fuel on board. What would you do? KARI: Jettison it. DOCTOR: Perfectly normal procedure. Unfortunately, he ejects his fuel into a void. KARI: And it exploded. DOCTOR: Starting a chain reaction. KARI: How big? DOCTOR: Enormous. Biggest explosion of all time. Event One. KARI: The Big Bang? DOCTOR: Yes. KARI: It isn't possible. DOCTOR: A chemical reaction in a primeval swamp can create life on a planet. Why couldn't the universe be created by a similar chance factor, hmm? KARI: But exploding fuel in space? It's almost too simple. DOCTOR: It only appears simple because the circumstances were exactly right. KARI: Well, if what you're saying is right, why wasn't Terminus destroyed in the explosion? DOCTOR: Well, the pilot time-jumped the ship forward before realising how unstable the fuel was. The resulting shockwave must have caught up with him, boosting the ship billions of years into the future. KARI: Killing the pilot and damaging the second engine. DOCTOR: Yes. KARI: If there was a second explosion, would it have the same effect as the jettisoned fuel? DOCTOR: Not quite. Whereas the first explosion created the universe, the second would undoubtedly destroy it. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: There it is. Emergency bypass. We'll soon have that door open. TEGAN: Where's the light coming from? TURLOUGH: It's nothing. [SCENE_BREAK] KARI: What's happening? DOCTOR: I don't know. Oh, no. KARI: What? DOCTOR: It wasn't the pilot's decision. The computer's just started an automatic sequence to jettison the unstable fuel. If we don't do something quickly, the whole universe will be destroyed.

The guards think the Doctor and those with him are investigators since they are not Lazars and are armed. Nyssa is taken off to be treated for the disease by the Garm.

fd_Frasier_09x05

fd_Frasier_09x05_0

Act 1 Scene 1 - Cafe Nervosa Fade in. Niles is sitting at a table, Frasier is ordering at the counter. Frasier: Cranberry muffin, please. And, uh... a vanilla latte. Niles: Oh, dear, comfort food. What happened? Frasier sits. Frasier: Niles? Do you think I'm elitist? Niles: Of course I do. You needn't worry about that. Frasier: No, not in the good way. At work today, I discovered an injurious graffito about me. Scrawled on the men's room wall. Niles: No. Frasier pulls a piece of toilet paper from his pocket to read from. Frasier: Yes. Quote: There once was a man, Frasier Crane, Who says he can feel your pain. But he acts like a snob, To the guys at his job, And I think he's totally lame. Niles: That's terrible! There's a tense shift, an approximate rhyme, the scansion leaves a lot to be desired... Frasier: Niles, you're missing the point! I have always striven to be approachable, the embodiment of the words "If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue..." Niles: "Or walk with kings, nor lose the common touch." Frasier: Exactly! The waiter brings Frasier's coffee and muffin. Frasier: Thank you. If maligner truly knew who I was, he'd have found that a more apt characterization than "snob." Niles: Assuming he's familiar with Kipling. They snicker. Frasier: What are the odds? Roz stops in the doorway to kiss her boyfriend goodbye before he heads off. Frasier: Well, Roz. I'd ask you to join us, but I see you've already had happy hour. Well, here, please, join us. They rise and make room for her and they all sit. Frasier: So? Roz: Well, his name is Roger, and we've been kinda goin' out for the last couple of weeks. Frasier: All right, tell us about him. Roz: He's very sweet - and he's a garbage man, so go ahead and make your jokes. Frasier: What jokes? Why does everyone assume I look down on the common man? Niles: Oh, I've got a good one: So, even in his off time, he's taking out the trash. Roz laughs along with him. Frasier: Technically, that's really more about Roz. Now if I were to make a joke about him, which of course I wouldn't, I'd say he has a thing for Roz's can. Roz: You two finished? They nod as she gets up. Roz: And don't worry, I won't get dumped. She turns and goes to the counter. Niles: I'd already passed on that. Frasier: Yes, it's a bit on the nose. They laugh. FADE OUT. HE KICKED SPASSKY'S BUTT IN REYKJAVIK Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Daphne and Martin are in the living room, going through boxes. Niles comes in the front door. Niles: Dad, Daphne. Daphne: Hey. [she holds up a photo] Look what your father found: a picture of you in a teddy bear costume. Niles: Why do you have all this out? Martin: Well, I was makin' room in the storage closet and I found some of your old stuff. Niles: What else is in here? Martin: Well, here's your cap and your blazer from Bryce academy. Niles sits next to Daphne. Daphne: Oh, I bet you were the cutest thing in that. Niles: Oh, well, here's a picture of me in it. Daphne: [a bit flat] Oh. Niles: [picking up a plaque] Oh, oh, oh, oh. Bobby Fisher's autograph. Martin: Well, son, it's been enough years, I can probably tell you the truth about that. Niles: [holding the plaque to his chest proudly] What? Martin: [covering] Oh, look! A picture of you in your first little league uniform. [wistfully] Don't know why I said "first." Daphne: [taking it] Was that your game face? Niles: Oh, no, no. I'd just lost a tooth to an errant pitch. Martin: Tell her who was pitchin'. Niles: I was. Daphne puts her arm around him to comfort him and kisses his cheek. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3 - KACL Fade in. Frasier is sitting at his desk, Roz comes in with a bouquet. Frasier: Flowers from your new beau? Roz: Yeah. She carries them over to her side. Frasier: Must be nice to be liked. Roz: [coming back] Are you still obsessing over that limerick? Frasier: People are making additions. Good lord, I've read anthologies with fewer contributing authors. Roz: I'm sure they'll all wash right off. Frasier: If only there were a solvent that could remove the stains they've left on my spirit. Roz heads back to her side. Roz: It was a joke. What's the big deal? Frasier: [following] Oh, yes, I know. Being written up on the bathroom wall is no big deal to you. But that limerick made a point, as all good limericks do. It seems to have resonated with everyone around here. I want these people to know the real Frasier Crane. Roz: Wouldn't it be better if you tried to make them like you? Frasier: Yes. And to that end I was thinking along the lines of... oh, say a little party. For the entire staff, at my place. Hey, you could bring Roger! Roz: Thanks. But I think it's a little too soon. I don't want to put any pressure on him. Frasier: Oh, come on, Roz. You're always saying you don't have a date for these things. Roz: There's gonna be a lotta radio talk, and I'm not sure he's gonna be that comfortable with this crowd. Frasier: Who is? Come on, Roz, I'd like to meet him. Roz: I don't know. Maybe next party. Frasier: Does this have anything to do with his occupation, you know, his being a refuse collector? Roz: No, I am completely comfortable with his job. I just don't want him to feel awkward around other people. Frasier: Okay. Roz: Not that he should. Or would. Frasier: Yes, all right, fine, fine. If you change your mind, he's more than welcome. It promises to be a real wing-ding. If being a snob is the reputation I've built around here, then this party will be the wrecking ball of congeniality that tears it down. Roz: Yeah, say stuff like that. Getting her point, he smirks and heads back to his side. FADE OUT. Scene 4 - Roz's Apartment Fade in. Roger comes in the front, carrying Alice and roller blades. [N.B. The first appearance of Ashley Thomas as Alice May Doyle.] Roger: Say "Come on, Mom." Alice: Come on, Mom. Roger: Say "Don't be a wuss." Alice: Don't be a wuss. Roz comes in. Roz: I'm not a wuss. Roger puts Alice down and collapses next to her. Roger: Ohh, I know you said you were gonna make dinner, but why not just open a can of something? Roz: How'd you think I was gonna make dinner? Alice, go pick out some PJs. Roger: [pulling a book from his backpack] When you're ready, I've got a special book for you. It's called "Make Room for Monkeys." Now hurry up, get outta here, go on. Alice hurries off. Roz picks the book up and sits down. Roz: "Make Room for Monkeys"? Where did you find this? You know it's out of print. Roger: Yeah, well, a certain very bad skater told me it was her favorite book when she was growing up, so I kept my eyes open and I found it in a pile of old books. Roz: [nervously] You mean like at the dump? Roger: No, not a dump! Please, it's a secret underground landfill accessible only to garbage men. And the Mole People who live there. I used to be one of them, but then I decided to join the surface dwellers and find my queen. Roz kisses him and leans against him. Roz: Thank you. That's very thoughtful. Roger: And you will make an excellent Mole Queen. Of course, after a year underground, your eyes will fuse shut. Your sense of smell will stick around... Roz: Okay, stop, stop, stop. Do you joke around about your career because you're uncomfortable talking about it? Roger: You mean deeply and utterly ashamed? Roz: Whatever, your words. Roger: I don't know, I've never really thought about it as a career. I mean, it's just a job to me. You know, it's got great benefits, and afternoons off and... when I have a family, I'll get to spend a lot of time with them. How sweet will that be? Roz: Would you like to go to a party with me on Saturday? Roger: I'd love to. I found a great pair of shoes this morning. They damn near match. She slaps him playfully and leans back against him. FADE OUT. Scene 5 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. The staff of KACL is at the party and Frasier is greeting newcomers at the door. Frasier: Good to see you, glad you could come, make yourselves at home. Martin comes over. Martin: Hey, Fras, why don't you introduce me some of your friends? Frasier: I wish I could, Dad. I don't know any of these people myself. Martin: You don't? I better go hide my beer in the crisper. He heads to the kitchen as one of the employees walks up. Jason: Hey, Frasier, thanks for inviting me to your party. Frasier: Well, it's my pleasure... man. Jason: Did you see the game today? Frasier: Actually, I did not. Jason: Aw, man, it was a real squeaker. U-Dub pulled it out at the end with a last minute field goal. It's all about special teams, am I right? Frasier: Ah, right. You know, I think they prefer the term "challenged." The employee looks confused as Frasier notices Roz at the door. Frasier: Roz, Roz! Come on in, Good to see you. And you must be Roger. Roger: Yeah. Frasier: Lovely to meet you. Roger: Hey, Jason. Frasier: Right. Jason, this is Roger. Yeah, the ol' J-man here and I were just shootin' the breeze, ya know. This guy. Okay, so enjoy yourself there. [He turns to Roz as Jason heads away.] So, Roz um... Roger, do you suppose I could borrow Roz for just one minute? Roger: Yeah. Frasier: Thank you so much. He pulls Roz aside. Frasier: Roz, please, don't leave me alone here, I don't know any of these people's names. Roz: Frasier, I can't leave Roger alone in a room full of nosey strangers. Frasier: Oh, look, look, he's already met Dad. He knows as many people as I do. Roz: I'm sorry. You're gonna have to find yourself another patsy. She walks away. Frasier: Well where the hell am I supposed to find another... [noticing] ...Kenny! CUT TO: Roz as she walks by Martin's chair. Noel is sitting in it and gets up. Noel: Hey Roz! Lookin' su-weet! Roz: Hey, Noel. Noel: So, that's the competition? Or, are you just using him to make me jealous? Roz: Actually, I forgot you were gonna be here. Noel: I'll bet you regret bringing the arm candy now. So, uh, what's he do? Roz: He... works for the city. Noel: So, in a manner of speaking, I pay his salary. Which makes me his boss. Does that turn you on? Roz turns away with a very disturbed look. She goes up to Roger. Roz: Roger, would you like something to drink? Roger: Yeah, I'll come with you. Nice meeting you, Martin. They head for the drinks table and meet up with another worker, Cheryl. Cheryl: Hey, Roz. Roz: Hey, Cheryl. Cheryl: Introduce me to your friend. Roz: Roger, this is Cheryl. Roger: Hey, Cheryl, how you doing? Cheryl: Hi, nice to meet you. I think I know you from somewhere. Roger: Yeah? Maybe I work in your neighborhood. Cheryl: Oh, what do you do? Roz: What doesn't he do? He sends me flowers and gives me massages and he's just great. Cheryl: Really? You know she has a kid, right? Roz: Okay, Cheryl! Cheryl takes the hint and walks away. Roger: So, uh, why didn't you tell her what I do? Roz: And have her stalking you at work? I don't think so. CUT TO: Frasier talking to some guests, Dennis and Emily. Emily is a bit overweight. Kenny is behind him, whispering names. Dennis: Great party, Frasier. Frasier: Thanks. Glad you could come... Kenny: Dennis. Frasier: Dennis. You too... Kenny: Emily. Frasier: Emily. Say, when are you expecting? Kenny: NNNOOO! Frasier: ...this weather to change? CUT TO: Noel meeting up with Roger. Noel: Well, you're not the first rustler who's tried to cut my filly from the herd. Roger looks very confused. CUT TO: Frasier talking to Dennis and Emily. Frasier: So, did you guys happen to see the game today? Dennis: No, I missed that. Who won? Martin walks up behind him. Frasier: Actually, it was a real squeaker. U-Dub pulled it out at the last second with a real clutch field goal. Say Dad, what's goin' on? Martin: I don't know. CUT TO: Kenny talking to Roger. Kenny: Yeah, the station manager's sort of the head honcho. You know, the go-to guy. You could replace virtually everybody at the station except for me. [he notices Roz behind him] And Roz! So, uh, what do you do? Roger: I'm a... Roz: Roger, could you please get me a sandwich? Roger: Yeah, okay. Kenny: So I take it handsome's not in the biz, huh? So, what's he do? Roz: What difference does it make Kenny? Why are people so obsessed with what you do? Every party you ever go to, all anyone ever asks you is "What do you do?" "What do you do?" Roger returns behind her. Roz: You know, not everyone has a job they're proud of, did you ever think of that? Why can't you ask him about music or sports or books, for God's sake. "Have you read a good book, lately?" Why don't you ask him that instead of embarrassing everybody. Roger: Here's your sandwich, Roz. Kenny: So, have you read any good books lately? Roger: No, actually, us garbage men don't have a lot of time to read books. We've gotta get up pretty early in the morning, so I guess I'd better get out of here. Bye, Roz. He heads for the door. Roger: Hey, Frasier, thanks a lot. Frasier: Right. Roger: It was really nice meeting everyone. He heads out. Frasier: [calling] Goodbye. Kenny: [whispering] Roger! Frasier: I know that. [SCENE_BREAK] End of Act 1 [SCENE_BREAK] Act 2 Scene 1 - KACL Fade in. Roz is at her desk, Frasier in the hallway behind her. Dennis: Hey! Crane man! Frasier: Dennis, Lisa. Hi. Patty, lookin' good. He chuckles as he comes in and closes the door. Frasier: Kill me. Roz: What are you talking about? You're Mr. Popularity. Frasier: Yes. And it's a living hell. I have spent the entire morning exchanging fake pleasantries with a bunch of people that I have absolutely nothing in common with. I miss being unapproachable. Roz: I thought you wanted to be loved by the common man. Frasier: Yes, but couldn't they have sent just one representative? He heads for his side of the booth. Roz follows, but stops to stare out the window at a janitor emptying a waste basket. Frasier: Roz? Roz: I'm sorry. Ever since Roger and I broke up, I can't look at trash the same way. Frasier: Do you want to talk about it? Roz: No, it's okay. It's just so weird. You go through life meeting people who are all the same, you know. And they just think you're the same, too. And then one day, you meet this guy, but he's not the same, because he actually sees that you're not the same. And he knows, because he's the same way. Frasier: Roz, sounds to me like you're in love. Roz: I can't be. I know this is shallow and I hate myself for it, but I can't be in love with a garbage man. Frasier: Well, then, you need to move on and realize that you've learned something about yourself. Roz: Great. I learned that I'm a snob. Frasier: No, no. Just that you have certain standards that it may be difficult for others to live up to. You know, Roz, it seems you and I are more alike than we thought. Roz: Okay, now I'm really miserable. Look at me, I'm a mess. Frasier: Well, tell you what, we've got a few minutes before the show starts, just go clean yourself up. Roz: Okay. Thanks. She heads out. Jason, Noel and another worker come in the other door. Jason: Hey, hey. Noel: Dr. Crane, what's goin' on? Frasier: Uh, my show, actually, in about two minutes. What can I do for you gentlemen? Jason: Sue invited us all over to watch the fight on pay per view. Frasier: Right. Well, as tempting as that sounds, I'm going to have to decline. Jason: Okay, we'll catch you next time. Frasier: Well, actually, you won't. Jason, Noel... you there. I've been living a lie. Let me tell you a little something about a few things I don't like: Boxing for one. Sporting events of any kind. Barbecues, office parties, buddy movies. Any dish made with marshmallows. Things that I DO like: the opera, the symphony, Elizabethan revenge dramas et cetera. So, if you're not inclined toward any of these interests, well, then, our association can be civil at best. Are we all clear on this concept? They turn away. Noel: I told you. The three leave the booth, muttering. Frasier sits at his desk with a self-satisfied look. FADE OUT. Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment Daphne is going through some boxes again and Martin is reading the paper. Niles comes in. Niles: Hey, what's going on? Daphne: I found another box of pictures from your childhood. Niles: Oh, no. Daphne: Oh, look at this one, you're adorable. Niles: Yes, it's all adorable. My retainer and the membership card to the young magician's club and that picture of me in my choo-choo jammies. Martin: Yeah, with your caboose hangin' out. Daphne: Adorable. Niles: Can we just give my childhood a rest for a while? I mean, how would you feel if I took your most humiliating moments and put them on display? Daphne: You know, I think I've got the perfect picture frame for this one. She heads off to her room, Niles sits on the couch. Martin: So she puts a few pictures out, what's the big deal? There's a whole part of your life she missed out on. Niles: I guess. Martin: Besides, I like seein' your old stuff. He pulls a piece of paper from the coffee table. Martin: Ah, no one around here draws pictures any more. What the hell is this supposed to be, anyway? Niles: [coming over to him] Oh! That is an Egyptian battle scene from �Aida.� That's Radames and that's the jealous Amneris... Oh, I misspelled "Amonasro." Oh, to be six again. Martin gets up and heads for the kitchen as Daphne returns carrying a box. Niles: Oh, what is that? Daphne: Some things from my childhood. You asked how I'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot, go ahead, take a look. Niles pulls a drawing from the box. Niles: Okay. Ooh, well, that's a wonderful drawing of a... uh... turtle. Daphne: No, that's me Dad crawling home from the pub. Niles: Well why did you sign it "Dappy"? Daphne: Oh, me Mum did that. My family called me "Dappy" because I couldn't say "Daphne." Niles: Really? Daphne: Yeah, I hated it. My brothers would sing "Dappy, Dappy, wet her nappy." Niles: Well, I think it's precious... Dappy. I'm gonna call you that from now on... Dappy. Daphne: No you won't. Niles: Well, how about I call you "Dappy" until you put my mementos back in the box. How does that sound, Dappy? Daphne: Well, that's not fair. Niles: Oh, Dad. [Martin comes back in with a beer.] You'll never guess what silly nickname Daphne was called as a child. Martin: [heading for his room] Was it worse than "Piles"? Niles gets a defeated look on his face as Daphne smiles. Daphne: Well, that can't bring up fond memories. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3 - Roz's Apartment Fade in. Roz is working with a cleaning lady, Alice is sitting on the couch reading "Make Room for Monkeys." There is the sound of a truck outside. Alice: Roger's here. She gets up and runs for the door. Alice: Let's go see him. Roz: I don't think so, sweety. Alice: Why? Roz: Well, it's hard to explain. Alice: Why? Roz: It's complicated. Alice: Why? Roz goes over, picks up Alice and sits on the couch with her. Roz: Mommy works in an office and Roger works in a truck. And people in offices and people in trucks... it's complicated. Alice: I like Roger. Roz: I know, honey. Alice: Do you like Roger? Roz: Yes, but... She realizes. Roz: Yeah. Alice: Okay... Roz: Okay. Sarah, can you look after Alice? I'll be right back. She sets Alice down and heads out the door. CUT TO: the outside of her apartment building. Roz: Roger! He's just climbing on his truck and turns to her. Roger: Hi. Roz: I'm so sorry that I've been such an idiot. I don't know what's wrong with me. All I know is that I miss you like crazy. Do you still have an opening for a Mole Queen? Roger: You sure? She climbs on the back of the truck and kisses him. The truck pulls down the alley to the next stop. Roger gets down to grab the cans, Roz helps him. FADE OUT. [SCENE_BREAK] Roz waves goodbye to Roger as the truck moves down the alley. It stops and Roger gets down to grab the garbage. Roz keeps waving when he gets back on the truck.

Frasier feels dejected one morning when he discovers a graffiti poem about him on the toilet wall at work, calling him a snob . He decides to host a party for the entire station in an attempt to get to know everyone better. He asks Roz to invite her new boyfriend, Roger, but she claims that she thinks Roger would be uncomfortable with the people at the party. When Frasier asks whether this has anything to do with Roger's occupation ( waste collector ), Roz tersely denies having any problem. She later changes her mind, but closely watches Roger at the party and cuts in quickly every time his profession is mentioned in conversation. When Roger overhears Roz saying to Kenny that not everyone has a job they are proud of, he promptly leaves. After the party, Frasier has made friends with everyone, but he rues this new popularity among people with whom he has nothing in common, and wants things to be back the way they were. Meanwhile Roz feels upset after the break-up with Roger and admits to still being in love with him, although she cannot get past the issue of his job.

fd_Justified_04x01

fd_Justified_04x01_0

Кога? After breakfast. The lights down so much you can do it yourself. I put `em up there. You have got to learn to mutter quieter, 'cause I heard that. That was the point! What the heck? Dear lord. Sherman? Call the police! What is that? Well, sure as sh1t it ain't Santa Claus. Phone's ringin´ Raylan. Thank you, Donny. Donny? It's from Lebowski Netflix it, you can be one of the cool kids. Givens. Deputy Givens, this is Sharon Evans. I do bail bonds in Knoxville. Okay. We met at a law enforcement expo in Miami a few years ago. Want another one? Not of that. Oh, I'm sorry, I remember you. We, uh, had a drink. Several. From my mini-bar. I believe I also remember you polishing off a $20 tin of macadamia nuts. Yes, the most overrated of the nuts. Is that why you're calling? You want me to pay my fair share? No, I like it better you owing me. But this isn't a personal call, Raylan. I saw you're with the eastern district of Kentucky now. I need a hand up there. You interested? Raylan: I haven't hung up. Jody Adair, 41, charged with double homicide, out on a quarter-million bail, skipped town two days ago. He's got an ex-wife in Lexington. You put eyes on him, I get Lexington P.D. To haul him in, and I'll make it worth your while. Raylan: Chuckles. Meaning? How about three grand? Raylan: Send me the address and a photograph. All right. [ Cellphones beep ] Raylan: You think you can manage the phones? I'm gonna go out for a bit. Rachel: Where you going? Raylan: Oh, I got a thing. Rachel: Don't get caught, dude. Anything I should know? Raylan: No. No. Just a major prison break, the countryside's been overrun with fugitives. I got it. [ Knock at the door ] You show up before dawn with a bag of hamburgers? They get the toys that way. Come on *** let me in. Heck no. Why not, you've let me in every other time I've come by. No. Raylan: Hey, Sharon. It's Raylan. Yeah, he's here. Listen... Hold up. You dropped something. Pick it up if you want. Asshole. Raylan: Huh? No, not you. Won't let me in? Oh yeah I think you gonna let me in. Raylan: [ Taps window ] You can have the burgers if you want. sh1t! Let's go, out. Mine's bigger than yours. Big enough to throw a bullet through this door, and you as well. Before I put one through your ear? You think this is the first time I've had a gun pointed at me? No. Could be your last though. I'm guessin' you know who I am. I can guess who you are, at least which team you play for. All this indicates you're not gonna shoot me. No. *** There you go. Sharon. How much I just bring him in? ♪ On this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul ♪ ♪ God get at your boy ♪ ♪ you try to bogart ♪ ♪ fall back, I go hard ♪ ♪ on this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪ Boyd: So, you really have been saved. By the Lord Almighty and the word of his forgiveness. Boyd: So, what happened? You sit down and start reading the good book? Or was there a human component involved in this soul saving? I got to be honest now, Boyd. A lot of times, the way you say things, I can't make hide nor hair. Boyd: Well, were you saved on your own or in a church, hiram? Church. Last Chance Holiness. Boyd: Well, that's new to me. I don't believe I've ever heard of that collection plate. It's new to Harlan. Well, right now it's just a tent in the woods. But preacher Billy... he's the real deal, Boyd... old-school. Been healing lots of the afflicted... Addicts. That's why your Oxy sales have dropped off a cliff, 'cause people getting off drugs, getting hooked on Jesus. Boyd: Well, Hiram, receiving the Lord into your heart is a wonderful thing. But I do have to ask... when did your salvation occur? Last week. Boyd: Well, then, there you go. What we have is a problem of arithmetics, 'cause you received a shipment of Oxy from us three weeks ago. Now, that gives you two solid weeks of selling before you saw the light. Now, by my count, Hiram, you got at least $10,000 of my money. I don't. I stopped selling before then. Boyd: Well, then give me my Oxy back. Can't. I flushed that poison down the shitter. Boyd: Poison? Why, you don't know your scripture. "He makes wine that gladdens the" "hearts of man"... psalms 104. And what are our goods but modern-day wine, albeit in a pill form? That's just you twisting the word of God for your own dark purposes. Where you going? Boyd: I'm getting away from the window. [ Screams ] Boyd: Now, hiram, saved or not, you don't have my money by the time tomorrow night rolls around, the next firecracker's gonna go off in here. [ Crickets chirping ] Hey! Shut that off before anyone sees the light. What are you doing? Might as well pull some wire while we're at it. Got to love these old places. $20 copper right here. What is that? Well, let's pull and find out. [ Siren wailing ] sh1t! What do we do? We run, you dumb sh1t. Hey! I got dogs here! They're gonna rip your face off! Trained them to do it! God damn it! [ Sighs ] [ Floorboards creaking ] Can't be local, or you'd have identified yourself as such. [SCENE_BREAK] Maybe you're federal. No bounty hunters allowed in the state of Kentucky. Raylan: If you're gonna keep talking, I'm gonna put you in the trunk. Can I ask you something? Raylan: What's that? It mean anything to you that I ain't never had no priors? Raylan: Nope. That ain't none of my business. I just came to see my kids. She wouldn't let me see them. Can you fathom that? Raylan: You got kids? Yeah. Raylan: Do you get visitation? Huh? Raylan: Visitation. Sure, just Sundays, and supervised, on account of I ain't have a place suitable for children. One of the reasons I moved on down to Knoxville. I ain't gonna see them. Why stick around? [ Cellphone rings ] Raylan: Hold on. Only reason I'm in this jackpot was trying to get money for my kids. Raylan: Okay, I need you to be quiet now. [ Cellphone beeps ] Hello? Hey, uh, Raylan. Yeah, look, it's Bob. Constable Bob sweeney down in Harlan, yeah. Look, uh, I'm at your daddy's house. Raylan: Well, is it on fire? Only reason I can imagine you calling before dawn. Oh, sh1t. I think my arm's falling asleep. Raylan: Stop talking. Uh, I'm headed up that way. Come on, I'm not gonna stop talking. Raylan: I can stop by there. Hey, look, you gonna have to turn me in unharmed, or you gonna catch some sh1t. Raylan: You don't need to do that. Okay, then. [ Tires screech ] Ow! sh1t! Ow! Raylan: See you there. You know what your problem is? You got no self-awareness. You think trying to do right by your children excuses everything, even killing men. They were heroin dealers. If they'd just give up their money, none of this would have happened. Raylan: Any problem, that's someone else's fault. You ever hear of the saying, "you run into an asshole in the" morning, you ran into an asshole. You run into assholes all day, you're the asshole"? [ Car beeps ] What? Raylan: This could be a little uncomfortable. Just be cool and go with it. I get out of these, I'll tear you to pieces small enough to flush. [ Rooster crows ] [ Knock on door ] Morning, sunshine. Look what I got for my girl. What is it? Well, open it and find out. You do that? With the paper? Watched a video on YouTube. Here. Wait, is it Oxy? No. Better. Not meth. I can't do any more of that. It's not meth. It's mellow. Oh, my God. Is this real? What? No, honey, there ain't no such thing as a million dollar bill. Are you sure? It's from a church. Got some religious screed on the other side. Some kids were handing them out by the stop 'n go. I thought it was funny, using it as I did. [ Laughs ] Now, I got another surprise for you, but you're gonna have to keep your eyes shut for that one. I can't wait. [ Both laugh ] [ Snorts ] Keep them closed. They're closed. All right, now... open! [ Growls ] [ Screaming ] [ Groans ] Look at that... they busted the hinges. Still broke the lock. Would have been cheaper to break a window. You should put a sign up... "You thinking of breaking in," please break a window. "Thank you. The management." Raylan: You just happened to be driving by, huh? No, I put a motion detector in. Sends me a text every time it goes off. Raylan: How much is that costing me? It's in your bill. I'm not hiding it. Raylan: Well, I ain't gonna cover that up with the smell of baking cookies. [ Chuckles ] I'll tell you what, though... Those wire-strippers are lucky. If I'd caught them, would have opened a Costco-sized can of whup-ass on them. Raylan: Mm-hmm. I guess I can fix the door. Can you hire someone to handle this? I can. You know, Raylan... Raylan: Hmm? I've been thinking. I'm gonna tell you something I haven't told a whole lot of people. Raylan: About that time you were in high school, living in Florida? How... how'd you know that? Raylan: Kid on the football team came at you at shop class. You took him out with a hammer. Ollie kemp. I tell you this before? Raylan: Once during senior year when we were down at the lake. Was I drunk? Raylan: I think we all were. Then again two months ago when I hired to watch this house. [ Clears throat ] What's that? Raylan: I have not a clue. Ollie kemp... that was the guy. Size of a portable toilet. He come at me, and I just went berserker red on him. Put him in a coma. He's still in it, as far as I know. Raylan: That's why your family moved to Evarts, if I'm not mistaken. Oh, what is that? Raylan: It's a driver's license. Waldo truth. Yeah, I know it's a joke. Raylan: What's that? Being a constable. You got to run for it. You only get $2,400 a year if you win, so nobody runs for it. Got to have your own car. Got to have your own everything. [ Scoffs ] I had to pay for these lights myself. Raylan: $2,400 enough to live on? Well, I get $50 apiece for serving papers. State police got to charge $80, so everyone comes to me. You know, let them keep thinking I'm a joke. That's what I say. [ Chuckles ] They underestimate me at their peril. Raylan: Just ask Ollie kemp. [ Scoffs ] If he could respond. Raylan: Hmm. Let me tell you something, Raylan. If sh1t gets serious, you give me a call, and I'll grab my go bag and be ready to jump. Raylan: Will do, Bob. You stay frosty. [ Car alarm chirps ] Raylan: All right. Here's the deal. I got to do one more thing. Stay quiet, I'll let you back up front. Ava: It was a costume. I know that now. See, Arnold's a furry. Usually he dresses up in, like, a bunny suit? But this one scared me. Plus I was on drugs, and it was a good costume. He gonna press charges? Ava: He's the judge/executive. What's he gonna do? Tell everyone he was shot in a whorehouse wearing a bear costume? [ Laughs ] Ava: What the hell were you you doing with a gun? Everybody's got a gun. Ava: Why do you have a gun at work? I been hit. Ava: One of these men beats you, you come to me, and I'll take care of it, you hear me? It's not just clients who hit. Ava: Oh, you still griping about that? Case you forget, I also saved your life. Yeah, I killed a man for you. I punched you once. You think that's something, you ain't never been beaten. Look, I know that, Ava. I ain't... I-I ain't forget. It's just sometimes I get real scared... Jittery and... When I'm low, I just... [ Sighs ] I just feel so low, Ava. Ava: That's why I told you to get off the meth. Yeah. Ava: No coke, either. You can't do the jittery stuff, Ellen may. The comedown off that's worse than anything. Yeah. Ava: What was it Arnold gave you? He wouldn't say. Just that it wasn't... It wasn't Oxy. Ava: [ Sighs ] Well, you know there's gonna be consequences. What kind? Ava: I don't know. I'll talk to Boyd, and we'll figure it out. What is this? It's what Arnold had his drugs in. It's not real. Ava: "Last chance holiness" "church." [ Sighs ] Whatever me and Boyd decide, you can't have a gun at work. I know that, Ava. I'm sorry. How's Arlo getting along? If you don't mind my asking. Raylan: He's in prison. I know. I was wondering about his mental state. Raylan: Well, like I said, Mike, he's in prison. Raylan, the last time he came in here, he stood over there by the paints for five minutes. Did not move, just staring. Unnerved the hell out of me. Raylan: Hmm. You know, you see your old man, you say, uh... oh, hell. I have absolutely no idea what you should say to him. Raylan: Well, that's okay, Mike. I don't plan on seeing him. That's a good plan. [ Screws clatter ] You know, I've been told I got a screw loose, but this is just crazy. [SCENE_BREAK] You want one? Raylan: Want one what? A screw. [ Chuckles ] Raylan: How old are you? Old enough. Raylan: I think I got everything I came for. Thank you. Mike, you need a cleanup on aisle whatever. Hey, hold up a sec. I need your opinion. How are these? See, I'm a late bloomer. I didn't get them till just last year. Raylan: Patience is a virtue. Miss, you can't go out this way. Well... [ laughs ] Raylan: Mike, where'd that little girl go? She just flashed me her titties then scooted out the back. Why? Raylan: My car's gone. Oh. Johnny: Well, maybe what hiram told you is true. Ava: Our drug business is being squeezed by some backwoods preacher? [ Chuckles ] I don't buy it. Johnny: Maybe it's because the fda, they went and changed the formula for Oxy... makes it harder to get high. Boyd: Our supply's from before the change. Johnny: And they went down and changed the laws in Florida. That hasn't helped much. Ava: You been watching CNN. Johnny: I tell you what I haven't been doing, and that's allowing one of my whores to shoot a customer. Boyd: I'll discuss Ava's failings when it's her turn in the barrel. Right now it's cousin Johnny's time. Now, all your talk of the fda and Florida laws didn't explain why my Oxy sales have dropped off in my voting district. And frankly, I'm nonplussed by your lack of motivation, Johnny, 'cause it ain't just my bottom line being affected. Johnny: All right. I'll check it out. [SCENE_BREAK] Ava: I got failings? Boyd: Well, clearly outweighed by your attributes. Ava: Mm. Boyd: How'd you handle Ellen may? Ava: As much as told her wait till daddy got home. Boyd: All right, well, we'll figure something out. Ava: Mm. Boyd: Confined to quarters, bread and water. [ Both laugh ] Who was the John? Ava: Arnold. Boyd: Well, he ain't gonna say nothing to nobody. Ava: Mnh-mnh. Boyd: [ Groans ] No one ever said running a criminal enterprise was gonna be this hard, huh? Ava: They left that part out on career day. Boyd: [ Sighs ] Ava: You want a dr pepper? Boyd: Well, is it 10:00, 2:00, or 4:00? Ava: It is 9:21. Boyd: Never too early for a dr pepper. Ava: All right. One dr pepper. [SCENE_BREAK] Thank y. Mm-hmm. Is Boyd in? Who? Boyd crowder. He in? Don't know anybody by that name. [ Pool balls clacking ] Johnny: Where you from, friend? Little town in Maryland. Bel air. It's the birthplace of John wilkes booth. Johnny: Well, what brings you to Harlan county? Boyd crowder. Johnny: Never heard of him. I knew this guy. He used to work with the military police, and he swore, if you ever ask someone a question like, "where are you" "hiding those drugs?" You just watch the eyes. More often than not, they'll point to the right direction. Yours, they stayed on the beam. But scooter over here... he just couldn't help himself. Johnny: I, uh... I think your time in this establishment has come to an end. [ Chuckles ] I hear you. [SCENE_BREAK] Johnny: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Ava: You need to leave now! Aah! Christ in heaven, you're a beautiful woman. Ava: Jimmy! Boyd! Boyd! Boyd: No! No! [ Laughs ] Ava, Johnny, Jim, let me introduce to you, all the way from desert storm, by way of the Iraq and Afghan wars, first sergeant... no. Got knocked down. Boyd: Sergeant Colton rhodes, military police. Now, how many times did you jail my ass in Kuwait? I say five. Am I low? Boyd, honestly, I lost count. [ Siren wails ] You call the police? Raylan: I called you. Wait, wait, you... you said "they" took your car? Raylan: Girl flashed me her titties. I assume it's not a coincidence. I know that scam. The female acts as a distraction. Her colleague steals the vehicle. It's happening a lot these days. Raylan: [ Sighs ] Pull on me. Raylan: Pull on you? Yeah, make like you're going for your gun. Pull on me. Raylan: Bob, I really do need to... Raylan, just pull on me, man. Raylan: [ Sighs ] [ Exhaling sharply ] Beef stew. Raylan: Wow. Yeah. And I can do it with both hands, too... Still deadly. I apply to the state police next year, they gonna take me. That bag back there? Raylan: That's your...? My go bag. Got everything in there in case I need to go. Raylan: Like toilet paper? God damn it, Raylan, not like toilet paper! I got a ak-47 with a folding stock, I got body armor I bought off a police auction, I got MREs, I got bottled water. If this sh1t goes road warrior, man, I'm ready. You're gonna come to me. Raylan: [ Chuckles ] All right, let's check out the scrapyard first. Raylan: Scrapyard? Why? These metal thieves these days, man, they sell the cars for scrap... crush them, send them off... Raylan: They crush them? Yeah, it's 500 bucks a car. Raylan: Let's go, Bob, right now. All right. [ Engine turns over ] You know, it wouldn't... Raylan: I got sh1t in the car I don't want to be crushed. All right, well, you know, I can use my lights. I mean, legally, they don't have any... Raylan: Use them. Lights going on! [ Tires squeal ] [ Siren wailing ] Hey! Crusher man! Crusher man! Stop that! Stop the thing! Crusher man! Can I help you? That better not be a late-model Lincoln town car you're crushing. Raylan: It's not. It's not? Raylan: That's mine right there. [ Car alarm chirps ] Can I help you? Oh. Where are they? Who? The punks who brought this in. I was running the crusher. I didn't see anyone. The car belong to you, you can take it. I don't mind. Raylan: It's not the car so much as what was inside the trunk I'm concerned about. I don't know anything about that. Are you really gonna play it that way? We all know you scrap stolen cars. What? Don't stonewall me, asshole. Everyone in the county knows. I know you? No, and it's not me you got to worry about, you sorry sack. That right over there is a genuine U.S. marshal. Raylan: Bob. You're a marshal? Raylan: Look, I ain't here on marshals' business. I just want to know about the man in the trunk. Or he can make it federal if you want to. Hell, he'll have a helicopter come down here and hover for an hour, freak your sh1t out, son. There ain't nothing federal about scrapping cars. If you are crushing stolen cars, you are destroying vin numbers, and that makes it federal. You had a guy in your trunk? I'm not required to ascer... Ohh! [ Chuckling ] That looks federal. Raylan: Where are they? Don't let him see you. You think you're up to killing him if it comes to it? You are? Yeah. You killed a man before? I killed two men. How's that? Oh, yeah? We killed 12 men just yesterday. [ Chuckles ] Week before last I killed two heroin dealers in Knoxville, Tennessee. Now, you get that angle grinder over there, cut my chain, I'll handle this. Why'd you kill them? Because I had to. We are running out of time here, children. What, are you a junkie? No. I spot junkies, follow them to their dealers, and rob them. Now, either aim that peashooter at that door and pull the trigger on whoever comes through, or cut my chain. What'll it be? How you spot junkies? I spot bicycle thieves, most bicycle thieves being heroin addicts. It's a fact. Try to avoid flesh. How you spot bicycle thieves? [ Tool grinding ] One day, me and my friend Kenneth, we saw a skinny guy go up to an expensive bike... Specialized, giant... got a bag across his chest like he's a messenger, no one giving him a second look. He pulls out a Makita angle grinder, just like the one in your boyfriend's hands there. 20 seconds later, he's through that lock and on his way. Now we just watch the good bikes. Wherever there are rich kids, there are good bikes, junkies looking to grab them, and we follow them. sh1t! That really heats up the steel. Now give me that gun. [ Door opens ] Raylan: Am I interrupting something? I was wondering when you'd walk in. Raylan: Well, you can stop wondering. I'm here now. Shoot him. Raylan: Jesus, girl, you just showed me your tits 45 minutes ago. Oh, he thinks he's funny. Don't listen to him. Shoot him. Raylan: Miss, I am a deputy U.S. marshal with a one-time offer... do as I say, you and your friend get a free pass for stealing my car. He's lying. Raylan: He's just saying that 'cause he's the one I'm after. I want you, son, up here, on your belly, hands in front. Miss, you're gonna hand me that gun, pistol grip first, right now. Let's go. I'm sorry, Raylan. You should see the sh1t in this bag. Raylan: God damn it, Bob. I asked you to do one thing... Watch him. What the hell happened? He asked me to pull on him. I punched him in the nose. He did it wrong! Raylan: Unh-unh-unh! Okay. I'm gonna make you a similar offer I made these two... Do as I say, and I'll let you skate on the vin numbers. Ain't as good as his offer. Raylan: What'd he offer? [SCENE_BREAK] Raylan: Jody, you got $10,000 stuck up your ass? Hey, we ain't stupid. It's hidden up in Lexington. Raylan: He's just... you know... All right. Doesn't matter. I'm gonna sweeten the deal. The three of you go free, plus I'll give you whatever I got in my wallet. There's got to be at least $500 in there. Henry, check his wallet. He could be lying about that $500. Give me your wallet. 12 bucks, piggly wiggly card. Ohh! Give me that gun, girl! [ Groans ] Unh-unh-unh-unh-unh! Careful, careful. You might hit her. Raylan: I suppose I should care, her age and all, but she did steal my car. Go ahead and shoot, then. Now, thank you for the ride. I appreciate your company. But I think I need some alone time. Goodbye, marshal. Aah! [ Groaning ] Raylan: Look out. Move away from that gun. Get up. Put your hands on the table, nice and slow... slow. You okay, Bob? [ Grunting ] All right, God damn it. Any chance we can take you up on that offer? Yeah, that's funny. Raylan: Yeah, tell me the truth. You weren't at Arlo's for the copper wire and you didn't want my car. It was just that bag. How come? Raylan: You sure you don't mind holding on to this stuff for me till we can really fix that door? It's just a bunch of photographs. I don't know why anyone would want to steal it, but you never know. Yeah, sure thing, Mr. Givens. [ Chuckles ] What are you, his personal assistant? I'm not the one handcuffed in the back of a car, asshole. Raylan: [ Sighs ] So, uh, listen, Bob. If it's cool with you, I'd just, uh... Let's just keep this between us, huh? Yeah, you think? Look, Raylan, I know why you called me. You couldn't call the cops, 'cause if they found the stolen car with a Tennessee bail jumper in the back, what are you gonna say? You're out of the marshals service, right? So you called up constable Bob. Raylan: Listen, Bob, I'm sorry. I just... I got a kid on the way. I was trying to make a little extra bank on the side, all right? You got a kid on the way? Raylan: Yeah. But, hey, you stepped up. I stepped up. Stepped up. I stabbed a teenage girl in the foot. Raylan: And because of that, I'm alive, and you're alive, and we live to see another day. [ Sighs ] [ Engine turns over ] Not a word. Not a problem. Raylan. [SCENE_BREAK] Boyd: So, how did you lose your rank? That was at Bagram, about six months ago. I got into a thing with an XO. From another company at a baseball game. He slides in high into second base during a charity game. Boyd: Ohh! Showing restraint, I kneed him in the nuts. I didn't think twice about it. It's a game. Things happen. And then I heard the asshole reported it. Boyd: Mm! That cost me the rank. But what got me my discharge was me walking into his billet and shooting him in the bicep. [ Both laugh ] I could have got leavenworth. But everyone knew what a prick he was, so they suggested my service was complete. The guy used to curl 80 pounds. Now I heard he can hardly lift a phone, so... [ Clicks tongue ] What can I do for you, Boyd? Boyd: I'm a criminal. I know that. Boyd: I got a problem. I need a little outside help, someone I can trust. I wanted to see how you might feel about crossing the line. That depends where the line is. Do you kill people? Boyd: People have been killed. I-I don't have a pen or a piece of paper, but what would you say are your greatest strengths and weaknesses, Colton rhodes? This is a job interview now? Boyd: It's a job. Tell you what, I got to go see a fella... Owes me some money. Why don't you come along? Dry run. Let's just see how it goes. [ Buzzer ] Arlo: You sell my home? Raylan: Not yet. Arlo: You set the asking price too high. Raylan: I lowered it to $170,000. Arlo: It hasn't sold. It's too high. Raylan: You want me to just give it away? Arlo: You want to get half of nothing? Raylan: Maybe I'm listing it wrong. "Two-story, three-bedroom" country fixer-upper. Holes in the wall. "Missing a door." Arlo: Mm-hmm. You're funny. Raylan: Don't give me any sh1t, Arlo. I brought you what you wanted. Arlo: What's that? Raylan: You don't know? Seems to me like you went to a lot of trouble to get it out of your house... hiring two wire-stripping teenagers to get it for you. Arlo: I did what now? Raylan: You honestly don't know what this is? Arlo: On your mother's grave. Raylan: It had something in the bag. Arlo: Can't read without my glasses. Raylan: Kentucky driver's license. Issued September 7, 1979. First name... Waldo. Last name... truth. Arlo: That's a strange last name. Raylan: Doesn't ring a bell? Arlo: No. I'd think, a boy on the way, you'd have more pressing concerns. Raylan: Don't know if it's a boy. Kind of hoping it was a girl, end the family line right here. Arlo: You think that'll do it? You think you get all your turmoil from me? Your mother was frances, not Saint frances. My advice? Just put that bag back in the wall and forget about it. Raylan: I didn't say it was in the wall. Arlo: Guard! Boyd: Where's my money, hiram? There's your money right there. Boyd: That's very funny. You wouldn't think a man with a stick of dynamite in his lap would go for funny. "Last chance holiness church." That's the place, huh? The place of my salvation. Boyd: Well, you tell me where my money is, hiram, and you can go on repenting all you want. I don't have it! I told you! Boyd: I don't believe you. Truth always sounds like lies to a sinner. Boyd: Huh. Let's go, colt. Where are you going? Boyd: Outside. I don't want to die. And I'd say you got about eight seconds left, so I'd make sure your conversion was in earnest. It's under the lawnmower! Oh, I'm ready, God! I'm ready! [ Whimpering ] Boyd: Open your eyes, hiram, for you have been saved twice. "I expect death to be" "nothingness." That ain't in the Bible. Boyd: No, it is not. It's a science-fiction writer... Isaac Asimov, God rest his soul, except he did not believe in God. Why'd you hold out so long? I wanted to give it to the church, make up for all the evil I'd done. Boyd: You really think this church is behind my falloff in Oxy? Oh, I know it is. Preacher Billy's saving 'em one sinner at a time. You should try it, Boyd. Boyd: I've already tried it. Well, then, long run, you'll be finished. Boyd: "Well, in the long run", "we'll all be dead." You know who said that? John maynard keynes. Now, for the record, this money doesn't exist. Ava asks, anyone does, it wasn't here. Are we clear? Yeah. Boyd: Take care of him. [ Gunshot ] Aah! Boyd: What in the hell did you do that for?! You said to take care of him. Boyd: I-I-I meant cut him loose! Oh. sh1t. Boyd: Well, I guess I'll have to be more careful with my words. [SCENE_BREAK] Raylan: [ Sighs ] Lindsey? Hey, hey, hey. Hey. Sorry, I... had barbecue for dinner, and I did not want to use that downstairs bathroom to floss. Raylan: Eh, it's okay. How'd it go? Raylan: Wasn't without its difficulty, but I got him there. To this super-hot bail bondswoman you were talking about? Raylan: I don't recall saying "super." I was just trying to be accurate. How much you get? Raylan: 10. Good for you. Raylan: [ Sighs ] I better get back downstairs. Raylan: Why? Well, if I don't get down there soon Ken'll get pissy. Saw how busy it is? I did. It's come and get f'ed up Friday. How do you define soon? Loosely. [ Rhythmic clapping ] Whoo! [ Cheering ] Praise the lord! Yeah! Glory to God! Praise Jesus! [SCENE_BREAK] Praise God! Praise be the lord! Oh, God almighty! Salamatha morolakamata! Save me, lord! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! [ Speaking gibberish ] Aah! Aah! Aah! [ Cries ] You will be saved by our lord! Hallelujah! We will all be saved by our lord! Praise the lord! Amen! Praise the lord! Now, I see a lot of new faces here today. To you newcomers, we here are signs followers. Now, that comes from the gospel of mark. "And these signs shall follow" "them that believe." Oh, hallelujah! But what you want to know... Is do I get bit? Well, am I right? Right. Yes, I do. Now, only twice so far... Hallelujah. By this one right here I call Mabel. Now, once, I took her out of her crate too rough... I deserved it. The other time, well, the lord only knows. Both times I survived the venom. It was the lord who saw fit to have me continue my ministry. Now, of course, not all survive. Our daddy and his before died from the serpent's bite, their place in heaven guaranteed, there being no greater sign of obedience to the lord than to be taken home in such a manner. So, that's why we're here. Why are you here, newcomers? You all come to watch the hillbilly with the snakes? Or did you come to be saved?! Savior! Hallelujah! Now, what about it? How about you? Yes, you. [ Cell door opens ] Arlo: I didn't ask for a book. That your son the marshal came to see you? Arlo: Why? Saw him bring in some bag. Arlo: You got your nose in everyone's business, don't you, trustee? [ Chuckles ] Where'd he find that bag? Arlo: I don't know, and I didn't ask. And why do you want to know? Because I heard about a bag like that once before. It could be worth some money, old man, we play our cards right. Arlo: These are our cards now? He showed you something else, looked like an identification. Arlo: You got an eagle eye. What was it? Arlo: Somebody's driver's license. Name? Arlo: Marlon Brando. I don't know. You tell anybody about this? Arlo: Why would I tell anyone? Well, don't. Like I said, it's worth some money. I'll make a call and find out how much. Arlo: Hold on. Give me a book while you're here. You don't read. Arlo: I can. Just don't choose to usually. What do you want? Arlo: Anything. I don't care. I forgot how slow the clock moves inside. You like spy stories? I been hearing a lot of good things about this Alan Furst fellow. Arlo: Fine. Aah! Aah! Why?! Why?! [ Thud ] [ Alarm buzzing ] Looks like a trustee down. Trustee down, open that door. Arlo: [ Sighs ]

The season opens on January 21, 1983, when a man wearing a defective parachute slams into a residential street. His body is surrounded by bags full of cocaine and an ID for a "Drew Thompson". Shifting to the present, Raylan Givens receives a phone call from a former acquaintance/romantic partner, Sharon Edmonds, who is now a bail bondswoman in Knoxville, TN. She enlists Raylan's help in finding a fugitive named Jody Adair, who is hiding out in Lexington and wanted by the Knoxville PD. Raylan finds Jody, and takes him into custody after a standoff in which Raylan subdues Jody by shooting the airbag in his Jeep, making it blow up in Jody's face. In Harlan, two teenage burglars invade Arlo Givens' old house and start breaking into a wall. They see the bag with an ID for a "Waldo Truth" in the wall, and are about to take it when they see a car with police lights approaching. They run out of the house without the bag. In the car is Constable Bob Sweeney, a local lawman who is tasked with keeping an eye on the old Givens house. Bob alerts Raylan, who shows up at the house with Jody in the trunk of his car. He and Bob find the bag, and Raylan stashes it in his trunk along with Jody. Raylan goes to a hardware store to inquire about Arlo's work on the house, and while there his car is stolen by the teenagers. Raylan, with Bob's help, tracks them to a scrapyard, where they were headed to dispose of the car. Bob provokes a scrapyard worker who gets the upper hand on him while Raylan is gone to check on the whereabouts of Jody and the teens. When both situations come to a head, and Jody puts a gun to one of the teens' head, Bob stabs the hostage in the foot and Raylan is able to get his gun and the bag back. After delivering Jody, Raylan visits his father Arlo in prison to ask Arlo about the bag in the wall. Raylan realizes the bag is a big deal after Arlo kills an inmate who saw the bag and heard Raylan asking about it.

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Ted (2030): Why do they fight? What is it hidden in us that drives us to settle disagreements with our fists? (In Lily's class, two boys fight) Whatever it is, this is from the beginning. Lily: Stop fighting! Boy 1: Why? Lily: It's stupid and childish. Boy 2: It has been six years. It is stupid and childish. Ted (2030): Children, I fought just once in my life. And that's how it happened. You know I have recently been abandoned at the altar. And the worst when it comes to us, apart from being abandoned at the altar, is what happens after. A steady stream, persistent and unbearable pity. At McClaren's, Wendy brings drinks to Marshall, Lily, Barney, Ted and Robin. Wendy: Cranberry Vodka, gin and tonic. Scotch and soda. Ted: Thank you. Can I see the menu? Wendy: Ted, I'll get you a menu... but I promise I will return. Ted: We'll have to go elsewhere. In this bar, I will always be the guy left at the altar. It sucks! Barney: Good times. Ted: We lost Barney. Robin: What? Lily: There's a girl there in a sweater wrap. He does not listen to a word they say. Hein, Barney? Barney: Leave me alone! Ted: He understood, there is little time, he could hold a conversation with just the titles of sitcoms "black" of the 70s and 80s. Barney: What's going on? Lily: Barney, you wanna go and get my stuff does not Marshall? Barney: Diff'rent Strokes. Man: What is this? Ted (2030): I spoke to Doug, children? Not? Well... Flashback In McClaren's... Ted (2030): Doug Martin was in McClaren's bartender. He was always in the corner. Barney: You... Been to Ted? Ted: It is not play "You know Ted." Barney (a pencil in his nose): I'm dead? (Doug misses and laughs) I'm dead? (It is disguised as a woman) Tonight... I am a lesbian. Ted (2030): There are three things to know about Doug. The first is that Doug is a bit violent. Doug:... collapsed, so he's down. And it hits him! He made this face, trembling. What we did is that we left it there. I ressers? Ted (2030): The second is that he was weird about her hair... Doug: What? Ted: What? Doug: You look at my hair? Ted: No, sir. Not at all. Doug: That's a dummy. It's funny? Want to laugh? It's funny?Why you do not tear out? Ted: What? Doug: Go ahead, tear it out of my head. Go ahead. Want to pull? Go. Go, go and pluck it out. You want to tear my head?Pluck my hairpiece my head. I love you, guys! Ted (2030): But the third is that he was very faithful with its regulars. Ted, Lily Marshall, Barney and Robin arrive at the bar. Doug: There they are! You want your table? All: We will be well by then. Doug: Yes? Yes? Ted (2030): Maybe a little too faithful. Doug: No, that's right, all right. (He goes to the usual table where Ted and his friends are) Lovebirds! Put it elsewhere, this table is reserved. Here we go! Now! Go! We move, my Father. Here we go. OK, guys, here! End flashback Ted (2030): So that's Doug. Doug: What is this? Ted: Some guys are sitting at our table. But you know, it's good. Doug: Let's go, I take care of that. Lily: Damn, there goes. Doug: Ladies, if you will join your table. Gentlemen, I need your help out. Ted: Our help? Doug: We're going down the aisle and fight with these guys. Barney: What's going on? GENERIC Ted: Sorry, you just said... Doug: These guys are off-handedness. So we go outside and they fit in, OK? It's gonna be fun! Doug part. Ted: He wants to be fought? As with our hands and stuff? Marshall: And your feet maybe? I do not know the rules. Ted: A fight. We gotta go? Barney: No, I would fight for three things, the closing of a stubborn bra, accusations of sexual harassment... 9 of 9! And wanted to vomit when I see someone wearing brown shoes with a black suit. Marshall: The fighting is for dummies. We are civilized people, civilized people not fight. Except with a lightsaber, but that's in for 3 or 5 years... Robin: That's not true. Marshall: I'm on the forums every day. In 3-5 Thanksgiving, I découperai turkey with my saber green. Robin: No, I say there are plenty of legitimate reasons to fight, it is perhaps not beautiful, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Ted: Yes, I forgot. She is sexy fights. Robin: No, it's true! I love it! I have a culture of hockey. If a guy is a fighter, it is rather sexy. And scars, seriously! If a guy has one, it has a Robin. And if he lost a tooth, I lose my panties. Barney: I lost my wisdom tooth. Without surgery. Local anesthesia. Frankly, it's nothing. Ted: We should go. Lily: I can not believe that we have this discussion. Ted, you're 30, you're too old to act like that. Ted (2030): I was 30. And of those 30 years, I was struck once. Flashback Ted is in a bar. Ted: There is an explanation very simp... A man gives him a punch. End flashback Ted (2030): There was this thing in colo. Flashback Ted is in the forest with children. Ted: Today we are going to braid friendship bracelets. A pat on the boy's private parts and they run off. Ted (2030): In college, I studied Kung-Fu. And some other stuff. For the goat, it would be a few months after. End flashback Ted (2030): The idea is that I had never beaten. Ted: I'm going. Lily: No! Marshall: Listen to me, trust me, I fought hard. There is no pride to be learned. Ted: With which you fought? Marshall: My brothers. Barney: Yeah, it was surely the ruckus in the playroom of Eriksen. Flashback Marshall horseplay with his two brothers. A brother: I love the squabbles between brothers! Marshall: That's the monster of guilis! Brother 2: Patrol Commies! Marshall: Wait! Go! Go! Cocoa break. End flashback Ted: Break cocoa. OK, it's time to fight. Lily: Ted, do not do that, you're a good guy. This is your greatest quality. Ted: Oh yeah? I seem to remember that this guy was well dumped by his girlfriend for a Taekwondo teacher. It might sound crazy, but... I need that. I think it's an experience I do. I go there. Ted part. Barney: Me too! (Followed by Barney) Guys... watch what face. The next time you see it, it will be distorted as the sexiest possible. Because that's what I am: a real man. I like to fight and do battle in the dirt. You find me a wooden hanger for that? Ted and Barney arrive in the driveway but Doug already has to KO the other guy. Barney: It's been what? Doug: I know, huh! Who do now eyeing more my hairpiece?Look what they did! Ted: "We"? Doug: Yes, "on". Come on, we made a great team. Well done guys! We did it! Ted: No, you did. There was nothing we. Doug: OK, yes, it is clear, I have beaten three types alone. You and you, free drinks for life. Doug enters the bar. Ted: He thinks he fought with him. Barney: We fought with him. So we will go and tell everyone the legendary story of how we beat types. And everyone will find it great and everyone goes back to bed with me. Ted: Come on man, no one will believe we fought, we look at. Barney: Oh, it's good... Barney gives a blow to itself. Ted: What are you doing? Barney: What I should have done there is a lease. Ted: What? Barney: I dunno, I typed the eye! I even know what I say! I have a great right, either. You ready? Ted: To go home? Barney: No, for that. Barney gives a blow to Ted. Ted: You hit me in the nose! Barney: Are you crying? Ted: Yes, I cry! You hit me in the nose! Barney: It's going to swell to death. You're going to look like Owen Wilson. Come on, we go. Ted: Ok, but we do not add too. I do not want it to catch proportions. Barney enters the bar, followed by Ted. Doug says the fight to include Ted and Barney. Doug: Can Ted arrives, takes off her shoe hit him in the mouth... A, they are! The guys who supported me! Everyone applauds. Always at the bar, but at their usual table... Marshall: So you fought. Seriously. Ted: No, Barney hit us head to pretend. Without in December ', Marshall! Robin: Just look at that eye. You look like a bad boy. I did not know you had it in me. You. That you had it in you. Barney: You... want to touch? It affects the eye of Barney. Robin: My God, it's hot! Doug: The pot of victory! Blackjack! Blackjack! Blackjack!Blackjack! $ 7 50. Marshall: Why should I pay? Doug: Because thou hast not supported. They supported me. Marshall: You know what, Doug? I will gladly pay. And why?As adults do. They pay their glasses, and they fight it. You know what I did when you were kids? That's what I did. Barney: Your nails? Marshall: I was... Ted: The quiz of love in the last Gala? Marshall: No. I was... Barney: your best to not cry when Big came to Carrie at the end of the film s*x and the City? Marshall: You spoiles? No. I'll tell you what I did... Robin: Tips to captain the football team because he gave you his ring and you were so cute in your evening gown? Lily: I'm sorry. Lily and Marshall are in their beds. Marshall: I hate them! They behave like guys the most virile of the universe, as Crocodile Dundee and David Hasselhoff. Lily: It's the guys the most virile of the universe? Marshall: I know why they are given all the attention. In fact, it's me, the real hero. Lily: Yeah, it's you. Marshall: I'm serious, woman. Put it in your pants. Lily: You're the man every boy should be and every girl should marry. You know what? I have two boys under way that will not stop fighting. If you come to school tomorrow to tell them your story of choice of the path of nonviolence, it could put them right. And avoid me getting up early to prepare lessons. Marshall: Okay. OK. I recadrerai. [SCENE_BREAK] Lily's class... Boy 1: wimp! Marshall: What? No! The panda and the koala Mahatma Luther King tell you that story to show... Boy 2: Show that you're a wimp? Boy 1: Why hast not beaten? You were afraid? Marshall: What? I was not afraid! I did a lot of fights, OK? Boy 2: You're great! You have to weigh almost 500 pounds. Marshall: First, I wear a sweater off, which has horizontal stripes. And I also... I ate salty... So I... You know what? Shut up! Boy 2: wimp! Wimp! The two boys fight while others cry. Barney and Ted are in the bar and talk with two women. Woman 1: So you've just beaten? Barney: Just? Ted: Amanda, was it that simple? You know, the fight in melee, it is more than using force against his opponent, huh B? Barney: Exactly! Ted: It is an art. The noble art, as it were. Woman 2: But I do not understand, what they did to deserve this? Barney: It may seem insignificant, but they got to our table. Ted: At our table. Barney: And... Ted: No one. Barney:... no one sits at our table. 2 men are sitting at the table. Amanda: You will beat them up? Robin arrives at that time. Barney: Let's beat them up. Ted, come on. You two. Our table.Go. Now! Ted: What are you doing? Barney: Relax, it was Doug. Doug supports us. Ted: He's not here tonight. Barney: I offer you what? A drink? Money? These two girls over there? Man 1: It's you, Ted Mosby. Ted: Yes. Male 2: And you're Barney Stinson? Barney: They know who you are. All right, guys. It lets you go without kick your ass. This time. Okay? Both men are given two envelopes. Ted: That's... What is it? Man 2: You are summoned. Man 1: You are charged with assault. Enjoy it. The two men leave the bar. Barney: That was close. Barney, Ted and Marshall are at the apartment and watch the invitations. Ted: Assault! They continue to attack us! Barney: What is the penalty for assault? I'll have a fine?Picking up garbage on the highway? Because I already did that. Marshall: I know. Ted (2030): In fact, he knew they risked a small community service, surely no criminal charges. But he was furious against us. Marshall: You could have a good time in prison. Barney: The Prison? Ted: I can not go to jail! I could read a bunch of books, writing short stories. Drag me all the time. Seriously, if I get lost really hefty... Barney: You can not go to jail! They are dying in the hallways!And meals are really heavy. Marshall: You should have thought before beating them. Ted: And if we have not done? Marshall: No what? Ted: beaten. And if Doug had beaten them all alone and we had done nothing? Marshall: I knew it! You have not even given a single shot. Barney: I hit Ted and me, so... Marshall: Who's the wimp now? Answer: you. Ted: You can spin us a hand? Marshall: You know the old saying: "If you can not assume, do not pretend to have done, do not laugh and refuses glasses blackjack and not defend your friend, who, coincidentally, lived full of fights with his brothers. " Barney: You gotta help us, Marshall. We're the Three Musketeers! If I let Ted I how long? Robin entered the apartment. Robin: Barney? I was looking for you. I have tickets for the hockey game tonight. It's stupid. Want to go? It can run late, we could go see a drink after. Marshall: Listen to this. You know, this fight? The guys were pretending. And he left the apartment. Robin: Oh, I forgot! Tonight, it is not possible. I can not go to hockey tonight, I have this... This... This... She goes into the room. Back at the bar... Marshall: Good news, I talked to the guys. Ted: What guy? Marshall: The ones you do not beaten. They will not go to trial.Lawyer. Barney: What? They dropped? Marshall: Yes, I just told them you were wimps. It has made us laugh. Poilade good, actually. I said that you did manicure every month. Barney: Weeks, Wolverine... Some are careful. Marshall: And you played the harp in the dance club of the pre-reform in college. Ted: You're at least they said we were one of the best medieval music group of the academy? Marshall: Sure. We were all agreed that it was a guy who had beaten and that you had nothing to do with it... Ted: Wait, so... they attack Doug. Marshall: Affirmative. Ted: The angry, irrational, violent Doug, who now knows, you pushed under a bus. Doug (on phone): They what? Marshall, Barney, Lily and Robin are in the driveway with Doug. Barney: We can tell you... Doug: Explain what? How you have me stabbed in the back just under my eyes? Lily: Robin, I'm afraid. Robin: Yeah, Doug sees someone? Lily: You visit? You really should. Ted: Look, you do not understand, you beat these guys all by yourself. Marshall: It's true. They have nothing to do with it. Look at them. Barney: It's Ted's fault! Barney runs off. Marshall: Look at him. Ted: Yes, look at me! Marshall: It would not 5 minutes in combat. Ted: I could hold at least 5... Marshall: It is as limp as spaghetti. Ted: Yes, spaghetti with meatballs... Mate it. Look! Marshall: No. Doug: OK, maybe it was... than me. In fact, it makes sense. I have many black holes. In short, I have always supported. I expected much from you. And you did what? Nothing. We can not count on you. No wonder your girlfriend has dumped you. Ted (2030): And here, children, the only fight I've ever had.What can I say? For starters, a punch to the face, it hurts...very badly. And what hurts more? Ca (Doug gives him a punch too) All I remember is waking up. Barney comes running. Barney: OK, I'm hot. Let's go. Ted: A fight was not a good idea, actually. And that's my story. Ted tells his story to the class of Lily. Lily: And what did you learn? Ted: I learned that it is not right to fight and must never do. Lily: Questions? Boy 1: Where you find them? Boy 2: I know! Was a big sale at the market for wimps? Children: wimp! Wimp! And both boys are still fighting. Ted (2030): I have not told them what had really happened. Flashback Barney comes running. Barney: OK, I'm hot. Let's go. What has happened? Marshall: Ca Ted: Damn! Marshall: Apparently, Uncle Marshall and his brothers did more than fight. Robin: Marshall looks like. He lost weight? Lily: S *****, do not even think about. End flashback Ted and his friends at the bar. Ted (2030): Children, I would tell you that fighting is malet need to do it, but it's useless. So I tell you this: do you ever fight with Uncle Marshall. It's a big tared. Thanksgiving day, 3 to 4 years later... Marshall is with his family at the table. Marshall: It's so good to be home. Mom, Lily, good job. "Good meat, good food, good Lord, to the food. "No? OK, let's go. Put your glasses. (Everyone dons glasses and takes out a sword Marshall Green) Okay, pass me the plate. Lily, white or red meat? Lily: Red! Honey, be careful.

Ted tries to prove to the gang that he's not a loser after being left at the altar. Meanwhile, Barney and Ted decide to pick a fight with the guys sitting in their favorite booth to impress Robin. Robin gets turned on by the fighting.

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[Salvatore's house] (Caroline is sitting on the couch. Damon gives her a glass of blood) Damon: Here Caroline: I'm still shaking (She drinks. Stefan arrives) Stefan: What happened? Damon: go ahead, tell him. You're gonna love this Caroline: I saw Katherine today Stefan: Where? Caroline: At the grill. I just stopped by to gawk and... 'cause I stuck Matt [Mystic Grill] (Caroline tells them the story. She's looking at Matt) Matt: Do you need a table? Caroline: No, I'm not staying. I just needed to use the little girls' room Damon: Skip the teen drama and get Caroline: Then I had to pretend to use the bathroom even though I didn't really have to go because I'm defies (Caroline is in the bathroom. She's washing her hands when Katherine arrives. She poses as Elena) Caroline: Elena? Katherine: Hey, I saw you with Matt, are you okay? Caroline: Yeah, you know... whatever (She rushes over Katherine. Katherine smiles) Katherine: You're good. What gave me away? Was it the hair? Or was it my clothe? Caroline: I know Elena is... I know Elena's at home Katherine: I need you to deliver a message Stefan: What was the message? Katherine: Tell Damon and Stefan that I want the moonstone or I will rip this town apart until it rains blood Damon: Tell him the rest of it Katherine: Tonight, at the masquerade ball [Salvatore's house] Stefan: She wants to do it in public. Killing Mason threw off her guard Damon: She's running scared. What she did to Jenna was desperate. She's out of tricks Stefan: We can't underestimate her. We have to play this smarter than her Caroline: Can we just give her the moonstone so she'll leave? Damon: No, Katherine's not getting dick. I'm gonna go to the masquerade ball and I'm gonna kill her, tonight Stefan: You're not gonna kill her Damon: Don't give me that goody goody crap Stefan: You're not gonna kill her Damon: Really? Stefan: Because I am [Gilbert's house] (Jenna is coming from the hospital. Jeremy, Matt and Elena are helping her) Matt: Easy. Grab the door Jer Jenna: Hey, stop fussing, I'm fine Elena: The doctors said that you have to take it easy Jeremy: Yeah, you don't want to rip your stiches, hemorrhage and die, alright? Jenna: yeah, the only thing I'm gonna die from is embarrassment Matt: No Jenna: I walked into a knife. How does somebody do that? Elena: It is a freak accident Jeremy: Yeah, it happens Matt: Yeah, I mean I've done it like 20 times at the grill (Jenna laughs) Matt: Okay, I'm being nice (They put her on the couch) Matt: What should I do with this? Elena: I got it (He gives her a bag with food. Matt stays with Jenna. Elena goes in the kitchen. Jeremy follows her) Jeremy: So what are we gonna do? Elena: Make lunch Jeremy: No, about Katherine Elena: We're not gonna do anything, Jeremy Jeremy: She tried to kill Jenna. We can't let her get away with that Elena: yes we can. If it keeps us safe then we can Jeremy: And what if she tries something else? Elena: She won't. Katherine hurt Jenna because I didn't do what she said. I'm not doing it now, me and Stefan are over. She wins, the end Jeremy: You are being naïve and you know it (He leaves) Elena: Where are you going? Jeremy: Out. I'll be back [Katherine's bedroom] (Katherine enters the bedroom. She's carrying a shopping bag. Mrs. Flowers is helping her) Mrs. Flowers: Where should I put these? Katherine: Right there. Thank you, Mrs. Flowers. You've been such a wonderful help Mrs. Flowers: Oh, it's my pleasure dear. Let me know if there anything else I can do Katherine: I will (She takes a dress from one of the bags. A woman is in the bedroom. Katherine rushes over her and pushes her against the wall) Lucy: Oh, Kat, chill Katherine: Do not snick up on a vampire Lucy: Don't attack a witch. It's good to see you girl (Katherine embraces her) Katherine: I'm glad you made up Lucy: You called, I came Katherine: Like you had a choice Lucy: Don't get all boss lady on me. You know I love you (She takes a mask from one of the bag) Lucy: Now, where does one where this? Katherine: To a masquerade ball. Tonight. You want to be my date? [Salvatore's house] (Caroline opens the door to Bonnie) Caroline: Hey, come on in Bonnie: I got Stefan's message Stefan: Hey, you brought the grimoire, thank you (She sees Damon and Alaric talking and she sees that there is a lot a weapon on the table) Bonnie: What's going on? (Jeremy arrives) Jeremy: We're gonna kill Katherine Stefan: I can explain Bonnie: Please Stefan: We're gonna kill Katherine (Alaric shows the weapon to everybody) Alaric: This works with compressed air. The trigger mechanism is up here. I have two of these in a different size. For you I recommend this. It feats nicely under the jacket sleeve. You use the trigger when you're ready (He fakes killing vampire. Damon and Stefan look at each other) Alaric: He wanted me to show him how to kill a vampire [Katherine's bedroom] (Katherine is smoothing down her hair) Lucy: What's with the hair? Katherine: I'm impersonating my dullest dishwater doppelganger Elena. She has the worst taste Lucy: Except in man. Isn't a risk pretending to be her in front of the entire town? Katherine: I've gotten quite good at it actually and everyone's gonna be in masks. It's for some fid, something charity. It's for a good cause Lucy Lucy: Hum, okay. Well, have you actually seen the moonstone before? I always thought it was some made up legend Katherine: I have seen it and I need you to help me get it back Lucy: Oh yeah? What are you gonna do with it? (Katherine looks uncomfortable) Lucy: you want me to break the curse Katherine: Let's just get it first. All i need from you is for a backup. I can't imagine that Damon and Stefan are just gonna hand it over without putting up a fight [Salvatore's house] (Bonnie is talking with Stefan) Bonnie: I know you love Elena and you want to be with her but it's risky. Too many people could get hurt Stefan: Look, I want Elena back, yes but it's more than that. What Katherine did to Jenna crossed the line. She has to be stopped before it happens again Bonnie: I don't know, Stefan Stefan: Look, Katherine knows me, right? She knows that I'm not gonna try something in a crowd full of innocent people so that gives me an edge. I could get to her by surprise Bonnie: I could do a spell to trap her, like the tomb spell Stefan: Right. We can isolate her, away from the others. Please Bonnie Bonnie: Okay [Gilbert's house] (Elena and Matt are talking. Matt is leaving) Elena: You're welcome to hang out. Alaric's coming over. It's gonna be pizza and bad TV Matt: I'd love to but I'm going to the masquerade party at the Lockwood's, aren't you? Elena: Uh, no... not with what's going on with me and Stefan Matt: I've got to go, there's something I got to do Elena: What? Matt: Just something, I can't talk about it but I've got to go Elena: Okay. Well, have fun Matt: Yeah. Me and a suit Elena: You look good in a suit Matt: You and Stefan are working it out Elena: I don't think so, Matt. There's so much about me and Stefan that'll never work Matt: You know I'm here for you always (She embraces him) [Salvatore's house] (Everyone is in the living room) Alaric: Are you sure you guys don't want me there tonight? Stefan: No, I need you to stay with Elena. I don't want her to know about this Alaric: Okay. Well, I'll make sure she doesn't leave my side Stefan: Alright, if anyone wants to back out, I'll understand Damon: Yeah. Cold feats speak now. I don't want this going wrong with someone chicken's out. Caroline? Caroline: I won't. Look, she killed me. Fair's fair. As long there's no werewolf running around Damon: Oh, I took care of Mason Jeremy: As long as Tyler doesn't kill anyone, he won't turn Stefan: Bonnie? Are you with this? (Long pause) Bonnie: But no one gets hurt Damon: Except Katherine. Tonight Katherine gets a stake through her heart [Lockwood Mansion] (It's the masquerade ball. Everyone is wearing masks. Tyler is in his father's office. Carol rejoins her) Carol: It's already packed out there. You know, we need to keep that door shot. Your father would be very unhappy if I let gests in here (Tyler gets up. He's wearing a suit) Carol: Oh, look at you! So handsome Tyler: Thanks. You look pretty good too mom Carol: Oh a compliment. I think I'll fall over Tyler: Listen, I'm sorry I've been a dick lately... a jerk lately. It's just... Have you heard from Mason? Carol: No and I don't think we're going to. He's coming, he's going, it's just his way. He's the exact opposite of your father Tyler: We should have cancel this party Carol: This all masquerade theme was his idea. I don't know what it has to do with helping the homeless but once he made up his mind, he could really be a dick, a jerk. But I loved him and I know you did too. It's natural to feel abandoned. I just don't want you to feel alone Tyler: Come on, put your mask on. Let's just go out there and pretend to have some fun Carol: I think I need a cocktail first (Katherine and Lucy arrive. They're going to different ways. Katherine takes a strawberry from a plate and falls into Matt) Matt: Elena? Katherine: Matt? You look dashing Matt: I thought you said you weren't coming Katherine: I couldn't miss it. You really are hot in a suit. I would love to just... Okay, here's the deal (She compels him) Katherine: Do you know what you have to do? Matt: I'm gonna get Tyler Lockwood really drunk. I'm going to start a fight with him and I'm gonna beat him until he snaps Katherine: and then? Matt: I won't stop until he kills me Katherine: God, you're hot. Now go away Matt: Thank you (He leaves) (Damon and Stefan are outside. They look around) Damon: Do you see her? Stefan: Nope. You're sure you can do this? Damon: Who are you talking to? Stefan: Oh, I had the chance to kill her and I hesitated Damon: Well that is the forkenate road between you and me my friend. I don't hesitate Stefan: You spent 145 years loving her, it could happen Damon: I won't hesitate Stefan: Okay (Matt and Tyler are in his father's office with Aimee and Sarah. The girls are dancing. The boys are drinking) Tyler: We're really not supposed to be here Matt: Yeah, I know but we really need to turn this party up. Another shot? Aimee: Hey, I want a shot Sarah: Me too and then we have to dance Aimee: Yes Tyler: You know, usually it's me corrupting you. I like this (They drink) Aimee: Okay, let's go party. Come on (Aimee puts her mask on. They leave the office) (Jeremy is carrying a bag. He and Bonnie are going upstairs. They enters into an empty room) Jeremy: I thought this room could work Bonnie: It's perfect (Jeremy takes a weapon from the bag. Bonnie seats down and takes the grimoire) Jeremy: Is that the spell book I read about in my family's old journal? Bonnie: it's my ancestor, Emily's. The spell I'm doing here is similar to the one that sealed the vampires into the tomb (She opens it. Jeremy puts the bag in the closet) Jeremy: Can you do all the stuff that's in there? Bonnie: I mean it takes practice. I've worked on some small spells. Spells that only do good. I don't want to know too much. I don't particularly enjoy any of this, in case you haven't noticed Jeremy: Yeah but you're 100% witch, that is so cool Bonnie: it's anything but cool. Did your family's journal tell you what happened to Emily? Or what about my gram's? It never ends well for people like me Jeremy: If you feel that way, why help? Bonnie: Because I don't want anyone else getting hurt and I don't know how to stay out of it [Gilbert's house] (Jenna is on the couch. Elena is with her) Jenna: I feel like an invalid Elena: That's because you are invalid. Where's Jeremy? Isn't he hungry? Jenna: He already left for the Lockwood party Elena: He went to that? Jenna: Yeah, I'm glad. He needs to have more fun. Lose some of that emo thing Elena: I'm gonna get some napkins (She goes into the kitchen and rejoins Alaric) Elena: what's going on? Alaric: What do you mean? Elena: I haven't heard from anyone all day. It's like everyone's been avoiding me and now Jeremy's supposedly at the party? He hates stuff like that Alaric: I don't know what to tell you, Elena (His phone rings. She tries to catch it but he catches it and puts it in his pocket) Elena: So then it'll be okay if I just head down, try to meet up with everyone Alaric: Wait, wait, wait Elena: What are you hiding, Rick? Alaric: Stefan asked me to keep an eye on you, just in case Katherine showed up while he was at the party Elena: So Stefan's at the party too? He would never go to the party for himself; he did that stuff for me Alaric: Just let this one go. Okay Elena? [Lockwood Mansion] (Bonnie and Jeremy are going back to the party) Bonnie: We need to let Stefan and Damon know the room's ready (Suddenly she stops) Bonnie: Do you feel that? Jeremy: What's the matter? Are you cold? Bonnie: No (She sees Lucy and goes toward her) Bonnie: Excuse me, do I know you? Lucy: No, I'm a plus one, I know no one but it's a great party though (She leaves. Bonnie rejoins Jeremy) Jeremy: Are you okay? Bonnie: I just got a weird vibe. Let's find Damon (Stefan is on the dance floor, alone. He sees Katherine going down the stairs) Katherine: Dance with me Stefan: No Katherine: Fine then tell me who I should kill. Him? Hum, she looks delicious (She eats a strawberry. Stefan offers her his arm. She follows him and they dance) Katherine: It's a beautiful night Stefan: Why all that charade? Katherine: How's Jenna? I certainly didn't expect her to survive that. Lucky girl. Clumsy. How does one stabs oneself? Stefan: Katherine? Katherine: Uh? Stefan: I don't want anyone to get hurt tonight Katherine: Okay. Then give me the moonstone and nobody will Stefan: Well, you see, I don't have the moonstone on me. So, you and I will have to go get it together Katherine: Hmm. I have a better plan. You go fetch it and I will try not to kill anyone in the meantime Stefan: My way or you don't get it (Aimee arrives) Aimee: Hey Stefan, I can't find Matt. Oh my god Elena! You look so pretty. I love that dress. You look gorge Katherine: Thank you. I love your necklace Aimee: Oh, thanks Katherine: Oh it's twisted. Let me, here we go (She goes behind Aimee and she broke her back) Katherine: Paralyzed from the waist down and dead (She kills her and throws Aimee's body in Stefan's arms) Katherine: The moonstone, Stefan. Tic-tac [Gilbert's house] Elena: Hey guys, I'm gonna go to bed. You're good over there? Jenna: Good night Elena: Good night (She takes her car's keys and leave) [Lockwood Mansion] (Stefan and Damon are in an empty room) Stefan: I put the body in the trunk for now Damon: We'll dump her when we get back Stefan: This is exactly why I didn't want it, Damon Damon: Stefan, it's a collateral damage Stefan: Right, which is why we need to cut it off Damon: What? Who's hesitating now? Hey! Don't do this to me! This woman ruined our lives, she destroyed us! Tonight it ends. We can do it together. I got your back. Alright? Stefan: Alright (Bonnie and Jeremy are waiting for the signal) Jeremy: So can you use like a hocus pocus to pass a test? Bonnie: I don't know that spell Jeremy: It'd be like the first one I'd learn or maybe like a spell s*x or something. I don't know. Do you want to dance or something while we're waiting? Bonnie: No! I mean no thank you (Jeremy receives a message from Damon telling him that it's his turn) (Katherine is walking. Lucy rejoins her) Lucy: You didn't tell me there was another witch here Katherine: Didn't i? Lucy: No, you didn't. No one is supposed to know I'm involved. This changes things, Katherine Katherine: This changes nothing. You're here because you owe your dear friend a favor. You wouldn't want to lose my friendship now, would you? (Jeremy arrives) Jeremy: Elena (He removes his mask and looks at Lucy) Jeremy: Hey sorry, could I talk to my sister? (She leaves) Katherine: What is it Jeremy? Jeremy: I have a message from Stefan (She looks surprised) Katherine: Oh? Jeremy: He and Damon want you to meet them at the edge of the lake by the woods. They brought the moonstone Katherine: And why are you their little messenger? Jeremy: Because they know I'm not afraid of you Katherine: Hmm, you Gilbert men, so courageous. How's John by the way? Were they able to sew his fingers back on? (She touches his tie, looks at him and leaves. Jeremy is texting to Damon but Elena catches his arm) Elena: What the hell is going on? (Caroline is inside. She sees Matt with Sarah and Tyler. He stops, looks at her and leaves with them. She receives a text from Jeremy telling her that it's her turn. She's walking in an empty part of the manor. She's going to open a door but Katherine arrives, catches Caroline's wrist and pushes her against the wall) Katherine: What are Stefan and Damon up to? Caroline: What do you mean? Katherine: I've got Jeremy Gilbert luring me into the lake. What's going on? Caroline: I don't know... nothing (She strangles her) Katherine: Don't lie to me, Caroline. They're up to something, what is it? Caroline: I... (She strangles her stronger) Caroline: Wait, no, no, no! Okay. They're trying to kill you Katherine: I wouldn't have guessed. Where is the moonstone? Caroline: Bonnie has it Katherine: and where is Bonnie right now? Caroline: I don't know (She strangles her again) Caroline: Okay. She's upstairs, she's upstairs! (She releases her) (Elena is with Jeremy and Bonnie) Elena: You guys are trying to kill her here? Jeremy: We saw an opportunity and we knew we had to take it Elena: Okay, stop with the "we", are you guys crazy? You're gonna get yourselves killed Bonnie: We know what we are doing, Elena Elena: And how am I supposed to feel if one of you guys gets hurt because of me? Jeremy: It's not just you anymore, Elena. She's messed with all of us, she has to be stopped (Katherine is dragging Caroline upstairs) Caroline: Why you keep dragging me into this? I don't want any part of it Katherine: Shut up! (They are in front of a door) Katherine: Which room is it? Caroline: It's that one (She goes into the room. Caroline stays outside) Katherine: Where is she? (Caroline laughs) Caroline: I did it. I really didn't think that I'll be able to fool you but I did it (Katherine rushes over but she can't leave the room. She's trapped) Katherine: What the...? Stefan? (He's in the room too. He has a stake in his hand) Stefan: Hello Katherine Caroline: Goodbye Katherine (She leaves) Katherine: You don't really think that you can kill me with that now, do you? Stefan: No but he can (Damon is coming out the closet, he has the compressed air weapon is his hands. He shots Katherine. The stake goes in her back. At the same time Elena screams. She's hurt like Katherine. Stefan rushes over Katherine and drive the stake through her arm. Elena screams, she's hurt too) Jeremy: What's going on? Bonnie: Jeremy, it's Katherine. She's linked to Katherine, get them to stop! Now! (He leaves. Stefan and Damon are fighting with Katherine. She tries to stake Damon but Stefan catches her by behind, fall in the floor with her and strangles her by behind. She can't move. Damon arrives and is about to kill her but Jeremy arrives) Jeremy: Stop! You're hurting Elena! Everything you're doing to her is hurting Elena (Damon stops. He's surprised. Katherine smiles and gets up) Katherine: You think you two are the only ones with a witch on your side? Wrong and something tells me that my witch is better than your witch (She takes the stake from Damon's hands. Damon and Stefan look at Jeremy) Stefan: Jeremy, go shake on Elena. Make sure she's okay. Go! (Jeremy leaves) Katherine: Let's all make sure poor Elena is okay. Just a little bit of pressure (She cuts her hand with the stake. Elena is hurt too. She screams. Stefan hits Katherine's hand and throws the stake on the floor) Elena: Bonnie, it hurts Bonnie: I can't break the spell, Elena. I'm sorry but I can try to take some of the pain away. Okay? (She takes Elena's hand into hers and makes a spell) Bonnie: Ascinda, mulaf, hinto, ascinda... (Katherine takes the stake and is about to drive it through her stomach) Katherine: This is really gonna hurt Damon: Wait! (She sits down on the couch) Katherine: Okay. So, how about that moonstone? (Bonnie is trying to take Elena's pain away. Jeremy arrives) Jeremy: Are you okay? Elena: Are they? Jeremy: They're stuck in there with her (He looks at Bonnie) Jeremy: You were right; Katherine had a witch that linked Elena to her Bonnie: The girl I saw, the one inside! Stay with her, keep pressure on her shoulder! Jeremy: Where are you going? Bonnie: There's another witch here, I'm gonna find her! (She leaves. Jeremy removes his magical ring and gives it to Elena) Elena: No Jeremy: Take it Elena: No, Jeremy... Jeremy: Elena listen to me: you need this more than I do Elena: No Jeremy. What I need is for you to be safe [SCENE_BREAK] (Katherine, Damon and Stefan are trapped in the room) Katherine: The three of us together just like old times. The brother who loved me too much and the one that didn't love me enough Damon: And the evil slut vampire who only loved herself Katherine: What happened to you Damon? You used to be so sweet and polite Damon: Oh that Damon died a long time ago Katherine: Good. He was a bore Stefan: Oh, why don't you two stop antagonizing each other Katherine: Where is the moonstone? Stefan: What do you want with it? Katherine: Does Elena enjoy having both of you warship at her alter? (Stefan looks at Damon and then looks at her) Stefan: That was really desperate, Katherine. Don't you think that we can see right through you? Katherine: So it doesn't bother you that Damon's in love with your girlfriend? Stefan: Oh, stop it Katherine: Or what? You'll hurt me? (She gets up) Katherine: Come on, Stefan. Everything that I feel, Elena feels , so go ahead (She looks at Damon) Katherine: Or better yet, kiss me Damon. She'll feel that too Stefan: You know, this all Mason thing has me a bit confused. Why a werewolf? The moonstone can break a curse that would help them destroy all vampires so what's in there for you? Damon: Sorry about your pet wolf, you should have been sure to keep him in a tighter leash Katherine: I'll have to remember that for next time. He's not the only wolf in town (Sarah, Tyler and Matt are in Tyler's father's office) Sarah: So what happened to Aimee? Matt: I don't know, she disappeared Tyler: She's probably drunk somewhere Matt: Or like me (He pours the alcohol on the floor) Tyler: Whoa, don't do that Matt: What man? It's a party (He takes the picture of Carol and Richard and looks at it) Matt: Right dad? You know, it's like your dad wants to drink (He pours alcohol on the picture) Tyler: Hey, it's not cool. What's wrong with you? Matt: Come on, the guy was a dick Sarah: Come on, you're being mean. His dad's dead Tyler: Give me the picture! (He tries to catch it but Matt don't let him) Matt: Remember how your dad used to slap you around? (He slaps Tyler) Tyler: Are you kidding? Matt: I'm just having fun Tyler: Put the picture down now man (Matt throws the picture on the floor, breaking it) Tyler: Okay, you need to calm your drunk ass right now! Matt: Do something about it! Tyler: I'm not gonna fight you (Matt rushes over him and throws him on the floor. Matt punches him on the face. Caroline is downstairs, she hears the fight. Tyler gets up and punches Matt. Caroline arrives) Caroline: What is going on? Stop! (She puts herself between them. She pushes throws Matt on the floor. Matt gets up and rushes over Tyler but she stops him) Matt: I can't! Let me go, I have to finish! Tyler: What the hell is going on with you? Matt: Let me go! (Caroline looks at him. Pushes him and punches him on the face with her elbow. He falls on the floor, unconscious. She goes toward him) Caroline: Matt? (Sarah takes a paper knife on the desk) Tyler: How did you? Sarah: Matt failed. If Matt fails, I can't Caroline: Tyler, look out! (Sarah drives the paper knife on his chest. He pushes her, her head hits the desk very hard. She falls in the floor, she's dead. He looks at his wound and rushes over Sarah) Tyler: No, no, no! Come on, wake up! Sarah, open your eyes, wake up! Just can't happen, oh no, it can't happen. This can't be happening! Sarah! Sarah, get up! Sarah! Open your eyes! This can't be happening! (Tyler catches his head and screams) Caroline: Tyler? Tyler?! Tyler, what's happening? (He's sitting on the floor) Tyler: Get away! Caroline: What's happening?! (He raises his head. His eyes are amber) (Damon, Katherine and Stefan are still in the room) Damon: Damn it! Where is that witch? Katherine: We could play charades Stefan: You bargained the moonstone Damon: What do you murmur about over there? Stefan: When you shopped a deal with George Lockwood, to help you fake your death, you told me that you gave George something he needed. It was the moonstone, wasn't it? Katherine: Good for you, Stefan. 2+2... And it would have worked except that people found out that I wasn't in the tomb (She looks at Damon) Katherine: Thanks to you by the way. Have I mentioned how inconvenient your little obsession with me have been? Damon: You and me both, honey Stefan: Why do you need it back? Katherine: I love you in a suit, so dashing Stefan: What were you doing with it in the first place? Damon: You're wasting your breath, Stefan Stefan: Unless it wasn't yours to begin with. In 1864 you faked your death. Who were you running from, Katherine? Katherine: In 1987 you were in Chicago, at a concert of all places with that wrench Lexi. Come on Stefan, don't look so surprise. Of course I checked on you over the years. You were standing in the front row, dancing all night. You were watching Bon Jovi and I was watching you Stefan: Who were you running from? (She tells him that she loves him with her lips) (Bonnie is looking for Lucy. She finally finds her but Lucy leaves. Bonnie goes in the living room to looking for Lucy) Lucy: You're looking for me? Bonnie: Who are you? Lucy: Lucy Bonnie: What are you doing here? Lucy: I should have known I'd run into a Bennett Bonnie: How do you know me? Lucy: You'll figure it out. Look, I have no interest in fighting you Bonnie: Then stop the spell you put on my friend Lucy: Give Katherine the moonstone and I will Bonnie: Why are you helping Katherine? Don't you know what she is? Lucy: Tell your friends to hand over the moonstone and all will be groovy Bonnie: You're not leaving this room until you stop the spell! Lucy: Look, I don't want to hurt you Bonnie: I don't want to hurt you Lucy: Look, I don't have a choice. The bitch saved my life and now I owe her. I have to pay up (Bonnie catches her wrist) Lucy: You have the moonstone. I cans sense it on you (She catches Bonnie's forearms. The room shakes, the light aspens) Lucy: Do you feel that? You can trust me. Give it to me, it's okay (Damon is pouring himself a glass of scotch) Katherine: We're missing the party. I'll have one of those Damon: Right away Miss Katherine (He gives her a glass) Katherine: Thank you (She drinks. He catches her and pushes her against the wall. He tries to stake her but Stefan stops him) Stefan: No, no! Damon, don't! Katherine: Yes, Damon, please Damon: The second the spell is lifted, I'm gonna drive a stake right through your heart Elena: God, you're hot. When did you get so hot? (Lucy arrives. She has the moonstone in her hand) Lucy: Katherine, the spell in this room has been broken, you're free to leave Katherine: Thank god Lucy: When I hand this over my dent to you is over Katherine: Done Lucy: I owe you nothing Katherine: I said done. Give it Damon: I wouldn't do that (She gives her the moonstone. When Katherine touches it, she can't breathe) Lucy: You should have told me another witch was involved. She's a Bennett witch, Katherine but I'm sure you knew that Stefan: Wait, Elena! Lucy: Elena's fine (Katherine falls on the floor) Lucy: The spell is broken. She'll heal quickly, Bonnie's with her (Katherine is suffocating) Lucy: I apologize for my involvement (She leaves. Katherine's unconscious) (Caroline explains to Carol what happened to Sarah) Caroline: Matt and I were fighting, we broke up you know, and Sarah was drunk and dancing and she just tripped. And then she wasn't breathing Carol: Okay, your mom's on her way and we called Sarah's parents. It was an accident. It was a terrible, tragic accident Tyler: Mom, the sheriff's here Carol: I'll go prepare her, just don't leave. Just stay here okay? She's going to want to hear the story from you (She leaves. Caroline is alone with Tyler) Caroline: Matt's in the car, sleeping it off. I'll deal with him; I don't want him involved in any of this Tyler: What are you doing? Caroline: I'm fixing a very bad situation Tyler: Why? I did this. I killed her Caroline: No, you didn't mean to and I think it's best for everyone... Tyler: But she's dead! You don't know what that means Caroline: Actually, Tyler, I think I do Tyler: No, you don't, Caroline Caroline: Has you wound healed? (He looks at his wound. It's healed) Tyler: How did you...? (Lucy is leaving. Bonnie runs after her) Bonnie: Please, wait Lucy: Hey, I'm sorry about that spell. Damn vampires, they put you in the middle of it every time Bonnie: How do I know you? When I gave you the stone, how did I know I could trust you? Lucy: That feeling you got, have you ever felt it before? Bonnie: I mean, around family. My grams Lucy: My mother is Johanna, first cousin twice remove from Pauline, niece of Sheila aka... Bonnie: Grams? We are related? (Lucy smiles) Lucy: Yeah, we kind of are. It's nice to meet you Bonnie. Seeing you tonight was a wakeup call for me. I got to stop letting vampires control me. So thank you for that (She leaves. Bonnie cries and run after her) Bonnie: Please, don't leave! I have so many questions. I don't want to be in the middle either. I hate it. How do I stay out of it? Lucy: Unlike me, you're one of the good ones, Bonnie. The middle of it is exactly where you need to be. You take care cuz'. Don't worry, you'll see me again (She leaves. Jeremy rejoins Bonnie) Jeremy: Hey, I was gonna head home, can I offer you a ride? Are you okay? Bonnie: When did you get your driver's license? Jeremy: I'm not a kid anymore, Bonnie Bonnie: I'd love a ride home (Stefan rejoins Elena. She's alone) Stefan: Elena Elena: I'm okay, I'm okay. Bonnie took away the pain and I think I'm healing Stefan: I know but I think you should definitely see a doctor anyway Elena: I will. I heard about Katherine, is it true? Is she really gone? Stefan: Yeah, I was so worried about you (He goes toward her but she pushes him away) Elena: Stefan... I... Stefan: Katherine being gone doesn't change anything for you, does it? Elena: I want to be with you, Stefan. You know that but first, I need to wake up and know that the people that I love are safe. I need to feel safe. Do you understand? Stefan: Yeah. Yeah, I understand (She looks at him and leaves) [The tomb] (Katherine wakes up. The moonstone is on the floor, next to her. She takes it. She gets up and tries to leave but she's trapped. Damon arrives) Damon: Hello Katherine Katherine: Where am i? Damon: Where you should have been all along. I thought you'd learn your lesson by now, messing with a Bennett witch Katherine: You should have killed me Damon: Death would have been too kind (He goes toward the door, to close it) Katherine: Ni, Damon, don't. Damon, don't. You need me, Elena's in danger. Damon: From whom? (She doesn't answer) Damon: You're lying, you're always lying Elena: Why do you think I haven't killed her? Because she's the doppelganger, she needs to be protected Damon: Then I'll protect her while you rot in hell (He closes the door) Katherine: Damon, don't! I'll do anything, please. Damon! You need me! You need me! (The door is closed; she cries and hit the door very hard) [Lockwood Mansion] (Elena is in the parking lot. She's at the phone with Jeremy) Elena: Yeah Jeremy, I've got my car. Tell Bonnie that whatever she did, I'm starting to feel better. Yeah, you can drive her home. I'm just gonna go straight to bet. Okay (She hangs up. A masked man comes behind her and kidnaps her)

Stefan, Damon, Bonnie, Jeremy, Alaric, and Caroline plan to kill Katherine at the Lockwoods' masquerade ball. Katherine is visited by Lucy, a witch who is to help her retrieve the moonstone. Under Katherine's compulsion, Matt fights Tyler. Caroline breaks up the fight, but Sarah, who is also compelled, stabs Tyler, and he accidentally breaks her neck. Tyler's eyes turn yellow, showing that the curse has been triggered. Stefan and Damon try to kill Katherine, but they stop when Jeremy tells them that every time they stake her, Elena is wounded. Katherine reveals that she had Lucy put a spell on Elena and herself, which linked them. Lucy, who is Bonnie's cousin, lifts the spell and incapacitates Katherine, who collapses. Damon traps Katherine in the underground tomb. As Elena heads home she is intercepted by a masked stranger.

fd_The_L_Word_02x12

fd_The_L_Word_02x12_0

EXT. - L.A. - WAREHOUSE BUILDING - DAY [The sound of slow breathing. The scene fades in with klezmer music. Jenny gets out of her car which is parked next to a warehouse by the freeway. Car traffic and police sirens are heard in the distance.] [Title card: Los Angeles, California, present day] [Jenny walks up to the warehouse. A sign on the building reads "Howling Coyote".] [Jenny goes in. The breathing sound in the background begins to speed up. Jenny walks through a corridor to a main area with a small stage. A woman sits at a table. A big man looking at a clipboard walks past.] Woman: Hey, Victor. She's here. [Victor looks at Jenny.] Victor: Yeah. So? (shrugs) Woman: Trust me. She's a very sick girl. [The breathing stops. Jenny smiles.] [Opening credits] INT. - SHANE AND JENNY'S HOUSE - JENNY'S ROOM - DAY [Jenny sings softly in Hebrew. She slowly flips through the pages of a sketchbook, wherein is drawn disturbing pictures of a naked young woman: urinating in a bowl, being shouted at by a young man wearing a clown t-shirt, and standing on a stage in front of a crowd of cheering, shouting men, lifting her skirt. The title of one of the drawings reads "Skokie, Illinois, 1989". The sound of men cheering and whistling loudly is heard in the background.] [The men in the crowd look vicious, like animals, as they shout at the young girl on stage. Jenny has drawn many of the men in the crowd with warped, bizarre faces, as they jeer and show their teeth at the girl on the stage. Some of the men stare hard; others have their mouths open, shouting.] [Cut to live-action footage of men crowded around a small stage, shouting and banging on the stage animalistically. The men are almost uncontrollable. The scene goes back and forth between live-action shots and the drawings.] [We see a drawing of a young Jenny, stripped down to her underwear, standing alone as hands reach for her. The sounds of cheering and shouting finally drift away. Jenny still sings softly.] INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY [Deliverymen are bringing in a hospital bed for Melvin. Kit sits nearby. Bette moves furniture around.] Bette: Just right in the middle of the living room. Kit: Not a good decorating choice. You're going to be sorry. Bette: I just had to get him out of the hospital. It was killing him. Kit: Cancer's killing him. Bette: (to deliverymen) That's great. Right there. Can you guys hook that up for me, please? Deliveryman: Really not our job, ma'am. Here are the instructions. [The deliveryman hands Bette a slip of paper before leaving. Bette reads it.] Kit: Do you have any idea what you're taking on? Are you prepared to watch our father die right here in your living room? Bette: He could go into remission, Kit. Don't put him in the ground quite yet. Kit: He's refusing treatment. Bette: His doctors give him four to six weeks. I give him as long as he wants to stay alive. Kit: And what about work? Bette: (sighs) Don't worry about work, Kit. I just... want to make sure that Daddy's set up. I'll figure something out. Kit: I don't think you know what you're in for. This is going to eat you alive. Bette: I didn't know that I would be taking it on all by myself. Kit: Then you should have talked to me. You should have included me in this huge decision you made about how our father's going to leave this earth. INT. - SHANE AND JENNY'S HOUSE - JENNY'S ROOM - DAY [Jenny still sits, looking at the sketchbook, still singing softly in Hebrew. Shane walks in with coffee and a muffin and sits down next to her.] Jenny: Thank you. That's nice. Shane: They're from Mark. Jenny: No, thank you. Shane: Look, he asked me to bring it. Jenny: I'm not going to let the b*st*rd redeem himself. Shane: Look, I doubt he thinks that coffee and a muffin's going to redeem him. [Jenny says nothing, continues looking at the sketchbook. Shane gets up and walks to the door.] Shane: Look, I hate to bring this up, but... we have rent - Jenny: No, no, no. I know. Shane: You know, Jen, I'd - I'd cover you if I could - Jenny: No. Shane: You know, Mark offered - [Jenny turns around to Shane.] Jenny: No. [She turns back to her sketchbook.] Jenny: I'll pay my own rent. Shane: Okay. [Shane leaves.] EXT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - DAY [Shelly, the nurse, walks to the front door.] EXT. - SHANE AND JENNY'S HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - DAY [Mark is busy scraping old paint off the house with a paint scraper.] INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY [Bette is taking down some of the more suggestive art she has in her house. Shelly knocks at the door.] Bette: Come in. Shelly: (entering) Hi. Bette: Oh, thank God you're here. Can you figure out how to hook that thing up? Shelly: Oh, yeah, sure. (pointing to her bags) Is there anywhere that I can... Bette: Oh, there's a spare bedroom around the corner, at the end of the hallway. Shelly: Okay. THE BABY'S ROOM - [Shelly walks into the spare bedroom and sees the glass mobile and a baby's crib. She sets down her bag and walks back out to the living room.] LIVING ROOM - [Bette is now putting up pictures that were in a box of her and Tina. She looks at a picture a moment, and then sets it on the nightstand. Shelly enters.] Shelly: I see you have a baby. Bette: No, not yet. Maybe. I mean, yes, in 10 days. My ex. My ex, she's due in 10 days. Shelly: You have a lot on your plate. [Bette begins dialing a number on her phone.] Bette: That's nothing new to me. Shelly: Have you thought about what's going to happen if your father's still alive when the baby's born? [Bette looks a little confused.] Bette: He will be. (phone) Hi, James, it's me. [Bette paces as she talks. Shelly prepares the IV by the bed.] Bette: (phone) Can you call my father's housekeeper and have her send out my father's family photographs? Just have her overnight them to me. Okay. Okay, great. Thanks. [Bette hangs up and sighs, and turns to Shelly.] Bette: I was looking at my father's medication chart. Why is he taking Prednisone? Isn't that some kind of steroid? Shelly: Yeah, it can help with mental clarity when there's inflammation or swelling around the brain. [Bette stares at Shelly, seemingly struck by the gravity of the words.] Shelly: Towards the end, it'll get very... confusing and frightening. And not just for the patient. [Bette looks sad.] INT. - THE PLANET - HELENA'S TABLE - DAY [Tina, Dana, and Alice walk in. They pass Helena and Leigh who are at a table together, staring into each other's eyes and holding hands. Helena sees Tina.] Helena: Tina! [They unclasp hands.] Helena: Dana, Alice. Do you know Leigh Ostin? [Leigh waves at the gang.] Dana: No, hi. Leigh: (re: Tina's belly) Oh, my God. You're so close. How are you feeling? Tina: Oh, hungry. [Everyone chuckles. Helena grins.] Leigh: Hey, is this Bette Porter's baby? Tina: Well, our baby. Leigh: Oh, I just met her recently. She is great. Helena: Didn't she ask you out? Leigh: (smiling uncomfortably) Yeah. [Helena smiles a bit vindictively at Tina. Tina gives a little laugh.] Tina: Uh, we're going to go sit down. Alice: Yeah. Helena: See you. Dana: Bye. Helena: Oh, but I'll see you here later tonight, yeah? Tina: Oh, um, maybe. I just feel like a hot bath and my own bed tonight. Helena: Well, we'll make it an early one. Tina: We'll see. (to Leigh) It was nice seeing you again. Leigh: You too. Helena: Bye. Leigh: Bye. Dana: Bye. [Helena watches after Tina as she goes to another part of the cafe and sits down; she looks somber, somewhat hurt.] AT TINA'S TABLE - Dana: Okay... [Everybody picks up a menu and starts looking at it.] Dana: So... so you're okay with that, huh? Tina: What? Dana: (nodding head toward Helena) That. [Tina looks over. She doesn't seem upset or anything.] Tina: Oh. Yeah, I'm okay with it. Dana: Oh. [Alice looks distant.] Alice: I wouldn't be okay with it. [Lara suddenly appears out of nowhere.] Lara: (to Dana) I was wondering when I would see you in here. You haven't come in for dinner. Dana: (shocked) Oh, my God! Lara: Can I have a hug? Dana: Yeah! [Dana gets up and they hug very happily.] Dana: (hugging) Hi, wow, look at you! [Alice stares at them, dumbstruck. She looks a tad put off.] Tina: Hi, why don't you sit down? [Dana and Lara sit down.] Lara: Yeah, okay, just until Kit gets here. We're planning a new lunch menu. Dana: (confused) You work here? Alice: Lunch! Wow! You're going to be here so much! And Gabby will probably be here, and - Lara: We're not together. [Silence. Alice nods absently, and then stares at her menu. Tina watches Alice. Lara redirects her attention back to Dana.] Lara: I am so proud of you. You came out, big time. Dana: (grinning) Yeah. Well, sorry I didn't do it any sooner. (chuckles) [The two of them grin and stare at each other like a couple of lovesick teenagers. Lara looks off into the distance. Alice looks completely crushed.] Lara: Oh, you know what? Kit's here. I should probably go, but... can we have dinner? [Alice cocks her head. Dana's seems a bit surprised. She carefully defers to Alice.] Dana: Yeah - I'd love to. Would that be okay with you, babe? [Alice's mouth is frozen open.] Lara: Oh. Oh, you guys are dat... Alice: Well... (smiles) Lara: (laughs) Oh, my God. I'm sorry. [Lara, smiling, now seems as surprised as everyone else. She looks at Dana.] Alice: Um... (fidgeting) Dana, you don't have to get permission from me to go out to dinner with your ex. You guys should be friends. (nods) Best, best friends. [Alice's smile is big and fake.] Lara: Okay, well. Alice: (smiling) Uh-huh! Lara: (to Dana) I'll, um... I'll talk to you after. Dana: Okay. Lara: Okay. It was good to see you guys. Alice: (super fake smile) Uh-huh, you too! Okay. Lara: Bye. [Lara gets up and walks off. Dana grins.] Dana: Wow. [Alice flips her menu over and blows out a breath, avoiding eye contact with Dana.] Alice: Whew, okay. INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY [Shelly walks from the kitchen into the living room, with a handful of pill bottles and a large days-of-the-week pill sorting box. Bette is in the living room, making her father's bed.] Shelly: So, I've organized his meds into times and dosages so you can keep to the schedule when I'm not here, and I'll show you how to clean and insert the I.V. catheter. [Shelly sets the pill bottles on the nightstand next to the bed. Also on the nightstand is a picture of Bette hugging Tina. Bette looks at the picture, and at the pill bottles. Footsteps are heard on the porch.] Shelly: Speak of the devil. Here he is. [Melvin is wheeled into the house on an ambulance gurney by two paramedics.] Shelly: Welcome home, Mr. Porter. [Bette is a little taken aback at the scene. She closes the door.] Bette: How are you feeling, Daddy? Melvin: Who is this woman? Bette: Uh, that's... Shelly. She was in the hospital with you yesterday. You remember? She's your nurse? [The paramedics move Melvin over to the hospice bed Bette's prepared. His IV and oxygen are in place. Melvin stares at the four people standing around his bed looking at him.] Melvin: Am I on display? [The paramedics leave with their gurney.] Melvin: (shouting) Can't a man have a bit of privacy? Shelly: (to Bette) I suggest hospital curtains. I can order them. [Shelly hangs up Melvin's IV.] Bette: Curtains are so ugly and depressing. Get some of those Japanese screens and make a room within a room. Hey, why don't you pick some of those up at Ikea? Shelly: Um, maybe you can get your assistant to do that. [Bette looks confused.] INT. - JENNY & SHANE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY [Mark is working on the sink. Jenny is putting things in her purse.] Mark: Seriously, Jenny, if you're short on rent this month, it's not a problem. Jenny: f*ck you. Mark: I don't expect that it would fix everything. Jenny: (calmly) Like you can buy me off with money and good deeds, like I'm some kind of a whore? Mark: That's not what I meant. [Jenny grabs her purse and leaves.] INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY [Franklin is sitting at the table, having a glass of tea. Bette is putting things away and organizing Melvin's pills on the countertop.] Bette: I was planning on coming in this afternoon, but he just seemed a little disoriented, so I just didn't feel comfortable. Franklin: You're doing the right thing, Bette. Bette: After this week, I should be able to get back to some... semblance of a normal schedule. Franklin: Listen, we - we don't want you to feel pressured, uh... You take however much time you need. Bette: (smiles at him) Thank you. I appreciate that. Franklin: We just, uh, need to put some... structure in place, uh... no, I - I'm sure the board would support a temporary leave of absence. [Bette stops and turns to Franklin, confused.] Bette: A leave of absence? What about the Allyn Barnes retrospective? Franklin: (smiling) Well, we have Leo. Things won't totally fall apart while you're gone. Bette: (agitated) I hired a nurse. I wasn't planning on taking a leave of absence. I'm sure that as soon as he trusts her - [Shelly comes in.] Shelly: I'm sorry to interrupt, but I need your help. Bette: (to Franklin) I'm sorry. Excuse me, just... [Bette follows Shelly into the living room.] Franklin: Sure. LIVING ROOM - [Shelly and Bette stand on opposite sides of the bed. They are going to turn Melvin over.] Shelly: So we have to do this every few hours. Just take his shoulder gently, under here, like that. [They start to move him. Melvin grumbles.] Bette: Is that okay? [Melvin groans as Bette pulls him onto his side and holds him there. Shelly puts a pillow at his back.] Shelly: Yeah. Use a pillow to prop him. [Franklin enters.] Franklin: Sorry, I - I have to go back to the office. Bette: Just one second... [They get Melvin situated and covered up. Bette walks over to talk to Franklin by the door.] Franklin: Your father's lucky to have you, Bette. Bette: Thanks. Franklin: Uh, just - let me know what you want to do. Bette: About what? Franklin: Uh, about the leave of absence. Bette: (sighs) Can I have until Monday to decide? Franklin: Of course. Take the weekend. [Franklin leaves. Bette closes the door and sighs.] EXT. - THE PLANET - NIGHT [Cars zoom past. A doorman stands in the doorway. People sit outside on the patio.] INT. - THE PLANET - HELENA & TINA'S TABLE - NIGHT [Helena and Tina, and Dana and Alice, are having dinner. A blonde woman sits on the other side of Helena. Helena hands a menu to the waitress.] Helena: (to waitress) Ask Lara to - (to Dana) it is Lara, isn't it? Your chef? Dana: Yeah. Helena: (to waitress) Ask Lara to bring us a selection of small tastes, whatever she thinks is most delicious. Alice: (to Dana) "Your chef"? That's nice. Blonde woman: Wow. This is my favorite way to eat. Helena: You should stick with me, then. [Helena is being openly flirtatious right in front of Tina. Tina looks very uncomfortable.] Dana: Alice, if you don't want me to go out with her, just - Alice: I said it was okay. [Helena is turned completely to the other woman, fully engaged, her back completely to Tina. Helena and the woman are flirting big time.] Blonde: I'm a surveillance photographer. I work for divorce lawyers, wives trying to find their husbands cheating on them, that kind of thing. Helena: That's brilliant. I should bring you with me to New York. You can spy on my ex. [Both laugh.] Tina: I'm going to go. Helena: (surprised) Why? We haven't even eaten. Tina: (smiling) I can't keep my eyes open. But please stay. I'll take a cab. Helena: You okay? Tina: Besides having to pee like a horse? Helena: You know what I mean. Tina: Helena, I'm tired. I just want to go home and be alone. Helena: Fine. Enjoy being alone. Tina: I will. I want to enjoy it while I can. [Tina stares daggers at Helena before getting up.] Tina: Bye, guys. Alice: Okay, I'll see you later. Dana: Bye. [Helena looks like she's having second thoughts. She stands.] Helena: Tina... [Helena embraces Tina, gives her a kiss on the cheek. In the hug, she gets close to her ear.] Helena: (whispering) You won't be alone, but you'll still get lonely. [The hug ends. Tina looks a little hurt and walks away. Helena smiles a bit smugly.] INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT [Bette and Kit sit next to their father's bed. Melvin sleeps quietly. His EKG machine beeps quietly in the background. Bette is reading a poem - "The Negro Speaks of Rivers" by Langston Hughes.] Bette: (reading) "I looked upon the Nile and raised the pyramids above it. I heard the singing of the Mississippi when Abe Lincoln went down to New Orleans, and I've seen its muddy bosom turn all golden in the sunset." (Bette sighs) (reading) "I've known rivers, ancient, dusky rivers. My soul has grown deep, like the rivers." [Bette puts the book down and gets up.] Bette: Daddy, it's time to turn you over. I'm just going to try to do this by myself, okay? Melvin: (weakly) Uh-huh... [Bette doesn't see that Tina has walked into the room. Bette starts to lift up her father's shoulder.] Bette: I'm just going to lift up... Tina: Let me help you. [Bette is surprised to see Tina. Tina goes to the other side of the bed and helps Bette roll her father over.] Bette: If you could just... take the pillow... Tina: Okay. Bette: And I'll hold his shoulder here. Tina: (putting pillow behind Melvin) Kit made you dinner. I promised her I'd make you sit down and eat it. [Melvin is finally situated. Bette rolls him back onto the pillow. Melvin grunts.] Bette: That's good. [Tina looks down at her would-be father-in-law. He stares back up at her. Bette watches.] Tina: Hello, Melvin. It's Tina. "Ms. Kennard." Melvin: I know who you are. Tina: Kit's at work. She'll be here as soon as she can. Melvin: Who? Bette: Katie, Daddy. She said she's going to be here soon. Melvin: (to Bette) How does she know Katie? [Tina isn't sure what to say.] Bette: (to Melvin) I'm going to go get you a glass of water. Okay? I'll be right back. Tina: (to Bette) I'll fix you dinner. KITCHEN - [Bette and Tina walk in. Bette gets a glass of water, and Tina prepares some of the food Kit made. Bette starts to walk back into the living room.] Tina: I'm sorry... if I was selfish the other night. Bette: It's okay. [Bette returns to the living room.] LATER - LIVING ROOM - [Melvin is sleeping. Tina sits next to Bette as Bette stares at her father.] Bette: I put him in the living room. I didn't want to put him in the baby's room, in case... [Bette gets teary-eyed. She leans back in the chair, and lays against Tina's shoulder. Tina has her arm around her. They watch Melvin sleep. Bette relaxes into her embrace and Tina pets her hair.] Bette: We've never done this before. Tina: I've never held you? Bette: In front of my father. Tina: He's asleep. [Melvin's eyes open. He looks at the two women.] Melvin: (very pleased) Now, that's what I like to see. (to Tina) Now, promise... you'll take good care of my girl. [Tina looks a little dazed, as Melvin has never addressed them openly about their relationship. Bette smiles up at Tina.] Tina: I promise. Melvin: (to Bette) And you... you take good care of your mother, too. You hear me? Maxine... don't run away again... [Bette seems let down and heartbroken at the same time. She leans forward and puts her face in her hands, crying.] Melvin: Stay... with our little girl. I know I let you down, Maxine. I was weak. (sobbing) I didn't mean to. [Bette goes to sit on the edge of his bed and comfort him.] Bette: Oh, Daddy. Melvin: But I need you... Bette: Daddy... Melvin: ... to stay... and look after my girl... Bette: Daddy... INT. - THE PLANET - NIGHT [Kit is serving patrons in the bar. Dana and Alice are in the corner, talking. Shane walks up.] Shane: Hey, Carmen called me. Is she really here? Alice: Who? [The lights go down and music starts. Cheering and applause ensues.] Shane: It's Peaches. C'mon, let's go! [A performer named Peaches sings a song. Shane and Carmen are in the crowd a few feet from each other. Every few seconds they glance at each other then glance away.] INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT [Melvin is sleeping. Bette sits on the edge of his bed, worrying.] Bette: I can't face it. I can't face it. [Tina smoothes Bette's hair back from her face. Bette sobs softly. Bette stands up. Tina hugs her as she cries.] MOMENTS LATER - [Tina leads a crying Bette back into the bedroom. Bette sits on the edge of the bed and starts to take her clothes off. Tina pets her hair and helps her get undressed. Bette looks up to her. Tina leans down and kisses her softly.] Bette: (sobbing) Can we just sleep? Tina: (smiling) Yes, please. [Bette lays down on the bed. Tina lays down with her and they sleep.] INT. - JENNY & SHANE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING [Jenny walks in and gets a box of cereal from the top of the fridge and a bowl from the sink. She ignores Mark, who's making coffee. Jenny sits and eats.] Mark: Want some coffee? [No reply. Mark shakes his head.] EXT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - BEDROOM WINDOW - MORNING [We see Bette and Tina still sleeping, through the window. Bette stirs and sits up, still looking exhausted.] INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MORNING [Bette tiptoes in. Melvin's EKG beeps. Kit is laying in the lounger next to her dad, asleep. She stirs awake when she hears Bette.] Bette: Hey. What time did you get here? Kit: A little after midnight. (stands) He had a rough night. He was awake, but he didn't talk. He was in so much pain. Bette: I feel like he's giving up. [Kit stands next to Bette. They look at their father.] Bette: Uh, Shelly's going to be here in an hour. She said she wants to give him a sponge bath this morning. Melvin: No, she will not. That's an indignity I am not prepared to endure. [Bette pours a glass of water.] Melvin: You can help me to the bathroom. I'm perfectly capable of bathing myself... which you don't seem to be able to do these days. I haven't seen you out of those clothes since I first arrived. Bette: Because I've been taking care of you, Daddy. Melvin: To the detriment of your work, and what's all this about taking a leave of absence? Bette: I'm considering it. Melvin: So you can mope around here and watch an old man die? I will not have it! Your work is too important for that. Bette: It's not more important than you. Melvin: I don't want either of you to compromise your careers on my behalf. Do you understand? Kit: Yeah. Melvin: (to Kit) And you. If you think Benjamin is going to leave his family for you - Kit: I don't, Daddy. Melvin: What do you mean, you don't? Kit: I wouldn't do that to another man's wife. Melvin: It's human nature to pursue one's happiness over someone else's misery. Kit: Not always, Daddy. After her mother stole you from my mother, you fell in love with someone else, didn't you, Daddy? Melvin: That doesn't matter. [Tina walks in.] Tina: Oh, um... I'm sorry. Melvin: Hello, Tina. [Everybody gawks at Melvin. This is the first time Melvin has ever addressed her directly as Tina.] Tina: (smiles) Hello, Melvin. [Bette casts a backwards glance at Tina.] Melvin: Where's my nurse? I'm ready to get out of this damn bed. Kit: Daddy... Bette: No, Daddy, just relax. Tina: It's good to see that you're feeling better. (to Bette) I have to go to work. [Bette and Tina hold hands as Bette walks her to the door. Melvin watches them closely. Bette and Tina kiss then Tina leaves. Melvin doesn't turn away.] IN THE HALLWAY - [Kit and Bette are supporting Melvin between them as they help him to the bathroom.] Kit: Just be careful. Bette: Alright. Alright. Okay. Kit: Not too fast. Bette: Okay. Kit: Alright, you're alright. Okay. [They arrive at the open bathroom door.] Melvin: Alright. Can a man have some privacy? Huh? Kit: Yeah, Daddy. [Melvin walks into the bathroom and slams the door in their faces.] Bette: Just leave him alone, I think he'll be fine. [They lean in to listen. The doorbell chimes. Bette goes to answer it.] LIVING ROOM - Shelly: Sorry I'm late. Traffic on the 405 - where's your father? Bette: He's doing well. He's in the bathroom. [There's a loud crash and thud down the hallway. Bette and Shelly race to the bathroom.] HALLWAY - [Kit opens the bathroom door.] Kit: Oh, Daddy! Are you okay, Daddy? [Melvin has fallen down in the bathroom. Kit kneels next to him.] Melvin: I - [Bette and Shelly race in. Shelly quickly kneels next to Melvin to keep him still. Melvin reaches up toward Bette.] Shelly: Don't move. Mr. Porter, don't move. Melvin: No, no. No hospitals. Shelly: Just try and stay as still as possible. Melvin: No, no hospital. No more hospitals. No. (to Bette) No more hospital! No! [Bette leaves the bathroom.] Shelly: (to Melvin) Okay, just try and relax. INT. - JENNY & SHANE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING [Jenny is sitting at the table eating. Mark is sitting on the countertop reading the paper. Shane drinks some coffee.] Shane: (to Jenny) Where were you last night? You missed Peaches. [Jenny shrugs. Suddenly, the kitchen door opens and Bette races in.] Bette: I need your help! [Bette races back out. All three follow her.] INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MORNING [Everyone is carrying Melvin back to his bed...] Kit: Going around the corner, guys. Daddy, are you okay? Bette: Just get his head. Do we have his head? Shelly: Yeah, we've got his head, and watch the ivy there. Kit: Okay. Alright. Alright. [... except Jenny, who watches from the sidelines.] Shelly: You're doing real good. INT. - ALICE'S APARTMENT - BATHROOM - DAY [Dana is in the bathroom wrapped in a towel, freshly showered. She sits on the edge of the tub, shaving her legs. Alice walks in.] Alice: Why are you shaving your legs? Dana: 'Cause there's hair on them? Alice: So? Is Lara going to feel them or something? [Dana narrows her eyes a little at Alice.] Alice: What, it's a legitimate question. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. - L.A. STREET - DAY [Shane and Mark are walking down the sidewalk. Shane is on her cell phone. Mark is reading the label on a can.] Shane: (phone) Hey. Yeah, we're just picking a few things up for Melvin. Yeah, well, listen, why don't you and Dana grab a bottle of wine and some flowers when we hit Bette's? Alright. Yeah, sounds good. Alright, see you then. Bye. (to Mark) Oh, poor Bette. Mark: "Poor Bette," man? Poor Melvin. (re: can) Look at this sh1t. It's liquid food. Shane: Cycle of life. You wind up eating baby food, and you're back in diapers. Mark: Mm. [Mark's cellphone rings. He stops and looks at the readout.] Shane: Who's that? Mark: No one. Shane: Who's that?? Mark: (smiling) No one. [Shane gives him a playful kick in the butt.] Mark: It's Lola. Shane: Lola? Who's Lola? Mark: Uh, she's that girl from last night. Shane: Wait, the one who was up on stage with Peaches? Mark: Yes. Shane: (laughing) Stiffing her on stage? Mark: (laughing) Shut up. She was drunk. Shane: sh1t, if she's drunk, do you think she'd text message me? Mark: Shut the f*ck up. Shane: I'll text message her. (laughs) INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY [Bette is on the phone.] Bette: (phone) I've already been transferred. [Alice and Dana enter, carrying flowers and beer.] Bette: (phone) One second. (to Alice/Dana) I'll be right there. (phone) Hello? (clears throat) Yeah, this is Bette Porter. I'm trying to hire an additional respite worker. [Alice and Dana set the stuff in the kitchen.] LATER - BACK PORCH - [Bette, Mark, Shane, Dana, and Alice are sitting around having beer.] Shane: Uh, my dad? Invisible. Mark: Bitter. Dana: (clears throat) (nodding) Dependably supportive. Mark: (holds up a finger, smiling) One word. Dana: Dependable. [Alice is quiet. She seems a little lost.] Alice: Distant. [She looks at Dana. Dana watches her. Alice looks away.] Mark: Bette, what about you? Bette: What about me, what? Shane: Describe your dad. One word. Bette: Dying. LATER - LIVING ROOM - [Blues plays in the background. Bette is giving Melvin water via an eye dropper.] Bette: There you go. Swallow. [Shane walks in, followed by the others.] Shane: Hey. Bette: I'm sorry, my father was thirsty. Shane: Maybe we should let you be. Bette: Yeah. Thanks, you guys. Shane: Bye. Call if you need anything. Bette: Okay. [Bette puts a few more drops of water into Melvin's mouth.] Bette: Open. There you go. Swallow. EXT. - RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY [Alice drives up the street and stops at the curb to let Dana out.] Alice: Alright. I'll see you at 10:00. Dana: Yep. 10:00 o'clock. Now, what is it? Alice: I don't know. A nightclub thing with Jenny. I don't know, but she said be there at 10:00, so don't be late. Dana: Okay, I'll be there. [Dana leans forward and gives Alice a kiss on the cheek. Alice looks nervous and worried.] Dana: Are you okay? Alice: Yes. Mm-hmm. Dana: Okay. I'll see you later. Alice: Alrighty. Dana: Okay. [Dana gets out. Alice watches her go, then looks down.] Alice: (quietly) Goddammit. INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY [Bette has a box full of Melvin's old photos. She looks at some of the pictures. Melvin watches her, but seems far away, unable to react.] Bette: Here are some of your things, Daddy. (looks at photo) There's me and mom. [The picture is of a beautiful woman with long, blonde hair holding Bette, who's about 2 in the picture. Bette shows the picture to Melvin.] Bette: I remember that little ball. [Bette sets the framed picture on the shelf by the bed and gets another out of the box.] Bette: I don't remember this one. Do you remember this? You and mom? [Bette shows the framed photo to Melvin. He looks, but doesn't answer. The photo is black and white, of a young Melvin and Maxine. Bette pulls out another photo.] Bette: Here's me and mom. [Maxine watches a 2-year old Bette playing with toys. Bette looks affectionately at the picture, and shows it to Melvin. Melvin smiles warmly.] Bette: I had a lot of hair as a kid. (chuckles) There's some of her watercolors in here. Oh, look. [Bette pulls out a seashell from the box and smiles.] Bette: Where's that from? Melvin: I... Bette: (smiling) Acapulco, right? (puts shell down) Let's see what else we have in here. [Bette carefully pulls out a beautiful watercolor in a matte frame. She looks at it. The scene is of window shutters surrounded by flowers in a sunny room. She holds it up for Melvin to see.] Bette: I think this one was your favorite, wasn't it? She knew her stuff, mom, didn't she? [Melvin looks warmly at the painting.] Melvin: (mumbling) Yeah... yeah... Bette: I'm going to put this right over here. [Bette sets the painting on the shelf by the bed. Melvin's eyes never leave it.] EXT. - LA - DAY [A shot of a palm tree swaying in the breeze, with a mountain in the background. Traffic and police sirens are heard in the distance.] INT. - RESTAURANT - DANA & LARA'S TABLE - NIGHT [Dana and Lara are sitting at a small table eating African/Middle Eastern food with their fingers.] Lara: I should've worn my latex jumpsuit. Dana: (laughs) I really miss our food adventures. Lara: You know, there's this Peruvian restaurant in Van Nuys I've been wanting to go to. Dana: Mm-hmm? [Lara looks at her expectantly.] Dana: I shouldn't. Lara: Training. Dana: No. Well, yeah, sort of. Lara: Alice. Dana: Lara... Lara: Dana... I'm just talking about a dinner. Dana: No, this is a dinner. What you're talking about... is a second dinner. [The camera slowly closes in on Dana's purse, sitting on the chair next to Dana. It buzzes with an incoming call, but Dana doesn't notice.] EXT. - RAUNCHY BAR - NIGHT [Alice is on her phone, pacing. Bikers and cars go by. Rock music is heard from the bar.] Alice: (phone) Hey, uh, hey, it's me, um... I just wanted to call and tell you to, uh, maybe get here at, like, a quarter to 10:00. Um... [Carmen passes by and waves.] Carmen: Al, hey! [Alice waves back. Carmen goes in to the bar.] Alice: (phone) um, 'cause it looks like it might be a little busy... crowded. Um, so, okay, yeah, call me when you get this. Okay? Bye. (hangs up) Goddammit. INT. - RAUNCHY BAR - NIGHT [The bar is packed, and it appears 99% of the patrons are burly biker-type men. The centerpiece of the bar is a stage where currently, a woman is stripping as heavy metal pounds out over the speakers. Men crowd around the stage and howl and cheer over the music as the woman reveals her breasts. Carmen tries to make her way in, toward the table where Shane is standing.] Carmen: Jesus Christ. Shane: Hey! Carmen: Hey! Nice place! Shane: Oh, yeah. Did Jenny invite you? Yeah, she did. Have you seen her? Shane: No. Carmen: This just doesn't feel right. I'm going to go look for her. God, why would she want to come to this place? [The woman strips and writhes as she dances. Some of the men pound the stage, grunting and shouting at her. Shane looks over and sees Carmen, not very far into the crowd. We can hear Carmen shouting angrily at someone. Shane leaves her table and walks over.] Carmen: (to some guy, angrily) What do you mean, "Cool your jets, honey"? Don't f*cking touch me! Get your f*cking hands off of me! Guy: Whoa, honey, honey, cool your jets. Carmen: What the f*ck is your problem, man? Why do you have to f*cking touch me, huh? Guy: Hey, hey, whoa, baby, whoa. Carmen: What?! Why do you have to f*cking put your hands on me? [Shane gets to Carmen just as a bouncer comes and separates the guy from Carmen. Shane walks Carmen away from the scene.] Carmen: Asshole! Shane: Are you all right? Carmen: Yes. [Another guy bumps into Carmen. She shoves at him a little.] Carmen: Goddammit! [Shane is grinning profusely. She leans close to Carmen's ear, shouting over the music.] Shane: Do you want to go out sometime? Carmen: What? Shane: (leans in again) Do you want to go out with me sometime? [Carmen stares at Shane, a little dumbstruck.] INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT [Melvin is sleeping. Bette and Kit sit close to his bedside. Bette is reading "The Negro Speaks of Rivers" to him again.] Bette: (reading) "And I've seen its muddy bosom turn all golden in the sunset. I have known rivers... ancient, dusky rivers" - Kit: What is that? Bette: It's Daddy's favorite poem. Kit: Oh. Bette: Didn't he ever read it to you? Kit: No... and thank God, because that's one dull-ass poem. Melvin: (groaning) Mama... ma... Bette: Oh, Daddy, shhhh. Melvin: Mama... mama... Bette: Shh, Daddy. Shh. Melvin: Ma... m... Bette: Daddy, it's okay. [Kit begins to sing softly - "Rusty Old Halo".] Kit: (singing) "Rusty old halo, skinny white clouds..." [Bette joins in.] Kit/Bette: (singing) "... second-hand wings full of patches. Rusty old halo, skinny white cloud, a robe so woolly it scratches. I know a man rich as a king, still he just won't give his neighbor a thing. His day will come, I'll make a bet, he'll get to heaven and here's what he'll get." [Kit begins to cry as she sings. Bette looks at her.] Kit/Bette: (singing) "Rusty old halo, skinny white cloud, a robe so woolly it scratches." Kit: (singing) (weakly) "A robe so woolly, it scratches..." [Bette puts her head on Kit's shoulder.] INT. - RAUNCHY BAR - NIGHT [The music and loud cheering continues. The stripper finishes her dance and leaves the stage. The male MC comes out.] MC: (mic) Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome a special new dancer. Give it up for Miss Yeshiva Girl! [The crowds cheer harder, beating on the stage and howling. More blaring heavy metal starts playing. We see Jenny sitting off stage, just behind the curtain, biding her time before going out there. She throws a high-heeled shoe out on the stage and the men go even wilder.] SHANE'S TABLE - [Shane leans up against the table, watching the stage. Dana is making her way towards her, jumping out of the way to avoid contact with anyone or anything.] Dana: Hey! Shane: Hey! Dana: I feel like I'm in hell. What is this place? Shane: It's Jenny. [The man that works the spotlight for the stage shines the spotlight on the curtain, waiting for Jenny. The men are starting to shout and boo, because so far Jenny hasn't materialized. Dana looks around the club.] Dana: Where's Alice? Shane: She went to look for you. INT. - ALICE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT [Alice opens the door. The bed is empty; Dana is nowhere to be found. She throws her purse down and flops on the bed and buries her face in the covers. She rolls onto her back and sighs.] Alice: Dana? INT. - RAUNCHY BAR - NIGHT [Klezmer music is playing. The crowd is starting to jeer. Jenny, still behind the curtain on the side, throws out a piece of clothing. The men shout and cheer wildly. Jenny finally steps out onto the stage nonchalantly. She's dressed in a black t-shirt and blue jeans. We start to see scenes of this audience that look exactly like the scenes from the beginning of the episode. The men howl and bang on the stage, cheering and whistling wildly. Some of the men are shouting various things at her to hurry up.] Men: (shouting) C'mon! Hurry it up! Take it off! [At first, Jenny looks a little uneasy, but then she slowly walks out to the middle of the stage, middle of the crowd of shouting men. Shane and Carmen watch from the back of the club.] Shane: What the f*ck is she doing? [The men are getting anxious. The cheering has turned into jeering. All the men are shouting at her to take her clothes off already. Jenny stares at the crowd, looking a little uneasy again. The sounds of the crowd slowly fade out, replaced by the sounds of Jenny softly singing in Hebrew. Jenny pulls her shirt off. The men start to cheer harder, but all we can hear is the klezmer and Jenny's singing. Jenny takes off her bra and throws it at the audience. The men cheer harder. After a couple of seconds, Jenny pushes her pants down to her ankles, now completely nude on the stage. She puts her arms in the air. The men go crazy, crazier than ever, screaming and cheering. Their sounds fade back in.] INT. - ALICE'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT [Dana walks in and finds Alice laying on the bed, crying.] Dana: Al? (worried) Alice, what happened? Alice: I was calling your phone, you weren't answering. Where were you? Dana: I was there, where were you? Alice: I... I... I thought I lost you. Dana: I'm right here. (quietly) I'm right here. EXT. - LA SKYLINE - MORNING [Another beautiful morning in L.A. The skyline is framed by the mountains in the distance. Smog hangs low over the city.] INT. - JENNY & SHANE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING [Mark is making pancakes. Jenny comes in and sits at the table.] Jenny: That smells good. Mark: Thanks. Jenny: May I have one? Mark: Of course. Jenny: Thank you. INT. - TINA'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - MORNING [Tina is still sleeping.] EXT. - LA - HOLLYWOOD HILLS - MORNING [Palm trees sway in the breeze.] INT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING [Bette is at the stove, pouring herself some hot water from a kettle. She's softly humming "Rusty Old Halo".] LIVING ROOM - [Melvin groans. He slowly turns his head to look at the photos of his family by the bed, then he is still.] KITCHEN - [Bette stops and looks up.] Bette: Daddy? [Bette walks slowly to the living room, fearful.] Bette: Daddy? [Bette jogs over to her father's bedside, calling out to her sister down the hall.] Bette: Kit! [Bette kneels by the bed and looks at her father.] Bette: Daddy? [Kit runs into the room.] Bette: Daddy? Daddy! Daddy?! [Kit kneels by the bed. Melvin doesn't respond to Bette's pleas. She puts her head on Melvin's chest and sobs. Bette rests her head on Melvin's chest, holding his hand, crying. We see a closeup of her face; her eyes are open and she looks shocked.] [Kit sobs.] [Fade to black] [Titlecard: Dedicated to the memory of Ossie Davis] - END -

Bette reaches out to Tina as she and Kit decide to take her father home to Bette's house from the hospital for his final days. Jenny struggles to compose herself after recalling a difficult memory from her childhood, prompting her to perform at a strip club. Alice becomes jealous when Lara Perkins, Dana's ex-girlfriend, meets Dana for dinner. Shane continues to reach out to Carmen. Mark continues making efforts to reconcile with Jenny and Shane.

fd_Roswell_02x07

fd_Roswell_02x07_0

"Wipe Out" 29th Episode of Roswell Production Code: 2ADA07 [SCENE_BREAK] (Episode begins with a tour bus heading towards Roswell) (At the Evans household, Diane Evans is trying out her cooking skills) Diane: It's a frijoles frittata. Martha Stewart serves it to her guests in the Hamptons. So. Um...Phillip! It's gonna get cold! Get in here! Max: Who needs a nice big glass of juice? Isabel: I'll get it. Max: I warned you about getting her a subscription to that magazine. How long are you gonna keep avoiding me? Isabel: I'm not avoiding you. We destroyed a race of people. I'm just trying to get past it. Juice? Max: You sure there's nothin' else? Isabel: I'm sure. Thanks. (The tour bus keeps heading closer to Roswell) (Kyle and Sheriff Valenti are fishing. Kyle appears to have caught a fish) Kyle: Dad. Dad. There. Sheriff: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Kyle: Ohhh... Sheriff: Ok. Take it easy. Take...whoa, whoa. Kyle: It's, like, gonna break this thing. Sheriff: Just bring it in closer. Kyle: Ok, I'm tryin'. I'm tryin'. But I need your help. It's like... Sheriff: All right, a little closer. Kyle: There we go. There we go. There we go. (Sheriff Valenti gets the fish off of the hook) Sheriff: Whoo-hoo! Oh, man! Heh heh heh hoo! Kyle: Ok, look out. Sheriff: Whoa! The bagley bang-o-lure does it every time. Here you go. Get a good grip. Kyle: Whoa! Sheriff: We'll be eatin' like kings tonight. Kyle: That's gorgeous. That's beautiful! Sheriff: Ho! Ha ha! (Kyle releases the fish back into the stream) Kyle: Go, buddy. (Sheriff Valenti is dumbfounded by what Kyle just did. He was looking forward to eating that fish) Kyle: It's the circle, dad. The circle of life. (Switch to Liz and Maria in Maria's Jetta) Liz: Would you step on it, please? My dad is gonna implode if we don't get this thing back by the lunch rush. Maria: It's your first day back in uniform. We have one break in an 8 hour shift, and the man sends us 30 miles out of town on an errand. Liz: Well, he let us stay on the clock. Maria: I'm sorry, Liz. I love your father dearly. I do. But this is totally Kathie Lee. (We see a billboard sign for the UFO center. It's been defaced, with a glowing green rod stuck through it. A green pulse from the rod is shot at Roswell) (Back in Evans household, Mrs. Evans asks Max about Liz while everyone tries out her cooking) Diane: Max, how's that cute Liz Parker, honey? She hasn't called here in awhile. Max: Could I please have some more fritatta? Diane: Oh, sure, honey! I'm so glad you like it! (Diane Evans goes to get another serving of fritatta for Max, when the plate that she was carrying drops to the floor. She's disappeared) Isabel: Mom? (Liz and Maria, who were outside of Roswell when the green pulse went off, arrive in town to find cars stopped in the middle of the road) Maria: Why are all these cars stopped? Liz: What's going on? Maria, w-what's going on--Maria! (Maria swerves into a baby stroller) Maria: Oh, God! I didn't see it! It was just...it was just there, and I was going too fast. (Liz and Maria check the stroller, but there isn't any baby in it. Liz looks around and notices a lawn mower going around in circles without a driver) Liz: What? What?! Oh, my gosh, look! Maria: What?! Liz: Where is everybody? (The bus arrives in Roswell. Tourists start stepping out, including Nicholas. It's apparent now that the bus is full of skins) Skin Tour Guide: Welcome to Roswell, New Mexico, folks...UFO capital of the world and last stop on our tour. Everyone, remember their sunscreen while you're out and about. Skin Tourist: Thank you. Nicholas: Let's find some aliens. (Opening credits) (We see Sheriff Valenti and Kyle driving back to Roswell. They stop at a billboard of the UFO Center that has been defaced) Sheriff (on radio): Deputy Hanson, we've got some property defacement up by the Chaparral Turnout. I need you to rustle up a ladder and, uh, take care of it. Sheriff: You could've told me you didn't want to go fishing. Kyle: No, I did. I wanted to fish. I just...it's just now I enjoy it from a different perspective. Sheriff: Different seems to be the story of your life these days. The guys don't come over to watch games anymore. You hang wind chimes in my backyard, burn compost sticks in the kitchen. Sheriff (on radio): Hanson! Kyle: It's called ylang-ylang, and it opens the mind. Sheriff: You know what? If you laid off the mumbo jumbo, you might get a date every once in awhile. Sheriff (on radio): Hanson! Kyle: Any other areas where'd you like to point out my incompetency, dad, or is the list complete at fishing and dating? Sheriff (on radio): Hanson, if I get back to the station and find you sipping a damn frappuccino... Sheriff: My one day off! (Sheriff gets in his car and starts driving into Roswell) (Meanwhile, at the Evans household, Isabel has searched upstairs and can't find either of her parents) Isabel: I can't find dad. Max? Max! Max! (Max opens the door and enters) Isabel: Where were you? Max: The neighbor's house is empty, too. Isabel: What's happening? Max: I don't know. (Isabel grabs the phone and calls someone) Isabel: Oh, come on. Come on. (No one answers. Isabel slams the phone) Isabel: No! Mom and dad are missing! They're gone. Oh, God. Are we the only ones left? (At Michael's apartment, Courtney has successfully changed into the new husk in the bath tub) Michael: You put the husk on? Courtney: The fit is ok. Michael: Feels like real skin. Courtney: For now. The husk wasn't fully mature, and I don't know how long it's gonna hold up. You saved my life...by stealing this. Michael: Well, you saved ours in Copper Summit. (The telephone rings) Michael: Here's a towel, and here's a robe. Michael (on phone): Yeah? Max: It's me. Meet us at the Crashdown right away. (Scene shifts to the streets of Roswell. Maria and Liz are investigating) Maria: Look. Look, look. It's still warm. Maria/Liz: Ahh! Maria: Ok, let's just go back to the car, ok? Liz: Ok! Maria: Ok. (Liz and Maria head back to the car. Liz finds a piece of skin on the ground) Liz: Wait! This is not good. (At the Crashdown, Max, Michael, Isabel, and Courtney are searching around) Max: No one's back there, either. Isabel: Everyone's gone. Michael: Every human. Whoever's doing this is trying to single us out. (Liz and Maria arrive at the Crashdown) Courtney: Well, there goes that theory. Maria: Michael! Liz: Max, what...what happened? We...we just got back from Dexter. Max: Our parents disappeared. It seems like the whole town is gone. All the humans, at least. Liz: Well, why not us? Isabel: I'm sorry. Liz: What is going on here? Everyone's gone? They're gone, like dead? Max: We don't know that. (Maria calls Alex) Maria: Pick up the phone, Alex. Max: All we can do right now is focus on the fact that we have each other. (Maria finds a CD on the counter) Maria: Alex's band just burned a new CD, and he couldn't wait to show me. Isabel: First thing we need to do is figure out who did this. Liz: We know who did this. The skins. Maria: Yeah. We found one of those snake skin things off of Elm street. Courtney: Nicholas. Isabel: This is our fault. Tess: No. It's her's. You led the skins straight to Roswell, Courtney! Michael: She's with us, Tess. Tess: What did your people do to the town? Courtney: They're not my people. Max: Stop pointing fingers. We're the ones who destroyed their harvest. They're here to settle the score with all of us. (Isabel has been looking out the window. He sees people approaching) Isabel: Into the bathroom. They're coming. Now. (Nicholas and Ida enter) Isabel: There's two of them...Nicholas and Ida. Hide us. Nicholas: Check in the back. (Nicholas walks to where the bathroom door was) Maria: Oh, please don't let me die like elvis. (Nicholas walks over to the wall and taps on the mirror that Tess has created in his mind to replace the bathroom door) Nicholas: Mom?! Ida: Don't pick. There's nobody back there or upstairs, sir. Nicholas: Look in the mirror. You're shedding. Ida: Ohh...it's the heat. Why couldn't those brats be from Seattle? Nicholas: Let's get you back to the moisture chamber. This haphazard searching is going nowhere. Ida: What's plan "B"? Nicholas: We'll search the town...street by street, building by building, inch by inch. I'm not stopping til we find them. (Nicholas and Ida leave. Everyone comes out of the bathroom. Tess weakly stumbles to the counter) Tess: I've never come up against power like that before. It feels like...someone took a sledgehammer to my head. (Liz leaves through the door to the kitchen. Max notices her and follows) Max: I'll be right back. (Max finds Liz in her room) Liz: My mom always listened to Elvis Costello on laundry day. I am so scared. Max: What happened to your family...to all the humans...it's our fault. Liz: We haven't lost them yet. We have to stay strong. Max: Yeah. (Max sees Liz's bed and the images from the other night return) Max: I should get back down. Isabel: Max! (Max and Liz rush downstairs. Courtney is on the floor. Her skin is very wrinkled) Isabel: She just collapsed. Michael: Max, you gotta help her. Max: Let's get her upstairs. (Everyone helps Courtney to the bathroom) Maria: Um...ok, maybe we should take her clothes off? Liz: Got her? (Isabel shuts the door on the guys) Liz: Ok. Isabel: What now? Liz: Um...you know, from what...from what she said, the husk is starving. It's looking at her thighs like they're 2 canned hams. Courtney: I heard that, you bitch. (Liz and Tess help Courtney into the tub) Liz: Uhh! Isabel: Well...what if we tempt it with food from...from outside the membrane...sort of like an all-you-can-eat buffet or something? Liz: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's worth a try. We need, like, some vitamins and minerals and...and nutrients. Maria: Ok. We've got ginko, bee pollen, echinacea, C, D, E, calcium, St. John's wort, and Pamprin. What? I was dating Michael Guerin. (Outside, Michael and Max are scouting with Liz's telescope) Max: Main street looks clear. I just wish I knew where they were hiding. Michael: You think she'll be ok? Max: I don't know. You and Courtney have gotten close. Michael: Yeah. Max: How's Maria feel about that? Michael: Why do you care? You've never been interested in my social circles before. Max: You were never sleeping with the enemy before. Michael: And I'm not now. Max: Then why was she at your apartment this morning? Michael: 'Cause she wanted to show me how the husk fit. That's it. Max: Good. Michael: Let me take a look. (Back in Liz's bathroom, Courtney seems to have recovered from the nutrient bath) Tess: Pretty quick recovery, don't you think? This "I've fallen and can't get up" routine seems a little too convenient. I think it's time for a Q&A. What exactly did the skins do? Courtney: I don't know. (Tess pulls the drain plug and the nutrient bath starts to go down the drain) Courtney: No. Isabel: What happened to our families? Courtney: Time exists in multiple subset dimensions on our planet. Nicholas must have a technology to impose one or more of these here. Isabel: Speak English. Courtney: It's like being on Pacific and Eastern and Central and Mountain time all at once. Human bodies can't function. They simply disappear. Liz: To where? Where are our parents, our friends...Alex? Where is everyone? Are they dead? Wha... Maria: Water's getting low. Courtney: Somewhere! Another dimension, another plane of existence! I don't know where! They seem to have just...shifted. Maria: Well, can we get 'em back? Courtney: I don't know. Please. (Tess replaces the drain plug) Isabel: Why haven't Liz and Maria disappeared? Courtney: I don't...I don't know. Maria: We were out of town this morning. Thank God. Courtney: It probably bought you some time. Maria: Ok. So, what did she mean by "buy us some time"? Liz: Don't worry about it. She said we slipped through a window. We'll be fine. (A skin sees them and goes after Liz and Maria) Liz: Oh. Maria: Run! Liz: Come on! Go! Go! Go! (Maria climbs through the counter window. Liz tries to follow but the skin grabs her feet) Maria: Go, go, go, go, go, go! Liz: Maria! (Maria pulls on Liz's hands, while the skin pulls on her feet) Maria: Go! Go! Go! Liz: Maria! Aah! (Sheriff Valenti appears and shoots the skin in the back) Skin: Unhh! Liz: Oh. Careful, Sheriff! He's a skin! Skin: Yaahh! (The skin knocks the Sheriff to the ground and makes a quick escape) Liz: Oh, my...oh... Kyle: Dad! Dad, you ok? You ok? You all right? Sheriff: Ohh! (A few moments later, in the Crashdown) Max: If guns don't work, how do we kill them? Courtney: Take the heaviest thing that you can find...and smash this as hard as you can. It breaks the seal in the husk...permanently. Isabel: What about Nicholas? What can he do? Courtney: All the things you can...times a thousand. But the thing you should be the most afraid of...is this. (Courtney points to her head) Courtney: He can get inside of your head and take anything that he wants. Basically, he rapes you of your memories and your thoughts. Sheriff: We've gotta get everybody to a safer location. Max: The UFO center. It's a former bomb shelter. There are no windows and fewer ways in and out. After we get everyone situated, you, me, Michael, Isabel, and Tess will start picking them off one by one. Kyle: What about me? Max: You're not someone I trust. Let's move. (Everyone is in an alley across from the UFO Center) Max: There's not much cover, so we should split up into groups. Sheriff: Good idea. Max: You ok? Sheriff: Yeah. Michael, Kyle, take Courtney. You guys go first. Max: When you're in, we'll send the next bunch. Sheriff: All right, go. [SCENE_BREAK] (Michael, Kyle, and Courtney make it to the UFO Center. Michael opens the door with his power) Sheriff: I'll take Tess, Liz, and Maria. You two OK bringin' up the rear? (Max nods) Sheriff: Ready? Tess: Ok. (Sheriff Valenti, Liz, and Tess move) Max: We're gonna be ok. Isabel: Max, if I ask you to do something, will you just do it, no questions asked? (Max nods) Isabel: You go. Make sure everyone else is safe. I'm gonna find Nicholas. Max: No. Isabel: Max...you don't understand. He's after me. Max: Why, Isabel? What really happened in Arizona? We're stronger together than we are apart. Isabel: You're right. I'm sorry. Max: Don't worry about it. I'm gonna make sure it's safe. And then we're up. Ok. The coast is clear. You go ahead, and I'll follow you. Ready? (Max turns around to find that Isabel has slipped away. He goes to look for her) (Isabel walks around and finds the tour bus. Someone is playing with a remote-controlled car. As Isabel walks up to the bus, the car runs into her) Nicholas: Boo. (Inside the UFO Center) Michael: I brought you some water if you want. We're gonna pull together the ingredients for another bath. Ok? Courtney: It won't work. It's...I'm dying. Michael: No. No. No, that's not an option. Ok, there's...there's gotta be something that we can do. Courtney, what? Courtney: You won't want to do it. Michael: Just say it. What is it? Courtney: The granilith. (Inside Brody's office) Kyle: I can't call out of town. Liz: Kyle. Kyle. Um, do you see this jump on the graph? There was some sort of, like, electric disturbance that leveled off here. Kyle: When? Liz: Um...10:30 this morning. Kyle: Right about when everyone went poof. Liz: Kyle, if the energy field was turned on... Kyle: Maybe it can be turned off. Liz: Exactly. I mean, we just need to find the source. If we can shut it off, maybe we can bring everyone back. (Sheriff Valenti enters) Sheriff: Liz...will you excuse us for a second? Kyle: Don't worry, dad. I'm stayin' out of everyone's way. Sheriff: Kyle...do you remember what you did the night after your mom left? Kyle: I lent you Mr. Squishels. Sheriff: You were worried about me, and you didn't want me sleeping alone, so you did instead. That was a brave thing for a 6-year-old to do, and I was...and I was proud of you. Kyle: Mm-hmm. Sheriff: I remember the first time you tied your own shoes...and when we, uh...we took the training wheels off of your bike. Kyle: Ok, pop, knock it off. (Sheriff stumbles) Sheriff: I... Kyle: You...dad. You all right? Sheriff: I'm in awe of you every day, son. And I apologize for not recognizing the man that you're becoming...because you're a darn...you're a darn good one. (Sheriff Valenti disappears in front of Kyle's eyes) Kyle: No! Dad! (Max arrives at the UFO Center) Tess: Did you find her? Max: Where's Michael? Tess: He's in the back. (Maris paces around. She walks by an exhibit with a mannequin in a window. She turns around and walks back and notices the mannequin is missing now. A skin steps out and blasts Maria with an energy blast) Maria: Tess! (Tess sneaks behind the skin and kicks its seal self-destruct button) Tess: They found a way in. We've gotta go. Max: All right. We'll head for the school. It's our turf. Get your dad. Kyle: I can't. He disappeared right in front of me. Liz: You know, the skins' time dimension must be catching up with those of us that are... Maria: Human. Who's next? (Kyle sees a UFO Center postcard and recognizes the sign in it. It's the one he and his dad saw earlier that was defaced) Kyle: That time field is coming from the billboard out by Chaparral Turnout. My dad spotted a green rod stuck through it this morning. We thought it was a prank. I'm heading out there. Max: No. We stick together. Kyle: Hey, I've been really nice about following your orders, Senor Presidente, but if I can do something to help bring some people back or ensure that Liz, Maria, and I live to see another day, I'm gonna do it. Max: Kyle. Look...take Bradford Alley all the way out of town. It's a straight shot. You can't get boxed in. Kyle: Thanks. Max: Good luck...to all of you. Kyle: I'll take care of her. (Kyle leaves and Liz follows him after staring at Max for a brief moment) Maria: Um...I know how you hate when things get all goopy, so... Michael: Yeah. So I'll see you soon. Maria: Yeah. Michael: No. I will. (Maria leaves) Max: Ok. It's the four of us on foot. If we stick to the side streets, we can... Tess: What's wrong? Max: Where's Courtney? (Inside the skins' bus, Isabel is handcuffed to the railing) Isabel: Uh... Nicholas: I knew it was only a matter of time before you rejoined our side, Vilandra. Ida: Tryin' to ambush my baby. I should pull out your filthy eyes and grind 'em into dust. Isabel: I came to make a deal. Nicholas: And what could you possibly have to offer us? Isabel: Me. Nicholas: You always were a flighty little princess. Jewels before studies. That's our Vilandra. We have you, you beautiful moron. Isabel: I think you're the one who doesn't understand. Nicholas: Leave us. Ida: You can't possibly think that this woman... Nicholas: Do you really want to finish that sentence? Leave. Now. Ida: All right. (Ida leaves) Nicholas: Go ahead. Isabel: The last time we were together, you awakened something in me. I remembered things from our past. You and me. Nicholas: Our forbidden meetings. Isabel: I came here for you. I know what's hiding behind that husk. (Nicholas motions with his hand and the handcuffs disappear) (Isabel acts like she's going to kiss Nicholas, but at the last instant, she pushes him to the ground. She reaches for his fanny pack when Ida comes in and knocks Isabel out) Isabel: Uhh! Nicholas: Mom, what are you doing?! Ida: Saving you, sir! Nicholas: She was no threat! Damn it, now she's no good at all! I'm sick of this! Ida: What do you want to do now? Nicholas: Kill every last one of 'em. (Liz, Maria, and Kyle are on their way to the billboard) Maria: If we get out of this... Kyle: When we get out of this... Maria: Things are gonna change for me. I'm gonna start spending more time with my mother. I'm gonna...I'm gonna write more to my grandmother. I mean, these are the people who gave me life, you know? Liz: No! I can't leave it like this! Maria: Excuse me? Liz: Max. No, I walked out on him without explaining what happened between you and me. Maria: Huh? Liz: I didn't even say good-bye! Kyle: Look, you've got a job to do. Max has got a job to do. When everybody's done with their job, you can make nice. Liz: He'll never know! Kyle: He's Max. He'll always know. Right? (Liz disappears) Maria: Liz? Ohhh... (Maria and Kyle arrives at the billboard) Maria: Not Liz. I need Liz. Kyle: Maria, Maria, look, look, look, look. She's coming back. They all are. All right. Now, Liz said something about generators and electric fields. Maria: So how does electricity work? Kyle: Why are you lookin' at me? We were both in the same remedial science class for 3 years. Maria: Basically, we have to...um, blow its fuse, right? Kyle: That means we mess with the current. Do you have jumper cables? Maria: Yeah. (A skin appears) Kyle: Buddha, forgive me, but I'm gonna kick your ass! (The skin rushes Kyle and he flips him over. Kyle goes to the car to the get "the club". He knocks the skin with it and then knocks the seal self-destruct button) Kyle: Maria... (Kyle disappears) (Back in town, Nicholas finds Courtney who's lying on the ground) Nicholas: When my soldiers told me what they had found, I had to see for myself. What's the matter, Courtney? Too weak to run? Courtney: Leave me alone. Nicholas: You always were the social butterfly, Courtney. Always the first to make new friends. But what I want to know is...where are yours hiding? Courtney: I think I see a chest hair, Nicholas. Way to go. Nicholas: Fine. We'll do this the hard way. (Nicholas grabs Courtney's head and starts draining her mind) Courtney: Ohh! Ohhh! Nicholas: Let's see...you had scrambled eggs for breakfast. Then you slipped into that husk that punk stole from us. Courtney: No! No. Nicholas: Boring. Boring. Boring. Aha! (Nicholas sees an image of Max through his mind drain) Max: All right, we'll head for the school. It's our turf. (End flashback) Nicholas: School? On a Saturday? What a drag. Courtney: I hope they kill you. Nicholas: You've become awfully chummy with them, haven't you? Courtney? Are you hiding something else? You are. You have a secret. What do you know? Courtney: Ohhh! (Nicholas grabs her head again and sees another image) Michael: If anything happens to me, Max, or Tess, I want you to be able to save yourself. Now, if I tell you where the granilith is, do you swear never to tell anyone? Courtney: I swear. (End flashback) Nicholas: The granilith! That's a bonus! I hope he gave you detailed directions. (Courtney reaches behind to her back and presses the husk un-sealing button. She disintegrates) Nicholas: Now, that's a soldier. (At school, Max asks Michael where Courtney went) Max: You sure you don't know where Courtney went? Michael: Your guess is as good as mine. Tess: I've got one. She and Nicholas are probably laughing at how gullible we are. Max: Isabel. Isabel. Nicholas: Ahem! (Max, Michael, and Tess look around. They're surrounded by skins) (Back at the billboard, Maria grabs some jumper cables and starts to set them up) (Max, Isabel, Tess, and Michael are tied up to pillars. Nicholas walks up to Max) Nicholas: What happened to you, guy? You used to determine the fate of entire armies with the flip of a coin. Luckily for me, you continue to put your faith in the wrong people. Does this scene feel familiar, Vilandra? And your trusted second...the boy who spilled the secret of the granilith to one of our exiled members. Rule number one of war: keep your big mouth shut. Courtney knew that. That's why she killed herself before I could get its exact location. By the way, love the hair. Hope you win. There's one more thing I need to know before we can all call it a day. Where's the granilith? Max: I'm not telling you. Nicholas: Oh...you will. (Nicholas motions with his hand and Michael, Isabel, and Tess start screaming in pain) Michael: Aah! Isabel: Aah! Tess: Aah! Max: Wait! I'll take you there! Just you and me. This has nothing to do with them. Isabel: Max, don't. Nicholas: This is too easy. In the old days, I would've been no match for you. But...now... (Nicholas grabs Max's head and starts draining his memory) Max: Nyggggg...unhh! Ohhh...uhh! Nicholas: Either way, you're going to die, Max. So why don't you just make this easy on yourself? Max: Uhhh! Uhhh! Uhhh! (Max focuses and repels Nicholas' mind drain) (Back at the billboard) Maria: Keep it together, De Luca. (Back at school) Nicholas: Ready to tell me now? (Maria hooks the cable clamps to each other and places it on top of the green pulsating tube. She disappears shortly afterward. The cables destroy the tube and Roswell glows green again as the effects of the tube are reversed) (Tess screams shrilly and then gathers her power. A raging fire starts to build behind her and she releases it into the group of skins, vaporizing them) Tess: What...what just happened? Max: You saved us. Tess: Ohhh... Max: Vilandra? (The pod squad looks around and see the the janitor) (Back at the Crashdown, all the humans have returned. Alex is eating at the counter) Alex: Hey, these are freezin'! Sheriff: Alex. Alex: Mornin', Sheriff. Uh, skip the pancakes. Sheriff: Yeah? Hey, kiddo. How's it goin'? Alex: Good. You? Sheriff: Good. Alex: Great. (At the Evans household, Diane Evans is washing dishes when Isabel rushes in) Isabel: Mom! Diane: Ohh! How hard can it be to sit down to one breakfast? But, no...everybody has to go running. Isabel, why can't we just be like a normal family? (Isabel hugs her tightly) Diane: Oh! Sweetie, I'm drippin' water all over the floor here. Isabel: I'll get it later. (Switch to Liz, Maria, and Kyle by the blown up billboard. They jump around hugging each other) (Max and Tess are walking through a park, discussing what happened) Tess: I just wanted to scare them with a mind warp. I thought if they saw fire...it was awful, Max. I lost control. Tapped into...something completely different. Max: You think you could do it again? Tess: I don't want to. (Suddenly, a little boy who looks a lot like Nicholas bumps into Tess while riding a scooter. The episode ends with Max and Tess staring after the boy as he rides away)

The Skins make all the humans in Roswell, New Mexico disappear, turning it into a ghost town. Maria and Liz manage to slip through the cracks and don't disappear with the rest of the humans because they were out of town at the time. Upon returning to Roswell, they realize everyone is gone and freak out. When they get to the Crashdown, they meet up with the four aliens and together they try to figure out who is behind the disappearances. The Skins assault ends with the death of one of the aliens, Courtney. Fortunately Tess uses her mind blowing powers and destroys all the other Skins or so it seems until Max and Tess spot a boy resembling Nicholas on a scooter at the end of the episode.

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"To Serve and Protect" 33rd Episode of Roswell Production Code: 2ADA11 [SCENE_BREAK] (Episode opens on Max and Isabel at home flipping through television channels) Isabel: There's nothing on. Max: We must have 50 channels. Isabel: Crap. . .Crap. . . Max: Uh Huh. Isabel: Boring. Max: Uh Huh. Isabel: I'm going to take a stroll; see what people are dreaming. Max: Haven't you been over doing that lately? Isabel: Take it easy. It's harmless. Max: It's just not a very nice thing to do. (Isabel leaves, Max yells after her.) Max: Stay away from Liz, please. (He continues flipping through channels) Max: Crap. . .Crap. . .Crap. . . (Isabel is on her bed looking through her yearbook and stops at Liz's picture. We enter Liz's dream at the Crashdown. A young man enters.) Brad: Hello, Liz. Liz: Hello, Brad. (Brad lifts her up, and sets her on the counter. Liz lies down.) Liz: Would you like fries with that. (Brad and Liz start kissing. Max shows up behind the counter) Liz: I'm with Brad now. Max: Brad doesn't even exist. Besides, you want someone who can do this. (Max gestures toward the ceiling and rose petals start to fall. Liz and Max kiss.) Liz: Oh my! Isabel: Even her romantic dreams are boring. (Back to Isabel's room. She looks through the yearbook again and stops on Kyle.) Isabel: Kyle's got to be more interesting than that. (We enter Kyle's dream. He's on a mountaintop in a Lotus position with BUDDHA.) Buddha: Remember young blossom, my most important words. Kyle: Yes, master. Buddha: To thine own self be true. Isabel: It's Shakespeare. Buddha: With every inhale find the center of yourself. With every exhale release the ties that bind your energy. Inhale. . .Exhale. . .Inhale. . . (BUDDHA is interrupted by a cell phone beeping.) Buddha: Excuse me. BUDDHA here. Yeah. When? Prepare the ship. Standby to beam us aboard. Kyle: Master? Buddha: Our enemies have arrived, Kyle. We must leave Earth and face the dark legion. Kyle: No, no, no, no. I'm here for inner peace, not that science fiction crap. Buddha: Max Evans changed you when he saved your life. You know that. You're an alien now Kyle. Dude, like, accept you destiny. Kyle: No, I'm not! (Kyle looks down at his hand and it has become green and slimy.) Kyle: Ahhhhh! (Switch back to Isabel's room, where she enters another dream in a forest with flashes of light.) Isabel: Where am I? Kyle, who's dream is this? (We see a man dragging a screaming girl in a black plastic bag. Isabel wakes up in a panic.) (Opening credits) (Open on Sheriff Valenti's office, the next morning.) Voice (O.C.): Excuse me. I'm looking for a broken-down, old, war-horse somehow managed to make Sheriff of Roswell, New Mexico. Valenti: Hansen, send that sanctimonious paper-pusher in here before I have him arrested for vagrancy. (Man enters) Dan: Damn son, you are getting old. Valenti: Real police work will do that to you, Dan. You should try it some time. Dan: Now, that hurts. Long time, Jimbo. Valenti: Too long. So, I take it this isn't a social call. Dan: The state police board wants to review the Hubble shooting. VALENTI: Hubble? Well, it's an open and shut case. Crazy old man with a gun in the desert. It was over a year ago. Why investigate that? Dan: Wheels of justice grind slowly. Valenti: Do I need a lawyer? Dan: Whoa, easy, no need to get all riled up now. Valenti: That was a clean shoot, Dan. Dan: If you say so. (Change to Crashdown. Tess is having breakfast with Kyle. She pours Tabasco sauce on her waffles with whip cream and strawberries, and in her orange juice.) Kyle: That's a very alien thing, isn't it? The very sweet, very spicy? TESS: Uh huh. Kyle: Can I try a bite? Tess: You won't like it. Kyle: Oh, I hope not. (Kyle takes a taste) Kyle: Oh my God. Tess: I told you. Kyle: No,no,no. It's not completely horrible. It's almost tasty. Tess: Oh well, here. Have some more. Kyle: No, no, I can't. This is so wrong. I'm not ready for this. Tess: Not ready for what? Kyle: For the change. Not ready to be, like, a half-human, half-alien freakazoid. Tess: Uh, we prefer the term 'hybrids'. Kyle: I'm serious. Look, I never bargained for this. One minute I'm a normal guy with my whole life ahead of me the next thing I know, Max Evans transmogrifies me into something not-of-this-Earth. Tess: Whoa, whoa, trans-what? Kyle: Look, I never asked for this. Tess: Well, I suppose he could have let you die. Is that what you want? KYLE: If I had died, I would have transcended the mortal plane and been reincarnated into the next stage of my life. Tess: Reincarnated as what, exactly? Kyle: Like, just another person or animal, maybe. Tess: An animal? Like, you could have ended up a gopher or something! KYLE: Look, we're getting off the point. I really need some help. Tess: What do you want from me? I don't know what's going to happen to you. You know, maybe nothing will happen. Or maybe you could develop superpowers and start flying all over Roswell in a big cape. I don't know! (Kyle reaches for Tess' waffles.) Kyle: Could I have another- Tess: No! (Isabel and Max are talking to Sheriff Valenti in his office.) Valenti: Alright, let me get this straight. You can go into people's dreams? Isabel: Yes. But usually I choose whose dreams I go into. This one just came to me. Valenti: Well, how do you know this was real, not just somebody's nightmare you stumbled into? Isabel: I don't know, but it felt real. She needs help. Max: Sheriff, when Tess was being tortured Isabel got flashes from her, and that's how she knew Tess was in danger. That's how we saved her life. We should check into this. Valenti: It's a little hard to look for a missing girl without a name or a face. (Dan knocks and enters) Dan: Hey, Senor Chows for lunch? Valenti: Yeah, that'd be fine. (Dan looks with interest at Max and Isabel.) Dan: Hi. Max: Hi. Valenti: I'll see you at 1:00, Dan. (Dan exits) Max: Who was that? Valenti: From the State Police Board. He's reviewing the Hubble case. Max: Hubble? Valenti: It's no big deal. Dan's an old friend. I'll tell you what. I'll look into it, Okay? Isabel: Thank you. (Dan and Valenti are having lunch at Senor Chows.) Valenti: When I ordered him to put his weapon down, he uh. . . he refused, brought the gun up. I felt my life was in imminent danger, so I fired. Dan: Hmm, just like it says in your report. (Dan signals a waiter) Uh, could we have more of these sweet and sour tortillas? They're good, different, but good. So, uh, who were those kids in your office this morning? Valenti: Nobody. Stolen bike. Dan: Hmm, What were their names again? Valenti: Max and Isabel Evans. DAN: Max Evans. . .hmm, I got a statement here says that Hubble was last seen in a car with Max Evans, before the shooting. Valenti: Whose statement? Dan: Was Max Evans there that night? Valenti: No. Dan: Okay Jim, that's all I need to hear. (Move to the Crashdown. Liz is serving food to some customers) Liz: Okay, Umm, we have a Saturn Rings and a Galaxy Sub, hold the Max. (Liz looks at Maria as she realizes her mistake) Okay, so I'll be right back with the Cokes. (Maria pulls Liz aside.) Maria: Okay, what just happened? Liz: I need help. I'm sick, Okay. I am an obsessed person. Maria: Okay, is this a general freakout or should I be concerned? Liz: No, I have Max on my brain 24 hours a day. Okay, I dream about him, I think about him, and now I'm saying his friggin' name without even realizing it. What am I going to do? Maria: You're in love that's all. Liz: I know, but it's not getting me anywhere. Maria: Okay relax, relax, Liz. It's not that bad. I promise. Liz: Not that bad? Really? Why don't you look at this? (Liz pulls out two pictures of Max from her apron pockets.) Liz: See! Obsession, obsession, obsession, obsession! Maria: Okay, okay, you're a Max-aholic. I'm here for you. What can I do? Liz: Get me a life. (a new guy enters the Crashdown.) Maria: Oh, you gotta be kidding me. When did you get out? Sean: This morning. Maria: You didn't break out did you? Sean: I got a release, good behavior. Maria: That's a first. You don't think that you're going to stay with us do you? Sean: Oh, uh, Aunt Amy already gave it the thumbs up. Maria: She is such a soft touch, isn't she? Sean: Hi, Liz. Liz: Hey, Sean. Sean: All grown up. Like it. I'll see you at home. Maria: It's not your home. (Evans House. Grant Sorenson is flipping through TV channels as Max walks in with a look of distrust.) Max: Grant. Grant: Hey, Max. Max: You're uh. . . Grant: Waiting for Isabel. Max: Oh, right. I'll go check on her. (Max enters Isabel's room. Isabel is hurriedly going through her closest of clothes picking out something to wear.) Max: You know, Grant's downstairs. Isabel: I know. Max: Do you really like that guy? Isabel: Don't start with me, Max. Max: What's wrong? Isabel: I just. . .I've been thinking about that girl all day. You know? It was different. It was like she was dreamwalking me. Max: You mean, like, she's an alien? Isabel: No, no, I don't think so. Max: Well, maybe you should cancel your date. Isabel: You know how many times I have cancelled in the last month? I have no more excuses. Max: Well, tell him the truth. You've been battling evil aliens for control of the planet and it's hard to fit him in. Isabel: Funny. No, no, I want a normal date with a normal guy tonight. I'm going, so just. . .just tell him I'll be ready in five minutes. Okay? Five minutes. Max: Five minutes. Isabel: Yeah, five minutes. Okay? Thank you. (Valenti living room. Kyle is sitting in front of the TV, which is off. He tries out his alien powers by raising his hand toward the screen. Tess walks up behind him and sees what he is doing, so she picks up the remote control and turns the TV on.) Kyle: Oh God, jeez. (Tess laughs quietly to herself and Kyle tries again.) Kyle: Channel 15. (Tess changes the channel with the remote.) Kyle: Channel 23 (Tess changes the channel) Kyle: Unscrambled p0rn. (Tess changes again, and Kyle jumps up in triumph.) Kyle: I have become - (he turns and sees Tess behind him.) Kyle: an idiot. Tess: Oh, but a cute one. Hey (Tess tosses the remote to Kyle) (Switch to the movies with Isabel and Grant. Isabel rolls her head from side to side.) Grant: You sore? Isabel: Yeah. (Grant massages her neck.) Isabel: Thank you. (Isabel lays her head on Grant's shoulder and closes her eyes. Suddenly she gets another flash of a young blond girl being kidnapped as she goes to her car. We see drugs and a syringe. Next we see her being dragged in a black bag, by a man. Isabel sits up with a yell.) Grant: You okay? Isabel: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm sorry. (Isabel and Max are in Valenti's livingroom later that night.) Isabel: I need to find her. She's in trouble. She's going to die. Valenti: I thought you weren't sure. Isabel: It's real Sheriff. I know it's happening. Max: You have to find her. Valenti: Find who? What missing girl? No one's been reported. I don't know what she looks like. I don't have any leads. . . Isabel: I saw her car. It's silver. Valenti: Did you see the plates? Isabel: No, but it's a Honda, or a Toyota, or something. I'm not good with cars. Valenti: Okay, I guess I could start looking through the abandoned vehicle reports. See if it's turned up. Okay? Isabel: Thank you. I'm sorry for barging in like this. Valenti: Hey, hey. It's Okay, alright? Isabel: Thank you. (As Isabel leaves Max talks to the sheriff.) Max: I know how all this must look. Valenti: I believe her. I do. I just don't know how realistic it is to think that I'm going to be able to find this girl with this evidence. Max: I know. Thanks. (As Max leaves the sheriff makes a phone call.) Valenti: Hansen, I'm coming in. (Valenti enters the Crashdown on his way in to the station and sits at the counter by a woman.) Valenti: Large coffee and a warp wrap to go please. Judith Foster: Working late Jim? Valenti: Yep Judith Foster: Great match your boy had the other night. Valenti: Yeah, two take downs. Not bad, huh? Judith Foster: Just like his father. Remember that match against the Rangers? Valenti: My God, how do you remember these things? Judith Foster: I had a crush on you, or didn't you notice? Valenti: I noticed your boyfriend. Judith Foster: I like to call him my husband now. Valenti: How's your girl? Judith Foster: Melissa? Fine, just fine. . . I think. Valenti: Something wrong? Judith Foster: No, it's nothing I'm sure. She went to visit some friends in Santa Fe yesterday and she hasn't called home yet. I know I shouldn't be concerned, but she always calls. Oh, I'm being silly. Valenti: Melissa drives a silver car doesn't she? Judith Foster: Yeah, Toyota. Why? (Sheriff's station later that night. A deputy is interviewing the woman as Sheriff Valenti enters giving orders.) Valenti: You contacted all the Foster girl's friends yet? I need to know if she turns up. Deputy: OKAY (Valenti turns to another officer.) Valenti: Get highway patrol on the horn. I want every inch of 285 covered. (Valenti hands papers to another officer) Valenti: Plate numbers. Run them. (Switch to Mrs. Foster being interviewed) Mrs. Foster: She had an overnight bag and a cosmetics case. Deputy: Does she have a cell phone? Mrs. Foster: No. I took it away from her. She was spending too much money. (Dan enters) Dan: Hey, how's it going? Valenti: Busy. Judith, you have that picture? Mrs. Foster: Yeah, it's right here. (Valenti turns back to Dan.) Valenti: What's up? Dan: Heard about the missing girl. You're really circling up the wagons here. Valenti: Just doing my job. Excuse me. (Valenti opens his office door.) Dan: Who you got in there? (Valenti turns back and looks at Dan but doesn't answer, then continues into his office and closes the door. Max and Isabel are waiting. He hands Isabel a picture of Melissa Foster.) Valenti: Is this her? Isabel: The hair's the right color. I think so. Valenti: Are you sure? Isabel: I never saw her clearly, but it's her. It has to be. Valenti: I hope you're wrong. I've known the Fosters for years. Max: Well, I don't recognize her. Valenti: She goes to Goddard High. Isabel: The terror. I felt it so clearly in the last dream. We have to get her back. I need to. Valenti: You and me both. (Change to the next day in the Crashdown where Maria is serving Sean.) Maria: In case I haven't told you this. You dine n' dash here, you die. (Sean reaches into his pocket and lays money on the table.) Maria: Is there a tip in there? Sean: Just give me the burger. Maria: How about a little talk, hmmm? Alright, in our house there are rules, and as strange, unimaginable, and bizarre as it may seem - we live our lives by these very simple rules. Sean: Okay. Maria: Rule one, toilet seat is left down. Rule two, underwear are not left on the floor, no. Rule three, milk is poured into a glass, not directly consumed by the carton. Rule four - Sean: There a lot of these rules? Maria: Don't worry, I'll write them down for you, assuming of course, that you can read. Sean: Of course. Maria: Now, pay attention please. Rule four is very important. Leave Liz alone. Sean: Why, is she part of that house too or something? Maria: I am not kidding, Sean. She is way off limits to you. Okay? Way, way, off limits. Sean: Way. Maria: Look, I saw the way you looked at her, alright? 'All grown up. I like it' No, it's not going to happen, Sean. Sean: Okay. Maria: She's in a very delicate and fragile place in her life right now. (We hear Liz yelling off camera) Liz: Dammit Eddie, where's my order? (Sean looks questioningly at Maria) Maria: I'm serious. Sean: I hear you, alright? Leave her alone. I get it. What do you want from me? Maria: I'll give you the list by the end of the day. [SCENE_BREAK] (Switch to Isabel in her room. She lies on her bed and tries to dreamwalk. After some restless tossing she sees the blond girl again being dragged in the forest. This time we see the face of the man and it is Grant Sorenson. Isabel wakes up very upset and Max is shaking her.) Isabel: No! Oh, no! It can't be! Max: You started crying Isabel. What happened? Isabel: No, Oh God! It's Grant! It's Grant. I saw him. I saw him. Oh God! Oh God. No. (Change to Valenti's Office, where Isabel and Max are talking to the Sheriff.) Valenti: Sorenson? Isabel: I'm positive. Valenti: Alright, I'll take care of it. Max: You want us to help? Valenti: Not this time. (Switch to a daytime shot of a golf course. Valenti is calling to a judge who is playing golf.) Valenti: Your honor! Your honor! Judge: Hello, Sheriff. Valenti: The woman who came forward is positive she saw Grant Sorenson with Melissa Foster. Judge: You have a history with this Sorenson character don't you? Uh, he filed a complaint? Valenti: That was a misunderstanding, sir. Judge: Yeah, you searched his room without a warrant, shoving a gun in his face. Valenti: Your honor! Your honor! A girl could be dying here! Judge: You hurry and get me probable cause, then you'll get your warrant; otherwise, you're ruining my handicap. (Change to Grant Sorenson's campsite as The Sheriff and Hansen drive up.) Valenti: Check the car. We're looking for a large vinyl bag; seven foot by three. Grant: What the hell's going on here? Valenti: We need to do a little looking around Mr. Sorenson. Grant: For what? My igneous rock collection? Valenti: Do you know Melissa Foster? Grant: I heard she was. . . What is this? Every time someone disappears I become your number one suspect? Valenti: What were you doing last Friday night? Grant: I drove to Carlsbad. That's the opposite direction from Santa Fe. VALENTI: How did you know Miss Foster went to Santa Fe? Grant: It's common knowledge. The whole town is talking. Sherrif, you got a warrant? Valenti: What were you doing in Carlsbad? Grant: I went to pick up some equipment. Valenti: We heard you were out here in the middle of the night. Grant: That's not a crime. Valenti: Depends upon what you were doing. (Valenti comes to Grant's tent and opens the flap. He sees a large black vinyl bag like the one in Isabel's visions, and pulls it out.) Grant: Don't touch that. Valenti: What are you doing with this bag? Grant: Transporting equipment. Valenti: I need to see what's inside it. Open it up. Grant: I can't do that. Valenti: Well if you won't then I will. Step aside. Grant: Sheriff, this is ridiculous. Valenti: Back off! (Grant moves aside and the sheriff unzips the bag to find equipment.) Valenti: What is this? Grant: It's equipment, photosensitive equipment. They use it in caverns like in Carlsbad. That's why I work at nights. It's the only time to get proper readings. You don't have a warrant do you? (Switch to Valenti's office where Dan is waiting for him.) Valenti: Dan. Dan: Okay, cards on the table, Jimbo. What's going on here? Valenti: I'm in the middle of an investigation. Dan: Where you been the last four hours? Valenti: Following a lead. Checking out a suspect. Anymore questions? DAN: Yeah, you get a warrant for Sorenson this time? Valenti: You always know more than you let on, don't you Dan. I should have remembered that the day you walked through my door. Dan: It's part of my job, Jimbo, and what I know right now is you disappear for days on end and you spend a lot of time lately with teenage kids. That's awful strange behavior. Valenti: This isn't about the Hubble case is it? What the hell is going on here? Dan: The State Board has had you in their watch file for a long time now, what with your reputation for chasing UFO's and what not. But right now it's your own men that are talking, and they want to know what's happened to their sheriff. Valenti: I don't owe them an explanation. Dan: You owe me! (Valenti and Dan start yelling at the same time.) Dan: You're crossing a lot of lines and I want to know why! Valenti: I haven't been able to carry on an investigation. A girl's life is on the line. (The two men are interrupted by a knock on the door.) Valenti: What! Hansen: Uh, Sheriff. I'm sorry but, uh. . (Hansen shows a young blond girl into Valenti's office.) Dan: Can we help you? Girl: Yeah, hi. I'm Melissa Foster. I heard you were looking for me. (Switch to an alley outside the Sheriff's station where Valenti is talking to Max and Isabel.) Valenti: Girl said her car gave out halfway to Santa Fe. Next day she had it towed. No kidnapper, no needles, no bags and no desert. (Isabel hangs her head.) Valenti: Isabel, it's alright. Melissa's safe. Her family's happy. Nobody got hurt. Max: What about you? Valenti: I'll have some awkward questions to answer but I'm sure it will blow over. Isabel: Sheriff, I am so sorry. I don't know how I could have been so wrong. I . . . Valenti: Hey, you didn't do anything wrong. You have gifts the rest of us don't, and I trust those gifts. And if anything like this ever happens again, I want you to come to me. I'll be fine. (Back in Valenti's office where Dan and the Judge are questioning him.) Judge: What the hell is wrong with you? You conduct an illegal search after I say no! Dan: You know, Sorenson has filed a 15 million-dollar civil suit against the city. Valenti: For what? Because I ruined his stupid experiment? He's gonna be laughed out of court. Judge: I'm half tempted to have you thrown into your own jail on a contempt citation. Valenti: I'm sorry. Okay, I was wrong. I had a hunch. I had to follow it. JUDGE: A hunch! You told me you had a witness! Dan: You told Judith Foster you had two witnesses! You terrified that family! I spent all day trying to calm them down. Valenti: There are two witnesses, but I promised them anonymity. I can't break that promise. Dan: We talking about those kids again. Valenti: No Judge: What kids? Dan: Max and Isabel Evans. Valenti: This has nothing to do with them. Judge: Then who? I want names and I want them now. Valenti: I'm sorry. Judge: Best find yourself a lawyer. (Later that night in Isabel's room, where Max is talking to Isabel.) Max: Isabel, I don't understand this. You've never been wrong about this in the past and we've always gone with your judgement. Isabel: I don't understand it either, Max. This wasn't something that I planned. Max: How could this happen. Isabel: I don't know. Max: Valenti might be losing his job because of us. Have you thought about that? Isabel: Of course I have, but what was I suppose to do? Just let her die? Max: There is no missing girl, Alright! Your dreams were wrong. You were wrong. Isabel: Don't' you think I know that? Maybe part of me just needed her to be missing. Max: What do you mean? Isabel: After everything we've been through, after all the pain that we've caused, I just wanted what we are, what I am, to do something good for a change. Max: Isabel, you are my sister. You yell at me, you second-guess me, and you piss me off. You also saved my life, and I don't care what we've been through; I still believe in you. I always will. Go get some sleep. You look. . . really bad. Isabel: Thanks! (Change to Crashdown same night. Liz, Maria, and Michael are working and Kyle is sitting at the counter. Sean enters.) Kyle: Tess is openly mocking me now. This morning I woke up with little antennae coming out of my head. Liz: I don't know what to say. We need professional help. Sean: Yo, M. Maria: M? No, see um. . . in the real world we use names. My name is Maria. Kyle: Who's that? Michael: Maria's loser cousin Sean. Sean: Can I get some fries, tough guy? Michael: No Maria: Sorry, we're closed. So sorry. Kyle: Anyway, the point is, I'm just saying It's gonna be OK. I mean we're both obsessed people but we'll get through it. At least we have each other. Liz: You know, uh, I think the fryer is still warm. I could whip you up some fries. Sean: Nah, forget it. I'll scrounge something up at home. (Sean exits.) Maria: It's not your home. Stop calling it that. You're just passing through. You're not actually thinking. . . Liz: No, of course not. Maria: All I try and do is help. Does anybody listen? Liz: I'm sorry, what were you saying? Kyle: Nothing. I was just talking to myself. Hey, you got any cousins for me? (Change to Isabel in bed, same night. She has another vision. She sees more details of where the girl is.) Isabel: Where am I? Kidnapped Girl: No, please don't! Isabel: Max, Max! No, Max. . . Max! (Attacker takes out a syringe. Isabel screams and begins reacting like the kidnapped girl.) Isabel: Help me! (Max enters, sits on Isabels bed and tries to wake her.) Max: I'm here. Isabel, Isabel wake up. Isabel: No, please! Don't do this. You don't have to do this. No! (Isabel wakes up) Max: Isabel, are you alright? Isabel: Oh my God. (Move to Valenti's office the same night. Dan enters.) Dan: Judith Foster is filing a grievance with the State police board. She wants a formal investigation into you actions. Valenti: I wonder who put that idea in her head? Dan: Lot a questions here, Jimbo. Time for you to start thinkin' of some answers. Valenti: Talk to my lawyer. (Phone rings) Valenti: Sheriff Valenti. Max: It's not over. Valenti: You wanna explain that to me. Max: It's not Melissa Foster. It's some other girl. She's in Fraizer Woods in the clearing outside the abandoned pump house. We have to go right now. (Valenti pauses and looks up at Dan.) Max: Sheriff? Valenti: Where are you now Deputy? Max: We're at our house. We'll meet you on Clark's street, near the Crashdown. Valenti: Stay where you are. I'll take care of it. Max: No, we're going with you. Can you meet us? Valenti: Yeah, I'll meet you there deputy. (The Sheriff hangs up.) Dan: Do deputies always call you on your private line? Valenti: I'll talk to you in the morning. Dan: You know your Daddy went down just like this. Got some fool notion into his head, ignored the law and his friends, and ended up handing over his badge. Valenti: Is that a threat? Dan: If that phone call was from those kids, consider it a warning. (Move to Frazier Woods. Max, Isabel, and Valenti are searching with flashlights.) Isabel: This is it. Max: Ok, we're here. Now what? Isabel: I don't know. I don't know. She's here. She's here somewhere. VALENTI: You kidnap a girl. You bring her out here and then you. . . Max: What is it? Valenti: It's a molehill. Max: So? Valenti: It's an awfully straight line for a molehill. (Valenti reaches down and finds a tube. He pulls it up and follows along it until he comes to a strange apparatus.) Valenti: Oxygen tanks Isabel: Oh my God. Valenti: Come on. (Valenti follows the tube back the other direction until it finally disappears deep into the ground.) Isabel: Oh God, she's under here. (They dig frantically with their hands. We see someone watching them through the cross hairs of a gun scope.) Max: Watch the head. Isabel: Oh my God. (They unearth a clear plastic box around the buried girl's head.) Isabel: What did they do to her? Max: I don't know. Valenti: She's going into shock. Isabel: We've got you. What did they do? Max: Isabel, can you get this thing off? Isabel: Yes. Valenti: Hurry, Hurry. Get it off. (The rifleman shoots and hits the ground near them. Max jumps up and puts up his protective shield. Valenti pulls out his gun and aims toward where the shots came from. The masked man fires again, but the bullet bounces off the shield.) Max: Isabel, hurry! (Isabel tries to lift the box off the girl's head while another bullet bounces off Max's shield.) Valenti: Max, I see the shooter. Max: I can't keep this up. Isabel: I almost have it. (Another shot bounces off.) Isabel: I've got it. Max: You see him? Valenti: Yeah. . . Ready? Go! (Max withdraws the shield. Valenti fires several shots and hits the shooter. The shooter is only wounded and runs away. A flashlight appears behind Valenti, Max, and Isabel.) Dan: Freeze! Valenti: Dan, It's me! Dan: What the hell's going on here? Who are you shootin' at? Valenti: Kidnapper. Dan: What kidnapper? Valenti: We found our missing girl. (Max and Isabel look at each other nervously while Dan walks over and sees the girl. Dan removes his coat to cover her. The girl is crying.) (Later. More police have arrived and an ambulance. The kidnapped girl, Laurie, is on a stretcher.) Laurie: (very emotional) I never saw his face. I was coming down to visit my grandparents in Roswell when he . . . came up behind me on the street. . . Valenti: Laurie, I'm going to have someone watch over you round the clock until your parents arrive. You're safe now. I promise. Laurie: How did you know to find me out here? Valenti: Someone heard you cry out for help. (Paramedics take Laurie away. Isabel follows her and Dan approaches the Sheriff.) Dan: How'd you find her? Valenti: Good police work. Dan: Aw, come on. You can do better than that. What were those kids doin' out here? Valenti: Nothing. They were just along for the ride. Dan: Along for the ride? You tellin' me that you took two minors with you on a ride along? That alone is enough to get you suspended. Valenti: I'll take the suspension. You leave the kids out of this. (Hansen approaches with a small plastic bag.) Hansen: Sheriff, look at this. Valenti: Our shooter's bullets. Hansen: Yes, but there's no laceration or impact. They're in perfect shape. Dan: That's impossible, physically impossible. Thanks. Deputy, I'll take care of these. Valenti: I'm as baffled as you are. Dan: Nah, nah, you're not. You're a good cop, Jimbo, but you don't lie very well, and whatever you're coverin' up I'm going to find it out. You can count on it. (We move over to Laurie and Isabel.) Laurie: Who are you? Isabel: Isabel. Laurie: You saved my life. Thank you. (Isabel takes her hand then has a flash of blue cell like things. Laurie is loaded into the ambulance.) Max: Ready to go home? Isabel? Isabel: There's something about her, Max. Max: What do you mean? Isabel: It's like I know her. (Episode ends with them looking after the ambulance as it pulls away.)

When Isabel develops a psychic connection to a girl who has been buried alive, she races to find the teenager before it's too late. Meanwhile the FBI comes to town and starts asking questions concerning Valenti and his involvement with Max and Isabel. Kyle develops the notion that he is 'changing' because Max saved his life, and fears he isn't ready for the change. Liz's feelings for Max are intensifying and she claims she is obsessed and has him on her brain 24/7. Sean, Maria's older cousin, gets out of juvie and comes to town to stay with Amy and Maria. He sees Maria and Liz in the Crashdown and makes a flirtatious comment about Liz being all grown up. Isabel goes on a date with Grant and gets another flash from the missing girl.

fd_London_Spy_01x04

fd_London_Spy_01x04_0

Detective Taylor: A specialist escort agency for the very rich. Danny: Alex didn't use escorts. Alex: I have to buy a battery for my laptop. Danny: I stole something... from the attic. It's a locked cylinder. It needs a code. Scottie: Which you don't know? Danny: No. I've gone over every conversation, every word. Scottie: Danny, you've got to figure it out, you're the only one who can. Scottie: Did you know that I suffer from depression?! Did you know that in the past I drank?! Claire: I didn't know Alex well personally. There are not many students who start their degree at 15. Danny: He was murdered. Claire: So I take it you want to speak to his professor? Danny: Marcus Shore. Journalist: Why did they murder him? Danny: I don't know. Scottie: Whatever Alex discovered, whatever it was, whatever it is, no-one wants in the open. We're not up against one intelligence agency, we're up against them all. Danny: I need information. Scottie: What does it mean? It means we are quite alone. Rich: Get in the car. It's for you. Not here! ( Mobile phone rings ) Distorted voice: You're looking for answers. But are you ready for them? Get in the hotel. Room 116. [SCENE_BREAK] Distorted voice: The bathroom. Get in. Clothes on. Distorted voice: Now you're clean, we can talk a little freer. Get changed. Outside. [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: Where are we going? Distorted voice: Do you want to know who Alex was or not? Distorted voice: The doors are locked, Danny. No way out. No way back. I want to take you on a journey... into Alex's past. [SCENE_BREAK] Distorted voice: Remember this place? Are you sure you know what really happened in there? Walk. ( Distant laughter ) Distorted voice: A reservation. For two. ( Phone beeps ) Waitress: There you go. Menu. Doppelganger: Here I am. Alex's past. [SCENE_BREAK] Doppelganger: Well... this is weird. Never done anything like this before. Danny: Like this? What is this? Doppelganger: Being paid to tell someone how I... their boyfriend. They said you wouldn't believe me. Danny: Who are they? Doppelganger: Who are they? They are the people pulling my strings. I have no control over what I'm about to do. Like this... No control. Alex... ate breakfast here... almost every morning. Danny: You can even tell me what he liked to order? Doppelganger: What? Oh, to be convincing, you mean? Danny: You watched him? Doppelganger: Serving. Danny: A waiter? Doppelganger: Me? No. Please. I was pretending. The service... it's very expensive because the people, we... don't know that we are... escorts. Danny: How is that possible? Doppelganger: We pretend. We pretend to meet them by chance, we pretend to be won over by their charms... we pretend to... for pleasure... which takes some serious pretending. Danny: Who pays you? Doppelganger: Our clients aren't the people we... We report back. So and so... likes it like this. So and so... likes a little of this. ( He sniffs ) Danny: Blackmail? Doppelganger: But that's not my business. Danny: You just do the f*cking. Doppelganger: I just do the f*cking. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Alex gasps ) Doppelganger (O.C.): They told me to meet him... in the way you met him. Doppelganger: I'm sorry... Doppelganger (O.C.): An accident. They told me to be like you. They told me to act like you. [SCENE_BREAK] Doppelganger: In the end, Alex wasn't so tricky. He just needed to believe... he was being good... all the way up until he was being... a little bit bad. How do you seduce a good man? Doppelganger (O.C.): My approach was simple. I told him a sad story. Doppelganger: I tell him it's the will and last testament of my mother. And my mother, she never loved me, bitch. In her will, the bitch leaves just three things to me. Just three paintings. That's all. And Alex, listening like a puppy dog. And I tell him, heartbroken... they are the three paintings I painted for her. I'm an artist, I say... No, not yet an artist, aspiring to be. Danny: Pretending to be. Doppelganger: That's a true story. I am an artist. Danny: What? Doppelganger: What do you think? I grew up wanting to be an escort? Enough, Danny. Enough with not believing. What do you need? I'll give it to you? Hmm? You need those little details? A birthmark on the inside of his thigh? Something whispered? Something moaned? He had a thirst, I can tell you that. Like a man crawling out of the desert. Yeah? Throat dry. Lips dry. Gulping up all those missed years. Danny: Where? Doppelganger: My place. Danny: Your place? Doppelganger: My fake place. Danny: Why did he come round? Doppelganger: To see my paintings, of course. [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: What did you do? Doppelganger (O.C.): You hate yourself for asking. Doppelganger: So... Doppelganger (O.C.): But you had to know. Doppelganger: I'll be right back, OK? Give me a second. Doppelganger (O.C.): You had to ask... what did we do? Doppelganger: We played a game. How long can we talk without mentioning the only thing we were both thinking about? The first game lasted an hour. The second game... lasted a little longer... ( Alex pants ) [SCENE_BREAK] Doppelganger: I rang him afterwards, but he didn't answer. The client wanted more. But Alex wasn't interested. Danny: Why wouldn't you tell me that he kept coming back? Doppelganger: Because I can see you're good at sniffing a lie. So, I told you the truth. Danny: Why did they hire you? Doppelganger: I don't know, I don't care. It's just a job. Danny: He's dead. Your job. He was murdered. You think you're not involved? Because you seem like a loose end to me. Doppelganger: I was told to pay for our dinner. Danny: Hey? How else are you going to let them know what a great job you did? Doppelganger: I can see strings on you too. [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: What are you thinking? Alex: Say it again. Danny: What are you thinking? Alex: Nothing. [SCENE_BREAK] Scottie: You were Alex's first experience of love. If he enjoyed a second, would you seem less important? Could the thrill of the new replace the comfort of the old? Watergate wasn't just about bugging the opposition. They used prostitutes to collect information on rival candidates to shame them, manipulate them, destroy them. s*x has always been a means of control. In the end, your relationship became a threat to their relationship with him. He changed you, you changed him, priorities altered, loyalties altered. I noticed it in our friendship. The two of you were besotted. The rest of the world ceased to exist, but Alex was one of their most important minds. Did you imagine they'd just allow him to drift away? Danny: I didn't think about it. Scottie: It's all THEY would've thought about. What binds this brilliant young man to us? The Queen? Our history? His parents? Danny: I accept that I didn't know anything about his...work. His job. The truth is, I didn't really know him as a person either. I didn't know him. Scottie: Of all the attacks they've used, including your health, the one that has proved most effective is smut. For you, of all people. Danny: He made a mistake, that's not it. But why didn't he tell me? Some of it? Any of it? Scottie: Because you wanted him to be perfect. He saw that more clearly than you. [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: It was his funeral last week. Do you know how I found out? I heard about it on the news. He was buried at a private ceremony for... close friends and family. Scottie: I can't count how many men I've comforted when their partners were dying and the family wouldn't allow them into the hospital, or the church where they're buried. I'm tired of it... tired of hearing about it. He wasn't close to his parents, he was close to you. Hold your own funeral, say your own goodbye. Danny: That's what I should be doing. Saying goodbye. [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: What am I doing all this other stuff for? Because Alex discovered some government secret? So what? Cos they lied about a war? They spy on us? Who..? What's it got to do with me? [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: And you know, I don't know any code. I don't. Danny (O.C.): So, I don't know... Danny: Maybe, whatever those secrets are, maybe they weren't meant for me. Scottie: Then, that's that. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Distant seagulls ) Danny: Do you believe in soul mates? Alex: No. Not only do I not believe in them... it's not even a nice idea. Danny: Not a nice idea? Alex: That there's only just one other person out there for you. What are the odds this person would be in the same country? Or the same city? That their paths would even cross? It would mean almost everyone in the world is with the wrong person. If it's a way of saying, "we're good together", why not just say... "we're good together"? But if you mean it literally... Danny: You think there are better people out there for you? Alex: There might be. For both of us. But since we don't know them, it's just a theoretical. Danny: Yes. It's... a sentimental idea. The maths doesn't add up. But... we're by the fire, we're under a night sky. Couldn't you just have said "yes"? Alex: Is that what your soul mate would've done? [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: Can it be opened? Silversmith: If you know the code. [SCENE_BREAK] Alex: This is us. Danny: Oh, I've done a lot of things with a lot of different people and... that's part of the reason I'm sure... that we're something special. But, for you, it... I don't want you to stay with me just because I'm the first. So, you should see other people. You should. Alex: I don't want to. Danny: I only meant... Alex: I don't need to. Alex: .. that there's only just one other person out there for you. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Dog barks ) ( Doorbell rings ) Danny: Scottie? Scottie?! Scottie? ( Faint murmuring ) Danny: Scottie?! Scottie? Scottie: I was just remembering. Danny: Huh? Scottie: A place. I was remembering... a place. Danny: Right, we need to get you to the hospital. Scottie: Will you just listen to me, for once, Danny?! Danny: You were remembering... a place. Scottie: A place where no-one cares. Pathetic. [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: Thank you. Scottie: My parents used to chide me. "You were such a happy child." Danny: How long? Scottie: Like this? Three weeks. Worse and worse each day. Now as bad as it's ever been. It can't be coincidence, can it? 30 years I've been OK and, now, like this? Danny: Why might someone who's managed depression for 30 years suddenly suffer a relapse? For no reason? [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: This is what we're going to do. We'll get new pills. Real pills from a different doctor. You can keep them on you at all... Unless they switch them before they give them to you. I'll get them illegally. I know someone. He can get anything. Scottie: On your shell. Until they find a crack. A frailty. A vulnerability. No matter how small. And then they pick away. Scottie: How do you kill an alcoholic? With alcohol. How do you kill a drug addict? With drugs. How do you kill a depressive? Danny: Where'd you get them? Dealer: People tell the doctor whatever story, collect a prescription, sell it to me. They're good. It's all good. Always good from me. Do you want something else? Danny: No. Nothing else. [SCENE_BREAK] Scottie: Thank you. Have you examined the contents? Danny: We're going to need help. Scottie: With help comes risk. The more people you involve... Look what they've done to us. That was before they knew we had this. Danny: I can do this alone. Scottie: There are rumours. About how the... Kremlin guarantees the loyalty of its most important citizens. Under the pretext of celebrating an election to the State Duma, the individual is treated to the finest meal Moscow has to offer. At some point during that night... this prized individual blacks out... waking in a hotel suite, on a bed, beside a terrified naked child. Before he can say anything, the FSB storm the room, arrest him, and take him to an interrogation cell in Moscow's Butyrka prison, where the individual swears he is not a paedophile. "My drink must have been spiked!" "I, I've been framed by my enemies!" He doesn't know. He can't explain. "But it is a mistake!" And, to his surprise... the FSB officer agrees that it is a mistake, but it is a mistake they will hold on record forever, a mistake no-one will ever see, unless... the individual makes a mistake of a political kind. And, with that, the man's choice is clear - privilege or disgrace. Destruction or survival. The FSB officer believes he's won. The individual believes he's lost. But those systems of oppression... as ruthless as they appear, as unbeatable as they seem, never hold, never last, never survive, for we will not live in fear. I would like to finish this particular adventure with you, Daniel Edward Holt. If you'll have me. [SCENE_BREAK] Scottie (O.C.): We're being watched. We will be followed. So we separate. Shake them off. And meet up at a place... where no-one can follow us without revealing themselves. Danny: The place where no-one cares? Scottie: I've always taken comfort from the idea that people don't care. That they have better things to think about, that there are more important matters to worry about. I like it when people walk past me and couldn't care less what I'm wearing, or whose hand I'm holding. The place where no-one cares. When I was young, I spent a lot of time searching for it, and I promised myself, if I ever found it, if it ever existed, that's where I'd make my home. [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: What do you think? Scottie: Ambition. But no conviction. You skip from short stories to lyrics, from poems to sketches, hoping the world will tell you who you are. You must tell the world. Claire: There you are. Scottie: Well done. Danny: You weren't followed? Claire: Well, I hope not. Scottie: So, will Marcus help us? Claire: He didn't say. Keep back, and then that gives you your 'B' for 'Baritone'. Oh, I see - no, four, of course. Scottie: Yes. Claire: And that's got... Danny: Where did you two meet? Scottie: Cambridge. Claire: We shared a flat. I was the first person he shared the secret of his sexuality with. Scottie: At that time, it was illegal. And there were rumours. Claire: So, then, I...agreed to play the part of...his lover. And we walked around arm in arm, and we... had picnics in the scholar's garden and... it was supposed to last about two months or so. Scottie: It lasted two years. Danny: Are you gay? Claire: No. Danny: Did you see other people? Claire: No. Scottie: I tried to become the man I was pretending to be. You know, I prayed for the right kind of desire? A sham romance, you might say. Claire: No. Scottie: No, no. We're friends. We have been ever since. We can't be sad about that. I refuse to be sad about that. Marcus: It's all very touching. Claire: Marcus... This is Danny, Alex's partner. And Scottie. Marcus: Where is it? Danny: Cheers. Marcus: You didn't know, did you? How smart he was? Danny: I knew. Marcus: But not really. Danny: Not in the way you did, no. Marcus: His partner... without any appreciation of his intellect. Beyond some generalised idea that he was good with numbers. Love without knowledge. Popular culture might depict that as a romantic notion, I suppose. Danny: He never spoke about his work. Marcus: What did you talk about? Danny: Everything else. Marcus: I see. No, I don't. I don't see at all. Danny: Well, what did you two talk about? Outside of work? Marcus: We didn't. Look, try to understand, I was sure, absolutely certain that he was going to change the world in some way. Not my world. THE world. Can you imagine the enormity of that feeling? Being in the company of someone like that? Danny: We knew different people. Marcus: Hmm. The man I knew was exceptional. The man you knew was not. Danny: The... Marcus: Unless you're going to tell me how many sugars he took in his tea, or how he liked to be f*cked. Are these the details that define us? Danny: I think that... being admired is lonely. Marcus: You're right, I'm sure. But that was the price he had to pay. The ordinary world wasn't for him. And his flirtation with it... was always going to end badly. Danny: Professor? I miss him, too. Marcus: He did it. The 9/11 attackers sent e-mails using pre-arranged code words. "The Faculty Of Urban Planning" was the World Trade Center. The, uh, The Pentagon was "The Faculty Of Fine Arts". Mohammed Atta's final message to the other terrorists referred to their semesters beginning in three weeks at the faculties of Urban Planning and Fine Arts. Two e-mails. In this one, "zoo" means zoo. In this one, it means airport. How do you tell them apart? When... people... who go to the zoo also visit... museums. They watch animated movies. Buy children's clothes. And donate... to animal charities. Convert our entire online history into numbers, and a visit to the zoo... looks... like this. A coded message looks... like this. The 9/11 terrorists used innocent words, but they didn't use them like the rest of us. We like to think of ourselves as individuals. But we're not. We're a pattern. We are... married, gay... straight, professional, rich, poor. Our online DNA, revealing... our true nature... even... when we lie. I told him he would change the world. I just didn't tell him how dangerous it would be. Alex decided to apply his concept to speech. Words don't occur in isolation. They're part of a series of actions. Your intake of breath, facial gestures, pupil dilation, hand movements. Alex theorised they formed patterns, and these patterns would be different if we were telling the truth or telling a lie. Claire: A lie detector? Scottie: Important lies are told by important people. Marcus: They'd never consent to a test of any kind. Alex didn't need their consent. They've already provided all the information. The most important people in the world are also the most documented. Study every word they've ever spoken. Mundane, profound - it doesn't matter. Analyse every variable possible. Translate that information into numbers, and identify the patterns. A fingerprint... for our truths and our lies. Claire: We'd be able to analyse every statement. Marcus: Every political claim. Er, every case for war. Every court case verdict. Scottie: The end of lies. Marcus: If the four of us survive a week, I'd be very surprised. Marcus: You're a thoroughly nice guy, aren't you, Danny? So was Alex. For all his intellect, an innocent, really. When he told me he was going to work for GCHQ, I knew it was a mistake. He didn't belong in that world. And I could feel him wanting me to tell him so. Danny: Why didn't you say something? Marcus: We didn't have that kind of a relationship. I take it you have some kind of plan? Scottie: We must prove it works. [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: You don't have a plan, do you? Scottie: No. He needed to believe I did. And we need him. You see? Proof - the orderly functioning of society depends on our ability to lie. Given the choice of no lies, or lies, every organization, every person of power, without exception, will choose lies. Danny: Maybe Alex imagined a better way of doing things. Scottie: I wonder when he began work on this project. Danny: Why does that matter? Scottie: Maybe he was ashamed of the lies he'd told you. Ashamed that your relationship was built on lies. Maybe on some level, he thought he was making amends. Danny: To who? Scottie: To you. [SCENE_BREAK] Scottie: Danny! Danny: I'm to blame. Scottie: I'm sorry. Danny: I'm to blame. Scottie: I never said "to blame". Danny: He did it for me? Scottie: It's possible. Danny: I never asked for it. Scottie: He knew you'd find out that he'd lied about much of his life. He must have worried that you'd end up hating him. He must have worried about that moment every day. Would you still love him if you knew? Could you still love him if you knew? Would you re-examine your love story - Alex's only love story... and decide, in the end, it was nothing but a lie? Danny: He was never sure. Scottie: How could he be? Danny: I wish I could've told him. That none of it mattered. The lies, the mistakes. That I loved him, just the same. That I, I love him. Still. Now. Knowing it all. I wish he could've heard me say it. Scottie: Yes. Danny: He'll never know. Scottie: No. [SCENE_BREAK] Danny: This is going to sound a, a bit... But...it occurred to me I'd never said it out loud before. I love you. Very much. [SCENE_BREAK] Detective Taylor: You're not going to be charged. Danny: Is that it? Detective Taylor: You're free to go. Danny: You brought me here like this to tell me that? Will anyone be charged? Detective Taylor: Danny... for you... this is over. Danny: This isn't over. This isn't over. [SCENE_BREAK] ( Applause ) ( Phone rings ) Danny: Scottie? Scottie: Danny. Danny... Danny: Scottie? Scottie: There will be a note. ( Applause ) ( He begins to cry )

The phone directs Danny to a meeting with a man who says he is an escort, hired to seduce Alex. Danny was not invited to Alex's funeral, so goes to a beach, burns what possessions he has of Alex, and scatters the ashes into the sea. He recalls talking there to Alex about being "the one" for each other. He tries "0000001" for the code cylinder and it opens, revealing a USB plug. He and Scottie meet Alex's professor who tells them it contains research on a method of determining if someone is lying from their speech patterns. The police tell Danny he will not be charged with Alex's murder, he responds that "This isn't over". Scottie calls him from a locked cab, telling him "There will be a note". Danny runs to the park they met in earlier and finds Scottie's body hanging from a tree.

fd_One_Tree_Hill_05x18

fd_One_Tree_Hill_05x18_0

RED BEDROM RECORD Jamie is sitting at the piano singing "I don't want to be" with David Degraw himself besides him DAVID : Let me take this part. (David Degraw sings alone) DAVID : You're a cute kid. JAMIE : Thank you. DAVID : You're welcome. OUTSIDE LUCAS' HOUSE We see news papers throw at his door. Few days has passed INSIDE CLUB TRIC We see Lucas drinking in different clothes. IN THE STREET We see water balloons throw everywhere IN THE HOSPITAL Dan is at Reverend Carter bedside BROOKE AND PEYTON'S HOUSE Brooke is looking at a board that says Angie has 8 more days with her. Then she goes play with her BROOKE : Hey, you. Whatcha got there? What's that? THE APARTMENT We see Deb sneaking out of Skills' bedroom MOUTH'S OFFICE Mouth's boss is disregarding him NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Haley is waking up and finds Chester besides her instead of Nathan TREE HILL GYM Nathan is practicing alone NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Jamie is standing in front of the pool OUTSIDE CLOTHES OVER BROS Millicent arrives at work, avoiding water balloons, and looks at the roof before entering the store. She seems annoyed. LUCAS' BEDROOM Jamie is in front of Lucas who's still asleep, with a pillow over his head JAMIE : I think you drink too much. LUCAS : I think you're right. NATHAN : Damn. Think somebody got thrown through a plate-Glass window. Dude, it seriously smells like ass in here. JAMIE : And rotten cheese. LUCAS : Go away. JAMIE : Ew, and bad breath. LUCAS : I said, "go away." (Lucas throws away the pillow and we find out that he has a mohawk) JAMIE : Ho... NATHAN : Holy crap. LUCAS : What? NATHAN : Have you seen your head? LUCAS : Not lately. NATHAN : You have a mohawk. LUCAS : I do? (Jamie jumps on the bed and plays with Lucas' mohawk) JAMIE : Awesome. Can I get one, daddy? NATHAN : Sure, if you want to look goofy like your uncle Lucas. JAMIE : Kind of like he has a tail... just on his head. NATHAN : Jamie, why don't you go get Luke a bottle of water, huh? JAMIE : Okay. (Jamie leaves the room) NATHAN : I thought we were gonna see you at that school-Board hearing. LUCAS : Yeah. NATHAN : They suspended you, Luke. 10 games. LUCAS : There's only 11 left. NATHAN : Not for you. (Jamie comes back with the bottle) JAMIE : Here you go! NATHAN : All right, Jamie. Let's get going. JAMIE : Okay. Bye, uncle Lucas. Cool hair. (Jamie goes outside) NATHAN (to Jamie) : Wait for me right there, okay? (Nathan closes the door) NATHAN : Look, Luke... I know from experience whatever answers you're looking for... You're not gonna find them like this... Trust me. I know it sucks that Lindsey's dating, And it sucks that you grabbed that player, but don't make it worse. The darkness doesn't have any answers, Luke. BROOKE AND PEYTON'S HOUSE Brooke is in bikini, ready to go to the beach with Angie BROOKE : Okay, you silly rabbit. We're going to the beach. Yes, we are. Just me and my funny bunny. Did you hear that? Did you hear what I called you? Did you hear what mama... (Brooke stops, surprised by what she's just said. Then the phone rings) BROOKE (on the phone) : Hello? Yes, this is she. But... there must be some mistake. She has eight days left... But she's recovering from surgery, so... No, I understand... Okay. Bye-Bye. (Brooke hangs up) BROOKE (to Angie) : They want you to go home today. But that can't happen. LUCAS' BEDROOM Lucas is looking at his mohawk in the mirror when Haley walks in HALEY : Oh, well, well. What...what is all this LUCAS : Not sure. HALEY : I would laugh if this whole thing wasn't such a mess. LUCAS : What whole mess? HALEY : You, your head... All of it. You and I are going for a drive. But, first, we're gonna fix the ferret above your face. LUCAS : Why? HALEY : We're taking a drive because I'm your best friend and you need me. And we are fixing your... Very punk-Rock haircut because I have a 5-Year-Old son who unfortunately wants to look just like his uncle Lucas. (Lucas sits on the chair and Haley starts shaving his head) NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Nathan and Jamie are watching a basketball game on TV. Jamie has a mohawk too JAMIE : So, how's the comeback going? NATHAN : It's not a comeback. JAMIE : Quentin says it is. NATHAN : Quentin's wrong. And, by the way, nobody's sporting the faux hawk anymore, dude. JAMIE : I'm bringing it back. (Jamie makes a shoot in his small hoop with rolled-up socks) JAMIE : So, what team do you think you're gonna play for in the NBA? NATHAN : Jamie, come here... I know you're really excited about this, but... I'm probably never gonna play in the NBA. JAMIE : Sure, you will. NATHAN : Geez, kiddo. You're playing with rolled-Up socks? What happened to your ball? JAMIE : I lost it... I got to go feed Chester (Jamie leaves) INSIDE LUCAS' CAR Haley is with Lucas, who's driving. HALEY : I got to ask you something. Did you tell Peyton that you hated her? LUCAS : Maybe. I was a little wasted. HALEY : Luke, you can be such a jackass sometimes. She is in love with you. You probably broke her heart. LUCAS : Oh, I didn't break her heart. You're being dramatic. HALEY : I'm being dramatic. Stop here. LUCAS : The light's green. HALEY : Just stop. LUCAS : All right. We're sitting at a green light. Now what? (People starts honking) HALEY : Just wait for it. LUCAS : Haley, the light's green! Wait for what?! (At this time, a red water balloon smashed the windshield) HALEY : Kind of like Peyton's heart, don't you think? I'll be right back. You shouldn't stay here. (Haley leaves the car) LUCAS : Okay. THE ROOF OF CLOTHES OVER BROS Peyton is looking at the street, Haley arrives. HALEY : Hey. PEYTON : You said it made you feel better. HALEY : It's gonna be okay. Haley is alone, taking their predictions from the wall. When she's done, Lucas arrives. HALEY : All right. All clear, you goof. LUCAS : No Peyton? HALEY : No. You need to apologize to her. LUCAS : Hey, remember all the water-Balloon battles we used to have up here? HALEY : Don't change the subject. Actually, now that you mention it, it was junior year, the boy-Toy auction. We had that water-Balloon fight up here, and you saw my tattoo of Nathan's jersey number for the first time. LUCAS : You mean your slutty little tramp stamp. HALEY : I am so barely your friend right now. LUCAS : Sorry. HALEY : The point is, I was so scared that night. I was falling in love for the first time, and I was so unsure. But I did it. And while it hasn't been easy, it has been everything. (After a blank) HALEY : We're not kids anymore, Luke. You know... It really hurts me to watch what you're doing. LUCAS : Lindsey said no, Hales, I said yes. HALEY : Don't give me that, Luke. I'm being honest with you right now, and you need to be honest with yourself. What do you want? If Lindsey's the girl that you're in love with, great. If it's Peyton, great. If it's Brooke, just please... Stop hiding your heart... I mean it. (Haley leaves him alone) MOUTH'S OFFICE Millicent comes to see Mouth MILLICENT : Hi. How's your day? MOUTH : Well, I cleaned the bathroom, washed the news van, returned some shoes for the weather lady because apparently the straps cut into her "cankles," and they hired a new sports guy... Steve. MILLICENT : How about I buy you some lunch? Come on. THE HOSPITAL Dan arrives with flowers in Reverend Carter's room, who's unconscious DAN : Reverend Howard Carter. I did a little research. Man of faith, lived a good life. Tough run, though. Diabetes, stroke. You know, it's not exactly benevolent of you to lie there and take a heart that could be put to better use. In fact, it's really quite selfish. Don't you agree? (Dan grabs his head and makes him nod) DAN : "Yeah, I agree. Yes, I do." (A nurse enters the room) NURSE : Morning. DAN : Good morning. The reverend was looking a little uncomfortable. NURSE : Would you like to give him this pillow? DAN : Actually... I just might. NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Nathan is watching by the terrace door. Deb comes home discreetly behind him NATHAN : Hey, look. It's my mom doing the walk of shame. Maybe we should hire a nanny for you. Out with a guy you met on a p0rn site. DEB : Not p0rn... Erotica. (Deb goes to her room and Nathan goes outside, where he finds Jamie's ball, inside the pool) Nathan comes to see Jamie in his room, who's with Chester NATHAN : Hey, buddy. Thought you might want to go for a swim. JAMIE : No, thanks. NATHAN : It's been a while. I don't think I've seen you in the pool since your accident. JAMIE : It's okay. I have to feed Chester. NATHAN : Jamie, are you afraid? JAMIE : No. I just don't want to. NATHAN : Are you sure? It might be fun. JAMIE : No, thank you. (Nathan puts Jamie's ball on his bed before leaving) DR COPELAND'S OFFICE Dr Copeland examines Angie COPELAND : Well, I think I found the problem. BROOKE : You did? COPELAND : Yes. Uh, you have an incredibly cute baby here, and you don't want to send her home. BROOKE : But are you sure she's well enough? COPELAND : Brooke, Angie's tough days are over, okay? And she was very brave about them. It's time for you to be brave. BROOKE : But I was supposed to have eight more days with her. We were supposed to go to the beach. COPELAND : Well, that's how the program works. They take the first flight available. Anyway, look, um... When the silence sets in... And it will... Be proud of this. Okay? You've done a great thing here, Brooke. But it's time for Angie to go home... Today. BROOKE : Yeah. TREE HILL GYM Nathan is practicing with Quentin. Jamie is watching QUENTIN : So you got something for me, man? NATHAN : Just shut up and check the ball, "Q." QUENTIN : Oh... Crossover's a little rusty, son. Huh? Fake this guy. Ha ha ha. Where that a.C.C. Game at, Nate? Hmm? First-Team all-American? NBA lottery? Huh? Ugh, up out of here, man. (Nathan tries to make a shot but Quentin stops it) NATHAN : Damn it! QUENTIN : The fadeaway, Nate? Really? Are you serious? The fadeaway is weak, man! Weak! Come on, man. Let's go again. NATHAN : No, man. I'm not feeling today. I'm done. QUENTIN : Hey, J. Scott... Why don't you run out in the hallway and get us some waters? JAMIE : Okay. (Jamie starts going) QUENTIN : Hey. You see any hot psycho nannies out there, You run back in here, okay? JAMIE : Not funny. (Jamie leaves) QUENTIN : What's going on, Nate? NATHAN : I'm just out of shape. QUENTIN : No, man. That ain't it. That is not it. Now, every day we do this, and every day you play soft. NATHAN : Well, maybe that's because I can't do this anymore. QUENTIN : Really? Maybe you just scared to, right? Huh? Easier to have your dream taken away than give it a shot and fail, right? NATHAN : I'm not scared. QUENTIN : Right? You not scared? Well, you playing scared. NATHAN : I'm not scared. QUENTIN : You playing scared! NATHAN (yelling) : I am not scared, man! (Jamie comes back and hears his father yelling. Nathan sees him) NATHAN'S CAR Jamie and Nathan get in the car after practice. Nathan is still angry JAMIE : I'm... I'm afraid to go in the pool, daddy. NATHAN : Yeah, but, uh... You went in the pool all the time before your accident, Jamie, and you loved it. You know you can still do it. JAMIE : I know. I'm just...scared. (After a blank) JAMIE : It's okay if you don't play anymore. NATHAN : Thanks, son. PEYTON'S OFFICE Haley enters the office. HALEY : I'm dying here. (Peyton doesn't answer) HALEY : You okay? PEYTON : Huh? Yeah. Uh, I-I just got a weird e-Mail from Mia saying she met this guy out on tour that said he knew Ellie. So it just caught me off guard... How come you're dying? HALEY : Oh, because I'm having trouble writing lyrics for this melody that you liked. PEYTON : Okay, what do you got so far? HALEY : So far I've got nothing. PEYTON : All right. How about... "I hate you, bitch. You ruined my life"? Does that do anything for you? HALEY : You know what? I do have some words for you, even though they're not mine. Lucas and I, we used to write our predictions every year before the school year started. Sort of what we hoped would happen. PEYTON : Lame. HALEY : You know you're jealous. PEYTON : Kind of. HALEY : Anyway, I'm gonna violate my friendship rule here because you're at, like, code red. (Peyton starts reading) HALEY : "Peyton sawyer will become Peyton Scott." That was, like, eighth grade. He got a little cocky sophomore year. "Make out with Peyton sawyer... or more." And, "this year, I'll talk to Peyton Sawyer." "Try again with Brooke... Brooke Davis." (Both laugh) HALEY : Well, that... But, you know, this is how much he doesn't hate you. It's a whole lifetime's worth. PEYTON : I know. I know. That's... That's what he writes. But what he says is a totally different story. HALEY : Sometimes people write the things that they can't say. LUCAS' BEDROOM Lucas is putting parts of license plates on his wall. Someone knocks at the door. LUCAS : Come on in. It's open. (Lindsey comes in) LINDSEY : Hi. LUCAS : Hi. (Lindsey is looking at what Lucas was doing) LINDSEY : This is nice, Luke. LUCAS : Lindsey, what are you doing here? LINDSEY : Uh... I needed to talk to you about something, but... You wouldn't answer your phone. LUCAS : You look good. LINDSEY : You look hung over. LUCAS : Yeah, well... There's a girl I almost married started dating again. And after that, well, things just kind of went dark. (He laughs) LINDSEY : The book's done. LUCAS : Oh, come on. The... The ending needs work. I haven't even written a dedication yet. LINDSEY : You can e-Mail the dedication. (After a blank) LINDSEY : The book's done, Luke. It's perfect. So... I think this is goodbye. And goodbye shouldn't happen over the phone. (She kisses him on the check and starts leaving) LUCAS : Lindsey... Do you ever miss me? LINDSEY : I should go. (Lindsey leaves. We see Lucas' phone vibrating on the bureau, it's a voice mail from Brooke) BROOKE AND PEYTON'S HOUSE Brooke is leaving the house with Angie and all her stuffs. She lets drop the purple monkey on her way out NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Nathan comes to see Jamie in his bedroom NATHAN : What you doing, buddy? JAMIE : Looking at your trophies. NATHAN : You know, someday, you're gonna have your own trophies. JAMIE : Think so? NATHAN : Oh, yeah. I know so. Trophies, awards... Maybe even a monument. And then maybe someday you'll have a son of your own that's even greater than any award or accomplishment. Come here. Don't be afraid to be great, son. Okay? 'Cause you are. And the world isn't strong enough to beat James Lucas Scott. I promise. We love you. MOUTH'S OFFICE Millicent and Mouth come back from lunch. They walk by a new guy STEVE : Hi, I'm Steve, the new sports guy. MILLICENT : Hi, Steve. That's the better sports guy. OUTSIDE NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE We see Jamie in his swim suit putting on his wings THE HOSPITAL Dan is at Reverend Carter bedside DAN : The truth is, I'm scared, okay? The countdown's on. And I've got to wait for this damn beeper to go off before I can get a heart... After you get one. You're the one who's lived a good life. I'm the one who needs time to make amends. So why don't you just take one for the team, huh? And if you do... I'll use my time for redemption. Okay? (Nothing happens) DAN : You suck, Carter. THE AIRPORT Brooke is about to let go Angie BROOKE : I love you, little girl, and I always will, okay? You're gonna have a great life. Don't forget me, okay? (Angie is crying. Brooke too) OUTSIDE NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Nathan and Haley are watching Jamie jumping in the pool JAMIE : I'm James Lucas Scott! (Nathan and Haley joins him in the pool) THE AIRPORT Angie is gone, Brooke turns around and sees Lucas BROOKE : You got my message. (Lucas nods) BROOKE : I told you not to come. LUCAS : I know. BROOKE : She's gone, Luke. LUCAS : I know. (Lucas takes her in his arms. Brooke burst into tears) OUTSIDE NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE We see Nathan and Haley playing with Jamie in the pool THE RIVERCOURT We see Peyton painting a message MOUTH'S OFFICE We see Mouth kissing Millicent THE HOSPITAL We see Dan taking off the Reverend's oxygen mask and then looking at Jamie's note he had in his pocket. OUTSIDE NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE They are all three still in the pool NATHAN : You did it, buddy. I knew you could. Come here. All right, you ready? JAMIE : Yeah! NATHAN : One... two, three. (Nathan throws Jamie) THE HOSPITAL Dan is holding a pillow in front of the Reverend, thinking of choking him. Then he changes his mind and just put the pillow under the Reverend head. DAN : Okay, Carter... It's up to you. But sometimes a guy just needs a sign there's some hope for him, you know? (Dan shows Carter Jamie's note) DAN : Hope. THE AIRPORT We see Lucas and Brooke leaving the airport MOUTH'S OFFICE Millicent and Mouth are alone in an office MOUTH : Thanks for the lunch, and telling the new sports guy off. But I should probably get back to being shunned. MILLICENT : I'm sorry it's so hard for you now. MOUTH : You know something? I stand by what I did. Luke was really hurting, and it just felt insidious somehow to broadcast that pain. (Jerry interrupts them) JERRY : Mouth, how many men's basketball championships has UCLA... MOUTH : Eleven (Jerry leaves) MOUTH : I don't know what to do now. MILLICENT : Omaha. MOUTH : Not without you. MILLICENT : Then I'll go, too. MOUTH : Really? You'd go with me? MILLICENT : Yes. I'd go anywhere with you, Marvin Mcfadden. (She kisses him) BROOKE AND PEYTON'S HOUSE We see Brooke sitting on her couch alone, sad, holding the purple monkey THE RIVERCOURT Lucas lights up the court and is surprised when he sees Peyton's drawing. A comet and few sentences "I will always love you - Peyton" INSIDE NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Jamie comes from the pool, followed by Deb. Haley is writing and Nathan is ready to go practie DEB : Jamie, you're tracking water all over the house! I can't get him out of that pool now. NATHAN : Dude, dry off and get your jersey on. We're going back to the gym. JAMIE : We are?! NATHAN : Yeah. Nathan and Jamie Scott. (Jamie leaves and Deb still follows him) DEB : Oh, Jamie! (Haley comes toward Nathan) HALEY : You know what? You still make my heart race. (Nathan laughs) HALEY : You do. I'm serious. Feel this. (She presses his hand against her chest) HALEY : And my heart is so full of pride and love and joy right now because of you. (They almost kiss but her cell phone rings) HALEY : It's my other boy. (He kisses her) NATHAN : All right. I'll see you. I love you. (He leaves) HALEY (on the phone) : Hey. THE RIVERCOURT Lucas is sitting on the court. Haley joins him HALEY : Wow. Very Peyton. (Lucas nods) LUCAS : Lindsey stopped by today. HALEY : She's here? LUCAS : Uh, not anymore. I had to go see Brooke. HALEY : The trifecta. How nice. What did Lindsey want? LUCAS : She wanted to tell me that my book's done. Well, everything except the dedication. She said I could e-Mail that to her. (After a blank) LUCAS : I'm thinking about... Taking off for a little while, you know? HALEY : Lucas, please stop running. Come on... You got to let go of this dark weight you're carrying around. LUCAS : This morning... Nathan told me the darkness doesn't have any answers. HALEY : He's right. You saw him after his accident. And look at him now. LUCAS : Yeah. HALEY : You know that romantic notion that all the garbage and the pain Is actually really healing and beautiful and sort of poetic? It's not. It's just garbage, and it's pain. You know what's better? Love. The day that you start thinking that love is overrated is the day that you are wrong. The only thing wrong with love and faith and belief... Is not having it. THE AIRPORT Lindsey is on the phone WOMAN : hey, they want to do a conference call about the Lucas Scott galleys. LINDSEY : Okay, just, uh, have them call my cell. And then you should take off. Thanks. WOMAN : Hey, Lindsey, did you tell him? LINDSEY : No. Bye. (She hangs up and looks at her messages. She reads the dedication Lucas sent to her:"...to all those lost souls who have forgotten to believe in the immensity of love". Then she calls Lucas, crying, but reaches his voice mail) LINDSEY (to the voice mail) : Hi, Luke. Just got your dedication... and... I guess I'm one of those lost souls because... I lied to you. I said I was seeing someone, and I wasn't. The truth is... I was afraid of the immensity of your love, and I thought... Well, I just wanted you to know... You asked me if I miss you. Of course I miss you. That's all I do. THE RIVERCOURT Lucas is still there, alone, and he is on the phone. Probably with his voice mail BROOKE AND PEYTON'S HOUSE Brooke is still sitting on the couch. Lucas enters. LUCAS : Hi. BROOKE : Hi. They're supposed to call me as soon as Angie's home safe. LUCAS : Where's Peyton? BROOKE : I don't know. Probably at work. I didn't tell her Angie was leaving for sure. LUCAS : And you told me not to come to the airport. Why? BROOKE : I don't like you guys to see me like this... Vulnerable. LUCAS : That's how I always see you, Brooke. And I think it's kind of beautiful. You know, um... I've been thinking about all the things you've done for... Angie and Rachel and me and... All kinds of people. You save people, Brooke Davis. It's what you do. Thanks for letting me share that. (After a blank) LUCAS : You call me when she's home safe, okay? (Lucas starts leaving) BROOKE : Hey, Luke. We've been through a lot... Me and you. I wouldn't have made it through today or a couple other days without you. So, thanks. LUCAS : You're welcome. BROOKE : This is for you. (She gives him the purple monkey) BROOKE : I love you, Lucas Scott. You know that? LUCAS : I love you, too, Brooke Davis. MOUTH'S OFFICE It's the rush at the studio, they're about to be on air BILL, MOUTH'S BOSS : Okay, come on, guys! Let's go! Let's go! Come on, come on, come on! Rick, where are your pants?! RICK : Coffee accident. BILL : Well, we can get them at the break. Jerry, we're gonna lead with the UCLA signing. Where is it? JERRY : Right here. BILL :All right. Let's get it done. (Jerry holds the paper to Steve) JERRY : You're all set. STEVE : I'm good. I got the prompter. JERRY : Uh, you sure? STEVE : Watch and be amazed. BILL :Okay, guys. Countdown begins. GUY : In 5, 4, 3, 2... Cue music. Go, camera one. Graphic out. And cue anchor. RICK : Good evening. I'm rick hunter. And this is the channel 11 evening news. It's national letter of intent day for big-Time college basketball programs. And Steve Gold is here with news of a local signing. Steve. STEVE : That's right, rick, big news out of masonboro, where local phenom shane Dorset has committed to play on the west coast at UCLA. BILL (to Mouth) : Could have been you. STEVE : Obviously the local powerhouses were disappointed, but Dorset cited UCLA's once proud legacy... (Steve stops as the prompter turns off) GUY : What's that? JERRY : The prompter's down. GUY : Uh, go to rick. GUY 2 : I-I don't think you want to do that. (We see Rick trying to put his pants on) GUT : Uh, have him fill. Steve, fill. STEVE (uncomfortable) : Um, as many of you know, UCLA's mascot is a bruin, um, which is kind of a cute bear. GUY : Oh, for god's sake! Where's the prompter?! JERRY : It's not up yet. BILL : Should we go to commercial? (Mouth takes the earphone) MOUTH (to Steve) : All right, say exactly what I say: "Dorset cited UCLA's legacy". (Steve is listening to his earphone) MOUTH : Just look at the camera and say, "Dorset cited UCLA's legacy." STEVE : Dorset cited UCLA's legacy. MOUTH : The bruins have 11 men's ncaa basketball championships... STEVE : The bruins have 11 men's ncaa basketball championships... MOUTH : ...which is more than any other school... STEVE : ...which is more than any other school... MOUTH : ...They won seven consecutive titles from 1966o 1974. STEVE : ...They won seven consecutive titles from 1966 to 1974... MOUTH : A streak that was broken by North Carolina state In one of the greatest final-Four games of all time. Of course, sports fans may remember the last big area signing was Tree Hill's Nathan Scott, who played locally at Tree Hill High, Gilmore College, and was ultimate a first-Team all-American at the university of Maryland... STEVE : ...and ultimately was a first-Team all-American... MOUTH : We'll be back after this. I'm... Say your name. STEVE : We'll be back after this. I'm say your name. GUY : And we're out. (Mouth gets a standing ovation. Everybody applause) MOUTH : Thank you. And for my encore... I quit. (Mouth leaves) PEYTON'S OFFICE Peyton is on the phone PEYTON : And it's the same guy that said he knew Ellie. Oh, Mia, if you see him tonight, can you have him call me? (Lucas enters the room) PEYTON : Hey, I got to go, okay? Bye. (She hangs up) LUCAS : I don't hate you. I remember the first time I ever saw you... All skinny arms and... Tangle mess of hair. It was hard letting you go, Peyton. You know, it... It was hard losing you, Peyton and it was hard seeing you again. And it's...still... Really hard. PEYTON : I know. While I'm asleep, I have this dream where... We're back in that hotel room in LA, and you proposed to me. And every single time, I say yes. LUCAS : It's just a dream, right? PEYTON : It's my dream. (Peyton is crying) LUCAS' BEDROOM We see Lucas finishing decorating his wall. He made the United States shape with license plates. Then he takes a bag and leaves the house RED BEDROOM STUDIO We see Haley recording her new song THE AIRPORT We see Lucas about to leave Tree Hill THE HOSPITAL Dan enters Reverend Carter's room, but the room is empty. A nurse enters the room NURSE : I'm sorry. He... They did all they could. DAN : I'd like to send flowers. NURSE : Well, if you want to leave your name and number... My name is Dan Scott, and my number is 1. TREE HILL GYM Nathan is practicing with Quentin again. Jamie is watching QUENTIN : Come on, Nate. NBA's a pipe dream, boy. You might as well give it on up. JAMIE : Come on, dad. You can do it. (Nathan finally makes a dunk) QUENTIN : My god. What the hell was that? NATHAN : I don't know. I just... I can do this. (Nathan laughs) NATHAN (to Jamie) : We gonna do this. OUTSIDE THE HOSPITAL Dan is leaving the hospital, smiling, when an old man drops his cane. DAN : Oh, got it. (Dan gives it to him) DAN : Here you go. Let me give you a hand here. There you go. You folks be careful. You could get yourself killed out here. (Dan starts stepping back when he is hit by a car. Lying on the floor, his pager goes off) THE AIRPORT Lucas is sitting at the airport, thinking BROOKE (at her house) : Hello? PEYTON (in her office) : Hello? LINDSEY (in a cab) : Hello? Lucas is on the phone LUCAS : Hey, it's me. Look, I'm at the airport, and I've got two tickets to Las Vegas. Do you want to get married tonight?

Brooke is emotional about giving Angie back. Lucas deals with the aftermath of his actions in the game night scuffle. Haley has a musical breakthrough. Peyton gets news about a ghost from her past. Nathan and Jamie face their fears together. Lucas makes a call to one of the women that will change his life forever.[37] This episode is named after a song by Magnolia Electric Co.

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Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Welcome to Sheldon Cooper Presents Fun with Flags. Before we get started, I'd like to announce the winner of our design your own flag competition. But I can't. The only entry was from GameyGamer75, and I know that was a jpeg of your buttocks. Now this week we have a very special episode where we explore the flags of the popular entertainment franchise, Star Trek. And to help me, I'm pleased to introduce Internet personality, former star of Star Trek: The Next Generation, and the only guy I know lucky enough to be immortalized in one sixteenth scale. Set phasers to fun for my friend, Wil Wheaton. Wil: Hi, Sheldon. Thanks for having me. I'm happy to be here. Amy: Cut. Sheldon: What's wrong? Amy: Sorry, Sheldon, you were brilliant as always. Wil, that was a little wooden. Wil: Wooden? Amy: Don't worry, it wasn't terrible. Just, this time, try to say it the way people sound. And action. Sheldon: My friend, Wil Wheaton. Wil: Hi, Sheldon. Thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here. Sheldon: So, Wil, what do you have for us first? Wil: Well, this is an exciting one. This is the flag of the United Federation of Planets. Now what's interesting about this flag... Amy: Cut. Wil: What was wrong with that? Amy: It's called Fun with Flags. They're not at half-mast, nobody died. Let's try and keep it upbeat. Wil: Um, no offence, but I've been acting since I was a kid. I think I can handle a Web show without a lot of direction. Sheldon: It's true. In 1982, Wil played the voice of Martin the mouse in The Secret of NIMH. You moved me. Amy: You'll have to forgive me. This is my first time directing, I just want it to be good. Wil: So do I. Amy: Great. So, this time let's try more real boy, less Pinocchio. And action. Wil: And cut. You realize that I'm doing this for free, right? Amy: Yes. And so far, we're still not getting our money's worth. Let's try it again. Everybody's having fun. And action. Sheldon: So, Wil, what do you have for us first? Wil: Well, this is an exciting one. This is the flag of the United Federation of Planets. Amy: Cut. Wil: Problem, first-time director? Sheldon: Oh, none that I could see. I saw a man who loved flags almost as much as I do. I got goose bumps. Amy: He was overacting on purpose. Sheldon: Really? He reminded me of a young William Shatner. Wil: Listen, Sheldon, I'm really happy to do this for you, but not if she's gonna be a huge pain in the ass the whole time. Amy: You gonna let him speak to me like that? Sheldon: Well, you're my girlfriend and I don't want you to be upset. Then again, Wil Wheaton's my friend and I don't want him to be upset. Hmm, this is a sticky wicket. (To Wil) What do you think? Amy: Can I speak to you for a second? Sheldon: I'll be right back. Feel free to play with yourself. Amy: I don't care for your friend, he's being rude to me. You need to ask him to leave. Sheldon: Amy, I can't just ask Wil Wheaton to leave. He's a minor celebrity. Once you explain who he is, many people recognize him. Amy: Fine. Then maybe I should go. Sheldon: Could you? That would solve everything. You are the best. I'll see you at dinner tonight? Amy: You sure you wouldn't rather have dinner with your friend Wil Wheaton? Sheldon: Come to think of it, I would! You, little lady, are on fire. Credits sequence. Scene: Howard's bedroom. Bernadette: Every time we eat dinner here, your mother refuses to let me help with the dishes. Howard: Don't take it personally. She likes doing them by herself so she can lick the plates with no one looking. Bernadette: You ready to go? Howard: Yeah, let me just grab a couple of fresh turtlenecks. Bernadette: I don't understand why you keep your stuff here when there's plenty of room at home. Howard: What are you talking about? All I have here is a few sweaters, books, bank stuff, computers, mail, collectibles, medicine and my electric body groomer. Ooh, there's my plaid dickie. Oh, got this at the Goodwill store for 50 cents. Can you believe it? Bernadette: 50 cents sounds right. Let's go. Howard: You know, it's kinda late. Why don't we just spend the night here? Bernadette: Because we don't live here. Howard: I know. Bernadette: Do you? You said when you got back from space you were gonna move into my apartment, but half the time we stay here. Howard: That's not true. Mrs Wolowitz (off): Howard, I'm doing laundry. You want me to put anything in for you? Howard: There's some underwear in the hamper. Mrs Wolowitz (off): Oh, good, I got that new stain stick to try out. Howard: Thank you, I only put it on the list two weeks ago. Okay, I see what you're getting at. How about this weekend I'll box up all my things and move them to our place. Bernadette: Thank you. Howard: The lightsabres are gonna look great in the living room. Bernadette: Or in the closet. We can decide later. Mrs Wolowitz (off): Howard, help, my hand's stuck in the garbage disposal. Howard: Let go of whatever piece of food you're holding. Mrs Wolowitz (off): Are you kidding? It's a perfectly good chicken leg. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: Hey, look who's out after dark, like a big boy. Sheldon: I was out raising heck with Mr. Wil Wheaton. Four hours more and we would have closed down the HomeTown Buffet. Leonard: I thought you had plans with Amy. Sheldon: Yeah, I did, but then Wil called Amy a pain in the A-S-S. She got huffy and left, then Wil and I headed out to dinner. That place really did remind me of my hometown. Because there we also have a HomeTown Buffet. Leonard: Hold on. Wil and Amy had an argument? Sheldon: Yes, quite the kerfuffle. Leonard: Then Amy got mad and left? Sheldon: Walked right out the door. Leonard: And you? Sheldon: Enjoyed a delightful dinner at a reasonable price. The manager recognized Wil and let us sit right next to the frozen yoghurt machine. Right next to it. I was closer to it than I am to you right now. Leonard: Buddy, I think Amy might be upset. Sheldon: Why's that? Leonard: Because your friend was rude to her, and then you went to dinner with him. Sheldon: You're just repeating what I said. It's like living with a lactose-intolerant parrot. Leonard: Trust me, call her. Sheldon: Fine. It's a shame you didn't go to dinner with us, because the buffet you're about to enjoy only serves humble pie, a dessert much less tasty than frozen yoghurt. I was this close. Amy (on skype): What? Sheldon: You'll appreciate this. Leonard has some ridiculous notion that you're mad at me. Tell him you're not mad at me. Go ahead, set him straight. Amy: I'm mad at you, Sheldon. Sheldon: Hmm. Eat one of your Luna bars. Very often when women think they're angry, they're really just hungry. Amy: I'm not hungry. Your friend insulted me, and you didn't do anything. Sheldon: Precisely, I didn't do anything. Now does someone feel like checking her emotional math? Leonard: Keep going, buddy, you're doing great. Amy: Sheldon, I'm your girlfriend, and you should have taken my side. That's it. End of story. Good night. Sheldon: Wow, Amy's mad and Leonard was right. What a weird day. Scene: The Cheesecake Factory. Penny: Hey. Sorry this took so long. But you used to work here, you know how it is. Bernadette: Kitchen slammed again? Penny: No, I'm a terrible waitress, remember? Bernadette: So, is there anything I can do to help you with the move tomorrow? Howard: Now that you mention it, I was thinking tomorrow might not be great. Bernadette: What's your excuse this time? Howard: No excuse. It's just, you know, I'm Jewish, and technically, we're not supposed to drive or carry anything on the Sabbath. So this one's on God. Bernadette: That might be a little more convincing if you didn't have a mouthful of bacon cheeseburger. Howard: My religion's kinda loosey-goosey. Basically, as long as you got your schmekel clipped and don't wear a cross, you're good. Bernadette: Howie, you promised you'd move. Howard: And I will. Penny: Yeah, right. Howard: I will. I'm obviously not going to live in my mother's house for the rest of my life. I'm not a child. Penny: I've seen her burp you. Howard: She did not burp me. She was patting me on the back, and I happened to burp. Don't you have other tables you should be waiting on? Penny: Yeah, but I told you, I'm not good at my job. Bernadette, listen to me. He is never gonna leave. Bernadette: I'm starting to think you're right. Howard: All right, I've had enough of this. I'm a grown man, I have a successful career, for the love of God, I've been to space. I will move out when I'm ready, and I don't need anyone badgering me into it. Penny: Wow, excuse me. Howard: That was just for her benefit. I'll move tomorrow. I love you. Don't leave me. Scene: Amy's apartment. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Amy. (Knock, knock, knock) Amy. (Knock, knock, knock) Angry Amy. Amy: What? Sheldon: I've been thinking about what happened, and I hope this gift will make things better. Amy: Star Trek DVDs? Why would I want this? Sheldon: First of all, you're welcome. And furthermore, not being familiar with Wil Wheaton's body of work, there was no way for you to know you were being rude to a national treasure. Get ready for 130 hours of I told you so. (She hands him back the DVDs and slams the door) Fine. I'll just tell you what happens. Episode one, Encounter at Farpoint. Fade in. The new Enterprise heads out on its maiden voyage to contact the Bandi people of Deneb IV. Enter Wesley Crusher, played by my buddy... (Amy opens door, grabs DVDs, slams door again) She's hooked. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Howard's bedroom. Raj: Wow. An end of an era. Howard: Boy, if these walls could talk. Leonard: They'd say, why does he touch himself so much? Howard: Yeah. I can't believe I'm not going to live here anymore. This has always been my bedroom. Right here is where my mom used to mark my height. Leonard: Oh, yeah. Fifth grade. Sixth grade. Seventh grade. Eighth grade. Ninth grade. Howard: I remember when I was five, hiding under this desk with all my Halloween candy. Had some Peanut M&M'S, went into my first anaphylactic shock and had to be rushed to the hospital. Came home, celebrated with a Snickers, went into my second anaphylactic shock. Raj: When did you figure out you were allergic to nuts? Howard: Sometime around the third Almond Joy. Leonard: Okay. You want to start loading this stuff into the truck? Howard: Yeah, I guess. Hey, would you do me a favour? Go on ahead. I just want one last moment alone in my old room. Leonard: We're not standing outside by the U-Haul while you fondle yourself. Howard: Fine, let's go. Scene: The Cheesecake Factory Bar. Penny: Hey. What brings you in? Sheldon: Penny, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to have a conversation about girls. Penny: I had a feeling we'd have a talk like this sooner or later. Are you finally getting fuzz in weird places? Sheldon: Penny, please, I'm on the horns of a relationship dilemma. And for the record, I had a full pubis of hair by the time I was 19. Penny: And for the record, bleugh. So what are you drinking? Sheldon: Well, it's been a rough day. I usually go chamomile tea, but I don't think that's going to cut it. Penny: You could have a Long Island Iced Tea. Sheldon: Will that calm my nerves? Penny: It's calmed the pants off me a couple of times. Sheldon: Sold. Penny: Oh. So, the heart you got from the wizard giving you trouble? Sheldon: The trouble isn't with me, Penny, it's with your gender. Someday, scientists will discover that second X chromosome contains nothing but nonsense and twaddle. Penny: Yeah, Amy told me what happened. Look, just apologize. It'll warm her twaddle. Sheldon: It's a Band-Aid at best. See, the core problem is that Amy and Wil do not like each other. Which is baffling because they're both crazy about me. And I like them, which indicates they're bright and interesting and/or were on Star Trek. Penny: Honey, you can't make people like each other. Sheldon: Not true. Leonard made me like you. And let me tell you, that was a hard row to hoe. Cheers, pal. Ooh. Boy, that is a treat that's hard to beat. Get the Mad Hatter on the horn, I'm having a tea party. Penny: You might want to pace yourself. Sheldon: I drink tea all the time. I think I know what I'm doing. Penny: Far be it from me to criticize a man with a full pubis. Look, Sheldon, your problem is not Wil Wheaton, okay? Your problem is the way you treated Amy. Sheldon: My problem is I'm out of tea. Penny: Come on, someone insulted your girlfriend and you just let him do it. I thought you Texas guys stood up for your womenfolk. Sheldon: Penny, please, I think I've evolved beyond my simple rustic upbringing. Penny: Sorry. Sheldon: On the other hand, that low-down polecat done wronged my woman. Penny: Welcome to Long Island, Tex. Sheldon: Amy deserves better. You know, when we buy the Planter's deluxe mix, she eats all the Brazil nuts so I don't have to look at them. She's a unique blend of saint and squirrel. Penny: Yeah, that she is. Here you go. Sheldon: I'm a callous egomaniac. She's gonna leave me. Penny: No, she won't. Sheldon: No, she won't. I'm great. Scene: Howard and Bernadette's apartment. Howard: Okay, I have now officially moved out of my mother's house. You are now the only woman in my life who I'll see naked in the bathroom. Bernadette: I know this wasn't easy. You doing okay? Howard: Oh, I'm fine. It's just her I'm worried about. Bernadette: Aw, she'll be okay. She's a grown woman. Howard: I know. It's just ever since my dad left, I've felt responsible for her. Bernadette: That's a lot for a kid to deal with. Howard: She was just so sad all the time. I was the only person who could cheer her up. Well, me and Ben and Jerry. Bernadette: She's lucky you were there. Howard: You know, she's why I first got into magic. I would do little shows for her, hang up a bedsheet like it was a curtain, put on a top hat and cape. And part way through the act, I would say I needed a volunteer from the audience to be my beautiful assistant and invite her up on stage. I can still remember the way she'd smile. For a few minutes, she'd forget how lonely she was. Bernadette: Aw, crap. Let's go. Howard: Where we going? Bernadette: Grab a box. We'll sleep at your mother's place tonight. Howard: No, but I want to live here. Bernadette: Well, you should've thought of that before you told me the stupid magic trick story. Howard: Can't we talk about this? Bernadette: No husband of mine is gonna break his mother's heart! Scene: Wil Wheaton's house. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Wil Wheaton! (Knock, knock, knock) Wil Wheaton! Wait, how many was that? Wil: Hey, Sheldon, what's up? Sheldon: Wouldn't you like to know? Wil: Have you been drinking? Sheldon: Just tea. S'the best tea I've ever had. Wil: Why are you here? Sheldon: I'll tell you. I'm from Texas. Need I say more? Wil: Yeah, actually, a little more would be helpful. Sheldon: You insulted my woman. I'm here to defend her honour. Two! It was two. (Knock, knock, knock) Wil Wheaton! Now prepare yourself for what may come. Wil: Oh, Sheldon, do you really think we're gonna fight? Sheldon: My fists are not up here because I'm milking a giant invisible cow. They're up to beat an apology out of you. Wil: Okay, I'm sorry. Sheldon: Well, that was a long bus ride for not very much. Wil: Are you okay? Sheldon: You're asking a lot of questions, Wil Wheaton. As a matter of idle curiosity, which of your shrubberies do you feel would benefit from a thorough vomiting? Never mind, I'll choose. (Vomits) You were so good in Stand by Me. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Welcome to Sheldon Cooper Presents Fun with Flags. Get ready for a very special episode where we explore the flags of the popular entertainment franchise, Star Trek. And to help us, I'm pleased to introduce a special guest, surprisingly, it only took gas money and the promise of free food to get him here, Mr. LeVar Burton. LeVar: Hey, Sheldon, it's a pleasure to be here. Well, we've got some interesting flags for... Amy: Cut. Yikes, this guy is worse than Wil Wheaton. Sheldon: I don't know what she's talking about, but I'm obligated to agree with her. She's my girlfriend. LeVar: Ah, I hear you, brother. I still get lunch, right?

Sheldon invites Wil Wheaton for a special Fun With Flags podcast about Star Trek flags. Wil and Amy don't get on, so she demands Sheldon ask Wil to go. Sheldon refuses, so she leaves in a huff. After failing to make Amy respect Wil, Sheldon admits his relationship concerns to Penny at the Cheesecake Factory bar. She chides the Texan Sheldon for not standing up for Amy when Wil insulted her, and mischievously gets him drunk on Long Island Iced Tea. He visits Wil and tells him Texan style to apologize to Amy. Wil, surprised by this drunken behavior, does apologize, shortly before Sheldon vomits in the shrubs and comes to his senses. He and Amy, now reconciled, reshoot the podcast with LeVar Burton as the special guest, but Amy cannot get on with him either. Meanwhile, Howard moves into Bernadette's apartment after she reminds him he promised to move out of his house on returning from space. While unpacking at Bernadette's, he finds his old magic set and reminisces on performing magic tricks to cheer up his mother after his father left them. So a sympathetic Bernadette insists on them sleeping over at his mother's house from time to time to remind her that she is not alone.

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fd_Bones_03x10_0

"The Man in the Mud" [SCENE_BREAK] (Teaser) (An all-terrain vehicle pulls to a stop in the woods. CHANDLER [Alicia Ziegler] and her boyfriend, TIM [Andrew Lawrence] alight from the vehicle.) TIM: The GPS says it's right up here. CHANDLER: You don't even know how to use that thing! TIM: The hell I don't! (The GPS device in his hand beeps.) We're here. CHANDLER: We just drove an hour through the woods to find more woods that look just like the woods we drove through. (They come upon a bubbling puddle of thick ooze.) TIM: Eureka! CHANDLER: Ew! That's mud. TIM: No, this is like, um...(close up of the bubbling mud) yeah, it's pretty much mud. CHANDLER: And it smells like rotten egg. TIM: Mmm, sulfur. Very therapeutic. (TIM starts to strip.) CHANDLER: And you expect me to believe you've never been here before. TIM: A friend of mine told me about this place and swore me to secrecy. But this is my first time. In mud. CHANDLER: (laughs nervously as the Soft Misdirectional Piano of Romance starts to play in the background.) TIM: (from off-screen) Come on in; it's nice. CHANDLER: All right. (CHANDLER strips down and slips into the hot spring. The two begin kissing.) Mmmm--what, are you poking me? TIM: This mud is reputed to have amazing romantic properties.(They both giggle and resume making out) CHANDLER: Mmm...I think I got it. TIM: No, I think I'd notice if you got it. CHANDLER: (gasps as she pulls a muddy, skeletal arm from the hot spring, to the accompaniment of an Abrupt Musical Sting. The camera focuses on the hand for a long moment before CHANDLER and TIM freak out and jump out of the hot spring.) (The camera focuses in on the hot spring, and pulls back to reveal BOOTH's hand reaching toward the mud.) BOOTH: Whoa, sheesh! (BOOTH jumps backwards from the mud. A camera pan reveals that he is with BRENNAN and a PARK RANGER [Christopher May].) PARK RANGER: This hot spring averages a temperature of 105 degrees, but it can spike to near boiling, which is why we discourage bathers. (addressing a chagrined TIM and CHANDLER, who are sharing a muddy blanket and not much else, with a scolding tone of voice) Especially those who illegally drive four-by-four vehicles into a national park. BOOTH: So someone was boiled to death? PARK RANGER: Or had a heart attack or passed out, et cetera et cetera. BRENNAN: The remaining flesh will have to be macerated. PARK RANGER: What's that? BOOTH: Ugh...don't ask. BRENNAN: The flesh either has to be boiled off, or eaten by Dermestid beetles. BOOTH: Bones, why can't you just say "cleaned"? BRENNAN: (indicating several long bones.) The sulfur encrusted the bones--do you see the staining? BOOTH: So it's been there a long time? BRENNAN: Not necessarily. BOOTH: So why'd you have to even bring it up then? BRENNAN: (lifting the skull, which is severely pitted) Signs of blunt force trauma. PARK RANGER: What's that mean? BOOTH: That means he didn't pass out and boil to death on his own. BRENNAN: I'm going to need all of the mud. PARK RANGER: Excuse me? BRENNAN: Get a tanker truck out here and suck it up so we can filter it back at the Jeffersonian. (Long shot of the PARK RANGER exchanging a flabbergasted glance with BOOTH, who shrugs.) BRENNAN: (squatting, lifts up the arm) Humerus is thirty-six point five centimeters. Medium build, late twenties early thirties--he's broken this bone before. PARK RANGER: Is she serious about the mud? BRENNAN: Serious as a gas attack. BOOTH: Heart attack, Bones. Serious as a heart attack. (Medico-Legal Lab. CAM is just swiping her card to enter the Platform in a tracking shot that brings us over to the remains.) CAM: The description's too general to get anything from a missing person's report. ZACK: A triangular depression in the calvarium, interior longitudinal 1 fracture, grazed cortical bone and C1; there's a patterned impression in the bone. (As he's speaking, ZACK indicates each particular instance of trauma on a magnification camera screen.) CAM: How many times was he hit, and by what? ZACK: More than once, by a (questioningly) square pipe? Does that exist? CAM: In my experience, people hit people with anything that they can pick up and swing. (pauses) He was attacked from behind? ZACK: Mmmm.... CAM: (annoyed) What? ZACK: There's a vertical impaction fracture to his glabella and frontonasal suture. CAM: Same weapon? ZACK: It doesn't seem so. . . . I have seen this before. CAM: Great. Where? ZACK: From sharpened stone weapons, in Neanderthal skeletons. CAM: I'm thinking not so relevant in this case. ZACK: The blow to the front of the head would cause a severe laceration. CAM: There were no bloodstains around the mud bath. ZACK: Indicating that the body was dumped there postmortem. CAM: Zack, regarding the Neanderthals- ZACK: (correcting) Neanderthals. CAM: ...What was the context of those killings? (the Heavy Musical Tones of Plot Import arise in the background, and will continue onward to carry us into the credits.) ZACK: Accepted scenarios indicate a single individual attacked by two or more assailants. CAM: Then we're looking for two or more murderers. (End Teaser.) (Credits.) (Act One) (Fade up on the outside of SWEETS's office building.) BRENNAN: (v.o.) We're not sure about time of death yet. BOOTH: (v.o.)It was definitely a murder. (Now in SWEETS's office; the Plinky Piano of Zany Hijinks arises in the background. SWEETS, for the record, could not look more bored, and is constantly shifting positions so as not to fall asleep.) BRENNAN: Definitely. Probably by two assailants. BOOTH: What a shock for that couple, huh? (gesturing) You know, they slide naked, into the hot mud bath...and a skeleton hand pokes her in the BRENNAN: (finishing) Anus. BOOTH: (shocked) Bones! BRENNAN: What? It's a clinical term for that part of the body, Booth. (SWEETS is now either sporting a hilarious, wide-eyed shock face, or trying so hard to keep his eyes open that they've bugged out of his face.) SWEETS: Dr. Brennan, Agent Booth...would it be fair to say that you use work to avoid confronting personal issues? BOOTH: Oh, what, because I don't want to talk about... BRENNAN: The anus. BOOTH: You really like that word, don't you? SWEETS: Do you two ever discuss anything that's not attached to work? BOOTH: Well, it's better than talking about, y'know... SWEETS: The anus? BOOTH: What is it with you two? BRENNAN: Well, Sweets could be right; I mean, we talk a lot about work. BOOTH: I talk about my kid. SWEETS: Because he was almost kidnapped during a case. BRENNAN: (raising a single finger) Ah, my father. We talk a lot about him. SWEETS: Because Agent Booth arrested him for murder. BOOTH: Mm...okay, what are you trying to get at here? SWEETS: Your inability to share your personal lives. I thought that was obvious. BOOTH: Okay, that was snotty. (snottily) I don't respond well to snotty. BRENNAN: (laying a hand on BOOTH's arm) After a case, sometimes, we have a drink, or coffee, Booth has pie. I don't...like pie. BOOTH: Aw...you really should just give it a chance. BRENNAN: I find it too sweet. BOOTH: Okay, there. We talked about pie. Nothin' to do with work. BRENNAN: It...is better when we discuss murder. SWEETS: I'd like to see you guys in a social situation. A situation where work is a taboo subject. BOOTH: What, are you gonna send us to a restaurant and watch us through a one-way mirror? BRENNAN: I'm still not having pie. SWEETS: No, an evening out with my girlfriend and me. BOOTH: (laughs, then, to BRENNAN) They need someone to buy them beer. BRENNAN: You want us to go on a double date? BOOTH: Why don't you go on the internet like all the rest of the kids? SWEETS: Okay, if it goes well, I'll withdraw my concern. I'll release you back into your environment. BOOTH: What are we, brook trout? BRENNAN: (pouts briefly, then) Fine. BOOTH: (Sighs heavily and plays with the stress-sumo-wrestler.) SWEETS: Agent Booth? (BOOTH looks away.) Unless, you think that's too much to prove. BOOTH: (pulls a face, then) Fine. I'll show 'em I have nothing to prove. Bring it on, Sweets. (He flings the stress sumo wrestler at SWEETS, who catches it one-handed and gives it a squeeze.) (Medico-Legal Lab; Jeffersonian. HODGINS is running the mud from the hot-spring through some sort of strainer; ZACK is examining something small.) HODGINS: Ugh...(Pulls a greenish aluminum can from the strainer) So far I have three old beer cans, an Indian Arrowhead, (he lifts a coin out of the strainer and casually tosses it on the table; in the background you can hear CAM swiping her card to enter the platform) seventy-three cents in change, and a partially-melted Sharpie. CAM: The victim was braised like osso bucco. The flesh was falling off the bone. I put time of death between ten days and two weeks. ZACK: (crosses to a bank of x-rays) I found stress fractures and degenerative changes in the fascid joints. CAM: Fits with the hypertrophy of the cervical muscles. I found microscopic tearing but he had to sustain this (she extends her neck forward) position to cause that kind of wear and tear. HODGINS: Death by yoga? ANGELA: (enters) Is that skull ready for me yet? ZACK: It should be ready, you can take it out of the boiler any time. ANGELA: Or, you could do that for me, because I will never, ever do that. ZACK: (indicating the injuries on a bank of x-rays.) There are fractures of the pelvis, compression fractures of thoracic and lumbar vertebrae, multiple metacarpal and metatarsal fractures... ANGELA: What was he, crash test dummy? ZACK: The injuries to the vertebrae, tibia, femur are consistent with landing on the feet after falling from ten to twenty feet. HODGINS: What, like jumping out of a tree? ZACK: The damage to the scapula and the acromion resulted from a low fall but forward movement from between sixteen to twenty miles per hour. ANGELA: Falling off a bicycle. ZACK: These injuries are more recent. Fractured and scored patella, and torn retinaculum. HODGINS: Okay, even I didn't get that one. CAM: Why would anyone want to kill him? It seems like he was doing a good enough job on his own. (CUT to the exterior of the FBI building.) BRENNAN: (v.o.) Yes. Okay, Dr. Sweets, yeah, I'll ask him.(Now in the elevator, we see BRENNAN covers her phone) How's Wednesday night, are you free? BOOTH: oh, what, to have our big double date with our psychiatrist? BRENNAN: Just one more evening, and maybe we won't have to see him anymore. BOOTH: Fine. Wednesday's FINE, I can't wait, does he want me to get you a corsage? BRENNAN: (into the phone) Wednesday's fine. We'll meet you there. Yeah, I'm looking forward to meeting her. BOOTH: (scowls as he pushes open the doors of his office) BRENNAN: Okay. Bye. (hangs up with a beep.) This might be fun. His girlfriend works with tropical fish. BOOTH: (skeptically) Tropical. Fish. BRENNAN: Yeah. BOOTH: This is just weird. Where are we meeting? BRENNAN: At their ceramics class. BOOTH: What? No, you're kidding. BRENNAN: Why would I be kidding? He said it would be a good idea to have a common activity. BOOTH: Ceramics? I thought the whole point of therapy was to give us peace of mind, not drive us crazy. (BOOTH's computer starts beeping; we inset to a video chat invitation on BOOTH's monitor, which reads "JEFFERSONIAN/ANGELA") Hey, it's Angela. (BOOTH clicks his mouse, and answers her video chat invitation.) Hey, Angela. ANGELA: Hey! I did a rendering of our victim's face. We're checking him against any reports of missing persons. BOOTH: Wait a second, that's Tripp Goddard. ANGELA: Tripp Goddard? BOOTH: He's a motorcycle racer. BRENNAN: (looks nonplussed) BOOTH: Oh, I forget sometimes that I'm talking to girls. BRENNAN: That would explain the wrist and neck injuries on Zack's report. Have him confirm with dentals. ANGELA: Yeah, (CUT to ANGELA in the holographics suite at the Jeffersonian) I don't appreciate the "girls" comment. (CUT BACK to BOOTH and BRENNAN in BOOTH's office.) BOOTH: Uh...Tripp won a huge motorcycle race about two weeks ago. BRENNAN: That fits time of death. (CUT to ANGELA in the Holographics Suite at the Jeffersonian) ANGELA: That would've been the Super Grand Prix, out in Virginia. Tripp won in the final two laps after some kind of accident took out the frontrunner. (cheekily) Girls, huh? (ANGELA terminates the connection, and we see an inset screen with the Jeffersonian logo and the text "Video Conference Connection Terminated.") (Slam Bolt Racing, Exterior shot of motorcycles in bright blues and yellows rounding a curve to the sound of vehicle exhaust. Racing journalist GARTH JODREY [Chris William Martin] begins a voiceover as the racers cross a finish line and the checkered flags are waved.) GARTH: It's not about the machine, it's about the man. (We cut to an interior shot at Slam Bolt Racing as he continues speaking.) I mean, sure you need a great bike, but a great rider on a crap bike? Still going to win. (We see that GARTH, who uses a wheelchair, has been conversing with an attractive brunette in a leather jacket, PHILIPPA FITZ [Abigail Spencer].) PHILIPPA: Riders say it's about the rider, mechanics say it's the machine, you know what I say? It's about whoever signs the paychecks. GARTH: (as BRENNAN and BOOTH come around a mechanic's station into the background of the shot) Ah, yes, and that would be you. PHILIPPA: (teasingly) Yes, it would; don't forget it. BOOTH: Excuse me. (flashes his badge) FBI Special Agent Booth, this here is Dr. Temperance Brennan of the Jeffersonian. We're looking for someone who might be able to tell us a little bit about Tripp Goddard. PHILIPPA: Well, I'm Philippa Fitz, and Tripp rides for our family team, Slam Bolt. GARTH: What did Tripp do? BOOTH: Who are you? GARTH: Garth Jodrey, I'm a journalist. (Opens his leather jacket to show a logo on his t-shirt) Motokneescrapers.com. BRENNAN: What does that mean? BOOTH: Racers, when they--they lean real low on the corners, their-their knees, they scrape the asphalt. BRENNAN: That would explain his knee injuries. PHILIPPA: No one has seen Tripp since after the Super Grand Prix. BRENNAN: Well, where did he go? PHILIPPA: After a big win, he usually takes off in his truck and climbs mountains, swims oceans, no one really knows for sure. Can I help you? BOOTH: Mr. Goddard's dead. GARTH: What? What happened? BRENNAN: We believe he was murdered. (CUT to a conversation with LENNY FITZ [Wings Hauser], PHILIPPA's father.) LENNY: Who would kill Tripp? I don't know. GARTH: (as he crosses the room.) Well, the fans loved him. Everybody else hated him. LENNY: Get lost, Garth. PHILIPPA: Daddy, please. LENNY: No. I want him out of here, Philippa. (GARTH looks up at PHILIPPA for a tense moment. She finally jerks her head, indicating that he should leave. He departs.) BOOTH: Garth doesn't seem to think that Tripp was the good old boy that you do. LENNY: His got his reasons. PHILIPPA: The wheelchair, for one. BOOTH: Tripp put him in that wheelchair? LENNY: It was an accident. During a race, a couple years ago. PHILIPPA: You can't honestly believe that Garth had anything to do with this. I mean, how? He's in a wheelchair. BRENNAN: With help, obviously. BOOTH: When was the last time you saw Tripp? PHILIPPA: The victory party, after the race. LENNY: I saw him get him his truck and leave, about midnight. BOOTH: Great, I'm going to need to know the make, model, the year, license plate of the truck. LENNY: Anything you need, we're here. Just find the b*st*rd who did this to him. (End Act One.) (Begin Act Two. "Skinny Penny" by the Stereotypes plays as footage of the Super Grand Prix rolls. #66, DANNY FITZ [Channon Roe] is in the lead, with #1, TRIPP GODDARD [John Edward Lee] hot on his trail. The footage cuts to a crowd shot, and back to footage of DANNY followed closely by TRIPP. More crowd shots, then it is revealed that BOOTH, BRENNAN, and GARTH are watching this footage on an LCD screen in the FBI Conference room. When we cut back to the LCD screen, the leader-board on the footage shows that TRIPP is in the lead, followed by D.J. COPPS. TRIPP crosses the finish line, and we cut to TRIPP holding the trophy, surrounded by pit crew, laughing triumphantly. DANNY tries to approach TRIPP, but is held back by pit crew.) GARTH: (v.o.) Okay, that's Danny Fitz. (On the screen, DANNY breaks free of his pit crew and grabs TRIPP by the front of his racing jacket. The footage pauses, but judging by their facial expressions, there is clearly an ugly altercation in the making.) I tell ya, I would've loved to have decked Tripp like that after our race, only I was in a coma for a few days. BRENNAN: Another Fitz? GARTH: Lenny's son, Philippa's twin brother... Alright, watch this. (GARTH uses a remote to manipulate the footage.) Danny's got the race in the bag. Final lap, Tripp does that. (On the tape in extreme close-up, we see TRIPP's front wheel bump DANNY's back wheel; we pull back to find that DANNY has wiped out.) Classic inside-out block pass. BRENNAN: Is he allowed to do that? BOOTH: Only if it's an accident. GARTH: Slam Bolt would've taken first and second against Flame Spark if Tripp hadn't of clipped Danny. BRENNAN: (laughs) There's someone named Flame Spark? BOOTH: Yeah; Flame Spark Spark Plugs. It's Slam Bolt's rival team. TRIPP: (on the tape) I saw a little daylight. Looked like Danny was gonna go wide, so I went for it. I mean, it is a bummer when somebody loses the front of their bike like that, but, um...(TRIPP shrugs) Whaddaya gonna do? GARTH: Danny had that race in the bag. BOOTH: Tripp did the same thing to you, didn't he? GARTH: (a beat) Yeah. Well, I guess Tripp didn't learn anything from the time he did it to me. BOOTH: Danny Fitz, was he at the victory party? GARTH: Yeah, absolutely. Put on a face for the press. BRENNAN: Did Danny leave before, or after Tripp? GARTH: About the same time. BOOTH: How about you? GARTH: I took off right after.(On the videotape, TRIPP and DANNY are engaged in a shoving match.) BOOTH: You're good friends with Danny, aren't you? GARTH: You mean, are we good enough friends to kill Tripp together? You know, I'm pretty sure I don't have to say anything without a lawyer. (BRENNAN and BOOTH exchange a look.) (MEDICO-LEGAL LAB; the JEFFERSONIAN. A metal bar falls on the floor between two feet, which we see are ZACK's, as ZACK is carrying in an armload of potential murder weapons. ZACK bends down to pick up the bar. HODGINS looks over at him before going back to examining the now extremely clean skull. As ZACK finally corrals the first bar he dropped, he loses control of another bar.) HODGINS: (testily.) It's not going to work... ZACK: What? HODGINS: Dropping loud pieces of metal to hurry me up. ZACK: I need the skull so I can compare tool marks to potential murder weapons. HODGINS: Just going to have to wait. ZACK: (frowns and walks further into the room.) HODGINS: (zooms in to an extreme close-up of the skull's surface on a monitor. A computer program isolates particulates on the screen.) Titanium, magnesium, and heat-treated boron particulates are embedded in the skull fractures. ZACK: Mmmmm.... HODGINS: What? ZACK: That's a unique and exotic combination of metals not found in any of these...(A bunch of the aforementioned "these" go sliding out of ZACK's arms, and he bends down to collect them.) HODGINS: It is possible that these particulates aren't from the tool, I mean, not from the tool alone. ZACK: I don't understand. HODGINS: Hand-made racing motorcycles are made from these metals. ZACK: So the particles could've gone from the bicycles to the tools to the victim. HODGINS: It's-it's not a bicycle. It's a motorcycle. ZACK: (irritably) Bi-cycle. Two wheels. The term applies. (He drops another group of the metal bars, and bends down to collect them.) HODGINS: Drop those. (off his look.) Drop them. I mean it Zack, bombs away. (ZACK drops all the weapons to the floor.) ZACK: I don't know what that proves. HODGINS: It means I don't handle irritation as well as I'd like. ZACK: Can I pick these up now? HODGINS: (forcefully) No. (ZACK looks at him quizzically, and HODGINS crosses the room towards him.) You can pick one up. Most likely culprit. ZACK: A narrow instrument, no more than an inch, caused the injuries. HODGINS: Okay...(HODGINS bends down and proceeds to pick up more than one bar.) ZACK: Strain, the crushing, tearing, shearing, equals a change in dimension divided by the original dimension. HODGINS: I do bugs and slime; I don't do arithmetic. ZACK: An elongated rod, with (he selects a shiny, square-shaped pipe from the group HODGINS has selected) this cross-section, is the most likely culprit. HODGINS: Good. Good job, Zack. ZACK: (confused) Am I...King of the Lab? HODGINS: We both are. (HODGINS drops the remaining crowbars.) Let's go tell Cam. (FBI Conference room. BOOTH is replaying the footage of DANNY FITZ wiping out over and over again and giggling. A slow pan reveals an unamused DANNY.) BOOTH: Ooohhhh....ouch....Okay, now that, that's gotta hurt. Wait, here it comes again, I mean, look at that. Whoa...watch it, watch out, watch out, whoa! (BOOTH jumps backwards to reveal the unamused face of DANNY's lawyer, BRAXTON SMALLS [M.C. Gainey]) SMALLS: Let the record show that Agent Booth is taunting my client by repeatedly showing footage of his traumatic accident. DANNY: Don't say accident, man; Tripp did that to me on purpose. BRENNAN: How fast were you going at the time of your incident? DANNY: I don't know, exactly. I was accelerating through 160. BOOTH: Tripp was accelerating faster; see there? (BOOTH punches a button on the remote. The footage replays on the screen.) Whoosh. SMALLS: Again with taunting. BRENNAN: Why was Tripp so much better than you? SMALLS: Taunting? BRENNAN: No, I'm not taunting, Mr. Smalls, I'm restating an objective fact. DANNY: Tripp had a better bike! He had maybe twenty horses on me. BOOTH: So you get Tripp's bike now, right, Mr. Fitz? DANNY: I didn't kill Tripp for his motorcycle. BOOTH: Why did you kill him? SMALLS: Whoa, full stop there, cowboy. BOOTH: Alright, don't sweat it there, princess. Alright, any other reason why you'd want to get rid of Tripp? DANNY: No. SMALLS: Danny, certain things you hide make you look guilty. DANNY: Couple years back, Tripp was going out with my sister. Cheated on her with a groupie. SMALLS: Came to blows. BRENNAN: Who won? DANNY: I did, for once. Knocked him on his ass! BOOTH: And you defended her honor. SMALLS: Danny and Philippa are twins, Agent Booth. They're very close. BOOTH: He cheated on your sister, forced you to crash...How'd you exactly describe your relationship with Tripp? DANNY: (snidely) We were the best of friends. SMALLS: As your lawyer, I must caution you that sarcasm doesn't show up on the transcript. Best to avoid it. DANNY: Look, I'm sorry Tripp's dead, but I'm not exactly grievin', you feel me? BOOTH: Bones, he's not afraid of me at all. BRENNAN: It's hard to scare someone who rides around a track at 200 miles an hour. DANNY: Now her, I like. (to BRENNAN) D'you wanna go out sometime? (BRENNAN looks surprised.) SMALLS: Restrain yourself. BOOTH: Nah, she doesn't wanna go out with you. BRENNAN: Let me speak for myself! BOOTH: Murder suspect, here, Bones. (Cut to a hilariously lecherous facial expression of DANNY's. BRENNAN looks skeptical.) (Medico-Legal Lab; Jeffersonian. The Original Recipe Squint Squad + Cam are in the side room at the lab.) CAM: The wound at the front of the head or at the back? ZACK: Back. ANGELA: Could it be both? ZACK: No. CAM: The blow to the front of the head was from a sharp tool. ZACK: Sharper than round, but blunter than sharp. ANGELA: What? CAM: That actually made sense to me. ANGELA: You two have been spending way too much time together. HODGINS: Can you estimate the amount of force? ZACK: In the back of the head, length undetermined. A width of 3.8 centimeters; approximately a thousand pounds of force. ANGELA: So a lot. HODGINS: (like it's no big deal) Half a ton. ANGELA: Which is a lot. ZACK: That actually isn't very much. ANGELA: All right; now I'm back in a physics class I want to ditch. HODGINS: A boxer's fist can land with double that force. CAM: A big meaty fist in a glove. HODGINS: Yeah, with the force spread out over a hell of a lot more than 3.8 centimeters. ZACK: Correct. It wouldn't take all that much force to crush a skull with this. CAM: So. We haven't eliminated anyone from our list of suspects. Plus, we don't know what that's a cross-section of, and we don't know what caused the damage to the front of the face. (taking in ZACK and HODGINS' nonplussed faces as the Piano Music of Zany Hijinks rears its head on the soundtrack.) What, exactly, made you two come in here crowing "King of the Lab"? HODGINS: (opens his mouth to speak, then closes it and points at ZACK, who stares back at him.) I'm gonna go back and look at very small things under my very large microscope. (HODGINS leaves. CAM glances at ZACK.) ZACK: I can probably identify the type of tool off this cross section. CAM: Do it and call Booth. See if it's of any use to him. (ZACK turns to leave.) ANGELA: (conspiratorially, to CAM.) Boys. CAM: Wow. (Medico-Legal Lab; HODGINS and ZACK's workstations.) HODGINS: (on the phone to BOOTH) I don't have the weapon, but, I microwaved the fabric samples and used gas sensors to analyze (Slam Bolt Racing; BOOTH and BRENNAN are standing by a yellow and white motorcycle.) BOOTH: (cutting HODGINS off mid-sentence.) Alright, alright; just--let's just cut to the chase, there, okay, Mr. Wizard? (Medico-Legal Lab) HODGINS: (shrugs) I have identified what was on the victim's clothing. (Slam Bolt Racing) BOOTH: Fine. I'll take anything at this moment. BRENNAN: What is it? HODGINS: (through BOOTH's Blackberry) It's toluene. It's a clear liquid used to clean up oil. BOOTH: (agitatedly.) How is that supposed to help us? Every mechanic in the world uses that stuff. (BRENNAN, with a pensive expression on her face, examines a rack against a wall.) I need a weapon; do you hear me? A weapon. (Medico-Legal Lab; Jeffersonian.) HODGINS: You know, I'm feeling really underappreciated today. BOOTH: Alright, well, you know what?-- (Slam Bolt Racing) BOOTH: (continued) You can suck it up, buttercup. BRENNAN: Booth? BOOTH: Yah? BRENNAN: (opens the door on a yellow rack of conveniently-labeled chemicals; the foremost container is labeled "Toluene" in larger lettering than any of the other bottles. BRENNAN points at it.) Toluene. HODGINS: (over BOOTH's Blackberry.) It's also excellent for cleaning up blood. BRENNAN: So, if you killed someone here, and they bled a lot... BOOTH: (looks over at a drain in the middle of the floor.) The drain...(to an FBI Forensics Technician [Burnadean Jones])Hey, check this drain for blood. (Medico-Legal Lab) HODGINS: Blood suspended in toluene might be testable for DNA. BRENNAN: (sotto voce) Tell Hodgins he did a good job. BOOTH: Tell Hodgins he did a good job, if...(He trails off when he sees blood spatter leading towards the drain by the blue glow of the FBI technician's ALS.) HODGINS: (over BOOTH's Blackberry) I'm waiting. (End Act Two.) (Begin Act Three. BOOTH and BRENNAN are in Dr. SWEETS's office. The bass xylophone and heavy brass sounds of Work-related hijinks are on the soundtrack. BOOTH looks less than happy to be visiting Dr. SWEETS. BRENNAN starts to say something, then doesn't. The awkward silence continues. Finally BOOTH breaks it.) BOOTH: I hate when you do this. SWEETS: Do what? BOOTH: You don't talk. SWEETS: Sometimes you hate when I talk, so it's a double-edged sword. BOOTH: Bones doesn't mind sitting in silence, do ya? BRENNAN: (answering in the negative) Mm-mmm. BOOTH: I hate it. SWEETS: Why do you think that is? BRENNAN: He gets bored. BOOTH: You're right, I do, I get bored. BRENNAN: You should see him on stakeouts; he talks and talks and ---(BOOTH stares at her) Well, it's very interesting! SWEETS: Is it always about work? BRENNAN: Mmm...no. SWEETS: (cocks his head.) You're lying! BOOTH: Aw, c'mon. How do you know that? SWEETS: I have special training in how to tell when people are lying. BRENNAN: Is that true? SWEETS: See, if you were me, you'd know. BOOTH: (stares.) SWEETS: You're lying to protect your partner. I understand that. But let's agree amongst ourselves, that this is a truth zone. (BOOTH groans and pinches the bridge of his nose.) Is something bothering you? BOOTH: It's this whole...going on a date thing. BRENNAN and SWEETS in stereo: No, it's not a date! SWEETS: (continuing) It's a social outing for the purpose of professional evaluation. BOOTH: Come on; ceramics? I'm not that kind of a guy, alright? Whaddaya say we go, y'know, bowling, or to a firing range, or climbing a wall? SWEETS: Oh, right. Something you're good at. BOOTH: A movie! Or dinner. Dinner and a movie. Somewhere that I don't have to make something. BRENNAN: (exhales) Oooohhh... BOOTH: What? What oooh? BRENNAN: Well, what Sweets would do in this situation is he'd jump on word usage. He's going to ask you why you're resistant to making. SWEETS: (indignantly) I JUMP on the semantics? (shakes his head) That's a really aggressive turn of phrase. BOOTH: Ha. Thanks for pulling focus, there, Bones. (SWEETS starts to shake his head.) Pulling. Is that an aggressive word too? SWEETS: Okay, what, did you two plan this? BOOTH: It's paranoia! That is paranoia. BRENNAN: Since this is a truth zone, I will tell you the truth. We didn't plan anything. (SWEETS examines her shrewdly and she meets his eyes.) SWEETS: You're telling the truth. BOOTH: He's guessing, Bones. SWEETS: (giddy, like a little kid.) We're going to a ceramics class, and we're all going to MAKE something. Time's up. (Melville Practice Track at Slam Bolt Racing. Motorcycle #38 is rounding a corner as "Get it Right" by Mink plays on the soundtrack. #38, #42, and #1 are all on the track.) BOOTH: (v.o.) Look, Sweets can't really tell if someone's lying. (Cut to BRENNAN and BOOTH walking along a side track.) I'm telling you, he's playing with our minds. BRENNAN: There's an area of study called neurolinguistics which proposes that subconscious eye movements and body language tell a well-trained observer if the subject is lying. BOOTH: Well, I don't believe it. (As they round the corner of a trailer, one can see GARTH JODREY in blurred focus in the foreground.) Ha. I don't believe it. (DANNY is standing by GARTH and LENNY next to the #1 bike.) BRENNAN: Is that Tripp's bike? BOOTH: Hyeah; looks like Danny's gonna finally get what he wants, huh? LENNY: Do me a favor, son. Take it easy, a couple times around, before you blast off, okay? DANNY: I know, Dad. Ease into it. GARTH: Hey, can I get a picture? BOOTH: Yeah, let's get a picture. Look at that. # 1 of the Slam Bolt racing team. You gotta feel good about that. DANNY: I'm not talkin' to you without my lawyer present. (DANNY dons his motorcycle helmet.) LENNY: That goes for all of us. (to DANNY) Look, you, I can replace. Do NOT wreck my bike. (DANNY revs the engine and pops a low wheelie before taking off around the track with a screech.) GARTH: Y'know, Lenny, I'm thinkin' your boy isn't gonna relax into this. LENNY: Well, Danny gets a chance to grab the brass ring, he's gonna take it.(DANNY revs the engine into the curve.) BOOTH: Okay, watch this, Bones, he's gonna decelerate right before the turn and just slingshot right through it. BRENNAN: I don't see the deceleration part. (Something is clearly wrong with DANNY; the bike begins to shake and then to bank heavily right, then heavily left.) LENNY: No, no, no! (DANNY's last bank turns into a wipeout in a shower of sparks as he scrapes across the track. He's thrown free of the bike; however, it explodes in a ball of flame that engulfs him. GARTH, ever the photojournalist, continues snapping pictures as BRENNAN and BOOTH run towards DANNY. LENNY merely stares catatonically.) SAFETY CREWMEMBER: He's down! Come on, let's get in there. PHILIPPA: (was watching from her car; she sprints to where DANNY is on the track) No! NOOO!!! No! No! (LENNY sinks to his knees as PHILIPPA grabs him by the arm. DANNY and the BIKE have now become separate fireballs as the Plinky Piano of Loss plays on the soundtrack and two fire-extinguisher bearing members of the Slam Bolt safety crew come running up.) PHILIPPA:Not Danny. (In the corner of the shot, GARTH appears to be classily photographing PHILIPPA and LENNY's reaction.) BRENNAN: (on her cellphone) Yes, we're at the Melville practice track on Highway 64. Send an air ambulance now; there's been a motorcycle accident. (End Act Three.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Begin Act Four; interior shot at the Slam Bolt Garage. An FBI forensics team is photographing the charred remains of the bike; to the left of the shot, FBI Motor Tech OPAL WARNEKE [Darlena Tejeiro] is feeding data into a computer.The Sad Piano of Loss is still playing on the soundtrack. PHILIPPA walks through the garage.) BRENNAN: (to PHILIPPA) Where's your father? PHILIPPA: He's at the house. He's already had two heart attacks; he doesn't need to be here for this. OPAL: Seems like a crime to mess up such a sweet bike, huh? BOOTH: Yeah, a crime, like murder. OPAL: (backtracking) Right. I..I just meant the bike itself, it's... BOOTH: No, I get it. You like bikes. OPAL: (pointing to a part she has in her hand.) These rotors are laser cut and honed. Very exact. Bend one just a little, and when this baby gets to speed the rotor hits a brake pad. Separates a little farther, and the next thing you know... BRENNAN: Yes. We saw. BOOTH: So it couldn't have been an accident... OPAL: You mean oops, I accidentally stuck a piece of metal through this little tiny hole and pushed it with all my might? BRENNAN: So anyone could have done this? OPAL: Anyone who's familiar with motorcycles. And was a killer. PHILIPPA: Why would anyone want to kill Danny? BRENNAN: (takes PHILIPPA by the shoulder and walks her away.) You can't be near the evidence. I'm sorry. BOOTH: (to OPAL) See what else you can find, will ya? OPAL: (nods.) (Medico-Legal Lab; Jeffersonian. HODGINS is adding a few drops of the reagent Eugenol to the tip of a cotton swab.) HODGINS: Recovering ink traces on plastic and polymers is problematic, so, I am using a new technique. A little of the reagent Eugenol, and (He holds the plastic piece [the melted Sharpie from the sifting-the-mud scene] under a blue light, revealing the letters "EE S APERS DO CO") Voila. E-eh say-pers doh coh. ZACK: Does that mean anything to you? HODGINS: Korean restaurant? ZACK: Unlikely. There are obviously missing letters. We need to place the consonants most likely to appear with this configuration of vowels. And vowels to consonants. HODGINS: That is an enormous amount of variables, Zack. ZACK: Shh...Lee Snappers Doll Company. HODGINS: Don't think so. ZACK: Free Newspapers Dot Com. Keen Snappers Don't Come. HODGINS: Definitely not. ZACK: Knee Scrapers Dot Com. HODGINS: Oh my God. That's it. Motokneescrapers.com . How'd you do that? ZACK: Process of elimination? You realize I have no idea what it means. HODGINS: It's the website run by the journalist that Tripp put in a wheelchair. ZACK: So this man's pen was found on the murder victim. HODGINS: Or, it fell in the mud when the body was dumped. (Exterior shot of the Capitol, for no apparent reason. When we fade up, BRENNAN is in Ceramics Class with BOOTH, SWEETS, and his girlfriend, APRIL PRESA [Senta Moses], smiling as the pot she is throwing begins to take shape.) BRENNAN: I'm enjoying this. The last time I threw pots I was in Colombia with the Auroco Indians. BOOTH: (griping) Last time I did something like this, I was in nursery school. APRIL: (laughs) Well, we love it. Don't we, Lance? SWEETS: (smiles, forcedly) Yes. BOOTH: Well, I love my work, but I'm not going to talk about that right now, even though we think a paraplegic killed Tripp Goddard. APRIL: That sounds fascinating. SWEETS: April? APRIL: Oopsie! (forced giggle.) BRENNAN: (changing the subject) Dr. Sweets says that you work with tropical fish. APRIL: Yes, I love fish. They're just like people. BRENNAN: No, no they're not, actually. People can't breathe underwater. APRIL: (starts laughing.) She's funny. BOOTH: (snickers along.) BRENNAN: I am? What? Why is that funny? BOOTH: I don't think she meant that literally, Bones. BRENNAN: Oh. APRIL: It's their eyes. You can tell so much from eyes. BRENNAN: The retinal scan is as specific as a fingerprint. APRIL: No, no. Their souls. You can see their little souls. BRENNAN: I don't understand. You believe that fish have souls? APRIL: Yes. You can see it in their coloring; it's a reflection of who they are. BRENNAN: (still confused.) Their coloring has developed over millennia as a way to deal with predators. SWEETS: (To BRENNAN and BOOTH) April just means they're beautiful. APRIL: Don't tell me what I mean, Lance. I mean they have souls. SWEETS: Ah, okay. BOOTH: Hey, look what I'm makin'! (BOOTH proudly spreads his hands to reveal that, where APRIL, SWEETS, and BRENNAN have been using pottery wheels to throw similar thin-walled pots, he has constructed the beginnings of what looks to be a well-detailed carousel horse.) BRENNAN: You've done this before. BOOTH: (modestly) Nah... BRENNAN: You have. BOOTH: You really think that's good? BRENNAN: Yes, very. SWEETS: Yours is good too, April. APRIL: I'm not talking to you. SWEETS: (snickers nervously) APRIL: You think that's funny. BRENNAN: (stage whispers to BOOTH) Are they fighting? BOOTH: Just focus on your pot there. SWEETS: I'm with patients, April. BOOTH: Nope, no patients tonight. Just us people makin' pots. APRIL: You can't apologize for me, Lance. SWEETS: Can we please just move on? APRIL: No. It just-- I meant that, I believe that all creatures, people, fish, dogs, we're all connected. We all share the same stuff that makes life so beautiful and precious. BRENNAN: On a quantum level, that's true, although the word stuff is not accurate. APRIL: (smiles gratefully at BRENNAN, then, snidely, to SWEETS) See? (she slams a towel down on the table.) SWEETS: What? I have great respect for your fish. Admittedly, I might relate to other things more. APRIL: He kills about a thousand people a night. SWEETS: Yeah, in a video game, April. They're not real. BOOTH: Hey, Sweets, your thing there's droopy. (SWEETS's tall pot is starting to collapse like the Leaning Tower of Pisa.) SWEETS: (looks upset, then sighs.) BOOTH: Look at my horse! APRIL: Wow. SWEETS: That's amazing, Agent Booth. BOOTH: (makes horse-like noises as he moves the horse up and down as though it's galloping.) BRENNAN: Very impressive. BOOTH: Yes, it is. (BOOTH picks a stray piece of clay off the back of the horse and goes to flick it away; it strikes BRENNAN in a fairly personal region and she gasps.) Bones, I'm sorry. (BRENNAN slings back a lump of clay.) Ooh! Jeez! (BOOTH throws back a lump, and it destroys the top part of BRENNAN's pot. BRENNAN pouts.) Hey, Sweets, I apologize. (BOOTH begins breaking off more pieces of clay to sling at BRENNAN) This whole ceramics thing is GREAT! (SWEETS gets a big smile on his face.) SWEETS: (As BOOTH and BRENNAN continue to laugh, SWEETS breaks off a piece of clay and lightly tosses it at APRIL. She, in turn, grabs a handful of slip [clay with a liquid consistency] and slings it in SWEETS's face, even getting some on his teeth. It's very ugly. SWEETS tries to play it off with a nonchalant laugh.) Yeah, this is fun. (When BRENNAN has figured out what just happened and you're still trying to play it off, you're in trouble, dude.) (Random exterior nighttime shot of the Washington Monument with Dupont Circle behind it, and a shot of sunrise behind the Capitol building.) (BOOTH's car; daytime.) BOOTH: I tell you one thing, Sweets didn't get any last night. BRENNAN: They're too young to be in a serious relationship. In agrarian societies, young couplings made sense; the partnership was for survival, but today... BOOTH: You know, you can play the field and not plow it. BRENNAN: That was distasteful. BOOTH: What? BRENNAN: I like April, though. BOOTH: She talks to fish, okay? I'm with Sweets on this one. BRENNAN: (gives BOOTH a look. BRENNAN's phone rings as BOOTH comes to the not-at-all inaccurate conclusion that his comment might've pushed the boundaries of decency. She answers the phone.) (Medico-Legal Lab; Jeffersonian. Room with all the drawers.) ZACK: Hey, it's Zack. (BOOTH's CAR) BRENNAN: Hi, Zack. (BRENNAN punches a button on the phone and puts it on speaker.) (Medico-Legal Lab) ZACK: The prybar from the garage is not the murder weapon. It's a prybar like this one, but not this one. The deep parallel grooves on the interior border are not a match. BOOTH: What about the blood? HODGINS: Apparently, the toluene--- (BOOTH's CAR) HODGINS: (over speakerphone, continued) caused a false positive. BRENNAN: What about the vertical fracture on the frontal suture? BOOTH: (pleased with himself and seeking approval) That's the forehead. BRENNAN: (looks at him strangely) HODGINS: Yeah, I did another scraping of the fracture and I found a sliver of glass with-- (Medico-Legal Lab) HODGINS: (continued) --a mastic film on it. The mass spec shows it as a nitrate of silver, so I think we're looking for some kind of mirror. BRENNAN: Good! Thank you. (BOOTH's SUV pulls up to a wooded area.) OPAL: (v.o.) Found it-- (We now see TRIPP's TRUCK, as OPAL lifts the crime scene tape surrounding it.) OPAL: --early this morning. No way of knowing how long it's been here. My guess is it was stolen, driven around some, then stripped for parts. BRENNAN: VIN number matches? OPAL: Oh, it's the victim's truck, all right. (Conspiratorially, to BRENNAN) Hey, I gotta tell you, I love working this one. I'm usually looking over some battered old heap for evidence, but the vehicles on this case (she exhales appreciatively) they are sweet. BOOTH: You got anything else for me? OPAL: Ah, they're testing mud on the bottom of the vehicle on the chance it might match where the victim was dumped. BRENNAN: Pry bar. BOOTH: Huh? BRENNAN: Pry bar. OPAL: Yup. Covered in blood. I blame the Stooges. BRENNAN: Excuse me? OPAL: The Three Stooges. They're always bashing each other in the heads with hammers and bricks and stuff, and never got hurt. People think they can do it too. BOOTH: Yeah. Thanks for that. OPAL: All I'm saying is that killings like this are Stooge-related. BRENNAN: Booth... BOOTH: Yeah? BRENNAN: Side mirror. (They both approach the truck.) Long jagged edge. He was standing by his truck, someone came up behind him and hit him with a prybar. BOOTH: Falls forward into the mirror. BRENNAN: Fracturing his frontonasal suture. OPAL: Huh? BRENNAN AND BOOTH: Forehead. BRENNAN: Booth, this suggests only one assailant. BOOTH: Can we get some lumino; check the mirror for blood? OPAL: Well, we're not hurting for blood around here. (She walks to the truck's in-bed storage container, which she pops open to reveal that it's streaked with blood.) BOOTH: Oh, jeez. Whoa! Whoa. OPAL: Don't need any luminol for this. BOOTH: So he was killed, loaded in the box, driven to the mud, and dumped. BRENNAN: That's physically impossible for a paraplegic to do. BOOTH: It's only one murderer; it wasn't Garth. Do we have any prints? OPAL: Just the victim's, but we did find some hair in the box where the body was placed. (An FBI Forensic Tech hands her a bag with the hair in it.) It's dyed. We're checking for the exact brand and color. BRENNAN: The roots are gray...it's short. BOOTH: Lenny Fitz...dyes his hair. BRENNAN: Why would Lenny kill his most valuable rider? (End Act Four.) (Begin Act Five. FBI Interrogation room. LENNY is massaging his forehead, accompanied by his attorney, SMALLS.) SMALLS: I'd like the record to reflect that my client has been drinking. LENNY: That's an understatement. SMALLS: And that he's rejecting my advice not to speak to you at this time. BOOTH: Did you drink a lot there, Lenny? Maybe out of guilt? LENNY: I lost a son, Agent Booth. A son. So excuse me for feelin' bad about that, all right? BRENNAN: Do you mean your biological son, or Tripp Goddard? LENNY: Lady, I loved Tripp Goddard like a son, but Danny--Danny was my son. There's a difference. SMALLS: I'm confused. Is my client a person of interest in this, or an actual suspect, and in which death? BRENNAN: Well, that depends upon whether or not the same person killed both Danny Fitz and Tripp Goddard. LENNY: You can't honestly think that I killed either one of them! BOOTH: Well, we found Tripp's truck. LENNY: Where? BOOTH: Clearing in Jackson State Park. BRENNAN: Forensic evidence shows that Tripp was murdered in the mechanic's bay and his body was transported in his own truck. SMALLS: What's that got to do with my client? BRENNAN: There's forensic evidence tying him (indicating LENNY) to the body. SMALLS: (disdainfully) What you got, a nail clipping, a piece of dried snot, a hair? BOOTH: No, we've got forensic evidence. SMALLS: Lenny, when was the last time you saw Tripp? LENNY: I told you, at the victory party. SMALLS: You shook hands with him, sat next to him at the bar, didja make out a little? LENNY: I hugged him. SMALLS: Any other questions about how trace evidence from my client may have wound up on Tripp's remains? BOOTH: Just hold him on suspicion; that's all. (BOOTH and BRENNAN rise to leave.) LENNY: Look, I didn't kill Tripp! SMALLS: I can get a court order to release him in less than an hour. LENNY: Look, why would I kill someone I just signed a business deal with? BOOTH: Wait, you---you what? SMALLS: Mr. Fitz signed ten percent of his company over to Tripp. BOOTH: You mean the motorcycle team. SMALLS: No, Mr. Fitz means the beverage company. BRENNAN: Slam Bolt Energy Drinks? (SMALLS nods.) Why offer so much? LENNY: Because he was the best. SO I offered him a piece of the business, as an incentive to race exclusively for Slam Bolt. SMALLS: And everybody's happy. BOOTH: Who isn't happy? LENNY: Every other motorcycle team. BRENNAN: Did Tripp Goddard sign? LENNY: I only got him the contract that night. SMALLS: And then hugged him. BOOTH: So you signed it, but he didn't. SMALLS: We don't know. (pauses, during which the Heavy Piano of Plot Import kicks up again.) You haven't found the contract, have you? (BRENNAN looks up at BOOTH, who is standing.) BOOTH: We'll be in touch. (BRENNAN stands and they both leave. LENNY buries his face in his hands.) (Exterior shot. BOOTH's SUV drives by a government building with Corinthian columns.) BOOTH: (starts out in v.o.) Sexual jealousy as a motive didn't pan out, professional jealousy was looking pretty good.... BRENNAN: Until Danny was killed. BOOTH: But money, that's always good. BRENNAN: (exhales) How much money? BOOTH: Well, company like Slam Bolt? Millions is my guess. BRENNAN: Tripp Goddard could've been attacked by more than one person; the skull shows that as a possibility. BOOTH: No changies, Bones. Prybar to the back of the skull, mirror to the face, no takebacks, one killer. BRENNAN: I'm just saying that maybe Philippa and Danny didn't like it when their father signed over a chunk of their family company to Tripp Goddard. BOOTH: Well, it's a good business decision. (off BRENNAN's look) Look, Garth wants Tripp dead for puttin' him in a wheelchair. Philippa wants Tripp dead for grabbing up a hunk of her father's company. BRENNAN: Two killers again? You said no changies and no takebacks. BOOTH: It doesn't scan. You know, ah...why would either Garth or Philippa want Danny dead? BRENNAN: You're the motive guy. BOOTH: Look, we found Garth's "knee scrapers" pen in the mud... BRENNAN: No, that doesn't prove anything. He gave them out to everybody. BOOTH: (scowls) It's...it's right here, Bones, it's right in front of us...but I just--can't get it. BRENNAN: That whole business with changies and takebacks --that's not real, right? BOOTH: No. (BRENNAN glances in a variety of directions. BOOTH looks over at her.) But I have another question. BRENNAN: Is there anything more we can learn from the murder weapon? BOOTH: No, that's a you question. My question is, how did the murderer know about the secret mud hole. (BOOTH's OFFICE. TIM is sitting in front of Booth's desk, on which a Philadelphia Flyers candy jar and a Pittsburgh Steelers coffee mug are sitting.) TIM: Look. I know I was breakin' the rules when I drove my truck on national park land. But, I mean, this girl...Didn't you see her? BOOTH: (is lining up a putt on his mini-golf set.) I really don't care about that. TIM: Come on, man, have a heart! BOOTH: Look, I got it about the girl the minute I saw her, okay? We all do things..(he putts) for the girl. TIM: So what do you need to talk to me for? BOOTH: I need to know how you found out about that mudhole. TIM: Oh. BOOTH: Oh, what? TIM: I don't wanna be a rat, you know? BOOTH: Look, sport, I don't care about the girl, or the mud, or the four-by-four, okay? Hardly anyone knows about that place and someone dumped a body there. TIM: (reluctantly) My friend told me about it. BOOTH: I need a name. TIM: He didn't do it; he's in a wheelchair. BOOTH: Your friend's name Garth Jodrey? TIM: How'd you know that? BOOTH: (points to his nameplate on his desk) Special Agent Seeley Booth. (with emphasis) Special.(He claps TIM on the shoulder.) (Jeffersonian, exterior shot. Day.) ZACK: (v.o.) This is the shaft-- (Interior, Medico-Legal Lab. Platform. We are focused on the prybar.) ZACK: (continued)--of the prybar. It's made of tempered steel with a shiny chrome covering. BRENNAN: The murder weapon we found on Tripp's truck. ZACK: Yes. As you can see, the chrome is compromised. (perplexed) Putting chrome on a prybar is not a good example of functionality. ANGELA: (shrugs) Maybe it was decorative. HODGINS: (looking at the magnification on a video monitor.) Those're blood flecks. BRENNAN: From the victim? HODGINS: We have no way of knowing until DNA tests is done. ZACK: The blood flecks begin approximately 25% of the way up the handle. BRENNAN: What does that indicate? ZACK: I have absolutely no idea. ANGELA: Oh, come on! Choke? (off the dumbfounded looks from HODGINS, ZACK, and BRENNAN.) Didn't anybody play softball or baseball? (ZACK shakes his head no.) Okay. (She picks up a similar prybar, and demonstrates the grip by holding the bar first by its handle, then by moving her grip upwards.) It's a choke-up. HODGINS: (catching on) For somebody not strong enough to swing the entire length of the bat, of course! It's a choke-up. (BRENNAN continues to look lost.) ZACK: (using the English-to-Brennan dictionary) To forshorten the fulcrum. BRENNAN: Yes, I see, because the murderer was weaker than the full-grown male human for whom the prybar was designed. ANGELA: Right, like a girl. Now, when I batted, I always had to choke up.And of course, I kicked ass. (She grins.) HODGINS: Sweet. BRENNAN: I'll have Cam check the DNA. (BRENNAN turns and leaves, to the accompaniment of a kicky musical sting.) (BRENNAN's office. We pan in from behind BRENNAN's tropical fish tank, to see BRENNAN sitting at a table. APRIL walks in.) APRIL: Excuse me. Temperance? BRENNAN: April, hi. APRIL: I, uh...wanted to talk to you, woman to woman, if that's possible. BRENNAN: It is possible, because we are both women. APRIL: (smiles slowly, then sits down at the table. She then stands back up.) Seeing you the other night, it made me realize that you have a very objective eye. BRENNAN: Thank you. APRIL: And you got to see Lance and me together, and I wonder if--if you might tell me what you think. BRENNAN: Could you be more specific in the question? APRIL: Oh. (sits down, breaths in heavily, then exhales.) Fish. Fish choose their mates based primarily on color gradations. Two gouramis, for example, one male and one female? They'll mate if they're both vibrant blue. Now, if the male becomes paler, which can happen over the course of time, the female becomes nonreceptive to the male, even aggressive--do you see where I'm going with this? BRENNAN: Sweets is too pale. APRIL: Yes. But let's say young, instead of pale, and go with that. BRENNAN: Is there an age difference? APRIL: (scoffs) Yeah. I'm almost 27, and Lance just turned 23. (pauses) What's the age difference between you and Booth? BRENNAN: Ah, five years, but no, we are not blue fish. APRIL: (gets it, and nods.) But still. He's very firm once you get him out of that suit, but ... BRENNAN: A pale blue. APRIL: Robin's-egg, really. (on the verge of tears)...And I'm a vibrant, vibrant cobalt.(pulling it together) Not literally, I mean, we're both mostly pink, in reality. BRENNAN: No, I understand. APRIL: (back to verging on tears, querulously) Did we seem good together to you? BRENNAN: April, it was--only one evening. APRIL: (nods) CAM: (leans in the door of BRENNAN's OFFICE) We got the DNA results from the murder weapon. BRENNAN: (to CAM) s*x? APRIL: (tearily) Oh, it was much more than adequate, it was wonderful, really. (APRIL sniffs. Closeup on CAM's hilarious "WTF?" face, and CAM walks into the room.) I mean, he's a nighttime person and I'm most...enthusiastic in the morning, but that's not the problem. (CAM is right next to APRIL before she notices.APRIL looks up, and CAM gives her a cheshire-cat smile.) Oh.Sorry! You're--you're talking about work. (She makes a "locked-up-my-mouth-and-threw-away-the-key" gesture.) CAM: DNA says the murderer's female. (Stunned, BRENNAN opens the file folder.) (FBI Interrogation Room. BOOTH and BRENNAN are questioning SMALLS and PHILIPPA.) SMALLS:(v.o.) Excuse me, we're here about a mud bath? BOOTH: No, we got a sworn statement here from Garth Jodrey that Philippa Fitz took him to the mud hole three years ago. BRENNAN: To have s*x. BOOTH: The same mudhole that Tripp was dumped in. PHILIPPA: I could give you a sworn statement that Garth took me to that mud hole. BOOTH: Oho, I slid that one right by her. PHILIPPA: What? SMALLS: You just admitted that you had prior knowledge to the location of a mud hole. BRENNAN: No changies. BOOTH: No takebacks. SMALLS: Answer nothing without prior confirmation from me. BOOTH: You killed Tripp because your father was about to sign the company over to him. PHILIPPA: What? SMALLS: Don't respond in any way. BOOTH: We have DNA evidence that shows that you swung the prybar into Tripp's head. SMALLS: According to the forensic report, the sample was very small, and was totally used up during the course of the test. BRENNAN: It's an accurate test. SMALLS: But it can't be repeated. And my client has a twin brother. Juries hate DNA evidence and twins. What's that sound? I believe that's reasonable doubt startin' its engines. BRENNAN: We have evidence that the same prybar was used to sabotage Tripp's motorcycle. SMALLS: A common tool left in a semi-public area? In a situation that could have arisen from incompetence rather than sabotage. BOOTH: (to PHILIPPA) You sabotaged the bike to kill Tripp, but he signed the contract before he could ride the bike and die the way he was supposed to. BRENNAN: So, you killed him with a prybar, loaded him onto his own truck, and dumped him in the mud puddle. BOOTH: Everything was great until your brother rode the bike that you sabotaged. PHILIPPA: You don't ride someone else's bike; Danny knew that! SMALLS: Philippa... BRENNAN: You killed him. Accidentally, but you did kill him. PHILIPPA: I loved my brother... SMALLS: Don't speak, please. (to BRENNAN and BOOTH) Are we free to go, or would you like to waste some more of the taxpayers' money? BRENNAN: She did it! SMALLS: You may get a prosecutor to lay a murder charge, but a jury will never bring home this baby the way you want it to. BOOTH: You're right. But, I'm still gonna make the arrest. SMALLS: To what end? You can't win! BOOTH: We let everybody know what Philippa did, including her father. PHILIPPA: (sobs.) BRENNAN: (brings BOOTH a cup of coffee in the conference area of the lab.) I'm okay with what you did there. BOOTH: Mmm...yeah, thanks a million, Bones. BRENNAN: Don't get mad; I'm just saying that, I just like it better when we catch 'em, and they go to jail. BOOTH: Yeah, well, sometimes it can get messy, Bones, but the point is, it gets done. BRENNAN: This one started out in a bit of mud and ended in a bit of mud. BOOTH: (laughs) That's very damned poetic of you. (A moody guitar begins to play as SWEETS enters the conference area, looking all forlorn.) SWEETS: Oh, hey guys. I didn't know you'd be here. BOOTH: Whaddya think, Bones? BRENNAN: He's lying. (to SWEETS) Do you wanna sit down? SWEETS: (shakes his head no.) Not really. BOOTH: Lying again. BRENNAN: (gestures with her head that he should join them.) C'mon. Sit down. SWEETS: Okay. BOOTH: April dump you? BRENNAN: How did you know that? BOOTH: He's got that "dump-ee" look on his face. SWEETS: (sighs) I'm a trained psychologist. I mean, I saw this coming; it's not like the signs eluded me. So I prepared myself mentally for it, and BOOTH: Hey, Sweets...Bones and I, we're going bowling tonight. BRENNAN: (playing along) Yes, yes, bowling. You know what, you wanna come? To go bowling with us at the bowling rink? BOOTH: Alley. BRENNAN: Bowling alley. The bowling alley. SWEETS: You know, fish aren't actually sentient. There's a reason people say "cold as a fish." (BOOTH and BRENNAN nod sympathetically.) Me? I'm a dog person. I think that has meaning. Don't you? BRENNAN: Sure... SWEETS: (in little-boy voice) Do you think April was pretty? BRENNAN (looks to BOOTH for what she should say; he shakes his head no.) Not at all. SWEETS: You're lying, Dr. Brennan. I appreciate the effort; thank you. BOOTH: (grabs the back of SWEETS's rolling chair.) Come on, Sweets, whaddya say we go bowling? (to BRENNAN as he drags SWEETS's chair out of there.) I got him, c'mon! SWEETS: (over BOOTH) Nah, that's alright... BOOTH: C'mon!

A body is discovered at Homestead Natural Hot Springs in a spring filled with mud. Booth and Brennan go to investigate the scene and find that the body is Tripp Goddard, a motorcycle racer who had been murdered about two weeks ago after a race. Sweets' girlfriend is also introduced.

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_02x06

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_02x06_0

"DANCE" Cast Dawson: James Van Der Beek Grams: Mary Beth Peil Joey: Kaite Holmes Bessie: Nina Repeta Pacey: Joshua Jackson Mitch: John Wesely Shipp Jen: Michelle Williams Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes Andie: Meredith Monroe Jack: Kerr Smith Homecoming Dance *Dawson's room: Andie is dancing and watching "Footloose" on Dawson's TV while Pacey, Dawson, and Joey sit on the bed and watch her dance and laugh.* Andie: Oh my God! I love "Footloose"! Don't you guys love to dance? I am so excited about the homecoming dance next weekend. Pacey: The homecoming dance? *Andie nods* Pacey: Oh my God, we're hanging out with Marcia Brady. Andie: I don't understand. What's wrong with the school dance? Dawson: I think what Pacey's actually saying is that we're not exactly the school dance type. Joey: We'd rather watch a movie about a high school dance than actually set foot in an over-decorated gym. Pacey: Actually, this enditement of high school conventions isn't limited to dances. It covers the whole spectrum of school-sponsored events. Case-in-point: Joey, how many high school football games have you been to? Joey: None. Pacey: Mm-hm. And Dawson? How many pep rallies have you loyally attended? Dawson: Zero. Pacey: Mm-hm. Andie: Uh! You guys are a bunch of cynics, you know that? I mean, what kind of memories are you going to have if all you did in high school is bitch and moan about it? Joey: Bitching memories. Dawson: Moaning memories. *Joey looks over and smiles at Dawson.* Andie: You guys are completely sabotaging your high school experience. Pacey: Guilty as charged. Now, Dawson, if you don't mind, could you turn the video back on? 'Cause I really want to see who's responsible for Kevin Bacon's rougueish, devil-maker, hair do(?). *He smiles at Andie as the tape comes back on. Andie walks over and stands in front of the TV* Andie: You mean you would rather watch a movie about something than doing it yourselves? Dawson and Joey: Correct. *Andie walks over and sits on the windowseat* Andie: Okay, what about s*x? *Dawson, Pacey, and Joey look over.* Andie: I mean, you guys are missing a major opportunity here. Why do you think the (?) were so adament about outlawing dancing? They believed it to be sinful. Dawson: Are you saying dancing equals s*x? Andie: No. But dancing could possibly be really great foreplay. *Joey looks at Dawson* Pacey: I love the way you think. Andie: So...who's going with me on Saturday? *Joey looks at Dawson again and scratches her head. Pacey makes a face like 'Whoa'* *Cut to Bessie and Joey pulling up to Capeside High. Joey's getting out but she stops* Bessie: Okay. We're here. You gonna get out? Joey: I was thinking.. *Bessie rolls her eyes* Bessie: What is it this morning? General teen angst or something specific? Joey: If I tell you something will you respond with nothing but sisterly advice and/or concern? Bessie: Of course. Joey: Okay...Jack kissed me. *Bessie starts laughing* Bessie: Oh my God! *laughing* Joey: Look I don't think cackling qualifies as concern or advice. Bessie: I'm sorry Joey, but Jack? Choreboy down at the Icehouse? Joey: Yes. Bessie: He kissed you? Joey: It was nothing, really. It happened and then it was over. Bessie: So what's the problem then? Joey: Dawson? Bessie: Oh...you didn't tell him, did you? Joey: No. I mean, here's the thing. I mean, this is a classic example of what I would tell Dawson, the friend, but since Dawson, the friend, has become Dawson, the boyfriend, the concept of newsworthy events has become a little blurry. Bessie: Okay, look. Here's the way I see it. Jack kissed you, right? It was a 1 way kiss, right? Joey: Yeah. Bessie: Surprise whenever(?), completely uninvited, all-in-all no big deal. You didn't do anything wrong. Don't beat yourself up over it. If you want my advice, just put it behind you, concentrate on Dawson, pretend it didn't happen. Joey: What didn't happen? Bessie: Exactly. Joey: Thanks, Bess. See ya! Bessie: Okay *She drives off* *Cut to Abby and Jen* Abby: No way those are real. Jen: What? You think those are man-made? Abby: Yes! Jen, please! Physical enhancement caters not only to size. It can improve shape, direction, perk factor..that girls had some work done. Jen: Yeah, well, Brett sure doesn't seem to mind. Abby: Oh, please. Brett Tompkins is just a dim bulb with good hair and tight pants. A classic him-bo. In other words, perfect. Jen: If that's your type. Abby: Aw, what's the matter, Jen? Brett's too much man not enough touchy-feely film amateur(?). Full market down(?). Come Saturday night, Brett and Kristy will be history. Saturday, Brett will be mine. Jen: Abby, that's pathetic. You're going to the homecoming dance to hit on somebody else's boyfriend? Abby: Well, my guidance counselor told me to set goals for myself. Jen: You're on your own. Abby: Fine. Suit yourself. Stay at home and read Scripture with Grandma. Brett and I will drop you a line from Vegas. *Cut to Brett and Kristy.* Brett: Don't pull me away like I'm some stupid dog on a leash! Kristy: Well, how about acknowledging me when you see me outside, huh! *Dawson walks by listening to them heading towards Joey at her locker.* Dawson: Promise me we will never air a relationship crisis about anything like that. I can't think of anything more embarressing and immature. Joey: Deal. Dawson: Okay. *They kiss* Dawson: Now, remind me again how Andie McPhee convinced us to go to this homecoming dance. Joey: I think by promising us that dancing always ends in taudry smud-action(?). Dawson: Oh. Could that possibly be our first mention of s*x since we've been together? Joey: Possibly. Dawson: Why is that? When we were friends we talked about s*x all the time. Joey: I think because we wanted to ease into the subject to make the transition from friend to lover..unconfusing. Dawson: Ah, if we are confused about the transition from friend to lover, I can only think of one thing that would truly cinch it. Joey: What do you suggest? Dawson: That you put on your dancing shoes. *Joey smiles* *Jen and Abby walk by* Jen: Hey guys. Dawson: Hey Jen. Abby: Wipe the drool, Dawson. Joey: I don't like the two of them being so chummy. I mean, Abby is not a good influence for Jen. Dawson: *laughing* Is this genuine concern I'm hearing for Jen Lindley? Joey: Well, I feel sorry for her, I mean, her grandpa just died. Maybe we should invite her to the dance. I mean, we're going as a group. Might be fun for her. Dawson: Joey Potter, I applaude you. You earn major humanity points for this. *Joey smiles and shrugs* Dawson: But, um, don't you think it may make her feel worse than she already does? Joey: I don't know. All I know is that it's really hard to lose a family member, Dawson, and I just think it might be fun for her. It's up to you. Your call. Dawson: I'll see you later. Joey: Okay. *They kiss* *Joey sees Jack enter the building and stares and then turns and walks away.* *Cut to Andie and Pacey outside* Pacey: So since I'm in charge of transportation Saturday, would you like me to pick you up at your house or meet somewhere. Andie: Let's meet somewhere. Pacey: Cool. How's your mother doing anyway? Andie: She's having a good week. Pacey: Listen, Andie, if there's ever anything I can do, you can just ask me, right? Andie: So Witter. I hope you have your dancing moves polished and ready 'cause I plan on making a dancing fool outta you. Pacey: Sorry, McPhee, no can do, I don't dance. Andie: What do you mean you don't dance? Pacey: I mean, I don't like it and I'm really not any good at it. I mean, it's bad enough that I'm just going on Saturday but don't expect me to get out there and start bustin' a move 'cause it's just not going to happen. Andie: You don't dance. You are beyond immature. Pacey: You're overbearing. Andie: Boring. Pacey: Hyper-sensitive. Andie: Vulgar. Pacey: Pick you up at 7? Andie: Great. Pacey: Okay. *Dawson walks up* Dawson: Are you two having a spat? Pacey: No, just our usual passive-aggressive banter. Dawson: Okay. Andie: No, actually we were talking about the dance, and, hey, if you guys don't mind, I'd really like to invite my brother Jack to come along. You know, he's kind of a loner and I think it would be good for him. Dawson: Actually, why don't we also invite Jen Lindley? Andie: Jack and Jen? A set-up. Dawson: I mean, I'm not sure they're a perfect match but they're both single. Andie: I like it. Pacey: No, guys. This is a bad idea. Dawson: You never know. It could work! Andie: Let's do it. Pacey: No, don't, come on. Whenever you fix up two people who don't even know each other, it's a recipe for disaster. This can only end badly. I promise you. Please. Andie: I'll set it up. Dawson: Great. Andie: Buh-bye. Pacey: Am I invisible? *Cut to Dawson's house. Dawson's parents are on the porch. Dawson walks in.* Dawson: Hi. Mitch: Dawson, have a seat. Dawson: Okay. What's going on? Mitch: Well, I know things got a little out of hand the other night, and, well, I'm not sure what the segway is here, but your mother and I, after much talk, after much consideration, have decided-- Gail: Um, honey, sometimes you focus so hard on the solution that when you step away and you pull back, only then does the solution truly appear. Mitch: Yes. Right. And as improbable as this approach might seem, sometimes it's the only one left and, um, and in this case, it's the only one left. Gail: What we're trying to say is that...is that Mitch: Your mother and I have decided to spend some time apart. Dawson: Well, it looks like you two have given this quite a bit of careful thought. Gail: Yes, we have. Dawson: And the suggestion from me for you to go back to counseling wouldn't make any difference. Mitch: We've tried it. Dawson: So my suggestion that you make a more concerted effort at trying to find a solution. Maybe improve communication, possibly, family outings, truth syrum. Mitch: Dawson, your opinion is important to us and we love you. But we're not open to suggestions on this one. This is a conclusion. A conclusion that we've reached. Dawson: Yeah, well I conclude that your conclusion sucks. *Dawson walks off* *Cut to Jack and Andie* Jack: Why didn't you just let Pacey pick us up at the house? Andie: You know why, Jack. Jack: Did you strap Mom in for the evening? Andie: It's not funny. Jack: She's not getting any better, you know? Andie: You know, Jack, I want a night off. Just one night off. One attempt at fun. Can we do that please? Jack: Well, maybe I shouldn't be around, I'll just bring you down, Andie. I hate dances. I don't do good at these things. Andie: Don't be silly. It will be fun, okay? Besides, it's time we got you out and you met some of Capeside's cuties. And who knows? You might meet the woman of your dreams tonight. Jack: Maybe. Maybe I already have. Andie: Oh good, here's Pacey. *Pacey pulls up in his cop car* Jack: Quite a car. Andie: It's his dad's. They have a complex relationship. *Cut to Mitch loading suitcases into the jeep* Mitch: Look, I should get going. Gail, this is just a trial, okay? Only temporary. Gail: Absolutely. Only temporary. Um, look, are there rules? Can we talk to each other? Mitch: Of course we can talk to each other! You can call me whenever you need to. Gail: Go. Mitch: Bye Gail. *He leaves and Gail starts crying* *Cut to Dawson coming down the stairs into the kitchen where his mom is cutting onions.* Dawson: Mom, are you alright? Gail: *with hints in her voice that she's been crying* Uh, yeah, Dawson, I'm fine. It's just the onions. Dawson: Mom, I don't have to go to this dance. I'll stay home if you want me to. Gail: No, honey, everything's fine. I'm fine. Dawson: Can you turn around and tell me that? Gail: Why don't you go pick up Joey, honey? So you're not late for the dance. Go on. Dawson: Okay. *He leaves* *Cut to the school.* Andie: The light was clearly red, Pacey. Pacey: Oh no, it was turning red. I agree with you, red means stop. But if a light's turning red it's like an invitation to hit the gas. Andie: What? Dawson, Joey, hey! Dawson, you know my brother, Jack. Dawson: Yeah, we've met, unofficially. Andie: And Joey? *Joey nods and smiles, obviously awkward* Pacey: So... Dawson: Jen, hey! *Jen walks up* Jen: Dawson...everybody. Andie: Jen, this is Jack, my brother. Jen: Hi Jack, Andie's brother. Jack: Um, it's just Jack. Andie: So shall we? Joey: *to Dawson* Let's go. Dawson: Ready? Joey: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] *Cut to people dancing. timelapse. more dancing. Joey and Dawson are dancing and Dawson dips Joey and they smile and laugh. Jack and Andie are dancing and Andie waves Pacey to come dance and he shakes his head no. Cut to Abby walking towards Jen.* Abby: So. You decided to slum it after all. Jen: Hey Abby. Abby: I have to tell you, I love your dress. In fact, I have the same one...in a smaller size. *Cut to Joey and Dawson dancing. Joey bumps into Jack* Joey: Sorry. Jack: My fault. *slow song comes on* Dawson: Ah, more my speed. *Cut to Andie getting Jen* Andie: Jen, I have an idea. Why don't you dance with my brother Jack? Jen: Hi Brother Jack. Jack: It's actually just plain Jack...plain Jack. Jen: Oh, well let me ask you something just plain Jack. Do you get the feeling we're being set up here? *Jack looks over and Andie and Pacey. Andie waves enthusiastically.* Jack: Yeah. What makes you say that? *Cut to Pacey and Andie* Andie: Yeah, she's cute. Pacey: She's cute...he's cute..they've never met before, they're completely opposites and it's going to get ugly in about 20 minutes. Andie: Nu-uh. Pacey: Uh-huh. *Cut back to Dawson and Joey dancing* Dawson: So my dad drove off leaving my mom crying over the kitchen sink. God, what I wouldn't give now for them to go back to their coffee table s*x antics. Joey: I'm sorry, Dawson. Dawson: You know, I'm just going to let them work out their adolescent traumas on their own. Steer clear, but there is a bright side. Joey: What's that? Dawson: The coffee table's now available. *Cut to Jack and Jen dancing. Dawson is watching while he dances* Dawson: Well, well, well. I dare say they like each other. Joey: Jack and Jen? Dawson: Mm-hm. Andie and I played matchmaker tonight. Joey: Why would you do that Dawson? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. Dawson: They both need to meet new people. They're both single. Joey: Yeah, but Jack is this nice, sweet guy and Jen is this baracuda. It would never work. Dawson: Why are you getting so worked up about this? Joey: I'm not worked up, I just have an opinion that's all. Dawson: Well, alert the media. *They kiss* *Cut to Pacey and Andie* Andie: Come on, Pacey, what do you say? Wanna dance? Pacey: I told you McPhee. I don't dance. Andie: I don't believe you. I think you're holding out on me in some power move to keep control in this relationship. Pacey: What relationship? Andie: Ha ha. Come on, please, just a slow dance. Pacey: I told you, McPhee. I don't dance. This includes dances of all speeds, all types, and all cultures, including, but not limited to, fast dances, slow dances, and whatever Patrick Swayze was doing in Dirty Dancing. Andie: You know, Pacey, you can be so stubborn sometimes. Fine. If you don't want to dance with me, I'll just find someone who will. Pacey: Don't hurt the poor guy, would ya? *Pacey watches Kristy Livingstone dance with Brett.* *Cut to a slow song. Andie walks up to Jack and Jen.* Andie: Okay, time to switch partners. Jen: Actually, um, I think I'm going to go outside and get some air, but thanks for the dance, Jack. Jack: Sure anytime Jen. Andie: *she takes Jack over to Dawson and Joey* Okay, Dawson, guess it's just you and me because I do not intend to spend the entire evening dancing with my brother, so Jack, sweep your boss off her feet. *Andie and Dawson start dancing and Joey just stands there. It's awkward* Jack: So..uh..it's..*he puts his hands on her waist and she still just stands there* Jack: Look, Joey, I know you've been avoiding me. Joey: I haven't been avoiding you Jack! Jack: No, it's, I want you to know I take full responsibility. Joey: Full responsibility? Jack: For kissing you. I crossed the line. Joey: Yeah, you did, Jack. Because I have a boyfriend and you know that. And now because of kissing you, I feel guilty over nothing. In fact, I don't even think we should be having this conversation. *She walks off and Dawson watches her and Jack follows* *Cut to the hall. Joey is leaning against a wall. Jack comes out* Joey: Did I mention that you weren't supposed to follow me? Jack: I just want to apoligize. Joey: Okay, you apoligized. Noted. Jack: Wait, what are you so angry about? Joey: Why am I so angry? Because you didn't respect me or my relationship.What you did was so rude and inappropriate. Jack: No, no, I think there's something else going on here. Joey: What? Jack: It's all this anger you're expressing. It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't add up. Joey: What are you talking about? Jack: I don't think you're angry at me for kissing you. I think you're angry at yourself for kissing me back. *Jack turns to walk away and Dawson is standing there with an angered expression. Joey notices and her face falls. She runs to the bathroom* *Cut to the dance room. Abby is dancing with Brett* Abby: You know what I admire most about you, Brett? That you work each of your muscle groups equally. *Cut to Jen and Andie* Jen: Um, I wanted to thank you for inviting me tonight. I actually had a surprisingly good time. Andie: Why are you talking in past tense I mean the party's still going. Jen: I think it's about over for me. If you don't mind, I think I'm going to head home. Andie: Mind? Of course, I mind. We were just in the middle of a very interesting conversation sharing and getting to know each other and now you want to leave, just like that? *Jack walks up* Jack: I think I'm going to take off. Andie: Perfect! You can walk Jen home. Jack: Yeah. You wanna go? *Dawson comes up.* Dawson: Jack, what the hell happened? Jack: Look you really need to talk to Joey about this. Dawson: Yeah, I'm asking you. Jack: Look, it was a weird night. The moon was full. It just happened. Dawson: You kissed my girlfriend. Jack: Yeah, I did. I'm not going to apoligize for it, man, cause truth is, I'd do it again so let's just not make this into a high school romp alright? 'Cause neither of us are the type. *Dawson slugs Jack* Andie: Oh my God! Jen: Dawson, what are you doing?! *Dawson walks off* Abby: Nice punch, champ. I never knew he had so much testosterone. *Cut to Pacey walking out of the men's restroom and he sees Kristy standing in the hallway.* Pacey: Uh...hey Kristy! What are you doing out here all by yourself? Kristy: Thinking, you know. Pacey: About what? Kristy: The usual. Why my boyfriend will flirt with anything in a short skirt and why his self esteem won't stop him. Pacey: Well, if you need a boost you came to the right place. I know about 800 guys who would line up to replace Brett if he exited the picture. And that's just in this school. If you added the neighboring school districts we could probably triple that number. Kristy: Right.. Pacey: Are you joking? Look, I may not hang out with the beautiful people of Capeside but I like to think that I have the finger on a pulse of the common man and, believe me, that pulse quickens considerably when you walk by. Kristy: You're embarressing me, Pacey. Pacey: I'm sorry. I just, I thought you should know. Well, have a good night Kristy. Kristy: Pacey? Pacey: Yeah? Kristy: Are you one of them? Pacey: Excuse me? Kristy: I was just wondering if you were one of those quick pulses. Pacey: Yeah. Of course I am. I think you're incredible Kristy. You already know that. Kristy: You know, as lame as school dances can be, there's always that one moment that seems to make it worth while. So, what do you say Pacey? Will you dance with me? Pacey: Yeah. *They start dancing. Cut to Mitch in his hotel room staring at the phone. Gail in the Leery house sitting there. The phone rings* Gail: Hello? Hello? Mitch: Would you believe that I now have access to the Home Shopping Network 24 hours a day? Gail: *laughs* Hi. Mitch: How are ya? Gail: We have a big house. I never realized just how big our house was until tonight. I, um, I can still call it our house, can't I? Mitch: Yes. It is our house. Gail: I don't know, Mitch. I don't know if I can do this. Mitch: Yes you can because you have to Gail: But why? Why do I have to? Mitch: Because no matter how big our house is, right now it's far too small for the two of us. Gail: Well, just remember, Mitch. The door to this house is always open. Mitch: I will. Have a good night, Gail. Gail: Bye. *They hung up. Cut to Andie, Jack, and Jen* Andie: Are you guys going to get home okay? Jack: Yeah, we'll be fine. Nice work on the punch. Andie: Yeah, I see. Well, you better get out of here in case he wants a rematch. *They start to walk off* Jack: Hey, um, I'm sorry. Andie: *to Jen* You take care of him, okay? Jen: 'Kay. Bye. *Andie sees Pacey dancing with Kristy and she runs off as Pacey sees her* *Cut to Dawson exiting the school and Joey sits on the steps and follows him* Joey: Dawson...Dawson! Where are you going? Dawson: Home. Joey: No, look, I want to talk about this. Dawson: First you run away and now you want to talk. Joey: No, about the kiss. Dawson: I know all about the kiss. Joey: No you don't! Dawson: Joey, you kissed somebody else! What is there to know? Joey: It wasn't like th-- he kissed me and I just didn't... Dawson: Stop him. Joey: Look, Dawson, I'm sorry, okay? It was a mistake. A poor error in judgement and that's it. And for you to blow this into some earth shattering scene of cinematic proportions-- Dawson: Now, wait a minute! You're not going to do that to me. Joey: Do what? Dawson: Use who I am against me to divert from the fact you screwed up. Joey: I said I was sorry what else do you want me to say? Dawson: There's nothing you can say, Joey! There's no justifiable reason for a girl who spent the last 15 years of her life pretending that I was the only thing she wanted ended up kissing some other guy and lying about it. Joey: I didn't lie to you Dawson. That kiss was not my doing. Dawson: Not your doing? Joey: Yeah! Dawson: What did you physically leave your body the moment your lips touched his? Joey: Don't do this. Don't punish me just to make yourself feel better. Dawson: So I'm the bad guy. Joey: Yeah, I guess you are. Dawson: You cheat on me and I'm the bad guy! Joey: Yes! Don't you get it? This isn't about some stupid kiss, Dawson! Dawson: It's about us. Joey: No! It's about me! For once, it's about me, Dawson, and that's what I've been trying to tell you! *Dawson notices a group has gathered to listen to them bicker and he walks off leaving Joey* *Cut to Jen and Jack and Jen's house* Jen: Well, this is my stop. Jack: Alright, um.. Jen: Oh my goodness, it's really starting to swell. Jack: Yeah, um, I made a scene when I should of just left things alone. Jen: You really like her, don't ya? Jack: What makes you say that? Jen: Well, I can't think of a guy who'd take a punch like that over a girl he doesn't even like. Jack: Well, maybe I have no chance, but I've always been sort of a sucker for lost causes so.. Jen: You're a romantic. There's nothing wrong with that. Jack: Romantic? That's like a nice word for loser. *Jen laughs* Jen: Ice...you should really get some ice on that. And I should.. Jack: Really go inside. Jen: Hey, you know, Jack, um, I had a really good time tonight and I think I've got you to thank for that. Jack: Why? I didn't do anything. Jen: No but when you were with me, you did a really good job of pretending you didn't want to be with somebody else. 'Night. Jack: Goodnight Jen. Jen: Jack? Jack: Yeah? Jen: Keep fighting for your lost causes. You never know when your luck might change. *Cut to Mitch Leery pulling up in his car and looking through the window at Gail. He drives away. Cut to Andie on the dock. Pacey walks up* Andie: I thought you didn't dance, Pacey. Pacey: You know, I've been looking for you. I've been looking everywhere for ya. Andie: You said you didn't dance, Pacey. Pacey: What? Did you see me out there? You can hardly call that dancing. Andie: You're right. I call it foreplay. But then again, we don't owe any explanations to each other, do we? We're just sparring partners right? We don't mean any more to each other than that. Pacey: That's not true. You know that's not true, Andie. I mean, I was having a wonderful time with you tonight. I was. It's just when I ran into Kristy, I just...I got swept up in the moment. Andie: Well, it's too bad I'm not the kind of girl who can sweep you away. Pacey: Come on, Andie, come on. You know that's not what I meant. It's just Kristy..she's like a fantasy. Don't tell me you've never wanted to act out a fantasy. Even if just for a moment. Andie: Yeah I was trying to act out a fantasy all night. Pacey: Why do you like me? Andie: What? Pacey: Why do you like me? I'm a screw up, Andie. I'm thoughtless. I'm insecure. And for the life of me, I can not understand why I woman like you would bother to care about me. Andie: God, I don't know, Pacey, because you're funny and you're kind and you don't judge people. You make me feel good about myself. I mean, you didn't run screaming from the house the other day when you met my crazy ol' mother. And you're smart. I mean, I don't know where you get this whole loser complex because you are so smart. And you spar better with me than anyone. And you're sharp, and you're witty, and you're brilliant. And this is more than you deserve right now. Pacey: I know, I know. Andie, I know. I'm really, truly sorry. I am. I'm sorrier than I've been in a long time. The moment that I spent with Kristy, the moment that's going to make the whole night worth while, I was with the wrong person. I want to spend that moment with you. Andie: Well, we're certainly having one now, aren't we? Pacey: Would you please dance with me Miss McPhee? Andie: I'd love to. *They start dancing* Pacey: Sharp, witty, and brilliant, huh? Anything you care to add to that? Andie: If you think I find this charming, Pacey, you're majorly deluded. Pacey: Of course not, how could you? I'm a witless boar. Andie: Oafish clod. Pacey: Major cat. Kiss me? Andie: Thought you'd never ask. *They kiss* *Cut to Dawson's room. He enters and Joey's sitting there and she's obviously been crying* Dawson: Joey.. Joey: Dawson, I am so sorry. Dawson: What happened Joey? Joey: I told you, Jack kissed me and-- Dawson: No, not Jack. This is not about Jack. About us. What is going on between us? Joey: I don't know, Dawson. Dawson: Ever since we got together I feel like you've been pulling away from me. I thought this was what you wanted, you know? I thought I was what you wanted. Joey: You are. Dawson: Am I? Joey: You're what I'm going to want, Dawson. Dawson: What does that mean? Joey: For so long, all I've thought about was you. All I dreamed about was you. Dawson: What happened? Joey: I got my dream and now I feel like I don't have anything else. I mean, you have your future so perfectly planned, Dawson, you know exactly what you want to do, what you want to accomplish, and I don't even know who I am, let alone who I want to be or accomplish and I need to figure that out. I need to find my something. Dawson: So go find it. Joey: It can't include you, Dawson. It has to be my doing, and mine alone. You make me so happy, you know? But I have to make myself happy first. That's probably the one thing in this whole world that you can't do for me. Dawson: So what are you saying? *Joey gets up and heads towards the window. Dawson gets up confused* Dawson: Joey? Joey, no, Joey! I..I love you. *Joey turns around. She walks back towards him* Joey: I love you, too, Dawson. *They start to lean in to kiss but Joey stops herself and turns back towards the window* Dawson: Wait, b-b-but how can it be over? We can't just say I love you for the first time and have it be over! Joey: I have to go, Dawson. Goodnight. *Joey climbs out the window and leans up against the house with her eyes closed. Dawson is mad and he flings stuff in his room and then he climbs out the window and watches Joey run away towards her house. He kicks the ladder down in anger.*

Two tragedies rock Dawson's world. First he learns the awful truth about his parents' marriage. Then, at the Homecoming dance, he witnesses a heated moment between Joey and Jack, during which their illicit kiss is revealed. Dawson is heartbroken as his lifelong friendship and newfound romance with Joey is shattered. The big night also introduces Jen and Jack for the first time. Pacey tries to open his heart to Andie, but something she witnesses ends up hurting her.

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(Theme music playing) (Campers clamoring) (Panting) (Sighing) Emma: Excuse me, sir. Can you have these delivered to my room? Gladys: Geez! You don't shave your legs for one month, and suddenly you're a "sir." Emma: I haven't even looked at your legs yet. Ravi Ross, a pleasure. Ravi: You must be Ms. Gladys, the proprietor. Thank you for letting Mrs. Kipling come to camp. (Mrs. Kipling groaning) I assure you, the odds of her eating any campers are very remote. Zuri: I would still hide the bite-size kids. (Mrs. Kipling groaning) Gladys: Aren't there supposed to be four of you? Zuri: Our brother, Luke, got stuck in summer school. Probably because he can't spell either of those words. Gladys: Check cleared, don't care. Sign in with my niece. (Campers cheering) Hazel, these are the Rosses. I met your parents right here when we were 16. Your dad was a stone-cold fox. (Growling) Zuri: Could've gone my whole life without hearing that. Hazel: My aunt's always talking about your mom. (Chuckles) She hates her. Gladys: With every bone in my body, including my artificial hip. I loved your father, but your mom stole him from me. Plus the title of "Best Counselor," and any chance I ever had at having a happy life! Emma: No offense, but you guys are the worst welcoming committee ever. Note to self, start digging escape tunnel tonight. Gladys: By the way, phones aren't allowed at camp. Hand it over. Emma: (Scoffing) No! Back off, mister! [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Woodchuck Cabin ] Emma: Oh! Tiffany: (Shushing) I'm studying for the national spelling bee! If I don't win, my mom won't let me come home. My brother lost last year, and I haven't seen him in 10 months. Lou: Welcome! I'm Lou, camp counselor and head Woodchuck in charge! (Chitters) (Emma grunting) (Bones cracking) Emma: I'm Emma. I'd hug you back, but you just separated my shoulder. (Bones cracking) Lou: Oops! My bad. We'll make you a sling in arts and crafts. So, you're my new counselor in training? Let the training begin. (Yelling) Sit! JK! (Laughing) Emma: (Sighs) Lou: No, seriously. Sit, or you're goin' in the crate! JK again! I'm all about the JKs! LOL! (Nervous giggle) Emma: OMG! Lou: So, how many years of camp experience do you have? Emma: None. Lou: But you like kids, right? Emma: Not really. They're sticky. Lou: So why do you want to be a camp counselor? Emma: Oh, I don't. But my mom thought it would be good for me. I guess she was some sort of super counselor, so now she expects me to live up to that. Lou: Good luck! Christina Ross is a legend around here. They say she could assemble a s'more in two seconds flat, and her dreamcatchers actually caught dreams! Gladys: She caught mine! Emma: And mine! I should be in Milan for Fashion Week, but instead I'm stuck here picking bugs out of my teeth! Lou: (Snaps fingers) Nature's popcorn. Speaking of fashion, I hate to brag, but I'm a cover girl. Emma: Really? Lou: Yep! Four-H Digest. The big fall flea and tick issue. Zuri: If we run fast enough, we might be able to catch the limo. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Grizzly's Cabin ] Ravi: Greetings, bunk mate! Xander: Hey! Uh... Whoa! (Mrs. Kipling groaning) Uh, I think that alligator thingy ate your pet. Ravi: That alligator thingy is my pet. Xander: Oh, that explains the cage. I just thought we were getting a really creepy kid. (Mrs. Kipling groaning) Ravi: Ravi Gupta Balasubramanium Ross, your new CIT eagerly reporting for duty, sir! Xander: I'm Xander. Ravi: Oh. So what are the cabin rules? Xander: I'm not really big on rules. Except always wear shower shoes. I once got fungus so bad, I lost a toenail. But it's cool, 'cause now I use it as a guitar pick. Ravi: You know those cost, like, five cents, right? Jorge: Hey, dudes! I'm Jorge. Mind if I take this bunk? Ravi: Actually, that is my... Jorge: Dude, trust me. You want me to sleep downwind! Especially on burrito night. I once had a 23-minute fart! Ravi: That seems medically impossible. Xander: Although handy if we go hot-air ballooning. Jorge: That's why the aliens abducted me. I'm special. Ravi: Well, parts of you clearly are. So let me guess. The aliens probed you? Jorge: Of course not! They just invited me for brunch. You're weird. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. ] (Xander playing guitar) (All applauding) Hazel: Xander, that was awesome! Can I have your pick? Xander: Sure. (Retches) Lou: Then during free time tomorrow, we can dive for mud dabs, and connect your mosquito bites to see what shape they make! Look, mine make Abe Lincoln! Emma: (Gasping) Whoa! That supes cute guy is here and you led with mud dabs? (Halting scratch) Lou: Where did that wind come from? Xander: Whoa! I think I'm in love. Hazel: Finally! Let's get married after the tetherball tournament! Xander: Hi, I'm Xander. Emma: I'm Emma. I'm nauseous. Lou: Ooh! Looks like Cupid just shot an arrow. Hazel: I hope it goes in her eye and out her ear. Lou: Little Woodchuck wisdom, don't go to the archery range with her. (Blowing whistle) Gladys: Campers, welcome to Camp Kikiwaka! Except for you, Timmy. Your parents' check bounced. You can sleep by the front gate. Hopefully, they'll pick you up in the morning. (Tribal drums playing) Ki-ki-wa-ka! All: Ki-ki-wa-ka! Ki-ki-wa-ka! Ki-ki-wa-ka! Ravi: Okay, this is a cult. Taxi! Gladys: We pay homage to Kikiwaka, the giant, ravenous demon beast who roams these woods! Zuri: Say what now? Gladys: Ki-ki-wa-ka! Hear me and leave these campers in peace! Emma: Did she just say "in pieces"? Gladys: With the blessing of Kikiwaka, our summer revels commence! Remember to pick up your trash. Zuri: Tiffany, aren't you scared of the Kikiwaka? Nope. Nothing's scarier than my mom if I don't get an A. Hazel: Listen, cheekbones, Xander is mine. No, I'm not. So you should go back to New York before one of those long legs ends up in a bear trap. See you at the friendship circle. (Sighs) Lou: She's not really good with new people. Or old people. Or any people. Gladys over PA: Attention, campers! Time for the obstacle course. The winning cabin gets to have a pizza party, while I just continue the obstacle course that is my life. (Arrow released) (Gasps) Emma: Is archery part of the obstacle course? Lou: Nope. (Whistling) Jorge: Ravi, what are you doing? Ravi: Obviously, as your counselor-in-training, I am demonstrating what not to do. Jorge: Dude, you're embarrassing Grizzly Cabin! And men in general! Xander: I think Ravi's doing great, considering he could barely pick up his egg for the egg race. Ravi: It was a jumbo! What do they feed those chickens? Zuri: Whoo-hoo! That was fun. TIffany: Fun? Forget fun! Focus! Thanks to your pathetic performance on this bouncy house, our cabin is behind! Zuri: Tiffany, it's just a game. Who cares? Tiffany: I care! Because if we don't win "best cabin," then I can't win "best camper," and if I don't win "best camper," I won't get into Harvard, which means I won't get into Harvard Medical School, which means I'll never become a top doctor, which will kill my mother! Do you want to kill my mother? Zuri: No, but I do want to talk to her about her parenting skills. Hazel: So Woodchuck Cabin is losing, Your campers are turning on each other... (Gasps) Great leadership, Emma! Lou: She is a good leader! Just ask our campers. Tiffany: Which one's Emma again? (Laughs mockingly) Hazel: You should just go home now. As a CIT, you're DOA. Lou: She is not! She has legendary counselor Christina Ross' blood running through her veins! Emma: And I'd like to keep it there, so let's not get the girl with access to arrows angry. Ah! Look, I'm doing it! Lou: That's my bunk buddy, people! Hazel: Hey, Emma, catch! (Screams) (All laughing) Let's see how Xander likes Little Miss Perfect now. Xander: Emma! (Panting) Emma, are you okay? Emma: Well, I'm better than those worms I just fell on. Oh! Lou: A pretty girl covered in mud, and you thought he wasn't going to like that? What's next? You hand her a tray of hot wings and have her turn on football? [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Woodchuck Cabin ] (Sharp violin playing) Emma: I can't believe there's still mud in my ears. Zuri: Lucky you. At least you don't have to listen to Tiffany's violin. Give it a rest! Tiffany: Stop screaming at Violet! She's very high-strung! Emma: Today was a disaster. Instead of being a super counselor like Mom, I'm the lamest CIT ever. Lou: You are not! You're much better than my last CIT, Tammy. She took the kids to pet the hibernating bears. Emma: Bears don't hibernate in the summer. Lou: Exactly! It was a lot of paperwork. Emma: Okay... But I was humiliated in front of the whole camp. Plus, Hazel's never going to let Xander near me. Lou: At least not while you're still breathing. Sorry, that sounded much more supportive in my head. (Gasps) Emma: Yay! Xander sent me a text on paper! Lou: Think that's called a note. Emma: He wants me to sneak out tonight and meet him at The Spot! Lou: Whoo-wee! The Spot is the place in the woods where the kids go to... You know. Zuri: Get electrocuted? Tiffany: You can't sneak out! That could give our cabin demerits! Lou: So? Tiffany: So, that goes on my permanent record! Zuri: (Groans) It's camp! The only permanent records they keep are how many kids get diarrhea from the lousy food! (Stomach rumbling loudly) Uh-oh! I think it's about to be one more. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. The Spot ] Emma: Would you please go back to the cabin? Zuri: Not happening! I don't know what's more toxic, Tiffany's attitude, or what I left in that toilet! (Exclaims) Emma: Are you okay? Zuri: What made this giant footprint? Emma: Uh, a giant foot, duh. (Snarling) (Shrieks) I'm really hoping that's your stomach. Zuri: Nope. (Snarling) Emma: Do you think it's the Kikiwaka? Zuri: I don't know. Why don't you stay here and ask it? (Both groaning) (Grunts) Jorge: Yes! I win! Ravi: No, you do not. You moved the table. Jorge: Hey, all's fair in love and pool. Ravi: That is not a saying. Jorge: It is on planet Zorb. Dude, why are you such a buzzkill? Ravi: I am not a killer of the buzz! As your counselor-in-training, it is my duty to teach you to follow the rules! Xander: Bro, you just defined "buzzkill." Hazel: Hey, Xander. I made you hot wings. Want a bite? Xander: I don't think she's talking about the wings. Lou: Come on! Come on! Tiffany: Lou, I don't have time to play foosball! I need to finish my college applications! Lou: That's seven years from now! Tiffany: I'm applying really early admission. Lou: Xander? You're supposed to be with Emma. Why are you here? Hazel: Because he'd rather be with me. Xander: I never said that! Did anybody hear me say that? Lou: Emma went to The Spot because you sent her that note telling her to meet you there. Xander: I didn't send her any note. Lou: Uh-oh. This Woodchuck... (Chitters) (Sniffs) .. Smells a rat. Ravi: Oh, that is Jorge. He refuses to shower. Lou: Gee, who would want to send Emma out into the woods? I'm looking at you, Hazel. Right where your soul should be! Violet: Emma's not alone. She's with Zuri. That's right, Violet. That mean little girl is gone. Hazel: Why don't you all leave, so Xander and I can play a little nine ball? Rack 'em! Xander: No! There will be no racking! We have to go find Emma and Zuri! Hazel: (Sighs) Oh, okay. Let's use the buddy system. I pick Xander! [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. The Spot ] All: Emma! Zuri! Jorge: Uh-oh. I see something really scary! Tiffany: Is it my mom? Jorge: No. It's a giant footprint. (Rustling in bushes) Xander: Shh! (Growling) (All screaming) (Both screaming) Lou: (Exhales) Wow, you are lighter than a chicken, and their bones are hollow! (Louder growling) (All screaming) Xander: Ow! Emma! Emma: Xander! Hazel: (Flatly) Yay, we found her. Ravi: I still cannot believe you sent my sisters off into the woods to become Kikiwaka kebabs. Zuri: You sent Emma that note? Emma: (Scoffs) So, first you shoot an arrow at me, then you knock me into the mud, and then you send me off into the woods to die? (Scoffs) I'm starting to think you don't like me. (Growling) Xander:It's coming! Get up the tree! (All shouting) All: Ahh! Hazel: (In a sing-song voice) Xander and Hazel sittin' in a tree. Lou: G-A-G-G-I-N-G. Tiffany: No one told me there was gonna be a spelling bee! (Growling) (All screaming) Jorge: (Speaking Spanish) Don't take me now god! I am so close to puberty! Tiffany: (Speaking mandarin) I should have told my mom to back off! Ravi: (Speaking Hindi) We are doomed! Emma: Ugh, Ravi, we are not doomed! Xander: You understood him? Emma: Ravi panics a lot, so I've picked up a little Hindi. (Growling) (All screaming) Emma: Okay, look, everyone needs to calm down. I'm going to get us out of this! Hazel: Why should we listen to you, you boyfriend snatcher? Emma: Because everything you've put me through has taught me I'm tougher than I thought. Now, let's scare this thing off! Lou: Good idea! Hazel, go down and ask it for a date. Hazel: Xandy, are you going to let them talk about me like that? Xander: Yes. I would high five them if I weren't so afraid to let go of this branch. Emma: Okay, we know animals are scared of bright lights... Ravi: Oh! We all have flashlights! (Ravi gasps) Emma: Oh! Ravi: You all have flashlights! Emma: We also know they hate loud, annoying noises. Zuri: Like Tiffany's violin! Sorry. Lou: And sometimes offensive odors will drive animals off! All: Jorge's farts! Jorge: I'm on it! Emma: Okay, all in favor of attacking this thing, instead of just sitting here waiting to be eaten, say "Aye!" All: Aye! (All screaming) Tiffany: (Violin screeching) Jorge: (Loud, extended fart) (Creature yowling) (All coughing)[/i] Jorge: Is it gone? Lou: (Gagging) After that fart, there's nothing alive within 100 miles. Ravi: I cannot focus my eyes! Tiffany: That was superior screeching, Zuri Ross. Zuri: Thanks, Tiff. And your violin never sounded better. Xander: Emma, your plan worked! Lou: Way to be a leader, Woodchuck. I think your mom would be really proud of you. Emma: Thank you, Lou. Lou: Don't you agree, Hazel? Hazel: Maybe. But don't get cocky. Remember, I'm the head counselor here, so what I say goes. Follow me! Lou: Camp's the other way. Hazel: I knew that! Gladys: Geez, you try to have a little fun by terrorizing some campers, and you get a pinecone to the head. (Grunts) I hate kids! [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Camp Kikiwaka ] Emma: Okay, I think I've got it. (Chittering rhythmically) Lou: Perfect! (Chittering rhythmically) Aww! My little Woodchuck's all grown up! Emma: You know, my mom was right. I think this is going to be a pretty good summer. Lou: Wait till I teach you how to give a porcupine a French braid. Hurts like heck, but they look so darn adorable! Gladys: Attention, campers! I have been informed that there was a Kikiwaka close encounter last night. All: Whoa! Gladys: I haven't had a close encounter since last July 4th at the Moose Lodge. I'm so lonely! Oh! Zuri: That was one unlucky moose. Ravi: We encountered the Kikiwaka! That was us. (All applauding) Gladys: And for the last ding dang time, it is one thing to pee in the lake, but it is completely unacceptable to leave a number two in a canoe! Jorge: What? The signs around here are really confusing. Gladys: So instead, we'll be racing inner tubes today. Last person to the lake has to clean the canoe! Xander: ♪ Here we go ♪ ♪ We're leaving the city behind right now ♪ ♪ Let's gather by the campfire light ♪ ♪ And sing this song ♪ All: ♪ Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ Hanging out with someone new ♪ ♪ Then falling out of a camp canoe ♪ ♪ What's that smell? It's on your shoe ♪ All: ♪ Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ Got a s'more in my hair ♪ ♪ Mosquitos in our underwear ♪ ♪ Shower's broke but we don't care ♪ All: ♪ Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ This is our home away from home away from home away from home ♪ ♪ But watch your back A bear just ate my phone ♪ All: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ (All cheering and applauding) Uh, Hazel, three's a crowd. Hazel: Oh, did you hear that, Emma? Get lost. Emma: You already tried that last night, remember? Lou: Wow, last time the bonfire was this big, Gladys had dropped her canteen in it. Zuri: That's because I threw in all of Tiffany's flashcards. Tiffany: What? Zuri: I'm going to make sure you have fun this summer, if it's the last thing I ever do. Tiffany: If my mom hears about this, it will be. Although it might be nice to have a little fun for a change. Great! Zuri: Tonight, I'll teach you how to hollow out your mattress to hide stuff. With your book smarts and my street smarts, we're going to rule this camp! Ravi: Oh! Jorge, move back! You are supposed to melt the marshmallow, not your face. Jorge: Hey, compared to what the aliens did to me, that would be nothing. After brunch, it got ugly. Zuri: Hey, guys, do you think the Kikiwaka's gonna come back tonight? Ravi: Not if he knows Jorge had burritos for dinner. Gladys: Ha! Dopey kids. They'll believe anything. Campers: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ (Growling and snarling)

The Rosses arrive at Camp Kikiwaka. The camp's owner Gladys, seems to be even scarier than a legendary creature that stalk the camp. With the help of her niece Hazel Heidi, the two are out to get the Ross kids, due to an old rivalry with Christina Ross.

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[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. DESERT ROAD - DAY] CU: LIZARD ON A ROCK (A lizard is on a rock in the middle of the road.) (Officer cars rush down the road and are headed toward the lizard. Sirens blare. The lead car suddenly turns right and smashes through the wooden fence. The other cars follow.) [EXT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - DAY] (The officer cars rush down the long driveway and stop in front of a house complete with pigs in a sty out front. Car doors open and officers with their guns out take position behind the doors. The SWAT team moves out toward the house. Brass gets out of the car and yells through the bullhorn.) Brass: Hank Connors, Las Vegas Police. Come out with your hands above your head. Come out slowly. (Gunfire erupts from the house. Officers duck as bullets shatter car glass.) (The officers return fire.) (A couple of SWAT move in closer and take cover behind an old tractor.) (The gunfire from the house continues.) (The two SWAT officers move in closer to the house. One of them is hit.) Brass: Officer down! (They continue to exchange gunfire.) Hank Connors: (shouts) Go back where you came from! You're not taking me! (He continues to fire on the officers outside.) (He stops and looks outside.) SLOW MOTION: Three SWAT officers move in toward the house. (Hank Connors takes a moment, then he runs into the house.) (The officers reach the front porch.) [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS] (Hank Connors makes his way through the hallway to the door in the back.) [EXT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - FRONT PORCH -C ONTINUOUS] (One of the officers kicks the front door in.) [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - BACK DOOR - CONTINUOUS] (Hank Connors stops in front of the back door and turns around to look inside, his back to the door.) [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS] (SWAT officers enter the house and head for the hallway.) REVERSE VIEW (The SWAT officers appear in the hallway entrance and make their way toward the back door.) (Hank Connor appears to stand in front of the back door.) (SWAT officers continue to make their way toward him.) (Hank Connor grabs a gun, puts it under his chin and -- BANG! (Blood spatters on the back door window.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM / HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS] (The guns found in the house are on the table. Nick walks in and heads for the hallway where Hank Connor's body is slumped up against the back door.) (Along the hallway walls, Nick notes the guns and ammunition stacked on the side. He stops in front of the body and notes the handgun in the victim's grip. He also notes the large water bottles in the room beyond the back door.) (Brass enters the hallway.) Brass: MREs, automatic weapons, ammo, water -- this guy Connors was ready for the end of days. Nick: Which, in his case, was today. Bomb squad find any booby traps? Brass: No, he liked it mano a mano. Nick: Any sign of Chyna De Vere? Brass: Not yet. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - FRONT YARD -- DAY] (Grissom and Warrick walk along the side of the house where the pigs in the pen are.) Warrick: You know, there's some food, you just shouldn't see where it comes from. Grissom: Did you know that pigs are very intelligent animals, right behind chimps, dolphins and elephants? Warrick: Ahead of dogs? Grissom: And certain politicians. (Warrick chuckles.) (They look around.) Warrick: I don't see Connors' truck anywhere. Grissom: Let's look in the barn. (They head for the barn.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - BARN -- DAY] (The cat runs down the steps and out the door as it opens. Grissom and Warrick walk in.) Warrick: There's the truck. (Warrick steps up to the area where the blue truck is parked. He and Grissom look at the truck. They find bloodstains in the bed.) Warrick: If this is Chyna De Vere's blood, we're getting warmer. (Warrick snaps photos of the blood. Grissom turns and looks around the barn. They note the items on the desk and the stuffed animals on the side.) Warrick: Looks like he had a hobby -- stuffed animals. (Warrick stops near the table and looks at the items on it while Grissom continues toward the other side of the barn. He looks at the various stuffed animal heads up on the wall.) Grissom: Hey, Warrick. Warrick: Yeah? Grissom: I feel like Marco Polo. (Warrick heads over toward Grissom.) Warrick: Why's that? Grissom: I just discovered Chyna. (Chyna's head is mounted up on the wall.) FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - BARN -- DAY] (David Phillips is standing up on a chair and looking at Chyna's head up on the wall.) David Phillips: This is a career first. (Warrick is working on the table in the back.) Warrick: A little tip for you: The new Mrs. Phillips doesn't need to hear about this. David Phillips: Are you kidding me? She'll want to hear every detail. Why do you think I married her? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - FRONT YARD -- DAY] (Sara walks around the house and finds Nick in the sty with the pigs and the mud. He's trying to round them up.) Nick: Come on, pretty girl, come on. (The pigs squeal. Sara watches him.) Nick: Come on. Sara: Hi. Nick: Hey. Sara: What are you doing? Nick: Well, I read about this farmer in Canada who killed a bunch of women and fed them to his pigs. Sara: Oh. Nick: Yeah, their health department had to put out a bulletin that said, "Warning: your pork may be contaminated with human." (Nick pushes a pig toward the container opening.) Sara: I'm so glad I'm a vegetarian. (The pig snorts as Nick grabs him and pushes him through the opening.) Nick: Get through there! (The pig goes through the opening.) Nick: Well, no one has seen or heard from the victim's husband, so ... I kind of figured he may have been dessert. (Nick herds another pig to the opening.) Sara: I think the fat one likes you. (Nick smiles and sighs at Sara.) Nick: They always do. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY] (Greg and Catherine walk into the lab.) Greg: We went to Connors' ranch because a week ago, Chyna De Vere went missing. She just separated from her husband, got her own place. (They stop in front of a large piece of carpeting on the floor.) Greg: This is a large section of her living room carpet -- wet to the touch, pheno confirmed a blood pool. Catherine: Well, it's certainly enough blood to suggest foul play. (Greg looks through the file.) Greg: There were also traces of perchloroethylene, phosphates, alcohol, ethers and sodium hypocholorite. Catherine: Used a steam cleaner. Would've denatured any DNA. (She stands up and walks around the carpeting.) Greg: Yeah, we checked all the local places that rent them. Connors' name didn't come up. Catherine: How about the husband's? Greg: Nope. And he's still missing. Catherine: So what's this? (She points to a circle on the carpet marked GS 102.) Greg: That is a single, distinct blood drop -- not from the victim, not from the husband. They didn't clean the whole carpet. Unknown female. We also found soil trace, identified as scheelite, a tungsten ore. Apparently, Connors' ranch is near old tungsten mines by McCade. Catherine: (shakes her head) How is Connors, this pig farmer, connected to the victim? Greg: Oh, he's in kind of a club with the victim's husband. Catherine: Kind of a club? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - BACK ROOM -- DAY] (Grissom flips through a book of drawings of aliens, UFOs and other unidentified creatures. He closes the book to look at the title, "To Walk Among Us.") (He puts the book down. The next book on the bookshelf is, "Serpents of the Universe: A Comprehensive Account of the Reptilian Conspiracy.") (He turns and looks at the various items on the table - UFO magazines, a photo, tin foil, tape. He picks up the photo of two men and a woman. He puts the photo down and opens a magazine to a yellow flyer. It reads: APRIL 15, 2006 FRIENDSHIP AUDITORIUM McCADE, NEVADA SPECIAL PRESENTATION BASED ON THE WORK OF DR. SIDNEY BUCKMAN WE ARE NOT ALONE. COME HEAR THE TRUTH. ) (He picks up the flyer and looks at it.) [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM / BACK ROOM -- DAY] (Sara walks into the house as the coroners are wheeling out the body. She walks through the hallway and into the back room where Grissom is.) Sara: Want me to take the living room? Looks like Armageddon came on a Thursday. Grissom: Do you believe that intelligent life exists on other planets? Sara: I'm not sure there's intelligent life on this planet. (He gives her a look.) Sara: I'll get started. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Brass walks in and talks with Shannon Turner.) Brass: Ms. Turner. Shannon Turner: I already went through this a week ago. Brass: You know, you're right. But let's go through it again. Chyna De Vere is dead. And her remains were found on your boyfriend's ranch. Shannon Turner: Yeah, not my boyfriend -- my friend. And furthermore, I never knew Chyna De Vere. Brass: She wasn't a member of your club? Shannon Turner: No. If she was, I would have known her, and I didn't. Brass: Her husband was. And he's MIA. You know, the club's getting smaller and smaller by the minute. This morning, Hank Connors died. (Shannon Turner appears shocked and upset by the news.) Brass: When we went up there to arrest your friend, he shot himself. And I'm getting the feeling that you're going to be missing a meeting, too. Look, Shannon, you alibied a killer. You're already an accessory to one murder. If Hank Connors killed Chyna's husband, too ... Shannon Turner: Oh. Oh, is that what you think happened? Brass: Tell me where he is. Hmm? You know, this can work in your favor with the DA. Shannon Turner: Oh, you know what? I'm not really worried about that. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - BACK ROOM -- DAY] (Grissom is looking at the notices and clippings pinned to the bulletin board. He looks around and notices the pull-down projector screen up on the ceiling. He pulls down the projector screen and looks around for the projector.) (At the end of the room, the projector is set up in the closet. Grissom turns the closet light on and switches on the projector.) (The image of Dr. Sidney Buckman appears on the screen.) Sidney Buckman: Adam and Eve were not only the first humans on the Earth, they were bait ... for intelligent life forms elsewhere in the cosmos, refugees from planets that could no longer sustain them. But why Earth? Deoxyribonucleic acid. DNA. The blueprint of human life is the key to their survival. Without it, they will perish. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (The door opens and Greg walks in with his kit.) Greg: Hi, Ms. Turner. My name's Greg Sanders; I'm with the Crime Lab. I have a warrant to take a sample of your DNA. (He puts his kit on the table and gives the warrant to her.) Shannon Turner: You're not touching me. Greg: Well, ma'am, this is standard procedure. (Greg opens his kit and takes out a swab.) Shannon Turner: I know who you are. Greg: I'm just going to swab the inside of ... (He approaches her with the swab. She stands up and violently pushes him away from her.) Shannon Turner: Hey! Not! (The woman officer grabs her and holds her as she struggles.) Officer: Calm down. Shannon Turner: Get off of me! Officer: Calm down, ma'am. Calm down. Shannon Turner: All of you get away from me! Get him away from ... ! Officer: Calm down. (They force her to sit down on the floor.) Shannon Turner: No! Greg: Let's try this again. (He tries to get the swab in her mouth and she bites down on his hand.) Officer: Let go of his hand! Let go of his hand, ma'am. (Greg looks at the bite mark on his hand.) Greg: That bitch bit me. (Greg turns and swabs her saliva from his hand.) Greg: I got my sample. (He turns and heads back to his kit.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - BACK ROOM -- DAY] (Grissom continues to watch the film.) Sidney Buckman: (on film) The first encounters between humans and extraterrestrials took place over a hundred thousand years ago in Atlantis, and in its sister civilization in the Pacific, Lemuria. Ancient civilizations on every continent have recorded evidence of these encounters. These visitors were highly advanced and did not appear in human form. Now, the Mayans called them Chanes -- people of the serpents-- and in Hebrew legend, the snake represented knowledge. Of course it did. It was not human. Not of this Earth. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TURNER RESIDENCE - DAY] (Catherine and Brass walk into the living room. Catherine puts her kit down while Brass looks at the books on the shelf.) Brass: Shannon sure has a lot of books. (There are titles for 'Foundation for "A Course in Miracles"', 'Flying Saucers: Top Secret,' 'The Handbook of Artificial Intelligence,' 'Astronomy: The Cosmic Journey,' and A Different Approach to Cosmology. ) Brass: UFO's, alien abduction ... (Catherine is looking at the mail on the desk. She flips the card over. The address on the other side is to: SHANNON TURNER 1654 HILLIS AVE LAS VEGAS NV 89101 ) Catherine: Chyna was a dealer at the Palermo. Looks like Shannon was a player. Gold level. (The card is for PALERMO PLAYER'S CLUB, LOOSEST SLOTS IN VEGAS. WORLD-CLASS BUFFET GOLD LEVEL MEMBERS - ½ OFF EARN POINTS FOR CASH GOLD LEVEL MEMBERS - EARN DOUBLE POINTS ON TUESDAYS EXCLUSIVE OFFER ONLY FOR GOLD LEVEL MEMBERS LIKE YOU! ) Brass: Yeah, tell me they never met. We'll check the Palermo security. (Catherine opens the desk drawer and takes out a sketchbook. Brass walks over as Catherine flips through it. She sees sketches of various designs and reptilian creatures.) Catherine: Reptiles ... UFOs ... (She turns the page over to a sketch of a warrior woman.) Brass: Xena, Warrior Princess. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - BACK ROOM -- DAY] (Grissom continues to watch the film.) Sidney Buckman: (on film) History is replete with stories of the heroic destruction of serpents: Perseus and Medusa, St. George and the Dragon, St. Patrick and the Snakes of Ireland. (Sara walks in and stops to watch the film with Grissom.) Sidney Buckman: (on film) But these are not merely legends ... Sara: What is this? Grissom: I think their UFO club is based on the teachings of this guy. Sidney Buckman: (on film) ... and the natural form of these invaders is not human. They are described in ancient accounts as serpents and dragons. And man's weapon against them is the sword. Cut off the tail, the serpent lives. Cut off its head, and it dies. Sara: So Connors cut off her head because he thought she was a serpent from outer space? (Grissom turns and looks at her. The film ends.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TURNER RESIDENCE - DAY] (Catherine continues to flip through the sketchbook to show more reptilian creatures. Brass is in the kitchen.) Brass: Catherine ... check this out. (Catherine heads for the kitchen. Brass shows her a mug with a photo of Preston De Vere and Shannon Turner. The caption reads: Chillin' in Cabo.) Brass: Chyna De Vere's husband, Preston. Catherine: What's Shannon doing with him? Brass: "Chillin' in Cabo." (Catherine sees something black like a handle up on the top cabinet shelf. She takes the stepladder out to see what it is.) (A brown cat trots into the kitchen.) Brass: Aww. Well, while Mommy's in custody, I guess the kitty's hungry; I'll call Animal Control. (Catherine climbs up the stepladder and finds a long blade sword.) Catherine: Oh, Jim ... Brass: Well, hello, Xena. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - FRONT YARD -- DAY] (The pigs are sunning in the mud on one half of the pen. On the other side of the pen, Nick digs through the mud and finds what looks like a human bone.) Nick: Oh, boy. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - NIGHT] VARIOUS CUTS OF: (David Phillips and Robbins use a drill to unscrew Chyna's head off the mounting board.) (They remove the board and cut the wire holding the sides of the head together.) (They unwrap the skin and hair from around the skull, which was padded with dry straw.) Robbins: Look what he used on the incision. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - NIGHT] (Robbins shares his findings with Grissom.) Grissom: Duct tape? Robbins: Yeah, he used it to close up the laceration from a sharp force perimortem wound. Corresponds to the indentation in the skull. (He picks up the skull and shows Grissom the mark.) Grissom: Could that be the fatal wound? Robbins: Give me the rest of the body and I can tell you. Grissom: Nick's working on it. (Robbins peels back the duct tape.) Grissom: Almost three inches, smooth-edge blade; you know, Catherine found -- Robbins: (interrupts) Yeah, I heard. A sword -- everyone's talking about this one. (He glances over his shoulder at Hank Connors on the table behind him.) Robbins: Why would anybody want to taxidermy a human head? Grissom: I'm still working on the "how." Robbins: That, I can tell you. Mounted one myself. A deer-- Dad was a hunter. First, our guy had to separate the head from the body. For that, he used a serrated-edge knife. (Robbins shows Grissom the pattern on the bottom of the skin.) Robbins: Dad used a carving knife, same one we used at Thanksgiving. When mom found out, she almost killed him with it. Grissom: Heartwarming. Robbins: Yeah, so then ... he had to flesh the skin away from the underlying muscle. (Quick flash of: Hank peeling the skin off the muscle. End of flash.) Robbins: Next, he would've stretched the skin out on a board, -- (Quick flash of: Hank rubs rock salt into the skin.) Robbins: (V.O.) -- rubbed it with rock salt ... (End of flash.) Robbins: ... then waited two days. Then he tanned the skin to preserve it, (Quick flash of: Hank working on the head.) Robbins: (V.O.) -- hydrated it with a borax and water solution to keep the bugs off. (End of flash.) Robbins: Next, he cleaned the skull, filled the imperfections with clay, sawdust, anything at hand. Popped in two glass eyes, and then ... (Robbins puts the skull back in the skin.) Grissom: And he's got the best-looking wall mount in the neighborhood. (smiles and nods.) We're going to need to process that toolmark. Robbins: Yeah, I'll get it over to CSI. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT] (Catherine dusts the blade for prints. She finds several. She takes a print lift of the prints.) (Mandy walks in and finds Catherine in her chair.) Mandy: Oh ... nice sword. Mm-hmm! I dated a guy on the fencing team. His thighs were incredible. (She takes a lift of a print on the hilt.) Did you want to show me something? Catherine: Yes, the, uh, tip has been wiped clean. Negative for blood. But I did find a couple of partials on the blade just above the hilt. (Catherine takes her gloves off.) Mandy: Okay. Catherine: And a couple of full prints on the handle. (She takes her coat off.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (Nick measures the length of the bone he found.) Nick: The femur measures 461 millimeters. (He checks the height chart.) Gives us a height for a white female of 5'6". Grissom: Exactly Chyna's height. How about for a male? Nick: 5'7". Grissom: Preston De Vere is too tall. Did you measure the head of the femur? Nick: No, sir, I was just about to. (He measures the head.) Nick: 41 point s ... point five millimeters. Grissom: It's a female. Nick: You want my theory? (Grissom listens and Nick ticks off the items on his fingers.) Nick: This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy had Chyna. Grissom: Yeah. (He looks at the markings on the bone.) Human teeth aren't strong enough to leave these marks. Nick: And it is consistent with Connors chopping off her head and tossing his "girls" a bone. Grissom: (sighs) Okay ... go back to the ranch. See if you can find the rest of her. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (Greg is in the lab when Catherine walks in with her sword. Greg's hand is bandaged.) Catherine: Hey, Greg. You up for a bite? (Greg laughs like it's the funniest joke ever. He pounds on the table as if unable to control his laughter.) (Catherine watches him as she takes her jacket off.) (He continues laughing, then stops.) Greg: No. I am on antibiotics, I had a tetanus shot-- I'm having a pretty bad year. (Catherine puts her lab coat on.) Catherine: Oh, it's only a bad year if you do a bad job, Greg. You're having a great year. (She winks at him.) Greg: (suggestively) I got that gel ready for you. (Catherine picks up her sword and starts cutting into the gel.) VARIOUS DISSOLVES OF: (As Greg works on one side of the table, Catherine cuts impressions into the gel on the other side of the table. She makes several cuts working her way down the sword.) (Meanwhile, Greg prepares the cast and makes an impression of the marking in the skull.) (Catherine stands the gel impression on its edge and makes a cast impression of the sword cuts.) (Greg removes the cast from the skull. He puts it under the scope.) (Catherine peels off the impression from the sword cut and gives it to Greg, who puts it under the second scope to compare. He looks under the scope and finds a MATCH.) Greg: Voila! Catherine: We have our weapon? Greg: Yeah, and a mounted human head, a suicidal pig farmer, a missing husband, and a bunch of UFO believers. What could be next? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE] (Grissom's lizard is in its tank. Grissom sits at his desk looking up a website on the DRACO CONSPIRACY. The lizard on the monitor removes its mask to reveal photos being morphed into reptilians.) (Warrick walks in.) Warrick: Wendy got results back on the blood from Connors' workbench in the pickup truck. It's Chyna De Vere. Grissom: Good. Come here, take a look at this. (Warrick walks around the desk to look at the humans morphing into reptilians.) Warrick: Hey, isn't that, uh ... ? Grissom: Yeah. You can see Dick Cheney, Al Gore, all nine Supreme Court Justices shape-shift into reptilians. Did you know that, for thousands of years, creatures from the constellation Draco have been mating with humans to form a super-race that includes 43 US presidents, most members of Congress, and the entire British royal family? (Catherine walks in.) Grissom: Hey, did Shannon Turner have a cat? Catherine: Yeah. Grissom: So did Hank Connors. See, it figures. Cats are a natural enemy of reptiles. Catherine: I'll keep that in mind. The sword I found at Shannon Turner's made the tool marks on the skull. Shannon's prints were all over the handle. And the partials on the blade, above the hilt -- Chyna De Vere's. Grissom: She tried to defend herself. (Quick flash to: Shannon is sparring with Chyna, who is unarmed. Chyna grabs the sword's blade to avoid getting hit. End of flash.) Catherine: Did Wendy find anything on that drop of blood on the carpet? Warrick: Came back to Shannon. Grissom: Yeah, but Brass interviewed her last week. She didn't have any visible cuts. Catherine: Warrick? Come at me with a sword. (Warrick steps forward and Warrick advances toward Catherine with a make-believe sword. Catherine puts her hands up and pushes Warrick's make-believe sword back in his face.) Catherine: All right, so I push back hard enough ... (Quick flash to: Shannon comes at Chyna with the sword. Chyna pushes the sword back and hits Shannon in the face.) Catherine: (V.O.) -- bang you on the nose. Brass wouldn't have seen that. (End of flash.) (Grissom concedes the possibility.) Grissom: But what I don't understand is if Shannon Turner and Hank Connors really believed in a reptilian conspiracy and they felt threatened by the political establishment, why kill a blackjack dealer? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE - LAND AROUND AREA -- DAY] (Officers are moving slowly around the area looking for evidence.) (Warrick walks around the house.) Warrick: Hey, Nick! Nick: (o.s.) Yeah? Warrick: I got something over here. (Warrick walks over to a circular stone formation on the ground with ashes in the center. He uses a stick and pushes the ashes and dirt aside. Nick walks over to him.) (Nick kneels down in the dirt as Warrick picks up a bone.) Nick: Man, that looks human. (He puts the bone down and picks up his camera to snap a photo of it.) (Nick pushes the ashes and dirt around with a stick and picks up a fabric remnant.) (Warrick sifts through the ashes and finds a ring. He reads the inscription inside.) (Nick finds a second ring and reads the inscription.) Warrick: (reads) "To Chyna, Love, Preston." Nick: "To Preston, Love, Chyna." Warrick: Till death do us part. (They look at each other. Nick holds the ring up.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- DAY] (Sara and Archie go over the Palermo security video.) Archie: According to the Palermo, Shannon Turner joined the Player's Club last month. Whenever a player uses a club card at a table game, the floor man writes down what game you played, where you sat, what time you started, time you quit. Then they estimate your average bet, win-loss ratios ... Sara: No wonder she believed in conspiracies. Archie: Well, this is the first time Shannon used her card. (He fast-forwards the video and stops on Shannon at Chyna's table.) Sara: And the dealer is Chyna. (He puts up different video.) Archie: A week later. By now, she's a regular. Sara: Looks like they're best friends. (He puts up another video.) Archie: Two weeks ago. Sara: Table's full. She's waiting for a seat. Archie: Shannon only gambled at Chyna's table. Sara: Maybe Chyna was her lucky charm. Archie: That depends on how you define luck. (Archie puts up Shannon's tally sheet showing losses every week.) Sara: She never walked away a winner. Archie: Maybe she blamed Chyna for her losses. Sara: She's too friendly. I think she was gaining her trust. Stalking her. Archie: Well, it's Las Vegas. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Brass and Grissom interview Shannon Turner.) Shannon Turner: It's not a crime to play blackjack. Brass: You're right, it's Las Vegas. But it is a crime to lie to the police. We found your blood in Chyna's apartment. Shannon Turner: Then it was planted. Brass: By whom? Shannon Turner: How should I know? Maybe you planted it. Brass: Look ... you killed Chyna, and you got Connors to help you move the body. And Connors killed Preston, because he was obsessed with you and wanted to eliminate the competition. (Brass puts a photo of the SHANNON AND PRESTON mug on the table. Shannon swallows.) Brass: You lied about knowing Chyna; you going to lie about this, too? Shannon Turner: Preston can't be killed. His cells don't die. He's over 4,000 years old. Brass: Oh, 4,000. The new fifty. Shannon Turner: You just don't know the truth when you hear it. Preston is a great man. He has the wisdom of the ages. Beyond your capacity to understand. Grissom: Ms. Turner ... was Chyna a reptilian? (She doesn't answer him.) (Grissom opens the folder and takes out a sketch of a reptilian with a crown.) Grissom: Who is this? Shannon Turner: The Reptilian Athena. Grissom: Is that Chyna De Vere? (Again, Shannon doesn't answer him.) (Grissom shows her the sketch of the warrior princess.) Grissom: Tell me about this one. (She smiles.) Shannon Turner: That's the Protector of Mankind. Brass: Is that you? (Brass sips from his water cup. Shannon sees his snake-like forked tongue slip out of his mouth and drink from the water.) (Brass stops drinking. He looks at Shannon.) Shannon Turner: Hmm? Grissom: Did you slay the Reptilian Athena? Shannon Turner: I did what I had to do. (Quick flash of: Shannon is dressed in her warrior princess outfit.) Chyna De Vere: What's this all about? Shannon Turner: I have to kill you. Chyna De Vere: What?! (Shannon takes out her sword and attacks Chyna. Chyna fights back. Eventually, Shannon knocks Chyna back.) (End of flashback.) Shannon Turner: It's not like there's nothing at stake here. Just the survival of the human race. Brass: Yeah, I'm just a phone booth away from changing into my tights and saving the world. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB] (Archie is in the lab going through the security video. Warrick walks by.) Archie: Hey, Warrick, I got something. (Warrick walks into the lab.) Archie: I was scanning the casino footage from the day Chyna disappeared. And she had a visitor--her husband. Warrick: She doesn't look so happy to see him. (On the video, Chyna and her husband are arguing. She holds out the palm of her hand. He takes his ring off and gives it to her.) Warrick: Well, we don't need words to get that. Archie: "Give me your ring. I really, really hate you. Our marriage is over." (She takes her ring off and slips both rings in her pocket.) Warrick: Well, that means she was killed before she had a chance to change her clothes. That would explain why we found both rings in the ashes. But it doesn't explain what happened to him. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] VARIOUS DISSOLVES OF: (David brushes the ashes and dirt off the bones and hands them to Robbins, who sets them in their correct place on the table.) (When they're done, David looks at the table. Robbins snaps a photo of the bones.) (David turns over a vertebra with a bullet inside. Robbins takes a photo of it.) (Robbins extracts the bullet from the vertebra.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Robbins shows Warrick the bullet.) Robbins: I found it embedded in this. T-9 vertebra. Warrick: But that means the bullet had to pass through at least one vital organ. Robbins: Yeah, heart, lung, and then the dome of the liver. That's your COD. Warrick: And you're sure these are Chyna De Vere's bones. Robbins: Yeah, pelvis is female. No duplicate bones. The femur's the same length as the one the pigs were chomping on. It's her. (Warrick holds out the open bindle. Robbins drops the bullet inside.) Warrick: Okay. Well, we'll run this against Connors' guns. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] Cue Sound: (V.O.) GODZILLA ROARING [INT. APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT] (Sara and Grissom are watching an old Godzilla movie on the television set. Godzilla stomps through the city. People scream and run. Godzilla uses his tail and smashes into a building.) (Sara is leaning back against the bed headboard while eating yogurt. Grissom sits near the foot of the bed with Bruno the dog.) Sara: I always feel sorry for the monster. Grissom: (amused) Then you better turn it off before they use the Oxygen Destroyer on him. (Grissom gets up and leaves the bed. He whistles. Bruno gets up and follows Grissom.) (After a moment, Sara puts the yogurt down on the bedside table and turns the television set off with the remote. An envelope stuck in between the pages of a book catches her eye. It has her name on it.) (She takes the envelope out and looks at it, partially addressed to her.) (She looks at it for a moment, then opens it. It's the letter Grissom wrote to her back in 7X13-Redrum. He never sent it to her. Sara reads it.) Grissom: (V.O.) I don't know why I find it so difficult to express my feelings to you. Even though we're far apart, I can see you as vividly as if you were here with me. I said I'll miss you, and I do. (In his study, Grissom takes a photo off his desk and moves to the worktable where he's constructing Grissom: (V.O.) As Shakespeare more ably wrote my sentiment in Sonnet 47, "Thyself away art present still with me; For thou not farther than my thoughts canst move, and I am still with them ... (Grissom is in the next room working on his miniature scene.) Grissom: (V.O.) Or, if they sleep, thy picture in my sight, Awakes my heart to heart's and eye's delight." (We hold on Sara. She turns and looks over in Grissom's direction.) Warrick: (PRE-LAP) Fire in the hole! [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB] (Warrick files into the tank. BANG!) (Nick jumps. His earphones aren't on yet.) Nick: You're supposed to let me get these things on. Warrick: Hey, you were supposed to be ready. (Warrick puts the gun down and opens the container to get the can with the bullet in it.) Warrick: I don't know, man. Maybe it would have worked out if Tina was someone who did what we did. At least she'd understand the hours. (Warrick empties out the contents of the can.) Nick: Oh, I don't know. I don't think it's a good idea to date somebody you work with. You never really get away from work or them the way you need to, you know? (Warrick picks the bullet out and juggles it from hand to hand.) Warrick: You mean, like me and you, baby? Nick: Yeah, exactly, honey. Warrick: Mm-hmm. (He gives the bullet to Nick. Nick looks at it under the scope. It looks like a match.) Nick: Yeah, it looks like the bullet that killed her came from Connors' Walther PPK. (Quick flash of: Chyna is on the floor crying. Hank Connors stands above her with the gun pointed down at her. He fires. End of flash.) FLASH TO: [EXT. LAS VEGAS DESERT (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. LAS VEGAS DESERT ROADWAY - DAY] (Brass parks his car on the side of the road. The officer car following him stops as well. A sheriff's car is parked on the opposite side of the road with the sheriff waiting for them.) Joe Vasquez: Captain Brass? Brass: Jim. (They shake hands.) Joe Vasquez: Joe Vasquez. Brass: How you doing, Joe? Joe Vasquez: I got a call from a passing motorist. Naked guy running around in the desert. That may not be so strange where you work, but out here, it gets our attention. I recognized him from the news. Brass: Thanks a lot, Joe. (Brass looks into the back of the car.) Brass: Preston De Vere? Preston De Vere: Very glad to be back home. Brass: What are you doing out here, Preston? Preston De Vere: I was a captive, held against my will. From what the sheriff tells me, I've been gone over a week. Feels like just seconds. Brass: Can you describe these people to me? Preston De Vere: Well, yes, but you won't believe me. Brass: Try me. Preston De Vere: They were very tall ... with reptilian features: large, almond-shaped, red eyes. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL - PRESTON'S ROOM -- DAY] (Brass walks in. Preston is in bed.) Brass: Hey, what's happening, Lizard King? Preston De Vere: I appreciate your skepticism. I anticipated it. Insight begins with asking the right questions. (He sits up and puts his glasses on.) Brass: Okay, then, when exact were you abducted? (Preston takes his glasses off and looks at Brass.) Preston De Vere: Nine days ago. (He puts his glasses on.) Brass: Oh, so you were abducted before your wife was missing. Preston De Vere: What do you mean Chyna is missing? What happened to her? Brass: What are you trying to tell me? You don't know your wife is dead? Preston De Vere: That was callous of you. Unnecessarily cruel. I had no idea. That sweet girl ... (Preston takes his glasses off, covers his face with his hand and sobs loudly. Brass is unmoved.) Brass: Stop the crocodile tears. Come on. Preston. If she was so sweet, what were you doing Chillin' in Cabo with Shannon Turner? Preston De Vere: Are you suggesting that was romantic? (Preston puts his glasses back on.) Brass: Well, you got your pictures on the coffee mug. That's romantic to me. You better come up with an alibi -- on planet Earth -- of where you were the night your wife was killed. Preston De Vere: That's easy. (Preston slides off the bed and stands up.) Preston De Vere: There's a woman, and it is romantic, very romantic. I was with her when they took me. Her name is Clarissa Niles. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. ROOM -- DAY] (An Alien Abduction Survivor's Group meeting is being held.) Man: We are victims ... and no one is listening to us. We're powerless against what's going on. (Brass and Grissom arrive with several officers. They wait in the doorway while the group meeting continues.) Man: We're not crazy. If you look at who has had contact, we're airline pilots, professionals, teachers, scientists. I don't know how to get the truth out, but we have to. (Some of the members nod in agreement.) Barbara: Has anyone talked to Shannon in the last couple of days? (Several members shake their heads.) Man: They've got her. Grissom: It's like we're witnessing some form of mass hallucination. You know, they think the cops are part of this reptilian conspiracy as well. That's why Shannon attacked Greg. (Quick flash to: [INT. P.D. -- INTERVIEW ROOM] The officers hold Shannon down while Greg stands over her.) Greg: Let's try this again. (As she looks at him, his hand turns scaly and green with webbed fingers.) (Shannon looks at Greg and his face turns reptilian.) (End of flash.) Brass: And why Hank Connors shot himself. (Quick flash to: [EXT. CONNORS RESIDENCE] Hank looks out his window. The officers are advancing toward the house with their guns. A cloud of dust blocks his view. When it clears, Hank sees reptilians dressed as officers and carrying guns as they advance toward the house.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Hank stands in front of the door to his back room. He sees a reptilian advancing toward him down the hallway. He puts the gun under his chin and shoots himself.) (End of flashes.) (Brass steps into the room and holds up his badge.) Brass: Sorry to interrupt. Man: Don't make eye contact with them. (Everyone in the group looks away.) (Brass looks at Grissom.) Grissom: Please, we come in peace. Brass: Which one of you is Clarissa Niles? (The man looks at Clarissa and shakes his head.) Man: Don't. (Clarissa raises her hand.) Clarissa Niles: It's all right. I'm not afraid. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - SUNSET] Greg: (V.O.) Got a warrant to tow in Clarissa Niles' car. [INT. CSI - GARAGE] (Greg shows Catherine what he's found on the tires under the ALS.) Greg: Blue fluorescence is one of the properties of scheelite. (Catherine puts her gloves on.) Catherine: Which was found in the soil at Hank Connors' ranch. Greg: (nods) And Preston beamed down in the same area. Catherine: Have you looked inside yet? Greg: Naw. I was just about to. (Catherine opens the back door and looks inside. She finds men's shoes and clothing.) Catherine: Preston was found naked, right? Greg: Yeah, it's a recurrent theme in tales of alien abduction. I practically grew up on 'The X-Files.' Catherine: Preston's wallet. Somehow I doubt aliens would have folded his clothes when they abducted him. (Greg pops the trunk.) Catherine: So Clarissa drove him out there and he left his stuff in her car. Greg: That's not all he left. (Catherine joins Greg and she chuckles at the contents in the trunk.) Greg: Steam cleaner. Just what every estranged husband needs to clean up his dead wife's blood. Catherine: This case just came down to Earth. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM] (Brass interviews Clarissa Niles.) Clarissa Niles: Yes, Preston was at my home in Summerlin. We were asleep and suddenly the room turned very cold. Freezing. I woke up and looked over and Preston was gone. I ... I searched the house, outside ... It was as if he evaporated. Brass: (SIGHS) Come on, Clarissa, you're a smart woman, I mean, really. I mean, you have a beautiful home, you're a good citizen, you pay your taxes, you vote, you even play a little golf. You got way too much on the ball to fall for this con man. Clarissa Niles: Con man? You think I'm gullible? He's a brilliant man. He saved my life. When we first met, I was very ill. It was cancer and he cured it. Brass: Really? How'd he do that? Clarissa Niles: He knows how to prevent human cells from dying. He has injections; they're, they're radioactive. Hospitals won't do it because it would make everyone well. It would put them out of business. Brass: Do you really think he's four thousand years old? Here. Let me show you something. (He opens a file folder. She puts on her glasses.) Look at this. He's 42. He claims he's a nutritionist. He's not. And look. Look at all these schools and labs he said he went to. They never heard of him. He has no place of business, no job. He just preys on vulnerable women. He got Shannon Turner to kill his wife for him. Got you to give him money. Clarissa Niles: He never asked for it. I wanted to give it to him. Brass: You would have done anything for him, whether he asked for it or not. (Quick flashback to: Preston talks with Clarissa at a group meeting.) Preston De Vere: Do you have any idea how beautiful you are? (She blushes.) I mean really, really, really beautiful. More so every day. Clarissa Niles: That's because you cured me. I-I-I've never felt better or happier. Preston De Vere: You know, I didn't want to alarm you, but they put an implant in you. They do it while you're sleeping so they can manipulate your thoughts. My injections disabled it. You're not only cancer-free, you're free of their control. Clarissa Niles: Oh, my God. How am I ever going to be able to thank you? (End of flashback.) Brass: You drove him out to McCade, you dropped him off, you brought back his clothes. The evidence is all over your car. Clarissa Niles: He loved me. Brass: He used you just like he used everybody. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB] (Hodges opens the steam cleaner and finds a single strand of hair in the bristles. He removes the hair.) [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (David opens the drawer and takes a single strand of Chyna's hair.) [INT. CSI - GARAGE] (Greg dusts the plastic steam cleaner water container and finds a print under the cover. He lifts it and scans it into the database.) [INT. CSI - HALLWAY/ DNA LAB] (Hodges shares his findings with Catherine.) Hodges: If they were trying to clean up all the blood, they did a good job. Steam cleaner tested positive for blood, but there wasn't enough for DNA. Catherine: Did you find anything? (They enter the DNA Lab.) Hodges: Funny you should ask. Found a hair in the brushes. Catherine: Oh. Hodges: It's on the left. (Catherine looks in the scope at the two strands of hair.) Hodges: The one on the right is Chyna De Vere's. Catherine: They're both Chyna's. (Hodges nods. Greg bursts into the lab.) Greg: Hey. So, that steam cleaner was completely wiped down, couldn't find any prints. But then I remembered this story about a CSI down in LA. Nobody could find any prints on a gas can from an arson, but he realized that you got to grip it underneath in order to pour out the gas. And you know what? He broke the case. Catherine: So whose prints are on the steam cleaner? Greg: I just got an AFIS hit: Preston De Vere. (Quick flash to: [INT. CONNORS RESIDENCE] Chyna is on the floor. Hank paces nearby. Preston talks with Shannon.) Preston De Vere: You have a destiny. You were chosen. You are a Protector of Mankind. Have no fear. (to Hank) Cut off her tail, she lives. Cut off her head, she dies. Hank Connors: No problem. (Hank picks Chyna up. There's a large bloodstain on the carpet.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Preston steam cleans the carpet.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Preston removes the plastic water container and empties the bloodied water down the drain.) (End of flashback.) Greg: It wasn't a reptilian conspiracy, but it was a conspiracy. Catherine: Men are snakes. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY] (The officers lead Preston out through the hallway. Preston smiles and nods to everyone. Brass follows behind him.) Brass: So we checked Chyna's bank account. She had a tidy little inheritance until she met you. Preston De Vere: Chyna was sucking the life out of me. She deserved none of what she wanted and all of what she got in the end. I'm glad it took a long time for her to die. I can only imagine the pain. Brass: You know, every time I think about leaving this job, a guy like you comes along and reminds me why I can't. (Brass leaves. Preston turns and sees Clarissa Niles walk up to him. She spits on his face. The officer leads her away.) Sidney Buckman: (V.O.) History is replete with stories of the heroic destruction of serpents. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] Sidney Buckman: (V.O.) Perseus and Medusa, St. George and the Dragon, St. Patrick and the Snakes of Ireland. [INT. GRISSOM'S RESIDENCE - NIGHT] (Grissom works on constructing his miniature scene while Bruno slobbers at his feet.) Sidney Buckman: (V.O.) These are not merely legends. These are accounts of battles for the survival of the human race -- a battle we will lose unless we stop killing one another and focus on the real enemies. (Grissom applies glue to a piece and puts it on the grid of the room he's constructing.) Sidney Buckman: (V.O.) They are among us.

During a shootout with the police, a suspect in the kidnapping and possible murder of a blackjack dealer and her husband takes his own life. Searching his ranch, the CSIs find the kidnapping victim's head mounted onto a plaque, but no sign of her husband. As the investigation continues, it is revealed that the dead suspect and several others connected to him belonged to a strange cult in which it is believed that certain people are secretly intelligent reptilian creatures set on conquering mankind.

fd_Bones_03x06

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"The Intern in the Incinerator" [SCENE_BREAK] TEASER (Interior - Day - Sirens are blaring and lights are flashing in a brick basement at the Jeffersonian. Two men in overalls enter and walk down the corridor) JANITOR #1: Smoke comes out of the vents in the first floor break rooms. JANITOR #2: You're sure you turned the flame down last night? JANITOR #1: Totally, one hundred percent guaranteed, positively sure. Alarms gone off before but the smoke was always gray. JANITOR #2: One time a possum got caught in the shaft, smoke came out like this. JANITOR #1: Dr. Addy was conducting an experiment on a pig yesterday. I told all them eggheads not to toss dead animals down the incinerator shaft. JANITOR #2: (They stop in front of the incinerator door) Since when do they listen to us. (Opens the incinerator door) JANITOR #1: Holy crap! (Covers his mouth, coughing) JANITOR #2: (Looking inside) Definitely not pork! (Camera pans into the incinerator. A burnt body lies inside above the flames. Cut to later, fire is out and Brennan and Cam are looking inside.) BRENNAN: At four hundred degrees, bone chars in six hours and turns to ash in eight. CAM: Charring, no ash. Six to eight hours? Dumped into the incinerator between one and three a.m. (Booth enters behind Cam and Brennan, who do not notice ) BOOTH: Ugh. Alive or dead before he or she went into the incinerator? CAM: Can't tell yet. BRENNAN; (Turning to Booth and notice a file in his hand) What's that? BOOTH: Guest log. ((Looking at the file) No visitors checked out after nine thirty-six last night, and no one checked in before eight o' two this morning. CAM: Meaning the victim probably works here. BRENNAN: Meaning the killer does too. (Interior - Day - Autopsy room at the Jeffersonian. Brennan is looking at the computer screen while Cam examines the remains.) BRENNAN: Pubic bone is female. CAM: There's no carbon in the trachea. (Pulls out the trachea and unrolls it like a fruit rollup) She was dead before she was thrown down the chute. BRENNAN: Extensive fissures, fractures and breaks to the entire skeleton. I'll have Zack determine which were caused by heat and which by trauma. (Angela enters) ANGELA: Heads up, they called Bancroft in from a hearing on the hill. BRENNAN: Who's Bancroft again? CAM: God. ANGELA: The supreme honcho of the Jeffersonian. BRENNAN: I think I met him once. ANGELA: Okay, I am ready to start the facial reconstruction. (Brennan removes the skull from the rest of the remains and places it on a surgical tray) BRENNAN: I haven't put on tissue depth markers yet. CAM: I haven't finished removing all the carbonized brain matter. (Angela comes to a halt in front of the skull, and stares at it intensly, horrified) BRENNAN: Once you've done that, Zack can clean the skull. (As Angela stares at the skull it changes from burnt to a whole, healthy female face.) Angela? Angela? Angela? ANGELA: Yeah? CAM: Are you alright? BRENNAN: What's wrong? ANGELA: (Looking anxiously at the skull) Um . . . Uh . . I'm fine. I'll start after the tissue markers are . . . Let me know. (Angela exits.) CAM: What the hell was that about? ACT I (Interior - Day - Angela's office at the Jeffersonian. Angela is looking at an image of the skull on her computer. Brennan enters.) ANGELA: You won't like it. BRENNAN: Like what? ANGELA: I've ID'd the victim. BRENNAN: That's impossible. ANGELA: I told you you wouldn't like it. BRENNAN: There are no tissue markers, you can't just look at a skull and see the person. ANGELA: Sweetie, I've done hundreds of these reconstructions: the depressed labella, the narrow nasal aperture, the chipped lateral incisor. BRENNAN: You can see a face from that? ANGELA: The chipped tooth was from a skiing accident when she was sixteen. BRENNAN: Ange. You know the victim personally? ANGELA: (sighing and pulling up an image of an young, attractive blonde on the computer) Kristen Reardon. She's an intern, we had coffee a couple of times. (Walking over to the couch) She didn't want to be a scientist. She wanted to go into design. She was jut here to make her father happy. She was young and eager and keen and . . . she was just really, really young. BRENNAN: Wait, Reardon. (Walking to Angela) As in Dr. Ted Reardon? ANGELA: Yeah, he used to work here. (Sitting down on the couch) BRENNAN: I took a course from him in ancient pharmacology. (Sitting in the chair across from Angela) ANGELA: Look, I know that we can't say anything until you do the tissue markers and we go through channels, but, I'm telling you, I know this is Kristen. BRENNAN: Poor Ted. ANGELA: You wanna know something else? She was seeing somebody who worked here. BRENNAN: Is that relevant? ANGELA: Well, Booth will think so. Especially since it was a married man. BRENNAN: Well, did she tell you? ANGELA: No, just that they had had their first kiss at the opening of that Egyptian exhibit and that it had been hot and heavy ever since. BRENNAN: I'm sorry, Ange. ANGELA: No, I'm-I'm sorry. I'm just really freaked out by this one. BRENNAN: Because you know the victim. ANGELA: Well, and the killer! I mean, look around! Do you like thinking that somebody we see every day could've thrown Kristen down the incinerator? (Interior - Day - Platform above the Main Examination area at the Jeffersonian. Bancroft and Booth are standing across from each other, Booth leaning against the table.) BANCROFT: How can I aid your investigation? BOOTH: Well, Dr. Bancroft, I'd like print outs from the Jeffersonian's security detailing who was and was not in the building BANCROFT: Done. BOOTH: I'd also appreciate it if you'd tell your people to cooperate with the FBI. (Bancroft moves toward Booth) BANCROFT: Yes, of course, Agent Booth. I don't know if you've had much cause to work with scientists; difficult people, by nature, combative, skeptical, resistant. BOOTH: I've noticed. BANCROFT: Have you identified the victim yet? BOOTH: Unofficially? (Bancroft nods) An intern by the name of Kristen Reardon. BANCROFT: No relation to Ted Reardon? BOOTH: His daughter. Dr. Reardon left the Jeffersonian for George Town University? BANCROFT: In the interest of full disclosure I was instrumental in that move. BOOTH: You fired him. BANCROFT: I facilitated a necessary change. BOOTH: Necessary change. BANCROFT: Excellent scientist, poor administrator. Does Reardon know about his daughter? BOOTH: Dr. Brennan is informing him now. BANCROFT: I'd like to be kept in the loop on this, within the constraints of the law of course. (Raises his hand for Booth to shake it.) BOOTH: (chuckling, and shaking hands) Sure. (Interior - Day - Main examination area of the Jeffersonian. Cam and Booth are watching through the window as Brennan tells Reardon about his daughter.) CAM: Ted Reardon? Victims's father? BOOTH: Yep, Bones is telling him his daughter's dead. CAM: Rumor has it, Bancroft banished Reardon from the Jeffersonian because he felt threatened, politically. BOOTH: I know. Let's leave Bones to it. (They walk away) CAM: Would it be insensitive to mention that my father's sixtieth birthday is coming up? BOOTH: Sixty already? Wow! CAM: Uh-huh. We're having a big birthday dinner for him on Thursday night. BOOTH: Alright, you give him my best! CAM: You do it yourself. You have to come with me! BOOTH: What? No! Not your family. CAM: I can't spend the night defending the fact that I still live alone to my family. BOOTH: You never told them we broke up? CAM: You wanna' make a man miserable on his sixtieth birthday. BOOTH: You want me to pretend that I'm your boyfriend? CAM: Yes, between six-thirty and ten on Thursday. BOOTH: (Groaning) Camille, you're an adult. You can't live your life afraid of what your family thinks! CAM: Seeley, it's not going to be like this forever. One day he'll die! (Cam exits) (Interior - Day - Bone storage room. Booth is standing outside the door, talking to Brennan who is going inside) BOOTH: Tough going in there? BRENNAN: I've never had to tell someone his child is dead. I mean, I've been there when you did it, but, to actually . . . it's extremely unpleasant. BOOTH: Yeah. (Moving from the doorway into the room) Listen, did you get a change to, uh, ask him about his daughter's love life? BRENNAN: Yes, he said as far as he knew she wasn't seeing anyone. BOOTH: Kristen was lying to her father. KLIMKEW: (A slight man with glasses, Dr. Klimkew, enters) Dr. Brennan, is it true? Kristin Reardon is dead? BRENNAN: Evan, special agent Booth. He's in charge of the murder investigation. (To Booth) Dr. Evan Klimkew, Kristen Reardon's supervisor. KLIMKEW: Murder? Kristen was murdered? BOOTH: What does Kristen Reardon do? KLIMKEW: Authentications. Other museums and high end collectors use us to authenticate their acquisitions. BOOTH: That a big department? KLIMKEW: Three to five interns, all doctoral candidates, my assistant and myself. That's it. BOOTH: It's a competitive environment, right? KLIMKEW: Of course. You put a bunch of neurotic, Type-A overachievers together and you dangle a prize over their head. BRENNAN: Dr. Klimkew is referring to the Bates fellowship. KLIMKEW: The top intern receives seventy-five thousand dollars and a gold star on their resume. Kristen was the frontrunner. BRENNAN: I had heard that her heart wasn't in it. KLIMKEW: Didn't show in her work. God, this is terrible. Does her father know? BOOTH: Who was the main rival for the Bates money? KLIMKEW: Uh, that would be Neil Tyler. BOOTH: Neil Tyler. Where can I find him? KLIMKEW: We're authenticating the artifacts in you're serial killer vault. BOOTH: So, what does your wife think of these, uh, (pointing at Klimkew's wedding ring) you know, these late hours? KLIMKEW: (Puts his hands in his pockets) I'm separated. That's your answer. BOOTH: Seeing anyone now? KLIMKEW: Are you serious? BRENNAN: It's a murder investigation Evan. KLIMKEW: No, I'm not seeing anyone. BOOTH: Thank you, Dr. Klimkew. (Interior - Day - Serial killer vault ("Gormogon") at the Jeffersonian. Neil Tyler, young, African-American, is bent over an artifact with a magnifying glass. Booth and Brennan are standing and watching) TYLER: The spinner appears to be Masonic in origin: bloodstone, gold. What's interesting is, in the center, instead of the traditional "G" for God, there's a skull. BRENNAN: Gormogon iconography. TYLER: Strange, huh? BOOTH: Gormogon? Okay, what's that? BRENNAN: It's an eighteenth century . . . TYLER: It's an extinct group (standing) dedicated to eradicating the influence of the Free Masons and Illuminati in Europe in the eighteenth century. That could be the largest collection of Gormogon artifacts in the world. BOOTH: That's great. You and Kristen Reardon were here last night? TYLER: That's right. Kristen worked there. (Pointing to Kristen's desk) I signed out around midnight. Kristen stayed longer, like always. BOOTH: Okay, a little resentful, there? TYLER: I worked my way though state college. I've got a second job, which is why I had to leave early. Kristen went to an Ivy League School and her dad's got connections. Who do you think needed that Bates fellowship more? BOOTH: Well, the way I hear it, you're next in line for a big payday, pal. TYLER: I liked Kristen and she liked me. Check the logs, I wasn't here. (Brennan moves to examine Kristen's desk) BRENNAN: Do you know who Kristen was seeing? TYLER: You mean like romantically? No. Only that it was an older guy and she said I was gonna' be really surprised when I find out who it was. BOOTH: How about you? You married? TYLER: (Chuckles) I'm gay, Agent Booth. Excuse Me. (Tyler exits. Brennan picks up a bag from the desk) BOOTH: What do you got? BRENNAN: Kristen Reardon's bag. BOOTH: Ah, a cell phone . . . logs. (Booth looks through the recent calls) (Interior - Night - The walkways above the main examination area at the Jeffersonian. Booth and Brennan walking through) BRENNAN: The bag tells us that Kristen was leaving the museum when she met with her killer. BOOTH: Look at that, a lot of calls to the same number. Let's hope it's our cheating husband. BRENNAN: Kristen was authenticating exhibits from the Gormogon vault. BOOTH: Let's not go there. BRENNAN: If Gormogon killed her, then Gormogon is one of us, somebody who works at the Jeffersonian. BOOTH: You went there. BRENNAN: What? (Booth and Brennan come to a halt in front of a window) BOOTH: You went there and you gave him a nickname! (A body falls outside the window) That just happened, right? You saw that? (Brennan nods and they both run) (Exterior - Night - Outside of the Jeffersonian. A small security vehicle, sirens blaring approaches a group of security guards. Brennan and Booth hop out. They run towards the guards) BRENNAN: Who is it? BOOTH: Is he dead? (The guards are holding Zack and Hodgins, arms behind their backs) ZACK: Yes, but only because he was never alive. BOOTH: You gotta be kidding me. HODGINS: Look at this, the Gestapo's interfering with free inquiry. BOOTH: Guys, just let him go and if they try to escape, shoot 'em! What's with the dummy, dummies? ZACK: Not a dummy, it's an ersatz skeleton made from glass and reinforced nylon, which breaks exactly like human bone. HODGINS: We threw it from the top floor. BRENNAN: Explicate your process, please. ZACK: Using bone density tables, we duplicated Kristen's exact height and weight. BOOTH: For God's sake, why?! HODGINS: To prove that Kristen Reardon was dead before her skull fractured from falling down the incinerator shaft! BOOTH: We already know that! ZACK: We recreated her bone density and found that her skull would not have fractured the way it did from a fall less than twenty-five meters. BRENNAN: Oh! BOOTH: Oh, what?! English, please! BRENNA: That tells us the body was put in the trash chute on the top floor of our building. HODGINS: The office suites. It's always the suits, baby. BOOTH: Hey, I wear suits. HODGINS: Yes, yes you do. BOOTH: (To Guards) Alright, that's it, no shooting of the squints tonight, sorry. Alright, good work. (Dispersing the crowd of guards and onlookers) (To Brennan) Let's go Bones. (Booth and Brennan exit, Hodgins and Zack bump fists). (Interior - Night - Autopsy room at the Jeffersonian. Cam and Booth are looking at a screen showing the remains) CAM: Kristen Reardon was stabbed to death; aorta and left lung both punctured. BOOTH: Whoa. She bleed a lot? CAM: Through the wound, through her mouth, copious amounts. (Moving toward her desk, Booth following) CAM: Booth, everyone's coming around to the opinion that Kristen Reardon's death had something to do with the Gormogon vault. BOOTH: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. See we-we gotta squelch that one 'cause that will totally shift the focus of this investigation. CAM: You might've noticed but these people are tough to squelch. BOOTH: You know what, they're always telling us not to jump to conclusions. CAM: When they do it, it's called a "quantum leap." BOOTH: Jump, leap, tomato, "tomato", what's the difference? Look, um, does the name (pulling his note pad out of his jacket pocket) Aldridge mean anything to you? CAM: Rings a bell, yeah, why? BOOTH: 'Cause there was no blood near the incinerator chute on the top floor. CAM: The body could've been wrapped in plastic or transported in a tub (pulling a picture on the computer). There's a Dr. Kyle Aldrige heads up the middle east department, why? BOOTH: Hm, do they have offices in this building? CAM: Middle east department is in building S, but it joins up to this building by skyway, why? BOOTH: What floor does the skyway connect with? CAM: Top floor, and I'm gonna' ask why again and your gonna' tell me. BOOTH: Yeah, this guy Aldrige's number is all over Kristen's cell phone. Just hold on. (Pulling out his cell and making a call) Yeah, it's Booth, check out all the office in the adjoining building on the top floor and start with a Dr. K. Aldrige. (Flips the phone shut) Cam, this case . . . CAM: Yes, you still have to come to my father's birthday dinner. BOOTH: I didn't even bring that up, I'm just saying . . . CAM: Nice try. BOOTH: Nice try, what? CAM: Zip! (Making a zipping motion over her mouth) BOOTH: I didn't even . . . CAM: Tzz! (Interior - Night - Above the main examination area at the Jeffersonian. Booth and Dr. Kyle Aldrige are sitting at the table. Booth is looking at a picture of Aldrige in a magazine.) BOOTH: Ah, the good life. Dr. Kyle Aldrige. Mansion next to Teddy Kennedy on Dupont Circle. A sixty foot yacht and a vacation home in the Hamptons. Wow. I wish I'd paid more attention during science class. ALDRIGE: Intelligence is not a matter of will, Agent Booth. So it's not a character flaw to be less intelligent than someone else. BOOTH: Yeah, listen, I appreciate the pep talk. Listen, our first suspect would usually be your wife but since she's been in Venice for a month . . . Venice. So, how is it that somebody who makes eighty grand a year can lend Ted Kennedy his lawn mower and afford to send his wife off to Venice? ALDRIGE: My wife's family is very generous. BOOTH: How generous do you think they would be if they found out you were boinking an intern? ALDRIGE: They teach you that technique at Quantico? Spring vulgarities on the unspectign suspect and he will confess all? BOOTH: Are you confessing all? ALDRIGE: To the affair or to murder? (An FBI Agent enters) AGENT #1: Excuse me, Agent Booth, there's something your gonna' wanna see in Dr. Aldrige's work room. (Interior - Night - Dr. Aldrige's work room. Agents, Booth, Brennan and Aldrige stand around a spot on the floor) AGENT #1: Lights, please! (When the lights turn off the blue light Agent #1 is holding shows blood on the floor, he moves to shed light on a wheelbarrow that is in the room.) BRENNAN: Look at all that blood. That explains how the body was transported over to the incinerator shoot. (The light shines behind the wheelbarrow, exposing a path of blood leading to the desk) This must be where Kristen Reardon was actually murdered. BOOTH: Alright, put the lights on. (Booth pulls out his handcuffs) Dr. Aldrige I'd like to ask you a few questions about the murder of Kristen Reardon. We gonna' go willingly? ACT II (Interior - Day - Main examination area at the Jeffersonian. Hodgins is examining a sample, Angela looking at her clipboard, sitting on a stool and Zack working at the computer.) HODGINS: I never liked Kyle Aldrige. ZACK: He told me once that having a high I.Q. was no excuse not to bathe. ANGELA: I don't believe it. ZACK: No, those were his exact words, "no excuse not to bathe" (Cam enters) CAM: What do you got? (Zack raises his hand) ZACK: (moves to point to the damage on the skeleton which is standing up like a medical dummy) Consistent with the trauma to the left lung and aorta, C-7 vertebra and the fifth rib were both nicked at a sixty-seven degree angle suggesting a single point of entry. CAM: Through the back? (Zack nods) ANGELA: The serial killer eats human flesh, Kyle Aldrige is a vegetarian. HODGINS: So was Hitler! ZACK: We're calling him Gormogon now. HODGINS: Excellent name! And, historically accurate. CAM: People! You have to stop assuming that Gormogon was in any way involved in Kristen's death. ZACK: Why? It's somewhere between a possibility and a probability. ANGELA: Kyle Aldrige is not a cannibal. CAM: But he may have killed his girlfriend, do you see the difference? HODGINS: Mm. CAM: So, eyes on the evidence, okay? (Claps her hands twice) Go. HODGINS: (Angela moves off the stool and Hodgins moves over to the computer) Zack provided me with the fragments. ZACK: Retrieved from the fifth rib. HODGINS: Running it through the GC Mass Spec. CAM: What about the incinerator? HODGINS: I analyzed the ashes in the incinerator and found carbonized traces of cedrus libani. It's a species of cedar fir from Lebanon. ANGELA: The middle east is Aldrige's area of study. HODGINS: And the Mesopotamians used cedar as an odor neutralizer to mask the smell of burning flesh? CAM: Can you see Aldrich committing a crime of passion and using his knowledge to cover it up? ANGELA: I guess. He's kind of (begins making unrecognizable grunting sounds. Zack looks confused, Hodgins smiles). CAM: Exactly, how well do you know Aldrige? ANGELA: We had drinks. I don't sleep with married men. ZACK: You're married and you sleep with men beside your husband. What's the difference? (Hodgins, looking irritated, smacks Zack in the back of the head.) (Exterior - Day - FBI Headquarters.) (Interior - Day - FBI Headquarters. Booth and Brennan exit the elevator.) BRENNAN: Why do you want me to interrogate Aldrige? BOOTH: Because he thinks I'm stupid. BRENNAN: You're not! BOOTH: Thanks, Bones, I know. Listen, during the interrogation, always refer to the victim by her first name. BRENNAN: Well, you're the one that told me that personalizing the victim doesn't work with sociopathic serial killers. They lack all empathy. (Poking Booth) You told me that! BOOTH: We are not looking for gorgonzola today! BRENNAN: Gormogon. Gor-mo-gon. BOOTH: We're looking for someone who murdered one girl and tossed her down an incinerator chute. Entirely different kind of a guy, so, inside. (shooing her into the interrogation room) BRENNAN: Don't- tell me- Don't- (pointing and resisting) You are not bossing me (smacks his hand). Stop it. (enters room) (Interior - Day - Interrogation Room. Aldrige is sitting at the table, Brennan enters and sits. Dr. Reardon and Booth are behind the glass, watching). DR. REARDON: Kyle Aldrige seduced my daughter? BOOTH: That's what we hope to find out, doc. BRENNAN: It was definitely Kristen's blood on your work table. ALDRIGE: That proves only she was killed in my work room. Why am I talking to you? BRENNAN: What time did you leave the Jeffersonian that night? ALDRIGE: Shortly after eleven. (leaning forward) Dr. Brennan, surely I merit someone higher up the food chain than an FBI consultant. BRENNAN: Kyle, (leaning forward) I know you get everything you want by flaunting your superior intellect, but that won't work with me. ALDRIGE: Why is that? BRENNAN: Because I'm smarter than you are. So why don't we do the rational thing and cut to the chase. (leaning back) Where you having an affair with Kristen? ALDRIGE: I'm not willing to comment on that. BRENNAN: Again, I know you were. You first kissed at the opening of the Egyptian exhibit. (Dr. Reardon tears up) ALDRIGE: Obviously Kristen was indiscreet. (Booth looks at Dr. Reardon as he takes a breath, blinking) BRENNAN: If your wife knew about Kristen, she'd leave you, correct? And you'd no longer be rich. (leaning forward) See the FBI they call that a motive. They think you did this, Dr. Aldrige, and so far the evidence is on their side. Can you tell me anything that would suggest otherwise? ALDRIGE: Yes. But first I need to speak with a lawyer and make arrangements with a federal prosecutor. BRENNAN: Sounds like you wanna' cut a deal. ALDRIGE: I've told you what I need., so either have me arrested or let me make those arrangements. (Brennan looks and Booth, Booth looks at Dr. Reardon and Brennan leans back.) (Interior - Night - Main Examination Area at the Jeffersonian. Booth enters. Cam is talking to someone who walks away). BOOTH: Wow! You look great! I mean that objectively, not as your fake boyfriend. (puts his hand on her arm, they begin to walk) CAM: Thank you. BOOTH: Hey, got your dad a universal remote. (Cam laughs) Even bought the batteries. CAM: Oh, he'll never let us brake up. BOOTH: So, am I driving? CAM: No, my sister's picking us up but, of course, she's late. BOOTH: Okay, maybe she's late because there was traffic. CAM: Maybe she's late because there was a sale. BOOTH: Oh, great, it's gonna' be one of those nights. CAM: Hey, it's not me, she's the jealous competitive one. BOOTH: O-kay! CAM: You don't think so?! BOOTH: Look, I'm thinking that you're family. I'm an innocent bystander with a universal remote and batteries trying not to get hit by shrapnel. (They stop in front of the autopsy room. Cam's sister Felicia enters. She' s a young, beautiful African-American woman, in a trendy, black dress) FELICIA: Ready! Sorry, dad is in the car. (Air kisses Cam on booth sides) CAM: Okay, let me get my things. (exits to autopsy room) FELICIA: (sighs) There was traffic, not that she'd believe me. (takes out a compact and primps) BOOTH: No! Traffic, that's exactly what she said. (under his breath) This is gonna' be fun. FELICIA: Yeah, everyone talking about how perfect Cam's life is. BOOTH: No, Cam's life is not so perfect. You got a lot going for you. FELICIA: Yeah? (smiles and closes compact) BOOTH: Yeah. FELICIA: What's not so great? Are you and Cam . . . BOOTH: What? No, no, I should never had said anything FELICIA: Oh you poor baby! (kisses Booth hard on the mouth, running her hands through his hair) BOOTH: Felicia . . . FELICIA: You don't have to say anything, I'm here, that's all you need to know. (Booth looks shocked. Cam Enters). CAM: Okay! (Booth drops the remote. Felicia looks innocent. Booth picks up the remote) BOOTH: Let's go! Ye-Yeah, okay, you look great! Doesn't she look beautiful?! (Booth puts his arm around Cam and they all begin walking) She looks beautiful!! I am so lucky to have you as my girlfriend. CAM: Easy big guy, it's gonna' be a long night. BOOTH: (to himself) Tell me about it. (Exterior - Day - Jeffersonian) (Interior - Day - Main Examination area at the Jeffersonian. Angela and Hodgins are walking through. ANGELA: You know, Jack, you are actually a better candidate to be Gormogon than Kyle Aldrige. (they stop walking) HODGINS: Really? ANGELA: You're brilliant, paranoid about conspiracies, I say that lovingly, with limitless resources. HODGINS: I'm not Gormogon. I don't kill people and eat their faces. (Angela nods) I am not waging a secret war against anybody. (they kiss, Angela puts her hand on his shoulder) ANGELA: Great. Now, if I could only get the other thousand or so people who work here to convince me, maybe I could get to sleep tonight. HODGINS: Oh, I'll help you get to sleep tonight. (Angela laughs) ANGELA: What's in your file? (they enter Angela's office) HODGINS: GC Mass Spec analysis of the fragment we pulled from Kristen's rib. It's an eight hundred year old copper. ANGELA: Wait, wait, the weapon is an artifact? HODGINS: I thought we'd see if we can match any of the weapons in the Jeffersonian with the sample. (Angela sits at the computer) ANGELA: Well, there is one item. (Hodgins leans over her shoulder) An eight hundred year old copper spear tip. The authentication department checked it out two weeks ago to Dr. Kyle Aldrige in the middle eastern department. HODGINS: Checked it out from where? ANGELA: The Gormogon vault. (Interior - Day - Gormogon vault at the Jeffersonian. Hodgins, Brennan and Klimkew are standing around the artifact, Booth is seated at a stool in back.) BRENNAN: Tell us about this piece, Dr. Klimkew. KLIMKEW: (Hodgins lifts the spearhead) The spearhead is genuine, decorative. Probably brought back as a souvenir of the Crusades by a Templar Knight in twelve or thirteen hundred A.D. BRENNAN: Go ahead, Hodgins. KLIMKEW: (to Hodgins) What are you doing? (Hodgins applies a solution to a Q-tip and the Q-tip to the spear head) BOOTH: (standing) Did you see Kyle Aldrige the night that Kristen Reardon was murdered? KLIMKEW: Yes. (to Brennan) What is he doing with the spear head? HODGINS: It's phenolthalein. It won't affect the copper, but if blood is present it'll turn pink. BOOTH: So, what time did you see the doctor? KLIMKEW: Uh, eleven. In the parking lot. BRENNAN: Did you talk? KLIMKEW: Kyle Aldrige doesn't really talk to anyone beneath him, which is everyone. (Everyone is looking at the Q-tip which is still white.) HODGINS: It's not the weapon we're looking for. I'll put it back. (Hodgins exits left). BRENNAN: Did you know about Aldrige and Kristen? KLIMKEW: As a couple? Yes. BOOTH: Kristen told you? KLIMKEW: I caught them making out. Frankly, I've been surprised ever since that Aldrige didn't use his friendship with Bancroft to have me transferred to some dig in Darfur. HODGINS: (from left) Help!! (Everyone runs to left) I need some help back here!! BOOTH: What? HODGINS: Booth! Booth! BOOTH: Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. (Aldrige is hanging from the ceiling by a noose. Hodgins is trying to hold Aldrige up. Hodgins and Booth are grunting. Booth cuts Aldrige down. Everyone helps to lay him down on a nearby table.) KLIMKEW: I'll call an ambulance. BOOTH: We don't need an ambulance. He's already dead. (Booth and Brennan look over to the silver statue) [SCENE_BREAK] ACT III (Interior - Day - Autopsy Room at the Jeffersonian. Cam is standing over Aldrige's body. Brennan enters.) CAM: (dictating into wireless headset) That concludes the autopsy of Dr. Kyle Aldrige, written report to follow. BRENNAN: Booth saw Aldrige's widow. He sent her a suicide note by email apologizing for the affair with Kristen and confessing to the killing. CAM: Aldrige did not kill himself. The ligature, which was a silk cord from the vault, didn't break his hyoid. BRENNAN: What was the cause of death? CAM: I'm stumped; no significant trauma, no cardiac arrest, aneurysm or hematoma. Plus, I did a full tox screen, organics, inorganics, heavy metals and cardiac glycosides, all negatives. BRENNAN: Well, he was hung up in the vault. It all circles back to the vault. CAM: It all circles back to the authentications department who happen to be working in the vault. BRENNAN: Why don't you and Booth think that Gormogon is behind these murders? CAM: Because, as far as we know, he only kills males, and snacks on them. Plus, there are far too many other reasonable suspects. BRENNAN: Like who? CAM: The victim's father. BRENNAN: Ted Reardon? CAM: He saw you question Aldrige. Booth said he went pale with anger. BRENNAN: When did he say that? CAM: Oh, we had dinner the other night when we . . . had dinner. (Hodgins enters carrying a tray holding a rope.) HODGINS: This cord is actually a hanging rope from England circa sixteen-fifty. (sits down the tray and picks up the rope) In those days, when sentenced to death, nobles often chose a silk cord rather than rough hemp and rope. (looking at the rope which he dangles in this right hand) It'd be cool to know who else might've died on this cord. BRENNAN: If it came from the vault, the cord probably can't lead us to the murderer. HODGINS: Au contraire. The killer left DNA. In order to hoist Aldrige, the killer wrapped the cord around his forearm (Hodgins wraps the cord around his arm) and pulled. CAM: Ouch. He left some skin behind? HODGINS: Yeah, and hair. (puts the rope back on the tray) CAM: Nice job, Hodgins. We find the guy, we can do a DNA match. HODGINS: (backing out of the room, carrying the tray) King of the Lab. (exits) BRENNAN: (looking at the x-ray displayed on the screen behind them) The skeletal muscles are pulling away from the bone. What's his potassium level? CAM: Uh . . . (turning around to pick up a file folder from the counter) blood serum contains ten milligrams per one-hundred milliliters. Elevated but non-fatal. It's odd though, because his kidneys were healthy; no signs of Addisons or any medication. BRENNAN: Succinylcholine. CAM: A muscle relaxant? BRENNAN: In high doses it stops the heart and lungs. CAM: Right, the body turns succinylcholine into potassium, which occurs naturally in the body so it's not detected as a toxin. BRENNAN: Succinylcholine is one of the earliest anesthetics known to man. (smiling) Guess how I know that? CAM: (also smiling) I read Dr. Reardon's book too. (walking away) (Interior - Day - Hodgins desk in the main examination area at the Jeffersonian. Booth is playing with glass stir sticks looking down over Hodgins desk. Hodgins enters carrying the tray holding the rope.) HODGINS: Why are you here? BOOTH: I'm just waiting for Cam to finish cutting up Aldrige? HODGINS: She's done. Why are you here in my area? BOOTH: Cam's sister kissed me. HODGINS: Duuuuuuuuuuuude. (sits down) BOOTH: Don't call me dude. Alright, listen, I was supposed to be Cam's boyfriend, but only between the hours of six-thirty and ten. She kissed me at six-twenty so technically that doesn't even count. (Hodgins chuckles) Cam went to her office to get something. Felicia, she just grabbed me and planted one on me. I didn't even see it coming, I didn't even have a defense maneuver planned. HODGINS: Wow. Alright, alright, uh . . . How are you, (looking over his shoulder) how are you gonna' break it to Cam? BOOTH: What? Why would I do that? HODGINS: You want her to find out from her sister? BOOTH: Wow, this is worse than when we were a couple. HODGINS: (Hodgins chucles loudly) Sorry. (covers his mouth, giggling) BOOTH: I really should take my gun out and shoot you now. HODGINS: I'm sorry No, it's serious. (giggling) BOOTH: You're not helping. (Exterior - Day - FBI Headquarters) (Interior - Day - Interrogation Room at FBI Headquarters. Booth is sitting across from Dr. Reardon) BOOTH: Look, I have a son. If I thought someone hurt him, I'd wanna' hang him. DR. REARDON: I didn't kill Kyle Aldrige. BOOTH: He was a politically enemy who slept with your daughter, then killed her after she threatened to tell his wife. Juries understand situations like that. DR. REARDON: There's no proof Kyle Aldrige killed me daughter. BOOTH: Do you need proof? DR. REARDON: Yes, and for a jury to be sympathetic to me, they'd need proof as well. Do you have that proof, Agent Booth? BOOTH: (Opening a file folder and passing it across the table) Aldrige didn't die from hanging. DR. REARDON: (looking at the papers) Succinylcholine poisoning can't be proven. BOOTH: Right. Nobody know that better than you. (holding up Dr. Reardon's book, "Comparative Studies of Associative Functions in Anesthesiology and Poisons") You literally wrote the book on it, doc. (dropping the book on the table) So, can you role up your sleeves, please? (Dr. Reardon unbuttons and rolls up his sleeves. Dr. Reardon raises his arms; there are no marks.) (Interior - Day - Main examination area at the Jeffersonian. Cam and Hodgins are looking at a metal fragment on the computer screen) HODGINS: This is a sample of eight hundred year old bronze. CAM: Why am I interested in that? HODGINS: Because we found a fragment of eight hundred year old copper in Kristen Reardon. CAM: Different metals, right. HODGINS: Copper is an ingredient in bronze and when Angela accused me of being Gormogon, it started me thinking. CAM: Angela accused you of being Gormogon? HODGINS: It started me thinking that you and Booth could be right. (Cam looks at Hodgins intensely) I am NOT Gormogon. CAM: Booth and I could be right about what? HODGINS: I put the serial killer in the vault out of my mind and started considering Kristen's murder as it's own . . . singular . . . occurrence . . . What? CAM: From the outside you are a pretty good candidate to be Gormogon. HODGINS: It's possible . . . that the copper in Kristen's wound was an unalloyed chip from a larger piece of bronze, like a chocolate chip that didn't mix in the cake mix. CAM: And the Jeffersonian's full of bronze weapons. HODGINS: None of which are in Gormogon's vault. CAM: Are you able to match a bronze weapon to a copper fragment? HODGINS: Theoretically, but it would take about two hundred years to test every bronze weapon in the Jeffersonian. (Angela enters) ANGELA: I might be able to help with that. (Interior - Day - Angela's office at the Jeffersonian. Zack, Hodgins, Angela and Cam are standing around the Angelator which shows the skeletal structure of a female in green) ANGELA: I worked up a 3-D model of Kristen's murder and I noticed something. This is Kristen. (A red line intersects the figure from upper left to lower right) The angle of attack was exactly sixty-seven degrees. ZACK: As you can see, the weapon went right though her. ANGELA: Which is weird. HODGINS: Why? ZACK: We've been assuming that Kristen was stabbed. CAM: Someone would have to be awfully tall to stab downward at that angle. ANGELA: And incredibly strong; six foot eight and three hundred pounds. ZACK: No one at the Jeffersonian looks like that. CAM: It'd be pretty tough for someone like that to sneak in. HODGINS: Alternative explanations? ZACK: Projectile? CAM: Blood stain analysis indicates Kristen was killed on Aldrige's work table. ANGELA: And there's no evidence on the surface suggesting that a projectile exited Kristen's body and struck the table, but . . . (image falls backward onto red line which is at a sixty-seven degree angel a horizontal surface) HODGINS: Kristen was impaled? Like a piece of paper on a message spike. ANGELA: Visualize a sharp object on the table at a fixed sixty-seven degree angle.j ZACK: The object impales Kristen through the posterior thorax . . . CAM: exits her anterior thorax . . . ZACK: still at a sixty-seven degree angel. (Bancroft enters). BANCROFT: The only rational conclusion is the death itself was accidental. (Angela turns off the simulation) Dr. Aldrige gets in a tiff with his young girlfriend, she pulls out her phone, threatens to call his wife. They argue, Aldrige reaches for the phone, the girl falls back onto the table. ANGELA: If you call Aldrige by his name, you really should call the girl by her name. BANCROFT: At which point he panics and throws Ms. Reardon down the incinerator chute. Overcome with remorse, he arranges to meet with the federal attorney to confess, but before he can do that, guilt destroys him, he hangs himself in the vault symbolically aligning himself with the serial killer. CAM: Whoa, Dr. Bancroft, Dr. Aldrige arranged to meet the federal attorney? BANCROFT: Through the Jeffersonian in-house counsel. Most likely to confess. ANGELA: Why didn't he just confess during Dr. Brennan's interrogation? BANCROFT: "The guilt being great the fear doth still exceed. And extreme fear can neither fight nor fly, but coward-like with trembling terror die." ZACK: Unfortunately for Mr. Shakespeare, Dr. Aldrige didn't actually commit suicide. HODGINS: He died of succinylcholine poison. BANCROFT: It's my understanding that that can't be proven. At least not to court standards. I think you'll find my explanation will satisfy any inquest inquiry. CAM: Dr. Bancroft, it's our professional opinion here in the forensics lab, that Dr. Aldrige was murdered. BANCROFT: Fine. Prove it. But watch your backs. Because if I'm wrong and you're right that means that there's still a serial killer out there. And if I were the killer, you'd be next Ms. Montenegro. ANGELA: Why me? BANCROFT: Well, you identified the Reardon girl, you figured our this hologramatic impalement scenario. Be careful. (exits) ANGELA: I feel like I was just threatened. (Interior - Day - Main examination are at the Jeffersonian. Hodgins is standing in front of trays of different implements. Brennan is sitting on a stool behind him and to the right, Booth is looking at a spear behind and to the left.) HODGINS: I checked every bronze weapon in the Jeffersonian that matches Angela's criteria, none are consistent with the fragments removed from Kris- (Booth thrusts the spear towards Jack) - ten. BOOTH: (Puts down the spear) Well, obviously we're looking for a weapon that was smuggled in. (Hodgins and Brennan make doubtful sounds) What were those noises? BRENNAN: There is no way to smuggle an eight-hundred year old bronze weapon into the Jeffersonian. HODGINS: No, no. We have x-rays, guards, metal detectors . . . BRENNAN: You come in with anything bigger than a watch, they search you. BOOTH: You two are geniuses, how would you do it? HODGINS: It's absolutely impossible. BRENNAN: Unless you mail it. HODGINS: Oh. Yeah, right, there's that. BOOTH: What?! BRENNAN: If you mail something to the Jeffersonian, it doesn't need to be cleared by customs or security. BOOTH: Okay, you're saying that if I want to get a stolen artifact into the United States, all I have to do is mail it to the Jeffersonian. BRENNAN: Technically yes, but, the fact is we check and report all items to the government. BOOTH: Okay, who's we? HODGINS: (closing his eyes and dropping his head) The authentications department. BOOTH: Oh, okay, you mean a bunch of starving interns who work here during the summer. BRENNAN: (To Hodgins) Interns keep detailed records of every item they authenticate. Access Kristen Reardon's log. (Hodgins and Brennan move to the computer) HODGINS: I suppose Gormogon could've mailed himself to the Jeffersonian, stolen an I.D. and simply walked out. BOOTH: This has got nothing to do with Goobagon. BRENNAN: Gormogon! BOOTH: Whatever. How many times do I have to say that? HODGINS: I don't have the necessary clearance. BRENNAN: Let me try. (Hodgins moves from the computer and Brennan begins to type. Red screen pops up stating, "ACCESS DENIED - Please check your password and try again or contact the network administrator") Neither do I! HODGINS: (moving forward to the computer, pushing them aside) Excuse me. BRENNAN: Wait, you have a password? BOOTH: Yeah, Cam's. What she won't mind. (Hodgins chuckles, Brennan looks incredulous. Hodgins moves back to the computer) HODGINS: Well, Kristen Reardon worked on a lot of sixteenth century Baroque wood carvings. BOOTH: (taps Brennan on the shoulder) I know your password too. It's daffodil. BRENNAN: I never told you that! BOOTH: What? I got eyes. I mean you guys aren't exactly CIA material. HODGINS: Daffodil? BRENNAN: What? They're pretty. HODGINS: It looks like Kristen might've worked on some Luristan bronzes. BRENNAN: Any from the thirteenth century? (Hodgins pulls up a list, and pictures of artifacts) HODGINS: Yeah, tools, utensils, sculptures . . , BOOTH: What's Luristan? BRENNAN: Persia. BOOTH: You mean Iran or Iraq. Since the war Iraqi museums have been looted and their pieces are being sold on the black market. This murder has nothing to do with the vault. Or a serial killer. HODGINS: Kristen Reardon was a smuggler? BOOTH: More than likely killed by a smuggler. HODGINS: She goes to report something and the smuggler kills her. (Booth nods smugly) BRENNAN: I'll have Zack check all these as possible murder weapons. (to Booth) And I'm changing my password. (moves to the computer, using her hand to shield the screen.) BOOTH: Daisy? BRENNAN: How did you know? BOOTH: It's your second favorite flower. (Hodgins smiles) I know you Bones. Try a planet. (walks away, Brennan nods and begins to type. Booth walks a few steps and then snaps and turns around) Jupiter! (Hodgins laughs and turns away) (Interior - Day - Autopsy Room at the Jeffersonian. Cam is at the sink. Booth enters.) CAM: Hey! BOOTH: Hey. CAM: I owe you. BOOTH: No, you don't. CAM: I do. It took the pressure off. I even reconnected with Felicia. (walking to her desk, Booth following) BOOTH: She kissed me. CAM: What? BOOTH: I swear, I didn't see it coming, she just planted it on me. CAM: Like a peck on the cheek or a full meal? BOOTH: (thinking) Why does that even matter? CAM: Full meal. I don't believe it. BOOTH: What's the big deal? I mean, you and I aren't actually, you know, going out. CAM: She thought she stole you away from me, that's why she was so nice. You! BOOTH: What? CAM: You kissed back. BOOTH: No! No. No, there was no "kiss back." (Cam looks at Booth accusatorially) You know, my lips, they may have parted for a second . . . (Felicia enters) FELICIA: Hi, ready for lunch? BOOTH: Hi. CAM: (to Booth) Don't say hello to her. (to Felicia) How could you make a move on my boyfriend? FELICIA: (moving to stand next to Cam) He said things weren't so great between you guys. CAM: Didn't think you should ask me first? FELICIA: Sorry, didn't seem like he was all that into you! BOOTH: Time out, let's get real here okay? You are actually fighting over something that does not even exist. FELICIA: What? BOOTH: We don't go out anymore. We broke up a long time ago. FELICIA: And you brought him for Dad so he'd still think . . . CAM: You know how dad is - I'd never hear the end of it. You saw how he lit up when he got that remote! BOOTH: It can handle up to eight different devices . . . CAM: We know, Booth. FELICIA: Why didn't you tell me you guys split up? CAM: You want him, take him. I don't care. FELICIA: I don't want him. BOOTH: You don't? FELICIA: (To Cam) No, I was just trying to get back at you for being so perfect all the time. CAM: So you admit it! FELICIA: Like you're a saint. (to Booth) She used to go into my closet with all my dolls and say that they were having a party but I wasn't invited. CAM: You were five, and they did not like you. FELICIA: Typical, start a fight so we miss lunch. CAM: Oh, you made reservations? I'm surprised. I thought we'd have to eat from a cart in the street! BOOTH: Wow, you two can have lunch after all this? FELICIA: Please, like you can ruin a meal. (Felicia laughs, Cam smiles. BOOTH: Okay, that's it. (pointing at Felicia) I don't know who you think . . . CAM: Don't raise your voice to her, Seeley. (Felicia looks at Booth, appalled) (to Felicia) Let's go, let him calm down. BOOTH: What? CAM: (Felicia and Cam leaving. To Booth) Wow. FELICIA: Why did you guys break up? What did he do? BOOTH: It wasn't me! I . . . (Interior - Day - Zack's office at the Jeffersonian. Zack is sitting at the computer, Brennan behind him. A statue of an a horned animal is on the screen) ZACK: This is the most likely murder weapon. BRENNAN: It's an antelope. ZACK: Actually, it's an Oryx. BRENNAN: That's a type of antelope. ZACK: I was being precise. You used to appreciate that. (the computer calculates the angle from the table to the horn's position) BRENNAN: Sixty-seven degrees. ZACK: Exactly. Oryx on table, struggle, Kristen Reardon is impaled on the Oryx. BRENNAN: (patting him on the shoulder) Good work, Zack! Let's swab the sculpture, see if there's any DNA evidence. ZACK: It's not here. (Interior - Day - Walkway above the main examination area at the Jeffersonian. Cam and Bancroft are walking towards the lounge.) BANCROFT: What do you mean, it's not here anymore? CAM: According to Jeffersonian records, the Oryx was mailed to Box 99, Poplar Street Post Office in Arlington. BANCROFT: The Jeffersonian is being used to smuggle Iraqi artifacts? Has the FBI been informed about this? CAM: Yes, Dr. Bancroft, Agent Booth and Dr. Brennan are trying to arrange to have the post office staked out by tomorrow. BANCROFT: Good, good, that's (winks and gives her a thumbs up) that's good. (exits) CAM: (dials her phone) It's Cam. (Exterior - Day - Booth and Brennan in Booth's SUV parked on the street across from the ) I told him. You were right, he wasn't happy when I said the FBI already knew. BOOTH: Thanks, Cam. Now we'll see if he's a part of it or just another ass covering buracrate. CAM: Good hunting. (clicks her phone closed) BOOTH: Little game there, Bones - who shows up for the Iraqi Bambi? BRENNAN: There are a number of possible candidates. BOOTH: Come on, I mean, it's a stake out. Play with me. Speculate. My money's on Bancroft. BRENNAN: The head of the Jeffersonian? Why? BOOTH: He's a doughy. BRENNAN: (scoffs) You think he's a murderer just because you don't like him? BOOTH: Bones, it's a game. BRENNAN: Well, there's no way it's Bancroft, he has a doctorate. BOOTH: Dr. Kevorkian has a doctorate. (A yellow cab pulls up in front of the post office, Klimkew gets out ) Oh. So does that guy. BRENNAN: Dr. Klimkew. (Interior - Day - Interrogation Room at FBI Headguarters. Klimkew is sitting at the table, where the Oryx statue sits. Booth and Brennan sit opposite each other at the table) KLIMKEW: During a murder investigation, you uncovered my smuggling operation? BOOTH: Yep. KLIMKEW: Man that is bad, bad luck. BRENNAN: (leaning forward) What about the murders, Evan? KLIMKEW: Kristen Reardon and Kyle Aldrige? No, I'm afraid that their deaths are on your hands. BOOTH: How do you figure? KLIMKEW: Well, this silver skeleton Gormogon serial killer's obviously involved. (To Brennan) You brought him into our house. No, I can only take responsibility for smuggling this Oryx (puts his hand on the statue) into the country. BOOTH: Get your hands off the murder weapon. (Klimkew moves his hand, looking questioningly at Booth and Brennan) BRENNAN: (to Klimkew) We know what happened. KLIMKEW: (looking from Brennan to Booth) I was there. But it wasn't me who pushed Kristen onto that table, it- it was Aldrige. BOOTH: Now, why would he do that? KLIMKEW: Uh, love gone wrong, I don't know, but Aldrige said (Booth moves to stand behind Klimkew) that if I didn't help him dispose of the body he'd expose my smuggling deal and I would go to prison. BOOTH: Well, I guess that's it then, huh Bones? Case closed. (claps his hand on Aldrige's shoulder) BRENNAN: Right, well, except . . . somebody killed Kyle Aldrige. KLIMKEW: No, he hanged himself. (Booth grabs his arm and pulls it up and back) Ow . . . (Booth pulls down his shift sleeve exposing red burns) BOOTH: Rope burns. Look at that. We think you killed Kristen Reardon, probably by accident . . . BRENNAN: We know you killed Kyle Adlrige. BOOTH: Premeditated. BRENNAN: And I'm confident we can prove it beyond reasonable doubt to a jury. (Booth slams down Klimkew's hand) It's over, Evan. (Booth slaps his shoulder as he walks back to his chair) KLIMKEW: Do either of you know a good lawyer? (Interior - Night - Booth's Office at FBI Headquarters. Booth and Brennan are sitting across from each other in recliners at a small table. Booth is pouring shots into paper cups) BOOTH: Okay, don't take it so hard. BRENNAN: I'm not taking anything hard. (Booth raises his cup in a toast) What are we, Russian? BOOTH: Nostrovia. Yeah. (they take the shots, sit down the cups, and crush them) I'll tell you what else I know. What you're taking hard is, uh, the fact that it happened in your house. BRENNAN: It's not my house! BOOTH: Not where you sleep! Okay, you're favorite place, the house of reason, the Jeffersonian. BRENNAN: No. It's not my favorite place. BOOTH: Yes, it is. BRENNAN: What, no it's not- how do you know? BOOTH: Daffodil. Daisy. Jupiter. (pours another shot into two new cups) Okay, I'll tell you what else I know, (lifts his cup in a toast) you were hoping that it was gorgonzola. (they take the shots) BRENNAN: Gormogon. BOOTH: Ah! So you admit it! BRENNAN: Accidentally! Does- does that count? BOOTH: Yes. Look, all the scientists and the squints and the eggheads, they wanted it to be a serial killer so it wouldn't be one of them. BRENNAN: Them? BOOTH: You. BRENNAN: Me? BOOTH: One of you. You were all offended that it was one of you. BRENNAN: You know what? I am offended. BOOTH: I just said that. (pours another shot) BRENNAN: I'm offended! Because . . . BOOTH: Because you were betrayed by one of your own. BRENNAN: Yes. Are you going to betray me? BOOTH: No. (they toast) BRENNAN: Nonetheless, I shall be vigilant. (they take the shots) BOOTH: "Nonetheless"? (they laugh) BRENNAN: I'm not gonna' have a headache tomorrow, am I? BOOTH: Well, we're gonna' find out. Hodgins and Jack, they do their experiments. We do ours. (they toast) To Gorgonzola. BRENNAN: Gormogon. (they take the shots, sit the cups down and before Brennan can crush hers, it falls of the table) BOOTH: You missed. (laughs)

Employees of the Jeffersonian Institute become murder suspects when the remains of a Jeffersonian intern is found in the building's incinerator. Booth, Brennan and their team set about to investigate her death and find she had been working on authenticating items from the bank vault of the Gormogon case, which is still open. They acquire further motives for her death when they discover she had been in a romantic relationship with a married Jeffersonian employee. Meanwhile, Booth poses as Cam's boyfriend and accompanies her to her family get-together.

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Scene: A corridor at the University. Leonard: On the other hand, some physicists are concerned that if the super collider actually works, it will create a black hole and swallow up the Earth ending life as we know it. Raj: Psh, what a bunch of crybabies. No guts, no glory man. Leonard (looking at an orange notice on the noticeboard): Hey, check it out, the school of pharmacology is looking for volunteers. Raj: We are testing a new medication for social anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia and obsessive compulsive disorder. Why would they be looking for test subjects here? Leonard: I don't know, Raj. Maybe the comic book store doesn't have a bulletin board. (Sees crowds in the corridor) What's going on? Howard: Shhh! Hot girl in Sheldon's office. Leonard: Sheldon's office? Is she lost? Howard: Don't think so. I followed her here from the parking lot. Leonard: Maybe she's his lawyer. Howard: Well she's free to examine my briefs. Leonard: Howard... Howard: I know, I'm disgusting, I should be punished. By her, oh look, I did it again. Girl: Well, that should do it. Sheldon: Thank you for coming by. (He rises from his desk. Everyone rushes to look nonchalant.) Hello. Leonard: Oh, hey buddy. Sheldon: Buddy. Howard: Sorry I'm late, I'm working on a project that may take me up on the next space shuttle. Sheldon: How can you be late, I wasn't expecting you at all. Howard: Nobody ever expects me, sometimes you just look and... BAM! (shakes girl's hand) Howard Wolowitz. Leonard: Sheldon, are you going to introduce us? Sheldon: Oh, alright, this is Missy, Missy this is Leonard and Rajesh and you've already met Howard. Missy: It's nice to meet you. Leonard: You too, swell, also. Howard: Yeah. Leonard: So, how do you two know each other. Missy: Oh, he once spent nine months with my legs wrapped around his head. Leonard: Excuse me? Sheldon: She's my twin sister, she thinks she's funny but frankly I've never been able to see it. Missy: It's because you have no measurable sense of humour, Shelly. Sheldon: How exactly would one measure a sense of humour? A humourmometer? Howard: Well, I think you're delightfully droll. Or as the French say, Tres Drole. Missy: Okay, so let me see if I got this. Leonard, Howard and... I'm sorry what was your name again. (Raj looks uncomfortable, turns and walks away, disappears round corner. He then reappears, takes the orange paper from the noticeboard and leaves again.) Sheldon: Rajesh. Credits sequence Scene: The same. Leonard: So Missy, what brings you all the way from Texas? Howard: Was it perhaps destiny, I think it was destiny. Missy: My friend's getting married in Disneyland tomorrow night. Howard: Destiny, thy name is Anaheim. Missy: And I had to drop off some papers for Shelly to sign for my dad's estate. Sheldon: The papers could have been mailed, Mom just sent you here to spy on me, didn't she. Missy: I guess that's why they call you a genius. Sheldon: They call me a genius because I'm a genius. Tell Mom that I currently weigh 165 pounds, and that I'm having regular bowel movements. Enjoy the wedding, goodbye. Leonard and Howard together: Woah, woah. Leonard: If the wedding's not until tomorrow, why don't you stay with us tonight? Missy: Oh, I don't think so. Shelly doesn't like company. Even as a little boy he'd send his imaginary friends home at the end of the day. Sheldon: They were not friends, they were imaginary colleagues. Leonard: Look, you're here, we have plenty of room. Sheldon: No we don't. Howard: Come on, Shelly, she's family. Sheldon: So what? I don't issue invitations to your mother. Missy: Well it would be nice not to have to drive out to Anaheim in rush hour. Sheldon: And don't ever call me Shelly. Leonard: So it's settled. You'll stay with us. Howard: I'll walk you to your car. You're in structure 3 level C, right? Sheldon: What just happened? Scene: The apartment. Missy: So anyway, we're eight years old, and Sheldon converts my easy-bake oven to some kind of high-powered furnace. Leonard: Hee-hee, just classic. Sheldon: I needed a place to fire ceramic semi-conductor substrates for home-made integrated circuits. Missy: He was trying to build some kind of armed robot to keep me out of his room. Sheldon: Made necessary by her insistence on going into my room. Missy: Anyway, I go to make those little corn muffins they give you, there's a big flash, next thing you know my eyebrows are gone. Howard: Ha-ha, not your eyebrows? Missy: Yep. I had to go through the entire second grade with crooked eyebrows my Mom drew on. Sheldon: Is that what that was? I just assumed that the second grade curriculum had rendered you quizzical. Penny (knocking and entering, holding up a pair of superman undershorts.): Hey, Leonard, you left your underwear in the dryer downstairs. Leonard: Those are not mine. Penny: Really, they have your little name label in them. Leonard: Yeah, no, I do, I use those... uh... just to polish up my... spear-fishing equipment. I spear fish. When I'm not crossbow hunting, I spear fish. Uh, Penny, this is Sheldon's twin sister, Missy. Missy, this is our neighbour Penny. Missy: Hi. Penny: Wow, you don't look that much alike. Howard: Can I get a hallelujah. Sheldon: Fraternal twins come from two separate eggs, they are no more alike than any other siblings. Howard: Hallelujah. Raj (running in): Hey, guess what. I've been accepted as a test subject for a new miracle drug to overcome pathological shyness. Penny: Hey, good for you, Raj. Raj: Yes, I'm very hopeful. Hello Missy. (He waves his hand. It keeps waving.) They mentioned there may be side effects. Scene: The same, later. Raj: So, Missy. Have you ever met a man from the exotic subcontinent of India? Missy: Well, there's Dr Patel at our church. Raj: Ah yes, Dr Patel, good man. Howard: Do you like motorcycles, 'cos I ride a hog. Raj: A hog? You have a two cylinder scooter with a basket on the front. Howard: You still have to wear a helmet. Raj: Have you ever heard of the Kama Sutra? Missy: The s*x book? Raj: The Indian s*x book. In other words if you wonder wonder who wrote the book of love, it was us. Penny (to Leonard): Hey, Sheldon's sister's pretty cute, I w.... Leonard: I wasn't staring! Penny: I didn't say you were, I just said she was cute. Leonard: Oh. Huh, um, maybe, if you like women who are tall... and perfect. Penny: Sheldon, why are you ignoring your sister? Sheldon: I'm not ignoring my sister. I'm ignoring all of you. Leonard: I brought snacks. Missy: Oh my! Gherkins and.... Leonard: Onion dip, it's onion dip. Missy: Oh. Leonard: We don't entertain much. Raj: Missy, do you enjoy pajamas? Missy: I guess. Raj: We Indians invented them. You're welcome. Howard: Yeah, well my people invented circumcision. You're welcome! Penny: Missy, I'm going to go get my nails done. Do you want to come? Missy: God yes. Thanks. Penny: You're welcome. Missy: Bye guys. Howard: Bye Missy. Leonard: Bye Missy, see you. Penny: Goodbye Leonard! Leonard: Uh, yeah, no, uh, bye Penny. Howard: Okay, you two have to back off. Raj: Why should I back off, you back off dude. Leonard: Excuse me, this is my apartment and she's my roommate's sister. Howard: So what, you've already got Penny. Leonard: How do I have Penny? In what universe do I have Penny? Howard: So I can have Penny? Leonard: Hell, no! Sheldon: Excuse me, can I interject something. I'm ordering pizza online, is everyone okay with pepperoni? Leonard: Sheldon, can I talk to you in private? Sheldon: I guess. Don't worry, I was going to order you cheeseless. Leonard: Thank you. Sheldon: That's okay. Lactose intolerance is nothing to be embarrassed about. Howard: I'm a fancy Indian man, we invented pajamas! Raj: Hey, look at me, I don't have a foreskin. Scene: Sheldon's bedroom. Leonard: Sheldon, are you aware that your sister is an incredibly attractive woman? Sheldon: Hmmm? She certainly has the symmetry and low body fat that western culture deems desirable. It's noteworth that at other points in history, heavier women were the standard for beauty because their girth suggested affluence. Leonard: That's fascinating, but I... Sheldon: I didn't say it was fascinating, I said it was noteworthy. Leonard: Alright, noted. But my point is that Koothrappali and Wolowitz... they're hitting on your sister. Sheldon: Oh. Okay. You know, I don't want to criticise your rhetorical style but, we'd be a lot further along in this conversation if you'd begun with that thought. Leonard: That's great, but I.... Sheldon: What I'm saying is that we took quite an unnecessary detour from what I now understand to be your thesis. Leonard: Whatever. You have to do something about it. Sheldon: Why? Leonard: Because she's your sister. Sheldon: I don't understand. Yes, we shared a uterus for nine months, but since then we've pretty much gone our own separate ways. Leonard: Okay, uh.... oh, consider this. With your father gone, it is your responsibility to make sure that Missy chooses a suitable mate. Sheldon: I hadn't considered that. We do share DNA. Leonard: Uh-huh. Sheldon: So there is the possibility, however remote, that resting in her loins is the potential for another individual as remarkable as myself. Leonard: Exactly. And, you owe it to yourself and to posterity to protect the genetic integrity of your sister's future offspring. Sheldon: You're right. If someone wants to get at Missy's fallopian tubes, they'll have to go through me. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The living room. Raj and Howard are on the floor, fighting. Raj: I am Shiva the destroyer, I will have the woman! Howard: I'm warning you, I was judo champion at math camp. Sheldon: Alright, that's enough juvenile squabbling, stop it, stop it I say. I'm going to settle this right now. Neither of you are good enough for my sister. Howard: Who are you to decide that? Leonard: He's the man of his family, you have to respect his wishes. Sheldon: You're out too, by the way. Leonard: Say what? Sheldon: It's nothing personal, I'd just prefer if my future niece or nephew didn't become flatulent every time they eat an Eskimo pie. Howard (to Raj, who is smiling): What are you so happy about? Raj: I'm not happy, it's the medication, I can't stop smiling. (Waves hand at mouth. It keeps waving.) Sheldon: Now that Leonard's made me aware of how high the genetic stakes are, we have to face the fact that none of you are suitable mates for my sister. Howard: Wait a minute. Leonard made you aware of that? Leonard: We all make mistakes, let's move on. Raj: Excuse me, but I think you're missing a big opportunity here. Sheldon: How so? Raj: Everybody knows genetic diversity produces the strongest offspring. Why not put a little mocha in the family latte. Sheldon: In principle you have a point, but as a practical matter, need I remind you that it takes experimental pharmaceuticals to simply enable you to speak to the opposite s*x. Raj (waving finger at him): I think you're focussing entirely too much on the drugs. (Finger keeps waving. Leonard has to reach out and stop it.) Howard: Is it 'cause I'm Jewish, 'cause I'd kill my Rabbi with a porkchop to be with your sister. Sheldon: This has nothing to do with religion. This has to do with the fact that you're a tiny, tiny man who still lives with his mother. Leonard: Sheldon, you are really being unreasonable. Sheldon: Am I? Here. Eat this cheese without farting and you can sleep with my sister. Missy (who has just entered): Oh really? Sheldon: Oops. Missy: Shelly, can I speak to you for a minute? Alone? Sheldon: Why does everyone suddenly want to talk to me alone? Usually nobody wants to be alone with me. Leonard (to Penny who is standing next to him grinning): We all make mistakes, let's move on. Scene: Sheldon's bedroom. Missy: Okay. I'm not even going to ask why you're pimping me out for cheese. But since when do you care at all about who I sleep with? Sheldon: Truthfully, I've never given it any thought, but it has been pointed out to me that you carry DNA of great potential. Missy: What on earth are you talking about? Sheldon: Let me explain. You see, I'm a superior genetic mutation, an improvement on the existing mediocre stock. Missy: And what do you mean, mediocre stock? Sheldon: That would be you. But residing within you is the potential for another me. Perhaps even taller, smarter and less prone to freckling, a Sheldon 2.0 if you will. Missy: Sheldon 2.0? Sheldon: Exactly. Now, I am not saying that I should be the sole decider of who you mate with. If you're not attracted to the suitor then the likelihood of conception would be reduced. Missy: You have got to be kidding me! Sheldon: Not at all. Frequent coitus dramatically increases the odds of fertiliziation. Missy: Okay Shelly, sit down. Now I've lived my whole life dealing with the fact that my twin brother is, as Mom puts it, one of God's special little people. Sheldon: I always thought I was more like a cuckoo bird. You know, a superior creature whose egg is placed in the nest of ordinary birds. Of course the newly hatched cuckoo eats all the food, leaving the ordinary siblings to starve to death. Luckily for you, that's where the metaphor ended. Missy: I thought it ended at cuckoo. Now you listen to me, if you want to start acting like a brother who cares about me, then terrific. Bring it on. But you try one time to tell me who I should be sleeping with, and you and I are going to go round and round the way we did when we were little. Remember? (Sheldon hurriedly crosses his legs.) Sheldon: I have an alternate proposal. Missy: Go on. Sheldon: You donate eggs. We will place them in cryogenic storage. I will find an appropriate sperm donor for your eggs, have them fertilized and implanted in you, that way everybody wins. Scene: The living room. Sheldon enters limping, holding his groin area. Sheldon: Correction. Missy can date whoever she wants. Scene: The same, later. Howard: Look, we have to settle this. Leonard: I agree. Sheldon's sister is hiding at Penny's because we've all been hitting on her at the same time. Raj: She's not hiding. She needed privacy to call her grandmother who's apparently very sick. Oh, and then I believe she has to wash her hair. Howard: Oh, you poor, deluded b*st*rd. Raj: Don't start with me dude. Howard: You want to go again? Let's go. Leonard: Sit down. Howard: Okay. Leonard: If we're going to fight over Missy, let's do it the right way. The honourable way. (Time shift. Sheldon enters to hear sounds of fighting. It becomes apparent that the guys are playing a boxing game on a Nintendo Wii.) Leonard: And he's down! Howard: Come on, come on, get up. Leonard: Stay down, bitch. Yeah, ha ha, natural selection at work. Sheldon: I weep for humanity. Leonard: Excuse me while I go tell Missy the good news. (Leaves and knocks on Penny's door.) Penny (answering): Ah, hey Leonard. Leonard: Hi Penny, how's it going. Listen, that guy Mike that you were dating, is that still going on? Penny: Uh, pretty much, why? Leonard: Nothing, just catching up. By the way, may I speak to Missy please? Penny: Of course. Missy: Hi, Leonard, what's up? Leonard: Well, since you're leaving tomorrow I was wondering if you'd like to go out to dinner with me? Missy: That's so sweet. But no thanks. Leonard: Oh. You have other plans, or...? Missy: No. Leonard: Oh. Alright uh... enjoy the rest of your evening. Missy: Thanks. See you. Leonard (returning): Um, here's something we didn't anticipate. (Time shift. Penny opens door to Howard.) Penny: What do you want, Howard? Howard: I'm fine, thanks for asking. I've come to call on Missy. Penny: Missy? Missy: Hi Howard. Howard: The amazing Howard. Do you like magic? Missy: Not really. No. Howard: Then you are in for a treat. Behold, an ordinary cane. (Taps against doorpost. While humming he tries to perform a trick, but the cane falls in half with a yellow handkerchief flying out. Howard has to retrieve the pieces.) Da-dah! (Emerges with the handkerchief, on which are written the words "will you go out with me?") Missy: No. Howard: Okay. (Does something with hands, from which another yellow handkerchief emerges. This one reads "are you sure?" Missy closes the door.) (Time shift. Penny opens the door to Raj.) Penny: Missy? Raj: Thank you. I apprec.... (looks panicked) apprec.... appreeee.... oh-oh. Penny: Oh, honey, is your medication wearing off? (Raj nods.) Missy: Oh, hi, cutie pie. I was hoping you'd show up. (Raj attempts to speak. All that emerges is a high pitched wail. After a few more attempts he turns and leaves down the stairs, still making the same sound.) Missy: We had a dog who made a noise like that. Had to put him down. Scene: The stairwell. Missy and Sheldon are descending. Missy: Any news you want me to pass along to Mom? Sheldon: Well, she might be interested to know that I have refocused my research from bosonic string theory to heteronic string theory. Missy: Yeah, I'll just tell her you said hey. Sheldon: Okay, well, it was pleasant seeing you, other than that business with my testicles. (Holds out hand to shake.) Missy: Come on, Shelly. (Hugs him. He looks uncomfortable, then hugs back half heartedly.) I want you to know I'm very proud of you. Sheldon: Really? Missy: Yup, I'm always bragging to my friends about my brother the rocket scientist. Sheldon: You tell people I'm a rocket scientist? Missy: Well yeah. Sheldon: I'm a theoretical physicist. Missy: What's the difference? Sheldon: What's the difference? Missy: Goodbye Shelly. Sheldon: My God! Why don't you just tell them I'm a toll taker at the Golden Gate Bridge? Rocket scientist, how humiliating.

Sheldon introduces his twin sister Missy to the guys, and all are attracted to her. Raj decides to take part in a drug trial to cure his inability to talk to women, and Leonard insists Missy stay with them at the apartment. Predictably, the men all awkwardly flirt with her, so Penny comes to her rescue. Leonard, hoping for an advantage over Howard and Raj, convinces Sheldon he is Missy's guardian as concerns her choice of partner. Sheldon deems all three guys to be unsuitable for her. On learning of Sheldon's plan to find her a suitable mate, Missy confronts her brother, and after she kicks him in the groin he agrees she can date whoever she likes. She turns down Leonard, and then Howard, who fails to charm her with simple conjuring tricks. Finally Raj goes to talk to Missy, who shows interest in him, but the drug wears off and he is unable to speak to her, forcing Raj to leave defeated.

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fd_Frasier_10x13_0

Act 1 Scene 1 - An Airliner [Fade in. Lilith is sitting in first class reading a magazine. The man next to her (Albert) glances nervously at the window, then reaches across her to close the shade.] Albert: Sorry. I'm a nervous flyer. Lilith: Yes, I see. Oh, you're white as a sheet. Albert: No, actually, I'm always this pale. My ex-wife used to say she could tell when I was embarrassed because I'd turn off-white. Lilith: I can empathize. Sometimes after a late night, I covered my under-eye circles with Liquid Paper. So are you traveling to Seattle for business or pleasure? Albert: Both, hopefully. I'm relocating for work. How about you? Lilith: I need to ask an old friend for a favor. Albert: It's a long trip just to ask for a favor. Lilith: It's a big favor. Albert: Well I hope your friend complies. Lilith: It'll take some work, but I'll get what I want. [A flight attendant comes up.] Attendant: Oh, dear, you two look awfully pale. Can I bring you something? Lilith: Not unless you have any extra melanin lying around. [She leaves as Albert laughs.] Albert: You should be a comedian. Lilith: I've thought about it. [She goes back to her reading. Fade out.] Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment [Fade in. Martin is walking from the kitchen to his chair. When he hears keys in the door, he sets his beer down and hurries towards the bedroom. The door opens and Frasier comes in.] Frasier: Dad? Dad, Dad! What? Are you hiding? Martin: I heard the key in the door, I thought Lilith might be with you. What's she coming for anyway? Frasier: Well, I don't really know. She said she was flying across the country to ask me about something that was important. She's being very mysterious about it. [He hangs up his coat as the doorbell rings.] Martin: Is that her? Frasier: Well, no. No, Dad, I'm not seeing her until tomorrow. Martin: Well, let me know when she's coming, will you, so I can come up with an excuse to clear out. Because I'm not good at winging it. [Frasier opens the door. It is Lilith.] Frasier: Oh, Lilith. Hi. Look who's here, Dad. Lilith: Hello, Martin. [Martin smiles nervously, then glances at his watch.] Martin: Oh, time to go... practice my signature. [He heads for the bedrooms.] Frasier: Please, come on in, Lilith. So, I didn't think I was going to be seeing you 'til tomorrow. Lilith: Yes, I know that was the plan, but I just had to stop by on my way to the hotel. What I'm here to talk to you about is not something one just drops on another person. [gesturing for him to sit] Please. [He sits down.] Lilith: [sitting beside him] Frasier, recently a subconscious yearning has tunneled its way to the surface and I now know what it is I need in order to make my life complete. Frasier: Well, that's wonderful news. How can I help? Lilith: You can give me your sperm. Frasier: I beg your pardon? Lilith: I want to have another baby. Frasier: Well, you certainly don't need me for that. Surely... someone in Boston must have sperm. Lilith: I came to you first so that Frederick could have a full sibling. Frasier: So, just like that we're going to have another baby together. Lilith: No, not just like that. I mapped out our dominant and recessive traits on a genome square, applied Mendel's laws, allowed for anomalies and concluded that you are the best biological choice. Frasier: I see. Well, as enticed as I am by your honeyed words, I'm gonna need some kissin'. Lilith: Frasier, don't misunderstand, I'm not proposing any change in our relationship. Frasier: Would we... sleep together? Lilith: I thought we'd freeze your sperm. Frasier: Is that a "yes" or a "no"? Lilith: Natural fertilization is impractical. I'd have to fly to Seattle every time I ovulate. Frasier: [getting up] Right, okay. So, then your plan is for me to visit some local doctor, freeze my essence and then bring it home with you. Lilith: Correct. I'll take mine to go. [Frasier sits on the arm of Martin's chair.] Frasier: I don't know. I'm going to have to think about it. Lilith: [rising] Yes, of course, absolutely. Think about it, and you can give me your answer tomorrow. [She heads for the door, Frasier follows.] Frasier: Okay. Lilith: You can come back from around the corner now, Martin. Martin: [from around the corner] Good night, Lilith. Lilith: Good night. [She leaves.] Frasier: You were eavesdropping? [Martin comes into the living room.] Martin: It was an accident and I only heard the part about her wanting to have another baby with you. Frasier: She completely threw me. [Martin settles into his chair.] Martin: Well, I don't know why you're so surprised. She's seen what the Crane genes can do and she's coming back to the well. Frasier: How does one respond to something like that? Martin: Well, I bet if you say "No" she'll go to Niles. Frasier: Really, it's just so self-centered. I mean, she's got this all figured out for herself without the slightest consideration for my life. Martin: And Niles'll say "No" for sure. Which means only one thing. [He gets a worried look.] She'll come to the source. Me. The fountainhead. Frasier: What? Martin: Can you imagine? Lilith's and my kid would be brother to you and Niles AND Freddie. Frasier: What are you talking about? Martin: And if you and Lilith got back together, you'd be his step-father and his brother and Niles would be your son and his own uncle. It's almost worth doing just so that I can tell the story. [Frasier just waves this off as he heads to his room. Fade out.] Scene 3 - Cafe Nervosa [Fade in. Frasier is sitting at a table. Niles walks in.] Frasier: Oh, hi, Niles. Did Daphne and her mom get off okay? Niles: [sitting down] Yes. They picked up Roz and Alice an hour ago. Although, how they're going to get all the way to Canada without killing each other, I don't know. Frasier: Why did they have to go so far? Niles: Well, that was my idea. I read that Canadian Fun Country is one of the best amusement parks in southeastern British Columbia. Frasier: Well, I'm just saying Daphne's mom should be careful, you know. If you're here on a temporary visa, you know sometimes people have a hard time getting back into the country. Niles: [deadpan] That hadn't occurred to me, Frasier. [N.B. Niles no doubt recalls the family trip in [1.21.], "Travels With Martin," in which the Cranes strayed over the border before Daphne's green card had come through, and they had to smuggle her back posing as an American.] Frasier: Well, seeing as how you're single, I'd invite you to join me for dinner, but I'm meeting with Lilith tonight on a matter of some delicacy. Niles: Dad told me. Now listen, don't feel obligated because she's buying you dinner. Frasier: Truth be told, Niles, I hadn't ruled it out entirely. It would be nice to have another child. And Lilith is a wonderful mother. It's just that, well, is it right to create a human being with a woman to whom you couldn't stand being married? Niles: Well, I'm behind you whatever decision you make, the right one or the crazy one. Frasier: Thank you. [Niles calls out to the passing Barista.] Niles: Excuse me, may I have an espresso? [The waiter nods and heads off. Frasier notices an envelope Niles brought in.] Frasier: What have you got here? Niles: Oh, some snapshots from last summer at the beach. Daphne finally got them developed. [He shows them to Frasier who starts chuckling.] Frasier: Oh, there's Dad eating that hot dog he dropped in the sand. And you, in your linen beach ensemble. Niles: Very nice, yes. Well that's strange. Daphne said I'd particularly like the last picture on the roll but what is it? Frasier: It's hard to tell, it's too dark and blurry. Niles: Looks like the eye of Jupiter. Frasier: Or a slice of pepperoni Niles: Is it a flying saucer? Frasier: Yes, Niles, it's a flying saucer. Mystery solved, well done. [The Barista brings Niles's coffee over and sees the photo.] Barista: Hey, where'd you get the nipple shot? Frasier: Good lord! [Frasier and Niles look again in shock, then Niles clutches the photo to his chest.] Niles: You are to erase that from your mind. Frasier: Is it Daphne? Barista: Nice. Niles: You're not erasing! Erase! [The Barista heads off as Niles points a warning finger at Frasier. Fade out.] Scene 4 - Daphne's Car [Fade in. Daphne is driving, with Roz next to her and Alice and Gertrude in the back.] Roz: I need to stop again. Daphne: We just stopped. I told you not to get that Big Gulp. Roz: But it was only ten cents more. Alice: Punch buggy blue! [She hits Gertrude on the arm.] Gertrude: Ow! Dammit! Daphne: Language! Gertrude: Why does she keep doing that? Roz: It's a game. Gertrude: It hurts. Daphne: All right, mum. Roz: There's a gas station right there, I really need to stop. Daphne: I can't get over, you'll have to wait. Roz: But according to this, my bladder is holding "Thirsty-Two" ounces of soda. Daphne: It's only forty miles. Alice: Punch buggy red. [She hits Gertrude on the arm.] Gertrude: Oh! Son of a...! Daphne: Language! Roz: Alice, honey. Stop hitting Mrs. Moon. She can't take the punch buggy game. Gertrude: Oh, really? Punch buggy white! [She knuckles Roz on the shoulder.] Roz: Ow! It was a Jeep! Gertrude: I play the Jeeps. And Ford. Punch buggy Ford. [She whacks Roz on the head.] Roz: Ow! [Roz turns around to get her back.] Daphne: All right, that's enough. You stop it or no one's going to Canadian Fun Country. And this time I mean it! [They go for a minute in silence, then Gertrude screams and points, startling screams from everyone else.] Gertrude: I'm sorry. I thought you were on the wrong side of the road. I will never get used to the crazy way you drive over here. Daphne: Mum, you have to stop doing that. Roz: Daphne, you seem stressed. Do you want me to drive for a while? Daphne: Maybe once we get out of Seattle. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 5 - A Restaurant [Fade in. Frasier and Lilith are sitting at a table looking over menus.] Lilith: Frasier, I don't want to rush you, but the suspense is too much to bear. Have you decided? Frasier: I'm thinking about the linguini. Lilith: I see. It's "No," then, isn't it? Frasier: I'm sorry, Lilith. This was a very difficult decision for me and I am touched and flattered that you came to me, but I'm not sure I'd be doing it for the right reason. You understand, don't you? Lilith: Yes, I do. And I appreciate your taking the time to think about it. It's that kind of consideration I was hoping to pass on to our second born. Oh, well. So, the pasta is good here? Frasier: Oh, the best. [She glances at the menu some more, then begins to quietly sing to the tune of the "Ode to Joy" chorus of Beethoven's 9th.] Lilith: My dad is the gweatest dad because he cooks me Cweam of Wheat... Frasier: [glaring at her] Lilith, what are you singing? Lilith: Was I singing? Frasier: You were singing "My Dad Is the Gweatest Dad." Lilith: Oh, you mean that song Frederick wrote for you when he was four. Frasier: That video is one of my prized possessions. Of course I haven't looked at it in some time. Lilith: I remember the night we surprised you with it. He crawled up in your lap and said "Why is Daddy cwying?" Frasier: I see what you're doing, you know. Lilith: What? Frasier: You are attempting to manipulate me by invoking powerful emotional memories. Lilith: I assure you, nothing could be further from the truth. [A waiter comes up.] Waiter: Are you ready to order? Lilith: Yes. I'll have the basgetti and beatmalls. Waiter: Mmm. Very good Miss. Lilith: That's what our son used to say when he was three. Waiter: Excellent. Frasier: And I'll have the veal. Waiter: Bravo, sir. [He takes the menus and heads away.] Frasier: Lilith, I'm afraid you're idealizing parenthood. Do you remember colic, teething, changing mountains of diapers? Lilith: Do you remember that time in the bath when he tried to eat the bubbles? We told him to stop, but we kept laughing so he thought it was funny and kept doing it. Frasier: You know, I'd forgotten that. Oh, I wish we had that on video. [She grabs his hand.] Lilith: You can, Frasier. We can have those days back again. Please, I just need is a couple of teaspoons. Frasier: Lilith! Lilith: Just think about what Frederick has meant in our lives. Frasier: I think about it every day. Lilith: Frasier, we're always seeking ways we can leave a legacy. Well, forget my research and your work, this is it! What better gift can we bestow on the world but another person as wonderful as Frederick? [Frasier signals the waiter passing by.] Frasier: Excuse me, I've changed my mind. I've decided that I too will have the basgetti and beatmalls. [Lilith looks up at him, grateful. Fade out.] End of Act 1 [SCENE_BREAK] Act 2 Scene 1 - Cafe Nervosa [Fade in. Niles is sitting at a table, Frasier is getting juice at the counter.] Frasier: Thank you. [He comes over to join Niles] Frasier: Gosh, that coffee smells so good. Lilith won't let me have any caffeine until I've made my little donation. [He sits down.] Niles: Of course. Frasier: So, have you heard from Daphne? Niles: No, we keep missing each other. I'm just glad I have our little... pictorial memento to keep me company. Frasier: I can't believe you're so taken with that blurry, over-exposed photo of a... Niles: Shh!! Frasier: Of what you first mistook to be a flying saucer! Niles: I just think it's sexy that she even did it. Just imagine it: she saw that there was one picture left on the roll, and in a spontaneous moment of brazen exhibitionism, she threw open her blouse and didn't even bother to adjust the f-stop. Yes indeed, I am married to one spicy meatball. [He opens his jacket and checks the picture.] Frasier: Good lord! Don't tell me you carry it around with you. Niles: Well, I didn't want the housekeeper to find it and think we were pornographers. [Frasier just takes this in stride. Fade out.] SOME MAGAZINES, A SPECIMEN CUP, AND A RECORDING OF "TRISTAN UND ISOLDE" Scene 2 - The Fertility Clinic [Fade in. Frasier and Lilith are checking in.] Nurse: Just fill out these forms and I can show you to one of our donation suites. [Fraser takes a clipboard and he and Lilith sit. As he fills out the form, the man across from him glances up.] Man: Will this be your first? Frasier: No, I've been doing this since I was twelve. [Lilith kicks him gently.] Frasier: You mean baby. No, no, this is our second. Man: We've got number four on the way. Lilith: And we're thrilled for you, but perhaps we could chat some other time when we're not trying to create life. [to Frasier] Sign and date. Frasier: Right. [He finishes up the form and Lilith takes it back to the window.] Man: This process can be hard on a relationship, but she'll relax and things'll get better. Frasier: We're already divorced. Man: Good, 'cause she'll never change. [The man's wife slaps him on the shoulder at this. Lilith comes back.] Lilith: Up and at 'em. [He gets up.] Nurse: Follow me, sir. [She leads him to a room.] Nurse: Just go in and make yourself comfortable. You'll find everything you need in the cabinet. Frasier: Thank you. [He starts in, but Lilith stops him.] Lilith: Oh, wait Frasier. It probably doesn't matter, but try to think positive thoughts. Frasier: Thanks for that. I was going to think about the plight of the American Indian. Lilith: I'm just saying we should put the welfare of the sample first. [He goes into the room and closes the door. Lilith turns away, then turns back and taps on the door.] Frasier: [from inside] Yes? Lilith: And don't fall asleep afterwards, I want to get these puppies on ice ASAP. Frasier: Goodbye now. [She starts away, but turns back again, tapping on the door.] Lilith: Just a hint... Frasier: Lilith! If there is ONE thing I can do BY MYSELF, this is it! Now go away. [She heads back to the seats.] Nurse: Right this way. [She leads the other couple off as Lilith sits down and dials her cell phone. A cell phone rings in Frasier's donation suite. He yanks the door open, furious.] Frasier: What?! Lilith: I just remembered a special method which supposedly increases the likelihood of having a boy. Frasier: I see. Is there something I can do to increase the likelihood that we won't have a meddling control freak? Lilith: No, but perhaps you can use a method that will give us a baby that can take other people's advice. Frasier: I would settle for a method where it won't turn out to be a sarcastic prig! Lilith: Oh, just do it! Frasier: Fine! Lilith: Wait, I don't want you to do it when you're mad. Why don't we just take a minute to sit down and breathe? Frasier: It's your dime. [He comes out and sits down beside her.] Frasier: Oh, dear God. What if this child inherits all of our flaws instead of our strengths? We could create a real nightmare. Lilith: That's not going to happen. It's going to be exactly the way it was the first time. Frasier: Is that what's going on here? Are we trying to create a baby or just trying to recreate the past? I mean, Frederick's almost grown now, it's only natural to feel a sense of loss. Lilith: Frasier, don't be simplistic. Frasier: No, Lilith, I know what you're going through. You want to feel needed and loved as you were when you were a new mother. The past can be very seductive. I mean, I've fallen into it too: I'm trying to relive Freddie's childhood. You can't use the past to fill what's missing in the present. It's gone. Lilith: Frasier, I've done a lot of thinking and this feels right to me. Frasier: But it's not right for me. I'm sorry. Lilith: I'm sorry too. [They get up and hug.] Frasier: You all right? Lilith: I'm fine. If I can't make anther little Frederick with you, there's always cloning. [Frasier's jaw drops.] Lilith: And you still don't know when I'm joking. Frasier: I, well, I... [He grabs his coat.] Frasier: Lilith, what are you going to do now? Lilith: Well, I'm going to go home and give Frederick a very big hug. [She opens the door.] Lilith: And maybe swab the inside of his cheek. Frasier: Oh, stop that! [They head out. Fade out.] Scene 3 - Frasier's Apartment [Fade in. Martin is in his chair, eating a snack. Niles comes in the front.] Niles: Oh, you already ate. I was gonna take you to Bogart's. Martin: Bogart's? [putting the dish down] Oh, don't worry about that, I was just eatin' it because it was here. I wasn't eatin' it to get full. Just give me two minutes. [He gets up and heads for his room. As Niles sits on the couch his cell phone rings and he answers.] Niles: Hello? Daphne: [voice over] Oh, Niles, darling. Niles: Daphne! [Cut to - Daphne and the others in her car.] Daphne: I thought I'd never reach you. We were booted from the park and are coming home. It seems someone put out a cigarette on a stuffed moose. Gertrude: I didn't know it was stuffed, I was defending myself. Niles: [v.o.] I loved those pictures you left for me. [Cut to - Niles on the couch.] Niles: More specifically, the last one. [He pulls it out of his pocket.] Daphne: [v.o.] Something a little different, eh? Niles: Indeed it is. I can't even believe you took it. [Cut to - Daphne.] Daphne: I didn't take it, your father did. [Cut to - Niles.] Niles: No, I don't think so. I'm talking about the last picture on the roll, the close-up. [Cut to - Daphne.] Daphne: Yeah. You're father was trying to get a picture of Eddy, but instead he got a picture of his own chest. [Cut to - Niles looking troubled.] Niles: This is Dad's...? [Cut to - Daphne.] Daphne: That's his nipple. [Cut to - Niles looking horrified. Martin comes in as Niles slowly rises.] Martin: Oh, I can't wait to get to Bogart's. I know just what I'm going to get: the barbecue chicken breast. They have the juiciest one in town. Or, or the lamb. They serve an enormous rack. Niles: [flustered] Great. Martin: You might want to get an overcoat of Frasier's out of there. It's supposed to be pretty nippy tonight. [Niles, troubled, grabs the coat. Frasier comes in.] Frasier: Oh, hi Dad. Where are you going? Martin: Oh, Niles is here. We're just going out for a bite. You want to join us? Frasier: Sure. Martin: So, how's Lilith? Frasier: I just dropped her off at the airport. She's disappointed, but she knows that we're doing the right thing. Martin: Well, for what it's worth, I think you are too, son. Frasier: Thanks, Dad. I just hope she finds what's missing in her life. [Dissolve to - Lilith on the airplane, looking out the window. Someone approaches.] Albert: Hey, pasty. [She looks up and sees the man who was sitting next to her when she flew in to Seattle.] Lilith: Oh, hello. Albert: May I? Lilith: Yes, certainly. [He sits down.] Lilith: What happened? I thought you were relocating to Seattle. Albert: Oh, it wasn't a fit. I'm going back to Boston. I don't know, call me neurotic, I just can't work in a lab that's not immaculate. Lilith: You work in a lab? Albert: Mm-hmm. I'm a physicist. Lilith: Really? [She looks at him speculatively.] Lilith: My name's Lilith. [They shake hands.] Albert: Ah, the demon-goddess. Are you like the independent fireball that was your predecessor? Lilith: I make her look like a vacillating cream puff. Albert: Albert. [They shake hands again.] Albert: What happened with your friend? Did you get your favor? Lilith: It's a long story. Albert: Well, it's, it's a long flight. [She smiles at him and settles in to talk. Fade out.] [SCENE_BREAK] Niles is at Frasier's apartment, glancing around furtively. He pulls the photo out of his pocket and reels from the image of what he's been fantasizing over, falling into Martin's chair, then reeling away from it. He does an antsy little dance, then tears the photo up. He walks into the kitchen and throws it away. Martin is busy at the counter and turns around, holding up two plates with white scoops of ice cream with cherries on top. He offers one to Niles who just turns and marches away. Martin shrugs reflectively and turns back with a "more for me" smile on his face.

On a plane, Lilith Sternin ( Bebe Neuwirth ) is talking to a man just as pale-looking as she. His name is Albert ( Brent Spiner ). She explains to him that she is traveling to Seattle to ask an old friend for a favor. In Seattle, Lilith approaches Frasier with a very unusual request: she wants his sperm to conceive another child. She convinces him to let her do it, reminding him of Freddy 's childhood. At the Sperm bank , Frasier and Lilith finally agree that all she wanted to do was recapture Frederick's childhood. He convinces her otherwise, and the two leave on good terms once again. As a short sub-plot, whilst Frasier has been enveloped with Lilith's request, Daphne takes her mother, Roz and Roz's young daughter to a Canadian theme park. She has left Niles with a collection of photographs, after telling him to make note of the final photograph. Niles and Frasier struggle to decipher it. A waiter at the cafe points out that it is of a nipple and Niles then believes it is Daphne's and carries it out with him wherever he goes. However, Daphne phones Niles on her return journey and reveals the nipple in the photograph actually belongs to Martin. As the episode is ending, Lilith is on a plane back to Boston . She meets Albert again, who reveals himself to be a divorced scientist. After a few minutes of conversation, it is implicit that the two have much in common, and may pursue a relationship.

fd_One_Tree_Hill_08x20

fd_One_Tree_Hill_08x20_0

BASEBALL FIELD A man remakes the field. JAMIE (Voice-over): The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Mudville nine that day. The score stood four to two, with but one inning more to play. Ian is on the field, thinking. JAMIE (Voice-over): So upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy sat, for there seemed but little chance of Casey getting to the bat. Kids, Nathan, Clay and Julian prepare for the game. NATHAN: Whoo! Okay. Everybody settle down, listen up. Coach Baker has something he wants to say. JULIAN: Uh, so I know this is our first game, but it's the last game for me. You see, Brooke and I are moving to New York, so... UMPIRE: Play ball! (Kids leave) JULIAN: I know this is gonna hurt some...Some of you. FLASKBACK, BRULIAN'S HOUSE Julian looks at video when he and Brooke are going to get their baby. JULIAN (at video): Where are we, Brooke Davis? BROOKE (at video): We're at the hospital. JULIAN (at video): What are we doing here? BROOKE (at video): We're getting our baby. (Knock on door, it's Nathan) JULIAN: Dude, what's up? NATHAN: I screwed up. JULIAN: Why? What happened? It was so obvious, and I didn't see it. NATHAN: Is this yours? JULIAN: Yeah. NATHAN: Ginger ale? JULIAN: I like ginger ale. It settles the stomach. What's going on, Nate? NATHAN: When the Wagoneer hit Lauren's S.U.V., where was it coming from, north or south? JULIAN: It was coming from the south, heading north. NATHAN: We got the wrong Kellerman. It wasn't August. It was Ian. FLASHBACK, CLINN'S HOUSE Nathan explains the story to Clay. CLAY: But he confessed. You said Professor Kellerman came to the Rivercourt and said that he did it. NATHAN: He lied. The bottle I found in the Wagoneer was Phidian's. And then tonight at the bar, Ian ordered shots of bourbon to toast Lydia. CLAY: Phidian's. NATHAN: Said it's all he drinks. CLAY: All right. So, maybe it's a family thing. It doesn't really prove anything. NATHAN: There's more. At the Rivercourt, when Kellerman confessed, he said he was coming from a dinner that night in Raleigh. CLAY: So? NATHAN: So, he was coming from the south. Raleigh's north. CLAY: All right, well, look, don't beat yourself up over it just yet. I mean, you could still be wrong. NATHAN: Maybe. But if I'm right, August Kellerman just ended a 30-year career because of me. CLAY: Yeah. And his son let him. And he's our client. BASEBALL FIELD Ian practices. Then, he leaves and August walks on the field. Nathan joins him. NATHAN: Professor Kellerman? We need to talk. ONE TREE HILL - OPEN CREDITS BRULIAN'S HOUSE Brooke makes her stuff to go in New York. She sees the panel of Karen's Cafe. CHASE'S BEDROOM Chase and Alex are in bed. They slept together. ALEX: So much for baby steps. CHASE: You played guitar. Wasn't fair. Oh-ho-ho! I'm gonna go ahead and need you to play guitar again right now. Quickly. ALEX: Man. BASEBALL FIELD Kids play. Quinn supports Jamie's team. Julian talks with Clay. UMPIRE: Strike one! QUINN: Yeah! Let's go, Sharks! CLAY: There we go! Nice one! Go, Sharks! QUINN: Let's go, Sharks! JULIAN: Uh... What happened to Quinn? CLAY: Uh, she's just busy. She'll be here. Attaboy! Two more just like that! Way to go, Sharks! QUINN: Yeah, way to go, Sharks! FLASHBACK, CLINN'S HOUSE Quinn announces a good new to Clay. QUINN: Baby! Guess where I'm going? CLAY: Please don't say South Africa. QUINN: I got an offer to shoot a job in Puerto Rico. We're saying at the El Conquistador. It's next week. Do you want to go? CLAY: I would, but I have training camp. QUINN: Oh. That's too bad. I guess I'll have to do the whole supermodel bikini shoot without you. CLAY: Puerto Rico sounds awesome. I mean, pfft. Supermodels in bikinis? Have you seen my baby? QUINN: Nice try. CLAY: Yeah. But I do have camp. Uh, maybe you can invite the girls? Haley can't go, but Brooke and Alex. QUINN: Maybe I will. By the way, I leave the day after Jamie's game, so you might want to come straight home because it's my last night, and my man is looking very sexy. CLAY: Careful, I'm sweaty. QUINN: Yes, you will be. BASEBALL FIELD Clay finds his mind. Jamie's team defends. CLAY: All right, here we go, Sharks! Three up, three down! Let's go, let's go! Moving right along! JULIAN: Attaboy, Jamie! CLAY: Yes! Very nice! Now hustle in! Real quick! Real quick! Nathan announces who plays for their game. NATHAN: All right, first up we have Chuck, which seems like a bad idea. Then it's Madison, Jamie, and Daniel. All right, let's get some hits. CLAY: All right! Let's go, Sharks! NATHAN: Chuck! Come on, buddy. You're up. CHUCK: Whatever. AERODROME Chase waits someone. FLASHBACK, CLUB TRIC Chuck is with Chase. He wants him to ask something. CHUCK: Ahh. Oh, I meant to tell you we have a game on Friday. Think you could come? CHASE: What time is the game? CHUCK: 4:00. It's okay if you can't. I just thought it might be cool if you could. CHASE: Hmm. I've got some stuff going on, but I'll be there. 4:00. Wouldn't miss it. AERODROME Chase waits yet. NALEY'S HOUSE Brooke visits Haley with a surprise. BROOKE: Hello! I have come to offer you a trade. Last remnants of Karen's café for Lydia straight up. HALEY: Oh, I don't know. That's tempting. BROOKE: I'll throw in my car. And my sunglasses. Car has new tires, but that's it. HALEY: Hmm. What do you say? Say "no deal." BROOKE: Say yes! HALEY: "No deal! I like it here!" Sorry. BROOKE: Fine. You can have the sign anyway. I know Karen's meant a lot to you, too. HALEY: Oh, thank you so much. I always wanted that. BROOKE: Yeah. Hi! HALEY: I'm getting so sad today. BROOKE: Why? HALEY: I was thinking about the Rivercourt, and now this sign. I just feel like it's the end of something really good, you know? Makes me sad. BROOKE: Well, on the upside, Lydia and I talked, and she told me that she wants to spend every weekend in New York, shopping and seeing plays...And hanging out with her Aunt Brooke. HALEY: Ohh. BROOKE: Huh? Yes. HALEY: I am gonna miss you, Brooke Davis, like you can't imagine. BROOKE: Of course I can. I'm gonna miss you the same. I love you. HALEY: You too. BROOKE: What if I throw in Julian's truck? HALEY: Not gonna happen. BROOKE: Ahh, it's a good deal. Tell your mommy she didn't even have you a week ago. HALEY: Oh, no! BROOKE: She didn't even have you a week ago! Ohh! I know! FLASHBACK, BASEBALL FIELD Nathan talks with August. NATHAN: It wasn't you. It was Ian. AUGUST: It doesn't matter. I resigned. NATHAN: To cover for your son. Why? AUGUST: Because he's my son. NATHAN: But your career. 30 years, Professor Kellerman. AUGUST: Well, Mr. Kellerman now. And you asked why I did it, not whether or not he was worth it. I haven't had a drink since my wife died. We're fathers, Nathan. This is what we do for our sons. It just is. BASEBALL FIELD It's to Madison to hit the ball. UMPIRE: Strike three! NATHAN: All right, buddy, here we go! It's to Jamie to hit the ball. JAMIE(Voice-over): It knocked upon the mountain and recoiled upon the flat, for Casey, mighty Casey, was advancing to the bat. There was ease in Casey's manner as he stepped into his place. There was pride in Casey's bearing and a smile on Casey's face. UMPIRE: Strike one! NATHAN: That's all right, Jamie. You can do it! Make sure it's your pitch, buddy. QUINN: Let's go, bud! This one's yours! UMPIRE: Strike two! QUINN: That's all right! Good cut, buddy! NATHAN: It's okay, Jamie. Keep your eye on the ball, buddy. UMPIRE: Strike three! Jamie joins others. CHUCK: Wow, Jamie. You bat like my mom. JAMIE: Really? How about we ask her? Oh, wait she's not here, is she? FLASHBACK, CLUB TRIC Alex joins Chase and Chuck. CHASE: There she is Alex Dupré. I want you to meet someone. ALEX: Oh. You must be Chuck. I've heard a lot about you. CHUCK: And you're Alex. I saw pictures of you on the Internet. Naughty, naughty. CHASE: Hey! CHUCK: So are you guys, like, doing stuff? ALEX: What kind of stuff? You mean like going to the movies, talking on the phone, and holding hands? 'Cause we totally do that kind of stuff. CHUCK: Gross. Or maybe awesome. I don't know. I got to go to the bathroom. CHASE: I told you about that root beer. Don't make me tell Alex about the camping trip. CHUCK: Shut up! Stinking drag-leg Laura! (Chuck leaves) ALEX: What? CHASE: Sorry. ALEX: No, it's okay. He's cute. Kind of. So, what's up? CHASE: I need a favor. You ever taken a drug test? ALEX: Why, are you taking one? CHASE: Have you? ALEX: Dude, if they drug-tested me, I would never work again. I'm kidding. I know everything there is to know about drug tests. Ask me anything. CHASE: All right. How long does it take for a couple hits off a joint to clear your system? ALEX: When did you get high? CHASE: Um, I didn't, really. Not on purpose. You remember the Kid Cudi show? FLASHBACK, CLUB TRIC Chase enters in the Kid Cudi's room. CHASE: More beers for you guys. Have a good show. MAN: No one leaves without hitting this. CHASE: Is he serious? MAN: Yeah. FLASHBACK, CLUB TRIC Alex is laughing. ALEX: That's amazing. CHASE: How long? ALEX: I don't know. I mean, it's different for everyone. Can you risk it? CHASE: No. I need a favor. ALEX: Huh? FLASHBACK, CLINN'S HOUSE Quinn is in bikini. CLAY: Quinn? Hey, Quinn! Holy cow. QUINN: Don't say cow. CLAY: I want to go to Puerto Rico. I mean it. Forget about training camp. Puerto Rico is absolutely the only place I can possibly be this weekend. QUINN: You're sweet, and I love you. Maybe on our date after Jamie's game, I can wear this in the hot tub. Or...Not wear it. Hurry home. Hurry home. BASEBALL FIELD Clay finds his mind. CLAY: No extra innings! Three up, three down. Three up, three down. Four up, three down. Stay in front of those, Madison! FLASHBACK, NALEY'S HOUSE Nathan talks to Haley about August. NATHAN: I saw him as Dan. I thought Ian Kellerman was like me and his father was like Dan. I guess I'm still not past it. HALEY: Your father. NATHAN: Yeah. I'll never be able to understand or accept what he did, so I guess I just...avoid it. Because if I don't avoid it, what's left is so dark. It's like... It's like Lydia growing up and someday standing a few feet from Jamie and taking his life. And that's impossible and horrible... HALEY: Mm. NATHAN: And that's exactly what my father did. And then I feel guilty... For keeping Jamie from seeing his grandfather and for making it to the NBA and knowing that I never could have done it without my father. And for letting him live alone and die alone because that's what I have to do. HALEY: Maybe you should just go to that diner and tell Dan everything that you're thinking and feeling all of it. NATHAN: You think he deserves that? HALEY: No. But I think you deserve it. FLASHBACK, CLINN'S HOUSE Quinn practices sport. Clay sees her. CLAY: Hey, didn't you already work out today? QUINN: Yep. I'm doing two-a-days. CLAY: Oh. You're worried about being around all those models. QUINN: Mm, actually, that's not it. I'm worried about security at the airport. CLAY: What? QUINN: You know those TSA machines show you naked? I got to look good for that. AERODROME Chase still wait. FLASHBACK, CLUB TRIC Chase's cellphone rings. CHASE(at phone): Hello? WOMAN(at phone): Hi, Mr. Adams. I'm calling from the clinic. We need you to come back in and retest as soon as you can. CHASE(at phone): Why? Is there, uh, a problem? WOMAN(at phone): Yes. Actually, it looks like the lab had a mix-up with your urine sample. CHASE(at phone): Okay. Are you sure? WOMAN(at phone): Well, unless you're pregnant, we're pretty sure. AERODROME Alex joins Chase. ALEX: Hey. What's wrong? You okay? CHASE: We need to talk. BASEBALL FIELD It's to Madison to hit the ball. UMPIRE: Ball four. Take your base. QUINN: Yay, Madison! Let's go, Sharks! NATHAN: Dude, what happened to Quinn? CLAY: Uh, she had a few last-minute things to take car of. I think she wanted to get a spray tan. She'll be here. Nice one, Madison! QUINN: Way to go! FLASHBACK, BEAUTY ROOM QUINN: I'd like the panther, please. WOMAN: Actually, the panther is our darkest shade. I really wouldn't recommend that for you. QUINN: Oh, that's okay. I'll be fine. Just one panther, please. WOMAN: Okay. BASEBALL FIELD CLAY: She'll be here. But you know who won't be here? Ian. FLASHBACK, CLINN'S HOUSE Nathan and Clay must to find a solution to punish Ian. CLAY: We got to talk to Ian. NATHAN: I know. I'll do it. CLAY: It'd probably be better if I talk to him. NATHAN: Why? CLAY: 'Cause you're bad cop and I'm good cop. NATHAN: Why am I bad cop? CLAY: Real it, okay. Might be the, uh, the bar fights, the shouting matches in public, the murderous father. NATHAN: Weak. Maybe Julian should talk to him. CLAY: Why not me? NATHAN: Because you're not good cop. You're more like officer friendly. Julian nearly lost Brooke. He should talk to him, if he wants to. FLASHBACK, CLAY'S CAR Julian, Nathan and Clay are with Ian. IAN: Where we going, anyway? CLAY: Just taking a little drive. JAMIE(Voice-over): They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain. BASEBALL FIELD It's to Jamie to hit the ball. JAMIE(Voice-over): And they knew that Casey wouldn't let that ball go by again. UMPIRE: Strike three. You're out. Nathan, Clay and Julian give the last rules. NATHAN: All right, this is it. We need one run to tie, two to win. I say we win it right here. No extra innings. CLAY: No extra innings. Definitely no extra innings. JULIAN: Now, you all know I'm moving to New York and this is gonna be my only game. UMPIRE: I need a batter, coach! JULIAN: So I just wanted to express... NATHAN: All right, that's it. Top of the order. Chuck, Madison, Jamie. Let's go. CLAY: All right, Sharks, we got this. Come on! Whoo! Come on, Chuck. Look alive, buddy! Chase and Alex are coming. Chuck joins them. CHASE: There he is, Chuck Skolnick! ALEX: These are for good luck. Yeah, nice. Nice. You got this, buddy. CHASE: Let's go, Skolnick! Free root beer for a hit! ALEX: Yeah! Whoo! Come on, Chuck! CHASE: Let's go, Skolnick! Whoo! Come on, Chuck! Let's go, Skolnick! Chuck touches the ball. CHASE: Whoo! CHUCK: Yes! Clay: Nice, Chuck! All right! Ha ha! We're having fun now! But we're having it fast. Madison, you're up. Come on, Madison. Boop, boop. Fast fun, fast fun. Let's go, Sharks! Quinn joins Clay. QUINN: Hi, handsome. CLAY: Ohh! QUINN: I'm so tan, right? Do you love it? Mm-hmm. Don't forget about our date later. CLAY: Mnh-mnh. Madison. Madison, take your time, okay? You wait for your right pitch, and you tie this thing up for us. I'm talking extra innings. Free baseball, Sharks! We like that. Meanwhile, Ian passes test in front of scouts. FLASHBACK, GABEL BRIDGE Guys go to the place of this accident. NATHAN: So, how's your dad doing, Ian? I mean, now that he's resigned. IAN: I don't know. However, I guess. He mostly spends time on that stupid boat. JULIAN: You know what's good about boats? They float. Cars, not so much. IAN: Where are we going, again? CLAY: Right here. We're going right here. NALEY'S HOUSE Haley sees the panel and finds an idea. FLASHBACK, GABEL BRIDGE JULIAN: I'll never forget this place. I was standing right about here when I saw Brooke. And she looked so relieved, like maybe... For a moment, everything was gonna be okay. I was proud of her, you know? For staying to help Jamie. I mean, he's just a kid. Just a scared kid who wanted to believe that everything would be okay, and that adults would make it okay and be heroic and strong and everything they're supposed to be for a boy like that. And then the Wagoneer came from right there. They're lucky to be alive! IAN: Yeah, man, I'm so sorry. You know, my dad, he... NATHAN: He hasn't had a drink since your mom died. IAN: That's not true. NATHAN: He was also coming from Raleigh that night. And he wouldn't have been coming from that direction. IAN: So maybe he got turned around in the storm. I don't know. NATHAN: Maybe it was you, Ian. It was, wasn't it? IAN: Come on, guys. He told you he did it. He resigned. JULIAN: And you let him! You got drunk, nearly killed my wife and Nathan's son, and then just drove away and let your father take the blame! Look at me! You probably didn't even say "thank you." IAN: You know what? You guys are my agents. You're should be thrilled that we dodged a bullet, that everyone's okay, everything's been dealt with. NATHAN: Thrilled... That you drove drunk, left our families to die, and your family to pay for it? What the hell is wrong with you? IAN: Guys, I got scouts coming to see me. I am this close to being someone. I couldn't stay here. I couldn't. I didn't have a choice. JULIAN: Oh, you had a choice. IAN: Whatever. This is ridiculous. (Clay pushes Ian in water) NATHAN: Clay! Clay! IAN: Are you out of your mind?! CLAY: You had no choice?! You chose to be a coward! IAN: You know what? You guys are fired! I might even sue you for this! Get off me! JULIAN: Come here! IAN: Get off! JULIAN: You like that?! How does that feel?! IAN: Stop! Stop! JULIAN: Don't you wish there was somebody here to help you now?! IAN: Go on! JULIAN: Go throw your ball and be whoever it is you think you're gonna be! NATHAN: My son said to give that to you. IAN: I couldn't stay! I just couldn't! JULIAN: Well, now maybe you can stay and think about it. Enjoy the walk. BASEBALL FIELD It's to Madison to hit the ball. JULIAN: All right, Madison, come on! No outs! CHUCK: We only need one, Madison! Don't mess it up! QUINN: Yeah! Go, go, go, go, Madison! NATHAN: You're safe here. Stop, stop. Alex and Chase join Quinn. QUINN: All right! Come on, Jamie, you can do this! ALEX: Quinn? Is that a spray tan? QUINN: Yeah. It's the panther. CLAY: Nice and slow. Take your time. FLASHFORWARD, JACUZZI Quinn and Clay are dating. QUINN: Hey. Let date night begin. Here I come. CLAY: Babe? QUINN: Now, then... Oh, no! CLAY: I think if we dunked you, we could make tea. QUINN: Oh, my God! No! No, no, no! CLAY: Well, maybe some of it'll stick to me. I could use the color. Can I interest you in a hot shower? QUINN: Yes. BASEBALL FIELD It's to Jamie to hit the ball. NATHAN: All right. Come on, Jamie, you got this. Let's get a hit. FLASHBACK, AUGUST'S BOAT Nathan and August talk together. NATHAN: Thanks. So...I owe you an apology. I was so sure you were like my dad, I couldn't see you any other way. AUGUST: Well... Then that makes us even. I was so sure you were like my son that I couldn't see you as the "A" student you turned out to be. NATHAN: "A" student? Really? AUGUST: "A" minus. I understand you're no longer representing my son. NATHAN: That's right. AUGUST: Admit it - when I asked you not to, you thought it was because I felt you weren't good enough for him. But maybe I thought he wasn't good enough for you and that agency you have with your partner, the Muppet. NATHAN: Clay Evans. Fortitude. AUGUST: Integrity as a mission statement. Not bad. I promised my wife, Catherine, I'd do this someday sail off to nowhere. No lectures, no papers, no clocks. Actually, I promised her we'd do it together. Time gets away from you. NATHAN: You know, I don't speak with my father. Sometimes I feel guilty about that, but I know in my heart that's the way it has to be. So, one of these nights, when you find your corner of heaven or your sliver of peace and you're feeling guilty about the distance between you and your son... I don't know. Maybe it just...helps to know that you're not the only one going through something like that. AUGUST: Well, there's no time like now to start the rest of your life. NATHAN: Thanks for the beer, profes... um, Mr. Kellerman. AUGUST: Call me August. NATHAN: Where's Dogust, by the way? AUGUST: He's here. Dogust! Hey! Look who's here to see you! Yes. Look at this. Every Captain needs a first mate. NATHAN: There he is. Hey, pal. Good to see you again. All right. AUGUST: Take care. All the best. Come on. Let's go sailing. Come on, Dogust. Come on, my boy. Mr. Scott. They still developing those condos at that basketball court of yours? NATHAN: The Rivercourt. Yeah. AUGUST: Two words, Snipey Plover. It's a bird. Okay, Catherine, here we go. You too, Dogust. You too. Yeah. BASEBALL FIELD Ian practices. Meanwhile, It's to Jamie to hit the ball. UMPIRE: Strike one. NATHAN: Time! Time! How you doing? JAMIE: Okay, I guess. NATHAN: Yeah? Feeling nervous? Yeah, I always felt nervous at the free-throw line. But listen, there's something I forgot to tell you about today that I should have. It's just a game, okay? Grandpa Dan always used to make me feel like it was life or death, but it's not. Now, you got a couple good strikes coming, so just give it your best shot. You're a good hitter. You can do this. No matter what, we're both getting ice cream, so either way we're good. All right? UMPIRE: Okay, coach, let's go. NATHAN: All right. Go get 'em, Jamie Scott. JAMIE: Okay. FLASHBACK, CAFETARIA Nathan wants to see his father but he backs off. FLASHBACK, NALEY'S HOUSE Nathan explains to Haley what it's happened. NATHAN: I couldn't do it. I drove to see Dan, but I couldn't go in. HALEY: Maybe one day. BASEBALL FIELD Jamie tries to hit the ball, he thinks. JAMIE(Voice-over): The sneer is gone from Casey's lip, his teeth are clenched in hate. He pounds with cruel violence... His bat upon the plate. He signalled to the pitcher, and once more the spheroid flew. But Casey still ignored it, and the umpire said... UMPIRE: Strike two! JULIAN: Come on, Jamie, come on. MADISON: Come on, Jamie! You can do it! I know you can. FLASHBACK, AERODROME Chase announces to Alex what he knowns. CHASE: All my life, I've wanted to fly. And lately, I've been feeling... A sense of obligation. ALEX: That's why you've been spending time with Chuck, right? CHASE: That's right. But...It's more than that. I needed to take that drug test to join the Air Force. ALEX: What? Oh, my gosh. And did you join the Air Force? CHASE: Not yet. There's still a chance I could, but... I'd rather stay here with you because...You're pregnant, Alex. We're pregnant. Hey, it's okay. It's gonna be okay. I'm gonna be right here. ALEX: No, no, no, no, it's not... But you would stay with me? CHASE: Of course. What do you mean it's...it's not okay? ALEX: Now I have something to tell you. FLASHFORWARD, BASEBALL FIELD Brooke joins Julian on the field. BROOKE: Hey, handsome. JULIAN: Hi. BROOKE: I turned down the job. JULIAN: In New York? Why? BROOKE: When I was living there and running Clothes Over Bros, my office looked out on this building nearby, and on the rooftop was a playground where all the grade-school kids would have recess. And some days when things were crazy which was most days I'd look out, and I'd watch those kids run around, and I'd think, "that's no way to play." I mean, I love New York, but living in constant fear of losing the kickball over the roof of your playground is kind of a rough way to grow up. JULIAN: So you turned down the job because the schools have playgrounds on the roof? BROOKE: I turned down the job because I don't want our child to have a playground on the roof. Unless it's the roof of my store here in Tree Hill. JULIAN: Tree Hill... Okay, you're losing me. BROOKE: Chase had to take a drug test, but a guy in Kid Cudi's posse made him take a hit of a joint, so he asked Alex to pee in a cup for him because she's sober. Except Alex isn't really sober because she accidentally ate some of Quinn's pot brownies, so Alex came over to ask you, because her and Chase are getting closer, and she wanted to be the one to help him, but you weren't home, so Alex asked me. And the lab called Chase and said that he's pregnant. JULIAN: What? BROOKE: So Chase told Alex, and Alex told me, and I took a pregnancy test. We're pregnant. JULIAN: Baby! I knew you could do it. JAMIE(Voice-over): Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright. BASEBALL FIELD Jamie is ready to hit the ball. JAMIE(Voice-over): The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light. NATHAN: All right, come on, Jamie! You can do it, son! JAMIE(Voice-over): And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout. That somewhere is right here. Because Casey might have struck out, but Casey's last name wasn't "Scott". PEOPLE: Jamie! Jamie! End of the episode.

Nathan, Julian and Clay confront Ian Kellerman about the accident. Chase asks Alex to take a drug test for him, Quinn gets an offer to shoot in Puerto Rico and Brooke finds out she is pregnant. Nathan discusses with Haley about visiting Dan. This episode is named after a song by XTC . Opening theme song performed by Against Me!

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BLACK SCREEN: Previously On GIBBS: (V.O.) Previously on NCIS. MUSIC IN: EXT. ROOFTOP - DAY (BEGIN FLASHBACK SCENES) ARI: Sorry, Caitlin. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: Ari! (SCENE CUT) TONY: I found Ari's sniper's nest, Boss. Didn't police his brass. (SCENE CUT) KATE: I'm dead now, Ducky. Shouldn't be. I could have killed Ari right here. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: Are you okay? ABBY: Yeah. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: His sniping Abby means he's after my people. (SCENE CUT) MORROW: I've been offered a Deputy Director's position with Homeland Security. GIBBS: Well who will be replacing you, Sir? SHEPARD: Hello, Jethro. (SCENE CUT) SHEPARD: On the job it is Director Shepard or Ma'am. (SCENE CUT) ZIVA: I'm here to see Special Agent Gibbs. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: You first. TONY: Ziva David. Mossad. She's here to stop you from whacking Ari. GIBBS: Director Jenny Sheppard, same mission. (SCENE CUT) ZIVA: Ari Haswari is a Mossad operative undercover in Hamas. He hasn't turned on us or you. (SCENE CUT) ARI: (IN HEBREW) Do you have the passport and money? (SCENE CUT) ZIVA: (IN HEBREW) Yes. (SCENE CUT) ARI: (IN HEBREW) Use the drop. (SCENE CUT) ARI: (INTO PHONE) Doctor Mallard, I want to prove I didn't kill Caitlin. (SCENE CUT) DUCKY: (INTO PHONE) By taking Gerald hostage? ARI: (V.O./FILTERED) Gerald is free to go. (SCENE CUT) ARI: (INTO PHONE) Come alone, and you can exchange places. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/DUCKY WALKS IN THE STREET) (MUSIC OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - FLASHBACK GERALD: You shouldn't have come, Doctor. DUCKY: Couldn't let the b*st*rd put a bullet in your good shoulder or you'd never return to work. Do you have your cell phone? GERALD: Ari took it. DUCKY: Keep walking. Don't turn back until you're behind the wheel. Where is Ari? GERALD: In the back seat. DUCKY: Well, when I reach your car, I'll lean in through the open window. That's your cue to drive off, fast! GERALD: Doctor Mallard... DUCKY: Go straight to NCIS. Tell Gibbs everything that's happened. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT DUCKY: (RECORDED VOICE) You've reached Doctor Donald Mallard. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. (SFX: BEEP TONE) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) I said no one was to leave the building! ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Ducky, please call, okay? We're really worried-- GIBBS: (LOUDLY INTO PHONE) No one includes you, Doctor Mallard! ABBY: (INTO PHONE) We're worried including Gibbs.... or he wouldn't be yelling. (TO GIBBS) Look Gibbs, it's not Ducky's fault, okay? He probably did Kate's autopsy on auto pilot and then just drove himself home the same way. MCGEE: Boss! An outside call came into autopsy twenty three minutes ago. I'm tracing the number! [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GERALD RUSHES TO THE MORGAN/ DUCKY WALKS TO ARI'S CAR) (GERALD CLIMBS IN AND OUT OF THE CAR) ARI: You look surprised. DUCKY: I expected to be shot. ARI: Doctor, please. I would never harm a fellow physician. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GERALD ATTEMPTS TO DRIVE THE MORGAN) DUCKY: (SHOUTS) Use the clutch! Good God, man!! Use the clutch! You're stripping the gears!(SFX: GEARS GRINDING B.G.) ARI: This is too painful, Doctor. DUCKY: (SHOUTS) Gerald, turn it off! ARI: Obviously Gerald does not have an intimate relationship with a standard transmission. DUCKY: Unbelievable. ARI: The price of growing up in America. That was so unnecessary, Doctor. Gerald is free to leave... in his own car. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT MCGEE: Boss, that call came from Gerald Jackson's cell phone! ABBY: I'd almost forgot about Gerald. MCGEE: He's been in rehab a year. ABBY: Maybe he heard about Kate and he called Ducky. MCGEE: They're in a pub somewhere consoling each other. ABBY: Yes! GIBBS: I don't like it. ABBY: Why? MCGEE: (OVERLAP) Why? GIBBS: I don't need a reason why! [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - NIGHT ARI: Did you buy it in such pristine condition? DUCKY: God, no. The frame had severe termite damage. ARI: That's right. The Morgan has a wood frame. DUCKY: Mm-hmm. The top was in rags. The body dented. The rocker panels rusted out. It was a disgrace. ARI: Who did the restoration? DUCKY: I did. ARI: Of course you did. DUCKY: Do you doubt me? ARI: Not at all, Doctor. I was thinking of the irony. That hands so skilled at dissecting the dead are also capable of restoring life... at least to a machine. DUCKY: What do you want, Ari? ARI: A test drive. (PHONE RINGS) ARI: Now who at NCIS could be calling Gerald at this hour? Hmm? Oh well... Gerald is sure to arrive there shortly. Doctor? Oh, your cell phone. Now buckle up, Doctor. It's a dangerous night. (SFX: CAR ENGINE STARTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT MCGEE: I'm getting voice mail. ABBY: They probably can't hear their phones because they're in a pub. MCGEE: Do you want to leave a message? GIBBS: No. Get a GPS fix.(BEAT) Snap it up, McGee! MCGEE: One second, Boss. Got it. GIBBS: Georgetown. Olive and Twenty-ninth. I know that street. That's mostly residential. Locate Ducky's cell. ABBY: See. They're together. GIBBS: There's no pub there. ABBY: Well maybe Gerald lives there. MCGEE: That's negative. He lives on Peabody. ABBY: So they're parked. They're talking. MCGEE: Want me to go with you, Boss? GIBBS: No. Tony's out. Stay here with Abby. ABBY: For nobody leaving the building, there are a lot of people leaving the building. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SWIMMING POOL - NIGHT (MUSIC PLAYS B.G.) KATE: Why don't you visualize her naked? Does she intimidate you? TONY: A woman hasn't been born yet who can intimidate Anthony DiNozzo. KATE: You're forgetting your mother. TONY: Mothers don't count. KATE: And that lawyer. Marla? TONY: Divorce attorney. Worse than mothers. KATE: Well, Ziva's not your mother. She's not a divorce lawyer. She definitely intimidates you. TONY: Does not. KATE: Does too. TONY: Does not. KATE: Does too. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. GEORGETOWN STREET - NIGHT (SFX: RAIN FALLING B.G.) GIBBS: Okay, where are they now?(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) Same place, Boss. (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Olive and Twenty ninth. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Get a fix on my cell. (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Okay. (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) You're right on top of them! GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Damn it, McGee! They are not here! MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) They have to be, Boss. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Gibbs. Is there a pub? GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) No! (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) There is no pub! No people - there are no cars! (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Okay, I was just checking. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) How accurate is this fix, McGee? MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) Within twenty five meters. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ KATE: It's going to happen again, isn't it? Ducky's going to take a bullet for you. GIBBS: He won't kill Ducky. KATE: Why not? Because you couldn't live with the guilt? Maybe Ari knows that. Maybe that's his plan. Maybe the only way to save Ducky, Abby, and McGee is to kill yourself. (MUSIC OUT) MUSIC IN: EXT. PARK - NIGHT (SFX: TELEPHONE BEEP TONES/ CELL PHONE RING TONE) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT (PHONE RINGS) MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Special Agent McGee.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) I found Ducky and Gerald's cell phone in the park. (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Why would they leave their cell phones in the park? GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) They wouldn't McGee! (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Do you want me to come down there? GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) If I wanted you to.... (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) ... come down here, I would have told you so. Put a BOLO out on Ducky's Morgan. Get his license plate from his file. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Gibbs, Ari has Gerald and Ducky. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) They're not dead, Abs. (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) How do you know? (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Because Ari dumped their cell phones in the park, not their bodies. (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Ah... Boss? Gerald's here. GERALD: Ari's got.... (SCENE CUT) GERALD: (V.O./FILTERED) ...Doctor Mallard. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) How'd you get away?! GERALD: (V.O./FILTERED) I didn't. (SCENE CUT) GERALD: (INTO PHONE) Ari let me go. (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SWIMMING POOL HOUSE - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/TONY SEARCHES THE POCKET) DANA: Excuse me. May I? TONY: You certainly may. (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT GERALD: I've never driven a stick. ABBY: Are you serious? MCGEE: What? You can drive a stick? ABBY: Yeah, since I was like ten. GERALD: What were you driving when you were ten? ABBY: A red forty-seven Ford half-ton pickup with four on the floor and Bubba riding shotgun. MCGEE: Bubba? ABBY: Ah, best damn coon dog in Jefferson Parish. (SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN) (BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) I don't believe in coincidences, Tony. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) I know, Boss. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (V.O./FILTERED/MUFFLED) You've beat that into me. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Haven't I beat that into you? (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) That's what I said. GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) What did you say? TONY: (INTO PHONE) I said the reception sucks! (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Stay with them. I'm on my way. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) What if they split up? (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) What about your gut? (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) It wants a pizza. (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT GIBBS: Oh, god. What do we have? MCGEE: Ari picked up Gerald to force Ducky into a meet. GIBBS: You warn him? GERALD: I did. But you know Doctor Mallard. He came anyway. GIBBS: It's not your fault, Gerald. Ari's the b*st*rd. Ducky made the decision to go, not you. Debrief him. Write it up. I'll be with Tony at the Embassy Hotel. ABBY: Um, Tony's at the Embasero. GIBBS: Why did he say the Embassy? ABBY: Cell phone garble. GIBBS: All right, from now on everyone is using phonetics, like we did in the Corps. ABBY: Um... golf-India-bravo-bravo-sierra. Can I please go back to my lab? I'm flipping out here with nothing to do. GIBBS: Okay, but don't leave... ABBY: Don't leave the building. I know. Bravo. Yankee. Echo. (SFX: ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE CLOSED) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. POOL HOUSE - NIGHT DANA: Mind if I join you? ZIVA: One more lap and you'll have it all to yourself. DANA: How's the water? ZIVA: Lovely. Have a nice swim. DANA: Thank you.(MUSIC OVER ACTION/TONY TAKES PICTURES) (ZIVA WALKS FROM THE POOL HOUSE/TONY WATCHES DANA) TONY: (SOFTLY) They're switching robes.(TONY RUSHES TO THE ROBE AND SEARCHES THE POCKET) DANA: Hey! What are you doing? TONY: Going for a swim. DANA: There's a locker room. TONY: I'm fine. DANA: Where's your swimsuit? TONY: Don't have one. DANA: I should call security. TONY: You didn't see the sign. DANA: What sign? TONY: I must have been blocking it. Uh... remember I was waiting outside and you wanted to come in? DANA: Oh, I remember. TONY: The Hackensack Nudist Society. From ten twenty seven until eleven fifty one the pool is ours. And it's our third annual convention. Here's Agnes and Agnew right now. He's our President and Agnes is our social secretary. Hey guys. You look funny with clothes on. DANA: Inventive. Funny even. But I'm married. TONY: So am I!(DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - NIGHT TONY: (INTO PHONE) Boss, can you hear me? GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Across the street. TONY: (INTO PHONE) Boss? GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Yeah! TONY: (INTO PHONE) Gotcha. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAR - NIGHT TONY: Ziva slipped a phony French passport and some cash (SNIFFS) to the woman with the Star of David (SNIFFS) I told you about. I love you, Boss. GIBBS: How do you know the passport's a phony? TONY: Ari's photo, but not his name? GIBBS: What name's he using? TONY: Aren't you curious to know how I got it? GIBBS: I assume you improvised like a good agent should. TONY: But what an improv! I swear to God I could get a gig on SNL. Okay, dig this. I pretend like I'm this real goofy guy trying to get-- GIBBS: You pretended? TONY: That hurt, boss. GIBBS: What's the name? TONY: Well.... GIBBS: The name? TONY: René Saurel. (SPELLS) S.A.U.R.E.L. GIBBS: Description? TONY: All I saw was the name and the photo. GIBBS: The woman? TONY: About five foot nine, dark hair, blue and white jogging outfit. Big gym bag. Real pretty girl. Looked enough like Ziva to be her sister. Real pretty. GIBBS: Maybe she is. Mossad's like the Mafia. One big happy family. (INTO PHONE) Hey, McGee. I've got a passport alert. Ari is traveling with a French passport under an alias, René Saurel. Sierra. Alpha. Uniform. Romeo. Echo. Lima. MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) Okay, what alert category? GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Terrorism! MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) On it. TONY: That ought to get Custom's attention. GIBBS: Well, let's make sure he doesn't get that far. TONY: Boss, that's her. GIBBS: Stay with Ziva. TONY: What if this girl's meeting Ari? I mean, you're going to need backup. Let me rephrase that. GIBBS: Out! TONY: (V.O.) Thanks for the pizza, boss! GIBBS: Thank the night shift. I swiped it from them. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS FOLLOWS THE TAXI CAB) (GIBBS BRAKES TO A STOP) (SFX: CAR TIRES SCREECH) GIBBS: (SHOUTS) Ari! Get out, Ari! DUCKY: Good grief, Jethro. Put that weapon down. I've had enough excitement for tonight. Ari abducts me. Gerald strips my gears. And now you play chicken on a wet street. GIBBS: Where's Ari? DUCKY: Well gone I imagine. We were parked about ... well, a ways back. He received a cell phone call and then told me to drive down the street for ten minutes. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) McGee! Congress Cab number seventeen picked up a female fare at the Embasero Hotel ten minutes ago. If he's en route, I need his twenty. If he's dropped his fare, then get me an address. And take the BOLO off Ducky's Morgan. He's safe. DUCKY: Our paths didn't cross by accident. GIBBS: Ari's cell call came from that woman in that cab I was tailing. DUCKY: He sent me down this street so that you would run into me. GIBBS: Yeah! A cab keeps going. Picks him up. They're gone! DUCKY: Ari abducts me to get you off her tail. GIBBS: Maybe. What'd you talk about? DUCKY: Well, my Morgan for a while. He was surprisingly knowledgeable. Then Edinburgh Medical School. Yeah, we were both alumni. A few decades apart... GIBBS: Anything important, Ducky? DUCKY: He swore he didn't kill Caitlin. Made a very logical and passionate defense. GIBBS: You believe him? DUCKY: He was very persuasive. Said he knows you'll never believe him. GIBBS: He's right about that. DUCKY: (OVERLAP) And that it's a shame that one of you has to die. He's arrogantly confident that it won't be him. But said on the off chance that it is, to keep looking for Caitlin's killer. GIBBS: He's a slick b*st*rd, Duck. But he's right. One of us is going to die. DUCKY: Jethro! Jethro! (SFX: CAR TIRES SCREECH) (GIBBS DRIVES O.S.) (FADE OUT) MUSIC IN: EXT. HOTEL - RAINING ZIVA: Espresso? Take it. It's not a bribe. TONY: How long have you known I was... ZIVA: Following me? Since I left the Navy Yard. TONY: I don't think so. ZIVA: Blue sedan. You laid behind a white station wagon for a while, then a telephone van. You lost me at the traffic circle on... TONY: Okay. You knew. ZIVA: Take it. It's chilly out here. You shouldn't feel bad. I was trained by the best. TONY: You know, that's what I like about Mossad. ZIVA: Our training? TONY: Modesty. ZIVA: Um... there's a slice in there. (BEAT) Toda. TONY: Prego. ZIVA: I lost my little sister, Tali, in a Hamas suicide bombing. She was sixteen and the best of us. Tali had compassion. TONY: I'm sorry. ZIVA: After Tali's death I was like Gibbs. All I wanted was revenge. TONY: Is that why you joined Mossad? ZIVA: I was Mossad long before Tali's death. Old... TONY: Family tradition? ZIVA: Israeli sense of duty. TONY: So come on. Who recruited you? Your father? Uncle? Brother? Boyfriend? ZIVA: Aunt. Sister. Lesbian lover. TONY: You're good. You almost got me off the question. Almost. ZIVA: I volunteered. Laila Tov. TONY: Buona notte. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT (SFX: CABINET DRAWER OPENS) KATE: (V.O.) Why haven't you come down to see me yet? (ON CAMERA) If you don't peek at the back of my head, I'll just look like I'm asleep. (SIGHS) I'm so lonely I'd even welcome a visit from Tony. ABBY: McGee! Didn't Tony match the tire tracks to a Chevy Suburban? MCGEE: Uh, yeah. Bridgestone Duelers. Factory issue. Uh, what are you doing? ABBY: We caught a break. N-O-R orbited a new Keyhole. They're doing calibration tests using the seventh hole of the Norfolk Naval golf course. MCGEE: Why the seventh hole? ABBY: See? That's why I dig you, McGee. You think specific. Whatever the reason, we are grateful because that orbit took the Keyhole over Newport News! I inputted the warehouse coordinates... MCGEE: That's the rooftop! That's me... Tony, Gibbs, Kate. ABBY: Is that the building where Ari's sniper nest was? MCGEE: It is. Ari's not there. ABBY: What do you expect? A video of him shooting? MCGEE: Well, I was hoping. ABBY: Only in flicks, McGee. MCGEE: Okay, then why are you so excited? ABBY: I don't know. Maybe it's being alone with you on a rainy night. MCGEE: Abby... ABBY: Oh, look! Could it be? A black Chevy Suburban driving down the alleyway. MCGEE: Uh... can you read the license plate? ABBY: That depends more on angle than resolution. (SFX: KEYBOARDING) ABBY: It's not a dress, McGee. You can't look up it to see what you want. Ha! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh, McGee! MCGEE: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I've got to put a BOLO out on the plate. ABBY: We did good, huh? MCGEE: You did great. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STREET - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS WATCHES THE APARTMENT) (PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs. Slow down, McGee. Take a breath. Start with the address. Seven, two, four, tango, Julia, alpha. Got it. (SFX: TELEPHONE BEEP TONES) (BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) (PHONE RINGS) SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) Shepard. GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) I need a partner for the night. You up for it? (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Jen? (SCENE CUT) SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) Jethro, don't you know any other women? (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) None I can call for backup. You didn't think I meant... (SCENE CUT) SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) That's what you have a whole team of agents for. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Well, McGee's on protection duty with Abby. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) DiNozzo's tailing Ziva. And since I lost... SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) DiNozzo's what? (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) He's tailing Ziva. SHEPARD: (V.O./FILTERED) Well where are you? GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Outside! (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAR - MOVING SHEPARD: What are the chances that Ari is still at this house? GIBBS: Zero. Ducky was a diversion so your friend Ziva could pass cash and documents to him. SHEPARD: Ziva's a control officer doing her job. You'd do the same if the roles were reversed. GIBBS: She's using you, Jen! SHEPARD: And I'm using her. A half dozen Hamas suicide bombers will not be blowing up our boys in Iraq because of Ziva. GIBBS: She's Metsada, isn't she? SHEPARD: The Mossad code name for that division is Komemiute. GIBBS: Whatever they name it, they specialize in assassinations. SHEPARD: Excuse me. Weren't you a Marine sniper? GIBBS: If I have to go through your friend to get Ari, I will. SHEPARD: Ziva knows that. GIBBS: You really do like her. SHEPARD: She's damn good. And I owe her. She saved my life in Cairo two years ago. (PASSAGE OF TIME) SHEPARD: I can't believe this. I've been Director less than twenty four hours and I'm back on the street. GIBBS: It's great, isn't it? SHEPARD: No, Jethro. It isn't. GIBBS: Come on! Come on! You love it. SHEPARD: Truthfully? I'd rather be in bed. Sleeping. GIBBS: Remember that stake out in Marseille? August. Stuck in that attic with no air, photographing everyone who boarded that Lebanese trawler. That second night... that's the first time we-- SHEPARD: Okay. Shut up. GIBBS: Hand me the binocs. They're underneath the seat. SHEPARD: What? GIBBS: That's Ari's SUV. SHEPARD: (SHOUTS) Shooter! (SFX: GUNSHOT/ GLASS BREAKS) GIBBS: Stay down! (SFX: GUNSHOTS) (SFX: GLASS BREAKS) (MUSIC OVER ACTION) (SFX: GUNFIRE) SHEPARD: I expected Haswari to be older. GIBBS: He is. (MUSIC OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: (V.O.) Gunshot number three is located under the right clavicle. Appears to be a distant wound from the absence of sooting and stippling. Gunshot number four is located six centimeters to the left. (ON CAMERA) Appears to be a distant wound from the absence of sooting and stippling. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS GARAGE - NIGHT MCGEE: It is a miracle, Boss. He was shooting to kill her, not you. Just like he did with Kate and Abby. It's funny how he always went after women. (V.O.) Not that I'm implying he should have shot at you rather than... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - NIGHT ABBY: (OVERLAP) You're not going to like this Gibbs. All the three oh eight full metal jacket rounds recovered from the shooting came from this Bravo Fifty-One rifle dropped by the sniper you shot last night. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT TONY: (OVERLAP) ...Two years ago. Mohamed Esfiri was a homegrown terrorist. Born in Cleveland. He was an ardent follower of radical Imam who promised martyrdom to all who died in the Jihad... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD - NIGHT SHEPARD: (OVERLAP) ... Since Miss Sciuto has confirmed that the sniper rifle we recovered last night was the weapon used to murder Special Agent Todd, and with no evidence to the contrary, it appears that Mohamed Esfiri was the sniper. I believe it's safe for your team to go home, Gibbs. Special Agent Todd's funeral is in Indiana tomorrow afternoon. SecNav has offered us his private jet to fly us there. Go home. Get some rest. (ALL WALK O.S.) SHEPARD: What about you, Jethro? GIBBS: Mohamed didn't kill Kate. He didn't shoot at Abby. SHEPARD: You are not infallible, Jethro, no matter what your gut is telling you. Ari isn't trying to kill you, but this obsession might. GIBBS: Hey, Jen? SHEPARD: What? GIBBS: Why did he only shoot at your side of the car last night? SHEPARD: I suppose you were right. He was trying to kill women who work with you. GIBBS: How did he know you were in the car? I called you at the spur of the moment. I parked in the dark. He couldn't see through our windshield even with a scope. That guy was sent to die, not to kill. SHEPARD: No. No one's going to do that. GIBBS: Come on, Jen. Hamas suicide bombers blow themselves up all the time. It doesn't matter how a martyr dies as long as it's for the Jihad. Mohamed last night - he died for rivers of honey and seventy-two virgins. SHEPARD: I'm not saying you're right, but if you are, how do we prove it?(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN) GIBBS: We? Did you just join my side? SHEPARD: Jethro, I've always been on your side. What do we do? GIBBS: Kill Ari before he kills me. (SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE CLOSED) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/DRAWER SLIDES OPEN/ MCGEE UNCOVERS KATE) TONY: I told you she looked good. Probie wouldn't believe me, Kate. He thought you'd look like the Return of the Living Dead. MCGEE: I did not. TONY: Don't lie to the dead, McGee. Not nice. MCGEE: I was a little afraid. TONY: Kid was terrified. But it took a lot of guts to come down here... alone. Showed how much he cared for you. MCGEE: I really did like you, Kate.... a lot.(DOOR CLOSES) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. PARK - NIGHT (SFX: RAIN FALLING B.G.) FORNELL: It's raining, Gibbs. GIBBS: Uh-huh. FORNELL: You smell like a wet dog. GIBBS: Well, there was one here underneath the bench when I got here. I put him in the gazebo. FORNELL: Why aren't you in the gazebo? GIBBS: Dog smells like hell. FORNELL: So why didn't you leave him under... never mind. GIBBS: If I ask you something, Tobias, are you going to lie to me? FORNELL: Depends on the question. GIBBS: What's Ari Haswari's real mission here? FORNELL: I'm going to lie to you. Mossad lies to the CIA. They lie to us. I lie to you. I don't know who you lie to, being the bottom of the armed Fed Food Chain and not married. GIBBS: So you don't know. FORNELL: Correct. I do not know. You ever go to the movies? GIBBS: I build a boat. FORNELL: Well, you and that dog are going to need one. Why don't you get out of the rain, Jethro, and go watch a movie! GIBBS: You have a film in mind? FORNELL: It's not in theaters anymore. But you can rent a DVD. GIBBS: Sounds like a good idea. A good thing to do on a rainy afternoon. What's the name of this film? TONY: (V.O.) The Peacemaker. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: George Clooney, Nicole Kidman. Directed by Mimi Leder. Made it in ninety seven. It's a real action flick. Clooney and Kidman have to find a stolen nuclear weapon before it's used by terrorists. I can't believe you never saw it! ZIVA: Where is Gibbs? TONY: You know, that's the first question you asked me when we met. ZIVA: No. The first question was, were you having phone s*x? SHEPARD: Ziva! Deputy Director David is on teleconference for you. TONY: Oooh, Deputy Director David? Wouldn't be daddy, would it? ZIVA: David is a common Israeli name. TONY: You didn't answer my question. TONY: Did they lose a nuke, Boss? GIBBS: According to the Deputy Director, Israel doesn't have nukes. TONY: Boss? GIBBS: They have a power plant in Dimona where a small amount of plutonium is missing. TONY: Hamas is making a bomb? GIBBS: They have a core. No detonator. Ari was to buy a Krytron trigger. He delivers it to the Hamas cell with the plutonium. TONY: Mossad grabs him. GIBBS: Only he's a little behind schedule. They're getting nervous. Deputy Director David is up there right now ordering Ziva to cooperate. TONY: He her daddy? GIBBS: No idea. I didn't ask. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - NIGHT GIBBS: Do you know why Ari left his brass behind? ZIVA: You are a broken tape, Gibbs. TONY: Record. A broken record. GIBBS: A sniper's brass is like signing your signature. That's why a sniper always polices his brass. Lapua. Three oh eight casing. Boat-tail. Moly-coated full metal jacket bullet. ZIVA: That's what you shot as a Marine sniper. At Mossad we use Sierra Six point five hollow points. GIBBS: How do you know what I shot, Miss David? SHEPARD: She profiled you for Ari. TONY: Not just the boss. That's how you knew where I was born and went to school. ZIVA: Ari's missions involved NCIS. As his controller, of course I did dossiers on everyone he might interact with. SHEPARD: It's S.O.P at Kumemiute. GIBBS: Director. Abs. Tony. Give me a minute alone with Miss David, please? (ALL WALK O.S.) GIBBS: You found out about my first wife and my daughter. ZIVA: Yes. I'm sorry. GIBBS: Then we know why Ari is shooting at women then, don't we? ZIVA: If he wanted you to know he is the sniper, why didn't he use your rifle? An M-Forty? GIBBS: The Bravo Fifty-one he fired is called a "Kate!" ZIVA: I still don't believe Ari is the sniper. What you have said should be investigated. GIBBS: Well, when the media gets wind of this, it's going to create a furor. ZIVA: Are you threatening to go to the media? GIBBS: No, not me. This could stay between Mossad and NCIS. ZIVA: In exchange for what? Setting up Ari for you to kill? GIBBS: No. Setting me up for Ari. And if I'm wrong about this, he won't show up. ZIVA: And if you're right? GIBBS: Then I'm counting on you to back me up. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BASEMENT - NIGHT ARI: Are you looking for this, Jethro? I want you to know I wish I hadn't had to shoot Caitlin. GIBBS: Why did you? ARI: To cause you pain. GIBBS: I piss you off that much? ARI: Not you. My father. You have the misfortune of reminding me of the b*st*rd. GIBBS: Ah, he didn't marry your mother, huh? ARI: That's what makes me a b*st*rd, not him. From the moment of my birth, he groomed me to be one thing... his mole in Hamas. He sent me to Edinburgh to become a doctor so I could work in the Gaza camps alongside my mother. When he had her killed, I had no trouble joining the Iz Adin al-Kassam. GIBBS: You don't really believe your father had your mother killed? ARI: It was a retaliatory Israeli strike on a day I was in Tel Aviv... visiting him. After decades of planning, he had his mole in Hamas. He never knew how much I hated him. I wish I could see his face when he realizes he created not a mole but a monster eager to strike at the heart of Mossad and Israel. GIBBS: Yeah, I almost feel sorry for you. ARI: And I for you. When Ziva told me you were placing flowers on the roof where Caitlin died, I couldn't believe it. Such a romantic touch. Almost too good to pass up. Almost. GIBBS: Why did you? ARI: I need you to commit suicide with your own rifle. You never did give me enough credit in our game. I knew it was a trap before Ziva told me you asked her to cover you. You'd never trust Ziva. And you need to kill me to taste the sweetness of revenge. GIBBS: I've killed enough men in my life, Ari. It's going to be just sweet watching you die. ARI: Sorry to spoil your-- (SFX: GUNSHOT) (ARI FALLS TO THE GROUND) GIBBS: His father is a Deputy Director in Mossad? ZIVA: Yes. GIBBS: Not David? ZIVA: Yes. He's my half brother.(GIBBS WALKS O.S.) (ZIVA SINGS IN HEBREW) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. CEMETERY - DAY (INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENES OF KATE/TONY/ABBY/MCGEE) GIBBS: I was afraid I wasn't going to make it. SHEPARD: Ari? GIBBS: Ziva's escorting his body to Tel Aviv. (ALL PLACE FLOWERS ON THE COFFIN) KATE: You're late for my funeral, Gibbs. GIBBS: Sorry, Kate. ABBY: Do you mind if I play something for Kate? (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS) (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ALL WALK FROM THE GRAVE) (CUT TO BLACK)

Gibbs' determination to kill Ari in revenge for Kate Todd's death increases after he mounts attacks against various members of the team in his sadistic game with Gibbs.

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_05x01

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_05x01_0

Scene: The Cafeteria Sheldon: It's not what it looks like. It's not what it looks like. Leonard: What are you grinding about? Sheldon: Penny's brain teaser this morning. She and Koothrappali emerge from your bedroom. She is dishevelled, and Raj is dressed only in a sheet. The sole clue, it's not what it looks like. Leonard: Just let it go, Sheldon. Sheldon: If I could, I would, but I can't, so I shan't. Now, knowing Penny, the obvious answer is, they engaged in coitus. But, since that's what it looked like, we can rule that out. Let's put on our thinking cap, shall we? (Mimes doing so) Raj is from India, a tropical country. Third World hygiene. Parasitic infections are common, such as pinworms. Mm-hmm. The procedure for diagnosing pinworms is to wait until the subject is asleep, and the worms crawl out of the rectum for air. (Leonard spits out food) Yes, just like that. Penny could have been inspecting Raj's a**l region for parasites. Oh, boy. That's a true blue friend. Leonard: They slept together, Sherlock. Sheldon: No, you weren't listening. She said, it's not what it looks like. Leonard: She lied. Sheldon: Oh. Well don't I look silly sitting here wearing this? Credits sequence. Scene: The Cafeteria Howard: Hey. Raj: Hey. Leonard: Hey. Sheldon: Hey. Leonard, is it awkward for you knowing that one of your dear friends had sexual intercourse with a woman you used to love in the very place you lay your head? Leonard: No, I'm fine with it. Sheldon: That sounds like sarcasm, but I'm going to disregard it, because I have an agenda. Paintball. Specifically, the interdepartmental tournament this weekend. Now, in order to function better as a fighting unit, I thought we should establish a chain of command. Now, it goes without saying that I would outrank the three of you, but the question remains, by how much? Now, I don't see me as some four-star general, back at HQ riding a desk and playing golf with the Secretary of Defence. But I also can't be Sergeant Cooper, because that might lead you to think of me as just a regular Joe. This might take some thought. As you were. Leonard: What the hell is wrong with you? Howard: Yeah, how could you do that? Raj: What is it to you? Howard: I got his back. Raj: Yeah, right. You're just jealous because it turns out I'm Penny's number two choice after Leonard. Howard: Hey, if I wasn't engaged to Bernadette, that totally could have been me. Leonard: Please. Sheldon would have been before you, and he might not even have genitals. Raj: Why do you care so much? You're dating my sister, and Penny and I are in love. Leonard and Howard together: What? Sheldon: Gentlemen, if I may interject, I've decided my rank will be captain. If it's good enough for Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo, it's good enough for me. Howard: You're not in love with Penny. Raj: Yes, I am. The god Kamadeva has shot us with his flowery arrows of love. Howard: Who? Raj: He's the Hindu version of Cupid, but way better, because he rides a giant parrot. Leonard: Raj, come on. You fall in love with any girl who smiles at you. A month ago, you were writing poems about his fiancee. Howard: I'm sorry. What? Raj: Rubbish. He's talking rubbish. Leonard: Oh, Bernadette, please play my clarinet. Raj: That could have been about anyone. Besides, you have nothing to worry about, because now I'm the dusky half of Koothrapenny. Sheldon: For the record, I do have genitals. They're functional and aesthetically pleasing. Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny has a bottle of wine. She can't find a glass. Finds a measuring jug and uses that instead. There is a knock on the door. Penny: Coming. Yup, that's good. Wine glasses should have handles. Amy: Keeping accurate track of your alcohol intake. Smart idea considering how trampy you get when you've had a few. Penny: You heard what I did? Amy: Well, I heard who you did. Penny: Oh, my God, I screwed up everything. I hurt Leonard, I hurt Raj, I mean, what is wrong with me? I feel like two totally different people, Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Whore. Amy: Don't be so hard on yourself. Do you know the story of Catherine the Great? Penny: No. Amy: She ruled Russia in the late seventeen hundreds, and one night, when she was feeling particularly randy, she used an intricate system of pulleys to have intimate relations with a horse. Penny: I'm... I'm sorry. What does this have to do with me? Amy: She engaged in interspecies hanky-panky, and people still call her great. I'm sure your reputation can survive you shagging a little Indian boy. Scene: Raj's apartment. There is a knock on the door. He opens it. Bernadette: You jerk face! What did you tell Howard? Did you say there was something going on between us? Because he thinks there is. He's completely freaking out! Raj: Please, come in. Bernadette: What the hell is wrong with you? Raj: Well, you were always so nice to me, I thought maybe you liked me. Bernadette: I'm nice to everyone. Raj: I'm sorry. Bernadette: Damn right, you're sorry. And you tell Howard there's never been anything between us. Raj: I will. Hey, Bernadette? Bernadette: What?! Raj: Do you think I have a shot with Penny? Bernadette: Of course you do. You're a cutie pie. Any girl would be lucky to have you. Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: You know, I've done this before. In kindergarten, I was supposed to marry Jason Sorensen at recess, but by the time my class got out there, he was already engaged to Chelsea Himmelfarb. So what did I do? Hung upside down from the monkey bars, let all the boys see my underpants. Amy: You can't blame yourself. When your prefrontal cortex fails to make you happy, promiscuity rewards you with the needed flood of dopamine. We neurobiologists refer to this as the skank reflex. Penny: You know what? Let's get out of here. Amy: Where are we going? Penny: Somewhere where no one's seen me naked. We may have to drive awhile. (Opens door. Sees Leonard and Sheldon. Slams it shut again.) Sheldon: Subtlety isn't her strong suit, is it? Penny: Can I stay at your place for a few nights? Amy: Really? A best friend sleepover? Yay. Penny: Yeah, sure. Yay! Amy: We'll make popcorn, stay up all night and I'll teach you my secret language, Op. Penny: Sounds great. Amy: Nope. Sounds Gop Rop E A Top. Penny: Yeah, I'm gonna go pack a bag. Amy: No, you're not. You're gonna Pop A Cop Kop A Bop A Gop. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: Do we really have to wear this camouflage crap to play paintball? Sheldon: Who said that? Leonard, I can hear your voice, but I can't see you. Leonard: I'm not in the mood, Sheldon. Sheldon: Oh, there you are. Leonard, I know you're upset about recent events, and I have someone here to help. (Showing laptop screen) Leonard: I don't want to talk to Amy. Sheldon: No, it's not Amy. Dr Hofstadter: Hello, dear. Leonard: You called my mother? Sheldon: Oh, Leonard, is it really necessary to caption the obvious? Dr Hofstadter: He's been like that since he was a toddler. Look, Mommy, a butterfly. Maddening. Leonard: What's going on? What do you want? Dr Hofstadter: Sheldon informed me that you're experiencing an emotional upheaval, and I'm here to help. Leonard: That's so nice. Dr Hofstadter: And we're back to the obvious. Now, what's up? Leonard: Well, uh, okay, um, I don't want to get back together with Penny. We tried it, it was crazy, it didn't work, but I can't deal with the fact that she slept with my friend Raj. And then I find out that Raj's sister Priya, who I've been going out with for eight months, is moving back to India. So I'm just completely confused and alone. Dr Hofstadter: I understand. Leonard: Got any advice? Dr Hofstadter: Yes. Buck up. Leonard: Excuse me. You're a world-renowned expert in parenting and child development, and all you've got is buck up? Dr Hofstadter: Sorry. Buck up, sissy pants. Leonard: Thanks, Mother. I feel much better. Dr Hofstadter: If you need any more help from me, my books are available on Amazon. Logging off. Scene: Amy's apartment. Amy is brushing Penny's hair. Amy: Ninety-nine, one hundred. It's like a waterfall of liquid gold. My turn. Penny: You know, I don't even know what the point of me staying in L.A. is. I haven't gotten a single acting job since I moved out here. The closest I came was last month, I got a callback for a hemorrhoid commercial. Amy: Oh, I could so see you being the face of haemorrhoids. Penny: I know, right? Maybe I should just move back to Nebraska. Amy: No, I can't let you do that. Penny: Why not? (There is a knock on the door) Amy: For the first time ever, I have a thriving social life. And no pressure, but it kind of lives and dies with you. Raj: Hi, Amy. Can I talk to Penny? Amy: A guest in my trundle bed and a boy at my door? I wish I could tell 13-year-old me it does get better. Penny: How did you know I was here? Raj: It's all over her Facebook page. Amy: I'll take your stuff to the bedroom and clear out a drawer. Penny: Thanks. Amy: No problem. Try and keep it in your pants, okay? Penny: So, hi. What's up? Raj: I was wondering if you're free Friday. They're having a Totally '80s Night at the Greek. Hall & Oates, Katrina and the Waves and three-fifths of Kajagoogoo. Penny: Oh. Gee, that's really sweet, but the thing is... Raj: Aw, there's a thing. Penny: Look, honey, I was really drunk and made a huge mistake last night. We should've never slept together. It's what ruins friendships. Raj: You can't ruin a friendship with s*x. That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles. Penny: Come here. Just listen to me. I want to go back to the way we were before. You know, friends. No sprinkles. Raj: Oh. All right. Penny: Thank you. Raj: Well, uh, as your friend, you might like to know that, um, we didn't have s*x in the conventional sense. Penny: Oh, God. Did you pull some weird Indian crap on me? Raj: No, no. After we got undressed and jumped in bed, you, you asked if I had protection. Penny: Oh, you did, didn't you? Raj: Of course. I'm always packing. Anyway, um, I had trouble putting it on and you tried to help and, that was all she wrote. Penny: So, we didn't actually... Raj: I did. It was beautiful. Penny: Oh! Raj: Penny, please, please promise me you won't tell anybody about this. Penny: Of course I won't. No, I won't. Raj: Oh, good. Um, can I tell people that our love burned too bright and too quickly? Kind of a Candle in the Wind deal? Penny: Sure. Raj: Cool. Can I say it fell apart because you were all, I want to have your babies, and I was like, I'm too rock and roll to be tied down? Penny: No. Raj: Can I say I ruined you for white men? Penny: Also no. Raj: Okay, just the candle thing. Penny: Yeah. Raj: Cool. All right friend. Penny: Hmm. Raj: I'll see you around. Penny: Okay. Raj, wait. Thank you for being my friend. (She hugs him.) Raj: Penny? Penny: Mm-hmm? Raj: It's getting beautiful again. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: A shed on the paintball range. Sheldon: All right, this is a Google Earth view of the field of battle. Howard: I don't see anything. Sheldon: Give it a second to load. Whenever you're ready, AT&T! Okay, here we go. This is us here. To the south is Professor Loomis and the Geology Department. According to their Twitter feed, they're out of sunblock, which means they'll have to hug the tree line or risk melanoma. That's our edge. All we have to do is move quickly over this ridge, the rock-worshipping pasty-faced bastards won't know what hit them. All right, let's move out. Leonard: Hang on, Sheldon. How could you not tell me your sister was moving back to India? Howard: Maybe he was too busy writing clumsy pen1s metaphors about my fiancee. Raj: Screw you. That was a beautifully written pen1s metaphor. Leonard: You know what, guys, I'm not in the mood for paintball. What do you say we just bag it? Howard: Fine with me. Raj: Sure, whatever. Sheldon: You can't quit. That's a court-martial offence. That's punishable by... You can't quit. Leonard: Sorry, Sheldon, it's just not a good time for playing games. Sheldon: This is a game to you? Uh, was the Battle of Antietam a game? Huh? Was the sack of Rome a game? Leonard: Yes, no and no. Sheldon: Wait. I just want you all to know that I forgive you. This mutiny isn't your fault, it's mine. I haven't earned these bars. Although what I lack in leadership, apparently I more than make up for in sewing. Howard: Let it go, Sheldon. I'll get you a Jamba Juice on the way home. Sheldon: No. Jamba Juice is for heroes. And that's what we're going to be. Leonard: What are you doing? Sheldon: Following in the footsteps of Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo. (Walks outside) Geology isn't a real science! (Gets hit by countless paintball pellets) Howard: Damn those sons of bitches! Leonard: Let's get 'em! Sheldon: If there's ever a Church of Sheldon, this will be when it started. Ow! Scene: The apartment. Leonard: I'd like to propose a toast to the man whose noble sacrifice inspired our victory, Captain Sheldon Cooper. Howard and Raj: Here, here. Sheldon: Excuse me. It's Major Sheldon Cooper. With my last breath, I awarded myself a battlefield promotion. It's kind of a big deal. Penny: Hi. You guys have a minute? Leonard: Uh, yeah, sure. Penny: Okay. Um. Well, I already talked to Raj, but I wanted to apologize to the rest of you for, you know, everything. Raj: Please, Penny, let me. We've decided to let our crazy, wonderful night together be just one of those memories you have and can call to mind when you're feeling blue or you're in the shower. Penny: Hey, what you doing, Quick Draw? Raj: Sorry. Go on. Penny: Anyways, I wanted you guys all to know that I've been taking a really hard look at things and come to the conclusion I have to stop kidding myself. I suck at acting. It's time for me to move back to Nebraska. Leonard: You're leaving? Penny: Yeah. Howard: What are you going to do in Nebraska? Penny: I don't know, maybe teach acting. (Phone rings) Oh, sorry. Hold on. Hello? Leonard: Penny, Penny, listen, I hope you're not doing this 'cause of you and me, because I have a girlfriend, and you're a single woman. Penny: Shh! It's my agent, it's my agent. You're kidding. Oh, my gosh. I can't believe it! Really? Oh, I'm so excited, thank you, thank you so much. Okay, bye. I got the haemorrhoid commercial! I start Monday. Sheldon: What about Nebraska? Penny: Oh, hell with Nebraska. I'm gonna be a star! Sheldon (to Leonard): Have you ever thought of teaching physics? Scene: The apartment. Penny's ad is on the television. She is at a stables. Actress: Ready to ride? Penny (on screen): I don't think so, Mom. Not today. Actress: Oh, sweetie. Haemorrhoids acting up again? Penny (on screen): You don't know the half of it. Actress: Oh, yes, I do. Try a dab of this. Penny (on screen): Rose-scented Preparation-H for women? Actress: Now, the H is for Her. Leonard: I'm proud of you. Penny: Shh! Here comes my joke. Actress: How are you doing? Penny (on screen): Sittin' pretty.

Raj finds himself in hot water with Leonard after his night with Penny and also with Howard. Raj has feelings for Penny and talks to her about the recent events. Penny feels that this has damaged her relationship with the guys permanently and decides to move back, as she has not had any worthwhile acting jobs since moving. Sheldon appoints himself as the captain.

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fd_Doctor_Who_01x02_0

INT. TARDIS Picking up where the last episode left off - Rose runs into the TARDIS and joins the Doctor. THE DOCTOR: Right then, Rose Tyler, you tell me, where do you want to go? Backwards or forwards in time. What's it going to be? ROSE: Forwards. The Doctor presses a few buttons. THE DOCTOR: How far? ROSE (picking random number): One hundred years. He pulls a lever and turns a knob. The engines lurch and then stop after a few seconds. THE DOCTOR: There you go, step outside those doors, it's the twenty-second century. ROSE: You're kidding. THE DOCTOR: That's a bit boring though, do you want to go further? ROSE: Fine by me! The Doctor starts up the engines again. When they stop, he looks at her. THE DOCTOR: Ten thousand years in the future. Step outside, it's the year 12005, the New Roman Empire. ROSE (teasingly): You think you're so impressive. THE DOCTOR: I AM so impressive! ROSE: You wish! THE DOCTOR: Right then, you asked for it. I know exactly where to go. (Revs up the engine, pumps a lever furiously). Hold on! The TARDIS hurtles through the time vortex. With a pinging noise, the TARDIS stops. ROSE: Where are we? The Doctor gestures towards the doors. Rose smiles excitedly. ROSE (CONT'D): What's out there? The Doctor gestures again. Rose steps outside the doors. INT. VIEWING GALLERY Rose finds herself in some kind of wooden room. The Doctor follows her and with his sonic screwdriver, opens the shutters of an enormous window. They go down the stairs and find themselves looking down on the planet Earth. THE DOCTOR: You lot. You spend all your time thinking about dying. Like you're going to get killed by eggs or beef or global warming or asteroids. But you never take time to imagine the impossible. Maybe you survive. This is the year 5.5/apple/26. Five billion years in your future. This is the day... hold on... (Looks at his watch). This is the day the sun expands. Welcome to the end of the world. OPENING CREDITS EXT. PLATFORM ONE Two space shuttles zoom towards Platform One, essentially a huge space station. COMPUTER VOICE: Shuttles 5 and 6 now docking. Guests are reminded that platform 1 forbids the use of weapons, teleportation and religion. Earth Death is scheduled for 15:39, followed by drinks in the Manchester Suite. INT. PLATFORM ONE, CORRIDOR Rose and the Doctor are walking down a corridor. ROSE: So, when it says 'guests' does that mean people? THE DOCTOR: Depends what you mean by people. ROSE: I mean people. What do you mean? THE DOCTOR: Aliens. ROSE: What are they doing on board this spaceship? What's it all for? The Doctor starts to open a door with his sonic screwdriver. THE DOCTOR: It's not really a spaceship. More like an observation deck. The great and the good are gathering to watch the planet burn. ROSE: What for? THE DOCTOR: Fun. INT. THE MANCHESTER SUITE They enter a large observation gallery. THE DOCTOR: Mind you, when I said the great and the good, what I mean is, the rich. ROSE: But, hold on, they did this once on "Newsround Extra", the sun expanding, that takes hundreds of years. THE DOCTOR: Millions. But the planet's now property of the National Trust. They've been keeping it preserved. See down there? (Points out of the window at tiny glints of light orbiting the Earth). Gravity satellite. That's holding back the sun. ROSE (peering out of the window at Earth). The planet looks the same as ever. I thought the continents shifted and things. THE DOCTOR: They did. And the trust shifted them back. That's a classic Earth. But now the money's run out, nature takes over! ROSE: How long has it got? The Doctor looks at his watch. THE DOCTOR: About half an hour. And the planet gets roasted. ROSE: Is that why we're here? I mean, is that what you do? Jump in at the last minute and save the Earth? THE DOCTOR: I'm not saving it. Time's up. ROSE: But what about the people? THE DOCTOR: It's empty! They're all gone. All left. Rose looks back to the window, realization spreading across her face. ROSE: Just me then. The Steward hurries towards them. STEWARD: Who the hell are you? THE DOCTOR: Oh! That's nice, thanks. STEWARD: But how did you get in? This is a maximum hospitality zone. The guests have disembarked! They're on their way any second now! THE DOCTOR: That's me, I'm a guest, look! I've got an invitation! (Flashes a small leather wallet at the Steward). Look, there you see? It's fine, see? The Doctor plus one. I'm the Doctor, this is Rose Tyler. She's my plus one. That all right? STEWARD: Well... obviously. (Doctor grins). Apologies, et cetera. If you're on-board, we'd better start. Enjoy. The Doctor nods at him. After the steward walks off, the Doctor shows Rose the card he had flashed at the steward. It is completely blank. THE DOCTOR: The paper's slightly psychic. Shows them whatever I want them to see. Saves a lot of time. ROSE: He's blue. THE DOCTOR: Yeah. ROSE: Okay... The steward is now speaking through a microphone at the other end of the suite. STEWARD: We have in attendance, the Doctor and Rose Tyler. Thank you! All staff to their positions. He claps his hands and a lot of little blue people (the staff) start scurrying around. STEWARD (CONT'D): Hurry now! Thank you, as quick as we can! Come along, come along! And now, might I introduce the next honoured guest, representing the forest of Cheem, we have Trees. Namely, Jabe, Lute and Coffa. Jabe, Lute and Coffa walk through the doors. STEWARD (CONT'D): There will be an exchange of gifts representing peace. If you can keep the room circulating, thank you. Next, from the solicitors Jolco and Jolco, the Moxx of Balhoon. The Doctor smiles cheerily, as Rose looks on bewildered. STEWARD (CONT'D): And next, from Financial Family Seven, we have the Adherents of the Repeated Meme. The Doctor chuckles at the look on Rose's face. STEWARD (CONT'D): The inventors of hyposlip travel systems, the brothers Hop Pyleen. Thank you! Enter new aliens. STEWARD (CONT'D): Cal 'Spark Plug'. Enter new aliens. STEWARD (CONT'D): Mr. and Mrs. Pakoo. Enter new aliens. STEWARD (CONT'D): The Ambassadors from the City State of Binding Light. Jabe approaches the Doctor. Either side of her, her companions are holding plant trays with little shoots in them. JABE: The Gift of Peace. (Takes a cutting, hands it to the Doctor). I bring you a cutting of my Grandfather. THE DOCTOR: Thank you! (Gives it to Rose). Yes, gifts... erm... He clears his throat and starts feeling his jacket for something, finding nothing, he says : THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): I give you in return, air from my lungs. He blows gently onto Jabe's face, who closes her eyes briefly. JABE: How... intimate. THE DOCTOR (flirtatiously): There's more where that came from. JABE: I bet there is... Rose has the sort of look on her face that is to be expected of someone who has just witnessed their companion flirting with a tree. STEWARD: Sponsor of the main event, please welcome the Face of Boe. A huge head in an equally huge jar is wheeled through the doors. The Moxx of Balhoon approaches the Doctor and Rose. THE DOCTOR: The Moxx of Balhoon. MOXX OF BALHOON: My felicitations on this historical happenstance. I give you the gift of bodily saliva. He spits accurately into Rose's left eye. THE DOCTOR (laughs): Thank you very much. Rose rubs the spit out of her eye. Next, the Adherents of the Repeated Meme approach them. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Ah! The Adherents of the Repeated Meme. I bring you air from my lungs. He breathes heavily over them all. ADHERENT: A gift of peace in all good faith. He holds out a large silver egg, which the Doctor takes, throws up into the air, catches, and hands to Rose. STEWARD: And last but not least, our very special guest. Ladies and Gentlemen, and Trees and Multiforms. Consider the Earth below. In memory of this dying world, we call forth The Last Human. The Doctor looks at Rose to see her reaction. The sliding doors open and what looks like a vertical trampoline made of human skin is wheeled through. It has eyes and a mouth, and wears lipstick. STEWARD: The Lady Cassandra O'Brien Dot Delta Seventeen. CASSANDRA: Oh, now, don't stare. I know, I know it's shocking, isn't it? I've had my chin completely taken away and look at the difference! Look how thin I am. The Doctor laughs silently but heartily and looks at Rose, who looks shocked. CASSANDRA (CONT'D): Thin and dainty! I don't look a day over two thousand. Moisturize me, moisturize me. One of the two men in white body suits who wheeled her in is holding a canister, which he sprays onto Cassandra. CASSANDRA (CONT'D): Truly, I am The Last Human. Rose creeps closer for a better look. CASSANDRA: My father was a Texan. My mother was from the Arctic Desert. They were born on the Earth and were the last to be buried in the soil. Rose has been walking around to the other side of Cassandra, to get a good view of her from all angels. She is completely flat. CASSANDRA: I have come to honour them and... (Sniffs)...say goodbye. Oh, no tears. (Bodyguard wipes her eyes). No tears. I'm sorry. But behold! I bring gifts. From Earth itself, the last remaining ostrich egg. One of the staff comes in and displays the egg to the room. CASSANDRA (CONT'D): Legend says it had a wingspan of 50 feet and blew fire from its nostrils. Rose looks mildly confused. CASSANDRA (CONT'D): Or was that my third husband? Rose rolls her eyes but the Doctor laughs. CASSANDRA: Who knows! Oh don't laugh. I'll get laughter lines! She laughs and mumbles to herself for a few seconds. Behind her, a large jukebox is wheeled into the room. CASSANDRA (CONT'D): And here, another rarity. According to the archives, this was called an iPod. It stores classical music from humanity's greatest composers. Rose looks amazed. CASSANDRA (CONT'D): Play on! One of the staff presses a button and a record falls into place. The 'iPod' starts playing Tainted Love by Soft Cell. The Doctor bops around appreciatively. STEWARD: Refreshments will now be served. Earth Death in 30 minutes. Rose has a lost, overwhelmed expression on her face. Everywhere she looks there are aliens, but no other humans. She rushes from the gallery. Concerned, the Doctor starts to follow her, but is stopped by Jabe. JABE: Doctor? (She snaps a photo of him when he pauses). Thank you. The Doctor proceeds on. Jabe walks in the opposite direction. The Adherents of the Repeated Meme are offering the Steward a silver egg. ADHERENT: A gift of peace in all good faith. STEWARD: No, you're very kind, but I'm just the Steward. The Adherents of the Repeated Meme holds the egg out more persistently. ADHERENT: A gift of peace in all good faith. STEWARD: Oh, yes. Thank you. Of course. He takes the egg. Meanwhile, Jabe is trying to get her computer to identify the Doctor's species. JABE: Identify species. Please identify species. The computer makes a small whistling noise. JABE (CONT'D): Now, stop it. Identify his race. Where's he from? (After a moment, stares at the computer in disbelief, hushed). It's impossible. In a nearby glass cabinet, a metal robotic spider climbs out of one of the metal eggs that the Adherents of the Repeated Meme had been handing out. INT. PLATFORM ONE ROOM, SHAFT Rose, in another part of the ship, looks out of a window at the raging sun. She jumps when another one of the staff comes into the room, this one female. Her name is Raffalo. ROSE: Sorry, am I allowed to be in here? The employee looks around uneasily. RAFFALO: You have to give us permission to talk. She looks at Rose expectantly. Rose looks unsure. ROSE: Uh... you... have permission...? RAFFALO: Thank you! And, no. You're not in the way. Guests are allowed anywhere. ROSE: 'Kay. Raffalo goes to a panel in the wall and enters a code. Rose watches her. ROSE: What's your name? RAFFALO: Raffalo. ROSE: Raffalo? RAFFALO: Yes, Miss. I won't be long, I've just got to carry out some maintenance. She kneels before an air vent. RAFFALO (CONT'D): There's a tiny little glitch in the Face of Boe suite. There must be something blocking the system - he's not getting any hot water. ROSE: So, you're a plumber? RAFFALO: That's right, Miss. ROSE: They still have plumbers? RAFFALO: I hope so! Else I'm out of a job! Rose laughs. ROSE: Where are you from? RAFFALO: Crespallion. ROSE: That's a planet, is it? RAFFALO: No, Crespallion's part of the Jaggit Brocade, affiliated to the Scarlet Junction, Convex 56. And where are you from, Miss? (Seems to remember herself). If you don't mind me asking. ROSE: No! Not at all. Erm... I dunno, a long way away... I just sort of, hitched a lift with this man. (Only just realising the risk she's taken herself). I didn't even think about it... I don't even know who he is... he's a complete stranger... Raffalo looks slightly worried. Rose snaps herself out of it. ROSE (CONT'D): Anyway, don't let me keep you. Good luck with it! She begins to walk away. RAFFALO: Thank you, Miss. And... (Rose turns). Thank you for the permission. Not many people are that considerate. ROSE (smiles): 'Kay. See you later. Roffalo nods and smiles. When Rose has gone, she takes the cover off the air vent. RAFFALO: Now then. She peers into the vent and then speaks into a small microphone attached to her collar.. RAFFALO (CONT'D): Control, I'm at Junction 19 and I think the problem's coming from in here. I'll go inside and have a look. (Hears small tapping). What's that? Is there something in there? The metal spider we saw breaking out of the egg earlier appears at the end of the shaft. RAFFALO (CONT'D): Oh! Who are you, then? The spider scurries away as if frightened. RAFFALO (CONT'D): Hold on! I... if you're an upgrade I just need to register you, that's all. Oh, come back! A red beam of light falling on Raffalo's face tells us the spider has come back. RAFFALO (CONT'D): Ah, there you are. Now, I just need to register your ident. Another spider joins the first. RAFFALO (CONT'D): Oh, there's two of you! Got yourself a little mate! (Giggles). I think I'd better report this to control. How many of you are there? (A third spider appears, and then a fourth). What are you? Oh, no. No. Nooooo! She is dragged head first into the air vent. INT. STEWARD'S OFFICE The steward enters and puts his egg on a nearby table and sits down. He listens to Control speaking. STEWARD: What's that? Well, how should I know? (Activates loudspeaker).Would the owner of the blue box in private gallery 15 please report to the steward's office immediately. Guests are reminded that use of all teleportation devices is strictly forbidden under Peace Treaty 5.4/cup/16. Thank you. While he is talking, a spider has broken out of his egg and run up the opposite wall. EXT. PLATFORM ONE We are shown another shot of the burning sun and the satellite over the Earth. COMPUTER VOICE: Earth Death in 25 minutes. Earth Death in 25 minutes. INT. VIEWING GALLERY Rose sits on the steps, throwing the egg up in the air and catching it again when she hears this announcement. ROSE: Oh, thanks. She puts the egg down and turns her attention to the cutting of Jabe's grandfather. She picks it up. ROSE (CONT'D): Hello! My name's Rose. That's a sort of plant. We might be related... She suddenly realizes what she is doing and hurriedly puts the plant down. ROSE (CONT'D): I'm talking to a twig. Behind her, the spider breaks out of the egg. INT. PLATFORM ONE, CORRIDOR The TARDIS is being dragged away by some of the staff. THE DOCTOR: Oi, now, careful with that. Park it properly. No scratches. One of them walks up to the Doctor, squeaks at him, hands him a card and walks away again. The Doctor reads it - it says 'Have a nice day'. The Doctor looks at the retreating staff's back as if he or she is completely off his or her rocker, and walks off. A few of the metal spiders scurry up the wall behind him. A few more are running along the air vent. INT. VIEWING GALLERY The spider that came out of Rose's egg appears to be scanning her hand, but Rose is completely oblivious. It jumps and runs to the air vent when the Doctor's voice floats through the door. THE DOCTOR: Rose? Are you in there? The spider scrambles through the vent just in time, before the Doctor comes through the door. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Aye aye! (Sits on other side of stairs). What do you think, then? ROSE: Great! Yeah... fine. Once you get past the slightly psychic paper... The Doctor laughs. There is a short pause. ROSE (CONT'D): They're just, so alien. (Doctor looks at her questioningly). The aliens. Are so alien. You look at 'em... and they're alien. THE DOCTOR: Good thing I didn't take you to the Deep South. ROSE (as if looking at him properly for the first time): Where are you from? THE DOCTOR: All over the place. ROSE: They all speak English. THE DOCTOR: No, you just hear English. It's a gift of the TARDIS. Telepathic field, gets inside your brain, translates. ROSE: It's inside my brain? THE DOCTOR: Well, in a good way. ROSE (colder, starting to sound angry): Your machine gets inside my head. It gets inside and it changes my mind, and you didn't even ask? THE DOCTOR (thrown): I didn't think about it like that. ROSE (angrily): No! You were too busy thinking up cheap shots about the Deep South! Who are you then, Doctor? What are you called? What sort of alien are you? The Doctor sits up and looks away from her. THE DOCTOR: I'm just The Doctor. ROSE: From what planet? THE DOCTOR: Well, it's not as if you'll know where it is! ROSE: Where are you from?! THE DOCTOR: What does it matter? ROSE: Tell me who you are! THE DOCTOR (suddenly angry): This is who I am, right here, right now, alright? All that counts is here and now, and this is me! ROSE: Yeah, and I'm here too because you brought me here, so just tell me! The Doctor gets up and walks down the steps away from her. COMPUTER VOICE: Earth Death in 20 minutes. Earth Death in 20 minutes. After a few moments, Rose gets up and follows the Doctor down the steps. ROSE: Alright... as my mate Shareen says... don't argue with the designated driver... The Doctor, with his back turned to her, smiles at that. Rose gets her mobile out of her pocket. ROSE (CONT'D): Can't exactly call for a taxi... there's no signal. We're out of range. Just a bit! THE DOCTOR: Tell you what... He takes the phone from her. THE DOCTOR: With a little bit of jiggery pokery... He takes the back off the phone. ROSE: Is that a technical term, "jiggery pokery"? THE DOCTOR: Yeah, I came first in jiggery pokery, what about you? ROSE: Nah, failed hullabaloo. THE DOCTOR: Oooh. (Fits in a new battery, hands phone back to Rose). There you go. Rose takes it and looks at him uncertainly. He nods. Rose gets her mum's number onto the screen and puts the phone to her ear. It rings. INT. TYLER'S KITCHEN We find ourselves in the Jackie's kitchen, 2005. JACKIE: Hello? ROSE: Mum? Jackie, at home, is putting some washing into the machine. JACKIE: Oh, what is it? What's wrong? What have I done now? Oh, this red top's falling to bits! You should get your money back. Go on! There must be something, you never phone in the middle of the day! INT. VIEWING GALLERY Rose laughs. INT. TYLER'S KITCHEN JACKIE: What's so funny? INT. VIEWING GALLERY ROSE: Nothing! You all right, though? INT. TYLER'S KITCHEN JACKIE: Yeah! Why wouldn't I be? INT. VIEWING GALLERY ROSE: What day is it? INT. TYLER'S KITCHEN JACKIE: Wednesday. All day. You got a hangover? Oh, I tell you what, put a quid in that lottery syndicate, I'll pay you back later. INT. VIEWING GALLERY ROSE: Yeah, um, I was just calling 'cause I might be late home. INT. TYLER'S KITCHEN JACKIE: Is there something wrong? INT. VIEWING GALLERY ROSE: No! I'm fine! Top of the world! The Doctor laughs. INT. TYLER'S KITCHEN Jackie puts the phone down. INT. VIEWING GALLERY Rose lowers the mobile, stunned. THE DOCTOR: Think that's amazing, you want to see the bill. ROSE: That was 5 billion years ago. So... she's dead now. Five billion years later, my mum's dead. THE DOCTOR: Bundle of laughs, you are. The ship shudders. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) (rather pleased and curious): That's not supposed to happen... INT. STEWARD'S OFFICE STEWARD (to control): Well, what was it? I'm just getting green lights at this end. (Activates loudspeaker). Honoured guests may be reassured that gravity pockets may cause slight turbulence, thanking you. As soon as it is switched off again, he speaks angrily to control again. STEWARD (CONT'D): The whole place shook! I felt it! I've hosted all sorts of events on platforms 1, 3, 6 and 15 and I've never felt the slightest tremor. I warn you, if this lot decide to sue... I'm going to scan the infrastructure. (Presses a few buttons). What's that? A spider scurries down the wall behind him. STEWARD (CONT'D): Control, I don't want to worry you, but I'm picking up readings... (Computer beeps). I have no idea! Well, they're small, and the scan says they're metal... (Computer beeps, frustrated). I don't know what they look like! Suddenly, he spots the spider, which is now pottering around on his desk next to his mug. STEWARD (CONT'D): Although, I imagine they might look rather like that... you're not on the guest list... how did you get on board...? The spider looks at him almost mockingly and presses a yellow button on the control panel. The computerized woman's voice booms out again. COMPUTER VOICE: Sunfilter deactivated. STEWARD: No. No! COMPUTER VOICE: Sunfilter descending. The sunfilter does indeed, descend. STEWARD (frantic): No! Sunfilter, up! No, no, no! He fumbles frantically with the buttons on the control panels, but too late. STEWARD (CONT'D): Sunfilter up! Sunfilter up! Blinding light engulfs the steward. COMPUTER VOICE: Sunfilter descending. The Steward screams. Outside the room, the spider escapes through an air vent. INT. THE MANCHESTER SUITE The guests are completely oblivious to the commotion, chatting to each other. The Moxx of Balhoon is talking to the Face of Boe. MOXX OF BALHOON: ...this is the Bad Wolf scenario... The Doctor and Rose enter. THE DOCTOR: That wasn't a gravity pocket. I know gravity pockets and they don't feel like that. He is fiddling with a control panel next to the door. Jabe approaches them. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): What do you think, Jabe? Listened to the engines, they pitched up about 30 hertz, is that dodgy or what? JABE: It's the sound of metal, it doesn't make any sense to me. THE DOCTOR: Where's the engine room? JABE: I don't know... but the maintenance duct is just behind our guest's suite, I could show you. And... (Gestures Rose) ...your wife. THE DOCTOR: She's not my wife. JABE: Partner? THE DOCTOR: No. JABE: Concubine? THE DOCTOR: Nope. Jabe looks at Rose. JABE: Prostitute... ROSE (insulted): Whatever I am, it must be invisible, do you mind? Tell you what, you two go and pollinate, I'm going to catch up with family. Quick word with Michael Jackson. She makes her way over to Cassandra. THE DOCTOR: Don't start a fight. (Proffers arm to Jabe). I'm all yours. ROSE (watching them leave): And I want you home by midnight! The Doctor grins back at her. COMPUTER VOICE: Earth Death in 15 minutes. Earth Death in 15 minutes. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MAINTENANCE CORRIDOR Before the Doctor and Jabe enter, several spiders scurry out of view. THE DOCTOR: Who's in charge of Platform One? Is there a captain or what? JABE: There's just the steward and the staff. All the rest is controlled by the metal man. THE DOCTOR: You mean the computer? But who controls that? JABE: The Corporation. They move Platform One from one artistic event to another. The Doctor is silent for a moment. THE DOCTOR: But there's no one from the corporation on board. JABE: They're not needed. This facility is purely automatic. It's the height of the alpha class. Nothing can go wrong. THE DOCTOR: Unsinkable? JABE: If you like. The nautical metaphor is appropriate. THE DOCTOR: You're telling me. I was on board another ship once. They said that was unsinkable... I ended up clinging to an iceberg, it wasn't half cold. (Stops a moment). So, what you're saying is, if we get in trouble there's no one to help us out? JABE: I'm afraid not. THE DOCTOR (grinning): Fantastic. He starts walking again. JABE: I don't understand. In what way is THAT fantastic? Behind them, a spider creeps out of its hiding place. INT. THE MANCHESTER SUITE Rose is talking to Cassandra. They are looking out of a window at the sun and down at the Earth. CASSANDRA: Soon, the sun will blossom into a red giant, and my home will die. That's where I used to live, when I was a little boy. Down there. Mummy and Daddy had a little house built into the side of the Los Angeles Crevice. (Sighs). I had such fun. ROSE: What happened to everyone else? The Human Race, where did it go? CASSANDRA: They say Mankind has touched every star in the sky. ROSE: So, you're NOT the last human. CASSANDRA: I am the last PURE human. The others... mingled. (Disgusted). Oh, they call themselves "New Humans" and "Proto-humans" and "Digi-humans" even "Human-ish" but you know what I call them? (Lowers her voice to a whisper). Mongrels. ROSE: Right. And you stayed behind. CASSANDRA: I kept myself pure. ROSE: How many operations have you had? CASSANDRA: 708. Next week, it's 709, I'm having my blood bleached. Is that why you wanted a word? You could be flatter, Rose. You've got a little bit of a chin poking out. ROSE: I'd rather die. CASSANDRA: Honestly, it doesn't hurt... ROSE: No, I mean it. I'd rather die. It's better to die than live like you, a bitchy trampoline. CASSANDRA: Oh well. What do you know. ROSE: I was born on that planet. And so was my mum, and so was my dad and that makes me officially the last human being in this room, 'cause you're not human. You've had it all nipped and tucked and flattened till there's nothing left. Anything human got chucked in the bin. You're just skin, Cassandra. Lipstick and skin. Nice talking. She walks off. The Adherents of the Repeated Meme watch her leave through the sliding doors. INT. MAINTENANCE CORRIDOR The Doctor and Jabe are still making their way down the corridor, the low ceiling forcing them to stoop slightly. THE DOCTOR: So, tell me, Jabe. What's a tree like you doing in a place like this? JABE: Respect for the Earth. THE DOCTOR: Oh, come on. Everyone on this platform's worth zillions. JABE: Well... perhaps it's a case of having to be seen at the right occasions. THE DOCTOR: In case your share prices drop? I know you lot. You've got massive forests everywhere, roots everywhere, and there's always money in land. JABE: All the same. You respect the Earth as family. So many species evolved from that planet. Mankind is only one. I'm another. My ancestors were transplanted from the planet down below. And I'm a direct descendant of the tropical rainforest. The Doctor looks impressed. He then points to a control panel. THE DOCTOR: Excuse me. He gets out his sonic screwdriver and starts poking the screen with it. JABE: And what about your ancestry, Doctor? Perhaps you could tell a story or two... perhaps a man only enjoys trouble when there's nothing else left... (No answer). I scanned you earlier. The metal machine had trouble identifying your species, refused to admit your existence. The Doctor pretends to be concentrating on the scan, but a flicker of emotion passes across his face. JABE (CONT'D): And even when it named you, I wouldn't believe it. But it was right. The Doctor stops scanning. Deep sadness is reflected in his eyes. Jabe's tone is hushed, awed. JABE (CONT'D): I know where you're from. Forgive me for intruding, but it's remarkable that you even exist. I just want to say... how sorry I am. Jabe puts a comforting hand on his arm. The Doctor's eyes are filled with tears. He places his hand over hers, and a tear falls down his cheek. He quickly finishes the scan and he and Jabe go through a door. INT. VENTILATION CHAMBER The Doctor and Jabe find themselves in the ventillation chamber. There are huge fans circulating in there. The Doctor looks down at Jabe. THE DOCTOR: Is it me, or is it a bit nippy? INT. PLATFORM ONE, CORRIDOR Rose walks alone down a corridor. The Adherents of the Repeated Meme are coming from the other end. She smiles at them, but the front one strikes her to the ground where she lies unconscious as they drag her from view. INT. VENTILATION CHAMBER THE DOCTOR: Fair do's, though, that's a great bit of air conditioning. Sort of, nice and old fashioned. Bet they call it "retro". (Scans another control panel with his sonic screwdriver). Gotcha. The panel falls off and a spider scuttles out and scurries across the floor and up the wall. The Doctor and Jabe watch it. THE DOCTOR: What the hell's that? JABE: Is it part of the "retro"? THE DOCTOR: I don't think so. Hold on. He points the screwdriver at the spider. However, Jabe fires something up at the spider, disabling it. It comes falling into the Doctor's hand. THE DOCTOR: Hey! Nice liana! JABE: Thank you! We're not supposed to show them in public. THE DOCTOR: Don't worry, I won't tell anybody. (Turns his attention to the spider). Now then. Who's been bringing the pets on board? JABE: What does it do? THE DOCTOR: Sabotage. COMPUTER VOICE: Earth Death in 10 minutes. THE DOCTOR: And the temperature's about to rocket. Come on. They hurry from the chamber. INT. THE MANCHESTER SUITE The aliens mill about. CASSANDRA: The planet's end. Come gather! Come gather! Bid farewell to the cradle of civilization. Let us mourn her with a traditional ballad. Britney Spears' Toxic suddenly blasts out of the enormous iPod. INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE STEWARD'S OFFICE The Doctor and Jabe hurry along, the corridor is filled with smoke and the staff are coughing squeaky little coughs. THE DOCTOR: Come on! Get back! He moves his sonic screwdriver over another control panel. COMPUTER VOICE: Sunfilter rising. Sunfilter rising. JABE (concerned): Was the Steward in there?! THE DOCTOR: You can smell him. Hold on, there's another sun filter program to descend. INT. VIEWING GALLERY 'Toxic' plays loudly as Rose wakes up, rubbing her head. COMPUTER VOICE: Sunfilter descending. Sunfilter descending. Rose sits up in alarm as the Sunfilter descends. She runs to the door and knocks on it frantically. ROSE: Let me out! COMPUTER VOICE: Sunfilter descending. INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE VIEWING GALLERY The Doctor runs along the corridor. ROSE: Let me out! Let me out! The Doctor arrives outside the door to attempt to make the Sunfilter rise again. THE DOCTOR: Anyone in there? ROSE (frantically): Let me out! THE DOCTOR: Oh, well, it would be you. INT. VIEWING GALLERY ROSE: Open the door! INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE VIEWING GALLERY THE DOCTOR: Hold on! Give us two ticks! INT. VIEWING GALLERY The whole room is smoking. COMPUTER VOICE: Sunfilter descending. Sunfilter descending. INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE VIEWING GALLERY The display on the control panel says 'Sunfilter Rising'. The Doctor looks up expectantly. COMPUTER VOICE: Sunfilter rising. Sunfilter rising. The Doctor looks pleased with himself. INT. VIEWING GALLERY Rose sighs with relief. COMPUTER VOICE: Sunfilter rising... Sunfilter descending. INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE VIEWING GALLERY THE DOCTOR: This is just what we need. The computer's getting clever. INT. VIEWING GALLERY ROSE: Will you stop mucking about! INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE VIEWING GALLERY THE DOCTOR: I'm not mucking about, it's fighting back! INT. VIEWING GALLERY ROSE: Open the door! INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE VIEWING GALLERY THE DOCTOR: Hang on! INT. VIEWING GALLERY Rose runs down the stairs and flattens herself to the floor. ROSE: The locks melted! COMPUTER VOICE: Sunfilter descending. Sunfilter descending. INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE VIEWING GALLERY The Doctor jabs his sonic screwdriver right inside the wires. COMPUTER VOICE: Sunfilter rising. Sunfilter rising. INT. VIEWING GALLERY Panting, Rose runs back to the door. The Doctor cannot open it. THE DOCTOR: The whole thing's jammed. I can't open the doors. Stay there! Don't move! ROSE (terrified sort of sarcasm): Where're am I gonna go?! Ipswich?! COMPUTER VOICE: Earth Death in 5 minutes. INT. THE MANCHESTER SUITE JABE (looking at her computer): The metal machine confirms. The spider devices have infiltrated the whole of platform one. CASSANDRA: How's that possible? Our private rooms are protected by a code wall. Moisturize me, moisturize me. The Doctor takes the destabilized spider out of Jabe's hand. MOXX OF BALHOON: Summon the Steward! JABE: I'm afraid the Steward is dead. There is a general gasp of shock. MOXX OF BALHOON: Who killed him? CASSANDRA: This whole event was sponsored by the Face of Boe! He invited us! (Face of Boe shakes his head). Talk to the face! Talk to the face! THE DOCTOR: Easy way of finding out. Someone bought a little pet on board. (Shows them the spider). Let's send him back to Master. He places the spider down on the floor. The spider scuttles along to Cassandra and looks up at her. Cassandra looks shifty for a moment, but the spider moves on to the feet of the Adherents of the Repeated Meme. CASSANDRA: The Adherents of the Repeated Meme. J'accuse! THE DOCTOR: That's all very well, and really kind of obvious, but if you stop and think about it... The Adherents of the Repeated Meme tries to strike him, but he catches its arm and rips it off. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): A Repeated Meme is just an idea. And that's all they are. An idea. He rips a wire out of the arm and all of the Adherents of the Repeated Meme crumple into a bundle of black cloaks. Everyone gasps. Cassandra rolls her eyes. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Remote controlled Droids. Nice little cover for the real troublemaker. Go on, Jimbo! (Nudges spider with his foot). Go home! The spider ambles back over to Cassandra. CASSANDRA: I bet you were the school swot and never got kissed. The Doctor raises his eyebrows. CASSANDRA (CONT'D): At arms! The two bodyguards with canisters on either side of her raise their canisters. THE DOCTOR (mockingly): What are you going to do, moisturize me? CASSANDRA: With acid. Oh, too late anyway. My spiders have control of the mainframe. Oh, you all carried them as gifts, tax free, past every code wall. I'm not just as pretty face. THE DOCTOR: Sabotaging a ship while you're still inside it? How stupid's that? CASSANDRA: I'd hoped to manufacture a hostage situation with myself as one of the victims. The compensation would have been enormous. THE DOCTOR: Five billion years and it still comes down to money. CASSANDRA: Do you think it's cheap, looking like this? Flatness costs a fortune. I am The Last Human, Doctor. Me. Not that freaky little kid of yours. MOXX OF BALHOON: Arrest her! CASSANDRA: Oh, shut it, pixie. I've still got my final option. COMPUTER VOICE: Earth Death in 3 minutes. CASSANDRA: And here it comes. You're just as useful dead, all of you. I have shares in your rival companies and they'll triple in price as soon as you're dead. My spiders are primed and ready to destroy the safety systems. How did that old Earth song go? "Burn, baby, burn." JABE: Then you'll burn with us. CASSANDRA: Oh, I'm so sorry. I know the use of teleportation is strictly forbidden, but... I'm such a naughty thing. Spiders, activate. There are a series of explosions around the ship. CASSANDRA: Force fields gone with the planet about to explode. At least it'll be quick. Just like my fifth husband. (Giggles). Oh, shame on me. Buh-bye, darlings! Buh-bye, my darlings... She and her bodyguards teleport out. COMPUTER VOICE: Heat levels rising. MOXX OF BALHOON: Reset the computer! JABE: Only the Steward would know how. THE DOCTOR: No. We can do it by hand. There must be a system restore switch. Jabe, come on. They leave the room. He calls back the crowd over his shoulder. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): You lot - just chill! EXT. PLATFORM ONE COMPUTER VOICE: Earth Death in 2 minutes. Earth Death in 2 minutes. INT. MAINTENANCE CORRIDOR Jabe and the Doctor are running back through the maintenance corridor. COMPUTER VOICE: Heat levels, critical. Heat levels, critical. INT. VENTILATION CHAMBER. The Doctor and Jabe reach the ventilation chamber. THE DOCTOR: Oh. And guess where the switch is. The switch is located at the other side of the enormous fans. COMPUTER VOICE: Heat levels - rising. Heat levels, rising. The Doctor pulls a lever down and the fans slow down. COMPUTER VOICE (CONT'D): External temperature, 5 thousand degrees. As soon as the Doctor lets go of the lever, the fans start to speed up again. As the Doctor looks hopelessly at the fans, Jabe pulls the lever down again and holds it there. THE DOCTOR: You can't. The heat's going to vent through this place. JABE: I know. THE DOCTOR: Jabe, you're made of wood. JABE: Then stop wasting time. Time Lord. He grins at her and runs back to the fans. COMPUTER VOICE: Heat levels, rising. Heat levels, rising. INT. THE MANCHESTER SUITE The glass begins to crack. COMPUTER VOICE: Heat levels, hazardous. MOXX OF BALHOON: We're going to die! INT. VENTILATION CHAMBER COMPUTER VOICE: Heat levels, hazardous. The Doctor dodges the first fan and runs underneath it. He looks anxiously up at the next one. INT. VIEWING GALLERY The glass begins to crack. Rose cowers against the wall. COMPUTER VOICE: Shields malfunctioning. Shields malfunctioning. Rays of sun blast in through the cracks, burning holes in the parts of the metal wall they hit. Rose screams. INT. VENTILATION CHAMBER The Doctor is still standing before the second fan. He looks back at Jabe who is sweating and breathing heavily. COMPUTER VOICE: Heat levels, critical. Heat levels, critical. The Doctor dodges under the second fan. INT. THE MANCHESTER SUITE The glass cracks further, engulfing the Moxx of Balhoon in light. He cries out. INT. VIEWING GALLERY The sunrays hit the wall either side of Rose. COMPUTER VOICE: Heat levels, rising. Heat levels, rising. INT. VENTILATION CHAMBER As the Doctor stands before the third fan. Jabe starts shaking violently. Suddenly, she gasps as one of her hands catches fire. She screams. The Doctor looks back, shocked. Now there is no one to hold the lever down, the fans circulate so fast that they can hardly be seen, in order to cool the ship down. It is impossible for the Doctor to get through. INT. VIEWING GALLERY The walls around Rose are rapidly burning. INT. VENTILATION CHAMBER COMPUTER VOICE: Planet explodes in 10... 9... The Doctor closes his eyes. All grows quiet. COMPUTER VOICE (CONT'D): 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... The Doctor, still with his eyes closed, steps calmly though the fan. When at the other side, he opens his eyes and dashes to the switch, pulling it down. THE DOCTOR: Raise shields! INT. VIEWING GALLERY Rose has her eyes closed and is shaking. COMPUTER VOICE: ...1 EXT. PLATFORM ONE The force fields around the ships are reset just as the planet is engulfed in fire. It explodes, leaving the ship completely unharmed. INT. VIEWING GALLERY COMPUTER VOICE: Exoglass repair. Exoglass repair. The glass is automatically repaired. Rose opens her eyes, panting heavily. INT. VENTILATION CHAMBER The Doctor walks back through the fans. He pauses for a moment to look sadly at the charred and smoking remains of Jabe. INT. THE MANCHESTER SUITE Rose walks back into the observation gallery, where all the aliens are sitting around, wounded or dead. The Doctor walks briskly in a few moments later. He glances at Rose but does not pause to talk to her. Instead he goes straight to Jabe's companions, mutters a few words to them and then places his hands on their shoulders, leaving them to grieve. He then walks back near Rose. ROSE: You all right? THE DOCTOR: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm full of ideas, I'm bristling with them. Idea number one, teleportation through five thousand degrees needs some kind of feed. Idea number two, this feed must be hidden nearby. He strides over to the ostrich egg, breaks it open and the teleportation feed falls out. He picks it up. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Idea number three, if you're as clever as me, then a teleportation feed can be reversed. He twists the feed. Cassandra appears before them, apparently in the middle of gloating. CASSANDRA: Ah, you should have seen their little alien faces. (Notices her new surroundings). Oh. THE DOCTOR: The Last Human. CASSANDRA (flustered): So. You passed my little test. Bravo. This makes you eligible to join the er... the human club. THE DOCTOR: People have died, Cassandra. You murdered them. CASSANDRA: That depends on your definition of 'people'. And that's enough of a technicality to keep your lawyers dizzy for centuries. Take me to court then, Doctor! And watch me smile, and cry, and flutter... THE DOCTOR: And creak? CASSANDRA: And what? THE DOCTOR: Creak! You're creaking. Cassandra's skin is tightening. Her eyes are becoming bloodshot and she is getting whiter and whiter. CASSANDRA (panicking): What? Ah! Ah! I'm drying out! Oh, sweet heavens! Moisturize me! Moisturize me! Where are my surgeons? My lovely boys! It's too hot! She's covered in red blotches. THE DOCTOR: You raised the temperature. CASSANDRA (terrified, pathetic): Have pity! Moisturize me! Oh, Doctor! ROSE (shaken): Help her. THE DOCTOR: Everything has its time and everything dies. CASSANDRA (shrivelling up): I'm... too... young! She explodes. The Doctor looks completely cold and not remotely fazed. He leaves the room. EXT. PLATFORM ONE COMPUTER VOICE: Shuttles 4 and 6 departing. This unit now closing down for maintenance. INT. MANCHESTER SUITE The Manchester Sute is now completely empty apart from Rose, who is standing at the window watching the Earth burn with a very vulnerable and sad look on her face, oblivious to the Doctor watching her from the doorway. Rocks fly past the window. She turns around when she hears the Doctor's footsteps as he comes to stand beside her. ROSE (teafully): The end of the Earth. It's gone. And we were too busy saving ourselves, no one saw it go. (The Doctor looks down at her). All those years... all that history and no one was even looking. It's just... THE DOCTOR (holds his hand out to her). Come with me. Rose takes his hand and they walk away together. EXT. PICCADILLY CIRCUS Back in 2005, Rose steps out of the TARDIS. She looks around at the crowds, seeing them in a new light. The Doctor stands beside her. BIG ISSUE SELLER: Big issue! THE DOCTOR: You think it'll last forever. People, and cars and concrete. But it won't. One day, it's all gone. Even the sky. (They both look at the sky. After a moment). My planet's gone. Rose turns to look at him. This is the first time he's mentioned his home. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): It's dead. It burned like the Earth. It's just rocks and dust. Before it's time. ROSE: What happened? THE DOCTOR: There was a war. And we lost. ROSE: A war with who? He doesn't answer, seemingly lost in thought. ROSE (CONT'D): What about your people? THE DOCTOR: I'm a Time Lord. I'm the last of the Time Lords. They're all gone. I'm the only survivor. I'm left travelling on my own because there's no one else. ROSE: There's me... She smiles at him. THE DOCTOR: You've seen how dangerous it is. Do you want to go home? Rose looks at him for a few seconds. ROSE: I don't know. I want... (Sniffs the air). Oh! Can you smell chips? THE DOCTOR (laughs): Yeah. Yeah! ROSE: I want chips. THE DOCTOR (smiling): Me too. ROSE: Right then, before you get me back in that box, chips it is, and you can pay. THE DOCTOR: No money. ROSE: What sort of date are you? Come on then, tightwad, chips are on me. He smiles at her, delighted. ROSE (CONT'D): We've only got five billion years before the shops close... They walk down the street together laughing, Rose nuzzling her head against his shoulder.

The Doctor takes Rose to the year five billion, where they land on a space station orbiting the Earth named Platform One. Among the elite alien guests assembled to watch the Earth be destroyed by the expanding Sun is Lady Cassandra , who takes pride in being the last pure human, though she has received many operations that have altered her image. It is discovered that Cassandra, to receive money for her many operations, plans to let the guests die and then profit from the stock increases of their competitors. She releases discreet robotic spiders all over Platform One, and they start interfering with the systems. She departs via teleportation and the spiders bring down the shields, causing harmful direct solar radiation to penetrate the station. The Doctor manages to reactivate the system and save Rose, after which he brings Cassandra back and she ruptures from the intense solar heat.

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(Capeside High School - Dawson and Joey are walking down the hallway talking.) Joey: Correct me if I'm wrong Dawson, but don't you already own a camera? Dawson: A video camera, yeah. Joey: And the difference is? Dawson: Well, imagine Schindler's List shot on a family camcorder. Alright, I mean, it... video is a great format to learn on, but the look and the feel is strictly amateur. Film is key, and if we can find her we can give it another spin. Joey: "Her"? (They enter a room, not noticing Nikki, who is messing with a film camera.) Dawson: The Aeroflex. Capeside High's one and only 16mm camera. Nikki: She is a beauty, Dawson. Dawson: Nikki! Hey, what are you doing here? Nikki: Extra credit for joining this film class. Plus, I get to be near all the equipment. Dawson: Ah, how very earnest of you. Nikki: Joey, right? Joey: Right. Hey. I heard wonderful things about your film. Nikki: Really? From who? Dawson: Um, speaking of equipment, hand her over. Nikki: Sorry, Dawson, she's checked out. Dawson: That's highly unlikely... Nikki: Yet completely true. Dawson: Well, how long has it been checked out for? Nikki: About seven days. Dawson: Then it's due back today. Nikki: Nope. She's checked out for the next four weeks straight. Dawson: There's a one week maximum. Nikki: I cleared it with Mr Jordan. Dawson: You did. Nikki: Hmm-mmm. Dawson: You checked out the camera? Nikki: Me checked out the camera, yes. Dawson: Well, there's a project I want to start working on. Nikki: There's a project that I AM working on. Dawson: OK. Well then when can I have the camera back, exactly? Nikki: When I'm done. Dawson: And when will that be? Nikki: (rolling the camera out the door) Filmmaking is not fast food, Dawson. You can't rush it. (Commercial break. Grocery Store - Jack and Jen push a cart through the store, tossing items in as they walk down the aisle.) Jen: Wait a minute. Three boxes of cereal, Jack? You're gonna need an explanation before you put those in the cart. Jack: OK, fine. First, we have our Grape Nuts; combination of taste and sufficient nutrients to make the perfect day-starter. (tossing it in the cart) From there we move onto the premier afternoon snack. The, well, underrated, but, uh, ever-tasty, Cocoa Pebbles. (tossing it in the cart) And then, we round out the, uh, cereal lovers perfect day with a yummy, late-night staple... Captain Crunch! (tossing last box in) Jen: (removing the last two boxes) If there was ever a concern that you are not Andie McPhee's brother, it's been solved. Jack: Whoa! What are you...? Come on! Jen: You're a good man, Jackie Brown, but as a grocery shopper, you blow. I'm afraid I must leave you with the Grape Nuts. Jack: Fascist. Jen: (walking off to return the cereal) Pig. Ethan: (walking up) At least you fought the good fight. Hey Jack. Jack: Uh, Ethan. From the... from the train Ethan. Ethan: I prefer just plain Ethan. Jack: Wow, uh, what are you doing here? Ethan: Food shopping. I hear it's pretty standard in one of these places. Jack: Uh, I meant, I thought you were going back to school last weekend? Ethan: I did. I came back for Capefest. Jack: Oh. Uh... what is that, I mean, is... is it like a, uh, a feed the poor type of thing? Ethan: Which one of us lives here year 'round? It's a concert. A free concert in the park. Jack: Oh, OK, so it's like a Lala Palooza type deal? Ethan: Moshing, stage diving, overpriced bottled water. Anyway, umm, there's a camp site outside the concert where everyone hangs out. I'm going down to get a spot tomorrow. Jack: Oh, well cool, that sounds like a blast. Ethan: Well if you're a fan, you should come. Jack: Uh, yeah, I'm a total fan. Ethan: Telltale fan quiz: Who's your favourite Foo Fighter? Jack: Courtney Love. Ethan: You're in the alternative nation, just not quite in the right zipcode. (seeing Jack's dissapointment) You should come anyway. (As Ethan leaves, Jen walks up.) Jen: Cute! Jack: Yeah. Jen: Aren't they all. (Capeside High school - Andie walks up to a teacher who is closing up his classroom.) Andie: Excuse me, Mr. Broderick, can I speak with you for a minute? Mr Broderick: (rudely) And you are? Andie: Andie McPhee. Mr Broderick: And you want to waste my time about? Andie: The school play. Mr Broderick: I see. Auditions are after school, so if you don't mind... Andie: No, but if you can just give me a minute... Mr Broderick: I am not auditioning at this time, comprende? I am eating lunch. I assume you eat lunch on your planet, do you not? Andie: But I'm not here to audition. Mr Broderick: I know, you want to star in the show. Andie: (showing him the play flyer) Assistant Director. Mr Broderick: I'm very familiar with the scenario. Andie: Look, Mr Broderick, I want to be Assistant Director. I'm smart, bossy, and super efficient. And the truth is, you need me. Mr Broderick: Why didn't you just say so? (Leery Residence - Dawson and Joey walk into the house.) Dawson: (acting like Nikki) Filmmaking is not fast food, Dawson. Joey: She's entitled to the equipment too. Dawson: Look, if you check out a camera, you return the camera in a timely fashion, that's all I'm asking. (Joey follows Dawson into a family room empty of furniture. Gale is there picking up a box.) Dawson: Uh, mom? What's going on? Gale: Hey. Uh, look, honey, I'm going to be taking some furniture over to my place. Dawson: Oh, OK. Gale: Just from the family room and the guest room. It's part of the settlement. I asked your dad not to say anything because I wanted to explain myself. Dawson: Mom, you don't have to explain yourself, that's how it works. Gale: I need you to keep being as positive as you can be about this, honey. It's going to make it so much easier on all of us. Dawson: Well, I aim to please. Gale: Thank you for understanding. (Gale walks off with the box. Joey looks at Dawson, knowing he's very affected by this.) Joey: Do you want to talk? Dawson: (shrugs) What's there to say? Joey: About what you're feeling. Dawson: I'm thinking my parents are divorced and I'm glad it's finally over. Joey: Dawson, I said what you're feeling. Dawson: (walking away) I'm still working on that one. (Cape Fest - Jack and Jen are carrying their stuff, looking for a spot to camp out. Actually, Jack is just looking for Ethan.) Jack: This is gonna be great, I mean, sleeping out under the stars, fresh breeze off the ocean, call of the wild... Jen: It's the call of nature I'm worried about. Jack, where are the chemical toilets? Jack: I dunno. What do you say we set up here? Jen: God, I thought I'd go to extreme measures to get into some guy's pants. Jack: Whoa, whoa, whoa, I am not trying to get into his pants. For crying out loud, this is the first gay guy that I've actually conversed with, excuse me for wanting to get to know him. Jen: Jack, I know. Just be aware that you're venturing into new territory here. And that before you take this great big emotional leap, Jack, you should be willing to admit that you're taking it. Don't just try and brush it off as simply wanting to get to know somebody. Jack: I'm telling you, it's all it is. Jen: OK. Even still, take my advice - play it cool. Let him come to you. Jack: I think I'm gonna see if I can find him. (He walks off, leaving Jen with all the equipment.) (Capeside High Auditorium - The audtions have started, and quite frankly, they are terrible. Mr. Broderick and Andie make faces as the camera goes through various people reading lines off the script.) Student 1: (passionately) Okay Cory, maybe you're right, maybe love isn't enough, maybe two people should have to take more than a blood test... Student 2: (monotone) ...maybe love isn't enough... Student 3: Okay Cory, maybe you're right, maybe love isn't enough... Student 1: (passionately)...maybe two people should have to take more than a blood test, maybe they should be checked for common sense... Student 2: ...maybe they should be checked for common... Student 3: ...common sense, understanding... Student 1: ...maybe they should be checked for common sense, understanding, and emotional maturity. Student 4: (this one isn't nearly bad as the rest) Okay Cory, maybe you're right, maybe love isn't enough, maybe two people should have to take more than a blood test, maybe they should be checked for common sense, understanding and emotional maturity. Andie: (to Mr. Broderick) I like him. What do you think? Mr Broderick: I think I'm getting a migraine. Andie: I think he's got a certain dramatic flair. Mr Broderick: I've got someone else in mind. Andie: Who 'someone else'? We are out of someone else's. Mr Broderick: Granted, the boy I know is a deplorable student and he has the ethics of a billy goat. Andie: We've already cast our Cory and Valasgo, please don't let our only Paul slip away. Mr Broderick: Have no fear, Miss McPhee. I cut a deal with one of my students. The kid is a natural with comedy. Andie: Okay, Mr Broderick, if I may be so bold. From my limited perspective, I see but two kinds of actors - those with talent... and those with the ability to expand on that talent. Which requires maturity, which requires a sense of responsibility, which requires the ability to come both prepared and on time. Pacey: Hey you guys, I'm sorry I'm late. I'm here to read for the role of Paul. Pacey Witter. Mr Broderick: That's him, that's our Paul. (Andie has this, 'you gotta be kidding' look on her face. Nikki's House - she is sitting on a porch swing reading when Dawson walks up.) Nikki: Dawson, tell me this isn't an attempt to repossess the camera. Dawson: I just want to reiterate something. Nikki: Reiterate away. Dawson: Okay, I get this little ego trip. I know you're the principal's daughter, but that does not give you the right to be selfish or rude... Nikki: Dawson. I didn't know you wanted to use the camera. But... you're just gonna have to get used to it. Principal Greene: I thought I heard a familiar sounding voice. If it isn't my second favourite student filmmaker. How are you, Dawson? Dawson: Principal Greene. Good. Principal Greene: So I understand you and Nikki have become fast friends. Dawson: Yeah, yeah. Principal Greene: I had a feeling you two would hit it off. Hey listen, why don't you stay and join us for supper? Dawson: I couldn't, I gotta... Nikki: Oh, Daddy, I'm sure Dawson has other plans. Principal Greene: Now wait a minute. As your father and as your principal, I think I'm gonna have to pull rank here. Besides, how often do I get a chance to have a nice meal with one of my students? And I promise not to talk too much about my lovely little daughter. Come on. (Dawson follows the two inside. Cape Fest - Jack is looking for Ethan.) Ethan: (up in a tree, what is now a hippy?) Hey there. So you decided to show. Jack: One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. Ethan: You here by yourself, or with? Jack: Um, with... a girl. She's, uh, a friend of mine. She's setting up our tent. What about you? Ethan: All by my lonesome. Jack: Umm, ah... Ethan: So, you want to go grab a bite to eat, take a walk, what? Jack: Yeah. Uh, to both. Whatever. Ethan: Come on, I'll lead the way. (Scene cuts to Jack and Ethan walking on the beach talking.) Ethan: After the train ride I thought for sure you'd ask for my number. Jack: Yeah well, typical paranoia set in. Hey, what can I say? Ethan: I figured as much. Jack: How come you didn't ask for mine? Ethan: Because I could. It's more important that you learn to ask. You're the newbie, remember? Jack: Yeah, newbie. Barely 'outed' gay kid soon to have his heart broken, right? Ethan: Good recall! Jack: Well there's not much I'm gonna forget about that conversation, it was a first for me. Ethan: It was your first time talking to another gay kid? Jack: Yeah, well, unless you count the Internet. Ethan: I... I don't. (Cape Fest - Jen is wrestling with the tent when a kid walks by eating a burger. Jen looks hungrily at him.) Jen: Hey man, where'd you get that? Guy: (pointing behind him) Over there. This guy's like a genius with a veggie burger. (Jack walks up to a crowd of people, someone yelling "Veggie burgers! Get 'em while they're hot!". As the crowd parts, Henry is seen behind a BBQ grill, making burgers. He doesn't notice Jen.) Henry: (not looking up) You want your bun toasted? Jen: I thought you'd never ask. (Hearing Jen's voice, he looks up at her.) Jen: Hey. Henry: (softly) Hey. Jen: It's quite a crowd you have here. Henry: Listen, I... I really don't have time for small talk at the moment. Did... did you want a burger, or not? Jen: Yes. (pause) You know, I was wondering if you could give me a hand with my tent. I was never much of a girl scout. (Jen smiles at him, but Henry doesn't return one.) Henry: Stanley? Take over here for a minute, will you? (He follows Jen as she walks back to her tent.) Jen: So you never told me you were a vegetarian. Henry: You never asked. Jen: Do I detect a note of ambivalence in seeing me? Henry: That would be correct. Jen: Any particular reason? Henry: You... you mean besides the fact that you led me on for the sole purpose of crushing me underfoot? Jen: That's not true Henry, and you know it. Henry: Well, you could have fooled me. Jen: What are you talking about? Henry: Don't tell me that you're not taking some small satisfaction in... Jen: In what? Henry: Being on the requited side of unrequited love. Jen: Henry, I thought that you and I agreed to be friends? Henry: Friends? You haven't even noticed, have you? Jen: What? Noticed what... Henry: That we haven't even spoken in over a month. For the past four weeks I've been giving you the silent treatment, and it hasn't even registered on your radar screen. Hell, I could have fallen off a cliff ten thousand feet for all you care... Jen: That's not true... Henry: You know what? You can put up your own damned tent. (Henry walks off, leaving Jen quite confused. Principal Green's House - the three are sitting at the table eating.) Principal Greene: Dawson, you're looking at possibly the only little girl in America who wanted a super eight camera for her tenth birthday. Nikki, should I tell him the name of your first cinematic achievement? Nikki: Oh, don't you dare! Principal Greene: 'A Day in the Life of Daddy'. She followed we around all day long. Nikki: James Cameron of third grade. Principal Greene: So tell me, has she enlisted your for her new film? Dawson: Uh, no, she hasn't. I don't even know what it's about. Nikki: That's between me and my crew. Dawson: So in order to bask in the glory of this mind-bending idea of yours, I have to offer my services? Nikki: Is that an offer? Dawson: Are you asking for my help? Nikki: I don't need any help, Dawson. Principal Greene: I think it would be a great idea for you two to work together. Nikki: Forget it. Dawson: I don't think that... Principal Greene: Sorry I mentioned it. Dawson: Yep. (Cape Fest - Jack and Ethan are walking off the beach back into the camp sites.) Jack: You knew that young you were attracted to men? Ethan: No, I knew that young that I was different. Being gay isn't about what s*x you're attracted to, it forms so much of what and who you are. Jack: You lost me. Ethan: I'll make it simple. You haven't talked to another gay kid, so you definitely haven't kissed one, right? Jack: No. Ethan: But you still know you're gay. Jack: Sure. Ethan: How? Jack: I just know, I guess. Ethan: Everyone always wants to define gay and straight by who you sleep with. It's not about that. It... it's about moments, it's about being too nervous to ask for my number. It's about conversations like this, alright? It's about who and what you love, and that's why you can't erase it, because it's not just a part of your life... it's everywhere. (look at his camp site) Unlike my stuff. Jack: What? Ethan: My camping gear. It's gone. (Capeside High Hallway- They both come around different corners, about to walk up the stairs.) Pacey: Well, after you. Andie: I want you to quit. Pacey: Listen, he saw my potential, okay? Andie: No, no, no, no, no. This was my after school activity. Pacey: But I'm the lead in the play. Andie: I want you to quit! Pacey: Listen, the guy said he'd give me a C in English, what do you want? Andie: Oh, and that's what it's come to? Anything for a C? What's happened to you? Pacey: OK. Not that any of this is your concern, but Mr Broderick says he thinks I might actually be good at this and so do I. Andie: OK, listen. Mr Broderick may be a lousy English teacher, but as a theatre director, he is probing new lows, Pacey. Rumour has it that he has botched every school play for the past five years. And, it's only been by sheer force of will that the past student theatre geeks have managed to sandbag his bi-hourly nervous breakdowns. Pacey: So what's your point? Andie: My point is, I got into this to get over you, okay? To give myself a new focus, and instead your presence is giving me perpetual myopia. Pacey: What? We haven't even done one rehearsal yet. You want me to throw my whole theatre career to the wind? Andie: Ooh. OK, listen, Sir Barrymore, our director is irrational. And your lack of ability, though not apparent to him yet, is enough to send him over the proverbial edge, and me with him. Pacey: Fine. You quit then. Andie: I most certainly will not... Pacey: I'm not going to quit. Witter's aren't quitters. Andie: Oh, oh that's really cute. You know what? Fine, just... don't. Pacey: Fine. I won't. (Principal Green's house - Dawson enters Nikki's bedroom to get his coat, but then stops to notice the decor. Nikki enters.) Nikki: Dawson? Dawson: Hey. I must say, film-geekdom is definitely not evident in your bedroom decor. Nikki: Your room, let me guess? Wall-to-wall Spielberg film sheets? Dawson: Ahhh, yeah. More or less a shrine. Nikki: I figured as much. Dawson: You say that like it's a bad thing. Nikki: Oh, it's not, it's just... there's so much to be passionate about, it seems kind of silly to focus on just one. Dawson: Yeah, but if you're lucky enough to find that one thing, why not immerse yourself in it? Nikki: Don't get me wrong, Dawson, I love film. But I love it because it allows me to explore all of the other subjects that interest me. If all you care about is film, then you're just going to end up making movies about other movies. What good is that? I'm really sorry about my father. Um, ever since the divorce, he does this really aggressive thing when it comes to me making friends. It's so weird. But, you know, I try to cut him some slack. Dawson: So, so you're cool with it? The... the divorce? Nikki: Ummm, constant shuttling between living quarters? The continually veiled and not so veiled comments my parents make about each other? The, umm, never-ending expectation that I look on the bright side of things? Oh, sure, I'm just dandy. Dawson: That's the oddest thing. I mean, judging from how well put-together you come off, I would have just assumed that you were not affected by it all. Nikki: It's a well crafted disguise, Dawson. Inside, I'm just another angry kid. Dawson: How angry? Nikki: Angry enough to make a film about it. Dawson: So that's what your movie's about? Nikki: More or less. It's about the, ummm, "American Family". What makes them functional, or as more often seems to be the case, dysfunctional. Dawson: That should provide you with a healthy supply of material there. Nikki: What about you? Your parents are divorced. How do you feel about it? Dawson: Ummm... Nikki: I, ummm, I didn't mean to probe. I'm sorry. Dawson: No, no. I mean, you... you were honest with me, right? Ummm, truth is, most of the time I'm fine with them not being together. You know, I mean, maybe I'm just... self-obsessed, but I... I just don't think about it that much, you know? And then, ummm, other times it... it just kinda sneaks up on you, you know? I mean, it's... like a disappointment of being the product of something that didn't work out. Because that's what our parents are. They're our... our primary examples of love, and... in my example it just wasn't I guess, strong enough to... Umm... (he stands to leave) Nikki: Dawson? Dawson: Yeah, I should keep going. Ummm, tell you dad thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] (Cape Fest - Jen sits on the tent which she obviously had no success with. Jack walks up.) Jen: Oh, Jack, thank God you're back from your stalk... walk. You're never going to guess who I ran into here of all... (she sees Ethan behind Jack) Hi. Ethan: Hello. Jack: Ethan, Jen. Jen, Ethan. Jen: Nice to meet you. Ethan: It's nice to meet you. Looks like you could use a little help with this tent. Jen: Yes. Please. Relieve me of all of my feminist delusions about the equality of the sexes concerning spatial relations. Jack: Uh, listen (he pulls Jen off a bit, out of hearing range of Ethan) All of his stuff got stolen, okay, all his gear. So, uhh, he needs a place to stay tonight. Jen: And you, being the kind-hearted soul that you are, offered him a spot in our tent. Jack: Yeah, so could you, uhhh, go take a walk for a couple of hours? Come back around, say, midnight? Jen: You're kidding me? Jack: No. Go mix, mingle. Write a few letters for Amnesty International. You'll probably make a lot of nice new friends. Jen: You know what, I got a better idea. How about me and the car, we go back to Grams' house and we pick you up in the morning? Besides Jack, I thought that you two were just getting to know each other. Jack: Hmm-mm. (Disgusted, Jen walks off. Suddenly she hears music and she walks over to a camp fire where people are listening to someone play the guitar. Jen finally realizes it's Henry.) Henry: (singing) Well we busted out of class. had to get away from those feelings, we learned more from a three-minute record, baby, than we ever learned in school Tonight I hear the neighbourhood drummer sound, I can feel my heart begin to pound, you say you're tired and you just want to close your eyes, and follow your dreams down (chorus) well we made a promise we swore we'd always remember no retreat, baby, no retreat (Jen watches with a smile on her face. Capeside High Auditorium - Play rehearsal has begun. Pacey is sitting at a table, opposite another actress.) Pacey: (reading script very monotone) It's not that kind of club. It's a locker room and a hand-ball court, and to sleep there I'd have to keep winning the serve... Mr Broderick: No, stop, right there. Pacey, in theory your character may deliver his lines like that, but in concept, no. Pacey: In concept, no? Mr Broderick: Yes. Pacey: Well, what precisely is the difference between 'in theory; and 'in concept'? Andie: Well, I think what Mr Broderick means is... Mr Broderick: What Mr Broderick means is that he can speak for himself. You see, Paul desires his young bride to know she knows nothing of the real world. Pacey: Right. Which practically speaking, means what? Mr Broderick: Louder, and angrier. Pacey: Louder and angrier? Mr Broderick: Yes. Let's do it again, right now. Louder, and angrier. Pacey: (yelling, very angry, totally not right) It's not that kind of club! It's a handball court with a locker room, and to stay there I'd have to keep winning the serve! Mr Broderick: Good. I liked it. Pacey: (surprised) You liked that? Mr Broderick: Well, except for the hand stuff. (to Pacey) You were gesticulating. Pacey: (Pacey leans back in his chair with his feet up on the table) Whoa, hey, gesticulating? Me, never. I mean, sometimes in the privacy of my own home... Andie: Wh.. wait, Pacey. That, just now, that's it. You nailed it. Pacey: What 'just now'? Andie: The joke. The dry, smug delivery. That's the character. Mr Broderick: Wha... Miss McPhee? Am I, or am I not the director here? You're confusing my actors. Andie: Well, I just thought that... Mr Broderick: Don't think. Ever. (to the actors) Let's do it again. Louder, and angrier. Pacey: (extremely angry and pounding the table) It's not that kind of club! It's a hand-ball court with a locker room attached to it, and to stay there I'd have to keep winning the serve! (Cape Fest - Jack and Ethan stand outside the finally put up tent.) Ethan: This is really cool of you guys. I... you're sure Jen's not going to mind if I take her sleeping bag? Jack: Definitely not. She's, uh, she's a bit of a night owl. Ethan: Old girlfriend? Jack: Nah, not exactly. (they go inside the tent) But we did get set-up once. Ethan: Let me guess? School dance? Jack: Yeah. How'd you know? Ethan: The punchbowl, wrist corsage, all the trappings of straight-dom. Until you realise you both like boys. Oldest story in the world. (Ethan gets into Jen's sleeping bag.) Ethan: Well, goodnight. Jack: (disappointed) Ah, goodnight. Ethan: (looking at the lantern) Aren't you going to turn off the light? Jack: Look, I... I was thinking, maybe, um, you know, we could talk... some more. Ethan: You know what? I'm really beat. We got a big day ahead of us tomorrow. Twenty bands starting at daybreak. (Jack, still disappointed, turns the light off and lays his head down. Outside, Jen walks over to Henry who is packing his guitar up.) Jen: Hey. Ummm, that was really beautiful. I mean, that was more than beautiful, it was... it was awesome. Henry: Whatever. Jen: I didn't know that you could sing? Henry: I thought we established that there's a lot you don't know about me. (walking off) Jen: Henry, Henry wait up for me. Henry: Why? Jen: Because I wanted to talk to you. Henry: Look, you can't... you can't keep doing this to me. Jen: Doing what? Henry: Trying to be my friend and then pushing me away wh... when my feelings scare you. Jen: OK, I admit it. I miss you. I miss the goofy way that you used to look at me with all that passion and intensity. It made me feel that I was actually worth the fuss. Henry: You know, I used to spend every day thinking about you, and dreaming about you. And every time you walked by, I lost myself. Do you know what that feels like? Do you? Jen: No. Henry: Then you couldn't possibly know what it feels like to have that person not have the same feelings back. Look, I'm sorry you miss how I looked at you. But I don't miss how you never looked at me. (He walks off, leaving Jen there alone. Dawson's Bedroom - He is taking his posters down when Joey enters through the window.) Joey: Have I stepped into some parallel universe? Say it isn't so, Dawson. Dawson: It's very so, Jo. Joey: Is this about your parents? Dawson: Truth me told... I don't know what it's about. All I know, is I was at Nikki's house today and we were talking, and it hit me. The kid who hung these posters up... I'm not him any more. I don't see the world the same way. My viewpoint was so limited, and now I... I don't know what I see, but I don't see this. Joey: So you were at Nikki's house? Your worst enemy? Dawson: Hey, she's not my worst enemy. Have you missed everything that I've just told you? Joey: I never thought that I'd say this about you Dawson, but, you're such a sell out. Dawson: What? Joey: I mean, first Eve practically tugs you around town by a dog collar, and now this new film girl breezes into town and you're tossing your identity out the window. Dawson: I'm not tossing my identity out the window. If anything, for the first time in my life, I'm actually getting closer to discovering what my identity is, alright? I talked to Nikki; she helped me sort through all the crap with my parents. Joey: Dawson, I wanted to talk to you about that and you didn't want to talk. Dawson: No, I didn't. How did this become all about you? Joey: Because you ran to her! Dawson: (yelling) I did not! Joey: (yelling also) What did you do then? Dawson: Look, you want to site this for a friendship, try this on for size, Joey? Every time I express one iota of interest, or even respect, for anyone else of the opposite s*x, you attack me like I'm some sort of criminal. Joey: And you don't attack me? Dawson: No, I don't. As you've noticed, I have not once asked about Mr. Ivy League. Joey: Yeah, that's noted. His name is A.J, okay? And maybe you're not asking about him is worse than my attacking you, okay? Dawson: No, it's not. My choice is civil. Joey: And I'm not civil? Dawson: No, you're yelling. That's not civil. Joey: You're yelling too! (Dawson realises he is and stops.) Joey: Out with the old, in with the new, huh? Have fun. (Joey crawls out the window and Dawson goes over and slams it shut. Cape Fest - the following day, Jack and Ethan climb out of the tent.) Jack: Well, I'm gonna go grab some breakfast before the music starts. Ethan: Thanks again for letting me crash here. Jack: Sure. Ethan: Aren't you forgetting something you're supposed to ask me for? Jack: I don't think so. Ethan: My number, Jack. You know, so you can call me sometime, we can talk, get together. Jack: I don't get this. I mean, last night, you didn't seem interested enough to want to talk to me, and now all of a sudden you want me to have your number? Ethan: I was tired. I wanted to sleep. That's got nothing to do with us being friends. Jack: Friends? Ethan: I figured you were probably interested. Jack: You're not? Ethan: Even if I was, I would never go there with you, you're so not ready. Jack: How could you possibly know what I'm ready for? Ethan: It doesn't mean that I'm not interested in you, Jack. It just means that if I'm gonna stay in your life, and I want to, then I'm a lot more likely to stick around this way. Jack: So, you are interested? Ethan: (smiles) No comment. Jack: Wow, this is, uh, this is sort of funny. I mean, as much as I didn't want to admit it, you were the first guy that I was ready to take that... that next step with, and you said no. I guess I should be somewhat discouraged. I don't know, I mean, I keeps me really optimistic just to know that there's someone like you out there. (Ethan writes his number on a pad.) Ethan: (giving Jack the pad) Take care, Jack. (Capeside High Auditorium - All the actors sit around, waiting for the director.) Girl: I had a date. I ditched a perfectly good date for a non-rehearsal. Andie: Okay, be patient. He'll show. Guy: Oh, joy, then we can do more "louder, angrier!" Pacey: Well, why not just start without the grand poo-bah? I mean, Andie's here, she can direct us. Andie: How about not. I've been in the dungeon enough, thank you. Pacey: What? All we're gonna do is run through a few lines. Besides, wasn't it you who said this is actually your after-school activity? Hmm? Andie: Okay, fine. Pacey, do your dead-pan thing. Cory, when the phone rings I want you to do just like the stage directions, you know, confidential, umm, laughing at times, provocative, okay? Okay, on my direction. Okay. And... begin. (Cape Fest - Jen walks around when she notices Henry drinking coffee on the back of a truck bed.) Henry: (pointing) The stage is over there. You lost or something? Jen: Kinda. Actually, I came here to apologise. Henry: For what? Jen: For being callous with your heart. For thinking that just because I'm older, I knew better. Last night, I stayed up all night thinking about what you said, and... you're right. I don't know what it's like to be in love like that. I don't know what it's like to completely lose yourself in somebody else. But I'd like to. And if one of us is younger than the other here, I don't think that it's you, Henry. Henry: You got that right. Now... (holding up the coffee pot) how do you like your coffee? (Capeside High Auditorium - Rehearsel is still going on. Everything looks clean and well acted.) Girl/Cory: You can't say that we didn't try. Pacey/Paul: Yeah, almost two whole weeks. Girl/Cory: It's better than finding out in two years. (Mr. Broderick, who is standing at the back, begins clapping.) Mr Broderick: I like it. I like where this is going. Pacey: Yeah, we started running it with Andie, and... Mr Broderick: All those exercises I've been throwing out at you to stretch you range, they're paying off beautifully. Girl/Cory: Mr Broderick, we ran through those with Andie... Mr Broderick: I like the pacing, I like the funny, I like the energy. Andie, get me the set designs, would you please. Pacey: I'm telling you, all those things were Andie's ideas. Mr Broderick: Yes, sir. I mean, I... I was beginning to doubt myself there for a moment, but you guys are definitely in the groove. The rest is just grunt work, memorisation, pacing... the easy stuff. (He looks at the designs that Andie has returned with.) Mr Broderick: Andie, these aren't the set designs that we discussed. Andie: They are. I told Lauren you wanted a completely simplistic set. Freestanding doorways, hanging windows, and minimal props. Mr Broderick: Well then I changed my mind, didn't I? I mean, the... the actors will send this stuff flying around like a trapeze. Andie: No, no, no, Mr Broderick, we don't... Mr Broderick: Andie, don't argue, just follow orders. (to the actors) Alright. Let's run the scene again. Same way, no changes. (Andie walks off, slamming the designs on a table before exiting the theatre. Pacey follows her.) Pacey: Andie, you can't leave like this, alright? You said yourself that this guy thinks he's God's gift. He's just terrified that someone's going to find out that that he's not. Andie: No, I can't work under these conditions, okay, it's hard enough as it is. Pacey: Okay, alright, if it's hard, I'll quit. Andie: You can't do that. I mean, you're... you're actually good. Pacey: (smiles) Thank you. But the fact still remains that you're better, alright? We need you in there even if that guy's a jerk. You gotta stick it out. I mean, I need you, McPhee. Andie: What am I supposed to do? Resume kissing his ass? Pacey: Yeah, basically. Andie: Well, is he going to stay out of my way? Pacey: Who Broderick? You're talking crazy talk, he'd never do anything like that. It'd be too easy. Andie: Alright then, what's in it for me? Pacey: Well that depends. I mean, are we talking in concept or in theory? (She smiles at him.) Pacey: Alright, what's the verdict, yes or no? Andie: I thiiinnnkkkk... no. Pacey: Alright, good. I mean, you know actually, that's kinda what I expected you to say, so, um (he walks up the stairs) I'll see you at rehearsal then. Andie: What? No, Pacey, I said no. Pacey: I'm sorry, what did you... I can't hear you. It's good to hear you're so fired up about this project. Andie: Pacey, I said no. Pacey: ...it's good. Andie: Oh, Pacey, I said no. (Cape Fest - Jen and Jack are in final stages of packing the tent up.) Jen: So all your efforts to secure some major scam time with the new beau backfired? Jack: Yeah, well, it turns out that the gay version of the 'let's be friends' speech is basically the same as the straight version. Jen: Hmm. So would that mean that the part when you were rude and insensitive, and sent me off into the cold dark night unescorted... that was all for nothing? Jack: 'Rude' is such a... a strong word. I... I prefer something more like, uh, momentarily self-involved? Jen: Now that does have a certain ring to it. Jack: Am I forgiven? Jen: Yes, Jack, you are forgiven. You know, it's a happy turning point in a girls life when her gay best friend finally dumps her for another boy. They should make some sort of greeting card for that. Jack: Wh... hold on, what happened? Jen: What? Jack: You're good attitude. I mean, you're wigging me out here. Explain. What did I miss? Jen: Well, remember when you sent me off into the night and told me to make new friends? Jack: Yes! I thought we already established that was not my finest hour. Jen: I know. Well, let's just say that... that while I was wondering around I may have... inadvertently stumbled upon somebody. Jack: A, uhh... friend? Jen: Yep. Jack: Anyone I know? Jen: Yeah. Yeah, most definitely someone that you know. Jack: Well who is it? Jen: I'm not telling. Jack: Who is it? Jen: Uh-uh. (Jack tickles Jen, trying to force it out of her.) Jen: You're not getting it out of me! (Dawson's Bedroom - Dawson lays on his bed when a knock is heard at the window.) Joey: Do I still have ladder privileges? Dawson: I suppose so. (Joey climbs inside holding a rolled up sheet.) Joey: I come bearing gifts. (She unrolls the poster. It is a John Lennon "Imagine" poster.) Joey: Do you remember? Do you remember that summer we came across a pile of Mitch and Gale's old Beatles albums, and listened to them on the porch everyday for hours? Dawson: Grams kept on yelling for us to turn down that hippy music. Joey: Yeah... and you wanted to be John Lennon. You wanted to write songs and change the world with your music. Dawson: I did? Joey: You did. You weren't just about Spielberg. You weren't limited. You... you were about so many things. I just wanted to remind you of that.(hands the poster to Dawson) I also wanted to remind you that, even though sometimes my emotions, particularly jealousy, uhh, sometimes get the best of me, I still hear you. No matter how much we yell, or, no matter how quiet you are. I hear you, Dawson. Dawson: I hear you too, Joey. Joey: Listen, I know what's going inside of you is huge. It's okay if you don't share it with me. Just promise me you'll keep trying to share it with someone? Dawson: (gesturing the poster) Do you want to give me a hand? (They both climb on the bed and hang it up.) Dawson: Hmm. So what do you think? You think John here will inspire me to walk my own path? Joey: You've always walked your own path, Dawson. You just needed to widen it a little. And be on the look out for your Yoko.

Dawson experiences an identity crisis when Nikki emerges as filmmaking competition, and Joey experiences her own crisis when Dawson won't open up to her about the pain of his parents' divorce. Meanwhile, Jack's first efforts to hit on another boy are rebuffed, Pacey and Andie uncomfortably find themselves sharing the same after school activity, and Jen finally sees that she may have passed up the chance at something special with Henry.

fd_The_Office_03x13

fd_The_Office_03x13_0

Michael: Jim, could you come in here please? Harvey: Hi, Jim. Jim: Hello. Harvey: I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks. Michael: Sorry, oh wow, that's so rude. I'm sorry, I can't control him. Jim: Yeah, you can. Michael: You know what? Get Pam. Jim: For this? Michael: Pam. Harvey: Pam, you look very hot today. Jim: Pam, meet Harvey. This is Michael's new friend. Pam: Great. Harvey: Me so horny. Me love you long tim. Michael: Oh, that is gross. Pam: Who is 'Long Tim'? Michael: Damn it. Harvey: Long time. Me lobe yoy long time. Jim: Oh well, 'Yoy' should bring in 'Long Tim' in one day. Shouldn't he? Pam: I would love to meet Long Tim. Jim: Yeah. Right? Pam: Yeah. Harvey: You ruined a funny joke, you. Get out of my offive. Jim: Ok. Pam: Ok. Bye Harvey. Harvey: Boobs. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Angela. Angela: What? Kevin: That was a voicemail that corporate left last night. They did not get our tax forms. Did you send them? Angela: They arrived this morning. Kevin: Are you sure? It is a big deal. Angela: Is it a big deal? Is it Kevin? Kevin: ... Do you really not know? Because it is a big deal. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Five of us transferred from Stamford. There are two of us left. Me and Karen. It's like we are touring Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and dropping off one by one. Well, guess what? I am not falling in a chocolate river. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Everything ok? [Takes candy from Pam's desk] Dwight: Everything is fine. You are in the clear. Angela: Thank you. [Puts candy back] I... I don't want those. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Dwight, care to join us, finally? Thank you. Andy: Hey Dwight, pass the tardy sauce. Get it Michael? Michael: Yes. Ok, here is the dream team. My sales dream team. Today we are going to team up for sales calls. Andy, since this was your idea, you get to pick first. Andy: Hmmm, well... let me think about this for a minute. Oh, I don't know. Michael Scott. Michael: Oh. Andy: Ph. D. Doctor of Sales. Michael: Well, I appreciate that. That is very gracious of you. Andy: Well, it is very gracious of you to accept. Michael: Well, thank you sir. Ok, now going by seniority. Phyllis, our resident senior. Phyllis: We're the same age and I'll pick... Karen. Karen: Oh, uh, thanks. Michael: Good. Next up, Superfly himself, Stanley. Stanley: Pass. Michael: You can't pass. You've got to pick somebody. Stanley: ... I'll take the kid. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: I am very flattered. I was his second choice after "Pass." [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: So that just leaves Dwight and Jim. Dwight: Ok, wait. Does anyone want to trade? Jim: Yup. I'll trade. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Dwight and I used to go on sales calls all the time. In fact, I have a picture to remember that time. Oh young Jim. There is just so much I need to warn you about. And yet, tragically, I cannot. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Sebring by Chrysler. Heck of a... motor... carriage. Michael: Dwight? Dwight: Yup? Michael: Here ya go. [throws laundry] Dwight: Yeah! You want shirts on hangers? Michael: Please. Andy: He does your laundry? Michael: Long story. All right everybody, circle up. Here we go. You know what this is? This is the "Amazing Race." [To Ryan and Stanley] And you guys are the retired marines. [To Phyllis and Karen] And you guys are the mother and daughter. [To Dwight and Jim] And you guys are the gay couple. And we are the firefighter heroes. Are we ready to go? Karen: Wait, "Amazing Race" like, the biggest sale wins? Michael: No, we're just going to rush out, do the sales thing, and come back. Ryan: Is there a prize? Michael: Just bragging rights. Phyllis: Then how is this "Amazing Race"? Michael: It's just... brrrrrr... It's "Amazing Race," Phyllis. Okay? We're in teams of two and we are on a mission. All right, so, on your mark, get set, go. Let's do it. Dwight: Come on!! Phyllis: Michael. [Michael throws Phyllis' keys under the car.] Michael: Whoah, whoah. Oh hahahaha. Vamanos! Andy: Bueno. Phyllis: Do you have a pole? Karen: Let's go get a broom. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Seriously? You're going to sit in the back? Dwight: Uh, yeah. It's the safest part of the car. In the event of a crash, the driver always protects his side of the car first. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Here we go. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: In order to take down Dwight, I have to chip away at his ally, which, in this case, is Michael. Here's the good news. Every success I've ever had at my job or with the lady-folk has come from my ability to slowly and painfully wear someone down. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: What's the deal with Dwight doing your laundry? Michael: Ugh... that is a long story. Um, couple of months ago, Dwight tried to go behind my back with Jan and get my job and I am now having him do my laundry as punishment. Andy: Wow, that is a long story, but quite well told, Michael. I find it very interesting. Especially about the part Dwight going behind your back and basically, like, being a terrible person. You know if you want your laundry done right? I used to work at Abercrombie. So, pretty good folder. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Hey Pam. Would you like to go with me to grab a coffee? Pam: Really? Angela: Yeah, I could use some fresh air. Might be fun. Pam: Ok. Sure. Angela: Ok. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: Why are we turning in here, this is a beauty salon? Phyllis: Um-hmmm. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Hey, do you mind if I take the lead on this one and then you can critique me after? Stanley: You want the lead? Ryan: Yeah, if you don't mind. Stanley: Mind? Nothing would delight me more. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Leave the keys. Jim: You still do that thing? Dwight: Leave the keys! [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I think you have assembled an amazing team at Scranton. It's really a pleasure to be a part of it. It's like, everyone has their own special skill, you know, just like the Superfriends. Except for Dwight, who is more like a SuperDud. I mean, he would be a Superfriend if there was a Superfriend whose super power was always being late. You know? Michael: Hawkman. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: My plan is taking longer than I thought but I don't give up easily. I have walked two marathons. Michael: [Walks out of the Ladies' Restroom] Let's go. The men's room was disgusting. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: After you sir. Dwight: No thank you, I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear. Jim: Ok, well, that still leaves a 30% chance that I will attack you from the front. Dwight: Uh, yeah, but it will be easier to stop. I can always block the blow. I can counter it with... [Jim slaps Dwight] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Angela, you seem so happy. I bet you wish you were like this all the time. Angela: This friend of mine - let's call her Noelle - she missed this deadline turning something in to Corporate in New York. But then this gallant gentleman - we'll call him Kurt - he drove all the way to New York and handed it in for her. That's... I don't know. I guess he really just likes her a lot. Pam: That's great. Angela: Yes, it is. [Walks up to the counter where there is no employee] Hello? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey, did you catch that up at Lake Wallenpaupack? Buyer: Yep. Michael: You know, I used to go up there all the time with my step-dad, and I never caught anything that big. Andy: Caught an eighty-pound shark off of Montauk. It's in the Hamptons. My dad's got a 42-ft Bayliner. Sniped it with a rifle from the crow's nest. Also shot a deer once. Michael: You know what? Let's get right down to it. Dunder-Mifflin may be just two rooms and a warehouse, but what we lack in flash, we will make up for with hardwork and decency. Andy: Ok, this is the classic undersell because you should know we don't work out of a log cabin. We trade on the New York Stock Exchange. Ever heard of it? It's in New York. Buyer: Uh, I have to say I am a little wary with getting involved with a big company. We've had some problems in the past. Michael: I think what Andy is trying to express is that while we have the resources of a large company, we will give you the care and attention of a small company. Andy: Oh, man, that is, like, poetry. Michael: No. Andy: I swear, this guy could sell paper to a tree. Michael: Stop it. [Puts his hand on Andy's shoulder] Stop it. Andy: Ow. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Newpeat Quote ] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. [excited] This is Pam. I did? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Oh man. Talk about your classic "Lame dash O." Do we even want that guy buying our paper? Michael: Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I... I'm so sorry man. I really screwed that up. Michael: Ah, no. Don't worry about it. Andy: I really 'Schruted' it. Michael: What? Andy: 'Schruted' it. It's just this thing that people say around your office all the time. Like, when you screw something up in a really irreversible way, you 'Schruted' it. I don't know where it comes from though. Do you think it comes from Dwight Schrute? Michael: I don't know. Who knows how words are formed. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: It's a big order. Thanks Kenny. Karen: Yeah, thank you. Phyllis: Hey, how's Annie? Kenny: Oh, she's great. This is us last year in Bermuda. Lovely place. You ever been to Bermuda? [SCENE_BREAK] Julius: Stanley Hudson. Stanley: Ah, Julius, how's it goin'? Julius: Great, great, great. Guy: Stanley. Stanley: So good to see you too. I'd like you fellas to meet Ryan Howard. Ryan: Hi. Stanley: I'm gonna let Ryan do a little pitch for you while I do my crossword. Ryan? Ryan: Um... [To the Buyers] Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Julius: Hello, Ryan. What do you have for us? Ryan: Oh... [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: We can offer our biggest discounts on 30% recycled and ultra-premium laser. Man: 'Kay. 'Kay. Dwight: Can I use your phone? Man: Yeah, sure, go ahead. Dwight: Thanks. Jim: Let me talk to you about a few of the other things we can offer. Namely, we know the tax season is coming up, so by April 1st we can have you fully stocked. Dwight: [On Phone] One... Jim: We have discount prices on ink cartridges... Dwight: Three... Jim: And, also, any forms that you are going to need... Dwight: Seven... Jim: We can custom make them. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Newpeat Quote ] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Yeah I did a watercolor of Frances Willard Elementary School for a contest they were having. They were calling with the results. And I won. I won! My painting won. So I like to thank my mom for always encouraging me. And I like to thank my dad for buying me my first set of art pencils. And I'd like to thank the sixth grade class that picked me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Newpeat Quote ] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey Kev, guess what. I won an art contest today. Kevin: How much did you win? Pam: $100. Kevin: I won $400 bucks on the Celtics game last night. Pam: Cool. Congratulations. Kevin: Thanks, so sweet. [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: Ha ha ha! And you just said, "Hi! Hi! Hi!" Ha heh ha! You sounded like my niece, and she's six months old! [SCENE_BREAK] Man: We'll I appreciate what you guys are saying but it, uh, makes more fiscal sense to go with one of the big guys. Dwight: Sure. Jim: Sure, that's true we can't compete with their prices. But let me ask you something. How important to you is customer service? Man: It's very. Phone: Please keep holding, your call is very important to us. Dwight: Erm, that's one of the 'Big guys.' Been on hold this whole time. Jim: [Dials cell Phone] And this is Dunder-Mifflin. Kelly: Dunder-Mifflin customer service, this is Kelly. Jim: Hey, Kelly, it's Jim. Kelly: Oh my god, Jim. How are you ? I wanted to tell you ... . [Jim hangs up] Dwight: Here is my card. It's got my Cell number, my pager number, my home number, and my other pager number. I never take vacations, I never get sick, and I don't celebrate any major holidays. Man: All right, I get it. We got a deal. Jim: Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Newpeat Quote ] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey, Angela. I got good news today too. I won an art contest. Angela: That's great Pam. I like having these little moments with you. You know what? Sprinkles recently had kittens. Pam: Oh. Angela: I would like to offer you the dominant male. His name is Ash. Pam: Oh? Angela: Mmm-hmm. Pam: Hmm. I don't think so. But thanks. My building manager... is... You understand. Angela: Well then. Have a nice day. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: Thanks. That was fun. Phyllis: Yeah, I really enjoy spending time with you. You are a very nice person. Karen: Thank you. Phyllis: I'm so glad you're with Jim. He was hung up on Pam for such a long time. Never thought he would get over her. Karen: That's nice. Phyllis: You can pay me back later for the makeover. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Hey boss. Got a minute? Michael: Yes, Andy. Andy: I forget, why did Dwight say he was late this morning? Michael: He didn't say. Andy: That's weird. Because I was just walking past his desk and I saw this, which is a tollbooth receipt from New York City, stamped really early this morning. So, why would Dwight go to New York without telling anyone? Do you think he went to see Jan? That's not like him. Is it? Someone told me a story about this, with, like, laundry and betrayal. Did you betray Dwight and try to steal his job or something? Michael: No, you are remembering it wrong. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Dwight betrayed me once before. So this is his strike two. You know what they say? Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice, strike three. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I like Karen. She's pretty and appears intelligent. Jim: Well, I like pretty women who have the appearance of intelligence. Dwight: My girlfriend is also beautiful and smart. She could be a model or a college professor which is intimidating to a lot of guys. Jim: We should go on a double date. Dwight: No thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: Dwight's name is on the security sign-in sheet, but I don't know who he met with. And where it asks to state your business, he wrote "Beeswax. Not yours, Inc." Michael: I knew it. [Dwight and Jim walk in] Andy: Oh, doggie. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: Hey, do you want to grab a coffee? Jim: Sure. Look at you! Karen: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Newpeat Quote ] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Beesley, coffee? Pam: No, thanks. I had some already. Jim: All right. Pam: Oh, but, hey, Jim. Jim: Yeah. Pam: I won an art contest today. Jim: No way! All right Pam. Congratulations. [high five] Pam: Thanks. Jim: Which one was it? Pam: I sent in one of my watercolors. Jim: Cool. Pam: It was the new one I did. Jim: Oh Karen: You ready Jim? Jim: Yeah. Can I see it when I get back? Pam: Yeah. Jim: Congratulations. Pam: Thanks. Jim: Big deal. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Hey, we nailed the sale! Michael: Where were you this morning? Dwight: I overslept. Damn rooster didn't crow. Michael: Why do you lie, liar? Dwight: I am not a liar. Michael: You are lying right now. Andy: It sure seems like he is lying. Dwight: Stay out of this, you! Michael: I know that you went to corporate this morning, and I know that you lied about it. And given our history, I need you tell me this instant exactly what you were doing. Dwight: Michael, I cannot tell you what I was doing there. But you have to trust me, I would never do anything to hurt you or this company. Michael: Ok, you know what? I want you to think about your future in this company. I want you to think about it long and hard. Dwight: That's what she said. Michael: Don't. Don't you dare. I want to know what you were doing this morning by the end of the day. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: It's going to be ok. Angela: How is going to be ok, Dwight? Everyone will know our business. Dwight: That's not the worst thing in the world. I'll just stand up in front of the office and reveal our true love. It won't be that bad. Look at Kelly and Ryan. Angela: I hate those two people more than anything in the entire world. Dwight: Well, I don't have a lot of choices. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: So, let me ask you a question. Jim: Ok. Karen: Did you ever have a thing for Pam? Jim: Pam? Did I ever have a 'thing' for her? No, why? Did she say something? Karen: I moved here from Connecticut... Jim: Yeah. Ok, here's the ... I had a crush on her before I left. And I told her about it and she didn't feel the same way. So, it didn't amount to anything, and I left. I'm really glad you're here. 'Kay? Karen: 'Kay. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Ahem-hem-hem. May I have your attention please? This will only take a moment of your time. Although I love this company more than almost anything in the world, I have decided to step down from my post and spend more time with my family. I do not fear the unknown and I will meet my new challenges head-on and I will succeed. And I will laugh in the faces of those who doubt me. It has been a pleasure working with some of you and I will not forget those of you soon but remember, while today it is me, we all shall fall. In other words, I am quitting. So... . [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Oompa-Loompa Doompity-Dawesome, Dwight is now gone which is totally awesome. Why was he gone, he was such a nice guy? No, he was not. He was a total douche. Doompity-doomp. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I would like to give the rest of my belongings to Michael Scott. Just take them. Except this. Michael: Good luck. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Dwight will be missed. Not by me so much, but, he will be missed. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Dwight, from sales, was one of the most honorable and efficient employees this company has ever had. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: One of my life goals was to die right here in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey man. [Dwight hugs Jim and leaves] Karen: What happened on your sales call? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Um, am I happy the way things turned out? Oh, well, happy's such an ugly word. But, um, I saw what needed to be done and I did it and now I'm thrilled. So, it's pretty... [camera had focused in on Angela watching] Hello? Pretty good.

Dwight arrives late for an early morning meeting, where Michael announces that the members of the sales staff are teaming up for sales calls in an Amazing Race -esque challenge. Andy spends the day trying to convince Michael that Dwight is untrustworthy. Meanwhile, Kevin announces to Angela that their quarterly tax reports weren't received in New York, but Angela assures him that the problem was handled. When the teams return, Andy discovers that Dwight's morning tardiness was due to delivering the reports to New York for Angela. Dwight, instead of revealing their relationship, resigns his position.

fd_One_Tree_Hill_05x02

fd_One_Tree_Hill_05x02_0

LUCAS (voiceover) : My name is Lucas Scott. Four years ago, I graduated from high school with my friends. Brooke Davis moved to New York City and found success. Peyton Sawyer went to Los Angeles. Success didn't come so easily. I wrote a novel and fell for my editor, Lindsey. My brother Nathan saw his dreams vanish... leaving his wife, Haley, and their son, Jamie, more fractured than ever. Things have changed in four years. But in many ways, this is just the beginning. BROOKE : I missed you, P. Sawyer. We're home now. PEYTON : Come on. LUCAS'S BEDROOM Brooke sneaks inside the room and jumps on the bed BROOKE : You're not Lucas! LINDSEY : You're Brooke Davis! BROOKE : Yeah. Hi. You're... wearing me. Clothes Over Bro's is my line. LINDSEY : Yeah, I love it. BROOKE : Thanks. LINDSEY : And you are so pretty in person. BROOKE : Thanks. So are you. LINDSEY : Okay, this hasn't happened to me since college. BROOKE : Right. Okay. (Lucas walks in) LUCAS : Wow, this hasn't happened to me since college. BROOKE : Hi, Luke. LUCAS : Brooke Davis. Oh, I missed you. DOWNTOWN TREE HILL Skills is with Jamie SKILLS : So, what do you want to do today? JAMIE : I don't know. Play, I guess. SKILLS : Yeah, me, too. JAMIE : Don't you have a job? SKILLS : What are you, the man? I don't see you paying any rent. JAMIE : That's because I don't have any money. SKILLS : Well, that makes two of us. Now, let's just go over the drill. If we see any hot chicks today, who are you? JAMIE : I'm an orphan who needs surgery, and you're paying for it, 'cause you're rich. SKILLS : Good man. JAMIE : Whoa... (Jamie sees a small racer) SKILLS : Soapbox Derby. Man, when I was a kid, I always wanted to do this. SKILLS : Me, too. It's a good thing you're still a kid, 'cause we got two days to pimp your ride. JAMIE : Can uncle Mouth help me pimp my ride? SKILLS : I don't think so. See, uncle Mouth finally got a j-o-b. JAMIE : That spells "job." SKILLS : Man, you're getting way too smart. It was a lot easier when you was 3. MOUTH'S NEW JOB Mouth walks in a recording studio and sits behind the desk, like if he was the sports announcer. MOUTH : Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Marvin McFadden, and sports is coming up next. (a women walks in) ALICE : What, exactly, are you doing? MOUTH : Oh, the station called about the field-reporter position? ALICE : Field reporter... little ambitious, don't you think? The job that we called you about is an entry-level logger position. We could hire a monkey to do that but the freaks at Peta would more than likely picket. MOUTH : But I guess I assumed... ALICE : First door on the left. You watch the games, you highlight the best plays, and you leave the log for on-air. If you cannot accomplish that, you are currently wasting my time. MOUTH : I'm sorry, but you are still looking for a reporter, aren't you? ALICE : The answer to your question, yes. Let us be honest... you don't really have the face for it, do you? CLASSROOM IN TREE HILL HIGH Haley is starting her class HALEY : All right, good morning. This is actually my first official day as a teacher, and you're my first official class. So, congratulations. My name is... Haley... James... QUENTIN : That is some fine ass. HALEY : All right, first of all, that's no way to talk to a girl, any girl, and second of all, that is absolutely no way to speak to a teacher. QUENTIN : I'm sorry. It was me. Just trying to give you a compliment. HALEY : What's your name? QUENTIN : Quentin Fields. HALEY : Okay. Sit down, Quentin. QUENTIN : Yes, ma'am. Won't happen again, miss James. HALEY : Actually, it's Mrs. Scott. QUENTIN : Damn, that ass. HALEY : Okay, all right. Get out. You need to go to the office. QUENTIN : Oh, to the office. Maybe we could go together. Maybe you could just spank me right here. STUDENT : Yeah, Mrs. Scott! QUENTIN : Ooh, harder, Mrs. James-Scott! HALEY : All right, settle down. QUENTIN : Spank me, Mrs. James-Scott! HALEY : I said, "settle down!" HALEY : Class! STUDENTS : Class! HALEY : I have just... STUDENTS : I have just... (Haley leaves the classroom) QUENTIN : Baby, come back! RIVERWALK Brooke joins Peyton BROOKE : Hey PEYTON : hey BROOKE : Hey, how much do you love me? I went to see Lindsey, Luke's girlfriend. I have good news and bad news. PEYTON : Luke and I haven't been together for three years. It's not why I'm home. BROOKE : I totally believe you. Fine. (Brooke's phone rings) BROOKE : Ooh, the office. They're just figuring out I'm not in Milan. I bet Victoria's having a cow. PEYTON : You think maybe you should call and let her know you're alive? BROOKE : No. No, I have a more important question to ask you. What happened after Lucas finished his book? FLASHBACK, 2 YEARS AGO, LOS ANGELES/ TREE HILL Peyton is walking in the street, her cell phone rings. On the other side, Lucas is at home. PEYTON : Hello? LUCAS : Hey, it's Lucas. I know it's been awhile, but... I'm having a book signing in L.A. on a couple of days. PEYTON : Yeah, I know. I mean, I read about it. LUCAS : Yeah, I've been pacing the house for the last hour wondering if I should call, considering how we left things. PEYTON : No, it's okay. It's actually really good to hear your voice. LUCAS : Yours, too. Well, I was hoping... I'd love to see you if you're not too busy. PEYTON : Yeah... yeah, okay. Sure, I'll be there. LUCAS : That's great, Peyton. Well, then, I... I'll see you soon, then. PEYTON : See you soon. END OF THE FLASHBACK INTERIOR TREE HILL GYM Lucas is talking to the basketball players with Skills LUCAS : My name is Lucas Scott. I'm the new head basketball coach of the Tree Hill Ravens. This is Antwon Taylor. He's the new assistant head coach. You want our credentials? They're hanging right there. (showing the flag of their state championship victory) I must congratulate you. For some of you, it took only four years to destroy the legacy coach Durham took 35 years to build. Nice work. So, as of today, all 12 roster spots are available. It doesn't matter if you played last year. In three days, we'll have our final roster. If you want to be on it, then I would advise you go hard. Skills? SKILLS : I would definitely go hard. LUCAS : One-on-two drill. SKILLS : Everybody line up at half court. Haley walks into the gym, takes Jamie who's sitting on the bench and walks to Lucas JAMIE : Mama, I'm gonna race in a soap-opera derby. HALEY : What? LUCAS : How was your first day? HALEY : Um, horrible. My first class, like, attacked me, and I ran out in tears, and principal Turner had to finish the rest of my classes. LUCAS : I'm sorry, Hales. HALEY : They were awful, so mean... especially this one kid, who was, like, sexually harassing me. LUCAS : What? Who was it? (Quentin enters the gym) HALEY : Him. QUENTIN : Hello, there, Mrs. James-Scott. HALEY : We'll see you later, okay? LUCAS (to Quentin) : You're late. QUENTIN : Yeah? I'm also your leading scorer. LUCAS : No, you might have been a leading scorer on a team that won three conference games all last season. But you are not my leading scorer... not yet. (Quentin takes a ball and makes a dunk) OUTSIDE NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Nathan is alone, thinking SPORTS ANNOUNCER (voiceover) : Seattle is on the clock right now. We'll get to the commissioner in regards to their pick. They going big? They going small? Somebody help! Somebody! (Peyton and Brooke walk in) PEYTON : Well... BROOKE : Well. Don't look away. The second and third greatest nights of your life just walked back into your world. PEYTON : You looking all rock star totally does it for me. BROOKE : Very heroin chic, Nate. I like it. NATHAN : What are you guys doing here? BROOKE : Well, Lucas tells me that you can walk, but you need a little incentive. So we have come up with a drill. PEYTON : For every step you take... we kiss. (They hug him) PEYTON : Hey, it's good to see you. BROOKE : We missed you. HALEY : Nathan... (Haley is coming outside with Jamie. She stops when she sees her friends) PEYTON : Hey BROOKE : Hi HALEY : Hi... What are you guys doing here? BROOKE : We came to see you and... HALEY : Oh, Jamie, sweetie, come here. There's people I want you to meet. Come on, it's okay. This is Brooke and Peyton, and this is our son, Jamie. PEYTON : Hey, Jamie. How are you? BROOKE : He is beautiful (Nathan leaves) BROOKE : Nate? (The three girls hug) BROOKE : We missed you. BOYS APARTMENT Lucas and Skills are with Jamie, taking care of his racer LUCAS : Man, I've always wanted one of these things. SKILLS : Yeah, me, too. JAMIE : Me, too. SKILLS : I think we should paint it red. You know, the red racer. Yo, kid, talk to me about the cape. What's the real? JAMIE : I'm a superhero. SKILLS : Is that right? Why don't you fly to the kitchen and get me a beer? LUCAS : So, what's your take on the team's former leading scorer? SKILLS : Quentin? The kid's pretty good. LUCAS : The kid's really good. Now we just got to figure out if we can get him to play a team game, you know? JAMIE : Can I have pudding? SKILLS : You can read, right? SKILLS : If the pudding says "Junk" or "Fergie," you can have it. JAMIE : Thank you. LUCAS : Hey, and just one, okay? No, I mean, it's like, I don't know if they lost all those games because they didn't have enough guys on the team like him. SKILLS : Or maybe they just lost because of him. LUCAS : You know who he reminds me of. SKILLS : Yeah. OUTSIDE NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Jamie and Haley join Nathan JAMIE : Hi, daddy. Did you see my basketball? NATHAN : No. HALEY : You okay? (Nathan doesn't answer) HALEY : "I'm fine, wife. How was your day? You know, husband, my day really sucked, but thanks for asking." NATHAN : And mine didn't? HALEY : That's just a little selfish, don't you think? NATHAN : No. No, I don't think. And I didn't see you lose your dream. HALEY : Maybe you need to open up your eyes. Where's Jamie? Jamie? Jamie! CARRIE (bringing Jamie back) : This belong to you? BOYS APARTMENT Brooke visits Mouth BROOKE : Wine delivery from New York City. MOUTH : Wow, I called for that wine two years ago. Get in here! Come on. INSIDE NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Haley's interviewing Carrie HALEY : Can I just ask why you decided to become a nanny? CARRIE : Honestly, because I get paid to work with some really great kids. Eventually, I'd like to maybe go back to school and study to be a pediatrician... someday, when I have someone else's life and income. Look, Haley, I know when you go to interviews like this, both sides are trying to figure out how crazy the other person is. HALEY : Are you doing that, too? CARRIE : I get it, but I've taken enough of your time. You have my references, and Jamie seems like a wonderful boy, so just let me know. Either way, it was great meeting you. It was great to meet you, too. Thank you so much. (Jamie enters the kitchen with mud all over him) JAMIE : Look, mama! Me and daddy made mud! HALEY : I'm sorry. Who am I kidding? How soon could you start? BOYS APARTMENT Skills sneaks inside Mouth's room, where Brooke and Mouth are sleeping, still dressed. He lies down beside Brooke and take a picture. That awakes Brooke. SKILLS : Well, imagine that. Brooke Davis. BROOKE : What time is it? SKILLS : Like, 8:30. BROOKE : Oh, no. (Brooke stand up) BROOKE : I told Haley I'd take Jamie! (Mouth wakes up too) SKILLS (to Mouth) : That was some wild night, baby. MOUTH : What time is it? SKILLS : Like, 8:30. MOUTH : Oh, no, I'm late for work! BROOKE : Jamie, have you seen my shoes? I'm supposed to go and pick up... Jamie...What are you doing here? JAMIE : Mommy brought me over. She said not to wake you. BROOKE : Right. You ever had a wine hangover? I had a floppy-eared bunny named Chester. MOUTH : I got to go. I'm late for work. It's great to see you, Brooke. Hi, Jamie! MOUTH'S OFFICE Mouth arrives at work. Alice sees him ALICE : Well, well, well. Somebody just got strike two. MOUTH : Look, Alice, I think we got off to the wrong start. I just want you to know that I'm honored to be a part of your staff, and I'm looking forward to working for you and learning... ALICE : I really don't like you. MOUTH : Well, what can I do to change that? ALICE : Quit... before I fire you. BOYS APARTMENT Brooke and Jamie are talking about his racer BROOKE : Jamie, this thing is really awesome. JAMIE : Yeah. BROOKE : Yeah? What? Aren't you excited about your big race? (Brooke put Jamie inside the racer) JAMIE : I guess, but it's suppose be my car, and they're not letting me do anything. BROOKE : Well, then, you better stand up for yourself, huh? JAMIE : What do you mean? BROOKE : Well, like, what color do you want it to be? JAMIE : Red and blue like daddy's, but they want it red, like Elmo. And I hate Elmo. Grover's so much better. Grover's blue. BROOKE : I so agree with you. Blue it is. You've got to take a stand, Jamie. If you start giving in now, it's just gonna get worse, trust me. JAMIE : I'm glad you're my godmother. BROOKE : Me, too, buddy. Now let's go get some paint. Come here! I got you! TREE HILL HIGH Haley arrives in her classroom. Principal Turner is waiting for her HALEY : Hi, principal Turner. TURNER : Haley, I thought I'd join you for a few days. HALEY : I can do this on my own. TURNER : I know, but you're young, and sometimes, the students take advantage of that. Let's get you walking, and then you can run. INTERIOR TREE HILL GYM Practice SKILLS : Run, run, run! Pick it up! LUCAS : Blue team, two-on-two zone! QUENTIN : We don't play no zones, coach. LUCAS : You do, if I say so. QUENTIN : You stay in man to man, I can do this. (Quentin makes a dunk) TREE HILL HOSPITAL Peyton is taking Nathan to the pediatric ward NATHAN : Just take me home, Peyton, okay? I'm not feeling this today. PEYTON : Maybe not, but the doctors are. NATHAN : The doctors weren't the ones with a piece of glass in their spine and nerve damage four f'ing months ago. Anyway, it's not like I'll ever play basketball again. PEYTON : You know what? First of all, shut up and take a look around. You have a life that any one of these kids would die for. And what's really sad is that most of them probably will. (Peyton leaves Nathan in the middle of the ward) INSIDE CLUB TRIC Brooke, Peyton and Haley are at the bar BROOKE : So, that morning, I'm reading an article about how she's recently sober, and that night, she's in the booth next to me at a club, wasted. PEYTON : And then my label signs her to a record deal. I'm sorry. I can't be a part of that. BROOKE : Ladies, here's to not being a part of it. HALEY : Here's to taming my demonic english class. BROOKE : No, no, we're not going there 'cause this song is insane. PEYTON : Yeah. (The three girls go on the dance floor and find Mouth) BROOKE : Mouth! MOUTH : My boss hates me. BROOKE : So, shut up and dance. HALEY : I think that's Lindsey. Hey. Hey. (Lindsey joins the group) HALEY : Hey, come here! Hi! How are you? BROOKE : Hey, you. I want you to meet my best friend... (She's looking for Peyton who disappear) BROOKE : ...not that guy. I don't know where she went. RACE PLACE, NIGHT Lucas, Skills, Fergie, Junk are with Jamie SKILLS : So, here's the plan. I figured we'd do a couple test runs, you know, work out the kinks. Then tomorrow night, Big-Game James here gonna smoke all those little brats. LUCAS : Yeah, boy. SKILLS : All right, I give to you the red racer! LUCAS : The blue bullet. JAMIE : Brooke helped me. SKILLS : Yeah. Look, well, it don't matter. You ready to try it, Flash? (Jamie shake his head) Figured that much. So, check this out. We're gonna use this mannequin for the first run. All right. Let's roll! (They let go the racer, but it loses one of its wheel and the mannequin loses his head) SKILLS : Oh, man, we gonna have to fix that. INSIDE CLUB TRIC Peyton is alone, Lindsey comes to see her LINDSEY : Hi. PEYTON : Oh, hi. LINDSEY : Lindsey. PEYTON : Peyton. LINDSEY : I know this is awkward, but I just wanted to say hi. And I know I don't know you, but I feel like I do. At least, the version of you from the book. You seemed really brave. PEYTON : Thanks. LINDSEY : Anyway, I hope to see you around, Peyton. Take care. (Lindsey leaves and Brooke joins Peyton) PEYTON : Damn it, I really didn't want to like her. BROOKE : I know, but she's great, right? Sorry. Carrie sees Haley in the club CARRIE : Haley? HALEY : Oh, Carrie, hi. CARRIE : Hi. Oh, my gosh, I probably look like a boozehound. I was just celebrating with some friends. You look fine. You look great. MOUTH : Really great. CARRIE : Thanks. Listen, I just want you to know that I appreciate you taking a chance on me. I'm gonna take good care of Jamie, I promise. HALEY : Oh, I know you will. You're gonna do just fine. CARRIE : Thanks. Well, I'll see you soon. HALEY : Okay, you have a great night. CARRIE : Bye. HALEY : Bye. MOUTH : Bye. (Carrie leaves. Brooke and Peyton join them) BROOKE : And, Mouth, who was that? HALEY : Oh, that's Carrie. She's our new nanny. BROOKE : I'm sorry. Have you lost your mind? She cannot be your new nanny. HALEY : Why? PEYTON : Well, for starters, have you looked at her? She is way too hot. MOUTH : Okay, you two need to stop. Why does everything have to be about looks? Maybe she's a great nanny or a great field reporter. Shouldn't that be the point and not her looks? Besides, if Haley doesn't hire her, I won't get to see her in a bikini. HALEY : Nice. MOUTH : Damn, she was hot. HALEY : All right. I've got to go, you guys. I need to check up on Nathan. [SCENE_BREAK] RIVERCOURT, AT NIGHT BROOKE : Seems like another life. PEYTON : It was, for you. I mean, I appreciate you coming back and everything, but considering the way your phone's been blowing up, you have a very busy, very great life to get back to. BROOKE : Okay. I have a very important friend who needs me. Why did you come home, Peyton? PEYTON : I guess I was looking for that inspiration I felt when we wrote our names here, you know? I was fearless then, Brooke. BROOKE : So, what happened to that girl? PEYTON : That girl became assistant to the assistant. BROOKE : So, if you want to be the girl you thought you could be back then, start a label, Peyton. Do it yourself. I am serious. Peyton, I want to invest in your label. I believe in you. Okay? (Lucas arrives) BROOKE : Unless that's not really why you came home. I'm gonna return those phone calls real quick. (Brooke starts leaving) BROOKE (to Lucas) : Ask about the record label. LUCAS : I'm supposed to ask about the label. PEYTON : Yeah, Brooke wants me to start my own label here. LUCAS : Are you gonna do it? (She doesn't answer) PEYTON : I met Lindsey tonight. She seems wonderful. How long have you two been together? LUCAS : Why didn't you come to the book signing in L.A. two years ago? FLASHBACK, LOS ANGELES, TWO YEARS AGO Lucas' book signing. He is waiting with Lindsey LINDSEY : Wow. This is a great turnout. Listen, Luke, I know this is your first book as an author, but it was also my first book to edit, and I had the best year doing it. So, I just wanted to say thank you and I'm proud of you. (Lindsey kiss Lucas on his check) LINDSEY : Okay, you ready? LUCAS : Yeah. I guess everybody's here that's coming. END OF THE FLASHBACK, RIVERCOURT PEYTON : Luke, I knew we weren't meant to be. (Lucas seems really affected) LUCAS : I should get home. See you. LUCAS' HOUSE Lindsey is sitting on the couch, Lucas comes home LUCAS : Thought you'd be asleep by now. How was your night? LINDSEY : Good. I met Peyton. Let me ask you something. Do all of your ex-girlfriends have to be so damn pretty? LUCAS : Not like all my current girlfriends. LINDSEY : "All" better mean "one." (they kiss) LINDSEY : Do you know if they're back for a while? Brooke and Peyton? LUCAS : I don't know. Brooke wants to help Peyton start her own record label, maybe in Tree Hill. LINDSEY : You think she'll be good at it? LUCAS : Yeah, she'll be great at it. LINDSEY : Then if she needs help, you should help her. And I'll try my best not to be insanely jealous. EXTERIOR NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Nathan is in front of the pool, Haley arrives HALEY : Hey, as soon as Brooke and Peyton get here, we're gonna take off, okay? NATHAN : I'm not going. HALEY : What? James is counting on you. NATHAN : I don't want anybody seeing me like this. HALEY : Has it occurred to you that this isn't about you? INTERIOR NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Brooke and Peyton arrive BROOKE : Haley, we're here! HALEY : Hey PEYTON : Hey BROOKE : Hi... So, I have a surprise. You're gonna like it. I made Jamie a little something for his race. (Jamie run into the living room) JAMIE : Look, mama! HALEY : Oh, my goodness, look at this! This is a real racing suit! BROOKE : And I even made you a sponsor, P. Sawyer. PEYTON : Oh, yeah? "Peyton Sawyer, unemployed." Thank you very much. BROOKE : You're welcome. JAMIE : I can't wait for daddy to see me! HALEY : Oh, baby, listen, daddy's just not feeling very well today. I'm sorry. JAMIE : He's not coming? HALEY : No. I'm sorry. But everybody else is gonna be there. PEYTON : Oh, yeah, I hear your uncle Lucas is coming, and Skills and Mouth and all the guys. I'm pretty sure he's gonna have the biggest crowd there. BROOKE : Absolutely. HALEY : Yeah, okay? Okay, come on. Come on. PEYTON : Let's do it, dude. BROOKE : Come on, buddy. Let's win a race. RACE CONTEST Haley arrives with Jamie HALEY : Hey... Here he is! SKILLS : There he is, lightning Jamie Scott! MOUTH : Hey, cool outfit, man. SKILLS : So, what's good, man? You ready to win this thing or what? RIVERSIDE NEAR THE RACE CONTEST Brooke's on the phone, Peyton is with her BROOKE : Okay, I'm gonna need you to go ahead and stop yelling and listen to me. No, you are yelling. You are yelling, and it's my company! Why are you yelling at me? There is a boy here. Yes, a boy. And... No, I don't... just... ugh! God! (Brooke throws her phone into the river) BROOKE (to Peyton) : Can I borrow your phone? BROOKE (on the phone): Hi, Millicent, it's me. No, it's great. I'm just gonna need a new phone. Okay, thanks. RACE CONTEST LUCAS : Hey, buddy. So, you're racing for Clothes Over Bro's now, huh? JAMIE : Peyton Sawyer, unemployed. GUY : Racers, to your cars! SKILLS : Let's go get 'em, Flash! BROOKE : All right, big guy, here you go. HALEY : Be careful, all right? LUCAS : Ready? PEYTON : Come on, buddy. LUCAS : All right, here we go. (Lucas put Jamie in his racer) LUCAS : Good? GUY : Okay, racers, when you're ready, place both hands on the steering wheel. SKILLS : Let's go, Big Jamie baby. You can do it. (Jamie is thinking about the other night with the mannequin) GUY : Hold up, hold up. Car 23, are you okay? JAMIE : I don't want to. GUY : Okay. Mom? HALEY : Hey, baby. What's going on? JAMIE : I don't want to race, mama. HALEY : You don't have to, but are you sure? I think it's gonna be really fun. JAMIE : I want to talk to Brooke. BROOKE : What's up, handsome? JAMIE : I don't want to do it, but I like my racing suit. BROOKE : The suit's yours, but are you sure you don't want to race? JAMIE : It's my life. I'm taking a stand. Is that okay? BROOKE : Yes, that's okay, honey. Come here. (Brooke take Jamie out of his racer) JAMIE : Sorry, uncle Skills. SKILLS : It's okay, buddy. SKILLS (to Jamie's contestant): You hear that? my man is taking a stand, blazing his own trail. Follower. INTERIOR NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Nathan is on the couch, Haley arrives HALEY : Well, he didn't race. He was afraid. You might know something about that. NATHAN : We're all afraid. HALEY : Yeah, but he's 4, and he needed his dad, and his dad wasn't there. Nice work, Dan. (Haley gets angry and throws some dishes away) HALEY : Are you gonna say anything, or are you just gonna sit there like you have for the last four months? You gonna get drunk, maybe pout a little, cry? NATHAN : You don't get it, do you? I used to be somebody, Haley. Do you understand that? Do you understand what that means? I used to be Nathan Scott, and I was great. And I should have walked away, okay? I know that, and I didn't do it. And now I'm nothing, and I have nothing. HALEY : You have nothing?! You have a beautiful son who is here! I am here! You have got to figure out who you're gonna be in this, Nathan, because this version of you does not work for us. I cannot keep living like this, okay? Do you understand what I'm saying? One more night like this, Nathan, and I promise you, you will have nothing! INTERIOR CLUB TRIC, DAYTIME The club is empty. Lucas is there, Peyton arrives PEYTON : Little early, don't you think? Usually don't start my hard drinking till at least noon. LUCAS : Come here. I want to show you something. (Lucas open a big door inside the club) LUCAS : I talked to my mom, and... we decided we want you to have it. Rent-free, under one condition... that it becomes office space for your new label. And I've already talked to Brooke, so I don't think you have any more excuses. PEYTON : You know that four years ago I would have jumped at this. LUCAS : But what? Doesn't seem so cut-and-dry anymore? 'Cause it's not. I wrote a novel, and I can't write a second one. Mouth's boss apparently hates him. Nathan missed his dream by a breath. That's life. So, you couldn't change the world from Los Angeles. Change it here. I know you can do it. And so do you. Just think about it. (Lucas starts leaving) PEYTON : I was there, Luke. At your book signing in L.A. FLASHBACK, LOS ANGELES, LUCAS' BOOK SIGNING Peyton arrives and see Lindsey with Lucas from far LINDSEY : So, I just wanted to say thank you and I'm proud of you. (Lindsey kiss Lucas on his check) (Peyton leaves) LINDSEY : Okay, you ready? LUCAS : Yeah. END OF THE FLASHBACK PEYTON : I was there, Lucas. I was so proud of you. But we hadn't talked in a long time, and I saw you with Lindsey, and I figured you guys were together, which, clearly, you are, and... I like her. I do. But... do you remember when you first joined the Ravens, and you took all my sketches over to Thud without asking? And do you remember what you said that night that you entered the gym for the first time? LUCAS : "Your art matters. It's what got me here." PEYTON : Yeah. It's like you touched my soul. And a few days ago, I was ready to quit again. But you saved me with the words you wrote about me in your novel. So, if you're struggling to write the next one... you should know... that your art matters, Lucas. It's what got me here. CLASSROOM AT TREE HILL HIGH Haley enters the class HALEY : Good morning. Sit down, Mr. Fields. QUENTIN : I think we need a little break, hmm? Like, for the rest of the hour. What do you say, class, huh? Who's with me? HALEY : Any student who walks out that door fails this quarter. I'm not gonna stop you. I'm just gonna fail you. Say goodbye to extracurricular activities. Say goodbye to sports, like basketball. Do you understand that the rest of your life is being shaped right now? It's up to you. You can walk out that door and fail this class and just take your chances. Or you can sit down, listen, and learn from somebody that's been there. The choice is yours. (Quentin leaves the class) HALEY : The rest of your life is a long time. And whether you know it or not, it's being shaped right now. EXTERIOR NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Nathan is in front of the pool and goes inside with his wheelchair HALEY (voiceover) : You can choose to blame your circumstances on fate or bad luck or bad choices. Or you can fight back. NATHAN : I'm Nathan Scott, and I have too much to lose. HALEY (voiceover) : Things aren't always gonna be fair in the real world. That's just the way it is. But for the most part, you get what you give. INTERIOR TREE HILL GYM Lucas and Skills are with the team, Quentin walks in QUENTIN : This some kind of joke? LUCAS : No, I'm afraid you didn't make the team. QUENTIN : You understand, without me, you're gonna lose every game. LUCAS : Oh, I think you're wrong. But if you are right, then we're going to lose as a team. (Quentin starts leaving) LUCAS : Mr. Fields? I hear you've been disrupting your english class. I wouldn't recommend you keep that up. QUENTIN : This ain't over. LUCAS : It's "this isn't over." HALEY (voiceover): Let me ask you all a question. What's worse... not getting everything you wished for... LUCAS : Well, congratulations, men. You are the new Tree Hill Ravens. Let's go to work. HALEY (voiceover) : ...or getting it, but finding out it's not enough? INTERIOR LOCALE OF KAREN'S CAFÉ Brooke is there with a broker. Jamie is also with her BROOKE (on the phone) : I do love my company. I just... I want to run it from here. I know it wasn't the plan. It's my life. I'm taking a stand. Bye. BROOKE (to the broker): It's perfect. I'll take it. Thank you. BROOKE (to Jamie): Help me with this. Come here. HALEY (voiceover) : The rest of your life is being shaped right now. With the dreams you chase... the choices you make... JAMIE'S BEDROOM NATHAN : Jamie, wake up. Hey, we're going out, okay? Get ready. JAMIE : Where? NATHAN : It's a surprise... And, hey, buddy, bring your cape. HALEY (voiceover) : ...and the person you decide to be. LUCAS' BEDROOM Lucas is looking at poster of his book signing LINDSEY : You remember why I gave you that? We went to dinner after the signing. It was our first date. You coming to bed? LUCAS : Actually... I think I'm gonna write for a while. LINDSEY : That's great, Luke. RACE PLACE, AT NIGHT Jamie is in his racer, Nathan in his wheelchair NATHAN : You know, son, there's gonna be a lot of times in your life when you're afraid. Being afraid is okay, but if you don't work through that fear, you might miss out on some pretty great things. JAMIE : Are you afraid, daddy? NATHAN : Sometimes. You? JAMIE : Sometimes. NATHAN : Then we'll do this together. On the count of three. One, two, three! (Both start to race) HALEY (voiceover) : The rest of your life is a long time. And the rest of your life starts right now.

Tensions run high as Lucas must face his past and choose his future, while he discovers the demands of being the coach of the Tree Hill Ravens. Haley's decision to hire a nanny brings much-needed help into their home, while her first day of teaching turns out differently from what she expects. Jamie sets his sights on a Soap Box derby race and enlists Skills to help him out. Meanwhile, Mouth's excitement about his new job is tempered by his demanding new boss.

fd_The_Brokenwood_Mysteries_05x03

fd_The_Brokenwood_Mysteries_05x03_0

[Up-tempo music plays.] You're alive As long as the streets are living I single you out I don't want to want to go home The sun will rise OSCAR: Jesus, Lester. What's the damn hurry, mate? TREVOR: [Laughs.] Not again, Trev. It just encourages him. want to go home He ain't saying it'll be easy You want to go there, do you, bro? Come on, boy. There. [Laughs.] Whoo! This broken bell will keep on ringing Boy, it's true Oh. Hello, Madison. Jean. Still come to see your mum, then? [Chuckles.] She expects it. MRS. MARLOWE: Oh, so many these days forgotten the moment they've gone. MADISON: Well, not Mum. She'd never stand for that sort of nonsense. - No. She wouldn't. - Mm. I think she'll be happy knowing I'm still right here where I belong. MRS. MARLOWE: Datura! Really. Hey. Hey. Come on, bro. Dig it in. - [Horn honks.] - Hey! CYCLIST: Hey! - Animal! - Let's go! Game on. Come on, lads. You're on, Lester. [Grunting.] Come on, Trevor. Not even sweating. Come on. Come on, Trevor, you loser! Whoo! [Laughs.] TREVOR: Lester! Lester! Lester! Stay back! [Cellphone rings.] - Mike. - Theoretically, do you think it's possible to train a bull to kill on command? Oh, you're still banging on about that? Well, you have to admit it's intriguing. That Collins guy was an idiot. I thought that was the official verdict. Not in those exact words. But yeah. Essentially, yes. - SIMS: So? - [Sighs.] Maybe I'm being too optimistic about the human race, but I find it hard to believe that someone can be that stupid. Yeah, well, there are some spectacularly stupid people - out there. - I know. But, in theory, do you think it's possible to train a bull to kill on command? Look, Mike, I have to go. It might be your day off, but it's not mine, and, actually, I've got a death to deal with. Should I be there? No, no. It's a middle-aged cyclist pushed it too hard. Heart attack. So why are CIB involved? SIMS: The uniform branch are stretched, so I stepped in. The good news is, Breen lost rock-paper-scissors, so I sent him to inform next of kin. Oh, so you've got time to talk about the bull thing. Uh [Imitates static hissing.] We're breaking up, Mike. I'll talk to you later. - [Cellphone rings.] - Oh, good Lord. Another one? - Yes, another one. - GREENE: Who? Lester Nyman. Heart attack yesterday. - Oh, dear. - MADISON: Will you come in, or do I send this out? Uh, no, no. I'll come in. Good. Everything will be ready this afternoon. [Police radio chatter.] In theory, you can train any animal. I mean, they trained orcas, right? And that didn't turn out so well for both man or beast. But if you can train a big fish, you can train a bull, right? Orcas are mammals, not fish. But a bull is a mammal. - SIMS: Yes. - Here we go. Thank you. Got you a trim. Look, Mike, I'd love to dwell on your bull-as-assassin theory, but I have a dead cyclist to process here. Oh, on that note, when I told Mrs. Nyman about the death of her husband, she was a little weird. [Knocking.] - Yes? - Mrs. Tammie Nyman? - Yes. - Detective Constable Breen. Um, I-I have some bad news. Can I come in? Uh Wait. Did you say "Nyman"? BREEN: Yeah. Wife of Lester Nyman, the dead guy on the bike. The bull thing happened on the Nyman farm. I thought bull guy was Collins. Yeah, but the witness was a Trevor Nyman, the farmer. Trevor Nyman, Lester Nyman's brother, was the first man at the scene when Lester dropped dead. So, what are we thinking here? - A very good question, indeed. - [Cellphone rings.] Gina, what can I do for you? Mike. It always makes me laugh when you answer your phone, "Gina, how can I do you?" That's not actually what I say, Gina. It's more "what can I do for you?" Same thing. No. What's up? Or perhaps down. This is a Mr. Lester Nyman. Ah. The cyclist. - Okay. - Yes. The face-first thing is unusual. Yes. Heart attack, wasn't it? Yes. I sourced his records, and given his medical history, a heart attack is most likely. But if he had a heart condition, what was he doing riding to the top of Whakamoho Mountain? Mm, because cycling is awesome? - It is? - Man. Machine. Fresh air. Gets the blood flowing. Feel the tingle of life in your extremities. You don't like cycling, Mike? - Never been a fan, no. - KADINSKY: Pity. I think Lycra brings out the best in men. Okay. [Clears throat.] Uh if it was a heart attack, what am I doing here? This. You see this rash? - [Remote clicks.] - This reaction, it troubles me. I hear you on that. Not what I would expect. - Chafing? - No. No signs of friction. And chafing would be lower between legs. This is a reaction to something. - Poison? - Call it instinct, but something is not right about this. I'll notify the coroner. I was hoping you would say that. BREEN: You know, instead of "poison" and "bull," you could have just written "stupid" and "death wish," right? Or just not written anything at all, - because there's no evidence - Yet. Yet to suggest that either of these are anything other than what they are. - There's a rash. - SIMS: Maybe they changed their laundry detergent, and he had a reaction to that. Meanwhile Manu Collins. Is there something to suggest there's anything out of the ordinary? Apart from everything? So, where's the bull now? TREVOR: We put it in another paddock. Thought it was probably best. Are you saying Manu Collins just ran straight at the bull? Like I said, we were out here, talking, and You've heard of the festival of San Fermín, right? - [Bull bellows.] - The running of the bulls? The Spanish celebration of fleeing with soiled trousers? Yeah. MANU: Well, that's what I'm gonna do with my money. Yeah, see, I want to be one of those guys who gather where the bulls are released, and then, when they emerge out onto the street, - run towards the bulls. - [Sighs.] But then, at the last minute, turn around and then run with them. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. TREVOR: What are you doing? I'm so totally gonna be that guy. Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! [Laughs.] They stress the bull out, running at it like that. The bull just did what bulls do when they get stressed. [Manu laughing, bull bellows.] Maybe he would have made it. But - Ooh! Ooh! sh1t! - [Bull snorts.] But by the time I distracted it Oi! Phft! Phft! it was way too late. [Thud, Manu coughs.] Was Mr. Collins prone to doing things like that? You mean being an idiot? Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I only knew him a couple of days. [Gunshot.] That'll be Mrs. McTavish. She works here. She reckons once they've done something like this, you [Sighs.] you don't want 'em 'round. I see a candidate for a Darwin Award maybe, but not for murder. [Sighs.] Trevor Nyman has been a witness to or first on the scene of two deaths over, what, the last two months? Bad run of luck for Trev. BREEN: Yeah, and then some. It's not been a good year for the Nyman clan. Six months ago, Trevor's father, Karl Nyman, killed himself. Put a shotgun in his mouth out at the farm. Guess who found the body. And then, two weeks ago, a Jethro Nyman drowned while Jet-Skiing off the coast of Riverstone. Way off. Any mention of Trevor in relation to that? Nope. Missing for a week before the body washed up. SIMS: Anything to suggest foul play? Not as yet. You know, it could just be a run of really lousy luck for the Nymans. No one has that much bad luck. Come on. Oh. [Sighs.] SHEPHERD: This really is a great spot, isn't it? TREVOR: Yeah, it is. Look, is there some kind of problem here? SHEPHERD: Not at all. It's just a routine follow-up about your brother Lester's death. Oh, there was nothing I could do. He was dead by the time I got there. SHEPHERD: I'm sorry for your loss. - Thank you. - Or losses, actually. There's been a bit of a bad run for your family lately. Yeah, I suppose. Your father died a while back? He committed suicide, yeah. Bit of a shock, I imagine. No, not really. He was dying anyway. He just chose where and when. So it wasn't a surprise? Well, it wasn't pleasant walking into that barn, but no, it wasn't a surprise. And, um, now your brother. TREVOR: Lester knew he had a dodgy ticker. He took it as a challenge. In what way? He thought he could laugh in the face of death. Death won. Jethro Nyman Is he a relation? TREVOR: He was. A cousin. And Manu Collins also a cousin, you said. TREVOR: Sort of. Sort of? At my father's will reading, we learned that he had a whole other family. - Over in Riverstone. - Oh. So less of a cousin and more of a half brother? - Yeah. - SHEPHERD: You learned this - upon reading of the will? - TREVOR: Yep. Look, what the hell has this got to do with my brother Lester - having a heart attack? - Oh! Just tell him. - He'll find out anyway. - TREVOR: [Sighs.] This is Mrs. McTavish. She kind of runs the house. No "kind of" about it. It's a will. It's a public document. Police want to find out, all they have to do is look. My father's will and the reading was somewhat of a revelation. Why all the chairs? MADISON: For all the people asked to attend the will reading. What, as witnesses? - No. - MRS. McTAVISH: Oh. Bloody typical. I have to bring in me own bloody chair. Take a seat, Trevor. [Mid-tempo music plays.] Madison. Been so long since we've spoken Don't even know what you would say Still I made some promises, and I keep 'em anyway 'Cause somewhere there's a place Where the light keeps shining through MADISON: Come in. I'll be talking with myself tonight Still no word from you There should be one more person. Magnus Nyman. Spoken to Dad lately? Haven't spoken to the old b*st*rd in I don't know two years. He didn't come to Dad's funeral either. His own brother, and he didn't show. Okay, well, let's proceed without him. For those who don't know me, I'm Madison Mathers, a lawyer with the firm of Emerson, Bogart & Nash. Karl Nyman has appointed me to be the executor of his last will and testament. As part of this will, he stipulated that I assemble you all here for the reading of said will. Thank you all for coming. "I, Karl Harald Nyman, being of sound mind and body, do hereby declare" You don't need to bore them with the details, boy. Just get to the bit about Tonto. [Chuckles.] The tontine. MRS. McTAVISH: Yeah, that thing. My father, in his will, left this farm, the bank accounts, everything, to 10 people in the form of what is called a tontine. Uh, sorry. A what? I think we all better have a nice cup of tea. - Hmm? - TREVOR: [Sighs.] So, a tontine is named after a bloke by the name of Lorenzo de Tonti in the 1600s as a kind of insurance/investment thingy. But the guts of it A group of people share something of value. When one of them dies The surviving members divvy up the share between them. Something like that, yeah. So, where, once, 10 people owned the Nyman farm, now there are - Seven. - SHEPHERD: Mm. Or six, depending on the whereabouts of Magnus Nyman. Okay, so, let's say there are seven. What was once a 10% share is now a BREEN: 14. [SCENE_BREAK] I'm quite good at doing maths in my head. Okay, Mr. Maths Genius, what does the remaining person get? [SCENE_BREAK] - SHEPHERD: You are good. But does that include spouses? BREEN: No. A share in a tontine is a right of survivorship to only those within the original group. How apt. BREEN: But who are all these people? So Okay, so, we've got the sons, Lester and Trevor. Okay. And then there's the brother, Magnus, and the nephews, Jethro and Oscar. Got that. Uh, but then there's this other family? We learned he had kids to this other woman over in Riverstone when he was dying. Wasted on pills, he decided to tell us. First time I ever laid eyes on them was at the funeral. That added to the fun. The mother of this second family Is she still around? Dead. Years ago. Like most of the women in Dad's life. Okay, other family. I got that. But then, there's this half brother? SIMS: From yet another mother. Up north. Did you meet Dion Waters at your father's funeral, too? Nah. He didn't crawl out of the woodwork until the will reading. SHEPHERD: And he's definitely your father's son? Yeah. Got the DNA tests and everything to prove it. And Dion's mother? Going back to that thing about my dad and the women he shacked up with She has passed away? BREEN: And then? SHEPHERD: Trusted family retainer. And one gets the sense that she wears the pants around the farm. Not unusual to reward someone like that in a will, I'd say. But then, what the hell did Reverend Greene do to earn it? That is a good question. Okay. [Clears throat.] I get that there's motive. Millions of dollars' worth of motive, if you wind up owning the farm. And, yes, there are some dead bodies and some missing people. But we still don't have any actual murders, - do we? - [Cellphone rings.] Or maybe we do. Gina? So, with Lester Nyman, it wasn't a heart attack? Yes, it was a heart attack. A big one. It basically exploded. But why his heart exploded It's interesting. - Which is? - Caffeine. Lester Nyman had extreme levels of caffeine in his blood. So the guy drank too much coffee? KADINSKY: No. We are talking off the scale. Also elevated levels of salbutamol. Asthma medication. - Lester was also asthmatic? - Yes. And he had no sense of taste. Is that a medical thing? Taste, as in taste, smell. No bad fashion sense. Well, you could argue that with the Lycra. There's nothing wrong with Lycra on men. He gets hit on the head as a boy. Loses the sense of smell and taste. It happens. How is this important? He drank some kind of energy drink from this bottle. So much caffeine. Anyone with the sense of taste, it would be way too bitter. Because Lester couldn't taste anything He drinks, and the asthma medicine, salbutamol, opens up the blood vessels, which allow the caffeine an easy run straight to his heart. So he did drink too much caffeine. KADINSKY: Way too much caffeine. Well above anything you would expect. Second point He not only drank it. Remember the rash on his bottom? - Well, hard not to. - KADINSKY: An allergic reaction, most likely to caffeine in his shorts. - Sorry? - His padding in his shorts was soaked in a caffeine solution. So he's also absorbing through the skin and up through his bottom. So much caffeine invading system. Tick, tick, tick. Boom! Heart explodes. So this wasn't an accident? A caffeine solution must be made and then put in the shorts. How can that be accident? I think now we have a homicide. [Mid-tempo music plays.] Yeah, but how can we prove number one? Especially since the murder weapon has been roasted and eaten with Yorkshire pudding. Good point. Sorry. That was a bad joke. No, I know. But it may not be number one. We need to look into that. - Another possibility. - Yes? Tammie Nyman, wife of Lester. As I mentioned, she was odd when I told her of Lester's death. Are you sure you don't want me to come in? I'm happy to stay. No. Um No, I-I need to call people. - Thank you. - Right. Again, our condolences. Thanks. [Door closes.] Talk to her again, and we will start talking to the rest. Along what lines, exactly? Oh, let's just call it loose ends for now. What loose ends? Just routine. That's all. In the case of any unexpected death, there are always questions, I'm afraid. - Lester's death was unexpected? - Wasn't it? I'd been telling him for bloody years to ease up, but no. Always had to keep on pushing it. You mean with his medical history? Yes, with his medical history. Well, some people deal with mortality by pretending it doesn't exist. No, it was more than that with him. He always had to meet it head on, challenge it. Survival of the fittest. It's what his ruthless father drilled into him. His father, who committed suicide? Yeah. Is that irony? Yeah, I guess it is. TAMMIE: So, what are your routine questions? Or are you already asking them? The gear Lester was wearing - His MAMIL outfit? - Sorry? Middle-Aged Man in Lycra. [Chuckles.] Right. Well, there was a rash. It might have been a reaction to something in his shorts. A loose end, as I say, in determining the cause of death. And nothing to do with me. - I wasn't saying that it was. - No, I mean, it was literally nothing to do with me. All of his cycling gear, from his stinky clothes to his bloody bike I never touched any of it. It was his department. Right. Okay. Is that all your loose ends? Not quite. There were quite high levels of caffeine in Lester's bloodstream. TAMMIE: That'll be his foul-tasting drink. You'll need to talk to his cousin about that. - Which cousin? - Oscar. Owns High Health in town. That's where he bought it from. It's horrendous stuff. But, of course, Lester had no sense of taste. [Sighs.] I hope that's the last of your loose ends, Detective, 'cause I've got other things I need to do. [Door closes.] Yeah, it hasn't been a stellar few months for our family. Starting with your uncle's suicide. Oh, I guess. But Karl always preached controlling your own destiny. And then Manu Collins. I only met him a couple of times. Bit of an idiot was my take. And then your brother. Yeah. Well, that was his own bloody fault. Jethro liked two things in life getting pissed and hooning 'round on his Jet Ski. Not two things that should go together, in my book. And now your cousin Lester. Yeah, Lester knew the risks. Every time he came in here, I'd lecture him, and he'd just laugh it off. Not one to listen. So when he and Trev took off that day, it was typical. He never could back down from a challenge. You were on the ride that day? Oh, yeah. Like every other Sunday. You were not one of the riders spoken to at the top of the hill. Oh, I don't normally do that climb. Yeah, too much like hard work. No, I rode back to my car, packed up, and headed home like usual. Am I one of these loose ends you're asking about? No. So, was there anything unusual about the ride that day? You mean apart from Lester dying? Yeah, apart from that. Actually, there was. Yeah, before we left. Lester and that meathead Dion, they were going at it big-time, and eventually that lawyer woman, she must have told them to pull their heads in. And what? What are you gonna do? - Sort him out. - Piss off, mate. That bloody clown is gonna ruin everything if we don't get together and stop him. What exactly was it that was gonna be ruined? Lester's plans for the family farm. Which were? Parcel it up, sell it off. And what did this Dion guy want? No idea. He shot past us on the road that day. [Horn honks.] - Animal! - OSCAR: Jesus! But I haven't seen him 'round since. No great loss. Is he one of these, uh, loose ends? [Breathes deeply.] Maybe he is. Thanks very much. [Suspenseful music plays.] [Snoring.] - Reverend? - Hmm? Yes? What? - Detective. - Morning. Communing with a higher power, were we? In a manner of speaking, I suppose. [Sighs.] I had a terrible night's sleep last night. SHEPHERD: Well, it's good to see you back. I never really left. But I thought, with our dealings last time GREENE: No, no. The church is very accepting these days. One might go so far as to say progressive. And also short-staffed. How can I help? SHEPHERD: Lester Nyman. He died over the weekend. Yes, I'm aware of that. Madison Mathers, the lawyer acting for the estate, contacted me yesterday. About the tontine? It's, um It's happening, isn't it? SHEPHERD: What is? Someone's killing off the other members. What makes you think that? GREENE: Now every time Ms. Mathers calls me to sign the new distribution document Three times now. I can't help but wonder if I'll be next. - Hence the sleepless night? - Nights. To die for something you didn't want in the first place It plays on the mind. How did you become a part of the tontine? In the last few months of his life, Karl Nyman started attending services. He would sit at the back, making notes. Then, afterwards, he would I don't think "interrogate me" is too strong a term about my sermon. Everything you say is propaganda for a God that doesn't exist. I'd like to think I gave people some semblance of hope. And when they die, they'll go to some magical kingdom in the sky? Hogwash! The life you make for yourself here on Earth is the only one you'll ever have! I must say, there were some days when he almost convinced me. So, why did he then leave you 10% of everything he owned? I wondered that myself until I read his letter. What letter is this? GREENE: At the will reading, everyone received a letter from Karl Nyman. SHEPHERD: And what did this letter say? It repeated things Karl had said to my face that I was a snake-oil salesman for a false god and he hoped that, through the inheritance, I would come to understand the error of my ways. How exactly would it do that? At first, I thought it meant that I would be tormented by guilt at receiving such an undeserved bequest. Then people started dying and I realized it was a death threat. It was Karl Nyman saying I would, one day, learn there is no heaven, there is no God. Oh. Not that Karl Nyman was ever going to get to meet him. There's another place for people like that. Not a big fan, Mrs. Marlowe? Oh, the whole lot of them. They were never any good. And the things that went on on that farm Such as? Oh, I couldn't possibly say. These four walls? No, I'd rather not say. But what I will say is that they both have a very dark streak. Karl and Magnus? Two peas in a rotten pod in my book. I'd keep as far away from that mob as possible, if I were you. Thank you for the moral support, Jean. According to Reverend Greene, Karl Nyman didn't believe in God. I'm not sure that helps anything. Any luck with Jethro Nyman's wife? SIMS: Um, in a manner of speaking. What? Kristin? What is Jools Fahey doing in there? Well, you may ask. - Oh. Detective Sims. - Jools. [Crying.] She's not? She is. Or was briefly. - Here you go. - Thank you. Sorry about that. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by it all. It's been a difficult time. So, what are these loose ends? Just a few questions about Jethro. Seems a bit late. We buried what was left of him weeks ago. Your marrying Jethro is obviously a recent thing. Three months. After Mitch died, I swore I wouldn't get involved with anyone. I thought, "That's it. I mean, that is it. " No more sadness. No more heartbreak. But there he was in this bar young, handsome, passionate. Or so I thought. In terms of that day, do you remember anything out of the ordinary? I wasn't here for most of it. I was out of town. - Most of it? - I left that morning. For some time out. - Uh, time out from? - Him. And where did you go? I was in Hamilton. Visiting my mother. When her last husband died She was in Hamilton, visiting her mother. Time for a chat, indeed. I didn't kill him, if that's what you're thinking. SHEPHERD: Not at all. I didn't need to. He was doing a good job of that himself. With the drinking. God, worst mistake of my life. I admit Jethro was something of a rebound from Mitch. Bit of a whirlwind romance. But it turned out he only had two passions in his life, not three. - They being? - JOOLS: [Scoffs.] His wretched Jet Ski, surpassed only by booze. Oh, the endless drinking. And the third should have been you? Yes. But two's company. Three's a crowd. SHEPHERD: When was the last time you saw Jethro? Breakfast that day. He was drinking in anticipation of his lunch meeting in Riverstone. SHEPHERD: Meeting about what? Some hush-hush thing about the farm he inherited. Not that it was hush-hush when he had a few in him. And this thing was? They were planning on turning the farm into this lodge and golf course. SIMS: And when you say "they" JOOLS: Jethro and his cousin Lester the one who died this weekend. But Jethro only inherited 1/10 of the farm. - Not the whole thing. - He and Lester were working on the others to bring them 'round and to stick it to Karl Nyman. That's what the meeting was about. So this lunch in Riverstone was with Lester? JOOLS: No idea. He didn't say. Any idea how the meeting went? We spoke on the phone in the afternoon, but he didn't mention it. He was moaning about feeling ill. I told him to go to the doctor. But the fool took his stupid Jet Ski out instead. The police said he must have run out of petrol when he was way out at sea, that he had the choice of waiting there and probably dying of hypothermia or trying to swim back and probably drowning. When you say Jethro and Lester wanted to "stick it to Karl Nyman" Because of the letters telling them how pathetic they were. Sadly, as you know, I've been here before. I thought you'd probably want to see it. You are very thorough, Detective. Did Jethro explain how his inheritance involving the farm worked? JOOLS: The tontine? Oh, yes. I knew I wasn't part of it. I didn't want his money. As I said, I wanted a fresh start, but c'est la vie. You don't want to buy a Jet Ski, do you? The Coastguard brought it back, and I don't want it. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Well, the rest home in Hamilton confirms that Jools Fahey was where she said she was. She really needs to stop visiting her mother. [Sighs.] Yes. Uh, the coroner's report for Jethro Nyman. Cause of death drowning, although hypothermia may have been a close second. Um, much of this is pretty inconclusive. Which is what you get when you've been in the ocean - for the best part of a week. - But he was not a well man at the time of his death, if that makes sense. Uh, he had bleeding in the stomach, and his liver was completely shot. Consistent with his reputation for being an alcoholic stress merchant. SHEPHERD: Karl Nyman. Definitely suicide? Ah, confirmed. He had advanced melanoma. Several operations later, and it was a losing battle. He called his doctor on the morning and told him he was going to "do what the bloody quacks couldn't manage and fix this b*st*rd thing once and for all. " He wrote a note cursing everything and everyone on this wretched earth and went out to the barn and SIMS: And he did love a good note. This was given to Jethro Nyman at the will reading. According to Reverend Greene, everyone got one. Well, this one says that Jethro lived a valueless life as a vain, arrogant wastrel. Uncle Karl hoped that this inheritance would teach Jethro once and for all the value of hard work and discipline. BREEN: Does this mean I have to go back and see Tammie Nyman? She really doesn't like me. Afraid so. Any more sightings of the missing Dion Waters and his missing Bimmer? So, I called his mobile number. No reply. Left a message. I called his home number in the city. No reply. Left a message. Half an hour later, I get a call from the drug squad, asking why I'm interested in one Dion Waters. Turns out he's been on their radar for a while, and they're very interested in where he's been disappearing - for the last few weeks. - Because? BREEN: He has a degree in chemistry, but he's chosen to use his education to manufacture and distribute meth. Ah. Current score three dead. But one definite homicide. SHEPHERD: Hmm. And two missing in action. What about Awhina Collins? SIMS: Yeah, I'm heading over to Riverstone tomorrow - to talk to her. - SHEPHERD: Good. And I want to read as many of those letters that we can get our hands on. Do you think Karl Nyman is doing this from beyond the grave? There's a thought. Maybe his vengeful spirit inhabited the bull. I heard that. For God's sakes, what is it now?! Just one thing, and then I'll be out of your hair. - For now. - What? BREEN: Karl Nyman's will reading. Was Lester, by any chance, given a letter from his uncle? Yes. Why? Would you happen to have this letter? Yes. Going back to the "why" OSCAR: I've left the rescue remedy on the table. Oh. Detective. Oscar. Glad to see you're doing so well, considering. Thank you. You're very kind. As I was saying, the letter would be helpful to our investigation. Investigation into what precisely? All we get when we ask your senior is that there are suspicious circumstances. I can't go into details as yet. Will this bloody letter help get my husband's body released so we can have a funeral? - Hopefully, yes. - TAMMIE: Fine. Did you also receive a letter at the will reading? Everyone did. Read mine and chucked it away. Because? He was a sad old man spewing his vitriol about what a disappointing waste of space I am and hoping the inheritance would finally make a man out of me. And has it? Are you seriously asking me that question? Well, I mean, the farm is quite a valuable asset to inherit. It must have changed your life in some respects. I don't want anything to do with that cursed place. - You think it's cursed? - My mother died there, and then my father was cheated out of his share by Karl. That place has done nothing good for me. Here. Happy? OSCAR: [Sighs.] It's the only one I have of my father. And it was the last time I saw him alive. A necessary technique in keeping us a secret, I guess. - Here. - Thanks. I see you have a science degree. Yeah. So? Well, you said you worked in change management. The degree was all about getting the old man off my back. Science was very much his thing. SIMS: I thought that farming was his thing. Who says the two can't be one and the same? That's how he met my mother at a symposium on organic pesticides. - She's a scientist, too? - She was. Now she's dead. Now it's just me. Now, if you have a point, please get to it. I have a flight to catch. I won't hold you up for much longer. No, you won't, because there's nothing more I can tell you about some people I met, for the most part, only once. For the most part? Yeah, the Jet Ski one. Jethro Nyman. Yeah. He called me. Told me he had a scheme about the farm. Something I'd be a fool to miss out on. He hasn't gotten back to me. Because he's dead. Along with Lester and Manu and Dad. Now, if you don't mind, I really have to go. Thanks. [Tami Neilson's "Smoking Gun" plays.] Skeletons rattle inside Dark and dirty closets 'neath the Hollywood sign Paid up their ransom in flesh To the piper with the power to destroy or bless Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Can I help you, Detective? There was no one at the house. Oh, that's the thing about farming There's always things to do. Any chance of a cup of tea? I'm sure I can manage that. It really is a beautiful piece of land, isn't it? TREVOR: Who says prisons have to be ugly? Is that what it is to you? On a bad day. SHEPHERD: And today's a bad day? Been better. Look, mostly what I mean is, this place has been my whole life. Apart from going to uni. What did you study? BSc in bio science. I loved it. But then it was straight back here to help out the old man. So much for education, eh? Why didn't you contest the will? Surely you and your brother had rights to this place - that the others didn't. - For starters [Sighs.] Lester walked away from this farm years ago. Broke Dad's so-called heart, the golden boy turning his back on destiny. I think that's what started this whole tontine nonsense in the first place. Lester didn't want to contest it? He did. But I said no. - Why? - I was advised not to. By who? Someone who knows about that stuff. Here's some food for you while you're having your chat. Thank you. While I have you both, the letters that were distributed at the reading of the will Any chance I could have a read of them? What Karl wrote to me as he was dying is both private and personal. You will need a court order and the Armed Offenders Squad before I let anyone else read it. - Right? - Right. I didn't think it was quite that important. Trevor? I didn't get a letter. I thought everyone did. Yeah, everyone but me. Does that seem odd to you? No. It speaks volumes about what my father thought of me. SHEPHERD: How so? After all these years of working the farm every day running the place single-bloody-handedly, do you know what he put down as my occupation in his will? Unemployed. That is precisely how much my father rated me. So, no, I didn't get a letter. Thank you for seeing me. That's quite all right, Detective. SHEPHERD: Karl Nyman's will. Yes. How can I help? Why didn't the Nyman brothers contest it? It seems to me they would have had a good case. You should ask them that. One of them's dead. Forgive me. You should ask Trevor that. I'm asking you, as the executor. And as executor, I worked on behalf of Karl Nyman. It would be improper for me to give any legal advice to any of the beneficiaries. Well, actually, Trevor said he took advice. MADISON: Interesting. Did he say who from? - No. - Well, then I guess the idea was rejected. On what grounds, do you think? MADISON: Like I said, I wouldn't know. SHEPHERD: I see. Hypothetically, if he had asked you, would you have thought there were grounds to challenge? Off the record? From what I know, I would say yes, but he didn't approach me. - I see. - I'm sorry. But it seems I can't help you after all. No, it all helps. When Karl Nyman asked you to be executor, was the tontine his idea? MADISON: Oh, more or less. I mean, he came to me with a concept of how he wanted to share his estate. And I recognized it in legal terms as something resembling the notion of a tontine. I helped him structure it that way. He seemed satisfied. Something a bit different from a usual will. MADISON: Let's just say it was more interesting than your typical sale and purchase agreement on a three-bedroom brick-and-tile. Mm. I bet. When he set up the tontine, it's like he knew that the inevitable outcome was that they would start knocking each other off to get to the prize. That is so dark. These letters, each one of them, is a challenge. "If you want the farm, earn it. Do whatever it takes. " Well, that means, logically, there could be more than one killer. It could. Okay, potential poisoners. Oscar Nyman, again. We know that he was on the bike ride, and he's the one that sold Lester the energy-drink stuff. He could have switched the drink bottles. Oscar Nyman, who I'm pretty sure is getting it on with Lester's wife. Which is why he left the bike ride. Yeah, for a little afternoon delight. Double motive. Also, Awhina Collins has a BSc. As does Trevor Nyman. As does the missing Dion Waters. And where the hell is Magnus? Indeed. We could just let it all play out, arrest the last one standing. Okay, I meant That's one of those things I meant to say in my head and didn't mean to say out loud. SHEPHERD: Keep up the good work, Breen. Ah. Here for a sing-along, Detective? Uh, perhaps later. I need you to tell me about the Nyman brothers. What makes you think I know anything about those two reprobates? Well, you know that much about them, for starters. And I suspect, as always, you know a good deal more. Well, in the day, there was talk about all manner of parties at the farm. Oh, not that Rufus and I ever went, you understand. Of course. The men would drink and play cards, and the women would dance and drink. And then, later, they would pair up. - Pair up? - Well, it was the '70s. Car keys in the fruit bowl. That sort of carry-on. And then there was the drugs. Really? Karl would grow all sorts of things around the house and then experiment with them. - Marijuana? - [Laughing.] Oh! Child's play. He gave my friend Tilly Mathers datura cigarettes to cure her asthma. Which it did. But she went blind for three days. Tilly Mathers? Related to Madison Mathers? Mother. Oh, she was never the same after that. Lost her sense of humor. Sounds like Karl was a bit of a hippie in his day. MRS. MARLOWE: Oh, Karl changed when Mary died. - And Mary was his wife? - Yeah. She died in childbirth. Complications with young Trevor. What happened between him and his brother Magnus? They used to run the farm together, right? Oh, that all fell apart with Anna. - Anna? - Magnus' wife. She was drowned in a pond on the farm during one of the parties, leaving behind two little ones, Oscar and Jethro. And Karl took over the farm. Which was odd, because Magnus was the actual farmer. [Door opens.] Any idea where Magnus is now? I heard he was killing for a living. - Reverend Greene. - I should specify. - Killing, as in hunting. - I see. GREENE: The brothers, knowing they couldn't bear to be in each other's presence, settled the matter of the farm over a game of cards. And, presumably, Karl won. By cheating, so I've heard. And Magnus vowed that, one day, the farm would be his again. Wherever he is. GREENE: Well, he won't have to go through me to claim it. I've just signed the paperwork relinquishing my share of the property. That's quite a fortune you're bravely running away from. I'm relatively happy with my lot as it is, thank you. A bunch of reprobates, as I said. [Organ plays.] [Clears throat.] I'll take my leave. SIMS: Well, I hope for Reverend Greene's sake that the offender is checking his messages. Or, sensing the noose closing, the reverend's trying to throw us off the scent. The noose is closing, is it? Slowly. Maybe. Lester's funeral is set for tomorrow. With Reverend Greene presiding, by the way. That could be interesting. Everyone in the same room again. Some idiot has just taken out the town sign. - [Chuckles.] - OFFICER: Any units available? Repeating black BMW versus road sign - on Riverstone Road. - Black BMW? CIB to comms. Do you have a rego on the Bimmer? OFFICER: Affirmative. Hotel, Echo, Yankee 498. Copy that. I've got this. - Detective. - Hey, Chris. MAN: Lights out, I'm afraid. Oh, thanks. Boss. Yeah, it was Dion Waters. Another one down, I'm afraid. DIANE: I did what I do with anyone renting the place. I met Mr. Waters, gave him the usual spiel about what to do and what not to do, gave him the key, and let them to it. - Them? - Him and the lawyer from town who arranged everything. Madison Mathers? DIANE: Yes, that's it. - And when was this? - Middle of last week. Wednesday, I think. How long did Mr. Waters pay for? He prepaid for a month. That's a bit unusual, isn't it? - For a place like this. - He said he had work here and didn't know how long it would take. It's the off-season, so any booking's a good one. - Sure, it is. - It's a home-and-income setup. - All aboveboard. - Of course. I pay tax. We're not interested in your tax status, Diane. - Not that I want to - Thanks for your help. Well. It's not your usual holiday getaway, is it? Look, I greet the guests. I tidy up after them. What they do while they're here is nothing to do with me. - Mm. - I want that on the record. - Of course. - Is it on the record? Very much. Thanks, Diane. You've been a big help. It really needs to be on the record. We'll be in touch if we need anything else. BREEN: That's enough meth in there to speed up time. KADINSKY: He's so full of toxins. He has to be decontaminated before I can get stuck in. Right. That explains this. KADINSKY: A little trick I learned working as an intern on the outskirts of Chernobyl. - The toxins being meth? - KADINSKY: And much more. Exactly what, toxicology will confirm. And this was strapped to his abdomen. I'm thinking taking it out of the bag is a bad idea. Mm. There are so many things in there that could kill you. So many. I'll take that as a yes. Can you read this? Something about "wasting your talent," uh, "living in a void of your own making" and "getting out of the void or live there forever. " Same theme as the others. Take what you want, earn it before someone else does. Kill or be killed. Or kill yourself in the process. [Mid-tempo music plays.] MADISON: How can I help you, Detective? SHEPHERD: The bach that you rented for Dion Waters. The one he turned into some kind of drug lab. You know about this already? I've had the owner on the phone. - She wasn't happy. - I bet. But you arranged it, according to their records. Well, I didn't know he was gonna start cooking meth there, did I? I'll take your word for it. I was doing Trevor Nyman a favor. I felt sorry for him. That's very nice of you. After the will reading, Manu Collins and Dion Waters decided that, seeing they were equal owners of the farm, that gave them the right to stay. Manu, as we know, didn't stay long, but Dion was showing no signs of leaving. He was also showing the signs you'd expect from someone with a serious drug problem. So you stepped in. Trevor was grateful, and Dion was happy enough, for obvious reasons. It gave him a place to set up his operation. - Clearly. - Which you paid for. [Sighs.] Don't mistake me for a saint, Detective. As executor of the estate, I'm entitled to draw reasonable expenses. I solved a problem. I will be reimbursed. Of course. So, middle of last week, you solved the Dion problem, but he doesn't go quietly into the night, does he? Dion had some interesting ideas about what to do with the Nyman farm. So Lester Nyman asked for a meeting - before his bike ride. - DION: Come on! There's no way that you or your P-junkie buddies are gonna sort out rave up here! And what? What are you gonna do? - Sort him out. - Piss off, mate. MADISON: It was not received well by Mr. Waters. Then everyone went their own way. End of story. Well, for Lester and Dion, it was. Sorry. Are we about done here? I do have other things to attend to. Of course. Witnesses say Dion Waters hit the Brokenwood sign at an estimated 20 kilometers an hour. SIMS: Swerved off the road. Died at the wheel. BREEN: Initial autopsy reports suggest he suffered multiple organ failure, including liver, kidney, spleen. Consistent with a number of poisons. Including ricin, which was found in both its natural form SIMS: The humble castor bean. BREEN: and in a more processed form SIMS: Basically by grinding it up. amongst the many other poisonous items - in Dion Waters' lab. - Death cap mushrooms, datura, - deadly nightshade, hemlock. - Basically if it's poisonous and it grows in New Zealand, it was in that room. As well as a container of caffeine powder. Don't you two have a funeral to attend? Aren't you coming, too? You take this one. Sure. Yeah. We'll [Organ plays.] [Music continues.] [Tami Neilson's "Devil in a Dress" plays.] White smoke curling from her lips Ruby red cherry on her fingertips Tight-skirt wiggle when she walks Curses like a sailor every time she talks She's a devil or an angel sweet Heart of innocence or villainy One-dimensional fantasy Here to curse or bless A damsel in distress Or just a devil in a dress MRS. McTAVISH: Are you lost, Detective? I was hoping to have a word with Trevor. He's at his brother's funeral, as I'm sure you know. Right. Is that today? You're not there yourself. MRS. McTAVISH: The next funeral I attend will be my own, and I'm not planning on that happening for some time to come. SHEPHERD: I bet. So, what happened here? MRS. McTAVISH: There was a building, and it burned down. - When was this? - The other night. Do you have any papers that says you're allowed to be standing on my land? You think of it as your land? I've lived here most of my life. Yeah, my land. And you're a member of the tontine. 20%, I believe - as of now. - You know someone is killing off the beneficiaries of the will, right? Let them try. - Fair enough. - Can I escort you back to your vehicle, Detective? Ah. I was just checking to see there wasn't a round up the spout. I'd hate to accidentally shoot you in the back, Detective. Not as much as I would hate to be shot. What was that building that burned down? Oh, been there for years and years. A sort of workroom. What sort of work? It's a farm! Farm work. Look. I've never been what you'd might call a big fan of the police, so I am not doing your work for you. What if it stops more people dying? Given the quality of the deceased, are you sure whoever it is isn't doing the planet a favor? I just don't want you to be next, Mrs. McTavish. I take it from that you don't think I'm the killer. [Chuckles.] Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand Till we have built Jerusalem In England's green and pleasant land [Music ends.] I would like to invite Lester's brother, Trevor, to say a few words. [Sighs.] Sorry, brother. You were wrong. [Sniffles.] When we were kids, Lester said to me that he was gonna live forever. But he thought if he believed it enough, he could make it true. And that was kind of how he lived Good of you to turn up, Dad. [Slurred.] I've been busy. Jethro He died, too. Were you too busy for his funeral? Did you miss me? Your own son. And you didn't even show. Oh, stop whining. Now you can pork Lester's wife whenever you want without having to sneak around behind his back. - Called it. - You old b*st*rd! - MAGNUS: [Laughs.] - GREENE: Please! This is a house of God! [Thud.] There's one thing I don't understand. Just the one? Why would Karl send letters from beyond the grave to everyone except his son Trevor? Who said he didn't get a letter? He did. Well, maybe his father didn't need to send him one. - Maybe he didn't. - Or maybe I was mistaken when I saw the lawyer hand Trevor a letter in the house there after the reading. Why would he tell me he didn't get one? Pity he isn't here to answer that. SHEPHERD: Good funeral? Any more bodies to add to the tally? No, but we do have Magnus Nyman in custody. For what? Yeah, piss off, you old b*st*rd! [Engine starts.] Oi! Prick! [Engine shuts off.] It's not gonna happen, Mr. Nyman. Is he sober enough for me to talk to him? Um you should probably take a look at his ute first. I think the Nyman family motto is "if it moves, kill it. " Magnus says the last time he saw anyone was Karl's funeral. Claims he went bush after that. He's been there ever since. Can anyone vouch for this? "Drunk bastards in the occasional pubs" were his exact words. You all right there, Mr. Nyman? [SCENE_BREAK] I'm resting my eyes. Good for you. I'm Detective Shepherd. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions? I can't guarantee the answers. Fair enough. You say you went bush after your brother's funeral. I felt the need. You were out there a fair old time. If you know how, the land will provide. SHEPHERD: I'm sure. You were a bit of a hippie back in the day, I believe. You confuse me with my brother. - Do I? - Common mistake. He was the one that was into all that stuff. I just kept my head down and got on with things. Farming. MAGNUS: He was the idealist, and I was the realist. I've never heard Karl described as an idealist. The thing about ideals, Detective, is, the longer you hold them, the more they become twisted. At the will reading, there were some letters from Karl. - Did you get one? - He did like to inflict his world view on others. Apparently the lawyer's got some stuff for me to sign, so it's probably on her desk. Are you familiar with the nature of a tontine? Yes. And now you're thinking I'm the one knocking off everyone else. Is that what's happening? I am a drunk, Detective. I am not stupid. Karl killed to get the farm, so whoever wants it after him should do the same. Makes sense to me. Sorry. He killed to get the farm? He drove my wife to her death. Kept feeding her drugs to mess up her head. Pushed her over the edge. May not have been murder, but it was near it, damn it. That's why you walked off. You heard he won it in a card game? - I did. - He was a cheating b*st*rd. Are we done here, Detective? I've got a bender to get back to. Okay, but I think we'll keep hold of your ute for now. MAGNUS: Whatever you like. The pub's within walking distance. And once you're finished with your bender? There's a few people I want to catch up with. For old times' sake. As requested, the phone records for everyone in the tontine since the will reading. - Treat yourself. - Ta. [Guitar music plays.] Things went and got tricky then You couldn't seem - To let me in - [Knock on door.] - Just me. - Jared. Yeah, I've got this cracker little Central Otago Pinot Noir. Boutique winery. They're doing crazy things with oak barrels and kawakawa. I'd be mad to say no. Well, I'll do the honors, then, eh? SHEPHERD: You do that. JARED: You doing one of those Sudoku things? Well, in a manner of speaking, I guess I am. Part of an investigation, eh? Yes. Yeah, that makes sense. I've always thought you were a cryptic crossword kind of guy. [Both chuckle.] Oof! Mmm. Do you know the Nyman farm? Did someone off crazy Karl? No. He offed himself. But it just looked like suicide when, actually, it was the son who he fell out with. The intense one. Yeah, what's his name? Lester. I always thought Lester was on the dodgy side of Dodgeville. No, it was actual suicide, - and Lester's dead. - Oh. Okay, have you talked to his loser of a cousin, Jethro? He would definitely fit any murder profile. Jethro is also dead. Man, I can see why you're burning the midnights. You seem to know a lot about the Nymans. Me? Nah. Well, maybe there was a time when I was young, some people I knew not me just some people I knew well, they would go up there and pick magic mushrooms. Is that crazy lady with the gun still up there? Mrs. McTavish? Yes, Jared, she is. - Not that I ever met her. - Mm. Jared, can I ask you a question? Yeah. Fire away, Mike. Where the hell have you been for the last year? That's a bit of a long story, that one. [Mouse clicks.] Uh, don't bother. The bull acted alone. Death by misadventure. It's the only explanation that fits. - Mm. - Did you get that stuff I asked? Uh, yes. Hey, had you had a few last night when you called? Only a couple. Of a fine Pinot courtesy of Jared Morehu. Jared? Oh, yeah? What's he been up to? Walking. A lot. Yeah. You remember I was in the coma, right? - I do. - And then I came out and went to live with my whanau to recover? - Last time I saw you. - Yeah. Well, they were doing my head in, so I decided to walk the Te Araroa Trail. The one that runs the entire length of the country? Yeah, yeah. That one. Okay. That is a lot of walking. So, does this mean that we're investigating another homicide now? No. It means we're investigating another motive. I thought we had plenty of motive. Well, you can never have too much motive. SIMS: Okay, so it's like a Pinot, then, is it? - And? - Yes, I drove to Riverstone last night, and, yes, I found the right restaurant, and, yes, there was a staff member there who I. D. 'd both the photos. - Both photos? - Both photos. Though they primarily remember him, because he was, in their words, "a colossal ass. " Brilliant. Time for a wee drive, I think. Sorry if it was a bit late when I called last night. Were you a bit squiffy? - Squiffy? - Three sheets to the wind. You sounded very jolly. When things fall into place, it puts me in a good mood, that's all. Yeah, a few wines does that to me, too. But I have to sleep with one eye open these days. No surprise. - Make the call. - Mm-hmm. - Detective. - Good morning, Trevor. - Something happened? - Maybe. - I need your help. - How? SHEPHERD: Do you mind if we walk and talk? I always think better when I walk and talk. Yep. See, the thing is, Trevor, sometimes I'm a bit slow. I mean, the answer can be staring me in the face, and I just can't see it. That's why it took me ages to figure this one out. - Okay. - It's only when I realized that the answer was in the question that, well, things started to make sense. That's when I started doing this. The numbers 1 to 10 'round the edge That's you lot, the members of the tontine. And the numbers in the squares the who could possibly have killed who. Like a Sudoku kind of thing. Apparently, though not my thing. Anyway, I started with the first murder Manu Collins. Oh, that wasn't murder. I told you. - He ran at the bull. - Don't worry. I know that now. That's why I drew a wee bull's head in the square. See? My first emoji. I still think the bull's important. I just haven't figured out how yet. Okay, so, what's with the red line? That's those of you still left in nothing but numerical order. For instance, you could be next. Oh, I'm not saying you will be. Just for argument's sake, let's say you are, so could Lester kill you? - Well, no, he's already dead. - Ah. As is Jethro, Manu, and Dion. Whereas Oscar here could kill you. Oh, you think it might be Oscar? Well, I'm not saying he would, just that hecould, according to my graph. Okay, yeah, I get it. - This is quite clever. - Thanks. But it turns out that my little Sudoku thing here wasn't as easy as I thought, you know, because, with everyone being poisoned, the time of death and the actual murder, when the poison was administered, are two different events. - But Jethro drowned. - Well, yes, he did. Which was a stroke of luck for the offenders. His plight washed away the evidence literally. But he was most definitely poisoned. - As was Lester. - Jesus. It was Dion, then? I mean, you found his lab, right? SHEPHERD: We certainly did find his lab. We did, indeed, find everything we could possibly need to pin the murders on Dion Waters in the pop-up lab. - But you know what we didn't find? - Yeah. Fingerprints. On the equipment. They were wiped clean. Every beaker, every piece of glassware. His fingerprints were everywhere else, just not on the lab gear. Yeah, well, if he was making poisons, he would have been wearing gloves. That would be the logical explanation. Hm. Dion was staying here, right? Until I asked Ms. Mathers to find someplace else, yes. And he was here all the time up until then? - He'd come and go. - Do you know where he went, when he was gone? - No. - SHEPHERD: He was up in the city under surveillance by the drug squad. According to their records, he was there the day Jethro was poisoned. - Well, you know when that was? - Yes. I thought you said it was hard to figure that stuff out. - When someone was poisoned. - Trevor, even though it appears that all roads lead to Dion, they don't. When did this happen? TREVOR: Uh, three-or-so nights ago. And what was this place? Just a storage shed. So, what caused the fire? An electrical fault, I'd say. Did you call the Fire Service? By the time I discovered it, the time it would have taken them to get here, there was no point. Ah. A fact of farming life. Look, Detective, if all these roads and your little graph here, if they don't lead to Dion, - then who do they lead to? - [Sighs.] Well, mainly, they lead to Magnus. Yeah, yeah. I can see that. But I think if Magnus Nyman was killing people, it would be a bit more brutal. So you are next on my list. Well, I-I don't know what to say that. - How about "I didn't do it"? - Well, yeah, of course. Or "I did do it"? Either way, Trevor, I don't think, at heart, you're a murderer. I don't think you've got the strength it takes to take another human life. Well, not face-to-face. That's when I realized that this was, well not exactly a waste of time, but it was leading me up the wrong path. If you're not here to arrest me, why are you here, Detective? I want you to come down to the station, answer a couple of questions, get your story on record. You don't have to do that. You don't have to go with him. SHEPHERD: All I want is a statement on the record. You can sit in. In fact, you should, as his lawyer. I'm not his lawyer. SHEPHERD: Well, that's not entirely true, is it? Trevor doesn't have to say a word to you. But I think he wants to. Don't you, Trevor? - A statement. That's all? - Just for the record. I strongly advise against this. Just for the record. Did you see Jethro much after the will reading? Not at all. Didn't he have plans to sell the farm? Lester and him concocted that. I only ever talked to Lester about it. SIMS: So, you were against these plans? Yeah. Must have been quite a shock Get to the top of the hill and see your dead brother. Yeah, it was. But you were aware he had a heart condition? TREVOR: Of course. Everyone was. Everyone told him to take it easy, but he never did. There was a meeting before the ride in the café car park. You were both there, right? - I was. - Yeah. And that was to sort the Dion problem? Yeah. Who called the meeting? Well, I think it was Lester. SHEPHERD: He called you? I guess. I can't remember. The night before, phone records show you called Lester, not the other way 'round. Tammie Nyman also confirmed you called to set up the meeting. Okay, it was It was me. I called Lester, and Dion came up, and I said we should have a meeting - about it A. S. A. P. - Hmm. Seems fair enough. So, who called you, Madison? Again, phone records show no communication between yourself and Trevor or Lester. But you did call Dion on his mobile phone. You accessed my phone records? Yes. You didn't need to call Trevor because you were with Trevor that night. Yes, I was. So you two are in a relationship? - Yes, we are. - SIMS: And how long - has that been going on? - Relatively recently. Since after the will reading? Yes. So? What the hell has this got to do with anything? BREEN: Well, seeing as we have witnesses identifying you as the woman Jethro Nyman was dining with the day he started feeling ill, I would say quite a lot. What the hell is wrong with my hillbilly family that they can't see a great deal when it slaps them in the face, huh? Give me another drink while you're at it. [Breathes deeply.] I need a slash. Okay, that is a completely preposterous suggestion. But you did meet with him? Yes, I did meet with Jethro Nyman, and, yes, I arranged the meeting, because there was tontine paperwork to be signed. And you were with Dion Waters the night before he died, right? You certainly called him that day. MADISON: I'm the executor of the estate. Of course I phone the people involved. We have a witness that saw you leaving the farm that evening. - TREVOR: Okay. - MADISON: Okay, don't. - Just do it! - Consider it done. Right, good. - So? - So, we have a witness who, later that night, saw Trevor load lab equipment into a ute. A witness who claims they saw him. Oh, I think you'll find our witness is very reliable. This, just to be clear, is the night the shed burned down and the night before the lab was discovered in Dion's digs. If Helen McTavish is your witness, then she is certainly not reliable. She stands to gain from the tontine. This interview is over. Come on, Trevor. SHEPHERD: No. I think Trevor's got a few things he wants to get off his chest. Get up and walk out of here. Trevor, they have nothing. No. It's over. Don't you dare. It's done, Madison. Can't you see that? For God's sake, grow a spine. They're trying to get into your head, and you're letting them? Why not? Everyone else is in there. You. Him. I just want to do the right thing by me for once. Detective Sims, please escort Ms. Mathers from the room and take her statement if she has anything further to add. Come with me, please. I thought you were stronger than this. Would you like to consult a lawyer before we start? Don't be ridiculous. BREEN: Trevor, if you wish to consult with a new lawyer, we can wait. I just want to get it over with. You do understand everything you say is admissible as evidence? I understand. What did your letter say? I know you got one. What did your father say to you, Trevor? TREVOR: [Sighs.] SHEPHERD: I need you to tell me. "There's maggots in the meat. " Where the hell did all these people come from? Your father has a very peculiar sense of humor. This is his idea of a joke? Read this. Then you'll understand. - Have you read it? - I have. I've read them all. Between you and me, you've been cheated. Read. And then we'll talk. KARL: "How angry are you, son? Deep down, where it matters, how angry are you?" Stuff about the dream being buggered. And waiting until he died, and all of this was mine. Or at least that was the plan. But now that was over, because "there's maggots in the meat. " KARL: "There's maggots in the meat and blow flies buzzing. Look at them, the fruit of the family loins stupid, vain, arrogant, unworthy. If they were wiped off the face of the planet, it'd be like skimming pond scum off the gene pool. You waited for death to do me in. Now make death your friend and work for it. Work for what's rightfully yours. " My father had a dim view on just about everything, so it wasn't exactly out of character. When did Madison get involved? A few days later. She came over. You know that the other letters were variations on a theme, right? - Sorry? - Well, not all of them, but most of them boiled down to the same thing If you want the whole shooting match, you know what you have to do. Well, should we go to the police about this? [Chuckles.] And say what? I mean, it's not like anyone's died yet. Have they? TREVOR: But it was after the kid died that the idea started to take hold. Manu Collins. She thought I'd somehow engineered it. BREEN: And had you? Kill someone with a bull? Don't be an idiot. But that didn't matter to Madison. To her, it just proved it could be done. And then there were nine. This had nothing to do with me. Does it matter? No one's exactly mourning his death. Well, his sister probably is. Not in the slightest. You know who I actually feel sorry for in this whole situation? You. This place should rightfully be yours. Your brother walked away, so screw him. You stayed true. You should be rewarded. Do you disagree with me? - [Sighs.] - Exactly. You got anything to drink? TREVOR: One thing led to another. How did you decide on Jethro as your first? He was the loudest the most annoying, the most dangerous. This is going to happen, Trev. Okay? One way or another, I will get the others on side, so get your head out of the sand and get on board! What are you waiting for?! SHEPHERD: So you decided to poison him. She made it sound so easy. MADISON: Jethro's death is waiting to happen. If he dropped dead one day, no one would suspect anything other than he drank himself into an early grave. And I know there are things in your lab that won't be traced. And I know you know what to do. And if it's actually slipping him the stuff that's the problem, you can leave that to me. BREEN: So you manufactured the poison? - Yeah. - SHEPHERD: In your lab on the property, which you later torched. And what did you concoct for Jethro? TREVOR: A powder derived from the death cap mushroom. It was meant to take longer for him to die so we could distance ourselves from the event, but the state of his liver accelerated things. And it was Madison who administered the poison? Yeah. I need a slash. TREVOR: It was like you said, when she had lunch with him. Madison Mathers doesn't stand to benefit financially from the tontine, it being a joint tenancy. So? BREEN: So, why was she doing all of this? Do you still have absolutely nothing to say? You know, in the other room, Trevor is telling my colleagues the whole story, don't you? Trevor can tell whatever story he likes. You dined with Jethro Nyman - the day he was poisoned. - Circumstantial. SIMS: Well, that's not how Trevor describes it. If he's guilty of something, perhaps he's too weak to own it. Was it love? You're in love with Trevor, and he made you do it? - [Chuckles.] - What? I don't believe in love. And I don't do the bidding of others. And then there was Lester. Why him? Because he wouldn't leave the idea of selling the farm alone. He had people lined up. He was getting the others on board. And you didn't want to get on? That place is my life. Why should the one who walked away decide what happens to it? Of course, this time, she couldn't do the deed, could she? Not once we decided on the caffeine solution. I was the only one that could spike his drink while we were getting ready. That clown is a bloody menace. - Mm-hmm. - You agree? - TREVOR: Yep. - Putting it in his shorts was a bit of an overkill, though, wasn't it? - Excuse the pun. - TREVOR: Yeah. Well, that wasn't quite meant to go like that. Turns out I'm not very good at this poisoning lark. LESTER: Well, you're the one with him on your bloody couch. - You need to get your - sh1t! LESTER: Tell him to take his stupid ideas and his drugs and go back to where he came from. - Got that, mate? - Mm-hmm. I said, "Have you got that, mate?" What? Sorry, mate. I was trying to refill my drink bottle, and I dropped it in your bag. It went through all your stuff. Geez, Trevor. You egg. Sorry. Come on. The wet undercarriage isn't actually too bad. We might be onto something here. Come on. While we were riding, there was part of me that was hoping that it wouldn't work. Is that all you got, mate? [Both laugh.] That he'd just push on through, like he always did. But that didn't happen, did it? No. You watched your own brother die in front of you. Lester! [Cellphone rings.] Mike. BREEN: Then we come to Dion. After Lester, I wanted to stop. But Dion was proving impossible to control. Was it her idea to both kill and frame Dion? No. That was me. I wanted it to be over. So, what, while Madison was wining and dining and poisoning Dion at her place, you were shifting the lab equipment to the nice, secluded place she'd found for him. We needed to keep him out of the bach for the whole night so the ricin would kick in. Ricin. Isn't that some kind of nerve gas? TREVOR: [Laughing.] Maybe in fiction. In life, all you need to do is grind up some castor oil beans. It is remarkably easy to manufacture. You say he needed to be kept out all night. So I could set up the lab and he didn't have time to find it and destroy it. How did Ms. Mathers keep him out all night? She didn't say. So, was it an intellectual thing? To see if you could get away with it? - Get away with what? - Or was it because you enjoyed the thrill of getting away with it last time? What last time? Your mother. My mother died of a rare bone disease. She was ill for a very long time. I am aware of that. I did look after her every bloody day. Every bloody day for all of those years until the one day she decided to top herself. As I told the police at the time, I was unaware that she'd been hoarding pills. Mm. There was no evidence to suggest otherwise. Karl Nyman once poisoned your mother with datura. Was it revenge for that? She was never the same after that. But she once told me, amidst all her suffering it was the best time of her life. Going blind for three days? MADISON: Enlightening, she said. Am I gonna be charged with my mother's murder now? Well, it's more a question of how much value you place on a human life. Spare me your moral judgment, please. Did you end your mother's life? No. But I wish I had. I wish I had the strength to end her suffering. SIMS: And your own? Perhaps. So you acted out that frustration with Trevor instead. Nice try. I mean, after all, you talked about marriage. Trevor told you that? SIMS: And although a tontine is a joint tenancy, if only one member is left and let's say that that's Trevor if you were married to him and he should accidentally die, then the farm has nowhere go but to you. Do you see where I'm going with this? Like I said nice try. Trevor, you will be charged in relation to the deaths of Jethro Nyman, Lester Nyman, and Dion Waters. I just want it to be over. SHEPHERD: It's only a piece of land, Trevor. You took three lives over a piece of land. It's my home. Not for much longer. Trevor, you must have realized that Mrs. McTavish sees and hears everything. And yet you carried on as if she didn't exist. Madison wanted to kill her. But I said it would be too suspicious. Helen. With everything that's going on with the farm and the will and everything, I just Well, I wanted you to know that you'll be okay. I'm not next, then? Whatever happens, there'll always be a place for you here for as long as you want. I know. I'll be just fine. You got played, Trevor. By your old man. At the end of the day, you did exactly what he told you to do. [Door opens, closes.] Well, Madison Mathers is still denying everything. She's a lawyer. She'll be figuring a way to leave Trevor holding the smoking gun. You were right about the bull. Taking out Manu Collins lit the fuse. Happy families, eh? What do you reckon will happen to the farm? It'll find a way to survive. Land always does. It's been a whirlwind That, I'll admit The way we fell into each other We fell fast in the rift Dragging each other deeper Before we learned to swim There was no relent, my dear, as we pulled each other in So, don't you leave me at the first sign of trouble Welcome home, my love. Don't you let me drown [Ominous music plays.] [Up-tempo music plays.]

Cycling is very de rigueur around the globe and no less in Brokenwood. When one such MAMIL, (Middle Aged Man In Lycra), Lester Nyman, reaches the top of a local mountain after a gruelling ride and suffers a massive coronary, it doesn't seem suspicious. But then Gina reveals his toxicology showed astronomical levels of caffeine in his system and Mike starts to look more closely. It transpires Lester was one of ten people inheriting shares in a substantial local farm. The will, left by Lester's father Karl, is legally known as a tontine. Curiously, four members of this tontine have recently died from natural causes or unfortunate accidents and as such their shares are absorbed by the remaining members. Lester's brother Trevor is helpful in their enquiries but not so much his lawyer Madison Mathers. She sees it as her professional responsibility to execute the will to the best of her ability, making sure everyone gets their fair share. And why is Reverend Greene part of the tontine? It was no secret Karl didn't believe in the church. Was it simply that he wanted to goad the good Reverend into putting capitalist values above his service to the Lord? The further Mike and his team delve it appears this was all a grand and malevolent plan by Karl Nyman to let his friends and family tear themselves apart in a feeding frenzy of greed and avarice.

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With adjustments by: Shay Fitzpatrick [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3.] Phoebe: Oh, I cannot believe this heat wave. It's 2 a.m. How can it be so hot when there's no sun. Piper: Tell me about it. (Phoebe gets an ice cube and rubs it it on her neck.) The Cranberries are playing an animal right benefit here on Saturday and it's gonna be a million degrees in here. (Piper notices Phoebe with the ice.) Uh, Phoebe... you keep making like you're on red shoes diaries and I'm gonna have to bust out a can of man repellent. (Two guys are staring at Phoebe.) All right, people, move a long. Nothing to see here. Goodness. Am I going to have to hose you down? Phoebe: I can't help it. It's not my fault. I'm in a highly excited state right now. Not that I'd mind being hosed down with water. I feel like I'm on fire. Feel my forehead. (Piper touches Phoebe's forehead.) Piper: Phoebe, you're burning up. Phoebe: I know, tell me about it. (Piper gets a wet towel.) Something's happening to me, Piper. Something really freaky. Piper: Sweetie, Uh, I think you need to call a Doctor. Phoebe: But I... I... I don't feel sick. (Piper hands the towel to Phoebe.) I just... I feel... I feel... hot, aroused. Uh... I've been having this dream, Piper. This... s*x dream. It's not like I haven't dreamt about s*x before, because I have, you know. But this... this is different. This feel real. Swank penthouse love den, candles, satin sheets... Piper: Okey-Dokey. I get the point. Phoebe: But every night it's with a different man... telling me that I'm irresistible and then we... lets just say we could win the golden medal in the hugh hefner Olympics. Piper: And this is a bad thing? Piper: No. It's a good thing. It's... it's a very good thing. Until I kill them. Piper: That's how your dream ends? You kill the guy? Phoebe: Each and every night, Piper. I told you, something is wrong with me. Piper: There's nothing wrong with you. It's a dream. A metaphor for a extreme sexual frustration. Trust me, I should know. (Prue comes in.) Prue: Oh, good. We're decoding men. Piper: Prue, what are you doing here? Prue: I can tell you what I'm not doing. I'm not lighting candles. I'm not getting a back rub and I'm not running a hot bubble bath for two. Phoebe: Hmm. Things didn't go well with Alan? Prue: Well, see, that's the thing. I'm not really sure. I mean, third date, hot night, romantic dinner, and then he drops me off with barely even a kiss good night. I'm a little confuse. Piper: Well, that's not necessarily an officially rejection. I mean, when they say "I'll call you" that's the kiss of death. Maybe he just got nervous. Prue: Yeah or maybe he's just not interested. I mean, I gave out all the signals for him to move forward and he ran away. Men don't just run away when you give them all the signals, right? So, what gives? Phoebe: Okay. That's enough talk about men for me! I need to go home and take a long, cold shower and have a good night's sleep. I hope. Piper: Sweet dreams. Don't kill anyone (to Prue) Don't ask. (Phoebe leaves.) [Scene: Manor. Phoebe's bedroom. Phoebe's asleep. We see her dream. We can see a guy laying on the bed.] Guy: I can't believe we're doing this. You've gotta be the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on. Either I'm dreaming or I'm falling in love. Oh, man, I'm definitely falling in love. Where have you been my entire life. You're irresistible. (As he says that, the woman's tongue goes down the man's mouth. Phoebe awakes and she screams.) Opening Credits [Scene: Bucklands. Prue walks in her office. She gets a little mirror out of her purse and checks her hair and make-up. She walks back outside and looks at an auction item. She sees Alan.] Prue: Ooh, Alan, hi! Alan: Hi. Man, it's hot, huh? Bad day for the a/c to be on the fritz. Prue: Yeah, bad day. Uh, listen, Alan. Alan: Hey, Davis, can you hold the elevator, please? Thanks. Sorry, I'm late for meeting. Prue: Okay, uh, Alan, just out of curiosity. Did something happen on our date last night to upset you... or something? Alan: Upset? No, no, not at all. Actually, I had a great time. We should do it again. I'll call you. (He leaves.) Prue: The kiss of death. (Morris comes in.) Morris: Speaking of deadly kisses, I need to speak to you, Prue. Prue: Sure, Darryl. Morris: Everything okay? Prue: You know, you're a guy. Maybe you can explain this to me. Why is it that one moment guys are sending out all these signals and then, the next, they just turn them off like a switch? What do you men want anyway? (They stand outside Prue's office.) Well, it's nice to see that while romance may be dead, chivalry isn't. So, what's up, Morris? Morris: Four men have been killed over the last four nights ever since this heat wave started. I think the murders are gonna continue but I don't have any suspects. Prue: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Morris: Look. You and I have got this game we play, right? You know that I know you've got a secret. You also know I don't wanna know what it is. But if any way it can help stop this ... (He shows her the pictures of the victims.) Prue: Oh my god. What happened to them? Morris: Severe cerebral trauma. Although the medical examiner can't figure out exactly how. He also can't figure out how of the men were drained of all their testosterone. That's not something you find everyday. I need help on this one, Prue. The kind of help I think only you can provide. Prue: Do the victims have anything else in common? Morris: They were each members of a dating service called "Fine Romance". I've already got the place staked out. But they've got too many clients for me to watch and too many potential and too many potential suspects for me to track. If the pattern continues, somebody's gonna die tonight. I know it and I can't stop it. Prue: I'll see what I can do. Morris: I don't want you to get hurt. Find out what you can, slip it to me. The brass is watching me on this one. This can't turn out to be another unexplained case. [Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe's lying on the couch with the fan going. Piper brings Phoebe some juice.] Phoebe: I'm telling you, Piper. Last night's dream was no dream. Or premonition even. It was real. I felt it. I was so turned on and then.. and then... I killed him. (she drinks the juice) Piper: Phoebe, you didn't kill anyone. Phoebe: I could feel his body shake uncontrollably beneath mine. Piper: And now you're making me sick. Phoebe: How do you think I feel? I'm living it. I can still taste his blood. (Piper puts the thermometer in Phoebe's mouth.) Piper: Okay! (Prue walks in.) Prue: Is anybody home? Piper: In here. It's not lunch yet. What are you doing home? Prue: Morris came to visit (She sees Phoebe with the thermometer). Pheebs, are you ok? Phoebe: I'm so hot. (Prue touches her forehead.) 100.5 degrees hot. Piper: But she won't go see a Doctor. What did, uh, Morris want? Prue: Help. (She hands Piper the files with the victims' pictures.) Piper: Oh. (Phoebe recognizes the men in her dreams.) Phoebe: Oh my God. It's the guys. All of them. Piper: Phoebe, you were dreaming. Phoebe: Of each and every one of the victims? I don't think so. I could see them through my own eyes. Feel every touch, smell every smell. Prue: How long have you had this feeling? Phoebe: The last four nights. Prue: Since the murders began. Phoebe: Coincidence? I think not. Piper: Well, maybe your powers are growing. Maybe you can get premonitions in your sleep now. Prue: Or maybe you're just psychically linked to the demon on its wavelength or something. Phoebe: Or maybe I'm the killer. Come on you guys. It's not like there's no precedent. Piper turned into a werewolf once, remember? Piper: A Wendigo. Phoebe: Whatever. Prue: Look, if you are psychically connected, maybe you can go to the dating service, touch some of the tapes of the potential suspects, see if you can get a psychic flash. Piper: It's worth to shot. Then I'll stay here and see if I can find anything in the Book of Shadows Phoebe: I'm sorry. Wait a minute. I tell you that maybe I'm some kind of man-killing demon and you want me to go to the bachelor central? Prue: Phoebe, we have to do something. Otherwise someone else is going to die tonight. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside Fine Romance. Morris and his partner, Smith, are watching some suspects in the car. They see Prue and Phoebe and Smith starts taking photos of them.] Smith: Oh, man. Look the racks on those babes, huh? Morris: Just do your job, Smith, okay? Smith: I am doing my job, Morris. I'm taking pictures of potential suspects. And if you ask me, those two suspects got a lot of potential. [Cut to inside Fine Romance.] Darla: Hi, welcome to Fine Romance. I'm Darla. How can I help you? Phoebe: My sister Prue would like to sign up. Prue: I would? Phoebe: Yes you would while I look around. Prue: Right. (Phoebe walks away from her.) Darla: Well, Prue, today is your lucky day. Because we are running a special. One year, unlimited access to our internet and video library, with a money-back guarantee, for only $3,500. Prue: 3,500 bucks? Okay, I could buy a man for that. Darla: Oh, I can always tell the frustrated ones. You've been having man troubles lately, haven't you? [Cut to Phoebe. She bumps into a guy.] Phoebe: Oh... oh. Owen: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Phoebe: I'm sorry. I didn't... I didn't see you. Owen: Oh.. it's not a problem... it's not a problem at all. Phoebe: Uh... uh... do you work here? Owen: No, actually I just, uh, I just signed up. (She laughs.) Phoebe: Really? Owen: Yeah. Phoebe: I mean, it's just that... you don't seem like the type that needs help finding date. Owen: Ditto. Oh, um, I'm Owen. Owen Grant. Phoebe: Phoebe . (As she touches his hand, she gets a premonition of him been killed.) Phoebe: Uh, uh... I have to... I have to go. Okay, I'm sorry. Excuse me. Owen: But, Phoebe. Phoebe: Sorry. [Cut back to Prue.] Darla: Congratulations, Prue. Your days of having trouble with men are over. See you at tonight's mixer? Prue: Okay, you know, for your information, I do not have man troubles. Financial ones, now, yes. But definitely not man troubles. (Phoebe comes in.) Phoebe: We're out of here. Prue: She... you. Phoebe: Okay.. it's okay... it's all right. Prue: I don't. Honestly. (to Phoebe) Tell her. Phoebe: She doesn't. (They leave.) [Scene: Manor. Piper is watching Dan washing his car through the window. Prue and Phoebe walk inside.] Prue: Piper? Piper: You're back. Phoebe: Did you find anything in the Book? Piper: The book? Prue: Or were you too busy looking at something else? Piper: Uh, I was looking. You should see what I found. (Prue and Phoebe look out the window.) Prue: Oh, I see what you found, all right. Great tan, nice body. Piper: (reading the Book of Shadows) "When a witch renounces all human emotions and makes a pact with darkness to protect herself from heartbreak, she becomes a Succubus... a sexual predator." Phoebe: Let me see that (reading the book) "She seeks out powerful men who become helpless against her magic, then feeds on their testosterone with her razor-sharp tongue." So, this monster is an evil sexually-charged witch? Prue: Yeah, but it's not you, Phoebe. Because you didn't make a pact with Darkness, right? Piper: And as far as we know, you don't have a razor-sharp tongue. Here's a spell to attract the Succubus and destroy it with fire. Phoebe: (reading the book) "A flaming death for yours truly"? I don't think so. Prue: Well, we have to catch this thing, right? So, what if I cast a spell to attract it and if it turns out to be you who's attracted to me, then Piper will freeze the room and we'll go from there. Fair enough? [Cut to the attic. Drawn on the floor with chalk is the symbol for male. There's lit candles around it and Prue's sitting inside with the Book Of Shadows.] Prue: "By the forces of heaven and hell, draw to us this woman fell, rend from her foul desire, that she may perish as a moth of fire". (Fire burns around Piper.) Piper: See? I knew it wasn't you. Phoebe: I didn't burn. I'm okay. Prue: (with a man's voice) I'm not. (They turn and see Prue as a man.) Phoebe, Piper: Oh! Oh my God. Piper: I don't believe it. Prue: We have a new problem. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Outside Prue's bedroom.] Piper: Prue, please come out. Prue: Not until you reverse this spell. Phoebe: Come on. It's been over an hour already. (to Piper) Do you think she's touching herself? Piper: The book doesn't say anything about a reversal. Maybe you're supposed to stay a man until you attract the Succubus. Prue: Well, I'm not going anywhere. Phoebe: See? Piper: Shh... (to Prue) You don't really have a choice. I'm thinking we need to get you to the dating service since that's where the Succubus picks her victims. Phoebe: That's actually a really good idea. She could... he can sign up like the rest of the guys. Prue: Hey, I'm not signing up for anything. Piper: Lives are at stake, Prue. Innocent men are going to die... we're your sisters, Prue. You don't have to be embarrassed. We're not gonna laugh. (She/he opens the door.) Prue: How can I save anyone? Okay, I look ridiculous. I'm wearing clothes from the ex-boyfriend's pile. (Phoebe starts to laugh.) I have hair in strange places and I have pen1s. (to Phoebe) This is not funny. (She/he closes the door again.) Piper: What's matter with you? Phoebe: I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. Piper: Prue, you don't have actually to date anyone. All you have to do is make yourself seen and available. Phoebe: You know, Prue, the sooner you trap the Succubus, the sooner you'll become a woman again. (She opens the door.) Prue: It's easier said than done. [Cut to downstairs.] Piper: Okay, confidence. The walk, the talk, the handshake. It's all about confidence. Phoebe: Sports. Men like sports. Piper: And sincerity... that's the key. Phoebe: But what really makes a man is the clothes he wears, the car he drives and the money he earns... according to Cosmo. Prue: Okay, helping, you're supposed to be helping. Phoebe: Okay. Let's work on your walk. Piper: All you have to do is visualize a man that you admire and then you emulate him. You know, the walk will follow. Prue: A man that I admire... all right... I got that. Piper: Okay. (She/he walks and then does a girlie turn at the end.) Piper: The man you admire is Richard Simmons? (Piper and Phoebe laugh. Doorbell rings.) Phoebe: Okay, I'll get Morris' files. Try to put together a list of attributes the Succubus is attracted to. You two get the door. Prue: What? Phoebe: Well, think of it as a practice run for the dating service. Oh, oh... I know. Tom Hanks... everybody loves Tom Hanks. Think of him. Prue: Tom Hanks. Phoebe: Everybody loves him. (Prue and Piper answer the door.) Piper: Dan. Dan: Hi, I didn't mean to interrupt but my freezer broke and I wanted to see if I could get some ice from you... guys. Piper: Uh, oh, Dan, this is... this is... this is Manny. Manny Hanks. He's my... uh... he's my friend. Dan: Well, it's nice to meet you. (Dan shakes Prue's hand.) Phoebe: (screaming from the kitchen) Piper, come in here, quick. Piper: Okay, coming. I'll be right back with that ice. Prue: (to Piper) Oh, wait, no. Piper: (whispering to Prue/Manny) He's a good man. (Piper goes to the kitchen.) Dan: Have we met before? You look familiar. Prue: Hmm. Dan: So, have you known the sisters long? Prue: I'm, uh, the brother they never had. [Cut to the kitchen.] Piper: What happened? Phoebe: Oh, I just... I had one of those hot flashes, the Succubus visions. Piper, I think I really am psychically connected to that thing. I see what she sees, feel what she feels. I felt excited. Piper: Excited happy or excited aroused? Phoebe: Piper, she's in heat, okay. And so am I. Piper: Well, that explains why you are burning up. Your libido must be connected to the succubus' Phoebe: Yeah, it's like I have no control over. (She gets a new flash.) Phoebe: It just happened again. I saw egg sacs. Oh my God. I think she's pregnant or ready to hatch. Piper: You mean, there's gonna be a whole brood of them killing men? Phoebe: Unless we stop her, I think that's exactly her plan. [Cut back to the foyer.] Dan: So, Piper isn't seeing anyone? (Prue tries to copy Dan's moves.) Prue: No, not really. Dan: So Piper is seeing someone? Manny/Prue: No, not really...God. I would just hate to see her with a guy who, oh, lets say on the third date just runs away. Don't you just hate men like that? Dan: I don't know any men like that. Manny/Prue: Oh... ha... How about those "niners"? (Piper and Phoebe walks in) Piper: Ok, here's your ice. Dan: Thanks. Phoebe: Oh, you're welcome. Ok, bye bye. Take care. Tell Jenny we said "hi", ok? All right, good. (He leaves) Piper: So? Manny/Prue: We're in big problems... huge. [Scene: Fine Romance. Video area. Prue/Manny is doing her videotape.] Manny/Prue: You know, I think that it's the smaller things that I look for in a relationship, you know, like... listen to your partner, kindness, respect, I mean, as far as I'm concerned there's nothing sexier, nothing hotter than someone who respects him... herself, because, you know, if she respects herself, then she respects others. Jan: Can I just say that you are really in touch with your feminine side. Manny/Prue: You have no idea [Fine romance. Reception desk.] Phoebe: His name is Owen. He signed up earlier today. Darla: Hm. Dr. Owen Grant. Phoebe: Doctor? Hmm.. yeah. I guess that's him. Do you have any way I could get in touch with him? It's really important. Darla: Well, you could join for $3,500 and view his tape Phoebe: Hmm... huh! Piper? Piper: Hmm? Hmm! (Piper freezes the room. Phoebe gets Dr. Owen's file. Then she sees Dan's files.) Phoebe: I do not believe it. Piper: What? Phoebe: Looks like neighbor Dan signed up, too... interested? (Piper smiles. Phoebe hands her Dan's file.) Phoebe: Let's go. (They leave) [Outside Fine Romance.] Smith: Boy, a guy could do some serious damage in there, you know? Just drop all the pretense and go all caveman. Morris: You're really something, you know that, Smith? Smith: I know it. That's what ladies tell me... Man, it's boiling. Morris: Yes, it is. Smith: I think I'll do a little investigating inside. Morris: Oh, Whoa! No. You're not going anywhere. Smith: Come on. It's a mixer, right? I want to go inside and mix it up. [Inside Fine Romance.] Phoebe: Do you think the Succubus already got the Owen? I mean, what if we're too late? (Piper is looking at Dan's file) Piper: You would have had a psychic flash if we were and since you haven't, we're not. Phoebe: Oh, there he is... hey, you know... maybe I should take him back to the manor to keep him safe. Piper: You and him? At the Manor? Alone? Phoebe: Well, I'm just gonna talk to him Piper: Well, we can just talk to him here. I'm gonna go back to the video area and, uh, check up on Prue. Phoebe: Uh, huh... don't forget Dan's tape. (Piper grabs Dan's tape and leaves.) Hi Owen: Hi [Video area.] Prue: So, what are you saying is my video will now be available to all of your clients. So what with internet acess, I should be able to meet women as soon as when? Jan: Mr. Hanks. Something tells me that you could be dating as soon as tomorrow. This is one great tape. [Scene: Later. Video area.] (Piper is watching Dan's tape.) Dan: I'm sorry.. I.. I.. I just... I can't do this. Jan: Oh, come on. Your sister paid for this, Mr. Gordon. You can do it. Dan: Oh.. this just isn't me. Jan: Give it a try. Just speak from your heart. What are you looking for in a woman? Dan: What do I look for? I don't know. I'm an old-fashioned, I guess. I look for the girl-next-door. Someone with a good heart, good personality, and looks to match. The kind of girl that... when I leave for work in the morning... I wait just... a little bit... till she leaves for work too. Just to catch a glimpse of that long dark hair, that great smile, hoping that maybe, one day... she'll notice that I'm watching her. Then she'll smile back at me. (Piper just smiles.) [Scene: Mixer.] Owen: Do you, huh, do you wanna get out of here and take a walk or something Phoebe: Uh, I...I...I... would... I would love to. Really. But... but I can't Owen: You can't. Why? Phoebe: Uh, it's it's hard, I mean, to explain, you know? Is it really hot in here? Owen: You know what? I'm gonna get you something to drink. I'll be right back Phoebe: Ok (She gets a new flash) Phoebe: Oh, no... she's here... Piper! Owen: Hey, what's going on? Are you ok? Phoebe: Yeah. We need to get you out of here, fast. Okay? Follow me. Uh, if you could just stand here for a minute and just stay in my sight, ok? Owen: Okay. Phoebe: Uh (Piper) She's here. I felt her. Piper: What? Where is she? Phoebe: I don't know but she's in the room, somewhere. She could be after Owen. Piper: Well, then get him out of here. Fast! Phoebe: Ok. (Smith grabs Phoebe's wrist) Smith: Oh, where are you going, honey? Phoebe: Excuse me. Smith: I'd like to have a little talk with you... in private. (She gets a new flash) Morris: What the hell's the matter with you, Smith? Let her go. Phoebe: Manny, it's Owen... take him out. Fast (Manny/Prue punches Owen) Piper: What are you doing? Your... Your powers Smith: Hey hey, that's enough, all right. You're under arrest (Manny/Prue punches him too) Morris: That's it. You're under arrest, pal. Get up and cuff the other, Smith. Piper: This is... this is bad. This is really bad. (Phoebe gets a flash.) Phoebe: It's getting worse. Piper: Huh? Phoebe: The Succubus isn't attract to Owen, anymore. She's attracted to Prue. Piper: Perfect. [Scene: Police station.] Morris: Wanna me to release him? Your friend punched a cop. Phoebe: Four men have died in last four nights, but none so far tonight. Why do you think that is? Piper: Because of Manny, that's why. Phoebe: And if he stays in jail, another innocent man might get killed. Morris: I suppose you want me to release this, uh... this Dr. Owen Grant, too, huh? Phoebe: Uh, no, actually. He's still a potential victim. As long as he's here, he's safe. You can't let him out. Morris: This is going to bite me in the ass. I know it is. [Scene: Next morning. Manor.] Manny/Prue: You know, I'm surprised we men ever get anything done, you know. All I seem to think about is s*x. It's like it's nonstop. Really debilitating. (Phoebe is with the thermometer in her mouth again.) Phoebe: Tell me about it. Hey, did you fix the air conditioning. Manny/Prue: Yeah, I just had to clean the filter. Air flow clog must have thrown the breaker. (Phoebe looks at her/him) Phoebe: Hmm. (Piper walks in) Piper: Guess who that was? Alan, from Bucklands. Manny/Prue: Alan... wait? He actually called. Piper: Yeah and he wants to go out with you again. So much for our rejection theory. Manny/Prue: Well, what did you tell him? Piper: I went out on a limb and told him you were feeling a bit hormonal. Phoebe: 102.5 degrees. Probably normal for Succubus. Piper: But not so good for you. I really think you should call a Doctor. Phoebe: Piper, there's nothing he can do. It's the connection with Succubus. It's getting stronger. Probably because she missed her nightly feeding. She didn't get Owen or Prue. She needs to kill. I can feel it. Piper: Ok, what are we gonna do? Manny/Prue: All right, I got a plan. The dating service called. Turns out my video broke some kind of house record. 20 hits this morning. One of them might to be Succubus. So I lined up dates with all of them. Piper: What? Manny/Prue: Yep! At your club. Starting at 6. Piper: Oh, no no no no. Not tonight. The Cranberries are coming in for a sound check before the benefit tomorrow. I can't risk scaring them away. Manny/Prue: That's no problem. I'll just nail the Succubus before they get there. Piper: Oh, you're gonna nail her, are you? Oh, so this whole man thing, this sort of short-circuits the old "maybe I should consult my sisters" wiring, now, doesn't it? Just step right in and take over. Phoebe: Didn't start happening until she sucker-punched Owen. Manny/Prue: You had a problem, I fixed it. Phoebe: Oh, you bet your butt, you did. You nearly broke his jaw Manny/Prue: I saved his life. Look, you're the one who told me I had to practice being a man, right? So I acted on instinct. And tell you the truth, the moment that I hit him, I felt powerful and strong. Like somehow that made me a man. Piper: You wanna know how to be a real man? Look at Dan. Honest, kind, good heart. The type of guy who would risk being late to work just to make you smile. Not some bully who walks around thinking one punch is gonna change anything. (She leaves) Manny/Prue: She learned all that, just from looking out a window? (Manny/Prue and Phoebe look out a window and see Dan) Phoebe: Oh, yeah! Nice body, great tan. Manny/Prue: Awesome truck. Phoebe: You know, I think you really are becoming a man [Scene: Outside P3.] Smith: Ow, Man... look at that. Look at that. I can hardly even see out of that and you let him walk. Morris: Try looking at the club for a while. sooner we catch the perp, sooner I can have you reassigned. Smith: Fine. [Scene: P3.] Phoebe: I just hope that the Succubus gets here fast because I'm dying. Piper: Okay, focus on the plan. Manny lures the Succubus into the alley and then I freeze her and... Phoebe: And then he uses his testosterone-charged powers to fend her off until she burst into flames. I got it. (Phoebe sees Manny/Prue) Phoebe: Uh, did Manny just check out that girl's butt? Piper: Oh, God. This is starting to get wierd. Phoebe: It's Starting to get wierd? Where ya been? [P3.] Alan: Hey Manny/Prue: Hey... You don't recognize me, do you? Alan: No, sorry. Should I? Manny/Prue: Uh, I work at Bucklands with Prue Halliwell. Manny, Manny Hanks. Alan: Alan Stanton. Nice to meet you. So, you know Prue, huh? Manny/Prue: Yeah, we go way back. Alan: Huh, Prue and I actually dated. Few times. When it comes to dating these days, I just can't figure out what they want. It's a real confusing time to be a man. Manny/Prue: You mean, like in... huh, what way? Alan: Like every way. Even opening doors or pulling out chairs. Some women expect it. Other women hate it. You never know which camp they're in until it's too late. Manny/Prue: Which camp do you think Prue's in? Alan: Prue? The good one. The one that likes it. She's cool. Manny/Prue: I had no idea... I mean, I bet she had no idea. Have you told her? Alan: Are you kidding? Probably scare her away if I haven't already. [P3.] Piper: Where's Prue? I lost her... him Phoebe: She's over there talking with A... (Phoebe gets a flash) Piper: What? Phoebe: The Succubus. She's here. I'm seeing what she's seeing. Piper: What? Where is she? Phoebe: She's here somewhere. She just spotted Prue. Wait... isn't that the woman from the dating service? The one that videotaped Prue? [P3.] Alan: I mean, you know, Prue. She's on the rebound. And I respect her too much to force the issue. I didn't want to move too fast. Although I think about it now, maybe I went too slow and got her mad at me. Some damn confusing rules, you know what I mean. Manny/Prue: Yeah, I'm beginning to. (Manny/Prue's cell phone rings) Manny/Prue: Yeah. Piper: Prue, she's here. Get to the alley, quick. It's Jan from the dating service. The one on the red dress Manny/Prue: Right on my way (to Alan) Sorry, Alan, Gotta go. [Scene: P3.] Phoebe: Hi hi hi hi... Jan. Right? From a Fine Romance? Jan: Yes... have we met? (Phoebe gets a new flash and realizes that it's not Jan) Phoebe: It's not you. [Scene: Alley.] Darla/Succubus: Hello, Manny. (Manny/Prue tries to use her/him power but he/she can't) Manny/Prue: What's happening to me? Darla/Succubus: You're falling in love. You want me. You need me. Tell me I'm irresistible. Tell me. Manny/Prue: You're irresistible. (Succubus is about to use her razor-sharp tongue when Piper and Phoebe show up and Piper freezes her.) Piper: Whoa! What happened? Why didn't you use your power? Manny/Prue: I don't know. I was trying to use it and it wouldn't work. And then I felt like I was... huh. Phoebe: Impotent? Manny/Prue: You know, a little advice about men, Phoebe. When we fail at something, generally we don't like to hear that we're... Phoebe: Impotent? Manny/Prue: Yeah! (Darla/Succubus unfreezes) Piper: Oh, no (Smith and Morris show up) Smith: Freeze right there (She knocks him out) Morris: Stop or I'll shoot. Stop (He sees her razor-sharp tongue and shoots her) Morris: She's dead. But I don't know what was? You guys ok? Piper: I think so. Manny/Prue: (to Phoebe) Okay, how come I'm still a man? [Scene: Coroner's office.] Doctor: Toxicology won't be back for a week but the preliminary blood panel did show something odd. This woman's endocrine system showed high level of testosterone Smith: Testosterone? How's that even possible? Doctor: Won't know for certain until the autopsy but if it turns out to be accurate, you've definitely got the killer you've been looking for. Smith: I'm telling you, there's something really weird about this. It's a real shame. She's a babe. (The Doctor leaves and Succubus kills Smith.) [Scene: Attic.] Piper: I don't understand. It says to attract and destroy the Succubus. She will come to us and burst into flames. Manny/Prue: Well, it came all right but it certainly didn't burst. And worse, I'm still a man. What I don't understand is why wasn't I able to use my powers? Piper: I don't know. (She looks out the window) Manny/Prue: You know, men are just as afraid of being rejected as women are. Trust me. That's probably why Dan hasn't asked you out. He's afraid you'll say no. Piper: Like you'd know. Do you? Manny/Prue: I'm a guy, aren't I? (Phoebe walks in) Phoebe: Guys, the Succubus. She's still alive. I felt her kill again Piper: Oh, no! Manny/Prue: Why wasn't I able to destroy her? Phoebe: We can still finish this. Manny/Prue: How? I mean, she knocked me out, guys. I mean, really. It was like I was in a trance. I was weak in the knees and for a moment I felt her need not to be reject as though it would devastate her. Phoebe: Great. We're dealing with a sensitive man-killing demon. Manny/Prue: Well, we gotta be missing something. You two keep looking. I gotta go take a leak. Piper, Phoebe: Don't forget to put the seat back down. Manny/Prue: Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. (Manny/Prue walks out) Piper: Anything there? Phoebe: No. Nothing at all. (Phoebe gets a new flash) Piper: Phoebe! Phoebe: She's here. The Succubus... She's in the house. (They hear a noise like something broking.) Piper: Prue! [Bathroom.] Piper: Prue? Where'd she go? (They she the broken window) [Darla/Succubus' place.] Darla/Succubus: I watched your tape over and over again. The things you said, I... (Prue/Manny is on the bed) Darla/Succubus: You can't resist me [Scene: Manor. Attic.] Piper: We have to find Prue, Phoebe. Or she's dead Phoebe: I'm connected again. I'm seeing Prue. She's alive Piper: Where is she? Phoebe: The same place the others victims were but I don't know where that is. God. I'm gonna watch her kill Prue end there's nothing I can do about it. Piper: Wait. Listen to me. I have an idea. If you're connected to the Succubus, then the Succubus is connected to you, right? Phoebe: What are you talking about? Piper: You have to reverse the psychic connection. You have to use your power to project back to the Succubus to help Prue resist her. What's the Succubus saying? Phoebe's flash. Darla/Succubus: Tell me you want me. Manny/Prue: I want you. Phoebe: She wants Prue to want her. Piper: Ok, talk through the Succubus. Tell Prue that she doesn't want her. She'll never want her. Tell her. Phoebe's flash. Darla/Succubus: Tell me you need me. Manny/Prue: I need you. Piper: Talk to Prue like she's right in front of you, Phoebe. Um, tell her that she is not a man. She's a woman. Phoebe's flash. Darla/Succubus: Tell me. Phoebe: You're not a man. You're a woman. Phoebe's flash Darla/Succubus: You're a woman. Manny/Prue: I'm a woman. Darla/Succubus: What? Phoebe: You can resist Prue. Only a man is powerless against me. *Phoebe's flash. Darla/Succubus: You can resist Prue. Only a man is powerless against me. Manny/Prue: I can resist you. In fact, I'm rejecting you. [Scene: Darla/Succubus' place.] Darla/Succubus: What? You can't resist me. I'm irresistible. Manny/Prue: Not to me, you're not, you bitch. (Prue/Manny uses her/him power against Succubus and she starts to burst into flame) Darla/Succubus: Nooooooo! (Manny/Prue turns into a woman again.) [Scene: Manor.] Piper: Are you ok? Phoebe: I'm fine. And so is Prue. Piper: What about the Succubus? Phoebe: She's dead [Scene: P3. Prue is wearing a very sexy outfit.] Phoebe: Oh.. Well, well. And I thought the heat wave was over. Piper: Yeah, Prue. You look hot. Prue: I'm just grateful to be back in heels. Phoebe: Let me see. Oh, yeah. You definitely have that walk down. Prue: Well, we'll see if Alan agrees with that. Phoebe: Alan? I thought you thought he wasn't interested. Prue: Yeah, I was wrong. Just a little gender confusion. Piper: Looks like you learned a few things about being a woman by being a man. Prue: Actually, I did. I mean, we're different, which I'm glad about that. But we're also similar in many ways. You know, we all feel the same emotions. It's just that if we don't communicate honestly, then we read between the lines and tend to get everything screwed up. Piper: And sometimes it's just up to us to open the door first... take a chance (They see Dan) Prue: Oh, you finally called him, huh? Piper: I got some good advice from the brother I never had. Excuse me. Prue: You're welcome. (She goes to meet Dan.) Prue: So, what about you, Pheebs? Phoebe: Me, Uh? (She sees Owen) I actually have an appointment with a Doctor I've been dying to see. I'm still running a little bit hot. Prue: I see that. He winked at you (Phoebe goes to meet Owen. Cranberries starts to play.) Piper: Glad you could make it. Dan: Are you kidding? I'm just glad you called. Truth is I've been waiting to call you for some time now. Piper: Really? I never would guess. Dan: You wanna dance? Piper: Sure. (They join Phoebe and Owen and start to dance.) Prue: Alan, Hey... Good to see you. Alan: I'm glad you called back, Prue. I have to admit. I didn't think you would Prue: Well, I wasn't going to at first. But then I met this really nice guy who encouraged me to go ahead Alan: Yeah? Who is he? I wanna thank him. Prue: Oh, no. I'll thank him... Cranberries. Alan: Let's go. (They join Piper and Dan and Phoebe and Owen. Then we see the girls dancing with their guys)

When Phoebe starts having dreams about seducing and killing men, Piper and Prue discover that Phoebe is somehow connected to a femme fatale demon called a Succubus. Upon learning that the Succubus is killing and draining her victims in order to reproduce, Prue takes it upon herself to cast a spell where she becomes a man in order to stop the Succubus. While Prue is under the influence of her spell, she encourages Piper to go out with Dan.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_15x05

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_15x05_0

THE INVISIBLE ENEMY BY BOB BAKER AND DAVE MARTIN Part One Running time: 23:09 [SCENE_BREAK] An asteroid field with a shuttle very cautiously and wobblingly entering. A wider shot of the asteroid field with the shuttle moving more confidently. Flying asteroids! Inside the shuttle we see Safran and Silvey in comfy chairs. Then we see Meeker at the bridge. MEEKER: Going to manual. SILVEY: What for? MEEKER: Why not? If we're going to be slammed around, I'd sooner do it myself. SILVEY: It's still telling you what to do. MEEKER: Yes, but at least I'm doing it. SILVEY: Come on, Meeker. SAFRAN: You're off course. MEEKER: Yes, sorry, skipper. SAFRAN: Put it back on automatic, please. Meeker tries various controls and it's obvious there's a problem. MEEKER: Eh? I can't! SAFRAN: Titan shuttle captain. New course for Titan, please. He climbs up toward Meeker. SAFRAN: All right, Meeker, that is enough. MEEKER: What? SAFRAN: Off watch. Please. Safran takes the pilot's seat. MEEKER: Look, I qualified for exploration eight years ago, and what am I? Glorified garage attendant on some planetary filling station. SILVEY: Your turn'll come. You'll be glad enough of refuel bases then. MEEKER: All I'm saying is that I want a real SAFRAN: Not now, Meeker. COMPUTER: Unidentified organism. Changing course to avoid. The shuttle is caught in some kind of weird webby thing with lightning. SAFRAN: What was all that about? There's nothing there. Titan shuttle captain. Report please. Silvey turns to the others. NUCLEUS (OOV.): Contact has been made. SAFRAN: Contact? [SCENE_BREAK] In the TARDIS Leela carries the hatstand and sets it down. The Doctor enters. LEELA: We've never been in here before. DOCTOR: You've never been in here before. LEELA: What is it? DOCTOR: Number two control room has been closed for redecoration. I don't like the colour. LEELA: White isn't a colour. DOCTOR: That's the trouble with computers. Always think in black and white. No aquamarines, no blues, no imagination. LEELA: Have we stopped? DOCTOR: No, we haven't stopped. The scanner opens. LEELA: Have we materialised? DOCTOR: Yes. LEELA: Where? DOCTOR: Solar system, between Jupiter and Saturn. About five thousand AD. Five thousand AD? We're still in the time of your ancestors. LEELA: Ancestors? DOCTOR: Yes. That was the year of the great breakout. LEELA: The great what? DOCTOR: Mmm. When your forefathers went leapfrogging across the solar system on their way to the stars. Asteroid belt's probably teeming with them now. New frontiersmen, pioneers waiting to spread across the galaxy like a tidal wave. Or a disease. LEELA: Why disease? I thought you liked humanity? DOCTOR: Oh, I do, I do. Some of my best friends are humans. When they get together in great numbers, other lifeforms sometimes suffer. [SCENE_BREAK] The shuttle approaches Titan. We see the landing area as the shuttle comes in. Cut to a close-up of gloved hands operating the controls of the shuttle. We see the shuttle coming down from its nosecone. Then we see the shuttle land on the pad and the pad begins to sink into the ground. The hands switch off the controls. The pad rotates, with the shuttle on board. The pad begins to move carrying the shuttle with it. The space-suited crew walk through the bridge (we can see through the shuttle cockpit window beyond). COMPUTER: Docking. Docking. Contact. All locked. [SCENE_BREAK] As the crew head through the door, they each take a blaster. They holster the blasters and go through the inner door. MAN (OOV.): Hey, are we glad to see you. Welcome to Titan. You're welcome to it. We're in the mess. Come on down. The crew head toward the doors. The first door is the wrong one, and the leader gestures to another when they hear laughter from behind it. The door slides open. [SCENE_BREAK] MAN: Come on in. Join the party. Our last supper on Titan. Well, come on. Get your gear off and relax. You're going to be here for The crew pull their blasters and aim at the three in the mess. MAN: Hey, what kind of a joke is ... The crew fire at the men who fall to the floor dead. Safran lifts his visor. His face is covered in green scales. SAFRAN: There is one other. The station supervisor. We must find him, destroy him. SAFRAN: Then we can make this the ideal place in which to breed and multiply. [SCENE_BREAK] LOWE: Shuttle relief crew. Shuttle relief crew. Come in, please. Shuttle relief crew, this is Supervisor Lowe. Please report. Relief crew, this is the supervisor. Where are you? He activates a remote camera monitor to see what is happening in the mess. He pans his camera around. LOWE: My God, what's happened? Hello? Hello? LOWE: What is it? What's gone wrong? SAFRAN: Wrong? There is nothing wrong. This is most suitable for our purpose. What, what purpose? Safran. Safran, is that you? What has happened? SAFRAN: Who is this Safran? Lowe looks horrified. LOWE: Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! This is Titan Base. Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! Meeker and Silvey approach through the halls and reach the supervisor's door as Lowe ducks into the IMURJINSEE EGSIT. They burn through the lock and enter the room. MEEKER: The supervisor has escaped. SAFRAN: Leave him. Let him suffocate. Safran punches the distress signal to silence it. [SCENE_BREAK] Back in the TARDIS Leela is practicing her handwriting on chalkboard. DOCTOR: As soon as I've reset these coordinates, we'll go somewhere really interesting. LOWE (OOV.): Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! This is Titan Base. Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! LEELA: What was that? DOCTOR: Distress call. From Titan. That message took half an hour to get here. LEELA: Is Titan really interesting? DOCTOR: What does that matter? What's important is that someone needs help! We briefly see the webby thing in space again. Then the Doctor is setting controls. DOCTOR: Quadrant six two. W H I one two one two nine nine zero E X four one. What's the matter? LEELA: I'm troubled. DOCTOR: About what? LEELA: I can feel something. DOCTOR: Hey. SAFRAN (OOV.): Titan. This is Titan Base. All vessels, repeat, all vessels disregard mayday. I say again, disregard mayday. All under control. DOCTOR: There we are. SAFRAN (OOV.): Our apologies. Our apologies. LEELA: That's it! DOCTOR: That's what? LEELA: That's something evil. SAFRAN (OOV.): Titan Base out. DOCTOR: What? LEELA: It was not a human speaking. DOCTOR: It wasn't? The TARDIS gets caught in the webby stuff. There is an explosion on the console as the Doctor leans over, and he briefly glows purple. LEELA: What was that? DOCTOR: Static. Nothing important. LEELA: There was a sort of glow all around you. DOCTOR: There was? Oh. Well, a kind of Saint Elmo's fire. It happens at sea. LEELA: Saint Elmo's? DOCTOR: Yes, it causes a sort of halo effect round the masts of ships. LEELA: Halo? DOCTOR: Why do you keep repeating everything I say? You're not a parrot, are you? LEELA: Parrot? DOCTOR: Yes. A parrot's a bird that repeats things. Move over. LEELA: (deep) Move over. DOCTOR: That's it. Another explosion. LEELA: I thought you said there was nothing wrong. DOCTOR: Well, there isn't anything wrong. Well, there isn't anything important wrong, but I've got to check it, haven't I? LEELA: I can still feel it. DOCTOR: Come on, old thing. Come on. Something zaps the Doctor's eyes. He takes a step back and his vision blurs. NUCLEUS (OOV.): Contact has been made. He falls to the floor. [SCENE_BREAK] Back on the base. SAFRAN: Incubation will start here. NUCLEUS (OOV.): Contact has been made. The nucleus has found a host. Prepare for his coming. [SCENE_BREAK] The TARDIS materializes. Inside, Leela gets zapped in the eyes too, but it doesn't affect her. LEELA: Doctor, wake up. We've landed. We've materialised. [SCENE_BREAK] The crew approach the TARDIS down the corridor. SAFRAN: There is one other with the host. She has been rejected. We must destroy her and dispose of her body with the rest. Take up your positions. [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor wakes up. DOCTOR: Hello, Lally. LEELA: Are you all right? DOCTOR: Rightly perfect, thank you yet, Lally. LEELA: What did you say? DOCTOR: I said, I'm perfectly all right, thank you, Lally. LEELA: My name is Leela. DOCTOR: Hmm? I know your name. Leela. LEELA: What happened? DOCTOR: Must have had a bot of a shik. LEELA: What? DOCTOR: A bot of a shik. LEELA: Doctor, what is it? What's the matter? DOCTOR: There's a voice or something in my head. LEELA: The evil thing. DOCTOR: Nonsense. Just a nasty turn. Come on, we're on Titan. Let's take a look. He opens the doors and walks into one of them. DOCTOR: That was odd. LEELA: Doctor, don't go out. DOCTOR: What? LEELA: It's out there. Evil! Lowe has returned to his quarters and grabs a blaster. DOCTOR: We must go. We've had a mayday. LEELA: No. I can feel it is wrong. DOCTOR: What, intuition? LEELA: I don't care what you call it, Doctor. I knew. I knew before that. Before you were affected. DOCTOR: What are you talking about, affected? LEELA: Well, before you were knocked out. DOCTOR: Leela, listen to me. I'm perfectly all right. Move over. [SCENE_BREAK] Out in the corridor Lowe comes up behind the crew outside the TARDIS. LOWE: Drop your weapons. I'm arresting you. All of you! They turn to fire, but Lowe fires first and Silvey drops to the floor. Lowe dashes back down the corridor and goes in to a cryogenics room. SAFRAN: Close the door. Turn off the oxygen supply. The Doctor opens the outer doors, peeks out and slams them again. A moment passes and slowly he opens the door again, looking down. Cautiously he exits, Leela behind. DOCTOR: Nobody around. Not a soul. He blows a bird call. DOCTOR: Anyone home? LEELA: Doctor, look. They kneel down by Silvey's body. DOCTOR: Disregard mayday. He said disregard mayday. Why? LEELA: It is still warm. DOCTOR: Don't be gruesome. LEELA: I am a hunter. DOCTOR: You're a savage. LEELA: Perhaps. I'm not ashamed of what I am and I tell you, Doctor, I can smell danger. DOCTOR: What did you say? LEELA: I said, I can smell danger. DOCTOR: Evil again? LEELA: Everywhere. In this place. DOCTOR: We'd better find it before it finds us. LEELA: Right. DOCTOR: Stay here. LEELA: I'm no coward. They both go off in different directions, but the Doctor backs up again. DOCTOR: Now listen, whatever happens... He turns to see Leela has gone, then he sets off again. [SCENE_BREAK] SAFRAN: Set temperature and humidity rate for optimum breeding conditions. MEEKER: Set temperature and humidity rate for optimum breeding conditions. The Doctor comes upon them. DOCTOR: Excuse me, you don't know me. Let me introduce myself. SAFRAN: There is no need. We are preparing the hives now. DOCTOR: People call me the D. Hives? SAFRAN: For the nucleus which you carry within you. DOCTOR: Are you all right? I answered your mayday. They turn to look at him. SAFRAN: You answered the call? DOCTOR: That's right, that's right. Has someone been hurt? SAFRAN: It is of no consequence. The physical envelope is of no importance. MEEKER: Of no importance. DOCTOR: What do you mean, of no importance? I just found a dead body out there. Meeker shoots him in the eyes with his lightning glance. MEEKER: Now that you have arrived. DOCTOR: I have arrived. SAFRAN: All that matters is that the reject should be destroyed. DOCTOR: Reject should be destroyed. SAFRAN: And breeding begin. DOCTOR: And breeding from my nucleus begin. Out in the corridor Leela approaches the Cryogenic sekshun. She opens the door and a frozen Lowe falls out. She drags him away. Safran hands the Doctor a blaster. DOCTOR: Leela the reject will not suspect me. SAFRAN: One of us will follow. DOCTOR: That is not necessary. SAFRAN: The nucleus within you must not be harmed. MEEKER: Must not be harmed. DOCTOR: Very well. The Doctor exits followed by Meeker. [SCENE_BREAK] In the mess Leela helps a recovered Lowe with a hot drink. LOWE: Who are you? LEELA: We answered your mayday. LOWE: They tried to kill me. The relief crew. They're insane. They've already killed these poor devils. LEELA: But why? Are they your enemies? LOWE: No. I know them. At least, I thought I did. But they've changed. LEELA: How changed? LOWE: Their eyes, their manner, their whole behaviour is different. One of them said something. LEELA: What? LOWE: Their purpose. This place will be suitable for our purpose. For our purpose, whatever that is. LEELA: The Doctor will know. He'll be here soon. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR (IN CORRIDOR): Leela? Leela, where are you? [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: That's him. That's the Doctor. LOWE: No, wait. It could be a trap, if they've caught him. LEELA: What are we going to do? LOWE: Hide. DOCTOR (OOV.): Don't worry, Leela, it's only me. Listen to me, Leela. There's nothing wrong with this place. It's most suitable. It's a good place. A good place. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Come on, Leela. I'm waiting. Please leave me. Please. I can't do it. I can't do it. MEEKER: Think of the purpose. She is a reject. She must die. DOCTOR: I can't. MEEKER: Think of the purpose! DOCTOR: I can't. MEEKER: The purpose is all important! Inside the mess Lowe makes a noise. DOCTOR: The reject is here. MEEKER: Stay. The nucleus does not wish to be harmed. I shall destroy her. DOCTOR: Yes. Kill her. Kill her. [SCENE_BREAK] The door op ens and Meeker enters. Lowe points his blaster but Meeker shoots it out of his hand. Meeker steps forward, not noticing Leela alongside the door. As Meeker moves into the room, Leela throws her knife into Meeker's back. She runs from the room as Lowe bends over toward Meeker. LOWE: Meeker, this purpose, what is it? [SCENE_BREAK] Meeker lifts his head and zaps Lowe in the eyes, then falls dead. Lowe leaps up with his blaster and runs into the corridor where Leela is prowling. LOWE: Leave it to me. I know this place! He dashes off down the corridor.

"Contact has been made!" A relief crew en route to Titan in 5000 AD unwarily pick up hitchhikers that change them. Shortly thereafter the Doctor, passing through the same point in space, is hitchhiked as well, but not Leela - a reject who must die.

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_04x22

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_04x22_0

[Salvatore's House] (Elena and Stefan are training) Stefan: And? Elena: That did nothing for me. How was it for you? Stefan: Again. Good. Now, focus on letting it go Elena: Or we could skip the sublimating part and you can tell me where she is so that I can rip her head off Stefan: I don't know where Katherine is and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you Elena: Stefan, you're the one who told me to channel all of my emotions into one single feeling. Stefan: I realize that. I just figured it would be love, or hope, or compassion. Not unwavering hatred for a ruthless vampire that's 500 years older than you. Give me 50 pull-ups Elena: You wanted to kill Klaus when you got your emotions back Stefan: I know and I couldn't Elena: You don't think I can kill Katherine? Stefan: I don't think you really want to Elena: Maybe you're right. Maybe I just want to feel the warmth of her chest cavity as I rip out her heart and watch her face as she realizes I took it from her. Nah, I just want to kill her. It's that simple. I'm gonna go shower [Mystic Grill] (Rebekah is at the bar with Matt) Rebekah: So, let me get this straight. You send out a notice of your impending graduation, and people feel obliged to give you money? Matt: Pretty much Rebekah: Sounds brilliant. Why aren't you participating? Matt: I don't have a whole lot of family Rebekah: Well, that makes two of us. Besides, I don't think it was my mother's dream to see me in a cap and gown. How about your mom? Matt: Let's just say I'm not holding my breath for a graduation check (Caroline and Elena are sitting on a table outside) Caroline: Stamp, please. Thank you Elena: You don't have to pretend to be nice to me, Caroline. I know this is just a ploy to keep me distracted Caroline: You're done? I'm only on my second batch Elena: We have family friends in Denver. Other than that, no one cares that I'm graduating. And to be honest, neither do I Caroline: You know, that's how you feel now, but once you get through this hating Katherine phase... Elena: Wait. Do you know where Katherine is? Caroline: No. Why would I know where she is? Elena: Yeah, but Caroline, if you did, you would tell me, right? Caroline: Elena, you're obsessing Elena: Caroline, listen to me. If you know where Katherine is, you have to tell me Caroline: I don't. Elena... Chill. [The Woods] (Bonnie and Katherine are in the woods) Katherine: Hello! Could you be any creepier? Why are we here? Bonnie: You want me to make you truly immortal so that nothing can kill you. To do that, I need to talk to Qetsiyah, which means I need to lower the veil to the other side Katherine: That still doesn't explain why you made me trudge through mud in $500 boots Bonnie: A few miles that way, 12 hybrids were killed at the Lockwood cellar. And a few Miles that way, 12 humans died at the Young farm. And this is the site where 12 witches were killed Katherine: 13 if you don't get to the point Bonnie: It's the expression triangle. I need to charge all 3 points and channel the mystical energy from Silas's tombstone. Once that happens, I can drop the veil inside the 3 points and just long enough to get what I need Katherine: And what exactly do you need? Bonnie: Silas has done nothing but torment my friends. Now he wants to unleash hell on earth. He's evil. In 2,000 years, only one person has been able to put him down Katherine: Let me guess. Qetsiyah Bonnie: If I can contact her, I can ask her how to do it. Now hand me the rock Katherine: You're gonna flood Mystic Falls with dead, supernatural creatures so that you can ask a 2,000-year-old witch not one but two favors? Ha! I think I'll take my business elsewhere (She can't leave) Katherine: What the hell? Bonnie: I linked us. Which means you're stuck with me for the day. Silas can be anyone. If he gets in your head and figures out I don't need a full moon to do the spell, it's over. Now, about that tombstone [Mystic Falls' Hospital] (Stefan rejoins Damon) Damon: You just missed the donuts Stefan: Yeah, I was with Elena burning off a few thousand hate-filled calories. What happened to you helping me? Damon: Help? Yes. Prolonging the inevitable, waste of my time Stefan: Hmm. You're avoiding. How unexpected Damon: I'm not avoiding. Elena's only goal is to end Katherine's life, and that's not gonna just magically disappear with Pilates and a juice cleanse (Liz rejoins them) Liz: Hey, guys. Thanks for coming Damon: Hey. Why were we invited? Liz: Well, the hospital has kept the blood banks empty ever since they were raided last month. We thought at the very least, it would help keep the vampire population away Stefan: And it didn't? Liz: See for yourself (They go to a room) Liz: There were 4 other victims in this wing. Each one almost completely drained of blood. You think it's Silas? Damon: Or a doctor with some very questionable bedside manner Liz: But 5 victims? It's a lot of blood and it's not like he can take it with him Stefan: Unless he's fueling up for something big Liz: Big? Any details would be helpful, considering I'm dealing with 5 grieving families out there and a psychic killer on the loose Damon: Silas wants Bonnie to do a spell to drop the veil from the other side Liz: I have no idea what that means Damon: It's an invisible wall that separates our plane from the plane of all dead supernatural creatures. Now, Silas wants that to go away so he can take the cure, die, and not have to spend an eternity in a supernatural purgatory Liz: And when do you suppose Silas plans on doing this? Damon: Next full moon. Tomorrow night [Old Lockwood Cellar] (Bonnie and Katherine arrive) Katherine: Ugh. That old Lockwood cellar reeks of wet dog. I'll be staying up here Bonnie: You obviously don't know how this works (They enter) Katherine: You realize I'm not just some wandering child in a supermarket, right? I'm a vampire that can kill you Bonnie: Whatever happens to me happens to you. Do you really think I want you here? Katherine: And what is here? Oh. Right. 12 dead hybrids. This should be good [Mystic Grill] (Caroline, Rebekah and Matt are at the bar) Caroline: Is it supposed to rain tonight? Rebekah: Do I look like a meteorologist? (They look at Elena) Caroline: Someone needs to do something, before she explodes Rebekah: I got this (She rejoins Elena) Rebekah: Drink. You're putting everyone on edge. So. What's the deal? I'm new to this whole emotional switch situation Elena: It's not complicated. See that dart board? All I can picture is Katherine's face Rebekah: So, your emotions are on, they're just dialed to rage Elena: Look, Rebekah, I get that we had our Thelma and Louise thing back when I had my humanity off, but let me make one thing clear... We're not friends (Caroline rejoins them) Caroline: What about us? Are we still friends? All those things you said when your humanity was off, is that how you really feel? Elena: Caroline, I really don't feel like going down memory lane Caroline: Well, what about when you said, and I quote, "you're a repulsive, blood-sucking, control freak monster"? Did you really mean those things? Elena: If you're waiting for an apology, you're not gonna get one. I can't let myself feel bad, because if I feel bad, then I feel everything, and... We've all seen how well I handle that (The power's out. They go outside) Rebekah: The power's completely out Caroline: I'll call my mom! Maybe she knows what's going on [The Young Farm] Bonnie: 12 humans burned to death here. They died in vain for Silas Katherine: What did you do? Bonnie: I linked the final hot spot. It's time to drop the veil [Mystic Falls' Hospital] (Damon, Liz and Stefan are looking at a map) Liz: The power outages originated at 3 different places in town... the Young farm, the Lockwood estate, and a blown transformer off old Miller Road Stefan: These are the locations of the Silas massacres. It's the expression triangnle. Bonnie must be doing the spell Damon: So much for needing a full moon Liz: I know something else. One of the power company guys has a daughter who goes to school with Bonnie. He saw her leaving the Young farm an hour ago with Elena Stefan: But Caroline's with Elena Damon: Looks like Bonnie Bennett has a new doppelganger friend Liz: So, how do we find them? Stefan: Well, they must be somewhere in the triangle. My guess is right in the middle Damon: And where exactly might that be? [Mystic Falls' High School] (Damon and Stefan arrive. Elena rejoins them) Stefan: Where's Caroline? Elena: Inside looking for Bonnie. I think we should split up. Damon and I can look outside while you and Caroline look inside Stefan: All right. Let me know if you find anything (He leaves) Damon: Someone's an eager beaver Elena: Where's Katherine? Damon: Now I get it. One brother shoots you down, you ask the other one. Great Elena: You know, don't you? Damon: Do you not notice all the end of the world crap going on right now? Elena: Tell me that you don't want her dead. After everything that she did to you. Stringing you along for hundreds of years Damon: Elena, we don't need to list all the reasons that I hate Katherine. What we need to do is find Bonnie. Come on Elena: I don't care about Bonnie. I care about killing Katherine Damon: They're together. Ok? So maybe you should do a little less threatening and a little more looking. Come on (Stefan rejoins Caroline in the cafeteria) Stefan: Hey. There you are. Any luck? Caroline: I searched the whole school. She should be here (They hear a noise) Caroline: What was that? (They go in the cold room) Stefan: Hmm. Ice is melting Caroline: It just doesn't make any sense. This is the center of the triangle. If she's gonna do the spell, she has to do it here. This is where they should be Stefan: Actually, I think we're in the right place. Just the wrong elevation (Bonnie and Katherine are in the caves below the school) Bonnie: Ok. This is the center of the triangle. I'm ready. Now give me the tombstone Katherine: The fact that this spell hinges on some crappy hunk of blood-rock does little to inspire my confidence Bonnie: It's filled with the calcified blood of Qetsiyah, one of the strongest witches in the world (Damon is on the phone with Stefan) Damon: If I remember correctly, I think there's an entrance in the basement Stefan: Where's the basement? Elena: Off the boiler room Damon: You hear that? I'll meet you there (He hangs up and looks at Elena) Damon: You're gonna have to stay here Elena: Are you kidding me? Damon: We really need to stop Bonnie from doing this spell, and if you get all murderous and screw it up... Elena: Is that really the reason? Damon: As self-righteous as Stefan is, he has a point. Behind your rage, there is a tidal wave of feelings. All of your guilt, all your grief. Every emotion you've ever put off. And killing Katherine's gonna let it all in, and if you can't handle it, then we're back to square one Elena: And if I can? What if killing Katherine takes away all that grief and guilt? What if killing Katherine finally lets me feel all the good things that I've lost? Damon, help me. As soon as I get over this hurdle, I'll be me. I'll be able to think clearly. I'll be myself and everything will go back to normal Damon: She's strong. And crafty. And you'll die Elena: Then at least I'll die trying (Bonnie is doing the spell) Katherine: What is happening? Bonnie: I'm channeling the expression triangle. It's done. The veil is down (Damon Is lying on the ground. Alaric appears) Alaric: Need a hand? Damon: So, this is either really good or really bad Alaric: It's good to see you, too, Damon Damon: I'd say the feeling was mutual, except a lot of people aren't exactly who they say they are around here Alaric: You think I'm Silas? Are you kidding me? Damon: Uhh. See, this puts us in a bit of a pickle, 'cause that is exactly what Silas would say Alaric: Now, would Silas know about locker 42? (Damon embraces him) Damon: Hang on. If I can see you, and I can touch you that means the little witch did it. She dropped the veil Alaric: Well, not completely. It's only down inside the expression triangle. If I step outside of it, it's back to ghost world Damon: Where's everybody? I figure with the veil down, it'd be like ghost-a-palooza Alaric: Not every ghost has a reason to come back to Mystic Falls. Just the ones like me, looking out for their idiot best friends Damon: I'm more worried about the ones looking out for their enemies [Mystic Grill] (Matt and Rebekah are alone) Matt: This wind is weird. One minute it was blowing like a hurricane. Now nothing, not even a breeze Rebekah: Looks like something wicked finally came Matt: You know, you don't have to be here. I mean, technically, one of us is getting paid Rebekah: But it's fun. And kind of cozy. With the storm outside and the candlelight. And us (Someone enters) Rebekah: Oh, my God. Kol Kol: Greetings from the dead. So, who fancies a drink? Rebekah: I thought I'd never see you again Kol: Spare me the waterworks, sister. I've already watched you grieve. Lasted a full 24 hours, remember? Matt: I'm assuming this means Bonnie dropped the veil Kol: Not completely, and not for long. But who am I to give up an opportunity for revenge? My killer's already dead, but his sister's just as culpable. So maybe you could help me find her Matt: If you hurt Elena... Kol: Oh... I'm going to. But please, continue. I'm curious as to where you're going with this Rebekah: You've made your point, Kol. Leave Kol: First tell me where I can find Elena Rebekah: She left here hours ago. We don't know where she is. Now get out Kol: I see you finally got the quarterback to pay attention to you. How's the throwing arm, champ? [Mystic Falls' High School] (Katherine and Bonnie are still in the caves) Katherine: Tick tock, Bonnie Bonnie: Stop talking. I can't reach out to Qetsiyah with you breaking my concentration every 5 seconds Katherine: Bonnie. Did you hear that? Someone's coming Bonnie: Will you be quiet? Katherine: I have vampire hearing, Bonnie, and there's someone here. Unlink me so that I can go stall them while we wait for Qetsiyah to show up Bonnie: I'm not letting you go Katherine: Then at least give me some slack Bonnie: Fine. Go. Stop them (Katherine is in the tunnels) Katherine: Silas? Come and get me (Elena arrives) Elena: Hello, Katherine Katherine: I let you out of your cage and this is how you thank me? Elena: No. This is how I thank you (Bonnie is screaming. Stefan and Caroline enter) Stefan: Bonnie. Bonnie, what happened? Bonnie: Katherine. Find Katherine. We're linked Caroline: Then unlink her. You go. I'll stay with Bonnie (Elena is still fighting with Katherine) Elena: You have done nothing but suck the happiness out of my life. Uhh. Well, now I get to kill you Katherine: No, wait, please Elena: Good-bye, Katherine (Stefan intervenes) Elena: Stefan! Katherine: Thanks for the save, handsome Stefan: Get the hell out of here before I kill you myself Katherine: Really? I'm your biggest problem right now? [SCENE_BREAK] [Mystic Grill] (Rebekah is taking care of Matt) Rebekah: You know, I could just cure this for you easily, right? Matt: I'll be fine Rebekah: Why won't you ever let me help you? Matt: It's not you, it's... Look, people in this town have a bad habit of turning into vampires and I'd like to graduate High School as a human. I think there's a first aid kit in the back Rebekah: Ok (She goes in the back and finds Caroline) Rebekah: Caroline, how are you still here... Oh my god Caroline: I have to keep cutting [Mystic Falls' High School] (Caroline is with Bonnie) Caroline: Bonnie, are you ok? Bonnie: Yeah, now that I unlinked her Caroline: What are you doing down here? Bonnie: Waiting for Qetsiyah Caroline: You might be waiting a while. Qetsiyah's not coming, Bonnie Bonnie: But... I saw Caroline. How? I thought you couldn't get inside my head Silas: That's what I wanted you to think. I can make you see whatever I want you to see. Am I a disfigured monster? Of course not. A monster is what I wanted you to see. That's the beauty of all this. You have no idea who I am. Or what I look like. Or how deep I am inside of your head. You thought that you were more powerful than me? I'm stronger than you can imagine. I defeated the hunter's curse in minutes. You thought that you could betray me. You can't. I will always be one step ahead (Stefan is still with Elena) Elena: How could you save her? She was as good as dead Stefan: Yeah, and so was Bonnie. Bonnie used a spell to link herself to Katherine, so if you killed her, Bonnie would be dead, too Elena: How do you know that? Stefan: Because I saw her, Elena. You almost killed your best friend Elena: I don't believe you Stefan: Really? Elena: You never wanted me to kill Katherine. Why are you protecting her, Stefan? Stefan: Listen to yourself. Your rage is making you crazy Elena: Do you still have feelings for her? Stefan: This isn't even about Katherine. This is about Jeremy. What, you think that killing her will take all that pain away? It won't Elena: Oh, but beating up cinder blocks will? Stefan: No. It's a distraction. Just like killing Katherine, just like turning your emotions off. The truth is, there are no shortcuts. You are a vampire, Elena. Loss is part of the deal. Look, I've been alive for 163 years. I have lost more loved ones than I can count and it hurts me every single time Elena: So, there's no hope. You're saying I'm hopeless Stefan: No. I'm saying you have to face your grief. But you don't have to do it alone. I can help you Elena: Oh, of course you can. God, Stefan, always trying to help and your concern for me is just like... Stefan: You're transferring some rage on me. That's good Elena: I don't need to transfer anything. I can hate two people just fine Stefan: Elena... Elena: Just like the cinder block. Nothing [Mystic Grill] (Rebekah is trying to help Caroline) Rebekah: Caroline, hey. Snap out of it Caroline: I need to bleed. Silas wants me to bleed Rebekah: Stop it. You're hallucinating Caroline: Just let me do this. I need to do this Rebekah: You're going to cut your hand's off (Matt is on the phone with Damon) Matt: She's been here the whole time. That means Silas is with you Damon: Perfect Matt: Yeah, it gets worse. The veil's down. Kol came by looking for Elena. Seemed a little pissed Damon: Do you have any good news for me, Donovan? Matt: We'll handle this. .Just watch your back [Mystic Falls' High School] (Damon is with Alaric) Damon: Call Stefan. Tell him about Caroline. Tell him to keep an eye on Elena. God knows he'll do a better job than me Alaric: Stefan? Isn't she your girlfriend? Damon: Who knows? I know she was sired to me. I know her emotions were off. I know she's so full of rage she wants to rip Katherine's head off... Alaric: But you have no idea how she feels about you and now you're freaking out Damon: Call Stefan [Mystic Grill] Matt: Have you tried compelling her? Rebekah: I can't. She's on vervain Caroline: Let me go! Rebekah: Look, Caroline, you're graduating and Uncle Bob and Aunt Mary really want you to graduate with both your hands Caroline: I need to keep cutting. I need to keep cutting. I need to keep cutting Rebekah: Stop! Caroline: Bitch! Rebekah: That is the Caroline I know and loathe [Mystic Falls' High School] Bonnie: Stay away from me Caroline/Silas: Gladly. Once you finish the spell. Then when the veil is dropped completely, I can take the cure. I just want to pass on, Bonnie. I'll even let you kill me. I'll be out of your life for good Bonnie: But every dead supernatural creature will be roaming the earth Caroline/Silas: Well, if you don't help me, I'll be roaming the earth Bonnie: I was never gonna drop the veil Caroline/Silas: I'm curious. What was your plan? Pow-wow with Qetsiyah? Brainstorm ways to put me down? Qetsiyah's not coming. She wants me on the other side with her. For eternity Damon: Bonnie? Bonnie? Caroline/Silas: That sounds familiar (He takes Alaric's appearance) Alaric/Silas: Maybe Damon will convince you Bonnie: I won't let you... Caroline/Silas: You won't let me what? You feel that, Bonnie? The air. Thinning. Barely enough to breathe [Mystic Falls' Cemetery] (Elena goes to Jeremy's grave) Elena: '"Brother and friend"? What genius came up with that one? I give up, Jer. I really wanted to kill her for you, but... There's no point. Stefan's right. It's just a distraction. And... I can't. I can't do this. I can't... I can't move on, and I don't want to. If that makes me weak, then fine, I'm weak. But I can't handle you... I can't handle you being gone... And I can't handle feeling like this anymore (Kol arrives) Kol: Hello, old friend. Pity about your brother. Guess it's just me against you now [Mystic Falls' High School] (Bonnie can't barely breathe. Sheila appears) Sheila: Bonnie. This isn't real, Bonnie. Feel the air in your lungs. Break through Bonnie: Silas? Sheila: Would Silas try and save your life? Now, breathe, child. There Bonnie: I was so worried about you Sheila: I know but I'm okay. I've been watching over you Bonnie: I messed up. I'm sorry Sheila: You can still stop Silas Bonnie: No, I can't. Qetsiyah was able to immobilize him so he couldn't feed and get into people's heads. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to put him down Sheila: You can do that. Expression is the manifestation of your will. You can do anything. I don't like it, but sometimes, there are no choices. But you are strong enough. You can do this (Damon is in the caves and stumbles upon Alaric) Alaric: Whoa. It's just me. I called Stefan. He's heading for Elena. Did you find Silas? Damon: Yup Alaric: Oh! Damon, it's me! Damon: No, you're not. I've spent more time in these tunnels than I care to admit and there's no way you just came from the school. Your mind games don't work on me, Silas (Bonnie arrives) Bonnie: I may not be able to kill you, but I will stop you. I will make the blood clot in your veins. I will make every bone, muscle, and joint in your body turn to stone Damon: What the hell is happening? Bonnie: He can't hide behind his mind control anymore. He's becoming his true self Damon: Who exactly might his true self be? Bonnie: I guess we'll never know [Mystic Falls' Cemetery] (Kol and Elena are fighting) Kol: Now, this is what I've missed. Two people connecting. It's lonely on the other side. I swear, being invisible will drive you mad. The way you couldn't see me standing in front of you, or feel my breath on your cheek as I whispered all the ways that I wished for you to suffer. But at least, now you can Elena: Go ahead, Kol. Kill me. You'll be doing me a favor Kol: As you wish, darling (Jeremy appears) Jeremy: How many times do I need to kill you? Kol: Jeremy Gilbert. You're back. Now, what's the saying? Kill me once, shame on you, kill me twice, shame on... (Stefan intervenes and breaks his neck) Stefan: Let's leave it at that, shall we? (Jeremy rushes toward Elena) Jeremy: Elena?! Elena? Elena: Jeremy [The Woods] (Damon and Stefan are with Bonnie) Bonnie: You need to get rid of Silas's body Damon: Well, there's a slight problem, Medusa. Even though you turned him into stone, if he gets one more drop of blood, he's back to his old mind tricks Stefan: All right. So, let's do what we should've done to Klaus. Let's drop his body in the middle of the ocean (Elena and Jeremy rejoin them) Elena: Bonnie... I don't know what to say Bonnie: You don't have to say anything Elena: I was so horrible to you Bonnie: You weren't you. I know what that's like. I wasn't me for a long time. We can talk about that later. You got some catching up to do Jeremy: thank you Bonnie Bonnie: I'll give you guys as much time as I can... But I have to go put the veil back up Stefan: I should make sure Kol's body is somewhere safe until the veil goes back up Elena: Stefan... Stefan: Welcome back (He leaves. She looks at Damon) Elena: There isn't enough time Damon: It'll never be enough time Elena: Damon, I'm sorry Damon: Stop. The most important thing right now is Jeremy. And saying good-bye [Mystic Grill] (Stefan enters. Caroline's here) Caroline: Good. You're here. We need to celebrate Stefan: Yeah, I'm not really in the mood to... celebrate Caroline: What's wrong with you? Silas is dead, or whatever, and you're just sitting here like a bump on a log Stefan: There was someone that I thought I would see today, and... I didn't. That's all (Lexi enters) Lexi: You better mean me Stefan: You've got to be kidding me (She looks at Caroline) Lexi: Thank you for keeping an eye on this one [The Woods] (Damon puts Silas in the trunk) Damon: Calcified Silas is a heavy son of a bitch Alaric: Can't think of a more appropriate way to spent my last moments as a semi-living person Damon: Oh, I'm sorry. You have someplace better to be? Alaric: Guess not Damon: Thought you were cutting back Alaric: Yeah, well... I thought you were gonna take care of the children Damon: You heard that? That's not creepy Alaric: I... Found this in the dead guy's pocket. Thought it might do more use here than, say, 3 miles below sea level Damon: What the hell am I supposed to do with this? Alaric: Get the girl [A street] (Stefan and Lexi are walking) Lexi: She punched you in the face? Stefan: Yep Lexi: Ha ha ha! Take a hint Stefan: So, you've been back what, 5 minutes, and you're already laughing at me? Lexi: No. I've been laughing at you for a while. You just haven't been able to see me Stefan: Do you have any idea how much I missed you? Lexi: Trust me. I do. Although I see I've been replaced by another blonde Stefan: What'd you give me that look for? Lexi: She's cute Stefan: Do not start [Mystic Falls' High School] (Bonnie is back in the cave with Sheila) Sheila: You have to put up the veil Bonnie: Not yet Sheila: What are you doing, Bonnie? Bonnie: I can bring Jeremy back. I can keep him here Sheila: No, you can't Bonnie: Elena needs him. This was always the plan. Jeremy wasn't supposed to die Sheila: It was the will of nature. There is no magic in this world that is strong enough to challenge it Bonnie: I have every magic. I have the spirits (She casts a spell) Sheila: stop it! Bonnie: I have expression Sheila: Stop it, Bonnie Bonnie: And I have the darkness Sheila: Bonnie, stop (Bonnie continues to cast the spell) [Mystic Grill] (Matt and Rebekah are outside) Matt: In case Caroline didn't thank you for pulling her out of that hallucination earlier... Thanks Rebekah: I'm just glad I got a chance to knock her upside the face (She sees someone) Rebekah: Oh, my god Matt: Who the hell is that? Rebekah: That is my ex-boyfriend Alexander. He's a vampire hunter. Thank God. The power's coming back. Maybe that means the veil's almost up and he'll disappear again Matt: Or not Rebekah: We should get out of here (They turn themselves. Connor and Vaughn are here) Connor: You should Vaughn: Too bad you can't [Mystic Falls' High School] (Bonnie wakes up. Sheila is here) Sheila: I'm sorry, Bonnie. The spell. It was just too much Bonnie: Oh, my God. I'm dead Ecrit par popo34000

As graduation approaches, Caroline tries to distract Elena by focusing on simple tasks like sending out announcements about graduation, but Elena won't be swayed from her new obsession. Sheriff Forbes calls Damon and Stefan to the hospital, where someone has been attacking patients. Still trying to force Katherine to help her, Bonnie refuses to give up on her plan to defeat Silas. As a violent wind storm causes a power outage in Mystic Falls, ghosts suddenly appear some with good intentions and some bent on revenge. Bonnie turns Silas into stone and dies trying to bring Jeremy back to life.

fd_NCIS_02x15

fd_NCIS_02x15_0

EXT. WOODS - VIEWFINDER WILLIAM MOORE: (V.O.) I am here in Shenandoah State Park. Oh, that's beautiful. Wow!(CAMERA PANS POND AND HILLSIDE THROUGH VIEWFINDER) (ACTION CONTINUES AS MOORE TUMBLES DOWN THE HILL) (MUSIC OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: (V.O.) He did that? Yeah? (INTO PHONE) You're kidding. Well, I wouldn't put it in my romantic column, Deb. Definitely kinky. Maybe affectionately odd. But I mean, I don't find anything romantic about having s*x with...I'll call you back later. (HANGS UP PHONE) TONY: s*x with a what? KATE: None of your business. TONY: Another woman? KATE: Go back to your desk. TONY: Another man? KATE: I told you. TONY: Some kind of root vegetable? KATE: You're disgusting. TONY: Wasn't me having a conversation about kinky s*x, Kate. KATE: It was a private conversation, Tony, something you seem to have a difficult time with. TONY: If I'd been having that conversation, you'd accuse me of being a Neanderthal. KATE: Well, that doesn't require a conversation, Tony. TONY: You know what I think, Kate? I think there's a secret side to you. A Spike Steele video kind of side. Keep it hidden under your mattress. KATE: Leave now. TONY: Ah, you're a Spike Steel fan, aren't you, Probie? MCGEE: What, the p0rn star? TONY: No, the physicist. MCGEE: Oh, no not really. He looks kind of sleazy. KATE: Actually he looks a little bit like Tony. TONY: Oh, you have no idea how much he looks like me. Kate, how do you know what he looks like? KATE: I saw him on the news when he was arrested a few years ago. TONY: Really. Spike Steel's real name is Jay McMann. And according to the National Crime Database he's never been arrested. Ever.(SFX: KEYBOARDING B.G.) GIBBS: What're you waiting for, DiNozzo? TONY: Uh... GIBBS: Gas the truck. TONY: I knew that. GIBBS: McGee, get Ducky. MCGEE: What am I telling him, Boss? GIBBS: We have a dead Marine in Shenandoah River State Park. Come on! Let's go! [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STATE PARK - DAY KETT: (V.O.) Sergeant William Moore. Call came in from his wife. GIBBS: The friend? KETT: Sergeant Roger Caine. All camping together. This morning they were going to hike this trail. Sergeant Moore went ahead early to film the sunrise. When they couldn't find him, they called us. Early in the morning, it's really slippery up here. Sergeant lost his traction and slipped. GIBBS: Are you a trained investigator, Ranger Kett? KETT: Been working this park five years, Agent Gibbs. It's as treacherous as it comes up here. Seen a lot of hikers go over. GIBBS: This hiker was a Marine. KETT: Yeah, well, this Marine slipped and fell to his death. GIBBS: You said he was filming. KETT: That's what his wife said. No sign of the camera. GIBBS: Me and my team can take it from here. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. TRAIL - DAY KATE: I wonder what happened to McGee? TONY: Probably passed out on the side of the trial sucking his thumb. KATE: He joined a gym, you know. TONY: Is that right? MCGEE: (SHOUTS) Wait up! TONY: He should get his money back. Where the hell have you been? MCGEE: Ducky needed some help with his gear. How much further is this? KATE: It's another quarter of a mile. TONY: Uphill. Stamina, Probie. It's very important in our profession. As it is in Spike Steel's profession. KATE: You relate to him, don't you, Tony? TONY: Oh, we have a lot in common. KATE: Stamina? TONY: For one. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CREEK - DAY DUCKY: What are your preliminary findings, Mister Palmer? JIMMY: Ah, lacerations, bruises, contusions consistent with a fall of this kind. DUCKY: And? JIMMY: And uh... I would imagine that the victim has sustained fractures of several limbs. DUCKY: Cause of death? JIMMY: Impossible to say until we get him back, but from the looks of his head wounds, I would say that he probably struck a rock. DUCKY: Cause of death? JIMMY: Shock. DUCKY: That would be my supposition as well. JIMMY: But what I don't get is the flesh trauma. What kind of wounds are these, Doctor? DUCKY: They're Coyote. They would eat the exposed tissue first. JIMMY: What's second? DUCKY: If what I suspect is true, the abdominal cavity has been chewed open. The liver and kidney are a rich source of nutrients for these creatures. JIMMY: That's gross, Doctor. DUCKY: Well actually, Mister Palmer, we're quite lucky here. In some cases they chew off the head and carry it away so they won't have to fight other coyotes for it. My coroner friend in Los Angeles says coyotes take it "to go." They're very strange in Los Angeles. GIBBS: Anything unusual, Duck? DUCKY: Not really, Jethro. I'll know more when I get our Marine back on the table. MCGEE: Boss! I found the camcorder! [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CAMPGROUND - DAY JUDY: He was obsessed with the stupid camera. I gave it to him on his birthday. Maybe if he hadn't, he wouldn't have slipped. GIBBS: Anybody else at this campsite while you were here. CAINE: No, Sir. Just the drunk. He was nothing to worry about. He was in a trailer over there. Scruffy guy. He was drinking too much. He got loud. We asked him to keep it down. GIBBS: He didn't keep it down? CAINE: No, Sir. So we went over there and tried to reason with him. That's when he took a swing. KATE: You took a swing back? CAINE: No, Ma'am. Bill put him in a head-lock 'til he calmed down and then he just took off. GIBBS: I don't suppose you got a license number? CAINE: No, point, Sir. The guy was harmless. JUDY: Bill spends eight months in Iraq and dies filming a sunrise in Virginia. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) ABBY: That's not the way it works, Gibbs. This thing has been in water for hours. You don't just spray a little Four-Oh-Nine on the tape and off you go. GIBBS: Tape? ABBY: Yes. It's digital video tape. GIBBS: I thought everything was a chip these days. ABBY: No, they kind of married the old school with the new. You know like new hip-hoppers will go back to old-school rappers like Sugar Hill Gang. GIBBS: How long? ABBY: I have to separate the cartridge. I have to submerge the wheels in a cleaning solution with the heads up against it. I have to remove the silt contaminants so they don't shred the tape... GIBBS: How long Abby? ABBY: Um... three, maybe four hours. GIBBS: Let me know when you got it. ABBY: Hey Gibbs, do you have a camcorder? GIBBS: Yeah. Digital, okay? ABBY: Good, Gibbs! Way to go! Did you make the jump to CDs yet? Because if you didn't, it's cool because all the hot D.J.s, they use vinyl these days anyway. GIBBS: Just get it to me. ABBY: Hey Gibbs! Gibbs! Gibbs! Gibbs! Gibbs! Gibbs! Gibbs! Peace out, man. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: Indiscriminate predators; coyotes, fish, cats, garbage. They'll eat anything they can chew, unlike my mother who can no longer chew anything. I assure you, Mister Palmer, it is a beastly sight. JIMMY: Yes, it is, Doctor. DUCKY: I was speaking of my mother. JIMMY: Right. DUCKY: Have you ever seen a rib-eye steak that's been reduced to baby food by a Cuisinart? JIMMY: Not recently. DUCKY: It's remarkably similar to her burritos and her pizzas. Not to mention the Sunday dinner treat sushi through a straw. Give me a pair of tweezers, Mister Palmer. There's something peculiar here. JIMMY: What is it, Doctor? DUCKY: I haven't a clue. That's why you will take it directly up to Abby. I was thinking, Mister Palmer... JIMMY: Yes, Doctor? DUCKY: Perhaps it about time you came over to the house one evening. JIMMY: Came over? DUCKY: Join us for dinner. JIMMY: Ah... that'd... that would be great. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: Northern White Ash. Ash trees are not indigenous to this area. And even if they were, you know any that have kiln dried wood and a lacquer coating? GIBBS: Lacquer? ABBY: Yep. Clear coat. GIBBS: Baseball bat. ABBY: Wooden bats are made out of either maple or ash. Ash is more popular, but it tends to splinter more easily GIBBS: Especially when they come in contact with somebody's skull. ABBY: Somebody did a Barry Bonds on Sergeant Moore's head, Gibbs. (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: (V.O.) Sergeant William Moore, transferred from Camp Lejeune to Quantico two months ago. (ON CAMERA) He was serving as an E-I for all newly commissioned Marine Officers. MCGEE: E.I.? TONY: Enlisted instructor, Probie. MCGEE: Uh... what did he teach, Kate? KATE: Well, according to his records, MOUT. TONY: MOUT stands for military operations.. MCGEE: Yes, I know what it stands for, Tony. TONY: Well, excuse me for trying to help junior agents! MCGEE: Trust me, when I need help you will be the first person I ask...where Gibbs or Kate is. (TONY LAUGHS) KATE: Are you two done? TONY: For the moment. KATE: These are the last two people to have seen our Sergeant alive. His best friend, and his wife. MCGEE: Hey! TONY: Now I'm done. Continue. KATE: Do you think that one or both of them could have murdered the Sergeant? TONY: Well it is kind of weird a single guy hanging out with a married couple. MCGEE: I agree. KATE: Why is that? TONY: Well, because he's a single guy hanging out with married people. KATE: I do that all the time. TONY: Yeah, but you bring a date, right? KATE: Not... always. MCGEE: Are you related to them? KATE: No. (LONG BEAT) What? TONY: Well, who usually invites you ...? MCGEE: The man or the woman? KATE: I don't know, I guess usually the guy. Okay, a lot of my friends are from the Secret Service, and most of them happen to be men. TONY: What about your ... girlfriend who called yesterday morning? KATE: Well, Deb is married to one of my buddies, Rick. (TONY AND MCGEE GIGGLE) KATE: Okay, so what you're trying to say is that all of my married male friends secretly want to sleep with me? TONY: Pretty much. Yeah. KATE: That's very mature, Tony. And for your information, men and women can just be friends. Isn't that right, McGee?(TONY AND MCGEE GIGGLE) MCGEE: Technically. KATE: What do you mean technically? TONY: He means she'd have to be pretty ugly first.(TONY AND MCGEE GIGGLE) MCGEE: I didn't say that. KATE: I swear I do not get paid enough for this. GIBBS: For what, Kate? KATE: Nothing. We are just discussing potential suspects. TONY: Focusing on the Sergeant's wife and best friend, Boss. GIBBS: Yeah. Well, come on. We've got one more. (TONY AND MCGEE GIGGLE) KATE: You guys are four years old, honestly. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY TONY: Uh... nice hat. KATE: Attractive. MCGEE: In a weird way. GIBBS: Why? ABBY: Well, I had to set up a clean room in the ballistics lab to work on the damaged videotape. And just throwing the hats away seemed sort of wasteful. So I decided to recycle. What do you think? GIBBS: I think it suits you. Now what's on the tape? ABBY: Oh, I haven't finished cleaning it up yet, but I have a P-O-I. TONY: Person of interest. GIBBS: Let's see it. ABBY: The following program has been edited for time and content. It may not be appropriate for younger viewers. GIBBS: Abby! ABBY: Right. JUDY: (ON TAPE) This isn't a good idea, Bill. MOORE: (ON TAPE) I've asked this guy three times to turn his music down. CAINE: (ON TAPE) Yea, now we make him. MOORE: (ON TAPE) And if he has a gun or something in there? CAINE: (ON TAPE) I film it and we get the redneck arrested. MOORE: (ON TAPE) Way to encourage him, Roger. CAINE: (ON TAPE) Oh, come on, honey. It's not that big of a deal. We'll be right back. ABBY: Okay, this next part is like an outtake from Deliverance. RUNION: (ON TAPE) I thought I told you guys to leave me the hell alone! MOORE: (ON TAPE) Sir. We will once you turn the music down.(SFX: DOG BARKS B.G.) RUNION: (ON TAPE) What? Do you think I'm afraid of you or something? MOORE: (ON TAPE) I'm not here to fight you. We just want you to lower the music... (SFX: STRUGGLE) MOORE: (ON TAPE) Hey hey hey! RUNION: (ON TAPE) I'll kill you! I'll kill you! MOORE: (ON TAPE) No. What you just did, you just assaulted me on camera. Now either you leave or we're going to call the cops. RUNION: (ON TAPE) All right. Just let me go. MOORE: (ON TAPE) Huh? RUNION: (ON TAPE) All right. GIBBS: We need to I.D. this guy. ABBY: Oh, I'm way ahead of you, Gibbs. I got a shot of the license plate. It is registered to a David Runion. His last address is an R.V. campground in Manassas. He's since moved. GIBBS: Find him. That's good work, Abby. Tony, head back to Shenandoah State Park. Take McGee. TONY: For what exactly, Boss? GIBBS: I want to know where the Sergeant was killed before he was tossed off that cliff. TONY: Oh. Get the sedan ready, Probie. I'll meet you out front. ABBY: So Kate, you really like my hat? KATE: Uh... it's different. ABBY: Cool, because I made you one! KATE: Abby, I don't know what to say. ABBY: Put it on! KATE: Okay. MCGEE: She bet me twenty bucks that she could make you wear that today.(MCGEE WALKS O.S.) ABBY: Your cut. KATE: Pleasure doing business with you, Abs. ABBY: Totally. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STATE PARK - DAY TONY: Hurry it up, McGee. MCGEE: I mean, you could have helped. TONY: I did. I carried the camera. Moore was a Marine, a combat veteran. Probably not the easiest guy in the world to sneak up on. MCGEE: Unless he knew his attacker. TONY: Or was ambushed. It's pretty wide open space. Let's check out the tree line. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TRAIL - DAY MCGEE: Blood drop. TONY: Sure looks like it. Okay, we're going to have to search in there. You're going to want to watch out for-- MCGEE: Yes, I know how to search a wooded area, Tony. I'm not an idiot. TONY: I didn't say you were. MCGEE: Then why do you always treat me like one? TONY: Just trying to impart a little wisdom, McGee. MCGEE: Look, I graduated top of my class at FLET-C. So I think I can handle it. TONY: Be my guest. Give me a call if you find anything. MCGEE: I will. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: I found David Runion, Gibbs. He checked into another campground twenty miles from the Shenandoah State Park. Also ran a background check on him. He's served time. GIBBS: For what? KATE: Assault and battery. He nearly beat a man to death with a pool cue in ninety three. GIBBS: Looks like this time he might have succeeded. KATE: We getting a warrant? GIBBS: We need evidence for a warrant, Kate. Right now I just want to talk to him. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. WOODED AREA - DAY MCGEE: Tony! I found it! (PASSAGE OF TIME) TONY: Not bad. Not bad at all, McGee. MCGEE: Thanks. Hey, I'm sorry about that there. TONY: Don't mention it. Besides, that's a pretty brave thing to do. MCGEE: What do you mean brave? TONY: Well, crawling around back here in all this poison ivy. I don't know if I would have done it. MCGEE: You're... you're kidding, right? TONY: Leaves of three let them be, McGee. A little something I picked up during my first year. Don't touch me, by the way. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. CAMPGROUND - DAY KATE: Is that a rat or a dog? Hey, buddy. Hey. Oh. Sorry. I wouldn't do that if I were you, Gibbs. One day you're going to have to tell me how you do that.(SFX: DOG GROWLS/BARKS) GIBBS: Easy. They can sense sarcasm. (SFX: DOG GROWLS/BARKS) (GIBBS AND KATE WALK TO THE CAMPER) GIBBS: (SHOUTS) Runion! Special Agents Gibbs and Todd, NCIS! I'd like to ask you a few questions! (KNOCK ON DOOR) (DOOR OPENS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAMPER - DAY GIBBS: Clear. What do you think? KATE: The word disgusting comes to mind. GIBBS: You smell that? KATE: Ah, if you're referring to the urine, yes. GIBBS: No, I meant this. KATE: Marijuana? GIBBS: Yeah, it's recent too. Ah... KATE: Well, it's enough to bring him in and hold him for a while. GIBBS: Oh, yeah. (SFX: DOG BARKS) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CAMPGROUND - DAY KATE: (SHOUTS) Runion! Federal agents! Stop! (SFX: DOG CONTINUES BARKING) (MUSIC OVER ACTION/KATE AND GIBBS CHASE RUNION) RUNION: Idiots. GIBBS: Put your hands behind your head. RUNION: How did you...? GIBBS: Sneak up on you like that? RUNION: Yeah. GIBBS: I used to do it for a living. Back then you'd be dead instead of under arrest. Any other questions? RUNION: Uh-uh. GIBBS: I didn't think so. (FADE TO BLACK) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY RUNION: I know you can hear me out there. I'm telling you for the last time. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY RUNION: I gotta use the bathroom. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY RUNION: Okay, have it your way. It won't be the first time I had to do this. KATE: Maybe we should. TONY: He's bluffing. KATE: Tony, you didn't see the inside of his camper. TONY: That bad, huh? KATE: Picture the most disgusting public restroom you've ever been in, covered in puss and vomit. I would still rather live there than this guy's place. TONY: That's nice, Kate. KATE: You should thank me. Eating that crap will kill you. TONY: I'm more concerned about what Gibbs will do if this redneck takes one in our interrogation room. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) RUNION: I gotta use the bathroom. GIBBS: Hold it. RUNION: I can't. GIBBS: Good, we can do this quick. Why'd you murder Sergeant William Moore? RUNION: What? Who the hell is that? GIBBS: That's right. You probably don't recall his name. MOORE: (ON TAPE) Sir, I'm not here to fight you. We just want you to lower the music.(SFX: DOG BARKS B.G.) (STRUGGLE) (ON TAPE) Hey hey hey! RUNION: (ON TAPE) I'll kill you. MOORE: (ON TAPE) What you just did was assault-- GIBBS: He was found yesterday lying at the bottom of a cliff. RUNION: Is that what this is all about? You think I killed some jarhead? No way, man. Nice try. GIBBS: Why'd you run? RUNION: 'Cause of the pot in my trailer. I got a medical condition. GIBBS: What? Stupidity? RUNION: Oh, man. I was really drunk that night. I barely even remember the guy. I sure as hell didn't kill him. GIBBS: Where were you yesterday between five thirty and seven thirty a.m.? RUNION: Sleeping. Yeah, at the rest stop off Two Eleven. I didn't even wake up until after ten o'clock. GIBBS: Witnesses. RUNION: Oh, sure. I mean, there were lots of other cars and trucks when I pulled in. GIBBS: I need names. RUNION: I don't have any names. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY KATE: There are two rest stops on that road, Tony. TONY: Check if they have any video surveillance or attendants. KATE: On it. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Running it, boss. RUNION: So what happens now? GIBBS: You've got a violent past, your alibi's weak. And I've got you on tape threatening the victim. You tell me, Runion? DAVID: It's been this way my whole life. It's always been like this. One freakin' nightmare after another. But I swear to you, Agent Gibbs, I didn't kill anybody. GIBBS: We found your bat. DAVID: What bat? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY MCGEE: Hey, Abby. You got something? ABBY: Well, I've got good news and bad news. This is definitely our bat. The splinter from Sergeant Moore's head fits perfectly. MCGEE: Bad news? ABBY: It's been wiped clean of any prints. The only thing on it is urushiol oil. That's the stuff found in ... aah! MCGEE: What?! ABBY: You... you have to see this for yourself. MCGEE: Whoa! This is going to hurt, isn't it? ABBY: Yes. MCGEE: I look like a circus freak! Abby, what do I do? ABBY: Um... well, you could use Calamine lotion. Or perhaps just wear some sort of mask. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: (INTO PHONE) And can you mark it "Special Agent Todd." Thanks, Sheriff Lester. Dinner? Aren't you married? Well, it does to me. (TO TONY) My mother wonders why I'm not married. (HANGS UP) TONY: So does mine. KATE: Could you stop doing that? TONY: I'm practicing, Kate. KATE: What? Annoying me? TONY: No, the creepy way Gibbs used to sneak up on us. KATE: What do you mean used to? TONY: The old man's been wearing Ben-Gay lately. I can smell him coming a mile away. GIBBS: Is that a fact, DiNozzo? TONY: Knee feeling better, Boss? GIBBS: Much. TONY: Great. GIBBS: What about Runion's alibi? KATE: I've got the local sheriff pulling the security tapes from the rest stops on Route Two-Eleven. TONY: And we have a description of his pickup and trailer circulating with the state cops who worked the area that night. KATE: Do you think he did it, Gibbs? GIBBS: Oh, yeah. And Tony is cleaning up. (INTO PHONE) Janitorial, don't worry about interrogation. DiNozzo is gonna handle it. (TO TONY) You still here? TONY: Are you serious? ...You serious? Oh. In my defense, I did use the word creepy in the most... affectionate way. Right. KATE: You might want to use gloves. GIBBS: Where's McGee? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: Oh, let's see what we're dealing with here, Timothy. Ah, the dreaded Toxicodendrom radicans... the Poison Ivy plant. You seem to be particularly allergic to it. Usually it takes several days for this sort of reaction to develop. MCGEE: I'm lucky that way. DUCKY: The last time I encountered a case of this magnitude, two young lovers fell asleep naked in a field of it. I don't think Sarah has ever forgiven me for that one. MCGEE: What I don't understand is how did I get it all over my face? DUCKY: It's the urushiol oil in the plant. Yes, once it gets on your hands it spreads by contact. MCGEE: Um... then I have a major problem, Ducky. When I was out there, I um... I had to... you know...? DUCKY: No, I don't. MCGEE: Relieve myself. DUCKY: Oh. Ooh. Well, let's take a look then. MCGEE: This is kind of embarrassing. DUCKY: I'm a doctor, McGee. I have seen everything there is to see more times than I care to remember. Good Lord! MCGEE: What? Is it bad? DUCKY: No, no it's fine. Fine. Nothing to worry about. I didn't expect to see quite so much ...swelling. MCGEE: If Tony finds out about this I'm going to have to quit. DUCKY: Well your secret is safe with me.(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) JIMMY: Doctor, I've got the new inspection forms you req - I'll come back.(SFX: DOORS SLIDE CLOSED) DUCKY: Him I'm not so sure about. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: (V.O.) Runion's trailer pulled into the rest stop around one a.m. that morning, (ON CAMERA) Gibbs. And with a little image enhancement... TONY: Runion. I can almost smell him from here. GIBBS: How long did he stay? KATE: All night. GIBBS: Distance from Shenandoah River State Park? TONY: It's about two miles, Boss. KATE: Well, I guess he was telling the truth. We're going to have to find a new suspect. (PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs. (TO KATE AND TONY) Maybe not. Come on. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: How you feeling? MCGEE: Like an idiot. Tony tried to warn me. I didn't listen. ABBY: Oh, don't feel bad. The same thing happened to him the first year he was here. MCGEE: Really? ABBY: Not quite this spectacularly, but yeah. MCGEE: So honestly, how do I look? ABBY: Um... do you want the truth, or do you want me to lie to you to ease the burden of your own self-loathing. MCGEE: I'd prefer the lie. ABBY: Me, too. You're the fairest in the land, McGee. GIBBS: Okay, what have you got for me, Abs? MCGEE: It looks worse than it is. KATE: I'm not so sure about that. TONY: She means you look like the elephant man, Probie. KATE: Tony. TONY: It's true. GIBBS: Can you still work, McGee? MCGEE: Yeah sure, Boss. GIBBS: Okay, what have you got for me, Abby? ABBY: Um, I cleaned up more of the Sergeant's videotape. GIBBS: I need to see the last thing he shot. ABBY: Ooh, unfortunately that's the part that received the most damage from the impact. It was in contact from the heads and a lot of the data got... GIBBS: When? ABBY: I sent it to the Naval photo lab and hopefully I'm going to have it back by tomorrow. GIBBS: Well what am I doing here, Abby? ABBY: Because of this. This is from the beginning of the tape. It's mostly them setting up camp and checking out the area. And then there is... this. TONY: (V.O.) It looks like the widow and the best friend don't know they're being videotaped. (DIALOGUE OVER CAMCORDER SCENES) ABBY: (V.O.) And on the next side... MOORE: (ON TAPE) Honey, what's wrong? TONY: Still think men and women can just be friends, Kate? (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: I can't be sure, Gibbs. According to Gloria, lip reading was never my strong suit. KATE: Gloria her deaf sister? GIBBS: Mm-mm. Mother. ABBY: I think Judy Moore is saying... we have to something... blank him. KATE: Kill? ABBY: No... GIBBS: Murder? ABBY: Nope. TONY: Love. ABBY: No. TONY: I really wish you'd stop doing that. GIBBS: I will, Tony, once you stop blanking up. KATE: Abby, could you pull the video back wider? You see how she's touching his face? I mean, it's very intimate. Clearly there's more than a friendship going on here. TONY: Which just goes to prove my point about the sexes, Kate. GIBBS: DiNozzo, you pick up Sergeant Caine in the morning. Kate, you pick up Judy Moore, don't tell her why. TONY: Looks like we're going to play Gibb's favorite game. ABBY: Musical interrogation rooms. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. ARMY BASE - DAY MCGEE: People are staring at me. TONY: Of course. You're hideously disfigured, Probie. If you'd listened to me you wouldn't be in this mess. MCGEE: If I'd listened to you, Gibbs would have fired me six months ago. You were going to whack me, but you stopped. Why? TONY: Ah, I remember what was like being the new guy, trying to fit in, never make mistakes. Of course, the obvious. MCGEE: You like me? TONY: No, it would be like touching a leper. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BUILDINGS - DAY CAINE: Ladies and gentlemen, this way please. My favorite part of the tour - the Marine Corps sniper. One of the most feared warriors in the world. After a brief demonstration... Corporal Cameron will be happy to answer any questions you may have. I'll meet you by the command center when he's done. CAMERON: (V.O.) Ladies and Gentlemen, you'll notice that our sniper... [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BUILDINGS - DAY CAINE: Any more information about Sergeant Moore's accident, Sir? TONY: Sure, except that it wasn't an accident. MCGEE: It was murder, Sergeant Caine. CAINE: Murder? How? TONY: Baseball bat to the head. MCGEE: Fifty-foot fall from a cliff. TONY: Coyotes probably didn't help. CAINE: That redneck must have overheard Bill saying he was going to film up there in the morning. We've got to find him! TONY: We did. CAINE: You need me to I.D. him? TONY: No. We do want to know what happened when Sergeant Moore found out you were sleeping with his wife. CAINE: She told you that? TONY: No, he did. Didn't know he was videotaping you, did you? CAINE: It's not what you think. TONY: Oh, so you weren't sleeping with her? MCGEE: You're under arrest, Sergeant. CAINE: For what? TONY: We'll start with adultery and work our way up from there. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY JUDY: I don't mean to be rude, but couldn't you have just sent me my husband's personal effects, Agent Todd? KATE: Well, normally we would have but that camera you bought him is pretty expensive. JUDY: It still works? GIBBS: Yeah. In a way. Water? JUDY: Thank you. KATE: So Mrs. Moore, tell us about your husband? What kind of a man was he? (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) JUDY: Loving, gentle. GIBBS: What about jealous? TONY: Where do you want him, Boss? GIBBS: Interrogation one. JUDY: Roger? CAINE: Judy, what the hell did you tell them? TONY: No talking, Marine! JUDY: What is going on here? GIBBS: That's what you're going to tell me, Mrs. Moore. Take her to interrogation room two. (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs. KATE: I'll read you your rights on the way. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY GIBBS: Did you get the last shot from my tape? ABBY: I'm just working on it now, Gibbs. It's kind of like a nature documentary but with a riveting murder mystery subplot. This is where it gets interesting. (TAPE PLAYS) (SFX: MOORE GROANS/FALLS) GIBBS: He slipped and fell? ABBY: In the original version. But this movie comes with an alternate ending. In slo-mo, right when the camera slams to the ground... (TAPE PLAYS) GIBBS: The killer recorded over it. ABBY: The impact caused the heads to lose contact with the tape, preserving two frames from the original recording. I've been working on cleaning them up. GIBBS: Any way to recover the rest? ABBY: Well, since all recordings leave a magnetic impression much like a computer hard drive, by the way, if I scan the data then I'll be able to separate out... GIBBS: When? ABBY: You don't have to take the fun out of everything, Gibbs. A few hours. GIBBS: That's a good job, Abby. You have twenty minutes. ABBY: Gibbs! GIBBS: Get McGee to help you! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY KATE: As disturbing as this sounds, I think you may have a point about the sexes, Tony. TONY: It's biology one oh one. KATE: Would you say I'm attractive? TONY: Sure. KATE: Then how come you've never... TONY: I know you. (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY GIBBS: Is something wrong with your arm, Sergeant? CAINE: I got some poison ivy in the field last week, Sir. GIBBS: Is that a fact? CAINE: I didn't murder anyone, Sir. GIBBS: Yeah, well we'll get to that part. How long were you and Sergeant Moore friends? CAINE: Since boot camp, Sir. GIBBS: Perris Island or San Diego. CAINE: San Diego, Sir. GIBBS: Right. A Hollywood Marine. So how long after that did you start screwing his wife? JUDY: (V.O.) I don't understand, Agent Gibbs. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM TWO - DAY JUDY: Why am I in here? GIBBS: Don't you want to know who murdered your husband, Mrs. Moore? JUDY: Yes, but I know it wasn't Roger. He wouldn't. There's no way. GIBBS: Why's that? JUDY: Because...he was with me that morning. GIBBS: By "with me" you mean in the same sleeping bag? CAINE: (V.O.) She actually said that? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY CAINE: No way, Sir. GIBBS: (V.O.) Why would she lie? (ON CAMERA) I mean, besides protecting you, Sergeant. CAINE: She's insane. Look, right after Sergeant Moore went to film the sunrise, I went down to the campground showers. I was gone for about an hour. GIBBS: So she was there when you got back? CAINE: Yes, Sir. She was making breakfast. GIBBS: So what you're saying is she had about an hour to kill him? CAINE: I... I didn't say that. GIBBS: My mistake. You're saying you had about an hour to kill him. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM TWO - DAY JUDY: There's no way Roger would say that. GIBBS: Agent Todd. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY GIBBS: (V.O.) Play back. KATE: I almost feel sorry for these two. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM TWO - DAY GIBBS: (ON TAPE) Why would she lie? CAINE: (ON TAPE) She's insane. GIBBS: (ON TAPE) So what you're saying is she had about an hour to kill him? (ON CAMERA) Let me guess. You thought he loved you. JUDY: When Bill was in Iraq, Roger and I...(CRYING) we grew close. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HALLWAY - DAY (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) TONY: What now, Boss? GIBBS: Put them both in the same room. I'm going to need a refill for this. (DOOR OPENS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY CAINE: We fooled around a few times, Judy. It was a stupid mistake. JUDY: You said you loved me. CAINE: Are you nuts? Bill was my best friend. It should never have happened. JUDY: (V.O.) Then why did you kill him, if it wasn't to be with me? CAINE: (SHOUTS) Stop saying that, you crazy...!! (TO GIBBS) I didn't kill him! She's making it up! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM TWO - DAY JUDY: I'm pregnant, Roger. It's yours. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY TONY: This is better than cable. KATE: The question is, which one's telling the truth? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: Okay, ready to try again, McGee? MCGEE: Play it. MOORE: (ON TAPE) Oh, that's beautiful. (SFX: KEYBOARDING) (SFX: BEEP TONES) MCGEE: Just need to adjust the read heads off track a little more. DAVID: (ON TAPE) Is that you, Roger? (SFX: MOORE SHOUTS) (VIDEO FREEZES ON RUNION) ABBY: Ha! MCGEE: Ha! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: His trailer never left the rest stop. MCGEE: But Runion did. Abby inverted the image and at zero nine hundred you can just make out his shadow underneath the trailer as he's coming back. It's only a four mile round trip on foot. KATE: (INTO PHONE) Thanks, Sheriff. (TO GIBBS) Runion posted bail for the pot charge an hour ago. GIBBS: Let's roll. MCGEE: What about Sergeant Caine and Mrs. Moore? GIBBS: Let them suffer for a while. I think Sergeant Moore would appreciate that. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CAMPGROUND - DAY RUNION: Get back in the truck, you miserable piece of crap.(SFX: DOG BARKS B.G.) (SFX: CAR BRAKES TO A STOP) (ACTION CONTINUES) (SFX: MACHINE GUN FIRE B.G.) GIBBS: (SHOUTS) Put down your weapon, Runion! You're not getting out of here alive! (SFX: GLASS BREAKS) (SFX: RAPID GUNFIRE CONTINUES) RUNION: I ain't going back to prison, Gibbs! You hear me?! TONY: I'd say we're outgunned, Boss. KATE: I'll circle around back. GIBBS: I've got a better idea. (SFX: GIBBS WHISTLES) RUNION: (V.O.) Hey! (DOG JUMPS INTO THE CAR) GIBBS: You might want to cover your ears. (SFX: HUGE PROPANE EXPLOSION) TONY: I think you got him, boss. KATE: Well, what are we going to do with this thing? No way, Gibbs. TONY: I'll take him. I always wanted a dog. (SFX: DOG GROWLS) KATE: Oh, good dog! I think I'll call you Tony. GIBBS: It's a bitch, Kate. KATE: I know. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: Is it just me or do you think Tony likes me? ABBY: I think it's more than obvious Tony likes you. KATE: Not my usual type, but kind of cute. ABBY: More like adorable. Maybe we could share Tony? (SFX: DOG GROWLS/BARKS) ABBY: What's wrong? KATE: Oh, nothing. Good doggie. You can come out now, DiNozzo. TONY: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, I'll just, uh... I'll take care of that. Thank you. (TO KATE) Hey. KATE: Did you bring the dog food? TONY: Yeah, they didn't have any bowls. KATE: That's okay. We got it covered. ABBY: Got a present for you, Little Tony. KATE: Good idea. Now we can tell the two of them apart. TONY: At least I don't hang out with married, Kate. KATE: Ah will you please tell him that men and women can just be friends? ABBY: Absolutely they can. TONY: Without having s*x? ABBY: Oh, no. They'll have s*x. KATE: Abby! ABBY: What, Kate? You never slept with a friend? KATE: What is wrong with you people? GIBBS: Good question, Kate. What did you do to the dog? KATE: Just taking care of her. Unless you want to. ABBY: Here you go, girl. KATE: Wow! She even eats like you, Tony. TONY: Did anybody see my ball cap? KATE AND ABBY: (IN UNISON) No. TONY: I could have sworn I left it right on my desk. (MUSIC OUT)

A Marine falls off a cliff, and his camera records him falling to his death. The prime suspects are his wife and his best friend with whom he was staying in the camp. Gibbs finds out they had an affair behind a dead man's back and he tries to persuade them to blame each other. In the meantime, Abby with McGee's help reconstructs the damaged film footage on the camera and reveals a previously dismissed suspect to have been in the vicinity at the time of the death.