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fd_FRIENDS_05x03

fd_FRIENDS_05x03_0

[Scene: The Hospital, Phoebe is arriving with Ross, Joey, and Rachel in tow.] Phoebe: (to the nurse) Hi. Nurse: Hi. Phoebe: Hi, yeah, hi! I'm umm, Phoebe Buffay, and I have babies coming out of me. Nurse: Okay. Have you started having contractions? Phoebe: Not yet. Umm, I heard they really hurt, do they hurt? Nurse: Well... Phoebe: Oh my God! Ross: It's all right. Nurse: Now, which of you is the father? (Points to Joey and Ross) Phoebe: Oh no, none of them are the father. The father is my brother. Nurse: (not sure what to do with that) Okay... Rachel: I am so gonna miss watching you freak people out like that! Joey: Okay, uh Pheebs, quick. Look! This (His video camera) is for the babies to look at someday, so is-is there anything you want to say? Y'know before it all starts? Phoebe: Oh, okay, umm, hi kids! Um, it's me, Aunt Phoebe. I can't wait to see you. Please don't hurt me! (Monica and Chandler come running in.) Ross: Hey, what took you guys so long? Your cab left when ours did! (There's a pause as they figure out what to say.) Monica: Well, we-we had to go back because I forget my jacket. Chandler: That's right. (Both Rachel and Ross stare at her for a moment.) Rachel: You-you're not wearing a jacket. Monica: Oh man! I did it again! Phoebe: (standing up) Okay, so umm, somebody has to call Frank and Alice. (As she is talking Joey is sticking the camera under her skirt.) And then my mom wants to know-(notices Joey)-Joey, what are you doing?! Joey: I gotta get the before shot! (She shakes her head no.) Opening Credits [Scene: The delivery room, Rachel and Ross are entering.] Rachel: Hi, Pheebs? Okay, so just spoke to the nurse and the reason that your doctor is late is because uh, she's not coming. Phoebe: What?! Ross: Apparently she fell in the shower and hit her head. Phoebe: Oh my God, she's so stupid! Ross: Look, Pheebs-Pheebs, it's gonna be okay. Phoebe: That's easy for you to say, I don't see three kids coming out your v*g1n*! Rachel: Honey, listen, y'know what? The nurse said the doctor is wonderful. Ross: Yeah, he's head of the department. Phoebe: All right--Ooh! Oh dead God, save me! Monica: What? Phoebe: I'm having my first contraction! Chandler: Oh no. Phoebe: Ooh, it's not bad. Chandler: Okay. Joey: Oh! (In an announcer type voice) And so the miracle of life begins, and aaiiyyyeeee! (He grabs his side and doubles over in pain.) Chandler: Hey! You okay? Joey: Ooh, something hurts! Phoebe: Ooh, it's sympathy pains. Ohh, that's so sweet! Joey: Are they? I didn't know I cared that much. (The doctor, Dr. Harad, enters.) Ross: Hello. Dr. Harad: Hi! Phoebe, I'm Dr. Harad, I'm going to be delivering your babies. I want you to know, you're gonna be in good hands. I've been doing this for a long time. I'll be back in a minute to do your internal, in the meantime, just relax because everything here looks great. And also, I love Fonzie. (Exits) Chandler: Did he just say, he loves Fonzie? Monica: That's what it sounded like. Chandler: All right... Frank: (entering) Hey! All: Hey! Frank: (To Phoebe) Hey! Am I late? Am I late? Nobody came out yet, right? Phoebe: No-no-no! We haven't started yet. Where's Alice? Frank: Uh, Delaware. She's on her way though, so until she gets here, I'm gonna be your coach. But don't worry, she told me all about the la-Mazada stuff. Chandler: Yeah, that's when if you get the babies out by the end of the month, they give you 2% financing. Frank: Yeah. [Scene: The waiting room, Monica and Joey are sitting there.] Rachel: (entering) Monica? You gonna be very proud of me. I just got us dates with two unbelievably cute nurses. Joey: Oh my! Rachel: They're male nurses. Joey: Not in my head. Rachel: Anyway, they want to take us out Saturday night! What do you say? Monica: Umm. (Looks at Chandler who is using the phone.) Umm. Umm. I don't think so. Rachel: What? What are you talking about?! You-you're the one who's been telling me to get over Ross and move on. I'm moving on, and you're moving on with me. Come on, give me one good reason why you don't wanna go. Monica: Umm, why don't you give me something that would be a good reason and-and then I'll tell you if it's true. Rachel: What? Monica: Harder than it sounds. Isn't it? Rachel: Okay, you're coming with me, and I also told them that if we're still here when they get off that we'll go down to the cafeteria and have some Jell-O with them. Joey: (in a sexy voice) Yep! There's always room for Jell-O... Rachel: Joey, how do you make that dirty? Joey: Oh, it's easy. Yeah, I-I can do it with anything. Watch uh, (snaps his fingers and in a sexy voice) Grandma's chicken salad... [Scene: The delivery room, Chandler, Frank, and Ross are with Phoebe.] Joey: (entering) Ross! Get a shot of this. (He's carrying an issue of the USA Today and hands Ross the camera.) Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies... (Throws the paper away to reveal a copy of Playpen, which is the TV version of Playboy Magazine.) Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff. (Joey opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera in it.) Phoebe: Oh, okay, I'm having another one! This one doesn't hurt either--Ooh, yes it does! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! (Checks under the blanket.) Oh, I was kinda hoping that was it. Ross: Hey, where are Monica and Rachel anyway? Joey: Oh, a couple of nurses asked them out. Maybe they're with them. Chandler: Really? Male nurses? Joey: Yeah, I was bummed too. Chandler: So they're going on dates? When? Joey: I think Saturday--(groans in pain again). Frank: (To Phoebe) What's with him? Phoebe: Umm, sympathy pains. I thought it was really sweet at first, but now I think he's just trying to steal my thunder. Dr. Harad: (entering) Okay! Phoebe: Hey. Dr. Harad: Let's see what we got here. Ohh, y'know, Fonzie dated triplets. Chandler: This-this Fonzie person you keep referring too, is that uh, is that another doctor? Dr. Harad: Oh no-no-no. Fonzie is the nickname of Arthur Fonzerelli. The Fonz. Chandler: All right. (Dr. Harad exits.) Frank: It's not that weird, is it? Phoebe: It's very weird! I don't want some guy down there telling me, I'm y'know, dilatedamundo! Ross: To be fair, he doesn't seem to be impersonating Fonzie... Phoebe: (interrupting) What are you doing?!! Why are you defending him?! Just get me another doctor! One who is not crazy and who is not Fonzie! Ross: Again, it's not that he... (Phoebe fakes pain to get Ross looking for another doctor.) [Scene: The waiting room, Chandler is looking for Monica.] Chandler: (spotting her) Oh-hey-hey-hey! There you are! Monica: Umm, listen there's something I think you should know. Chandler: Oh, is this about you-you dating the nurse? Yeah, Joey already told me, and I am so-so fine. I mean, you and I we're just, y'know, we're nothing, we're goofin' around. Monica: Umm, actually I was about to tell you that I was, I was going to get out of it, but hey, if we're just goofing around then uh, maybe I will go out with him. Chandler: Fine! Maybe I will too! Joey: (entering from the elevator caring gifts for the kids) Hey, you guys! Look what I found in the giiiiiiift shop. (He doubles over in pain in front an old man in a wheel chair.) Get up! Get up! Get up! (The old man waves him away.) [Scene: The delivery room, Ross has returned with another doctor. This one, is well, younger.] Ross: Okay, Phoebe, this Dr. Oberman. He has no strong feelings about Fonzie or any of the Happy Days gang. Phoebe: Hi! And you're going into what grade? Dr. Oberman: Umm, I'm actually a first year resident, but I get that a lot, you see, I-I graduated early... Phoebe: (interrupting) Uh-huh, me too. Ross, maybe I should've specified that I'd be needing a grown up doctor. Dr. Oberman: Oh no, I'm fully qualified to... Phoebe: Shh! Doogie, shh! Doesn't anybody understand that I'm gonna be having babies soon? Huh? Go! Go little boy, go! (He runs out and Frank watches him go.) Frank: Oh cool! You made him cry! [Scene: Another hospital room, Joey has now been admitted and his doctor is about to break the bad news to him, Monica, and Chandler.] Joey's Doctor: Mr. Tribbiani, I'm afraid you've got kidney stones. Joey: Umm, well, what else could it be? Joey's Doctor: It's kidney stones. Joey: Or? Joey's Doctor: Kidney stones! [Scene: The delivery room, Dr. Harad is back and checking on Phoebe.] Dr. Harad: All right, you're getting there. Oh, and y'know, these babies are very, very lucky. Phoebe: They are. Why? Dr. Harad: They have the honor of being born on The Fonz's half-birthday. Phoebe: Happy birthday! Dr. Harad: Just-just to clarify, I'm not Fonzie. (Phoebe nods in agreement as he leaves.) Rachel: Honey, y'know I just gotta tell you, I think this is such a terrific thing you're having these babies for Frank and Alice. Phoebe: I know, it is. Rachel: Yeah! Phoebe: Can I tell you a little secret? Rachel: Yeah! Phoebe: I want to keep one. (Giggles in excitement.) Rachel: Ohh, I'm gonna be on the news! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The delivery room, continued from earlier.] Rachel: Okay, Phoebe, honey, you gotta be kidding. I mean, you know you cannot keep one of these babies! Phoebe: Why not?! Maybe I can, you don't know! Rachel: Yes! Yes! Yes, I do! I do know! Frank and Alice are gonna want to keep all of their children! Phoebe: Maybe not! Y'know? Seriously, three babies are a handful maybe they're y'know, looking for a chance to unload one of them. Listen, I-I hate to miss an opportunity just because I didn't ask! Y'know? Rachel: Phoebe, no! This is, this is insane. Phoebe: Oh, just ask him! Rachel: Me?! Phoebe: I can't ask him! Do you have any idea how inappropriate that would be?! All I'm saying is just talk to Frank. Okay? Just, y'know, feel him out! Rachel: No! Forget it! I am not gonna ask Frank to give you one of his kids!! Phoebe: You're right. (There's an awkward silence then suddenly Phoebe gets an idea.) Phoebe: Tell him it's for you. [Scene: Joey's room, his doctor, Chandler, and Monica are there.] Monica: Feeling a little better sweetie? Joey: Well, maybe a little. I wish you hadn't seen me throw up. Monica: Me too. Ross: (entering) Hey! I just heard. What's up? Joey's Doctor: Kidney stones! Now, ordinarily Mr. Tribbiani, we try to break up the stones up with shock waves, but they're to close to the bladder now. Which means we can either wait for you to pass them or else go up the urethra... Joey: (interrupting) Whoa-whoa! No-no-no-no-no, nothing is going up! Okay? Up, up is not an option--what's a urethra? (Monica whispers what it is in his ear.) Are you crazy?! [Scene: The delivery room, Rachel and Frank are there.] Phoebe: (To Rachel) So did you ask him? Rachel: No, I haven't had a chance to be alone with him yet. Phoebe: Well, I'm kinda on a clock here. Dr. Harad: (laughing) Oh Fonzie. Rachel: Y'know who I always liked? Mork. (Dr. Harad drops what he's doing and stares at her.) Phoebe: Undo it. Undo it. Undo it. Dr. Harad: Fonzie met Mork. Mork froze Fonzie. Rachel: Yeah, but umm... Yes, but, Fonzie was already cool, so he wasn't hurt, right? Dr. Harad: Yeah, that's right. Monica: (entering with Chandler) Hey! Phoebe: Hi! Monica: (To Phoebe) How are you doing? Phoebe: Okay, doctor says any minute now. Frank: Hey, y'know, Alice is gonna be here so soon, you couldn't just like do me a favor and like, like hold them in? Phoebe: Sorry Frank, I'm kinda in the middle of the last favor you asked me to do. (A male nurse enters.) Male Nurse: Hey! Rachel: Hi! Male Nurse: Rachel. Rachel: Monica, this is Dan (points to him), one of the guys that we're gonna be going out with on Saturday. (Mouths "He's yours." to her.) Uh Dan, Monica. Dan: Nice to meet you. Monica: Hello Dan! I'm really looking forward to Saturday night! Really, really! Chandler: So Dan, nurse not a doctor huh? Kinda girlie isn't it? Monica: Chandler! Dan: Nah that's okay. I'm just doing this to put myself through medical school. Chandler: Oh. Dan: And it didn't feel so girlie during the Gulf War. Chandler: Sure. (Pause) And listen, thanks for doing that for us, by the way. (Retreats in defeat.) Monica: So, why wait 'til Saturday, are you free tomorrow? Dan: Sure! I'll get somebody to cover my shift. Monica: Oh, great! Chandler: (to another female nurse) Hey, how 'bout it? You, me, Saturday night? Delivery Room Nurse: No. Chandler: All right. Very good. Phoebe: Oo, this is a big one. Eww! Arghhhh!! [Cut to Joey's room, who's going throw his own contractions. Plus, he has Ross in a headlock.] Joey: Ohh, get these things out of me! Ross: Breathe! Breathe! Breathe throw the pain. (Joey starts breathing hard) Joey: I want the drugs Ross, I want the drugs! (He starts rocking back and forth, taking Ross with him.) Ross: I do too! I do too! Joey: Argh! Ross: Argh! Joey: Argh! Ross: Argh! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The waiting room, Frank is on the phone as Rachel approaches.] Frank: Yeah, I love you. Okay, bye! (To Rachel) Hi! Rachel: Hi! Frank: That was Alice's mom, she said she left five hours ago. She should be here by now! Rachel: Oh, honey, don't worry. She's gonna make it on time. Frank: Yeah. Rachel: Yeah. So Frank, three babies. Whew, that just seems like a lot, huh? Frank: (laughs) Not to me. Rachel: Yeah, fair enough. [Scene: The delivery room, later on, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, and Frank are there as Dr. Harad is checking out Phoebe.] Dr. Harad: Okay, you're at ten centimeters. Time to start having some babies. All right, I want only the father in here please. (They all kiss her and wish her luck.) Monica: Bye Dan! Dan: Uh, bye Monica. Chandler: Bye, momi-moo. (Everyone except Frank leaves.) Dr. Harad: All right, I need a clamp, sterile towel, and channel 31. Phoebe: What is that? (Dan turns on the TV and the Happy Days theme song comes on.) Phoebe: Oh my God! Dr. Harad: Oh, no-no-no, it's a good one! Fonzie plays the bongos. All right, are you ready? It's time to start pushing. [Cut to Joey's room, his doctor and Ross are there.] Joey's Doctor: Are you ready? It's time to try peeing. (Joey makes a face like he is trying to pee.) Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! It's almost time to try peeing. (Points at the bottle Joey is to pee into.) [Cut to the delivery room.] Dr. Harad: Okay, now push! That's it push! Just concentrate on pushing! Yeah, here we go! Dan: I see the head. Frank: Yes, it has a head! Dr. Harad: All right. Keep pushing! Come on! Frank: I can't believe there's somebody coming out of you right now. There's somebody coming out of you! Is it? Is it? It's my son. Dr. Harad: All right. Here's your first baby. [Cut to the waiting room, a triumphant Frank rushes in.] Frank: YESSSSS!!!!! We got a baby boy!! Chandler: Yes! Frank: Frank Jr. Jr.!! Rachel: Oh, how does he look? How does he look? Frank: So gross! (He runs back to the delivery room.) [Cut to the delivery room, Phoebe is about to give birth to the middle kid.] Dr. Harad: Okay. You ready to push again? Phoebe: I already had a baby. Leave me alone. Frank: Okay, okay, come on, you can do it. You can do it! (Phoebe screams in pain, and Frank screams with her.) [Cut to the waiting room, a twice triumphant Frank returns.] Frank: Yeah!! Little Leslie is here! We got another one! Oh my God, I can't believe I have two-two children. How scary is that? (He returns to the delivery room.) [Cut to the delivery room, Phoebe is at it for the last time.] Frank: Come on little Chandler, it's time to be born. Come on little Chandler! Come on! Dr. Harad: All right, he's coming. He's coming! (They both stare at the newborn.) Frank: Hey, where's his thing? [Cut to the waiting room, a thrice triumphant Frank returns again.] Frank: Chandler's a girl! Chandler: Oh God, kindergarten flashback. Frank: They musta read the sonogram wrong. 'Cause they, 'cause they thought it was a boy, but Chandler's a girl! Chandler's a girl! Chandler: Okay, keep saying it! Alice: (running in from the elevator) Am I too late?! Frank: No-no ah, everything's okay. Everybody's healthy there's 30 fingers and 30 toes. Alice: We have our babies? Frank: Yeah. Alice: (Starting to cry) Oh, we have our babies. (They hug. And quickly that hug turns into a heated make out session, right there on the waiting room couch. Chandler, Rachel, and Monica quickly make their exits.) [Scene: Joey's room, he is recovering from his birth.] Joey: Oh my God. Ross: You did it, man. Joey's Doctor: Would you like to see them? (He hands Joey a little jar.) Joey: They're so small! (Both he and Ross look at them with satisfied looks on their faces.) [Scene: A hallway, Monica and Dan are talking.] Dan: So, I'll call you tomorrow. Monica: Great! (Dan leaves as Chandler enters.) Chandler: So, are you really gonna go out with that nurse man? Monica: Well uh, you and I are just goofing around, I thought, why not goof around with him. Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary... Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing s*x and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am so bad at this. Monica: I think you're better than you think you are. Chandler: Really? Okay, so... Monica: (interrupting) Know when to stop. Chandler: Y'know, I sensed that I should stop. So we're okay? Monica: Yeah. All right, I'm gonna go tell Dan that it's not gonna happen. (They kiss and as she starts to leave, Chandler starts to dance. Without turning around.) Don't do the dance. Chandler: Right! [Scene: The delivery room, everyone except Rachel is there. Phoebe, Monica, and Ross are holding the babies.] Monica: I think you're my favorite. Phoebe: Which one do you have? Monica: I don't care. Rachel: (entering) Hi. (To Phoebe) Hey, hi! So uh, Frank and Alice wanted me to tell you that they're still outside making phone calls. Phoebe: But umm, I mean, did you talk to them about, y'know... Rachel: Yeah, umm, no honey. Phoebe: Oh. It was a long shot. Hey, you guys can I just like have a second alone with the babies. All: Yeah, sure yeah. Yeah. (They hand her the babies and leave them alone.) Phoebe: So, here you are. It seems like yesterday I was talking to you in that little petri dish. Everyone said labor was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but they were wrong this is. Oh, I had the most fun with you guys! I wish I could take you home and see you everyday. Okay, I'll settle for being your favorite Aunt. I know Alice's sister has a pool, but you lived in me. Okay, so we're cool. Yeah, we're gonna be great. Little high fives! (Imitates the high fives.) Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! (One of the babies begins to cry.) Well, if you're gonna cry. (She starts crying.) Ending Credits [Scene: The delivery room, everyone is hanging out with Phoebe. Frank, Alice, and the kids aren't there.] Monica: Phoebe, we are so proud of you! You're amazing! Phoebe: I know. Rachel: So does it really hurt as bad as they say? Phoebe: Yeah. You won't be able to take it. Chandler: So uh, now that little Chandler turned out to be a girl, what are they gonna name her? Phoebe: They're gonna call her Chandler. Chandler: That's kind of a masculine name, don't you think? Phoebe: Works on you.

Feeling guilty over Phoebe missing out on London, the gang plan a weekend trip to Atlantic City, but just as they are about to leave, Phoebe's water breaks and they head to the hospital. In an attempt to get over Ross, Rachel asks out two male nurses for her and Monica. This causes friction between Monica and Chandler, with Chandler reacting as if he does not care. In the delivery room, Phoebe frets about her Fonzie-obsessed doctor. Joey, in pain, is diagnosed with kidney stones and admitted to the hospital. After giving birth to Frank and Alice's triplets: Frank Jr. Jr, Leslie, and Chandler, Phoebe has difficulty giving them up.

fd_One_Tree_Hill_01x04

fd_One_Tree_Hill_01x04_0

LUCAS: Mom! [LUCAS' HOUSE. KAREN is working at the table. LUCAS walks into the room, whering a robe and a towel around his neck, shampoo still in his hair] LUCAS: Mom, did you forget to pay the water bill? KAREN: No, of course I paid the water bill. [She sees LUCAS and walks over to the sink and tries the water there. It doesn't work] See? This is what we need the emergency Visa for. Something must've broken. I'll take care of it. Come on, lets get you rinsed. [LUCAS leans over the sink and KAREN pours a water jug over his head. She laughs] LUCAS: How is this funny, Mom? KAREN: How is this not funny? [THE SCOTT'S HOUSE. DAN and NATHAN walk into the kitchen to find a WOMAN preparing a salad] WOMAN: Hey. Check it out. It's called 'dinner.' DAN: Who is that lady? Is that my wife? [NATHAN looks pleasantly surprised] DAN: I didn't think you were getting back until Monday. WOMAN: I wasn't. Until I sweet talked Ziodex into doubling their 'Gift to AIDS' research. It took me all of one meeting. DAN: Wow, I'm impressed. You sure you don't want to quit saving the world and come sell cars with me? DEB: Mmm, thanks, but I like the Frequent Flyer miles. [DEB walks over to NATHAN and gives him a hug] DEB: Hey. How's my boy? NATHAN: I have warm-ups, Mom. DEB: Oh, come on, sit. Dinner's almost ready and I haven't seen you from weeks. NATHAN: I can't. I got to go. Don't wait up. DAN: Nathan. Remember what I told you. He can't shoot if he doesn't have the ball. [THE GYM. The RAVENS are all gathered around WHITEY and the cheerleaders are chanting] WHITEY: Damnit, this is a team, not a Chinese fire grill. Scott, you're plain selfish. Get out there and pretend you know each other. TIM: Ravens on three. One! Two! Three! TEAM: Ravens! WHITEY: Lets go, lets go, lets go! [THE GYM. PEYTON and BROOKE are supposed to be cheering off to the side] BROOKE: Hey, can I catch a ride with you to Nathan's party later. PEYTON: I didn't think you were going. I figured you'd be hiding out in Lucas' back seat again. BROOKE: Jealous. PEYTON: No. BROOKE: What? I could see it. You're both so broody. You could brood together. [THE GYM. The game's going on. As they play, the announcer's announcing] ANNOUNCER: Now the Ravens in bound with the ball. Looks like they're trying to isolate Nathan Scott on the baseline. The Masenberg defense tightens on him. Scott battles through, still working hard to get open down there. Now Tim Smith, with the ball, working over on the wing. He's dribbling, looking for Nathan underneath, but he's not there. And now- Oh! Oh! A cross court pass putting Lucas Scott over the basket. [KAREN'S in the audience. She's grinning. DAN, on the other hand, is not] ANNOUNCER: So much for the putty grip on that one as the Ravens fall back on the bench. NATHAN: [Screaming at TIM] What was that? ANNOUNCER: And I tell you what, Lucas Scott is really starting to gel with this team. [THE GYM. The game's over, and most of the people have already filtered out. NATHAN and TIM are walking across the gym, and NATHAN'S angry] TIM: He had a better angle. I'm sorry. Nathan, come on, Man. I'm just trying to win. [THE GYM. KAREN'S standing with LUCAS] KAREN: So are you excited? LUCAS: What? That we won? KAREN: No, because there's running water in the locker room. We're gonna be roughing it until tomorrow. [LUCAS laughs] LUCAS: It's okay... [THE GYM. NATHAN walks up to DAN] NATHAN: What's up, Dad? [DAN looks at him then walks away. DEB walks up to NATHAN] DEB: Nice game, sweetie. [NATHAN looks toward the direction in which DAN walked away] NATHAN: Try telling that to Dad. [As NATHAN walks over to LUCAS, he hears a woman say to her son "I'm proud of you. I'll see you later"] NATHAN: Two decent games in a row, man. Getting better or just lucky? [Pause] Team's got a party tonight. My parents' beach house. LUCAS: Why are you tell me that? NATHAN: Because I said the team, didn't I? [Pause] Look, it's kind of the off season. Might as well deal with it. [THEME SONG PLAYS] [A STREET AT NIGHT. LUCAS is driving the Body Shop truck and HALEY'S sitting in the passenger street] HALEY: The guys kidnapped you, trashed your court, threatened you with bodily harm. Party, yeah. Sure, why not? LUCAS: Okay, listen, I know it's all a setup, alright? But I'm not gonna let him screw with me. Whatever he dishes out he's going to get back double. HALEY: Do you think maybe- I mean, just maybe- he's had a change of heart? LUCAS: Hmm. That requires a heart. [THE STREET IN FRONT OF NATHAN'S PARENTS' BEACH HOUSE. PEYTON pulls to a stop. BROOKE'S in the passenger seat] BROOKE: Every time I ride with you, I swear I'm never going to do it again. [PEYTON gets out of the car, and BROOKE follows] BROOKE: Keys? PEYTON: Tempt fate. [TIM walks up to PEYTON] TIM: Peyton. You've got to talk to him. Lucas had the better shot. You saw it, right? BROOKE: Tim? Are you being pathetic? [TIM rolls his eyes and turns around just as LUCAS' truck pulls to a stop] TIM: What's he doing here? [NATHAN walks over] NATHAN: I invited him. I mean, since you guys are such great friends now. PEYTON: What are you trying to pull? NATHAN: Nothing. [LUCAS and HALEY get out of the truck and walk over] NATHAN: I wasn't sure you'd come. LUCAS: That makes two of us. NATHAN: [To HALEY] Hi. I'm Nathan Scott. [He holds out his hand and HALEY shakes it] HALEY: Um, yeah, I know, I'm Haley. [NATHAN walks inside with LUCAS and HALEY, passing PEYTON on the way. She looks suspicious] [INSIDE THE BEACH HOUSE. NATHAN, PEYTON, BROOKE, and TIM walk into a room] BROOKE: Tonight's gonna be great. [TIM smiles and the four walk past the camera, right as LUCAS enters. He's looking around. HALEY whistles] HALEY: Well. I bet their plumbing works. [LUCAS laughs] HALEY: I'm just saying... LUCAS: Alright, thanks. HALEY: Yeah. [BROOKE walks up to TIM, PEYTON, and NATHAN, and another guy and girl who are standing elsewhere in the room. BROOKE'S holding a newspaper] BROOKE: Have you guy's seen this? GIRL: Uh-uh. BROOKE: The High School Fearleader. It's a comic strip. [Pause] Wait, this is insulting, right? GUY: My dog can draw better than this. BROOKE: Really, what guy keeps his hat on during s*x? [NATHAN looks at PEYTON] BROOKE: Who is this socky person anyway? NATHAN: [Still looking at PEYTON] Yeah, I wonder. PEYTON: It's just a stupid comic strip. Who cares, right? BROOKE: It's more like sucky. Whoever it is doesn't know the first thing about it. It's like so... LUCAS: Shallow? [PEYTON looks at LUCAS] PEYTON: Where's the keg? [NATHAN'S ROOM. As DAN passes the door, he noticed DEB is in there. He steps in] DAN: You okay? DEB: He used to ask before he put stuff up. Now... I don't even know what he's interested in. [Pause] Besides basketball. DAN: Basketball. Yeah, seems like it changes from day to day. DEB: Mmm. [Pause] He talks to you, Dan. How's he been doing? DAN: Well, he's holding up considering Whitey's moved him out of his position, but it's probably temporary. DEB: I asked you how he is, not how he's playing. It must be confusing for him with Lucas on the team now. [Pause] Were we going to talk about that? DAN: I think that's probably temporary too. DEB: You think or you wish? [Pause] Um I, I saw Karen at the game tonight, but then... I've never really spoken to her. DAN: I know this is hard on you, Deb. DEB: No, not really. I think it's harder for you and Nathan. [BEACH HOUSE PARTY. LUCAS and HALEY are walking] HALEY: So, I know you're like, having the time of your life, but can we please make like a tree and get out of here? LUCAS: We just got here. HALEY: Whatever. You let me know when you've proved your point. I'm going to go to one of the eighteen bathrooms in this place. LUCAS: Gonna be back in five? HALEY: Yeah. LUCAS: Alright [HALEY leaves] RANDOM GUY: Hey, good game, man. LUCAS: Hey, thanks. [LUCAS walks into the dining room, where BROOKE, NATHAN, PEYTON and a few others are playing a game] BROOKE: Lucas. Come play. LUCAS: What's the game? BROOKE: I never... GUY: And yet apparently you have. BROOKE: Shut up, Vegas. NATHAN: Alright. So the game is, we all take turns saying things that we've never done, and anybody at the table who has...bam! [NATHAN holds out a cup] LUCAS: Drinks. [NATHAN nods] LUCAS: Yeah. [LUCAS takes the cup from NATHAN and takes a sip] NATHAN: Alright, Theresa, you're up. THERESA: Okay. Lets see. I've never... had s*x with anything made out of plastic. [BROOKE takes a sip and everyone laughs] BROOKE: Okay, my turn. I've never... no I did that, um... [BROOKE laughs] NATHAN: Alright. My turn. Oh, lets see. Um... I've never... I've never had a dad who wished I was a stain on the bed sheets. [PEOPLE laugh, somewhat uncomfortably. PEYTON looks at LUCAS. LUCAS glares at NATHAN, then walks over to NATHAN. He places his cup in front of him] LUCAS: Then you're welcome to mine. [NATHAN laughs. BROOKE and PEYTON look after LUCAS, worried] [A BATHROOM door. PEYTON goes to open it] VOICE: Hang on a minute. [PEYTON lets go and a toilet flushes. HALEY comes out] HALEY: Sorry. [She starts to walk by PEYTON[ PEYTON: How's the tutoring going? [HALEY stops] PEYTON: You're tutoring Nathan, right? [Pause] It's okay. He tells me everything. HALEY: Yeah. You know, he um... said he needed some help. PEYTON: Maybe you could teach him to stop being such a jackass. HALEY: I will... put that on my lesson plan. PEYTON: Just be careful, okay. HALEY: Yeah... sure. [HALEY starts to walk away] PEYTON: Does Lucas know you're helping Nathan? [HALEY doesn't answer] PEYTON: You know... you say a lot when you keep your mouth shut. HALEY: I'm... okay. PEYTON: I keep mine shut too. [A ROOM full of trophies. HALEY picks up a picture, and LUCAS knocks down another] HALEY: What happened? LUCAS: Oh, same old crap. You know, he thinks that if he keeps hammering me, I'll quit the team. HALEY: Oh. What did he do this time? LUCAS: He made some feeble comment. Not gonna let it get to me. HALEY: Yeah, obviously that's working out for you. [LUCAS laughs] HALEY: Luke... have you guys ever actually talked? LUCAS: Yeah, sure. We trade emails too. HALEY: I'm just saying you're so hypersensitive around each other. And... I get it. I just think that maybe everything he says, you take the wrong way, and vice versa. LUCAS: Okay, there is no misunderstanding what he said. And why are you defending him? HALEY: I'm, I'm just, I'm trying to bring some perspective. I mean...It's a really screwing situation and I'm sure having you around isn't any easier for him than it is for you and I think maybe if you guys could just talk... LUCAS: Okay, tell me that I'm not hearing this. HALEY: Then what are you doing here, Lucas? Obviously, you're looking for something, right? LUCAS: I'm not going to let him win. HALEY: Fine. Don't let him win. I'm gonna go. [HALEY starts to leave] LUCAS: Haley! HALEY: Nope. [As HALEY walks out of the room, she runs into NATHAN] NATHAN: Are you leaving? HALEY: Nathan...we had a deal. You promised you were gonna be nice. NATHAN: I- I am nice. I invited him to this stinking party, didn't I? HALEY: Well, what for? So you could pick on him in public? What did you say anyway? NATHAN: Oh, man. Is that what- I made a lame joke. I mean, look, the guys... sometimes we get kind of raw with each other. I was just trying to include him. He took it the wrong way. HALEY: Well, maybe you need to rethink your approach. NATHAN: Well, you're his friend. How do I handle this? HALEY: It's easy, stop being such a... [Whispered] joke. [THE PORCH OF THE BEACH HOUSE. LUCAS walks outside and PEYTON'S sitting on a swinging chair] PEYTON: He really slammed you. LUCAS: I don't care what he thinks. PEYTON: Neither do I. LUCAS: Oh yeah? Then why are you drinking? [PEYTON takes another sip] [THE DOOR TO THE PORCH. NATHAN walks by and sees LUCAS with PEYTON. He sees Tim at the video cabinet] TIM: Nathan! I can't believe your parents don't have any decent p0rn. NATHAN: Wait. I've got something. [He joins TIM at the video cabinet and hands TIM a movie] NATHAN: Put that in. GUY: What is it? NATHAN: It's a comedy. [THE PORCH. LUCAS is kneeling across from PEYTON, talking to her] LUCAS: So I'm confused. You want to be anonymous...and you let the world watch you on a web cam. PEYTON: The world isn't watching me... but I guess you are. LUCAS: Okay, the point is... you want to express yourself but you don't want people to know it's you. PEYTON: I guess I'm just a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside a @#%$. LUCAS: Or maybe just a tortured artist. PEYTON: Look, I don't need you defending me and my work. I don't need you analyzing it or interpreting me either. And in fact, I'm pretty sure I don't need you at all. LUCAS: Pretty sure? [LUCAS freezes as he hears his mother's name inside] [TELEVISION. There's video tape playing, showing KAREN and DAN as Prom King and Queen] WOMAN: Tree Hill High's Snowball Court King and Queen, Daniel Scott and Karen Roe. Karen, what's the secret to your success? [LUCAS and PEYTON walk in. LUCAS is upset] KAREN: Um, the secret to our success. Hmm. I don't know. Good question. Dan? DAN: Good s*x! [The audience laughs] KAREN: Be serious. WOMAN: Karen, do you think you guys will get married? KAREN: DO I think Dan and I will get married? Hmm... who knows. I mean... BROOKE: Oh my god, the hair! KAREN: But he really is the sweetest guy in the whole world. So I'm thinking, yes. Come visit us in 10 years and I bet you can meet the kids and get a tour of our big house and see how happy we are. TIM: Who's the girl? WOMAN: Okay ladies and gentleman, there's your Prom King and Queen, Dan Scott and Karen Roe. LUCAS: That's my mom. NATHAN: At least their dreams came true for one of them, right? LUCAS: Yeah, except for the happy part, right? [LUCAS slams NATHAN against a wall as he walks by. NATHAN and his friends laugh, but BROOKE and PEYTON don't] [SCENE_BREAK] [THE PIER BY THE WATER AT THE BEACH HOUSE. HALEY'S sitting on the railing when NATHAN comes up] NATHAN: I thought you left. HALEY: Yeah, uh, I tried to. If the stupid cab would ever get here. NATHAN: Well, I'm glad you stayed. [Pause] I want to thank you for holding back? HALEY: What do you mean? NATHAN: Jerk is pretty tame. You could've called me a lot worse. I probably deserved it. HALEY: Look, I've been thinking a lot about this tutoring thing. [Pause] I'm sorry. I don't, I just don't think it's a good idea. NATHAN: Because of Lucas? HALEY: Well, obviously, yeah. I don't know what I was thinking. There's no good that can possibly come of this. NATHAN: Really? I thought I saw you guys fight back there. HALEY: Meaning what, that I should keep tutoring you to stick it to him? Maybe that's how they do things in Nathan land, but I'm not going to do that to my best friend. NATHAN: Maybe you're doing me a favor then. HALEY: What does that mean? NATHAN: Sometimes I think it would be easier if I got kicked off the team. Especially with my dad. HALEY: I should go find, um, Lucas, and just, just try and smooth things over. NATHAN: He left a while ago. [HALEY nods] HALEY: Great. Well, I guess I'm walking. [THE STREET BY THE FRONT OF THE BEACH HOUSE. NATHAN and HALEY emerge next to the stairs] NATHAN: Let me give you a ride. HALEY: It's not that far. NATHAN: Forget it, you're not going to walk. We'll take Peyton's car. HALEY: I- I'm really fine. NATHAN: You're a little high on yourself, aren't you? Going around telling people you're all fine. Look, please, at least take the ride. It's the least I can do. [HALEY gets in the car and NATHAN shuts the door] [THE SCOTT'S HOUSE. DAN is in the living room, watching a game. DEB comes in] DEB: Dan. We should talk. [DEB grabs the remote and turns the TV off] DEB: You know, I try to let these things roll off my back. You shut down and walk out mid-conversation. I swallow it and let it churn around in my stomach until it makes me sick. DAN: What? Because I don't want to rehash Karen and her son for the ten-thousandth time? Frankly, I'm talked out. DEB: It's about Nathan. DAN: What about him? DEB: He's just so surly and distant lately and I fell powerless to do anything about it. And the way you're pressuring him since Lucas joined the team seems to make it worse. DAN: Me? Did you ever stop to think the problem was you? DEB: Oh. DAN: Maybe if you cared to spend more time at home DEB: I'm gone ten days out of the month, tops. DAN: And when you are here, you work 'til all hours. DEB: And you want to know why, Dan? Let me tell you. Because ever since you started this basketball thing, I feel like you've slowly been stealing him from me. You've made me feel irrelevant. I go out and I raise money for good causes and I matter out there. But at home you shut me out of his life. DAN: Shut you out? Work has always come first with you? DEB: That is not fair. You know how hard I've tried to balance both. But, I swear to God, I never would've done it if I knew how he'd turn out. DAN: He's a good kid. DEB: Based on what? His scoring average? DAN: Deb, I just want what's best for our son, what makes him happy. DEB: Well, then, something's not working, Dan. Because that kid I saw tonight is anything but happy. [DEB leaves] [BEACH HOUSE PARTY. BROOKE stumbles down the stairs drunk] BROOKE: Don't let me have another beer unless I beg you. The same goes for beers. [Pause] What are you doing? PEYTON: Just wondering if we're all going to end up like Karen. BROOKE: Who is Karen? PEYTON: That's Lucas' mom BROOKE: Not without proper birth control we won't. PEYTON: That's not what I meant. She was our age when that tape was made, Brooke. We're just like her. Don't you think it was awful how she just let Nathan's dad treat her like crap? BROOKE: Yeah. But honey, that doesn't mean we're like her. Maybe it mean's you're like her. [IN FRONT OF HALEY'S HOUSE. HALEY and NATHAN are still in PEYTON'S car. HALEY has taken the hat she was wearing earlier off] HALEY: Yeah, this is my house. Um, we're staying here while we renovate the mansion NATHAN: It's not like I was trying to show off. HALEY: Isn't that your default setting. [Pause] Sorry. NATHAN: Can I be honest with you? HALEY: Uh, yeah. I don't know. You tell me. NATHAN: What I said at the beach... that was a lie. I'm really lucky to have basketball. It's pretty much my shell to everything from here on out. If I lose it, it's over for me. HALEY: So, don't lose it. NATHAN: Well, that's just the thing. With my grades, I'm close to being ineligible to do the one thing that I'm actually good at. It's not just my life, either. It's my dad's, too. It's like he's still got something to prove to Whitey. And if I screw it up, it's gonna destroy him. [Pause] And it will destroy me. Look, I know you have no reason to do this, and I know it's just going to complicate things with Lucas, but [Pause] I really need your help. HALEY: And I will find you someone else. I promise. NATHAN: No. I came to you because you're the best tutor at the school. And you're not going to tear me down. It's not exactly easy having everybody know you're failing. It's you or nobody else. HALEY: I... [Pause] Okay. I will, um... I will get you through the semester. [Pause] And then you've got to be on your own. I'm serious. NATHAN: That's totally fine with me. HALEY: Okay, um... great, so we'll start on Monday. [Pause] Lay off Lucas. [HALEY gets out of the car and NATHAN sighs] [A STREET. Just as LUCAS is pulling to a stop in the Body Shop truck, he sees PEYTON'S car fly by. He follows is. As NATHAN changes the radio station, he crashes into a parked car and ruins PEYTON'S car. LUCAS jumps out of his truck, thinking PEYTON was driving] LUCAS: Peyton! You okay? [NATHAN gets out] NATHAN: Yeah, she's fine. Can't say the same for her car though. [NATHAN pulls a bag out of the car] NATHAN: And what the hell were you doing following my girlfriend? LUCAS: I wasn't. Look, I thought she was driving and she was drinking. [NATHAN starts to leave] LUCAS: Hey, where are you going? NATHAN: Back to the party, dumbass. LUCAS: What, are you gonna leave her car like this? NATHAN: Yeah, and if you stand there you can watch me. LUCAS: You know this is a crime. NATHAN: So call the cops. LUCAS: Nathan, you can't walk away from this. [Pause] I saw you do it. NATHAN: No you didn't see me do it. Because I was with Tim the whole time. Which is exactly what he's going to say if anybody asks him. He owes me. [Pause] So it looks like its your word against ours now. You can guess how that's going to go down. LUCAS: So you're just going to lie and walk away. What about Peyton? You know, your girlfriend? The car's registered in her name. NATHAN: Yeah, and you know what? Come to think of it, like you said, she was really drunk last night. Maybe she did this. But then again, all I see is a wrecked car... and you. [NATHAN walks away, leaving LUCAS with the car] [BODY SHOP. KEITH and LUCAS are looking at PEYTON'S car] KEITH: Hit and run, huh? That's beautiful. I could lose my license for this. LUCAS: I didn't know what else do. He just walked away. KEITH: You wanna tell me what it is with you and this girl? Huh? That you're willing to break the law for her? Nobody is worth that. LUCAS: I couldn't let Nathan get away with it the way he does everything else. And I sure as well could let him do that to her. KEITH: Okay. What about the guys car you hit? Huh? He just gets screwed over? LUCAS: I left him a note. I said I did it. Bring his car here. KEITH: Oh, well, that's just great. Lucas, you know I'm already struggling to bring in paying customers. LUCAS: Look, I'll do the work myself, alright? After hours. And I'll pay for the materials. KEITH: Oh, you're damn right you will. Your mom's going to love this. LUCAS: No. She's got enough to deal with. You don't have to tell her. KEITH: Oh, I'm not going to. You are. And if you don't, then I will. Because you're going to take something away from this. [Pause] Cover the car. I'll give you a ride home. [KEITH walks away and LUCAS goes to cover the car. In the front passenger seat he finds HALEY'S hat] [KAREN'S CAFÉ. KAREN is on the phone with a plumber] KAREN: I want to have a pipe replaced. I don't want to send your kids to college. [Pause] Fine. I'll do it myself. [KAREN hangs up and picks up a "How To" book. The door opens] KAREN: I'm sorry. We're just closing. DEB: I was hoping to get a coffee. To go. [KAREN pours DEB a cup of coffee] KAREN: Anything else? DEB: A biscotti. KAREN: $3.20. [DEB starts to walk away] KAREN: Hey. [DEB turns around] You tell Dan that if he wants to spy on me or threaten me or whatever the hell this is, he can come down and do it himself. DEB: Dan didn't send me. I came on my own. KAREN: So it's a coincidence. DEB: No. I wanted you to know... everything that happened between you and Dan, I don't carry that weight around and I don't care to. Frankly, it looks to me like you've done a wonderful job raising Lucas. I've seen the two of you together, and quite honestly, it makes me a bit jealous. Look. Our two families...it's really awkward. I'm not deluded enough to believe otherwise. I know how it is with you and Dan and our two boys. There's a lot of history there. But it doesn't have to be our history. [NATHAN'S BEACH HOUSE. PEYTON'S watching the prom video when NATHAN gets in. It's at the part where the woman asks Karen if she and Dan will get married] PEYTON: You reinvented cruel tonight. NATHAN: [Defensive] It was a joke! PEYTON: Funny how you're the only one laughing. NATHAN: Like you and your stupid comic strip. [Pause] I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. PEYTON: I'm sorry is getting a little old with you, Nathan. NATHAN: I know. I just can't remember a time when thing's were this bad. PEYTON: Where have you been for the past two hours. NATHAN: I went on a beer run. PEYTON: To where? Canada? Nathan, I wanted to go home. But I can't because it seems my car's missing. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you? NATHAN: Uh... I think Tim took it. PEYTON: You think? NATHAN: Well, he wanted to take Brooke home, so I told him he could take it. I didn't think you'd care. [PEYTON grabs a plastic cup] PEYTON: I never told a ridiculous lie to my girlfriend's face. [She holds the cup out to NATHAN] Drink up. Because Brooke got a ride home with Theresa after you disappeared. Wanna play again? NATHAN: Alright, so then it was some other girl. I don't know. What's the big deal anyway? I knew you were going to stay here. PEYTON: So you gave away my car? NATHAN: Look, whatever. I'm going to bed. Are you coming? PEYTON: Yeah. That's what I'm gonna do. I cannot believe you just asked me that with a straight face. [PEYTON turns around so she doesn't have to look at him] [LUCAS' HOUSE. KAREN'S taking off her coat as LUCAS sits down, having looked at HALEY'S hat again] KAREN: You will not believe the night I had tonight. LUCAS: Yeah, me too. KAREN: What's going on? Well, turns out fixing the water mane is not a big deal. I just have to pick up a pipe at the hardware store in the morning. And then if you help me dig out where the break is I think we can fix this ourselves. LUCAS: So now I'm digging ditches? KAREN: You mind telling me what happened before you destroy what's left of my table? LUCAS: Did you know you could fit this whole house into the living room of their place at the beach? KAREN: No. Why would you even go there? LUCAS: Because I love getting dumped on. KAREN: Well, you don't have to put up with that. You could just walk away. LUCAS: Like you. KAREN: Excuse me? LUCAS: You know, you never told me that you had this whole thing mapped out with Dan. That you even ever talked about marriage before you were pregnant with me. All you ever said was that he found out and took off. KAREN: Wait. Where did you hear this? LUCAS: Those guys... Nathan, Nathan and his @#%$ of a father. They do whatever they want. And they screw everybody else in the process. And yet you and I... we stand by and we let them? You should've made him give us what we were entitled to so that we didn't have to live like this. You should've made him pay. KAREN: Luke... what happened tonight? LUCAS: I learned something, that's all. Everybody has secrets. [Pause] Right Mom? [THE BEACH HOUSE. It's early morning, and PEYTON'S awoken by a knock on the door] PEYTON: [Screaming] Nathan! [He doesn't respond and PEYTON sees TIM at the door. She gets up to answer it] TIM: Hey, what's up? PEYTON: Did you bring my car back? TIM: Your car? Uh, I don't have your car. PEYTON: Nathan said you took my car. [NATHAN walks up behind PEYTON, giving TIM a look] TIM: Oh, um, your car. We, um, we, uh... PEYTON: Nice try. [To NATHAN] Where the hell is my car? [OUTSIDE LUCAS' HOUSE. He's digging. KAREN walks outside] KAREN: You calm enough to talk? LUCAS: Sorry I went off. I was pissed and you were in the line of fire. KAREN: It's usually when the truth comes out. LUCAS: Yeah, well, the truth is, I'm the reason you never got what you wanted. So that kind of nullifies my right to complain. [LUCAS sits down on the step and KAREN follows suit] KAREN: Is that what you think? I got exactly what I want, Lucas. Everybody seems to think that I'm some kind of victim. I chose this. And if I had to do it over, you and I would still be having this conversation. LUCAS: Yeah, I know, I just... I hate to see them get away with it, Dan and Nathan, you know. They should've helped you out. It's not fair. KAREN: I'm glad he never offered. Because at the time, I honestly don't know what I would've said. But I can tell you this much, Lucas. If he had given us money, he'd have felt entitled to have a say in how you were being raised and I think that that would've been a bigger price to pay. [Pause] You've seen how Nathan's turned out. LUCAS: Like father, like son. KAREN: So who do you think we should feel sorry for? Ourselves or them? [THE SCOTT'S HOUSE. DAN walks in] DAN: Hey. DEB: Still not home. DAN: Oh he will be. DEB: I take it this isn't the first time you've let him stay out all night? DAN: Oh, I don't want to smother him, Deb. He's a responsible, disciplined kid. DEB: Is he? Hmm. Your brother just called. Our responsible, disciplined kid got into a hit and run last night. In Peyton's car. DAN: Is he okay? DEB: Oh, he's not hurt. But do you want to know what he did afterwards? He walked away and tried to dump it on Lucas. [DAN sighs] DAN: Well, I'll talk to him. DEB: You'll talk to him. [Pause] Is that all you have to say? DAN: What do you want me to say? DEB: I don't know anymore. But I'll tell you one thing. Seems to me you and Nathan have gotten a little too comfortable when I'm not around. So I'm cutting back at the foundation. Fewer hours and no more travel. [Pause] Try not to look so disappointed. DAN: Come on, Deb, you don't have to do this. DEB: I don't have to? Or you don't want me to? [NATHAN walks in and they look at him] NATHAN: What? [THE BODY SHOP. LUCAS walks in] KEITH: Hey, you're still alive. Guess you didn't tell your mom about your little crime spree yet, huh? LUCAS: This morning. She's working on my punishment now. KEITH: Good. You recognize that car over there? [LUCAS looks. There's a red car, scratched all the way down the side] KEITH: The owner got your note. I talked him out of pressing charges. LUCAS: Thanks, Keith. KEITH: Lets just get this done, okay? So we can get back to billing for the work we do. [NATHAN walks in] LUCAS: What do you want? KEITH: I, uh, suspect his parents sent him. LUCAS: You told them? KEITH: Yeah. You may be willing to let him get away with it but I'm not. [Pause] Try not to kill each other, girls. [KEITH leaves and LUCAS walks over to NATHAN] NATHAN: Peyton wants to know when she's going to get her car back. LUCAS: When it's fixed. NATHAN: How much is the work going to cost? LUCAS: I don't know. A lot. Why? NATHAN: Give me the invoice when it's done. My dad will right a check. LUCAS: No thanks. NATHAN: I said we'll pay you. LUCAS: You want to pay me? You stay away from me. NATHAN: Suit yourself. [NATHAN starts to walk away] LUCAS: Hey, whatever you're up to... [NATHAN stops and looks at LUCAS] LUCAS: Stay the hell away from Haley. NATHAN: We're just talking man. You know, kind of like you and Peyton. [LUCAS glares at NATHAN as he exits] [PEYTON'S ROOM. She's working on a drawing when NATHAN walks in] NATHAN: Car will be ready by Friday. PEYTON: Whatever. The bag of stuff by the door is yours. NATHAN: What's all this? PEYTON: It's all the crap you've left here. Take it. [NATHAN picks something up] NATHAN: This is the necklace I gave you. PEYTON: You mean the leash? No thanks. NATHAN: Peyton, come on. [NATHAN walks over to her] NATHAN: Look, my mom's gong to cool down and everything will be back to normal. [PEYTON gets up] PEYTON: Okay, trust me, the last thing I want with us is normal. In case you haven't noticed, normal sucks with us, Nathan. NATHAN: Peyton, is this about your car? Because I'm taking car of that. PEYTON: It's not about the car. It's about you. I finally saw you clearly for the first time last night. The way you treated me, the way you treated Tim, the way you treated your brother. NATHAN: Don't call him that. PEYTON: And the way you're playing that girl. NATHAN: What? [Pause] Are you talking about Haley? Is that what this is about? Peyton, she means nothing. PEYTON: [Angrily] Okay, if that's the case, then you're an @#%$. And eveb if she does mean something, you're still an @#%$ and what's really sad, Nathan, is that you're too stupid to get that. So thank you for being such an amazing son of a @#%$ last night. You really made this a no-brainer. NATHAN: I'll call you when you're not so PMS. PEYTON: Don't bother. I mean it. We're done. So get the hell out. [NATHAN stares at her] PEYTON: [Angrily, throwing the bag at him] I mean it! Get the hell out! [NATHAN leaves in shock. Peyton collapses onto her bed] [NATHAN'S ROOM. He's looking at the necklace] [HALEY'S ROOM. She's laying on her bed] [PEYTON'S ROOM. She's sitting up, sketching a red streetlight] [THE BODY SHOP. LUCAS is sitting in PEYTON'S car, reading her comic strip in the newspaper] [KAREN'S CAFÉ. HALEY is scrubbing the counter when LUCAS walks in] HALEY: Hey, I was beginning to think I would never see you again. You're avoiding me, right? LUCAS: A little. HALEY: Luke, I was just trying to help. You just like, jumped down my throat. We've always been able to talk about stuff, you know. I just had this crazy idea that if... you could see things from Nathan's side... [Sigh] You're just a real pain in the butt sometimes. [HALEY squirts LUCAS with a water bottle playfully] LUCAS: Yeah. At least we can still be honest with each other. HALEY: Yeah. At least. LUCAS: So, if anything were going on with you... anything important or weird, or confusing... I mean, you could still be honest with me about that, right? HALEY: Yeah, of course. [LUCAS tosses HALEY'S hat onto the counter] LUCAS: You left that in Peyton's car. [LUCAS leaves and HALEY looks after him, upset]

A party at Dan's beach house, complete with basketball players, cheerleaders and beer? Sounds cool. But things heat up when Nathan humiliates Lucas, then crashes Peyton's car and lets Lucas take the blame. When Lucas sees the wealth that was denied him, he finally confronts his mother about why she let Dan ignore them. Meanwhile, when Nathan's mom returns home to hear her son was involved in a hit-and-run, she turns to Karen for advice. This episode's title is inspired in the Dave Matthews Band 's song Crash Into Me .

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"A Boy in a Bush" [SCENE_BREAK] [Fade in: Auditorium. From a podium on stage, Dr. Brennan is giving a lecture to a large group of anthropology students. Behind her shines a slide showing a variety of what look to be skull fragments.] BRENNAN: As far back as 1938, the director of the F.B.I., J. Edgar Hoover, wrote to the then curator of the Jeffersonian Institution, Professor Daniel Payne, to aid in the evaluation of specimens who were thought to be irrefutably human. This was the result. [She changes the slide, and a drawing of an ape appears. The students laugh.] BRENNAN: Despite this early disagreement, the F.B.I. and the Jeffersonian have forged a mutually beneficial, if somewhat tense, relationship which survives to this day. Thank you. [The students applaud and Goodman steps to the podium.] GOODMAN: Thank you, Dr. Brennan. Are there any questions? [A girl in the audience raises her hand.] OS: GOODMAN: Yes? [She stands.] FEMALE STUDENT: How much money have you made from your book? BRENNAN: I don't really know. I have an accountant and an agent- GOODMAN (cutting her off): That's not really the kind of question we're looking for from an anthropology student. [A boy in the hand is called on.] OS: GOODMAN: Yes? [He stands.] MALE STUDENT: Did you get your agent before or after you wrote the book? [Brennan moves toward the podium to answer, but Goodman speaks first.] GOODMAN: People, Dr. Brennan is an accomplished forensic anthropologist who writes books on the side. [In the audience, Booth stands from among the students.] BOOTH: I have a question regarding role of the F.B.I. in your book: Who do you base the brilliant and insightful Special Agent Andy Lister on? GOODMAN: Oh, for God's sake. BOOTH: Because, you know, I'm pretty sure it was me. BRENNAN: What are you doing here, Booth? [Cut to: Outside the building, Brennan and Booth are walking side-by-side toward the parking lot.] BOOTH: Local police got an anonymous call saying that there were human remains in a field behind a mall in the suburbs. BRENNAN: I did an anthropological profile of the suburb as a grad student. The whole notion of a created community, a modern utopia with its own mores and rules... It's fascinating. BOOTH: Fascinating to who? BRENNAN: To "whom". BOOTH: Whom. (He sees the shiny, silver sports car they've walked up to and laughs) You've got to be kidding. BRENNAN: What? My publishers gave it to me. BOOTH: Gave it to you? BRENNAN: Book sales are pretty good. It's supposed to be a nice car. BOOTH: Gave it to you? BRENNAN: Yeah. BOOTH: Well, why'd you park crooked? BRENNAN: Well, the guy said to always park it like that. BOOTH: He's wrong. It makes you look like an idiot. BRENNAN: How about I drive for once? BOOTH: No, I cannot show up at a crime scene in that. BRENNAN: Why? BOOTH: Because it would detract from the gravity of my F.B.I. presence. Especially if you parked crooked. BRENNAN: Why is the F.B.I. involved in the search for human remains behind a suburban mall? [Booth pulls a paper out of his jacket and hands it to her.] BOOTH: Because this boy is missing. [The paper is a missing person flier with a picture of a young boy on it.] BRENNAN: Oh... A child. BOOTH: Yeah. [Cut to: The field behind Clayton Hills Mall. The parking lot is filled with vehicles, among them squad cars and a coroner's van. Booth, Brennan, and Zack are speaking with a police officer.] POLICE OFFICER: Anonymous call came in a couple hours ago. No sign of him yet. BOOTH: How do you know it wasn't a prank? [The officer starts a recording of the call.] GIRL (on cassette player): You have to come right away! There's, like, a dead kid here, all rotted away! It's in the field behind Clayton Hills Mall. You better come! BOOTH: Well, that rings true. BRENNAN: Why anonymous? POLICE OFFICER: Kids come here to party, misbehave. BRENNAN: Adolescents and preadolescents tend to seek out their own space to establish their own society, to counter parental influence. POLICE OFFICER: You mind if I make an observation? BRENNAN: No, of course not. POLICE OFFICER: In your book, the cops come off as very one-dimensional. Why is that? BRENNAN: You mean two-dimensional. ZACK: One-dimensionality exists only in theory as a mathematical value. POLICE OFFICER: Okay. Really looking forward to your next book. [He exits.] BRENNAN: Did you bring the thermal imager? ZACK: I don't think we need it. [Brennan gives him a look.] ZACK: It makes me look like the Great Gazoo. BRENNAN: I don't know what that means, but we definitely need it, Zack. [He sighs and walks off.] [Cut to: A bit later, in the field. Zack is wearing the thermal imager, which looks like a large orange and yellow helmet over his head. We see Booth and Brennan through his point of view, in yellows, greens, and reds based off of thermal heat.] BOOTH: How's it going there, Darth? See anything on Saturn? (off of Brennan's look) Oh, please tell me you've seen at least one Star Wars movie. BRENNAN: When I was seven, and leave Zack alone. [Back to normal view.] ZACK: Can we please hurry up? It's stuffy in here. [They begin to walk.] ZACK: I should be able to see any heat residue released from decomposing bodies. [They happen upon a small area where there obviously used to be a fire. Some crates and various garbage surround it.] OS: BOOTH: Party central. BRENNAN: Because suburbs are so homogeneous, adolescents tend to rebel in predictable and uniform ways. Fire, illicit substances, wayward behavior. BOOTH: Do you think that wayward behavior would include abducting a six-year-old child? BRENNAN: It's pretty extreme. Adolescents are more likely to drink alcohol and listen to culturally inappropriate music at high volume. ZACK: I'm picking something up. [From his POV, we see mostly green as he walks through grass, but then a patch of yellow, signifying some heat, appears.] [Back to normal view, Zack takes the imager off of his head.] ZACK: Oh my God. BOOTH: What? Why'd you stop? ZACK: You can turn on your flashlight. Aim it over there. [He pulls back some high grass and we see the mostly decomposed body of a young child.] [SCENE_BREAK] [TITLE CREDITS] [Fade in: The Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab. The child's body is laid out on a table on the raised center platform.] BRENNAN: Before proceeding with maceration, any general observations? Zack? ZACK: Epiphyseal fusion puts the age at approximately six to ten years, though the stature suggest younger. BRENNAN: Good. I concur. Cause of death? ZACK: Blunt trauma to the chest. [Brennan walks over to Angela, concerned.] BRENNAN: Are you all right? ANGELA: He's so small. That's all. Go on with your work. I'm okay. [Brennan returns to the table.] HODGINS: The remains were significantly degraded by insect and animal activity, mostly dog and rodent. Despite the condition of the body, he's been dead between only thirty-six to forty-eight hours. BRENNAN (gesturing towards the victim's clothes): These were found a few yards from the body. Notice that they are in perfect condition. What does that tell you? ZACK: The victim wasn't wearing them when he was killed. BRENNAN: Which suggests he was sexually assaulted. [Angela approaches the table and hands a sheet of paper to Brennan.] ANGELA: I'm done. [Brennan takes the sketch and walks to a computer screen, where the missing flier is displayed, to compare.] BRENNAN: I think we have a match. The clothing matches. It's Charles Gregory Sanders. [Cut to: The Sanders house.] OS: BOOTH: On behalf of the F.B.I., we're extremely sorry for the loss of your son. [Cut to: Inside. Booth is talking with Charles' mother, Margaret Sanders, and one of the Sanders' neighbors, Ellie Nelson.] BOOTH: And I have a few questions, I mean, only if you're up to it. [Margaret nods.] BOOTH: You have two other sons? MARGARET: Foster sons. Though I try not to make the distinction. ELLIE: Shawn and David Cook. They are brothers. I live right next door. BOOTH: Charlie was your own? MARGARET (voice breaking): Yes. Charlie was mine. BOOTH: What about Mr. Sanders? MARGARET: We divorced shortly before Charlie was even born. He works overseas. ELLIE: He doesn't even send child support. BOOTH: You mind if I ask how you afford this nice neighborhood? MARGARET: Child Services wouldn't allow a single mother to foster if she worked. I live off the proceeds of a generous trust fund my parents set up long ago. BOOTH: And the day that Charlie disappeared - all three boys went to the park? ELLIE: It's two blocks away. It's a very safe neighborhood. They walk farther to school. MARGARET: We all keep an eye out for each other around here. People are good neighbors, take an interest. [A door opens in the background.] OS: SKYLER: Mom? MARGARET: In here, Skyler. [Skyler Nelson enters with Shawn and David Cook.] ELLIE: This is my son, Skyler. SKYLER: Dad told me to bring the boys back. We gotta go on a job. DAVID: There's nothing to do here. SHAWN: Our video game's broke. MARGARET: Shawn, David, this is Agent Booth. He's gonna find out what happened to Charlie. DAVID: How're you gonna figure it out? BOOTH: Oh, I'm in the F.B.I. We always figure it out. Boys, I mean, if it's alright with your mother, maybe I could help you out with your video game. [Margaret nods, and the boys head off with Booth following behind them.] [Cut to: Brennan's office. All the squints are gathered there.] GOODMAN: These are invitations to a banquet. [He hands an envelope to Brennan.] BRENNAN: You called a special meeting to invite us to a party? GOODMAN: Don't this of it as an invitation, consider it a summons. It's for donors. [He moves to Hodgins, who stands.] HODGINS: Meet and greet, press the flesh, butt kiss... GOODMAN: I don't like it any more than you do, but these people fund our research, and all they want in return is to rub elbows with a scientist every once in awhile. [He walks toward Angela.] HODGINS: I can't make it. BRENNAN: Yeah, me neither. ANGELA: I have a date that night. GOODMAN (handing her an invitation): You don't even know when it is. [Zack raises his hand.] GOODMAN (passing him an envelope as well): Yes, Mr. Addy? ZACK: What kind of food will there be? GOODMAN: When I said you should think of this invitation as a summons, I understated. It's a subpoena. A grand-jury subpoena. Ignore it at your own peril. BRENNAN: You're not gonna fire us if we don't go. GOODMAN: No, not fire you, but I can move your parking spot to Lot M. Enjoy the shuttle ride. ZACK: The shuttle smells like feet. BRENNAN: I know when I'm beat. I'm in. ANGELA: What the hell, it's a party. ZACK: Do I have to wear a tie? GOODMAN: Formal wear. I've arranged for a limo to pick us up here. HODGINS: Not me. I'm not afraid of parking or feet. ZACK: Wait, you drive me to work. You can't just think of yourself. GOODMAN: Repercussions and consequences, Dr. Hodgins. I'm your boss, and you will go to this banquet. [Hodgins snaps a rubberband that's around his wrist as Goodman exits, and Angela takes notice.] [Cut to: The Sanders house. Booth is helping the kids with their video game.] DAVID (as Booth puts a controller back together): Do you know what you're doing? BOOTH: Yeah. I can fix anything. DAVID: Cool. BOOTH: You guys, uh, you guys have girlfriends? DAVID: I do. SHAWN: Her name's Leila. BOOTH: Leila. Leila. DAVID: I thought you were gonna ask us questions about Charlie. BOOTH: Yeah, so which one of you puny mortals wants to challenge me first? SHAWN: Oh, me! [They start playing, and Shawn eyes Booth a bit suspiciously.] [Cut to: The Jeffersonian, Zack's office.] BRENNAN: You about to clean the bones? ZACK: Yes. I'm warming up the boiler now. BRENNAN: Something wrong? ZACK: These are the smallest remains I've ever worked on. BRENNAN: That's a valid observation, Zack, but it's not helpful to the investigation. ZACK: Sorry, Dr. Brennan. BRENNAN: I was at Waco, Branch Davidian compound. I helped identify children who had been killed in the fire. Seventeen of them. ZACK: So, you're saying I'll get used to it? BRENNAN: No, I'm saying you'll never get used to it. We're primates. Social creatures. It's coded into our DNA to protect our young. Even from each other. ZACK: So, I'm always going to feel terrible? BRENNAN: What helps me is to pull back emotionally. Just... put your heart in a box. ZACK: I am not good with metaphor, Dr. Brennan. BRENNAN: Focus on the details. ZACK: Details. Yeah, I can do that. [They walk over to where the bones are laid out on a table.] ZACK: No trauma to the skull. No compound fractures. Charlie was not beaten to death or dismembered. BRENNAN: It helps not to refer to the victim by name. ZACK: Greenstick fractures on ribs four, five, six, and seven. And the sternum is snapped transversally from the tip to the xiphoid. BRENNAN: Okay, what does that indicate? ZACK: The victim's chest was struck by a heavy, blunt object. BRENNAN: Are you completely certain we've learned everything we can from the body at this stage of decomposition? ZACK: I've been over everything at least three times. BRENNAN: Smell the mouth. [He does so.] BRENNAN: Anything behind the typical smells of decomposition? ZACK: Some kind of chemical. Chloroform. Something used to render the boy unconscious. BRENNAN: Take samples from the mouth, jaw, sinuses, and... what's left of the esophagus. Kids make it harder, Zack. [She exits, and he looks down at the body for a moment.] [Cut to: Outside the Sanders house, Booth exits with Shawn, David, and Margaret.] BOOTH: All right, look, you beat me bad. DAVID: No wonder you don't have a girlfriend. MARGARET: David! BOOTH: It's okay, Mrs. Sanders. It's alright. No, I do have a girlfriend. SHAWN: Is she pretty? BOOTH: Nah, she's butt ugly. Got a glass eye, snaggly back teeth. So, was Leila with you the day that Charlie disappeared? DAVID: Uh, yeah, actually. We stopped and played some video games at the arcade. BOOTH: That must've been before you and Charlie went to the park. MARGARET: You didn't go to the mall that day, David. [She looks at David, who looks away.] MARGARET: Shawn? DAVID: Don't ask Shawn, mom. BOOTH: You met Leila at the mall, didn't you? You left Charlie with Shawn at the park. DAVID: Well, just for a few minutes, and then they came back to the mall. MARGARET: David! DAVID: Shawn let go of his hand for a second, Charlie was gone like that! [Across the street, Skyler and his father load up a truck to go off on an extermination job.] DAVID: And then we came straight home. BOOTH: Charlie wasn't taken from the park, he was snatched from the mall. We've been looking in the wrong place. OS: MR. NELSON: Come on, son. Let's go. [Cut to: Jeffersonian lab. Hodgins places the victim's jawbone into a plastic box and replaces the lid. Angela approaches.] ANGELA: What's with the rubber band? HODGINS: Methyl oxide vapor in this chamber will bind to whatever compound Charlie breathed in before he was killed. [Angela reaches over and snaps the rubber band.] HODGINS: Ouch! ANGELA: It's an anger management technique, right? HODGINS: The key there is management, which is what I'm doing. Managing my anger. [The box fills with vapor.] HODGINS: There'll be a color change. Red for pnictogens and chalcogens, and blue for halogens. ANGELA: I get that you're a little off-kilter. Mad at the government, conspiracy of dunces, all that. Maybe even furious that you've had to mount a little boy's jawbone inside a box to find out what killed him. What I don't get is why going to a banquet makes you angry. [The vapor starts to clear, and the bone glows blue in areas.] HODGINS: Halogens it is. I'm gonna scrape off the particles and see if the mass spectrometer can identify what type of halogen. ANGELA: Anger is only fear, turned inwards. [She moves to leave, but stops to snap the rubber band against his wrist one more time. He flinches, and she exits.] [Cut to: Angela's office. Brennan, Angela, and Booth are looking at her computer monitor.] ANGELA: There are twenty surveillance cameras taking stills every two seconds throughout the mall, including access corridors and parking lots. I concentrated on the ones aimed at the public concourse. BOOTH: Okay, ten thousand people a day go through that mall. How are we gonna find one small kid? BRENNAN: Angela designed a mass recognition program to apply body types to skeletal remains. ANGELA: Endomorph, ectomorph, mesomorph, that sort of thing. I modified it to scan two dimensional images. In this case, we're looking for body masses roughly congruent with Charlie, Shawn, and David. [She points at the screen.] ANGELA: There's David. BOOTH: You're actually one of them. ANGELA: One of who? BOOTH: A squint. I mean, you look normal and you act normal, but you're actually one of them. ANGELA: This whole mass recognition program was Brennan's idea. I'm completely normal. Really. BOOTH: Yeah, maybe before you got this job. But now... BRENNAN (pointing at the screen): I see Charlie. BOOTH: Oh. That's him, all right. ANGELA (whispering): Oh, God. BRENNAN: Ange? Are you okay? ANGELA: It's just... these are probably the last pictures of this little... guy alive. Why is he alone? Why isn't anybody with him? (pause) Sorry. Max resolution is X-40 by 480 pixels per square inch. BOOTH: No, wait, he's not alone. Someone's calling him over. Can't you just zoom in? [On the screen, we see Charlie walk over to a person, who's obscured by a banner.] ANGELA: The fewer pixels that make up an image, the more the picture degrades once we zoom in on it. Did that sound too squinty? BRENNAN: Any way to enhance it? ANGELA: Well, I wouldn't bet a date with Colin Farrell on it. BRENNAN: I know him. He's funny. ANGELA: Funny is Will Ferrell, sweetie. Hot is Colin Farrell. BOOTH: Now look, wait. The kid was definitely moving toward someone. He wasn't struggling. He wasn't trying to get away. You know, I want to add the neighborhood kid Skyler Nelson to the list of possible suspects. ANGELA: I have one other angle, but our bad guy is still obstructed in it. [They all look at the screen.] BOOTH: Who the hell are you? [Dissolve to: Jeffersonian hallway. Angela's sitting on a bench. Brennan approaches.] BRENNAN: Are you thinking of leaving the Jeffersonian? ANGELA: I'm not really this person. [Brennan sits down.] BRENNAN: What person? ANGELA: I'm not like you. I'm not driven by the need for justice and all that. I'm a good-time girl. BRENNAN: We have good times. ANGELA: Cracking jokes over murdered skeletons is not good times. BRENNAN: I know it's harder on you than it is for the rest of us. ANGELA: No it's not. (pause) Why? BRENNAN: Because you look at their faces. We look at everything else. It's more clinical for us. For you - it's personal. When we see a murdered child- ANGELA: Honey I... I'm, no offense, I'm really not up for one of your 'it takes a village' anthropology lessons. This is the longest I've ever had a job. That's because of you. BRENNAN: If this is about hours, or time to do your own art, then- ANGELA: Just let me work on it, okay? I'm an artist. I used to draw naked guys. Now I draw dead guys. BRENNAN: Just don't decide anything without talking to me. ANGELA: Of course I won't. [She leans back and sighs. Brennan leans back as well.] [Cut to: Jeffersonian lab. Booth and Brennan walk down the corridor.] BRENNAN: I'm afraid Angela might quit. BOOTH: I'm amazed she stuck it out this long. BRENNAN: Why? BOOTH: Oh, because she's human. [Brennan gives him look.] BOOTH: I'm sorry, Bones, it's just that, you know, uh... Angela didn't get the same training that the rest of you got on, uh, planet Vulcan. BRENNAN: I don't know what that means. [They enter a room where the skeleton is laid out and Zack is waiting.] BOOTH: She's more sensitive. ZACK: Who's more sensitive? BRENNAN: Angela. BOOTH: She likes puppies and kitties and ducklings, and, you know, Jell-O shots and, you know, dancing on bars. [He makes some music and dances a little.] BRENNAN: I know that. She's my best friend. And Angela's not the only person in the world who likes baby animals. ZACK: I never got the big attraction. BOOTH: I rest my case. She's more sensitive. ZACK: We cross-referenced the length and density of Charlie's leg bones with other children his age. The victim, I mean. [Booth stares at the skeleton for a moment, and is obviously emotionally affected by it. Zack notices.] ZACK: The thing to do is concentrate on the details. [There's a pause.] BOOTH: Let's do that. [He clears his throat.] BRENNAN: We found some abnormalities. They're bowed, and abnormally short. ZACK: Also, the victim's show freezing of the joints at the hip and knee. BOOTH: Are you saying Charlie was crippled? BRENNAN: The victim was disabled, yes. BOOTH: His mother never mentioned that. ZACK: The ribs are broken in two places, which is not typical of blunt-force trauma. BRENNAN: How do you explain that? ZACK: I'd attribute it to his medical condition and the corresponding brittleness of his bones. BRENNAN: I agree. What is that condition? ZACK: It looks like scoliosis - a bend in the spine. [Brennan walks over to the x-rays on the wall.] BRENNAN: I think it's more than that, Zack. There are multiple calcified lesions on the posterior thoracic vertebrae. That, plus Charlie's short stature, and the asymmetric length of his legs... Margaret Sanders may not be Charlie's biological mother. BOOTH: What? BRENNAN (to Zack): Test the bones for X-linked hypophosphatemia and Coffin-Lowry Syndrome. [They start to move away, but Booth stops them.] BOOTH: Whoa, whoa. Okay, hold on. Simmer down, just back up to the part where she's not his mother. ZACK: Dr. Brennan is having me check for hereditary genetic defects which are always passed from mother to child. BRENNAN: If Charlie had one, then Margaret Sanders is not his mother. [Cut to: Interrogation room. Booth and Brennan are questioning Margaret Sanders.] MARGARET: How can you say that? BRENNAN: Charlie suffered from a hereditary genetic disorder called hypophosphatemia. BOOTH: Charlie's real mother would have the same disease. BRENNAN: You do not. MARGARET: Never say I wasn't Charlie's real mother, because I was. BOOTH: Biological mother, then. Mrs. Sanders, you are not Charlie's biological mother. You want to explain that to us? MARGARET: I can't have children. That's why my husband left me. So I took in foster kids. BRENNAN: Like Shawn and David Cook. MARGARET: And Charlie. Though is name was Nathan. I got him as a baby down in Pittsburgh. Ten days old. His mother was arrested on drug charges, and Child Services brought him to me. Three weeks I had him. Then the charges were dropped. BOOTH: You kept him? MARGARET: No. I gave him back. But it nearly killed me. I stayed in touch. I bought him things - formula, stroller. I wanted to make sure he was all right. BOOTH: Nathan what, Mrs. Sanders? MARGARET: Nathan Downey. His mother was a drug addict named Janine. Christmas Day I found her dead on her kitchen floor, a needle stuck in her arm. And I could hear Charlie, crying upstairs. So I went up. BRENNAN: And you took him home. MARGARET: I looked him in the eyes, and I promised him I would never leave him alone again. And he stopped crying. I expected every day for Child Services to come looking. BRENNAN: He would've ended up back in the system anyway. MARGARET (breaking down, crying): I meant to keep him safe... and love him. And now he's dead. [Cut to: Booth's office. Booth enters, Brennan right behind.] BOOTH: I had to arrest her. BRENNAN: The story checked out. The overdose. BOOTH: She confessed to kidnapping. BRENNAN: Margaret Sanders did nothing more than respond to the anthropological imperative. She saw an orphan, and reacted. BOOTH: This is not a National Geographic study, okay? This is the suburbs. BRENNAN: Why would she kill the boy? She obviously loved him. BOOTH: There are situations, right? The kid gets sick, he doesn't turn out to be what you wanted. I bet that you could give me a dozen examples of societies that have killed their own young. BRENNAN: What about Shawn and David Cook? Where do they go now? BOOTH: Back into the system. BRENNAN: Do you have any idea how bad the foster care system is? BOOTH: Do you? What do you want to do, hmm? Do you want to kidnap them, the way that she kidnapped Charlie? BRENNAN: I want you to let them go home to Margaret Sanders. BOOTH: It's not gonna happen. [Brennan leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Cut to: Angela's office. Angela and Zack are bent over the computer.] ZACK: Try redigitizing and resizing. ANGELA: I did. The extrapolation protocol got confused by the spread. Hey, you know Hodgins better than anybody else. So why is he so bent out of shape about this banquet? ZACK: What makes you say that? ANGELA: Because every time someone mentions it, he starts snapping that rubber band around his wrist. ZACK: I mean, what makes you think I know Hodgins better than anyone else? ANGELA: You're roommates. ZACK: I live above his garage. ANGELA: But you see a lot of each other. ZACK: Not really. ANGELA: He drives you to work. ZACK: I've never been up to the main house. ANGELA: The main house? ZACK: It's at the opposite end of the driveway on the other side of the tennis courts across from pond. [Booth enters.] BOOTH: Okay, anything on the identity of Charlie's abductor? ANGELA: I can't clear up this image any more than it is. Tell Booth what you told me about living in Hodgins' garage. ZACK: There's a bedroom, living room, kitchen, another bedroom, a den, two bathrooms- BOOTH: Great. Quite a garage. Can we focus on the case? ANGELA: How many cars does he have in that garage? ZACK: Including the antique ones, about twelve. And a boat. ANGELA: Zack has never seen the main house because the tennis courts and the pond block the view. BOOTH: Well, he must be one of those Hodgins. ZACK: Who are 'those' Hodginses? BOOTH: You know, the Cantilever Group Hodgins? ANGELA: Oh my God. ZACK: The same Cantilever Group that generates more G.N.P. than Europe? ANGELA: Get this. They are the single biggest donors to the Jeffersonian Institution. [Booth laughs.] BOOTH: That makes Hodgins your boss. ANGELA: What do you guys even talk about when he drives you to work? ZACK: I mostly sleep. Hodgins mostly yells at the radio. [On the computer screen, the abductor leads the child out of a glass door.] BOOTH: Okay, if you can't see the guy's face, maybe you can grab a reflection. ZACK: That's a workable idea. BOOTH: Well, I'd say thanks, you know, if you didn't say it like it was some kind of a miracle. [Cut to: Brennan's office. She's typing, looking very determined. [Hodgins enters.] HODGINS: Chem lab mass spectrometer identifies the particulates in Charlie Sanders' mouth as fluoride. [He looks at Brennan.] HODGINS: I recognize that look. BRENNAN: What? [He looks at the rolling board of notes.] HODGINS: You're writing another book. When you write, you get this stunned look on your face like you stuck a fork in a toaster. Am I in this one too? BRENNAN: You weren't in the last one. Fluoride? At what concentration? HODGINS: It's too high for toothpaste. BRENNAN: Put together a list of - [She sees he's not listening and reading the notes. She pushes the board away from him a little.] BRENNAN: Put together a list of anything that could conceivably contain fluoride at those levels. HODGINS: All right. Do you have time for this? BRENNAN: They gave me a car. HODGINS: Nice. Who? BRENNAN: My publisher. Now I feel like I have to earn it by writing another book. HODGINS: Fight coercion in all its forms. You don't write the book, I don't go to the banquet. Solidarity. [He leaves, Booth enters.] BOOTH: Angela has a face for the abductor. [She exits quickly. Booth sneaks a peek at the board of notes before following.] [Cut to: Angela's office. Booth, Brennan, and Angela are crowded around the computer.] ANGELA: I looked on both cameras. This one offered up more reflective surfaces. BOOTH: Right at the door. ANGELA: Check this out. BOOTH: The abductor's face. ANGELA: By polarizing the image, the computer can interpret the spaces between the white and the dark gaps and fill in the missing pieces. BOOTH: Wait. That doesn't look like an adult. ANGELA: When I repolarize the image... [The blurry picture becomes clear.] BOOTH: Shawn Cook. BRENNAN: The victim's foster brother. [Cut to: Interrogation room. Shawn Cook draws pictures in some spilled water on the table. Booth is questioning him as a child advocate sits nearby. Brennan and a juvenile prosecutor watch from outside.] BOOTH: Where were you taking Charlie, Shawn? SHAWN: I brought him to the mall to see David. BOOTH: I know you brought him to the mall. But we got a picture of you... leading him out of the mall. [He slides a printed image of the picture from Angela's computer screen in front of Shawn.] BRENNAN: Have you seen much of this kind of thing? PROSECUTOR: I'm a juvenile prosecutor. I wish I could say kids killing kids was rare. BOOTH: Where were you taking him, Shawn? SHAWN: When can I talk to Margaret? BOOTH: After you answer my questions. BRENNAN: Can he do that? Lie to a kid? PROSECUTOR: We're after a child killer, Dr. Brennan. If the child advocate in there doesn't complain, I sure as hell won't. BRENNAN: Well, what's the point of having a child advocate if he doesn't advocate for the child? PROSECUTOR: I get the impression that you're a little confused as to what side you're on, Dr. Brennan. BOOTH (lifting the hem of his shirt): Shawn, you know what that is? SHAWN: A scar? [Booth tucks his shirt back in.] BOOTH: Yeah. Got it when I was playing soldier with my brother Jared. SHAWN: Did it hurt? BOOTH: Yeah, it hurt. But it was an accident. You got any scars? [Shawn rolls up his sleeve show a few small, round marks on his arm.] SHAWN: My dad did it with a cigarette. BOOTH: He shouldn't have done that. [Shawn slides his sleeve back down.] SHAWN: Margaret didn't do anything like that. I love Margaret. BOOTH: What I need to know is if Charlie had some kind of an accident. [Shawn doesn't answer.] BOOTH: Shawn? ADVOCATE: Maybe we can just take a break. BOOTH: Shawn? PROSECUTOR: He's not being aggressive enough. BRENNAN: Foster kids are powerless. They're treated like garbage. You're in a position to do something about it, and all you have to say is 'He's not being aggressive enough'? PROSECUTOR: Dr. Brennan, you know this boy may very well have beaten a child to death with a rock? [The prosecutor exits.] [Cut to: Lab platform. Hodgins is working, and Angela walks up to him.] ANGELA: How long have we known each other? HODGINS: Do people really ever know each other? ANGELA: How come you never invited me over to your house? HODGINS: Oh, I didn't pick up that kind of vibe off you. ANGELA: I thought we were close. All of us. What else don't I know? Is Zack from another planet? HODGINS: Oh, come on. That one's obvious. ANGELA: You're rich. You single-handedly own the Cantilever Group. Don't deny, I know. HODGINS: Who else knows? ANGELA: Zack, Booth. HODGINS: Don't tell Brennan. ANGELA: Why don't you want us to know that you're actually our boss? HODGINS (harshly): I don't want to be anybody's boss. I never did. Please respect that. [Angela leaves, and Brennan enters.] BRENNAN: What's up with Angela? HODGINS: It's... job pressure. [There's a pause.] HODGINS: Fluoride at lower concentrations is used in toothpaste, instant tea, and is added to our drinking water. Which, I might add, can cause a range of conditions, brain damage- BRENNAN: Which has nothing to do with the case at hand. [Hodgins pauses a moment before continuing.] HODGINS: The concentrations found on our victim might come from wood preservatives, paint thinners, car wax, or various other industrial products. [He hands Brennan a list, and she stick it on her clipboard.] BRENNAN: Okay. Did Angela say anything about quitting her job? HODGINS: No. But we hardly know anything about each other. [Brennan exits.] [Cut to: The room where the skeleton is laid out. Brennan is writing notes as Booth enters.] BOOTH: Bones, I thought you'd like to know that Shawn and David are in emergency care. Pulled some strings, you know, to make sure they- they get to stay together. BRENNAN: That's good, thanks. BOOTH: It's the best I could do. BRENNAN: Yeah, I understand. BOOTH: No, you say you understand, but you don't. Not really. I mean, if you don't like the rule, you ignore it, right? [He steps forward and leans on the table.] BOOTH: I can't have that. And if you want to do this- BRENNAN: Do what? BOOTH: Work on cases, you know, with me. Outside the lab. If you wanna do that, I need to know that you will respect the law. BRENNAN (voice breaking): Tell you what, if I can't respect the law, I can at least respect you. BOOTH (a little surprised): Well- Yeah, that'll work, too. I mean it kind of comes out of nowhere, but- [Brennan notices the pencil he broke when he leaned on the table. It now sits in three pieces.] BRENNAN: Look what you did. BOOTH: It's a pencil. I'll get you a new one. BRENNAN: The victim was killed by trauma to the chest, but the ribs are broken in two places, not just one. BOOTH: Uh, because of the, uh, brittle bones. Because of his disease. BRENNAN: Well, that was my assumption, but there's another explanation. [She moves to leave, but he blocks her.] BOOTH: Yeah, whoa. What's the other explanation? BRENNAN: Compression. [She leaves, and he follows.] BOOTH: Like Charlie Sanders was crushed to death? BRENNAN: Yes. Greenstick fractures. Vertebral and sternal. [She holds up the broken pencil.] BRENNAN: See? BOOTH: Hey, Shawn Cook outweighed Charlie Sanders by, what, thirty pounds? How could he have crushed him to death? [They come across Angela as they enter the lab.] BRENNAN: Angela, we need to run some scenarios through the Angelator. [She walks off, and Booth and Angela move to follow. Hodgins enters from behind.] HODGINS: Angela, Booth! [They stop.] HODGINS: Zack has been informed that if he tells anyone who I am, I will kick him out on the street like a stray dog. Sadly, there is nothing I can threaten you two with. ANGELA: Yeah, that's a shame. HODGINS: What I want out of my life is to come in here and sift through slime and bugs. Unfortunately, my family is one of those who secretly run the world. BOOTH: Paranoia and delusions of grandeur all in one package. [Booth and Angela start to walk away.] HODGINS: You call it paranoia, I call it the family business. Please could you just stop! [They do, and turn back.] HODGINS: The reason that I do not want to go to that banquet is that the other members of the ruling elite will make a big fuss about seeing me. My secret will be out and my life, this life that I love, will be ruined. I'm asking you, please, please just let me be Jack Hodgins who works in the lab. [He exits.] [Cut to: Angela's office. Brennan, Booth, and Angela are around the Angelator where an image of Charlie Sanders is showing.] ANGELA: Charlie was three feet, four inches tall and weighed fifty-eight pounds. BRENNAN: And Shawn? ANGELA: Shawn Cook is 1.4 meters tall and weighs 31 kilograms. BOOTH: His brother David was 5'8", 150 pounds. ANGELA: 1.75 meters, 68 kilograms. BRENNAN: At first, I thought the break to Charlie's sternum was caused by blunt trauma because it only ran along one fault line. But when Booth broke my pencil, I realized there's another way to cause the same type of injury. Compression. ANGELA: Hodgins found no particulates that suggested crushing. BRENNAN: Body weight. There has to be enough weight on the victim to stop the abdomen from moving so no air can get into the lungs. [On the Angelator, a pair of legs appears on top of Charlie's horizontal form, and the bones of both people are shown through their bodies.] BRENNAN: Prolonged pressure caused the sternum to snap in half and the ribs to break. [On the Angelator, the pressure of the body on top of Charlie causes the ribs to snap. Angela is obviously emotionally affected by this visual and turns away slightly. Brennan looks over at her.] ANGELA: Sorry, sorry. I entered real-world variables, taking into account Charlie's size and the amount of pressure... [The visual runs through again, and Angela pauses for a short moment.] ANGELA: ...that was required to break Charlie's sternum in the way that it was broken. BOOTH: What did you end up with? ANGELA: 86.2 kilograms. BOOTH: What's that in American? BRENNAN: 190 pounds. BOOTH: Yeah. ANGELA: Way too much for either of the Cook kids or Margaret Sanders. BOOTH: I'd put the neighborhood kid Skyler at about 160 pounds. BRENNAN: It can't be him either. BOOTH: We should be looking for a full-grown man. BRENNAN: You have to get Shawn to tell you where he took Charlie when they left the mall. BOOTH: He won't talk to me. BRENNAN: Let me do it. BOOTH: Uh, no. You know, people are not your strong point, Bones. And besides, he's not going to care how many facts you put in front of him. BRENNAN: Could you just go with me on this one, Booth? We're trying to catch a killer. Let me help. BOOTH: When's the last time you even talked to a kid? BRENNAN: I know what to say. [Cut to: The interrogation room. Booth and the juvenile prosecutor from before are watching from outside as Brennan talks to Shawn as the child advocate observes.] BRENNAN: Do you remember me, Shawn? SHAWN: The museum lady. The one who's so smart. BRENNAN: Yeah, I'm pretty smart. PROSECUTOR: And very modest. BOOTH: Oh, believe me, she is being modest. BRENNAN: Smart enough to know that you didn't kill Charlie. You don't have to say anything, Shawn. Just listen. They give you a garbage bag to carry all your stuff, like they're telling you everything you own is garbage. And then you have to go to a new school in clothes that smell like garbage bags. SHAWN: All the regular kids know you're a foster kid. How do you know what it's like? BRENNAN: They bounce you from place to place, and it's never home. Sometimes the foster parents are nice. SHAWN: Like Margaret? BRENNAN: Yeah. And sometimes they separate you from your brother. It must have been nice with Margaret, staying with David. SHAWN (starting to cry): We got bunk beds. At night, I knew David was there. Like he was guarding me. Margaret's nice. BRENNAN: You'd do almost anything to stay with Margaret, right? [Shawn nods.] BRENNAN: The man you took Charlie to, the man who hurt him, he knows that. You didn't know that he'd hurt Charlie, but he did. And then he told you that Margaret would blame you, that she'd hate you. But this man is lying to you, Shawn. I can make sure that you go back to Margaret. SHAWN: How? You work at a museum. BRENNAN (looking pointedly through the one-way mirror at Booth): I have a friend at the FBI. If I ask him to, he will make sure that you and David get to live with Margaret again. ADVOCATE: Dr. Brennan, you can't make promises like that. BRENNAN: Yes, I can. He will do it. My friend will make it happen. BOOTH: Oh, man. BRENNAN: But you have to tell me who hurt Charlie. BOOTH: I'm gonna need your help to keep the promises she made to that boy. PROSECUTOR: Hey, I- I can't promise- BOOTH: Mrs. Johnson, my people and your people are gonna have to make this happen. SHAWN: What if Margaret doesn't want me anymore? Charlie was her real son. BRENNAN: Charlie wasn't her biological son either. Charlie was just like you: someone that Margaret chose to love. I don't think we should let that man take you and David and Charlie away from Margaret, do you? [Shawn shakes his head.] BRENNAN: We should stop him. You and I should stop him. [Shawn sits in silence, crying for a moment, before wrapping Brennan in a hug. He whispers something into her ear.] BOOTH: She did it. She got his name. [Cut to: The street outside the Sanders house. Booth pulls up as Skyler and his father are loading up their vehicle to go off on a job. Starsailor's 'Some of Us' plays in the background as Booth arrests Mr. Nelson.] BOOTH: Edward Nelson, you are under arrest for the sexual assault and murder of Charlie Sanders. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one, one will be appointed to you free of charge... [Cut to: Angela's office, the song still playing. She sets the missing poster and her sketch of Charlie side-by-side, and sighs.] [Cut to: Lab platform. The song continues as Hodgins takes the jaw bone he had tested and puts it on a tray Zack holds. He looks away as Zack exits.] [Cut to: The Sanders house, music still playing. Booth leads Edward Nelson to the FBI vehicle in handcuffs as Brennan watching Mrs. Nelson talk to her son. Both Booth and Brennan watching as Skyler hugs his crying mother. Their eyes meet before Booth exits.] [Cut to: The Jeffersonian. Zack, with a shaking hand, places the jawbone in a coffin with the rest of Charlie's skeleton and shuts the lid. Two men in suits somberly take the casket out of the room as Zack watches, emotional.] [Cut to: FBI building. Booth enters with Margaret Sanders.] MARGARET: Boys. [David and Shawn rush up and hug her.] DAVID and SHAWN: Mom! [Booth and Brennan lock eyes over the hugging family.] OS: SHAWN: Are we gonna be a family again? OS: MARGARET: Oh, you betcha. [Cut to: Brennan's office. The song fades out. Booth enters.] BOOTH: We have him cold. The insecticide he was using on the termites matches the fluoride concentration perfectly. Skyler's dad admitted everything. BRENNAN: Don't tell me, he said crushing Charlie to death was a mistake. BOOTH: He never abused Shawn Cook, he just used him to get near Charlie. It played out just like you said. He had Charlie out in that field. Some teenage kids, they come by, so he knelt on Charlie to keep him from crying out. Shawn got scared and ran back to his brother. BRENNAN: Charlie was small and weak. His sternum collapsed. You think he abused any other kids. BOOTH: Yeah, probably his own son. BRENNAN: You report that to Child Services? BOOTH: Mm-hmm. Try to get the kid some help. [He pauses.] BOOTH: Look, I'm sorry. BRENNAN: For what? BOOTH: You have personal experience in the system. [Brennan pauses for a moment.] BRENNAN: I was a foster child until my grandfather got me out. BOOTH: Yeah, when you said 'They take you away from your brother,' I kind of had the feeling you weren't talking about David Cook. BRENNAN: Booth, I'll tell you all about it one day, but tonight I have to get dressed for a party. BOOTH: Oh. Okay, Bones. [He moves to leave.] BRENNAN: By the way, there's a huge ding in my passenger-side door because you told me not to park it at an angle. BOOTH (laughing): What? BRENNAN: Okay, that's just mean. You're mean. BOOTH (still laughing as he exits): Sorry. [Cut to: Lab. Goodman enters, where Angela, Zack, and Hodgins are already standing. With the exception of the latter, they are all dressed in formal attire.] GOODMAN: That is not a tuxedo, Dr. Hodgins. HODGINS: I am not going, Dr. Goodman. GOODMAN: You are going. [He sticks a nametag in Hodgins' lab coat pocket.] GOODMAN: When we arrive, the donor's will all be wearing nametags. [He hands a nametag to Zack.] ZACK: What do we talk about? GOODMAN: Your work, of course. [He moves to Angela.] ANGELA: Zack's work consists of removing flesh from corpses. Hodgins dissects bugs that have been eating people's eyeballs. HODGINS: Leave me out of it. I'm not going. GOODMAN: And how do you see your job? ANGELA: I draw death masks. GOODMAN: Is that really how you see it? ANGELA: Don't you? GOODMAN: You are the best of us, Miss Montenegro. You discern humanity in the wreck of a ruined human body. You give victims back their faces, their identities. You remind us all of why we're here in the first place. Because we treasure human life. [She pauses for a moment before stepping forward and wrapping Dr. Goodman in a hug.] GOODMAN: Oh, for God's sake. [Brennan enters in a formal dress.] BRENNAN: What happened? ZACK: Apparently all Angela needed was to hear her job description in a deep, African-American tone. GOODMAN (scolding): Mr. Addy. [Booth enters.] BOOTH: Dr. Goodman, we need Hodgins in the lab tonight. [He hands an evidence bag of dirt to Hodgins.] BOOTH: FBI needs this analyzed by morning. HODGINS: Uh, I'll get right on it. GOODMAN: Wait a minute, what case file is this? BRENNAN: Am I supposed to know about it? ANGELA: Booth mentioned it to me earlier today. BRENNAN: That's good enough for me. GOODMAN (conceding): Fine. You're off the hook, Dr. Hodgins. Let's not keep the limo waiting. [He leaves, and Angela and Zack exit with him.] HODGINS (to Booth): Thanks. [Hodgins exits as well, and Starsailor's 'Some of Us' starts playing again.] BOOTH: You look nice. Better than nice, you look, uh... very... BRENNAN: Thanks. BOOTH: Bones, how did you know I was gonna keep your promise? BRENNAN: What promise? BOOTH: To get Shawn and David back with Margaret Sanders. BRENNAN: Maybe I was lying. To catch the bad guy. I learned that trick from you. The end justifies the means. [Booth moves to leave.] BRENNAN: Booth. [He stops, turns back.] BRENNAN: I knew you'd back me up. I knew you wouldn't make me a liar. BOOTH: Hmm. How did you know? BRENNAN: Because you want to go to heaven. BOOTH: But you don't believe in heaven. BRENNAN: But you do. [They smile at each other, and part ways.] [Fade to black.]

Brennan, working hard on her latest novel, is enlisted by Booth to help locate and identify the remains of Charlie, a 6-year-old who went missing from a local park. Brennan determines that Charlie was sexually assaulted before he was murdered, which leads Booth to conclude they're on the hunt for a serial pedophile. When the prime suspect is eliminated, Booth and Brennan pay a heartbreaking visit to Charlie's mother, Margaret, to inform her that Charlie's killer is still on the loose. Suspicion creates uncertainty - among even the people closest to Charlie - and Brennan and Booth must investigate all leads, no matter whom the information points to.

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EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/CAR SPEEDS ALONG THE ROAD AND INTO THE WATER) (SFX: HUGE SPLASH) [SCENE_BREAK] UNDERWATER - NIGHT (MUSIC OVER ACTION/CAR SINKS TO THE LAKE FLOOR) (FADE OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS) TONY: No, for the twenty third time. (SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS) KATE: Are you going to answer that? TONY: I'm in hell, Kate. KATE: Well, do they have money there? Because you owe me... forty three dollars and eighty six cents for lunch this week. TONY: I will gladly pay you today if you'll answer this call for me. KATE: Yeah? Who is it? TONY: Crazy ex-girlfriend. Haven't seen her since college. KATE: Stalker? TONY: More like a stalk-him. KATE: What do you want me to say to her? TONY: I don't know. Tell her you're my wife or something. She's been calling nonstop for two days. So I'm begging you here, Kate. Please. KATE: You pay me back today. TONY: Sure. KATE: (INTO PHONE) Hello? Me? Oh, I am Tony's wife. Uh, yes. We got married a few years ago. (WHISPERS TO TONY) We have kids? (INTO PHONE) Two. Yes. And we're very, very happy. So please don't call back again. (TO TONY) I feel like I need a shower. (HANGS UP PHONE) TONY: Pay the lady, Probie. MCGEE: He bet me forty dollars he could get you to say you're his wife today. KATE: Tony, I'm going to kill you. GIBBS: DiNozzo, pull the case file on Lieutenant Brian McAllister. TONY: McAllister? We going after more treasure hunters, boss? MCGEE: Treasure hunters? TONY: Before your time, Probie. McAllister disappeared two years ago. His family offered a million dollar reward to anyone who could find him. KATE: I had a few friends in the Secret Service who used to work that case on the weekends. TONY: It was the Holy Grail for every amateur detective on the East coast, Kate. MCGEE: So what happened? TONY: Nothing - cold case. GIBBS: Not anymore. CINDY AMES: (ON TV) Thousands have searched for the heir to the McAllister Industries' fortune. Each hoping to collect the one million dollar reward offered by his famous family. Today, private investigator Monroe Cooper believes he's one step closer to solving the mystery. Mister Cooper, is it true that you have finally found Brian McAllister? (SFX: TV CLICKS OFF) MCGEE: Whoa. Whoa. Boss, that was... that was Monroe Cooper! The man who can solve the unsolvable. He's a... a famous detective. GIBBS: Do I look like I care, McGee? MCGEE: No. GIBBS: Grab your gear. We're going to Black Lake. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. VAN - MOVING KATE: Lieutenant Brian McAllister, graduated Annapolis in ninety-seven, third in his class. He vanished somewhere between October fourth and the seventh, two thousand and two. No leads. TONY: Thing I don't get is why a guy worth millions would join the military in the first place. GIBBS: You think money has anything to do with patriotism, DiNozzo? TONY: No, I'm just saying if I were rich, you know, I would do nothing. KATE: I thought your parents were loaded. TONY: They are. KATE: So why do you work for the government then? GIBBS: Because they know what their son would do with the money. TONY: I can't even get an advance on the will, Kate. GIBBS: Hey, McGee! MCGEE: Yeah, boss? GIBBS: What about that private dick, Cooper? MCGEE: Yeah. Uh... he's a former NYPD detective, works mostly for insurance companies and celebrities now. He makes a lot of money solving cases like this. Guy's a... he's kind of a cross between Columbo and Sherlock Holmes. (SFX: VAN HITS A POTHOLE) KATE: You know, we really should get a seat belt back there. Hey! What the hell are you doing? TONY: I'm looking for my fork. KATE: Well I can guarantee you...it is not there! [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BLACK LAKE - DAY GIBBS: Tony, grab the gear. See if McGee's still alive. TONY: On it, Boss. GIBBS: Special Agent Gibbs, Todd, NCIS. LESTER: We've been waiting for you to show up. Sheriff Deke Lester. That detective fella, Cooper, he thinks that missing McAllister kid's in there somewhere. GIBBS: Yeah. Is he? LESTER: I can't say, but my divers found a Chrysler convertible sitting on the bottom. KATE: Lieutenant McAllister owned a Chrysler convertible. Disappeared with him, Gibbs. LESTER: I'm fixing to pull it out. Once we ID the vehicle we can decide on who's got jurisdiction. GIBBS: Works for me, Sheriff. Where is Cooper? LESTER: I don't rightly know. I imagine he's off detecting or something. RADIO: (V.O./FILTERED) Hey Deke, we've got the chains set here. LESTER: Let's haul her up. RADIO: (V.O./FILTERED) Yes, Sir. LESTER: You ready to see what we caught, Agent Gibbs? [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. TRUCK - DAY TONY: Hurry it up, Probie. MCGEE: You sure this is necessary? I kind of feel like a dork. TONY: You are a dork. No no no no. Bad move. MCGEE: What? TONY: If Gibbs catches you reading instead of working, you're history. MCGEE: It's not for reading. I'm hoping I can get Detective Cooper to sign it. The lead character in the book is based on him. TONY: "Celebrity P.I.?" Never heard of it. No! MCGEE: I'm not surprised you haven't heard of it. There's no pictures in it. TONY: Did you say something, Probie? MCGEE: Yeah. I'm not a dork. TONY: Whatever you say, Sponge Bob. (SFX: HOIST) LESTER: Take it slow now, Charlie! TONY: I think it's safe to say that car's not going to run again. LESTER: All right, hold it right there. GIBBS: All right, Kate. KATE: The Lieutenant's tags, Gibbs. LESTER: Congratulations, looks like you found your missing sailor. GIBBS: Not yet. COOPER: I think you'll find that pile of bones is McAllister, Special Agent... GIBBS: Gibbs. And I'll wait for my M.E. to determine that. COOPER: Oh of course. Monroe Cooper. GIBBS: (READS) The man who solves the unsolvable. COOPER: So you've heard of me? GIBBS: No. It's on your card. COOPER: My publicist's idea. Works great with the yokels. GIBBS: How'd you track this vehicle to Black Lake? COOPER: Leg work. Luck. My gut. GIBBS: Does it say that on your card, too? COOPER: I have a policy, Agent Gibbs. You share information with me, and I share it with you. We have a deal? GIBBS: That kind of goes against my policy, Cooper. COOPER: Which is? GIBBS: Throw people in jail who obstruct my investigations. COOPER: Uh-huh. I'll try to keep that in mind. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. NCIS AUTOPSY ROOM - NIGHT DUCKY: Well the dental records are conclusive, Jethro. This is our missing Lieutenant. GIBBS: Any idea how he died? DUCKY: After two years in the water? Difficult to say. Do you suspect foul play? GIBBS: Oh, you know me, Duck. I suspect everything. DUCKY: Yes, an admirable trait in an investigator. And also the reason your three marriages ended in divorce. GIBBS: Oh yeah? All these years I thought it was because I was a b*st*rd. DUCKY: Well, of course, that didn't help. There is evidence of hairline fracture on the frontal lobe of the skull. GIBBS: Cause? DUCKY: Well, it's consistent with most vehicle accidents, possibly from contact with the steering column. GIBBS: What about drugs? DUCKY: Well, in this state, a toxicological screen would be useless. However, drugs are a possibility. GIBBS: Too many of those, Duck. Too many. DUCKY: Well, my current opinion is that Lieutenant McAllister met with a tragic accident. Most likely he drowned. GIBBS: Keep looking. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN/ CLOSED) DUCKY: Your last boy, Yurich. JIMMY: Did you meet any of his wives? DUCKY: I introduced him to the last one. JIMMY: Really? What went wrong? DUCKY: It's difficult to say, Mister Palmer. She doesn't talk to me anymore. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS GARAGE - DAY TONY: (LAUGHS LIGHTLY) You know what movie this reminds me of, Kate? KATE: The Wizard of Oz? ABBY: I'll get you, my pretty! TONY: No. I meant the one they make you watch in high school. Thirty minutes of cops pulling dead teenagers out of car wrecks. ABBY: Oh, my god! I love those! Blood on the Highway. Drink, Drive, Die! I keep hoping they're going to release them on DVD. TONY: Yeah, me too. ABBY: Yeah. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) GIBBS: What do we have? TONY: Ah hey boss. I found a suitcase in back. Looks like he packed enough for about a weekend. Dive team will be back with the stuff from the debris field in a few hours. GIBBS: Abs? ABBY: The brake lines are corroded, but they're intact. Something's stuck. Whoa. Hey, Kate. I've got a present for you. I think it's one of your ex-boyfriends. TONY: It's a cold fish! Get it, Kate? MCGEE: I don't think this was an accident. It's a bullet. GIBBS: McAllister was murdered. (FADE OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. LAB - DAY (SFX: MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY B.G.) (MUSIC CLICKS OFF) GIBBS: Your speakers are broken. ABBY: Oh, Gibbs. That was the best part of the song. GIBBS: Correction. Your ears are broken. What did the divers find? ABBY: Actually, it's more like what didn't they find. My theory is they're getting paid by the piece. They recovered everything within a twenty meter radius of the vehicle. Sunglasses, golfballs, Rick James eight-track, typewriter. I didn't see any point in bringing the Maytag up from the evidence lockup. GIBBS: Anything to do with the case? ABBY: As a matter of fact, found directly beneath the vehicle... can you hear me now? I might be able to recover some data from the memory chip. GIBBS: What about the bullet we brought up from the wreck last night? ABBY: Forty five caliber, two hundred and thirty grain hardball. Lots and lots of stopping power. The grooving matches a Colt forty-five, old-school military version. GIBBS: Did you work up a trajectory, yet? ABBY: Of course. The bullet's entry angle into the side of the door is obvious as Anna Nicole's implants. GIBBS: Who? ABBY: You know, married that old guy? Had a TV show? Got fat, got thin, got fat, got thin, fat, thin-- GIBBS: Stop! ABBY: So using that angle, I back-traced the trajectory. The bullet traveled on this path. So unless he was driving with his feet from the backseat, which is something that I have tried but do not recommend... GIBBS: Abby? ABBY: The round had to have gone through McAllister's body. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY DUCKY: It's entirely possible, Jethro, but if Abby's animation is correct, the bullet passed clean through the thoracic cavity. Unfortunately, without leaving any evidence of its passing. GIBBS: Hell of a shot. DUCKY: Yeah. GIBBS: The vehicle had to be going over seventy to end up where we found it in the lake. DUCKY: Well, at that speed a bullet passing through the ribcage without so much as glancing a single bone... huh! A hell of a shot, indeed. GIBBS: More like impossible. Thank you, Duck. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) JIMMY: Doctor? DUCKY: He means the vehicle was stationary when Lieutenant McAllister was shot, Mister Palmer. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: (V.O.) Lieutenant McAllister was last seen in Norfolk on a Friday. Then found three hundred miles away in Black Lake, Virginia. (ON CAMERA) Which would make sense if he was heading here to the McAllister Family compound in Shenandoah. MCGEE: So he was heading home for the weekend? KATE: Another twenty miles and he would have made it, McGee. GIBBS: DiNozzo? TONY: TONY: McAllister's military records are spotless, Boss. Been running background on his family. Mother died in ninety three. Father passed away in two thousand two... three months after the Lieutenant disappeared. The only surviving next of kin is this guy. Thomas McAllister, his younger brother. (CONT.) Washed out of Annapolis freshman year. Arrested a bunch of times for suspected DWI and marijuana possession. Never convicted. KATE: Figures, the rich never are. TONY: Even richer now, Kate. He inherited everything. He's currently the CEO of his own airline. MCGEE: The Good Son and the Bad Seed. KATE: Very Biblical. TONY: The Navy notified him last night about his brother. CACO said he took it pretty well. NCIS WORKER: Lunch! KATE: Oh, thank you. I took the liberty of ordering lunch today. Something healthy for once. There you are. They're tofu veggie wraps. They're good, Tony. Abby and I eat them all the time. GIBBS: DiNozzo, track down the bad seed. I want to know what he was doing around the time his brother disappeared. TONY: Yeah, I already set up an interview for later this afternoon, Boss. GIBBS: Take Kate. McGee, contact Cooper. I want to know how he found that vehicle. MCGEE: So we're going to cooperate with him? GIBBS: No, McGee, he's going to cooperate with me. KATE: I'll be right back. I'm just going to run this down to Abby. Enjoy. (SFX: ALL THROW VEGGIE WRAPS IN TRASH CAN) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. HANGAR - DAY (SFX: CAR DOORS CLOSE) KATE: Beyond first class? You gotta be kidding me. You might as well call it Rich Jackass Airways. TONY: I think it sounds cool. KATE: You would. TONY: What's that supposed to mean? KATE: Nothing, Rockefeller. TONY: Oh, I get it. So because I grew up with money that somehow makes me bad. Very deep. KATE: Well, it's better than having to work everyday like I had to. TONY: Listen, do you think money makes life easier? Huh? Everything was just a big ol' cakewalk for little Anthony DiNozzo? You tell me, Kate, because I really want to know. KATE: I'm sorry, Tony. I didn't mean anything by it. TONY: Because do you want to know the answer to your question? Yes. Money makes a huge difference. Huge. I miss it every single day of my life so much it makes me want to cry. KATE: You're pathetic. TONY: It's part of my charm. KATE: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HANGAR - DAY TONY: All right, let's find this little twinkle toes .... Hey, there. We're looking for your boss, Thomas McAllister. Is he around? THOMAS: You'll have to hold on a second. Could you pass me that socket wrench, please, Miss? KATE: Is he even here or shall we stop by a country club or something? THOMAS: I'm Tom McAllister. TONY: Agents Todd, DiNozzo. NCIS. KATE: Do you always work on your own planes, Mister McAllister? THOMAS: Whenever I can find time in my busy social schedule down at the club, Agent Todd. KATE: I'm sorry about that. I didn't... THOMAS: It's fine. You would have been right a couple years ago. And please, call me Tom. KATE: Kate. So, do you own all these planes? THOMAS: Me and the bank. That's my new one out there. I plan on taking it for a test flight today if you're interested. TONY: You don't seem too broken up for a guy who just lost his brother, Tom. THOMAS: I've known he's been dead for quite some time, Agent DiNozzo. The first week you expect a ransom note. After a month you pray. A year... you just know. KATE: When was the last time you talked to your brother? THOMAS: About three months before the accident. Would you believe we grew up fishing at Black Lake? TONY: The thing is it wasn't an accident. THOMAS: The Navy, they said... TONY: Your brother was murdered. THOMAS: Are you absolutely positive about that? KATE: He was shot on the weekend of October fourth, two thousand two. I'm sorry. TONY: Considering his body was found dumped twenty miles from your house, we'd like to know where you were the weekend he disappeared? THOMAS: Me? I was at home. TONY: Anyone who can verify that? THOMAS: I was with my father. TONY: Let me rephrase. Is there anyone who can verify that is still alive? THOMAS: No. Are you saying you think I did it? KATE: We're just following up on any leads we can, Tom. THOMAS: Of course. Whatever I can do to help. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY MCGEE: I can't tell you what an honor this is, Sir. Thank you. COOPER: Don't believe everything you read in the book, kid. It's called fiction for a reason. MCGEE: I actually write a little myself. Is there any truth to the rumor that S.E. Eckhart is in fact you? COOPER: If I was a bestselling author, would I be crawling through the swamps of Virginia searching for reward money? MCGEE: No, I guess not. COOPER: Damn straight. Now tell me about your boss. Is he always such a hardass? MCGEE: Agent Gibbs? He's a lot like you, actually. In fact, the main character in my book is based on him. COOPER: Oh, yeah. I hope you got a better deal than I got. MCGEE: He doesn't know it... yet. GIBBS: Don't know what, McGee? COOPER: What a great guy I am, Gibbs. GIBBS: You ready to tell me how you found McAllister? COOPER: You ready to tell me what you pulled out of his car and his corpse? GIBBS: Depends. COOPER: On what? GIBBS: How bad you want that million dollar reward. COOPER: Oh, considering how I don't collect 'til you put the murderer behind bards, oh, you got me by the short hairs here, Gibbs. Yeah. I figured the Lieutenant headed home that weekend. But the back road that he liked to drive... I think it was washed out. Here, take a look at these weather patterns. I spent nine weeks getting these from the National Weather Service. Every Doppler readout, every satellite image I could find. Pocket of storms, real tight, near the road. MCGEE: Enough to swell that creek alongside? COOPER: Yeah, but only on that side of the mountain, kid. My educated guess? I think McAllister doubled back, took this road to the other side where the storm hadn't reached yet. See, the locals only use that road when there are bad storms. MCGEE: It's right along Black Lake, Boss. COOPER: I figured if somebody wanted to kill him, they had to know the roads and the weather the way McAllister did. And they'd have to know he was coming. Am I right? (SFX: ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE OPEN) TONY: I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself. KATE: What? TONY: Kate Todd acting like a high school girl with a crush. KATE: He's not a murderer, Tony. TONY: I'm sorry, were you using the new NCIS magical murderer detector back there? KATE: My gut. TONY: Ah. If you were a guy, I would say you were using-- KATE: Don't even say it if you want to live! GIBBS: What did Thomas McAllister have to say? KATE: He hadn't heard from his brother in three months. TONY: Definitely hiding something, boss. KATE: My best guess, it was grief. There's no way he's involved, Gibbs. GIBBS: Abs, what do you have? KATE: The last three calls that came in on the phone from the lake were all made on Friday, October fourth. GIBBS: Yeah? KATE: And they were all from his brother, Thomas McAllister. Sorry, Kate. (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS GARAGE - DAY (SFX: TRUNK CLOSES) COOPER: This McAllister family's got more skeletons than a North Korean prison camp, Gibbs. That's everything I turned up. Six months of leg work. Is it okay to smoke in here, sweetheart? KATE: It's Agent Todd, and no, Detective Cooper. It's a federal office building. COOPER: It's a wonder you guys catch anybody working under these conditions. KATE: We manage. GIBBS: This supposed to be in some sort of order? COOPER: The order is up here, Gibbs. And I'll be glad to lay it out for you once you tell me what you found in that wreck. GIBBS: Lieutenant McAllister was shot. COOPER: How many times? KATE: At least once. COOPER: You get the round? GIBBS: It was recovered from the passenger-side door. COOPER: Uh-huh. Pistol, huh? Rifle would go clear through. GIBBS: Forty five. COOPER: Ah. Car must have been stopped. He was approached, but not alarmed. Know his attacker? One shot, point blank. Blam. Poor sap never saw it coming. You know how, Gibbs. Want to know why? (SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN) TONY: Ow! Angle your end down, Probie. MCGEE: I told you we should have taken the legs off. TONY: Ow! Ow! I said down! What does Cooper need this thing for anyway? MCGEE: He's old school. It's part of his process. He has solved every case he's taken on, Tony. How many detectives do you know with a hundred percent batting average? TONY: You mean besides Gibbs?(SFX: TONY AND MCGEE STRUGGLE TO MOVE THE TABLE) TONY: Finally. GIBBS: Change of plans. We're doing this upstairs. (SFX: ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE CLOSED) MCGEE: Maybe we should take the stairs. TONY: Maybe you should take the legs off like I told you to. I'm going to take the stairs. MCGEE: I'm the one who said that-- TONY: Ah! Ah! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY COOPER: Elaine McAllister, the mother. Into the occult in a big way. Psychic, séances, all that weird sh-stuff. She dies in ninety three, the family falls apart. GIBBS: How? COOPER: The old man. He took it pretty hard. He decided he was going to contact the dead wife. Starts neglecting the family business. GIBBS: What do you mean by make contact? COOPER: He consults this space cadet, Saleena Lockhart. Claimed to be a psychic. KATE: I've heard of her. She used to have that tabloid astrology column. TONY: I don't buy it. KATE: Astrology? TONY: No, you reading tabloids. COOPER: She weasels her way into the old man's life. Next thing you know she's practically running it. McAllister Avionics starts to slide until it's almost bankrupt by two thousand. GIBBS: How much money did he leave her? COOPER: You're quick, Gibbs. Almost ten million. He changed his will two weeks after the Lieutenant went missing. The surviving brother, still fighting it in court. TONY: She's kind of like Anna Nicole. COOPER: Who? GIBBS: That's what I said. McGee, run a background on this whack job. I want to know where she is right now. MCGEE: On it, boss. COOPER: I know what you're thinking. She didn't do it, Gibbs. This is a smoking gun. Thomas McAllister had a plan to save the family's fortune. He wanted to get out of avionics and into his own airline. And it's a good plan, but it involved leveraging every remaining asset the McAllister's had. The brother didn't agree. GIBBS: The Lieutenant was cashing out of the company? COOPER: And going his own way. This is the contract divesting him of all family business. GIBBS: How'd you get this? COOPER: You don't want to know. What you want to do is look at the date. GIBBS: October fifth, two thousand two. COOPER: The weekend he vanished. Luckily for the little brother, he didn't sign the contract. GIBBS: I don't believe in luck. COOPER: Neither do I. So when are you bringing McAllister in? GIBBS: I'm not. COOPER: What?! But it's all there! Motive, opportunity, the calls on the Lieutenant's cell phone. GIBBS: When you were a cop, did you let civilians lay out your cases? Or did you work them yourself? COOPER: NCIS has had this case for two years. How long am I supposed to wait? GIBBS: 'Till I'm done! You are looking for the reward. I am looking for a killer. COOPER: Thomas McAllister is your man, trust me! GIBBS: I don't trust anyone either. Kate, how is your rapport with McAllister? TONY: She's got more than a rapport, boss. GIBBS: Well, good. Call him. You're having dinner with him tonight. KATE: What if he says no? TONY: The way he was looking at you? I think you're going to be the one saying no. GIBBS: McGee, you find my psychic yet? MCGEE: I have her business address. It's a TV talk show set in D.C. She's there now. GIBBS: DiNozzo, you're with me. Hey Cooper! I trust you can find your way out. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. SOUND STAGE - DAY TONY: You believe in any of this psychic stuff? GIBBS: No, you? TONY: Ah, used one on a case in Baltimore once. Lead us right to this kidnapped five year old girl. GIBBS: Is that a fact? TONY: Yeah. How do you explain it? GIBBS: Simple. She was probably in on it. ASSISTANT: (V.O.) Rolling! GIBBS: Special Agent Gibbs and DiNozzo, NCIS. We're looking to find Saleena Lockhart. ASSISTANT: Yeah, she's inside, but you can't go in. Hey! Hey, wait! They're still shooting! Damn! (GIBBS AND TONY ENTER THE STAGE) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. STAGE - DAY SALEENA: And your grandfather wants you to know that he will always be with you, Sally. Always. (SFX: SALLY CRIES) (SFX: APPLAUSE) SALLY PARKER: Thank you so much, Saleena. SALEENA: And remember, look and you shall see, listen and you will hear. Our departed loved ones still have much to teach us. (SFX: APPLAUSE) TONY: Huh. You think this is how they do it on the Oprah Show? GIBBS: Never believe what you see on TV. SALEENA: Until next time, I'm Saleena Lockhart. STAGE MANAGER: And cut! (SFX: BELL) SALEENA: Look and you shall see... spelled S-E-A? What kind of third grader is writing these cue cards!? STAGE MANAGER: Just give us ten minutes and we'll shoot it again. SALEENA: I am financing this pilot with my own money. I can't afford another of your ten minutes! SALLY PARKER: If anybody needs me, I'll be in craft service. SALEENA: Make sure you save some for the rest of the crew. What?! ASSISTANT: There are two guys here to see you. I tried to stop them. Sorry. GIBBS: Special Agents... SALEENA: Gibbs and DiNozzo from NCIS. How may I help you? GIBBS: You're the psychic. You tell me. SALEENA: Brian McAllister. You found his remains in Black Lake. TONY: Wow, she's good, Boss. GIBBS: It's on the news, DiNozzo. SALEENA: I told Brian's father that I felt Brian was in a cold, dark place. GIBBS: You can say that. He was murdered. SALEENA: Yes. Yes, he told me. TONY: Who? SALEENA: Brian. We connected through a passage on the other side. GIBBS: Passage? That's what you call it? SALEENA: You look skeptical. Oh, that's okay. You don't have to believe. TONY: So did he tell you who did it? SALEENA: It doesn't work that way, Agent DiNozzo. Can I get a green tea, please? GIBBS: How does it work? SALEENA: Well, I get impressions, feelings. I don't get specific details. GIBBS: Do you have any feeling about his father including you in his will? SALEENA: I didn't ask him. GIBBS: I'm not a psychic, but considering he was a fighter pilot, I'd say he'd be pretty pissed off about it. SALEENA: Your point, Agent Gibbs? GIBBS: Where were you the weekend Lieutenant McAllister was murdered? SALEENA: Luray. Luray Caverns. I was hosting a spiritual retreat. TONY: Luray? Hey boss, isn't that about fifteen miles from Black Lake? GIBBS: Can you tell me what I'm thinking now, Miss Lockhart? SALEENA: I don't have to be a psychic to tell that. Could we discuss this outside please? Your energy is disrupting my set. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. SOUND STAGE - DAY SALEENA: Look, I had nothing to do with Brian's disappearance. You should talk to his brother. GIBBS: Yeah? Why is that? SALEENA: Thomas was the black sheep, and he hated Brian. I may be many things, Agent Gibbs, but I am not a murderer. GIBBS: But you talk to dead people. SALEENA: I have over a dozen people who can verify my whereabouts on that weekend. One of them is a senator. TONY: We'll need their names. SALEENA: My lawyer will get them to you. Now, is there something else I can do for you? (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS KNOCKS SALEENA TO THE GROUND) (SFX: GUNSHOTS) GIBBS: You didn't see that one coming, did you? TONY: Sonovabitch! GIBBS: Did you get a license number? TONY: Yeah, I got one. GIBBS: That's a good job, Tony. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB - DAY ABBY: It's definitely from a forty-five round, guys. Just give me a sec to line up the rifling patterns. GIBBS: You run the plates? ABBY: Came back stolen. TONY: Figures. ABBY: The markings are a match. It's from the same pistol that killed Lieutenant McAllister two years ago. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. NCIS HEADQUARTERS - DAY TONY: Why don't we just drag McAllister in for questioning, Boss? GIBBS: Because his lawyers make more in one hour than you make all week. TONY: That's an excellent point. So you're saying I deserve a raise? Or not. GIBBS: We need more than circumstantial evidence to take McAllister down. TONY: I agree. But what do we get out of Kate going on a date with him? GIBBS: I get to search his house for that Colt forty-five without him knowing. TONY: And if it turns out he's our murderer? GIBBS: That's why you're going with her. KATE: I'm meeting him at the airport in twenty minutes, Gibbs. GIBBS: Hey, I need you to distract him for at least two hours so we can search his house. KATE: Shouldn't be a problem. He already invited me to dinner. (LONG BEAT) So, how do I look? TONY: Eh. KATE: What do you mean, eh? TONY: I mean... yeah. You look fine. What's wrong with fine? KATE: I'm going for hot here, Tony. TONY: Well, in that case, do you mind? MCGEE: Boss, I got the search warrant. GIBBS: Yeah, you're with me. Get your things. TONY: Yeah, now that...that is hot. GIBBS: Are you two done playing dress-up? KATE AND TONY: (IN UNISON) Done. GIBBS: All right, get moving. I want a comm check in fifteen minutes. KATE: On it. GIBBS: Hey Kate, you looked better the other way. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. HANGAR - NIGHT TONY: (V.O.) How do you read me, Kate? (V.O./FILTERED) Say again? KATE: (V.O.) I said (ON CAMERA) loud and clear. TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Slide the mic... (ON CAMERA) closer to your throat, please. KATE: How's that? TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Crystal. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HANGAR - NIGHT (DOOR CLOSES) KATE: Hello? Hello? THOMAS: Kate. Whoa, do I feel underdressed. KATE: Well - when you said dinner...? THOMAS: Hey, I'm not complaining. You look fantastic. KATE: Thank you. So where are we going? THOMAS: Actually, I thought we might stay here. If you survive my cooking, there's a few things I'd like to tell you about my big brother. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. MCALLISTER HOME - NIGHT MCGEE: Uh... Boss? Where are we going? GIBBS: We're going around back, McGee. (SFX: MCGEE RATTLES THE DOORKNOB) MCGEE: It's locked, Boss. GIBBS: Well, yeah, McGee. That's kind of the point of having doors. MCGEE: The last two times I encountered a situation like this, Tony threw a rock through a window, Kate climbed in a second story window. GIBBS: Huh. You don't say. (DOOR OPENS) GIBBS: Let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HANGAR - NIGHT THOMAS: I wasn't entirely truthful this afternoon, Kate. When you come from the type of family I did, you get used to keeping secrets. KATE: What kind of secrets? THOMAS: My parents were always a bit eccentric. When my mom died, my Dad pretty much lost it. KATE: He started talking to dead people? THOMAS: You've been checking up on me. KATE: It's my job, Tom. THOMAS: At first I thought it was harmless. But the psychic he was seeing, she started manipulating him, really cutting him off from the rest of the family. KATE: Saleena Lockhart. THOMAS: Really checking up on me. KATE: What did your brother think of her? THOMAS: He didn't. Brian was too busy with his Naval career. He wasn't around to see the damage she was doing. KATE: Somebody tried to kill her today. THOMAS: I thought about it myself more than once. KATE: A lot of people think it was you. THOMAS: What do you think, Kate? KATE: Well I'm here, aren't I? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MCALLISTER HOME - NIGHT (SFX: DOOR OPENS B.G.) (DOOR OPENS QUICKLY) GIBBS: NCIS!! COOPER: Hey, do you mind? GIBBS: Cooper, what are you doing here? COOPER: Same thing you are. GIBBS: I have a warrant. COOPER: Are you going to arrest me? GIBBS: It depends. COOPER: On what? GIBBS: What you found. COOPER: I'm hoping a million dollars. I checked all the local counties. Thomas McAllister doesn't own any handguns. But his old man? Bit of a gun nut. Even owns a Colt forty-five. GIBBS: Recently fired. (SFX: TELEPHONE BEEP TONES) (BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) (SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS) TONY: (INTO PHONE) DiNozzo. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Tony. TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Yeah, Boss. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Take him down. TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) I'm on it. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HANGAR - NIGHT THOMAS: I called Brian the weekend he went missing. I was trying to get him to come home, talk some sense into Dad. He said he'd think about it. KATE: Why would you lie to us about it? THOMAS: Because I thought that I was responsible for his death. KATE: Were you? THOMAS: When they found his car in Black Lake, I thought he finally decided to listen to me for once. The roads in Hastings are deathtraps in the daytime... at night, when you're tired? KATE: You thought it was an accident? THOMAS: Until you told me he was murdered. Only one person stood to gain from his death, Saleena Lockhart. KATE: Unfortunately, there is one more. (SFX: THOMAS OPENS THE CONTRACT) THOMAS: He never would have signed this. TONY: Thomas McAllister. You're under arrest for the murder of your brother. THOMAS: So I guess dessert is out of the question. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY GIBBS: Are you okay? KATE: I'm fine. GIBBS: You don't look fine. ABBY: I hope I'm getting overtime for this, Gibbs, because I'm missing my cousin's birthday. GIBBS: Were they a match? ABBY: It's the same weapon that killed the Lieutenant and shot up the makeup trailer today. GIBBS: Thanks, Abs. KATE: Figures. I finally meet a nice guy and he turns out to be a murderer. ABBY: Happens to Tony all the time. Hey, do me a favor, Kate. KATE: What? ABBY: My back is killing me. I'm waiting. And don't shortchange me this time. KATE: You know, your muscles wouldn't be so tight if you stopped drinking all that caffeine crap that Gibbs is always bringing you. ABBY: (V.O.) Oh, but I love the caffeine crap, Kate! GIBBS: Abby, I need you out here! Now! How much time did you spend on this door? ABBY: Um... enough to get the bullet's trajectory. I was going to test for metal fatigue and age in the morning. GIBBS: Do it tonight. ABBY: Why? I mean, I'll have it for you in thirty minutes, Sir. GIBBS: Kate will help. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY MCGEE: Well, it looks like you did it again, Mister Cooper. COOPER: Oh, I'm getting old, kid. I think I'm going to retire after this one. TONY: If you ask me, we should get fifty percent of that million. COOPER: Too bad life ain't fair, DiNozzo. Oh, it's about time. In my day we didn't wait two hours to interrogate someone. TONY: Let me guess, you just beat it out of them? COOPER: Yeah, something like that. THOMAS: (V.O.) I'm sure you hear this a lot. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY THOMAS: I'm innocent, Agent Gibbs. GIBBS: I know. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY COOPER: What the hell kind of interrogation is that? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY GIBBS: You're free to go, Mister McAllister. (DOOR OPENS) (PASSAGE OF TIME) COOPER: It's not enough I do your job for you, now you want to arrest me for it? GIBBS: Ah, we do owe you for finding the Lieutenant for us, Cooper. The problem is, it isn't murder. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY COOPER: Give me a break, Gibbs. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY COOPER: You saw the evidence. GIBBS: I did. Brian McAllister died in a car accident. The bullet fired into his car wasn't from two years ago. (V.O.) The metal around the impact was only recently exposed to water. Two weeks (ON CAMERA) sound about right to you? COOPER: What's this got to do with me? GIBBS: The reward was offered for finding the Lieutenant's killer. In order to collect, you had to manufacture one. COOPER: I don't know what the hell you're talking about. GIBBS: It might have worked. We would have found that gun eventually. But you just couldn't wait. What are you going to do with the money, Cooper? Hmm? Gambling debts? Retirement? Taking those shots at Saleena Lockhart. That was overkill. Too bad we caught you putting it back. COOPER: Yeah? Good luck proving it. GIBBS: Oh, I will. This is an Instant Shooter I.D. Kit. It'll tell me if you fired a gun recently. COOPER: Swab away, Gibbs. There's no gun residue on these hands. GIBBS: Oh, a private dick like you... I'll bet you were wearing gloves. I figure any man who solves the unsolvable needs a trademark. And I'm betting yours is that tacky trench coat. You probably never take it off, huh? (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS PERFORMS THE TEST) GIBBS: If this comes up blue, I've got you for attempted murder. Good luck trying to collect that million dollars. Get up. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY MCGEE: I don't believe it. TONY: Sorry, Probie. I felt the same way when I found out professional wrestling was fake. MCGEE: But he was going to frame an innocent man just for the reward? TONY: It's all about the Benjamins. MCGEE: Sometimes. Not always. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY THOMAS: You up for that dessert now? KATE: At two thirty in the morning? THOMAS: I think I might know a place that's still open. KATE: And where would that be?(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN) THOMAS: New York. Sometimes it's good to own your own airline. TONY: New York? I love New York. KATE: It's a small plane, Tony. THOMAS: Maybe next time. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE SHUT) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. SKY - NIGHT KATE: (V.O.) So you're Catholic, right? (MUSIC OUT)

A Navy officer's body is found in a car pulled from a lake by a celebrity private investigator ( Mike Starr ). The man had been missing for two years, resulting in a considerable bounty coming up for whoever finds out the truth. The PI now wants to claim the reward posted by the family, but the NCIS team must complete the investigation to find the killer before the money is awarded. The case changes from accidental death to suspected murder when McGee discovers a bullet lodged in the car. The team initially suspect that the dead man's brother may be a prime suspect, but forensic evidence suggests an entirely different scenario.

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[Scene: Manor. It's night time. Phoebe walks in. All the lights are turned off.] Phoebe: Hello? Anybody home? Sister witches, guess what? (Phoebe walks in the living room and turns on the light. Piper is there making out with a guy on the couch. She jumps up.) Piper: Oh, oh. Are you nuts? Phoebe: What are you doing? Guy: Hi. Phoebe: Hi. (Piper freezes the guy and walks over to Phoebe.) Piper: Ooh. Phoebe: Hi. Piper: Sister witches? I can't believe you said that. What's the matter with you? Phoebe: How was I supposed to know that you were gonna be here with anybody? Last I heard that you were meeting a banker friend about the loan. (She looks at the guy and then back at Piper.) Is this the credit check? Piper: It's not what you think. We were just... we-we... were just kissing, that's all. Phoebe: Piper, you don't have to justify it. You're single. You're responsible. You're way overdue in the s*x department. I say go for it. Piper: I'm not way overdue. Alright, maybe a little, but that's besides the point. I would never just sleep with a guy to get something. You know that Phoebe: Piper, give yourself a break. You're going through a lot right now. No job, straining to buy the club, you haven't heard from Leo in weeks. (Prue walks in through the front door. She's on her phone.) Prue: Alright, well, the preview is at five and the auction Sunday at eleven. Piper: Oh no, Prue. Go back outside. Go on. Hurry! (Prue looks at them for a second, then goes back outside. Piper stands back next to the guy and he unfreezes.) Guy: So, you must be Prue. (He stands up.) Phoebe: Uh, no. Actually... (Prue comes back inside, still on the phone.) Prue: (on phone) Alright, great, yeah, I'll see you then. (Prue hangs up.) Phoebe: She's Prue. I'm Phoebe. Piper: Rob, can we take a rain check on the rest of the evening? It's getting kind of crowded in here. Rob: Okay, sure. (Rob grabs his coat and heads for the door.) Piper: Yeah. Okay, um, so I'll meet you tomorrow at the club at noon. Great. Thanks for dinner. Rob: Okay, alright. (They kiss.) Bye. Piper: Bye. (Rob leaves. Piper closes the door and turns to her sisters, who are grinning.) Prue: So, did you get the loan? Piper: Hopefully. I'll find out tomorrow. Prue: Well, my fingers are crossed. (Prue and Piper start to leave the room.) Phoebe: Wait, you guys. Where are you going? Prue: Well, I have an auction coming up. I have clients to call. Phoebe: Wait, you guys. Don't you even know what tomorrow is? It's our one year anniversary of becoming witches. Hello? Piper: Tomorrow is? Really? Prue: So... Phoebe: So? So? It's a day to celebrate. And not just because it's our anniversary but because it falls on one of the most powerful wiccan days of the year. The autumnal equinox. Now, according to this witch that I met today at bookstore... Piper: Hold it. A witch? Prue: You didn't tell her about us, did you? Phoebe: Well, yeah, sure I did. Why not? I mean, I didn't tell her that we're magical witches, obviously. Look, I'm sorry but I think after everything we've been through it's important to learn as much as we can about who we are. Forewarned is forearmed. Prue: And I think that we should leave well enough alone. I mean, we've been demon-free for over a month now, I'd like to keep it that away. Piper: Amen to that. (Prue and Piper walk out of the room.) [Scene: Manor. Attic. The next morning. The Book Of Shadows opens up by itself and the pages start to flip. Phoebe races in.] Phoebe: Prue! Piper! (Prue and Piper come in.) Prue: What's going on? Phoebe: Uh, I don't know! Piper: Why does the book do that? How does the book do that? (They go over to the Book and look at the page it opens up to.) Phoebe: "Rite of passage. Fight it with the Power of one or else..." (A vortex opens in the wall and a gust of wind blows through the attic. A demon is sitting in the vortex. Prue hesitates to use her power and the demon steals the Book. The vortex closes.) Piper: What the hell was that? Phoebe: The Book Of Shadows? Where's the Book of Shadows? Piper: So much for being demon-free. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are there. Prue and Piper are picking up pieces of paper that blew across the room. Phoebe is knocking on the wall where the vortex opened.] Piper: Did you find anything? Phoebe: Nothing. But whatever it was literally came out of nowhere and disappeared into nowhere. Piper: Well, it took the Book of Shadows somewhere. And he's powerful too. No other demons been able to steal the book. Prue: But if he's so powerful, why didn't he kill us? Phoebe: He probably didn't want to go up against you. Prue: Me? What do you mean? Phoebe: That's what the Book of Shadows says. Fight it with The Power of One. That's gotta mean your power. It's the strongest. Prue: Says who? Phoebe: Says every demon or warlock we've ever gone up against. Piper: She's right, Prue. The power of one's gotta mean you, otherwise it would've said the Power of Three. The only question is how are we gonna find this demon. We don't know anything about him. Phoebe: Well, we better think of something fast because without the Book of Shadows, we're not the Charmed Ones anymore. (The doorbell rings.) [Cut to downstairs. Phoebe is coming down the stairs.] Phoebe: Coming. (She walks into the foyer and opens the door. A 16-year old girls stands there.) Uh, hi... Jenny: Can I use your phone, please? Phoebe: Uh, well, actually, we're... Jenny: Please? It's an emergency. Please? Phoebe: Okay. Come on in. It's right around that corner. (The girl walks in and picks up the phone. Prue and Piper walk in the foyer.) Piper: (to Phoebe) Are you out of your mind? Phoebe: What was I supposed to do? Say no? Look at that poor girl. (They look at her.) Dan: (outside) Jenny? Jenny, come on. Talk to me. (A cute guy in his late 20's let's himself inside.) Prue, Piper and Phoebe: Whoa! Jenny: (on phone) International Operator please. Saudi Arabia. Prue: Saudi Arabia? Dan: I'm sorry. We're moving in next door. Or at least we're trying to. Our phone's not hooked up yet. Phoebe: So, you're our new neighbours? Dan: Name's Dan. Uh, Dan Gordon. Jenny: (on phone) I don't care if the circuits are busy. I have to talk to my mum. Dan: And that's my niece Jenny. Who's obviously not talking to me. Jenny, sweetie, come on. (Jenny hangs up and storms outside.) Dan: I'm sorry. It's nice meeting you. Phoebe: You too. (Dan leaves.) I saw him first! Piper: Demons now, drooling later. Prue: Look, I have to meet my client before the preview. (Prue starts to leave.) Phoebe: Oh, wait a minute. The scariest demon we've ever run across opens up some portal in our attic, and steals the Book of Shadows and you want to go into the office? (Prue nods and walks away.) Phoebe: Wh- (She turns to Piper) What's the matter with her? Piper: It's the first demon she's faced since Andy died. Maybe it's bringing up some bad memories. [Scene: On another plane. The demon that stole the Book of Shadows turns to the back of the Book and reads a spell backwards.] [Scene: Park. Witches have gathered for the Equinox celebration. Piper and Phoebe are also there.] Piper: What are we doing here? Phoebe: Celebrating the Equinox. Can't you just feel it? The energy in this place? It's a convergence. Piper: It's a crock. I thought we were supposed to meet your witch friend. Phoebe: We are. This is where she told us to meet her. Now, please just relax. Piper: Relax? My life was a mess before our little wake up call this morning, remember? (Stevie arrives.) Phoebe: Oh, Stevie! (They go over to her.) Stevie: Hey, Phoebe. I'm so glad you could make it. Phoebe: Um, actually, we are not here for this. We needed to talk to you about something. This is my sister, Piper. Piper: Hi. Stevie: Hey, Piper, it's very nice to meet you. Are you witch too? Piper: Uh, sorta... maybe... I don't know. Uh, is everybody here one, also? Stevie: Oh, no. No, no, no... It's just a group of believers, women who know of this special place and who've come to celebrate. By the way, happy anniversary. Phoebe: That's what we wanted to talk to you about. Why did you say that today was gonna be a powerful day for us? Stevie: Because your anniversary falls on the Equinox. Which is a powerful day in and of itself for you, this convergence of powers is even stronger. The potential greater. All you have to do is connect. You wanna try it? Phoebe: Try it? How? Stevie: Let us begin. (Stevie joins the other women.) Piper: I don't wanna connect. Phoebe: We have to connect. Piper: I don't wanna try it. Phoebe: Okay, but we have to because... Piper: Why? Phoebe: What have we got to lose, okay? (Piper and Phoebe turns around and notice all the women have taken off their clothes.) Piper: Well, apparently we've got our clothes to lose. Phoebe: I see that. (Phoebe pulls Piper behind a rock wall and Phoebe starts taking off her clothes.) Piper: No. Whoa, Whoa. Wait. What are you doing? Phoebe: When in Rome. Piper: No-no-no! We're not in Rome, Phoebe. We're in California. And it's illegal here. Phoebe: It's totally natural, okay? Go for it. Come on. Piper: God. This is ridiculous. Can I keep my shoes on? Phoebe: Yeah, but that's it. Piper: We've got absolutely zero, zero information. Phoebe: Everybody's naked, not just you. Piper: And now we're naked. Phoebe: Shh, okay? Shh. Grams' voice: The Power of Three. Phoebe: Did you just hear that? Piper: Hear what? Grams' voice: The Power of Three. Phoebe: That. Grams? Piper: Grams? (Piper looks around and tries to cover herself up.) What? Where? I don't hear anything. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Bucklands. Mrs. Milton is looking at some items up for auction. Prue walks in the room.] Prue: Mrs. Milton. Hi. I'm sorry to keep you waiting. Mrs. Milton: Oh, no problem. I was just looking around. Prue: Well, I think that we'll have a great turnout for the preview. We've been getting an excellent response to your husband's collection. Mrs. Milton: I'm not surprised. Prue: Now, the opening bid prices may look a little low, but don't worry. It should attract a lot of buyers, which should result in a bidding war. It's the best way to sell inventory like this at top dollar. Is that all right with you? Mrs. Milton: I guess I'm having a little more trouble letting go of John's things than I thought. Prue: That's only natural. It's not easy. Mrs. Milton: I suppose that you deal with death quite a bit in your line of work, don't you? I mean, like this, auctioning off some poor widows inheritance. Prue: This? Unfortunately, yes. Mrs. Milton: I just keep going over and over in my mind the last time I saw him before the accident. And I keep thinking if only I'd done something or said something to stop him from getting in the car, maybe he'd still be alive. [Scene: Outside a large building that's up for sale. Piper pulls up in her car. She gets out and walks inside.] [Cut to inside. Rob is there looking around. Piper comes down the stairs.] Piper: Oh, god, Rob. I'm so sorry I'm late. Uh, I got stuck at this thing and then my sister needed a ride, and I'm so totally screwed on the loan now, aren't I? Rob: Don't be ridiculous. I'm just looking around, checking things out. Piper: It needs a lot of work, uh, I know that. But that's not a problem and just because the last two owners went bankrupt, doesn't mean it can't work. I've done three separate marketing studies and found a 68% interest in the target clientele. Rob: Piper... Piper: Plus, running a restaurant is very similar to running a club. Rob: You've already shown me all this. I've got it. I've got everything, except for an understanding of why you wanna put yourself in a position to fail like this. Piper: Uhh... Rob: Clubs are an extremely high risk business, Piper. You could lose your shirt. Piper: Well, it wouldn't be the first time today. Look, I know what I'm getting myself into. I know the risks and actually it's a lot less risk and a lot a less expensive than starting my own restaurant, which is what I really wanted to do. The point is, I'm tired of working for somebody else and helping them realizing their dreams. I wanna run my own place. This place. And I can do it, too. But not without your help. Rob: Well, at the risk of you never wanting to go out with me again... Congratulations. Piper: I got it? Rob: You go it Piper: Yay! (Piper hugs him and they kiss.) Rob: Hmm. Piper: Oh. (They start making out.) [Cut to Abraxas. He says another spell backwards. Jeremy appears wielding a knife.] Abraxas: Were you vanquished by the Charmed Ones? Jeremy: Yeah. Why? Abraxas: I'm giving you a second chance. [Cut back to Piper and Rob. They are still kissing.] Grams' Voice: The Power of Three. (Piper pulls away.) Piper: Did you hear that? Grams' Voice: The Power of Three. Rob: Hear what? (Piper looks around.) Piper: Grams? (Jeremy appears and knocks Rob unconscious. Piper screams and backs away.) Jeremy: You're dead, witch. (Piper freezes him.) Piper: Oh my God. Jeremy? [Cut to Prue's office. Prue's sitting at her desk. The phone rings.] Prue: Hello? Piper: Prue, thank god you're there. Jeremy... Prue: Piper, calm down... Piper: Just attacked me. Prue: Jeremy? That is impossible. We vanquished him a year ago. [Cut back to Piper.] Piper: Well, apparently he got unvanquished somehow. And since we don't have the Book of Shadows, we're gonna have to remember the spell together. I'm conferencing Phoebe. (She presses a button on the phone.) Phoebe, are you there? Phoebe: AT&T, the Power of Three. [Cut to Prue.] Prue: Okay, wait. Wasn't that it? The Power of Three will set us free. Piper: Grams... (Jeremy unfreezes.) Piper: Whoa! (She freezes him again.) Prue: What's the matter? Piper: He's... (Jeremy unfreezes and Piper freezes him again.) Piper: He's fighting through my freezes. He's adjusting or something. Phoebe: Uh, okay, put us on the speakerphone. We have to say it together. (Jeremy unfreezes.) Jeremy: (laughs) You're not getting away from me this time. (Jeremy attacks her with his dagger. She ducks and tries to get out of the way.) Piper: Whoa! Whoa! Phoebe: Piper! Piper: Hurry! Now! Hurry, now, now, now! Prue, Piper and Phoebe: "The Power of Three will set us free." (They repeat it another three times.) Prue: Piper? Phoebe: Piper? Piper: Ow. Ow. Prue: Piper? Piper: It's okay. He's gone. Again. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Building. Rob is on a stretcher. Piper is crouching down beside him.] Rob: How can you not have seen who attacked me? How is that possible? Piper: I don't know. I guess I was blocked or something and then he just sort of disappeared, you know? Rob: I'm starting to understand why this place keeps going under. Piper: Oh, no. It's not a bad crime area. Not at all. Rob: Well, it's something I'm going to be checking into. I can assure you of that. Paramedic: Excuse me, ma'am. (The paramedics carry Rob up the stairs. Prue walks past and looks at him.) Rob: Yeah, hi, how ya doin'? (Prue goes over to Piper.) Prue: Are you okay? Piper: Physically, yeah. I think my loan's on shaky ground. I couldn't exactly tell Rob, "It was just a warlock. Don't worry about it". Prue: Oh, it would be a shame if the loan didn't work out, I mean, this place is great. I used to come here. It has a lot of potential. Piper: Yeah? You think so? Prue: Mmm hmm. Piper: Care to loan me sixty grand? Prue: Hmm. Any ideas on where Jeremy came from? Piper: No, but I don't want to run into any of the other demons we've already vanquished. Prue: Well, hopefully Phoebe can find some answers in those new books of hers. Piper: I sure wish she had our book to look it at. Feels kind of lost without it. Although... Prue: Although what? Piper: It was weird but right before Jeremy appeared, I swore I heard Grams. Prue: Grams? Piper: I was positive it was her. She said "The Power of Three". And Phoebe said she heard her say it this morning. Maybe Grams was trying to warn me, warn us. [Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe is typing something on the laptop computer. She hears Kit meow and looks out the window. She sees Jenny sitting on the stairs holding Kit. Phoebe continues to type on her computer but changes her mind and goes outside.] [Cut to Jenny. Phoebe walks over to her and sits down.] Phoebe: Hey there. It's Jenny, right? Jenny: Yeah. Phoebe: We didn't really get to say hello before. My name is Phoebe. Phoebe Halliwell. And this is Kit the cat. Get it? Kit Kat. Little play on words. So, shouldn't you be in school? Jenny: I'm taking a week off. Phoebe: Really? Jenny: For the move, you know. Phoebe: So you're moving in with your uncle? Jenny: Well, just for the school year. Until my mom and dad come back. Phoebe: From Saudi Arabia? Jenny: My dad's with the state department. So, he gets transferred a lot. Phoebe: That sucks. So, did you ever get in touch with your mum? Jenny: It doesn't matter. Phoebe: If it matters to you, it matters. Your secret is safe with me. Jenny: Well, it's almost that time of the month, you know? And, well, I need some... Phoebe: Tampons? Jenny: Right, yeah. Phoebe: And you don't want talk to your uncle about it? Jenny: But I did. But he went out and bought sanitary napkins... Phoebe: Ugh. Jenny: Like that's gonna work. This is so embarrassing. (Phoebe looks at Kit's collar, which has the triquetra symbol hanging from it.) Jenny: So, do you think maybe you could get some for me instead? Phoebe: Uh... sure... but... a connection. Jenny: But what? (Piper pulls up in the driveway next door.) Phoebe: Uh, I'm really sorry, Jenny, but I have to go. (Phoebe picks up Kit.) Jenny: Fine. Phoebe: Look. I would love to help you out but I gotta believe that your parents wouldn't have left you with your uncle if they didn't think you could trust him at stuff like this. Ask him again. And if he still screws it up, remember, we're open 24 hours, 7 days a week, right next door, okay? (Jenny smiles. Phoebe goes back over to the manor.) Phoebe: Piper, wait up. I think I figured out how to find who the demon is. All we have to do is ask the Book of Shadows. Piper: What? Phoebe: It's been right in front of us the whole time. (She shows Kit's collar.) Piper: Kit's collar? Phoebe: No, the triquetra. The symbol of the Power of Three. Our symbol. Maybe that's what Grams has been trying to tell us. Piper: Phoebe, you're rambling. Phoebe: No, Stevie said all we would have to do is find our connection, right? That if we did, we'd be able to tap into the Power of the Equinox. Well, this has got to be it, the Triquetra. It's us. It's on the cover of the Book of Shadows. Piper: I still don't understand how can we ask the Book of Shadows for help when we don't have the book. (Phoebe pulls Piper inside.) Piper: Ugh! [Cut to inside the manor. Conservatory. Piper and Phoebe are standing in front of the spirit board.] Piper: The spirit board? Phoebe: It told us how to find the Book of Shadows, didn't it? It can do it again. All you have to do is believe. Now come on. We're stronger together. Piper: (sighs) Okay Phoebe: Come on. Okay. Close your eyes and feel it. (They touch the pointer.) Gram's Voice: The Power of Three. Phoebe: Did you hear that? Piper: Grams? (Piper looks around. The pointer moves.) Phoebe: A. Piper: B-R-A-X-A-S. Phoebe: Abraxas? (They look at each other.) [Cut to Abraxas. He turns to another spell in the Book of Shadows and starts to read it backwards.] [Cut back to the manor. Piper is sitting on the couch in the living room. Phoebe walks in, reading from a book.] Phoebe: Okay, I found it. "Abraxas - A demon of the astral plane who destroy witches by demonising their powers." Okay, but what does that have to do with the Book of Shadows? Piper: Well, that's where our powers come from, isn't it? Maybe Abraxas it turning it evil somehow. Phoebe: That would definitely undo our spells. And explain why Jeremy all of a sudden became unvanquished. Piper: And the Woogyman. Phoebe: When did the Woogyman become unvanquished? Piper: A couple of seconds ago. (Phoebe looks behind her and sees the Woogyman. They jump up.) Phoebe: Freeze it. Piper: It doesn't freeze, remember? The spell. What's the spell? Spell, spell... Phoebe: "I am light. I am one too strong to fight." I can't remember the rest. Piper: Yes you can. Okay, we can. Uh, "Return to dark, where the shadows dwell. You cannot have this Halliwell". Piper and Phoebe: "Go away and leave my sight. And take with you this endless night". (The Woogyman is vanquished.) Piper: That wasn't so hard. Phoebe: It's a good thing we were together. Piper: Abraxas must be reading the book backwards. That's how he's turning it evil. Phoebe: How do you figure? Piper: The spell to vanquish Jeremy was at the back of the book. And the spell to vanquish the Woogyman was right before that. Phoebe: Which means more are on their way. Piper: Uh-huh. Phoebe: We gotta warn Prue. Piper: Uh-huh. (They walk into the foyer and Phoebe touches a photoframe. She gets a premonition. In the premonition, Nicholas the warlock, is attacking Prue at Bucklands.) What? What happened? Phoebe: I saw the warlock Nicholas, killing Prue. [Scene: Bucklands. Prue is walking down the corridor. She stops when she sees Mrs. Milton. Prue's assistant approaches her.] Guy: Prue, your sister Phoebe's on the phone. Prue: Oh, uh, tell her that I'll call her back. Guy: She said it's important. Prue: She always says that it's important. Just tell her I'll call her back. It's okay. Thanks. (Prue goes over to Mrs. Milton.) Mrs. Milton. Mrs. Milton: Oh, hi. Prue: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. Mrs. Milton: I had no idea there'd be this many people interested. You're obviously very good at your job. Prue: Actually, I think it says more your husband's collection than it does about me. How long has it been since the accident? Mrs. Milton: Eight and a half months. How long has it been for you? Prue: Not very long. (Nicholas appears out of nowhere. He spots Prue.) Nicholas. (Prue walks off. Nicholas follows her.) Mrs. Milton: Prue? [Cut to Prue's office. Prue races in. Nicholas stands at the doorway and points his ring at her.] Nicholas: You remember the feeling, don't you? (Prue falls to the floor.) Prue: "Lavender, mimosa, holy thistle, cleanse this evil from our midst scatter..." Nicholas: You're overheating. Your brain cells are frying. It's over. Prue: "Scatter its cells throughout time. Let this Nick no more exist." (Nicholas is vanquished. Prue collapses on the floor.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Hospital. Prue is lying on a bed. Piper and Phoebe are standing beside her. The doctor finishes taking her blood pressure.] Doctor: Well, your blood pressure's back to normal. So is your temperature, your electrolytes. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were perfectly healthy young woman. Prue: Does that mean I can go home now? Doctor: Well, I'd like to run a few more tests. Find out what caused your body temperature to rise spontaneously like that. Has that ever happened to you before? Phoebe: It's happened to us all before. (She laughs.) Prue: Doctor, it's okay. Really. I think I know how to keep it from happening again. Doctor: All right. I'll see to your discharge papers. Prue: Thanks. (The doctor leaves and Prue gets up.) Piper: That was close. Prue: Too close. Piper: No, I don't mean her. I mean you. The paramedics said you almost died. Prue: Yeah, well, what else is new? Phoebe: We better figure out a way to get the book back from Abraxas because if we don't, we're all dead. Piper: But how? We don't know where the astral plane is. Phoebe: Yes, we do. It coexists within our own plane. Remember, that's what Stevie said. Prue: Still doesn't help to find the demon. Phoebe: Maybe, maybe not. I was thinking... You know how we always thought that nobody could take the Book of Shadows out of the house but us? Maybe nobody did. Maybe it's still in the house. Just on different plane. The astral plane. Piper: That would mean Abraxas is still in the house too. Phoebe: Right. So, we would need to find a doorway or a window to get to his like he used to get to ours and we need to do this before the end of the Equinox, by sunrise tomorrow. And then Prue can kick some astral ass with the Power of One. (Prue grabs her stuff and leaves the room. Piper and Phoebe follow.) Piper: Prue, what's the matter? Prue: Nothing. I just think that it's a long shot, that's all. Phoebe: Well, at least it's a shot. Piper: I agree, I mean, who knows how many other demons and warlocks he's let loose that we just don't know about yet. Phoebe: Or even worse. If Abraxas gets to the first page of the book before we get to him, we're toast. Prue: Why? Phoebe: Because it's the incantation that gave us our powers, remember? If Abraxas says that backwards too, then we'll lose them and the book forever. Prue: So we go back to leading normal lives again. That doesn't sound so bad. Phoebe: What? Are you joking? Prue: No, Phoebe, I'm not joking. Look, we always said that things happen to us for a reason, right? So, maybe the reason this time is to give to us an out. Piper: Prue, there's no out. Abraxas will kill us. Prue: Not if all he wants is the book. After all, that's the real power, not us. Piper: If all he wanted was the book, he wouldn't keep sending demons and warlocks after us. Prue: Yeah, well, we won't have to worry about anymore if he gets to the first page. Phoebe: What are you saying, Prue? Look, if we don't get to him, we stop being witches. Prue: Exactly. Which means we stop risking our lives all the time. Which means we stop watching the people we love lose theirs. (Prue walks away.) Phoebe: Prue... (Piper stops her from following.) Piper: Let her be. [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper and Phoebe are there. Phoebe's sitting at the table and Piper is looking in the fridge.] Phoebe: We're screwed, you know. Piper: No, we're not. There's a window, we'll find it. Phoebe: That's not what I meant. Piper: She'll come around. Phoebe: By sunrise? You know how Prue is when she makes up her mind about something. That's it. We're screwed. Piper: And we're out of wine. (The doorbell rings.) Phoebe: I'll get it. You keep dreaming. (Phoebe gets up and walks out to the foyer. She opens he door and Dan is there, holding a bottle of wine.) Oh, hi... Dan: Dan. Phoebe: Dan, right. Dan: You're Phoebe. Jenny told me. I hope it's okay to stop by. Phoebe: Of course, uh, we were just doing some reading. Dan: Well, I just wanted to give you this. (He hands her the wine.) To say thanks. You know, for talking to Jenny. Or better yet, for getting her to talk to me. Phoebe: That's really sweet. And timely too. But it's not necessary Dan: Well, to be honest, I was sort of hoping to get something out of it. I mean, you know, for Jenny. Just in case she needs a woman to talk to again. Phoebe: Ah, of course. Any time. She seems like a great kid. So, did she tell you what the problem was? (They laugh.) Dan: Any idea what size I'm supposed to get. There's like... five. Phoebe: Uh, junior is probably a safe bet. Dan: Right. Thanks. Phoebe: Hm. (The phone rings.) Dan: Well, uh, see ya around. Phoebe: Hopefully. 'Night. Dan: 'Night. (Dan leaves. Phoebe checks out his butt as he walks away.) [Cut to the kitchen. Piper's on the phone.] Piper: No, I understand. Okay, bye. (She hangs up. Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: Who was that? Piper: Rob, the banker. Or rather, his assistant. Telling me that my loan has been denied. Phoebe: Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. Piper: That's okay. Just wasn't meant to be, I guess. Really glad I never slept with him, though. What was I thinking? Phoebe: About Leo, maybe? Piper: Ugh. Phoebe: Wine? (She holds up the bottle of wine.) [Scene: Police station. Prue walks up to Darryl.] Darryl: Hey. Prue: Hi. Darryl: You wanna sit down? Prue: Sure. (Prue sees Andy's empty desk.) Darryl: They haven't assigned me a new partner yet since Andy died. Here. (He takes her into a room.) Prue: Listen, I'm sorry I haven't come by to see you. Darryl: Yeah, me too. I'm just glad you're here now, Prue. I've been worried about you. Prue: I'm alright. Darryl: Really? Then how come you've been avoiding me? And don't give me back that crap about being too busy ‘cause I know better. I know what you're going through, Prue. I lost him too, you know? Prue: I know. It's just been so hard, to, uh ... Darryl: What? Prue: To face you after what happened. Darryl: Now, see, that's exactly what I want to talk to you about... Prue: Darryl, um, I need to know what Andy told you about me and my sisters... about who we really are. Darryl: Just that you were involved in some of our unsolved cases, and that you somehow helped stop the killers. Prue: That's it? Nothing else? Darryl: He was my partner, Prue. I didn't need to know anything else. Prue: So, then, um... why did you cover for us when Andy died at the house? Darryl: ‘Cause he asked me to. That's why I've been trying to get a hold of you. To give you a message from him. That morning, after he saw you, Andy told me to tell you that if anything were to happen to him, that it wouldn't be your fault. He didn't want you to blame yourself. Prue: Too late. (They hug.) [Cut to the manor. Attic. Piper and Phoebe are there. Piper has drawn the triquetra symbol on the wall with chalk.] Phoebe: You really think that's the window? Piper: You said yourself the triquetra's the key, our connection. And besides, we keep hearing grams say "The Power of Three". This is what that stands for. Either that or I just screwed up this wall for no reason. Phoebe: Well, even if it is the window, if Prue doesn't show up... (Prue walks in.) Prue: She'll show. Better late then never, right? Look, I know that I haven't exactly been myself lately and I know that I'm going through... something. And that I have some things to work through. But I don't wanna let you down because of it. Right now, it's not about me. It's about us. Phoebe: Attagirl, Prue. I knew you'd come around. Piper: Excuse me? Phoebe: Well, I did deep down. Piper: Are you sure you're up for this? (Prue uses her power to move a chair across the room.) Prue: I'm sure. Phoebe: Okay, so when the window opens, Prue, you'll knock Abraxas away from the Book, so Piper and I can reach in and grab it. And then, while you're holding him back... Prue: You'll find some spell to vanquish him I got it. Phoebe: Okay. (They walk towards the wall.) Piper: Okay. We have to create a circle. (They join hands.) Three, two, one. (Piper and Phoebe touch the wall and it opens up. Abraxas appears.) Phoebe: Hold on. Now, Prue, now! Abraxas: First the book, then you. Phoebe: What's the matter with you? Piper: Prue, use your power. Phoebe: Prue! (Abraxas pushes them away and they slide across the floor. The portal closes. Phoebe and Piper look angrily at Prue.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are walking down the stairs.] Piper: Prue, what happened up there? Prue: Nothing. Phoebe: Yeah, nothing is exactly the problem. Prue: I never said that I had the power to go against him. You did, remember? Phoebe: No, the Book of Shadows did. Prue: Well, maybe it was wrong. Maybe Abraxas is just too strong. Piper: Maybe, but that doesn't explain why you hesitated. Prue: I didn't hesitate. Phoebe: The hell you didn't Prue. I saw you. Piper: We both saw you. Prue: So, what are you saying? This is my fault, is that it? Because I can't defeat Abraxas? Phoebe: No, Prue, you can. You just won't. Okay, something is holding you back. Something big time and instead of facing it, you're running from it. Piper: Phoebe... Phoebe: But you can't keep running, Prue. Because you have got to figure out what your problem is, otherwise we're all dead. (Prue starts to cry.) Prue: That's right, Phoebe. It's my responsibility, isn't it? The oldest sister, always supposed to be able to figure things out. Well, if that's the case, then how come I couldn't save Andy? If I'm supposed to be so powerful, how come I couldn't save him? I mean, my god, don't you understand? Andy died because of me, it doesn't matter what he said, it was my fault. How could it be good to be witches if all it does is get the people we love killed? (She cries.) Phoebe: Oh, sweetie. Piper: Prue, it's not your fault. You tried to keep Andy from coming here that night, remember? You tried to warn him but he came anyway. He came because he wanted to. Phoebe: And there was nothing that you could have done to stop him, Prue. He chose to walk through that door, not because of who you are, honey, but because of who he was. Piper: Protector of the innocent, just like us. Prue: I just don't know if I believe in it anymore. Phoebe: Honey, we've done a lot of good as witches too. You know that. But that doesn't mean that bad things still aren't gonna happen. But just because we can't help that, doesn't mean that is our fault. Piper: Or yours. Phoebe: Come here. (They all hug.) Grams' Voice: The Power of Three. (They look around.) Phoebe: Okay, did you guys hear that? Piper: Mm-hmm. Prue: Grams? Grams' Voice: The Power of Three. Prue: How is that possible? Phoebe: I don't know but it's gotta to be a good thing if we're all hearing it. Piper: Maybe it means we're connected. Phoebe: To be as one. Maybe that's what the Book meant by the Power of One. Piper: The three of us working as one. Prue: Which is what the triquetra represents. (Phoebe looks at her watch.) Phoebe: Almost sunrise. Do you think you're ready to try the window again? Prue: Yeah, yeah, but Abraxas will be ready for us here. We have to take him by surprise, go where we're most powerful, where we're most connected. [Cut to the park. Prue, Piper and Phoebe have joined hands around a stone.] Prue, Piper and Phoebe: "Hear now the words of the witches, the secrets we hid in the night, the oldest of Gods are invoked here, the great work of magic is sought." [Cut to Abraxas undoing the spell that gave them their powers.] [Cut back to the girls.] Prue, Piper, Phoebe: "In this night, and in this hour we call upon the ancient power." [Cut back to Abraxas. The pages of the Book of Shadows turn over. He turns back to the spell and continues to read it backwards.] [Cut back to the girls.] Prue, Piper, Phoebe: "Hear now the words of the witches, the secrets we hid in the night, the oldest of Gods are invoked here, the great work of magic is sought." [Cut back to Abraxas. The Book disappears.] [Cut back to the girls. The Book drops out from the sky and lands on the rock.] Phoebe: Prue, Piper... Prue: Keep chanting. Prue, Piper, Phoebe: Hear now the words of the witches, the secrets we hid in the night..." (Abraxas appears above them) Abraxas: What are you doing? How'd you bring me here? Prue, Piper, Phoebe: "The oldest of Gods are invoked here, the great work of magic is sought. In this night, and in this hour we call upon the ancient power. In this night, and in this hour we call upon the ancient power. In this night, and in this hour we call upon the ancient power." (Abraxas is vanquished. Phoebe grabs the Book.) Phoebe: And we didn't even have to get naked. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are there. Prue places the Book of Shadows back on its stand.] Prue: That's more like it. (She flips through the Book.) Piper: I'll feel better when we erase that window. I don't want any more demons coming through it. Phoebe: They can't. It's our window, not theirs. Piper: Still, better safe than sorry. Especially if we can expect any more demons like Abraxas coming. (She goes over to the wall.) Prue: Well, apparently we can. "Rite of Passage. Fight it with the Power of one, or else... a more powerful evil that awaits will destroy you". Phoebe: Wow. I'm glad I didn't finish reading that yesterday. I might have changed my mind about not wanting to give up our powers. Prue: No, you wouldn't have. You like being a witch too much, Phoebe. And you help remind me that I like being one too. Phoebe: Hmm. Piper: Hey, me three. Too bad it doesn't pay the bills, though. Phoebe: (to Prue) Did you get it? Prue: Mm-hmm. (They happily go over to Piper.) Piper: Get what? (They hand Piper an envelope.) What's this? (She looks at it.) $60,000? Where did you get this? Prue: Home equity loan. Phoebe and I took a second out on the house. To help you buy your club. Phoebe: Actually, our club technically. Prue: Right, as long as you don't mind being partners with your sisters. Piper: Thank you! (They all hug.) Grams' Voice: The Power of Three. (They pages turn on the Book of Shadows and Grams' spirit appears.) Prue: Grams? Grams: Hello, my darlings. Oh, it's nice to see you, or rather, it's nice being seen by you. Piper: But-but-but how is this... Grams: Possible? All things are possible, my dear. It's just simply a matter of your being able to do them. Phoebe: Wait, so you're the one that keeps turning the pages in the book? Grams: Just my way of looking after you. As best I can, anyway. Don't try to understand this. You're not ready yet. But the fact that you could hear me before, can see me now, means that someday you might be. Be good to each other. I love you. (Grams disappears. The book turns to a page.) Piper: Is it just me, or is this attic getting awfully crowded lately? (They go over and look at the page.) Prue: Look. (Grams has written "Happy Anniversary, My Darlings" on the page.)

The sisters face a demon named Abraxas , who steals the Book of Shadows and undoes some of the spells they've cast (in reverse order), releasing old vanquished enemies of the Charmed Ones and forcing them to remember the vanquishing spells from memory alone. The sisters have one chance to recapture the Book of Shadows or they will lose their powers forever. The sisters also meet their new neighbors, Jenny and her uncle Dan Gordon . Phoebe and Piper learn through the Wiccan community that because their anniversary of activating their inherent powers falls on an equinox , a wiccan holy day , each of their powers will be more developed and greatly magnified but only temporarily.

fd_The_Office_03x17

fd_The_Office_03x17_0

Michael: Oh hey, Kevin, nice of you to join us, where were you? Kevin: My tire blew out on the way here, Michael. Michael: Huh? Kevin: I almost died. I... I went into this skid--- Michael: Pop quiz. Kevin: ...What? Michael: Why is today a special day? Kevin: I almost died. Michael: Today's a special day, because I am being honored as a... visiting... professor, special lecturer, emeritus... how did you, how did you... Ryan: You will be a guest speaker... in my Emerging Enterprises class. Michael: In business school, Kevin. Business school. Kevin: Wow. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: If you bring your boss to class, it automatically bumps you up a full letter grade. So... I'd be stupid not to do it, right? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: A boss is like a teacher. And I am like the cool teacher. Like Mr. Handell. Mr. Handell would hang out with us, and he would tell us awesome jokes. And he actually hooked up with one of the students. Um... and then like twelve other kids came forward. It was in all the papers. ... Really ruined eighth grade for us. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Here we go. College Roadshow. Gotta bring our... A game. What was the most inspiring thing I've ever said to you? Dwight: "Don't be an idiot." Changed my life. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, "Would an idiot do that?" And if they would, I do not do that thing. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Will they throw their hats, you think? Ryan: What? Michael: A lot of times, at a... school, or naval academy, after a rousing speech, the crowd would throw its hats high into the air. Ryan: Y-You understand nobody's graduating. Michael: Yeah, I know, I know. I'm just saying if they did throw their hats I've got a great line for that: "May your hats fly as high as your dreams." ... That was a pretty good line. Ryan: ...It doesn't apply. Michael: I understand! Wow. Relax, spazzy boy. Sometimes you're such a little spaz! [pokes Ryan] Whoa, hey! Ryan: Quit it! Michael: We have fun. [SCENE_BREAK] Roy: I can't for your art show tonight. Pam: Okay, just so you know, it's just the students from my class in a little studio. Roy: I-I wouldn't miss it for the world. Pam: Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I'm really happy to be back with Roy. I think it shows maturity. Maturity and dignity. ... Is that braggy? I don't mean it to be braggy. [SCENE_BREAK] Roy: Love ya. Pam: You too. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Pam's with Roy. I'm with Karen. And, uh, Brangelina is with Frangelina. Movin' on. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: I can't believe you're back together with Roy! Pam: Oh, yeah! We have such a solid foundation, you know. Kelly: Oh my God. You're so in love now. Pam: Yeah. Oh, you should come to my art show, by the way. Kelly: Oh, art show! Pam: I mean, it's not a big deal, but I think a lot of people from the office will be there. Kelly: ...Oh... yeah. Definitely... I'll be there. For sure. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Campus. Brings back so many memories. ... That I would have made. Hey. Frisbee. Check that out. Aww! What do you say we get our Fris on before class? [runs over, throws frisbee] Whoo! College Student: ....Dude. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: ...Oh my God. Animal stool. [jumps on desk] Pam: Dwight, what are you doing? Dwight: Solving a mystery, if that's quite alright with you. [opens ceiling tile] Come to Papa. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, what we have here is a bird that has been trapped in a vent. Fortunately I have found it befo--BAT! BAAAT! BAT! Karen: Oh my God! Dwight: BAAAAT! BAT! NO! EVERYONE REMAIN CALM! There it goes! Stanley: Goooood bye. Angela: [on ground] ... Please don't let that stupid thing near me... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Okay, this is it. Ryan is doing my intro right now. Ryan: ...Dunder-Mifflin can't compete with the modern chains, and management is unwilling, or unable, to adapt. Their customers are dying off... Michael: I can't hear what he's saying, but he looks like he's really into it. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: We have... a bat... in the office. [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: The simple solution would be to open a window... if we had... windows that could open. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Poop is raining from the ceilings. Poop! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Okay. Thanks. [hangs up phone] Animal control will be here at six. Dwight: At Six?! No, that is unacceptable. Okay, Jim, you are the number two in this office. You need to step up and show some leadership. Jim: I'm sorry what did you say? So wierd... Dwight: What? What's so wierd? Jim: The bat, I mean, I know I felt it bite me, but look. There's no mark. I feel so... tingly... so strangely powerful... [shrugs] Oh well. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: And now, without further ado, I present the regional manager of Dunder Mifflin, Scranton, Michael Scott. Michael: Hello everyone, I am Michael Scott. And I would like to start today by inspiring you. May I borrow someone's textbook, please? Thank you. What have we here? Ooh. Economics. Very, very interesting. [rips pages out of book] You cannot learn from books. Replace these pages with life lessons, and then, you will have... a book... that is worth its weight in gold. [gives book back] I know these are expensive, um, but the lesson is priceless. Good. Alright. I think you're inspired. Shall we proceed? There are four kinds of business: Tourism. Food service. Railroads, and sales. And hospitals slash manufacturing. And air travel. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [sighs] This is your job, Halpert. Jim: Ow! Karen: Oh, what happened? Jim: That bread on your desk? I just picked it up. It's white hot. Karen: But Jim, this garlic bread is cold. Jim: What? ... No. It burned me. I... bizarre. Dwight: No... no. One crisis at a time. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: If a vampire bat was in the U.S., it would make sense for it to come to a "sylvania." Like PENN-sylvania. Now that doesn't mean that Jim is going to become a vampire. Only that he carries the vampiric germ. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: So, you wanna start a business. How do you start? What do you need? Well, first of all, you need a building. And secondly, you need supply. You need something to sell. Now this could be anything. It could be... a... thingamajig. Or a... a whosi-whatsi. Or... [pulls out a candy bar] a Whatchamacallit [throws bar]. Now, you need to sell those in order to have a PayDay [takes out a PayDay, throws it]. And, if you sell enough of them, you will make a 100 Grand [throws 100 Grand bar]. [pulls out a Snickers] Satisfied? [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: Oh, this looks great. I'd, I'd love to be there, but my daughter's play is tonight. ... Damnit! You know, one of the other parents will probably videotape it. Pam: Oh! No, you should go. Toby: Well, it's important to support local art, you know. And what they do is not art. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Okay, I'm seeing some confused... faces out there. Let me slow down a little bit. Break this down. Okay. The more stickers you sell, the more profit, fancy word for money, you have to buy PlayStations and Beanie Babies. Ryan: Michael. Michael: ...And products! Ryan: What we normally do here is more of a question and answer thing. Michael: Well... okay, I was just kind of getting it going. Um, alright. Well, okay, we can do questions. Okay. Very good. First hand up. Business Student #1: Sir, as a company that primary distributes paper, how have you adapted your business model to function in an increasingly paperless world? Michael: We can't overestimate the value of computers. Yes, they are great for playing games and forwarding funny emails. But real business is done on paper, okay? Write that down. [everyone types on their laptops] [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: Hey Jim, here's the aspirin you wanted. Jim: Oh, thank God. I have such a headache from that glare. Karen: What glare? Jim: The glare off Angela's crucifix? It's blinding. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I don't have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once. But by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Extraordinary events call for extraordinary actions. We form an allegiance-- Creed: Sure. Dwight: --to use sudden violence. Creed: Okay. Dwight: Do you have the tools to turn a wooden mop handle into a stake? Creed: What size? [SCENE_BREAK] Business Student #2: What do you say to a customer who wants to leave you for the convenience and savings of a nationwide chain? Michael: ...I say you will miss our service, and I absolutely guarantee you'll come back. Business Student #2: Has anyone ever come back? Michael: ...We don't want them back, 'cause they're... stupid. Business Student #3: How far has your Herfindahl index declined since the merger? Michael: Nice try, how's your Pollack-says-what index? Business Student #3: ...What? Michael: Thanks, Kowalsky. Um, can we get on track here? Business Student #1: By your own employee's calculation you'll be obsolete in the next five to ten years. Michael: ...Wait, Ryan said that? [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: What are you doing? You'd better not hurt that little bat. Creed: Animals can't feel pain. Kelly: Don't hurt that bat, Creed! It's a living thing with feelings and a family! Dwight: Flush him towards the door. On my go... NOW! Kelly: AHH! KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IIIT! Kevin: [locks bat in break room] I... am a hero! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Yeah sure, you know business, sitting up here in your ivory tower. And your ebony tower. You know what? Tell you one thing, Dunder-Mifflin is here to stay. Business Student #2: But how can you compete against a company with the resources of a nationwide chain? Michael: David will always beat Goliath. Business Student #1: But there's five Goliaths, there's... Staples, Officemax... Michael: Yeah, yeah. You know what else is facing five Goliaths? America. Al-Qaeda, global warming, s*x predators... mercury poisoning. So do we just give up? Is that what we're learning in business school? Business Student #1: But in the big picture... Michael: Dunder-Mifflin is the big picture! Can't you understand that? No, you can't. You're too young. Ryan... has never made a sale. And he started a fire trying to make a cheesy pita. And everybody thinks he's a tease. Well you know what? He doesn't know anything, and neither do you. [walks out] SO SUCK ON THAT! [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: ...It wasn't personal. Michael: Business is always personal. It's the most personal thing in the world. When we get back to the office, pack your things. Ryan: Pack my--? Michael: You heard me, pack your things. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: I really want to come out! Creed: Good night, Mary Beth! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: So... you're cool to just wait here for animal control? Dwight: Animal control? I've been controlling animals since I was six. Jim: Cool. Okay. I'm gonna go home and lie down, draw the shades... there's just so much sun in here... bye Dwight. Dwight: Goodbye Jim. And good luck. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Jim is on a path now. An eternal journey, and I wish him well. But I have a destiny in this realm. Specifically, in the kitchen. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: ...And it's all from the same series. Woman: Oh. Pam: Called 'Impressions.' Woman: Oh. Pam: Not that I call myself an impressionist, per se. Woman: Maybe one day. Pam: I hope so. Woman: Mmm. Pam: I still need... you know, my breakthrough, or whatever. [Woman leaves, Roy enters] Hey, babe, how are you? Roy: Good. Alright I brought my brother, huh? Pam: Hey, Kenny. Kenny: Hey Pam. Roy: How 'bout this, huh? I show up with my brother, and, no one from work is here? That's... pretty cool, huh? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Magic time. Gyeeeaahhh! [puts bag over Meredith's head] Meredith: Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Get off! Get off me! Get off me! Dwight: Hold still, woman! Meredith: Get off me! Get it off! Ahhhh! Dwight: ...[captures bat in bag] ... You're welcome. [SCENE_BREAK] Roy: It's cool if I go, right? I mean, I looked at all of them. Pam: Yeah, I'll just, I'll drive myself home. Roy: To my place? Pam: Maybe, I'm a little tired. Roy: Your art.. was the prettiest art of... all art. Pam: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Ryan: Look, I'm sorry, okay? I was just trying to do my presentation, and... of course, I was wrong to suggest that Dunder-Mifflin might ever go out of business. But you don't have to fire me. Michael: Fire you? No, no no. You are moving... to the annex. Ryan: To the annex? Where... Kelly is? Michael: A good manager doesn't fire people. He hires people and inspires people. ... People, Ryan. And people will never go out of business. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: You're the one who said we needed more culture. Gil: This is culture to you? Oscar: It's her first try. Gil: Yeah, on Van Gogh's first try, he drew the hands of the peasants. Oscar: Meaning what? Gil: Meaning, real art takes courage, okay? And honesty. Oscar: Well, those aren't Pam's strong points. Gil: Yeah, exactly. That's why this is... motel art. [SCENE_BREAK] Artist: Thanks for coming. Michael: Pam-casso! Sorry I'm late, I had to race across town. Pam: Oh, Michael. Michael: Wow! You did these... freehand? Pam: Yep. Michael: My God, these could be tracings! Ohh! Look at this one. Wow! You nailed it. [sighs] ... How much? Pam: What do you mean? Michael: I don't see a... price. Pam: Um... you wanna buy it? Michael: Well, yeah. Yeah, we have to have it for the office. I mean, there's my... window, and there's my car! That your car? Pam: Uh-huh. Michael: That is our building... and we sell paper. ... I am really proud of you. Pam: [hugs Michael] ... Thank you. Michael: What? Pam: Do you have something in your pocket? Michael: ...Chunky. Do you want half? Pam: No thank you. Michael: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: It is... a message. It is an inspiration, it is... a source of beauty. And without paper, it could not have happened. Unless, you had a camera. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God... Ryan: It's only temporary, okay? Don't get excited. Kelly: I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't...

In an attempt to get extra credit, Ryan invites Michael to his business school as a guest speaker. Michael attempts to make a motivational speech, unaware that Ryan has introduced him as an ineffectual manager of an out of touch company. Meanwhile, a bat is discovered in the office, leading Dwight to lead an attempt to capture it. That night, Pam displays her artwork at an art show, and is disappointed when few of her co-workers attend. Michael finally arrives after giving his speech and, in a moment of genuine kindness, compliments her work and buys her painting of their office building.

fd_The_Office_04x13

fd_The_Office_04x13_0

Stanley: This is ridiculous. Phyllis: Do you have any idea what time we'll get out of here? Michael: Nobody likes to work late, least of all me. [to Jim] Do you have plans tonight? Jim: Nope I don't, remember when you told us not to make plans 'cause we're working. Michael: Yes I remember. Mmm, this is B.S. This is B.S. Why are we here? I am going to call corporate. Enough is enough, I'm - God, I'm so mad! [on phone] This is Michael Scott, Scranton, well we don't want to work. No we don't! It's not fair to these people. These people are my friends and I care about them! We're not going to do it! [hangs up] Everybody I just got off the horn with corporate and basically I told them where they could stick their little overtime assignment. Go enjoy your Friday. Dwight: Thank you Michael. Michael: All right, happy Friday. [to Jim] Well I think we dodged a bullet there. Jim: I think you did. Michael: I think we should celebrate. How about you, Pam, mi casa, a little dinner, dancing, drinks? Jim: Oh, I- Michael: You said you didn't have plans. That's what you said. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Michael has asked Pam and me to dinner at least 9 times. And every time we've been able to get out of it. But I've got to give him credit, he got me. Because I'm starting to suspect that there was no assignment from corporate. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Michael, what time should I be arriving? Michael: Dwight, it's couples only. And besides, I only have six wine glasses, so it will be me and Jan, and Pam and Jim, and Angela and Andy. Andy: Hey-o! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Does it bother me that I wasn't invited to Michael's dinner party? [breaks down crying] [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: Hi. Michael: Hello. Jim: Hi. Jan: How are you? Michael: Come on in. Good to see you. Jan: Chilly huh? So glad we finally got to do this with you guys. You wanna take their coats babe? Michael: Yes I would. So, what have you been doing? Jim: Let's see, since I saw you an hour ago? Michael: Yeah. Jim: I have been getting ready and then driving over here. Michael: Well we have been doing pretty much the same thing. Jim: Really? Michael: Except driving. Pam: We got you this. [gives a bottle of wine] Jan: Oh well Pam, thank you, this will be great to cook with. Michael: Well have a seat, or come on in, or, I don't know, make yourself to home. This is our casa. Pam: It's really nice. Jan: So what do you guys think, should we do the tour first or the appetizers first? Jim: Tour, let's do the tour first. Michael: Okay. Jan: Do you have a preference babe? Upstairs first? Michael: Totally your call babe. Jan: Alright, well, let's go then, I say upstairs. Jim: Oh, you guys doing a little construction? Michael: Oh, just redoing the sliding glass door. Jan: Yeah, so sorry about this God-awful carpet, we're still a work in progress here. Michael: Well, thats... [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: This is my office. Michael: Yep, never been used. Jan: Not super exciting. Michael: No. Jan: And this is my workspace. Michael: This is it, check that out, can you smell that? [the room is filled with candles that say "Serenity by Jan"] Pam: Uh-huh. Michael: As you can smell there's a lot of different odors going on in here. Pam: So you have an office and a workspace? Jan: I do, I cannot create in the same space I conduct business, I'm sure that you're the same with your doodles. [puts a candle to Jim's nose] Smell. Jim: It's fire. Jan: Uh-huh, Bonfire. Michael: Bond. Jan: Men love this one. Michael: James Bond Fire. I am Bond fire, James Bond Fire. Michael Scarn. [clicks tongue] Jan: When I get frustrated, or irritated or... angry, I come up here and I just smell all my candles and it just -poof- goes away. Jim: Just like that. Jan: Just like that. Jan: So this is the master bedroom, and these walls used to like white, like an asylum. So I wanted it to be softer, So I had it painted in eggshell white. Michael: Guess what, white and eggshell white are exactly the same color. Jan: [puts away video camera facing the bed] Babe I thought you said you were going to tidy things up. Michael: Well, I- Jan: Shame on you. Pam: What a cute bench. Michael: Thanks, that's my bed. Jan has some space issues, so I curl up on that puppy. Jim: Really? 'cause... seems pretty narrow... and short. Michael: It's actually a lot bigger than it seems. Look at this. [Lies down] Jan: See, he fits perfectly. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I finally broke down and bought myself a plasma TV. Check it out. [reveals a tiny TV] I actually hung this on the wall myself. I want to show you something . A lot of people in the room, need more space? [moves TV back a couple inches] Voila, right in the wall. Jim: Wow. Michael: Sometimes I will just stand here and watch television for hours. I love it, I love this TV. Oh and I also built this table. Jim: What is that chestnut? Michael: No, I think that is either pine, or nordic cherry. Jan: It's pine. Jim: Michael, I'm just terrible at all this stuff, so that's really cool. Jan: Really? Pam: Yeah, he tried to set up my TIVO for me but then I didn't have audio for a week. Michael: If you ever need any help, I am just a phone call away. Jan: I bet you are. Jim: Well, I saw - oh your Dundies. I'm surprised they're not out on the coffee table for everybody to see. Jan: It was between the neon beer sign and the Dundies so I said "Honey keep the trophies." Michael: Oh honey, I have the best trophy right here, aside from my Dundies. Jan: [doorbell] Oh, excuse us just a second. Michael: I'll get it. Jan: [Andy and Angela enter] So glad you're finally able to be here. Angela: [Michael tries to hug Angela] No, no. Michael: Okay. Andy: Tuna! What's up Tuna, we having tuna for dinner? [to Pam] I bet you're sick of tuna right? You probably have tuna every night. Tuna! [to Jan] These are for you. [hands flowers] Jan: Oh, how thoughtful. Michael: Very nice. Andy: Except for one flower, which is for... my flower. Jan: Aw. Angela: What am I supposed to do with this? Jan: How 'bout we do the short tour and then I'll start dinner? Pam: Oh I can help starting dinner if you need it. Jan: Oh no no no, it's just the osso buco needs to braise for about three hours, everything else is done. Pam: Three hours from now or three hours from earlier like 4:00? Jan: You know Pam, in Spain they often don't start eating until midnight. Michael: When in Rome. Jan: Do you have a preference, upstairs first? Michael: Whatever you say babe. Jan: Follow me. Michael: All right. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: How 'bout a toast. Shall I? Here's to good friends. All: Cheers. Michael: Kinda sorta an oaky afterbirth. Jim: What was that? Jan: So music, should we turn some music? Michael: Yeah that sounds good. Jan: Do you guys remember my old assistant Hunter? He is an excellent songwriter. Hunter's CD: You took me by the hand, Made me a man, That one night, You made everything all right, So raw, so right, All night, all right, Oh yeah, Oh yeah, So raw, so right, All night, all right, Oh yeah. Michael: You know what, Hunter was a terrible assistant, that is why Ryan fired him. Jan: Well I think he's probably just about as reliable as Pam being that it usually takes you an afternoon to get back to me. Angela: Sometimes I think she holds on to faxes. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [To camera] I don't care what they say, I just want to eat. Which I realize is a lot to ask for... at a dinner party. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [playing charades] No it's a... hump. There's a hump. Jan: Joe Camel! Andy: Okay yes, first name of that animal and the second name is the state where Helena is the capital. Pam: Montana. Jan: Oh! Pam: Joe Montana! Andy: Yes! Yes. Pam: Why didn't you just say 49ers quarterback? Michael: All right, [rhythim clapping] my my my my turn, my my my my turn, my my my my turn. Jan: Babe can you just like really, woah, could you just simmer down? Michae: What, no, I'm just making people laugh. Jan: No. Michael: Yes, I was watching Jim's face. Jan: I was watching Jim. Michael: And he was laughing. Jan: No smiling. Michael: Look at him, he's laughing. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Michael and Jan seem to be playing their own separate game and it's called 'Let's see how uncomfortable we can make our guests' and they're both winning. So I'm going to make a run for it. [holds cellphone] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: You'll never guess, I just got a message from my landlord apparently, my apartment flooded, something with a sprinkler. Pam, we should probably get going and see the damage. Pam: Oh okay. Michael: Well you don't need two of you to do that. Jim: That's true. Um... dinner sounded delicious. Pam I'll see you at home, thank you so much. Pam: Oh Jim, I don't think you're going to abandon this party here all by itself. Jim: I don't know because I everything I own is there. Pam: You can buy new stuff but you can't buy a new party. Michael: That's true, that's a great point. Come on down here. Sit down on that couch and be amongst friends and we are not going to think about all your stuff being destroyed, all right. Andy: Michael, you're up. Michael: All right here we go, this is going to be fun, ready. All right first name is Tom- Jan: No no no, no names, no names, no rhyming, no soundalikes. Michael: All right, Okay, okay, you're getting inside my head. First name is blank and he goes on a cruise, he goes on a Caribbean CRUISE. Angela: I don't know. Jim: Katie Holmes. Michael: No, Baah! But he's married to her! Jim: Oh, Dawson's Creek. Michael: No! It has to be a real person Jim, come on. Okay, no no, I'm gonna pass, I'm gonna pass. Okay, rhymes with Parnold Schporzenegger. Jan: No rhyming! Jim: Not really a rhyme. Angela: Another clue, another clue. Michael: Okay, he is the governor of California, he is the Terminator. Angela: Those aren't helpful. Jim: Tom Cruise! Michael: No! Andy: Time! Michael: God, does anybody read the paper?! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [Michael offers his coat to Pam, who is shivering] Oh, thank you. Michael: You're welcome. Jan: [eyes Pam] I'm so, so sorry for the temperature in here. The um, sliding glass door shattered. It's actually a really cute story. Do you wanna tell it babe or should I tell it? Michael: I don't like that story babe. Jan: Come on, it's a cute story, Michael ran through the sliding glass doors because he thought he heard the ice cream truck! Michael: Stop, stop it! I mean, I like ice cream. Okay? Sue me. Oh, no, don't. I shouldn't say that jokingly because she will sue me. She loves to sue, loves lawsuits. You know honey, that door was extremely clean and it looked invisible. Jan: You are so right, you're so right because before I lived here, the glass was always covered in smudges, and then I moved in and I cleaned it so I guess that makes me the Devil. Michael: Ha ha, you are! She is! She is the devil! I'm in hell! Aaahhh I'm burning, help me! Angela: You shouldn't joke about that. Pam: Is there more wine in the kitchen? Jan: I will get it, I will get it, what kind of hostess would I be if I didn't get. It's okay, I don't mind. In fact you know what, girl's trip, Angela come on. Girl's trip. [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: [checking the oven] Uh, not even close. Angela: So you keep a very tidy house. Jan: You should see our bathroom after Michael takes a bath, whew. But I don't have to tell you Pam. Pam: No, yeah. What? Jan: Oh well don't tell me that he's really changed since you guys dated. Pam: Oh, are you joking? Jan: Well, Michael told me a little bit about it, but I see the way you look at him. Pam: I have never, ever dated, or wanted to do anything resembling dating Michael, ever. Not ever, not now, not then, not now, not ever, ever. Angela: I've noticed how you look at him at the office. Jan: Mmhmm. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [in the garage] So I spend most of my time right here. Have a hand [the chairs are shaped like hands]. So Jim I noticed you checking out Jan's candles. Jim: Oh no she just put it in front of my face. Michael: Yeah, did you know that candles are the number one fastest-growing product in the scent aroma market? $2 billion dollar a year industry. And for only $10,000, you could become a co-owner of "Serenity by Jan" What do you think about that? Andy: Thought about it, I'm in. Jim: I'm sorry, are you really trying to get us to invest in Jan's company? Michael: I'm sorry. [doorbell rings] What now? [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: Coming! [Dwight and a woman are at the door holding wine glasses and a cooler] Dwight: Hello. Jan: What are you doing here? Dwight: We came here to eat dinner and to party, this is a dinner party right? Pam: [whispering] Awesome. Jan: What is he doing here? Angela: Yes, What are you doing here? Michael: Dwight is my friend. Woman: We weren't invited? Michael: You said that I could not invite Dwight because he was not part of a couple, and because we didn't have enough wine glasses. Dwight brought glasses and a person. Jan: Fine, whatever you want, just like always, whatever you want. Michael: Whatever I want? It's never whatever I want. When I wanted to see Stomp, and you wanted to see Wicked, what did we see? Jan: We saw Wicked. Michael: When I said that I wanted to have kids, and you said, you wanted me to have a vasectomy, what did I do? And then when you said that you might want to have kids and I wasn't so sure, Who had the vasectomy reversed? And then when you said you defintely didn't want to have kids, who had it reversed back? Snip snap! Snip snap! Snip snap! I did. You have no idea the physical toll, that three vasectomies have on a person. And I bought this condo to fill with children. Jan: I am so sorry that I don't want to bring kids into this screwed-up world, okay? But look if you want to have kids, then fine you win. Let's have a [bleep]ing kid. Michael: Do you mean it? You want to have a kid? [Jan walks away] Jan: I hate my life. Dwight: So can we come in? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Hmmm... Mmm... great turkey leg. Jan: [crying] I'm just gonna check on dinner. [Jan gets up from the table] Dwight: Angela, would you like some of my beet salad? Angela: I hate beet salad. Woman: It's actually really good. Dwight: Hey hey hey hey. [to Angela] I know you love beet salad. I've seen you eat it many times. Angela: The thought of popping one of your beets into my mouth makes me want to vomit. Michael: [leans across to Pam whispering] Pam... I hope she didn't do anything to the food. Pam: [whispers] Like... like what? Michael: I can't prove it but I think she might be trying to poison me. [Jan serves the food] Hey, looks great babe. Andy: Yeah it does. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I know Jan didn't poison the food. I know that. But if she was going to poison the food of someone at that table wouldn't it be me? Michael's former lover? [SCENE_BREAK] Jan: [Michael dips his steak into his wine] Can you not do that? It's disgusting. Michael: You know I have soft teeth, how can you say that? Jan: Oops. Michael: Excuse me for a second. [gets up from the table] Jim: [to babysitter] So... how do you guys know each other? Woman: I was his babysitter. Pam: And now you guys are dating? Dwight: Purely carnal and that's all you need to know. Jim: Would you write down your e-mail because I have just so many questions... Woman: E-mail? Jim: Nevermind. Michael: Ok... alright... here we go. [takes down huge painting behind his seat and puts up a neon beer sign] There. [plugs it in] Oooookay. Jim: That's nice. Michael: Everybody enjoying their meal? Jan: Hey babe? Michael: Yeah? Jan: How about we take the beer sign down until our guests leave and then we can discuss it. Michael: No. No. I'm gonna leave it up. I think it ties the whole room together. Jan: Ok. [gets up and goes over to the stereo and turns on Hunter's CD really loud] Michael: [to the guests] Jan thinks Hunter is very talented. You know what? I don't think he's that good. Jan: At least he's an artist. Michael: BFD. I'm a screenwriter. Jan: [shouting] AND I'M A CANDLEMAKER BUT YOU DON'T HEAR ME BRAGGING ABOUT IT! Michael: NO ALL YOU DO IS YOU GET ME TO TRY TO WORK ON MY RICH FRIENDS! Jan: FOR AN INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY! Michael: MAN! I WOULD LOVE TO BURN YOUR CANDLES! Jan: YOU BURN IT. YOU BUY IT! Michael: OH GOOD. I'LL BE YOUR FIRST CUSTOMER! Jan: AND YOU'RE HARDLY MY FIRST! Michael: [yells] THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! [Jan gets an evil look on her face and picks up Michael's dundie and throws it into his plasma screen tv] THAT IS A 200 DOLLAR PLASMA SCREEN TV YOU JUST KILLED! Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a year salary plus benefits, babe! [Jan goes upstairs crying.] Woman: I'm gonna get going. Dwight: Fine. Get outta here. Jim: It's getting late. Michael: You know what guys, she'll be out of the bathroom soon. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [Jim and Pam head out the door and there are policemen at the door] Of course Dwight: Get out of my way, I'll take care of this. OK.[to police] Uhhh what seems to be the problem officers? Officer 1: Not now Dwight, We got a call about a disturbance? Michael: Nope. Nope. Nothing disturbing here. Just a couple of friends having an awesome dinner party. Officer 2: The neighbors said they heard some shouting. Michael: Oh... yes. There was some screaming but... um... my girlfriend... threw a dundie at my TV. Plasma. Officer 1: You wanna press charges? Michael: Would she get into trouble? Officer: Yes. She'd be charged. Michael: I will take the fall. I did it. Officer 2: You know you don't have to press charges, you could just try to be more quiet. Jan: [running out the door)] Michael! [pleading] Michael. What are you doing to him? Officer 1: Sir, do you have any other place you can stay? Maybe with one of your friends here? Dwight: [puts his hand on the Officer's shoulder] Michael can come home with me. Michael: Jim? Pam? Jim: Oh... my apartment's on fire Pam: [whispers] Flooded. Jim: Flooded. Dwight: You people. [to Michael] Come on. You're sleeping with me. Michael: No. Dwight: I'm gonna take you home Michael. Michael: Nope. Dwight: Alright. [leads Michael away] Jan: Bye Babe! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [Pam and Jim are sitting in Jim's car in front of Detroit Coney Island Chili Dogs] This is the best burger I've ever had, babe. Jim: You know, babe, I should have told you but... I did something bad. Pam: Hmm? Jim: [holds up Hunter's CD] I stole this. [Pam laughs] For you babe. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [Hunter's voice starts singing, Pam joins in] One night... [SCENE_BREAK] [Cut to Michael holding his head out of Dwight's car] [SCENE_BREAK] [Cut to Andy and Angela in Andy's car eating Ice cream. Andy tries to steal a bite of Angela's. She rolls down the window and smashes it against his car] [SCENE_BREAK] [Jan is watching Michael's cracked plasma screen TV and tries to fix his Dundie.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Michael and Dwight slow at a red light and see the woman at the bus stop, she waves to Dwight, who passes her by.]

Michael and Jan invite Jim, Pam, Andy, and Angela to a dinner party at the couple's condominium. When Michael and Jan begin to argue after the discussion of having children arises, the party's guests go to various measures to try to escape. The party is thrown into further confusion when Dwight, still pining for Angela, arrives with his former babysitter as his date. As the fighting between Michael and Jan escalates, the police are eventually called by a neighbor. The party culminates with Michael leaving Jan.

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1: EXT. STREET IN LOP (TEGANA takes the phial of poison from his ally and stares at it.) TEGANA: I will use it well...on all but the first of Marco Polo's water gourds, for tomorrow, the caravan sets out to cross the Gobi Desert. Now, you will follow us...and on the third night, I will walk back to you...then we're gonna ride back here to Lop, wait for two days...and then...return to the caravan...to collect the...thing of magic...that will bring the mighty Kublai Khan to his knees! [SCENE_BREAK] 2: MARCO POLO'S JOURNAL (The map illustrates the next stage of the journey of MARCO POLO'S caravan.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Again, POLO writes and narrates his journal. His words are illustrated by the image of the TARDIS once more on the back of a horse-drawn wagon with attendant Mongol bearers.) MARCO POLO: (OOV.) I have taken charge of the travellers' unusual caravan, and set out into the Gobi Desert. The journey across this vast ocean of sand is slow and hazardous. To make matters worse, the old Doctor continually shows his disapproval of my action by being both difficult and bad-tempered. For three days now, during which time we have covered no more than thirty miles, I have had to endure his insults. [SCENE_BREAK] 3: EXT. GOBI DESERT (NIGHT) (The tent has been erected on the sands of the desert.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (Inside the main tent, IAN and BARBARA are with MARCO POLO and TEGANA. SUSAN sits quietly nearby. The three people from the TARDIS are no longer in their own clothes but, not allowed access to the TARDIS, wear Chinese clothes. SUSAN wears a two-piece robe which reaches down to the floor, the upper part of which has flower decorations, while IAN wears a jacket which is decorated in Chinese letters. BARBARA'S top is plainer in style. The DOCTOR is absent from the meal which they have just finished. PING-CHO, again carrying out her serving duties, pours some water for IAN.) IAN: Thank you, Ping-Cho. (He drinks.) IAN: How much water does a caravan like this use crossing the Gobi Desert, Marco? MARCO POLO: We will use one barrel every five days, Ian. I have allowed for eight gourds to carry us across to the other side. TEGANA: The bones of many men who thought they had enough lie bleached in the desert sand. (He holds up his bowl to nervous PING-CHO and gives a curt order...) TEGANA: More. MARCO POLO: I think we should exercise some restraint, Tegana. (With some relief, PING-CHO moves off. POLO turns to an upset SUSAN.) MARCO POLO: I'm sorry the Doctor wouldn't eat with us this evening. SUSAN: Yes, so am I, Messr Marco. (Near to tears, she picks up the DOCTOR'S plate.) SUSAN: I'll take him his food. (SUSAN takes the plate behind a partition into the DOCTOR'S section of the tent. MARCO POLO brings out a chessboard from one of his travel bags.) MARCO POLO: A game of chess, Ian? IAN: Oh, well I'm not very good, but I'll give you a game. MARCO POLO: I gladly accept your challenge. (MARCO POLO sets up the chessboard. BARBARA is intrigued by the intricately carved wooden pieces.) BARBARA: What magnificent pieces! MARCO POLO: Yes, I purchased them in Hormuz, on my first journey to Cathay. Now they go with me everywhere. Do you, er, play...? (At that moment, SUSAN, still upset, returns with the untouched plate...) SUSAN: I'm sorry, Messr. Marco... (She suddenly starts to rush from the tent. BARBARA watches her go but before she can do anything, TEGANA, seemingly oblivious to what has happened, speaks to BARBARA with unusual courtesy...) TEGANA: Do you play chess, lady? BARBARA: Not very well, Tegana. (BARBARA, concerned with SUSAN'S sudden departure, decides to follow the girl.) BARBARA: Excuse me. (She walks from the tent. IAN and MARCO POLO prepare for their game of chess. TEGANA watches them with interest.) TEGANA: I find it a fascinating game of...strategy of war. Two equally balanced armies deployed upon a field of battle, and each commander determined to be the one who cries "Shahmat". IAN: (Puzzled.) Shahmat? Checkmate? TEGANA: (Quietly.) It means the king is dead. [SCENE_BREAK] 5: EXT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (BARBARA finds SUSAN standing outside the main tent. She is still clearly upset. There is a strong wind starting to blow.) BARBARA: We'll get the TARDIS back, Susan. SUSAN: Yes, but at Kublai Khan's Court, when it's too late. (She stares sadly up into the stars in the night sky.) SUSAN: We should be up there - another time, another galaxy. BARBARA: Oh, we'll think of something. SUSAN: How? Ian playing chess with Marco? Grandfather being rude and sulking by himself? BARBARA: Oh, I didn't know he's sulking, is he? SUSAN: Well, he won't eat. He won't even talk to me. BARBARA: Well, you know him better than I do. But I'd have said he was just feeling defenceless. He has a wonderful machine, capable of all sorts of miracles, and it's taken away from him by a man he calls a primitive. Look, TARDIS is the only home we have at the moment, and when we're in it, we feel safe and secure. But when we're out of it... (She looks out across the desert and sighs.) SUSAN: Will he talk to me? Confide in me? BARBARA: Oh, he's like a rubber ball. He'll come bouncing out of there soon full of ideas. (SUSAN stares back at the sky.) SUSAN: One day, we'll know all the mysteries of the skies...and we'll stop our wandering... BARBARA: Then you and I will say good-bye. SUSAN: (Surprised.) Hum? Oh, not yet. Not for a long time! BARBARA: Well, I think we should say goodnight anyway. SUSAN: Are you coming? BARBARA: No, not for the moment. SUSAN: Goodnight. (SUSAN runs back towards the main tent.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (SUSAN appears in the tent. The chess match is in progress and IAN, POLO and TEGANA stare intently at the board...) SUSAN: Ping-Cho? MARCO POLO: Shh! She's gone to bed. SUSAN: Oh, well...I'll go too then. Goodnight. IAN: Goodnight, Susan. MARCO POLO: Sleep well. (As SUSAN leaves to go to her room, MARCO POLO turns back to the chessboard.) MARCO POLO: Now, what was I about to do? Ah yes... (He moves a piece.) IAN: Ouch! [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. TENT. PING-CHO AND SUSAN'S ROOM (NIGHT) (SUSAN enters the room she shares with PING-CHO and sees that the young girl is not yet in bed but staring out of a side-flap in the tent.) SUSAN: Not asleep yet? PING-CHO: No, I was thinking. SUSAN: What about? PING-CHO: How peaceful it is in the desert. (SUSAN joins her and looks out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: EXT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) SUSAN: Oh, it's a lovely night! PING-CHO: The moon will rise later. That is the time to see the desert. It is like a great silver sea. SUSAN: (Almost to herself.) The metal seas of Venus... PING-CHO: Where? SUSAN: Oh, a long way from here. I've never seen a moonlit night. How long before the moon rises? PING-CHO: Two or three hours. I'll call you then. [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (In the main tent, the sight of the Gobi Desert at night has also captivated BARBARA. She returns to the three men and their chess game.) BARBARA: Night in the desert is very beautiful. MARCO POLO: Don't be deceived by it, Miss Wright. The desert is always dangerous. (IAN is concentrating on the chess game.) IAN: Like my Queen! (He moves a piece, still watched intently by TEGANA.) IAN: Check! TEGANA: Oh, Marco, can you save your King? MARCO POLO: I think so, Tegana. (MARCO POLO studies the board carefully before making a move.) MARCO POLO: Check. [SCENE_BREAK] 10: EXT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (Later on that night, when the rest of the camp is silent, SUSAN and PING-CHO emerge through the flap from their room in the tent. The moon has risen, and the two girls view the illuminated desert in amazement.) SUSAN: (In wonder.) Oh crazy! Hey, Ping-cho...! PING-CHO: Shh! The guard will hear you. (Puzzled.) Crazy? SUSAN: Hmm? It means I dig it. You know - like it. PING-CHO: This language of yours is very strange. (At that moment, TEGANA emerges from the main tent. He has a brief conversation with one of the Mongol bearers, and then moves off into the desert.) PING-CHO: Tegana! SUSAN: Let's follow him. PING-CHO: He will be angry! SUSAN: You're not afraid? PING-CHO: No, I am not. Come. (They follow TEGANA into the desert.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (IAN and MARCO POLO are sleeping in the main area of the tent on makeshift beds. Outside, the sounds of the horses becoming restless can be heard. The whinnying of the horses eventually wakes MARCO POLO. He gets up and moves to the doorway. IAN also wakes.) IAN: What is it, Marco? MARCO POLO: The horses are very restless. (IAN gets up and the two of them move outside as the horses whinny again.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: EXT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (They peer across the desert.) MARCO POLO: There's a sandstorm coming, Ian. IAN: How do you know? MARCO POLO: Notice how still it is - as if everything were waiting. (There is another whinny.) MARCO POLO: They sense it too. IAN: Will it be a bad one? MARCO POLO: Bad enough. I must attend to the horses. (He moves off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: EXT. DESERT (NIGHT) (SUSAN and PING-CHO continue following TEGANA through the desert. They are finding it difficult to keep up with the pace TEGANA is setting over the high dunes and deep furrows of sand, and are beginning to lose the warlord.) SUSAN: He walks so quickly. Can you still see him? PING-CHO: Yes. There he is, over there. (PING-CHO points out into the desert. Suddenly, SUSAN sits on the ground in exhaustion.) SUSAN: Oh, let's give up. PING-CHO: Who is afraid now? SUSAN: No, I'm not afraid. It's...it's just that it's so hot. I can hardly breathe. PING-CHO: Yet it was most pleasant when we left the caravan. (SUSAN gets up.) SUSAN: Oh, come on, let's go back. PING-CHO: All right. (They start to clamber back over the dunes.) PING-CHO: Susan, listen! (SUSAN does so, and manages to hear the faint sounds of swirling wind. SUSAN suddenly sees something.) SUSAN: What's that? PING-CHO: Where? (SUSAN points towards a hazy mist on the horizon as the wind starts to get louder.) SUSAN: That cloud on the horizon. (PING-CHO sees the ominous clouds of billowing sand.) PING-CHO: Susan, it's a sandstorm! SUSAN: What! It's coming this way! Ping-Cho, we must get back before it reaches us! PING-CHO: No, the caravan is too far away! (SUSAN tries to drag her away.) SUSAN: (Shouts.) No, come on! We must get back. We can't stay here! PING-CHO: (Shouts.) No, we'll get caught in it - and we'll never find our way! SUSAN: (Shouts.) Ping-Cho, come on! PING-CHO: (Shouts.) No, we must shelter here. SUSAN: (Shouts.) No! (The wind begins to fiercely swirl around them.) PING-CHO: (Shouts.) [SCENE_BREAK] (The two girls hold on to each other as they are caught in the sandstorm.) SUSAN: (Shouts.) Ping-Cho! [SCENE_BREAK] PING-CHO: (Shouts.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Their cries and the sound of the blasting wind mingles with the noise of the "singing" sands which manifests itself as a series of shrieks and babbles.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (Back at the main tent, BARBARA is woken by the sounds of the approaching sandstorm, and appears from her section of the tent. IAN and MARCO are back inside. They have to shout to make themselves heard over the shrieks of the storm.) BARBARA: (Shouts.) Ian, what is it? What's happened? IAN: (Shouts.) Don't be afraid, Barbara. It's a sandstorm. BARBARA: (Shouts.) But the... IAN: (Shouts.) It sounds as if all the devils in hell were laughing! MARCO POLO: (Shouts.) It's the wind shifting the sand! BARBARA: (Shouts.) It's terrifying! MARCO POLO: Not always, Barbara. Sometimes it sounds like musical instruments being played - the clashing of drums and cymbals. I've heard it sound like a great many people talking as they travelled across the desert. It can also be like a...like a familiar voice calling your name. You're not the only one to be afraid. Travellers of the Gobi Desert have good reason to fear the singing sands, Barbara. (MARCO walks off. IAN looks towards the DOCTOR'S room in the tent.) IAN: (Shouts.) It's fantastic that the Doctor's still asleep! (MARCO rushes back.) MARCO POLO: Tegana's not here! His bed's empty! IAN: (Shouts.) What?! MARCO POLO: Has anyone seen him? IAN: Well, he can't be out in this! MARCO POLO: He must be! BARBARA: Well, what will happen to him? MARCO POLO: If he finds shelter, he'll be all right! BARBARA: Well...well, can't we do anything? MARCO POLO: Nothing. (IAN and MARCO POLO listen helplessly as the sand swirls outside.) BARBARA: I think I'll see if the girls are all right... (She goes towards the girl's room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. TENT. PING-CHO AND SUSAN'S ROOM (NIGHT) (She sees that the room is empty.) BARBARA: Ping-Cho! [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) MARCO POLO: (To IAN.) Tegana's no fool. He can look after himself. Don't worry... (BARBARA runs back from the girl's room in a hysterical condition.) BARBARA: (Shouts.) They're gone...they're not there! IAN: (Shouts.) Gone? BARBARA: (Shouts.) Their beds are empty! (BARBARA rushes for the door. IAN and MARCO POLO hold her back and she struggles in their grasp.) IAN: (Shouts.) Wait! MARCO POLO: (Shouts.) No! IAN: (Shouts.) Barbara! MARCO POLO: (Shouts.) Barbara, you can't go out there! BARBARA: (Shouts.) Let go! MARCO POLO: (Shouts.) Barbara, you'll be lost in seconds! BARBARA: (Shouts.) [SCENE_BREAK] IAN: (Shouts.) Calm down, Barbara! Marco is right - there's nothing we can do! BARBARA: (Shouts.) The girls! IAN: (Shouts.) We must wait until the storm blows itself out! MARCO POLO: (Shouts.) There's nothing we can do now! (BARBARA rounds on POLO, sobbing.) BARBARA: (Shouts.) Oh, it's all your fault anyway! If you hadn't kept us prisoner here, none of this would have happened! (The babbling and shrieking of the storm reaches a new crescendo.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: EXT. DESERT (NIGHT) (SUSAN and PING-CHO huddle closer to one another as the sandstorm billows around them. SUSAN thinks she can hear her name being called with the chatters and shrieks. The voice she hears is deep and booming...) VOICE: Ssuuuuuussssaaaaaaaannnnnnnn! SUSAN: Ping-Cho, what's that? VOICE: Ssuuuuuussssaaaaaaaannnnnnnn! SUSAN: (Shouts.) There it is again...It's Ian...I can hear him! (An insane monkey-like babble echoes through the storm.) VOICE: Ssuuuuuussssaaaaaaaannnnnnnn! SUSAN: (Shouts.) It's Ian! PING-CHO: (Shouts.) Susan, it isn't! It's the desert saying it! SUSAN: (Shouts.) It is! It's Ian! Ian! (SUSAN pushes PING-CHO away and tries to scramble up a dune.) SUSAN: (Shouts.) Ian! Ian, we're here! Ian! (She suddenly sees a shadow looming over her from out of the sand. She screams...) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (IAN waits impatiently for the storm to pass.) IAN: How soon can we go and look for them? MARCO POLO: Not until it's light. IAN: Let me go as soon as the storm's over! MARCO POLO: Ian, you'd miss them in the dark. You must wait till it's light! [SCENE_BREAK] 19: EXT. DESERT (NIGHT) (SUSAN recognises the figure as TEGANA. The warlord looks down at the two cowering girls.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (The storm has passed. IAN, BARBARA and MARCO POLO wait in the main tent. BARBARA is frantic with worry and impatience.) BARBARA: (Shouts.) We can't just go on sitting here! (IAN looks towards the DOCTOR'S room.) IAN: Shh! The Doctor's still asleep. We don't want him to know about the girls. MARCO POLO: Barbara, I give you my word that until we find the girls, we will not leave this place. (The group looks up, startled, as TEGANA, SUSAN and PING-CHO enter the tent. BARBARA jumps up and rushes to SUSAN.) BARBARA: Susan! Do you know you had us half-worried to death. Where've you been? SUSAN: (Quietly.) We went for a walk. BARBARA: A walk! MARCO POLO: (Furious.) Without asking me?! Don't you dare do that again! Do you understand? That also applies for you, Ping-Cho. SUSAN: I'm sorry, Messr Marco. Has...has Grandfather been very worried? IAN: Luckily for you, he's been asleep the whole time. MARCO POLO: And we don't want him to know anything about this. (He looks at the Mongol warlord.) MARCO POLO: I'm surprised that you'd encourage such a venture, Tegana. TEGANA: (Surprised.) Ahh...they weren't with me! I found them - crouched behind a sand dune. MARCO POLO: (Puzzled.) You were alone? TEGANA: (Nonchalantly.) Ah, well, it was a pleasant night. I decided for a walk. I told the guard - he knew all about it. MARCO POLO: (Sternly.) In future, the guards will be told to notify me immediately if any of you wish to leave the camp. (He looks at the bedraggled girls.) MARCO POLO: Now go and change, we have to break camp soon. SUSAN: Yes, Messr Marco. (SUSAN and PING-CHO walk off. BARBARA approaches MARCO POLO who is starting to pack his things.) BARBARA: This has been a terrible experience for us all, Marco. Couldn't we spend one more night here? MARCO POLO: I'm sorry, Miss Wright. BARBARA: But surely one day can't make all that much difference? MARCO POLO: One day without progress is one day's water wasted. And in the Gobi Desert, that could mean the difference between life and death. (Behind them, TEGANA walks back outside unseen...) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: EXT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (Outside, he removes the phial of poison from his pocket. He studies the poison carefully.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: MARCO POLO'S JOURNAL (MARCO POLO writes in his journal. The map illustrates their place in the desert.) MARCO POLO: (OOV.) Progress today has been good, although we were all very tired after a sleepless night. How can I ever repay Tegana for saving Ping-Cho and Susan? We covered fifteen miles before I gave the order to set up camp for the night. [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. TENT: PING-CHO AND SUSAN'S ROOM (NIGHT) (SUSAN is frantically brushing her hair as PING-CHO enters.) PING-CHO: Susan! Susan! (SUSAN continues brushing.) SUSAN: I can't get this sand out of my hair. PING-CHO: Last night there were moments when I was sure I would never be here again. (PING-CHO settles down in her bed. SUSAN finishes her hair and lowers her voice...) SUSAN: Ping-Cho, did you believe Tegana last night, when he told Messr Marco about going for a walk? PING-CHO: Why not? SUSAN: Well, I don't think Tegana's the kind of man who goes for a walk just because it's a nice night. I think he goes because he has a reason to go. PING-CHO: Susan, why would he lie to Messr Marco? SUSAN: I don't know! PING-CHO: He's an important man - the special emissary of the great Mongol leader who has been at war with Kublai Khan. Tegana is to arrange a peaceful settlement between them. Would a man like that lie about walking in the desert? SUSAN: No! No, he wouldn't. That's what's so strange... PING-CHO: What? SUSAN: The fact that he did. [SCENE_BREAK] 24: INT. MAIN TENT (NIGHT) (In the main tent, TEGANA is polishing his sword, while MARCO POLO writes in his journal.) TEGANA: What is that you do? MARCO POLO: I keep a journal. TEGANA: Why? MARCO POLO: Because it interests me. (MARCO POLO continues to write. Suddenly, TEGANA yells out POLO'S name...) TEGANA: Marco! (...and lunges at MARCO POLO with his sword. POLO reacts quickly to parry the blow.) TEGANA: (Admiringly.) That's excellent, excellent! But it's better a man keeps the blade of his sword clean...than its edge sharp. You continue your writing, Marco. I'll see to the horses tonight. (He heads for the door.) TEGANA: I'll, er, I'll give the guard his instructions. MARCO POLO: No! Send him to me. (TEGANA hesitates.) MARCO POLO: Please. (TEGANA leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: EXT. THE WATER WAGON (NIGHT) (Once outside the main tent, TEGANA walks towards the wagon containing the water gourds. There is a guard there. TEGANA whistles and this draws the guard away. TEGANA then moves to the back of the wagon and stabs each gourd with his sword. The precious water splashes all over the ground.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: EXT. THE WATER WAGON (The next morning, IAN, MARCO POLO and BARBARA survey the damage caused to their water supply.) IAN: All of them, Marco? MARCO POLO: Yes, except for the one we're using. (They walk round the wagon and look over the gourds.) IAN: How much is there left? MARCO POLO: Without rationing, enough for today. IAN: And with rationing, how long will it last? MARCO POLO: Three - four days. BARBARA: Is there enough to get us back to Lop? MARCO POLO: If we're very careful with it, yes. IAN: But who could have done it? MARCO POLO: Bandits, Ian. BARBARA: (Surprised.) Bandits? In the desert? MARCO POLO: Yes, this has happened before, but not to me. The bandits follow a caravan out into the desert. Then one night, this happens. The caravan is forced to turn back. Then, when everyone is weak through lack of water, the bandits attack. IAN: So if we turn back, we're bound to be attacked. MARCO POLO: Yes. (TEGANA silently joins the group having heard this exchange.) TEGANA: Then we shall fight. IAN: There must be somewhere else we can go to? MARCO POLO: The nearest is a small oasis, but that's one week's journey north from here. IAN: Marco, if we pressed really hard, walked day and night, how long would it take us? MARCO POLO: Five, possibly six days. IAN: As long as that? MARCO POLO: Yes, and with the water rationed we'll be growing weaker all the time. There is another danger, Ian - bandits always camp near an oasis. BARBARA: Well, then we must go back to Lop. IAN: But they're bound to be waiting for us there! No, we must go north, and take a chance. MARCO POLO: Yes, what Ian says makes sense. We go to the oasis. TEGANA: We shall all die of thirst. I will not go. MARCO POLO: Then what will you do? TEGANA: Return to Lop. I'm not afraid of any bandits. Just give me my share of the water... MARCO POLO: (Interrupts.) No, Tegana. TEGANA: (Quietly menacing.) You refuse the Warlord Tegana? MARCO POLO: I am commander of this caravan, and I am responsible to Kublai Khan for your safety. We go north, together. (Defeated for the moment, TEGANA stares at POLO...) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: MARCO POLO'S JOURNAL (The map shows the slow progress that the caravan is making.) MARCO POLO: (OOV.) Have I made the right decision? Each day, our progress towards the oasis becomes less. On the first day, we covered twenty miles. On the second, fifteen. The third, ten. The fourth day's total was eight. Now on the fifth day we have travelled only two miles before the heat of the sun has forced us to stop. We are nearly exhausted, and our situation is perilous... [SCENE_BREAK] 28: EXT. DESERT. CAMP (The sun continues to beat down relentlessly on the caravan. The weary travellers, now including the DOCTOR, lie motionless in the shade of the wagons underneath an awning gazing out across the merciless baking sands. MARCO POLO comes along and shares out the last few drops of water.) MARCO POLO: The worst of the sun is nearly over. We must move on again as soon we've had this. (Everyone drinks his or her water in silence. They are all seriously affected by heat exhaustion.) IAN: Have the bearers had their ration? (MARCO nods and pours IAN his water but the ration runs out before MARCO can take his.) IAN: You take it. MARCO POLO: We will share. (IAN accepts the offer and drinks.) DOCTOR: Marco, is this all we're going to get until tonight, mm? MARCO POLO: Until we reach the oasis, Doctor, yes. DOCTOR: Mmm. BARBARA: There's no more? (MARCO shakes his head.) TEGANA: How much further? MARCO POLO: I cannot say. TEGANA: I will go to the oasis and bring back water. (TEGANA stands and starts to stumble towards where his horse is reined.) MARCO POLO: Do you think you could reach the oasis? TEGANA: Yes, my...my horse is still the strongest. (POLO considers.) MARCO POLO: Very well, Tegana. (TEGANA stumbles away but stops for a last word...) TEGANA: You, er, wait for me here. MARCO POLO: No, while we can, we'll push on towards the oasis. (TEGANA considers...) TEGANA: Right. (TEGANA leaves to fetch his horse. IAN calls out weakly after him.) IAN: Good luck, Tegana... MARCO POLO: We must go. (The group gets up and prepares to leave.) DOCTOR: Susan...help me up... (Suddenly, as SUSAN helps him, the DOCTOR collapses unconscious.) SUSAN: Oh, Grandfather! (IAN rushes over to assist.) SUSAN: What's the...what the matter with him? IAN: He's exhausted. MARCO POLO: We'll fix up a cot for him in the wagon. BARBARA: To be jostled and bumped about? He needs to rest in comfort, Marco. What about the TARDIS? (POLO hesitates...) IAN: He'd be more comfortable, Marco. (Still he doesn't answer. The three companions of the DOCTOR look at him pleadingly.) SUSAN: Please, Messr Marco! (POLO reaches a decision with reluctance.) MARCO POLO: Very well. The Doctor can travel in his own caravan. Susan, you can go with him. But you, Barbara, and you, Ian, must remain with me. IAN: Thank you. (He takes POLO to one side in order that the others don't hear him.) IAN: Marco...without water, the Doctor isn't going to last twenty-four hours. MARCO POLO: None of us are, Ian - without water. (Sighs.) Our fate rests with Tegana. [SCENE_BREAK] 29: EXT. OASIS (TEGANA has arrived at the oasis and is greedily drinking the water. Behind him are the remains of man-made structures - posts standing starkly against the desert sky. He fills a water gourd, and stands, triumphantly holding it to the sky.) TEGANA: Here's water, Marco Polo! (He tips the gourd and pours the contents over the sand by the pool.) TEGANA: Come for it!

Missing episode Arriving in Central Asia in 1289, the Doctor and his companions join the caravan of the famous Venetian explorer Marco Polo as it makes its way from the snowy heights of the Pamir Plateau, across the treacherous Gobi Desert and through the heart of imperial Cathay. Having witnessed many incredible sights and survived a variety of dangers, they arrive at the mighty Kublai Khan's Summer Palace in Shang-tu, where the Doctor strikes up an extraordinary friendship with the now-aged ruler. They move on at last to the even more sumptuous Imperial Palace in Peking, where the travellers save the Khan from an assassination attempt by the Mongol warlord Tegana - supposedly on a peace mission - before departing once more in the TARDIS.

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Act 1 Scene 1 - The Radio Station. Fade in. Frasier is on the air. Frasier: Go ahead, Sophie, I'm listening. Sophie: [v.o.] Hi, Dr. Crane. My husband's having some of his friends over to watch the game Sunday, and I think it'd be nice if I could have some of my girlfriends over too. Frasier: Sounds reasonable. Sophie: Exactly. I mean, it's just football. Larry: [in the background] Not football, Einstein, the Super Bowl. Frasier: Ah, that would be your doting husband now. Sophie: Larry, this is a private conversation. And for God's sake, use a plate! Frasier: Sophie, why don't you put your husband on the line? Sophie: Pick up. Larry: Ah, geez. [picks up, louder] Hello! Frasier: Larry, I gotta tell you, I'm afraid I side with your wife on this one. Larry: That just proves you don't know the first thing about football. Frasier: What I do or do not know about football has... Larry: OK, how's this: My wife's friends can come over if you can answer even one little football question. Like... Frasier: Now, I don't see that that's in any... Larry: You're down by six, you're on your own forty, three seconds left, what do you do? Frasier: Well, all right, you would... Roz gets his attention and grabs two telephone handsets. Frasier: You would take your receivers, [Roz sets them together] and line them up, [she pretends to throw] and then throw a pass. [big throwing gesture] A long, long pass. Larry: Yeah, and what's the name for that? Roz gets down on her knees, crosses herself, and prays with an innocent look on her face. Frasier: A Hail Mary. [Roz gives him the thumbs up.] Sophie and Larry, I hope you enjoy the game. In the meanwhile, this is Coach Crane saying, I'm listening. Roz comes over to change some tapes on Frasier's console. Roz: I'm impressed you're so good at charades. Frasier: I'm impressed you could mime a virgin. So, Roz, you walkin' out? Roz: No, I got stuff I gotta do. I've got some carts to rack, and I want to put together some Best of Crane tapes. Frasier: Oh, your mother's still in town? Roz: In town, in my apartment, and when I left this morning, in my refrigerator, smelling my milk! Frasier: Oh, lord. Roz: I, I love her, I just wish I could get a couple of hours to myself one night. Frasier: Well, why don't you just ask her? She might enjoy a little time to herself. I know my dad does. Roz: You are so lucky. I wish my mother drank alone. They walk over to Roz's side. Frasier: You know, Roz, your mom's about the same age as my dad, isn't she? Roz: Yeah, I guess. Frasier: Does she date much? Roz: Since my father left, practically never... no, hang on... Frasier: No, no, hear me out, Roz. Now, Dad hasn't dated anybody since he and Sherry broke up, I'm starting to worry he's lost his nerve. A date with your mom could be a tremendous favor to him. Roz: I don't know. Frasier: Oh, come on, I'll tell you what: I know it's awkward but there's a way to minimize that. Niles and I are having dinner with him tonight. We'll take him to McGinty's, he'll feel comfortable, you and your mother can just happen by. We'll see what transpires, you know, they'll never even know it's a fix-up. Roz: Oh, what the hell, I'll give it a shot, I guess. How's five sound? Frasier: Five? Your mother is ready for dinner at five? Roz: I keep her on Wisconsin time, that way she's in bed by eight. Frasier walks out. FADE OUT. A.K.A THE LAST ONION OUT OF POMPEII Scene 2 - McGinty's Fade in. Niles and Frasier are sitting at a table, Martin brings a plate over. Martin: Hey, look what I got here, boys! A Funion Onion. The chef sent it over with his compliments. Frasier: I wonder what his insults are like. Martin: [to a waitress] Hey, Bonnie! Bonnie: Hey ya, Marty. Oh, you must be Frasier, the big radio star. Frasier: Oh, yes. Hello. Bonnie: Your dad is so proud of you, he talks about you all the time. Who's your friend? Martin: Now, what's wrong with you? I told you about my other son. Bonnie: [shaking Niles's hand] Oh, of course, what am I thinking? Nice to meet you, Eddie. Martin: This is Niles. How 'bout some beers, Bonnie? Bonnie: Coming right up. Niles: Oh God, look. The group coming in the door, they're from the Shangri-La. A group of guys come over and punch Niles on the shoulder. He puts up his fists and weaves back and forth. Jimbo: Whoa, it's the Coyote! Niles: Evening, evening, Jimbo. Check you later. The guys go over to the bar. Martin: Wow, you got a nickname down there already. That's great! The Coyote? Niles: Yes. Frasier: And how did you earn that honorific? Niles: Oh, it was quite the merry road. Yes. It evolved from Niles to Nilesy to Niley to Nile E. Coyote and now simply "The Coyote." The guys at the bar start howling at him. Niles: Oh, well, just when I thought it couldn't be refined any further. Roz and her mother, Joanna, come in. [N.B. Eva Marie Saint's first (and Oscar-winning) film role was as Edie Doyle, Marlon Brando's love interest in 1954's "On the Waterfront."] Frasier: Oh, goodness, look who's here! Roz! Roz: What? We don't see enough of each other during the day? Frasier: Hello, Joanna. Joanna: Nice to see you again, Frasier. Frasier: Nice to see you again, too. Please, won't you sit down and join us? Joanna: Oh, no, we don't want to intrude. Frasier: Oh, no, no, please, the more the merrier. Roz: All right. Mom, this is Frasier's dad, Martin Crane. This is my mom, Joanna Doyle. Martin: Very nice to meet you. And this is my other son, Niles. Niles: How do you do? Joanna: It's a pleasure. DISSOLVE TO: after dinner. Martin and Joanna have cleaned their plates, while the others still have food. Frasier: Roz, will you just look at the two of them. Roz: How did you two manage to finish all that? Joanna: Oh, please. This is how our generation ate every day. I used to live on cigarettes, whiskey sours and bacon cheeseburgers. Martin: Yeah, and what about breakfast? Fried eggs, sausage patties, hash browns... Niles: My God, last night I ate a profiterole and lay awake 'til dawn waiting for my heart attack. Joanna: Those were simpler times, weren't they, Marty? Martin: Oh yeah, we didn't worry about dumb things like cholesterol. We worried about puttin' food on the table, keepin' the yard clean and the car shiny. Joanna: And the H-bomb. Martin: Well, yeah, that. Frasier: Say, Roz, we better be going if we're going to get that work done tonight. Niles: Oh, I should be going too. Roz: Mom and me are going to that jazz club on Fifth. Frasier: But we promised to finish those promos tonight. Roz: Oh, right. Mom, I'm sorry, I totally forgot. Joanna: It's OK. Frasier: Wait, I've got an idea. Uh, Dad, since I'm kidnapping Roz, why don't you take Joanna to the jazz club? Martin: Well, sure, I'd love to. Roz: Is that OK with you, Mom? Joanna: If Martin's game, I'm game. Frasier: Oh, well, perfect. OK, you kids just have some coffee, we'll see you back at the apartment later, OK? Joanna: All right. Niles: Very, very nice to meet you. Joanna: Thank you. Roz, Frasier and Niles go to pay the check. Joanna: Look at them. They think we don't know this is a setup. Martin: Well, how could we figure it out? We're just a retired detective and an attorney general. [they laugh] CUT TO: Roz and Frasier by the bar. Roz: You were absolutely right, they didn't suspect a thing. Frasier: I told you Roz, just leave it to the master. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3 - Frasier's Apartment. Fade in. Daphne is sitting in Martin's chair eating popcorn and watching television. Roz brings another bowl in from the kitchen. Frasier is on the couch. Roz: God, I thought they'd be home by now. Frasier: Roz, will you please relax and watch the pageant with us? They're right in the middle of the talent competition. [She sits next to him.] Daphne: It's shameless the way they're sucking up to the international panel of judges. Miss Germany just played "Lady of Spain" on a French horn. Frasier: Roz, you're gonna chew that nail right off. Stop it. Roz: I can't help it. I'm nervous. Do you think it's gonna turn out OK? Frasier: Who cares? Daphne: Not for Miss Brazil. Look at the tree trunks on her. She's her own little rain forest. Roz: I just keep worrying that she's gonna have a lousy time, and it will be all my fault. Screwing up, like always. Frasier: Oh, come on, Roz. Your mother doesn't think you're a screwup. Roz: Oh, yeah? In high school, I ran my own informal shoplifting clinic. In college, I dropped out of pre-law because it interfered with Bruce Springsteen's touring schedule. And now I'm an unwed mother. What would you call me? Daphne: Tramp. Frasier: Daphne! Daphne: It's Miss Venezuela. If that dress of hers was slit any higher, you could see Caracas. Frasier stares at the set, Roz has to nudge him to get his attention. Frasier: Oh, oh, Roz. You know what? So what if they don't get along? So we made a mistake. Roz: [getting up for some sherry] You don't understand. My mother doesn't make mistakes. She does everything well. She's smart, successful, classy... oh, what the hell was I thinking? Frasier: [rising] About what? Setting her up with my father? Roz: No, that's not what I meant. Frasier: That is exactly what you meant! Roz: Well, OK, Frasier. No offense, your father is a very nice man, but let's face it: My mother was the attorney general of Wisconsin. Frasier: Well I hope he remembers to curtsey before the Dairy Queen! Daphne: [getting up] This is ridiculous. I'm going to watch this in my room. Miss Finland just laid out her plan to end world hunger, and I missed it! She goes off to her room. There is the sound of the key in the lock at the front door. Frasier: Oh, lord. He and Roz hurry to sit on the couch. Frasier: Oh, Roz, that is the best promo of all. Roz: Oh, hi! How was your evening? Joanna: Oh, the jazz was first rate. But I'm afraid I talked Martin's ear off. Martin: Oh, you're crazy. Your mother tells wonderful stories, Roz. I could have listened to her all night. Joanna: You are either too kind or a little tipsy. But thank you. Come on, Lammy. I really had a lovely time. Martin: Well, I can't remember when I had a better time. We're gonna have to do this again. Joanna: Bye, Frasier. Frasier: Goodnight, Joanna. Lammy. They leave and Frasier turns to Martin. Frasier: [grinning] So... Tell me all about it. Martin: Well, being a gentleman, I don't want to go into the details, so suffice it to say, it STUNK! Frasier: What? Martin: [putting up his coat] That was the dullest evening of my life. The way she drones on and on. Do you know how many metric tons of eggs Wisconsin produces every year? Frasier: No. Martin: Well, I do! Frasier: Oh... Martin: Look, Frasier, I know you meant well, but if you ever set me up again, I'll kill you in your sleep. Goodnight. He goes off to bed. There is a quiet but insistent knocking at the door. Frasier opens it to reveal Roz. Roz: [excited] I told my mom to meet me downstairs. I just had to come up and tell you. She had the best time! She can't wait to go out with your father again. Will you tell him to call her tomorrow? Oh, Frasier, this whole thing worked out like a dream! Martin: [crossing to the kitchen] It's amazing! Her voice is still echoing in my head! Frasier: Yes, it's like a fairy tale over here, too. Roz leaves. FADE OUT. End of Act 1 Act 2 Scene 1 - Cafe Nervosa. Fade in. Frasier and Niles are standing at the counter. Frasier: I've just got to find some way to tell Roz. Niles: Why? It's just going to hurt her mom's feelings. Frasier: Her feelings are going to be hurt anyway. She's here 'til Sunday. She's expecting him to call. Oh, dear God. At least this way Roz can let her down easy. Their coffees come. Niles: Looks like both of us have difficult conversations ahead of us. Frasier: What's yours? Niles: All week long, I have been getting less coffee and more foam in my cappuccino. It's about time for someone to raise a little hell. Who's on steamer duty? Frasier: Well, it's that hulking fellow, Thad. The one who doesn't react when his arm touches the steamer nozzle. Thad comes from the back. He is huge. Niles: Where is that suggestion box? He walks over and Roz comes in. Roz: Oh, hey Frasier. Frasier: Hi, Roz. Roz: Double espresso to go, please. [Roz and Frasier sit.] Listen, I really need to thank you again. My mother had the best time last night. And when we got home, WE started talking. We ended up staying up half the night. Frasier: Oh, Roz I'm glad for you, but... Roz: It was like a wall came down. She just opened up to me. She started talking about how hard it was on her when my dad left, and how lonely she's been, and it was like she was talking to a girlfriend instead of her screw-up daughter. So, has Martin called her yet? Frasier: No. But he will. Soon. Uh, he had a really busy morning. Roz: Well, how does this weekend look? 'Cause she's leaving Sunday night. Frasier: Sunday? Oh, well let's see, tonight is poker night, that's no good. Saturday he's made plans to, uh, drive Duke to Tacoma for that all day... Tacoma-Fest. Roz: Well, on Sunday we go to a matinee and then I drive her to the airport. Frasier: Oh, darn. Roz: Wait a minute. I can give my ticket to Martin and they can go together. Frasier: No, no, Sunday's no good, because that's the, uh... Roz: Oh right, it's the Super Bowl! Frasier: Right, the Super Bowl. You know how Dad is about football, it's like a religion with him. In fact, he's made Niles and I promise that we'd watch it with him this year. Roz: Oh, well, OK. Let's just forget about the tickets and we'll come over and watch the game. Is there any reason why that won't work? Frasier: Not that I can come up with. Roz: That's great, my mom's going to be so excited. [She turns to pay her bill, Niles takes it and puts it on the counter.] Oh, thank you, Niles. I'll see you Sunday at your Super Bowl party. She leaves and Niles sits. Niles: [sitting] I see you told Roz the news and she went insane. Frasier: Couldn't do it. Told her we were watching the Super Bowl with Dad and she and her mother are coming over. Niles: This is a nightmare! Frasier: I know. I've got to find some way to tell Dad. Niles: I have to watch the Super Bowl?! Frasier: I suppose the sooner I tell him, the better. Niles: Oh, not necessarily. Frasier: What do you mean? Niles: Well, you know Dad. If you warn him Joanna's coming over, he'll just bolt to McGinty's. If I were you, I'd wait until five minutes before game time and then spring it on him. That way he has no choice but to stay. Frasier: I think I owe him more than five minutes' warning. Besides, Dad would never deliberately hurt Joanna standing her up. He is first and foremost a gentleman. Martin comes in. Martin: I saw Roz, so I hid outside in case that old gasbag of a mother was with her. Well, I guess she wasn't, everybody's still awake. [SCENE_BREAK] ROUGHING THE PASSER Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Martin is watching the pre-game as Frasier paces nervously. Martin: Look at those guys in the locker room. Nervous, hearts pounding, probably a little sick to their stomachs, poor kids. Frasier: Yes. Until I got out of high school, I didn't there was any other way to feel in a locker room. Martin: What's the matter with you? You keep looking at your watch. Frasier: Was I? Martin: Yeah. Is there something on your mind? Frasier: No, no, but there's something I wanted to talk to you about, but now's not the time. The doorbell rings. Frasier: Now's the time. Martin: Just let me get the door. Frasier: No, Dad, Dad, that's what I have to talk to you about. You see, that's going to be Roz and her mother. Martin: What? Frasier: Well, Joanna had such a good time with you the other night, and you did say that you would see her again, and rather than send her home with her feelings hurt, I had to tell her you wanted her here. Martin: What, like a date? Frasier: Well, that's the beauty of it. It's like a date, but it's not a date. Just, you know, make small talk, you pass the dip. Martin: No, Frasier, you don't understand... Frasier: Now, Dad, I know you found her a little less than scintillating, but please, it'll be over before you know it. Frasier opens the door, Bonnie is there. Bonnie: Hey, Frasier. Frasier: Hi, Bonnie. Bonnie: Martin. Martin: Hey, Bonnie, glad you could make it. Let me hold this. See, this is what I was trying to tell you, Frasier, I invited Bonnie. Frasier: [taking her coat] Oh, how nice. Martin: Well, what do you got here? Bonnie: Oh, it's my special deviled ham in the shape of a football. But I still need to put on some macaroni laces. Martin: Oh, the kitchen's right down there, just holler if you need anything. [She heads over.] Frasier: What did you invite her for? Martin: Well, because I like her, and I thought I might want to ask her out, and I thought if she came over for the game it might be a step in the right direction. I mean "like a date but not a date." The doorbell rings again. Frasier: Now that's gonna be Roz and her mother. Bonnie: Should I put some coffee on while I'm in here? Martin: You better, we're gonna need it. Frasier: Would you come on, Dad? Would it kill you to be civil for the length of one Super Bowl? What is that, an hour out of your life? He opens the door to Joanna and Roz. Alice is with them. Martin: Hi! [The ladies shush them and motion to the baby.] Sorry. Come on in. Joanna: Thanks so much for inviting us. Martin: Wouldn't be fun without you. Roz: Frasier, could you show Mom where Alice can finish her nap? Frasier: I'm sure Dad would love to. Martin: My pleasure, just come this way, Joanna. So, you a big football fan? Joanna: No, actually I've never even seen a game. I was hoping you'd explain as we go along. They head down the hall, Martin pauses to glare at Frasier. Bonnie: [coming from the kitchen] OK, who's hungry? Oh, hey, I'm Bonnie. Roz: Hi, from McGinty's. I didn't know you were coming. Bonnie: Yeah, Martin invited me. He was real cute about it. He checked with all the waitresses to find out if I was single. Roz: Oh. [She looks questioningly at Frasier.] Frasier: Yes, well you know how Dad is always trying to, ah... Niles comes in. Bonnie: Hey, the Coyote! Frasier: Find a new girl for Niles. Niles, you remember Bonnie. She waited on us at McGinty's. Niles: Oh, of course. I'll have a vodka martini, very dry. Frasier: Don't be silly, Niles. Bonnie is here as our guest. Roz: Yeah, your dad thought you two might hit it off. Niles: [not enthused] Oh. Bonnie: [even less enthused] Oh. Niles: The Superbowl and a date. Hot diggity! Bonnie: Well, come here, you're just in time for my specialty. Niles: Oh, I... [She pops a cracker in his mouth.] Mmmm! Isn't that interesting! Something formerly ham. Daphne: [coming from her room] Well, I'm off to the cinema. Niles: You're not staying for the game? Daphne: Sorry, but Ameican football's not for me, and they're showing "Wuthering Heights" downtown. I think it's the most romantic movie ever made. Niles: You're going alone? Daphne: Yes, unfortunately. It's more fun to go with someone, except of course it always ends the same way: Me weeping all over me date's shoulder while he does what he can to comfort me. Bonnie: Oh, you should have seen me cry putting onions in this ham loaf. I must've gone through a whole roll of toilet paper. Daphne: Well, enjoy your game. Niles: Frasier, may I see you in the kitchen? Martin and Joanna come back. Martin: That's amazing! You do all you do and you still have time to be a docent at the cheese museum on the weekends? Frasier, can I see you in the kitchen? Frasier: Just a second, Dad, I gotta take drink orders in here. Cut to the kitchen. Martin comes in as Niles is rinsing his mouth at the tap. Niles: Thanks for setting me up with that Spam-happy tootsy. Martin: What are you talking about? Niles: Bonnie. Frasier told me you invited her here for me. Martin: I invited her here for me. He probably said I invited her for you because he didn't want to upset Miss Boring's feelings. Frasier: [entering] Now, now, no private conversations. Your dates are waiting. Martin: They're not our dates! Niles: We hate them! Frasier: Now listen. I realize that this is a very difficult situation, but if we all cooperate, we can send everybody home happy. Dad, if you would like, you can discretely take Bonnie aside and tell her what's going on. Martin: Bonnie, can I tell you something? Frasier: I said DISCRETELY! Cut to the living room. Joanna: I think the game is about to start. Roz: Oh, that reminds me, I want to get Alice's bottle warming. Bonnie: Oh, you have a baby? Joanna: Oh, the most adorable little girl. Martin: Oh, she's a real beaut! You oughta see her, Bonnie. Roz: You can come with me if you want when I feed her. Martin: No, you go ahead and get that ready, I'll show Bonnie, it's right through there. Frasier: Now, Dad, don't you get fresh with Niles's girl, there. Martin: Oh, I won't if he won't. He and Bonnie head to the bedroom. Joanna: Your father is really smitten with that baby, isn't he? Roz: I think he's just got a weak spot for the Doyle women. Joanna: Oh. Frasier: Yes, well, he may appear to have a crusty exterior, but deep down inside, Dad's just an old softy. Martin and Bonnie's voices come from the baby monitor Martin: [v.o.] Well, there's the kid. Kind of a goony-looking thing, isn't she? Niles: Is that Dad? Martin: Look, Bonnie, I gotta tell you somethin'. I didn't ask you here for Niles, I asked you here for me. Frasier: It's the baby monitor! We should just... Joanna: [grabbing it away from Niles and Frasier] Shh. I want to hear this. Bonnie: But I thought you were with Joanna. Martin: No, no. Frasier and Roz set us up last week. I told Frasier I thought she was a big snooze. Especially compared to the fun you and I have at the bar, but he stuck me with her again. Frasier: You know, I bet they know it's on... Roz: Yeah. Frasier: And they're just having some fun with us... Roz: Yeah. Joanna: Frasier, just stay put. Bonnie: Then Niles isn't my date? Oh, there's a relief. I mean, no offense, Marty, but... Martin: Hey, you don't have to tell me. Niles: [grabbing his coat] OK. If anybody wants me, I'll be at the movies. [He rushes out.] Bonnie: So you really like me? You're not just pulling my leg? Martin: You want proof? Joanna: I think we can turn this off now. Frasier: Joanna, I am so sorry. I know it sounded bad, but... Joanna: No, no, not at all. I'm sure your father meant "big snooze" in the most flattering sense. Roz, maybe we should leave. Roz: What were you thinking? Frasier: Oh, Roz, I certainly wasn't thinking that he had a date planned. Roz: I'm just going to get Alice. Mom, I'm so sorry. Joanna: Believe me. Twenty years in politics, I've been called worse things than boring. Roz heads back, Joanna heads for the door. Joanna: Well, I hope you'll understand if I just slip out without saying goodbye to Martin? Frasier: Of course, Joanna. The last thing we need today is another awkward situation. Martin: [o.s.] Whoa-ho-ho, Roz! Knock, will ya? [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3 - Frasier's Apartment. Fade in. Frasier opens the door to Roz. Roz: I left my diaper bag. Frasier: Right. Can you come in for a bit? Roz: I really shouldn't. Frasier: Roz, I'm so sorry. Roz: It's all right. I mean, I'm not gonna say that my mother wasn't hurt, but she did start to smile a little bit about it on the way to the airport. Frasier: You know, I've been sitting here, trying to figure out why I was so eager to play matchmaker for Dad. Roz: Oh, you're not alone. I mean, I was excited once I thought it was going well. Frasier: Well, I suspect I wasn't doing it so much for him as I was doing it for me. I see him here all the time, all alone, I wonder if maybe that's not gonna be me someday. Roz: Oh, God. I think the same thing sometimes when I see these older ladies in my building. They all want to babysit Alice just for the company. I mean, she's a cute baby, but she ain't no Dorthy Parker. Frasier: Ah, well, we're both gonna be fine. I was just thinking, though, if we wanna play it safe, we could make one of those, uh, pacts. Roz: You mean, like in forty years, if neither one of us finds anyone... Frasier: Yeah, exactly, we'll marry each other. Roz: I was gonna say kill each other. Frasier: Well, six of one... They laugh as he closes the door. FADE OUT. [SCENE_BREAK] Niles is at Cafe Nervosa. The waiter brings his cappuccino. Angered at the amount of coffee, he pulls out his notepad and jots a complaint. He goes to put it in the suggestion box but as he gets there, Thad comes out. Niles crumples the note and Thad holds up the trash can for him. Niles ends up throwing the note past his head and runs out. Guest Appearances Special Guest Star EVA MARIE SAINT as Joanna Doyle Guest Starring ALICE PLAYTEN as Bonnie ROCKY McMURRAY as Jimbo Guest Callers PHIL DONAHUE as Larry MARLO THOMAS as Sophie Quick Summary {nicholas hartley} ACT ONE SCENE ONE - KACL Frasier is on air and is taking his last caller. It's a woman who says her husband is having a superbowl party on Sunday for his friends however he won't let her friends come over. The husband comes onto the phone and says he'll let them come over if he can answer a simple football question. Roz mimes the answers to Frasier in order he can get it correct. After signing off as "Coach Crane" he has a chat with Roz where she reveals that her mother is in town and has become a burden. Frasier suggests that she should start dating Martin to get her out of the house. So they agree to "accidentaly" meet at McGinteys. SCENE TWO - MCGINTEYS Martin, Frasier and Niles are seated at a table as the waitress; Bonny comes over. She seems to know Martin. After greeting him she realises who Frasier is and talks about how proud Martin is of him. Then she turns to Niles and thinks he's a friend. Martin covers up saying "I've told you about my other son". However Bonny still gets it wrong and calls him Eddie. After she's left, some people from the Shang-ri-la enter who Niles trys to hide from. However they spot and proceed to play fight calling him the coyote. Niles explains his nickname: It went from Niles to Niley to Nile. E. Coyote and then just to coyote. However at that moments it's refined further as the shang-ri-la guys address him with a coyote growl. After this Roz and her mother, Joanna, enter. Frasier notices her and pretends he didn't expect her. He gets them to sit at the table - with Joanna next to Martin. SCENE THREE - MCGINTEYS LATER Everyone has finished eating however Martin & Joanna are the only ones who have cleared their plates. They explain how they never worried about calories in their day and how they ate full cooked breakfasts. Niles is disturbed by this. Roz suggests to Joanna that they better leave as they have a jazz concert. However, Frasier stops her and tells Roz they must discuss the promos. This was obviously planned as Roz decides to give her ticket to Martin so the two "love birds" can go off together. Joanna and Martin agree as Niles, Frasier and Roz leave saying that they have no idea it was a set up. However we see that they do know. SCENE FOUR - FRASIER'S APARTMENT Daphne and Frasier are watching a "Miss. World" pagent whilst eating popcorn. Roz comes in looking worried, she explains her worry to Frasier. However he's not really listning to her as he watches her pagent making sarcastic comments with Daphne about the women. Roz explains how her mother MUST BE perfect, she says SHE NEVER makes wrong choices. Roz explains how Martin isn't right for her. Frasier is angered by this as he believes Roz thinks her mother is too high up to be dating someone as low down as retired cop. They begin arguing as Daphne trys to watch the television. Daphne gets up in a huff saying she just missed something before storming off to her room. Frasier tells Roz to stop worrying just before they hear the front door opening. Roz and Frasier quickly head to the sofa to look at the promos, as if they had been doing that all the time. Martin and Joanna enter looking pleased with each other. They make little comments and it seems they want to see each other again. Joanna leaves so Martin can tell his TRUE side of the story to Frasier. Martin says that he actually hated the date. He says she droned on and on with boring facts; eg: the egg production in Wisconsin. Martin heads off to the room with the words "If you ever set me up on a date again, I'll kill you in your sleep!" Frasier is shocked by this and rather distressed. Frasier rushes to the door, it's Roz. She looks really excited and explains how her mother had such a good time. Joanna cannot wait for a second date. Roz also says how a wall has been broken down between her and her mother. She says she will now talk openly about how she felt when her father left. She really is exstatic. At this point Martin walks out saying "her voice is still in my head". Frasier cannot bring himself to tell her that Martin hated the date and says "it's like a fairytale here too!" ACT TWO SCENE ONE - CAFE NERVOSA Niles and Frasier are at the bar. Niles takes a drink from his cappuchino and he puts it down in disgust. He says that each week there gets more foam and less coffee. He decides to tell the waiter, however when he realises the waiter is a bit too macho for him he changes his mind and looks for the suggestion box. Frasier tells him about Martin's date and not being able to tell Roz. Niles tell Frasier he must do the right thing and tell the truth. Roz enters and begins talking to Frasier. She says Martin hasn't rung yet. Frasier again can't bring himself to say anything so instead says he will. Roz looks at her calender and checks it with Frasier. He makes excuses up for every day. So Roz suggests that she brings Joanna up on Sunday to their super bowl party, which Frasier has no way of escaping out of. She leaves and Frasier tells Niles the news, and that he must also be at the superbowl party. Niles gives Frasier some advice: to tell Martin about this five minutes before. If he tells him in advance he'll probably escape to McGinteys. So Frasier decides this is probably the best option in the long run. SCENE TWO - FRASIER'S APARTMENT Martin is watching the warm up before the superbowl on the television and Frasier swims around laying out food. The doorbell sounds and he takes Martin aside. He says it will be Joanna which just angers Martin. He answers the door, surprisingly, to Bonny who is carrying some food. She makes her way to the kitchen as Martin explains that he invited her over in order to ask her on a date. Frasier is distraught by this as he answers the door to Joanna. Joanna and Martin begin chatting before they take the baby away to a room. Bonny then enters laying the food out and Roz inquires about why she's here. Frasier pretends that Martin invited her here for Niles. Bonny is confused by this. At this point Niles enters through the front door and hangs up his coat. He is shocked when he realises that Bonny is his date however he goes along with it to be polite. Daphne enters at this point and heads out the door - she explains she's going to see "Whuthering Heights" at the cinema by herself. She goes onto say how, if there was someone there, she would only end up crying in her dates shoulder. After sampling one of Bonny's culinary "delights" he enters the kitchen. Martin enters just after him. Niles tells him off for setting him up with Bonny. Martin tells Niles he invited her here for himself, and that it was probably Frasier's idea so not to offend "Miss. Snoozey". Frasier enters the kitchen and tells them to see to the dates however Niles & Martin disagree saying they hate them. They all enter the room where Joanna begins talking about the baby. Bonny asks to see the baby, so Martin takes her off. Unfortunately the baby monitor is switched on and the conversation about the dates are heard. Both Martin and Bonny don't like their dates. Upon hearing this, Niles takes flight in order to catch up with Daphne at the movies. Joanna is a little disturbed by this but says she's not too offended. She leaves without saying goodbye to Martin. Roz follows her after shouting at Frasier. SCENE THREE - FRASIER'S APARTMENT Later on, Roz comes back up to his apartment and they talk about looking at their parents love life and comparing it with their own. They explain that they'll probably never get married and time is runnung out. Frasier says they should make a pact; like in forty years if they find no one they should marry each other. Roz says she was going to say "kill each other". [SCENE_BREAK] Niles is writing out a suggestion about the foam to put in the suggestion box. However, the waiter stands over him so he decides to screw it and throw it in the bin. Niles makes a run for it whilst the waiter just stares at him.

Roz's mother Joanna is visiting, and Frasier suggests fixing her up with Martin. They spend an evening together, but after Roz and Joanna have left, Martin admits to Frasier that he found her very boring company. Roz, though, reports that her mother had a wonderful evening and hopes to see Martin again before she leaves Seattle.

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Scene: The comic book store. Leonard: It's from Game of Thrones. What do you think? Sheldon: I don't know. If we're going to start a fantasy sword collection, and I've long thought we should, is this really the sword to start with? Leonard: What did you have in mind? Sheldon: Well, off the top of my head, I'd have to go with Excalibur. It gives you the right to rule England. Leonard: It would be a replica of a movie prop. Sheldon: Fair enough. It'd give you the right to rule a replica of England. Leonard: Well, they don't have an Excalibur here, so what do you want to do? Sheldon: Mm. Tough decision. There's no weaponry from Lord of the Rings, forged in a Chinese sweatshop? Leonard: Just Bilbo Baggins' sword over there. Sheldon: Two grown men with a hobbit's dagger; wouldn't we look silly? Okay, let's go for it. Stuart: Oh, I see you guys have found my little treasure. Leonard: Yeah. It's okay, I guess. Sheldon: Okay? It's magnificent. Leonard: Buh-buh-buh-buh! What do you want for it? Stuart: Oh, it's hard to put a price on something that's a copy of something that was on pay cable. But for my friends, let's say 250? Leonard: Oh, that's pretty steep. Stuart: Well, it's a limited edition. They only made 8,000 of these bad boys. Sheldon: Only 8,000? We're wasting precious time. Buy it. Leonard: Hang on. Can you do any better? Stuart: Are you kidding? I'm already giving you the friends and family discount. Sheldon: Oh, did you hear that? We're getting the friends and family discount. We are honoured and we will take it. Leonard: Slow down. Two hundred. Sheldon: What are you doing? Two fifty is already the discounted price. Leonard: Will you shut up? Stuart: Tell you what, I'll go two thirty-five. Leonard: Nope. Maybe another time. Stuart: Okay, two twenty five, my final offer. Sheldon: Take it, take it. Leonard: Two hundred. Stuart: Man, you're killing me! Sheldon: Killing you? I can't breathe. Stuart: Two ten, and I'm losing money. Sheldon: Oh, now, we can't let him lose money, Leonard. I'm so sorry. Leonard: Two ten and you throw in the Iron Man helmet. Stuart: Are you crazy? That helmet's signed by Robert Downey Jr. Leonard: So? Stuart: Okay, if you're going to question the importance of an actor's signature on a plastic helmet from a movie based on a comic book, then all of our lives have no meaning! Leonard: Okay, fine. Just the sword, two ten. Stuart: Thank you. I can eat meat this week. Leonard: See that? I just saved us forty bucks. Sheldon: I've long said, what you lack in academic knowledge you make up for in street smarts. Stuart: You want me to wrap it? Leonard: No, it's okay. I'm gonna stab my friend in the chest. Wil Wheaton (entering): Hey, Stuart. Stuart: Ah, hey, Wil. Sheldon: Hello, Wil Wheaton. Wil: Hi, Sheldon. Nice sword. Sheldon: It's part of my sword collection. Do you have a sword collection? Wil: No. Sheldon: I'm not surprised. Stuart: Here's the Batman 612 with the Jim Lee alternate cover that you wanted. Wil: Awesome. What do I owe you? Stuart: Forty bucks. Wil: Good deal. Sheldon: Sucker. Didn't even ask for the friends and family discount. Wil: Hey, I'm having a party at my house on Friday, and I was hoping you would stop by. Stuart: Will there be girls there? Wil: Yeah, of course. Stuart: 'Cause there wasn't last time. Wil: There will be girls. You guys are invited if you want to come by. Leonard: Thank you. Wil: All right, great. Later. Sheldon: I see what you're doing. You accept an invitation to a party at the home of my sworn enemy, he tells everyone we're going to be there, and when we don't show, he looks the fool. Fiendishly clever. Leonard: I was actually thinking about going. Sheldon: And then declaring the party a fiasco and storming out, leaving him humiliated in front of his guests. Love it. Leonard: No, I was gonna grab Raj and Howard and have a good time. Stuart: Oh, great, more guys. It's gonna be another Wil Wheaton sausage-fest. Credits sequence. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: Sheldon, can you grab me a water? Sheldon: Possibly. Leonard: Can you or can't you? Sheldon: It's not that simple, Leonard. Leonard: It never is, is it? Sheldon: At this moment, our relationship exists in two mutually contradictory states. Until you either do not go or go to Wil Wheaton's party, you are simultaneously my friend and not my friend. I'm characterizing this phenomenon as Schrodinger's Friendship. Leonard: Got it. Can I have my water? Sheldon: Of course. Now get it yourself, you traitor. Penny: Wait, what is going on? Sheldon: In case you have forgotten, Schrodinger's cat is a thought experiment... Penny: No, no, no, no, I didn't forget. Um, there's this cat in a box and until you open it, it's either dead or alive or both. Although, back in Nebraska, our cat got stuck in my brother's camp trunk, and we did not need to open it to know there was all kinds of dead cat in there. Amy: Homespun stories, knowledge of physics and a bosom that defies it. You're the whole package, aren't you? Howard (arriving): Sorry I'm late. Uh, I got great news. NASA picked my team's design for the deep field space telescope that's going on the International Space Station this spring. All: Wow. Bernadette: Howie, that's wonderful! Congratulations! Howard: It gets better. Someone has to go up with the telescope as a payload specialist, and guess who that someone is. Sheldon: Mohammed Lee. Howard: Who's Mohammed Lee? Sheldon: Mohammed is the most common first name in the world, Lee, the most common surname. As I didn't know the answer, I thought that gave me a mathematical edge. Howard: It's me, Sheldon. It's me. I'm going up in space! Technically, I'm an astronaut. All: Wow, that's amazing! Bernadette: Hang on a second. NASA doesn't have a shuttle any more. How are you going to get up there? Howard: Oh, well, it's really cool. You fly to Moscow, they take you out to Kazakhstan, and then you get into a Russian Soyuz rocket which shoots you into a low earth orbit. Or just sits there on the launch pad because the Kazakhi mafia sold the rocket fuel on the black market. Bernadette: Are those Russian rockets safe? Howard: Well, I mean, safe as it can be when it was built by the good folks who brought you Chernobyl. Leonard: I'd like to propose a toast. The dream to go up into space is one we all share, and Howard's making that a reality. We're all very proud of you. All: Cheers. Sheldon: That was a lovely toast. Kudos. Leonard: Thank you. Sheldon: Simultaneously, a festival of cloying clichés. You sicken me. Scene: Bernadette's car. Howard: You're really quiet. Is everything okay? Bernadette: Fine. Just a little tired. Howard: I hope not too tired, because I'm feeling particularly masculine right now. All systems go, if you catch my drift. Bernadette: I always catch your drift. Howard: All right, well, something's obviously bugging you. What is it? Bernadette: I just can't believe you signed up for the space program without even talking to me. Howard: Oh, I get it. You're worried about me. That is so sweet. You know, there's a saying we have at NASA. What makes the right stuff so right is that it always comes home. Bernadette: Just stop talking, Howard. Howard: This isn't the reaction I expected when I told you I was gonna be an astronaut. Bernadette: What did you think was going to happen? Howard: Honestly? s*x. Bernadette: Howard. Howard: Do you realize what a big deal this is? What an honour it is to be chosen to go into space? Bernadette: Yeah, I get it. I just wish you included me in the decision. We're supposed to be partners. We're supposed to be a team. Howard: I'm sorry. You're right. Okay, let's try this again. Bernadette, an opportunity has come up that impacts both of us, and I'd like to discuss it. Bernadette: Okay. Howard: I've been offered a chance to go up to the International Space Station for three weeks. What are your thoughts on that? Bernadette: Well, first of all, thank you for including me in the decision-making process. Howard: Hey, we're a team. So, what do you think? Bernadette: No. Howard: No? Bernadette: No. Howard: Well why not? Bernadette: Howard, my father was a police officer. We never knew from one night to the next if he was going to come home alive. It was horrible. And I don't want to live that way with you. Howard: Hey, my father abandoned me and my mother when I was 11. We never saw him again. Bernadette: Oh, boo-hoo, you're not going to space! Scene: The apartment. Leonard: Pretty cool about Howard, huh? Sheldon: Don't talk to me as if nothing's happened between us. And yes, it sure is, buddy. Leonard: For God's sake, will you stop with the Schrodinger stuff. Sheldon: Would you prefer a simpler application of Heisenberg's uncertainty principle, in which I could either know where you are or whether I like you, but not both? Leonard: You never stop talking, do you? Amy: I don't understand. What differences does it make if Leonard goes to Wil Wheaton's party? Penny: Wil Wheaton is Sheldon's mortal enemy. Amy: Mortal enemy? Penny: Mm-hmm. Amy: Sheldon, I know you're a bit of a left-handed monkey wrench, but, you really have a mortal enemy? Sheldon: In fact, I have 61 of them. Would you like to see the list? Penny: Oh, say no, say no, say no, say no. Sheldon: You just got off the list. Would you like back on it? This'll just take a moment. It's on a five and a quarter inch floppy. Amy: A floppy disk? Sheldon: Well, I started the list when I was nine. Amy: How did Wil Wheaton get on the list? All: Oh! Oh, God! Sheldon: As a child, I loved Wesley Crusher, Wil Wheaton's character on Star Trek. So, I drove for hours by bus to a Star Trek convention at which Wil Wheaton was scheduled to appear, so that I could get my Wesley Crusher action figure signed. But he never showed, because apparently, it was cooler for him to be the lower-left corner on Hollywood Squares. Oh, damn! The floppy failed. Well, whoever was in charge of quality control at the Verbatim Corporation in 1989, congratulations, you just made the list. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Howard's bedroom. Bernadette: Howard? Howard: Change your mind about s*x? I'm still mad, but I'll do it. Bernadette: No, I've just been thinking. It doesn't matter if I'm afraid for your safety. I don't want to be the person who stands between you and your dreams. Howard: Really? Bernadette: Really. If going into space means that much to you, I will never say another word about it. Howard: Thank you. Bernadette: I love you. Howard: I love you, too. So, s*x now? Bernadette: Okay. I just forgot to brush my teeth. I'll be right back. (Exits) Mrs Wolowitz (off): Over my dead body my son goes into outer space! Bernadette: I'm ready. Scene: The cafeteria. Leonard: Wait, let me see if I got this right. You actually asked Bernadette to leave your house in the middle of the night? Howard: What choice did I have? She went behind my back and turned my own mother against me. Raj: Wow. You're not only our first astronaut. You're also the first one of us to kick a girl out of bed. You're like a rock star. Howard: Little bit. Leonard: I hate to say it, but she did kind of betray you. Sheldon: Interesting. You see betrayal in others, but not yourself. Leonard: Going to Wheaton's party is not betraying you. Sheldon: Oh, of course you would have to believe that. Evil always thinks it's doing right. Excuse me, Stormtrooper. These are the droids you're looking for. Leonard: I'm going to a party. I'm not turning R2-D2 and C-3PO over to the empire! Sheldon: Not yet. Raj: So, what's gonna happen next? Are you and Bernadette going to break up? Howard: I don't know. If we're going to get back together, she's going to have to apologize and accept that I'm a grown man who can make his own decisions. Raj: Then she's going to have to convince your mother to let you go into space. Howard: Obviously. Scene: Penny's apartment. Bernadette: I had no choice. I had to tell his mother. He can't go to space. He's like a baby bird. Do you know he once got an asthma attack from reading an old library book? Amy: You're kidding. Penny: No, I was there that day. Sheldon threw his back out handing him that book. Bernadette: I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't want to break up over this. Penny: Okay, why don't you just tell him you made a mistake? Bernadette: Do you guys think it was a mistake? Am I the bad guy in this? Amy: It's not for us to judge. We're just here to provide comfort and support while you come to grips with what a despicable thing you've done. Bernadette: Oh, God, you're right. I took our love and threw it under his bus-sized mother. I need to apologize. Penny: Well, that, that's good. I'm glad you came to that. But before you do, let me just ask you a big picture question. Bernadette: What? Penny: Are you a hundred percent positive you love and want to marry Howard Wolowitz? Bernadette: I do, with all my heart. Penny: Got it. Just had to check. Amy: He's great. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: All right, Sheldon, we're going to Wil's. This is your last chance. Sheldon: No, Leonard, this is your last chance. One day, a historian is going to come to you and say, is it true you were friends with Dr. Sheldon Cooper? And you're going to have to choke back a hot sob of regret and humiliation as you mumble, I was, but I chose to go to a party thrown by the one kid from Stand By Me that no one remembers. Leonard: You want to drive? Raj: Sure. Leonard: Hey, Sheldon? Sheldon: Oh, good. You picked me, you picked me. Leonard: No, I just got a text from Stuart. Brent Spiner is at the party. Sheldon: Brent Spiner? Leonard: Yes. Sheldon: I don't care. Leonard: Really? Brent Spiner, Mr. Data himself. You love him. Sheldon: I did, but I think I've kind of outgrown Star Trek. You know, stock characters, ludicrous plots, beam me up. What a load of hooey. Leonard: I'm going. Live long and prosper, Sheldon. Sheldon: Yeah, even that. You look like a dork. Scene: Howard's bedroom. Mrs Wolowitz (off): Howard, Bernadette's here! Howard: Tell her I'm not home! Mrs Wolowitz (off): What kind of a schmuck play is that? She can hear you shouting! Bernadette: Can we talk? Howard: You can. I have nothing to say. Bernadette: All right. I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry I said something to your mother. Howard: I was gonna tell her eventually, but you went behind my back. Bernadette: I know. I'm sorry. I got scared. Howard: If you're gonna love me, you're gonna have to love the whole package, the tenderhearted poet and the crazy daredevil. Bernadette: I know. Howard: Well, don't say it if you're not gonna mean it, 'cause I'm not just gonna stop with the space station. Yeah, I want to go to the Moon, I want to go to Mars. I want to take a one-man sub to the lowest depths of the ocean. Bernadette: Really? You got seasick on Pirates of the Caribbean. Howard: Well, those big kids were rocking it. Bernadette: I just did what I did because I love you so much, and the thought of losing you is more than I can handle. Howard: Really? Bernadette: You're my soul mate. This is where you kiss me. Howard: Right, right. Mrs Wolowitz (off): Make up all you want! Your tuchus is not leaving this planet! Scene: Wil Wheaton's party. Raj: Hey, you know that beautiful actress who plays the Borg Queen in First Contact? Leonard: Yeah. Raj: Well, I just met her gynaecologist! Leonard: What are you doing here? Sheldon: Fighting for our friendship. As peculiar and annoying as you can be, you're still my little buddy. I'm not going to let that end here tonight. Now put down that drink, let's meet Brent Spiner and go home. Wil: Hey, Sheldon, I'm so glad you made it. I found something I think you might like. Sheldon: What I'd like is for him to have a more depressing home. This is quite lovely. Wil: This is for you. Sheldon: An original mint-in-package Wesley Crusher action figure. Wil: I remembered your story about the time you went to a convention when you were a kid to get one signed, and I didn't show up. Wil: Look at what I wrote. Sheldon: To Sheldon, sorry this took so long. Your friend, Wil Wheaton. Wil: It's my last one. I want you to have it. Sheldon: Look, everyone. Wil Wheaton is my friend! Brent Spiner: Oh, wow. I haven't seen one of these in years. (Rips open action figure packaging) Remember how we used to make these things look like they were m*st*rb*t*ng? Sheldon: Brent Spiner, what have you done? That was an original mint-in-package Wesley Crusher action figure signed by my close personal friend, Wil Wheaton. Brent: Sorry, Slim. I've got some Mr. Data dolls in the trunk of my car. You want me to sign one for you? Sheldon: You've already signed something, Brent Spiner. Your name on my list. From this moment on, you are my mortal enemy. Wil: Don't worry. It doesn't take up a whole lot of your time. Sheldon: Come on, buddy. Let's not waste another second on this loser. Love your house. Leonard: Can we get autographed dolls? Brent: Sure. Twenty bucks. Leonard: Ten. Brent: Eighteen. Leonard: Twelve. Brent: Sixteen. Leonard: Two for thirty. And you come to my birthday party. Brent: Done.

Howard is ecstatic to learn that he will be traveling to the International Space Station as a payload specialist to assist in the implementation of a deep space telescope designed by his engineering team. Meanwhile, while Sheldon and Leonard are at the comic book store, Wil Wheaton shows up and invites them to a party at his house.

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[The Kerwin House - Ashley's Room] (While getting ready for school, she's talking to her friend Terri on the phone.) Ashley: This is gonna be the best year ever! (Working on her poster for Degrassi student council president.) The first thing we need to do to, Terri, we need to get you a boyfriend. It'll happen. Trust me. Uh, Terri, I am not a shoe in (as she leaves the room, we see her poster which says "Ashley Kerwin Your Choice For Degrassi Prez" with her picture in the center) We won't even know if I'm president till the final vote is counted (closes her door.) Yeah, I just need to have a shower and get dressed. Oh, no, not again. Ter, I've gotta go. All right, I'll see you at school. Bye (hangs up with Terri) (Knocks on the bathroom door- goes back and forth a minute between showing Toby in the bathroom and her outside the door) Toby, out. Toby: How do you know it's me? It could be your mom, could be my dad. Ashley: They have their own bathroom. Toby: Then, go use it. I just got here. Ashley: Toby, come on, be reasonable. I have to get to school to put up my election posters. Toby: Aren't you the only one running? (Opens the cabinet and sees Ashley's bra hanging in the shower) Ashley: Toby, remember what Dr. Fried said? "A generous attitude makes for a generous family." Now, get out the bathroom, now! Toby, what will it take you to open that door? Toby: Just say "please". Ashley: Please. Toby: (while fixing his hair) Now say "Toby Isaacs is the coolest kid at Degrassi. Way, way cooler than any stupid grade 8 could ever hope to be." Ashley: Toby, I have to get something? Toby: Get what? Your hairbrush? Your eyeliner? Your (opens the door with her bra on) training bra? Ashley: Mom! Theme song. [Degrassi] Toby: I mean, I hadn't even spit out my toothpaste and she wanted in. JT: Maybe you should explain to Ashley that bathroom time is private time. Toby: She'd probably go and cry to her mommy. JT: Really? Toby: She has no sense of humor and she's a neat-o-holic. Yesterday, I left my gym socks on the couch, she freaked. JT: Your gym socks can reek something fierce. Toby: Just 'cause me and dad move in to their house, Ashley treats me like... JT: Dirt? Gum stuck on her shoe? Toby: All of the above. So, ready for Day 1 of the rest of our junior high lives? JT: What do you think? [Inside Degrassi] (Terri is helping Ashley put up her posters.) Ashley: Dr. Fried says we need to work together and become more like siblings. Terri: You fight all the time, you can't stand the sight of each other, you're already acting like siblings. Ashley: I mean I don't mind his dad Jeff, and I'm glad my mom's happy, but Toby, he's everywhere. He's like a little mosquito that keeps buzzing in your ear. Terri: Hey, Ash, maybe when you're president, you can get him expelled. Ashley: Yeah, from my life. (A blond girl named Paige comes up to them. She's wearing a red shirt that says "Hottie", blue capris, and sunglasses) Paige: Hey, guys. Haven't seen you all summer. How are you doing? (As she talks, the camera moves up from her feet to her face) Terri: Paige? Paige: New year, new look, new Paige (a guy stares at her and hits a locker.) You're putting up your campaign posters already? Ashley: The election's on Friday. Paige: Wow, you'd rather on the issues than your appearance. That's so...admirable. Paige walks away. [Another part of Degrassi] (Emma and Manny are coming into school.) Emma: Manny, there's nothing to be afraid of. Manny: Nothing but the grade 8's. Emma: They're only a year older than us. Manny: Yeah, a whole year to think of ways to make us suffer. (Emma drops some papers. As she goes to pick them up, Spinner and Jimmy approach them. Spinner steps on the papers.) Spinner: Hall pass. Emma: What? Spinner: You're not allowed on school property without a hall pass. Emma: But, we didn't get one. Spinner: Then you'll both have to leave. Manny: But, we can't. It's the first day of school. Spinner: (To Jimmy) Grade 7's are such geeks. (Spinner and Jimmy leave. Emma picks up her papers.) [Outside a room] (Toby and JT walk up to the room that's homeroom, but the door's locked.) Toby: (To Emma and Manny) Hey, guys. Emma: Hey. Manny: Hi. That's our homeroom? Emma: Cool. (The bell rings. Mr. Simpson comes to the door and un-locks it.) Mr. S: Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late. Hey, Em. Okay, here we go. (As the kids enter the room and sit down) All right, just choose your own seats for the time being. Okay, welcome to Degrassi Community School. I'm Mr. Simpson, I'm your homeroom and Media Immersion teacher. And I gotta say you guys really lucked out, I mean it. This is by far the coolest homeroom in the entire school. First order of business: These are the code of conduct forms (passing them out to everyone), concerning the computers, and the internet, all right? I wanna get these out of the way before we get to know one another (takes JT's hat off his head). [Ms. Kwan's homeroom (grade 8 with Ashley, Paige, Spinner, etc)] Ms. Kwan: Some of you I know already and a few of you are new faces altogether. Welcome. Gavin Reginald Mason. Spinner: Um, I prefer Spinner. Ms. Kwan: This year will I have to give you, what was it, another 14 detentions? Spinner: Not if you don't want to. Ms. Kwan: Learning and good grades are all important here at Degrassi, but so is getting involved in the school. Paige: (raises her hand) That's why I'm starting a spirit squad this year Ms. Kwan. We so need one. Ms. Kwan: Great, Paige. That's so industrious of you. And speaking of industrious, Ashley? Ashley: Yes? Ms. Kwan: The first day of school and you already have a professional campaign under way? Excellent start. Ashley: Thank you [Hallway] (Starts with a close-up of Ashley's poster.) P.A.: Students are reminded that 3:15 today is the deadline for student council nominations. (Emma and her friends are walking.) Emma: See, Manny, this isn't so bad, isn't it? Manny: As long as we don't run into that jerk again. (They stop in front of Ashley's poster.) Emma: Is that your step-sister? Toby: She's not my step-sister. We just to be stuck in a forced living arrangement. Manny: Well, I think she's pretty. Toby: Ashley hates I live in her house and she hates that I go to her school. Which she's obviously never heard of democracy. Emma: What are you talking about? Toby: This election. No one's even running against her. She's a shoe-in. Emma: Why don't you run? Toby: Because it would provoke a rupture in our fragile family dynamic. It's family counseling speak for "my dad would kill me". Manny: So? Get someone else to run. JT: Yeah, right. Who'd wanna run for student council? The whole thing's a joke. Toby: Did u say joke? JT: No way, Toby. I am not going a joke campaign. Toby: Come on, JT. It's the perfect way to stick it to Ashley. JT: But this is my first day at Degrassi. Toby: Exactly. You're in the same boat as a large percentage of the student body. Which is why they'll love you. Come on, JT, this is your once of a lifetime opportunity. JT: For you to stick it to Ashley. Toby: No, for you to practice your stand-up material on a large perceptive audience. JT: Keep talking. Toby: You want to be famous, right? This is instant fame. Just think: assembly the whole school hanging on your every word. JT: And you'll do all the work? (Toby nods.) JT: Deal. Here we are right here. What if I win? Toby: Trust me. You don't stand a chance. [Hallway] Ashley: The poster's a little low on the left. Just bring it. Liberty: Ashley Kerwin. We haven't met. I'm Liberty Van Zandt and I'm running for secretary. We're gonna be a great team. Just think. I'd like to discuss a few ideas so our policies will be in sync. First, I think we should tackle a lack of the school newspaper. Ashley: Why don't we wait until after the election? Liberty: Great. Um, your poster's a little high on the left. (She leaves. Jimmy comes up to Ashley and puts his arm around her (which means they're boyfriend/girlfriend)) Jimmy: What was that all about? (They walk away.) [Classroom] (Toby is making copies of something- we see it says JT's name on it, which means it must be posters.) Mr. S: You do know it's 10 cents a copy? (Toby tries to make them stop.) [Hallway] (Toby's putting up JT's posters.) Ashley: I'm gonna make so many changes at this school, Terri. And not just superficial stuff. I want the students to feel heard. (They stop when they JT's posters.) Terri: Uh, Ash.... Ashley: What is that? Toby: Oh, a poster without your picture on it. Ashley: JT Yorke. That annoying little friend of yours? Toby: What's wrong Ashley? Afraid of a little competition? Ashley: You are so wasting your time. School president is always in 8th grade. Toby: Well, uh, this year that's going to change. (Ashley and Terri walk past Toby.) Toby: 'Bye, Ashley. [Hallway] (Someone comes to JT with a camera.) Boy: Hey, JT. Why do you wanna run for president? JT: Why do I wanna run for president? Uh, that's a good question. Toby: In one word people: democracy. The backbone of our fine nation. JT: Hear, hear! Toby: He is, people, our great alternative. In a world dominated by cruel selfish 8th graders, JT is our last shining hope. JT: I couldn't have said it better myself. Thank you, Degrassi. [Outside] Liberty: A grade 7 running for president? I wouldn't be caught dead voting for him. Besides, I think Ashley and I, Liberty Van Zandt, will make an excellent team. [Another part of school] JT: If elected, I, JT Yorke, will do what a real politician would do: absolutely nothing. And, like a true politician, I will accept bribes. (Ashley and Terri are watching.) Ashley: People are actually paying attention to him? Terri: He's pretty funny. If you like total amateur humor. You're not actually worried are you? Ashley: No. JT: I, JT Yorke: Unknown, unremarkable... [Hallway] (Someone with a camera is talking to Emma.) Emma: Personally, I think it's great. Grade 7's have just as much right to run for school president as anyone. I'm voting for JT. [Outside] Ashley: Greater representation the school boards. Terri: (passing out fliers) And up-to-date recycling programs. Ashley: I'll even get us a night dance. All it costs is a vote. [JT's speech to students.] JT: What about the staff washrooms? (It shows Ashley watching) I'll bet you any money that they have softer toilet paper. If you elect me, I'll those staff washrooms, our washrooms. So vote for JT. You'll do the right thing. I know you will. (To Toby) It's working. Toby: (sees Ashley watching) I know. JT: Vote for JT. It'll do you good. You'll love me. Nice to meet you. [SCENE_BREAK] [Kerwin House: Kitchen] Ashley: Toby Issacs, you shrimp, who are you doing this to me? Toby: I'm not doing anything. JT's running for president and I'm just helping him out. Ashley: JT doesn't care about the school. Toby: How do you know? Guess what: Degrassi doesn't revolve around you. Anyone can run. Ashley: The guy is an idiot! And he doesn't know anything because he just got there Ashley's mom, Kate, walks in. Kate: Ashley, What's the problem? Ashley: Great. Take his side again. Don't even try to figure out what we're talking about. I mean, I put all my effort into this race... Toby: There was no race. Now there is. Kate: Toby, are you running against Ashley? Ashley: No, his friend, JT, is. Toby: I'm helping my best friend run his campaign. What's wrong with that? Ashley: What's wrong is he's only doing it to bug me. Kate: Come on, Ashley, I'm sure he's not. Ashley: But Mom.... Kate: Toby has every right to help run his best friend's campaign. [The Next Day- Kerwin Bathroom] (Ashley, in curlers, knocks on the door.) Toby: Today's the big day. Written your defeat speech yet? Ashley: JT is not going to win. Toby: You wish. Just think: you're about to lose to a 7th grader. (Ashley goes in the bathroom.) [Degrassi Hallway] (Someone is taping Paige.) Paige: Hi. My name's Paige + of course Ashley's going to win today. Sure, some students may resent her for being perfect, but, Ashley always get what she wants, so why would today be any different? Actually, I'll tell why today is different. See, I just got these brand new glasses and I think they look rather nice with my outfit, don't you? Oh, and my belt. Please get a close-up of the belt. Thanks. And my new purse so everyone can see all that I own. What do I have in here? This, this isn't mine. (The cameraman starts to walk away.) Paige: (O.S.) Hello! I'm not done here! [Computer room] (Toby and JT are on it, checking polls for president.) Toby: Look at this! You've got as much support as Ashley! JT: It's just some stupid poll. Toby: This is before your speech (show a close-up of the poll: Ashley- 48%, JT- 52%). Forget Ashley. You're on the verge of making Degrassi history! Am I the only one excited here? JT: I thought the plan was to make her sweat. Toby: Exactly! The closer you come to beating her, the sweater she gets. JT: Yeah, well, I'm getting pretty sweaty too. Because if I win this thing, I'll have to do a lot of work. [Another part of school] (Someone is taping Liberty.) Liberty: It would be tragic if Ashley lost today. But if she did, and if I, Liberty Van Zandt, am elected as secretary, I would work closely with JT to ensure excellent standards of student government. [Hall] (JT closes his locker and starts to head to class when Spinner and Jimmy grab him.) JT: Uh, hi. Spinner: You're coming with us. JT: What? What did I do? I'm going to be late for class, you're going to be late for class. That's a lot of lateness. Do you want to get a dentition? I know I don't. What did I do? [A classroom] Ashley is in there waiting. JT: Is this about the election? If I promise you something you got a problem with, just tell me and I'll change it. Really, I will (They drop him on the floor.) Ashley: Thanks. That's all for now. (They leave. JT gets up.) JT: What's going on? Ashley: Here's the deal: you quit the race for school president and I give you 50 bucks. JT: 50 bucks? Ashley: 5-0. Okay, 60. JT: You see, I'd jump at that but I've got this older brother. He just lost the race for school president. Ashley: 65. JT: My parents were shattered. They had to go on Prozac. I can't put them through that again. Ashley: 80 bucks and that's my final offer. JT: 80's good. Ashley: Glad to hear it. But for that amount, I want a show. I want you to quit in front of the whole school. JT: At assembly? Cool. I still get to say my speech. Ashley: Half now, the rest after. (Gives him the money) JT: It was a pleasure doing business with you, Ms. President. (Puts out his hand but she doesn't shake it) I'll go now. (He grabs his bag and leaves.) [Hall] Manny: Once the election's over, I head straight home. Emma: And avoid Spinner. (Spinner comes up behind them and hits Manny with a spitball.) Manny: Ow. (Holds her neck and starts to cry.) Emma: Oh, great. Now look what you've done. Spinner: I was just kidding around. Terri: Wow that's so cool, Spinner. Making a grade 7 girl cry. Spinner: Look, I didn't mean to make her cry. Emma: Well, you did. Congratulations. (Spinner walks away.) Emma: It's ok, Manny. He's gone. Manny: I knew it would work. Always does on my brother. (They walk away.) [Hall] (Toby catches up to JT.) Toby: She bribed you? JT: She paid me. Toby: It's wrong. JT: Wrong? What about this campaign? Toby: What about it? JT: We did this just to get back at your step-sister. Toby: She's not my step-sister! P.A.: Would all candidates please report to the stage? JT: Look, if it makes you feel any better, we'll split it. 50/50. Toby: I don't want her blood money. It's just helping Ashley get exactly what she wants...again. [Assembly] (Liberty is finishing her speech.) Liberty: And in conclusion, I promise that if elected, I, Liberty Van Zandt, will fulfill my responsibilities as student council secretary with enthusiasm and even more enthusiasm. Thank you. (Applause as she sits) (Mr. Raditch comes to the mike.) Mr. R: Thank you very much, Liberty, for that enthusiasm. Next up, our two candidates for school president. Each will have 3 minutes to deliver their speeches and we will begin with, JT Yorke. (Applause) (JT goes to the mike.) JT: Ladies and gentleman, it's a long year. You gotta vote for me. You need something to laugh at. Now if I could just say a few words about my presidential platform, this speech would be a whole lot shorter. But, seriously, if there's one thing I've learned in my zero years of political experience, well, it's nothing. Toby: Ashley! (She ignores him) Ashley! (She gets up and goes out the door.) Ashley: What? Toby: You bribed JT. Ashley: No I didn't. Toby: Yes you did. I saw the money. It's corruption. Ashley: Oh, how thrilling. You learned a new word. Toby: Oh you want thrilling? Wait'll I go up on stage and tell everyone what you did. Ashley: But, JT took the money. Toby: No, he excepted it as evidence. Ashley: You wouldn't. Toby: Oh, I will. I'm heading up there and telling everyone what a fraud Ashley Kerwin is. Ashley: Fine. My life's a disaster anyway. It might as well get worse. Toby: Your life's a disaster? Ashley: I want my mom to be happy and I've tired to be nice, but the moment you moved in, everything become all about you. Toby: About me? Do you have any idea what's it like living in your house? Ashley: Please! My mom dotes on you. She doesn't care what I feel, as long as you're happy. Toby: What? Ashley: And now I can't get away from you. You're everywhere: at home, at school, even in my campaign. Toby: That's not true... Ashley: I wanted just one thing that you couldn't take away from me. But you found a way. Please. Before you go up there and publicly humiliate me, just listen to my speech. Then decided if you don't think I deserve to be President. [Inside Assembly] JT: She's got the looks, she's got the brains, she's got the brains, she's got everything. Don't pity her; pity me. Thank you. Oh, and by the way, I quit the race for school prez. Vote Ashley. (Sits down) Mr. R: Well that's rather interesting. JT, you sure? (He nods) Well, I still think we'd like to hear what Ashley has to say. Ashley? Ashley? (To JT.) We'll talk later. [Outside Door] Ashley: Please. Mr. R (O.S.): Ashley? [Kerwin House - Outside] Ashley: No way! Jimmy: Yeah, whatever, I'm not lying. Ashley: Yeah, right. Well, thanks, uh, and I'll see you tomorrow. (They hug) Jimmy: Congratulations, Ms. President. (Jimmy leaves. Ashley walks over to Toby, who is sitting at a table.) Ashley: So, is this what defeat looks like or just guilt? Toby: Congratulations, Ashley. Ashley: Yeah, whatever. Toby: I mean it. Congratulations. You deserved to win. Ashley: Ok, what have you done with the real Toby Isaacs? Toby: it's not my fault JT's in trouble for riding the joke campaign. I should've never put him up to it. Ashley: You're right. You shouldn't have. Toby: Ash, I'm trying to apologize here. I knew it would drive you crazy. I just couldn't stop myself. Ashley: You hate me that much? Toby: Sometimes. Ashley: I gotta admit sometimes I feel the same way about you. The fact is Toby, we have to live with each other in the same house and that sucks, right? Toby: You can say that again. Ashley: But does it have to such this much? Toby: Maybe not. Ashley: Maybe not. Are we bonding here? Toby: Bonding? Us? Ashley: Well, the first time in a month, I don't wanna rip your eyes out. Toby: Wow, Dr. Fried would be so proud.

It's the first day of school at Degrassi Community School, and eighth-grader Ashley already has her sights set on becoming the school's newest student council president. Her seemingly sure win is soon threatened when her stepbrother, Toby, becomes frustrated by her unchallenged status and convinces his friend J.T. to run against her. Meanwhile, Emma and Manny deal with eighth-grader Spinner's bullying. Note: This episode marks the first appearances of Sarah Barrable-Tishauer, Lauren Collins, Aubrey Graham, and Shane Kippel as Liberty Van Zandt, Paige Michalchuk, Jimmy Brooks, and Spinner Mason.

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Opening credits JACK HARKNESS (v.o.) : Torchwood. Outside the government, beyond the police. Fighting for the future on behalf of the human race. The 21st Century is when everything changes... and Torchwood is ready. EXT. MALL - DAY Owen stands in the middle of the walkway. The world around him moves... backward. In rewind. Everyone is walking quickly backwards. OWEN (v.o.) : My name is Dr. Owen Harper and this is my life. MONTAGE OF CUTS : Owen is running. OWEN (v.o.) : A life that is full of action... [SCENE_BREAK] Owen pulls out his gun with a silencer attached and shoots the lock off the door. Ianto turns around. OWEN (v.o.) : ... and violence... [SCENE_BREAK] Owen is in the autopsy area back in the hub. He's holding a syringe and looks at the needle as Jack sits behind him and waits. OWEN (v.o.) : ... and work,... [SCENE_BREAK] Owen looking at the slab of meat. OWEN (v.o.) : ... wonder. [SCENE_BREAK] Owen sprays on some alien pheromone at the bar. The blonde woman grabs him and kisses him. OWEN (v.o.) : Secrets, s*x... [SCENE_BREAK] Owen dances with Diane. OWEN (v.o.) : ... and love and heartbreak... [SCENE_BREAK] Owen is shot. He hits the ground. OWEN (v.o.) : ... and death. [SCENE_BREAK] Owen is on the table. Martha pulls back the sheet covering him as she prepares to do his autopsy. OWEN (v.o.) : My death. Owen sits up suddenly, panting. OWEN (v.o.) : The death I survived. EXT. MALL - DAY Owen stands in the middle of the walkway. The world around him moves on past him. Everyone is walking past him as life continues. OWEN (v.o.) : The death I am now living through. INT. OWEN'S PLACE REVERSE VIEW : OWEN'S REFRIGERATOR Owen opens the refrigerator door and reaches for a bottle of something to drink. OWEN (v.o.) : Except... this isn't living. Then, he remembers that he can't drink anything. He puts it back. OWEN (v.o.) : Every day it's the same. THE NEXT DAY : Owen opens the refrigerator door and looks at the bottles of things he can't consume. [SCENE_BREAK] In the bathroom, Owen lathers up some shaving foam in his hands. OWEN (v.o.) : I get up, get ready for work the same as everyone else. Then, he remembers that he no longer has facial hair to shave. He looks at his reflection in the mirror and swallows. INT. THE HUB - CONTAINMENT CELLS Owen stands in front of the weevil cage. OWEN (v.o.) : The thing is, I'm not the same. The weevil cowers in the darkness, lifts its head and howls. WEEVIL : Aaaahh ! INT. THE HUB - OUTSIDE THE COG DOOR Owen stands outside the cog door. OWEN (v.o.) : I get to work and everyone's doing the same old thing. The lights flash and the door rolls open. He turns to go inside. Jack, Toshiko and Gwen are up at the workstations. OWEN (v.o.) : Babbling away about aliens and weddings. He enters the hub. INT. UNDER WATER - DAY Owen is under water. OWEN (v.o.) : I'm not real. Three days ago, I died. He looks at his hand. OWEN (v.o.) : And they think I'm fine,... but they're wrong. Owen screams. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BUILDINGS - NIGHT (PRESENT) PULL UP to the tallest building where we find Owen and a blonde-haired woman sitting side-by-side on the edge, their legs dangling off the side. OWEN : So, are you ready to jump ? Opening credits EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT (PRESENT) Owen and Maggie sit side-by-side on the edge, their legs dangling off the side. MAGGIE : Would you just piss off. Get off my roof. OWEN : Your roof ? MAGGIE : I'm going to jump, so just leave me alone. OWEN (sighs) : Look, darlin', you know, I'm not here to stop you. Seriously. (He unzips his jacket). You think you've got problems ? (Scoffs). What, did your man dump you ? MAGGIE : Sorry, love, are you talking to me ? It's just, you know, I'm a bit busy right now. I'm not really interested in listen... (She stops when she sees his bullet wound in his chest). What is that ? OWEN : I got shot. MAGGIE : Yeah, right. He looks at her, half smiles and nods. She sticks her finger in his bullet wound. Now, she's freaking. MAGGIE : Oh, my God. She climbs down from her perch on the wall and steps back just to put some distance between them. MAGGIE : What the hell are you ? Owen climbs down off the wall. Maggie is still backing away from him. OWEN : I'm dead. MAGGIE : That's not... Look, you can't be dead, you're... you're standing here. You're talking. You're moving. You're... you're not dead. Wha... ? You're... You're dead ? OWEN : Yeah, I was brought back... like Jesus really, but without the beard, you know. (Realizes). sh1t, I'm never gonna have a beard. Not that I wanted one you understand, but you know, one day I... MAGGIE : Yeah. Okay. Okay. You're dead and that's... that's clearly a bit sh1t and I'm sorry and everything but, if you are dead, then why are you here ? You can't be wanting to jump. You can't die twice. OWEN : Sorry, are you an expert ? MAGGIE : Sorry, are you an idiot ? OWEN : Yeah. I'm a dead idiot. MAGGIE : So, come on then, what's it like ? She sticks a cigarette in her mouth and lights it. OWEN : What ? MAGGIE : Well, being dead. What delights have I got to look forward to ? OWEN : Darkness. Nothing. MAGGIE : Cheery, thanks. Look, why are you here ? Owen looks at her. JACK (PRE-LAP, v.o.) : Dr. Owen Harper, Torchwood Officer 565, I'm relieving you of your position. INT. THE HUB - JACK'S OFFICE - NIGHT (EARLIER) Jack is at his desk as he delivers the bad news to Owen. Ianto is near the doorway. OWEN : Bollocks. I'm sorry, Jack, this is bollocks ! JACK : Hand in your weapon and your security pass. OWEN : But why ? I'm fine. JACK : Three days ago, you died. We need to examine you. We need to find out what you are. We need to be certain you're okay. OWEN : Yeah, well it almost sounds as if you care, well done. JACK : Until I'm confident you're fit for duty, Martha Jones will replace you as Torchwood's new medical officer. OWEN : She's doing all right out of this, isn't she ? JACK (stands up) : She's worked out a series of tests and examinations. OWEN : And what if I refuse ? JACK : You'll be confined to the cells, the tests will be done, and if the results show that you're a danger to the team, appropriate steps will be taken. Ianto steps in closer. Jack also steps in closer to Owen. JACK : I'm asking you, Owen. Please, let us help you. Let us make sure you're safe. Owen doesn't look at him. IANTO : I'm gonna need your gun. Owen turns and looks at him. He takes his gun out and reluctantly gives it to Ianto. IANTO : And your security pass. (Owen looks at Ianto). Please... Just behind them and through the glass in the wall, Martha is in the workstations. He glances at her, then takes his security pass out and gives it to Ianto. OWEN : And how long are Dr. Jones' tests going to take ? JACK : As long as they need to. OWEN : And what the hell am I supposed to do in the meantime ? JACK : We always need someone to make coffee. OWEN : Oh, no. [SCENE_BREAK] CLOSE-UP : COFFEE MACHINE Ianto is at his area at the base of the spiral stairs as he fills up the coffee cup. Owen sits in the chair nearby. IANTO : Voila. Fresh and strong. (He smells it appreciatively). Mmmm. Owen gets up. Ianto steps aside and hands the cup to Owen. OWEN : And, uh... we couldn't just have a jar of instant, no ? IANTO : I thought you liked your coffee. OWEN : Have you seen what happens when I drink these days ? IANTO : Yeah. Thank you, Owen. Ianto takes the cup away from him. IANTO : Do you want a go ? OWEN : Ooh, please. Owen turns to try his hand at the machine. Owen grabs the handle. The cups rattle as he tries to get it to work, but it doesn't. OWEN : Come on. What's wrong with this ? IANTO : You, um... Owen grabs both handles and shakes it. The cups and dishes rattle loudly. Some sound as if they break. He turns and sees Jack and Martha on the stairs watching him. He rests his chin on the machine in humiliation. IANTO (quietly) : You okay ? OWEN (sighs and turns around) : What do you think ? I bet you're loving this, aren't you ? It's like you've finally won. IANTO : I didn't realize we were in competition. OWEN : Oh, come on ! Even Tosh had more of a life than you used to. And now you're always out on missions, you're shagging Jack and I'm stuck here making the coffee. IANTO : It's not like that. Me and Jack. Ianto goes to the machine and fixes a cup of coffee. OWEN : Yeah, yeah... You and Jack. Gwen's getting married. Martha's got her bloke. God, even Tosh had Tommy. This is really sh1t ! Ianto goes about his business. IANTO : We've all gone through sh1t. I've seen you dissect alien corpses. I've seen you save so many lives. Are you really going to let this beat you ? He leaves Owen with that. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - AUTOPSY AREA Owen is on the treadmill. His image is up on the monitor as Martha tests him. The machine beeps. Owen stops it. He smiles. OWEN : So, you're choosing me over the boyfriend ? Owen steps off the treadmill and picks up the barbells. He starts lifting them. Martha goes to the treadmill to check the readings. MARTHA : Yeah, that's it. You really don't need to worry, you know, I don't want your job. OWEN : Yes, I know. You just find me irresistible. MARTHA (rolls her eyes) : Oh, yeah, that's it. Every morning I wake up and think of ways to get you alone like this. (She goes back to the computer). There is no sign of any muscle decay. You're in great shape, as ever. OWEN : Hmm, no use coming onto me, Jones. I'm a changed man. MARTHA : And... um, no stiffening anywhere ? OWEN : Well... MARTHA : Just answer the question. OWEN : No, no signs of rigor mortis. Owen puts the barbells down. OWEN : So, if I keep up the exercise, I won't atrophy ? She appears with the hand-held monitor and scans him. MARTHA : Yep. And bonus, definitely looks like you're not going to age either. There's no further sign of cell mutation. You're a hundred percent human. (She turns the monitor off). A hundred percent Owen. Owen nods. The intercom beeps. GWEN (from speaker) : Hi, Martha. Meeting in the boardroom. Can you come down ? OWEN : You'd better go... Doctor. MARTHA : What about you ? OWEN : Cappuccino with chocolate sprinkles. MARTHA (smiles, confused) : What ? OWEN : That's what you drink, isn't it ? Suddenly, it's very awkward. Martha turns and leaves. Owen's smile fades. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - CONFERENCE ROOM Everyone except Owen is there. JACK : Henry John Parker. He used to be a looker. Now he's 80-odd and even I have my limits. The door opens. Owen walks in with a tray of coffee. JACK : Your basic millionaire collector of alien hoo-hah. OWEN (quietly) : Didn't we file him in the "mostly harmless" category ? He puts a cup down in front of Ianto. MARTHA : So, what's the problem ? Owen continues setting coffee cups down on the table. TOSHIKO : I detected this at 5:17 this morning. Parker's house. There's an energy spike coming from it. I've never seen anything like it before. GWEN : Okay. So, the big question is, what's our Mr. Parker gone and found this time ? Gwen and Ianto quietly switch coffee cups as Owen heads to the back of the room. MARTHA : Why ? Do you think he's a threat ? GWEN : Well, he hasn't been up until now. (Owen wipes his tray as he listens). He's a bit Howard Hughes. We know he's there, we know he's not a threat. But as the story goes, he hasn't left the house since his wife died. Nobody's seen him since 1986. OWEN : We've been monitoring Parker for ages. There's nothing to be scared of is there ? Owen quickly sits down at the table with the others. There's a brief awkwardness with him being there when he's not supposed to. IANTO : Unlike, say, Tintin ? OWEN : Okay ! I never liked Tintin. What ? He's weird. He's got a funny face and his hair is just, he's horrible. IANTO : I always loved Tintin. OWEN : Yeah, well you would. And he never had a girlfriend did he, just the dog. Yeah, so I reckon he was actually shagging the dog. GWEN (interrupts) : Okay, meanwhile, back at Torchwood. Alien energy pulse. (to Jack) We've got to check this Parker out, okay ? (Jack nods. Gwen gets to her feet). Tosh, can you get me a complete schematic of the house ? Ianto, find out exactly what he's got. Get me an inventory of everything that he's bought over the last ten years. Martha, can you get a hold of his medical history ? MARTHA : Sure. GWEN : Okay, let's get to it, guys. As everyone gets to their feet, Jack levels a look at Owen. He then gets to his feet to leave as well. Owen is left sitting at the table. JACK (o.s.) : Hey, Gwen, any news on Banana Boat ? GWEN : Can you believe it ? Best Man, arrested in Lanzarote. JACK : What for ? GWEN : Ah, dodgy Cds. OWEN (PRE-LAP v.o.) : Worldwide, nearly a million people kill themselves each year. The door closes behind them. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT (PRESENT) OWEN : That's almost three times the population of Cardiff. Makes you think. MAGGIE : What are you ? Some sort of suicide geek ? OWEN : No, just a doctor. In fact, I'm not just a doctor. I'm a bloody brilliant doctor. MARTHA (PRE-LAP, v.o.) : I know you are. INT. THE HUB - AUTOPSY AREA (EARLIER) Owen sits on the table while Martha is working on the computer. OWEN : So why are you doing my job ? He absently plays with a scalpel, flipping it and catching it. Martha turns to look at him. MARTHA : Because Gwen asked me to. OWEN : That's not what I mean. MARTHA : Because you died. And because you need help. That's not a bad thing. Well, it's a bad thing that you died obviously, but it's not bad that you need help. If you know what I mean. OWEN : You're kinda cute when you babble. MARTHA : And you're kinda cute when you're not chucking a scalpel about. OWEN : But I'm making the sodding coffee ! (He stands up. Martha goes back to typing on the computer). I mean, come on, won't your bloke be missing you ? How about Jack ! Has he seen Jack ? They always get jealous when they meet Jack. MARTHA (irritated) : Owen, I don't want your job. I just want to do mine. OWEN : Okay, I'm dead, but I am one hundred percent human. I'm fine. MARTHA : You've sliced your hand open. Owen drops the scalpel as he opens his hand. It clatters on the floor. He is sufficiently freaked. TIME CUT TO : Owen sits on the table as Martha tends to his hand. MARTHA : The wound's not going to heal, so, you're going to have to re-stitch it every week or so. At least you don't need anesthetic. OWEN : Yeah, can't feel anything. I can't feel the needle or thread. I can't feel your hands on mine. Yet, I can touch things. I can hold 'em, I know they're there. But I just... can't feel anything. I'm numb. MARTHA : Do you see why Jack's worried ? Bruises won't heal. Bones won't mend. You're... fragile. Owen takes a breath. OWEN : Yeah, well, I'd better get used to doing things myself. He takes the needle and thread from her to stitch up his own hand. MAGGIE (PRE-LAP, v.o.) : So she offers to help you and you push her away ? Charming. EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT (PRESENT) Maggie takes another cigarette out of the box. OWEN : Yeah, hole in the chest. Sorry if I don't follow social niceties any more. Owen climbs up on the wall to take his seat next to her. MAGGIE : You mean you did before ? She lights the cigarette. OWEN : God, you're a pain in the arse, aren't you ? Is that why your man dumped you ? (She looks at him). Ooh, I hit a nerve ? What, did you get your heart broken ? MAGGIE : No, actually. He died. OWEN : I'm sorry. MAGGIE : No you're not. You couldn't care less about me and I don't care about you. Just because we're both planning on jumping, it doesn't mean we have some sort of special connection. OWEN : You don't know the half of it. INT. THE HUB - WORKSTATIONS / JACK'S OFFICE (EARLIER) Gwen is at her workstation going through some papers. Owen walks up to her and puts her cup down. His hand is bandaged up. She glances at him. [SCENE_BREAK] Owen talks with Jack. OWEN : Give me something to do. JACK : You know I can't. Rules and regulations. Owen takes Jack's cup and plate. OWEN : Fine. I might as well go home then. JACK : Okay. Owen turns toward the door. He turns back. OWEN : What exactly do I do when I get there ? JACK : Watch TV... chill. OWEN : Jack, I'm dead. I'm permanently chilled. You know, you get to live forever. I get to die forever. It's funny that. Owen turns and leaves. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OWEN'S PLACE - DAY Owen is back at home, sitting on the sofa with the television set on. MAN 1 (from tv) : I'll look into it myself. MAN 2 (from tv) : Can I arrange something for later ? RANDOM MAN (from tv) : Yep. HOST (from tv) : Oh, hello ! And welcome to To Buy Or Not To Buy, the property show that lets you indulge in your... Owen turns the sound off. He sits on the sofa for a moment, puts the remote down and rubs his eyes. He gets up and looks at his place. He picks up a large trash bag, walks over to the refrigerator, turns the iPod on and opens the refrigerator. He clears out the food inside. [SCENE_BREAK] In the bathroom, he throws away the toilet tissue. He opens the medicine cabinet and tosses all the shaving and grooming products on the bottom shelf. CUT BACK TO : Owen clears off the items on the refrigerator door. CUT BACK TO : In the bathroom, Owen tosses all the products on the top shelf in the medicine cabinet. [SCENE_BREAK] Owen takes the garbage bag and closes the refrigerator door. He picks up the brand new loaf of bread on the table and looks at it. He tosses it in the garbage bag. He then throws away all the food on the table. He throws away the food on the counter, including a bowl of fresh fruit... and a handful of rotting bananas. He stops. [SCENE_BREAK] Owen is back to sitting on the couch. VARIOUS CUTS OF OWEN BEING BORED He stands in the bathroom. He looks at his empty refrigerator.) More Owen being bored. His eyes drift shut. Suddenly, his doorbell is ringing. It takes him a moment to realize that his doorbell is ringing. Owen opens the door and finds Toshiko there. She smiles at him. [SCENE_BREAK] Toshiko bursts in. She's carrying a box of pizza. TOSHIKO : Do you mind if I eat, I'm starving ? She heads into the kitchen. OWEN : No, help yourself. So, Jack asked you to come round did he ? "Talk to Owen. Get him to open up, goddamn it". He sits at the counter. TOSHIKO : You haven't changed, have you ? It's all about Owen. (She grabs her bottle of drink and looks around). I've had a hell of a morning, you know. Do you have a... ? She motions opening the bottle. OWEN (points) : Top drawer. She turns to get the bottle opener. TOSHIKO : So, Jack calls me in at 5:00 this morning. (She opens the bottle). He could've waited until I got in, but no, strange energy spike, and it's "Let's get Tosh in." Oh, and when Gwen got in, first thing she did ? Say sorry for not asking me to be bridesmaid. (voice fades) I mean, me, a bridesmaid ? Toshiko eats and continues talking. Owen drowns her out, not paying attention to her. MAGGIE (v.o.) : You sound like an old married couple. EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT - PRESENT Owen and Maggie talk. MAGGIE : Brian used to say I talked too much. OWEN : Tell me about him. MAGGIE : Today's my wedding anniversary. Quick flashes of : Maggie exiting the church in her white wedding dress. She and her husband leave. MAGGIE (whispers) : My perfect day... Quick flashes of : Maggie is walking along the road, her white dress drenched red with blood. She staggers, then sits on the side of the grassy hill. MAGGIE : It was an accident. Quick flash of : Maggie in her blood-stained wedding dress. She heads toward the overturned car. She sits on the grass and touches her dead husband's hand. She looks around for help. MAGGIE : We'd been married less than an hour. Quick flash of : Maggie climbs up the grassy hill to the road. Her face is cut. She makes her way along the empty road. MAGGIE : I was picking confetti out of my hair when it happens. OWEN : sh1t. I'm... MAGGIE : Sorry, yeah. I know. OWEN : You've waited until your wedding anniversary to kill yourself ? Why ? MAGGIE : Does it matter ? OWEN : Why have you waited ? MAGGIE : Because I believe people. I... I believe them when they said it would get better. So, what do you think, Doctor ? Do you... do you really think it's going to get any better ? They lapse into silence. Maggie inhales from her cigarette, then tosses it off the side of the building. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OWEN'S PLACE - DAY (EARLIER) Owen is in his kitchen, staring at nothing. He closes his eyes. PAN slowly around Owen to REVEAL that Toshiko is still there and talking. We can't hear a word she's saying as Owen has tuned her out. Owen's brows furrow as something occurs to him. We hear Toshiko's voice now, mid-conversation. TOSHIKO (fades in) : ... bounced a message from the stars. Guess what... It's Croatian. I ran it through the language translator and it's flipping Croatian. OWEN (interrupts) : Why are you here, Tosh ? TOSHIKO : I want to help you. He nods. OWEN : And how are you going to do that ? How are you going to help me ? I mean, am I going to be a new special project ? TOSHIKO : Come on, Owen, I just... OWEN : That's not why you're here is it ? For some reason you want me. You know I don't know why, but you always have... always looking at me, watching me screw all those other women, your heart breaking and now it's different. Because I'm safe now, aren't I ? And it's all cozy and it's romantic and isn't it beautiful ? TOSHIKO : You can say what you like. I'm not leaving you. OWEN : Of course, not. This is it, isn't it ? This is the date that we were talking babout. You've got your beer, you've got pizza, you and me. It's just how you wanted it. All we need now is a sodding pool table. TOSHIKO : Stop it ! What's wrong with you ? OWEN : I'm broken, Tosh ! I don't work. I've got no heartbeat, no feelings, no tears ! I have got nothing to give you ! I... Do you understand that ? Maybe that's what you want ! Maybe you want somebody who's as screwed up as you ! Who's twisted and screwed up like you are. (He holds up his bandaged right hand). You want to see broken ? (He grabs his pinky finger). Do you want to see broken, Tosh ? He bends it backward till the bones crack. TOSHIKO : Owen ! Stop it ! What are you doing ?! He bends it all the way back. Toshiko stares at him. Owen sees the look on her face and can't take it any more. He runs out. The door slams shut behind him. EXT. OUTSIDE - DAY Owen runs... across the green grass... and past people watching. He runs as fast as he can. Owen turns and runs along the wooden pier. He runs to the end of the pier... and jumps into the water. Owen plunges into the water. He closes his eyes and all the bubbles clear. He opens his eyes and drifts in the water. [SCENE_BREAK] Owen puts a hand on the wooden pier and pulls himself up. He rests there a moment. Jack steps up to him and checks his wristband. JACK : Thirty-six minutes. Not bad. OWEN : You were watching ? JACK : Skinny guy in tight jeans runs into water ? I was taking pictures. Jack starts walking away. Owen quickly gets up. He's dripping. Jack stops and turns around. JACK : How long is this going to go on for, Owen ? Jack turns and walks away from him. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. THE HUB - CONFERENCE ROOM Gwen leads the meeting with Jack, Ianto and Martha sitting at the table. GWEN : Ianto, what have you found out about Parker ? IANTO : I've identified some of the things he's purchased over the past year. We've got a Dogon eye. A pair of Myakian wings, some meteorites. An Arcateenian translation of James Herbert's The Fog. But there are a few things we've never seen before. GWEN : So one of these is causing the energy spikes ? IANTO : Looks like it. And they're getting bigger, dangerously bigger. GWEN : Well, okay we need to get in there. Gwen reaches across the table to hand Ianto a file. Ianto stands and leans over the table to get it. GWEN : Parker employs a Mr. Philip Farrington to run security. There's at least six guards, CCTV everywhere, all of which we can bring down by taking out the generator. But then there's these... (they turn to look at the monitor) heat sensors. MARTHA : As in body heat ? GWEN : Yep. Solar-powered. There's one on every doorway, every window. IANTO : So, how do we get past them ? OWEN (o.s.) : Sounds like you need a dead man. They turn and find Owen standing in the doorway, a towel draped around his neck, his hair still damp. His pinky finger is bandaged up as well. OWEN : Someone with no body heat. He walks into the room. OWEN : What have you got to lose ? He looks at Jack. Jack looks at him, measuring him. He motions to Ianto. Ianto offers Owen his gun back. Owen takes it. Jack nods. Footsteps approach. It's Toshiko. Owen turns around. OWEN : Tosh ? She offers his keys back to him. TOSHIKO : I turned your telly off. She leaves the keys with him and she walks away. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT (PRESENT) Maggie and Owen talk. Maggie sits on the roof wall, her back to the edge as she faces Owen. MAGGIE : You screamed at her, you said all those things, and that's it ? OWEN : That's Tosh. Always the professional. She hops off the roof wall. MAGGIE : I don't care. I'm not interested in you, in old men or, or alien meteors. I came here because my husband died. I just want to jump. Owen looks at her and nods. Suddenly, he grabs her and rushes toward the edge of the roof. OWEN : Let's get on with it ! MAGGIE (shouts) : Get off me ! He lets her go. OWEN : You, you're too scared. MAGGIE : Aren't you ? (Owen doesn't answer her). How did... how did you get from that to here ? The sirens wail below. She looks at him. MAGGIE : What happened ? [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. OUTSIDE PARKER RESIDENCE - NIGHT (EARLIER) Martha talks with Owen. Jack watches behind her with the monitors they've set up. Owen is wearing a jacket with the hood over his head. MARTHA : If you hurt yourself, you will not recover. Like I said... any bruises you get, they're not going to heal. Do not engage in physical combat... one punch you're gone. Be careful. OWEN : I understand, I'm made of glass. Owen turns to head out. MARTHA : Owen ? He stops and looks at her. MARTHA : Just take care. He nods, then turns to head out when Jack stops him. JACK : Oh, and... uh ... you'll need this. Jack tosses a white cloth to him. Owen looks at Jack. Owen nods, then turns to go. He runs down the path along the bushes. [SCENE_BREAK] TOP VIEW DOWN on the estate pool. A security guard walks along the edge of the pool. PULL BACK to show the large wall bordering the estate and Owen making his way on the outside of the wall. Owen stops outside the gate and looks in. He presses his back to the stone wall. TOSHIKO (from comm) : Owen ? Owen turns his comm on. OWEN (quietly to comm) : Yeah... Hi, Tosh. TOSHIKO (from comm) : Okay, the power in the house is supplied from one private electrical generator. There's a backup unit but take the main one down and you've got one minute, twenty of blackout time. The security guard walks past the gate. OWEN : Can you get rid of one of the blokes here ? IANTO : It might look a bit suspicious if there were two phone calls. OWEN : Try and make it the big one, okay ? The two guards circle around the pool in a routine manner. Something shrieks in the night. One of the guards turns and looks. A cell phone rings. The guard turns and looks at the other guard. Owen also turns and quickly glances at the guard nearest the gate whose phone is ringing. The smaller guard answers his phone. OWEN (quiet) : Arse. BEN TAYLOR (GUARD) (to phone) : Hello ? INTERCUT WITH : INT. THE HUB - WORKSTATIONS Gwen is on the speakerphone. GWEN (to phone) : Mr. Taylor ? BEN TAYLOR (to phone) : Yeah, that's right. Who's this ? GWEN (to phone) : I'm calling from St. Helen's Hospital. Mrs. Christine Taylor was brought in an hour ago. She's been involved in a car accident. The other guard approaches Ben Taylor. BEN TAYLOR (to phone) : Is she hurt ? GWEN : She's going to be fine, but she's asking to see you. BEN TAYLOR : Of course, I'm on my way. He hangs up. GUARD 2 : You all right ? BEN TAYLOR : It's Chrissie, she's been in an accident. Look, I've got to go. GUARD 2 : Yeah, of course. Ben leaves. Owen quickly moves to the other side of the gate. The remaining guard looksaround. GUARD 2 (to radio) : Mr. Farrington ? Ben's had to go. His wife's been in an accident. The guard walks out of the pool area through the gate. He passes Owen without seeing him. Owen runs in through the gate, passes the pool and quickly up the lawn. Owen makes his way cautiously along the wall of the greenhouse building. He reaches the main lawn and stops for a moment, then continues toward the electrical box. OWEN (quietly, to comm) : Okay, guys, I'm here. He opens the electrical box. The hinges squeak. A guard walks up to him from behind. GUARD : Move away from there. Startled, Owen turns around to find the guard walking up to him. GUARD (grabs Owen) : I said ! Owen kicks the guard. The guard falls to the ground. Owen takes out the white cloth Jack gave him. He looks at it and sees it's a t-shirt complete with toon boy and dog : Tintin. OWEN (groans) : Yeah, okay, guys. Very funny. Owen wraps the shirt around his hand just as the guard starts to get up. GUARD : Argh ! Owen pulls his gun out and the guard stops. OWEN : No, no, no. Do you want to see what I can do ? GUARD : What ? Owen turns and sticks his shirt-wrapped hand in the electrical box and shorts it out. The lights in the house flash. Owen grins. OWEN : Woo ! Owen pulls out the main cable. The power goes out completely. OWEN : I'm dead already, mate. FARRINGTON (over radio) : Webb ? Dave, are you there ? Before he can answer, Owen kicks him and knocks him out. GUARD : Oh ! TOSHIKO (from comm) : One minute, twenty until the backup generator comes online. Owen turns and runs toward the main house. FARRINGTON (from radio) : This is Farrington to all units. The backup generator will be running in 45 seconds. Stay at your posts, please. INT. MAIN HOUSE - FRONT DOORS / FOYER - NIGHT Owen reaches the front doors and kneels in front of the glass. FARRINGTON (from radio) : Mr. Parker's personal generator is unaffected. TOSHIKO (from comm) : Sorry, Owen, they've obviously had some work done. He pushes the front doors open and steps cautiously into the house. As he walks in, he notices the green sensor lights on the floor. OWEN : Heat sensors. He waves his arm direction in its path. Nothing. He looks at his hand. OWEN : I am literally too cool for school. He turns his flashlight on and looks around. He makes his way into the house. INT. MAIN HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Owen makes his way through the hallway. OWEN : Right, I'm in. TOSHIKO (from comm) : Okay, the energy reading seems to be coming from the first floor. A room at the back of the house. OWEN : Can you give me anything else ? TOSHIKO (from comm) : No, the energy source is playing havoc with the system, sorry. OWEN : No worries. I'm getting used to being in the dark. Owen reaches a room that looks like the kitchen. The power switches on and the lights power up. Owen runs. INT. MAIN HOUSE - STAIRS - CONTINUOUS Owen starts up the stairs. A security guard appears at the top of the steps behind Owen. SECURITY GUARD : Hold it there. Owen stops. He pushes his hood back and looks at the security guard at the top of the stairs, measuring him. OWEN : Evenin'. Nice place you've got here. (Starts up slowly). Love what you've done with the pictures. SECURITY GUARD : Who are you ? Why aren't the sensors picking you up ? There are sensors at each corner of the window Owen is walking past. The guard starts getting nervous. Owen continues up the stairs. SECURITY GUARD : Okay, stop ! Stop or I'll shoot. OWEN : No, you won't. You're a security guard. Come on, that gun's just for show, innit ? Owen continues up the stairs. OWEN : Do you know what a bullet does to a living person ? It's not like a knife through butter, no, no, no, no. It rotates, tears into the flesh and the gooey stuff behind... it rips into the organs, and, ooh, it's not nice. Owen is nearly to the top of the stairs. OWEN : But anyway, I haven't got any body heat. You must know what that means ? You can't kill a dead man. SECURITY GUARD : What are you ? OWEN : I'm wrong. SECURITY GUARD : What are you ?! Owen shows him his broken left hand. OWEN : I'm broken. I'm Dr Owen Harper. Owen grabs the gun away from the security guard. OWEN : And I'm having one hell of a day. Owen smashes the gun into the security guard's face, knocking him out. Owen steps over the guard, drops the security guard's gun near him and takes his own gun out. The cartridge clicks as he snaps it in place. INT. MAIN HOUSE - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Owen starts down the hallway, his gun held out in front of him. EXT. OUTSIDE PROPERTY Jack and Martha wait. INT. THE HUB - NIGHT Ianto and Gwen wait. INT. MAIN HOUSE - ROOM - CONTINUOUS Owen continues through the hallway. He checks the first door, then continues. Owen reaches the end of the hallway. He opens the door and enters the room. In the room is a shelf with various items on display. Owen looks at the items. Whatever he's looking for isn't there. He turns and looks at a second shelf with more items on display. Again, not there. Owen lifts his gun and heads for the door at the back of the room. INT. MAIN HOUSE - PARKER'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS Owen opens the door and finds Parker's bedroom, a large mosquito net-covered bed in the middle of the room with various medical equipment and monitors around it. Owen walks in. Henry Parker is on the bed, seemingly asleep. Owen turns to look at some items on display on a shelf. HENRY PARKER : Yes ? Owen is startled. He turns and finds Henry Parker awake. A heart monitor beeps steadily. OWEN : It's okay, mate. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm a doctor. HENRY PARKER : You're a very violent doctor. I've been watching you. Parker lifts his hand and indicates the security monitors set up nearby. Owen pushes the netting aside to look at the old man. OWEN : Henry Parker, yeah ? HENRY PARKER : You're Torchwood, yes ? INTERCUT WITH : Outside, Jack and Martha listen. HENRY PARKER (from Owen's comm) : Did the American send you ? Martha turns and looks at Jack. Jack looks at Martha. OWEN : Yeah, he sent me. How do you know so much about us ? HENRY PARKER : They could've sent that Japanese girl, I like her. INTERCUT WITH : In the hub, Toshiko listens and is surprised. OWEN : Yeah, well, I'm sorry. You got me. HENRY PARKER : Is she... uh... on your phone thing ? That earpiece ? OWEN : Yeah. HENRY PARKER (to Toshiko) : Hello ! Just to say you've got very lovely legs. (Toshiko smiles). You should show them off more. Parker coughs. OWEN : What's wrong with you ? HENRY PARKER : Three heart attacks and a failed bypass. But I'm fine, because I have this. Parker takes out the alien device hidden under his covers. It looks like a large shell. It glows, pulses with light and emits a hollow sound. HENRY PARKER : It's called "the Pulse". OWEN : You know what it is ? Owen takes his backpack off and opens it. HENRY PARKER : I named it. It's keeping me alive. (Owen takes his hand-held device out to measure the energy readings). No ! You're not taking it. Owen takes his readings. OWEN : It could be dangerous. We've been detecting massive energy readings. HENRY PARKER : I don't care. All I know is, it works. OWEN : Well, I'm sorry, it doesn't. HENRY PARKER : What ? OWEN : The energy isn't going into you. The power's just building up inside that thing, that's what we've been detecting but... it isn't actually doing anything for you. HENRY PARKER : You're wrong. I can feel it. No, no. I'm not going to die. OWEN : Listen, please. Listen to me. There are loads of people's lives at risk. If that explodes, then we don't know what the fallout will be. HENRY PARKER : You're young. You don't understand what dying feels like. OWEN : Believe me, I do. I really do. HENRY PARKER : There's nothing there ! OWEN : Where ? HENRY PARKER : On the other side, nothing. I'm dying. Take away my Pulse and I'm gone, my body decomposing. OWEN : You can't stop it, Mr. Parker. I'm sorry, but it's going to happen one day. Owen pulls up a chair and sits down next to the bed. HENRY PARKER : It'll be dark and I'll be alone. OWEN : Where are you now ? It's dark and you're all alone, so what's the difference ? HENRY PARKER : I don't understand what's keeping me here. Parker coughs. The monitor alarm beeps. Owen puts the oxygen mask on Parker and lets him breathe in deep. After he's calmed down and the monitor alarm stops, Owen removes the oxygen mask. OWEN : It's hope. That thing... it's just hope. Do you really think all this is better than death ? HENRY PARKER : It's got to be. It is better ! OWEN : You're just scared of the darkness. Join the club. Trust me. I know how sh1t everything can be. HENRY PARKER : Eh... Don't you sit there pontificating, you're just a boy. What do you know about anything ? I've traveled the world. I fought in the war. Started my own business. I made a fortune. Married. Widowed. My collection, all of it. I've done so much and this is where I ended up. Alone. Lying in my own piss and do you know what I want ? OWEN : Clean sheets ? HENRY PARKER : I want a steak. Medium rare. Black pepper sauce. Look at me ! Fed through a tube. I might as well be dead already. (The Pulse keens. Softly). I might as well be dead. Why don't you take it ? Parker lifts the Pulse and offers it to Owen. HENRY PARKER (softly) : Take it. Owen takes it from him and sets it aside on the bed. OWEN : Well ? HENRY PARKER : Oh, Christ, it's dark, I'm alone, I'm so alone. Owen reaches for his hand and holds it. OWEN : It's all right, I'm here with you. HENRY PARKER : Uh. I'm still stuck here, though. In this bed, in the dark. OWEN : You know what ? I'm going to come back. You and me. We're going to face all of this together. I'm going to help you. HENRY PARKER : Torchwood, if you come back, you can tell me all about it. Tell me what it's like. I want to hear about the aliens and everything ! I need... I need to know that there's more out there. That this isn't all there is. (Off Owen's hesitant look). Oh, come on ! I'm dying, who am I going to tell, the Angel Gabriel ? If you come back, I won't tell the Japanese girl that you're still holding my hand. OWEN : Well, maybe. Parker smiles. He starts coughing and the heart monitor flatlines. Owen turns and reaches for the oxygen mask. He puts it on Parker's face. OWEN : Deep breath. Owen turns and presses the buttons on the machine. OWEN : Mr. Parker ? The heart monitor flatlines. Parker doesn't respond. Owen sets the oxygen mask aside. OWEN : Henry ? Still no response. Owen gets to work. He turns and checks the monitors. He checks Parker for a pulse and removes the pillow from behind his head. He starts chest compressions and leans in to give him mouth-to-mouth when he stops. He has no breath to give him. He lifts his hand to his mouth. No breath. Owen hits the bed in frustration. OWEN : I'm sorry. I'm so sorry ! Owen puts his head down in frustration and despair. OWEN (PRE-LAP, v.o.) : I couldn't save him. EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT - PRESENT OWEN : He needed to give him air but I couldn't. I've got no breath ! Everything I've seen, everything that's out there and it was an old man dying of a heart attack. It was just another person dying because of me. (Owen climbs up on the wall and stands up). Everything that's happened and that was the final straw. Because at that moment I just wanted it all to end. TOSHIKO (PRE-LAP, from comm.) : Owen. Owen closes his eyes. INT. MAIN HOUSE - PARKER'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS Owen's head is down on Parker's chest. The Pulse is glowing dangerously bright next to him. TOSHIKO (from comm.) : Owen, can you hear me ? Owen doesn't respond. INTERCUT WITH : INT. THE HUB TOSHIKO (firmly) : Owen, come in ! Owen stirs. OWEN (mumbles) : Yeah, yeah, I'm here. TOSHIKO : The device ? Is it doing anything ? (Owen glances at the Pulse). Because the energy levels coming from it are... Owen ? It's going off the screen. INTERCUT WITH : The bright light on Toshiko's monitor grows brighter and brighter with waves of energy emitting from the source. TOSHIKO : It's going to explode ! INTERCUT WITH : JACK : Tosh ? What can we do ? TOSHIKO : Nothing ! There's nothing ! Gwen and Ianto head toward Toshiko. Owen reaches for the Pulse. He's strangely calm about it. OWEN : It's okay. I'm going to hold it. JACK : Owen, what are you doing ? OWEN (from comm) : See if I can absorb it. TOSHIKO : Owen, the energy reading's off the scale. You won't survive. Owen tucks the Pulse in the crook of his arm and cradles it close to his body. OWEN : It's okay. These things happen. MARTHA : There must be something we can do. OWEN (from comm) : Martha, Martha. MARTHA : Owen ? OWEN : If it destroys me, they're going to need a new doctor. You've got all the credentials : medical skills, a cracking arse. Toshiko, Gwen and Ianto listen. Everyone is quiet. He means it. OWEN : Jack ? If you even attempt to bring me back again. Gwen, Ianto, it was fun. Honestly, thank you. Tosh ? (Silence) Tosh ? Come on, answer me. TOSHIKO : Owen. OWEN : I'm sorry. Beat. TOSHIKO : I love you. Waves of colored light float out of the Pulse as it grows and ribbons out... reaching. Owen closes his eyes and holds onto the Pulse. The light continues to grow and reach out past Owen. EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT - PRESENT Owen and Maggie are up on the roof. MAGGIE : What happened ? OWEN : We all assume life's going to be sh1t, don't we ? That it's all just darkness. But you know what ? Sometimes, it's not. Owen gets off the wall. He kneels and opens his backpack on the ground. He takes out the Pulse. Bursts of ribbons of light continue to fluctuate out from the device. He turns and shows it to Maggie. She kneels to look at it, enraptured by it. MAGGIE : What is it ? OWEN : Do you remember in the '70s, NASA sent messages into space ? A map of our solar system, pictures of what we look like. It had images and voices, music. Even a bit of Chuck Berry. Well, this is a reply, not that we know who from. MAGGIE : What does it do ? OWEN : It sang to me. He holds it up to her. A ribbon of light reaches out from the device. It floats and waves back and forth between them. OWEN : It's a glimmer of light in the darkness. See ? Sometimes it does get better. They take a moment and watch the light. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CARDIFF CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT EXT. THE PLAZA - NIGHT Jack, Owen and Martha get out of the SUV. Gwen and Ianto join them. Owen turns and helps Martha out of the back seat. OWEN : Well, I'm sorry, Dr. Jones. No vacancies in Cardiff just yet. MARTHA : That's okay. I reckon you're... I was going to say "fine", but you're a hell of a lot more than that. OWEN : Thank you. For everything. Owen kisses Martha on the cheek. He gives her a hug. JACK (interrupts) : Oi ! Jack smiles. MARTHA : That's what I'm here for. Martha goes over to Gwen, who gives her a hug. GWEN : You take care. MARTHA : Okay. Martha gives Ianto a kiss on the cheek. She turns to Jack. MARTHA : Well, it's been... interesting. JACK : Oh, it's been fun. (Soft) You know it has. Martha surprises Jack and kisses him. She steps back and he looks at her curiously. MARTHA (chuckles) : Well, everyone else has had a go. He cups her cheek and looks at her seriously. JACK : You can so come back anytime. MARTHA : Well, maybe I will. One day. She taps her fingers to her forehead in a salute. Jack salutes her. Martha walks away with her bag and case. INT. THE HUB - NIGHT Toshiko and Owen sit on the couch and talk. TOSHIKO : Promise me something. OWEN : What's that ? TOSHIKO : No more locking it all away. You tell me when it's bad. Share it with me. Okay ? OWEN (nods) : Okay. Tosh, I'm scared. I'm scared that if I close my eyes I'll get trapped, in the darkness. She holds onto his arm. TOSHIKO : I'm here. Owen thinks about it for a moment, then puts his hand on hers. She puts her other hand on his. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. SIDEWALK - NIGHT Owen is walking along the sidewalk. As he walks, something flutters to the ground right in front of him. He picks it up and finds that it's a folded photo of a man and woman. He thinks about it for a moment. Where could it have come from? He looks up and sees a young woman on the edge of the rooftop. OWEN (v.o.) : And that's when I saw you. EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT - PRESENT MAGGIE : I thought you came here to jump ? OWEN : No, I came here to help. He returns her folded photo back to her. She takes it and opens it. MAGGIE : What do I do now ? OWEN : You've got a choice. If you think that the darkness is too much, then go for it. But if there is a chance, just some hope. It could be having a cigarette, or that first sip of hot tea on a cold morning, or it could be your mates, if there's even a tiny glimmer of light then don't you think that's worth taking a chance ? Maggie's quiet. OWEN : What's your name ? MAGGIE : Maggie. Maggie Hopley. With his free hand, Owen holds Maggie's hand. In his other hand, he's holding the Pulse which has now blossomed with even more ribbons of light. OWEN : Well, Maggie, it's up to you. Your choice. (Owen looks at the Pulse). Do you still want to jump ? They stand there together. OWEN (v.o.) : My name is Owen Harper and this is my life. The ribbons of light reach out and grow from the Pulse. It zooms out, twists, curls and reaches out toward the city.

Benched from the team and feeling increasingly victim to his newfound circumstances, Dr. Owen Harper struggles to find his place in the world. Will the lonely girl on the rooftop help him, or will it be a mission to retrieve an alien device that is proving more lethal by the second?

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ACT I Scene 1 - KACL Frasier is finishing a segment. Frasier: And we'll be right back after this short news break. Gil enters. Gil: Frasier...I'm here to give you an advance tip. Frasier: Really? Roz enters from the booth. Roz: Hey, Gil. Gil: Roz! I'm about to review a divine new Italian trattoria I've discovered called "Bella, Bella." Frasier: Ah-ha. Gil: I'm alerting you now because once I review it, reservations will be impossible to come by. Frasier: Well, thank you, Gil, it's always gratifying to be a few minutes ahead of a trend. Gil: They make an osso bucco that's so divine I call it the "Veal Shank Redemption." They give Gil a courtesy laugh. Kenny enters. Kenny: Hey, guys. Frasier: Hello, Kenny. Kenny: Show's going great, Frasier, uh, only one thing missing, of course... Frasier: I know, I know, a new theme song. I'm sorry, I just haven't gotten around to it yet. Kenny: Well, Mrs. Delafield's been hounding me on this. She really thinks each show having a theme song will help hook the listeners. Gil's got his. Gil: My first choice was "Food, Glorious Food" from the show Oliver! Frasier: Ooh, that's a perfect match. Haute cuisine and a chorus of starving orphans. Gil: But then, a composer friend of mine came up with this little ditty for me [He sings:] Whether choosing a wine Or the best place to dine-- It's all a matter of taste (Yes, sir!) It's all a matter of taste! Kenny: Great, huh? Frasier politely nods. The tune is as lame as the lyrics. Gil: And the nicest thing is, he didn't take a penny for it! Frasier: Well, at least he has a conscience. He chuckles. Gil leaves, somewhat miffed. Frasier: You know, Kenny, I'm sorry for procrastinating this thing. I-I tell you, I'll get one as soon as I possibly can. Kenny: Well, you better come up with something here. I'm sorry to be a hard-ass. It's the part of my job I hate the most, but I need this thing on my desk by Monday...ish. Kenny smiles and leaves. Frasier: You know, Roz - hearing Gil's little ditty puts me in mind that maybe we should just do - ah, an original song. Roz: Well, my new boyfriend Leon is in a band. He could write one for you. Frasier: Well, actually, I was thinking of composing it myself. I am not without musical ability, you know. Roz: Could you at least hire Leon to accompany you? Frasier: I take it he's desperate for work? Roz: Hasn't had a gig in months. Music is all he knows. He's not good at anything else - except in bed. It's what he does best. Frasier: Yeah. How long did it take you to find that out? Roz: [about the show] Ten seconds, Frasier. Frasier: Oh, longer than usual. She returns to her booth and he replaces his headphones. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 2 - Frasier's apartment He opens the door to Niles. Niles: Frasier. Frasier: Oh, Niles. Oh, dear. We had dinner plans tonight, didn't we? Niles: Yes. Don't tell me you're canceling. Frasier: Well, I have to. I have a little project this evening. Niles: Oh. Would this have anything to do with this new theme song you promised your listeners? Frasier: As a matter of fact, it does. I've got to have something by Monday, and I thought I'd take advantage of a nice quiet evening at home. The loud sound of a vacuum is heard. Frasier: Oh. Daphne - Daphne! Would you please turn off that vacuum cleaner? Daphne enters with a fancy steam cleaner. Daphne: It's not a vacuum cleaner. It's the "Dirt Scourge 2000." A total cleansing system. Martin: [from his chair] Is it new? Daphne: Yeah. I got it this afternoon. You see, this water traps all of the dirt particles instead of recycling them back into the air. I got all that [indicating] from Dr. Crane's pillow. Niles examines the dirt. Martin: Ew. Niles: I've been begging you to switch to a more abrasive loofah. Daphne: Well, it would be the same for anyone. Dead skin, dust mites... that's what we're all sleeping on, only we don't know it. Martin: We do now. Geez. Martin rises and exits toward the kitchen. Daphne: This is the chance I've been waiting for. She turns on the machine and begins to apply it to Martin's chair. The machine begins to audibly struggle, and the water in the tank immediately turns black and brackish. Niles and Frasier watch with concern. She has barely started when it suddenly shorts out, sparks flying in an electrical explosion. When the smoke clears, Daphne walks back to the main part of the cleaner. Frasier: Well. Apparently the "Dirt Scourge 2000" is no match for the "Dirt Pile 1957." Daphne: Well, this is going back. On the commercial they clean all the mud off a hippopotamus. [She exits.] Frasier: Well, at least now I can get down to work. You know, Niles, I'm sorry again about dinner, but can I buy you a sherry? Niles: Oh... thank you. About this theme song of yours... why don't you just use a standard? Frasier: Actually, I want to compose one myself. I've always had an affinity for music, and I've often wondered what I might achieve if I just rolled up my sleeves and gave it a try. Martin: [re-entering] Didn't you write some kind of musical back in prep school? Frasier: Yes, I did, Dad. Niles was in it. You know, the whole school came out humming my opening anthem. Niles: They went in humming it. It was Beethoven's Ninth Symphony note for note. Frasier: [over Niles] It was not. Niles: It absolutely was. Frasier: It was not at all. Niles: [singing to the tune of the "Ode to Joy" theme from the finale of Beethoven's Ninth:] We are valiant men of honor Wenching, brawling sons of... Frasier: All right, all right, well, I suppose I may have borrowed a Note or two as a launching pad. Niles: [moving to the third, contrasting phrase of the Beethoven theme] Prancing, leaping, laughing... Frasier: All right, point taken. Niles: Over hill and... Frasier: Stop it! Niles: I'm just teasing. Actually, it was a wonderful show. I was very proud to be acting in it. Frasier: You know, Niles, you were wonderful in it as well. Niles: Well, thank you, I thought so. Frasier: Mm-hmm. Niles: I often thought if I'd kept at it, I could have been a professional actor. Frasier: Ah, you see, we all have a road not taken, some unfinished business worth exploring. Martin: Yeah, I always wanted to be a toe dancer, but a bullet ended my dream. Frasier and Niles shake off the sarcasm. Niles: Well, Frasier, if you need any help with this, I'm right here. Frasier: Thank you, Niles. You know, I'd rather handle the composing chores myself, but I could use a sounding board. Niles: Fair enough, let's put our heads together. Frasier: All right. Niles: Figuratively speaking, of course. I saw what came out of your pillow. They head back toward the piano. [SCENE_BREAK] A BRIDGE TOO FAR Scene 3 - Later that night Niles plunks out some notes on the piano. Frasier is standing. Niles: You know, I think this new bridge is the best thing you've written. Frasier: Really? Niles: Oh, absolutely. He sings to a jaunty tune, beginning with the notes he had plunked and accompanying himself: Niles: Claustrophobia Nymphomania He will probe ya He'll explain t'ya It's brilliant. Frasier: You know, it does have a Cole Porter-y, Stephen Sondheim-y flavor, doesn't it? Niles: Oh, absolutely. Sondheim-y would have killed to have written this. Frasier: You know what? I'm a little nervous. It just may be a bit too conventional. Perhaps instead of a regular bridge, I could substitute it with a dramatic monologue spoken against a musical background. Niles: [after a beat] I like it. Frasier: Of course, I would have to hire an actor. Niles: Yes, I suppose you could squander a lot of money on some so- Called professional... someone who doesn't know a thing about psychiatry. [reaching] Who doesn't understand the whole Gestalt. Frasier: Or maybe you could do it. Niles: I think so. Frasier laughs and taps him on the shoulder. Frasier: I will write you a speech that will challenge your entire histrionic range! This is so exciting! Let's play the chorus again. Martin enters from his bedroom. Martin: Hey, hey, Fras! I just got an idea for your little jingle. It came to me while I was brushing my teeth. [He sings:] What's new? I'm listenin' Feelin' blue? I'm listenin'... Cause, you know, that's what you say on your show. Feelin' sad, feelin' mad, feelin' glad, feelin' bad I'm listenin'! Daphne: [who has been seated at the dining table] Bravo! That's wonderful. Martin: Thanks, you know, it's catchy. That's what counts in a jingle. [N.B. Of interest: John Mahoney appeared on the Cheers episode "Do Not Forsake Me, O My Postman" as Sy Flembeck, a hapless jingle composer.] Frasier: [politely] Uh-huh, well, that's very, very nice, Dad, it's just that, well, you know, I did promise my listeners that I'd compose this myself. It's no fair cheating. Martin: Oh, well, it's not cheating, technically... Frasier: [cutting him off] Very good, Dad, very good, but thank you, and off you go. Martin: Okay, all right. He exits. Niles: Hey, um, Frasier, are you sure you want to modulate here? That may just complicate things. Frasier: Perhaps. You know, I'm just trying to make it interesting. To my ear, there's still something lacking, some tiny ingredient that's missing. I'm not sure what. Scene 4 - DISSOLVE to a rehearsal hall, where a full orchestra is tuning their instruments. Frasier stands on the conductor's podium. Frasier: [tapping his baton] All right, everyone. Let's try this again. We still have a few minutes before the choir gets here. He raises his baton and prepares to cue the opening. [SCENE_BREAK] END OF ACT I ACT II Scene 5 - The rehearsal hall The choir has arrived. Frasier: Well, finally, the choir has deigned to join us. Director: Sorry, our bus broke down. We had to walk two miles to get here. Frasier: Ah, then I suppose we can dispense with the breathing exercises I was going to recommend. Please, if you would. [indicating the choir's risers behind the orchestra] Off you go. Niles, who has been sitting in front of the orchestra, rises. Niles: Uh, Frasier... did you mean to cut paragraph five of my monologue? Frasier: Gosh, I might have, Niles. I've just been so busy. What was the gist? Niles: A lighthearted lampoon of mental health care abuse. Frasier: Ah, yes, I did. I was afraid that some fussbudget might take offense at my jape about lobotomies. Niles: Well, I suppose it's best to play it safe, although I did Like the way you indicated manic depression with a slide whistle. Frasier laughs. Niles looks back at the orchestra. Niles: Do we really have to use so many musicians? Frasier: For the sound I want, yes. Niles: Whatever happened to the concept of "less is more"? Frasier: Ah, but if less is more, just think of how much more "more" will be. Niles stares at him quizically. Frasier: You may be seated. Niles takes his seat. Frasier: Ladies and gentlemen, if I may have your attention, please, I'd like to take a few minutes to explain my artistic vision. Timpanist: Take as long as you want, we're all on the clock. Frasier: Point well taken, moving right along... Roz enters quickly with her boyfriend Leon. Roz: Frasier...I'm sorry we're late. We got stuck in traffic. Some stupid bus broke down. This is Leon. Leon looks like a starving folk-type musician, with long hair and a scruffy beard. Frasier: Ah, hello, Leon. Leon: Hey, Dr. Crane. Frasier: [shaking his hand] Lovely to meet you. Listen, why don't you help yourself to the refreshment table there. I need to have a few words with Roz. Leon moves away. Frasier: Roz, we've got a problem! In scoring this, I had to eliminate the guitar part. Roz: Well, put it back. Frasier: Well, I can't. I'm afraid another instrument might make Things sound cluttered... unless, of course, Leon can play the bagpipe. Roz: The bagpipe? Frasier: Yes! Our show deals with a whole range of human emotion from euphoria to despair, and nothing says despair so quickly as the skirl of a bagpipe. Roz: Nothing says "Turn off the radio" so quickly either. Isn't there something else he can play? Frasier: Well, uh... yes, yes! Actually, our triangle player called in with a touch of tinnitus. Here we are. Leon returns. Frasier: Leon, I have some good news for you. I had to eliminate the Guitar part, but I'm promoting you to first triangle. He hands him the triangle and its beater. Leon: Uh, I've never played one of these. It looks tricky. Frasier stares agape at Roz. Roz: I'll work with him. Frasier: Yes, off you go. They move to the percussion section. Frasier: Well, then, now people, before we start, are there any questions? The principal violist raises her hand. Frasier: Yes, viola. Tiffany: My name is Tiffany. Frasier: No, no no. I'm calling you by your instrument name, so as to avoid confusion. Tiffany: Oh, well I have a question about measure 34... Frasier: Ah... I thought you might. Yes, you see, I've accelerated the tempo there in order to depict the yearning of the superego. Very perceptive of you to spot that. Tiffany: No, I meant, are these eighth notes or what? Frasier: [miffed] Yes... eighth notes. Anyone else? The timpanist raises his hand. Frasier: Yes, timpani? Tiffany: You just answered my question. Frasier: Not Tiffany, timpani. Timpanist: What are we rehearsing this for? Are we going to record it? Frasier: Yes, actually, we are waiting for the final go-ahead from my station manager, and then we will be recording it, yes. Anyone else? Niles raises his hand. Frasier: Yes... actor. Niles: I'm just wondering how my monologue is going to be audible over all these instruments. Frasier: Oh, that's a good point, Niles. [beat] You may be seated. [after Niles sits] It is imperative that everyone play [pianissimo] during the spoken portions - very, very softly. That applies particularly to brass and timpani. Tiffany: Why me? Frasier: [incredulous at her dimness] To the drums, Tiffany. Martin and Daphne enter. Frasier: Oh, Dad, Daphne, I'm so glad you came! He embraces them. Daphne: Oh, well, after all, it is the world premiere of your theme song. Frasier: Now, I don't have to search you two for any hidden recording devices, do I? The last thing I need is some bootleg CD's flooding the marketplace. Martin: Boy, you really got everything here! Frasier: Oh, it's not a time for stinting, Dad. I've got everything from the African rain stick to the Javanese tam-tam. Martin: [at the refreshment table] Are the tam-tams the long ones with the cream in the middle? Kenny enters. Frasier: Oh, Kenny, Kenny! I'm so glad you made it. Listen, I think you're in for a bit of a surprise. Kenny: Well, I gotta tell you, I don't surprise easily. [seeing the orchestra] Whoa! Frasier: Our little ensemble. Heh-heh. Kenny: So many musicians... all working on a weekend. Kenny checks his watch. Frasier: Now, listen, I realize that we are a bit over budget, and I promise, I will pick up the difference myself. Kenny sits. Frasier: All right. The time has come to unveil my magnum opus. Just Let me do a little fine-tuning on the opening fanfare. He moves to the podium. Frasier: Uh, brass, if you will please, in four, the first measure? Frasier beats out a preparatory measure in 4/4. The trumpets play a very conventional fanfare flawlessly. Frasier: Well, you see, that's fine as far as it goes, but this time I want you to do it with a bit more... grandeur. With some majesty and a soupcon of awe. The trumpets play the fanfare exactly as before. Frasier turns to Kenny, Martin, Daphne, and Roz, who are seated behind him. Frasier: There, you see. That's what good conducting can do. Kenny gets a puzzled, concerned, incredulous look on his face. Frasier: All right, everyone. The time we have been waiting for is at hand. And with a simple bow of thanks to the muse Calliope, let us begin. And... The four audience members exchange a look of incredulity, not knowing what to expect. The maestro raises his baton, and we hear his magnum opus. He conducts a preparatory measure again, and the trumpets play the fanfare. This is followed by the strings, who settle into a conventional broadway-style vamp that doesn't seem to "fit" the preceding fanfare. After a harp glissando, the first chorus is then presented by three soloists and the choir. CHORUS 1 Soloist 1: (tenor) Who can you turn to for prompt diagnosis? Soloist 2: (soprano) A fetish or fantasy Soloist 3: (bass) s*x or psychosis Soloist 1: No problem at all, let us handle your call Choir: (unison) On our show! On our show! Prominent drum beats accompany "On our show!" Martin exchanges a glance with Daphne and Roz. CHORUS 2 Soloist 2: Bring us your traumas, your latent neurosis Soloist 1: Erectile disfunction (the "r" prominently rolled) Soloist 3: Bed-wetting narcosis Soloist 1: There's no need for shame, you can use a false name Choir: (unison) On our show! On our show! Frasier is delighted with the performance thus far. The orchestra now settles down to a suspenseful and quietly sustained chord. The musical material of the choruses is very clichéd Broadway/Disney-style fare, so the suspenseful film-score background chords and the overly dramatic delivery of Niles's following monologue is extremely incongruous: Niles: [rising] Who dares enter the dark labyrinth of the human mind? A percussion player draws a string bow across a metal object, producing an unpleasant whining sound. The orchestra changes harmonies to a higher chord. Frasier marks time with dramatic baton gestures as he prepares to cue the harmonic changes. Niles: What festering secrets are buried in the recesses of the subconscious? Another percussionist drags something across a gong, producing another unpleasant sound. Niles: Lurid images! Another harmonic shift upward comes with Niles's words, which are followed by the shaking of a circus-style rattle/whistle. Niles: Lewd desires! Yet another chord shift with Niles's line, followed by a slide whistle, which presumably illustrates the "lewd desires." Niles: Guilty pleasures! A chord shift with Niles again, and a "grunting" sound from the orchestra. Niles: Strange compulsions! One more harmonic shift with Niles, followed by a dissonant trombone splat. Niles, startled, stares at the trombone player. The strings then play a quick rising transitional passage, leading to a suspenseful high note. Niles: The whole catalogue of human behavior from the aberrant to the monstrous lurks behind a locked door to which one man holds the key! A huge beat of the gong (tam-tam), which startles the others, Particularly Martin... and then a harp glissando leads us back seamlessly to the broadway-style chorus music. Niles sits, grinning broadly. CHORUS 3 Soloist 1: (tenor) So if you are stymied to find a prognosis Soloist 2: (soprano)And ask yourself, just like Freud: Soloist 3: (bass) "Himmel, was los ist?" Frasier is particularly delighted with the German line. Soloist 1: Stop scratching your head, let us cure it instead Daphne and Roz chuckle. Choir: (unison) On our show! On our show! The little instrumental riff before "On our show!" is different in the three choruses. The following coda sounds as if it has been directly lifted from "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" from "Mary Poppins." CODA Choir: (single note)Now here is the man to explain The tortured terrain of your brain The man who feels everyone's pain... Dr. Crane! Dr. Crane! Frasier Crane!! The choir finally harmonizes on the last "Crane." Leon's triangle has been featured prominently in the last shouts of "Dr. Crane." The final chord is drawn out in another broadway cliché, and after the cutoff, Leon provides a final triangle beat. Frasier lowers his baton, extremely proud of his opus. [N.B. The piece can be heard on the "Frasier" soundtrack CD.] Roz: [the only person applauding] Way to go, Leon! Daphne begins to applaud with hesitation. Martin is mystified. Kenny has an indescribable look of amazement and sits motionless. Frasier: Well, Kenny. What's your reaction? Kenny's facial expression remains frozen and he is motionless. Finally: Kenny: [hushed] Wow. Frasier: Takes your breath away, doesn't it? Kenny: [again] Wow. Frasier: I thought as much, and in anticipation of your approval, I had the forethought to order in a little bubbly. Niles, if you would help me, please? Niles joins Frasier and they run toward a backstage room, delighted. Frasier: [to Niles] Oh, you were wonderful! Niles: Thank you, the trombone frightened me. They exit. [SCENE_BREAK] Kenny: [again, the same] Wow. Martin: Well that was sure something, wasn't it? Daphne: I'll say. Sort of like Gilbert and Sullivan - only frightening. Kenny: A little jingle, that's all we wanted. Yeah, ten seconds to start the show. Roz: [trying to mediate] Well, maybe Frasier can cut this down... Kenny: [cutting her off] He gives me harps and drums and... people speaking German. All we wanted was a simple little jingle. Martin rises and gets some refreshments. Daphne: Probably more like the one you came up with. Tell him yours, Mr. Crane. Martin: No, no, no, it was nothing. I can't even remember how it goes. Daphne: Well, I do. [singing:] How are you? I'm listen... Martin: No, it doesn't go like that. Kenny: Well, then you sing it, Mr. Crane. Martin: Well, all right... but it's really nothing. He moves in front of them and sings his jingle: Martin: What's new? I'm listenin' Feelin' blue? I'm listenin'... Feelin' sad, feelin' mad, feelin' bad, feelin' glad I'm listenin'! Kenny: That's exactly the kind of thing we're looking for! Frasier and Niles re-enter over Kenny's speech. Kenny: You know, it sets the mood, it - it says it all. Did that just pop into your head? Frasier: [coming up behind him and handing him a glass] Hardly. It was gut-wrenching, but you know, it's nice to know that I made it look easy. He continues to hand out glasses of champagne. Kenny: No, no, no. I'm talking about your dad's little jingle. Martin beams. Frasier: [taken aback] Dad's? Kenny: Yeah, he just sang it. It's exactly the type of thing we need. You know, simple, catchy...you know, we ought to just use that one. Martin seems okay with this. Frasier: No, no, Kenny, no. I mean, if simple is what you wanted, you should have just said so. Kenny: I thought I did. Frasier: Well, obviously not. Now that I know what you want, well, there's nothing easier. Of course I can write simple. I promise you, it'll be something far more memorable than what my dad came up with. Kenny: Well, I don't know, I remember it...sings What's new? I'm listenin' Some of the choir members, including the soloists and director, take up the jingle. Choir: Feelin' blue? I'm listenin'... Feelin' sad, feelin' mad, feelin' bad, feelin' glad I'm listenin'! Frasier: [indignant and humiliated] You're off the clock! He exits in a huff. [SCENE_BREAK] IT'S WHY GERSHWIN'S TEETH WERE IMMACULATE Scene 6 - Frasier's apartment He is seated at the piano playing some ornate classical-style improvisation. He breaks it off and plunks out the last two lines of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat." He places his head in his hand in frustration. Martin enters in his robe. Martin: Hey, Fras. How's it goin'? Frasier: "Merrily, merrily." Martin: Well, you know, it's getting kind of late. Maybe you should call it a night, huh? Frasier: Dad, you heard Kenny. I have to come up with something as simple as yours by Monday. By the way, thanks once again for completely upstaging me today. Martin: Oh, come on, I'm sorry I stole your thunder, but it's not like I did it on purpose. Frasier: I know. I know. I'm sorry. It's just... I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with this. Martin: Well... maybe you're just thinking too much. I mean, look at me. I go to the bathroom, I'm flossing my teeth, and that song pops into my head. Martin sits at the dining table. Frasier: Are you suggesting that I bring out a spool of floss? Martin: Well, it might not be a bad idea, for a couple of reasons. Frasier joins him at the table. Martin: Frasier, why don't you just decide what you want to say and Say it? Not a lot of big words and showing off. You know, and the tune should be something simple - something you can whistle. I tried whistling that thing you wrote today, and I got lightheaded. Of course, it might have been that last doughnut. I went back for one of those African rainsticks. Ooh... He gestures with mild disgust. Frasier: The truth is, Dad, I've... I'm not sure I can do simple. Martin: Well, I don't know if you can't or if you just don't want to. And you know, some of the best things in the world are simple, Fras. Just like that art gallery you took me to a couple of months ago. Do you remember? You were oohing and ahhing at this painting of a big red dot. Frasier: Yeah, Dad, but there is a difference between simple and deceptively simple. Martin: Well, all I'm saying is that it's fine to be smart, but you shouldn't have to be proving it all the time, that's all. You know, just as an experiment, tell me what it is you're trying to say stripped down to nuts and bolts. Frasier: All right, um... in my first stanza, I want to represent myself as the... ombudsman between the conscious and subconscious minds of my listeners. Martin: Ah. Well, there you are, that's the song right there. All we need is a rhyme for "ombudsman" and we can go to bed. Frasier: Well, I was playing around with "north woodsman." Martin laughs gently. Martin: Oh, Frasier. Look, I'm going to tell you what your show's about: People have a problem, they're feeling low, they call you, you make them feel better. Frasier: Oh, for God's sake, Dad. Martin: Well, that's it! That's it. Why don't you just write about that? Frasier: How would that sound exactly? [He recites:] If you've got a problem If you're feelin' low Lookin' for some answers... Oh, gosh, now I'm stuck. How will I ever find a rhyme for "low"? Martin: Okay, smart-aleck. I was just trying to help. Frasier: Well, thanks, Dad. I'm sorry, you know, it's just not my thing. Martin: Okay, well, I'm going to bed. So, if you need any help tomorrow, all you got to do is ask. Frasier: Thanks, Dad. Martin exits toward his bedroom. Frasier returns to the piano, waits until he is gone, and sits. He begins to plunk out a catchy melody and sings to it: Frasier: If you've got a problem... If you're feelin' low Lookin' for some answers... Martin: [completing the verse rhyme and tune from offstage:] Things you need to know Frasier looks up, mildly indignant. FADE immediately to... Scene 7 - KACL We hear a catchy introduction, and then then Frasier's tune, sung in Andrews Sisters-style harmony by a group of female vocalists. Kenny, Roz, and Frasier are leaning over the desk listening to the recorded song. Vocalists: If you've got a problem If you're feelin' low Lookin' for some answers Things you need to know, All you've got to do is ask (tempo slows) All you've got to do is ask. A triangle dings to end the song. Frasier, Kenny, and Roz have been bouncing to the catchy jingle, and Frasier is proud of it, simple as it is. [SCENE_BREAK] END OF ACT II [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier turns on his stereo and takes out his baton. He begins to conduct. Eddie enters and sits on Martin's chair. Eddie begins to "sing" and Frasier continues to conduct. Eddie seems to respond to the baton. Frasier is delighted and continues to beat time.

When Kenny decides that each show on KACL requires a special theme jingle , Frasier struggles to think of one. Martin composes a catchy tune, but Frasier dismisses it, instead composing an overblown theme which combines a Broadway musical -style chorus with an incongruous film-score background for Niles' monologue), before being forced to provide something short and simple, which Martin again composes.

fd_Queer_As_Folk_02x06

fd_Queer_As_Folk_02x06_0

(In a very odd dungeon-like room,the boys watch on a monitor as some scruffy cutie jerksoff in separate area of the very odd dungeon-like room.) Ted: Internet Access, $38.00. Adult p0rn site membership,$29.95. Michael: Watching men jerk off in the comfort of your ownhome? Priceless. Brian: m*st*rb*t* the possibilities. Michael: All you're showing is a twink beating his meat. Ted: And you're point being? Michael: Well there must be 8 dizillean gay p0rn site. Em: I personally had think about 7 dizillian p0rn site. Michael: What makes you're any different? Ted: Oh Ye of little faith. OK, imagine you're at you'redesk and work for even Worthshafter and you're working onyou're calculations. It's do it 5, but you're alreadydone. Let's be honest, you give a sh1t aboutcalculations. Em: Who's calculations? Ted: So, you're log on for a little afternoon delight.But suddently Mr.Workshafter bargins in and shot,"Where is that file?" [he push "F10"]And voila. Brian: A non-cubicle dweller, that's really slick. Michael: Ultimate in safe s*x. Ted: JerkAtWork.net! For guys who don't only work...atwork. Em: I say he need something.. bigger. Brian: He looks like he's doin' alright to me. Ted: Bigger, huh? OK, Robby it's time for you're break. [Robbie huffs. Robbie puffs. And Robbie blows his wad allover himself. The Boys are impressed.] Michael: Holy cumshot! Ted: Don't forget, you're back in ten minutes! Michael: He can come again in ten minutes? Ted: With withness by the jizzball. Proving that thehandjob is quicker than the eye. Brian: Yeah, well leave it to you to figure out how tofake an orgasm. [Cut to the Comic Book Store thatMichael brough, where Emmett and Vic are helping Mikeclean up and organize.] Vic: The Squid? Michael: Uh, Issue and Year? Vic: Issue 21, 19... Michael: ...67. Right wall, row three. Em: You know, I think they should be classified by thesuperhero's fashion sense. Superheroes with taste,superheroes that clash -- Vic: Let's hope they never let you near the Library ofCongress. Michael: How did Buzzy run this place? Nothin' catalogueand inventory not existing. There is no in caps andwindow display. This place is a f*cking mess. [Debbie comes in with drinks for all.] Debbie: Yeah and I would have killed him when there's notbe a pleade either. Michael: What was I'm thinking to buy this place? Debbie: Who the hell I know? Shity old story with allmusty comics. Michael: Thanks for the pepp talk, Mom. Debbie: But it's your dream, sweetheart, and that's allthat matters. [A six foot something, blue button-down shirt, bluejeans, beaten brown leather jacket, glasses guy comes in.Sandy hair, chin cleft. Emmett gets so distracted by thatguy that he runs into Michael's chair and stubs his toe.] Michael: Em, what are you looking? Em: At him. This glasses. I just love the boyish type. Vic: There's so much to learn between the covers. Em: So, what do you think? Vic: Mike? [He eats some food.] Michael: Huh? Vic: Gay or nay? Em: Mmmh, the jacket and the shoes, the classic stuff. Isay straight. Michael: Sandman, Batman, Superman. If he picks up anX-Men, I say he's gay. Vic: I've go with Michael. Comic sense over fashionsense. [The man goes to Debbie.] Man: Excuse me, I'm looking for Wonder Woman. Deb: You found her! Just kidding. You're looking for myson. He's the owner. Michael! You're got a customer! Michael: Hi, can I help you? Man: Yeah, yeah, I'm hope so. I'm looking for some comicbooks. Michael: Good thing you didn't go next door, or you wouldhave gotten Lebanese takeout. Anything particularly? Man: Yes, actually. I'm looking for works based on theirnarrative, their graphics, cultural references,subtextual points of view, that one might regard as -- Michael: Gay? [Behind them, Emmett accidentally rings the counterbell.] Man: Right. Right. Michael: Um, well let me see you're choices here. Can Imake some suggestions? Man: Please. Michael: You may try Alpha Flight No. 106, whereNorthstar takes in a boy with AIDS or a highly recommandX-Force No. 56, where Rictor and Shadowstar are describedas being 'more than friends.' There is one destiny you'relooking at. Man: Good. Vic: That's amazing how much Michael knows. Debbie: What can I say? My kid is a genius! [Art School. Dean Ryerson looksat some examples of Justin's latest works. Posters ofexploding heads, exploding cars, dismembered stuff, inharsh black, white, and red.] Dean: These drawings are, uh, very disturbing. Justin: That supposed to be. Dean: A quite different with the work you submitted whenwe accepted you. Justin: Well, I don't see things the same way. Dean: Professor Stanly tells me, you're using a computer. Justin: It's the only way I can work. Dean: We're expect our students are master thetraditional disciplines. Justin: Sometimes the traditional disciplines can be ahandicap, too. And as much as I'm not loose my hand, Ithough I can never be an artist again. But instead, thishas taught me new ways to be an artist -- ways that Inever would have thought of, otherwise. [Debbies kitchen. Debbie asksJustin. Everyone is in there. Around the table.] Debbie: So, what they say? Justin: All my application was approved. He said I canstay. [Everyone claps, cheers, and/or gets in line tohug/kiss.] Brian: What's with all the kissing? Are you trying toturn him straight? [He kisses Justin with deep passion.] Debbie: Oh, sh1t, they're going to do it right here. Vic: I'll get my camera. Mel: Better you go in a room. Michael: Save it for Ted's website. Ted: Yeah, if you didn't mind a few bucks. Brian: Don't put any ideas in his head. Vic: Or mine. Mel: Maybe we could do it. Help pay for the wedding.Whaddaya think, Teddy? Ted: Sure thing, Mel. Just draw yourself in a 9 inchcock... Lindsay: Can we just talk other than s*x? For just a fewminutes? [They look at each other. Anyone? No?] Em: If the twink jerks off for more than eight hours,does he get overtime? [Justin gets up to clear the dishes.] Debbie: Don't you buzz here, honey! You aren't in thediner. Sit down. Justin: Okay. Never mind. Brian would you grab one? Brian: That? [He reaches to his croatch.] Justin: At the plate, please. Brian: Yes, dear. Debbie: Holy crap, they're like f*cking newlyweds! Mel: I'll never thought I would live to see this. Lindsay: I think it's wonderful. Ted: Yeah. Ten bucks says they don't last a month. Vic: I give it three weeks. Michael: Call me romantic. Five. Em: I'll raise at ten and say... two. Mel: God, you're all pussies! Seventy-two hours! [Lindsay sees shocked to Mel.] Ted: Deb? Debbie: I don't put a price on people's happiness.Considering all they've been through, I'd think thattheir friends would vote for the house, instead ofagainst it. Ted: That's a good point. So, Linds, you're in or out? Lindsay: We have to go. Deb: Wait a minute. We have dessert. Lindsay: We must be home at nine. Mel! Mel: Sorry. Debbie: I made a pie! [In front of the house. Mel andLinds are all alone.] Mel: Linds? You're ok? Lindsay: I'm fine. Mel: Cramps? Lindsay: No! Mel: You're crankier than Gus when he needs a nap. Lindsay: I just need to get out of this all. Mel: I know Teddy's tchotchkes can you drive you crazy,too. Lindsay: This isn't about tchotchkes. This is about theconstant stream of sexual innuendo all evening. Andfrankly I didn't find a remorial at Ted's website atleast been amusing. Mel: But I wasn't serious! When did you become such aprude? Lindsay: I'm not a prude! OK, maybe I am. A little. Mel: A little. Lindsay: I don't understand people spreading their legsfor the whole world to see! The idea of anyone I knowbeing a part of it really bothers me. C'mon. [Mel rubs her hand thoughtfully over her chin.] [The Comic Book Store. The guyfrom yesterday's back.] Michael: Back so soon? And don't tell me you want throughall those comics I gave you already. Man: Yeah, well, I'm pretty fast. I mean, I read quickly.I don't waste a time. Life's too short. Who knows whatcould happen tomorrow -- or even five minutes from now? Michael: Uh, that's true. Is anything else I can help youwith? Man: Uh, yeah, I hope so. I should explain. My name isBen... Ben Bruckner. Michael: Michael. Novotny. Ben: I teach Gay Studies at Carnegie Mellon. Michael: I knew it! Ben: You knew what? Michael: With all that talk about cultural references, Iknew you had to be...uh, a professor. Ben: Oh, okay, anywhere we're exploring Homoerotic in thecultural from greek to... roman up to and including comiccultural, modern comic book cultur, so I'll do a littleresearch. Michael: Research, right. Got it. Let me see if I foundsomething else for you. Ben: Actually I already found what I want. Michael: Yeah? Ben: You. Michael: Me? Ben: Yeah, I'd like to come and speak to me class. Michael: [laughs] About what? Ben: Well, when it comes to comics you're obviously theexpert, so... Michael: I wouldn't say that. It's some known about sinceI were a kid. Ben: No, no, it's differently more than knowing. When youtalk about them, you have a passion. So, whaddaya say?Will you come? [All of a sudden, Mike's face fades into a comic bookpanel, and a little balloon pops up over his head, whichsays, "Oh, Ben, take me away with you!" Mikebounces back to reality.] Michael: Um, I'd love to come. [Grocery store. Brian stands atthe opposite end of a vegetable display from another guy.Brian picks up a zucchini. The other guy picks up alarger one. Brian's like, okay, and picks up an evenlarger zucchini. The other guy picks one up that's evenlarger than that. Brian picks up the biggest one of all.] Justin: Check it out. There got a second box of pennewith a coupon. Brian: You clip coupons?! Justin: Yeah. Until I save money. Brian: I didn't know you were so tight. Justin: [see the other man] Sure you did. Brian: Why you didn't take these two boxes of penne backand get one box of rigatoni. f*ck the fifty cents. Andbuy some Crisco, even if it's not on sale! Man#1: [to another] See that guy? That's Brian Kinney. Heused to be the hottest stud on Liberty Avenue. Now? He'sin a relationship. [JerkAtWork.net. Ted's going overthe books while Robbie looks over his shoulder.] Robbie: Did you include my expenses? Ted: What is you're expenses? Robbie: Body care lotion. Is was 8,50. Ted: You have a receive? [Robbie looking in his pocket.]Yeah, it's okay. I'll take you're word for it. OK,percentage of total subribers and you're time online atto you're base. Come to a grand total of... 18.72$. Robbie: Are you telling me I spend 8 hours wacking offfor 18 dollars? Ted: A lot of people do it for free, you know. Robbie: Yeah, but you said I gonna make like 500 $ a day. Ted: That was based on the third-quarter projectedearnings. Robbie: OK, what about this quarter? Ted: You know, when you commit to a fledgling enterprise,it's not about the money; it's about investing in thefuture and nurturing growth. Robbie: You know you can tell that to my dick, Ted.Because it's worn to a nub! Ted: Well, I know a good physical therapist. Robbie: Is that covered by the company health plan? Ted: Company health plan? Robbie: What about the 401k you was offered, too. Ted: OK, we need to discuss that. Robbie: You know, I know when somebody is jerking mearound. I quit. Ted: But you're walking out a golden opportunity here.We're around the grand floor of it, creating of indever. [he slams the door behind him.] [Justin and Daphne walk back tothe loft, sharing a joint. In public.] Daphne: My roommates, never pick up the clothes or makethe bed or ups wash the dish! Justin: We have a cleaning lady that comes by twice aweek. Daphne: I have to wait for hot water when I get to thebathroom. And when I got in there there's not hot waterleft. Justin: We're shower together to save water. Daphne: They're play the music to loud I can hear myselfthink. Justin: That sounds awful. Daphne: Yeah, it's wonderful. Justin: I'm glad to living with Brian. Daphne: Yeah, but don't get to comfortable. You don'tknow how long it lasts. Justin: Mmmh, that's what everbody says but he's changed.Like today. There is a really cute guy with the goatieand leather jacket at the shopping sale. Normally wewould left me in the checkout line. This time there evenleft. Daphne: Sounds like you check him out, too. Justin: I'm on my sexual peak. From here on in it is alldone here. [And Justin's so high, he almost passes the building.Daphne and Justin giggle all the way up to the loft andthrough the door, and Justin picks up a green apple offthe floor. They're still giggling when they find Brianhaving s*x with Zucchini Man on the sofa. Then thegiggling stops. Justin tries to plaster an acceptingsmile on his face, but his eyes aren't having it.] [Liberty Diner. At the counter,Ted's working on his books, Mike's working on hislecture, and Emmett in the middle.] Em: I told you so. I tried to warn you. Didn't I try towarn him? Did I said or didn't I said something? But youwon't listen. Ted: If I don't come up with something quick I'm gonnaloose my condo, my car, my ass. Em: You are not listening. I might as well be aninvisible man. Or worse, a mime. Michael: He said I should start my speech with a joke.How about this one? How can you tell if a superhero isgay? His boots match his purse. Em: [laughs] Sounds funny. Ted: Not funny. Michael: It stinks. Em: OK, is no one going to acknowledge my presence? Ted and Michael: Can you pass the creme? [Emmett deliberately passes the cream to Ted and the jamto Mike. Mike and Ted look up and snort.] Ted: He never listens. [Debbie walks up with the coffee pot. About her T-Shirt"If you think my attitude stinks, you should smellmy fingers."] Deb: Okay, get 'em up, boys! The coffee cups, that is. [Brian shows up, kisses Mike on the cheek, grabs Emmettfirmly by the shoulders.] Brian: Good morning, Deb. A flop, two, sinkers, and somesuds. Ted: Flop, sinker. My life is a breakfast combo. Deb: Two eggs, a donut, and coffee for "Mr.Wonderful." Someone got lucky last night. [Mike starts to read his speech from a set of blue indexcards, which he holds up really close to his face.] Michael: Homoerotism in comic books. The male form isbeing worshiped from Mickeangelo to Captain Astro. Brian: [to Deb] What's he doin'? Deb: What's he doin'? Michael's given a lecture atCarnegie goddamn Mellon. That's what he's doin'! Brian: I'm impressed, Mikey. Next you'll be receivingyour honorary doctorate. Michael: I don't think so. Especially when the closestI've come to higher education is when I f*cked thattextbook salesman from Cleveland. Ted: Well according my calculation I've got just enoughmoney left for my funeral. Em: Don't ask me to deliver the eulogy. No one wouldlisten. Brian: Deb! My breakfast! Deb: Workin' on it! [Justin pouts on over with Brian's donut.] Brian: Good morning, Sunshine. Justin: Can I get you something else? Brian: Uh, yeah. Come and think about it. [Brian tries to inhale Justin's face. Justin pulls away.] Justin: I've be late for class. [Mikesenses that something's up. Mike catches up with Justin outside.] Michael: Hey, you're mother teachin' to crossin' thegreen? What did he do now? Justin: Nothing! Michael: Cut the sh1t! I know that face. That's the'Brian Kinney just f*cked me' face. Justin: Yeah, except it wasn't me he was f*cking. It wassome other guy. At home on the f*cking couch! Michael: Another hurricane off the coast of Florida,another earthquake in Peru -- so what else is new? Justin: I guess, I just though that now we're together... Michael: ...this things will be different. Brian is nevergonna change. You know that. Justin: Then why I am there? Michael: Maybe because you got bashed in the head and he feels guilty? [Justin runs away.] Sorry, I didn't mean for the sound like that! Sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] [Zee Gym. Shots of men doing bicep curls on a bench, one after another.] Ted: Eight thousand down the drain...nine thousand down the drain... Em: Stop fredding, Teddy. I have a plan. Ted: At this point, I am so desperate that I actuallystop what I'm doing, turn to you with a plaintiveexpression, and ask, 'You do?' Em: Of course! After you lose everything you have in theworld, you move in with Michael and me. We have aninflatable mattress and a spare key. Ted: Ten thousand down the drain...eleven thousand downthe drain. [Emmett sees Zack O'Tool across the room.] Em: OK, I have another idea. Ted: Does it involve begging at an off-ramp or sleepingin a cardboard box? Em: No, no. Actually it involves... [Ted's looking at Zack.] Ted: Zack O'Tool. Em: Remember how I told you that you needed somethingbigger? Maybe now you'll listen. [Emmettand Ted trot over to join the crowd of men surroundingthe massive p0rn star. Emmett pushes his way through.] Em: Zack, so good to see you again. Ted: Did you really expect a p0rn star of his magnet toremember you? Em: Well, maybe he'll remember this. [He opens up his mouth really wide.] Zack: Oh, yeah. You were the guy who was supposed to blowme. Ted: Yeah and I'm the guy who paid you to do it. Em: So, what brings you to town? Zack: Workin' on my new film. It's a football epic."Backsides in Motion". Jerk it off. Em: Well, I love anything with shoulder pads. So... Zack: I got to go. [TheSteam Room. Naked men wander around, dick shots abound,etc. Ted and Emmett peer around the corner to stare atO'Tool.] Em: Didn't I tell you that he was even bigger in person?It's huge. Ted: It's gargantuan. Em: It's just what you need. He need what everbody needs.C'mon. [They sit down on either side of Zack.] Em: Hey Zack. Ted: Hay Zack. Zack: Now what? Em: Well, my friend has this live website... Zack: I'm not interested. Em: Oh well, since you have a legend of fans... Zack: Not interested. Ted: What better to plug your new picture? Zack: Whacking off on the web is for amateurs, boys. Em: We give you a thousand bucks, and a limousine,champagne and, uh, you're own personal fluffer. Ted: [whispers] What did you saying? That will cost me afortune. Em: Would you rather lose one? Ted: So, Zack, how would you like to share your memberwith our members? [Brian drives Mike to CarnegieMellon in his jeep.] Michael: Sexy, perfect body, aloof, desirable, yetunattainable. Brian: Okay, that's enough about me. Michael: I was refering about Silver Surfer. This speechis for sh1t. Brian: Why did you agree? Michael: The professor is very cute. Brian: Really? Michael: Oh, you can put that idea right out of you'remind, mister. I saw him first. Besides you're living withsomeone. Brian: He's living with me. Michael: Whatever. Either way, you're all comfy and cozy.Except when you're f*cking other guys. Brian: Who I f*ck is out of you're business or his. [When they pull up to the school, Mike panics.] Brian: Get out. Michael: What the f*ck is the matter with you? Brian: This is it. Michael: This is a really damn idea. C'mon, let's go outof here. Brian: Don't be pathetic. You made a commitment, nowyou're gonna go through with it. Michael: Like you know about making commitment. Brian: This why I never do. Michael: What if I make fool about myself? Brian: Who gives a sh1t -- it's f*cking college! Now, goshow the frat boys what real men are made of, and get mesome phone numbers while you're at it. Bye! [On hisway to class, Mike tries not to be intimidated by hissurroundings. Following behind him are three students,one of whom is reading the title of Mike's lecture.] Student#1: Homoeroticism Themes and Imagery as Depictedin the Graphic Novel. Student#2: You mean a comic book. Student#1: I can just picture the big essay question onthe final: compare and contrast Michel Foucault withBatman and Robin! Student#2: [laughs] How can you compare homoeroticimagery in comic books with Gide and Genet? Student#3: Proust or Wilde? Student#1: Baldwin or Williams? Student#2: Who's giving this lecture anyway? Spiderman? Student#3: There is this guy who rent a comic book store. Student#1: Well, he should be a real brain trust. [Everyone laughs derisively as they walk in the door tothe lecture hall. Mike's pretty much frozen at theentrance.] [Mel and Lindsay's House.Lindsay's on the couch, eating cookies and rippingpictures out of bridal magazines. Melanie comes home fromwork. Lindsay gives her a big hug and kiss.] Lindsay: So, what do you think? Sexy, timeless. Mel: Gee, you want wearing wedding dresses? Lindsay: What else? Mel: Well, we could always wear strap-ons, and getmarried on Ted's website. Lindsay: I don't think that's funny. How could a nice,intelligent person do something like that? C'mon let's gothose magazines together. Mel: Alright. [Melanie leaves the room for a second and returns with abig cardboard box.] Lindsay: What do you doing? Mel: After I came out, in fact I was in college my dadcut my off. He told me that he never want to see meagain. And I figured that I had to find a way to supportmyself. But you know how Jewish parents are. 'Forever'turned out to be three weeks. By then I made up enough topay for the rest of the year's tuition and the next. [Mel come out with the Oui magazine. That's a magazine offemale pornography.] Mel: It's not exactly modern bride. [Lindsay takes the issue Mel offers her and thumbsthrough it cautiously. And there Melanie is, buck naked,tummy sucked in, back arched, and lips pursed, fingersintwined in a string of pearls.] Lindsay: Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god, Mel! [The dungeon.] Ted: 503 people already logged on to see Zack O'Tool. Em: Is that good? Ted: Do the math. 29.95 times 503 is 15.000 dollars.Yeah, this is very, very good. Em: And all want to see Zack wack. When he's gettin'here? Ted: Any minute now. Em: You know, Teddy, I'm so proud of you. You took yourdream, grabbed it by the balls, shaved them, and made itcome true. [phone rings.] Ted: JerkAtWork.net see Zack O'Tool wack. Hello? [On the other end, The Zack is only wearing football padsand his really long dick.] Zack: Hello? Tad? Ted: No, this is Ted. Zack? Zack: Yeah, yeah. I'm here on set. We're running a littlebehind... Ted: What, what do you mean a little behind? Zack: I'm about to do my big scene where I ream the teamfor fumbling their balls. Ted: I mean, we could start a little later. Zack: The director's calling. I've got my big wide shot. Ted: Zack! Zack: Look, you know Ted, no I can't make it. Thanks. [hehangs up.] Em: Teddy, what is it? Ted: I've got 503 horny cyber geeks waiting to see ZackO'Tool jacking the beanstalk, only he's not coming! Atleast not here. What I am gonna do? Em: My offers still stands the inflatable bed and thespare key still stands are yours. [Ted looks over at Emmett for a sec.] Ted: Get on the bed. Em: Excuse me? Ted: I said get on the bed! Em: What for? Ted: Whattaya think? The show must go on! Em: Ted, are you crazy? Ted: You like jerk it off, don't you? I mean you do itanyway. Em: Yes, but not in front of hundreds of people. Besidethey're sign in to see Zack O'Tool, not me. Ted: It doesn't matter. At this point, a dick's a dick.And you're the only dick I've got! Here! [Ted throws a bottle of lube at him.] Em: Y'know, I'm sorry Teddy, every friendship, even oneas deep and as close as ours, has its limitations. Ted: I'll paying you what I pay Zack O'Tool. Em: Then again if you can you're friend a favor. [In Brian's loft, Justin isdrawing on the computer. Brian comes up behind him andstarts to nuzzle his neck.] Justin: Stop! Brian: Why? What have you something better to do? Justin: Homework? Brian: Well, I'm in a really sh1t trouble. You're notstill upset about the Zucchini Man, are you? I don't evenremember it or him. It was nothing. Justin: I know. It's just you being you. I know who youare. I don't expect you to change, in fact, I don't evenwant you to. Brian: Then what? Justin: Why am I here? Brian: One night you're mommy and daddy want to make ababy... Justin: You know what I'm mean. It's just you feel guiltyabout what happened? [Pause] Answer me. Answer me! If Ihadn't get bash in the hat would I even be here? [Brian doesn't have a quick enough answer to that, andJustin picks up his stuff and stalks off.] [Mike's closing the store. Bencomes up.] Ben: Hey Michael. I was trying to catch you. Michael: Well, you caught me. Ben: Yeah, the class waitin' for you. You never showed. Michael: Yeah, the thing is I was really busy. I had youjust called. I'm sorry. Ben: But I'd like to reschedule. How's Thursday? Michael: Well, I'm starting a new business. I don't thinkI have the time. Ben: Yeah, uh, I think I understand. It was an impositionin the first place. Michael: Wait, wait. Look. The truth is I'm not Brainiac. Ben: Well wait, one of Superman's arch-villains, am Iright? See, I'm learning. Michael: I'm impressed. Standing in front of a bunch ofcollege students pretending that I know something isbullshit! Ben: Why is it bullshit, Michael? Michael: Because the Justice League of America isn'texactly Proust or Foucault, or whoever the f*ck they are. Ben: You could tell them something. What you know is justas valuable. You have this incredible knowledge of gaysemiotics that you don't even realize. Michael: Gay what? Ben: Never mind, it is no matter. The point is you havethis... Michael: Passion? Ben: Irradiate it. It's like the Flynn. Michael: Well, that must be why...I'm a little hot. [The dungeon.] Ted: No, no, they're bailing fast. Em: Well, what did you expect? Signing up to see ZackO'Tool and instead they get me. They screaming for therunning back. Ted: And I'm gonna give it to them unless you start doin'something! [Emmett lamely waves at the camera.] Ted: Take something off! [Emmett gingerly unbuttons his shirt.] Ted: Better. Take off you're goddamn pants! Em: Alright! [Emmett turns his back to the camera, cautiously takesoff his pants and strips down to his black bikiniunderwear.] Ted: And now you're undies. Good, right. 180 and holding.I think we've stopped the bleeding. Em: What do I do now? Ted: What do you mean? You grab your pud and you pull! [Emmett slowly turns around to face the camera.] Ted: It's starting to grow up. Em: So am I. Ted: Holy sh1t! Em: What? What? Ted: You're bigger than O'Tool! Our subscriber are to,250. OK, keep stroking! Em: I always told you I was a grower, not a show-er. Whatwaiting for me to shoot? Ted: Not yet. Em: How much longer? Ted: 530! Now, now, now! Go, go, go. Shoot, shoot, shoot! [He shoots all over himself.] Ted: Emmett, that's amazing. That is amazing! No one'sever going to know that you used the jizzball. Ted: What jizzball? [Ben's classroom. Mike finallygets to give his lecture.] Michael: The male figure has been worshipped fromMichelangelo's David all the way to Captain Astro. [There's even a slide show behind him, showing variouscomic book heroes.] Michael: The strength and musculare... [he stopps] ofthe... of the... [Ben nods at him reassuringly. Mike gives his head ashake and sighs.] Michael: I'm sorry, you know what? I haven't a clue whathomoeroticism in literature means, I just know that TheFlash looks good in tights. I start reading Flash andSuperman and Captain America when I was just a kid. Atfirst, because it was fun. I liked the stories, and Iliked the pictures. It was a great escape from all theshit -- uh, sorry, the stuff that was bugging me. And mymom didn't want me to read them. But later at I'mrealised that... later as I'm realised that I was gay Iread them for a different reason. Because, in ways thatmaybe were not intended, these superheroes were a lotlike me. You know, at work they were meek andunderappreciated. They were the guys that never getlaid... [students laughs] And when they're around otherpeople, they can't let anybody get too close for fearthat their true identities would be discovered. Withinall the villians and the monsters and the evil forcesthat are trying to destroy them somehow they're survived.Even the one thing that can kill Superman, one thingwhich he has no immunity, cryptonit, altermately you knowthat he'll survive that and he'll go on and safe theworld. I believe the same about us. That's what thecomics have shown me -- that despite everything, we'llsurvive. And we'll win. But back to the guy in thetights. [class laughs and so Ben.] [It's raining in Pittsburgh, andJustin shows up on Debbie's doorstep, drenched to thebone.] Debbie: Sunshine! What are you doin' here? Justin: You haven't rent my old room, yet? Debbie: No, come in here. [Cut to Brian at Woody's.] Debbie: Hasn't the kid went through enough that you causehim more pain? Brian: Stay out of it! Debbie: The f*ck I will! I care about him, all you careabout is you're... Brian: ...getting my dick sucked. I think that form isestablished. Now Debbie move on from there. Debbie: Look, all I want is... Brian: ...to interfere? Debbie: You can call whatever the f*ck you want. I don'twant Justin hurt. Brian: Well, that's life, isn't it? Surprise! Debbie: You think you have everybody fooled, don't ya?But not me, honey. I've known you too long. Andregrettably, too well. And no matter how hard you triedto deny it I can tell you care as much about him as hecares about you. Only you haven't the big hairy ball tosay it. Brian: Oh, maybe I can borrow your's? Debbie: Whatever it takes. To admit that you love him.And I know you do. Despite all your efforts to never letanother heart touch yours, that assume you have one. Thatlittle persistent kid has somehow gotten under the wire.And that's what happen, huh? Admit the truth. You lovehim, don't ya? [Pause] I though so. Then tell him. Tellhim what you could never say to Michael. [Babylon!] Ted: Hey, how about a drink after this hard day work? [Ted hands out flyers for the website to all the Hotties,one of whom is checking Emmett out.] Em: What that incredible cute guy crusing me? Ted: Not just cruising. He's in maximum overdrive. Man#1: Excuse me, what that you today on the website? Ted: Oh yeah, it was. And come back and see him onJerkAtWork.net soon. Man#1: You're performance was really inspiring. You mindsigning this for me? Em: Oh, ok. To Christopher. Thanks for being such...a bigfan..I hope I can live up to it. All my best...love andluck...Emmett. Honeycutt. Man#1: Wow, thanks. [The man leaves them.] Ted: My little star. We've get you a p0rn name. Em: What's wrong with Emmett Honeycutt? Ted: No, p0rn lore has it that you're supposed to takethe name of your childhood pet, and add the street thatyou grew up on. Em: My favourite mutch war Fetch. Ted: And the street? Em: We live at the corner of Nathan and Dixon. Ted: Fetch Dixon. A star is...p0rn. [The Happy Fun Bedroom. Lindsayflips through another bridal magazine. She decides tocheck out that issue of Oui instead, and flips straightto Melanie's pictures. Melanie eventually catches Lindsaymasturbating to them.] Mel: I though you didn't like p0rn. Lindsay: And I like even less thinking about all thosestrange men, and even a few women, looking at you. Mel: It was a long time ago before I knew you. Lindsay: Why you didn't have ever told me? Mel: It's not something really boost about. I practicallyforget about it. Lindsay: I doesn't like having any secrets. There aren'tmore, are there? [Mel shakes her head and pulls off her tank top.] Mel: I swear. What about you? Lindsay: Well, there was that time I was a hooker inAlaska. But that was only a summer job. Mel: I used to have a pretty hot bod. Lindsay: You still do. Mel: Why settle for a magazine when you can have the realthing? [Babylon! In grainy black andwhite, no less. From the balcony, Brian watches Justinmake out with an Hottie on the dance floor.] Brian: Hey. Justin: Hey. Brian: [to the hottie] Hey, f*ck off! Justin: What do you want? Brian: You were right. The reason I took you in was thatyou took a bat to the head. But that's not the reasonthat I want you to stay. But don't get the idea we'resome married couple. Cause we're not. We're not, like,f*cking straight people. We're not like you're parents.And we're not a parent dykes marching on the fareways.We're queers, and if we're together, it's because we wantto be, not because there's matching locks on our doors.So if I'm out just assume I'm doin' exactly what I wantto doin'. I'm f*cking. And when I come home, I'm alsodoing what I want to be doing. Coming home to you. Justin: OK, I want some things too. You can f*ck whoeveryou want, as long as it is not twice. Same for me. And nonames or numbers exchanged. And no matter where you are,no matter what you're doin' you always come home. Say 2. Brian: 4. Justin: 3 AM. One more thing. You don't kiss anyone elseon the mouth but me. [In response, Brian gives him a big old heartstopper of akiss.] [At Ben's home. Ben brings Mike abeer, and a book.] Michael: Thanks. Ben: Oh, I've got something else for ya. Michael: R-U-1-2? R-U-1-2, I get it! You're wrote this?You wrote a book? Ben: Yes, yes, it's me first and last novel. Which thereviewer called "a noble effort from a fresh newvoice." There was on the remainder table soonafterward. Michael: I didn't nobody who wrote a book before. Ben: Open it. Michael: "To Michael. Beneath his mild-manneredappearance beats the heart of a superhero. Ben." Idon't know what to say. [He gives Ben a hug.] Ben: So, where were we? Michael: About this. [They start making out. Kissing. Unbuttoning each other'sshirts. Pants. But Ben suddenly pulls away! Mike'sconfused.] Ben: Hey, hey, Michael. Wait a minute. Michael: What for? Ben: I just want you to know that... I'm HIV-positive. End.

Justin and Brian negotiate their relationship - it's not like your parents! Ted's new business flourishes thanks to Emmett. Could one of Michael's first customers turn out to be the love of his life? Lindsay can't stand Ted's dirty little business. Melanie shares a dirty little secret of her own!

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[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper is there talking on the phone while holding a crying Chris. Wyatt is sitting in a highchair.] Piper: Yeah, I get that, Rex, but I need you at the club. You're supposed to be there. Valentine's Day is gonna be a very busy night. Can't you ask her to marry you another night? (Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: Get off that phone. Piper: You know what, I'll handle it. Good luck. (Piper hangs up.) I hope she says no. Phoebe: Take a look at this. This is the new face of evil. (She shows Piper a newspaper.) His name is John Normand. He owns the phone company, and he's been stealing from us for months. Doesn't that just make you angry? Piper: Not really. Phoebe: Wait, he's been stealing from us, and he's probably gonna get away with it due to some loophole or something. (Piper puts Chris down on the change table.) Piper: Phoebe, I'm a little more worried about the actual demons in the world, you know, the ones we almost got rid of. Phoebe: Yeah, there's nothing we can do about them. We tried to save the world, it didn't work. The demons are gonna attack when they're gonna attack. Piper: And when they do, we're just gonna be right back to the same old... (Piper takes off Chris' diaper.) Wow! Phoebe: Whoa! You're not kidding. Wow! Piper: Okeydokey. (Piper puts a new diaper on Chris.) Speaking of which, could you do me a favour and watch the boys tonight? I need Leo to help me set up at P3, and apparently my manager is busy proposing. Phoebe: Yeah, sure, of course. It's not like anyone's proposing to me, or like anyone's sending me flowers or reciting me poetry. So much for the little girl I saw in my vision. Piper: Well, Phoebe, just because the Avatars are gone doesn't mean that you won't still find love. Phoebe: Easy for you to say. You have Leo. Piper: Yeah, but do I really? It's only a matter of time before the Elders punish him for becoming an Avatar, which they practically drove him to anyway with Gideon and everything. Phoebe: They made Kyle a Whitelighter, and that's good, right? Piper: Yeah, but it took him away from Paige. And believe me, they got their cosmic jollies off that one. Phoebe: Where is Paige? Piper: At Magic School, where else? Why? Phoebe: Just worried about her, that's all. [Scene: Magic School. Paige and Miss Donovan are there.] Paige: It really is another great application. Miss Donovan: A muse? No, no, no, no. You can't hire her as the next literature professor. She'll inspire them to write novels instead of reading them. Paige: Oh, that's a good point. I hadn't thought of that. Miss Donovan: Well, I did. And that's why you should hire me. Paige: What? You want to be a teacher? Miss Donovan: Well, isn't it time I moved up? Besides, I had a great rapport with the last literature professor. Paige: You hated that little gnome, arguing with him five minutes before he was killed. Miss Donovan: Well, that was our way. Besides, if the truth were told, he'd want me to have the job. I'm very well-read. Paige: It takes more than that, though. It takes being able to really connect with the students. Miss Donovan: I can do that. In fact, I've got some tricks you don't even know about. (Miss Donovan suddenly disappears and she sits up on the couch near by.) Paige: Did you astral project? Miss Donovan: Mrs. Winterbourne taught me before she went on sabbatical. Don't worry, I'll get used to it. Trust me. I am the best candidate for this job. (The hear a motorbike.) Paige: What the hell... (A guy on a motorbike suddenly appears and he skids across the floor and slams into a table.) Drake: That's gonna leave a mark. Sorry about the table. Paige: Are you okay? (He turns off the motorbike.) Miss Donovan: Who are you? Drake: I'm the new teacher. Opening Credits [Scene: Magic School. Continued from before.] Miss Donovan: You ride in here and nearly kill us, and now you want to teach here? Drake: If I wanted to teach parallel parking, you might have a point, but I'm here for literature. Miss Donovan: And what do you know about literature? Drake: Plenty. (He clicks his fingers and a sheet of paper appears in his hand.) My resume. (He hands it to Paige.) Paige: Drake. Huh. Well, maybe you should have sent this in so you didn't waste your time. Drake: Oh, I never waste my time. For life is but a walking shadow, the poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a tale... Miss Donovan: Tale told... Drake: Take it, sister. Miss Donovan: By an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying... Drake: Nothing. Paige: You two are not gonna make this easy for me. Drake: Come on, what are you talking about? No contest. It's right there on the resume. I studied at Juilliard, performed on Broadway, and I was penning a memoir that I intend to finish on my deathbed. Miss Donovan: Oh, I look forward to reading that. Drake: Well, thank you very much. Paige: Why aren't any of these credits more than a year long? Drake: Simple really. Before that I was a demon. Miss Donovan: What? A demon? Drake: Was a demon. Now human. Paige: Okay, and how exactly did that happen? Drake: Personally, I hate exposition, but if... All right. Fifty weeks ago I made a deal, the Sorcerer made me human. Paige: Just like that? Drake: There were a few minor stipulations. First of all, I get to keep my powers, and if I use them in any offensive manner, he gets them, and I burn for all eternity. Miss Donovan: What are you waiting for? Vanquish him! Drake: Vanq... Lady. Vanquish. I just want a chance to make up for my demon days. If you don't believe me, research me, look into my history. I've got almost nothing to hide. Miss Donovan: We'll see about that. Paige: Miss Donovan, where are you going? Miss Donovan: To prove that he's dangerous. (Miss Donovan leaves the room.) Drake: If that is safety, then I am dangerous. Boy, is she gonna be sorry when I get the job. Paige: Not so fast, Mr. Pompadour Motorcycle Guy. I don't know what to make of you. Drake: Why don't we consult the Book of Shadows? Want a ride? [Scene: P3. Piper and Leo are there. Piper slaps a cardboard heart onto the wall.] Piper: Okay, next. Leo: That one's ripped. Piper: So? The crowd will be too. Actually, this is taking far too long. Where's my staple gun? Leo: Staple gun? Since when do you staple decorations? Don't you want everything to be perfect? Piper: What's the point? It's all gonna be torn down tomorrow anyway. Leo: The point is not to worry about what's gonna happen tomorrow. The point is to stop and enjoy Valentine's Day. Piper: Well, some people can't forget. Some people would rather see the rips and the flaws so that they're not totally devastated when they're all torn down suddenly tomorrow. Leo: We're not talking about decorations anymore, are we? Piper: Look, Leo, I'm sorry, but I can't just stand here and pretend like everything is not falling apart again. We both know the Elders are not gonna be easy on you. Leo: When you change the world, you gotta expect consequences. Piper: Says who? The Elders brought this on themselves. It's just as much their fault as it is ours, maybe even more so. Leo: Well, I'm the one that chose to become an Avatar. I betrayed them. Piper: Because they drove you to it, with Gideon, what he did to Chris and what he tried to do to Wyatt. Leo: I don't think they'll see it that way. Piper: You need to make them see it that way, or else this may be the last Valentine's Day we spend together. [Scene: Underworld. Cave. A Sorcerer and a bounty hunter are there.] Sorcerer: Your leads are worthless, bounty hunter! Bounty Hunter: I'm not the one who lost Drake in the first place. That was you, Sorcerer. Sorcerer: Well, I never dreamt I'd need to keep tabs on him. By now, I thought he would have used his powers for sure. Bounty Hunter: And yet he hasn't. Sorcerer: He's stronger than I thought, which is why you must find him so I can force him to give in to temptation. Bounty Hunter: But we are running out of time. Sorcerer: In more ways than one, Mr. Rathbone. Zankou is moving in to take over the Underworld. If I expect to stop him and to seize the throne for myself, I must have Drake's powers! I'll double the bounty, but find him. (Three demons walk in. Two of the demons are holding onto Miss Donovan and she is struggling to get away.) Demon: Sir, excuse me, sir. We have a new lead. Bounty Hunter: A woman? You call that a lead? Demon: We caught her in the Underworld asking about Drake. She may know where he is. Sorcerer: Ah, is that so? Miss Donovan: I don't know anything. Let me go! (The Sorcerer holds up a knife.) Sorcerer: Think harder, my dear. [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Phoebe, Wyatt and Chris are there. Phoebe is on the phone.] Phoebe: No, you can not put me on hold again. When are you gonna send me a refund for my phone bill? What do you mean, never? Look, this is... You know what? Forget it. I have call waiting anyway, which you're probably overcharging me for, right? (She presses a button.) Hello? Darryl: Hey, Phoebe, it's Darryl. Phoebe: Darryl, shouldn't you be out arresting that thief John Normand? Did you read the paper today? It says that... Darryl: We got bigger things to worry about. Sheridan's back. Phoebe: What? Oh, no. Any more good news? Darryl: Your friend Brody came to visit me last night and told me that he brought her out of the coma. Didn't you say he died? Phoebe: Yeah, well, I never said it stuck. He became a Whitelighter. Darryl: The point is he did some mumbo jumbo on her where she doesn't remember anything that happened. Phoebe: Well, does she remember us? Darryl: I don't know yet. He told me to tell her that they went on some undercover mission and that he died and she wound up in a coma. Just how long do you expect her to buy that? Phoebe: I don't know. But as long as we don't trigger her memory, we should be fine. Darryl: What do you mean, trigger? Phoebe: Her memory could come back is she's reminded of us. You have to keep her away from us. Paige's Voice: Phoebe, I need you upstairs. Phoebe: Okay. Coming! Darryl, I'm sorry, I gotta go. You'll have to deal with this like the rest of us. (Phoebe hangs up.) [Cut to the Police Station.] Darryl: Phoebe... (Darryl turns around and Sheridan is standing there.) Sheridan: Phoebe. Do I know her? Darryl: I don't know. Do you? [Cut to the Manor. Attic. Paige is there with Drake. She is flipping through the Book of Shadows.] Drake: See? Right there. You have nothing to fear. Paige: What are you talking about? It says that you have the power to fire a thermal blast that can knock out ten demons at a time. Drake: Yeah, but I told you. If I use them, then the Sorcerer gets them, and that would be bad. It also says that I can be vanquished by the Power of Three. Hello. See? Right there. (He touches the Book.) What? Paige: You touched it. Drake: What? Paige: You touched the Book. Drake: Oh my god, so I did. I guess that means I'm good. (He touches the Book again.) Paige: Stop it. Maybe it does, and maybe it doesn't. The Book has been tricked before. So have we. Just recently, as a matter of fact. Drake: All right, then, that explains it. So what did this mistake cost you? A colleague? A friend? A lover? Paige: Actually, all of the above. Drake: No wonder you're so indecisive. Paige: I'm not indecisive. You think I'm indecisive? Drake: Paige, making mistakes is what makes us human. (Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: Hey, sorry. I put the boys down for a nap. Who are you? Drake: Hi. Phoebe: Hi. Paige: Drake, Phoebe. Phoebe, Drake. Yeah. He's an ex-demon. Phoebe: What? Excuse me? Drake: I thought you guys had lots of experience with demons who were human. You married one, didn't you? Phoebe: Yes, and divorced. How did you know that? Drake: Gossip around the office cauldron. Anyway, the point is, girls, you don't know what it's like to be judged simply by the way you were born. (He clicks his fingers and suddenly he's wearing a French costume.) (in French accent) Look well at me and tell me with what hope this vile protuberance can inspire my heart? (Phoebe laughs.) Paige: He's very dramatic. Phoebe: I see that. I don't know why Cyrano's here but he should probably leave because we have our own problems. Drake: But, my dear Roxanne, feel'st thou my soul, here? Phoebe: You know, then again, I don't have a date for Valentine's Day. He's kinda hot. Paige: He's hot until you figure out how many people he's killed. Drake: Wait a minute. I never killed anyone. (He clicks his fingers and returns to his normal clothes.) Except demons. Killed plenty of them. Phoebe: Join the club. It sucks, doesn't it? Paige: You're telling me in your whole demonic career, you have not killed one innocent? Drake: That's because since the day I was hatched, I've been reading books, and they taught me about feelings, human feelings, love, sadness, death. Since then I could never harm an innocent. I always found a way around doing that. Paige: (to Phoebe) What do you think? Phoebe: I kind of believe him. You? Paige: I don't know. I'm gonna ask Piper. Drake: Come on, Paige, tell her I'm the right man for the job. Phoebe: Job? What job? Paige: Fill her in. I'll be back. (Paige orbs out.) Drake: So you like Gene Kelly movies? Phoebe: Love 'em. Why? [Scene: On top of Golden Gate Bridge. Leo is waiting there. Two Elders orb in.] Leo: Thanks for coming. Sandra: Of course. After all that's happened, it's the least we could do. Kheel: Oh, please, don't apologise. If anything, we've been far too lenient with him. Leo: Lenient? You tried to kill me. Kheel: You left us no choice. Leo: Funny, I feel the same way. Sandra: Gentlemen, neither side is without blame. Perhaps we could put the past behind us. Kheel: And we will... once he's done the penance for his betrayal. Leo: That's why I brought you here. I should be able to defend myself before you issue judgment. Kheel: Really? And what would you say? Leo: That what I did was for my family. I was trying to create a better world for them, for all of us. Kheel: Too bad you failed. Sandra: Perhaps it would be best if Leo and I spoke alone, if you don't mind. (Kheel orbs out.) It hasn't been easy arguing on your behalf. Leo: Thanks for trying. Sandra: One word of advice, Leo. Stay out of magical affairs. Or you just might make things even worse for yourself. [Scene: Manor. Parlor. Drake is there dancing. Phoebe walks down the stairs.] Phoebe: Wow, let me get this straight. You do musical theatre as well? Drake: Oh, I'm full of surprises. (He clicks his fingers and Phoebe is suddenly dressed in a white dress and black vest.) Phoebe: What's this? Drake: Another surprise. (He takes her hands and they start dancing.) Happy Valentines Day. Phoebe: And to you. (They lean in to kiss but Piper and Paige walk in and interrupts them.) Piper: Get your paws off of her! Drake: So much for romance. Phoebe: Piper. (Phoebe giggles.) We were just having fun. You know, fun. Piper: With the demon? Phoebe, how many times have I told you not to play dress up with the demons. Paige: I'm sure it's harmless. Drake: Incidentally, Piper, I am an ex-demon. Piper: Look, buddy, we're not gonna let a demon or an ex-demon teach at Magic School. It's ridiculous. Paige: Maybe you're right. Drake, I'm really sorry. It's just not a real feasible thing for you to do. It could cause too many problems. Drake: Oh, no, you're making a terrible mistake. As an ex-demon, I can get through to these kids, I can keep them from going down the path of evil. Phoebe, talk to them, make them see reason. Phoebe: I can't. Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but it just... it's not really practical. I'm sorry. Drake: This is all wrong. The problem here isn't me. It's you three. You're shaken by the core by what's happened with the Avatars. (to Paige) You, you just lost faith in yourself, (to Phoebe) and you, you've been disheartened by the fight. (to Piper) And you, sweetheart, are just plain mean. (Piper laughs.) Piper: Watch it. (Paige giggles.) Drake: You're mean because you closed down your heart. You're petrified it's gonna get broken again, aren't you? You know, there's only one man I know who can solve all of these problems. (He clicks his fingers and Piper and Paige are suddenly dressed in leather, Phoebe is dressed in a white gown with long red hair, and Drake is dressed as Robin Hood.) Well, come on, Robin Hood. Paige: You, I'm gonna hire you just so I can fire you. Piper: Do we look merry to you? Drake: Well, perhaps you should see the world as Robin Hood would have. He believed in himself, also loved the thrill of the fight. And despite the threat of imminent death, he found love with his dear Maid Marian. (He kisses Phoebe's hand.) Phoebe: That's very sweet. Isn't that... You should probably change us back. Drake: Very well. (Drake clicks his fingers and they change back to their normal clothes.) Piper: Kitchen, now, let's go. (The girls head for the kitchen.) Phoebe: (to Drake) You just give me one second. (The Sorcerer shimmers in behind Drake.) Drake: I thought they'd never leave. [Cut to the kitchen.] Phoebe: Vanquish him? Are you sure? Piper: Well, if he doesn't leave, we don't have a choice. Phoebe: But his heart is in the right place. [Cut back to the parlor.] Sorcerer: Now, let's see those powers, demon. [Cut to the kitchen.] Paige: On the other hand, he still has his demonic powers. Piper: Hi, waffle much? (They hear a crash from the other room.) [Cut to the parlor. Drake falls to the floor. The Sorcerer is standing over him with his arms outstretched. Drake is glowing red.] Sorcerer: "Darkness within cannot be undone. Embrace your true self." (Piper, Phoebe and Paige run in.) Piper: Here we go again. (Piper tries to blow him up and he flies across the room and hits the wall.) Sorcerer: Damn it! (He shimmers out.) Phoebe: Drake. Are you okay? (She runs over to him.) Drake: Drake? Who's Drake? I'm Robin... of Locksley. Paige: Of course you are. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Dining Room. Drake jumps around the corner wielding a bow and arrow.] Drake: Stand and deliver! (He aims for an apple but the arrow misses and hits a pillow.) Excellent. (He reaches for another arrow. Piper walks in.) John will be no match for me. Piper: Robin, you missed. And if you put a hole in my wall, you'll have me to answer to, not some prince. Drake: My apologies, my good woman, but my aim must be true if I am to right John's wrongs. Piper: Right. Just be careful. (Piper walks into the conservatory where Phoebe and Paige are sitting at a table. Phoebe is flipping through the Book of Shadows.) Please tell me you found a way to fix Robin in there. Phoebe: Not yet. Can't you just freeze him? Piper: Nope. Not freezing. Paige: I'm sorry, you guys. Another big mistake bringing him here. Phoebe: No, it's just our lives. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Paige: Yeah, but I don't understand why it went wrong. Why does the Sorcerer want to turn Drake into Robin Hood, of all things? Piper: I don't think he meant to. I think he meant to bring out Drake's inner demon so he could use his powers. But then I blasted him mid-spell, so instead we got his inner Robin Hood. Drake: Royal hound! (He shoots another arrow and it smashes a vase of flowers.) Sorry, my fault. Paige: Another mistake for the Charmed Ones. Piper: It was an accident. Paige: Either way, we messed up. Phoebe: Okay. I found a vanquishing potion for the Sorcerer, but of course, there's no way to find him. Paige: How is finding the Sorcerer even gonna fix Drake anyway? Piper: Actually, I think it will because, if we vanquish the Sorcerer, then it should reverse his magic. Drake: Saxon dog! Paige: Okay, well, I'll go to the Magic School, and I'll ask Miss Donovan to look through things and see if she can find something that helps us find the Sorcerer. Phoebe: Or you could just do it yourself. Paige: Yeah, well, I don't know the archives that well. And, knowing me, I'd probably mess up. (Paige orbs out.) Phoebe: What are we gonna do with her? Piper: We'll fix her later. Right now, we need to deal with him. (They hear a crash and Drake slides along the dining room table. He picks up a sheet of paper.) Phoebe: What is he doing with my phone bill? (They rush over to him.) Drake: Marian, these taxes are outrageous. Prince John has gone too far. Phoebe: Okay, I'm not Marian, I'm Phoebe, remember? And give me that! (She snatches the phone bill off him.) Piper: Prince John has been dead for centuries. He's not taxing anyone anymore. Phoebe: Yeah. The phone company is owned by a different John, and he's, well, a really swell guy. Drake: Nonsense. The evidence of his misdeeds is right there on the parchment. (He points to the newspaper.) Piper: You left that out? Phoebe: Who knew? Drake: I think it's high time I paid John a visit. My steed! (He clicks his fingers and a motorbike appears.) Horsepower. Piper: What kind of Robin Hood rides a motorcycle? Phoebe: Forget that. What are we gonna do? We can't just let him go out there. Especially not with Sheridan back. Piper: Sheridan's back? Phoebe: Did I forget to mention that? Piper: Go with him. Phoebe: What? Piper: You're the Marian person. Go with him. Phoebe: Robin, wait. (Phoebe sits on the bike behind Drake.) Here we go. (He hands her his bow.) Oh, okay. Piper: Helmets please, people. (Helmets suddenly appear on their heads.) Drake: Hold on, milady. (The front doors fly open and they ride out of the manor.) [Cut to outside a building. Drake and Phoebe pull up on the motorbike.] Phoebe: Okay, well, no Prince John here. We should probably go home, huh? Drake: And give up without a fight? I think not. Those riches belong to the people of Sherwood Forest. We must see they're returned. Phoebe: I know. But we can't just steal from the rich and give to the poor. There's laws against that. Drake: Marian, have you forgotten what it is to do good? (They walk inside the building. There is a long line of people waiting inside. Drake walks past the line of people.) Man: Hey, that guy's cutting. (A man stops Drake.) Man #2: Hey, hey, Pocahontas. There's a line. Drake: Little John. You came to join our merry band. Excellent. Man #2: Who are you calling little? Office Manager: Excuse me. Man #2: You want to fight me? Is that it? (Phoebe rushes up to them.) Phoebe: No, no, no, no. No, Robin. Drake: You've put on a bit of girth. Office Manager: Excuse me. I'm the office manager here. Is there a problem? Man #2: This nutjob's trying to butt in line. Phoebe: He doesn't know any better. (Drake walks up to the office manager and grabs him by his tie.) Drake: You will tell me where Prince John is. Office Manager: Who? Drake: Prince John. Phoebe: Okay, we don't want to kill the peasants. That's not what we do. Drake: He is no peasant. He's an accomplice to the prince's thievery. Office Manager: What? I didn't steal anything. Man #2: The hell you didn't. I read the paper. I know you've been screwing us. Thanks to you, I can't afford to take my wife out for Valentine's Day. Woman: That's nothing. They cut off my phone service for no reason. And now they want to charge me to re-connect it. Man #3: What about their lousy technicians? I wasted a day of work waiting on them. Man #2: See, you're making all our lives miserable. Kick his ass, Robin! Phoebe: No, just tell him where John Normand is. That's all he wants to know. Office Manager: Headquarters, financial district. Phoebe: Great, we'll find it. Come on. Office Manager: Just don't tell him I sent you. (Phoebe leaves.) Drake: Good people of Sherwood, the prince has abused his power for far too long. He lives in riches while you live in squalor. Man #2: Yeah! Drake: It is high time we take back that which was stolen from you. All of those who wish to join my fight, you follow me! Everyone: Yeah! [Cut to outside. A security guard is standing near a Armored Services truck holding up a gun. Suddenly an arrow flies through the air and knocks the gun out of his hand. Drake walks out of the building pointing the bow and arrow.] Drake: Stand down if you know what's good for you. (Drake goes over to the Armored Services truck. Phoebe walks out of the building.) Phoebe: Hey! What are you doing? Drake: Marian, you're just in time. To the end of Prince John's tyranny! (He grabs some money out of the truck and throws it into the air. Everyone runs to try catch it.) Phoebe: You can't do this! Drake: Look what the prince has done to these people. How can you turn a blind eye to that? Or has your heart really grown that cold? Fill your hearts and fill your bellies! (Sirens are heard.) Phoebe: The police are coming. We gotta go. Let's go. (She pushes through the crowd.) Excuse me. (The Sorcerer is watching near by.) [Scene: Underworld. Cave. Miss Donovan is shackled to the wall. Her astral projected self is trying to unlock the shackles. The Sorcerer stands behind her, watching.] Miss Donovan: Oh, please. Please... Sorcerer: So you can astral project. That could come in very handy later. (He pokes her and she astral projects back into her body.) Morning, sunshine. Miss Donovan: What do you want with me? Sorcerer: I'm afraid I couldn't bring the demon out of Drake as I'd planned. I was interrupted by the Charmed Ones. Miss Donovan: Then they'll probably come for you. Sorcerer: Which is why I need you to serve as a distraction when the time is right. Miss Donovan: Oh, why did I ever come down here? I should have stayed in the library. Sorcerer: The library? Well, then you are indeed a prize. Miss Donovan: Why? What do you mean? Sorcerer: The witches' interference made my spell go awry. Drake is unstable now, and I need to use this to my advantage. So tell me... what do you know about Robin Hood? [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper is making a potion and on the phone.] Piper: No, Phoebe, you can't take him to John Normand's office. That is a very bad idea. You have to bring him back here. I said you have to bring him back here! Phoebe. Phoebe! Damn it. (She hangs up. Leo walks in.) Do I really need this today? Or ever? Leo: Relax. You can handle it. Piper: This coming from the man who refuses to help. Leo: I told you, I'm afraid that I'm gonna piss off the Elders, and they can recycle me, Piper. You don't want that, do you? Piper: No, of course not. But it's just, we were this close to a life without Elders, without demons, without freaking Robin Hood running through the streets, threatening to expose us. Leo: I know, but this is the life that we have now, and have to make the best out of it, okay? So relax, you can handle it, just like you've done before. Piper: Thank you, and don't remind me. (Paige orbs in.) Paige: Have you guys seen the news? Piper: No. Weren't you at Magic School? Paige: Yeah! We have satellite. (Paige turns on the TV in the kitchen.) News Reporter: He apparently threw the stolen cash into the crowd, inciting a near riot. Police have launched a search for the man who bystanders described as a modern-day Robin Hood. (Paige turns off the TV.) Piper: Still think I can handle this one? Leo: Just like the good old days. Piper: Bite your tongue. Paige: Okay, you know what? I should go warn Darryl. Because the cops have no idea what they're up against. Piper: No, no, no. Wait. I need you to write a vanquishing spell. Paige: Why? You have the potion. Piper: Not for the Sorcerer, for Drake. Paige: For Drake? Really? Piper: We need to be able to stop him. And this may be the only way. Leo, can you warn Darryl? Leo: What about the Elders? Piper: Oh, for God's sake. I don't think they'll strike you down for making a phone call. Leo: Right. Paige: You know what? I found a spell at Magic School and it should be able to summon the Sorcerer. That way we don't have to vanquish Drake. Piper: You mean Miss Donovan found it? Paige: No. I found it. Come to think of it, I haven't actually seen Miss Donovan in a little while. Look, anyway, the point is, with my spell, we can summon the Sorcerer. With your potion we can vanquish him and that kind of fixes the whole Drake thing, yeah? Piper: Maybe, but if that doesn't work, we need a plan B. We've gotta stop Drake somehow. Paige: Well, I guess it can't hurt. Piper: Exactly. The last thing we need is another news report like that one. [Scene: Police Station. Darryl is on the phone.] Darryl: He's a what? Leo: An ex-demon. But he still has powers, so be careful. You don't want the cops to provoke him too much. He could take out half the force. Darryl: If Sheridan finds out, that could be a trigger. Leo: Sorry? Darryl: For her memory. If she remembers she was after them, then she'll be all over us again. Leo: Oh, then, you can't let her find out. Darryl: Thanks for the tip, Leo. (Darryl hangs up. He grabs his coat. Sheridan walks up to him.) Sheridan: Good news, lieutenant. The captain wants us to work together. So where are we going, partner? [Scene: Street. Phoebe and Drake are there. They cross the road in front of a cab. He slams on his breaks.] Cab Driver: Hey, what's the matter with you, moron! Phoebe: So we're just gonna talk to the guy, right? We're not actually gonna kill him. Drake: No, of course not. As long as he promises to give back every last penny. Phoebe: What do you mean, every last penny? Look, I don't think this is a good idea. Drake: Marian, you've come so far. You must be strong enough to finish the fight, for those who cannot fight for themselves. Do not let all we've done be for naught. (They hear a siren. Darryl and Sheridan pull up.) Phoebe: Darryl. Drake: The sheriff of Nottingham. It's about time he arrived. Sheridan: Freeze! (She points her gun. Drake shoots an arrow at her and it hits her in the arm.) Phoebe: Sheridan! (Phoebe runs over to her.) Drake: Marian! Marian! Phoebe: Oh my god. Are you okay? (Sheridan grabs Phoebe.) Sheridan: Yeah, I'm fine. But you're under arrest. (to Darryl) Where's the other one? Darryl: He got away. [Cut to inside a building. Office. John Normand is there. Drake kicks open the door.] Drake: Prince John! We meet at last. John: What the hell is this? (Drake points his bow and arrow at John.) Drake: The end of your reign. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: John Normand's Office. Continued from before.] John: You'll never make it out of here, you know that. I mean, the cops will have you inside of two minutes. Drake: You need not worry about me, sire. John: What exactly do you want from me? Did my ex-wife send you? Drake: I'm here to rob you. John: Of course. Well, in that case, we'd better get right to it, and you can be on your merry way. Now, who should I make this out to? Drake: You will return all that you have stolen to every last person in your domain. John: But I have millions of customers. Drake: Then I suggest you get started. [Cut to outside. Police cars have pulled up. Darryl is talking on a walkie talkie.] Darryl: Hold your position, and nobody make a move unless I say so. (He walks over to Phoebe and Sheridan. Sheridan is holding a cloth up to her arm.) You should really get that wound checked. Sheridan: No, thanks. I've missed enough. Miss Halliwell here was just telling me a very interested story. Phoebe: Wait, you don't believe me? Sheridan: I think it's a little far-fetched, don't you think? You get kidnapped by Robin Hood, forced to go on a crime spree, only to be saved in the end by us. That's a nice touch. Darryl: Let her go, Sheridan. She's a friend. Phoebe: Hey, you know what? Sheridan, I'm a good person. And I really think that I can help you out in this situation if you'd just let me. Darryl: Do you really think you can? Phoebe: Yeah, I do. He and I have a connection. He's a little messed up right now, but I really think I could break through to him. But I gotta talk to him. Sheridan: That's completely out of the question. It's dangerous, and it breaks procedure. Phoebe: You know what? He's dangerous. You have no idea what he's capable of. Man's Voice: (on walkie talkie) Lieutenant, we're in position. We've got a clear shot. Darryl: Hold your fire. (to Sheridan) She's going in. Sheridan: What? Morris... Darryl: That's an order, inspector. Phoebe: Thank you, Darryl. (Sheridan uncuffs Phoebe and Phoebe runs off.) Sheridan: You know, there's something oddly familiar about all this. Darryl: You should get that wound checked. [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Paige are sitting around a table. There are five lit candles on the table.] Paige: "Sorcerer of darkness, demon of fright, I call you now into my sight." (Nothing happens.) Maybe I can just try it again. Piper: No, Paige, you've tried three times. It's not working. He must be protecting himself somehow. Paige: I could have copied it down wrong. Piper: Paige, it's not your first day as a witch. It's just... We're running out of options. You saw the news. I think it's time we go to plan B. Paige: I think getting rid of him would be a big mistake. Piper: So would letting an innocent die. Look, if you're not gonna trust yourself, at least trust me because it's certainly not my first day. (Miss Donovan astral projects in.) Miss Donovan: Paige. Paige: Miss Donovan! Why are you astral projecting? Miss Donovan: Later. I don't have time. The Sorcerer took me prisoner. Piper: What? Miss Donovan: I swear, I was just trying to check out Drake. It turns out he's not so bad. It was the Sorcerer that I should have been worried about. Paige: It's okay, we know all about it. Don't panic. Now that we know where you are, we can scry for you and get you out of there and just vanquish him. Miss Donovan: Oh, thank you. Now I gotta go. (She astral projects out.) Piper: Looks like Drake just got a reprieve. [Cut to the Underworld. Cave. The Sorcerer is watching the attic through a crystal ball.] Sorcerer: Well played, my dear. Miss Donovan: I wish I could have told them what you were planning. Sorcerer: If you had, you'd be dead by now. At least now, you'll live a touch longer than the Charmed Ones will. You see, thanks to your message, they're not focused on saving you. Too bad my lair is protected against summoning and scrying. Miss Donovan: It won't take them long to figure it out. Sorcerer: But by then I'll have Drake's powers. Miss Donovan: How can you be so sure? Sorcerer: Well, you see, once a demon, always a demon. I just need to remind Drake of that, by casting a spell on Prince John. [Scene: John Normand's Office. John is writing out checks.] John: Come on, you cannot expect me to write all these checks. (Phoebe comes in. Drake points his bow and arrow at her.) Phoebe: Oh, Robin, don't shoot! It's me, your Marian. Drake: Milady, how did you elude the sheriff? Phoebe: Oh, me and the sheriff go way back. Now listen. Don't you think it's time we let the prince go? I'm sure he's learned his lesson by now, haven't you, John? John: Oh, oh, yeah. I'm... I'm heartbroken here, man. I didn't realise what I was doing to those poor people. Thank you, Robin. You have really shown me the error of my ways. I swear, I am going to change. Phoebe: See? That's great, that's great. I know you don't want to hurt him. Drake: What about the money? He can't be trusted. Phoebe: Well, if you can't trust him, then trust me. Look, today you reminded me what it's like to do good, to make a difference and to help people. Now let me help you. Come with me, before you do something you'll regret. Drake: Sorry. (John briefly glows red.) John: Oh, I cannot believe that you actually fell for that. Drake: What? John: Oh, really. Do you think I give a rat's ass about some poor schmo who's too stupid to know he's been suckered? There's no way in hell I'm giving this money back. Phoebe: Oh, no, the Sorcerer. [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Piper, Paige and Leo are there. Piper is scrying.] Leo: I don't think Darryl can hold off the cops any longer. You're running out of time. Piper: What would you like me to do? The crystal's not dropping. Paige: This isn't right. We're being played. Piper: Come on, Paige, you're not gonna do any of us any good by waffling now. Paige: I'm not waffling. Look. Fine, I admit, okay. I've been out of it since the whole thing with the Avatars and with Kyle. But I can't keep beating myself up over the mistakes that we've made. I have to move on. I think we all do. Piper: I'm not sure it's that easy. Paige: Maybe not but I have to try, right? Drake said that I have to start trusting my instincts again. Otherwise, I'm not gonna be able to help him or Miss Donovan or anybody. Leo: So what are your instincts telling you? Paige: That Miss Donovan's just a distraction. Otherwise, we would have found her by now. Piper: Okay, say you're right. So you think the Sorcerer is after Drake? Paige: He wants his powers, doesn't he? Drake's bound to use those at some point or another. [Scene: John Normand's Office. Drake has his bow and arrow pointed at John.] Drake: You will give the money back. John: Or what? You're gonna shoot me with an arrow? Come on. I'm evil. You can do better than that. Phoebe: Don't listen to him. He's under a spell. John: You gotta punish me, destroy me, or I'll keep doing evil. And I don't give a damn who gets hurt. Single mums, old people, kids, even your little maid here! (Drake throws down the bow and arrow.) Drake: She's not my maid! (Drake throws fireballs at John and he is knocked through the window. John grabs onto the window sill and hangs onto it from the outside of the building.) Darryl: (from the street) My god. John: Help me, please. (Phoebe grabs John's arm and tries to pull him up.) Phoebe: I gotcha. I gotcha. (Drake turns back to his normal self. The Sorcerer appears in the chair.) Sorcerer: Hello. [Cut to the manor. Conservatory. Leo sees the news on the TV.] Leo: Looks like your instincts were right. News Reporter: (on TV) We believe that John Normand is being hurled out of that window by some... Paige: Just wish I trusted them sooner. [Cut to John Normand's Office.] Sorcerer: A deal is a deal. (The Sorcerer holds out his hands and Drake glows red. The Sorcerer absorbs Drake's powers.) You, off to purgatory, my boy. (Drake is engulfed in flames. Piper and Paige orb in. Drake disappears.) Well, what are you waiting for? Come and get me. (He shimmers out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Leo is there with Wyatt and Chris.] News Reporter: (on TV) This was the scene of chaos, just minutes ago when the man known as Robin Hood detonated what appears to have been a homemade bomb. Fortunately, billionaire John Normand escaped injury with the aide of local advice columnist Phoebe Halliwell. (Piper, Phoebe and Paige orb in.) Phoebe: Piper, we don't have a choice. We have to go after the Sorcerer. Piper: I realise that, but he knows we're coming. He'll set a trap for us. Leo: What happened? The news said Drake was missing. Paige: No, actually, we lost him. Phoebe: But if we vanquish the Sorcerer, we should be able to reverse the magic and get Drake out of purgatory. Paige: Well, if we can use the vanquishing spell I wrote to get rid of Drake, then it should work on getting rid of the Sorcerer. Piper: How can you be sure it'll work? Paige: I trust my gut. Helped us find the Sorcerer, right? Phoebe: And it was right about Drake. He is an innocent. We have to save him, otherwise everything he's done will have been for naught. Piper: For naught? Phoebe: The point is is we have to save Drake. Piper: I don't know, I think Drake's caused enough trouble for one day. Leo: I'll say. We'll be lucky if he doesn't trigger Sheridan's memory. Piper: Not to mention Prince John and all the magic he saw. Phoebe: Okay, John won't remember a thing. We can worry about Sheridan tomorrow. Piper: You worry tomorrow. I'll worry today. (Paige scrys for Miss Donovan. The crystal lands on a spot on the map.) Paige: Found Miss Donovan. Probably the Sorcerer too. Piper: See? Wasn't that a little too easy? I'm telling you, it's a trap. Phoebe: Maybe we should start thinking more like Robin Hood. Piper: Excuse me? [Scene: Underworld. The Sorcerer's Lair. The Sorcerer and Miss Donovan are there.] Sorcerer: It won't be long now. I've lowered the cave's protections, which means the Charmed Ones are on their way. Miss Donovan: To vanquish you, I'm sure. Sorcerer: Oh, I'm sure they'll try. But we're on my turf now. And they'll be no match for my new powers. (Another Miss Donovan appears in the room.) Miss Donovan #2: I'm not so sure about that. Sorcerer: Well, well, well. I'll give you this much. You're getting better at that. You don't even need to be asleep anymore. Miss Donovan: I'm a fast learner. Miss Donovan #2: Me too. Sorcerer: Well, that's wonderful, but I don't think I have time for this right now. (A third Miss Donovan astral projects in the room.) Miss Donovan #3: You should make time. Sorcerer: What the hell? Miss Donovan #3: Because you never know... (Another Miss Donovan appears in the room.) Miss Donovan #4: It's true. You never know when your time is up. Sorcerer: The Charmed Ones. Miss Donovan #4: "Evil blast we cannot use." (The three extra Miss Donovan's change into Piper, Phoebe and Paige.) Piper, Phoebe, Paige: "The power of three now lights the fuse." (The Sorcerer is engulfed in flames. He screams and disappears.) Piper: Nicely done. Paige: What about Drake? (Drake appears.) Drake: Ow, that's hot! That's not gonna... Phoebe: Drake. Drake: You saved me? Phoebe: Of course. What would you expect from Maid Marian? Paige: And your Merry Men. Piper: Women. Miss Donovan: Excuse me? Do you mind? (Paige goes over to Miss Donovan.) Phoebe: That was interesting, huh? Piper: I guess. I just can't believe we're back in the Underworld, back vanquishing demons again. (Paige is having trouble getting the chains off Miss Donovan.) Drake: I don't know. After all, it is pretty romantic, isn't it? Piper: You've gotta be kidding. Drake: No, not at all. (Drake clicks his fingers and Miss Donovan is freed from the chains.) Most of the world's greatest lovers were brought together during a time of epic conflict. Most of them were doomed, but they did find the romance in it. So why can't you? [Scene: Police Station. Darryl and Sheridan are there. Sheridan is looking at the front page of the paper. It reads "Ask Phoebe A Hero".] Sheridan: Hey. Thought you might want to see this. Darryl: A hero. Now, aren't you glad you didn't arrest her? Sheridan: Oh, I don't know. She didn't help us get the guy. Darryl: She didn't promise to. She promised to help. Sheridan: Yeah, but still, don't you think it's just a little weird? I mean, she goes inside, the perp gets away, but yet there's no trail to follow, no leads. I mean, it's almost as though he just disappeared. Darryl: We'll get him. Good night, Sheridan. [Scene: Magic School. Paige walks into the library. Drake is there wearing suit.] Paige: Oh, you look great in all your teacher-ness. Drake: Oh, that little old thing? Paige: Okay, well, I've brought you your class schedule and your student roster. And I have assigned you a TA. Miss Donovan. Drake: She's not sore for being passed over? Paige: She got freaked out by what happened. She did want to run back to the library, but I've talked her into helping you out in the class. Drake: I guess it's all for the best. Someone's gotta take over. Paige: What, are you planning on being absent a lot? Drake: In case it doesn't work out. We agreed it would be temporary at first. You may change your mind in a couple of weeks. I may need to move on. Paige: I will not change my mind, trust me. Anybody who can get though the thick skulls of my lovely sisters and I can definitely get though to those kids. Drake: Even though I'm a little crazy? Paige: Because you are a lot crazy. No, look, Magic School's protected. It's okay. Give it your best shot. (Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: Hey. Drake: Hey. Phoebe: I just came by to see the new professor. Paige: All right, well, I promised Piper and Leo that I'd babysit for them tonight. They're going out celebrating Valentine's Day. Drake: Finding a little romance? Paige: Thanks to you, yeah. Drake: Oh, I'm not done yet. Phoebe: Really? Paige: Okay, well, great, awkward moment for me. So I'll be going. There's a night class in five minutes. Don't forget. (Paige leaves.) Phoebe: So I thought you'd like to see tomorrow's newspaper. (She hands him the paper.) Looks like Prince John is gonna give back everything he stole. Guess he just needed to be reminded of his mortality. Drake: Works every time. Phoebe, there's something I have to tell you. The deal I made that made me human, that only lasts a year. At the end of it, I gotta die. (Phoebe giggles.) Phoebe: What...? Are you kidding? Drake: No. Uh-uh. But listen, it was well worth the sacrifice. Now all I want to do is pass on what I've learned about literature, about life and about love. Phoebe: How long do you have? Drake: Two weeks. Phoebe: I mean, can't we try to fix it? Drake: You can't. And you know what? It's all good. See you. (Drake walks away.)

As Paige begins interviewing possible teaching candidates to hire as Magic School's newest literature professor, one of the applicants is a reformed demon looking to start a new life doing good. However, it doesn't take long for a sorcerer to cast a spell and turn him into Robin Hood and Phoebe as one of his maidens and cause the mortal world to see the happenings of magical life. Meanwhile, Leo receives his punishment from the Elders for his betrayal, and Inspector Sheridan is back on the job and with no memory of what transpired between the sisters and Agent Brody.

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[Rebecca riding bus and then running into a school. Meets up with Melanie] Melanie: Why are you late? Rebecca: You're not going to like the answer. Melanie: I already know the answer. Rebecca: I missed the bus. Melanie: I don't doubt it, no bus stops near Brad's. You spent the night, the alarm didn't work. Or maybe it did. Rebecca: I didn't sleep with him. Melanie: Girl, there's...[Interrupted] Rebecca: I missed the bus! Melanie: There's something either very wrong with you, or there's something very wrong with him. Rebecca: There's nothing wrong with him. Melanie: Please tell me you know that for a fact. Rebecca: Melanie, I gotta go. Melanie: You're lying aren't you? Rebecca: I wouldn't lie to you. [Turns to class of 5 year olds] Good morning guys! Class: Good morning Miss Rebecca! Rebecca: Everybody's in their seats? Class: Yes! Rebecca: Ok, Sidney, why don't you tell us what you did this weekend. Come on, Sidney, we know you're not shy. Sidney: How come we always have to tell you what we did, and you never tell us what you did? Class: [giggles] Rebecca: Ok, I had a really great weekend, but you can't tell Miss Melanie, ok? Sidney: What did you do? Rebecca: I made a new friend. It's so much fun to make new friends, isn't it? Class: Yeah, Yes, etc. Girl 2: Did you tell you mom and dad about your new friend? Rebecca: Absolutely! You should never keep anything from your parents. And I told them [gibberish] Class: [giggles] Rebecca: Wh.. Class [more giggles] Rebecca: [gibberish] Class: [Laughs and giggles] [Rebecca goes to the board and starts writing] Class: C, A, T, H Sidney: "The." Boy: We know that word, "the." [Rebecca collapses, on the board the words "call the nurse" are written] (Evil commercials...bane of my existence!) [House and Wilson are walking through the hallway. All you can see is their hands and legs, showing that House is using a cane and limping. Wilson is the only one of the two wearing a lab coat.] Wilson: 29 year old female, first seizure one month ago, lost the ability to speak. Babbled like a baby. Present deterioration of mental status. House: See that? They all assume I'm a patient because of this cane. Wilson: So put on a white coat like the rest of us. House: I don't want them to think I'm a doctor. Wilson: You see where the administration might have a problem with that attitude. House: People don't want a sick doctor. Wilson: Fair enough. I don't like healthy patients. The 29 year old female... House: The one who can't talk, I liked that part. Wilson: She's my cousin. House: And your cousin doesn't like the diagnosis. I wouldn't either. Brain tumor, she's gonna die, boring. Wilson: No wonder you're such a renowned diagnostician. You don't need to actually know anything to figure out what's wrong. House: You're the oncologist; I'm just a lowly infectious disease guy. Wilson: Hah, yes, just a simple country doctor. Brain tumors at her age are highly unlikely. House: She's 29. Whatever she's got is highly unlikely. Wilson: Protein markers for the three most prevalent brain cancers came up negative. House: That's an HMO lab; you might as well have sent it to a high school kid with a chemistry set. Wilson: No family history. House: I thought your uncle died of cancer. Wilson: Other side. No environmental factors. House: That you know of. Wilson: And she's not responding to radiation treatment. House: None of which is even close to dispositive. All it does is raise one question. Your cousin goes to an HMO? Wilson: Come on! Why leave all the fun for the coroner? What's the point of putting together a team if you're not going to use them? You've got three overqualified doctors working for you. Getting bored. [Cut to Rebecca, into the nose, and up the blood stream. Cut to House looking through an MRI of Rebecca's head.] Foreman: It's a lesion. House: And the big green thing in the middle of the bigger blue thing on a map is an island. I was hoping for something a bit more creative. Foreman: Shouldn't we be speaking to the patient before we start diagnosing? House: Is she a doctor? Foreman: No, but... House: Everybody lies. Cameron: Dr. House doesn't like dealing with patients. Foreman: Isn't treating patients why we became doctors? House: No, treating illnesses is why we became doctors, treating patients is what makes most doctors miserable. Foreman: So you're trying to eliminate the humanity from the practice of medicine. House: If we don't talk to them they can't lie to us, and we can't lie to them. Humanity is overrated. I don't think it's a tumor. Foreman: First year of medical school if you hear hoof beats you think "horses" not "zebras". House: Are you in first year of medical school? No. First of all, there's nothing on the CAT scan. Second of all, if this is a horse then the kindly family doctor in Trenton makes the obvious diagnosis and it never gets near this office. Differential diagnosis, people: if it's not a tumor what are the suspects? Why couldn't she talk? Chase: Aneurysm, stroke, or some other ischemic syndrome. House: Get her a contrast MRI. Cameron: Creutzfeld-Jakob disease. Chase: Mad cow? House: Mad zebra. Foreman: Wernickie's encephalopathy? House: No, blood thiamine level was normal. Foreman: Lab in Trenton could have screwed up the blood test. I assume it's a corollary if people lie, that people screw up. House: Re-draw the blood tests. And get her scheduled for that contrast MRI ASAP. Let's find out what kind of zebra we're dealing with here. [Cut to House standing at the elevator, he sees Cuddy and presses the down button twice] Cuddy: I was expecting you in my office 20 minutes ago. House: Really? Well, that's odd, because I had no intention of being in your office 20 minutes ago. Cuddy: You think we have nothing to talk about? House: No, just that I can't think of anything that I'd be interested in. Cuddy: I sign your paychecks. House: I have tenure. Are you going to grab my cane now, stop me from leaving? Cuddy: That would be juvenile. [Both enter the elevator] Cuddy: I can still fire you if you're not doing your job. House: I'm here from 9 to 5. Cuddy: Your billings are practically nonexistent. House: Rough year. Cuddy: You ignore requests for consults. House: I call back. Sometimes I misdial. Cuddy: You're 6 years behind on your obligation to this clinic. House: See, I was right, this doesn't interest me. Cuddy: 6 years, times 3 weeks; you owe me better than 4 months. House: It's 5:00. I'm going home. Cuddy: To what? House: Nice. Cuddy: Look, Dr. House, the only reason that I don't fire you is because your reputation still worth something to this hospital. House: Excellent, we have a point of agreement. You aren't going to fire me. Cuddy: Your reputation won't last up if you don't do your job. The clinic is part of your job. I want you to do your job. House: Well, like the philosopher Jagger once said, "You can't always get what you want." [Scene of hospital from above, cut to hallway, Rebecca in wheelchair with Cameron, Chase, and Foreman around.] Rebecca: You're not my doctor. Are you Dr. House? Chase: Thankfully no. I'm Dr. Chase. Cameron: Dr. House is the head of diagnostic medicine. He's very busy, but he has taken a keen interest in your case. [Cut to MRI room, Rebecca is on the table] Foreman: We inject gadolinium into a vein. It distributes itself throughout your brain and acts as a contrast material for the magnetic resonance imagery. Cameron: Basically, whatever's in your head, lights up like a Christmas tree. Foreman: It might make you feel a little light-headed. Nurse: Dr. Cameron. I'm sorry I have to stop you, there's a problem. [Cut to House, busting into Cuddy's office] House: You pulled my authorization. Cuddy: Yes, why are you yelling? House: No MRIs, no imaging studies, no labs. Cuddy: You also can't make long distance phone calls. House: If you're gonna fire me at least have the guts to face me. Cuddy: Or photocopies; you're still yelling. House: I'm ANGRY! You're risking a patient's life. Cuddy: I assume those are two separate points. House: You showed me disrespect, you embarrassed me and as long as I'm still work here you have...[interrupted] Cuddy: Is your yelling designed to scare me because I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be scared of. More yelling? That's not scary. That you're gonna hurt me? That's scary, but I'm pretty sure I can outrun ya. Cuddy: Oh, I looked into that philosopher you quoted, Jagger, and you're right, "You can't always get what you want," but as it turns out "if you try sometimes you get what you need." House: So, because you want me to treat patients, you aren't letting me treat patients. Cuddy: I need you to do your job. [House comes out of Cuddy's office; Wilson and the ducklings are there] House: Do the MRI, she folded. [Ducklings leave, House turns to Wilson] I've gotta do four hours a week in this clinic until I make up the time I've missed. 2054. I'll be caught up in 2054. [He walks into the clinic] You better love this cousin a whole lot. [Cut back to MRI room Rebecca is back on the table. She is pushed into the machine.] Cameron: All right Rebecca, [over intercom] we know you may feel a little claustrophobic in there, but we need you to remain still. Chase: [over intercom] Ok, we're gonna begin. [Machine starts up and makes weird sounds] Rebecca: I don't feel so good. Chase: It's all right. Just try to relax. [Rebecca starts choking. Cool shot of inside her throat. You can see that it closes up] Cameron: Rebecca? [over intercom] Rebecca? [back in booth] Rebecca! Get her out of there. Chase: Ah she probably fell asleep; she's exhausted. Cameron: She was claustrophobic 30 seconds ago, she's not sleeping. We gotta get her out of there! Chase: It'll just be another minute. Cameron: She's having an allergic reaction to gadolinium. She'll be dead in two minutes. Foreman: Hold her neck. Cameron: Oh, she's ashen. Foreman: She's not breathing. Epi point five. Cameron: Come on, I can't ventilate. Foreman: Too much edema, where's the surgical airway kit? Chase: Yep, coming. [Cool cutting into Rebecca's neck sounds, and real colored blood for a change. They get her bagged.] Chase: Good call. (And we're back to commercials...blah...) [Cut into hospital room, next day. Rebecca has a ventilator hooked up to her, and the ducklings are present] Chase: We'll get that tube out of your throat later today. Cameron: Just get some rest for now. [They leave to hallway, House is there.] House: Told you, can't trust people. Cameron: She probably knew she was allergic to gadolinium, figured it was an easy way to get someone to cut a hole in her throat. House: Can't get a picture, gonna have to get a thousand words. Foreman: You actually want me to talk to the patient? Get a history? House: We need to know if there's some genetic or environmental causes triggering an inflammatory response. Foreman: I thought everybody lied? House: Truth begins in lies. Think about it. Foreman: That doesn't mean anything,does it? [House walks away] [House enters the clinic...dun dun dun!] House: 12:52 PM Dr. House checks in, please write that down. Do you have cable TV here somewhere? General Hospital starts in 8 minutes. Cuddy: No TV, but we've got patients. House: Can't you give out the aspirin yourself? I'll do paperwork. Cuddy: I made sure your first case was an interesting one. House: Cough just won't go away, runny nose looks a funny color. Cuddy: Patient admitted complaining of back spasms. House: I think I read about something like that in the New England Journal of Medicine. Cuddy: Patient is orange. House: The color? Cuddy: No, the fruit. House: You mean yellow; it's jaundice. Cuddy: I mean orange. House: Well, how orange? Cuddy: Exam room 1. [Cut to House in exam room 1 with Orange Guy] Orange Guy: I was playing golf and my cleat got stuck. I mean, it hurt a little but I kept playing. The next morning I could barely stand up. Well, you're smiling so I take it that means this isn't serious. [House takes out his pills] Orange Guy: What's that? What are you doing? House: Painkillers. Orange Guy: Oh, for you, for your leg. House: No, 'cause they're yummy. You want one? It'll make your back feel better. [Guy nods and House gives him a painkiller] House: Unfortunately, you have a deeper problem. Your wife is having an affair. Orange Guy: What?! House: You're orange, you moron! It's one thing for you not to notice, but if your wife hasn't picked up on the fact that her husband has changed color, she's just not paying attention. By the way, do you consume just a ridiculous amount of carrots and mega-dose vitamins? [Guy nods] House: The carrots turn you yellow, the niacin turns you red. Get some finger-paints and do the math. And get a good lawyer. [House leaves the room] [Cut to House in another exam room, this time with a little boy] House: Deep breath. Little boy: It's cold. House: Has he been using his inhaler? Mother: Not in the past few days. He's, um, only ten. I worry about children taking such strong medicine so frequently. Little boy: What happened to your leg? [After saying this the little boy starts to wheeze a little, and continues throughout the entire time that House is talking.] House: Your doctor probably was concerned about the strength of the medicine, too. She probably weighed that danger against the danger of not breathing. Oxygen is so important during those prepubescent years, don't you think? Ok, I'm gonna assume that no body's ever told you what asthma is, or if they have, you had other things on your mind. A stimulant triggers cells in your child's airways to release substances that inflame the air passages and cause them to contract. Mucus production increases, cell-lining starts to shed. But the steroids, the steroids...stop the inflammation. The more often this happens...[trails off and starts to leave the room] Mother: What? "The more often this happens..."what?" House: Forget it. If you don't trust steroids, you shouldn't trust doctors. [House leaves] [Cut to Rebecca's room] Rebecca: My mother passed away three years ago. She had a heart attack, and my father broke his back doing construction. [Cameron's pager goes off] Cameron: It's House, it's urgent. I'm sorry. [They go outside the room and see House waiting for them there] Cameron: You couldn't have knocked? House: Steroids. Give her steroids, high doses of prednisone. Foreman: You're looking for support for a diagnosis of cerebral vasculitus. Cameron: Inflammation of the blood vessels in the brain is awfully rare. Especially for someone her age. House: So is a tumor. Her SED rate was elevated. Foreman: Mildly. Cameron: That could mean anything, or nothing. House: Yeah, I know. I have no reason to think that it's vasculitus except that it could be. If the blood vessels were inflamed that's gonna look exactly like what we saw on the MRI from Trenton County, and the pressure's gonna cause neurological symptoms. Cameron: You can't diagnose that without a biopsy. House: Yes, we can, we treat it. If she gets better we know that we're right. Cameron: And if we're wrong? House: We learn something else. [Cut to overview of hospital, and then back into Rebecca's room] Rebecca: Why steroids? Chase: Just part of your treatment. You haven't had many visitors. No boyfriend? Rebecca: Three dates. I wouldn't have stood by him if her were vomiting all day. Chase: Well, what abut work? You must have friends from work. Rebecca: Pretty much everybody I like is 5 years old. A nurse said you're stopping my radiation. Chase: We're just trying some alternative medications. So, where's your family from then? Rebecca: Steroids aren't an alternative to radiation. Chase: The tests weren't really conclusive. Cameron: We're treating you for vasculitus, it's the inflammation of blood vessels in the brain. Rebecca: It's not a tumor? I don't have a tumor? [Cut to hallway with Cameron and Chase] Chase: You should have told her the truth. It's a long shot guess. Cameron: [to nurse] Thank you. [To Chase] If House is right, no harm, if he's wrong we've given a dying woman a couple days hope. Chase: False hope. Cameron: If there was any other type available I would have given her that. [Cut to classroom where Foreman is smelling the floor] Sidney: Why are you smelling Billy's pants? Foreman: I'm not. Sidney: Looked like you were. Foreman: I was smelling the floor. Sidney: Oh. Foreman: Do you have any pets in this class? Sidney: No, but we used to have a gerbil, but Carly L. dropped a book on it. Foreman: Careless. Sidney: Do you need to smell it? Foreman: No, I'm smelling for mold. I don't need to smell it. Sidney: You can smell our parrot. Foreman: You said you didn't have any pets in this class. Sidney: A parrot is a bird. [Cut to House and Foreman eating lunch with some Soap on the TV that has House's attention more than Foreman does] Foreman: Parrots are the primary source of psitticosis. House: It's not the parrot. Foreman: Psitticosis can lead to nerve problems and neurological complications. House: How many kids were there in the class? Foreman: 20. House: How many are home sick? Foreman: None, but... House: None, but you think that 5 year olds are more serious about bird hygiene than their teacher. You've been through her home? Foreman: She lives in Trenton. I can go up to her room tomorrow morning and ask her for the key. House: Would the police call for permission before dropping by to check out a crime scene? Foreman: It's not a crime scene. House: Far as I know she's running a Meth Lab out of her basement. Foreman: She's a kindergarten teacher! House: And if I was a Kindergarten student I would trust her implicitly. [Sigh] Ok, I'll give you a for instance. The lady back there, who made your egg-salad sandwich. Her eyes look glassy, did you notice that? Now hospital policy is to stay home if you're sick, but if you're making $8.00 an hour, then ya kinda need the $8.00 an hour right? The sign in the bathroom says that employees must wash after using the facilities, but I figure that somebody who wipes snot on a sleeve isn't hyper concerned about sanitary conditions. So what do ya think? Should I trust her? I want you to check the patient's home for contaminants, garbage, medication...[interrupted] Foreman: Whoa, oh, I can't just break into someone's house. House: Isn't that how you got into the Felker's home? [pause] Yeah, I know, court records are sealed, you were 16, it was a stupid mistake, but your old gym teacher has a big mouth. You should write a thank you note. Foreman: I should thank him? House: Well, I needed somebody around here with street smarts. Ok? Knows when you're being conned, knows how to con. Foreman: I should sue you! House: I'm pretty sure you can't sue somebody for wrongful hiring. Foreman: But I'm pretty sure I can sue if you fire me for not breaking into some lady's house. [Foreman eats the rest of the sandwich] [Cut to House sitting and reading "Spring's hottest people' Magazine, Cuddy walks in] House: I'm doing research. People are fascinating aren't they? Cuddy: Why are you giving Adler steroids? House: Well, she's my patient that's what you do with patients. You give them medicine. Cuddy: You don't prescribe medicine based on guesses. At least we don't since Tuskeegee and Mengele. House: You're comparing me to a Nazi? Nice. Cuddy: I'm stopping the treatment. House: She's my patient. Cuddy: It's my hospital. House: I did not get her sick, she is not an experiment, I have a legitimate theory about what's wrong with her. Cuddy: With no proof. House: There's never any proof. 5 different doctors come up with 5 different diagnoses based on the same evidence. Cuddy: You don't have any evidence. And nobody knows anything huh? Then how is it that you always assume you're right? House: I don't, I just find it hard to operate on the opposite assumption. And why are you so afraid of making a mistake? Cuddy: Because I'm a doctor. Because when we make mistakes people die. [She walks off up the stairs] House: Come on. [House thinks about going up the stairs, but decides against it] House: People used to have more respect for cripples you know! [Turns to a guy in a wheelchair] They didn't really. [Cut to Cuddy entering Rebecca's room. Rebecca is eating voraciously.] Cuddy; So, how ya feeling? Rebecca: Much better, thanks. Are you Dr. House? I thought he was a he, but...? Cuddy: No. Don't eat too much too fast. Rebecca: Thank him for me. Cuddy: Right. [Cuddy exits the room, and House is standing there, Cuddy is a bit surprised by him standing there.] House: Should I discontinue the treatment, boss? Cuddy: You got lucky. [She walks off] House: Cool, huh? [Cut to the outside of the hospital, and back into Rebecca's room, it's now night and Wilson is there] Wilson: Ok, once again. [Rebecca takes a deep breath] Wilson: Good. Rebecca: Am I ever gonna meet Dr. House? Wilson: [scoffs] Well, you might run into him at the movies or on the bus. Rebecca: Is he a good man? Wilson: He's a good doctor. Rebecca: Can you be one without the other? Don't you have to care about people? Wilson: Caring's a good motivator. He's found something else. [Has Rebecca grab his hands] Feel this? Rebecca: umhmm Wilson: How about this? Rebecca: umhmm Wilson: Ok squeeze. [Pause] Harder. All right. Rebecca: He's your friend, huh? Wilson: Yeah. Rebecca: Does he care about you? Wilson: I think so. Rebecca: You don't know? Wilson: As Dr. House likes to say, "Everybody lies." Rebecca: It's not what people say, it's what they do. Wilson: [Pause] Yes, he cares about me. Rebecca: I can't see. [Pause] I can't see. [She starts having a seizure and monitors go crazy] Wilson: A little help in here! [Flat line on the heart monitor] (Commercial, again, evil!) [Cut back to Rebecca's room, daytime, she has an oxygen mask on. Foreman is there] Foreman: Your chest will be sore for a while. We needed to shock you to get your heart going. Ok. [He lays a bunch of cards with pictures on them in front of Rebecca] Can you arrange these to tell a story? [cut to pictures and then to House's office] Foreman: She couldn't put them in order. Chase: Could the damage have been caused by a lack of oxygen during her seizure? Foreman: No, I gave her the same test 5 minutes later and she did just fine. The altered mental status is intermittent, just like the verbal skills. Cameron: So, what now? Foreman: Given the latest symptoms it's clearly growing deeper into the brain stem. Soon she won't be able to walk, she'll go blind permanently, and then the respiratory center will fail. House: How long do we have? Foreman: If it's a tumor we're talking a month, maybe two, if it's infectious a few weeks, if it's vascular that'll probably be fastest of all, maybe a week. House: We're gonna stop all treatment. [House gets up and walks over to the drinks.] Foreman: I still think it's a tumor. I think we should go back to the radiation. Chase: She didn't respond to the radiation. Foreman: Well, maybe we didn't see the effects until we started steroids. House: No, it's not a tumor. The steroids did something, I just don't know what. Foreman: So we're just gonna do nothing? We're just gonna watch her die? House: Yeah, we're gonna watch her die. Specifically we're gonna watch how fast she's dying. You just told us, each diagnosis has its own timeframe. When we see how fast it's killing her we'll know what it is. Cameron: And by then maybe there's nothing we can do about it. Foreman: There's go to be something we can do, something better than watching her die. House: Well, I got nothing. How 'bout you? [Cut to hallway, Foreman and Cameron exit the office] Foreman: b*st*rd. [Turns to Cameron] Oh, Cameron, I need you for a couple of hours. Cameron: What's up? Foreman: When you break into someone's house; it's always better to have a white chick with you. Cameron: Adler's house? Why don't we just ask her for a key? Foreman: For all we know she could be running a meth lab out of her basement. [Cut to clinic and House is with a patient, a guy] Guy: I'm tired a lot. House: Any other reason you think you may have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? Guy: It's kinda the definition isn't it? House: It's kinda the definition of getting older. Guy: I had a couple headaches last month, mild fever, sometimes I can't sleep, and I have trouble concentrating. House: Apparently not while researching this stuff on the internet. Guy: I was thinking it also might be fibromyalgia. House: [Looks contemplative, and then serious] Excellent diagnosis [sarcastic]! Guy: Is there anything for that? House: [heavy sigh] Ya know, I think there just might be. [House goes out of the room, and to the dispensary.] House: I need 36 Vicodin, and change for a dollar. Nurse: (jumbled, I can't tell) [House gets his change and goes to a candy machine. He gets white candies out of the machine, and goes back to the counter. There he takes the Vicodin and slips them into his pocket, exchanging them for the candy.] House: Exam room 2. [Places the bottle back on the counter.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Cut to Cameron and Foreman in Rebecca's house] Cameron: House doesn't believe in pretense. Figures life's too short and too painful. So he just says what he thinks. Foreman: Nothing interesting in the garbage. "I say what I think" is just another way of saying "I'm an ass." Cameron: Well, if you wanted to be judged on your medical prowess only, maybe you shouldn't have broken into someone's home. Foreman: I was 16! Don't know about ticks, but her dog's definitely got fleas. Cameron: I managed to make it to 17 without a criminal record. [Foreman is in the fridge, and takes out some ham and mustard] Foreman: Yeah? Well you obviously didn't grow up in my neighborhood. Cameron: That's right. You stole a loaf of bread to feed your starving family right? You always eat during break-ins? Foreman: Am I supposed to respect their food more than I respect their DVD players? You want some? Cameron: No. Foreman: You gonna go hungry until she dies? Cameron: No. Foreman: You know what, after centuries of oppression, decades of civil rights marches, and more significantly living like a monk, never getting less than a 4.0 GPA, you don't think it's kind of disgusting I get one of the top jobs in the country because I'm a delinquent? We'll eat, then we'll tear up the carpet. Cameron: You went to Hopkins right? Foreman: Yep. Cameron: So, you went to a better school than I did, got better grades than I did. Foreman: So how'd you get the job? Did you stab a guy in a bar fight? [Off Cameron's face, a little disturbed] [Cut to the hospital exterior, daytime, then into House's office again] Foreman: Nothing. House: It's not a tumor; she's getting worse too fast. She can't stand up. Wilson: No toxins, no medication? Foreman: Nothing that would explain these symptoms. Wilson: Family history of neurological problems? Foreman: Not that I could tell from her underwear drawer. House: You said nothing that would explain these symptoms. What did you find that doesn't explain these symptoms? Foreman: Dr. Wilson convinced you to treat this patient under false pretenses. Adler's not his cousin. Wilson: That's ridiculous. You can ask her yourself. Can we get back to... [interrupted] Foreman: She's not Jewish! Wilson: Rachel Adler's not Jewish? Foreman: I had ham at her apartment! Wilson: [chuckles] Dr. Foreman, a lot of Jews have non-Jewish relatives, and most of us don't keep kosher. I can see getting through high school without learning a thing about Jews, but medical school... Foreman: Ok, maybe she's Jewish, but she's definitely not your cousin. Wilson: Really? This guy's...he... Foreman: You don't even know her name! You called her Rachel; her name is Rebecca! Wilson: Yes, yes, her name is Rebecca. I call her Rachel. [While this is going on House is very quiet and you can almost see that he is putting things together} House: You idiot! Wilson: Hey...listen... House: Not you, him! You said you didn't find anything. Foreman: Everything I found was in [interrupted] House: You found ham. Foreman: So? House: Where there's ham there's pork, where there's pork there's neurocysticercosis. Chase: Tapeworm?! You think she's got a worm in her brain? House: It fits. Could have been living there for years, it never occurred to me [interrupted] Cameron: Millions of people eat ham every day. It's quite a leap to think that she's got a tapeworm. House: OK, Mr. Neurologist. What happens when you give steroids to a person who has a tapeworm? Foreman: They, they get a little better and then they get worse. Wilson: Just like Rebecca Adler did. [Cut out and then in again, House has a book and lays it on the table, open to a page on tapeworms] House: In a typical case if you don't cook pork well enough you ingest live tapeworm larvae. They got these little hooks they grab onto your bowel, they live, they grow up, they reproduce. Chase: Reproduce? There's only got one lesion, and it's nowhere near her bowel. House: That's because this is not a typical case. Tapeworm can produce 20 to 30,000 eggs a day. Guess where they go. Foreman: Out. House: Not all of them. Unlike the larvae, the egg can pass right through the walls of the intestines and into the blood stream. And where does the blood stream go? Cameron: Everywhere. House: As long as it's healthy the immune system doesn't even know it's there. The worm builds a wall, uses secretions to shut down the body's immune response and control fluid flow. It's really kinda beautiful. Foreman: As long as it's healthy, so what do we do? Call a vet and nurse the little guy back to health? House: It's too late for that. It's dying, and as it dies this parasite loses the ability to control of the host's defenses. The immune system wakes up and attacks the worm and everything starts to swell, and that is very bad for the brain. Wilson: It could still be a hundred other things. The eosinophil count was normal. Chase: It's only abnormal in 30% of cases. Wilson: Proving nothing. House: No, no, no, no, you see, it fits, it's perfect! It explains everything. Wilson: But it proves nothing. House: I can prove it by treating it. Wilson: No, you can't. I was just with her, she doesn't want any more treatments, she doesn't want any more experiments, she wants to go home and die. (Commercials! Gah! I wish commercials would go home and die!) [Cut back into Rebecca's room, it's nighttime and House enters] House: [To nurse] Will you excuse us, please? [Nurse leaves] House: I'm Dr. House. Rebecca: It's good to meet you. House: You're being an idiot. Ahem. [Pause] You have a tapeworm in your brain, it's not pleasant, but if we don't do anything you'll be dead by the weekend. Rebecca: Have you actually seen the worm? House: When you're all better I'll show you my diplomas. Rebecca: You were sure I had vasculitus too. Now I can't walk and I'm wearing a diaper. What's this treatment gonna do for me? House: I'm not talking about a treatment; I'm talking about a cure. But because I might be wrong, you want to die. Rebecca: What made you a cripple? House: I had an infarction. Rebecca: A heart attack? House: It's what happens when the blood flow is obstructed. If it's in the heart it's a heart attack. If it's in the lungs it's a pulmonary embolism. If it's in the brain it's a stroke. I had it in my thigh muscles. Rebecca: Wasn't there something they could do? House: There was plenty they could do, if they made the right diagnosis, but the only symptom was pain. Not may people get to experience muscle death. Rebecca: Did you think you were dying? House: I hoped I was dying. Rebecca: So you hide in your office, refuse to see patients because you don't like the way people look at you. You feel cheated by life so now you're gonna get even with the world. You want me to fight this. Why? What makes you think I'm so much better than you? House: When you're scared, you'll turn into me. Rebecca: I just want to die with a little dignity. House: There's no such thing! Our bodies break down, sometimes when we're 90, sometimes before we're even born, but it always happens and there's never any dignity in it. I don't care if you can walk, see, wipe your own ass. It's always ugly, always. [Pause] You can live with dignity, we can't die with it. [Cut to hallway, outside the room, looks like daytime, but it could be the lights in the hospital.] House: No treatment. Foreman: Maybe we can get a court order, override her wishes. Claim she doesn't have the capacity to make this decision. House: But she does. Cameron: But we could claim that the illness made her mentally incompetent. Foreman: Pretty common result. House: That didn't happen here. Wilson: He's not gonna do it. She's not just a file to him anymore. He respects her. Cameron: So because you respect her, you're going to let her die? House: I solved the case, my work is done. [House starts to walk away] House: Patients always want proof, we're not making cars here, we don't give guarantees. [House continues walking, Off Chase] Chase: I think we can prove it's a worm. It's noninvasive, it's safe. I'm not completely sure but...[interrupted] House: Yeah, yeah, yeah what's the damn idea? Chase: Have you ever seen a worm under an x-ray, a regular old no contrast 100-year-old technology x-ray? They light up like shotgun pellets. Just like on a contrast MRI. Foreman: Which is the same thing as a CT scan, which we did, which proved nothing. House: Worm cysts is the same density as the cerebrospinal fluid, we're not going to see anything in her head, but Chase is right, he's right, we should x-ray her, but we don't x-ray her brain, we x-ray her leg, worms love thigh muscle. If she's got one in her head I guarantee you there's one in her leg. [Cut to x-ray table, Rebecca is on it, and they focus on her leg, x-ray is taken.] Chase: Hold still, Rebecca. [...And the worm shows up. Cut to Rebecca's hospital room, day.] Chase: This here is a worm larva. [Chase pointing to x-ray of her leg] Rebecca: So, if it's in my leg, it's in my brain? Chase: Are you looking for a guarantee? It's there, probably been there 6 to 10 years. Rebecca: Could I have more? Chase: Probably. It's good news. Rebecca: What do we do now? Chase: Now we get you better. Albendazole. [Hands her a cup with two pills in it.] Rebecca: Two pills? Chase: Yeah, every day for at least a month with a meal. Rebecca: Two pills? Chase: Yeah, possible side effects include abdominal pain, nausea, headache, dizziness, fever, and hair loss. We'll probably make you keep taking the pills even if you get every one of those. [Rebecca smirks, and then downs the pills] [Cut to House's office, day. Cameron's there waiting as House enters.] Cameron: Why did you hire me? House: Does it matter? Cameron: Kinda hard to work for a guy who doesn't respect you. House: Why? Cameron: Is that rhetorical? House: No, it just seems that way because you can't think of an answer. Does it make a difference why I think I'm a jerk? The only thing that matters is what you think. Can you do the job? Cameron: You hired a black guy because he had a juvenile record. House: No, it wasn't a racial thing, I didn't see a black guy. I just saw a doctor...with a juvenile record. I hired Chase 'cause his dad made a phone call. I hired you because you are extremely pretty. Cameron: You hired me to get into my pants?! House: I can't believe that that would shock you. It's also not what I said. No, I hired you because you look good; it's like having a nice piece of art in the lobby. Cameron: I was in the top of my class. House: But not THE top. Cameron: I did an internship at the Mayo Clinic. House: Yes, you were a very good applicant. Cameron: But not the best? House: Would that upset you, really, to think that you were hired because of some genetic gift of beauty not some genetic gift of intelligence? Cameron: I worked very hard to get where I am. House: But you didn't have to. People choose the paths that gain them the greatest rewards for the least amount of effort. That's a law of nature, and you defied it. That's why I hired you. You could have married rich, could have been a model, you could have just shown up and people would have given you stuff. Lots of stuff, but you didn't, you worked your stunning little ass off. Cameron: Am I supposed to be flattered? House: Gorgeous women do not go to medical school. Unless they're as damaged as they are beautiful. Were you abused by a family member? Cameron: No! House: Sexually assaulted? Cameron: No. House: But you are damaged, aren't you? [Cameron hesitates, and in that moment her pager goes off] Cameron: I have to go. [She leaves, cut to orange guy (not so orange now) in with Cuddy] Orange guy: I followed her. I couldn't stop thinking about what that doctor said. Cuddy: I told you not to listen to him, he's an idiot. Orange guy: I was ORANGE. Cuddy: I don't want to know what you found out. Orange guy: You don't care? Cuddy: I'm your doctor, you've been good to me and good to this hospital, of course I care, but I don't see how this conversation can end well for me. Either your wife is having an affair, or she's not having an affair and you have come here because you rightly think I should fire him, but I can't even if it cost me your money, the son of a bitch is the best doctor we have. [Cut to his finger, now missing his ring] [Cut to Rebecca's room, Chase enters] Chase: Feeling any better? Rebecca: I can't complain. Chase: As you know the hospital has certain rules, and as you also know we tend to ignore them, but I think this one's gonna be a little obvious unless we get your help. [Cameron enters with Rebecca's class] Cameron: If anyone asks, you have 11 daughters and 5 sons. Rebecca: Hi, you guys! Class: Hi! Rebecca: Come here! [They gather around her bed and present her with a card.] Rebecca: It's so good to see you guys! I missed you! Is this for me? [Rebecca opens it and inside it says "Miss Rebecca we're glad you're not dead"] Rebecca: Oh, I love you guys. [To Chase and Cameron] I wanted to thank Dr. House, but he never visited again. Cameron: He cured you, you didn't cure him. Rebecca: [Talking to class] Ok, I want a hug and a kiss from every single one of you. Get up here right now! Class: [Giggles, and laughs] [They get up on the bed with Rebecca] [Cut to House watching General Hospital (I assume)] Female Dr. on mini TV: There. Male Dr on mini TV: Hold on. Female Dr. on mini TV: She's converted. House: You said she was your cousin. Why would you lie? Wilson: It got you to take the case. House: You lied to a friend to save a stranger, you don't think that's screwed up? Wilson: You've never lied to me? House: I NEVER lie. Wilson: Oh, really. Male Dr on mini TV: Why do we do this? Female Dr. on mini TV: Because we're doctors, when we make mistakes people die. [House gets a great little smirk here, re: Cuddy using the same line earlier] [Knock on the door] Nurse: Dr. House? You have a patient. [Nurse pulls the blinds away to reveal the guy that House gave the candy pills to.] Nurse: He says he needs a refill. House: Got change for a dollar? [Cut to outside the hospital and aerial view of the campus.] Singing: "No, you can't always get what you want." "You can't always get what you want."

Rebecca Adler (Robin Tunney), a 29-year-old kindergarten teacher, becomes dysphasic and collapses in her classroom. Dr. Gregory House initially refuses the case until Dr. James Wilson tells him that Rebecca is his cousin. When Dr. Lisa Cuddy tries to make House fulfill his clinical duties, he refuses but is forced to do them when his authorization to the MRI is revoked. He diagnoses Rebecca with cerebral vasculitis and her condition improves with treatment. To find the source of Rebecca's seizures, House convinces Dr. Eric Foreman to break into Rebecca's house. At the hospital, Rebecca suddenly loses her vision and suffers another seizure. Foreman discovers ham at Rebecca's house, revealing both Wilson's lie (Wilson is Jewish and the presence of ham indicates Rebecca is not, thereby suggesting the two are not related) and the cause of the seizure-tapeworms (namely, a tapeworm larva embedded in her brain). When Rebecca refuses treatment, House persuades her otherwise by proving her condition with a non-invasive X-ray suggested by Dr. Robert Chase, which depicts a tapeworm larva embedded in her leg, supporting their diagnosis. Final diagnosis: Neurocysticercosis

fd_Frasier_04x03

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Act One Scene One - A Seedy Motel Room. Frasier is lying in bed, asleep, in the motel room. He awakens and finds that he has a tattoo on his arm that reads "Chesty." There is a half-empty bottle of tequila on a table across from the bed. A shower is running, but then stops suddenly. Frasier props himself up on some pillows and folds him arms behind his head, expectantly. Out from the bathroom steps Gil Chesterton - wearing only a towel. Gil: Well, look who's up! SMASH CUT TO: Frasier sits up in bed - his own bed. The previous scene had been a dream - or a nightmare, considering Frasier's panic-stricken reaction. [SCENE_BREAK] WHY GIL? WHY NOW? Scene Two - KACL. Frasier is listening to a young male caller, Jimmy. Jimmy: [v.o.] So it's my parents. I don't know, they're just like, really stupid. Frasier: [bored] May I ask how old you are? Jimmy: Fourteen. Frasier: Well, hang on, Jimmy. Your parents are going to be stupid for another seven years. Jimmy: Whoa! Seven years? That's like, longer than I'll be in high school! Frasier: I salute your optimism. [disconnects] We'll be right back after this. He goes off air as Roz enters his booth. Frasier: Oh god, Roz. A teenager who's embarrassed by his parents? I mean, please. Can't you come up with something a little more challenging for me? Roz: Well, it was either him or our old pal, Rudy the Crier. Frasier: Oh, Rudy the Crier. Oh God. He's been on three times in the last month. You put him on again, he won't be the only one who's crying. God, I'm in a dry spell. Where are the souls in genuine torment? The people teetering on the brink of genuine despair? Roz: Oh, they'll be back. The holidays are just around the corner. Frasier: Well, perhaps you're right. Oh, Roz, I've got a question I'd like to ask you. Roz: Shoot. Frasier: Have you ever had a recurring dream of an intimate nature about someone... oh, a... well, a co-worker? Roz: [disgusted] Oh, no. Why'd you tell me? Frasier: Oh, Roz! Roz: Oh, now it's gonna be creepy everytime you look at me through the glass! Frasier: Roz, not you! Roz: [intrigued] So who is it then? Frasier: Oh, I'm not going to go into the specifics. Roz: Gina in accounting? Frasier: Look, I'm not gonna do this! Roz: Sheila, the slow intern? Frasier: Forget I even mentioned it. Gil enters. He's hiding something behind his back. Gil: Knock knock... Frasier: [suddenly nervous] Gil? [Roz eyes Frasier suspiciously] Gil: Frasier, I've come to tempt you. Frasier: [scared] Really? Gil: I'm reviewing the new pastry chef at Chez Shea. [reveals an eclair] And I quote: "His amaretto eclair is so sinful, it will send you scurrying to your local padre for absolution." Frasier: Uh... no, thank you, Gil. I'm on a diet. Gil: Oh, come now! You know you want it... Frasier: [jumping up] Oh, no no no... I really don't! [shoos Gil out the door] Off you go. Bye-bye. Roz: [excited] Oh, my god! Frasier: What? Roz: It was Gil! Frasier: I never said that! Roz: Then why are you blushing? Frasier: Oh, don't be ridiculous! Roz: Your ears are turning bright red! Frasier: I am not blushing! Roz: You are! Gil then knocks on one of the windows. As they look at him he takes a big bite out of the eclair. Frasier hurriedly closes the blinds as Roz laughs. Frasier: Still not blushing! The scene DISSOLVES to another caller - Rudy the Crier. Rudy: [v.o.] ...just lying there in the hospital bed. She lifted her head off the pillow, looked up and said, "I love you," and then she was gone. [cries] Frasier: Rudy, stop crying. We've gone over this before. What was our agreement about sad movies? Rudy: I shouldn't watch them. [cries] Frasier: Exactly. Now go get a cool washcloth and try to bring down the puffiness around your eyes. Please... stay away from sad or depressing things... which, at this moment, includes listening to the Dr. Frasier Crane Show. [disconnects] Well, let's shoot it to the news. That's it for today. This is Dr. Frasier Crane. [he goes off air and Roz enters] Oh, my God! Well, close the record books. That was just the dullest three hours in the history of the Frasier Crane Show! Roz: Oh, come on. It wasn't so bad. What about that woman who was so concerned about her appearance she wouldn't leave the house? Frasier: That was a commercial! I believe Miss Clairol solved the problem! Well, I'll see you tomorrow. [he moves to exit, then turns back] Oh! Oh, Roz... about that dream I mentioned to you earlier... uh... this goes without saying, but I'd rather you didn't share that with anyone else. Roz: Oh, sure. Betty: [passing by] Hi, dreamboy! Frasier: [to Roz] I hate you! Couldn't keep your big mouth shut, could you? Just exactly when did you find the time to spread the news? Roz: You don't think I was listening to your show, do you? Bulldog enters. Bulldog: Comin' through! Oh, Doc... I got to rub this one in a little... Frasier: All right, look, Bulldog... before you start to ridicule me, yes, yes I had a dream about Gil. And yes, it had some erotic elements, but... [notices Bulldog's surprised expression] You have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about, do you? Bulldog: I do now! Whoa! [laughs] Frasier: Look, let's just forget it. What delightful little jibe did you have prepared for me? Bulldog: Oh, I was gonna tell you your show today just broke the snooze meter, but now I want to hear about you greasin' Gil's cookie sheet! [honks horn] Frasier: I'm on a bus to Hell. [SCENE_BREAK] PSYCHIATRIST...CRANE... FRASIER...NILES...IDIOTS Scene Three - Cafe Nervosa. Frasier and Niles are standing at the counter. Niles is relaying a story to a bored Frasier. Niles: So I returned to the dry-cleaners yet a third time. I hardly need to tell you how the story ends. Frasier: Just tell me when the story ends. Niles: [miffed] Fine. They realigned my pleats, The End. Frasier: Sorry, Niles. [they get their coffees and sit at a nearby table] I'm just a bit distracted today. You see, this morning, a... a man from my building approached me with a very intriguing problem. It seems he's been having a recurring dream. Niles: Oh, please. That little gambit didn't work when we were in knee socks. What was your dream, Frasier? Frasier: Oh, all right! It's been tormenting me. I haven't been able to sleep in weeks now. It's a bit hazy but... it starts out in a seedy motel room. I'm naked. Niles: Interesting. Frasier: Yes, well... I roll over and discover on my forearm a tattoo: the word "Chesty." Niles: Interesting. Frasier: Then the shower turns off and out from the bathroom steps... a man. [pause] All right, go ahead, let me have it! Niles: Are you saying that now, or is that a quote from the dream? Frasier: [annoyed] Please? We're both too intelligent to waste time on the obvious interpretation. Niles: Yes. But you must admit, it's rather intriguing. [chuckles] Frasier: Would you stop? It's obviously screaming for a Jungian interpretation. The sexuality in the dream is surely symbolic of some deeper, non-sexual conflict. Niles: All right. Gil approaches the table with a smug grin on his face. Gil: Good afternoon, Frasier. Frasier: Gil. Gil: A little birdie tells me I was featured in your midnight movie. Frasier: That's very clever. Off you go. Gil: Very well. I'll see you tomorrow. Or should I say, "See you in your dreams"? [exits] Niles: In this dream of yours, were there any cigars, bananas or short, blunt swords? Frasier: Would you stop it?! I'm 43 - a little late for latency. Rebecca, the waitress, comes over. Rebecca: You guys okay over here? Niles: Oh, we're fine. Frasier: [flirting] Well... you must be new here. I surely would have remembered such a pretty face as yours. Niles: You're overcompensating. Frasier: Right. We're fine. Bye-bye. [she leaves] I'm just baffled, Niles. Obviously, Gil Chesterton explains "Chesty" but little else. Niles: Perhaps you should tackle this from a free-association standpoint. Frasier: God, must we? Niles: Well, now... focus on any detail in the motel room. What's the first thing that pops into your mind? Frasier: Uh... a crescent-shaped lamp. Niles: Perfect - crescent-shaped lamp. Run with that. Crescent... moon... Daphne Moon... French maid... brass bed... satin robe... Frasier: Niles! This is my dream! Niles: I was just showing you the process. Frasier: You were three words away from a cigarette! Niles: [outraged] Your turn! Frasier: All right. Niles: Crescent lamp. Frasier: Crescent... croissant... butter... apricot jam... hunger... food... diet! My God, I've been on a diet. Do you think that's useful? Niles: You could stand to lose a few pounds. Frasier: Just wait a minute. Gil is a restaraunt critic - a gourmet. Perhaps he's symbolic of the food I've been denying myself. Niles: That would explain why you're naked in the dream. It's when we're naked that we're most self-conscious about our bodies. Frasier: Yes, and most vulnerable to the way society "tattoos" us with labels about our appearance! God, that's it, Niles! The dream is simply telling me that I've been too rigid about my diet! Niles: Well, you'll know tonight. If this is the correct interpretation, the conflict will have passed from your unconscious to your conscious mind. Frasier: Yes, the dream will have served its purpose. Niles: And you will no longer be plagued by it. Frasier: Oh, God, Niles. I've nailed it all right. I really have. Finally, for the first time in weeks they'll be no tequila bottles, no tattoo, no half-naked man in my bed. [he looks up to see Rebecca standing at their table] So then, the Rabbi says... [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Four - The Motel Room. Once again, Frasier is in bed. The tequila bottle is still there, and he still has the tattoo. The shower turns off and out from the bathroom steps a rather buxom woman wearing only a towel. Frasier looks pleasantly surprised. Woman: Oh, I'm sorry... wrong room. [leaves] Frasier's expression turns to disappointment. Gil suddenly appears lying next to Frasier in bed. Gil: That does it. We're finding another motel. SMASH CUT TO: Frasier again wakes up from his dream in a panic. He notices something under the covers next to him. He cautiously pulls back the covers to reveal Eddie. He isn't any more pleased about this. End of Act One. Act Two. Scene One - The elevator at the Elliot Bay Towers. Daphne and Martin are in the back of the elevator. The doors open and a woman gets on, standing in front of Daphne and Martin. Daphne says hello and they lapse into silence for a moment. She and Martin then begin to speak to each other in a conspiratorial tone. Daphne: Someone followed me again last night. Martin: Ah, you're just being paranoid. Daphne: I'm telling you, they're onto me. Martin: Come on. Nobody could recognize you after all that plastic surgery. The woman becomes alarmed at this. Daphne: That's what Marlena thought. Martin: Marlena got sloppy. She never should have gone back to Zurich. Daphne: I just don't want any more bloodshed. Martin: Relax. You're home free. Daphne: You don't know the Woodchuck and his ways. The doors open and the woman rushes out in fear. Martin and Daphne break down laughing. Daphne: Oh, we're terrible! Martin: We are? You are! "The Woodchuck and his ways"? Daphne: You know, we really should stop doing this. It's not nice. Martin: Ah, you're right. We won't do it anymore. The doors open and a man enters. Daphne: [as soon as the doors close, to Martin] How'd you get the stuff through Customs? Martin: They never check the wooden leg. CUT TO: Frasier's apartment. Frasier is pacing the living room as Niles sits at the couch, poring over psychology textbooks. Frasier: The answer has got to be in there somewhere! Niles: Here's something. [reads] "Dreams as an expression of wish fulfillment." Frasier: [grabs the book] Moving on. Daphne and Martin enter. Daphne: Goodness, are you two still here? Martin: What are you working on? Frasier: Nothing. Niles: I'm helping Frasier interpret a dream he's been having. You know, maybe Dad can help. Frasier: [alarmed] No, no, no... don't want to bore Dad with the details of this particular dream. Niles: Dreams can be rooted in childhood experience. Maybe Dad remembers something you've repressed. Martin: Gee, I don't know. If it's about when you were a kid I've repressed a lot of that myself. [exits to the kitchen] Frasier: Niles, this is not a dream I wish to share with Dad, thank you very much. Niles: Well, we've exhausted every other interpretation. So, I guess it's back to dreams as wish fulfillment... Frasier: Oh, Dad... [he moves to the kitchen where Martin is making a sandwich] Would you mind listening to my dream to see if it conjures up any memories from my childhood? Martin: Oh, come on. You're making too much out of this. It's a dream. Dreams are weird. Frasier: Please, Dad. I wouldn't ask if it weren't really bothering me. Martin: Well, all right... go on. Frasier: All right... it starts out in a little motel room. I have a tattoo on my arm - "Chesty"... Martin: See? That's weird. Frasier: Yes. Then out from the bathroom steps a... All right, now before I continue, let me remind you that this is a dream. Not to be confused with reality. [Martin nods, still busy with his sandwich] Out from the bathroom steps a man... [off Martin's concerned expression] -eating lion! Martin: [relieved] Oh, see? There again, weird. Look, dreams come, they go. They don't mean anything. Except, you know, if you're lucky, every once in awhile you might have one that's a lot of fun. Like, you hit a home run in the World Series or you're in the jungle with Jayne Mansfield and she gets bit by a snake. Frasier: Thank you, Dad. Martin: You know who Jayne Mansfield is, don't you? Frasier: Yes, Dad. Martin: You know what you do when you're bit by a snake, don't you? Frasier: Yes, Dad. [leaves] Martin: [to himself] Wish I knew what I had for dinner that night. Frasier enters the living room to find Niles and Daphne on the couch, chatting about Frasier's dream. Daphne: Oh, I get it. Chesty refers to Gil Chesterton. Frasier: Niles, you gossipy fishwife! Daphne: [standing] There's no reason to feel self-conscious, Dr. Crane. We've all had dreams like that. I had one about a girl I shared a flat with once - a gymnast. Niles: [standing] Go on, Daphne. This could be significant. Daphne: Well, I remember we were doing stretches in the gymnasium, when suddenly we decided to take off all our clothes and go for a bounce on the trampoline. [giggles] The next thing you know, I'm chasing her around the pommel horse. Oh, never mind... Niles: [aroused] Don't stop now! [off their looks] This could help us. [sits] Daphne: Well, actually, I do have a theory of my own about your dream, if you'd like to hear it. Frasier: What the hell. Daphne: Well... in your dream, who was in the shower? Gil. What is a shower? Running water. Who needs water? Fish. What do fish have? Gills! Do you see where I'm going? Frasier: Insane? Daphne: It could be a dream about the loss of a beloved childhood pet. Martin: [entering from the kitchen with Eddie] Thanks a lot, Eddie. Forty-five minutes in the park, you don't have to go. I get one bite into my sandwich and you give me the look. Daphne: Mr. Crane, did Dr. Crane ever have a goldfish growing up? Martin: A fish? Daphne: Yes, as a pet. Martin: How would I know? That was Hester's department. [to Eddie] Come on, let's go. [leaves] Niles: Frasier, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Frasier: That Dad can interpret the looks from his dog and has only the spottiest recollections of our childhoods? Niles: No. No, no, no. Hester - Hesty. The tattoo - that's only one letter away from Chesty! Frasier: Niles, are you saying that the dream could have been about mother? Niles: Well? Frasier: I suppose I could have misread the tattoo. [rolls up his shirt sleeve] Yes, yes... this freckle pattern here on my arm could be mistaken for a "C." Daphne: And what swims in the sea? Fish! [off their looks] All right, all right I'll go. [exits to her room] Niles: Well, so the tattoo could have said "Hesty." But the problem is, I don't ever remember Dad calling her that. Frasier: But who's to say he didn't? They both gasp and run to the elevator, where Martin is still waiting with Eddie. Both: Dad, Dad... Dad, Dad! Martin: What? Frasier: Did you ever have a nickname for Mother? Martin: Oh, for God's sakes! Is this to do with that stupid dream? Frasier: Dad, this is really important! Niles: Any pet name? A term of endearment? Martin: Well... when we were first married I used to call her "Honey." And then... there was a time after that that I started calling her "Sweetie." Frasier: I'm sure there's a delicious anecdote behind each one of those. But did you ever call her "Hesty"? Martin: "Hesty"? Frasier: [forcefully] Oh, come on, think, man! Even once! Once, in all the years you lived together?! Martin: [nervously] We-Well... I don't know. [elevator doors open] I- I guess... Frasier: Really? Martin: Yeah, maybe once... [stumbles into the elevator, disturbed] Frasier: Oh, thank you Dad! [doors close] Well, there it is! I must have heard him call her "Hesty" once and neatly tucked it away into my subconscious. Niles: Of course, it's so obvious! Gil is a food critic. Food, criticism... Both: Mother! Niles: It's the classic Oedipal dream! Frasier: Yes, yes... only I was so frightened by my sexual urges to be with my mother that I transformed her into a man! Oh, what a relief! I've been wringing my hands over nothing. I mean, it's okay. All I want to do is have s*x with my dead mother! Frasier turns to see that a woman has been standing by the elevator doors and has overheard him. He sheepishly enters his apartment. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Six - the Motel Room. The scene reveals a painting of bananas and swords above the bed where Frasier is sleeping. He awakens to find the tattoo of "Chesty" still on his arm and the sound of the shower running. He is exasperated. The shower stops and he turns to the bathroom door with a look of apprehension. Frasier: Mom? Mommy? Gil: [entering] Patience, Daddy! SMASH CUT TO: Frasier again wakes up from his dream in a panic and switches on the light in his bedroom. [SCENE_BREAK] THANK GOD HE WAS WRONG ABOUT THAT "MOTHER" THING Scene Two - Frasier's apartment. The middle of the night. Frasier is poring over textbooks at the kitchen table. Martin enters from his bedroom, groaning. Martin: You'd think by now I'd know better than to have that third Slim Jim before going to bed. Couldn't sleep either, huh? Frasier: No. Frankly, I'm sort of afraid to go back to sleep. It's that damn dream again. Martin: Oh, what are you worried about? It's just a dream. Worst case scenario - the man-eating lion leaps on top of you and mauls you. Frasier: I'm sorry, Dad, I wasn't completely truthful with you before. The dream is really about me in a motel room with a male companion, Gil Chesterton. Martin: You don't care if I ever sleep again, do you? He absentmindedly turns on the TV. Frasier turns it off behind him. Frasier: Dad, please, I'd really like to discuss this! Martin: No, Frasier, please. This makes me very uncomfortable. [he enters the kitchen with Frasier following him] Frasier: Dad, please... Martin: I know, I know... in your generation, men talk about everything. Everything's out in the open. [he begins to nervously clean the refrigerator and countertop, avoiding eye contact] You know what really drives me crazy is the way you all touch each other. Everybody hugs, you know? In my generation it was a... a handshake. That was good enough. Maybe if you felt especially close to someone you'd touch him on the shoulder, but never for more than two seconds. And don't talk to me about football players patting people's butts and everything, because that's different - that's sports, that's like war. Now, goodnight, son. [exits to the living room] Frasier: Dad...! Martin: Look, if you want to tell me something, write it on a post- it and stick it on the fridge. Frasier: Look, I really want to talk about this! [Martin finally stops and faces Frasier] I've exhausted every other possible interpretation of this dream. Is it possible my subconscious is trying to tell me something about my sexuality? Martin: Oh, that's ridiculous! Frasier: Is it? I was sensitive as a child; I didn't go in for sports. God, it's every cliche in the book. Surely it must have occurred to you at some point? You refused to take me to see "West Side Story" on my eighth birthday. Martin: Well, because of the gangs. That's scary for kids. Frasier: Even gangs that dance? Martin: Especially gangs that dance! [then] All right. Yeah... okay, yeah, I thought about it. But no, Frasier, no... I don't believe that. And you know why? Because you would have known by now. Your unconscious or whatever the hell you call it could no more have kept its yap shut than the rest of you. Frasier: I suppose you're right. Martin: Yeah. Now, come on, it's after 3:00. You're gonna be all worn out before your show tomorrow. Frasier: What a tragedy that would be. Martin: Now what are you complaining about? Frasier: Oh, I don't know. I just haven't had any really interesting calls lately. I'm beginning to question whether I'm not bored with psychiatry. [sits at the table] Martin: Boy, you'd never know it with the way you got your nose stuck in all those books. Frasier: That's true. The one saving grace about this dream is it's given me a chance to flex my analytical muscle a bit. Martin: Ah, maybe it wasn't so bad after all. Frasier: Wait a minute. Could that be what this has been all about? I've been so intellectually unchallenged lately by my show that my mind had to create a dream that defies interpretation just to give me a challenge? Martin: I don't know. Keep talking, you're making me sleepy. Frasier: Dad, no... that's got to be it! [stands] My show hasn't provided me with a single patient worthy of my skills and I had to invent one myself - me! Oh, God! What a relief. At last, finally, to bed. Dad, you've witnessed an epiphany! [they move to the hall] Martin: Yeah, God, I got to get you to put this on tape. Frasier: [o.s.] Off we go. To sleep, perchance NOT to dream. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Four - The Motel Room. Frasier is once again lying in the bed, asleep. He awakens to find the tattoo is now gone and there is no more tequila bottle. He sits up and listens for the shower. Hearing nothing, he lies back, relieved. Suddenly, there is a knock on the door. Frasier sits up in surprise and says "Come in." A man enters, the psychiatrist Dr. Siegmund Freud. Freud: Dr. Crane, Dr. Siegmund Freud. Frasier: Oh, my goodness! [they shake hands] It's quite an honor! Freud: The honor is all mine. I gave you a complex psychological problem and you solved it. You are a brilliant psychiatrist. Frasier: Oh, that's very flattering. You know, there are so many things I'd like to ask you! Freud: In good time, my boy. In good time. Right now, we have more important matters. He takes out some breath freshener and sprays it into his mouth. To Frasier's astonishment, Freud then climbs into bed with Frasier and lies back, spreading out his arms for an embrace. CUT TO: an exterior shot of Frasier's apartment building, where we see a lone light switch on at the 19th floor. It appears Frasier is in for another sleepless night. [N.B. For you Frasier trivia buffs, this is the only time Frasier's apartment has been shown from an exterior point of view.] End of Act Two. [SCENE_BREAK] The clock reveals that's it's 3:10 a.m. Eddie is in the kitchen, hopping up and down, trying to grab a muffin on the kitchen counter. It is then revealed that Eddie was asleep on the couch, having his own dream. He jumps down from the couch and rushes to the kitchen. He begins to hop up and down to get a muffin, only there aren't any. He finally sulks back to the living room and lies back down, defeated. [N.B. The footage used for the dream sequence is actually the same as the tag for Episode [1.22], "Author, Author."]

Frasier has a recurring erotic dream in which he wakes up in bed, hears the shower running and is shocked when the person who emerges is KACL's food critic, Gil Chesterton. He struggles to work out the meaning of the dream, eventually concluding that his show did not provide him with the challenge he needed, so his subconscious provided a problem for him to work out. Once he realizes that it what has been happening, he dreams that Sigmund Freud comes to his hotel room, and climbs into bed with him. The episode ends with waking up after this nightmare.

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"Soccer Mom in the Mini Van" [SCENE_BREAK] TEASER (A minivan approaches a field where kids are playing soccer. A woman gets out of the car, throws her coffee cup away in a nearby trashcan and looks at the children playing. She then touches her locket, smiles and heads back towards the car. In the car, she tucks a note inside her bag. She backs out of the space and as she puts her car into drive, it explodes) [Cut to: Crime scene a few hours later - crawling with FBI agents. Booth and Brennan get out of the car and approach the mini van] BOOTH: Look, Bones, all I'm saying is that Caroline went though a lot of trouble to get you private visitation with your father, now you don't want it. BRENNAN: The federal detention facility already has visiting areas. BOOTH: Yeah, behind 2 inch glass. Now you'll be able to give your old man a hug.(he demonstrates on Brennan) BRENNAN: I didn't ask for special treatment, Booth. BOOTH: That's because you don't have to because you are special. And you are gonna tell me - whoa - what happened to whatever the hell is melted to that steering wheel and everything else. BRENNAN (looking at the remains): Female. Mid 40's to late 50's. Pelvis indicates she's given birth. BOOTH: Hey, Bones. Look at that. (points to a finger with a ring on it) Married, right? BRENNAN: Wedding ring. Possibility. (to another FBI Agent) Don't just focus on the ground (she points to a leg in a nearby tree then to Booth) Why do you care about my relationship with my father, Booth? You were only too happy to arrest him and put him in prison. BOOTH: Alright, look Bones. Ya know what, it's not about being happy, okay. It's about doing my job. BRENNAN: Do we know if it was a bomb that caused the explosion? BOOTH: Well, let's see. The roof is peeled back and the doors- BRENNAN: I was asking him. (she points to another FBI Agent) FBI AGENT: We found explosive residue all over the van and metal fragments in the bushes. BOOTH: What is that? A Pipe bomb? FBI: I can't really be sure until the explosives unit gets the van back to the lab. BRENNAN: No, they can't have the van. There are remains seared all over the inside of the vehicle and they can't be compromised. FBI AGENT: I have to call- BRENNAN: This van will be brought to the Jeffersonian - your bomb techs can look at it there. FBI AGENT: I'll....make the call? BOOTH: That's - that's alright. You go, go make that call. Bones, come on . You're a little harsh there, maybe you want to talk it out. BRENNAN: (pulls a necklace from the car) Look, Booth. BOOTH: It's a locket. Ugh, probably her daughter. BRENNAN: Who would want to blow up a soccer mom? ACT I (Cut to: Jeffersonian: Forensics area) ANGELA: Hey, you have a skull for a facial reconstruction? ZACK: Help yourself. ANGELA: Oh, great. Is this all I have to work with? I always hated puzzles. BRENNAN: Hodgins, before we take that hand from the wheel, you might want to check the fingernails for particulates. HODGINS: You know I do. ANGELA: Oh. My. God. ZACK: Shouldn't you wait for the bomb tech before you gather the explosive residue? HODGINS: Hey, just getting enough to verify his results. Remember, he's a government bureaucrat. ANGELA: Hey, you're a government bureaucrat, babe. HODGINS: In name only. I am a passionate, dedicated scientist who will not be cowed by authoritarian pressure. CAM: Stay out of the van until the bomb tech comes, Hodgins. HODGINS: But... CAM: Out. HODGINS: Fine. I have to check the fingernails anyway. CAM (to Angela): How close are we to ID'ing the victim? ANGELA: Well. This is the skull. I'm good, but I'm not that good. BRENNAN: Perhaps you could use these. There's a portion of tongue, hair and brain matter? ANGELA: Okay. If anybody needs me, I'm gonna go throw up, then do some paper work. (As Angela turns to leave, Booth enters with a female agent) BOOTH: Okay, this is Special Agent Frost from the bomb unit. AGENT FROST: Booth pulled me out of an important lunch. It took me months to set up that meeting. It better be good, Booth. BOOTH: She'll be working with you, Hodgins. HODGINS (starting at Frost): Yes, please. What? No, no. Um, hmm? Ja..Hodgins. Doc - Doctor. Okay. AGENT FROST: I beg your pardon? HODGINS: It's Ho- ANGELA: He's Dr. Jack Hodgins. Angela. Montenegro. I do facial reconstructions - and him. AGENT FROST: Please to meet you. (she walks over to where the stuff is ) I'm gonna need you to recover all the metallic particulates then I'm gonna need a chemical tray with- FROST & HODGINS: Aqueous buffer solution. HODGINS: Yeah. I know. HODGINS: You wanna perform capillary electrophoresis? FROST: We can do that? HODGINS: Oh yeah. (Angela coughs in the background) And it will save time so Angela and I can have dinner. Alone. ANGELA: Hm (she turns and leaves) BOOTH: License plate was destroyed when we traced the VIN number on the van. It was registered to Jeremy Nash in Culpepper, Virginia. BRENNAN: He looks familiar. BOOTH: Man, our victim was traveling with a lot of stuff - clothes and personal items. BRENNAN: Photo album. Most of the pictures were burned, but the man in this photo could be Nash. CAM: She packed herself up, keepsakes and all, and took off in the van? Looks like Mrs. Nash was leaving Mr. Nash. BOOTH: Ah, god. I hate domestic cases. Alright, so let's got talk to the husband. BRENNAN: I can't. I'm seeing my father. BOOTH: Now? BRENNAN: You and Caroline went to a lot of trouble setting this up. I would hate to appear ungrateful. BOOTH: But - (he starts to follow after her, but stops then - to Cam) I'll go talk to, um, the husband by myself. (Cut to: Prison - Day. Max is escorted into a private visiting room to meet with Brennan) PRISION GUARD: Alright, Max. There ya go. MAX: Ooh, gee. Real chairs. It's nice to have an important daughter (he goes to kiss her but she moves away) BRENNAN: This is Booth, not me. MAX: Well, you thank him for me. I always liked Booth. Nicest guy that ever arrested me. BRENNAN: Touching. MAX: Well, you must like this. Me in here. I finally have to follow the rules. BRENNAN: So that makes me less than you because I think people should follow the rules? MAX: You're upset. BRENNAN: Yeah, of course I'm upset. My father's a criminal. MAX: No, outlaw. There's a difference. BRENNAN: Subtle distinctions like that are lost on me and, I imagine, your victims. MAX: I know you want some sort of, uh, nice, neat story that puts my life into perspective for you but it doesn't work that way. BRENNAN: You could try. Don't I deserve that? MAX: I guess I always had a problem with authority. I just always saw myself fighting the system. Kinda like Robin Hood. BRENNAN: Do you realize how ridiculous you sound? You're here for murdering the Deputy Director of the FBI. MAX: He was a crook. He was a killer and he was going to kill you. BRENNAN: And you walked out on Russ and me when I was fifteen! MAX: But that was to protect you, people were after us. BRENNAN: Because you were a criminal. MAX: Outlaw. See, I knew you weren't gonna understand. BRENNAN: Ya know what? You're right. This is my fault for expecting we could get past- MAX: We can get past this. We can. The court, they're gonna decide how to punish me but now, here - we'll make this whatever we want. BRENNAN: (She reaches in her bag and pulls out a deck of cards) Here are the cards you asked for. I gotta go. MAX: Wait. These are for us. BRENNAN: What? MAX: Come on. You remember that game we used to play when you were five years old? BRENNAN: Blitz. MAX: Blitz. Blitz. Come on. Let's play a couple of hands. BRENNAN: You always beat me. I remember that too. A good father would occasionally allow his child to win. MAX: I don't believe in encouraging all that, ah, that self esteem crap. You wanna win? Earn it. That's why you're so good at what you do now cause you know that nobody is gonna hand you anything. BRENNAN: (sarcastically) So you were a great father. MAX: Well, maybe just not as bad as you think. How 'bout this, one hand? Come on. BRENNAN: (gets up and heads towards the door) Let me know if you need anything else. MAX: Oh, oh, oh. Socks. Socks. You know the, uh, with the arch supports? I gotta stand on that chow line forever. (Max watches her as she leaves the room without saying anything) (Cut to: Nash Residence. Booth is questioning Jeremy Nash) JEREMY NASH: A bomb? BOOTH: Yeah, I'm sorry. Were you and your wife having any problems? JEREMY NASH: What? What kind of problems? BOOTH: Well, she was traveling with a lot of personal stuff: I mean, photo albums and more clothes than she - JEREMY NASH: That "stuff" was for Celia's new dorm room. She was bringing her clothes, thing to help her decorate - You're FBI for God's sakes. You have no idea who did this? What is this your first case? BOOTH: Just relax, okay? I'm just here to help, Mr. Nash, that's all. JEREMY NASH: How do I tell Celia? How do I - tell my daughter- (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Room. Focus on a clear box with flesh eating beetles inside.) ZACK: Dermestes maculates. They clean the bones by eating the charred flesh. HODGINS: But they leave behind pieces of shrapnel you might need. AGENT FROST: Fascinating and very weird. ZACK: (with pride) They're mine. AGENT FROST: Not a surprise. (BRENNAN enters.) HODGINS: (to Brennan) Hey! Hi. How as your visit with your- BRENNAN: Not germane to the investigation, Hodgins. (While Brennan is talking, Hodgins is looking at Agent Frost) Zack. Her left shoulder was badly shattered but still shows evidence of old trauma. I need the clean bones as soon as they're ready. I also would like you to look at the manubrium. These shadows look like pitting. Have you determined what kind of bomb was used? AGENT FROST: I'm still sifting through the debris and waiting for whatever goodies these bugs leave behind. BRENNAN: And Dr. Hodgins is just keeping you company? HODGINS: What? No. I'm - working. Hard. (Brennan and Zack just look at him) I'm gonna go right now and work. Hard. Some-someplace else. So - (he turns to go - Brennan and Zack still staring at him and Agent Frost looking at the beetles) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Basement/Storage. Angela is at a computer trying to figure out some symbols for the Widows' Son case.) HODGINS: Hey. What are you doing down here? ANGELA: Oh, analyzing the iconography for the Widow's Son case until somebody needs me for the bomb victim. HODGINS: Look, Angie, Um- Agent Frost is a colleague and I am a professional. Okay, so all that stammering and stuff - I mean that's not - that isn't - you know that's involuntary - it's a bodily thing. Yeah. That didn't come out right. Look, I'm not gonna deny that she is attractive - ANGELA: Oh, totally hot. HOGDINS: What? ANGELA: The bombshell from the Bomb Squad. She's totally hot. HODGINS: Yeah, I know. I mean - ANGELA: Look, Jack. I really don't care what's going on in your pants as long as it stays in your pants. HODGINS: You know who's totally hot? You. You are totally - ANGELA: Okay, save it. What have you got? HODGINS: (he hands her some singed pieces of paper found in the van) These were in Any Nash's bag. ANGELA: There's writing on them. HODGINS: Yeah. Yeah, Cam needs you to restore them. ANGELA: Well, I'll give it a try. AGENT FROST: (O.S.) Dr. Hodgins! I need your samples for the spectrometer. HODGINS: I - I - I - I have to uh - so I love you and - (he kisses her on the cheek) ANGELA: Go. HODGINS: Okay. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Hallway. Booth & Brennan are walking) BOOTH: Nash is gonna pick up his kid, tell her in person. I mean, I don't know how you do that. Tell your kid that your mother just got blown up? BRENNAN: I would think a direct approach would be best. BOOTH: What? As opposed to what? Sugar coating it? 'Hey, what do you say we go to the park oh and by the way, your mom just got blown up?' How's your dad? You haven't mentioned him. BRENNAN: Apparently, his feet hurt. BOOTH: You know, I mean his spirits. BRENNAN: Well, he's a con man, Booth. He's always cheerful. BOOTH: What? That's it? BRENNAN: It's not like I ever really had a father. Max was absent for years. BOOTH: Well, here's what I know. I know that Nash girl would give anything to spend one more day with her mother. I'm sure you'd feel the same way if something happened to your father. (Hodgins approaches them) HODGINS: I confirmed triphenylmethane dye and iron sulfate embedded in the manubrium and the flesh. (Booth looks at Hodgins, confused.) Both are found in ball point ink. BOOTH: AH! It's a home made tattoo. HODGINS: Angela's working on recreating the design. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. The computer is trying to render a design of the tattoo) ANGELA: This tattoo appears to have been crudely executed. BOOTH: Hm, you mean like a prison tat. CAM: No record of her being in prison. HODGINS: In Russia, prisoners made tattoo ink by burning the heel of a shoe and mixing it with soot and urine. BRENNAN: This was a ball point pen, rigged with a sewing needle, pushed down so deep it penetrated her periosteum. BOOTH: Ah! You mean - bone. CAM: Doesn't seem like a very soccer mom thing to do. ANGELA: And...here we go. (the computer starts to finish the rendering) CAM: An inverted pentagram? Devil worship. HODGINS: Mom had a little thing going on the side with Satan? Oh, the burbs. ANGELA: There is a design in the center that I can't quite get. HODGINS: Wait, wait, wait. Is that a fist? BRENNAN: A fist? BOOTH: A fist. ANGELA: Yeah. Oh my God. It is a fist. HODGINS: So she wasn't Satan's old lady - she was in the NLA. ANGELA: NLA? BOOTH: National Liberation Army. HODGINS: Student radicals in the 70's. Thought they could change the world. Set off bombs in army recruiting offices, torched cop cars- BOOTH: Yeah, real visionaries. They also shot and killed a cop in '75. HODGINS: That was the burglary. They broke into house of a defense contractor to rip off his safe- said it was the people's money. Here. June Harris and her boyfriend, Neil Watkins were charged with the murder, but never found. BOOTH: The FBI's been looking for them for 30 years. CAM: And there they are. ANGELA: And our victim? (she does a side by side comparison of June Harris & Amy Nash) It's the same woman. BRENNAN: So, our soccer mom - was a killer. ACT II (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Forensics Platform.) CAROLINE: People! Please tell me that all your fancy ass equipment is wrong. BOOTH: Oh! (He covers his ears as she sets off the alarm as she enters the platform and a security guy swipes his card.) BRENNAN: You're not supposed to be up here. CAROLINE: Booth can shoot me later. (she looks at the remains laid out on the table) This can not be June Harris. BRENNAN: But the dentals match. Angela's reconstruction matches. BOOTH: Amy Nash was June Harris. CAROLINE: Por qui moi? She couldn't have waited 4 days to turn herself into a charcoal briquette? BRENNAN: I - don't understand. BOOTH: Caroline? Why are you here? CAROLINE: June Harris was turning herself in. I arranged with her attorney for the surrender. He was gonna deliver her on Thursday after she said goodbye to her family. BRENNAN: What was the deal? CAROLINE: 9 years. BOOTH: 9 years for killing a cop? CAROLINE: For turning herself in and laying this all to rest. And since she still maintained her innocence, this was going to be a tough case to prosecute. BOOTH: Sam Reilly was the lead on this case for 30 years. He was okay with 9 years? CAROLINE: He doesn't know. Part of the deal. He wasn't to be consulted. BOOTH: Well, you know what? It's okay to tell him now. I know Sam. He deserves that much after 30 years. CAROLINE: Up to you, you're the lead now, Cher. You should bring in Huntzinger. He was her attorney. He might know something. HODGINS: Love Huntzinger. Real old time lefty. Worked the Chicago 7 Trial. Sued Nixon, the CIA, Bush - BOOTH: That's great, let's get out of here before Hodgins gives him the pinko medal of honor. (to Brennan) Are you coming? BRENNAN: I can't. Zack and I have to pull the rest of the shrapnel for the bomb tech and then I have to buy some socks for my dad. CAROLINE: Leave her be, Cher. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. BOOTH: (turning back to Brennan as Caroline drags him out) Socks? (Cut to: FBI - Agent Sam Reilly, Booth & Caroline are coming out of a conference room - and start to walk down the hallway.) AGENT SAM REILLY: I have worked this case for 30 years and you don't think I deserve a phone call? CAROLINE: It was part of the deal. SAM: And you Booth. I trained you. You think this is right? To blow me off like this? BOOTH: I just got thrown the case, Sam. Don't go wailing on me. SAM: Damn lawyers. Working the case for 30 years and you don't think it deserves a damn phone call. Hey. I'm talking to you. (Booth and Caroline turn around) CAROLINE: No. You're yelling at me and my ears are starting to ring. Now I'm sorry after 40 years, as an agent for the FBI, you're still a little girl but I'd like to find out who killed June Harris. So how 'bout you stop whining and help. Okay, Cher? (Caroline leaves) BOOTH: So. How have ya been , Sam? SAM: Shut up, Booth. (Cut to: FBI - Observation Room. Sam watches as Caroline & Booth interrogate Leonard Huntzinger) CAROLINE: So what's in the bag, Lenny. HUNTZINGER: Toothbrush, change of underwear. You guys always find some reason to toss me in the can. No belt. No laces. I'm ready. BOOTH: Yeah. Great. Well, we just want to ask you a few questions about June Harris's death. HUNTZINGER: I loved June Harris. I loved what she stood for and what she did with her life. Nobody has her balls anymore. CAROLINE: Except maybe, Neil Watkins. HUNTZINGER: Yeah. You'd love that, wouldn't you. Blame another revolutionary. BOOTH: Do you know where Watkins is? CAROLINE: They were partners in crime. I don't think he would want to risk June turning him in. HUNTZINGER: You ever hear of attorney/client privilege? CAROLINE: Ever hear of Obstruction of Justice? BOOTH: Ya know, a woman is dead. She's not a martyr to her family, just someone they loved. CAROLINE: If you can understand that. HUNTZINGER: Cooperating with that system (Sam leaves the observation room) perpetuates that system.. BOOTH: Yeah, yeah. HUNTZINGER: If the system's corrupt- BOOTH: Blah, blah, blah. So what's next, Leonard? Are ya gonna warn Watkins that we're on to him? (Sam bursts through the door and goes after Huntzinger) BOOTH: Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. SAM: You son of a bitch. Watkins are Harris are not heroes. (Booth holds Sam back) You want to know how they changed society? Ask the kid who's father they killed. HUNTZINGER: I know that kid. He became a cop just like his father. Very touching. (Sam goes to go after Huntzinger again and Huntzinger pushes him back.) SAM: You son of a- HUNTZINGER: Get out of here. (Booth steps in again and holds Huntzinger back.) BOOTH: Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. CAROLINE: You just hit a Federal Agent, Mr. Huntzinger. Good thing you brought your toothpaste. HUNTZINGER: What a surprise. Lock me up to shut me up. You should be talking to that kid, Valenti, instead of busting my ass. The pig comes to me the other day, he wants to know where June is. He said he got a letter from her, as if she's write him or I'd give her up. Hey. (He lifts up his shirt) See these bruises? A gift - from your noble son of a cop. (Cut to: Prison - Day. Max is in the visitors room with Brennan.) MAX: Nice and soft. I'll be the best dressed on cell block 8. Thanks. BRENNAN: Sure. MAX: (sighs) Honey. I'm sorry. BRENNAN: For what? MAX: For- for being such a disappointment as a father. You deserve better. And I should have told you sooner. (Brennan says nothing) Well, that's it? Nothing? BRENNAN: Well, what were you expecting? I agree with you. MAX: I was expecting some tears or a hug or something. I did apologize. That's what you wanted, isn't it? BRENNAN: Well, you didn't mean it? MAX: Of course I meant it. Listen. Under any objective standard you have a horrible human being for a father but I'm trying to move on. I got caught so that I could be with you. I was hoping you'd meet me half way. BRENNAN: I'm here, aren't I? (after a pause) I - (she reaches into her bag) got you shampoo. Soap isn't good for your hair. MAX: Oh, nice. I - I don't want to smell to good, that could be a problem around here. (Brennan smiles) There, see. That's better. Thanks. BRENNAN: Sure. MAX: So the prosecutor's gonna want to talk to you about me. It wouldn't hurt if you, uh, had some good things to say about your old man. Might even offer to testify on my behalf. BRENNAN: Is that why you finally apologized? MAX: What? BRENNAN: To use me? Maybe you'd like me to alter evidence now. That way I could join the family business. MAX: How could you think that? BRENNAN: I don't know, Max. Maybe because I seem to pass in and out of your life when it's most convenient. Maybe because you built a whole career using your considerable charm to manipulate people? MAX: Wait, listen. I know that it's hard to trust me, I know, and it's gonna take some time to fix things, but we can - BRENNAN: No. No. Some things break and you can't put them back together again. That's just the way it is. I was find on my own, Max. I was just fine. (she gets up and leaves) MAX: Wait, please. (he's left in the room, alone) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Hodgins work area) AGENT FROST: Electrophoresis in HPLC shows potassium nitrate, charcoal and sulfur in a 75/15/10 ratio. HODGINS: Graphite glaze, triple F goex. Supporting grade - AGENT FROST: You are a constant surprise. HODGINS: Yes. Yes, I am. AGENT FROST: I don't know many people who get as excited as I do about the chemical makeup of explosives. HODGINS: Well, I - complex molecular structures. Hey, how's it coming - with the-the-the detonator? AGENT FROST: Seems to be a wristwatch. Pretty much destroyed in the blast. HODGINS: (looking in the microscope) Microscopic glass chips. Probably the crystal. I'll, uh, take a look at the -uh (Frost leans over him and looks in the microscope) composition to see if I can - um - locate a - manufacturer. AGENT FROST: Great. So, where do you want me to dump this junk? HODGINS: You're tossing the air filter? AGENT FROST: I tested it for explosive residue. There wasn't any. It was blown free from the car. HODGINS: Yeah. Even better. Do you have any idea what kind of treasures might be trapped in here? Don't touch my things. (to security guard) Watch her. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Zack is showing Cam his findings) CAM: She was shot too? ZACK: The entry presented itself when I was removing shrapnel from the reconstructed shoulder. CAM: Are you sure it's not from the bomb or the fire? ZACK: No. The fragments are lead in a copper alloy coating. CAM: Yeah. That's a bullet. I didn't find any dried blood on her clothes. When was she shot? ZACK: Damage from the blast makes it difficult to tell when the shooting occurred. I'm going to check the remodeling to estimate a time. CAM: Hitting the top of the shoulder wouldn't be severe injury. ZACK: She could bandage herself and still be ambulatory. CAM: You know you could say 'walk around' instead. I wouldn't fire you. ZACK: 'Walk around' implies aimlessness, which I'm not able to determine. CAM: Can't believe I still ask these things. Send every thing you got to ballistics at the FBI. ZACK: I'll inform Dr. Brennan. (Cut to FBI: Corridor. Booth, Brennan and Sam are walking) SAM: Does not make any sense. The van was rigged blow up, why shoot her? BRENNAN: Well, until we see what ballistics determines, it's absurd to speculate. SAM: Speculating's kinda what we do here. BOOTH: Listen. Danny Valenti is a cop. June Harris murdered his father. He has a gun. SAM: He's a good kid, Booth. He didn't do it. BOOTH: (Brennan bumps into him, then to Brennan) Out. BRENNAN: But that is meaningless speculation. SAM: Is she really necessary? BOOTH: She's my partner. BRENNAN: Mentors often feel threatened when their students surpass them. BOOTH: Bones! BRENNAN: Well, it's true, Booth. Change can be difficult to accept whether it comes in the form of a revolutionary or the simple passage of time. SAM: If she were a guy, I'd deck her. BRENNAN: Well, you know, that distinction is no longer necessary, but I wouldn't recommend it. (Booth pushes Brennan into the interrogation room) BOOTH: Go, Sam. (Booth pushes Sam into the interrogation room) Thank you. (Cut to: FBI - Interrogation Room.) BOOTH: Officer Valenti, credit card records show that uh, you bought gas near June Harris's home. VALENTI: I didn't know where she lived. Just the town from the post mark on the letter. BOOTH: Her apology letter. VALENTI: (scoffs) She should have had the nerve to come talk to me, face to face. BOOTH: So that's when you went to Huntzinger. VALENTI: Yeah. BRENNAN: And hit him. VALENTI: He protects people like her. BRENNAN: That's his job. VALENTI: I was five years old when my father was killed. My mother told me he wasn't coming home again, I didn't believe her. I sat by that window waiting, everyday, for months. BOOTH: You seem pretty angry about that. SAM: Why didn't you tell me what you were gonna do? VALENTI: You'd try and talk me out of it. BRENNAN: Did you know how little time she was going to serve? BOOTH: Because that might make someone take matters into their own hands. VALENTI: I'm a cop, man, I didn't blow her up. SAM: Booth- BOOTH: Sam, it's my investigation. Officer Valenti, I'm gonna need your gun. VALENTI: Why? BOOTH: Because June Harris was shot before she died. BRENNAN: We'd like to make sure the bullet didn't come from your gun. VALENTI: You're gonna let them do this to me, Sam? SAM: It's just a formality, Danny. VALENTI: Then let's be formal. Get a warrant. [SCENE_BREAK] ACT III (Cut to: FBI - Booth's Office. Sam is alone reading a folder - as Booth & Brennan enter.) BOOTH: Sam! SAM: Ballistics says that the bullet was NOT a match for Danny's gun. BRENNAN: Booth should have that report first. He's the lead. SAM: You know, Booth. She must be really good in bed because I can't see any other reason you keep her around here. BRENNAN: I am. Very good. But Booth has no direct knowledge of that fact. BOOTH: Okay, okay. Let's all stay focused here, people. Okay. Sam, you know what - you should never- SAM: But it was a match for the gun that killed Danny's father 30 years ago. BOOTH: Right. The same gun that was registered to Harris's old boyfriend, Watkins, but it was never found. SAM: Everyone we interviewed at the time said Harris would never make a move without talking to Watkins first. I told you, we need to find him. BOOTH: Yeah, okay. We will, Sam. You just gotta give me some room. (Booth goes to leave but Sam grabs him arm) SAM: Hey, Booth. Don't cut me out. I've worked my whole career for this. BOOTH: As soon as I find something out, I'll let you know, Sam. (he places him hand on Sam's arm and then heads out) (to Brennan) Come on, Bones. (They leave, leaving Sam alone, once again, in Booth's office) (Cut to: Nash Residence. Jeremy Nash is looking at a picture that Booth & Brennan gave to him to look at) JEREMY: I remember seeing a picture of him before. I was going through some old photographs, cleaning out a closet. Amy said it was an old boyfriend. BOOTH: Hmm. They keep in contact? JEREMY: No. I mean, uh, she would have told me. Why? You don't think that - did he kill her? BOOTH: How long did you know about your wife's real identity? BRENNAN: Yeah, how long? JEREMY: I only found out a couple weeks ago. (His daughter, Celia, enters the room) CELIA: Why didn't you tell me? What? You didn't think I should know about my own mother? JEREMY: She didn't want me to tell you. She wanted to do it herself. BRENNAN: Your wife never talked about her past? CELIA: She used to say only the future was important. All we could do was change the world. JEREMY: They didn't agree on how. Celia was, uh, a bit conservative for Amy. CELIA: That never mattered. She wasn't some crazy radical to me. She was my mom. BOOTH: You must have been relieved she got such a great deal. JEREMY: What deal? BRENNAN: She didn't tell you? JEREMY: She mentioned she was thinking of talking to a Federal Prosecutor - but I talked her out of it. BOOTH: Well, you do know it's a felony, aiding and abedding a fugitive. JEREMY: You want to charge me? Fine. But saving my family doesn't feel like a crime. Amy was a good mother. A wonderful wife. BOOTH: You mind if we take a look around? See if there's any evidence linking your wife to Watkins? JEREMY: The house is yours. (to Celia) Come on, sweetie. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab.) ZACK: The only reason we found any lead or copper in the shoulder was because of the blast. There was advanced bone remodeling. CAM: So it's a very old injury. ZACK: Yes. Bone had completely grown over it. CAM: And since it was the same gun that killed the policeman and was never recovered, I think we can assume that June Harris was shot during the robbery. ZACK: I also found microscopic lead particles on the metacarpals on the left hand with the same degree of remodeling at the shoulder. CAM: Another gun shot? ZACK: No. The same one. The metals are an identical match. CAM: So she was shot in the hand and the shoulder with the same bullet? Is that even possible? ZACK: Angela could give us a scenario that could tell us. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office - everyone is standing around the Angelator) ANGELA: I'm creating a trajectory analysis factoring in both the hand and the shoulder. These are photos from the crime scene, 30 years ago. ZACK: That's the home of the defense contractor, Gerald Locklear, where the NLA burglary occurred. CAM: June Harris and NealWatkins were in Locklear's office at the back of the house. ANGELA: The original FBI photos were crude. Based on finger prints and scuff marks on the floor. It was assumed that June stood guard while Neal emptied the safe. CAM: When officer Valenti walks in, surprising them, June fires - killing Valenti - BRENNAN: But that wouldn't explain her injuries, unless - June emptied the safe while Neal stood guard. ANGELA: Exactly. Neal aims at Office Valenti but June steps between them, raises her hand to stop Neal, but he fires. BRENNAN: She was trying to protect the policeman. CAM: June Harris was telling the truth. She didn't kill Valenti, Neal Watkins did. (Hodgins enters) HODGINS: He also made the bomb. The watch used to make the timer? Was coated with a volatilized pigment used by the Sawyer Time Company. (They all head over to the computer. Hodgins pulls up a picture of a watch) BRENNAN: An American flag watch. CAM: Nice ironic touch. HODGINS: Watkins always used the same type of watch when making bombs for the NLA. It was a signature. They found traces of them a ROTC headquarters, the IRS office- CAM: June told him she was going to turn herself in. HODGINS: He wasn't gonna let that happen. So he made a new bomb using an old watch and killed her. And he left a message for anyone who thought the revolution was over. ANGELA: Sounds like a bad ex-boyfriend. BRENNAN: That's assuming she was in contact with him. CAM: And we have no way of knowing where that would have taken place if she had seen him. HODGINS: Not so sure about that. I have her air filter. It's like an entomological GPS. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Cat walk. Booth is looking out over the balcony. Brennan approaches him, carrying a cup of coffee) BOOTH: What's taking Hodgins so long? BRENNAN: It's an exacting process. (She hands him the cup of coffee) BOOTH: (takes it) Ah, thank you. So um, how did your dad like his socks? BRENNAN: Fine. BOOTH: That's sorta a way to start a conversation there, Bones. BRENNAN: I know. BOOTH: Ya know, look. I'm - I should never have gotten in the middle of all this, I'm - I'm sorry. I was just - I'm just trying to help. BRENNAN: He wanted me to testify on his behalf. He just wants to use me. BOOTH: Well, he's s con man, Bones, that doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. He's just looking for a little payback. BRENNAN: Payback? BOOTH: Yeah. He's thinking that he got arrested so that he could spend some more time with you. I mean, you could at least return the favor by doing something nice for him. BRENNAN: I'm not sure I want a father who's always keeping score. BOOTH: Yeah. Sounds like you are too. BRENNAN: You know what? You're right. This is none of your business. BOOTH: You know what, Bones? You're never gonna forgive yourself if you don't cut the guy some slack just because you're afraid to get hurt. BRENNAN: Ugh, what the hell is taking Hodgins so long? (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Hodgins desk. He's looking through a microscope when Angela approaches) ANGELA: Where's the bombshell from the bomb squad? HODGINS: She went back to the FBI to catalog evidence. Thank god. She was driving me crazy. It was just science all the time. Then, she tries to destroy perfectly good evidence- ANGELA: What about the breasts? HODGINS: I started thinking about them dragging on the floor when she's 70. (Angela leans over and kisses him) How are you doing? ANGELA: Well, that burned paper? Is a letter that she wrote. So I'm using the spectral comparator to locate the ink particles. HODGINS: Cool... ANGELA: The, uh, computer is rendering the content now, so. You? HODGINS: I found pollen. ANGELA: oh. HODGINS: Most of it Pinus Appalachiana. Shenandoah (he has a realization about something) Pine - which is only found on Shenandoah Mountain in West Virginia. There was also crushed Pendleton Leather Flower in the tire treads which is only found here in the Shale Barrens along the upper Potamic - it is very secluded between the towns of Hendersonville and Maple Flats. Booth! (he calls up to Booth, still up on the catwalk with Brennan) I know where you can find Watkins! (They start to head down.) ANGELA: That's nice work, Hodgins. You know, my computer, is gonna be rendering for a while. Wanna go to the Medieval storage room? (He reaches down and pushes the head covering for a suit of armor out from under his desk with his foot) ANGELA: Oh. HODGINS: Booth! What the hell is taking you so long. (Angela kisses him again) (Cut to: Booth's car.) BRENNAN: You told Reilly where Watkins is? BOOTH: Yeah, he's meeting us there. BRENNAN: He's too emotional. BOOTH: This is his case. He's invested. BRENNAN: He's irrational. Probably male menopause. BOOTH: What? He's a good man and you know what? There's no such thing. That is a sexist myth. BRENNAN: Factually, hormone production drops in your 50's. Sexual desire decreases. You have to deal with the reduction of muscle mass, erectile dysfunction- BOOTH: Hey, alright, hey. Let's just keep the conversation up, shall we? BRENNAN: And, there's evidence that certain men become very unstable. BOOTH: Do you want me to start talking about your father again? BRENNAN: You're very testy. BOOTH: And 35. I'm only 35. BRENNAN: Okay, okay. BOOTH: They have blue pills for that. (Cut to: Watkin's Residence. Booth & Brennan get out of the car and walk towards the house.) BOOTH: No. I don't like this, it's too quiet. BRENNAN: Wasn't Reilly suppose to meet us? BOOTH: Yeah. (They go around the side of the house, trying to get a look inside. Brennan takes out her gun) BOOTH: Gee, why didn't you bring the big one? (They enter the house and walk through the rooms, still not seeing anyone. Suddenly, Brennan sees something in the other room.) BOOTH: Okay. (he pushes her shoulder back, wanting her to stay behind him) Bones. (They walk into the room and find Neal Watkins dead and Sam Reilly standing over him, holding a gun) BOOTH: Easy, Sam. Put the gun down, step away from the body. SAM: Booth, look at him. He did it to himself. I didn't do this, Booth. (Sam places his gun on the arm of the couch) ACT VI (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Autopsy Bay.) CAM: .38 caliber slug - matches the revolver found at the scene. Now positioning is consistent with a self inflicted gun shot wound but could easily have been staged. (Brennan and Zack are looking at x-rays on a screen) BRENNAN: Zack, bring up that hand x-ray. (it appears on the screen) Look at this. ZACK: Asymmetric narrowing on the first metacarpal phalangeal joints. BRENNAN: Ulna deviation, barely discernible. ZACK: Would you like my finger Dr. Brennan? BRENNAN: Please. CAM: What are you two thinking? BRENNAN: Neal Watkins had rheumatoid Arthritis in his hands. (she wraps Zack's finger with an ace bandage) This would approximate the strength of his arthritic finger. Pull. (she grabs Zack's finger and he tries to pull it away.) Harder. ZACK: I'm trying, Dr. Brennan. BRENNAN: Watkins fine motor function would be no greater than Zack's gauzed wrapped finger. CAM: Neal Watkins wasn't able to pull the trigger. BRENNAN: He couldn't have shot himself. ZACK: If he couldn't pull the trigger, he wouldn't have the manual dexterity to assemble the bomb either. CAM: There's one man who knew exactly how Neal made his bombs. BRENNAN: The same man who worked the case for 30 years. I'll call Booth. (Cut to: FBI - Interrogation Room. Sam is pacing. Booth & Caroline enter.) BOOTH: Hi Sam. Dr. Brennan determined that it wasn't a suicide. SAM: What? CAROLINE: The gun was a plant. Wouldn't be the fist time - an Agent planted a gun, would it? BOOTH: Well, Forensics searched the house and, uh, they determined that there wasn't enough evidence to suggest that Watkins made the bomb that killed Harris. SAM: What about the watch? BOOTH: That's the thing, Sam. It turns out that two Sawyer Company American Flag watches were confiscated in '74 in LA raid. CAROLINE: We checked the evidence locker. A lot of things were missing - including a watch. SAM: It was a dog case, Booth. That crap was moved off site years ago. You know what happens during a move. CAROLINE: So, you had a 30 year obsession but you didn't keep track of your evidence. You have a good service record, cher. We can make a deal. SAM: Look. I know you have to do this dance, but there is a real killer out there. BOOTH: Look, I understand, Sam. I do. I think - you should find yourself a lawyer. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Hodgins approaches the platform) HODGINS: I was cataloging the watch debris and noticed that the oxidation and bacterial erosion of the metal was inconsistent with watches that would have been stored in evidence for 30 years. CAM: But weren't the watches discontinued after '76? HODGINS: Yes, but I found a few available on line for collectors - still sealed. BRENNAN: You traced one to a buyer? HODGINS: Didn't have to. Since the watch was 30 years old, the bomber had to put in a new battery - he left behind a thumb print. The casing protected it during the blast. I asked the bureau to run the print. (Angela enters) ANGELA: The letter has finished rendering. It's not addressed to Watkins. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's office. Brennan picks up a copy of the rendered letter) BRENNAN: (V.O) Dear Celia. I've done terrible things in my life, things I can't change. I know how much pain this will cause you, but never forget how much I love you. I know we didn't always agree on how, but we both hope for the same thing, a just world. (Cut to: Nash residence. Jeremy & Celia Nash heading out of their house as Booth & Brennan are walking up the walkway towards them.) BRENNAN: (to Booth) Funerals today? BOOTH: Yeah. BRENNAN: They seem like every other, normal, grieving family. BOOTH: That's what everyone seems, is it. BOOTH: Mr. Nash? You're under arrest for the murder of June Harris, AKA Amy Nash. CELIA: Oh, that's crazy. BOOTH: I'm sorry, Celia. (Brennan hands her the letter) We know about the watch. (Celia reads the letter while Brennan's V.O. continues) BRENNAN: (V.O.) Even thought I didn't fire the gun that took that man's life, I have to take responsibility for it and for my cowardice, hiding all these years.) JEREMY: I caught her sneaking out one night. She had been seeing him. She betrayed me, Celia. She betrayed us. CELIA: How could you do this? JEREMY: 25 years I believed she loved us but she used us to keep her cover- BOOTH: Let's go. (As Booth walks Nash to the car, Brennan stays behind with Celia - V.O. Continues) BRENNAN: (V.O.) - I tried to spare you and your father pain. I know what your father thought when he caught me going to see Neal, but I would rather die than betray your father. CELIA: (to Jeremy) She was trying to get him to surrender too! (Jeremy turns back to her) She was trying to do the right thing, daddy. BOOTH: Let's go. You got the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you- (Celia continues reading the letter while Brennan comforts her) BRENNAN: (V.O.) If I've learned anything, it's that we can never let the chaos and injustice make us so blind with anger that we become part of the problem. Understanding, compassion, kindness and the only true revolutionary ideas. When we compromise those, we become what we despise and we lose our humanity. The world might see my legacy of one of violence and destruction, but I know that you are my real legacy and for that - I will be thankful everyday. (Cut to: Prison. Visitation Room.) MAX: Hi! I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again. BRENNAN: I thought maybe we could see if we remember that card game? MAX: Yeah, sure. (He pulls out a deck of cards from his pocket) (Cut to: FBI - Booth's office. Sam enters.) SAM: You know, I've kept this bottle of single malt on my desk since '75. I always said when we put this case to bed, I'd open it. I'd like you to help me with that, Booth. BOOTH: Listen, Sam. I - I want to apologize. SAM: Hey. I would have done the same thing myself (he pours Booth some Scotch.) Well, maybe not quite the same thing. I would have slapped me around a little bit. (Booth laughs.) To the changing of the guard. (they clink glasses and drink) (Cut to: Prison. Visitation Room. Brennan and her dad are playing cards.) (Cut to: Lincoln Memorial. It's night and Booth and Brennan are on the steps, talking. Booth is playing with the lid on his cup of coffee.) BRENNAN: How much scotch did you drink? BOOTH: Oh, just enough. You know, I would have invited you, but Reilly. He just - wow - he doesn't like you. BRENNAN: I understand. BOOTH: I'm sorry. Was that rude? BRENNAN: Not from someone who's been drinking. BOOTH: God, you know, I love this place. I love it. I love this country. You know, I tell ya something. If I was working law enforcement back in the day when they threw all that tea, alright, in the harbor - I'm good, alright, I'm - I'm good. I would have rounded everybody up and we'd still be English. BRENNAN: Ya think? BOOTH: Yup. Yup. Definitely. (he signs and takes a sip of coffee) BRENNAN: I saw my father. BOOTH: Wow. I didn't think that you were gonna - do that. BRENNAN: As an Anthropologist, I accept change as the natural order of things - but with him I didn't allow for transformation. Ya know, I predicated his behavior based on a set of outmoded preconceptions. It wasn't rational. BOOTH: Wow. I - I didn't get any of that. BRENNAN: If I was conducting an objective experiment on my father, observing his behavior, I'd have to conclude that he loves me. BOOTH: Hmm. Why? What happened? BRENNAN: We played cards. BOOTH: Cool. BRENNAN: I killed him. BOOTH: Good for you. (He leans up against Brennan's shoulder and it fades out with the two of them looking out at the Washington Monument)

A minivan explodes at a car park, killing a woman. After piecing together her remains, Booth and the team realize that she is a known fugitive to the FBI for nearly thirty years. It turns out that the woman had been a member of the National Liberation Army, a leftist radical group who were presumed responsible for several crimes, in the 1970s. The case is reopened as Booth finds himself in an awkward position when his former mentor, who was the agent in charge of the case, and prosecuting attorney Caroline Julian clash. Meanwhile, Brennan visits her father, who is in prison after being arrested by Booth.

fd_New_Girl_01x02

fd_New_Girl_01x02_0

SCENE: The loft, Jess is trotting by Schmidt's room carrying lot's of science stuff. SCHMIDT: Jess! JESS: (Stops in Schmidt's doorway) Yeah? SCHMIDT: (Pacing back and forth) Can I ask you something? JESS: You wan't my help? Sure. SCHMIDT: You consider me a sexy man, correct? JESS: I don't know how to answer that question. SCHMIDT: Okay look, I'm meeting a girl for drinks tonight, and I'm probably going to bring her back here, for s*x. JESS: I have to get to school cause it's astronomy day and I'm dressing up like Galileo, so I have to put on my beard. SCHMIDT: I get that, but as a lady, where in the room do I look sexiest? You know like, like where am I best on display? Here? (Sits in armchair, legs crossed holding head) Here? (Sits on arm of armchair) Or (runs over to bed) here? (lies on bed on his side) ENTER NICK NICK: Hey, what is going on out here? JESS: Um, Schmidt wants to know where in his room he looks the sexiest. NICK: Well it's a big room. What are your choices? SCHMIDT: Ok, I'm glad you asked. Alright, (waves hand across bed) here? (runs over and sits in armchair) Here? (sits on arm of armchair again) Or here? You know, maybe just reading a book or something. NICK: It's a lot of options. Could you do them again really fast? SCHMIDT: You wanna see them again? NICK: Please. SCHMIDT: Ok. Here? Here? Here? JESS: (Smirking) Wait, what was the first one again? NICK: (Also smirking) Yeah. SCHMIDT: (Angrily) OK. I get it. All laugh at Schmidt, great. Here? Here?... [SCENE_BREAK] OPENING CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: The loft, Jess is spreading cream cheese on a bagel in the kitchen area. JESS: I'm so excited to meet him... NICK: (Walking towards her) No, Jess he's sleeping. He flew in late last night, we took him straight to the bar, took a bunch of shots, got drunk, screamed I love America. (Sits down) Now he's happily passed out. (Slurps coffee) Let's let him sleep. JESS: Guess I'm not the new kid anymore, I'm just one of the guys. NICK: You're still the new kid, Winston lived here before Coach did. JESS: (Carries on preparing breakfast) So Coach said, (shot of Schmidt walking by, taking earphones out) that they used to play basketball together at college, but then Winston went pro... SCHMIDT: In Latvia, okay? He went pro in Latvia, there's a big difference. (Nick turns around to look at him) Well the team logo, is a fig. Just a.. just a one single fig. JESS: Oh, you're jealous. (Turns around) That's so cute. (Turns back) SCHMIDT: (Smirks) Of Winston? No no no. Look, I'm not jealous of Winston. Ok, it's been two year, he's gonna have to recognize, I'm a lot flyer now. Wanna see me flex my base? (Starts to take off shirt) NICK: Naw naw naw naw. Put your shirt on. SCHMIDT: (Takes off shirt) Let me flex my base. Let me flex my base, man. NICK: Put your shirt on. SCHMIDT: Baboom. NICK: It's the morning. JESS: (Whispers whilst carrying the breakfast tray) He's gonna love it. NICK: Jess, what are you doing? (To Schmidt) What is she doing? (Jess kicks opens the door, walks in and places the tray on the floor, loud enough to wake Winston. Winston wakes with a start.) WINSTON: What the.. what the.. (points at Jess) who? JESS: I'm Jess. (Back in the kitchen) JESS: (From the kitchen you can hear her singing) I'm Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssss! WINSTON: (Shouting) What's happening?! Why are you doing that?! [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Nick and Jess are in the bathroom brushing their teeth, whilst Schmidt is in the shower. JESS: I can't believe you didn't tell me he was hungover! NICK: I totally told you he was hungover. I said he was drunk at the bar and now he's passed out. (ENTER WINSTON) JESS: Hi, Winston. Hey, I apologize for what happened before... not cool, bad call. I've been talking to the guys about boundaries, so I totally get it. WINSTON: Perfectly fine, no problem. JESS: Do you have a tank top I could borrow? You look like you're about my size. It's just that I'm really low on clothes right now cause I broke up with my boyfriend. And I caught him cheating and... I just like grabbed whatever I could and... SCHMIDT: (Steps out of the shower) Jess, you know what? I'll let you check my lost and found. It's where I keep all the things the girls leave behind in my room after we've founicate. I've got sizes 0 through 10. (Jess and Schmidt leave) WINSTON: What have you done to me Nick? NICK: I am so happy you're back. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Schmidt and Jess are sitting on the bed, with a box in front of them. JESS: (Rummaging through the box, she pulls out stiletto) You have made love to a lot of forgetful women. SCHMIDT: (Taking shoe off her) Ah man, look at these, wow. (Sees Jess taking out hair extensions from the box) Oh, look at that, Rochechana 06. Yeah, nothing orthodox about what we did that night. JESS: Winston seems nice... SCHMIDT: Did he say anything to you about the room? JESS: What room? SCHMIDT: The big room, I kinda took it from him when he left, I used to be in the small room. (Pulls out shirt from box that says 'I AM CLAIRE'.) This happened in the small room. (Looks at it) Twice. Never going back there again, Jess. [SCENE_BREAK] SCENE: Winston and Nick are tossing a basketball back and forth between then in the main living area of the loft. NICK: He's never gonna give you that room back. Winston: Psshhhh, come on man, it's Schmidt. You know they have a saying in Latvia. 'That guy is so stupid we could easily take things away from him'. NICK: (Laughs) That's a saying? WINSTON: (Laughs) Yeah, it is. NICK: That's a weird saying. (Bounces ball and throws to Winston who shoots and scores) ENTER JESS JESS: (Wearing borrowed clothes) What d'ya think? NICK: Jess, I've been telling you this for weeks but you gotta call Spencer and you gotta get your stuff back. Unless, you know, unless you're scared. JESS: No, I'm not scared, it's just complicated. That stuff was... that stuff was ours and I miss him. (Starts to get upset.) SCHMIDT: Jess, look, it's a ball. (Throws ball to Jess) JESS: Oh, a little b-ball huh, (laughs). (Whilst bouncing ball) You know, I'm actually pretty good. I used to play with my mom. (Half-singing and still bouncing ball) Defense! Defense! Watch out for the defense! Sneaky sneaky wah wah. NICK: (To Winston) You get used t`o it. JESS: Hey, Schmidt! (Bounces ball really hard in Schmidt's general direction and smashes the TV) NICK: Ah, come on! JESS: (Puts hands over her face) Uh! SCHMIDT: Wow! (Sarcastically) JESS: (Removes hands from face) Oh! (Breathes heavily) My bad! NICK: (Holding the bridge of his nose) Uuuuuuuuurgh. [SCENE_BREAK] JESS: I'm sorry, you guys. NICK: That was my TV, Jess. SCHMIDT: Kinda all he had. JESS: I'll get you a new one I just can't it afford it right now. NICK: If ya don't mind me asking, what's the plan? WINSTON: You don't know me like that but I need a TV. NICK: Do you have a TV at Spencer's? JESS: Yeah, I do, it's just really big and thin and brea... NICK: Go get it! JESS: No, I can't, I haven't spoken to Spencer since he cheated on me with that hoe! Actually, that's not fair, she might be a really nice hoe. I just don't wanna get in a big fight with Spencer, I want to be friends with him eventually. NICK: Why do you wanna be friends with your ex? I don't wanna be friends with Caroline, and all she did was rip me open and tear out my heart out with her perfect, perfect hands. JESS: He has this power over me, like he's a wizard and I'm his mage and I think it's his hair, he has like this really beautiful hair, and whenever I see it I get the 'woowoos'. NICK: Oh my god, I hate my life! SCHMIDT: Ok guys just.. Jess look, I know, closure, ouch, am I right? JESS: I don't know at all what you're saying right now. SCHMIDT: Ok Jess, think about it... NICK: Ok Schmidt, it's not that complicated, Jess just get the TV back! WINSTON: I need a TV. NICK: It's important! It's a television! It's what brings all of.. Just get us the TV! JESS: Okay, it's not a big deal. I'll do it. I'll call Spencer, and I'll talk to him, and, I, will talk, to, him. So, yay. SCHMIDT: Yay. [SCENE_BREAK] [JESS SITTING ON A BENCH, WATCHING SPENCER RIDING TOWARDS HER ON HIS BIKE] JESS: Hi Spencer. SPENCER: (Takes his helmet off and shakes his hair out in slo-mo, movie style) Hi, Jess-jess. [SCENE_BREAK] [THE GUYS IN A CAFE, AT A TABLE, EATING BREAKFAST] WINSTON: Wow, I miss this place. How's your yoghurt thing, Schmidt? SCHMIDT: Oh, the parfait? It's parfait. NICK: Come on, don't... SCHMIDT: (To the hot waitress) Oh, hello. You look beautiful today. You look smart. HOT WAITRESS: Stop talking to me, Schmidt. WINSTON: So, you're making all the calls now, Schmidt? SCHMIDT: Sure... WINSTON: This must mean, you're the top dog? SCHMIDT: Yeah? WINSTON: (Exchanging glances with Nick) That's cool... SCHMIDT: You know, i'm glad you guys think that, cause... you know I think that too. WINSTON: One hundred percent, I mean, when I moved out, obviously there was a power vacuum. NICK: Yeah, I needed a leader, I didn't know which end was up. SCHMIDT: Yeah, Nick's the bottom if you know what I mean. NICK: Absolutely, say Winston, do all top dogs need the biggest room or, I dunno, is that knida cheesy, a little over kill? WINSTON: No no no no no. Though I definitely see what you're saying though, definitely. Uh, every top dog is differt, every top dog is different. Hey, Schmidt, what uh, what kind of top dog are you? SCHMIDT: ...the kind with the big room. [SCENE_BREAK] [BACK TO JESS AND SPENCER ON THE BENCH TALKING] SPENCER: I'm so glad we're talking, last time I saw you, you were so mad. JESS: How is, um...? SPENCER: Rochelle. JESS: Rochelle...fancy name. SPENCER: She's great. JESS: Rochelle like a mermaid. SPENCER: Yeah. JESS: (Puts on weird voice and picks up parts of her hair) Hello. I'm Rochelle and I eat fish. SPENCER: Yeah, we have a lot in common, see we both love bikes... JESS: I love bikes... SPENCER: Not enough. JESS: Um, Spencer. I need my stuff back. My TV, all my winter clothes. SPENCER: Yeah, of course. I would have brought it today but I rode my bike here. You know, without the basket. JESS: Ok. Well, when will it be a good time for me to come over...? SPENCER: (Interrupting Jess and changing the subject) It's so good to see you Jess. JESS: Spencer, I really need my stuff.., SPENCER: Shuuuuuuuusshhh. I need something too. [SCENE_BREAK] [JESS IS DRIVING ROCHELLE TO THE AIRPORT FOR SPENCER WHILST IN THE BACKGROUND 'BUST A MOVE' IS ON] ROCHELLE: Thanks for taking me to the airport, Jess. JESS: (Monotone) Of course, all you have is your bike, Rochelle. SPENCER: Hit it! SPENCER AND ROCHELLE: (Singing) YOU WANT IT, YOU GOT IT, YOU WANT IT, BABY YOU GOT IT. JUST BUST A MOVE, UH. YOU WANT IT. [SCENE_BREAK] [JESS IN A PAWN SHOP TRYING TO BARGAIN WITH THE OWNER FOR A TV] JESS: $550 for the TV? Seems a little steep. I'm gonna write down a figure and this is as high as I go. (Draws something on a piece of paper) PAWN SHOP OWNER: You drew a smiley face. JESS: I'm a teacher. Do it for the kids. PAWN SHOP OWNER: For the kids, $550. JESS: I can't go home without a TV, I thought pawn shops were about helping people and frankly, right now, I feel taken advantage of. I just got out of a long relationship and I don't know what I'm doing emotionally or lets be honest, sexually. (Picks up her bag to go) I'll just, I'll just get out of here. (Tries to steal the TV but fails miserably.) PAWN SHOP OWNER: Are you trying to rob me? [SCENE_BREAK] [BACK IN THE LOFT, NICK IS WATCHING TV ON HIS PHONE] SCHMIDT: Hey, where's Winston, MM? NICK: Yeah, I think he's in his room, Schmidt. SCHMIDT: (Sits down) Do you really think I'm top dog? NICK: Yes SCHMIDT: Do you think I'm head baller, shot caller? NICK: Yes Schmidt, I feel that way. SCHMIDT: (Moves next to Nick) You see that man? It's my new thumb ring. Hot choice is that. Little skull. It's so nectar. NICK: Did you just make up nectar? SCHMIDT: Nah, it's a volleyball term. What is Winston doing in there? He can't hang out in there, it's too small. [ENTER JESS AND CECE] NICK: What's up? SCHMIDT: Yo, what up, Cec? NICK: You alright? JESS: I'm sorry, I didn't get the TV. SCHMIDT: What happened? CECE: Urgh, terrible roommates. I mean seriously, you guys told her to call Spencer? That is not your job, that is my job! NICK: Alright, so what happened? JESS: Urgh, he needed a ride to the airport. NICK: What?! JESS: For his new girlfriend. NICK: Are you kidding me?! SCHMIDT: Are you serious? CECE: What? You didn't tell me that! JESS: And, I'm supposed to pick her up next Sunday. NICK: OMG Jess! SCHMIDT: Wow. JESS: What's wrong with me? NICK: I figured it out. This guy is your kryptonite. You need to stand up and you need to fight him. JESS: I want to fight him but I can't. I'm powerless. NICK: Cause you're not ready to let him go. I think you know, deep down, once you get your stuff back, you know, it's over over. CECE: I can't believe I'm actually gonna say this, but, I agree with him. JESS: No, you guys are wrong. I really, I really wanna move on. NICK: Then you gotta fight. JESS: Alright, I wanna fight. NICK: Then get mad! JESS: I wanna get mad! NICK: (Stands up and pick up cushion from sofa) Alright, then do this. Pretend this is Spencer's face. Punch it. (Jess prepares herself for a showdown with the cushion) Get. (Punches cushion) Come on, do it again. (Punches a little harder) Alright, punch it like a man. (Punches a little harder.) Harder than that! (Punches harder) CECE: Come on, Jess. NICK: Come on Jess, get angry. (Punch) Good! CECE: (Punch) Get angry. (Punch) Get real angry. NICK: (Starts punch dancing) That's dancing. That's punch dancing. He broke your heart! He did terrible things to you, you hate him. JESS: (Still punching) I'm mad! NICK: Good. CECE: There you go. NICK: Good. JESS: I'm bad! NICK: You're ready, go get your stuff. JESS: (Starts walking towards the door) I'm gonna go get my stuff! NICK: Go get it. SCHMIDT: Go on, Jess. JESS: I'm really mad! NICK: I'm proud of you. JESS: I'm gonna go get it! NICK: Go get your stuff. JESS: I'm gonna face the facts! I'm gonna ask you guys, right now, to come with me. Seriously guys, cause I can't everything alone and I can't be alone. [SCENE_BREAK] [THE WHOLE GANG ARE IN THE CAR WITH JESS AT THE WHEEL TO GO GET JESS' STUFF. SHE IS DRIVING REALLY FAST AND HAD VERY LOUD MUSIC ON IN THE CAR.] JESS: Yeah! Loud music! Loud. Loud. Loud. WINSTON: Ok, you're ruining my pre-game mence. JESS: What am I gonna say? NICK: Hey Spencer, give me my TV back. JESS: Hi Spencer, give me my TV back, buddy. NICK: Hey, no buddy. How about jerk or idiot. JESS: Mr. Crabs. WINSTON: Mr. Crabs is an option. CECE: (To Schmidt) Your hand is on my leg. SCHMIDT: Your hand's on my leg. CECE: No, it really isn't. SCHMIDT: Classic he said, she said. CECE: Ok, Jess, just pull over right here. (Jess almost stops but at the last second steps on the gas again and drives off) Woah! JESS: Ok, you know what, just one more shot. NICK: Ok, one more time around Jess, and then we're good. You got this. JESS: Yeah. (Tries to pull up again but carries on driving again) SCHMIDT: Really? Come on. JESS: Just one more time, gonna... (breathes) NICK: Alright, this is the time, this is the time. Wow. CECE: Woah! JESS: Ok one more shot, one more shot, just one more, just one more. SCHMIDT: (To Winston) You know I'm onto you. WINSTON: What do you mean? SCHMIDT: You told me that I'm top dog but secretly you think that you're top dog. Alright, now you are just trying to out top dog the top dog. CECE: Jess, can you please take these doors off child lock so I can kill myself. SCHMIDT: Men are working. Look things are different now man, you're not top dog anymore. I am. WINSTON: Okay, you know what you are absolutely correct you are the top dog. (Puts hand up to head as if taking off imaginary crown) Here. (Puts it on Schmidt) SCHMIDT: (Taking off the imaginary crown) What are you doing? There is no top dog crown. Are you trying to make me look stupid. Look man, this is about respect, I'm a lot flyer than I used to be. WINSTON: Yeah, much flyer, I respect you Schmidt. SCHMIDT: No, you don't because if you had, you would have told me that the (song changes to a more calm love song) small room is the top dog room. (Jess begins to slow down) JESS: (Singing along) WINSTON: What? I own this song. JESS: (Still singing) YOU GO AND SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST (Finally pulls up out side Spencer's house) SCHMIDT: What's happening? WINSTON: What's happening if that is a great song. JESS: (Gets out of car and walks towards the house) CECE: I'll be out here if you need me, Jess. (Jess rings the doorbell continuously until it opens) SPENCER: Hi, Jess-jess. NICK: That's the wizard? He's wearing a scrunchie. WINSTON: It looks like he juggles clubs on the beach. CECE: Yeah, like he'd ever have a job. SCHMIDT: Didn't you just kinda assume he'd have a handlebar moustache. NICK: Come on Jess, just go in there and get that TV. SPENCER: (Pulls Jess into a hug) I missed you Jess. CECE: Don't hug him back... (Jess hugs him back) ALL IN CAR GROAN SCHMIDT: Ugh. That's not healthy. JESS: (Notices withered plants) I told you to water the plants! (Pulls away from hug) SPENCER: Huh? Oh, you know that's not my thing. (Tries to hug her back but she pushes him away) JESS: I told you to water the plants. (Pick up flowerpot and throws it onto the lawn, smashing) ARRRRGGGHHHH! NICK: What is she doing? ALL: OHHH!! SCHMIDT: What a mess. JESS: ARGGGHHHH! I'M GOING IN!! (Runs into house) SPENCER: Jess, take your shoes off, we keep an Asian household. (Runs after her) WINSTON: Didn't see that coming. NICK: Is she gonna be ok in there? [A LOT OF CRASHING AND BANGING] JESS: (Stumbles out of the house wearing tons of clothes and carrying bags and the TV) I got it! It's really heavy, but I got it! SCHMIDT: Oh my God, we created a monster. NICK: She looks like hell in bomb crudder. WINSTON: Oh guys, she's gonna drop. uh Jess, soft hands Jess. SPENCER: (Comes running out after her) Come on Jess. we'll share, you know, work out a system. JESS: (Turns around and notices she is wearing her shirt) Hey, hey. That's my shirt. SPENCER: No, this is my t-shirt. JESS: No, that is my shirt. It has my name on it. (Wobbles around) WINSTON: Don't drop it, Jess, don't, don't drop it, don't... CECE: Come on, everybody out. Now! (All rush out of car) ALL: Nonononono!!! (Jess drops the TV and it makes an unsatisfying sound) JESS: Give me my shirt! (Attacks Spencer) NICK: (Runs over and grabs hold of Jess) Hey Jess, nonononono, stop stop, sorry don't mind her we're just here for the TV. SPENCER: Who are these guys? JESS: They are my room-mates. SPENCER: Cece! Hi. CECE: (Walking towards the house) I gotta go in and get the rest of your stuff, Jess. SPENCER: (To Cece) Hey. (To Jess) Let's just talk about this, okay, rap it out. JESS: No! We can't rap it out, we're not together anymore, it's not the same. SPENCER: Doesn't mean we can't talk about things. JESS: There's nothing to talk about. Give me my shirt back. SPENCER: No, you gave this to me, I want to keep it. NICK: Give her, her t-shirt, man. SPENCER: No, I don't want to, you know and I gave her this hat too so I'm going to take it back. (Bends down to reach for a red hat) NICK: You mean this one? (Picks it up and waves it in front of Spencer) SPENCER: Yeah. (Reaches for hat) NICK: You want that? (Carries on waving it) SPENCER: Yeah. NICK: (Puts on hat) Then I dare you, come take it off my head, pal. (Long pause whilst they all glare at Spencer) I dare you! SCHMIDT: (Walks over and outs another hat on) WINSTON: You guys looks ridiculous. (Smirks) NICK: Look dude, give her the shirt back, (motions at shirt) I bet she worked hard on that 'JAM-boree'. JESS: Yeah. Play on words. Jam. Boree. Jam! NICK AND SCHMIDT: Jam! SCHMIDT: We all made a lot of jam, Spence. You know how time consuming that can be? You need a jar funnel, a canner, some fresh fruit; strawberries, raspberries, maybe a tayberry, maybe a ripe... NICK: No more fruit. SPENCER: You live with these people Jess?! Seriously?! You can stay here until you can find a better place to live. NICK: You know what, I don't like you stretch. I don't like anything about you. And I'm not afraid to... JESS: (Touches Nicks shoulder, to Nick) I got this. (To Spencer) I've got a place to live, Spence. It's over. I spent six year trying to figure you out. All you are is a guy with really beautiful hair. I'm happy you cheated on me, thank you. Because if you hadn't, I would have ended up marrying you and then you would have hurt me all over again. (Sigh) And yeah, I was scared to start over, I didn't know what to do. And yeah, I'm living with three guys I met on the internet. And yeah, stranger danger is real, but I love these guys, I barely know them, I just met him, but I love them. All of them! GUYS: Just take it easy on the love stuff... WINSTON: (Bends down to pick up a hat) Give her the shirt back, man. (Puts hat on) SPENCER: What happens if I say no? SCHMIDT: You know what happens? Schmidt happens! (Slaps Spencer) SPENCER: Ow. What's on your hand? SCHMIDT: Thumb ring, bitch! You got some Schmidt on your face! CECE: (Walks out with some more of her stuff, including her bike) SPENCER: You know what, fine, here, take it. (Takes off shirt) CECE: (Walks by him) Keep the bell. (Chucks bell at him) SPENCER: You know, I thought we were going to handle this like adults, Jess. JESS: Yeah well, I though you were the love of my life, so... (shot of the guys watching her from in front of the car with her stuff) Suck it, Mr. Crabs! (Walks back to the car where they all pat her on the back) [SCENE_BREAK] [WINSTON AND SCHMIDT CARRYING SOME OF JESS' STUFF AND WALKING THROUGH THE BUILDING] WINSTON: I do hate that guy. SCHMIDT: (Shrugs shoulders) Whatevs, you know. WINSTON: (Laughs) You know what? Maybe I didn't have respect for you before, because, if this is what respecting you feels like, this is definitely not how I felt. (Stops in Jess' room and start putting stuff down) SCHMIDT: So you recognize? Represent, what. WINSTON: Okay, look, I'm gonna be completely honest, I've been messing with you, but it's just that I wanted my old room back. You know, you're right, I've been away a long time and things have changed around here so I kind of got to get used to that. Keep the big room. SCHMIDT: So now you're just deep dogging me, man. I'm not scared of your mind games, I'm taking the small room, Winston. WINSTON: Schmidt, that's not what I mean... SCHMIDT: No no no no no. Why don't you listen to me. You can double reverse dog me until the cows come home. I'm not falling for it. What do you take me for? Some kind of idiot? WINSTON: (Behind Schmidt's back - a yeah! action.) [SCENE_BREAK] EVERYONE IS IN THE LIVING ROOM, NICK IS TRYING TO TAPE UP THE TV JESS: I can't believe I got all my stuff back. NICK: You did, but most of it's broken. JESS: Yeah it's broken, but, I don't know, it's mine. NICK: Yeah, but it's broken. (TV makes a beep sound) Hey! Look at that. JESS: Oh my God. NICK: I think it's working. JESS: Oh my God! NICK: We got a TV again. (High fives her) JESS: It's a TV and it's working. NICK: Hey, we got the TV back. (Sits down with Jess) Alright. (Winston comes and sits down) JESS: You guys are awesome. I'm gonna make you so much jam. NICK: Please don't. (Schmidt sits down) JESS: We're gonna have a jam sess. NICK: Absolutely not. (TV falls to the side and they all turn their heads) Okay, what are we watching? JESS: I have some DVDs. Um, Adventures of Babysitting, Prancer, Noosies, Curly Sue. WINSTON: I'm going out. (All the guys get up) JESS: Wait, where are you guys going? These are heart-warming films. SCHMIDT: (Comes running back in) Curly Sue, let's do this. JESS: Alright, lemme go get it.

Jess breaks the television in the living room by accidentally throwing a basketball at it. Nick and Schmidt try to convince Jess to retrieve her TV (to replace the one she broke) and personal belongings from the house she had shared with her now ex-partner, which she and her friends do. After Coach leaves, the original fourth roommate Winston ( Lamorne Morris ) returns and attempts to manipulate Schmidt into switching rooms since Schmidt now occupies Winston's original, larger bedroom.

fd_FRIENDS_07x04

fd_FRIENDS_07x04_0

[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there and they are finishing watching the first episode of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Joey is of course Mac.] Mac: (on TV) Well, if we learned one thing today C.H.E.E.S.E. is that cheerleaders and high explosives don't mix. (Cut to Joey laughing while Rachel, Chandler, and Monica aren't amused.) C.H.E.E.S.E: You can say that again Mac. Mac: Well, I couldn't have done it without you buddy. You're a genius. C.H.E.E.S.E: Oh yeah? Well then how come I can't get my VCR to stop blinking 12:00? (They both break into a huge laugh and do that stop-motion thing they had at the end of ChiPs.) Joey: (laughing and turning off the TV) So, what did you guys think? (They all make happy faces as they are unable to express their feelings verbally. Finally, the phone rings and the race to answer it is won by Monica.) Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Hold on please. Joey, it's your mom. (Hands him the phone.) Chandler: It's your mommy. It's your mommy. Ross: Ohhhh... Rachel: That's nice. Joey: (on phone) Mom, so what did you think? (He walks away allowing the gang a chance to figure out what they're gonna say.) Rachel: Well that was umm...Okay. Ross: It wasn't the best. Chandler: That was one of the worse things ever. And not just on TV. Monica: Wh-what are we gonna tell him? Ross: Well, the lighting was okay. Rachel: Ohh no you don't! You got lighting last time, lighting is mine! Monica: And I have costumes. Ross: Oh great! That means I'm stuck with, "So, we were watching you in there (Points to the TV) and you were sittin' right here! Whoa!" (Phoebe gets up.) Rachel: What are you gonna do Pheebs? Phoebe: I don't know. I don't know. I can't lie to him again. Oh no I-no! I'm just gonna press my breasts up against him. Chandler: And say nothing? Phoebe: Uh-huh, yeah that's right. Joey: (hangs up the phone) Wow! Well, my folks really liked it! So what-what did you guys think? (Phoebe smiles, walks up to him, and presses her breasts against him.) It wasn't that good. Opening Credits [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Monica are reading on the couch.] Monica: Phoebe, do you think that your favorite animal says much about you? Phoebe: What? You mean behind my back? Rachel: (entering, excitedly) Oh! Hi you guys, oh my God! You'll never gonna believe what happened to me today! I am sitting in my office and... Joey: (entering from bathrooms excitedly) You guys! You guys! You're not gonna believe what my agent just told me! Rachel: Joey! Kinda in the middle of a story here! Joey: Ooh, sorry. Sorry. You finish, go. Rachel: Okay, so anyway I'm sittin' in my office and guess who walks in. Joey: I'm gonna be on two TV shows! Monica and Phoebe: Oh, that's great!! Rachel: Joey! Joey: Oh, you weren't finished? Rachel: Yeah! Guess who walks into my office is the end of my story. (To Monica and Phoebe) It was Ralph Lauren! (Monica and Phoebe gasp) Ralph Lauren walked into my office! Joey: Uh Rach, if you're gonna start another story, at least let me finish mine. Rachel: It's the same story. Joey: (groans in disgust) Wow, it's really long. Rachel: (ignoring him) Anyway, Ralph just came in to tell me that he's so happy with my work that he wants me to be the new merchandising manager for polo retail. Monica: Still get a discount on wedding dresses? Rachel: Yeah! Monica: I'm so happy for you! Joey: Well, these really are the days of our lives. Monica: What?! Joey: Well, since you ask. They want me back on Days of Our Lives! Phoebe: (gasps) Oh God! Rachel: I got-I get a big pay raise! Phoebe: Oh hey! Joey: I'll be playing Drake Ramoray's twin brother, Stryker! Monica: Oooh! Rachel: I get to hire my own assistant! Monica and Phoebe: Ahhh!! Joey: (jumps up) Well-I got a head rush from standing up too fast right there. [Scene: Rachel's New Office, she's interviewing a potential new assistant, Hilda.] Rachel: (reading the resume) And you were at this job for four years? Hilda: That's right. Rachel: Okay, well this is all very impressive Hilda, um I just have one last question for you. Uh, how did I do? Was this okay? Hilda: What? Rachel: I've never interviewed anyone before. I've actually never had anyone work for me before. Although when I was a kid, we did have a maid, but this is-this isn't the same thing. Hilda: No dear. It's not. Rachel: No. Yeah, and I know that. All right, well thank you so much for coming in, it was nice to meet you. Hilda: Thank you! Good meeting you. Rachel: All right. (Hilda exits) I'm a total pro! (There's a knock on the door and a handsome man enters.) Man: Hello? Rachel: (seeing him) Wow! H-umm! Hi! Yes, uh I'm sorry the models are actually down the hall. Man: Actually, I'm here about the assistant job. Rachel: Really?! (Taking his resume) Okay well then, all right, well just have a seat there. Umm, so what's-what is-what's your name? Man: Tag Jones. Rachel: Uh-huh, go on. Tag: That's it. That's my whole name. Rachel: That's your whole name, okay of course it is! Okay, well let's-let's just have a look-see here. (Looking at his resume) Tag: I know I haven't worked in an office before, and I really don't have a lot of experience, but uh... Rachel: Oh come on, what are you talking about? You've got three years painting houses. Two whole summers at T.G.I. Friday's, come on! Tag: It's lame, I know. But I'm a goal-oriented person, very eager to learn... Rachel: Okay, hold on just a second. (She grabs a camera out of the desk and takes his picture.) I'm sorry, it's for human resources, everybody has to do it. Could you just stand up please? [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is sitting on the couch when some unknown guy comes in and sits in their easy chair.] Chandler: No-no-no-no. (Waves him away as Monica and Phoebe enter whispering to each other.) Hey! (Monica shushes him.) Phoebe: (To Monica) Anyway, I should go. Okay, bye. Monica: (To Chandler) Hey sweetie. Chandler: Hi sweetie. So, what was with all the whispering? Monica: I can't tell you. It's a secret. Chandler: Secret? Married people aren't supposed to have secrets between one another. We have too much love and respect for one another. Monica: Awww. (Kisses him.) But still no. Chandler: No I'm serious, we should tell each other everything. I do not have any secrets from you. Monica: Really? Okay, so why don't you tell me what happened to Ross Junior year at Disneyland? Chandler: Oh no-no, I can't do that. Monica: If you tell me, I'll tell you what Phoebe said. Chandler: Okay. Monica: Okay. Chandler: So, Ross and I are going to Disneyland and we stop at this restaurant for tacos. And when I say restaurant, I mean a guy, a hibachi, and the trunk of his car. So Ross has about 10 tacos. And anyway, we're on Space Mountain and Ross starts to feel a little iffy. Monica: Oh my God. He threw up? Chandler: No, he visited a little town south of throw up. (Monica laughs hysterically.) So what was Phoebe's secret? Monica: Oh, Nancy Thompson from Phoebe's old massage place is getting fired. Chandler: That's it?! I gave up my Disneyland story for that? Monica: That's right! You lose sucker!! (Pause) Please still marry me. [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler, Rachel, and Phoebe are there.] Rachel: Chandler, you have an assistant right? Chandler: (angrily) Did she call? You-you told her I was sick right? Always tell her I am sick! Rachel: No, I-I just don't know how you decide who to hire. I mean I've got it narrowed down to two people. One of them has great references and a lot of experience and then there's this guy... Chandler: What about him? Rachel: I love him. He's so pretty I wanna cry! I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do. Phoebe: Come on you know what to do! You hire the first one! You don't hire an assistant because they're cute, you hire them because they're qualified. Rachel: Uh-huh. No, I hear what you're saying and-and-and that makes a lot of sense but can I just say one more thing? (Takes out his picture.) Look how pretty! Phoebe: Let's see. (Looking at the picture) Oh my God! Oh... But no! No! You can't-you can't hire him, because that-it's not professional. Umm, this is for me (The picture) yes? Thanks. (Puts it in her pocket.) Rachel: Okay you're right. I'll hire Hilda tomorrow. Dumb old perfect for the job Hilda! Chandler: Let me see this guy. (Phoebe hands him the picture.) W-H-Wow! Don't show this to Monica! And don't tell her about the W-H-Wow! [Scene: The Days of Our Lives producer's office, Joey is entering to find Terry there.] Terry: Hey-hey-hey Joey! Joey: Hey Terry! Terry: Good to see you again! Joey: It's been a while, huh? Wow, it's funny these halls look smaller than they used to. Terry: It's a different building. Joey: So! Stryker Ramoray huh? When do you want me to start? Terry: Why don't we start right now! Joey: Okay. Terry: Here are the audition scenes. (Holds out the script.) Joey: (looking between the pages and him) Audition? I thought you were gonna offer me the part. Terry: Why would you think that? Joey: Well, I was Dr. Drake Ramoray, Stryker's twin brother. I mean, who looks more me than me right? Terry: Everybody has to audition. Joey: Y'know Terry, I-I don't really need to do this. I got my own cable TV series, (Pause) with a robot. Terry: I'm sorry Joey that's...that's the way it is. Joey: Well. I guess you think you're pretty special huh? Sittin' up here in your fancy small hall building. Makin' stars jump through hoops for ya, huh? Well y'know what? (Throws the script away) This is one star who's hoop... This is a star that the hoop-this hoop-I was Dr. Drake Ramoray! [Scene: Rachel's office, she's there as Tag knocks on the door and enters carrying a plant.] Rachel: Hi! Tag. What are you doing here? Tag: I just wanted to come by and thank you for not laughing in my face yesterday. And I noticed there aren't any plants in your office so I wanted to bring you your first... (Notices her plant) There is a plant in your office. Rachel: Kinda. Tag: Right. So I guess I shouldn't put "good at noticing stuff" on my resume. (Sets the plant down on her desk.) Rachel: Oh-ohh, thank you. Tag: Anyway, I'm guessing you hired somebody. Rachel: Well... Tag: Gotcha. Thanks again for meeting with me. (Starts to leave.) Rachel: But I hired you! Tag: What? Rachel: Yeah! You-you got the job! You're my new assistant! Tag: I am?! Rachel: Yeah! Tag: I can't believe it! Rachel: Me either. Umm, all right, first thing I need you to do is go downstairs and find a women named Hilda and tell her to go home. [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is setting the table for dinner as Chandler enters.] Chandler: Hey. Monica: Hey! Good, you're home! Chandler: Oh it's always nicer to hear than, "Aw crap! You again!" Monica: Hey baby. (Kisses him.) Chandler: Hey. Monica: I made you a surprise. Chandler: Oh yeah? Monica: Yeah, tacos! Ever since you told me that story I've had such a craving for them. Chandler: Did you not understand the story? Ross: (entering) Hey! Chandler: Hey! What's up? Monica: Ross! Ross: Oh, nothin' much. Just trying to figure out what I'm gonna do for dinner. Chandler: Huh. Ross: (notices the table) Hey-Ooh! What's-what's that, dinner stuff? You making dinner? Chandler: No! (The oven dings.) Shhh! Ross: What you got over there? Tacos? Monica: No! No. They're umm... They're just uh...ground beef smileys. (Holding up one of the shells.) Ross: Uhh, those are tacos. Monica: Excuse me Mr. Mexico. Ross: Eh, either way I'll pass. (Quietly to Chandler) I still can't eat those. (Monica is getting something out of the fridge and starts laughing.) What's so funny?! Monica: (trying not to laugh) I'm not laughing. (Ross and Chandler move closer to her and she starts laughing again.) Ross: (To Chandler) You told her! Chandler: Nancy Thompson's getting fired! (Monica slaps him on the shoulder.) Ross: (To Monica) Look, okay-okay I had food poisoning! It's not like I chose to do it! It's not like-It's not like I said, "Umm, what would make this ride more fun?!" Monica: You're right. I mean I'm sorry. Yeah, I shouldn't be laughing. I should be laying down papers for you! (Runs off laughing which gets Chandler laughing.) Ross: (To Chandler) How could you tell her?! Chandler: I had to okay?! We're getting married! Married couples can't keep secrets from one another! Ross: Oh really? Well I-I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City. Chandler: Du-ude! Monica: (running up to Ross) What happened in Atlantic City?! Ross: Well, Chandler and I are in a bar... Chandler: Did you not hear me say, "Du-ude?!" Ross: And this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after awhile he-he goes over to her and uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what you're thinking, Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls, and you're right, Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with...girls. Monica: (To Chandler) You kissed a guy?!! Oh my God. Chandler: In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy. Ross: Oh Mon, I laughed so hard... Chandler: Ho-ho, so hard we had to throw out your underwear again? Ross: Whatever dude, you kissed a guy. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Phoebe is giving Joey a massage as Rachel enters.] Rachel: Hi! Joey: Hey. Phoebe: Hey-Ooh, how's Hilda? Is she working out? Rachel: Ohh, my new assistant is working out, yes. Joey: Was she happy you gave her the job? Rachel: Oh, my-my new assistant was very happy that I hired my new assistant. (The phone rings and Joey answers it.) Joey: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh hey! Can you, can you hang on a second? (To Phoebe and Rachel) It's the producers over at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. can you excuse me for a minute? (On phone) Hey, funny you should call. I was just looking over next week's script. (Listens) Canceled?! (Listens) Like they're taking it off the air? (Listens) Ohh. (Listens) All right, see you Monday. (Listens) We're not even shootin' them anymore?!! (Listens) All right, bye! (Hangs up) They canceled Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E! Phoebe: Sorry. Rachel: I'm sorry Joey. Joey: Why would they do that?! It was a good show right?! (Phoebe and Rachel both pause, look at each other, and go press their breasts against him. Which Joey doesn't mind, of course.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler, Monica, and Ross are still giving away all of their secrets.] Chandler: You wanna tell secrets?! Okay! Okay! In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers! Ross: All right! All right! Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-a-like contest and won! Chandler: Ross came in fourth and cried! Monica: Oh my God! (Laughing) Ross: Oh, is that funny?! Oh, you-you find that funny?! Well maybe Chandler should know some of your secrets too! Monica: I-I already told him everything! (Threateningly) You shush!! Ross: Once Monica was sent to her room without dinner, so she ate the macaroni off a jewelry box she'd made. Monica: Ross used to stay up every Saturday night to watch Golden Girls! Ross: Monica couldn't tell time 'til she was 13! Monica: It's hard for some people! Chandler: (To Monica) Of course it is. (Mouths to Ross) Wow-whoa! Monica: Chandler one time wore my underwear to work! Chandler: Hey!!! Monica: Ohh, I'm sorry I couldn't think of any more for Ross! Ross: Ohh! Ohh! In college, Chandler got drunk and slept with the lady who cleaned our dorm! Chandler: That was you! Ross: Whatever dude, you kissed a guy. [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is still bumming about cancellation of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.] Joey: How could this happen to me?! Yesterday I had two TV shows! Today, I got nothin'! Rachel: Well wait a minute, what happened to Days of Our Lives? Joey: Uh, well they might be a little mad at me over there. Phoebe: What happened? Joey: Well maybe I got a little upset and maybe I told them where they could go. Rachel: Joey, why would you do that? Joey: Because they wanted me to audition! Phoebe: You! An actor?! That's madness! [Scene: Rachel's Outer Office, Tag is sitting at his desk as Rachel walks up. She stops and watches him pick up the phone.] Tag: Rachel Green's office. (Hangs up.) Rachel: Tag? (He turns and looks at her.) Hi, who was that? Tag: (shyly) Nobody. I was just practicing. Rachel: Really? (Giggles.) (Phoebe rounds the corner.) Phoebe: Hi! Tag: Hi! Rachel Green's office. Phoebe: You must be Hilda. Rachel: Yeah, this is Tag. Tag, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, can I see you for a second? (Goes into office.) Tag: Phoebe! That's a great name. Phoebe: Oh, you like that? You should hear my phone number. Rachel: (grabbing Phoebe) Okay. We'll be right back. (They go into her office and she closes the door.) Phoebe: So you hired yourself a little treat did ya? Rachel: All right I know, I know how it looks Pheebs, but I'm telling you... Phoebe: But-but you know you cannot get involved with your assistant. Rachel: Yes, I know that. I know that. And I know that hiring him was probably not the smartest thing that I've ever done. But I'm telling you, from this moment on I swear this is strictly professional. (There's a knock on the door.) Yes? (Kathy enters (Because she's listed in the credits).) Kathy: Hey Rachel! Rachel: Hi! Kathy: Cute assistant! What's his story? Is he... Rachel: Gay? Yeah. (Kathy leaves dejectedly.) [Scene: Terry's office, Joey has come to beg for a second chance.] Joey: Hey! Terry. Terry: Joey Tribbiani! I'm surprised your big head could fit through our small halls! (Gets up) I gotta go Joey. Joey: Wait! Terry! Wait-Look-Wait I-I... Look, I'm really sorry about before. I was an idiot thinking I'm too big to audition for you. You gotta give me another chance. Terry: I can't help you Joey. Joey: Wait! Terry! Please! Look, I just lost my other job. Okay? You have no idea how much I need this. Please, help me out, for old times sake. [Cut to a hospital room set on the Days of Our Lives stage. Two nurses are standing next to a bed with a man whose face is completely covered in bandages and reading his chart.] Nurse #1: This poor guy's been in a coma for five years. It's hopeless. Nurse #2: It's not hopeless! Dr. Stryker Ramoray's a miracle worker. Look, here he comes. (Stryker enters, only it's not Joey playing him.) Dr. Stryker Ramoray: Good morning. (He walks over to the bed, leans down, and whispers to him.) Drake, it's your brother Stryker. Can you hear me? The Director: And cut! Joey: (jumping up and removing the bandages) I'm back baby! Ha-ha-ha! [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Ross are sitting there and not talking to each other.] Monica: Y'know, in my defense, umm there was no glitter on the macaroni and very little glue. Ross: And in my defense, the cleaning lady came on to me! Chandler: (To Monica) You have no trouble telling time now right? Monica: No! Chandler: Quick! What time is it?! (Holds his watch in front of her face.) Monica: I don't know! Time to kiss a guy maybe?! (Ross laughs.) What are you laughing at Pampers? (He stops laughing and glares at her.) Chandler: Y'know when I said that because we're getting married that we should share everything and not have any secrets? Monica: Yeah? Chandler: Yeah that was stupid. Let's not do that. Monica: Ohh, absolutely. Ross: And! We should keep all the stuff uh, we told each other secret from everybody else. Monica: Yeah, definitely! Ross: Okay, (gets up) if you'll excuse me, I-I'm gonna go hang out with some people who don't know the Space Mountain story. Monica: Then, I'd steer clear of Phoebe. Ross: Man! (Monica mouths, "I'm sorry.") Chandler: Yeah, and not that you would, but I wouldn't hang out with...all the guys in my office. (Ross storms out.) Ending Credits [Scene: Rachel's office, she's looking at a picture of Tag when he knocks and enters.] Rachel: (noticing him) Hi! (Puts the pictures away.) Tag: Do you have a minute? Rachel: Well yeah, sure, what's up? Tag: I got asked out twice today when I was at lunch...by guys. Rachel: Oh really?! Tag: Yeah. Did you tell someone that I was gay? Rachel: Oh, did you not want people to know that? Tag: But I'm not gay. And I especially wouldn't want you to think I was gay. Rachel: Why's that? Tag: I don't think I should say. Rachel: Ohh, you can say. Come on, I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me things. (Motions for him to sit down.) Tag: Okay. Rachel: 'Kay. Tag: Well... Rachel: Yeah. Tag: I'd love to ask out your friend Phoebe. Rachel: (Pause) Yeah, she's gay.

Rachel must choose between a hunky young guy, Tag, or an experienced and well-qualified woman, to hire as her executive assistant. Joey is offered the part of Dr. Stryker Ramoray, the twin of his old character Dr. Drake Ramoray, on Days of Our Lives but is offended when he is asked to audition. However, when Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. is cancelled, Joey finds himself crawling back to the producers. Monica, Chandler, and Ross (who wore leg warmers) all reveal secrets about each other. Monica tells Phoebe's secret of an employee getting fired. Chandler reveals about his trip to Disneyland where Ross ended up ill on a ride after eating road-side tacos. Ross tells Monica about an Atlantic City trip where Chandler accidentally kissed a guy. Fat Monica ate her macaroni diorama. Ross kissed a cleaning lady.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_08x03

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_08x03_0

[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] (The temperature sign on the hotel shows that it's 109 degrees.) [XCU: BEE] (A bee is in flight. It flies up to a woman on the sidewalk.) FLASHES OF VARIOUS PEOPLE ON THE SIDEWALK. Rev. Alistair Rhodes: (V.O.) You may believe that you have to die before the judgment comes. (A one-legged man drops the bottle of liquor he's drinking from. The glass shatters on the sidewalk.) (Another man is sitting on the sidewalk, his back up against the wall. He's stoned.) Rev. Alistair Rhodes: (V.O.) But I say the fire is not around the corner. (A man with the left side of his face beaten makes his way past the church.) (The church bells chime.) [INT. CHURCH - DAY] Rev. Alistair Rhodes: (V.O.) The fire is not a-waitin'. (The congregation sits in the pews, listening to the reverend.) Rev. Alistair Rhodes: (V.O.) The fire is not a-wantin'. The fire has already come. [EXT. BUILDING - DAY] (A woman stands on her fire escape as she fans herself in the heat.) (Down below, the man with the left side of his face beaten makes his way past her building. He's holding a plastic bag.) Rev. Alistair Rhodes: (V.O.) As we mortals drink, gamble and fornicate our way through this world, -- [INT. CHURCH - DAY] Rev. Alistair Rhodes: -- death to Hell's bells thundering toll. The clock of damnations already struck midnight. [CU: BEE] (The bee bumps into the window, falls to the ground and dies.) Rev. Alistair Rhodes: We gonna die. Stick a fork in the ass of the human race and turn us over on Satan's spit because we all are not going to Hell, FLASH TO: [EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY] (The man with the left side of his face beaten staggers along the sidewalk and stops.) Rev. Alistair Rhodes: Surely as we stand in Las Vegas, Nevada. (He falls to his kneels near the rubbish along the wall. He falls backwards onto some garbage bags and passes out.) Rev. Alistair Rhodes: I say we are in Hell. Now. FLASH TO: [EXT. STREET - NIGHT] (Someone steps on the dead bee. Officer cars are lined at the end of the alley, their lights flashing. Catherine and Warrick carry their kits.) Catherine: Why are we parking in an alley two blocks from the crime scene? Warrick: You know sanitation's flushing out a sewer line. We don't want to block their trucks. (Warrick sees the body on the garbage bags, a newspaper covering the man's face.) Warrick: Whoa, what we got here? Hey, guy! Hey! (Warrick moves the newspaper and sees the man's eyes clouded white.) Warrick: We've got a male DB. Catherine: Call it in. You got it, Mitch? Officer Mitchell: I'll tape the scene. (Catherine and Warrick leave Officer Mitchell with the dead body and they continue their way to their crime scene.) [EXT. RANCHO CENTER MOTEL -- NIGHT] (They enter the motel parking lot. Officers are on the grounds. Catherine and Warrick make their way to the room. They pass by a man and woman on the steps. In one of the rooms, a man and a woman are on the bed. They continue toward the scene.) (The officer removes the tape across the door and they walk inside.) [INT. RANCHO CENTER MOTEL ROOM - CONTINUING] (Grissom is in the room waiting for them. There's a dead body on the floor at the foot of the bed. On the bed is a second dead body of the woman, her arms and legs tied spread-eagled to the bedposts.) Grissom: The man was shot execution style--22 to the back of the head. (Warrick kneels and looks at the blood-soaked carpet under the man's head.) (They look at the woman on the bed.) Grissom: Woman was shot as well, bound and gagged. The guests next door complained about the noise, manager finally called the point. Unis found this. (Catherine looks around.) Catherine: I don't see any luggage. Wedding rings still on the fingers. Probably rules out robbery, but not infidelity. One gets to watch the other one die? (Quick flashback to: The man and the woman are both alive. The man is at the base of the bed, kneeling on the floor while the woman is tied to the bed. Someone shoots the man in the back of the head while the woman watches. End flashback.) (There's a bullet casing on the floor near evidence marker 1. Warrick picks up the casing and looks at it.) Warrick: Maybe someone was trying to teach them a lesson. Grissom: Did you guys happen to see the Fitzgerald's thermometer on your way over? Warrick: Oh yeah, 109. Hot as hell. Catherine: Anything under 110 is manageable. Above that, crime rate goes way up. (A police siren wails nearby.) Grissom: Sounds like it's getting hotter. SMASH TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. RANCHO CENTER MOTEL (STOCK) -- NIGHT] (A police car turns into the alley behind the motel. Officers are looking in the pool. Warrick is at the trash bin. He jumps inside to sift through the garbage bags. He lifts up a bag and finds a bloodied shirt.) (He checks the shirt and notes the sleeves are clean and that there are no buttons at the cuffs. He checks the label and sees its ANTIQUE SHIRTINGS SEWN FOR 17 1/2-36.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RANCHO CENTER MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT] (Grissom cuts the rope off the woman's wrist. He helps David Phillips turn the body) David Phillips: Well, there's no wallet or ID on this one either. (Grissom notices the bedspread.) Grissom: This looks like a wet spot. (Grissom looks at it under the ALS.8 Grissom: Semen. David Phillips: There's no indication she was re-dressed. It doesn't look like sexual assault. (David takes his clipboard and goes to the second body. Catherine walks up to the bed.) Catherine: So ... middle-class couple ... (She notes the BURGER GIANT cup and packaging in the trash bin.) Catherine: ... takes a walk on the wild side, checks into this dump for ... some fine dining and romance. Somebody breaks in, kills the man, and tortures the woman. For what? David Phillips: Maybe it's a drug thing. Catherine: Well, wouldn't be the first time some nice folks from Henderson came east of Fremont to score. Grissom: Did you find any drug residue or paraphernalia? Catherine: Not yet. Maybe Tox'll find it in them. (Grissom looks down and sees a white Bible under the bed partially hidden by the covers. He picks it up and looks at it. He checks the bedside table drawer and finds the standard Bible in it.) (He shows Catherine both Bibles.) Grissom: We have one too many Bibles. Catherine: I don't think they helped. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. RANCHO CENTER MOTEL - PARKING LOT - NIGHT] (Brass interviews the motel night manager.) Brass: So you didn't hear or see anything suspicious? Night Manager: This job -- you kidding me? That's all I see and all I hear. Brass: Is that the register? Give it to me, give it to me. (The night manager gives the clipboard to Brass.) Night Manager: Oh. Room 106. Paid for the week, cash in advance, signed 'em in myself. Brass: We got a problem. Night Manager: What's the problem? Brass: Your handwriting sucks. What the hell does this say? Night Manager: Oh ... uh ... oh, that. That's the name here and that's, that's a, well, that's an "A." Uh ... and the license plate ... uh ... that's an "N" and -- oh-- that's a "V." That's "Nevada." (He shows the form to Brass.) Brass: (duh) You think? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAWN] [INT. ALLEYWAY -- DAY] (CSI Ronnie Lake takes photos of the dead man found in the alley among the garbage bags while Sara looks at the bugs on it. Officer Mitchell stands nearby watching them.) Sara: Green bloat stage. He's been here at least 18 hours. Ronnie Lake: Do you ever wonder why ants don't crawl up the nose, eat the brains? I would. Protein. Sara: Ants are scavengers; they tend to stay on the surface. Ronnie Lake: You think dead skin tastes better than brains? Sara: Well, they will go for brains late in decomp, after all the skin is gone. Ronnie Lake: Do ants have taste buds? Sara: Ronnie ... I'm going to have to limit you to twenty questions per case. Ronnie Lake: Really? Sara: (amused) Nineteen. Brass: (o.s.) Hey, Sara. (Sara gets up as Brass walks toward them.) Sara: Hey ... Jim. Brass: So ... enjoying the sunshine? Sara: Not really. (She turns to the body.) DB is a derelict. I'm kind of surprised to see you investigating this. Brass: Oh, I'm not working this. I'm working the double homicide over at the Rancho Center Motel. We're just doing a neighborhood sweep for suspects. (He sees Ronnie.) You're new. I'm Jim Brass. Ronnie Lake: Yeah. Ronnie Lake. (They shake hands.) Brass: Right. Ronnie Lake. Like Veronica. You know, the actress? "Sullivan's Travels"? Ronnie Lake: I think that's my dad's favorite movie. (Sara smiles.) Brass: Right. Dispatcher (over radio): Two-zero-three-Charlie, Control. We have a few hookers who used the motel. They're willing to talk. Brass: Yeah, 203-Charlie, I'm on my way. Got to run. Okay. Ronnie Lake: Bye. (Brass waves and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Mandy reports her findings to Catherine as they move through the hallway.) Mandy: So I got a hit off of the print on the motel room's "Do Not Disturb" sign. (Catherine looks at the results.) Catherine: Drug dealer with priors for assault-- nice. Mandy: Yes, well, don't get too excited because I got another hit off of the telephone-- pedophile-- and I got one off of the dresser-a rapist-- and another one off of the bed frame-- a prostitute, a pimp, and another prostitute. Catherine: Is that it? Mandy: For felonies, yes. You want misdemeanors, too? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM -- DAY] (Wendy goes over her findings on the shirt with Warrick. The shirt and photos of the shirt are spread out on the table.) Wendy: So the blood on the shirt belongs to your victims. The high velocity spatter on the front is a mixture of both and the blood drops on the left sleeve appear to solely belong to the woman. Warrick: Probably cast-off from the beating. Wendy: Now, the pattern on the sleeve has a straight line on the outside, and then a matching band of spatter on the inside. So the killer rolled up his sleeves? Warrick: He had a lot of work to do. Wendy: Speaking of which -- the wet spot. (She looks at the results.) The s*x stain was a male-female combo, both unknown, but the female shared alleles at all loci with both of the victims. It's their daughter. Warrick: The parents weren't that old. The girl would be a teenager at most. So the killer caps Mom and Dad, rapes the girl, and takes her with him. (Catherine walks into the room with print information.) Catherine: If you've got a missing kid, I've got a pedophile. (Warrick looks at the information.) Warrick: Alistair Rhodes. Busted in August '94 for child molestation. Wendy: That's pre-CODIS, so there's no DNA on file to match. Warrick: Alistair Rhodes. I remember this guy. He was a lounge singer, called himself "Three Miles of Bad." It was all over the news. Catherine: Well, according to the sheet, he served five years and made parole. A registered s*x offender. We know where he lives. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CHURCH - FRONT STEPS -- DAY] (Rev. Alistair Rhodes talks with two kids sitting on the front steps. He offers them a bag of burgers. The kids take the food.) Rev. Alistair Rhodes: You think those are your fingers itching to pick up the spike? Your hands injecting your veins? "Satan finds mischief still in idle hands." Brass: (o.s.) Alistair Rhodes. (Brass and an officer walk up to him.) Alistair Rhodes: Most people around here just call me "Reverend." Brass: (to the kids) Hey, why don't you guys go super-size those? (He offers the kids a bill. They take it and leave.) Brass: So, Reverend, I hear that confession is good for the soul. You have anything to tell me? Alistair Rhodes: The man you're looking for no longer exists. If you'll excuse me, I have some chores to do. (Alistair Rhodes turns and enters the small church. Brass follows him inside) [INT. CHURCH -- CONTINUING] Brass: You ever been to the Rancho Center Motel? Alistair Rhodes: Plenty of times--with hookers, addicts, drug dealers, pimps, wife beaters, runaways. I save people. Brass: You ever save these two? (Brass shows him the crime scene photo of the two bodies in the motel room. Alistair Rhodes is quiet.) Brass: You know them, don't you? Alistair Rhodes: There's nothing I can tell you. Brass: These people have a daughter, and she's missing. And due to the fact that you're a convicted s*x offender, that means that you better come up with a lot more than these corny priestly homilies and you better come up with them fast. Alistair Rhodes: I don't answer to you. I want to talk to my lawyer. Brass: That's a good idea because you're under arrest. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- DAY] (Warrick enters the A/V Lab where he finds Archie struggling with some equipment.) Warrick: Yo, Rambar, I have some documents to ... Archie: Sh ... piece of junk. (Archie puts the equipment down.) Warrick: Where's Rambar? Archie: Where all state employees go when they fail repeatedly. Warrick: FBI Lab? Archie: Sucking down taxpayer dollars in Quantico as we speak. Me, I like to think I'm broadening my horizons. Warrick: Yeah, along with your pay grade. Archie: Oh, happy coincidence indeed, sir. What you got here? (Warrick gives Archie the motel registration form.) Archie: Wow. Somebody needs to switch to decaf. Warrick: In there somewhere is a Nevada plate number and a name. Can you dig it out? Archie: I could try. (Archie puts the motel registration form on the scanner.) Warrick: The plate number is "something, something, something, D, seven, something, something." (Archie runs the plate number, * * * D 7 * *.) Archie: Okay, well, it's a fairly new model. The four letter, three number configuration has only been standard a couple years. (The computer beeps with 54,756 results.) Warrick: Ooh. Archie: Well, uh ... it's a start. Warrick: Well, can yoy cross-reference these records against the characters in the vic's last name. It's "M, A, blank, blank, blank, I, blank, blank." (Archie runs another search with, "M A * * * I * *.") (The computer beeps.) Warrick: Now that's a good start. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] (The lights go out in a section of the city.) [EXT. MACALINO RESIDENCE -- NIGHT] (Warrick and Nick head up the front walk. An officer is behind them.) Warrick: Alvin and Girlie Macalino. Let's do it. This makes what, the third power outage since summer? Nick: Fourth, actually. If I didn't know any better, I'd say the city was trying to get rid of us. That's a hundred dollar fine right there. (He notes the sprinklers on in the yard.) (They approach the open front door. Nick and Warrick exchange looks.) Nick: That's not good. [INT. MACALINO RESIDENCE - NIGHT -- CONTINUING] (Warrick opens the door.) Warrick: Las Vegas PD. Is anybody home? (He takes his gun out. Nick enters behind him. The officer follows them inside. They note the framed religious pictures on the wall and the cross on another wall.) (They enter in further and note the wooden cross displayed on the dining room table.) (Nick stops.) Nick: It smells metallic. (Nick takes his gun out. He turns to check the kitchen.) (Warrick continues through the living room. There are clothes on the chair and a white Bible on the side table. (Nick sees a pot is on the lit gas stove. He turns the stove off.) (Nick also finds something fleshy and red on the counter.) Nick: Oh, man. What the hell is that? Warrick: That looks like balut. It's this Filipino delicacy. My grandmother's best friend is from Manila. Nick: Bet it tastes like chicken. Warrick: The Macalinos must've been in quite a hurry to leave their dinner out like that. (Warrick and Nick start down the hallway. Nick checks the little girl's room. He finds the little girl in bed, a trickle of blood coming from her head. Warrick steps in after Nick.) Warrick: Oh ... so much for the daughter. [SCENE_BREAK] FADE IN; [INT. MACALINO RESIDENCE - ELIZABETH'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT] (Warrick snaps photos of Elizabeth Macalino. When he finishes, David Phillips pulls the plastic sheet over her head. Some self-powering lights have been set up in the room.) David Phillips: No visible signs of sexual trauma ... if it's any consolation. Warrick: It's not. [INT. MACALINO RESIDENCE -MASTER BEDROOM -- NIGHT] (Grissom finds BURGER GIANT cup on the floor.) Grissom: Burger Giant to go. They were eating it at the motel and someone had it here. Greg: Possible connection? (Greg notes the padlock on the top drawer is open and dangling.) Greg: Hey, maybe we can add robbery to the list. (Grissom walks over. Greg opens the drawer and finds a Wi-Fi card inside. He picks it up.) Greg: Wi-Fi card but no laptop. (Grissom notes the family photo on the dresser.) Grissom: Mom, dad ... and two girls. Greg: They have another daughter? (Grissom listens and in the silence he hears muffled buzzing. He looks up. Greg also noted the sounds.) Greg: Okay, so it's not just the ringing in my ears. (They walk over to the ceiling hatch to the attic. Grissom motions with his head that Greg should open it.) (Greg pulls the ceiling hatch open and a ladder slides out. Grissom and Greg exchange looks. They both look up at the attic door.) [INT. MACALINO RESIDENCE - ATTIC -- CONTINUING] (Grissom climbs in. He looks around and sees that it's another bedroom. The muffled buzzing sounds are louder. Greg enters the attic. They both look around.) (There's a plate of half-eaten food on the floor and some food and a discarded potato chip package on the bedside table.) Greg: One girl gets My Little Pony, the other one ends up here. Grissom: That doesn't seem fair, does it? (Grissom looks over at the overflowing dresser drawer. A bee buzzes across his face. He looks over at the source of the buzzing sounds and sees a bag and box covering the opening.) (He nudges a bee walking on the cooler bag. The bee flies away. Greg is snapping photos. Grissom moves the cooler bag away and looks at the hole in the wall.) Grissom: Greg? Do you have any allergies? Greg: No. Why? Grissom: Give me a hand. (He moves the box away to expose the hole, then removes the insulation blocking the hole. More bees fly out.) (Grissom lies on his back and looks up into the hole. His eyes widen.) (PULL BACK on a colony inside the attic walls.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT] (Brass questions Alistair Rhodes while his lawyer sits next to him.) Brass: The Macalinos had two daughters-- Amy and Elizabeth. Elizabeth is dead, and Amy is missing. Lawyer: That is tragic, but it has nothing to do with my client. Brass: Your fingerprints were found at the motel where the Macalinos were murdered. Lawyer: My client has already explained that. Brass: You know, back before you were saving souls, when you were just molesting children, you had a partner ... Lawyer: Who died in prison eight years ago. Brass: We found male DNA on the bedsheets at the Rancho Center Motel. You got yourself a new partner, just like old times. (Quick flashback to: [MOTEL] Alistair Rhodes holds Amy down on the bed while his partner unbuckles and unzips his pants. End of flashback.) Brass: Only, this time, the parents busted in on you. That was bad for you, but worse for them. And now that mom and dad are never going to come home, you get yourself a whole new playpen to party in and a new buddy to party with. Lawyer: The DNA at the motel -- was it my client's? Brass: No. Lawyer: Then why is he still in custody? (Brass sits down.) Brass: Because he's still lying. You're not an ordained minister. You're not a part of any recognized church. You got nothing to hide behind. So avoid the death penalty -- give us your partner, we get the girl, and you get ... redemption. Lawyer: Six years ago, I was an alcoholic and a crackhead. This man pulled me out of the gutter and saved my life. My firm is doing this pro bono. I guarantee he will not do another day in jail. Alistair Rhodes: My partner ... is the Lord. Brass: Well, I'm sure it's not His DNA on those sheets. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY OUTSIDE FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (Bodies on gurneys line both walls. The doors open. Sara and Ronnie walk in.) Ronnie Lake: So anyway, when I graduated I got offers from both the labs in New York and Miami. Know why I picked Vegas? Sara: I know you have nine questions left. Ronnie Lake: Crime rate's growing faster here. (Ronnie follows Sara into the autopsy room.) [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- NIGHT] (Sara snaps photos as Ronnie removes the shoe off the old man's foot. We see the size 7 sticker still stuck to the underside of the sock.) Ronnie Lake: All of his ... um ... valuables in a rubber-band wad. No ID. Sara: Check the shirt pocket. Ronnie Lake: I was getting there. (She finds the ID in the shirt pocket.) Ronnie Lake: Hah. Driver's license. Expired. Edward Kaye, born 1-28-51. Sara: New socks. Happy face sandwich wrapper. It's got to be handouts from a shelter. Make some calls. You get to ask some questions, Ronnie. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. RHODES RESIDENCE -- DAY] (Nick and Warrick search Alistair Rhodes' place. They go through the bookshelves and the sheets on the bed.) Warrick: You know, if I had to gauge it by his apartment, I'd say that Alistair Rhodes is a regular guy. Nick: Yeah, I'm sure that's what he wants everybody to think, too. (Nick checks under the mattress. Warrick checks the closet. Nick opens the flip-down ironing board. Warrick checks the shirts in the closet.) Warrick: Hey, Nick. For a guy with his own flip-down ironing board, these shirts look pretty wrinkled. (Nick checks the flip-down ironing board space, banging on the wooden walls. He checks the board and finds there's a hole under the cover. He cuts the cover open and finds digital videotapes inside. The tapes are numbered.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- DAY] (Warrick and Nick hurry to the A/V Lab.) Nick: Hey, Archie. Archie: Yo. (Nick tosses the evidence bag to Archie.) Nick: Whatever you're doing, that's more important. (Archie looks at the tapes in the bag.) Archie: Roman numerals one through six. (He holds the bag to his forehead and jokes.) All right, let me guess. Star Wars bootlegs. Warrick: Child pornography. (Archie quits joking.) Warrick: Start with the latest first. Archie: Yeah. (Archie opens the bag and sits down. He pop tape IV in the machine and hits play and rewind. The tape plays as it rewinds. The view is UPSIDE DOWN as if someone dropped the camera on the floor. The camera turns UPRIGHT and they see two men fighting as a woman is tied to the bed.) Warrick: That's enough. Let it play. (They play the tape.) (The young woman tied to the bed screams as Reverend Alistair Rhodes shouts to her.) Alistair Rhodes: (from tape) ... bang you with chains of iron! Come from her now! (The young woman on the tape screams as Alistair Rhodes hits her with the white Bible.) Alistair Rhodes: (from tape) Back, pandemonium! Back, confusion! Leave ... this ... Alvin Macalino: (from tape) Stop it! That's enough! Alistair Rhodes: (from tape) ... girl! Alvin Macalino: (from tape) Hey, stop, stop! Alistair Rhodes: (from tape) Now, spirit! (Alvin grabs Rhodes and pulls him away from the bed. Rhodes knocks the camera over. Mrs. Macalino runs over to her husband.) Mrs. Macalino: (from tape) Why did you stop him?! Alvin Macalino: (from tape) He was hurting her! Mrs. Macalino: (from tape) No! (Warrick, Nick and Archie watch the video.) Warrick: This isn't kiddie p0rn. Nick: It's an exorcism. Alistair Rhodes: (from tape) This is your fault. You didn't believe. You didn't believe. (Alistair Rhodes gets up off the floor, his mouth bleeding. His picture clear on the video.) [SCENE_BREAK] FADE IN; INSERT: IMAGES OF THE EXORCISM (Amy Macalino is tied to the bed. She hisses and screams while Alistair Rhodes shouts and hits her with the Bible. Mrs. Macalino stands nearby, watching.) Alistair Rhodes: Come from her now! (Amy Macalino screams.) Alistair Rhodes: Back, pandemonium! Back, confusion! Leave ... this ... girl ... now! Alvin Macalino: Stop it! That's enough! Mrs. Macalino: Why did you stop him?! Alvin Macalino: He was hurting her! Mrs. Macalino: No! Alistair Rhodes: Amy's not here. Alvin Macalino: No, let go! Alistair Rhodes: It's your fault. You didn't believe. You didn't believe. FLASH OUT TO: [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Brass is back interviewing Alistair Rhodes with his lawyer present.) Alistair Rhodes: I've helped other people cast out the Devil before. Brass: Videos one through five. LAWYER: I advised the reverend to document his rituals for situations just like this. He performed a religious service with the full consent of the parents and then he left the motel room. Brass: Look, if you think we're going to fall for that, you have a lot more faith than I thought. (Grissom is in the room watching the interview.) Lawyer: He has no knowledge of the deaths or of Amy Macalino's current whereabouts. Brass: Counselor, is this your idea of cooperation? Alistair Rhodes: L-listen to me. Listen to me. The mother came to me ... at her wit's end, heart in her hand, begging me, begging me to free her child. She said she'd tried doctors and pills, but nothing worked, so I went to the house, I saw it with my own eyes. INSERT: FLASHBACK (Alistair Rhodes climbs up the ladder to the attic. Amy is on the bed. She looks at him.) Amy Macalino: (rasps) It hurts. (She growls and screams at him.) Amy Macalino: Let ... me ... out of here! (She screams and rages.) END FLASHBACK. Alistair Rhodes: (whispers) The thing in that house ... it wasn't Amy. It wasn't human. I had to cast it out. Grissom: Did it work? (Grissom walks over and sits at the table across from Rhodes.) Grissom: The exorcism-- did it work? Alistair Rhodes: No. Amy's father broke the rules: never speak to it, never interrupt, and believe me completely, do only as I say. Grissom: And he didn't believe. Alistair Rhodes: Mr. Grissom, do you believe in a separate, living evil? Grissom: You're primitive man on the savannah. You see something move out of the corner of your eye. You assume it's a hyena. You run, you live. If you assume it's the wind and you're wrong, you die. We have the genes of the ones who ran. We're genetically hardwired to believe living forces that we cannot see. Alistair Rhodes: The Devil's slyest trick is making us believe he isn't real. But call his name loud and long enough ... (He knocks on the table.) ... guess who comes knocking on your door? Brass: Usually guys like you. Look, enough with the Sunday school bull. This meeting is over, the deal is off. Lawyer: We've answered your questions. Alistair Rhodes: I told you the truth. You have to let me leave. Lawyer: He's right about that. If you're not charging him with anything ... Brass: We're charging you with assault. Lawyer: Fine. We'll make bail. You'll be out of here in six hours. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM] (Robbins goes over his findings with Sara over the photos on the table.) Robbins: Multiple contusions on the face, subdural hematomas. This guy was definitely roughed up. Sara: COD? Robbins: Being homeless in Las Vegas. Cardiac arrest due to dehydration. Sara: Thanks, Doc. Robbins: Anytime. (Robbins turns to leave. He passes Ronnie on her way in.) Robbins: Hi, Ronnie. Ronnie Lake: Hi. (to Sara) I faxed the DB's photo to various indigent organizations. Shelter on Rancho and Main ID'd him as a regular. Their special this week was socks and sandwiches. Rancho and Main is less than a mile from where we found him. Bum got into a fight -- business as usual -- and died of exposure, right? Oops, that was a question. I know, I'm down to four, but, I mean, that's it -- case closed, right? Sara: What does that look like to you? Ronnie Lake: Perimortem abrasions ... parallel, double rails. It's handcuffs. Cops must have picked him up before he died. Sara: Maybe that's not all they did. Ronnie Lake: Well, that's a guess. Sara: What is the first thing that the police do when they question a suspect? Ronnie Lake: Check for ID. Standard procedure. Sara: Eddie Kaye's only identification was an expired driver's license found separated from all of his worldly possessions. (Sara picks up the bagged license and sighs as she looks at it.) Sara: Print it. Ronnie Lake: Well, you're not seriously going to go after the cops over something like this? Sara: You know what? That question I will answer. We're not here to protect anyone, Ronnie, not even the cops. We're here to figure out what happened. If you can't do that, you should get a different job. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - PARKING LOT -- DAY] (Officer Casella) Sara: Officer Casella? Officer Casella: That's me. Sara: I'm Sara Sidle, I'm with the Crime Lab. This is my partner, Ronnie Lake. Ronnie Lake: Hi. Sara: Can you tell me why your fingerprints were found on this? (She shows him an enlarged copy of Eddie Kaye's driver's license.) Officer Casella: Well, sure, I touched it. Sara: What else did you touch? Officer Casella: Uh ... I'm sorry, what do you mean? Sara: Did you strike this man? Officer Casella: Okay, are you trying to jam me up? Ronnie Lake: We're not trying to do anything. Sara: Where'd you get the bruise, Casella? Officer Casella: I got it doing my job. INSERT: FLASHBACK TO: (Edward Kaye and another man fight over a sandwich.) Officer Casella: (V.O.) A couple of train wrecks were slugging it out over this crap sandwich. I try to save them from themselves, but no good deed goes unpunished, so ... uh ... one of 'em takes a poke at me. (Eddie slugs Officer Casella. He then handcuffs him.) Officer Casella: (V.O.) So I cuff him up, I check his ID. I'm ready to run him in, but my partner says to drop it. (He checks his ID.) END FLASHBACK. Officer Casella: He says this is an old bum trick, right, like take a swing at a cop, you go to jail where they have AC, they have food, they have water. I can't believe I almost fell for that. Sara: I kind of wish you had. The man died. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MACALINO RESIDENCE -- DAY] (Greg is outside checking the grounds. He finds a small puddle of water and something in it. He snaps a photo and takes a gun out of the water.) (The VIN number is intact. He releases the chamber. Sara turns the corner and sees Greg with the gun.) Sara: Wow. What do you got there, Greg? Greg: .22 handgun. Looks like it could be the murder weapon. You off the clock? (Greg takes a bag out.) Sara: Yeah. Good job. Greg: Thanks. How you doing? Sara: Well, I've had better days. You missing me yet? Greg: A little more every day. Grissom's in the attic. Still. (Sara smiles and heads inside.) [INT. MACALINO RESIDENCE -- DAY] (Grissom is carrying a box with the bees. Sara walks in and finds him.) Sara: Hey. Grissom: Hey. Bee frame. Inside, I've got the queen, the workers, the whole colony. Sara: You're looting the crime scene of its bees? Grissom: I cleared it with Animal Control. This colony is healthy. I need it to study Colony Collapse Disorder. Bees are dying in record numbers everywhere. Sara: You know, I did read that if every bee on earth died, the human race would follow four years later. Grissom: There's no hard evidence to support that, though. Sara: Oh. Grissom: But the world will end ... someday. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. STREET -- NIGHT] (A police car cruises around the streets.) [INT. OFFICER CAR (CRUISING) - NIGHT] (The officers run the license plates of several cars they see on the road.) Officer 1: You don't think that's cheating? Anybody can get their hands on that stuff. My kid can get "the Clear," the cream. (to radio) Dispatch, we have plate number David-Paul William-Robert-one-eight-four, multiple warrants, parking violations. Officer 2: Maybe we should juice up all the players. Level the field, be more entertaining for me. Officer 1: You are one sick twist, my friend, you know that? (They continue running plates.) Computer: Stolen vehicle. Officer 1: Hold up. Dispatch, we have plate number Paul-Robert-Zebra-David-seven-five-zero. Stolen vehicle, outstanding homicide. At Koval, off Las Vegas Boulevard. Dispatcher: (from radio) Wanted for murder. Code six. Officer 1: (to officer 2) Back up. (They back up the car to put the parked stolen car into view. Officer 2 shines a floodlight on the car and it's obvious that someone is ducked down in the passenger seat.) (The male driver sits up and starts the car. He takes off. The police car siren wails as it chases after them BACKWARD.) (The police car keeps up. The station wagon turns to exit the parking lot and smashes into the police car. Both cars come to a stop. The two officers run out of the car with their guns drawn.) Officer: Hands, let me see your hands! OFFICER: Out of the car now! OFFICER: Get your hands up! (The man driving the car gets out, his hands up.) Officer 2: Let me see your hands! Get out of the car. (Officer 2 opens the door for the woman to get out.) Officer 2: Hands! (The woman has her hands up.) Officer 1: You know who we're looking for, scumbag -- Amy Macalino. Where is she? Amy Macalino: I'm Amy. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. HOSPITAL - AMY'S ROOM -- NIGHT] (Amy stares out in front of her as the nurse writes in the chart.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT] (Andrew Wolflynn sits inside the interview room.) PULL BACK to the - [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - OBSERVATION ROOM - CONTINUOUS] (Brass is in the observation room with a hooker, Divine.) Brass: So you're sure you never saw this guy before? Divine: That guy? Uh-uh, no. Okay, but this guy, uh-huh. (She picks up the photo of Rhodes.) Uh-huh, he was definitely at the Rancho Center Motel. He was there ... um ... three nights ago. Had his little camera with him and everything. Brass: Camera? Divine: Yeah, like video camera and all that stuff. Brass: That helps, thanks. Thanks for your cooperation. Divine: Um ... don't I get a reward? Brass: Yeah, you get to leave. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL - AMY'S ROOM -- NIGHT] (Catherine walks in with her kit.) Catherine: Hi, Amy. I'm Catherine Willows, I'm with the crime lab. Amy Macalino: You here to probe me? Catherine: Swab. (Catherine puts her kit down. Amy pushes the sheets down off her lap. Catherine stops her.) Catherine: No, no, Amy, this, this is ... um ... this is in the mouth. Staff tells me that you've already gone through the SAE kit. Amy Macalino: They tell you I'm all banged up inside? Catherine: Not in those words. Amy ... the man that took you ... he cannot hurt you again. We've got him. Amy Macalino: Then can I go? W-w-where's my clothes? Catherine: Well, they're evidence for now, but you'll get them back. The clothes that you wore -- were they yours or ... did he make you wear them? (Amy looks at Catherine.) Amy Macalino: He made me do a lot of things. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT] (Brass interviews Andrew Wolflynn.) Brass: Andrew Wolflynn. Bet your friends call you Wolf, huh? So I'm going to call you Wolf. You can call me Jim. (Warrick is in the observation room watching the interview.) Brass: You know, it's really exciting to meet such a hyphenate. You know what I mean? I mean, you're a triple threat. You know, kidnapper-rapist-auteur. Do you like making movies? Andrew Wolflynn: What are you talking about? Brass: Kiddie p0rn. Andrew Wolflynn: No. No, n-no, no way, no-not me, man. Brass: No, not just you -- you and a partner. (Quick flashback to: [MOTEL] Alistair Rhodes sets up the camera while Andrew Wolflynn is at the bed with Amy.) Brass: (V.O.) He shoots, you score. (End flashback.) Brass: It must be a really good business. Low budget, high profits ... unless you get caught. [INT. HOSPITAL - AMY'S ROOM -- NIGHT] (Catherine swabs Amy's mouth.) Catherine: I've contacted Child Services. You'll have to stay there for at least tonight. Do you have any relatives? Amy Macalino: Not anymore. Catherine: I've got a daughter. She's almost your age. Amy Macalino: Maybe we should hang out. Catherine: There'll be some counselors there that you can talk to and ... take as much time as you need and ... whenever you're ready, to go back to school. Where do you go? Amy Macalino: Jefferson. Catherine: Jefferson High? I don't know that one. Amy Macalino: Jefferson Middle. Catherine: Amy, what grade are you in? Amy Macalino: Sixth. I'm 12. (Catherine looks confused.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT] (Brass continues to talk with Andrew Wolflynn.) Brass: We got your fingerprints, your semen. I mean, we got you in the dead couple's car working to bang their kidnapped daughter. We got ... did I leave anything out? Oh, yeah, we got your gun. Andrew Wolflynn: I don't own a gun. Brass: No, you know, we checked the serial number. It belongs to your grandmother. But you know ... and you know, it must be really hard to get that gun off ol' granny. (Brass walks around Andrew to check his collar.) Andrew Wolflynn: What the hell are you doing? Brass: I'm just checking your shirt size. I might want to give you a Christmas present. 17 1/2, 36. You know what? I was leaving something out, Wolf. We got your shirt soaked not in one but both of the victims' blood. You see, this is what we call slam dunk. You're going to jail. You're going to do time. But why do it alone? Don't be a patsy. Just tell us the name of your partner. Come on, share with a friend. And you know what? You don't even have to tell me his name. All you have to do ... is point. (Brass shows him Rhodes' photo. Andrew shakes his head.) Brass: Hmm? Andrew Wolflynn: I've never seen that guy before in my life. Brass: Come on, you can do better than that. (In the observation room, Warrick notices that Andrew's cuffs are opened and flipped back over his wrist.) Andrew Wolflynn: I want a lawyer. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM -- NIGHT] (Warrick is back in the layout room with the bloodied shirt. He measures the void on the sleeves. He marks it on a separate shirt.) (He tries the shirt on, then tries to roll the sleeves up to the line on the shirt. He can't do it. Catherine walks in.) Catherine: What are you doing? Warrick: Hey. I'm trying to make some sense out of the spatter. Now, we've already determined that the ... the killer rolled up his sleeves when he murdered the motel victims, but when I found the shirt, the cuffs were buttoned, and I'm not much bigger than this guy. And look. This is as far as the sleeves go up. (He shows her that he can only roll them up to a little past his wrist.) Catherine: Would you give me the shirt off your back? Warrick: Sure. Here you go. (He helps Catherine put the shirt on.) Catherine: Okay. (Catherine rolls the sleeves up to the line.) Catherine: Easy. Warrick: So Wolflynn wasn't wearing the shirt, was he? Catherine: I guess Amy was. A trophy after s*x. (Grissom walks in.) Grissom: Hey. I have something I'd like you to see. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB - NIGHT] (Grissom clicks on the icon to open the computer information.) Grissom: The Macalino family computer was recovered from the stolen car. Archie ... found the chat logs. (Grissom opens the log. It reads: Wolfman: You look so hot in that photo. Wolfman: We need to meet soon! Amy17: If you could take me out where would - Wolfman: Any where you want? Amy17: Anywhere is better than here. Amy17: I'm lonely. Wolfman: so lets meat somewhere. Amy17: I can't. Wolfman: Y? Whatcha doing? Amy17: about to shower. Wolfman: You hot and sticky? Warrick: A lot of traffic between Amy and the "Wolfman." Grissom: Keep reading. CLOSE-UP OF MONITOR: Amy17: How bad do U want me? CLOSE-UP OF MONITOR: Wolfman: I can taste it. CLOSE-UP OF MONITOR: Amy17: Talks is cheap. Amy17: Prove it. Warrick: It looks like Amy's luring the Wolfman. (The remainder of the screen reads: Wolfman: I'll do anything! Amy17: R U bad enough? Amy17: R U my badboy? Wolfman: Damn straight. Grissom: What would you do if you found this on Lindsey's computer? Catherine: Ground her for life. Take the laptop. Grissom: Lock her in the attic, maybe? Catherine: Well, you push kids, they push back. Things can get out of hand pretty quick. CLOSE-UP OF MONITOR: Amy17: I need a bad MAN. Grissom: The Macalinos were pushed all the way to an exorcism. Now, Alistair Rhodes says that he left the motel when his ritual failed. The video shows the father tried to stop it. He probably untied her. Right? Catherine: So Amy escapes, she goes and gets her knight in shining armor. Warrick: Yeah, Wolf and his .22 caliber. CLOSE-UP OF MONITOR: Amy17: Can U handle it? Catherine: They return to the motel. CLOSE-UP OF MONITOR: Wolfman: Yeah. CLOSE-UP OF MONITOR: Amy17: Handle me? Catherine: The parents are gone, but the room's still paid for. CLOSE-UP OF MONITOR: Wolfman: Hell, yeah. Catherine: They have s*x and burgers. Warrick: And Amy calls her mom and dad, who come back because they still love her. CLOSE-UP OF MONITOR: Amy17: Let's do it. Catherine: Dad gets killed first ... quick, but Mom, the true believer, the one who wanted to drive out the demons, she has to suffer. (Quick flashback of: [MOTEL ROOM] Amy gleefully hits her mom on the bed. End flashback.) Grissom: And Amy goes home to get her computer ... and kills her little sister. Catherine: I'll call Brass. We'll go pick Amy up. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CPS -- NIGHT] (Amy Macalino sits alone in the room. She smiles. There's a knock at the door.) CPS Attendant: Amy, there's somebody here to see you. Could you come with me, please? (Amy swings her legs over to the side of the bed.) [INT. CPS - STAIRWAY - CONTINUING] (Amy and the CPS attendant head up the stairs.) [INT. CPS - VISITING ROOM - CONTINUING] (The CPS attendant leads Amy up to the visiting room.) CPS Attendant: Just wait in here. (Amy steps into the room to wait. The CPS attendant leaves.) (Amy looks up as Alistair Rhodes steps into the room. He closes the door behind him.) [INT. CPS - LOBBY - CONTINUING] (The front door opens. Catherine, Brass and an officer step in.) Catherine: We need to see Amy Macalino. CPS Attendant: Popular girl tonight. She's upstairs with her minister. (Brass turns and heads for the stairs.) Brass: (to the officer) Let's go! (Brass and the officer head up the stairs.) Catherine: Her what? (to radio) Control, this is Willows. I'm at CPS. I need backup. Code Three now. (Brass and the officer head up the stairs.) (Amy screams.) (Catherine looks up at the topmost floor.) Alistair Rhodes: I cast you out! (Rhodes pushes Amy off the railing. Amy screams as she falls and lands at Catherine's feet.) (Catherine gasps.) (Brass and the officer reach Rhodes, their guns out.) Brass: Alistair, turn around. Turn around. Now! (Rhodes turns around with his hands up.) Brass: Get down on your knees. (Rhodes slowly gets down to his knees.) Alistair Rhodes: I saved her. I saved her. (The officer handcuffs Rhodes.) (Brass shakes his head. Rhodes gets to his feet and the officer leads him away.) (TOP VIEW DOWN: Amy is dead on the lobby floor in a pool of blood. Catherine looks at her.) (After a moment, Catherine starts taking photos of Amy. The officer takes the CPS attendant's statement in the back of the lobby.) (Grissom walks in with his kit.) (Catherine looks at Grissom. Grissom shakes his head, then looks up at the floor above them. He puts his kit down and looks around. He stops when he sees something.) (There on the floor is a dead bee. Grissom picks it up and looks at it. He looks back at Amy's body.) (HOLD on GRISSOM.)

The team investigates the murder of a couple and their younger daughter, and the disappearance of their older daughter ( Britt Robertson ), who is believed to be possessed by the devil. Meanwhile Sara and a new CSI, Ronnie, investigate the death of a homeless man found on a garbage pile.

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_02x21

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_02x21_0

(Seattle Scenes) MVO: My college campus has a magic statue. (SGH Façade) MVO: It's a long-standing tradition for students to rub it's nose for good luck. (Doctor is writing on OR board) MVO: My freshman roommate really believed in the statue's power... (Meredith and Addison in scrub room) MVO: ...and insisted on visiting it to rub it's nose before every exam. (Meredith watches Addison take off her wedding ring and pin it to her scrubs. After pinning them on, Addison pats them for good measure.) (Burke is speaking with a nurse.) Burke: Are you sure my scrub caps weren't in the laundry delivery? Nurse: I triple-checked. Burke: You're sure? Nurse: Yeah, I'm sure. MVO: Studying might have been a better idea. She flunked out her sophomore year. But the fact is we all have little superstitious things that we do. (Derek is getting ready to start operating) Derek: All right, everybody. It's a beautiful morning to save lives. Let's have some fun. MVO: If it's not believing in magic statues, it's avoiding sidewalk cracks, or always putting out left shoe on first. (Bailey is at an operating table, she takes a few breaths before starting) Bailey: Ok. MVO: Knock on wood. Bailey: Ten blade. (Addison and Meredith's surgery) MVO: Step on a crack, break your mother's back. (A blood vessel bursts and the monitor starts beeping) (Burke's OR) Burke: Paddles. (Cristina hands him the interior heart paddles) Burke: Ten joules. (The monitor starts beeping) (Derek's OR) Anesthesiologist: He's having a reaction. I have to take him off. Derek: I'm in the middle of his brain. (Monitor starts beeping) (Bailey's OR) Bailey: We're losing him. (Monitor starts beeping) (Derek's OR. A nurse is removing his head gear, the patient has obviously died.) (Burke's OR. A nurse is removing his head gear, the patient has obviously died.) (Bailey's OR, the patient has obviously died) Bailey: Time of death... (Burke's OR) Burke: Time of death... (Derek's OR) Derek: Time of death... (Addison's OR) Addison: Call it, Grey. MVO: The last thing we want to do is offend the gods. Meredith: Time of death 8:17. (The interns are in the locker room, changing.) George: Four surgeries, four fatalities and the day has barely started. (To Cristina) Can I have a bite of that? Cristina: No. You're in my apartment, you don't get to be in my food. George: Dr. Burke gave me a protein bar, this morning. Cristina: Burke packs his lunch for him. Did I mention? Izzie: I talked to the morgue guy this morning. Meredith: The one with the unibrow? Izzie: The one with the like teeth thing. And he said that surgical fatalities come in threes and sevens. Says there'll be three more before midnight. Cristina: Well, ok then. Since "dead tooth" morgue guy said so. Izzie: He's the morgue guy. He knows things about death. (Meredith picks up something from the floor and tries to hand it to George) Meredith: You dropped this. (George doesn't take it and walks away) He's still ignoring me. Cristina: Ignore him back. Meredith: Derek says I should apologize until he listens. Cristina: Derek says? Meredith: It's good advice. He's my friend. That's good friend advice. (Alex walks up and pulls Izzie aside) Izzie: What? Alex: Did you sneak out last night? Izzie: Yeah. I, um...I couldn't sleep. (Bailey enters) Bailey: Come on. Meredith: Where? Bailey: ER. George: All of us? Bailey: We've all had deaths. Let's all go save a life. (They all begin walking through the hall, as they walk by the nurse's station Addison stops them.) Addison: Uh, Dr. Bailey. (Hands her a cup) Here you go. Bailey: What's this? Addison: Hot cocoa. It's a little ritual we had in New York. Four surgeries, four deaths, I figure we could all use a little good juju. Bailey: And cocoa equals juju how? Addison: Hey, hey, hey. Don't question the cocoa. Carry on. (They all start to walk away, Meredith is trailing behind.) Meredith. (Hands her a cup) Thank you for your help this morning. Meredith: Oh. Thank you, Addison. Addison: Yeah. Thank you. (Derek observes the exchange between Meredith and Addison. After Meredith leaves he walks up.) Addison: Here you go. (She hands him a cup) Derek: Juju. Addison: Yep. Derek: You jujued Meredith. Addison: I did. In the spirit of friendship. Derek: Hmm. Addison: What? Are we not being friends with Meredith anymore? Derek: No, no, we are. Meredith and I are friends. Addison: And you and I are married. So then, by proxy, Meredith and I are friends. Derek: That's very big of you. Addison: Yeah. Derek: You don't have to do that. It's not like I'm gonna be friends with let's say, uh...Mark. Addison: Yeah, well, neither am I. Now finish your juju before somebody else dies. Derek: Hmm. (Meredith enters a room where she throws away the cup of juju.) (Burke is walking through the hallway talking on his cell phone.) Burke: There are ten of them. Music notes. Colorful patterns. They were sent out last night. (Burke walks up to the OR board where Richard is standing) Richard: Sorry to hear about your valve replacement, this morning. Burke: The laundry misplaced my scrub caps. Richard: You know, there's some foolish talk going around about fatality clusters in threes and sevens. Burke (On phone): Look, are you sure they weren't sent to another hospital? Richard: (To Nurse who is erasing the OR board) How many electives have they canceled today? Nurse: This is our third. Richard: And what have the surgeons' been giving as their reasons? Burke (On phone): Because I prefer my own caps. Richard: You're not pushing your surgeries because you don't have your personal caps. You understand me? Burke (Looking confused): I didn't push any surgeries. (On phone) No, no. The question is: when will you find them? (Burke walks away) Richard: No one changes that board unless they talk to me. No one. (Bailey and her interns are gathered around a silent ER) Cristina: Great. No blood, no guts, no lives to save. It's dead quiet. Bailey: Did you really just say that? Izzie: Cristina... Cristina: What? George: You said the Q-word. Izzie: It's like saying Macbeth in theater. Cristina: Please. You think because someone says it's quiet that it'll mean... (ER doors open) Woman: Can somebody help us here? She's coughing up blood. Bailey: O'Malley! Take that. (Everyone's pagers start beeping) Alex: Denny Duquette. Izzie: I got it. Alex: He's my patient. Bailey: He's both your patients. Answer the call. Nurse: Two incoming. (Ambulance bay) Bailey: Ok, uh, Yang, first one's yours. Grey, take number two. Paramedic: Jesse Fannon, 32, unrestrained driver in a rear end collision. There was spider webbing on the front windshield where his head hit. BP's 120 palp. Pulse 75. Bailey: Well, what do you want to do, Yang? (Man is counting on his fingers) Cristina: Primary and secondary survey. Uh, head CT and X-ray. Bailey: Ok. Page Shepherd when you get there. Jesse: Wait! I'm counting the siren whoops. We can't go until it reaches 33. Paramedic: He also seems to have a touch of OCD. (Other ambulance) Paramedic: Nikki Ratlin, 30, erratic BP in the field. Complaining of chest and leg pain. Meredith: What happened? Nikki: I got struck by lightning. Cristina: Can anyone spell coincidence? (ER) Nikki: My horoscope said, "Stay close to home today." Aries couldn't have been any clearer. Ok, I guess it could have said, "Don't leave the house today unless you want to get struck by lightning." Ouch. Bailey: See, Ms. Ratlin, you have no sign of wounds from lightning. Nikki: It was a sign. Clearly getting struck by lightning is a sign. I sign that I shouldn't have left my house. Meredith: Nikki, normally people struck by lightning have a wound where the bolt entered and exited the body. Nikki: Well...well, I wasn't struck struck. The tree was struck and it fell on me. Meredith: A tree fell on you? Nikki: A big, like, branch or limb, Whatever. Same difference. (Bailey scribbles on the paper that she had been writing on and crumbles it up.) Bailey: No, actually, medically, it isn't the same difference. And it would be helpful if from now on you told us the whole truth. Nikki: You want to know the truth? My boyfriend loves that tree. He's totally going to freak out. Ow. (George runs up to Richard in the hall) George: Chief? There's a Ms. Warner down in Admitting. She's asking for you. Richard: Who? (Richard and George get in the elevator) George: Um, Olive Warner? Fifties. Uh, blonde hair. She said she's known you for about 20 years. Richard: Are you talking about Ollie? George: Right. Ok. Uh, Ollie Warner. She presented with upper GI bleeding. And she had a TIPSS procedure last month for esophageal varices. (Richard and George exit the elevator, he walks up the woman who had been coughing up blood.) Richard: I'll take this from here, O'Malley. George: Happy to help, sir. Richard: No, thank you. I got this myself. (To Woman) Ollie. Ollie: Hi, Richard. Good to see you. (Alex and Izzie are in Denny's room) Alex: Sinus tachycardia, low-grade fever, pulse ox 75. Izzie: I'm hearing rales in your lungs. Denny: Yeah. A freight train rolls through at noon. Izzie: How bad is the pain? Denny: I don't know. A five or six when I breathe. Alex: Which means a seven or eight when you're not trying to impress your doctor. Denny: Heard, uh, four people died in surgery this morning. Sid they were expecting three more. Alex: You get that from a nurse? Denny: Never reveal my sources. Just like to avoid the OR. (Alex and Izzie exchange looks) And I'm not liking that look. (Izzie sits on the edge of Denny's bed) Izzie: This could be a pulmonary embolism, Denny. A complication from the LVAD surgery. We gonna have to talk to Dr. Burke. (Alex clears his throat and Izzie stands up) (Meredith and Cristina are in the elevator with their patients) Meredith: I got hot chocolated. The She-Shepherd hot chocolated me. It's her juju. Cristina: I don't like people who say juju. Nikki: I say juju. Jesse: Juju, juju, juju. Juju, juju, juju. Juju, juju, juju. Meredith: I didn't drink it. Jesse: Juju, juju, juju. Nikki: You're not obligated to honor someone else's juju. Jesse: Juju, juju, juju. Cristina: Thought you were being friends. Jesse: Juju, juju, juju. Meredith: I am. With him. Do I have to be friends with her too? Jesse: Juju, juju, juju. Nikki: Definitely not. Jesse: Juju, juju, juju. Cristina: Maybe. Jesse. Juju, juju, juju. Meredith: I'll, uh, call psych for you. Cristina: That'd be good. Thanks. Nikki (Screaming): Ow! Ow! (Callie is setting Nikki's broken leg.) Callie: All right. That's the worst of it. Nikki: Oh, I never should have gotten out of bed. But I really wanted to surprise my boyfriend before he left for school. He had a huge exam today and I just, you know, I wanted to wish him luck. (George enters the room) George: Dr. Torres. Hey. Hi. Uh, can I give you a hand? Callie: You missed the boat, George. George: You mean on this case or...? Callie: Or...a hot chick gives you her number, you're supposed to call. Nikki: Yeah. George: I...I was...I mean, I am. Callie: Too late. Nikki: Ouch. Don't give up. I mean, if you really like her. (Meredith enters) George: Uh...ok. (George leaves) Nikki: Ok, the plot thickens. Callie: Nikki, Dr. Grey here is going to take you upstairs for a CT. But before she does, I have to ask: you're bruised all up and down your left side. You sure a tree branch did all this? Nikki: You think my boyfriend did this? He would never hit a woman. Ever. Callie: Mm-hmm. The bruises doesn't look like a tree branch hit you. Nikki: Fine. Ok, you guys are going to think I'm really weird, but I was sort of up in the tree when the lightning hit. And...I fell. Callie: You climbed a tree in a thunderstorm? Nikki: I really wanted it to be a surprise, you know, for my boyfriend. And...um, I just...I had to see if his psycho dog was in the yard because of, like, the barking and stuff and...I know. It sounds really weird. Does it sound really weird? Meredith: Not at all. Callie: No. Nikki: and this thing is, I mean, he wasn't even there. Meredith: The dog? Nikki: No. My boyfriend. He wasn't even home. I really shouldn't have gotten out of bed. (Derek walks by Cristina, she stops him) Cristina: Oh, Dr. Shepherd. I've got a 34-year-old male with a blunt head trauma and severe case of OCD. Derek: Oh, really. Did you call for a psych consult? Cristina: Yes. Derek: Let me know when you get a CT. Cristina: Ok. Derek: Thank you. (Derek walks away and Burke walks up) Burke: Hey. Cristina: Hey. Hey, uh, sorry about that, uh, valve replacement. Burke: Oh, thank you. Laundry lost my caps. Cristina: The guy didn't die because you weren't wearing one of your caps. Burke: I know that. I just prefer to operate wearing my own. It's a comfort thing. Cristina: Huh, well...I prefer having George out of our apartment. So I guess we both have comfort things. Burke: Yeah, what are you saying? Cristina: Uh, you know, um...I have one of your caps in my locker. Burke: Why do you have one of my caps... Cristina: That's not the point. You know, the point is, um, is that I think I'm going to keep it hostage. So you kick Bambi out and you get your cap back. Burke: Oh, well. I don't do well with ultimatums. Cristina: Maybe you should think of it more as a...trade. (Cristina walks away and George exits the elevator) George: Dr. Burke. I've got free time. Do you have any cases, do you need help... Burke: Actually, I do. (They both get into the elevator) Burke: Cristina has something of mine and I need you to get it back. (Richard enters Ollie's room. A young lady is in the room with Ollie.) Richard: Gretchen, would you mind leaving us alone for a minute? Gretchen: Ok. Richard: Thank you. Ollie: She's my new baby. Six months sober, she's already on the ninth step. Richard: You must be proud. Ollie: Always. Richard: You're on a transplant list, Ollie? Ollie: A couple of years now. Richard: The cirrhosis prevents blood from flowing into your liver. So it's backing up into your esophagus. Causing the ruptures. It's serious, Oll. Ollie: Well, of course it is. I mean, you don't puke blood if it's not serious. The question is: can you treat it? Richard: Maybe. Surgically. We'll have to run more tests and...whatever we do, it's a stop-gap. You need a new liver. Ollie: Yet another reason I should've laid off the sauce. You look scared. Richard: I am scared, Ollie. Ollie: Haven't seen you at a meeting in a while. Richard: I know, I know. Ollie: How've you been? Richard: We're talking about you. Ollie: Now I'm asking about you. Richard: Ellis Grey's daughter's working at the hospital. Ellis is in a nursing home with Alzheimer's. I try to go see her every chance I get. Ollie: You're having an affair with the woman who drove you to your alcoholic bottom. Richard: Ollie, we're not having an affair. She's sick. Ollie: You're lying to your wife? Richard: I'm not lying. Ollie: You're lying by omission. You are having an emotional affair. And now you're lying to your sponsor about it. Richard: You haven't been my sponsor in years. Ollie: I still have the right to bust your ass if I see you slipping. Richard: I'm not slipping. Ollie: Not yet. But you're making a pretty big mess. (Richard stands up and sighs) How many years you have now? Richard: Just passed 17. Ollie: I'm proud of you. And I'm scared too. Richard: You got me sober, Ollie. You walked me through it. (He takes her hand) And I'm going to walk you through this. (George is digging through Cristina's locker) George: Ok. That's... (Cristina enters the locker room) George: She still has... Cristina: You're a pervy little boy, George. And you're not finding the cap. George: I'll do your dishes for a month. Cristina: I don't do dishes. George: I'll do your laundry. Cristina: I don't do laundry. George: Maybe that's why Burke likes having me around. Cristina: Interesting, interesting. Are you having s*x with him? George: No. Cristina: Then he likes having me around more. George: Why's it always have to be a competition? What do you want for the cap? Cristina: You out of the apartment. George: I'm not leaving until Burke says I have to leave. Cristina: Then you're not getting the cap. Now clean up my crap. George: No. (Bailey and Meredith are looking at CT scans) Meredith: Wow. Is that her spleen? Bailey: Looks like a grade three laceration. Maybe a four. What was she doing standing under a tree in a thunderstorm? Meredith: She wasn't standing under it. She was climbing it. Bailey: Why? Meredith: Uh...I'm getting the feeling she's a little bit of a stalker. Bailey: Do we need to call the police? Meredith: I don't think so. I think she's more a gentle stalker than a "kill you with a knife" stalker. Bailey: Right. Well, let's hope she lives to gently stalk another day. Meredith: Hey, you don't believe in that seven fatality thing, do you? Bailey: I believe this girl needs her spleen removed immediately. Go pick up the labs and get her on the board. Then we'll break the news. (Denny is breathing heavily, on a OR table) Izzie: It's almost over. Denny: You like horses, Izzie? Izzie: Everybody likes horses. Denny: That's not true. You know, horses are a great judge of character. You don't like horses, means they don't like you. Izzie: Huh. Alex: I've got an uncle that's a rodeo cowboy. Denny: Huh. No kidding. Burke: This is a big clot, Denny. I can't get it with the catheter. I'm sorry. We're gonna have to open your chest again. (Cristina is taking Jesse to CT) Jesse: I was counting the clicks. The...turn signal clicks. I couldn't move until it hit 333. The light was green, but I couldn't move. I can't blame them for hitting me. Raj: How long have you been feeling these compulsions? Jesse: A little bit all my life, but it's been out of control the last three years. Raj: Onset at 30 is typical. Jesse: Ruined a marriage. I can't hold a job... Cristina: Ok, Mr. Fannon, do you... Jesse: Is it clean? I need to know if it's clean. Cristina: It's very clean. Raj: Any relatives with OCD? Jesse: My mother. Killed herself at 38. Ruined her life. Now it's ruining mine. (Cristina clears her throat) Jesse: Clean, clean, clean? Cristina: Uh, we clean it between each patient. Raj: I think he needs you to say "clean, clean, clean." Cristina: It's clean, clean, clean. Jesse: Thank you. I know it's annoying. I can't help it. (Cristina walks past the window and sees George watching from the other side) Jesse: Uh, find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck. Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck. Cristina: Ok, Mr. Fannon, do you... Jesse: Find a penny... Raj: Repetitive rhymes, prayers. It's classic. He needs to say it a specific number of times. Probably a multiple of three. Cristina: Let's get him in before he decides to start again. Raj: Is everything all right with, uh...that? (Raj nods to the window where George has his face pressed against it) Jesse: Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck. Cristina: Just, uh, don't look at him. (Meredith is walking through the halls, highlighting a book. She walks up to Derek, at the same time Addison exits a nearby elevator.) Meredith: Hey. Derek: Hi. Meredith: Hey... Addison: Oh, hey. Meredith: Hi. Derek: Hi. Meredith: I, uh...have to... Derek: Yeah. Addison: Yeah. (Meredith walks away) Derek: I do too. (Derek walks away) Addison: Yeah, I got...something too, so... [SCENE_BREAK] (Richard is in Ollie's room, talking to Ollie and Gretchen.) Richard: I wish I had good news. The TIPSS procedure you had last month failed. Gretchen: What does that mean? Ollie: It means you're lucky you got sober young. Richard: Ollie, it means I'm going to have to put in a portacaval shunt. It's complicated. It has only a 50% survival rate. Ollie: What's my other choice? (Richard just looks at her) Ok, then. Um...you'll be the one to do it? Richard: I've performed this surgery nine times. Had four patients survive. Ollie: It's perfect then. I'll be your five out of ten. (Bailey and Meredith enter Nikki's room) Nikki: I'm not having surgery today. Bailey: You have a ruptured spleen. Nikki: And I'm sure that the spleen is very important. But I'm not having surgery today. You can operate after midnight but not one minute before. Bailey: Miss Ratlin, if I thought it would be safe I'd be more than happy to wait until after midnight. However, I have a husband and a baby at home who won't be happy. You know who else won't be happy? You. Your spleen is bleeding. Spleen trumps horoscope. Nikki: But it was more than just my horoscope. I went out to my car this morning. Flat tire. That's a sign, but I just changed the tire. Then there's a wreck on the freeway. Do I turn around and go home like it's telling me to? No, I detour an hour out of my way so that I can get to Kevin's house. And when I get to Kevin's house, I get struck by lightning! Meredith: But you weren't struck by lightning. Nikki: I'll die, ok? If you operate on my today I will die because I know I will. Please, just...just call my boyfriend and tell him that I'm having an operation at midnight. Because he will want to be here. Meredith: Ok. Nikki: Please. (Bailey and Meredith start walking out of the room.) Meredith: Should I call psych? Bailey: You can give it a shot. In the meanwhile, get her down to ICU. Poor girl's going to kill herself trying not to die. (Alex is drawing Denny's blood) Alex: Izzie paints a pretty picture because she likes you, you know? Denny: Ok. Alex: I'm just saying she likes you. Which is going to be hard on her. Denny: You mean...when I die? Come on. I'm asking you...man-to-man. Alex: With a clot in your pulmonary artery, it'll cut off the oxygen to your lungs and you'll die of hypoxia. If the hypoxia doesn't kill you, the strain on your heart will. Denny: And the surgery? Alex: It's not a routine procedure. You're at serious risk for bleeding because of the anticoagulants already in your system. What I'm saying is Izzie likes you. And she's not going to be the one to pull away. (Meredith and Cristina are at the lunch table in the outdoor cafeteria.) Meredith: How's your guy? Cristina: Brain's bleeding. Needs surgery. Want to know why? Because he couldn't move his car until he stopped counting. Meredith: My girl? Ruptured spleen? Won't have surgery because of her horoscope. Cristina: Oh, well, we should introduce them. They make a nice crazy couple. (George walks up and sits down) Cristina: Uh, you know what? I'm sitting with Meredith. Have some self-respect. George: Dr. Burke's orders trump any personal issues I might have. Meredith: Is the craziness rubbing off on him? Cristina: He's trying to...stalk Burke's lucky cap from me. Meredith: Burke has hat juju? Cristina: Apparently. Meredith: And you're using it against him? Cristina: Well, they're forcing me to. Because of the clarinet playing and the running and all the breakfast food. (Izzie walks up and sits down) Izzie: You guys, this whole death cluster thing is just ridiculous, right? I mean, just cause four died today doesn't necessarily mean there'll be three more before midnight. Cristina: It doesn't, Tinkerbell? For reals? Meredith: Are you worried about Denny? Izzie: Yeah. Of course I am. He's my patient. I mean, but if you're asking me if I'm "worried" about Denny, no. I'm sleeping with Alex, so...it's just...Hey, did Burke say anything to you...about Denny's surgery? Did he...? Cristina: No. It's your case. Izzie: Yeah. I know. I'm just asking that, you know, as your boyfriend, if... Cristina: I don't know why you'd care. You're sleeping with Alex, right? Izzie: Yeah. Cristina: Yeah. Izzie: Right. No, whatever. I'm just saying. There's no such thing as a death cluster. It's just stupid. Right? Meredith: I have to go convince my patient to let us operate. Cristina: Mm-hmm. (Cristina and Derek are talking with Jesse) Jesse: You're removing part of my skullcap? Do you really have to do that? Derek: It's the only way I can get to the affected part of the brain. Jesse: And the operating room, it's clean, clean, clean? Derek: Yes. It's clean, clean, clean. I'm gonna go get ready. (Derek leaves, Jesse starts clicking the light on and off) Cristina: Can you stop that, please? Jesse: No. Sorry. I wish I could. (Cristina moves to reveal George standing behind her.) Jesse (to George): She's judging me. George: No, she's not. Cristina: Yes, she is. I've been living with this for three years. And it's always the people who are most like me who judge me the most. You're type A, right? Straight A student? Top of your class? Cristina: Yes, I was. Jesse: So, you've managed to turn your compulsions into something productive. But we're cut from the same cloth. That's why you can't stand me. Cristina: Oh. Time to go. Jesse: But I'm not done. Cristina: Uh, yes you are, sir. George: How many do you have to do? Jesse: 96. George: Let him finish. Cristina: Fine. I'll see you in the OR. (Ollie, Gretchen and a group of people are in her room. Richard walks by the window. ) Ollie: Oh, there's Richard. (Gretchen exits the room) Gretchen: Hey. Ollie says you should come in. She says you need a meeting. Richard: Not now. Not here. Gretchen: Yeah. Except she said to tell you not to protect your anonymity over your sobriety. (Richard follows Gretchen into the room, he closes the door behind him) All: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen. Richard: Amen. (Denny is in the hallway prepped for surgery. Izzie walks up to him.) Izzie: Hey. How you feeling? Denny: Do me a favor? My will is inside my nightstand. Just make sure it gets in the right hands, ok? Izzie: Why are you talking about your will? Denny: We have to be realistic, Dr. Stevens. Izzie: Dr. Stevens? Denny: We got to be realistic. And if you can't, well, I can. Izzie (to Doctors): No, wait, um...can you wait just one minute? Denny, Denny, listen to me. You're not going to die. You can't go into surgery thinking your going to die. (Cristina enters the women's bathroom, George follows her.) Cristina: You want me to pee in front of you, is that what you want? George: You have it on you. Cristina: Oh, really? You want to go there? George: I wanna go there. Cristina: So, what are you going to do, Bambi? You gonna what, take it from me? George: Burke said to do whatever I have to do and I'm going to do whatever. (George starts grabbing Cristina) Cristina: George, it's not there. You're not getting it. Oh! No. No, you're not going to...No. (Callie exits a bathroom stall, looking confused.) Cristina: No. Oh! You've got my breast. That's my breast. That's my breast. My breast. (Callie starts washing her hands. They realize that someone is in the bathroom and stop fighting.) George: Hey, Dr. Torres. Callie: Dr. O'Malley, You're aware this is the women's restroom? George: Yes, ma'am. Callie: Good. (Callie leaves) Cristina: Dude. You called her ma'am. She's never going to sleep with you now. (George is in the hall and bumps into Izzie.) George: Oh, hey. Have you seen Burke? Izzie: He's on the phone with the laundry. They still can't find his scrub caps. George: That's what I got to tell him. Cristina won't give hers back. Unless I'm ready to hit a woman. And even though it's Cristina, I'm not ready to cross that line. Izzie: Wait! Wait, a moment. Cristina has one of Burke's scrub caps? George: She's holding it hostage. Why do you think I am stalking her? You... (Izzie runs off. She walks up behind Cristina, grabs her arm and pulls her into an office.) Cristina: Uh, ow. You're touching me. Izzie: George says you have Burke's scrub cap. Cristina: So? Izzie: Give it to him. Cristina: No. Izzie: Give it to him, Cristina. Cristina: What is with you? Izzie: He needs it to operate. Cristina: No, he doesn't. Izzie: That isn't your decision to make. Not when he's going in on Denny. Now, are you gonna give it to him or am I gonna physically take it from you? Cristina: Are you threatening me? Izzie: I swear to God, Cristina, I like you, I really do. But I grew up in a trailer park and I am not about kicking your pampered little Beverly Hills ass. And I do mean physically kicking your ass. (Cristina and Izzie walk up to Burke.) Cristina: You don't have to follow me. (Izzie gives her a look and walks away. Cristina hands the scrub cap to Burke.) Burke: Well, thank you. How long have you had this? It's one of my favorites. Cristina: You know, you don't need it. I keep that cap in my locker because every morning I look at it and I'm reminded of what I'm here for and what I want to be. A great surgeon. A surgeon who is decisive, and who executes, and who doesn't need a piece of clothing to give him an edge in surgery. You don't need it. Burke: I know. You're right. Cristina: I know I'm right. (Cristina walks away. Burke puts the scrub cap on and starts to head toward surgery. He passes George on the way.) Burke: Nicely done, O'Malley. Let's go scrub in. (Meredith is examining Nikki.) Nikki: How am I doing? Meredith: Nikki, is it possible you're misreading the signs? I mean, isn't two surgeons telling you that you need surgery a sign that you need surgery? Nikki: Did you call my boyfriend? Meredith: I did. Nikki: What'd he say? Meredith: He said he hasn't been your boyfriend in a while. Nikki: Did you tell him I got struck by lightning? (Scrub outside Denny's surgery. Alex is there and Izzie enters.) Izzie: What did you say to him? Alex: Who? Izzie: You know who. What the hell? Why does Denny think he's dying? Alex: Well, maybe because there's a good chance he is. Izzie: Just so we're clear. We're over, Alex. This is over. Alex: What? You're breaking up with me over a corpse? Izzie: No! No. I am breaking up with you because on your very best day...that corpse is twice the man you will ever be. You're not good enough for me, Alex. You're not good enough for anyone. (Burke enters and realizes something is going on.) Burke: You two, you're not scrubbing in. Whatever's going on with you, I don't need it in my OR. Alex: Fine. I'll watch from the gallery. Burke: No, no, you won't. You will take your energy as far away from my OR as you can get. (Alex leaves) Burke: Both of you. (Izzie leaves and George and Burke start scrubbing in.) (Jesse is in the OR getting ready for surgery.) Jesse: Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck. Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck. Find a penny, pick it up... Cristina: We're going to give you your anesthetic now. Jesse: all day long you'll have good luck. Find a penny, pick it up... Cristina: I'm sorry but we have to start. Jesse: Find a penny, pick it up... (Seattle scenes) (Derek is starting Jesse's surgery.) Derek: It's a beautiful afternoon to save lives, people. Lets have some fun. (Denny's OR, Burke and George get ready to start the surgery.) (Ollie's OR, Richard and Bailey get ready to start the surgery.) Richard: The incision begins along the left subcostal margin, across the right rectus, and extending well into the flank. (Meredith enters) Meredith: Dr. Bailey? It's Nikki Ratlin. Richard: I'll be all right, Bailey. Go. (Bailey and Meredith enter Nikki's room) Bailey: She, uh...yeah, she's bleeding out. We need to get her to the OR now. Nikki: I don't want an operation. Meredith: Nikki, your boyfriend called. He said he doesn't want you to die. Nikki: Kevin called? Meredith: Yes. Will you let us operate? (She flatlines) Meredith: Nikki? Bailey: Oh, code blue. Come on. (Bailey pressed the code button and code team rushes in.) Bailey: Ok. Charge to 200. Doctor: 200. Bailey: Clear. (Izzie is standing in front of the OR board, breathing deeply.) (Richard is operating on Ollie.) Richard: You have the back row of sutures in place. Give me some...clear field. Doctor: Pressure's dropping. Richard: Hang another unit. I need the field clear. (Nikki's room) Bailey: Clear. Charge 300! Doctor: Charge. Bailey: Clear. (Derek and Cristina are operating on Jesse.) Derek: Gel foam. That clip should've done it. I don't know. There's something I'm missing. (Burke is operating on Denny) Doctor: He's losing pressure, Dr. Burke. Burke: I'm working as fast as I can. George: We're losing him. (Stairs near the OR board.) Female Intern: I heard they're dying left and right. Male Intern: See? Told you there'd be seven. Izzie: Who? Who died? Female Intern: Don't know. I bet it was that spleen chick. You hear she wouldn't let them operate. Male Intern: Ah, my money's on the chief's shunt. Alex: I have twenty says Burke's guy went down. Dude's a walking time bomb. Male Intern: Bet. (Meredith and Bailey walk up. Meredith erases Nikki from the OR board.) Bailey: That makes five. Izzie: You lost her? Meredith: Yeah. I heard there's a number six. Izzie: Do you know who else? Meredith: No. I'm going to inform the family. (Richard walks out to the waiting room where Gretchen and a group of people are waiting.) Richard: She made it through. (Gretchen hugs him) Gretchen: Thank you. Thank you so much. Man: Thank you. Richard: You're welcome. You're welcome. (Derek and Cristina leave the OR, Jesse didn't make it.) MVO: Superstition lies in the space between what we can control... (Izzie is standing in a room, tears streaking her face.) MVO: and what we can't. Denny: So, I wasn't one of the seven? Izzie: It's past midnight. There were only six. Denny: Then why are you crying? Izzie: I'm not crying. Denny: You are too. Izzie: Oh, damn it. I cannot fall for a patient. Denny: Oh. Ok. Good luck with that. (Izzie smiles then kisses Denny.) MVO: Find a penny, pick it up, and all day long you'll have good luck. (George enters the locker room, where all the interns are getting ready to go home. He scoffs when he sees Meredith.) Alex: O'Malley, you are a sad excuse for a man. George: Excuse me? Alex: I know you heard me. You're like a whiny little girl. Meredith: Alex. Alex: You know why he's not speaking to you? Because he's not over you. Man, you got laid, it went badly. A man would move on. But you? You mope around this place like a dog that likes to get kicked. You make me sick, and if it wouldn't get me thrown out of the program, I'd smash your pathetic little face right into that locker. MVO: No one wants to pass up a chance for good luck. But does saying it 33 times really help? (Cristina is leaving the hospital.) MVO: Is anyone really listening? (Burke runs to catch up with her.) Burke: Hey. So if you feel that strongly about O'Malley, I'll ask him to leave tonight. Cristina: No, no, don't. Burke: I thought you wanted him out. Cristina: I do. But...not tonight. (Burke pulls the scrub cap out of his pocket.) Burke: Scrub cap. Cristina: Oh. Thank you. Burke: You're welcome. MVO: And if no one's listening, why do we bother doing those strange things at all? (Callie is walking in the ER and runs into George.) George: Hi. I didn't call. I should have called. I just... (Callie walks away. George takes out his phone and calls her.) George: Hi. This is George O'Malley calling. You gave me your phone number. I know I should have called sooner, but I'm calling now. And I just want to know...maybe you want to go out with me sometime? Because...I...love to watch you set bones. And I...oh, I...rarely spend...that much time in a women's restroom. And I really like you. (Callie smiles at him)So...is that a yes? MVO: We rely on superstitions because we're smart enough to know we don't have all the answers. (Addison walks up to Meredith with two cups of coffee) Addison: Hey. Meredith: Hey. Addison: I'm sorry to hear about your patient. Meredith: Thank you, Addison. MVO: And that life works in mysterious ways. (She gives one cup to Meredith and then walks to where Derek is standing and hands him the other cup.) Addison: Here you go, babe. Derek: Thank you. Addison: Hmm. Ready? (He hands the cup back.) Derek: Yeah. Here you go. Thank you. (Derek and Meredith share a glance and then Derek walks away.) MVO: Don't diss the juju...from wherever it comes. (Meredith takes a sip of the coffee and throws the rest away.)

When a series of deaths occur at Seattle Grace, the uncanny events bring out the doctors' superstitious sides. Four deaths in the morning implies that three more deaths are due for the day. This makes Izzie nervous about Denny's surgery, and a jealous Alex informs Denny of the likelihood of his death, prompting Izzie to completely end their relationship. Meredith and Bailey treat a woman who claims to have been struck by lightning, but the patient keeps lying about the true cause of the injury. Cristina treats a patient in a car accident who has OCD. Meanwhile, Derek and Addison discuss making a more permanent living arrangement, and Dr. Webber treats a former sponsor from his Alcoholics Anonymous group. George is tasked with stealing back one of Burke's caps from Cristina. Izzie kisses Denny after he survives his surgery.

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5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. SPAR SHIP (KATARINA mutters to the Trojan Horse-god. The sound of the ship's engines start to rise...) KATARINA: Great One, don't leave us! Don't let the strange beings catch him! BRET VYON: He's been caught! We've got to leave! STEVEN: No! He said we had to... (VYON tries to operate the controls for take-off. STEVEN pulls him away.) BRET VYON: No! (He turns and knocks STEVEN to the floor, then resumes preparations for take-off.) KATARINA: Stop! You can't leave him! He can't reach the place of perfection! BRET VYON: He won't! We're going without him! (BRET activates more controls and the ship starts to power up further.) BRET VYON: We're going into countdown! (BRET looks at a countdown indicator on the control panel which nears zero...) (Suddenly STEVEN points to a light winking on the hatch panel.) STEVEN: What's that light? BRET VYON: It's the outer door! It's not fully shut. Quick, or we'll all be sucked out! (STEVEN rushes to the airlock and is pressing the switches to close the door when he sees someone outside. He yells back at BRET.) STEVEN: Hold countdown! It's the Doctor! (BRET holds the countdown sequence as STEVEN and KATARINA help the breathless DOCTOR up through the airlock and into the ship.) DOCTOR: Get us off, Bret! Get us off! Get us off! BRET VYON: Right. (He starts to resume the held countdown.) DOCTOR: Take off, man! BRET VYON: Stand by, everyone! Take off! (The airlock door closes. They all desperately grab hold of anything close as the ship rises swiftly into the air, leaving the planet of Kembel far below. The breathless DOCTOR eyes VYON with austere reproof.) DOCTOR: Oh! Oh! This is rather a violent acceleration, young man! Hmm! [SCENE_BREAK] 2: SPACE (The SPAR shoots into space...) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. KEMBEL. DALEK CITY. CONTROL ROOM (The DALEK SUPREME enters the DALEK control room. Normal scanners and consoles line the room which is dominated by a central piece of machinery. The DALEK SUPREME hovers in anger as the DALEKS report the readings off the consoles.) FIRST DALEK: Altitude: five sections. Speed: Three thousand. SECOND DALEK: Vessel attained gravitational escape velocity. DALEK SUPREME: Cut in automatic trackers. SECOND DALEK: All is ready for their space extinction. DALEK SUPREME: Do not destroy! That vessel must not be destroyed! SECOND DALEK: Trackers operating. DALEK SUPREME: Prepare neutronic randomiser. (The FIRST DALEK, at its console, obeys...) FIRST DALEK: Stand by randomiser. DALEK SUPREME: The intruders must be caught alive! [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. SPAR SHIP (Things have calmed down somewhat on the stolen SPAR ship.) DOCTOR: Well done, Bret, well done. You got us off very well. (He laughs to himself.) BRET VYON: Thanks. I thought you weren't going to make it. DOCTOR: Of course I was. You're far too pessimistic. Now, where's that little box of mine, hmm? (STEVEN picks up the box holding up the Taranium Core.) STEVEN: This one? DOCTOR: Yes. (The DOCTOR takes the box.) DOCTOR: Ah, splendid, splendid. The Daleks' plans are utterly useless without this. STEVEN: Why? What did you find out at the Council meeting? DOCTOR: They've allied themselves with the rulers of the outer galaxies... to take over the Universe! BRET VYON: (Shocked.) Universe? DOCTOR: Yes, their first objective being Earth and then... the solar system. STEVEN: Then we've got to warn Earth and fast! BRET VYON: But what about Mavic Chen? DOCTOR: Oh, he's one of them, my friend. By sacrificing the Solar System, he hopes to gain more power. BRET VYON: That's impossible! DOCTOR: Oh, no it isn't, no it isn't. Therefore we must get back to Earth before him. KATARINA: (Timidly.) But how can we return to Earth? We've already left it. DOCTOR: Yes, I know, my dear, but this is not Earth... as we... think of it. It's something very different. (VYON is more puzzled than ever by KATARINA and speaks quietly to STEVEN.) BRET VYON: What's the matter with this girl? I mean, where's she from? STEVEN: (Casually.) Oh, it's quite all right - she helped us in Troy. She doesn't really understand. BRET VYON: (Puzzled.) Troy? STEVEN: (Smiles.) Yes. (He rejoins his companions.) STEVEN: Well, come on, Doctor, what's so special about that box? DOCTOR: Well, as I said before, my boy, the Daleks' plans are utterly useless without this. STEVEN: (Pleased.) Then we've won! (STEVEN picks up the box and is about to open it when the DOCTOR stops him.) DOCTOR: No, no, no, no! Don't open it, please. STEVEN: Why not? DOCTOR: It'll burn your eyes - you'll go totally blind! That is a full emm of Taranium! BRET VYON: (Shocked.) What? (He steps forward.) DOCTOR: Taranium. BRET VYON: That can only be found on the planet Uranus. A full measure would take years to mine! DOCTOR: Fifty years, to be surprice... to be precise. And Mavic Chen has given this to the Daleks to complete one of the most evil weapons ever devised - their Time Destructor! [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. KEMBEL. DALEK CITY. CONTROL ROOM (ZEPHON stands before the DALEK SUPREME. MAVIC CHEN is also present, as are several other DALEKS.) DALEK SUPREME: Representative Zephon! You deny that your negligence caused the loss of the Taranium Core? ZEPHON: (Arrogantly.) Had the Daleks made full security arrangements, the invaders would not have reached this city. MAVIC CHEN: Had the master of the Fifth Galaxy been less arrogant, he would have gone with me to the meeting. Instead he preferred to keep us all waiting. ZEPHON: I believe the intruders came from the Solar System. MAVIC CHEN: Did you see them? ZEPHON: No. MAVIC CHEN: Did they speak and tell you so? ZEPHON: No. MAVIC CHEN: Then your accusation is preposterous. ZEPHON: How was it the intruders knew that the Taranium was here and that it was to be handed over, if they did not come from the Solar System? None of the others knew what it was that representative Mavic Chen was bringing here! (All eyes are now on MAVIC CHEN.) DALEK SUPREME: Have you nothing to say? MAVIC CHEN: Oh, this is absurd. Why should I arrange that fifty years be spent secretly mining to acquire this mineral - only to have it stolen? ZEPHON: The quest for power. Perhaps you wanted to use the Core for yourself! MAVIC CHEN: How? Only the Daleks know how to assemble the Time Destructor. I only provided the vital ingredient - the core. ZEPHON: (To the DALEK SUPREME.) I did not know about the Core. How could I? DALEK SUPREME: You knew about the intruders. ZEPHON: We all did. You were going to deal with them, or so you said. DALEK SUPREME: (Angrily.) Silence! It is agreed that you are guilty of negligence. (MAVIC CHEN moves and stands behind the DALEK SUPREME in a show of support.) ZEPHON: If I go, the Masters of Celation and Beaus go with me! DALEK SUPREME: (Warningly.) You threaten our unity? ZEPHON: I have nothing to say. (He turns for the door.) ZEPHON: I will leave now. (ZEPHON starts to walk from the room, but he is stopped by DALEKS closing in from each side of the doorway. ZEPHON trembles violently as he looks round for an escape route.) DALEK SUPREME: Execute! (Caught in the crossfire at close range, ZEPHON crumples to the floor. The DALEK SUPREME turns and glides to one of its subordinates at a console.) DALEK SUPREME: Where is the ship? DALEK: Course seven-oh-seven. It is approaching the influence of the planet Desperus. DALEK SUPREME: Prepare pursuit ships. Stand by randomiser. [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. SPAR SHIP (Having found special guards for their eyes, the DOCTOR, STEVEN, KATARINA and BRET VYON are looking at the Taranium. A brilliant white flare shimmers around the mineral inside the open container causing them all obvious discomfort.) STEVEN: That is Taranium? DOCTOR: Yes, the rarest mineral in the universe. STEVEN: Funny, It makes your eyes feel strange even with these on. (STEVEN indicates their eye-guards.) STEVEN: It's like looking into the sun for too long. (The DOCTOR closes the container. They all remove their glasses and rub their eyes.) DOCTOR: Oh, don't complain, young man. You're a very privileged person. Do you realise that very few people have seen this in this universe, hmm? STEVEN: All right, Doctor. But now that we've got it, what are we going to do with it? DOCTOR: Well, for the moment, nothing. STEVEN: Well, that doesn't make sense. I mean, you said yourself that the Daleks have the most dangerous weapon ever devised. DOCTOR: We have the Taranium, so for the moment we do nothing. And by doing nothing, we do everything. Do I make myself clear? (He laughs.) STEVEN: Come off it, Doctor. What's all that supposed to mean? DOCTOR: Oh, my dear young man, you ask so many questions. (He laughs and looks at KATARINA who is stood across the room looking over one of the consoles.) DOCTOR: Look at Katarina over there. She doesn't ask questions - she just looks and learns. Now, why don't you try the same thing, hmm? (The DOCTOR takes a moment to look over the control room of the SPAR.) DOCTOR: You know, I find all this extremely fascinating. Hmm! It's a little primitive, of course, but it's still very fascinating, hmm! (STEVEN tries to bring him back to the point.) STEVEN: Look, Doctor, I'm sorry, but can't we do anything? DOCTOR: Yes. (He turns to BRET at the main console.) DOCTOR: Bret, can you find me something to play a magnetic tape, hmm? BRET VYON: Yes, Doctor. Here. (He points to part of the console.) DOCTOR: Well, my dear fellow, that's magnificent. Huh, it's all so convenient, isn't it? (Laughs.) Now play that tape I gave you, before I went to the Daleks' conference. STEVEN: What tape's that? (VYON produces the capsule from his uniform pocket.) DOCTOR: Oh, I found a small tape beside a skeleton, and it, er, might be able to tell us something. (He notices KATARINA who is still looking over the control room.) DOCTOR: Er, Katarina, come over here, my child. (She does so.) DOCTOR: Now, have a look at another wonder. (KATARINA looks about her.) KATARINA: Everything is so strange. This isn't like your TARDIS. DOCTOR: No, my dear, no. STEVEN: Yes, but Doctor, surely, I mean, the Daleks aren't going to leave a tape around with their plans on it? DOCTOR: No, no, no! Bret here was searching for someone and the skeleton I found was humanoid. Well, whoever it was may have learned something that we haven't. BRET VYON: (Exclaiming.) Marc Cory! You found him? Well, Kert and I searched that jungle but we could find no trace. DOCTOR: Oh, and did you search that bearing twice, hmm? BRET VYON: How do you mean? DOCTOR: Well, it so happens that that kind of jungle is apt to lead you back to the same place more than once. BRET VYON: Yes, but we were methodical, or as methodical as the Daleks would... DOCTOR: (Interrupts, irritated.) Oh yes, no doubt you were, and I suppose I was lucky! Now play the tape. Come along, come along, stop all this talking! (YVON looks annoyed but activates the tape as instructed. It begins to play and Marc Cory's long-dead voice comes from the speaker.) MARC CORY: (On tape.) This is Marc Cory, Special Security Agent, reporting from the planet Kembel. STEVEN: You've cracked it! MARC CORY: (On tape.) The Daleks are planning the complete destruction of our galaxy. Together with powers of the outer galaxies, a war force is being assembled and... (The tape and the voice break off.) STEVEN: That's all? BRET VYON: Poor Marc. He never got through. DOCTOR: But we must! The Daleks will stop at anything... to prevent us. [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. KEMBEL. DALEK CITY. CONTROL ROOM (The DALEK SUPREME and a DALEK are watching the instruments that are tracking the SPAR.) DALEK: Ship now at closest point to planet Desperus. DALEK SUPREME: Operate Randomiser! [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. SPAR SHIP (On board the ship, the escapees are discussing what they should do next. A strange buzzing noise starts up, but nobody on board notices it.) DOCTOR: Yes, yes, you must find someone you can trust. Someone in a high enough position that may be able to help. BRET VYON: Well, Karlton is the man in charge of all Space Security. But he's very close to Chen. STEVEN: Yes, well, this chap Karlton, he may be part of the plan with the Daleks. BRET VYON: It's possible... DOCTOR: Yes... (Suddenly the buzzing sound increases and the ship lurches to one side. All its occupants are thrown off their balance and clutch onto the console for safety.) KATARINA: Oh, Doctor, what's happened? (The DOCTOR looks up at the scanner.) DOCTOR: I think we're changing course. (BRET VYON wrestles with the controls.) BRET VYON: The steering boosters won't fire! I can't get her round. STEVEN: Switch to manual control! BRET VYON: I can't... we're picking up speed! (The DOCTOR continues to peer at the monitor screen.) DOCTOR: You know, I believe we're approaching the... gravitational point of that planet. (He points at the screen. VYON casts a glance at the rapidly narrowing gap between them and a planet showing on the scanner.) BRET VYON: Desperus! DOCTOR: Mmm! (BRET attempts to once more master the controls.) DOCTOR: Has it any kind of atmosphere, hmm? BRET VYON: Yes, but we can't get off there, we'll never be able to get off again. STEVEN: Why not? What's wrong with it? BRET VYON: Desperus is the penal planet of the Solar System. DOCTOR: Well, if it's one of your prison planets, surely there are guards and warders there to help us? BRET VYON: They're aren't any. The only craft which stop there are prison ships, bringing other criminals. If we crash there, we'll be left there to rot the rest of our lives away. DOCTOR: You must try to land softly somewhere. BRET VYON: I can't! This vessel is out of my control! (They all look at the planet on the scanner that is growing larger and larger.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. KEMBEL. DALEK CITY. CONTROL ROOM (The DALEK SUPREME glides up to several DALEKS manning controls.) FIRST DALEK: Space vessel's instruments now randomised. (Another DALEK reports.) SECOND DALEK: On course for planet Desperus. Impact in point six. THIRD DALEK: Remote control standing by. DALEK SUPREME: Cut in remote control. FIRST DALEK: Now under Dalek control. DALEK SUPREME: Reduce descent velocity. Vessel must make soft landing. FIRST DALEK: I obey. DALEK SUPREME: Pursuit ships to stand by. (MAVIC CHEN has been watching. He approaches the DALEK SUPREME.) MAVIC CHEN: A highly effective operation. May I congratulate you? DALEK SUPREME: Dalek technology is the most advanced in the Universe. MAVIC CHEN: (Slyly.) You... still haven't recovered the Taranium. DALEK SUPREME: We shall. (The DALEK SUPREMES' eye-stalk swings to look straight at MAVIC CHEN.) DALEK SUPREME: It is strange that the intruders took your space vessel. Perhaps they were indeed creatures from Earth? MAVIC CHEN: My SPAR was the last to arrive here, so consequently was in the best position to leave quickly. But to set your mind at rest, I will return to Earth now, and if I find that the intruders do come from there, they will be dealt with - quickly and without arousing any suspicion. DALEK SUPREME: Very well. A vessel similar to your own craft will be put at your disposal. MAVIC CHEN: I will return here as soon as all final preparations for the take-over are completed. DALEK SUPREME: All will be in readiness. (The DALEK SUPREME turns back to the monitors.) MAVIC CHEN: Good. We don't want any more mistakes. (CHEN stalks from the room, with an arrogant smile on his face.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. SPAR SHIP (BRET VYON and STEVEN look over the controls in puzzlement.) STEVEN: We've slowed right down. BRET VYON: We're going to be able to make a soft landing. I don't understand it. DOCTOR: (Worried.) Yeah, and I'm afraid I do - only too well. STEVEN: The Daleks? (The DOCTOR nods.) STEVEN: Oh, yes. Some sort of remote control, I suppose. We'd all better prepare for landing. DOCTOR: You're quite right, my boy, quite right. BRET VYON: Well, if it's the Daleks, it can only mean one thing. DOCTOR: Yes, it means they're coming after us again. [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. DESPERUS. CAVE (NIGHT) (In a cold dank cave, three men stand looking over a crude table which has a long thin knife dug into it. KIRKSEN, whose long, light, tangled hair and beard cover his face, is the youngest. GARGE is a burly man with dark hair and a beard. BORS, also bearded, is the eldest of the three. KIRKSEN makes a grab at the knife but GARGE smashes his hand away and tries to go for it himself but BORS is quickest and grabs the weapon.) BORS: It's mine again! (He nods at two decrepit women in the corner of the cave.) BORS: And they stay where they are. GARGE: With the soft life you lead, I'll be able to beat you one day. BORS: Out on guard! GARGE: Why is it always me? BORS: I am the leader. I have the knife. Do you want to argue about it? (GARGE looks at BORS in a surly manner and then leaves the cave. BORS settles down to sleep.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: EXT. DESPERUS (NIGHT) (GARGE walks out of the cave. He starts his guard duty as, above him, he hears the screams of creatures flying in the air.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. DESPERUS. CAVE (NIGHT) (Later on, all is quiet. BORS is asleep near his women and some other prisoners but KIRKSEN is not. He notes that BORS is asleep and makes his way quietly across the cave to where the "leader" lies. He reaches for the knife but BORS wakes in an instant and grabs the young man roughly on his wrist, the knife in his other hand.) BORS: And you can build up the fire. (KIRKSEN starts to gasp in panic. He is obviously slightly deranged.) BORS: Kirksen! Like the knife, would you? Then you'd be leader. You could tell Garge what to do, like I do. You could tell me what to do! KIRKSEN: I'll get it next time! BORS: Who knows, perhaps you will. Now, get out and get the fuel. (KIRKSEN points at the women as the sound of the landing SPAR starts to be heard.) KIRKSEN: Why don't you send one of them? BORS: (Screams.) Get it! (KIRKSEN looks upwards at the sound of the ship and then looks enquiringly at BORS.) BORS: I can hear it. Now get out! Do you want one of the new lot to come here and take over our place? (GARGE has come through the entrance.) GARGE: It's no prison ship! BORS: What? GARGE: It's strange. I haven't seen one like it before. BORS: Where's it landing? GARGE: The swamp by the look of things. KIRKSEN: It's a strange ship. We can kill the crew and take over. BORS: Possibly. KIRKSEN: We can use it to get away! BORS: (Sharply.) It may be a crash landing! KIRKSEN: You can kill the crew with your knife! (KIRKSEN starts to laugh in an insane fashion.) BORS: Shut up! We'd better get over there right away. Others will have seen it too! Now, on your way! (BORS gives GARGE a shove towards the cave entrance and they move out into the darkness, carrying lighted torches.) KIRKSEN: Well, what about me? If you're leaving this filthy planet, so am I. (KIRKSEN also grabs a torch and follows them out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: EXT. DESPERUS (NIGHT) (The convicts make their way out of the cave. Above them, the creatures still cry in the darkness.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. SPAR SHIP (NIGHT) (KATARINA stands in the airlock doorway, gazing at the dark landscape outside while BRET and STEVEN try to make repairs to the ship.) DOCTOR: (To VYON.) Now, you sure you've got spare parts for this, hmm? BRET VYON: Certain - it's safety regulations. DOCTOR: Hmm! Ah, that's the worst of these... out-of-date and primitive spaceships - one little bump and they all fall to bits. BRET VYON: (Annoyed.) Doctor, what are you talking about? This is a SPAR - the most technically perfect craft in the history of space travel. DOCTOR: Oh, yes, quite so. That's why we are stranded on this pimple of a planet, whilst you footle with that fuse box, mm? STEVEN: Oh, come on, Doctor, the TARDIS isn't exactly perfect, is it? I mean, you can't even control where we're going. DOCTOR: Now, you listen to me, young man. Don't you start to criticise my TARDIS! And as for space travel, you're still wet behind the ears. Oh do get on with it, both of you! (He storms off to join KATARINA, snorting as he goes. BRET turns to STEVEN.) BRET VYON: What's the matter with Grandpa? STEVEN: (Smiling.) Oh, it's nothing. We all have our own obsessions, don't we? Now come on. (They crouch down at an inspection panel.) STEVEN: Look, do you think we're going to have enough drive-force to lift off here and get us back to Earth? BRET VYON: We've got to. Now, as the Doctor said, let's get on with it. [SCENE_BREAK] 16: EXT. SPAR SHIP (NIGHT) (Just outside the airlock door, KATARINA shivers with cold. The DOCTOR steps out and admonishes her.) DOCTOR: What are you doing out here, child? I thought I told you to keep these doors closed. (KATARINA points out into the night.) KATARINA: There are lights out there. DOCTOR: Mmm? (The distant light of three torches move through the darkness.) DOCTOR: Good gracious, so there are. Two - no - three. Yes, we must get on with the repairs to the ship and get away from here. (He laughs sardonically.) DOCTOR: Yes, those men will be vicious out there. We're liable to come under attack. (The DOCTOR surveys the area lit by the glow from the airlock.) DOCTOR: Mmm, what's that marshy ground? That's very interesting. (He laughs.) Very interesting... interesting! (They both re-enter the ship.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. KEMBEL. DALEK CITY. CONTROL ROOM (A DALEK turns to the DALEK SUPREME.) FIRST DALEK: The exact location of the ship has been calculated. DALEK SUPREME: Inform the pursuit fleet. FIRST DALEK: I obey. (It turns to the communicator, but at that moment a DALEK voice comes over the speaker.) SECOND DALEK: (OOV: Over communicator.) Pursuit Fleet Commander calling control. We will land on Desperus at one hundred. DALEK SUPREME: (Into communicator.) When the Taranium is recovered, the fugitives are to be eliminated. Is that understood? SECOND DALEK: (OOV: Over communicator.) I obey. [SCENE_BREAK] 18: EXT. DESPERUS. SWAMP (NIGHT) (BORS, KIRKSEN and GARGE soon arrive near the crash site through some trees. Reaching the soft edges of the swamp which separates them from the SPAR, they halt. They look round to see if they are alone.) KIRKSEN: We were here first. Let's go and get it! (He tries to force his way past. BORS grabs KIRKSEN'S hair.) BORS: Keep quiet! This part of the swamp is tricky. We must put out the torches. KIRKSEN: Well, what about the screamers? BORS: (Hissing.) Shut up - put out that light! (He and GARGE throw their torches into the water. KIRKSEN reluctantly does the same.) BORS: They're only bats. KIRKSEN: (Panicking.) Bats? Bats with those wings and that beak? BORS: Oh, now follow us or go back to the cave. (BORS and GARGE move gingerly along firmer ground and out of sight. KIRKSEN remains where he is, but suddenly, the Screamers attack. KIRKSEN shrieks and waving his arms over his head to ward off the Screamers as the clawed creatures swoop down. KIRKSEN runs off into the night.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. SPAR SHIP (NIGHT) (KATARINA, in the airlock, calls out nervously to the DOCTOR, who is still outside.) KATARINA: Doctor! Doctor! (In the body of the control room, BRET VYON and STEVEN hold a complex piece of circuitry.) STEVEN: Look, hold that reading steady. I think I can get this fixed. BRET VYON: Good. (At the doorway...) KATARINA: Come on, Doctor. (The DOCTOR starts to clamber back into the ship, helped by KATARINA.) DOCTOR: Thank you, my dear. (Somewhat out of breath, the DOCTOR crosses to a drum of cable and then calls across to BRET.) DOCTOR: Where is your catic power, or rather, outlet? BRET VYON: What? DOCTOR: Catic outlet, hmm? BRET VYON: It's there. (VYON points to a panel on the bulkhead.) DOCTOR: Where? BRET VYON: Under there. DOCTOR: Oh, yes, thank you, thank you. (BRET returns to his work with STEVEN, as the DOCTOR goes to the panel and calls to KATARINA.) DOCTOR: Come here, my dear. (KATARINA crosses to one side of the DOCTOR.) DOCTOR: No, round this way, child. (The DOCTOR unravels a large coil of covered wire, which has one end fixed to a plug. He points to a switch.) DOCTOR: Now, you see that switch? (KATARINA nods.) DOCTOR: I'll tell you when to pull it. KATARINA: What are you doing? DOCTOR: Oh, don't ask questions, my dear girl, otherwise you'll become like the other two! Just do as you're told, mm? (He laughs gently as she crosses to the control panel and waits. The DOCTOR carefully unrolls the coil and makes for the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: EXT. SPAR SHIP (NIGHT) DOCTOR: Now then, ah... (He throws the loose end out of the door and into the swamp. He laughs.) DOCTOR: That should repel any boarders! (He laughs in triumph and goes back into the SPAR.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: EXT. DESPERUS. SWAMP (NIGHT) (BORS and GARGE make their way to the edge of the swamp.) BORS: It's there. We're nearly there. GARGE: How many do you think are on board? BORS: How should I know? Difficult to say with a ship of that size. GARGE: At least we've got surprise on our side. (GARGE glances back over his shoulder - the swamp is still and quiet.) GARGE: Pity we've lost Kirksen. BORS: Hmm! Fool's probably gone back to the cave, frightened by the screamers. Better just the two of us. (GARGE points at the bit of land in front of the ramp of the SPAR.) GARGE: Through the swamp now. BORS: Yes, but go carefully. (They move off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: EXT. SPAR SHIP (NIGHT) (The DOCTOR and KATARINA stand in the airlock door. Suddenly, KATARINA points into the darkness.) KATARINA: There, Doctor, something moved! DOCTOR: Yes, I think you're right my dear. Now, you go in and stand by that switch. Wait until I give you an order, hmm? (KATARINA goes inside and the DOCTOR watches the swamp...) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: EXT. DESPERUS. SWAMP (NIGHT) (...where BORS and GARGE creep up to the SPAR.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: EXT. SPAR SHIP (NIGHT) (The DOCTOR waits and then...) DOCTOR: Now! [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. SPAR SHIP (NIGHT) (As KATARINA pulls the switch...) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: EXT. DESPERUS. SWAMP (NIGHT) (...the water becomes electrified and BORS and GARGE scream in agony in a flash of light as the current runs through them. They fall unconscious.) [SCENE_BREAK] 28: EXT. SPAR SHIP (NIGHT) (STEVEN and BRET join the DOCTOR in the doorway, alerted by the noise. KATARINA is with them.) STEVEN: What's going on? BRET VYON: What do you think you're playing at? DOCTOR: (With a superior air.) Oh, you two go back in there and get on with your repairs. Katarina and I are trying to repel any type of boarders. (VYON observes the cable.) BRET VYON: But catic power isn't strong enough to kill anyone. DOCTOR: But, of course not. But it will knock them unconscious. Now, just you remember, young man, I have no desire to kill anyone! Now go in there and get on with those repairs. I want to leave this place quickly. Hurry up please! Hmm! Wasting my time! (STEVEN and VYON turn on their heels and march off back to work. The DOCTOR turns to KATARINA.) DOCTOR: Well, I think that should do the trick, my dear. Come along, let's get this cable back. (Together, they start to pull the cable back into the ship.) DOCTOR: There... we are. (They then walk back into the SPAR.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. SPAR SHIP (NIGHT) KATARINA: You show me so many strange mysteries. With you I know I'm safe. DOCTOR: I hope so, my dear, I hope so. (A tremendous roar of rockets sounds over Desperus. The DOCTOR darts back to the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 30: EXT. SPAR SHIP (NIGHT) (He looks up into the night which is lit up by a spacecraft roaring overhead. He darts back inside.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: INT. SPAR SHIP (NIGHT) DOCTOR: The Dalek Spaceship! It's going to land! Hurry up! STEVEN: We're being as quick as we can! DOCTOR: Go on! Get off, get off, get off, get off! (STEVEN shuts the last panel with a bang.) STEVEN: That's it, Bret! BRET VYON: All right? All right, Doctor. (The DOCTOR closes the inner airlock door. VYON starts flicking switches on the console.) BRET VYON: Right, stand by everyone. As this take-off is now manual, it may not be quite so smooth. (A light still flashes on his panel.) BRET VYON: Doctor, did you close the outer door? (The DOCTOR moves towards the airlock.) DOCTOR: Oh I'm so sorry, I'm not used to this kind of craft. BRET VYON: It's all right, it doesn't matter. (BRET pulls a lever and the light on the console stops flashing. Power builds up in the SPAR, as the craft slowly takes off. The DOCTOR is watching the scanner.) DOCTOR: (Joyfully.) Look! Look! The Daleks' ship's made a bad landing. That's gives us the time we need. STEVEN: (Also joyfully.) We've made it! BRET VYON: Next stop - Earth. DOCTOR: Oh, I'm so glad to hear that, young man! Now, you've got some thinking to do. (To KATARINA.) Katarina, check up on that door and see that it's secure. (KATARINA goes up to the door.) DOCTOR: Do you realise... (Suddenly, KATARINA screams as KIRKSEN bursts through the internal door. He seizes her with one hand - in his other hand he is brandishing BORS' knife...)

Missing episode In the year 4000, the Daleks conspire to conquer the Solar System. Their scheme involves treachery at the highest levels and a weapon capable of destroying the very fabric of time. Only the Doctor and his friends can prevent catastrophe - and there is no guarantee they will escape with their lives...

fd_FRIENDS_10x16

fd_FRIENDS_10x16_0

Produced by: Robert Carlock & Wendy Knoller Final check by Kim [Scene: Joey's place. Rachel and Joey are talking] Joey: All right, all right, all right, let's play one more time, ok? And remember, if I win you do not move to Paris. Rachel: Ok! Can't believe I'm risking this again, but you're on! All right Joe, you remember the rules! Heads I win, tails you lose. Joey: Just flip! Rachel (she flips the coin): Ha, tails! Joey: Damnit! (Chandler and Monica enter the room) Chandler: Hey! Joey: Hey! Chandler: So we thought we'd throw you little going away party around seven. Rachel: Oh, that sounds good! Monica: Hey, Rach, you're leaving tomorrow, shouldn't you be packing? Rachel: It's all done! Monica: Oh, yeah, right! And after I took a shower this morning I just threw my towel on the floor! Oh God, it hurts to even joke about it. Rachel: I know... Honey, seriously, I did it all. The luggage that I'm taking is in the bedroom, this is Emma's Paris stuff, these are the boxes that I'm having shipped, and that's the sandwich that I made for the plane... Monica: Ok, so you've done some good work! (pause) What about your carry-ons? Rachel: Oh, well. Everything that I need (she takes her bag) is in here and my travel documents are on the counter organized in the order that I will be needing them. Monica: Oh my God! I have nothing left to teach you! (they hug) Chandler: Where's your passport? Rachel: It should be right next to my plane ticket. Chandler: Well, it's not. Rachel: What? Maybe I put it in here (she opens her bag). Oh, oh, it's not in there! Oh, no! I must have packed it in one of these boxes! Monica: Here, let me help you. (they both start opening boxes) Rachel: Shoot. Oh, I can't believe I did this! Chandler (to Joey): At what point did it stop being funny that I took her passport? OPENING SEQUENCE [Scene: Monica's apartment. Monica and Erica are talking about the baby, and Monica is rubbing Erica's tummy.] Monica: Oh, wow, can you believe you're like three weeks away? Erica: I know. Monica: You don't mind me touching your belly, do you? Erica: No, I don't mind you touching my belly, but right now your hand is kind of blocking the part where the baby is gonna come out. (She takes her hand off Erica. Ross enters the room) Ross: Hey! Erica: Hi. Ross: Hey Erica, welcome back to town! (pause) Wow, look how big you've gotten. Erica: That's because I'm pregnant! Ross: Right, no, I understand. Erica: Oh, ok. I'm just always afraid that people think I'm just fat with big breasts. Ross: No, no, I knew (he stares at her breasts). Monica (to Ross): Okay, well, stop staring at them. Ross: She brought them up! (pause) I didn't realize you were coming back so soon! Erica: Hey, well, in a couple of weeks I won't be able to travel. Monica: Yeah, and I wanted her to get to know the doctors and get settled into the hotel. Ross: Hotel? Why isn't she staying with you guys? Monica: Because we're moving in a couple of days and it just didn't make sense. Erica: Plus hotels are fun! My room has this little fridge full of free snacks! Ross: Erica, those things aren't free. In fact they have one of the highest mark-ups of any consumer product... Monica: Ross! She's giving us her baby. She can eat you if she wants. Erica (standing up): I'll be right back. Ross: Oh man, I can't believe you guys are leaving this place. Monica: Oh, I know. I know. Hey, you know, you can take it if you want! The lease is still in Nana's name. Ross: No, no. This will always be your place. It would be too sad. Plus, how much a month does it cost to feed Joey? Monica: Yeah, it takes two incomes. Ross: Hey, is Chandler here? We talked about catching a movie. Monica: Oh, no. He doesn't have time for that. But if you want, you can go help him and Joey pack up the guest room. Ross: Mhm, (he balance things) packing - sexy cheerleader comedy. Monica: Mhm, helpful brother - creepy loner at teen movie. (Ross takes the tape roll she's handing him and walks to the guest room while mocking Monica's voice) [Scene: Guest room. Joey has his head wrapped in bubbled wrap and Chandler is punching him. Ross enters the room.] Ross: What are you guys doing? Joey: Try it, I can't feel a thing! (Ross starts punching him too) Monica (enters the room): Are, are you kidding? This is packing? Chandler: We're taking a break! Monica: From? Chandler: Jumping on the bed? Monica: All right, Rachel's party is in a couple of hours and there's a lot to do. Now, Ross, you got Geller blood, you're in charge of these yahoos! Ross: You got it! (Monica leaves, Ross closes the door). All right, she's right, we gotta get serious. (He grabs a bag of styrofoam peanuts) Let's put styrofoam peanuts down his pants and kick him! Chandler: No, no, no, guys. She's right. We should get to work. I'll take stuff out of the closet, Joey you pack 'em and Ross you re-pack whatever Joey packs. (Joey takes the bubble wrap off his head) Joey: You guys hear a ringing? Chandler: (holding a pair of furry handcuffs) What the hell is this? Joey: Hey! Handcuffs! And fur line, nice! I didn't know you guys had it in ya! Ross: Chandler, you don't have a sister so you can't understand how much this bums me out. Chandler: I didn't know Monica had these! Joey: Mhm, maybe she used them with another boyfriend. Maybe Richard! Chandler: Why would she use them with Richard and not me? I can be kinky! I once did a naked dance for her... with scarves! Ross: Bumming hard, guys, bumming hard. [Scene: Monica's apartment. Phoebe and Ross enter the room.] Phoebe: Hey! Monica: Hey! Where's Mike? Phoebe: Oh, he has a gig. I kinda like being married to a rock star, you know. My husband has a gig. Ross: Yeah? Yeah, where is it? Phoebe: Oh, he's playing organ for a children's roller-skating party. Ross: Rock on! Phoebe (watching the food on the table): Wow, this is quite a spread! (pause) What is all this stuff? Monica: Well, I thought this would be a great opportunity to use up all the food that I don't want to move to the new house with me! So, enjoy: smoke oyster casserole with a breakfast cereal crust, kidney beans in their own juices, and for dessert, a questionable orange. Joey: (entering the room) Hey. Chandler: Hey. Ross: Hey, where's Rach? Joey: Oh, she's putting Emma down, she'll be over in a second. Ross: Great. Joey: Now it just hit her that she's leaving and she's kind of emotional so no one say anything to set her off, ok? Monica: Yeah. (Rachel enters the room) Everybody: Hey Rach, hey you. Ross: Here she is! Rachel (crying): Hi you guys! Joey: What did I just say? Rachel: No, no, no. It's ok. I'm gonna be fine. Monica: Come here, I'll make you a drink. Ross: Oh, man! I can't believe she's actually leaving. How am I gonna say goodbye to Rachel? Chandler: I know, she's been such a big part of my life. And it feels like when Melrose Place got cancelled. (Ross and Joey looks puzzled) I mean... oh, forget it. I miss Melrose Place! Joey (to Ross): You know, I had a chance to stop her too! Ross: Yeah? Joey: Who loses fifty seven coin tosses in a row? Head she wins, tails I lose. (he stops and starts realizing something) Wait a minute... Chandler: Yes, Joe? Joey: I forgot to pick up my dry cleaning! Phoebe (to Rachel): You doing ok? Rachel: Well, I've been better. Phoebe: Uh-hmm. Rachel: You guys are gonna come and visit me, right? Phoebe: Yes! You know, in six months the Statute of Limitations runs out and I can travel internationally again! Rachel: I'm gonna miss you so much. Phoebe: I know. Rachel: You know what? Uhm, I have some goodbye stuff that I wanted to say to each of you and I was gonna save it until the end of the night, but come here (they go into the guest room). Ross: Hey, what do you think they're doing in there? Joey: Huh, if I had to guess I'd say Rachel is putting on the bubble wrap and Phoebe is doing the punching. [Scene: Guest room. Rachel and Phoebe are sitting on the bed.] Rachel: Oh, Pheebs, I don't even know where to start. Phoebe: Ok well, before you do, I know we weren't supposed to get you going away presents, (she takes something out from her pocket) but I do have something for you. Rachel: Oh, oh. (she's holding the present, a transparent bag with a white stick in it). What is this? Phoebe: It's a cotton swab with a bit of my saliva on it, so that if they perfect the cloning process while you are over there, you can use the DNA to create your own Pheebs! Rachel: I'm gonna throw this away, but thank you so much for the gesture! [Scene: Monica's apartment. The living room.] Monica: Chandler? I was just in our bedroom and I found these (she holds the furry handcuffs) on my pillow. Chandler: Oh, yes. I decided to leave these out for you in case Richard stops by and you wanna engage on a little light bondage and moustache play! Monica: What are you talking about? These aren't mine. Chandler: Oh yeah, right! Good luck getting another scarf dance from me! Monica: That would be a terrible punishment. But, I'm serious, I've never seen these before. Chandler: Really? Then what are they doing in our guestroom? Monica: Rachel used to live in that room. Chandler: Rachel... with handcuffs! Interesting! (he looks excited) Monica: Joey's bare ass! Chandler: (he doesn't look excited anymore). Well played. (Phoebe and Rachel enter the living room.) Rachel: I love you Phoebe. Phoebe: I love you too. (they hug) Please don't... Don't turn into... you know... French bitch! (they hug again) Rachel: All right. Well, if I gonna do this, I'd better keep going. Phoebe: Ok. Rachel: Ok. Monica? Monica: Yeah? Rachel: Can you come here with me for a minute? Monica: Sure. Phoebe: (to Monica) Are you wearing waterproof mascara? Monica: No. Phoebe: Oh, you're so screwed. (Monica goes into the guest room) Ross: (to Phoebe) Hey. What was that all about? Phoebe: She's gonna say goodbye to each of us individually. Ross: Are you kidding? Oh my God... Phoebe: Yeah, I know, it's gonna be even worse for you... God... Ross, get ready to do some serious crying. Ross: Oh, man, I'm not going to be able to handle this. (pause) Now I know how my students feel at the end of each year. And why they act out by giving me such bad evaluations. [Scene: The guest bedroom. Rachel and Monica are talking to each other.] Rachel: Mon... Okay... I've gotta... just say what it is I'm gonna say... None of the amazing things that have happened to me in the last ten years, would have happened if it wasn't for you. No-one has been more like a sister to me... Monica: I know what you mean. You're like a sister to me too. Rachel: (starts crying and speaking at the same time, making it almost impossible to understand what she's saying) I wouldn't know what I'm gonna do without you... Monica: (having the same problem) You're the best friend I ever had. Rachel: (says something that cannot be understood) Monica: What? Rachel: I... I... I... (again saying something that cannot be understood) Monica: That is so sweet. (they hug) [Scene: Back to the living room. Monica and Rachel enter and hug each other. The guys see this.] Ross: (to Joey) Oh no, she took down Monica... And I'm the crier in the family. Oh God! I could be next. Maybe she won't talk with me if it looks like we're deep in converstation. Oh, so that thing you said about the thing. It really made me think about that other thing. Chandler: Uh, Rach? Ross: Well it's okay. Chandler is talking to her. Joey: I really made you think about that thing uh? Chandler: (to Rachel) Uh, Rach... I think I have something that belongs to you. (shows her the cuffs) Rachel: (laughs) Oh, I'm sure gonna miss pretending to laugh at your weird jokes that I don't get. Chandler: No, no, no... They're really yours. We... found them in your old room. Rachel: Well, these aren't mine. Maybe Monica used to use them with... Chandler: Don't say Richard! Well, if they're not Monica's and they're not yours, then whose are they? Rachel: Well, I think you're forgetting the kinkiest former resident of that room. Chandler: Pheebs! Phoebe: (from the other side of the room) Yeah! Chandler: I think these are yours. Phoebe: These are not mine... Look how flimsy they are, come on! Good God! You try to hang a guy from a waterpipe with these, they'll snap like a piece of licorice. Rachel: (to Chandler) Can I talk to you alone for a minute? Chandler: Sure. (to Phoebe) You don't really handcuff guys to waterpipes do you? Phoebe: Where do you think Mike really is? (she giggles, Chandler looks aghast) [Scene: The guest bedroom. Chandler and Rachel.] Rachel: Oh honey... Chandler: Let me just say something... Because once we get into this, I'm gonna get all uncomfortable and probably make some stupid joke... I just want to say that I... I love you... And, I'm gonna miss you. And I'm so sad that you're leaving. Rachel: (all mushy) Oh, you know what? Let's not say anything else. I love you. (they hug) Chandler: Ooh, not so tight... (blows raspberry, and the hug ends) I'm sorry, just give me one more chance. Rachel: Okay. Oh... (Chandler blows raspberry again) Rachel: Oh! Chandler: I'm sor... Just go. Just go. I can't, I can't. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica's living room. We look outside to the balcony where Rachel is saying goodbye to Joey.] Monica: (to Ross) So, I guess you're next. You're ready? Ross: I don't think so. Chandler: Oh, you're definately not. I haven't cried like that in years. Monica: You cried yesterday at the six o'clock news. Chandler: That old woman was being scammed by her mechanic. Ross: God! I can't believe she saved me for last. (looking out to the balcony) Why are they taking so long? Phoebe: I don't know. But, God, Joey seems to be handling it suprisingly well. (Rachel and Joey hug, and Rachel turns to enter the apartment through the side window again. At that moment Joey tries to climb over the edge of the balcony.) All: No, no, no, no! (Rachel rushes back and pulls Joey back onto the balcony, and takes him inside.) Ross: Okay, here we go... Rachel: Oh... (holding Ross's shoulder) Well... Ross: Yeah... Rachel: I think I'm gonna take off. (pats Ross on his back, but he looks very surprised) Ross: Huh? Rachel: Oh, you guys. This was an amazing night. Thank you so much. I love you. Good night. (She leaves the apartment and they all stare at Ross) Ross: What? I don't get a goodbye? Joey: (still very emotional) Lucky b*st*rd! [Scene: Monica's apartment continued... Phoebe, Chandler, Monica and Joey are sitting down and Ross is pacing up and down.] Ross: Unbelievable. She says goodbye to everyone but me. Monica: Well, maybe she thought that with all of your history it could be, you know, implicit. Ross: Well, it needs to be plicit. Joey: All right, let's think about this. I mean, there's got to be an explanation. Uh... did you do anything to make her mad? Ross: No, I don't think so. Phoebe: You know, maybe she was just really spent from our talk. It was pretty intense. Monica: Yeah. Mine too. Chandler: Mine was a humdinger Ross: (annoyed) O-kay... I mean, don't I deserve anything? I mean, a few tears, a cursory hug? (Joey gives Ross a hug) NOT FROM YOU! (Joey lets go) Phoebe: Ross, if you're this upset, you should go and talk to her. Monica: And say what? "You owe me a goodbye", I mean, he's got more pride than that. Ross: THE HELL I DO! (Ross takes big steps leaving for Joey and Rachel's apartment, where Rachel is going through her papers.) Ross: I don't get a goodbye? Rachel: What? Ross: (talking agitated and angry) Everyone gets a goodbye but me? What have I got to do to get a goodbye, huh? Be best friends with you? Uh, go out with you? Have a baby with you? Oh wait a minute, wait a minute, I did all those things. Rachel: Ross... Ross: Oh no, maybe it's me, I'm just not giving you enough credit. Uh, I mean it is difficult to say goodbye to five people. Uh, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, good... (makes choking noises) IT'S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE. You know what? After all we've been through, I can't believe this is how you want to leave things between us. Have a, have a good time in Paris. (He leaves the apartment. Rachel looks kind of desperate.) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. The others are still there.] Monica: I hope Ross isn't too upset. Joey: I'm sure he's not more bummed out than I am. Phoebe: Tell me about it. Chandler: Well, you can't say we don't know how to throw a party. Phoebe: All right, I think I'm gonna head out. Monica: Uh, where do you think you're going? Phoebe: I thought I was going home to go to bed, but I'm sensing there's something less fun for me to do here. Monica: We're moving in a couple of days and we've got a lot of packing to do. It would be great if you guys could pitch in. Chandler: Joey and I can finish up in the guest room. Joey: Oh, yeah, yeah, good idea. (he mimes hitting his head with his fist) Monica: Oh no! You and Phoebe are gonna help me in here. Chandler: (to Joey) You couldn't be cool. (he goes to the guest bedroom) Monica: Okay, we're gonna start in the kitchen. Plates get put into plate protectors and stacked ten to a box. The silverware gets bundled in rubber bands and then bubble wrapped. Got it? Phoebe and Joey: Yeah. Monica: Good! Now I need you to be careful and efficient. And remember, if I am harsh with you, it is only because you are doing it wrong. Chandler: Hey Mon, I think I figured out whose handcuffs they are. Monica: You did? How? Chandler: Well, I was cleaning out the closet and I found some pictures of them... being used. Monica: Oh my God! Let me see. (they all look at the pictures) Joey: Who's that dirty old lady? Chandler: Monica's grandmother. Monica: Nana liked it rough! (Erica, the pregnant girl, enters) Erica: Hi! All: Hey! Joey: Come on here, have a seat. Phoebe: How was your night? Erica: Oh, it was okay. I went to a movie with my cousin and then out for dinner. We went to this place that had... Ooh... (she looks likes she is in pain, holding her belly) Hoo... ooh... Anyway, they had these really amazing cheeseburgers. Monica: Erica, are you okay? Erica: Yeah, you know, maybe I ate too much. I keep getting these stomach aches. They come and go like every few minutes. Monica: Oh my God! Chandler: Relax! We just get her some antacids. Monica: She doesn't have a stomach ache, she's in labor. Chandler: Oh my God! Phoebe: Yeah, you got to get to the hospital. Monica: All right, Chandler get the coats. Erica let's go. Phoebe and Joey, keep packing! Oh my God we're gonna have a baby. All right. We're gonna have a baby! OH MY GOD, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY! Oh God, oh God, I got to sit down, I got to sit down. Ooh! (she's hyperventilating) Chandler: Honey, it's gonna be okay. Erica: You can do this. Just breathe. Monica: Okay, okay... Okay, I feel a little better. Erica: (in pain) Ooh! Are you sure? Monica: Oh... Yes, I'm sure. Oh honey, let's go. Okay bye everyone. (there's a lot of supportive cheers from all. Erica, Monica and Chandler leave.) Joey: Chandler, wait, wait, wait... Chandler: What? Joey: If you get a second, find out where she got that cheeseburger. [Scene: Ross's apartment. Rachel bursts in.] Rachel: You really think I didn't say goodbye to you because I don't care? Ross: That's what it seemed like. Rachel: I cannot believe that after ten years, you do not know ONE thing about me. Ross: Fine, then why didn't you say something? Rachel: Because it is too damn hard Ross. I can't even begin to explain to you how much I'm gonna miss you. When I think about not seeing you every day, it makes me not want to go... Okay, so if you think that I didn't say goodbye to you because you don't mean as much to me as everybody else, you're wrong. It's because you mean more to me. So there, all right, there's your goodbye... Oh! Ross: Rach! Rachel: What? Ross: You keep, you keep... You can't... Rachel: WHAT? (Ross walks over to her and starts to kiss her passionately. After a while Rachel backs out. She thinks a while and starts kissing him back.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment.] Joey: A little more. Phoebe: Okay. (she starts to stuff styrofoam peanuts down the front of Joey's pants.) Joey: A little more, a little more. (she stuffs some more down his pants and Joey's assesses the how many there already are in there.) A little more... All right. Okay, all right, let's do this. Phoebe: All right, ready? Joey: Yeah. All right, now give me your best shot. Phoebe: All right, here it goes... (she knees him in the crotch. He jumps up a bit) Joey: (in pain) Doesn't work... (he falls down on on his knees with his head on the floor)

As Erica arrives in New York to prepare for the baby's birth, the gang hold Rachel's going away party, during which she gives each of her friends an individual goodbye, moving them all to tears, except for Ross, leaving him hurt and wondering why she doesn't say goodbye to him. Rachel later reveals to Ross that with their history, it would be too difficult for her to say goodbye to him, and the emotional argument that follows leads to them sleeping together. Monica and Chandler start packing up their apartment and Chandler finds a pair of handcuffs and tries to find out who they belong to. Erica goes into labor, leading Chandler and Monica to rush her to the hospital.

fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_04x14

fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_04x14_0

An Initiative briefing. Maggie: This is your objective. Narrator: Previously on Buffy the vampire slayer. Walsh: .. demon classed as the Polgara species Engelman: ...bone skewers jut from the creature's forearms during battle. It's imperative not to damage its arms. Buffy: Why exactly can't we damage this polka thing's arms? Cut to Engelman and Walsh in a lab. Engelman: She's an unnecessary risk. Cut to Walsh speaking to Buffy. Walsh: Two of our hostiles broke free Cut to Buffy faces the two demons Walsh: and escaped into the tunnels Cut to Walsh and Riley in the Initiative. Walsh: She's dead Riley. Riley: I don't understand. On the monitors behind them. Buffy: Professor Walsh if you think that's enough to kill me. you really don't know what a slayer is. Cut to Walsh musing in lab. Walsh: She wants a fight we'll give her one. Cut to Buffy talking. Buffy: It's not safe for any of us. Cut to Walsh musing in lab. Walsh: And then when she least expects it, ahhh. She is impaled by a skewer. Walsh: Adam. Adam: Mommy. cut to Giles apt. This scene is a direct continuation of the previous episode with a time gap of perhaps one to five minutes. Buffy is talking to Giles, Willow, Xander, Anya and Spike. Buffy: So Maggie sends me down into the sewers with one of those blasto guns and the next thing I know it's raining monsters. Xander: Hallelujah. Buffy: And then this gate slams down behind me and I-I try to use the gun but it goes pfft. Giles: You're saying that Maggie Walsh set you up? Buffy: That's exactly what I'm saying. She sent me on a one way recon. Spike: Got to hand it to you goldilocks - you do have bleeding tragic taste in men. I've got a cousin married to a regurgitating {{frovilops}} demon {that's} got better instincts than you. Buffy: What does my taste in men have to do with this? Spike: You think Riley was out knitting booties for your future offspring while Maggie stringing you up? Anya, Xander and Giles are silent. Buffy: You guys think Riley had something to do with this. Giles: Um, probably not but we, uh, be remiss if we didn't think all the possibilities {through}. Buffy: {Great./Right.} Remiss. No! No, Maggie made sure that he was nowhere around when she sent me on this very special make Buffy dead assignment. Willow: Plus Riley he seems like he wouldn't tell a little white lie let alone a whole bunch of big dirty ones. Xander: That's why they call it the secret forces Will, cause they kinda keep the whole lying thing to themselves. Buffy: All I know is that Maggie has it in for me which means the Initiative has it in for me. Xander: I'm guessing the mad scientist isn't too keen on the fact that the entire scooby gang knows that the Initiative is up to no good. Buffy: Which brings us back to the not safe for any of us concept. Giles: What could have happened to make Professor Walsh want to kill you? Buffy: I don't know, uh. She wasn't keen on the fact that I was asking a lot of questions that's for sure. Anya: So you were getting too close to something. Giles: Clearly. Although one can only imagine what she'd be so desperate to hide. cut to An Initiative exit. A being exits. Adam is sewn together from parts of different demons. He has a metal brace on his left leg, there are metal parts on the left side of his face and the back of his head, his right breast, his right shoulder and forearm of his right arm. The only recognizably human portion is the right upper side of his face and his hair. His left eye is red. He had green and grey-pink demon parts sewn together and there is a huge scar or seam with what could be links of a large chain reinforcing it running down the middle of his chest. He is a mix of demon, Frankenstein monster and Terminator/Borg. It smiles. roll credits Buffy: Everybody grab a weapon. We've gotta move. Buffy hands Xander an ax and Anya a grappling hook (like a fisherman might use.) Xander: Storm the Initiative. Yeah let's take on those suckers. Buffy: I was thinking more that we'd hide. Xander: Oh thank God. Giles: I think perhaps we should talk about this. Buffy: We need to relocate someplace we're less likely to be found. We need to come up with a plan. Willow: We could go to my place. Buffy: The Initiative guys know how close we are. They'll automatically check the places that you hang out. Xander, what about your basement? The guys haven't seen us together that much and there's enough room. Willow: Ooh Plus mirrored ball. Xander: Cool! Come on down and boogie at Xander's hideaway. Anya (less happy): Yes, come boogie. Giles: Absolutely not! I will not squat in that dank hole. Spike: What, it was good enough for me, but you're above it all? Giles: Precisely. Besides I-I don't see why we can't stay right where we are. Pfft. It's very unlikely that those Initiative boys are going to come round here to look for uh_ Door bangs open. Riley enters. Riley: Buffy! God Buffy are you ok? What happened? Buffy: You know? Riley: I know something went down. umph. Tell me. Buffy: Maggie tried to kill me. Anya: It didn't work, but they're all upset anyway. Riley: Ok listen I need you to go over everything step by step. There has to be..has to be some kind of mistake Xander: There was no mistake. And how do you know something happened? Riley: I was on a mission but I came back and... I'm not sure.. Look let's just keep her heads and not jump to any _ Riley stops and is staring. Buffy: What? Riley: That's hostile 17. Spike: No, I'm just a friend of Xaannderr's. Pfftt. Spike drops his drawl. Spike: Bugger it. I'm your guy. Buffy: This is Spike. He's um.. It's a really long story b-but he's not bad anymore. Spike jumps up. Spike: Hey! What am I, a bleeding broken record? I'm bad it's just I can't bite anymore. Thanks to you w*nk*rs. Spike indicates Riley with a head movement. Riley: We've been looking all over the place for him - but you've known where's he's been all along. Buffy: It's not like that. Riley: Then what is it like?.. What's he doing here? Spike: Leaving you swabs to your dramatics, thanks. I've got my stories on the telly for that. Spike puts on his black leather coat Spike: By the by. If you're trying to kill her. Spike leans back with a big grin and two thumbs up. (His Fonzie imitation?) Buffy and Willow roll their eyes. Spike runs out the door into the sunlight covering his head and arms with his coat. Riley: Buffy, what is this? You're hiding an H.S.T.? Xander: Why don't you just back off and let her ask the questions, Jack? Your boss just tried to make monster food out of her. Riley looks around. Giles crosses his arms. Riley: I-I didn't see much, I wasn't there unnhhh. All I know is that Professor Walsh told me you were dead but then I saw you on the monitors. Ummph. {look} This isn't Professor Walsh. Ummph. There must be something making her act this way. Something ummph I don't know, controlling her. Giles (softly): We think Buffy may have been becoming too inquisitive. That she was getting close to something that Professor Walsh was trying to hide. Do you have any idea what that might be? Buffy: What about 314? Maybe that's it. Riley: Maybe she was trying to test you. What if it was only a drill? Buffy: Then why did she tell you I was dead? Riley it wasn't a test. Giles (softly): See I've heard rumors that the Initiative isn't all that we've been told. That, um, secretly they're working toward some darker purpose, something that might harm us all. Riley: No! That's - that's not what happens there. Buffy: Riley! Riley: I would know! Buffy: No one is sure of anything, ok? We're were just trying to sort it out. Riley: I can't be here. I'll sort it out on my own. Buffy: Riley. Riley: No. Just, umph, I'm sorry. Riley leaves. Cut to A forested area. A small boy, perhaps 7 to 9, is squatting and playing with a silver armored doll. His bike is beside him. Adam sees the boy and approaches. Adam: What am I? The boy stands. Boy: You're a monster. Adam (resigned?): I thought so. Adam (curious?): What are you? Boy: Me? I'm a boy. Adam: A boy. How do you work? Boy: I don' know. I just do. Boy points to bone skewer/spur coming of Adam's wrist. Boy: What's that for? Adam raises his wrist to look at the skewer, then looks at the boy. Adam smiles. Cut to Riley wandering the campus at night. He passes a couple on a bench. A solitary student passes him. Cut to Engelman entering darkened lab. He flicks the light switch several times but nothing happens. Engelman: Dr Walsh? Engelman closes the door slowly. Engelman: Adam? Engelman slips and falls. He sees red on his hands and realizes it is blood. He looks to see the puddle leads to a body. He trembles and scrambles back. Cut to Mirrored ball in Xander's basement. Zooming and engine sounds are heard. Reflected light from the ball strikes Giles in the eye waking him. He is sleeping in plastic furniture. Pan past a makeshift curtain to Willow, Anya and Buffy in bed watching television. Wiley Coyote drops a wrecking ball on a chain. The ball misses the Roadrunner and instead of stopping halfway up, continues in a full circle, taking out Wiley Coyote. Buffy: That would never happen. Willow: Well, no Buff, that's why they call them cartoons, not documentaries. Giles: Must we have the noise. My head is splitting. Giles is standing and turns off the tv. Willow: Well, look who's cranky bear in the morning. Giles: Yes I can't imagine why I didn't sleep well in my beach ball. Anya: Every time you moved it made squeaky noises. It was irritating. Giles: Really. I'm surprised you could hear it over your Wagnerian snoring. Buffy: Ok you guys, could we not please? Everything's screwed up enough without you two doing scenes from my parent's marriage. Anya (to Giles): Sorry. Giles (to Anya): {Sorry/Sallright.} Buffy: Thank you. Willow: It'll be ok Buffy, Riley's just confused, that's all. Buffy: I don't know. It just seems like things could get heavier. His whole world's falling apart. Anya: And after everything you've been through with Angel. You really should get yourself a boring boyfriend. Like Xander. You can't have Xander! Buffy: That was the idea. Riley was supposed to be Mr. {{Joe Guy.}} We were going to do dumb things like hold hands through the daises going tra-la-la. Willow: Poor Buffy. Your life resists all things average. Anya: So dump him. But you can't have Xander! Buffy: I'll try and remember that. It's too late anyway - I'm already at the I hurt when he hurts, I smile when he smiles stage. Anya: I hate that part. Buffy: I'll just have to make it work. Xander comes down the stairs carrying a breakfast tray with orange juice and some food. Xander: Turn on the tv. Now! Willow does so and lays down again. TV Announcer: Sunnydale is still reeling from news of the crime. A source in the coroner's office tells us that the boy was stabbed with what looks like some kind of large skewer and his body was then mutilated. Police have not named a suspect and the killer is still at large. Buffy: The Polgara demon had a skewer in its arm. That's the one that Maggie insisted we bring back alive. Giles: She must have sent it after you. Buffy: And it got distracted... God. Willow: Buffy, its not your fault. Anya shakes head. Willow: How could you know? Giles: She's right. You mustn't blame yourself. Xander shakes head. Buffy: I'm not going to. I'm going to the crime scene to see what I can find out. Buffy stands. Buffy: You guys research the Polgara demon. I want to know where it is. When I find it I'm going to make him pay for taking that kid's life, I'll make him die in ways he can't even imagine. Anya's eyes lower. Buffy: That probably would have sounded more commanding if I wasn't wearing my yummy sushi pajamas. Cut to Frat house. Riley starts walking up the stairs. Forest sees him and catches up. Forrest: Hey. Where've you been all night? Well, congratulations. I see you and Buffy have finally gotten past the shy phase. Riley: I wasn't with Buffy. I had to be alone, think some things through. Forrest: What things? Riley enters his room and closes the door behind Forest. Forrest: This is mighty ominous. Forrest: What's up man? Riley: Professor Walsh tried to have Buffy killed. Forrest: What? Did Buffy tell you that, I mean do you have any proof? Riley: I saw enough to know it's true. Forrest: I don't get it. Why? Riley: I dunno. Buffy thinks that she's getting too close to something - that Professor Walsh has some secret. Forrest: I wouldn't put it past Buffy to get on Professor Walsh's bad side. She tends to put her nose where it doesn't belong. Riley: What? Forrest: She's a pain. Always wanting to know why this and why that? Riley: And you're saying she should die because of that? Forrest: I don't know. Maybe Professor Walsh found out that Buffy was up to something bad. That ever cross your mind? Riley: Why does it bug you so much that I'm hanging with her? Is it because she's a better soldier than you? Forrest: It bugs me that she's using you to infiltrate our operation. Riley: So you saying that she's a spy? Hmpph You're crazy. Forrest: Riley think about it. The professor's not stupid, she tried to kill Buffy, maybe Buffy needed killing. Graham enters. Graham: Guys. Riley: Not now {Brian/Graham/Brad}. Graham doesn't leave. Forrest: What is it? Graham: Professor Walsh is dead. Cut to Initiative lab. Riley goes to see Walsh's body. Two scientists kneel over it. Military garbed types are standing guard. Forrest arrives moments later. Forrest: Look at that wound. She's been staked, wouldn't you say brother? Riley: What? Forrest: Only one person I can think of that who could do something like that. Riley: You better not be saying what I think you're saying. When we don't know a person did this - the Polgara demon has skewers. Riley walks off. Forrest walks after him. Forrest: {No way } man that's your girlfriend's m.o. Riley grabs Forest's shirt. Riley: That's a serious accusation. You better be ready to deal with the consequences. Forrest shoves Riley back. Forrest: Bring em on. That supernatural freak has blinded you and I'm sick of it. Riley: That's enough. Engelman: Stand back {man/Finn}. Show some respect. Listen, everybody's upset but arguing isn't going to help anything and it's certainly not what Professor Walsh would want. Riley: No sir. Engelman: Alright, good. Now Washington is sending in a team to do an internal investigation. I've been told we have to wait for their word. Riley: What do you mean wait? This has to be the work of the Polgara demon we captured last week. Engelman: Probably. It looks like last night the Polgara escaped through tunnel 72. Riley: It's out loose somewhere? Engelman: I'm afraid so. Riley: Then we have to go after it. Engelman: My orders from Washington are for a total lock down until they arrive. I'm sorry. Now, return to your quarters. There's nothing you can do here. cut to Riley and some commandos alone. Riley: Listen. Engelman can talk all he wants, but I'm still in charge 'til the brass gets here and tells me otherwise and I say we've got a demon to hunt. Now suit up for armed patrol And by that I mean loaded guns, men. Target practice is over. We're {going} for blood. Cut to daylight. The Initiative is entering mausoleums or burial crypts. various voices: Move. Let's go inside. Establish a perimeter. {unintelligible} back. Forrest and Graham enter a crypt. Forrest: Somebody's been staying here. Graham: What do you think, a homeless guy? Forrest: Could be - or a squatter of the demon variety. Graham: Not the Polgara. Forrest: Who cares? I see a demon - it dies. Graham puts his hand on the tv. Graham: It's warm. Both remove cover of a fixed stone coffin only to find bones and a black shroud/dress. Forrest: Damn. Forrest smashes the tv with the butt of his gun as he leaves. Forrest: Animals! Spike peeks out from beneath the bones and the black dress or shroud. He exhales. cut to The crime scene. Buffy looks from a distance. Yellow tape surround a policeman, someone in plain clothes and two ambulance personnel. Behind Buffy Riley approaches past a policeman dressed in commando garb. Riley: Buffy. Hey. Buffy: Hey. Buffy: Look I'm sorry about earlier. I know that {{au burn?}} came on pretty strong. And the Spike thing isn't as tweaked as it looks. Ok maybe it is but there's an explanation that almost makes sense. Hello. I'm apologizing here. And I-I think that's pretty big of me considering I'm the one who was almost made a demon sandwich. This is the part where you throw me a bone. Riley: Maggie's dead. silence Riley: Happy now? Buffy: How can you ask me that? Of course I'm not happy. What happened? Riley: That's classified. Buffy: Classifie_ The Polgara. It got her and escaped. Didn't it? Buffy: I'm gonna find it. I'm gonna find it and destroy it. And then you can stop asking me how happy all this death makes me. She walks away Cut to knocks Tara opens her door. Willow: Howdy. Tara: I just got your message a minute ago. I was in class. But I was about to call you. Willow: I had so much fun the other night, those spells. Tara: Yeah, that was nice. Willow: I hope you don't think that I just come over for the spells and everything. I mean ,I really like just talking and hanging out with you and stuff. Tara: I know that. But you wanna do a spell. Willow: Yeah. Tara giggles. Willow: But only because it's really important. There's this.. Tara: No you don't have to explain I don't mind really. I've been uh thinking about that last spell we did... all day. Willow: You have? Tara: Mmmhmmm. Willow: Well this one should be really fun too. We conjure the goddess Thespia to help us locate demonic energy in the area. Tara: The goddess Thespia. Are you sure we're ready for that? Willow: You and me! This is beneath us. Tara: Ok. exhales Tara: If you say so. cut to bar Buffy enters. Willy cringes and moves down to the end of the bar after tilting his head to tell Buffy to move down there. Demons are drinking, hanging out. Willy: You're killing me here. Buffy: Oh missed you too. Joint's jumping. Willy: Yeah ya know. I'm making some changes with my life. Getting away from my old image. Buffy: You mean as a double dealing snitch. Willy: Uh Hunh. I know you're going think I'm blowing smoke, but after those Apocalypse demons nearly did me in I had an experience of the spiritual variety. Buffy: That's swell really. But I need to know if you've heard anything about a Polgara demon doing some killings in the last few days. Willy: You see that's the thing. I don't talk behind people's backs no more. And I'm bringing some class to the joint, ya know. It's Willy's Place now, see. Brings in a better clientele. I got one of those deep fryers. These demons just go crazy for chicken fingers. Look - if they see me dealing with you then I'm just the same old Willy working both sides of the street. Buffy: I'm going to have to punch you aren't I? Willow: Just once and it don't have to hurt, just make it look good. Buffy cocks her arm. Willy: Ohhh. Oww. Buffy: Not yet. I haven't touched you Willy: Sorry right, right, g-go ahead. Wait. Willy (loudly): No! I can't talk to you! Buffy punches him. She doesn't seem to have held back. Willy grabs his nose. Willy: Ohhh! Owwww! Buffy: What have you heard about the Polgara? Willy: Heard there was one around a week or two back. Word was you got him. You and those army guys. Buffy: And that was the last you heard? Willy: Yeah as far as I know he's off the streets. Buffy: What about those army guys? What do you know? You heard anything about 314? Beads rattle as Riley enters. Buffy: What are you doing here? Following me? Riley: You told me you were tracking the Polgara demon, I thought I'd help. But now I see you're not hunting demons you're socializing with them. Again! I thought you were supposed to be killing these things not buying them drinks. Buffy: Oh that's smooth, officer Riley. They teach you those undercover moves in special forces? Riley: No I'm serious Buffy. What are you doing here? Willy: Just cooling her dogs like the rest of us. Why don't you sit down, relax? Riley: I want you to tell me. Who are you? Willy: No kidding. How about I get you some chicken fingers on the house? Riley: Hey think you could shut up! Willy: Look I'm just saying. Riley: I said shut up! Or maybe you'd like to go back to the lab with me. I'm sure the coats would love to classify a - whatever you are. Buffy: Leave him alone Riley, he's human. Riley: So he's human. Riley is trembling. Buffy: You're shaking. Riley: He just harbors demons. Which makes him a good guy like you? Riley grabs Buffy's arms. Riley: The truth, Buffy, now! Buffy: You have the truth. You are just screwed up because of what happened to Professor Walsh to see it. Now let go of me. Buffy breaks his grip. An old woman starts to leave. Riley: Hold it you! Riley turns with drawn pistol pointed at the woman. Riley: No leaving til I say so! His hand is trembling. Willy: Hey! We got new rules here, no killing. Riley: Right. Except rules don't seem to apply much these days do they? Like if I shot you right now I don't know if I'd have a corpse on my hands or one pissed off vampire. Buffy: Riley. Riley: I mean who do you believe? First it sounds like lies, then it sounds like truth. Buffy (softly): Riley. Silence. The old woman starts crying. Perhaps she says please in between sobs. Riley's hand continues to shake. Riley puts gun down on bar, smashing glasses. Riley trembles and Buffy steps closer. Riley: Oh what's happening to me? =3D=3D=3D cut to Xander's basement Riley sits on a bed holding his head in his hands. The makeshift curtain is closed to allow some privacy. Buffy sits next to him and puts a shawl on his back. He sets it down. Buffy: Riley why don't you lie down? You'll be more comfortable. Riley is shaking. And he is scratching his hand bloody. Buffy: Stop it. Buffy grabs his hand. Riley: I can't. It's like something's growing inside of me. Buffy: No. You're hurting yourself. Ok shhh. Buffy takes off her bandana and wraps it around his hand. Riley: I thought I knew, but I don't. I don't know anything. Buffy (softly): Sshhh. You're sick. Once you get some rest... Riley trembles and shakes during this. Riley: No. Buffy. I don't know... anything. I don't know what's going on. Who the bad guys are. Maybe I'm the bad guy. Maybe I'm the thing you should kill. Buffy: No! Don't you even think that. Buffy strokes Riley's cheek. Buffy (softly): Ok listen to me. You're sick. You just need to get some sleep. Please. Lie down for me. Come on. Riley curls up in a fetal position. Shaking. Buffy strokes his forehead. Buffy: {It'll} be ok. Riley seems to calm and shake less. His breathing calms. Perhaps he is asleep. Buffy exits through the makeshift curtains. [SCENE_BREAK] On the other side. Giles: How is he? Buffy: It isn't just grief making him act this way. Something's affecting him physically and its getting worse. Anya: {Do} you think Professor Walsh did something to him? Buffy: I don't know, but I'm ready to find out. Xander: That's gonna be tough, what with Maggie's deadness and all. Buffy: She must have kept records somewhere. A-about Riley, about 314, about all of it. And I'm sure she wasn't the only person that knew what she was up to. Xander: So what's the plan? Buffy: Giles, Anya keep researching. Xander, you and I are going undercover. Anya: Hey! Remember before. No Xander! Not in a boyfriend way or a lead him to a certain death way. Buffy: He's the only one with military experience. Anya: It's not like he was in the 'Nam. He was GI Joe for one night. Xander: It's ok Anya. I've backed up Buffy before. Anya: Can't you do something else to help them? Like... Xerox handouts or something? Xander holds Anya's arms. Xander: I'll be careful. Promise. Xander goes off. Giles: It's a minor point but how do you plan to get in to the Initiative? I sure their, uh, security system's almost impenetrable. Buffy: I have my clearance. I'm hoping she didn't have time to revoke it. Giles: {Ok}. As to the whereabouts of this Polgara demon... I'm afraid we've-we've not turned up much. There's been no reports since its original capture. Buffy: Then we'll just have to keep looking. cut to A square of twine with the points held down by four different colored crystals. Pull back to reveal Willow and Tara sitting. Tara: So the square is Sunnydale. Willow: Right it's like a map. We both take different parts of the potion and when we do the incantation we both blow it onto the square at the exact same time. Tara: But hown does it work? Willow: Well that's the cool part. When the potion mixes and Thespia is called it creates this mist over the parts where the demons are. I-It even makes different colors for different breeds. Tara: Wow. Tara nodds. Willow: You ready? Tara nodds. Willow pours some green powder into Tara's hand from a grey stone bowl or mortar, then some white powder into her own hand from a green mortar. Willow: Let's do it. Willow closes her eyes. Tara closes her eyes. Tara: Thespia, we walk in shadow, walk in blindness. You are the protector of the night. Willow: Thespia, goddess, ruler of all darkness, we implore you, open a window to the world of the underbeing. Both blow but Tara surreptitiously lowers her hand and dumps her powder under the bed/table cloth? while Willow is actually blowing her powder. Willow: With your knowledge may we go in safety. With your grace may we speak of your benevolence. Willow opens her eyes to see no effect. Willow: Or not. Willow looks confused. Tara looks down and looks back a Willow. Cut to Frat house. Buffy is wearing glasses with her hair up in a bun and carrying a white cloth bag. Xander is dressed in green military style gear. But he has a white t-shirt showing. Xander: Seems pretty quite. Buffy: It usually is this time of _ A man goes past them. They continue on. Buffy touches a panel and then stands in front of the full length mirror. Xander: Buff, maybe You should check the look later. Buffy: Shhh. Buffy pushes Xander so he is not in front of the mirror. Xander: Oww! What'd you do that for? Buffy: Sorry, I'm the only one that can pass the retinal scan. Xander: The. Ewww. I don't wanna see that. Buffy: Retinal. Scan. Xander. Buffy: Well we'll know in a few seconds if my clearance is still good. Xander: Or if we're about to die at the hands of fifty grief filled military goons. Voice: Retinal scan recorded. Summers, Buffy. Elevator opens and Buffy steps in. Xander: Why am I not entirely comforted by the arrival of the man-sized microwave? Xander steps in. The doors close behind them. View of the elevator from below as it descends. They exit as the doors open. Cut to The Iniative. Xander: Holy moley. Buffy: I know. Speaker voice: {____} Xander: I totally get it now. Can I have s*x with Riley too? Buffy looks at Xander. Speaker voice: Dr Forman {to the examining area} Xander: Quick pretend to make out with me. Buffy: Wait, what are you talking about? Xander: Well I uh, you know. In the movies the guy and the girl have to hide. Speaker voice: {Doctor _} Buffy: Please, could you possibly draw more attention to us. The two guys Xander saw coming up the stairs pass them as Buffy looks at her clipboard. Speaker voice: Agent Owens to interrogation. Buffy: This is the Initiative Xander. Military guys and scientists do not make out with each other. Xander: Well maybe that's wrong with the world. Ever think about that? Cut to Xander's basement. Willow: It totally failed. It wasn't even like the spell went wrong. It just wouldn't. Giles: If it's any consolation, we haven't fared much better here. Willow: Really. Is Riley ok? Giles: Well he's asleep finally. {But} he doesn't look good. And the, uh, research is troubling as well. I mean, this-this demon we're after seems highly atypical for a Polgara. This child that it killed is mutilated. There's no recorded cases of a Polgara ever having done such a thing. Anya: Also the Polgara have to eat every two hours. Factor in the low I.Q. and you have a demon who's not exactly low profile. Willow: So how had he been hiding in Sunnydale for the last two days without anyone seeing him? Giles: Exactly. Willow pulls back the curtain surrounding the bed. Riley is standing there, no longer lying down. Willow: Riley! Riley: Where's Buffy? Willow: She went out. Can-can I get you something? Riley: Just tell me where she is. Giles: You're not well Riley you need to rest. Riley puts on his boots. Riley: Did she find the Polgara? Hunh? Is that it? Giles: Well, no, we're still looking. Riley: Well what? Willow: She went to find out what's making you sick. Riley: I'm not sick. Are you're telling me she went to the Initiative. Riley goes to grab his stuff. Willow: Riley she's just trying to help you. Willow moves between Riley and the stairs. Riley: She doesn't belong there. Willow: Riley listen/ Riley: Stand away from the stairs. Willow: No, you're gonna get Buffy killed. Riley tosses Willow behind him and she falls. Giles: Hey. Riley goes up the stairs. Giles and Anya go to a fallen Willow. They help her up. Giles: You alright? cut to Initiative. Buffy eavedrops on a conversation while Xander stands by her. Engelman: how many of the men are still out the longer they go without their meds Scientist: Everyone's off their schedules because of the professors' death. Engleman: It's dangerous I don't want to think about the damage out guys could do under the stress of withdrawal especially since they won't understand what's happening to them. These guys don't know they've been getting meds in their food so we better get them in here stat Scientist: we've located all but a few. the last ones were in pretty bad shape but we stabilized them Engleman: but Finn wasn't one of them, right. Scientist: no Engleman: Find him. He's the one I care about. He's too important to our work to lose now. Scientist: indeed. cut to bar music: I had said it time and time again spike: double shot of {{verneg}}, keep. Make it the good stuff don't want no freaking orangutan willy: got ya Spike: been a real pisser of a day isn't it? Those army blokes are on a tear. They ran me out of my place. And all over town. A demon places a hand on his shoulder Spike: Yeah what's that. Spike gets punched in the face Engleman: Keep me posted. I'll be in records Engleman enters a room with his card and Buffy manages to follow him before the door shuts. Buffy grabs Engelman's shirt. Buffy: Now I don't generally like to kill humans. But I've learned that it pays to be flexible in life. Engleman: I was wondering when you'd turn up. Buffy: Oh darn! She takes off the glasses. Buffy: So this isn't a surprise. She sets the glasses down. Buffy: Now you can tell me what you did to Riley and after that we can take a tour of room 314. Engleman: Somebody's coming, you know. I'm sure they've already seen you on the security monitors. Riley enters. Riley: Monitors are non-functional at this time, sir. Went down about ten minutes ago. Buffy: What! I didn't do that. Xander: Thank god for small favors and we'll worry about the details later, hunh, Buff? Engleman: Finn take this girl to the stockade immediately. Buffy: Riley, he can tell us what we need to know. Maggie wanted me dead, didn't she? Engleman: She did. He looks at Riley Engleman: But understand the Initiative has no interest in eliminating the slayer. He looks back at Buffy. Engleman: It was her own vendetta. Buffy: Why? Spell it out for me! I feel an attack of dumb blonde coming on. Engleman: I don't know. {Buffy grabs a little tighter.} Buffy: Well think harder! Engleman: It was the project. Buffy: Project? 314. Engleman: It... He looks at Riley and back. Engleman: It escaped. Riley steps closer. Riley: That's enough! You're making her sound like some psychopath. She wasn't like that! she was a brillant woman! Engleman is looking at Riley. Engleman moves his hand downward in a take it easy gesture. Engleman: She was. It's not.. Riley: All she was doing was trying to help people and this is the way you want them to remember her! Buffy: Engleman said Walsh was feeding you drugs. Riley moves within arm's reach. Buffy lets Engelman go. Riley (pointing to Buffy): You're doing this to me, aren't you? Engleman slips back. Riley: This all started because of you. Buffy: If you will just listen to me, I am trying to help you get to the truth. Riley: You want truth then tell me, what did you do to her Buffy? Riley grabs Buffy and she breaks the grip. Buffy: Stop it! I didn't do anything. Again Riley grabs Buffy and she breaks the grip. Buffy: Riley stop! This isn't about us, everything that we need to know is here, we just need to find out what was in 314. An commando's body drops from a raised platform. On the platform is Adam. Adam: Me. =3D=3D=3D=3D Adam paces on the platform. Adam: I've been thinking about the world. I wanted to see it, learn it. Adam: I saw the inside of that boy... and it was beautiful, but it didn't tell me about the world. It just made me feel. So now I want to learn about me. Why I feel? What I am? Adam simply steps off the platform and drops about 3 yards/meters. Adam: So I came home. Adam inserts a thick disk from a pouch on his right waist into his chest. The letters Ad__ were on it. Adam: I'm a kinematically redundant, biomechanical demonoid designed by Maggie Walsh. She called me Adam and I called her mother. Engleman: Adam. Maggie would want you to stand down. Adam: Yes. But I seem to have a design flaw. Engleman pales. Adam: In addition to organic material I'm equipped with GP-2, D-11 Infrared Detectors, A Harmonic Decelerator, plus D.C. Servo. Buffy: She pieced you together from parts of other demons. Adam: And man. And machine. Which tells me what I am, but not who I am. Mother wrote things down. Hard data, but also her feelings. That's how I learned that I have a job here. And that she loved me. Riley: She wasn't your mother and she didn't love you! Xander: Is that really the issue? Riley: She made you because she was a scientist! Xander: Riley! Adam pulls another disk from a pouch on his waist and inserts it in his chest. It has the letters FI__ on it. Adam: Riley Finn. Riley: Stop! Those files... Adam: Oh! Mother created you too. Riley: Maggie's not my mother! I have a mother! A real _ Adam: A birth mother. Yes. But after you met Maggie, she was the one who shaped your basic operating system. She taught you how to think, how to feel. She fed you chemicals to make you stronger - your mind and body. She said that you and I were her favorite children. Her art. That makes us brothers. Family. Riley steps forward. Riley: No! I'm not like you. Adam: That's pain isn't it? Why? Because your feeding schedule - the chemicals have been interupted? Or do you miss her? Tell me. Riley: I'll kill you! Adam: You won't. You haven't been programmed to. Riley: I cannot be programmed! I'm a man! Adam: It's here. {He holds a diskette up.} Adam: The plan she had for us. What happens. How it ends. Riley: No. Adam Do you want to hear? Riley: No! Riley pulls his pistol and Adam disarms Riley. Buffy steps in and a punch downs her. Riley punches Adam's face and Adam responds with an uppercut sending Riley flying up in the air over a table. Xander runs in to push Adam and is pushed and thrown back into a wall. Buffy throws a kick to Adam's chest. Adam punches Buffy's face. Buffy punches Adam's stomach and Adam chops at her shoulder and she falls. Engelman starts to run. Adam's skewer comes out. Engelman passes Adam. Adam: Doctor. Adam skewers Engelman in the middle of his chest and Engelman falls, dead. Riley grabs Adam around the throat from behind. Adam breaks the hold, turns and stabs Riley with his skewer on his left side, and Riley falls clutching his wound. Buffy kicks Adam in the back. Adam spins and Buffy dodges the skewer. Adam knock Buffy to the floor. Adam picks up Buffy who is holding the skewer and throws her about 3 yards or meters into a steel door. She doesn't rise. The commandos are pounding on the door. Adam looks around. Adam: Thank you. This has been... very interesting. Adam walks up some stairs towards the platform he started from. Unseen military guy: Back away from the door Adam reaches up towards a vent. Shots pierce the door. Buffy moves to Riley's side. The commandos break open the door. Buffy: Riley. Are you ok? Unseen military guy: Secure the {room.} Xander: {We} got a demon in here. It escaped through that vent. Buffy: It's not the Polgara - it looks sort of half man. Forrest: Right and you just happened to be in the neighborhood. Riley: She's telling the truth. I saw it. It killed Engelman. Go.. now. Buffy: He needs to go to a hospital. Forrest: We'll take it from here. Buffy: I'm going with him. Forrest: It's a military hospital. Buffy: No. Forrest {growls}: Back off. Forrest: We take care of our own around here, understand! Two commandos lower rifle weapons and aim them at Buffy. Two more are beside them. Xander: Buffy. They stop aiming their weapons. Forest and Graham each take one of Riley's arms and help him up. Forrest: "Escort them out." Riley turns his head slightly to look back. Riley (weakly): Buffy. Cut to alley. Smacking sounds. Spike rolls and falls on his back, his face is bloody, but not from feeding. A demon walks and looks down at a prone Spike. Demon: What did you expect spike - a welcome party? Two other demons look on from the door. Demon: Word's out - you've been making war on the demon world. Spike: War? Demon: With the slayer. You kill other demons and the rest of us don't hold with that. The two demons in a doorway who were watching turn around to go back inside. Demon: Still, if I see you around again, I'll be inclined break that code. Do you understand? The demon leaves. Spike has still not moved since falling. Cut to Campus, daylight. Buffy and Willow are walking. Willow: No word from Riley? Buffy: Nothing. The Initiative probably has him locked in some medical ward. {There's} no way I can get near him until I come up with a better plan than just storming in and getting us all shot. Willow: Yeah, you might want to work the kinks out of that one. Buffy: What am I going to do? He needs me and I can't get near him. Willow: You'll find a way. Buffy: It's not like I can spend all of my energy going after the Initiative. Not while Adam's out there. Willow: He's really that big of a threat? They sit on a bench. Buffy: I could barely fight him. It's like Maggie designed him to be the ultimate warrior. He's smart and fast. He gave the commando guys the slip with no problem. Willow: There's gotta be a flaw. Buffy: I think the part where he's pure evil and kills randomly was an oversight Buffy: I never should have let them take Riley. I need to be with him. Willow: I'm sure he's ok. Buffy: There's no way he can be. Everything's he's ever believed in has been taken away. He's alone. He has nothing to hold on to. Cut to Initiative hallway with three scientist and military types. Cut to Room and a bed with Riley on it. He has bandages wrapped around his midsection. Riley raises his hand, which was in shadow and looks at Buffy's bandanna which he has wrapped around it and is clasping. [SCENE_BREAK] BTVS for whatever reason, to enjoy, as well as those who think transcripts are just cool, and as reference material for fanfic writers. Buffy and all copyrighted characters are the product of Joss Whedon and I have nothing but respect for him and those whose hard work is put into bringing us a great show. I did this of my own free time and will never make a dime from it. Now let me add. If you are looking at this transcript, save it, copy it, send it to your friends. Unlike other transcribers, who I have nothing but respect for, if you see any mistakes that might be in this transcript, feel free to correct them, or if you just want to personalize it to suit yourself, by all means. Hell I do it. ~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~~ Fade-in. Giles' apartment. Just the way we left things from "The `I' in Team." Buffy is pacing, Giles is standing close by, Willow is sitting at his desk, Spike is sitting on the bottom steps of the stairs, and Anya and Xander are sitting on Giles' weapons trunk against the wall. Buffy is in the middle of telling them what just happened. Buffy: So Maggie sends me down into the sewers with one of those Blasto-guns. And the next thing I know, it's raining monsters. Xander: (without humor) Hallelujah. Buffy: And then this gate slams down behind me and I try to use the gun but it goes "phitt!" Giles: You're saying that Maggie Walsh set you up? Buffy: That's exactly what I'm saying. She sent me on a way-one recon. Spike: Gotta hand it to you, Goldilocks. You do have bleeding, tragic taste in men. I got a cousin married to a regurgitating Frovalox demon that's got better instincts than you. Buffy: (glaring at him) What does my taste in men have to do with this? Spike: Do you think Riley was out knitting booties for your future off-spring while Maggie was stringing you up? Buffy looks at everyone else's expressions. They don't say anything, but she can see from their faces . . . Buffy: You guys think Riley had something to do with this? Giles: Probably not. But, uh . . . we'd be remiss if we didn't think of all the possibilities. Buffy: (softly) Right. "Remiss." She's turning away, then suddenly faces him again. Buffy: No. No. Maggie made sure he was no where around when she sent me on this very special "make Buffy dead" assignment. Willow: And plus, Riley? He seems like he wouldn't tell a little white lie, let alone a whole bunch of big, dirty ones. Xander: That's why they call it the "secret forces," Will. 'Cause they kinda keep the whole lying thing to themselves. Buffy: All I know is that Maggie has it in for me. Which means the Initiative has it in for me. Xander: I'm guessing the mad scientist isn't too keen on the fact that the entire Scooby Gang knows that the Initiative is up to no good. Buffy: Which brings us back to the "not safe for any of us" concept. Giles: What could have happened to make Professor Walsh want to kill you? Buffy: (at a loss) I don't know. Uh . . . She wasn't keen on the fact that I was asking a lot of questions, that's for sure. Anya: So you were getting too close to something? Giles: Clearly. Although, one can only imagine what she'd be so desperate to hide. Cut to deep in the woods. All is quiet with the peaceful sounds of birds and other forest noises. Pan to a concrete access tunnel just visible from the side of the hill. It doesn't look as if it's been used for sometime as the metal doors screech as they are opened from the inside. Close up on a pair of army boots walking down the steps from the entrance. As the shot pans up we see legs clad in camouflage commando pants and the left leg is in a metal brace (jointed at the knee) from ankle to mid-thigh. He's not wearing a shirt, and his flesh is a jigsaw of different skin types and there is an electronic metal plate over the left side of his chest. His face is mostly green except for the patch of pale human flesh around his right blue eye and ear. His left eye is a demonic red color. His short hair is a normal brown, but there is a metal plating that frames the left green side of his face and wraps around to the back of his head. Outside for the first time, Adam looks at his surroundings. Wolf's wolf. Buffy theme and credits roll. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part One ~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in to Giles' apartment. Buffy has Giles' trunk opened and is taking out weapons. Buffy: Okay, everybody grab a weapon. We gotta move. She hands Xander a battle ax and gives Anya a bat with a fisherman's hook attached to the head. Xander: And storm the Initiative? (bravado) Yeah, let's take on those suckers! Buffy: I was thinking more that we'd hide. Xander: (relieved) Oh, thank God. Giles: Buffy, I think perhaps we should talk about this. Buffy: We need to relocate some place where we're less likely to be found. We need to come up with a plan. Willow: We could go to my place. (she is holding a wicked looking flail = think spiked mace on a chain) Buffy: The Initiative guys know how close we are. They'll automatically check the places you hang out. Xander, what about your basement. The guys haven't seen us together that much and there's enough room. Willow: (smiles) Oh, plus: mirror ball. Xander: Cool! Come on down and boogie at Xander's hideaway. Anya: (not happy) Yes. Come boogie. Giles: Absolutely not. I will not squat in that dank whole. Spike: What? It was good enough for me but you're above it all? Giles: Precisely. (sits down at his desk) Besides, I don't see why we can't stay right where we are. (chuckles) Because it's very unlikely those Initiative boys are gonna come around here looking for-- The front door opens and Riley steps inside. Riley: Buffy! Everybody looks at him in surprise. Riley closes the door and rushes over to Buffy. Riley: God, Buffy. Are you okay? What happened? Buffy: (a beat) You know? Riley: I know something went down. (pause) Tell me. Buffy: Maggie tried to kill me. No one says anything for a moment. Anya: (helpfully) It didn't work, but they're all upset anyway. Riley: Okay, listen. I need you to go over everything. Step by step. There has-- has to be some kind of mistake. Xander: There was no mistake! And how do you know something happened? Riley: I was on a mission. But I came back and . . . I'm not sure. Look, let's just keep our heads and not jump to any-- He looks over his shoulder and sees Spike sitting on the stairs. Spike looks away. Riley takes a step back in surprise as he faces the vampire. Buffy: What? Riley: That's Hostile 17. Spike: Uh, no! I'm (bad American accent) just a friend of Xanderrr's-- (sighs) Bugger it. I'm your guy. Buffy: This is Spike. He's, uh . . . It's a really long story. But he's not bad anymore. Spike: Hey! (stands) What I am, a bleeding broken record? I'm bad! It's just . . . I can't bite anymore. Thanks to you w*nk*rs. Riley: (exasperated) We've been looking all over the place for him but you've known where he's been all along? Buffy: It's not like that. Riley: Then what is it like? What's he doing here? Spike: Leaving you swabs to your dramatics. Thanks. He walks over to the door and grabs his leather duster. Spike: (putting it on) I've got my stories on the telly for that. By the by, if you're trying to kill her . . . Spike gives Riley two very enthusiastic thumbs up. Buffy rolls her eyes. He turns and pulls his coat over his head. He opens the door and runs outside. Riley: Buffy . . . what is this? You're hiding an HST? Xander: Why don't you just back off and let her ask the questions, Jack? Your boss just tried to make monster food out of her. Riley sees everyone looking at him and calms down. Riley: I-I didn't see much. I wasn't there. I . . . All I know is Professor Walsh told me you were dead. But then I saw you on the monitors . . . Look this isn't Professor Walsh-- There must be something making her act this way. Something I-- I don't know. Controlling her. Giles: We think Buffy may have been becoming too in inquisitive. That she was getting close to something that Professor Walsh was trying to hide. Any idea what that might be? Buffy: What about 314? Maybe that's it? Riley: Maybe she was trying to test you. What if it was only a drill? Buffy: Then why did she tell you I was dead? Riley, it wasn't a test. Giles: See, I've heard rumors that the Initiative wasn't all that we've been told. That, uh, secretly they're working towards some darker purpose. Something that might harm us all-- Riley: No! That's . . . that's not what happens there. Buffy: Riley. Riley: I would know! Buffy: Look, no one is sure of anything. Okay? We're just trying to sort it out. Riley: I can't be here. I'll sort it out on my own. (heads for the door) Buffy: (going after him) Riley. Riley: No! Just-- I'm sorry. He opens the door and is gone. Cut to the woods again. Close up of a small boy sitting next to his bike. He is playing with a cyborg, soldier action figure. On the rise behind him, the back of a house can be seen not far away but it appears as if he's the only one outside right now. Until Adam sees the him. Despite his size, the boy doesn't notice Adam until he is standing just a few feet away. The boy looks up and smiles with a "cool!" expression on his face. ADAM: What am I? Boy: (standing) You're a monster. ADAM: (nodding) I thought so. What are you? Boy: Me? I'm a boy. ADAM: (curious) A boy. How do you work? Boy: I don't know, I just do. The boy sees something and points. Boy: What's that for? Adam looks down and raises his Polgara left arm where just the sharp tip of the bone skewer (sheathed inside the forearm) is visible under his wrist. Adam looks at the boy and a "let me show you" smile slowly spreads across his grotesque face. Cut to UC Sunnydale at night. Riley is walking across campus without a clear destination. Probably the first real brooding he's done in his entire life. On that depressing note we-- Cut to the Initiative. Lab 314. Dr. Angleman opens the door to the dark lab and flips the light switch. The lights stay off and he flips it on and off a couple times, but they remain off. Angleman: Dr. Walsh? (worried whisper) Adam? Slowly, he starts walking across the lab but his feet slip out from under him and he falls to the floor. He's pushing himself up when he notices something wet on his hands. He sees they're covered with blood, then notices the trail of blood leading to the body of Professor Walsh lying face down on the floor. Angleman freaks, scrambles to his feet, and runs out of the lab. We go to Xander's basement. It is morning. Close up of the disco mirror ball hanging from the ceiling. Cut to Giles lying on an inflated beach chair. He's waking up and squints his eyes against the dots of light the mirror ball is shining in his face. He rubs a hand on his forehead. Obviously a good night's sleep he didn't get. Sounds of the Road Runner can be heard as the camera pans the basement. There is an empty sleeping bag on the floor next to Giles. Two blankets hanging from the clothesline divides the basement in half. On the other half we see Willow, Anya, and Buffy (in that order) still under the covers in the fold-out bed watching TV, where the self-proclaimed "super genius" (AKA Wile E. Coyote) is killing himself again with another one of his shoddy Acme traps that backfires on him. Willow finds this funny. Buffy: (unmoved) That would never happen. Willow: Well, no, Buff. That's why they call them cartoons not documentaries. Giles steps through the draped blankets and shuts off the TV. Giles: Must we have the noise? My head is splitting. He's returning to the other side of the basement. Willow: (smiling) Well, look who's cranky bear in the morning. Giles: Yes. I can't imagine why I didn't sleep well in my beach ball. Anya: Every time you moved it made squeaky noises. It was irritating. Giles: Really? I'm surprised you could hear it over your Wagnerian snoring. Buffy: Okay, you guys, could we not, please. Everything's screwed up enough without you two doing scenes from my parents' marriage. Anya: (a beat) Sorry. Giles: Sorry. Buffy: Thank you. Giles disappears through the blankets. Willow: It'll be okay, Buffy. Riley's just confused, that's all. Buffy: I don't know. It just seems like things can get heavier. His whole world's falling apart. Anya: And after everything you've been through with Angel. You know, you really should get yourself a boring boyfriend. (smiles) Like Xander. (then) You can't have Xander. Buffy: That was the idea. Riley was supposed to be Mr. Joe Guy. We were gonna do dumb things like hold hands through the daisies going "tra la la." Willow: Poor Buffy. Your life resists all things average. Anya: So dump him! (sternly) But you can't have Xander. Buffy: I'll try and remember that. (pause) It's too late, anyway. I'm already at the "I hurt when he hurts. I smile when he smiles" stage. Anya: (whispers) I hate that part. Buffy: I'll just have to make it work. Xander hurries down the stairs into the basement, carrying a breakfast tray. Xander: Turn on the TV. Now! Willow gets up to switch the TV back on. The news is on. Newswoman: Sunnydale is still reeling from news of the crime. (Giles peeks out from the blankets brushing his teeth) A source in the coroner's office tells us that the boy was stabbed with what looks like some kind of large skewer. And his body was then mutilated. Police have not named a suspect and the killer is still at large. Realization fills Buffy's expression as she listens. Buffy: The Polgara demon had a skewer in its arm. That's the one Maggie insisted we bring back alive. Giles: (mouthful of toothpaste) She must have sent it after you. Buffy: And it got distracted. (looks away) God. Willow: Buffy, it's not your fault. How could you know? Giles: She's right. You mustn't blame yourself. Buffy: (a beat) I'm not going to. As she gets out of bed, cue "bad-ass" Chris Beck score. She faces them with a determined expression. Buffy: I'm going to the crime scene to see what I can find out. You guys research the Polgara demon. I want to know where it is. When I find it, I am going to make him pay for taking that kid's life. I'll make him die in ways he can't even imagine. Bad-ass score dies and everyone just looks at her, seemingly, unmoved by her passionate speech. Buffy notices their looks and glances down at the weird pattern on her pajamas. Buffy: That probably would have sounded more commanding if I wasn't wearing my yummy sushi pajamas. Cut to Lowell House. Riley has just walked in and is heading for his room. Forrest Gates spots him and catches up with him on the stairs. Forrest: Hey! Where you been all night? Riley doesn't answer. Forrest: (smiles) Well. Congratulations. I see you and Buffy have finally gotten past the shy phase. Forrest raises a fist for Riley to knuckle but Riley leaves him hanging. He's still in brooding mode. Riley: I wasn't with Buffy. I needed to be alone. Think some things through. Forrest: What things? In the hall now, Riley turns to face him. Then reconsiders and motions him to follow him into his room. Forrest: (stepping inside) This is mighty ominous. What's up, man? Riley: Professor Walsh tried to have Buffy killed. Forrest: What? Did Buffy tell you that? I mean, do you have any proof? Riley: I saw enough to know it's true. Forrest: I don't get it. Why? Riley: I don't know. (paces across the room) Buffy thinks that she's getting too close to something. That Professor Walsh has some secret. Forrest: I wouldn't put it past Buffy to get on Professor Walsh's bad side. She tends to put her nose where it doesn't belong. Riley: What? Forrest: (angry) She's a pain. Always wanting to know "why this?" and "why that?" Riley: (exasperated) And you're saying she should die because of that? Forrest: I don't know. Maybe Professor Walsh found out that Buffy was up to something bad. That ever cross your mind? Riley: Why does it bug you so much that I'm hanging with her? Is it because she's a better soldier than you? Forrest: It bugs me that she's using you to infiltrate our operations. Riley: (raising voice) So you're saying she's a spy? You're crazy! (turns away) Forrest: Riley, think about it. The professor is not stupid. If she tried to kill Buffy, maybe Buffy needed killing. Behind Forrest, the door opens and Graham Miller steps inside. Graham: Guys. Riley: Not now, Graham. Graham's usually calm, stoic face seems a bit forced. Forrest: What is it? Graham: (deep breath) Professor Walsh is dead. Forrest takes this news and looks at Riley. Off Riley's shocked expression, we fade to commercial. [SCENE_BREAK] ~~~~~~~~~~ Part Two ~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in on the Initiative. Riley rounds a corner quickly and pushes his way to the open door of lab 314. He sees Professor Walsh lying on the floor while two other scientists are looking over her body. Forrest steps up besides him and sees this and has to look away for a moment. Forrest: (steely) Look at that wound. She's been staked, wouldn't you say, brother? Riley: What? Forrest: Only one person I can think of who could do something like that. Riley: (warning tone) You better not be saying what I think you're saying. Riley steps out into the corridor. Forrest follows him and Riley faces him. Riley: We-we don't know that a person did this. The Polgara demon has a skewer that comes right out of-- Forrest: (angrily) No way! That's your girlfriend's MO! Riley: (grabs a fistful of Forrest's shirt) Hey, that's a serious accusation! You better be ready to deal with the consequences. Forrest: (shoves Riley back) Then bring `em on! That supernatural freak has blinded you and I'm sick of it! Riley: (advancing) That's enough! Angleman steps in between them. Angleman: Stand back! Show some respect! Listen, everybody's upset. But arguing isn't going to help anything. And it's certainly not what Professor Walsh would want. Riley and Forrest keep "I'm gonna kick your ass" eye contact for a few more seconds then break off. Riley: No, sir. (takes a couple of steps back) Angleman: All right. Good. Now Washington is sending in a team to do an internal investigation. I've been told we have to wait for their word. Riley: What do you mean "wait?" This has to be the work of the Polgara demon we captured last week! Angleman: Probably. Looks like, last night, the Polgara escaped through tunnel seventy-two. Riley: It's out loose somewhere?! Angleman: I'm afraid so. Riley: Then we have to go after it. Riley starts to walk off but Angleman stops him. Angleman: My orders from Washington are for a total lock-down until they arrive. I'm sorry. Now, return to your quarters. There's nothing you can do here. Riley is silent then nods. Satisfied, Angleman walks off. When he disappears around the corner Riley turns to Graham and a few other commandos standing nearby. Riley: Listen. Angleman can talk all he wants, but I'm still in charge until the brass gets here and tells me otherwise. I say we got a demon to hunt. (absently scratches the back of his right hand) Now suit up for armed patrol. And by that I mean loaded guns, man. Target practice is over. We're going for blood. They head off to follow their orders. Forrest looks at Riley but doesn't say anything as he walks past him to follow the others. Riley glances once more into the lab before following as well. Cut to cemetery. Daylight. Two humvees pull up and commandos, fully armed, start storming the mausoleums. We see Forrest and Graham head toward a mausoleum. Cut to interior of Spike's place. We don't see him inside and Forrest and Graham enter, rifles ready. Forrest: Somebody's been staying here. Graham: What do think, a homeless guy? Forrest: (moving deeper into the chamber) Could be. Or a squatter of the demon variety. Graham: But not the Polgara. Forrest: (faces him) Who cares!? I see a demon, it dies. There is a TV set up on a stone bench. Graham puts a palm on top of it. Graham: It's warm. Forrest glances at the sarcophagus and he and Graham move to either end, slinging their rifles. Together they raise the stone lid and lean it against the side. Inside they see an old decayed skeleton with its arms folded over its chest, covered in an old blanket. Unslinging there rifles they head for the door again. Forrest: Damn. Forrest is passing the TV and he shatters the screen with the stock of his rifle. Forrest: Animals. We hear them leave and we cut to a close up of inside the sarcophagus. The blanket is folded up and we see Spike's head poke out from between the skeleton's feet. He sits up, the skeleton's knees draping over his shoulders, and sighs in relief. Cut to the dry hills on the outskirts of Sunnydale. Buffy is walking down a dirt road. Behind her, up the road, a police car is parked. Below and ahead of her, she sees the crime scene. Another police car is parked and a detective is talking with a uniformed cop as two coroner's people carry a gurney with a small zipped bodybag on it under the crime scene tape. Riley: Buffy. She turns and sees Riley walking down the road towards her. He's in full commando attire. He's scratching the back of his right hand again. Riley: Hey. Buffy: Hey. Look, I'm sorry about earlier. I know everyone came on pretty strong. And the Spike thing isn't as tweaked as it looked. Okay, maybe it is. But there's an explanation that almost makes sense. (sees that he's looking off to the hills) Hello? I'm apologizing here. And I think that's pretty big of me, considering I'm the one who was almost made a demon sandwich. He doesn't say anything. Buffy: This is the part where you throw me a bone. Riley: Maggie's dead. Buffy absorbs this news. But before she can say anything-- Riley: Happy now? Buffy: (eyes narrowing) How can you ask me that? Of course I'm not happy. What happened? Riley: (coldly) That's classified. Buffy: Classifi-- (realizes) The Polgara. It got her and escaped. Didn't it? Riley just nods. Buffy: I'm gonna find it. I'm gonna find it and destroy it. (angry) And then you can stop asking me how happy all this death makes me! She steps around him and marches quickly back up the road. Riley turns as if to say something, but doesn't. Sighing, he faces the crime scene again. Cut to someone knocking on a door. Tara walks up and opens it to see Willow in the hall. Willow: (smiling) Howdy. Tara: (smiles) I just got your message a minute ago. I was in class. But I was about to call you. She steps back to let Willow inside. Willow: I had so much fun the other night. The spells. Tara: Yeah, that was nice. Willow: I hope you don't think that I just come over for the spells and everything. I mean, I really like just talking and hanging out with you and stuff. Tara: I know that. (knowingly) But you want to do a spell. Willow: Yeah. But only because it's really important. There's this-- Tara: No. You don't have to explain. I don't mind. Really. (smiles) I've been, um, thinking about that last spell we did all day. Willow: (excited) You have? Well this one should be fun, too. We conjure the goddess Thespia to help us locate demonic energy in the area. It shouldn't be too tricky. Tara: The goddess Thespia? Are you sure we're ready for that? Willow: You and me? (gamely) This is beneath us. Tara: (considers) . . . Okay. If you say so. Cut to Willy's bar. Buffy makes her entrance by pushing aside the beaded string curtains and quickly spots Willy behind the bar. Willy sees her and doesn't bother to hide a "God must hate me" sigh. He motions her to the other end of the bar. Buffy follows and leans on the bar. Willy: You're killing me here. Buffy: Oh, I missed you, too. The joint's jumping. Willy: Yeah. You know. (the vampire sitting nearby sees Buffy looking at him and takes his leave, forgetting his beer) Making some changes with my life. I'm getting away from my old image. Buffy: You mean as a double-dealing snitch? Willy: Uh-huh. I know you gonna think I'm blowing smoke, but after those apocalypse demons nearly did me in, I had an experience of the spiritual variety. Buffy: (not caring) That's swell, really. But I need to know if you've heard anything about a Polgara demon doing some killings in the last few of days. Willy: See, uh, that's the think. I don't talk behind people's backs no more. And I'm bringing some class to the joint. You know? It's "Willy's Place" now. See? (indicates neon sign on the wall) Brings in a better clientele. I got one of those deep friers. These demons just go crazy for chicken fingers. (off Buffy's expression) Look, if they see me dealing with you, then I'm just the same old Willy working both sides of the street. Buffy: I'm gonna have to punch you, aren't I? Willy: (not missing a beat) Just once and it don't have to hurt. Just make it look good. Buffy straightens and raises her fist. Willy instantly clutches his nose. Willy: Oww! Oh! Buffy: (whispering) Not yet, I haven't touched you! Willy: Oh, sorry. Right. Right. G-go ahead. Wait. (louder voice) No. I can't talk to you--oww! Buffy straight-jabs him in the nose and now he's really hurting. Willy: Ohhhh! Buffy: What have you heard about the Polgara? Willy: (still in pain) Heard there was one about a week or two back. Word was you got him. You and those army guys. Buffy: And that was the last you heard? Willy: Yeah. As far as I know, he's off the streets. Buffy: What about those army guys? What do you know? You heard anything about 314? Riley walks through the stringed curtains. Looking the place over he realizes it's filled with demons. As he approaches Buffy we notice there is a thin sheen of sweat on his face. He doesn't look happy at what he's seeing. Buffy: (faces him) What are you doing here? Following me? Riley: (a tad pissed) You told me you were tracking the Polgara demon. I thought I'd help. But now I see you're not hunting demons, you're socializing with them. *Again.* I thought you were supposed to be killing these things not buying them drinks? By this point he's become the center of attention. Buffy: (sarcastic) Oh, that's smooth, officer Riley. They teach you those undercover moves in special forces? Riley: I'm serious, Buffy. What are you doing here? Willy: Just cooling her dogs, like the rest of us. Why don't you sit down. Relax. Riley: (ignores him) I want you to tell me. Who are you? (seething) Really? Buffy glares at him, becoming a little pissed herself. Willy: No kidding. Why don't I get you some chicken fingers, on the house. Riley: (to Willy) Hey, you think you can shut up? Willy: Look, I'm just saying-- Riley: I said shut up! Or maybe you would like to go back to the lab with me. I'm sure the coats would love to classify a . . . whatever you are. Buffy: Leave him alone, Riley. He's human. Riley: So he's human. She looks at his arms. Buffy: You're shaking. Riley: (looking at Buffy) He just harbors demons. Which makes him a good guy like you? (grabs her roughly by the shoulders) The truth, Buffy. Now! Buffy: You have the truth. You are just too screwed up because of what happened to Professor Walsh to see it. (raises voice) Now let go of me! (knocks his hands off her shoulders) A middle-age looking woman gets up from the bar and walks quickly towards the door. Riley spots her over his shoulder. Riley: Hold it! You! She stops in her tracks as he draws his Barretta and aims it at her. The gun is trembling in his hand. Riley: No leaving until I say so. Got it? Willy: Hey. We got new rules here. No killing. Riley: (looking over his shoulder) Right! Except the rules don't seem to apply much these days. Do they? The woman is now facing Riley and looks terrified. Riley's breathing is becoming heavier and his shaking is getting worse. Riley: (to the woman) Like if I shot you right now, I don't know if I'd have a corpse on my hands or one pissed off vampire. Buffy: Riley-- Riley: (to Buffy) I mean, who do you believe? First it sounds like lies. Then it sounds like truth. Looks at the woman. She's starting to whimper. Buffy: Riley. . . He glances at Buffy and seems to realize what he's doing. He suddenly turns to the bar, sweeping his gun across the surface smashing several glasses. The woman flees. Buffy slowly approaches him. Concerned. He has his hands pressed to the bar as he leans against it, shaking uncontrollably. Riley: What's happening to me? ~~~~~~~~~~ Part Three ~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in. Xander's basement. It seems to be night. Riley is sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. He's no longer wearing his commando vest, gunbelt, nor his boots. Buffy brings him a blanket and drapes it around his shoulders as she sits down next to him. He looks up and pushes the blanket off. He's still sweating and shaking. Buffy rubs a soothing hand on his back. Buffy: (soft voice) Riley, why don't you lie down? You'll be more comfortable. She sees him furiously scratching the back of his right hand. He's broken the surface and there's a patch of red on his skin. She grabs his hands. Buffy: Stop it. Riley: (shaky voice) I can't. It's like . . . something's growing inside. He starts scratching and she takes his hand again. Buffy: No. You're hurting yourself. C'mere. (she reaches up and pulls off the red scarf she had wrapped around her hair) Okay, shh. (gently wraps it around his hand) Riley: I thought I knew . . . but I don't. I don't know anything. Buffy: (soothingly) Shh. You're sick. Once you get some rest-- Riley: No. Buffy. I don't know . . . anything. I don't know which team I'm on. Who the bad guys are. (looks into her eyes) Maybe I'm the bad guy. Maybe I'm the thing you should kill. Buffy: No. Don't you even think that. (puts a hand on his cheek) Okay, listen to me. You're sick. You just need to get some sleep. Please. Lie down for me. Come on. He pushes himself onto the bed and lays his head on the pillow. He curls his arms and legs in close as if cold and continues to shiver. Buffy walks around to the side and leans down to caress his cheek. Buffy: (quietly) You're gonna be okay. His eyes are closed and he seems to calm down a little. Buffy turns and steps through the draped blankets to the other side of the basement. Giles, Xander, and Anya are there researching. Giles is bringing a box of old books they haven't looked through to the others. Giles: How is he? Buffy: This isn't just grief making him act this way. Something's effecting him physically and it's getting worse. Anya: You think Professor Walsh did something to him? Buffy: I don't know, but I'm ready to find out. Xander: That's gonna be tough, what with Maggie's deadness and all. Buffy: She must have kept records somewhere. A-about Riley, about 314, about all of it. And I'm sure she wasn't the only person that knew what she was up to. Xander: So what's the plan? Buffy: Giles, Anya, keep researching. Xander, you and I are going undercover. Anya: Hey! (steps closer to Xander) Remember before? No Xander! Not in a "boyfriend" way or a "lead him to a certain death" way. Buffy: He's the only one with military experience. Anya: It's not like he was in the 'Nam. He was GI Joe for one night. Xander: It's okay, Anya. I've backed up Buffy before. Anya: (concerned) Can't you do something else to help them? Like Xerox handouts or something? Xander: I'll be careful. (puts his hands on her shoulders) Promise. She concedes but is not happy about it and Xander goes to get ready. Giles stands up from the box of books he was going through and faces Buffy. Giles: It's a minor point but how do you plan to get in to the Initiative? I'm sure their security system's almost impenetrable. Buffy: I have my clearance. I'm hoping she didn't have time to revoke it. Giles: Okay. Well as for the whereabouts of this Polgara demon, I'm afraid we've . . we've not turned up much. There've been no reports since its original capture. Buffy: Then we'll just have to keep looking. Cut to Tara's room. There is a bundle of string shaped into a square on the floor with four different color crystals weighing down each corner. Willow and Tara are sitting on either side of the square. Willow is grounding something in a small bowl. Tara: So . . the square is Sunnydale? Willow: Right. It's like a map. We both take different parts of the potion and when we do the incantation we both blow it onto the square at the exact same time. Tara: But how does it work? Willow: Well that's the cool part. When the potion mixes and Thespia's called it creates this mist over the parts where the demons are. I-It even makes different colors for different breeds. Tara: Wow. Willow: You ready? Tara nods. Willow pours some of the powdered contents of the bowl into Tara's palm, then pours some into her own hand from a second bowl. Willow: Let's do it. She closes her eyes and Tara does the same. Tara: Thespia, we walk in shadow. Walk in blindness. You are the protector of the night. Willow: Thespia, goddess, ruler of all darkness, we implore you . . . open a window to the world of the underbeing. Willow blows the powder out of her hand over the square. Tara blows over her hand, not disturbing her powder, and leans toward her bed to dump the potion underneath it. Willow still has her eyes closed and did not see this. Willow: With your knowledge may we go in safety. With your grace may we speak of your benevolence. Willow opens her eyes and looks down at the square, where nothing is happening. She frowns. Willow: Or not. She looks at Tara. Tara gives her a disappointed look. Cut to Lowell House. Buffy and Xander are quietly walking through the deserted lobby. Xander is wearing military garb similar to that of the Initiative commandos. He even has a gun belt with a sidearm in the holster (don't know if it's a real gun). Buffy is wearing a turtle-neck sweater, wire-rimmed glasses (got them from Giles?), and has her hair pulled back in a small bun. She is carrying a white lab coat wrapped around a clipboard. Xander: Seems pretty quite. Buffy: It usually is this time of-- A young man suddenly brushes past her but doesn't even act as if he notices them and continues on. Buffy and Xander continue into the central hallway of the building and Buffy pushes the hidden switch in the wall next to the floor to ceiling mirror and stands in front of it. Xander: (stepping up next to her) Buff, maybe you should check the look later. Buffy: Shh! (she shoves him away none too gently) Xander: Oww! (surprised and a little hurt) What'd you do that for? Buffy: Sorry. I'm the only one that can pass the retinal scan. Xander: The re-- eww! I don't wanna see that. Buffy: (glares) *Retinal* scan, Xander. (looks into the mirror again) Well, we'll know in a few seconds if my clearance is still good. A horizontal green light emits from the mirror and slides down over her body. Xander: Or if we're about to die at the hands of fifty grief-filled military goons. Female computer voice: Retinal scan recorded. Summers. Buffy. The mirror slides to the side and Buffy steps into the very white elevator. Xander follows her. Xander: Why am I not entirely comforted by the arrival of the man-sized microwave? Cut to Initiative. The elevator door slides open and Buffy is now wearing the lab coat and she and Xander step out onto the catwalk overlooking the huge hangar of the Initiative complex. His eyes widen as he gapes. Xander: (awed) Holy moly! Buffy: I know. Xander: I totally get it now. Can I have s*x with Riley, too? Buffy glares at him but he's still staring and doesn't see it. She takes his arm and leads him towards the stairs. When they descend to the first landing they see a couple of commandos climbing the stairs towards them. Xander turns to Buffy and pulls her close to him. Xander: (whispers) Quick pretend to make out with me! Buffy: (whispers) What!? What are you talking about? (pushes away) Xander: (whispers) Well, I, uh, you know, in the movies, the guy and the girl have to hide. They pretend to be looking at her clipboard as the commandos pass them and continue up the stairs. Buffy: (whispers) Please! Could you possibly draw more attention to us? When the commandos are gone, they continue down to stairs. Buffy: (whispers) This is the Initiative, Xander. Military guys and scientists do not make out with each other. Xander: (whispers) Well maybe that's what's wrong with the world. Ever think about that? Back at Xander's basement. Riley is still in bed and is sleeping. Cut to the other side of the basement. Willow is pacing. Anya is sitting in a large beanbag, looking through a book, and Giles is fixing tea on the washing machine. Willow: It totally failed. It wasn't even like the spell went wrong. It just . . . wouldn't. Giles: If it's any consolation, we haven't fared much better here. Willow: Really. Is Riley okay? Giles: Well, h-he's asleep. Finally. But he doesn't look good. (hands Anya a cup) And the, uh, research is troubling as well. I mean, this-this demon we're after seems highly atypical for a Polgara. This child that it killed . . was mutilated. There's no recorded cases of a Polgara ever having done such a thing. Anya: (fidgeting with the string of her tea bag) Also the Polgara have to eat every two hours. Factor in the low IQ and you have a demon who's not exactly low profile. Willow: So how has he been hiding out in Sunnydale for the last two days without anyone seeing him? Giles: Exactly. Willow pushes aside the blanket to check on Riley. She finds him standing just a foot in front of her. His eyes look a little sunken. Willow: (surprised) Riley. Riley: (agitated) Where's Buffy? Willow: She went out. Can-can I get you something? He sits on the bed to pull on his boots. Riley: Just tell me where she is. Giles: You're not well, Riley. Y-you need to rest. Riley: Did she find the Polgara? (stands, rubbing his arm as if cold) Huh? Is that it? Giles: Well, no, we're still looking. But-- Riley: But what? Willow: She went to find out what's making you sick. Riley: (sharply) I'm not sick! (more agitated) You're telling me she went to the Initiative?! Willow: Riley, she's just trying to help you. Riley: (crosses the basement to grab his gear) She doesn't belong there. Willow hurries to stand in front of the stairs to block his way. Willow: Riley, listen-- Riley: Stand away from the stairs. Willow: No! You're gonna get Buffy killed-- He shoves her hard to the ground. Giles: Hey! He and Anya rush to Willow as Riley dashes up the stairs. Giles: You all right? Willow is shakened but doesn't seemed to be hurt. As they help her we-- Cut to Initiative. Buffy and Xander are rounding a corner when they hear someone coming from down the corridor. Angleman: How many of the men are still out? They return to the corner and try to look inconspicuous as Dr. Angleman enters the corridor with another scientist. They eavesdrop. Angleman: The longer they go without their meds . . . Scientist #1: Everyone's off their schedules because of the professor's death. Angleman: It's dangerous. I don't want to think about the damage our guys could do under the stress of withdrawal. Especially since they won't understand what's happening to them. These guys don't know they've been getting meds in their food, so we better get them in here STAT. Scientist #1: We've located all but a few. The last ones were in pretty bad shape but we stabilized them. Angleman: But Finn wasn't one of them, right? Scientist #1: No. Angleman: Find him. He's the one I care about. He's too important to the work to lose now. Scientist #1: Indeed. Cut to Willy's Place. Spike walks in through the beaded curtains and heads to the bar. Spike: Double-shot of O-neg, 'keep. And make it the good stuff. I don't want no freaking orangutan. (puts a few dollars on the bar) Willy: Got ya. Willy grabs a shot glass and a bottle of thick, red liquid. Spike: (as drink is being poured) Been a pisser of a day, isn't it? Those army blokes are on a tear. They ran me outta my place. And all over town. Willy moves on and before Spike can take a drink, a large demon hand falls on his shoulder. Spike: Yeah, what's that? Spike turns his head to look at the demon. Spike's POV: the demon raises his other clawed hand in a closed fist and punches the camera out. (fade out) Back to the Initiative. Buffy and Xander are still eavesdropping on Angleman. Angleman: Keep me posted. I'll be in records He walks away and the other scientist heads in the other direction. Buffy keeps her back turned as Angleman passes behind her to a door at the end of the hall. He slips a keycard through an electronic lock and steps through the door. It's swinging close behind him but Buffy shoves the clipboard inside before it can and walks in. She hands the clipboard to Xander and marches up behind Angleman who is unaware until she spins him around to face her and shoves him against a counter, getting a fistful of his shirt. Buffy: (pissed) Now I don't generally like to kill humans, but I've learned that it pays to be flexible in life. Angleman: I was wondering when you'd turn up. Buffy: (mock disappointment) Oh darn! (takes off her glasses) So this isn't a surprise? Now you can tell me what you did to Riley and after that we can take a tour of room 314. Angleman: Somebody's coming, you know? I'm sure they've already seen you on the security monitors. Riley: (stepping from around a the corner) Monitors are non-functional at this time, sir. Went down about ten minutes ago. Buffy: (looks to Xander) What? I didn't do that. Xander: Thank god for small favors and we'll worry about details later, huh, Buff? Angleman: Finn take this girl to the stockade immediately. Buffy: Riley, he can tell us what we need to know. (to Angleman) Maggie wanted me dead, didn't she? Angleman: (a beat) She did. (to Riley) But understand the Initiative has no interest in eliminating the Slayer. It was her own vendetta. Buffy: Why? Spell it out for me. I feel an attack of "dumb blonde" coming on. Angleman: I don't know. Buffy: (jerks him closer) Well. Think. Harder. Angleman: It was . . . the project. Buffy: Project? 314. Angleman: It . . . Glances at Riley who is paying close attention. Angleman: (to Buffy) It escaped. Riley: (stepping closer) That's enough! You're making her sound like some psychopath. She wasn't like that! She was a brilliant woman! Angleman: She was. I--it's not-- Riley: (angry) All she was doing was trying to help people . . . and this is the way you want them to remember her?! Buffy: (to Riley) Angleman said Walsh was feeding you drugs. Riley: You're doing this to me, aren't you? He advances on her and Buffy lets go of Angleman to face him. Angleman starts slinking away towards a nearby door. Riley: (glaring) This all started because of you! Buffy: Look, if you will just listen to me, okay? I am trying to help you get to the truth. Riley: You want truth? Then tell me . . . (grabs her arm) what did you do to her, Buffy? Buffy: (breaks the hold) Stop it! I didn't do anything! Riley tries to grab her again and she has to push him back. Buffy: Riley, stop! This isn't about us! Everything that we need to know is here. We just need to find out what was in 314. A commando's body suddenly drops to the floor behind them. They all turn and look up. On a catwalk Adam is looking down at them. ADAM: Me. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part Four ~~~~~~~~~~~ Fade in. Exactly how we left everything. Adam starts to pace across the catwalk. ADAM: I've been thinking about the world. I wanted to see it. Learn it. I saw the inside of that boy and it was beautiful. But it didn't tell me about the world. It just made me feel. So now . . . I want to learn about me. Why I feel? What I am? He stops pacing and turns to face them. He takes a step forward and drops to the floor, landing on his feet. He's looking at Riley. ADAM: So I came home. He pulls out a computer disk from the cargo pocket of his camouflage pants. Its labeled "ADAM" and he slides it into the drive slot of the metal plate on his chest. The disk loads itself with a soft whirring. ADAM: (pacing again) I'm a kinematically redundant, biomechanical demonoid. Designed by Maggie Walsh. She called me Adam and I called her mother. Angleman: Adam. Maggie would want you to stand down. ADAM: (looks at him) Yes. But I seem to have a design flaw. Angleman looks as if he's ready to bolt. Buffy has a "Oh, sh1t" look on her face. ADAM: (pacing) In addition to organic material, I'm equipped with GP-2/D-11 Infrared Detectors. A Harmonic Decelerator, plus DC Servo. Buffy: She pieced you together from parts of other demons. Adam looks down at his green Polgara arm, and his dark tan demon right arm, which is plated with metal on the forearm and shoulder. ADAM: And man. And machine. Which tells me what I am . . but not who I am. Mother wrote things down. Hard data, but also her feelings. That's how I learned that I have a job here. And that she loved me. Riley: She wasn't your mother! And she didn't love you! Xander: (not taking eyes off Adam) Is that really the issue? Riley: She made you because she was a scientist! Xander: (warningly) Rileeey. ADAM: Riley Finn. He pulls out another disk, this one labeled "FINN," and loads it into his chest. Riley: Stop! Those files-- ADAM: Oh! Mother created you, too. Riley: Maggie is not my mother! (to Buffy) I have a mother! A real-- ADAM: A birth mother. Yes. But after you met Maggie, she was the one who shaped your basic operating system. She taught you how to think. How to feel. She fed you chemicals to make you stronger. Your mind and body. She said that you and I were her favorite children. Her art. That makes us brothers. Family. Riley: No! (taking a step forward) I'm not like you! ADAM: That's pain, isn't it? Why? Because your feeding schedule --the chemicals-- have been interrupted? Or do you miss her? Tell me. Riley: I'll kill you! ADAM: (calmly) You won't. You haven't been programmed to. Riley: I cannot be programmed! I'm a man! ADAM: It's here. He's pulled out another disk and his holding it up for Riley to see. ADAM: The plan she had for us. What happens. How it ends. Riley: (quietly) No. ADAM: Do you want to hear? Riley: No! Riley draws his Barretta and aims it at Adam. Before he can pull the trigger, Adam grabs his arm and forces him to drop it. Buffy rushes forward and Adam backhands her in the face, sending her to the floor. Riley frees himself and punches Adam across the metal side of his face. Adam, unfazed, hits him with an uppercut that sends him flying high across the room over a middle work table. He hits the floor in a tumble, stunned. Xander rushes forward but Adam just shoves him back against the wall and he goes down. Buffy is on her feet and sends a powerful roundkick to Adam's chest. Adam just looks at her and smashes a fist across her face. She retaliates with a punch to his midsection. Adam responds by slamming the same fist down on her shoulder this time driving her to the floor. Angleman decides it's time to get the hell out of there and runs past Adam, heading for the door. Adam sees him and his Polgara skewer juts out of his arm. ADAM: Doctor. Adam steps forward and plunges the skewer into Angleman's back. He gasps and shudders in pain for a few seconds then falls to the floor, sliding off the spear. Riley runs up behind Adam and jumps on his back, wrapping an arm around his neck. Adam just turns on him and stabs him in the left side of his abdomen. Riley falls back, hitting the metal railing of the stairs, and drops to the floor clutching his side. Buffy gets to her feet and slams a side kick into Adam's back, this time making him stumble. He quickly turns and she ducks a slash aimed at her head. He grabs her around the neck with his other hand and shoves her to the floor. Cut to the door. Graham and Forrest can be seen through the small wired-glass window. They are pounding on the door, trying to get in. Adam grabs Buffy again, lifting her off the floor, and throws her against the wall. She hits hard and falls, unmoving. Adam just stands and looks down at his fallen opponents. There are now more commandos outside the door, trying to break through. ADAM: Thank you. This has been . . . very interesting. He walks to the stairs and heads back up to the catwalk. Riley is lying against the wall, in pain and Buffy, nearby, is starting to move again. Commando: (OS) Back away from the door! Finally, one of the commandos figured out that one of the very big guns their holding would be very helpful right now, and sends a circle of shots through the metal door around the handle. Adam walks under an airvent and reaches for the grated cover. Buffy moves to Riley's side. Buffy: Riley. Are you okay? The door gives way and two commandos rush in, guns ready. Forrest and Graham are right behind them and another half dozen commandos follow. They see Angleman's body as they walk inside. Commando: (OS) Secure the room! Go! Go! Xander: (still on the floor) We got a demon in here. It escaped through that vent. Buffy: It's not the Polgara. It looks sort of half man. Forrest: Right! And you just happened to be in the neighborhood. Riley: (painfilled) She's telling the truth. I saw it. It killed Angleman. Go. Now! Commando: Yes, sir. Several commandos rush up the stairs to the vent. Forrest steps closer to Riley. Buffy: He needs to go to a hospital. Forrest: We'll take it from here. Buffy: I'm going with him. Forrest: It's a military hospital. Buffy: No. Forrest kneels beside Riley. Forrest: Back off! We take care of our own around here, understand? Two of the commandos standing next to Graham aim their rifles at Buffy. Xander, not liking where this is going, moves closer to her and reaches a hand down to her. Xander: (concerned) Buffy. Forrest motions Graham forward and Buffy has to move as he and Forrest lift Riley to his feet. Forrest: (to commandos) Escort them out. Riley looks back at Buffy. Riley: (weakly) Buffy Buffy can only stand and watch them take him away and tears start to fill her eyes. And we cut to-- The door of Willy's Place swings open and Spike is ejected, tumbling into the alley in a broken, bloody mess. As he lies on his back, a large bad-ass demon walks out and stands over him. Bad-ass Demon: What did you expect, Spike? A welcome party? Quick shot of two more mean looking demons standing in the doorway. Bad-ass Demon: Word's out: you've been making war on the demon world. Spike: (dazed) War? Bad-ass Demon: With the Slayer! You kill other demons and the rest of us don't hold with that. The other two demons, growling, duck back inside where the jukebox can be heard playing loudly. Bad-ass Demon: Still . . . if I see you around here again, *I'll* be inclined to break that code. Do you understand? Spike doesn't, or can't, say anything and the demon turns and walks back inside. Leaving Spike alone. Cut to UC Sunnydale. Next day. Willow and Buffy are outside, walking across campus. Willow: No word from Riley? Buffy: Nothing. The Initiative probably has him locked in some medical ward. There's no way I can get near him until I come up with a better plan than just storming in and getting us all shot. Willow: Yeah, you might want to work the kinks out of that one. Buffy: What am I going to do? He needs me and I can't get near him. Willow: You'll find a way. Buffy: It's not like I can spend all of my energy going after the Initiative. Not while Adam's out there. Willow: He's really that big of a threat? They move to the side of the walkway and sit down on a wooden bench. Buffy: (sighs) I could barely fight him. I-it was like Maggie designed him to be the ultimate warrior. He's smart and fast. He gave the commando guys the slip with no problem. Willow: There's gotta be a flaw. Buffy: I think the part where he's pure evil and kills randomly was an oversight. She lets herself sit back as her thoughts return to Riley. Buffy: I never should have let them take Riley. I need to be with him. Willow: I'm sure he's okay. Buffy: There's no way he can be. Everything he's ever believed in has been taken away or . . . He's alone. He has nothing to hold on to. Dissolve to the corridors of the Initiative. Commandos and Scientists are going about business as usual. One commando is standing guard at a closed door. Dissolve to interior and the camera pans across the medical room where we see Riley lying on a bed. his abdomen is wrapped heavily in bandages, a small red stain over his wound. He's still sweating a little but no longer seems agitated. He's staring at the wall. He lifts his right hand and looks at Buffy's scarf still wrapped around his hand.

Buffy discovers The Initiative's secret weapon; Riley becomes unstable due to the death of Professor Walsh and drug withdrawal; Adam ( George Hertzberg ) reveals some information about himself, while trying to learn about people by investigating their insides.

fd_Gilmore_Girls_04x06

fd_Gilmore_Girls_04x06_0

OPEN AT ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Lorelai, Rory, Emily, and Richard are eating dinner] EMILY: It's simply disgraceful. RICHARD: For years, we've had peace in the neighborhood. EMILY: I knew the Richmonds were going to be trouble when they missed the block party last month. LORELAI: I don't understand. They gave out full-size candy bars for Halloween. So what? EMILY: Not full-size candy bars, Lorelai - king-size candy bars. RICHARD: We've been giving out full-size candy bars for years now. EMILY: And then those people move in and throw the entire balance of the neighborhood off. They made everybody look ridiculous. RICHARD: It's very embarrassing. EMILY: I think we have to do something about this - maybe go to the homeowners association. LORELAI: Two Halloweens ago, someone painted the Duprees' Chihuahua orange and nobody went to the homeowners association then. EMILY: Well, everybody hated Taco. LORELAI: I think you're making a little too much of this. EMILY: I saw Mae Richmond at Bay Wellington's two weeks before Halloween. She had ample time to bring it up then, and nothing - not a word. I think it might be time to go after their ball machine. RORY: Their ball machine? RICHARD: They have a ball machine on their tennis court that is extraordinarily loud and unpredictable. EMILY: Flying, thumping balls all over the place. LORELAI: Flying, thumping what all over the place? EMILY: Balls. [Lorelai giggles] EMILY: You are four. LORELAI: And balls are funny. RICHARD: Don't worry, Emily. If the homeowners association doesn't do anything, we'll take this to the neighbors, get a petition going. LORELAI: Or if that doesn't work, you could throw some hoods on and burn a full-size Mars bar on their front lawn. EMILY: King-size, Lorelai - king-size. RORY: So, how's work, Grandpa? LORELAI: Look how smoothly she changes the subject. RICHARD: Work is lovely, Rory. How's school? RORY: Crazy. LORELAI: She's taking too many courses. RORY: I am not. EMILY: How many are you taking? LORELAI: Five. EMILY: Is five a lot? RORY: It's not a lot LORELAI: It is a lot. RICHARD: I took five courses when I was a freshman. Rory takes after me. RORY: I like to be busy. RICHARD: Idle hands are the devil's playthings. LORELAI: That's actually the title of one of her classes. RORY: Please don't worry about me. LORELAI: She says to the mother and the grandmother. EMILY: Are you done? RORY: Oh, yes, thank you. EMILY: Good, because we have mini lemon bundt cakes for dessert. LORELAI: Oh. EMILY: What? LORELAI: Well, they're serving full-size bundt cakes over at the Richmonds' house. EMILY: She's done. LORELAI: Oh, no, I have a carrot. EMILY: She's done. LORELAI: Bet the Richmonds would have let me eat my carrot. [opening credits] CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Emily walks into Richard's study, where a photographer is setting up to take a picture of Richard and Jason] EMILY: All right, this should do it. RICHARD: May we please get this over with? EMILY: Patience is a virtue, Richard. RICHARD: And time is fleeting, Emily. EMILY: You're starting a new partnership. You need new photographs, especially with that new look. JASON: I thought I'd give a beard a try. EMILY: Well, I like it. All right, Helmut, we're all set here. HELMUT: Okay. Important men doing important things. [takes a picture] Good. Oh, one more time. We're going to sign, and. . .[takes another picture] We're done. EMILY: Thank you, Helmut. That was wonderful. RICHARD: And now we sign the real papers. JASON: I'm feeling historic. You? RICHARD: Oh, yes. It's Gettysburg all over again. Thank you. JASON: Important men doing important things. RICHARD: Now that makes it official. Jason. JASON: Let's give 'em hell. RICHARD: You bet. EMILY: Oh, I should have had Helmut get the handshake. RICHARD: The signing was fine, Emily. Sorry about the photo session. JASON: Oh, no, that's okay. I think it's a cute idea. EMILY: Yes, and when the financial papers call for an official photo, it'll be downright darling. RICHARD: I learned long ago, Jason, when it comes to things like this, Emily is always right. JASON: I am sure she is. EMILY: Thank you both. Jason, how's your time? Would you like to join us for dinner? JASON: Oh, I'd love to, Emily, but I should get these papers up to my lawyer's office. Next week? EMILY: Consider it an open invitation. JASON: Thank you. Richard, I'll see you tomorrow morning. RICHARD: Yes, you will. [Jason leaves] EMILY: "I think it's cute." RICHARD: He's young, Emily. EMILY: Yes, well, a good smack on that scruffy face of his would age him up a bit. All right, let's discuss the launch party. Do you have any sort of particular feel in mind? RICHARD: Well, I'll leave that to your discretion. Just make sure it's dignified. EMILY: We probably shouldn't go too fancy. Maybe we'll do one of those vodka bars - caviar, a Russian theme. I love that it's okay to be Russian again. RICHARD: It sounds lovely. EMILY: How's the 23rd? RICHARD: Perfect. EMILY: And I want you to get a new suit. RICHARD: I don't need a new suit. EMILY: And find out what Jason's going to wear. I don't want the two of you showing up looking like the Bobbsey twins. RICHARD: Oh, yes, that would be embarrassing. EMILY: I'll need a guest list. RICHARD: Uh huh. EMILY: A Russian theme. I like that. CUT TO YALE CLASSROOM [Rory is in one of her classes] PROFESSOR: The conquering peoples impose their own values on the subjugated peoples through education, and quite often through the appointment of a priesthood from among their own ranks. This means we should not assume that the system of values has in some way evolved in a region. It is almost always imposed with the explicit purpose of keeping power in the hands of the powerful. Something to think about until next week, when we will burst more of your illusions. . .which brings me to a bit of bad news. There was an error in the syllabus you received. The dates were wrong, which means that all of your reading has been pushed up one week. I apologize for this cruel little life experience, but what can I do? I just found out my in-laws are moving back to town. None of us are immune. I'll see you all Tuesday. CUT TO THE DRAGONFLY INN [The construction crew is working on the inn. Lorelai and Tom walk over to the barn.] LORELAI: So, we were thinking maybe two horses to start with. See, it's so charming with the overhang here. TOM: You want me to turn this into stables? LORELAI: Yes. TOM: Without a magic wand or some sort of fairy dust? LORELAI: Preferably, yes. TOM: Let me take a look inside. LORELAI: We'd like to keep the existing structure, please. KIRK: Lorelai, I'm all set up as soon as you're ready. LORELAI: Be right there, Kirk. KIRK: Okie dokie. TOM: How attached are you gonna get to these horses? LORELAI: What? TOM: You gonna name 'em, feed 'em apples, braid their tails? LORELAI: Why, Tom? TOM: Well, the roof's about to cave in so I can stay within our budget, but then I'd just call 'em all Trigger. LORELAI: Just tell me how much more it's gonna cost. TOM: Okay. [Sookie arrives] SOOKIE: Hey, you're here. LORELAI: I'm always here. SOOKIE: Listen, I want to talk to you about something very exciting. LORELAI: Ooh, very exciting. I love very exciting. SOOKIE: This morning I got a call from your mother. LORELAI: This is the very exciting? SOOKIE: Yes! She's doing a launch party for your father's new business and she wants us to do the catering. LORELAI: Us? SOOKIE: Us! LORELAI: Did you say us? SOOKIE: Yes. LORELAI: To her. Did you say "us" to her? SOOKIE: Yes. LORELAI: So she knows about us? SOOKIE: Yes, she knows about us, I think. What does she know about us? LORELAI: That we have a catering business? SOOKIE: Yes. LORELAI: Oh, man! SOOKIE: What? Did I do something bad? LORELAI: No, nothing, nothing. It's my fault. I forgot to tell her. SOOKIE: How could you forget to tell her? LORELAI: Well, I've only seen her forty or fifty times since we started the business. Now what did she say exactly? SOOKIE: Well, she asked me to cater, and I said we'd love to, and then she said, "we?" so I said you and I had started a company, so it'd be the both of us together, and she said fine. LORELAI: Was there a pause before "fine" or was it just "fine"? SOOKIE: I don't remember. I just remember the "fine." LORELAI: She's mad. SOOKIE: I swear she didn't sound mad. LORELAI: Okay. SOOKIE: Good. LORELAI: Now let's talk about how much I can't do this. SOOKIE: Look, I knew it would be a thing working for your mother, but it's perfect timing. This is probably the last job we'll be able to take before I have the baby. LORELAI: Something else will come along. SOOKIE: Not that pays like your mother does. LORELAI: You know why she pays so much? So she can torture you and you won't throw knives at her. SOOKIE: Look, you already know the house. Decorating, planning - it's gonna be a snap for you. I bet you can spend ninety percent of the evening in the kitchen, then we get to take home the pretty, pretty money. LORELAI: Sookie. SOOKIE: Pretty, pretty money. Aren't you a big fat wad of pretty money? LORELAI: Fine. SOOKIE: Really? LORELAI: Shouldn't ask again. SOOKIE: Accepting and moving on. KIRK: Excuse me, Lorelai. LORELAI: Oh, my God, Kirk, I forgot you were here. KIRK: If I had a nickel for every time I heard that. LORELAI: I'm very, very sorry. You have my full attention. SOOKIE: I'm gonna go. Um, we'll talk tomorrow about the details. LORELAI: Okay. All right, Kirk, show me what you got. KIRK: If you'll just follow me, I would like to present you with my new line of one-of-a-kind mailboxes. LORELAI: Wow. They look very nice, Kirk. KIRK: And whimsical. They say to the world, "I'll take my mail with a smile." LORELAI: Yes, they do say that. KIRK: And since you are one of our preferred customers, with the purchase of one of our mailboxes, I'll throw in a carved-duck doorstop and a garlic peeler. LORELAI: Wow, that's quite an offer, Kirk, but I think it's a little early for me to pick a mailbox. We haven't even settled on a color for the inn yet. KIRK: Well, whimsy goes with everything. LORELAI: Kirk, I promise, just as soon as. . .is that Condoleezza Rice? KIRK: Yes, it is. I'm a fan, and her big mouth is perfect for shoving mail in. LORELAI: Ha. Uh, I'll have to think about it. KIRK: Fair enough. So, I hear you're running a catering business now. LORELAI: Oh, yeah, just temporarily. KIRK: You guys any good? LORELAI: Not bad. KIRK: And how much would one have to pay for your culinary services? LORELAI: It depends, the type of food, number of people, kind of venue. KIRK: Simple food, two guests, my mother's living room. LORELAI: Really? KIRK: I have a visitor coming in from out of town and I thought it would be nice to serve her a catered meal. LORELAI: Her? KIRK: Actually, she was my brother's ex-girlfriend - Lulu. LORELAI: Good name. KIRK: I had sort of a crush on her for a while, and she's coming home to visit her mother, and she called me. LORELAI: Kirk, you have a date. KIRK: No, just an appointment to take Lulu to dinner. LORELAI: That's a date. KIRK: I don't have high hopes for it, if that's what you're thinking. LORELAI: Kirk, it's very sweet, but are you sure you want to have dinner in your living room? KIRK: Well, the breakfast nook doesn't seem festive enough. LORELAI: Right, but while you're having dinner in your living room, where will your mother be? KIRK: Probably in the living room. LORELAI: Is that what you really want? To have dinner with your mother watching? KIRK: I could ask her to face the wall. LORELAI: Or you could take Lulu out to a restaurant. KIRK: Which one? LORELAI: Well, what does she like? KIRK: I don't know. Should I call my brother and find out? LORELAI: I think if he knew, she'd probably still be with him. KIRK: I just really want it to be nice. LORELAI: Just take her someplace where you're comfortable. It doesn't have to be fancy. If you like it, she'll like it. KIRK: Okay. LORELAI: Just not one attached to a bowling alley. KIRK: That narrows it down a bit. I'll figure something out. LORELAI: Good. You'll see - it'll be great. KIRK: Do you think I could stop by tomorrow with some wardrobe choices for you to pick out? LORELAI: Kirk, you can dress yourself. Just look nice. You know, not too fancy. Clean. No jeans. Oh, maybe a sport coat. Eleven sound good? KIRK: Perfect. LORELAI: Okay. CUT TO YALE DORM [Rory walks into her suite. Janet is jogging on a trampoline in the common room] RORY: A trampoline. That's new. JANET: Helps with my shin splints. RORY: Huh. Wow. Squeaky. JANET: Yup. Phone. RORY: Thanks. [Rory walks into her bedroom. The phone is ringing. Paris is ignoring it] RORY: Paris, can you get the phone? Paris? PARIS: Don't answer it. RORY: Why not? PARIS: It's Jamie and we're fighting. RORY: Well, does he know you're fighting? 'Cause he's not hanging up. PARIS: Oh, he knows. Trust me, he knows. RORY: Okay. You're seriously not gonna answer that? PARIS: Nope. RORY: Paris, come on. PARIS: Fine. [picks up the phone, then hangs it back up] There. RORY: Why are you and Jamie fighting? PARIS: Because he's wrong. RORY: Oh, okay. [the phone starts ringing again] PARIS: He won't listen to me. [picks up the phone] You won't listen to me! [hangs up] He's in love with the sound of his own voice. You'd think he was already president and I don't want to be Hillary. I don't want to wait for a hundred years while he does his thing so by the time I get my chance, I'm too old to enjoy it. RORY: Well, I don't think Hillary's too old to enjoy it. PARIS: Fine. Be on his side. RORY: I'm not on his side. I'm on her side. [the phone starts ringing again] PARIS: Don't answer it. RORY: Paris, I have to study! PARIS: Go ahead. RORY: I can't! PARIS: Why not? RORY: The phone. PARIS: Don't, Rory! I mean it! RORY: [answers the phone] Hello? Hi, Jamie. Yes, she is here. PARIS: No. RORY: Paris, you're acting stupid, okay? You love Jamie, so just get on the phone and work it out so that I can study, okay? PARIS: [takes the phone] What? No, I haven't thought about what you said. Because I'm very busy, Jamie, and contrary to your beliefs, I have better things to occupy my time with than thinking about you. Or what you said. Or what you meant or what you want or anything about you or concerning you. [Rory grabs the phone from her] Hey! RORY: Have him call you back on your cell phone. Then you can talk to him outside. It's nice outside. There are birds and trees. PARIS: My cell phone is dead. RORY: Then take mine. PARIS: What's your phone plan? RORY: Why? PARIS: 'Cause I'm not gonna borrow your phone and get slammed with a massive charge because your phone plan sucks. RORY: Paris! PARIS: [on phone] Jamie, I'm going to call you back on Rory's cell. Yes, I am. Yes, I am! RORY: Yes, she is! PARIS: Okay, bye. [hangs up] RORY: Here. PARIS: I'll be back. RORY: Take your time. [Paris leaves. Rory sits down to study, but is distracted by the sound of the TV. She walks to the common room] RORY: Tanna, I'm trying to study. TANNA: Okay. RORY: I can hear the TV through the wall. TANNA: Okay. RORY: It's distracting. TANNA: Are you telling me to turn it off? RORY: I'm not telling - TANNA: You can, you know, because your grandma paid for the TV. RORY: I'm not telling you to turn the TV off. TANNA: Because you can. RORY: The TV belongs to all of us. TANNA: If it's a matter of volume, I could press my ear to the speaker and then I could turn it really low. RORY: Never mind. TANNA: The problem there is that the speakers for the TV are mounted up in the corner of the ceiling, but perhaps if I got a ladder. RORY: Never mind, Tanna. TANNA: Are you sure you don't want me to turn it off? [Rory leaves] CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Sookie takes a pan of broccoli tarts out of the oven. She picks one up and holds it out toward Lorelai] SOOKIE: Try this one. LORELAI: Sookie, I love you, I love your cooking, but I swear if you make me eat one more bite of broccoli tart, I will beat you to death with it. SOOKIE: Your mother is the pickiest woman I have ever catered for. She has impeccable taste, the highest standards, and she can smell an inferior tart a mile away. LORELAI: Well, depending on how long it's been left out, we all can. SOOKIE: You know, she still hasn't called yet. LORELAI: She will. SOOKIE: But she was supposed to call about the details a couple of days ago. LORELAI: She will, Sookie. SOOKIE: But it's coming up and we still don't know if she wants a fish course or a cheese course. LORELAI: We'll make a fish-cheese combo course just to be sure. SOOKIE: Lorelai. LORELAI: Why do I have to call her? SOOKIE: Because technically you're doing the organizing, and I've got batter hands. Oh, ask her about the foie gras. Is it too expected? 'Cause I can make it with a, you know, cherry compote. Okay. You know. . .you know what to say. LORELAI: [on phone] Hello, Mom. EMILY: Lorelai, hello. How nice to hear from you. LORELAI: How are you doing? EMILY: Well, I'm just fine, thank you for asking. LORELAI: Good, I'm glad to hear it. EMILY: And I'm glad to report it. LORELAI: Uh, so the reason I'm calling is we haven't heard from you yet, and we really need to nail down some of the details of the party. EMILY: "We" haven't heard from you yet? LORELAI: Yes, we - me and Sookie. EMILY: Ah, yes, the Independence Catering Company. LORELAI: Uh huh. So, anyhow - EMILY: You know, a few years ago, there was a company called Independent Catering. They were all the rage until they catered the Kirov benefit for diabetes that sent 300 people to the hospital with a vicious case of food poisoning. Well, needless to say, they went out of business immediately, and I believe one of them left town without packing. LORELAI: Oh, well, that's a good story. Hans Christian Anderson? EMILY: You know, some people could mistake the Independence Catering Company with the Independent Catering Company, and that would just be a shame for you, wouldn't it? Now if I'd known what you were going to name your company, I could have warned you. LORELAI: Mom, I swear, I tried to tell you. EMILY: You did? LORELAI: Yes, I did. I sent you a flier. Didn't you get my flier? EMILY: No, I did not get your flier. LORELAI: Oh, well, I sent it, and to be, um, honest with you, I was a little hurt that you didn't call to congratulate me, but now that I know you didn't get it, I forgive you. EMILY: When did you send a flier? LORELAI: Last week. EMILY: What did it say? LORELAI: Oh, you know. . .come and get it. EMILY: You wrote "come and get it" on your business flier? LORELAI: Well, no, it was your basic "Introducing the Independence Catering Company", uh, flier. You know, it had our phone number, our address, and an amusing caricature of us. EMILY: Well, that sounds like a very nice flier. LORELAI: Oh, it was. EMILY: Do you have an extra one? You can bring it with you on Friday night. LORELAI: Uh, sure. EMILY: Because it's very unusual these days for things to get lost in the mail. You don't think you got the address wrong, do you? LORELAI: Mom, the party? EMILY: All right. I'm going to want a mixture of white, off-white, and cream-colored linen. A simple bone china with a gold or deep-blue stripe will work. LORELAI: Okay, got it. EMILY: I'm going with tapers cut in half so that people can see each other across the table. We'll need white and sterling roses, but not too high or formal. Do you have a florist? LORELAI: I have a florist. EMILY: Does he have a flier? LORELAI: Do you want clear or silver vases? EMILY: You must think I'm a complete idiot. LORELAI: No, Mom, I don't. EMILY: There is no flier. You're making it up to cover for the fact that you once again neglected to tell me about an important event in your life. LORELAI: Mom, I swear there's a flier. EMILY: Shame on you for swearing there's a flier. That's the worst possible thing you could do. LORELAI: Liv Tyler grew up her entire life thinking Todd Rundgren was her real father. You think that might knock this out of first place? EMILY: I tell you, if I saw this kind of behavior from some other company I was hiring, I would fire them on the spot. LORELAI: Then fire us, Mom. EMILY: Excuse me? LORELAI: You are not hiring your daughter and her friend, you are hiring a professional catering company. This is not a favor, it is a business transaction, and I must insist that you treat us exactly as you would any other person off the street. EMILY: As you wish. LORELAI: Thank you. Now I'm sorry, but we're very busy with preparations for your event, so I'm gonna have to hang up now. Goodbye, Mother. EMILY: Goodbye. [they hang up] LORELAI: Aah! Horrible woman! SOOKIE: You, uh, forgot to ask about the menu. [Rory walks in] RORY: My dorm room has turned into a "Three Stooges" movie. Shove Pop Tarts under the door in two hours please. LORELAI: Uh, honey. . . [They walk into Rory's bedroom, which is filled with trays of broccoli tarts] RORY: You quiched my room. SOOKIE: They're not quiche. They're broccoli tarts. RORY: Well, then you tarted up my room. LORELAI: I'm sorry, honey, I didn't know you were coming home today. Sookie's just trying some things out for Grandma's party. RORY: How am I supposed to study when it smells like broccoli? LORELAI: Well, study in the living room. RORY: This is not living room study. This is serious bedroom study. I have a ton of work to do. LORELAI: Well, hey, here's a crazy thought - isn't there someplace at Yale you can study? Don't they have like a hundred libraries? RORY: Yes, but they don't have that right vibe. They're too quiet and too big and drafty. Very, very drafty. LORELAI: At least they don't smell like quiche. SOOKIE: Enough with the quiche, okay? RORY: I can't believe I came all the way home and there's nowhere to work. LORELAI: Well, it's just temporary. RORY: 'Til the sewing machine comes. LORELAI: Oh, hey. . .you know how many kids in India would love to come home to a room full of quiche? Sorry - tarts. SOOKIE: Tarts are totally different. LORELAI: I know, honey. I know. CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Kirk walks in] LUKE: Have a seat, Kirk. I'll be right there. [walks over to Caesar] Caesar. CAESAR: Yes? LUKE: You know what the key to a truly successful tuna melt is? CAESAR: What? LUKE: Tuna. CAESAR: That's not tuna? LUKE: No, it's turkey. CAESAR: Give me the plate. I'll do it again. LUKE: Don't get exasperated with me. I'm not the one that made the wrong sandwich. [walks over to Kirk] What are you doing, Kirk? KIRK: Say I was Tom Cruise. Where would you seat me? LUKE: In an acting class. KIRK: No, I mean, which do you consider the best seat in the house? LUKE: I don't know. KIRK: How are the acoustics here? LUKE: What? KIRK: Well, the bathrooms are right over there. One good loud flush and the entire mood is spoiled. LUKE: I don't have time to kill you right now, Kirk. Come back in a couple of hours. KIRK: All right, I'll just reserve these three tables and decide later. LUKE: Reserve these three - KIRK: For Wednesday night, eight o'clock. LUKE: We don't take reservations, Kirk. KIRK: But this is a special occasion. And Lorelai told me to go somewhere I'm comfortable, and I'm comfortable here. LUKE: You are? KIRK: Well, not at this moment, but previously I have been comfortable here. Please? LUKE: What's the occasion? KIRK: I have a date with a young lady. LUKE: You really felt the need to add the "with a young lady" part? KIRK: Kinda. LUKE: Okay, you can have one table for eight o'clock. KIRK: Thank you. Here. LUKE: What's this? KIRK: It's a diagram of how I would like the table set up. See - little flowers by her plate, and the champagne bucket over here so I don't accidentally knock it off the table with my elbow. LUKE: I don't sell champagne, Kirk. KIRK: Why not? LUKE: Because this is a diner. KIRK: Good champagne goes with everything. LUKE: Get your own champagne, Kirk. KIRK: But what about the flowers? LUKE: Kirk. KIRK: Okay, fine. I'll get the champagne and the flowers. Now, let's say the date goes well. How much for the place upstairs? LUKE: You mean my apartment? KIRK: Yes. LUKE: Bye, Kirk. KIRK: Okay, see you later. [to female customer] Excuse me, is that good? CUSTOMER: Yes. KIRK: And what is that? CUSTOMER: Meat loaf. KIRK: Okay, so, this meat loaf, is it a romantic food for you? I mean, is it getting you hot? LUKE: Kirk! KIRK: Good talking to you. CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Lorelai and Sookie arrive and unload some things from the back of the Jeep] LORELAI: I can't believe we're doing this. SOOKIE: Well, you did tell her to treat us like any other catering service. LORELAI: "I'd like you to do a test meal, Lorelai. After all, you are a new company." Ugh, she must be so happy right now. She's probably been cackling into her magic mirror all morning. SOOKIE: It's going to be a breeze. You wait and see. LORELAI: Three hours of bowing and scraping. SOOKIE: We are not going to be bowing and scraping. We're going to be serving and delighting. LORELAI: Anything to humiliate me, anything at all. SOOKIE: Wow! You grew up here? LORELAI: I swear, if she makes me wear a uniform. . . SOOKIE: This is Citizen Kane's house. LORELAI: Drape one of those napkins over my arm. SOOKIE: Is there a moat? [they ring the doorbell] LORELAI: Just help me out here, okay? Run interference whenever you can. SOOKIE: I promise. [the maid answers the door] MAID: May I help you? SOOKIE: Hi. We're the caterers. We're here for - MAID: The servants' entrance is around back. [shuts the door] SOOKIE: Was that a maid? LORELAI: Come on. SOOKIE: What are all those tennis balls doing over here? CUT TO YALE DORM [Rory walks in and heads toward her suite. A student walks past her] GLENN: Irish studies suck, German studies suck, everything here sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks, sucks! RORY: That yoga's really working for you, Glenn. [Rory stops outside her suite door and listens to the noise inside - the television, the squeaking trampoline, the phone ringing.] PARIS: [from inside the suite] Don't get that, I mean it! Do not touch that phone! [Rory walks out of the dorm. She goes outside and sits down under a tree to study] CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Emily is seated at the dining room table, Lorelai is standing next to her. Emily adjusts the position of a wineglass] LORELAI: Oh, great, I'm glad you got that. It's been bugging me for the last. . . EMILY: Is this the off-white or the cream? LORELAI: Uh, the off-white. The cream is more creamy. I cut those myself so they could be adjusted either way. I mean, they could be adjusted smaller. Taller would be tougher once they're cut, but, uh, if they tell a lie, they'll shoot right back up. EMILY: I assume you'll have servers. LORELAI: Yes, we will. EMILY: I assume you'll instruct your servers to omit the Pinocchio humor. LORELAI: Yes, we will. [Sookie walks in with some dishes of food] SOOKIE: Okay, here we go. Now, we would start off with either the roasted asparagus with the Parmesan or the trio of winter soups - tomato basil, butternut squash, and Catalonian garlic. EMILY: Very ambitious. SOOKIE: And very tasty. [While Emily examines the food, Lorelai and Sookie gesture to each other, then quickly stop when Emily looks up] LORELAI: I'll tell the servers not to do that either. EMILY: Lorelai? LORELAI: Yes? EMILY: My napkin. LORELAI: Oh, oh, well, yes. Napkin, yes, your napkin. I got it. Do you want me to just tuck it in your shirt there or. . . EMILY: My lap will be fine. LORELAI: Okay. There you go. Feel free to spill anything you want down there. You are covered. [Emily tries some of the food while Lorelai and Sookie look on] EMILY: What is the next course? SOOKIE: Lobster potpie. EMILY: You may bring it out now. SOOKIE: Okay. EMILY: Sookie, how far along are you? SOOKIE: Eight months. EMILY: Lorelai, there doesn't seem to be any reason for a pregnant woman in her eighth month to be running back and forth to the kitchen, does there? LORELAI: No, there doesn't. EMILY: You should take my plate. Otherwise, you'll have no place to put the potpie. LORELAI: Oh, I can think of a place. EMILY: What was that? LORELAI: Plates going bye-bye. [Lorelai walks to the kitchen] LORELAI: [to the maid] Okay, when I give the signal, you run in and distract her and I'll take her down. Got it? [Lorelai returns to the dining room] LORELAI: Here we go - Sookie's famous lobster potpie. EMILY: Very nice crust. SOOKIE: Thank you. EMILY: Well, Sookie, I must say your food is as accomplished as I remember it. SOOKIE: Oh, thank you, Emily. EMILY: And I think after we fine-tune the presentation, we'll have ourselves a very nice dinner party. SOOKIE: So we got the job? EMILY: Yes, you got the job. SOOKIE: We got the job. Thank you. You will not be disappointed. EMILY: No, I will not. The event starts at 7:30, I would like you to be here at four o'clock. I'm going to make a Xerox copy of my notes here so the two of you can peruse it on the way home. [leaves the room] SOOKIE: We did it, we got the job! What a score! We landed a whale. LORELAI: Yeah, we always had the job, Sookie. The whale was just toying with us. She was swatting us with her tail and hosing us down with her blowhole because that is the whale's M.O. - humiliate and rip apart every other fish in the sea until there's nothing left but a bloody pile of chum. SOOKIE: Boy, you really hate whales, don't you? [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO YALE DORM [Rory is on the phone] RORY: It's amazing. Out of the blue, bam! It was right there. LORELAI: Well, things always happen when you least expect it. RORY: I have to tell you, this tree is perfect. LORELAI: All girls think their tree is perfect. RORY: It fits my back completely, and there's plenty of grass, and it's in a great area - just far enough away from anything major so there's not a lot of noise but still not in Siberia. LORELAI: Hey, can it cook? 'Cause I can get it a great gig with a crazy woman. RORY: Grandma's not crazy. She's specific. LORELAI: Well, at least one of us is happy. RORY: And thank God it's me. LORELAI: My feelings exactly. RORY: You have no idea how much studying I got done today. Seriously, ask me anything. LORELAI: Okay. Um, how'd I get shanghaied into catering a party for my mother? RORY: You keep repeating yourself. LORELAI: Well, as soon as I hear you talking about a study shrub, I'll know it's time to move on. RORY: Okay, fine, I have to go. LORELAI: Yeah? Gonna go shopping for a nice yellow ribbon? RORY: Have some chili fries for me. LORELAI: I will. CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Lorelai walks in] LORELAI: Cheeseburger, onion rings, and a list of people who killed their parents and got away with it. I'm looking for heroes. LUKE: How'd the tasting go? LORELAI: We got the job. LUKE: Would have been pathetic if you hadn't. LORELAI: I can't do this. LUKE: It's a gig. LORELAI: Yes, it is a gig. It's Prince opening for the Rolling Stones. That's the kind of gig it is. [Lorelai sees Kirk sitting at a table with a video camera set up across from him] LORELAI: Luke. . . LUKE: Yeah? LORELAI: What's Kirk doing? LUKE: Practicing. LORELAI: Hm. For what? LUKE: His date. He's doing a test run - talking, eating, making conversation. Then he's gonna go home and review the tape and adjust from there. LORELAI: Boy! You ever think about how many different ways Kirk could get kicked out of the Army? LUKE: What a poor slob. He's pathetic. LORELAI: He likes a girl. That's sweet. LUKE: All day long, I have this crazy person sitting in my diner ordering everything off the menu, by the way, to see which meal has less crumb-to-sweater ratio. LORELAI: Well, if he's bugging you that much, you can ask him to leave. LUKE: You ask him to leave. It's your fault he's here. LORELAI: How is it my fault? I'm not going out with him. LUKE: You're the one that told him to find someplace he felt comfortable. LORELAI: How did I know he felt comfortable here? LUKE: I don't know. All I know is that you talked to him, and now he's over there talking to a camera. LORELAI: Oh, come on, Luke. Give him a break. He wants the date to go well. I mean, it's all any of us wants - to find a nice person to hang out with 'til we drop dead. Not a lot to ask. LUKE: I guess. LORELAI: And look on the positive side - if Kirk's date goes well, he'll be occupied, and you'll be seeing a lot less of him at the diner. KIRK: Cut! Okay, that sucked! Let's just go again right away. Focus! Focus. LUKE: I'll have his monogrammed booth installed tomorrow. CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Emily is looking over some papers in the dining room when Richard walks in] RICHARD: All right, I think this should be everyone. EMILY: You've double-checked it? RICHARD: I have double-checked it, but I'm sure you will also double-check it. EMILY: You know I will. RICHARD: So I am entirely confident that no one will be left out. This is very nice. EMILY: Isn't it, though? It's a florist Lorelai found. We're using him for the party. RICHARD: Oh, I think that will be perfect. EMILY: It has to be perfect. These are important people we're trying to impress. [Jason walks in] JASON: Richard, Emily. RICHARD: Jason, what a pleasant surprise. EMILY: Richard, you should have told me Jason was coming over. I would have had something prepared. JASON: Oh, please, Emily, I've gained ten pounds since I came into this house. EMILY: Men always say that and it's never true. JASON: I just dropped by for the keys to the office. RICHARD: Ah, that's right. Forgot to give you the keys. Oh, my apologies, Jason. Here you go. JASON: Thank you. Sorry to interrupt your evening. I'll see you tomorrow. EMILY: Oh, Jason, I'm going to need your guest list as soon as possible. JASON: My guest list? EMILY: To the launch party. Oh, Richard, you did remember to ask Jason for his list, didn't you? RICHARD: Emily, I am a very busy man. EMILY: Oh, honestly, Richard, that's what you have a secretary for. Jason, I apologize for my husband. The official launch party for your company is next week. I've got the entire thing organized. All I need is your guest list. JASON: You organized a launch party. RICHARD: Yes, and trust me when I tell you that there is no one who can throw together a more elegant event at the drop of a hat than Emily Gilmore. EMILY: True, and thank you, and you still forgot to tell him. JASON: Well, Emily, I really appreciate the thought, but I'm not so sure a launch party is the way to go. EMILY: What do you mean? RICHARD: Well, Jason, it's traditional to do something for our clients. They appreciate it. It gives us a chance to talk to them one-on-one, develop relationships. EMILY: It's the extra little things that set you apart in business, Jason. JASON: I couldn't agree more, and that is why I've organized a trip to Atlantic City. EMILY: What? JASON: You know, get everybody out, away from business, away from their spouses, away from stuffy cocktail-party music and floral arrangements. Have a little crazy fun - you know, good food, lots to drink, maybe a little gambling, a show, and trust me, nothing bonds two businessmen together more than one of them finding the other hung over with a hooker in their bed the next morning. EMILY: What? JASON: Just a figure of speech, Emily. EMILY: You cannot be serious. These are dignified men and women. There are mobsters in Atlantic City. JASON: Let's hope so. EMILY: Talk to him. RICHARD: Well, Jason, I'm not so sure this - JASON: Richard, this is the kind of thing that could set us apart from the other companies. It's different, maybe a little crazy, but they will remember it and they will tell their friends about it. RICHARD: Yes, I suppose they will. JASON: Every other company in town is throwing a dignified cocktail party. Believe me, right now my mother has twelve caterers throttling every sturgeon they can find to get fine caviar for my father's clients. Let's not give our clients canapés, Richard. Let's give 'em some fun. RICHARD: Well, it is different. EMILY: You can't be serious. RICHARD: Well, it's good to change with the times. EMILY: You're running an insurance company, not a rap label. People aren't looking to you to give them a good time. They are looking to you to protect their livelihood. RICHARD: Now let's think about this for a moment. I mean, how far along is this party? Is it too late to cancel? EMILY: No, it's not too late to cancel. RICHARD: All right. Jason, we'll try it your way. Atlantic City it is. JASON: I think it's a good move, Richard. And Emily, thank you again for the offer. But see, now you can just hang out and relax. EMILY: My two favorite things. RICHARD: All right, see you tomorrow. JASON: See you tomorrow. CUT TO YALE [Rory walks up to her study tree and finds a guy reading under it] RORY: Um, excuse me, you're sitting under my tree. GUY: What? RORY: My study tree - this is my study tree. GUY: What the hell's a study tree? RORY: Okay. See, I have roommates - GUY: So do I. RORY: Yes, but I have Paris and I have Tanna and I have Janet, and Janet squeaks - GUY: Look, I'm busy, okay? RORY: Yes, I see you're very busy with your "Trucker's Monthly" there, but I finally found a great place to study, and you're sitting on it. GUY: There's a million trees on campus. RORY: But this one fits my back perfectly so I don't get tired, and the light is right, and it's just far enough away from anything busy so that the noise level is perfect, and it's quiet but not Unabomber, and. . .and anyhow, I was just hoping that maybe you would consider giving me back my tree. GUY: No. RORY: Oh. Well. . . CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Kirk and his date walk in] KIRK: After you. LULU: Wow, this place seems nice. KIRK: Yes, diners are apparently all the rage nowadays. LULU: Really? KIRK: Very hip. Very, very hip. Excuse me. LUKE: Yes? KIRK: I believe I have reservations for two. The name's Kirk. LUKE: Kirk, yes. Okay. Follow me. How's this? KIRK: Very satisfactory. Thank you. [hands him a dollar bill] There's more where that came from. LUKE: It's my lucky night. LULU: Wow, I'm getting the fancy treatment. KIRK: Well, you did show up. LULU: Yes, I did. KIRK: I hear the meat loaf is excellent here. CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [There's a knock at the door] LORELAI: Coming, coming, coming. [she opens the door] Mom. EMILY: Were you asleep? LORELAI: Uh, no. EMILY: Then why are you in your pajamas? LORELAI: These aren't pajamas. EMILY: You wear that in public? LORELAI: Hi, Mom. Would you like to come in? [they walk to the living room] EMILY: You have the word "juicy" on your rear end. LORELAI: Uh, well, if I had known you were coming over, I would have changed. EMILY: Into what, a brassiere with the word "tasty" on it? LORELAI: Hey, Mom, what can I do for you? EMILY: I have to talk to you about something. LORELAI: Is everything okay? EMILY: I'm afraid you aren't going to be catering the launch party after all. LORELAI: What? Why? EMILY: Your father and I just decided to go a different way, that's all. LORELAI: A different way? EMILY: Now, of course, I realize you've already put out some money. LORELAI: Yeah, we have. EMILY: Of course, I will reimburse you for all expenses. Just give me the receipts. LORELAI: Great. EMILY: That's it. That's all I came to tell you. LORELAI: Okay, well, thanks for the notice. EMILY: You don't have to take that tone with me, Lorelai. LORELAI: Really, I don't? After you made us do that ridiculous tasting at the house? EMILY: You told me to treat you like any other company. LORELAI: Oh, but you sat there like the Queen of England, making us jump through hoops and taking ridiculous notes and for what - so you could fire us? Is this payback for me not telling you about the business? Because, I have to say, Mom, even for you, it seems a little extreme. EMILY: I understand you're upset. LORELAI: Yes, I'm upset! We needed that money, Mom. And I knew that humiliation was part of the package, but I did it because I had to, and - just you abruptly firing us is completely wrong! EMILY: I agree, it is wrong. LORELAI: Well, okay, then. . .as long as you agree it's wrong. . what? Okay. EMILY: I'm sorry, Lorelai. I really am. I thought your table was lovely. I thought the food was wonderful. I was really looking forward to this party. I think it might have been the best one I ever put on. LORELAI: So, then, what happened? EMILY: Oh, you know, times change, Lorelai. Things that were once considered proper and elegant are now considered stuffy and out-of-date. LORELAI: Like what? EMILY: Like canapés and cocktail parties and the people who plan them. LORELAI: Mom, what are you talking about? EMILY: Nothing. It's not important. LORELAI: Mom, come on. EMILY: Jason decided to take the clients to Atlantic City instead. He thinks that's what they would prefer to do. He's probably right anyhow. What do I know? LORELAI: Did he know all the work you put into this? EMILY: It's really not important, Lorelai. I do this for your father. I have done this for your father for the last 36 years. If he thinks that Jason's right, then it's fine with me. And after all, now I don't have to worry about a party. I can just relax and hang out. LORELAI: Mom. EMILY: Anyhow, I have to go. I'm wasting all my hanging-out time sitting here talking about this silly party. Send me those receipts and I'll get you a check. LORELAI: Okay, well, great. EMILY: Apologize to Sookie for me, will you? LORELAI: Sure. EMILY: We'll see you girls Friday night. CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Kirk and Lulu are still on their date] LULU: [laughs] Oh, my gosh, that's so funny. That's amazing, you sound just like him. [Luke watches them for a moment, then starts making some coffee. Kirk comes up behind him] KIRK: Luke. LUKE: [startled] Jeez! Kirk, what are you doing? KIRK: I need your help. LUKE: I'm filling the coffee here. KIRK: Look behind me. LUKE: What am I looking at, Kirk? KIRK: Is she still there? LUKE: Who? KIRK: Lulu. Is Lulu still there? LUKE: You mean your date? KIRK: Yes, Lulu, my date. Who else would I mean? Catch up, man. Time is of the essence. LUKE: Yes, she's still there. KIRK: Are you sure? LUKE: Yes, I'm sure, now get out from behind my counter. KIRK: I don't know what to do. LUKE: What are you talking about? I just looked over there and everything seemed fine. KIRK: Exactly. Everything seemed fine. LUKE: So? KIRK: Doesn't that seem weird to you? LUKE: No. KIRK: Really? LUKE: Yes, a little, but so what? Why question it? Go back over there. KIRK: I can't. I don't understand what's happening. I mean, she was looking at me. Directly at me. At first I thought I had something on my lip, but I brushed and brushed and nothing. She was just looking at me. LUKE: Well, that's good. KIRK: And I have prepared several small-talk subjects for the evening and I haven't used one of them. LUKE: You're making too much of this. KIRK: This is not how it's supposed to go. I'm supposed to take her out, we're supposed to exhaust my prepared subjects immediately, and then the minute I get up and go to the bathroom, she is supposed to sneak out and leave me here humiliated. Now I have been to the bathroom three times, and I have to tell you, I did not have to go, and every time I came back to the table, she was there and she was smiling, and. . .hey, did you see her touch my arm? What the hell was that all about? LUKE: I think that means she likes you. KIRK: Shut up! You take that back! LUKE: Kirk, Kirk, I am not gonna fight with you over you not believing that this girl likes you because, to be honest with you, I'm a little fuzzy on the "why" myself, but the bottom line is she does. KIRK: She does? LUKE: Yes, she's laughing and smiling, and buckle up, cowboy, because I think she might actually touch you again. KIRK: You think? LUKE: There's a frightening chance she might, so my advice to you is to go back over there and continue doing what you've been doing. KIRK: I was doing my Jon Cryer from "Pretty in Pink" impression. LUKE: Duckie? KIRK: Yes, Duckie. LUKE: Were you near the end of the movie yet? KIRK: No, just getting to the "Try a Little Tenderness" moment. LUKE: You've got plenty of ammo left. Go on. Go back over there. KIRK: You think she likes me? LUKE: I think she likes you. KIRK: You think she likes me. LUKE: God help us one and all. CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai is sitting at the kitchen table. Sookie is throwing away the broccoli tarts] LORELAI: [on phone] Uh, no, just leave another message that I called. Thank you. [hangs up] SOOKIE: Number 42, see ya. LORELAI: You don't have to throw them all out, Sookie. SOOKIE: I didn't. I've got twenty in the freezer. LORELAI: Great. SOOKIE: And so do you. LORELAI: Even better. SOOKIE: I already had that money spent. It was going towards a down payment on a safer car. Now little Davey will have to fend for himself rolling around in the back of Daddy's truck. RORY: [entering the house] Mom? LORELAI: Kitchen. SOOKIE: "Hold on, Davey! Daddy's coming to a sudden stop." LORELAI: You're being dramatic. SOOKIE: But I'm so disappointed. I mean, all that planning, all that time, all that broccoli. [Rory walks into the kitchen] RORY: I lost my tree. LORELAI: What? RORY: My tree, my study tree - it's gone. Someone stole it. SOOKIE: Someone stole a tree? RORY: No, the tree's still there, but when I went there today, there was this guy sitting there reading trucking magazines and he would not give it up, so now I'm back where I started. LORELAI: You'll figure something out. RORY: Yes, I will figure out what my alternate profession will be because now I can't study, I'm gonna flunk out of Yale and I'm gonna have to give up all hope of being a foreign correspondent. This sucks. SOOKIE: You're telling me? I'm eating broccoli tarts for the next four years. RORY: Well, what am I gonna do? LORELAI: You are gonna suck it up. RORY: What? LORELAI: You're in college now, Rory. If your study plan doesn't work, then come up with another one. Just figure it out, but stop complaining because you're not two. And Sookie, in pioneer times, kids traveled across the country in covered wagons and survived. Somehow I think little Davey will live without his minivan. RORY: Mom, why are you mad? LORELAI: I have something I have to do. I'll be back in a little while. And have these damn tarts out of here by the time I get home! SOOKIE: Grab a fork. CUT TO JASON'S OFFICE [Jason is talking to his secretary when Lorelai walks in] LORELAI: Well, hello, Digger Stiles. JASON: Lorelai Gilmore, you sure grew up good. LORELAI: Oh, did I, Digger? Thanks. Listen, why didn't you return my calls? JASON: 'Cause I hadn't seen you yet. LORELAI: Four times. You never called me back. JASON: I'll call you back now. What's your number? LORELAI: 976-bite-me. JASON: Okay, did you get that, Ms. Lomay? Because I know how much you like having numbers in your files. LORELAI: We need to talk. JASON: In my office? LORELAI: Great. JASON: [to his secretary] You know what? You can go. SECRETARY: All right. Goodnight, Mr. Stiles. JASON: Goodnight. [to Lorelai] Would you like something to drink? LORELAI: Oh, no, thanks. JASON: So how you been? LORELAI: Great. You? JASON: No complaints. LORELAI: Okay, small talk over. I want you to know something - you can't just waltz into people's lives and take over. JASON: I don't waltz at all. It's embarrassing and a little gay. LORELAI: You know, people were hired for this party, people who were counting on this money. JASON: What party? LORELAI: Launch party. JASON: Oh, that. LORELAI: Yes, that. And I want to tell you something else - my mother has been planning these stupid parties for years, and it was completely out of line for you to walk in there and just crap all over the whole thing and make her feel obsolete and useless. JASON: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on there. I never knew about the party. They never told me about the party. LORELAI: Well, of course they never told you about the party because they're inconsiderate and self-centered, and they have been that way for many years, so they have dibs. But the minute you found out about the party, you should have canceled your plans. JASON: It was too late for that. And I never called your mother obsolete, I just called cocktail parties obsolete. LORELAI: Same thing. JASON: I don't see how. LORELAI: Jason, my mother is a corporate wife. Her job is putting these parties on, and you put her out of work. You know that, your mother does the same thing. Imagine if you took these functions away from her. What would she have left? JASON: More time with the pool boy? LORELAI: You embarrassed my mother and made her feel small. You unceremoniously canceled something she had been working on for days. JASON: But I didn't know. LORELAI: And then she had to come to my house and fire me! JASON: Fire you? Why would she fire you? LORELAI: Because I was the caterer. JASON: Get out of town! LORELAI: Yes, I have a partner in a small catering company. JASON: You cook? LORELAI: I plan. JASON: Well, I had no idea how much chaos my little weekend was causing. LORELAI: No, you didn't, because you didn't think. You never thought. Back in summer camp, you never thought. "Hey, if I stand up in this canoe, maybe it'll tip over." That was the extent of your thought process. JASON: You're still mad about that. LORELAI: I was fully dressed. JASON: I remember - green T-shirt, no bra. LORELAI: What? JASON: Trust me, I was the hero of cabin five for the rest of the summer. LORELAI: You will apologize to my mother. JASON: Absolutely. LORELAI: And you will let her throw that party. JASON: Sorry. LORELAI: Digger! JASON: Umlauts! The party is off. Now this is business. I will apologize to Emily, but that is the best I can do. LORELAI: I can't believe you just called me Umlauts. JASON: You called me Digger three times before I called you Umlauts once. I think that shows great self-control. LORELAI: Let my mother have her party! JASON: No, I can't do it, but what I can do is take you out to dinner tomorrow night. LORELAI: I'm sorry, how do those two thoughts even coincide? JASON: You'd have to be in my head, but trust me, there was a track. LORELAI: I am not having dinner with you. JASON: Why not? LORELAI: Because you just had me fired. You just insulted my mother. JASON: It's interesting, I didn't know you and your mother were so close. LORELAI: We're not. JASON: You're being awfully protective of her. LORELAI: Well, every family has a Fredo. JASON: Yeah, and Fredo's family put two in the back of his head. LORELAI: My relationship with my mother is none of your business. JASON: Then have dinner with me. LORELAI: No! JASON: Why not? LORELAI: Because. JASON: Because your mother would hate it. LORELAI: Yes, my mother would hate it. A lot. You suck. CUT TO YALE [Rory walks up to the study tree, where the same guy is reading under it] RORY: Excuse me. Remember me? GUY: I got here first. RORY: I know. Look, I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry about the other day. I got a little wound up because I do that sometimes. I get too structured and too serious and I just have to adjust, you know, because we're in college and college is about change, and you have my study tree, so yeah, I just. . .I have to be okay with that and just learn to kind of go with the flow. So I just wanted to tell you that, and I'm sorry if I interrupted you again. GUY: That's okay. RORY: I'll give you twenty bucks for the tree. GUY: You're gonna pay me for the tree? RORY: Go with the flow, man. GUY: You're on. [He takes the money and leaves. Rory sits down under the tree and starts to study]

Emily offers Lorelai and Sookie the job of catering the party to launch Richard's new business venture, then runs them ragged with demands. Meanwhile, at school, Rory finds that her roommates' activities are preventing her from studying.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_07x10

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_07x10_0

[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE -- NIGHT] (A lone figure carries a body through the construction site. His feet stagger in the dirt under the weight.) VARIOUS DISSOLVES OF: The man continues to carry the body through the construction site. (The man adjusts his hold on the barefooted body wrapped in a blanket. He starts walking across a board leading to the still drying concrete. He tosses the body onto the concrete. The body lands with a splat, unrolls and the body comes to a halt.) (The man nearly loses his balance as he looks at the body out on the concrete. He rolls his eyes.) FLASH TO: [EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE -- DAY] (The man is stuck waist-deep in the concrete. Brass leads Catherine and Grissom to the man in the concrete next to the body.) Brass: Construction crew found him when they came into work this morning. The woman's dead. The guy's still alive, but he's not talking. Wouldn't even give me his name, even after I gave him my name. (Catherine starts laughing as she heads over to look at the body.) Grissom: Did you, uh, pull his wallet? Brass: No, everything is just the way I found it. I mean, I figure some knucklehead, you know, came in off the street, found him, figured he had a free pass, and picked his pocket. (The man in the concrete shakes his head. Catherine can't seem to stop laughing.) Brass: Anyway, I'm, uh ... I'm talking to people. I'll, uh, I'll let you know what we find out. Grissom: Catherine ... Do you need a minute? Catherine: Yes, I'm ... Yes, I'm ... (clears throat) I mean ... No, Gil. I'm good. (Catherine walks back to the man in the concrete.) Catherine: So, how's your day going? Max: Lady ... the best day I ever had is worse than the worst day you've ever imagined. Catherine: Oh, I doubt that. Grissom: Who's your lady friend? Max: Never saw that woman before in my life. Catherine: Uh, look, you're not going anywhere. It'll be a lot better for you if you just cooperate and tell us what happened. Max: You want to know what happened? Catherine: Mm-hmm. Max: Figure it out yourself. Grissom: That's the fun part. (Catherine chuckles.) FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] (Sirens wail in the distance.) [EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX -- DAY] (The residents wait outside. Nick and Warrick walk into the complex. They pass the guard posted at the gate. They meet up with Sofia.) Sofia: Hey. Warrick: Hey. Stokes: Que pasa? Sofia: One of the residents reported smelling a gas leak at 6:00 a.m. (She leads them up the stairs.) Sofia: He, uh, called the gas company. They arrived; they evacuated the building. Nick: I'm surprised anyone picked out a gas leak through the rest of the stench around here. (They reach the second floor.) Warrick: Yeah, smells like used diapers. [INT. IVANOVNA RESIDENCE - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (She leads them into the apartment.) Sofia: The gas boys traced the leak to this apartment, and that was when they found ... (She leads them into the kitchen where someone has their head stuck in the open oven.) Sofia: -- this. Nick: Whoa. (Nick walks around the body and looks inside the oven.) Sofia: Alyona Ivanovna. Manager said she's lived here alone for 27 years. Nick: Head in the oven ... It's kind of a classic, huh? (Warrick sees a broken dish on the wash rack.) Warrick: Maybe not. I mean, this apartment is neat as a pin. A lady this tidy wouldn't leave a broken dish in a rack like that, you know? (He snaps a photo of the dish.) Sofia: It doesn't necessarily indicate foul play. (Nick snaps digital pictures of the body while Warrick continues to take photos of the apartment.) Sofia: I checked the doors and the window. There's no sign of forced entry. (Warrick notes the broken phone, twisted on the wall.) Warrick: What do you make of this? A busted phone ... (Quick ZOOM to a CU of the gray hair on the phone.) Warrick: -- with gray hairs in it. (Nick looks at the old woman's hair.) Nick: She's definitely got gray hair. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CONSTRUCTION ISTE -- DAY] (The paramedic squirts water into Max's mouth and puts some goggles over Max's eyes.) Catherine: (o.s.) Okay, David. Let's roll her over together. (Catherine and David are with the body. They flip the body over. Max watches from the side. The paramedic is applying sunscreen to the top of Max's bald head.) David Phillips: Single stab wound, just below the sternum. It feels domestic. Crime of passion? CATHERINE: Maybe? David Phillips: Good point. [SCENE_BREAK] (The workers use a jackhammer on the concrete around Max. Catherine covers her eyes as the dust fills the air around them.) Catherine: Hey! Hey! Hey! (She motions for the worker to stop. The jackhammer stops.) Catherine: You ready to give me a name? (Max doesn't say anything.) Catherine: You know, you are in a very deep hole, in every sense of the word, my friend. Think about that while we chisel you out. It's going to take a few hours ... assuming we're careful. See ya. (Max waves to her as Catherine gets up and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. IVANOVA RESIDENCE - KITCHEN -- DAY] (Warrick spreads the white sheet on the floor as Nick and David Phillips help get Alyona Ivanovna out of the oven. They place her on the sheet.) Nick: It's just a guess, but I'd say she's in rigor. (Warrick snaps photos of the body.) David Phillips: Blunt-force trauma on the forehead, and on the base of the skull. Warrick: I doubt very highly that those were self-induced. (Warrick shines his flashlight on the inside of the oven.) Warrick: Look at that: it's dented. (Quick flash to: Someone shoves the old woman into the oven. End of flash.) Warrick: Looks like she may have been slammed into her own oven. Nick: Yep. David Phillips: She's been dead at least twelve hours. (Camera zooms in toward something behind her ear.) Nick: I've got a substance on her ... right ear. She doesn't really look like the hair gel type. (Warrick snaps photos.) Nick: Hang on a second, fellas. Look at that. (Nick reaches in and takes out the woman's bottom teeth.) Nick: Her dentures ... they were in upside down. (Very strange.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Grissom finds Greg in the hallway.) Grissom: Hey. You're coming with me. We got another 419 out by Nellis. Greg: Wow, busy night. Any details? Grissom: They tell me it tastes just like chicken. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MANNLEIGH CHICKEN -- DAY] (Grissom and Greg walk past the officers as they head for the warehouse. Outside, there are moveable cages filled with chickens.) [INT. MANNLEIGH CHICKEN -WAREHOUSE - DAY] (The plant is quiet. Grissom and Greg walk inside and meet up with Brass, who waits by the body. The body is in the basin in some water.) Brass: The dead guy in the bath is Raymundo Suarez. He works the night shift. He cleans the equipment from 8:00 p.m. to 4:00 a.m. The day-shift guys came in, found him like this. The foreman here called it in. Grissom: This basin is designed to transfer an electrical current. Plant Foreman: Of course it does. It's a stun bath. We use it to stun the chickens before they go into the next room. Brass: Where they get their throats cut. Plant Foreman: Which is why we electrocute them first. It's humane. Greg: Was the current on when you found the body? Plant Foreman: No, sir, it was off; it stays off all night. Hey, uh, how long is this gonna take? Brass: As long as it takes. Plant Foreman: I got a lot of birds piling up outside. They're gonna die out there in that heat. Brass: Well, it's not like they're gonna do any better in here. Come on, I want to talk to your crew. (Brass leads the plant foreman out of the area. Grissom looks up at the equipment.) Greg: Maybe he was high. Passes out and falls in? Grissom: How does he end up face down in the middle of the bath? Greg: Kind of tough to drown in three inches of water. Grissom: Not impossible, though. (Quick flash of: Raymundo Suarez is face down in the water. He seizes and shakes from the electrocution.) Grissom: (V.O.) If he hit the water when the current was on, his muscles could've contracted, making it impossible for him to get out. (Someone comes and turns the switch off.) Greg: (V.O.) But the machine's off at night, and it was off when they found the body. (End of flash.) Greg: Which means someone turned it off after he was dead. Grissom: Yeah. (beat) Who? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MANNLEIGH CHICKEN - DAY] (Outside, the workers are being interviewed by officers. The chickens continue to sit in their cages.) (Brass interviews Ernie Dell.) Brass: All right, what's your name, and what do you do here? Ernie Dell: Name's Ernie Dell. Maintenance man. I work 3:00 to 11:00. Brass: Mm-hmm. You see the victim last night? Ernie Dell: Uh, yeah, and Raymundo was just fine when I left. Brass: You and Raymundo get along? Ernie Dell: Kept my nose out of his business; he kept his out of mine. Didn't have a problem with him. Brass: But you know somebody who did? Ernie Dell: Well, between you and me, the guy you ought to be talking to is Ike Mannleigh. Brass: Oh. You mean the guy who owns the company? Ernie Dell: Well, Raymundo's pretty far down on the pecking order. Brass: You think the big boss had a problem with him? Ernie Dell: No. Not unless you think a guy banging your wife is a problem. (Quick flash of: Raymundo and Mrs. Mannleigh kiss and undress among the clucking chickens. Ernie Dell sees them from behind the chicken cages. End of flash.) Ernie Dell: Can't blame him, though. Bubbles Mannleigh is a cheap whore. Brass: Did you and Bubbles take a tumble? Ernie Dell: Me? Nah. Reminds me too much of my mother. Besides, uh ... Bubbles likes the dark meat. [INT. MANNLEIGH CHICKEN -WAREHOUSE - DAY] (Greg snaps photos of the body and surrounding areas while Grissom looks around.) (Grissom kneels in front of the electrical switch and moves it a little.) (Greg finds something. He snaps a photo and picks up a used condom.) Greg: Unappetizing place to get your rocks off. Grissom: Not if you have a poultry fetish. (Grissom looks around and finds something. He heads over to a box tucked away in the corner. Greg glances up at him.) Greg: You got something? Grissom: Yeah, I think so. (Grissom opens the box and finds a miniature plant replica complete with dead body inside.) Grissom: One more chance. WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. MINIATURE PLANT] (Camera swoops around the plant basin and dead body face-down inside.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM - DAY] (TOP VIEW DOWN: One by one, the camera moves across the miniatures lined up on the table. First the most recent miniature of the Mannleigh Chicken Plant, then the Penny Garden room.) INSERT: SCENE FROM 7X07: POST MORTEM (Someone smashes Penny Garden into the window. She falls on the glass and dies.) (Cut to: Grissom moves the pillow on the chair aside and finds the image of a doll on the pillow.) BACK TO SCENE. (The camera continues to move to the first diorama found of Izzy Delancy's kitchen.) INSERT: SCENE OF 7X02: BUILT TO KILL (2) (Someone comes up behind Izzy Delancy and hits him on the back of his head.) (Cut to: Grissom picks up the framed photo of Izzy carrying his baby. Behind the frame is a partial image of a doll.) BACK TO SCENE. [CU: PHOTOS] (Pan over a XCU photo of the doll, then on the image of the doll on the pillow.) (Grissom turns around from the board full of photos of various views of the dioramas. He puts his glasses on and picks up the scope. He puts one end in the latest diorama and the other end up against his eye.) SCOPE VIEW: Grissom looks through the diorama, covering a lot of ground. He sees the door and an image in one of the door's windows. (Grissom peels off the image and looks at it under a magnifying glass. He smiles. It's of a red-haired doll on the ground - partially on the grass and on concrete with blood spatter under the head.) Sara: (o.s.) You look like a kid who's just found the prize at the bottom of a Cracker Jacks box. (Sara walks in the room.) Grissom: Definitely some kind of doll. Sara: It sure is. (Grissom turns around and indicates the other doll photos on the board.) Grissom: Three different views of the same dead doll. Maybe this is more than a signature. Maybe there's something these victims have in common. Sara: First two victims were white, third Hispanic, two men, one woman, one rich, two poor, one young, two old, one famous, two obscure ... Grissom: Yeah. (He picks up a blurry photo.) Grissom: And unfortunately, this is the best lead we have for their killer. INSERT: SCENE FROM 7X07: POST-MORTEM. The killer delivers the box on the front porch. (Sara takes the blurry photo.) Sara: This is the most that Archie could get off that video? Grissom: Yeah, well, with the equipment we have here. Sara: I'm getting Raymundo's cell phone records. I'm gonna see if any of his calls are a match to the numbers that Penny Garden and Izzy Delancy had in common. Grissom: Whatever happened with that number we got off the disposable cell phone? Any luck with that? Sara: Disposable phone numbers are assigned by the carrier to the phone distributors. It took a little bit of legwork, but I did find the store where the phone was sold. Grissom: Let me guess. It was paid for with cash. Sara: Yeah. (Sara sees the information on the bottom of the photo.) Mannleigh Chickens. Grissom: What about it? (She picks up the file folder.) Sara: I'll let you know. (She heads for the door. Grissom looks at her. She looks back.) Sara: See how it feels? (Sara suppresses a smile and leaves Grissom there.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (There are three bodies on exam tables. Catherine waits while Doc Robbins signs David Phillips' clipboard.) David Phillips: You know, we're getting kind of backed up in here. Robbins: The only one I hear complaining about it is you. (He gives the clipboard back to David. David leaves.) Robbins: Your cement lady's approximately 40 to 45 years old. COD is exsanguination due to laceration of the right ventricle. Wound seven centimeters long, five millimeters wide. Catherine: That looks like it could be a double-edged blade. It's pretty thick, too. Robbins: Well, it passed into the heart-- (Quick CGI flash of: A blade pierces the heart and it bleeds out.) Robbins: (V.O.) with a, uh, point of entry midline just below the xiphoid process. (End of CGI flash.) Catherine: Upward thrust. Robbins: I just said that. Catherine: Okay. Any idea what the weapon might have been? Robbins: If I knew, I would've told you. I got to get to work. Taxpayers are getting their money's worth tonight. (Robbins steps away to the next body. We hold on Catherine.) [SCENE_BREAK] [CAMERA] (Max holds the identification plate as his photo is taken. There is no ID number or name on the board. ID NO. DATE LAS VEGAS POLICE DEPARTMENT. ) (The camera flashes.) (Max blinks and turns to the side. The camera flashes again.) (Max steps out of camera frame.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (An officer leads Max into the room. Catherine dips his hands into a bowl) Catherine: Thank you. Max: Tingles. Catherine: You take them out, he puts them back in. Max: What is it? Catherine: It's acetic acid. Max: Do you do feet? I got a bunion that could use some soaking. (Catherine takes his hands out and towel dries them.) Max: What's this do? Catherine: Takes your fingerprints. Max: Mmm. (She puts his hands on the box.) Max: Good luck with that. (Brass walks in.) Brass: How's Mr. Hoffa? Max: Hey, Jim. Cathy and I are just getting reacquainted. Will Gilbert be stopping by? Brass: I take it we don't have a name yet. Catherine: No. Brass: I bet you ten bucks that I have you made by 9:00 p.m. Max: You're on. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. OUTSIDE IVANOVNA APARTMENT -- DAY] (Nick and Warrick step out of the apartment. Nick is on the phone.) Nick: (to phone) Okay, Hodges. What do you got? Hodges: (from phone) The green trace on your old lady. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Hodges walks through the hallway with the results while talking on the phone with Nick.) Hodges: Adipic acid, disodium phosphate, sodium citrate, fumaric acid, Yellow #5, Blue #1, BHA, a whole lot of gelatin, and sugar. Nick: Which is? Hodges: Oh, come on. There's always room for it. Nick: Just tell me what it is, Hodges. Hodges: Jell-O. Lime Jell-O. Nick: Lime Jell-O? Hodges: I tell you what. You tell me why. (Hodges hangs up.) [SCENE_BREAK] [XCU: GREEN JELL-O] (Through the green Jell-Osludge on the floor, ants crawl all over it.) CAMERA ZOOMS OUT on the ant-infested green spot on the floor. [EXT. OUTSIDE IVANOVNA APARTMENT -- DAY] (Warrick looks down and notices the green Jell-O spot on the ground. He takes his camera out and follows the trail of ants and Jell-O.) (He takes a photo.) VARIOUS DISSOLVES OF: (Warrick and Nick follow the trail. Warrick snaps photos and Nick puts down evidence markers.) (Dissolve to: Nick hands Warrick evidence marker 8. He puts it on the ground and snaps photos.) (Dissolve to: FAR SHOT. Nick and Warrick continue following the trail to the end of the floor.) (Dissolve to: Nick and Warrick follow the trail to the next building.) (Dissolve to: Nick puts down evidence marker #39. Warrick snaps photos. Warrick puts the next evidence marker #16 down in front of the door.) (They look at the apartment door.) [INT. APARTMENT - DAY] (The door bursts open. An officer and Sofia quickly check the apartment.) Sofia: Clear. (Warrick puts his gun away. He and Nick enter the apartment. He sees another spot of green Jell-O on the floor.) Officer: (o.s.) Clear. (Warrick snaps photos of the Jell-O spots. Nick points them out as they head toward the kitchen.) (They enter the kitchen and see the smears on the floor.) Nick: Oh, boy. Looks like somebody cleaned up in a hurry. More green Jell-O. (Warrick continues to snap photos. Nick takes out a swab.) Warrick: Sofia, you get a tenant's name for this apartment? Sofia: According to the management office, this apartment's a sublet, has been for years. He's not seen who lives here. (Nick tests the swab.) Nick: I got blood, too. (Warrick looks out the window.) Warrick: This place has a direct view of the old lady's apartment. (Sofia and Nick join Warrick and look out the window as well.) Warrick: So, what, the guy's killing the old lady, -- (Quick flash of: VIEW ON WINDOW. The curtains are closed and all we see are the shadows behind them. The man on the other side pushes the curtain aside and looks out.) Warrick: (V.O.) -- he sees he's being watched, and he, what, comes back here and whacks the witness? (End of flash.) Nick: It's possible. But why get rid of this body and leave the old lady? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- DAY] (Grissom and Sara are watching an IZZY DELANCY ad.) Izzy: (from video) Hi. I'm Izzy Delancy. And back in my bad old days, I'd do almost anything to sell albums. (The caption on the bottom of the ad runs: PLEASE DONATE! - 1-800-555-0199 - LITTLE CREATURES GREAT & SMALL - WE NEED YOUR HELP! ) Izzy: (from video) People even accused me of biting the heads off live chickens on stage. I'm not proud of that. But I've worked hard to change. And with the help of the good Lord, fourteen years of therapy and two loving wives, I humbly believe I've made progress. But this story is not about Izzy Delancy. It's about something much, much bigger: cruelty. Did you know that every day in the United States, more chickens are killed than all the people in the Rwandan genocide? Now, you may argue, "Izzy, African people are not a food source." Well, you're missing the point entirely. Cruelty is cruelty, whether the victim be a chicken or a malnourished African. (Sara pauses the ad.) Grissom: Where did you find this? Sara: I like animals, and after the Delancy murder, I brushed up on my history. As it turns out, three years ago, Izzy Delancy had a midlife awakening and became an animal rights activist. He starred in and financed this PSA targeting Mannleigh Chickens as the epitome of everything that is wrong in the slaughter industry. (Sara continues the ad. This time, it's for MANNLEIGH CHICKEN. The caption on screen reads: MANNLEIGH CHICKEN TV COMMERCIAL.) Ike Mannleigh: (from ad) It takes a manly man to make a Mannleigh chicken. (On screen, Ike Mannleigh leans forward and crows like a rooster. The caption reads: IKE MANNLEIGH, C.E.O.) (The ad continues.) Izzy Delancy: (from ad) Now, perhaps you've purchased Mannleigh Roasters, Fryers or Assorted Parts at your local grocery store, and you believe you're eating chicken. But what you're really eating is cruelty. Our undercover investigators secretly recorded workers at a Mannleigh processing plant throwing loose animals up against the wall, stomping up and down on them, kicking them across the room. (Sara pauses the ad.) Grissom: How bad did Mannleigh get hurt by this? Sara: His sales dropped 60%. He launched a very expensive PR campaign to rehabilitate his image, including retrofitting a plant with cruelty-free equipment. His business never recovered. He probably hated Delancy. (Grissom nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Brass talks with Ike Mannleigh.) Ike Mannleigh: I have no idea how Raymundo ended up dead. I liked that boy. Brass: Apparently, so did your wife. She was spending some quality time with Raymundo down at the plant. Ike Mannleigh: If I killed every guy that banged my Bubbles, they'd be stacking up like cord wood. Brass: So you have no problem with it? Ike Mannleigh: Look. Bubbles is an insatiable slut, but she's my slut, and I love her. I don't expect you to understand. Brass: Oh, I get it. (Brass passes a crime scene photo of Penny Garden.) Brass: Do you know this woman? Ike Mannleigh: I've never seen her before in my life. Brass: How about him? (He passes over a crime scene photo of Izzy Delancy.) Ike Mannleigh: Let's not screw around here. You know I knew him, and you know I hated him. That jerk nearly put me into Chapter 11. Brass: He ended up dead, too. Ike Mannleigh: And I sent his wife a Hallmark and a case of frozen chickens the day he died. Brass: He was murdered. Ike Mannleigh: That's what I heard, too. We're done here. You want to call my attorney or should I? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. CSI - A/V LAB -- NIGHT] (The label on the package reads: DATE: 12-07-06 657-18898-23564 R. KRANSEN 206*-555-0165 VISION IMAGE AZ 2655 WEST 37TH AVE NE SEATTLE WA 98101 MR. GIL GRISSOM 702-555-0189 CSI: LAS VEGAS CRIME LAB 3057 WESTFALL AVENUE LAS VEGAS NV 89156 (Grissom opens the box and plugs it in.) (The VISION IMAGE AZ FORENSIC PHOTO LAB software is installed.) (Grissom sits at the workstation installing the software.) (Grissom watches the 11.09.06 footage of the box being delivered to PENNY GARDEN'S neighbor. He runs the video through the software and enhances the image. He works on sharpening the enhanced image.) (Hodges walks in and watches Grissom for a moment. Grissom successfully enhances the image on the back of the deliveryman's shirt. It looks like a train.) Hodges: (enthusiastic) Whoo, whoo-whoo! Grissom: (startled) Thank you, Hodges. I can see that it's a train. Hodges: Yeah, but it's Locomotive-ville. (Grissom is quiet.) Hodges: Sorry. Thought you might be a member. (Surprised, Grissom glances at Hodges, then back at the enhanced photo.) [SCENE_BREAK] [MONITOR] (Greg is at the L.V.M.T.C. site. He enters the site. The write up reads: LOCOMOTIVEVILLE LAS VEGAS MODEL TRAIN CLUB Welcome to Locomotiveville! If you are a new to the site, be sure to check out the -- page and join. Jordan Palmer will be here this Saturday for a free workshop on bu- trains. Jordan will cover the entire process, from where to get the best models at - to which glue and paint will hold up the be--- Jordan's 4th year at the annual model fest- answer all of your questions. Reservations - made early, classes always fill up. Don't - for the raffle, only five dollars at the door. (He scrolls through the on-line photos of various members. Names include: KEVIN SIMONS, JORDAN PALMER, KRISTEN DEARDAH?, JANE TEMPLETON, CHARLES McCORMICK, AMY KIRKWOOD, COREY JENNINGS, CHOLE KEATON, HERBERT BELL, GRANT BOYD, ERNIE DELL, MARISSA CALLAH?, ... ) (Greg stops on ERNIE DELL.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DELL RESIDENCE - NIGHT] (Squad cars pull up, their sirens off but lights flashing.) Brass: (V.O.) Attention all units, suspect's name is Ernie Dell. Dispatch: (V.O.) Copy that. All units, please be advised that suspect Ernie Dell - (TOP VIEW DOWN on squad car 694. Brass exits the vehicle and meets up with Officer Mitchell who is carrying something to open the front door.) [INT. DELL RESIDENCE - FRONT PORCH - NIGHT] (They reach the front porch. Brass knocks on the door.) Brass: Ernie Dell? Las Vegas Police! Open up. (There's no answer coming from the darkened house. Brass steps away from the door.) Brass: (to Officer Mitchell) Go ahead. Break it. (Officer Mitchell uses a crowbar and opens the front door. The two officers enter the house and move silently inside. Brass enters the house. He looks around.) Officer: (o.s.) It's clear, Captain. SHORT TIME CUT TO: (The trains are powered on. The electricity powers on and the hum of the model trains start as it runs along the tracks set up inside the room. Greg and Brass look at the set-up.) (The detail is amazing and also gruesome. There's a person standing on top of a large building - and another lying in a pool of blood on the sidewalk below.) (In another part of the route, there are four people beating to a pulp another person on the ground in front of a warehouse.) (Greg continues to look at the miniatures - there's a cemetery. Greg looks around.) Officer: (o.s.) Captain. There's a workshop in the basement. (The train enters a tunnel and toots its whistle.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DELL RESIDENCE - BASEMENT - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (The lights turn on. Brass and Greg enter the basement. Along one of the walls is a workstation with incomplete and partial miniature parts. There are also many, many molds on the worktable.) (Brass finds dozens and dozens of miniature people of different sizes.) (Greg looks around and sees a blue car through a lamp post, its front red and bloodied. There are other bloodied figurines and even a grim reaper for the cemetery, complete with bloodied scythe.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Sofia walks with Warrick through the hallway on their way to the waiting room.) Sofia: One of the other residents ID'd the tenant in the sublet apartment as Paula Sullivan. Warrick: That's good. Sofia: Well, it's better than good. Apparently Paula Sullivan does a little day care on the side. We have a witness. (They enter the waiting area.) Warrick: Hi. I'm Warrick Brown from the Crime Lab. (Suzy's mom stands up. Suzy sits nearby with her teddy bear.) Suzy's Mom: Hi. My Suzy was in that apartment yesterday. And she was filthy when they sent her back, and I marched right over there to give Paula a piece of my mind, and she wasn't home. Paula wasn't there. Suzy: Max watched me. He's nice. Suzy's Mom: Her husband. Neither of them was there when I went back. Warrick: Well, ma'am, we're going to need your daughter's clothes from yesterday. Suzy: I like you. You're a giant. (Warrick chuckles.) Warrick: And you're a princess. Suzy: Thank you. SHORT TIME CUT TO: [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Suzy's feet dangle about a foot off the floor as she swings her legs back and forth. Warrick talks with her as Suzy's mom watches.) Warrick: Okay, Suzy, tell me about Max. What's Max like? Suzy: Max is my friend. He's a lion tamer and an astronaut and a spy. Suzy's Mom: Guy always kinda creeped me out. Warrick: (whispers to Suzy's mom) How come you didn't know that Paula Sullivan wasn't home? Suzy's Mom: We live across the courtyard. (Quick flashback to: Suzy's mom puts her shoes on and gives Suzy a shaka sign. Suzy gives her the shaka sign back.) Suzy's Mom: Bye. (Suzy turns and runs up the stairs.) Suzy's Mom: (V.O.) I send Suzy over. I watch until she gets inside. (She reaches the door and waves to her mom before entering.) (End of flashback.) Suzy: I went in. It was a big mess. Warrick: A big mess? What color was the mess? Suzy: Red and green. (Quick flashback to: Suzy enters the apartment and closes the door. She walks into the kitchen and starts playing with the green Jell-O on the floor. She picks some up and is going to eat it when -- Max: (o.s.) Don't eat that. (Suzy turns.) (End of flashback.) (Suzy giggles.) Suzy: Max came into the kitchen in his underpants. (Warrick glances at Suzy's mom.) Warrick: Hmm ... Did Max try to hug you or touch you? Suzy: Oh, no. He went and got dressed. Warrick: Did Max seem surprised to see all that big mess there? Suzy: (shrugs) I don't know. Warrick: What did Max do next? Suzy: He started cleaning up the big mess. I bet he didn't want to get in trouble. Warrick: I bet you're right. You know what? Could you help me? I've got a picture right here. And I have some crayons, too. Could you draw where the red and the green is in the room? (Warrick gives her a photo of the kitchen. Suzy colors the floor red and puts green circles up on the refrigerator.) Warrick: So the green was all the way up here in the cabinets, too? Suzy: He, um, he had to stand on a chair to reach it. Warrick: Did you help him clean up the mess? Suzy: At first, but then he said there was sharp stuff, so I watched TV. (Quick flashback to: Suzy watches tv. End of flashback.) Warrick: And then what happened? Suzy Sullivan: Then I watched some more TV. Then I watched some more TV, and then I watched some more TV, and then I went home. (Warrick smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE - DAY] (Grissom removes a single pot from the miniature pot rack from the ceiling of the IZZY DELANCY diorama. He fits the ceiling back on the miniature.) (Grissom takes the pot and starts comparing it to all the moldings taken from Ernie Dell's basement. He finds a mold and puts the pot in the mold. He looks for the matching mold cover and fits the two pieces together. He squeezes in some mold mixture.) (He removes the sample and checks it under the scope to compare the two pots. It's a match.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Grissom and Brass question Ernie Dell. Grissom places photos of matching items taken from the dioramas and molds taken from Ernie's house.) Brass: Do these belong to you? Ernie Dell: You know damned well they do. You took 'em from my house. They're mine and I want them back. Brass: So you worked with Raymundo Suarez. Did you know Izzy Delancy? Ernie Dell: Everybody knows Izzy Delancy. He's famous. Used to do it to his music. Brass: And how did he thank you for that? Public humiliation? (Brass puts a screen capture off of an IZZY DELANCY ad. It's of Ernie Dell with a Mannleigh chicken.) Brass: And you knew Penny Garden. Ernie Dell: Who? Grissom: Penny Garden. You delivered a package to her house. (Grissom shows Ernie a photo of the train off the back of the shirt.) Brass: You're a handyman. What'd you fix for her? Ernie Dell: I don't know anything about that. Lots of guys got them shirts. Grissom: Do you have any idea how ... your work ended up at crime scenes from three different murders? (Grissom shows the dioramas to Ernie.) Ernie Dell: I've been making scale models since I was nine years old. I sell my stuff at craft fairs, to hobby shops, over the Internet, every damned place. Sold things to hundreds of people over the years. Any of them could have ended up in the hands of your killer. You're just picking on an old man 'cause you got nothing. Brass: We're just talking here, Ernie. We're just talking. Ernie Dell: You charging me with something? Brass: You want a cup of coffee, Ernie? We got decaf. Ernie Dell: Charge me or let me go. (He looks at them.) I want a lawyer. Brass: You're free to go. (Ernie gets up and leaves the room. Brass sighs.) Brass: So was he right? Are we really just picking on an old man or is he the bad guy? Grissom: Well, he's associated peripherally with all the victims, and he certainly has the right skills. Brass: Yeah ... he spent half his life in Locomotiveville. Grissom: I know what it's like to lose yourself in little things. After a while it gets to you. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] Catherine: (on phone) (V.O.) We're coming up goose eggs on "cement boy" and his lady friend. [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (Brass is on the phone as he hurries through the hallway.) Brass: You got to be kidding? Catherine: (from phone) No hits on AFIS, no hits on CODIS. Guy's got no work card, and his keys weren't a match for any vehicle in a three-block radius of the construction site. Brass: Unbelievable. Catherine: Apparently, just a couple of law-abiding folk. Brass: Well, keep me posted. (He closes his cell phone and enters - [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Max sits at the table.) Max: Hello, Jim. Brass: Hello. Max: Hello ... who? (Brass sits down.) Brass: You know, I don't need your name to arrest you. I can call you John Doe. Okay, let's assume for the moment that you did know the dead lady laying five feet from where we found you. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that you killed her, and then you tried to dispose of her body, but you did something very, very stupid. Are you with me so far? Max: Interesting. Do you have the time, Jim? Brass: Yeah. Max: 'Cause it looks like it's half-past. You owe me ten bucks. (Brass chuckles.) Brass: Make sure this goes in his personal effects. (Brass takes out his money clip and pulls out a ten-dollar bill. He holds it out and Max reaches for it.) Brass: Now, I'm gonna suggest you get a name tag, put the name "Trixie" on it, 'cause that's what your cell mates will be calling you. (Max takes the bill.) Brass: Take him to his cell. (The officer helps Max up.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS] (Max smugly waves the ten-dollar bill out in front of him as he moves through the hallway.) Max: Anybody want anything from the vending machines? Come on. It's on me. Actually, it's on Jimbo. (to the officers) Took this baby off of Captain Brass myself. (to Brass) Look at me, generating income my first day in the joint. Yeah, Mom would be so proud. Not hungry? Soda, maybe? Anybody? (Walking toward him are Suzy's mom, Suzy and Sofia.) (Max sees Suzy and tries to hide behind the ten-dollar bill. He looks at her and tries to signal her to be quiet. The little girl looks at Max and her face lights up.) Suzy Sullivan: Hi, Max! Max: (sheepish) Hi, Suzy. Brass: (mocks) "Hi, Max." (Brass takes the ten back from Max. Max rolls his eyes.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT] (Max is back in the interview room with Brass.) Max: Yeah, I killed my wife, but it was an accident. Brass: You accidentally stabbed her through the heart? Max: That's right. Believe me or don't believe me. I don't care. It's the truth. (Quick flash of: Max pours himself a cup of coffee and spills some on his shirt. He groans.) Paula Sullivan: (groans) Oh, Max. You got coffee on your shirt. (He puts the cup down on the counter near the refrigerator and opens the refrigerator to get the container of milk out from behind the large bowl of green Jell-O.) Paula Sullivan: Here. You're gonna be late again. Could I please just get some ... (She kneels to dab at his shirt as Max pulls the container of milk out of the refrigerator. He knocks over the bowl of Jell-O and it breaks, shattering glass on the floor and green Jell-O everywhere.) Max: Oh! (Both Max and Paula bend over forward and they bang foreheads.) Max/Paula: (both groan) Oh. PAULA: Oh. MAX: Nice. (They rub their foreheads. Max bends over and starts to pick up the broken glass off the floor.) (Meanwhile, the toaster burns the morning toast. The smoke detector starts beeping.) (Max takes a step, slips and accidentally grabs Paula, stabbing her in the chest with the piece of broken glass in his hand.) Paula: Oh. (Paula dies and falls to the floor. Max looks at the piece of broken glass in his hand.) (End of flashback.) Brass: Max, I want to believe you, but I ... (He chuckles.) Max: If I wanted to kill her, do you think I would've dropped a bowl of Jell-O and stabbed her with a piece of broken glass? Brass: But if it was an accident, why didn't you just pick up the phone and call the police? Max: Because I killed my granny. Okay? (Quick flashback to: Granny is in bed and wearing an oxygen mask. She gasps for breath.) Max: (V.O.) It was a long time ago, and it was an accident. (A young Max sits in the rocking chair next to the bed and he's sleeping. Unfortunately, the rocking chair is on Granny's oxygen tubing.) Max: (V.O.) She stroked out. It wasn't my fault. (End of flashback.) Max: They never should've put the oxygen line there. They let me off for that, but I didn't think anyone would believe me this time. Brass: You were never convicted of killing your grandmother. Max: No. Brass: Which is why you don't have a record. Max: You would've found out eventually and held it against me. Brass: All right, what about your neighbor? Mrs. Ivanovna-- did you kill her or was that an accident? Max: I just wanted to talk to her. (Quick flashback to: Max looks at the piece of broken glass in his hand. He turns and sees Mrs. Ivanovna looking at him through the window.) Max: (V.O.) You know, I thought I could make it be okay. (He closes the curtain.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Max knocks on the door to apartment 21.) Max: Mrs. Ivanovna? Hello. (The door opens.) Aloyna Ivanovna: Hello. What do you want? Max: Good morning. Uh, I was wondering if I might borrow some sugar. Aloyna Ivanovna: I get sugar. You stay. Max: Sure. (She turns and heads back inside Aloyna Ivanovna: I get sugar. Stay! Max: Yeah. Aloyna Ivanovna: I get. Yes. I get. You stay. (She disappears into the kitchen. Max smiles at her.) Max: (calls out) I can't have my coffee without my sugar. (He turns and looks at his reflection in the mirror. There's a large bloody mess on his shirt. He groans.) Max: (V.O.) The last thing I wanted to do was hurt that lady. (Max rushes into the kitchen.) Max: Mrs. Ivanovna, it's not what you think! (The old woman is rushing and moving very slowly. She turns to reach for the phone.) Max: No, Mrs. Ivanovna, it's not what you think. (Max reaches her, bumps into her and smashes her into the kitchen phone.) Max: You don't understand. It was an accident. (She falls on the floor, a cut on her head and her false teeth out on the floor. He goes to check on her.) Max: Oh, God. Mrs. Ivanovna? (Max groans.) Max: (V.O.) She was dead. So, you know, I thought ... (Max turns the gas stove on.) Max: (V.O.) ... maybe I'd make it look like a suicide. (He picks her up off the floor and sticks her in the oven.) (End of flashback.) (Max sighs.) Max: It was not ... a good start to the day. (Quick flashback to: Max rolls his wife in a carpet.) (Cut to: He carries her out over his shoulders and out the back.) (Cut to: He opens the car door and sticks her in the trunk. He strips there, tosses the clothes in the trunk and slams the trunk door closed. He glances around and dashes back to the apartment.) (Cut to: Max reaches the apartment and closes the door. He turns to go inside.) Suzy: (o.s.) Hi, Max! (He turns.) Max: Don't eat that! (Suzy is sitting on the kitchen floor with some Jell-O in her fingers. Suzy giggles.) (End of flashback.) Max: After Suzy went back to her mother, I decided to, you know ... Brass: What, to give your wife -- your beloved wife -- a proper burial? Max: Something like that. (Quick flashback to: The back of the car sags from the weight of the body in the trunk, causing the muffler to spark as it drags on the asphalt as Max drives away.) (Cut to: A bunch of homeless people are outside. Max's car fails right in front of the homeless people.) Max: (V.O.) But along the way, I had a bit of car trouble. (Cut to: Max is transporting the body in a shopping cart.) (Flash to: Max carries the carpet as he walks along the thin wooden plank over the wet concrete foundation. He drops the carpet and his wife's body rolls out. Max steps out to get the body and he sinks - and gets stuck - and can't move - and the more he struggles, the deeper he sinks - till he's waist deep in the concrete.) (Max sighs.) (End of flashback.) Max: Few hours later, some punk wanders over and swiped my wallet. That's my life. That's who I am. [OBSERVATION ROOM] Max: (through speakers) I'm the guy who buys his daughter a puppy for her eighth birthday, and the next day, he backs out of the driveway and ... (Catherine rolls her eyes and shakes her head.) Brass: No. No. Don't tell me you ran over the puppy. Max: No. I ran over my daughter. (Catherine's jaw drops.) Max: Twenty years later, she still walks funny. (Catherine laughs quietly.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - NIGHT] (Catherine sits in front of Grissom's desk. She's still laughing.) Catherine: I'm sorry. It's horrible. But it's really funny. It's horrible and it's funny. (She looks at Grissom.) Catherine: Are you okay? (Grissom shakes his head.) Grissom: A guy kills two people before breakfast that he had no intention of killing when he woke up that morning. By all accounts, he's led a meager life, an unnoticed life. And then all of a sudden, in a flash, it's over. And now, for him, the real suffering begins. Catherine: You're tired. Grissom: Yeah. (Sara walks in.) Sara: Hey. Guess what. Grissom: Mankind has reached a new evolutionary plateau, and starting tomorrow, no one will rape, murder or maim again. Sara: Uh, no. Grissom: Too bad. Sara: But we did catch a break on that disposable cell phone number. Grissom: Raymundo Suarez called it as well. Sara: No, he didn't. But according to the carrier, additional minutes were recently purchased with a credit card belonging to Ernie Dell. Brass is already on it. They're picking him up. We've got the miniature killer. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DELL RESIDENCE - OUTSIDE STREET - NIGHT] (Officers head quietly for the front door.) INTERCUT WITH: [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - NIGHT] (Grissom sits in his office and waits.) (His computer beeps.) Recorded Voice: You have e-mail. (Grissom turns and sits in front of his computer. He opens the e-mail from: Ernie @ eedellworld.co... 6KB I CONFESS TO THE MURDERS OF ... (He opens it: From: <Ernie @eedellworld.com> To: GilGrissom Date: 12/08/06 12:32 am Subject: I CONFESS TO THE MURDERS OF Izzy Delancy, Penny Garden, & Raymundo Suarez. www.eedellworld.com (It's a video file.) (Ernie appears on the monitor.) Ernie Dell: (from video) My name is Ernest Edward Dell. I was born in 1946 in Ames, Iowa. My life's been hard, but I don't complain. I never expected better. [EXT. DELL RESIDENCE - NIGHT] (The police open the front door and enter.) [VIDEO] (Ernie lifts a cup of tea, then puts it down.) Ernie Dell: (from video) I'm good with my hands. I make things. I fix things. I'm a handyman. That's what I am. [INT. DELL RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT] (The officers are inside the house. They go through it quietly.) [VIDEO] Ernie Dell: (from video) A man has a right to an honest day's pay. Me, I service the machinery of death so that people can eat. If that makes me evil, then so be it. (He sips his tea.) I'm not the sociable type. I know that. Spend any amount of time around people, you get your heart broke. Treachery, hypocrisy. Promise of love. [INT. DELL RESIDENCE - NIGHT] (The officers move into the next room.) [VIDEO] Ernie Dell: (from video) Look into the mouth of a person, and you'll find lies wriggling there like maggots waiting to grow wings. The world has gone mad. A man could kill from sunup to sunset, and still his work would never be done. (Ernie looks to the side, picks up a gun, puts it under his chin and - OFF GRISSOM: BAMM! (Grissom flinches.) THUD. (Grissom stares at the video.) (All we see is the top of Dell's bloodied head.) Officer: (o.s.) Gunfire! Let's go! (Grissom stares at the screen.) Officer: (o.s.) Not here. (The flashlight glares off the monitor as the officers approach Ernie Dell's body. The first officer there checks for a pulse.) (We hold on Grissom as he stares at the screen.)

Catherine and Brass find a man trapped in cement near a murder victim at a construction site. However, after being rescued and ruled a suspect, the man refuses to reveal his identity. Meanwhile, Nick, Warrick and Sofia investigate the death of an old woman found in her apartment with her head in an oven, but discover that she didn't die from inhaling gas. Grissom, Sara and Greg investigate a murder at a chicken processing plant which, after another miniature model of the crime scene in discovered, aids them in solving the previously unsolved murders.

fd_The_Office_05x24

fd_The_Office_05x24_0

Michael: Hup! [throws cheese puff to Ryan who catches it in his mouth] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Things are a little slow here. And there's only so much cold-calling you can do in a day. Turns out there's no limit to the number of cheese puffs you can throw at someone's face. Michael: Hup! [throws cheese puff to Pam who catches it in her mouth] Pam: We're getting pretty good at it. [SCENE_BREAK] [Pam and Ryan throw cheese puffs to Michael, Ryan and Michael throw cheese puffs at each other, Michael throws a cheese puff over his shoulder to Ryan, all three throw cheese puffs to one another, give high-fives] [SCENE_BREAK] [Pam yawns, two cheese puffs thrown at her, one sticks in her hair] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Andy put down a bunch of deposits on stuff for his wedding with Angela, but then she was sleeping with Dwight for... several years. Wait, no, that can't be right. Pam: The timeline's messy. Jim: Anyway, now we are going bargain hunting in the haunted graveyard of their love. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: This is my solo. [stereo plays Andy imitating bass guitar, a cappella starts singing 'You Can Call Me Al'] Pam: I'm confused. Am I walking down the aisle to 'You Can Call Me Al?' Andy: Trust me. You will not be walking. You will be boogie-ing. Jim: I am extremely interested. So, how much will all of this cost? Andy: Well, 12 guys, airfare, three nights in a hotel, food per diem, table up front for merch... $9,000. Pam: I don't know. It seems like a lot for an a cappella group from a college we never went to. Andy: Did you even hear the music I just played for you? Pam: Mm-hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: What's wrong with you? Dwight: These sleeves are cutting off my circulation. Not enough blood getting to my hands. Phyllis: I think you look nice. Dwight: Doesn't Charles know he's compromising my attack readiness? It's not a dress code. It's a death sentence. Charles: Looking good. Dwight: 'Kay, thank you. It's a straight jacket! [knocks things off shelf with arms] Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: When Michael was in charge, this place was like the Roman Empire. And the Wild West. And war-torn Poland. And Poland. There was just a lot going on, so what you wore to work was the least of anybody's worries. And in that chaos, I soared. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey. Dwight: Hey. Ed's Tires is thinking of making a change. Michael: [gestures to 'Bed & Breakfast' magazine] Is this good? Dwight: They have some great kitchen ideas. Michael: Oh. Okay. Ed's Tires, huh? Dwight: It's small, I know. Michael: I really appreciate it. Dwight: Thanks, Michael. [Michael palms Dwight cash in their handshake] Wait, what is this? Michael: It's for your trouble. Dwight: Wh- I don't need $6 to help a friend. Michael: No, no, listen, as a friend, I want you to have this. Dwight: Michael, you know I can't take this. Michael: Yes, I do. Dwight: But don't forget you owe me $10. Michael: That was four years ago. Why don't you let it go? Dwight: Michael. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: What was up with Pam being all pushy and negative in there? Jim: I think she just didn't want a crucifix cake. Andy: It scares me to see you going down a road that I went down. Jim: Am I going down a road? Andy: When I see her bossing you around like that, it just makes me wonder if this thing really has the legs to go the distance. Jim: It's so scary how right the things you're saying are. And you're coming at it with almost no knowledge, so of course I trust your opinion on this. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I know a few things about love. Horrible, terrible, awful, awful things. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I was going to use today to purge my inbox, but now something much more pressing has come up. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Ed's Tires. Why don't you tell them that we have fewer clients, so we can spend more time with each of them. Also, try to discuss it over Indian food, and try to mention how you distrust women. Pam: I'm not gonna do that. Michael: That is smart. That would not seem genuine. Ryan? Ryan: I can get there. Michael: Good, you take the lead on this one. Also, do not forget that he has just gone through a messy divorce. Ryan: Oh, awesome. Michael: Bring it in. Morning cheer. [clears throat] Michael, Pam & Ryan: U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi! You ugly, huh huh, you ugly! You mama says you ugly! Hey! Go Michael Scott Paper Company! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I'm here. I'm a part of this now. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: You needed to speak to me? Charles: Dwight, take a seat. Dwight: I prefer to stand. Less blood clots. Charles: Nah, that's weird. You're gonna sit. [Dwight sits] Great. You know, Dwight, it has been quite a transition for all of us. Are you happy with the way things have been runnin' lately? Dwight: Do you mean compared to the ways things ran with other bosses? Comparisons are hard. Charles: I've just been impressed with your performance and I wanted to make sure good work doesn't go unnoticed. Dwight: Your concern is noted. Charles: Yeah, I like your work ethic. You're so... focused. Dwight: Like a wolf. Thank you. Charles: And I wanna start givin' you more responsibility. What do you say you and I go out for a drink this week? Dwight: Really? Charles: Definitely. Dwight: [sighs] It's firm. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [on phone] I need you to get me the prices that you're charging Ed's tires so I can undercut Dunder Mifflin. Dwight: I don't know that I can do that now. You know, uh, something's come up. Michael: Oh n- Is it Mose? Did you put the cover on that well? Dwight: No, Mose is fine. I roped it off. It's not about Mose. Listen, things are changing here, Michael, they're changing fast. Michael: I'm not following you. Dwight: Imagine... Someone has a personal hero they really wanna help. But then there's this new guy. Very cool, very Will Smith-esque, who would not like it if he helped his hero. Michael: Personal hero, cool new guy. Okay, I think I'm getting your drift. Dwight: Good, do you see what I'm saying? Michael: Crystal clear. So is this for a movie that you're writing? Dwight: No. Michael: Can I use it? [Pam holds up note saying "He's talking about you!"] Dwight: No. Michael: [Michael dismisses note, Ryan and Pam point to notepad] Dwight, are you talking about us? Dwight: It is possible that I could be talking about us. Michael: Someone could say that it is like the situation that we are in now? Dwight: It is the situation that we are in now. Michael: So I would say that the old boss has always been good to Dwight, and he was there first, so he has dibs. You respect dibs, don't you? Dwight: I'm not a barbarian. Michael: Good. Will you meet me in 20 minutes at the spot? Dwight: I will. Michael: Dwight? Dwight: Yes? Michael: Is the cool new guy Charles? Dwight: I've said too much. Michael: Is it Stanley? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey, Andy. You know I've been thinkin about what you said- Andy: 'Noishe.' Jim: -I just don't know if I can do it. Andy: That's interesting, because I hear what you're saying is that you want to do it, which means you can do it. Believe me, I broke up with Angela, and I'm like, the happiest guy ever. I mean, I'm so happy. I'm so happy. Like, total freedom, you know? Jim: It's just that Pam gets me through the day, you know? I really rely on her. I'm pretty emotionally needy. Andy: And you know what? I am here for you. Let me be your traveling pants. [imitates punching on Jim's fist] Ah, what'd you do that for? Jim: [both laugh] You know that I was doin' this. Andy: [fist pound each other] Totally. Jim: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hello, Dwight. What's with the shirt? Are you alright? Dwight: I'm sorry, Michael Charles: [Charles comes from around corner] Hi, Michael. Michael: Oh my God! Run! Run! It's a setup. Setup! Charles: No, Mich-Michael. Michael: Dwight, run! Charles: Michael, no, let's be cool, ok? Michael: You be cool. Charles: Yes. Michael: Just-what's going on? Charles: We need to talk about our two companies, and how we should behave. Dwight tells me you've been pestering him for company info. Michael: Mm-do... Dwight would not- Charles: He did. Dwight: I did, Michael. I was upset about the shirt sleeves at first, but now I'm okay with it. Charles: Michael, I want you to stop pestering my salesmen, and I want you to leave Dunder Mifflin alone. Do you understand? Michael: I. Understand. Nothing. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [Michael storms into office] Wow. Pam: Michael, are you alright? Michael: It was a setup. Dwight told Charles. He told him. Pam: Tell us what you're talking about. Ryan: Yeah. Michael: It's like, a girl says she'll make out with you, but then her boyfriend is waiting around the corner with a pee-filled balloon. Pam: We can't help you if you don't just tell us what happened. Michael: I got hit in the face with a pee-filled water balloon, Pam, ok? I don't know how they did it. They filled the balloon with pee. A funnel? I don't know. Is that clear enough for you? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Hey, Jim. Jim: [Jim slams lunchbag on table] I just totally blew a sales call. Andy: Bro, I do that all the time. Jim: Yeah, well, with you it's different, okay? Cause I just- I just suck. I just- I suck! Andy: Tuna, be nice to my friend Jim, ok? Jim: Why? When I look in the mirror, I don't like the face that looks back. Andy: Well, so what? Your body's a ten. Jim: Forget it. Andy: Jim. Jim: I said forget it. [drop kicks lunch across room, stomps on it] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [on phone] Dwight Schrute. Michael: Hello, traitor. Dwight: I think you have the wrong number, Michael. Michael: I want you to listen to me, friend, and I want you to listen to me good. I am going to come at you, and I am going to come at you hard. I am going to steal all of your clients, and then I am going to kill them in front of you. Pam: Michael! Michael: I'm just getting hardcore with him. Ryan: Finally. Michael: Yes, and hear me, Dwight, when I say I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. [hangs up] Bill Cosby. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [on phone] Mr. Schofield, please? Secretary: He's in a meeting. Dwight: Dammit! [hangs up] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [on phone] Is Mr. Schofield there? Automated phone voice: If you'd like to reach an outside line, please dial nine first. [Michael sighs, hangs up phone] [SCENE_BREAK] Stanley: So, you think Michael's going after the whale, huh? Dwight: I have a long term relationship with Harper Collins publishers and Mr. Schofield. I'm not worried. Phyllis: You sound worried. Dwight: And you have bad skin. Oh, look everyone, we're all making observations! [gibberish sounds] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [on phone] Well, if you could do me a big favor and tell Mr. Schofield that Michael Scott has tickets to the Wilkes-Barre Penguins game this weekend, and if he would like to join me... Hello, Daniel. How are you? Uh-huh. I sure do. Yes. [referencing rolodex card] Wanted to ask, did Kathy ever make JV? Ryan: Look at that old dude and his rolodex go. Pam: I spent a month putting that rolodex on his Blackberry, which he now uses as a nightlight. Michael: Wow. High score? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: And no, I cannot lower my current prices. [phone rings] Hold on. Hello? Mr. Schofield, thank you so much for taking the time to talk. I wanted to discuss your contract with us- oh, you're considering him. I thought Michael Scott left the paper business after his nervous breakdown. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Michael has been talking to my biggest client. Master and apprentice pitted against one another for the fate of the greater Scranton area paper market. So it's not exactly like 'Highlander,' but still... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hello, Dwight, I've been expecting your call. What do you want? Dwight: I would like to arrange a truce. Michael: So you heard Schofield is considering a switch, and you want mercy? Dwight: Meet me in our spot in four minutes. Michael: No. No. You think I am going to fall for that? There's no- Dwight: Michael. Michael: Meet- Ok, go to the spot and then walk 100 feet. Dwight: In which direction? Michael: Toward the sun. Dwight: At what time? Michael: Noon. Dwight: That- Michael: You have two seconds. [Dwight starts running] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [looking at his watch] Michael. [Madge walks by] Sorry. Michael: Dwight. Dwight: Michael. Michael: I hope you're not recording this conversation. [Dwight drops his pants and lifts up his shirt] Good. I cannot believe that you sided with Charles. Dwight: You were making me do things that were not all right. Michael: So you just rat me out? You could have said no. Dwight: And not come through for you? Michael: If you want a truce, I will give you a truce. Dwight: I want a truce. Michael: I do too. Dwight: Let me take you and your whole company out for lunch at Alfredo's. Michael: Cooper's. Dwight: I had fish yesterday. Michael: Damn it. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [Michael, Ryan and Pam sitting at restaurant, phone rings] Oh. Dwight-elicious. Where you at? Dwight: Oh, hi, Michael. I'm so sorry I'm late. I got stuck in traffic. Michael: Really? That's weird. We didn't see any. Dwight: I hit a bear. Michael: What? Dwight: He's technically fine. I imagine the true horror will be when he wakes up in a zoo. [throws a fish into the vent at Michael's office] Hey, listen, will you do me a favor and order the meatball parm for me, with extra cheese? Michael: Yeah, sure. Dwight: Ok, I will see you very soon, alright? [takes all the items off Michael's desk and puts them into briefcase, including rolodex] Michael: Okay, see you in a bit. Dwight hit a bear. He'll be here in a sec. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [Pam, Ryan and Michael enter office] Sounds neat. Ryan: We can spend a couple days there. Pam: Oh my God, I think we've been robbed! Michael: [Michael answers phone] Yeah. Dwight: Did you enjoy your lunch? Michael: Dwight, not now, we've been robbed. Dwight: No, Michael, you were sabotaged. Michael: No, Dwight, we were robbed. How would you even know? You're still stuck in traffic. [Pam holds up sign saying "Dwight did it!!"] You? Dwight: Me. Michael: What about our truce? Dwight: I broke it. Michael: On purpose? Dwight: Yes. Michael: Why? Dwight: You think this is some kind of game? No, this is a war, and I will not stop, I will not rest. You have no idea what kind of enemy you've created. You have unleashed the wolf! Michael: Be that as it may, I have your meatball parm sandwich here, and I am going to eat it. Dwight: And I knew that you would do that. The meatball parm is their worst sandwich! Michael: Oh. [bites into sandwich, looks disgusted] b*st*rd! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Hi there. Dwight Schrute here. I was just calling to see if Michael Scott Paper was meeting all of your paper needs, and how is [reading off rolodex card] Brenda, age four, ponytail, and Simon, age 7? Oh, you don't say. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [holding up rolodex card] Schrute comma Dwight. And on the back he wrote, "great salesman, better friend." [turns card over] "Tall" and "beets." [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: And say hello to Cheri, who is your black wife. [hangs up and answers cell phone] I see you're begging for mercy, huh? Well, you will find none here. Michael: Dwight, do you mind if we talk? Dwight: Sure. That'd be fine. Michael: If you keep coming after us, the Michael Scott Paper Company cannot succeed. Dwight: This is war and that is what happens. Michael: Oh, one more thing. I'm going to have you listen while I steal your biggest client. Dwight: Oh, no. No. No. No. No. Michael: Oh, uh oh, I'm turning you down right now. Dwight: Michael! Michael! Michael: You can hear me, but I can't hear you. Secretary: Mr. Schofield's ready to see you now, Mr. Scott. Michael: Oh, great. Mr. Schofield's ready to see me. Thank you so much. Dwight: Don't let him in! He's a traitor! Michael! Michael: Walking in the door... Mr. Schofield: Michael, good to see you. Michael: Mr. Schofield, good to see you. And I'm closing the door. [Dwight runs out of the office] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [on speakerphone in Dwight's car] Now, when Dwight tells you that he will keep prices steady for a year, I think he is speaking out of turn. Mr. Schofield: Really? Michael: Yes. He does not have the authority to say that. I, on the other hand, am the president, the owner, and the founder. It is like you are buying software from Bill Gates. Dwight: Are you saying you invented paper? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [hugging a crying Jim] Okay, okay. Jim: Oh, God. Andy: Okay, Tuna. Kelly: Hey, guys. Jim: Hey. Andy: Hello. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Excuse me, can I have your attention, everyone? Here's the deal, everybody, Jim Halpert is very upset and disturbed. I don't know if it was something you did, something you said, a look you gave him, maybe it was nothing at all, but here's the deal, ok? It stops now. Kevin: I guess I could be nicer. Phyllis: Andy, I think Jim is messing with you. Andy: Oh, really? Phyllis: Mm-hmm. [looks over to Jim smiling through windows to the kitchen] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Okay. Andy: Yeah, okay, what the heck is happennin' here? Jim: Two things I need you to understand. One, Pam and I are very happy together. Andy: Uh, that's not what was- Jim: And two, that stuff that happened with you and Angela is a bummer, and I know you don't think you're ever gonna find someone else, but you will. I promise you, you will. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Oh man, he got me so good. I learned something about myself today. Yeah. I wish this was a sofa, cause I feel like I could sit here and talk for hours. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: What is that thing that Dwight always says? Paper is the soil in which the seeds of business grow? Dwight: It's not the soil! It's the manure! Paper is the manure! On-time delivery is the soil! Aah! [runs into office] Secretary: Uh, hello, Dwight. Dwight: Spin move. Secretary: Oh- Dwight: Ha ha! April 13th, 2002. Mr. Schofield: Dwight, I'm in a meeting. Michael: That's very rude. Dwight: I barge because I care. April 13th, 2002, that is the date when you tried to switch paper providers for an obscure sociology textbook, but were hung out to dry when the price of glossy stock increased. Mr. Schofield: Maybe we should schedule a meeting on our- Dwight: La la la! Continuing. Notice my persistence and recall. Continuing! You called Dunder Mifflin, and your order was filled within an hour! Michael: I'm going to pull a date out of the air right now. April 13th, 2002. That is the last day that you evaluated your paper needs. Is it not? We all know that the economy is bad, and bloated companies like Dunder Mifflin... Dwight: Come on. Michael: Are going to fall by the wayside. Two of their branches have closed within the last year. The Michael Scott Paper Company, however, has opened a new branch this very month. Dwight: What he's not telling you is that he will abandon you. Mr. Schofield: Why don't you guys just e-mail me your best offers and we can finish it up that way? Michael: That sounds like a fantastic idea. I will see you this weekend for the Penguins. Box seats as usual. Mr. Schofield: Uh, ok, sure. Michael: Good, good, good. I will see you. Dwight: Thank you, Mr. Schofield, for your time. Much appreciated. Oh, and tell me, um, how's your gay son? Mr. Schofield: Excuse me? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I color code all my info. I wrote "gay son" in green. Green means go, so I know to go ahead and shut up about it. Orange means "Orange you glad you didn't bring it up?" Most colors mean "Don't say it." [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: How is Tom, the homosexual sophomore? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I wanted to start a company, not a war. Because in a war, you always fight those you are closest to. And the great tragedy of the civil war is that brother fought against brother. For what? What purpose did that serve? Apart from abolishing slavery? In that case, war was the right choice. This doesn't feel as important though. That's just how the world works, I guess. [SCENE_BREAK] [muffled speech, Ryan, Michael, and Pam all have mouths stuffed with cheese puffs, Michael answers the phone and talks with mouth full]

Dwight, finding a new hero in Charles, clashes with Michael as each tries to steal the other's clients. After trying to sell Jim and Pam on his failed wedding plans, Andy tries to provide for all of Jim's emotional needs. Jim takes the opportunity to prank Andy, but also reassures him he will find love again. Michael ends up stealing Dwight's biggest client.

fd_The_Office_04x09

fd_The_Office_04x09_0

Michael: Yeah! Everything! Oh it's all good, it's all good. Phyllis! Phyllis: Dancing babies! Michael: Dancing babies! I love it! I love it! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: We are making a commercial for Dunder Mifflin today. Our first ad ever. Corporate purchased some air time in local markets to spread the word about Dunder Mifflin Infinity and they are even sending up a professional ad company to help us make it later so... it's uh, not too shabby. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Best ad ever. [sings in the tune of the "Kit Kat theme song"] Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that... I am totally blanking. What is the thing? Jim: Nobody tell him! Andy: What? No, why? Jim: You got it, you're so close! Andy: [singing] Break me off a piece of that... huh huh huh... br- applesauce. Jim: Break me off a piece of that applesauce, I don't think... Andy: Break me off a piece of that Chrysler car. Jim: Nope. Andy: Football cream. Grr! Michael: Okay, it's football cream. It's football cream. Alright! So, anybody else? Pam: I'm taking a computer animation class so I could try to do a logo. Michael: Look at that. Even the receptionist is getting in on the creativity. Very good, very good. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hello hello! Ad guy 1: Hey, how ya doin'? Michael: Michael Scott. Ad guy 2: Hey, Michael. Michael: Regional manager. Ad guy 2: Hey Michael, nice to meet you Michael: Excited to talk ideas. Ad guy 1: Let's do it, man. Michael: You know, I want this to be cutting edge. I want it to be fast, quick cuts, you know, youthful, sort of a MTV on crack kind of thing. Ad guy 1: That sounds great. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: All right, good, well this is what we have to work with. Michael: I would like you to meet Andrew Bernard. The 'Nard Dog. Who let the 'Nard Dog out? Andy: Hoo hoo hoo-hoo! Michael: He gives the best back rubs in the office. Andy: It's true, I give a mean backrub. I also do good aromatherapy [makes farting noise]. Not! You just got 'Nard dogged! Michael: Now this gentleman right here is the key to our urban vibe. Stanley: Urban? I grew up in a small town. What about me seems urban to you? Michael: Stanley is hilarious. Phyllis is like our Mrs. Butterworth. Kind of a less urban Aunt Jemima. Michael: These are our accountants. And as you can see they are very different sizes. What you might want to do is kind of a Papa Bear, Mama Bear, Baby Bear thing. That might be kind of fun. Kevin: [looking at Oscar] Mama Bear! Michael: Who else? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I think it's great that the company's making a commercial because not very many people have heard of us. I mean, when I tell people that I work at Dunder Mifflin, they think that we sell mufflers, or muffins, or mittens, or... And frankly all of those sound better than paper, so I let it slide. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: You playing that game again? Dwight: Second Life is not a game. It is a multi-user virtual environment. It doesn't have points or scores, it doesn't have winners or losers. Jim: Oh it has losers. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then my life was so great that I literally wanted a second one. In my Second Life I was also a paper salesman and I was also named Dwight. Absolutely everything was the same. Except I could fly. [shot of Dwight's avatar flying around] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [reading off piece of paper] Little girl in a field holding a flower, we zoom back to find that she's in the desert and the field is an oasis. Zoom back further the desert is a sandbox in the world's largest resort hotel. Zoom back further the hotel is actually the playground for the world's largest prison. But we zoom back further--- Ad guy 1: Okay I can tell that your time is valuable--- Michael: Actually I don't get paid by the hour anymore, but thank you, I get paid by the year, so... Ad guy 1: That all sounds really, really ambitious. Michael: Yeah, I know. Ad guy 1: Why don't we show you what we did with the Nashua branch? Michael: Mmm. Okay. [commercial plays on laptop, peppy music in background] Michael: That's what Nassau came up with? That sucks! [chuckles] Whoa. Ad guy 1: That's what we came up with. Michael: Well we can do better than that. Ad guy 2: Well the main part of the ad has to stay the same, actually. Ad guy 1: Yeah, it's the last five seconds where we have some leeway. Michael: The waving? Ad guy 1: Well, no, no. You don't have to be waving. That was just what they did. You guys can be clapping. Sitting. Standing outside, inside, whatever. This is where you really get to be creative. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I need some advice. I've been spending a lot of time making out with Angela lately. But we've been necking, but only necking. Right? Not actually kissing, our mouths, just the neck on neck. It's just like rubbing slash nuzzling our necks together. It's hot, I'm not going to lie to you , but it's a little weird, but you seem like a guy with answers, so how do I fast track this to get to first base? Dwight: We cannot talk about this... because, someone might hear us. Andy: We'll use code names. Dwight: Angela can stay the same, but we'll change Andy to Dwight. Andy: That's not different enough. Dwight: Dwike? [SCENE_BREAK] Receptionist: You have a call from Eddie Murphy. Ryan: Hello? Michael: [on speakerphone, Eddie Murphy voice] Shrek! Shrek, I'm a donkey! I'm a donkey, Shrek! [laughing] I'm just kidding. It's me. Hello Ry. Ryan: What? Michael: Okay, calm down. I have a small problem. Ryan: I told you not to call about small problems. Michael: Yeah, well when I call about big problems you don't like that either, so make up you mind, kiddo. Here is the deal, the ad guys that you sent are locking me in a creative box, and sort of ignoring my ideas. Ryan: That's good. They're creative, you're not. Michael: I'm creative, Ryan. Ryan: It's not part of your job, it's like, maybe you can cook but it doesn't mean you should start a restaurant. Michael: Well actually I can't cook, and I am starting a restaurant. Mike's Cereal Shack. I'm thinking we'll have as many varieties as you can buy in the store. Ryan: Okay, I'm not really interested in that right now. I'm delegating creativity to creative professionals. It's a different skills set. Look, I wasn't good at sales, right? Michael: Yeah! Ryan: But I'm good at managing people who do sales . Michael: Are you? I don't think you're doing such a good job here, suppressing ideas and creativity. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: All right, let me ask you this, tell me if you think this is creative. When I was five, I imagined that there was such a thing as a unicorn. And this is before I had even heard of one, or seen one. I just drew a picture of a horse that could fly over rainbows, and had a huge spike in its head. And I was five, five years old. Couldn't even talk yet. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Hey guys, um, you know what, we cannot shoot this ad today. Ad guy 2: Okay, when should we come back? Michael: How about never hundred hours, sir. Ad guy 2: We were sent here to help out. Ad guy 1: Okay I'm not going to argue with this guy. Let's go. Good luck dude. Michael: Hey thanks. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] David Wallace: [on phone] Michael, David Wallace. What is this about dismissing the ad people? Michael: Yeah, I'm glad you called. Ryan is being a little bitch again. Ryan: I'm on Michael. Michael: What's up my brotha? Listen, David, I would like to do this ad in house. I want to use only the creativity that we have right here in the office. And I will send it to you tomorrow morning, take a look at it, and if you do not think that it's ready to air, send the ad agency back down here, and we'll do it on my dime. David Wallace: This is weird. Michael: I'm willing to stake my entire reputation on it. David Wallace: Okay, I'll see it tomorrow. Michael: Okay. [hangs up phone] And thus, Michael Scott sealed his own destiny. In a good way. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Has anyone ever come up to you and said, "You're not creative"? Dwight: Yes. Michael: Well they're wrong. You are creative. You are damn creative. Each and every one of you. You are so much more creative than all of the other dry, boring morons that you work with. Jim: Who are you talking to, specifically? [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: I kind of know what it's like to be in commercials. My nickname in high school used to be Kool-Aid Man. [makes squinty face] [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: When I was younger I always wanted to be an actor in commercials. Then I realized I had a brain. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: I'm excited about doing the ad, but I'm not really used to doing videos with so many people around. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: We have three scenes to film, big scenes. We have a song to write. So let's get cracking. Kelly, I want you to do makeup. Oscar, I would like you to do costume design, obviously. Phyllis, I'd like you look around town and see if we have any celebrities in our local area. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: [gasps] Sue Grafton is at the Steamtown Mall. She's doing a book signing right now. Michael: Okay, okay, Phyllis this is what I want you to do. I want you to go down to the mall. I want you to get in line. I want you to get her to be in this commercial. This would be a huge coupe people. All right? Do not take no for an answer. Phyllis: Okay. Andy: Does anyone actually know what Sue Grafton looks like? I mean, is she hot or-? Creed: She's crazy hot. Andy: Well then maybe we should just use Angela and say she's Sue Grafton. Would anyone notice? Angela: That's not happening. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: I find the mystery genre disgusting. I hate being titillated. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: Bye everyone. Michael: Line it up Phyllis. Creed: Get her Phyll. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: [singing] Out of paper, out of stock, there's friendly faces around the block, break loose from the chains that are causing your pain. Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly, Darryl: Call Michael or Stanley, Jim, Dwight or Creed. Call Andy and Kelly for your business paper needs. Darryl: Dunder Mifflin. Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly: The people person's paper people. Darryl: Dunder Mifflin. Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly: The people person's paper people. Michael: Time out, time out, time out, time out, time out. I thought... I was under the impression that this was going to be a rap. Darryl: What's rap? Michael: Okay, Darryl, wow, you need to learn a lot about your own culture. I'll make you a mix. Darryl: Great. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: News flash. I got some juicy updates on Operation Fallen Angel. Remind me to tell you later. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey. Pam: No talk, I'm animating. Jim: Why don't we take a quick ten second break from that so I can show you what's going on here. [pulls up Dwight's game] Okay, this is Dwight's Second Life. He's on it all the time. So much so that his little guy here has created his own world. It's called Second Second Life, for those people who want to be removed even further from reality. Pam: Are you serious? Jim: Yeah. Pam: Oh my God, he's really in pain. Jim: [sighs] Pam: Who's that? Jim: Oh, it's just my avatar guy. Whatever. Pam: He looks a lot like you. How much time did you spend on that? Jim: Not much, it's just for tracking Dwight so--- Pam: Right... you're a sports writer in Philadelphia? Nice build too. Jim: Yep. Pam: You have a guitar slung on your back. I did not know you played guitar. Jim: I... why don't we go back to this animation. Pam: No no no, I want to see more of Philly Jim. I want Philly Jim. Jim: Ah, show me how this works. Pam: Oh boy. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: [singing in different tune] Out of paper, out of stock, there's friendly faces around the block, break loose from the chains that are causing your pain. Call Michael, Stanley, Jim, Dwight or Creed. Call Andy and Kelly for your business paper needs. Call Dunder Mifflin. Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly: The people person's paper people. Darryl: Dunder Mifflin. Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly: The people person's paper people. Michael: Stop. Stop stop stop stop stop stop. This is not me. This is not my music. Darryl: You're right, it's better than you! It's us! [sings] Dunder Mifflin. Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly: The people person's paper people. Michael: No, I hate it! I hate it! ...I don't hate it, I just don't like it at all. And it's terrible. Darryl: You're on your own, Mike. [gets up and starts to walk away] Michael: Okay, you know what. Hold on, hold on Darryl. Darryl: You just said you hated it. Michael: No. I said I hate the, the style. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [singing] Break me off a piece of that lumber tar. Snickers bar. Michael: Okay, wow. Wow, this looks uh, terrible. Andy: Break me off a piece of that Grey Poupon. Michael: Andy, Andy, this is a pivotal scene in the ad. And if we don't get this, if we don't nail it, we're going to lose the whole triumph of the moment. The triumph of the will. Now, God, what? What Phyllis? Phyllis: [crying] Well, I got in line to buy Sue Grafton's book and when it came to my turn I asked if she wanted to be in the ad and she said no thank you, but I wasn't supposed to take no for an answer. Michael: That'a girl. Phyllis: So I kept on asking and they finally threw me out of the store in front of all my friends. Michael: Did you, or did you not get Sue Grafton? Phyllis: [sobbing] No. Michael: Ugh, can somebody give her a tissue please? [Kevin hands her piece of tape] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I hope you're not killing yourself on this, because I'm sure it's good enough for Michael's ad that will probably be seen by no one. Pam: Maybe, but it's not good enough for me yet. Jim: Okay. Do you want me to stay? Pam: No no, you can go home. I'm good. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Pam is staying late tonight to uh, achieve her dreams. So I'm pretty proud of her, unfortunately she was my ride home. Meredith: You comin'? Jim: I, ah... Meredith: Piss or get off the pot! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Jim: Good morning. [Pam sees breakfast sitting on her desk] Yeah I'm sorry, I looked away for a second and Creed snatched your hash browns. Pam: Thank you. Jim: You're welcome. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I worked until about 2:45 AM. And then I had to decide if I wanted to spend the night with Michael editing in his office, and Dwight watching Michael edit in his office, or drive home and probably fall asleep at the wheel and die in a fiery car wreck. I passed out on my keyboard trying to decide. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Let me pour you some bubbly because somebody got to a whole new level last night. Dwight: Andy, I can't hear this right now. Andy: No, no no no, this is good. You know how we haven't really gotten anywhere that I want to get to physically yet? Well, last night, that changed. We're makin' out, I'm kissin' her neck, and cheek and her ear lobe, and she's not really kissing me back. But she closes her eyes and she's like, "Oh D, oh D." Dwight: She called you D? Andy: Yeah. D for Andy. Dwight: Oh D. Andy: Oh D. Dwight: [whispers] Oh D. Andy: Oh D! Both: Ohhhhhh D! [laughing] Ohhhh D! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I'm about to send the ad to corporate... and it is sent. They'll probably watch it right away. I know I would. Okay. [dials phone] Pam: [on phone] Yes? Michael: Pam, please clear my phone lines. Pam: Certainly. [makes beeping noises] Okay, clear. Michael: They could call at any second now. [sighs] Oh God...I better call. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [Ten days later] Well, it's been tough. The uh, geniuses at corporate rejected my commercial and tonight they are airing the brain dead version. So welcome one and all to the world premiere of Corporate Crapfest! [SCENE_BREAK] Everyone: [watching ad] Oh! [clapping and cheering] Bartender: Hey it seemed like a big hit. Michael: No, it was stupid. People like waving, waving sells. It's not art. Yet we made our ad, the real one was full of humor, and full of depth, and full heart and it was real. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey, could you do me a favor? Could you put that in the DVD player? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey everybody! Just want to welcome you all to the premiere of the real Dunder Mifflin commercial, the Michael Scott director's cut. Hope you like it. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael's Ad: [Chariots of Fire theme plays] It all starts with an idea. But you can never tell where an idea will end up. [people passing a Corporate Memo around to each other] Because ideas spread, they change, grow. They connect us with the world. [Kelly catches paper airplane that says "I love you"] And in a fast moving world, where good news moves at the speed of time [newspaper with Andy saying "Hometown Boy Wins Race"], and bad news isn't always what it seems. [Dwight hands Phyllis paper that says "You have a son, and it's me"] Because when push comes to shove we all deserve a second chance. [Stanley finds paper that says "Turn your life around. Now hiring at Dunder Mifflin"] To score. [Jim throws paper in basket, Michael retrieves it; it says "World's Most Creative Boss"] Dunder Mifflin. Limitless paper in a paperless world. [SCENE_BREAK] Everyone: [claps and cheer] Jim: Animation? All her by the way. [points at Pam] Bartender: Really? Jim: I just thought you should--- Bartender: The animation was cool. Pam: Thanks. Bartender: Hey listen, you ever been on a motorcycle? Jim: Ahh. [puts his arm around Pam] [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Michael, that was fun. Michael: That was fun. Next round of drinks is on me, people! [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [singing] Claude Van Damme, Hair for Men, poison gas, NutraSweet. [speaking] It's gotta rhyme with "piece." Fancy Feast! [sings] Break me off a piece of that Fancy Feast! It's the cat food. Nailed it.

Although informed that he and his employees can only be in the Dunder Mifflin Infinity commercial for a few seconds, Michael decides to produce a full commercial with the Scranton staff. Meanwhile, the progression of Andy and Angela's relationship forces Dwight to sink into a depression, where he attempts to remove himself from his life by playing Second Life . Although rebuffed by the corporate office, Michael's rejected version of the Scranton commercial is well received by both the employees as well as other bar patrons at Poor Richard's.

fd_The_L_Word_06x02

fd_The_L_Word_06x02_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Nikki is with a girl. She's pissed off after Jenny who threw her away. The girl: Baby, don't be sad. It's so boring. Nikki: Get off of me! Who the hell does she think she is?! She called me, she wanted me! And then she goes all Paris and Britney on me just like: "Oh, I never liked you and it was a showmance!" Can you believe that? She f*cks me all night long and then she has the nerve to say that's a showmance! I mean, I don't even know what the f*ck that is! An other girl: I'm googling. Oh, it's, uh...Oh, it's, uh..."Phony romance that happens during a movie or a TV show" "usually between two stars, but it can" "also be between a star and"... Nikki: You know what? I got it, alright? Do you know how many times has she said that she loved me? She's officially a liar and I officially hate her! You know what? f*ck her, alright?! I got over 16 million on my opening week end and she can't even get in at the premiere of my next movie. She payed someone. The first girl: God! Makes wonder who broke her heart. I can't believe she told you it wasn't you. That was so harsh! You must feel horrible. Nikki: You know what? You are out of my 5! The girl: Nikki, you're my best friend! Nikki: No, get out! Right now! Get out! Everyone, get out! Everyone! You know? You and you, and you, get out! Get out! Now! Move! Jenny Schecter is a liar and a user. And trust me, you are not gonna get away with this. You are dead meat, Schecter. Dead. Credits. At the Hit Club. Helena: And this is where we're gonna put the new DJ booth. So, if you need anything, just let us know. We'll get you all the right equipment. The drag-queen: Oh, I'll send you a list. I love these colors. Kit: We love them too. Helena: We got morroconess out of "Casablanca" theme. Kit: It's our favorite film. The drag-queen: Oh, say no more. I love... Kit: So, what do we have to do to get the fabulous Sunset Boulevard to come and spin at Hit? The drag-queen: Just keeping the fabulous Kit Porter. You know you're my ultimate R&B goddess? Kit: Oh, I don't know about the ultimate. Ooh, somebody's been working out! Not that we're the type... you know, we're, uh...We've both swore off men. Helena: Ages of it. The drag-queen: Good for you. You two got a good thing going here. You don't need some man in here messin' it up. Kit: Okay, let me show you all of the textures and plans. At the Planet Alice: Oh, I'm vanilla and fruit. Tasha: Breakfeast burrito. Thanks. Jenny: Excuse me. I didn't order that. Waitress: Oh, they're from her. Kit: Jenny, Shane wants you to know that she made them especially for you. Jenny: Excuse me, Alice? Do you mind just mentionning to Shane that I don't want her waffles? Alice: She doesn't want your waffles. Tina: How much do you love the New Valley service? Bette: Oh, my God, Helena's taking this place to a whole new level. Jenny comes with the waffles. Tina: Oh, and waffles! Look! I know that I love waffles. I'm getting waffles. She throws it away. Bette: Or not. Kit: Haven't you heard that there are people starving in this world? Jenny: I'm sure they don't want waffles, Kit. Bette and Tina: Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Bette: sh1t! Okay, that's one to one. Bette and Tina: Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Bette: f*ck! I always loose. Tina: 'Cause you're always rock. Always. Bette: Is that what it is? Have fun with the martyrs. Tina: Have fun with the cheaters. Tina: Wow, everyone's so industrial. What are you doing? Tasha: Learning. Jenny: I'm writing my new treatment. Tina: What are you writing, Alice? Alice: A treatment. Jenny: A treatment for a film? Alice: I just... I had this kinda killer idea so I thought I'll just write a great screenplay and then sell it for millions and buy a house in Malibu? Tasha: I don't like Malibu. Alice: You've never been to Malibu. Tasha: I have been there. Tina: I didn't know you wanted to be a screenwriter. Alice: Well, I mean, you know, I never really did. Really, but I thought how hard can it be? Right? Jenny? I mean, it's like, you get paid big time. Jenny: Well, if you, if you actually, Alice, if you would to amortize the payment of the 17 drafts that I did on "Lez Girls", you'll see that you actually don't get paid very much. So... Bette send a sms to Tina. Bette: Alice is writing a treatment for a script. Hope we're not in it. Shane: Amen to that. Tina: Actually, writing a good screenplay is what's really hard. And Jenny's become a very good screenwriter. Jenny: Thank you, Tina. Tina: You should ask her to read your treatment. Alice: Sure. Sure, sure, sure. Jenny: I would love to give you notes. Tasha: What? I need the carbs for training. Alice: But do you need them that fast? You have them all over your suit. Tina: Wow, you look amazing. Tasha: Thank you. Alice: I dressed her. Do a little spinzy, come on. Tasha: No. Alice: It's her first day at the police academy, so... Tina: Excited? Tasha: Yeah, I am, actually. All my friends had the training, it's really, it's really rough. Alice: I tried to dress her in my morning, but she just thought she looked like a girl. Tasha: It was inappropriate. Alice: You looked so good in that. You know it. You just hate to look good or something. Tasha: What the f*ck is that supposed to mean? Alice: There is like a lack of effort. Bette: (receive a sms) Tell me about fashion. Fashion for... I don't know. Tina: When you guys are gonna go to therapy? Tasha: There is a thing called privacy, Alice. Bette: Privacy. Alice: Well, I see you at Dan Foxworthy's at 6. There's parking on the... Helena: Wow, look at you! You look a million dollars! Alice: f*ck, you know? Bad vibes. You and Shane should work your sh1t out, 'cause this place is becoming like the black hole of Calcutta. Helena: It's good to see we're still asunder; nothing like a little dyke drama to tear the place out. Alice: That's what I'm saying. Bad vibes, man. Jenny: Helena, why don't you come and sit with us? Helena: No, I'm not picking sides, alright? I love you both. Going for a run. Kit: Go Swizerland! Tina: We have some good news. Bette: Yeah, we have good news. Tina: Yeah, good news. Do you wanna tell them? Bette: Why don't you tell them? Tina: Bette and I are registered with three different agencies and they said the chance of us getting a baby within the next six months is really good. Alice, Shane: What?! Jenny: Congratulations. Bette: And we're starting construction on the second storey 'cause we need an other bedroom. Alice: But I thought you guys were talking about selling? Tina: We're staying. Bette: We couldn't sell. Not now. I mean, with the poperty values, plumbing and everything. So... Jenny: When were you gonna tell me about construction? Tina: We're telling you now. We have to. We need a room for the baby. Jenny: How am I supposed to write with all that noise? Tina: I'm sorry, Jenny. We will do our best not to disturb you. But you might wanna get some earplugs. Jenny: I have to get a new roomate. This is gonna be impossible with your racket. Shane: Jenny, please! You don't need a new roomate! You have not spoken to me in a week. Would you just talk to me? I know we can work this out. Jenny: Oh, right. So, you want me to forgive you because you made me waffles? Shane: Well, why wouldn't you? Jenny: Because you create this trail of destruction you don't take any responsibility for it. Why should you be the only one that doesn't pay? Shane: I am paying. Jenny: You are so full of sh1t. Alice: The black hole. At Jenny's home. Max: How you're doing? Tom: Hi, Shane. Max: So you're putting in those flower boxes Jenny wanted, huh? How many more things you're gonna do for her? Shane: I don't know yet. Jenny: There's something wrong with my computer and I wondered if you could fix it. Max: You know what? I can't 'cause I'm going to my final consult today. Shane: Good luck. Max: Thanks. In the studio of the production of LezGirls. We are going to see a picture with a girl and a boy. A men: Alright. Are you ready for this? The productor: Do it. I love it. Love it. A woman: Love it! The men: We thought you would. The woman: "The Girls", it's so f*cking hot. This thing is gonna make "s*x in the city" like a Disney movie. Tina: What's "The Girls"? The movie is called "Lez Girls". "Lez". The productor: I haven't had a chance to talk to Tina about the market research. I'll full you in in a minute. In the meantime, why don't you just give me a briefing on the release. The woman: After the initial two weeks, we'll go wide. We have 2000 screens nation wide and select cities in here. The men: France is gonna eat this up. Tina: No. The productor: No what? Tina: No way. I am not gonna let you get away with this. I'm not gonna let you market this as some bullshit boy meets girl love story! That's not what this is! The woman: It's more than that. It's boy meets girl, boy almost looses girl to girl... The men: But in the end the audience wants love to prevail. That's the winner hear. The new ending tested through the roof. Tina: What? The new...What you mean the new ending tested? When did you have a test screening? The productor: Get on board, Tina. Train's not going to Lezzie town. At Phyllis, Bette and Jodi's work. A woman: This is amazing. Art General uses the correlation about how she uses human emotions like pieces of scrapped metal, words like found materials. A men: It works on so many levels. I mean, here is the Curator who told people their work wasn't worthy. The gallerist who wouldn't show an artist and now the Dean who rejects applications. Jodi: (Tom speaks) Exactly. A woman who has stood in judgment of our art her entire career is now being thrust into the spot light as the art... The woman: It's brilliant. Phyllis: This kind of praise is fantastic for our program. I can guarantee that we're gonna see... Bette: She arrives. We could use the same material throughout and...I can't talk right now. Alright. bye. Bette: Forgive me. I had the contractors on the phone. Do you know we're doing that second storey on the house for the baby... Jodi: Phyllis, would you mind just finishing what you were saying? Phyllis: What I was saying was that based on C.U. associations with Jodi, I wouldn't be surprised if we see a significant increase in applicants this coming semester. Max is seeing the doctor. Max: So one of my goals is to be able to take my shirt off at the beach within a year. That's my goal. Feel my pecs. I've been doing like 200 pushings today. Feel like I'm already bigger. That's awesome. The doctor: Very good. That's very impressive. Max: Yeah, I think I'm doing good with the contour. I just, I hope I grew more chest to cover the scars. The doctor: Well, I think Dr. Stanhouse is gonna try to do the key whole procedure on you? Max: Yeah, I'm hoping so. The doctor: And is your schedule for surgery on wednesday? Max: Yeah, he called me this morning and he said that as soon as he gets the lab reports we're gonna be able to... The doctor: I'm afraid there's a problem. Max: What's the problem? The doctor: You're pregnant. Max: No, I can't, I can't be pregnant. No, I've been taking testosterone. The doctor: Have you had intercourse? Have you and Tom had unprotected s*x? Max: Yeah, but we've been both tested for H.I.V. We've been monogamous. The doctor: If you and Tom have had vaginal s*x. I know you might not call it that, but unfortunately, that doesn't stop it from working the same way. Taking testosterone doesn't shut down the reproductive system. Max: What about my surgery? The doctor: We're gonna have to postpone your surgery. We're gonna have to find out how far along you are and you're gonna have to decide what you wanna do about it. Bette: We'll have your budget done by the end of the week. We cannot afford to have the art department last... again. Thank you. A men: (to Jodi) Can I ask how she responded? Our Dean? How did she respond to the work? Bette: He asks how I responded to your work. Jodi: I don't know. Jodi: How did you like the show? Bette: signs See you in my office. Jodi: But I can't. I have paints. Bette: Can I talk to you, please? Phyllis: Sure, let's go to my office. I hope Preston didn't bother you. He's an old fool with a... for gossip. Bette: It wasn't really about Preston. I mean, the truth is that Jodi's behaviour was completely inappropriate... They enter in the office. Joyce: Baby, when it comes down to it, this is all I have to offer you. And if you can't love this... Phyllis: Joyce! Cover your junk! Joyce: Sorry, Bette. Bette: We reschedule? Phyllis: Joyce, what are you doing? You can't just pop out from behind a plant butt naked. We have rules here. Joyce: I checked first to make sure you didn't have anything. I was acting with my heart. I'm a woman in love. Please, take a lot of. Phyllis Eleonore Victoria Kroll, you are one hell of a woman. While the law in the state of California continues to acknowledge our love, I would like to ask you to take my hand in holy matrimony. Phyllis: I don't know what to say. Joyce: Say yes. Phyllis: How many carats is this? Joyce: Four! Say yes! Phyllis: How much did you spend? This must have cost a fortune. Joyce: I've got a friend who has a friend... Say yes, Phyllis, please. Phyllis: But I said I never wanted to get married again. Joyce: We'll go to San Fransisco, we'll get married on... of City Hall, Gavin said he'd marry us. Phyllis: Gavin Newsom? The mayor of San Fransisco? Joyce: That's right. We raised a lot of money for that guy. Say yes, Phyllis. I'm freezing. Phyllis: Yes. Joyce: Damn, lady! Come here, you! You've made me one happy woman. At the therapy for Alice and Tasha. Dan: Who wants to tell me why you're here? Alice: Oh, we're just here for a tune-up. Dan: Does that seem like an accurate assessment to you, Tasha? Alice: She's the one who called it that. We've just had a couple of little, little things come up lately. Dan: What sorts of little things? Alice: Money, I make a lot more than she does. Dan: How's that make you feel, Tasha? Alice: Resentful. She doesn't want me to spend this much because she can't afford it. Dan: Is that true? Alice: Absolutely. We couldn't even get a bigger appartment because she couldn't share the rent fifty-fifty. And I also think she resents me because I don't clean as much as she does. Dan: Do you? Alice: Oh, look, now she's mad. Is there anything else? Tasha broke up with me last week. Dan: Really? Why did you break up with Alice, Tasha? Alice: Because she thought I cheated when I didn't even kiss the girl. Dan: Did you think about it? Alice: Yeah, but, I mean, she wouldn't have even known if I didn't tell her. So I think that mere fact that I disclosed the information should count to something. Right? Dan: But if you knew Tasha's feelings about the subject of cheating, why did you choose to tell her? I think we're past it. I think what we have to work... Dan: Alice, this is called couples' therapy for a reason. Now, Tasha, this process works much more effectively if you participate. Why do you think Alice told you? Alice: She doesn't even wanna be here. Tasha: I think that she told me because she wanted to break up with me and bringing this woman between us was the easiest way to do that. She knew how I felt, she knew that I would break up with her and when I did, she got scared. That's why we're here. Max goes to a hospital. Receptionist: Can I help you? Max: Uh, yes, I have an appointment? I called in earlier? Hi, I'm Max Sweeney. I have an appointment. Receptionist: For your girlfriend, or... Max: No. It's for me. I need an abortion. People: What did he say? The receptionist: If this is your idea of a joke it's not funny. Max: I'm not joking, alright? I'm pregnant. The receptionist: Sir, if you don't leave now, I'm gonna have to call the security. Max: Look, I'm a F.T.M. transsexual, alright? Yeah, that's right! Take a good look! I'm a man and I'm pregnant. It happens. Don't you read the f*cking tabloids?! Can I have my appointment now, please? Jenny is writing. Jenny: I'm trying to write. Shane is washing Jenny's car with music. Can I have my keys? Alice: I promise to make room in the apartment for your things. Tasha: And um, I promise to try to see things through your point of view. And to not talk to you with so much judgment. And tomorrow when I wake up, for work, I'm gonna make you breakfeast. Alice: I love that! It's good, right? Tasha: Yeah, I know, it's good. Alice: So, um, are you gonna give us more exercizes or...? I mean, maybe some homework. I think we're ready for some homework. Tasha: Yeah. Yeah, I'm ready. Bring in on. Dan: I'm not gonna give you homework. I don't think you two should be in therapy. Tasha: That's what I said. See? Alice: We rock. Dan: You two have so little in common. I really don't think you belong together. They leave. Alice: I mean, what the f*ck? It's like, we spent what, 55 minutes with this guy? Where is he f*cking go off? Tasha: I told you. Therapy's bullshit. Alice: It's bullshit, you're right. Tasha: He knows nothing about what we do and don't have in common. Alice: What the hell is he talking about? We don't have anything in common. Really? Dan? Tasha:I know, it's crazy. Give me my helmet. Alice: I don't know. Tasha:Thank you. Alice: Upsetting. I'll see you tonight? Tasha: Come here. They make love in the car. Tom arrives to the hospital. Tom: Hey, are you okay? Sorry, I couldn't get any sooner. Should you be op already? Max: They wouldn't do it. I'm too far along already. Tom: How far along? Max: Four months. Tom: How did this happen? Max: How the f*ck do you think it happened?! Tom: But, I didn't think you could. You've been... Max: Yeah, I thought if I was seeking testosterone, I couldn't get pregnant, okay? I was wrong. Tom: Why wouldn't your doctor tell you something like that? Max: I don't know. Maybe because she didn't think I was stupid enough to let some faggot f*ck me! Tom: Hey, f*ck you! Don't blame this on me! Max: Who the hell am I supposed to blame, huh? Who the hell has his dick been inside me? Tom: How am I supposed to know? Max: You got me pregnant, you faggot! It was you! Tom: I can't do this, Max. I'm not ready. At Alice's home. Alice: Clear the desk. Tasha: What kind of a list? Alice: Pros and cons list. My mother used to make this all the time to kinda decide whether she's gonna divorce her ex-husbands. Tasha: And that's the model we're gonna follow? Alice: Well, she had very successful divorces. Pro. Tasha: Hold on. Why con gotta be black though? Alice: It's not a race thing. It's just... Red is happy. Red is like pro... Tasha: No, red represents the devil. Alice: Fine. I'm writing down "color weirdness". Tina and Bette visit a gallery. Bette: The work is really good but the show is uneven. Tina: This is, uh... This is weird.I think it's weird. Bette: Hey, someone spent some money, huh? David: Yes, she's spent a small fortune. Bette: Really? God, I would kill to have a piece like this when I have my own gallery. David: Me too. Bette: Do you know who Kelly Wentworth is? John: A rich divorcée. She walked away with 80 million dollars of Dick Wentworth's fortune. Kelly: And decided to spend it on making herself a presence in the art world. Do you like my vanity project? John: It's lovely. Kelly: Thank you. Oh, it was 89 million. Bette Porter? Kelly Wentworth. Bette: Please to meet you. It's really a spectacular space. You've been here a long time? Kelly: You really don't remember me? Bette: Juicy f*cking Freemont?! Jesus! Oh my God! Kelly: I swear to f*cking God, you look better than you did in college. Bitch! Bette: Look at that biatch! The blond looks so good on you. Kelly: Thank you. Look at your body. Are you still a runner? Bette: I mean, sometimes. Not, not really often. God, what the hell are you doing in L.A.? I thought you were married to New York forever. Kelly: Well, I thought I was married to Dick Wentworth forever. Holy f*cking sh1t! I'm so, so happy to see you. Bette: Oh my God... Oh, God, I'm sorry. This is Tina Kennard, my partner. Tina: Hello. Kelly: Still gay, hey, Porter? Bette: Yeah, well, I lack of imagination in some areas. Not many. This is Kelly Frimont. The Kelly Frimont! Oh, Kelly Frimont, the college roomate! Kelly: Right. Tina: Well, I've heard a lot about you. Kelly: Did you tell Tina about you and me? Bette: Well, I told her that you let me kiss you once and were so ceased by a deep and abiding homosexual panic that you moved out of the house immadiately. Kelly: She got over me in two minutes. Bette: Ten. Tina: This piece is beautiful. Kelly: I know. Tina: You have great taste. Kelly: I love the tonality. I just ordered a roadster in this colour. I did! Bette: Well, we're gonna go see the rest of the show. Kelly: Okay, but, don't leave without saying goodbye. Bette: I will. Tina: We will. It was nice to meet you. Kelly: You too. [SCENE_BREAK] Alice: There is way more cons than pros. Tasha: Alright, let's say this, like "doesn't cook with pepper" ever, right? It, uh, it shouldn't be, it shouldn't count as many points as, like, "makes me wanna be a better person". Right? Alice: It's pretty good. Tasha: So we should do it on a point system. Like, "doesn't cook with pepper" should get what, two points, and... Alice: Like a point system? Tasha: Yeah, like a point system exactly. And then "is spontaneous", I just pick that one 'cause I, I really appreciate that about you. Alice: "Likes to get spanked" you should add. Tasha: Okay, this would get like 8 points. Alice: Okay, that is so smart. Very smart. I mean, you're smart. You're smart. Give me this. Tasha: How many points? Alice: Oh, nine. You get 9. Oh yeah, the pros are so winning now. Kelly (to a men): So, call me and we'll arrange a studio visit. To Bette and Tina: Just one of the many things I love about the art world. Bette: Yeah, well, he's a terrible artist. Kelly: Luckily I'm not interested in his work.Oh, you guys aren't going, are you? Bette: Yeah, we are. Tina: Yeah. Kelly: Well, we have to make a plan, lunch, diner, whatever. I really wanna pick that brain of yours. Bette: Yeah, well, the first thing I would tell you is not to sign an artist that you wanna f*ck. Kelly: That comes from firsthand experience? John: I read your article on the Art Journal. It was amazing. Jodi: Oh, thank you! John: The cover? Incredible. I loved your lips. Bette: Do you mind? Tina: No, I think you should. Bette: Excuse me. Bette: Just a second. I need to talk to you. Jodi: I'm sorry. Just a second.Now what? Bette: James has been trying to schedule an appointment with you and you haven't come back to him. Jodi: I've been busy. Bette: Do you realise that you report to me? And if I ask to see you, then you make it happen. Jodi: I don't report to you, Bette. I don't report to anybody. Bette: You have until tomorrow. Jodi: Or what? Kelly: I knew about it if I couldn't choose my T.A. I saw her. It was like one after the next, little moths to a flame. She burnt everyone of them. Tina: Really? Kelly: You know. Bette: You're ready? It was really great to see you. Kelly: You too. Bette: Good luck with the gallery. Kelly: Thank you. I'll see you soon. Tina: Nice to meet you. MUSIC - At the Hit Club Alice: Yeah, you two are a great pair. No alcohol, no s*x. It's... Kit: Well, that's what you have to do to keep your sanity and not to mention your shirt on in this business. Helena: But, I mean, I'm not a complete nun. I have the occasional drink. I even have s*x every now and then. Alice: Alright, just not with people you like? Helena: Yeah, that's my new M.O. All business, no attachment. Alice: What the f*ck? Helena: What? Alice: Twelve o'clock, the female in the lesbo sandwich. Oh, you've gotta be kidding me! Kit: Dylan, did she come out of the closet? Tasha: That girl used to be straight? Alice: Well, she wasn't gay back when she was f*cking Helena. Wow, looks like someone's carpet is about to get munched. Kit: You're okay? Helena: Of course, why wouldn't I be? Alice: You're not freaking out? Helena: No, there's no reason to. Alice: But that's the woman who extorted you for sexually harassing her! Kit: What is wrong with you? Alice: I'm just saying. Of all the gin joints in all the world? Tom is coming back at Max's home. Tom: I've been calling you. Max: I know. My phone broke. Tom: I wanted to say I'm sorry for the way I reacted. You just caught me by surprise. I... I've started to think about it. What do you think about having the baby? Max: f*ck off! Tom: Don't you wanna be a couple of West Hollywood fag dads? Max: I don't know. How we're f*cking handle this? Tom: We can handle it. We can. We both make a decent living. We love each other. We've said we want to spend our lives together. I'll have to think about it. Max: Sorry I kicked you in the balls. Tom: I'm sorry I knocked you up. Tina and Bette are home Tina: Oh my God, she was so irritating. Did you hear her? "Look at your body"! "Are you still a runner"? While you were talking to Jodi, she asked me if you were still a player. Bette: I was never a player. Kelly: That's not what Kelly said. Tina: She said no matter whether you're in a relationship or not, you've always had at least two other women on the side. Bette: Kelly was too busy f*cking every male professor to pay attention to what I was doing. Tina: Oh and another thing, she's sorry she didn't take you up on that offer 20 years ago. Bette: Did you tell her we're exclusive? Tina: No, I didn't, Bette. I figured if some gorgeous woman from your past come along, talking about how hot you are and how sorry she is she didn't sleep with you, I'm not gonna be the one to tell her that you're not available for a redo. But you know that I'm not. But you were flirting. Bette: I was not flirting. Tina: Yes, you were. Bette: You can't help it. Tina: What? Bette: You never flirt? Tina: Of course I flirt, but it's different for you. It feeds you. You feed off people wanting you. And they do want you. It's... It's like blood to a vampire. Bette: So now, I'm a vampire? Tina: I love you. I don't wanna deprive you of something that's so fundamental to who you are. Bette: You need to trust that I know who I am. And I know what to do with it. Tina: I don't know what that means. Bette: It means that everyone else can f*ck off because I only want you. I only wanna be wanted by you. They make love. Back at the Hit Club. A girl: Thank you. Helena:Thank you, gorgeous. Kit: Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Alice: You're with me? Helena: What? What are we gonna do? Alice: Get my back. Tasha: What did she do to Helena? Alice: Wait a minute. Right now, I wanna tell her where she gets off messing with my friend. I'm gonna tell her. I'm so telling her. Alice: Really...Really? Dylan: Excuse me? Alice: I mean, come on, the hair. The hair... and the documentaries! It's like... I'm... not... gay! Yeah, it's a good one. A good one. I got this. Tasha: She's got it. Dylan: You look, you look amazing. Can we talk? Alice: Okay, so basically, that skankful Dylan Moreland almost ruined entire Helena's life. First, she pretended to be in love with her, okay? So she and her boyfriend could sue her for sexual harassment and extort million of dollars from her. Hi, we were... Sorry, dude, we just left. Can you believe it? Helena: Get me a Pellegrino. So, are you aware that this is my club? Dylan: No, I just came back into town and, I mean, I heard that this was the best girl club in L.A. Helena: And you were looking for a girl club, a lesbian girl club? Dylan: Yes, I mean, you know. Obviously, you, you helped me with that. I mean, I finally figured it out, right? Helena: Good. Dylan: I just... I can't begin to tell you about how sorry I am about everything, about the way I behave, the way I treated you. And I don't expect for you to care about my life at all right now. I... I certainly don't expect for you to care that I've, I've never stopped thinking about you. Ever. And wishing that I'd met you at a different time in my life. I can go if you want me to go. Helena: No, it's fine. Look, I only came over because it would be akward for me not to say anything, especially since it's my club. Stay, stay, have a good time. Enjoy it. Be with your friends. Alice: So, her mother get so mad she cuts Helena off, so she has to come live with me and become a cook! Helena: I was a caterer. Alice: Which was a disaster, and let's face it Helena is used to a certain standard of living. So she meets this shady high-roller lady. they hook up but she uses Helena and takes all her money and when Helena takes it back, and we still don't know where she buried it, she gets arrested and has to share a cell with some killer! Helena: She was in for text fraud. Alice: Alright. So, her mother can't take it anymore, she bails Helena out, but she doesn't wanna live under her mother's thumb anymore. So she springs Dusty from jail, they go to Tahaa which she doesn't ever want to talk about, so it couldn't have been that great, right? Tasha: Right. Alice: And her mother gets stung by a jellyfish, all because of this woman. Tasha: Want me to kick her ass? Helena: Thank you. Tasha: You're a better person that me. I'd have to beat a bitch down if she tried to do that sh1t to me. Alice: Are you okay? Helena: I'm perfect. Alice: And don't even get me started on her kids, 'cause where did they go? Helena: I don't give a f*ck who's idea it was. You took part. You manipulated my emotions, you used me, and you humiliated me, and you've got to be f*cking insane thinking you could just prance in here act as if nothing ever happened, tell me that you're happy, tell me that you're out of the closet, tell me that you're oh so sorry for destroying my f*cking life. f*ck you! Dylan: Thank you! Now I know you care. At Jenny's home. Shane: I need my stuff. Open the door. Thanks. Jenny: So that's it? You're done trying? Shane: I'm out. I don't see the point with you anymore. Jenny: Shane, you know that it was you, right? When I said that you broke my heart? I was talking about you. You know, when I said it I felt like my, my, my heart was breaking. Shane: I tried to tell you all week how sorry I am. I'm not ever gonna hurt you like that again. Jenny: I also realized that I'm in love with you.Now I'm like all those stupid girls. Shane: Jenny Jenny: What?! What? They kiss.

While Niki is enraged by Jenny's vindictive way of leading her on and dumping her, Bette encounters an old friend from college, named Kelly Wentworth ( Elizabeth Berkley ), which makes Tina question how much she trusts her partner. The revenge-seeking Jodi continues to frustrate and taunt Bette. Joyce asks Phyllis to marry her, to which she says "yes". Meanwhile, Max receives the surprising news that he is four months pregnant. During counseling, Tasha and Alice rekindle their spark. But the counselor, Dan, gives Alice and Tasha some not-so-good advice, and they wonder whether or not they should stay together. Helena encounters her former flame Dylan Moreland, apparently out of the closet, in the Hit! club, and displays her anger for Dylan's past betrayal. Kit also hires a flamboyant drag queen, named Sunset Boulevard ( Roger R. Cross ), as the Master of Ceremonies and DJ for Hit !. When Shane gives up on asking for Jenny's forgiveness, Jenny says she's in love with her... and they kiss.

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[Scene: Mausoleum. Prue walks in.] Prue: Phoebe? Phoebe, are you in here? (She sees Phoebe asleep next to a crypt.) Hey, sweetie, wake up. (Phoebe wakes up.) Phoebe: Cole? Prue: No, it's just me. Come on, let's go home. Phoebe: No, I have to wait here for Cole. Prue: Phoebe, you can't just wait here, alright. He will know where to find you. Come on. (Phoebe stands up.) Phoebe: I don't understand. He was supposed to go back under so that they wouldn't be suspicious of him, but it's been over a week. Prue: He probably just hasn't found a safe way out yet, that's all. Phoebe: But what if he can't? What is the brotherhood found him out? Prue: Look, even if they did, he would put some sort of a spin on it to, you know, get out of it. Come on, you know Cole, he knows what he's doing. You don't make demon of the century without having a few tricks up your sleeve. Phoebe: I just hope he's okay, Prue. (They walk out of the mausoleum.) [Scene: A cave in the underworld. Cole is lying on a large rock. Raynor and Tarkin are standing beside him. Raynor has his hand held out above Cole's head, reading his thoughts.] Raynor: Seems our brother's suspicions are well founded. Tarkin: Why? What do you see? Raynor: Sickness. The kind that only comes from being under the world of light for too long. It's contaminated him. Tarkin: That's impossible, Raynor. A demon as great as Belthazor. Raynor: It's not his demon half that's been infected, it's his human half. He's in love. Tarkin: The witch. Raynor: Not just any witch, one of the Charmed Ones. But she's only loved him, she's turned him against us, sent him here to destroy us. Tarkin: Well, then we must destroy him. Raynor: You still have so much to learn, Tarkin. You don't just kill a demon like Belthazor. Tarkin: But he betrayed us. Raynor: And in so doing, he's acquired the knowledge of how to kill the Charmed Ones. Something no other demon's been able to accomplish. That with his power makes a very precious commodity for us, one worthy of saving. Tarkin: But how can...? Raynor: How can we save him? Simple. We remove the only thing that's re-awakened his human half. His only foot hole to good. The witch's love for him. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper is sitting at the table. She pours dozens of books and and papers from a box onto the table, and starts looking through them.] Piper: Okay. (Leo walks in holding a French/English dictionary.) Leo: Oú est l' tour Eiffel. That is 'Where is the Eiffel Tower?' Piper: In my dreams if we don't get you a passport. Leo: Honey, we don't need a passport to honeymoon in Paris. With a blink of an orb, we can be sipping champagne at the Champs Sel Seasay. (Piper giggles.) Piper: Yes, as romantic as you make that sound, I would rather fly Air France, than Air Leo. Just like every other normal newlywed. Leo: Well, great, except that we're not. Piper: Well, a passport for you could change all that, if I could just find... voila! Birth certificate. (She holds it up.) Leo: Where did you get that? Piper: From Dan's old file, the one he put together when he was suspicious of you. You remember him, don't ya? Leo: Let's see, perfect hair, cleft chin, tried to steal you away from me? Vaguely, vaguely. (Leo snatches the birth certificate off of Piper.) This isn't gonna work, I was born in 1924. Piper: No, you weren't. (She snatches it back.) Okay, off-white background, black ink... Little trick I learned in high school. Leo: You're gonna forge my birth certificate. Piper: No. Just going to change one little number. (She white outs the number.) So, 1924 becomes 1974. And just like that, you are fifty years younger. (She writes in the seven.) Wait a minute, that makes you 27. That's younger than me. Maybe I should change another number. Leo: Piper, this is completely illegal. Piper: Yeah? Well, so is marrying a dead guy, okay? (She holds up his death certificate.) Let's not get technical now. (Prue walks in.) Prue: Morning. What's up? Leo: Well, probably three to five years jail if we're lucky. (Prue gives a confused look.) Piper: Never mind. Were you up late working again? Prue: No, I was up looking for Phoebe. Three guesses where she was. Piper: Hmm, the mausoleum? Prue: Yeah, it's become like her second home. Leo: Still no word from Cole? Prue: No, and you know what? You would think he could take three lousy seconds just to shimmer and let all of us know that he's okay. Leo: Maybe he can't, maybe he's afraid he'll get caught. Piper: Maybe he already has. [Scene: Cave in the underworld. Raynor and Tarkin walk over to Cole.] Raynor: Just follow my lead. (Raynor wakes up Cole.) Cole: Raynor. (He sits up.) Raynor: Good to see you're still with us, Belthazor. Cole: What happened? Raynor: I tried to kill you. Accidentally, of course. I didn't recognise you in your human form, my mistake. Tarkin: Not many are strong enough to survive an energy bolt, Belthazor. You're lucky. Raynor: Forgive me. (Ranor holds out his hand. Cole hesitates for a moment, then shakes it.) Cole: How could I not? After all, you taught me everything I know. Raynor: Well, not everything. Cole: How long was I out? Raynor: Long enough for us to investigate reports that you crossed over to the other side. (Cole walks over to some water.) Cole: Rumours, not reports. Tarkin: Don't worry, we don't blame you for the failed hit last week. Even if you were seduced by one of the witches that thwarted our plan. (Cole wipes some water on his neck.) Cole: I already explained to you that I was over her. Tarkin: Yeah, but you didn't explain that she was one of the Charmed Ones. Raynor: It doesn't matter that you're straight, Belthazor, as long as you're back. To that end, I have an assignment for you. Something that only your powers can achieve. I need you to get me a magical amulet, one that's hanging from the neck of a witch. Problem? Cole: Just that it's a little bit risky, don't you think? Sending me after a witch with the Charmed Ones on my trail? Raynor: Tarkin will provide backup. That way if they show up you can catch them by surprise. That should take care of all our problems now, shouldn't it? Cole: Where do I get the amulet? (Raynor waves his hand in front of Cole's face.) This shouldn't take long. (Cole shimmers out.) Tarkin: Think he'll actually get the amulet? Raynor: Yes, but not before he tells his beloved witch what he's about to do. Then that should plant the first seed of suspicion in her heart. [Scene: Manor. Phoebe's room. Phoebe is sitting in front of the mirror putting on makeup. Cole shimmers in behind her. She sees his reflection in the mirror.] Phoebe: Promise me when I turn around you'll still be there. (She quickly turns around. She walks over to him and they kiss passionately.) Cole: I've missed you so much. Phoebe: I've missed you too. Cole: They've given me an assignment. One that if I turn down... Phoebe: What do you mean an assignment? What kind of assignment? Cole: I can't tell you. Phoebe: Wh-- (Cole sits down on the bed.) Cole: They've asked me to steal an amulet from a witch. Phoebe: A witch? Cole: Don't worry, I won't hurt her. Phoebe: Oh, well, that's good news, Cole. You can't do this! Cole: You think I want to, damn it! (He gets back up and walks across the room.) Phoebe, I just have to buy some time so I can figure a way out. In the mean time, I have to at least pretend like I'm evil. Phoebe: No, but don't you see? If you turn into Belthazor, then you will be evil. Cole: What makes you think I'll have to? Phoebe: Well, because an amulet protects. It takes someone of great strength to overcome that. Why do you think they choose you? Cole: To set me up perhaps. (He sits back on the bed.) Raynor may be on to me. Phoebe: Who's Raynor? Cole: He's the head of the brotherhood. And my old mentor. He has the power to read thoughts, and if he's read mine... (Phoebe kneels beside him.) Phoebe: Prue and I will come with you, and watch your back. Cole: No, no, no, you can't. That could be exactly what Raynor's expecting you do. He could be setting me up to get to you. I have to do this alone. Phoebe: Cole, I... (He pulls her up on the bed and puts his arms around her.) Cole: Trust me, okay? I know what I am doing. Just concentrate on finishing the potion. If it works, Belthazor will disappear and Raynor won't be able to track me. Then, (they kiss) we can be together. (They kiss again and Cole shimmers out in the middle. Phoebe sighs.) [Cut to the stairs. Phoebe runs down them.] Phoebe: Prue? Prue? (Prue runs in.) Prue: Hey, what's wrong? Phoebe: Cole's in trouble, I need your help. Prue: Uh, okay, anything. Phoebe: We need to scry for a witch, fast. Prue: Alright. (They run up the stairs.) [Cut to a Wicca shop. A witch is there. Cole shimmers in.] Witch: Who are you? How did you get in here? Cole: Just do exactly as I say and I won't hurt you. Just take off the amulet and put it down. Witch: I've been sworn to protect it. Cole: And I've been ordered to steal it. (She backs away.) Don't fight me. I beg you. (He reaches out for the amulet. A blue light shoots out of it and he is thrown back into boxes. He gets back up.) Witch: You can't take it from me. Cole: Maybe I can't. (He changes into Belthazor.) Belthazor: But I can. (He walks over to the witch. A bright blue light shields the witch. He reaches through the shield and takes the amulet from around her neck. The shield disappears. He grabs her, then realises what he's doing and lets go.) Tell no one about the amulet. Not even your Whitelighter. (He shimmers out.) [Scene: Passport Agency. Piper and Leo are waiting in line. Leo is filling out a form.] Leo: Whitelighter. Is that my occupation or should I just put guardian angel? (An elderly lady waiting in the line in front of them turns around.) Piper: Hi, how you doing? (She turns back around.) (to Leo) What's the matter with you? Leo: We shouldn't be here, Piper, this is wrong. Piper: Wanting a normal life is not wrong, okay? In fact, it couldn't be anymore right. For crying out loud, stop being so good all the time. (The lady gives her a look.) Ha, newlyweds, first fight. Eyes front. (The lady turns back to the front.) Leo: Piper... Piper: Leo, look, I love you, but I'm getting a migraine here, okay? Just, look, we're not hurting anyone, we're not breaking any commandments, okay? We just changed a lousy two to a lousy seven. So let go before I blow. (The line moves.) Okay, we're almost there. (The Elders call Leo.) Leo: Uh-oh. Piper: What? Oh no. No-no-no-no-no, no. You can not leave right now, okay. Pretend you're, pretend you're out. Leo: I can't do that. Piper: Yes, you can. Come on. Leo: I've gotta go. Piper: Leo, you can't go right now, okay. We've been in this line for two and a half freakin' hours! (She points at the clock and it blows up. Everyone in the line ducks. Piper looks around.) Uh-oh. [Cut to the Wicca shop. Raynor appears. He looks around and sees the witch hiding in the corner.] Witch: Who are you? If you've come for the amulet, it's gone. Raynor: And yet you're still here. Living proof that Belthazor has indeed gone soft. Witch: Belthazor? Raynor: The demon that'll be blamed for your death. (He throws an energy bolt at her. She screams and disappears.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Wicca Shop. Prue and Phoebe walk in. They look around.] Phoebe: Anything? Prue: No. Phoebe: Do you think maybe we scryed for the wrong witch? Prue: I don't think so. (Prue sees burnt curtains and black marks on the wall.) Phoebe: Scorch marks. Oh my god, do you think she's dead? Prue: Unfortunately, I don't know what else to think. Phoebe: That doesn't make any sense. Cole said she wouldn't get hurt. Prue: Yeah, well, somebody sure fired an energy ball in here. Phoebe: Somebody like Cole, you mean? Prue: Phoebe, I'm not saying that it was Cole, okay? All that I'm telling you is what I see, what we both see. For what it's worth, I don't think it was Cole. Phoebe: Thank you. Prue: Alright, but if he didn't do it, who did? Phoebe: Well, Cole said that he thought he was being set up by his mentor. So maybe he is, maybe they're trying to frame him. Prue: Why? Phoebe: I don't know, but if it's true, that means his cover's blown and we gotta get him outta there. Prue: Yeah. (Leo orbs in.) Leo. Phoebe: What are you doing here? Leo: Looking for you. The Elders called me because a powerful amulet has been stolen. Prue: Yeah, we know. Leo: You do? Prue: Yes, and the witch that had it has been killed. Leo: It's supposed to protect her, that's why they gave it to her. Only the most evil of demons could have had the power to take it away. Phoebe: And why would a demon want that amulet so bad? Leo: Because it's one half of an ancient charm. Whoever connects the two amulets together, more than doubles, it protects your power. With it they become invincible. Prue: Oh, that certainly explains why the brotherhood wanted Cole to get it. Leo: Cole? Phoebe: Forget it. Who's got the other half? Leo: Another witch. The amulets were divided between two local covens for safe keeping, but the bearers have always been kept secret, guarded even from them. Phoebe: Well, obviously that's why the brotherhood wants them both. Leo: Only to destroy them so good can never use them. The amulet won't protect anyone evil. Prue: Alright, we need to find that other witch before they do. Phoebe: Okay, well, you go with Piper so I can work on Cole's potion. Prue: Yeah. Speaking of, where's Piper? Leo: Uh, she's at the manor recovering from a little problem we had at the passport office. Prue: What problem? Leo: Uh, well, she sorta blew some of it up. [Scene: Cave in the underworld. Cole and Tarkin are waiting there. Cole is holding the amulet.] Tarkin: Nervous? Cole: Impatient. There's something you're not telling me, brother. Tarkin: Actually, I was about to ask you the same question, brother. (Raynor shimmers in.) Raynor: Sorry to keep you waiting, I had business to attend to. (He walks over to Cole.) The amulet. (Cole hands him the amulet.) Must feel good to be back in the game, it was such a beautiful death. Cole: What do you mean? Raynor: The witch. How did you kill her? Cole: I didn't. I'd never risk alerting the Charmed Ones just for the thrill of offing a low level witch. Raynor: Too bad, I would and did. Don't make me clean up after you again. Cole: You shouldn't have killed her, Raynor. Raynor: You're right. You should have. Cole: You told me to just get the amulet, you didn't say kill the witch. Raynor: Some things go without saying. Tarkin: You want me to get the second amulet? Raynor: No, I want Belthazor to. Cole: Let Tarkin. My strength isn't back yet. I could barely fight through the magic of the first amulet. Raynor: You can do it, I know you. You're the great Belthazor, you can do anything you want. You've seem to forgotten that. Find the witch. (He waves his hand in front of Cole's face.) But this time show no mercy. (Cole shimmers out.) Tarkin: You think he'll do it? Raynor: You keep pulling the bottle in front of him, sooner or later he's gonna take a drink. Tarkin: What if he doesn't? (A bright glowing ball appears in Raynor's hand.) Raynor: Don't worry, I have insurance. [Cut to the manor. Prue, Phoebe and Leo walk inside.] Prue: Alright, I'll start scrying. Leo: I don't think it'll work. The amulet wards off magic, all magic. Phoebe: That must be why we didn't find the first witch in time. We didn't get a read on her until after the amulet was stolen. Prue: Okay, but what happens if we don't find her before... (They hear a loud noise coming from the kitchen.) [Cut to the kitchen. Piper is there covered in pieces of watermelon. Prue, Phoebe and Leo walk in.] Phoebe: Piper? Prue: Uh, okay, was it a demon? Piper: No, it was watermelon! Phoebe: Honey, why did you vanquish watermelon? Piper: I didn't vanquish watermelon. I threw it up in the air and I tried to freeze it and it exploded. (She throws her hands up in the air and a pot plant explodes. She panics and the glass on the cupboards smash.) Leo: This is the little problem I was telling you about. Phoebe: Okay, Piper, slowly put your hands down and no one will get hurt. (Piper puts her hands down.) Piper: Honey! Leo: Sweetie, it's gonna be okay, we're gonna figure it out. (Leo walks over to her.) Piper: No-no-no! Don't come near me, I don't want anybody to get hurt. Prue: Okay, put these on. (Prue puts oven mitts on Piper's hands.) Maybe this will help. Put these on and... Okay, now try the teapot. Try the teapot. (Piper blows up the teapot.) Whoa! (Prue quickly pushes her hands down.) Okay, okay, it wasn't that bad. Phoebe: Alright, just relax, okay, just calm down because I think your emotions are making this worse. Leo: I'm gonna go check with the Elders, and see if they know what happened to your powers. Piper: Hurry! Prue: Hey, and ask them how we're supposed to... (Leo orbs out.) find the second witch. (Cole shimmers in.) Cole: I know where to find her. Phoebe: Cole. Cole: I didn't kill her, Phoebe. I swear. (She goes over to him.) Phoebe: It's okay, I know. We believe you. You don't look so good. Are you okay? (She touches his face and he pulls her hand away.) Cole: I'm not sure. Phoebe: Come on. (Cole and Phoebe walk into another room.) Cole: What about the potion? How close are you? Phoebe: Uh, we're just missing one ingredient, billings root, whatever that is. But as soon as I find it, then I can finish it. Cole: Well, I don't have much time, I'm kinda hanging on by my fingertips as it is. Phoebe: Well, you have to hold on a little longer. Cole: Ay-ya-yay. Phoebe: You can do it, Cole, I know you. Cole: Raynor says he knows me too. Phoebe: Cole, look at me. Look at me. (He looks at her.) You have to keep fighting it. You have to keep fighting him, you can not let him win. Cole: But fighting is how he does win. Raynor's just waiting for me to slip so he can drag me back in the fold, I know that's what he's doing. (She moves closer to him and touches his face.) Phoebe: He can't have you. I won't let him. Cole: Then save me, Phoebe. I've been ordered to kill the next witch. You have to get there first and stop me. Otherwise Raynor will win. [Scene: Park. Seven witches are sitting in a circle, around a small fire.] Witch: The birth and rebirth of all nature. The passing of winter and spring, we share in the life universal. Rejoice in the magical ring. I'll see you all next week. Blessed be. All: Blessed be. (They all stand up. Cole looks on from the bushes near by. Tarkin shimmers in beside him.) Cole: What are you doing here? Tarkin: Just watching your back. Cole: Yeah, well, watching it's one thing, stabbing it's another. Tarkin: What's the matter? Don't you trust me? Cole: I don't trust anyone. Tarkin: Never did. That's probably what made you so great. No legences, no conscience, no hesitation. (All the witches leave, except one.) You know what Raynor wants. Just give it to him. You'll feel better after you kill the witch. (The witch kneels down and starts to pack up her stuff. She hears a noise.) Witch: Who's there? (Cole comes out and changes into Belthazor. The witch stands up and holds out the amulet.) You can't hurt me. (Belthazor walks towards the witch and the protective shield from the amulet surrounds her. Belthazor reaches through the shield. Prue, Piper and Phoebe arrive.) Phoebe: Cole, don't! Prue: Piper, freeze him. Piper: I might blow him up. (Prue uses her power on Belthazor. Phoebe runs over to the witch.) Phoebe: It's okay, we're witches too. (Tarkin gets ready to throw an energy bolt.) Piper! (Piper blows up a tree.) Prue: Okay, that was good, that was, that-that was fine. Tarkin: Kill them. Phoebe: No. (Belthazor throws an energy bolt at Phoebe and the witch. The amulet protects them and they are thrown into the bushes. Prue uses her power on Belthazor and he flies against a rock. Tarkin gets ready to throw an energy bolt and Prue uses her power on him. They stand up. Belthazor looks at Phoebe and then he and Tarkin shimmer out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Prue, Piper, Phoebe and the witch walk in the living room.] Piper: Leo! Prue: Uh, he's our Whitelighter. Phoebe: And our brother-in-law. Piper: I don't know what is up with me. Every time I try to freeze, I flame. Prue: Uh, Leo! Phoebe: (holding her wounded arm) I'm fine, really, it's no big deal. Piper: Phoebe, it's a huge deal, Cole tried to kill you. Prue: He's the demon. (The witch nods.) Piper: And her boyfriend. Phoebe: We have very complicated lives. Witch: I'm just thrilled to meet you. I mean, I've heard of the Charmed Ones, of course, but I just thought I'd never dream I'd... Prue: Nearly die with us? Yes, well, welcome to our lives. Witch: You saved me, and the amulet. That's enough. (to Phoebe) May I? (She looks at Phoebe's arm.) Well, the wound isn't deep. A salve would cleanse it and ease the pain. Would you allow me entrance to your herb cupboard? Prue: Kitchen, she means kitchen. Piper: Hmm? Oh, right, sure, follow me. (Piper points.) Phoebe: Oh, hands down, hands down. (Piper and the witch go into the kitchen.) Prue: Come on, sit down, take it easy. (They sit on the couch.) Phoebe: I'm fine, Prue, really. And Cole would not try to kill me. He knew that the amulet would protect me. He could've fired at you or Piper but he didn't. With the other demon there, he made the only choice he could. Prue: And you really believe that, right? Phoebe: Yeah, I know it. I saw his eyes. They were filled with pain, not evil. Prue, we've gotta get him outta there before it's too late. Prue: Alright, then we better figure out a way to finish that power stripping potion fast. Come on. (Prue and Phoebe walk into the kitchen. The witch is mixing ingredients in a bowl.) Piper: Check her out. Whipping it up like it's Tollhouse Cookies. Maybe after she fixes Phoebe she can fix me. Prue: Piper, you don't need fixing. Piper: Uh, if it's taking the Elders this long to tell Leo what's wrong with me, then I definitely need fixing. Witch: (to Phoebe) This will feel a little warm. (She spreads a paste on Phoebe's wound.) Phoebe: That is amazing. It doesn't hurt at all. Hey, how are you at making potions? Witch: Well, what do you need? Prue: We need to de-tox a demon. Phoebe: Yeah, we need something called billings root. Witch: Well, you have that. It's on the bottom shelf. (She takes a jar out of their cupboard.) Phoebe: No, that's ginger. Witch: Now that's what it's called. In the old covens they called it billings root. Phoebe: Jenna, you have healed me twice. (She hugs Jenna.) Piper, do you think you can help Jenna with the potion? Just not point at anything. Piper: Only one way to find out. (Phoebe walks over and takes the keys off the hook.) Prue: Hey, where are you going? Phoebe: To get Cole back here. If I'm right about what I saw in his eyes, he'll go to the mausoleum. Prue: And what if you're wrong? Piper: Well, then he'll be back here with his buddy to get the amulet. Phoebe: I'm not wrong. Cole's not the enemy. He's the victim. And I'm gonna save him. (Phoebe leaves.) [Scene: Cave in the underworld. Cole, Tarkin and Raynor are there.] Raynor: How could you have failed? It was just one little witch. Cole: No, it wasn't. The Charmed Ones were there, just like I warned you they might be. Tarkin: We could have taken them. Cole: We would have died. The amulet protected them. Raynor: Which is exactly why I want it. What has happened to you, Belthazor? The witch's magic never would have stopped you before, you never would have given up. What's changed? Cole: You know what? Let's just drop the pretences, okay? I'm tired of playing games. We both know what you're trying to do, it's not gonna work. Raynor: Yeah? Cole: You don't care about the amulet. You only care about turning me against Phoebe. Raynor: How smart, and yet foolish enough to fall in love. Cole: Loving her is the best thing that's ever happened to me. You can destroy me, but you can't change that. Raynor: After all that I've taught you and all that I've given you, you're willing to give it all up for a witch? Cole: I'm not gonna kill for you, Raynor. Not anymore. Raynor: Not even for your father's soul? (A bright glowing ball appears in Raynor's hand. Cole goes for Raynor but Tarkin holds him back with a knife up to his neck.) Tarkin: Settle, brother. Cole: How did you get that? The Source? Raynor: I'll promise to free him if you've fulfilled your end of the bargain. You kill the witch, come back and finish your obligations, and you and your father will both be free. (Cole shimmers out.) All that separates us from getting him back are a few drops of innocent blood, and they're about to be spilled. [Cut to the mausoleum. Phoebe is pacing up and down. Cole shimmers in.] Phoebe: Cole. Surprised to see me? Cole: I hoped but why'd you come after what I did? Phoebe: Because you need me. Besides, it's not like you haven't tried to kill me before. A little energy ball isn't going to stop me. Cole: You know, I didn't have a choice, I didn't mean to hurt you. Phoebe: I know, I know, I know, it's okay. I just need to get you back to the house, get that potion and you will be safe. Cole: It's too late for that. (Cole coughs.) Phoebe: What do you mean? (Cole's hand changes into Belthazor's hand. His face starts to change.) We have to hurry. Cole: Maybe I should shimmer us there. Phoebe: You can't use your demonic powers, it's too much temptation. We'll just drive there. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Piper and Jenna are there. Piper and Jenna are making the potion while Prue searches through the Book of Shadows.] Jenna: Shake water vigorously for two hundred heartbeats. Then add a pinch of dandelion and a dash of chickweed. (Piper pours some water into a jar.) Prue: You're using bottled water? Piper: For Cole, the purer the better. (She screws the lid on. Prue reaches for it.) I got it. Prue: Okay. Piper: Time me. (Prue reaches for the jar.) I got it. (Piper shakes the jar while Prue looks at her watch.) Leo should have been back by now. It must mean my powers are screwed forever. They're punishing me. Jenna: You're a fulfillment of a great prophecy. Why punish you? Piper: Oh, forgery. Wanting to have a normal life. Getting pissed off. By next week I'll be walking around like Carrie at the prom. Jenna: I think that's enough shaking. (Jenna takes the jar off of Piper. Leo orbs in.) Piper: Leo! Where the hell have you been? Prue: (to Piper) Hi, easy, remember, breathe, okay? Leo, Jenna the innocent, Jenna, Leo the Whitelighter. Leo: Hi. (They shake hands.) Piper: Leo, why are my powers so wonky? Leo: They're not, they're advancing. Uh, turns out your powers work by slowing down molecules, and apparently now you can speed them up as well. Piper: Okay, but why now? Couldn't they have picked a better time? Prue: Hey, okay, don't look a gift power in the mouth. That one kicks ass and we may need it sooner than you think. (She walks over to the Book of Shadows.) Piper: Why? Prue: Because when the two amulets are joined together, only this spell can activate their power. This spell. (Piper and Leo walk over.) Piper: What does that mean? Prue: It means if the brotherhood wants to actually use the amulets, they're gonna have to come here for the spell. Jenna: But I was told that evil couldn't use the amulets. Prue: Maybe they figured out a way. (Phoebe and Cole walk in.) Phoebe: Hey. (Cole sits in a chair.) Prue: You look like hell. Cole: You have no idea. Phoebe: Is the potion done? Jenna: It still has to cool and turn blood red. Piper: I'll get some ice. Prue: Oh, uh, I'll help. So you don't melt it. (Prue and Piper walk out of the attic and down the stairs.) Well, look on the bright side, at least you got a new power. I mean, you've been bitching about it long enough. Piper: Yeah, well, careful what you bitch for. (Tarkin shimmers in. Piper uses her power and breaks the pot plant.) Prue: Uh... (Tarkin throws an energy ball at them and Prue deflects it with her power. She goes over and kicks him in the stomach, then his head, then his stomach. He flies against the wall.) Try again! (Piper uses her power and a shelf falls on top of Prue, knocking her unconscious.) Piper: Oops. (Tarkin gets up.) Phoebe, help! (She hits Tarkin over the head with a vase.) Phoebe! Phoebe, help! (Phoebe stands at the top of the stairs.) Watch out! (Tarkin throws an energy ball at Phoebe and she jumps over, landing on some furniture.) Oh, please, please, please. (She uses her power and Tarkin explodes.) I did it! (Phoebe gets up.) I did it! Phoebe: Very good. Piper: Of course I meant to freeze him. Are you alright? Phoebe: I am, thanks to you. Piper: I don't think Prue's gonna be quite as grateful. Phoebe: Wake her up, I've gotta get back to Cole. (Phoebe goes upstairs.) Piper: Um... [Cut to the attic. The potion, sitting in a chalice, turns blood red.] Jenna: (to Leo) It's ready. (Raynor shimmers in and throws an energy ball at Leo. He is knocked unconscious. Jenna gasps. She turns to Raynor and holds her amulet.) Cole: Leave her out of this, Raynor. Jenna: I serve with every breath, even my last. Raynor: I'll have to take you up on that. But I think I'll save that pleasure for my brother. (Raynor throws an energy ball at Jenna. The amulet protects her, but she still gets thrown back into some boxes. She falls to the floor and the amulet falls off her neck. Phoebe gets to the top of the stairs and tries to open the door but Raynor has blocked it.) Phoebe: Cole? (She bangs on the door.) Raynor: I've come to take you home. Cole: I am home. Phoebe: Cole! Raynor: You will be when you kill the witch. Stop fighting it, Belthazor. You're a demon. Embrace it. Let evil make you strong again, give into it. Phoebe: (from outside) Cole? Leo? Raynor: The rage in you is raising but it's not me you want to kill. It's her. Do it, for yourself. Cole: No. Phoebe: Cole, open up the door, let me in. (Prue comes up behind her and uses her power on the door. It opens up a bit. Phoebe looks through the crack.) Raynor: Is she really worth sacrificing your father's soul for? Phoebe: Cole, no, don't do it. (Cole yells and he changes into Belthazor. He throws an energy ball at Jenna. She disappears. Raynor shimmers out.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Continued from before. Prue, Piper and Phoebe get inside. Prue and Piper run over to Leo. Phoebe stares at Belthazor.] Belthazor: Phoebe. Piper: What did you do to him? (Belthazor changes back into Cole.) Phoebe: I saw what you did. Cole: It's not what it looks like. It wasn't... Phoebe: Jenna is dead, and Leo is unconscious. What else could it be? Cole: Raynor forced me, I had no choice. Phoebe: There's always a choice, Cole. (Cole sees the potion.) Cole: The potion. (He reaches for it but Phoebe grabs if before he can.) Before it's too late. Phoebe: It's already too late. You killed an innocent woman. There is no turning back from that. Cole: I didn't wanna kill her. You've gotta understand that, I can still be good. Phoebe: There's nothing good in you anymore. Prue: Maybe there never was. You have to read the spell to activate the amulets, right? I mean, Cole, maybe that was your plan all along, to get the book. Piper: But evil can't use the amulets or the book. Phoebe: He could've if we'd stripped his powers. Is that why you wanted the potion, Cole? So you could get the spell and use the amulets against us? Cole: Phoebe, you've gotta believe me. Piper: I think she's believed you one too many times. Cole: Stay out of this! This is between me and her. Phoebe: There's nothing between us anymore. Cole: Phoebe, don't let Raynor take this away from us, don't let him win. Phoebe: Raynor didn't set you up, you se me up. What am I supposed to do? Cole: Please, save me. Phoebe: Save yourself. (She throws the potion on the floor. Cole shimmers out.) [Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper is repotting the plant. Prue walks in.] Piper: Sorry about knocking you out. Nothing personal. (Prue picks up some books.) Prue: Yeah, well, at least you didn't blow me up. Piper: Yeah, I was kinda relieved too. Prue: Piper, the control will come. Piper: Mm-hmm. Yeah, tell that to the Ficus. Prue: Well, you sure told it to Tarkin. Piper: That was kinda cool. Prue: So, see, we can celebrate. You know, I mean, you got a new power and you beat a demon with it. Piper: I wish I could've done more. For Jenna, and Cole. I mean, vanquishing one bad guy and losing three good guys is not exactly a winning score. Prue: Yeah, so we are still counting Cole as good, right? Piper: Yeah, I mean, I actually finally understand how he feels, having something inside of you that you can't control, which is capable of hurting the people that you love even if you don't want it to. (Phoebe walks in holding three candles.) Phoebe: Oh, I'm sorry guys. I didn't mean to stick you with the morning after clean up. Piper: How you doing? Phoebe: I'm not sure. (She sits down on the couch and places the candles on the coffee table.) Prue: Well, you have a lot to sort out. Phoebe: No, not really. I lost my soul mate to evil, end of story. Piper: Pheebs, I think he really tried but... Phoebe: It wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. I thought we could do a blessing for our two fallen witches, and for Cole. (Prue and Piper kneel in front of the table. Phoebe lights a match and hands it to Prue.) Prue: For Liza, a lost sister, may her spirit sore. (She lights a candle, then hands the match to Piper.) Piper: For Jenna, our lost friend, may we meet again. (She lights a candle and hands the match to Phoebe.) Phoebe: For Cole, a lost love. (She lights the candle.) May he find peace. (She blows out the match. Leo walks in.) Leo: Piper, we're going... (He sees what they're doing.) to have plenty of time to talk later. Phoebe: No, that's okay, Leo. We could actually use some good news, and it seems like you have some. Leo: Well, I don't have news but I do have a passport. (He shows it to them. Piper gasps. Prue holds Piper's hands down.) Piper: You went back? Leo: Yeah, well, I was thinking with everything that's happened and you're new power, making life a little crazy, alright, crazier, I figured the least I could do is make it somewhat normal. Piper: Are you sure? Leo: Anything that it takes to get you on a plane to Paris. Piper: Ah, you know what? I think we should wait on that. (She goes over to him.) I wouldn't want to sneeze at 40,000 feet and have a whole bunch of people explode, that would be bad. (She kisses him.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Cave in the underworld. Cole shimmers in.] Raynor: I knew you'd come back, I've been waiting for you. Cole: My father's soul, where is it? (The bright glowing ball appears in Raynor's hand. Cole carefully takes if off him.) Raynor: Of course, now that you're evil, what can you do with it? Cole: That's not your concern. Raynor: True. You're my only concern. Cole: How'd you get me to do it? A spell? Raynor: Does it really matter? But you enjoyed it, didn't you, killing the witch? Cole: Not as much as I'm going to enjoy this. (He stabs Raynor in the stomach.) You killed Phoebe's love for me. Now I'm gonna watch you die. Raynor: I feel your heart, it's racing even as mine slows. You're enjoying this, I can feel it. (Cole digs the knife in deeper.) This is what I hoped for. Your inner-demonic nature finally showing itself for all its glory. (Cole pushes him away.) You're truly evil now, Belthazor. Welcome home. (Raynor falls to his knees. Fire surrounds him and he disappears. Cole kneels on the ground.)

In order to prove that he's still committed to his demonic ways, the Brotherhood has Cole steal an amulet that belongs to a witch that will help protect him from the Charmed Ones. However, the only way to get it is if Cole kills the witch, which will cause Phoebe to turn her back on him. Meanwhile, as Piper and Leo prepare to go on their honeymoon, she discovers she has a new power and has trouble controlling it.

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"Surprise" 25th Episode of Roswell Production Code: 2ADA03 [SCENE_BREAK] (Episode begins with Isabel in an abandoned building. She finds Tess on the ground, badly beaten) Isabel: Oh, God! Tess! Oh, god, Tess! Tess! Tess, wake up! Oh, God. Wake up! Tess: Isabel? Isabel: Ok, come on. Come on, Tess. I'll get you out. It's ok. Ok. Ok. Come on. Come on. I'll get you out of here. It's ok. It's ok. We'll make it. I promise. We'll make it. Ok. (Isabel moves Tess into a room and bolts the door) Isabel: Tess. Stay with me. Stay with me, damn it. Don't die on me now. Don't die on me now. (The door unlocks and swings open. Isabel recognizes the person) Isabel: It's you. (Opening credits) (Isabel is on her way to the Crashdown, where her friends have prepared a surprise party. She's wearing a party dress) Everyone: Surprise! Mrs. Evans: Oh, happy birthday, sweetheart! Isabel: Oh, my God! Oh! I could kill you all. Mrs. Evans: Kill your brother. He's the one who planned the entire thing. Max: Happy birthday, old lady. Isabel: Max, I can't believe you did this with everything that's happening. Max: It's still your birthday. Isabel: Max, you're the worst, really. I don't know what to say. Maria: Say that you're surprised, 'cause he was totally, totally stressing that you'd figure it out. Isabel: I had no idea. Max: Really? Michael: Alex told you to come by so he could give you back a book. I mean, what a lame excuse. How could you not figure that out? Isabel: Where is Alex, anyway? Maria: He's, um, he's still getting dressed. (We see Courtney using her alien power to fill some empty glasses with beverages) Mrs. Evans: Can you believe your brother did all of this in, like, 3 days' time? Isabel: No. Courtney: Happy birthday to you. Isabel: Oh, thank you. Courtney: Mm-hmm. Mrs. Evans: Oh, honey. You know, your dad is beside himself that he's still stuck in Minneapolis. Isabel: That's ok. Poor guy. Mrs. Evans: By the way, honey, why are you wearing that dress? Isabel: Um, oh... Michael: Yeah. If you really didn't know about the party, then how'd you know to dress up? Isabel: I...I didn't. I...actually, I had, um, other plans. Grant: Isabel. Sorry I'm late. I didn't know there was going to be a party. Isabel: Neither did I. Purple are my favorite. Grant: So I heard. Michael: No, wait. Who's ever heard of purple roses? What, did you, like, dye them or something? Isabel: They're sterling roses, Michael. They're...they're really rare and expensive. Grant: Well, I'm impressed. No one's ever given me a surprise party. Mrs. Evans: Oh, when's your birthday? Grant: December 7th. Mrs. Evans: And what year might that be? Isabel: Mom! (Isabel notices some blood on the back of Grant's neck) Isabel: Oh, you...you're bleeding on your... Grant: I am? Isabel: Oh, here. Let me. Isabel (to Mom): Here, mom. Will you... (Isabel hands Mrs. Evans the glass the was holding) Grant: Must have happened when I slipped down the ravine on the dig today. (Isabel has an incoherent vision) Grant: What? Isabel: Nothing. No, nothing. Grant: Well, this obviously isn't a good time for a date. Isabel: Well, you're welcome to stay. Michael: Or go. Grant: Actually, I have some samples I should drop off at the lab tonight anyway. I'll call you. Isabel: Ok. (Grant leaves and Mrs. Evans is visibly upset) Mrs. Evans: You know, honey, not now and not tonight, but pretty soon you and I are gonna have to have a little talk. Max: Ditto. (Isabel has a vision of Tess in an accident. She drops her drink) Isabel: Oh, God. Mrs. Evans: Are you all right? Isabel: I'm just so clumsy tonight. Courtney: I'll get that. Isabel: Are you sure? I can...I can get it. Courtney: This is your night. (In Whitaker's office, Liz is dancing a bit while organizing some files. Whitaker comes in and wonders what's going on) Liz: Oh! I'm sorry. Whitaker: Where'd you get that? Liz: Oh...um, there were just some CDs out on your desk. I can put them back. (As Liz turns off the boombox, Whitaker locks one of the file cabinets. Liz notices this) Whitaker: No, it's fine. Run lola run, huh? Liz: It's a great soundtrack. Whitaker: Yeah. It's really cool. I loved this movie. Story of my life. Liz: I know what you mean. Whitaker: It's after 7:00. What are you still doing here? Liz: Oh, um, I was just gonna finish up these reports. Whitaker: They'll be here tomorrow. Go home. Here, take Lola. Liz: Oh, really? That would be so great, because I have this party I want to get to. Whitaker: Oh, really? There's a party? Liz: Yeah. Um, it's just this small birthday party for a friend of mine at the Crashdown. Whitaker: That cafe your parents own. Oh, I adore that place. Liz: Thank you. Whitaker: You know, it would be great to finally meet them. Liz: Oh, I don't think that they're gonna be there. Whitaker: I'll just pop my head in for 5 minutes. Never hurts to mingle with my constituents. Liz: Yeah, sure. Uh, that'd be great. Whitaker: I'm just gonna hit the powder room...freshen my lipstick. (Liz uses a letter opener to unlock the cabinet that Whitaker locked. She finds a CD labeled "Parker Liz, Date: Sep 6-19". She puts the CD in the boombox and listens via headphones) Liz: I can't just go to a movie in the middle of the day, Maria. Maria: Tell her you got a doctor's appointment. Liz: And anyway, I don't want to run into him anywhere. That's why I took this job. Maria: Him, him, him. Ever since you broke up, he's become this pronoun instead of a person. Liz: Let's keep it that way. (Liz hastily turns off the boombox as Whitaker comes out of the powder room) (Max eavesdrops on Isabel as she calls Grant on her cell phone) Isabel: Listening to my private conversations? Max: Why you calling him? He just left. Isabel: Uh, I was just leaving him a message to thank him for the flowers. Max: You already thanked him. Isabel: Yeah, and you guys made him feel really welcome. Max: He wasn't invited. Isabel: I invited him before I ever knew there was a party. Max: Don't do it again. Isabel: Excuse me? Are you forbidding me? Max: You can't let anyone new in. It's too dangerous. Isabel: Like it was too dangerous to let Liz Parker in. Max: That's different. Isabel: Yeah, it was. You want to know how? Because I can date someone and keep my mouth shut at the same time. You couldn't. Max: That was the past. We've got to think about the future, the one our mother talked about. Isabel: Right, right. The king. I'm sorry. How could I forget? All I know is...Max, you may be the king, but I am not bowing down to you, not in this lifetime. (Isabel sees some visions, among them a "RED'S" sign) Isabel: Uhh. Max: What is it? Isabel: Had this headache on and off all day. Max: You're sweating. Isabel: I'm fine. It's... (Maria interrupts) Maria: Ahem. Isabel, you better come out. There's a policeman here to see you. Isabel: A policeman? What's going on? Maria: He's asking for you. Max: You better go. (Isabel enters the main Crashdown area, followed by Max and Maria. Alex has dressed up in a policeman uniform and starts removing his clothes) Alex: You love that! (Mrs. Evans is appalled by this striptease. She walks up to Alex) Alex: Hi, Ms. Evans. Great party. (In one of the back rooms, Courtney walks in as Michael is trying to finish making Isabel's cake) Courtney: So, did you, uh, make that all by yourself? Michael: No. Betty Crocker came on by and whipped it up. Courtney: Betty Crocker would've used eggs. Michael: Eggs. Courtney: Sorry. Michael: My first cake. Courtney: Well, guys don't make cakes for just anybody. In fact, guys don't make cakes at all. (Courtney sticks her finger in the cake and tastes it) Michael: Hey. Courtney: What flavor is this anyway? Michael: It's a combination of a few things. Courtney: It tastes like Tabasco. Did you put Tabasco in a cake? Michael: Well, what if I did? Courtney: I like that. Michael: Just move. Courtney: So, what's a chick got to do to get a cake out of a guy like you? Michael: Nothing you could handle. (Courtney tastes the frosting) Courtney: That's too bad. Mmm. You gonna frost it or what? Michael: Yeah, I'm gonna frost it. (Maria stops by to check up on the cake) Maria: How's the cake coming? Courtney: It's coming. Michael (to Courtney): Maybe you should finish it. (Michael leaves and Maria and Courtney start arguing over him) Maria: Michael. Taken. Or haven't you noticed? Courtney: I noticed he didn't make this cake for you. Maria: It's not my birthday. Courtney: Small detail. (Alex comes in and starts lamenting about how his striptease dance turned out) Alex: You know, I can't believe I let you talk me into that! Maria: Me and Michael go way back. Alex: That was the most humiliating experience of my life! Courtney: You sew your name into the back of his jeans? Maria: You'll never find out. Alex: I did a striptease in front of her mother! Are you listening to me? Maria: One nipple does not constitute a striptease, Alex. Alex: She saw my nipple? Oh, God. Courtney: Chill out, NYPD blue. Alex: Chill out? Chill out? I spent $150 to rent this costume. And do you have any idea how it feels to walk around all day with a thong up your ass? Maria & Courtney: Yes. (Back in the main Crashdown area, Kyle is complaining to his buddies about Tess) Kyle: Seriously. So, she's got her underwear and her bras and her girlie things all over the bathroom. Every time I go in to shave, I feel like I'm walking into Victoria's Secret. Michael: So what's not to like? Isabel: Kyle, where is Tess? Kyle: She went to Jensen's to get your present. Anyway, she's taken over television, the computer, my phone. If some chick's gonna be yelling at me about keeping the toilet seat down, she better at least be doing me. (Mrs. Evans walks by and reacts to Kyle's last words) Kyle: Doing me...a favor. Mrs. Evans: Hi. I'm, uh...I'm Isabel's mom. (Max grabs Michael) Max: I need to talk to you. Michael: We have nothing to talk about. Max: I need you to back me up on something. Michael: You make decisions without asking my opinion, and now you expect me to back you up? Max: I think Isabel's getting serious with that Sorenson guy. (Michael apparently agrees with Max this time and talks to Isabel about it) Michael: He gave you an order. Isabel: I don't take orders from Max. Michael: He's our leader. He's right. Isabel: Since when? You two are barely speaking. And when you do talk, you don't even agree. Michael: Well, we agree on this. Isabel: I bet you do. Michael: What's that supposed to mean? Isabel: Am I supposed to be alone for the rest of my...of my life... Michael: Isabel, you are not alone. Isabel: Not even talk to other guys? Michael: Works for me. Isabel: I don't think so. Michael: Isabel, you do not belong with him. Isabel: No. I belong with you. But I don't think either one of us wants to think about that too much. (Isabel sees more visions of Tess) Isabel: Unh! Michael: What's going on? Isabel: Nothing. Nothing. It's just my headache. (The cake is brought out. Everyone starts singing "Happy Birthday", but during the song, Isabel sees Tess repeatedly asking her for help) Tess: Isabel! Help me, please help me! Isabel! Help me, Isabel! Please help me! Isabel! (Isabel explains her vision to Max and Michael in the back room) Isabel: It was like she was really here. She was hurt and crying for help. Max: Who was the last person to see her? Michael: Kyle said she went to Jensen's to buy a present. Isabel: She's in danger. Michael: Yeah. It's got to be Nasedo's killer. He's after Tess. Courtney: Trust me, nobody's after Tess. All that blond hair and eye shadow? She's like Dolly Parton without the jugs. Michael: Could you just go refill the ketchups or something? Isabel: We've got to find her. Max: I think we should start with Sorenson. He showed up here bleeding. Could've been struggling with someone. Isabel: Grant has nothing to do with this, Max. Max: I'll be the judge of that. (Liz and Maria enter the back room) Liz: We've got a problem. Max: I know. Tess is missing. Maria: Oh, boo-hoo. Sorry. Liz: She's missing? Michael: Isabel had a vision that she was in trouble. Maria: That's weird. Liz: Here's something else weird - Whitaker has been taping my phone conversations at work. I found a CD. But the thing is how come she hasn't busted me yet? Michael: Maybe because she hasn't given up alien-hunting after all. Liz: She's out there right now. Isabel: At my party? Liz: Yeah...um, she sort of invited herself. Courtney: So, the real party's in here. Maria: Could you, like, go refill the ketchups or something? Courtney: Done. Maria: Sugars, then. Michael: Maybe Whitaker's got something to do with this Tess thing. Max: Michael, you go to her office...see what you can find. I'm going to get Valenti. We'll check out Sorenson. Isabel: What should I do? Max: Make sure Whitaker stays here so Michael can search her office. Isabel: I can't just stay here knowing everything that's happening. Max: We'll handle it. Just...just try to enjoy your party. Isabel: Like I can, Max. I'm the one who saw the visions. I'm going after her. Max: Let me take care of it. [SCENE_BREAK] (Outside in the main Crashdown area, Whitaker is mingling) Whitaker: So you must be the birthday girl. Liz: Oh, Isabel, this is Congresswoman Whitaker. Whitaker: Hmm. Isabel: Hi. It's nice to meet you. Mrs. Evans: Hello. I'm Diane Evans, Isabel's mother. Such an honor to have you here. Whitaker: Not at all. Saves me from an evening of senate budget proposals and Jay Leno. Isabel...that is such a beautiful name. Isabel: Thank you. Mrs. Evans: Well, why don't we open the rest of the presents? Mrs. Evans (to Whitaker): Won't you join us? Whitaker: Yes. Ok. Thank you. Mrs. Evans: Great. Ok. Come on, everybody. It's time to open the...all of this. Oh. You're popular. Ok. Which one first? Isabel: Um, this. (Isabel opens the box to find a small alien stick figure) Isabel: Oh. Ho ho ho. Who's this from? Mrs. Evans: Who's the comedian? Isabel: Just what I always wanted, guys. Thank you. Mrs. Evans: Here. This one's from your dad. (Isabel gets another vision of Tess in trouble) Isabel: Ahhh. Mrs. Evans: What's wrong, honey? Isabel: Noth...nothing. I...you know, I've...I've had this headache all day. I think there's aspirin in the back. (Isabel goes to the back room, followed by Liz and Maria) Liz: Did you have another vision? Isabel: Give me your keys. Maria: No way. Last time I lent out the Jetta, an uzi took out the back window. Isabel: Then drive me. Maria: Where? Isabel: To look for Tess. I saw a sign - RED'S. Liz: There's no "RED'S" in Roswell. Isabel: I know Tess isn't your favorite person. We've all treated her pretty badly. I'm not proud of the way I've acted. Liz: I can't help it, Isabel. I don't trust her. Isabel: Then trust me. Maria: Ok. I think I know where it is. Let's go. Liz: No. Max said not to leave. Isabel: Max isn't here. Liz: Ok. Fine. I'll go with you. Isabel: No. No. You have to cover for me. (Max and Sheriff Valenti search through Tess' stuff, trying to find out where she was and who may have last seen her) Sheriff: Address book. Evans. Evans. Guerin. Not a wide circle of friends. Max: Tess never had anyone but Nasedo. Sheriff: And you three. Max: Isabel was the only one she was really ever close to. Sheriff: What about you? Max: It was...it was too complicated. Sheriff: She wanted to jump your bones, huh? Max: Something like that. Sheriff: Screws things up every time. Max: Happen to you? Sheriff: Yeah. In my dreams. Max: Is that her cell phone? (Max presses the redial button) Grant: Hello. Max: Hi. I'm calling from the phone company. We're checking the lines. Grant: What lines? This is a cell phone. Max: Right. I mean, we're checking the service. This is 555-0188? Grant: Yeah. You got it. Max: And the number is billed to? Grant: Grant Sorenson. Max: Sorenson. Right. That's what I have. Thank you. (Michael breaks into Whitaker's office and starts looking around. He finds a file for Courtney and takes a picture from the file. Michael sees Whitaker unlocking the office door and makes a hasty retreat just before she enters) (Maria drives Isabel to a rundown restaurant called Fred's. The "F" on the neon sign isn't lit up) Maria: There's your "RED'S". Isabel: That's it. (Isabel sees Tess' car, which has been damaged. It's been abandoned) Isabel: Shoot. Where is she? Maria: Maybe she was thrown out of the car. Isabel: I don't think so. Maria: Um, maybe the paramedics already came. Isabel: No. (Isabel finds a piece of skin on Tess' car. It disintegrates in her hand) Isabel: No. She was taken. Maria: Ahh, I can't get a signal this far out. Isabel: I see some tracks. 2 sets of tires, see? But look here. They swerve near Tess' car...then go out in that direction. Maria: Straight into nowhere. Isabel: Nowhere's where we're going. Maria: Note to self - get 4-wheel drive. (Maria and Isabel arrive at Chavez County Electric Power Facility - Plant #2) Isabel: She's in there. Maria: Oh, no. No. No. Now, you don't know that. Isabel: I feel it. Maria: We need to get Max and Michael. Isabel: Then go get them. Maria: No. No. No. You're not going in there by yourself. Isabel: I have to. Maria: No. I'm not gonna leave you. Isabel: Look. Go get Max and Michael, all right? Just go. But I can't wait. I have to go in. Maria: All right. Here. Take the flashlight. Isabel: Ok. (Isabel rips her dress as she climbs through the fence. She takes off her shoes) (Max and Sheriff Valenti break into Grant Sorenson's motel room and start searching for anything that might give them a hint as to Tess' whereabouts) Sheriff: Stop right there! Grant: Whoa! Whoa. Sheriff, what are you doing in my room? Sheriff: When's the last time you saw Tess Harding? Grant: Who? Sheriff: Tess Harding. And don't lie to me. Grant: I barely know the girl. Max: Then why'd you call her cell phone today? Grant: She's a friend of Isabel's. I wanted to ask her advice on a birthday present. Max: And what did she tell you? Grant: She said she was going to Jensen's to pick something up. Max: That's what Kyle said. Grant: I knew I'd be on the dig all day and was pressed for time, when she suggested flowers. She said purple roses were Isabel's favorite. Sheriff: Sorry. Procedure. Grant: Procedure? You break into my room and stick a gun in my face? Sheriff: Tess Harding is missing. Grant: Well, then maybe you should be out looking for her instead of harassing innocent people. Sheriff: Look, Mr. Sorenson... Grant: No. You look, Sheriff. There's obviously no evidence. I don't appreciate you and deputy dog here accusing me. Sheriff: Nobody's accusing you of anything. Grant: You got a search warrant? Sheriff: I can get one. Grant: Then get it, but until then, get out. Sheriff: If you hear from her, you call me. Grant: Right. (Courtney goes outside to smoke a cigarette. Michael confronts her) Courtney: Worried about my health? Michael: Who are you? Courtney: What? Michael: You know what I'm talking about. Courtney: Are you, like, high or something? (Michael shows her the picture he found in Whitaker's office) Courtney: Where'd you get that? Michael: From your file in Whitaker's office. Courtney: Get out of my face. Michael: You're gonna tell me exactly what's going on. Courtney: No, I don't have to tell you anything. Michael: So, you working with her? You spying on us? Is that what you're doing? Courtney: You're a big man, aren't you? Michael: Don't jerk me around. If you're not working with Whitaker, then why does she have photos of you...documents, huh? Why is she watching you? Why is a U.S. Congresswoman interested in a waitress from Roswell? Courtney: Because I was sleeping with her stepson, that's why! Michael: Stepson. Courtney: That's right. He screwed his life up with drugs, and I screwed my life up with him. When we got busted, do you know who went down for that? I spent 2 years in Buckman, and the only reason why I got out of there is because I promised that bitch that I would never see him again. So I guess that she's just making sure I keep that promise. Michael: All right. Thanks. Courtney: Thanks? (Courtney slaps Michael) Courtney: Jerk! (Maria pulls up in the Jetta just as Michael has his hands on Courtney's shoulders) Maria: Michael, we got to go. Isabel's in trouble. (Isabel searches through the power plant, frequently hearing sobbing noises. She eventually finds Tess, battered and bruised on the floor) Isabel: Oh, Tess. Oh, God. Tess. Oh, God. Wake up. Oh, wake up. (Maria and Michael are on the way to the power plant) Michael: I can't believe you let her go after Tess alone. Maria: She didn't give me a choice. Michael: Well, where's the phone? I'm gonna call Valenti. Get him and Max to meet us there. (Back at the Crashdown, Liz is trying to get in touch with Maria) Liz: Come on. Someone answer the phone...anyone. Mrs. Evans: Liz, have you seen Isabel? Liz: Isabel? (Back at the power plant) Isabel: Come on, Tess. I'll get you up. Come on, I'll get you up. (Back at the Crashdown) Liz: She, uh, spilled punch...you know, on her dress. Mrs. Evans: Oh, my. Liz: But she had to leave because she had to go take care of it. It was...it was upsetting her. Mrs. Evans: Sometimes, honey, if one hair is out of place, she won't leave the house. (Back to Isabel and Tess. Isabel moves Tess to an empty room, and bolts the door) Isabel: There. Tess. Tess, stay with me. Stay with me, Tess. Damn it. Don't die on me now. (The bolts on the door slide over by themselves. Someone is opening them from the other side with an alien power. The door swings open and we see Congresswoman Whitaker) Isabel: It's you. Whitaker: Impressive. Isabel: What? Whitaker: You. Coming here like this. I see my mistake. It wasn't her I was looking for. Isabel: Then why did you take her? Whitaker: Thought she was you. But neither of you looks like you did in the other life. I knew I needed one of the female hybrids. It was a 50/50 chance. Isabel: Oh, God. What is it you want from us? Whitaker: Where's the granilith? Isabel: The what? Whitaker: The granilith. Don't pretend you don't know. We've been looking for it. We can't exist here like you...not in our natural state. We don't have the DNA. All we have are these...uh, skins. Our limit is 50 years. My time is almost up. I need to find the granilith if it's the last thing I do. Isabel: I don't know what you're talking about. Whitaker: You're hiding it. The four of you. The royalty they tried to save by sending you here. You're gonna help us. Isabel: Never. Whitaker: You did before. You will again. Isabel: You killed Nasedo, didn't you? Whitaker: To save you. Isabel: From what? Whitaker: The other 3. You belong with us, our race. We're in charge now. Your kind doesn't rule anymore. Isabel: I'm not one of you. Whitaker: You don't remember, do you? Let me give you a piece of history about your planet. Your name was Vilandra, and you were beautiful...even more beautiful than you are now. You had a great love...and for him...for us...you betrayed your brother, your race. Isabel: No. Whitaker: You sacrificed him. You sacrificed everyone...even yourself. And history, my dear, always repeats itself. Isabel: God, you liar. We're leaving. Tess, come on. Come on. Whitaker: Not until you tell me where you're hiding the granilith. Isabel: I told you before, I don't know what you're talking about. Whitaker: Well, maybe this will help jog your memory. (Whitaker raises her hand and an invision force knocks Tess into the air. She lands with a thud) Tess: Uhh! Unh! Isabel: Stop it! Stop hurting her! Whitaker: I'll stop when you tell me what I want to know. (Isabel helps Tess to her and feet and then jumps with her through the window to the platform below. They start making their way to the exit and Whitaker gives chase) Isabel: Come on. (Isabel and Tess make it to the outside. Whitaker also makes it to the outside. She tears off an electrical cable. Max sees them from the gate to the power facility) Max: Isabel! Whitaker: Where's the granilith? Isabel: Get away from us! Whitaker: I'll destroy you. I'll destroy you all if I have to. (Whitaker uses her power to start sending a stream of electrical sparks through the cable towards Isabel and Tess) Isabel: No. No! Get away from us! (Isabel holds out her hand and an invisible force reflects the electricity back at Whitaker. She blows up in a hail of shedded skin) (Max, Sheriff Valenti, Michael, and Maria rush in to help. Sheriff Valenti carries Tess to his car) Max: What happened? Isabel: It was Whitaker. She killed Nasedo. Max: It's ok. Isabel: No, it's not. It's not ok. Max: I guess you were right about Grant. I'm gonna have to trust your instincts. Isabel: I didn't know I was capable of this. Max: You're getting stronger. Isabel: We all are. Nasedo said we would. Max: We have to protect each other. What you did for Tess, I know you would do for me, and I would do for you. No one can come between us. Isabel: Max, she said things. Max: What kind of things? Isabel: Something about a granilith. Michael: I know how I...after I used my powers on Pierce...so, uh, if you want to talk or something... Isabel: I think I just need to be alone. (Isabel goes to the pod chamber by herself) Isabel: Happy birthday, Isabel. I'm 18 today, mother. October 25th. At least that's the day we've always celebrated as my birthday. But you're the only one really who knows the real day. I guess that's why I came to the place, the only place I've ever seen you. I hold...I hold on to that day, but you disappeared, and the picture of you was already fading, and it's all I had. I was so happy because you were beautiful and warm, and I even thought I looked like you. But it wasn't you...not really. God, I don't know what you look like. Maybe I'll never know. It isn't fair. It isn't fair. I need you. I need you. Where are you? Oh, God, it's my birthday. We should be together. How could you leave us? How could you tell us all this important information about destinies and saving the world and then just disappear? Oh, God. I...I killed a person...uh, an...an enemy, an...an alien? Does that make it ok? Oh, God. What was she talking about? What was she talking about? She said I betrayed my family. Is it true? Is it true? Am I a terrible person? Answer me. Answer me. Come on, answer me! (Isabel grabs a nearby rock and throws it at the pods in frustration. There is a glow from one of the pod chambers. Isabel crawls into one of the pods. At the back of that chamber, a previously hidden door slides open, revealing a humming alien device. The scene fades out with Isabel gazing upon the granilith) Isabel: The granilith.

Isabel is deeply moved when Max throws her a surprise birthday party, but she grows troubled after seeing visions of a bound and gagged Tess. Meanwhile, Alex does an interesting cop striptease for Isabel; Congresswoman Whitaker is revealed as Nasedo's killer and as a Skin. Isabel also learns some information about her past life on Antar.

fd_Angel_03x07

fd_Angel_03x07_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Wes: "The host reads their souls, senses their futures." Cordy: "Yes, but he can only do it when they sing Karaoke." Cordy: "Imagine what could have happened if you'd gone nuts and slept with Darla!" Angel throws Darla through the glass doors. Angel and Darla on the bed kissing and ripping each others clothes off Angel: "You know I would never do that." Angel wakes beside Darla and jerks upright in bed. Angel: "Get dressed and get out, because the next time I see you I will have to kill you." Shaman: "I can not help you. No one can. This is not meant to be known." Darla rubbing her pregnant belly: "Well, I guess there's only one thing left to do. Time to go visit daddy." Rome 1771 Some rats scurry along an underground sewer tunnel. Angelus runs by. He looks behind him and sees a group of monks carrying torches coming his way. Turns a corner, only to see other torch carrying groups of monks down a couple other branches. Angelus comes up on a sewer grate. He pulls the center grating loose, steps through, then wedges it back in place behind him. As he turns, he stumbles, tumbles down the slanting tunnel, crashes through another grate and lands on the floor of some underground chamber lit by torches. He is surrounded by monks with crossbows aimed at him. A pair of double doors swing open behind him, letting in bright sunlight. Angelus throws himself to the ground out of the direct light surrounded by a thin cloud of smoke. A rider brings his horse to a stop just inside the doors and dismounts. One of the monks leads the horse away as the rider makes his way over to a red robbed priest, while Angelus is picks himself up from the floor. Holtz: "Mille grazie, Monsignore. Sono nel vostro debito." Subtitles: "Thank you, Monsignor. I am in your debt." Monsignor (st): "No, this animal murdered your family. (Points at Angelus) Hold the beast!" Chains wrap around Angelus upper arms and chest. Holtz steps closer to Angelus: "Monsignor Rivalli, performed the ceremony when Caroline and I were wed. You remember Caroline?" Angelus: "Pretty lass. Hearty screamer." Holtz: "The good monsignor has since then been excommunicated. The order he founded, Inquisitore, adheres to the old beliefs. They're traditionalists and quite good at their work. Let's get started, shall we?" Holtz takes a sharp hook and some knives from one of the monks. We see the hook digging into the side of Angelus' neck, hear some cloth ripping. Angelus: "Ah. Aah!" We see the sun rise and set while hearing Angelus' screams in the background. The monsignor is walking cross the room, reading a book. Holtz is sitting on a bench, drinking from a cup. We hear some monks recite in the background and Angelus gasping in pain. Holtz: "You lost me in North Africa. I knew you'd come back to Europe, but *Rome* Angelus? (Gets up and walks around Angelus, suspended from the ceiling by chains around his wrists) Why in Gods name would you come to the seat of all that's holy?" Angelus: "Darla - she loves the Sistine chapel." Holtz: "Michelangelo?" Angelus: "Not him. She's mad about Botticelli's frescos. (Groans) The Temptation of Christ is her favorite - probably because of the leper. (Sighs) What do you want, Holtz?" Holtz picks up a three-pronged claw and looks at it. Holtz: "I don't want anything. My family is gone. I don't trust you to give me Darla, although I *will* find her, you know that. My only desire here - is to discover if a thing such as yourself can be made to pay for its sins. (Holtz digs the claw-thingy in somewhere below Angelus waist (off screen) and Angelus groans in pain) You're a demon. It is your nature to maim and kill. But you were also once a man. If we beat and burn the demon out of your living flesh, will there be anything left? (Holtz digs the claw in again and Angelus groans in pain) Anything at all? I doubt it. But I'm willing to spend the next fortnight of my life finding out. - In either event - you have no soul, you can not be saved." A flaming arrow streaks across the room and buries itself in one of the monks. Darla: "Sorry it took me so long darling." Darla is standing in a tunnel opening, holding a crossbow loaded with another flaming arrow. There are other vampires with her. Darla: "Kill them." Darla fires her flaming bolt, hitting Holtz in the shoulder. The vampires streak past her and attack the monks. Several vampires get staked by the monks during the fight, but that doesn't slow the rest of them down. Monsignor confronts Darla with a cross held in front of him. Monsignor: "Vai' all inferno, demonio lordo! (caption) Go to hell foul demon!" Darla pushes the cross aside, then sends the Monsignor flying into a wall. Darla: "No, grazie, padre." The double doors that Holtz rode in through is pulled down and a horse and carriage driven by a blanket shrouded vampire trot in. Darla unclips Angelus chains. Two other vampires catch him under the arms and drop him onto the back of the cart. Holtz tries to get up. Darla knocks him across the chin, then joins a groaning Angelus on the cart. Angelus: "Darlin'?" Darla: "What?" Angelus: "Shouldn't we be killing Holtz?" Darla: "I know, but it's just so much fun ruining his life. He's like family now." Angelus pulls Darla into a kiss as a vampire covers them with a tarp. The wagon heads out into the sunlight, with the blanket shrouded vamp at the reins. A public bus (Downtown LA - Hollywood) pulls over to the side of a dark and deserted street in LA. Darla: "Right here is fine. (To bus driver) Thanks for the lift. That didn't take long at all. (Gets off the bus) And they say there is no public transportation in LA." The bus driver turns slowly and looks towards the back of the bus. Three passengers are slumped in their seats with twin puncture wounds visible on their necks. Four other people are huddled down in the back of the bus. Bus driver fumbles out his radio: "Help! We got a code twelve on the 5-8 line! We need help here now, for god's sake. Now!" Darla walks away across the street. Intro Cordy is arranging some flowers in a vase down in the basement of the Hyperion. Angel walks into the training area and sees that there are several vases of them scattered around the room. Angel: "What's this?" Cordy: "Oh, it's just so dark and lifeless down here, I thought I'd brighten it up a little for you. (Angel picks up one of the vases) You can't exactly go out and enjoy the sunny fields of nature, but that doesn't mean we can't bring a little bloom into your darkness." Angel: "They're fake." Cordy: "Yeah. You put something real in this hellhole and it die (snaps her fingers) like that." Angel puts the flowers down, looking at Cordy. Cordy: "Thank you, Cordelia?" Angel: "You know, I've been around a long time..." Cordy: "Which reminds me. Next birthday, you think we could skip the two-hundred and fifty odd candles on the cake and the inevitable fire marshal and just go and just go with a little song?" Angel: "And I've never known anyone like you." Cordy: "Well, duh! Times a wasting, big guy. Can we do it? (Takes on a stance) Hi-yeah!" Angel chuckling: "Okay. Last time we were working on not pulling your punches and your kicks. Right? Don't worry about me. (Cordy hits him and he deflects the punch with his arm) That's good. (Cordy swipes at him again) Good! Where is your weight? (Angel looks down) Balls of your feet?" Cordy swings and hits him across the face full force. Cordy: "Oops! Oh god, you said that... (Angel straightens back up, smiling) Are you okay?" Angel: "I'm a vampire. You can't hurt me. Good." Angel turns away from her and makes a face, gingerly feeling his nose. Cordy: "You're off your game. It's because of the prophecy Wes and Gunn are trying to get their hands on. You think the end is coming." Angel turns back to face her: "The end is not coming. Someone is always uncovering some ancient scroll, and they're always saying the same thing: that something terrible is coming. Do you know how many of these things I've seen in my very long life?" Cordy: "Four?" Angel: "Three. But there's nothing to worry about." Cordy: "Then way are Gunn and Wesley breaking and entering right now?" Angel: "Breaking and entering is such a negative term. They are simply retrieving some missing pieces from the Nyazian Scroll. Just to make sure..." Cordy: "That the end is coming. - Well, all we can do is live each moment to the fullest and be grateful that we didn't throw too much money at the NASDAQ." Angel blinking his eyes and lifting a hand towards his face: "Am I swelling?" Camera sweeps over some big houses, surrounded by big gardens on a sunny plateau with some mountains in the background. Pans past some old oil paintings and statuary to show Wes, dressed in black, sneaking up on the window and look into the window from outside. Wes motions and Gunn walks up beside him. Wes: "Step one: Dobermans are happily gnawing on the steak. Alarm and vid lines are disabled (pulls out a scanner and looks at its display) no infrared. Caught a break there. Step two: we cut a hole in the glass, snake in the mini-cam and scan the interior." Gunn walks over to look in the glass door while Wes pulls glasscutter with a suction cup out of his duffel bag and attaches it to the window. Wes: "If it's all clear, we disable the locks and bolts on the side door thus completing... (Gunn tries the door and it swings open) ...step three." Wes closes up his duffel and moves over to follow Gunn inside, then hurries back to detach the suction cup from the window and stow it in his bag while Gunn waits for him inside. Wes hurries in and motions for Gunn to close the patio door. They open the doors into an adjacent room, in which all sorts of things are on display. Gunn looks around and whistles. Wes: "Can you believe this?" Gunn looking around: "Some guys collect old cars, some guys collect..." Gunn flinches back as he spots a misshapen, one-eyed demon head in a glass case. Then he and Wes lean in for a closer look. Gunn: "It's like - the eye follows you wherever you go." Wes walks over to a bottle sitting on a pedestal, pulls out the stopper and takes a sniff before closing it again. Wes: "Alright. If you were the priceless remnants of the lost Nyazian Scroll, where would you be?" Gunn: "If I was priceless - I'd be in the vault." Wes: "The vault? Your snitch never said anything about a vault!" Gunn: "I got a bad feeling about this." Wes: "We figure something out. It's just a - vault." Gunn: "Actually my bad feeling is more about the man standing behind you with the large revolver." Wes turns to see a guy standing in the door aiming a gun at them. Man: "Move and I'll kill you. The man edges into the room and reaches for the telephone with one hand while still aiming the gun at them with the other. Wes: "I hope you're calling the police." Man: "You bet I am." Wes: "Good. You can explain to them why you keep so much GHB on hand. (Wes walks over to the bottle on the pedestal) You know, Rohypnol, the date rape drug." Man: "What?" Wes indicates the bottle: "Muslok Trancing Amalgam. Under the microscope it's virtually indistinguishable from GHB." The man slowly puts the receiver back down. Man: "Alright. I won't call the police." Wes: "I'm glad we understand each other." Man: "Until after I kill you." Wes: "Oh." Gunn picks up four red glass balls out of a bowl on another stand. Gunn: "Hey, these worth a lot?" Man: "Yes. They're Cyopian conjuring spheres." Gunn: "How much? Four figures each? Five? (Starts to juggle two of the balls with one hand) More?" Man: "Stop that!" Gunn: "Put the weapon down." When the man hesitates, Gunn lets one of the balls drop and it shatters with a liquid splash as it hits the floor. Gunn: "Kind of delicate. (Juggles the remaining three with both hands) Look, we're not thieves, we're investigators. Now, we need to look at your Nyazian Scrolls. Put the weapon down, because - I'm getting kind of tired here." Man: "Alright!" Man puts the revolver down on a glass case and Wes retrieves it. Gunn drops another ball (the owner lets out a fearful gasp) only to bounce it off his foot and catch it again. Gunn: "I always wanna give them a big finish. Fred comes down the basement stairs of the Hyperion. Cordy: "Ow. That doesn't feel right." Angel: "Just relax. You have to bend." Cordy: "I don't bend there. - Okay. Now that's downright unnatural." Angel: "I know it feels strange, but if an attacker comes at you from behind, you wanna be able to shift all your weight immediately to your other foot so you can spin and kick. Here, you try it." Cordy spins and kicks up against Angel's chest. Angel catches her, one arm around her leg another around her waist to keep her from falling. Angel: "Whoa! Easy. Alright. That's alright. (Lowers her leg and lets go of her) That's better. We'll keep - working on it. Okay. That's probably enough for today." Cordy: "Yeah, well, we could do more of it, but then I'd have to ice every bone in my body. See you." Cordy walks towards the stairs, one hand pressed against the small of her back. Cordy: "Hey, Fred." Fred: "Hey! - Kye-rumption." Cordy walking up the stairs: "Well - back at you." Angel: "What did you say?" Fred: "Kye-rumption. It's the one nice word I remember from the Pylean hell dimension." Angel: "What's it mean?" Fred: "It's when two great heroes meet on the field of battle and recognize their mutual fate. It's also a kind of grog made out of the ox dung but that's archaic." Angel: "Oh, ah, that's interesting." Fred: "When I see you and Cordelia sparring Kye-rumption always comes to mind." Angel after a beat: "Me and Cordelia." Fred: "I know. She's such a hero, with the visions and the courage. It's only natural that you and she would be drawn to one another. - Oh! Plastic flowers! (Hurries over to one of the vases) My favorite! They never fade, you know." Angel: "Oh, whoa, wait a minute. There's nothing going on between me and Cordelia." Fred: "Nothing but Moira." Angel: "Who's Moira?" Fred: "Moira is the gut physical attraction between two larger than life souls." Angel: "Ha. No, there is no attraction. Cordelia is a friend. Someone I work with. That's all." Fred grinning: "See? You're being chivalrous. Because you 're a hero, just like her. You got Kye-rumption!" Angel: "Stop using that word!" Wes: "What's going on down here?" Angel: "Nothing." Wes: "I believe Fred's been through enough recently without people shouting at her." Fred: "He didn't mean anything by it." Wes just stands there, looking at the floor. Angel: "Is there something you wanted?" Wes: "Yes. (Looks at Fred) Gunn and I were hoping you could give us a hand with the Nyazian Prohecies. We need someone who can do the math." Fred: "Sure!" Fred starts up the stairs. Wes looks around: "Who gave you all the flowers?" Angel: "Nobody." Gunn is throwing darts at a board in the office at the Hyperion. Wes is sitting at the desk, writing. Fred is sitting beside him, working on the laptop. Cordy is at her own desk. Gunn: "So, how are you doing there, Fred?" Fred: "Oh, it's a simple equation, really. The ancient Roman calendar has fourteen hundred and sixty-four days in a four-year cycle. The Etruscan, Sumerian, and Druidian each have their own cycles. You work forward from the presumed day of the prophecy under each calendar, factoring in our own three hundred and sixty-five day calendar and accounting for a three day discrepancy for every four years and..." Angel walks into the lobby, he sees Cordy sitting at her desk and stops before anyone notices he's there. Fred: "Oh. - That can't be right. - Unless the world ended last March." Gunn: "So, are we talking Armageddon - or bad house number? (Sits down in the chair in front of Wes desk) Is it a bad event - or a bad guy?" Wes: "It's not clear on that. It predicts the arrival or arising of the Tro-clan, the person or being that brings about the ruination of mankind." Gunn: "So it's a two for one. Isn't that nice." Wes: "And I'm not sure on the translation. Ruination may in fact mean purification." Gunn: "Purification? So this Tro-clan is a good thing?" Wes: "I doubt that. But it's purification in Aramaic, ruination in ancient Greek and in the lost Ga-shundi language it means both." Cordy: "And you don't want to make the same mistake twice." Cordy looks up from her desk at Wes, who looks down at his papers. Wes: "No." Fred: "What mistake?" Wes: "There was another prophecy a while back. It seemed to be about Angel and contained the word 'Shanshu' which I thought meant to die and I - sort of told Angel..." Cordy: "...that we was going to die." Fred: "Oh, no." Wes: "Then I found out it also meant to live. It meant to die and to live." Fred: "So - which is it?" Wes: "Both. In his case it meant that some day the vampire in him might die, but the human in him might live." Angel is standing at a corner in the lobby, listening. Fred: "That he would be like a normal man?" Angel slowly lifts his head and looks at Cordy working at her desk. Wes: "Yes." Fred: "Wow. What would we do if that happened?" Cordy: "I'd buy him some plaid shirts and take him to the beach. The boy needs some color." Fred goes back to typing on the laptop. Fred: "There. That came out better. - Oh. No it didn't. It's still very preliminary, but - if these calculations are correct, this bad thing should already be here. (Looks around) Well, I-I guess not right here, but - here in LA." Angel walks into the reception area and sits down. Fred: "Let me run these numbers again." Cordy: "Hey." Angel: "Hey." Cordy after a while: "Why are you looking at me like that?" Angel: "Ah, no reason." After a moment Cordy gets up and walks past Angel to pour a cup of coffee. Cordy: "Okay. It's getting creepy now." Angel: "I was just thinking about things. - People. You know. How they relate. Take you and me for instance. We're very different. *Very* different. Obviously (points at Cordy) human (points at himself) vampire. (points a Cordy) Woman (points at himself) man...pire." Cordy: "Has someone been putting vodka in your blood?" Angel laughs: "See? You're funny! And I, well I get off a good one every once in a while, but you..." Cordy, sipping her coffee: "Angel, are you trying to say you love me?" Angel: "What?" Cordy: "I love you too." Angel: "You do? When did this..." Cordy yells towards Wes open office door: "Angel loves me. I love him." Angel: "Oh, my god!" Cordy: "You guys love us and we love you." Fred, Wes and Gunn chorus: "We love you Angel." Cordy: "They were all saying it earlier. Just in case this prophecy comes true and we all die. - You're not gonna wanna hug, are you?" Angel clears his throat and sits back shaking his head: "No." Cordy goes back to her desk: "God knows we've been through a lot together." Angel: "That's really all I was trying to say, that we've been through so much together, you and me, as *friends.* You've seen the - good, - and the not so good." Cordy: "Just like you have in me. And for the record: the good I've seen far outweighs the bad." Angel after a beat: "Thanks. You, too." Cordy: "Hey, what are friends for?" Darla: "If you ask me, they're for knocking you up and leaving you high and dry." Angel spins around to see a very pregnant Darla standing on the top landing leading down into the lobby from outside. Darla: "Hello, lover. Long time no see." Break Angel: "Darla." Cordy: "Darla?" Wes: "Darla!" Fred: "Who's Darla?" Gunn: "Angel's old flame from way back." Fred: "Not the one that died?" Gunn: "Yeah. No, not that one. The other one that died and came back to life. She's a vampire." Fred: "Y'all have a chart or something?" Gunn: "In the files. I'll get it for you later." Angel: "Well, when did this happen?" Darla comes down the steps: "You know *exactly* when it happened." Cordy: "Angel - did - you and Darla...?" Angel: "Uh..." Cordy turns to look at him. Angel: "This is impossible." Darla: "Tell me about it - daddy!" Cordy: "You slept with her?" Angel: "Vampires can't have children. Wesley?" Wes: "Ah, no, he's right. It's not possible." Cordy: "That's not what I asked." Darla: "You know we can't. I know we can't. But - we did." Fred: "I wonder if this might not be that bad thing we were expecting." Darla: "What did you do to me?" She hits Angel across the face and he stumbles back against the weapons cabinet behind him. Cordy steps between Angel and Darla: "Stop that!" Angel: "It's okay. It's alright. I'm okay." Cordy: "You'll hurt her! Haven't you done enough? (Turns to Darla) Here, sit down. You should get off your feet." Cordy leads Darla over to the round settee, then looks back at the others. Cordy: "Can we get her some water?" Fred turns to go get it. Angel: "Cordy that's *Darla.* Maybe you don't want to..." Cordy: "Did you or did you not look me in the eye and say that you would *never* do a thing like this with her?" Darla: "Oh, he lied? What a surprise." Fred carrying a glass of water: "Hi. I'm Fred. Is water okay, or did you want some blood?" Darla takes the water as Wes gently pulls Fred back away from Darla. Angel: "Cordy. I'm sorry - I lied. It was just - it was a very dark time." Cordy: "Oh! You used her to make *you* feel better during *your* dark time. Well, that makes it *all* heroic." Angel: "It wasn't like that. It just - happened. It wasn't like I went *evil* or anything, I just..." Cordy: "You just went male. (brushes the hair out of Darla's face) Have you been to a doctor." Darla gives her a look: "No. But I have been to every shaman and seer in the Western Hemisphere." Wes: "And what did they say?" Darla: "They don't know what it is. They don't know what it means. Nothing like this has ever happened." Angel: "Maybe it's an hysterical pregnancy." Darla: "You wanna feel it kick?" Cordy: "Does it kick a lot?" Darla: "Like crazy." Angel: "well, now wouldn't that be the first sign of... (Cordy gives him a look) ...hysteria?" Cordy: "What can we do for you?" Darla: "Well, you can get you little gang of supernatural detectives to find out what the hell is happening to me and how to stop it." Cordy looking at Darla: "Are you gonna take some responsibility here? (Looks up at Angel) Angel?" Angel: "Oh, me? - Of course I am. - Wes, lets get on this right now." Wes: "What do you suggest?" Angel: "I suggest you use your books and find out what's going on. What, do I have to think of everything?" Wes picks up a book from the counter and opens it. Wes: "Oh, here it is." Darla straightens up in her seat and Angel walks over to Wes. Wes: "It says 'I have absolutely no idea what's going on.' (Closes the book) We should talk to the host." Lorne: "Oh, this is all wrong." The camera pulls back and we see that he is looking at two people holding up a modern painting. Lorne: "Try it on the back wall. Far away from where folks might be eating." Muses: "Violence abounds, violence restrain, this space a sanctuary was and shall be again." Lorne: "That's great girls. - Hey, Arnie, why 're you charging me twelve hundred over the estimate here?" Arnie: "Had to run a separate two twelve to the security box. Double insulation everywhere in the building. Plus, we had a run on Kek bile and Bin-der glands. And you know what you said: 'This club's my baby. I want top drawer through out." Angel: "Lorne! You here? - You got to help me. We got (looks back at the others filing in behind him) kind of a situation on our hands." Muses: "Mmm, Angel." Cordy: "And here we have three more of Angel's chippies. You girls are on the pill I hope." Muses: "Mmm." Angel smiles and waves at them then walks over to lean in close to Lorne. Angel: "What are they doing here?" Lorne: "They're here to help recast the sanctuary spell to prevent violence in the club. And this time I'm covering demons *and* humans. I'm opening the club again. I know I was blue for a pretty long time. If it'd gone on much longer I would have turned aquamarine. (Lorne is the only one laughing) And now that the ice is broken (turns to Darla) what happened here?" Darla: "What's it look like?" Cordy: "Angel boned her." Angel: "Just once. Just the one night. Ah, just the two or three one times that one night..." Fred: "Is Angel gonna sing?" Gunn: "Oh!" Wes: "I suppose he has to." Cordy: "She's carrying the baby!" Darla grabs Lorne by the lapels, pulls herself in close and starts to sing: "Oh, Danny boy... What the hell's inside me?" Lorne: "Oh, no, no, no. We're way past singing, mes enfants. This is a brand new day here. (To the club at large) Alright every body, that's a wrap! (People and demons start filing out) We'll finish the spell tomorrow. We got a little crisis brewing. Thanks for coming! Check's in the mail! Get the hell out." Muses, speaking in turn: "Bye Angel, come see us soon. Mmm..." Cordy: "Men!" Lorne: "This is way beyond my ken - and my Barbie and *all* my action figures. If it's alive..." Darla: "Oh, it's alive! And kicking!" Lorne: "It could be anything. A child born to two vampires..." Gunn: "Maybe it's some kind of 'ueber'- vamp." Wes: "The Nyazian prophecies mention a Tro-clan." Fred: "That's supposed to be here about now." Lorne: "Born out of darkness to bring darkness." Angel: "Great. So, we're saying that my child is - the scourge of mankind?" Darla moans. Cordy: "You guys are upsetting her! (To Lorne) I think she needs to lie down." Lorne: "Yeah, of course. She can have my bedroom." Lorne and Cordy help Darla up and start to lead her towards the back of the club. When Angel starts to follow Cordy stops him. Cordy: "We can handle it." Cordy and Lorne lead Darla into Lorne's bedroom. Cordy: "I think we should call a doctor." Darla: "It'll pass. I just have to - let it." Darla lets herself drop onto the bed and Cordy sits down on the edge of it beside her. Cordy: "I'll stay with her." Lorne: "If you need anything, just holler." Cordy: "Okay." Lorne leaves the room. Angel: "I don't accept this. These stupid prophecies, you can always interpret them a hundred ways from Sunday. How do we even know your calculations are correct?" Fred: "I don't. I'm still working on them." Gunn: "Well, we do know that Darla is pregnant with something!" Angel: "That's biologically impossible." Lorne: "And mystically unfair. You've fought long and hard for good. If your destiny is to spawn something evil..." Angel: "I don't see how anything spawned by Darla and me could be good." Wes: "You know the first prophecy that said that the vampire with a soul would be pivotal in the battle between good and evil?" Gunn: "That Shanshu one?" Wes: "Maybe it's not you. Maybe your child is a pivotal figure. Maybe your destiny is simply to help bring to the world." Angel after a beat: "Or to stop it." Fred: "Can I say something about destiny?- Screw destiny! If this evil thing comes we'll fight it, and we'll keep fighting it until we whoop it. 'cause destiny is just another word for inevitable and nothing's inevitable as long as you stand up, look it in the eye, and say 'your evitable!' - Well, you- you catch my drift." Lorne: "Wow. I like her so much!" Angel: "I wanna see these prophecies myself, and your calculations, Fred, and anything else we got on this." Fred: "Why don't I go back to the hotel and get everything?" Wes: "Good idea. We put our heads together and figure out a way to fight this thing." Fred leaves and Angel turns to Lorne. Angel: "How's she doing?" Lorne: "Well, she's weary. The poor thing looks like she's about eighteen months pregnant. Hope they're not twins." Angel: "Not her. Cordelia." Lorne: "Oh, ah, I sense that she's - hurt and *pissed* what with the lying and deception and ecetera. You should probably stay out of her way for a while, huh?" Cordy: "How're you feeling?" Darla: "Just crazy." Cordy: "What?" Darla: "Why would anyone bring something into this world?" Cordy: "I was pregnant once. (Laughs and holds out a hand) I was out to here - overnight! Mystical thing. I didn't go to term, but while it lasted, hooh! Talk about uncomfortable! Your back and legs hurt all the time and first you're sick to your stomach and you can't eat anything and then your ravenous! Are you able to eat or do you just..." Darla levers herself up: "What? Drink?" Cordy: "Well, it's - really none of my business, is it? - You should rest (Cordy gets up) and I should (starts to walk towards the door) I'll just be real close by. If there is anything that you need... (Darla morphs into vampface) Anything at all..." Cordy is about to open the door, but Darla is suddenly there, holding the door shut. Darla: "I'm hungry all the time. It's weird." Cordy: "Sure. You're eating for two now. It's only natural." Darla: "No, what's weird is - no matter how much I feed - I can't seem to get full." Cordy punches Darla hard across the face. Follows it up with a second punch, then pulls out a cross to ward Darla off. Cordy: "Pregnant or not, you're *going* to keep your distance." Darla bats the cross aside, grabs Cordy and throws her across the room against a table. Then she clamps a hand over Cordy's mouth to prevent her from screaming and sinks her teeth into the side of Cordy's neck. Break [SCENE_BREAK] As Darla bites her, Cordy gets hit by a vision. Darla backs away from her for a moment while we see flashes of some arcade, then lunges back in - only to get pulled back away by Angel. Angel: "Get away from her!" Angel picks Cordy up and carries over to the bed. Angel: "You're gonna be alright. You're gonna be alright." Cordy holding the side of her neck: "Ouch!" Angel presses a cloth over the neck wound. Angel: "Cordy, you're gonna be all right. I'll kill her for this." Cordy panting: "You're gonna have to find her first." Angel looks around. Darla is gone. Out in the club the others are just picking themselves back up, when Angel comes out, carrying Cordy in his arms. Angel: "She bit Cordy." Lorne: "Oh, sweetie, are you alright?" Angel: "No. Where is she?" Wes: "She got away." Gunn: "We tried to stop her by hitting her fists and feet with our faces, but..." Angel: "We'll take Cordy to a safe place and we'll take care of Darla." Hyperion, night, Cordy is lying on a bed with Angel sitting beside her. Angel: "Are you feeling any better?" Cordy: "Yeah. You don't have to stay with me." Angel: "Gunn's gonna be right here." Cordy lifts her head to look at Gunn: "Thanks." Angel: "I'm not gonna keep telling you how sorry I am. I'm gonna tell you - that she'll never do it again." Cordy: "It was my fault, Angel. I felt sorry for her. She looked so helpless - like a mother. - I forgot what she really was. - I'm starting to feel the pills." Angel gets up and backs away from the bed as Cordy's eyes drift closed. Angel quietly to Gunn: "You see Darla anywhere in range..." Gunn: "I'll take care of it." Angel turns to go. Cordy sits up: "Wait! - When she bit me I had a vision. I almost forgot." Angel comes back and sits back down on the edge of the bed. Angel: "What did you see?" Cordy: "It was like no vision I ever had before. - She's so hungry. - She doesn't know how to make the hunger stop. - I think I know where she's headed." Angel is arming himself from the weapons cabinet. Wes: "I'm not speaking to you as the boss, because I know you wouldn't listen, but you shouldn't do this alone." Angel: "I *have* to do this alone." Wes: "Angel, a normal vampire is strong, and Darla wasn't normal before this. She took down the host, Gunn, and me without even breaking stride. She's stronger than all of us right now, including you, because of what's in her." Angel: "I know. I put it there." Angel turns away and hurries out. Wes: "Why does he think he has to do everything alone?" Fred: "I think he just can't bear to have us see him do it." Wes: "Kill Darla? She did try to kill Cordy - and she's a vampire." Fred: "Who is carrying his child. The one thing he can never have, even if he lives forever." A busy arcade, there are kids and noise everywhere. A little blond boy stands in the middle of the confusion, looking around. Boy: "Mommy? - Mommy? - Mommy?" Darla: "What's wrong, honey? Lost your mommy? (Boy nods) Let's go find her together, hm?" The boy nods and takes her hand. Darla turns to lead him away. Woman: "You're a brave woman! (Darla stops and looks over her shoulder) About to have one, taking another one out to play." Darla: "Oh. I love children. I could just - eat them up." Darla and the woman smile at each other and go their separate ways. Break Cordy is sleeping on the bed, dreaming of Darla biting her and getting the vision. She jerks awake with a gasp. Gunn comes over and sits down on the edge of the bed. Gunn: "Hey, hey! It's alright. It's just a dream, okay? I'm right here. She can't hurt you." Cordy: "I have to talk to Wes." Cordy is pacing in Wes' office. Cordy: "It was a dream, but - it was more like a vision." Wes: "About what?" Cordy: "About what's inside Darla. (Sits down) This Tro-clan thing - the prophecies say that it will be born - or it will arise?" Wes: "It says both. The middle English eyrizan and the Gothic urreisan, both mean to appear, to spring up." Fred: "Angel's not answering his phone. Should I leave a message on his voice mail?" Cordy: "He doesn't know how to use his voice mail. Just try his pager." Wes: "There is also a reference to the Tro-clan being boren, which is pretty plain middle English for being born, to bear." We hear a pager go off. Gunn checks his belt, then gets up and walks over and pulls Angel's pager out of the pocket of the coat hanging in the corner of Wes' office. Gunn: "Well, we found Angel's beeper." Wes: "What is it, Cordy? What is the vision trying to tell you?" Cordy: "I think they're trying to tell me *why* Darla is craving younger victims." Darla is crouched in front of the little boy in a deserted corner of the arcade. Boy: "Ma'am, I don't think my mom is back here." Darla: "Are you sure? Did you look?" The boy looks around. Boy: "I don't see anybody." He turns back to see that Darla has morphed and lets out a scream. Angel runs across some of the arcade games and tackles Darla against the wall and slams the stake in his hand towards her heart. Darla puts up a hand to ward it off the stake pierces her hand until it comes out on the other side. The boy runs away screaming, straight into his mother's arms out in the crowd. Mother: "There you are! (Catches him up in her arms and hugs him close) Where have you been? How many times have I told you not to wander off!" Darla tosses Angel out from the deserted section. The mother's eyes widen as Angel lands on top of some tables, over turning them. People in the crowd see Darla follow him out, still wearing her vampface and turn to run away, screaming. Darla pulls the stake out of her right palm and lets it drop as she walks towards Angel. Darla: "You *so* want to play the good guy, don't you? Yeah. You're the good guy who did *this* to me." Hauls back and knocks Angel across the face, slamming him against one of the games. Darla: "You may have the face, but you don't know the hunger! It pounds! You can't make it go away! You can't stop it!" Angel: "I'll stop it!" He hauls back and hits Darla. The two of them fight. In the end Angel manages to grab Darla by the throat and push her up against the wall. Darla: "How could you put this in me? I *hate* you!" Darla hits him again, but Angel refuses to let go of her throat. Darla: "They breathe. They breathe and pound. I don't breathe, you idiot! You can't strangle me!" Darla laughs. Angel: "I'm not gonna strangle you." Angel pulls her away and slams her back up against the wall, pulling out another stake. Darla: "Come on! Do it! (Angel hesitates) Do it!" Angel slowly lowers the stake and looks down at Darla's belly. We hear a heartbeat. Angel slowly steps back from Darla. Darla lunges, grabs a hold of Angel's jacket and shakes him. Darla: "Do it! Do it! Make it stop!" Angel gently restrains her, wrapping her tightly in his arms and pulling her up against his chest. Angel: "No it won't, Darla. Darla, listen to me." Darla: "Make it stop! Make it stop." Angel: "The child. The child has a heartbeat. It has a soul." Darla flailing wildly: "No! Not my child! No!" Angel: "Our child. Ourchild. Our child. That's why you've been craving purer and purer blood. That's why it's been driving you out of your mind. It has a soul." Darla collapses against Angel's chest, sobbing: "No, it doesn't." Angel holding her: "It does." Darla: "It can't." Angel quietly: "Yes, it does. It does." Angel helps Darla to lay back down on a bed in the Hyperion and hands her a mug. Angel: "Here, drink this." Darla takes a gulp then makes face. Darla: "Pig's blood?" Angel: "You need to keep yourself nourished. You'll get used..." Darla throws the pug against the wall, shattering it and splashing the wall with blood. Angel: "You're not alone in this anymore. We'll deal with this together." Darla: "Gosh. I'm the luckiest vampire girl in the whole world. - Get away from me." Angel gets up: "Try and get some sleep." Darla: "How's Cordy? She wanna come up and visit?" Laughs. Angel walks up to Gunn, standing in the door holding a loaded crossbow. Angel: "She goes near Cordy, or Fred..." Gunn lifting the bow: "I know." Angel: "Don't underestimate her. The woman is stronger than all of us right now." Angel walks down into the lobby and sees Cordy and Wes leaning over an open book on the reception counter together. Angel: "You're not to go near Darla for any reason without me, Gunn, and a lot of crossbows standing between you. You understand?" Cordy: "Oh, yeah. And if I forget (indicates the bandage on the side of her neck) I have a nice little reminder." Angel: "That goes for you, too, Fred." Fred looks up from the laptop: "Gotcha." Angel goes to sit down on the settee in the middle of the lobby and Cordy walks over to him. Cordy: "So, I guess you're gonna be a father." Angel after a beat: "Guess I am." Cordy: "I felt it in my dream. The same thing you did - when you found her. (Sits down beside him) It has a soul." Wes: "Well, Angel has a soul. It makes sense. As much as any of this does." Angel looks down at his folded hands. Wes: "Angel, even with a soul, she could give birth to what's spoken of in the prophecies." Angel looks at Wes: "The thing that's coming to kill and burn us all? - I know that. - I also know the child is mine." Wes: "Right." Cordy: "Well! Another big fun day at Angel Investigations. (Gets up) What do you say we pour ourselves a good stiff..." Fred: "Uh-oh." Cordy: "A good, stiff uh-oh?" Fred: "Remember before when I said I thought that maybe, possibly, perhaps I might have been off in my earlier calculations? And you asked Wes if he thought if the Tro-clan was prophesied to arise or be born and he said it could be both? And we all know that the Latin for arrive is arripare, to come to land or possibly in this instance simply to come to, as from a deep sleep?" Angel, Wes: "Fred!" Fred: "Right. I believe that whatever this thing is, it's arriving right about (looks down at a watch) three, two, now." A busy section of LA, night, people are walking past, talking. The camera sinks through the ground down into a round chamber, lit by fires in the alcoves along the wall. The ceiling is supported by a circle of pillars. A stone statue and two bowls holding more flames are set up, forming an equal triangle inside the circle of pillars. A demon walks in and stops in front of the statue. Sahjhan: "The weight of time is heavy on the world. And all men born must die. But there are worlds unknown, where dreamers dream and sleepers sleep, and patiently await. As pledged in Caladan by Cod-she, (Sahjhan steps back and throws some powder at the statue) One shall awaken in the first year of the final century. That one, who lived before and joined Cod-she in the great sleep. Arise, as was promised and foretold. Arise. - Arise!" Nothing happens. The demon turns away and walks over to one of the fires and lights himself a cigarette. Turns back to watch the statue, puffing. Checks his watch. Takes another drag. Suddenly the room begins to shake and blue lighting flashes. The eyes of the statue suddenly turn into two open, human looking eyes. The statue cracks then crumbles to the ground in a cloud of dust. The demon puts out his cigarette and walks over to the figure huddled in the middle of what's left of the statue. Sahjhan: "Welcome to the twenty first century. (Crouches down and puts a hand on the back of the figure) Angelus is here. You'll see him soon. - You haven't used your muscles in a very long time. It will be a while before you're strong enough to..." The figure suddenly straightens up. It's Holtz. Holtz: "Just tell me where he is."

Darla comes back to LA, bringing Angel news of their baby. As Team Angel tries to find out how a vampire pregnancy is even possible, Angel must deal with his growing feelings for Cordy and his new fears about what sort of "child" Darla might be carrying. Meanwhile, one of Angel's old enemies arrives in LA looking for vengeance.

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_04x24

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_04x24_0

Scene: The Cheesecake Factory Penny: Hey, you guys ready to order? Howard: Uh.. Leonard: Sure Penny: Okay, Priya? Priya: Uh, I'll have the Shepherd's Pie. You want to split that with me? Leonard: Oh, no, no, no, he doesn't. Priya: Why not? Leonard: Well, you have milk in the taters, milk in the gravy, parmesan crust. Your lactose-intolerant boyfriend will turn into a gas-filled Macy's Day balloon. Sheldon: Not quite accurate. The Macy's balloons are filled with helium, whereas Leonard produces copious amounts of methane. Leonard: So, no, on the Shepherd's Pie. Can we move on? Penny: Yeah, a little tip: he says he can eat frozen yoghurt. Do not believe it. Leonard: Sea bass. I'll have the sea bass. Howard: You gotta like this, the girlfriend and the ex-girlfriend bonding over your rooty-tooty stinky booty. Leonard: Kill me. Sheldon: It wouldn'help. The human body is capable of being flatulent for hours after death. Bernadette: Guys, sorry I'm late. I have amazing news. Sheldon: Bernadette, before you change the subject, does anyone have any final comments on Leonard's faulty digestive system? Leonard: So, what's your news, Bernadette? Bernadette: The thesis committee accepted my doctoral dissertation. I'm getting my PhD. Penny: Oh! Sheldon: Oh, congratulations. Penny: Wow, so that means you're a doctor, you're a doctor, you're a doctor, you're a doctor, and Howard, you know a lot of doctors. Howard: Congratulations, honey. Bernadette: Thank you. Leonard: So, Howard, tell us, how's it feel knowing that when you two get married, you'll be referred to as Mr. and Dr. Wolowitz? Sheldon: Unless he takes Bernadette's last name. And considering her advanced status, that could open some doors for him. Howard: Please, this isn't about me. I'm proud of you. Bernadette: Well, you'll be really be proud of this. I was headhunted by a big pharmaceutical company. They're gonna pay me a buttload of money! Howard: What? Leonard: Bernadette, that's great. Howard, do you make a buttload? Howard: Better than what you've got a buttload of. Leonard: Hey, if I roll down the windows in the car, everything's peachy. If you do it, you're still not a doctor. Penny: Yeah, just a heads-up on the car window deal. It helps, but everything is not peachy. Credits sequence. Scene: Raj's apartment. Raj (earphones in, singing): Oh, if there was a problem, you can't solve it, check out the hook while my DJ revolves it. Ice, Ice, baby. Ice, Ice, baby. (Removes headphones and goes to refrigerator). Priya (off): Oh, God, I feel ridiculous in this dress. Leonard (off): You look beautiful, Lieutenant Uhura. Now prepare for inspection. Priya (off): Shh, my brother's going to hear you. Leonard (off): Relax, he's got headphones on. And we're ten miles above Earth in a starship. Raj: Really, ten miles? You're orbiting inside the atmosphere? Moron. Priya (off): I can't believe I'm wearing my brother's Halloween costume. Leonard (off): I can't believe you think he only wears it on Halloween. Open the landing bay doors, shuttle craft approaching. Raj: Okay, gotta go. Scene: Howard's house. Howard: Hey, what's up? Mrs Wolowitz (off): Is that my future daughter-in-law, the doctor? Howard: No, Ma! It's Raj! Mrs Wolowitz (off): He's a doctor too, right? Howard: Yes! Mrs Wolowitz (off): Like Leonard and the skinny weirdo! Howard: Sheldon, yes! Everybody's a doctor but me! Mrs Wolowitz (off): Well, whose fault is that? Howard: What's up? Raj: Leonard's putting disgusting memories in my memory foam mattress. Can I stay here tonight? Howard: Sure, but I'm going out with Bernadette. It'll just be you and my mother. Raj: I guess that's okay. Howard: Ma, can Rajesh sleep over?! Mrs Wolowitz (off): Of course, he and I can play doctor! Raj: She's kidding, right? Howard: I don't know, she's pretty feisty since they put her on hormone-replacement therapy. Mrs Wolowitz (off): Paging Dr. Cutie Pie! Scene: The apartment. Sheldon is talking to Amy on webcam. Sheldon: I must say, Amy, I was very impressed to see that Bernadette got her PhD. Amy: It's indeed admirable. Although, it is microbiology. Sheldon: Your doctorate is in neurobiology. I fail to see the distinction. Amy: I'll make it simple for you. I study the brain, the organ responsible for Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. Bernadette studies yeast, the organism responsible for Michelob Lite. Is there something wrong with your neck? Sheldon: It's a little stiff. What a remarkably fragile structure to support such a valuable payload. Not unlike balancing a Faberge egg on a Pixie Stick. Amy: Have you considered massage? Sheldon: I'd like to respond to that sarcastically. Yes, I relish the thought of a stranger covering my body with oil and rubbing it. Amy: I was proposing you massage your muscles with your own hands. Sheldon: Still sounds like a lot of unnecessary touching. Amy: Trust me. With your right hand, locate the spot where the scapula meets the acromion process. Sheldon: All right. Amy: Now push your third finger along the ridge of the shoulder blade, making a small rotation as you do so. Sheldon: Rotating. Amy: You should feel a small node-like object rolling back and forth along the bone. Sheldon: You mean the myofascial point? Amy: Obviously. Now bear down on it like the seventh grade noogies we all know too well. Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord, yes, yes, oh, yes! Amy, I've never been touched like this before! Oh! Oh, my hands are magic! Amy: Don't flatter yourself. Your hands are blunt tools guided by my knowledge of the nervous system. I could just as easily have paralyzed you. Sheldon: There's someone at my door. Amy: That doesn't interest me. Goodbye. Raj (at door): Can I sleep here tonight? Sheldon: Why? Raj: Leonard's having astronomically inaccurate Star Trek s*x with my sister. Sheldon: I can see how that would be upsetting. Come in. I'll get the sheets and blankets for the couch. Raj: Oh, don't bother. I'll just sleep in Leonard's room. Sheldon: No, I can't authorize that. Raj: Well, he's in my bed. Why can't I be in his? Sheldon: The Hammurabic Code is an eye for an eye, not a bed for a bed. Raj: Come on, dude, I'm exhausted, and Tyra Banks says the most important item in your makeup bag is a good night's sleep. Sheldon: All right. This is a form indemnifying me from your use of Leonard's bedroom. Sign here, indicating that I tried to stop you and did so using a stern facial expression. Raj: Good night, Sheldon. Sheldon: Wait. Not yet. We still have to go over safety procedures. Now, the apartment has three emergency exits located here, here, and here. In the event of a power outage, luminous paint will guide you to the nearest exit. Raj: You're kidding. Sheldon: I never kid about safety. Scene: Leonard's bedroom. Leonard enters, and accidentally sits on Raj. Both exclaim. Leonard: What are you doing here? Raj: I was sleeping. Leonard: In my bed? Raj: Well, I would've slept in my own bed, but it was being used to bring shame to my family. And the memory of Gene Roddenberry. Leonard: Oh, you heard? Raj: Scotty, I need more power. Leonard: Sorry. Does Sheldon know you're sleeping in here? Raj: Are you kidding? He made me sign a waiver, participate in an emergency fire drill and take a refresher course in CPR. Thank God he had a dummy. Leonard: Oh, yeah. Mouth-to-Mouth Mona. You know, she used to date Howard? Raj: Oh, my God, she's that Mona? Why can't you and my sister spend your nights here? Leonard: We tried. She doesn't get along with Sheldon. Raj: Sheldon doesn't get along with Sheldon. It's still no reason for me to have to listen to you arm your photon torpedoes every night. Leonard: Okay, well, how about this. Until Priya gets her own place, you stay here and I'll stay at your apartment. Raj: Can I bring girls here? Leonard: You? Sure. Bring as many as you want. Raj: Okay, deal. Leonard: Just not against their will. Scene: The cafeteria. Leonard: Do you really think you should be eating that cake? Howard: Why? Leonard: If you're gonna be a trophy husband for a rich wife, you might want to watch your waistline. Raj: He's right. A minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips. Howard: Yeah, ha-ha. First of all, I'm not threatened by my fiancée's success. I'm proud of her. And secondly, I have my own career. Leonard: Until you have kids. Sheldon: Good news, Raj. I got the blood work back from the lab. You're okay to stay for a while. Raj: When did you take my blood? Sheldon: Not important. Your sugar was a little high. I'd follow up with your regular physician. In the meantime, I have some paperwork here for you to go over. Raj: What the hell is this? Sheldon: Boilerplate stuff. A modified roommate agreement for a temporary house guest. And a living will and durable power of attorney. Raj: This says you can make end of life decisions for me. Sheldon: As your friend, let's hope it doesn't come to that. Please sign. Raj: Did you sign this? Leonard: There's a reciprocity clause. You get to pull the plug on him, too. Raj: Well, that seems fair. Sheldon: Congratulations and welcome temporarily aboard. Here's your I.D. Card, your key and your lapel pin. Which Leonard was too cool to wear. FYI, part of your responsibilities as roommate pro tem will be to drive me to and from work, the comic book store, the barbershop and the park for one hour every other Sunday for fresh air. Leonard: Bring a ball or a Frisbee, you know, something he can chase. Sheldon: Also, you're tasked with bringing home all takeout dinners. Tonight is Thai food. You'll find the standard order in appendix B or downloadable from my FTP server. If you have any questions, here's the FAQ sheet, or if you prefer the human touch, I do a live web chat called Apartment Talk on Tuesday nights. Leonard: No backsies. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The apartment. Raj: Sheldon, dinner! Sheldon: What is this? Raj: This is the difference between eating and dining. Sheldon: Remarkable. I'm just realizing how much Leonard's been skating by all these years. Raj: It's not a big thing. Just think of me as a brown Martha Stewart. Penny (at door): Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again? Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces. Penny: Thanks. Wow! What's with the fancy spread? Sheldon: My new roommate is bending over backwards to ingratiate himself to me. (Pointing to lapel badge) Uh, nice touch, by the way. Penny: What do you mean, new roommate? What happened to Leonard? Sheldon: The same thing that happened to Homo Erectus. He was replaced by a superior species. Raj: I'm the new Homo in town. That came out wrong. Penny: All right, let me try this again. Where's Leonard? Raj: He's living at my place, so I'm living here. Sheldon: You're living here provisionally. But I must say it's looking good. Penny: Woah, Leonard and Priya are living together? That's big. Sheldon: No. Origami napkin swans, that's the headline. Raj: It's a good thing. Scene: Bernadette's bedroom. Howard: So do you know what kind of research you'll be doing at this pharmaceutical company? Bernadette: Well, there are a couple of opportunities available, but I volunteered for the premature ejaculation project. I mean, it's not like either one of us has heart disease. Oh, I almost forgot. I got you a little present. Howard: Oh, Bernie, no. You didn't have to. Bernadette: I wanted to. Come on, open it. Howard: You bought me a Rolex? How much did this cost? Bernadette: Oh, you let me worry about the money. I just want my baby to have pretty things. Scene: The apartment. Raj: More wine? Penny: Oh, no, no, no. I've had way too much already. Sheldon: Here's an interesting fact about alcohol. Penny: Hit me. Sheldon: Man is not the only species that ferments fruit in order to become intoxicated. Can you guess what the other is? Hint, sometimes they pack the alcohol in their trunks. Penny: Monkeys. Sheldon: When does a monkey have a trunk? Penny: When a suitcase just won't do. Sheldon: Mmm, all right. It would appear as if alcohol is playing keep-away with your intelligence. Good night. Please note, it is now past ten p.m. Per our roommate agreement, kindly refrain from raucous laughter, clinking of glasses, and celebratory gunfire. Penny: Okay, explain something to me. You watch Leonard put up with that guy for years and years. What has to break inside your brain for you to think, Oh, Krishna, I've got to get me some of that? Raj: Well, it's a lot better than having to wear noise-cancelling headphones in my own apartment. Penny: What? Oh, God, yeah. Yeah. Leonard's a noisy little dude in the sack. Raj: Every night. Penny: Really? Even during allergy season, when he has to alternate between kissing and breathing? Raj: It's my sister. Can we not talk about this any more? Penny: Yeah. Sorry, sorry. Can I tell you a secret? Raj: Yeah. Penny: I screwed up. Leonard's a great guy. Never should have broken up with him. Raj: Well, uh, to paraphrase Shakespeare, It's better to have loved and lost than to stay home every night and download increasingly shameful pornography. Penny: Oh, you poor baby. Raj: What's wrong with me, Penny? Penny: Nothing, nothing. You know, if we weren't friends, and you hadn't brought up that creepy pornography story, I'd be on you like the speed of light squared on matter to make energy. Raj: Hey, you totally got that right! E equals M C squared. Penny: I listen. I have no idea what it means, but I listen. To friendship. Raj: To friendship. Sheldon (off): Would you booze hounds please stop that infernal clinking? And the answer was elephant! Scene: Raj's apartment. Leonard and Priya are kissing. Leonard: Mmm. Mmm. Priya: Leonard, sweetheart, we're kissing, not eating hot soup. Leonard: Sorry. Priya (computer tone): That's my parents on video chat. Go hide in the bedroom. Leonard: Oh, come on! Why don't we just tell them that we're dating? Priya: Oh, we've been through this. It's not the time. Leonard: When is the time? Priya: I've got five brothers and sisters. One of them is bound to screw up real big, and then I'll tell my parents about you. Now, shoo. Leonard: Fine. Priya: Hello, Mummy. Hello, Daddy. Dr Koothrappali: We heard there was a tornado in Kansas City. Is that close to you? Priya: No. Mrs Koothrappali: Where is your brother? Priya: Out with friends. Dr Koothrappali: I don't like it, a young girl alone in an apartment. Mrs Koothrappali: I'll sleep so much better when you move back here next month. Leonard: You're moving back to India? Dr Koothrappali: Who's that? Mrs Koothrappali: Oh, my God! There's someone in your apartment. Call the police in America! Leonard: When were you going to tell me about this? Priya: Oh, hello, Leonard. What a pleasant surprise! Mummy, Daddy, you remember Rajesh's friend Leonard. Dr Koothrappali: I thought you said Rajesh was out with his friends. Priya: He has many friends. Dr Koothrappali: Rajesh has many friends? Mrs Koothrappali: Why are you lying to us? Leonard: She's lying because she doesn't want you to know we're dating. Priya: Leonard! Leonard: Well, what difference does it make? If you're moving back to India, we're obviously breaking up. Priya: You know what? I don't want to deal with this right now. Leonard: So. Hot in India? Dr Koothrappali: Of course it is. It always is. It's India. Now, what do you have to say for yourself? Leonard: Uh. That is a beautiful tapestry. Scene: Leonard's bedroom. Raj and Penny are in bed. Penny (waking up): Oh, God. Oh, God! Oh. Okay, look. This never happened. Do you understand me? (Raj nods) Really? Still can't talk to me? Scene: The living room. Leonard is asleep on the couch. Sheldon: What are you doing here? Leonard: What? Sheldon: I said, what are you doing here? Leonard: I live here. Sheldon: I have paperwork that says differently. Leonard: Priya's going back to India. Sheldon: Irrelevant. Rajesh and I have a good thing going and you're not going to ruin it. (Knock on door) What are you doing here? Howard: I've been up all night. I had a fight with Bernadette. Sheldon: Why? Howard: She gave me a beautiful watch. Sheldon: Leonard, do you understand this? Leonard: Yes. Sheldon: Talk to him. Penny (entering room dishevelled, with a half naked Raj behind): Damn. Leonard: What's going on? Penny: Oh. It's, it's not what it looks like. Sheldon: What does it look like?

Bernadette announces her Ph.D. and a well-paid job. Later Bernadette decides to buy Howard an expensive watch as a present and tells him to "let her worry about the money", a comment that disturbs Howard. Meanwhile, Leonard's and Priya's noisy sexual encounters sends Raj to spend the night at Sheldon's apartment. When Leonard finds him in his bed, he proposes that Raj moves in with Sheldon until Priya finds her own place. Raj likes the idea, signs Sheldon's roommate paperwork and moves in with him. He then prepares a fancy dinner for them which delights Sheldon who decides Raj is a much better roommate than Leonard. Penny stops by, stays for dinner and the both of them get drunk from the wine Raj served. Penny confesses to Raj that she "screwed up", as she should not have broken up with Leonard, and that she would be "on" Raj if they were not friends. When Priya receives a video call from her parents, Leonard overhears them saying that she is moving back to India and storms out revealing their relationship to her parents. At the end of the episode, Sheldon discovers Leonard sleeping on their couch, just before Howard shows up and announces that he had a fight with Bernadette over the watch. Penny wakes up and after noticing Raj laying next to her, becomes horrified when she realizes that she hooked up with him. She tells him that last night never happened and tries to sneak out of the apartment; however, they are busted by the others. Penny just states that "it's not what it looks like" and leaves. Sheldon then asks "What does it look like?"

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Teleplay by: Sheryl J. Anderson Story by: Sanford Golden [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Prue, Piper and Phoebe walk in the kitchen carrying shopping bags.] Piper: Any day that brings new shoes is a good day. Phoebe: Are you kidding? This was a great day. Yoga, pedicures, shopping, lunch. When have we had more fun? Prue: It's nice to bond through something other than vanquishing for a change. Phoebe: Yeah, but I gotta hand it to those pesky little demons. They sure have brought us closer together. Prue: Maybe you should write them a thank you note. (Prue turns on the TV.) Reporter: Early this morning when an argument between neighbours at a block party turned into a street parole, residents of several apartment buildings... Prue: Ugh. (She turns off the TV.) Piper: Some people are just crazy. Prue: Doesn't it seem like this kind of stuff has been happening a lot here lately? Phoebe: Random social violence is encouraged by a general D clan and ethical thinking. Well, according to my sociology professor. He said that we don't think about the big questions enough. Prue: The big question is how did you stay awake through his class? Phoebe: Not only did I stay awake but I actually enjoyed it. Which is why I bought this book. (She gets a book out of a bag.) It's filled with really deep profound questions, which would actually make a good bar game at P3. Piper: Oh, great, solve the problems of the world while doing Jell-O shots. Phoebe: Okay, let's see if I can find a really good one. (She puts on her glasses and opens up to a page in the book.) Okay, what if a building was on fire? Do you save five strangers or one sibling? Prue: I thought that you said that these were hard questions. That's easy, sibling. Piper: Of course. Phoebe: Ditto. Okay, my turn, my turn. (Phoebe hands Prue the book. The doorbell rings.) Piper: Okay, don't answer anything until I answer that. Phoebe: Okay, faster though, faster. (Piper answers the door.) Piper: Hi. Leo: Hi. (They kiss.) Piper: Since when do you ring instead of orb? Leo: Well, I'm just trying to respect everybody's space since the three of you have been so, uh... (Prue and Phoebe walk in.) Phoebe: Hey, Leo. Leo: Tight these days. Prue: So, um, are you here for all of us? Leo: No, this isn't business. I was just about to invite Piper to an early dinner before her Paula Cole show. Piper: Oh. Leo: Oh, do you have other plans? Piper: Uh, not exactly. We've just been hanging out all day spending some quality non-magic time. Leo: Oh, alright, no problem. Rain check? Prue: Um, Piper, why don't you go with Leo? I mean, we're totally cool with it. Pheebs and I will go to the club early, keep an eye on things. Piper: I have a new assistant manager and she's all checked out so she can take care of things. Phoebe: Still, we'll go and make sure everything's okay. We'll bring the book, maybe stir up some trouble. Prue: How about stirring up some margaritas? Phoebe: Ooh, that's good. (They link arms and walk back in the kitchen.) Piper: So it's a date. Leo: Alright. [Scene: On the street. Leo and Piper are in Piper's car. They pull up at a stop sign.] Piper: I didn't mean that I didn't enjoy being with you, all I meant was that Phoebe and Prue would've enjoyed the restaurant too. (A guy in a car pulls up behind them and starts honking his horn and yelling.) Leo: I wish you were normal sisters, they're never this close. Piper: And it's a problem that we are? Leo: No. It just seems that sometimes I'm breaking up a great party when I wanna be alone with you. (They guy behind them continues honking the horn.) Piper: Leo, I have room for all of you in my life and in my heart. Leo: I still need to know which room's mine because... (The guy drives around them and speeds around the corner.) Okay. [Cut to the guy. He crashes into a Ute with crates of fruit in the back and the fruit flies out of it onto the road. Piper and Leo pull up.] Piper: Oh, no. (The man that was driving the Ute gets out and storms over to the other guy driving the car. He pulls him out of the car and they start fighting. Other people try to break up the fight. One guy picks up a watermelon and throws it at Piper's car. It smashes all over the windshield. Piper and Leo get out.) What on earth? (They walk over near the fighting men. The guy throws another watermelon towards Piper and Leo but Piper freezes it before it can hit them. Everyone else freezes except Leo and one of the four horseman is standing near by. The horseman looks around confused. He then sees Piper and Leo and starts running.) Leo? Leo: I see him. (Piper runs after him.) Wait, Piper, you don't know what he is. (Leo runs after Piper.) [Cut to the horseman. He runs around the corner of a building and suddenly a horse appears. He jumps on the horse and they disappear. Piper and Leo run around the corner and wonder where he went.] [Cut to a field. The four horsemen on horses suddenly appear, galloping along.] Opening Credits [Scene: P3. Paula Cole is singing. Prue and Phoebe are sitting at the bar watching her. The bartender hands back the book to Prue. Paula Cole finishes her song.] Paula: Thank you, P3, you've been great. Thank you. (Piper and Leo walk up to Prue and Phoebe.) Phoebe: Hey, I can't believe you guys missed Paula Cole, she was awesome. Piper: We saw a pretty awesome show ourselves. Prue: I thought that you guys went to dinner. Piper: We did and then for dessert we did a little demon hunting. Prue: What happened? Piper: Well, there was this road rage thing and it was completely out of control, so I froze the entire street except for this a guy in a suit. Leo: And he takes off. Your sister doesn't listen to me so we chase him down into an alley. Nothing, he vanished into thin air. Phoebe: Wait, a demon that causes road rage? Piper: I don't know if he caused it or was attracted by it. Prue: Well, the kind of creature that gets off in that kind of thing would certainly explain why the city's been such a mess lately. He's probably some lower level mischief maker. Leo: As soon as we figure out who he is and what he wants will be better for everyone. Piper: Yeah, except for those of us who have to get rid of him. Phoebe: Okay, we can sit around here being pessimistic or we can go to the house and check the Book of Shadows. [Scene: A field. The four horsemen are there.] War: What happened? Strife: First of all I wanna let you all know that I was out on the field and things are looking good. The public is really responding. War: But... Strife: We might have a problem. War: Did you screw up? Strife: No, why would you assume that? Famine: Please don't fight. Death: It's all they know how to do. Strife: A freezing witch saw me. Caught me working. War: A good witch? Strife: I would say so. She chased me, I think she thought she could stop me. War: That is a problem. Strife: Fixable. I think we can still move forward with our plan and still make our deadline. Famine: But the deadline's 7:00 tomorrow night. The source is gonna... War: Find her and kill her. Famine: How are we gonna find her? War: Set a trap. If she's a good witch she'll want to stop us. All we have to do is give her something she'll want to stop. [Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe and Piper are there. Phoebe's flipping through the Book Of Shadows.] Piper: Wait, stop right there. Phoebe: The demon of cruelty. Piper: Hardens the heart, corrodes the soul... Phoebe: And is a woman. Piper: Oh, oops. (Prue and Leo walk in.) Prue: Hey, so how is it going? Piper: In big fat circles. We've been reading all night and there's no one in here that matches the guy I saw. Phoebe: We do have a list of six potential matches though. Piper: But there's no picture so we're sort of shooting in the dark. My best guess is the demon of anarchy. Leo: Hey, you can't just guess. Alright, you have to be sure. It's very dangerous to engage an enemy unless you know who he is and what he wants. Piper: Leo, honey, we have done this a couple of times. Leo: No, I didn't mean... Prue: You know, Leo, it would be great to know every single thing about our enemies but that's not always the case. Leo: I know, but... Phoebe: And if this guy is causing riots we can't just hang out and wait for inspiration, you know. Leo: Okay, three against one. I-I just, I was working that's all. Phoebe: Okay, so no offense to the Whitelighter but we're going with the Demon of Anarchy, right? Prue: Yes, the Demon of Anarchy. Piper: Okay, so this potion doesn't even require a double boiler. Phoebe: And it's your basic iambic pentameter chant. It's a very nice simple vanquish. Piper: Okay, so all we have to do now is figure out where this guys gonna show up next. Prue: Alright, well, who do we know that would be keeping track of anarchy? [Time lapse. Prue is on the phone with Morris.] Morris: Yeah, Prue, but the department has all sorts of violence and the captain is calling in civil disturbances. In my professional opinion the whole city's lost its friggin' mind. We got street riots, looting, arson. We're two crimes away from being placed on tactical alert. You're not calling to tell me that all this trouble's because of you know what, are you? Prue: Yeah, well, possibly. We're actually researching that right now. We were kinda calling for your help. Morris: Look, I really can't leave right now. Prue: No, no, no, I-I understand and we're not quite there yet but it would really help to know where the latest hotspot is. [Scene: In a street. Police cars are there with emergency lights flashing. People are rioting. Prue, Piper and Phoebe get out of the car.] Prue: Don't freeze them yet. Don't let him know that we're here. Piper: Alright, alright. Phoebe: What the hell is wrong with these people? (They start walking through the crowd.) Piper: I can not wait to kick this guys butt all the way back to... (Phoebe and Piper get split up from Prue.) Alright, alright, this way, this way. (Piper spots Strife standing near by.) That's him, that's him. Phoebe: Well, let's go introduce ourselves. Piper: Prue! (She points to Strife. He sees them and runs off. Prue runs after him and Phoebe and Piper follow behind. Strife runs in an alley and around the corner where the other three horseman are.) Strife: There are three of them. (Prue runs around the corner.) Prue: There's four of you? (War walks towards her. She tries to use her power but it doesn't work. He grabs her. Piper and Phoebe come around the corner.) Phoebe: Prue! War: Stop or I'll snap her neck. (to Strife) Start the chant. (Strife starts a chant in a weird language.) Prue: (to Piper and Phoebe) Start the damn chant. (Phoebe and Piper get a piece of paper out of their pockets and starts the chant.) Phoebe, Piper: "Sower of discord, your works now must cease, I vanquish thee now, with these words of peace." (Piper throws a potion at Prue and War's feet and smoke rises around them. A bright light appears and then Prue and War disappear into a vortex.) Piper: Prue? Death: What the hell? (The horseman disappear.) Phoebe: What just happened? Piper: I think we just vanquished our sister. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Continued from before.] Piper: She's gone. Phoebe: We don't know that. Piper: Phoebe, we killed Prue. Phoebe: Piper, stop it okay. I don't wanna hear that. Piper: You think I wanna say it? I'm the one who made the potion, Phoebe, it's my fault. Phoebe: Okay, how about having a little faith. Alright, our magic has never let us down before. Piper: Well, there's a first time for everything isn't there. Phoebe: She's not dead. Piper: How do you know that? Phoebe: Because, Piper, I have no choice but to believe in us and in our magic. Come here. (She puts her arm around her.) Okay, look, if she were dead, we would see her spirit, right? So maybe because we brought the wrong spell something weird happened. Maybe it just sent them some place. Piper: Where? Phoebe: I don't know but I believe that we can figure it out and I need you to believe that too. We have Leo and we have the book and we have each other. We can save Prue. There's gotta be a way. [Scene: Horsemen's Headquarters. The three horsemen are there.] Famine: There's no way, he's dead and so are we. Strife: He's not dead, he can't be dead. Maybe shifted to another plane but he can not be dead. Only the source can kill us. We are the anointed ones. The four horsemen of the apocalypse. Death: The source won't hesitate to kill us of we miss our deadline. Famine: We were so close. How did this happen? Death: Somebody got sloppy and attracted a witch. Strife: We will not fail. Death: Other teams have failed. They blew it and they paid the price. Famine: Which we will too if we miss our deadline. And then he'll kill us and take four willing souls from in there and anoint them. They'll be the next four horsemen. Strife: Glad to see you two aren't giving up. Death: We need War. He's the big gun. He's the one who's gonna set nation against nation and do all the heavy work. Strife: Then we'll get him back. Famine: By 7:00? Strife: We have to. Now just listen to me, alright. Death: Who got vanquished and left you boss? Strife: I have a plan. Do you have a plan? Oh, of course you have a plan, the same plan you always have. Kill them all. Death: You looking for a fight? Strife: It's my specialty. Famine: We don't have much time. Hear him out. Strife: All we have to do is find out where he is. Let's pull out the old books, do some research. Alright, he has to be somewhere, we will bring him back. There's gotta be a way. [Apocalypse - 3 hours to go] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Leo's there. Phoebe and Piper walk in.] Phoebe: Maybe if we break down the spell and the potion. (Piper walks over to Leo and they hug.) Leo: I am so sorry. Phoebe: Did you find anything? Leo: I've been looking. Piper: And? Tell us you've found something. Leo: Look, I have been through the whole book and I can not find anything that matches the four beings you described. Phoebe: What about disappearances? Leo: Nothing. Phoebe: Okay, we have to look under botched vanquishes. Leo: Phoebe, I checked it all. I have been through the whole book. There is no explanation for what happened to Prue. Piper: But you agree she's not dead. (silence) I don't understand. Wait-wait, I, wait a minute, I-I can't do this. Phoebe tells me to have hope and you're telling me that there isn't any? I just need to know. (A breeze blows through the room. Piper gasps.) Leo: Are you okay? Piper: She's here. Phoebe: Who's here? Piper: Prue. She went right through me, I felt her presence. It's hard to describe but didn't you see her in the wind? Phoebe: She's in the wind? Piper: No, Phoebe, it's like she-she spoke to me, she's alive. Phoebe: Okay, are you sure because if she's in the wind doesn't that mean that she's a spirit? Piper: No. Leo: No, she could be on another plane trying to break through. Phoebe: Okay, well, then we have to help her. (calling out) Uh, Prue? Prue, honey, are you still here? Help us find you, Prue. (The pointer on the spirit board moves.) H, E, L, P. Honey, how can we help you? (Phoebe gasps.) Piper: What was that? Did she do it to you too? Phoebe: No, it was something else. Or someone else. Evil. Cult. (A bubble-like figure appears and lands on the spirit board. You see Prue's face in it for a second and it disappears.) Piper: What is that? Prue? (Then a red bubble-like figure appears and chases the other around the room.) Leo: She's alive but she's in trouble. Piper: Okay, so she's alive and if she can find us then we can find her. Phoebe: So it must be the four suit that's after her. Maybe the combination of our magic did this to them. Leo: Which means we need to figure out who those suits are. Piper: Okay, Leo, you go ask your bosses whoever they are, whatever they are, who those guys are and how to get our sister back. Now orb faster. (Leo orbs out. Phoebe walks over to the Book Of Shadows.) Phoebe: Wind. Piper: Wind? Phoebe: What else? Can you think of anything else? Piper: Mist. [Scene: Horsemen's headquarters.] Famine: I've checked everywhere. I can't figure out what happened. Strife: I'm telling you it is the witches. They did this, they must know. (A guy walks up to Death.) Death: What? Guy: You should know we're losing momentum across the board especially in war. Peace has broken out in several areas this afternoon. (They guy leaves.) Death: Damn it. If we're going down, we're not going alone. Let's find those damn witches and take them down too. (War shows up on the TV.) Famine: War. It's him, he's alive. Death: Hang in there, partner. We'll get you back then we'll punish those witches. War: No, cease fire. Cooperation. Strife: Wait, you want us to work with the witches? War: Get them to free me. Famine: How are we supposed to find them? War: Ask the source. [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Phoebe and Piper are there. Piper's staring at the spirit board and Phoebe's taking notes from the Book Of Shadows.] Phoebe: I still haven't found her ---- but I think I have an idea of where Prue might be. Piper: And how to get her back? Because we have to do that before this thing hurts her. Phoebe: Well, remember when Leo said that Prue might be on another plane? Well, maybe we banished her somehow. Now, there are eleven planes of existence. Piper: Eleven planes? We don't have time to search eleven planes. Prue's been quiet for a really long time, maybe we're too late. Phoebe: Piper, stay with me, okay. We can not give up. (Leo orbs in.) Piper: Did you find out where she is? Leo: No, but I have a message from them. Piper: She's not...? Leo: No, no. While I was there they was contacted by their counter parts on the other side. Phoebe: Are you telling me evil called good and good answered? Leo: These suits that you're dealing with have the highest possible connections. Their bosses talk to my bosses. Piper: About Prue? Leo: About the whole situation. They wanna have a meeting with you. Piper: Uh, what could they possibly want from us? They already have Prue. Leo: Prue and their partner are trapped in another world between good and evil. And the only way to release them is for good and evil to cooperate. You have to work with the suits. Piper: Are we allowed to do that? Leo: Look, all they told me was to give you the message and to let you decide whether you wanted to do it. Phoebe: Did they mention what they think we should do? Leo: Free will. It's a big thing with them. Phoebe: Wonderful. So where's the meeting? Leo: You're gonna do it? Phoebe: I'm sorry, Leo, did you show up to the party late? Of course we're gonna do it. Leo: Phoebe, you can never get into bed with evil, you know that. It could be a trap. Piper: Leo, thank you for your opinion but your bosses did say that they were leaving the decision up to us so maybe you should too. Leo: Look, I can't. Alright, the last time that you went up against this evil you lost Prue. Alright, now you're gonna go up against it again? Both of you could be lost this time. Phoebe: But we're not gonna go up against them, we're gonna work with them, right? Leo: But they'll betray you. Alright, this is how evil works. This is why evil loves free will so much. Because humans use it to follow their heart. And evil takes advantage of that. Piper: So Leo, what are our options? Leo: You have to try and save her by yourselves. Phoebe: But Leo, we don't know how. We have to work with them. Leo: But you don't even know who they are. Phoebe: We tried to find them but they weren't in the book. Leo: Which means they probably aren't even demons or warlocks anyway. Phoebe: Okay, then what are they? Leo: In the hierarchy of demons. Ferocious, impossible to vanquish. And these went to extraordinary lengths to ask for this meeting. Who knows what'll happen when the four of them are reunited. Piper: I don't care what happens, we just want Prue back. Leo: So do I but this is not the way. Phoebe: Leo, it's the only way we know. We have to save Prue. [Scene: A field. Piper and Phoebe are waiting there.] Piper: This is where we were supposed to come, right? Phoebe: Right. Piper: And it's not a trap, right, please tell me we're doing the right thing. (The horsemen appear.) Phoebe: Or we're making the biggest mistake in the world. Strife: Thank you for coming. And you are? Piper: Anxious to get this over with, let's go. Strife: Are you in a hurry? Phoebe: You stalling? Strife: You want your sister back? Piper: Do you want your friend back? Strife: Let's do business. (He holds out his hand. Piper hesitates for a moment but then shakes his hand. You hear a crack of thunder.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Phoebe, Leo and the three horsemen are there. Phoebe picks up a plant off the table and the horsemen step back in alarm.] Horsemen: Whoa, hey, what are you doing? Phoebe: Just making room. Strife: Of course. (Strife reaches in his coat and Phoebe gasps.) Taking notes. (He pulls out a pen.) Phoebe: Of course. Strife: Old habits are hard to break. I'm sure we can put that all aside and get this done. Famine: Or die trying. (Piper walks in.) Leo: (whispers to Piper) You know, it's bad enough working with them but to bring them here. Piper: To the manor where we're the strongest and safest or maybe we should've gone to their place not that they offered. Leo: And why not? Hmm? Why give up home field advantage unless they're hiding something. Piper: Of course they're hiding something, they're evil. Phoebe: Okay, if we can reconstruct exactly what happened in the alley, we might be able to figure out what sent them away and undo that. (Phoebe has placed some items on the table. Death moves one.) Death: I was standing there. Piper: No, actually, I was there, you were here. (She moves them back.) Famine: No, he's right. It was more like this. (He moves them back.) Phoebe: Okay, you know what? If we can't agree on this, we're not gonna get anything done. Strife: Okay, it was more like this. I was here, (he moves one) here, (he moves another) and our missing friends were here. (When he finishes moving them, there are five on the outside in a circle and one in the middle.) Piper: Phoebe. Phoebe: I see it, Piper. Famine: What? What do you see? (Piper and Phoebe take some long stemmed flowers out of a vase and place them on the table in the shape of a pentagram.) Death: Pentagram, our lucky sign. Phoebe: Actually, a pentagram is a sign of good energy until your side stole it. Piper: Okay, is it possible that the five of us by forming a pentagram somehow created some weird magical energy field? Phoebe: With Prue and your friend in the middle. There must of been a vortex. Okay, if we can figure out how we opened it, then maybe we can figure out how to open it again. Strife: And release them. Leo: And who knows what else. Death: This is good, keep it up. I'll check things back at the office. Page me when you have the answer. Ladies. (He leaves.) Leo: I'm leaving too. (Piper walks over to Leo.) Piper: Where are you going? Leo: (whispering) I'm gonna follow this guy back and find out who he is. (Leo orbs out.) Famine: What is he? Piper: He is none of your business. Okay, since this is supposed to be a joint effort, what is your contribution? Strife: Perhaps it was the combination of our chants that opened this vortex. Phoebe: What language were you chanting in? Strife: Actually it's a dead language that we sometimes use for ceremonial purposes. Piper: How festive. Strife: I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours. Piper: Okay, while you two do that, I'll go remake the potion 'cause we're probably going to need it. Famine: Mind if I watch? Piper: Yes I do. (Piper goes in the kitchen and Famine follows.) [Scene: Horsemen's headquarters. Death walks down the corridor. Leo orbs in. Someone walks out of a room and sees Leo.] Guy: Who the hell are you and what the... (Leo punches him in the face.) [Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe and Strife are sitting on the couch.] Strife: It's your standard chant to destroy the common witch. Clearly you're no common witch though. Phoebe: Thank you. Strife: Okay, first line. I'll interpret. I call you servants of the unholy and then... Phoebe: Now, being a bad guy and all, you wouldn't happen to be lying to me would you? Strife: Being a bad guy and all, would you believe me if I told you no? [Cut back to the Horsemen's headquarters. Leo's walking down the corridor wearing a suit and tie.] [Cut to a room.] Death: I don't like these numbers at all. I gave specific instructions to spread cholera. Especially in central Asia. What happened? I'm asking you a question. If somebody is vaccinating these people I wanna know about it. (Leo stands at the doorway.) Find out now. Small pox outbreak in Venezuela. Let it spread. [Cut back to the manor. Kitchen. Piper notices Famine rubbing his neck. He has a tattoo there.] Piper: What is that? Tattoo? Famine: Yes. Piper: What does it mean? Famine: Nothing. Goes with the job. What are you doing? Piper: I am recreating the potion I made for our first meeting. I think it might help get Prue and... Famine: Our friend. Piper: Back. So what are you four up to? Famine: You really expect me to answer that? Piper: Well, we're supposed to be working together and we don't know anything about each other. Famine: I know you are a witch. Piper: And you are...? Famine: Not. Look, we just want our partner back, that's all you need to know. It's all business, just like it is for you. Piper: No, she's our sister, it's completely personal. Famine: Every mortal's weakness. That's why you always lose. Piper: Hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Living room. Strife and Phoebe are sitting on the couch.] Phoebe: Well, this is great, we both did spells the same time but we did it on the wrong people. So I think that we... (she notices Strife staring at her) Am I the only one that's working here? Strife: Have you always been a witch? Phoebe: What? Why? Strife: I don't know, there's something about you. You ever been a demon? Phoebe: I think we need to get back to our chants. Strife: Meaning yes? Phoebe: No. I have never been a demon. Strife: You know, we're not that different. Phoebe: No, we're both trying to undo the other side. Strife: I wanted the challenge. Phoebe: I think I figured out how good and evil mix together. Strife: To such powerful results. Phoebe: I know how to undo that. (The bubble-like figure appears and floats past Phoebe. She gasps.) Strife: You alright? Phoebe: No, uh, I'm a bit queasy. (Phoebe notices the bubble-like figure and it floats over to the spirit board. The pointer moves to 4 then to H then to O. The red bubble-like figure appears and knocks the pointer on the floor. They both jump up.) Strife: What's going on? Phoebe: I don't know. (The bubble-like figures fly around the room and knock a picture off the wall. They disappear.) Strife: What did you do? Phoebe: I didn't do anything, what did you do? (Piper and Famine come in.) Famine: What happened? Strife: Hard to say. Piper: Are you alright? Phoebe: I'm not sure. Famine: So do you have an answer yet? Phoebe: Reverse polarity. Famine: In the pentagram. Phoebe: And in the chants. If we stand in opposite points and say the opposite words in chant, save instead of vanquish and so on... Strife: It will reopen the vortex and get them back and we can get back to business. Phoebe: And we can get on with our lives. Strife: It's 6:00 now so why don't we go back to the office, get organised and we can all meet up at 6:30 sharp. We, uh, have an appointment at 7:00. (They leave.) Piper: Okay, what really happened? Phoebe: It was Prue. She was trying to spell something out on the spirit board but all I got was 4 H O. Piper: 4HO... Four hours? Maybe she feels that's all the time she has left. [Apocalypse - 49 minutes to go] [Scene: Headquarters. Leo's in a room looking around. He looks on the wall and notices the four horsemen's faces with their names underneath and numbers underneath that.] Leo: It can't be. (A guy storms down the corridor.) Guy: Security bridge. Grab him. (Leo orbs out.) Death: Never mind him, keep working, we're running out of time. [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper and Phoebe are there. Piper's still making the potion.] Piper: Are you sure they're willing to do their half? Phoebe: They seem to want this as badly as we do. (Leo orbs in.) Great, you're here. We're done, we have everything figured out. Leo: You sure? Piper: Leo, what are you wearing? Where have you been? Leo: I just followed the black tie back to his office. Piper: Leo, they'll think we don't trust them. Leo: And you shouldn't trust them, Piper. You wanna know who they are? They are the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Piper: The four-four... That's what Prue was trying to tell us. Leo: Don't you understand what's at stake here? If you save Prue, you will release the fourth horseman and bring about the end of the world. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Phoebe, Piper and Leo are there.] Leo: I don't believe you. Piper: Leo, it doesn't change anything, we would help the source himself if we thought we could get Prue back. Leo: Listen, they wear the mark of the anointed ones. The omega. It means the end. Piper: The tattoo on the neck? Leo: Yes. Look, the missing horseman is War. You've been dealing with Strife, Famine and Death. They're gonna begin the apocalypse as soon as they're reunited. Phoebe: I thought dodging the Y2K bullet bought us more time on the whole apocalypse thing. Leo: You know why nothing happened on New Years Eve? Because it wasn't the real millennium. The monks who converted the Julian calendar to the Gregorian calendar made some critical errors. Piper: So when does the new millennium start? Leo: Tonight. Approximately... Phoebe: 7:00. Which is probably why they wanna meet us at 6:30. Leo: Right, then all four horsemen can be in place to begin the apocalypse. You can not let that happen. Piper: Leo, we know what we're doing. Leo: No, you don't. You're thinking like sisters, mortal sisters. Piper: Well, what are we supposed to think like? Leo: Like the Charmed Ones. You have a duty. Piper: To save our sister. Phoebe: Look, Leo, we've made up our mind. We're gonna save Prue. It's not like we can beat them without her. Leo: Only the source can vanquish them, Phoebe. For failing. Think of the times the world has been on the brink. Hitler, the Cuban missile crisis. Each time a team of horsemen has almost succeeded and then failed and been destroyed and replaced by a new team. Piper: So then we'll make sure that they'll fail too. Leo: They are closer than any team has ever been. Piper: Then we obviously need Prue to beat them. Leo: Oh my God, you have not heard a thing I've said. Look, I love Prue too, you know that. But just like when you went to the future you saw that sometimes there are more important things than saving your sister. [Apocalypse - 2 minutes to go] [Scene: Alley. The horsemen are there.] Famine: Give it up. If War's not back soon we're history. The source is going to burn us off the map. Strife: We are not going down alone. Instead of just standing here, let's go hunt those witches down and kill them. Death: I told you they'd double cross us. That's why they sent their man in to spy on us. (Piper and Phoebe walk around the corner.) Piper: We were doing research, it's just good business. Death: Let's just kill them now. Phoebe: Oh, but you need us. You can't end the world without us. Strife: So you know who we are. Phoebe: Yeah, and we came anyway. See, on our side of things we call that good faith. Famine: Call it whatever you want. Let's just do it. Hurry. You ready? Phoebe: Bring it on. (Phoebe and Strife shake hands. Phoebe has a premonition of the apocalypse.) Strife: Battle stations. (They stand in their places.) Piper: What did you see? Phoebe: Let's just get this over with. (Strife starts the chant. Piper then starts their chant.) Piper: "Sower of discord, your help we implore..." Phoebe. Phoebe: Leo's right. I saw what's gonna happen, Piper. We can't do this, we can't be selfish. Death: Why aren't you two chanting? (to Strife) You keep going. (to Phoebe and Piper) Why did you stop? Famine: We're running out of time. Death: Do you know what you're doing? You're killing your own sister. Phoebe: There's more at stake here then sisterhood. Strife: Finished. Did they finish? Piper: No, and we're not going to. Strife: We had a deal. We shook on it. Piper: That was a mistake in more ways than one. Phoebe: We know what you want. And we're gonna make sure you don't get it. Piper: Even if it means losing our sister forever. (The vortex opens.) Famine: Look, they didn't finish their chant, how can the vortex open? Strife: The source is opening it. (The horsemen start getting sucked into the vortex. Phoebe gets the chant our of her pocket.) Piper: What are you doing? Phoebe: Well, the vortex is open. If we can finish this before they're destroyed, maybe we can pull Prue out. Phoebe, Piper: "I summon thee now, with these words of truce." (Piper throws the potion in the vortex and Prue comes out. The horsemen disintegrate and the vortex closes.) Piper: Prue, are you alright? Phoebe: It's okay now, everything's gonna be okay now. Prue: Thanks for saving my life. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are sitting in the alcove. They're watching everyone dance.] Phoebe: Look at them. They'll all live to dance another day and what do we get? We saved the whole darn world. The least we can get is a thank you, you know. (Leo comes up to them.) Leo: Ladies. Phoebe: Hey, Leo. Leo: I know this has been hard on all of you. Phoebe: Yeah, well, we sort of made it hard on you too. Piper: Leo, it's just... Leo: It's okay, Piper, we were doing our job. Phoebe: Okay, the master of understatement, is there anything else? Leo: No, I was just at a meeting and they told me that it was your act of complete selflessness that stopped the source's plan from going forward. Prue: So the four horsemen were destroyed because Piper and Phoebe were willing to sacrifice me? Leo: The horsemen's bosses said that it was a sign that there were still too much good in the world to make the apocalypse successful. Piper: So are they giving up? Leo: No, in fact they'll probably try harder from now on. Phoebe: Do you wanna have a drink with us Leo? Leo: No, you need time together. Just you three. I'll see you. (He leaves.) Prue: You know, you two faced an incredibly hard thing and, um, you made the right decision. Through your own free will. Phoebe: I am so, so, so sorry, Prue. Piper: So am I. Prue: There's no apologies necessary. You were all just doing our jobs, I just have to deal with that. (The bartender comes up to them holding Phoebe's book.) Bartender: Everyone has to vote on this. What if a building was on fire? Do you save five strangers or one sibling? Prue, Piper, Phoebe: Five strangers.

Prue, Piper, and Phoebe's relaxing night at the club is cut short when they're forced to go up against the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, who are causing various bouts of road rage in San Francisco. When Prue and Horseman of War are sucked into a vortex that transports them to the Netherworld of Good and Evil, Piper and Phoebe are facing a dilemma of saving Prue or save the world. While attempting to help the sisters out, Leo tries to get his bosses to aid the Charmed Ones and comes across organized evil.

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_04x06

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_04x06_0

[Gilbert's House] (Elena is in her bed but she can't sleep) (She's in the kitchen. Connor appears behind her) Connor: Can't sleep? (She turns herself but he's not here. She looks around. He reappears) Connor: You know... It makes sense. Guilty conscience Elena: You're not here. I'm... I've got to be dreaming Connor: Then how do you know that I'm not here? Elena: Because you're... Connor: Come on. Say it Elena: Because you're dead Connor: Yes. I am. Was that the first time that you've taken a human life? Elena: You're a ghost. It's got to be... You're a ghost. That's... that's what's happening right now. Jeremy. Jeremy! (He wakes up) Elena: You're a ghost. You're haunting me. You're a ghost. You're haunting me Connor: Can a ghost do this? (He strangles her from behind. She punches him with her elbow and then pushes him on the table. He gets up and comes back toward her. She takes a knife and stabs him in the neck. She removes the knife. It was Jeremy) Elena: Oh my god! Oh! Jer! Jer! (He collapses) Elena: Jer! Jer! No, no, no! No! No. No, Jer! Jeremy! (Jeremy is on the couch, still dead. Elena and Damon are with him) Elena: I can't believe this happened. What... what am I going to say to him? Damon: Thanks for not ditching the family ring after it drove Ric crazy? You should have called Stefan Elena: I don't want to talk to him. He's been lying to me, and hiding things from me. He compelled Jeremy to forget God knows what Damon: In all fairness, I mean, I think you killing him kind of trumps that. I mean, you should have called Stefan Elena: I don't trust him right now, Damon (Stefan enters) Stefan: Hey Damon: P.S... I called Stefan Stefan: What happened? Why didn't you call me? Elena: I just... I need to go upstairs and shower. Clean all the blood off my hands (She goes upstairs and Jeremy wakes up) Stefan: Welcome back. How you feeling? Jeremy: What happened? Damon: Long story. Buy the e-book (Stefan goes in Elena's bedroom. She's there) Stefan: Elena? Hey. Listen, I know you're still upset about yesterday, and I get it. Believe me. But just... let me help you Elena: I don't want your help right now, Stefan Stefan: But you'll accept Damon's? Elena: Don't make this about Damon! You've been working with Klaus doing God knows what, and don't insult me by trying to deny it Stefan: Listen, it's not what you think, ok? Elena: I don't know what to think but I do know that I don't want to talk to you and I don't really want to be around you right now Stefan: Look, please, just... Elena: No. This is my brother's blood on my hands, Stefan. I stabbed him in the neck last night, so forgive me if I'm not in the mood to listen you try to talk your way out of this (She goes in the bathroom and slams the door) [Lockwood's Mansion] (A hybrid pours alcohol to Haley. Tyler enters and she looks at him, smirking) Tyler: You're still going? I drank enough last night. And then I slept, which is what you guys should have done Hybrid: We're just paying our respects to Dean Tyler: That's great, Chris, but would you pay them at a bar instead? Haley: Don't be mad. We're celebrating our fallen hybrid friend (She makes him drink but he doesn't want to. She wipes his mouth with her finger and then sucks her finger, looking at him. Klaus enters) Klaus: Well, don't let me interrupt Tyler: I didn't know you were here Klaus: Clearly. Thought I'd just pop 'round to celebrate Dean's successful retrieval of the vampire hunter. Yet when I arrived, I learned that not only was Dean unsuccessful, but that Elena killed the hunter Haley: Well, maybe if you had let Dean use force on Connor instead of sending him in on a suicide mission... Klaus: Maybe you should mind your business, wolf girl Tyler: What do you care if Connor's dead, anyway? Klaus: I have my reasons. They have ceased to matter. Cheers (He drinks. Someone knocks on the door. Tyler opens. It's Caroline. She gives him a box) Caroline: Brought your stuff. Old laptop, your Jersey, the charm bracelet Tyler: Car... This isn't a good time Caroline: Just take it (Klaus rejoins them) Klaus: Caroline. By the break-up drama unfolding before me, I assume you've met Haley. All right, come on, let's go. Let's leave them alone. Your talents are needed elsewhere Tyler: For what? Klaus: I think you've got more important things to deal with, mate (He leaves, his hybrids following him. Caroline looks at Haley and closes the door. Then she smiles do does Haley) Caroline: Do you think he bought it? Haley: Hell, I bought it Caroline: Thanks for the head's up that he was here, Haley Tyler: You girls are good liars (Then he kisses Caroline and Haley looks at them) [Gilbert's House] (Elena is in the shower. Suddenly, the water becomes blood. She looks at the water but it's normal. She looks ah the shower and there's blood. She takes a towel and gets out) (Damon is in the kitchen, cleaning. Stefan enters) Damon: Where'd Jeremy go? Stefan: School. Bonnie has him volunteering for some occult exhibit Damon: Or maybe he didn't want to linger in a house where his sister just jammed a knife in his neck (Stefan's phone rings. He looks at it) Stefan: It's Klaus Damon: Ooh, time to face the music, pay the piper, dance with the devil Stefan: You know, I'm glad you find this amusing. If he finds out I told you about the cure, he'll kill both of us Damon: Quit avoiding him. You're being shady. Shady people get outed (Stefan answers) Stefan: I don't want to talk about it Klaus: Well, I can't imagine why, what with you ruining all my plans for a hybrid-filled future Stefan: Well, it wouldn't happened if you hadn't sworn me to secrecy Klaus: Life's full of ifs, Stefan. Let's extenuate the positives, shall we? The hunter was one of five. We'll find another. It may take centuries, but we've got nothing but time, right? Stefan: You're using your calm voice today. Who's getting killed? Klaus: Not you, if that's what you're worried about. But I am concerned about your beloved. Have the hallucinations started yet? (Stefan looks at Damon) Stefan: What do you know about that? Klaus: I'll tell you. Where you are? Stefan: I'm at her house Klaus: How convenient. So am i (He arrives at the house and knocks on the door) (Stefan opens the door and goes out) Klaus: You know, this would all be a lot more civilized if I was just invited inside Stefan: Bad enough I'm out here talking to you. What do you know? Klaus: I killed the Original five hunters, remember? When one kills a hunter, there's a bit of a consequence Stefan: What kind of consequence? Klaus: Hunters were spelled by witches to kill vampires. If you prevent one from fulfilling his destiny, then he'll take you down with him Stefan: What do you mean? Connor's dead Klaus: I mean, Connor's death won't prevent him from making Elena his final vampire kill. She'll need to come with me now. I'll lock her up; keep her away from any sharp, wooden objects Stefan: She's not going anywhere with you Klaus: But if we leave her alone, she'll take her own life before the day is out Stefan: She's stronger than that Klaus: Is she? Believe me, it's for her own good (Elena is in her bedroom, dressing up. She looks at herself in the mirror and then opens a drawer. Connor is behind her. She surprised and turns herself. He touches the blood on his neck) Connor: Would you like some? You seem to enjoy it when you drink from me Elena: I wasn't myself. I was angry Connor: Were you yourself when you snapped my neck with your bare hands? Elena: You staked me! Connor: 'Cause you're a monster and you deserve to die. Admit it! Elena: No (She enters the kitchen. Damon's there but when he gets up, it's Connor) Elena: Damon... Connor: Decomposition starts in the first 24 hours. I'm rotting in an unmarked grave because of you Elena: No! (She runs and Damon looks at her) Damon: What's wrong? Elena! (She gets out. Klaus turns himself. He takes her and disappears. Damon comes out and looks at Stefan) [Mystic Falls' High School] (Jeremy looks at the tattoo on his hand. Matt rejoins him) Jeremy: Hey, do you see anything on my hand? What if I told you I saw the beginning of a mark like Connor's? Matt: Are you serious? Jeremy: It showed up after he died. He told me that I was a potential; that that's why I could see his mark Matt: So what does that make you, like the next chosen one or something? (April rejoins them) April: Hey, guys (She's holding a big roc) Matt: Hey April (Shane's there too) Shane: Way to let her do the heavy lifting. I found her wandering the hallways with this. Just teasing. I'm the guy who wrangles all the freaky stuff, Atticus Shane. Please, call me Shane, I beg you. Thank you guys for helping, I really appreciate it. Y'all get free admission to my free exhibit (He smiles and leaves. April look at them) April: Why does he look so familiar? Jeremy: No idea April: Hey, um, have you guys seen Rebekah? She said she was going to help me look into what caused the explosion at my dad's farm, and then she just... Matt: Disappeared, yeah, I know [Gilbert's House] Bonnie: You lost her?! Damon: Well, "lost" is a very strong word. We just technically don't know where she is Stefan: I'm more worried about what Klaus said about this hunter's curse Bonnie: How does Klaus even know about this? Damon: How does Klaus know anything? The guy's like a billion year's old Stefan: He said it was a witch's curse Bonnie: You know if I could do anything to help, I would, but I... Damon: But nothing. Wave your magic wand, hocus pocus, be gone, hunter, ghosts, whatever Bonnie: The spirits won't let me do the magic I need to break the curse. But I can ask Shane for help. He knows everything about everything Stefan: Great. You two do your thing Damon: Where you going? Stefan: To get her back (He leaves) [Klaus' Mansion] (Chris opens the door to a room and Klaus enters with Elena, holding her) Elena: Let go of me! Klaus: Certainly (He lets go of her) Klaus: I apologize for the lack of windows. It's to preserve the art. And, of course, to prevent you from taking off your daylight ring and burning yourself to death in the sun Elena: I'm not going to kill myself. I would never do that Klaus: Oh, but you'll want to. I did. Problem is, I'm immortal Elena: You went through this? Klaus: Yes, I did. For 52 years, four months and nine days. I was tormented... In my dreams. My every waking moment. Relentless, never-ending torture. It was the only period of my life when I actually felt time Elena: So you knew that this would happen if Connor died. That's why you got involved. Did Stefan know, too? Klaus: All he knew was that the hunter had to be kept alive. You should have listened to him when he said he had it covered, love Elena: What else does Stefan know? Klaus: Well, that's one of life's little mysteries, isn't it? Elena: How did you make it stop? Klaus: I didn't. Eventually it just stopped. The hallucinations tend to appear in strange forms. Don't say I didn't warn you [A road] (Stefan is on the phone with Caroline) Stefan: He's got Elena. I need Tyler to get the other hybrids away so I can get her out. I know I'm probably asking the impossible, but... Caroline: Actually... You're not [Lockwood's Mansion] (Stefan is in the living room with Tyler and Caroline) Tyler: Haley is the one that helped me break the sire bond. She showed me what to do. How to help. When she showed up here, I thought it was just coincidence. But it turns out she's been helping one of them. Her friend Chris. And she came to help us get the rest of them out from under Klaus Stefan: So... Are you telling me that Chris isn't sired anymore? Caroline: That's exactly what he's telling you [Klaus's Mansion] (Chris enters Elena's room with some stuff) Chris: Clothes, toothbrush. Klaus said you're going to be here until he figures out where to put you Elena: Just please go away (Chris leaves but Connor appears) Connor: I can't. I'm going to be with you forever. A constant reminder of what you've become. So tell me. How did it feel to drain the life out of me? Elena: It was horrible. It was the worst thing that I've ever done Connor: You're lying Elena: No, I'm not Connor: Yes, you are. Tell the truth Elena: I am telling the truth Connor: You're lying Elena: Fine! I liked it. I loved the taste of your blood. Are you happy? Connor: I'm not happy, Elena. I'm dead. Did you know I had a family? A brother? Parents Elena: I'm sorry. I'm really sorry Connor: Are you sorry about your parents? It's your fault they died Elena: Don't Connor: They ran off Wickery Bridge with you in the car, but they weren't supposed to be there, were they? They died because of you. You know I'm not going to stop until you've taken your last miserable breath Elena: I'm not going to let you do this to me Connor: Then get rid of me. Kill yourself. You never wanted to be a vampire in the first place. Now look at what you've become. A monster. And you deserve to die. You don't want to listen to me? Fine (Katherine appears) Katherine: Then how about you and I have a little chat Elena: Katherine? Katherine: Did you miss me? [SCENE_BREAK] [Mystic Falls' High School] (It's professor's Shane exhibit) Shane: You're looking at what people believe to be the world's first tombstone. This item was donated to Whitmore college last month (April, Matt and Jeremy are listening) April: Oh, I just remembered how I know him. Through my dad Matt: That guy knew your dad? April: Yeah. He taught a theology seminar at Whitmore last year Shane: ...belonged to a very powerful witch. A witch so powerful, in fact, that Silas... That was his name... Created a spell that would grant him... Immortality. Now legend says that Silas did the spell with the help of a lady witch who loved him, a woman named Qetsiyah. Sadly for Qetsiyah, Silas wanted to give immortality to another woman. So Qetsiyah killed her and buried Silas alive, leaving him powerless, immortal, and alone. This might actually be the origin story of hell hath no fury like a woman scorned (Damon and Bonnie are here) Damon: You got this? Bonnie: Yeah. I'll bring him to you Shane: Now it's said that Silas wants to rise again. Regain his power. Wreak havoc on the world. Maybe we should be afraid. Or maybe it's all a bunch of crap and that's just an old rock. All right, listen, enjoy exploring the exhibit. I'll be around to answer any questions. Thank you for coming (He rejoins Bonnie) Shane: Hey. You made it Bonnie: Nice cautionary tale. Qetsiyah sounds like a bad ass Shane: Nothing compared to Silas [Klaus' Mansion] Katherine: Ugh, don't you ever stop crying? Poor Elena, always the victim. Except now you're a killer. What does Stefan think of the new you? Elena: Shut up Katherine: The girl he fell in love with is gone, you know. You're like me now. Maybe worse Elena: I made a mistake. I can do better Katherine: No. You can't. You're a vampire. You'll kill again. It'll change you, and it'll keep changing you until you're just like me Elena: I am nothing like you Katherine: I was you before you even existed. And when Stefan knew the real me... He hated me. Now he's going to hate you, too. Well, at least you still have Damon Elena: Shut up! [Mystic Falls' High School] (Damon is sitting in Alaric's classroom, at his desk. He takes a bottle in a drawer and drinks) Damon: You're missing all the adventure, pal (Bonnie and Shane enter) Bonnie: Shane, this is my friend Damon. He's kind of an expert on this stuff, too Damon: I audited your class. It's very enlightening Shane: That's right, I remember you. What's your specialty? Damon: The origin of the species Shane: Oh, I think Darwin would arm wrestle you for that distinction Damon: Not that species Shane: You're into the monster stuff. All right, awesome Damon: I was kind of hoping that you might have stumbled upon this at some point... Maybe (He gives him a paper. Shane opens him. Bonnie looks at him) Shane: This is the hunter's mark. Where did you get this? Damon: Came to me in a dream. You know anything about the hunter's curse? Shane: Why, you got a dead hunter in the trunk of your car or something? Damon: Metaphorically speaking Shane: Legend says that if a hunter is killed by that which he hunts, then that person will be cursed to walk the earth and torment them till... Bonnie: Until... Shane: Until a new hunter's awakened and their legacy's passed on. They're called "potentials" (Damon takes his phone) Shane: Listen, I have a bunch of research on it, why don't I go grab it for you Damon: That would be great. Hey, thanks (Shane leaves) Bonnie: How are we supposed to find a potential hunter? Damon: Yeah, about that... (He's on the phone) Damon: Little Gilbert. Your services are needed [Klaus' Mansion] (Chris is in the living room with Tyler and Stefan) Tyler: Thanks for meeting us Chris: Yeah, well, make it fast. Klaus will be back soon Tyler: No, he won't [Mystic Grill] (Klaus is at the bar, drinking wine. Caroline rejoins him) Caroline: Place looks pretty good considering your hybrid got blown up in it Klaus: Caroline. To what do I owe the pleasure? Caroline: I want you to give Elena back Klaus: Ahh. They sent you to sweet talk me. Well, good form, but I'm afraid I can't do it Caroline: Why not? Klaus: She needs my help. Look, I'm not going to burden you with the gory details. I know you have enough on your plate already Caroline: That's none of your business, actually Klaus: Yes, well, just know that if Tyler was still sired to me, he never would have hurt you. I wouldn't have let him. Can I at least offer you a drink? Caroline: Yeah. Thanks (He smiles) [Klaus' Mansion] (Stefan and Tyler are still there) Stefan: All you need to do is give me access to Elena and I'll take it from there Tyler: Please, man. Help us, and then you can disappear. You'll be free Chris: Yeah, until Klaus sends one of his other hybrids after me Tyler: Haley and I got your back. We'll make sure nothing happens (Elena has her eyes closed. Katherine has reappeared) Katherine: You were such a good girl when you were a human. Always willing to sacrifice yourself for your friends. Except, weren't they usually the ones that ended up getting hurt? Elena: I never wanted that Katherine: Bonnie lost her grams because of you. Her mom almost turned into a vampire because of you. You know, she probably secretly hates you. Did you ever think of that? I bet she'd be relieved if you were gone Elena: I'm not going to kill myself Katherine: Why not? Your very existence brings people nothing but pain. I mean maybe it was worth it when you were worth it. But you're nothing now. You're a monster, Elena. You deserve to die (Chris rejoins the 2 hybrids guarding Elena) Chris: Klaus said you two have to go to Tyler Hybrid: Why Chris: Something about his girl Caroline. I'll take over here (He looks at the hallway. Stefan rejoins him. Chris gives him the key) (Elena is sitting on the floor. Stefan enters) Stefan: Elena. Hey (She sees Connor instead of Stefan) Elena: No. No, no, no Stefan: Hey, it's me Elena: No, stay... Stay away from me Stefan: Let me help you (She breaks a post from the bed and rushes over him) Stefan: No, Elena, stop! (But she sees Connor instead. She pushes him against the wall and stabs him in the gut. She leaves) [Mystic Falls High School] (Bonnie and Damon are in the cafeteria) Bonnie: How did I not know any of this stuff about Jeremy? Damon: The witch who loses her powers gets left out of the important conversations (Jeremy rejoins them) Jeremy: Is everything ok?! Is it Elena? Bonnie: We figured out how to help her. You need to kill a vampire Jeremy: Oh, great. Give me a stake. I'll kill Damon right now Damon: Easy, van Helsing. We'll get you one. Don't worry Bonnie: Before you do this, you need to know what you're getting yourself into (Damon's phone rings. He answers. It's Stefan) Damon: You can rest easy, brother. We figured out how to solve our little Elena problem Stefan: Yeah, well, now we have a bigger one. I lost her Damon: What? Again? Stefan: She's in bad shape. I tried to help her, but she attacked me. Listen, you go find her, all right? Talk her down. She'll listen to you. Just tell me what I need to do to end this [Mystic Grill] (Caroline is at the bar, looking at her phone. She receives a text from Stefan) Caroline: So here's the thing. I didn't just come here to try to get you to release Elena Klaus: You don't say Caroline: I came here to distract you so that Stefan could go to your house and break her out, which he did. And don't get mad, but then he lost her (He gets up quickly) Caroline: Klaus! Klaus: Caroline. You're beautiful, but if you don't stop talking, I will kill you Caroline: They figured out how to stop the hallucinations Klaus: Okay. You have 10 seconds to tell me [Middle of Nowhere] (Elena is walking, remembering everything that happened since her transformation. Connor appears next to her) Connor: Are you ready to die yet? You know it's your only way out of this (Katherine appears on her other side) Katherine: You can't take back what you did. It can never be undone. You're a monster and you deserve to die (She's at Wickery Bridge but she seems surprised. Katherine and Connor both disappear. She looks around and seems upset but resigned. She gets closer to the edge and looks at the water below. Her mother appears next to her) Miranda: It's ok, sweetie Elena: Mom? Miranda: I know what you're going through. And it's ok. This bridge is... Where your life should have ended. Not just once, but twice. You were ready to die, remember? Elena: I don't know what to do Miranda: Yes, you do, honey. You know exactly what to do (Miranda looks at Elena's hand and Elena does the same. She raises her hand and looks at her ring) Miranda: That's right. The sun will come up and this will all be over. It's the right thing to do, Elena. You know it is. Admit it Elena: Because I'm a monster. And I deserve to die. I can't do this. I can't leave Jeremy Miranda: Jeremy is better off without you. Don't you see that? Elena: But mom, he won't have anyone! Miranda: He'll have you. You'll be a ghost who helps him, not a monster who hurts him Elena: You're... you're right. I... I... I'm sorry. Mommy, I didn't mean to disappoint you Miranda: Oh. You didn't. You were everything I ever wanted you to be. But you died. And you were supposed to stay dead (Damon arrives) Damon: Elena Elena: Damon? How... how did you find me? Damon: Didn't take a genius to figure it out. The third time's a charm? Elena: You were right, Damon. Vampires kill people. And Stefan was right, too. I can't live with myself Damon: Look at you. Being all glass is half empty. Let's just go talk about this before you do something stupid. Okay? Connor: The sun will be up soon. It's almost over Damon: Where's your ring? Where's your ring, Elena? [Lockwood's Mansion] (Chris is there with Tyler and Haley) Tyler: You're doing a good thing, Chris Chris: Yeah, well, let's see how fast a good thing could get me out of town Haley: Call me when you're safe, ok? (She embraces him) Chris: Yeah (He opens the door but Klaus is there) Klaus: Going somewhere? (He strangles him and pushes him against the wall) Klaus: When I said don't let her out of your sight, what did you think I meant? Tyler: It's not his fault! It's mine. I was distracting him. It's my fault she got away! Klaus: And maybe you should be the one to die for it Haley: No one has to die! Klaus: id I not say mind your business?! Haley: Tyler's covering for me. I'm the one that let her go Tyler: Haley... Haley: You want someone dead, go ahead. Kill me. I'd rather die anyway then end up as one of your sired little bitches Klaus: Don't tempt me, little wolf (He looks at Chris) Klaus: Your existence is to serve me. To please me. Do you understand? Chris: I'm sorry. I won't fail you again Klaus: No. You won't. Get out of here (Stefan enters and stakes him in the guts) Haley: No! (Haley is shocked. Jeremy enters with an axe) Tyler: Jeremy? [Wickery Bridge] Damon: We need to get you inside (Connor appears) Connor: It's almost time Damon: What you're going through is a curse. We know how to break it, we just have to get you inside! Connor: Don't let him stop you. I know you want to. But you can't. Don't (Damon looks at the sky) Damon: Damn it, Elena! (He tries to catch her but he can't) [Lockwood's Mansion] Tyler: What the hell, man?! (Klaus smiles) Stefan: I'm sorry (Stefan looks at Jeremy. Jeremy kills Chris. Haley screams. Jeremy has blood on his face. He looks at his hand. His tattoo grows) [Wickery Bridge] (Elena opens her yes and looks above Damon's shoulder) Elena: He's gone Damon: It's okay (Her skin starts to burn) Elena: Damon? (He takes her and jumps in the water with her) [Gilbert's House] (Elena wakes up. She has her ring on her finger. She looks at it. Damon is sitting on her bed) Damon: Fished it out of the river for you. Little tip... Vampires hate to swim. How you feeling? Elena: My head's clear. I can remember everything, but not like I lived it. Like it was a really bad dream. You saved me. Thank you Damon: Well, you know what they say about teenage suicide. Don't do it Elena: I just can't believe that I almost... Damon: You weren't yourself Elena: Yeah, but if it wasn't for you... Damon: I'm about to take a very... High and annoying road and tell you something. Because I know that you think Stefan's been lying to you. Which, yeah. He has. But this... rough patch that you two have been going through, it's not what you think. Everything that he's been doing, he's been doing for you. To help you. And after he kills me for telling you this, I want you to throw my ashes off of Wickery Bridge, ok? There may be a way out of this for you, Elena. There may be a cure [Lockwood's Mansion] (Haley is asleep on the couch. Tyler is sitting next to her, a bottle in his hand. Caroline enters) Caroline: Tyler Tyler: It's just us. Paying our respects to Chris Caroline: Tyler... we didn't have a choice Tyler: I told him we had his back. I told him if he helped us, he'd be free Caroline: We needed to help our friend. Tyler: Yeah, we helped our friend by handing over another friend Caroline: Chris wasn't... Tyler: Chris was a friend, Caroline. He's like me. He's part of my pack. All he wanted to do was be unsired by that disgusting piece of... How did you even get Klaus to agree to give up one of his hybrids? Caroline: I agreed to go on a date with him. I just thought that it might help keep up the ruse between you and Haley (He throws the bottle on the wall. Haley wakes up) Haley: What the hell is going on? Tyler: Nothing. Nothing at all. Just celebrating the life of a fallen hybrid friend [Mystic Grill] (Damon sits at the bar) Damon: Bourbon. Make that two (Matt rejoins him) Matt: Still saving a spot for Mr. Saltzman, huh? Damon: I'd say I'm in the market for a new drinking buddy. You're not qualified Matt: I know that you don't like me. But I dug up some stuff about the explosion at the Young farm that I kind of need to tell someone about. So April mentioned that her dad knew that professor Shane guy. Which wouldn't be creepy, except he had all that info about the hunter's curse. And we live in a town where, you know, anybody who knows stuff is creepy until proven otherwise Damon: You're on the verge of impressing me. Drive it home Matt: I got the sheriff to dig up the pastor's phone records. Turns out, he made like a call a day to the same number the last month he was alive. And on the day the council got blown up at the farm, he called it ten times. The office of professor Atticus Shane [Whitmore College] (Shane and Bonnie are in his office) Shane: Did your, uh, did your friend Damon, did he get everything he was looking for in my files? Bonnie: Yeah. Thanks. I, um... I have to ask, how do you know all this stuff? Shane: Bonnie... I have been around the world ten times over. I've studied every supernatural creature known to man. And for the record, witches are hands down the most powerful, so I'm in your corner all the way, I'm your biggest ally. But let me just say one thing. When your new hunter, and I know you have one... When he completes his mark, you're going to want to come to me. 'Cause I'm going to be the only one who can help. Trust me on that, ok? The only one [Gilbert's House] (Stefan is on the porch. Elena comes out) Elena: I'm sorry that I stabbed you Stefan: No, it's all right. I probably deserved it. So, um... Damon told me that he clued you in Elena: You didn't kill him, did you? Stefan: Nah, screw the lies and the secrets. We all want the same thing. We just have to work together for it Elena: Stefan... Why did you send Damon to come look for me instead of you? Stefan: I sent him because lately... It seems like he's able to get through to you in ways that I can't. You listen to him. You trust him. Even when you can't trust me Elena: I didn't mean to not... Stefan: Come on, Elena. I mean, after everything that we've been through... You can admit it Elena: You have been so strong for me. Helping me. Fighting for that girl that chose you. The girl that I was when I died on the bridge. And I love you so much for wanting to find this cure, because I'd like nothing more than to get her back. Because the... The girl that she's become... That... That I've become, is different. Somehow. Darker. I... Who I am, what I want... Stefan: Or... who you want? Elena: Something's changed... Between Damon and me. Much more than it ever used to be. It's like... It's like everything that I felt for him before I was a vampire... Stefan: It's been magnified. Your feelings for him have been magnified Elena: I'm sorry. I don't want to lie to you Stefan: You know, before, when I was the, uh... The ripper... I understood why you cared for him. I mean, I practically drove you to it. But now... I can't do this, Elena. Not anymore Elena: I know

Elena is hallucinating about the death of Connor, which is slowly driving her mad. Klaus informs the Salvatore brothers that Elena needs to be locked away, because eventually she will try to kill herself. After stealing her away from the brothers, he explains that due to killing the original five hunters, he experienced the same thing and there is no cure. Meanwhile, Shane is hosting an exhibition at the school with Bonnie's help. Damon and Bonnie turn to him for answers. He tells them that Elena's hallucinations are due to a witch's curse and the only cure is for a potential hunter to make a first kill and pass along the last hunter's powers. Jeremy has discovered the beginnings of the mark on him. Stefan goes to break Elena out only to have her attack him and escape. She goes to the bridge where she died and the hunter, Katherine, and her mother convince her to take her own life. She drops her daylight ring into the water. Stefan sends Damon to bring her back. Klaus provides Jeremy with one of his hybrids to kill to complete his transition to a hunter and break the curse in return for a single date with Caroline. This causes tension between Caroline and Tyler, not just because of her having a date with Klaus but also because in Tyler's eyes "[Caroline] sacrificed one friend for another." He feels as if he's the only one in the group that considers the hybrids' safety. The curse is broken just as dawn comes, and Damon saves Elena by throwing them both in the river. He tells Elena that Stefan had been lying to them, but it was all for her. Stefan and Elena sit on the front steps and talk. Elena admits that as a vampire, her feelings for Damon have been magnified, and Stefan tells her he can't do this any more so they mutually decide to split up.

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_03x16

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_03x16_0

(Camera focuses on the water. Faces can be seen in the background, Derek looking into the tub, Cristina poking out from around her locker, Bailey in the ambulance bay, George at the crash scene, Alex with Jane Doe, Izzie with Rick, Ellis in her hospital bed, and Lisa walking away from the dock) MVO: Like I said disappearances happen. Pains go phantom, blood stops running, and people fade away. (Meredith is swimming and fighting. She emerges from the water and is trying to surface.) MVO: There's more I have to say. So much more. But I've disappeared. (Meredith sinks into the water and the water calms as bubbles appear) (Cristina is at a nurse's station.) Nurse Kate: Did you check on Kramer in 2309 because his x-rays are done and I don't know what to do? Tyler: Higgins in 2312 needs diet orders before... Cristina: Done and done. I need you to monitor Collins in 2323. Page me if his systolic drops below 90. I gave him a low dose of dig to lower his heart rate. And have either of you seen Dr. Grey? Kate: Uh, I checked on her earlier but she's a little sedate today. Cristina: Not Dr. Ellis Grey. Dr. Meredith Grey. Kate: No. Tyler: Not since this morning. Cristina: Fine. Um, if there's anything emergent page me in the pit. (Carly's OR) Carly: George, did you find him? Is Chris ok? Is he awake? Is he...? Bailey: Answer Mrs. Height, O'Malley. George: Chris is fine. He's glad you're ok and he'll be waiting for you after surgery. He's being very brave Carly: That's my Chris. That's my boy. Thank you, Dr. O'Malley. Thank you so much. (George goes to leave and Bailey walks with him) Bailey: Dr. O'Malley. Hold up a second. What happens when the happy mother in there wakes up and her son isn't there to greet her? What then? How you gonna explain that? O'Malley? George: If she wakes up after surgery because of my lie, I'm ok with that Dr. Bailey. Bailey: Find that child. George: Yes, ma'am. (Jane Doe's room) Richard: Her echo's showed cardiac tamponade. Burke: So out first priority is stabilize the traumatic pericardial infusion. Addison: Keeping mom alive means keeping baby alive. I'll monitor the surgery while he operates. Burke: I'll notify the OR. (Burke leaves as Alex enters) Alex: Chief, we've got a mob scene in the clinic of people looking for missing family members and nothing but a two hour old list of patients. Richard: No one has any more information than you do. The police are asking us questions. Search and rescue can't track it. Well have to do it ourselves. Alex: Is there some kind of system that...? Richard: You're the system, Karev. Figure it out. (Richard leaves) Alex: How's she doing? Addison: Well, we won't know until we get her up to the OR. She's still a Jane Doe? Alex: Yeah. Addison: To be in that condition and have no one that even knows. Alex: What? Addison: She's all-alone. It makes you think. I mean, if I went missing would anyone even know I was gone. (The accident scene) Friend: Do something. Izzie: He's still seizing, there's nothing more I can do. Vince: You're supposed to put something in his mouth so he can't bite his tongue. Aren't ya? Izzie: Nobody's putting anything in his mouth. We just have to just him ride it out. Vince: What are you gonna do? You can't just let him die. Izzie: They're gonna come soon, in a little while, and they'll get him out. Vince: You said we don't get much time. Greg: What if they don't get him out from there before he... Izzie: I don't know. I don't know, ok? I don't know. Vince: Please, you can't quit on us now. You just...you just gotta try something else. Izzie: I'm out of practice. I've been watching. For weeks, I've just been watching. And I...I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Vince: You stopped the bleeding, that was good. Come on please. I...I know this guy. I believe in him. I believe he can make it. You gotta believe in it too. You gotta believe you can do this, please. Don't stop now. Izzie: Who's got a cell phone? (All three of them hand their cell phones to Izzie) (Derek is walking through the trauma scene) Derek: You guys good? You ok? Yeah, what do you got? Paramedic: Severely severed leg but he's got his artery tied off so...something. Derek: Yeah, who tied off the artery? (He looks at the coat on the business man and sees Meredith's name badge) Dr. Grey? This is her jacket. Paramedic: We found him like this. She must have moved on. Derek: Yeah, ok. (Derek looks up and sees Lisa standing there all-alone.) Doctor: Doc? Derek: Yeah. What is it? Just stabilize the fracture and get him to the hospital as soon as possible. (He makes his way over to Lisa) Hi. You ok? Did a doctor bring you here? Huh, Meredith? Meredith ok? (Lisa shakes her head no and the scene changes to Meredith under water. She is no longer swimming or struggling in any way. She is merely sinking.) (George is in the clinic with the picture of Chris. He is walking around looking at the boys in the room. He stops at one little boy) George: Hi, my name's George. Is your name Chris? Boy: No. George: (To the man nearby) Is he...? Thank you. (To the boy) Thank you, very much. (George leaves the clinic as Alex enters. The people see Alex entering and flock to him.) Man: Do you have a new list? Alex: Uh, not yet. Man: Nothing? How can there be no new information? Angry Lady: Isn't there someone you can call? Someone who knows something. Alex: Uh, nobody knows anything right now. (The crowd begins yelling at Alex) Quiet! All right, that list is all I have for you and it sucks but that's it. (The crowd is yelling again) Angry Lady: I can't believe you don't have some kind of a system. I mean... Alex: Give me a minute to think, I'll come up with a damn system. (The crowd disperses with the attitude that Alex should be more understanding) Sydney: I just want you to know that I understand you're under a lot of pressure. If you...if you just need to sit for a minute, or if you need a hand, or a hug. (Alex sees a Polaroid camera on the counter. He takes it and walks off. Sydney looks like she feels very useless) (Richard is in the gallery above Jane Doe's surgery when his cell phone rings) Richard: Chief Webber. Izzie: Oh, chief, I gotta guy here and we can't extricate him... Richard: Hold on, who is this? Izzie: ...and I've tried everything... Richard: Hold on. Who is this? Izzie: It's Izzie Stevens. I'm at the dock. I've got a patient with a depressed skull fracture and probably an inter-cranial bleed. Richard: Is he showing signs of increased pressure? Izzie: Yes, his left pupil is blown, he's gone limp, he's seizing and now his right pupil is dilating. Richard: He could be herniating. What's your ETA to the hospital. (Richard is now in the hallway) Izzie: That's what I'm saying, we can't get him out. He's stuck under a car and we can't get him out. Richard: Ok, first you've got to stay calm. Izzie: I can't stay calm. Calm was over minutes ago, calm is gone, calm is an impossibility. I've got his best friends here and I can't let him die. So, please just tell me what I need to do. Richard: You need to do some burr holes. Izzie: Burr holes? I can't do burr holes out here. Richard: Do you want to save his life, Stevens? Izzie: Yes. Richard: All right, I need a minute to check something out in the book and then I'll talk you through it. Izzie: You're looking it up in a book? Richard: I'm not a neurosurgeon, Stevens. And I want to make sure we get this right. (Loudly to the people around him) Somebody find me a copy of Boardman's Neurosurgery. (Mark walks up) Mark: Everything ok? Richard: You know anything about making burr holes? Mark: Done it a couple times. Richard: Good, don't go anywhere. Stevens, listen to me. Izzie: (To Vince and his friends) I'm gonna need a drill. Vince: There's one in my truck. Friend: What do you need a drill for? Izzie: I've gotta drill holes in your friend's head. (Vince and his friends all look at Izzie like she is insane. Izzie looks rather nauseous.) (George is in the ER looking for Chris. He is looking over, under and behind everything. He looks behind the curtain that is near Cristina.) Cristina: Hello, I'm suturing here. George: Sorry. Cristina: You just get back? George: Yeah. Um, I'm looking...have you, uh, seen any lost children down here? Cristina: Is Meredith back too? Cause I need her it's really important. This kids missing, his mom's in surgery. Cristina: What kind of surgery? George: This kids lost. You didn't see it today, Cristina. You weren't out there. Cristina: I know. George: Have you seen any lost kids down here, or not? Cristina: Not. George: Ok. Cristina: Do you know where Meredith is? George: I'm leaving. Cristina: Yeah, I know. (Alex is in the clinic tacking polaroids of the injured to the bulletin board) Alex: All right, if you can identify the patient, please write their name on their picture. Sydney: I've got markers. Alex: These patients are in surgery and these patients are in the ICU. Man 2: This is Patina. Is she ok? Alex: Uh, yeah. She's in the OR, stable. Ok, all these people have been transferred from other hospitals. Sydney: And I have the details. Alex: (To Sydney) If it's ok, I've gotta a case I need to check on. (Alex starts to leave and is stopped by Angry Lady) Angry Lady: My husband's not on that board. Man: Kelly Winters, she's not either. Angry Lady: What does that mean? Alex: It's...it's...they could be in shock or walked away from the site or... Angry Lady: Just say it. A lot of people died. They're dead. Alex: We don't know that. Man: So, how can we know? Man 3: My wife? She wasn't in these photos either but she's pregnant. Is it possible you just didn't see her? Alex: She's pregnant? (Lisa and Derek are at the scene. She looks very frightened and is trying to look around for some familiar landmark or person. Derek is holding her hand.) Derek: What? It's ok. Just think. Where is she? Which way did she go? It's ok. Take your time. Take all the time you need, you're doing great. What is it? (Lisa spots a red cross sign and walks toward it) Derek: Good. (They stop on the dock. Lisa stares out into the water.) Derek: Ok, use your words. Where exactly is Meredith. (She points into the water and Derek looks terrified) (Meredith is still sinking and then the scene changes to Jane Doe's surgery) Burke: The leak in the heart is coming from the right atrium. Addison: Are you gonna put her on bypass cause that could compromise the baby. Burke: No, I can fix her heart while it's still beating. Push 40 milligrams of abizonole. (Alex enters) Alex: Found her husband. I found him. She's not a Jane Doe. Her name's Casey. Casey Clarke. (Addison gives him a look) What? Addison: How do you know? Alex: What? Addison: How do you know it's Casey Clarke? Alex: Well she's pregnant and... Addison: There were hundreds of people on that ferry, Alex. Hundreds. And chances are that more than one were pregnant. Now, do not give that man hope unless you are certain. Do not give him hope until you've checked every last body in the morgue. Alex: Dr. Burke can I, uh...(He holds up the camera) Burke: Yes, make it fast. (Alex leaves) Addison: I gotta tell ya, this group of interns... Burke: Emotional. Addison: Head strong. Burke: Hot headed, stubborn, they think they know everything. And you can only give them so much rope before they hang themselves with it. It's like they lose all rationality. They won't listen to reason. Addison: Geez Preston, don't hold back. (The monitor starts beeping) Addison: It's getting hypotensive. All right, I'm seeing some late decels in the fetal heart monitor. Baby is not getting enough blood. Burke: Almost...just got one...more stitch. Got it, turn on the Echo. Addison: Baby's heart rate stabilized. Burke: Hmm, think we've seen the worst of it. (Alex enters the stairwell where George is squatting and looking at a map of the hospital) Alex: What's the deal? George: Do you know how massive this hospital is? How many people, not just sick people, not to mention, if I'm a little kid, how many places can I hide. He's little. A little kid could hide anywhere. Alex: What you're looking for a kid? George: Yeah. His mom's in surgery and I um...if I don't find him Bailey will...well to start she'll change her son's middle name to Elvis or Tupperware or...I'm not kidding, anything will be better than George. Alex: I know a place a kid might be. George: Really. (George and Alex are in the morgue. Alex is taking pictures) George: You could have warned me. Alex: You didn't check down here, right? George: No. Alex: So, stop whining and tell me if you find a pregnant chick. You know, you're not the only one with a detail that sucks. You know, I'm supposed to deal with these freaked out families. I'm not good with people; they should just let me stick to patients. George: Patients are people, especially kids. Alex: You know what I mean. George: He's face down. How does that...? Come here and help me turn his body right. Alex: Dude. George: Don't tell me it doesn't matter. God, I swear to... Alex: Dramatic much? George: This doesn't bother you? Any of this? All this death, it doesn't mean anything to you? Alex: I'm working, why would it? George: Yeah but I was working when...Caucasian female about 30 years old. She's...she's pretty. She looks about 7 months pregnant. (Alex takes a picture) (The scenes, Greg is holding the phone up) Richard: Now remember Stevens that drill just isn't going to stop like a neurosurgical drill. So, as soon as you feel the release in pressure, stop the drill or you'll pierce his brain. Izzie: Even if I don't see blood? [SCENE_BREAK] (Mark and Richard are in an x-ray room) Mark: Trust your instincts Stevens, trust the feel of it. Izzie: I'm ready. No, wait, I need to clean the drill off, one more time. Richard: You've cleaned it a dozen times Stevens, it's as clean as it's gonna get. You ready? Izzie: Yes. Richard: Ok, place three fingers above the ear and two or three fingers in front of that on the side where the first pupil blew. Izzie: Got it. Richard: All right, now use the scalpel to make a vertical scalp incision down to the skull. Friend: Jeez. Izzie: I see a lot of blood, a lot. Mark: Superficial bleeders, nothing to worry about. Richard: Are you at the skull? Izzie: Yes. Richard: Drill a hole in the middle of the incision. (Friend hands her a power drill) Vince: Oh, god. Izzie: Ok, that can't happen. Do you understand me? Sounds can't happen. Freaking out can't happen. Because if you freak out, I'm gonna freak out. And I'm the one holding a power drill to your friend's brain. So, if you're gonna vomit, if you're gonna make sounds, step away. If you're gonna stay here you have to pull it together, ok? Vince: I'm good, doc. Izzie: Ok, I'm ready. Mark: The temporal bones only gonna be a couple millimeters thick. Izzie: Ok, I'm in. But the dura looks fine. Richard: You're gonna have to go in again. Izzie: Frontal lobe, right? Richard: That's right. Just behind the hairline, a few centimeters off the midline. Mark: This bone will be thicker, about five times as think as the temporal bone. Izzie: Ok, got it. Second hole down. Mark: What do you see? Izzie: I think I see...blood. I see blood. Richard: Ok, now this is important. Drill around the hole to expand the opening. You have to try and relieve the pressure. Izzie: Ok. Ok. The hole is about 2 centimeters around now. I see blood, I definitely see blood. Richard: Try to evacuate as much of the clot as you can. Izzie: With what? I don't have suction. Mark: Use your finger, gauze, anything. Izzie: I see clotted blood. Richard: No arterial? Izzie: No. Richard: Good, now how does the dura look? Is it bulging or does it look lax? (Mark and Richard both look proud of Izzie) Izzie: Looks like it's pulsating regularly with the heartbeat. That's another good, right? Richard: That's great, Stevens. If it's pulsating that means blood and oxygen are entering the brain. Now, pack it with gauze so you can minimize the bleeding. Izzie: Ok, get the rescue rig in here. Richard: Nicely done, Stevens. Vince: Is that it, is he gonna be ok? Izzie: We've relieved the pressure on his brain but he's still got a lot of other injuries. Friend: Hey, his eyes are open. (They all have a moment of relief) (Lisa is standing on the dock staring into the water when a coast guard officer walks up) Coast Guard: Hey kid! Kid! You ok? You need to come with me. Kid? (He picks Lisa up and starts to carry her away. As he is walking you hear coughing and then Derek walks onto the dock with a very blue and very, very lifeless Meredith in his arms) (Derek is in the ambulance performing CPR on Meredith) Derek: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5...1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Paramedic: ETA's five minutes. Derek: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5...1, 2, 3, 4, 5. (Derek continues CPR with no response from Meredith) (George enters Carly's OR) George: How is she doing? Bailey: Good, no intestinal damage. Missed all her vital organs, she's almost done here. You find her son? George: I've looked everywhere. I've been in contact with the scene, with Mercy West, with Seattle Presbyterian, I've checked in the...he's lost. Or...Or, uh. Bailey: He's in the water. So, when she wakes up I get to inform her that she's not going to die, she's just gonna want to die. George: I'm sorry, I'll...I'm gonna keep looking. Bailey: Yeah, you do that. (Izzie arrives at the hospital with Rick in the ambulance. Richard rushes out to greet her.) Izzie: His right pupils not dilating anymore. He's normal tensive but his pulse is still up in the 130's. Richard: Ok, what's his neurological status? Izzie: GCS is eight. I'm sorry, I ran out of sterile drapes, I had to use some guys t-shirt. It wasn't sweaty or anything, he was a clean guy but... Richard: Ok, call the OR, tell them we're coming up. Izzie: I also dropped the scalpel in the field and by that time I had used all the alcohol swabs on the drill bit. So, I think we should load him up on antibiotics. Lots and lots of antibiotics. Richard: Stevens, you put a drill through a man's skull and didn't hit his brain. You saved his life. Get cleaned up and get to the OR, you've got work to do. Izzie: The OR? Richard: Yes, the OR, you're officially off of probation. (Izzie passes Cristina in the hall) Izzie: Oh, Cristina! Oh my god, you are not gonna believe what I just did. I'm gonna tell you but you are not gonna believe it. You're gonna think I made the whole thing up. Cristina: You're back? Wait, is Meredith back? Izzie: I drilled a hole into this guy's skull. Cristina: What? Izzie: Several holes actually, with a drill I borrowed from a guy named Vince. Packed the whole with freaking tissue then brought him back here and now I get to scrub in on his craniotomy. Cristina: So, you haven't seen Meredith. Izzie: It was like a ride, this crazy roller coaster ride with like adrenaline shooting out of my ears. You think that my hands would be shaking but they weren't, there was no shaking. Did I mention the drill? Cristina: Ok, Izzie, I get it. You are a hero, I am jealous. But I need to know where the hell Meredith is. Izzie: Ok...I don't know where the hell Meredith is but...she should be back here. I didn't see her at the scene. The scene where I was a rockstar, by the way. Did I mention I'm off probation? (Izzie starts to walk away and Cristina gives her a look) Izzie: Rockstar! (Alex is in the clinic and has the pictures of the dead people from the ferry accident) Alex: These photos are fatalities. I know it's difficult but please try to ID who you can. (The people go to the board and slowly take the pictures of their loved ones. Alex is finally touched by the situation) (Rick's OR) Mark: We've agreed to let you do the honors. A few more burr holes to start the craniotomy. Izzie: Really? Mark: You saved his life, you might as well help finish what you started. After I strip off the periosteom you can see what a high-speed neurosurgical drill feels like. Izzie: Drill, please. (Izzie holds the drill smiling) (Alex is in the clinic and sees the devestation of the crowd. He looks around and understands all of it finally. He walks up to the husband of the pregnant woman) Man 3: I have...we have two pregnant women. One of them is...she's in bad shape. She's pretty beat up. She might be hard to recognize. Man 3: That...I don't know. What color's her hair? Alex: Brown, reddish. Man 3: My wife is blonde, brownish but blonde. Alex: Well sometimes the blood makes it look darker like that, red. I know you can't tell from the photo but her eyes their pretty distinctive. Man 3: Casey's eyes are very distinctive. Alex: Brown but not that really dark, dark brown but golden and really warm. Man 3: It's not her. Casey's are blue, very, very blue. Alex: I'm sorry. Man 3: I thought you said you...had two pregnant women. Alex: Yeah, we um...the other one is um...she's... Man 3: Oh, god...oh no...Casey. Oh, Casey. (Alex sees the loss around the room) (The ambulance with Derek and Meredith arrive and Bailey is in the ambulance bay to get it) Bailey: What do we got? Paramedic: Jane Doe, hypothermic, drowning. Derek: She's not Jane Doe, it's Meredith Grey. It's Meredith. Bailey: Derek! Derek, Derek, how long she been down? Derek: I don't know. She's alive, she's alive. Bailey: Derek! Derek: She's alive. Bailey: Ok, look. I need you to help me get her inside. (Loudly) Clear a trauma bay, stat! Move it! (Burke walks up to Cristina who is in the ER still doing sutures) Cristina: How was your surgery Dr. Burke? Burke: Well, the patient is out of the woods now, Dr. Yang. Thanks for asking. (Cristina yanks the stitch she is doing) Patient: Ow! Cristina: You're numbed. Patient: Whatever. It looked harsh. Cristina: (To Nurse) Here, finish this please. (Cristina walks into an empty room and Burke follows her) Burke: What is your problem? Cristina: You know, everyone's back. Everyone's back except here. And I listened to her, everyday about her McLove life and McDreamy and McCrap. And on the one day, the one day I have a thing...she's disappears. Burke: Meredith? This is about Meredith. Cristina: She doesn't know yet. Burke: Meredith? Cristina: She's my person! Burke: Right. And if Meredith doesn't approve, then what? Cristina: No, no, no. This is not about getting her approval. It's about... Burke: What? Cristina: Telling her...makes it...makes it...if I murdered someone, she's the person I'd call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor. Burke: Ok, see now, you're likening someone here to a corpse. I'm done. Cristina: She's my person. (Burke leaves and Cristina's pager goes off) (Rick's OR) Doctor: Removing the bone flap. Izzie: Ready with suction. Mark: Looking good. Izzie: Yes, yes it is. (Izzie's pager goes off) Nurse: Dr. Stevens, it's your pager. Izzie: That's ok. It can wait. Nurse: I think you wanna take this page. (Alex is looking in on Jane Doe, Addison is in the room) Alex: How's she doing? Addison: She's holding steady for now. Anybody claim her yet? Alex: No, she's still a Jane Doe. I'd notice. Addison: What? Alex: If you went missing, I'd notice. (Alex goes to leave and his pager goes off) (George is sitting on the steps near the OR board looking at Chris' picture. He stands up and looks at the board noticing there is a seven year old boy in surgery) (Callie's OR) Callie: All right, I need a little more suction here, please. (George enters) George: Callie? Callie: O'Malley, I'm working. What do you want? George: I read on the board you're doing an internal fixation of the lumber spine on a John Doe from the ferry crash, age 7. Callie: That's right. George: Can I see his face? Callie: I'm in the middle of surgery. George: I know. (He walks over and holds a picture up) George: Is this boy you're patient? (Callie scoffs) I know the pictures half smeared and hard to see. Please tell me it's him, tell me he's been right here under my nose, open on your table all day and not drifting along the bottom of the ocean. Please tell me that. Callie: Hold the picture under my light so I can get a better look. Oh yeah, oh yeah. I could spot those goofy ears anywhere. George: Really? Callie: Really. George: Callie O'Malley, I can't kiss you right now cause you're scrubbed in but tonight when you get home, I am going to... Callie: All right, ok, all right. People lets focus here, George I'm working. George: Yeah. Callie: I'm...I'm working. George: Ok. Callie: So, yeah. Bye. (George's pager goes off and he leaves) (Lisa is standing in the clinic alone when a lady rushes up to her) Lady: Oh my god! Oh my god! You're safe, you're safe! Oh honey, mommy's so sorry she got lost. Lisa! (Meredith's trauma room) Derek: They put a 20 gauge IV in but I think it blew. Bailey: I'll start a central line but you have to get out of the way. Derek: We put 3 milligrams of epi down the ET tube... Bailey: Derek! Derek: ...this was three minutes ago we should push... (Richard enters) Richard: Shepherd, get out! Derek: I think we should push just one atropine...I think I saw some reactivity in the pupils before the atropine and I think...she might have actually had some cardiac... Richard: Shepherd, get out! Derek: We need to put an external pacer on just to be sure. Richard: We need to save her life. You can't do this, we need to do this. Now go! Go. (Derek goes in the hall) Bailey: Ok, she has a new 18 gauge in her left AC push 1 of epi through it. (Burke walks into the hall and peeks in Meredith's room. Derek is sitting in the hall looking devastated and lost) Burke: The chief is working on her, man. Derek: He threw me out. Burke: What do you need? Derek: I need you to go in there. (Burke enters the room) Richard: Give me a new warm blanket her temps still only at 80 degrees. Burke: What can I do? Richard: She needs an ABG. (Monitors start beeping) Richard: Whoa, was that V-fib. Charge to 300. Lets go, lets go, lets go. Clear. (Addison enters) Richard: Back to asystole. Keep compressions going. Addison: Oh, my god. Burke: She's hypothermic. Addison: Uh, have you tried a warm peritoneal lavage? Or even, a continuous bladder lavage with warm fluids? Could do a thoracotomy. Richard: Get back to the ABG. Come on, lets go people. (Derek is sitting in the hall, Mark walks up and looks down at him. Derek nods and Mark sits down next to him. Mark puts his hand on Derek's arm) (Meredith's room. She is still blue) Bailey: How's her temp? Richard: Only up to 81 now. Addison: Come on, Meredith. Don't do this. (A nurse leaves the room and Addison glances out the door to see Mark and Derek sitting in the hall) (Izzie, Alex and George are standing on the other side of a door, looking down the hall at Derek. Cristina walks up) Cristina: It's Meredith? Alex: Yeah. Cristina: Are you sure? Did you see her? Because it could be... (Alex grabs her arm) Alex: It's Meredith. Cristina: Oh. Oh. Oh. Izzie: She will come through this. George: You don't know that. Izzie: She will come through this. George: People die. Izzie: I know people die. People die in front of us everyday. But I believe Meredith will survive this. I believe...I believe...I...I believe in the good. I believe that it's been a hell of year and in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary we will all be ok. I believe a lot of things. I believe that...I believe that Denny is always with me. And I believe that if I eat a tub of butter and no one sees me the calories don't count. And I believe that surgeons who prefer staples over stitches are just lazy. And I believe that you are a man who made a terrible mistake marrying Callie. And I believe that because I am your best friend I can tell you this and we will be ok. I believe even though you made this mistake you will be ok. I believe we survive, George. I believe that believing we survive is what makes us survive. (She's hugs Cristina) Izzie: She's gonna be ok. (Meredith's room) Richard: Push another epi. How many is that? Bailey: This is our fourth room, sir. Burke: We've been here 20 minutes. Addison: Still in asystole. Richard: We're losing her. (Meredith flatlines) (Meredith appears to wake up, coughing and sputtering. She sits up and next to her is Dylan) Dylan: Hi. Meredith: Hey. Am I...? Dead? (She turns her head and there is Denny) Denny: Damn right you are. Meredith: Holy...

Meredith struggles to stay afloat and eventually begins drowning, but nobody is around to notice. Derek finds her coat on a man she had helped, and starts looking for her and, much to his shock, the little girl Meredith took care of indicates that she is in the water. Derek saves her, but she is almost dead, due to hypothermia. The little girl gets reunited with her mother. Izzie has to perform brain surgery on a man stuck between cars, as he begins to experience seizures. She drills holes into his head, to relieve the pressure on his skull and ultimately saves his life before he is rescued and transferred to Seattle Grace Hospital; this leads to Webber allowing her back into surgeries. George lies to the woman whose son he had been looking for, in order to get her to surgery, and eventually finds Callie operating on the son. Alex is unsuccessful in searching for the pregnant Jane Doe's family as she undergoes surgery, and at the same time he also has to deal with the families of the victims. The interns find out about Meredith's situation and express their hopelessness. She wakes up in what appears to be limbo and meets her deceased acquaintances.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_06x07

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_06x07_0

FLASH IN. [EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- DAY] (Sirens wail in the distance.) [EXT. LAS VEGAS STREET - DAY] (A black Caprice zooms down the street. Two officer cars are pursuing it, their sirens blaring.) (The black car crosses an intersection, nearly hitting a white car crossing it at the same time. The white car's horn blares.) (The black car turns the corner. The officer cars continue their pursuit, sirens blaring. The intermittent sounds of automatic guns firing are heard during the chase.) (In one of the cars, Brass is driving; Sofia sits in the passenger seat.) Sofia Curtis: These guys are hard core. Who are they? (The car chase continues.) (In the second car are two officers. The older officer, Sergeant Adams, is driving; the younger officer in the passenger seat is Officer Bell.) Officer Adams: Tell Control these guys have automatic weapons! Probably A-Ks! (Officer Bell doesn't respond. He's just amazed by the car chase.) Officer Adams: (shouts) You with me! (Officer Bell shakes himself out of it and makes the call. Gun shots are fired from the black car in front of them. The windshield from one of the cars smashes from the impact of the bullets.) Officer Bell: (to radio) Three-David-34, be advised subjects are firing automatic weapons, possibly AK-47s. (In the third car are Officer Davis and Sergeant Carroll.) Officer Davis: (to radio) All right, we're coming up on a T-intersection. Get ready. Sgt. Carroll: Three-boy-seven, pursuit approaching a t-intersection on Jefferson and Third. (Gunfire continues from the black car in front.) (Car 2's windshield is hit; glass shatters in the car.) Officer Bell: We're going to get killed! Officer Adams: Not if you do what you're supposed to do. (Gunfire continues.) (The black car hits the side and flips over.) (Car 2 stops. Both officers get out.) Officer Bell: (to radio) Three-David-34, suspect Caprice has T/C'd. Intersection Jefferson and Third. Officer Adams: When you get out, keep your head down. (The two officers open their doors and use it as shield as they prepare for more gunfire.) (The occupants of the black Caprice crawl out of the overturned car. They're both carrying handguns and open fire immediately.) (Behind them, a second officer car arrives. Officers Davis and Carroll immediately open their doors and use it as shields and return fire.) (The gunmen from the car crawl out and fire to get to cover behind the overturned Caprice.) (It's complete chaos as gunfire is fired from both sides. Bullets are everywhere - sides of cars, windows, tires - richoceting off metal bins.) (Brass and Sofia's car arrives. Sofia gets out of the car and starts firing.) (Gunfire continues between the cops and the gunmen.) (Brass gets out of his car and starts firing from behind the car door.) (A bullet hits one of the officer car's tires and flattens.) (A gunman in the blank tank top, Salvator "Stuckey" Rosario, stops to change cartridge.) (Gunfire continues.) (Salvator Rosario puts his gun aside. He intends to run for it.) Salvator Rosario: Guys! Go! Go! (Rosario uses the automatic weapon and fires at the officers.) (He tosses the rifle aside when he runs out of bullets.) Officer Adams: They're out of rifle ammo! (Rosario takes out a handgun. An officer sees him and shouts out a warning.) Officer: (o.s.) No! Get down! They've got more! (Rosario fires.) (Brass returns fire.) (We hear the pinging of bullets off metal.) (Officer Bell stands up to fire and is hit with a bullet square in his chest. He falls backward and hits the ground. We see he's bleeding from his neck) (Salvator Rosario stands up to run. Leandro Chavez follows. A shot is fired and he is shot in the thigh. He falls to the ground.) (Salvator Rosario takes off running up a resident's front drive.) Officer: They're running. I'm going left. You go right. Going to take these guys. You guys, move on up. (Brass moves forward to provide cover as Officer Adams checks on Officer Bell. The other officers scramble to chase after the running gunmen.) Officer: (to radio) Three-boy-seven in foot pursuit of two male Latinos. One east, one west on Third Street. Requesting backup. (Officers chase after the gunman. Salvator Rosario jumps over a wall.) (Officer Adams calls for assistance.) Officer Adams: Three- David-34, officer down. Requesting immediate backup and paramedics. (to Sofia) I'll take care of it. I'll stay with him. (Brass and Sofia both leave to help pursue the gunmen.) (Additional backup arrives.) (Sofia runs up to Leandro Chavez, who was shot. She stands over him, her gun on him. She kicks his gun out of his reach.) (A neighbor steps out into his yard and looks over at Brass.) Neighbor: Que paso? Brass: Nada. Haciente. Adentro, adentro. (A second officer approaches Sofia.) Sofia: Cuff him. (The officer takes out his handcuffs to cuff the man in the white tank. Sofia turns and starts running to help catch the other gunman.) Leandro Chavez: Dame una ambulancia, puey. Officer: I don't speak Spanish. (Sofia runs to help Officer Davis as they head to the west of the alley behind Third.) (Brass rushes alongside the building to the east of the alley behind Third, his gun in hand. He reaches the back of the building.) (He hears a noise and whirls around. He sees a woman open the door and step outside. He motions for her to get back inside.) Brass: (to the woman) Back inside, back inside. (In the distance, gunshots are fired. Brass makes his way toward the sound.) VARIOUS FLASHES OF: (Officer Davis and the gunman exchanging gunfire as the gunman tries to escape down the alley.) (Officer Davis runs out of bullets, his gun clicking.) (Salvator Rosario turns around and steps closer to the officer to fire. Sofia turns the corner and sees the gunman. She fires several shots, hitting the gunman in the shoulder.) (Salvator Rosario goes down.) (They both approach the gunman.) Sofia Curtis: You okay? Officer Davis: Yeah. You? Sofia Curtis: Yeah. (Officer Davis reaches the gunman first. He picks up the gun.) Sofia Curtis: What are you doing? Put it down. (He puts the gun back down on the ground.) Officer Davis: Yeah, sorry. I was just trying to secure his gun. Sofia Curtis: He's not going to use it anymore. (Meanwhile, the third gunman, Ricardo Estevez, is near the top of a fence when Officer Carroll turns the corner and stops him.) Officer Carroll: Stop! Police! Stop! Police! (Ricardo Estevez jumps back down to the ground, his hands raised high above his head.) Officer Carroll: Don't move! Don't move! (Officer Carroll hears a sound behind him and turns to look. Brass rounds the corner, his gun raised.) (Ricardo Estevez suddenly finds himself with a gun in his hands.) (Someone fires and hits Ricardo Estevez several times in the chest.) (Officer Carroll steps forward. Brass kicks the gun off to the side.) (Brass takes out his radio.) Sofia: (from radio) Brass, suspect's in custody. Brass: (to radio) Copy. Control, this is Brass. Situation here is code 4. We have three suspects in custody. One is on the run. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STREET (MAIN CRIME SCENE) -- JEFFERSON AND THIRD - DAY] (The ambulance pulls away. Grissom and Catherine approach the scene.) Catherine: You know it's going to be a long shift when you get the call to respond to a command post. Grissom: Yeah. (to phone) Warrick ... we need everyone from grave. But park on Wall Street. Jefferson's taped off all the way back to Lincoln. Vartann: The suspect was last seen running south. Officer: These buildings have been searched and cleared. Vartann: Okay, move south one block. Check each apartment. This guy's armed and dangerous. Cavaliere: You got a lot of witnesses claiming to have seen what happened. Vartann: Okay, good. Let's get some vans down here, bring them all to the station. (They walk over to Sofia and Brass leaning up against the SWAT van.) Catherine: What happened out here? Brass: I was one of the shooters. So was Sofia, so you know the deal. That's really all I'm allowed to say. (Brass notices Detective Nestor Ortega standing nearby.) Brass: I see, uh, Detective Ortega, that hard-head from IA, is handling the case. Just our luck. (Vartann joins them.) Vartann: Caprice full of shooters opened up on two of our guys. One's down. Grissom: Is Bell going to make it? Vartann: (shakes his head) He's DOA. Three suspects are dead. Fourth outstanding. Nestor Ortega: (interrupts) Excuse me ... guys, hang tight. I'm going to get some rides. Take you down to the station, okay? I want to get your statements. Brass: Yeah ... yeah. Nestor Ortega: Good, good. Excuse me. (Ortega leaves.) Catherine: (quietly to Grissom) I'll stay with them. I'll collect their firearms and ammo. Grissom: All right. (to Brass) Good luck. Brass: Thank you. (Grissom walks past Brass and Sofia. He walks past an officer standing nearby.) Officer: (under his breath) Hell of a day, man. Grissom: It's just beginning. FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STREET -- DAY] (Detective Chris Cavaliere rushes down the street with the gun in his hand in pursuit of the final gunman. He turns the corner and sees the body on the street. The other officers rush forward.) Officer: GSW victim matches the suspect. Chris Cavaliere: You shoot him? Officer: No, sir. Found him this way. (Detective Cavaliere notices the bike strap still around the kid's ankle.) Chris Cavaliere: Bike strap ... this isn't our suspect. This is a kid on his way to school. Where's his bike? Officer: There was no bike. Chris Cavaliere: Put out a broadcast. Suspect may be on a bicycle. (to radio) We need medical transport. Code three ... [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STREET (MAIN CRIME SCENE) -- JEFFERSON AND THIRD - DAY] (Grissom hands out instructions.) Grissom: Okay, everybody around here has got a video camera or a cell phone camera. They'll all be taking pictures. Warrick: I think we all know how to operate in front of a camera. Nick: Don't be caught picking your nose. Grissom: Catherine's back at the station collecting the officers' guns. This is the main crime scene. So Nick, you and Sara take this. There's two additional crime scenes down the alleys behind Third. Warrick, you take the west alley, I'll take the east. Greg: And what do I get to do? Go back to the lab and wait for a phone call? Grissom: This is a running gun battle that started twenty blocks back. You get that. Greg: That's got to be, like, a mile? Who's with me? Sara: A bunch of pissed-off locals with shot-up cars. (Sara picks up her kit.) Greg: Awesome. Warrick: You'll be all right. (They all pick up their kits and head in the direction of their assignments.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ALLEY BEHIND THIRD (EAST) - DAY] (Grissom arrives at the alley and puts his kit down. David Phillips is already there with the body. The coroner and an officer stand nearby.) (Grissom puts evidence marker #12 down next to the bullet casing and snaps a photo.) David Phillips: Grissom? (Grissom picks up his kit and moves to the next casing.) David Phillips: Heard anything about Bell? Grissom: He died, David. (Grissom puts his kit down and puts evidence marker #13 next to the gun.) Grissom: (to the officer) Is this gun in its original position? Officer: The arresting officers kicked it clear of the suspect. (Quick flashback to: Ricardo Estevez and standing in front of the fence is holding a gun in his hand. He's shot several times and drops the gun. Brass kicks the gun aside.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Officer: Nobody's touched it since I've been here. (Grissom snaps a couple of photos.) David Phillips: Well, there's no bullet holes in the back. That's always good. Grissom: How many times was he hit? David Phillips: I don't know. Officer, can you remove these handcuffs? Officer: Sure. (The officer steps forward to remove the handcuffs. Grissom picks up the gun and looks at it. He removes the gun's cartridge.) Officer: (to David Phillips) You have anything I can wipe these off with? David Phillips: Yeah. (David hands the officer something.) Officer: Thanks. (The officer stands up and walks over to the side. Grissom gets up and walks over to David Phillips, who is rolling the body over.) David Phillips: Looks like three went in. Grissom: All right, leave him here, David. Warrick's DB's in the other alley just over there. (Grissom looks up and sees a couple of people peering through their second floor window from a building nearby.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Sofia sits in the hallway chair, nervously wringing her hands together. Brass enters at the end of the hallway and sees her. He walks over to her.) (Undersheriff McKeen intercepts Brass.) Undersheriff McKeen: You did a hell of good job out there. Brass: Yeah, not good enough. Has Bell's wife been notified? Undersheriff McKeen: The sheriff's on his way to the house now. Brass: You know, she's pregnant with their third kid. Undersheriff McKeen: We all know the risks. (Undersheriff McKeen leaves. Brass walks over to Sofia.) Brass: Hey ... (He sits down next to her and sighs.) Brass: (softly) I remember my first shooting ... Sofia Curtis: (interrupts) I appreciate the sentiment. We're not supposed to talk to each other till we give our statements. Brass: You're right, you're right. (An officer walking down the hall points to Brass.) Officer: You're up. Curtis, make yourself comfortable. Brass: Okay. (Brass stands up.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Detective Ortega turns the tape recorder on and puts it in the middle of the table. Catherine is in the room as they interview Brass.) Nestor Ortega: This is Detective Nestor Ortega. I am in PD interrogation taking a statement from Captain James Brass regarding the officer-involved shooting that occurred around 0643 hours this morning. CSI Catherine Willows is present to document and collect Captain Brass's firearm as evidence. (Brass puts his gun on the table. Detective Ortega pushes the tape recorder forward.) Nestor Ortega: Ready? Brass: Yeah. Nestor Ortega: You're not a patrol unit. Why did you get involved in the pursuit? Brass: Detective Curtis and I were just closing a robbery case and, uh, we stopped for a bite to eat. (Quick flashback to: [HOT DOG VENDOR - DAY] Sofia and Brass are getting their hot dogs when they hear the dispatch on the radio.) Dispatcher: ... All units in the vicinity. Three- David-34 is in pursuit of a dark Chevy Caprice southbound of Paradise toward Desert Springs. (Brass looks around.) Brass: That's right near here. (They run to their car and get in.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: We joined the pursuit on Desert Springs. Nestor Ortega: So you elected to back up the officers. Brass: Yes. Nestor Ortega: Were the suspects shooting at the time? Brass: Yes. Catherine: Could you tell the types of firearms they were using? (Quick flashback to: [THE CAR CHASE] Gunfire erupts from the dark Caprice in front of them. End of flashback.) Brass: Well, the two guys in the back had rifles, maybe AK's. The other two had handguns. I'm not sure what type. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- DAY] (A news helicopter flies overhead.) Reporter: (V.O.) We're flying over Third Street where just this morning police were involved in a deadly shootout. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STREET (MAIN CRIME SCENE) -- JEFFERSON AND THIRD - DAY] (Sara and Nick are putting plastic rods in the bullet holes of one of the police cars, C9538.) Nick: Looks like a porcupine. Sara: There's not enough room between rods for a human being to fit. Nick: No, Bell and Adams must have really been swerving and weaving. (Quick flashback of: [THE CAR CHASE] The officer car is weaving left to right as it chases the dark Caprice. End of flashback.) Sara: Seventy-eight bullet holes. (She looks down at the bloodstain on the road.) Sara: And Bell wasn't hit until he was outside the car. Nick: I heard Bell was a rookie, barely off training. It was just his time, I guess, huh? (Nearby, the coroner walks past Vartann.) Coroner: Suspect will be getting a ride with the coroner. Vartann: A little street justice. Civilians okay? Coroner: Some old lady's going to need stitches. The kid on the bike's critical in surgery. (The coroner leaves. Vartann looks at Sara and Nick.) Vartann: You guys okay here? Nick: I'll call and have the suspect's vehicle towed to CSI. Sara: I'm going to start digging bullets out of people's houses. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Brass continues.) Brass: I was just reloading and continuing firing. I don't know what hit him. (Quick flashback to: [SHOOTOUT] Brass is firing. He shoots and hits Leandro Chavez in the thigh. Leandro Chavez goes down, his gun on the ground. End of flashback.) Brass: Bullets were flying. There were multiple rounds. It was chaos. Nestor Ortega: At what point did Carroll and Davis go in foot pursuit after the two suspects? Brass: After the driver went down, the other suspect, I guess he felt it was getting too hot back there. (Quick flashback to: Salvator Rosario yells for the others to go. End of flashback.) Catherine: And they were shooting the entire time? Brass: Oh, yeah. I mean, it was like, you know, those movie guns; they never run out of bullets. Nestor Ortega: I don't go to the movies. Brass: Oh. Nestor Ortega: What happened next? Brass: The next thing I remember ... the next thing I remember is Bell. Bell went down. (Quick flashback to: Officer Bell is hit in the neck and falls backward. He hits the ground. End of flashback.) Brass: He was ... he was just a kid. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- DAY] (A news helicopter flies overhead.) [EXT. STREET (MAIN CRIME SCENE) -- JEFFERSON AND THIRD - DAY] (A loud crowd of neighborhood residents shout angrily from the crime scene tape.) Man In Crowd: (shouts) (in Spanish) (Nick turns around.) Nick: Are they saying what I think they're saying? (He repeats the phrase to Detective Cavaliere in Spanish.) Chris Cavaliere: Yeah. They claim this other cop shoots the suspect in the back. And not to mention there's a news leak in the hospital. Man: See! Another one got killed! Where's ... Chris Cavaliere: Hey! Let us do your job here, okay? Woman: Mi hija vio a sus policias disparle a un nino en la espalda. Nick: Senora, donde esta su hija, huh? Queremos hablar con ella. Woman: La policia se la llevo. Nick: Usted vio algo de lo que paso? No? (to Cavaliere) Nobody saw anything. (looking at the automatic weapon he's holding) I don't think this is police issue. Chris Cavaliere: Look, these folks were suspicious of the cops long before this happened. Now this is how your circle stories get started. (Nick checks the automatic weapon.) Nick: The story keeps changing till you don't know what the truth is or whose story it was to begin with. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Brass continues.) Brass: So, uh, so the suspects saw that we were kind of distracted helping Bell, and they took the opportunity. I went on foot pursuit, you know. They, uh ... I can't run as fast as I used to, I mean, so I lost them. But that's when I heard the two shots. I think ... No, I heard shots coming from ... the east. Nestor Garcia: How many? Brass: Three. (Quick flashback to: Brass is in the alley. He hears four gunshots, turns and heads in that direction.) Officer: (o.s.) Get down! (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: Four. And they sound a lot louder than a nine-millimeter. (Quick flashback to: [EXT. ALLEY BEHIND THIRD (EAST) - DAY] Brass enters the alley. Officer Carroll has his back to the suspect, Ricardo Estevez, who suddenly has a gun in his hands. Four shots ring out. End of flashback.) Catherine: The suspect had a gun in his hand. Brass: Oh, yeah, definitely. I kicked it away when I cuffed him. Catherine: Did you fire any shots in the alley? Brass: I didn't have to. Nestor Ortega: Captain, hand over your firearm to CSI Willows. (Brass takes the gun out of his holster and gives it to Catherine. She checks the gun.) Catherine: Any magazines? (Brass looks at his empty holster.) Brass: Uh ... I must have used them.. (One bullet pops out of the chamber.) Catherine: Captain Brass's service pistol was received with an empty magazine and one live round in the chamber. Brass: Well ... Nestor Ortega: It'd be smart to have ammo before you go running into a gunfight. (Brass shakes his head and wisely stays quiet.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ALLEY BEHIND THIRD (EAST) - DAY] (Grissom holds up the bagged gun and shows it to Vartann.) Grissom: I didn't find any cartridge casings in this alley from the dead guy's gun. Just these three nine-millimeters from our cop. (Quick flashback to: Officer Carroll fires three times. Ricardo Estevez is hit and falls back against the wire mesh fence. End of flashback.) Vartann: So he must have been out of ammo. Grissom: Yeah, but he had to know that he'd get shot holding a gun whether it was loaded or not. Why didn't he just toss it? Vartann: Maybe he didn't know he was out. Heat of the battle. I mean, we're not talking rocket scientists. Grissom: That doesn't make him suicidal, though, does it? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY / FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (David Phillips and Robbins push the gurney with the dead body into the forensic autopsy room. Robbins looks up and sees Sergeant Adams walking toward them.) Robbins: Sergeant Adams, I'm sorry for your loss. If you'd like a few minutes to say good-bye ... (Sergeant Adams walks past Robbins and goes into the forensic autopsy room. David Phillips walks out.) (Adams stops in front of the table with the body on it. He looks up at David Phillips and Robbins. They leave him and walk out of view.) Sgt. Adams: Okay, partner ... I guess I was pretty rough on you. Maybe not rough enough. You're the best rookie I ever trained. I have to leave you now. I'll, uh, I'll talk to Tracy. Try to make her understand. Drop in on the kids. You were a good cop. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HOSPITAL - HALLWAY OUTSIDE CCU] (Chris Cavaliere and Undersheriff McKeen stand outside the windows in the hallway looking in on the teenager inside.) Chris Cavaliere: Geraldo Zamesca. High school football star. Full scholarship to USC. Got a bullet lodged in his spine. Condition's critical. Undersheriff McKeen: Can we get the bullet? Chris Cavaliere: Not unless his condition improves or he dies. SWAT guys going house-to-house breaking down doors. They're the ones who found him. They were going to blame us for this, too. Undersheriff McKeen: CSI's processed the scene? Chris Cavaliere: Not much to process. Some blood stains off the ground nine-millimeter cartridge case. Undersheriff McKeen: Cops are shooting nines. Guilty until proven innocent. (Off to the side, we hear Geraldo's parents.) Danilo Zamesca: (to the doctor) This is my wife, Geraldo's mother. We want nothing but the best for our son. That means we will decide if you go in and get the bullet, not the police. (Danilo Zamesca looks at McKeen and Cavaliere.) Danilo Zamesca: You got that? (The Zamescas enter the room. McKeen glances back at Cavaliere.) Undersheriff McKeen: Kid's family? Chris Cavaliere: (nods) Yeah. Danilo Zamesca, a local business man that lives in the 'hood, but dines uptown. (McKeen closes his eyes and shakes his head.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD BUILDING (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. TORRES' APARTMENT -- DAY] (Sara is inside a second floor apartment of a building near the shooting. She snaps some photos of the window.) (Mrs. Torres is upset. She has her two young children - a boy and April -- in front of her.) Mrs. Torres: Perro porque la policia le disparo aqui nuestra casa? Nosotros no hicimos nada. Porque la policia nos disparo? Sara: I-I'm sorry. I don't speak Spanish. (Sara walks past her as she tries to work.) Mrs. Torres: Que... no entiende, que ... nos hubiera matado. Die algo para que ella entienda. April Torres: She wants to know why our house got shot at. (Sara turns around and looks at April.) Sara: I don't have the answer to that. I'm sorry. Mrs. Torres: Que? Es que usted no me puede decir nada? No vio lo que hicieron? Que si fueran mis hijos? Que voy hacer sin mis hijos? (She kneels down in front of her children, scared for them, and she cries. April turns and looks at Sara.) (Sara finds something embedded in the wax candle on the shelf.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB -- DAY] (Hodges scrapes the side of the gun handle and puts it in a bindle as Bobby Dawson watches.) Bobby Dawson: So, what do you think that is? Hodges: Well, it's not blood, it's not rust. Bobby Dawson: Where did Grissom find that? Hodges: In an alley off Third. Bobby Dawson: 'Cause see, those scrapes and gauges look like road rash. Like when you toss a gun out of a moving car. (Quick flash of: As a car passes by, tires screeching, a gun is tossed out of the moving car's window. End of flash.) Hodges: You'd be the one to know about rashes. (Hodges turns and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY] (Nick dusts the car passenger door for prints.) (Dissolve to: Nick dusts the glove compartment for prints.) (Dissolve to: Nick dusts the dashboard for prints. He finds some prints on the dashboard.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ALLEY BEHIND THIRD (WEST) - DAY] (The coroner and David Phillips wheel out a body on the gurney. As they head for the coroner's van, a woman and a man scream loudly from the crime scene tape.) "STUCKEY" ROSARIO'S BROTHER: That's my brother, man! What'd he do?! Mrs. Rosario: My baby! (Mrs. Rosario ducks under the tape and runs toward the gurney. Warrick is standing at the back of the open SUV when he hears the woman. He turns around.) Mrs. Rosario: (distraught) My baby! You killed my son! My baby! You cops murdered my son! Warrick: Miss ... Mrs. Rosario: You murdered my son! Warrick: Calm down, okay? I'm sorry for your loss. I'm with the Crime Lab. Talk to one of the detectives. Miss ... (Mrs. Rosario starts hitting Warrick.) Mrs. Rosario: I don't need to! (Warrick grabs the woman's hands to stop her. She turns around and shouts to the crowd behind the tape.) Mrs. Rosario: Look, police brutality! He's hitting me! (Her son, standing behind the tape, ducks under the tape and runs toward them.) Warrick: Can I get some backup here, please? (Mrs. Rosario continues screaming.) ("Stuckey's" brother reaches Warrick and punches him in the face. The officers rush to assist and grab the man.) Officer: You're under arrest. (The officers grab Mrs. Rorasio and her son and move them back toward the tape. The woman glares at Warrick.) Mrs. Rosario: Now you want my other son, huh? Is that what you want? Warrick: I just want to do my job here. Mrs. Rosario: What, lie for the Police Department? (Warrick checks his jaw.) Warrick: (to the officer) Can we lock this place up and move that crime tape down another block? Officer: (to radio) Officer Mitchell, come into the west alley. Bring two uniforms with you. Voice: (from radio) That's affirmative. Officer: (to Warrick) These people think if they catch us doing something wrong, they sue and win the lottery. Warrick: Yeah. We don't do anything wrong, we got nothing to worry about. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [TV MONITOR] (On the television monitor, Danilo Zamesca gives a press conference.) Danilo Zamesca: (from tv) My son should be in school today. He should be playing football. INTERCUT WITH: [EXT. STREET CORNER - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (The press conference is taking place out on a street corner outside a building.) Danilo Zamesca: Instead, he's lying in a hospital bed. Why? Because the cops decided to shoot first and ask questions later. [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (David Phillips takes fingerprints off one of the gunmen.) Danilo Zamesca: (V.O.) Anybody remember the last time the police had a running gun battle down the strip? No? That's 'cause it's never happened. [EXT. STREET CORNER - DAY - CONTINUOUS] Danilo Zamesca: Summerlin? Never. Seven Hills? No way. But down here, hey ... [INT. HOSPITAL GERALDO'S ROOM - DAY] (Mrs. Zamesca cries as she sits next to Geraldo's bed.) Danilo Zamesca: (V.O.) My son, Geraldo, was a good boy. He was a great football player. Fearless out there. He had a chance to do something with his life. [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB - DAY] (Nick runs the prints found in the car through the database.) Danilo Zamesca: (V.O.) To be better than his father. And now ... [EXT. STREET CORNER - DAY - CONTINUOUS] Danilo Zamesca: I may outlive my son. Because the police shot him before he could tell them who he was. [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (David Phillips snaps photos of the gunmen on the tables.) Danilo Zamesca: (V.O.) Before he could tell them he was an honor student. I want to invite everybody here ... [EXT. STREET CORNER - DAY - CONTINUOUS] Danilo Zamesca: ... who cares about what happens in the community to come to Queen of Angels tonight, 6:00 P.M., ... [INT. CSI - PRINT LAB - DAY] (The computer beeps. Nick finds a match to the print in the car.) Danilo Zamesca: (V.O.) ... to pray for Geraldo's life. (The information on the computer shows: NAME: JOSE FAUSTO DOB: SEPTEMBER 28, 1974 AGE: 31 HEIGHT: 5'10" WEIGHT: 150 LBS EYES: BROWN RACE: HISPANIC s*x: MALE HAIR: BROWN WORK HISTORY: DRIVER'S LICENSE #: CRIMINAL HISTORY: NRS 453.337 DRUG TRAFFICKING (MARIJUANA) PROBATION 1 YEAR NRS 453.3385 POSSESSION OF DRUGS (HEROIN) STATE PRISON 1 YEAR NRS 453.336 POSSESSION (NOT FOR SALE) (COCAINE) STATE PRISON 1 YEAR NRS 453.337 DRUG TRAFFICKING (COCAINE) STATE PRISON 2 YEARS ) COMMENTS: KNOWN MEMBER OF THE 18TH STREET CHUCOS GANG.) Danilo Zamesca: (V.O.) And I want to say out loud, right now, to Sheriff Burdick, this will not stand. (Nick nods.) [EXT. STREET CORNER - DAY - CONTINUOUS] Danilo Zamesca: You, sir, will be held to answer. I mean it. I'm not going away. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - WAITING ROOM -- DAY] (The officers watch the report on the monitor.) Reporter: (from tv) A police spokesman confirms that department officials are looking into all allegations of brutality and misconduct. Sheriff Burdick could not be reached for comment. Here's what we know so far ... Officer 1: Nobody gives a crap about a dead officer. Officer 2: I don't see them lighting candles for Bell. Reporter: (from tv) ... This morning with a car chase. The pursuit ended in a shootout at Jefferson and Third Street between heavily armed suspects and police. (Officer Adams turns and leaves the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Catherine and Nestor Ortega question Sofia Curtis.) Catherine: Detective Curtis' service pistol was received with one magazine containing three live rounds and one live round in the chamber. Nestor Ortega: During the gun battle, were you aware of the other officers' positions relative to you? Sofia Curtis: They were in front of me and ... and to my right. No, my left. Nestor Ortega: Did you continue to be aware of their positions after the suspect took off running? (Quick flashback to: [SHOOTOUT] Sofia fires at the gunmen behind the car. She sees Officer Bell in front of her stand up. End of flashback.) Catherine: Uh ... Bell was in front of me ... but he was down behind his car. Nestor Ortega: Do you remember Officer Bell being shot? (Quick flashback to: [SHOOTOUT] The gunman in black behind the car has his gun pointed at the officers in front of him.) Voice: Get down! (Sofia fires.) (Cut to: Officer Bell falls down.) (End of flashback.) Sofia Curtis: Um ... s-sorry, what was the question? Nestor Ortega: I asked if you remember Officer Bell being shot. Catherine: Do you need a moment here? Nestor Ortega: No, no, that's all right. She's going to do just fine. Sofia Curtis: Uh ... make sure you check Bell's vest. I think he took one in the chest. (The door opens and Detective Cavaliere steps inside.) Chris Cavaliere: Detective Ortega, Catherine, can you step out for a moment? (Catherine and Nestor Ortega head for the door. Ortega stops by Sofia and whispers to her.) Nestor Ortega: We're not done. (They leave the room.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Catherine, Detective Nestor Ortega and Detective Chris Cavaliere meet in the hallway.) Catherine: So how are we doing on the suspect that got away? Chris Cavaliere: Jose Fausto. Identified through prints in the car. He's got a long rap sheet. Dogs lost his scent. SWAT guys checked the building -- nothing. Gang unit's beating the bushes. Word on the street is we shot two unarmed men and a high school kid. Catherine: We got ID's of all three dead suspects. Multiple felonies, drugs, immigration violations. They're all members of the 18th Street Chucos. Nestor Ortega: Also driving a stolen car, shooting automatic weapons at a police car. These guys aren't exactly altar boys. Chris Cavaliere: West alley, I got eye-witnesses saw Po-Po plant the gun. East alley, I got an old lady who swears she saw Ricardo Estevez with his hands raised before he was killed. Catherine: These witnesses credible? Chris Cavaliere: I don't know. Nestor Ortega: Listen, if the suspects don't have guns in their hands, we can't shoot them. Catherine: Well, let's not get ahead of the evidence. Chris Cavaliere: Okay, one more thing. The family of Leandro Chavez is suing the department for wrongful death. Claims we delayed treatment. [SCENE_BREAK] [CGI EFX: CLOSE-UP] (From inside the thigh, the knife pierces the skin and cuts through the flesh. End of CGI EFX.) [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (Robbins cuts through Leandro Chavez's thigh. He puts the scalpel down and takes the forceps to remove the bullet.) [CGI EFX: CLOSE-UP] (Inside the thigh, the tweezers reach in. End of CGI EFX.) (Robbins pulls out the bullet.) Robbins: Medium caliber bullet -- transected the femoral artery. David Phillips: Major artery. Fatal wound. (Quick flashback to: [SHOOTOUT] Leandro Chavez is hit in his thigh. End of flashback. Resume to present.) (Robbins points to the body's chest.) Robbins: Take a look. What's missing? (David Phillips checks.) David Phillips: All of the organs seem to be in the right place. Robbins: Look closer. David Phillips: Okay. Kidneys are ... a bit pale. Liver is light tan. Robbins: Right. David Phillips: Not a lot of blood. (Robbins nods.) David Phillips: Dead at the scene. He bled out. Robbins: Bingo. The wound was not immediately fatal. It took a while. David Phillips: This is going to look bad. Robbins: David, it is what it is. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (The interview with Sofia Curtis continues. Nestor Ortega puts a large map of the community down on the table in front of her.) Nestor Ortega: Why did you leave a downed officer? Sofia Curtis: Sergeant Adams told me he had the situation under control. So I went to back up Officer Davis, who ran off in ... this direction. (She points to the map.) I caught up with him here. (Quick flashback of: [BACK ALLEY] Officer Davis fires his weapon at the suspect. His gun locks. End of flashback.) Sofia Curtis: Davis' slide was locked back. He was out of ammo. Catherine: So the suspect had a gun pointed at Officer Davis. Sofia Curtis: Of course. That was why I fired. (Quick flashback of: [BACK ALLEY] The suspect has a gun pointed at Officer Davis. Sofia fires. End of flashback.) Nestor Ortega: 100% sure? Sofia Curtis: Yes. Nestor Ortega: What did you do next? (Quick flashback to: [BACK ALLEY] Officer Davis automatically picks up the gun.) Sofia Curtis: What are you doing? Put it down. (He puts the gun down.) Officer Davis: Yeah, sorry. I was just trying to secure his gun. Sofia Curtis: Okay, he's not going to be using it anymore. (End of flashback.) Sofia Curtis: Officer Davis was acting on survival instinct, not training. It was understandable under the circumstances. Nestor Ortega: I don't think so. (Sofia leans back in her seat. Catherine turns and looks at Ortega.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE] (Brass is sitting at his desk, fiddling with his badge. Sofia appears in the doorway. They both look worn and tired.) Brass: Want a ride? Sofia Curtis: No, I'm just going to go home. Brass: You sure? Sofia Curtis: Yeah. (Sofia leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (Nick tests the trigger pressure of the guns.) (He picks up the second gun, the automatic. He slides the gun chamber and finds it a little difficult. He tries again and pauses as he thinks about it.) [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM] (Sara puts the various top view photos of the community down on the table. She also has photos of the three dead suspects.) (She finishes putting the three photos down and walks around the table to look at a particular photo. Camera pulls back and we see part of the whiteboard with a layout of Third Street with the positions of everyone marked on it.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - DISPATCH - DAY] (Catherine goes over the calls and call order with Dispatch.) Dispatcher (woman): Okay, the first communication I received from three- David-34 was at 06:43:37. Officer Bell: (from recording) This is three- David-34 requesting immediate backup. New suspect vehicle Adam- Robert- Charlie-208, Nevada, dark Chevy Caprice, four suspects. Suspects are armed. Dispatcher (woman): (from recording) Copy, three-David-34. Catherine: What did Bell mean by "new suspect vehicle"? Can you take it back to the last communication before that call? Officer Bell: (from recording) Control, this is three-David-34. We'll be 487, twelve thousand block of Roosevelt on David-Nora-Charlie-130, Buick Regal. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Catherine and Detective Ortega interview Sergeant Adams.) Catherine: A 487 is a traffic stop. You were pulling over a Buick? Sgt. Adams: That's correct. Nestor Ortega: Why'd you leave the Buick and start following the Caprice? Sgt. Adams: Didn't leave the Buick. The Caprice cut in. (Quick flashback to: The dark Caprice cuts in between the officer car and the Buick they're following. End of flashback.) Nestor Ortega: Why'd he do that? Sgt. Adams: Don't know. The next thing I know, we were taking fire. Forgot all about the Buick. Catherine: Did you see where it went? Sgt. Adams: I was kind of busy. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. STREET -- DAY] (Greg is still processing the street, evidence markers litter the roadway. Grissom walks up to him.) Grissom: Hey! You done yet? (Greg turns around and stands up.) Greg: Grissom! Am I on overtime? Grissom: Of course. Greg: Did everyone else go home? Grissom: No. No. (Grissom looks down at the road with the bullet casings.) Greg: Well, I finished about ten blocks so far. That's 98 cartridge cases. Let's see, double-L, 86, that's, uh, 38 bullet impacts. Grissom: Good. Pursuit started ten blocks farther down. You're halfway done. Greg: I've got like three or four hours more work left. Can I have some help? Grissom: Everybody's busy. I think you missed one. (Greg sighs and walks away.) (Grissom notices that on the side of the road is a shiny hubcap.) (Quick flashback to: The dark Caprice travels down the road and loses a hubcap. End of flashback.) (Grissom's phone rings; he answers it.) Grissom: Grissom. Catherine: Hey. I just interviewed Sergeant Adams. He and Bell were making a routine traffic stop when the Caprice cut in. (Grissom walks over to the hubcap and notices the Buick logo in the center of it.) Catherine: The initial vehicle was a ... Grissom: (interrupts) A Buick? Catherine: I hate it when you do that. Grissom: Lucky guess. I'll call you back. (Grissom hangs up and makes his way back to Greg.) Greg: How'd you know that hubcap was connected to the case? Grissom: I'm a trained observer, Greg. Greg: No, really. Grissom: How long do you think a perfectly good hubcap like this would sit around out here? There's a freeway on-ramp about two blocks away. Check and see if there's any traffic cams between here and there. Greg: You know, you scare me sometimes. It's kind of freaky. You ever bet on the ponies? Grissom: I prefer poker. Horses are hard to control. (Greg nods.) Make sure you document these skid marks. Greg: (snickers) He said "skid marks." [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB - DAY] (Nick is test firing the guns.) Nick: Oh-ho-ho! Yeah! That's what I'm talking about. Warrick: I got over firing AK's a long time ago. (Warrick looks at the revolver.) Warrick: Hey ... mustache boy, come over here and check this out. (Nick walks over. Warrick opens the gun and shows him the jammed bullet.) Warrick: Get a load of that. Nick: Whoa. What are the chances of that happening? Warrick: Like one in a million. (Quick flashback to: [BACK ALLEY] Officer Davis fires. The bullet leaves his gun and hits Salvator Rosario's gun right as he's about to fire. End of flashback.) Warrick: The bullet jammed this cylinder. You know, I couldn't clear this gun at the scene. I should've noticed these bullet fragments. I guess I got distracted. (Nick goes back to get the bullet he test fired out of the water bin.) Nick: Well, the bullet had to come from Officer Davis's pistol ... but if you're the suspect, don't you know your gun's getting hit? Warrick: I think it would have felt like a normal recoil. Besides, it was like the wild west out there. Nick: You don't have to tell me; I know it was crazy out there. You know, I pulled 78 bullets out of one car. Davis just got lucky. Warrick: This suspect had one live round left. It saved Davis's life. Nick: Well, there you go. Proves he was pointing the gun at the officer. See you in court; stroke one up for the good guys. Warrick: We still have to place it in Rosario's hand. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY - DAY] (Grissom walks out of forensic autopsy and down the hallway. He walks past Salvator "Stuckey" Rosario's mother and brother sitting in the hallway. Mrs. Rosario looks up as he walks by, but Grissom doesn't notice her. Undersheriff McKeen and Tracy Bell walk up to Grissom.) Undersheriff McKeen: This is, uh, Gil Grissom from the Crime Lab. This is Officer Bell's wife. Grissom: Mrs. Bell, I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband -- he was a fine man. (Mrs. Rosario sobs loudly.) Tracy Bell: Why are they crying? Undersheriff McKeen: Um, why don't I drive you home. Tracy Bell: They're crying for the man that killed my husband. Mrs. Rosario: What did you say? Tracy Bell: You heard me. (McKeen leads Mrs. Bell toward the door.) If you did a better job of raising your son, I wouldn't be here. (Mrs. Rosario surges to her feet. Her son holds her back.) Mrs. Rosario: Don't you tell me how to raise my children! Tracy Bell: You should be ashamed! Man: (shouts) (in Spanish) Mrs. Rosario: How dare you! (screams) How dare you! (McKeen leads Tracy Bell out of the hallway.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (Catherine is examining Officer Bell's vest. She finds a bullet hole.) (Quick flashback to: Officer Bell is shot. End of flashback.) (Catherine feels around in the vest and finds the bullet.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY] (Grissom walks in putting on a pair of gloves. Warrick is already inside.) Warrick: You run the gauntlet? Grissom: Yeah. Ferro-tracing his hands? Warrick: Yeah. I'm trying to prove Rosario here held the gun. Grissom: Good old pyridyiphenyl triazine. Warrick: I'm hoping this stuff reacts to the traces of iron that may have been left on his skin. It'll further refute any argument that the gun was a plant. (Warrick sprays the shooter's right hand.) (Quick CGI to: The spray reacts to something on the hand and a black mark appears on his palm. End of CGI.) Grissom: That could be the back strap of a gun. Warrick: Yeah. That would do it. (Warrick snaps a photo of the mark on the hand.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Det. Cavaliere walks through the hallway when he's stopped by an officer.) Officer: Detective, do you have a moment? Chris Cavaliere: Uh, yeah, I'm kind of busy -- what is it? Officer: I picked up a junkie for possession, outside a fleabag motel off Fremont. Chris Cavaliere: And what? Officer: And ... last night, he spotted your shooter. (Cavaliere turns and looks at the handcuffed man sitting on the waiting room chairs.) Chris Cavaliere: Let's talk to him. (He walks up to the junkie and shows him the photo of the suspect, Jose Fausto.) Chris Cavaliere: You know this guy? Junkie: What if I do? What'll it get me? Chris Cavaliere: He's a cop killer. Gets you nothing. Junkie: Hey, no need to get hostile. Chris Cavaliere: Hey, man, you don't know what hostile is. Junkie: Will it at least get me a ride home? Chris Cavaliere: Come on ... Junkie: Okay, okay. I-I do a lot of business at the Lucky Seven Motel. And that guy checked in last night. He scored a little something to help get him some sleep. But he didn't pay. He just flashed his piece. Chris Cavaliere: Nine-millimeter? Junkie: Yeah. He wanted a ... a girl, and I gave him a number. That dude's bad news. I want to give him to you. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY - DAY] (Grissom walks in as Robbins finishes Officer Bell.) Robbins: Glad you're here. I'd like to get this one off my table. Found a rather large contusion the left chest just below the nipple. Grissom: Well, that location is consistent with the bullet Catherine found embedded in his vest. Robbins: It's like getting kicked by a mule. You'll want to see this. Through-and-through. (He sticks a rod through the bullet hole in Officer Bell's neck.) Entrance wound just below his left ear, exited below and to the front of his right ear, severing the right common carotid. (Quick flash to: Officer Bell is shot in the neck. The bullet goes through the flesh, severs the artery and out through the other side. End of flash.) Robbins: That's your COD. Fortunately, he never felt a thing. (Grissom stops as he thinks about it.) Grissom: Left to right, back to front. Robbins: Mm-hmm. Grissom: Only cops were shooting in that direction. Robbins: Are you saying Bell was hit by friendly fire? Grissom: Maybe not so friendly. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT MOTEL - DAY] (The hooker exits the motel room and shuts the door behind her. She leaves the room with money in her hand.) (As she nears the end of the walkway, she's grabbed and pulled off to the side.) Chris Cavaliere: Who's in the room? Hooker: Some john, I don't know. Chris Cavaliere: Shh! (He shows her a photo of Jose Fausto.) Chris Cavaliere: Is that him? Hooker: Mm-hmm. I couldn't wait to get out of there. He was acting real nervous. (She sees SWAT coming up the stairs.) Now I know why. I took care of him; he's asleep. So you're not gonna bust me, right? Vartann: Get her out of here. (The hooker is led down the stairs.) [INT. MOTEL ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (The door bursts open. Jose Fausto is on the bed. He jumps to his feet.) SWAT: Police! Let me see your hands! Do it now! Get on the floor! Down! (Jose Fausto gets down on his knees, his hands behind his head. Vartann cuffs him.) (The SWAT officer checks to see that they have the right man.) SWAT: That's our guy. (Warrick walks into the room. He pockets his gun and picks up the gun on the counter. He checks it.) Warrick: He's carrying a nine. Officer: (o.s.) All clear, sir. (Warrick looks at the bullet from the gun.) Warrick: We'll run this gun against the cartridge case from that poor kid on the bike. (He notices the bike in the room.) Warrick: I'm guessing you didn't save up for that one, huh? (Quick flashback to: Fausto runs out into the street, sees Geraldo on his bike and shoots him twice in the back. End of flashback.) Vartann: You shoot an innocent kid in the back just to take his bike? You piece of crap! Get up! (Vartann pulls Fausto to his feet.) Chris Cavaliere: Hey, you're gonna wish you kept running. They hate cop killers in Vegas, you hear me? Huh? Jose Fausto: Come on, let me get dressed up first, huh? Chris Cavaliere: We got a jumpsuit just your size, don't worry. (They lead him out of the room.) [EXT. MOTEL - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (The officers lead Jose Fausto out of the room and down the stairs. There's a small crowd gathered out front the motel.) Voice: Suspect coming through. (As they lead him to the car, a shot rings out. The bullet hits Fausto square in the chest.) (A woman screams.) Chris Cavaliere: (shouts) Down! Everybody down! Down! (Officers scramble, their guns raised and looking around for the shooter.) Warrick: Where did that come from?

The team must investigate the death of a police officer who died during a shootout, leaving hundreds of bullets at the crime scene. The case grows controversial when it turns out that Sofia Curtis and Jim Brass were with the victim during the shootout, especially when it turns out the officer died from friendly fire. The team, as well as the police department, also contend with the city's enraged Latino community when a young boy is found shot and in critical condition along the path of a fleeing suspect from the shootout.

fd_Justified_03x01

fd_Justified_03x01_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Wynn: This is not what we discussed on the telephone. Raylan: I figure you're good enough that no one can link the hitters from last night to you. Wynn: Thank you. Raylan: Except, of course, for Gary. He seems like a bit of a loose end. I'd leave the country, but that's entirely up to you. Wynn: Are we finished? Raylan: As long as you understand that the next time we have this conversation, there won't be a conversation. Ava: Devil, you want sugar? [ Gasps ] Devil! Dickie: Hello, Ava. Ava: Oh! Dickie: It's the top of the 1st, Raylan. Hey, batter, batter, batter, batter, batter... Boyd: Cut him down. Now, God damn it. Dickie: Wait, Raylan! Come on. Listen to me. You ain't getting to Loretta without me, and you know it. Raylan: Boyd? Boyd: He shot Ava. Raylan: I'm gonna need him for a little bit. Boyd: What, are you asking me... Or are you telling me? Raylan: Makes you feel better, you can tell people I asked. Winona: I want you to leave this alone. I want you to leave it to the authorities. This is not your problem, Raylan. Raylan: I promise you I will be fine. Winona: Okay. Take me to work. And go to Harlan. But I can't promise you I'm gonna be here when you get back. Raylan: I need you and your boys to put your guns down. Doyle: And why would we do that? Raylan: Maybe you don't want to see your brother's brains fly Guys! Cease fire! [ Siren chirps ] Winona: Was I speeding? Winona Hawkins? Winona: Yeah. Ma'am, this is a courtesy stop. Chief deputy Art mullen's been trying to reach you. [ Indistinct talking over P.A. ] Winona: Hi. Art: Hey. Winona: How is he? Art: He's sleeping right now. But he's gonna be all right. The bullet went right through his side, just under the ribs. Didn't hit any vitals. He's a lucky son of a gun. Winona: Look, Art, I, um... Um... Art: End of the hall, Winona. First door on the left. [ Monitor beeping ] [ Gunshots ] [ Shell casings dropping ] Raylan: [ Sighs ] [ Exhales deeply ] [ Whirring ] [ Whirring stops ] [ Sighs ] [ Grunts ] [ Inhales sharply ] I even tried a cross-pull. I don't think I've done that since Glynco. Art: How'd that work for you? Raylan: Won't be doing it again. Art: [ Laughs ] Did you try lefty? Raylan: So I could shoot the side of a barn? Art: All right, we'll try one more week of medical restriction, and then I'll issue you some hand grenades. You're a lucky man, Raylan. Raylan: I got shot, Art. Art: Only thing that saved you was all that body fat you got going on there. Raylan: Starting to feel uncomfortable. Art: Why? We're alone. Crowder's here. Raylan: Didn't wear your suit. Boyd: Boy, you say that as if I've only got the one and not a whole closet full. Raylan: [ Chuckles ] I'm sorry. You didn't wear your black suit. Boyd: Well, I can see by the hitch in your step you're still not 100%. Raylan: Yeah. How's Ava? Boyd: She's moving not so different from you. She's healing. So was I right not to wear my suit? Raylan: Well, we don't have a strict dress code. Boyd: Well, it just occurred to me that Raylan Givens invites me up to Lexington. Chances are I might find myself in front of a judge before the day is out. Raylan: Why? Did you do something you shouldn't have? Boyd: Well, that's a pretty low bar, Raylan. Raylan: [ Laughs ] Nah, trooper Tom Bergen, up there in your world, he says within a day of Mags killing herself, all her marijuana-drying sheds got cleaned out. Boyd: I wasn't aware that marijuana interdiction fell under the marshals' purview. Raylan: He also said that the floorboards in the sheds had been torn up, ceilings pulled down, walls opened up, like someone was looking for something, which does fall under the marshals' purview... Recovering ill-gotten gains. Mags' bank accounts have been seized along with her property, but there's still a sizeable amount of money missing. Boyd: How sizeable, Raylan? Raylan: Well over $10. Boyd: Well, now, if I found that kind of money, I'd be in Mexico by now. Raylan: Boyd, I've been to Mexico. I don't think you'd like it. Boyd: How so? Raylan: There's a lot of Mexicans. Boyd: Raylan, if a book could only be judged by its cover, you'd be a best seller. Raylan: Hmm. Boyd: Are we done? Raylan: Looks like. Sorry for wasting your time. Boyd: Never a waste of time to spend a moment with my good friend Raylan Givens. Tell you what. I'll ask around. See if I can't get a line on that money for you. Raylan: I appreciate it. Boyd: In exchange for an apology. Raylan: I'm sorry. What? Boyd: I want you to apologize. Raylan: For the crack about the Mexicans? Boyd: By the time I got out of Wade Messer's house, Dickie Bennett was tuning you up like it was his birthday and you were his piñata, only I don't think there would have been candy pouring out. Raylan: You're saying you saved my life. Boyd: Are you saying I didn't? Raylan: I would suggest what you're looking for is a "thank you," not an apology. Boyd: Well, now, follow my logic, Raylan. I had my own plans for Dickie on account of his shooting Ava, but you said you needed him, so I let you have him under the condition that you would return him to me once his services had been rendered. Raylan: [ Scoffs ] [ Sighs ] I'm sorry. Did you see a creek out in the lobby? Some pretty green trees and cut-off mountains? Do you think we're in the "har"? I am a deputy U.S. Marshall, Boyd. Boyd: You're a Givens, Raylan. Raylan: And you think I'm gonna hand a man over to you to be murdered like he is, what, some pig I borrowed from you? Boyd: You gave me your word. Raylan: I got half a mind to kick... Boyd: [ Grunts ] Art: R-a-y-l-a-n. [ Grunting in distance ] Recovering from a GSW. That stands for "gun..." Boyd: No resistance here, officer! There's no resistance here! Raylan: Hey, Boyd. Should have wore the suit. Boyd: [ Laughs ] No resistance, officer! I'll see you, Raylan! ♪ On this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul ♪ ♪ God get at your boy ♪ ♪ you try to bogard ♪ ♪ fall back, I go hard ♪ ♪ on this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪ Mm, mm, mm. This is great country. Ooh! [ Laughs ] First time, and I already love it here. The way the pastures roll off into the distance. The horses... I have never seen such beautiful horses. Thank you. Thank you. May I sit? Please. Two coffees. Now, you want a little kick? Mr. Arnett likes a little kick. Oh, yeah, he'll have a little kick. No. He won't. Just black. Thank you. Mm-hmm. Thank you, Yvette. You can go now. [ Sighs ] You're banging her, aren't you? I beg your pardon? And now you've lost her respect. That's hardly your concern. Well, in a way it is. See, she's your public face, and she is not selling the same story as you are. [ Clears throat ] Uh... Who's he? Oh, Mr. Nix is one of my brokers. Could he sit where I could see him? [ Laughs ] That's good. Now, why don't you state your business, enjoy your coffee, and then get the hell out? Detroit is concerned. Look, when you go back to Detroit, you just tell them that the properties that I'm holding are poised to rebound, and when they do, they're gonna be worth twice what I paid for them. Wow. So, what do you think they're worth right now, today? No, I don't really have a current assessment. That's okay. 'Cause I do. You picked a shitty time to get into commercial real estate, and now you're under water. Detroit did not make an investment, Emmitt. It made a loan, which you assured them that you would repay as per the agreement. 250 will bring you current. I could have that in two weeks. Emmitt, you read the business pages. Things are getting...Tough all over. So, if you can't have the money here by tomorrow, I suggest you tell me right now. [ Sighs ] I'll have it tomorrow. That's great. I'll see you tomorrow. Said you were looking for work. Everybody's been wondering what happened to all that Bennett weed. Devil: And you get first crack at it, courtesy of Mr. Boyd Crowder. Just his way of showing his appreciation for a new business partner. Well, let's get to it, then. Arlo: There's more in the tractor shed out back. Lee! Go take a look! A-Ron. Get over here and help me. Arlo: Devil. Devil: Yeah? Arlo: Ava's here. [ Bird squawking ] Devil: Ava. Ava: Devil. Arlo throwing a party? [ Both chuckle ] Devil: No, we, uh, got a buyer for the pot. Rodney Dunham. Ava: "Hot rod" Dunham? Out of Memphis? Devil: Now, we're taking care of this, Ava... me, Arlo, and Johnny. Ava: Yeah? Devil: Yeah. Ava: I don't see Johnny. Devil: Well, he'll turn up. Ava: Yeah? You figure Boyd's locked up, you'll just go into business for yourself. Devil: Ah, it ain't like that. Boyd allowed us how he might sell it. We're just acting on his behalf. Ava: Mm. Arlo: Dunham wants a word. Ava: Tell him to come on out. Arlo: Come on out, Dunham. Devil: I got this, Ava. Ooh! Aah, that smell can really take the wind right out of you. Arlo: Tell me about it. Ava: Mr. Dunham, Ava Crowder. I'm proud to know you, ma'am. Ava: Likewise. I've seen all I need to see. Devil: Oh, yeah? What's your offer? All I got to offer is advice... next time you want to pull a big score like this, don't bag the plants wet. Devil: What, is there a problem? How long's this been sitting here? Arlo: About three weeks. You got mold, you got mildew, you got rats and mice eating on it out in the shed. Devil: Are you saying it's all gone to sh1t? That's not what I'm saying. [ Sighs ] I'm saying you can probably salvage...Two or three grand if you get to cleaning right now. Devil: No, this is 120 kilos of premium weed! Three weeks ago...Maybe. Ava: We were thinking that we might... Devil: I'm talking to the gentleman. Arlo: Let us handle it, Ava. Devil: Now, you as much as told me on the phone that you was gonna take the whole lot. I told you I'd look at it. Devil: No, no, unh-unh, no, no, no, no. Here's how it works. You want to keep buying quality bud, you gonna have to take all this off our hands. Ava: Devil! Devil: Stay out of this! Pull your head out of your ass, son. This is serious weight, and these are dangerous times. Now, you want this to get ugly? It can. Ava: Of course that's not what we want, Mr. Dunham. We appreciate you coming by. You're lucky I was already in Knoxville. If I'd come eight hours from Memphis for this , I'd be obliged to kick somebody's ass! Devil: Mm-hmm. Ava: Understandable, sir. Thank you. Ma'am. [ Vehicle doors open, close ] Ava: [ Sighs ] That go about the way you expected? Arlo: I could use a drink. Devil: Amen to that. Ava: [ Sighs ] Winona: You know you got 21/2 bottles of whiskey on ice and no beer? Raylan: That can happen. Wait. You can't drink any of that sh1t anyway. Winona: Well, I can have one. Raylan: Who says? Winona: My mom. She used to have a couple drinks a night when she was carrying me. She'd put her ashtray, balance it on her great big belly. Raylan: That explains a lot. Winona: [ Chuckles ] How you doing? Raylan: I've been better. Winona: Well, you still look good. Raylan: What do you mean, "still"? Winona: You are not getting any younger, kiddo. Raylan: I'm so glad you're here. Winona: You ready to get back in action? Raylan: Oh, Art said another week of light duty, and that was before the fight. Winona: That's not what I'm talking about. Raylan: [ Moaning, grunting ] Winona: You okay? Did that hurt? Raylan: I'll manage. [ Both moaning and grunting ] Raylan: [ Breathes deeply ] Winona: So, what's going on? Raylan: What are you asking? Winona: I just... it feels like there's something on your mind. Raylan: Do you know about the newborn baby in the delivery room? Calls his daddy over and says, "how do you think that feels?" Winona: Is that what you were thinking about? Raylan: Maybe a little. Winona: You know the baby's the size of a walnut right now, don't you? Raylan: Mm-hmm. You know it's gonna get bigger, too, right? Raylan: W-well, yeah. Raylan: Mm. Maybe we need more room. Winona: [ Sighs ] After all the time I spent redecorating? Raylan: Well, much as I appreciate you putting lipstick on this particular platypus... Winona: [ Laughs ] Raylan:...Maybe we should... I don't know... start looking for a house or something. Winona: Mm...And leave all this? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Doorbell rings ] Yeah? [ Shakily ] I got a large olive and eggplant. [ Chuckles ] Sorry, son, I didn't order a pizza. I did. [ Sighs ] [ Clears throat ] Where would you like me to put them? Put them on the desk and sit. Mm, these are way nicer than the piece of sh1t I wear. But I'm not complaining. Keeps good time. You don't remember me, do you? Never seen you before in my life. Oh, you've seen me. You just didn't notice me. But I know you. You're Delmer Coates. You used to own that watch store over on Clinton. Couple of kids tried to rob you. You shot them. Dumb asses didn't know you had a gun under the counter. Couple other guys tried after that, right? Yeah. You shot and killed four men. You're one tough son of a bitch. But I come in here and ask you for the watches, and you just lay down. Yeah. What was I supposed to do? I was hoping you'd pull on me, give me some lip. You just hit the silent alarm and wait for the cavalry to come. I know all about your security system. I'm the guy who put it in. When I ordered the pizza, I took your security system offline. Took me less than 30 minutes, which is more than I can say for you, slick. You understand why I ain't paying for that pizza, right? [ Whimpers ] Now, I don't like wearing a mask. I'm too pretty. So I am gonna have to kill you. But I'll tell you what... There's this game I like to play. I'm gonna put this gun between us and have the pizza man count it down from 10. When he gets to 1, we both go for it, so you got the same chance I got. That sounds fair, right? Start counting. I-I don't think I should be inv... be involved in this. Count. [ Inhales deeply ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ Shakily ] 8... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Screams ] I win. [ Latches click] [ Gasps ] I didn't see anything. I'm not gonna say anything. I swear. Are you gonna eat that pizza? No! Take it! [ Breathing heavily ] [ Knock on desk ] Raylan: What's up? Tim: Somebody killed a Mr. Delmer Coates last night along with a pizza delivery boy. They also emptied his safe. Raylan: I regret their passing. So? Tim: Well, whoever killed them took Mr. Coates' security system offline, which is not so easy considering... Raylan: I'm gonna stop it there. Were either Mr. Coates or the pizza delivery man federal fugitives? Tim: No, but Fletcher "the ice pick" Nix is. He's charged with interstate flight. The stab wounds on the victim's hands are consistent with an ice pick. Raylan: Can't help you. I'm on light duty. Maybe Rachel. Tim: Oh, yeah, I'd rather take her, but, uh... Raylan: "But, uh," what? Tim: Wynn Duffy's security system did the installation. Raylan: Is there a question attached to this? Tim: Well, Duffy's the only lead I got, and I thought you might help me out. Raylan: Why would you think that? Tim: 'Cause you had that thing. Raylan: Had what thing? Tim: Where you two killed Gary together. Raylan: That's funny. That's funny. Excuse me. I'm out of staples, and I'm getting a little light on paper clips. Tim: Come on, man. Raylan: "Come on, man." Have you not been listening? I cannot leave my desk. Tim: Just say you're on lunch. Raylan: I can't talk to Duffy. Tim: Sure you can. Raylan: No, I can't. Tim: Why not? Raylan: Last time I saw him I said our next conversation wasn't gonna be a conversation. Tim: Well, this is a different conversation. [ Car door closes ] Tim: What? He's not gonna remember something you said that long ago. Raylan: [ Sighs ] [ Sighs ] He doesn't want to talk to you. Raylan: Well, that makes two of us. Wynn: Who don't I want to talk to? Raylan: [ Exhales deeply ] Wynn: Raylan. To what do I owe the pleasure? Raylan: Deputy Gutterson has some questions for you. Tim: Gentleman named Delmer Coates was murdered last night. Name ring a bell? Wynn: Not offhand. Should it? Tim: Well, you installed his security system about two years ago. It was a whispertech series "c." Wynn: That's a good system. Tim: Whoever killed Coates disabled it first. Since you install so many of them... Wynn: I'm sorry, I just have to ask. Are you two accusing me of being involved or are you just asking me for information? Raylan: Whichever applies. Wynn: I don't think it'd very good for business if I went around murdering my own clients, do you? Tim: Well, it might be worth it if they had a safe full of expensive merchandise. Wynn: All my clients have expensive merchandise. That's why they buy security sys... Raylan: Just answer the question, or shut your mouth. Wynn: I can only imagine how frustrating this must be for you, Raylan. It'd be so much easier to just beat a confession out of me, wouldn't it? Raylan: That's still an option. Wynn: As a matter of fact, as I recall, last time we met, you told me next conversation we had wasn't gonna be a conversation. Raylan: This is a different conversation. Wynn: Oh. Tim: You ever hire an installer named Fletcher Nix? Favorite toy's an ice pick. Wynn: That's not exactly standard equipment. Raylan: That ain't exactly an answer. Wynn: Raylan, I am so sorry. I would love to be of more help, but I got to get back to watching women's tennis. Close the door, Mike. [ Exhales sharply ] [ Door slams shut ] Raylan: [ Sighs ] Well, the man's a piece of sh1t, but I believe him. Tim: You do? Raylan: He didn't flinch when you mentioned Delmer Coates. Tim: No, but when I mentioned that ice pick... Raylan: Yeah, he flinched a little. Tim: Well, maybe this one's above his pay grade. Who's he work for? Raylan: Emmitt Arnett. Dixie mafia shot-caller out of Frankfort. Tim: Okay, how about you go talk to him? You drop me off at the corner. I'll keep an eye on Duffy. Raylan: Excuse me? Tim: Or, you know, you can go back to the office, get your paper clips, do the p-p dance, whatever makes you feel happy, Raylan. [ Car door closes ] Raylan: [ Grunts ] [ Engine turns over ] [SCENE_BREAK] Wynn: [ Sighs ] Emmitt, is there anything you want to tell me? What is this, 20 questions? Wynn: You hired one of my own guys to go after one of my clients? Where'd you get that idea? Wynn: Don't insult my intelligence, Emmitt! I'm talking about Fletcher, the ice pick. Hey, baby? Baby, pull that door a minute, will you? I didn't think he was still one of your boys. Wynn: He isn't one of my boys. Do you know why? Because he's a federal fugitive, which means that anything he does points right back at me, which raises the obvious question, was that your intention, Emmitt? No! No, look. [ Sighs ] It d-didn't go as planned. I'm on my way into the office to meet him, and that'll be the end of it. Wynn: Well, let me know how that goes. And, by the way, Raylan Givens is on his way to talk to you. [ Sighs ] Damn. [ Buzzer sounds ] Boyd: Oh, it sure is good to see you. Ava: You okay? Boyd: I'm fine. How are you? Ava: Well, it sucks talking to you through this glass. Boyd: They're transferring me to Tramble. Everything okay? Ava: [ Inhales deeply ] You know that cord of wood we got stacked behind Arlo's house? Boyd: I thought maybe we could sell some. Ava: Yeah, but your old buddy from Memphis came by, said he couldn't use any of it. Boyd: Not a piece? Ava: Mnh-mnh. He said it was starting to rot. Didn't seem to have any good ideas about what we should do with it, either. Boyd: [ Sighs ] Well... [ Inhales deeply ] Burn it. Ava: All of it? Boyd: All of it. I wouldn't want to attract any termites or any other pests. Raylan: [ Sighs ] [ Cellphone rings ] Yeah? What's the problem? Uh-huh. Yeah. Small world. [ Elevator bell dings ] I'll tell you later. You want me to handle it? All right. Have it your way. Raylan: Something I can help you with? I like your hat. [ Elevator bell dings ] Raylan: [ Sighs ] There much call for cowboys these days? Raylan: You would be surprised. Yeah? Raylan: Yep. Whoa. Hey. It's not your floor. Change of plan. See you again. Raylan: Emmitt? Marshal! [ Chuckles ] I didn't hear you come in. Raylan: Sorry. Looking for Mr. Arnett. Uh, he won't be coming in today. Raylan: [ Sighs ] You know where I can find him? I can try to find out. Or maybe there's something I can do for you. My daddy had a hat kind of like yours. Raylan: Oh, yeah? Except the brim was smaller. Raylan: Businessman's Stetson. That's it. Can I be honest with you? Raylan: I'd like to think so. I don't think Mr. Arnett's in the real-estate business. Raylan: What makes you say that? Mostly just the people who come around. I mean, they don't look like real-estate folks. They don't even look like contractors or property managers or maintenance people. They're just sketchy. Raylan: Like Wynn Duffy. Exactly! And this new guy, Fletcher Nix. He is super creepy. Ohh. Raylan: What do you know about him? Nothing. Except he was supposed to come into the office this morning for a meeting, but Mr. Arnett canceled at the last minute. Raylan: Why'd he cancel? Mm. They rescheduled. Raylan: Rescheduled for...? Can I just say... It is so nice talking to a man who's interested in what you have to say. I mean, none of Mr. Arnett's colleagues are very good conversationalists, to say the least. Raylan: Must be difficult. They rescheduled for...? Tonight. But I don't have to be there. Thank goodness. Raylan: Do you know where? Um...Near a cab stand at Jefferson and Main. Raylan: Yvette, may I offer you some advice? Quit. The sooner the better. I got a feeling Mr. Arnett's about to ride a barrel over the falls. I wish you could see it, buddy. Hey, you know how they talk about Kentucky bluegrass? Well, it's actually blue. I did... I sent you a postcard this morning. No, I wouldn't kid you about that. Ll see for yourself as soon as I get settled. Hey, look, pop's got to go. I love you, buddy. Bye. [ Car door opens ] How'd that go? Just like you said it would. You tell him about tonight? Mm-hmm. But that's what I don't get. If they catch Fletcher before he makes the drop, you don't get the money. Well, I'm not so worried about the money anymore. Then what'd you come all this way for? I like the scenery. [ Gear shifts ] Raylan: This is Fletcher Nix? Tim: Didn't you look at his file? Raylan: Not closely. Tim: There a problem? Art: Okay, Rachel, I want you to call the LPD shift captain. Make sure he has all our info. Tim, you call the S.W.A.T. Team leader and do the same. Now, we're gonna need a photograph of Emmitt Arnett. Something better than a drivers license would be a big plus. Hopefully, we can get Arnett and Fletcher nix together tonight, and it'll be one-stop shopping. All right. Raylan: You ain't gonna let me do anything, are you? Art: Well, you can't run and you can't shoot. What good are you? Raylan: Well, I can be the guy on the radio, telling people what to do. Art: That's my job, asshole. Raylan: But, Art... Art: Not changing my mind. Raylan: No, no, no. There's something else you should know. Art: Okay. Raylan: Tim showed me a picture of Nix this morning, but I didn't look at it. Art: Is that it? Raylan: And then I ran into him later in the elevator at Arnett's, but I didn't recognize him. Art: Because you didn't look at the picture. Raylan: Mm-hmm. Art: 'Cause you've been shot, and you're off your game, which is why I told you to stay at your desk. So the next time I tell you to stay at your desk... Raylan: I'm gonna stay at my desk. Art: Thank you. Raylan: But this thing tonight... Art: Yes? Raylan: It might have come too easy... the information I got from Yvette. I didn't have to work hard for it. Art: Anything else you screwed up today? Raylan: Not that I can think of. Art: Go home, Raylan, really. We'll be fine. Ava: You sure do have some fine cookware, Mr. Givens. Arlo: Most of it was Helen's. Some from her sister. They both liked to cook. Ava: As do I. Arlo: Ava? [ Sighs ] While we appreciate you making this fine meal, I think we would appreciate it even more if you told us what Boyd had to say. Ava: [ Sighs ] Devil: Yeah, why you stalling? Ava: Well, you got me, Devil. I am stalling. I just wanted to get some good food in you before I relayed Boyd's orders. [ Sighs ] Boyd instructed that you burn the weed. Devil: The hell? Arlo: That weed's worth 100 grand easy. Ava: It's also worth 20 years any law enforcement happens by. Hot rod was our last outlet. We can't just sit on it and hope we run into someone who will take it off our hands. Devil: We ain't burning it. Ava: Those were Boyd's orders... Devil: Yeah, well, Boyd's not here, is he? Ava: [ Sighs ] Devil, I can imagine it is hard taking orders from a woman. Only you're not. You're taking orders from Boyd. I'm just passing it along. Now, the way I figure it is you got a choice. We can play nice. You do what Boyd says, and I keep making fine food. My fried chicken is to die for. The other path? You ignore Boyd, and I get ornery. Devil: Well, what are you gonna do? Spit in our food. [ Both laugh ] [ Groans ] Ava: We clear?! I need to make my point any more emphatically?! Arlo: You didn't need to do that, Ava. Ava: Of course I did, Mr. Givens. Otherwise I wouldn't have done it. Devil: [ Groans ] Tim: Male, 40s, approaching the Escalade, holding a box. Art: Fletcher Nix? Tim: Negative. Not... repeat, not... Fletcher Nix. [ Knock on window ] You're supposed to give me something for this. How about you get in the car or I shoot you in the face. Tim: Driver's got a gun. Art: All right, shut it down! Get in the goddamn car. Rachel: [ Grunts ] [ Sirens wail ] [ Gear shifts ] [ Tires screech ] [ Indistinct shouting ] Art: Keep your hands in the air! Keep your hands where I can see them at all times! Get out of the car. Put your hands on your head. Turn around. Kneel down. Raylan: I've always thought "Felix" deserved a comeback. Felix... Felix Givens. Winona: Like Felix the cat. Raylan: Yeah, but without the cat. Just...Felix. What do you think? On winona: Uh, yeah, maybe. Raylan: [ Chuckles ] Maybe, huh? Winona: Raylan, I think it's sweet that you think you have a say in the name. Raylan: I'm sorry? Winona: Well, I do know you, and I know that if I spend more than five minutes in labor, sweating and screaming and all of that, you're gonna go with whatever name I choose. I mean, I could... I could choose jiffy pop or palmolive. That's a good one. Raylan: Hmm. [ Cellphone ringing ] Jiffy pop. Winona: Jiffy pop. Raylan: Jiffy pop for a boy. Palmolive's obviously a girl's name. What's up, Art? How'd it go? Art: Not well. Fletcher Nix was a no-show, as was Arnett. Nix sent some homeless guy to do the drop, and arnett sent some guy that might have been a bodyguard, but we don't know now because he's all lawyered up. I thought the homeless guy was gonna get popped, so I shut it down. Raylan: What's next? Art: Frankfort PD's on the way Arnett's house to bring him in for questioning. [ Car beeping ] [ Car door closes ] Winona: Who are you? I'm the one with the gun. Raylan: This has nothing to do with the lady. That's too bad. Come inside. Shut the door. Now I ask you to take your gun out. I think you'd do it, considering the company. Slowly. Just take two fingers, and... You know what? Just do whatever you'd tell someone to do in a situation like this. Unh. Whole thing. Put it on the ground. Raylan: [ Sighs ] [ Grunts ] Have a seat. Raylan: [ Grunts ] Okay. What's next, Fletcher? Aww, you're showing me you know my name. Raylan: I know a lot about you. You didn't know me in the elevator. Raylan: What I still don't get is why you don't just take the money and run. Maybe because it's not money. Watches. I look like I know anything about watches? Raylan: Hell, I could take those off your hands. Give you 20 apiece for them. You can be on your way. [ Chuckles ] You're the one who put that plug in Tommy Bucks on that Miami rooftop. Raylan: That's right. How about we play a game? [ Chuckles ] Count down from 10. Raylan: Go ahead, Winona. Winona: Right now? This is as good a time as any. Winona: Uh... [SCENE_BREAK] When she gets to 1, we go for it. Winona: 5... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Voice breaking ] 2... [ Groans ] [ Inhales sharply ] [ Groaning ] Raylan: I'm sorry about your tablecloth. Is that really necessary? Wynn: I don't know him. He'll be here. He'll be here. Don't worry. No, he won't. Oh, he probably just stopped for a sandwich or something. That boy just can't stop eating. Actually, you know, it's a problem. Mr. Arnett, he's not coming. I had your assistant, Yvette, tell the marshals where the exchange was happening. [ Laughs ] I'm not joking. [ Slams glass ] Why would you do that? You had a good thing going here, Emmitt. But you let go of the rope. [ Sighs ] You done? Almost. You know me now? Yeah. Dewey: I don't know if you're thinking of it, but stay away from the neck. Now, back here's okay, but up here? Hurts like a son of a bitch, and don't mind my saying. I think it might be because the skin is looser or something. Dickie: Yeah, no no, thank you. I don't plan on getting no tattoos. Dewey: Well, man, neither did I, but, as much as anything else, it gives you something to do, you know? You can only spank it so much. What the hell's he doing here?

Three weeks after the events of season 2, Raylan, recovering from his gunshot wound, is visited by Boyd to answer questions about missing marijuana. When Raylan refuses to hand over Dickie, Boyd attacks Raylan and is arrested. He relays orders through Ava, who has to deal with Devil's insubordination. Dixie Mafia associate Emmitt Arnett (Steven Flynn) is visited by Detroit enforcer Quarles ( Neal McDonough ), who demands repayment for a failed real estate investment. Arnett sends Fletcher Nix ( Desmond Harrington ) to rob a man to pay back the Detroit mob; Nix shoots the man after stabbing his hand with an icepick. Deputy Tim recognizes the MO and drags an unwilling Raylan to question Wynn Duffy ( Jere Burns ), for whom Nix works. Wynn denies involvement but warns Arnett, whose secretary, in league with Quarles, reveals to Raylan that Arnett is arranging a meeting that night with Nix. Arnett sends a bodyguard to the meeting while Nix sends a homeless man. Quarles shoots Arnett and his secretary. Raylan takes Winona to his apartment, where Nix is waiting to kill him under Arnett's orders, but Raylan gets the upper hand and shoots Nix. Arriving in prison, Boyd stares down a shocked Dickie.

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Scene: The lobby. Penny: Oh, damn, they cancelled my Visa. Oh, yay, a new MasterCard! Sheldon: Uh-oh. Penny: What? Sheldon: I was going to get my mail. Penny: Okay. Are, are you hoping to get it telepathically? Sheldon: I think you mean telekinetically. And no, I just wasn't sure of the proper protocol now that you and Leonard are no longer having coitus. Penny: God, can we please just say no longer seeing each other? Sheldon: Well, we could if it were true. But as you live in the same building, you see each other all the time. The variable which has changed is the coitus. Penny: Okay, here's the protocol, you and I are still friends, and you stop saying coitus. Sheldon: Good, good. I'm glad we're still friends. Penny: Really? Sheldon: Oh, yes. It was a lot of work to accommodate you in my life. I'd hate for that effort to have been in vain. Penny: Right. Sheldon: Just to be clear do I have to stop saying coitus with everyone or just you? Penny: Everyone. Sheldon: Harsh terms. But all right, I'll just substitute intercourse. Penny: Great. Sheldon: Or fornication. Yeah. But that has judgmental overtones, so I'll hold that in reserve. Penny: So, how you been? Sheldon: Well, my existence is a continuum, so I've been what I am at each point in the implied time period. Penny: You're just coitusing with me, aren't you? Sheldon: Bazinga. Penny: Mmm. How's Leonard doing? Sheldon: He seems all right. Although he does spend a disturbing amount of time looking at photographs of you and smelling the pillow you slept on. Oh, but now that I think of it, he asked me not to tell you that. Penny: I'll pretend I didn't hear it. Sheldon: I'd rather you pretend I didn't say it. I see you bought Mama Italia marinara spaghetti sauce. Penny: Yep. Sheldon: That's the sauce my mother uses. She likes cooking Italian because according to her, that's what the Romans made Jesus eat. Penny: Interesting. I'll have to have you over for spaghetti some night. Sheldon: I'm hungry now. Penny: Oh. Um, okay. Why don't you give me an hour and come over? Sheldon: Will you cut up hot dogs into little chunks and mix them in with the sauce? Penny: I don't have hot dogs. Sheldon: Oh, it's all right, I do. Oh! You're in for what my mother calls a real Eye-talian treat. (Enters apartment). Leonard: Hey, where you been? Sheldon: I was talking with Penny. Howard: What's wrong with you? You can't hang out with your roommate's ex. That's totally uncool. Leonard: No, no, it's fine. I don't care. I'm over it. Raj: Yeah, he's over it, that's why he's been whining all day about trying to invent that memory-wiper gizmo from Men in Black. Sheldon: Is he making any progress? Because I'd like to erase Ben Affleck as Daredevil. Howard: So would Ben Affleck. The point is, in a situation like this you got to pick sides. You're either on Team Leonard or Team Penny. Sheldon: Which one picks last? Howard: What? Sheldon: Well, usually I'm on the team that picks last. Unless there's a kid in a wheelchair. Leonard: Sheldon, I got you your tangerine chicken. I hope you're hungry. Sheldon: Well, of course I'm hungry. And as I have no plans to eat with any other team, I will consume my tangerine chicken with the appropriate gusto. Mm, mm, mm! Leonard: Okay. Sheldon: Just out of curiosity, do we still have hot dogs? Leonard: I don't know. Why? Sheldon: Just making dinner conversation. Go, Team Leonard! Credits sequence Scene: A few moments later. Howard: Oh, God, this is good. Raj: Let me ask you a question. Do you believe you're going to go to hell for eating sweet and sour pork? Howard: Jews don't have hell. We have acid reflux. Leonard: Do you want the last dumpling, Sheldon? Sheldon: Certainly. It's not like I have to moderate my food intake because I'm planning on eating again very shortly. Mm, mm, mm! Leonard: So, you guys want to do something tonight? Howard: Nah, I can't. I got to pick up my mom from her water aerobics class. 18 overweight women flapping their arm fat in a swimming pool. Looks like the manatee tank at Sea World. Leonard: What about you, Raj? Raj: Oh, there it is, now that you don't have a girlfriend, you want to hang out with me again. Leonard: I never stopped hanging out with you. Raj: Oh, please, we all know I'm the friend you call when you have no other options. If we were the Justice League, I'd be Aquaman. Howard: I wish you were Aquaman. Then I could send you to scoop my mom out of the old lady tank. Sheldon: Excuse me, I'm thirsty, so I'm going to go to the refrigerator and get myself a refreshing beverage. Leonard: You know what? I'll just spend the evening alone. Raj: What, suddenly I'm not good enough for you? Sheldon: Ah, I do so love beverages. Now I think I'll take my after-dinner walk. Leonard: Since when do you take after-dinner walks? Howard: Yeah, since when do you take walks? Sheldon: I read a study online that walking after a meal not only aids in digestion, but increases serotonin, and you know me, if there's one thing I like more than a refreshing beverage, it's serotonin. Bye-bye. Howard: Hold on. I'll walk down with you. Sheldon: Oh, that's not necessary. You can go first. Howard: Or we could go together. Sheldon: I can't think of a reason why not. Howard: Let's go. Sheldon: Hold on. Nope, no reason. Raj: I've missed you. Scene: The lobby. Sheldon: All right, say hello to your mother for me. Howard: Okay. Sheldon: What? Howard: You said you were going for a walk. Sheldon: I didn't say outside. Howard: So what, you're just gonna walk up and down the stairs? Sheldon: No, of course not. That would be odd and suspicious behavior. Woman's voice: Here Bubbles. Here boy. Howard: Which way are you going? Sheldon: Which way are you going? Howard: I parked my scooter down the block. Sheldon: I'm going the other way. Bye. Howard: Bye. Actually, I'm this way. Do I smell hot dogs? Sheldon: No. I mean, I have no idea what you smell. Howard: I definitely smell raw hot dog. Sheldon: Perhaps you're getting a brain tumour. Howard: All right, have a nice walk. Sheldon: I shall. Have a nice scoot. Howard: You might want to stand back. I'm sitting on top of 13 horses here. Sheldon: Oh. Hello, doggie. Nice doggie. I bet you think you smell hot dogs. Look, a cat! Scene: Penny's apartment. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny, (knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Long pause, knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Penny opens door. A dishevelled Sheldon is holding up one hot dog.) Here. I had to trade the others for my life. Scene: The apartment. Raj: Hey, Leonard? Leonard: Yeah? Raj: I haven't had s*x in a year. Leonard: Where you going with this, Raj? Raj: Don't flatter yourself, dude. I want to go out and meet a woman. Leonard: So, go. Raj: Well, I need a wingman. I don't want to come off like a lonely loser. Leonard: And you think my presence will help with that? Raj: Well, I do. Next to you, I'll look like a catch. Leonard: I'm not going out tonight, Raj. Raj: All right. Would you mind if I went to your room and downloaded some Asian pornography? Leonard: Very much. Raj: Doesn't have to be Asian. Leonard: Don't worry. You'll meet a girl someday. Raj: No, I won't. Leonard: Yes, you will, and she'll be beautiful, and kind and sexy and funny and everything you ever wanted in a woman. Raj: You really think so? Leonard: I do, and you'll fall hopelessly in love and give her your heart. And she'll take it and grind it into pathetic, little pieces. Raj: But we'll have s*x first, right? Scene: Penny's apartment. Sheldon: Mmm, mmm, mmm. That's Eye-talian. Penny: So, um, was Leonard okay with you coming over? Sheldon: Oh, yes. In fact, he said, I'm fine, I don't care. And he in no way said it in a manner which would lead one to believe that he was covering up feelings of anguish and betrayal. Penny: Well, good. Sheldon: I'm also pleased to report that he's all cried out over you. Penny: He's been crying? Sheldon: Oh, I believe that was something else I wasn't supposed to mention. Penny: Oh, God, I feel terrible. Sheldon: Do you have a stomach ache, too? Penny: No. Why, do you? Sheldon: No. Penny: Why did you ask if I had one, too? Sheldon: Just making polite dinner conversation. Your turn. Penny: All right. So, what's new in your life? Sheldon: Well, my new shoes are not made for running. Penny: Have you been running? Sheldon: No. It's just a suspicion I have. Mmm, mmm, mmm. Penny: I'm so glad you like it. Sheldon: I do. Leonard never cooks for me. Penny: Well, maybe that's 'cause Leonard can't cook. Sheldon: You can't cook and you made me this. Penny: Whatever. Ooh, I'm gonna get the cheesecake out of the fridge. Sheldon: Oh, Lord, I'm in Jewish hell. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The apartment. Raj: Look at this. Do you think she's really doing that or is it PhotoShop? Leonard: I'm pretty sure Martha Stewart never got naked with a room full of big, fat Japanese guys. Raj: You don't know that. Prison changes people. Leonard: Hey, where you been? Sheldon: I told you, walking. Leonard: For an hour and a half? Sheldon: I got lost. Leonard: How could you get lost? Your phone has GPS. Sheldon: Satellites are down. Solar flares. Raj: There are no solar flares right now. Sheldon: Yes, there are. Raj: Dude, I'm an astrophysicist. If there were solar flares, I'd be all up in it. Sheldon: I'm sorry. I misspoke. What I meant to say was my battery died. Leonard: What the hell was that about? Raj: I don't know. Do you think this is really Hillary Clinton doing it with Oprah? Leonard: Oh, we really need to get you a girl. Scene: Leonard's bedroom. Leonard is asleep. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (knock, knock, knock) Leonard, (knock, knock, knock) Leonard. Leonard: Oh, just come in! Sheldon: Thanks for seeing me on such short notice. Leonard: What do you want, Sheldon? Sheldon: Maybe this isn't a good time. Leonard: Tell me why you woke me up or I swear to God I will kill you. Sheldon: Do you really think death threats are an appropriate way to begin this conversation? Sometimes your lack of social skills astonishes me. Leonard: What do you want? Sheldon: You may want to sit down. Leonard: I'm in bed! Sheldon: Point taken. You may want to sit up. Leonard: Sheldon! Sheldon: I've been seeing Penny behind your back. Leonard: Okay, when you say seeing Penny, what exactly does that mean? Sheldon: We had dinner last night. She made me spaghetti with little hot dogs cut up in it. Well, little hot dog. I gave up the other five hot dogs to a real dog. A real, big dog. A hell hound. Tangential to the primary story. How about I circle back to it? Leonard: Fine. Why did you have dinner with Penny? Sheldon: I told you, she made spaghetti with little hot dogs. I like spaghetti with little hot dogs. Leonard: Then why did you have Chinese food with us? Sheldon: I didn't want to upset you. Howard made it very clear that my allegiance should be to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money. Leonard: Is it possible he said Bros before Hos? Sheldon: Yes, but I rephrased it to avoid offending the hos. Leonard: Sheldon, I don't care if you want to be friends with Penny. Sheldon: Oh. Well, so the emotional turmoil that's been keeping me from achieving REM sleep was entirely unjustified? Leonard: Yes. Sheldon: Well then as my meemaw would say, looks like we butchered a pig, but nobody wanted bacon. Leonard: I guess not. Sheldon: And now, as promised, the tangent. Sheldon and the Hell Hound, or How I Lost My Hot Dogs. Scene: The laundry room. Penny: Oh, um, I, I can come back. Leonard: D-don't be silly. We're neighbours, we're going to run into each other, may as well get used to it. Penny: Yeah, I guess you're right. Leonard: You used to it yet? Penny: Nope. Leonard: Me neither. Oh, Sheldon seemed think that I would be upset about you hanging out with him. But I just want you to know it's fine. Penny: Oh, oh, good, because, um, his mother called me. Leonard: His mother? Penny: Yeah, she wants me to take him shopping for sheets and towels. Leonard: I was going to do that. Penny: Oh, well, then you, you do it. Leonard: No, I don't want to do it. You can do it. Penny: Okay, you can take him for shoes. Leonard: I just took him for shoes. Penny: Well, all I know is he says they hurt his feet. Leonard: Fine. I'll take him for shoes next Saturday. Penny: Oh, no, no, no, a bunch of us from work are going to Disneyland next Saturday and Sheldon wants to come. Leonard: You're taking him to Disneyland? Penny: Well, he heard me making plans on the phone. Was I going to say no? Leonard: All right. But let me know if you're going to stuff him with junk food. I don't want to bring home a nice dinner for him and see it go to waste. Penny: We're going to Disneyland. He's going to eat junk food. Leonard: All I'm saying is give me a heads-up. Penny: Okay, whatever. Leonard: And don't let him go on Space Mountain after he eats. He'll say he can handle it, but I promise you'll end up with churro puke on your shoes. Penny: All right, got it. Is there anything else? Leonard: Yeah, don't let Goofy near him. He'll have nightmares and I'll have to deal with it. Penny: What's the problem with Goofy? Leonard: Wish I knew. He's fine with Pluto. Scene: The apartment. Raj: Hey, do you think the elastic woman in The Incredibles needs to use birth control or can she just be a diaphragm? Howard: Well, that's it. We're officially out of things to talk about. Penny: We're home. Leonard: It's ten o'clock, where have you been? Sheldon: We stayed for the California Adventure water show. It was pure Disney magic. Leonard: I was going to see that with him. Penny: How was I supposed to know that? Sheldon: It's all right. I'll see it again with you. Leonard: And I have food here. You said you were going to call. Penny: I know, I know. Sheldon: I can still eat. Penny: No, you already threw up once. Go put on your PJs and brush your teeth. Sheldon: Okay, but just don't fight Leonard: We're not fighting. Penny: Just go. Leonard: Aren't you going to thank Penny for taking you to Disneyland? Sheldon: Thank you, Penny. Penny: You're welcome, sweetie. Leonard: Want a cup of coffee? Penny: Oh, um, I should probably get going. Leonard: Come on. It's just a cup of coffee. Penny: Yep, okay. Howard (to Raj, who has whispered to him): Oh, yeah, the whole thing seems a little twisted to me, too. Leonard: What am I smelling? Penny: Sheldon's churro on my shoes. Scene: Sheldon's bedroom. Penny: He's such an angel when he's asleep. Leonard: Yeah. Shame he has to wake up. Penny: I think we can do it. Leonard: Smother Sheldon in his sleep? Wouldn't that be wrong? Penny: No, be friends. You and me. Leonard: Oh. Sure. Absolutely. Penny: Good. I'm glad. Leonard: Here's an idea. I'm just throwing it out there, friends who have s*x. Penny: Good night, Leonard. Leonard: Kidding. Just a couple of friends goofin' around. Sheldon (in his sleep): No, Goofy, no.

Sheldon tries to maintain his friendships with Leonard and Penny, now that they have broken up, as they consider whether they can still be friends with each other.

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(In 1988, a little boy is reading a book) Ted from 2030: When your Uncle Marshall was ten years old, he read a book called Life Among the Gorillas. It was written by an anthropologist named Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-Vazquez, it told the story of the year she spent living among the Western Lowland Gorillas of Cameroon. When Dr. Birnholz-Vazquez came to the local community college to give a lecture, Marshall, the youngest member of the audience, raised his hand with a question. Marshall: What advice do you have for a budding anthropologist? Dr. Birnholz: So you want to be an anthropologist? Marshall: Yep. When I grow up, I want to go live with the gorillas, just like you did. Ted from 2030: What she said next changed his life. Dr. Birnholz: Oh, that's wonderful, but I'm afraid you can't. They'll all be dead by then... [in 2006] Marshall:...and if economic sanctions and trade restrictions aren't enforced, the destruction of the rainforests will continue and over a million species will be wiped out. Ted: So you don't want coffee. Marshall: I'm saying that the coffee industry is causing irreversible... Ted: All right. I'm pouring it out. Marshall: Okay, one cup. The kid needs to be alert. First day on the job and everything. Ted: I still can't believe you're going all corporate on us. "The kid" has become "the man." Marshall: Okay, it's just an internship to make a little money. After law school, I'm going to work for the NRDC. They're gonna stop global warming. Ted from 2030: Well... I mean... they did their best. Lily: Here's your sack lunch. Marshall: Okay, I love you because, one, you made me a sack lunch and two, you laugh every time you say the word "sack". Lily: I love you, Marshmallow. Marshall: I love you. Ted: I love you too, Marshmallow. Marshall: Uh-oh. Ted? Ted: Oh, no. No, she didn't. Marshall: Yeah. Yeah, she did. Ted: Another care package? Ted from 2030: Another care package. I'd been in a long-distance relationship with Victoria for nearly a month. Long-distance relationships are a bad idea. Marshall: How many is that so far? Ted: Three. Lily: And how many have you sent her? Ted: In the mail or in my mind? Zero. She's up three-zip. Oh! Cupcakes! Great. I bet they're delicious, too. Yup, they're delicious. Damn it! I don't deserve these delicious cupcakes. God, I hate myself right now. Marshall: God, that is so me at 15. Ted from 2030: Marshall was going to work for a big corporation called Altrucel. Altrucel was most well-known for making the yellow fuzzy stuff on the surface of tennis balls. I mean, this was a huge company, so they did other things... But mostly they wanted the public to focus on the yellow fuzzy stuff. Anyway, Marshall managed to score an internship in their legal department because he knew someone who worked there. Barney's office (Barney's on the phone) Barney: Go for Barney. Voice: Mr. Stinson, this is Willis from lobby security. Sorry to bother you, but we've had reports of a sasquatch loose in the building. Barney: A sasquatch? Voice: That's right, sir, a Bigfoot. We don't want to alarm you, but he's been spotted on your floor. Barney: Yes! Look at you. You suited in an unmistakably upward direction. Marshall: Whoa. That is a butt-load of motivational posters. Barney: Yeah, hell, yeah. I got 'em all: Teamwork, Courage, Awesomeness... Marshall: There's one for awesomeness? Barney: Yeah, I had it made. Sit. Marshall: Hey, so, now that I'm working here, are you finally going to tell me exactly what your job is? Barney: Please. Man #1: My dawg! Man #2: My dawg! Barney: Hey, Blauman, Bilson, this is Marshall. These guys are in legal. You're gonna be working with them. Marshall: Marshall Eriksen. Nice to meet you. Bilson: Nice tie. Steak sauce. Blauman: Oh, steak sauce! For true, though. Marshall: Where, I don't, I don't see... Barney: Marshall? Sidebar. Your tie is steak sauce. It means A-1. A-1? Get it? Try to keep up. Bilson: Okay, Eriksen, let's get to work. It's 2:00 a.m. It's raining outside. Ding dong! What? The doorbell? Oh, hello, Jessica Alba in a trench coat and nothing else. But wait-- knock, knock. Somebody's at the back door? Marshall: I don't have a back door. Bilson: Oh, my gosh, Jessica Simpson? What a surprise. Two Jessicas, you gotta pick one. What do you do? Go. Marshall: Right. Well, uh... I'm engaged, so-- Bilson: Fiancee's out of town. What do you do? Go. Marshall: We're still engaged, even if she's... Bilson: Okay, fiancee's dead. Hit by a bus. What do you do? Go. The Bar Ted: Sure you don't want one? Robin: How many of those have you eaten? Ted: Four. Teen. No, just four. And the icing from two more. So, anyway, here's the problem. [FLASHBACK] Ted: Hey, it's Ted. I guess you're asleep. Anyway, I got the care package, and it's just great. Here, listen... Mmm. Mmm! [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted: So I'm standing there, my mouth full of this delicious relationship-winning cupcake... And... I said something dumb. [FLASHBACK] Ted: Oh, and, um... don't worry, yours is in the mail. I sent it a couple days ago. And it's awesome. Really, really awesome. [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted: Why did I say that? I think frosting makes me lie. Robin: Oh, Teddy boy. Ted: Yeah. So now, whatever I send her, she'll know I sent it after I talked to her. So that's the problem. You work on that. I'm gonna eat this cupcake. Robin: All right, here's what you do: Put together a care package of stuff from New York-- some H&H bagels, an Empire State Building keychain... and then, top off the package with a New York Times... Ready? From three days ago. Ted: That's brilliant. You're brilliant. You know, it's funny, not so long ago, I was coming to Marshall and Lily for advice on how to impress you. Robin: That is funny. Ted from 2030: And here's why it was funny. [FLASHBACK] Ted from 2030: Little did I realize, a few weeks earlier, here's what Robin was saying to Lily about me. Robin: Okay, fine, I have feelings for him. [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted: Now it's ironic, the girl I used to like is helping me impress the girl I now like. Robin: The irony is clear, Ted. The appartment Lily: Hey! How was your first day? Marshall: I don't wanna talk about it. The guys I work with are a bunch of jerks. Lily: What? Marshall: They're jerks! Lily: What makes them jerks? Marshall: Forget it, I don't want to talk about it. Well, like today at lunch.. [FLASHBACK] Bilson: What do you got there, Ericksen? Mommy pack your lunch? Marshall: For your information, my fiancee did. Blauman: Oh... Does she cut the crusts off your sandwich, too? Marshall: No. Blauman: What's that? Marshall: Nothing. Give it. Bilson: "Dear Marshmallow. Good luck today. I love you. Lilypad." Marshall: Give it. Bilson: P.S. If you've unfolded this note, your kiss already got out. Quick-- catch it." Marshall: Give it back. Hey, give it. Gimme... Give it! [END OF FLASHBACK] Lily: Oh, screw those guys! We're adorable. Marshall: I know. God. It's like freshman year all over again. Only this time, my sweet dance moves aren't going to be enough to win them over. Not even Old Reliable. Lily: Sweetie... It would be cool to have some extra money, but, but, if you're unhappy, it's not worth it. The Bar Marshall: I quit. Barney: What? No. We're having so much fun. You, me, working together. It's great. Marshall: We're not even working together, Barney. I'm in the legal department and you're... Seriously, what is it that you do? Barney: Please. Marshall: I'm sorry, dude, this corporate thing, it's just... it's not for me. Barney: Oh, of course it's not for you. It's for Lily. Marshall: What? Barney: Marshall. Lily's a catch. But do you really think you're going to hang onto a girl that great without the package? Marshall: The package? Barney: The package. The house. The car. Sending your kids to a great school. A vacation once in a while. Marshall: Lily doesn't care about that stuff. Barney: Well, no-- now she doesn't, but how's she going to feel in a couple years, when she's supporting you on a kindergarten teacher's salary while you're off in court defending some... endangered... South American... flying beaver. Marshall: She'll be happy. Barney: Okay. But will you be happy knowing you could have made her a lot happier. At Marshall's work Bilson: And all four are totally naked. You gotta choose one. What do you do? Go. Marshall: I guess, uh... Bea Arthur. Bilson: Ahh! Wrong! Betty White. Clean this stuff up, Eriksen. The Bar Robin: So, did she get the awesome care package yet? Ted: Yep. Yesterday. Robin: Did she love it? Ted: Ooh, she loved it. Robin: So what's the problem? Ted: So I was talking to her last night. And, I should tell you, we've been talking on the phone every other night for, like, an hour and a half. Eventually you just run out of stuff to say. [FLASHBACK] Ted: What did you have for lunch today? Oh. Rye bread. Yeah. [END OF FLASHBACK] Robin: Oh, Teddy boy. Ted: I'm usually so good at being a boyfriend, but this never-seeing-each-other thing, it's a bitch. Maybe it just can't be do. I think it's clear what I have to do. Robin: It's pretty clear. Ted: I have to go to Germany and surprise her. Robin: Totally what I was thinking. Get out of my head, man! Barney's office Marshall: Barney, how do I get these idiots to leave me alone? Barney: Marshall, consider the penguins. Marshall: The penguins? Barney: On the wall. Marshall: "Conformity. It's the one who's different that gets left out in the cold." This is a motivational poster? Barney: Look at yourself, Marshall. You're not happy. And you know why? Because you're different. Now, I suppose you could learn to love yourself for the unique little snowflake that you are, or... you could change your entire personality, which is just so much easier. [SCENE_BREAK] The appartment Lily: Change your personality? That is so awful, and not at all motivational. Marshall: Not necessarily. Okay, at first, I was appalled, but then I realized it's just like Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-Vasquez in Life Among the Gorillas. I have to gain the acceptance of the herd by behaving exactly like one of them. It's an anthropological study. Isn't that cool? Lily: It sounds kinda like peer pressure. Marshall: No, no, no. It's totally anthropological and it's cool and I'm doing it. Lily: Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's peer pressure. We have an assembly every year. Marshall: I'm portraying someone who succumbs to peer pressure. Lily: All right, but if those guys try to pressure you to smoke, what do you say? Marshall: Only when I'm drunk. Lily: Good boy. Ted from 2030: And so, to fit in with the gorillas, Marshall had to learn to act like a gorilla, and that meant gorilla lessons. The Bar Barney: Okay, I'm psyched about this. But if I'm going to mentor you, I need to know you're psyched about this, too. Marshall: Oh, I am. I'm, I'm psyched. Barney: Yeah, but it's one thing to say it, it's another thing to show it. Show it. Marshall: I'm psyched! Barney: What was that? Marshall, I should feel tremors of psychitude rock my body like a seizure. That was like a declawed pregnant cat on a porch swing idly swatting at a fly on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Marshall: Wow, that was really specific. Barney: Show me you're psyched! Let's do this! Ow! That hurt! Marshall: So badly. Barney: And then you slip it to the guy with a discreet handshake and he'll get it done. Marshall: Right. Get what done? Barney: Whatever. Marshall: Cool. And what guy is this? Barney: There's always a guy. Marshall: Okay, all right, I, uh, I think I'm ready. Barney: You sure? You want to practice your story one more time? Marshall: All right. So dude, check it. I'm in San Diego with two of my bro-sephs from Kappa, and they're all, "Yo, Eriksen, let's roll to the strip clubs." So I'm, like, "Snapadoo!" So we find this choice nudie nest near the airport......and that is when the bouncer kicked us out. Now, I have no idea if Svetlana ever got her green card, but dudes, fake diamond ring? Worth every penny, bruh. Blauman: Eriksen...that was steak sauce! Bilson: Great story. The appartment Ted from 2030: The next moning, I was about to buy my ticket to Germany when I got an e-mail. Ted: Uh-oh. The Bar Victoria's voice: "Hey, Ted, sorry I missed your call last night. This long-distance thing sucks, huh? Listen, I've been thinking and I really need to talk to you tonight. I'll call you at 11:00. Victoria." So? Ted: So she's going to dump me. Has anyone ever said, "Listen, I've been thinking," and then follow it up with something good? It's not like: Listen, I've been thinking, Nutter-Butters are an underrated cookie. What else can it be? What could she possibly have to say to me that she couldn't write in an e-mail? Robin: I cut off all my fingers? Ted, you're a great guy. I know it, you know it, she knows it. I would bet you a gazillion dollars-- no, I'm even more confident. I would bet you a floppity jillion dollars that she's not calling to break up with you. Ted: Thanks. You're right. I'm being crazy. So I should still buy that plane ticket, right? Robin: I'd wait. The Appartment (Marshall is on the phone, Lily is painting) Marshall: 'Sup, Blauman? E-bomb here. We still on for karaoke? Dope. I'm going to rock you on the mike so hard your hears are going to bleed gravy. Catch you on the flip, butt puppet. Lily: Okay...what do you think? Marshall: Steak sauce. Lily: Steak sauce? Marshall: Yeah. Lily: Look, you know, whatever anthropology you do at work is your business, but please don't act like that around here. Marshall: Lily, when Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-... Lily: No, when Dr. Australia Birdbath-Vaseline came home from the gorillas, she didn't run around picking nits out of people's hair and-and throwing feces. I'm begging you just, just leave it at the office. Marshall: Why? Lily: Because you're acting like one of those guys, and those guys are lame. Marshall: Okay, those guys were mean at first, yes, but they're actually good guys, and if you got to know them, then you would see that. Come karaoke with us tonight, and you'll see how totally not that lame they are, okay? Lily: Okay. At the karaoke Blauman: But wait, knock-knock, back door, who's there? Angelina Jolie... wait, in a wheelchair. What do you do? Go. Bilson: Dude, Scarlett Johannsen with no arms, any day of the week. Yeah. Lily: You're right. They're delightful. Marshall: So, Barney, you gonna sing anything? Barney: Nah. I'm so over karaoke. Marshall: Really? I thought you'd be totally into it. Barney: Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm good. The best, really. But it's the greatest samurai who lets his sword rust in its scabbard. Lily: Oh, baby, they have our song. Let's do "Don't Go Breaking My Heart." Bilson: What? Marshall: "Don't Go Breaking My Heart." Elton John, Kiki Dee. Bilson: No way. You got to go with some Black Sabbath. Lily: Well, actually, Marshall and I have this little dance routine. Marshall: "Iron Man." I could do "Iron Man." Blauman: Steak sauce. Bilson: Steak sauce, dude. Blauman: Should we tell him? All right, Eriksen, I've got some good news. On Monday, Bilson and I are going to talk to Montague in HR. When you graduate, we want you working with us. What do you say? Yes! Bilson: That's my man! Blauman: I told you he would. Aw, we're gonna own the office. Lily: Okay, that was gross. When were you going to tell me you changed your entire career path? Marshall: Nothing has changed, okay? I still want to help the environment. I just thought that maybe I could make some money for a few years. We could buy an apartment, send our kids to good schools. You could quit your job and focus on your painting. I know that you say you don't need it, but... I love you and I want to give it to you anyway. I want to give you the package. Lily: The package?! You've already given me the package. You've got a great package, Marshall. I love your package. Marshall: Lily, you're the most incredible woman I know, and you deserve a big package. Lily: Your package has always been big enough. You may not realize this, Marshall Eriksen, but you've got a huge package. Robin's work place (Robin is on the phone with Ted) Robin: Hello. Ted: Why hasn't she called yet? Robin: Okay, you're making yourself crazy. It's Saturday night. Go out and do something. Ted: No, what's the point of going out? I got a girlfriend... for now. Besides, if I go out, who's going to watch the news? I'm, like, half your viewership. Robin: I'm flattered you think we have two viewers. She's not going to break up with you, Ted. You're awesome. Ted: Thanks. Anyway, it's almost 11:00. I should let you go. Break a leg. Ted from 2030: And so I was sitting at home, waiting for the phone to ring, something occurred to me. Ted: I'm actually sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring. At the karaoke (Ted arrives) Barney, singing: *He's giving you the blues. You want to graduate, but not in his bed. Here's what you got to do Pick up the phone...* Ted: Marshall. Marshall: Hey, hey. Ted: Dude, I feel like I haven't seen you in a month. Marshall: Yeah. Yeah. How you doing? Ted: I think Victoria's about to break up with me. Marshall: Oh, God, I'm sorry, man. Ted: Yeah, well, honestly, I'm having trouble remembering what she looks like. The more I try to picture her, the more I can't. Like, I remember how she makes me feel. I just... I don't completely remember her. It's like I'm trying to preserve something that's already gone. Marshall: Preserving something that's already gone. Sounds like environmental law. Ted: I don't know. We struggle so hard to hold onto these things that we know are going to disappear eventually. And that's really noble, but even if you save every rainforest from being turned into a parking lot, well, then where are you going to park your car? Barney, singing: *Done dirt cheap! Dirty deeds. Done dirt cheap! Dirty deeds. Done dirt cheap! Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap, ow. Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap...* Uh, rockupied. Dude, what...? (Marshall says something to Barney, who then passes him the microphone) Next up, Marshmallow and Lillypad. Marshall: *Don't go breakin' my heart* Lily: *I couldn't if I tried* Marshall: *Honey, if I get restless* Lily: *Baby, you're not that kind...* Ted from 2030: It turns out some things are worth preserving. But here's the real question: It's 2:00 a.m. Your friends are still out singing karaoke, but you're home early 'cause you're expecting a call from your girlfriend in Germany, who was supposed to call four hours ago. And then the phone rings. Ted: Hello. Robin: Hi, Ted. It's Robin. Um, listen, I know it's late, but, uh, do you want to come over? Ted from 2030: What do you do? Go.

Marshall and Lily have an argument over Marshall's new job at Barney's firm, which Lily alleges is having a negative effect on his values. Meanwhile, Ted feels guilty for not sending Victoria as many care packages as she has, and asks Robin for advice on maintaining his long-distance relationship. That evening, as Ted worries that Victoria is going to break up with him, he receives a call from Robin, asking to hang out.

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Act 1 Scene 1 - Café Nervosa Fade in. Frasier is just getting to a table. Niles comes in. Niles: Just the man I wanted to see. Coffee, please. Frasier: Niles, Niles... Niles: You would not believe the morning I... Frasier: Niles, would you be terrible offended if I asked you just not to not talk about it and sit quietly? Niles: Can I at least tell you...? Frasier: Shhh, shhh, please, I do not have time for your folderol today. I am meeting Charlotte for lunch and I'm planning my strategy on how to win her over. Niles: I thought you said she has a boyfriend, this environmentalist fellow. Frasier: Yes, Frank. The waiter brings Niles' coffee. Niles: Thank you. So, what's your plan to get around him? Frasier: I'm merely going to present myself as the anti-Frank. Niles: Ah. So you're going to be not rugged and not handsome? Interesting. Frasier: No. Niles: You're also going to be not passionate and not committed. Frasier: Very funny. Niles: Maybe she'd like you if you were not interesting and not informed. Frasier: Niles! Niles: Well you said my day was folderol! Frasier: Sometimes it is! CUT TO: Roz and a man talking at the window table. Roz: I don't believe you. Steve: It's true. My roommate and I used to listen to your show Every day just for you. We fell in love with your voice. Roz: Really? [in a dusky tone] It's just a voice. Steve: Well, all the guys on my floor listen to you. Roz: To our show? Steve: Yeah. Roz: Boy, things sure have changed since I was in college. Steve: Well, it wasn't exactly college, more like prison. Roz: So was mine. So where'd you go? Steve: Prison. Roz: Oh. So... you fell in love with my voice? CUT TO: Niles and Frasier as Charlotte walks in. Charlotte: Hi. The boys rise. Frasier: Charlotte, hi. You remember my brother Niles. Niles: Yes, Charlotte, how are you? Charlotte: Oh, hello. Well, frustrated. Been selling this guy all over town, but no one's buying. Niles: [sitting] Well, perhaps if you threw in a toaster. Charlotte: I just have to call Frank before we head out. Frasier: Oh, right. So everything's settled between the two of you? Charlotte: Oh, yeah. He came over last night, I don't even remember what we were fighting about. She walks back to the payphone as Frasier grumpily turns to Niles. Frasier: You know what THAT means, don't you? [sitting] They had a long night of acrobatic make-up s*x. Niles: I just thought of another way you could be the anti-Frank. Frasier glares for a moment, then gets a gleam in his eye. Frasier: Niles. Niles: Mmm? Frasier: Keep an eye out for her, will you? Niles: What are you doing? Frasier: Research. Frasier opens Charlotte's purse and begins looking through it. Niles: Frasier, Frasier? Foul play! Frasier: Yes, all is fair in love and war. That's interesting. An anthology of Irish plays. Perfect! Niles: What do you know about Irish plays? Frasier: Nothing. But not for long. There's one area where no man has ever bested me, Niles: homework! Charlotte comes back and Frasier gets to his feet. Frasier: Charlotte, listen, I was just beeped by a patient who's desperate to see me, so do you mind if we just switch lunch for dinner? Charlotte: Actually, that's better for me. I have four new clients coming in. Just think: the woman of your dreams may be sitting in my office this afternoon. Frasier: Indeed she may. Frasier smiles, then turns and hurries out. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 2 - A Restaurant Fade in. Frasier hurries up to the Maitre D', Georges. Georges: Ah, Monsieur, so nice to see you again. Your special table is ready for you. Frasier: And the wine? Georges: As you requested, monsieur. Frasier: Right. And the roses? Georges: I'm so sorry, monsieur, I felt that the scent would distract from the wine's distinctive bouquet. Frasier: You forgot them, didn't you? Georges: Yes, forgive me. He hangs his head. Frasier: For God's sake, Georges. All right, send a busboy out to pick some wild flowers, please. Georges: Very good sir. He heads off as Charlotte comes in the front. Charlotte: Gee. You kinda sprinted ahead of me, there. Frasier: So sorry. I just wanted to make sure that we could get a table. Here, come and sit. Charlotte: This place is kinda fancy for a working dinner. Frasier: Yes, well, after the rigors of your camping trip with Frank, I thought you deserved a little elegance. Charlotte: Thank you. [She gets her notebook.] So, good news: I met this great woman today. How do you feel about dating someone a little taller than you? Frasier pours the wine. Frasier: How much taller? Charlotte: I don't know exactly, but I did have to turn off the ceiling fan. Frasier: Well, let's just put her in the maybe pile, shall we? Frank comes in and over to the table. Frank: Hi, sweetie. Charlotte: Hi. Frank: Sorry to interrupt. I know you're working. Charlotte: Frank, you know Frasier. Frank: Yes. Frasier: Yes, yes, good to see you, Frank. Frank: I just need the key to your apartment. I left my blue field notebook there and I want to double-check some whale songs I copied down. Charlotte: Oh, sure. Frank: We were in a boat all day, recording whale songs. I think we may have had a really big interpretive breakthrough. Frasier: Oh, you should tell us about it sometime. Frank: That's a great wine. Can I steal a glass? Charlotte: Yeah, here. [to Frasier] You don't mind, do you? Frank sits. Frasier: No, no, not at all. Although as the Irish say: "A man takes a drink, the drink takes a drink, the drink takes the man." Frank: That's very good. "As the old cock crows, the young cock learns." Frasier: Yes, well, wasn't it O'Casey who once wrote: "The Irish treat a serious thing as a joke, and a joke as a serious thing."? Charlotte: You'd really have to ask Frank about that. He's the one who loves Irish literature. He lent me an anthology, but I haven't made much of a dent in it. I'm sorry, honey, I'm trying. Frank: I know you are, baby. He kisses her cheek as Georges brings a vase of wild flowers to the table. Georges: Your flowers as requested, monsieur. [noticing Frank] I'm sorry, I thought you were to be deux. Frasier: Yes, well now we are trois. Thank you, Georges, could you bring us another glass, please. Georges: [knowingly] Yes, I understand, monsieur. It is most sophisticated of you. He walks off. Charlotte: Frasier, you ordered these flowers? Frasier: Well, the table just looked so bare. Frank: These are great choices, man. These are Washington wild flowers, remember from our hike? Foxglove, fine toothed penstemon, harsh paintbrush. Ah, remember this one? Charlotte: Oh, it's on the tip of my tongue... Frank: Monkey-flower. Charlotte: Monkey-flower! Frasier: Yes, often confused with the chimp-pansy. They all laugh. Charlotte: Frank made the same joke this morning. Frasier: Oh. Frank: Great minds. Frasier: Yes, yes. George brings the menus, Frasier speaks to him in French. Frasier: Just two menus, Georges. This fellow is only staying for a drink. Frank: [in French] No, no. I'll take a menu. We're having fun. And to tell you the truth, I'm starving. Frasier: Oh, terrific. As Frasier glares at his menu in frustration, the word "Merde" appears in the subtitles. [N.B. Georges is meant to be French, but if you listen carefully you hear a hint of a Cockney accent.] [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Niles and Daphne are on the couch. Martin opens the front door for Roz. Martin: Hi, how ya doin'? Roz: Hi. Hey, look at you, Mr. Handsome. Martin: Thanks. I'm gonna go hear Ronee sing at the Rendezvous. And then afterwards I am going to give her her engagement ring. He shows it off with a flourish and Daphne takes the box. Daphne: Oh, Martin, it's beautiful. Roz: She's gonna love this. Martin: Thanks. I forgot I had it. I bought it years ago for Sherry, but then we broke up. Daphne: You can't give Ronee a used ring! Martin: Sherry never touched it. Roz: Well, it doesn't matter. Ronee deserves something you picked out just for her. Martin: Well, she'll think I picked this out just for her. Daphne: But you didn't. Martin: But she'll think I did. Daphne: But you didn't. You'll have to sell that and buy Ronee a new one. Martin: Oh, what's the difference? Niles, come on, back me up here. Niles: You can't be serious! Martin: Oh, geez. He heads for his room. Martin: Fine, back in the vault. Daphne: Some vault. It's an old cigar box with a bunch of silver dollars and Eddie's baby teeth. [N.B. See [5.11], "Ain't Nobody's Business If 'I Do.'"] Frasier comes in from his room and grabs his jacket. Frasier: Oh, hey, Roz. What are you doing here? Roz: Oh, hi. I was just shopping around the corner, thought I'd stop by. Frasier: Oh, gosh, well unfortunately I have a date. Roz: That's okay, I have one myself. With Steve. Frasier: Oh, yes, your convict friend. Do you think that's wise? Roz: The man made one mistake. Besides, I don't know any guy who's not a little fascinated by fire. Frasier: Yes, and a felon now knows where you live. Roz: I'm not a total idiot. Her cell phone rings and she answers it. Roz: Hello? Oh, yeah, hi, Steve. I'm grabbin' my coat, I'll be right down. She walks past an outraged Frasier to the door. Frasier: You...?! She leaves. Niles: So, you have a date tonight. Frasier: Yes, yes, actually Charlotte and I have been out three times this week. We've been wine tasting, beach-combing, and we actually shared a blanket in a horse-drawn carriage. Daphne: I take it Frank's off in the mountains again? Frasier: Oh, no, he was there, too. Martin comes back out. Martin: Let's go. The others get up. Niles: You mean, it's been the three of you all week? Frasier: Well, it's not exactly how I wanted, but the more time I spend with them, the less time they spend alone together. They follow Martin out the door. Daphne: It doesn't bother Frank, you tagging along on their dates? Frasier: Frank? No. In fact, he's quite taken with me. It doesn't even occur to him that I might be a rival. Galling, yes, but it does give me more time to work my magic on Charlotte. CUT TO: the hallway as they wait for the elevator. Frasier: In another week, you can kiss Frank goodbye. The elevator opens to reveal Frank and Charlotte in a passionate embrace. Niles: Maybe we'll wait until there's not a line. Frank and Charlotte come off the elevator. Frank: Hi, guys. Niles: Hello. CUT TO: the living room as he passes Frasier in the doorway. Frank: Gangsta! Frasier: What it is. Charlotte comes in as Frank plops down on the couch. Frasier: So, uh, what's going on? I thought we were meeting downtown. Charlotte: I know, I'm sorry, but can we stay in tonight? I've got to get up early and catch a flight to Chicago for some divorce stuff, and Frank's beat. She sits next to him. Frank: Yeah, I was at the beach all day cataloging the stomach contents of a dead elephant seal. It was like all you can eat down at the Lobster Pot. I'm sorry, the collapse of our coastal fisheries is no joke. I'm just punchy. Charlotte: We brought some movies. We couldn't agree on which one to watch, so you break the tie. She holds out the DVDs and Frasier sits on the coffee table to look at them. Frasier: Hmm... "The Perfect Storm" or "When Harry Met Sally." I guess I'm going to have to go for "When Harry Met Sally." Frank: YES! He'll have what I'm havin'! Frasier just shrugs with his "I can't win" expression. [SCENE_BREAK] MENAGE A HUH? Scene 4 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Charlotte is waiting in the hallway. When the elevator opens, Martin and Ronee get off. They notice that Charlotte's hair is unkempt. Charlotte: Oh, hi. We keep passing each other. Martin: Yeah. We got some dessert here, if you wanna stay. Charlotte: Oh, no thanks. I've got to catch an early flight, but tell Frasier I'll call him? Martin: Sure. Bye. Charlotte: Bye-bye. The elevator closes. Ronee: Do I know her? He unlocks the door. Martin: Yeah, she's the woman Frasier's been after. She has a boyfriend already, but maybe somethin' happened. Ronee: I'll say. You don't get that hair-style sitting up. CUT TO: the living room as they come in and Martin turns on the light. Frasier is asleep on the couch, Frank is asleep and curled against his shoulder. Martin: Oh, geez! He heads off to his room. Ronee: Well, so long as he's happy. [SCENE_BREAK] End of Act 1 Act 2 LORD OF THE RING Scene 1 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. The doorbell rings and Martin answers. It is Niles and Daphne. Martin: Oh, hi guys. Niles: Hey, Dad. Frasier: Hey, Daphne, Niles. Listen, the opera tickets are right there by the phone. Wish I could use them myself. Daphne sits down, Niles hangs up his coat. Niles: You know, if you'd gotten a third, you could take that couple you're dating. Frasier: Yes, that's very droll. Frank injured himself on our hike, so I've got Charlotte all to myself this evening. I'm not going to waste this opportunity. I'm going to make her a romantic dinner and then tell her how I feel about her. Martin: Wow, really? Niles: Are you sure she's ready for that? Frasier: Well, I don't know, but I can't stand this ridiculous threesome anymore. You know, the worst part is how completely unthreatening Frank finds me. As if I'm some sort of a harem eunuch. He grabs some bags and his keys and gets ready to leave. Daphne: How'd he hurt himself, anyway? Frasier: Well, he strained his back carrying me over a brook. Niles: You wounded him and you're stealing his woman in the same day? Frasier: Well, I didn't ask the man to carry me! He simply hoisted me over his shoulder before I could stop him. That's not something you get used to, no matter how many times it happens. Martin: Don't you worry about it. You just do what you gotta do. Frasier: Thanks, Dad. Wish me luck. I'm making her beef bourguignon from a new recipe. All: Good luck. Niles: Flour the beef. Frasier takes spirit from this, then closes the door behind him. Daphne: You're looking very sharp. Martin: [getting up] Oh, I got the new ring. Daphne gets up and Niles crowds in. Daphne: Oh, let's have a look. Martin: I sold the old one and got this new one this morning. Daphne opens the box and Niles reels back a little. Niles: Dad, it's huge. Daphne: Oh, it's beautiful, Martin. Martin: Yeah. Ronee comes in the front. Ronee: Hi. Martin: Hey. Ronee: What's goin' on? Martin: Nothin'. Oh, you look lovely tonight. But you know, I think your hand is kinda underdressed. He holds the ring out to Ronee who takes it excitedly. Ronee: Oh, my God! Marty, it's gorgeous. I love it and I love you, in that order. She hugs him. Ronee: Oh, thank you. Listen, I've got to go wash my hands. I was eating Cheetos all the way over. Martin: I love this lady. Ronee hurries off, Daphne takes the ring again. Daphne: Oh, let's have a look. Oh, it's brilliant. Oh, you had it inscribed! Martin: I did? Niles: "Lil' Cupid. Til Def Do Us Part." What is that? Martin: Let me see that. Daphne: Isn't "Lil' Cupid" that obese rapper? The one they arrested for drugs? Niles: Where did you get this ring? Martin: At an auction! [off their looks] A police auction. Niles: You can't give that to her! Martin: Well I can't take it back, she loves it. Daphne: Well, what are you going to tell her? Martin: Well, just relax, I'll handle it. Ronee comes back in. Martin: Well, there's my lil' cupid. All beautiful and clean. All you need is a bow and arrow, Lil' Cupid. Ronee: Why are you calling me that? Martin: I always call you that. Ronee: No, no you don't. Martin: Well, uh, maybe I mostly say it when you're not around. He looks at Niles and puts the ring on her finger. Niles: Oh, yes. It's always "Lil' Cupid said this." or "Lil' Cupid did that." Daphne: It looks beautiful on you. Ronee: Thank you. Martin: Now, promise me you'll never take it off, Lil' Cupid. Ronee: Okay, okay. I promise if you'll stop calling me that. Martin: Deal. They kiss. Ronee: I'm gonna go look at this in the mirror. She goes to the powder room. Daphne: How did you get it to fit her? Lil' Cupid's as big as a house. Martin: Keep your voice down. It was a toe ring. He smugly sits back in his chair with a beer. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 2 - Charlotte's Apartment Fade in. Charlotte is sitting at her table, Frasier comes in with two plates. Frasier: Here we are. Beef bourguignon with sautéed fiddlehead ferns and walnut chutney. Charlotte: It's exactly what I need after the day I've had. Frasier: Well, maybe I could give you a neck rub while it cools. He starts giving her a massage. Charlotte: Oh... oh, you're the best. You know, I am so sorry you've had to put up with all this business with me and Frank. Frasier: What business? Charlotte: Well, you know, all this tension between us. Frasier: There's tension? Charlotte: He's a great guy, we just seem to be... I don't know... Frasier: Fighting? Growing apart? Not clicking? There is a knock at the door. Frank: Darling. Charlotte gets up quickly, snagging her hair. Frasier: Oh, gosh, I'm sorry, it's my watch. It's caught. Charlotte: Oh, got it? She turns around in his arms, while he reaches up and tries to release her hair. Frank comes in while they're in this compromising position. Frank: Shoulda known. The minute I'm laid up, you're over here making my lady dinner. You're true blue, buddy. He walks over and kisses Charlotte on the cheek. Frank: Hi, baby. Charlotte: Hello, Frank. He snatches a bite from Frasier's plate. Frank: Mmm, walnut chutney, that's daring. Frasier finally gets untangled and helps Charlotte to her seat. Frank: Were you giving her a back rub? Frasier: Uh, was I? Yes, I suppose I was, yes. Frank: Would you mind doing me? I took an aspirin after the hike, and my neck's still a little tight. Frasier starts massaging Frank's shoulders. Frank: So, tell me all about Chicago. How was it? Charlotte: I'll tell you later. Frank: Oh, that's nice. Charlotte: Frasier, stop rubbing his neck. Sit down. Frasier does. Frank: Why can't he rub my neck? Charlotte: Because when you came in, we were just sitting down to dinner. You could've called first. Frank: Well, I didn't know I needed to get clearance. Geez, you're as touchy as a hermit thrush. Charlotte: This is typical of you. You come in here, you expect me to change my plans because you're suddenly available. It's insensitive. Frank: Oh, I'M insensitive. I've been tracking a pod of humpback whales for a week and they've been talking their asses off, but have you once asked me what Bonnie has to say? Or Robert? Or Grace? Charlotte: They're WHALES! Frank: They're my friends! Charlotte: Stop yelling. You're upsetting Frasier. Frank: I didn't do anything. I came in here, kissed you hello, and you jumped down my throat. What the hell is your problem? Charlotte: You are! You are driving me crazy! Frank: Do you believe her? Charlotte: Don't you drag him into this! Oh, you know what, I can't deal with this tonight. She gets up. Frank: Well, when can you deal with it? I'll call ahead and make an appointment. Charlotte: I think you should leave. Frank: Fine! He gets up. Frank: Come on, Frasier, let's go. He heads for the door while Charlotte heads for the bathroom. Frasier just looks confused. Frank: Times like this, a guy really needs his buddy. Giving up, Frasier tosses down his napkin and follows Frank out. DISSOLVE TO: later. Charlotte is on the couch, slumped down and drinking wine. Frasier knocks on the door and comes in. Frasier: Hi. Just wanted to see how you're doing. Charlotte: Tip-top. How's your friend? Frasier: He went someplace dark. I couldn't follow. He sits down next to her. Charlotte: Him and his moods. Frasier: No, no, he climbed some kind of pine tree. Charlotte: Look, I'm, I'm sorry about all that. I think this is it for Frank and me. Frasier: Really? Charlotte: It's just not working. I think I was always attracted to the idea of him more than him. Frasier: This may seem inappropriate, but I'm not entirely sad to hear you say that. Charlotte: What do you mean? Frasier: I would think my feelings were obvious by now. All the time we've been spending together. Charlotte sits up and puts down her glass. Charlotte: I just thought it was because you were hitting it off with Frank. Frasier: Are you kidding? The man smells like a chum boat. You, you're the one I wanted to be with. Look, uh, I realize you're in a vulnerable state and you probably need some time to process this, so I'll just, uh... He gets up. Charlotte: Don't go. I've been thinking a little about you, too. Frasier: Really? He sits back down. Frasier: Well, then. He leans over and kisses her, laying her back on the couch. Charlotte: Oh, God, I'm uncomfortable. Frasier: I'm sorry, I'm rushing things. Charlotte: No, no, it's just I'm lying on a wine bottle. She puts it aside and they start kissing again. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3 - Charlotte's Apartment Fade in. Charlotte is in bed, rain can be heard outside. Frasier comes in with two mugs. Frasier: Good morning. Charlotte sits up with a worried look on her face. Charlotte: Oh, dear God, please tell me nothing happened last night. Frasier is dumbstruck. Charlotte: I'm kidding! I'm kidding! Frasier, relieved, sits on the bed and gives her a kiss. She takes one of the mugs. Charlotte: I'm glad you stayed. Frasier: Me too. Frank comes in the front door, wearing a bandage. Frank: Hey, guys. You're in my robe. Guess you got caught in the rain, too, huh? Frasier: Yes, I did. Frank sits on the edge of the bed. Frasier: What happened to your hand? Frank: Ah, I was so mad last night, I punched a raccoon. God, I'm a b*st*rd. You're a good guy to come check on her. Never understand why women don't like you. [to Charlotte] Can we talk? Charlotte: Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Frasier: My clothes should be dry by now. He grabs them from the floor beside the bed and hurries to the bathroom. Charlotte puts on her robe and Frank gets up. Frank: So, what's goin' on with us? Charlotte: Oh, come on Frank. I think you know it's not working. Frank: Yeah. Charlotte: And, anyway, there's something else you should know. When I was in Chicago, my ex told me he's moving to New York. So, I bought the old business from him. I'm moving back home. She sits down on the couch, Frank sits down next to her. Frank: You sure about this? Charlotte: Yeah. I mean, I know Chicago, I have friends there. Seattle just hasn't panned out for me. I thought you should be the first to know. Frank: Well, I know you'll do great. Charlotte: So will you. Frasier comes out of the bathroom. Frasier: Uh, I should be going. Frank and Charlotte stand up. Frank: That's okay. You stay, I'm goin'. He walks over and hugs Frasier. Frank: You know this isn't your fault, right partner? You be good, buddy. He leaves. Frasier: I know I should feel sad for Frank, but I can't help feeling happy. Charlotte: Frasier, I... He kisses her quickly. Frasier: Listen, I'm late for about three things, so can I see you later this afternoon? Maybe after my show? Charlotte: Okay, after your show. Frasier: Perfect. Look, I hate to jinx this, but I'm so glad about what happened. He kisses her again and leaves. She slowly sits back down, a worried look on her face. [SCENE_BREAK] End of Act 2 [SCENE_BREAK] Martin and Ronee are eating at Georges' restaurant. Ronee shows him her ring and he's impressed while Martin proudly looks on. Lil' Cupid, the rapper, comes in with his date and Georges leads them to a table. Passing by, he notices Ronee's ring and comments on it. Martin quickly covers her hand with his and stares him off.

Frasier plans to work his charms on Charlotte to tempt her away from Frank ( Aaron Eckhart ), so he invites her for what she assumes to be a working dinner at a high-quality restaurant. For him, Frank also turns up. This becomes the first of several occasions on which Frasier ends up spending time with Charlotte and Frank, and at no point does Frank suspect that his intentions are less than honorable; on the contrary, he thinks of Frasier as a real friend. There is, however, tension between him and Charlotte, and matters come to a head one evening when Frasier has cooked dinner for Charlotte and Frank turns up unannounced. The couple have an argument and Frank walks out, leaving Frasier with just the opportunity he was hoping for. Martin plans to give Ronee her engagement ring, but when Daphne and Roz discover that it is the same ring he planned to give to Sherry , they insist that he sell it and buy one especially for Ronee. This he does, and the new ring is very impressive, but its origins are somewhat unexpected.

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DRAGONFIRE PART TWO Run time: 24:40 [SCENE_BREAK] Lower level [SCENE_BREAK] Mel: Hang on, are you sure this is the right way? Ace: Course I'm sure. Don't you trust me? Mel: I don't know. What with the dragon and all that. Ace: The dragon. It's just something to frighten little children with. It's like witches and goblins. There ain't no such thing. Ace: Wicked! Mel: Get down! Ace: That's not a real dragon. That was a laser beam. Mel: Look out! [SCENE_BREAK] Ice cliff [SCENE_BREAK] Glitz: It's no use, Doctor. I've located the Ice Garden but there's a distinct absence of dragon or treasure. The Doctor: Glitz, I sympathise with your disappointment, but I'm about to plummet to my death. Glitz: Oh, I suppose you want me to risk my neck and come and help you. The Doctor: Glitz! Glitz: All right, all right. Don't get your delicates in a twist. The Doctor: Glitz! [SCENE_BREAK] Refrigeration room [SCENE_BREAK] Kane: Belazs, you astound me. Those two girls should have been searched when they were arrested. You seem to be taking advantage of my former feelings for you. Be warned, the past is an empty slate. I demand absolute loyalty now and forever, and I don't forgive those who betray me. The girls must be stopped before they reach Glitz and the Doctor. They must be eradicated. Kane: What could be more appropriate than to despatch some of Glitz's former crew after the girls. He betrayed his crew, now they can have their revenge. Everyone should be allowed his moment of revenge. [SCENE_BREAK] Base of the Ice cliff [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: I say, thank you. Glitz: It's no use, Doctor. Even if we did find the treasure, it'd take us longer than seventy two hours, and Belazs said if I didn't return Kane's money within seventy two hours they'd confiscate my spacecraft. The Doctor: Why don't you explain the problem to him? Glitz: Oh, he'd slice his own mother up to make a point. If he was a mortician, the corpses would keep their eyes open. The Doctor: Ah. Glitz: In fact, if Kane knew we were after the... [SCENE_BREAK] Refrigeration room [SCENE_BREAK] Glitz (O.C.): Dragon's treasure, your life expectancy wouldn't be looking too clever at the moment. He's a cold man, Doctor. Cut him open and you won't find a heart, just a lump of ice. [SCENE_BREAK] Base of the Ice cliff [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: These types never have any sense of fair play. Glitz: Exactly. Which is why I've come to the conclusion that play it by the rules is a mug's game. I have decided to hijack the Nosferatu. Which is where you come in, Doctor. The Doctor: Ah, hang on there a minute, Glitz. I'm engaged in a project of scientific curiosity. I mean, that dragon, or whatever it may turn out to be, could be an undiscovered species. Glitz: Look, I'll do you a good deal. You help me get the Nosferatu back, and I'll give you the treasure map so's you and Mel can go looking for this dragon. I can't say fairer than that, can I? The Doctor: You have me there, Glitz. Without the map, I'll never find the creature. Glitz: You're a man of insight and logic, Doctor. The Doctor: All right, then. Where's the Nosferatu berthed? [SCENE_BREAK] Refrigeration room [SCENE_BREAK] Glitz (O.C.): In the lower docking bay. [SCENE_BREAK] Restricted zone [SCENE_BREAK] Kane: A work of artistry, my friend. Incandescent artistry. I could almost believe Xana lives again. A unique beauty, yes, but more than that, a criminal genius also. Oh, what a waste. It should have been I who was killed escaping arrest, not you. [SCENE_BREAK] Top of the Ice cliff [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: You're joking. I'm not going down there. Mel: Look, there's the Doctor's brolly. We must be on the right track. Ace: What did he have to come this way for? I could break my neck. Mel: How are we going to get down there? Ace: Hang on. [SCENE_BREAK] Lower docking bay [SCENE_BREAK] Glitz: There's only one guard. Do you think you can occupy him while I slip on board? The Doctor: I'll do my best. Glitz: Go on, then. Away you go. The Doctor: Excuse me. What's your attitude towards the nature of existence? For example, do you hold any strong theological opinions? Guard: I think you'll find most educated people regard mythical convictions as fundamentally animistic. The Doctor: I see. That's a very interesting concept. Guard: Personally, I find most experiences border on the existential. The Doctor: Well, how do you reconcile that with the empirical critical belief that experience is at the root of all phenomena? Guard: I think you'll find that a concept can be philosophically valid even if theologically meaningless. The Doctor: So, what you're saying is that before Plato existed, someone had to have the idea of Plato. Guard: Oh, you've no idea what a relief it is for me to have such a stimulating philosophical discussion. There are so few intellectuals about these days. Tell me, what do you think of the assertion that the semiotic thickness of a performed text varies according to the redundancy of auxiliary performance codes? The Doctor: Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] Nosferatu [SCENE_BREAK] Glitz: Ah, my ship. Soon be light years away from this place. Belazs: I wouldn't touch those controls if I were you. [SCENE_BREAK] Base of the Ice cliff [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: Wicked. And the bilge bag said this was too dangerous for girls. [SCENE_BREAK] Nosferatu [SCENE_BREAK] Belazs: This spacecraft is mine. Glitz: Hang on, the seventy two hours aren't up yet. You said if I could get hold of the grotzits I could have the Nosferatu back. Belazs: Then I shall just have to make sure you don't manage to find the money in time. I shall have to make very sure. The Doctor: Hello. Not interrupting anything, am I? Belazs: What are you doing here? The Doctor: That's a very difficult question. Why is everyone round here so preoccupied with metaphysics? Glitz: I think she's going to kill us, Doctor. The Doctor: Ah. An existentialist. Belazs: Quiet! Only one of us can leave Iceworld aboard the Nosferatu, and one way or the other it's going to be me. Glitz: What about the boss, Mister Kane? Does he know of your little enterprise? Belazs: Kane doesn't own me. The Doctor: Oh, I think he does. I think he bought you like he buys everything in Iceworld. Belazs: What would you know about it? The Doctor: I think he bought you a long time ago. He paid seventeen crowns for each of Glitz's crew. How much did he pay for you? Was it worth it? Were you worth it? Belazs: That's what I sold myself for, Kane's mark. I ought to cut my hand off for doing it. Belazs: Go on, then. Kill me! Glitz: Well, come on, Doctor. We've got the Nosferatu back. Let's get out of here. The Doctor: No, Glitz. You can't go on stealing everything you want, like this Stradivarius and that Dutch master. Pay Kane back his debt, even if it costs a thousand crowns, ten thousand crowns. Pay back the debt. And as for you, your debt to Kane, I don't think you'll be able to pay it off. Ever. [SCENE_BREAK] Restricted zone [SCENE_BREAK] Kane: The whole of eternity has held its breath for this moment. But no one must ever see your work. It exists, that is enough. No one can ever look upon your work and live. Gaze on it and die fulfilled. [SCENE_BREAK] Lower levels [SCENE_BREAK] Mel: What's the matter? Ace: Shush. Did you hear that? Mel: Hear what? Ace: I thought I heard something. Mel: Well, what kind of something? Ace: I don't know. Can you see anything? Mel: Look out! Ace: Run! The Doctor: I think we go straight on. Either that, or we don't. Glitz: Well, now that we've found the Dragonfire, what's next on your list of tourist attractions, Doctor? The Doctor: Well, I'm not absolutely certain this one's over yet. The Doctor: It must be generating a spot temperature in excess of fifteen hundred Celsius. Mel: Right, cover your ears. Ace: Ace! Yeah, good job. Throw the other one. Ace: Yeah, go for it, tiger. That was well brill. Mel: We're not in the clear yet. Ace: I don't believe it. Not after two cans of Nitro. Nothing can survive that. Come on, Mel, shift! Mel: Okay! Ace: Come on! Come on, wake up. Mel: Oh, what happened? Ace: It's all right, doughnut. He's gone. Glitz: Get back, Doctor. The Doctor: No, Glitz, don't. Glitz: Why? The Doctor: We've got no right to kill. Glitz: Why didn't it kill us? The Doctor: Perhaps we'd better ask it. [SCENE_BREAK] Refrigeration room [SCENE_BREAK] Kracauer: Can't sleep, Belazs? Belazs: How old do you think I am, Kracauer? Kracauer: Thirty three, thirty four? Belazs: And how old do you think I was when I first agreed to join Kane? Sixteen. That was a long time ago. Do you see this? Kracauer: Yes, the mark of the sovereign. Belazs: You'd have thought it would begin to disappear after twenty years. Kracauer: We sold ourselves. We knew what we were doing. We had a choice. Belazs: I was sixteen. Kracauer: Even at sixteen we had a choice. Belazs: He'll kill us. He'll find someone younger and he'll kill us unless we kill him first. Kracauer: How do you propose to do that? Belazs: With heat. Even here in Iceworld it's too warm for him. I've seen inside the restricted zone. That's where he keeps his refrigeration unit. He has to return there whenever his body temperature rises too high. [SCENE_BREAK] Lower levels [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: Do you want some coffee? Mel: Oh, thanks. Ace: Do you know what I did for a job when they threw me out of school? Mel: No. Ace: I worked as a waitress in a fast food cafe. Day in, day out, same boring routine. Some boring life. It was all wrong. It didn't feel like me that was doing it at all. I felt like I'd fallen from another planet and landed in this strange girl's body, but it wasn't me at all. I was meant to be somewhere else. Each night I'd walk home and I'd look up at the stars through the gaps in the clouds, and I tried to imagine where I really came from. I dreamed that one day everything would come right. I'd be carried off back home, back to my real mum and dad. Then it actually happened and I ended up here. Ended up working as a waitress again, only this time I couldn't dream about going nowhere else. There wasn't nowhere else to go. [SCENE_BREAK] Restricted zone [SCENE_BREAK] Kane: One day, when we return home, I shall erect colossal statues in your honour. Computer: Current ambient temperature minus ten Celsius. Target temperature minus a hundred and ninety three Celsius. Cabinet temperature dropping. [SCENE_BREAK] Lower levels [SCENE_BREAK] Ace: There's something I've never told anyone. Do you promise not to laugh, and not to tell no one? Mel: Of course. Ace: It's my name. It's not really Ace. My real name's Dorothy. That's how I knew they couldn't be my real mum and dad. My real mum and dad would never have given me a naff name like Dorothy. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] Restricted zone [SCENE_BREAK] Computer: Minus one hundred and fifty. Minus one hundred and sixty. Minus one hundred and seventy. Computer: Cabinet temperature rising. Minus one hundred and sixty. [SCENE_BREAK] Ice junction [SCENE_BREAK] Mel: Down there? Ace: I suppose so. The Doctor: Ah, Mel, you've brought my umbrella. Mel: Oh, Doctor! Ace: Professor! Bilge bag. Glitz: What's that? The Doctor: Now, now, stop this squabbling. There's no place for animosity on a serious scientific undertaking. Mel: Do you mean the dragon? The Doctor: Well, it's not so much a dragon as more of a semi-organic vertebrate with a highly developed cerebral cortex. Ace: And it's got laser beams in its eyes. It tried to kill us. Mel: Yes. The Doctor: Really? Well, I wonder what you did to annoy it? Ace: It just came at us, Professor. No warning. The Doctor: Really. Well, let's see what this vertebrate with laser beams has got to say for itself. The Doctor: Hello. Where might you have popped up from, then? Mel: He's been sent by Kane, Doctor. Ace: He's got masses of them frozen in his deep freeze. The Doctor: Cryogenesis, eh? Glitz: Hang about. I'd recognise that mutinous expression anywhere. Ace: Friend of yours, is he? Glitz: Pudovkin, old son, you've no idea how pleased I am to see you again. The Doctor: It's no good, Glitz. Ace says he's been cryogenically frozen. Glitz: What about the time we captured that space freighter loaded up with all that natural fruit alcohol. We got well dehydrated that night, didn't we? The Doctor: It's no use. Deep cryogenics freezes the neural pathways. Glitz: Oh, come on, old son. A joke's a joke. It's me, Sabalom Glitz. The Doctor: It's completely impossible for him to recall any events prior to cryogenesis. Pudovkin: I remember. The Doctor: Except in cases of overwhelming hatred or anger. Pudovkin: I remember how you always had the best of our pickings. Glitz: I don't recall. Pudovkin: I remember. I remember how you sold our entire crew to Kane to be frozen as mercenaries. Glitz: Oh now, come on, old son, don't go jumping to conclusions. Ace: I thought he was a friend of yours. Glitz: More of an acquaintance, actually. The Doctor: We don't mean you any harm. Do you understand? Mel: It's friendly. Ace: It wants us to go with it, Professor. The Doctor: Well, let's see what our new friend wants to show us, shall we? [SCENE_BREAK] Restricted zone [SCENE_BREAK] Computer: Warning, defrost threshold crossed. Cabinet temperature rising. Plus one Celsius. Plus two Celsius. Plus three Celsius. Computer: Plus four Celsius. Kane: What's happening? Can't breathe. Too warm. Kracauer, what is this? Kane: No, not my statue. No! Who has desecrated the monument? Who? Kane: Belazs. Computer: Target temperature minus a hundred and ninety three Celsius. Temperature dropping to zero Celsius. Minus ten Celsius. Minus twenty Celsius. [SCENE_BREAK] Singing Trees [SCENE_BREAK] Mel: This is beautiful, Doctor. Ace: Here, I can hear singing. Where's it coming from, Professor? The Doctor: I think he wants us to watch. Ace: What's he doing, Professor. The Doctor: Ah, so that's what this is all about, a polydimensional scanning imager. And I bet the creature's using itself as the energy source. Archivist: Planetary archives, criminal history segment ninety three twelve oh three. Two of the most vicious examples of the criminal mentality have been the leaders of the notorious Kane-Xana gang. Until its demise, this gang carried out systematic violence and extortion unequalled in its brutality. In view of the sheer evil of his crimes, Kane is to be exiled from the planet Proamon and never allowed to return home. He will be banished to the barren planet of Svartos, which has a permanently frozen dark side on which he can survive. [SCENE_BREAK] Refrigeration room [SCENE_BREAK] Kane: Ah, my dear Belazs. You know, I've been thinking. I've been thinking of your request to leave. You've been with me a long time now. I've grown very fond of you, but I've been thinking it over carefully and I've decided. You may leave me. Belazs: Leave? Kane: Whenever you wish. Go in fortune and happiness. Kane: You traitor. I've been planning my revenge for three thousand years. How can you stand in my way now I am so close? [SCENE_BREAK] Singing Trees [SCENE_BREAK] Archivist: Kane's partner, the woman Xana, killed herself during the final siege of the gang's headquarters to avoid being arrested and tried for her crimes. The Doctor: Fascinating. Mel: Well, that explains about Kane, but where does the creature come from? Glitz: And what about the fabulous treasure? Is this it? The Doctor: Oh, no, no. We might be deep beneath Iceworld, but Kane could find his way here easily enough. No, the treasure's got to be somewhere else, somewhere beyond Kane's reach. What does he fear most? Ace: Heat. It'll kill him. The Doctor: Precisely. And what better way of protecting the real treasure than to leave a fire-breathing dragon to guard it? What better protection than if the dragon is the treasure. Mel: The creature, the treasure? The Doctor: Am I right? Are you the one that everyone's looking for, treasure? Glitz: It must be worth a fortune. The Doctor: No, look past the gold and the gemstone, Glitz. Look at the fire inside. A source of intense optical energy. [SCENE_BREAK] Restricted zone [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor (O.C.): Look at it through Kane's eyes. See it as an evil mind would see it. Kane: At last. After three thousand years, the Dragonfire shall be mine.

The Doctor and Glitz meet the infamous dragon, which is really a biomechanoid. Meanwhile Kane turns on his allies, as he cannot trust anyone in his search for the dragonfire...

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_02x05

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_02x05_0

[EXT. LAS VEGAS (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. APARTMENT COMPLEX - HALLWAY - DAY] (The resident manager enters the darkened hallway of the apartment complex with two prospective renters, STEVE and NANCY.) Stu Evans: You'll like this apartment. My wife says it's the best of the lot. Now, the tenants moved out kind of quick so I don't normally show apartments before I've had a chance to look, so ... use your imagination. (He unlocks the door to apartment #103 and pushes it open for STEVE and NANCY to look at. They both step inside ... aghast at what they see. There's blood on the walls and on the floor.) Nancy: (to STEVE) Oh, my god. Call 911. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. APARTMENT #103 - DAY] (Camera close up of BRASS.) Brass: I worked in a slaughterhouse one summer. Looked a lot like this. (GRISSOM is also standing in the middle of the room. He's not looking at the walls, he's busy testing the blood.) Brass: (V.O.) The lease is in the name of Clifford Renteria. He lived here with his girlfriend till they snuck out in the middle of the night. Gee, I wonder why. Grissom: For all we know, this is animal blood. Brass: Yeah, sure. Deer, sheep, llama. Grissom: A deer hunter comes home from the mountains drunk decides to play butcher clean his kill. Chops his game up into oven-sized pieces for the winter. I mean, what does he care? He's renting. (GRISSOM drops a small sample of the mixture into the hand-held test and waits for the results. BRASS uses his flashlight and shines it on the test. Results of the test indicate that the victim was definitely "human".) Brass: Victim's human. Grissom: And a human has only eight pints of blood. So, whoever the victim is ... is now dead. HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER. ROLL TITLE CREDITS. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. APARTMENT -- DAY] (GRISSOM is looking through a small instrument used to measure the blood spatter.) (QUICK CGI through the end of the instrument, up to GRISSOM'S eye, fade back down to the end of the magnifying lens to measure the blood spatter where 1 DIV = 1 MM. 20X. Flash to white. Resume on GRISSOM looking at the blood on the wall.) Sara: (o.s.) Any uniformity in the spray? Grissom: Well, by and large, the average diameter is about one millimeter. Sara: Blood drops this size are characteristic of high-velocity impact like gunshot trauma but there's no bullet strikes on the walls ... ruling out murder by gun. Grissom: Just acquaint yourself, Sara. Don't interpret just yet, okay? (SARA continues to look around the room. WARRICK is busy spraying luminol on the entire floor. When he's finished, he puts the spray canister down.) Warrick: All right. Show time. (GRISSOM closes the shades disturbing a single fly which buzzes off. SARA, WARRICK and GRISSOM wait while the luminol begins to glow.) Sara: This looks like a multiple. More than one vic. Acquainting myself. Warrick: Check out these "voids." That's the real evidence. (From the top view of the room, the entire floor glows except for certain "voids".) Grissom: Couch? We've only got 30 seconds till this luminol disappears. (SARA starts taking pictures of the "voids" and anything else pertinent. GRISSOM kneels to get a better look at the "voids" where he's standing.) Grissom: Television, maybe? A magazine? Sara: Triangle ... coat rack? Warrick: Guys ... (Right where WARRICK is standing is an irregular shaped "void".) Grissom: What do you think that is? Warrick: Looks like it could be an electric saw. Grissom: High-velocity, small spray. (Close up on the "void" of the electric saw as it disappears ... ) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MOJAVE DESERT NEAR LAKE MEAD -- DAY] (On the other side of the power lines, the hills are on fire. A helicopter flying by drops water on the flames. The camera travels low along the ground and moves upward as the helicopter with red bucket passes by.) (In the background we hear radio static and various radio dispatch transmissions.) Radio Dispatcher: 76 ROMEO, approaching ETS 4-NINER-SIX. Pine Ridge Command: 76 ROMEO, you're right on it. 76 ROMEO: Pine ridge command, go to white fire three. Dozer tender 1441. Air attack 140. O.V. Tens on order. Report to willow springs. [SCENE_BREAK] (NICK and CATHERINE carrying their CSI kits, pass by a group of fire fighters to get to the crime scene.) Nick: Zero humidity, record highs. 'Tis the season. (They both meet up with DET. O'RILEY.) Catherine: Hi. Det. O'Riley: Hey. I don't even know where to start with this one. Take a look at that. A scuba diver ... up a tree. (True to form, there's a dead person in scuba gear stuck up in a tree. The CSIs, DET. O'RILEY and DAVID PHILLIPS all look up at the figure in astonishment.) Nick: Wow. Catherine: How the hell he'd got up there? (CATHERINE is holding yellow evidence markers in her hand and is looking on the ground for anything unusual.) Nick: He couldn't have climbed up there with all that crap on. Det. O'Riley: He got up there somehow. Nick: Well, you know ... Lake Mead is just over the hill and the copters are dropping water. (CATHERINE looks up at the helicopter and bucket whirring by. She turns to NICK.) Catherine: You're serious? (NICK smiles.) Catherine: That's a total urban legend. We're scientists, Nickie. No way that happened. Nick: (looking up) Okay. (Cut to CGI POV of a scuba diver in Lake Mead and a large red bucket being dropped into the lake. End of CGI POV. Resume on CATHERINE.) Catherine: And I suppose you believe in Santa? Nick: After today ... oh, yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. APARTMENT COMPLEX - HALLWAY JUST OUTSIDE APT #103 - DAY] Brass: When I said Cliff Renteria and his girlfriend skipped out in the middle of the night, I didn't have the whole story. Stu Evans: I haven't seen Alison in over a month. Brass: Any idea where she might be? Stu Evans: Renteria said she left town. Brass: So you noticed that she was gone? Stu Evans: I manage the complex. I notice everything. Grissom: Did you notice if Mr. Renteria left a forwarding address? Stu Evans: No. He just wrote the letter saying he was moving on. Listen, if you find him, you tell him he is not getting his deposit back, okay? The blood'll never come out. Grissom: Hopefully not. That's all the evidence we have. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MOJAVE DESERT NEAR LAKE MEAD -- DAY] (CATHERINE searches the grounds for evidence. A helicopter whirs (o.s.) overhead. CATHERINE finds something and puts evidence marker #1 next to the scuba diver's pressure gauge. The needle is frozen stuck. She takes pictures of the pressure gauge.) (Cut to NICK as he crouches low to the ground. CATHERINE approaches.) Nick: What do you make of that void? Green vegetation. Catherine: There's a consistent burn over this whole area. Nick: Except for that one spot. Catherine: Well, the chief said that the original fire was a class "C." Downed power line. Winds keep shifting hot spots breaking out all over. (NICK looks around and notices a burned cigarette butt and matchbook.) Nick: Well, well ... downed power line, huh? (He motions to CATHERINE. She looks at it.) Catherine: Good eye. (CATHERINE puts down evidence marker #3 next to the matchbook and snaps a photograph of it. NICK picks the matchbook up.) Nick: Matchbook time-delay device. Catherine: Don't touch it. It'll disintegrate. Nick: That's the only reason I carry this stuff. (NICK pulls out an aerosol can.) Catherine: Hair spray. Extra hold? (CGI POV Close up of Hair spray adhering to the burnt matchbook sticks, coating them.) Nick: The difference between walking and running. Guy lights a cigarette, sticks it in a matchbook takes a stroll. (CGI POV of a newly lit cigarette being wedged under the matchbook sticks. Flash to white. Close up of the matchbook and cigarette on the ground. Flash to white. Close up of fire consuming both the matchbook and the cigarette. Flash to white. Resume on NICK and CATHERINE.) Catherine: It buys an arsonist a five-minute head start. Nick: Mm-hmm. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MONACO RECEIVING -- DAY] (BRASS exits his car (Nevada license #IEP-353). He and GRISSOM approach CLIFFORD RENTERIA.) Brass: Monaco Receiving. Clifford Renteria, platform manager. Grissom: Gee, Brass, all in one shift. I'm impressed. Brass: Are you Clifford Renteria? Clifford Renteria: Cliff. Who are you? Brass: Las Vegas police. With the crime lab. Do you have any knowledge of the whereabouts of Alison Scott? Clifford Renteria: She's in Canada visiting her parents. Why? Grissom: We just came from your old apartment. We found some disturbing evidence there. Would you care to explain that? Clifford Renteria: Hey, he had it coming. I'll tell you that right now. Apartment stank, there were flies everywhere, no water. So I trashed the place. Brass: Who had it coming? Clifford Renteria: The apartment manager. The lazy b*st*rd. Serves him right. Grissom: Mr. Renteria, your apartment walls are covered in human blood. Are you aware of that? Clifford Renteria: Yeah. Grissom: Do you have an explanation? Clifford Renteria: It's my blood. Grissom: Your blood? Brass: You got a stigmata? Clifford Renteria: No. I get nosebleeds. Brass: Nosebleeds? Clifford Renteria: From Hepatitis C. I got blood to spare. My nose is like old faithful. Finally came in handy. Grissom: You expirated blood from your nose all over your apartment walls to get back at your manager? Clifford Renteria: Yeah. I hope I made his clean-up job hell. (A noise from behind him distracts CLIFF RENTERIA. He turns around and sees a worker.) Clifford Renteria: (to worker) That's not supposed to go anywhere. Brass: This guy blows ten quarts of blood from his nose onto his wall? You want to ask for a demonstration? Grissom: He's lying. Expirating from your nose would leave oval-shaped blood patterns. The ones we found in his apartment were V-shaped. Brass: Mr. Renteria. We're going to need a sample of your blood -- from your arm, not your nose -- and a visit to your new apartment. (CLIFFORD RENTERIA motions to the large truck #84438 behind them.) Clifford Renteria: That's home to me now. Been staying there about a week. Grissom: Well, may we see your furniture? Clifford Renteria: Sure. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. TRAILER] (From inside the truck, the back opens and we see all CLIFFORD RENTERIA'S worldly possessions crammed in the back of the trailer-truck.) (Camera cut to looking into the truck from the outside. We immediately see an electric saw in front of a large monitor-sized box with the label DM(TM) 604 S2.) Grissom: Electric saw. Clifford Renteria: Used to do some landscaping. Grissom: Interesting lamp. Grissom: Mr. Renteria, with your permission, I'd like to move some of your property to my lab for a closer inspection. Clifford Renteria: Hey, save me $250 a week truck rental. Keep it as long as you want. I'll sleep in the break room. Brass: That's after you come down and give us that blood sample. (The truck door closes to black.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] (Four people carrying various things walk by the glass lab wall. WARRICK walks into the lab carrying a large white box with the words "PROPERTY OF FIREARMS" written in black on the side. WARRICK is wearing a white jumper suit. SARA is also wearing the same type of white jumper suit.) Warrick: You check nosebleed's tools yet? Sara: No observable blood. Not even with pheno. Warrick: That's because he probably ditched them after using them on the victim. Now we've just got to figure out which one. (WARRICK puts the box down. It's filled with various types of electric saws.) Sara: How long did Firearms give us these for? Warrick: Twenty-four hours, then we've got to get them back. Clean. Sara: Let's do it. [SCENE_BREAK] (WARRICK zips up his white jumper, secures his gloves, turns the radio up.) (Cut to SARA zips up her white jumper. WARRICK puts on his head gear with goggles.) (Cut to SARA with her head goggles on mixes the paint they're going to use.) (Cut to WARRICK pouring the paint in a large plastic container that they'll be dipping the saws in.) (Cut to SARA dipping in a saw with a small round blade into red paint. Behind her, WARRICK is holding a different kind of saw.) (Cut to SARA holding the saw with paint against a clear pexi-glass board backing. She turns the saw on and lets the paint spatter onto the backing.) (Cut to Close up of a saw blade being dipped in paint.) (Cut to WARRICK holding the electric saw against a clear pexi-glass board backing. He turns the saw on and it spatters paint onto the backing.) (WARRICK and SARA repeat this test using the different saws in the box.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GREG'S LAB] (Close up on GREG.) Grissom: (o.s.) So? (GREG looks up and sees GRISSOM standing there. He didn't hear him enter.) Greg: DNA results, um ... sixteen samples from the apartment walls and the one we just took from the guy's arm. (GREG puts aside what he's working on, finds the file and hands it to GRISSOM. GRISSOM opens the file to review the findings.) Grissom: This cannot be right. Greg: Hey, I always double-check your stuff. But all the results are pointing one way. Grissom: What about the blood on the lamp? Greg: That is my next run. Just a little backlogged. Grissom: Well, get through it. (GRISSOM leaves. GREG sighs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- HALLWAY] (GRISSOM and BRASS walk through the hallway. GRISSOM is holding the file folder.) Brass: I thought you said the blood on those walls couldn't be his. Grissom: I also thought the metric system would catch on. Look, everything that starts with a faulty premise is bound to fail. I saw "V" patterns and I foolishly ruled out the nose. Clifford Renteria: I told you I had a condition, Hepatitis C. I was diagnosed when I was 18. Brass: And this relates to your magic nose, how? Grissom: Hepatitis C destroys the liver and a whole host of clotting functions. Cliff, indeed, has blood to spare. Clifford Renteria: Thanks for coming around to my side. Which way is out? Brass: Nobody released you. SHORT TIME CUT TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- INTERROGATION ROOM] Grissom: Mr. Renteria, I can't sign off on a case until I fully understand it. So, let me get this straight. You had a beef with your landlord and you decided to pay him back by blowing blood out of your nose all over the apartment walls. Is that about right? Cliff Renteria: Yeah. Grissom: A day? A week? A couple of months? How long did this take? Cliff Renteria: I don't know. About a month. Grissom: So, you get up in the morning, make coffee and go "I think I'll blow some blood on the kitchen wall today." Get out of the shower grab your towel, go "Hey, this looks like a nice spot to expirate a couple of pints." Cliff Renteria: It wasn't like that. Something would set me off. The disposal was backed up, no hot water, the toilet was broken ... I knew the landlord wasn't going to fix it. Grissom: So, you made your statement through your nose? Clifford Renteria: I wasn't getting anywhere with words. Look, if it'll get me out of here any quicker, I'll show you. (BRASS and GRISSOM sit back in their seats. CLIFF RENTERIA stands up and looks around for the necessary materials. He picks up a sheet of newspaper and hangs it up on the blackboard behind him.) Clifford Renteria: Um ... it's really not that big a deal. (GRISSOM stands up and moves closer to where CLIFF is. CLIFF turns around.) Clifford Renteria: You might want to back up. (GRISSOM takes a small step backward and CLIFF takes a deep breath, holds a hand up to his nose and ... ) (OFF BRASS as we hear a loud spraying sound. BRASS has his head turned away and eyes sideways toward the test.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (Camera on the newspaper with CLIFF RENTERIA'S latest artwork hanging clipped to a board. The camera moves to show us that next to the newspaper sample, is a photograph of a blood spatter from the apartment wall with ruler measurement. Next to that is a photograph of one of the electric saw glass spatters. Next to that is a photograph of a plastic trash can with spatters on that.) Sara: (o.s.) Same high-velocity spray. Warrick: Same short "v" pattern, too. Sara: Didn't you say expirating through the nose made oval patterns? Grissom: Yeah, well ... as it turns out our guy stands very close to the wall and blows almost sideways. Warrick: This is on the real. You actually saw him do this? Grissom: Right through his Jimmy Durante. Ambidextrous, both nostrils. Sara: Great. Our big murderer's a nosebleed. (GREG enters holding a paper with test results. He hands it to GRISSOM.) Greg: Oh, not necessarily. Sample from the nosebleed's lamp. It's not his blood. And I don't know whose blood it is but the amelogenin came back with something pretty interesting: "XX." Warrick: Female blood. Greg: Mm-hmm. Sara: Our guy's girlfriend is still missing. Grissom: Two things which may have nothing to do with each other. Sara: Or everything. (Camera holds on GRISSOM'S look.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY ROOM] Catherine: So you got an ID on the scuba guy? Robbins: Jacques Cousteau. Kidding. Coroner's humor. But I'll tell you what I do know. He didn't die in that fire. No carboxyhemoglobin in his blood. Catherine: Means he didn't inhale any carbon monoxide. Robbins: Tells us he stopped breathing before the fire started. Guy was probably killed someplace else and dumped. Nick: Oh, he was dumped all right ... out of a chopper. Right, doctor? Robbins: Victim's injuries are inconsistent with a fall of that magnitude. No fracture of the pelvis no compression of the lumbar vertebrae no shortening of the body. Catherine: There goes your theory, Nick. Good try, though. So what was the cause of death? Robbins: His heart stopped beating. Nick: Heart attack ... consistent with being scooped out of Lake Mead. Robbins: The human heart beats in a four-beat rhythm like a fox-trot. The two atria contract, then the two ventricles. Ba-boom, ba-boom. Nick: So, what happened to this guy? Robbins: Commotio cordis. Cardiac concussion. The guy short-circuited. It's rare, but I've seen it. Couple of years ago a minor leaguer took a line drive to the chest. (CGI POV of a baseball hitting the center of a "Blaster's" jersey. Camera moves forward through the jersey and into the heart where it starts to beat irregularly. Flash to white. Resume to present.) Robbins: Interrupted the impulse to the heart turning it into a bag of worms. Fibrillation. Catherine: So, our scuba diver took one to the chest. Robbins: Definitely. Nick: He could've been clipped by the chopper's Bambi Bucket. Did you find anything between his toes? Like sand from ... Robbins: ... Lake Mead. Sorry, Nick. But I did find something between him and his wetsuit. Soap residue. Like he started to shower. Soaped up never soaped off. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (Close up of NICK taking a swab of the soap residue from the dive suit. He looks at the tip of the swab. Close up of swab with the residue on it. NICK notices as GREG stands in the doorway.) Nick: Something on your mind, Greg? Greg: No. I heard about your case. Sounds interesting. Nick: Yeah. You want to make yourself useful, drop this off at trace. (NICK hands the container with swab within to GREG. GREG looks at the suit.) Nick: Must be some kind of soap. Robbins got me halfway there. Greg: Bet it's liquid dishwashing soap. (GREG turns to leave and is nearly to the door with NICK stops him.) Nick: Yeah? State your source. Greg: Well, you know I used to do a little diving myself actually. Belize, Maui, Great Barrier Reef ... Okay, maybe I took that one a little too far. But the point is, that these rubber suits aren't very easy to put on. Neoprene and skin need a little romance to get together. And a capful of liquid soap works like a charm. Greg: So, you check this safety valve? Nick: Sealed closed. Greg: And what about the pressure gauge? Nick: Hose melted. Catherine found it at the base of the tree. Greg: It's 3,000 psi; that tank was full. Nick: Guess it's like anything pressurized. These things blow for one of two reasons: Too much air or too much heat. (NICK stops as it hits him. He looks at GREG. GREG looks back at NICK.) Nick: You just made yourself useful, my friend. Greg: (smiles) Yeah? Nick: Oh, yeah. Greg: How? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. APARTMENT -- HALLWAY] (GRISSOM and SARA return to the apartment complex. They're both carrying their CSI kits.) Sara: What are we looking for exactly? Grissom: Same thing we're always looking for evidence of a crime. Failing that, we'll have to release this apartment. Sara: What about Nosebleed's missing girlfriend? You heard Brass. [INT. APARTMENT #103] Sara: He got a-hold of Alison Scott's parents in Canada. They said she never arrived. They had no idea she was even going to see them. (They enter the apartment and put their kits down.) Sara: What if nose man blew blood all over these walls to cover up Alison Scott's blood? (GRISSOM considers the thought. He gets up and goes to the nearest wall. He scrapes the blood of a random sample.) Grissom: I don't see any evidence of that. Sara: You're not finding another layer of blood under there? Grissom: No. Sara: You don't think maybe he off'ed his girlfriend? (A fly buzzes by distracting GRISSOM. He looks up.) Grissom: How many flies do you count in this room? (They both focus their attention on the flies.) Sara: Fifteen ... give or take. Grissom: I counted four on my first walk-through. (GRISSOM notices the mess on the fridge. SARA notices the mess high on the walls.) Sara: Fly spots. Regurgitations. (GRISSOM pulls a chair out, stands on it and tests the fly spots. They come off on his finger.) Grissom: Fresh. Problem is flies don't feast on dry blood. Sara: Place is sealed, and they don't spontaneously generate. Grissom: So they're feeding on fresh blood. Could be a rodent, though, or bad garbage. Sara: Or it could be something higher up the food chain like Alison Scott. (Both SARA and GRISSOM start looking for a source.) Grissom: The preponderance of flies is in this room. Sara: They can egress a space less than .001 centimeters. (Standing back to back, they search the room for the most flies. SARA looks up and finds it.) Sara: Behind you. Vent. (Way up high near the ceiling, flies swam the vent grill. Camera holds on SARA and GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM] (CATHERINE enters the break room. She finds GREG there pouring himself a cup of coffee.) Catherine: Hey, coffee boy. Where's my DNA? Cigarette butt? Match book time-delay device? Hair spray? Any of this sound familiar? Greg: Bags under the eyes, coffee cups, stress face. Any of this look familiar? I'm working on it. Catherine: Did Grissom put his stuff in front of mine? Greg: No. I'm working on your case -- with Nick. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS] (CATHERINE exits the break room and walks down the hallway looking for NICK.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- CONTINUOUS] (Close up of NICK working on the oxygen tank. CATHERINE enters.) Catherine: I just talked with your partner. Working this case without me, huh? Nick: Hmm? Catherine: Greg Sanders? Nick: Let go my Greg-o. He's a CSI wannabe. Please. Check out the bottom of this tank. (NICK points to the tank.) Catherine: Fissure. Nick: We had a little explosion here. (NICK reaches to uncap the dropper from a bottle of acid nearby.) Catherine: That explains a lot. Acid etching. Not bad. Nick: Figure if I can get the serial number off the tank get on the horn with some surf shops track the renter through a credit card. Catherine: Pretty smart thinking there, partner. Nick: Well, we still haven't ID'd the vic, but ... it's worth a shot. Catherine: Okay, N-4-double oh-2, let's see what kind of lead you are. (Off the sound of a doorbell dinging, we ... ) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JERRY WALDEN'S APT HALLWAY] (The door opens and its CATHERINE and DET. O'RILEY.) Jerry Walden: Hi. Uh, whatever you're selling, I have no interest, okay. (JERRY WALDEN tries to close the door. DET. O'RILEY puts out an arm to stop him.) Det. O'Riley: Maybe you should find out what we're selling first. Catherine: I'm Catherine Willows, Las Vegas Crime Lab. Detective O'Riley. Is there a Jerry Walden lives here? Jerry Walden: You're looking at him. (CATHERINE looks at DET. O'RILEY.) Jerry Walden: What? Catherine: Are you missing a scuba tank? (The door closes and JERRY WALDEN unchains the door. The door reopens.) Jerry Walden: Come in. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JERRY WALDEN'S APARTMENT] Catherine: So, let me get this straight, Mr. Walden. You lent Bruce Skeller a spare tank. (He sighs.) Jerry Walden: Yeah. I just, I can't believe what you're telling me here. I mean, Bruce was an experienced diver. Catherine: Well, he didn't exactly dive in the water. Jerry Walden: Bruce and I were about to break ground on this project. Really meant a lot to him. Det. O'Riley: You guys were in business together? Jerry Walden: We've been best friends since we were kids. We used to build these forts together like our imaginary casino, you know? Now we were going to build the real thing. We partnered up with this big development company Adventures. I mean, we were ready to roll ... Catherine: Excuse me. You said that Mr. Skeller was an experienced diver. Why would he be borrowing a tank? Jerry Walden: Well, just because somebody's experienced doesn't make them any less of a freeloader. He was just down on his luck. But, as I say, we were like brothers. I mean, we shared everything. What was mine was his, what was his was mine. Det. O'Riley: But you just said he didn't have anything. Jerry Walden: Yeah, but he would've, you know. And I kept telling him that. I mean, that's what kept him going. And then this happened. (CATHERINE looks down on the hardwood floors and notices markings of something that's no longer there.) Catherine: There used to be something here. Jerry Walden: Oh, yeah, it's my coffee table. Catherine: Interesting furniture. What is that, ash wood? Jerry Walden: Yeah. Catherine: Is that what the coffee table was made out of? Jerry Walden: Made them out of the same piece of wood. Catherine: Where is the coffee table? Jerry Walden: Oh, I sent it out to get it refinished. The guy said it would be back in a week. (CATHERINE kneels to look at the markings and notices some splinters of wood on the floor.) Catherine: I, uh ... ... think it needed a little more than that. (She picks them up for a closer examination.) (JERRY WALDEN nods his head. Camera hold on CATHERINE looking back up at JERRY WALDEN.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. APARTMENT 103 - DAY] (There are more equipment in the apartment. Brighter lights. GRISSOM rests the vent grill on the chair. SARA kneels nearby. They both begin examining the vent cover.) Sara: Fly egg casings. (STU EVANS appears in the doorway.) Stu Evans: I thought I heard some banging around. You, uh, you find my tenant? Sara: You can contact Captain Brass for that information, sir. (SARA holds out a business card. The forensics personnel standing there takes it and gives it to STU EVANS.) (GRISSOM picks up a live beetle caught in the grill's webbing.) Sara: What do you got? Grissom: Either Paul or John. Sara: A very important beetle. Grissom: The most important. The Silphid Beetle typically feeds on decomposing human flesh. Sara: There's a dead body in here somewhere. Grissom: Mr. Evans ... could you get permission from the owner to let us break into these walls? Our original warrant didn't cover that. Stu Evans: Depends, how many walls and what for? Grissom: We can't divulge that but it may be ... all the walls. Stu Evans: In every room? Grissom: Yeah. Stu Evans: You CSI's going to pay for the replastering? Grissom: We don't do that. Sara: But you can submit a form to the city for reimbursement. Stu Evans: Yeah, I'm still waiting for my tax rebate. I don't even have to bother the owner with this. He's not going to let you bust out these walls. (STU EVANS leaves.) Sara: Now what? (GRISSOM holds out the container with the Silphid Beetle in it.) Grissom: DNA lab. I don't want to hear any rumors that Paul is dead. He may be the only chance we have of getting in these walls. HARD CUT TO BLACK. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] Warrick: We already know this beetle feeds only off of human blood, so why are we extracting its stomach contents? (WARRICK opens the container with the Silphid Bettle in it. He takes out the beetle and holds it down while SARA uses a small bore needle to get the sample out of the beetle.) Sara: Ahhh ... Not so. According to Grissom -- Mr. Bug Guy -- the silphid beetle will actually feed on any decomposing mammal. So we need to show human DNA or we are not going to get a warrant to break down those walls. Warrick: Well, I hope he got his grub before you grabbed him up. (SARA stands up and looks around.) Sara: Where's Greg? We need to get this processed. You know, I swear that guy has a second job somewhere else. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MOJAVE DESERT NEAR LAKE MEAD -- DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. UNDEVELOPED LAND NEAR LAKE MEAD -- DAY] (CATHERINE meets with PAUL NEWSOME, District Engineer, at the "Future Site of Adventures Hotel and Casino" as per the billboard in the background.) Paul Newsome: I'm, uh, all for being alone, but ... Catherine: Did you bring the file? Well, there goes the foreplay. Paul Newsome: It's in the car. I hope you appreciate that even as district engineer it wasn't easy getting you the original land deed. Catherine: Well, I know how you love a challenge. So, what'd the property sell for? Paul Newsome: Half a million bucks an acre. Is there anything else that you need to use me for? Catherine: Whoa. Excuse me? Paul Newsome: It's obvious that you're not here for me. You're here for yourself. So let's not waste each other's time, all right? The property was owned jointly by two men -- Jerry Walden and Bruce Skeller. At the time that they bought it, it was a steal -- fifty grand an acre. Two years later, Adventures Development come in, they start buying up the surrounding parcels. Your guys hold out, until last week and let me tell you, they got top dollar. Catherine: Hmm ... Capitalist's wet dream -- buy low, sell high. So they played it smart. Paul Newsome: Well, one of them did. From all I can tell Jerry Walden was selling to Adventures from the get-go but his partner ... well ... was a different deal altogether. He was a diehard environmentalist. A real tree-hugger. Catherine: You can say that again. Paul Newsome: He saw the writing on the wall. The urbanization of Lake Mead and he spent every cent he had trying to fight it. When it comes down to money versus the environment it's no big surprise who's going to win. So is there anything else that I can do for you? (CATHERINE kisses LEWIS, turns and walks away smiling.) Catherine: I'll see you. (Camera holds on PAUL NEWSOME.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] Ronnie Litre: This really frosts My lizard. I go out to the lake to get away from the casinos. Well, there goes jet-skiing. Catherine: What about the land deed, Ronnie? Ronnie Litre: Oh, what I can tell you about that is I'm impressed. If it is a forgery, it's a great forgery. Van Gogh. Nothing I can testify to. Catherine: What can you testify to? Ronnie Litre: Have you seen my VSC-4 machine? Catherine: No. (RONNIE motions for CATHERINE to follow him. They move further into the lab.) Ronnie Litre: The original copy of the land sale agreement, okay? Inks luminesce at different wavelengths. (Camera focuses on the original land deed document with the signatures of both sellers, JERRY WALDEN (dated 10/2/01) and BRUCE SKELLER and a third signature of the seller (also dated 10/2/01). The document is cast in a bluish light.) Ronnie Litre: At one wavelength the signature on the left disappears. (The document is cast in a greenish light and JERRY WALDEN'S signature and date disappear.) Ronnie Litre: At another wavelength the one on the right disappears. (The document is cast in a yellowish light and BRUCE SKELLER'S signature disappears. The document is cast in a red-colored light and both signatures disappear.) Catherine: Where'd it go? [CLOSED-CAPTION: RONNIE LITRE: I can bring it back.] (The document is cast in an orange-colored light and all signatures once again appear on the document.) Catherine: What does it mean? Ronnie Litre: Whatever you make of it. You've got a legal document. Two signatures -- notarized, the whole nine yards. The only thing I can tell you is your two guys used separate pens. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE] (Camera close up on GRISSOM staring at the Silphid Beetle on its back in the container on his desk. GREG enters.) Greg: Excuse me. Grissom: Yeah. Greg: Silphid beetle -- test for presence of human DNA. (An exhausted GREG hands GRISSOM the test results and sits down in the chair across his desk. GRISSOM reads the results, his face grim.) Grissom: Is this definitive? Greg: (nods) Yes, sir. (GRISSOM grabs his jacket and heads out the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LOCKER ROOM] (SARA and WARRICK are in the locker room. GRISSOM walks in holding a piece of paper.) Sara: Did we get our warrant? Grissom: The beetle was full of human DNA. Brass got us a judge. (WARRICK nods. He stands and grabs a large hammer.) Warrick: Let's go knock down some walls. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. APARTMENT COMPLEX - APT #103] (Close up of the hammer breaking through the wall. WARRICK, SARA and GRISSOM break through the wall only to find nothing but insulation.) Warrick: One wall down ... 15 to go. (BRASS enters the apartment with a blond-haired woman.) Brass: Sorry to interrupt your fun but I have someone here you might like to meet. Jimmy Durante's girlfriend. Sara: You're Alison Scott? Alison Scott: I see Cliff's been showing off again. It's one of the reasons I left him. Grissom: You left him? Alison Scott: I went back to my old boyfriend in Chicago. Grissom: Miss Scott, we found some blood on one of Cliff's lamps. Alison Scott: Stubbed my toe on that lamp ... like ... once a week. I begged Cliff not to buy that thing but he never listens. Grissom: Would you be amenable to providing us with a sample of your blood for comparison purposes? Alison Scott: Sure. But I'm telling you, that's my blood. Look, Cliff's ... well, he's a lot of things, but he's not a murderer. Grissom: Yeah, I still want a sample. Warrick, would you? Warrick: Uh ... yeah. (WARRICK, ALISON and BRASS leave the room. GRISSOM pulls his goggles off and sighs.) Grissom: You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Sara: (counters) A square of nine dots on paper and you can only draw four lines to connect them ... without the pen ever leaving the paper. (GRISSOM smiles grimly.) Grissom: Right. Think outside the box. (SARA smiles at GRISSOM and starts looking around satisfied that GRISSOM is thinking about possibilities and not dwelling on the situation. The camera focuses on GRISSOM as he considers his options. GRISSOM turns around and looks at the walls.) (Following GRISSOM'S gaze and his line of thought, the camera moves straight for the wall, through the walls of Apartment 103 and into the Apartment next door where ... ) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RESIDENT MANAGER'S APARTMENT - APT 101] ( ... the Resident Manager, STU EVANS, stands in front of his entertainment center. The doorbell rings.) (STU EVANS opens the door. SARA and GRISSOM are standing there.) Stu Evans: Yeah. What do you want now? Grissom: We need to take a look at your wall. (Camera holds on STU EVANS.) HARD CUT TO BLACK. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (CATHERINE walks down the hallway and passes by GREG'S lab. He looks up and sees CATHERINE.) Greg: Hey, yo, Cat ... (CATHERINE stops and turns around.) Catherine: I'm going to forget that you called me that. Greg: Sorry. Um, I've got a full profile on our -- "your" torch. I pulled his DNA off of a cigarette butt. Lucky for us, he's a wet-lipped smoker. (CATHERINE looks down at the results and nods.) Catherine: So, you've done your job. I got to go do mine. Greg: Just get me something we can compare it to. (She smiles and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB] Catherine: These ash wood splinters are from scuba guy's back? Nick: Mm-hmm. Embedded in his aconeus muscle. (Camera microscope view of the wood splinter.) Nick: After you paged, me I had Robbins comb his body. Catherine: They only get us something if they match Walden's ninja coffee table. Nick: It's your theory. (NICK puts the second sample under the microscope for CATHERINE to match. He steps aside while she works. Camera changes to microscope view of the two splinter pieces side by side.) Catherine: Radial chains align. Pores match. Two pieces of ash wood, one source. So, Walden and Skeller get into an argument probably over their land. (Quick Flashback to JERRY WALDEN arguing with BRUCE SKELLER. Jerry Walden: Buy yourself a hundred acres of rain forest, man! Cash in your end! Bruce Skeller: I'm not going to sell! (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Walden pushes Skeller he falls back onto the ash wood table. Nick: But that's not what killed Skeller. Robbins said he took a line drive to the chest. Catherine: Which escalates to a punch. (Quick Flashback to JERRY WALDEN and BRUCE SKELLER arguing. JERRY WALDEN punches BRUCE SKELLER in the center of his chest. BRUCE SKELLER falls backward onto the coffee table, breaking it. End of flashback.) Nick: (smiles) I'll call O'Reilly. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RESIDENT MANAGER'S APARTMENT #103] (SARA and GRISSOM are standing in the small apartment's kitchen.) Grissom: Scented candles, huh? Stu Evans: Food went rotten wanted to cover the smell. Sara: You've re-plastered this wall recently? Stu Evans: I had rain damage. Funneled down, wrecked a five-foot area. Sara: Huh. (GRISSOM takes the picture hanging on the wall down.) Grissom: You wouldn't mind if I, uh ... examined your vent, would you? (The door opens and BRASS walks in. He's holding a warrant.) Brass: You don't have to ask his permission. I got a new warrant that covers his apartment. (to STU EVANS) Your wife being missing put it over. Funny you didn't mention that before. (BRASS hands the warrant to STU EVANS who takes it and reads it. GRISSOM and SARA set up a small ladder that GRISSOM climbs to examine the vent.) Grissom: Did you know that your apartment shares heating ducts with the apartment next door? Stu Evans: Yeah, me and Cliff were always fighting about the temperature. So what? (GRISSOM turns back to look through the vent. The camera moves backward through the vent to reveal among other things, more flies than one can count, dust and a congregation of Silphid beetles.) Grissom: Sara? Sara: Yeah ... (GRISSOM gets down from the ladder and puts it away while SARA gets the hammer. Both she and GRISSOM start to rip the wall down.) Sara: Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. (SARA reaches into the hole in the wall and removes a white blanket.) Sara: Alklyd. There's blood on the blanket. Grissom: And Dermestidae Masculatus. Sara: That's Latin for "you're hiding a dead body". Brass: What's the matter? Didn't realize how bad a corpse can smell so you just decided to move it around the place? Grissom: You can tell us where the body is or we can, uh ... tear your place apart piece by piece. Whichever. (Camera holds on STU EVANS.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM] Lewis (Jerry Walden's lawyer): Look, you got squat. Jerry and Bruce signed with different pens. You found a cigarette butt at Lake Mead and wood chips on a tree-hugger. Bottom line, you got a dead guy up a tree and you don't know how he got there. Det. O'Riley: Hey, I'm just here to make the arrest. Lewis: For what? What have you got? Catherine: Plenty. Why don't we just start from the beginning. Bruce Skeller didn't die in any fire. He was killed at your house. (Quick flashback to JERRY WALDEN punching BRUCE SKELLER in the chest. Sound of BRUCE SKELLER taking the punch. End of flashback. Resume on CATHERINE.) Catherine: He didn't pick up any ash splinters from that forest. It's all Telarosa and Oak out there. Nick: You had a dead body. So, you decided to get creative. Fire season, wet suit, liquid soap. (Quick flashback to JERRY WALDEN applying dishwashing liquid soap to BRUCE SKELLER'S feet. End of Flashback. Resume on CATHERINE.) Catherine: You drove out to the lake, dumped the body ... (Quick flashback to JERRY WALDEN carrying BRUCE SKELLER'S fully geared body and putting it down on the ground by the light of his car. Cut to JERRY WALDEN putting the mouthpiece in BRUCE SKELLER'S mouth. End of flashback. Resume on CATHERINE.) Catherine: ... and lit up. (Quick flashback to match flare and cigarette in mouth being lit. Flash to white. End of flashback. Resume on CATHERINE.) Catherine: Not 'cause you wanted a cigarette. You lit up with a purpose. (Quick flashback to lit cigarette being placed inside a matchbook. JERRY WALDEN looking up. Flash to white. End of flashback. Resume on NICK.) Nick: This gave you a head start. My guess is around, what, five-minute mark. (Quick CGI POV of cigarette and matchbook combo catching on fire. Flash to white. Resume on CATHERINE.) Catherine: You figured the fire department would label it a hot spot -- relate it to the original fire and the body would just burn up. Lewis: Still doesn't explain how Bruce's body wound up in that tree. Jerry Walden: I didn't put him there. Nick: Actually ... you did. See, the thing you forgot about a scuba tank is it contains compressed air. Too much heat ... and kaboom. (Quick flashback to the air tank exploding and the body in scuba gear flying through the air in slow motion. As it descends, it gets caught in the tree's branches where it was eventually found. Flash to white. Resume on NICK.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS] (CATHERINE and NICK exit the interrogation room. CATHERINE smiles. NICK sighs.) Nick: Rocket Man. Catherine: Yeah. Got to love this job. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. RESIDENT MANAGER'S APARTMENT #101] (WARRICK and the rest of the Forensics team continue to tear down the walls of the Resident Manager's Apartment. WARRICK taps on the next wall he's going to knock through.) Warrick: I got a hollow section. Grissom: Let's open it up. (Using a hand-held box cutter, WARRICK cuts out a piece of the wall. He peels it open and out drops an ironing board.) Warrick: Damn. Are we in the wrong apartment again? Grissom: I don't know. I don't mind being wrong. I just don't think I am this time. Okay ... start on the floorboards. I'm going outside. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM exits the building and begins checking his pulse while keeping an eye on his wristwatch. He calculates his heart rate. He's breathing loudly and pacing the floor. He leans against the brick wall. Off screen, the glass doors open and SARA walks out.) Sara: You okay? Grissom: Ninety-five. Sara: Excuse me? Grissom: Normally my pulse is seventy. When it gets to 95, I realize how mad I am. I-I have ten people working around the clock on this thing. Sara: You're too hard on yourself. Grissom: No, no. I'm not mad at me. There's a body in there and that guy knows where it is! Sara: What's your pulse at now? (GRISSOM sighs and pushes his cap up over his forehead.) Sara: You want to take a walk around the block? Get some air? Grissom: (sighs) No. Sara: Clear your head ... Grissom: I'm fine. Sara: Okay. (GRISSOM has his eyes closed. SARA reaches out and wipes his cheek. A lingering move that surprises GRISSOM in it's intimacy. He looks at her. She meets his eyes. She shrugs.) Sara: Chalk ... from plaster. Grissom: Oh. (GRISSOM wipes his cheek and absently glances at the back of his hand. He looks at SARA. She meets his eyes for a moment then looks away.) Sara: (gently) Better go wash up. (SARA smiles and walks back in leaving GRISSOM behind. GRISSOM pulls his cap down and follows.) SHORT TIME CUT TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. APARTMENT #103 -- KITCHEN] (GRISSOM turns on the hot water. Nothing comes out but a few drops. He tries the cold water. It works fine. He closes the water and tries the hot water again. Nothing. GRISSOM ponders the possible connection.) Grissom: Hey, Brass. When did The Shnoz say he lost his hot water? Brass: He wasn't exact. Grissom: (to STU EVANS) You, uh, have no pressure for your hot water. Stu Evans: I got a plumber coming on Saturday. Grissom: Well, you know, my Uncle Herb was a plumber. I might be able to help. Where's your installation? Stu Evans: In the basement. But, really, I got a plumber coming. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. APARTMENT COMPLEX BASEMENT -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM turns on the light. The bulb blows.) Grissom: You got an electrician coming, too? (He turns on his flashlight and proceeds through the basement followed by BRASS and STU EVANS.) Grissom: A filtration system. It softens the water. Stu Evans: Yeah. Listen, you know, I got a guy on retainer. You don't have to do this. Grissom: Yeah, well, I'm non-union. (He looks up at the pipes.) Grissom: There's no disruption to the cold water line. Hot water line ... water runs through the filtration tanks first and the water heater second, right? Stu Evans: Yeah. Grissom: Why is it bypassed? You've cut off the water to the filtration tanks. Stu Evans: Something's wrong with that. I had no choice. (GRISSOM knocks on the tank. It sounds full.) Grissom: Brine tanks are usually hollow. Only got about eight inches of water at the bottom for the salt mixture. (He knocks on tank again. It definitely sounds full.) Grissom: Does that sound hollow to you? (GRISSOM lifts up the cover to the tank. BRASS reacts to the smell. Camera cuts to inside the tank where we find STU EVANS' wife, dead and covered with Silphid Beetles. Flash to white. Resume outside of tank.) Brass: Not enough candles in the world ... Stu Evans: She nagged me. (GRISSOM turns around to look at STU EVANS.) Grissom: (incredulous) She nagged you? (Camera holds on GRISSOM.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE] Sara: Hey, you want to grab some breakfast? Grissom: No, thanks. (GRISSOM opens the container with the Silphid Beetle in it.) Nick: Come on ... we always get better service when you're there. Grissom: I'm having breakfast with a friend of mine. (GRISSOM puts a piece of meat off of his plate into the container.) Nick: You're keeping him alive? Sara said you guys already solved the case. Grissom: He did. Nick: (nods) All right. (NICK and SARA leave. Camera holds on GRISSOM eating breakfast with his beetle.) (Camera pans back down the hall.)

Grissom, Sara and Warrick are called in to investigate an abandoned, blood-splattered apartment and Nick and Catherine must examine a dead scuba diver lodged in a tree. The team members are suspicious when the former tenant of the bloody apartment claims that his missing girlfriend is visiting her parents -- and the parents say she never showed up. Meanwhile, Nick and Catherine are called to the site of a large fire and are confronted with the scuba diver found dead in the top of a tree near Lake Mead. Is it a murder or an urban legend turned fact?

fd_The_100_07x01

fd_The_100_07x01_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] DELILAH: Sanctum was colonized by a team from Earth made up of families... the Primes. GABRIEL: Not everyone believes in the divinity of the Primes. RUSSELL: Children of Gabriel. Nonbelievers must be purified! WOMAN: Die, nonbelievers! CLARKE: No! RUSSELL: It will be your great honor to become one with Simone Prime. CLARKE: I tried to do better. And then I lost my mom. RAVEN: The Flame. We have to take it out. I'm not the Commander anymore. INDRA: Raven, Sheidheda. NIYLAH: Where did he go? GABRIEL: No one has ever come out of the Anomaly. - OCTAVIA: Hope. - HOPE: I'm so sorry, Octavia. - ECHO: Knife! - BELLAMY: No! Octavia! Octavia! [INDISTINCT CHATTER ON RADIO] Octavia! [SOBBING] Bellamy? Bellamy! - [GASP] - Whoa, whoa, easy. HOPE: Where am I? You're OK. Uh, Bellamy she's awake. Who are you? I was about to ask you the same. Octavia called you Hope. The name Diyoza chose for her unborn child. Diyoza? Octavia? You're, uh... you're hurt. Let me take a look. Let me see. [THUD] [COUGHING] Hope, wait! [GRUNTING] Bellamy! Echo! ECHO: We're not alone. Back inside. Watch the girl. She's already gone. Come on. We can still catch her. Something else came through. Welcome to the party. Where's Bellamy? It took him towards the Anomaly. No, no, no, no. Time's not behaving. We have to get to him first. Echo, you can't shoot what you can't see. Stop talking. I'm opening up a path. Follow me! [GUNFIRE] [DOG BARKING] MADI: Hello. You said I could start school today. Why are we here? I thought maybe you'd like to see our new home. Russell built it for Simone so she'd have a place that reminded her of the farm she grew up on, back on Earth, before the bombs. Picasso comes with it. We can keep her? Thank you, Clarke. [DOG BARKING] CLARKE: Let's go inside. MADI: Come on, girl. I don't know what I like less... lying about the Flame or making Madi pretend she's still Commander. Indra thinks it could split Wonkru. You don't agree? I do, and I know we need them unified to keep the peace here. Just... I worry about Madi. Yeah. For now, we keep it quiet. Indra can say that she speaks for heda. But Madi is out of it. She finally gets to be a kid. Come on. There are plenty of rooms for all of us. [INDISTINCT CHATTER OUTSIDE] INDRA: Heda. If you don't mind, you're needed elsewhere. - CLARKE: Where? - INDRA: We've been here a day, and Wonkru hasn't seen her. GAIA: Mother, don't be so dramatic. Go on, Madi. Eat your lunch. It's OK. Come on, girl. Let's go. [INDISTINCT CHATTER OUTSIDE] MAN: Hey, Madi. She seems OK. - INDRA: She is. - GAIA: She will be. GAIA: There's never been an ex-Commander before. We don't know how having the Flame removed will affect her. Not to mention being taken over by... Sheidheda's gone. Are we sure about that? He's gone. I didn't mean... I... I would just feel better if I knew where that code ended up, that's all. CLARKE: Ok. Then on your next supply run to the mothership, you can search the computer again. Meantime, we have to establish a routine. Not just for Madi but for all of us. Sanctum is broken, and it's our job to put it back together. If we focus on that, we'll be OK. Now let's eat so we can get back to work. One of us needs to represent the Commander. And I'm hungry. Mothers and daughters. I'm sorry. It's OK, Raven. I'm fine. [DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES] [INDISTINCT CHATTER] MAN: ♪ I got darkness on my mind ♪ ♪ so the question Mark, it keeps me looking... ♪ Her motor functions seem normal. CLARKE: Madi, come on. Let's eat. I want to show you your new room. OK. Come on, Picasso. MURPHY: I see you took the master suite. NIYLAH: To the victor go the spoils. We all share the clothes, though. EMORI: It's fine, Clarke. Our room is fine. A little tight, but we'll make it work. Maybe Daniel and Kaylee Prime should live in the palace. Daniel and Kaylee Prime saved your ass, Miller. But a thank you would do. EMORI: Speak for yourself. That palace is... INDRA: No one lives in the palace, least of all us. Being seen as conquerors will only make keeping the peace harder. Ahem. Our first meal in our new home. To absent friends. And departed ones - MILLER: To Abby. - ALL: To Abby. Hey! What the hell is your problem? I'm sorry, but I'm not just gonna sit here while he drinks to the woman that he got killed. I didn't know what Russell was gonna do. OK, I... Clarke, you have to believe me. I didn't know. I believe you. Dwelling on the past is not going to get this compound running. And it won't get our compound built. [BREATHING HEAVILY] What the... [GROANING LOUDLY] INDRA: The people of Sanctum have lost their way of life, but many still believe in the Primes. They blame us. Faith is a powerful thing. A dangerous thing. We can expect conflict between believers and nonbelievers. To make matters worse, the Children of Gabriel are here. Sanctum is their home, too. They want Russell Prime and anyone who believes in him dead. At the moment, they, too, are our allies. Add to that hardened criminals from Earth who Wonkru was at war with a few days ago, and I say we have our hands full being the keepers of the peace. At the point of a gun? Until we're sure all the guns are rounded up, Wonkru will be armed. MURPHY: An army of cannibal peacekeepers, huh? What could go wrong? Remind me again how long we gotta wait until our compound gets built. Two years if everything goes perfectly. MAN: Hey! Get away from there! So years. [INDISTINCT CHATTER] INDRA: All right. Stop staring. It's time to go to work. Heda. Go learn something, OK? Bodyguards? Yeah. But not so close and make sure they leave her alone. Copy that. Too many people. RAVEN: Good thing A.L.I.E.'s not around. There you are. Thank God. James, what is it? The reactor again? No. This is more explosive than that. NIKKI: What's the matter? Cat got your tongue? I'd love for you to say that again. TREY: Wait. Don't hurt him. Please. JORDAN: Trey, it's OK. I just meant this palace is sacred to them. I'm sure we can find you someplace else... Don't mind my wife. She's more bark than bite. Hmm. NELSON: This looks like fun. Criminals and fools. What seems to be the problem? HATCH: There's no problem. Me and my friends here, we're just looking for a place to lay our heads. You can't do it here. This unholy shrine is now controlled by the Children of Gabriel. TREY: Like hell it is. NELSON: Oh. Maybe you didn't hear, but your gods are dead and they are not coming back this time. Tell that to Russell Prime, null. I will. Right before we burn him at the stake. You think killing our god will get your parents to love you again? [NELSON AND TREY GRUNT] Now my money's on the guys with the guns. [DOORS OPEN, GUNS COCK] INDRA: Children of Gabriel, stand down, now. The other guns. Here comes the part where the convicts take the blame. CLARKE: Wrong. But when we woke you to clear the ground for our compound, you agreed to stay in tents. The palace is off limits. MILLER: That goes for the Children of Gabriel, too. OK. OK, yeah, that's... that's fine. We'll... we'll take your scraps for now. But if we're gonna do the work, then we're gonna hold you to the meaning of the words "our compound." Mm. Let's go. Jordan. You weren't at the farmhouse. We saved you a room. I'm OK above the tavern. Clarke, these people want to see Russell. INDRA: Out of the question. NELSON: I told you, you'll see him when he burns. Maybe take a log off the fire. No one is burning at the stake. Not anymore. Then what's being done with him? We haven't figured that out yet. But he's being well cared for. We can't just take your word for that. You're talking about the man who killed her mother. I suggest you say thank you and be on your way. Indra, it's OK. Look, you seem to get on just fine with Jordan. If you won't take my word for it, how about you take his? [DOOR OPENS] JORDAN: I know what that's like. To lose your family years ago and yesterday at the same time. Did you kill yours? Didn't think so. You understand a bare whisper of the agony I feel. Is that why you're not eating? Or sleeping, from the looks of it? I don't need sleep or food. I need death! You look surprised. Or is that concern I see? Why are you here? Your people wanted to make sure you're being treated well. Why do they trust you? Never mind. I don't care. Tell them I'm being treated better than I deserve. Now get out! I think you should have this. [SIGH] You were adjusted. So, now you believe in the divinity of the Primes? Is that it? No. I know you're just a man who lost his way. Then tell me... what did you see? You got a glimpse. A glimpse? Of the truth greater than us all. Yes. No. I don't know. Let me guess. You saw this. You saw it, too? Of course. I created all of Sanctum in its image. What does it mean? I stopped trying to answer that question years ago. Looks like it's your cross to bear now. Unless you're prepared to do the same to me, we're done here. [DOOR CLOSES] ECHO: Bellamy! Call out if you can hear me! [BOTH PANTING] What the hell are you doing? Making sure we're not being followed. Followed by what? Have you ever seen anything like that? No. [RUSTLING] [GUNSHOT] GABRIEL: Hope, no, stop. [WOMEN GRUNTING] I don't want to hurt you. Who are you? Where's Octavia, and why are they taking Bellamy to the Anomaly? Bellamy's gone? GABRIEL: You know him? You remember? No. You called to him from the tent. This... was in my arm. "Trust Bellamy." I don't remember putting it there, but I think I must have. It's another code. Like the one on Octavia's back. What's it for? - HOPE: I don't know. - ECHO: Stop lying! GABRIEL: Easy. Octavia lost her memory, too. Must be a result of moving through the Anomaly. - HOPE: What's the Anomaly? - ECHO: You tell us. GABRIEL: It's the sound you hear. You said Octavia's name right before you stabbed her. You remembered then, and you remember now. The Anomaly was on top of us then. Yeah, yeah, yeah, then she lost her memory when it receded... taking Octavia with it. Why just her? Why the memory loss? None of this makes any sense, but, my God, it's incredible. We need to get to Bellamy. How fast can you run? I don't know. Let's find out. [INDISTINCT CHATTER] [MEN CHEERING] MURPHY: Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right. EMORI: Stop it. Here. Listen to this. Kaylee changed because of love, too. Isaac, a null, made her see what they'd become. Aww. Farmer loving the pig she leads to the slaughter. Jackson didn't mean it, John. You didn't kill Abby. Russell did. I told her that it was gonna be good for her. I told them that Abby could make Nightblood out of bone marrow. You did that to save us all. I helped Josephine convince Abby that she was Clarke. Blessed is Daniel. Blessed is... I... I'm so sorry, my lord. I got this. It's OK. He's clearly had enough. Look, you got it all wrong. I know you think that I'm... RAVEN: Daniel, can I... Can I talk to you? I just need a minute. Act like you hardly know me. What the hell are you talking about? This place is a powder keg. Oh, this is good. Miss morality wants us to be Primes. Newsflash: you are Primes. That bad choice has sailed. But if these people actually believe you're Daniel and Kaylee, it may still do us some good. The answer's no. Daniel. He blames himself for Abby. RAVEN: This can't be good. How's Russell? - TREY: What'd he say? - JORDAN: It's OK. TREY: Don't tell me it's OK. We have to help him. Everyone, let's go. Let's go. NELSON: Children of Gabriel, let's move. - RAVEN: Here we go again. - MAN: Get out of the way. Move. It's a riot again. JORDAN: Trey, just hang on for a second. TREY: Free Russell Prime! How dare you put him in a cage! NELSON: A cage is better than he deserves. [INDISTINCT SHOUTING] TREY: Everyone. We have to go back and get Russell out of there. CLARKE: Hey. They're going for Russell. TREY: Let us see our god! Let us see him! Give us Russell! I'm moving him to the palace where we can protect him. CLARKE: We said the palace was off limits. Every battle plan is perfect till the first shot is fired. RAVEN: And the Children of Gabriel? INDRA: They'll be unhappy. It's either this, or we execute him now and be done with it. Hey, thanks for your help. He wants to be killed. That's all I told them. Then let's give him what he wants. Death to Primes! [CROWD SHOUTING "DEATH TO PRIMES"] We have to do this now. NELSON: Death to Primes! Get back, get back! We're moving you someplace safe. Why are you protecting the man who killed your mother? Excellent question. If I could kill you for what you did, I wouldn't hesitate. Get him out of here. [INDISTINCT SHOUTING] NELSON: There he is! Death to Primes! TREY: We won't let you kill him! JORDAN: Hang on! We can figure this out. Get out of the way. We are moving him to the palace for his own safety. JORDAN: Nobody has to get hurt! Indra, stop! TREY: You don't belong here! [INDISTINCT SHOUTING] [SCENE_BREAK] [LOUD BANG] Have we learned nothing? Huh? Let them pass! We can trust Wonkru. After all... we are one. We are one. [CROWD MURMURING "WE ARE ONE"] - Let's go. - Russell! - MAN: Let's go. - SECOND MAN: Right now. "We are one"? It's from Kaylee's journal. Her slogan when she stopped oblation. You are so hot right now. Sister. My idea. Good one. Of course, now the Children of Gabriel want them dead. The lengths some people will go to live in a castle. EMORI: We get to live in the castle? MILLER: If they're gonna get murdered in their sleep, better there than at the farmhouse with us. RAVEN: He does have a point. I need my hours. OK. For now. At least until they kill you. Why did you draw these? Mm, I don't know. I was bored while they were teaching us about the Primes. Why are they still doing that if they know the truth? I suppose sometimes belief is stronger than the truth. [FOOTSTEPS] [DOOR OPENS] Hi. Sorry we're late. No problem. I hope you don't mind that Madi and I already ate. You know, while you were off rebuilding Sanctum by hand. Who knew putting a broken society back together would be hard work? Clarke... I don't care that you're late. I care why you are. CLARKE: Madi, Indra's right. We have a lot of work to do. Stop it. Talk to me. I know what it's like to lose a mom. And I can help. Hey. I'm still here. You didn't lose me. Not you, Clarke. She died in my arms. I know what that's like. Well, the woman I floated was not my mom. I'm fine, Madi. Really. I'm going to bed. [SIGH] Not my finest moment. INDRA: Don't be so hard on yourself. You handled that well. GAIA: You would think that. After my father died, crying was forbidden. We were at war. It made you strong. It made me become a Fleimkepa. The question is, who is the fleimkepa without a Flame? We all have to find our own new path. I just realized I never thanked you. The Flame was your whole world, and yet you chose to save Madi. I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you. Thank you. You should, um, see this. She's drawing memories that are not her own. Sheidheda? I don't know. It could be any of the Commanders or all of them. I'll keep an eye on it. I'm glad she has you in her life. The night Wanheda knelt to Heda. I'm sorry I missed that. Seems like another world. [EXPLOSION IN THE DISTANCE] New world. Same problems. I got Madi. Go on. Thank you. Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Too much toxin in the air. I am not in the mood to see my ghost right now, are you? [INHALES] [PANTING] GABRIEL: Ray guns. Cool. If it shoots, it can be shot at. That was a bad shot, even from far away. Echo? Echo, what are you doing? Testing a theory. A theory? If you're wrong... She's not wrong. It's not trying to kill us. We're not playing by the same rules. Echo, look around you. The particulate matter moves in response to motion. They come close enough... I'll have a target. ECHO: To set the trap, we have to open up a lead. Follow me. [LOW THRUM] Listen. [LOW THRUM] Here it comes. No one move, or it won't come close enough. ROAN: Once a killer, always a killer. You just said don't move. Roan? You didn't use the antitoxin, Echo. Echo, it's not real. ROAN: Without Bellamy, who will you follow? - ECHO: Shut up. - GABRIEL: Quiet. - ECHO: Now he's in my shot. - GABRIEL: Shush! Answer the question, Ash. ROAN: Without someone to follow, who are you? A girl who killed her only friend and stole her name? ROAN: The honorless spy who would do anything for her queen, even betray the man she now claims to love? Echo? Echo, it's close. I can do this. OCTAVIA: Hope. You have to stay quiet. No matter what you hear, you stay quiet. Do you understand? Hope, it's just in your mind. OCTAVIA: I promise you, Mommy and Aunty O will come back for you. Now, shhh... No, no, don't... Stay down. GABRIEL: Echo, they're right there. Take the shot. Now. Pull the trigger now. I'm sorry. [MAN SCREAMING] ECHO: Gabriel, there could be more. We have to go. Now. GABRIEL: We need to know what we're dealing with. - ECHO: Gabriel... - GABRIEL: Hold on. [LABORED BREATHING] He's just a man. Same tattoos as yours. [GUNFIRE] - GABRIEL: Listen. - ECHO: What is it? GABRIEL: The Anomaly. It's quieter. They're shutting it down. What does that mean? GABRIEL: It means they can control it. What if it means they're taking Bellamy through and they don't want us to follow? GABRIEL, SOFTLY: Let's go. - ECHO: Bellamy! - GABRIEL: No, no, no, no, no. - GABRIEL: Slow down. Echo. - ECHO: It's closing! GABRIEL: We go through together. If we're even seconds apart, we could be separated by months. OK? INDRA: We heard an explosion. Miller, report. MILLER: They blew up a container on the lower level to pull our attention away from the palace. There's a dozen hardcore believers outside Russell's quarters right now. The adjusters are back in their bibs. Our guards at their door, they withdrew without engaging. CLARKE: That was the right call, Miller. No one else should die because of what they believe. What other reason is there to die? NELSON: I couldn't agree more. What the hell is he doing here? He's unarmed. The Children of Gabriel have demands. - CLARKE: Get in line. - NELSON: You want peace, we want Russell Prime. The people that live here should decide Russell's fate, not us. NELSON: This is our home, too. We were thrown out like garbage. My parents are still here and I don't even know who they are. The Primes did that. I'm sorry that happened to you. But we're not letting you have Russell. Either Russell Prime dies, or Kaylee and Daniel do. MILLER: Come on, Nelson. You know they're not Daniel and Kaylee. You want them to play dress-up so you can control the sheep, fine. But Russell Prime is ours. You have till tomorrow's second moon to decide. The man does deserve to die, Clarke. Maybe. But the kind of society I want my child to grow up in doesn't take an eye for an eye. Clarke, he killed your... Fine. We'll clear out the fanatics. No. No more violence. So, how do we do it? We don't. Russell does. I'll get Jordan. He's in the tavern. TREY: We invoke the names of the Primes as we pray. Josephine... Simone... Priya... Russ... Faithful, block the way. She just wants to see Russell. You were gonna search me, right? You wouldn't be dumb enough to let someone bring a gun in to see your god. JORDAN: It's OK, Trey. You can trust her. Let her pass. They didn't unchain you. I wouldn't let them. I need you to order your people to leave the palace. Tell me, Clarke... How do you go on after you lose everything? You take a breath. Then another. That's it. Now will you give the order or not? If I'd have killed Madi when I had the chance, you'd understand. Wait. I have something for you. Simone left these here, after she was resurrected. They were your mother's. I thought you'd want them back. [BOTH GRUNTING] For my mother! Get up. Is this what you want? Yes. Do it. Pull the trigger. Set me free. [SOBBING] I'm so sorry. SHEIDHEDA: Hello, Russell Prime. I prefer your new body. Where is this place? Who are you? MILLER: Clarke, open the door! [POUNDING ON DOOR] [INDISTINCT SHOUTING OUTSIDE] [CLARKE SOBBING] [POUNDING AND SHOUTING CONTINUE] Looks like you burn after all. Please. Do not leave me here. What would you want Madi to do? [INDISTINCT CHATTER] [PEOPLE COUGHING] No! Let it burn. Sanctum is free! There are no kings or queens or Primes here! We have no use for a palace. We are the last of the human race, and we've all made mistakes. Tomorrow, Russell Prime dies for his. [CROWD CHEERING]

After Octavia's departure, Bellamy is kidnapped by invisible figures while Hope shows no memory. Gabriel, Hope and Echo chase after Bellamy's kidnappers; after experiencing a hallucination of Roan and the real Echo, Echo kills three of them. With the Anomaly closing, Gabriel, Echo and Hope choose to follow the others through it to find Bellamy. With the various factions now living together in Sanctum, tensions rise, particularly with the Children of Gabriel demanding Russell's execution while Murphy is guilt-stricken over his role in Abby's death and Madi continues to experience memories from one or more of the Commanders. A depressed and suicidal Russell destroys Priya's Mind Drive and goads Clarke into killing him; after Clarke knocks Russell unconscious, he is greeted by Sheidheda in the Mindspace who had uploaded himself into Russell's Mind Drive when the Flame was destroyed. The Dark Commander kills Russell and resurrects himself in Russell's body. Unaware of this, Clarke burns down the Sanctum palace and announces a new beginning for Sanctum and that "Russell" will be executed the next day for his crimes.

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Act One. Scene One - KACL Frasier and Roz are in Frasier's booth. Roz is sorting some carts, while Frasier opens his mail. Frasier: Oh look, Roz, Roz, my brochures are here! Oh, god, very exciting! Vacation! Roz takes one of the brochures from Frasier. Roz: Wow! The Golden Door Spa! Frasier: Ooh, yes! Roz: Look at those accommodations! That is nice! She gives the leaflet to Frasier. Frasier: I plan to leave Dad and Eddie to fend for themselves while I go off and spend an obscene amount of money being pampered like a spoiled child. I know it's self-indulgent, but what else are vacations for? By the way, what are you doing for your week off? Roz: Oh, I'm taking my mom to Ireland to stay in the sod house where her mother was born. Frasier: Why don't you just write the words "bad son" on my forehead! Roz: Listen, there is nothing wrong with pampering yourself on your vacation. After all, you do work three hours a day. Frasier stands up, annoyed, turns his back on her, and begins to sort through his brochures on the side bench of the studio. Roz: I'm sorry. That one even surprised me! She walks into the adjoining producer's suite. Frasier follows her through. Frasier: You know, it's just that when I think of the relationship I have with my dad I can't help but envy the relationship you have with your mother. Roz: Well, it didn't just happen. We work at it, spend time together... Frasier: Roz, are you forgetting that my father lives with me? How much more time together could we spend! Roz: Day to day living is different. You know, there is nothing better than taking a trip together. You get to have a little fun, you get to relax... you get to see a whole different side to the other person. Frasier: You know, in his entire life, my dad has never been to Europe. It would be a way of connecting with him if I were the one to give him that. [looks questioningly at Roz] So, what would you charge me to take him to Ireland with you? Roz looks at him with a wry smile on her face and shakes her head. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment Fade back in. Niles is sitting with his face down on the table as Daphne massages his back. Martin is sitting in his chair with the paper in one hand, and is stroking Eddie with the other. Niles: [moaning with pleasure:] Ahh... I should have known this would happen. I always throw out my back when I try to lift Maris's luggage. Daphne: Why didn't you hire a skycap? Niles: Oh, we did for most of it, but Maris won't trust strangers with her makeup case, ever since a ham-handed porter dropped it and broke three vials of rare Swiss lamb placenta. On the upside, the calfskin lining of her case was never more soft and supple. Daphne lifts him to sit up straight, puts her arm around his neck and proceeds to massage his back with the fist of her right hand. Daphne: Where did Mrs. Crane go, anyway? Niles gives more moans of pleasure, and Martin looks round at him in amusement. Niles: She's making her annual pilgrimage to the holy land. Martin: I thought she was going to Dallas to visit her sister. Niles: That is her holy land. It's the site of the first Nieman- Marcus. Martin turns back to his paper, shaking his head. Niles produces more moans of ecstasy. Frasier enters the apartment, carrying his briefcase. Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane... Niles: [still moaning] Oh, call me Niles! Frasier casts his usual look of disapproval and disappointment in Niles's direction, and Niles, noticing him, stands up. Niles: Thank you, Daphne. Frasier: Dad, I've had an idea and I hope you're as excited about it as I am. [opens his briefcase and takes out the holiday brochures] I want to take you on vacation! Martin: [suspicious] Why? Frasier: Well, I thought an adventure might do us good, give us a chance to have some fun, maybe get reacquainted, even do a little bonding. Martin: What'd you have in mind? Frasier: Well, this isn't about where I want to go, this is about where you want to go. Frasier fans out the leaflets and lays them on the table by his father in an extravagant gesture. Frasier: Dad, I give you the world! Martin: [reading one] The Galy-pay-gos islands, huh? "Where iguanas, sea-lions and giant tortoises live in eternal harmony." [to Frasier] Is it important they get along? Frasier: No, I suppose not. Niles has also been looking through the leaflets. Niles: Oh, how about this! India and Nepal! Trek the foothills of the Himalayas! Martin: [tapping his cane] I think you're forgetting about my old pal here. Niles: No problem. Frasier can just hire a really tough little Sherpa to carry you on his back. Martin looks at him stupidly. Niles: They don't mind. Frasier: Well, we obviously haven't struck the right chord yet, but we will, we will. Dad, why don't you just suggest something? Martin: You really want to go on a trip with me? Frasier: Yes I do! I'll go anywhere you want to! Anywhere! Martin: Okay. Well, maybe I'm not as sophisticated as you, but I think I should see America first! Frasier: Great! We're Americans, we should see America! Martin: And I want to see it in a Winnebago! Frasier stands up in horror, but with feigned enthusiasm. Frasier: A Winnebago! Hot damn, that has a real ring to it! He crosses to pour a drink. Martin: Yeah! It's something your mother and I always dreamed about doing when I retired. Frasier: Then that is exactly the trip we are going to take! Martin: You really mean it? Frasier: Absolutely! Daphne: This calls for a celebration! Daphne exits to kitchen, Frasier crosses to fire place and Martin also exits towards the kitchen. Martin: Yeah, let's pop open a couple of beers! I think I've got a bag of pork rinds in here too! Frasier: Oh, the final touch! I almost feel like I'm in a trailer park already! He hangs his head in horror, leaning on the mantelpiece in despair. Niles crosses the room towards him. Niles: [mockingly] Oh, Winnebago Boy? Make sure to hang a lot of beach chairs on the back and give it a really cute name like... "The Whoopin' Cranes!" He dissolves into laughter. Frasier: Oh, Niles. When I agreed to see America with Dad I thought we'd be staying in five-star resorts! When I said together I meant adjoining suites! Niles: Just tell him you think it's a bad idea. Frasier: I can't do that, he's counting on this trip too much. It was his dream, he was going to go on this trip with Mom. Niles: Yeah, but she lucked out and died! [laughs] Frasier pulls Niles to the corner of the apartment to be sure they can't be heard from the kitchen. Frasier: [in desperation] Niles listen, listen. If Dad and I get into a Winnebago together only one of us will come out alive. You've got to come with us! Niles: Frasier, you're my brother. That entitles you to my bone marrow and one of my kidneys, but THIS is an imposition! Cut to Martin and Daphne in the kitchen. Daphne is chopping cheese, and Martin sits opposite her. Martin: You've got to come with us! Daphne: Why? Martin: Well, Frasier and I don't have anything to talk about! I always feel more comfortable when there's someone else around, or the TV's blaring. Daphne: Then why did you suggest it? Martin: Well, it sounded like a good idea when it came out of my mouth, but the more I think about it... I mean, can you really see me and Frasier together all day and then crawling into our bunks at Night, lying head to head... bonding? [shivers] Eew! I'll pay you! I've got pension money! Cut back to Niles and Frasier. Frasier: I remember a car trip we took when I was nine? We drove from Seattle to Spokane. The only thing he said to me was, "I think we've got a problem with your brother Frasier." Niles: Those were awful, those family driving vacations. Dad insisting on covering as many miles as possible in a day. The two of us tiny hostages in the back seat, clutching our car sickness bags... straining to see something out of the window as the landscape whizzed by... I was thirteen before I realized cows aren't blurry! Cut to Martin and Daphne. Daphne: Why don't you just tell him you don't want to go? Martin: Oh, you heard how he wants to go. I don't want to disappoint him! Cut to Niles and Frasier. Frasier: I don't want to disappoint him!! Niles: I'm sorry Frasier, I am not a Winnebago person. He begins to cross to refill his drink. Niles: Whenever I see one on the highway I look into the driver's eyes, hoping to see something that would explain why in God's name he would ever want to do something like this! All I see is a death stare under the brim of a hat made out of Miller Lite cans. This is my final word: I'm-not-going. Martin and Daphne re-enter. Daphne is carrying some cheese chunks on a plate. Martin: Hey, great news, Daphne's coming too! Niles: And so am I! He eats a cheese chunk. [SCENE_BREAK] THE WHOOPIN' CRANES Scene Three - A Winnebago. The Crane clan, plus Daphne, are traveling along in their rented Winnebago. The north-western American countryside is visible out of the rear window. Frasier is driving, and Martin is in the passenger seat videotaping the view. Daphne is sitting behind them. Niles appears to be absent from the scene. Martin: It's everything I'd hoped it'd be, only better! It's like sitting in your own living room watching TV! Only it isn't TV, it's America! Frasier: Yes Dad, it's the ultimate in virtual reality programming - actual reality. Martin: [Looking at map] Okay, we've got a turn-off coming up in about five miles, so start slowing down. Frasier: Righto, Dad. Daphne: How does it feel behind that wheel, Dr. Crane? Frasier: Manly! This is mine, and it's big! There is a flushing sound, and Niles appears from the back of the vehicle. Niles: Oh my God! It's like being sealed upright in a Formica coffin! Martin: Remember the old days, Niles? [to Daphne] When they were kids, all they had in the back seat was a mayonnaise jar. Frasier: Yes, it took quite a bit of skill to use it successfully at seventy miles per hour! Never really been fond of mayonnaise since... Niles: Or speed bumps. Martin: Okay, turnoff's coming up now, we're about four miles away, get ready, it's coming up! Alright, you're okay on the right! It's never to early to move over! Frasier: You know, Dad, I was wondering. What inspired you to choose that uniquely American man-made wonder, Mount Rushmore? Martin: Well, we've got a week off, right? That's as far as we can go in three and a half days and still make it back. We get there, get out, walk around the Valley of the Presidents, drive back, boom! Another fine landmark under our belts! Daphne: Well, you've certainly got this trip well-planned, Mr. Crane! Whenever I take a holiday I just grab a fresh pair of knickers and see where the wind takes me! At this comment Niles proceeds to look back at Daphne's backside. Frasier: [noticing] Niles... Niles! Frasier then pulls hard right on the steering wheel making the vehicle swerve sharply left. Everyone else remains in the same place but Niles, caught off balance, crashes left into some overhead cupboards, right into a chair behind Daphne and then falls spectacularly onto the floor whilst clutching at the kitchen sideboard. He quickly attempts to retake his place behind Frasier, before Daphne and Martin notice. Unsuccessfully. Martin looks strangely at Niles, not realising why Frasier swerved, then looks curiously at Frasier as if to say, "What the hell was that!" Frasier, however, drives on happily with a large smile on his face. Frasier: You know, what Daphne is saying is what we should really be doing! Martin: What are you talking about? Frasier: Well, you know, why should we be so beholden to maps and schedules? We should roam! America has always been enchanted with the romance of the open highway. Jack Kerouac went "on the road," Buzz and Todd got their "kicks on Route 66!" The adventure is in the journey! We should just ramble! Niles: Good golly, I'm inspired. I'm going to put on a baseball cap. He proceeds to put on a cap, backwards. Martin: Frasier watch it, you're going to miss the turn off!! Frasier: So? Martin: We'll get lost! Frasier: Lost from where? We're in a house on wheels! Wherever we go, we're home! Martin: No! It's coming up! [tugging at Frasier's arm] It's coming up! Alright, turn here! [frantically] This is it! Turn! Turn here...! We missed it!! Daphne and Niles look on in amusement. Frasier: Dad, we didn't miss anything! Martin: [horrified] Oh my God! Frasier: We are now on the road less traveled. From now on there is a new order! We dance to the rhythm of the road. Martin: [panicking] Alright, now don't panic! There's got to be an access road leading back onto that turn off... He proceeds to hunt around the map, frantically.] Martin: Where is it? Where is it! [finds it] Oh, it's always in the crack! Frasier: So is life, Dad. End Of Act One (Time: 10:23) Act Two. Scene One - Winnebago Fade in. Several hours have elapsed, and Martin is now driving. Niles and Frasier stand behind the two front seats, for Eddie is sitting in the front passenger chair. Martin: I've got to say, I was pretty anxious, but I'm starting to like this free spirit stuff! Frasier: [pointing out of window] Oh Dad, Dad look! There's a historical marker up ahead! Let's stop! Let's go see it, huh? Martin: Yes, just driving wherever you feel like it... Niles: It's educational Dad, there! There! There! There! There! Dad! The Crane boys are pointing excitedly, but Martin drives right past. Niles and Frasier follow it as it whizzes by, and then turn back to the front disappointedly. Niles: What did it say? Frasier: I don't know. The only word I saw was "Legendary." Niles: [spotting another attraction on the other side of the road] Oh, oh look, a roadside stand! Fresh fruit, homemade apple cider! Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad... Both: Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, DAD! Martin once again drives right by and the boys turn to look at the stand as it whizzes by. Once again they turn back disappointedly, and Niles punches the back of Martins chair lightly. Frasier: Look Dad, you seem to be missing the freewheeling concept. He tries to sit down but Eddie is in the chair. He sits down anyway and Eddie is squashed to the side of the chair, then sits on Frasier's knee. Niles picks up the camcorder and begins to film the view out of the front of the van. Frasier: We're supposed to go where the wind blows us, for god's sakes! Martin: It's blowing, we're going, why are you moaning? Frasier: [angrily] What is this obsession you have with covering a certain distance? Martin: It's just the way I relax! A car drives past, horn blaring. Martin leans out of the window to shout at it. Martin: Hey, watch it! I've got my kids in the car! As he has been shouting he has veered to the left. He straightens out quickly by swerving to the right, sending Niles once again crashing into the overhead lockers. Niles reels back, stunned. Frasier: What you call relaxing seems like a man with an obsession to me! Don't you think so, Niles? He turns to Niles, who has started to videotape Daphne, who is sleeping. Frasier: Niles! What are you doing?! Niles: I'm making a vacation video, something that we can look at years from now, over and over and over and over again... Frasier stands up and takes the camera from him. Frasier: Just give me that! Martin: Okay, you guys want to stop so bad, we'll stop. See that sign over there? Niles: "Have your photo taken with a live grizzly bear - Marvella's souvenirs and gifts - one mile." Martin: Yeah! I always wanted to have my picture taken with a bear! Frasier: Well, some dreams cannot be denied! [looking into the passenger side view mirror] Okay dad, alright, you're good here, you're good on my side, dad. Alright, just go ahead, ease it right over, it's never to early to change lanes... [realising what he is saying] Oh my God, it must be genetic. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - inside Marvella's souvenirs and gifts. The Frasier gang enter, and Eddie starts to bark at a full-size, stuffed grizzly bear propped up in front of a painted view of a mountain surrounded by trees. The rest of the store is full of various souvenirs and junk items. There is a woman standing behind a counter. Marvella: Get your dog away from my bear! I just had him cleaned! Daphne: He's stuffed! Frasier: You know, your sign said "a live bear." Marvella: It's an old sign. Martin: [looking at picture behind bear] Would you look at that view! It's like we're really there! Frasier: Yes, but if we were actually there dad, we'd be whizzing past at fifty miles per hour! Niles: Oh Frasier, look! It's the gourmet food department! Frasier: Oh! Homemade deer jerky! Niles: [reading notice with a sarcastic laugh] No sampling... Frasier: No problem! Martin and Daphne are standing in front of the bear. Martin: Okay! [to lady] Excuse me! Would you take our picture, please? Niles, Frasier, come on up here! Okay, everybody, alright, here we go! Everybody ready? Now, what should we do? Frasier: Well, how about this? [he puts his hands up and opens his mouth wide as if he's scared of the bear] Martin: Yeah! That's great, I like that! Okay, everybody! Eddie? Marvella: Now, before I take it, you know it's ten dollars Canadian. Frasier: Oh, for a treasured memory like this, what's money? Everyone puts on their "scared" faces. Marvella: Okay, one... Daphne: Why would she want Canadian dollars? Marvella: Two... Martin: Because we're in Canada. Marvella: Three! On "three," Daphne screams loudly as Marvella takes the picture. Everybody looks at her as she steps forward off the photo platform. Daphne: We're in Canada?! Martin: Yeah, we crossed the border a while ago, when you were taking a nap. Daphne: But we can't be in Canada! I'm not allowed to leave the United States! Frasier: Why? Daphne: Because I don't have my green card yet! Oh, this is just perfect! Three months until my final interview, the one thing they told me not to do was to leave the country! And what do you do? Wait until the first time I fall asleep and drag me across the bleeding border! They're never going to let me back in! Niles: They have to take you back, it's not your fault. [He crosses to comfort her] Frasier: [to Martin] This wouldn't have happened if you weren't so hell-bent on getting so many miles under your belt today! Martin: Well, you're the one who had to go where the wind blows! Martin and Frasier proceed to yell at each other loudly and angrily. Niles attempts to butt in to calm them down but can't find an appropriate break in the argument to make himself heard. Daphne grabs a duck call and blows it loudly to grab their attention, near-deafening Niles in the process. Daphne: Never mind whose fault it is, I'm stuck here! What am I going to do? Niles: We'll just go to the authorities and explain. I'm sure mishaps like this happen all the time. Martin: Oh, get real Niles, they've got the rules! Frasier: Oh, then what's your solution dad? Martin: Just sneak her back across the border. Niles: That's called smuggling! Martin: [very sarcastically] Oh, thanks Niles. I knew it was something bad guys did, I just didn't know the technical term! Frasier: Dad, I can't believe that you of all people, a former policeman, are actually suggesting that we commit a felony! Martin: Oh, I cross this border plenty! Ninety-nine times out of a hundred the guards just peek in the door and wave you through. It's no big deal. Now let's get out of here! Niles: Well, what if they pull us over? Martin: Then Daphne's just got to convince them that she's an American. Daphne: Bloody right! It beats having me bum bounced back across the pond! Let's give it a bash. The others exit and Frasier is left holding the door. Frasier: Oh, yes. This is foolproof... Frasier exits. [SCENE_BREAK] THE HOLE IN THE HEAD GANG Scene Three - The Winnebago Back in the motor home, heading for the border. Frasier is driving, Niles and Daphne are sitting at the table. Martin is pacing up and down the van. Niles: I'm about to defraud the United States Immigration Department. Not just me, my father and my older brother. People who should be role models for me. It's not my fault; I'm the product of a bad environment. Martin: [to Daphne] Now listen, on the off chance that the guard asks you a question, can you say anything in an American accent? Daphne: [in a poor imitation of a U.S. accent] Sure. Martin: Okay, what? Daphne: You just heard it! Martin: What? Daphne: [repeating the accent] "Sure." That's it, that's all I can say! [Martin looks horrified] Oh, I need a cup of tea! Frasier: TEA! Why don't you just wave a crumpet in the air and start singing, "God save the Queen"!! Niles: Don't you snap at her, Frasier, you're a psychiatrist. You should be in better control of your emotions. [panicking] Oh my God, there's the border! I can see the line of cars! Martin: Alright, now everybody calm down, we're going to be fine. Just remember that they'll be looking for suspicious behavior. [Niles is rocking back and forth with his head resting on his arm.] Niles, that qualifies! Alright, now if the guard pokes his head in here, what did we say he's going to see? All: Four carefree Americans. Daphne: I've never been so nervous. Frasier: I don't think there's any need to be. They're waving everyone through... they're not even asking any questions! Niles: Oh, please, please, please! Frasier: They're waving us through... they're waving us through... they're pulling us over... they're pulling us over! The gang look mortified. Niles resumes rocking back and forwards. [SCENE_BREAK] CHECKPOINT CHARLIE Scene Four - Winnebago. The van has stopped, and the guard is approaching. Martin: Here comes the guard. Daphne: I can't do this. Martin: Now everything's going to be fine, don't worry. Just remember to keep your answers short. People who have something to hide always talk too much. Guard enters. Guard: Hi, folks. Martin: Hi, there! Guard: Have a good time in Canada? Martin: Oh, great! Frasier: Canada, wow! Guard: [to Niles] What was the purpose of your trip to Canada, sir? After a long pause and a look at Martin, he answers deadpan: Niles: Fun. Guard: [after an equally long pause] I see. [to Frasier] And where were you born, Sir? Frasier: Seattle, Washington. Oh, you want to know what country? Oh, well, America! Of course! I'm quite an American really, I vote all the time, and always for the law and order guy! I... Guard: That's fine, sir, I don't need any more details. [To Daphne] And you, Miss? Did you enjoy Canada? Daphne: [In her ever-so-convincing accent] Sure! Guard: And the weather? Daphne: Sure, sure! Guard: [To Frasier] Is this your vehicle Sir? Frasier: Oh, no. Yes, yes! Well, I rented it! It's American-made, you see, I always look for that union label... Guard: I just need your license and registration. Frasier: Oh, right, uh, it's right here in this little side pocket. There's the registration. Let me get my license out for you... oh, yes, here we are! Guard: Stay right here. The Guard exits to check the documents. Martin: [sarcastically] Well, I can certainly depend on my gang, can't I? Niles: [standing] That's it. I'm going to be arrested! He sits in the passenger seat. Daphne: We're all getting arrested! She crosses to sit where Niles was, by the door. Niles: Yes, but I have delicate features. Prison will be hell for me! Martin: Cool it, Niles. Daphne: It's too late to turn back! I say we make a run for it. Frasier: Oh yes, great idea! A high-speed chase in an eight-ton motor home! It'll make an amusing anecdote for the border guard newsletter! Martin: Now will everybody just shut up? You keep babbling like this they're going to catch us for sure! [looks out of window] He's coming back! The guard enters. Guard: Well, these check out. All: Well, glad to hear that... Frasier: All strictly on the up and up... Daphne has her head turned from the guard. He looks at her suspiciously. Guard: Miss, you've been very quiet. Is there something I should know here? Daphne says nothing but smiles and shakes her head. Guard: You seem awfully nervous. May I have your name, please? Daphne looks mortified. She looks at Martin for help. Martin: Oh, alright. I guess I should have known better than to try something like this Niles: [standing] Dad, don't! Frasier: It was just a mistake! Guard: [to Niles and Frasier] You men just want to back off? [to Martin] What is it you want to say, sir? Martin: We were trying to pull one over on you. Eddie? Eddie jumps into his lap. Martin: We don't have a rabies certificate for the dog. Guard: I knew something was going on here. The Guard crosses to check the rest of the van, then stands by Martin. Martin: Yeah, well you see, we weren't planning on coming here, and when we got to the border we just forgot all about it. Niles: I for one, didn't even know that you needed one. Frasier: Yes, but ignorance of the law is no defense so take the little dog away and we'll be off! Martin: [casting Frasier a very evil look] Look, this is my fault. If you're worried that we picked the dog up here in Canada, well we didn't. I mean I've got a picture I can show you. Here's a picture of him taken at the Seattle Space Needle. He shows the guard a wallet photo of Eddie. Martin's old police badge is still in the wallet, and he makes it quite obvious to the guard. Guard: I see you've got a badge there. Martin: [with mock surprise] Oh, yeah! Guard: Are you a policeman? Martin: Retired. Thirty years on the Seattle police force. Me of all people should know better, huh? Frasier: Absolutely. Niles: Definitely. Daphne: [still with accent] Sure. Guard: Next time remember the rabies certificate. Have a safe trip home. Martin: Thanks, officer. Frasier: Thank you. The Guard exits. They all break into individual victory dances. Martin: Drive! They all remember themselves and turn to carry on their journey. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Five - Winnebago Fade in. Night has fallen, and Niles and Daphne are asleep. Martin is driving, and Frasier comes to sit next to him in the passenger seat. Eddie barks at him as he walks by. Frasier: [to Eddie] They would have returned you eventually! So dad, how long 'til we get home? Martin: About two hours. This highway goes right into Seattle. Why don't you lean back, take a little nap? Frasier: Oh no, I'm okay. I though maybe we'd chat a little bit. Martin: Oh yeah, great! There is an awkward, long, silence. Martin: You know Frasier, I just can't help it. When we're alone together I just don't know what the hell to say. I'm sure you figured out that's why I asked Daphne to come along. Frasier: Well, I had my suspicions but I hoped that wasn't the case. Martin: Oh, knock it off. That's why you asked Niles to come along too. Frasier: That's why I asked him, but that's not why he came. They both laugh. Martin: You know, the funny thing, we didn't have such a bad time, did we? [they both laugh again] Frasier: [imitating guard and Martin] "I see you've got a badge there..." "Oh, yeah!" They laugh again. Frasier picks up the map and starts to examine it. Frasier: You know dad, there's no reason for us to cut our trip short. According to this map we're not that far from Yellowstone. Martin: Oh, I always wanted to see Old Faithful! Frasier: Me, too! Martin: If you wanted a real adventure we could drop these two sleeping beauties off at home first. Frasier: You mean it? Just the two of us alone? Martin: Yeah! Frasier: Just you and me, father and son! Martin: Yeah! You and me, camping out in Yellowstone, all alone! Frasier: All by ourselves! The excitement goes out of their faces as the reality of this situation dawns on them. There is another awkward silence. Martin: Well, you know, it'd be an awful shame if Daphne didn't get to see those Indian paint pots... Frasier: Yes, of course. Martin: They are a real miracle of nature. Frasier: Yeah. Wouldn't be fair to leave Niles just to ramble around that old house all by himself. Martin: Maris out of town? That'd be cruel. Frasier: Yeah, absolutely. So, how long do you figure it'll take us to get to Yellowstone? Martin: Well, if we drive all night we'll be there tomorrow. Frasier: It'll be a nice surprise for the two of them when they wake up in the morning. Martin: I've got a better surprise than that: let's tell Daphne we're in Mexico! Martin and Frasier burst into devilish laughter. End Of Act Two. (Time 22:20) [SCENE_BREAK] The Camcorder, supposedly held by Niles, is being used to film a sleeping Daphne. However she wakes up and is shocked. The view then pans round to the left to reveal a very disapproving Frasier looking right into the camera.

Frasier, Martin, Niles and Daphne go on a road trip in a Winnebago. They drive over the border into Canada only to learn that Daphne is not allowed to leave the US because she does not have her green card yet.

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THE ARMAGEDDON FACTOR BY: BOB BAKER AND DAVE MARTIN Part Six Running time:25:09 [SCENE_BREAK] DRAX: Over here, Doctor! DRAX: Doctor, over here! Look at that. DOCTOR: You shrank the wrong man, Drax. DRAX: No, I was aiming at you. DOCTOR: Why didn't you shrink the mute? The TARDIS door's open. DRAX: Right, I've got it. Now listen. One of us creates a diversion and you fly over there and shut the door. DRAX: Nasty. Yeah, and we can't use the dimensional stabiliser in here 'cos there's not enough room for when we get back to normal size. We'd just fill up the crack. DOCTOR: Like putty. DRAX: Do you mind? Yeah, you've got problems. DOCTOR: Yes. The door's open so the Shadow can go in there and take the Key to Time. Romana can't help and the time loop must be at breaking point by now. DOCTOR: When the countdown reaches zero, up goes Atrios, Zeos and all. DRAX: Life presents a dismal picture, you might say. DOCTOR: Yes, you might say that. And of course there's the Marshal. DRAX: The Marshal? He's on our side. DOCTOR: No. DRAX: No. Oh well. Where's he fit in? DOCTOR: He's in the time loop as well, making a rocket attack on Zeos. Unless, of course, Shapp and Merak get in contact with him. DRAX: Where are they? DOCTOR: Back on Atrios, I hope. [SCENE_BREAK] SHAPP: Atrios control to Marshal. Marshal? Come in, Marshal. Oh, it's useless. He either can't or won't answer. And this time loop device isn't going to hold things back for ever, is it. MERAK: No, not unless the Doctor can find the sixth piece, and the sixth piece is somehow connected with Astra. SHAPP: But she denies all knowledge of it? MERAK: All conscious knowledge, yes. But if she's the only one who knows then secret, and if the knowledge is implanted, then it must have affected her, made her different in some slight way that might just show up in analysis. SHAPP: Yes, but she's not here. MERAK: But her records are, on your computer. [SCENE_BREAK] MARSHAL: Fire! [SCENE_BREAK] DRAX: Well, we've got one thing in our favour. DOCTOR: Oh? DRAX: Mobility. DOCTOR: Mobility. DRAX: Well, if we're only this high, we're practically invisible, aren't we? DRAX: Except we daren't move. DOCTOR: Yes. If the Shadow gets the five pieces from the TARDIS, which he undoubtedly will, it's up to us to get the sixth piece. DRAX: Yeah, but you don't know what it looks like, do ya? I reckon you're banjaxed, my old son. End of the road. Finito. DOCTOR: The Shadow said I'd already seen it. It must be Astra. DRAX: Astra? DOCTOR: She must have it. Let's see where this crack leads, shall we? DRAX: It's better than getting the boot. [SCENE_BREAK] SHADOW: The Doctor has eluded me, but he has made his last mistake. See, the door is open! The Key to Time is mine! Enough! Bwahahahaha! ROMANA: He thinks we're just going to stand by and let him walk away with everything we've worked for. Come on, let's get out of here. ASTRA: In this place. ROMANA: What? ASTRA: My destiny is here, in this place. Not on Atrios, not on Zeos. Here. ROMANA: Astra, listen. You're not under the Shadow's influence any more. Now, let's get out of here before he comes back. ASTRA: No, I must stay. I am the sixth princess of the sixth dynasty of the sixth Royal House of Atrios. ROMANA: Yes, yes, but we must get out of here before the Shadow comes back! ASTRA: This is the time of my becoming, my transcendence. ROMANA: What are you talking about? ASTRA: Metamorphosis. [SCENE_BREAK] DRAX: Yeah, here we are. Right, now, there's the T junction. Right down to the dungeon, left onto the Shadow's lair. DOCTOR: What? You mean there's a way in he doesn't know about? DRAX: Well, it will be when it's finished, but a couple of midgets like us won't be much good on a pick and shovel, will we? DOCTOR: No. No, no. no. But if we get K9 up there, we won't need a pick and shovel, will we. We can still give the Shadow a surprise. DRAX: Well, let's normalise then, shall we? DOCTOR: No, no, Drax, no. Small is lovely. DRAX: Big is better, though, innit? [SCENE_BREAK] SHADOW: Now, the moment I have waited for! Open the door. SHADOW: Light! Too much light! You, fetch me the Key. Hurry. SHADOW: When the Key is mine, I shall dispel the light, and darkness and night shall reign. SHADOW: Ah. [SCENE_BREAK] ASTRA: Destiny. My destiny is near. ROMANA: Astra, remember you're the sixth princess of the sixth Royal House of the sixth dynasty. ROMANA: And we're looking for the sixth segment of the Key to Time. Oh, you're in greater danger even than we imagined. [SCENE_BREAK] SHAPP: Have you found it? MERAK: I think so, yes. SHAPP: What is it? MERAK: A molecular anomaly buried in the genetic structure of the Royal House of Atrios and passed from one generation to the next, until finally, Astra. SHAPP: What's it mean? MERAK: I imagine it means that her every living cell is part of this Key of Time, and that to save us, Astra must be destroyed. You see? SHAPP: Hey, where are you going? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Everything all right, K9? K9: Affirmative. DOCTOR: Control box in position? K9: Control box in position. DOCTOR: Batteries charged? K9: Affirmative. DOCTOR: Test the blaster, K9. DRAX: Ow! DOCTOR: Blaster working, K9? K9: Affirmative. DOCTOR: You all right, Drax? DRAX: Just about. That bit gets hot. DOCTOR: I'd sit somewhere else, if I were you. Ready, K9? K9: Affirmative. DOCTOR: Now remember, it's absolutely vital to convince the Shadow that you're still under his control. This whole plan depends on how well you can act. Got it? K9: Affirmative, master. DOCTOR: Keep it simple, K9. K9: The Doctor and Drax have been eliminated. DOCTOR: Okay, K9. Now forward. You're on. K9: Master. DOCTOR: Did you ever get to Troy, Drax? Little place in Asia Minor. [SCENE_BREAK] MERAK: The third planet. Show me. [SCENE_BREAK] SHADOW: The fulfillment of that for which I have waited since eternity began. [SCENE_BREAK] K9: Preparing for blasting. [SCENE_BREAK] SHADOW: You see, Princess, you cannot escape your destiny. ASTRA: My destiny. SHADOW: It is for this that you were born. The sixth child of the sixth generation of the sixth dynasty of Atrios. Born to be the sixth and final segment of the Key to Time. Come, Princess, prepare yourself. ASTRA: I am ready. SHADOW: Ah! MERAK: Astra! SHADOW: What is this? K9: Apologies, master. SHADOW: You mechanical idiot. K9: But there is an intruder here. SHADOW: I ordered her to eliminate him. K9: It shall be done. SHADOW: Wait. Where is the Doctor? K9: Ahem. The Doctor and Drax have been eliminated. SHADOW: Good. Then these two shall stay and witness my moment of glory, my apotheosis. K9: (quietly) Master. SHADOW: Mine at last! K9: Now, master. ROMANA: No, you'll break the time loop! MERAK: Millions will die! SHADOW: A small beginning. Bwahahahahaha! DOCTOR: The stabiliser, Drax, now! SHADOW: You interfering fool. No one can resist the power of darkness! DOCTOR: Quick, back to the TARDIS! Quick! [SCENE_BREAK] DRAX: You go on, Doctor. I'll hold them off. DOCTOR: How will you get back? DRAX: The transmat shaft. See you on the TARDIS. [SCENE_BREAK] SHADOW: Stop him! He must be stopped! Stop him! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Good. ROMANA: Come on, Merak. DOCTOR: Come on, Romana. Merak, get inside! MERAK: No! DOCTOR: Quick, get inside, man! MERAK: No, Doctor, I'm staying here. DOCTOR: What! MERAK: I'm staying here to look for Astra. ROMANA: But what about the Shadow? MERAK: Astra! Astra! DOCTOR: No, Romana, come on. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Set the coordinates for Zeos. ROMANA: We're murderers. First Astra and now Merak. DOCTOR: Romana, it wasn't our idea to use the Royal House of Atrios as carriers, was it? ROMANA: No, but what happened to Astra was our fault. We're just pawns here to do the Guardian's dirty work. DOCTOR: I don't like it any more than you do, but it's done. Have you set those coordinates yet? ROMANA: Is that all you can say? She was a living being, and now what is she? A component. And Merak thinks she's still alive. No power should have that right, not even the Guardians. We must do something! DOCTOR: Well, you could start by setting the coordinates for Zeos. ROMANA: Why? DOCTOR: Romana, you get carried away. If you don't set those coordinates, millions of people will die and this time it really will be our fault. Have you forgotten the time loop? ROMANA: No, I hadn't forgotten the time loop. Can't you put the new segment in? DOCTOR: In less than a second? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Quick, cutters. Cutters! DRAX: Here, what a mess in here. DOCTOR: Listen, Drax. Drax, don't just stand there. What colour? DRAX: Green, I think. DOCTOR: What? DRAX: Well, it's a long time since I done it. Er. ROMANA: Quickly, Drax. DRAX: Just a minute. Don't fluster me. ROMANA: Hurry! DRAX: I've got a diagram somewhere. DOCTOR: Drax! ROMANA: Drax! DOCTOR: Drax! DRAX: Right. ROMANA: Drax! DOCTOR: Drax! DRAX: Pyramid, green! I told you. DRAX: Well, you didn't have to make such a mess of it all. DOCTOR: Drax. You took your time. Where's K9? DRAX: We found young Merak lying there dead to the world. Carrying him slowed us right down. DOCTOR: Really. How is he? DRAX: Well, he'll live. ROMANA: Doctor. DOCTOR: Yes. ROMANA: Aren't we forgetting something? DOCTOR: I don't think so. ROMANA: The Marshal! DOCTOR: What? The Marshal. ROMANA: Come on! DOCTOR: Quick! [SCENE_BREAK] MARSHAL: Fire! MARSHAL: Taste the moment of victory. Any second now, beautiful mushrooms will blossom and burst. MARSHAL: No! No, it's the wrong target! [SCENE_BREAK] SHADOW: Sire. Sire. I have failed. The Doctor has accomplished his purpose. He has the Key to Time. I have failed. GUARDIAN: I expected no less of you, you whimpering wraith. GUARDIAN: But your death is already encompassed in my designs, for now the Doctor shall release the Key to me, and chaos shall break upon the universe! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: What a shot, Marshal! Ha, ha, well shot! ROMANA: Doctor, he hit the planet of evil and he was aiming at Zeos! DOCTOR: Well, I can't help what he was aiming at. ROMANA: What did you do? DOCTOR: A mere nothing. A mere deflective forcefield set up for a millisecond set up between the Marshal and Zeos, bounced the missiles smack onto the planet of evil. ROMANA: Is that all? DOCTOR: Yes. DRAX: Well, he might have told us, mightn't he, dog? We was expecting to get blasted into infinity. K9: Affirmative. DOCTOR: Well, I'm sorry about that. I don't know what I'm apologising for. I just saved your lives! Can I drop you somewhere, Drax? DRAX: No thanks. I've got a contract job on down there. DOCTOR: Contract job? No armaments, I hope. DRAX: No. Reconstruction, war damage, scrap and that. Me and the Marshal's going fifty-fifty. ROMANA: You and the Marshal? DRAX: Yeah, well, he's out of a job now, isn't he. I mean, no war, no job, so I took him on. DOCTOR: When did you arrange this? DRAX: In about half an hour's time, I should think. DOCTOR: I see. Fifty-fifty? DRAX: Well, sixty-forty, know what I mean? DOCTOR: Ah. DRAX: And if you ever want to get rid of that thing (the complete Key) just let me know, won't you. DOCTOR: I'll let you know. Bye, bye, Drax. DRAX: Right then. Bye all. ROMANA: Goodbye. DRAX: Remember me to Gallifrey. DOCTOR: Bye, bye, Drax. ROMANA: Goodbye. ROMANA: Right, I'll set the coordinates for Gallifrey, shall I? DOCTOR: Why Gallifrey? ROMANA: Well, that's where we're going, isn't it? DOCTOR: We have the power to do anything we like. Absolute power over every particle in the universe. Everything that has ever existed or ever will exist. As from this moment are you listening to me, Romana? ROMANA: Yes, of course I'm listening. DOCTOR: Because if you're not listening I can make you listen, because I can do anything. DOCTOR: As from this moment there's no such thing as free will in the entire universe. There's only my will, because I possess the Key to Time! ROMANA: Doctor, are you all right? DOCTOR: (normal) Well of course I'm all right. But supposing I wasn't all right. This thing makes me feel in such a way I'd be very worried if I felt like that about someone else feeling like this about that. Do you understand? ROMANA: Yes. DOCTOR: What do you understand? ROMANA: That the sooner we hand this over to the White Guardian BOTH: The better! GUARDIAN (on scanner): My congratulations to you, Doctor. DOCTOR: Oh, thank you, sir, thank you. GUARDIAN (on scanner): You performed your task with admirable dispatch. The universe has much to thank you for. DOCTOR: Well, it was a pleasure, sir. Wasn't it a pleasure, Romana? ROMANA: Doctor, that's not the President. DOCTOR: What's the President got to do with it? GUARDIAN (on scanner): I can change my form or shape at will, my dear child. I appeared to you as the President so as not to alarm you. DOCTOR: Just be careful who you're talking to. ROMANA: Sorry, I GUARDIAN (on scanner): You have the Key to Time, Doctor? DOCTOR: Ah. Oh, I have, I have indeed, sir. Do you like it? GUARDIAN (on scanner): Do I like it? Yes, yes, I suppose you could say that I like it. DOCTOR: Yes, we're very proud of it, sir. Aren't we, Romana, proud of it? ROMANA: What? Oh, yes, yes. DOCTOR: What happens now, sir? You said, if I remember in our first conversation, that once it was assembled it would stop the entire universe and enable you to restore the natural balances of good and evil throughout the whole of the universe. GUARDIAN (on scanner): That is correct, Doctor. So, will you release the Key to me that I may do this? DOCTOR: Certainly, sir, yes, certainly, of course. Key to Time, I command you. Could I ask you something, sir? GUARDIAN (on scanner): Yes, Doctor? DOCTOR: It's just that, well, the Key is already assembled, sir. I mean, couldn't you restore the balances now? GUARDIAN (on scanner): Yes, Doctor, but I must have the Key for safe keeping. It is an awesomely powerful key. DOCTOR: Oh yes, sir, yes, and mustn't be allowed to fall into the wrong hands. I quite understand, sir, yes. Key to Time, I command. What about the sixth segment? GUARDIAN (on scanner): What about it, Doctor? DOCTOR: Well, I mean, as you know, sir, the sixth segment was in fact a human being, and I mean, if the pieces are maintained in their present pattern it means that she'll be imprisoned forever, sir. GUARDIAN (on scanner): That is, of course, regrettable. DOCTOR: Very regrettable. GUARDIAN (on scanner): But with the fate of the universe at stake. DOCTOR: Quite. You can't be too careful. I quite understand. Key to Time, I command that you stay exactly where you are! GUARDIAN (on scanner): Doctor! You have fully activated all the TARDIS' defences! DOCTOR: We can't be too careful, can we? And it would be a terrible tragedy for the universe if it suddenly turned out that I was colour blind. GUARDIAN (on scanner): Doctor, release the Key to me immediately! DOCTOR: Unable to distinguish between the White Guardian and the Black Guardian. ROMANA: Doctor, what do you mean? DOCTOR: Look. DOCTOR: Don't you see? The White Guardian would never have had such a callous disregard for human life. ROMANA: Of course. Astra, the sixth segment. He would have dispersed it immediately. GUARDIAN (on scanner): Doctor, you shall die for this! DOCTOR: I think not. Remember, the Key to Time is still mine, rage all you like. GUARDIAN (on scanner): I shall destroy you for this! I will disperse every particle of your being to the furthest reaches of eternity! DOCTOR: Ah well, I wish I could stay and watch you try, but you know how it is. Places to go, people to see, things to do. Romana? ROMANA: Yes? DOCTOR: When I give the signal ROMANA: Yes? DOCTOR: Dematerialise. DOCTOR: Now! [SCENE_BREAK] ASTRA: Hello, Merak. MERAK: Astra? Astra, where are you? ASTRA: I'm here. MERAK: Astra. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: You see? I think of everything. ROMANA: Doctor? DOCTOR: Hmm? ROMANA: What exactly have you done with the Key to Time? DOCTOR: Key to Time? Oh, well, I just scattered it round through space and time. ROMANA: I see. So where are we going? DOCTOR: Going? I don't know. ROMANA: You have absolutely no sense of responsibility whatsoever. DOCTOR: What? ROMANA: You're capricious, arrogant, self-opinionated, irrational and you don't even know where we're going. DOCTOR: Exactly. ROMANA: What? DOCTOR: Well, if I knew where I was going, there'd be a chance the Black Guardian would, too. ROMANA: Oh. DOCTOR: Hence this new device. ROMANA: What is it? DOCTOR: Well, it's called a randomiser and it's fitted to the guidance system and operates under a very complex scientific principle called pot luck. DOCTOR: Now no one knows where we're going. Not even the Black Guardian. ROMANA: Not even us.

The Doctor and Romana prevent the Marshal from concluding his plan and discover what the last segment of the Key to Time actually is. They then encounter both the Black Guardian and The White Guardian in their effort to conclude the mission given to them by the White Guardian.

fd_The_Mentalist_01x11

fd_The_Mentalist_01x11_0

Police and SWAT cars pull up in front of a mansion, and the SWAT team runs inside. They approach a locked room - we see the key is still in the door on the inside. They break in to find Jared sitting crying on the bed next to a dead girl. Both are in their underwear. ONE YEAR LATER A prison complex. Jane shows his ID and is allowed into the yard where Jared is sitting in his orange prisoner's clothes. Jared: Thank you for coming. Jane: You said you had information about Red John. Jared: Yes, I do. Killed your wife and daughter, huh? Heard a lot about you. They say you can tell when people are lying. Jane: Do you have information about Red John? Jared: I have dynamite information about Red John. Enough to catch him. Jane: How do you come by this information? Jared: Red John is a friend of a friend of mine. Jane: Is that friend of yours in prison too? Jared [laughs]: I have friends from all walks of life. Jane: Tell me. Jared: I am currently doing 25 years to life for a crime I didn't commit. My last appeal just failed. You get me out of here and I will give you Red John. Jane: You raped and murdered your family housekeeper's daughter. If you do know a lot about me, you know that I'm not a real magician. Jared: I didn't do it. Jane: I read the case file. The physical evidence, the testimonies of all the witnesses including your own family says you did. Jared: I didn't kill her. Jane: What happened? Jared: I don't know. We were partying, I did some blows of meth, we had s*x, I fell asleep. And it's morning, Andine's dead, cops are busting in. Jane: The door was locked from the inside. There were bars on the windows. Jared: Yes. Jane: How is it physically possible that anyone else could have committed the murder? Jared: I don't know. But I didn't, ergo someone else did. Someone you can find. You see me. Am I lying? Jane: You seem to be telling the truth, but you're a very clever, unprincipled narcissist in a desperate corner. Even if you are innocent, doesn't mean you have information on Red John. Yeah, it's a tough call. [Pauses to think.] I'm gonna have to say no. [Starts to walk away.] Jared: Your wife. Red John painted her toenails, yes? Painted them with her own blood. Police didn't make that public, did they? She's the only instance he did that, huh? Touch of elegance, for you alone. Jane: How do you know that? Jared: I told you. Red John is a friend of a friend of mine. Jane: What is this friend's name? Jared: His name is get me out of here and I will tell you. That and much more. I'll sing like a bird. Jane: Okay. Jane, Lisbon and Minelli are in Minelli's office. Minelli: No! I said no and I mean no. It's not that I don't want to help you. I want to help you. It's just it's not physically possible. Jared Renfrew was tried and convicted. It's a closed case. I have no authority to re-open it without cause. Jane: There is cause. Minelli: For you there's cause. Not for the State of California. We can't touch it. Jane: Ah, but we could touch it if... Minelli: Closed case! Nothing to be done. The Justice Dept doesn't go about undoing its own work. Jane: I understand. No problem. If we can't touch it, we can't touch it. Minelli: I'm sorry. Jane: No. The law's the law. My desire for revenge doesn't outweigh the rules. I have to accept that. Minelli: Glad you understand. Jane: Thanks for your time. (Jane leaves the room.) Minelli: He's lying through his teeth, isn't he? Lisbon: Yes. Lisbon comes out of Minelli's office into the bullpen where Jane is. Lisbon: Jane. I know better than to try and stop you from doing what you think you have to do. Jane: No, I'm fine about it. I can see Minelli's point. I can't be chasing every nutbag with a good story, can I? Lisbon: Yeah, sure you're fine with it. Just do me the favour of listening to me for a minute, so I can say 'I told you so' later. Jane: Sure. Lisbon: Jared Renfrew was found hugging the corpse of Andine Kopecki in a room locked from the inside, holding a bloody butcher knife in his hand. His semen was inside of her. He'd been stalking her for weeks. He's got a history of violence going back 15 years. Jane: What's your point? Lisbon: He's guilty. You're being conned. Jane: Possible, but I don't think so. But I've got to find out one way or the other. Lisbon: Even if he's telling the truth about the murder, he could still be lying about Red John. Jane: Also possible, but I've got to take the chance. What else can I do? Lisbon: Minelli wants me to keep a watch on you. Jane: What are you going to do? Lisbon: Well, I'm not going to follow you around. Let's compromise. When you get into trouble, call me first so I can try and minimise the damage. Jane: Deal. Lisbon: And don't use your CBI card. The Bureau finds out you used it without authorisation, you're done. Jane: I hear you. Outside the Renfrew's imposing gates. Jane presses the intercom. Maid [through intercom]: Hello. Jane: Hi, my name's Patrick Jane. I'd like to speak to Gardner Renfrew about his brother Jared. Maid [through intercom]: One moment, please. [Pause] Mr Renfrew says no thank you. Jane: Tell Mr Renfrew I can prove his brother is innocent and I know who really committed the murder. Jane holds out his arms like he's doing a magic trick and the gates begin to open. Jane is in inside with Gardner Renfrew and his wife, Breck. The maid has given Jane some water. Jane: Thank you very much. [He points to a photo.] Is that your father? Gardner: Yes. What's this all about, Mr Jane? Who are you and what do you mean by this? They all sit down. Jane: Do you think your brother is innocent? Gardner: You said you could prove he's innocent. You said you know who really did it. Jane: No. That was just to get inside the house. I have no idea who might have done it. Might have been Jared. Hope not. He seems to be telling the truth. What do you think? Gardner: I think you had better leave. Right now, Mr Jane. I don't have the time or the patience for tom-foolery. [He and his wife stand up.] Jane: So you think he's guilty. I'm wasting my time. Gardner: We're done talking. Jane: Suppose I could prove he was innocent. Wouldn't you want that? Wouldn't you want that blot on your name expunged? Breck: Of course he would. Gardner: Nothing would make me happier, but my brother is guilty. He violated the poor girl , he violated this house, he violated this family. Jane: That's all I needed to know. Thank you for your time. Your mother lives here in the guest house, doesn't she? Gardner: You leave my mother alone. Jane: Well, that's not your call to make, is it? [He gets up and walks further into the house.] Gardner: Breck, call the police. Jane: Be sure and tell them I'm unarmed. Jane ducks down a corridor with an annoyed Gardner behind him. He comes running out into the garden where Mrs Renfrew is. Gardner [calling]: Go inside, Mother! Go inside! Jane approaches Mrs Renfrew. Jane: My name's Patrick Jane. I want to speak to you about your son, Jared. Gardner: I'll deal with him, Mother. The police are on their way. Just go inside. Mrs Renfrew: Don't order me about. And don't be so hysterical. [To Patrick] What's your interest in Jared. Jane: I'm a friend of his. Trying to prove his innocence. Mrs Renfrew: Come and sit down. Jane: Thank you. Gardner: Mother, you're being childish. Mrs Renfrew: Go away, Gardner. Gardner: Mother! Mrs Renfrew: Go away! [Gardner leaves. Mrs Renfrew and Jane sit at a table in the garden.] Tell me why you wish to prove my son's innocence. Jane: Oh, I can promise you, I'm not up to anything sinister, Ma'am. My motives are pure. Tell me about Jared. Mrs Renfrew: He was a troubled child. Charming and bright, but a bully and a liar and something of a sadist. Jane: Qualities you rather liked in him, I expect. Mrs Renfrew [laughs]: Yes, I did. I found him rather amusing, at first. One doesn't want a wimp for a son. But there must be a sense of proportion and moderation. As he got older, he got worse. Fell in with bad people. It was one scandal after another, in and out of prison. A common criminal. Jane: But he turned himself around, didn't he? Mrs Renfrew: He gave up the drink and the drugs and the gallivanting. Made peace with his brother and came home to help run the family businesses. Jane: The prodigal son. Mrs Renfrew: Yes. George, his father, was overjoyed. I was sceptical. Pleased, of course, but sceptical. As my mother always said, you are what you are. Jane: I guess she's right. Mrs Renfrew: Yes. Poor George dropped dead a week after the murder. Broke his heart, people said. George didn't really have a heart, in that sense. He died of embarrassment. A Renfrew in the pokey for murder. Quelle horreur. Jane: Can you show me where it happened? Jane and Mrs Renfrew inside the house, walking to the room where the murder took place. Jane: Who else was in the house? Mrs Renfrew: I had a small dinner party. Probably 10 people all told. After they left, it was just family. Gardner and Breck, George and I, and Jared, of course. [She gets the key from the top of the doorframe and unlocks the door.] Jane: Not Mariska, the housekeeper? Mrs Renfrew: No. She lived out. [She opens the door.] Andine was only here to help the cook with the dinner party. [Jane looks around the room.] She was a lovely girl, full of life and promise. Her mother, Mariska, had been with us 20 years. Part of the family. Jane: Jared told me that he and Andine were having an affair. That he loved her and he'd never hurt her. Mrs Renfrew: She told her mother that he was stalking her, that she was scared of him. She didn't go to the police out of respect for the family. Jane: Hmm. I'd like to speak to the mother. Mrs Renfrew: She left our employ, I'm afraid. It was too difficult for both of us. Jane: Where is she now? Mrs Renfrew: I have an address somewhere. Jane: Can you get it for me now? Mrs Renfrew: As you wish. Jane: Thank you. Mrs Renfrew leaves. Jane peers into a hall closet and sees some fishing line. He closely examines the door of the room and the key. Gardner arrives with a couple of policemen and his wife. Policeman: Sir, would you come with us? Jane: Why? Policeman: You're trespassing here. Jane: No, I'm not. Policeman: Okay, sir, this man here says he's the homeowner and says you're trespassing, so let's go. Jane: Officer, it's the other way around. I'm the homeowner, that man is the intruder. Gardner: That's a lie! He...he's lying. Jane: Listen to the madness in his voice. Will you please take him somewhere he can get some help. Mrs Renfrew comes back in looking at a piece of paper in her hand. Mrs Renfrew: Here you are. I don't know that she'll still be there, but... Jane: Thank you so much. [She sees the officers.] Mrs Renfrew: For heaven's sake, Gardner! Policemen! How ridiculous! Send them away. Policeman: Ma'am, this man here is... Mrs Renfrew: Yes, yes, it's quite all right, officer. You can go. The policemen start to leave. Gardner: Thanks. Jane: Well, goodbye, Mrs Renfrew. I expect we'll speak again soon. Mrs Renfrew: Good day to you. [Jane raises his eyebrows at Gardner as he leaves.] Jane, Lisbon and Minelli once more in Minelli's office. Minelli: Gardner Renfrew is a player in this town. You can't go to his house and screw around with him. Jane: Why not? It's a free country. I didn't use my ID. I didn't even mention the CBI. Minelli: You gave your real name. Jane: It's my name! Minelli: Well, you should have lied as you so often do, because now I have to give you an official reprimand and order you in the strongest possible terms to leave the Renfrew family alone and drop the matter. Jane: Sorry, can't do that. Minelli: You have to. This is straight from the AG's office. Jane: Jared Renfrew didn't kill Andine Kopecki. Lisbon: Do you have evidence of that? Jane: Not yet. I have pieces that I'm piecing together. He's innocent. Minelli: Wake up, Dorothy. You're not in Kansas anymore. There are innocent men in jail. It happens. Is he one of them? I don't know. I doubt it. In any case, we can't re-open his case. Jane [with a naughty smile]: If I'm Dorothy, then who are you? Minelli: It doesn't matter who I am. [Lisbon looks amused.] We will find other ways of making Renfrew talk to you. There's a lot that can be done to make a prisoner's life easier if he co-operates. Jane: It's not going to work. He's innocent. Minelli: Okay. Here it is. If you pursue this any further, I'm going to have to throw you out of the CBI. We can't take the liability. I very much do not want to have to do that. Jane [standing up]: I know you don't, so I'll spare you the trouble. [He puts his CBI ID on Minelli's table.] I quit. Lisbon: Don't do that. Jane: No, it's okay. It's best this way. [He goes over to her.] You are the good witch Glinda, obviously. Thank you. [He puts his hand on her shoulder.] I learned a lot. He smiles at her. She looks upset. He leaves. Lisbon walks into her office and finds Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt waiting for her. Lisbon: Don't bother. I know. I feel the same way. Nothing to be done. Rigsby: So now when he really needs our help, we're letting him down. Lisbon: I want to help him just as much as you do. Our orders state that we must stay away from this case. Van Pelt: I don't care what our orders say. It's not right. Lisbon: We closed cases before he came, we'll close cases after he's gone. Cho: Yeah, just not so many. Rigsby: Cases are not the point. It's not that we need him. He needs us. Lisbon: Yeah, he needs us on a fool's errand. Renfrew's a conman. He doesn't know anything about Red John. Van Pelt: Suppose we found a connection between Renfrew and Red John? Lisbon: It would... Wait, what's in the file? Let me guess, a connection between Renfrew and Red John? Van Pelt [smiles and hands her the file]: Seven years ago Renfrew was serving time on a narcotics conviction. He shared a cell in Lompoc with a man by the name of Orville Tanner. Tanner claimed in his 1998 trial for murder that he had only been an accomplice, that the real killer was a man by the name of Red John. Nobody believed him. Lisbon: '98. That's the beginning of Red John's career. Where's Tanner now? Van Pelt: He died of heart disease in prison hospital. Lisbon: Of course. Our luck. Van Pelt: It's a connection. Lisbon: Slim. Likely nobody believed him for a reason. Rigsby: But it's a connection. Lisbon: Okay. Check out Tanner's background, find the autopsy report, see if there's any credibility to his story. I mean, obviously we can't do that, but that's what I would tell you to do if we weren't ordered to stay away from this case. [They all grin conspiratorially.] The bullpen. Rigsby is on the phone, Cho is looking at a file, Van Pelt is on her computer. Rigsby [on the phone]: Okay, then let me speak to the assistant to the deputy records officer. Van Pelt: Why do people say 'Eureka' when they do something good? Cho: It's Greek for 'bingo'. Van Pelt: Well, so, Eureka. I found the autopsy reports and they back up Orville Tanner's story. The body of the alleged victim - cut up Red John style. Rigsby: Which means that Renfrew is telling some kind of truth about his Red John connection. Rigsby and Cho see Minelli approaching and try to look busy and innocent. Van Pelt doesn't notice him coming up behind her. Minelli: Van Pelt! [She jumps.] What's that you're working on? Cho: Sir, I asked her to... Minelli: I'm talking to Van Pelt. Van Pelt: Sir, I'm doing research for Jane. No excuses, sir. Minelli [looking at the other two.]: You too, I suppose? Lisbon comes into the room. Lisbon: Hey, boss. Minelli: I gave this unit a direct written order and they have flagrantly disobeyed that order. Did they do that with your knowledge? Lisbon: I ordered them to do it. I told them you countermanded your earlier order. They had no knowledge whatsoever that they were doing anything irregular. Minelli: Nice try, Mother Teresa, they already gave themselves up. Rigsby: We never said a word! Lisbon: I stand by my story. They didn't know they were out of line. Cho: Sir, the opposite is true. We forced Agent Lisbon to let us do this. Minelli: Very touching. My ex-wife would have loved this scene in a movie. I'm giving you all formal notice. Any further infractions will result in immediate suspension. Lisbon: Sir, you might as well suspend me now because there will be further infractions. Jane needs our help and he's going to get it. I'm not going to lay off because some fat cat's putting on the pressure. Cho and Rigsby: Me too. Van Pelt: And me. Minelli: Moving. Eloquent. Two thumbs up. You shall have your wish. You're all suspended, starting right now, for gross insubordination. [He walks out.] Lisbon: I'm sorry. Lisbon walks into Minelli's office. Minelli: Oh, hi. Lisbon. [Sarcastically.] Still here? Lisbon: That was more of a rhetorical stand we were taking back there. Minelli: You take it back then? Lisbon: Well no, but I wanted to talk... Minelli: This is the, um, the suspension paperwork right here. Lisbon: Look, I... Minelli: I have to go and visit my sister in Hawaii for a week. She's sick. Meanwhile, this paperwork is going to sit on my desk. For a week. Is that clear? One week. Lisbon: Yes, sir. Thank you. Minelli: Yes, be very grateful. Do not contact me. I do not want to know anything. And please do not dig the hole that you are standing in any deeper than you have already dug it. Lisbon: No, sir. Minelli: That hole is the grave of your very promising career. Lisbon [mischievously]: You should put a flashlight underneath your chin, just to complete the effect. Minelli: I'm not kidding. Lisbon: I know. [She leaves, and Minelli gives a small smile of amusement.] Jane, sitting on a step next to some garbage, looking defeated. He's holding the piece of paper that Mrs Renfrew gave him with the housekeeper's address on it. Flashback to him finding the note on the door and the smiley face the night his family was killed. His phone ringing brings him back to the present. He answers. Jane [on the phone]: Hey Lisbon. [Listens] Oh yeah fine. Uh, just, uh, out... investigating stuff. [Listens] Uh, sure, yeah. Pepperoni or plain? [Listens] Okay. [Listens] Uh, hey, Lisbon, um, thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] The bullpen. Night. Jane, Lisbon, Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt are sitting around a table eating pizza. Jane: Renfrew couldn't dispute the physical evidence. The core of his defence was that he loved Andine deeply and he would never hurt her. Andine's mother testified that was a lie. I went to go speak with her but she'd moved, left no forwarding address. Van Pelt: Mariska Kopecki, right? [She starts typing on her laptop.] Jane: Yeah. Lisbon: How does the brother look? Jane: He had motive. There's a moral turpitude clause in the family trust. Once convicted, all Jared's shares in the family business went to Gardner. But he would have also go the shares if Jared had died. Rigsby: So why not just kill Jared? Why kill Andine? Jane: Exactly. Why kill Andine? Cho: Wanted to see Jared suffer, maybe. Or had a thing for Andine himself. Van Pelt [looking at her computer]: Eureka. I input Mariska Kopecki into the secure search engine. I get an IM link to a healthcare database that documents Mariska Kopecki's notification that she's changing her name to Vanna Clooney. I input the new name and get a hit. Four months ago someone named VK Clooney bought a condo in Marin. Lisbon: Nice work. Van Pelt: Yeah, weird thing though. The original IM came from a civilian. Dr Joe in New Hampshire. He couldn't have been logged onto the DOJ secure network, so how did he know what I was asking about and how did he have access to the healthcare database? Nobody is allowed to do that. Jane: When you say Dr Joe in New Hampshire, do you mean DR JOE N.H.? [He changes the letters to read RED JOHN.] Van Pelt: Yeah. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Jane: Ask 'Who are you?' [She types this and gets a response ".....: -) ..... Is Jane there?" The smiley is in red.] Yes. [He types "This is Jane." And gets a response "Keep up the good work."] Keep up the good work. [He types "Why?" and tries to trace the IM, but it fails.] Van Pelt: He's gone. Rigsby: What the hell was that about? Van Pelt: He somehow tapped into the DOJ secure network. He's been spying on us. Lisbon: Can we find the source of the IM? Van Pelt: There's a self-destruct code built into the uplink. It dead ends at the secondary server. There's no way to trace it back. Jane: He wants us to succeed. He wants Renfrew out of jail. Rigsby: Out where he can get at him to silence him. Jane: Yes. Which means Renfrew is telling the truth, which means he has the goods on Red John. Lisbon: Slow down. We don't have anything yet. Jane: Yes, we still have to get Renfrew out of jail first. Lisbon: That's all? Jane: An we will and then Red John will go after him. He has to break cover, he has to, and we'll be waiting for him. Vanna Clooney's apartment. Lisbon knocks on the door and takes out her badge. Jane: Uh. Lisbon: Damn. [She puts her badge away.] Jane: How are you going to get us in there without your magic badge? Lisbon: You do the talking. Jane: No, you try. Lisbon: Don't be childish, I'm not... [the door opens] Vanna: Oh, I thought it was Harry. Who are you? Lisbon: Hi. Vanna Clooney? Vanna: Yes. Lisbon: I'm Teresa and this is Patrick. Can... can we come in for a moment? [Jane is watching Lisbon with amusement.] Vanna: What do you want? [Lisbon looks pleadingly at Patrick.] Jane: It's to do with Harry. Vanna: What about him? Jane: Well, it's best not to speak out here in public. Inside Vanna's apartment, Jane and Lisbon sit with Vanna in her living room. Jane: Okay, I lied just now. We're here to talk about your daughter, Andine. [Vanna looks furious and stands up.] Vanna: Get out. Jane: Sit down. [She sits.] Vanna: Who are you? Jane: Listen to me, or your guilt and pain and shame won't ever go away. It won't go away until you tell the truth. Vanna: What truth? What are you crazy? You don't know me. You don't know what I feel. Jane: I do know you. When you first came to this country, a young woman, you dreamed of such great things, what a life you'd have. And what did fate bring you? Twenty-five years of drudgery, a servant's life. You hated every day of it. Vanna: Who wants to be a servant? Nobody. Jane: You did it for her, for Andine, so that she would have a better life. Vanna: Yes. Jane: Then she was gone, taken from you in a flash. Your whole life, all those days of drudgery and humiliation wasted. What a joke, huh? Vanna: Yes, a joke, haha. What do you want from me? Jane: I want to know who killed her. Vanna: What's it matter who killed her? She's gone. Jane: Well, you didn't say Jared. That would be the obvious answer. Vanna: Okay, Jared killed her. I don't care. Jane: It's true. There's nothing you can do that will bring her back. So if you get paid to lie about what happened, then where's the harm? Vanna: What? Paid? Nobody paid me anything. Jane: Don't lie to me. Tell me the truth. You took your 20 pieces of silver and bought the life you always wanted, didn't you? Vanna: No. Jane: It's what you always wanted. It means nothing. Lisbon: Jane. Jane: Look at me, Mariska. Look at me and tell me I'm wrong. Vanna: You think you know everything. You know nothing. Jane: I know that Jared and Andine were lovers, weren't they? And you were paid to say that they weren't. Say it out loud. Vanna: Yes, they were lovers. Jane: Who paid you to say that they weren't? Vanna: I don't know. What you call a... a private investigator, he came to me and he offered me a lot of money. A lot of money, but I said no. He offered more. I took it. Lisbon: What was his name? Vanna: Samson. Austin Samson. Lisbon talking on the phone in the bullpen, walking towards Jane's desk. Lisbon: Okay, Cho. Thank you. [She hangs up.] Austin Samson is dead. Jane: What? Lisbon: Hit by a bus. Jane: Damn. Lisbon: We could get a court order for his records. Jane: Remember, you're on suspension. Lisbon: If we don't get this closed up before Minelli gets back, we're done. Jane: Plan B, then. Lisbon: What's Plan B? Jane: Oh, you're not going to like it. Lisbon and Rigsby are at the Renfrew house. Breck answers the door. Lisbon shows her badge. Lisbon: We need to speak with your husband, Ma'am. In the passage outside the room where Andine died. Gardner, Breck and Mrs Renfrew approach Lisbon and Rigsby. Gardner: Who is the Agent in charge here? Lisbon: I'm Agent Lisbon. This is Agent Rigsby. And I believe you've met my colleague, Patrick Jane? [Jane pops out from a side passage.] Jane: Hello. I expect you're all wondering why I gathered you all here? Gardner: Breck, go call the police. Jane: Ah, Mr Renfrew, wait. Unless you want your family ruined in a deluge of sordid scandal, you might want to listen to me. Gardner: What are you talking about? Jane: Someone, I don't know who, paid Mariska Kopecki a lot of money to lie about Jared and Andine. They were lovers, as your brother said. Gardner: So what? The fact is, they were found in a locked room. It's not physically possible for someone to have gotten into the room to commit the murder. Jane: Yes. There's the rub. The key was in the door. Watch closely. [Jane hands his jacket to Lisbon with a flourish, gets the key from above the door and unlocks and opens the door.] Rigsby. Would you please go inside and lock the door. [Rigsby hands Jane a newspaper he is holding, takes the key and does as Jane asked. Jane unfolds the newspaper.] Suppose Jared and Andine are inside sleeping. [He slides the newspaper under the door and uses a pen to knock the key out of the door and onto the newspaper, which he then slides back out through the gap under the door. He unlocks the door with a flourish, lets Rigsby out and hands him back the newspaper.] Breck: That's all very clever, but how do you get out again? Jane locks the door from the outside, lays the key on the floor, gets some fishing line, which he twangs theatrically, before feeding it through the keyhole and back out under the door. He loops the end around the bottom of the key and pulls the other end so that the key is pulled up into the keyhole. Jane: May I borrow your lighter, please? [Gardner hands him his lighter.] Thank you. [He burns the fishing line where it disappeared into the keyhole, and throws the lighter back to Gardner.] And that is how Jared was framed. Cool, huh? Gardner: It doesn't mean Jared is innocent and it certainly doesn't mean that someone else is guilty. It's a party trick. Jane: A party trick a jury will love. Put that together with Mariska's testimony and I think we have a pretty good chance of winning a new trial. Then the truth will come out, somehow. Unless... Gardner: Unless what? Lisbon: Unless we can make some kind of financial deal here that would make it worth our while dropping all of this. Gardner: You want money? You're blackmailing us? Jane: Eh, call it leverage. Mrs Gardner: But you're state agents! Lisbon: Ex-state agents. Thanks to your son here, Jane was tossed out and we're going with him. We need to look after ourselves now. We won't be unreasonable. Gardner: You people are a disgrace! Get out! Jane: Oh, we're going. We'll give you until four to call us with an offer. After that we're going to make some calls of our own. [He takes his jacket from Lisbon and they start walking away.] Gardner: I'll tell you who I'm calling. I'm calling the FBI! Outside the Renfrew home. Rigsby: Am I wrong, or did that go down not quite as you'd hoped? Jane: I've had better responses, but I think we made a sale. Never can tell. Lisbon: We're doomed. In the bullpen, just before 4pm. Jane: Patience. Patience. Patience. [He's sitting with the phone on his lap.] Rigsby: If you say patience one more time... [He's doing a Rubik's Cube. Cho and Lisbon are sitting tensely, waiting. Jane's cell phone rings on his desk. He jumps up and answers it.] Jane: Hello. [Listens.] I'll be right there. [Hangs up.] Lisbon: Who was that? [Jane turns and smiles at her. She smiles back.] The Renfrew's garden. Jane walks out to where Mrs Renfrew is sitting having tea. Jane: I confess. I thought it would be Gardner who called me. Mrs Renfrew: Gardner! [She chuckles.] He hasn't the gumption. I will not see our family name dragged through the mud again. How much do you want to keep quiet? Jane: Hmm. How much did you give Mariska? Mrs Renfrew: I don't say I paid her anything. Jane: You needn't be evasive. Only a guilty person would respond this way to such naked extortion. I know you're guilty. I'm just not sure why. [He sits down.] Mrs Renfrew: Your suspicions are neither here nor there. I asked you your price. Jane: Your late husband was a handsome man. Mrs Renfrew: Yes, he was. What's that got to do with it? Jane: Domineering, though. Had to have things his way. He died how long after the murder? Mrs Renfrew: A week. Aortic aneurism. Jane: Hm. And Mariska, she left your employ when? Mrs Renfrew: At the same time. Jane: After he died, though? Mrs Renfrew: Yes. [Jane grins. He points at the tea.] Jane: May I? [She nods.] Thank you. [He pours some tea.] So you got rid of her as soon as you could after he died, because Andine was your husband's child, wasn't she? Mrs Renfrew: Yes. Jane: And you never confronted him or Mariska? Mrs Renfrew: No. I decided I liked my life as it was. I didn't want a drama and I didn't want to be lied to. They never knew I suspected. Jane: 18 years of secret anger. How did you stand it? Mrs Renfrew: Nobody's life is perfect. Jane: And then when you found out about Andine and Jared's affair, you must have been enraged. It's practically incest. Mrs Renfrew: It is. It is incest. When I found out, I told Jared he was not to continue the affair. He refused. Said he was in love with her. Refused to stop seeing her. Jane: Didn't you tell him why you objected? Mrs Renfrew: Certainly not. I couldn't tell him. It was too sordid. Too humiliating. Jane: Instead you killed Andine, paid off her mother and sent your son to jail for life. Mrs Renfrew: No. I wouldn't do that. [She gets her bag and takes out a vial of blood.] Andine's blood. [Flashback to her seeing Andine and Jared kissing and going into his room. We then see them asleep and her getting into the locked room as Jane had shown, cutting Andine's throat and catching some blood in the vial.] It's proof I did it. I took it so I could confess and get Jared freed when I chose. Just as soon as he'd learned his lesson. Jane: What lesson? Mrs Renfrew: Everything in moderation. And listen to your mother. Jane: Can't argue with that. CBI HQ. Two weeks later. Cho and Rigsby are getting their guns and gear ready. Jane: Good? Rigsby: Yip. Jane goes to Lisbon's office. She's sitting at her desk. He pops his head in the doorway. Jane: We're ready to go get Renfrew. Is the safe house all set up? Lisbon: Yeah. Jane: Good. [They look at each other.] I guess I'll see you over there later. Lisbon: Jane, please be careful. Remember this is playing out just like Red John wants it to. Jane: This is playing out just like it has to. He has no choice but to try and silence Renfrew. He has to show himself. We're getting close. I can feel it. Lisbon: You can feel it. Like a psychic thing? Jane [smiling]: No. I am quietly confident that we will get a bite. Lisbon: You think you're playing him and he thinks he's playing you. One of you is wrong. He smiles and leaves. Jane, Cho and Rigsby wait by their SUV outside the prison. A guard brings out Jared. Jared: Thank you. Thank you. [He hugs Jane.] Jane: I kept my side of the bargain. Now it's your turn. Tell what you know. Jared: Absolutely. All will be revealed, but... here? Give me a chance to catch a breath of fresh air. And then we will sit and talk as long as you like and I've got a lot to tell and I owe you. Big time. I owe you my life. In the meantime, uh, I would kill for a cheese burger and fries. Jane: Drive through. Rigsby: Put this on. [Hands him a bullet-proof vest.] Jared: Can't you say please? I'm a free man now. Rigsby [sighs]: Put this on, please. Jared: Sure. They drive into a crowd of protestors carrying posters that say "Fur is evil", "Save the Earth" and "Meat is murder" and get stuck. Rigsby: What the hell is this? Oh, geez, come on! Cho: Relax. Jared suddenly throws his coffee in Cho's face, jumps out the car and disappears into the crowd. Jane, Rigsby and Cho give chase, but he's vanished. Jane looks distraught. CBI HQ. Lisbon: He vanished 5 hours ago and we've heard nothing from him since. The town was on pretty good lock-down, so we're guessing he had friends to get him out of the area fast. Minelli: Planned it in advance, probably. [Cho throws slams the ball he's holding angrily into the ground.] Lisbon: Would you stop that! It's not your fault. Cho: Well, whose fault is it then? It's mine. I have to accept that. Jane: Ah, actually it's my fault. Okay everyone? My fault. Lisbon: What's done is done. Focus on now. We need to get to Renfrew before Red John does. Where is he now? Who are his friends? What are his options? Jane's cell starts to ring. He goes to his jacket, which is by his desk, fishes it out and answers it. Jane: Hello. Jared: Mr Jane. I just wanted to call and apologise for letting you down. (Jane waves his arm to the others to let them know that he's on the phone with Jared.) Jane: Hello Jared. Cut to Jared sitting in a motel room watching a hooker undressing. As the conversation continues, we cut between Jane looking out of the window at the CBI and Jared in the motel room. Jared: It was dishonourable, I know, but crossing Red John just seems too dangerous. Jane: You've already crossed him. You need our protection. Jared: I haven't given you a thing. Jane: How is he to know that? Jared: Oh, he'll know. He'll know. Like I said, I have friends and they'll put in a good word for me. Jane: Friends. What friends? Who? Jared: Ah. Wouldn't you like to know? Jane: Jared, listen to me. You can't trust them. They're not your friends. Jared: Vaya con Dios, amigo. [He hangs up.] Jane: Jared. [He hangs up.] Damn fool. Red John probably already has his location. Lisbon [turning to Van Pelt]: Did you trace the line? Van Pelt: Yes, I'm tracking the call now. Jane: He's in Tijuana, Mexico, in a motel room with a hooker. Minelli: Because? Jane: He wouldn't call if he didn't think he was out of our reach. I could hear Latin music and sirens and horns and a whole neighbourhood in the background, which suggests thin walls and a city. Hence Tijuana motel room. Lisbon: And the hooker? Jane: He needs to use somebody's phone and he has been in prison for a year, hence the hooker. Van Pelt: The phone belongs to Juana Porfiria Braga, Calle Rojas 65, Tijuana, Mexico. Five arrests on prostitution charges. Let me get a location on the call. Minelli: I'll go reach out to the federal police in Tijuana. [To Rigsby and Cho] You boys come with me. Cho: Yes, sir. Minelli, Cho and Rigsby leave. Lisbon walks up to Jane. Jane: Go ahead, say it. Lisbon: Say what? Jane: You told me, you warned me, you get the privilege of saying 'I told you so'. Lisbon: It's all right. Not now. This isn't over yet. We're gonna find Renfrew and he's gonna tell us what he knows. Van Pelt: Got it. Motel Corona Del Norte. Zoom in on Google Earth map to Motel Corona Del Norte, Paseo de las Aguas 1618,Zona Rio, Tijuana, BC. A local cop breaks in the door. Rigsby and Lisbon come in, guns raised, with Jane behind them. Rigsby turns on the bathroom light, puts away his gun and runs out the motel room. Lisbon approaches next, putting away her gun. We see in the reflection in the mirror that she's seeing a Red John smiley and Jared and the hooker, bloody and dead in the bathtub. There is bloody writing on the wall. She looks shocked and walks away. Jane comes and peers in cautiously. The writing says "He is Mar". He backs away to where Lisbon is standing. The bodies are being carried out in black body bags. Jane and Lisbon are sitting next to each other on the unmade bed. They're not looking at each other. Jane: Well, you can say it now. Lisbon: I don't really feel like saying it. Let me take a rain check on that. Jane: Sure. Lisbon: What do you think it means? Jane: It means Red John is far more powerful than I ever thought. He's been way ahead of me this whole time. Lisbon: I mean the writing on the wall. Jane: Oh. [He looks at her.] I have no idea. [She's looking at him now.] Lisbon: Well, it's a good clue, though, isn't it? Jared was trying to tell us something important. Jane: Maybe. [She touches him on the arm.] Lisbon: Next time. We'll get him. Jane: Next time. [They both looked pained at the idea of a next time.] A cell-phone starts to play a Latin tune. It's the hooker's phone lying on the table. Jane answers and hears breathing. Jane: Hello. A voice laughs evilly on the other end. END.

Jared Renfrew ( Todd Stashwick ), an inmate serving twenty-five to life for murdering his family housekeeper's daughter, contacts Jane about having information on Red John that he will reveal if Jane will prove his innocence. Minelli disapproves of reopening the case, but Jane needs to find out the truth so he quits CBI, and the rest of the team takes a week's suspension to help him. After delving into the Renfrew family affairs, Jane makes a disturbing discovery that Jared's mother committed the murder and framed Jared, after learning he was in love with the housekeeper's daughter and that the girl was her husband's child from an affair. Following the mother's confession, Jared is released, but slips from sight before revealing anything about Red John. When CBI hunts him down in Mexico, they find Red John has gotten to him first, leaving behind only some cryptic words to the information he had.

fd_The_Office_03x20

fd_The_Office_03x20_0

Andy: Good morning, Pam. Pam: Oh, welcome back, Andy. Andy: Drew. I'm Drew now. Pam: Oh. Drew. Sorry. Andy: Apology not... accepted. Because it wasn't even necessary in the first place. [laughs] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Several weeks ago, Andy Bernard had an incident. [cut to shot of Andy punching a hole in the wall] But after five weeks in Anger Management, I'm back. And I've got a new attitude. And a new name. And... a bunch of new techniques for dealing with the grumpies. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Mornin' Jim. Jim: Hey, Andy. How are you, man? Andy: Good. Drew. Jim: What's that? Andy: Dr--- You can call me Drew. Jim: No, I'm not gonna call you that. Andy: Cool. I can't control what you do. I can only control what I do. Jim: Andy. Andy: Drew. [walks to Dwight] Dwight. How's it goin' man? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Yes, I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years. Which I'm looking forward to. It's an Amish technique. It's like slapping someone with silence. I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday... for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned. Jim: Andy, Dwight says welcome back, and he could use a hug. Dwight: Ok, tell him that's not true. Jim: Dwight says that he actually doesn't know one single fact about bear attacks. Andy: You guys... Dwight: Ok, no. Jim, tell him that bears can climb faster than they can run. Jim! Tell him! Jim: [half-heartedly] Andy! Nah, that's too far. Dwight: Damn you. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Today is Safety Training Day. Toby is leading ours upstairs. Yeauck. But, I am giving everyone a little bit of a treat. We are going to listen in on Darryl's presentation to the warehouse. And if I know Darryl, it gonna be zoppity. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Now, this is the forklift. You need--- [Michael rattles it] You need a license to operate this machine. That means the upstairs office workers can't drive it. ... Quiz! Mike. Michael: Hmm. Darryl: Should you drive the forklift? Michael: I can, and I have. Darryl: No! No no no no no! I said should you. You should not drive it. You should not drive the forklift, you understand? Lonny: You're not allowed to drive the forklift. Darryl: It's not safe, you don't have a license. Michael: Guys, I'm not the only one who's driven the forklift. [points] Pudge has driven the forklift. Madge: Madge. Michael: I thought your name was Pudge? Madge: No, it's always been Madge. Michael: Okay. Um, her. Darryl: Her. Yes, "her" is qualified to work a dangerous machine. You are not. Okay? Michael: Ah, fine. Darryl: Do you understand that? Michael: Yeeesh. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: We do safety training every year, or after an accident. ... We've never made it a full year. This particular time, I was reaching for a supply box on the top shelf, when one office worker, who shall remain nameless, kicked the ladder out from under me and yelled... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [barely keeping his composure] "Hey Darryl, how's it hangin'?!" [laughs] [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: And I fell and busted my ankle. I'm legitimately scared for my workers. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: The baler can flatten a car engine. It can cut off your arm and crush your entire body without skipping a beat. Dwight: Yeah! Andy: It's on! Darryl: How many people a year do you think get their arms cut off in a baler? Michael: Bail'er? I hardly know her. Lonny: Dammit, Michael. Pay attention, man. Darryl: Anybody wanna take a guess? Anybody? Kevin: Five bucks says it's over 50. Jim: You really wanna bet? Darryl: Anybody? Kevin: Ever since March Madness ended, I am so bored. Guy: How many? Jim: Ok, you're on. Darryl: Ten people, Michael. Ten people. Would you like to be one of them? Kevin: [mouths] Damn... Darryl: [in background] You have to be alert, and calm. And always careful... Jim: No, don't worry about it. We'll just got double or nothin'. Kevin: On what? Jim: I don't know, we'll figure somethin' out. Kevin: Nice. Oscar: What are you guys talkin' about? Darryl: These are very dangerous machines down here, and the upstairs workers, Michael, should not go anywhere near them. Michael: Yes, yes. But it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world... if somebody... Darry: It would be the worst thing in the world! It would! Very much so. Lonny: What the hell is wrong with this man? Michael: It's a big red trash compactor! Lonny: What are you--- Darryl: It's not a trash compactor! It's a baler! Lonny: Don't disrespect the baler! Michael: Okay, okay! I got it. I got it. ... Only on the rarest of occasions... Darryl: No do not touch it! Michael: ...would I go near--- Darryl: There is no occasion for you to go near this stuff, okay? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Toby now has the floor... and he is going to try not to screw this up, like everything else in his life. Let me rephrase that. I believe that you can do safety training and make it sound just as good as Darryl. Here we go! Toby: Ok, um, one thing that you're gonna want to look out for is carpal tunnel syndrome. It's recommended that you take a ten minute break from typing every hour. For your circulation, you're gonna want to get up out of your chairs and uh, and move around about ten minutes every hour. Michael: Yes, good. Fine. Like stretching and... Toby: Um, yeah. You're computer screen can be a big strain on your eyes, so uh, it's also recommended that you step away for about... about ten minutes every hour. Michael: Wow, that is... that time really adds up. That's like... a half an hour, every hour? Darryl: Take them at the same time. Michael: Ok, you know what? You're making it sound kind of lame. So, skip ahead to the really dangerous stuff. Like sometimes computers can explode, can they not? Toby: No, no. Um, you always want to keep a sweater or cardigan of some sort, in case it gets drafty. Ryan: What about a long sleeve T? Toby: Well, that'll work. Kevin: Long johns? A shaw? Toby: You know, anything that warms you. Michael: Ok, you know what? I think that everybody is going to vomit due to boredom. [to warehouse guys] Sorry, he is very lame. [takes book from Toby] Um, let's see. "Seasonal affective disorder! A depression that includes weight gain, fatigue, irritability, brought on by the low light of winter." Darryl: Thank God we only had a baler to deal with. Lonny: Yeah, that dim light is a bitch, ain't it? Michael: Ok guys, you know what? I didn't--- I didn't interrupt when you were having your presentation. Darryl: Actually, you did. Michael: Yes. Okay, let's do another one. This is a good one. "A particular concern for office workers is a sedimentary life style, which can contribute---" Toby: Sedentary. Michael: Yes. "Which can contribute to heart disease." Heart disease kills more people that balers. Lonny: That's called having a fat butt, Michael. Michael: Mmmm, no, no, it's... sedentary... Lonny: Yeah, yeah. That's, that's fat butt disease. That's what you suffer from? Michael: No. Lonny: Fat butt disease, Michael? Kelly: Excuse me, sea monster, you weigh like a thousand pounds. Lonny: Yeah? I bet you'd like to swim with this sea monster, wouldn't you? Kelly: Ryan? Lonny: Dude, tell your girl to shut up. Kelly: What?! Ryan: Kelly, you insulted the gentleman. Please apologize. Kelly: Are you kidding me? Darryl: Alright, we outta here. Michael: Darryl, I did not walk out in the middle of yours. So, I--- Lonny: Yeah, but ours was real, Michael. Darryl: That's what I've been trying to tell you, Mike. It's serious down there. We do dangerous stuff, man. This is shenanigans, foolishness, Nerf-ball. You live a sweet, little, Nerf-y life. Sittin' on your biscuit. Never havin' to risk it. Michael: Okay. ... What, Nerf isn't cool anymore? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Darryl thinks he is such a man because he works in a warehouse. I worked in a warehouse. Men's Warehouse. I was a greeter. I'd like to see Darryl greet people. Probably make 'em feel like wimps. Not me, I... "Hello, I'm Michael. Welcome to Men's Warehouse. We have a special on khaki pants today." ... This is one example. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [Pam is holding a jar of jellybeans] Ten. Oscar: Really, ten? That's your guess? You're a professional accountant. Jim: There's like ten green ones. Oscar: Forty-two. Jim: I'm gonna say fifty. Karen: Fifty-one. Jim: Oh, don't be that person. Kevin: That is lame. Karen: It's a strategy! Pam: It's called being smart. Karen: Thank you. Kevin: Oh, geeze. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I don't know how the whole betting thing started, but it's fun. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Ten... Jim: Kev's out. Kevin: Damn it. Pam: 47, 48, 49! Jim wins! Everyone: Oooh! [Jim claps] Kevin: That is not fair. He has spent hours up here at reception with you. Hours and hours. Jim: Okay, okay. Kevin: No, constantly. Like, for years. Jim: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Pam, depression is as scary as a baler, right? Pam: I don't understand the question. Michael: Working in an office can lead to depression. Which can lead to suicide. I mean this is really serious stuff. Pam: Yeah... Michael: I--- I--- Nobody commits suicide because they work with a baler, and yet those guys are makin' fun of me, calling me a Nerf, that... Pam: It's really hard to demonstrate depression. Their safety training had visuals. Michael: Yeah... you are... ah, so right. They had visual aids. And all we had were the facts. You don't go to the science museum and get handed a pamphlet on electricity. You go to the science museum and you put your hand on a metal ball, your hair sticks up straight... and you know science. Pam: So, you're okay? Michael: Indubitably. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: They use props. They use visual aids, and they just made us look like dopes. Dwight: Idiots! God, what are we gonna do!? Michael: I don't know, I don't know. Because you know what our killer is? Depression--- Dwight: Wolves. Michael: Nn--- Depression. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Visual aids. Michael: Yes. Dwight: A quilt. Depression quilt? Micheal: No time to sew a quilt. ... I got it. Give me the number for the Giant Big Box Toy Store. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: You may be asking yourself, "What am I doing on a trampoline?" Well, I thought I'd bounce here for a while, relieve some stress, and then move on with my day. Not! Here's the plan. Dwight, is going to gather all of the office workers and all of the warehouse guys, we're going to have another safety seminar. Only this time, where's Michael? Oh my God! He is on the roof! Now I have got their attention. I... tell them, about the cold hard facts of depression. And then I say, "Hey! You ever seen a suicide?" And I jump. And they freak out. And they get to see... the dangers of depression with their own eyes. Nice side note[/b]: They might think "Hey, I should have been nicer to Michael." But that's... not why I'm doing this... Then, I land on the trampoline, take a couple extra bounces for fun. I climb off, walk around the corner... Ta-freakin'-da! [Dwight nods] [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: So then the next movie moves to the top of the queue. So number five becomes number four, number six becomes number five, [Ryan checks his watch]number three becomes number two, etc, etc. And let's just say that I just sent back Love Actually, which was awesome. [Karen lays money down on the desk next to Ryan] And they sent me Uptown Girls, which is also awesome. But guess what, now I want to see love actually again, [Phyllis throws her money down] but it's at the bottom of the que! Oh no, what do I do!? [Creed throws his money down] What I do, is this. I go online, I go click, click, click. And I change the order of the que, so that I can see Love Actually [Pam throws her money down] as soon as I want to. It's so easy, Ryan. Do you really not know how Netflix works? [Jim throws his money down] Ryan: I guess I forgot. [kisses Kelly, gathers up all the money] Kelly: You're such a ditz. Kevin: Ryan, well done. Two minutes, forty-two seconds. Additionally, Pam, you win ten because she said "awesome" 12 times, and Jim, you win five because she mentioned six romantic comedies. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [on the roof] Okay, let's do this thing! I'll go summon the troops! Michael: Maybe we should test it first. Letterman-style. Throw a TV over, or... Dwight: We measured it once... Michael: Go buy some watermelons. Dwight: Seedless? Michael: Just... [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: [Creed takes a bite of an apple] Creed is eating an apple. I found a potato. Pam: Hey Creed. Creed: Hey! Pam: Hey. Creed: Hello. [Jim replaces Creed's apple with a potato][Creed takes a bite of the potato] Pam: Yes! Kevin: Here you go. [hands money] Toby: Nice. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: I don't know this place as well as I thought I did. I'm getting cleaned out. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Ready? Michael: Let's do it! Drop that sucker. Dwight: [drops watermelon, watermelon bounces off trampoline, onto a car, bursts, car alarm sounds] Michael: BINGO! WHOA WHOA WHOA! Oh... crap. Deactivate the car alarm. Clean up the mess. Dwight: Okay. Michael: Find out whose car that is. If it's Stanley's, call the offices of James P. Albini, see if he handles hate crimes. Dwight: Got it. Michael: Also, take apart the trampoline, stick it in the baler. Dwight: We're not allowed to use the baler. Michael: Have Pa--adge do it, or... the sea monster. Dwight: I'm on it! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I'm temporarily lifting the shun. Andy: Thank you. Dwight: It means nothing. I need you to do something for me. Andy: Anything. Dwight: Okay, calm down. I need you to acquire an inflatable house, and/or castle. Andy: You mean a moon bounce. Dwight: What do you think? You've got an hour. Andy: I'm gonna need... I'm gonna need petty cash. Dwight: Shunning resumed. Andy: Do you, do you want a drawbridge? Dwight: Un-shun. Yeah that sounds good. Re-shun. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Oh yeah, this is much better. Safer. Excellent decision. Michael: Yes, thank you for seeing that. Dwight: When you land, try and land like an eight year-old. These bouncy castles are not designed for adults. Michael: I don't know if I wanna do this. Dwight: Do you wanna do another test? I got plenty of watermelons in my trunk! Michael: No. No more. The tests are going terrible. If we keep doing it, we're not gonna want to jump. This is about doing, not thinking. Dwight: That's right! Doing! Totally doing! It's rock n' roll! Michael: Rock n' roll! Dwight: Yeah! Michael: That's right! I am not thinking. Dwight: [imitating the sound and playing an air guitar] Near near near near near! Michael: Yes! Yeah! Dwight: [singing] Michael is awesome! Jumpin' off the roof! Michael: Woo! Dwight: [singing] Bouncin' on the bouncy bounce! Show 'em who's boss! Michael: Woo! Dwight: [singing] Rip a hole in the suuuuuuun! Michael: I am ready to do this! I am ready to make a point! [Dwight continues air guitar] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [out of breath] Guys! Listen up! Michael is up on the roof, and acting strange! Andy: Whoa! What's the situation? Dwight: [hesitates] Un-shun. I think he's suffering from depression. Re-shun. Andy: Ok, when's the shunning thing gonna end? Dwight: Un-shun. Never. Re-shun. I think he wants you all to come out to the parking lot and watch him die! Stanley: Is it nice outside? Dwight: It's gorgeous. Let's go! Stanley: Do I need my jacket? Dwight: No really, it's, it's very nice. Come on! Ryan: Will I be too warm in a long sleeve T? Dwight: Everybody's gonna be fine in exactly what they're wearing, let's go! Let's go! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [outside] Come on, hurry up you guys! Michael: [on the roof] My life! Oh, my life... Dwight: [on megaphone] Michael, what's wrong?! Michael: Everything's wrong. The stress of my modern office, has caused me to go into a depression. Dwight: Depression? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out? Michael: Dwight, you ignorant slut. Depression is a very serious illness. Over 32 thousand people commit suicide every year! According to a 2004 study! Dwight: Is that the last year the data was available? Michael: Yes! My head is in such pain! And turmoil! Dwight: Don't do anything rash! Michael: Wait, where are the warehouse guys? Dwight: I didn't... [Dwight runs up to the side of the building] I didn't think you needed them for this part. Michael: Okay... that's... Dwight: you said to just... Michael: That's the whole point, dummy. Dwight: Okay, I'm on it! Michael: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Attention blue collar workers! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: What are the odds that this is in any way real? Jim: I'd say like... 10,000 to 1? Kevin: Okay, I'd like ten bucks on those odds. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: If someone gives you 10,000 to 1 on anything, you take it. If John Mellencamp ever wins an Oscar, I am going to be a very rich dude. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Michael's up on the roof and he's acting strange! Michael: Oooooh, my life! Dwight: Michael! What's wrong? Michael: Everything is wrong, Dwight. The stress of my modern office, has made me depressed. Dwight: Depressed? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out? Michael: Dwight, you ignorant slut. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Well, you know, the first performance was a little off. But I really think they hit their stride, in the second show. Um, might even bring my parents tomorrow, to the matinee. Michael: And that is why, I am going to jump off this roof! Jim: Oh, excuse me. It's my... favorite part. [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: This is just offensive. Ryan: At least we're outside. [SCENE_BREAK] Creed: [zipping up his pants] Hey, check it out, there's a... there's a castle over there. Jim: Oh my God, there is a castle. Dwight: No, there's nothing to see over there, people! There's nothing to see. ...They found the castle, Michael. Michael: Damn it. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Oh... God. Oh my God, he's gonna jump. Jim: Oh. He's going to kill himself, pretending to kill himself. Pam: Yeah... [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey uh, Michael. Don't jump on the bouncy castle. You can't do that, because you're going to get horribly, horribly injured. Pam: Hey Michael! I have a present for you, but you have to come down and get it. Michael: What is it? Pam: Come down and... open it and you'll see. Michael: Dwight, find out what the present is. Dwight: Okay, uh... I don't see anything. She might be bluffing. Jim: Dwight... Pam: Dwight, what are you--- Dwight: Oh... It's uh, a Repliee Q1 Expo female robot, they're only available in Japan. Michael: Dwight, you are such a liar. Pam, really, what is it? Darryl: Mike, this is the opposite of safety. You jump, you're gonna serious hurt yourself. Michael: You told me, that I lead a... cushy, wimpy, Nerf life. Darryl: Yeah, but I never said you had nothing to live for. Michael: What do I have to live for? Darryl: A lot... of things. Uh, you, uh... What about Jan? Lovely, lovely, lovely Jan, man. It's goin' good, right? Michael: It's complicated with Jan. And I don't know where I stand, or what I want. The s*x isn't nearly as good as it used to be. Darryl: Mike, you're a very brave man. I mean, it takes courage just to be you. To get out of bed every single day, knowing full well, you gotta be you. Michael: Do you really mean that? Darryl: I couldn't do it. I--- I ain't that strong. And I ain't that brave. Michael: I'm braver than you? Darryl: Way braver! You Braveheart, man. Michael: I Braveheart. I am. Darryl: Come down, okay? Michael: Okay. Pam, I'm coming down to get my present. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: An office... is as safe as the people in it. And sometimes those people can drive you to do crazy things to show the dangers of the office. That's the danger I found myself in today. I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero? I really can't say. But, yes.

Michael feels ashamed when, during a safety training course, the warehouse employees make fun of him for having a safer work environment. Determined to show that office life can be dangerous, he decides to demonstrate depression effects by faking a suicide attempt. His plan to jump off of the roof and onto a bouncy castle go awry when the employees discover what he is doing and are forced to talk him down. Meanwhile, Andy attempts to endear himself to Dwight after returning from anger management.

fd_Charmed_06x22

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[Scene: Magic School. In the great hall, Chris stands on the ladder and pulls out a book from the bookshelf. Paige and Gideon are below, writing a spell.] Chris: You know, your time travel section is due for a serious overhaul. I mean, I can find more information Googling. Gideon: Googling? Chris: Never mind. (Chris steps down.) Any luck with that spell yet? Paige: You mean since the last two minutes you asked me? Chris: Look, I'm just getting nervous here, okay? My birthday is in two days, and if I'm not outta here before I'm born Paige: What? Something bad you don't know about could happen? Chris: I just don't want to take any chances. Besides, I came here and did what I had to do, and that was to save Wyatt. Now it's time for me to go home. (Piper and Leo walk in. Leo's pushing Piper's suitcase.) Paige: Sooner than you might think. Chris: Oh, no. No, no, no. Not yet. You're early. Piper: Oh, relax. I'm just getting a jump on things. I'm not in labor. I'm sending some stuff back to the house. Chris: Just don't scare me, okay? Leo: What's the matter? Isn't the spell ready? Gideon: I think it's ready. It should work. Leo: Should work? What do you mean? Gideon: Well, there are no guarantees with time travel, Leo. You should know that better than anyone. Sorry. There's always a chance that something might go wrong. Leo: All right. We're not taking any chances. Chris: We might have to. I'm running out of time here. Leo: No. I'm not sending you through a one-way portal unless I know where you're gonna land. Gideon: You can never be certain, unless, of course, you went too. And even then Leo: All right. Let's just forget the spell and start to work on that potion again. Gideon: But the spell has a better chance of working. It's the Power of Three. Leo: Yes, but if something goes wrong, he'll have extra potion with him and he can come right back. Piper: I agree. It sounds safer, so why don't you guys get to work on that? Paige, can you orb these home for me? Just squeeze them into the nursery or something. Paige: Nursery? Piper: You did clean out the nursery, right? Paige: Yeah. No. I was working on the spell. I'm sorry. Piper: Well, you better hurry, or else Baby Chris will be sleeping in your room. Paige: Yeah, don't worry. I'm all over it. (She goes over to the bags and orbs out.) Piper: Don't forget diapers. Lots of diapers. Chris: Okay. Gotta get outta here. [Scene: Gideon's office. Gideon comes in and closes the door. He goes over to a curtain and pulls it back, revealing a mirror.] Gideon: They're preparing to send the boy home. (Gideon sits down in a chair. His reflection, Evil Gideon, stays standing.) It's time. Evil Gideon: For our plan to work, we have to get the sisters Gideon: And Leo and Chris out of the way. Don't worry. We will. Opening Credits [Scene: Outside Halliwell Manor. Phoebe gets out of her car and heads toward the Manor. A woman walks over to her.] Woman: Hello, Phoebe. Excuse me, Phoebe. Hello. (Phoebe stops and turns around.) Phoebe: Hey, Mrs. Noble. What's up? Mrs. Noble: What's up is you parked in my driveway again. Phoebe: Yeah. Unfortunately, there's nowhere else to park. Mrs. Noble: So I should suffer? Phoebe: Well, you know, Piper's brining home the baby in a couple of days, and I did a little shopping Mrs. Noble: This is getting to be a real problem. Phoebe: You know what? Just do me a favor. Let me run inside and put these bags down, and then I'll come outside and move the car. (A police car pulls up.) You called the patrol guy? Mrs. Noble: This is the third time this week you've blocked me. Phoebe: Yeah, well if your dumpster didn't take up half the block, then I wouldn't have to park in your driveway. (Mrs. Noble's jaw drops. The patrol officer comes over.) Mrs. Noble: This is against neighborhood association rules. Phoebe: (To Patrol Officer) Excuse me, can you write her a citation for that ugly eyesore dumpster there, please? Patrol Officer: Homeowner's got a permit. Phoebe: I don't have time for this. (She leaves. Patrol Officer places a ticket on Phoebe's car.) [Scene: Piper's bedroom. Paige is trying to put the bassinet together. Phoebe enters.] Phoebe: Oh, look at how cute. I remember when baby Wyatt used to fit in there. (Phoebe puts down her bags.) Paige: This is not cute. This is the bassinet from hell. Do you know how to put this together? Phoebe: No, that would be a Leo thing. I still can't believe we're bringing home a baby. (Paige sits on the bed.) Paige: Yeah, well, this baby's not gonna have anywhere to sleep. Phoebe: I know. What made us wait so long to do this baby room? Paige: We were busy trying to keep Wyatt from turning evil. Phoebe: Here, let me help you. (She takes off her jacket.) Paige: Yeah, which I'm glad we did, but it just means that he's gonna need a bedroom. (Phoebe picks up the bassinet.) Phoebe: Yeah, well, even if he was evil, we'd need another bedroom. Paige: Yeah, but now with everybody coming home plus one, we're a room short. Phoebe: Well, I guess I can sleep on the couch. I just really think we need to focus on the baby right now. Paige: And on getting Chris home. Oh, remember him? You know? The nephew? The one you've been avoiding? Phoebe: I am not. Paige: Okay, so why weren't you helping Gideon and I with the spell? Phoebe: Because I was helping Leo trying to find the burdock root. It was very hard to find. It's back-ordered everywhere. (She puts the bassinet down.) You're right. You know what? We're just gonna get Chris a new bassinet. (She sits on the bed.) Paige: I'm gonna miss him, too, you know. Phoebe: It sucks. I mean, I know he's going back to a better future and all. It's just we're just getting to know him you know? Paige: I know. (The doorbell rings.) Phoebe: I forgot to move my car. (She leaves the room.) [Cut to downstairs. Phoebe answers the door.] Phoebe: Sheila. (Sheila is standing in front of her, crying.) Sheila: It's getting to be a habit, isn't it? Me showing up a wreck. [Time lapse. Phoebe and Sheila are sitting on the couch in the living room. Phoebe hands Sheila a box of tissues. She takes one.] Sheila: We never fight, that's the thing. At least we never used to, but lately, Darryl's just been so on edge, you know? Phoebe: Any idea why? Sheila: Actually, I was hoping you might know. Phoebe: Me? Sheila: I went to his work the other day just to say hi and I saw an arrest warrant on his desk, for Chris. Phoebe: Chris? Are-are you sure? Sheila: I'm positive. I even asked him about it, if he was gonna make it go away, and that's when he just lost it. He told me to stay out of it and stay away from you girls from now on. Did something happen that I don't know about? Phoebe: A couple of weeks ago, Darryl got really scared when he was trying to cover up for us, and we felt horrible, you know, but obviously, it really affected him. Sheila: Enough not to cover for Chris? Phoebe: He got really scared. Maybe you just need to give him some time. Sheila: Yeah, but that doesn't help you right now, and it doesn't help Chris. Look, I-I love Darryl, and I-I know this is eating him up inside, but you girls are like family to us. You don't turn your back on family. (Phoebe smiles.) [Scene: Magic School. Chris draws a large triquetra symbol with chalk on the wall.] Chris: I wonder how different the future's gonna be, how much different my life is gonna be. (Chris steps back. Leo walks up to him.) Leo: I just want you to get home safely. Now remember, if anything seems different, we have another vial of this to get back right away. (Leo gives him a potion.) Chris: You worry too much, you know that? I'll be fine. Leo: I'm your father. It's my job to worry. Now listen, when you get back there, you gotta take it easy on Wyatt, okay? You can't hold a grudge. Chris: Hey, as long as he's not Ruler of All Evil, I'm cool. Leo: I'm serious. He's gonna be different. Good. He's not gonna remember he wasn't. So if you really want to change the future, you gotta start with a clean slate. Chris: Okay. Okay, I get it. How about you? Are you starting with a clean slate? Leo: How do you mean? Chris: Like you and mom. Look, all I'm saying is I'd like to know where you two are headed before I go back, that's all. Leo: It's complicated. I'm an Elder. I made a commitment. Chris: So? It's not like you haven't broken the rules before. I'm living proof of that. Leo: Yeah. We'll see. Listen, we have enough of this stuff if you want to try a dry run before everybody gets here. What do you think? Chris: Yeah. Let's do it. (Leo throws the potion at the triquetra. Before it hits the wall, the potion breaks. Leo and Chris fold their arms.) Leo: That should have worked. I'll get you home, buddy, I promise. (Leo turns away. After a moment, Chris does too. Drops of blood appear on the floor, heading out the door.) [Scene: Gideon's office. The door opens. Gideon appears as he pulls down his hood. He has a cut in his left palm. He TKs the door close. He TKs the curtain open. Evil Gideon is licking the blood of his cut on his right hand.] Evil Gideon: Their potion almost certainly would have worked. Gideon: We stopped them just in time, though it Evil Gideon: Wasn't supposed to hurt. (They pull a large glass shard from their palms.) Shall we? (They put their palms up toward each other and heal each other.) Gideons: Thank you. Gideon: At least now they'll be forced to use our spell. Evil Gideon: The sooner the better. Wyatt's magic grows stronger by the day. Gideon: That much power in one being Evil Gideon: Is bound to turn him Gideon: Evil. Evil Gideon: Good. We have to get those that protect him out of the way. Gideon: Starting with Leo and Chris. (There's a knock on the door. The door opens and Leo pokes his head in.) Leo: (Echo) Gideon? (He sees him.) Hey, it looks like we're gonna need that spell after all. Is there an echo in here? Gideon: It's poor acoustics. Have Piper gather her sisters, and I'll get the spell. Leo: Okay. You know, I don't understand what happened. That potion should have worked. Gideon: Like I said, time travel is tricky. You will still be escorting your son? Leo: Well, I think so. I think it's safest, don't you? Gideon: Absolutely. Gather everyone together. I'll be right along. (Leo leaves. Gideon goes back to the mirror and meets Evil Gideon.) Gideons: Here they come. [Scene: Outside Police Station. A police car pulls up into the drive. Phoebe and Paige run to Darryl.] Phoebe: Darryl. Paige: Hey Darryl. Phoebe: Darryl. Stop. (They stop in front of Darryl.) We just need to talk to you. Darryl: We have nothing to talk about. Paige: Look, Chris is going home today to his future home. Phoebe: Yeah, and we were hoping you know, that you could find it in the goodness of your heart, even though we know that you're mad at us, you know, just, throw away his file. Paige: The one with the little arrest warrant in it. Darryl: Apparently, I haven't made myself clear. I am done covering for you. Done. Now if you'll excuse me. (Darryl tries to walk past them, but Phoebe stops him.) Phoebe: Darryl, think about it. Okay? The cops are gonna come for Chris, and what are they gonna find? They're gonna find a little itsy-bitsy baby. Paige: And then they're gonna find us, which risks exposure. Darryl: Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you broke Chris out of jail. Inspector Sheridan thinks that Chris' breakout was an inside job, which, if I'm not careful, could point back to me. I've got a family to think about, too, you know. (He sees Inspector Sheridan.) Great. (She stops next to him.) Inspector Sheridan. Sheridan: Have you seen Chris lately? Phoebe: Chris who? Sheridan: (To Darryl) When you have a minute. (Sheridan and Darryl walk into the office.) Paige: At least Chris isn't gonna have to deal with her in the future. [Scene: Magic school. Leo pushes Wyatt into the Great Hall. Piper walks in. Chris is there.] Chris: Where are Phoebe and Paige? Piper: I'm sure they'll be here soon. Chris: Soon? Soon is when Dad and I have to go. Piper: Dad? What do you mean? (To Leo) Wait, you're gonna go too? Leo: Just long enough to make sure he gets where he needs to be. Piper: And when exactly where you gonna tell me about this? Chris: I told him he didn't have to come. I don't need him. Leo: No. It's too dangerous. Remember the last time you went through a portal? You were almost dinosaur kibble. I have to go. (Gideon comes in.) Gideon: Sorry. I just wanted to go over the spell one more time, make a few tweaks. Piper: Tweaks? Let me see that. (Piper takes the spell from Gideon's hands. Phoebe and Paige orb in.) Chris: Finally. Where have you two been? Paige: Sorry. We were a little, uh held up. Phoebe: But we're here now, so let's get this show on the road, you know? The clock's a-tickin'. Tick-tock, tick-tock. Piper: Since when are you in such a hurry to say goodbye? Phoebe: Well, since something happened with the thing, and the thing, with the thing. Chris: Huh? Phoebe: There's a warrant out for Chris's arrest. Leo: What? Paige: Yeah. I tried to get Darryl to bury it, but he's not on our side anymore. Phoebe: It's okay. We've been through worse. We'll get through this. We'll figure it out. And if you get back to the future and we're in jail, you just have to bust us out. (She smiles.) You just go back to that beautiful, peaceful world that you helped create. (She and Chris hug.) I'm really gonna miss you. Chris: I'll miss you too. Paige: Aw. Here comes the huggin' part. (She gives him a hug. Chris hugs Piper.) Piper: Thank you for coming here. I love you. Chris: I love you so much, mom. Piper: Now go on. Hurry. You be safe. Chris: Thanks for all your help. Gideon: You did a noble thing in coming here. (Chris looks at Wyatt and makes a shooting sound.) Chris: Pow. Be good. (They turn to the triquetra.) Piper/Phoebe/Paige: In this place and in this hour, we call upon the ancient power, open the door through time and space. (The portal opens.) Create a path to another place. (Chris and Leo walk into the portal.) [Scene: Magic School. Leo and Chris walk through the portal and see the Evil Charmed Ones and Evil Gideon standing in front of them. Evil Gideon has a hand on Evil Phoebe's shoulder.] Chris: Where are we? [Cut to Magic School. The portal closes. Evil Leo and Evil Chris are there.] Evil Leo: I have no idea. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Magic School. Takes off from before. Gideon walks up toward Evil Leo.] Gideon: Something's gone wrong. Don't let them leave. (Evil Leo pushes him backward into Phoebe. They fall down. Chris makes a Darklighter's crossbow appear. He fires an arrow at Paige. Piper freezes it.) Piper: Are you out of your mind? (She knocks the arrow down.) Evil Leo: (To Evil Chris) Follow me. (They dark orb out. Piper gasps.) Phoebe: What the hell was that? (She and Gideon stand up.) Gideon: I'm not sure. Paige: You're not sure? Chris just tried to kill me, and you're not sure? We were supposed to send him back to the future, not turn him into a Darklighter. Piper: Excuse me, people. Those were black orbs. Where did they get black orbs from? Phoebe: Breathe. Breathe, Piper. You don't wanna go into labor yet. (Phoebe rubs Piper's stomach.) Paige: Well? Gideon: Perhaps the spell wasn't specific enough. Phoebe: Meaning what? Gideon: Meaning it worked, obviously. It opened up a portal. Not to another time, but to another world. A parallel world, not just any parallel world. One that's the exact reverse of ours. Paige: Reverse like what? Reverse like evil? Gideon: Precisely. You see, it's all part of the grand design. A universe destined to maintain balance. Light and dark, yin and yang, good and evil. For good to prevail in this world, then an equally evil world must also exist. Paige: Well, that's quite a faulty design, isn't it? Gideon: No, it's not Paige. Balance is everything. Without it, the cosmos doesn't spin. Piper: Are you telling me that when our Leo and Chris stepped in there, their evil selves stepped out? Gideon: Yes. It's a mirror world. Whatever happens there happens here. Phoebe: So our Leo and Chris are in their evil world. Piper: Well, we gotta go get them. Phoebe: You can't go get them. You're not going anywhere. Paige: Besides, what about those evil fellas that just came through here? Piper: We'll go get them later. Gideon: Actually, I think you should go after them now. Phoebe: Why? Gideon: Because for every second that they're in our world, they risk throwing off the balance by doing something evil. [Scene: Golden Gate Bridge. Evil Chris drinks some beer as Evil Leo stands by.] Evil Leo: You ever see anything so good? Evil Chris: It's disgusting. Can you believe all the liquor stores are closed in the mornings here? What's up with that? Evil Leo: Didn't stop you from kicking down the door to get in. (Evil Chris nods.) Why didn't you orb in? Evil Chris: What's the fun in that? (He takes another drink. Evil Leo chuckles. Evil Chris drops the beer bottle.) Evil Leo: Strange. Everything seems the same, but kinda different, you know? It's cleaner, it's happier, it's more civilized. (A car crash is heard.) Evil Chris: Now that's what I'm talking about. Evil Leo: This place makes me sick. I gotta get out of here. Evil Chris: Gives you an idea of what kind of awful, saccharine future I came from, why I had to come back and change it so bad. Evil Leo: And I'll always be proud of you for that. You saved Wyatt from turning good. You gave us a second chance. The least I could do is get you back to your future, back to evil. Evil Chris: Thanks, dad. Evil Leo: First we gotta get back to our world, though. We're gonna need the Power of Three to do that. Evil Chris: Well, we can't trust those Pollyanna witches. They're too good. God, who do I have to kill so we can get out of here? Evil Leo: I think I might know somebody, somebody we can use to force the sisters to help us. [Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe is scrying while Paige gets the crystals.] Phoebe: I don't understand. If they're just like our Leo and Chris, then why do we need a crystal cage to trap them? Paige: So they don't try to kill us again, for one thing. Phoebe: Yeah, I don't think they were trying to kill us. I think that they were just surprised, like we were. Paige: Yeah, well, I am not taking any chances. Hey, did you get any hits yet? Phoebe: No, nothing. They must not be doing anything evil. Paige: Yeah, well, if Gideon's right, it's just a matter of time. (In British accent) Besides, we wouldn't want the cosmos to stop spinning, would we? Phoebe: It's so weird to think that there are evil twins of us out there doing the exact same things as we are right now. Paige: I can't think about that. It hurts my brain. (The crystal drops on the map.) Phoebe: Oh! I got them. [Scene: Alleyway. Evil Chris smashes the garbage lid over Darryl, being held by Evil Leo. Darryl's already beaten up. He falls down. Evil Chris tosses the lid aside.] Darryl: What the hell's wrong with you? I'm a cop. Evil Leo: Pretty wimpy-looking one too, if you ask me. Evil Chris: Nothing like our Darryl. I think that's the cheapest suit I've ever seen. What's the matter, huh? Girls not paying you enough? Darryl: Paying me? What has gotten into you? (Evil Chris grabs him by the collar.) Evil Chris: Let's just say I don't like you coming at me in either world. (He throws him across the alley.) This almost isn't any fun. (Darryl point a gun at them.) Darryl: I don't care if you are under some kind of spell. Come any closer, I'll shoot. I swear. Evil Chris: Gun. (The gun black orbs out of his hands and into Evil Chris' hand. He laughs.) Now this is fun. (He points the gun at Darryl.) Evil Leo: Not yet. We still need him for leverage. He's no good to us dead. Not yet, anyway. (He hands Evil Leo the gun. Paige and Phoebe orb in behind Evil Leo and Evil Chris. Paige puts two crystals down.) Darryl: See? This is the crazy-ass kind of stuff that makes me not wanna have anything to do with you people. (Paige orbs out.) Evil Chris: Who are you talking to? Phoebe: Us. (They turn around. Phoebe kicks the gun out of Evil Leo's hands.) Evil Leo: That's not gonna stop us. (Paige orbs in behind them.) Phoebe: No, but Paige: This will. (Paige puts the crystals down, activating the cage.) Evil Leo: Son of a bitch. (He powers up an energy ball. He throws it. It bounces of the cage and they duck.) Paige: Nice firepower, Leo. I didn't know you had it in you. Phoebe: Don't go anywhere. (Phoebe and Paige go to help Darryl. He gets up.) Darryl: Stay away from me. Phoebe: Darryl, let us take you to Gideon. He can heal you. Darryl: No! Stay away! Paige: Darryl, please. Darryl: I said no! Damn it! Leave me alone. I don't wanna have anything to do with you people anymore. Don't you understand? (He leaves.) Phoebe: Well, I don't think that helped our cause any. [Scene: Gideon's study. Gideon and Evil Gideon are playing chess at the mirror.] Gideon: My Charmed Ones will be joining you soon. Are you certain you can keep Evil Gideon: Mine away? Absolutely, I told them to wait at the manor for the good Leo and Chris to come to them. I'm taking your knight. (Black knight moves over and smashes the White knight into pieces.) Gideon: I knew you'd do that. So the next move, of course, is Evil Gideon: Piper. Once she's in labor, we'll have a clear shot at the boy. Gideon: If we impress upon her the extent of the danger her sisters are in Evil Gideon: It will expedite matters. Gideon: But everything has to happen quickly. We're tinkering here with the grand design, risking its tenuous stability Evil Gideon: By creating an imbalance of power on one side. I know. But it's a far greater risk to allow Wyatt to grow up. Gideon: To threaten both worlds, I agree. (Gideon TKs a White knight and it smashes the Black Queen. Evil Gideon smiles.) Evil Gideon: I like the way you think. Phoebe: (From another room) Gideon? (Gideon stands up.) Evil Gideon: No echo. Gideon: A good sign. (Evil Gideon stands.) Evil Gideon: They can never know we were behind this. Gideon: They won't. (Gideon leaves.) [Cut to Great Hall. Paige and Phoebe are there. Gideon enters.] Gideon: Did you catch them? Paige: Yeah. Stuck them in a classroom, and, you know, they can't orb out of there. Phoebe: They are a little feistier than the real Chris and Leo. I don't know how we're going to get them to cooperate. Gideon: Hmm. Well, I'm sure your evil counterparts are anticipating exactly the same problems since, other than morality, you're one and the same. Phoebe: How does that help us figure out what we're supposed to do? Gideon: Perhaps you should trade yourselves. You go into their world, they'll come into ours. You can each retrieve your respective Leo and Chris. Paige: Kind of makes sense. Phoebe: And what about your evil counterpart? Will he be hip to this plan? Gideon: I have every confidence that he will be waiting there exactly as I am here. But remember, good or evil, we're all after the same thing – Leo and Chris returned and the cosmic balance restored. Phoebe: Get Piper. We're gonna need the Power of Three. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Magic School. Mirror world. A portal opens and Phoebe and Paige walks through. They see the Magic School darker and more evil.] Paige: Okay, where is everybody? Isn't Piper supposed to be here? Phoebe: This is weird. I don't think we should be here. We should get out of here. (Suddenly an energy ball flies at them. They scream and duck. Evil Gideon walks up to them.) Evil Gideon: What are you doing? You're not supposed to be here. (Paige and Phoebe look back at the portal. It closes.) [Cut to Good Magic School. Piper sees the portal close.] Piper: Why didn't they come through? Where are they? Gideon: I don't know. (Piper takes panicked breath. She puts a hand around her stomach and goes toward a chair.) Easy Piper. Try to relax. (Piper sits down.) We wouldn't want you to go into premature labor now, would we? (He looks at Wyatt.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Evil Magic School. Phoebe, Paige, and Evil Gideon are there.] Evil Gideon: You have no idea what you've done. Just by coming here, you may have thrown both worlds irreversibly out of balance. Paige: Okay, well, doesn't killing us sort of do that, too? Evil Gideon: Don't be ridiculous. If I wanted to kill you, I would have. I was just, caught off guard. Phoebe: Well, you need to relax there, tiger. Evil Gideon: It's a different world, Pheebs. One filled with distrust, even amongst allies. Phoebe: I don't understand. Where are your Paige and Phoebe? Evil Gideon: Out looking for your Leo and Chris. They were supposed to bring them back here. Phoebe: Well, your Leo and Chris are at our magic school waiting to be rescued. (Evil Gideon puts a hand on Phoebe's shoulder.) Yes. Paige: Okay, this is just one big mess. What happened to the whole yin-yang business? Evil Gideon: It's been thrown off, possibly as a result of the exchange of Leo and Chris. Two worlds that mirror each other when they're in balance. And they no longer are. Paige: Okay, if it's already bad, what's gonna happen now that we're here? Evil Gideon: With both sets of sisters on the same side, the balance is dangerously at risk. We have to work quickly to correct it. Phoebe: If you are suggesting a plan, don't. We've got it covered. You don't worry about it. We need to find his Piper. Evil Gideon: If you do, she'll probably kill you. She's evil, remember, and she's got a terrible temper, worse when she's pregnant. (Phoebe and Paige shake their heads.) Phoebe: Yeah, that's not much different in our world. Trust us, we can handle it. Paige: Yeah. Evil Gideon: Your instincts are right to distruct me. I am evil, after all. But we both want the same thing. Paige: Okay, well there's a little problem with that because your girls didn't uphold their end of the bargain. They did not find our guys. Evil Gideon: But you will. You know them, know how they think. Phoebe: Okay, so we're gonna bring you your Chris and Leo, and then what/ Evil Gideon: You'll have our Piper for a Power-of-Three spell. She'll know it's the only way to get her men back. And if you encounter your counterparts, be careful. They will kill you. (Paige and Phoebe orb out.) [Scene: Prescott Street. Rats are on trashcans. Broken cars are in the streets. There are unkempt and dirty yards around the houses with trash littering in the streets. People yell at each other. A man steals a purse. The other neighbors ignore it. Paige and Phoebe duck out from behind an abandoned car. They look around.] Paige: Okay, this place isn't just evil, it's ugly. Phoebe: Oh, I don't think they're home. And I don't wanna go in there to find out. Paige: Charmed Ones working for evil. Who would've thunk it? Well, I'm with ya, especially after Gideon's little warning. (A kid rides by on a bike and breaks a car window with a metal rod.) Phoebe: Hey! Paige: I don't think Chris and Leo would've gone into that house either. Phoebe: Maybe they went to see Darryl like their evil counterparts did. I think we should talk to Darryl. Paige: I don't think if Darryl wants to talk to us in the good world, he's not gonna wanna talk to us in the evil world. (A neighbor walks out with a dog. The dog barks at Phoebe. She and Paige see an advertisement on a taxi roof: “Ask Phoebe. Read me or else.) Phoebe: Maybe he will, if he thinks we're them. Paige: Okay, I really think we need to get out of here. (Paige takes out her cell phone.) Phoebe: What're you doing? (She dials.) Paige: I wanna see if this works in the parallel world. Ah! It does. (Into the phone) Hi, can I have Lieutenant Morris, please? Voice: Hey! (They look over and see the Evil Patrol Officer walking to Evil Mrs. Noble.) Lady, you want me to give her a second citation, it's gonna cost ya. Evil Mrs. Noble: Why, you greedy son of a haven't I given you enough already? Evil Patrol Officer: Hey, don't give me that! (He pushes her down.) Phoebe: Hey, leave her alone! (He sees them walking toward him and starts backing away.) Evil Patrol Officer: I, uh, I wasn't really gonna give you that citation. (He leaves. Phoebe helps Evil Mrs. Noble up. She sees her and screams and runs away.) Phoebe: Wow. We must be some bad ass witches in this world. Paige: Yeah. Remember that for when we meet up with bad ass Darryl. [Scene: P3. It's now a strip joint. Evil Darryl sits on a seat getting a lap dance from a girl. Paige and Phoebe walk in.] Paige: Well, it looks like everybody's enjoying themselves. Phoebe: Including Darryl. Ugh. Okay, juts remember, we're used to this. Paige: Right. Think mean. Think nasty. (They walk toward Darryl. A man walks up to Paige. She pushes him down. They walk to Darryl. Phoebe clears her throat. Some officers block them.) Evil Darryl: (To officers) It's all right. Let them through. (To Paige and Phoebe) I knew you'd show up sooner or later. Phoebe: How's Sheila? Evil Darryl: (To the dancer) It's all right, honey. I'll be here all night. (She leaves.) Sheila who? (He shows them his wedding ring and laughs with his buddies. They knock knuckles. Phoebe pushes Evil Darryl backwards She grabs a beer bottle, breaks it off, then puts it to Evil Darryl's throat.) Phoebe: Leo and Chris, where are they? Where are they?! Evil Darryl: Last time I saw them was at the police station. Me and my boys were trying to give Chris what he deserved. But Leo orbed him away. I've never seen him run from a fight before. Paige: Where'd they go? Evil Darryl: If I knew, do you think I'd be here waiting for you? Where you been anyway? Undercover in the Underworld? Phoebe: Why? Evil Darryl: Bright, happy colors? Not exactly your style. Get away from me. I don't want Sheridan to see me with you. She's been all over my ass. (Phoebe stands up and sees Evil Inspector Sheridan dancing on a pole.) Phoebe: (To Evil Darryl) Don't get up. (She and Paige walk away.) Paige: Now what? Phoebe: I think maybe we're looking at this all wrong. Maybe we all are. Paige: Come again? Phoebe: Well listen, if Darryl won't help Leo and Chris because he's evil, then they'd have to go to someone who's good, right, to help them? Paige: Okay, yeah, but who's not evil here? Where are the good guys? They hiding? Phoebe: Yeah, in the Underworld. Think about it. Reverse it. Who's good here? Paige: Demons. Phoebe: Right, and if I know Leo, he would have gone after the most powerful good demon there is. Paige: You're right. [Scene: Underworld. It looks like a peaceful garden. Good Barbas turns around. He's wearing white.] Good Barbas: I know the truth of all your hopes because I can feel your greatest hope inside here, the hope that one day to return home. (He's talking to Leo and Chris.) Oh, and of course, your presence here gives me great hope, the hope that someplace there really is a different kind of world, a world where the greater good, the, uh, the goodness of the heart prevails. (He walks past them, putting a hand on Leo's shoulder.) Chris: Is he for real? Leo: He must be. Demon of Fear in our world must be the Demon of Hope here. (To Good Barbas) Question is, do you have enough power to send us back? Good Barbas: Oh, alas, no, I do not, not if you were brought here by the Power of Three. But, however, hope springs eternal, so I may be able to persuade the sisters of my world to help us simply by relying on their greatest hope, the hope to reunite with your counterparts, and then, maybe (He waves his hand over Chris' face.) You will be able to return to your time before it's too late as you hope. (He begins to touch Chris, but he slaps his hand away.) Chris: Whoa. Don't touch me. (Paige and Phoebe orb in.) Paige: Oh, thank god. Good Barbas: Quickly, orb away. I will deal with them. I've done it before. Leo: No, it's okay. They're the good ones. Chris: Trust us. They're not evil. (Evil Phoebe and Evil Paige walks up.) Evil Phoebe: No, but we are. (Evil Paige waves.) [Scene: Good Magic School. Piper's bedroom. Piper is lying on the bed, in labor. Mrs. Winterbourne is there too.] Mrs. Winterbourne: Breathe, dear, in long, out short. One in three short. (She demonstrates.) In three short. Piper: Where are my sisters? Mrs. Winterbourne: Gideon's trying to find them, dear. Just try to focus on the breath. In (Gideon walks in.) Gideon: What happened? Mrs. Winterbourne: Her water's broke. She needs to get to a hospital. Piper: Did you find them? Gideon: No, not yet, but you can't wait any longer. It's not safe. (To Mrs. Winterbourne) Go. Hurry. (She nods.) Piper: Somebody has to stay with Wyatt. (Gideon looks over at Wyatt in his playpen.) Gideon: Don't worry. I'll take care of him. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Mirror World Underworld. Continues from before. Everyone's staring at Evil Phoebe and Evil Paige.] Phoebe: Nice knuckles. Brass? Evil Phoebe: No, Tiffany's. Paige: Ooh, what a waste of a nice blue box. Evil Paige: What'd you say, witch? Phoebe: Okay look, we didn't come here to fight. We just came to get Leo and Chris. Evil Phoebe: Well, so did we. Paige: Fine. You give us ours, we'll give you yours. Evil Paige: Right. Like we can trust you. You're good. Phoebe: Wait, you can't trust us? Who are the evil ones here? Good Barbas: Come on, ladies. Have some hope. We can work this out peacefully. Phoebes: Shut up! Paiges: Shut up! Evil Paige: We'll take care of you later. Phoebe: Psst. (Both Phoebes and Paiges turn around, their back toward the other.) (To Paige) Okay, we're gonna have to make a move because the longer the worlds are out of balance Evil Phoebe: The worse the damage is. Evil Paige: We have to get everyone back to where they belong. Paige: Problem is, there's no talking to those witches. I wish I could just vanquish them. Evil Phoebe: Me, too, but that'll really screw up the balance. We're gonna have to settle for Phoebe: Knocking them out so we can get Leo and Chris outta here. Evil Paige: Good. We'll orb out and grab them Paige: From behind. Phoebe: Perfect. (Both Paiges and Phoebes turn around. Paige and Phoebe orb out and Evil Paige and Evil Phoebe black orb out. The orbs hit each other in mid air, sending each pair of sisters back, landing and reforming. They all stand up.) Evil Phoebe: That sucked. Phoebe: (To Paige) All right. I'll take mine, you take yours. (Phoebe and Evil Phoebe step away. Evil Paige conjures a Darklighter crossbow. Paige gasps. Evil Paige fires at her.) Paige: Arrow! (The arrow orbs out. Evil Paige fires again.) Arrow! (The arrow orbs out.) [Cut to Phoebes. They are fighting, matching each other's moves.] [Cut to Paiges. Evil Paige fires again.] Paige: Arrow! (The arrow orbs out. Evil Paige tosses the crossbow aside.) Paiges: Rock! (They each orb a rock and throw it toward each other.) Leo: Look out! (He, Chris, and Good Barbas duck as the rocks smash in mid-air. It falls down in the center.) This is nuts. No one can win. They're too evenly matched. Chris: Well, they think alike. Paiges: Boulder! (They orb a large rock. Leo, Chris, and Good Barbas run and take cover behind a group of rocks. The boulders explode on impact.) Leo: We don't have time for this. I gotta get back to Piper. We gotta get you home. Chris: When Gideon said something can go wrong with the portal, I don't think he knew how wrong. Good Barbas: You said Gideon? Chris: Yeah. Why? Good Barbas: Because just maybe he did know how wrong it could go. [Scene: Piper's bedroom. Gideon and Wyatt are there. Gideon walks to his playpen. Wyatt puts his force field on.] Gideon: That won't protect you for long, my boy. Not for long. (Gideon puts his hands on the shield and bolts of electricity shoot from his palms. Gideon orbs himself and Wyatt out of the bedroom.) [Scene: Mirror World Underworld. Phoebe and Evil Phoebe are still fighting.] [Cut to Paiges.] Paiges: Boulder! (They throw the boulders at each other and they explode.) Leo: What do you mean? Gideon is after Wyatt? Good Barbas: He was desperately hoping to eliminate Wyatt. (Phoebes are still fighting. They fall to the ground. Paige and Evil Paige finally give up and walk over to the other. Their cell phones ring. They pull them out.) Paiges: It's Piper. (They answer their phones.) Hello? Piper: (from phone) Where the hell are you? I'm in labor, for Christ's sakes. Get your ass down here. Phoebes: Is she okay? Paiges: She's in labor. Piper: (from phone) Who's that? You've got an echo. What the hell is going on? Paiges: I'm on my way. (They hang up. Leo, Chris, and Good Barbas stand up.) Paige: We have to go get Piper. Leo: And Wyatt. [Scene: Attic. Gideon is by the Book of Shadows, casting a spell.] Gideon: "Wanton powers in this blade, yield, penetrate that which would shield." (An athame is above him. It glows. He takes it and goes over to Wyatt, who's sitting in the middle of the carpet with his force field on. The athame touches the shield and it powers down.) I'm truly sorry, but this is for the greater good. (The athame orbs out of Gideon's grip and orbs back in, stabbing him. Gideon screams in pain. He pulls the athame out and goes to strike Wyatt, but feels a lot of pain. He hears chanting.) [Cut to Mirror World. Manor. Attic. Evil Gideon puts down the athame as both sets of Phoebes and Paiges are chanting a spell. Leo and Chris are there.] Phoebes/Paiges: “We call upon ancient lore to punish with the power of four, strike down this threat from both there and here, make him suffer, then disappear." (Gideon black orbs out. Evil Wyatt sits on the floor crying.) Phoebes: Wyatt, thank god. (Both Phoebes take a step forward. They stop. Phoebe backs up and Evil Phoebe goes over to pick up Evil Wyatt. Chris and Leo walk into the attic.) Evil Phoebe: (To Evil Wyatt) Did you give that bad man Gideon those wounds? Evil Paige: It looks like Wyatt can handle himself. (Leo picks up the athame.) Leo: Yeah, but for how long? Gideon's one of the most powerful Elders. If he wants him dead, he'll find a way. Chris: I can't believe it was Gideon all along. Leo: And he's still out there. If he wasn't vanquished here, he wasn't vanquished in our world, either. Paige: So what we need to do is get everybody back in the right place. Paiges: Yeah, fix this whole nutty balance Paige: Balance Paiges: Thing. Paige: I'm with ya. Leo: The problem is we don't have the Power of Three to open the portal. Phoebe: No, but we do have Evil Phoebe: The Power of Four. (Paige and Evil Paige go to the wall. Evil Paige gives Paige a thick piece of white chalk. They start drawing the triquetra.) [Scene: Magic School. Gideon's study. Gideon and Evil Gideon are healing themselves.] Gideon: At least we're still alive. Evil Gideon: Only because we barely made it back here in time. Gideon: Still, we healed each other and we can try again, especially now that we can breach Wyatt's shield. Evil Gideon: But the sisters know about us now. Worse, the imbalance has caused a shift in both worlds. Gideon: Which we should be able to use to our advantage to distract them whilst we complete our task. We created the imbalance. We should be able to repair the shift, and when we do, we'll make sure that the sisters forget everything. (Evil Gideon leaves.) [Scene: Manor. Attic. The portal opens and Leo, Chris, Paige, and Phoebe come through. Wyatt's on the floor.] Leo: There's my brave little guy. Quick, the portal's closing. We gotta get their men back through. Chris: I'll get 'em. (Chris orbs out. Leo picks up Wyatt.) Leo: Hey, buddy. I got ya. Phoebe: Okay, so if Evil Piper's in labor, that means our Piper must be, too. We gotta get to the hospital. Paige: Okay, we have to get the bag. (They leave.) [Cut to front door. Paige and Phoebe step out. They see the sun shining, the sky clear, and a beautiful rainbow over it. The streets are clean. Children play nearby. The neighbors and workers on the street wave to the sisters.] Worker: Hey, there! How're you doing? Paige: Okay, this is really strange. Man: Hi, neighbor! (Mrs. Noble is nearby.) Mrs. Noble: Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo, ladies! Yoo-hoo! (She goes over to them.) I've been waiting for you. Phoebe: Mrs. Noble. Hi. I was just coming out to move the car. Mrs. Noble: Oh, I know. You're a busy, busy, busy girl! Paige: Yeah, see, it's our sister Piper. She's in labor, and we're all a little crazy. (The Patrol Officer and some neighbors come up to them.) Phoebe: And I won't park there again, I promise. Patrol Officer: That's right. I know you won't. (He takes out his gun and shots Phoebe. She falls back and Paige catches her.) Wrongs must be righted. Paige: Help! Mrs. Noble: Have a super day! Paige: Help?! (Phoebe is on the ground.) Help! Somebody, help! (The Patrol Officer walks away.) Please, someone! (Mrs. Noble leaves.) Someone, help! Please, someone?! Someone?! Help! Someone, help! Leo?! Leo?! (An ice cream truck pulls up.) Someone, help! Please, someone?! Leo?! To Be Continued...

Under the guise of sending Chris back to the future, Gideon creates a portal that puts Chris and Leo in a mirrored world where evil prevails. Phoebe and Paige travel to the parallel universe to rescue Chris and Leo, only to find themselves in a battle with their evil counterparts. Unable to vanquish one another, both sets of sisters realize that Wyatt is unprotected and in danger from Gideon. Upon returning to their own world, Phoebe and Paige realize that their world is now too good, and every little infraction is a capital offense. The shift between universes causes Piper's memory to be erased, and Gideon tricks Piper into casting a spell on Phoebe and Paige so that they too, forget Gideon's evil intentions. With the Charmed sisters under the spell, and Piper having a complicated delivery, only Leo and Chris are left to stop Gideon from completing his plan. When Chris is left alone with Wyatt in the attic, Gideon attacks just as Chris goes to orb Wyatt out after suspecting something was not right. Gideon summons an athame and disappears. Chris rushes to grab Wyatt, but Gideon reappears and he stabs Chris in the stomach. While Chris lies there wounded, Gideon takes Wyatt to the Underworld. Chris calls out to Leo. When Leo arrives he tries to heal him, but Chris tells him that it will not work because it was Gideon's magic and only he can stop it. He tells Leo to find Gideon and save Wyatt. Unfortunately, Chris dies, sending Leo into a rage. He discovers the inter-dimensional mirror, meets with his analog self and realizes to return balance, a great evil needs to be done in the Charmed One's universe, and when he goes to save Wyatt he kills Gideon while his other self looks on through the mirror which at the end they both destroy, so the universes cannot be linked again in the future. Wyatt is safe, and though future Chris is dead, baby Chris is born healthy.

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_02x19

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_02x19_0

CAST James Van Der Beek: Dawson Leery Kaite Holmes: Joey Potter Joshua Jackson: Pacey Witter Michelle Williams: Jen Lindley Meredith Monroe: Andie McPhee Kerr Smith: Jack McPhee Evelyn "Grams" Ryan: Mary Beth Peil Gareth Williams: Mike Potter Gail Leery: Mary-Margaret Humes Mitch Leery: John Wesely Shipp Abby Morgan: Monica Keena Written by Mike White Directed by David Semel (Outside Dawson's house -- Joey and Dawson are walking back from the wedding.) Joey: (laughing) Dawson... (He laughs and they kiss, heading towards the ladder.) Joey: 'K, are you sure this is a good idea? Dawson: Jo, don't analyze this, okay? (They kiss again.) Joey: Right, don't analyze. Dawson: We don't need to discuss this. (They kiss again at the foot of the ladder, this time longer and more passionately.) Dawson: K? Let's go upstairs. Joey: (smiles) Okay. (She starts climbing the ladder and Dawson stares up after her smiling. Cut to Joey climbing through his window and Dawson following, kissing and giggling the whole way, oblivious to Jen sitting on the bed. Dawson starts kissing Joey's neck and she notices her.) Dawson: Jen? Joey: What's wrong? Jen: (mumbling..almost deliriously) Abby...and I were on the dock and ....and we were up there ...and we...we were drinking ...and she ...fell back and hit her head ...and she ...she drowned. (pauses) Abby's dead. (Joey is shocked, as well as Dawson, and she goes and sits next to Jen on the bed and puts her arm around her as Jen starts crying.) (OPENING CREDITS) (Cut to Joey looking through an old photo album of pictures of her with her mother. She has a tear rolling down her face. Her dad walks out.) Mr.Potter: (looking at the pictures) Seems like a lifetime ago. Your mother loved that dress. I told her to take it back, too expensive. She went out and bought two of em just like it just despite me. (Joey cracks a small smile.) Mr.Potter: That was your mother. Why are you looking at this? Joey: This girl at my school died on Saturday night. She drowned. Mr.Potter: Joey, that's terrible. Were you two close? Joey: No, not particularly. She was sort of a nightmare. But it's, uh, sort of got me thinking...remembering. Mr.Potter: Joey, we, uh, never really talked about your mother or her death... Joey: (obviously avoiding) Well, uh, it's getting late and I have to be getting to school so... (She gets up and takes her cup back into the kitchen and grabs her bag. Cut to Capeside High. Jen's walking through the hallway to her locker and everybody's staring at her. Cut to a group of kids sitting in a circle around a counselor. Pacey, Andie, Jack, and Jen are included.) Counselor: Hi, my name is Elizabeth, and I'm a grief counselor. I'm here to facilitate a discussion about Abby. I know you've all be dealt a heavy blow, but by sharing your feelings with each other, it could aid in the long, and difficult, process we call grieving. (Pacey's biting his nails, obviously unconcerned about the whole thing as Andie stares around the room and Jack just looks bored.) Girl: I'd like to make an announcement. The Girls' Service League is distributing yellow arm bands that we're wearing in Abby's memory. If anyone would like an arm band, please meet me in the cafeteria at lunchtime. (Jen just laughs unbelievably at the concern. Jack scratches his nose.) Counselor: Jennifer. I was told that you were a close friend of Abigail's. Would you like to talk about some of the feelings your experiencing? Jen: No. Counselor: That's perfectly okay. I understand. Andie? Did you know Abigail? Andie: Yeah, I did. Counselor: Can you talk about your feelings? Andie: Well, um...I guess I'm feeling shocked. I mean she was so incredibly alive and she had such a great spirit. It's-it's really a tragedy. (Jen is disgusted by these fake feelings of concern so she grabs her things and storms out.) Counselor: Jennifer? (Cut to the cafeteria. Dawson is watching the girl hand out the yellow arm bands.) Girl: Thank you so much for honoring Abby's memory. (Joey comes over.) Joey: Hey. Dawson: (smiles) Hey. Joey: Listen, I know we have a lot to talk about concerning the other night but.. Dawson: Listen, Joey, could we just not ...go there...right now? Because I mean there's ...a lot going on and we can analyze this to death later just... Joey: Right. (Joey kind of looks around and scoots in closer.) Dawson, the truth is, I never really liked Abby. Dawson: Ditto. Joey: I actually despised her. Dawson: It's weird. I mean, Abby was weird, that she died was weird, the way she died was weird. I can't even imagine what the funeral's going to be like. Joey: I'm not going. Dawson: You're not? Joey: The last funeral I went to was my mom's. I mean, I haven't even gone to her gravesite. I think going to Abby's funeral would just open this Pandora's Box of emotions that, frankly, I'd rather keep sealed tight. Dawson: (tentatively) Joey...your mother died three years ago. If you have these feelings you haven't dealt with, how long were you planning on waiting? Joey: I don't know. I guess I'm just...there's a part of me that's still holding on. That little girl inside is just waiting for her return. You know, that her death was just some cosmic error and eventually, God will realize he made a terrible mistake and he'll send her back to me like he did my dad. And ...(smiles) I'll have my mom again. (looks at Dawson) I know it sounds ridiculous. Dawson: No, no, it's-no. But, I mean, that's a child's false hope. Eventually, you're going to have to let it go. Joey: Yeah, but I don't want to let it go. (pauses) You don't know what it's like, Dawson. (Cut to Jen, in the bathroom, splashing water on her makeup-stained face. Andie enters.) Andie: Um, Jen? I've been looking all over for you. You just stormed out of class. Are you okay? Jen: If dealing with Abby's death isn't hard enough, but to watch everybody parade around like Abby was their best friend, it's sickening. Aside from me, Abby didn't have a single friend in Capeside. Andie: That's because she was a--(stops herself) Jen: A bitch! Come on, Andie, say it! Abby was a bitch. Andie: Well, I wouldn't go that far... Jen: Yeah, well, you would've three days ago, but now that she's dead you wax poetic about her great spirit. It's so insincere! Andie: Well, I don't think it's appropriate to maline her character after she's gone! Jen: It isn't malining if it's true! Believe me, it would have been easier for everybody if Abby had just been this wonderful person with this virtuous qualities but she wasn't! She was mean! And the least we can do is acknowledge who she really was. (Jen exits out the bathroom, Andie follows.) Andie: Jen, listen, I know this must be hard for you. Jen: And I am so sick and tired of people treating me like I'm some kind of celebrity just because I happened to be at the scene of the crime. It's funny. Abby spent her entire life shattering our fragile egos and that's why people disliked her so intensely. Leave it to Abby. Even in her death she's still exposing hypocrisy. Andie: Well, I feel bad but I always tried to reach out to her and everytime she rejected me. Jen: She rejected you?! If you hadn't rejected her at the wedding, none of this ever would have happened! Andie: What? Jen: You kicked us out of the wedding, Andie. That's why we were at the docks in the first place. Andie: (slowly) Don't say that. Jen: I'm sorry, okay? I can't--I've got to go home. (She leaves down the hall. Cut to Dawson coming in his front door, he spots his mom coming down the stairs.) Dawson: Hey! Gail: Hi honey! So...how was school? Dawson: Weird. Everybody's playing the beautiful mourners but underneath there's this weird sense they're all munchkins finally freed from the spell of the wicked witch of the east. (Kristin's note: Wasn't it the wicked witch of the west?) Gail: Well, honey, I know you're dealing with a lot right now, but I have some news I need to share with you. Dawson: You sound serious. Gail: No, no, no, it's not bad news. It's good news. Remember the piece I did on the teenage girls? Dawson: Yeah. Gail: Well, I won the Peil Vision Award for Excellence for News Broadcasting. (Dawson hugs her.) Dawson: That's incredible, Mom! Congratulations! Gail: Oh, but that's not the news. The news is that because of the award, I've been offered a job as network correspondent. It's a lot of money, it's high profile, it's...in Philadelphia. (Dawson's face drops.) Dawson: Oh. Are you going to take it? Gail: Well, professionally, it's a huge leap for me. It's what I've always worked for. Dawson: But I don't want to move to Philadelphia... Gail: Oh, I completely understand that. You're halfway through high school. No, I do not want to uproot you. If I took the job, I assume your father would move back in and I would come home as often as I could... Dawson: S-So what about you and Dad? Are you guys just throwing in the towel? Gail: Well, that's the last thing I want, but I'm hitting my head up against the wall here, honey. Your father doesn't seem to have any interest in making things work. So if I walk away from this career opportunity, and I lose this marriage, what do I have? Dawson: You still have me. (She smiles. Cut to Grams walking in to Jen's room where Jen's lying on her bed wrapped in a blanket.) Grams: Jennifer, I'm worried about you. Jen: Don't be. I'm just tired. Grams: You know, I can't say I was particularly fond of your friend, Abby. I always had the distinct impression that she was mocking me. (Jen smiles.) Grams: She was, wasn't she? Jen: Don't take it personally, Grams. Abby was mocking everyone. Grams: But she was your friend. It's so hard to understand why God would take someone so young...with so much left to learn, so much left to live. It really tests one's faith. Jen: Yeah, well, maybe I didn't have any faith to begin with. Grams: Well, rest assured, God may work in mysterious ways but He has a plan. Jen: Well, if God had a plan for Abby, she certainly wasn't following it. Grams: God has a plan for everybody, including Abby. Including you. Jen: Grams, I really don't want to have a religious discussion right now. Grams: It's times like this that-- Jen: Grams, please! Okay? Grams: Alright, but...I'm here for you. Whenever you need me. (Cut to Pacey and Andie in a deli-like restaurant.) Pacey: I can't believe Jen would accuse you of being responsible. She was drunk, she fell, she drowned. End of story. It was nobody's fault, least of all, yours. Andie: Yeah, but ...I was so mean to her. Pacey: Oh, come on, you've got to be kidding me! (to cashier) Thanks! (to Andie) Abby Morgan was one of the most hideous creatures to ever haunt the streets of Capeside and you bent over backwards to befriend her. You really shouldn't be taking this that hard, Andie. Andie: Don't tell me how I should be feeling. If I'm upset, then I'm upset. If I feel guilty, then I feel guilty. I think those are perfectly valid feelings. Pacey: You're right, I'm sorry. I just don't like seeing you like this, okay? (Two women walk by their table. Once they're out of earshot...) Andie: Oh, God, Pacey. Don't look now, but Abby's mother just walked in. (Abby's mother turns and spots Andie and walks towards her.) Abby's mother: Don't I know you? Andie: Yes, Mrs. Morgan, I'm Andie McPhee. You drove me home once. Abby's mother: Oh, that's right. You're a friend of Abby's. She talked a lot about you. (Andie looks at Pacey, confused.) Andie: She did? Oh, Mrs. Morgan, I am so sorry about what happened. Abby's mother: Will you be coming to the funeral? Andie: Oh, of course...of course I will. Abby's mother: You know, no one's offered to give a eulogy...and I'm not really familiar with any of her other school friends, you will be saying a few words about her, won't you? Andie: What? Abby's mother: Since she was so fond of you. Andie: Sure...sure... Abby's mother: Thank you. (She walks away. Andie looks at Pacey, worried.) Andie: A eulogy? (She stressfully rests her head on her hand on the table. Cut to Pacey and Andie walking in the rain to Abby's house.) Pacey: You don't have to deliver this eulogy. Just lay low. Pretend Abby's mother you're too upset. Andie: No. I have to find a way to honor Abby's memory both truthfully and respectively. Her family deserves that much. I'll always remember the nice things people said at my brother's funeral. (They reach the house, it's nice.) Pacey: You okay? Andie: It just occured to me that I've never even seen her house. It's so pretty. Pacey: Yeah, I know. I was halfway expecting this gothic castle, you know? The gargoyles leering down on you from the spires... (They enter the house. It's nice, lots of flowers.) Pacey: Okay, this is morbid. Explain to me again what this is going to accomplish besides making you even more freaked out? Andie: I just want to see her room...you know? Where she brushed her hair, (pauses) and planned her future. Pacey: Why? Andie: Look, we'll just say our condulgences and slip into her room. (Cut to Jen drinking liquor on the docks where there's a bunch of flowers and a cross. She takes a bouquet and throws it over the side of the docks. Cut to Andie and Pacey entering Abby's room.) Pacey: Hey, what if Abby's mother saw us come in here together? She probably thinks I'm trying to get lucky in the middle of her daughter's memorial. Andie: Oh, this is really strange. It's almost like the room is waiting for her to come back... Pacey: This is really creepy, Andie. Can we go now, please? Andie: (grabs a book) Wait a minute...this is her diary. The real thoughts of any girl is all in the confines of her personal diary. Pacey: (takes it) You know what? People's privacy deserves to be respected, even in death. Andie: (takes it back) This isn't for my curiosity, Pacey. This is for Abby. I want to be able to give her a eulogy that does justice to her character. (Andie's sitting on the bed. Pacey comes and sits next to her.) Andie: (flipping through the book) Hmmm. (picks one) "Dear Diary, Another unbelievably annoying day here on Walton's Mountain. That slut Jen Lindley literally stole my new boyfriend and right out from under my nose. (looks at Pacey) She's a bleach-blonde hoes-bag." She was probably just having a bad day. Pacey: Sure... Andie: (flips and finds another one) Okay.."Dear Diary, My mother is driving me insane. I hate her so much I must be adopted. There's no way I could share the same genes with that dried-up old wench." Pacey: I'm sure it's just another bad day, right? Andie: (nods) Yeah. (finds another) Okay. "Dear Diary, That new girl Andie is such a (mad) psycho! How many ways can you tell a person you don't like them..." What?! "She just won't take a hint! God! And that boyfriend of hers is a--" (Pacey grabs it away.) Pacey: You know what? I don't want to know. I don't want to hear it. Out the door now. Please. (Cut to Mitch in a classroom. Dawson walks in.) Mitch: Dawson, hey! Dawson: Hey. Mitch: I was just thinking about you... (Dawson sits down depressingly on the desk.) Mitch: You know, when I was young my first few experiences with death were...shocking. And as I get older, it doesn't get any easier but...it does kind of make you put your life into perspective. Makes you want to grab on to the people you love and never let go. Dawson: And on that note...um, Mom was offered a job as a network correspondent in Philadelphia. (Mitch gets up and walks around the desk.) Dawson: Don't you have anything to say? Mitch: Um, I'll call her and congratulate her. Dawson: That's it? You're going to call up, say congratulations, and just let her walk out of your life. (Dawson gets up angrily) Grab on to those you love, huh? (He leaves the room. Cut to Jack and Joey at an empty Icehouse.) Jack: So, uh, Joey? Joey: Yeah? Jack: I've tried biting my tongue, but, uh, the $64,000 question has to be asked...(speaking into the mop handle) What's up with you and Dawson? Joey: (smiles) Nothing. Jack: Oh, yeah, "nothing". You two shared a pretty conspicuous not-a-nothing kiss the other night. Come on... Joey: Yeah, well, we're putting it on hold. We have enough to deal with without adding our complicated relationship to the mix so... Jack: Alright, alright. I'll buy that...I'll buy that. So...how are you feeling otherwise? Joey: Um...okay. I've obviously had a lot on my mind lately but...how are you feeling about this whole thing? Jack: Alright, I know this sounds a little morbid but...I keep thinking about how Abby and I kissed at Dawson's birthday party which means I'm probably the last person she ever kissed. Joey: At least she went out with a bang! (Jack laughs. Joey laughs and covers her face with her hands.) Joey: I can't believe I just said that. Jack: I can't either. (They're cracking up. Cut to Dawson editing his movie.) (Onscreen) Kim (Abby): Look, I am sorry if I threatened you and your safety net. And contrary to popular belief, I am not trying to ruin your life and I am trying so hard not to-- (There's a knock at the door, offscreen. It's Pacey.) Dawson: Hey. Pacey: Hey, man. Working late, huh? Dawson: Yeah. Pacey: Your mom told me I could find you here. Dawson: So what's up? Pacey: I don't know, really. Mrs. Morgan asked Andie to give a eulogy indulging Abby's virtues. Dawson: How do you speak glowingly about a girl who rode to school on a broomstick. Pacey: It's just so frustrating, Dawson. I've been trying so hard to set everything straight for Andie, but I've got no control over these things. Dawson: I know what you mean. That's why I'm here. Pacey: It must be a sort of surreal experience editing a movie in which one of your leading ladies is no longer. (Dawson presses play.) (onscreen) Kim (Abby): Look, contrary to popular belief, I did not come here to ruin your life and I am trying so hard not to do that... (Abby starts smiling, then laughing.) Abby: I'm sorry but she has food in her teeth. (offscreen. Pacey and Dawson laugh. Cut to Jen walking into the kitchen at her house and Grams is cooking.) Grams: Perfect timing. Dinner's almost ready. (Jen walks over and leans over the pan. Grams gets a whif.) Grams: Jennifer, have you been drinking again? Jen: Not only have I been drinking, but I am drunk out of my mind. Grams: Jennifer, don't do this to yourself! Don't mask your grief with alcohol! I try to feel your pain, this drinking will only make things worse. Jen: (smiling) Worse? Come on. Worse than what? Grams: Think of the good times you shared with Abby, she'd want you to remember her that way. Jen: Well then you obviously didn't know Abby too well! She's probably down there with (missed name), doing tequila shooters and laughing at all of us! Grams: You have to believe that Abby is in God's hands. He has a special place in his kingdom for the children. Jen: Yeah? God's got a five-bedroom beach condo in Maui for dead kids? Grams: Jennifer! Jen: Okay, Grams, for the last time, there is no God and there is no heaven and there is no peace and there is no hope. The only truth that I know is pain. So you can just keep your Sunday School fables to yourself because they make me puke! Grams: Does it give you so much pleasure to shock and offend me?! I am trying to be understanding but you insist on disobeying my rules and polluting my house with your disrespectful blastering. Jen: I guess you're finally sick of me, huh? I guess your infinite patience and compassion aren't as infinte as we thought. You know, if I can't just be myself and speak my mind...maybe I should just move out! Grams: Jennifer! [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to Joey and her dad eating breakfast.) Mr.Potter: What are you thinking about? Joey: I've been trying to remember Mom and... I can't get a clear picture of her in my head. It was the scariest thing... I mean, it's like she's slowly fading away and ...do you know what I mean? Mr.Potter: (nods) Joey, when I was in prison, I missed your mother. The loss combined with the guilt was almost too much for me. But...I look at you, and I know she's still here. (Joey looks at him, questionably.) Mr.Potter: You are so like your mother, Joey. She was tough ...and independent ...and funny. (laughs) In the same way you're funny. She was stubborn. Oh, she was stubborn. If you would tell her the skies blue, she would say it was green. (Joey smiles.) Mr.Potter: She's not gone. She lives on in you. And that comforts me to know end. (Cut to Pacey and Andie walking down the beach.) Andie: Uh, it's only a few hours til the funeral and I have no idea what I'm going to say. Pacey: Make something up. Tell them that Abby was a wonderful person and she'll be deeply missed, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Andie: You want me to lie? Pacey: Well, you could tell the truth. That she was a hideous abdomination and the world will be much better without her. Andie: Right and watch her mother have a heart attack and collapse into the aisle. God, Pacey, what am I going to do? Pacey: I'll give the speech. Andie: You'd do that for me? Pacey: I'd do anything to keep you from having a nervous breakdown. Andie: I'm not about to have a nervous breakdown. Pacey: Well, I'm about to have a nervous breakdown living vicariously through you, so... Andie: Really? Listen, Pacey, I know what it's like to love someone who has the propensity to become mentally-unhinged and I don't want to be that person to you. Pacey: Andie, what am I supposed to do? Sit back and watch you agonize. If you're in distress, how can I help but come to your rescue? Andie: Well, if I'm drowning in the ocean, yes, throw me a lifeline but...don't let our roles become etched in stone. I mean, me the helpless lunatic and you, the hero on horseback. I need to take care of myself. I'm going to deliver this speech, I'll think of somethin'. Pacey: Okay... (He kisses her on the top of her head. Cut to Abby's funeral. Pacey and Andie are sitting in a pew.) Pacey: Look, it's not too late to duck out of here. Andie: No, Pacey, I'm going to do this, even if it kills me. Pacey: Okay, well, maybe we'll just slip you in the coffin with Abby. (Andie looks at him.) Pacey: It was a joke! I'm kidding... (Joey walks in and takes off her black cardigan over a black dress. She walks to the pew Dawson's sitting in.) Dawson: Hey! (She sits down.) Dawson: You made it. (She just smiles) Joey: Just hold my hand. (Dawson smiles. Grams walks in and takes a seat next to Jen.) Jen: It's the (missed word) of Capeside. Grams: Jennifer, listen, I-I lost a lot of sleep last night and I do hope that we can avoid ugly scenes like last night in the future. I wanted to let you know that I forgive you. Jen: I'm not looking for your forgiveness, Grams. I'm looking for your understanding. And that's something that you've never been able to provide. (The funeral begins.) Preacher: We are here today, to remember the life of Abigail Morgan. But before we begin, I'd like to invite those of you, who'd like to share your memories with Abby, to come forward at this time. (Dawson looks around, no one's getting up. Finally, Jen gets up. She walks up to the stand.) Jen: My name is Jen Lindley. And I was friends with Abby, as much as anyone could be because Abby had a toxic personality, in fact it was almost bordering on radioactive. Abby could be cruel and Abby could be spiteful, and Abby could certainly be petty. She spent her days mischieviously stirring up trouble, and creating calamity, and generally, taking pleasure in other people's pain. You know, in Sunday School, they teach us that God made Man in his image. Well, if God made Abby in his own image then what does that say about God? God has always been such a mystery to me. I mean, what kind of diety creates a world that is so full of suffering and so full of pain? I tell you what, Abby taught me a lot. She taught me how to do a tequilla shooter with one hand tied behind my back, and she taught me to live life by my own set of values, and not follow the crowd, in hopes of winning some phantom popularity contest. But most of all, what's most important, is Abby taught me the sadistic nature of our God and as much as that knowledge is disturbing, it's true. And it's real. And for a world that is so saturated with phoniness and lies, for that small amount, for that little bit of honesty, I will always be grateful to her. (Jen walks down from the pulpit and heads back to her pew, where her Grams stands up, gives Jen a incredibly angry look and walks out of the church. Abby's mother looks back at Andie while the congregation stirs from Jen's comments. Andie stands up and walks to the pulpit.) Andie: Um, there are people who give me comfort in my life...who when the going gets rough, which it unbearably does, I can count on them for a shoulder to cry on. And they will pick me up when I fall, and hold me in their arms while I cry and tell me that everything is going to be alright. I am so thankful for these people, they are priceless. But there's another group of people, just as important and just as priceless...they're the people who challenge me, who push me to my breaking points, and who force me to muster courage that I never thought I had. Abby Morgan was one of those people. In her own truth-telling way, she gave me strength. I'm a much stronger woman because of her. A woman who I never thought that I could be. She gave me that gift. She was one of a kind. There's no one like her and she will always hold a special place in my heart. (Cut to everybody outside around her coffin. Cut to Andie and Pacey putting a single yellow flower on her coffin. Cut to the priest reading from the Bible. Cut to Abby's mother crying. Cut to Jen placing a yellow flower on her coffin. Cut to everybody walking away from it. Cut to Dawson and Joey walking alone through the trees at the graveyard.) Dawson: I was editing my movie yesterday. And I just kept watching Abby's footage over and over and over and then it hit me just how fleeting life is. You know? And I don't want to die with unlived life on my face. And I don't want to go to my grave regretting what my life could have been if I'd only taken action and maybe this is the wrong time to say this to you but Joey ...I am so happy about what happened between us the other night. (She just keeps on walking, showing no emotion.) Dawson: Okay, I could just keep on talking until you say something but usually the more I talk the more chances I have at screwing up so-- (She turns and kisses him. She smiles.) Joey: Of course, I'm happy. (Her expression gets somewhat sadder) Right now, I have to go someplace. Dawson: Okay. Joey: Do you think you could walk me there? Dawson: (smiles) Absolutely. Joey: Thanks... (Cut to Andie and Pacey.) Pacey: You know, I have to admit. You have had me worried these last few days, McPhee. But, as usual, you managed to pull it off with flying colors. Andie: I think I needed this whole experience, Pacey. It just, it brought me closer to Tim. (Andie sees Jen sitting alone over by the coffin.) Andie: Uh, I'm going to go talk to her. (Cut to Jen and Andie walks up.) Jen: Andie, I can not apoligize enough. Abby's death wasn't your fault. It was mine. Andie: What? Jen: I invited her out. I got her drunk. I could have saved her. Andie: No, Jen, you did everything you could. The water was rough, the current was too strong. Jen: I saw her in the water and...she was so scared... Andie: Jen...don't think about that, okay? Jen: Because I'm weak, and I couldn't accept the blame, I had to deflect it onto everybody else. Onto Capeside. Onto you. Onto my Grams. And that speech! That f-(almost says it but doesn't and pauses) speech. What was I thinking, huh? Andie: Well, I'm a people pleaser. And sometimes in order to succeed in that, you have to be phony. Abby was the exact opposite. She put her truth above everything. And that's what you did. It was a memorial for Abby and you were just being truthful to her spirit. Jen: Sometimes I don't think it's appropriate to speak your truth, it's better just to shut up. Andie: Oh, God, Jen. Abby kept a diary. It was pretty nasty. And if her mom finds it, she's going to be devastated. (Cut to Dawson and Joey walking past some more trees. Dawson hangs back and Joey slowly approaches a spot. Joey starts crying. It's her mother's grave ["Lillian Josephine Potter"]. Joey sets the flowers down and runs her finger along the etching of the gravestone. Dawson walks up slowly to her.) Joey: I just, um, hope wherever she is, she's happy. Dawson: She's happy. She's looking down on you, and she's very happy. (Joey lays her head on Dawson's shoulder. Cut to Jen walking up the stairs to her porch where there's a bunch of suitcases, packed, and her Grams is putting more things in them.) Jen: Grams? Grams: How could you, Jennifer! Jen: You packed--up all my stuff. Grams: I went to that funeral today to try and give you some support, to rectify some of the damage in our fragile relationship. Only to find you heartlessly thumbing your nose at me, in a house of God no less. Jen: Grams, that speech wasn't for you, it was for Abby. And I regret it, I do. And I know that it was wrong and I know that I offended your beliefs-- Grams: This is not about my beliefs! Or free speech or any other philosophical nonsense, this is about the truth. And the truth is you deliberately tried to wound me in that chapel and take out all your pain and rage at the world on me. Jen: Grams, Grams, wait! Grams: You want understanding? How about a little understanding in return? How about a little compassion for me? Not just about my beliefs, but for me? Your grandmother, who loves you, who would do anything for you, who would die for you! Jen: Wait, Grams! Grandma! Wait a minute! Grams: You should be living with someone else. Someone who you respect, and clearly, I am not that person. All that time you spend rebelling against me is getting you nowhere. So even though it pains me more than you will ever know, Jennifer. I want you to move out. Find somewhere else to live! (Grams shuts the door on Jen and leans against it, crying. Cut to Jen outside crying. Cut to Andie opening the door to the Morgan's) Andie: Mrs. Morgan? Hello? Hello? (She goes up the stairs. Cut to Andie going into Abby's room. She opens a dresser drawer and pulls out the notebook and when Andie looks in the mirror. She sees Abby standing behind her in the closet wearing a white outfit. Andie spins around revealing nothing there. Andie closes her eyes, breathing heavy and opens them again. Cut to ending credits.)

Abby's death shocks everyone, and all of Capeside is attempting to "whitewash" her life. All the hypocrisy is making Jen crazy and in a later discussion with Grams, she denounces God and angers Grams in the process. When making a speech at the funeral, she further embarrasses Grams by announcing that Abby taught her the falseness of God. Abby's mother asks Andie to give the official eulogy, thinking wrongly that they were friends. Memories of Andie's brother are brought up and Andie's emotional reactions scare Pacey. Joey is reluctant to go to the funeral, since she hasn't been to one since her mother died years earlier. While at the graveyard, she and Dawson decide to visit her mother for the first time. Grams is so disgusted with Jen's speech at the funeral that she packs her bags and tells her to find somewhere else to live.

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fd_Doctor_Who_1963_03x09_0

5:50pm - 6:15pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: EXT. KING PRIAM'S PALACE. BALCONY CASSANDRA: Then woe to the House of Priam. Woe to the Trojans! PARIS: I'm afraid you're a bit late to say 'whoa' to the horse! I've just given instructions to have it brought into the city. [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. PLAIN OF TROY (The horse moves slowly forward to the city. At its feet, the excited, but doomed crowd can be heard.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. CHAMBER OF KING PRIAM'S PALACE (All except VICKI have come back from the balcony and back into the chamber. She is nowhere to be seen but her absence is not immediately noticed.) CASSANDRA: Of all the idiocy! To have it brought into the city! PARIS: (Despairing.) Why? Th...that horse is in the image of one of our gods! CASSANDRA: It's a trick. My dreams have always been right and they foretell disaster. (PARIS laughs in a sneering fashion.) PARIS: Now were they right about that little temple? That has brought us nothing but good luck. CASSANDRA: Good luck you call it. The whole family besotted by that sorceress! PRIAM: Oh, I do wish you'd stop calling Cressida that. And I would call it luck to have the entire Greek army removed from our shores. Peace, at last! Though the arrival of the horse is a little puzzling. PARIS: Well, Cressida probably arranged it and the very sight of it just...just frightened the Greeks away. (TROILUS looks round at this reminder.) TROILUS: (Puzzled.) Where is Cressida? (The others also glance round the room.) PARIS: Oh, she's probably down in the square watching them bring in the horse. TROILUS: Oh, then I'd better go and look for her. I don't like her to go wandering round the city on her own. PRIAM: No, bring her back up here again she'll get a betterful view. (As TROILUS leaves and PRIAM and PARIS go back up to the balcony, CASSANDRA moves to the back of the room where KATARINA, a handmaiden, is standing and whispers to her.) CASSANDRA: Katarina! Go and look for the sorceress. I don't trust my lovesick brother. KATARINA: But great priestess, the auguries said that... CASSANDRA: (Hisses.) Do you dare to question me?! (KATARINA hangs her head in fear.) KATARINA: No. CASSANDRA: Very well then, go and watch for that girl. (KATARINA leaves the throne room worriedly as CASSANDRA goes back onto the balcony.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. KING PRIAM'S PALACE. DUNGEONS (VICKI is descending into the gloom. STEVEN sees her approaching through the bars.) STEVEN: What's going on up there? (VICKI unbolts the door.) VICKI: They're just bringing the horse into the city. Follow me. (STEVEN leaves the cell and follows her as instructed.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. WOODEN HORSE (The Horse is still banging from side to side with a very uncomfortable DOCTOR within...) DOCTOR: Oh, I'm still very worried about those fetlocks! ODYSSEUS: Be happy that's all you have to worry about. Ah! Of all the undignified ways of entering a city this takes the flying phoenix. DOCTOR: If only you would have allowed me another day to fit shock absorbers. [SCENE_BREAK] (The DOCTOR is almost knocked from his feet by the movement of the horse as it suddenly stops.) ODYSSEUS: Zeus be praised! We've arrived. DOCTOR: (Relieved.) Oh! Well now, what is it you propose to do, hmm? ODYSSEUS: We wait Doctor, without movement. (The DOCTOR makes a noise as he does move.) ODYSSEUS: (Whispers loudly.) In absolute silence! [SCENE_BREAK] 6: EXT. TROY. MAIN SQUARE (The towering Horse stands in the main square. A chattering crowd can be heard below it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: EXT. KING PRIAM'S PALACE. BALCONY (PARIS is rather pleased with himself as he, the King and CASSANDRA look down on it from the balcony.) PARIS: There, father, the horse is safely installed. And you may notice my sister that nothing, er, "disastrous" has occurred. CASSANDRA: Wait and see. There's time yet and mark my words that horse will be the doom of Troy. PRIAM: It's a little more rough-hewn than I had expected. Well, since it's here, we'd better take a closer look. [SCENE_BREAK] 8: EXT. MAIN SQUARE OF TROY (STEVEN and VICKI are moving behind pillars to avoid the inhabitants of the city who themselves are heading in the direction of the Horse. The two companions reach the edge of the square and look up at the towering structure. STEVEN is impressed.) STEVEN: That's some horse. VICKI: If you can call it that. STEVEN: The Doctor said... (He cuts off as a group of Trojan citizens begin laughing close by. STEVEN realises he is still dressed as a Greek and pulls VICKI away back from the crowd and into better cover.) VICKI: It'd be pretty silly if they caught you again. STEVEN: Hmm, and you! VICKI: What do you mean? STEVEN: Well, if they find us together they'll know you let me out. (VICKI indicates the Horse.) VICKI: They think I invoked that thing. I'm all right. STEVEN: Yes, only so long as they think it's a gift from the gods. They'll know very differently once the Doctor and company come out of it. VICKI: Do you think he's in it? STEVEN: Well, it's likely, isn't it? I mean he'll be worried about getting back to the TARDIS. VICKI: He must be able to see he's got nothing to worry about. That thing is so rickety it must be full of people. STEVEN: Oh right, you'd do better in the time they had? Now, I wonder why he didn't delay like we asked? VICKI: He must have a plan of escape - to rescue us. Cyclops must have told him where we were. STEVEN: If Cyclops got through. VICKI: Look! (VICKI suddenly notices KATARINA moving through the crowd as if searching for something or someone.) VICKI: That is one of Cassandra's girls. STEVEN: (Whispers.) What? VICKI: That girl, I've seen her with Cassandra. She's a handmaiden at the Temple or something. STEVEN: Then she must be looking for you. Look, you go back. I'll find somewhere to hide around here. VICKI: Look they trust me, I'd... STEVEN: (Interrupting.) Better go! In any case, Troilus will die of jealousy if he knows you're with me. VICKI: And what is that supposed to mean? STEVEN: (Laughs.) Oh come off it, Vicki. The way you two were carrying on back there in the... VICKI: (Interrupts angrily.) Troilus has been very kind to me and I'm very fond of him and if all you can do is make remarks like that... STEVEN: (Laughs.) I'm sorry, I'm sorry! (He sees that VICKI is upset and adopts a more gentle manner.) STEVEN: No really, I am sorry. Okay, but look, if you really are that fond of him, you'd better tell him to get out of the city. VICKI: Why? (She looks again towards the horse and the realisation of what is to come dawns on her.) VICKI: You mean when they come out of that thing they...Steven! STEVEN: It's possible isn't it? Tell him to get out of Troy, just to be on the safe side. (The TARDIS sits small near the looming and ominous Horse.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. CHAMBER OF KING PRIAM'S PALACE (TROILUS comes running into the chamber where PARIS, PRIAM and CASSANDRA are gathered. The noise of the crowd reaches them from outside.) TROILUS: Diomede! He's gone. PARIS: Gone? TROILUS: His cell's empty. The guards were locked in by a trick so they say. CASSANDRA: That Cressida! Troy's doom is nigh! TROILUS: But how could it be? She's one girl! CASSANDRA: (Spits.) A girl you call her, you love sick fool! But I know she's a witch and must be burnt, along with that horse out there. (CASSANDRA suddenly sees VICKI entering the room.) CASSANDRA: See! There she stands. (TROILUS and PARIS both start shouting at once.) TROILUS: ... ! PARIS: Now did you ever see someone so unlike a witch? PRIAM: (Interrupts.) Now, now quiet all of you. (To VICKI, gently.) Come here my child, where have you been? We've been worried about you. VICKI: I've just been out. PRIAM: Yes, but where? TROILUS: Look you didn't free Diomede did you? VICKI: Diomede? PRIAM: Yes - your friend, the Greek prisoner, he has escaped. Did you set him free? PARIS: Oh, that's nonsense. I mean how could she have? CASSANDRA: By sorcery. VICKI: I am not a sorceress - really I'm not. PRIAM: Yes, I...I'll believe you my child, but you must forgive us if we are naturally suspicious. This has been a long and difficult war and peace will take a little bit of getting used to. CASSANDRA: My handmaiden Katarina will stay with her. PRIAM: Very well. Come my children, our people have gone to the square of ot...oratory. We must go and join them there and I must speak. And we must also make plans for the celebration. (To VICKI.) Thank you, my dear, see you later. VICKI: Thank you, thank you for being so kind to me. PRIAM: My dear child, this city owes its salvation to you. (PRIAM and the others depart leaving VICKI alone with KATARINA. VICKI is anguished.) VICKI: Oh no, let it not happen. KATARINA: Did you want something? VICKI: No, thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. WOODEN HORSE (Inside the Horse, the DOCTOR is agitated while ODYSSEUS stares into space.) DOCTOR: How you can sit there so peacefully defeats me, hmm! Have you no feelings, mm? No emotions hmm? ODYSSEUS: I was thinking, Doctor. DOCTOR: Hmm! ODYSSEUS: That with any luck, either Agamemnon or Achilles will not come through. DOCTOR: You mean they'll desert us, hmm? ODYSSEUS: No... DOCTOR: Hmph! ODYSSEUS: ...die. Just a hope. One less finger in the pie, a greater share of the booty for me. DOCTOR: That is a most immoral way of looking at life, hmm! ODYSSEUS: Nonsense! It's the reason that I've been here for ten long years fighting all the time. DOCTOR: Yes, well, I must get out of here at once. ODYSSEUS: You can't. DOCTOR: (Sarcastically.) Ahh! I've only got to pull that lever... (The DOCTOR taps a wooden lever.) DOCTOR: ...and I can get back down into the square. ODYSSEUS: (Laughs.) Yes, yes. But as I happen to be sitting on the rope, you'll fall forty feet and break your neck. DOCTOR: (Shouts.) I will not be party to your schemes! (Quieter.) You forced me to invent this contraption. ODYSSEUS: I'm very glad I did, Doctor. DOCTOR: Hmm? ODYSSEUS: Up to now, it's been very satisfactory. DOCTOR: You had no right to bring me here at all. I'm utterly useless to you. (ODYSSEUS laughs heartily, and sarcastically the DOCTOR joins in.) DOCTOR: You must let me out of here! You're selfish, greedy, corrupt, cheap, horrible. Your one thought is for yourself and what you can get out of it. (ODYSSEUS places a sword at the DOCTOR'S throat. The DOCTOR starts.) ODYSSEUS: Be quiet, old man. DOCTOR: I will not be quiet! You may stay here if you wish to have your insignificant win. Your victory or whatever you call it, but you must let me out of here. ODYSSEUS: One more word out of you and I shall kill you! You would be my first victim in Troy. (The DOCTOR steps away from the hatch and ODYSSEUS lowers his sword.) ODYSSEUS: That's better. About now our ships should be returning...as you planned. (The DOCTOR snorts in a derisory manner.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. CHAMBER IN KING PRIAM'S PALACE (KATARINA is asleep in a chair. VICKI comes down the steps from the balcony as TROILUS enters the chamber.) TROILUS: Cressida. VICKI: Oh! Oh, I'm so glad you've come. TROILUS: I had to see you. VICKI: Troilus, dear Troilus, will you do something for me? TROILUS: Anything. VICKI: Leave the city. TROILUS: Why? VICKI: It's Diomede. TROILUS: Diomede? VICKI: I'm sure he's out on the plain. You've got to go and look for him and find him. If you bring him back you'll prove yourself the warrior you really are, he'll be your prisoner then as well as Paris'. TROILUS: But he may have been rescued by the Greeks by now. VICKI: No no no, Paris said they'd all gone away and that was before he even escaped. TROILUS: (Suspiciously.) Why this concern for Diomede? Is he? Do you? I mean...are you in love with him? VICKI: No, he's just a friend. TROILUS: Then if he's your friend, why do you want him captured? To be a prisoner of war's considered very bad form. VICKI: But... Oh, why won't you see? Go out and search for him on the plain! TROILUS: Cressida, I said I'd do anything for you and a Trojan stands by his word, but please, why do you want me to leave the city and go and search for a highly skilled Greek warrior? VICKI: He isn't armed. I wouldn't send you out there if I thought anything could happen to you. I just want you to...I just want you to catch your own prisoner. TROILUS: Did you mean that? About not wanting me hurt? VICKI: Of course I did, I wouldn't ask you to do it otherwise. TROILUS: Oh, Cressida. VICKI: You haven't got time, you've got to go now. (VICKI'S tears well in her eyes.) TROILUS: Don't worry, everything's going to be all right. (They embrace and TROILUS leaves. VICKI remains tearful) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: EXT. MAIN SQUARE OF TROY (NIGHT) (It is night and the city is quiet. A sentry walks past the Horse. After he has gone, a rope descends from the immense wooden horse, and the Greek soldiers drop to the ground. Eventually the DOCTOR comes uncomfortably down the rope followed by ODYSSEUS.) ODYSSEUS: ... ! Come! (As the Greeks move along, they silently kill a sentry.) DOCTOR: Ahh! ODYSSEUS: This plan of yours, Doctor...is going to be a great success. Stay close to me. (ODYSSEUS motions his men and the DOCTOR to move out across the square.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: EXT. PLAIN OF TROY (NIGHT) (Outside the walls of Troy, TROILUS is searching frantically.) TROILUS: Diomede! (ACHILLES, who has been watching from behind some rocks, comes into view of the young Trojan.) TROILUS: Diomede where are you! ACHILLES: What ails you, petty Princeling? Lost some plaything? The one you call for is long dead. TROILUS: You're a Greek! I thought you'd sailed away. Who are you? ACHILLES: You should not ask. My name is Achilles. TROILUS: My brother's murderer! ACHILLES: So Prince Troilus, is it? Well, I killed your brother fairly. Fought him man to man. Alas I cannot do the same for you. This would be the murder of a boy! TROILUS: Has Cressida played me false? Very well, I'll fight my brother's murderer for I only live to kill Diomede! ACHILLES: Who is already dead. So follow him, Trojan! (They draw swords and fight ferociously, as they wheel round and round. ACHILLES is surprised by TROILUS' ability and strength for his slender frame but the Trojan is determined to avenge the death of his brother. ACHILLES trips and falls and TROLIUS moves in with his sword and stabs at the Greek. ACHILLES cries out in pain.) TROILUS: So died my brother. (He pushes his sword in again.) TROILUS: The wheel has spun full circle. (He goes to complete the task but ACHILLES, although wounded, manages to strike at TROILUS before he dies. TROLIUS staggers away from the body.) TROILUS: Diomede, I live to call down wrath for love of Cressida. [SCENE_BREAK] 14: EXT. MAIN SQUARE OF TROY (NIGHT) (A single Greek soldier pushes open the immense main gates of Troy. As he does so, the Greeks outside pour into the city with a cry.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. CHAMBER IN KING PRIAM'S PALACE (In the palace, PRIAM is pacing nervously as he hears the destruction of his city outside. CASSANDRA waits angrily by the window. A terrified female scream reaches them.) PRIAM: What noise was that? (PARIS can be heard outside the room in a fight. He enters the chamber, bleeding and exhausted.) PARIS: Father! PRIAM: What are you doing? PARIS: It's the Greeks! They were inside the horse and our gates are open to the enemy. CASSANDRA: And none of you would listen to me! (ODYSSEUS enters steeped in triumph, he is enjoying himself. He laughs heartily as his soldiers follow him in. PRIAM, CASSANDRA and PARIS turn to run.) ODYSSEUS: Flee hornets in their nest! (Laughs.) Kill them! (His soldiers run after the King and PARIS as CASSANDRA is thrown into ODYSSEUS' arms and he grabs her laughing.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: EXT. TROY (The city is now on fire...) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: EXT. MAIN SQUARE OF TROY (The DOCTOR has managed to give the Greeks the slip and has made his way to the TARDIS. VICKI sees him and runs towards him, KATARINA following.) VICKI: Doctor! (She runs into his arms.) VICKI: Oh, Doctor! DOCTOR: Oh, my dear child! (He laughs.) Oh, how lovely to see you! Where have you been all this time, hmm? And where's Steven? (VICKI points across the square.) VICKI: (Frantically.) Doctor he's over there, but I've got to talk to you. DOCTOR: Oh now one thing at a time child. Where's the young man? (VICKI calls over to the waiting handmaiden.) VICKI: Katarina? DOCTOR: Hmm? (The Trojan handmaiden steps forward.) VICKI: Katarina, this is the Doctor. Now go and find the man you call Diomede. He's hiding amongst those pillars over there. KATARINA: You're from the other place? DOCTOR: But who is this child? Now pull yourself together, we've got to go, hmm? VICKI: Katarina, go and find Diomede - he will be there. Bring him to...my temple, quickly. DOCTOR: We must all go and find him, come along! VICKI: No, Doctor, into the TARDIS. Quickly. (She desperately pushes the DOCTOR towards the door of the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: Yes, but my dear child, the boy, the boy... VICKI: Open the door and listen to me please! DOCTOR: Yes, yes, but be patient. VICKI: Steven is safe, Katarina will bring him... (The DOCTOR talks over VICKI as he unlocks the TARDIS door.) DOCTOR: Yes I know, patience, patience... VICKI: Come on, I've got to talk to you! (She pushes him into the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: Oh! [SCENE_BREAK] 18: EXT. ANOTHER PART OF THE MAIN SQUARE (STEVEN'S hiding place is not safe at all - his Greek soldier's robes have caught the attention of a Trojan warrior and they are fighting. Steven is wounded in the shoulder but another Greek enters the fray and the two move off fighting. STEVEN has fallen to the floor which is where he is found by KATARINA.) KATARINA: Diomede, Cressida has sent me. STEVEN: Who are you? (He is badly wounded and has very little strength left. KATARINA helps him up.) KATARINA: I've come to take you to your temple. Oh, come, quickly. STEVEN: I can't. KATARINA: Lean on me. (She holds the weakened STEVEN and leads him away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: EXT. MAIN SQUARE OF TROY (Across the square, the door to the TARDIS opens and VICKI steps sadly out. She walks off. A moment later, the DOCTOR emerges and watches her go.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. CHAMBER IN KING PRIAM'S PALACE. (PRIAM and PARIS lie dead. ODYSSEUS has CASSANDRA by the shoulders and is shaking her violently as she resists.) ODYSSEUS: Stop struggling woman! You are reserved for Agamemnon and he's welcome to you! CASSANDRA: Tricksters! You Greeks will never learn to fight honestly! ODYSSEUS: But we win! CASSANDRA: Not for long. The day will come when you will perish as you made us do! ODYSSEUS: Take her away. (He throws her to his soldiers.) ODYSSEUS: The high-born are reserved for Agamemnon! I can't wait to see him enjoy a talk with this one. CASSANDRA: (Spits.) Ten long years we fought you, Odysseus! And ten long years it'll be before you see your home again! ODYSSEUS: To Agamemnon with her! CASSANDRA: Oh! ODYSSEUS: To his ship. A personal present from me. (CASSANDRA is dragged struggling away.) CASSANDRA: Keep your hands off me! Keep your...hands off me! Oh! [SCENE_BREAK] 21: EXT. MAIN SQUARE OF TROY (The DOCTOR helps KATARINA to get STEVEN to the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: Now then, you sure it's just the shoulder, hmm? (KATARINA nods.) DOCTOR: Right well, steady, steady, hold tight, hold on. (The DOCTOR steadies STEVEN with KATARINA as he tries to get his key out.) DOCTOR: Yes, Careful, just a minute, careful, careful with him. (He opens the door.) DOCTOR: Oh dear, dear, this business. There we are. Now, come on bring him in...bring him in there. (He points at to the open door of the TARDIS. KATARINA helps the almost unconscious time traveller into the TARDIS. The DOCTOR calls to them from outside.) DOCTOR: Gently, carefully, that's it, that's it, put him on the couch. (As the DOCTOR is about to enter the TARDIS, ODYSSEUS rushes in with his troops with swords drawn. He turns away from the open door.) ODYSSEUS: Stand still old man - or you die! I claim your machine as part of my share! DOCTOR: Share of what? ODYSSEUS: The spoils of war! DOCTOR: Now you stand back. I've gone far enough with you, my Lord Odysseus. You go adventuring on your own. Be off with you! (He laughs and rushes into the TARDIS. ODYSSEUS yells to his soldiers.) ODYSSEUS: Seize it! Come on, move! Quickly...a cart! (The TARDIS begins to dematerialise.) ODYSSEUS: (In a rage.) Doctor! (As ODYSSEUS and the soldiers watch in awe, the ship fades away.) ODYSSEUS: Zeus! (Laughs.) I wonder...were you really Zeus, after all? [SCENE_BREAK] 22: EXT. PLAIN OF TROY (TROILUS is bereft as he watches his beloved city burn in the night.) TROILUS: Cressida! Cressida! Could you have betrayed us? (He almost screams in pain...) TROILUS: Cressida! (He sinks to his knees as someone stands next to him. He looks up and sees VICKI.) VICKI: I came to find you. TROILUS: Cressida what are you doing here. Where's Diomede? VICKI: He's gone...with...another friend that you never met. TROILUS: (Bitterly.) Back to Greece. VICKI: No to...where I come from. You see he wasn't really a Greek, he... (She notices his wounds.) VICKI: Oh, Troilus, you're hurt! TROILUS: Just a bit. (He tries to hide his wound.) VICKI: No, let me look. TROILUS: No, I'll be all right. Look, Cressida, I don't understand? VICKI: I... (She is stuck for an explanation.) VICKI: I don't suppose you ever will. That doesn't matter...so long as you trust me. TROILUS: Trust you! After all... VICKI: (Passionately.) I didn't betray you - that's why I stayed behind, I wanted you to know that I didn't. The main thing is...I belong here now with you - If you'll have me. TROILUS: Cressida... (He looks towards the remains of Troy.) TROILUS: Look what's happened. (VICKI follows his gaze.) VICKI: There's only us now. TROILUS: What do you mean? VICKI: I'll explain someday. I'm sorry. TROILUS: But...but there's nowhere to go. VICKI: We'll find somewhere. TROILUS: Oh, Cressida... (They embrace and kiss. TROILUS suddenly notices some figures moving in the distance.) TROILUS: Cressida, look! (VICKI tries to pull him down out of sight.) VICKI: Be careful, they may be Greeks! TROILUS: It's my cousin! VICKI: Cousin? TROILUS: Yes, Aeneas. Oh, if only he'd come sooner! VICKI: That's it. TROILUS: What? VICKI: He'll help us. TROILUS: (Confused.) But there's...there's nothing left. VICKI: (Smiles.) Yes there is - there's us. We can start again with your cousin's help we can...we can build another Troy! [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (Inside the TARDIS, STEVEN'S condition is worsening as he lies on the divan. The DOCTOR mops his brow while KATARINA stands helplessly by. STEVEN has some kind of infection, he is delirious and tosses and turns. The DOCTOR tuts.) DOCTOR: That's not good, that's not good at all. Hmm! Get help. KATARINA: What help is there in limbo? DOCTOR: What's that, my dear? STEVEN: Vicki... DOCTOR: No, no, no, no, no, keep calm, keep calm. STEVEN: Is she all right? DOCTOR: Yes, yes, she's all right, yes, yes. (STEVEN, in something of a fever, points at KATARINA.) STEVEN: What's she doing over there? DOCTOR: No, no, no that's not Vicki, that's not Vicki, now keep calm. STEVEN: Not Vicki? DOCTOR: Be quiet! (STEVEN starts to struggle.) STEVEN: Where is she? The Trojans'll kill her. You came too soon! DOCTOR: She's all right, she's all right. She wanted to stay. STEVEN: The Greeks...the Greeks...the Trojans... (STEVEN tries to rise from the couch, DOCTOR places a hand on his chest and pushes him back down.) DOCTOR: Keep still. STEVEN: Ahh...Vicki. DOCTOR: She's all right. I know she is. She's gone to find Troilus and she'll be quite all right. This is just what she wanted. Now calm down. Yes, quiet, quiet. STEVEN: (Whispers.) Vicki...Vicki... (He grows quieter.) DOCTOR: Oh... (Sighs.) You'll have to look after that young man. I think he has calmed down. (KATARINA smiles.) KATARINA: Strange god, you bring me peace. DOCTOR: No, I...I don't know what Vicki has advised you, but... KATARINA: Oh, the Priestess Cressida told me all would be well, and I knew it was to come. DOCTOR: What was to come my dear? KATARINA: That I was to die. DOCTOR: (Shocked.) My dear child you're not dead! That's nonsense. Hmm? (KATARINA looks round the console room.) KATARINA: This is not Troy. This is not even the world. This is the Journey through the Beyond. DOCTOR: Well, as you wish... KATARINA: Thank you. DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes, as you wish my child. Now I want you to keep an eye on that young man will you. Hmm? KATARINA: Yes, great god. DOCTOR: His name is Steven. Oh...and remember Katarina, you must call me Doctor. KATARINA: Oh, as you wish, Doc... DOCTOR: I'm not a Doc. I am not a god. Oh, my dear Vicki, I hope you'll be all right, hmm? (His voice is overcome with emotion.) DOCTOR: I shall miss you child. Oh, hmm! (He suddenly remembers their present acute situation.) DOCTOR: (Worried.) Oh yes, now those drugs, those drugs, what am I going to do? I must stop somewhere. But how? I've got to, yes! I must! I must! (The DOCTOR steps over to the console.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: EXT. TROY (In the remains of Troy, the Wooden Horse stands aloft...)

Missing episode When the TARDIS arrives on the plains of Asia Minor not far from the besieged city of Troy, the Doctor is hailed by Achilles as the mighty godZeus and taken to the Greek camp. He meets Agamemnon and Odysseus. Forced to admit he is a mere mortal - albeit a traveller in space and time - he is given two days to devise a scheme to capture Troy. Steven and Vicki, meanwhile, have been taken prisoner by the Trojans. Vicki, believed to possess supernatural powers, is given two days to banish the Greeks to prove she is not a spy.

fd_Doctor_Who_09x10

fd_Doctor_Who_09x10_0

[ INT. TARDIS ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( Clara and the Doctor come bursting through the TARDIS door, laughing and joking with each other. A bright light is behind them. ) Clara: I told you it'd work! The Doctor: It very nearly ate you for dinner. Clara: Oh, admit it. I totally saved your life. The Doctor: It wasn't going to eat me. Clara: ( laughs ) I totally saved you from having to marry that giant sentient plant thing. That bit where I jumped over the side? That was amazing! Hah! I knew you were impressed! The Doctor: The second most beautiful garden in all of time and space, and we can never come back here because you, Miss Oswald, decided... ( The TARDIS phone rings ) Clara: Hello? Rigsy (O.C.): Clara? Finally. It's Rigsy. Clara: Oh. Rigsy. Hey. What's wrong? Rigsy: So I have this, er... It kind of looks like a tattoo. Clara (O.C.): Seriously? I gave you this number for emergencies. Rigsy: It's an emergency, trust me. Just... Rigsy (O.C.): Come and take a look at it. Please. The Doctor: Who said you could give out my number? Clara: Look, look, no matter how bad it is, we cannot take you back down your timeline just to fix a tattoo. Rigsy: That's just it. I didn't get a tattoo. And it's... It's counting down. Clara: Sorry, what? ( Rigsy holds up a mirror and we see the number 538 on the back of his neck. ) Rigsy: The tattoo - it's a number and it's counting down to zero. Clara: Hang tight. We'll be right there. Rigsy: Hurry. Please. ( We see the number closer and it changes to 537 ) VWORP! VWORP! [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Rigsy's apartment - Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( From outside the building, we see a flashing light in one of the windows and we hear the sound of the TARDIS materializing. Inside, we see a baby in a pink cot. ) The Doctor: Did you make this human? Rigsy: Lucy? Yeah, she's mine. Clara: Hello. Oh, Rigsy, she's gorgeous. The Doctor: She's better than that. She's brilliant. ( The Doctor stands up and raises his voice. ) What are you doing running round getting tattoos when there's... Clara: Shh! Rigsy: Look, I didn't "get" anything. I woke up this morning and it was just there. Jen noticed it. The Doctor: OK, show me this tattoo you didn't get, then. It's a tattoo. It's very boring. Rigsy: No, wait. Just keep watching. ( The Doctor picks up a book and leafs through it. ) Clara: What were you doing last night? Rigsy: That's just it - yesterday was a total blank. Jen said I left the house before dawn, I missed work, and I didn't get back till after midnight. No-one saw me all day. ( We see the number change to 532. ) The Doctor: Oh, that's not boring. That is very not boring. ( The Doctor puts on his glasses and they chirp and hum. ) Clara: What? What is it? The Doctor: OK, Local Knowledge, you're coming with us. Bring the new human. ( The Doctor enters the TARDIS, then steps back out again. ) No! Don't bring the new human. I'll just get distracted. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. TARDIS ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( We hear some tones and a beam of light moves down Rigsy's body. ) The Doctor: If you want your extremities to stay attached, stand absolutely still. If not, we can provide a small bag, you can take them home at the end. Clara: ( looking at a monitor ) Rigsy, your phone. It's like they've wiped it, but only the last day. No location data, no texts, nothing. You're sure the screen wasn't cracked before yesterday? Rigsy: Mm-hm. The Doctor: Oh, right, OK, here we go. ( looking at the scan results on a monitor ) Ah... Good. Weird. Good and weird. Rigsy: Can I...? The Doctor: Oh, yes, yes. Of course. ( snaps his fingers ) First off... in the last 24 hours, you've had significant contact with alien life-forms, right here in the centre of London. Rigsy: OK, so why don't I remember anything? The Doctor: You've been retconned. Rigsy: Huh? Clara: What-conned? The Doctor: Amnesia drug. Your pre-frontal cortex is marinating in it. Oh, there's something else! Something... Er... not good. Weird. ( The Doctor moves over towards Clara, while picking up some white cards from the console. He begins looking through them in front of Clara. ) Rigsy: What's he doing? Clara: He's making an effort to be nice. The Doctor: ( hushed ) There is no nice way to say you're about to die. Rigsy: What?! The Doctor: Rigsy... Rigsy: No, no, no, no, don't start using my actual name now! Call me Pudding Brain, call me Local Knowledge, whatever. Just don't call me Rigsy. You're going to save me. You're a doctor. That's what you do. The Doctor: OK. OK... Yes, OK, let's do this thing. First up, stop the countdown. 526 minutes, right! OK. Yes, you know what, Local Knowledge, I don't know who did this to you or why. But I do almost certainly know... how to find them. ( The Doctor pushes some buttons and pulls a lever. ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Library - Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( The TARDIS materializes on the pavement beside a stone building. The Doctor, followed by Clara and then Rigsy exit the TARDIS and walk away from us. Cut to: looking down a long, wide corridor with high vaulted ceiling. The three walk towards us. ) The Doctor: There have always been rumours. Stories passed from traveller to traveller, mutterings about hidden streets, secret pockets of alien life right here on Earth. Like a smuggler's cove, only not a cove, because it's right here. Right in the middle of the capital. Rigsy: The hidden places are in the Great British Library? The Doctor: No. The maps are. ( The Doctor indicates a room with "Map Room" on the door and they enter. ) I never put stock in it. London streets that suddenly disappeared from human view? No. ( The Doctor unrolls a bundle of maps on a desk. ) You lot are always overlooking things, but whole streets? That would be excessive, even for you. If the stories are true, though, there should be a street on one of these old maps that no longer exists in the real world. Clara: Like a trap street, only not. The Doctor: What did you say? Clara: A trap street. You know, when someone's making a map, a, um... cartographer, uses a fake street, throws it into the mix, names it after one of his kids or whatever. Then if the fake street, the trap street, ever shows up on someone else's map, they know their work's been stolen. Clever, right? The Doctor: My God. A whole London street just up and disappeared and you lot assume it's a copyright infringement. Rigsy: So we're looking for a trap street? The Doctor: We're looking for a trap street and we're not going to find it here. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. TARDIS ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: The glasses are tracking your eye movements. Just keep looking straight down and... Clara: I know! Focus on the buildings directly below me. The Doctor: Whatever they're using, it only hides the street itself. It prevents you from noticing there's even something missing. They're somehow making our eyes skate right over it. Let's call it a misdirection circuit. ( Rumbling ) Rigsy: Clara! ( She whoops and laughs ) ( She whoops ) Clara: Hello, London! ( She laughs ) Clara: I'm good. I'm good. Rigsy: She enjoyed that...way too much. The Doctor: Tell me about it. It's an ongoing problem. Here. Keep it steady. Just move it slowly over the grid. When we're done, we'll have a map of the areas of the grid that Clara couldn't focus on. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Pedestrian Precinct - London - Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] Clara: So, these are the bits my eyes skated over. The Doctor: OK, we split up. Clara, that way. Local Knowledge... Forget the way you usually look at the world. This street's going to be hiding in plain sight. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. London Street - Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] Clara: 22, 23... The Doctor (O.C.): If you see something unusual or notable, dismiss it. Just keep walking. But if there's a bit of London so unremarkable that you don't even think about it... stop. You could very well be standing right outside a trap street. Count everything that you see. Clara: Four, five, six... The Doctor (O.C.): Because when you hit the area around a trap street, it's very likely you'll lose count. The Doctor: 79... 80... 81... 82. Young boy: Huh? The Doctor: Remember - 82. Boy's Mum: Come along! Young boy: 82! The Doctor (O.C.): You'll lose count because the misdirection circuit is creating confusion in your mind. Details won't add up. Reality will have glitches in it. Like when you try to read the same simple sentence three times over... Clara: One, two, three... The Doctor (O.C.): ..and the meaning just won't sink in. Clara: Got ya. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. London Street Corner - Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Clara! Clara! Rigsy: Clara! Clara: It's off this street, I am certain. The Doctor: We're very close. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. TARDIS ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor (O.C.): We need to distract our other senses. Clara, go back to the TARDIS. Pick up all my most annoying stuff. ( Phone beeps ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. London Street - Day ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: What happened to the stuff I asked you to bring? Clara: Someone called you. Yesterday, 6am. Blocked number. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Flashback ] Man: She's dead. [ End Flashback ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: What is it? What are you remembering? Clara: Rigsy, what is it? Rigsy: You can't see it? There! Clara: I see it. You? The Doctor: 50 minutes left. Hoodie up, Local Knowledge. They know what you look like in there. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. London Alley / Courtyard ] [SCENE_BREAK] Rigsy: How come I saw it when you guys couldn't? The Doctor: You were upset, weren't you? Something slipped through the retcon memory, something that took over your whole mind, something juicy. So the misdirection circuit lost its power over you. Clara: Surely people wander in here all the time, then, distracted, on their phones or whatever? The Doctor: Perhaps they do... ( Alarm rings ) ( He growls ) Man: Three at once. That's new. Rump: Hang about. ( sniffs ) This one don't smell human. Kabel: Name, species and case for asylum. Quick as you like. The Doctor: Asylum? Kabel: The reason you're here. The reason you need sanctuary. Why didn't they use the protocol? Rigsy: I saw through the circuit again. I saw them. They're definitely not human. Rump: You do know this is a refugee camp? The Doctor: Yeah, of course. Ashildr: Of course he does! Now that you've told him. Rump: Mayor Me. Clara: Ashildr! Ashildr: Ashildr? The Doctor: That's your name. I keep telling you that. Ashildr: Do you? Infinite lifespan, finite memory - it makes for an awkward social life. You must be Clara Oswald. You're as beautiful as your photos. Clara: We met. Ashildr: Yes, I know. It's in my diaries. Oh, don't look like that! I enjoyed our conversations. I've read them many times. Clara: OK, that's...slightly odd. But nice. Um, hang on, so this is where you've been. That's why he lost track of you. Oh, come on, please. It's really cute, he thinks I don't know. He's got this whole secret room in the TARDIS where he collects mentions of you. Ashildr: It's not cute. It's surveillance. The Doctor: It's professional interest. Ashildr: Precautionary measure. The Doctor: Still saving the world from me, then? Ashildr: It's still here, isn't it? Clara: He lost track of you in the early 1800s. I wondered if you were... Ashildr: Oh, no. I let him know I was OK. The Doctor: I saw you. Ashildr: No. I got your attention. The Doctor: Yes, you did, and you have. Now we need your help. Someone in this place is in control of a Quantum Shade. Rump: ( snarls ) I knew I recognised that smell. Ashildr: Oh. Clara: Ashildr? What's going on? The Doctor: You. Ashildr: How do you know this man? Clara: Hang on. You did this to Rigsy? The Doctor: What have you done? Ashildr: This man committed a crime. I sentenced him. Clara: Sentenced him? Ashildr: I also gave him enough time to return home and say goodbye to his family. The Doctor: You flooded his brain with retcon! Till we showed up, he didn't even know he had to say goodbye. Ashildr: I'm afraid no intruder leaves this place without a memory wipe. With respect, that will include you. Clara: Oh, the hell it will! The Doctor: Ashildr, given we're all going to forget this conversation anyway, perhaps you could tell us what happened here yesterday to necessitate a death sentence? Ashildr: Fine, I'll show you. Mr Kabel, Mr Rump. Permit them entry. The Doctor: No! You've already endangered one of my friends. I want your personal guarantee you will not endanger another. Clara: Shut up, I can handle myself. Ashildr: I guarantee the safety of Clara Oswald. She will be under my personal protection. That is absolute. Kabel: If that's your wish, Mayor Me. Ashildr: This way. Rump: Murderer. Clara: What did you say? Rigsy: Murderer. He called me a murderer. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Alley ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: So you're still calling yourself Me, then? Ashildr: Me? The Doctor: Mayor Me. Ashildr: Mayor is a title. I give myself a title for the same reason you do, Doctor - something to live up to. The Doctor: Difficult, isn't it? How long have you been here? Ashildr: Since Waterloo. The Doctor: The battle? Ashildr: No, the station. Really, Doctor. Tread carefully while you're here. Some of your greatest enemies are within a few feet of you. As far as you're concerned, this is the most dangerous street in London. Clara: Fascinating. Now, can we skip to the part where you want Rigsy dead for some reason? Woman: It's him! He's back! Ashildr: It's best we get him inside first. Man (O.C.): Murderer. You're not welcome here. Rigsy: They look at me as if they want to kill me themselves. Man (O.C.): Don't want your kind round here. Man (O.C.): Murderer! ( Hissing ) Ashildr: Like I said, it's best we get inside. Woman (O.C.): Filthy murderer! Rigsy: Wait, Clara. Look. The Doctor: This misdirection circuit of yours is remarkable. The cloaking device that hides the street, makes everyone look like humans. Ashildr: It's no device. It's the Lurkworms. Quite something, aren't they? The light is a telepathic field. It normalises everything you see, places it within the compass of your expectations, your experiences. You can bypass them, of course. The Doctor: Aiyaah! Ashildr: Don't worry. We're perfectly safe. The Doctor: Yes, a phrase I find is usually followed by a lot of screaming and running and bleeding. Ashildr: I brokered a truce. We have strict rules against violence here. Rules every creature must abide by if they wish to remain on the street. Man (O.C.): Get away from us! Don't want your kind round here. Ashildr: What's better, that they're in here with me, peaceful and cooperative, or out there on Earth like the Zygons? We haven't had an act of violence on this street for 100 years, until yesterday, when your friend here attacked one of our most vulnerable residents. Clara: How did Rigsy even get in? I mean, we barely managed it... [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. House - Entrance Hall ] [SCENE_BREAK] Clara: .. and we knew what we were looking for... Ashildr: She was found at the entrance of the street. No weapon on the scene, but the cause of death is likely the head wound. Seems she was knocked to the cobblestones. Clara: "Seems"? You've sentenced Rigsy to death yet you don't know exactly what's going on? Ashildr: He was found over the body. My people were angry, frightened. I had to act. Clara: This is ridiculous, this is... The Doctor: What was her name? Ashildr: Anah. We're keeping her here until someone can take her home for burial. The Doctor: She's a Janus! Ashildr: She escaped slavery. She fled here with her child. The Doctor: The child. A daughter? Ashildr: No. A boy. Clara: Is that bad? The Doctor: No, it's not bad, it's just unhelpful. A daughter might've seen who killed her mother. The female Janus is psychic. One face sees into the future, the other looks behind her, into the past. Clara: I think we saw her son outside. Rigsy: Clara, what if I did do it? I mean, I wouldn't have meant to hurt her, but... What if I wandered in and saw what she really looked like? What if I freaked? The Doctor: You didn't just wander in here. You were called here at 6am by a number from a mystery phone. Clara: There is no way you did this. Ashildr: So, what then? You think someone called him here? Set him up? Clara: Yes! Chronolock Guy(O.C. outside): Mayor! Clara: Obviously! Which means one of your pet aliens out there is the real killer. ( Banging on door ) Chronolock Guy(O.C.): I just need to talk to her. Ashildr: Excuse me. I'm sorry. The Doctor: Yes. Please, go. It's not like we've got a ticking clock or anything. Chronolock Guy(O.C. outside): Mayor, I beg of you, please... The Doctor: 41 minutes. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Courtyard ] [SCENE_BREAK] Chronolock Guy: Lock me up, throw us out, anything but this. Please. I only took it to save her. Ashildr: How many minutes left? Rump: Two, Madam Mayor. Ashildr: This man stole medical rations. He broke a rule of the street and he stole from all of you. And yes, I can remove the chronolock. But I won't. Our rules keep us safe. Chronolock Guy's Wife: Give it to me. Please. Tell me I can have it. One word. Say it. Say yes. Chronolock Guy: I did this to save you, you silly old thing. You really think I could lose you now? Rigsy: What's happening? The Doctor: It's called a Quantum Shade. It's kind of a spirit. Once it's bound to a victim, you could flee across all of time and all of the universe, it would still find you. ( Raven caws ) Kabel: Don't run. Stay with her. ( Raven caws ) Chronolock Guy's Wife: Don't go! Kabel: Why do they always run? Chronolock Guy: Help me, somebody, please! The Doctor: At least give him a merciful death. Ashildr: Do you think a Cyberman fears a merciful death? Chronolock Guy: Help me, please! Ashildr: Peace on this street depends on one thing. To break it in any way is to face the raven. Chronolock Guy: Please help me! [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Alley ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( He pants ) ( He screams ) ( People gasp ) ( Raven caws ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Courtyard ] [SCENE_BREAK] Ashildr: I have no wish to harm your friend if he's innocent, Doctor. Question anyone. Examine the body. But it's not me you need to convince of Rigsy's innocence. It's them. ( Crowd murmurs ) Clara: OK, we split up. Cover more ground. I'm good cop, you're bad cop. The Doctor: No, no, we don't have to... Can I not be the good cop? Clara: Doctor, we've discussed this. Your face. The Doctor: Oh, yes. Forget about cops. Forget about finding the real killer. You heard Ashildr. All we have to do is persuade these creatures that it isn't Rigsy. And fast. ( Baby cries, on phone ) Rigsy (on phone): Ssh! Ssh! Jen (O.C. on phone): She's been like this all day. Rigsy (on phone): Listen, you be good for your mum, OK? I'm doing my best to get home to you guys. Jen (O.C. on phone): She won't stop crying. Rigsy (on phone): Yeah, I know. Yeah, she can probably tell you're upset. Clara: Rump? It's, em, Rump, isn't it? That man's wife. She said something. "Give it to me, tell me I can have it." What did she mean? Rump: Two ways to survive a Quantum Shade. The Shade's master removes the chronolock... or you can give it to someone else. Clara: Give it? You can just... Rump: No, you can't just push it on someone. It's not that simple. It has to be taken willingly. The death's already locked in. You can pass it on, but... you can't cheat it. Rigsy: You're serious? You actually expect me to give you my death sentence? Clara: Ssh! Go on, I've always wanted a tattoo. You know, something small. Discreet. Rigsy: Clara. Cut it out. Clara: Weren't you listening? I'm under the Mayor's personal protection. And it's absolute, apparently. Look, she controls the raven, so I will never have to face it. This is clever. Rigsy: But this is putting you in danger. Clara: No, this is us talking the opposition into their own trap. This is Doctor 101. We're buying time. We get all the aliens on our side in the next half an hour, and then we reveal I've got the chronolock, not you, and boom! We buy ourselves more time to find the real killer. Rigsy: The Doctor would never let you do this. Clara: Doctor 102 - never tell anyone your actual plan. He'll have a tantrum when he finds out. And then, when we confront Ashildr, she'll want to take the chronolock off just to shut him up. What happens if you don't go home tonight to Jen and Lucy, eh? If you never go home? You really want your little girl growing up without a father just because he wouldn't take a risk? You trusted us to save you, so trust us. Come on. Rigsy: OK. All right. How do we do this, then? Clara: Well, I was kind of hoping that would be it. I say I want it, you say, "You can have it" - done deal. Hey, turn around, let me see. ( Caws ) Rigsy: So this is your life, then? Bouncing around time, saving people? Clara: No, not every day. Sometimes Jane Austen and I prank each other. Oh, she is the worst. I love her. Take that how you like. [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Ale House ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Are you sure it wasn't someone from the street? Rump: I've told you already there wasn't anyone up that end of the street except Anah and the human. The Doctor: I've identified 27 different species on this street so far, 15 of whom are known for aggression. Why is it so hard to believe one of them is capable of murder? Rump: Capable of murder? Yeah. Capable of killing Anah? No. The Doctor: Why not? What's so special about her? Habrian Woman: It was the way she looked at you. Like she understood. Elderly Woman: One glance into your past and she felt it all. Every battle, every loss. The Doctor: So you just want the human dead, is that it? Rump: You don't get it, do you? If the human didn't do it, that means one of us did it, which means folks start pointing fingers, turning on each other, and once we turn on each other in here, that's it. I might as well be back in a war zone. The Doctor: So you'll just let Rigsy die? Rump: To keep the peace? Yeah, I will. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Courtyard ] [SCENE_BREAK] Kabel: Your friend, acting like he was all scared of us, calling for a doctor. The Doctor: A what? Kabel: I know. The cheek of it! Humans can survive losing entire limbs and I'm supposed to believe he... The Doctor: Shut up! Shut up. The other thing you said, the second thing - what, you said he was scared and... Kabel: And he asked the Mayor to call HIM a doctor. Poor Anah, dead at his feet, and... The Doctor: Shh! Did he say "a doctor" or "the doctor"? This is very, very important. Kabel: THE doctor. There was nothing wrong with him, mind. It was all just your standard human lies... The Doctor: Clara gave you my number for emergencies. So when you wake up with a weird tattoo on your neck and no memory of the last 24 hours the first thing you do is call the Doctor. Rigsy: "Call the Doctor." The Doctor: But you find yourself accused of murder on a strange alien street in the middle of London? Only they've taken your phone so you beg the woman in charge to call me instead. She knew you and I were friends. So why did she lie? Unless she had something to hide. Man (O.C.): Murderer! The Doctor: There's something very wrong here and we're running out of time. Clara: There's 12 minutes left. I'm not giving up yet. Rigsy: Clara, even if one of them knows something, they're not going to come forward. The way they look at me... Clara: The way they look at you? Rigsy: What? [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Anahson's House ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( She knocks ) Clara: Hey. Wait. Everyone here is weird around us because of Rigsy. But not you. You look at me and the Doctor like you're confused. Like you're curious. Anahson: I don't know what you mean. Clara: You do. You know Rigsy is innocent because you can look into his past and you can see it. Can't you? [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. Anahson's House ] [SCENE_BREAK] Clara: She dressed you as a boy to protect you, but really you're a girl. You have the gift. Anahson: It is no gift. I'm safe as a boy. This is the first place I've ever been safe, and you want me to throw it away? To admit what I am? The Doctor: The Mayor - what is she up to? It's nothing good, is it? Anahson: I can't see everything... but she thinks she's doing the right thing. The Doctor: They usually do. If what Ashildr is doing is harmless, then we'll just walk out of that door. No-one will know of your abilities. But if it's not... Anahson: I don't know what she means to do. No, I'm trying! But I can't see it. I can't see it because it involves you. When I look at you, I can't tell your past from your future, and there's so very much of both. The Doctor: This isn't about Rigsy. It's about me. ( Whispering echoes ) Anahson (distorted): She couldn't just ask you here. She needed a mystery. You can never resist a mystery. She's afraid. The Doctor: Afraid of what? Of whom? Anahson: I can't see. I'm sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Alley ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( Caws ) The Doctor: You! Hold your tongue. We've got ten minutes left! [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. House - Entrance Hall ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Ashildr said Anah was being taken home for burial. But the Janus burn their dead. Rigsy: Is that true? Clara: So, look, Ashildr got it wrong. What does it matter? Come on! The Doctor: There's something about this tech... Rigsy: Doctor, we don't have time! Anahson: What is it? The Doctor: It looks like medical data. Anahson: But it can't be. She's dead - she isn't breathing. The Doctor: This thing is a stasis pod. If you're dead, it's a kind of fancy refrigerator. But if you're alive... ( Heartbeat ) The Doctor: ..it simply keeps you that way. Anahson: She's alive? The Doctor: She's alive. Anahson: Well, get her out! Get her out of there! The Doctor: There must be a way to unlock it - something basic, something simple I'm missing. Rigsy: A keyhole! The Doctor: A keyhole would be very handy, yes, but... Rigsy: No, no, a keyhole! Look! I'll find her. I'll get the key. The Doctor: No, Anahson, stay here. There's a reason the Mayor's gone AWOL. She means for us to release your mother, but she doesn't want us to use her key. She wants to use mine. Clara: The TARDIS? That's what this is about? Doctor, wait! The Doctor: This girl needs her mother. Clara: Doctor! The Doctor: I can't... ( Clicking ) What's it doing? ( CLANG! ) Anahson: Mum! Mum? Are you OK? Ashildr: She'll be perfectly fine in a few moments. I assure you. The Doctor: There are easier ways to steal a key, you know. Ashildr: I don't want your TARDIS. That's not what this is about. Rigsy, come here, I'll remove your chronolock. The Doctor: What is this, Ashildr? You can't possibly think it'll keep me here. Ashildr: It's not a restraint. It's a teleport bracelet. Clara: What? Ashildr: I'll give you time to say goodbye. Don't worry. No-one will be hurt. The Doctor: Where are you sending me? Ashildr: I made a deal to protect the street. They take you, I take the key so you can't be traced. I do as they tell me, and the street is safe. The Doctor: They? Who are "they?" Ashildr: One more thing. Your confession dial. They have other means of procuring it, but I understand it's likely to be on your person. Please, no resistance. You've already lost. What is it? The Doctor: In your terms, my last will and testament. Ashildr: How does it work? The Doctor: I've no idea. Ashildr: Well, thank you anyway. Rigsy, your neck. Rigsy: Clara, what are you playing at? The chronolock! Clara: Take the teleport off him first! Rigsy: I don't have it, I'm telling you. Clara does! Ashildr: No... No, you didn't. Clara: Go on, then. Take it off. The Doctor: Clara, you didn't...! Ashildr: I had no idea she'd do something so stupid. I swear, I never meant for anyone to get hurt. What were you thinking, sacrificing yourself? Clara: I wasn't sacrificing anything! It was strategy. backup plan, to buy us more time. The Doctor: Who told you to give it to her? Clara: Nobody did! I did! Rump said... The Doctor: What exactly did Rump say? Clara: He said the death is locked in. You can pass it on, but... The Doctor: But what? Clara: But... Ashildr (O.C.): But you can't cheat it altogether. ( Caws ) Rigsy: Clara, you didn't tell me that! Give it back to me, now. Ashildr: She can't. Clara, I made a contract with the Shade when I put the chronolock on Rigsy. I promised it a soul and only I can break that contract. When you took it from him, you changed the terms. You cut me out of the deal. ( Raven caws ) Clara: We can fix this. Can't we? We always fix it. The Doctor: No. (to Ashildr) But you can. Fix this. Fix it now. Ashildr: It... It's not possible. I can't. The Doctor: Yes, it is, you can, and you will, or this street will be over. I'll show you and all your funny little friends to the whole laughing world. I'll bring UNIT, I'll bring the Zygons. Give me a minute, I'll bring the Daleks and the Cybermen. You will save Clara, and you will do it now, or I will rain hell on you for the rest of time. Ashildr: Doctor, stop talking like that. You can't. The Doctor: I can do whatever the hell I like. You've read the stories, you know who I am. And in all of that time, did you ever hear anything about anyone who stopped me? Ashildr: I know the Doctor. The Doctor would never... The Doctor: The Doctor is no longer here! You are stuck with me. And I will end you, and everything you love. Clara: Doctor, for God's sake, will you stop? The Doctor: No! Clara: I did this, do you hear me? I did this. This was my fault. The Doctor: I don't care. Clara: Liar. You always care. Always have. Your reign of terror will end with the sight of the first crying child and you know it. The Doctor: No, I don't. Clara: I do. Listen... If this is the last I ever see of you, please... not like this. ( Distant cawing ) Clara: Is there anything you can do? Ashildr: I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry, I... Clara: Time's short. Yes or no? Ashildr: No. ( He breathes heavily ) Clara: Well, if Danny Pink can do it, so can I. The Doctor: Do what? Clara: Die right. Die like I mean it. Face the raven. The Doctor: No, this isn't happening, this can't be happening. Clara: Maybe this is what I wanted. Maybe this is it. Maybe this is why I kept running. Maybe this is why I kept taking all those stupid risks. Kept pushing it. The Doctor: This is my fault. Clara: This is my choice. The Doctor: I let you get reckless. Clara: Why? Why shouldn't I be so reckless? You're reckless all the bloody time! Why can't I be like you? The Doctor: Clara, there's nothing special about me. I'm nothing but I'm less breakable than you. I should have taken care of you. Clara: I never asked you to. The Doctor: You shouldn't have to ask. ( Raven caws ) ( People scream ) Rigsy: Clara, if I'd known, I'd... Clara: Don't. Shut up. Rigsy: But... Clara: Really, Rigsy, shut up. If you feel guilty about this, even for one minute, I... ( Cawing ) Clara: You. Now, you listen to me. You're going to be alone now, and you're very bad at that. You're going to be furious and you're going to be sad, but listen to me. Don't let this change you. No, listen. Whatever happens next... wherever she is sending you, I know what you're capable of. You don't be a warrior. Promise me. Be a Doctor. The Doctor: What's the point of being a Doctor if I can't cure you? Clara: Heal yourself. You have to. You can't let this turn you into a monster. So... I'm not asking you for a promise. I'm giving you an order. You will not insult my memory. There will be no revenge. I will die, and no-one else, here or anywhere, will suffer. The Doctor: What about me? Clara: If there was something I could do about that, I would. I guess we're both just going to have to be brave. The Doctor: Clara... Clara: Everything you are about to say, I already know. Don't do it now. We've already had enough bad timing. ( Raven caws ) The Doctor: Don't run. Stay with me. Clara: Nah. You stay here. In the end, everybody does this alone. The Doctor: Clara... Clara: This is as brave... as I know how to be. I know it's going to hurt you, but...please... be a little proud of me. Goodbye, Doctor. ( Raven caws ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EXT. Alley ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( Caws ) Clara: Let me be brave. Let me be brave... ( She gasps ) ( She exhales ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ INT. House - Entrance Hall ] [SCENE_BREAK] Ashildr: I'm sorry, Doctor. I truly am. ( Controls beep ) The Doctor: What Clara said about not taking revenge - do you know why she said that? Ashildr: She was saving you. The Doctor: I was lost a long time ago. She was saving you. I'll do my best. But I strongly advise you to keep out of my way. You'll find it's a very small universe when I'm angry with you. ( Bracelet beeps ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ To be continued... ] [ Next Time ] [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: This whole place is designed to terrify me. I know you. I've seen you before. If you were any part in killing her and you're not afraid, then you understand nothing at all. I am the Doctor, I'm coming to find you and I will never, ever stop.

The Doctor and Clara receive a phone call from Rigsy, who informs them of strange numbers that have appeared on the back of his neck that are counting down with no memory of how he got it. After examining him, they trace his movements to a trap street in present-day London that houses extraterrestrial refugees. They then discover Rigsy was sentenced to death by Me, [N 2] the street's mayor, for murdering an alien called Anah and that Rigsy will be killed by an alien raven when the tattoo, known as a Chronolock, reaches zero. Clara discovers that the Chronolock can be transferred to a willing recipient and takes it from Rigsy, believing that Me will spare her, buying them more time. The Doctor realises from the medical data in the stasis pod Anah is stored inside that Anah is still alive; Me made a deal with an unknown party to have the Doctor transported far away to keep the street safe. As the Chronolock has been passed on to Clara, Me cannot remove it and Clara cannot be saved. Clara pleads with the Doctor not to take revenge for her. The raven kills Clara, and the Doctor is teleported away.

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UNDERWORLD BY: BOB BAKER AND DAVE MARTIN Part Four Running time: 22:53 [SCENE_BREAK] JACKSON: Cover him! TALA: Captain. JACKSON: Go on, Tala. Forward, Tala. JACKSON: Withdraw! JACKSON: Come on, pull! There we are. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Quickly now. Stay calm. Everybody stay quite calm. Calm. K9, back to the ship. Check all the systems. We're leaving in a hurry. K9: Affirmative. DOCTOR: There must be another way back to the Oracle. Jackson? Jackson, can you and the crew hold them off? JACKSON: We'll certainly mount an attack, Doctor. DOCTOR: Good. Leela? LEELA: Hmm? DOCTOR: You come with me. LEELA: I'm staying to fight. DOCTOR: You'll come with me. Idas, you too. Have you got a sword? IDMON: Take care, son. Take care. DOCTOR: Jackson. Right, Jackson. JACKSON: Ready. Now! [SCENE_BREAK] JACKSON: Forward. RASK: Security. They're driving us back. DOCTOR: This way. LEELA: No. DOCTOR: What? LEELA: Something's there. DOCTOR: What? DOCTOR: Where does that lead? IDAS: I don't know. [SCENE_BREAK] RASK (OOV.): They are too strong for us! I need reinforcements. TARN: Hold them. You must hold them. LAKH: I order you to stand and fight. We must protect the Oracle. RASK (OOV.): But Master, we cannot hold for very much LAKH: No excuses! Stand and fight. HERRICK: There's no stopping us now. A hundred thousand years of searching, General. There's no stopping us now. I smell victory. ANKH: Wait. Let us consider which is more important, the Oracle or these cylinders. LAKH: The Oracle. ANKH: Then should we not give them what they want and let them depart? LAKH: But what they want does not exist. ANKH: The Oracle will know. Why should we destroy each other? LAKH: Very well. ANKH: These cylinders you speak of, tell us what they look like. If they are indeed here, you shall have them and take them to your comrades. HERRICK: You would set me free? ANKH: Yes. HERRICK: Well, there are two of them. Solid gold, stamped with the mark of Minyos, the length of a man's hand. ANKH: Good. LAKH: Tell Rask to arrange a truce. [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Doctor, we're here. Look. [SCENE_BREAK] ANKH: The intruders are defeating us. They will destroy us, destroy you, unless they are given these cylinders. ORACLE: Then shall not they be destroyed by that which they so desperately desire? ANKH: Can it be done? ORACLE: Cannot all things be done? [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: They have given up without a fight. DOCTOR: Yes, it certainly seems like it. LEELA: Why? DOCTOR: I don't know. DOCTOR: Let's take a look. [SCENE_BREAK] JACKSON: No return of fire. What's going on? ORFE: There are two of them. JACKSON: No, wait. Could be a trick. Be ready. RASK: I have been ordered to speak with you. JACKSON: Surrender? RASK: Truce. JACKSON: On what terms? RASK: The terms are that you take what you came for and depart, leaving us to our way. If not, your comrade will be executed. JACKSON: What comrade? Herrick is dead. RASK: You think so, Captain? HERRICK: I got them. The Quest is over. The Quest is over. HERRICK: The Quest is over. JACKSON: At last. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Stay here. ORACLE: What is it that you want? DOCTOR: The cylinders. The race bank of the Minyans. ORACLE: Have they not been given? DOCTOR: Well, that's what I'm asking. ORACLE: Who are you to dare question my word? DOCTOR: Well, who do I have to be to dare question your word? I'll give you a clue, shall I? If it wasn't for my people, you wouldn't have seen the light of day. ORACLE: People? What people? DOCTOR: The ones the Minyans call the gods. ORACLE: Gods? There are no gods but me. Have I not created myself? Do I not rule? Am I not all-powerful? DOCTOR: Well, yes, here you are, yes, but nowhere else. You're just another machine with megalomania. Another insane object, another self-aggrandising artefact. You're nothing. Nothing but a mass of superheated junk with delusions of grandeur. ORACLE: Nothing? Am I not the keeper of the race bank? DOCTOR: What did you say? ORACLE: I am the keeper. DOCTOR: Ah ha! Then you've still got them. ORACLE: I am the keeper. DOCTOR: Keeper? You're nothing but a box, and I've got the key. (to Idas) Give me that. ORACLE: Destroy! Destroy! ORACLE: No! Destroy! LEELA: Doctor, they're coming. Come on! ORACLE: Destroy! LEELA: Doctor, leave it! Come on! ORACLE: Destroy! LEELA: Doctor, hurry! Come on now! ORACLE: Destroy him! LEELA: Hurry, Doctor! DOCTOR: Almost there. LEELA: Hurry, they're coming. ORACLE: Destroy him! LEELA: Doctor! ORACLE: Destroy! Destroy! Destroy! Destroy! Destroy him! DOCTOR: No hard feelings. LEELA: Come on! ORACLE: Destroy him! ANKH: After them. They must not meet the others. [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Which way? Which way? DOCTOR: They know this place better than we do. IDAS: The tunnels! Through there. They'll never find us through there. [SCENE_BREAK] TARN: They've reached tunnel seven, Master. ANKH: Good. Close it down and collapse it. [SCENE_BREAK] IDAS: Quickly, through here. This was formed by the last skyfall. We should be safe in here. LEELA: Safe? LEELA: What are you doing? DOCTOR: I'm just wondering what they've given Jackson. [SCENE_BREAK] JACKSON: The Quest is over. Set course for Minyos Two. K9, how do we stand for launch? K9: Fuel absorption incomplete. TALA: We've enough to get away, but it'll be a slow journey. HERRICK: I say we go. ORFE: We've got what we came for. JACKSON: Right, prepare to launch. K9: Negative. JACKSON: What? K9: Personnel incomplete. Doctor and the mistress not on board. JACKSON: Find them. Tell them we're going. Now! K9: Affirmative. [SCENE_BREAK] IDAS: We're trapped. Don't you understand, Doctor? We're trapped. LEELA: Yes, we're going to be here for ever. DOCTOR: No. They'll come and dig us out. LEELA: Who? DOCTOR: Well, whoever it was buried us. LEELA: Why should they bother? DOCTOR: Because we've got something it wants. The Oracle, remember? [SCENE_BREAK] ANKH: The cylinders must be replaced. Order a party of slaves to tunnel seven. TARN: And the bodies of the intruders, Master? ANKH: Into the crusher. [SCENE_BREAK] TALA: Five, four, three, two, one. ORFE: Secondary check complete. JACKSON: Third and final check. Commence countdown. Come on, Doctor, come on. ORFE: Forty to launch. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: What kept you, K9? K9: Gratitude is unnecessary. Speed is vital. [SCENE_BREAK] ORFE: Ten, nine JACKSON: Run up on drive. ORFE: Eight. TALA: Drive running. ORFE: Seven, six. JACKSON: Pressurise. ORFE: Five, four, three, two JACKSON: Prepare to blast out. ORFE: One. DOCTOR (OOV.): Stop! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Here are your race banks. JACKSON: (coming down the stairs) Then what are those? DOCTOR: That's what I intend to find out. DOCTOR: K9, what do you make of these? K9: Analysis indicates fission grenades. DOCTOR: What? K9: Do not proceed. Impossible to defuse. Explosive contents in excess of two thousand megatons. DOCTOR: Two thousand megatons? JACKSON: How much time have we got? DOCTOR: I don't know. JACKSON: What are we going to do? DOCTOR: I think I'd better get rid of them, don't you? K9: Affirmative. LEELA: Doctor, wait! [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Which way did he go? IDAS: I don't know. LEELA: He may have need of us. We'll try this way. [SCENE_BREAK] ORACLE: Why? Why have they not been found? ANKH: The slaves are digging. ORACLE: Shall they not be found? Are they not my purpose? LAKH: They shall be found. It shall be done. [SCENE_BREAK] IDAS: It's no good. We've lost him. LEELA: Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Excuse me, I'm a stranger here myself. Could you direct me to the Oracle? RASK: Guards! I'll take those, Doctor. DOCTOR: What, those? I wouldn't if I were you. They won't do you any RASK: Give them here. You, take care of him. And make sure you finish him off this time. Then bring this lot back to the Citadel. DOCTOR: You're making a terrible mistake. Those are the wrong ones. RASK: You can do better than that, Doctor. DOCTOR: Ah, well, er. DOCTOR: Look, getting rid of me isn't going to solve anything. Those cylinders were bombs. Why don't we just wait a few minutes and then we can all go together, hmm? LEELA: Doctor! Doctor, are you all right? DOCTOR: Yes, yes, I think so. Come on, let's get out of here. We've got no time. Tell them they've got no time. IDAS: Listen to me! The prophecy's being fulfilled. Our god has come to save us. We can escape to the stars. Hurry! LEELA: We must hurry! IDAS: Yes, come on, come on. LEELA: Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] TARN: You have found them. Well done, Rask. Quickly. ANKH: They have been found. ORACLE: Replace them, quickly. ORACLE: They must never leave my keeping again. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Quiet! Quiet, everyone. Come on, here. DOCTOR: Now listen to me. I want you to stay calm, and when I say, go quickly but quietly. Ready? Take this little one. Off you go now. Come on. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Come on, come on. Plenty of room for everyone. Everything's going to be all right. All right, all right. JACKSON: What's going on? Get off, all of you. Off the ship! Get out! DOCTOR: What are you doing? Never mind that! JACKSON: What are you doing? We can't take all these people! DOCTOR: No! Come on. JACKSON: We can't. We're too low on fuel. DOCTOR: This planet's going to explode. JACKSON: Then get them off. Get off! DOCTOR: Why? JACKSON: I must safeguard the race bank. DOCTOR: Why? JACKSON: Why? The future of our people. DOCTOR: Listen, Jackson. This is your people. This is your race. Descendents of the people who came on the P7E. JACKSON: But we can't take the extra weight. DOCTOR: Look this planet is going to explode, Jackson. Your only hope is to go, and go now. Go, Jackson, go! DOCTOR: Right. Sit down, everybody. Sit down. Now, stay very calm. [SCENE_BREAK] HERRICK: Outer section sealed. JACKSON: Run up on drive. TALA: Drive running. JACKSON: Pressurise. ORFE: Check. JACKSON: Prepare to blast out. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Get down. Right down, right down. [SCENE_BREAK] TARN: They've cleared the surface. Not long now and they'll all be blown to bits. [SCENE_BREAK] ORACLE: These are not the cylinders! Get rid of them or we shall all be destroyed. ANKH: Where? ORACLE: Get rid of them! Get rid of them! ANKH: But where? There's no time. ORACLE: Get rid of them! Get rid of them! ANKH: We can't. ORACLE: Then defuse them! ANKH: How? [SCENE_BREAK] JACKSON: More power! TALA: I'm trying. ORFE: We're falling back. JACKSON: More power! TALA: There is no more. ORFE: The planet's gravity's pulling us back, sir. DOCTOR: Everything all right, Jackson? TALA: We don't have enough power to reach escape velocity. JACKSON: You know why, don't you, Doctor? It's the extra weight, isn't it, Doctor. DOCTOR: Oh, come on, Jackson, be brave. Sit down. [SCENE_BREAK] ANKH: It is not possible. ORACLE: Why? Why? LAKH: You made it so. ORACLE: Then I have failed in my duty, and deserve destruction. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: There she goes. If you wanted power, Jackson, get ready to ride out the blast. ORFE: We made it! JACKSON: Speed? TALA: Four sevenths light. JACKSON: Course? ORFE: One two zero, sir. JACKSON: How long to Minyos Two? HERRICK: Three hundred and seventy years, sir. That's nothing, is it? JACKSON: Doctor! DOCTOR: Yes? JACKSON: Aren't you coming with us to Minyos Two? DOCTOR: No, no, no time. I'm very busy. Goodbye, Jason. ORFE: Goodbye. HERRICK: Goodbye! [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Doctor? DOCTOR: Hmm? LEELA: Why did you call him Jason? DOCTOR: Who? LEELA: Jackson. DOCTOR: What? I called Jackson Jason? LEELA: Yes. Is Jackson Jason? DOCTOR: No, Jackson isn't Jason. LEELA: Well, is Jason Jackson? DOCTOR: No, no, no. Jason was another captain on a long quest. LEELA: I don't understand. DOCTOR: Ah. He was looking for the Golden Fleece. LEELA: Did he find it? DOCTOR: Yes, yes. He found it hanging on a tree at the end of the world. Perhaps those myths are not just old stories of the past, you see, but prophecies of the future. Who know? What do you think, K9? K9: Negative. DOCTOR: What did he say? LEELA: Negative. DOCTOR: Negative? Can he paint? Hmm? Negative. LEELA: Negative.

With the Trog revolt close to success, the Oracle grants the Minyos travelers what they seek (the long lost race bank) in hopes they'll depart peacefully and straight away, but the Doctor suspects it's not all going to be as amicable as that. And what to do about the Trogs?

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The Massacre (of St. Bartholomew's Eve) by John Lucarotti first broadcast - 26th February, 1966 [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. PRESLIN'S SHOP (ANNE has spent the night alone in PRESLIN'S shop. STEVEN pounds on the door startling her until she hears his voice.) STEVEN: Anne! Anne, are you there? Anne! (ANNE answers the door and lets an exhausted STEVEN in.) ANNE: Oh, monsieur! I'd given you up for lost when you didn't come back last night and I thought the guards must have caught you. STEVEN: (Breathless.) Yes, they nearly did. I managed to shake them off. I'm sorry, the curfew rang before I could get back last night. The guards were still looking for me this morning. That's why I've been so long. (He takes his sword off.) ANNE: Did you see Monsieur Muss and give him your message? STEVEN: Oh, yes. The warning was too late. (He puts his sword down.) ANNE: What will you do now? Go back to your friend? The Doctor. STEVEN: (Despondent.) I can't Anne. He's dead. ANNE: (Shocked.) Monsieur! STEVEN: I saw his body lying in the street by the Abbot's house. Before I could do anything Roger Colbert saw me and sent the guards after me again. Heaven knows what I'll do now. (He thinks for a second.) ANNE: Return to England? STEVEN: I can't. I've got to find the key to the TARDIS. ANNE: What Monsieur? STEVEN: The Doctor has a special key. Without it I can't leave. ANNE: Well do you know where it is? STEVEN: No. If the Doctor had it with him then I'm lost. I...I didn't had time to look for it. My only hope is that it's still with his own clothes. ANNE: Could it be at the Abbot's house? STEVEN: Oh, no. No. He'd have had to change before he went there. The only other place I think he's been to is...is the shop. ANNE: Oh, but we've already searched here, monsieur, looking for clothes for you. STEVEN: Anne, we must do it again! Please help me. Open every cupboard, every box. I must find that key. ANNE: Right, monsieur. (They start to search.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. THE LOUVRE (SIMON is reporting to MARSHAL TAVANNES.) MARSHAL TAVANNES: It may hinder the inquiry into the attempted assassination of de Coligny. SIMON: Surely the King is insisting that de Coligny is avenged? MARSHAL TAVANNES: He is. But by blaming the death of the Abbot on the Huguenots we may be able to cover our tracks. SIMON: Will the King pay any attention to the Abbot's death? MARSHAL TAVANNES: I don't know. Fortunately the Admiral himself is helping us. He doesn't want the inquiry yet so that may give us a little time. SIMON: Therefore the Englishman must be caught. MARSHAL TAVANNES: And killed. He must not be allowed to get back to the Abbot's house. SIMON: The men are searching Paris for him. MARSHAL TAVANNES: He must be found tonight. Tomorrow is St. Bartholomew's Day and it will be all too easy for him to evade us in the revelry. (A messenger knocks at the door and enters, giving a written message to TAVANNES. He reads it.) MARSHAL TAVANNES: The Queen Mother. She commands me to go to her. No doubt she has thought of some further scheme to protect her good name. (He goes to the door.) MARSHAL TAVANNES: Wait for me here, Simon. I may have more instructions for you when I get back. (He leaves. SIMON picks up the message and reads it.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. PRESLIN'S SHOP (STEVEN and ANNE have almost ransacked the shop in their search for the DOCTOR'S clothes. Items of clothing litter the floor. ANNE comes from another part of the shop after her search.) STEVEN: Well? ANNE: Nothing, monsieur. There's no sign of your friend's clothes anywhere. STEVEN: They must be here. ANNE: All I've found was this. (ANNE shows STEVEN the DOCTOR'S stick.) STEVEN: But... but this is his stick! ANNE: Your friend's? STEVEN: Yes. Well his clothes must be here somewhere! Where did you find it? ANNE: In the back, monsieur. But there are no clothes there. STEVEN: Are you sure? ANNE: Yes. I've searched everywhere! STEVEN: Then why the stick? He...he couldn't have pretended to be the Abbot dressed as he was. So he must have changed somewhere. But where? ANNE: Perhaps he went away somewhere with the apothecary who used to live here? STEVEN: With Preslin? No he couldn't. ANNE: Why not? STEVEN: Because Preslin is either dead or in prison. DOCTOR: He is not. (They turn round. The DOCTOR has entered the shop!.) STEVEN: (Shocked.) Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. DE COLIGNY'S RESIDENCE (GASTON has come to visit a still weak DE COLIGNY.) GASTON: The Catholics will not rest until you are dead! ADMIRAL DE COLIGNY: (Weakly.) You are too impetuous, Vicomte. TELIGNY: The King is determined to prevent a further attempt. Why else do you think he's put so heavy a guard on this house? GASTON: A Catholic guard under a Catholic commander! The Admiral could hardly be in the care of a greater enemy. TELIGNY: He is under the protection of the King. GASTON: And the Queen Mother. NICHOLAS: Gaston, you are tiring the Admiral. Doing yourself an injustice. You had better return to the Louvre. GASTON: No! (He goes over to DE COLIGNY.) GASTON: If I were to leave Paris it would be better for you and for us. NICHOLAS: The surgeons said the Admiral must not be moved. GASTON: Then may God protect you. (GASTON leaves the house.) ADMIRAL DE COLIGNY: (Weakly.) I hope Henri of Navarre realises how dangerous it is to have such a hothead in his service. TELIGNY: He must be wrong. The commander wouldn't dare to disobey the King after what has happened. NICHOLAS: Let us hope so. Is there anything you need, Admiral? ADMIRAL DE COLIGNY: (Quietly.) Stay with me. NICHOLAS: Of course. TELIGNY: We must be grateful that the wounds are not poisoned. So that there is no fear of you dying. ADMIRAL DE COLIGNY: I do fear death. I only hope that we have nothing to fear from my staying alive. [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. PRESLIN'S SHOP (STEVEN has told the DOCTOR of the recent events.) DOCTOR: Oh, my dear boy, had you stayed at the tavern all this mix-up could have been avoided. STEVEN: (Angry.) I did stay in the tavern, you didn't turn up! DOCTOR: Yes, well, I was unavoidably delayed. Never mind that now. Come along, we must go. Come along. ANNE: You can't now, monsieur. The curfew's rung. DOCTOR: What? Oh that wretched curfew is the start of so much trouble. ANNE: It'd be easy to leave Paris in the morning, monsieur. Tomorrow is St. Bartholomew's Day and everyone will be celebrating. STEVEN: Huh! With all the trouble that's going on I can't see what they've got to celebrate. DOCTOR: I told you not to get involved. STEVEN: Look, I tried not to but the Abbot did look like you. If I hadn't found out about Admiral de Coligny being the 'Sea Beggar' then... DOCTOR: (Interrupts.) What's that? STEVEN: I tried to tell you before. Admiral de Coligny is one of the Huguenot leaders. The Catholics tried to shoot him. DOCTOR: (To ANNE.) Did you say tomorrow was St. Bartholomew's Day, child? ANNE: Yes, monsieur. DOCTOR: What year is this, my boy? STEVEN: I don't know. What difference does it make? DOCTOR: What date is it, child? ANNE: Date monsieur? August the twenty-third. As I said, tomorrow's... DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes, I know that. The year, the year... hmm? ANNE: (Smiles.) 1572, monsieur. But surely you know that? (The DOCTOR, worried at this information, thinks, then...) DOCTOR: Go home, Anne. You must leave here at once. ANNE: No, I've got nowhere to go! DOCTOR: Where were you working? ANNE: At the Abbot's house. DOCTOR: You go back there. ANNE: (Shouts.) I can't! They'll kill me! DOCTOR: You must leave this shop, child. STEVEN: Doctor, what's happening? DOCTOR: Oh please don't interfere. (To ANNE.) Now, my dear, there must be somewhere you can stay in Paris? ANNE: No, there's only my aunt's place, and they'll kill me there. DOCTOR: Oh, nonsense. Tonight, you will be quite safe. Now you go carefully through the streets, hmm? ANNE: Well, what about the curfew? DOCTOR: Well you've been out in the curfew before haven't you? ANNE: Yes, but the guards... DOCTOR: Then you know how to avoid the patrols. You go back to your aunt; you'll be quite safe. And you take my advice and stay indoors tomorrow. Now do you understand? It's too dangerous for you to stay here. Now off you go, child. Come along, off, off, off! STEVEN: But, Doctor, I don't think it's... DOCTOR: Ah, shh, shh, shh! ANNE: Goodbye then, Steven. Safe journey. STEVEN: Doctor, I don't think she should go. DOCTOR: Now out you go, my child. Off you go. (ANNE leaves.) STEVEN: Bye. (To the DOCTOR.) Look, are you sure she'll be all right? The guards are waiting for her. DOCTOR: My dear Steven, the Catholics will have other things on their minds tonight. She will be quite safe. Now then, you and I must leave Paris at once. Come! STEVEN: Look, Doctor, what is going on? DOCTOR: There is no time for me to explain. Come along, boy. Come along! [SCENE_BREAK] 6. THE LOUVRE (The Queen Mother enters the study of TAVANNES where he is writing a paper. He does not look up.) MARSHAL TAVANNES: Simon? CATHERINE DE MEDICI: The Queen Mother. (TAVANNES gets quickly to his feet.) MARSHAL TAVANNES: Madame, I apologise, I thought... CATHERINE DE MEDICI: Never mind. I have it here - the order signed by the King. Our plans for tomorrow can go ahead. (She passes him a document which he quickly reads.) MARSHAL TAVANNES: Thank God! CATHERINE DE MEDICI: God had very little to do with it. (TAVANNES in turn passes her the paper he has been writing.) CATHERINE DE MEDICI: What's this? MARSHAL TAVANNES: The list, madam. When those Huguenots are killed we need have no further fear of a Protestant France. CATHERINE DE MEDICI: We have no need of lists, Marshall. The good people of Paris know their enemies. They will take care of them. MARSHAL TAVANNES: (Shocked.) The good people...? Madam, if you rouse the mob the innocent will perish with the guilty. CATHERINE DE MEDICI: Innocent? Heresy can have no innocence. France will breath a pure air after tomorrow. MARSHAL TAVANNES: And,... Navarre, madam? Your son-in-law? Is he to be slaughtered with the others? CATHERINE DE MEDICI: Tomorrow Henri of Navarre will pay for his pretensions to the Crown. MARSHAL TAVANNES: Madam, we must not kill Navarre. CATHERINE DE MEDICI: Must not? MARSHAL TAVANNES: Protestant Europe will merely shed a pious tear over the death of a few thousand Huguenots. The death of a prince will launch a Holy War. CATHERINE DE MEDICI: (After a thoughtful pause.) If one Huguenot life escapes me tomorrow, we may both regret this act of mercy. MARSHAL TAVANNES: Not mercy, madam. Policy. CATHERINE DE MEDICI: (Considers.) Very well, Marshall. Then you must get him out of Paris. After tomorrow, even I will not save him. MARSHAL TAVANNES: I will see to it, madam. CATHERINE DE MEDICI: And, Marshall - close the gates of the city now. (The Queen Mother leaves the room. SIMON enters.) SIMON: Well, my lord? MARSHAL TAVANNES: The order has been given. You may begin. SIMON: My men are ready. Where is the list? MARSHAL TAVANNES: There is no list. SIMON: But I thought... MARSHAL TAVANNES: We are to unleash the wolves of Paris. None are to be spared. SIMON: (Pleased.) Even better, my lord. MARSHAL TAVANNES: Is it? I wonder...Simon, when you have passed on the order I have a special charge for you. SIMON: My lord? MARSHAL TAVANNES: Henri of Navarre. SIMON: I am to have the honour? MARSHAL TAVANNES: Yes. But not of killing him. You will escort him out of Paris. SIMON: (Cries out.) But, my lord... MARSHAL TAVANNES: Did you not hear me? You will be responsible for his safety. You will have to leave tomorrow's work to others. Now get out. (SIMON leaves.) MARSHAL TAVANNES: At dawn tomorrow, this city will weep tears of blood. [SCENE_BREAK] 7: EXT. THE STREET OUTSIDE OF DE COLGINY'S RESIDENCE (Two soldiers are on guard.) FIRST GUARD: Oh well, it's nearly dawn. SECOND GUARD: How many more nights have we got to watch over this Huguenot's house? FIRST GUARD: Till the King decrees otherwise. SECOND GUARD: But why does it have to be us? (Out of sight of the GUARDS, the DOCTOR and STEVEN can see that their way is blocked.) DOCTOR: We shall have to get past them to get back to the TARDIS. STEVEN: Can we make a run for it? DOCTOR: Oh no, no, no. It's far too dangerous. STEVEN: What do we do? DOCTOR: For the moment we just wait. (The GUARDS continue their conversation.) FIRST GUARD: Won't be sorry to see the night over. SECOND GUARD: Hello, what's this? (Some more soldiers are marching towards them.) FIRST GUARD: More orders I expect. OFFICER: You're relieved. Go back to your quarters. FIRST GUARD: Relieved, sir? It's not due for an hour or more. OFFICER: Don't argue. Go quickly! (The two GUARDS depart. The others take their place.) STEVEN: Look, Doctor, soon it'll be light. DOCTOR: I know, I know. Just keep quiet. (The curfew bell begins to sound.) DOCTOR: There's the Tocsin! The curfew's been lifted. (He and STEVEN skirt round the soldiers and dash through the concealing gate and into the TARDIS. the soldiers begin battering at the door of DE COLIGNY'S house.) OFFICER: Open up! In the King's name! Open this door! (The TARDIS dematerialises. The sound can now be heard of the Paris mob rampaging through the streets slaughtering Huguenots. The massacre has begun...) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (Within the TARDIS, STEVEN broods on what has happened, then...) STEVEN: Surely there was something we could have done? DOCTOR: No, nothing. Nothing. In any case, I cannot change the course of history, you know that. The Massacre continued for several days in Paris, then...then spread itself to other parts of France. Oh the senseless waste. What a terrible page of the past. STEVEN: Did they all die? DOCTOR: Yes. Most of them. About ten thousand in Paris alone. STEVEN: The Admiral? DOCTOR: Yes. STEVEN: Nicholas? DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Probably. STEVEN: (Angry.) You had to leave Anne Chaplet, there to die! DOCTOR: Anne Chaplet? STEVEN: (Shouts.) The girl! The girl who was with me! If you'd brought her with us she needn't have died. But no, you had to leave her there to be slaughtered. DOCTOR: Well, it is possible of course she didn't die, then I was right to leave her. STEVEN: (Shouts.) Possible! Look, how possible! That girl was already hunted by the Catholic guards. If they killed ten thousand how did they spare her? No, you don't know, do you? You can't say for certain that you weren't responsible for that girl's death. DOCTOR: I was not responsible. STEVEN: Oh no! You just sent her back to her aunt's house where the guards were waiting to catch her. I tell you this much, Doctor, wherever this machine of yours lands next I'm getting off. If your... 'researches' have so little regard for human life then I want no part of it. (The ship travels on in uneasy silence for a few moments more, then starts to materialise. The DOCTOR checks the controls. On the scanner appears an image of woodland.) DOCTOR: We've landed. (He activates some more controls.) DOCTOR: Your mind is made up? (STEVEN opens the TARDIS doors and turns to leave.) STEVEN: Goodbye. DOCTOR: My dear Steven, history sometimes gives us a terrible shock. That is because we don't quite fully understand. Why should we? After all, we're all too small to realise its final pattern. Therefore, don't try and judge it from where you stand. I was right to do as I did. Yes, that I firmly believe. (STEVEN walks out of the TARDIS without a word. The DOCTOR is totally alone.) DOCTOR: Even after all this time he cannot understand. I dare not change the course of history. Well, at least I taught him to take some precautions. He did remember to look at the scanner before he opened the doors. Now... they're all gone. All gone. None of them...could understand. Not even...my little Susan...or Vicki ...and yes ... Barbara and Chatterton... Chesterton! They were all too impatient to get back to their own time. And now... Steven. Perhaps I should go home, back to my own planet. But I can't. (Upset.) I can't. [SCENE_BREAK] 9: EXT. WIMBLEDON COMMON (Outside, a young GIRL, looking very anxious, runs down the lane beside the TARDIS. She passes a woman bystander, sees the police box and bursts inside.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (Breathlessly, she stares around her. The DOCTOR spots her.) DOCTOR: Who are you? GIRL: Where's the telephone? DOCTOR: What did you say? GIRL: The telephone, I've got to ring up! DOCTOR: Oh, pull yourself together, child. I... I think you've made a mistake. GIRL: Who are you? Are you the police? DOCTOR: Oh good gracious of course not, hmm. GIRL: Well, this is a police box. It says so outside. DOCTOR: Yes, yes. I, I know. But it isn't, if you know what I mean. Now run along and find another police box. In any case, child, what do you want to do with the police? GIRL: There's been an accident. A little boy's been hurt and I've got to 'phone the police. DOCTOR: Oh well, I'm afraid I can't help you. No, you must run along and 'phone the police somewhere else. And the same time 'phone for an ambulance. GIRL: Wait a minute, if this isn't a police box, what is it? And who are you? DOCTOR: Well, my dear, er, I'm a doctor of science, and this machine is for travelling through time and relative dimensions in space. Now you... GIRL: Come again? DOCTOR: Oh never mind, my dear. Never mind, run along. (He laughs.) GIRL: There's something odd going on. DOCTOR: (Exasperated.) Oh please, child... (The DOCTOR is interrupted by STEVEN charging back into the TARDIS.) STEVEN: Doctor, quick! You've got to take off. DOCTOR: Oh, so you've come back, my boy! STEVEN: Yes, yes, I've come back. We can't go into that now. There are two policemen coming over the common towards the TARDIS. DOCTOR: Policemen? Coming here? Good gracious me! They'll want to use the telephone or, or something like it. (The DOCTOR closes the TARDIS doors and dematerialises the ship.) STEVEN: Oh, that was close. DOCTOR: Well, tell me, young man, what made you change your mind? (STEVEN ignores the DOCTOR as he suddenly notices the GIRL.) STEVEN: How did you get in here? GIRL: On me feet, the same as you did. STEVEN: Look, do you realise what's happening? We've taken off! We could land anywhere! GIRL: Are we really travelling? Where to? STEVEN: We're travelling in time and space. We're not on Earth any more. We could land anywhere in any age. GIRL: (Laughing.) Tell us another one! STEVEN: Doctor, how could you? DOCTOR: What else could I do, dear boy? You don't want a couple of policemen aboard the TARDIS do you? You know you're the most inconsistent young man? Just now you were telling me off for not having that Chaplet girl aboard! STEVEN: Ah, that was different! (STEVEN returns his attention to the GIRL.) STEVEN: This is no joyride you know. You may never get home again! GIRL: I don't care! STEVEN: What about your parents? GIRL: I haven't got any. I live with my great aunt. And she won't care if she never sees me again. DOCTOR: Oh, now, there you see! All this fuss about nothing! Hmm, hmm, hmm! Don't you think she looks rather like my grandchild Susan? STEVEN: You forget, I've never met your granddaughter. DOCTOR: Oh, no, no, no. No, of course not! No. Yes, but she does you know. What is your name, child? DODO: Dodo. DOCTOR: What? DODO: It's Dorothea really. Dorothea Chaplet. STEVEN: (Shocked.) Chaplet?! Yes, but you're not French are you? DODO: Don't be daft! Me granddad was though. STEVEN: Doctor, it's not possible is it? Chaplet? Anne's great great... DOCTOR: Yes, yes, it is possible, my boy. Very possible. Welcome aboard the TARDIS, Miss Dorothea Chaplet. DODO: Dodo! DOCTOR: Ah, my dear! My dear! (The DOCTOR laughs.)

Missing episode The TARDIS materialises in Paris in the year 1572 and the Doctor decides to visit the famous apothecary Charles Preslin. Steven, meanwhile, is befriended by a group of Huguenots from the household of the Protestant Admiral de Coligny. Having rescued a young serving girl, Anne Chaplet, from some pursuing guards, the Huguenots gain their first inkling of a heinous plan being hatched at the command of the Catholic Queen Mother,Catherine de Medici.

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Kevin: To me, the Sixers are a five seed tops. Jim: I think they're going to the conference finals. Kevin: No. Jim: Bynum, obvious monster and the three point shooting, don't even-... [Jim bites his lip] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I bit my lip at lunch today. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Sucks. Anyway, I just don't see it. The Knicks are tough.The Nets are tough. Kevin: Oh, the Nets are super tough. [Jim in pain from his lip] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Now I have this big bump in my lip that hurts. I hate it. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: The Hawks are terrible. They're always terrible. Jim: Okay, you need to think about it before you come with the... [Jim bites his lip again and pounds on table] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Whatever. It's not a big deal. You know I always tell my three year old, if this is the worst thing that's gonna happen...[Jim bites his lip again] You gotta be kidding me! Ok! Pam! That's it, I'm going home! [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: Good morning, Meredith. Pam: What? Erin: Oh, sorry, Pam. Yikes. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Jim's been spending a few days a week in Philly and I'm not gonna lie, it's been challenging. Yesterday, things took a turn for the worse. I found out Cece has lice. So I was up all night disinfecting every sheet, towel, toy, item of clothing in the entire house. I'm exhausted. But don't tell Jim. He has a huge meeting today, under a lot of pressure and he's doing it all for the family. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I am meeting Dr. J today, otherwise known as Julius Irving, famed 76er and my own personal hero. But i have to be careful not to rub it in Pam's face because let's be honest, how would I feel if I was at home stuck with the kids while she was go carting with John Stamos. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [talking on phone] You sound tired. Everything ok? Pam: Great. Everything's great. Hey are you nervous about your big meeting? Jim: Uhh, a little bit. It's a lot of pressure, you know, but that's what I signed up for right? Worker: Jim, limo's here. Jim: Uh, you know what, I gotta hop off because my, uh, taxi is here to take me to the meeting. Pam: Oh, call me later! Jim: Ok Pam: Good luck! Jim: Thanks! Pam: Love you. Jim: Love you too. Bye. [SCENE_BREAK] Val: How you doing? Darryl: Alright. I mean, it's what you want, so... Val: It's how it has to be. Darryl: I know, I know. It's just hard. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Me and Val were going nowhere and if I'm gonna be working in Philly, I'm gonna need my freedom. So, I convinced Val to breakup with me. Here's how you do it. You say, "What are you gonna do, breakup with me?" Like it's a joke, and then you gain a lot of weight. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: I'll never be sorry, not for a moment of it. Val: Me neither. Come here. [she hugs Darryl, and Darryl smiles behind her back] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey Meredith, I need your supplier requests today. Meredith: Jeez H. in the morning. Will you stop your nagging already? No wonder Jim left you. Pam: He didn't leave me. He just went part time. [Meredith scratches her head vigorously] Can you just fill out the form please? Meredith: Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I'm sure she's just confused. People scratch their heads when they're confused. Not always like an ape, the way Meredith just did, but it happens. [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: Hurry up already. Erin: [checking Meredith's head] Trust me, I know what I'm doing. Between the foster homes and the orphanage, I had lice 22 times. Erin: Holy wow, that's a big one. Alright, pencils down everyone, we got lice! Angela: Oh God, Meredith, lice? Did you not sign a pledge to shower? Dwight: What? Lice? Oh my god. Lock the doors, we are on full quarantine. Pam: Dwight, relax. It's just lice. Maybe, possibly. Dwight: Just lice Pam? [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Of all of the vermin in God's great green kingdom, lice are the ones I detest the most. My first day of school, I had lice, and no one would play with me. For 15 years, they called me freak and four eyes and sci-fi nerd and girl puncher. All because I had lice when I was 7. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Make way, nope, inspect me. Erin: Oh, this is the cleanest scalp I've ever seen. You are all clear. Dwight: Should be. I use lice shampoo every morning. [Dwight starts spraying everyone with disinfectant] Pam: Stop that! Angela: Dwight! Erin: Next! Angela: [getting her head checked] Geez Meredith, you know, this is an office not one of your bean bag orgies. Pam: Alright, let's give her a break. We don't know for sure this is Meredith's fault. Oscar: Pam, really? Come on. Meredith: Hey, what do you want? I know who I am. Nobody's taken Meredith Palmer to the opera to meet the queen. Erin: Lice. More lice. [Angela shrieks in disgust] Angela has lice. Angela: Ew! Oh. Erin: [checking Stanley's head] Ooh yabber, lice! Erin: [checking Pam's head] Yikers, lice. Pam: No! How? I'm so clean! Erin: [checking Oscar's head] Oh yeah, big time lice. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: I wash my hands at least six times a day. Toilet seat covers? Yes, thank you, even when I pee. Apparently, none of that is protection enough. Not when it comes to Meredith. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: What are you wearing? Dwight: It's a Hazmat suit. That stands for hazaderous materials men's suit wearing. If you rent more than four times a year, it just makes sense to buy. Is there anyone else here that is lice free? [Phyllis, Kevin, Darryl. and Nellie raise their hands] Excellent. Do you have your own hazmat suits? Nellie: No. Kevin: No. Dwight: Renters. Ok, I'm gonna need you to gather your belongings, retreat to the warehouse, conduct your business there until the infected have been deloused. Let's get going. I'm gonna stay here and fight. If you don't hear from me by lunch, call me. I might want lunch. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Alright, we're going down to my warehouse, that means we're playing by my rules. No messing with the baler and be cool in front of me and Val. We just broke up. Phyllis: You got dumped? Darryl: Yeah, she ended things. Nellie: Breakups are the worst. The only thing that got me through mine are large amounts of shepard's pie and Brandy. The singer, not the drink. Kevin: Here man. [Kevin hands Daryll some chocolate] You need that more than me. Darryl: Thanks, man. Kevin: Yeah [kisses Darryl on the cheek] [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Guys, I think we should all ease up on Meredith. This has got to be hard for her. Angela: Oh, no no no no no. I have not yet begun to shame. Stanley: That's it. I'm getting my stuff. I'm leaving for the day. Erin: No! Stanley! If you leave now then you'll get it in your car and then you'll get it in your house! [Erin jumps on Stanley's back] Stanley: Get off me! Erin: I'm trying to save you from yourself! Stanley: Alright, I'll stay! There's a pencil broken in my rolls. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Maybe it was Meredith. Maybe she brought in lice that are totally different than the lice that i got from Cece. So let's not jump to the simplest conclusion that she got her lice from me. That is how wars get started. Fine, I'll tell her it was me. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Oh man, that's fresh squeezed. And, uh are all the snacks complimentary? Limo Driver: Yeah, take some home if you want. Jim: Oh no, no, no. That's ok. [Jim shoves some snacks in his pocket as he gets out of limo] Um I'm sorry, is this the conference center? Limo Driver: No, Mr. Irving called. Said he'd rather meet you at his private court. Jim: You gotta be kidding me. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Hey, Meredith I need to tell you something. Meredith: [shaving her own head] Yes, Pam what do you want? Pam: Oh my God, Meredith what are you doing!? Meredith: Baking a cake, what does it look like I'm doing? Getting rid of the lice. Pam: Oh stop! I am so sorry! Meredith: Oh, can you hold that thought? That's my wax. You know, I think these critters migrated from down south. What were you saying? Pam: Nothing. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: I am going to tell her, but now is clearly not the time. I will buy her a wig, we'll have a few laughs. There's a right way to do this. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Scalp leeches, skull vampires, follicle gypsies, hair lawyers. One thing is clear, it's kill or be killed! Erin: No, no. It's more of a nuisance really. It's not that big a deal. So, I collected your hats and your coats... Dwight: To be burned! Erin: To be washed. Angela: What do we do about our heads? Dwight: I'm not gonna lie. Lye! Erin: No, all we need is mayonnaise. Angela: Excuse me? Pam: She's right, it works. I would imagine. Erin: Yes, it helps to suffrocate the little buddies and it's a really healthy alternative to the chemicals found in most lice shampoos. Oscar: I can appreciate that. I also only eat local, organic produce. Meredith: [walks in conference room] Shaboom! How do you like me now!? Angela: Oh. Oscar: Wow. Meredith: Take a picture. It will last longer. Angela: We don't want it to last longer. It's horrible. Creed: Bald people make me sick. Meredith: Yeah, yeah, everybody pile on Meredith. But I'm the only one with the balls to show them lice who's boss. Erin: Ok, nobody panic. If everybody just follows my instructions, then nobody else needs to end up bald. Not that it looks bad, Meredith. It looks...It looks awesome. You look like a baby who suddenly aged 50 years. A cute baby, but something sucked the life force out of it. I'm so sorry. We need mayonnaise! We need it now. Pam: Oh! Uh, uh I'll go. Angela: Okay. Oh, thank you. Oscar: You're a saint, Pam. Pam: No, no, it's not a big deal, please. No. Um, Meredith can I get you something special while I'm at the store, candy, or...or one of those stylish turbans? Meredith: Thanks Pam! I'll take a pack of Nicorette gum and a pack of Kools. Pam: Okay. Dwight: Let's talk pubes, people. [SCENE_BREAK] Val: Hey, Darryl. Darryl: Oh, hey Val. Nellie: Oh, that was tragic, Oh, that was like a car crash. I couldn't look away. You two clearly still have feelings for each other. Darryl: Yeah. Phyllis: What's gonna make you feel better, big guy? Darryl: When I was a kid, my grandmother used to make me chocolate cake when I wasn't feeling good. She's not around to do that anymore. I'm sorry, I just need a moment to myself just to clear my head. Nellie: Aw, poor Darryl. I can't bear to see him suffer like this. Kevin: I think he needs some hugs, and maybe some chocolate cake. Phyllis: Mmm, this won't help him, it's a muffin, not cake. Nellie: Listen, let's try and get Darryl the one thing in the world he clearly wants and needs the most. Kevin: An Escalade. Nellie: Or what's her name. Phyllis: Val. Nellie: Let's get Darryl Val. [SCENE_BREAK] Julius Irving: I hope you don't mind me bringing you out here. I can't get my knees under a desk. Jim: Are you kidding me? I can literally scalp tickets to this. Julius: Well, do you think you can sink one from deep? Jim: Listen, I don't mean to intimidate you, but I did play a little high school ball. Julius: Okay. [Jim shoots the basket and it goes in] Wow, Halpert's got game. Jim: Alright. [Jim's phone rings] Oh, sorry. I'm so sorry. It's my wife, can I take this? Julius: It's your wife? You better take it. Jim: Right! [Jim laughs as he answers the phone] Hey, what's up? Everything ok? Pam: Oh, no everything's great! Um, I was just calling to see how the meeting went. Jim: It's still happening right now actually, so uh... Pam: He's really making you work for it, huh? Jim: Yes, it is very stressful. You sure everything's okay? Pam: Great. I am killing it over here. [drops mayonnaise on the ground] Jim, I gotta go. Jim: Okay, bye. [Jim turns back to Julius] So sorry about that. Julius: No problem. Hey Jim, what size do you wear, man? I got a pair of japanese Nikes with your name on them. What do you think? Jim: I love it. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: [handing out mayonnaise jars] Once it's all over your head, just leavr it there for four hours. That will be enough time for the lice to fall asleep, suffrocate, and then pass away. Dwight: Oh sure, and when you're ready to get serious, come to me to get it done right. [Dwight holds up a pair of scissors] Stanley: Put those away before you hurt yourself. Dwight: [swings the scissors around and puts them into his pocket, putting a hole in his Hazmat suit] Oh God, oh no. No. No. No! No! No! No! No! Erin: Okay, it's easier with a buddy, so everybody pair up. Angela: Oscar, do you want to be my partner? Oscar: Yeah, yeah, sure. I'd love to.. Creed: Hey, uh, mayo buddy, five dollar tip, you unclog my ears. Okay? Erin: Oh, Creed, I'm so sorry. I'm...I'm already partners with Pete, right Pete? Pete: Uh, yeah. We promised each other if we ever got lice, we'd buddy up. Sorry, man. Pam: Hey, Creed, wanna be my buddy? Creed: Oh God. Stuck with the weirdo. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: [Angela is slapping mayo on Oscar's head] Angela. Angela: You don't want bugs. You know? Who knows where those bugs will end up? [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: [putting mayo on Stanley's head] You're getting a bargain. I ain't got no hair no more. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [putting mayo on Creed's head] Creed, I'm all done. My turn. Creed: I'm sorry, Pam. It looks a little messy. Pam: Well, wait. [SCENE_BREAK] Pete: [putting mayo on Erin's head] How's that? Erin: I feel it working. [Erin and Pete playing around with the mayo] Eiffel tower! [SCENE_BREAK] Val: Can I help you? Phyllis: Well, we don't want to pry but we heard you broke up with Darryl. Val: Yeah, that's true. Phyllis: We think you made a big, big mistake. Kevin: Big mistake. Nellie: Quite enormous. Phyllis: He's a real catch and you should take him back. Val: Ok, thank you. Is that all? Nellie: No. No, that is not all. Let me tell you what real life is like. The men dry up, and the nights get lonely. The only calls on your machine are for collection agencies about that pair of motorcycle boots you never even wore. You stalk your old high school boyfriend online, go to his daughter's soccer games, and make a scene. You buy a diamond ring for yourself, wear it on your right hand, and tell yourself, you're all you need. One day, you're alone, tired. At your feet, a dying bird. But where did it come from? Why did you kill it? Is it because in some strange way it is you? Val: Thank you all for your concern, but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, okay? Kevin: So does this mean you're gonna take Darryl back? Val: No. Kevin: Well, then, what do you say to you and me hitting the town? 'Cause I'm free, literally forever. [SCENE_BREAK] Val: Yeah, Kevin asked me out. I was kinda feeling good about reentering the dating pool, but then Kevin asked me out. Thought I might trade up to a new level of man. Then Kevin asked me out. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [phone rings] Hello? Helene: [on speaker phone] Hi, honey, it's mom. Look, Cece's school just called. She still has lice. Pam: What, no. That can't...I don't... Helene: Now, don't worry, don't worry. I'm on my way to pick her up, but you might have lice too. You know, lice can be tricky. Sometimes lice, like...[Pam hangs up phone] Angela: Oh my God. Meredith: Shave her head. Shave her head! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [everyone yelling at Pam]You guys, I am so sorry! It's just been so chaotic with Jim gone, that... Meredith: Yeah yeah, Princess Fancypants let Jane 12-pack over here take the fall. Dwight: [talking through the loud speaker] She's right Pam. Pam: Is there a volume knob on that thing? Dwight: Yeah there's a volume knob on that thing. Pam: Meredith, I am so sorry. Angela: Well, a lot of good your sorrys are doing her now, Pam. She's a monster. Pam: I meant to say something earlier. I just... Meredith: Just? Just what? Just forgot? [SCENE_BREAK] Meredith: Who's the one who didn't bring lice into the office? Meredith. Sure I gave everybody pink eye once, and my ex keyed a few of their cars, and yeah I BMed in the shredder on New Years. But I didn't bring the lice in. That was all Pam. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Attention, people of the office. You have exactly 60 secondes to evacutate the bull pen. At that time, I will be tossing this powerful insecticidal grenade, which contains piperonyl butoxide, as well as...[Dwight drops the grenade and it goes off inside Andy's office] Erin: Dwight, are you okay!? Dwight: Whoa. Hypertoxide has a mild hallucigenic effect, but I don't think it's kicked in yet. I'm gonna count down from ten. Nine, yellow, cold, sad, purple. [Dwight collapses] Erin: Wow. He got to purple. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: [Angela rinsing Oscar's hair, and she bumps his head] Ow! Angela: Sorry. Oscar: You're waterboarding me! Angela: Oops. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [shoving large amounts of bubble wrap into the baler, as a warehouse worker passes] No, this is fine. We are allowed to do this. This is okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: You're up. Pete: Yeah, I'm kinda sad to see this baby go. Erin: You do kinda look like Elvis, but we should probably wash all the dead lice out. Pete: Okay. Erin: Okay. Okay. [rinsing Pete's hair out] Is that too cold? Pete: No, it actually feels kinda nice. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: I wonder what happened over there. I've been sitting here the whole time. [as the baler crushes the bubble wrap, making loud noises] [SCENE_BREAK] Val: Okay. Darryl: Huh? Val: Let's give it a shot. Let's make it work. Darryl: Oh, no. I mean, I want to, I just...I don't want to force you into something you don't want to do. Val: You're not. I believe in us. Darryl: But... [Val kisses Darryl] [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: I'm back together with Val. Yay... [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I had a pretty good day today. Not everything went exactly according to plan, but lice if you are watching, I am ready for you anytime, anywhere. [Dwight gets into his car and another insecticidal grenade goes off] [SCENE_BREAK] Pete: Hey, did Erin already take off? Oscar: I guess so. Pete: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Julius: You're Kareem, coming to help. Jim: Okay, I'm Kareem. That makes total sense. I'm Kareem. You're Dr. J. Just sounds weird to say out loud. Julius: And it went like this. [Jim's phone starts ringing] Jim: And that's all? Julius: That's it. Jim: No one will believe this back home, but that's okay. Let me show you how it's done. Julius: Yeah, you show me how. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [Jim's phone goes to voicemail] This is Jim Halpert, leave a message. Pam: Hey honey, it's me. Just trying to catch you before going home. Um, oh, well just give me a call whenever. Hope your day got better. Love you. Meredith: Hey, what you doing right now? Pam: I'm just gonna go home. My mom's been watching the kids all day. Meredith: Let her stay another hour. Let's go get a beer. Pam: Really? A beer sounds incredible right now. Meredith: No duh. Let's go. You're buying. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Meredith, I am so sorry about today. Meredith: Forget about it. Pam: I just did not realize how hard it was gonna be without Jim. I mean, I really respect you for being a single mom all these years. It whipped my ass in half a week. I have to say, there are not a lot of people who could pull off a shaved head, but you are rocking it. Meredith: Right. I got the bartender's phone number when you were in the john. I'm gonna take that freak to bone town before the night is over. Pam: Get it, girl! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [Pam and Meredith singing karaoke] This one's for all you ladies out there. Meredith: [starts singing] I come... Pam: Not yet. Both: [singing] I come home in the middle of the night. My mother says when you gonna live your life right? Oh Mother dear, we're not the fortunate ones. And girls, they want to have fun. Oh girls just want to have fun.

Pam accidentally brings lice into the office but lets Meredith Palmer ( Kate Flannery ) take the fall while Dwight vows to destroy the parasites; Jim spends a great day in Philadelphia with a potential business associate ( Julius Erving ); Nellie, Phyllis, and Kevin interfere with Darryl's love life.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_21x11

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_21x11_0

RESURRECTION OF THE DALEKS BY: ERIC SAWARD Part One Running time: 46:24 [SCENE_BREAK] STIEN: Which way? GALLOWAY: Does it matter? MAN: Where are we? MAN: Run! STIEN: Where've they gone? GALLOWAY: Where'd you think. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] LYTTON: That was a shambles. TROOPER: The escape was prevented? LYTTON: They got out of the warehouse. It should never have happened. And who ordered the use of machine pistols? TROOPER: Standing orders. Nothing anachronistic is to be taken to Earth. LYTTON: So instead we slaughter valuable specimens. Next time, stun lasers are to be used. TROOPER: It was an unfortunate mistake. LYTTON: Make it your last, otherwise the next execution squad will be coming for you. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Are you all right? DOCTOR: I can't free the TARDIS from the Time Corridor! TEGAN: Is there anything you can do? DOCTOR: No, too much turbulence. Hold on. Things must stabilise soon. [SCENE_BREAK] STIEN: What if they're still in there, waiting? GALLOWAY: We must warn our own people. [SCENE_BREAK] STIEN: Use the Time Corridor? GALLOWAY: You said you were a soldier. Have you no sense of loyalty? STIEN: I'm a Quartermaster Sergeant. I'm not combat trained. I can't afford your sort of principles. Look at me, I'm not exactly in condition. I can't even run properly. GALLOWAY: You're pathetic. STIEN: That too. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Doctor, we're weaving in time. DOCTOR: Yes, yes, I know. TEGAN: Can't we materialise? TURLOUGH: No, not until we're free of the Time Corridor. We risk break-up. TEGAN: Is that true? DOCTOR: Not if I have anything to do with it. TEGAN: Oh, no. [SCENE_BREAK] GALLOWAY: They've gone. STIEN: They could have closed the Time Corridor down. Let's get out of here. I'm scared. GALLOWAY: The entrance to the corridor is round here somewhere. STIEN: There's nothing there now. What was that? GALLOWAY: A rodent. STIEN: Wearing combat boots? GALLOWAY: Back to the stairs, quick. [SCENE_BREAK] STIEN: Can you see anything? GALLOWAY (OOV.): Get out of here! STIEN: Galloway? STIEN: Galloway! STIEN: Oh, Galloway. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: What are we waiting for? DOCTOR: The right moment. The time stress on the TARDIS varies greatly. I'm waiting for the right moment to break out of the Time Corridor. TEGAN: Can I get to my room? I feel sick. DOCTOR: Too late, Tegan. Hold on. DOCTOR: Hold on! [SCENE_BREAK] TROOPER: Check list completed. All systems functioning. LYTTON: Raise the force shield. All troopers to battle stations. Battle speed! [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Doctor, I can't stand much more. DOCTOR: Hold on. DOCTOR: We're free. TURLOUGH: Is it over? DOCTOR: For the moment. Are you all right? TEGAN: Yes, I think so. [SCENE_BREAK] MERCER: I don't believe this. How long has the station been in this state? STYLES: Since regular inspections ceased. MERCER: This place is falling to pieces. STYLES: Huh. And you're seeing it on a good day. If you wanted to see everything spick and span, you shouldn't have asked for a transfer to a prison. Come on! [SCENE_BREAK] MERCER: How'd you cope with that mess? STYLES: By ignoring it. My only concern is the medical welfare of the crew and the prisoner. MERCER: Isn't that rather a narrow view of your responsibilities? STYLES: Oh, do shut up, will you? It's the only way to stay sane. You've only been here three days. You know nothing. MERCER: I've been here long enough to learn that the morale on this station is appalling. STYLES: If the Captain doesn't care, why should I? MERCER: Why, indeed? STYLES: Look, my tour of duty finishes here in eight weeks. I'm dependent on a good report from the Captain for my next promotion. MERCER: I see. STYLES: Oh no, I don't think you do. If I don't get a good report, I could be here for another two years. MERCER: If Control were aware of the morale on this station, the Captain wouldn't be in command. STYLES: It's been tried before, usually by inexperienced new boys like you. And the way you're carrying on, you are going to end up exactly like the others. MERCER: Meaning? STYLES: Dead. You are the third security officer we've had here in two years. [/i] [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Doctor, we're travelling parallel to the Time Corridor. TEGAN: Where are we going? TURLOUGH: Twentieth century Earth, it seems. [SCENE_BREAK] OSBORN: How long is your tour of duty? MERCER: Two years. OSBORN: Oh? The Captain normally allows new arrivals to settle in before subjecting them to the tedium of Officer of the Watch. What did you do? MERCER: I complained. OSBORN: Someone should have warned you. MERCER: I had every right. Have you seen the state of the defence system? OSBORN: You fear an attack? MERCER: That's not the point. OSBORN: Oh, I wouldn't worry about it. The only ship we ever see around here is our own supply vessel. CREWMAN: I think you may have spoken too soon. Sensors have picked up a ship in warp drive just enter the exclusion zone. MERCER: Inform the Captain. OSBORN: I wouldn't bother him. Not yet. It could be anything. Let the fighters check it out first. MERCER: What? OSBORN: They'll be grateful for the practice. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Have you calculated where we are? DOCTOR: Well, the instruments are still affected by turbulence, but I think it's 1984, London. Found it! TURLOUGH: Doctor, where are you going? DOCTOR: The Time Corridor. I want to find out what all this is about. [SCENE_BREAK] OSBORN: Fighter leader has made visual contact. It's a battle cruiser! MERCER: Go to Red Alert. Inform the Captain. CREWMAN: Sensors report we're being scanned, sir. MERCER: Red Alert at once! [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Such neglect. A hundred years ago this place would have been bustling with activity. TEGAN: It might be again when we find out who's operating the Time Corridor. DOCTOR: Come on. Trouble with you, Tegan, you have no imagination. TEGAN: That's because I can't get worked up about a load of crumbling brickwork. [SCENE_BREAK] MERCER: Operate the deflector shield. CREWMAN: Power building. MERCER: Seal airlocks. OSBORN: The battle cruiser has attacked the fighters. MERCER: Can we give them any supporting fire? OSBORN: No, not at the moment. CREWMAN: All but airlock three is sealed. MERCER: Alert maintenance. CREWMAN: We've been hit! MERCER: What's happening? OSBORN: Engineering report. MERCER: What's happening? OSBORN: Engineering report damage to the generating plant. CREWMAN: Cruiser's closing in, sir. OSBORN: I've lost contact with the fighters. MERCER: Open fire. I said, open fire! CREWMAN: I can't! We don't have enough power for the laser cannon. We are defenceless. CREWMAN: Look, we should surrender! MERCER: No! OSBORN: But we can't fight. We don't even have a deflector shield. STYLES: Mercer! How much longer is this slaughter to continue? MERCER: Where's the Captain? STYLES: Dead, along with half the crew. OSBORN: Battle cruiser preparing to dock. MERCER: Which airlock? OSBORN: Three. Maintenance team's still working on it. MERCER: I want every available man down there. Block the corridor with anything they can find. STYLES: More killing? MERCER: Your bile would be better directed against the enemy, Doctor. STYLES: How long before they dock? MERCER: Three minutes. We'd better go down to the airlock. STYLES: Right. MERCER: Should we be boarded, destroy the prisoner. OSBORN: Good luck. [SCENE_BREAK] STIEN: Don't come in here. Soldiers. DOCTOR: What? DOCTOR: He'll be all right. TEGAN: Look at the way he's dressed. DOCTOR: He must have come down the Time Corridor. STIEN: You've got to help me. DOCTOR: What happened? [SCENE_BREAK] MERCER: Check how much longer the maintenance crew will be. STYLES: Right. MERCER: The cruiser's docked. STYLES: The cruiser's docked. MERCER: Get the shield down! STYLES: Come on, pull! STYLES: Pull! [SCENE_BREAK] STIEN: I must rest. I'm hungry. I haven't eaten since yesterday. DOCTOR: Who's controlling the Time Corridor? STIEN: I don't know. Have you got anything to eat? TEGAN: Where are you from? STIEN: Earth, but not all the prisoners are from the same period. Are you sure you haven't got anything to eat? DOCTOR: Relax. I'm going into the warehouse. STIEN: No! I told you, there are soldiers. DOCTOR: Perhaps they can tell us what's going on, hmm? [SCENE_BREAK] STIEN: The Time Corridor's on the next level. Be careful. [SCENE_BREAK] MERCER: Wait until I give the order. CREWMAN 2: Okay. MERCER: Fire! STYLES: Now. Now! DALEK: Under attack. Withdraw. Regroup. DALEK 2: Under attack. DALEK: Withdraw. DALEK 2: Withdraw. DALEKS: Withdraw. Withdraw. Withdraw. [SCENE_BREAK] DALEKS (OOV.): Regroup. LYTTON: Fools! I told you this would happen. They mined the corridor. BLACK: We do not want excuses. The attack must continue. LYTTON: Only this time, as I planned. DALEK: You will show more respect for the Supreme Dalek. LYTTON: Your battle tactics won't work. Their position is too strong. BLACK: You may proceed. We shall try your plan. But should you fail, you will be exterminated. [SCENE_BREAK] TURLOUGH: Dark, isn't it. DOCTOR: Look around. STIEN: I can't see Galloway's body. TEGAN: Look, Doctor. Bullets. DOCTOR: Recently fired. TEGAN: Hardly alien. DOCTOR: Why advertise who you are, hmm? TEGAN: Where's Turlough? DOCTOR: Turlough? TEGAN: Where's he gone? DOCTOR: Turlough! [SCENE_BREAK] ARCHER: Did you hear that? CALDER: No, sir. ARCHER: I thought I heard voices. [SCENE_BREAK] STYLES: How long before they try again? MERCER: Soon. STYLES: Can't we board, take the fight to them? MERCER: I think not. MERCER: Fire! MERCER: Masks down! Masks down! [SCENE_BREAK] MERCER: Move it! We're finished. It's every man for himself. CREWMAN: Oh, no, every man for himself? MERCER: Destroy the prisoner. OSBORN: It's not working! Come with me. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Turlough! ARCHER: May I help you, gentlemen? This is private property. DOCTOR: Er, yes, I'm sorry about this. A friend of mine wandered in here by mistake, and we're looking for him. ARCHER: I don't see him. LAIRD: What's going on? ARCHER: Precisely what I'm trying to find out. [SCENE_BREAK] OSBORN: Come on, come on! [SCENE_BREAK] TROOPER: The bridge has been secured, sir. LYTTON: Good. We must join them. DALEK: The Doctor has been detained in the warehouse. BLACK: Despatch a Dalek. He must be brought to our ship at once. DALEK: I obey. [SCENE_BREAK] OSBORN: Oh, does nothing work properly? OSBORN: Try here. What's that smell? MERCER: Well, it can't be the prisoner. [SCENE_BREAK] ARCHER: Time Corridors. Alien beings. Really. STIEN: You may not believe us but all we need is a minute or two more. The entrance to the Time Corridor is on this level, somewhere. DOCTOR: Interesting. You don't disbelieve us, do you? ARCHER: Of course I disbelieve you. I've never heard such nonsense. DOCTOR: What have you discovered? ARCHER: Nothing. Take them away. LAIRD: Tell them, Colonel. They've guessed most of it already. ARCHER: Are you from the Press? DOCTOR: What have you found? ARCHER: Quiet. DOCTOR: Tell me! Alien objects? ARCHER: You'd better inform HQ about what's happened. CALDER: Okay, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] OSBORN: Right, explosive charges primed. What is that smell? OSBORN: Keep back! MERCER: Help me! OSBORN: Stay away! MERCER: What's happening to me? TROOPER: Disarmed. LYTTON: Release Davros. [SCENE_BREAK] CALDER: It's heavy static. Can't get through to HQ. DOCTOR: A side effect of the Time Corridor. ARCHER: Be quiet. ARCHER: Who's that? DOCTOR: Don't harm her, please. She's a friend. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: Sorry, Doctor. Look! ARCHER: What is it? DOCTOR: A Dalek. Take cover! DALEK: Exterminate. Exterminate. Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! [SCENE_BREAK] LAIRD: Where did they come from? STIEN: The Time Corridor. LAIRD: From the ship you were on? STIEN: Must be. LAIRD: What do they want? TEGAN: I hope we never find out. DOCTOR: Aim for the eyepiece, the stalk at the top of the dome. DALEK: My vision is impaired. I cannot see. My vision is impaired. I cannot see. DOCTOR: Quickly! DALEK: I cannot see. My vision is impaired. I cannot see. Warning. Warning. DOCTOR: Open the door! DALEK: I cannot see! I cannot see! Warning! Emergency! DOCTOR: Stand clear! LAIRD: She's all right. We should get her downstairs. DOCTOR: While you're doing that, I'd like a hand with the debris outside. [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK: The Dalek sent to the warehouse has been destroyed. BLACK: How is that possible? DALEK: The Doctor was aided by the Earth soldiers. BLACK: Seal the warehouse terminal of the Time Corridor. We will deal with the Doctor in due course. [SCENE_BREAK] STYLES: Where precisely are we going? MERCER: Keep your mask down. There could still be gas around. STYLES: So what. I'd rather die quickly than painfully of dehydration. Exactly how much longer are we going to wander around this place? MERCER: Look, as far as we know, there are only four of us still alive. We can't fight the Daleks alone. STYLES: Only minutes ago you were prepared to fight till the bitter end. MERCER: And look where it got me. A dead crew. STYLES: Then don't let it be for nothing. MERCER: What can we do? STYLES: Have you forgotten? This station has a self-destruct system. [SCENE_BREAK] TROOPER: He's very still. Is he dead? LYTTON: I think not. [SCENE_BREAK] CALDER: Soon be ready. LAIRD: We could all do with something a bit stronger. How's your friend upstairs? CALDER: He's dead. DOCTOR: How is she? LAIRD: She's sleeping naturally. CALDER: Tea, sir? ARCHER: Thank you. DOCTOR: Who discovered these cylinders? CALDER: Builders. They're converting the warehouse into flats. Thought they were unexploded bombs. DOCTOR: Have you tried to open one? LAIRD: They haven't even scratched the casing. ARCHER: Do you think the Daleks have anything to do with this? DOCTOR: It would be an enormous coincidence if they didn't. [SCENE_BREAK] DAVROS: Who are you? LYTTON: Commander Lytton. DAVROS: Commander? My Daleks do not need troops. LYTTON: You'd still be in prison or dead if it weren't for my men. DAVROS: You speak as though my Daleks are no longer capable of war. LYTTON: A lot has happened during your imprisonment. DAVROS: The war with the Movellans is over? LYTTON: Yes, although casualties were very high. DAVROS: It is to be expected. LYTTON: I'm talking about Dalek casualties. DAVROS: Dalek casualties? LYTTON: They lost, Davros. They were totally defeated. [SCENE_BREAK] CALDER: Zero three to HQ. Zero three to HQ. Over. ARCHER: Keep trying. DOCTOR: You must get reinforcements. CALDER: Zero three to HQ. ARCHER: I can't conjure them out of the air. I have to find a telephone. LAIRD: I'll go. You're needed here. ARCHER: This is more than a military matter now. I have to speak to the Ministry of Defence. We'll need a massive troop involvement. CALDER: Zero three to HQ. Zero three to HQ. Over. DOCTOR: I'll come with you. ARCHER: You're the only one who knows anything about fighting Daleks. Your duty's here. [SCENE_BREAK] BLACK: He is a companion of the Doctor. DALEK: He should be destroyed. BLACK: He would be better used as bait. The Doctor is sentimental and emotional. He will come after the boy. This will aid the Dalek plan. Allow the boy to roam freely. [SCENE_BREAK] MERCER: We'll rest for a moment. STYLES: Don't you get funny ideas? I'd give anything for a glass of cool spring mountain water. MERCER: Quiet. Down! MERCER: Fire! STYLES: Careful. MERCER: Uniforms. STYLES: Uniforms. [SCENE_BREAK] LAIRD: Here, take these. It'll help your head. DOCTOR: I won't be long. I must get back to my ship. CALDER: Sir. DOCTOR: I must find Turlough. CALDER: Yes, I understand how you feel, sir, but I must ask you to wait till the Colonel gets back. DOCTOR: No, no, no, no. There is isn't time. Turlough's on board the Dalek ship. CALDER: I'm sure the Colonel won't be long. STIEN: Let him go. CALDER: I can't. [SCENE_BREAK] SOLDIER: Help! CALDER: Are you all right, lad? DOCTOR: Be careful. STIEN: I was terrified it was a Dalek. DOCTOR: It was, or at least, the remains of one. CALDER: He's still alive. DOCTOR: We have to find it before it tries to kill again. [SCENE_BREAK] LYTTON: You all right? DAVROS: There are malfunctions in my life-support system. I require an engineer. LYTTON: We must board the Dalek ship. DAVROS: I must remain close to my cryogenic chamber. It may be necessary for me to be refrozen. LYTTON: There is a time factor. The space station transmitted a distress call. DAVROS: It will take days for a task force to arrive. LYTTON: Not if the signal's been intercepted by a patrol ship. DAVROS: Then you will shoot it down! I cannot be moved. [SCENE_BREAK] BLACK: Order an engineer to attend Davros. DALEK: We should leave here at once. BLACK: Without Davros, we have no future. He must be made to believe that we serve him. [SCENE_BREAK] STIEN: This is a waste of time. The mutant could have escaped using the Time Corridor. DOCTOR: True, so why are you being so tentative in your search? STIEN: We don't know for certain. DOCTOR: Precisely. That's why we're searching the warehouse. CALDER: What's it look like? DOCTOR: Oh, you won't mistake it. The moment you find it, it'll try and kill you. [SCENE_BREAK] ARCHER: Gentlemen, you've saved my life. I'm Colonel Archer, Bomb Disposal Squad. I have to make an urgent call. May I use your radio? ARCHER: Please? ARCHER: Thank you. It's dead. [SCENE_BREAK] DAVROS: Tell be about the Dalek defeat. LYTTON: You already know most of it. The Daleks and the Movellans were locked in an impasse. Each time their respective fleets attempted a stratagem, it was instantly anticipated and countered by their opponent's battle computer. DAVROS: Two totally logical war machines unable to out-think each other. Fascinating. If only I'd been there. LYTTON: Then the Movellans found the answer. KISTON: Sorry, sir. DAVROS: Quickly, tell me. LYTTON: They developed a virus which exclusively attacks the Daleks. The fleet was destroyed. Those who survived went to separate parts of the universe to escape the risk of further infection and work on a cure. DAVROS: Have they succeeded? LYTTON: Not yet. DAVROS: So, they have returned to their creator. Like an errant child, they have come home once more, but this time they will not abuse me. This time, I shall take my rightful place as their Supreme Being, and under my control, the Daleks shall once more become triumphant! LYTTON: Will you be able to find an antidote? DAVROS: Of course. LYTTON: A lot of research has already been done. DAVROS: I am Davros. The Daleks are my creation. If necessary, I shall genetically re-engineer them. Have you finished? KISTON: Almost, sir. DAVROS: I will need a laboratory. LYTTON: There is one already prepared for you. DAVROS: I shall work here, on the station. LYTTON: I've explained. There isn't time. DAVROS: I cannot risk an accident. If the virus were to escape on board the Dalek ship LYTTON: Every precaution has been taken. DAVROS: I work here! Or not at all. LYTTON: I'll see what can be arranged. DAVROS: Hurry. There is much work to be done. KISTON: I've finished, sir. DAVROS: Close the panel. [SCENE_BREAK] BLACK (OOV.): I order you to obey Davros. LYTTON: And what happens when the task force arrives from Earth? BLACK (OOV.): We shall be gone. I have a plan that will force Davros to leave of his own free will. Until then, you must supply him with everything he demands. Allow him access to the Space Station's laboratory. [SCENE_BREAK] KISTON: As you command. LYTTON: What happened? DAVROS: A small accident. LYTTON: Are you all right? KISTON: I caught my hand. It's nothing, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] STIEN: It isn't here. We haven't found the entrance to the Time Corridor, either. DOCTOR: Temporarily disconnected, I would think. CALDER: Doctor. STIEN: What is it? DOCTOR: Nothing, nothing. Go on with the search. STIEN: So much for the conqueror of the universe. I told you it had gone. STIEN: Is it dead? DOCTOR: Would you care to take a look? How is he? CALDER: It's more shock than physical. Come on, lad. Let's get you downstairs. Come on, you'll be all right. LAIRD: What happened? DOCTOR: The Dalek wasn't quite dead, I'm afraid. Here, take this. CALDER: Give us a hand with him. LAIRD: Of course. DOCTOR: We must get back to the TARDIS. I have to find the Dalek ship. STIEN: I'm not going back there. They'll kill me. DOCTOR: I need your help. STIEN: Help? Huh. You don't know how much of a coward I am. DOCTOR: Well, you can take this opportunity to show me. Come along. [SCENE_BREAK] MERCER: Kill him! STYLES: Wait. At least question him first. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: What happened? What was that shooting? CALDER: A small problem with a Dalek. TEGAN: He'd be more comfortable over here. LAIRD: Stay where you are. CALDER: It looks superficial. LAIRD: As long as there isn't any poison in it. Well, it was caused by an alien. We don't know what infection may have entered his bloodstream. CALDER: The Colonel'll be back soon, then we get the pair of them to hospital. [SCENE_BREAK] DAVROS: Ninety years I was frozen in that. Ninety years of mind-numbing boredom. LYTTON: You were conscious? DAVROS: Every second. The creatures of Earth have no stomach for judicial murder. They prefer to leave you to slowly rot and die. They call it being humane. KISTON: Then you must be equally humane in your revenge. DAVROS: It is a planet I shall destroy at my leisure. But first, I must deal with a meddling Time Lord. LYTTON: That has been anticipated. DAVROS: You have the Doctor? LYTTON: His capture is imminent. DAVROS: Excellent! Once I have drained his mind of all knowledge, he shall then die slowly and painfully! He has interfered for the last time. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Yes, I know. STEIN: What? DOCTOR: It's bigger inside than out. STIEN: I'm going mad. Daleks, Time Corridors, now this. DOCTOR: Don't worry, soon be over. STIEN: Yes, but will I still be sane enough to know? [SCENE_BREAK] STYLES: Don't do that. MERCER: Hide your eyes if it offends you. STYLES: Look, even an idiot like you must realise that he doesn't know anything. MERCER: He's not a member of the crew. He must be with the Daleks. TURLOUGH: I've told you, I'm from Earth. MERCER: Then how did you get here? TURLOUGH: The Dalek's Time Corridor. MERCER: Do you believe that? STYLES: Why not? We know the Daleks are capable of time travel. MERCER: So we're letting him go. STYLES: No, but we're not going to wait here for the Daleks to find us, either. [SCENE_BREAK] CALDER: Any one want some tea? LAIRD: No, thanks. TEGAN: I'd much rather have the Colonel back. How much longer is he going to be? CALDER: Hey, where are you going, lad? Come on, you're excused duties. LAIRD: Are you all right? CALDER: Yeah. You stay there. TEGAN: What's all that about? [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK: Activate the exit to the Time Corridor. DALEKS: We obey. [SCENE_BREAK] CALDER: Come on, lad. Nothing to worry about. It's only Sergeant Calder. Colonel's gone for an ambulance. Then you'll be all right. DALEKS: Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: That was gunfire. LAIRD: Quickly. We should get out of here. Quickly. ARCHER: There's nothing to worry about. [SCENE_BREAK] LYTTON: I'll inform him at once. Your laboratory is ready. DAVROS: Good. I will require the assistance of a chemist. LYTTON: Of course. DAVROS: And Kiston. He has proven to be a competent mechanical engineer. LYTTON: As you wish. DAVROS: Guards? LYTTON: An escort. There are still members of the crew still at large. It's purely a precaution. DAVROS: I am very difficult to kill. You should already know that. [SCENE_BREAK] TEGAN: (quietly) That's not Colonel Archer. He gave the Doctor his gun belt, yet he's wearing one. ARCHER: What are you two whispering about? LAIRD: I was wondering when the ambulance for Tegan would arrive. ARCHER: That is in hand. TEGAN: And the reinforcements? ARCHER: That is a military matter and therefore confidential. LAIRD: I don't think we should wait for the ambulance. ARCHER: This warehouse is under martial law. Attempt to leave, and I'll have the pair of you shot. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: That's it. I've located the Dalek ship. Now, I could drop you off at the warehouse when I collect Tegan. STIEN: I'll come with you. DOCTOR: Good man. [SCENE_BREAK] DALEK: The Doctor's TARDIS has been caught in the Time Corridor. BLACK: Prepare the duplication room. DALEK: I obey. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Turlough? DOCTOR: Turlough? Foolish boy. DOCTOR: Quickly, let's get out of here. STIEN: No, Doctor. DOCTOR: This is madness. The Daleks won't thank you for capturing me. They'll kill you. STIEN: I didn't quite tell you the truth. I serve the Daleks. I'm a Dalek agent. DALEKS: Exterminate the Doctor. Exterminate the Doctor. Exterminate the Doctor. Exterminate. Exterminate! Exterminate!

The Doctor starts having problems navigating the TARDIS through the space-time vortex and ends up on Earth in the future where strange events are going on with imitation police officers and soldiers from the future.

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_01x09

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_01x09_0

-[Real World]- (Henry is in a convenience store by the comic books. He's flipping through one when a girl, who is roughly Henry's age, approaches him.) Ava: Whatcha reading? Henry: The Hulk versus Wolverine. Ava: I'm Ava. I think I've seen you around school. You're in Miss Blanchard's class, right? (Henry nods. Another boy close to their age walks up to Ava.) Nicholas: Almost ready, Ava? Ava: This is my brother, Nicholas. Nicholas: Hi. Come on - let's go. Ava: You want to come hang out? Henry: Sure! (The three go to leave the store, but are stopped by the owner.) Mr. Clark: Where the hell do you think you're going? Open up your bag. Henry: What? Mr. Clark: Don't think I didn't see you rob me. Open your bag. Henry: I didn't take anything. (Mr. Clark takes Henry's bag and looks through it. He pulls out a fistful of candy.) Mr. Clark: And a liar, too. Henry: That's why you were talking to me. So your brother could put that stuff in there. Mr. Clark: Henry... I'm shocked. And you two - just who do you think you are? -[Fairy Tale World]- (In the forest, a man is hacking at a tree with an axe until he manages to topple it. Gretel and Hansel appear from behind another tree.) Father: Ah! A fine specimen. The wood it provides will keep our family's hearth warm this winter. Gretel: Can't I have an axe? Father: Huh? Gretel: You did say you wanted me here so I could help. Father: That I did. So, here's your task - take the cart, go fill it with kindling. The drier the better. Gretel: Okay. Father: And have your brother accompany you. Gretel: Okay. (Gretel picks up the end of the cart and goes to leave.) Father: Wait! (The Father removes the compass from around his neck and places it over Gretel's head.) Father: Take this. Gretel: Your compass? Father: So you don't get lost. A family always needs to be able to find one another. Gretel: Yeah. Father: Okay. Go. Be safe. (Hansel and Gretel take the cart and go deeper into the woods.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Hansel and Gretel are still collecting kindling for their father. Hansel has a slingshot and is shooting rocks into the forest.) Gretel: It's getting late. We should go. (She takes his slingshot.) Hansel: Hey! Give it back. Come on, Gretel! Give it back. Gretel: No, Hansel. We need to get back to Father. Hansel: Fine. Gretel: Follow me. (Gretel leads them to the area where their father was cutting down trees. However, there is no one there.) Gretel: This is where we left him. Hansel: So why isn't he here? Gretel: Father! Hansel: Father! (They hear a noise in the distance and start running in that direction.) Gretel: Father! Father! Father! (They end up coming to a road that cuts through the woods. When they turn to head down it, they encounter several of the Evil Queen's guards on horseback, as well as the Evil Queen's carriage. Two of the guards drag Hansel and Gretel to the carriage. The Evil Queen steps out.) Evil Queen: What are you doing in my forest? -[Real World]- (Mr. Clark, Regina, Henry, Ava and Nicholas are at the convenience store.) Mr. Clark: Well, I'm sorry, Madam Mayor, but your son was shoplifting. Regina: Were you? (Henry shakes his head.) Mr. Clark: Look for yourself. Regina: My son doesn't eat candy. And he knows better than to steal. It was obviously those two. We're going. (Regina and Henry head for the door. Emma walks in just before they get a chance to leave.) Emma: Henry. What happened? Regina: Miss Swan, must I remind you that genetics mean nothing. You're not his mother and it's all taken care of. Emma: I'm here because I'm the Sheriff. Regina: Oh, that's right. Go on - do your job. Take care of those miscreants. (Regina and Henry leave the store.) Emma: Did you call their parents? Mr. Clark: Uh, the number they gave me was disconnected. Emma: Did you guys give Mr. Clark a fake number? (Ava and Nicholas shake their heads.) Emma: Then why's it disconnected? Ava: Cause our parents couldn't pay the bill. Emma: And you guys are just trying to help out, huh? Ava: Please - please don't arrest us. It will just make things worse for our parents. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Hansel, Gretel, and the Evil Queen are still on the road in the forest.) Gretel: Please forgive us. We didn't mean to bother you, we just... We just lost our father. Evil Queen: Two helpless children. Lost and alone. A family torn asunder. Such a sad and moving story. Guards - seize them! (Gretel takes out Hansel's slingshot.) Gretel: Hansel, run! (Hansel runs into the forest. Gretel flings a rock at the approaching guard, which disorientates him enough for her to get away. Gretel follows Hansel into the forest. The guard starts to chase after them, but the Evil Queen stops him. Hansel and Gretel are running up a hill, when the Evil Queen dissipates and appears in front of them.) Evil Queen: Running from me is foolish. (Hansel and Gretel attempt to get away, but the Evil Queen summons a group of vines to catch them. The vines wrap around them, leaving them immobilized on the ground.) Evil Queen: Foolish, but also brave. And that bravery may just have saved you and your family's lives. (The Evil Queen vanquishes the vines.) Gretel: You... You're letting us go? Evil Queen: Oh, I'm doing so much more than that. I'm going to find your father. Hansel: You are? Gretel: Why? Evil Queen: Because you two are going to do something for me. Gretel: And then, you'll take us home? -[Real World]- (Emma pulls up to Nicholas and Ava's house.) Emma: This it? (Ava nods. Emma takes off her seatbelt and goes to get out of the car, but Ava stops her.) Ava: Please, no. If our parents see you, they'll be so embarrassed. Emma: Did Henry tell you about my superpower? Ava: We just met him. Emma: I have the ability to tell when anyone is lying. Tell me the truth - money problems aside, is everything okay at home? Ava: Yeah, we're great. Can we go? Emma: Alright. (Ava and Nicholas get out of the car with a bag of stuff and go up the stairs of the house. They stop at the front door, turn around, and wave at Emma. Emma drives off.) Ava: She's gone. We're good. (They don't go inside the house, and instead go back down the stairs. They go around back, where they jump a fence. They end up behind an abandoned house, which they enter through the basement. Inside, Ava unpacks the things they picked up from store and Nicholas sits on the bed. Suddenly, they hear a noise coming from upstairs. When they go to investigate, they end up finding Emma.) Emma: Why'd you guys lie to me? Where are your parents? Ava: We don't have any. [SCENE_BREAK] (At Mary Margaret's apartment, Ava and Nicholas are eating at the table, while Emma and Mary Margaret talk off to the side. Emma is holding a file about the kids.) Emma: Do you know them? Do they go to your school? MMB: I've seen them, but... I had no idea. None of us did. (Emma opens the file she's holding.) Emma: Ava and Nicholas Zimmer. They said their mother was a woman named Dory Zimmer. She died a few years ago. No one seems to know her or remember her. MMB: And the father? Emma: There isn't one. At least not one that they know. MMB: What does, uh... What does Social Services say? (Emma gives Mary Margaret a look.) MMB: You didn't report them. Emma: I report them, I can't help them. They go into the system. MMB: The system that's supposed to help. Emma: Yeah, the system I knew and was in for sixteen years. Do you know what happens? They get thrown into homes where they are a meal ticket - nothing more. These families get paid for these kids and as soon as they're too much work, they get tossed out and it all starts over again. MMB: But they're not all like that. Emma: All the ones I was in. MMB: What? We're just going to adopt them? Emma: I want to look for their father. They don't know him. He may not know they exist. MMB: And you think if he knows, he'll want them? Emma: I don't know. But what I do know, is it's hard enough finding foster families to take one kid that isn't theirs, let alone two. It's their best shot, or- (Ava, who was eavesdropping, interrupts. She is in tears.) Ava: We're going to be separated? Emma: No. That's not going to happen. Ava: Please - please don't let it. [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma enters the office of Mr. Krzyszkowski.) Emma: Excuse me. Mr...Krzyszkowski? Mr. Krzyszkowski: Yeah, it's Krzyszkowski. Everyone calls me K. Emma: Mr. K. I am Sheriff Swan. I'm hoping to look at the birth certificates of Ava and Nicholas Zimmer. Mr. Krzyszkowski: Alright, just, uh, fill out this form - in triplicate. (He pulls out three identical forms.) Emma: Okay. (Emma starts to fill out the forms, while Mr. Krzyszkowski looks through a filing cabinet.) Mr. Krzyszkowski: I'm so sorry. Those documents have been recently removed. Emma: By who? [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma confronts Regina in Regina's office.) Regina: Don't worry, Miss Swan. You can relax. I've contacted Social Services. Turns out these kids are on their own. They need help. Emma: Which is exactly what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to find their father. Regina: Well, he doesn't exist. (Regina hands Emma a file.) Emma: He has to. (Emma opens the file. The Father section of the birth certificate only has 'Unknown' written in it.) Regina: Well, of course, biologically, he exists. But there's no record of him. Which means we have no choice - these children need a home, so they will be put into the foster system. Emma: Storybrooke has a foster system? Regina: No, but I've contacted the state. Maine's group homes, unfortunately, are filled. But they put us in touch with two homes in Boston - a boy's home and a girl's. Emma: They're separating them? Regina: I don't like it, either. But we've got no choice. You need to have them in Boston tonight. Emma: Me? Regina: Well, you wanted to be Sheriff. This is what sheriffs do. Yes, you're taking them. Emma: No. I promised them they wouldn't be separated. Regina Well then, perhaps you should stop making promises you can't keep. These children need a home. I'm just trying to find the best one. -[Fairy Tale World]- (The Evil Queen, Hansel, and Gretel are walking through the woods. Gretel is fiddling with her compass.) Evil Queen: What is that? Gretel: My father's compass. He gave it to me so I could find him, but now it's broken. When are you going to tell us where we're going? Evil Queen: This is close enough. Gretel: Close enough to what? Evil Queen: The home of the Blind Witch. Hansel: That doesn't sound good. Evil Queen: She has something of mine. And I need you to get it back. Gretel: What is it? Evil Queen: Something I need to defeat a very wicked and powerful enemy. It's kept in a black leather satchel inside her house. Gretel: Well, why don't you get it yourself? How come you need us? Evil Queen: Because the house is protected by magic. I can't enter. But, luckily, the spell doesn't work on children. You'll have to wait here until nightfall. And then, once the witch is asleep, you can sneak in. Gretel: And if we do this, you promise you'll find our father? Evil Queen: Oh, indeed, I will. But there's one more thing - the witch's house is...unique. And because of this, you have to take special precaution once you're inside. Gretel: Like what? Evil Queen: No matter what you do, no matter how you're tempted - don't eat anything. (The Evil Queen pulls back a branch, revealing the Blind Witch's gingerbread house.) -[Real World]- (Emma is in her office at the station. She has a pile of files and papers on her desk, which she's sorting through. Henry, who has his book with him, enters the room.) Henry: Any luck? Emma: No. (He puts the book on the desk and flips through it.) Henry: I know who they are. They're brother and sister, lost, no parents - Hansel and Gretel. Emma: Anything in there about the dad? Henry: Just that he abandoned them. Emma: Great. Sounds like a familiar story. Whoever this guy is, he could be in Laos by now. Henry: No, he's here. Emma: Just how do you know that? Henry: Cause no one leaves Storybrooke. No one comes here, no one goes. It's just the way it is. Emma: I came here. Henry: Because you're special. You're the first stranger here - ever. Emma: Right - I forgot. Well, if he's around here anywhere, I'm going to find him. Henry: Can you tell me about him? Emma: I don't know anything yet. Henry: Not their father - mine. I told you about your parents and now, you're even living with your mom. Emma: Mary Margaret isn't... She's... Never mind. Henry: Please? Emma: I was pretty young. I'd just gotten out of the foster system and the only job I could get was at this twenty four hour diner just off the interstate. And, um... Your dad was training to be a fireman. He always got the worst shifts, so he'd come in and order coffee and pie and sit at the counter and always complain that we didn't sell pumpkin pie. But he always came back the next night anyway. Henry: Did you get married? Emma: Oh, no. Nothing like that. We just... We hung out a few times outside of work and...life happened. His got better and mine got worse and... I got into some trouble. Henry: And you went to jail. Emma: Yeah. Before I went, I... I found out I was pregnant with you. And I tried to contact him, and I found out that he died saving a family from a burning apartment building. So, you think I'm a saviour, Henry - he was. Your father was a real hero. Henry: Do you have anything of his? Something you can remember him by. Something I could see. Emma: I... I don't. Henry, I'm sorry. I got to go. I may know how to find this guy. [SCENE_BREAK] (Ava and Nicholas are eating cookies at Mary Margaret's. Emma comes downstairs with a box.) Emma: I want to show you guys something. (Emma pulls a blanket out of the box.) Nicholas: What's that? Emma: It's my baby blanket. It's something I've held onto my whole life. That's the only thing that I have from... From my parents. I've spent a lot of time with a lot of kids in your situation, and all of them - all of us - we held onto stuff. I want to find your father, but I need your help. Is there anything of his you've held onto? Ava: I might have something. But if I give it to you, you'll make sure we stay together, right? Emma: Right. (Ava pulls a compass on a chain out of her pocket and hands it to Emma.) Emma: A compass. Ava: Our mom kept it. She said it was our dad's. Emma: Thank you. Ava: Did you find them? Emma: Who? Ava: Your parents. Emma: Not yet. But I'm going to find yours. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Hansel and Gretel are outside the gingerbread house. Hansel goes to eat icing off the side of the house, but Gretel stops him. Gretel opens one of the windows, and the two enter. Inside, there is a table full of sweets. The two whisper to each other.) Hansel: How can you be sure she's sleeping? Gretel: I can't. And remember what the Queen said - not even a lick. (They see the Blind Witch asleep by the fireplace, along with the leather satchel hanging on the wall.) Hansel: You're right. Look. Gretel: And there's the satchel. Hansel: What do you think's inside it? Gretel: Does it matter? All that matters, is getting it to the Queen so she can find Father. (Gretel goes to grab the bag. Hansel, who stays behind by the table of sweets, picks up a cupcake. Gretel removes the bag from its hook, but when she turns around, she sees Hansel take a bite of the cupcake. The Blind Witch awakens. There's a pile of bones at her feet. Hansel and Gretel run for the exit, but the Blind Witch magically locks the door. They try the window, but they are locked, as well.) Blind Witch: I smell dinner. -[Real World]- (Emma enters Mr. Gold's pawn shop. Mr. Gold is at the counter polishing a lamp.) Mr. Gold: Emma. How lovely to see you. I'm flattered you'd take time off your busy schedule for me. What could I do for you, Sheriff? Emma: I'm looking for information on this old compass. Any idea where it could have come from? Mr. Gold: Well, well. Look at the detail. You know, this is crystal. This jeweled setting... In despite the rather unfortunate shape it's in, this is actually a very unusual piece. The person who owned this obviously had great taste. Emma: And where would someone like that buy it? Mr. Gold: Right here, of course. Emma: You know him? Mr. Gold: Indeed. A piece like this is difficult to forget. Emma: Do you happen to remember who bought it? Mr. Gold: Well, I'm good with names, Miss Swan, but maybe not that good. However, as luck would have it, I do keep quite extensive records. (He walks over to a small filing cabinet on the counter and looks through it.) Mr. Gold: And... Yes, here we are. (Mr. Gold pulls out an index card. However, he doesn't read it to Emma.) Emma: What's your price? Mr. Gold: Forgiveness. Emma: How about tolerance? Mr. Gold: Well, that's a start. The compass was purchased by a Mr. Michael Tillman. Emma: Anything else? Mr. Gold: Just a name. But I generally find that's all that one needs. (Emma goes to leave the shop.) Mr. Gold: Good luck with your investigation. (Emma leaves. The camera pans to the index card, which turns out to be blank.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma has found Michael at a garage, where he works as a mechanic. He reads the kids' file and looks at their pictures.) Michael: Not possible. Emma: Actually, it is. Michael: Well, I'm sorry, but Dory - she wasn't my, um... It was just once. Emma: Sometimes, that's all it takes. Michael: I met her when I was camping and we, um... No. It's not possible. I don't have twins. Emma: Yes, you do. You have twins that have been homeless ever since their mother passed away. You have twins who have been living in an abandoned house because they don't want to be separated from each other. You have twins who are about to be shipped off to Boston, unless you step up and take responsibility for them. Michael: Look - I can barely manage this garage. I can't manage two kids. And why are you so sure they're mine? Emma: Besides the timing... (Emma pulls out the compass.) Emma: Have you ever seen this? Michael: I lost this. Emma: Let me guess - twelve years and nine months ago? I know it's a lot - believe me, I know. A month ago, a kid showed up on my doorstep - I gave up for adoption - asking for help with...something. And I ended up moving here for him. Michael: I heard about that - it's the Mayor's son. But staying in town is... It's a lot different than taking him in. Emma: I don't have my kid because I don't have a choice. You do. Those kids did not ask to be brought into this world. You brought them into this world - you and their mother. And they need you. And if you choose not to take them, you are going to have to answer for that every day of your life. And sooner or later, when they find you - because believe me, they will find you - you're going to have to answer to them. Michael: I'm really sorry. I am. I don't know anything about being a dad. If it's a good home you're looking for, it's not with me. [SCENE_BREAK] (Henry, Ava and Nicholas are baking at Mary Margaret's. The phone rings and Mary Margaret answers it.) MMB: Hello? Emma: Hey, it's me. I need you to come outside right away. MMB: Is everything okay? Emma: Don't say anything in front of the kids, but no, it's not. [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma and Mary Margaret meet outside.) Emma: He doesn't want the kids. MMB: And you don't want to tell them. Emma: I can't. Because all I'll be telling them is that the false hope I gave them is exactly that. MMB: The truth can be painful, Emma, but it can also be cathartic. Emma: I agree with the painful part. MMB: Well, hey, look - you told Henry the truth that his father's dead and he's handling it great. Emma: I didn't tell him the truth. MMB: What? Emma: Henry's father was no hero and trust me - he does not need to know the real story. Maybe we can hide the kids. Just until we can find a family for them. Someone to take care of them. MMB: Yes, hiding the twelve year olds is a good plan. Emma: You have a better idea? MMB: Emma, maybe there isn't an idea. Maybe you just have to- (Regina approaches the two on the sidewalk.) Regina: Sheriff. Shouldn't you be on the interstate? Emma: What are you doing here? Regina: Seeing to it that you do your job. Emma: You know, you don't have to check up on me. I know what I have to do. Regina: Really? Because those kids are supposed to be in Boston tonight. -[Fairy Tale World]- (The Blind Witch locks Hansel and Gretel in a cage. She sticks her arms through the bars and feels around for them.) Blind Witch: Where are you? (The Blind Witch grabs Hansel's arm.) Blind Witch: Oh, yes. Nice and tender. A succulent roast, you'll make. (The Blind Witch walks away from the cage and walks over to the oven. She opens the oven's door and sticks her hand inside to test the temperature. In the cage, Hansel and Gretel whisper to each other.) Hansel: Gretel, she's going to cook me! We've got to do something - quick! Gretel: Stay calm. When she opens the cage to get you, don't try to fight. And while she's carrying you to the oven, grab the key that's in her pocket and toss it to me through the bars. Hansel: She's coming. She's coming - I can't do it! I'm going to die! (She approaches the cage.) Blind Witch: Gravy or butter? Which shall it be? (The Blind Witch sticks her hand through the bar and feels Gretel's face. Gretel kicks Hansel and he yells out in pain, causing the Blind Witch to think Gretel is Hansel. The Blind Witch unlocks the cage door and pulls Gretel out.) Blind Witch: Come with me, little boy. (Gretel steals the key to the cage from the Blind Witch's pocket and throws it to Hansel. Hansel unlocks the cage and frees himself. He runs up a short set of stairs and grabs a pole for a weapon. He ends up tripping on the stairs, which alerts the Blind Witch.) Blind Witch: Gravy or butter? Gravy or butter? How shall I baste you? (Hansel raises the pole in his hands, but the Blind Witch magically whisks it away. She approaches Hansel.) Blind Witch: Butter it is. Time to cook. (The Blind Witch grabs Hansel and drags him towards the oven. However, Gretel manages to undo the rope on her wrists and pushes the Blind Witch onto the cooking tray. Hansel and Gretel slide the Blind Witch into the oven and shut the door.) Hansel: Quick, Gretel! Lock her in! (Hansel grabs the leather satchel from its hook and the two run towards the exit.) Blind Witch: Let me out! (Hansel and Gretel escape the gingerbread house. The Blind Witch continues to yell at them.) Blind Witch: Let me out! You come back right now! Let me out! Let me out! (The Evil Queen sees the Blind witch in the oven through her magic mirror. She casts a fireball through the mirror, burning the Blind Witch.) Evil Queen: I would've gone gravy. [SCENE_BREAK] (A guard escorts Hansel and Gretel to the Evil Queen at her castle.) Evil Queen: My dear children. Were you successful in your task? Gretel: Yes, Your Majesty. Though, we were almost made into dinner. Evil Queen: Oh. How barbaric. (The Evil Queen summons the guard away.) Evil Queen: Now, if I could have my satchel. (Gretel hands her the bag.) Evil Queen: I've waited a very long time for this. Let's hope you didn't let me down. (The Evil Queen opens the bag and pulls out an apple.) Evil Queen: You did it. Gretel: Yeah, we did. Evil Queen: You've got a strong heart, girl. You remind me of myself at your age. Hansel: We did all that for an apple? Evil Queen: Oh, trust me, dear boy. This is not just an apple. It's a weapon. A weapon for a very particular and devious enemy. One who's still under the illusion that she's safe. (The Evil Queen walks over to the vanity, where she puts the apple in a box.) Gretel: Whatever your plan is, we did what you asked. Now you have to keep your promise and find our father. Evil Queen: Of course. To reunite your family, so you can live happily ever after. You were left alone in the woods. You deserve better than a father who would abandon you. Gretel: But he's all we have. Evil Queen: Perhaps, he doesn't have to be. Gretel: What do you mean? Evil Queen: You and your brother have impressed me. You aren't the first boy or girl that I've sent into that...sticky sweet house. But, you are the first to emerge. And as a reward, I've decided to invite the two of you to live with me. Here. Hansel: You mean that we get to live in a castle? Evil Queen: Yes. You would have your own rooms, of course. Personal carriages - valets, too. All of your dreams could come true. Gretel: No. We want our father back. He would never abandon us. And even if he did, we would never want to live with someone as terrible as you. Evil Queen: Is that so? Gretel: Yes. We're going to find him, with or without your help. And when we do, we're going to prove you wrong. Evil Queen: We'll see about that. (The Evil Queen casts a spell, which creates a purple tornado around Hansel and Gretel.) Hansel: Gretel? What's happening? -[Real World]- (Emma, Ava, and Nicholas are next to Emma's squad car, while Regina and Henry watch from a distance. Emma opens the door to the car and gestures for them to get in.) Emma: Come on. It's going to be... Here. (Emma gives Ava back her compass.) Emma: I'm sorry, but we got to go. (Ava and Nicholas get in the car.) Regina: Let's go, Henry. (Regina puts her hand on Henry's shoulder, but he shrugs her off and runs over to Emma's window.) Henry: No, you can't take them! They can't leave Storybrooke, Emma! They can't. Something bad will happen. Emma: Something bad has already happened. (Emma and the kids drive off.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma, Ava, and Nicholas are driving along the road that leads out of Storybrooke. Suddenly, the car starts slowing and the engine starts malfunctioning. They pull off on the side of the road.) Emma: You've got to be kidding me. Ava: What happened? What's wrong? Emma: Engine's stalled. Ava: Who are you calling? Emma: Help. -[Fairy Tale World]- (The Evil Queen watches Snow White through her magic mirror. She appears to be in the forest with several dwarves.) Evil Queen: Now she's cavorting with dwarves? When did that happen? (A guard enters the room.) Guard: Your Majesty. The prisoner you requested is here. Evil Queen: Bring him in. (Two other guards drag in Hansel and Gretel's father. He is shackled.) Father: I demand to be released. My children are in that forest that you took me from - alone. They could be in great danger. Evil Queen: Yes, I know all about your children. That compass you gave sweet, little Gretel... Well, I'm afraid it didn't help her find you now, though, did it? Father: What have you done with them? You tell me where they are! Evil Queen: Gone. I told them you abandoned them, leaving nothing but a compass to find their way. But I didn't bring you here to answer your questions. You're here to answer mine. I offered your children everything - whatever their hearts desired - and they still chose uncertainty because of their blind faith in you. Tell me why. Hm? Why did your children refuse me? Father: Because we're a family. And family always finds one another. Evil Queen: Release him. Father: You're letting me go? Evil Queen: You can all be together, as a family, as soon as you all find one another. [SCENE_BREAK] (Hansel and Gretel are laying next to each other, unconscious, in the woods. Gretel wakes up first and shakes Hansel awake.) Gretel: Hansel, wake up! Hansel! (The two stand up and look around.) Gretel: She let us go. Hansel: I'm scared. Gretel: Don't be. Everything will be fine. (Gretel takes Hansel's hand and the two start walking. The camera zooms out, revealing that they are in the middle of nowhere in a huge forest.) -[Real World]- (Emma is waiting for help outside of the squad car, while Ava and Nicholas sit in the back seat.) Ava: Nicholas, look! (The compass moves and appears to be working again. A tow truck pulls over to assist them. The driver, who ends up being Michael, gets out of the truck. He sees Ava and Nicholas, who are looking out the back window of the car.) Michael: Those are them. Emma: Those are them. Michael: And your car - it's fine? Emma: I just wanted you to see 'em. Just once. I didn't think I could do it, either. I gave up Henry because I wanted to give him his best shot. When I saw that he didn't have it, I couldn't leave. I was just as scared - more, probably. But once I saw him, got to know him, I couldn't go back. Michael: You're taking them? To Boston. Emma: I don't have to. Michael: No, you don't. (Michael walks up to the side of the car, where they roll down the window.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Mary Margaret is folding clothes in her room when Emma enters.) MMB: Hey. What happened? Emma: Their dad - he showed up. Changed his mind. MMB: Changed his mind? Just like that? Emma: He might have had a little nudge. MMB: They found their father. That's great. Emma: I wonder what that would be like? MMB: Maybe you'll find out. You can't give up. Emma: I don't know. I kind of think giving up might be the best plan. I think I need to let go. MMB: No, you don't. Emma: Really? If they wanted to know me, they wouldn't make it so hard to look. MMB: Maybe. But maybe there's other reasons. Maybe there is an explanation. Emma: If there is, it's something crazy. Something even crazier than Henry's theory. MMB: Yeah? What's Henry's theory? Emma: Well, that my parents put me in a magical wardrobe and sent me to this world to save them. MMB: Aw. And who does he think they are? Emma: Well, for one, you. MMB: Me? Emma: Well, Snow White. MMB: Snow White has a kid? Emma: Apparently that book you gave him? Not exactly the stories in the most traditional sense. MMB: I have a kid. You'd think I'd remember that. Emma: Yeah, you'd think. MMB: You do kind of have my chin. Emma: I think I need to go get some air. (Emma gets up and leaves the room. Mary Margaret follows her.) Emma: I'm going to go think. MMB: If you're going to be back later, I can wait to eat with you? Emma: No, don't do that. MMB: I'll leave you leftovers. (Emma heads for the door and Mary Margaret notices Emma's baby blanket in a box.) MMB: What a pretty blanket. Emma: Thanks. Goodnight. (Emma leaves. Mary Margaret picks up the blanket and smells it. She pauses, but puts it down.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma is reading her file in the car. One article reads 'Still no leads on deadbeat parents - baby Emma remanded to foster system' and another reads '7 year old boy finds baby on side of road'. Henry walks up to the car with a box in hand.) Henry: Uh, what's that? Emma: Just an old file. What's up? Henry: Pumpkin pie. I... I thought you'd like some. It was pumpkin, right? Emma: Right. (Emma gets out of the car to meet with Henry.) Emma: Henry, about your father... Henry: Yeah? Emma: I'm glad I told you. Henry: Me too. (Henry hugs Emma.) Emma: Give me that. (She takes the box from Henry.) Henry: What you did - with Ava and Nicholas - you really are changing things. (The sound of an engine is heard in the distance. A man on a motorcycle turns the corner and parks across from Emma and Henry. There is a large wooden box on the back of his motorcycle. He takes off his helmet and approaches Emma and Henry.) August: Hi. Emma: Hey. August: Is this Storybrooke? Emma: Yeah. August: Any place to get a room around here? Henry: Uh, you're staying? August: That's the plan. Just looking for a bed. Emma: Granny's Bed and Breakfast is just up the road - another two blocks. August: Thank you. (He turns around and walks back to his motorcycle.) Emma: Hey, I didn't catch your name. August: Well, that's because I didn't give it. (He drives off, leaving Emma and Henry alone.) Emma: I thought you said strangers don't come to Storybrooke? Henry: They don't. -[End]-

Feeling their pain from having lived through the same experience, Emma desperately tries to help two homeless children find their birth father before they're separated and put into the foster care system. Meanwhile, back in the fairytale world that was, the Evil Queen coerces Hansel and Gretel into stealing an important artifact from a blind witch.

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THE TALONS OF WENG-CHIANG BY: ROBERT HOLMES Part One Running time: 24:44 [SCENE_BREAK] JAGO: Mister Chang. Wonderful, wonderful. Words fail me, sir. Words quite fail me. CHANG: You are most generous. JAGO: Have I ever, in my thirty years in the halls, seen such a dazzling display of lustrous legerdemain? So many feats of superlative, supernatural skill? The answer must be never, sir. Never. SIN: Honourable master is kind to bestow praise on humble Chang's miserable, unworthy head. JAGO: Dashed clever, the way you work the little fellow. Wires in the sleeves, I dare say. But I'll not pry, Mister Chang. The secrets of the artistes are sacrosanct. BULLER (OOV.): Hey, you! JAGO: What the deuce? BULLER: Where's my Emma? What have you done with her? JAGO: You've got no right to burst in here. BULLER: Out of my way! It's him I want. CHANG: Your Emma? BULLER: She come in here last night and nobody ain't seen her since. JAGO: I'll have the fellow ejected. BULLER: Now I'm asking you, mister, what's happened to her? JAGO: Call the stage hands, Freddy. CHANG: It's all right, Mister Jago. Please, come with me. JAGO: Courteous coves, these Chinese. I'd have propelled him onto the pavement with a punt up the posterior. [SCENE_BREAK] CHANG: Your wife? BULLER: Emma Buller. And don't deny she was here, cos I saw her with my own eyes. CHANG: Many ladies come to theatre. Why should you think BULLER: Not round the side door, they don't. Now, look. I was passing in my cab and I saw her plain, and I know it was you she was calling on. She's been acting queer ever since you put the 'fluence on her last week, so don't try coming the innocent, Mister. I want to know where she is or I'm calling the law. Clear? CHANG: Your wife came on stage? BULLER: Last week. Levitated her, you did. She's not been the same since. It's done something to her reason, I shouldn't wonder. And she was here last night. CHANG: Not to see me. BULLER: Don't come the cod. She's disappeared. Nobody's seen her, not since she come here last night, so what about it, eh? CHANG: In my country we have saying. Man who goes too quickly may step in bear trap. BULLER: Right, I'm getting the Peelers. [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: These clothes are ridiculous. Why must I wear them? DOCTOR (OOV.): Because you can't go walking around Victorian London in skins. You'll frighten the horses. DOCTOR: Anyway, we don't want to be conspicuous, do we? LEELA: A swamp creature. That was it's attack cry. DOCTOR: Oh no, it was a ship on the river. Excellent. It means we can't be far away. LEELA: From where? DOCTOR: From where we're going. LEELA: Doctor, you make me wear strange clothes, you tell me nothing. You are trying to annoy me. DOCTOR: I'm trying to teach you, Leela. Surely you'd like to see how your ancestors enjoyed themselves? Splendid. That's why I'm taking you to the theatre. Li H'sen Chang. Hmm, pity. I'd rather hoped we'd catch Little Tich. Never mind. If we hurry we'll just catch the second house. [SCENE_BREAK] JAGO: You'd better get your tail pinned on. Linens up in five minutes. Casey, have you got the oopizootics coming on? CASEY: Mister Jago, I've seen it. I've seen it again! JAGO: Be quiet. I told you before. CASEY: Horrible, horrible it was, Mister Jago. A great skull coming at me out of the dark. JAGO: Damme, you don't want to bankrupt me, Casey. Keep your voice down. Threadbare in Carey Street I'll be if people get the notion there's anything wrong with this theatre. CASEY: Chains clanking, nine foot tall. JAGO: You've been drinking. CASEY: Not a drop, sir. JAGO: Well, it's time you started. JAGO: Now pull yourself together, man. CASEY: I ain't never going down that cellar again. There I was, fixing the trap, when this apparition rose out of the ground in front of me. Hideous, it was. Hideous. JAGO: That's enough. JAGO: It's your imagination. CASEY: Never. JAGO: A cat or something must be trapped down there making noises. Tell you what I'll do, Casey. I'll come down with you this evening, as soon as the house is clear, and we'll have a good look round. Now how's that? CASEY: It was no cat, Mister Jago. I seen it! JAGO: Please, Casey, remember, mum's the word. [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: This is a big village. DOCTOR: Yes. LEELA: What's the name of the tribe here? DOCTOR: Cockneys. LEELA: The sound of death! DOCTOR: You stay here. DOCTOR: Excuse me, can I help you? QUICK (OOV.): Hold you there. QUICK: Now then, what's all this? LEELA: Touch me and I'll break your arm. QUICK: Now don't be foolish, miss. DOCTOR: Good evening. LEELA: Keep back, Doctor. Blue guards! DOCTOR: Good evening, Constable. QUICK: Good evening, sir. You know this young female, sir? DOCTOR: Oh yes, yes. We were attacked by this little man and four other little men. QUICK: When I got here, sir, he was being strangled with his own pigtail, sir. DOCTOR: Really? Girlish enthusiasm, officer? QUICK: You might call it that, sir. I call it making an affray. I must ask you to come down the station with me. [SCENE_BREAK] CHANG: Please to see, ladies and gentlemen, subject now in state of deep hypnosis. AUDIENCE: Oh! SIN: She asleep. CHANG: She not asleep, Mister Sin. SIN: She been slugging type of toddy. CHANG: I will prove young lady not asleep. SIN: She's lying on metal bar. CHANG: Not lying on metal bar. SIN: I've seen it done before. CHANG: I will prove young lady not lying on metal bar. SIN: She's held up by wires. CHANG: Enough. SIN: You can't fool me. CHANG: Silence! SIN: Don't touch me! Help! Police! Murder! CHANG: You see? No wires, Mister Sin. I will now demonstrate art of levitation raising most beautiful lady high above own topknot. [SCENE_BREAK] KYLE: Name, sir? DOCTOR: Doctor. Leela. KYLE: Place of residence, sir? LEELA: We've only just arrived here. DOCTOR: We're on our way to the theatre, do you see. KYLE: Your home address will do for the moment, sir. You do have a permanent address, sir? DOCTOR: No, Sergeant. We're travellers. KYLE: I see. Persons of no fixed abode. DOCTOR: No, no, no, no. We do have an abode. It's called a TARDIS. KYLE: A TARDIS. DOCTOR: But it's not fixed. KYLE: I can give you and the young lady a fixed abode, sir. Quite easily. DOCTOR: Flat footed imbecile. KYLE: What was that, sir? DOCTOR: It was nothing complementary. Get on with it, Sergeant. KYLE: Now look, sir. We've got our hands full here, all these girls going missing in the manor, so if you'd just oblige us by answering any questions we'll get on a lot better. And a lot quicker. DOCTOR: Sergeant, all this is irrelevant. I've come here to lay evidence. KYLE: We'll come to that in good time. DOCTOR: We'll come to that now, Sergeant. We've just prevented a kidnapping, a robbery or even a murder. My friend here caught one of the attackers. Let's come to it now, shall we? KYLE: We've only your word as to what he did, Doctor. DOCTOR: Tell him. Tell him. LEELA: The man they were carrying was dead. He had been stabbed through the heart! KYLE: Really, Miss. And how can you be sure of that? LEELA: I am a warrior of the Sevateem. I know the different sounds of death. Now put our prisoner to the torture! KYLE: Well, if that don't take the biscuit. Torture, eh? This isn't the Dark Ages, you know. LEELA: Make him talk. KYLE: He's a Chinese, if you hadn't noticed. We get a lot of those in here, Limehouse being so close. Him jaw-jaw plenty by and by, eh, Johnny? I've sent for an interpreter. DOCTOR: That won't be necessary. I speak Mandarin, Cantonese, all the dialects. KYLE: Oh yes? DOCTOR: Yes. Ne how ma? Ni chi mao cora (and so on) KYLE: Yeah, very remarkable, I'm sure, Doctor, but since you're a party to the case, it isn't proper. KYLE: Now what? That come from the river. [SCENE_BREAK] WOMAN: Look, there it is, guv. See? Look. QUICK: Hurry with that boat hook. WOMAN: It's a floater, all right. You've got it, guv. WOMAN: On my oath, you wouldn't want that served with onions. Never seen anything like it in all my puff. Oh, make an 'orse sick, that would. [SCENE_BREAK] KYLE: Good of you to come so prompt, sir. CHANG: Not at all, Sergeant. I'm always happy to be of service to the police. What can I do for you this time? KYLE: A complaint against this man, sir. The lady and gentleman here swear they saw him, in concert with others not in custody, carrying what appeared to be a body, sir. CHANG: Indeed. KYLE: A European body as I understand them, sir. CHANG: What happened to the others? LEELA: They got away. I caught this one. CHANG: You caught him? Remarkable. DOCTOR: Don't I know you? CHANG: I think not. DOCTOR: Yes, I've seen you somewhere before. CHANG: I understand we all look the same. DOCTOR: Are you Chinese? Yes, that's it. We must have. No, I haven't been in China for four hundred years. CHANG: Are you taking this matter seriously, Sergeant? KYLE: We are, sir. Will you question the man, sir? CHANG: Very well. CHANG: Can I have paper and pencil, please, Sergeant? KYLE: Certainly, sir. DOCTOR: Got it! Li H'sen Chang. CHANG: What? DOCTOR: The Master of Magic and Mesmerism. Show us a trick. DOCTOR: Very good. Very good. KYLE: I think he's dead, sir. DOCTOR: How did you do it? CHANG: I did nothing. What are you suggesting. DOCTOR: Scorpion venom. KYLE: Scorpion venom? DOCTOR: Highly concentrated scorpion venom. It killed him almost instantly. DOCTOR: The Tong of the Black Scorpion. KYLE: Don't know that one, sir. DOCTOR: One of the most dangerous politico-criminal organisations in the world. Wouldn't you agree, Li H'sen Chang? CHANG: You seem remarkably well-informed, Doctor. Alas, I know nothing of these matters. Most regrettable incident. Goodnight, Sergeant. KYLE: Thank you, sir. CHANG: I'm sure we shall meet again. LEELA: Yes. CHANG: Perhaps under more pleasant circumstances. KYLE: Well, I don't know what to do about this lot. DOCTOR: Then I'll tell you what to do, Sergeant. Organise a post-mortem. I want an analysis of the organs. KYLE: You want what, sir? DOCTOR: Well naturally I'm going to help. If the Tong of the Black Scorpion's here in London, you're going to need all the help you can get. Now cut along and do as I say. Now! KYLE: Yes, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] CHANG: Faster, man, faster. [SCENE_BREAK] JAGO: Twinkle, twinkle, out in front. CASEY: Eh? JAGO: Gallery lights still burning. CASEY: I'll just go and see to them now, Mister Jago. JAGO: Everyone gone? CASEY: Aye, just locked up, sir. JAGO: I hope those girls go straight home to their digs. CASEY: Oh, that they will, sir, with all this in the papers. Nine are missing now, you know. JAGO: Nine. There was some fellow in here earlier blaming Chang of all people for some girl's disappearance. CASEY: Just vanished off the streets, they have. Mostly in this area, too. What do you think's happened to them, Mister Jago? JAGO: Nothing good, Casey, nothing good. That's a stone certainty. CASEY: Oh, it says in the paper how it could be jolly Jack at work again. JAGO: Jolly Jack? CASEY: The Ripper, Mister Jago. JAGO: The horrendous hyperbole of Grub Street, Casey. CASEY: Eh? JAGO: Newspaper gossip. They're probably just stony and scarpered. Cut along now. I'll wait for you here. [SCENE_BREAK] JAGO: I was right. It was blood. Blood all over the hand and wrist. How did that get there? CASEY: Ready, Mister Jago. JAGO: Oh, Casey. Don't ever do that to me again. If the celestial Chang caught me trying to pinch his tricks. I had an idea that his dummy was a midget dressed up, but it's just an ordinary vent's doll. CASEY: Are we going to look down the cellar, Mister Jago? JAGO: Of course, Casey. Of course. When I promise to do something. Determination, character. After you. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: They're what's known as a very dangerous bunch. Fanatical followers of an ancient Chinese god called Weng-Chiang. LEELA: The Tong of the Black Scorpion? DOCTOR: Yes. His followers believe that one day he'll come back and rule the world. LEELA: So what's he like, this Weng-Chiang? DOCTOR: Oh, very pleasant company. They say he blew poisonous fumes from his mouth and that he killed men with a white light that shone from his eyes. LEELA: Magic! DOCTOR: Superstitious rubbish. Here we are. QUICK (OOV.): They're in there now, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] QUICK: Taken from the river not half an hour ago. Professor Litefoot's conducting his examination now, sir. DOCTOR: Yes, well, our case is much more urgent. QUICK: I wouldn't go in there if I was you, sir. DOCTOR: Don't you worry about it. Don't you worry. [SCENE_BREAK] LITEFOOT: Thank you. LITEFOOT: Who the devil are you, sir. DOCTOR: I'm the Doctor, come to help you. LITEFOOT: When I need anyone's help in pathology, I'll ask for it. DOCTOR: The constable suggested a drowning case. LITEFOOT: Fished from the river, but he wasn't drowned. DOCTOR: By the look of those marks, an animal. LITEFOOT: Exactly what I think, but what kind of animal leaves mutilations like those? DOCTOR: Chisel-like incisors. A rodent? LITEFOOT: Yes, but that's impossible. Look at the size of them. DOCTOR: Hmm. Have you established the cause of death? LITEFOOT: Yes, that's another curious thing. All this happened after death. DOCTOR: Really? LITEFOOT: He was killed by a knife blow to the heart. DOCTOR: Are those his clothes? QUICK: Yes, sir. I'm just taking them for examination. DOCTOR: Hold that. LITEFOOT: He was carrying no personal documents, but this indicates he was a licensed cab driver.) LITEFOOT: Easy enough to identify the poor chap by his number. LEELA: Doctor, those are the clothes the man we saw was wearing. DOCTOR: What I'd like to know is, what do you think of these? LITEFOOT: Some sort of hair. DOCTOR: Yes. I think they're rat hairs. LITEFOOT: Rat hairs? Do you know what you're saying, man? DOCTOR: Yes, of course I know what I'm saying. LITEFOOT: But they're nearly three inches long. Hairs on a rat can't be more than what, quarter of an inch? DOCTOR: Interesting, isn't it, because I've just remembered something else about Weng-Chiang. LEELA: What? DOCTOR: He was the god of abundance. Yes, he made things grow. Can I borrow that? DOCTOR: Thank you. LEELA: Where are we going? DOCTOR: Stay there, Leela. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Were you trying to attract my attention? DOCTOR: What's this? LEELA: A Janis thorn. DOCTOR: Yes. I thought I told you not to carry LEELA: He was trying to kill you. DOCTOR: Oh. Oh, well, in that case you'd better come along. LEELA: What is it? DOCTOR: The entrance to the sewers. LEELA: Blood. Is this where they took the body? DOCTOR: Yes. LEELA: Where's it go? DOCTOR: Into the Thames eventually. All the sewers are connected. [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: What are those creatures? DOCTOR: Rats. LEELA: They don't look very dangerous. DOCTOR: No, they're not. They're very cunning though. They're probably more afraid of us.

The Doctor and Leela land in Victorian London, and find themselves in the middle of missing girls, mutilated bodies, and vicious Chinese gangs. The Palace theater, presenting hypnotist Li H'sen Chang seems to be at the center of it all.

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Int. Sydney's apartment. She looks at herself in the mirror with a weird/curious look, then walks over to the sink and sits down. Then, pushing the tap up to let the water run, she puts a kettle under the tap and fills it up. She walks over to the stove and let the water boil, while picking up a box and reading its contents of a sachet. A man runs across the translucent doors and he pushes them open. It's Vaughn, grocery bag in his hands. VAUGHN: Back! Sydney looks up, a smile growing on her face. SYDNEY: Hey. What took you so long? VAUGHN: Traffic light out on Venice. She still has a weird look on her face as he comes over and kisses her. SYDNEY: Would you look at something for me? VAUGHN: Yeah. SYDNEY: See an eyelash? (Widens her left eye with her hand) Something itches like hell. VAUGHN: (he looks) No. SYDNEY: Sure? VAUGHN: Yeah, maybe those contacts you wore on the Ireland mission irritated your eye. She doesn't look too convinced. SYDNEY: Yeah. Vaughn starts taking the groceries out of the bag and Sydney peers into the bag. SYDNEY: What's this? VAUGHN: What do you think about Orecchietti? SYDNEY: I don't think I've ever heard of it. Vaughn takes a cutting knife out. The sound made is loud and crisp, and Sydney has a weird look on her face again. SYDNEY: Wait a minute, don't tell me you cook. VAUGHN: (A smile on his face) There are a lot of things about me you don't know. SYDNEY: You clean, too? (She's still looking through the grocery bag) VAUGHN: I've been known to. Why, you thinking about hiring me? SYDNEY: Why would I hire you when I get you for free? VAUGHN: (small laugh) Are you taking a bath? SYDNEY: (She walks behind him) Maybe. (There's a somewhat cheeky look on her face) Maybe we're gonna take a bath. Close up shot of Vaughn cutting the broccoli. He accidentally cuts his finger. VAUGHN: Ah, damn it. Sydney rushes over immediately, a look of concern etched on her face. SYDNEY: You okay? VAUGHN: Yeah, I'm fine. (Sydney takes his hand to inspect the wound) SYDNEY: Let me see. (She applies pressure to it) VAUGHN: It's nothing. SYDNEY: Not nothing. (They look at each other and Vaughn looks pleased at her concern.) Scene changes. The background music now sounds like it's coming from the radio. We get another closeup of their hands, and this time Sydney is putting a bandaid over the wound. Vaughn looks at her and smiles a little, and she puts his finger to her mouth and kisses it. SYDNEY: Here you go. All better. VAUGHN: You're gonna make a great mom. SYDNEY: Yeah, maybe. The statement seemed to have hit a raw nerve. She stands up, presumably to place the bandaid box to its place and in front of the mirror again. SYDNEY: Just that, my mom wasn't exactly the best role model. VAUGHN: Well the good news is that, you're nothing like your mother. Suddenly a warped voice in a voice over. VOICEOVER: You're not there yet, Sydney. She looks up in mild shock, then meets the eyes of Vaughn. SYDNEY: Did you hear that? VAUGHN: What. (It was almost as if it was a statement and not an answer...) SYDNEY: Radio. VOICEOVER: You need to go further back. Follow Vaughn VAUGHN: It's just the radio, Syd. If you don't like it we can turn it off. She seems to like that idea a lot. SYDNEY: That's right. Vaughn switches off the radio, then smiles. VAUGHN: How about a nice bottle of wine with this bath? SYDNEY: That would be great. Vaughn walks away, and Sydney looks in the mirror again. This time, she is shocked by what she sees. Something odd is reflected; a blue hue. Sydney sees herself being held on a chair with electrodes stuck to her forehead and she squints. The scene changes into the actual scene of her being tortured for information. The camera view is now a mesh of colours which focuses slightly, and as it pans it occurs that we're looking through Sydney's eyes: She sees a doctor. SYDNEY: Who are you? DOCTOR: Shh. Syd, sit still. We're almost there, Sydney. He takes a syringe. DOCTOR: We almost have what we need. We just need to go a little further. Sydney squints and looks utterly confused. She sees him sucking liquid into the syringe and asks. SYDNEY: What are you doing to me? DOCTOR: Nothing for you to worry about. I'm just trying to help you relax. SYDNEY: Why? What do you want? (The doctor shushes her) DOCTOR: I just need to find a vein... A distorted voice fills the room. DISTORTED VOICE: Stop. Are you certain this won't harm the baby? DOCTOR: Quite certain. SYDNEY: (almost as if getting out of a stupor) Wait, the baby... don't... DOCTOR: (towards the one-side mirror) But if you want your answer you're going to need to let me do my job. SYDNEY: Who is that behind there? Who's behind there? DISTORTED VOICE: Okay, you may proceed. SYDNEY: If you hurt my baby... (he sticks the syringe in) I swear to you... (tears stream down her cheeks) I will kill you. We see the view from Sydney's eyes again, and the doctor gets blurred. End of scene. SAN FR[A]NCISCO 2 DAYS EARLIER Ext. Rain is pouring down and camera pans to a woman serving noodles. WOMAN: You like? We see Peyton at the receiving end. PEYTON: Yes, I like very much! WOMAN: It's nice to see girl like you eating noodle. My granddaughter, she tell me, 'too many carbs!' Peyton smiles politely and barely eats two mouthfuls of noodles before the door rings open. A man in a suit walks through the door and she jumps on her feet. PEYTON: Thank you! I'm late for a date! WOMAN: Okay! Bye bye! She rushes off and catches up with the man in the suit through the rain. PEYTON: Excuse me, Mister! Thank god, I'm supposed to meet some friends in the [Mission?] district. My cab driver from Oackland just dropped me off here and zoomed off. I - I've been trying to find a cab, and no one here seems to... MAN: There's a stand two blocks over the right. PEYTON: Thank you! He turns to walk away and she calls him again. PEYTON: Oh, do you know what time it is? He comes back and looks at his watch. MAN: Yeah, it's - (she stabs him and blood spews out from his mouth) PEYTON: Nice watch. (She pulls the knife out and places him against the wall, rummaging through his pockets and takes his watch off, looking furtively around (Because, like, there isn't anybody on that street, you know.) and walks away) She walks quickly through the same door and walks up the stairs, fiddling with the watch which is now on her wrist. Stopping at a door, she pushes three knobs up and gets green light, then placing the wristwatch on a sensor. ACCESSING... AGENT ZACHARY TURNER ACCESS GRANTED The door opens and she enters the room, stopping at the nearest desk. There is another agent at his own desk. AGENT: Again Turner? You'll miss your plane. Peyton types. AGENT MICHAEL VAUGHN AGENT: You missed that pickup in Cartagena, I'm gonna hear it from the Director. She presses enter while looking at the other agent, worried. Lots of technical effects before the screen stops at SERVER 4 SLOT 29. The agent turns around just as she walks towards server 4 presumably. AGENT: What did you forget this time? He gets up and looks, while the camera pans to Peyton looking for the server - still - and finally reaching it. The agent looks at the computer (still beeping away) and Peyton takes a handdrill to loosen the screws of slot 29. He walks the way of server 4; and Peyton continues to loosen the remaining screws. The agent finally reaches the spot - Peyton isn't there anymore. He starts to walk away, then looks at slot 29: it's open, so he walks towards it... Peyton jumps from behind and strangles him with a cord, asphyxiating him. She kicks him in the calf and he goes down on his knees, and she tightens the cord. He struggles... then dies. Peyton retrieves the data, puts it in her handbag and leaves, taking a last look at the dead agent. Cut to outside. The first agent she killed is still propped up against the wall... Then slumps to the wet ground. Nice noodle woman comes around. WOMAN: Mister! You okay?! Peyton walks through that same door again, one ear against her cellphone. PEYTON: This is agent 4962 Bravo. Requesting for technician. Cuts to DeSantis in his office. DESANTIS: This is he. PEYTON: Dr. DeSantis, this is Kelly Peyton. DESANTIS (VO): Were you able to retrieve Agent Vaughn's files? Peyton: Yes. I'm exiting Chao Ke Street now. Camera pans to nice noodle woman who exclaims in anguish as she pokes at the dead agent. (the background sounds of the woman screaming) PEYTON: I'll run the analysis in the attaché (?) DESANTIS: Excellent. I'll let our benefactors know. (Referring to the background sound) What is that noise? PEYTON: You know how it is. Rough neighbourhood. She clips the phone off. Off the camera, we see her walking away and the dead agent is still lying on the ground; the background sounds still filled with screams and shouts... Cut to the Alias Theme (Or now is the time in Alias when we (used to, until the episode!) dance!) Camera pans over a nice shot of the skyscrapers of LA. (camera cuts to the interior of a hospital. The doctor leads the way and Jack is in front of Sydney) (Voiceover) DOCTOR LYNN: After your initial triage and check-in, we'll bring you up here into the labouring and delivery room. SYDNEY: So this is where I'll be getting my epidural. DOCTOR LYNN: Yes, it is. (she laughs lightly) If you want one. SYDNEY: I do. I'm - I'm not a big fan of pain. JACK: Are there any adjustments Sydney should be making to her life style? I'm sure her boss at the bank would be (he pauses slightly) happy to lighten her workload. DOCTOR LYNN: No, she's fine. I tell mothers staying active for as long as they can is a good thing. They stop in the middle of the ward. DOCTOR LYNN: You must be excited. Won't be much longer now. SYDNEY: Oh no, the due date's still three weeks away. DOCTOR LYNN: Sure it is, but you never know. Your baby might be in a hurry. You're far enough along (camera cuts to Sydney's slightly shocked expression) if your water broke today we could expect a healthy delivery. (Sydney nods) SYDNEY: Wow, I, uh I didn't know that. (Doctor's pager beeps) DOCTOR LYNN: My service. I need to run. (she smiles at Sydney) I'll see you next week for your check-up. Sydney seems overwhelmed, but nods anyway. SYDNEY: Okay. They start walking out of the ward. Cut to Jack's slightly humoured expression: JACK: So, any day. SYDNEY: Well she said it could be any day. (she shrugs it off, but her expression on her face remains slightly surprised) They stop at the nursery, and the camera pans on a baby. His father is looking at him lovingly, and the camera pans back on Sydney's forlorn expression. Jack looks at Sydney awkwardly, then reaches into his pocket. JACK: I have something for you. SYDNEY: What? He hands her a little wrapped gift and she looks surprised. SYDNEY: A gift? JACK: Technically, no (she starts pulling at the ribbon), it's already yours. I'm just... returning it. She opens it, all the while sharing a smile on his face. It's a little rattler. JACK: Your mother and I bought it when you were born. You wouldn't let it out of your sight 'til you're almost three. Reminds me of the time when I could keep you safe. (Sydney is full of gratitude, then of sadness) SYDNEY: It's beautiful, Dad, thank you. Scene cuts to APO. Marshall is doing some soldering work. Grace walks in. GRACE: You wanted to see me? MARSHALL: Oh, yeah, hey! Agent Grace! (he puts the soldering pen down and then takes his protective glasses on) Listen, I was doing some housekeeping: logging aliases, uh, safe house authorisation, family contacts. You know. The sucky part of my job. (Grace cracks a little smile) And I came across... a mistake in your file so I contacted Langley, turns out I don't have a proper clearance to my own job. GRACE: What did you find? MARSHALL: Marriage certificate from 7 years ago. Listen, if it supports just an outdated alias I probably ought to resend it sooner or later... you know. GRACE: (shaking his head a little) It's not a mistake. I was married. MARSHALL: Really. I'm sorry, I never heard you mention that. GRACE: For three years. Didn't work out. MARSHALL: Totally understand that. I mean, it's a - it's a struggle to - GRACE: (curtly) Hey do me a favour. Next time you have a question about my personal life, why don't you call me before Langley? MARSHALL: (stupefied) Absolutely. I - I'm really sorry. His computer starts beeping. MARSHALL: Uh oh. Camera pans to the computer screen: Breached apx: Currenttime }{ - 0400 hours Documents Compromised: Agnet Mortality Logs Contact Protocol Database Audio Field Journals Biometries logs and tables >> additional undetermined docs. Perpetrator identified as [pf21] Prophet Five ... GRACE: I'll get Jack. (He walks away.) Cuts to APO briefing room. Jack is standing up while Sydney, Dixon, Grace, Marshall and Rachel sits around the table. JACK: Four hours ago an agency facility storing closed matters was breached. (He presses on a button and the screen displays Peyton) Security cameras identifies the perpetrator as an operative of Prophet Five. RACHEL: Kelly Peyton. DIXON: Do we know what she took? JACK: Among the archives, were files of all our agents killed in the line of duty. Their contact protocols, audio field journals biometric read-outs (Sydney *looks* at him) SYDNEY: They were Vaughn's files, weren't they? (He looks at her) You were going to have to say it eventually. JACK: (nods) Yes, that's right. Sydney looks at him then looks away. DIXON: Why would they want Vaughn's files? JACK: Isn't clear at the moment, which leaves us in a vulnerable position. SLOANE: Vaughn's investigations of Prophet Five were off-the-books; it's unlikely he kept those records on CIA files. JACK: I've tasked Tom and Marshall on disabling all of Vaughn's official protocols. (he looks at Dixon) I'll like you to locate any of his old contacts to ensue a warning. Sloane will oversee Rachel in analysing the remainder of the intel. SYDNEY: Me? (She looks on, earnest) JACK: Though I would prefer to keep you close by, I know that's not an option. (There's a hint of a smile as he talks to Sydney. She gives him a "Well, what can you do about me?" look) Given her intimate knowledge of Prophet Five and her association with Vaughn, you should meet with Renee Rienne (Sydney nods) and see if she has any idea of what they may be looking for. SYDNEY: Yup, okay. (She collects the files and starts to leave. The others follow suit.) The camera pans to Sloane for a moment before moving back to Jack. JACK: Sydney. (She stops in front of him) You should know, when it comes to Vaughn... I take it quite personally. She nods. SYDNEY: I know, dad. JACK: We're gonna fix this. It's the expression of eternal gratitude again. She walks away abruptly, and the camera focuses on Jack... It's almost as if he has got something up his sleeves... Cut to some technician's place. It's Peyton's office. On someone's screen there are Vaughn's photos (the one the other man from Welcome to Liberty Village superimposed on the diver's suit). Peyton strides across the office. PEYTON: (to a group of people) Anything? WOMAN: Listen to this. (Peyton walks to her cubicle) PEYTON: The location? WOMAN: Not quite. But I think Vaughn shared it with Sydney Bristow. Peyton puts on the earphones. VAUGHN ON RECORDING: And I met this afternoon to discuss the protocol for her SD-6 counter-missions. I briefed Agent Bristow on the full scope of the operation. How far it reaches. PEYTON: Go back. VAUGHN ON RECORDING: I briefed Agent Bristow on the full scope of their operation. How far it reaches. WOMAN: She knows where it is. Cuts to DeSantis. DESANTIS (on the phone): And you're certain Agent Vaughn communicated this intelligence to her? Cuts to Peyton. PEYTON: Yes, according to his own CIA report. (she has a pleased look on her face) but it was several years ago. There's no guarantee Sydney will remember. DESANTIS: (over the phone) That's of no concern. (Cuts to him) An associate of mine will be able to refresh her memory. I'll forward you the contact protocols of Doctor Gonsalo Boris. He is going to ask for a lot of money. Tell him I will pay half. Have him waiting for me at the Athena facility. PEYTON: Then, you're suggesting that we abduct Sydney Bristow. (over the phone) Which you realise might compromise our larger agenda. DESANTIS: We've been searching for more than 30 years and this is the closest we've come to retrieving Horizon. (over the phone) If Sydney Bristow can tell us where it is, we must act immediately. It's a chance we have to take. Peyton switches off the call connection. MA[D]RID Ext. The busy streets of Madrid. The camera pans to a park, and a group of giggling school girls walk past Sydney, who is sitting on a bench. She looks around. Renee arrives. SYDNEY: Hello Renee. RENEE: You look beautiful. Sydney looks down at her stomach. SYDNEY: Doctor says it's my last week to fly. RENEE: (sits down beside Sydney) Which means this is a special visit. SYDNEY: Prophet Five is targeting some of Vaughn's CIA files. I need to know, did he make a record of your investigation? RENEE: No. It was all in our heads. (Sydney looks a little disappointed) SYDNEY: Then was there anything that Vaughn was working on, or - or any leads, or contacts that might be of value to Prophet Five now? RENEE: What's in the files? SYDNEY: Presumably everything he's worked on: SD-6, The Covenant, The Alliance... RENEE: Then, no. It's impossible. All he worked on SD-6 ...(Sydney notices two goons coming towards them) SYDNEY: (cuts in) Where did you park? RENEE: I walked. Why? SYDNEY: Let's move. (They get up and walk quickly) RENEE: There's a police station at the corner, you'll be safe. SYDNEY: Just take it easy, it might be nothing (re: Renee reaching into her pocket to take out her knives) The two goons get their guns out. RENEE: Go. Renee turns swiftly and throws her knives like daggers into their hearts and they stumble and fall. Sydney walks in front and screeching tires are heard. She is stopped by a van and two men clothed in black gets hold of her and injects her with a tranquilliser. She is rendered unconscious. RENEE: (shouts) Sydney! She sees two black vans driving away and takes out her gun, running after one of the vans. She shoots at the driver, and blood splatters up the windscreen. The van crashes into a car, then she takes out another gun (how many weapons does this woman keep in her pockets anyway?) and starts shooting at the storage space. She opens it and sees Desantis. RENEE: You... Where are they taking her? (he doesn't answer, so she shouts) Where are they taking her? CUT TO BLACK DOCTOR: I just sedated her with a drug (?) cocktail which should take full effects within minutes. (it looks like he is speaking to whoever is behind the one way mirror) It's a chemical process of forced hypnosis which will effectively numb the body but leaves the mind partially lucid, allowing me to access any (camera pans to Sydney) part of her memory you'd like. He walks to his desk again. DOCTOR: Which means, it's now time to tell me what it is you're looking for. DISTORTED VOICE: First I'd like some prove that this technique would work. DOCTOR: Of course. He fiddles with some buttons on the machine that Sydney is hooked up on, then faces Sydney. DOCTOR: Tell me your name. Sydney doesn't respond, and the doc tasers Sydney on her chin. She reacts physically. DOCTOR: Tell me your name... SYDNEY: Sydney Bristow. DOCTOR: That's it, girl. Sydney, I want you to remember Michael Vaughn... He uses the taser on her, this time on her forehead, and she reacts physically again. DOCTOR: Find him. Sydney is now struggling with her tears and trying her hardest not to cry. DOCTOR: Find him and remember the time when you were both happy... A time that was meaningful... Go back, Sydney... Find him... Sydney seems to be resisting, yet the scene transits to flashes of Vaughn in the plane (Search and Rescue) SYDNEY: (whisper) Vaughn... [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Sydney on the plane. She looks at her safety guard and a weird look is on her face; she adjusts the guard. Vaughn comes forward and sits next to her, just like it was in Search and Rescue. VAUGHN: I had it all planned out. (Cut to Sydney's bewildered face) SYDNEY: Vaughn...? VAUGHN: No, just, please; let me do this. SYDNEY: Do what? VAUGHN: I was going to take you to the beach, Santa Barbara, go for a walk, maybe; maybe during a sunset. But now, now we're here, and I have no idea (cut to Sydney who is still feeling extremely confused) what we're about to jump into. He reaches into his pocket and fishes the ring box out, opening it for Sydney. VAUGHN: I don't know if I'll get another chance to do this. SYDNEY: But, Vaughn, we already did this. (She shows him her ring on her finger) VAUGHN: (frowning) I don't understand. SYDNEY: (as if a light dawns upon her...) I think I do. The people you were looking for. The people behind Prophet Five. I think they're holding me. (she looks around conspicuously) VAUGHN: How do you know about Prophet Five? SYDNEY: You told me and they shot you. VAUGHN: What, they shot me? No, I'm here. SYDNEY: I know... They injected me with something, they hypnotised me... Trying to get something out of my head. VAUGHN: What? SYDNEY: I don't know... But I think they're trying to use (camera cuts to hypnotised Sydney) you against me. DOCTOR: Stay with Vaughn, Sydney. Remember the love you feel for him. He uses the taser again, and the scene cuts back on the plane. She looks around. SYDNEY: I should go. VAUGHN: No. I don't wanna be without you. SYDNEY: I know... I miss you. Vaughn notices the lack of a ring on her finger. VAUGHN: Look. (She looks at her finger) Sydney Bristow, will you marry me? SYDNEY: I - I don't know what I'm supposed to say... VAUGHN: You're supposed to say 'yes'. She smiles genuinely. SYDNEY: Yes. (Cuts to hypnotised Sydney) I wanna marry you. DOCTOR: Ok, we've got it. Now perhaps you should tell me what we're looking for. [APO] DIXON: There's a call for you on the overseas line. They're following out contact protocol, but I don't recognize the voice. Jack picks up the phone. JACK: This is the director. Cut to Renee. Desantis is tied to a chair in the background, his chest heaving in his painful attempts to breathe. RENEE: Is this Sydney Bristow's father? Scene cut. At the APO briefing table. JACK: Prophet Five has Sydney. She was last seen in a black van heading west away from the Salamanca quarter. Rachel, access Madrid's surveillance infrastructure. RACHEL: Okay. She walks out. JACK: Marshall, monitor all movement through local port and airspace. MARSHALL: What's the timeline? JACK: She was abducted 40 minutes ago. MARSHALL: Well they could be out of the sea limits in 20! JACK: Then MOVE! MARSHALL: All right. He walks out, too. JACK: We're assuming Sydney's captor is connected to something that Prophet Five found in Vaughn's files. GRACE: I'll reassess it with that in mind. Grace walks away as well. Sloane and Dixon are the only ones left with Jack. JACK: Dr. Aldo Desantis was present at the ambush, which implies they may intend to use Sydney for a medical procedure. SLOANE: My God, the baby. JACK: Renee Rienne has Desantis in custody. I'm gonna join her and assist with the interrogation. DIXON: Do you want me to come with you? JACK: No I need you to run operations until I return. DIXON: I'll secure a flight to Spain for you. Dixon leaves. SLOANE: Where do you need me? JACK: You sure you have no means left by which to contact Prophet Five? SLOANE: Jack, I told you that Gordon Dean was my only resource. With him dead, I have nothing. JACK: Ok. Then use your underworld contacts. The news of a federal agent in captivity may have made the rounds. See if they know anything. SLOANE: I'll get right on it. Jack walks away, and off Sloane's face, the scene cuts to him talking on his cell phone on a rooftop SLOANE: This is Arvin Sloane. I'd like to speak to Mr. Ehrmann. (v.o.): Mr. Ehrmann is not available. SLOANE: This is an urgent matter. I need to speak to him. (v.o.): You're not playing by the rules, Mr. Sloane, remember, we contact you. SLOANE: A pregnant woman's life is at stake. Someone very dear to me. (v.o.): The only woman you can save is lying in a hospital bed. May I suggest you pick your battles, sir. SLOANE: (slightly desperate) Please! (v.o.) Goodbye Mr. Sloane. The other party hangs up, and Sloane flips his phone in dejection. Cut to a dark alleyway and then to Jack, knocking on a door. Renee opens, checks if anybody is behind him, and lets him in. RENEE: Jack? Do you have anything? JACK: Satellites lost her at the city limits. Desantis is strapped to a chair. RENEE: If we don't get him to a hospital he's gonna die. JACK: Has he given us anything? RENEE: Won't talk. I pulled this from his jacket. It's got dates. Addresses. They walk towards him. DESANTIS: So this is how you do it. Bringing a man in a suit to scare me into talking? JACK: You're right. The suit shouldn't scare you. What should scare you is that I'm a very concerned father. Jack whips out a small knife, walks towards Desantis menacingly... and in one swift motion, he slices Desantis' ear off. Desantis yowls in pain. Cut to hypnotised Sydney. DOCTOR: I'm gonna continue the regressive process, attaching her to a memory of Vaughn then taking her back through time until you get your answer. (He tasers Sydney) Sydney, I want you to remember the last time you were with Vaughn. Think of the comfort you feel when you're with him. Live there, in your memories. He uses the taser Sydney again and we cut to Vaughn lying in his hospital bed, right before he died Sydney sits next to his bed. SYDNEY: Vaughn? (she touches his face) Vaughn! He gets out of slumber and she smiles slightly at him. VAUGHN: Sorry, I guess I drifted off there. Hey, we should think about more names for the baby. SYDNEY: There will be plenty of time for that. VAUGHN: I know. What do you think about Oscar? SYDNEY: What if we have a girl? VAUGHN: I meant for a girl. (small laugh) I wish she were here already. I wanna meet her. SYDNEY: You will. VAUGHN: I know. Doctor guy enters, and places the cup of water on the sidetable. DOC GUY: Are you comfortable? VAUGHN: No. DOC GUY: When he feels ready, make sure he drinks it slow. Don't overdo, just a sip at a time. I'll be back soon. SYDNEY: Thank you. VAUGHN: Can I? I'm thirsty. She picks up the drink, about to give it to him when she realises... SYDNEY: I gave you this and then you crashed. Vaughn, I can't. VAUGHN: Syd, shhh! They can hear us. Come closer. (Syd leans in) You said it yourself. They're using me against you. The only way to defeat them, I need to go away. SYDNEY: (trying to control her tears) I don't care. I don't wanna say goodbye to you again. VAUGHN: I know. I know. It's ok. I need to go away. We'll find each other. Cut to the prison in North Korea SYDNEY: (in a continuation to Vaughn's previous words) We always find each other VAUGHN: Syd? SYDNEY: The baby kicked. VAUGHN: Really? What's it feel like? SYDNEY: Here. (she places Vaughn's hand on her stomach) VAUGHN: I don't feel anything. SYDNEY: Wait! ...there! VAUGHN: No I don't.... THAT? There are enormous grins on their faces. SYDNEY: Yeah. Cut to DOCTOR tasering Sydney again DOCTOR: Very good, Sydney. I want you to stay with Vaughn. Cut back to North Korea SYDNEY: Don't ever leave me. VAUGHN: Never. The guards come in. SYDNEY: Where are they taking us? VAUGHN: Nowhere good. Vaughn gets up and starts fighting the guards, walking outside... and disappears into thin air. Sydney hears Vaughn's voice coming from a radio one of the guards dropped. VAUGHN: Syd! SYDNEY: Vaughn? DOCTOR (on the radio thing): Don't let him go! Cut to DOCTOR: DOCTOR: I want you to stay with Vaughn, Sydney! He tasers her again. Cut to North Korea, Syd picks up the radio and hears Vaughn's voice again: VAUGHN: Sydney can you hear me? SYDNEY: Vaughn, where are you? VAUGHN: I...I'm losing... go to Che.... SYDNEY: Vaughn? Vaughn! DOCTOR (on the radio thing): Don't let him leave you, Sydney! Cut to Sydney's place, back where the episode started. Sydney hears the doctor on her radio. DOCTOR: Where is Vaughn? She fills the kettle again, taking it to the stove and examining the teabag. Vaughn comes back in with the groceries. VAUGHN: Back! Cut to Sydney in the torture chair. SYDNEY: What took you so long? DOCTOR: (pleased) They're back together. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Jack interrogating Desantis JACK: Tell me where they have my daughter. DESANTIS: I'll tell you nothing. JACK: You've been shot. You're lucky you survived the blood loss, though I am prepared to draw this out to the last second, make it as painful as it needs to be, until you tell me where she is. DESANTIS: Where she is does not matter. Your concern should be where she is going. RENEE: Jack! I found a repeating address in the calendar. JACK: Christina Crue 37E. That's in Hungary. RENEE: He had it marked three times in the last four months and once on this date. Three weeks from now. (Jack looks over at Desantis) Jack, what is it? JACK: That's Sydney's due date. Give me your gun. She hands it to him, and he walks to Desantis: he points the gun to his neck JACK: Tell me what is going to happen on Christina Crue 37E. DESANTIS: You'll never know. JACK: Is Sydney being held there? DESANTIS: (chuckles) Oh, of course not. JACK: You're lying. DESANTIS: Very well. Maybe I am lying. JACK: What's. There? DESANTIS: You can't do anything to be now. I'm quite prepared to die. Jack loosens his grip on Desantis' head, walks to Renee and hands her her gun. JACK: See if he means it. As he walks away, Renee walks towards Desantis - the splitting image of her father... JACK: (voiceover) Dixon, it's Jack. (scene cuts to him) I need you to prepare transport to Hungary. Behind him, Renee fires two shots. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Sydney. Think back to a comforting time. The place you were the first time you realise that Vaughn really cared for you. SCENE CUTS TO: Pier, night. The exact replica of the famous scene in 1x04, A Broken Heart. The carousel is at the background. Sydney looks at Vaughn, who is looking beyond the ocean, possibly enjoying the zephyr breeze. VAUGHN: I forgot how beautiful it is. The ocean. They share a smile. SYDNEY: Yeah. We should've come here more often. Her phone rings, and she fishes it out from her bag, bringing it to her ear. DOCTOR: (on the phone) Draw me a map. How far it reaches. She looks shocked, then throws it into the Pacific. The phone makes a splash. Vaughn looks at her. SYDNEY: They're pushing me closer. VAUGHN: What do they want? SYDNEY: I don't know.. Something about a map. VAUGHN: A map? Her phone rings again... DOCTOR: (on the phone) Listen to me. Draw me a map. How far it reaches... She throws it into the Pacific again. VAUGHN: (a small laugh) You just threw your phone into the Pacific. Twice. SYDNEY: (she laughs) I know. They grin... She looks pleased with herself.... The mood shifts suddenly, a heavy weight in the air. VAUGHN: Listen to me. You've got to let me go. SYDNEY: (blinks back tears) I can't. VAUGHN: You have to. SYDNEY: I can't, Vaughn... I can't stand it. Being here without you... VAUGHN: Sydney... SYDNEY: I feel like I'm losing my mind! I do. (she takes a deep breath) I don't even know who I am anymore, what I'm doing, or why I'm doing it... VAUGHN: Okay, stop. You remember the last time we were here? Your contact has just been killed in Morocco and your world was collapsing around you and I told you that even in the middle of all these darkness you could not allow it to swallow you. SYDNEY: You gave me strength. VAUGHN: Yeah... but the truth is, the truth has always been you are the one who has kept the darkness from overtaking me. You can do this. I know you can do this. I've seen you do this time and time again! Sydney's on the verge of tears. VAUGHN: I gotta go. And you are gonna take these guys down. Okay? He touches her face... she is reluctant, but lets him leave; her view of his retreating back getting smaller and smaller. DOCTOR: (voiceover) She's fighting the process. I want you to stay with Vaughn, Sydney. He uses the taser on her... She reacts, then the scene cuts to the warehouse. Specifically, the scene is the lie detector scene from 1x08: Time Will Tell. VAUGHN: If you don't say goodbye to me, they win. SYDNEY: I can't do it on my own. VAUGHN: I'm not here. This isn't real. None of this is real. He places his hand on her face again... SYDNEY: It's real to me. That's all that matters. VAUGHN: No. Don't say that. That's what they want you to say. SYDNEY: But do you know what I want? I want the world to forget about us. I'm tired, Vaughn. I'm tired of having this weight on my shoulder. I - I don't want to be the one who has to save the world. I want you back. I want you all to myself. I want to go away, just you and me and our baby; somewhere no one can bother us, on a deserted island. (pause) I want out. Scene cuts to hypnotised Sydney SYDNEY: I don't care if they win, Vaughn. I don't care. I just want you to stay with me. DOCTOR: That's it. He turns to the one way mirror. DOCTOR: We got her. DISTORTED VOICE: Excellent. Now I want the map of SD-6. Scene cuts to the blood mobile... Specifically the scene 1x02: And So It Begins. SYDNEY: I want no more of these spy crap, I just (she sniffles) ... That's why I went to you in the first place. So just listen to me... And I will give you in record time the names of people who will render SD-6 useless. VAUGHN: Record time? SYDNEY: Two months, tops, and then I'm out. I walk. Note: While she said these lines like they were in And So It Begins, her face tells an entirely different story as her eyes were filled with tears and she struggles to keep them back. VAUGHN: Draw me a map of SD-6. And all its allies. How far you think it reaches. Draw me a family tree of SD-6 and how deep it goes. (She looks at him) Just do it! Sydney draws it on a piece of paper... Pushes it towards him. It's the same map she drew. Vaughn stands up and takes the larger map down. He unrolls it. VAUGHN: This is what you're in the middle of. This isn't about cutting off the arm of the monster. This is about killing the monster. Scene cuts to the doctor. DOCTOR: Focus on the map. VAUGHN: The upper right corner. What do you see? DOCTOR: There's a name... What is it? VAUGHN: Tell me what it is. She doesn't want to... Looking up to Vaughn with glassy eyes, only to be met by his slight smile... Scene cuts to her hypnotised. SYDNEY: X23 - Norte. DOCTOR: Well done... Scene cuts to Vaughn... who assumes the voice of the doctor. VAUGHN: Well done. SYDNEY: (hypnotised) (whispering) Vaughn... DISTORTED VOICE: Thank you doctor. Then, in the way we all love Alias... The captor's face is revealed: It's Irina. She talks to Peyton. IRINA: I'll let my sources know we got the location of The Horizon. I'll be back in a few days. Until then, keep her comfortable. Scene cuts to hypnotised Sydney. Cut to a beautiful tropical beach. Vaughn is waiting in a white suit and Sydney is walking in his direction. SYDNEY : Do you hear that? VAUGHN : I didn't hear anything. SYDNEY : I know. It's great, isn't it? (Sydney catches the left hand of Vaughn) I wish we could stay here like this forever. VAUGHN : There's nothing I want more. They're gonna figure it out, Syd. Sooner or later, they're gonna know you gave'em the wrong name. And when they do, I can't be here. They'll keep using me against you. They won't stop until they get what they want. I have to go. SYDNEY : I know. VAUGHN : We'll find each other. We always find each other. They kiss on this beautiful beach. Cut to hypnotised Sydney, who seems more confident. In Hungary, Jack and Renee are in a black car in front of the building where Sydney is presumably held. JACK: Unit three is on the third floor. RENEE: The lease expired 16 years ago. JACK: Nevertheless. In the laboratory, with the chemicals wearing off, Sydney opens her eyes and finds Peyton unstrapping her. Syd stabs Peyton with the drug and escapes. In Hungary, Jack and Renee, weapons in the hands climb a stair. Meanwhile, still groggy, Sydney finds her way around narrow corridors... Renee and Jack find a room with an empty nursery. No trace of Sydney! JACK : Good Lord. Sydney opens a last metallic door, and watches a helicopter flying away. After walking down a red stair, she discovers that she's on a ship at sea.

Sydney is abducted in Madrid. Her interrogators use memories of Vaughn to probe her mind for the secret of The Horizon - an element of an SD-6 organizational chart she saw only once. Jack traces a contact to a nursery set up in an otherwise empty building. Sydney flees her interrogation chamber to find that she is on a freighter out at sea. Irina, currently alone and resting in the Philippines, is revealed to be the person behind Sydney's abduction and interrogation.

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_03x11

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_03x11_0

[September 2007 - The appartment] Lily and Marshall (laughing): Oh my god! Ted (gets out of his bedroom): I have a tattoo! Barney: oh, that's not a tattoo. That, dear boy, is a tramp stamp! Ted: a tramp stamp?! [Title: present day -in a tatto remote clinic] Narrator: kids, too often in life, we make decisions that we're not prepared to live with. (a man with a tattoo "rex&evelyn forever" cries) This is a story about those decisions, and the consequences that follow. (Ted is in the clinic, hidden derriere a newspaper) [the appartment - Ted/Marshall/Barney] Ted: Say goodbye, kids, 'cause it won't be around much longer. (He shows his tattoo) Lily: oh, but Ted, if you get rid of the butterfly, how's everyone gonna know you're a stripper fron reno with daddy issues? Ted: yes, yes, enjoy these final moments of mockery because in just ten surprisingly expensive sessions, Stella is gonna zap that butterfly right off the face of my lower back. Lily: Stella? Ted: Dr Stella Zinman. She's the best in the business. And she's rather cute in fact. In fact... we're going to a movie together tonight. Barney: what? Ted: I asked her out. All: Ted, why would you do that? Barney: what's matter with you? Ted: What? What do you mean? Barney: Dude... don't poop where you eat. Ted: oh, no, this doesn't count. Marshall: If it's someone you see on a regular basis, and you can't avoid them... Lily: and in this case, you're paying them... then yes, it counts. Barney: You've heard of the golden rule, right? "love their neighbor?" Ted: uh, actually, it's "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." It's from the bible. Barney: Damn it Ted, i've worked out this whole thing where the golden rule is "love thy neighbor", ok?... Now the golden rule is "love thy neigbor". But, there's one rule above it: the platinum rule: "never ever, ever, ever, love thy neighbor." Ted: Well, that's cute. But she's not my neighbor, she's my doctor. So if you'll excuse me... Robin: Wait, Ted, Barney has a point. Remember what happened with me and curt down at the station? Marshall: Oh, yeah, and remember what happened with us and the gerards across the hall? Barney: Need i remind you about me and Wendy the waitress? Ted (combs his hair): yeah, i don't have time for this. I'm out the door as soon as i'm finished with my hair. Barney: good, then we've got a solid half hour. And in that time, we will convince you not to set foot out that door. It's a story older than time, my friend, and it always plays out in the same eight steps. Step 1: Attraction. [TITLE: ATTRACTION - November 2005- The bar- Barney/Robin/Lily/Marshall/Ted/Wendy the waitress] Barney: It's true. Marshall: That's not even possible. Barney: 12 of them. Marshall: There's no way. Wendy: Here's your gin and tonic. Barney: Thanks. wendy: O gosh! Look at that. (She leaves scrubing a stain in her shirt, Barney starves at her with interest) [December 2006 -The hall- Lily/Marshall - They gets out of their apartment] A man: Oh, hey! You must be our new neighbors. I'm Michael. A women: and i'm laura. Marshall: Oh, hi, welcome to the building. Yeah. Laura: Do you guys know any good brunch places around here? Lily: We love brunch! [October 2007 - set of Metro news 1 -Robin/a host] The host: You must be Robin. Robin: yeah! The host: Curt "the iron man" irons. I'm gonna be doing sports. Robin: Oh, welcome. You look really familiar. Are you a former athlete? Curt: Hockey. Barney (off voice): The attraction is instant and undeniable. [Present- The apartment] Barney: But you know better. You've seen your friends make the same mistakes before. You've laughed smugly at them.(laughs) Idiots! But still, you think, "this is different. The platinum rule doesn't apply to me." And that step 2! Bargaining. [TITLE: BARGAINING- 2007- The bar- All] Robin: I think i've got a little crush on our sports guy. All: NO! no, no, don't do it! Robin: I know, i know but he used to play hockey, and i'm canadian. I can't help it. If he were missing some teeth, i probably would have already hit that. Lily: Robin, it's a mistake. Remember what happened with me and Marshall? The Gerards across the hall? [2006- The bar- All] Lily: Michael and LAura. They're awesome. We're gonna invite them over for dinner. The others: Oh no, no guys guys! Are you insane? Ted: This is NYC.You don't get close to the neighbors. You nod at them politely in the hall. You call the cops if you haven't seen them in a while and you smell something funny, and that is it. Lily: we're not gonna date them. We're just gonna be friends with them. Barney: That's the couples version of dating. Robin: And you've got the couples version of the hots for them. Oh, yeah, you want to browse at pottery barn with them. You want to go antiquing with them, don't you? Oh, yeah, you want to antique the crap out of them. Barney: Need i remind you what happened with me and Wendy the waitress? [2005- The bar- All] Barney: I've decided to seduce Wendy the waitress. The others: No! Don't do it! Barney: Request denied! What rule is there that say's i can't seduce the waitress at my favorite bar? Lily: I don't know. I'd expect you to have one already. Robin: Yeah, with some sort of catchy name. Barney: Well, i don't. I don't have one and i never will be because it's a great idea. Come on, guys! She's gullible. I'm bored. We're perfect for each other. Ted: Barney, we love this bar. If you screxw over Wendy the waitress, you're going to kill the bar. Robin: Bar killer. Marshall: Don't kill the bar, dude. Barney: yeah, well... I think it'll be okay. [2006- The bar- All] Barney (to Marshall and Lily): And it was a huge mistake. Marshall: yeah, well, i think it'll be okay. [2007- The bar] Lily (to Robin): And it was a huge mistake. Robin: yeah, well... I think it'll be okay. [Present day- The apartment] Robin: And it was a huge mistake. Ted: yeah, well... I think it'll be okay. [How i met your mother - Credits] Barney: Ted, trust me. You don't want to do this. Ted: Look, Stella and i are adults; we're both smart, mature people capable of making good decisions. Robin: You have a butterfly tramp stamp. Ted: We're just seeing a movie. If it seems at all weird, i'll back off. Barney: That's what everyone thinks and then along comes step 3: Submission. [TITLE: SUBMISSION- Closing of the bar- Barney/Wendy the waitress] Barney: Good night! Wendy: Hey Barney! Carl had to take off. You mind giving me a hand? Barney: Not at all. [Set of metro news 1- Robin/Curt] Curt: Robin! I got 2 tickets to the rangers. Center ice. Want to go? [The hall of the appartment- Marshall/Lily/Laura&Michael] Laura: and then we discover the movers lost all our kitchen boxes. We don't have a single pot or pan. Michael: Guess we're ordering take-out. Lily: Want to have dinner with us tonight? [Barney kisses Wendy/ Robin and Curt are in the hockey match/ Lily&Marshall cook with Laura&Michael/ Barney and wendy have s*x on the bar/ The 2 couples play mime/ Robin kisses Curt] [Barney and Wendy, just after they had s*x] Wendy: That was an intersting use of the beverage gun. Barney: Club soda can get anything off. Wendy: It finally happened, all this time, every drink i brought you... I always felt there was this unspoken connection between us. And i was right! Barney: hey, can i get a gin and tonic? [Present day- the apartment] Ted: See, i bet you didn't pay for that gin and tonic. Barney: oh, i paid for it. Ted: But you got to admit, there is an upside to breaking the platinum rule. Like maybe as her boyfrien, i could get a discount on treatments. Barney: Oh, Ted, of course there's an upside. At first, that's step 4: Perks. [TITLE: PERKS- 2007 The bar] Robin: we can split a cab to work together. We always have a standing lunch date. And last night, at the hockey game, Curt got us into the locker room, and i met Mason Raymond. Left wing for the Vancouver canucks. Barney: What the opposite of name-dropping? Robin: Damn it you guys, be psyched. Yes, we see each other every day, but i think it's going really well. Lily: That's what we thought. [2006 - The bar] Lily: And it's so conveniant. They're right across the hall. Say it's sunday and we want to have a brunch double date with someone. Marshall: We just go across the hall. Lily: And say we want to have a dinner party exploring the wine and cuisine of France's Loire Valley. Marshall: We just go across the hall. Lily: Say we want to play a game of charades... (Marshall mimes something) Barney (guessing): you just go across the hall? (Marshall agreed) Lily: Come on people, get excited for us! We've got a great thing going here. Barney: That's what i thought. [2005 - The bar] Marshall: Dude, you got to flick it. Barney: you don't have... (Wendy the waitress comes and serves food to Barney) Wendy: Hi, sweetie. I had the kitchen whip these up, no charge. (They kiss) Okay. Bye. I mean, not bye. I'm not leaving. I'll be over there. okay. (She leaves) Barney: Come on, guys, free nachos. What? Ted: We like this bar. Marshall: Don't kill the bar, dude. Ted: Barney, we love this bar. Marshall: Don't kill the bar, dude. Ted: This bar is like home to us. Marshall(at the same time): Don't kill the bar. Lily: You're killing the bar. Barney: I'm not killing the bar. Wendy the waitress has seen how i operate in this place. It is perfectly clear to everyone involved that this is nothing more than a temporary fling. (Wendy starves him, lovely) It's fiiine. [2006 - The bar] Barney (to Lily and Marshall): But it wasn't. Marshall: It's fine. [2007 -The bar] Lily (to Robin): But it wasn't. Robin: It's fine. [Present day -the appartment] Robin: But it wasn't. Barney: Which brings us to step 5: THE TIPPING POINT. [SCENE_BREAK] [TITLE: THE TIPPING POINT- set of metro news 1- Curt/Robin] Curt:...but he should be back on the mound by spring training and that's sport. Back to you, Robin. Robin: Thanks iron man we'll be right back. Productor: and clear. Robin: So you want to do something later? Curt: Oh, so you're talking to me now? Robin: What are you talking about? Curt: I'm talking about last night. You said you'd call and you didn't. I missed you and i waited up, but you didn't call. That really hurts. Robin: oh, um, i'm sorry, i-i guess i just forgot. Curt: I'm sorry Sweetie. I don't want to fight tonight. It's our first weekiversary. (he hugs her) [2005- The bar- Barney/Ted/Marshall] Marshall: on my suggestion, you... (Barney looks at a girl) Barney: hey, Wendy, uh, do me a favor and send a glass of champagne to that pretty young girl over there. Wendy: What? (Ted and Marshall starve Barney, anxious) Barney: over there... YOU... you're the pretty young thing...is what i meant. Champagne? Would you? on me. Wendy: Oh, okay, thanks sweetie. (She kisses him) Barney: okay. All right. [2006- The apartment- Lily/Marshall- They want to go out, lily opens the door] Michael: hey, neighbors. Laura: We bought all the fixings for a mexican fiesta. Lily: um, well, we actually have tickets... Michael: and no fiesta would be complete without Marshall: Dude, actually, we made other plans, so... okay (Michael mimes) one word. 2 syllables. Sounds like... parades: charades. Michael: charades! Laura: What do you say? [3 plans on the same time: Curts hugs Robin on the set/ Lily&Marshall sit down the couch, looking the couple mime/ Barney and Wendy at the bar] All: Oh no! [Present day- The apartment] Barney: which brings to step 6. Ted: Yeah, listen i'm leaving so if you want to write the rest of these down, i will read it tomorrow. (Ted wants to go out, Barney stops him) Barney: Don't do this Ted. Ted: You want to get out of the way? Ted: Don't do this Ted. Don't (He brushes his hair in a mess) Ted: Dude! ya! It was perfect! You're such a jerk! Barney: Which brings us to step 6. You finally realize you've made a huge mistake and now you have to live with it. Step 6 is called purg... wait for it. Keep waiting. Keep waiting for the eternity only to dicover there's no escap-atory. [TITLE: PURGATORY - 2007 - The bar- All] Robin: God, i'm such an idiot. Marshall: yeah. Robin: Curt "the iron man" irons keeps leaving me love notes on post-its. On the teleprompter, on my desk, on the coffee-maker, on the jar of sugar packets next to the coffee-maker. Lily (reads a post-it): "here's some sugar for my sugar." Robin: The iron man. oh! Marshall: I remember that. [2006- The bar- All] Marshall: Ro! we are such idiots! Barney: Yeah! Lily: Every time we step out the door, they're out there waiting for us. Sometimes, we'll send Ted out first as a scout. Nobody's there. Then we'll go out one second later, and there they are. Marshall: It's freakin' supernatural. Are they ghosts? Can only we see them? Lily: "Hey neighbor!" "Hey, neighbor""Hey neighbor." Barney: I remember that. [2005 -The bar- All] Barney: How could you guys let me date Wendy the waitress? All: oh you are kidding me?! What?! Marshall: Don't kill the bar dude! Lily (same time): We said "don't do it!" Barney: tss (He looks at a girl but Wendy is right behind, she smiles, he looks desperate) My own bar. I can't hit on women in my own bar. Remember the old Barney? He was a lion, the king of the jungle, stalking whatever prey he chose, going in for the kill. Ted: You've got a whole meat locker at home full of corpses, don't you? Barney: Now look at me. Declawed. Neutered. What was once my jungle is now my zoo and i am forced to mate with the same old lioness again, and again, and again while families pay to watch. Ted: yeah, this metaphor's really falling apart. Barney: Put a bell around my neck and scratch my belly kids, for i am just a docile housecat now. Miaou! Lily: Well, we love this bar. You can't dump her. Marry her if you have to. Robin: Wendy the waitress hyphen Stinson. Marshall: don't kill the bar dude. [Present day- The apartment] Barney: And so, inevitably, you have to do the thing you've been dreading all along. Now, a relationship-ectomy is a delicate surgery as it is, but in the case of the platinum rule, it takes a very, very steady hand, and that's step 7: CONFRONTATION. [TITLE: CONFRONTATION- set of metro news 1] Robin: Curt, we need to talk. I like you... [The hall- Lily/Marshall/the couple] Marshall: guys, we like you a lot... [The bar -Barney/Wendy] Barney: I don't like you. Robin: We're pretending this works, but it doesn't. And i'm getting a little sick of the whole charade. Lily: We're getting a little sick of charades. Barney: I mean, i don't like you that way. I used to like you that way but now that i've seen everything there is to see, i don't know, i kind of want to see those same parts just on other girls. Robin: So maybe we could go back to just being coworkers. Marshall: Maybe we should just go back to being neighbors. Barney: other girls and you, if you're into that but the other girls have to be there, too. That's the important part. Wendy: Gosh, you're just terrified of ever getting close to anyone, aren't you? Barney: or that. Let's say it's that. So can i get a gin and tonic? [Present day] Barney: And in any other relationship, that would be it. End of story. But because you have to see this person again, there's a step 8: FALLOUT. [TITLE: FALLOUT- set of metro news one] Robin: And now, here's Curt "the iron man" irons with sports. Curt? (he's demoralized) Curt? Curt: Well, the Knicks lost. It's sad, really. They had a real shot. Then, out of nowhere, game over. And why? Why Robin? Robin: Uh, well, their perimeter shooting has been a little bit off this season... Curt: The knicks lost because they were afraid of getting hurt. So they didn't even try. Well, you know what i think? I think the knicks didn't deserve my love to begin with. Kincks suck! (He gets out, on tears) Robin: And that's sports. [camera looks inside the boudha of the apartment] Lily: Do you see anything? Marshall: I think we're clear. Lily: ok go go go. (They go out but the door of the Gerards opens, they gets in quickly) Marshall: That was close. Lily: Too close. (Someone knocks on the door) You've got to be kidding me. What do we do? Marshall: I have no idea. (it knocks again) Ted: guys, are you here? I forgot my keys. Can you open up? Lily: It's just Ted! Marshall: Wait! (He looks at the judha: Ted is alone) Ted: Hello? Guys? (Marshall looks again and see the Gerards go out their apartment) Marshall: Baby, we only have one choice. Lily: Okay, hurry! (They come down to the rescue ladder) Michael and Laura are probably... Laura: Hey, neighbors. [The bar] Wendy: Barney, i just want you to know, i have no hard feelings. It wasn't the best idea for us to get involved. I hope we can still be friends. Barney: Thanks Wendy. Of course we can. Wendy: If you need anything else, let me know. Ted: waouh. I've got to hand it to Wendy the waitress that was very mature of her. Barney: She's gonna try to kill me. This is poisoned. Ted: What? You're being ridiculous. Barney: Yours is poisoned too. She's trying to kill me and everyone close to me. Ted: What are you talking about? Barney: Ted! Look at the facts. I dump her and she says "no hard feelings". She's a psycho! What other explanation is there? Ted: Uh, that you're letting yourself believe she's crazy so you don't have to face the far more likely possibility that she doesn't want to date you either? Barney: Where did Marshall get that hamburger? Ted: I don't know, i guess Wendy the Waitress brought it to him. Barney (in slow motion, comes towards Marshall): Noooooooo! (He throws his hamburger away) Marshall: Dude. Barney: You're welcome. [Present day] Robin: Wait a second. You've been sitting here, pretending to be the expert on all this, but the truth is, this was no real fallout from your breakup at all? Barney: Yet. Robin: You're an idiot. Ted: All right, i'm taking off. Barney: What? Ted: I have a date. (Barney brushes Ted's hair in a mess) Ted: You're such a jerk! Barney: Ted, have you not been listening? Attraction, bargaining, submission, perks, tipping point, purgatory, confrontation, fallout! These things will all happen to you as surely as they happened to all of us! It's a rule of nature. Ted: Well, i'm sick of all the rules! There's too many of them! The hot/crazy scale, the lemon law, the platinum rule! If everyone in the world followed every one of your rules, the human race would cease to exist. Yes chances are to Stella and I are not going to live happily ever after the overwhelming odds have it ending badly. And when that happens, it'll be for one of a million possible reasons. But that doesn't mean i'm not gonna try. And when it does fail, so help me god, it's not gonna be because of some rule. (He watches himself in th mirror) PS: you just made my hair look awesome. Good night. (He leaves) Narrator: So Stella and i went on our date. But here's the funny thing: turns out, it wasn't actually a date. [TITLE: 3 hours later- The apartment- All] Marshall: So what do you mean "it wasn't a date"? Ted: She thought we were seeing a movie just as friends. Marshall: Why would she think that? Robin: Did she see your tattoo and assume you were gay? Ted: Apparently, there's a rule that says i can't date Stella. Barney: Exactly, the platinum rule. Stella reads my blog. Ted: No, this rule comes from the american medical association. Doctors aren't legally allowed to date their patients. Lily: Oh, sorry Ted. Ted: It's okay. What are you guys watching? Narrator: So that was the end of the story between me and Stella, at least for the time being. But i don't know, looking back on the platinum rule, i think there's a ninth step. We'll call it coexistence. It's the moment you realize that all that anger and resentment just isn't useful. [Set metro news one] Robin: Thanks for watching. Curt: Good night. Narrator: and you start to let go of it. [The hall] Marshall&Lily (to Michael&Laura): Hey guys! Lily: So what do you guys have going on tonight? Laura: We're going to have a few friends over. Michael: gonna play some charades. Marshall: Have fun. Narrator: And move on with your life. [The bar- All] Narrator: It just takes a while. (Wendy comes to the table and offers a drink to Barney): On the house. Barney: Thanks. (She leaves and he throws the drink) Crazy! END.

When the gang finds out that Ted is taking his doctor on a date, they try to convince him, through examples of their own toxic experiences, why it's never a good idea to get into a relationship with someone you see on a regular basis.

fd_High_Maintenance_04x01

fd_High_Maintenance_04x01_0

Chick: It's not all kitchen scraps. It is one-third kitchen scraps. It is two-thirds browns, which are leaves, hay, straw, sawdust. But, you know, we're low on browns 'cause folks don't bring us browns. So who's our browns guy? Chick: Well, we get donations from the woodshop, but, you know, we're always in need of browns. All right. Let's see what we can do about it. Chick: We used to have a compost guru. - Ernie. - Oh yeah? He set this whole operation up. He educated all the gardeners, on greens, on browns, ratios, you know, all of that. And then, there was one Sunday and he was... He was comin' in and he was carrying these coffee grounds from the café across the street, and he stopped right there. Right there. And we just all said, "What's the matter, Ernie? What's the matter?" And, uh, he didn't say anything. He just looked at us with his bug eyes and then he just keeled over and died. Oh my God, that's so sad. Yeah. But you know what? He was very excited about being compost when he died, and he got his wish. - So that's nice. Yeah. - The Guy: Yeah, that's nice. - I didn't know you could do that with your remains. - Oh yeah. But he's not in this compost, is he? Oh. He's all over the garden! You're joking, right? Yeah. Yeah. I'm joking. - Okay. - Mm-hmm. I'm jokin'! - Funny. - (phone chimes) And so it begins. All right, Chick. I gotta go see a man about, um... - Chick: A horse? - Sellin' him some weed. - Oh. You're welcome. - Uh... Thank you, Chick. Is this your dog? Oh my gosh. Oh, you're a very sweet dog, aren't you? Oh, you're one of those. (laughs) I know your type. All right, well. Listen, I'm gonna go, okay? See you around. Whoa, hey! Dude. Hey! What are you doin', dude? That's not safe. Hey. Why are you following me? [♪♪] Dude, why are you following me? - (barks) - (laughs): What are you doin'? [♪♪] (sighs) All right. (dog barks) You're the most presuming dog that a human could know. Come on, get out of the street. You're f*ckin' crazy. Ira Glass: How is she planning to? Nancy: ...including the composting, whatever sound that makes. Like, I don't know if we'd wanna watch her die, but the conflict with the family, that's a story, like... Have we done something like recycling, but in like a broad sense? - Ira: Recycling as a metaphor. - As a show. Emanuele Berry: Well, like, what about actual recycling stuff? Like, do you guys know about the recycling in this building? - Wait. They don't recycle the recycling? - Nancy: There is none. No. I thought that was true. - There just isn't recycling. - It's sorted downstairs. - It's not! - (laughing) Sean Cole: We think we're recycling and we're not recycling. We're living a lie. We are all... Nancy: You're the only one who still thought that there was recycling. - Elna Baker: No, I didn't know that. - I've known this for a while. - I thought we all knew that? - Elna: I didn't know that. I thought we all knew that, but I do like that some people don't know. It feels like telling them that Father Christmas is, like, not real. Ira: Which is the one thing you can't say on the radio. You can't say that Santa isn't real on the radio, we run across this every Christmas. Sean: Warnings before a Santa-is-not-real set. Well, screw that then! Elna: Wait. What if we did a "It's Not Real" show? - Yeah. - Yeah. Okay, so there's this test that's a BDSM test, like a kink test, uh, and I took it, and I found out I'm a rope bunny. - (laughing) - Oh, God. You said that like it's a thing! (laughing) Zoe: What is a rope bunny? It's somebody who likes to be tied up during s*x. Zoe: I feel like that's like a lot of women. - Lily: It's like a personal... - Bim Adewunmi: You see? (laughing) But then anyway, it turns out none of it's real. Like the BDSM community... Wait, wait, wait. But I just wanna understand. You're saying you took a test. It told you you're a rope bunny. Now you find out the test is not real. So are you not a rope bunny? Um... I don't wanna... I don't know why I'm any saying any of this. (laughing) Ira: I'm going back to recycling. Okay, can I just pitch recycling. What about like, like, recycling a relationship? Like somebody who comes back to a relationship. I don't know what that's like at all. - Ira: Do you have that story? - Sean: No, I'm not getting... Well, my, my, uh... My parents lied to me about getting divorced. - Ira: Wait. Seriously? - Yara: Yeah, yeah. Um... When I was 17, my mom and dad, they got legally divorced, but they didn't want to tell me until after I graduated high school, so... they pretended to stay married. But wait. They still lived together? Yara: Yeah, they still lived together, and they pretended to stay together. Anyways, at my graduation, when I got my diploma, and I was walking back to my chair, I look up to my parents, and they're sitting in the bleachers and, uh, they're not looking at me, they're fighting. You know, I don't even know if they saw me graduate. And, uh, all of a sudden I see my dad, he storms off away from my mom, and he goes up to the top of the bleachers. He says that he must've leaned against a railing that was loose because, uh, he ended up falling on to the cement, 30 feet. - Ira: What?! - Yara: Yeah, and he lived! He lived. He lived. Um, and my mom, who I felt like had completely given up on my dad, uh, she made the choice to nurse him back to recovery. - And, uh... and they remarried. - Woman: Oh wow, that's crazy. - Ira: Wait. That made them fall in love again? - Yeah. Yeah. - No! - Wow. - It had a happy ending. - Woman: Yeah. - I like a happy ending. - Aw. Ira: Would they talk about it like on tape? - Do you think they would tell the story? - Yeah. - Sure, yeah. - Ira: Sold. Movin' on. Yara: Yeah, Dad, this is really exciting. It's a really big deal for me. It's my first story on the radio. Yara's Dad (over phone): Oh, what is it? Well, I wanna tell the story about when you fell off the bleachers. Yara's Dad: I don't think that's a good idea. Yara: Dad doesn't wanna talk. He asks me to talk to Mom before talking to him, which leads me to believe that Mom has some information that I don't. - Maybe there's some... - Woman: We have to go! - (couple arguing) - Just, I... Stop! Stop. I really like the happy ending, period. So is this a story about how vulnerability opens us up to love, question mark. Or is it about accepting, accepting people warts and all? - (keyboard clacking) - (Yara muttering) Mami, it's a really beautiful story. Yara's Mom (over phone): That's a very painful time of my life, mija, and I don't wanna go there. Listen, I'm happy for you - but I like my privacy and respect that, okay? -(door buzzes) Yara: Please, can you just think about it? Yara's Mom (over phone): The answer is no. I'm sorry. All right. I gotta go, I gotta go. He's here. Yara's Mom: Okay. Give Owen a kiss for me. - Have fun. - Okay. Bye. - Hi, Smoothie! - Hey, Smoothie. - How was your flight? - Good. - Ah. Thank you for these. - Yeah. - They're like five bucks a pop out here. - Oh, my God. - Your place is really coming together. - Yara: Thanks, Smoothie. Oh, my God, I gotta tell you the coolest thing happened at work today. Oh, hey. Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary, Smoothie. - (Owen moaning) - Yara: Okay. Aah. (bed squeaking) Owen (panting): All right. - (Yara sighs) - Owen: Woo. (sighs) Oh, I think my mom regrets remarrying my dad. What makes you say that? Something she said on the phone. You need anything, Smoothie? Nah, I'm good, Smoothie. - How are we gonna celebrate tonight, dinner? - Sure. I don't want to get dressed up though. I'm fine with whatever you want. Uh... you want to just get stoned and order in? Sounds very romantic. Cool. I'll text him. Honestly, I didn't even like the, the prequel. But I'm saying, if you're gonna, like, do that franchise, you should probably f*ckin' step it up. [♪♪] You're kind of heavy. You know that? Whew! How are you back there? Comfy? This is Bushwick. [♪♪] (both howling) - Yara: Are you finished yet? - Owen: So many questions. "I enjoy feeling like a prey hunted by a predator"? What the f*ck is that? - Yara: (laughs) It's a thing. Don't knock it. - I don't get it. Uh, I think I'm done. - Uh, I am... - Yara: I can't wait for this. ...99 percent vanilla. - Mm-hmm. - Ninety-five percent daddy-mommy? - Yara: Okay, Daddy. - (both laugh) And 95 percent rope bunny. Elna got rope bunny too. - What about you? - (door buzzes) A hundred percent hunter-prey. - Owen: Really? - Mm-hmm. - Hello? - The Guy (over intercom): Hi. I got a dog with me, but she's nice. Is it okay? Oh yeah, sure! Bring her in. That's fine. - Owen: Really? - What? It's just a dog. This is why I go to dispensaries. - (dog barks) - Both: Hey. Oh, sorry about that. - Hey. Relax. - (dog barks) Yara: Hi. No, it's okay. Hi baby! What happened to her eye? The Guy: I don't know. She just started following me, - and then, uh... I don't know, I got Annie'd. - Yara: Aw. I got same old... indica, sativa, cartridges, edibles, all of which you like. I want a dog so bad. - Since when do you want a dog? - Yara: Since always! I've seriously been thinking about it. Owen: Yeah, but you work all the time, and this place is way too small for a dog. Oh, wait, you think I'd be a bad dog owner? No. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that it's a cute dog and now you're having pet FOMO. - Fear of Missing Ohho. - (Owen laughs) - You like that? - Owen: Yeah, that's a good one. - The Guy: It's a terrible joke. - (Yara laughs) Um, do you have any, like, beef jerky or anything like that? I mean, it's highly processed. I don't think, like, - it's good for a dog. - Right. Right. Cool. Cool. Cool. - Owen: Right. - Cool, cool, cool... Okay, a hundred and twenty. Owen: I know I'm terrible at gifts, but I think this time, I... - nailed it. - (Yara chuckles) - Happy anniversary. Yep. - Mm-hmm. - Hey, I'll be the judge of that. - Yeah? I saw it and it totally reminded me of you, so. What's wrong? What? (laughs) What's wrong? - Oops. - Oh... (laughs) Is this why it reminded you of me? You're f*cking kidding me? (both laughing) Actually, it's a really funny story. I'm sorry. Well, I'll take care of it. - What? - I'll take care of it. Take care of it... f*ck. - f*ck. Hold on. - What? No, I'm-I'm sorry. I'm just having like a... like a stoner moment. Um... Okay. Can I, can I tell you? - Uh... - Owen: Yeah. All right. So my-my mom... she didn't have a choice, she had to take care of my dad because she's a woman, and she's supposed to be a caretaker. And if she didn't do it, then he would have been pissed at her, and then I would have been pissed at her too, and everyone would have been pissed at her. I mean, everyone may have been pissed for like a little bit, but... No, no, no, no. Still... Listen. It makes total sense. If I take care of you, then no one will be mad at me. I'm... I mean, that's... I don't think that's how it is anymore, though... Owen, come on, please. That's how it is for women. You don't know how it is. Yeah. But, I mean, you and your mom are like... two totally different people. It's different times and... Yeah, but I was literally conditioned, my whole life, to believe that my purpose was to nurture and support a husband. And the only way that I could justify not doing that was by... working really hard and making something really important. And so, I became this workaholic. And I'm pretty much the same as my mom then. Like, like, I have to... I have to do something so that people will love me. No, I mean, you don't have to do anything for anyone to love you. I love you, Smoothie. Well, yeah, I know. I know, and that is totally on purpose like... God, you are... You are nothing like... I mean, you don't even need me to take care of you, like... You're literally in nursing school, you're a natural caretaker. And your-your ambitions... Your ambitions are smaller. Like I genuinely believe that you're the only person in my life who is a man who will not take away my purpose. God, and that is so great. That is... that is so good for me because it's safe. (keyboard clacking) Owen: Ouch. Why ouch? What are you talking about? I mean, you just said my main selling point is that... (laughs) that I'm not ambitious. - And, you know, I can... - Wait. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. First of all, you're the one that said you didn't want to be a doctor. - And then, I can just take care of you. - Yara: I was just quoting you. But I work my ass off, so... Yeah, I know, we both work our asses off. What I'm saying is that you're not like my dad and that's a good thing. It's not a codependent relationship. (sighs) It's not about being your dad or not being your dad. It's the fact that you just said that like I'm-I'm nothing... Are you f*cking kidding me with the mic? - You're f*cking recording this? - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You just laid out on me and then this is what I get? I'm sorry. I'm stoned. I'll turn it off. Well, yeah. You're definitely f*cked up. (scoffs) Can I ask you some questions or... - does it go one way? - No. Sure. Of course. What did you get me for our anniversary? Yeah. Happy anniversary, Smoothie. (microphone clatters) (door slams) - (banging on door) - Come on, Leyla. It's been 20 minutes. Let's go! - Um, I called it after her. - I gotta be at work by 10:00. - It's 9:45 right now. - What? Arnold: Bah-gock! Where's Kyra? Bah-cock-a-doodle-doo! You can have custody when you buy more than one set of sheets for your home! Man (over phone): You don't know what's going on with my body anymore, Kyra. I've been looking all over this farm for Kyra! Is that you? Bah-gock! (in the melody of "Old MacDonald Had a Farm"): ♪ It's your birthday, here we go ♪ ♪ I heard you're 49 ♪ ♪ No one's getting younger now ♪ ♪ You're runnin' out of time ♪ ♪ With a hemorrhoid here and a bad back there ♪ ♪ Better get yourself better medical care ♪ ♪ Old Miss Kyra's 49 and runnin' out of time! ♪ (laughter and cheering) Man (over phone): What the f*ck is going on over there? So fun. So colorful. - Great face. - Thank you. Honestly, thank you. Honestly, I work for tips. Oh... okay. - Well, let me go see about that. - Yes. Thank you. Chicken's got a full day. Excuse me. Can I use your restroom? Mm-hmm. Arnold (mutters): f*ck. [SCENE_BREAK] - (elevator dings) - Automated Voice: Doors opening. Open to enter. - Woman: Hi. - Man: Hello. Automated Voice: Doors closing. Doors opening. Open to enter. [♪♪] (screaming) This isn't a changing room. Sir, people f*ck in here! Okay? I'm just trying to get ready for work! Get off my dick! [♪♪] ♪ I'm a trouble alone, one ♪ ♪ I'm trouble to you, two... ♪ (gasps) You scared me. These balloons aren't sized well. You're trying to sabotage me! Where's Barbara? I see you. ♪ Happy birthday to you... ♪ Stop filming me. (wailing) - I'm a baby! - (crowd laughing) ♪ When I sing "my darling spinning top..." ♪ ♪ Kids all say they love you, Happy anniversary ♪ - Yee-haw! Come on now, give me a tip! - (laughing) Or at least let me change my pants! Man: I see you with that lasso! ♪ How sweet, my chubby little Twinkie ♪ ♪ This dog looks like a Twinkie ♪ ♪ You have a backpack full of Twinkie ♪ ♪ My doggy backpack full of Twinkie ♪ - ♪ My chubby one-eyed doggy ♪ -(dog howls) See you later, man. - Zack? - No. (to the melody of "Bingo"): ♪ Your girlfriend knows that you're a dog ♪ ♪ And cheated like a lame-o ♪ ♪ It's time to go ♪ ♪ 'Cause you're a ho ♪ ♪ She threw your sh1t out the window ♪ ♪ 'Cause you're a f*cking bozo ♪ (howls) Now how about a tip? Wow, man. You got a whole thing going on. Yeah. Come on, tip me. I'm not Zack. I'm sorry. Why would you let me get through the entire song? I was into it, man. You got somethin'! Zack! ♪ Your girlfriend knows that you're a dog... ♪ You don't have to sing. You don't have to sing. Come on, Jane paid for the song. Well, I heard it so, thank you, I guess. Listen, man. I don't get paid if I don't sing. - So just let me get... - Sorry, am I supposed to worry about you? - f*ck you! - You know what? Jane was right. You're a f*cking bozo! I understand why that mix-up happened now. Hey, man. You were good. Here... Here. (to the melody of "Bingo): ♪ There was a man on Instagram ♪ ♪ Who was suffering from FOMO ♪ ♪ FOMO ♪ You thirsty, baby? Let's have some drink! (cell phone chiming) Hello? Yes, yes. That was me. Uh, thank you so much for calling me... Okay. Wow. Um, is there a family? Okay, well, thank you for calling. Okay. Bye. [♪♪] (cooing) (whispers): f*ck! [♪♪] Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Come on! Kids' daisy chain? There are nine million people in New York! - (balloon pops) - (car alarm honking) Arnold: Oh, no. sh1t! (car alarm continuing) - Arnold: Bathroom? - You've gotta buy something. Yeah, doi! I'm gonna buy something! f*ck. (panting rhythmically) (up-tempo dance music playing) (sighs) (exhales sharply) [♪♪] (shouts) (grunts) [♪♪] (grunts) [♪♪] (music tempo slows) (grunts) - Ah! - (music continuing) (laughs) [♪♪] - Yeah. - (music fades) - (water splashes) - Oh my God! (chuckles) Wow. - (sighs) - (phone chimes) Oh, that sounds fun. (Arnold sighs) I'd give it a minute. Thank you so much. And sorry about earlier. I had to poop. I've been there. - What would you like? - What do you like? - The blondies are amazing. - I'll take one of those. And a latte, with four shots of espresso. You got it. Owen: Are you f*ckin' kidding me with the mic? You're f*ckin' recording this? Yara: Oh I'm-I'm sorry. I'm stoned. I'll turn it off. Owen: Yeah, you're definitely f*cked up! Can I ask you some questions? Or does it go one way? Yara: No. Sure. Of course. Owen: What did you get me for our anniversary? Yeah. Happy anniversary, Smoothie. (microphone clatters) (sighs, murmurs) Chana Joffe-Walt: Yara, are you okay? Yara: Um... We're not talking. - (murmurs) - David Kestenbaum: I'm sorry. All right. Wanna go around? Susan? Susan Burton: I mean, it's really different than the story you pitched. I mean, it's not really about your parents anymore, you know? - (all agreeing) - Ira: What happened... What happened to the idea of you getting your parents on tape talking about this? Well, I... I tried to talk to my mom but, um... she didn't wanna talk, she didn't wanna do it. And so, Owen and I started talking about it on tape. And, um... Yeah, it led to this. David: I'm trying to think how it works without your parents. Like maybe it could go in like a wrong-ending show or something? Chana: You seem like you're being very genuine and expecting a response from him that is different than the one he gives, and it feels surprising when it happens, when he says ouch, but, yeah, I feel like we'd need more setup to understand what that moment means. Robyn Semien: Do you think she could write it though? Like what if she just wrote through all of the story of what her parents did. Chana: Maybe, but you would write about your parents though. I think you'd have to write about your parents' story. I couldn't like... I didn't actually understand what was going on. But I think it's kind of amazing that... like, sorry... It's kind of amazing to hear a breakup unfold in real time, in this accidental way, and that to me felt like, oh, that's special tape. But because I was so lost at the beginning, the fact that it turns and suddenly you're fighting. I'm like, I'm still trying to catch up to the first conversation. Ira: Yeah, I have the same feeling. I just think it's one of those things where a big important thing happened, you have this dramatic moment on tape, but I just think it's not gonna work as a radio piece. And I'm sorry. Yeah, okay. - It's okay... - Hey, I'm looking for Yara. - Arnold: Yara? - (laughing): Yo! What? Um... Yara, I have a singing telegram from Owen. (all exclaiming) Oh, my God. ♪ You know the bed feels colder ♪ ♪ Being here alone ♪ ♪ I still have dreams of us older ♪ ♪ Doing anything we want ♪ ♪ You think you got the best of me ♪ ♪ You think I gave you my best parts ♪ ♪ And you think everything good is gone ♪ ♪ Thought you seen me broken down ♪ ♪ Thought that I'd come running back ♪ ♪ Smoothie, you know me ♪ ♪ That's what this is ♪ (laughter) (Arnold vocalizing) ♪ 'Cause what doesn't kill us makes us stronger ♪ ♪ Be a little kinder ♪ ♪ Help each other be better than on our own ♪ ♪ I love to see you be inspired ♪ ♪ Rub your feet when you are tired ♪ ♪ To me you are the feeling of being home ♪ ♪ I love you as you are-a ♪ ♪ You're Yara ♪ ♪ And to me you are a star ♪ ♪ Let's stay together, Smoothie ♪ ♪ Stay home and watch a movie ♪ ♪ Or tie me up like a rope bunny ♪ ♪ I love you as you are-a ♪ ♪ You're Yara! ♪ (cheering and applause) - Arnold: Look who's here! - Elna: Wait. Is he here? - Woman: Oh. - Elna: Oh, my God, that's him. Ira: Is that the boyfriend? All: Aw! Ira: So when you came to New York, what did you think you were going to be doing? Arnold: Not this. I moved here with my BFA, and I just wanted to perform, and this is one of the jobs where you get to perform. I don't have the privilege of not working. - This is what I do. - I don't know. Like, how often is it good? (sighs) You know. I'll say this: Every day is different, every day is hard, but it has its moments. Ira: The way I think of Arnold's job is like the weirdest recycling job ever. Taking these songs, changing them around a little, and performing them in a setting they were not made for. Repurposing them for this audience that usually does not want them. Honestly it's hard to imagine a tougher room, a more hostile crowd than the one that Arnold faces, day in and day out. Good girl. Ira: But he shows up with these unwanted songs, - and he is not embraced. - (dog howls) It's like he's disposable. Until finally, not very often, the true love that lives inside those old songs finds a home. - This is FOMO. - Hi, FOMO. She'll be hanging out with us this summer. That makes me happy. (grunting): Yeah. There you go. - Hey, what are you doin'? - I'm doin' a little... - Come on! Come on, come on! - All right, all right. Thank you so much. Thank you. - Oh dang! Got it! - You weren't kiddin' around. - (grunts) - Got it. Ira: And God knows I have to say that lots of stories that we do here on the radio, is only by diving into the darkest feelings, the worst moments a person possibly goes through... that we get to anything worth hearing. And what makes it kinda beautiful and it's a little corny, but it's true, is how random it is. So often it's just like this random moment, you know? You see something on the curb that nobody wanted. You realize like, oh, that can be mine, like that is mine now. Like this moment of random greatness pops into your day that was otherwise monumental garbage. That's our show today: People going deep into the trash, hoping to pull out something good. From WBEZ Chicago, it's This American Life. I'm Ira Glass. Stay with us. (breathes deeply) Man: Perfect. Do it again? ("Sans Cesse, Mon Cheri" by Domenique Dumont playing) [♪♪] (woman singing in French)

The Guy finds a lost canine. A new reporter at This American Life, Yara pitches a story about her parents' marriage and inadvertently strains her own relationship when her boyfriend Owen visits for their anniversary weekend. A singing telegram in a bad mood looks for some relief while crisscrossing the city on a crazed workday.

fd_Teen_Wolf_01x06

fd_Teen_Wolf_01x06_0

Scott: Damn it. Scott: Oh, crap. Scott: No. No, stop. Derek: You're dead. Scott: What - what the hell was that? Derek: Said I was gonna teach you. I didn't say when. Scott: You scared the crap out of me. Derek: Not yet. Scott: Okay, but I was fast, right? Derek: Not fast enough. Scott: But - but the car alarm thing, that was smart, right? Derek: Till your phone rang. Scott: Yeah, but that was - I mean - Would you just stop? Please? What happened the other night, Stiles' dad getting hurt, that was my fault. I should have been there to do something. I need you to teach me how to control this. Derek: Look, I am what I am because of birth. You were bitten. Teaching someone who was bitten takes time. I don't even know if I can teach you. Scott: What do I have to do? Derek: You have to get rid of distractions. You see this? This is why I caught you. You want me to teach you? Get rid of her. Scott: What, just because of her family? Wait - wait - whoa - whoa! Derek: You getting angry? That's your first lesson. You want to learn how to control this, how to shift, you do it through anger, by tapping into a primal animal rage, and you can't do that with her around. Scott: I can get angry. Derek: Not angry enough. This is the only way that I can teach you. Now, can you stay away from her? At least until after the full moon? Scott: If that's what it takes. Derek: Do you want to live? Do you want to protect your friends? Yes or no? Scott: Yes. If you can teach me, I can stay away from her. Allison: Take it off. Scott: You're okay with that? Allison: Are you okay with it? Scott: You're asking me if I'm okay with taking off your clothes? Allison: Stupid question. Scott: Like, world record stupid. Allison: You first. Allison: Just a second. Kate: Allison. Allison: Uh, coming. Coming. Okay, uh. Kate: Hey. Allison: Hey. Kate: What's up? Allison: Uh, nothing. Just doing homework, sending some emails. Kate: Emailing the boyfriend? Allison: No. I'm emailing peta about how my wing nut father gunned down an innocent mountain lion in the school parking lot. Kate: And that wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that you're grounded and you can't see Scott? Allison: I'm not gonna be one of those whining teenagers who looks at her father and says, "I hate you. I wish you were dead." Kate: But - Allison: But - I hate him and I wish he was dead. Kate: See, now you're starting to sound like a normal, angry teenager. What are you working on? Can I help? Allison: Uh, a history project, and I just want to be left alone, actually. Kate: Come on. What kind of history project? Allison: I have to come up with a report that has some relevance to my own family history. Kate: Specific to your family? Allison: Why? Do you have any ideas? Kate: Type this in: "La Bete du Gevaudan." Allison: The beast of Gevaudan. What is this? Kate: It's an old French legend that, believe it or not, has something to do with your family. Allison: "In 1766 in a province of Lozere, la Bete killed over a hundred people." Kate: Mysterious animal attacks, just like a certain town called beacon hills. Allison: So what was it? The animal? Kate: Nobody knows for sure, but I can tell you one thing. It definitely wasn't a mountain lion. What's it look like to you? Allison: It looks like - A wolf. Scott: Derek? I - I know I said I would stay away, but you broke my phone. I had to at least tell her why I wasn't answering. Derek? Scott: You seriously need to stop doing that. Derek: So what happened? Did he talk to you? Scott: Yeah. We had a nice conversation about the weather. No, he didn't talk. Derek: Well, did you get anything off of him? An impression. Scott: What do you mean? Derek: Remember your other senses are heightened. Communication doesn't have to be spoken. What kind of feeling did you get from him? Scott: Anger. Derek: Focused on you? Scott: No, not - not me. But it was definitely anger. I could feel it. Especially when he drew the spiral. Derek: Wait, the what? What'd you just say? Scott: He drew this spiral on the window of my car, in the condensation, you know? What? You have this look like you know what it means. Derek: No, it's - it's nothing. Scott: Wait - wait - wait - wait a second. You can't do that. You can't ask me to trust you and then just keep things to yourself. Derek: Doesn't mean anything. Scott: You buried your sister under a spiral. What does it mean? Derek: You don't wanna know. Scott: Stay away from Allison. Stay away from Allison. Stay away from Allison. Stay away from Allison. Must stay away from Allison. Just stay away from Allison. Stay away from Jackson. Just stay away from Jackson. Lydia: Hey, Scott. Scott: Oh, come on! Scott: Still not talking to me? Okay, can you at least tell me if your dad's okay? It's just a bruise, right? Some soft tissue damage? Nothin' that big - You know I feel really bad about it, right? Okay. What if I told you that I'm trying to figure this whole thing out, and - That I went to Derek for help? Stiles: If I was talking to you, I'd say that you're an idiot for trusting him. But obviously I'm not talking to you. Stiles: What did he say? Stiles: Wh - he wants you to tap into your animal side and get angry? Scott: Yeah. Stiles: All right, well, correct me if I'm wrong, but every time you do that, you try to kill someone, and that someone's usually me. Scott: I know. That's what he means when he says he doesn't know if he can teach me. I have to be able to control it. Stiles: Well, how's he gonna teach you to do that? Scott: I don't know. I don't think he does either. Stiles: Okay. When are you seeing him again? Scott: He told me not to talk about it. Just act normal and get through the day. Stiles: When? Scott: He's picking me up at the animal clinic after work. Stiles: After work. All right, well, that gives me to the end of the school day then. Scott: To do what? Stiles: To teach you myself. Lydia: The what of who? Allison: The beast of Gevaudan. Listen. "A quadruped wolf - like monster, prowling the Auvergne and south Dordogne areas of France during the year 1764 to 1767. La Bete killed over a hundred people, becoming so infamous that the King Louie the 15th sent one of his best hunters to try and kill it." Lydia: Boring. Allison: "Even the church eventually declared the monster a messenger of Satan." Lydia: Still boring. Allison: "Cryptozoologists believe it may have been a subspecies of hoofed predator, possibly a mesonychid." Lydia: "Slipping into a coma" bored. Allison: "While others believe it was a powerful sorcerer who could shape - shift into a man - eating monster." Lydia: Any of this have anything to do with your family? Allison: This. "It is believed that la Bete was finally trapped and killed by a renown hunter who claimed his wife and four children were the first to fall prey to the creature." His name was Argent. Lydia: Your ancestors killed a big wolf. So what? Allison: Not just a big wolf. Take a look at this picture. What does it look like to you? Lydia? Lydia. Lydia: It looks - like a big - wolf. See you in History. Stiles: I think the book's making it more obvious. Besides, she's reading, anyway. Scott: So did you come up with a plan yet? Stiles: I think so. Scott: Does that mean you don't hate me now? Stiles: No. But your crap has infiltrated my life, so now I have to do something about it. Plus I'm definitely a better Yoda than Derek. Scott: Okay, yeah, you teach me. Stiles: Yeah, I'll be your Yoda. Scott: Yeah, you be my Yoda. Stiles: Your Yoda I will be. I said it backwards. Scott: Yeah, I - I know. Stiles: All right, you know what? I definitely still hate you. Uh - huh. Oh, yeah. Allison: Scott. Scott, wait. Hey, Scott. Sc - Scott: This is not gonna be easy. Stiles: Okay. Now - put this on. Scott: Isn't this one of the heart rate monitors for the track team? Stiles: Yeah, I borrowed it. Scott: Stole it. Stiles: Temporarily misappropriated. Coach uses it to monitor his heart rate with his phone while he jogs, and you're gonna wear it for the rest of the day. Scott: Isn't that coach's phone? Stiles: That, I stole. Scott: Why? Stiles: All right, well, your heart rate goes up when you go wolf, right? When you're playing lacrosse, when you're with Allison, whenever you get angry. Maybe learning to control it is tied to learning to control your heart rate. Scott: Like the Incredible Hulk. Stiles: Kind of like the Incredible Hulk, yeah. Scott: No, I'm like the Incredible Hulk. Stiles: Would you shut up and put the strap on? Scott: This isn't exactly how I wanted to spend my free period. Stiles: All right. You ready? Scott: No. Stiles: Remember, don't get angry. Scott: I'm starting to think this was a really bad idea. Oh, man. Okay, that one - kind of hurt. Stiles: Quiet. Remember, you're supposed to be thinking about your heart rate, all right? About staying calm. Scott: Stay calm. Staying calm. Staying totally calm. There's no balls flying at my face - Scott: Aah! Son of a bitch! Stiles: You know what? I think my aim is actually improving. Scott: Wonder why. Stiles: Don't get angry. Scott: I'm not getting angry. Scott: Stop. Just - can we just hold - Stiles: Scott? Scott, you started to change. Scott: From anger. But it was more than that. Was like, the angrier I got, the stronger I felt. Stiles: So it is anger, then. Derek's right. Scott: I can't be around Allison. Stiles: Just because she makes you happy? Scott: No, because she makes me weak. Stiles: Alright, you stay away from her for a few days, you can do that. Scott: But is it a few days, or is it forever? Stiles: You know, this whole "women make you weak" thing is a little too spartan warrior for me. It's probably just part of the learning process. Scott: Yeah, but you've seen Derek. I mean, the guy's totally alone. What if I can, like, never be around her again? Stiles: Well, if you're not dead, that could be a good thing. Scott: Rather be dead. Stiles: All right, you're not gonna end up like Derek, all right? We'll figure it out. Scott: 'Kay. Stiles: Come on. Let's get out of here. Scott: Something smells terrible in here, anyway. Stiles: Really? In a boys' locker room? That doesn't make any sense at all. Scott: No, it's like something's rotting or dying. [SCENE_BREAK] Jackson: What are you reading? Allison: Oh, hey. Just stuff for a history project. You have a free period, or - Jackson: No, I - I just don't like sitting through Chem. Allison: Understandable. Did - did you want something? Jackson: Actually, um, yeah. I wanted to talk. I realize that I've been a jerk to you. And especially to Scott. And I wanted to say that I'm sorry. I'm serious. Allison: Okay. I - I believe you're being serious, but I'm not so sure I believe you're being sincere. Jackson: Do you know what it's like to be the best player on the team? To be the star? To have every single person at the game chanting your name? And then - some kid - Some kid just comes along, and then everyone starts looking at him instead of you. Do you know what that feels like? Allison: No, I don't. Jackson: Well, it feels like something's been - It feels like something's been stolen from you. And then you start to feel like you'd do - anything. Anything in the world to get it back. Allison: Haven't you ever learned there's no "I" in "team"? Jackson: Yeah, but there is a "me." Ha. That was a joke. Gosh. You must really, really hate me. Allison: Not at all. Jackson: You sure? Because - I'm not a bad guy. I mean, yeah, I make stupid mistakes. A lot, but - I'm not bad. I really like you. And - and Scott. I really - I really like you both, and I want you guys to like me. I want to get to know you guys better. So - what are you reading? Coach: Let's go. Sit, sit, sit, sit. We got a lot to cover today. Let's go. Quicker. Scott: Hey, Stiles, sit behind me, dude. Allison: I haven't seen you all day. Scott: Uh, yeah. I've been, uh, super busy. Allison: When are you gonna get your phone fixed? I feel like I'm totally disconnected from you. Scott: Uh, soon. Real soon. Allison: I changed lab partners, by the way. Scott: Oh. To who? Allison: To you, dummy. Scott: Me? I mean, are you sure? Allison: Yeah. This way I have an excuse to bring you home and study. You don't mind, do you? Scott: I just - I don't want to bring your grade down. Allison: Well, I mean, maybe I can bring your grade up. Come to my place tonight. 8:30? Scott: Tonight? Allison: 8:30. Coach: Let's settle down. Let's start with a quick summary of last night's reading. Greenberg, put your hand down. Everybody knows you did the reading. How about, uh - McCall. Scott: What? Coach: The reading. Scott: Last night's reading? Coach: How about, uh, the reading of the Gettysburg Address? Scott: What? Coach: That's sarcasm. You familiar with the term "sarcasm," McCall? Scott: Very. Coach: Did you do the reading or not? Scott: Uh - I think I forgot. Coach: Nice work, McCall. It's not like you're not averaging a "D" in this class. Come on, buddy. You know I can't keep you on the team if you have a "D." How about you summarize, uh, the previous night's reading? No? How about the, uh, the night before that? How about you summarize anything you've ever read - In your entire life? Scott: I - I, uh - Coach: No? A blog? How about, uh, how about, uh, the back of a cereal box? No? How about the adults only warning from your favorite website you visit every night? Anything? Thank you, McCall, thank you. Thank you, McCall! Thank you for extinguishing any last flicker of hope I have for your generation. You just blew it for everybody. Thanks. Next practice you can start with suicide runs. Unless that's too much reading. All right. Everybody else, settle down. Stiles: It's her. Scott: What do you mean? Stiles: It's Allison. Remember what you told me about the night of the full moon? You were thinking about her, right? About protecting her. Scott: Okay. Stiles: Remember the night of the first lacrosse game? You said you could hear her voice out on the field. Scott: Yeah, I did. Stiles: Well, so that's what brought you back so you could score. And then after the game in the locker room, you didn't kill her. At least not like how you were trying to kill me. She brings you back, is what I'm saying. Scott: No, no, no, but it's not always true, because literally every time I'm kissing her or - or touching her - Stiles: No, that's not the same. When you're doing that, you're just another hormonal teenager thinking about s*x, you know? You're thinking about s*x right now, aren't you? Scott: Yeah. Sorry. Stiles: That's fine. Look, back in the classroom when she was holding your hand, that was different, okay? I don't think she makes you weak. I - I think she actually gives you control. She's kind of like an anchor. Scott: You mean because I love her. Stiles: Exactly. Scott: Did I just say that? Stiles: Yes, you just said that. Scott: I love her. Stiles: That's great. Now, moving on - Scott: No, no, no, really. I think I'm totally in love with her. Stiles: And that's beautiful. Now, before you go off and write a sonnet, can we figure this out, please? Because you obviously can't be around her all the time. Scott: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. So what do I do? Stiles: I don't know. Yet. Scott: Oh, no. You're getting an idea, aren't you? Stiles: Yeah. Scott: Is this idea gonna get me in trouble? Stiles: Maybe. Scott: Is this idea gonna cause me physical pain? Stiles: Yeah, definitely. Come on. Scott: What are we doing? Stiles: You'll see. Hold on. Okay. Stand right there. Do you have your keys? Perfect. Hold 'em up like so. Now, whatever happens, just think about Allison. Try to find her voice like you did at the game. Got it? Scott: Okay. Stiles: Just - keep holding it right there. Hey, hey, hey, dude! What do you think you're doing to that truck, bro? Guy: What the hell? Stiles: Ow! My God. Wow. Stiles: Ah, come on, stay calm. Stay calm. Oh, that's not okay. Scott. Come on, buddy. Allison: Studying with a friend. Yes, that friend. We're lab partners. Harris: Stop! Hey, stop it right now. What do you idiots think you're doing? Derek: I need your help. If you can hear me, I need you to give me a sign. Blink. Raise a finger. Anything. Just - Just something to point me in the right direction, okay? Someone killed Laura. Your niece. Laura? Whoever he is, he's an Alpha now. But he's one without a pack. Which means he's not as strong. I can take him. But I have to find him first. Look, if you know something, just give me a sign. Is it one of us? Someone else make it out of the fire? Just give me anything. Blink. Raise a finger. Anything. Say something! Nurse: Let him go. You think after six years of this, yelling at him is going to get a response? Derek: Got a better method? Nurse: Patience. He'll respond if you give him the time. Derek: I don't have any more time. Scott: Excuse me, sir? Uh, I know it's detention and all, but, uh, I'm supposed to be at work, and I don't want to get fired. Scott: You knew I would heal. Stiles: Yep. Scott: So you did that to help me learn? Stiles: Yep. Scott: But partially to punish me. Stiles: Yeah. Well, that one's obvious. Scott: Dude, you're my best friend, and I can't have you being angry with me. Stiles: I'm not angry anymore. Look, you have something, Scott. Okay? Whether you want it or not, you can do things that nobody else can do. So that means you don't have a choice anymore. It means you have to do something. Scott: I know. And I will. Harris: All right, both of you, out of here. Scott: Thank you. Deaton: Scott, you're late again. I hope this isn't getting to be a habit. Can I help you? Derek: Hope so. Want to know about the animal you found with the spiral on its side? Deaton: Excuse me? What animal? Derek: Three months ago. The deer. You remember this? Deaton: Oh, yes. It's just a deer. And I didn't find it. They called me because they wanted to know if I'd ever seen anything like it. Derek: What'd you tell 'em? Deaton: I told them no. Derek: Did you hear that? Deaton: Hear what? Derek: The sound of your heartbeat rising. Deaton: Excuse me? Derek: It's the sound of you lying. Deaton: Oh, God. Derek: Are you protecting someone? Deaton: All right. The key to the drug locker is in my pocket. Derek: I don't want drugs. I want to know why you're lying. Deaton: I don't know what you're talking about. What are you doing to me? What do you want? Derek: I want to know who you are or who you're protecting. Scott: What are you doing? Deaton: Scott, get out of here! Scott: Stop! Stop! Derek: Look, when he's conscious, he can keep himself from healing, but unconscious, he can't. Scott: Are you out of your mind? What are you talking about? Derek: You want to know what the spiral means, Scott? It's our sign for a vendetta, for revenge. It means he won't stop killing until he's satisfied. Scott: You think he's the Alpha? Derek: We're about to find out. Scott: Hit him again, and then you'll see me get angry. Derek: Do you have a plan? Scott: Just give me an hour. Derek: Then what? Scott: Meet me at the school. In the parking lot. Stiles: This is a terrible idea. Scott: Yeah, I know. Stiles: But we're still gonna do it? Scott: Can you think of something better? Stiles: Well, personally I'm a fan of ignoring a problem until eventually it just goes away. Scott: Just make sure we can get inside. He's here. Where's my boss? Derek: He's in the back. Stiles: Oh, well, he looks comfortable. Derek: Wait. Hey. What are you doing? Scott: You said I was linked with the Alpha. I'm gonna see if you're right. Stiles: Okay, one question. What are you gonna do if the Alpha doesn't show up? Scott: I don't know. Stiles: And what are you gonna do if he does show up? Scott: I don't know. Stiles: Good plan. Scott: All right. You said that a wolf howls to signal his position to the rest of the pack, right? Stiles: Right, but if you bring him here, does that make you part of his pack? Scott: I hope not. Stiles: Yeah, me too. All right. All you. Derek: You've got to be kidding me. Scott: Was that okay? I mean, that was a howl, right? Stiles: I - yeah, technically. Scott: Well, what did it sound like to you? Stiles: Like a cat being choked to death, Scott. Scott: What do I do? How am I supposed to do this? Stiles: Hey, hey. Listen to me. You're calling the Alpha. All right? Be a man. Be a werewolf, not a teen wolf. Be a werewolf. Do it. Derek: I'm gonna kill both of you. What the hell was that? What are you trying to do, attract the entire state to the school? Scott: Sorry. I didn't know it would be that loud. Stiles: Yeah, it was loud. And it was AWESOME. Derek: Shut up. Stiles: Don't be such a sour wolf. Scott: What'd you do with him? Derek: What? I didn't do anything.

Scott and Stiles are on the outs after Stiles' dad gets hurt, but when Derek insists that Scott avoid Allison, Scott turns to Stiles to help him master his anger with the help of a heart monitor. Meanwhile, Jackson is feeling the effects of having been scratched and approaches Allison claiming to want to get to know her and Scott better.

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_01x14

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_01x14_0

The Kerwin house - Kitchen Toby: Last Day of school, here I come. When he enters the kitchen, he takes from Ashley the muffin she was eating. Jeff: Ash, we're going to drop you and Toby off on our way, ok? (To Kate) You ready? Kate: I'll be there in a minute. Jeff: Ok. Come on Tobs. Oh, working the muscles I see? You're going to be such a girlie boy. (As they go out the door) Come with me! Let me eat you! Ashley laughs Kate: Here's Mrs. Rehn's number, in case you need anything. Ashley: Stop worrying. Toby and I are going to be fine. You're just going overnight. Kate: I know. I'm a being a mother. Ok, so tonight...? Ashley: I know. One friend over each and no parties. I heard. Kate: Good for you for being so responsible. Degrassi - Ms. Kwan's Class Ms. Kwan: A student I'll never forget. Even after years and years of therapy. Who could that be? (Spinner gets up to get his award) Spinner: I'll never forget you either, Ms. Kwan. Ms. Kwan: Have a good break, Mr. Mason Media Immersion Mr. Simpson: Well what can I say? It's been great teaching all of you. (Emma raises her hand) Emma? Emma: We're gonna miss you too, Mr. Simpson. So, look at the screen. (Everyone crowds around) See the present icon? Click it. (When he does, we hear kids shout "Thank you Mr. Simpson" and the grade 7's heads pop up, saying great things about him) Mr. Simpson: This is incredible. Ms. Kwan's Class Ms. Kwan: This one needs no explanation. The student of all students. Drumroll please. (Jimmy does one on the desk) Ashley Kerwin. (Ashley gets up to get it) Ashley: Thanks, Ms. Kwan. Ms. Kwan: (Hugs Ashley) I'm gonna miss you. (Ashley sits back down) Ashley: Student of all students? That is so lame. Terri: I think it's sweet. (Paige sticks out her tongue, puts her finger in her mouth pretending to gag, to Hazel) Ms. Kwan: This next award is for Dave, because he puts the capital G in good student. Media Immersion Mr. Simpson is looking at what they gave him, very happy, when the bell rings. Mr. Simpson: Ok, go. Go clean out your lockers and have a great safe vacation. Liberty: Bye Mr. Simpson. Mr. Simpson: Adios. Kid: Ciao, Mr. Simpson. Mr. Simpson: Bye-bye. Hall Ashley, Paige and Terri are cleaning out their lockers. Paige: Wow, the Kerwin/Issacs prison. What's Jimmy gonna say when he finds out? Jimmy: Finds out what? (Kind of spins Ashley around) Ashley: That I can only have one friend over tonight. Paige: And she invited Terri. Not you or me. Jimmy: Oh, ok. Ashley: I thought you'd be upset. Jimmy: (With his hand in Ashley's hair) Rules are rules, right? We'll do something tomorrow. Jimmy leaves. Ashley: Ok, am I missing something here? Paige: No, just the chance to hang out w/ me + have way too much fun. Ashley: Paige, if you really want to come over, whatever. (She leaves. Paige shrugs and goes back to cleaning her locker) Hall JT: So girls, what are your plans for this very momentous eve? Emma: Girls' night at my place. Meaning no boys allowed especially boys named Sean. (He walks by as she said that) Hall (Toby and JT are being a trash can to their lockers to clean them out) Toby: Maybe she's learned that bad boys only lead to heartache. JT: And now she's looking for a good boy? One named Toby? Not likely. What you need is a new approach. (Sean walks by) Sean's approach. Hey Sean! Toby here is having the boys over tonight. To play some cards, talk girls, guy stuff. Wanna come? Sean: No. (He starts to walk away) JT: You know Emma's gonna be there. Sean: (As he turns around + stops walking) Emma? Toby: Yeah we're... JT: Having the girls over...later. Sean: Ok. (He leaves) Toby: (Pushes JT up against a locker) Are you insane? JT: After tonight's little tutoring session, Emma will be all yours. Trust me. Hall (Ashley and Terri are walking. Terri is throwing some things out as they pass trashcans) Ashley: Do you think Jimmy's reaction was weird? About tonight? Terri: No I think he was just trying to be a good boyfriend. Ashley: A good boyfriend would wanna come over no matter what. My parents are away... he should... never mind. Terri: Anyway I thought you were cooling on it. Ashley: Exactly the opposite. After you've been going out for awhile, things get deeper. Terri: Oh. Ashley: Unless he's cooling on me. Terri: I don't think that's how it is. Ashley's Paige and Hazel are outside. Ashley clears her throat to get their attention. Paige: Ok, before you go all parental on me, I forgot. Hazel and I had plans tonight. I didn't think it would be a problem. Ashley: No, it's fine. There is loud noise heard and Toby and JT come outside, all dirty from whatever it was. They are coughing. Toby wants to go back inside but JT stops him. Toby: Ash. Ashley: Ok, I know Mom + Jeff said only one friend each... JT: But nothing Ashley. It's our pleasure to share this fine evening with such lovely young ladies. (Before going inside, he winks at Paige) Paige: Did that... THING... just wink at me? Everyone laughs. Inside Ashley They are watching a scary movie wearing 3-D glasses. Hazel screams and covers her eyes when something happens. Terri: Guys I can't handle this. Paige: Do you really think the star's gonna die? Ashley: Paige, you're ruining the movie. There is a knock at the door. Paige: I didn't invite anyone else honest. Sean comes in. They all look. Ashley: Sean? What are you doing here? Sean: Toby invited me. Ashley: Toby? Little scammer. They're upstairs. (He leaves) Ok, Toby's hanging out with Sean? That's weird. Paige: Has Sean become such a total babe since that fight or what? (They laugh then all scream because of the movie) Toby's Room Toby, JT, and Sean are playing cards. JT: So Sean girls. Care to share your expertise? Sean: Wh-what? JT: You know on how you score like Sundien. Sean: I don't. JT: Come on. Girls like drool over you. Sean: I don't know. I just act like myself, I guess. Why? Who do you like? Toby: So guys we gonna play or what? Sean: Emma knows I'm here, right? JT: Yup. Sean: And she's fine with this? JT: Of course. Even more fine is this. I brought us a little party favor boys. (He takes out of a bag a drug) Toby: Aspirin. Sean: Ecstasy. Toby: E? JT, what'd... JT: Ecstasy is the love drug, right? There's a whole room of girls down there needing some love. Sean: I don't know man. This stuff's pretty intense. JT: Better be, I paid my cousin 2 weeks allowance for it. Let's split it. Sean: Ok give me the pill. (JT hands it to Sean) I'll do it. (He leaves the room) JT: What? Toby: Not a good idea. Kitchen Ashley is preparing food and drinks for her and her friends when Sean comes in. Ashley: Hey Sean. Having fun upstairs? Sean: A little too much fun. (Throws her E) Ashley: Is that...? Sean you brought drugs? Sean: Not me, JT. Ashley: JT? Toby? They're way too young to be experimenting with drugs. Sean gets an aspirin and cuts it in half with a knife. Sean: Flush it down the sink. They'll never know the difference. (He leaves) Ashley looks at the E. Toby's Room JT: Toby, come on. Wanna be a bad boy? Start acting like one. Sean: (Opens food) Bad boy? Toby: Ignore him. (Takes the aspirin) Let's just do it. JT: Sure you don't wanna join us? Sean: Yeah my social worker would kill me. JT: Ok. (Eats it) Sean: Hey wait. Chew it slowly. Gives you a better high. Kitchen Ashley picks up the E and sticks it in her apron. She picks up the food when Paige comes in the kitchen. Paige: Terri's slipping in video numero two. Sorry, but uh, this get together, is getting seriously lame. Ashley: Ok then. What do you wanna do? Paige: Invite Jimmy over. Just stop being boring and break a rule for once. Ashley: I already did. Paige: Then invite him again. Hun, you just need to live a little. 'Cause you're pretty cool when you do honest. (She leaves) Ashley sets the food down and calls Jimmy. Ashley: Jimmy come over. We'll have fun, together. (Takes the E out of her apron as she talks. After she hangs up with Jimmy, she takes the E and gags from the taste after she swallows it) Toby's Room JT: Toby, I'm floating, on a fluffy white cloud. Toby: Right. JT: Can't you feel it? How can you not feel it? Toby: I'm starting to, I think. JT puts his hands on the lava lamp and makes buzzing sounds. Sean watches it and can't believe what JT is doing) Toby: Dude, this is incredible. JT: Dude, this ecstasy. I'm feeling the love. It's time to call. Sean: Emma? (Gives JT the phone) JT: (Has the phone upside down, but flips it and then dials) Girls say hello to your destiny. Downstairs Ashley enters and steps on Hazel's hands. Hazel: OW! Ash, my hand. Ashley: Sorry. (She lays down. She watches the movie and screams really loud) Paige: Ok now I'm officially deaf. Ashley: Oh that was so scary. I bet you they heard my scream al the way in China. (They look at her weird as she laughs and then screams again) Outside Ashley's Emma, Liberty, and Manny are outside. Manny: Guys, this is gonna be great. A real party. But if my dad finds out I'm here, I'm gonna be grounded until my wedding day. Ashley comes out. Ashley: Hey you're not Jimmy and Spinner. Unless they had a s*x change. (She laughs) Liberty I didn't invite you. How did you know? Was I sending out psychic vibrations? Emma: Uh, no. JT and Toby called. Ashley: (Laughs) Yeah, one in inviting too many people. Liberty, I've wanted to tell you this for like forever. But I get you. You're like me only sorta not, you know? Liberty: Uh... Inside Ashley's Ashley: You guys look who's here: Liberty. (Ashley shuts off the movie and turns on music) Terri: Ash... When she turns on music she starts dancing with Liberty. Ashley: Get down Liberty! (She laughs as she takes off her apron and whirls it around) Terri: Ash wanted to have fun tonight. I guess she's having fun. As she dances, Ashley breaks a vase. Paige starts to laugh, but stops. [SCENE_BREAK] Toby's Room JT is spinning around on a pole when there is a knock at the door. JT opens it. Emma: Hello. (JT moves his tongue around) Toby? JT: Welcome to the Issacs Zone of Invanite Love and Harmony. Sit. Manny: Thanks, uh, for inviting us. Toby sits next to Emma. JT: (Puts his hands as if he's praying) Shalom. Downstairs Jimmy and Spinner and some friends come in. Spinner has a watermelon. Jimmy: Hey. What's going on? Ashley: (Putting her hands in the air) Hey! Spinner: This is my kind of party. Ashley: Jimmy you're here, finally. Jimmy: When did you decide to have a party? I thought your parents... Ashley: Isn't this just incredible? (Hugs him) Jimmy: Ash you're burning up. Ashley: Oh I know. So hot in here. Jimmy: Have you been drinking? Ashley: No. (Near his ear) A...B...C...D...E. Jimmy: Ecstasy? Where'd you get ecstasy? Ashley: Toby, JT. One of them. Jimmy: do you know how stupid that is? Ashley: Stop being so melodramatic. I'm having fun you can too. Jimmy: You need to drink water and lots of it. (Grabs her hand but she lets go) I can't believe you could take E. Ashley: Ok calm down Dad. Paige is right loosen up a little bit. Paige: (Whispers) Ecstasy? Jimmy: Ash what...? Ashley: I'm going upstairs to the bathroom. I'll drink some water from the toilet. (She laughs as she leaves the room. When she leaves everyone laughs except Jimmy) Toby's Room Sean enters. Sean: Emma. Emma leaves. Sean: Emma. Emma. Emma: Sean, just leave me alone. If I knew you were gonna be here I would've stayed home. Manny: I'll go find Liberty. (She goes downstairs) Sean: Emma, can we talk, please? Emma: There's nothing to talk about. Sean: Emma you're not being fair. Emma: Sean you went too far. We're over, as in finished. (She goes downstairs) Ashley comes out the bathroom. Ashley: Sean. Are you ok? (He looks at her and he is crying) You need to talk to someone. Come on. (They go into a room) Sean: This is so stupid. Ashley: I know what you're going through. Sean: How? Ashley: Ok, everyone thinks you're bad, right? Well everyone thinks I'm this perfect boring girl. (They sit down) Sean: I just thought Emma was so different. Ashley: Why? She's just like Jimmy. She only sees... Sean: What she wants to see. Ashley: Exactly! Sean, don't cry. Don't cry. (She looks at his face and then she kisses him. After she kisses him, they kiss again, laying themselves down on her bed) Downstairs Everyone else is hanging out having fun. Toby comes downstairs Toby: Hey Jimmy, have you seen Emma? Jimmy: There you are, Mr. Drug Dealer. Toby: What? Jimmy: Don't you know that E leads to harder things, like my fist? Toby: What do you care if I did E? Jimmy: 'Cause you didn't. Ashley did. And she said she got it from you. Toby: Sean switched it. Jimmy: Sean? Sean's here? Toby: Yeah, he's upstairs. Jimmy runs upstairs. While she drinks, Paige watches. Upstairs. Jimmy goes in a room but doesn't find Sean. Sean comes out of another room. Jimmy: Sean...what...? As Sean goes downstairs, Ashley comes out of the same room Sean did. Ashley: Jimmy, oh. (Jimmy looks at how her hair and clothes are messed up and goes downstairs so she follows him) Outside Toby: Emma? (He sees her sitting) There you are. Look, it was stupid of me to invite Sean. And I want you to know the only reason I did is because... (Sean comes outside and leaves. When Emma sees him, she looks sad. When Sean looks back, he sees Emma hug Toby) Inside Ashley's JT: 1...2...3... (He jumps and they catch him) Jimmy: Where's Sean? Ashley: Jimmy stop. Jimmy: Where's Sean, Spinner? Spinner: He left, like 2 minutes ago. Jimmy starts to leave but Ashley stops him. Ashley: Jimmy stop. Ok, I know you're upset, but what just happened was the most intense experience of my life. It was like this telescope and I saw me, the real me. Jimmy: Look, you don't know what you're saying. Ashley: What? Jimmy: it's not you, it's the drugs. Ashley: Oh yeah keep going Dad. Keep telling me who I am. Jimmy: Ash look... Ashley: No, this is exactly why me and Sean just...he gets me, you... Terri: Ash, stop. Ashley: Ter, I love your shirt. It's so shiny, like stars. Jimmy: I'm outta here. Ashley: What I should have done is broken up with you on your birthday like I was going to. Paige: Ash would you stop being such a hag already? Ashley: Paige you are a hag. On two fronts: your looks and your personality. (She laughs) Paige gets a mean look on her face and leaves. Ashley: Jimmy, just you don't have what Sean has and you never will. You're just not enough for me, sorry. Oh now you're upset, don't be, it's ok, it is, it's all good, it is. (As she talks she goes up to him but he pushes her away and then leaves and then everyone else does) Spinner: Nice Ash. Ashley: Guy, where are you going? Come on it's a party. Come on. Where's everyone going? Come on guys. Guys. (She dances and laughs) Come on. Downstairs - The next day Terri and Toby are cleaning when Ashley comes in the room in a bathrobe. Ashley: Hey. When did that break? Toby: While you were dancing with Liberty. When you were strung out on E. What were you thinking Ash? Ashley: What was I thinking? What were you and JT doing with it in the first place? Terri: Guys, it doesn't matter. Ashley: Was I really that bad? (They don't answer) What if I just call Jimmy? Terri: Ash, Paige won't talk to you. Do you really think Jimmy will? Ashley: I'm such an idiot. How am I ever gonna face everyone again? (There is a knock at the door. Ashley runs to the door) Jimmy? (Someone comes in and it's Spinner with a box) Spinner: here Jimmy doesn't want this stuff anymore. Ashley: Spinner how is he? Spinner: Just take it and don't call him. (He leaves) Ashley closes the door. Terri: Ash? Toby: Ok, somebody get this place cleaned up. (He goes in the other room) Ashley falls on the floor Toby: They'll be home soon. I mean come on... Ashley is crying with Terri next to her. Toby: Ash? You ok? (He goes back to where Ashley and Terri are and he goes next to her and hugs her)

With exams approaching at Degrassi, the last thing Sean wants is to repeat Grade 7 for a second time. When he doesn't finish his Media Immersions exam on time, he is convinced he has failed again. Stressed to a boiling point, Sean releases his frustrations in a violent way. Meanwhile, Spinner attempts to get sick to avoid taking his English exam, but ultimately gets help from an unlikely source.

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Lina:You're going, and that's it. Russ: Oh, my God. I got your stupid vasectomy. Isn't that enough? Lina: No. You've blown off three follow-up appointments. Russ: I don't need a follow-up visit. I know that it worked. Lina: How could you possibly know that? Russ: Because I... eyeballed it. Lina: What? Russ: My stuff. It's practically clear. Seriously, you could store contact lenses in it. Lina: I am moving on. I'm getting rid of all the baby stuff from the garage. Do you think that's easy for me? Russ: Even that bassinet? Even the bassinet. You need to move on, too. Russ: I just don't want to be told that I have meaningless semen. Lina: If you want to get anywhere near any of this... You're gonna have to take care of that. S01E06 Russ: I thought you took lessons. Frankie: I'm still scared. (Frankie whimpers) Russ: I want a refund, then. Get this on. Girl: What are you doing? Everybody can see you. Girl 2: What's the big deal? Nobody's here. (Indistinct chatter, laughter) Russ: Can I ask you something? Am I invisible? Shepard: I don't know what that means. Lina: He's been upset because some girls changed in front of him. Shepard: Say what? AJ: Boobs or beaver? Russ: That's not the point. Shepard: N-no, I-I'm gonna allow that. Russ: They didn't care what I saw. Shepard: Oh. Well, God bless you. AJ: No, no, no. I see... I see your point, here. I mean, for all she knows, you're-you're a rapist. You're a... Russ: Yeah. AJ:...sick, sexual maniac who follows her home, studies her patterns. Maybe you borrow a uniform from an old cop buddy who owes you a favor. "Is there a problem, officer?" Rag. Ether. Nightmare. Russ: Yeah, I... I think I-I was just trying to say, like, I-I want women to feel uncomfortable changing around me. Is that so much to ask? Lina: I'm uncomfortable changing in front of you. (Phone ringing) Shepard: Tammy. Mind if I...? Jess: Get it? No, please, get it. Yeah. Shepard: Hey, Tammy, what's up? Okay. Lina: Who's Tammy? Jess: Tammy is a musician that Shep has been working with. Lina: So he's getting back into the music business? Jess: I don't know. Maybe. It's just nice to see him, uh, excited. It's a nice change from his super-intense depression. And I just feel like it's so great to see him get off the couch and go to work and... Put on pants. Lina: Right. AJ: Pants are for losers. You're wearing pants right now, dude. Lina: Yeah. AJ: Not up here. Shepard: Right. No, it's on ventura. No, but come around the back. Right. And they can, they can set up whenever they get there. Yeah, we'll all be there. All right. Great. All right, buddy. See you tomorrow. Hey, just got some great musicians for Tammy's session tomorrow. It's gonna sound really, really good. Jess: Do you know that when you work, it makes me so hot? Shepard: Really? How hot? Jess: Well, let's say probably about doggy-style hot. I-I don't want to put on the knee brace. Jess: Uh-huh. 'Cause it pulls. You know, it's not... All right, doggy it is. Didi: Bowman? Russ: Hey. Didi: You have a co-pay of $550. Russ: Sounds right. Didi: You need to pay it. Russ: Totally. Didi: Today. Russ: Oh. I don't... I don't have that kind of cash on me. Didi: Oh, we take credit cards. Russ: Well, I have the cards, but... not the credit. You're going to have to pay the balance of this procedure. Russ: Yeah, I'll pay it. Just not today. Didi: Let's reschedule, then. We'll get something on the books after the payment is all squared away. Russ: All right. Have a great day. Child: My name is Albert Einstein and I was born in Germany in 1879. I developed the theory of relativity. Russ (Whispering): Look, it's not my fault, okay? We tried. It's over. Lina: Seriously? What is wrong with you? Russ: I'm invisible? Lina: Here's what you're going to do. You're gonna go back in that office, and write down that woman's name and scare the sh1t out of her. Russ: How? Tell her that your wife already sent the check and if they don't see you right away, that you're gonna stop payment on it and let it go to collections. Tell her that. Russ: You're getting pretty good at this. Lina: No, being broke makes you crafty. Russ: So then why don't you come with me and then you can do the talking. Lina: I can't. I have to take the baby stuff today. Russ: Come on. I... Don't make me go back to that cock-butcher. Father: You guys want to take this outside? Russ: I'm sorry. We're so sorry. Lina (Whispers): Sorry. Russ: Your son looks great. Lina: It's his daughter. Russ: It's your daughter. Look... she looks great. You're going back to the cock-butcher. Russ: Hey, I never got your name. Didi: Didi. Russ: Oh, great name. So, Didi, there was a mix-up before. Uh, it turns out my wife already sent the check. Really? Russ: But if I don't see the doctor right now, we're gonna cancel the payment. And then it will go to collections, Didi. And they will call us and I will be forced to mention your name. Didi. So you'd better polish your résumé. Because you'll get fired. Didi: Why would I get fired? Russ: Because they'll call. And they'll know. I don't know. I... it made sense when my wife said it. I just need to see the doctor right now, okay? Hello? Didi... please? Oh, what am I, invisible now? Doctor: Who says you're invisible? I see you standing right there, Mr. Bowman. Russ: Thank you, doctor. (Didi sighs) Lina: Bye-bye, baby sh1t. (Grunts) Hi. Whew. Lot of memories here. Employee: Okay, you just have to estimate how much this stuff cost you. Lina: Um... my youth. Every time I cough, I pee a little. Employee: I'll write down "$50." Lina: Can I ask you a question? Who gets this stuff? Employee: Regular people. People who need it. Lina: Do you think that I could meet the person who gets my stuff? I'd love to put a face with a, you know... Employee: Doesn't really work like that. (Gasps) Lina: I think I'm gonna need a minute. Shepard: She'll be here soon. Well, how long do you have the studio? Shepard: I'm... by the hour. Jess (Chuckling): Okay. Shepard: So whenever she gets here, we'll... that's when we'll go. (Phone rings) Oh, hey, could be her. And it is. Hey. What's up? Jess: Sorry. (Chuckles) Trust me, this is worth it. She's really hot. She has the talent of a much uglier girl. Shepard: That's... Well, listen, that's your call. You-you do what you guys need. Uh-huh. "Oh, that's all right. So, you feel better?" She says, "no, 'cause I've been throwing up. I've been throwing up for the last couple of days." Jess: Uh-huh. So I said, "hey, what are you, pregnant?" Guess what. Jess: No. She's pregnant? Shepard: She's pregnant. She and her boyfriend are gonna take the kid. They're gonna raise the kid in Iowa. So they're going to Iowa. Jess: That's gonna ruin her career. Shepard: What do you want me to do? Jess: Oh, my God, you know what you need to do. Shepard: No, I don't. I don't know what I need to do. Jess: Tell her to get rid of it. Shepard: The baby. Get rid of the... That's what I should tell her? Jess: Yeah, look at how happy you are. You love working with this girl. Shepard: I didn't love it. Jess: Yes, you did, and you haven't... you... Shepard: It was fun, it was fun. Jess: Oh, my God, you haven't been this happy since you left the label. All right, she's a good singer; I was trying to help her out, but it's over. Jess: No. Shepard: So that's okay. It's over. Jess: Don't just do that. Shepard: Now it's over. Jess: Tell her about Liz Phair's abortion. I don't know what you're saying now. Tell her that right before Liz Phair was, like, about to break out, she got pregnant, but then you talked about it, and you arranged for her to get an abortion, and then nine months later... (Blows raspberry) You know, she's a hit instead of a mother. (Chuckles) Shepard: That never happened. Jess: That-that... just, PJ Harvey then, if that makes more sense to you. I never met PJ Harvey, none of... Jess: She probably doesn't even know who that is, either. She'll be embarrassed to ask. Okay, what is wrong with you? These... this is crazy. Jess: Nothing is wrong with me. Shepard: There's nothing to say to her. She wants... it's her life. It's her life, so she... Jess: Tell her that having kids is gonna ruin her life. So our little baby boy is ruining your life? Jess: No, he's not ruining my... you're ruining my life. Shepard: Okay. Jess: Don't do this. I know what you're thinking, and that's, you know... Shepard: Really? What am I thinking? You need to do it, do your thing, fine. Shepard: Can I just say, a lot of the sh1t that comes out of your mouth cannot go back in. Jess: You could just get on the phone and just, like, talk to her is all I'm saying. Shepard: You know what? Jess: You could just put in the effort and do that. I'm gonna talk to her, okay. Try-try to not talk now. Do me that favor. [SCENE_BREAK] Doctor: Okay, let's see. Mm-hmm. Well, the good news is, the incision healed nicely. Everything looks perfectly boring. Russ: Boring? Boring is good. Boring is what you want. Just one thing left to do. Russ: Shots? Doctor: Semen. (Groans) (Indistinct conversations) Hey, where do I go? I got to give this... Father: One-sixth of 12. Daughter: Two. Father: Let's do two-fifths of 100. Russ: Really? Right here? Didi: Be sure to lock the door. Father: Are you asking me or are you telling me? Daughter: 21. Father: 21. Okay, one-sixth of 12. Daughter: Two. Father: Three-quarters of 100. Daughter: 75. (Sighs) (Muffled conversations) Daughter: I divide the circumference by pi, right? Father: That's right. Daughter: But then how do I get the area? Father: Okay, for the area, it's pi times 2r. See, we just multiply the diameter by pi. Russ: That's wrong. Father: What about this here? A third of 15. Daughter: Five. Oh, the hell with this. It isn't gonna work. Father: One-half of 20? Daughter: Uh, ten. Didi: You all set? Russ: No, I haven't even started. I'm having a little trouble with the, well, the materials. Didi: What kind of trouble? Russ: It's just the magazines. They're soft-core. I just, I... It's my second favorite core. Didi: Don't they have a DVD? Russ: Yeah, it's lesbians. Lesbian p0rn just makes me feel like a third wheel, you know? It's like, what do they need me for? I'm just gonna get in the way. If you have anything, you know, like, under the desk or in a box or something, with dudes and chicks, that'd be awesome, but no gang bangs, okay? No threesomes. Nothing in a moving vehicle, okay? Because I get carsick. Didi: Do you want to come back at another time and bring your own materials? Russ: Oh. All right, I got this. Excuse me, do you mind keeping it down, okay? I just, I have a... I have a meeting in there, so... Father: She has a test tomorrow. Russ: This is an important meeting. Father: Well, this is an important test. Russ: Maybe a little help, Didi? Father: Third of 15. Daughter: Five. Father: One-half of ten. Daughter: Five. (Horn honking) (Phone ringing) Lina: What's up? Russ: Hey, I need your help. Lina: They still wouldn't see you? Russ: No, I got in. I just... I need you to take me home. Lina: What? Russ: What are you wearing? Lina: Russ, no. I'm not having phone s*x with you. I'm in a thrift store. Russ: Lina, seriously, come on. The p0rn here sucks, okay? And there's some asshole in the lobby doing homework with his daughter. Lina: This is so unfair. Russ: I don't care. I just... I need you to do something, okay? I did your script, now you do mine. Lina: No, this is not a good time. I just handed over the bassinet. It's official. No more babies. Now I have to figure out my life. I'm just, I can't. Well, can we figure it out after I come? (Sighs) Lina: What do you want me to say? Russ: Well, first change your attitude. Lina (Softly): What do you want me to say? Russ: There you go. I got my shorts off. You're naked. I want you to tell me how I'm gonna enter you. Lina: Regular. No, wrong, okay? Today we do my positions. Lina: Oh, we're gonna be here all day. Russ: Just... start cowgirl, okay, and then reverse it. Lina (Weakly): Yee-haw. Russ: Lina, please, I'm in a room right off of a... lobby with people right on the other side. Lina: Okay, okay, fine. So, I push you down on the bed. Russ: Okay, good. And then I climb up on top of you... Russ: Okay. Lina:...and put you inside me. Yeah, and my hands are all over your... Lina: Oh, yeah, you're grabbing my ass. Russ:...tits, yeah. Lina: I mean my tits, yeah, that's right. Russ: Yeah, that's good. Lina: Now I'm sitting on top of you and... Oh, you're so deep. Russ: Yeah, put it inside. Lina: Oh, my God. Man: How much is this jacket? There's no sticker. Yeah, I don't work here, sorry, dude. Russ: Who was that? Lina: You don't know him. Okay, where were we? Russ: Uh, you were riding me. Lina: Okay, right, so I'm riding you. I'm riding you so hard. Russ: That's good, yeah. Lina: It feels so good, I'm digging my fingernails into your shoulders. Russ: Yeah, it feels good. Lina: Yeah, it does? Russ: Yeah. Lina: Yeah, you like that? Russ: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Lina: Okay, so now you're, you're sliding in and out of me, and... oh, I'm so wet. And you put your finger in my butt. Lina: Okay, yeah, I'm gonna do that, too. Oh, yeah. Yeah, come, baby. Come on, that's right. Russ: I want to come inside you. Lina: Okay, yeah. Russ: Yeah, I'm gonna put another baby in you... Lina: No, you're not. Russ, no! Russ: Yeah, I'm gonna make a baby. Lina: Russ, knock it off! Russ: That's it! Aw, you're gonna be so pregnant! Lina: You're being weird. Russ: Aw! Lina, come on! Lina: You come on! We're not doing that anymore. It's weird. Russ: Why can't I just pretend? Lina: I don't want to. Russ: I just need to feel like I'm still... dangerous. Or something. (Sighs) Lina: I get it. Okay. Okay, so, so I'm riding you. Russ: Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna put a baby in you. Yeah. Lina: Yeah, you are, yes. Baby, I want you to come inside me. I want you to, I want you to shoot it up inside me. Russ: Uh-huh, I'm gonna shoot it so deep. Lina: You're gonna make me so pregnant... oh, my God! Russ: I'm gonna make you so pregnant! That's it. I want you to make me so pregnant. Can you do that for me? Can you? Can you? Can you put a baby in me? Russ: Yeah, I'm gonna put a baby in you. Lina: Do it! Come inside me. I want you to make a baby. That's right, yeah. Get me pregnant, come on. Come on, get me so pregnant. Oh, God, yeah! Russ: Yeah, keep going. Don't stop. Lina: Shoot all over my eggs, come on! Yeah, I'm gonna shoot on your eggs. Oh, my cum's going on your eggs! Lina: Okay? You make me pregnant? Will you knock me up? Russ: I'm gonna make you pregnant! I'm gonna make you pregnant! Oh! Lina: Make a baby, yeah! Russ: Oh! Okay. (Moaning) Oh, wow. Please tell me you got it in the cup. Russ: I think I did. I think most of it. Oh, my God. Father: The area is pi times 2r. Okay. All right, I'll see you at home. We need waffles. Russ: Okay. Daughter: Diameter... Father: Mm-hmm. Daughter:...is pi, right? Father: Yeah, that's right. Could you remind me how to get the area? Russ: Might be a little spicy. I had chorizo for lunch. Oh, and by the way, the area of a circle is pi-r-squared. Duh. Father: The r, that's the r. Daughter: Oh. Lina: You bought my bassinet. Woman: Who? Lina: That's my bassinet. Well, I just donated it, literally I just donated it. I hope your baby's as happy in there as-as my girls were. Woman: Oh, yeah, I would never put a baby in this piece of sh1t. It's for my ferret. Actually can you mind holding him while I light my cigarette? It's really more of a coffin to bury him in. 'Cause he has cancer. So, you say it's called a-a bassinet? (Water splashing) (Harrison cooing) Jess: Ooh, make little splashes? (Dinging nearby) There's too much splashing in the bath. And too many bubbles for one little baby. Shepard: Hey. Jess: Hi. How'd it go with Tammy? Shepard: She's on her way to Davenport. Jess: Is that the name of a clinic? Shepard: No. It's a place in Iowa. Jess: Aw. Your daddy's a good man. But he didn't want our meal ticket to get an abortion. Isn't that right, daddy? Shepard: Stop. Jess: What? That's what happened. Shepard: What, are you mad? Jess: You can't make people do things that they don't want to do, right? Shepard: And I really don't want to be managing some kid. I don't. Hi. Hi! Hey. Want to watch a movie tonight? Uh, you know, I can't. I'm gonna go to the office. But, um, take a rain check. (Harrison giggles) (Coos) (Shepard sighs) Russ: Hey. Lina: Hmm? Russ: Do you want to have a date? Lina: Mm... I'm not taking my shirt off. Russ: That's okay. But can we talk about the pregnant stuff again? Lina: No chance. Russ: Come on. Lina: No. Russ: Well, then, can we pretend that I'm a cashier at Ralphs and you're, um, returning some old lettuce? (Lina laughs) Lina: Oh, look at this lettuce. Russ: Ah... Lina: It's so wilted. Russ: Yes, yes! It is. Lina (Laughing): You're so weird! Man: Hey. Jess: Hey. Man: Can I sit with you? (Jess laughs) Jess: Sure. (Man clears throat) Man: Are you alone? Jess: Uh...

During his first post-vasectomy follow-up, Russ has a difficult time providing a semen sample, so he calls Lina to help with a fantasy. Lina is taken aback when the fantasy involves Russ giving her another baby, but she eventually plays along. Meanwhile, Lina seems happy to be donating all her baby stuff to a thrift store, until she sees that a woman who bought her bassinet plans to use it for a dying pet ferret.

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"The Pain in the Heart" [SCENE_BREAK] (Open: Flash back to final scene of previous episode "The Wannabe in the Weeds". Booth has just been shot by Pam Nunan and Brennan is leaning over him telling him he's going to be fine - as if she's reliving the moment.) BRENNAN: Booth, you're gonna be fine. Really. Come on. Come on, Booth. It's gonna be fine. Come on, Booth. Come on, Booth. No! Oh, come on... (Fade into: Medico Legal Lab - Forensic Platform. Brennan and Zack are going over remains from Limbo) BRENNAN: The carbon isotopic composition of the collagen, shows a value of minus 16%.ZACK: Supporting the theory that the deceased was born in Provence, France. (Hodgins, Angela, Cam and Sweets join them on the platform, all dressed in dark colors) BRENNAN: In the 16th century... HODGINS: It's time, Dr. Brennan. BRENNAN: (ignoring Hodgins) The metacarpal phalangeal joints are smooth, showing dexterity. Perhaps a musician.. CAM: That's enough. We're going. Now. BRENNAN: I have remains to identify. He could have a family. ANGELA: He's 500 years old. They've probably adjusted by now. BRENNAN: I'm not going. I've already made that clear. SWEETS: It's Agent Booth's funeral, Dr. Brennan. Losing a loved one is - BRENNAN: A partner, Sweets. I lost a partner. SWEETS: Someone close to you. The funeral allows you to grieve so you can come to terms with his death. BRENNAN: The Arunta Aboriginal tribe in Australia grieve by burning down their village and - and moving to a new one. That seems no crazier to me than gathering around a hole in the ground. SWEETS: Being hostile won't - ANGELA: Brennan...a word. SWEETS: Excuse me? Professional psychologist. (Angela pulls Brennan aside and holds up a finger to Sweets - indicating to give her a minute) ANGELA: Look. I know how you see things, and I respect that, but I need to ask you a favor. (She holds up Booth's funeral card) ANGELA: I have to go to the funeral. I'm not going to be able to get through this alone. I've been crying for, like, days. I really need your shoulder here. I need my best friend. (Cut to: Arlington National Cemetery. Everyone is gathered around a casket and Caroline is giving the eulogy. It's Booth's funeral.) CAROLINE: I knew Seeley Booth. He was a good man who earned my respect and affection. And I don't like many people. Booth had a selfless commitment to his work, first in the military and then the FBI. Two weeks ago, he made the ultimate sacrifice - giving his life to save his partner. And in the brave act, he showed us what greatness we are all capable of. BRENNAN: (loudly, to Angela) That woman was aiming at me and I would have happily taken that bullet. ANGELA: I know. CAROLINE: May God's mercy and love shine on Seeley Booth as he takes his place beside the Lord. BRENNAN: (loudly, to Angela) If there were a merciful God, why wouldn't he have saved Booth. (Drums start playing as the officers prepare to fire their weapons) OFFICER: Standby. (Camera pans to one of the officers and it's revealed that it's Booth.) OFFICER: At ease. (A man starts to walk towards the coffin, as the rest of the officers continue to follow commands) OFFICER: Aim. (Booth pushes through Zack and Sweets and punches the man, knocking him to the ground) ANGELA: What the hell is going on? (The casket is pushed to the ground and it opens up, revealing a dummy body inside.) ZACK: They appear to be fighting. (The man and Booth fight on the ground and Brennan watches. The man punches Booth and Brennan runs over to the casket to grab the dummy's arm and uses it to knock out the man. She immediately starts to move towards Booth - looking extremely angry) BOOTH: Bones! Nice shot. (He notices her anger) What? (Brennan punches Booth in the jaw and then stops off. Booth groans) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Booth and Brennan are walking out of Brennan's office.) BOOTH: After I got shot, the Bureau faked my death so I could finally get that guy. BRENNAN: I don't care. BOOTH: Look, I drove him underground. He said the only way that we would ever see him again would be at my funeral, so... BRENNAN: I don't care. HODGINS: Who is he? BOOTH: What part of "National Security" don't you understand, Hodgins? HODGINS: "National Security": catch-all phrase for "we can do anything we want" BRENNAN: I knew I shouldn't have gone to that funeral. It was a complete waste of time, just like I said. BOOTH: Wait a second, you thought that my funeral was a waste of time? CAM: I thought it was a lovely service, Booth. BOOTH: Thank you. You know, I expected to see more people though. HODGINS: I always imagined a lot of ex-girlfriends crying. BOOTH: Yeah, me too. ANGELA: You guys are pathetic. BRENNAN: Just know I won't be attending your next funeral. BOOTH: Bones, I'm telling you. You were supposed to know that I wasn't really dead. I swear! That's why I thought you weren't crying! CAM: Informed by who, exactly? BOOTH: I gave a list of people to the bureau to inform that I was not really dead. You know what? They didn't tell you, it's not my fault. SWEETS: Dr. Brennan's actually upset because she had to face strong emotions that she'd rather deny. Striking Agent Booth, indicated the depth of your feelings for him. It was a very passionate act. BOOTH: (to Sweets) Thank you! (to Brennan) Did you hear that? Passion! BRENNAN: Yes, passion, because anger is a passion! Anger at being manipulated! ZACK: Dr. Brennan? BRENNAN: Pretend to be dead- BOOTH: Aw forget it. I'm outta- ZACK: Someone left a package for you. (He hands her a package wrapped in plain brown paper - with "Dr. Temperance Brennan" written on it in marker. She opens it to find a box. Inside that box contains a mandible and 2 silver screws) BOOTH: Oh! BRENNAN: It's a mandible. BOOTH: Look at that, huh. Two silver screws. HODGINS: Silver screws as in... ANGELA: Silver skeleton? HODGINS: As in.. CAM: Gormogon? BRENNAN: That's speculation. (She examines the mandible closer.) ZACK: Tooth marks. BOOTH: Someone's been snacking on that. CAM: Snacking? As in cannibalism? BRENNAN: Evidence of cannibalism does not necessarily mean- BOOTH: Bones, it's Gormogon. Has to be. CAM: Oh, god. Who has he eaten this time. (Opening Credits) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Platform. The team is gathered around a television watching Sweets on TV) SWEETS: (On TV) This is the fifth known victim in the Gormogon murders, all of which have been subjected to ritualized cannibalism. FEMALE REPORTER: He has apprentices? SWEETS: Yes. One at all time to help perform the murders, dispose of the bodies, eradicate evidence. His mission, it seems, is to construct a complete skeleton out of the bones of his victims. CAM: I've seen enough. (She turns off the TV) BRENNAN: (turning to the platform) Booth? BOOTH: Bones, I'm thinking here. BRENNAN: Thinking about what exactly? CAM: Well, it's a pickle. The platform's a crime scene but we need to access it to investigate the crime. ANGELA: A "cake and eat it too" situation. ZACK: Is it a cake or a pickle? HODGINS: It's Schrodinger's Cat. ZACK: That I understand. Cakes and pickles mean nothing to me. BRENNAN: Are you paralyzed by the paradox, Booth? CAM: I'll make this easy. What do you need first? BOOTH: Identity. CAM: Let's go people. (The rush up the stairs, past Booth, and start getting to work on the platform) BOOTH: Whoa. Hey, easy! Alright, you can't...alright. There ya go. (The team huddles around he mandible.) CAM: Okay, the tooth sockets may contain enough tissue to check DNA. BRENNAN: Zack, there are markings on this bone that need to be checked out. ZACK: It appears to have been boiled. HODGINS: I'll see if I can pull any mineral traces that can help us determine the water he used. (The disperse and go about their tasks) BOOTH: Okay. I, uh, give you all permission to do whatever it is that you squints do. I'll, uh, just... (he brakes the crime scene tape on the stairs and starts backing down) Call me. (to the FBI agents at the bottom of the stairs) Let's go. (Cut to: Booth's Bathroom. Booth is lounging in the tub, sipping beer from his beer helmet when Brennan barges in.) BRENNAN: I need to talk to you! BOOTH: What the hell, Bones! I'm in my house, in my bathroom, in my bathtub! (Brennan walks over to the record player and turns it off) How the hell did ya get in here anyway? BRENNAN: Well, that fake rock by your front door wouldn't fool anybody. Why are you wearing a hat that dispenses beer? BOOTH: Hot tub, plus cold beer equals warm beer. Hat? Equals solution. So why are you - BRENNAN: And that cigar? Very unhealthy. BOOTH: Okay, what the hell do ya want now, Bones? Okay? Cause I'm not really feeling too relaxed. BRENNAN: You should have told me that you weren't dead. BOOTH: I already explained this to you. The bureau has to vet everyone when there is a security issue. I was just following protocol. BRENNAN: Protocol!? BOOTH: Yes! BRENNAN: We've been partners for three years, Booth, and you've broken protocol before - sometimes putting my life in danger. Which makes sense because you clearly don't have any real concern for me. BOOTH: (standing up) I took a bullet for you! BRENNAN: Once! That only goes so far (realizing that Booth is standing there, naked) Would you like a towel? (He sinks back into the tub) BOOTH: Fine. What is it that I should have done, Bones? Wha- what did you want me to do? BRENNAN: Well, you could have called me. Did you really think I needed to be vetted by your boss? I mean, don't you trust me? BOOTH: Of course I do. BRENNAN: Then why wasn't I told. It must have been something that you said. BOOTH: No. I don't know why you weren't told. BRENNAN: But you - you said that I should be. I mean, aren't you curious why I wasn't? BOOTH: Yes! Do you want me to find out why you weren't told? BRENNAN: If it's important to you. BOOTH: Fine. I will. The next time I die, I promise that I will tell you. BRENNAN: I'll look forward to that. BOOTH: Me too. (He opens up a "Green Lantern" comic book and starts reading) BRENNAN: What are you reading? BOOTH: A novel. (She looks at him) It's a graphic novel. BRENNAN: Just so you know, I find your lack of Puritan modesty very refreshing. (Booth lowers the comic book to cover himself and Brennan leaves the room, turning the music back on as she walks out the door.) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - platform) ZACK: The marks on the mandible definitely indicate that the bones have been gnawed on. HODGINS: But, but not with teeth. ZACK: The markings were made by someone wearing dentures. CAM: Well, a toothless cannibal just can't cut it in todays competitive serial killer climate. How do you know he wore dentures. HODGINS: Zack found traces of polymethylmethacrylate monomer tetrasalisic floramicha on the mandible. (9:41) CAM: I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume that's what dentures are made of. (Cam picks up her phone and dials)ZACK: But not normal commercial dentures you get from the dentist. HODGINS: Main ingrediant is polymethyl methacrylic. ZACK: These dentures were homemade. CAM: (into phone) I got our victims DNA results back. (During the conversation, camera cuts between Booth - in the bathtub and Cam - in the lab) BOOTH: Is it the Lobbyist? CAM: Yup. Gormogon's last victim. BOOTH: I was wondering when some part of him would show up. CAM: (hears the water going down the drain) What's that sucking sound? BOOTH: You know what? This is MY house. Okay? You come into my house there's not telling what you're gonna hear. (he hangs up abruptly. Cam wonders what that was all about.) ZACK: Dr. Saroyan. (Cam hangs up her phone) Regarding the denture medium, if we recreate the process- HODGINS: Could tell us a lot about Gormogon's resources. CAM: If you want to do one of your experiments, just say it. HODGINS & ZACK: (in unison) We want to do one of our experiments. CAM: Go! (she points towards towards the door, smiling.) Make plastic, cannibal dentures. (Cut to: Basement of the Jeffersonian - Sweets, Brennan and Booth are there) SWEETS: You should place the jawbone in the skeleton. BRENNAN: Why? SWEETS: Cause it keeps alive an interactive relationship with the killer. That's why he provided the screws. You know, we give him something, he reciprocates. Did you see me on TV? No one has mentioned that I was on TV. BOOTH: Alright, look. How would he know if we added the jawbone to the skeleton? SWEETS: Well, it's his obsession. He has some way of finding out, which is another reason to do it. Okay. Both of you are purposely not mentioning my appearance. BRENNAN: Well, for all we know, Gormogon is dead and we're not on the list of people who get to find that out. (Brennan heads for the stairs, the guys follow) SWEETS: There's s cry for attention. BOOTH: Bones broke into my house last night, all angry- BRENNAN: (talking over Booth) There was a key! BOOTH: because no one told her that I was dead. And I was just following protocol. SWEETS: Broke into your house? BRENNAN: There was a key. BOOTH: And barged into my bathroom. SWEEETS: (laughs) What were you doing? BRENNAN: He was drinking beer and reading a comic book. BOOTH: I was taking a bath. SWEETS: You read comics and drink beer naked?BOOTH: Wait a second. Bones bursts into MY bathroom, alright, and I'm weird for being naked? (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab - Hodgins and Zack are preparing for the experiment) ZACK: This thermoplastic has a melting point of approximately 1800 degrees Fahrenheit. This would work better if we created a paste from the monomer and polymethylmethacrylate powder HODGINS: That would entail the complicated use of cosolvents to allow copolymerization without substantial phase separation. Monomers melting point is far below the polymethylmethacrylate. (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab - Booth, Brennan and Sweets are walking near the Forensics Platform) SWEETS: So you didn't tell her to leave? You just sat there, naked? BOOTH: It was my own bathroom, okay? What do you wear in the tub? Floaties? (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab - Hodgins and Zack are still preparing for the experiment) HODGINS: Ready for the monomer? ZACK: Yes. I believe so. The mold is over there on the side table. HODGINS: Why don't you get the mold and I'll mix in the monomer? ZACK: No. I'll mix it in. Please hand me the monomer, then the mold. (He goes to hand Zack the monomer, but then pulls it back) HODGINS: Since when did I become the assistant? ZACK: Since I became the uncontested "King of the Lab". (Hodgins hands Zack the monomer and then walks away. Zack puts the monomer into the pot - which causes an explosion. The alarms sound and Booth, Brennan and Sweets run toward its source.) SECURITY GUARD: Move to the exits, now!(They see Hodgins on the floor) BRENNAN: Hodgins! HODGINS: I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm okay. (They see Zack, his hands are still through the Plexiglas and badly burned. He's breathing heavily. Booth tries to move the debris away from him.) BRENNAN: Oh my god. Zack? CAM: Okay, a medical teams on it's way. Oh my - I'll get the burn kit. BRENNAN: Is he okay? BOOTH: He's in shock, Bones. Look at his hands. BRENNAN: Zack? (cut to shots of them all looking at Zack, in shock) Zack. (Cut to: Regional Medical Center - ICU- Brennan is sitting in a chair next to Zack's bed while Booth is standing behind her.) ZACK: Is Hodgins okay? BRENNAN: He's fine. Just a few minor cuts. BOOTH: Yeah. Don't worry about it, Zack. Alright? We're gonna fix ya up. You're gonna be as good as new. ZACK: That would be impossible, Agent Booth. The damage is- BOOTH: We'll make sure we get you the best doctors. BRENNAN: The cartilage is destroyed, Booth. ZACK: In addition, the trapezoid and hamate on my left hand are- BOOTH: Hey. Hey, how about a little optimism here, huh? ZACK: I know that I can still be quite useful. Mentally, I"m still exceptional and with prosthesis- (Hodgins enters the room, followed by Angela and Cam.) HODGINS: Hey. How are ya, Zack? ZACK: Quite severely injured. Are you alright? HODGINS: I'm okay, man. ANGELA: Hey, anything you need, Zack. Just ask. CAM: Do you know how this happened? ZACK: I just added the 3 grams of monomer. HODGINS: But that doesn't make sense. There are no dipoles like amide or carbonyl in the monomer. Were there? ZACK: No. Just simple phenylethene. HODGIND: That's what I thought. And the PMMA was just- BOOTH: Hodgins. He has third degree burns. BRENNAN: The doctor said you should rest, Zack. HODGINS: She's right. Hey. We're gonna figure this out, okay? CAM: And you won't be alone, Zack. One of us will be here all the time. ZACK: Well, that's not necessary. ANGELA: Yes it is. Because we - love you. (Hodgins puts his hand on Zack's forehead) I'll take the first shift. CAM: And I'll write us a schedule. BRENNAN: I'll get you whatever you need to keep your job. We'll get through this. ZACK: Thank you, Dr. Brennan. (Brennan gets up and kisses him on the forehead, then leaves - leaving Angela and Zack alone) (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab. Hodgins and Sweets are by his desk) HODGINS: A simple monomer wouldn't explode. It just wouldn't happen. SWEETS: Isn't the FBI handling the analysis of the explosive residue? HODGINS: Excuse me if my faith in the bureau isn't absolute. SWEETS: So you don't trust Agent Madison? HODGINS: I'm just getting my own results to double check. I'm sure he's - fine - but I'm independent. SWEETS: You suspect that there could be a conspiracy within the bureau? HODGINS: Do I hear a little 'tude, young man? SWEETS: No, no, no. Why would there be a conspiracy in this case? Totally 'tudeless question.HODGINS: Prominent public figures being murdered and eaten. Evidence that secret societies are being targeted - societies that have great influence in the halls of power - like the bureau. SWEETS: You don't think that's a bit extreme. HODGINS: You went on Larry King to talk about this case. And TMZ because you know how big it is and to get your piece of it. SWEETS: I'm a doctor. I'm merely studying the case like you. HODGINS: Right. (he brings up results on the computer screen) Oh, man. I should have known. AGENT MADISON: What? HODGINS: You expect me to tell you the answer, Agent Madison? AGENT MADISON: It's tricyclic acetone peroxide. HODGINS: He's not bad. AGENT MADISON: It reacted with the molten thermal plastic and - (he makes an exploding noise) Boom. HODGINS: The containers must have been switched. Zack thought he was adding a monomer he had made himself but it was actually a volatile explosive. (Cut to Medico-Legal Lab. Sweets is on the phone in the hallway near Brennan's office.) SWEETS: (into phone) Yes. I'm busy. Cancel all my patients. You don't have to tell them anything- (Booth comes up behind Sweets and starts dragging him towards Brennan's office.) SWEETS: What are you doing? BOOTH: A word? SWEETS: I'm on the phone. BOOTH: Well, hang up. SWEETS: (into phone) Okay, I'll talk to you later. (he hangs up and puts the phone in his pocket. Then to Booth.) Ah, tight grip you got there.. BOOTH: And it could get tighter. So go ahead. Tell her. SWEETS: Tell her what? BRENNAN: Tell me what? BOOTH: Tell her now. SWEETS: What? BOOTH: Fine. I'll tell her. Okay? I sent my list to the bureau. They sent it to Sweets. You were the one who decided not to tell Dr. Brennan that I was still alive. He's the one that you should have slugged, so do it. Go ahead and do it now. BRENNAN: What? You choose not to tell me? SWEETS: Yes, it's true. Technically. BOOTH: Technically? SWEETS: Okay, I reviewed the list and decided, knowing Dr. Brennan as I do, that she was in fact able to handle your death. BOOTH: (to Brennan) Slug 'em. SWEETS: It was a National Security issue. The fewer people that knew Agent Booth was alive, the safer he would be. BRENNAN: I think that was a good choice. SWEETS: Awesome. BOOTH: You do?! BRENNAN: Yes. You knew that Booth's death was something that I could deal with because I can compartmentalize. BOOTH: Woah. Wait a minute. Now why are you mad at me then? BRENNAN: Because you should have told me, personally. BOOTH: Oh, I should have just ignored National Security concerns, broken the law and told you. BRENNAN: Yes. You know I'm very trustworthy. BOOTH: Yeah, but Sweets... BRENNAN: Sweets made a professional decision. He knew I could process your death and move on - which is precisely what I did. SWEETS: That's right. BOOTH: There's gotta be other stuff going on here, right? SWEETS: What? BOOTH: Transference. Uh, paranoia. Come on! I mean, when I offer her a piece of pie you say it has deeper meaning. BRENNAN: I don't like pie, Booth. BOOTH: Well, apple pie. She doesn't like baked pie. BRENNAN: I don't like my fruit cooked. SWEETS: Okay, changing the subject is a way to avoid your feelings. BOOTH: My feelings. Okay, now you're attacking my feelings? (Cam appears in the doorway) CAM: Hey. There's something in the Gormogon vault I think you should see. BOOTH: (moves past Sweets to the door - but to Brennan) Slug 'em. SWEETS: You know, I think it's interesting, psychologically how Agent Booth's constant efforts to persuade you to enjoy fruit pie could be interpreted as a kind of seduction. BOOTH: Whatever you two are talking about? Just stop it. Zip it. Let's go. (Cut to: Stairs leading down to the Gormogon Vault. Brennan stops Sweets on the stairs when Booth and Cam are out of earshot.) BRENNAN: You think I don't recognize an experiment when I see one? You experimented on us. SWEETS: Beg your pardon. BRENNAN: Not telling me Booth was alive? You wanted to quantify our reactions for your own research? You took advantage of us. Booth and I agreed to let you observe us. We did not agree to be used as lab rats, so you better cut it out. SWEETS: Dr. Brennan, why are you talking so fast? BRENNAN: Because if Booth hears why you did what you did? He'd beat ya up. SWEETS: Don't you think that'd be an overly aggressive act? BRENNAN: Not at all. So you better not do it again. (They start to head down the stairs) BOOTH: (O.S) Let's go, Bones. Where are you? SWEETS: On our way. (The four of them enter the vault) CAM: Security had the entrance to this wing locked and the vault, itself, was secured. BRENNAN: The skeleton. BOOTH: Where'd it go? HODGINS: We don't know. I came down to see if the screws matched the silver in the skeleton and the skeleton was gone. SWEETS: But there are security cameras and sensors covering every inch of this place. CAM: They all failed. BOOTH: All of them? CAM: When Zack's explosion set off all the alarms, every security camera in the building failed. HODGINS: The door to the loading dock was unlocked. BRENNAN: Someone stole the skeleton! (Cam walks over to the computer to bring up the security footage) CAM: Ten minutes before the explosion - HODGINS: Everything is working perfectly. CAM: Fast forward; Hodgins passes Zack the container of tricyclic acetone proxide.. HODGINS: I thought it was the monomer. CAM: The explosion occurred at 12:03 and 22 seconds. At 12:03 and 22 seconds - (the screens on the computers are nothing but snow) BOOTH: Aren't there any backup systems? CAM: All dead too. BRENNAN: Where were the guards? CAM: There was a chemical accident. That takes precedence over any other security issue. All personnel went to secure the lab or went to secure any point that went to the museum proper so there'd be no loss of life. BRENNAN: During that time, the vault and the skeleton would be unsecured. CAM: Yes, until the security system was brought back up at 12:18 and 41 seconds. The explosion was a diversion set up by Gormogon. BOOTH: He's here in the lab. It's an inside job. Gormogon works at the Jeffersonian. BRENNAN: Either Gormogon or his new apprentice. (Booth dials a number) SWEETS: It is a totally freaky thought. BOOTH: (into phone) Yeah, it's Booth. Listen, I need a full forensic team sent to the Jeffersonian. Mobile labs, computers, analysis - the works. No. Their equipment could be compromised. (Cut to: Basement of the Jeffersonian - 2 hours later. Cam is walking into a room that is filled with FBI Agents. One is using body recognition software to see if anyone is out of the ordinary.) CAM: Hair? Prints? Anything? FBI FORENSIC TECH MARCUS GEIER: Not since you asked five minutes ago. No. CAROLINE: Dr. Saroyan. Please don't bother the techs. You have a problem? You see me. CAM: It's my people you suspect here. I wanna make sure your doing your job. After all, you're a prosecutor, not a forensic- CAROLINE: You have been breathing down our necks for two hours, Cherie. Why don't you go get a latte or something. You should be here anyway. CAM: This is my department! CAROLINE: I know. And you have full security clearance and complete access to the lab and the vault. CAM: Are you saying I'm a suspect now? CAROLINE: I'm saying someones gonna put your name on the list. You were a cop. Wouldn't you? CAM: You've got over thirty agents here. Find something. (Cam storms off.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to: Royal Diner. Booth and Brennan are having coffee.) BRENNAN: The Medico-Legal lab has over 100 employees. BOOTH: Yeah, and all their records are being looked at - including yours and mine. BRENNAN: What, you're just having coffee? Don't you want pie? BOOTH: I'm fine. BRENNAN: But you always have pie. BOOTH: Can we stop talking about pie? BRENNAN: Is it because of what Sweets said? (Sweets enters and walks over toward their table) BOOTH: I'm just going pie-less. Okay? SWEETS: Can we talk for a minute? I have a profile of someone I feel could be Gormogon. (he notices Booth is only having coffee.) No pie? You always eat pie. BOOTH: Enough with the pie, will you just sit down? SWEETS: Alright. BRENNAN: Whoa! You've been spying on us? More experiments? BOOTH: What experiments? SWEETS: I'm just being thorough. The dynamics of our work environment play a role in how I treat you and Agent Booth. BOOTH: Okay, Sweets. Will you just get on with it? Who is it? SWEETS: I believe it's Dr. Hodgins. BRENNAN: What is Dr. Hodgins? BOOTH: Gormogon. He thinks Hodgins is Gormogon. (Brennan makes a face like she is about to protest.) SWEETS: Hodgins exhibits clinical paranoia as well as a rationalized feeling of superiority. BRENNAN: Paranoia. SWEETS: Yeah. He's consumed by numerous conspiracy theories. My observations today? He's even suspect of the FBI, with whom he works closely. BRENNAN: That's all supposition. There's not concrete evidence. BOOTH: (to Brennan)No, no, no. (to Sweets) Go on. BRENNAN: Booth! BOOTH: What? Hodgins knew all about the secret societies. I mean, he figured out the patterns Gormogon used that led us to the vault. BRENNAN: Yes. He was doing his job. SWEETS: Or justifying himself. He had access to all the chemicals Zack was using. He could have changed the labels. BOOTH: He and Zack are friends... BRENNAN: I also had access to the chemicals Zack made. Why am I not a suspect? SWEETS: Well, you have a reverence for life that belies the cold, calculations of a killer. And the emotional connection you share with Agent Booth... BRENNAN: No. That..I - (she starts getting up) I don't have time for this. No. (she leaves) BOOTH: (to Sweets) Don't you know by now you can't rush her? (Booth gets up to go after her) SWEETS: We're trying to catch a killer. I thought it best not to waste time. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab. Booth and Brennan are walking into Brennan's office.) BOOTH: Look, he's just trying to help, Bones. BRENNAN: Well, his opinions won't get you a conviction. He doesn't have any evidence. BOOTH: Yeah, but he's a profiler with a great track record. (Cam enters behind them) CAM: Who? BOOTH: Sweets. BRENNAN: Sweets says that Hodgins is the killer. CAM: Well, it makes sense. BRENNAN: What? CAM: What? Throw suspicion off him. BOOTH: Who? CAM: Sweets. BOOTH: You think that Sweets is the killer? CAM: Well, he shows up right after you find the Gormogon vault, when Gormogon's at his most vulnerable. And in therapy, he plays you two like a cheap piano until you ask for his help with the case. BOOTH: Wait a second. Nobody plays me like a cheap piano. CAM: No, hey! We all trusted the brilliant, young, profiler. I got him security clearance because he was gonna help us. BRENNAN: He was here. He had the opportunity to switch Zack's chemicals. BOOTH: Wait. Except he's not a chemist. CAM: He's the only one we can't account for after the explosion. BRENNAN: What? Great. Now we sound like Sweets. We have no evidence. CAM: I was a cop for ten years, Dr. Brennan. I can smell it on him. BRENNAN: I- I'm sorry, but we need more than your gut feeling. CAM: Well, then find it. Cause trust me, Sweets is your boy. (Cam leaves) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab- Cam's office. She's checking out something on her computer screen when Hodgins walks in. She notices him and jumps.) CAM: Dr. Hodgins, knocking would be appreciated. HODGINS: Right. Sorry. So rumor is one of us is a suspect. Who is it? CAM: I can't say. You know that. HODGINS: Of course not. And since it's rumor, it might not even be true. Right? CAM: Do you have a legitimate reason to see me or are you just here to squeeze me for information? HODGINS: I found something. ( Hodgins walks over to Cam's and starts bringing up something on her computer screen) HODGINS: Zack said he thought the mandible had been boiled. CAM: To remove tissue. HODGINS: I pulled trace elements from the mandible and ran them through the mass spectrometer to see what the bone was boiled in. It was tap water. But see this spike here? (he points to the screen) CAM: Lead? HODGINS: Yes. CAM: I thought the city had to replace all their lead pipes. HODGINS: They did, but individual homeowners didn't. I focused on neighborhoods with the highest lead levels. Older homes were the worst offenders (He brings up a map. Part of it is shaded in blue) This neighborhood matches the level of lead found on the victims bone. CAM: Isn't that your house? HODGINS: Yes. It is. But there are other people that live in the area too. CAM: Yes, of course. I'll pass this along to the investigators. HODGINS: Good. CAM: Is there anything else? HODGINS: I could have fudged the facts. Could have left my neighborhood out. CAM: Yes, but that would have raised suspicion if someone had double checked your results. HODGINS: If you need me, I'll be at my station. Helping. (Hodgins leaves) (Cut to Royal Diner. Sweets is sitting at the counter when Booth and Brennan enter.) SWEETS: Hey. This is a surprise. ( Booth and Brennan take a seat on either side of him) BOOTH: Yeah. Hey, Sweets, uh, where were you after the explosion? SWEETS: I was with you. BRENNAN: No. You were with us when the explosion occurred. BOOTH: I mean after. SWEETS: Uh, let's see. I ran to call 911. BRENNAN: Where? SWEETS: In your office. Why? BOOTH: Then what?SWEETS: Then I went to the door to show the EMT's where to go. BRENNAN: Hmm, you didn't come in with them. SWEETS: No. I find it's best to stay out of the way of the professionals in those situations. Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot one thing. BOOTH: What's that? SWEETS: I went down to the vault and I stole the silver skeleton because, um, I'm Gormogon's apprentice. BOOTH: That's a confession. You know, I can lock him up for 72 hours. SWEETS: You'd lock me up for sarcasm? BRENNAN: I - I think you should. SWEETS: Wait. You guys actually think that I'm Gormogon's apprentice? BOOTH: Well, somebody is. That way I can lock you up, check out your story and not worry about you running off to Bolivia. SWEETS: This is fierce wretched. BRENNAN: Better safe than sorry. BOOTH: Yeah. SWEETS: No. You're projecting, Agent Booth. You have a reasonable hostility toward Gormogon but you have no outlet for those feelings so you're using me - BOOTH: Am I gonna have to break out my cuffs? SWEETS: You know what? Yeah. You are gonna need your cuffs cause I'm not about to make this easy for you. (Cut to: Regional Medical Center - ICU. Zack is asleep and Angela is sleeping in a chair next to his bed. Hodgins leans over and kisses her on the cheek - waking her up.) ANGELA: Hi. (He kisses her again.) HODGINS: How is Zack? ANGELA: Oh, he's in a lot of pain but he won't let me push the pain killer button. HODGINS: He's scared of polka dots but screaming agony is just an interesting phenomenon. (Angela nods in agreement) ZACK: Drugs give me bad dreams. HODGINS: Oh, hey there, Zack. ZACK: I'm walking somewhere and suddenly someone takes me by the hand and I look and it's the skeleton. And the skeleton's on fire and my hands hurt. ANGELA: Take the pain killers, sweetie. ZACK: I've been thinking about the explosion, Hodgins. No one could have switched the chemicals. I locked up the container when I left the room. (Hodgins presses the button on the pain killers) I had the only - key. (Hodgins presses it again) You - would know but you - I'm afraid the pain killers work pleasant on my intellect. HODGINS: Sometimes your friends gotta step in - (he presses the button one last time) Dumb it up for you. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab. Brennan is sitting in her office working at her computer when Cam appears in the doorway.) CAM: Don't you think it's time to go home? BRENNAN: (surprised) Oh! Ah. Sorry, Cam. I seem to be a bit anxious. CAM: Don't worry about it. It's going around. Hodgins came to talk to me and I almost jumped out of my skin. What's keeping you so late? BRENNAN: Looking at the tissue we used for the DNA test? The victims DNA alleles and the roots were destroyed. And the mer alleles - were altered. Then, I remember, when I first looked at the jaw bone, it seemed lighter in color than I expected. CAM: It was treated with ultraviolet light? BRENNAN: (nodding in agreement) I think so. CAM: Who would do that? BRENNAN: We would. Standard procedure for skeletal remains when we put them away for storage. We have over 10,000 sets of remains waiting to be identified. What better place to hide a skeleton? CAM: How do we sift through 10,000 sets of remains? (Neither of them have any idea...) (Cut to Medico Legal Lab - Modular Skeletal Storage (AKA Limbo). Brennan, Caroline and Angela are standing in front of a group of Brennan's grad students.) ANGELA: I'd like to welcome, all of Dr. Brennan's grad students, to Limbo. BRENNAN: Uh, it's Modular Skeletal Storage. I don't like the term "Limbo". ANGELA: (to Brennan) Over 10,000 lost souls remain here, Sweetie. Unidentified. Waiting. It's a good name. Let's just go with it. (to the grad students) Each of these boxes contains the skeletal remains of one person. BRENNAN: In this case: a skull, 2 femurs, 5 vertebrae, miscellaneous phalanges and 3 molars. ANGELA: What we want you to do is conduct an inventory - making sure that what's in the box corresponds, not only to the card in the box but also to the computer record. GRAD STUDENT #1: Does this count toward our final grade? CAROLINE: Listen, Brennan's grad students. What we're trying to do here is catch a serial killer. Not get a gold star from Teach. ANGELA: We think that he's hidden the remains of one or more of his victims here. BRENNAN: Bones, tucked into boxes, where they don't belong. ANGELA: But I think it's fair to say that if you help us catch a serial killer, that you'll pass your precious course. BRENNAN: That - that's not necessarily true. If anyone else shows up down here indicating an interest in what you're doing - either tell Miss Montenegro or shout for security. GRAD STUDENT #2: Why? CAROLINE: Because serial killers get mean when you get close to catchin 'em. (Time lapse: The grad students are working on sorting the remains that are in the boxes) CAROLINE: This is just creepy. BRENNAN: Well, it's the natural order of things. We all end up this way.CAROLINE: Thank you, Cherie. Now you've made it creepy and depressing. GRAD STUDENT #1: I've found an extra femur in one of the boxes and an extra fibula in another. BRENNAN: You sure? GRAD STUDENT #1: The remains in the box were of a 4 year old child. The femur was from a man in his mid 40's to early 50's. BRENNAN: And the fibula? GRAD STUDENT #1: Also from a middle aged man. It had recently been boiled. Three other people found extra bones as well. (A female grad student walks up behind Brennan and clears her throat slightly to make her presence known.) GRAD STUDENT #3: I found an extra manubrium, male ulna and a humerus in a box of female remains. BRENNAN: Okay, lay out all of the extra bones anatomically. GRAD STUDENT #3: It's already done. Over here. (They walk to the table where all the bones are laid out.) BRENNAN: Nice job. GRAD STUDENT #3: I'm third in my class. BRENNAN: I'd like the names of the two students in front of you. (looking at the bones) 45 to 50 years old. Fibula and femur show a height of approximately 180cm. CAROLINE: How tall is that in English? BRENNAN: Approximately 5'8". (to the grad student) Have Dr. Saroyan take DNA samples and compare them to all of Gormogon's known victims. (The grad student nods in agreement) CAROLINE: You suspect something, don't you? BRENNAN: I have no facts yet. My opinions are not relevant. CAROLINE: Let me make the call, Cherie. Give me some of that big brain of yours. BRENNAN: (pointing to the skull) Someone removed the mandible from the skull. CAROLINE: It's the one that was sent to you. BRENNAN: I can't say that with certainty. Dr. Saroyan should see if the DNA matches. CAROLINE: (to the grad student) Didn't you hear her? Get this up to Dr. Saroyan. Now! GRAD STUDENT #2: Dr. Brennan? I think you should take a look at this. (Brennan and Caroline walk over to where the male grad student has many skulls lined up on a table. Brennan immediately notices something similar about all of them.) BRENNAN: All of the canines have been removed from these skulls. Just he canines. CAROLINE: I want the security tapes from this room for the last 6 months. BRENNAN: This room isn't covered. CAROLINE: Why not? BRENNAN: It's Limbo. I - I need to re-examine the mandible Zack was working on before the explosion. (Brennan runs out) CAROLINE: Of course you do. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Autopsy Bay/ Cam's Office. Caroline and Cam are looking at a picture of the lobbyist on the computer screen.) CAM: It's the Lobbyist that disappeared. DNA's a match and so are the dentals. Dr. Brennan's gonna want to take a look at the markings on these. CAROLINE: What's that? More cannibal teeth marks on the bone? CAM: Gormogon went after this like Henry the 8th after a chicken leg. (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Forensic Platform. Brennan is re-examining the mandible that was sent to her by Gormogon.) CAM: These appear to have been gnawed on too. They'll probably match the denture markings Zack found. BRENNAN: They won't. CAM: You haven't looked at them yet. BRENNAN: Zack said these markings on the mandible were made by artificial dentures made from polymethylmethacrylate and other polymers. CAM: And? BRENNAN: They were not made by artificial dentures. Zack should have known that. CAROLINE: He made a mistake. It happens. CAM: Not often. (Brennan walks away. Caroline and Cam just look at each other, puzzled.) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Brennan's office. She's on her computer when Booth walks in.) BOOTH: Hey. I heard Zack was wrong about the dentures. BRENNAN: No. BOOTH: What do you mean? Cam and Caroline said.. BRENNAN: He knew they weren't artificial. Any first year student would know that. (she brings up a model of the dentures with the canines in them on the screen) The dentures were made from real teeth. All canines. BOOTH: Ugh. Woah. BRENNAN: Canines are a symbol of the wolf which appears on the Gormogon tapestry in the vault. And certain ancient sects revere the wolf as a symbol of freedom. As a representative of the forces that will deliver us from persecution. BOOTH: Okay, Bones. Enough about the wolf. What's going on? BRENNAN: Zack lied. BOOTH: Why? BRENNAN: He - he took the teeth from bone storage and he made Gormogon's dentures. BOOTH: Zack has complete access to the lab. He arranged for the explosion himself. BRENNAN: It's Zack. He's the killer, Booth. It's Zack. (Cut to: Regional Medical Center - ICU- Cam is sitting in a chair reading to Zack.) CAM: (reading) The theory of conditional expressions is a non-profound generalization of propositional calculus. ZACK: What's it say after "boolean forms"? CAM: (she laughs) Well, there's a little thing that looks like a Japanese stool then a B with a tail and a fat fish. Does this makes sense to you? ZACK: It doesn't to you? (Cam laughs) BOOTH: Cam. I'm gonna need the room. (Cam turns to see Booth and Brennan in the doorway. Her face falls when she realizes why they're there. She looks back at Zack and then gets out of the chair and starts to head to the door.) CAM: (to Booth and Brennan) I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Are you absolutely certain because- (Booth and Brennan nod their heads, solemnly, in confirmation.) CAM: (sighs) I did not see that coming. (Cam leaves the room) ZACK: You looked at the mandible. BRENNAN: You had to know I'd see it eventually. ZACK: I didn't foresee the extent of my injuries. I was going to sneak out of here but - BRENNAN: Your friends never left your side. BOOTH: And you intended to steal the jaw bone and add it to the silver skeleton. BRENNAN: But you designed the explosion. You must have known exactly how big it would be. ZACK: Hodgins argued with me. He stood too close. The delay allowed the thermoplastic to reach the boiling point and as a result, the explosion was three times more powerful than I calculated. BRENNAN: You must have known how badly you'd be injured. ZACK: Yes. BOOTH: Who's Gormogon, Zack? ZACK: That's not what he's called. BOOTH: Then what is he called. ZACK: The Master. BRENNAN: And you're his apprentice? BOOTH: I need a name. ZACK: I can't tell you. The apprentice is expendable. I'm expendable. BOOTH: Who is he? BRENNAN: Zack responds to logic, Booth. BOOTH: Really? Cause I'd love to hear the logic of killing and eating people to change the world. ZACK: The Master's logic is irrefutable. BOOTH: Irrefutable?! I saw him choking a child at the bottom of a pool. ZACK: If you knew what I know, you'd understand. You'd be proud of me. BRENNAN: I've always been proud of you, Zack. I've never met anyone more rational or intelligent. But there's a fault in your logic. ZACK: With all due respect, you aren't cognizant of his logic. BRENNAN: Assumption #1: Secret societies exist. ZACK: Accepted. Hodgins has been explaining this to me for years. BRENNAN: Assumption #2: The human experience is adversely affected by secret societies. ZACK: Accepted. BRENNAN: Assumption #3: Attacking and killing members of secret societies will have an ameliorating effect on the human experience. ZACK: Accepted. BRENNAN: All of your assumptions are built upon a first principle, Zack. To wit: The historical human experience, as a whole, is more important than a single person's life. ZACK: Yes. BRENNAN: Yet, you risked it all so you wouldn't hurt Hodgins. (Zack lets this sink in and realizes that she is right, his logic was flawed. Brennan puts her forehead against his, as a single tear rolls down his cheek.) ZACK: There's - You are correct. There is an inconsistency in my reasoning. BOOTH: Bones, I need a name. BRENNAN: We know. ZACK: He first approached me three months ago at a symposium on burning plasma diagnostics. BOOTH: Zack, I need to know who this guy is. I need to go get him. Now. ZACK: I don't know his name. I've never known his name but I've been to his house. I was blind folded when he first took me there. (As Zack narrates the directions, Booth and a team of FBI members are seen following them.) ZACK: But I remember every turn he took and I was able to estimate his speed. So when he brought me home, I found it on a map. It's in Bedding Ridge on a street called Savoy Crescent. It's a big place, almost as big as Hodgins' house but run down. There's a flight of stairs at the back - outside. There's a blue door. It'll be locked but there's a key hidden in the crevice to the left of the door just above eye level. You will see a hallway. If he's found someone, you will smell meat cooking and that's how you'll know you're getting close. (We see a room. Lit candles are everywhere. Gormogon is in the middle of the room, sitting at a table, cutting a piece of "meat" on his plate.) One last door, and you'll have to be fast. He'll be at the bottom of an incline in the floor. (Booth and the Agents arrive in the room and see Gormogon.) He'll have a knife. He's very fast. And he's very strong. (Gormogon bears his teeth and throws the knife at one of the FBI Agents. Booth immediately shoots him square in the chest and it sends him flying into the table. Gormogon is dead.) (Cut to: Regional Medical Center - ICU- Caroline and other people are talking to Zack while the rest of the group stands outside the window watching.) CAM: (she sees Booth arrive) Did you get him? BOOTH: Got him. BRENNAN: Who was he, Booth? SWEETS: Nobody. Am I right? He was nobody. An invisible man, angry at history for not seeing him. ANGELA: Yeah, for a nobody, he sure wrecked a lot of lives. (Caroline and the others come out of Zack's room) CAROLINE: Zack confessed to killing the Lobbyist - stabbed him in the heart. ANGELA: He never ate anybody? CAROLINE: No. ANGELA: So how did this happen? BRENNAN: Logic. CAROLINE: No. I'm sorry, Cherie. That might cut it with you eggheads, but this happened the way this always happens: a strong personality finds a weak personality and takes advantage. I hope we fry the guy. BOOTH: That's not gonna be necessary. CAM: Good riddance, I say. HODGINS: What'll happen to Zack? CAROLINE: I cut a deal. He pleads guilty, cooperates, and we find him non compos mentis. That way, Zack is moved to a secure psychiatric facility instead of going to prison. SWEETS: No, that won't stand up. Zack isn't actually insane. (Booth grabs Sweets arm and pulls him away from the group) SWEETS: What? BOOTH: Sweets? You're gonna give this one to Bones. You understand? SWEETS: I understand. BOOTH: Good. (He pats him on the shoulder and they head back to join the group. Brennan places her hand and head against the window as the rest of the group is with her, looking in on Zack.) (Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Lounge Area. Everyone is sitting around the table. Hodgins places a box on it.) BOOTH: Probably could have spent more time with Zack. You know, get him to see the world a bit more. HODGINS: All those things I say about secret societies and conspiracy's, I never knew he was listening. ANGELA: I should have gotten him a girlfriend. CAM: Ugh. You know what? The hell with Zack. He's an adult, he made his choices. People are who they are. There is nothing any of us could have done for the guy. BRENNAN: We love Zack, Cam. CAM: Yeah, well he killed someone. He deserves to be locked up for the rest of his life. SWEETS: I feel I must point out that what Dr. Saroyan just said is obviously her way of handling grief. She doesn't mean it. Quite the opposite, in fact. CAM: I knew the day I met Zack, he'd cause me pain. (After a few moments of silence, Booth gets up to try to break the ice.) BOOTH: So, what do ya got there, Hodgins? HODGINS: (looking into the box) This is, uh, Zack's favorite stuff. ANGELA: Well, what are we gonna do with it. CAM: Where he's going, they might actually let him have it. (As items are pulled out and commented on, Brennan is watching but something is obviously bothering her. Booth pulls out a harmonica then Cam pulls out a trophy that says, "Zack Addy - King of the Lab") CAM: Oh, I got him that. HODGINS: Yeah, thanks. He waved that in my face every day. (taking a book out of the box) Pocket Kama Sutra. I gave him this so he'd stop asking Booth s*x questions. (Booth plays the harmonica.) BOOTH: Got Zack this before he went to Iraq. ANGELA: (pulling out a piece of paper) Hey, I drew this for him. (It's a place mat with a caricature of Zack. It says "ZACK "King of the Lab") (Booth pulls a letter out of the box) SWEETS: It's interesting that all of his favorite things are objects you people gave to him. BRENNAN: I never gave him anything. ANGELA: Brennan, he totally loved you. I mean, as much as he was capable. BRENNAN: (getting up) But I never gave him anything. (She leaves and Angela starts after her until...) BOOTH: Angela. (Booth then follows after Brennan who is sitting on the stairs, head in her hands, when he finally catches up to her. He sits down next to her and starts reading the letter that he had pulled out of the box earlier.) BOOTH: (reading from the letter) "Dear Mr. Addy. It is my pleasure to offer you the post of my intern in Forensic Anthropology. I choose you from hundreds of applicants because of your knowledge, your desire to learn and because I feel you will find a home here." (he sets the letter in the envelope) I think you gave him something great, Bones. (Booth hands her the letter. She takes it and then places her head on his shoulder. He places his head against hers as the screen fades to black.) END.

After Booth's "funeral" (which was in fact a covert operation, Booth being very much alive), a human jawbone shows up at the Jeffersonian, Brennan and the team quickly realize the Gormogon serial killer has struck again. In a shocking turn of events, an explosion in the lab injures Zack and Hodgins, Cam discovers that Gormogon's silver skeleton is missing from the basement vault. The team realize that it is an "inside job" and every Jeffersonian employee as well as Booth and Sweets become suspects.

fd_Frasier_04x14

fd_Frasier_04x14_0

Act One. Scene One - Apartment Martin is sat in his Armchair reading the paper, Daphne is sat at the table writing a letter. Daphne notices something. Daphne: Oh dear, your chair's got another big rip in the bottom. Martin: [looks] Where? [spots it] Oh! Hand me my re-upholstery kit, would you? [She slings him a large roll of duct tape] Thanks. He kneels down to patch the rip. Frasier comes out of the hall dressed in his best suit. Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, don't you look smart. Frasier: Well, I don't feel smart. I let Roz set me up another one of her blind dates. Daphne: Who's the lucky woman? Frasier: Oh, a friend from her aerobics class. Oh, perhaps it won't be so bad. She's thirty-two, has a terrific body, and apparently thinks I'm God's gift to broadcasting. Martin: Well, at least you have one thing in common. Frasier grimly watches his father repairing his chair. Frasier: Dad, when are you going to stop blighting the environment with this atrocity? [doorbell] My God, can't you see that it wants to die? Let it go! Martin: [sits back down] You know, I keep having this dream where you say the same words. Only I'm in the hospital and you're slipping the nurse a twenty. Frasier: Dad, that will never happen. Martin: Thank you. Frasier: I have medical power of attorney, it won't cost me a thing. He answers the door to Niles and Girl, his Maris-like dog. Niles: Hello, Frasier. We were in the neighborhood for a pedicure and a seaweed wrap and we thought we'd stop by. Of course, the pedicure was for... Martin: Stop right there! There's no way to finish that sentence that'll make me proud. Niles: I have some wonderful news. I just signed a lease for an apartment in one of the most exclusive buildings in Seattle. Frasier: You don't mean? Niles: I do. As of next week, I'll be a resident of... [holds out his lease] the Montana. Frasier: Niles, why would you want to live in such a stodgy building? When I applied there they treated me as if I was riff-raff. Niles: Well, if you're going to answer your own questions, what do you need me for? The best part is, I'll never have to give my address again. From now on, I'll simply be, "Dr. Niles Crane, The Montana." Daphne: That's a lovely building. I've only been there once, applying for a job. Niles: I can't imagine anyone turning down a chance to hire you. Daphne: I hope you're right, I haven't heard yet. Well, goodnight! She leaves to her bedroom. The three Crane men look unsettled. Martin: Hey, Frasier, you don't... Frasier: Oh, just relax, dad. It's just her way of angling for more vacation time. Martin: What if she isn't? Frasier: Well, they'd still have to call me for a reference. Either way, she's not going anywhere. Niles looks suddenly at Girl, who is not moving. Niles: Gosh, that's uncanny, dad. Martin: What is? Niles: The way she's taken with you. She's absolutely mesmerized. Martin: She is not. Niles: Oh, she is. She's just playing hard to get. [pushes Girl toward Martin] Go to Grampa. Isn't she warm and cuddly? [Martin reluctantly takes her on his lap] Oh, I see I'm going to have a tough time tearing you two apart! Frasier: You know, I'm going to go out on a limb here. The Montana doesn't accept pets, does it? Niles: On the contrary, they welcome them. Just not cats or dogs. Martin: Well, then you're in luck, because I don't know what the hell this thing is! Frasier: There is no way that dog is moving in here with us! Niles: Oh please, at least if she's here I'll be able to come and visit her. I cannot turn her over to strangers. [whispering confidentially] She worships me. Frasier: Oh pul-eeze, you must realise that dog has no genuine affection for you. [Niles looks confused] You only pretend that she does because she's a canine substitute for Maris! Niles: That is the most absurd psychobabble I have ever heard. Frasier: She is highly strung, cold to the touch and ignores you. My God, stand her upright, take ten pounds off her, put her in a Chanel suit, whatcha got? Niles: I'm sorry, that's ridiculous. Frasier: Oh, is it really? Do you remember that little pilbox hat that Maris wore to the the Duchamps' wedding? Niles: Absolutely. Frasier takes a small dip bowl and puts it at a cocked angle on Girl's head. As Martin nods in agreement, Niles staggers backward against the couch. [SCENE_BREAK] JUST CALL ME STINKY Scene Two - KACL. The next day, Frasier enters his booth. Roz is waiting with a clipboard. Roz: Hi, Frasier. So how did it go with Rita last night? Frasier: She didn't quite take to me. Roz: Oh, you're just being hard on yourself like you always are. Frasier: You tell me. Over appetizers, she suddenly remembered that she had a very early morning meeting, so she suggested we skip the jazz club after dinner. Roz: People have meetings. Frasier: Mmm-hmm. When the waiter suggested a soufflé for desert that would take an extra thirty minutes she said, "Oh Dear God, no!" Roz: She was probably on a diet. Frasier: After I dropped her off at home, I noticed she had left her suede jacked in my car. I called to offer to swing it by and she said, and I quote, "Just keep it." Roz: What did you do to her? Frasier: Nothing! God Roz, I have had it. In the past six months I have done everything a man can possibly do to meet a woman. Singles bars, blind dates, lecture series at the museum. I've even spent hours in the grocery store trying to look helpless in the produce department! That's it. I'm taking myself off the market. Frasier Crane has thumped his last melon. Roz: You know, Frasier... Frasier: Roz, Roz, please. I know what you're going to say. I should climb back on that horse, I'm too great a catch to give up now. Roz: No, I think you should give up. Frasier: [startled:] What? I don't really want to give up. I don't really want to give up, I was just saying that to get your sympathy. Roz: It happens sometimes. When you get into a really bad streak, you start to get desperate. Women can smell it. Frasier: Smell it? Roz: Mmm-hmm. As soon as the man begins to get overeager - you know, like complimenting you too much, or laughing too hard at all your jokes - you just want to turn and run! Frasier: I don't do that! Roz: Oh honey, wake up and smell... well yourself! You just have to air it out a little bit. And in my experience, the minute you stop looking, the perfect person falls right in your lap. Frasier: Well Roz, as much as I appreciate you comparing me to a dead squirrel in a heating duct, I think you're wrong. Christine, an employee, enters with some files. Christine: Hey, Roz. Roz: Hey. Christine: I got those pictures you were looking for. Hey, Dr. Crane. Frasier: Hey, you look really lovely today, Christine. It is Christine, isn't it? Christine: That's what it says on my driver's license. Frasier: [laughs hard] Very charming. [Roz and Christine leave] Oh God, I reek, don't I? [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - The Montana Niles is completing the tour of his new, stylish apartment with Daphne and Martin. The decor and furniture are as expensive and classy as Frasier's, but the style is a little older. They end up on the small balcony overlooking the main room. Niles: ...inlay of Philippine mahogany. And we conclude our little tour back here in the living room. Daphne: It's very posh. [doorbell] Martin: Niles, why a bed in the living room? Niles: That's not a bed, dad. It's an antique fainting couch. Daphne: My goodness, they had furniture for everything back then, didn't they! Niles answers the door to Frasier. Niles: Ah, I'm glad you made it. Frasier: You know, Niles, this precious little building of yours isn't as exclusive as you think. Your doorman waved me right through. Niles: Oh, that's because he knows you. Frasier: Oh, fan of my show? Niles: No, he lives in your building. Martin: So Niles, what did you do about the dog? Niles: Oh, I found a wonderful family to adopt her. Daphne: Well, I'm sure it won't take you long to adjust to being alone again. Niles: Well, actually I won't have to. Follow me, there's someone I'd like you to meet. It was love at first sight! She's very exotic, only eats every other day, and she's so white she's almost blue! [exits to the kitchen] Martin: Wow, I'm getting nervous. That's what he said just before he introduced us to Maris! The gang enter Niles's kitchen, where a cockatoo is perched on his shoulder. Niles: Everybody, meet Baby. Baby: I love you. Frasier: You bought a bird? Niles: Well, I started to think how quiet it would be around here, and she is lovely and she is so affectionate. Baby: I love you. Niles: Ah! She says that all the time. I love you too, baby. Baby: I love you, grandma. Niles: She's still in transition from her last owner. The door buzzer sounds, causing Baby to squawk and dig her claws into Niles's shoulder. Niles: Ow, ow! Let go of my shoulder! You don't like that noise, do you, baby? Go to your food. [she does] Oh, good girl. Excuse me. He leaves the kitchen to answer the door. Daphne: Oh you know, I've always been fascinated by these birds that can actually learn how to talk. Martin: [walks to Baby] Aw, they can't talk. They just a drill a few words into them at the pet shop and they never learn anything else after that. Frasier: It is attractive, though. Martin: Yeah well, that's the way they are: Cute but stupid. Baby: Cute but stupid! Martin straightens up, surprised. Baby mimics him. Martin nods his head, Baby does the same. He starts bobbing up and down... Frasier: You know Daphne, I think we should leave these two alone. I sense a real battle of wits shaping up. Martin carries on. Frasier enters the living room as Niles shuts the door with mail in hand. Niles: Well, I'm off to an auspicious start in the building. One of my neighbours got my mail by mistake. Look at those bills, what must she think of me? Frasier: But Niles, everyone gets bills. Niles: Not at the Montana. They all have people. Their bills go to their people. I want them to think I have people too. I used to have people... only they were Maris's people. Frasier: Niles, if you keep this up you won't even have the people who don't care you don't have people. Niles: Well, it just shows how essential it is to make a good impression when moving into a new building, which is why I'm throwing a dinner party Friday night for a few select residents. I'll show them such a good time there'll be no question that I belong here. Frasier: Am I invited? Niles: Yes you are, but I'm afraid you can't bring a date. You know how I hate a crowded table. Frasier: It's alright. I've taken myself off the dating circuit. I'm afraid I was getting a bit desperate. Niles: Well, I was a bit concerned when you called to ask if Gloria was our first or second cousin. Martin sticks his head out of the kitchen. Martin: Niles, you gotta see this, your bird's eating peanut butter! It's even funnier than when Eddie does it! Niles: Dad! As Niles gets up, the door buzzes again. Niles: Frasier, would you get that? And pretend you're my people. Niles rushes into the kitchen to stop Martin whilst Frasier answers the door to a woman; Stephanie Garret. Stephanie: Oh, I'm sorry, I was looking for Dr. Crane. I found some more of his mail. Frasier: Well, I'm a Dr. Crane. I'm Niles's brother. Stephanie: Oh my gosh, you're Frasier Crane from the radio, aren't you? Oh, I love your show. Frasier: Thank you. Stephanie: Oh, Stephanie Garret. Frasier: [shakes hands] Stephanie. Stephanie: You know, em, you are not going to believe this but when I was a freshman at Harvard, I saw you perform the pirate king in a production of "Pirates Of Penzance." Frasier: Oh my God. Stephanie: No, no, you were great. You were so good, I brought my husband back to see you the next night. Well, he wasn't my husband then. Well, actually he's not my husband now. Frasier: Glad to hear that. No, glad to hear you came for a second time, not that you have an ex-husband. You know, I have one too. Not a husband, ex-wife. I mean a woman... is it getting hot in here? Stephanie: Yeah, a bit! [flustered laugh] Well, it was nice to meet you. Frasier: Wait, you know, Niles is having a little party on Friday for some of his enchanting new neighbors. [Niles appears listening in] Is there any chance you could join us? Stephanie: Yes, I think I could, if Niles has room. Niles: [faked:] The more the merrier! Stephanie: I'll look forward to it. [leaves] Frasier: As will I. She leaves. Frasier closes the door, excited. Frasier: Roz was right! As soon as I stop looking for the perfect woman, she falls right in my lap! Niles: Well, I hope you'll be comfortable with that arrangement, because that's where she'll be seated Friday night! End Of Act One. (Time: 10:20) Act Two. GET A GRIP [SCENE_BREAK] Scene One - The Montana In his apartment, Niles is setting the table with Baby on his shoulder. Niles: Bon Appetite, Bon Appetite. Now, you try it, Baby. Bon Appetite. Baby: Bon Appetite. Niles: What a quick little study you are. Bird-brained indeed! You already know more French than my father. The door buzzer sounds, making Baby dig her claws into him. Niles: Ow! Boy, if you don't get used to that doorbell we're going to have to give you a serious manicure. [sounds again and she digs in] Ow! I'm coming, I'm coming, stop ringing! He opens the door to Frasier. Frasier: Oh, good evening, Niles. Or should I say, "avast ye, matey!" Niles: I don't have time for your badinage, I'm only just putting out my place cards. Frasier: [picks up card] Place cards, how elegant. Who is Peter Soutendeck? Niles: He's on your right. He's an investment banker from Amsterdam, and apparently he handles a lot of Bill Gates's money. So don't say anything derogatory about the Netherlands or Microsoft. Frasier: Oh, damn. There goes my opening joke about the Dutchman trying to install Windows '95. [looks] Stephanie's over here, I'm not sitting next to her. Niles: I know, you see, Peter's bringing a date so I thought it would be better... [spots Frasier re-arranging:] What are youdoing? Frasier: Putting Stephanie next to me! Niles: And throwing off my whole seating arrangement? Frasier: Niles, surely you realise I've spent a long time looking for a woman like Stephanie. Niles: Yeah. Frasier: Now, listen. I'm afraid if you want to impress these people you've got to get a little more atmosphere here in the room. You know, I'll light the fire while you dim the lights a bit. Niles: [runs to lights] Oh, that's a good idea. By the way, be careful with that fireplace, it can be a bit... It's too late and Frasier causes the fire to flare up suddenly, causing Baby to jump onto Niles's head and dig her claws in. The flame shrinks immediately, but Baby stays put. Niles: Holding on a bit tight there, Baby, aren't you? Go to your perch. Go to your perch. [Baby doesn't move] Frasier, this bird's holding onto my scalp. [tries to move her but she won't budge] I can't pull it off. Frasier: Niles, after that jaunty beret you wore to brunch last Sunday, you can pull anything off. Niles and Frasier attempt to pull it off. Frasier begins pulling sharply which only causes distress for Niles. Niles: Get the lighter. Put fire near my head. Fire will frighten her off. Try that. Frasier tries this but Baby simply digs in deeper. Frasier: Oh here, the phone. He hands the phone to Niles who holds it next to his head and tries to get the bird to perch on the aerial. Frasier is surprised. Frasier: Niles, call for help! Niles: And who do you suggest we call, a Fez rental? Go on, Baby, go to your perch. [panicking:] Go to your food, go to your bed! Frasier: Niles, don't panic! Try to stay calm. Niles: How can I stay calm? I have six dinner guests arriving in exactly... The door buzzer sounds making Baby dig in even deeper. Niles: Ah, ow! Frasier: You go call the vet and I'll go and take care of things out here. Niles rushes to the kitchen whilst Frasier answers the door to Stephanie. Frasier: Oh, hello. Stephanie: Hello. Frasier: Please come in. Stephanie: [looking around] I'm not early, am I? Frasier: No, not at all. May I get you a drink? Stephanie: Ah, yes. White wine, please. [they head to the wine desk where Frasier pours] What a lovely table! [points to dining area] Frasier: Yes, I notice we happen to be sitting next to one another. Stephanie: Good, now I won't have to change the place cards around. Frasier: Well, [lifts glass] to the girl next door. Stephanie: Well, actually it's a little further down the hall. Frasier: Well, if you need a ride home tonight don't hesitate to ask. The door buzzer sounds creating painful noises from the kitchen. Stephanie: What was that? Frasier: Oh, I'm afraid Niles probably burned himself on something. Don't worry, he'll be fine. He answers the door to three more guests, an elderly couple and a younger woman. Frasier: Hello, please do come in. I'm Frasier Crane, Niles's brother. Carol: I'm Carol Larkin, my husband Alfred, this is our niece, Wella. Frasier: Nice to meet you. Please make yourself comfortable, I'm just going to run into the kitchen and check on the bird. Frasier enters the kitchen where Niles is on the phone to the vet. Imagine the sight. Niles: [on phone:] Uh-huh, uh-huh, so you've seen this thing before. I see. Alright, well, thank you. Frasier: What did he say? Niles: Well, he thinks she was traumatized by the fire and she had a shock. He said we shouldn't try to force her off, we need to relax her. Frasier: Fine, you take care of that, I've got the future Mrs. Crane out there in the other room. Niles: Well, wait, wait, wait, wait, how am I supposed to relax this bird? Frasier: I don't know. Oh, try delivering that keynote you gave at the psychiatric association last spring. Frasier enters the room again where all are sitting. Frasier: Everything alright out here? Alfred: Will Dr. Crane be joining us soon? Frasier: Oh yes, I believe so, any minute now. The doorbell sounds again, which causes more audible distress for Niles. Carol: Oh dear, something wrong? Frasier: I keep telling him, get yourself a decent oven mitt, but you know... He answers the door to Peter and Elaine. Frasier: Hello, please come in. I'm Frasier, Niles's brother. Peter: Peter Soutendeck, nice to meet you. This is Elanie Hensley. Elaine: Actually your brother and I are well acquainted. Maris is a dear, dear friend of mine. Frasier: Really? Elaine: Yes, [looks] so where is he? Frasier: He's in the kitchen, savoring for you tonight a lovely pheasant. We hear bird squawks from the kitchen. Frasier: As you know, he's a stickler for freshness! Frasier runs to the kitchen where Niles is standing with Baby still on his head, but with a towel over her. Try and imagine the sight. Frasier: Oh, what now? Niles: I'm trying to pretend like it's night so it'll fall asleep. Frasier: Well, you look very cute. Baby: Cute but stupid! Frasier: Listen Niles, I really can't stall them any longer, they're starting to ask questions. The Dutchman's date even knows Maris. Niles: What? What's her name? Frasier: Elaine somebody. Niles: Which Elaine? Maris knows three Elaines. Frasier: I don't know, she's very thin, she's exquisitely dressed, and dripping with attitude. Niles: Oh, like that narrows it down! Frasier and Niles pop their head round the door spying on Elaine taking a sip from her drink. They go back to the kitchen. Niles: Damn! I was afraid of that, it's the bad Elaine, Maris's oldest friend. Nothing would delight her more than to report back to Maris that I threw a soiree with a cockatoo on my head! Baby: Bon Appetite! The guests in the main room hear Baby's first French word. Elaine: What was that? Frasier: [entering with crab puffs and covering up:] Bon Appetite! Crab puff, anyone? Bon Appetite! Later on, Frasier is acting like host, telling the guests a joke. Frasier: At which point, the woman said to Churchill, "Sir, if you were my husband I would put poison in your coffee." To which Churchill sorely replied, "Madame, if you were my wife I'd drink it!" [laughs on his own] Perhaps you've heard that story. Alfred: Yes, from Churchill. Frasier: Well, can I freshen anyone's drink? Everybody holds up their empty wine glasses. Frasier: Perhaps I'll just bring the bottle around. As he goes to the bar, Stephanie comes over to him. Stephanie: I didn't realise that you were going to play host all night. I mean, we've hardly had a chance to talk, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to make it an early night. Yes, I'm leaving to Paris first thing in the morning and I was really hoping that we could spend some time alone. Frasier: And so we shall. As of this moment, it's just the two of us, you'll get my complete attention.. [sees Elaine walking to kitchen and he runs to block her] ...just after this. Oh Elaine, would you like a fill up? Elaine: Well actually I was seeing what Niles is up to in there, perhaps I can be of some help. Frasier: Well, you know you could pour the wine... Niles pulls Frasier into the kitchen, he still has the towel over his head. Frasier: You are totally ruining my chances with Stephanie! Niles: [sarcastic:] Yes, that was my first concern too. Toss. [Frasier begins tossing salad] You can't abandon me just because you're hoping she is just as horny as you are. Frasier: The first thing you've got to do is go to the vet and have that thing removed! Niles: Oh, are you mad? I can't walk through there with this thing on my head, I'd be the laughingstock of the Montana. Frasier: You can't spend the night in the kitchen! Niles: Frasier, these people live for gossip. I've only been here three days and I already know that Peter's a letch and Carol's a lush. What do think they'd say about me? Frasier: You know, I've spent the last forty-five minutes with these people. I think they are kind and understanding, I think they'll be very sympathetic with your problem. Niles: Really? Frasier: Yes. Niles: You don't think they'll laugh at me? Frasier: No, I don't. And furthermore, if you stay in here they'll think you're rude, bad-mannered, and - dare I say it - a bad host. Niles: Fine, I'll go out there. But if they ridicule me, let it be on your head! Open the door. Frasier enters the living room, telling them the news. Frasier: Everyone? Excuse me, Niles has had a little mishap, he will have to go to the doctor. It's nothing serious, he just has to have something removed. Niles! Niles enters with Baby on his head but without the towel. Frasier: You see, his bird suffered a kind of trauma and has attached itself to the scalp and we just... Niles: Frasier, Frasier, this isn't necessary. Good evening, everyone, I'm terribly sorry for all this. Elaine: [sympathetic:] Oh Niles, you mean all this time you've been hiding in there because of your bird? Oh, you poor thing. Peter: You know, the same thing happened to my mother once, only with her cat. Now that was a sight! Carol: Who hasn't had an embarrassing moment at a party? [drunk, she spills wine all over her and laughs] Look, I just spilled wine on my dress! Niles: This is such a relief. I must say, I feel a bit silly for staying in there for so long. Alfred: Are you in any pain? Niles: No, no. As long as no-one rings the doorbell I'm fine. Niles makes signs of talons digging in which makes them laugh. Frasier: Well, you know, you seem to relaxing a bit, maybe the bird will relax. Shall we give this another minute or two, everyone? [everyone agrees] Niles: Alright then, who needs more wine? [he begins to pour still with the bird on his head] Alfred, white for you. And would anyone like some cheese or a cracker? Baby: Squawk. Niles: No, no, Baby, guests first! Oh Carol, that dress is absolutely smashing! Carol: Why, thank you. Baby: Carol's a lush. Carol: Did the bird just say something? Wella: It sounded like it said... Baby: Carol's a lush. Alfred: Where would a bird learn a phrase like that? Niles: Birds today! You don't know where they pick these things up! Well, shall we all join Peter at the table? Baby: Peter's a letch. Peter: What did that say? Niles: I said, "let's all sit down." Baby: Peter's a letch. Peter: Is this your idea of a joke? Alfred: I've had quite enough of this. [they begin to leave] Niles: Hang on Carol, don't go, I did not teach the bird these phrases, I don't know where she picked them up. Frasier: Please, you'll stay won't you, Stephanie? Baby: Stephanie's horny! Stephanie: [agape] Oh my God, is that what you've been saying about me behind my back?! Frasier: No, no, I never said that about you, I said that about me! I'm the horny one, all I said was you were very cute. Baby: Cute but stupid! Stephanie: [sarcastic:] Well, thank you both for a wonderful evening! Good evening! Frasier: Stephanie, please let me explain. Niles: [follows her to the door] I know we got off on the wrong foot, but we are going to be neighbours, so... She rings the door buzzer and holds it down, making him scream. She leaves. Frasier: Well... thank you very much! Niles: Oh please, I lost far more than you did! Frasier: Really? That was one of the most promising romantic prospects I've had in years! What have you lost? The respect of a parched lush and a Dutch letch! Thanks for learning that, Baby! Niles: Alright, I apologize. Frasier: Thank you. I suppose I could drive you to the vet now. Maybe we should take the service elevator? Niles: Oh, what's the point? I don't think my reputation can suffer anymore than it already has. Frasier: I wouldn't be so sure about that. Wearing a white bird after Labor day! They leave. End of Act Two. (Time: 21:15) [SCENE_BREAK] Niles, with no bird, is on the phone talking urgently to the vet. The shot pans to Frasier sitting on the fainting couch with Baby on HIS head, with a towel draped over her. He dips a cracker in hs wine, and tries to feed it to her. Baby won't eat it, so he grumpily eats it himself.

Niles is moving into an exclusive new apartment building: The Montana. Anxious to make a good impression, he plans to throw a dinner party for his new neighbours, one of whom is a young woman (Stephanie) who has taken a shine to Frasier. After being forced to part with his whippet , who he finally realises was essentially a canine substitute for his ex-wife Maris , Niles acquires a cockatoo called Baby. The bird is easily startled by sharp noises, such as the doorbell. This starts to cause problems on the evening of the dinner party, when she is traumatised by Frasier lighting the fire, and digs her claws into Niles' scalp. She subsequently refuses to let go, and grips tighter every time the doorbell sounds as the guests arrive. Frasier is compelled to play host, leaving little time to talk to Stephanie.

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Act One. Scene One - Radio Station. Frasier is signing off for the show. Roz is in her booth. Frasier: Till tomorrow then, this is Dr. Frasier Crane wishing you... Roz knocks on the booth. Frasier looks around a sees a grumpy old man looking in through the screen. Frasier: Oh, yes. Be sure to tune in later for the final broadcast of KACL's loveable curmudgeon, Chester Ludgate. You know, most of us here at the station were surprised to hear that he was retiring. I for one thought he'd never leave. [presses button] Roz: [enters] So, should we order a pizza? Frasier: Sorry? Roz: Those PSA's you promised you'd help me with are due tomorrow. Frasier: Oh gosh, Roz, I really am sorry. You know, it seems Mrs. Delafield's daughter is coming here to join us as an intern. I promised Kenny I'd show her around and take her to dinner. Roz: So, while I'm working late, eating my vending-machine dinner, you'll be out having a gourmet meal with some cute rich girl. Frasier: Oh, you can make anything sound unfair. Roz exits to her booth as Kenny and the cute rich girl, Poppy, enter the booth. Poppy is like a character out of "Clueless": Long blond hair, dressed totally in a red "girly" outfit with red high heels and red hand bag. She speaks with an annoying, ditzy accent. Kenny: Hey, Doc. Frasier: Kenny, and who have we here? Kenny: Dr. Frasier Crane, I'd like you to meet Miss Poppy Delafield. Well, gotta run. [swiftly exits] Frasier: Poppy, what a pleasure to meet the daughter of our beloved station owner. So, what brings you to KACL? Frasier cannot get a word in throughout the following. Poppy: Well, I was in Paris last month - or was it Madrid? - No, Paris, and I said to myself, "that's enough gallivanting for you, young lady, it's time to get a job." So I flew home and asked my mother, Minnie, if I could nose around and see if some job, you know, spoke to me at one of her radio stations, or TV stations or newspapers. But not her brewery, thank you very much! So, here I am. Sleeves rolled up, ready to learn. Is this where you do your show? Of course it is, there's your mike right in front of me. Earth to Poppy! She laughs; Gil walks past the booth in the corridor. Poppy: There's Gil, I met him earlier. Hi, Gil! She waves, Gil runs away. Frasier also waves and then wonders what he is doing and looks back at Poppy, who carries on. Poppy: Nice man. I think it's marvelous what you do. To really help people. Unlike the psychiatrists I've been to, both of whom had some sort of, I don't know, narcolepsy. I sympathize, but if you can't stay awake, don't be a psychiatrist! Behind her back, Frasier removes his cell phone, dials a number, and then hides it in his pocket. Poppy: To do what you do, to face that microphone day after day and know that for the next three hours you're going to have to talk and talk and talk? I could not do it! I would freeze! Literally freeze! She laughs giddily. Then the phone on the console rings, stopping her. Frasier: Excuse me. [grabs the phone] Hello? Yes, Dad. All right, calm down, calm down. Was there much blood? Poppy: Oh my gosh! Frasier: All right, Dad, I'll be there as soon as I can, hang on a second. [puts phone to chest, to Poppy] I'm terrible sorry, there's been a small emergency at home. I'm gonna have to pass on today, may I take a rain check? Poppy: Oh, and we were having such a nice chat. Roz enters. Frasier: This is Roz, my producer. You know Roz, I'll gladly do those promos if you would be so kind as to take Poppy to dinner and answer her questions. Roz: Sure, if you don't get bored listening to me drone on about radio. Frasier: Oh, I don't think there's much chance of that! Poppy whizzes Roz out of the booth, chatting to her on the way. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. Frasier and Daphne are sitting at the dining table. Martin enters and hurries Eddie into the apartment, checking the hallway for people. Frasier: What the hell is happening? Martin: Well, remember last week when Eddie killed his first rat? And how proud I was? I told you that story, right? Frasier: Yes, Dad, you told us. If you had a guitar you would have written a ballad. Martin: Well, we were just down in the basement and I saw another rat. I said, "go get him, boy!" So just as he picked him up, had him in his teeth, shaking the life out of him, and I hear this little bell, ting-a-ling. And I thought, "that's funny - rats don't wear bells!" Daphne: Oh, little Robbie Greenberg's missing hamster! Frasier: Yes, I read that flyer. He was offering a ten dollar reward. Martin: Well, the most we can claim at this point is about six-fifty. Frasier: You know Dad, this is actually your fault. You know if you hadn't encouraged him after he killed his first rat he wouldn't have moved on to murdering hamsters! Martin: Well, what are you talking about? We don't know it was Eddie who killed him. He might have had a heart attack, or some kind of seizure when he bounced off the boiler! The doorbell sounds. Frasier crosses the room and opens the door to Niles. He is carrying a magazine and two tickets. A smile is beaming across his face. Frasier: Niles! Niles: Prepare to whoop like a sweepstakes winner. Cancel our dinner! I've scored us two seats, front row for the event of the season. Frasier: You mean...? Niles: Yes. Frasier: But...? Niles: I know! [proudly holds up the tickets] Frasier: Niles! Martin: [aside to Daphne] I love it when they do it this way, I can pretend it's a Seahawks game. He sits in his chair as Frasier eagerly takes the tickets and scans them. Frasier: My God, it's for the Cecilia Bartoli concert! My God, they've been sold out for months. How on earth did you score these tickets? Niles: I simply phoned the box office and said this is Niles Crane, the new arts critic for "The Monocle." Frasier takes in a gasp of half delight for his brother and half jealousy as Niles slaps the magazine on the table. Daphne: "The Monocle." Isn't that that magazine they hand out to rich people in all the snootiest apartment buildings? Niles: And the snootiest hotels. Frasier: How could this happen, Niles? Niles: I was at a party thrown by the publisher, Olga Suerbread. The pretentious fop who had the job before me was there too, spouting sheer drivel about Leonard Bernstein. Being polite I kept my tongue sheathed. Until he referred to Bernstein's conducting as "overrated." Frasier: [indignant] I assume you pounced? Niles: [dignified] Like a ninja! By the time I had finished with him, Olga could see I was a far better critic than that arrogant poseur. Daphne: She fired him right there? Niles: Well, he was leaving anyway for his junior year abroad. Frasier: Well, it's a post. Congratulations are in order. You know, who would have thought my little brother a professional music critic? Niles: Oh, oh, and not just music. I can review anything I want. Theater, dance, art exhibits. Frasier: You don't say? Niles: Yes, from now on, wherever we go, I'll be armed with my trusty pad and penlight. Frasier: Wherever we go? What fun. Niles: [takes some opera glasses from his pocket] I'll have to take a damp cloth to these opera glasses, although I don't know what will we use them for, sitting in the front row? Unless it's to scan the faces of the jealous people behind us. Niles exits to the powder room. Martin: So, are you sure you're okay with Niles getting this critic job? Frasier: Why wouldn't I be, Dad? Martin: Oh, come on, I know what it's like with you two when one of you gets something the other one doesn't have. It's like when you were kids. Niles got a telescope, so you had to have a telescope. You got that funny little guitar, Niles... Frasier: Dad, it was called a lute! Martin: Oh yeah, whatever. Frasier: Dad, believe me, I do not envy Niles his critic's job. As kids we would aggravate the situation by flaunting our toys in each other's faces. We're much more mature than that now, all right? Niles enters from the powder room. Frasier: Niles, you know, it's about time we got going. We don't want to be late for the curtain. Niles: [flaunting] Don't be silly, I'm press now. They'll hold it. Niles walks out with great esteem, his chin pointed up. Frasier grovels behind him, ignoring Martin's smug look. [SCENE_BREAK] HOW A POPPY BECOMES HEROIN Scene Three - Café Nervosa. Front stage, Frasier and Roz are having a coffee and a chat together. Meanwhile upstage, Poppy is telling a weary crowd around her (including Gil and Kenny) about her life. Poppy: So, that's how it ends: B minus average, ten extra pounds and still no boyfriend. Front stage, Frasier and Roz watch on. Roz: I see Poppy's having a little party. Frasier: That's not a party, that's a hostage situation. Roz: Thank God today is her last day. You know, this morning she cornered me by the coffee machine and told me her whole life story. I just wanted to grab her by the throat and say, "What am I, your biographer? Shut up!" Frasier laughs. Gil finally gets out of the "party" and arrives at Frasier's table. Gil: Dear God! I thought I'd never break free. I feel like a mongoose at the mercy of a chatty cobra. Gil exits as Niles enters with a newspaper. Niles: Hello, all. I see you all ready have the "Times." I'm quoted there today. Frasier: In the "Times?" Niles: Yes, here, [shows Roz the bit] it's in an ad for "St. Joan": "'Incandescent,' Niles Crane, 'The Monocle.'" Roz: [stands] Wow! Excuse me while I go and tell all my friends I know you! Roz goes off to the counter as Niles takes her seat. Niles: [yawns] Forgive me. Olga and I were up till all hours at a party for the "Royal Shakespeare Company." I'm rubbing pretty impressive shoulders these days. And to think it's all because I have a small column. Frasier: [keeping his eyes on his newspaper] That would certainly be the Freudian interpretation! Niles: If I were to review that attitude I would say it was a chilling portrait of malice and envy. Frasier: Oh Niles, I'm not the least bit envious that you get to spout off in that glorified cat-box liner. Niles: You just can't stand it that my opinion means more than yours. That the arts community looks to me for my insight, my approval, my thumbs-up. Frasier: I think we both know what your thumb's up these days! Niles's temper flares, and he gets up. Niles: That's a good one, Frasier. Perhaps you should use it in your column. Oh, that's right - you don't HAVE one! He exits and Roz joins Frasier with their coffees. Frasier: That smug jackass! Roz: Frasier, you have a radio show. If you wanted to say what you thought of a play, what's stopping you? Frasier: It's not the same thing as being a real critic, Roz. You don't get free tickets... you don't get quoted... forget hobnobbing. Roz: My God, this competition between you and your brother is sick. Your obsessive one-upmanship. You're both going to end up bitter old cranks like Chester Ludgate. Frasier: You know, you do raise a good point, Roz. Roz: Thank you. Frasier: Chester's time slot is free, I could do my own arts show. Kenny passes, trying to hide from Poppy. Frasier: Kenny? Listen, Roz just had a wonderful idea. Kenny: Yeah, doc? Frasier: What do you say about yours truly hosting a bouncy little show about the arts in Seattle? Kenny: Culture? Wow! That's a great idea, let me chew on that and I'll get back to you. Kenny exits. Frasier: Great! You see, Roz, he loved your idea Roz: That was not my idea. Frasier: It was too your idea. Roz: It was not... Kenny enters again. Kenny: Look, Doc, honestly, I feel kinda bad about what I just did. I let you think there was a chance that I might you let you do this culture show and... there's not. Frasier: No chance at all? Kenny: No. I mean, come on Doc. You, culture, opera. Who's listening? Not me! [laughs] Kenny exits. Frasier: Damn! I think my show's a good idea. Roz: Well, Kenny's the station manager and he doesn't. Frasier: You know what, frankly, I don't like his attitude. He acts as if he owns the station but he doesn't. Someone else does. Roz: Poppy! Frasier: The next best thing, her mother! Roz: No, Poppy. Roz points to Poppy who is coming over. Roz quickly picks up her bag and exits. Poppy: Hi, Frasier. Frasier: Hello, Poppy. Gosh, would you care to join? Poppy: I can't. Mummy's taking me shopping. She spoils me something horrible, I guess it's an "only child" thing. Anything I want, I just have to ask. Frasier: [getting an idea] Anything you want? Well, that's interesting. You know, Poppy, we could join each other for lunch after your shopping spree. Poppy: Oh, I'd love it. Frasier: Would you really? You know, it just seems a shame you leaving the station and us never really getting to know one another. Poppy: Oh, it hasn't been easy. I mean, with you having those dental appointments everyday. Frasier: [guilty] Yes. Let me walk you out. [stands up] Poppy: You know, I should get the name of your dentist. I can't find one I like. They're always giving me Novocaine when I don't need it and then it's hours before I can talk again. Frasier: Oh yes, well, I can give you his number, although I'm not sure he'd be any different. Frasier and Poppy exit. End of Act One. Act Two. Scene One - Frasier's Apartment. Daphne is sat, irritated, on Martin's chair. Frasier and Poppy are sat on the sofa with wine and paté on the table. The last chords of a Beethoven piece is being played on the stero. Frasier is air- conducting as Poppy is laid back listening. Frasier: Divine Beethoven. Extraordinary, isn't it? Poppy: Oh, yeah. And do you know what makes it more amazing? Frasier: What? Poppy: [declares] He was deaf! Frasier reacts to this. Daphne just stares at her as if she's mad. Frasier: Daphne, more paté please. Daphne picks up the paté dish still staring at Poppy before she exits to the kitchen. Frasier: Poppy, I can't tell you how wonderful it is to meet someone who shares my passion for the arts. It's a rare thing to find in Seattle, believe me. Poppy: Is it? Frasier: Oh yes, sadly. If only more people were better informed about our city's rich cultural treasures. [hinting] But what can we as mere radio folk do? Poppy: Well... [delayed reaction] What about a radio show all about the arts in Seattle? Frasier: Oh my God, Poppy, that's a wonderful idea. How do you do it, you just pull these things out of the air! Good Heavens, of course we'll have to find ourselves a proper host, but who? Poppy: Well someone very smart. Frasier: Oh, indeed. Poppy: And cultured. Frasier: [French] Bien Sur! Poppy: And with a lovely speaking voice. Frasier: [articulated] Oh, I don't think we need to look too far. Daphne enters with the paté. Daphne: Here you go. It's very rich, so don't spread it on too thick! Poppy: Frasier, I'm so glad you're on board with this. Frasier: You know, my only concern is will Kenny go for it? You see, he's a bit of a Philistine. It might be better if the suggestion came not actually from us but from... [no response] someone else. Poppy: Who? Frasier: Well, someone with more authority, power, influence... [no response] Someone older... [no response] A woman perhaps... [no response] Daphne: [fed up] Your mother! He means your mother! Poppy: Oh, what a great idea. I'll call her. [stands] Frasier: Here, use mine. Poppy: Thank you. Frasier hands Poppy his mobile, she sits and dials. Poppy: Hello, mummy. I'm with Frasier Crane and we think there should be an arts show on KACL. But I really like this idea! So, you'll call Kenny and tell him you want this, okay? Love you too, okay, bye. [hangs up] Frasier smiles at Daphne, Daphne gives a sarcastic smile back. Poppy: And the first show should be? Frasier: Why don't we start tomorrow? But we'll need something to review. Poppy: That revival of "A Streetcar Names Desire" opens tonight. Frasier: Brilliant, let's go together. I'll see you at the theater. Poppy gets up to the door and is greeted by Martin who enters with Eddie. Martin: Oh, Poppy. Poppy: [to Eddie, loudly as if he is a baby] Hewwo, wittle Eddie, did you have a good walk? [Eddie runs off] Martin: Actually, we've just been to the vets. Poppy: [standing in door way] I had the cutest little dog when I was young, named Mr. Poops, every time we took him to the vet’s he... Martin slams the door on her, drowning out her ramblings. Daphne: You took Eddie to the vet, is he sick? Martin: No, it turns out the building security camera caught Eddie taking out Robbie Greenberg's hamster. So this Greenberg kid's trying to make Eddie out to be some kind of pit bull, he's organizing some petition to get him banned from the building. Frasier: [repressing glee] Oh Dad, that's terrible. Martin: Yeah, it is. I don't know, I just wanted everyone to see what a nice, calm, friendly dog Eddie was. Frasier: Why did you take him to the vet? Martin: Tranquilizers. They don't even work anyway. I gave Eddie one of those pills on the ride home, they didn't do a thing to him. I don't know, I think maybe he needs something else. Daphne: Uh, Mr. Crane? Daphne points to Eddie laid, seemingly unconscious, on the upstage floor. Martin looks. Frasier: Looks like all he needs is a lava lamp and some sitar music. The doorbell sounds. Frasier crosses to the door and opens it to Niles. Frasier: Niles! Niles: Well, I'm glad to see you're in a better mood. I was hoping you'd lend me your Tennessee Williams biography. I have to review that revival of "Streetcar" tonight and I wanted to throw in some background stuff. Frasier: Well, I'm sorry Niles, you know, normally I would have lent it, but I'll be needing it myself for my own review. Niles: Oh. Well, in that case I'll... [realizes] What? Frasier: Oh, that's right, you wouldn't have heard. You see, starting tomorrow I'll be doing my own little arts show on KACL, twice weekly. Niles: You envious reptile! Frasier: [picks up plate] Paté? Niles: I achieve one thing, one tiny distinction you don't have, and what do you do? You run whining to Kenny for extra airtime. Frasier: I did no such thing! Daphne: No, he went to that Poppy woman instead. Niles: Poppy?! Frasier: [to Daphne] Is this a panel discussion? Niles: You loathe Poppy! Frasier: I do not, I think she's delightful, [to Daphne] isn't she? Daphne: She's an idiot! Niles: You conniving copy-cat! You have to have whatever I have. Frasier: I don't have what you have. My audience is twice as large as yours is! Niles: Well, at least my audience can read! Frasier: How dare you review my audience! Niles: I'll review anything I want to! Niles and Frasier, bickering, exit to the kitchen. Martin is laid back in his chair listening to them as Daphne watches Eddie. Daphne: [referring to Eddie] I've never seen him like this. Eyes bulging, tongue lolling out... Martin: Oh, he always gets that way when he fights with Niles! [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Radio Station. Roz is in her booth getting ready for the show as Frasier enters. Frasier: Good morning, Roz. Roz: Hi. Frasier: Are you ready for our debut? I'm thinking of calling the show, "Frasier Crane's 'I'll Say'." But with the "I'll" spelt like a theatre aisle. Roz: [sarcastic] That should work real well on radio! You better watch out for Kenny, I heard he's pretty mad at you for going over his head. Frasier: He can't be mad at me, the whole thing was Poppy's idea. [Poppy runs by outside] Oh, here she is now, come to wish me luck. Frasier and Roz enter the main booth where Poppy also enters. Poppy: I was afraid I wouldn't get here in time. Frasier: Oh, here, here. [sits her down in his chair] We've got a few minutes to go before the show starts. Take a seat, catch your breath. Oh gosh, I'm really glad you made it. You know, it wouldn't be a proper debut without you. Poppy: Wow! All these buttons, how do you do it? Frasier: Oh, it's not that complicated, really. You know, I turn on the mike here, these are my call buttons. Oh, and I push this button here if I want to cough. [shows her] Poppy: How does it make you cough? Roz and Frasier share a glance. Frasier: You know, Poppy, I hate to rush you, but we've just a couple of minutes before the show so... Poppy: [screams and stands up, only to sit back down again taking a script out of her handbag] I better get a move on. [reads her script] Frasier: Poppy, what are you doing? Poppy: Getting ready for my show. Roz: [confused] One minute! Frasier: Your show? Poppy: Well, okay, our show. After all, it was your idea for me to do it. [shouts] Everybody, everybody come in here, please. Everybody from the corridors comes to the doorway to listen to her. Even Kenny and Gil stand by. Poppy: Before I begin my new show I just want to say a few words. Yesterday, I was ready to leave KACL. To run away like I have from so many other challenges. It was the support of one man, Frasier Crane, [Frasier looks horrified at what he's done] that helped me overcome this shyness many people may have observed in me, and to follow my dreams. [crying] Oh my God, I want to cry. Gil: We all do. Roz: [angry] Ten seconds! Poppy gives a little shriek of excitement. Everyone exits apart from Poppy, who puts on the headphones. Roz to her booth. Kenny, Gil and Frasier to the corridor. Gil: How could you do this to us? Frasier: I had no idea she intended to stay. Kenny: That's not what her mother told me! Gil: And I thought I'd seen some cruel pranks in the army. Frasier: I assure you, she is way out of her depth here. Any moment she'll realize she's in over her head, she'll be begging me to go in there and take over for her. Meanwhile, Poppy's show begins. Poppy: [slow, excruciating voice obviously reading from a script] "A Streetcar Named Desire" is a very powerful Broadway play. It was made into a movie starring Marlon Brando. This gave the play a very personal relevance to me, as I once sat next to Mr. Brando on the Concord and we had a very lovely chat until a sudden cramp forced him to change seats." As Poppy's show continues, Frasier slowly collapses into a heap against the booth door in the corridor, almost crying at what he has done. Poppy: "Streetcar" tells the tragic tale of [Southern accent] Blanche DuBois, who's a very gentile, very proper Southern lady. [as if it is a horror movie] Or is she?! [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - Café Nervosa. Frasier enters the café to find Kenny, Gil and Roz chatting at a table. They all turn away from him and stop talking. Roz puts her purse on the free seat, forcing Frasier to sit with his brother. Rather than looking smug, however, Niles looks strangely sympathetic. Frasier: Go ahead, Niles, I know you were listening. Niles: Well, I wish you'd lent her your Tennessee Williams's biography. She wouldn't have kept forgetting his name and calling him "Indiana Jones." Frasier nods painfully. Niles: If it's any consolation, I got fired from "The Monocle." Frasier: [stops the smile creeping to his face] Niles, I'm sorry. Niles: I panned a wretched musical, not realizing the lead was the person who does Olga's hair. Frasier: She fired you just to placate her hairdresser? Niles: Electrolysist. And if you'd ever seen her in a sundress, you'd forgive her as I have. Frasier: Oh, I am sorry, Niles. Gosh, it's a shame, really. You know, I know how much you loved that job, and to lose it in such an unceremonious fashion. Niles: Well, you know... I was thinking of quitting that job anyway. Frasier: Oh? Niles: I thought I was spreading myself too thin. Getting distracted from my real work. Frasier: I had the exact same thought. Even as I was preparing my show, I thought, "Am I being fair to my regular listeners?" Niles: They do depend on you. Frasier: As do your patients. Niles: Thank you. Frasier: God, is it any wonder we find ourselves ex-critics? Niles: We were meant to lose those jobs. Frasier: It's as if the Gods of psychiatry, jealous of our dallyings, have quietly stepped in and put things right. Niles: Well put! Frasier: Thank you. You know, Niles, if you're feeling a bit hungry, we could catch an early dinner and then... Niles: Oh, oh, and then catch the new Stoppard play. Frasier: You know, it's just a shame my listeners never got to hear my review of "Streetcar." Niles: Insightful? Frasier: Groundbreaking! Niles: As was mine. Frasier: Yes well, it takes a psychiatrist to interpret that play. Niles: Indeed. Frasier: All right, you go first. Niles: All right. Frasier: Go. Frasier and Niles cross to the door as Niles recites. Niles: "A descent into madness, and it was well worth the trip in this incandescent revival of 'A Streetcar Named Desire'...." Frasier: Just a moment Niles, "incandescent," isn't that the word they quoted you on in "The Times?" Niles: Well, yes. Frasier: You use that all the time. Frasier and Niles continue bickering as they exit. End of Act Two. [SCENE_BREAK] Radio Station - Poppy exits the studio after her first show and eagerly looks around for someone to share the moment, but the hallways are empty. Puzzled, she leaves, and the station staff emerge from doorways and stairwells all over the station.

The owner of KACL has sent her daughter, Poppy Delafield , to start an internship at the station. Everyone finds her unbearable because she can never stop talking, though they are all too polite to say so. Meanwhile, Niles has been appointed art critic of a posh magazine, The Monocle , and is now attending performances for free and socializing with the elite of Seattle. Jealous of Niles's position, Frasier approaches Poppy to propose that he host a new arts show on KACL, but she misunderstands and becomes the host of the new show herself.

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3.03 - Application Anxiety OPEN AT LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai and Rory are on the sofa watching "The Brady Bunch Variety Hour"] RORY: This is sublime. LORELAI: It was the golden age of television. RORY: The music, the costumes, the sets. LORELAI: All cylinders were fired on this one, boy! RORY: And who knew that they all had such musical talent? LORELAI: And such far out booty shaking abilities, as well. [The mailman walks through the front door and sets the mail on the bench] EDDIE: Mail, ladies. LORELAI: Thanks, Eddie! [Eddie walks back out; Rory walks over to get the mail] RORY: Did you see that TV Guide had this on their list of the worst fifty shows of all time? LORELAI: I know! Who are they to judge? RORY: I know, it's on my top fifty best. LORELAI: Yeah, right after "Holmes and Yoyo" and "Hee Haw Honeys." Oh, Rory, get back here! They're in clown suits and headed for the pool. RORY: Oh my God. LORELAI: Honey, come here. RORY: It's here. LORELAI: What's here? RORY: My application to Harvard. LORELAI: Oh my God. [walks over to look at it] It's beautiful. RORY: Impressive letterage, huh? LORELAI: Oh, yeah, it's so. . . RORY: Very. LORELAI: Can I hold it? RORY: Be careful. LORELAI: Oh, it's heavy, heavy with importance. RORY: I feel dizzy. LORELAI: Are you sure that's not just the sight of Robert Reed in the tight clown pants? RORY: Oh, geez. Let the record show that when my application to Harvard arrived, we were watching "The Brady Bunch Variety Hour." LORELAI: You don't lose points for that, do you? RORY: I hope not. Man, this morning I was reading Dead Souls – it couldn't have come then? LORELAI: Well, we'll just tell people that's what you were doing, and that I was studying a really big globe. They'll never know. RORY: You can keep a secret? LORELAI: Not so far, but there's always a first. RORY: Dead Souls and a really big globe. LORELAI: Deal. [looks at TV] Oh, kayaks! [opening credits] CUT TO LORELAI'S KITCHEN [Lorelai sits at the table with the Harvard application while Rory gets a drink from the refrigerator] LORELAI: Come on, come on, I wanna get started. RORY: Hold your horses there little Miss Horsie Holder. LORELAI: They're going to expect a higher level of wit when you're at Harvard. Oh, watch that drink. RORY: I'm nowhere near it. LORELAI: Well, keep it that way. This is an uncontaminated area. I even cleaned the table using something other than the sleeve of my sweater and spit. [shows her a bottle of cleanser] RORY: Lovely image. I'll be careful. LORELAI: All right, here we go. First question. Uh! Oh my God. RORY: What? LORELAI: "What were you doing the moment you received this application?" counts for fifty percent of your eligibility. RORY: Stop. [Lane walks out of Rory's bedroom] LANE: I need help. LORELAI: With what? RORY: She's writing her drummer-seeks-rock-band ad. LANE: And it's not reading right to me. Could you guys look it over? RORY: Let's see – "Drummer with strong beat seeks band into the Accelerators, the Adolescents, the Adverts, Agent Orange, the Angelic Upstarts, the Agnostic Front, Ash. . ." You went alphabetically. LANE: Seemed tidy. LORELAI: And a little OCD. RORY: And a little long. LANE: I can't make cuts. RORY: It's three pages, single spaced – make cuts. LANE: But this is the cut-down version. I mean, just from the letter A, I excluded AC/DC, the Animals, and A-Ha, footnoted as a guilty pleasure. RORY: If we can't get through it, no one can. LANE: Okay. RORY: Okay. LANE: I'll try to make cuts, but no guarantees. [goes back into Rory's bedroom] LORELAI: Okay, personal information. . . state your full name. Better not get that one wrong. RORY: I'll try. LORELAI: And nickname, if any. RORY: That would be Rory. LORELAI: Or Droopy Drawers. RORY: That was never my nickname. LORELAI: Wrong, I called you that as a baby. RORY: What? LORELAI: That's right. You had these little OshKosh cords and they were way too big and once at the mall, they fell right down to your knees and I said, "Whoa, there, Droopy Drawers!" – and I'm just afraid if we don't answer everything accurately, the Harvard police will come and hit you with an atlas and say something mean in Latin. RORY: How would they know that you called me Droopy Drawers? LORELAI: Well, we could be at a Harvard event and I could slip up and say, "Pass me a lobster puff, Droopy Drawers," and they could hear me, and that'll be that. RORY: How ‘bout you don't drink at any of these Harvard events? LORELAI: Okay, parental information. Mother – breathtaking. RORY: I think they just want your name. LORELAI: Father – ostracized. Personal statement. RORY: Oh, the essay – the big kahuna. LORELAI: You can evaluate a significant experience that's had an impact on you. How ‘bout that time your drawers dropped at the mall? RORY: Enough with the drawers. LORELAI: Or you can write about a person who has had a significant influence on you. RORY: You? LORELAI: Or one of your authors, Faulkner or. . . RORY: Or Sylvia Plath. LORELAI: Hm, might send the wrong message. RORY: The sticking her head in the oven thing? LORELAI: Yeah. Although she did make her kids a snack first, shows a certain maternal instinct. [Lane walks out of Rory's bedroom] LANE: Okay, I just crunched the numbers and at two thousand words and twenty-five cents a word, this stupid ad's gonna cost five hundred dollars! That's five months worth of Minwaxing end tables at my mom's store. I give up. RORY: No, don't give up. Just cut down your influences to the most important ones, like with David Bowie. LANE: Gotta have Bowie. RORY: But do you have to list every album he ever recorded plus your personal rating between one to ten? LANE: Maybe not. LORELAI: And what's with Jackson Browne making the list? LANE: Ah, see, cool people know that he's more than a mellow hippie-dippy folkie, that he actually wrote some of Nico's best songs and was in fact her lover before he bored us with "Doctor My Eyes." That will separate the poseurs from the non-poseurs. RORY: Wax on, wax off. LANE: I hate this. [goes back into bedroom] LORELAI: Okay, what activities interest you? RORY: All of them except for the sports. LORELAI: I thought you were the lacrosse kid. RORY: Mom, just a modicum of seriousness as we do this would be much appreciated. LORELAI: Hm, so, circle all of them except sports. Oh, they want a picture. How about the one of us sticking our heads through the carved out holes of Johnny Bravo and SpongeBob Squarepants? RORY: There's the seriousness I crave. [Lane opens the bedroom door] LANE: I'm going to have to crank the Ramones if I have to make deep cuts. [Lane shuts the door, and a second later, music starts blaring from the room] RORY: We'll move outside. LORELAI: The outside's contaminated. [Rory grabs the bottle of cleanser and they walk out the back door] CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Dean and Rory are sitting at a table. Luke refills Rory's coffee mug] RORY: Thank you. LUKE: Do they let kids drink coffee before school? RORY: Why, do you think it might lead to harder stuff? Lattes, cappucinos. . . LUKE: Forget I asked. [walks away] RORY: So, what are you doing Saturday? DEAN: Just my usual chores. RORY: Your usual chores, John-boy? DEAN: Well, what else do you call house jobs? RORY: I call them the stuff you avoid until the Environmental Protection Agency steps in. DEAN: Why do you ask? RORY: I thought we could see a movie or something. DEAN: You're not free. RORY: How do you know? DEAN: ‘Cause you'll be working on your application all weekend. RORY: No, I'm not. DEAN: Really? RORY: It's not due for weeks, and I already have my essay topic picked out. DEAN: Which is? RORY: Hillary Clinton. DEAN: Sounds perfect. RORY: I know. She's so smart and tough and nobody thought she could win New York but she did and she's doing amazing, and have you heard her speak? DEAN: Only when you've played me the thousands of hours of C-SPAN footage you taped. RORY: She's a great speaker, strong and persuasive with a wonderful presence, and even those suits of hers are getting better. DEAN: I'd include that in the essay. RORY: Anyhow, now that I have Hillary, all I need is a date for Saturday. Suggestions? DEAN: You're on. RORY: Great. Oh, there's my bus. Sip. [sips coffee] Kiss. [they kiss] And bye. DEAN: Bye. [Rory exits the diner and runs to catch her bus as Luke walks over to the table] LUKE: Fast runner. DEAN: It's the coffee. LUKE: Not your face? DEAN: Excuse me? LUKE: Sorry, just missed my youth for a second. I'm back. Coffee? [Luke looks out the window and sees Taylor taking photographs of the store next to the diner] CUT TO CHILTON HALLWAY [Rory is waiting outside the auditorium while Paris argues with a teacher] PARIS: Everyone always says that! This is my speaking voice. This is its natural volume! Fine, fine! [walks over to Rory and they walk into the auditorium] PARIS: Short-sighted morons. RORY: What now, Paris? PARIS: We went to all this trouble to set up this stupid seminar. I say we, but let's face it, I did most of the work, and Mr. Hunter won't let me do it the way I want. RORY: The panelists are up there. We sit across from them and ask questions. What's the problem? PARIS: It's boring and predictable and done to death. I wanted Charlie Rose. RORY: To ask the questions? PARIS: His style. I wanted us sitting at a round table with black backdrops. RORY: But the audience won't be able to see anything. PARIS: I was working with the losers in the AV club to project it on a giant video screen. And all Mr. Hunter said was, "Paris, this isn't the Beatles at Shea Stadium." Nice anachronism, huh? Like they had video screens in sixty-three. His references are as topical as his suits. MR. HUNTER: [on stage] Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention please? We can get this seminar started. I'd like to bring up the organizers of this little event, Paris Gellar and Rory Gilmore. [There are two tables on the stage. A man and a woman are seated at one of them; Rory and Paris walk on stage and sit at the other] PARIS: Thank you, Mr. Hunter. Everybody, this is a seminar called "The Business of Getting In." Its goal is to help guide us through the torturous process of applying to, and getting into, the right college. My panelists are Jim Romaine, admissions officer at Princeton University, and Ivy-League college consultant, Rose Samuels. Welcome, panel. RORY: Yes, welcome. PARIS: Now, panel, you're addressing a group of kids just beginning the stressful process of applying to college. Question – what is the biggest mistake a person can make on his or her application? Mr. Romaine? MR. ROMAINE: Well, forgetting to send it in would be the worst mistake, but perfunctory answers would be high on my list. PARIS: Explain. MR. ROMAINE: I'm talking about run of the mill responses, a lack of originality, particularly in the essay category. If I read one more over-adulating piece of prose about Hillary Clinton and her profound influence, my head will explode. MS. SAMUELS: I hear that. Sometimes a mistake like that comes from writing what one thinks an admission officer wants to read. MR. ROMAINE: Big mistake. MS. SAMUELS: And sometimes it's just a lack of original thought. MR. ROMAINE: Just as big a mistake. PARIS: Personal anecdote – when I was twelve and I was writing the first of my trial essays in practice for the day I'd write my real essay, I chose Hillary Clinton. Then I realized every braindead bint in a skirt would be writing about Hillary, but it was good to clear the pipes. Now, what are some other mistakes? MR. ROMAINE: Well, small thing, but if your printing is bad, that says something we don't like. If your extracurriculars and volunteer activities are too by-the-book, that says something we don't like. MS. SAMUELS: Yes, those activities should have a personality behind them – a focus, a direction. I've seen applications where the student has circled every activity listed. Again, you're trying too hard there. One can't be interested in everything. MR. ROMAINE: They're the ones who've had college paraphernalia on their walls their whole lives. MS. SAMUELS: Too hungry, it's a little immature. PARIS: Interesting, interesting. Rory, do you wanna ask a question? RORY: No. PARIS: What? RORY: No, thank you. PARIS: Okay. So, how early should a student get an application in? MR. ROMAINE: By the due date. Earlier makes no difference. It's a complete myth that there's a benefit to be derived from early admission. I do think it's important to talk about the interview process. I believe it's an opportunity to weed out the hyper-intense candidate. . . CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE [Lorelai and Emily walk into the living room] EMILY: So, she's meeting you here? LORELAI: Yeah, she had a thing after school, a rumble or something. She said she'd be over after. EMILY: A rumble? LORELAI: Yeah, a bunch of kids meet in an alley, they pirouette, they pull knives, it's a whole to-do. EMILY: So she's meeting you here? LORELAI: Yes, she's meeting us here. Where's Dad? EMILY: The magazines. [walks away] LORELAI: That was weird. . .and unresponsive. [Lorelai walks over to the couch as Emily returns with a stack of magazines] EMILY: These are college issues of various magazines. I've been collecting them for a couple of months now. LORELAI: Oh, well, Rory's probably seen all those, but thanks anyway. EMILY: Have you read these? LORELAI: No. EMILY: Well, you should. I've unearthed some shocking statistics. I mean, do you have any idea how hot the competition is to get into a school like Harvard? LORELAI: Well, yeah, it's very hot. It's one of the top schools in the country. EMILY: In the world. People from China, Russia, India, children from every country apply to Harvard. There's more competition than ever before. LORELAI: Really, Mom, I know all this. EMILY: With the dot-com bust and the job market dwindling and the stock market going up and down like a yo-yo, everyone and his brother knows the best chance for success and financial security is not just to go to college, but to go to a top college. LORELAI: Thank you, got it, appreciate the info. EMILY: Every child that applies has the same high grade point average, they've taken the same AP classes, and they're all on the student council. LORELAI: They're not all that identical. EMILY: One college admissions officer said that he sometimes puts a random stack of applications in the yes pile and the rest in the no pile because he knows it doesn't make any difference. He doesn't even so much as glance at them. LORELAI: That does not sound real. EMILY: And now it's the in thing for young Hollywood celebrities to go to universities. What do they call themselves, the Brat Pack? LORELAI: About a hundred years ago. EMILY: They get into wherever they want based on name recognition. I was watching TV and that insipid Kate Hudson was talking about going to a university. If she decides to go to Harvard, she'll get right in over Rory, who we know is more qualified. LORELAI: How ‘bout a drink, Mom? You want a drink, ‘cause I sure do. EMILY: Lorelai, hold on here. What are we gonna do about this? LORELAI: Look, there is no we, okay? It's me – me and Rory – that's the we. I appreciate your concern and your prodigious research, but it's all gonna be fine. Rory's special. EMILY: Well, you know that and I know that but those idiots at Harvard may not necessarily know that. RORY: [calls from hallway] Hello? LORELAI: Uh, we're in here, honey, and hurry! [Rory walks into the living room] RORY: Hi Grandma. EMILY: Hello Rory. You look flushed. RORY: I ran from the bus stop, I'm okay. Mom, hey, I've been trying to call you – can I talk to you for a second? EMILY: Is something wrong? RORY: No, I just need to talk to Mom about something, that's all. We'll be quick. LORELAI: Okay, hon. We'll be back. CUT TO RICHARD'S STUDY [Rory and Lorelai walk in] RORY: I'm not getting into Harvard. LORELAI: What? Who says? RORY: Well, I'm completely unprepared, and I have no original thoughts! LORELAI: No, no, don't blame yourself, it's not you. It's those jerks at Harvard – I hate them! RORY: What? LORELAI: Well, apparently, it doesn't matter how qualified you are, those lazy-ass admissions officers just take applications and stick it in the yes and no piles without even glancing at them! RORY: Well, it won't matter because my Hillary Clinton essay will be just like every other girl's Hillary Clinton essay because apparently that's all we can think of. I'm such a hack. LORELAI: Is it true everyone has the same GPA? How is that possible? RORY: Because we all take the same classes and we all give the same perfunctory run-of-the-mill responses. And I'm interested in too many things, I have to limit them. I'm gonna circle travel on my application. From now on, that is what I am interested in, travel. LORELAI: No, no, don't do that, no! Because all those people coming from China and India and God knows where else, they're all nuts for traveling – that's why they're traveling here! And and jobs are dropping and dot-com bombing and something's acting like a yo-yo, I don't know what but it's not good! And over my dead body is Kate Hudson getting your spot, let me just say that right now! RORY: Mom, you're freaking out! LORELAI: Yes, I'm freaking out! RORY: Well, you can't freak out, I'm freaking out! [cell phone rings] Hello? PARIS: What the hell did Romaine mean when he was going on about weeding out the hyper-intense in the interview process? He stopped just short of calling me by name, I'm losing it! RORY: Not now, Paris. PARIS: I tried to throw the questioning over to you because I was about to heave and you left me hanging so I had to come home and heave. RORY: I'll talk to you tomorrow, Paris. [hangs up] PARIS: Wait! LORELAI: Okay, we gotta calm down here. RORY: So, set an example. LORELAI: Hey, I'm human, too. RORY: My forehead is burning up. LORELAI: My heart is beating so fast, it's gotta slow down. RORY: Okay, just. . .let's take a breath. LORELAI: Okay. This freaking out is not good. RORY: It sucks. LORELAI: We can do this. If others can do this, we can do this! RORY: Well, I'm not so sure anymore. LORELAI: That is unacceptable! RORY: Well, I don't wanna accept it. LORELAI: Then we won't. RORY: Well, what do we do? LORELAI: I don't know. We definitely need some sort of perspective. RORY: I think we need therapy. LORELAI: And booze! For those of us over twenty-one. Okay, are we calming? Are we less-freaked? RORY: I'm totally freaked out. LORELAI: Well, hide it! RORY: I can't hide it. LORELAI: Then prepare yourself for an evening of magazine recitations by Emily "DJ Doom-meister" Gilmore. RORY: I'll hide it. CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai is making coffee in the kitchen when the phone rings] LORELAI: [answers] Hello? . . . No, Lane should be here any minute. Is this about the ad? . . . Well, uh, give me your number and she'll call you back. . . Okay, then, what's the number of the dude whose couch you're sleeping on? . . .Uh! Dude doesn't have a phone? Well, try back later, dude. Thanks. [hangs up] Rory, are you up? If not, get up! [phone rings again] And where's Lane? She's supposed to be fielding these. [answers phone] Hello? No, she's not, may I take a message? [Lane walks in through the back door] Oh, wait a minute – here she is, hold on. [holds out the phone toward Lane] LANE: Sorry. [answers phone] This is Lane. [walks out of kitchen] [Rory walks out of her bedroom] LORELAI: Hey. RORY: Hey. LORELAI: Aw, what's up? RORY: I didn't sleep so well. LORELAI: Poor thing. RORY: I'm fine. I'm just a little bummed. LANE: [on phone] No, wait, wait, wait, progressive rock is a really passé style now but I listed it as an influence because it was a progenitor of great things that came afterwards. I mean, I contend that you can draw a straight line from Yes to Jethro Tull to the Jam to Nirvana, bing bang boom. . . Who are the Jam? [to Rory and Lorelai] That's disturbing. [walks away] LORELAI: Hey, maybe instead of going to college, you should drop out and I could quit my job and we can form an all-girl band with Lane, you know, like Bananarama. We could call it Tangerinarama or Banana-fana-fo-fana-rama. . .or something. Honey, I'm just kidding, you gotta go to college. RORY: I'm up for anything at this point. I gotta go. I'll see you later? LORELAI: Feel better, okay? RORY: I will. LANE: You are not telling me that you did not know that Kim Deal was in the Pixies before the Breeders! I refuse to accept that! [hangs up] These kids have no sense of history. CUT TO LUKE'S DINER [Luke walks up to a customer at the counter] LUKE: Hey Tom, what's up? TOM: Nothing much. Why don't you get me a ham on rye, mustard, no mayo. LUKE: You got it. [A young boy walks up to the counter] BOY: Hi. LUKE: You got money? BOY: Yes, sir. LUKE: What can I get ya? BOY: Let's see. How about a nice, cold egg cream? LUKE: A what cream? BOY: An egg cream. A nice and cold one. LUKE: What is that? TOM: It's like, uh, milk and soda water with flavoring, isn't it? LUKE: You asking me? BOY: Nice and cold. LUKE: I heard that part. TOM: Used to get them at Coney Island. LUKE: Go to Coney Island, kid. [The boy leaves, and another boy walks up to the counter] BOY: Sir, can I get something to go? LUKE: You got money? BOY: Uh huh. LUKE: What do you want? BOY: A black cow. LUKE: Aw, now, come on. BOY: It's just root beer and ice cream. LUKE: Root beer and ice cream? BOY: Uh huh. LUKE: Well, I can do that. BOY: As long as the ice cream's made the old fashioned way – on the premises. LUKE: Now wait a second. [Kirk walks up to the counter] KIRK: Hey, Luke, can you whip me up something in a hurry? LUKE: What, Kirk? KIRK: A chocolate phosphate. LUKE: Okay, now, what the hell is this? Why do you want a phosphate? KIRK: Because nothing says refreshment like a phosphate. LUKE: This is Taylor, right? Is he behind this? KIRK: I'm not at liberty to say. LUKE: [to boy] Okay, then, you tell me. And remember, if you lie, you'll go to hell. BOY: He didn't say you'd get mad. LUKE: Come on. [Luke drags Kirk and the boy out of the diner] CUT TO DOOSE'S MARKET [Luke pulls Kirk and the boy into the market] TAYLOR: What is this? LUKE: That's my question. Now what the hell's going on here? TAYLOR: I have no idea what you're talking about. LUKE: They're asking for phosphates and egg creams and black cows, and they already gave you up, so tell me what's going on. TAYLOR: Who finked? KIRK: Him, him. BOY: Snitch! KIRK: Well, you did. LUKE: It's not the kid's fault, Taylor. Now what is this about? TAYLOR: Well, you are so close-minded to new things, Luke, that I decided to make an admittedly desperate attempt to convince you of the need for something that I think is a terrific idea. LUKE: Which is? TAYLOR: An old fashioned, turn of the century soda shop! LUKE: Aye yi yi yi yi! TAYLOR: It's just the kind of wholesome hang today's teens need to keep them off the streets. LUKE: And our streets are so wild and out of control? TAYLOR: If you ask me, yes – and I have proof. [hands Luke an envelope of pictures] LUKE: What are these? TAYLOR: Surveillance photos of town goings-on, the dark side of Stars Hollow, Luke – not a pretty picture. LUKE: These are kids on skateboards. TAYLOR: Slaloming around pop bottles right down the middle of the street. I'm telling you, Luke, if we don't quick furnish these skateboarding z-boys with a moral distraction, they're gonna turn Stars Hollow into Dogtown. LUKE: [points to a picture] This is the space next to the diner. TAYLOR: I know. LUKE: I own the space next to the diner. TAYLOR: I know. LUKE: You wanna open the soda shop in the space next to the diner? TAYLOR: It's the only one that's appropriate. LUKE: Taylor, no, no, no, no, and every day from now on ‘til the end of my life, I am gonna come in here and say, "Taylor, no!" And when I die, I'm gonna have them freeze me next to Ted Williams, and when they find the cure to what I died of and they unfreeze me, my first words are gonna be, "How's Ted?" followed closely by, "Taylor, no!" TAYLOR: But the space is empty! LUKE: Not for long. TAYLOR: And what are your plans for it? LUKE: A skateboard and pop bottle shop. TAYLOR: That's not funny. LUKE: With in-house experts to teach the craft of street slaloming. TAYLOR: Still not funny. LUKE: Well, I'm not in a very funny mood! KIRK: Luke, are you taking applications for jobs at your skateboard and bottle shop? LUKE: Yeah, I'm interviewing people today, Kirk. KIRK: Great. Shall I go home and change or will casual suffice? LUKE: I like the going home part. KIRK: I don't understand. CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai is sitting on the couch when Rory walks through the front door] RORY: Hey. LORELAI: Hey. Guess who I actually had a very productive conversation with today? Headmaster Charleston. RORY: You're kidding. LORELAI: No, and I think we came up with the solution to our application anxiety, you wanna hear it? RORY: I guess. LORELAI: Well, we spent the first ten minutes on him bugging me to volunteer for more stuff at school, or in lieu of that to make a donation to build the new basketball court, and then another couple of minutes of me convincing him that what sounded like me going "Ha!" was really me clearing my throat, but after that we had a very pleasant, productive conversation. RORY: And? LORELAI: He suggested setting up a meeting with a Harvard graduate, like a dinner or something. He even gave me the number of someone he knows. RORY: An alumni dinner? LORELAI: Yes, exactly. RORY: Do they do that? LORELAI: According to Charleston, it's done all the time. RORY: Wow. LORELAI: Yeah, it would be an opportunity to talk with someone who's been through it all and did it successfully. You can ask questions, he can give some perspective, it seems perfect. RORY: It sounds a little weird. LORELAI: Yeah, a little, but I'll go with you and what's the worst that can happen? We're bored and we blow a meal, but if this person can help, then that's a good thing, right? RORY: I do have some questions. . . a lot of questions. LORELAI: Well, let's call him. RORY: Now? LORELAI: Yes, yes, there's no time like the present, come on. [they walk over to desk] His name is Darren Springsteen of Westport, Connecticut, Harvard class of 74. Uh! Ask if he has a brother named Bruce. RORY: I'm not gonna ask him that. [dials phone number] It's ringing. LORELAI: Hee! [Rory hangs up the phone] LORELAI: Why'd you hang up? RORY: I'm not good at these things. LORELAI: Did he answer? RORY: Yes. LORELAI: Yes? Rory, that's a really terrible first impression. [phone rings] Uh oh. RORY: Him? LORELAI: Maybe. RORY: He star sixty-nined us? LORELAI: Well, the Harvard people can afford all the latest technology. Answer! LORELAI: [on answering machine] Hey, you've reached Suffragette City, and if you're calling about Lane Kim's ad, sorry we're not in, but don't commit rock and roll suicide – just crank a message with some feedback. RORY: Oh geez. LORELAI: Well, if he is related to Bruce, he can dig it. DAVE: [on machine] Hey, my name's Dave Rygalski, I'm calling about the ad. I left my number before, so call when you get a chance. GIRL: [in background on machine] Where's my – DAVE: [on machine] Relax, I'm coming. [Lorelai stops the message] LORELAI: Let's try this again. [dials number] RORY: Can we please just do this later? LORELAI: No, let's get it done now. It's ringing. RORY: Let's do it later. LORELAI: It's ringing. [hands her the phone] RORY: I'm gonna say the wrong thing or have the wrong tone in my voice. I'm not in good first impression mode right now. [hands phone back to Lorelai] Unh! LORELAI: [answers phone in high voice] Hello? Hello, um, this is Rory Gilmore. I believe you were expecting my call. . .Um, oh, well, this is such a wonderful opportunity for me. . .Whatever's good for you will be great for me. . . RORY: Not so breathy. LORELAI: That's how chickens talk! [on phone in high voice] Lunch? Oh yes, let me just check my organizer. . .oh, perfect. My mother will be there, too. She's terrific. . . All right, I'll see you this weekend. . . Mm, bye. [hangs up] RORY: You're no Danny Gans. LORELAI: I never claimed to be. RORY: He's gonna be expecting Chilton High School senior Trixie McBimbo. LORELAI: And her mother, Bambi McBimbo. RORY: But I guess it can't hurt, right? LORELAI: It can only help. RORY: Okay. LORELAI: And look, if it's a total bust, we'll grab a pole and Trixie and Bambi'll take it on the road. That's something to put on your application, huh? It'll set you apart. RORY: Thanks Mom. LORELAI: [in high voice] Bye Trixie! CUT TO OUTSIDE THE SPRINGSTEEN RESIDENCE [Lorelai and Rory walk up the pathway to the house] LORELAI: So, alumna is a girl graduate. RORY: Right. LORELAI: And alumnus is a man. RORY: Singular. LORELAI: So an unmarried man? RORY: No, not not-married. He can be married or single, all alumnus means is one man singular as opposed to many men plural. LORELAI: And plural is alumni. RORY: Right, and that can be girls and guys. LORELAI: Kinky! RORY: No, not kinky, just what it is. [rings doorbell] LORELAI: Ugh, you're no fun when you're nervous. RORY: Oh yes, because you and I usually have so much fun with Latin. LORELAI: So what do we call this guy, alumnus Darren, you know, like you'd say farmer John or the butcher Lazar Wolf? RORY: Hish-kabibble. [A man opens the door] DARREN: Hello there. LORELAI: Hello, I'm Lorelai Gilmore. DARREN: Darren Springsteen, nice to meet you. And this must be the reason we're all here. RORY: Yes, hello. I'm hope we're not putting you out. DARREN: Putting us out? Today you are the Springsteen family's raison d'être. Come in, come in. [they walk inside] Was your drive long? LORELAI: Not too. DARREN: Stars Hollow is charming. The last time we drove through there, there was a pumpkin patch. LORELAI: Sounds like us. DARREN: In March. LORELAI: Oh, that would be the year the pumpkins arrived late. DARREN: Sounds like a Dr. Seuss book. You came bearing gifts? RORY: What? Oh, this. No, this is not a gift. These are my records – grades, SATs. LORELAI: It's Rory in a bag – you add water and her brilliance springs out. DARREN: Why don't I just glance at this some other time, mm? This afternoon, why don't we just talk and get to know one another, okay? RORY: Sounds good. LORELAI: You're a very nice alumni. DARREN: Thanks. [walks down the hall] RORY: That's the plural. LORELAI: Ah, rats! [they follow him into the living room] DARREN: Lorelai, Rory, say hello to Marie, my wife. MARIE: Hello, so good to have you here. LORELAI: Hi. RORY: Thank you. MARIE: How about drinks? Iced tea, water? RORY: Iced tea's good. LORELAI: Same here. MARIE: Okay. [leaves room] DARREN: Do you like art, Rory? RORY: Very much. DARREN: Modern painting is my passion. I've got a Hockney, a Kline – what I don't have is a Diebenkorn so please don't ask, "Where's the Diebenkorn?" LORELAI: Uh, you warned me just in time. DARREN: I only recently got into sculpture. My latest acquisition, it's a Zoltan Kemeny. Very provocative. Don't you just love its audacity? LORELAI: Yes, it's very audacious. DARREN: So, what are some of your other interests, Rory? LORELAI: Oh, well, pull up a comfy chair there, Darren, because they are widespread and extensive. RORY: I read a lot. I'm into the Russians lately. DARREN: Tolstoy, Turgenev? RORY: Gogol is my thing right now – Dead Souls. DARREN: One of my favorites. LORELAI: You were reading that when we got your Harvard application in the mail, weren't you sweetie? RORY: Yes, yes I was. LORELAI: I saw that Harvard logo on the envelope and I said, "Rory, get your nose out of your Gogol and get over here!" Of course, we have a TV somewhere, but it's really more of a funny little table to put a cup of chai tea on, you know what I mean? DARREN: I'm afraid I don't. I watch way too many sports, and I go to all the Harvard games. How about you – do you like sports? LORELAI: Yes. RORY: No. LORELAI: That is, we follow certain things. RORY: We enjoy various aspects of certain sporting endeavors. LORELAI: But it wouldn't be the kind that you could ask any follow-up questions on. RORY: It's a general interest. DARREN: Got it. It's pretty much a waste of time, but it's how I waste my time. I collect memorabilia, too. I've got each year's Harvard team pennant going back to 1927. LORELAI: Lots of displayed Harvard paraphernalia, huh? DARREN: It's all over the walls at the rec room. LORELAI: See, see, lots of paraphernalia. RORY: Watch the ribs there. [Two kids walk in from the backyard] DARREN: Ah, here are the kids. Jack, Jennifer, this is Lorelai and Rory. JACK: Hi there. JENNIFER: It's nice to meet you. LORELAI: Likewise. RORY: Hi. DARREN: Jack's premed at Princeton and Jennifer is bound for Harvard like you Rory. JENNIFER: Oh, we should talk. RORY: Sure. JENNIFER: If not today, another day, okay? RORY: Okay. JENNIFER: Uh, do you wanna pick a time now or later. . . RORY: Later's fine. JENNIFER: I'll make a note in my palm pilot. RORY: Cool. MARIE: [enters room with a tray of drinks] Here are your teas. RORY: Thank you. MARIE: Ah, Darren, we should really get the chicken going. DARREN: Right, right. You're getting my famous chicken today – I hope you like chicken. RORY: Love it. DARREN: I'll be right back. Here's some of my Harvard yearbooks, peruse them if you like. LORELAI: Oh. [Marie and Darren leave the room] JACK: Yeah, and we should go clean up, Jen. JENNIFER: Mm, definitely. [to Rory] I will see you in a jiff. [Jack and Jennifer leave the room] LORELAI: Ew! RORY: What? LORELAI: Did they just leave to take a shower together? RORY: Oh, gross! LORELAI: What? They bounced in together, they bounced out together. RORY: New topic. LORELAI: Can't take gritty reality? RORY: Or slanderous postulating. LORELAI: And how is it they just came off the tennis court and they're not even sweating? RORY: I don't know. Maybe when you're that white, you don't sweat. LORELAI: Darren's nice though, isn't he? RORY: He's very nice. Hey, do you think I'm making a good impression? LORELAI: Great impression. He loves you, especially when he found out you share his love of various aspects of certain sporting endeavors. RORY: Hey, you started it. We could have just told the truth and said we weren't into sports. LORELAI: I was trying to humanize us. RORY: Yeah, with our funny looking chai tea table. Very humanizing. LORELAI: [in robot voice] Zoltan Kemeny. RORY: What? LORELAI: That artist's name – it sounds like robot language, doesn't it? Zoltan Kemeny. RORY: Don't say it again. LORELAI: Zoltan Kemeny, Zoltan Kemeny. RORY: Stop, don't! LORELAI: Zoltaaaan – MARIE: [enters room] Oh, I'm sorry. I'm interrupting the fun. LORELAI: No, that's all right, you're not. We were just laughing at all the funny haircuts, that's all. MARIE: I know, aren't they a blast? LORELAI: It's just a sea of goofy sideburns. MARIE: Lunch will be ready in just a few minutes. [leaves] LORELAI: Zoltan. RORY: Stop! [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO DINING ROOM [Lorelai, Rory, Marie and Darren walk into the room] LORELAI: Aw, wow, what a beautiful table. RORY: Yes, you didn't have to do that. DARREN: Oh, Rory, honestly, it's our pleasure. [Jack and Jennifer walk in wearing similar outfits] DARREN: Perfect timing, kids. JACK: Excellent. JENNIFER: Nice looking lunch, Mom. LORELAI: [to Rory] Color coordinated. RORY: Shh! DARREN: Guests of honor, why don't you sit over there. RORY: Thank you. LORELAI: Aw, family pictures. You have another girl, don't you? MARIE: Yes, we do. LORELAI: Well, where is she? What does she do? DARREN: Oh, um. . . MARIE: She's not here. LORELAI: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked. DARREN: Oh, no no, it's all right. That's Carol. She's a year ahead of Rory. She's. . . MARIE: She's following her own path. DARREN: Right. Carol's doing her own thing. LORELAI: Okay. DARREN: Well, let's eat everybody. Honored guests, please choose from the chicken first. RORY: Thank you very much. DARREN: [to his kids] You two are gonna have to fight over the breast as you always do. So, Lorelai, what's your alma matter? LORELAI: Well, I was too preoccupied to go to college, what with weighing a couple hundred pounds and having feet twice my normal size and all. DARREN: I see. RORY: But she took night classes and graduated last year. She has an AA degree in business. MARIE: Well, that's wonderful. DARREN: In fact, it's refreshing. It might even be to Rory's benefit. Good things didn't come to your family in one fell swoop, you struggled for it. LORELAI: That's true. DARREN: One fell swoop, interesting phrase. JACK: Very. DARREN: Origin? JACK: It was coined in MacBeth and derives from Middle English. DARREN: Very good, son. You know your Shakespeare then, do you? JACK: More than most. DARREN: In which play does Falstaff appear? JACK: That would be plays. DARREN: Mm. JACK: Henry the Fourth, part one and two, and The Merry Wives of Windsor. DARREN: So that was a different Falstaff than Henry the Fifth? JACK: Aw, shoot! DARREN: This is a little tradition with us, quizzes at meals. It keeps the Springsteens sharp. LORELAI: Very Kennedy-esque. JENNIFER: Mm, we love the Kennedys! LORELAI: As do we all. DARREN: Now, the person questioned can challenge me with a follow-up if he gets his question right. Gets pretty competitive. LORELAI: Well, if pistols are drawn, we're ducking. DARREN: Jack, which Polish composer – JACK: Chopin! DARREN: Patience. . .became Prime Minister of his country? JACK: Paderewski. DARREN: That's right, but your impetuousness cost you a follow-up. Jennifer, can you give me the three sub-classes of the Mesozoic Era? JENNIFER: Triassic, Jurassic, and Cretaceous. DARREN: Good. JENNIFER: Follow-up – what preceded the Mesozoic Era? DARREN: Paleozoic. LORELAI: He's good. MARIE: It's hard to stump Darren. JENNIFER: Impossible, he's brilliant. DARREN: Open question – which mythological figure has the head of a man, the body of a lion, and the tail of a scorpion? Here's a hint – it's also the title of a novel by Robertson Davies. RORY: Oh, Manticore. DARREN: Very good, Rory. JACK: Yes, very good, Rory. JENNIFER: Yes, very good, Rory. MARIE: More water, Lorelai? LORELAI: Please, thank you. DARREN: Do you know which French city famous for its water was the capital of collaborationist France? LORELAI: Oh, me? Um, Evian, Perrier, uh, Le Crystal Geyser? DARREN: Jennifer, you wanna help Lorelai out? JENNIFER: Vichy. DARREN: That's correct. LORELAI: Oh, that's right. Vichy water, I knew that. DARREN: What about the year of Germany's victory in the Franco-Prussian War? LORELAI: Huh, me again? DARREN: If you wish. LORELAI: I don't know that one. I do know Instanbul is Constantinople, so if you've got a date in Constantinople, she'll be waiting in Instanbul. DARREN: That's true. RORY: You know, um, sorry to interrupt, but I'd like to wash my hands. DARREN: Our fault, we rushed you in here. MARIE: Our downstairs is being remodeled, you have to use upstairs. End of the hall. RORY: Thank you. LORELAI: Hurry back. RORY: I will. [leaves room] LORELAI: So, that painting there, wow. The colors are so great, I can't stop staring at it. It's just beautiful. DARREN: It is. It's by a student of Matisse. I think he caught the master's colors wonderfully. LORELAI: Oh, Matisse, love him. DARREN: I think only a charlatan wouldn't. Anyone know the artistic movement Matisse championed and referred to as the Wild Beast? JENNIFER: Oh, fauvism! DARREN: Correct. JENNIFER: Follow up? DARREN: And then we'll go round robin. CUT TO UPSTAIRS [Rory stops outside a bedroom when she hears music inside. A girl rushes past her and goes into the bedroom] CAROL: Coming through! RORY: Oh, sorry. I just heard music and . . . [follows her into the bedroom] Cool room. CAROL: Tom Waits. RORY: What? CAROL: The music. RORY: Oh, I thought so. I love him. CAROL: I worship him. I even mildly stalked him once. RORY: Really? CAROL: Last year, I heard he was staying at this hotel so I went there everyday and sat in the lobby drinking massive amounts of coffee waiting for him to walk by. RORY: Did you see him? CAROL: Nope, never came down. For all I know, he's still there. Hand me that brush? RORY: Oh, here. CAROL: Stupid manager made me cover for Fiona today. That girl's a major pie crust. Ears? RORY: What? CAROL: On the chair. What time is it? RORY: Um, three. [hands her a pair of bunny ears] CAROL: Oh, totally late for my next job. Oh well, guess Grandma had to take another trip to the emergency room, right? Are they on straight? RORY: I think so. CAROL: Good. Who are you? RORY: I'm sorry, I'm Rory Gilmore. CAROL: You're one of the Harvard bound? RORY: Yeah. At least, I hope so. CAROL: [starts pulling on a bunny costume] Oh, trust me, you are. You've got that really good, straight, shiny Harvard hair. Zip me up? RORY: I'm sorry, are you Carol? CAROL: Yeah, why? RORY: I don't know, I just didn't expect. . . CAROL: What? RORY: Well, you. CAROL: Why? RORY: I don't know. Your parents just made it sound like. . . CAROL: Like I was holed up in the Chelsea with a needle sticking out of my arm screaming Sid at the top of my lungs? RORY: Kind of. CAROL: Well, to them, this is pretty close. RORY: Can I ask you what exactly you are dressing up like this for? CAROL: Morgan Tanner's fourth birthday party. RORY: You're kidding. CAROL: Nope, this is my fifth birthday party this week. Great tips, all cash, and of course, there's cake. RORY: So you're a waitress and a birthday bunny and you go to school. That's pretty amazing. CAROL: I don't go to school. RORY: Oh, sorry, I just assumed. I mean, your family . . . CAROL: My brother and sister got stuck on that conveyor belt. I, however, escaped somewhere around the eleventh grade, thank God. RORY: Huh. CAROL: Oh, hey, but no offense. I mean, that's just me. If you like being on the conveyor belt, then good for you. RORY: I'm not on the conveyor belt. CAROL: Okay. RORY: I'm not. I want this. I've dreamt of going to Harvard since I was a little girl. CAROL: Yeah, a lot of four year olds dream of that. It comes right after meeting Harry Potter. RORY: Hey, I am not gonna justify myself to someone with a tail. CAROL: You're right, I'm sorry. It's just that around here the Harvard brainwashing starts in the womb. If you were to tell either of my siblings that there was another life choice outside of the Ivy League, I think their khakis would wrinkle. RORY: Well, maybe they really want it. CAROL: Nope, my parents want it and they wanna please my parents. Have you seen a carrot? RORY: Don't you wanna please your parents? CAROL: Yeah, but not at the expense of finding myself. RORY: Or your carrot. CAROL: You gotta have your carrot. So, tell me something, Harvard hair – how bad do you wanna please your parents? RORY: My mom, and really bad, but it's not hard to please my mom. She's okay with anything I do. As long as I'm happy, she's good. CAROL: You're sure? RORY: I'm very sure. CAROL: Then you're lucky. RORY: Yeah, I am lucky. [Lorelai walks into the room] LORELAI: Oh, Rory, quick, uh, what are the three major Hindu deities, because I've missed four questions in a row and if I miss another one, I don't think I get dessert. RORY: Brahma, Shiva, and Vishnu. LORELAI: Brahma, Shiva, and Vishnu. Hi other daughter. CAROL: Hi. LORELAI: And I probably shouldn't do a gesundheit joke when I say Vishnu? RORY: Good thinking. LORELAI: Okay, thanks, bye. [leaves room] RORY: Wait, I'll go with you. [to Carol] I'm glad to have met you. CAROL: Oh, same here. Good luck with Harvard. RORY: Thanks. [Rory walks into the hallway and hugs Lorelai] LORELAI: Oh. . . oh. What's that for? RORY: For not putting me on the conveyor belt. LORELAI: Yes, that was very big of me. RORY: You don't know. CUT TO OUTSIDE THE SPRINGSTEEN RESIDENCE [Lorelai, Rory, and Darren walk out of the house] RORY: Thank you so much for this, for answering all my dumb questions. DARREN: You asked no dumb questions, and I hope my answers sufficed. RORY: Definitely. Bye. [walks down the front walkway] DARREN: Au revoir. LORELAI: Yeah, thank you so much for everything. I know it did a world of good for her. DARREN: She's a very impressive young lady. LORELAI: I wholeheartedly concur. DARREN: You molded her well. LORELAI: Oh, no, I didn't mold her. Rory popped out that way. DARREN: You're being modest. LORELAI: You don't know me, do you? DARREN: So long. LORELAI: Bye. [Darren goes back into the house as Lorelai walks over to Rory] RORY: What did he say? LORELAI: That you're Godlike. RORY: Is that all? LORELAI: Oh, and that his brother Bruce Springsteen would be happy to come and play at our next party or event. RORY: That would be swell of Bruce. LORELAI: I figured your graduation party. RORY: I'll be very popular. CUT TO STARS HOLLOW [That night, people are gathered at Miss Patty's studio for a town meeting] TAYLOR: All in favor, say aye. EVERYONE: Aye. TAYLOR: All right, let the record show that the funds have been approved to close the town bank account that holds the town funds in order to open a new town funds bank account at a different banking institution. [Lorelai and Rory walk in] TAYLOR: Young ladies, in anticipation of your tardiness, we saved two seats for you right there in the back. LORELAI: Thanks for thinking of us, Taylor. [they walk up to sit in the front] Whew! Okay, raise your hand if you bathed in cologne. TAYLOR: In the interest of getting home sometime tonight, I'd like to bring up the final point of business, and that is a certain citizen's desire to open an old fashioned soda shop in town. LUKE: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. BABETTE: Who's the guy? LUKE: What other putz would wanna open up an old-fashioned soda shop? TAYLOR: Dispense with the Yiddish, young man. LUKE: This is not a town matter, Taylor. This is a private matter between you and me which was settled when I said no. TAYLOR: This is a town matter because when this town is in need of a particular business to provide necessary services, it's up to the town to band together and lure it. LUKE: How does a stupid soda shop count as a necessary business? TAYLOR: Allow me to show you something that will make you wonder how we ever lived without it. Kirk, if you will. [Kirk pushes a covered table in front of the podium] TAYLOR: Kirk, I told you to get something decorative to cover it. KIRK: Well, my mom wouldn't let me use one of her nice tablecloths so I just grabbed a sheet from my hamper. TAYLOR: Take it off. [Kirk removes the sheet to reveal a miniature model of the proposed soda shop] LUKE: What's that, a toy? MISS PATTY: Oh, it's awfully cute. TAYLOR: That is a professionally manufactured diorama of the proposed business. RORY: Wow, there's little people and everything. SOOKIE: They look so real. JACKSON: Hey, it's me holding a tiny zucchini! LORELAI: Look at the horse drawn carriage. TAYLOR: My thought was to park it out front with the name of the business painted on the side. It's very eighteen-hundreds. BABETTE: The horse is taller than the front door. LORELAI: Way taller. LUKE: What are you up to, Taylor? Are you breeding giant horses? TAYLOR: It's slightly out of proportion. BABETTE: Slightly? That little guy there could walk right under the horse without even ducking. TAYLOR: You're missing the big picture here, townsfolk. Now, this wonderful business belongs in Stars Hollow – whether Luke rents the space willingly or not. LUKE: How would I not rent it willingly? TAYLOR: I'm talking about eminent domain, my friend. Check the town's bylaws. If a three-fourths majority finds it necessary to use the space for a specific function, the landowner must concede. LUKE: That's for taking over houses to turn into hospitals during a national emergency like the Civil War. If you wanna turn this place into a Civil War hospital, be my guest! TAYLOR: Some would attest that the succor that my soda shop is going to offer is on the same level as the comfort that a hospital could provide. LUKE: You're gonna need a hospital, Taylor! LORELAI: Hit him! RORY: Which one? LORELAI: Either one, I'm easy. TAYLOR: Come on, Luke. This shop is based on the original soda shop that was in town eighty years ago. Don't you see? You are preventing the town – LUKE: From moving backwards. Who here wants to do that? LORELAI: [in high voice] We like ice cream. LUKE: Oh, come on. RORY: A nice burger from Luke's and an ice cream soda, yum! LUKE: You want that thing? LORELAI: With a cherry. LUKE: With the striped awning and the giant horse? [Lorelai and Rory nod] LUKE: [to Taylor] Be ready to pay through the nose. TAYLOR: We'll talk terms. We have our soda shop everybody! Meeting dismissed. KIRK: Taylor, is it too soon to talk about management opportunities? LORELAI: [to Luke] Hey, you get to be Taylor's landlord, that's kind of cool. LUKE: Thanks for your lack of help. LORELAI: Grump. CUT TO OUTSIDE [As people file out of the town meeting, Lane walks up to Lorelai and Rory] LANE: So, how was lunch with Harvard guy? RORY: Great, he answered all my questions. LORELAI: He makes a killer chicken, he sticks a lemon up its butt. LANE: Nice. RORY: And he gave me excellent tips on how to write my essay. We're very impressed with him. LORELAI: He passes the test. [a boy walks up to Lane] DAVE: Excuse me, Lane? LANE: That's me. DAVE: Okay, great, I'm Dave Rygalski. LANE: Right, hi. You're a guitarist. DAVE: Yeah. LANE: But how'd you know I was me? DAVE: The Dead Kennedys shirt was a tip off. LANE: Good thinking. Hey, uh, isn't it a drag that Jello Biafra isn't singing for them anymore? DAVE: Yeah, now their front-man's that kid from the Courtship of Eddie's Father. LANE: Yeah, what's next – Urkel joining the Wu-Tang Clan? DAVE: Or maybe Malcolm in the Middle fronting for the Butthole Surfers. LANE: Some things are sacred. DAVE: I'm with ya on that. LANE: So, um, what's your band like? DAVE: We do a lot of cool covers – uh, the Clash, the Kinks, et cetera. Statistically, it's like thirty-eight of the forty-three bands you listed. LANE: Nice percentage. DAVE: I can play you a song we demo'd a couple weeks ago using a drum machine. LANE: Great. [he takes some audio equipment out of his bag] What's all this? DAVE: Well, this is a headphone amp and it just boosts the volume and makes the clarity off the hook, and then these are Grado 125s, which is just really, killer, killer portable sound. I'm sort of an audio geek, sorry. LANE: No, don't apologize, I love you. . .for that, for being that way. I love it. Um, I'm like that too. DAVE: You wanna go over to the bench maybe and have a listen? LANE: Yeah. DAVE: Okay. [they walk away] RORY: I think a love song's in their future. LORELAI: With lots of lyrics about snogging. RORY: About what? [Dean walks up behind them] DEAN: Hey. RORY: Hey. [they kiss] You missed everything. LORELAI: That's snogging. RORY: Got it. LORELAI: Bye. [walks away] DEAN: So, any fireworks? RORY: Well, there was a classic Luke/Taylor dispute, but it was resolved and will result in ice cream floats and twenty foot horses. DEAN: Good deal. And what about your lunch? RORY: Oh, it was great. I feel so much better about things now. The application's not freaking me out anymore. DEAN: You look unfreaked. RORY: Well, nothing can stop me now. It's full steam ahead. DEAN: That's great. Can I ask you something? RORY: Of course you can. DEAN: What happens when you leave? RORY: When I leave when? DEAN: When you leave for Harvard. . .do we break up? RORY: Whoa, that was blunt and out of nowhere. DEAN: Well, it seems like we should be blunt right now. RORY: No, we don't break up. Do you want that? DEAN: No, but how will we see each other? RORY: Easy, weekends – that's what they were invented for. DEAN: So you'll come home, do homework all weekend, then leave. RORY: No, I can do my homework during the week or on the train coming home to see you, who I will spend my weekends with not doing homework. Plus, we can talk during the week on the phone constantly. Trust me, it'll feel like I never left. DEAN: Oh yeah? RORY: Christiane Amanpour spends half of her life standing in foxholes in third world countries, and she has a husband and a kid. And she was on C-SPAN last week getting some award, so if she and her husband can make it work, we can. DEAN: So we'll have access to the CNN jet? RORY: No. Or hey, you can go to college in Boston. DEAN: I'm going to junior college. RORY: Boston has junior colleges. DEAN: But not dorm rooms. RORY: Well, you can rent an apartment. DEAN: With the money I get when I win the lottery? I mean, I think access to the CNN jet is more likely. RORY: Why are you being like this? So. . . DEAN: Realistic? RORY: Come on, be serious. DEAN: I am. I am. RORY: That's too serious. DEAN: Yeah, uh, you know, just forget it. Come on, we were gonna go to Luke's, right? RORY: Yeah. DEAN: Let's go to Luke's. [they walk past Lane and Dave on the bench] LANE: It's great, it really is. DAVE: Okay, cool. Well, listen, then I'll talk to the guys, uh, and we'll get together and play next week. LANE: Sure. Um, I've gotta get home. DAVE: All right. Well, uh, it was good meeting you, Lane. LANE: Same here. [Lane takes off her Dead Kennedys shirt; underneath is a shirt that says Trust God] DAVE: Trust God – is that a band? LANE: No. My life. [pan to Lorelai, Sookie, and Jackson] SOOKIE: Oh, come on, you do not like modern art. JACKSON: Oh, then I was mistaken, I guess I don't. I'm a mindless android, I have no opinions. SOOKIE: Well, what kind do you like? LORELAI: Yeah, do you like the kind that looks like someone hemorrhaged on a canvas? JACKSON: Yes, I love hemorrhaging. SOOKIE: Or the sculpture that looks like it was dropped and then glued back together? JACKSON: Actually, the real love of my life is being mercilessly teased by the two of you for simply stating an opinion. LORELAI: Oh, we're sorry. SOOKIE: Yeah, we're sorry. Kisses! JACKSON: Oh, in public, no less. LORELAI: Hey, where's Rory? We need all the girls a-kissing ya. JACKSON: Hey, that reminds me, what are you gonna do with Rory's room? LORELAI: Her room, when? JACKSON: When she's gone. Are you doing anything with it? LORELAI: Well, I haven't thought about it. JACKSON: Well, let me know. We can work something out. LORELAI: You want her room? SOOKIE: For what, your burgeoning modern art collection? JACKSON: I'm talking about my tools. SOOKIE: Oh, your tools, yeah. LORELAI: What tools? JACKSON: I have this collection of antique farming tools that my dad passed down to me. SOOKIE: Pre-Revolutionary War. They're kind of valuable. JACKSON: And I've got no place to put them. I've been looking for the right space. LORELAI: In Rory's room? SOOKIE: It's perfect! LORELAI: But she's got all her stuff in it. JACKSON: Not for long. LORELAI: Yeah, right, not for long. JACKSON: Just think about it. LORELAI: Yeah, I will. I will. CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE [The phone is ringing] LORELAI: No, no, not another band phone call! RORY: We never gave Lane a cutoff time. LORELAI: Let the machine get it. I cannot talk to another seventeen-year-old whose every other word is ‘uh'. RORY: Not even a word. LORELAI: Exactly. [They stand next to the phone and listen to the machine] DARREN: [on answering machine] Hello, Gilmores! This is Darren Springsteen, how are ya? I just wanted to let you know that I just finished going over Rory's records here, and no shock, they're perfect. Rory, you are tailor-made for Harvard. They're lucky to have you. As far as I'm concerned, you should pack your bags. I'm gonna tell all this to the people in admissions and I'll give your headmaster a call as well, so take care and we'll talk again. Bye-bye. [hangs up] LORELAI: That's fantastic, honey. RORY: Yeah. LORELAI: You're in. RORY: Well, not officially. LORELAI: He said pack your bags. RORY: Yeah, cool. LORELAI: So what are you up to today? You have, uh, newspaper stuff to do, right? RORY: Yeah, a ton, and you were going to catch up with some stuff at the inn? LORELAI: Payroll. . . a lot of check signing to do. RORY: Are people waiting for their checks? LORELAI: Kind of. RORY: Right. You know, um, the newspaper stuff can wait ‘til Monday. LORELAI: Really? ‘Cause I can sign the checks tomorrow. RORY: You sure? LORELAI: Absolutely. RORY: So what do you wanna do? LORELAI: I don't know, what do you wanna do? RORY: I don't know, let's just hang. LORELAI: That sounds great. CUT TO TOWN SQUARE [Lorelai and Rory walk down the sidewalk past Luke's. Luke is arguing with Taylor about a sign he is hanging over the proposed soda shop that says "Future Home of Taylor's Olde Fashioned Soda Shoppe"] LUKE: You had to have ordered that sign weeks ago! You were that sure that I would cave in? TAYLOR: Well, you did, didn't you? The right's too high. LUKE: And when did it become Taylor's? It said Stars Hollow on the stupid model, and I don't like the extra P and E at the end of shop. Get rid of it! TAYLOR: No. LUKE: I'm your landlord, Taylor. TAYLOR: And as a tenant, I have rights. Talk to my lawyer if you disagree. LUKE: And how are you spelling rights, Taylor? With two E's and three S's? [Lorelai and Rory walk down the street toward the gazebo]

Rory's application for Harvard arrives, plunging Rory, Lorelai and Emily into a frenzy. A Chilton seminar on college applications only adds to Rory's anxiety and sends Paris into a tizzy. Taylor steamrollers Luke into opening a soda shop next to the diner. Lane places an ad in the paper for a band and finds a musical soul mate. Lorelai and Rory have dinner with a Harvard alumnus and his family which may assure her chances of acceptance. Dean has a talk with Rory about their future after she goes to Harvard.

fd_The_O.C._01x09

fd_The_O.C._01x09_0

Opens on a breathtakingly beautiful shot of the coast Cohen's house - Kitchen - Kirsten is pouring juice & Seth is sitting at the kitchen table. Kirsten: first day of school, are you excited? (Seth gives her a look) You know I ask you questions in the hopes of eliciting an actual response Seth: I feel I convey more with a look (makes puppy dog eyes at her) Kirsten: you look adorable! Seth: no Kirsten: cute? Seth: no Kirsten: dope? Seth: no Kirsten: RAD! Seth: PLEASE, please this is so painful Kirsten: ah, I'm-I'm-sorry-sorry (Sandy walks in) How was surfing? Sandy: cut it short, I wanted to see the boys off Kirsten: doesn't Seth look rad (Sandy kisses her head) Sandy: oh you do look rad, bad props son (Seth is shaking his head in horror, Ryan walks in) Seth: thank god man, are you ready to go Sandy: (to Ryan) first day, are you excited? (Ryan gives him a look, like Seth tried to do earlier with Kirsten) Sandy: enough said Seth: how do you do that by the way, how do you convey everything with just a look (Ryan gives it to Seth) Seth: again! Kirsten: (to Ryan) how're you doin?...are you nervous? Ryan: why would I be nervous? Seth: because we're going to school with like three hundred Luke's minus the redeeming social qualities (Ryan looks at him) I got it, sorry you make me more nervous (?) CUT TO: Jimmy's house - Marissa and Summer are sitting on the sofa, Jimmy walks in with French toast Summer: don't be nervous Marissa: uh I'm not nervous I'm just not going Summer: Coop you have to go, you own the school and what about kick off carnival your still the social chair Marissa: hmm let's see, be humiliated in front of the entire school or hire someone to do balloon animals Summer: Huh, you have to hire the guy who makes the balloon octopus (Marissa gives her a look) So your boyfriend cheated on you and yes you almost died in Mexico and, OK there is that whole scandal with your dad Marissa: If you're trying to make me feel better... Summer: ok the point is there's no such thing as bad publicity (Marissa smells something) Marissa: Is that something burning? Jimmy: Ok so uh new oven, haven't quite figured out how to make French toast Summer: Not in the oven, would be a good place to start! Jimmy: since no one will hire me I've got plenty of time, I'm gonna go out and buy a cook book (Marissa smiles) come on, it's good its, there crunchy, see Marissa: umm no thanks Summer: yeah...I don't know who I'm more worried about here Jimmy: well I think it's safe to say that this year is...going to be different CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Kirsten and Sandy are standing at the sink, Seth & Ryan are getting ready to leave Kirsten: you know maybe this year'll be different you know, better Seth: yeah that's the mantra every year, and every year some big water polo player ends up uh peeing in one of my shoes (Sandy looks at him) nah I'm just kidding, they pee in both. Ryan has Mr. Schmidt for uh pre cal (they all look at Ryan) Ryan: what's wrong with Mr. Schmidt? Seth: nothing, say hi to his mom for me! Sandy: well, at least you have each other Seth: that is very wise dad Sandy: thankyou son Ryan: (looks worried) we're doomed CUT TO: Theme Song - California by Phantom Planet The Harbor School - Seth & Ryan are walking Seth: the master race, it's been perfected Ryan and they all go to our school (to passing jocks) Hey, fellas (the jocks knock into him as they walk passed, and say nothing) Alright, don't get your speedos in a bunch Ryan: This is a nightmare Still Harbor School, Summer & Marissa are walking Marissa: This is a nightmare Summer: I bet like no one even knows Marissa: are you kidding? (they walk passed a group of girls talking about Marissa) Girl: I heard she died down there; she looks pretty good for a dead girl Summer: Hey whores, why don't you go work another corner Marissa: Sum, (walking away) maybe I should just go home, you know help my dad unpack Summer: no Coop that is as bad as it's gonna get (sees Seth & Ryan walking towards them) I spoke to soon Seth: Hello Summer, what does your schedule look like today Summer: Full Seth: oh really, ok, alright CUT TO: Marissa & Ryan Ryan: Hey, a friendly face Marissa: Hey, how's it goin? Ryan: not good, you? Marissa: oh worse Ryan: so uh, why don't we just get outta here, right now just get in your car and go down to the pier Marissa: I can't dean Kim would call my dad, or worse my mom Ryan: ok, how about after school? Marissa: I'm suppose to help chair the kick off carnival committee...I know I've been looking for an excuse to get out of it Ryan: well I think you've found one Marissa: (smiles) ok, I'll meet you out front Ryan: something to look forward to (Summer walks up) Summer: Coop, can we go please (they both walk away from Ryan and not realising, towards Luke) Luke: hey, could we maybe talk or (a shot of Ryan looking worried, Marissa backs away) Summer: stay away from her! Luke: how am I spose to do that we all go to the same school Summer: oh well maybe you should of thought about that before hooking up with one of her best friends! Ass! (Ryan catches up to Marissa) Ryan: hey, are you ok? Marissa: yeah, I just have to get use to it...this I guess Ryan: but, we're still on right? Marissa: yeah, something to look forward to! (smiles and walks away) Summer: Coop (catching up to her) Seth: see ya Summer (to Ryan) slowly I thaw her icy heart CUT TO: Cohen house - Sandy & Kirsten's bedroom - Sandy is fixing his tie in the mirror, Kirsten is watching Kirsten: Look at you! Sandy: if I must Kirsten: new suit, new scent, mm new look Sandy: I feel like this is headin somewhere Kirsten: new girlfriend Sandy: ohh, and there it is, you still wont forge (Kirsten kisses him and pushes him back onto the bed) sandy & Kirsten: mm, ooh, mm Sandy: oh god, I shoulda found an attractive co worker years ago (Kirsten looks at him) it was a figure of speech Kirsten: Rachel's attractive? Sandy: is that her name? its context only you know in relation to which she invokes amorous feelings in my far more, extremely more attractive wife Kirsten: good answer (she kisses him again, they sit back up) mornings use to be our time Sandy: (with his head buried in her neck) oh I remember them well Kirsten: mm, what happened? (they kiss again) (mobile phone rings) Sandy: oh, work happened (he tries to get his phone out of his pants pocket) I can't get it just hang on one sec (lays back on the bed and rolls Kirsten to his side) just hold on, wait, I got it Kirsten: (looks at the phone) how did she know? (sighs) your not going to answer it are you (Kirsten's phone rings now) Kirsten: ooh, it's my dad Sandy: Hey, Rachel Kirsten: Hi dad (sighs) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth & Summer are walking inside, down stairs Seth: so Summer if you would care to join me for lunch today I can arrange to have an empty chair available at my table Summer: there's nothing but empty chairs at your table Seth: (gasps) (off screen) Anna: Seth Cohen! Seth: Anna! (gives her a hug) hey how're you doin Summer: (looks jealous) um excuse me we were talking here Anna: oh, so insulting him counts as conversation Seth: yeah well if it doesn't then we've never spoken, Summer you remember Anna right, she's moved here from Pittsburgh Summer: how could I forget (walks away) Seth: oh hey so we're gonna, we're gonna still be on for lunch today right... (to Anna) she probably didn't even hear me Anna: Seth, what are you doing? I thought you got passed this whole Summer thing at Catillion Seth: Right, and I know Anna that it seems like not alot of progress has been made but I have to tell you, well yeah not that much progress has been made despite all my best judgements I cannot, not like her Anna: you are such a boy! Seth: well, whatever. I don't see what the problem is I'm nothing but available to that girl Anna: alright, right there, that's your problem. girls like to be chased by guys that aren't into them Seth: and that sounds a little bit like a game to me Anna and I don't really like to play games ok, unless we're talking about a little-a little Saturday night jenga, a little-little magic gathering. LOVE magic gather Anna: maybe you just don't know how to play Seth: well, your a gir...l right Anna: yeah Seth: uh huh and we're friends right Anna: sure Seth: ok awesome so then why don't you train me in the ways of women huh, give me a little advice Anna: I don't understand the mind of chicks like Summer Seth: ill teach ya how to play jenga Anna: (sighs) do you really like her Seth: (nods) since I was ten Anna: (giving in) fine...but I make no promises Seth: trust me I cannot do any worse then I've been doing Anna: that I trust Seth: You're my girl! CUT TO: Sandy's office - Sandy is looking at case files, and Rachel walks in Rachel: hey Sandy: hey Rachel: what were you doing this morning when I called you sound um, did I wake you? Sandy: uh, huh I was spending some time with my wife Rachel: oh yeah, how'd that go? Sandy: well I got to work on time didn't I? Rachel: to bad, it might be a while before your wife is in the mood for looove Sandy: oh yeah, something you know I don't Rachel: well I know lots that you don't but in this case, are you familiar with the Balboa wetlands Sandy: yeah, it's the largest coastal wetlands in California, home to the blue heron and the brown pelican and my personal favourite something called the swamp rose Rachel: right, the wetlands are key to water quality in the county and not to mention, they're kinda pretty Sandy: so naturally they must be destroyed Rachel: The Balboa heights are 250 acres of land that sit above said wetlands Sandy: yeah, every developers been going after the heights for years Rachel: well somebody got it, and they're looking to tear it up, put in condos, a golf course Sandy: (sarcastically) oh thank god cause you know the lack of golf courses around here is, it's tragic Rachel: This is a policy changing career making piece of litigation here, a tree hugging crusader like yourself would probably kill for a case like this Sandy: and you wanna share this with me Rachel: yes Sandy: why? (Rachel hands him the file) Sandy: oh, my wife's company is the plaintiff Rachel: it's her fathers company Sandy: so why even tempt me with this, it's a conflict of interest I, I'm not even sure it'd be ethical Rachel: well the client, the Balboa land trust not only waived the conflict of interest they insisted that you take the case. your politics, your passion, your severe dislike for your father in-law, your the ideal advocate Sandy: I suspect my wife is gonna have a different spin on all this Rachel: look, you came to this firm because we have the resources to help you make a difference, they're gonna teach this in law school...so what's it gonna be? Your s*x life or the swamp rose CUT TO: Harbor school - Marissa walks into a class, and she sees Holly & a group of girls gossiping and laughing Holly: (whispering) did you know that she overdosed on vicadin (Marissa tries to ignore it) CUT TO: Ryan walking into his class, he sees Luke at the table, neither looks impressed CUT TO: Dr Kim's office - Marissa is talking to her about quitting social chair Dr Kim: you are not quitting your post as social chair Marissa, you were elected by the students, you've held the position for 2 years Marissa: I know Dr Kim but that was before everything that's happened this summer Dr Kim: I understand you are going through alot of change right now but you're a leader here at Harbor that doesn't have to change. you're a wonderful example to your fellow students they look up to you Marissa: not anymore they don't Dr Kim: putting aside the issue of how walking away from your extracurricular responsibilities will affect your college transcript. people are always going to talk, may as well give em somethin good to talk about. Don't disappear Marissa, this is your school, your life, your future CUT TO: Ryan waiting for Marissa out the front, Seth & Anna walk up Seth: Hey what're you doing? Ryan: you haven't told me about summer reading? Seth: who does summer reading Ryan: apparently everyone in my class Seth: oh, yeah sorry about that one. so listen Anna here has convinced me to join the plank, it's the literary magazine Anna: I needed an extra curricular activity and apparently you don't have to wear a sports bra to be on the lit mag Seth: See it's appealing on many levels, plus I feel I uh have a few limericks that are ready to be shared with the world Ryan: well have fun, I'm gonna hang with Marissa Seth: school might not suck this year (Seth and Anna walk away, Marissa walks over) Marissa: Hey, so it turns out I have to plan this carnival thing after all Ryan: oh...ok Marissa: yeah I mean I talked to the dean and I think getting involved in school again might not be such a bad idea...I know that sounds lame Ryan: uh yeah, no, no, it's cool. so uh Marissa: can we reschedule Ryan: absolutely Marissa: what about the carnival, I'll save you a ride on the ferris wheel (grinning) Ryan: no ferris wheels, I don't, I don't do heights, but uh we'll figure somethin out Marissa: are you sure your gonna be... Ryan: Fine I just got a, alot of reading to do, like five hundred years of it so Marissa: ok, so I'll see ya! CUT TO: Cohen house the next morning - Sandy & Kirsten's bedroom Sandy: morning Kirsten: hey, I didn't hear you come in last night Sandy: uh I didn't wanna wake you, you look nice Kirsten: dads demanding a company breakfast, some kind of crisis. so if this is how its gonna be after a couple of weeks of work we're just gonna be like Sandy: two ships passing in the morning Kirsten: hmm, what have they got you working on? Sandy: a big uh high profile case Kirsten: uh, how bout lunch today, ill pay. you know what actually you can pay your the one thats working on a high profile case Sandy: how bout Friday? Kirsten: ill have my people call your people, I love you (kisses him on the cheek) Sandy: love you too Cohen kitchen - Ryan is drinking coffee and reading, Sandy comes in Sandy: hey kid...how did school go for ya? Ryan: fine, just behind Sandy: after one day, nice work...oh its brutal you're brave to face those preppy little savages and I mean the teachers Ryan: I don't think it was a good idea, me and private school Sandy: your one of the smartest kids they've got Ryan: it's not the work, its just (sighs) everybody's got somethin, except me Sandy: well you've got Seth Ryan: Seth's got his women Sandy: (shocked) Seth Cohen? (Ryan nods) ok s, really? So you need something, and activity, a sport (Seth walks in) Seth: Ladies Sandy: don juan we're trying to figure out an extra curricular activity for Ryan here Seth: ok Sandy: Harbors got a great archery program (Ryan looks at him) fencing Seth: what century are you in open your mind for a second here dad this isn't me we're talking about. with Ryan we have an opportunity to have a real athlete in the family Sandy: true Seth: somebody to achieve all that your Jewish ness has prevented me from accomplishing, hey I always wanted to play soccer Ryan: I use to play soccer Seth: done Sandy: glad I could help CUT TO: Jimmy's house - He and Marissa are in the lounge room Jimmy: I didn't get around to gettin those cookbooks Marissa: yeah I guess it's better to play it safe though Jimmy: so how's sleepin on the uh, on the sofa Marissa: it's... fine Jimmy: you know it's just temporary Marissa: I know, I can handle it Jimmy: did you uh, talk to your mom (Marissa shakes her head) I'm sorry about all this sweetheart Marissa: I just wish you would of told me Jimmy: I know, I know but things, things 'll be different now (doorbell) Hey, don't get to excited, the phone company is installing an actual phone line (Marissa smiles at him) It's a very big day (Jimmy opens the door) Luke: Hey Mr. Cooper Jimmy: Luke Luke: yeah so uh is this your new place it looks great Jimmy: not buyin it Luke Luke: right uh, can I talk to Marissa Jimmy: No, you can't Luke: come on Mr. Cooper its me if I could talk to her for a minute or so Jimmy: yeah she told me what happened and uh I don't think she wants to talk to you right now Luke: come on, I mean if anybody knows about being in the dog house Jimmy: don't say it Luke: what can I do? Jimmy: you can leave Luke: alright well tell her, sorry Jimmy: ok (shuts the door) Marissa: (smiling) thanks CUT TO: Harbor school - corridor, Ryan and Marissa bump into each other Ryan: hey Marissa: hi Ryan: how did it go with the carnival? Marissa: oh, very exciting. so maybe if I get out of my meeting early, I think we're voting on cotton candy versus funnel cakes Ryan: cotton candy no question Marissa: my thoughts exactly Ryan: uh but I cant today, I got soccer practice Marissa: you do? Ryan: yeah, gonna try out, figured getting involved in school might not be such a bad idea Marissa: (smiling) yeah and plus now we both get out at five right. ill meet you in the quad after school Ryan: ill see you then CUT TO: Seth walking into a class, Anna is already in there Seth: hello Anna: hey Seth: is this seat taken Anna: it is now Seth: cool (sees Summer walk in) you uh, you can sit here if you want Summer Summer: thanks Anna: Seth, come sit here by me Seth: are you sure? you don't mind the whole ah one cheek on one cheek off Ann: SIT Seth: sitting (to Anna) OH oh my god, ok so we didn't talk about this, tell me about Tahiti Anna: ooh, it was incredible Seth: was it (to Summer) ah Anna just sailed to Tahiti Summer: (scoffs) sailing is like so not the fastest way to get anywhere, I mean if you would have flown you would of gotten there alot sooner Anna: you should be on the debate team Summer: ugh (gives Anna a look) CUT TO: Sandy's office, Kirsten is waiting for him Sandy: Hi Kirsten: (icy) Hi, nice office Sandy: it came furnished Kirsten: brought ya lunch (she throws it at him) Sandy: well it's not a lump of coal Kirsten: Sandy when were you gonna tell me Sandy: soon Kirsten: not soon enough, I signed a deposition this morning Sandy: oh, honey, I-I-I-I'm not even sure if I'm gonna take this case Kirsten: there IS no case! (folds her arms) Sandy: we're talking about destroying one of the most biologically productive ecosystems in the world, its like selling off the rainforest to profit a few wealthy individuals and asking generations and generations of others to pay for it Kirsten: we have proposed to protect three hundred and fifty acres of wildlife refuge and a natural park Sandy: you'll still add thirty percent more traffic and ten tonnes of air pollution daily, not to mention what you'll do to the water supply Kirsten: your gonna take this, I Sandy: n, no Kirsten: oh Sandy, it isn't even ethical Sandy: I feel pretty comfortable comparing ethics with your father Kirsten: Well as long as you're comfortable! I gotta go, I gotta keep this off my fathers radar he's gonna lose his mind [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO: Harbor school - soccer field, Ryan is there to try out Coach: alright move, don't wait for it (to Ryan) hey, you Atwood (Ryan nods) alright what position you comin out for? Ryan: striker Coach: striker, alright I tell you what, you see that kid out front that's Luke, he's our captain he's also our striker, well let's go, show me somethin Coach: hey Ward, you got a little competition CUT TO: Marissa finishing up her meeting Marissa: ok thanks you guys, so tomorrow we'll figure out event parking, hey and make sure the bands booked, no last second suprises (Luke is standing at the door as Marissa goes to walk out) Luke: we need to talk Marissa Marissa: believe me you do NOT wanna hear what I have to say Luke: yes I do Marisa: No, all you want is for me to tell you that everything's ok now, but I can't, its not Luke: I know, I know and-and I'm so sorry Marissa: I DONT CARE, (getting teary) I don't care how you feel, or what your going through because you sure as hell didn't care about me! Luke: that's not true Marissa: I slept with you! and then you went and slept with one of my best friends! I waited for you and you lied to me! you humiliated me (goes and sits down) Luke: Marissa I (sighs) it's just (a shot of Ryan walking into the corridor and seeing Luke with Marissa through the window) Luke: I'm so sorry, do you have any idea how hard it is to come to school every day and not be able to talk to you Marissa: you think it's easy for me? Luke: lets just, start over...please...I don't know what I'd do without you...and just because I ruined everything it doesn't mean that I didn't love you because I did... I-I do (Ryan sees Luke take her hand) Marissa: ...you know what the worst part is...if I hadn't caught you...I'd still love you to...I gotta go (Marissa leaves, and sees the main door moving) CUT TO: Cohen house morning, Sandy is out the front & Kirsten walks out to talk to him Sandy: oh I know that look Kirsten: I was trying to keep this from my dad, I was trying to protect us and now it's on the front page! (hands Sandy a newspaper, the heading reads: Wetlands lawsuit turns personal) I thought we could at least settle this privately, you and me Sandy: this was not spose to go to the press Kirsten: it's your firm, and now the entire community knows we're fighting (walks away) Sandy: well I guess they got the story straight! (Kirsten slams the door) CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan just got out of the shower; he comes out & sees Seth Ryan: what're you doing? Seth: Morning ritual Ryan, coffee-bagel-arts and leisure Ryan: you have a morning ritual (shakes his head) Seth: something I've been crafting for a while...so what's up dude? how's life, I feel like we never get a chance to talk anymore. who are you? Ryan: we had dinner twelve hours ago Seth: fine, you keep it all bottled up (Ryan looks as if he's going to say something, but doesn't) Seth: what was that? Ryan: nothing Seth: No, that wasn't nothing see I saw something I saw thoughts forming I saw words percolating Ryan: its jus...never mind Seth: come on! what was that dude Ryan: (giving in) uh last night I saw...Marissa with Luke Seth: makin out? Ryan: mm making up...Luke was crying Seth: Luke was CRYING...so Luke was crying that doesn't sound like anything Ryan: it didn't sound like nothing, it looked like they were getting back together Seth: w, so ask her about it, I'm sure that if nothings going on she'll tell you CUT TO: Harbor school - Marissa & Summer are walking inside Summer: do NOT tell him Marissa: uhh, I don't know shouldn't I just be honest Summer: never, ok you guys haven't even like gone out on a date yet, your only gonna freak him out, trust me Coop what he doesn't know wont hurt you Ryan is walking towards Marissa at her locker Ryan: hi Marissa: Hi (big smile) what happened to you last night I waited and I tried calling Ryan: yeah, sorry I got a little slammed last night I'm pretty behind Marissa: after two days Ryan: (nods) what'd you do? Marissa: umm, nothing, my meeting went long Ryan: ahh how'd it go? Marissa: good I think it's gonna be good Ryan: well what did you do after? Marissa: after I couldn't find you I uh went home Ryan: oh yeah, sorry Marissa: yeah but you've got soccer practice later right, so maybe ill stop by Ryan: (staring at her) I gotta get to class, ill see ya (they both walk off looking worried CUT TO: a class room - Seth & Summer are there Summer: (touches a dead frog) oh (sees that Seth is watching her) I mean eeewww Seth: that's my girl! Summer: Cohen, your a good dissector right Seth: hands of a surgeon Summer: well it's decided then, you'll be my lab partner. you can write up all those boring lab reports right Anna: actually Seth already has a partner, he's promised himself to me, right Seth: yyyyes I am betrothed Anna: good Seth: what're you doing, she wanted to be my lab partner,wh, your suppose to help me get her Anna: watch and learn Cohen (Summer goes and sits with a geek) Anna: follow my lead. Scalpel Seth: where should we begin? Anna: the heart! (Summer is watching them both, clearly jealous) CUT TO: Sandy's firm - Rachel is there Rachel: Well Sanford you are all anybody is talkin about around here Sandy: tell me now, did you bring me into this firm because of this case Rachel: we didn't have this case when we hired you, but don't worry about it, you've already convinced everyone that you're really torn. now could we get on with it, you know this could go to the state supreme court Sandy: yeah, and I know I can win, it's a question of what I'm gonna lose Rachel: oh well...if your marriage can't survive this what kinda marriage is it? CUT TO: Harbor school - soccer field, Ryan shoots for a goal, Luke is at the bench and Marissa walks up Marissa: hey Luke: s-sorry about yesterday, that was kind of intense...I think the last time I cried was...when Mcauly Culkin died at the end of my girl Marissa: (laughs) yeah the bee stings, you were a mess (Ryan sees them laughing together and doesn't look happy) Coach: hey Ward, get over here Luke: well I'll uh (?) Sorry coach I had to tape up my ankle Coach: alright are we finally all together (Marissa waves to Ryan, he doesn't wave back) Coach: alright I wanna see some hustle now, let's go! (Whistle blows, Luke takes the ball and Ryan goes after it, he bashes into Luke and trips him up) Coach: hey, illegal (grabs Ryan by the arm) Hey, get in my office, RIGHT NOW (Coach is taking care of Luke & Marissa looks on, confused) CUT TO: Cohen house at night, they are eating dinner and everyone except Seth is in a bad mood Seth: (to Ryan) Hey, how was soccer? (Ryan doesn't answer) So pops how's the new job (Sandy doesn't answer) Oh hey mom um are we (Kirsten glares at him) I'm just going to be quietly eating now CUT TO: the pool house, Ryan is on his bed reading and Marissa comes in Marissa: Hey, what was that about? Ryan: what Marissa: well you attacked him Ryan: he beat me to the ball, it was a clean tackle Marissa: why are you lying to me? Ryan: why are you lying to me? Marissa: what're you talking about? Ryan: you and Luke, I saw you yesterday I heard everything Marissa: I didn't know what to say Ryan: how bout the truth, why didn't you just tell me Marissa: why didn't you just tell me! instead of just going off and hurting him, you're as bad as he is! Ryan: you know what; I don't need to be lied to by one more person Marissa: I didn't lie to you...what happened was between me and Luke it has nothing to do with you Ryan: you're right it has nothing to do with me (the both look hurt) Ryan: this just isn't gonna happen Marissa: no, its not (she leaves) CUT TO: The pool house the next morning - Ryan walks out of the bathroom and Sandy is waiting for him Sandy: your coach called...he wants to suspend you for 2 games Ryan: great Sandy: he thinks you've got talent, he also thinks your attitude sucks Ryan: It does Sandy: SIT down and listen to me (Ryan doesn't move) You can stand if you want but you know how lawyers love to talk (Ryan sits on the bed) The last thing you need is for this blow out on the soccer field to turn into a suspension from school. This school could do great things for you Ryan: for Seth maybe, not for me Sandy: you're angry, I know that, I don't blame ya, every day at that school your gonna run into spoilt little rich kids who's ass you are gonna wanna kick, well you've just gotta find a way to work it out right now because forget about suspension...we're always one mistake away from...from someone taking you from us (Ryan looks at him)You know Seth was never really uh big on organised sports, id love to see you play, go to some of your games (Ryan half smiles, Sandy leaves) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth & Ryan are walking outside Seth: huh, and women usually find stuck brutality so romantic Ryan: I messed up Seth: ah yeah, well its my experience in life Ryan that you should always apologise alright, even if you haven't done anything wrong, your shoes would get peed in so much less...it was a metaphor Ryan: apologise, right, and to Luke Seth: that cry baby no man, he gets to drowned in his own tears Marissa and Summer are walking down stairs Summer: They're all the same, it's to bad cause I could tell you really liked him (Ryan walks up to them, as they get to the bottom of the stairs) Ryan: Hey, uh do you mind, could we? Summer: oh, we have to get to class...come on Coop (Summer pulls Marissa away, Marissa turns back to look at Ryan) (beautiful scenes of the beach at sunset/coast at sunset) CUT TO: Cohen house, backyard at night - Kirsten is in the spa, Sandy comes out with flowers Sandy: I do love Mr. Solomon Bourke Kirsten: (softly) hey Sandy: hey...I was, I was gonna bring you a bouquet of swamp roses but you know apparently there, there endangered...I'm gonna take it, I gotta, I'm sorry, it's who you married Kirsten: I know Sandy: y, you know I've been pissing you off for years, why stop now Kirsten: (smiles) my father, my husband, its gonna be a long year Sandy: could be a couple of years Kirsten: (softly) yeah, well, I couldn't be married to a man who wasn't a man Sandy: (softly) I'm all man (they both smile/laugh) Kirsten: we'll get through this, there's a reason why we're together Sandy: I have that suspicion Kirsten: ok Sandy: ok? Kirsten: ok Sandy: ok Kirsten: ok (kisses him) the kids are at that carnival Sandy: I heard that rumour Kirsten: mm hmm Sandy: are you getting out Kirsten: are you gettin in (she pulls him closer to her by his tie, phone rings) Oh my god Sandy: why do you keep this thing on? Kirsten: emergencies, oh that's my dad, and it's an emergency (Sandy's phone rings) Kirsten: hey, dad Sandy: Rachel, hi CUT TO: The carnival - Seth & Anna are playing ski ball Seth: if only ski ball were a school sport, you know what I mean Anna: a boy can dream Seth: alright let's see you take a shot Anna: no, ill pass Seth: take one shot, take a shot, its very easy, ok concentrate, alright lean to the left a little bit (to Ryan) hey Anna: (to Ryan) any luck finding Marissa Ryan: nah, no sign of her, you guys Seth: nothing, we have to let Anna concentrate now because she dares step up to the master, ssshhh (Anna throws, she's get 100,000 and screams/cheers in excitement) Seth: ok, clearly uh you're a lesbian, wow I'm gonna go trade in my tickets for some cash prizes (to Anna) oh hey do you think I should get Summer something, what do you think she would like (Anna gives him a look) ok I can figure it out Anna: (to Ryan) Seth doesn't understand the whole hard to get strategy Ryan: that's because he's not Anna: oh Ryan: why are you helping him with Summer? Anna: why not (Ryan raises his eyebrows) Seth doesn't see me that way, when he looks at Summer he sees lips, and hair and boobs, when he looks at me he sees...a lab partner, we're friends Ryan: an your gonna let that slide (Anna shrugs) Anna, guys wannna be chased by girls who aren't interested in them (they see Summer & Marissa in the distance) Anna: so do girls Ryan: she's heading for the ferris wheel, gotta go Anna: good luck! Ryan heads over to the ferris wheel and runs into Luke Ryan: I'm sorry about yesterday (Luke looks over at Marissa in the queue, and then back at Ryan, Ryan runs to catch Marissa just as Marissa and Summer get on. Ryan grabs Summers arm) Ryan: do you mind Summer: not getting involved (Summer walks away, letting Ryan take her place. Ryan sits next to Marissa and pulls the lap bar down) Marissa: what're you doing? (Ryan looks freaked out, remember he doesn't 'do' heights) Ryan: I wanna talk (ride starts) Marissa: I thought you were afraid of heights Ryan: uhh huh, but this is important to me (getting up top) oh boy, look um I said some things last night and I just want y (they stop abruptly right at the top, Marissa is amused) Ryan: whoa, uh-wh-what's going on Marissa: uh, we're stopped Ryan: yeah wh-wh-wh-why why are we stopped (Marissa looks down to see why, Anna hands money to the operator) Anna: keep them up there a few minutes, let them work it out Seth: you are the master Anna: Cohen, there's something I wanna tell you Seth: alright, more advice I'm ready, bring it (Anna grabs Seth & kisses him, Seth looks up after the kiss and sees Summer watching, Anna sees who Seth is looking at) Seth: is this... all part of the plan (Anna looks disappointed) cause it looks like its working Anna: yeah, was all part of the plan...so you gonna go Seth: yeah, thankyou (walks away but stops) oh hey, (shrugs) I got this for you (hands Anna a sock monkey) it's all I could get with my tickets Anna: thanks Seth goes over to Summer Seth: (clears throat) hey Summer, what's goin on Summer: Coop's stuck on the ferris wheel and I was looking for someone to go on the tilta-whirl with me (Seth takes some of her cotton candy) Seth: well I'll go on it with you Summer: ok, I may vomit Seth: I like those odds CUT TO: Ferris wheel, Ryan & Marissa are still stuck at the top. Ryan doesn't look great Marissa: are you ok Ryan: yeah (Marissa sits forward and rocks the seat) Ryan: had to get the cheap ferris wheel didn't you, oh what kinda carnival is this Cooper (Marissa looks at him) UUhh ok (closes his eyes and turns to her) Look, I don't talk, alot about stuff and I really don't trust people... but I trust you (Marissa smiles) and I wanna make it, (swallows) this work, no matter what...and if we ever get down from here maybe we could talk about it Marissa: (having fun with his vulnerability) oh, well who knows when that'll be Ryan: oh please don't say that (Marissa smiles) Marissa: Look, maybe you just need something to take your mind off of it Ryan: Oh we're fifty feet in the air how do you expect me to possibly (Marissa leans over and kisses him! Ryan opens his eyes, then closes them again - Awwww - after a while they begin to move down and neither notice, they stop at the bottom and Ryan says to the operator one more time, Marissa laughs and they start kissing again. camera pulls out to a wide shot of the ferris wheel still going round, and lit up beautifully)

Ryan doesn't feel like he belongs at Harbor and Luke doesn't help his situation. Summer keeps her friendship with Seth private, but is jealous of his relationship with Anna. Sandy accepts a case against Caleb at his new job, that will test his relationship with Kirsten.

fd_Charmed_07x15

fd_Charmed_07x15_0

[Scene: Magic School. Library. Paige, a man, and his daughter are there.] Paige: So the wizard didn't realise the weight of the book. And after he put them on the shelves, they blew up everywhere and he had to re-conjure the entire library magically. But because he was a wizard, it only took him a couple of minutes. (The man and the daughter giggle.) Yeah, it's a cute story. (under her breath) The first couple thousand times you tell it. Man: Excuse me? Paige: Nothing. That's pretty much the bulk of the tour. Would you like to know anything about the facilities, students, teachers? (Suddenly, Drake comes flying out of a room and he crashes against a wall.) Drake: Boy. That was swinging! Hi. Paige: Hi. This is Professor Drake. This is April, one of the students who's applying. Drake: Oh, salutations. How do you do? Hello. Paige: Drake is our visiting lecturer on advanced magical compositions. Drake: In this case, magical musical compositions. That's the use of meter and tempo in spell casting and conjuring. (They hear a grunt and a loud noise coming from the room.) Oh, the troll is here. Why don't we see if he'll dance for us. Come on. (They stand at the doorway.) Hey, you put them down! All of 'em. April: Wow, will I get to take his class? Drake: Sure, why not? Paige: Yeah, actually, Professor Drake's gonna be going on sabbatical in about a week. Drake: That's right. I forgot about that little wrinkle. But with eager minds, and the power of magic, it's midsummer madness all the time. Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta cut in. Opening Credits [Scene: Street. A security officer is standing in front of an abandoned building, pointing a gun. People are panicking and trying to get away from him.] Security Officer: They'll burn! They'll burn! Don't you understand? They'll burn. We have to help them. (The police pull up.) I don't want to hurt anybody. We have to help them! They're burning. (The police get out of the car and point their guns at him.) I don't wanna hurt nobody, but I need somebody to listen. We need help. (A police officer tackles him to the ground.) You don't understand. You don't understand. The fire... Police Officer: Relax, pal, you're under arrest. (He handcuffs him.) Get up. Security Officer: We gotta help Marie! Police Officer: Just calm down, buddy. Come on, everything's gonna be okay. Security Officer: No, it won't. You don't understand. The fire. You have to let me go so I can get help! They're gonna burn! They're gonna burn! (Screams are heard from a muddy hole in front of the building.) [Scene: Manor. Piper's Bedroom. Piper and Leo are there packing a suitcase. Wyatt is sitting on the bed.] Piper: Uh, rain gear for the kids? Leo: Yes. Piper: Camera and film? Leo: Of course. (Piper picks up an Italian dictionary and flips through it.) Piper: Extra room for my... Pattini? Leo: (thinks) Pattini. Piper: Shoes. It's not a vacation in Italia if you don't have new shoes. (Leo laughs.) What's the matter? Leo: I don't know. I guess I still don't think that this is such a good idea. Piper: Why not? In Hong Kong, we'll buy you some suits or bootleg DVDs or something. Leo: It's not the shopping. It's this whole world vacation thing. I just think we should stay here and wait for the Elders' decision on me. Piper: Absolutely not. That's precisely why we should be going. Look, we're all together, we deserve a vacation. And we're not gonna sit around and wait for the other pattini to drop, so that's that. We're going. Leo: But what about the travel and the cost? Piper: Oh, for god sakes, Leo. We're orbing. Leo: Okay, well, what about Phoebe and Paige? Piper: What about them? Leo: Well, they made us this big send-off dinner last night. Piper: Oh, please. They ordered pizza. Leo: Right. And we're not helping with the clean up. Piper: Wow, if that's the best you got, you really do need a vacation. Leo: But... Piper: Arresto! Look, Phoebe and Paige just remade the world. I think they can handle the kitchen. Now, unless you have any more objections... (They pick up Wyatt and Chris and their bags.) Leaning Tower of Pisa, here we come. (Leo orbs them all out of the room.) [Cut to the Kitchen. Phoebe is on the phone. Paige is at the sink cleaning the dishes.] Phoebe: I know, but Elise, why can't we just do the interview here? You know, kind of like an Ask Phoebe at home thing. Oh, yeah, the place looks great! (Paige makes a face.) Yeah, call them, I'll hold on. Paige: That sounds exciting. Phoebe: I guess. Paige: What do you mean? You have Cosmo profiling you. That'd be great at any time. Sheesh. Phoebe: I know, but I still want to make the most out of my day. Paige: Phoebe, you asked to meet me here at... 8:22. That's not making the most of your day. That's some sort of weird OCD thing. What's going on? Phoebe: I don't know. Maybe meeting Drake and realising what little time he has left has made me want to make the most of the time I have left? You know, time's a'wastin'. Paige: Yeah, well, at least you're not wasting all your time at Magic School. (The doorbell rings. Still on the phone, Phoebe heads for the front door.) Phoebe: (to phone) Yeah, Elise, I'm still here. Oh, they can move it, that's perfect. (Paige follows Phoebe to the front door.) Just as long as the shoot's over by 3:00, 'cause I'm speaking at City College. All right, I'll be there in like twenty-five minutes. (Phoebe hangs up.) Paige: Sheesh, woman. You're a machine. Phoebe: Every moment counts. Can you do me a favour and help me get this place cleaned up by 2:00? Great, thanks. (Phoebe opens the door.) Hey, Darryl, how you doing? Gotta go. (Phoebe grabs her coat.) Darryl: Hey, hold on a second. I need your help. Hi, Paige. Phoebe: I was afraid you were gonna say that. Paige: What's the matter? Darryl: I'm not sure, but I think I've been around you guys long enough to know when something is not right. Paige: What do you mean? Something magically wrong? Darryl: I don't know what else it can be. Phoebe: Listen, I'm on the clock here, so you gotta speed this up a little. Darryl: Okay, look, my friend Mike, my mentor, actually. He's the one that brought me into the force. I think that... he might be, you know, possessed, maybe. He's not crazy. I don't care what anybody says. I mean, Mike would not hurt a fly. Paige: Whoa, wait. Back up to the possessed thing, please. Darryl: Well, since Mike retired, he's been working at this jewelry store as security on Market. And lately he's been having these... episodes. Phoebe: What kind of episodes? Darryl: Well, they've been happening more and more frequently lately until yesterday when he just snapped. He started waving his gun around, talking about he's gonna die in some terrible fire at Cabaret Fantome. Paige: I haven't heard of that place. Darryl: Look... I haven't asked you guys for help like this before. Phoebe: Okay. Well, if I move my staff meeting to 11:00 and my 1:00 to 1:30, I should be able to help you right now. So I will check the archives for the club, Paige, you go with Darryl and check out this Mike guy, and we'll meet back here at like, I don't know, 1:10. (Phoebe leaves. Paige shrugs her shoulders.) [Scene: Bay General Hospital. A Room. Mike is strapped to a bed. He is yelling and trying to get free.] Mike: No! I need... I need somebody to listen to me! I don't have much time. You understand? I don't have much time! (Paige and Darryl stand at the doorway.) Darryl: You see what I mean? Paige: It doesn't seem demonic. Darryl: Not demonic? I'm telling you, he doesn't even know who I am. He acts like he doesn't even know who he is. Mike: Help! Let me get out of here! Paige: He mostly seems afraid and panicky. All right, here goes. (They walk over to Mike.) Hi, I... I'm... Mike: Marie. Paige: No, I'm Paige. Who's Marie? Mike: My fiance. She's trapped too. Paige: Trapped where? Mike: At the club with everybody else. Paige: Cabaret Fantome? Mike: Yes! Yes, you know it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You believe me? Darryl: Just relax, Mike. Mike: No! My name is George. I keep telling you that! We're gonna die. Don't you understand that? Darryl: If that's not possession, what is it? [Scene: Magic School. Phoebe and Paige are there. Phoebe shows Paige an old newspaper.] Phoebe: Cabaret Fantome, deadly fire. Maybe Darryl's friend isn't so crazy after all. The Count's club was the biggest, most corrupt in the city. Right until it burned down, killing everyone inside. Paige: Okay, why would the Count set the fire in the club, only to die in it himself? Phoebe: I don't know, maybe he couldn't get out fast enough? Paige: Maybe we should talk to George. Phoebe: George? Who's George? Paige: If I'm right, he's somebody who died in the fire. I think he's a spirit that's possessed Mike and he's crying out for help. Phoebe: Yeah, but why would he need help? The fire happened over a hundred years ago. (Drake walks in.) Drake: Help from the pain of being a lost soul, perhaps. Paige asked me to do a little research in between classes. (He drops a book on the table.) Phoebe: "Possessions, Confessions, and Ghostly Obsessions: A demon's guide to everything magical." Drake: Yeah, I used to sell these things lair to lair. Talk about a tough item to move. (The book opens.) Phoebe: "Lost souls are spirits of the dead, unable to move on because of spiritual confusion." Drake: That's when souls die a violent death together. The fires of Gomorrah, the Flood, Pompeii. (The book starts to shake.) I would step back. The book likes to show off a little, don't you? (A rope flies out of the book.) Phoebe: What the hell? Drake: Don't be afraid, it's simply illustrating a point. When souls die at once, the good ones can't move on because the bad ones are holding them back. And vice versa. They're lost, they're stuck in their respective afterlives, unaware of their tragic fate. It's really sad, actually. (The book slams shut.) Phoebe: Okay, but if they're unaware, how are we supposed to help George? Drake: We can't. Unless we enter his world and find out which one of those bad souls is holding him back. Phoebe: Excuse me? Drake: Well, this spell would get us there, but I'm not gonna tell you what it is unless you take me. Phoebe: Wait, us? Drake: How many chances do we have to go to the 1890s? Paige: It's not going to the 1890s that's the problem. It's getting back from the 1890s. Drake: Don't you worry there, little lady. The spell will only keep us with the souls till the moment they become lost. In this case, it's when the fire begins. Paige: Okay, how do we free George? Drake: I don't know, we wing it. Paige: Uh, okay. I don't know. I'm gonna go check out some other things. (Paige walks away.) Drake: All right. You don't have to go, but you do. Phoebe: I can't. I have an interview today. Drake: Interview shminterview. How does an interview weigh in against the fate of an innocent? And if we are to help, your premonition skills could prove essential. And it is the next logical step in our whirlwind romance. Phoebe: What whirlwind romance? Drake: The one we'd be having if we had time. Come on, I don't have long to live, I'm dying here. A soul needs your help. So, what do you say? (Phoebe sighs.) [Scene: Street. Phoebe, Paige and Drake pull up outside a large abandoned building.] Paige: Are you sure this is the place? Phoebe: It says here it's where the cabaret used to be. Paige: A vacant lot after 106 years? Drake: It's probably haunted. Or better yet cursed. Cool, let's go. Paige: Is there a special reason we can't do this from home? Drake: The closer we are to where the souls were lost, the better the chances of finding the exact one we are looking for. Excuse me. Safety first. (He gets out of his seat and climbs over to the back seat where Phoebe is. Phoebe giggles.) Phoebe: What are you doing? Drake: Getting comfortable. What else? You don't want my body... slumped in the front seat. It's too conspicuous. Phoebe, living isn't about tasks. It's about living. (Drake clicks his fingers and an old sheet of paper appears in his hand.) Phoebe: All right. Paige, are you gonna make sure Elise bumps my interview two hours? Paige: I'm all over it. Phoebe: And we will be back before two hours? Drake: Yeah. We'll return just when the fire begins. Which, based on what you said about George, seems imminent. "Free our souls from their shells, see where the lost spirits dwell, long enough to find their pain, quick enough to return again." (Phoebe and Drake fall asleep.) [Cut to inside Cabaret Fantome. 1890s. Phoebe and Drake appear on a staircase. Phoebe is wearing a red feathery dress and Drake is wearing a black tuxedo.] Phoebe: Oh, my. (They look around and see men and women drinking and talking. A man is playing a piano.) This is... Drake: Fantastic. Well, you look stunning. Phoebe: Why, thank you. You don't look so bad yourself. Drake: Well, thank you very much. (Phoebe takes Drake's arm and they walk down the stairs.) Phoebe: So, what do we do now? Drake: We mingle. (They walk through the room. A man sitting at a table near by with some women stands up.) Count Roget: Ladies, please. (The women walk away.) Toulouse, who the hell is that? (A man turns around and looks at Phoebe and Drake.) Toulouse: Never seen 'em before, boss. Count Roget: Nor have I. Find out who they are. (Phoebe and Drake notice Count Roget staring at them.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Cabaret Fantome. Continued from before. Phoebe and Drake are walking through the room.] Drake: Pardon us. Phoebe: So all these people are stuck in some, like, ghostly limbo? As if the fire never happened? Drake: It happened. Otherwise they wouldn't be here. (Drake watches a woman walk past them.) Phoebe: All right, keep your eyes in your socket, buddy. We're here for George, remember? Drake: That doesn't mean we can't enjoy ourselves. Come on, it's 1899. You may not remember, but I do. What, the Gilded age? It's a time when everyone thought life couldn't possibly get any better. There was science, there was art. There was peace and love. And romance. Everything was a celebration. Phoebe: This is a celebration? Everyone's dead, just like... Woman's Voice: George? George? (A woman walks up to a fortune teller sitting at a table.) What did you do to him? Fortune Teller: I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about. Woman: Don't lie to me. I saw him over here talking to you and now he's gone. Fortune Teller: What can I say? He likes my cards. Still, I don't know where he is. Now, if you'll excuse me. (A man sits at the fortune teller's table. The woman walks away.) Phoebe: Uh, excuse me? I couldn't help but overhear. Do you know George? Woman: Who are you? Phoebe: That doesn't matter. But what does matter is that George came to us for help. About the fire? Woman: What fire? What are you talking about? I don't have time for this. (The woman walks away.) Phoebe: She doesn't know about the fire either? Drake: That's because it hasn't happened yet. Not as far as she's concerned. Not as far as they're all concerned. Phoebe: Huh? Drake: Don't you see? They're doomed to repeat the last few hours over and over again. It's like a never-ending loop. Phoebe: Well, that's just terrible. What could possibly cause such a thing? Drake: What or who? (They look over at Count Roget. Toulouse walks up to Count Roget.) Count Roget: Well? Toulouse: Well, they're not the law. I don't know where they came from. Count Roget: I'm more interested in how they got in. And if they're my way out. Toulouse: What do you mean? Count Roget: Toulouse, what if I was to tell you everyone in this room has been reliving this same night for over 100 years? Like rats on a wheel. I mean, nobody knows it but me. And what if, no matter what anybody did, or how hard they tried, there's absolutely no way out? And all the drinking and gambling and... the girls. Well, what if they didn't mean squat? What if, you'll love this, I told you that it was going to be like that forever? Forever. What would you say then? Toulouse: Well... Would I get to keep my tips? Count Roget: Bring me a Scotch. Champagne for the lady, and a cigar for the gentleman. I want them to be comfortable when I meet them. Toulouse: Yes, sir. [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Paige has put Phoebe and Drake on the chairs.] Paige: Okay, if you guys are not back in two minutes, I'm calling Piper. (The doorbell rings. Paige walks into the foyer and opens the door. Elise and the photographers are there.) Hey, Elise. What are you doing here? Elise: Well, what do you mean? I'm here with Cosmo for the photo shoot. Where's Phoebe? Paige: Uh, Phoebe... Didn't you get her message? She said she's gonna have to reschedule. Elise: What? Paige: Yeah, just for a couple hours. (Elise walks inside and closes the door.) Elise: I never got the message to push the shoot. Are you out of your mind? We're talking national exposure here for her column. The kind you can't buy, and the deadline is tonight! And no, I can't just... (Elise sees Phoebe asleep in the chair in the conservatory.) Phoebe? Phoebe, we talked about this. (Elise heads for the conservatory.) You blow it with Cosmo once, you don't get a second chance. What is the matter with her? (Paige stands in front of Elise, stopping her from walking any further.) Paige: Well... I'd say that she's got food poisoning. Elise: Food poisoning! Paige: Shh. I think the more she can sleep, the quicker she'll get better. Elise: When? When is she gonna get better? Paige: Well, like I was trying to say... A couple hours. Have you thought about doing it at the office? (They walk back towards the door.) Elise: Well, that is where I originally wanted it, but... Paige: See? You're brilliant. Really, a brilliant woman. Okay, I promise you'll have her there. Elise: She better be. (Elise leaves. Paige walks into the conservatory.) Paige: Piper! Piper, Leo! (Piper, Leo, Wyatt and Chris orb in.) How was the vacation? Piper: This better be an emergency. We were just about to go for a gondola ride. (Paige points to Phoebe and Drake.) Per l'amor di dio! (Leo translates.) Leo: Oh, for the love of god. [Scene: Cabaret Fantome. A fan dancer walks on stage and talks to the piano player. Phoebe and Drake are sitting at a table. Count Roget is sitting at a table beside them.] Drake: Hey, a fan dance. I love a fan dance. Wait'll you see this. (Phoebe looks uninterested.) Nevermind. Count Roget: Yes, it is quite a sight. A beautiful woman onstage, nothing between her and the audience except two ostrich plume fans. The allure of the dance is to watch how she moves with the fans. Showing only what she wants, not an inch more. Phoebe: Is the dance ever performed by a man? Count Roget: So tell me, my new friends, how exactly do you know George? Phoebe, Drake: What makes you think that we do? Count Roget: Well, I saw you talking to his fiance, Marie. She seems terribly distraught, doesn't she? Phoebe: She doesn't know what happened to him. Drake: Do you? Count Roget: I've been concerned about him recently. Keeping an eye on him, you know. He is my best barkeep, after all. Phoebe: And you don't know what happened? Count Roget: I wish I did. So, how did you come to learn about Cabaret Fantome? Phoebe: Word gets out. Drake: Hard to keep a place like this hidden forever. Count Roget: Do you like the cigar? Drake: Quite. Count Roget: They're hand rolled in Havana, and shipped to my dealer Philippe, special. He's right across the street actually. Would you like to take in the night air, pay him a visit? He loves new customers. Phoebe: Sure. Care to join us? Count Roget: Sadly, I am unable to leave the club. Drake: And why is that? Count Roget: Because as they say... the show must go on, right? Piano Player: Ladies and gentleman, please welcome your host, Count Roget. (Count Roget stands up.) Count Roget: Feel free to enjoy the show from here. It's a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Phoebe: We're dying to see it. (Count Roget walks up on stage. Everyone applauds. Suddenly, a glass window shatters and you can see a fire on the other side. Everyone screams and runs for it. The clock says 12:00.) Right on time. (Another window shatters near the fortune teller. Everyone screams.) Drake: Could have waited till after the show. Come on, we gotta get to the spot. (Everyone tries to escape and the doors slam shut. The place is going up in flames. Chandeliers fall.) Maria: George! (Phoebe and Drake head for the stairs.) Phoebe: We have to help her. Maria: George, where are you! Drake: We can't. We stay, we burn. Don't worry, she'll be back tomorrow. [Scene: Bay General Hospital. Room. Mike is struggling to get free from his bed. A nurse is trying to control him.] Mike: The fire! (Darryl runs in.) Darryl: What's wrong? What's going on? Go, go get some help! Nurse: Right away. (The nurse runs outside. Mike glows and calms down.) [Cut to the Cabaret Fantome. Phoebe and Drake are at the top of the stairs. George suddenly appears in the room.] George: Marie! (Marie runs over to him. They hug.) Just hold on. (Count Roget sits down at a table. He sees Phoebe and Drake vanish.) [Cut to the Manor. Conservatory. Piper and Paige are there. Leo walks in.] Leo: There's nothing in the Book that tells us how to get them back. So... Since I can't talk to the Elders... (Phoebe and Drake suddenly wake up.) Paige: Phoebe? Piper: Are you all right? Phoebe: I don't know. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Continued from before.] Phoebe: And that's when the good souls tried to escape, but couldn't. Piper: Couldn't? Drake: Yeah, all the exits were magically sealed. (Drake stands up.) I got dead leg. I'll be down here. Sorry. (He sits back down.) Leo: At least nobody knows they're gonna re-live it. Phoebe: The Count definitely knew. He just stood there watching everybody burn. Paige: You think he's a demon? Phoebe: No, if he was, he wouldn't be reliving it. Drake: No, but maybe he made a deal with a demon. If he's the one bad soul trying to hold everyone back, he'd do anything to keep from moving on. Piper: Doesn't seem like much of a deal, though. He's stuck as well. Drake: Yeah, but anything's better than purgatory. Trust me, it's... Besides, he's probably trying to buy time. Find another way out. Phoebe: Okay, so how do we help George and the other souls move on? Leo: First you've gotta find a way to separate their souls from the Count's. Phoebe: Yeah, but how? Piper: Find the demon who he made the deal with and get him to break it. Paige: Think that demon's around? Piper: Well, this one is. Drake: Yeah, but not for long. Besides, that's not really the point. I mean, enough about me. What do you think of me? Piper: Let's go check the Book. Andiamo. Drake: Ciao, ciao. (Piper and Leo leave the room.) Phoebe: Maybe we should go talk to George and see if he remembers what the demon looks like. Paige: Hello. Hello. Magazine. Interview. Cosmo. Canceling twice. Phoebe: Well, I think this is a little bit more important than Cosmo, don't you? Drake: Paige, there is a lot more to life than work. There's adventure. Paige: Really? I wouldn't know. Phoebe: Hey, I have an idea. Why don't you do it? Paige: What? Phoebe: Be me. You can glamour. You've done it before. Paige, it'll give you a little taste of life outside Magic School. And besides, if anyone knows me as well as I know me, it's you. Just fake it. Paige: Why don't I just go talk to George? Drake: Because if we have to go back at the Cabaret afterwards, the Count is expecting Phoebe. Feathers and all. Paige: Feathers? Phoebe: Don't ask. [Scene: Bay General Hospital. Hallway. Phoebe, Drake and Darryl are there.] Darryl: The doctors are saying that he's schizophrenic or something. First he's George, then he's back to being Mike again. Now he's George. Phoebe: That must be who we saw get back into the club before we left. Drake: Perhaps the fire starting is what pulled George back in the time warp. Phoebe: He knows what's really going on. Drake: And can only escape long enough to cry for help. Darryl: What are you two talking about? Phoebe: The fire that your friend's screaming about, Darryl, is real. Very real. Drake: That's how poor George died. Phoebe: And the only way he knows how to cry out for help is to possess your friend. Darryl: But why? Why Mike? Drake: Proximity. (They hear Mike screaming from the room.) Phoebe: You ready? Drake: No. Phoebe: Let's go. Drake: Okay. (They walk into the room.) Mike: I gotta get out of the fire! It's coming back! I need somebody to believe me! Phoebe: We believe you, George. Mike: George? Then you do believe me? Phoebe: Yes. Drake: We also saw Marie just as we left. Mike: You can go in and out without getting burned? How? Drake: Well, you kind of have to die first. Phoebe: We can go back in to free you and everybody else, but we're gonna need your help. Mike: Anything. Anything. Phoebe: What can you tell us about the Count? Mike: He's the one who did this. He cursed everybody to save himself. Phoebe: Yeah, we know. Drake: Maybe he was talking to someone else, maybe there's... Phoebe: Did you see him talk to anybody else, anyone unusual that night? Mike: Yes, yes! Every night before the show he sits with this frightening-looking man at the centre table. And then the Count, he signs something. Drake: That could be the deal. Phoebe: They might still be there. Drake: This may be a silly question. Is there anything we can do to make you more comfortable? Mike: Save Marie. [Scene: Manor. Attic. Leo is there writing in the Book of Shadows. Piper walks in.] Piper: Kids are down for the count. No pun intended. What are you doing? Leo: Me? Nothing. Piper: Yes, you are. You're writing in the Book? (Piper looks at the Book.) Leo: No, I was just looking for demons. Piper: "Tips for future Whitelighters." What? Leo: It's just something I was working on for the kids. You know... Piper: No, I don't know. Why can't you just tell them this yourself when they're ready? Leo: Because I might not be around. Piper: Come on. Leo: Look, Piper, I know you want to ignore everything going on with the Elders, but I can't. We don't know what they're gonna do to me or when. Piper: They can't just yank you out of our lives, Leo. Leo: How do you know that? Piper: Because they can't. And if they did, I'd quit. We'd all quit. Is that why you didn't want to go around the world in 80 orbs? Leo: Yeah, I just wanted to finish it. Just in case. Piper: Okay. Did you even look for demons? Leo: Yeah, I found this one. Sargon. Traders of souls, preys on the afterlife. Piper: Well, it certainly looks like our guy except... we vanquished him already. [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Hallway. Paige walks in.] Paige: I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. (She sees a poster on the wall of Phoebe.) You owe me. (Paige glamours into Phoebe.) Paige/Phoebe: Hello, sis. (Paige/Phoebe walks into the office. Elise, the photographer and the interviewer are there. Elise rushes up to her.) Elise: Phoebe, there you are. You look great. You feeling better? You are so late. Paige/Phoebe: I know. Maybe we should just reschedule. Elise: Not a chance. Come meet everybody. Cameron: Hi, I'm Cameron. Paige/Phoebe: Hi, it's nice to meet you. So, you're the photographer? Cameron: Uh, I'm interviewing you. We spoke on the phone? Twice? Paige/Phoebe: That's right. I'm sorry. I got confused. I thought you said, "I'm the camera man." Get it? Cameron: Okay, so I'm gonna ask you questions while they shoot. Is that all right with you? (She stands Phoebe in front of a background.) Paige/Phoebe: Sure. Cameron: Okay, great. Paige/Phoebe: Shoot away. (The photographer takes a photo. The flash hurts her eyes.) Cameron: Are you all right? Paige/Phoebe: Yeah. Yeah, it's just new contacts. Cameron: So why don't we start with what inspired you to become an advice columnist? Paige/Phoebe: That's a really good question. Well, I guess growing up as an only child... Cameron: I'm sorry, only child? Paige/Phoebe: I meant Paige grew up as an only child. I mean, that's how she grew up until she met her sisters, you know, us, me. And that had absolutely nothing to do with why Phoebe became an advice columnist. (Elise laughs.) Elise: She talks about herself in the third person. Paige/Phoebe: Yeah, what I meant to say was that Paige had a lot to do with my decision. Well, she opened up a whole new world for me, and made me see how much I really have to offer. And I can honestly say, that I would not be standing here today if it wasn't for Paige. Cameron: Oh, great. (Paige/Phoebe poses for the camera.) [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Leo are there. Phoebe and Drake walk in.] Phoebe: Hi, okay. According to Mike... Drake: George. Phoebe: Whatever. There was in fact a demon in the club that night who... Piper: We vanquished, five years ago. Phoebe: What? Are you serious? Piper: 'Fraid so. Leo: And according to the Book, there aren't other demons who could've made the deal either. Phoebe: Well, how do we get them to unmake it? Drake: We go back. Piper: No! What? No. Phoebe: No, I think he's right. It's the only way we're gonna be able to find the demon. Piper: But you said yourself you barely made it out alive last time. Besides, you don't even know what he looks like. Phoebe: Well, George told us where to find him. Drake: It's simple. We go back. I talk to him demon to demon, talon to talon, claw to claw. Make him unmake the deal. Phoebe: Hopefully, the souls'll be released. Drake: Yeah. Phoebe: Okay. Let's do it. (Phoebe and Drake sit on a couch.) This time no messing around, okay? We get in, we find him, we get out. Drake: Might wanna stay for the show. Piper: Wait. What are we supposed to do? Phoebe: What you always do. Worry. [Scene: Cabaret Fantome. Phoebe and Drake appear at the top of the stairs.] Phoebe: We're late. Drake: No, we're not. Let's go. (They run down the stairs.) Phoebe: There's nobody at that centre table. (Count Roget walks up to them.) Count Roget: Your demon is long gone. In fact, he left 106 years ago. Right after we made the deal. Long before the fire. You know... (in Mike's voice) The fire! It's coming back! You gotta believe me! (Phoebe and Drake see George and Marie sitting at a table near by. Toulouse has a gun pointed at them.) Please, you gotta help me and Marie! Or something like that? Phoebe: Oh my god, that was you in Mike's body. You tricked us! Drake: Slow down. Piano Player: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your host, Count Roget. Count Roget: I regret to inform you that tonight's fan dance is going to be cancelled. (He points a gun at Phoebe and Drake. All the windows shatter. Everyone screams.) Phoebe: You really think that gun's gonna do anything? Count Roget: Indeed. If you can burn, you can bleed. (He shoots Drake in the chest. He falls backwards.) You really shouldn't bother. Both of you will die soon enough. Since your friend George has found a temporary way out, I now have found my permanent way out. (Count Roget walks to the top of the stairs and disappears.) [Cut to the manor. Attic. Piper is pacing.] Leo: You know, they haven't been gone that long, relax. Piper: Oh, no. I can't relax. I worry, remember? (Drake wakes up.) Drake, what happened? Why isn't Phoebe waking up? Drake, did you hear me? What the hell is wrong with Phoebe? Drake: I suppose she didn't make it. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Continued from before. Count Roget/Drake is looking at himself in the mirror.] Piper: What do you mean she didn't make it? How is that possible? Count Roget/Drake: I don't know. (He hits the mirror and it spins.) Clumsy... (He hits the mirror again and it hits him in the head.) Piper: What's the matter with you? Count Roget/Drake: Nothing. Actually, I'm splendid. I mean... swell. Leo: Look, you have to go back and get her before the fire starts. Count Roget/Drake: It's already begun. Piper: Well, then you need to go get her. Go! Count Roget/Drake: No. What do you mean, go back there? Forget it. Leo: Why not? (Count Roget/Drake looks out the window.) Count Roget/Drake: Perhaps if I go... outside... Have a smoke, you know, like... Consider the possibility of going back. I gotta go. Excuse me. Piper: Who are you? Count Roget! (Piper tries to blow him up.) Count Roget/Drake: Oh, not bad. I guess I did choose the right body. (Leo puts up his hands. Piper stops him.) Piper: No, don't. You're in enough trouble already with... (Count Roget/Drake shimmers out.) The Elders. [Cut to Cabaret Fantome. The place is on fire. Everyone is screaming and trying to escape. Phoebe is kneeling beside Drake.] Drake: Go. I'm gonna die anyway. Get out of here. Phoebe: Not like this. If George can get out, we can too. We just have to think about this. We have to think about it. Drake: Fortune teller. Phoebe: Okay. (They go over to the fortune teller's table. They look in a book.) Perfect. Perfect escape from the ordinary. Five card spread. (She places tarot cards on the table.) Drake: Listen, odds are the Count's possessed my body. Until he's evicted, I got nowhere to go. Only you can get out into your body. Even though I'm into your body, I still can't get out. Phoebe: I'll come back for you. Drake: If he puts up a fight, you just vanquish my sorry ass. I don't care. But only as a last resort. Phoebe: Okay. Vita Brevis Abraxis. (Phoebe disappears in a cloud of smoke. Drake coughs.) Drake: Can I get a water? [Cut to the manor. Attic. Piper and Leo are there. Piper picks up a vial.] Piper: This should dispossess him, if we can find him. Leo: He's off the radar. There's nothing in the Book to help locate him. Piper: You were onto something a minute ago. (Phoebe wakes up and gasps.) Phoebe? Phoebe: Where's the Count? Piper: Wait a minute. What's my middle name? Phoebe: Uh, Surly? Piper: Ha. That's my girl. Phoebe: Whatever, where's Drake's body? Piper: We don't know. Leo: We can't scry for him. But we're thinking maybe he's in a pub, or a restaurant. Phoebe: Or a tobacco shop. I think I know where to find him. [Scene: Street. Count Roget/Drake is running from a couple walking their dog. He steps onto the road and a motorbike rides past him.] Count Roget/Drake: Whoa! What kind of terrible world is this? (Piper, Phoebe and Leo walk around the corner.) Piper: One you'll be leaving soon. Count Roget/Drake: No. They'll take me away! Phoebe: Go to hell! (Phoebe throws a vial at his feet. Drake's body falls to the ground leaving Count Roget's soul standing there. Black shadows surround him and he screams. They suck him into the ground. Piper, Phoebe and Leo watch as the souls from the Cabaret Fantome are freed and rise into the sky.) [Cut to Bay General Hospital. Room. Mike looks over at Darryl.] Mike: Darryl? Darryl: Mike. Is that you? Mike: Of course it's me. (He notices that he's strapped to the bed.) What's... what's going on here? (Darryl laughs.) Darryl: You wouldn't believe me if I told you. [Cut to the street. Drake wakes up. Phoebe tries to help him up.] Phoebe: Welcome back. Drake: Thank you. (Drake pulls Phoebe onto his lap. Phoebe giggles.) Thank you for bringing me back. This boy was getting hot. Phoebe: I'll bet. [Scene: P3. Piper and Leo are sitting at a table. Leo is reading out of a book trying to speak Italian.] Piper: Leonardo, it's bene. Leo: The vacation was a great idea. Piper: Just not great timing. Leo: Yeah, well, life is short, bella. Piper: Are you quoting Drake now? Leo: He's got a point. Thanks for trying to distract me from the Elders. Piper: I just wished it would've worked out the way I planned. Leo: Could be worse. Piper: I think from now on I'm gonna stop trying to control every little moment. The best ones kinda sneak up on you anyway. (They smile at each other and clink their wine glasses.) [Cut to another table. Phoebe is sitting there. Paige walks up to her.] Paige: Excuse me, have you seen Phoebe? Phoebe: Very funny. (Paige sits down.) Paige: Wow, I haven't seen you this relaxed in quite a long time. After having been you, I kinda see why. Phoebe: Well, I'm trying to take a step back and enjoy every moment. Hey, thank you. You did a great job. Nobody ever knew. Paige: Well, you're welcome. I think after reading the article, you'll find that your little sister got praised quite a bit. Phoebe: Deservedly so. Paige: I actually think I got more out of it than you did. I kinda miss being out there in the real world, you know. Phoebe: Maybe you should do something about that. Paige: Maybe I will. Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, P3 is proud to present a one night only show by... (Piper and Leo sit at their table.) Leo: What's going on? Announcer: Drake Demond. (Everyone applauds.) Phoebe: Oh my god. Piper: This is what happens when you have one week to live? Paige: What is he up to? Phoebe: Just be grateful it's not a fan dance. (Music starts playing. A spotlight shines down on Drake on stage. He sings "Everything's Kind Of Good". When he's finished the spotlight turns off and everyone applauds.)

When Darryl fears his friend Mike is possessed, Phoebe, Paige and Drake discover that Mike had been working close to a site where a cabaret was destroyed in a fire in 1899, killing hundreds of people. The spirit of one of the victims is using Mike to plead for help on behalf of all the Lost Souls who are trapped in the cabaret, forced to relive that night for eternity. Phoebe and Paige use a spell to enter the cabaret where they learn that the Count who runs it made a pact with a demon named Sargon to cause this. The sisters learn they vanquished him five years before so they can't force him to undo it and the Count possesses Drake's body and leaves Phoebe and Drake to die in the cabaret. Phoebe manages to escape and the sisters cast the Count from Drake's body and he is dragged to hell. Drake returns to his own body and getting rid of the Count's spirit frees the other Lost Souls and they finally move on.

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Act 1 Scene 1 - KACL [Fade in. Frasier is on the air.] Frasier: Gosh, it's been such fun talking about psycho-pharmacological solutions to maladaptive personality traits that I can't believe the three hours is almost gone. Up next is the news followed by... [Roz raps on the window and holds up a note that reads 'BIKE-A-THON".] Frasier: Oh, but Roz is reminding me that next Saturday is the first annual KACL AIDS Bike-A-Thon. It's bound to be an afternoon of family, fun, and lots of surprises, so dust off your velocipedes and I'll see you there. [He disconnects and stands up as Kenny comes in.] Kenny: Great pitch, Doc. So, uh, what are the surprises? Frasier: Well, first and foremost: I am not going. Roz: But you just told them you'd see them there. Frasier: Yes, Roz, I'm merely getting the rubes into the tent. I will gladly give my money, but spending the afternoon riding bicycles with a bunch of hooligans is not my idea of fun. Kenny: It's just kids and families. Frasier: Yes, well so was the KACL family picnic at the zoo, until those urchins jostled me into the orangutan grove. Let me tell you: orangutans are not the playful gentlemen of the trees the nature shows claim. [Julia walks in.] Julia: Hello. Kenny: Hey, Julia. Frasier: Julia. Kenny: You're goin' to the Bike-A-Thon, right? Roz: Oh, don't embarrass her, Kenny. I mean, it's gotta be tough, finding a comfortable bike seat when you're such a tight-ass. Julia: This from a woman who "peddles" her ass all over town. [Roz starts for her.] Roz: Okay, lady... [Frasier grabs Roz and pulls her back.] Frasier: All right, stalemate. Well done, well done. Keep moving, come on. [He ushers her back to her booth.] Kenny: So, Bike-A-Thon, you're in, right? Julia: Nah, I can't be bothered, I'll just send a check. Kenny: Oh, cheese and rice, what's wrong with you people? Julia: Relax, Kenny, I'm just pulling your leg. How can I not go? This is funding AIDS research, for God's sake. I know you think I'm heartless and self centered, but at least give me credit for being human. Kenny: Well, Frasier's not goin'. [Frasier lets out a forced, fake laugh.] Frasier: What? Kenny, come on! I was pulling your leg too! I tell you what, we should have a fund raiser for your sense of humor. All right, I'll see you there. [He claps Kenny on the back, then crosses through Roz's side of the booth.] Roz: You're pathetic. Frasier: I know. [He exits. Fade out.] Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment Building [Fade in. Martin is hurrying to catch the elevator.] Martin: Hold it! [He hurries and presses the button so the doors open again. He steps inside, then notices the other person. It is Cora Winston, the mother of Frasier's upstairs neighbor, last seen in [9.24] "The Love You Fake." Martin: Cora. Hi. Cora: Marty. [The doors close and the elevator starts up. Martin looks nervous, Cora looks firmly ahead.] Martin: Visiting your son? Cora: Yes. Martin: Cora, I'm sorry, but I gotta ask you. What happened? I thought we had a pretty nice thing, but then you stopped returning my calls. Cora: Why don't you ask your other girlfriend? Martin: What other girlfriend? Cora: That bizarre English lady who told me to leave you alone. Because she was in the British Secret Service and had a license to kill. [The doors open.] Cora: Here's your stop. Martin: Oh, geez, that was Daphne's mother. She had a thing for me, but it was never mutual. [The doors close and the elevator continues.] Martin: Did she show you a badge? Always ask to see a badge. Cora: I knew she wasn't a secret agent. But she was pretty convincing about the two of you. Martin: Oh, Cora, I'm so sorry. It's not true. [The doors open again and they step out into the foyer on Cam's floor.] Cora: I'm sorry too. I should have asked about her. Martin: Well, hey, it's cleared up now. Maybe we could pick up where we left off. Or skip ahead, your choice. Cora: That would've been nice, but I've been seeing someone lately. Martin: Oh, sure, of course you have. Stupid of me. Cora: But I'm very glad to see you again. Please give Eddie my love. Martin: Oh, yeah. He'll be sorry he missed you. He liked your ankles. [She goes into Cam's apartment. When the door closes, Martin smacks his cane against the floor in frustration, then turns and mashes the button for the elevator, furious. Fade out.] Scene 3 - Frasier's Apartment [Fade in. Gertrude and Daphne are on the couch. Niles is leaning against the table behind it. Frasier hurries in.] Frasier: Oh, sorry for the hold up, guys. Ah, listen, I think it's best if we take separate cars to the flower show. See, later I have to go buy a bicycle. [Daphne gets up and heads to the kitchen.] Niles: For whom? Frasier: Well, for me. I've been dragooned into riding for the KACL AIDS Bike-A-Thon. Niles: Poor devil, spending the day on a bike. I don't envy you. [He starts seriously, but a malicious grin breaks through. Daphne sticks her head out of the kitchen.] Daphne: Niles, why don't we enter the Bike-A-Thon? [She ducks back into the kitchen, leaving Niles stunned and nervous. He looks to Frasier, who is grinning.] Frasier: You had to see that coming. [Daphne comes out of the kitchen.] Daphne: We can all go to the shop together, after the flower show. Niles: Sure, why not. Gertrude: Oh, you two would look so cute on matching bicycles. Niles: I guess it would be a kick, eh Frasier? Gertrude: Not you two, ya nit! You and Daphne. [Martin comes in, slams the door and points at Gertrude.] Martin: You! Gertrude: Hello. Martin: I just had a very interesting discussion with Cora Winston. Seems someone claiming to be my girlfriend scared her off. Gertrude: Oh dear. Is she the woman from the bookstore? Martin: No. The bookstore?! Daphne: Mum, is this true? Gertrude: Well, I'm sure I don't know what Marty's talking about, but it was probably back when we were an item. Martin: We were NEVER an item! Now I would like for you to leave. Frasier: Now Dad, calm down. I'm sure you can talk this over with Cora and have a good laugh afterwards. Martin: Ha ha! Very funny. Now that she's practically married to this guy. Gertrude: [rising] Oh, Martin, I'm sorry. I guess didn't realize... Martin: Apology not accepted. You went too far, we are no longer speaking. Gertrude: Marty... Niles: No, no, Mrs. Moon. Mrs. Moon...shut up. [He ushers her out the door.] Frasier: Uh, Dad, we're leaving now. We're going over to the flower show and after that we're going to a sporting goods store to buy a couple of bikes. Martin: Nice try, Fras, but I'm too mad to laugh. [Frasier, nonplussed, just closes the door behind him. Fade out.] Scene 4 - The Sporting Goods Store [Fade in. Frasier and Niles are with a salesman, looking over a selection of bikes.] Niles: This one has good lines. You have any without this bar here? Salesman: You mean girl's bikes. Sure. Niles: Good. 'Cause my wife's a girl and she'll need one of those. Salesman: Nice. Maybe I'll go see how she's doing. [He walks off. Niles covers his face.] Frasier: Niles, we can't stall much longer. I mean, one seems as good as the next, is there anything else we need? Niles: Hmm, let me see. Oh, yes, I know. We need to know HOW TO RIDE THEM! Frasier: Shh! We will learn. Niles: Oh, as easy as that? Look at these machines, Frasier. These are BICYCLES! There is nothing between you and the ground but the ground itself. Frasier: Yes! And if a child of FOUR can ride one, then so can we. Niles: That's what we said when we were six! If Daphne finds out, she'll probably... [He breaks off as a man in biking gear comes over to look at the bikes they're standing at.] Frasier: Metal spokes. I like that. Niles: I should buy the horn separately. Frasier: Uh-huh. [The man walks away.] Niles: That was close. Frasier: Niles, I am not going to look like an idiot at that Bike-A-Thon. Tonight, I am going to a parking lot and come hell or high water, I am going to master cycling. You're welcome to join me. Niles: I guess I could sneak out. Perhaps it's time to slay the dragon. Frasier: That's the stuff, brother. [The customer comes over by them again.] Niles: Call me crazy, but I like a bouncy tire. Frasier: Two bouncy tires and a...taut chain. That's good ridin'. [They smile bravely until the customer heads off again.] Niles: Where did you learn all that? That was really good. Frasier: Just a matter of confidence, Niles. [SMASH CUT TO - Frasier's apartment, later that night. Frasier comes in the front, struggling with his new bike and muttering. Niles is behind him.] Niles: All a matter of confidence, he says. [Frasier turns the lights on to reveal that they are covered with scratches and bruises.] Frasier: Yes, well perhaps two people who don't know how to ride bikes shouldn't try to teach each other. Niles: A good teacher doesn't yell at his student. Frasier: Nor does a good teacher throw a stick at his student! [Niles clutches his knee.] Niles: I thought it would make you try harder. Frasier: Oh, you're going to make a hell of a dad! Niles: Oh, what are we going to do? Frasier: Let's not panic. We still have two days before the Bike-A-Thon. Surely the library has shelves devoted to this topic. Niles: I don't have time for that! Daphne wants to go biking tomorrow afternoon. Frasier: Well, then you're just going to have to tell her that you don't know how to ride. Niles: I can't! It's too late! If I was going to do that, I should have done it at the bike store. But NOOO! You, YOU said we could teach ourselves! You said no one would be the wiser! [As he continues to shout, Frasier makes calming gestures.] Frasier: Niles... Niles: "Two bouncy tires and a taut chain" you said! Frasier: Niles... Niles: And now look! My spokes are bent, my pants are stuck, and there's blood on the headlight, and blood everywhere... [He breaks down as Frasier tries to comfort him.] Frasier: Niles, that wasn't your fault. That jogger should have been wearing a reflective vest. Come on. Come and sit down. I'm going to get you a nice sherry. [He heads for the sherry. Niles tries to move, but his pants are still stuck in the chain so he carries the bike with him. Fade out.] Act 2 Scene 1 - Cafe Nervosa [Fade in. Niles is sitting at a table, Frasier is getting coffee at the counter. Roz comes up behind him.] Roz: Hi, Frasier. Frasier: Oh, hi Roz. You're welcome to join me and Niles. Roz: Oh, I can't. I'm on my way to meet Alice and her sitter. Alice wants to practice riding her bicycle for Saturday. Frasier: Really? Roz: Mm-hm, she loves it. I mean, she had that bike one day before she made me take her training wheels off. Frasier: Tell me, does she ever find that she feels as though her feet are frozen to the pedals? Stuck in a confused, arrhythmic battle between forward and reverse, until finally, with no locomotive momentum whatsoever, she keels over like a felled tree? Roz: I don't think so. Frasier: Well good, good. Because... that's a real thing that happens to some kids. [He sits down with Niles as Roz steps to the counter. Daphne and Gertrude come in.] Daphne: Hey, Frasier. Frasier: Oh, hello Daphne, Mrs. Moon. [They all say hello to each other as the ladies sit.] Daphne: I'm afraid I have some bad news. Niles: What is it? Daphne: Someone stole our new bikes. Niles: My God, are you sure? [to waiter] Can I get a refill? That's terrible. Frasier: You know, that's curious. Niles, didn't that salesman say nothing could break those titanium locks? Niles: You're right. I must not have locked them properly. Foolish Niles. Gertrude: You know, I spotted a couple of bikes in the storage room, behind the furnace. Perhaps you could borrow those. Niles: No, I don't think so. The theft has soured me on the whole bike experience and what were you doing behind the furnace anyway? Gertrude: Drinking. [Martin walks up to the table.] Martin: Hello Daphne, Niles, Frasier. Gertrude: Hello, Martin. Martin: How are the three of you doin'? Mind if I join you? Niles: Sure. [Martin pulls another chair up to the table.] Gertrude: Oh, you're not still angry at me, are you? Martin: Coffee please. [Roz stops on her way out.] Roz: Hi. Niles: Hey, Roz. Roz: Wow, everybody's here today. Martin: Yeah, grab a seat, I'd love to have a lady sit next to me. [Gertrude looks very put out.] Roz: Thanks, I can't. I'm on my way to the park. I just got a call from the babysitter. Alice did a wheelie! [The others all sound happy at this.] Roz: Well, I'll see you guys later. Frasier: That's great, Roz. Bye-bye. [She leaves.] Frasier: Well, someone's raising a real little showoff. Martin: Now, now, not everyone was meant to ride a bike. Daphne: What does that mean? Martin: Well, I'm just saying my boys are good at other things. Indoor things. [Daphne casts a suspicious look at Frasier.] Daphne: Oh, no. You don't mean... Niles: Yes, Daphne. Frasier doesn't know how to ride a bike. Frasier: Well, neither do you! Niles: Frasier! Frasier: Well, she was bound to find out! [to Daphne] We never learned. Martin: I tried teachin' 'em, but I had to take them to the hospital so many times, social services started sniffin' around. Niles: All these years, it's been our secret shame. Frasier: Yes, and it hasn't been easy concealing it, either. People are always saying in conversation "It's just like riding a bike." I can smile, and nod. But I only understand it in theory. Niles: We tried to teach ourselves last night. Frasier: Oh, can you imagine a sadder tableaux: two grown men trying to gain mastery over a child's toy and failing miserably. Niles: Even more pathetic: a grown man faking the theft of his and his wife's bicycles. I disgust myself. I'm so sorry, Daphne. Daphne: Niles, you've no need to apologize. Lots of people don't know how to ride. Niles: Really? Gertrude: No. Daphne: It doesn't matter. I can take you to the park and teach you. I'll teach you both. Frasier: Really, Daphne? Daphne: Yes. Niles: Daphne, I adore you. [He kisses her.] Gertrude: No, seriously. Who? Frasier: Thank you, Daphne. Niles: You know, I'm afraid my bike may be too damaged to ride. Daphne: So we'll borrow one from someone in the building. I promise you, you two are going to learn how to ride bikes. Martin: You're a good wife, Daphne. And I'll bet you were a good daughter when your mother was alive. [Gertrude crosses her arms and glares at him while everyone else tries to not be involved. Fade out.] Scene 2 - The Park [SCENE_BREAK] CYCOLOGY [Fade in. Frasier is there with his bike, Niles is on a grade-school bike with high handlebars and a banana seat. Daphne is standing just off the path.] Frasier: Helmet. Niles: Check. Frasier: Pads. Niles: Check. Frasier: Cup. [Frasier adjusts his athletic supporter, but Niles touches the sport bottle on the handlebars.] Niles: Check. Daphne: All right. Now remember: keep your eyes open and pedal quickly. I just want to get an idea of your individual skill levels. All right, everyone ready? And...go! [The boys lift their feet up to the pedals, but don't push off or pedal. They twitch for an instant, then fall against each other, propped up. Being on the shorter bike, Niles is about elbow high with Frasier.] Daphne: Okay, good start. Now, let's try again, but this time further apart. [Frasier pulls his bike away from Niles'.] Frasier: Okay. I think this is going to be all right. Niles: Yes, this isn't so bad. Daphne: All right. And...go! [The boys bring their feet up, then put them right back down for balance. After a couple of false starts, they start moving forward, terrified looks on their faces. Daphne watches them, smiling.] Daphne: Yes, very good. [Her expression quickly becomes worried as there are sounds of crashing and pain. She starts forward, darting from side to side, unsure which of them needs help more. Music from "The Barber of Seville" begins playing as we see a montage of Niles and Frasier trying desperately.] [N.B. This theme was also used in the 1979 Oscar-winning film "Breaking Away" about an American small-town teenager who becomes so obsessed with a team of Italian bike race champions that he creates an Italian persona for himself, including listening to Rossini's operas.] [Frasier seems to be getting along, until he sees a tree. Focusing on it with a horrified look, he crashes into it and falls down. Daphne is running alongside Niles on his small bike. They pass behind a hedge and only Daphne and the bike emerge. Daphne stops and looks around for her husband. Frasier again crashes into the tree and falls over. Niles is exhausted and reaches for the sports bottle. However, he is unable to get it loose. Later, he unwraps a power bar to eat. But he pulls the wrapper all the way down and his snack falls to the ground while Frasier watches. He opens the spout on the sports bottle and picks the bike upright so he can drink from it. Niles and Daphne are at the "killer tree", urging Frasier to the side. He makes the turn and avoids the tree, looking happy. Niles and Daphne cheer him on, then watch him circle around until they have to quickly move aside before Frasier once more strikes the tree head on and ends up on the ground. Daphne again runs alongside Niles. They disappear behind the hedge, the music reaches its finale... and this time Niles emerges alone on the bike, smiling triumphantly. Daphne jumps up and down and claps her hands, proud and happy. The music ends. Now that Niles has learned, they focus on Frasier.] Frasier: It's that damned sycamore! It's got a magnetic hold on me. Daphne: That's because you keep focusing on it. Whatever you do, put it out of your mind. The more you think about it, the worse it gets. Niles: You're a cloud, scudding across a clear blue sky. Frasier: I'm a cloud. [He takes off again.] Niles: You're a cloud. A cloud... [Frasier looks worried for a moment, but manages to swerve away from the tree.] Frasier: I AM a cloud! I'm flying! Look, I'm riding a bike. [He's ecstatic, but is soon passed by a young girl on a bike with training wheels, then a pregnant woman jogging, then a gray-haired man on a razor scooter. Nonetheless, he seems happy at his accomplishment. The finale of the music repeats. Fade out.] Scene 3 - Frasier's Apartment [Fade in. The doorbell rings and Martin hurries to answer as it rings again.] Martin: I heard ya. I'm comin'. [He opens the door to reveal Gertrude, holding some flowers and a sandwich.] Gertrude: Hello. [Martin slams the door in her face and starts walking away. She pounds on the door and he goes back again.] Martin: Oh, geez! [He opens the door and speaks before she can.] Martin: Look. I'm sorry. I'm still ticked. I'm not proud of it, but I have to do the right thing and that means hold this grudge. Gertrude: Ah! You're talking to me. I knew you would. [He slams the door in her face again. Cut to - the entryway as she turns around. Cora is just coming off the elevator.] Gertrude: Oh, you're here to see Marty? Cora: Actually, I think not. [She turns away.] Gertrude: Look, no. This isn't what it looks like. I'm here to apologize. But since he's not talking to me, I guess I can say me piece to you. Now, first of all, don't be scared. I'm not a secret agent and I don't have a license to kill. Back when I said all that to you, I wasn't really in me right mind, anyway. I mean, I'd just separated from me husband and...well, maybe I hoped Marty would be some kind of...knight in shining armor. But we were never a couple, though. Cora: It was a pretty rotten thing you did. Gertrude: Yes, I know, dear, just awful. In me defense, I've done much worse. And besides, between you and the girl at the bookstore, I liked you better. [Cora looks a little confused at this. Cut to - inside the apartment. Martin is relaxing in his chair when the doorbell rings. Rolling his eyes, he gets up.] Martin: Sonovabitch! [He goes to the door and opens it to reveal Cora holding the flowers and sandwich, a big smile on her face.] Martin: Cora! Hi, come on in. [She enters and hands him the things and he sets them on the table behind the couch.] Cora: Hi. I ran into a friend of yours. Martin: Oh, she's no friend of mine. Cora: Well, she had some nice things to say about you. Maybe we could talk about it at dinner tomorrow. Martin: I thought you were seeing someone. Cora: I don't see him here. Martin: I guess not. Pick you up at seven? Cora: Seven it is. So...who's this girl from the bookstore? Martin: See you tomorrow. [He ushers her out the door and shakes his fist in a victory gesture. Fade out.] Scene 4 - The Bike-A-Thon [Fade in. Lots of people are lined up under a banner marked Start and Finish. Frasier and Niles are at the front, Niles still with his borrowed bicycle.] Martin: Never thought I'd see the day. This is really somethin'. Frasier: Thanks Dad. Daphne: That's right. You faced your fears and you bested them. Niles: Yeah, thanks to you. [He gives her a kiss.] Niles: And who knows? Maybe this is just be the beginning. There are still mountains to conquer. The diving board, for instance. Frasier: Or cartwheels. Martin: Be careful out there, Son. Frasier: I will, Dad. Thanks. I guess I better go take my place, huh? Martin: Okay. [Frasier wheels his bike over to where Kenny and Julia are waiting.] Frasier: Kenny, Julia. Kenny: Hey, Doc. Julia: Hi. Frasier: So, have a good ride. Kenny: Not gonna happen. These shorts are already bunchin' me somethin' fierce. Excuse me. [He gets off his bike to get more comfortable.] Frasier: Pretty exciting. Julia: Thrilling. You don't mind if we don't ride together, do you? I like to go at my own pace. Frasier: No, not at all. You don't have to feel like you have to keep up. [She laughs at this.] Julia: Right. Well, what do you say we make it interesting? Frasier: What did you have in mind? Julia: Last one across the finish line doubles the other's pledges. Frasier: You're on. And I look forward to watching you write that big fat check. Niles: Frasier! Remember: keep your eye on the road and don't fixate on anything you can crash into. Frasier: Right! Niles: Good luck! [Frasier gives Niles a thumbs up as the starter pistol goes off. The crowd cheers as the cyclists start off.] Julia: Boy, I hope I can steer around that big mailbox right there. Ciao! [She speeds off. Frasier starts out, but, cursed by her suggestion, focuses on the mailbox and rides straight into it. As he falls to the sidewalk, Roz and Alice come riding up.] Roz: Frasier? Alice: Are you okay? Frasier: I'll be all right. Why don't you guys go ahead. I'll catch up to you. Roz: Okay. [She and Alice ride off. Frasier gets back on his bike and gets going.] Frasier: Oh, lord. Pardon me. Beep beep! Oh, gosh, no. Oh, dear God! [Frasier doesn't get very far, circling back and crashing into the mailbox once more. This time he manages to keep to his feet as the bike falls to the ground. Fade out.] [SCENE_BREAK] It is late and dark. An exhausted Frasier comes around the last corner and manages, finally, to finish the course. He throws up his hands in victory. He wheels the bike over to a trash barrel, picks it up and throws it on top, only to scurry back as it falls towards him. He finally just flees from the whole scene.

When a bike-a-thon for charity is organized by KACL, Frasier and Niles must come to terms with the fact that neither can ride a bicycle . So the job falls on Daphne to teach them. Meanwhile, Martin runs into Cora Winston again and learns that Daphne's mother is responsible for the demise of their brief relationship.

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EXT. CRU Casey : So, if the light we're seeing is millions of years old, then the stars might already be dead. Max : But it's not just the stars that are in the past. It's everything. Even you looking at me now. Casey : So, you're not you? Max : No, I'm me. But you're seeing me one billionth of a second ago. Casey : So... everything is history and relationships are just memories. Max : Except for the light. Casey : Which is in its own present, our past and someone else's future. Max : The Hawking of Hearts. Casey : You know what that means? ZBZ HOUSE - Casey & Ashleigh's room Casey just wakes up. She was dreaming... Casey : What? Why are you staring at me? Ashleigh : You were making out with your pillow. Casey : No, I wasn't! Ashleigh : Must have been an awesome dream. You were drooling. Casey : I don't drool! Much. KT HOUSE - Living room Rusty : All right. Lightning round. Loves rainy sunday mornings, is a Pisces, and can't live without cuts two, three and eight from "The Best of Sting". Ferret. Pickle : He is such a romantic. Rusty : Afraid of apricots? Ben Bennett : Wingnut! Pickle : That's Heath. Rusty : Heath is correct. Wingnut? Ben Bennett : This active recognition test is gonna be tough. I mean, likes, dislikes, embarrassing secrets... Pickle : I know more about the actives now than I ever wanted to know. Rusty : Except for this guy. Joshua Whopper. Pickle : Isn't that the guy who's always carrying a knife? Rusty : Whoever it is, we better figure it out or we're scrubbing toilets until initiation. Beaver : Empty your wallets. Ben Bennett : Why? Heath : Lunch buffet. Rusty : You're shaking us down for a strip club? Beaver : It's not just any strip club. It's Gentlemen's Choice. We need to make a Cappie trip. Rusty : Last time Cappie went to the strip club was when he was... Oh, no. Heath : No one mentions Rebecca. Rusty : Hey, Cap, so you broke up with Reb... Ben Bennett : You weren't supposed to... Cappie : What's going on? Beaver : Nothing. Why? Cappie : Beaver. I'm fine. Pickle : So, I can get my money back then? Beaver : No. Cappie : Any last minute questions on the active recognition test? ART's in two days. Rusty : I have one. I took the liberty of downloading National's list of current actives. Ben Bennett : Suck up. Rusty : There's an active on the list no one has ever seen. Or ever met. Who's Joshua Whopper? Cappie : Extra points for being industrious, Spitter, but don't worry about him. He's not on the test. Rusty : OK, yeah, but according to the rules of the Arts, each pledge must know every active. Cappie : But not Joshua. Trust me. Leave the Whopper alone. Credits ZBZ HOUSE - Dining room Ashleigh : Rebecca's been eating her feelings since 7:00 this morning. It's her second box of cereal. Casey : I wonder if she'll give away her clothes. I wouldn't mind that Marc Jacobs cocktail dress. It was already pretty tight on her. Ashleigh : She and Cappie broke up. Casey : What? Really? Ashleigh : Looking for a job is way harder than I thought. What about babysitting? Casey : And what about your irrational fear of little people? Ashleigh : Good point. Casey : You know, I'm actually thinking of hiring an astronomy tutor. Ashleigh : I could help. I love looking at the stars Casey :. That's what I thought the class was going to be about when I signed up for it. But all we're learning about is black holes, dark matter, alternative universes. Ashleigh : Why don't you drop it? Casey : I still need one science course for general ed. So, who do you think I can get to help me? Ashleigh : Ivy took it last semester. Casey : Ivy? I think we're in a fight or something. Ashleigh : What about Rusty? He's science-y. Casey : And that worked out so well the last time. Ashleigh : Oh, wait. What about Max? Casey : Max? Rusty's friend Max. Ashleigh : He must know all about astronomy. He worked for NASA or something I think. Casey : He's probably pretty busy. Ashleigh : Yeah, you're right. Casey : Still, it couldn't hurt to ask. Thanks. KT HOUSE - Hallway Ben Bennett : Joshua Whopper looks exactly like Abraham Lincoln. Rusty : You see the problem? Pickle : The 16th president of the United States was a Kappa Tau? Rusty : Guys, get the fact that Abe is about 200 years old and was not a Kappa Tau. This is a trap. We have no idea who Joshua Whopper is. Which means, when Cappie said, "Trust me," he probably meant, "Don't trust me. Which means Josh Whopper is going to be on the active recognition test. And after every one of us fails we're going to be breaking out the gas masks, Hazmat suits, and we're gonna go on porcelain patrol until initiation. We gotta find the Whopper. Ben Bennett : How do we do that? Pickle : We look for a guy with a beard and a funny hat. CRU - Max's room Max : Oh. It's you. Casey : Yes. And you're you? You're probably wondering what I'm doing here. Max : Would... Actually, I was thinking about... That's not really relevant now. So... Casey : I really need a tutor for Intro to Astronomy. And I know it's not your major specifically, but Rusty mentioned you had some connection to NASA. Which got me thinking... I really need help with the class. Max... NASA... So I'm here. Max : Maybe this isn't such a good idea. It didn't go too well with blackjack and Casino Night. Casey : Well, I'm big on second chances. Actually, I'm big on third and fourth chances, too. Max : Could you do tonight? 8:00 here? Casey : Sounds... intimate. Max : Well, it's just... where I live. CRU - Administration Pickle : Excuse me, Miss Brown? Sorry. I'm the new guy. And I don't want to be a nark or anything, but I just saw a woman from admissions throw away her recycle bin 'cause she said she hated the Earth. Woman : Was it Constance? Big redhead? Show me, please. Thank you. I can't stand her. I mean, who does that? I've talked to her before about this... While Pickle and the woman leave, Rusty and ben Bennett come... Rusty : Password protected. Ben Bennett : How long is this gonna take you to hack in? Rusty : Well, with the 256 bit encryption and double coded keys, between two hours and never. I need her password. Uh... Jordan. Sarah... Arlo... Ben Bennett : Hey, you know what I always do? I always tape my password to my top drawer. Rusty : No one does that anymore. Both : Password. Rusty : All right, we're in. Joshua Whopper. Physics 405, English Lit 320, Chemistry 401. Straight A's? Ben Bennett : Wait a second. There's a Kappa Tau that's smarter than you? Rusty : Yeah, it appears so. And he has a class tomorrow at Lasker Parks Hall. Let's go. MICHAEL'S HOME Calvin : "40 Year Old Virgin" is a masterpiece. Although "Knocked Up" runs a close second. Michael : But don't you think Judd Apatow's movies can be... a little misogynistic, kind of homophobic? Calvin : Was it the chest waxing thing? Michael : No, it was the "you know how I know you're gay" thing. It objectifies gay life. Calvin : So now you're gonna teach me about being gay? If I recall, last night I taught you a few things. Michael : A point taken. But how many other gay people do you hang out with? I mean, besides me? Calvin : Is that a trick question? Fine. None. Michael : Then you have to admit that your world view is slightly limited. Which is... why I was thinking we could go to Gentlemen's Choice. Calvin : You want to go to a strip club? Michael : No, the other Gentlemen's Choice. The hottest... Well... only gay bar in Cyprus. We'll meet up with some of my friends, we'll hang out. Calvin : Trash Judd Apatow... Michael : You've never been to a gay bar, have you? Calvin : I just don't really like tight shirts and guys in Daisy Dukes. Michael : Don't mock what you don't know. Besides, that's not Gentlemen's Choice. Come on. It wouldn't hurt you to actually hang out with other gay people every now and then. Who knows. Maybe you'll even meet a friend or two. It's time to broaden your horizons. Calvin : Spread my big gay wings? CRU - Dormtroms Max : So you break through the line and no one touches you, you keep on rolling. That's inertia. That's Newton's first law of motion. Then you power right through an undersize fullback. That's Newton's second law, force. Guy : Hell, yeah. Max : OK. Then the third law. You hit the quarterback, knock him out cold. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Guy : Hell, yeah. Casey : Max, I was hoping to understand gamma ray bursts. Max : OK, yeah. That's a rocket of electromagnetic energy created by a collapsing star. Kind of a good and bad thing if one heads our way. Casey : Bad first. Max : Well, the world would plunge into darkness, polar ice caps would melt and deep sea creatures would rule the earth. Casey : And the good? Max : Well, no more student loans. Casey : Got it. But that would never happen, right? Max : Casey. No matter how invested you are in your view of the universe, you have to be prepared for things to change. Casey : Are we talking about gamma rays or something else? Max : I don't know... Maybe neither. EXT. CRU Rusty : That's not something you see every day. Ben Bennett : What? Rusty : Cappie on campus. CRU - Class Rusty : Dr. Shapiro? Teacher : If you have any questions about today's lecture, my office hours are this afternoon from 3:00-5:00. Rusty : No, I'm fine with today's lecture. Actually, I'm not even in your class. I just had a question about one of your students. I'm looking for Joshua Whopper. Teacher : It's a lecture class. I don't know everyone individually. Rusty : Are you sure? Teacher : Well, anyone with an A in my class doesn't come to office hours. Sorry, gentlemen. Ben Bennett : Well, we're dead. Cappie's gonna ask us who Joshua Whopper is, and we got zip. Rusty : Wait. It's crazy. What if Josh... No. Cappie on campus... Ben Bennett : Why are you talking to yourself? I'm standing right here. Rusty : OK, Joshua's smart. He's secretive. He has dozens of majors. He hangs out at Lasker Parks Hall. What if Joshua Whopper is Cappie? EXT. CRU Ashleigh : Wow. That sounds great. I'm gonna be a naturalist intern. Casey : You'll have to wear hiking boots. Ashleigh : So, how was your tutoring session? Casey : I'm less confused about astronomy and more confused about Max. OK, here it goes. I kind of like him. Ashleigh : Oh, he's cute. Weird, but cute. So, how was it? Was it all gushy and romantic? Or did he get all science-y and weird? Casey : Neither. Both. I don't know. Honestly, I'm not sure what happened. Ashleigh : Wait. He's not just an Evan/Cappie in a dork suit, is he? Casey : No, that's the strange thing. He's totally unlike Evan or even Cappie. Max is so far outside my normal dating pool, I can't read him at all. It's like all the usual fraternity/sonority dating rituals have been tossed out the window. We're from different planets. Ashleigh : You need a translator. Someone who can speak both Greek and geek. KT HOUSE - Cappie's room Cappie : French maid, hers. Amazon princess, hers. Rusty : What happened with you and Rebecca? Cappie : We figured we were headed in different directions, so better to cut it off now before anyone got hurt. Devil temptress, hers. Super chick. That's mine. Where are the bracelets? Rusty : And you're OK? Cappie : You mean do I need to go and get hammered at Gentlemen's Choice, pay a bunch of naked girls to pretend they love me? No. That sounds like fun. Rusty : You're not joshing me? Cappie : Nope. I'm not joshing you. Oh, let's see. Margaret Thatcher. Mine. Rusty : Margaret Thatcher was one whopper of a prime minister? Maybe she was listening to Josh Groban, watching Judge Wapner. Cappie : I'll bite. Rusty : I know who Joshua Whopper is. Cappie : No. You don't. Rusty : Oh, yeah, I do. Dozens of majors, secretive about his name, smarter than he lets on and he was walking out of Lasker Parks Hall. I saw him. He's you. You're him. Cappie : Rusty, you don't want to go there. Rusty : Why not? I figured it out, didn't I? I know your real name. Cappie : You don't. Because if you dug a little deeper, Nancy Drew, you would have discovered that Joshua Whopper has been a student at CRU since 1984, which just so happens was a dark time for the Kappa Taus. "Thanks to the invention of the microchip, CRU was finally able to track grades by computer. And the administration began to enforce Greek minimum grade point averages. It didn't appear that the Kts would survive. The only person in the house making grades was a pledge. Lasker Parks, a computer science geek." Rusty : Lasker Parks? He invented the... Cappie : Uh, Spitter, don't interrupt. "So, Lasker enlisted his pledge class for help. They stole the password to the university mainframe and for their pledge project they created Joshua Whopper, a computer program. A safeguard to ensure that the Kts will never again fall prey to grade standards. Every semester the program chooses random large classes and enrolls Joshua Whopper and awards him an A." Rusty : So, the less attention Joshua Whopper gets, the better. Cappie : Yeah. And don't tell the pledges about him. This is something you're supposed to learn as an active. Rusty : Well, why do we even need him? It's... Cappie : Have you seen our grades? Without Josh they would have shut us down years ago. So, you understand why this has to remain a secret? Rusty : Totally. Oh. Hey, you forgot this. Cappie : Nope. That's mine. EXT. CRU Ashleigh : So, it turns out a food service coordinator is actually... Calvin : The guy who makes the French fries. Ashleigh : Exactly. Which is why I told him I'd go broke keeping my pores clean. Calvin : I'm sure they understood. Ashleigh : I know, right? Plus, if I took the job I'd have even less time to see you. Calvin : Yeah, I know. It has gotten pretty intense with Michael and me. Ashleigh : I knew you guys would hit it off. Hey, why don't we all go to Dobler's tonight? You treat this time and then I'll pay when I get a... Maybe... Maybe I could be a bouncer. Calvin : I'm actually hanging out with Michael tonight. Ashleigh : That's... good. Calvin : But you should come. Ashleigh : Really? Calvin : Yeah. I wouldn't mind the company. We're going to Gentlemen's Choice. Ashleigh : The strip club? Calvin : No, the other one. Ashleigh : Oh. Yay ! CRU - Dale & Rusty's room Dale : ... is afraid of the color green, has never eaten chicken, and likes to chase geese? Rusty : Jeremy. Dale : Dude, do you honestly want these guys to be your brothers? I don't even know how most of these kids got into CRU. And what kind of parents name their kid Ferret? Rusty : You promised not to disparage. Dale : I'm sorry. I'm just not impressed, that's all. Here's a winner. "Barks at parked cars." Rusty : That's Pillbox. Dale : Sadly correct. This guy has some promise. Smart, stable, good family life. Real name? Rusty : I don't know. I give up. Dale : Joshua Whopper. Someone knock on door... Rusty : I think we're done. Dale : Who is this guy? Is he smarter than me? Rusty opens the door... Dale : Hey, Casey. Just... helping out your little brother here. You know, 'cause I care. Casey : Rusty, can I talk to you for a sec? In private? Rusty : Sure. Dale : No, no. You guys don't have to leave. I'll just, uh, listen to my music. You know, meditate. Expand my mind. Rusty : What's up? Casey : Rusty. There's someone on the honors engineering floor who I kind of like. Rusty : Here? Casey : I kind of like... Max. Rusty : I should warn him. Casey : What do you mean? Rusty : 'Cause you date like Sherman marched, Casey. With scorched Earth and broken spirits left in your wake. Casey : OK, A: ouch, and B: all I need you to d is find out if he likes me. That's it. Rusty : That's just way too junior high dating strategy. Casey : How would you know? Rusty : OK, A: ouch. And B: because I read your diary. Casey : Fine. Please, Rusty. Please, Rusty, please! Rusty : OK. Stop, stop. All right, I'll do it. Casey : I knew I could count on you, little brother. Rusty : I'm the best. Casey : Yes, you are. Casey leaves... Dale : Max? Really? The guy's a freakin' loser. KT HOUSE - Hallway Someone ring the frontdoor bell...Cappie opens the door... Woman : Hi. I'm looking for Joshua Whopper. Cappie : Why would you... Why would you need to do that? Woman : I'm Claire Golan, Dr. Shapiro's TA, and after some students came to Dr. Shapiro looking for him she checked her midterms. His test is missing, which means Dr. Shapiro's gonna kill me. Cappie : Well, Claire, I'm sorry to hear that, but it was nice knowing you. Woman : Then she'll take it to the Gender Studies Review Board, then the Academic Review Board. Cappie : All those people will have to meet Joshua Whopper? Woman : Yes, they would. Unless I can get this all cleared up. Cappie : Today's your lucky day, because... I'm Joshua Whopper. Woman : You are? Great. Then would tonight be OK, 9:00? Cappie : Sure. For what? Woman : For the make up midterm. While the material's still fresh? Cappie : Tonight, tonight? Woman : That's so cool of you. You're a total lifesaver. Cappie : Hey, Claire, I'm taking two gender studies classes with Dr. Shapiro. Which one is this again? Woman : The Phallus. CRU - Max's room Rusty : So, you're tutoring my sister now? Max : Yeah, we only did it once. No, I mean tutoring. I'm not... I didn't... I wasn't saying that... Rusty : OK, thank you. Good to know. Dale : I've won a lot of awards too, Max. A lot bigger than the... National Science Foundation gold medal. Max : Oh, that one. I assisted Professor Lowy with his work on fuel cell technology. Dale, maybe you can answer this. Why do they always put the environmental awards on the wooden plaques? Dale : Nobody likes a show-off, Max. Rusty : But with all that studying and tutoring, I bet you don't have much time to date. Max : No. Not really. Dale : European Science Foundation Legion of Honor? Max : Ah, the Neues Schloss Hotel in Zurich is pretty cool. Rusty : It's hard to tell if they like you as much as you like them. So you test the waters... Max : Agreed. Maybe... maybe it'd be smart to... ask a family member. See if the other person's interested... Dale : For heaven's sake, will somebody just say what they really mean? Max, I demand to know your intentions. Max : Is he all right? Rusty : Apparently not. Who's that? She's pretty. Is that your sister? Max : Girlfriend. Dale : Thank you. ZBZ HOUSE - Living room Casey : I don't get it. I asked him to tutor me. Why didn't he just say he had a girlfriend? Rusty : Why would he do that? Casey : You're kidding, right? Asking him to tutor me meant I was interested in going out. If he has a girlfriend he should have said no. Rusty : What would you say if you just wanted him to help you with your class? Casey : That I wanted him to tutor me. You really didn't pay very close attention to my diary. You know what? I'm bowing out before this gets super complicated. This is what you get when you try to date amateurs. Will you make sure Max gets it? I owe him for an hour of tutoring. Rusty's cellphone rings... Rusty : Hey, Cap ! What's, uh... OK, I'll be right there. A few minutes later...In the dining room... Ashleigh : Looks like we have a 1066 here. Rebecca : Serial killer? Ashleigh : Major crime alert. I'm thinking of becoming a student security officer. Rebecca : Their uniforms are hideous. Ashleigh : OK, you know what you need? Rebecca : A bigger spoon? Ashleigh : An evening out with me and Calvin at Gentlemen's Choice. Rebecca : The strip club? Ashleigh : No. The other one. Rebecca : I'll take a pass. I'm not in the mood to hang out in a bar packed with guys. Ashleigh : But these guys are exactly what you need. Gay bars are tailor made for depressed straight girls. There's lots of great music, hot guys that don't hit on you, and all night they tell you you're fabulous. KT HOUSE - Cappie's room Rusty : All right, lightning round. Who said a male's masculinity is defined by his relationship with not only his but a woman's phallatical display? Cappie : I have no idea, but it sounds kind of he-she. Rusty : No offense, but we're screwed. This books are scary thick and I can't even wrap my head around the class description in the syllabus. "The thrust of the phallus is how perceptions of masculinity affect psycho, social and interpersonal relationships." Cappie : Rusty, don't go soft on me. Rusty : Cap, I'm beat. This class is really hard. I just can't cram it in fast enough. Cappie : All right. We need a helping hand. Reach under those books. Rusty : What are you thinking? Cappie : We get everybody in here, we bang our heads together, everyone pitches in. If Joshua Whopper's going down he's not taking the rest of us with him. Clearly we've all taken gender roles for granted. [SCENE_BREAK] KT HOUSE - Living room Beaver : I've never had such clarity before. Maybe we'd be better brothers if we treated each other as sisters. Heath : An open exchange of feelings. Beaver : Sadly, it appears our phalluses have led us astray. Cappie : I'm gonna miss you. I'm gonna miss you, too. Beaver : Now I know I have a heart... because it's breaking. Cappie : And, uh... I think I'm gonna miss you most of all, Scarecrow. Rusty : I'm going with you. Cappie : Right. Sorry. Heath : Hey, Beav, are you... Are you crying? Beaver : Yes, and I don't care. But I didn't get you anything. Ben Bennett : Later. Just take a sip. Pickle : We were thinking about going to the backyard, just blowing some stuff up. All : Yes! ZBZ HOUSE - Hallway Max : Hey, Casey? Sorry to bother you. I came to return your check. I can't cash it. Casey : I had a feeling you weren't going to make this easy. Max : No, it's not... Casey : Look. I gave you a check. It's yours. Do what you want. Consider it a lovely parting gift. Clearly, you have some issues. You need to work them out, and I wish you luck with those. Max : No, Casey, you didn't sign the bottom of it. Casey : Right. Great. So I'll just get a pen, then. Max : Casey, wait. He Kisses her... Max : Hmm...Bye... ZBZ HOUSE - Casey& Ashleigh's room Casey : And then he just left. No, fled. Fled is more the word. He does that a lot. He's so weird. I don't even know why I care. Ashleigh : Well, how was it? Casey : What? The kiss? It was... great. Really great. Which pisses me off even more. Ashleigh : Why? Casey : Because even with all those brains he's just Evan in a dork suit. He has a girlfriend, remember? Ashleigh : Well, maybe he's looking to turn his twosome into a threesome. Casey : Max? Please. He's the sweetest... least corruptible guy in the world. Ashleigh : It's always the quiet ones. Casey : Well, then I'm just gonna yell at him, Ash. Perfect. Where are you going? Ashleigh : Calvin is meeting Rebecca and I at Gentlemen's Choice. Do you want to come? You're going with Calvin to a strip club? Casey : No, the other one. GENTLEMEN'S CHOICE (The Other One) Michael : What do you think? Calvin : It's not so scary. Kind of nice. Michael : And maybe you'll find another gay guy on the planet to talk to. Calvin : Yeah. Chances of that are highly unlikely. Michael : I got it. Calvin : Heath. Heath : Hey. Calvin. Calvin : Heath, this is my boyfriend, Michael. Michael : Hi, Michael. You guys know each other? Heath : Yeah. I'm a Kappa Tau. He's an Omega Chi. We're like, locked in mortal combat. Michael : Mortal enemies. I got it. Ashleigh : Calvin ! Hey ! You want to go this way? Michael : Hey, Calvin. The plan was for you to hang out with gay guys, not straight girls. Calvin : I know, but Ashleigh called me and said Rebecca needed a pick-me-up. Bad breakup. Michael : Say no more. Me and my buddies will handle it. Calvin : So, where's Greg? Heath : I don't know. We broke up about a month ago. Calvin : You broke up with Greg. Heath : Yeah. Guy : Can't we take the night off? Michael : Duty calls. If straight guys weren't so insensitive then we wouldn't be left to pick up the pieces. But they are so this is part of the job. OK, go. Gay Guy : Oh, my God. You two look so fabulous. And crazy hot. Are you gonna dance with me or am I gonna have to call my friends over for some help? Rebecca : We'll dance. Ashleigh : See? Heath : First time here? Calvin : Yeah, first time. Heath : What do you think? Calvin : It's OK. Michael wanted me to make some new friends. Preferably ones that weren't into Judd Apatow. Heath : You know how I know you're gay? Both : You're in Gentlemen's Choice. CRU - Class Cappie : Then Lacan stated that man finds satisfaction for his demand for love in the relation with the woman. And as much as the signifier of the phallus constitutes her as giving in love, which she does not have. Rusty : Yes. What about Furhagen? Cappie : The relationship between man and woman beyond the phallus is the very same as the relationship between the subject and the real of its body. Rusty : Yes, yes. What about...? Cappie : You know, Spitter, the answer to every question is the same. The phallus half of the relationship has a tendency to screw things up. Rusty : Cap? Cappie : I couldn't step up for Rebecca. I couldn't change. She need more. She need real support and I couldn't give it to her. So... I miss her. EXT. Calhoun Hall Casey : There you are. Hey, tutor. I just have one last question. Did you think that kissing me would make me somehow want you more? Who do you think you are? Max : That's two questions. Casey : Regardless of what you might have heard, I'm no longer about crazy, dysfunctional triangles. I'm not going to be a one man girl to a guy who's a two girl man. I mean, why can't anyone just have a normal relationship? Is that so difficult? Max : No. Casey : What would your girlfriend say if she knew what you were up to? Max : She's not exactly my girlfriend anymore. Casey : If she's not exactly your girlfriend anymore, then why would you call her your girlfriend to Rusty? And why do you keep a picture of her? Did she break your heart or something? Max : Yeah. Casey : I get it. It's tough. Trust me. I am the queen of not letting go. But you've got to move on. Max : My girlfriend's dead. Casey : Good progress. I know it seems harsh, but admitting that she's dead to you is the first step to moving on. You know, I had to do the same thing with my last boyfriend. It's not like we don't all have old ghosts. Max : My girlfriend, she really is dead. We met freshman year in the dorms. And then just before junior year she discovered this tiny lump on her neck. That's when it started. Casey : I'm sorry, Max. When did she die? Max : About six months ago. Casey : You know, when I was 17, Rusty had this cat that nobody liked. Nobody except for him. She was kind of a cross between a Bengal and an actual Bengal tiger. The day I was nominated for prom queen I wanted to celebrate, so I borrowed my mom's car. And I hadn't driven much, so I was nervous. Then when I pulled out of the garage... Max : You drove over the cat. Casey : And I just compared a dead cat to your girlfriend who died of cancer. It's just I've never... known anyone who died. Except for Rusty's cat. Max : It's OK. You're not the first person who's done it. Casey : Do people talk about cats? Max : I get a lot of different reactions when I talk about her. Which is usually why I try to just avoid the subject all together. It's... It's still tough. You know? And I guess that's why I haven't really gone out with anyone since she died. Casey : Got you. Max : Casey. I don't think now is a good time. And it's not you feeling weird. It's me too. I thought I would be over her, ready to move on. But the more I'm... more I'm around you, the more I think of her. And I just... I like thinking about her. Casey : Well, maybe we should both just say good night. Good night, Max. KT HOUSE - Basement Cappie : What is Beaver's favorite color? Rusty : Chartreuse. Beaver : Reminds me of beer. Heath : Why do we call Brother Doug "Corn Nuts?" Rusty : Myrtle Beach. He went out for a salty ocean swim, laid out naked and roasted his... corn nuts. Beaver : OK, last question, Pledge Spitter. Cappie is your big brother. Tell us something about him that only you would know that you've learned in the last 24 hours. Rusty : Cappie's not Joshua Whopper. Cappie : They gout. My clean a bruder. Beaver : Turn around! EXT. CRU Michael : What do you want to do tonight? Calvin : I suppose watching Superbad would be out of the question? Michael : If you agree to go to a seminar on queer musicology. Calvin : Yeah, I guess the Apatow Dvds will stay in the closet. Michael : Then how about Gentlemen's Choice? Calvin : You know, I liked that. Michael : Yeah? I noticed. You never mentioned that you knew a Kappa Tau. Calvin : Heath? We... met during rush, you know. It's no big deal. Ashleigh comes... Ashleigh : Oh, my God. I got the job. Girl : And you can start your first exciting campus tour next week. Ashleigh : Oh, my god! I have a job! KT HOUSE - Party Rusty : Hey cap. I'm sorry for messing things up with Joshua Whopper. Cappie : It's OK. Rusty : We can always depend on you. You're the one who got the A in Shapiro's make up exam. Cappie : I got lucky. It actually turned out to be one of the best classes I've never taken. Rusty : You know, sometimes people can change. It just takes the right person. Even phalluses... can grow. Cappie : You should be ashamed of yourself, Spittles. To Joshua Whopper. Too bad Joshua couldn't make his own party. After his stellar showing of the phallus, he's back to work doing what he does best. Making our house a little bit better. Because Joshua Whopper embodies the very best of Kappa Tau. He's unselfish, dedicated and he's always willing to put his brothers first. To Joshua Whopper. CRU - Astronomy class Casey : Andromeda, Pleiades... Orion's belt, Big Dipper, and.... Max : Lyra. Ashleigh said you might be here. Casey : This is the only part of the class I enjoy. But after a while it all starts looking the same. Max : The trick to the constellations is to know the stories behind them. Lyra's my favorite. It was the musical instrument of Orpheus, the greatest musician that ever lived. Casey : I have all his CDs. Kidding. Max : Do you know the story? So, Orpheus loved one thing more than music and that was Eurydice, the most beautiful girl that ever lived. But she died. She was poisoned. And Orpheus could not live without her. So he went down to Hades to bring her back. The ruler of Hades agreed, but there was a catch. If he turned back to look at her face she'd be gone forever. Just before he got to the surface he heard this rock crash behind him, so he turned back to see if she was all right. And that was it. The gates to the underworld slammed shut she was gone forever. Casey : That's terrible. What happened to him? Max : He... He spent the rest of his life wandering the Earth alone. Casey : Do you want to take a look? Max : No. I'm not turning back. They kiss....

In the process of studying all the actives, the KT pledges come across an unfamiliar name. Upon discovering the mystery active's identity, trouble for the Kappa Tau's ensues. Casey has a crush on Max, but their budding romance hits a snag when she thinks he has a girlfriend but she is actually dead. Additionally, Michael wants Calvin to have more gay friends and Ashleigh takes Rebecca to a gay bar to get over Cappie.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_24x08

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_24x08_0

PARADISE TOWERS PART FOUR Run time: 24:21 [SCENE_BREAK] 1. EXT. PARADISE TOWERS [SCENE_BREAK] (An exterior view of the Towers, high up in the sky. The glass walls and windows of the Towers reflect the fluffy white clouds hanging in the sky.) [SCENE_BREAK] 2. INT. THE BASEMENT [SCENE_BREAK] (The Cleaner pushes the Chief Caretaker towards his "pet" represented by the neon lights through the "No Entry" door.) VOICE: You have no choice. I am Kroagnon, the Great Architect, and I will put an end to you and everyone in Paradise Towers. (The Chief is pushed forward by the Cleaner and into a machine. An opaque cylinder begins to descend on him and obscures him from view. As it does so, he lets out a loud scream. The Doctor and the Kangs come out from their hiding place and watch this happen.) BIN LINER: Ware Cleaners! THE DOCTOR: Back to the lift. (Fire Escape is hesitant, thinking she can use her weapon on a Kang, but the Doctor gestures for them to run.) FIRE ESCAPE: Wait, Doctor. THE DOCTOR: Back! (Fire Escape fires her weapon, hitting a Cleaner, but it has no effect on it. Taken off guard, another Cleaner appears. With its claw it grabs the Doctor by the throat and proceeds to strangle him.) DRINKING FOUNTAIN: Doctor! Now. (She fires her weapon and the arrow hits the Cleaner, causing a malfunction, and thus it loses its grip on the Doctor. The Doctor and the Kangs quickly run for the exit door and it closes, placing a barrier between them and the Cleaners. Back in Kroagnon's lair, the large opaque cylinder rises, revealing what used to be the Chief Caretaker. His skin now has a silvery sheen and his clothing looks clean and shiny. Kroagnon now inhabits the Chief's body. He steps out from the machinery and moves to address the Cleaners who gather around him.) KROAGNON: Attention all Robotic Cleaners. Attention all Robotic Cleaners. At last Kroagnon can leave the basement prison they trapped his bodiless brain in and return in this borrowed body to the corridors and lifts of his own creation. They buried me away because I wanted to stop them using the Towers. And now you and I will destroy them. [SCENE_BREAK] 3. INT. THE STREET [SCENE_BREAK] (The Doctor and the mixture of Kangs race down the street. The Doctor is clearly out of breath lagging behind.) THE DOCTOR: Just a moment, please stop! Please! The immediate danger's over. And I wouldn't mind getting my breath back. (The Doctor sits down on an old crate at the side of the corridor. The three Kangs - Drinking Fountain (Blue Kang Leader), Fire Escape (Red Kang Leader) and Bin Liner (Red Kang) - kneel down beside him. A fourth Red Kang stands guard at the end of the corridor.) DRINKING FOUNTAIN: The Doctor really is ice hot. THE DOCTOR: Very hot! DRINKING FOUNTAIN: Not a yawny Oldster. THE DOCTOR: Now, you understand the dangerous position we're in. We must gather all the Kangs together. FIRE ESCAPE: And is the Chief Caretaker really unalive? THE DOCTOR: As himself, yes. But you saw what happened. Up till now Kroagnon's simply been a mind without a body, as your parents must have left him. However, I fear he may have spent his time down there devising a way of performing Corpoelectroscopy - a way of transplanting his brilliant brain to some host body. BIN LINER: And what's the come out, Doctor? THE DOCTOR: Oh, I can't be certain. But Kroagnon won't want to stay locked up in his basement much longer. He's bound to show himself in one form or another. [SCENE_BREAK] 4. EXT. FLOOR 304 / THE POOL [SCENE_BREAK] (Pex is sitting at the side of the pool whilst Mel bobs around in the water, enjoying herself.) MEL: Oh, the water's really lovely. You really ought to come and join me, Pex. It'll do you the world of good. There's really nothing to be frightened of. (Mel fails to see the Yellow Robotic Crab-like Pool Cleaner as it comes up behind her. It grabs hold of her and she lets out a scream. Pex is alerted and jumps to his feet, uncertain of what to do.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5. INT. RED KANG HEADQUARTERS [SCENE_BREAK] (The hideout is bustling with activity. The Doctor rests against a large blue barrel. The Red and Blue Kangs are present.) THE DOCTOR: It's taking over the building floor by floor. (Bin Liner is on the Talky phone.) BIN LINER: Return to Red Kang Base and Ware Cleaners! Build High for Happiness. (She replaces the receiver onto it's position on the Drinking Machine.) THE DOCTOR: Is Fire Escape going to join us? (Bin Liner nods.) THE DOCTOR: Are all the Kangs here? Red? Blue? DRINKING FOUNTAIN: Yes. Except for those... THE DOCTOR: Those who've been made unalive. Yes. Well, when Fire Escape gets here we must all make for the Great Pool in the Sky. [SCENE_BREAK] 6. EXT. FLOOR 304 / THE POOL [SCENE_BREAK] (The Yellow Pool Cleaner is attempting to drag Mel under the water. Her head goes under a few times but she struggles to remain above the surface of the water. Pex runs around the side of the pool in a state of confusion and panic.) MEL: Pex, do something! PEX: But what should I do? MEL: Anything! (The Cleaner bobs up and down in the water threatening Mel with its claws and mechanical tendrils that are wrapped around Mel's body.) PEX: Help! Help! MEL: Can't you think of anything else? (Again the Cleaner pulls Mel beneath to the surface of the water. When she struggles back up again, she makes a lunge in the direction of Pex, reaching for his gun.) MEL: Quick. Give me that! (She takes the gun from Pex and splashes her way out of the pool as the Cleaner advances after her. She turns and fires directly at it causing an explosion. The Cleaner buzzes and crackle and sinks to the bottom of the pool. Mel stands panting on the edge of the pool with Pex.) PEX: Mel, I did warn you. (Mel turns to look at Pex in frustrated disbelief.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7. INT. THE CARETAKERS' HEADQUARTERS [SCENE_BREAK] (The Deputy Chief Caretaker stands in front of the bank of monitor screens as he addresses his fellow caretakers.) DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: Attention all Caretakers. Regulation ZZZ is now in operation. This overrides all other rules and regulations. I repeat, this overrides all other rules and regulations. All Caretakers to act with extreme caution and get back here as fast as they can. (The monitor screens display various Caretakers running down the corridors in response to his instructions.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8. EXT. FLOOR 304 / THE POOL [SCENE_BREAK] (Mel and Pex are sitting on a lounger at the side of the pool. Mel has dried off and put her clothes back on. Pex looks very glum.) MEL: Pex. PEX: What? MEL: I'm sorry. (She is distracted by a sound coming from the other end of the pool - behind a curtain.) MEL: What's that? PEX: Where? MEL: Well there's a rustling sound coming from over there. PEX: I only checked it a few minutes ago. MEL: Shall I go? PEX: If you want. (Taking a deep breath, Mel puts her towel aside and walks as nonchalantly as possible towards the curtained-off area. Pex cautiously follows her, getting his gun out just in case. She pulls aside the curtains to see nothing there.) PEX: Nothing there? MEL: No. PEX: Sure? MEL: Of course. See for yourself. (Suddenly the Doctor bursts through the curtain, startling both Pex and Mel. Mel gasps but is then relieved.) MEL: Doctor! THE DOCTOR: I'm sorry to give you such a shock, Mel, but this is where the Cleaner service lift appears to come out. MEL: Oh, Doctor, it's so good to see you! THE DOCTOR: And you, Mel, and you! (The Doctor and Mel hug. The Doctor notices Pex and reaches out his hand and doffs his hat.) THE DOCTOR: Um, how d'you do? MEL: This is Pex. THE DOCTOR: Ah. I believe you've met my friends before. (The Doctor steps back and pulls the curtain back to reveal the Kangs. Pex takes up a defensive stance and eyes them suspiciously.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. INT. THE STREET [SCENE_BREAK] (Smoke starts to fill the corridor. A Caretaker appears at the end of it, clutching his throat and coughing. He falls to the ground dead. Kroagnon, inhabiting the Chief Caretaker's body, walks awkwardly down the corridor followed by a Cleaner that belches out smoke.) KROAGNON: Search hard, My Cleaners, search hard. Bring them all out! All the nasty human beings! The Caretakers! The Residents! The Kangs! All of them! We'll be back to collect the rubbish later. [SCENE_BREAK] 10. EXT. FLOOR 304 / THE POOL [SCENE_BREAK] (The Kangs are sitting in a united group along the side of the pool with Pex alone at the end. The Doctor and Mel are pacing up and down at the head of the pool.) MEL: Imagine building this beautiful pool and filling it with mechanical killers. THE DOCTOR: The rest of the Towers would have been like this pool if he'd had his way. A killer in every corner. MEL: And you're sure Kroagnon's been let loose again? THE DOCTOR: Oh, very much so. But we know so little about his plans. He had years to brood over what he wants to do. But we've no time to come up with a counter plan. (Fire Escape moves over to Pex to taunt him, with the other seated Red and Blue Kangs willing her on.) FIRE ESCAPE: Did Mel make the creature unalive for you? DRINKING FOUNTAIN: And stop you being taken to the cleaners? (Pex nods his head shamefully.) FIRE ESCAPE: Then Mel is a Kang after all. (They all look around at the Doctor and Mel conversing at the other end of the Pool.) PEX: I'll show you all. I will put the world of Paradise Towers to rights. BIN LINER: Oh, yes? PEX: Yes! FIRE ESCAPE: You're a cowardly cutlet, Pex. You will always hide, always. (All the Kangs laugh at Pex. Mel and the Doctor watch the unruly group.) MEL: They shouldn't treat him like that. THE DOCTOR: That's Paradise Towers in a nutshell, I'm afraid. The Red Kangs didn't trust the Blue Kangs. And none of them trusted the Caretakers. And the Rezzies, from your account, prey on whoever they can and trust no one either. And all of them despise poor old Pex. Oh, the Great Architect must be delighted. How are we going to unite the people of Paradise Towers to defeat him? MEL: We'll find a way. We have to. (The Doctor looks despairingly at Mel. All through their conversation, the Kang chants of "He's a Cowardly Cutlet" have been building, directed at Pex. Unable to take anymore, Pex storms off in the direction of the way out. He walks past the Doctor and Mel. She goes to follow him.) MEL: Pex, don't go. Pex! (All of those gathered around the pool are stunned into silence and stillness at the unexpected arrival of three Rezzies, lead by Maddy. She steps timidly forward to address them all.) MADDY: I... that is we... we the Rezzies... the remaining Rezzies that is, want to talk to you all. I think we may need your help. [SCENE_BREAK] 11. INT. THE CARETAKERS' HEADQUARTERS [SCENE_BREAK] (The Deputy Chief Caretaker sits alone, solemnly staring at the floor. The main door to the room opens with a hum and what the Deputy thinks is the Chief walks in - Kroagnon. The Deputy jumps up looking pleased.) DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: Well, Chiefy, I thought you were lost. I... (He stops as he sees two Cleaners through the doorway behind the Chief (Kroagnon). He notices the Chief's slightly odd appearance - he has a silvery sheen to his face and clothing. He starts to advance awkwardly towards the Deputy.) KROAGNON: The Towers have become appallingly dirty. DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: Sorry? KROAGNON: The whole place is polluted with flesh, living flesh. DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: Flesh? Did you say living flesh? KROAGNON: Yes. DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: But Chief, you... KROAGNON: Deputy, may I remind you that there is a rulebook and the rulebook says that the orders of the Chief Caretaker are never to be questioned. DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: Yes, yes. Of course, of course, Chief. Unless... KROAGNON: Unless...? (Kroagnon starts to advance menacingly towards the Deputy, who starts to back away in the direction of the door.) DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: Well, I think you may recall that there are certain cases specified when the rulebook can be overridden, and that is when the Chief Caretaker... KROAGNON: Yes...? DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: ...just isn't the Chief Caretaker. (The Deputy Chief Caretaker turns around and runs out of the door. He leaps over the Cleaners that are in the way and races down the corridor. Kroagnon goes to the door and addresses the Cleaners.) KROAGNON: Leave him. Leave him. We'll clean him up when we clean up all the others. [SCENE_BREAK] 12. EXT. FLOOR 304 / THE POOL [SCENE_BREAK] (The Doctor, Mel, Pex, the Red Kangs and the Blue Kangs are all gathered around to hear the information provided by the Rezzies who are seated on a sofa.) MADDY: The Cleaners have reached about floor 115 now. All the Rezzies, that can, have moved up to the higher floors, but not everyone was quick enough. (The Doctor points to the map on the table in the centre of everyone so that they can all see how high the Cleaners have reached.) THE DOCTOR: And you're sure that person ordering the Cleaners to do this looks like the Chief Caretaker? (Maddy simply nods.) BIN LINER: But he's unalive, Doctor. We saw it. THE DOCTOR: Exactly. So the Great Architect has taken over his body. (Fire Escape leans forward to cast accusations.) FIRE ESCAPE: Why should we believe her? Rezzies are full of untruth and Kangs. Rotten old rubber neck... THE DOCTOR: Please, please, be quiet. Be quiet. (He hushes the Kang grumblings and reassures Maddy to continue as she consults, in hushed tones, with her fellow Rezzies.) MADDY: Of course, I know that we residents have not always been as neighbourly as we might have been. But some have been worse than others. And the worst have gone... down the waste disposal chute. (The Doctor looks disapprovingly at this. Mel and Pex exchange looks, remembering the event described.) MADDY: But those of us who are left want to let bygones be bygones. We're all in danger now and well, we're very sorry for what we did and we won't do it again. If we all survive that is. We need each other's help. THE DOCTOR: Well, you Kangs, what d'you say to that? (Drinking Fountain and another Blue Kang and Fire Escape and Bin Liner, representing the Red Kangs, get into a secret huddle to discuss, whilst the others wait. The huddle breaks up and they address the group.) BIN LINER: I won't say Rezzies are Ice Hot but yes she's not telling untruths. And yes, we'll help each other. THE DOCTOR: All agreed? Pex? FIRE ESCAPE: Don't ask him. He's a cowardly cutlet. THE DOCTOR: Fire Escape!! Pex? (Pex waits for silence and grimly nods his head.) FIRE ESCAPE: We work with Rezzies - no to-do. We work with Pex - no to-do. But the Caretakers? (All the Kangs get to their feet to proclaim as one voice.) KANGS: Never, ever!!! (Suddenly they have to spin around as they are interrupted by the subtle coughing of the Deputy Chief Caretaker who stands behind them.) DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: Excuse me. I'm sorry to intrude like this, but I wondered if I might have a word with you all. [SCENE_BREAK] 13. INT. THE CARETAKERS' HEADQUARTERS [SCENE_BREAK] (Kroagnon stands at a transparent map of Paradise Towers and, with a highlighting marker pen, he marks the last floor that Cleaners have reached.) KROAGNON: 170. All the messy creatures will be moving up to the swimming pool zone on floor 304. Luckily they won't have time to make it too untidy before I destroy them. I have nothing to fear. Nobody knows my Paradise Towers better than I do. (He sits down at the desk and watches blankly at the monitor screens displaying the Cleaners busily going about their killer sprees.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14. EXT. FLOOR 304 / THE POOL [SCENE_BREAK] (Everyone stands ready, awaiting the planning process. The Doctor checks his watch and pockets it again.) THE DOCTOR: We have very little time, so we must think clearly. Now Kroagnon, as we now must call the Chief Caretaker, is firmly installed in your headquarters. Am I right, Deputy Chief? DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: Yes, Doctor. THE DOCTOR: So we must find a way of getting him out again. BIN LINER: Set a trap for him! THE DOCTOR: Precisely. MADDY: We used to do that a lot with the rats. MEL: But what about the Cleaners? THE DOCTOR: First, we must immobilise as many as we can. DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: Doctor? THE DOCTOR: Yes? DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: I know it's against the rulebook to say this, but I suppose these are exceptional circumstances. THE DOCTOR: They could be described thus, yes. DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: Well, on the 245 Sodium Street, Corridor 75, there's a secret emergency supply kept for pest going out of control. MEL: An emergency supply of what? DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: Explosives. MEL: That'll do it. FIRE ESCAPE: Ice Hot! BIN LINER: With explosives and arrogance we can blow out the Cleaners, no problem. DRINKING FOUNTAIN: Send the Cleaners to the Cleaners. ALL: Yes!! (They all laugh.) MADDY: Most of the Rezzies make table cloths. We could throw them over the Cleaners to slow them down for you to shoot. FIRE ESCAPE: Ice Hot, Maddy! THE DOCTOR: (to Mel) We seem to be getting somewhere at last. (Everyone seems jubilant at there ideas, there is lots of merriment and clapping.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15. INT. THE CARETAKERS' HEADQUARTERS [SCENE_BREAK] (Kroagnon continues to make his marks on the transparent map.) KROAGNON: 163. Time to see what the human garbage is up to in the swimming pool zone. (He moves to the desk and activates a control. One monitor screen goes blank and the computer voice speaks out.) COMPUTER VOICE: By express order of the Great Architect, surveillance of the swimming pool is not allowed. Not allowed. (Kroagnon growls with anger.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16. EXT. FLOOR 304 / THE POOL [SCENE_BREAK] (The inhabitants of Paradise Towers in the swimming pool area are so overjoyed at their ideas they forget the urgency of the situation and need the Doctor to calm things.) THE DOCTOR: Please! Please! We must move on to the main problem. (As silence is regained, the Doctor starts to wander around the pool to ponder. Bin Liner and Fire Escape follow him.) THE DOCTOR: How to persuade Kroagnon to leave his safety and come to a place of our choosing where we can trap and defeat him. DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: He'll never leave there until we're all wiped out. We'll never manage to break. I should know that. THE DOCTOR: Well there is a way that might just work. FIRE ESCAPE: What's that, Doctor? THE DOCTOR: Well you see, Kroagnon is undoubtedly a very clever and very proud being, and like many clever and proud beings likes to be appreciated by his equals. Now, I think if he had the chance to meet such a person, he would leave his lair to do so. MEL: Doctor, you're not going to go and... THE DOCTOR: I've no choice, Mel. I mean, in all honesty, I am the only obvious candidate. MEL: You'll go out there and show yourself and be killed. THE DOCTOR: Oh no, no, no. That would be extremely futile. I will allow myself to be seen, and then somebody will go to Kroagnon and offer to lead him to me - right into our little trap. Now that person has a far more difficult and dangerous mission than I. (Everyone looks around awkwardly and goes silent until one person speaks out.) PEX: I will go to Kroagnon. I am Pex and I am the... FIRE ESCAPE: A Cowardly Cutlet. (All the Kangs laugh raucously. Pex is hurt but Mel looks on encouragingly.) PEX: Well you all have tasks to do. Caretakers, Residents, Kangs, why should only Pex be left out. Pex the trained fighting machine. Pex the only... BIN LINER: The scaredy cat. (Again their riotous laughter silences Pex.) MEL: Pex, are you sure you want to do this? PEX: Yes, I am. THE DOCTOR: So be it. [SCENE_BREAK] 17. INT. THE CARETAKERS' HEADQUARTERS [SCENE_BREAK] (The monitor screen continues to display the Cleaners going about their task of destruction. Kroagnon looks at his map but is interrupted by a bing from the control desk. Suddenly a screen comes to life and shows the Doctor's face. Kroagnon walks towards it.) THE DOCTOR: Hello, there, Kroagnon. This is the Doctor speaking. I don't believe we've met, though no doubt you've heard of me. (Kroagnon just growls at the arrogance.) THE DOCTOR: I thought so. Anyway, I'd heard so much about Paradise Towers I thought I'd come and take a look and, believe me, I'm very disappointed. It displays exactly what everyone says is your usual failure as an architect - not making allowances for people. Still, I'm sure if we managed to work together, we might just about make this place habitable. I've a few ideas which I might give to you if you can be bothered to listen. Bye for now. (The Doctor's screen goes black and Kroagnon again growls with anger.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18. INT. THE STREET [SCENE_BREAK] (A Cleaner moves into yet another corridor to gas yet more unfortunates. Maddy appears from one of the flats to address it. Behind Maddy are two other residents. It stops in its tracks to hear here speak.) MADDY: Oh, excuse me. Excuse me. I hope you don't mind my mentioning it, but I think you missed some rubbish in the street back there. (The Cleaner starts to turn around to return to the previous corridor.) MADDY: Charge!! (When its back is turned, Maddy ducks down and the two other residents rush forward and throw a table cloth over the Cleaner's eyes, blocking its vision. They then run off, and Drinking Fountain appears in another doorway and aims a bolt from her weapon, hitting the Cleaner. The Cleaner explodes and then falls silent.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19. INT. THE RED KANG HEADQUARTERS [SCENE_BREAK] (As the Kangs busy themselves gathering together essential pieces of equipment and setting up the explosive around the room, the Doctor and Mel are talking with Pex to prepare him.) THE DOCTOR: Now, are you clear what you have to do, Pex? MEL: And you are sure you want to go through with it? PEX: I won't be unbrave again. THE DOCTOR: Remember, Pex, you must get him out of the CARETAKERS' HEADQUARTERS as quick as you can so that he doesn't see what's happening to the Cleaner. But then, once he's out, take as long as you can. We need time, no heroics, just a cool clear head. PEX: I can manage. THE DOCTOR: Good luck, Pex. (The Doctor shakes his hand and then walks off leaving Pex with Mel.) MEL: I've been asked to give you this, Pex. It's a Kang bracelet. They wanted to give it to you. They think you're not a scaredy cat any longer but a real Kang. Good luck, Pex. (She places the bracelet on his wrist and then kisses his cheek. He looks embarrassed. He gives Mel his gun.) PEX: You take this, Mel. Can't use it this time. (Fire Escape, Bin Liner and Mel watch Pex earnestly leave. Bin Liner hands him a stick of explosives.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20. INT. THE STREET [SCENE_BREAK] (Another cleaner moves smoothly into the corridor but is confronted by Drinking Fountain and her weapon. She fires and yet another Cleaner is dispatched. Residents, Caretakers and Kangs join her as she celebrates its immobilising.) DRINKING FOUNTAIN: Come on, on to the next one. (They all move off, following here from the corridor, leaving the smoking remains of the Cleaner.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21. INT. THE CARETAKERS' HEADQUARTERS [SCENE_BREAK] (Pex is displayed on one of the monitor screens as he boldly addresses Kroagnon.) KROAGNON: So you say you could lead me to this so-called Doctor who dares to mock me? PEX: Yes, he and the other... mobile rubbish have found a place to hide that they think you don't know about. And they're there planning ways of resistance. [SCENE_BREAK] KROAGNON: If you deliver me this Doctor, I'll give you a safe way out. [SCENE_BREAK] 22. INT. THE RED KANG HEADQUARTERS [SCENE_BREAK] (Mel descends the stairs into the room and goes to see the Doctor. Other Kangs are busying around with the explosives.) MEL: Doctor? THE DOCTOR: Yes? MEL: The door's nearly back in place anyway but they're having trouble with the fortamoliscope (sic) opening device. THE DOCTOR: I better give them a hand. See what you can do to help the Kangs down there. Oh, and Mel, don't forget to leave the escape hatch uncovered so that I can make my exit. (He makes his way to the main entrance door and passes Bin Liner by its side.) THE DOCTOR: Oh I just hope that Pex doesn't lose his nerve and hurry. Otherwise it won't be Kroagnon who's caught in a booby trap, it'll be us. [SCENE_BREAK] 23. INT. THE SQUARE [SCENE_BREAK] (Various Kangs are splattered around the square, out of sight from the approaching Pex and Kroagnon. Two Cleaners follow them.) KROAGNON: This is not some trick is it? PEX: No! No! KROAGNON: I've only just began to enjoy walking around my marvellous Towers in this body and I wouldn't deal very kindly with anybody who was stupid enough to lay a trap for me. (They stop just inside the square. Pex looks anxiously aside. Kroagnon taps Pex on the shoulder and startles him.) KROAGNON: Not frightened, are you? PEX: I... I think we ought to hurry, Great Architect. Please, let's hurry. KROAGNON: As you wish. (Pex walks off. Kroagnon goes to follow him but senses something around him. He turns but sees nothing behind him except for the TARDIS sitting in the corner covered in wallscrawl. He walks onwards, still awkwardly as he cannot quite handle the control of the Chief's body. The two Cleaners follow smoothly after him. When they have gone, the Kangs on the walkway above come from hiding and await a signal from below. A Kang appears and tells them to move on. They leave the square. Drinking Fountain goes to the talky phone in the square and contacts the others.) DRINKING FOUNTAIN: They're on their way. [SCENE_BREAK] 24. INT. THE RED KANG HEADQUARTERS [SCENE_BREAK] (Bin Liner replaces the receiver at her end after talking with Drinking Fountain. She is with Mel.) MEL: What's happening? BIN LINER: They're making all speed here. MEL: What!?! BIN LINER: Pex has been a scaredy cat. They'll be here in no time. THE DOCTOR: I must tell the Doctor. (Mel runs for the door but Bin Liner stops her before she steps on the tripwires.) BIN LINER: Danger! Tripwires. This way. (Bin Liner leads Mel out through the "unseen outway".) [SCENE_BREAK] 25. INT. THE STREET [SCENE_BREAK] (The Doctor is with the Deputy Chief Caretaker and Fire Escape outside the Kang Headquarters. He is adjusting the door control.) THE DOCTOR: That should do it. (The Deputy Chief Caretaker notices Kroagnon, Pex and the two Cleaners appear at the other end of the street.) DEPUTY CHIEF CARETAKER: Doctor! And we're not ready for him. THE DOCTOR: Oh, Pex. Move back, quickly. FIRE ESCAPE: Oh, but Doctor, he'll make you unalive. (Mel and Bin Liner appear on the street, having exited from the escape route.) THE DOCTOR: There's only one way this might work, and for that I need to be on my own. MEL: Come on. (Mel, Bin Liner, Fire Escape and the Deputy all pull back to the other end of the Street, away from the Doctor. Kroagnon appears before the Doctor whilst Pex stand a little way behind him.) KROAGNON: Well!?! THE DOCTOR: Well, now, Kroagnon. How nice of you to drop in. I'm so glad. I wanted to have a word with you about the shoddy design of this building. I mean, take this door for instance, look at it. KROAGNON: There was nothing wrong with it when I built it, unless humanoid creatures have damaged it. THE DOCTOR: Well, speaking as an expert, I'm prepared to tell the universe you couldn't design a simple doorknob. I mean, look. (Kroagnon growl as the Doctor points to the door. Kroagnon goes to look at it and the Doctor opens the door and attempts to push him inside. Kroagnon spins around and pushes the Doctor to his side. The others look on horrified. Pex makes to run away but the Cleaners stand in his way. He runs away in the other direction past the Doctor, who makes another attempt to push Kroagnon into the explosives-laden Kang Headquarters.) THE DOCTOR: Pex!! Please!! (Pex runs into Mel who looks at him disappointed. He remembers his Kang bracelet and goes back to help the Doctor who is being pushed repeatedly against the wall by Kroagnon. Pex pushes the Doctor aside and shoves the stick of explosive that Bin Liner gave him earlier into Kroagnon's hand. With one great leap he manages to push Kroagnon off his feet and through the door into the Kang Headquarters. Instantly the darkened interior explodes, debris flying everywhere.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26. INT. THE SQUARE [SCENE_BREAK] (All the residents of Paradise Towers are gathered together to mourn and honour Pex. The Kangs stand around their memorial made from pieces of junk. The Rezzies and the Caretakers stand back looking on. Also present are the Doctor and Mel.) BIN LINER: Hail Pex. Hail the unalive who gave his life for the Towers. In life he was not a Kang but in death he was brave and bold as a Kang should be. (The Kangs, Red and Blue, stand as one and start to encircle the memorial.) KANGS: Hail Pex. Hail the unalive. Hail Pex. Hail the Unalive. (Mel and the Doctor look on.) MEL: Poor Pex. THE DOCTOR: Indeed, poor Pex. But look, Mel, they're all here. The Caretakers, the Rezzies, the Kangs. This would never have happened before. Perhaps now they'll all start working together. MEL: Yes. (Fire Escape, Bin Liner and Drinking Fountain move over to join the Doctor and Mel.) THE DOCTOR: Ah, Fire Escape. Now, have you managed to remove the Kang wallscrawls from the TARDIS as you promised? FIRE ESCAPE: Build High for Happiness, Doctor. (She passes the Doctor his umbrella with a sheepish grin.) THE DOCTOR: Oh, thank you very much. DRINKING FOUNTAIN: We're sorry you must go, Doctor and Mel. We've made you an honorary Kang, Doctor. THE DOCTOR: Oh, a Blue Kang or a Red Kang? (She passes a blue scarf over to the Doctor and Fire Escape shows him that it is red on the other side.) FIRE ESCAPE: Both. THE DOCTOR: Ah, well I'll be honoured to wear it. (He doffs his hat to them as they move off to join the procession.) THE DOCTOR: And all my best wishes to the future of Paradise Towers. (The Doctor and Mel wave goodbye to the others standing present and move over to the other side of the square where the TARDIS in standing waiting to depart. Mel unlocks the door. The Doctor doffs his hat to the same piece of metal rubbish that he said hello to when they arrived.) THE DOCTOR: Goodbye. MEL: No, Doctor. THE DOCTOR: Well you never can tell. (They both go inside the TARDIS and once the door is shut, the familiar whizzing and groaning sound echoes around the square. Once the TARDIS has gone it reveals a piece of writing scrawled on the wall. "Pex Lives".)

The Great Architect in his new human body sets out to eliminate all the remaining humans in the Towers. The Doctor has to work with both the Red and Blue Kangs to come up with a plan that will stop his plans in their tracks. Pex has a serious decision to make.

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VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars Veronica runs to the edge of the cliff in the wake of the bus crash in 201 "Normal Is the Watchword." Dick and Beaver are standing back from the edge, gazing down. Gia is standing at the edge, stunned. GIA: It just went straight off the cliff. They're all dead. Veronica finds the audio file attached to the message "Kill incorporation or else" on one of the little used computers in the Goodman house in 221 "Happy Go Lucky." PETER: Woody's a pervert. He's sick. What he did to us is wrong. Veronica plays the audio for Keith. VERONICA: Two of the boys who died in the bus crash were on Woody's Little League team. Keith challenges Woody in Woody's office. KEITH: Most adults keep their hands off of other people's children. Lamb sits back at his desk, refusing to take action against Woody. KEITH: You'll be the guy who let a child-molester and a murderer get away. In the courtroom, Lamb gives Keith the bad news. LAMB: Woody's gone. He took his private plane. At the high school, Weevil talks to Veronica. WEEVIL: My grandmother asked me for one thing, my whole life. She wants to see me walk across that stage at graduation. A cloth-filled hand pops out from behind a vehicle, catching Thumper and covering his mouth and nose in 217 "Plan B." THUMPER: [offscreen] It's Weevil, I'm telling you! Weevil stands over the unconscious Thumper at the back of the vehicle and takes his drug money. THUMPER: [offscreen] He set me up! Thumper, handcuffed to a urinal at Shark Field Stadium, pleads. THUMPER: I got something on you. A cloth is stuffed in Thumper's mouth by Liam Fitzpatrick. Cut to Logan depressing the plunger to detonate the explosives to bring the stadium down. At the sound of the first explosion, Thumper realises his fate. Cut to a confessional. WEEVIL: Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Veronica dresses in the doctor's office in 220 "Look Who's Stalking." VERONICA: I've got what? DOCTOR: Chlamydia. At the front door of his house, Terrence hands Wallace a note in 221 "Happy Go Lucky." TERRENCE: Jackie left for France this morning. At the alterna-prom, Logan, having poured in the booze, pours out his heart to Veronica in 220 "Look Who's Stalking." LOGAN: I thought our story was epic. He moves in slowly to kiss her. Veronica panics. VERONICA: I have to go. Veronica stands at Logan's door the next morning. VERONICA: I don't want to lose you from my life. Kendall makes an entrance in her bikini in 201 "Normal Is the Watchword." At Neptune High, Beaver tells Veronica about his stepmother as they walk across the empty lunch area in 203 "Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang." BEAVER: My stepmom. She's a gold digger. Aaron has a deal for Kendall in 215 "The Quick and the Wed." AARON: You're cash-strapped. I can help. But...quid pro quo, Mrs. C. Kendall takes a hair from Duncan's shower. AARON: [offscreen] Quid pro quo. Aaron stares triumphantly at Veronica in 221 "Happy Go Lucky." JURY FOREMAN: [offscreen] We find the defendant not guilty. Veronica is near to tears. End previouslies. EXT - COUNTY BUILDING - DAY. There is a huge crowd outside the building that houses the courtroom. Most of the crowd are delighted, cheering and clapping. VOICE IN THE CROWD: Aaron! There are other various shouts and the crowd, fronted by the cameras and microphones of the press, surges forward as Aaron comes out with his lawyers (except for Lavoie). VERONICA VOICEOVER: So this is how it is. The innocent suffer. The guilty go free. And truth and fiction are pretty much interchangeable. Aaron acknowledges the crowd happily. REPORTER: Mr. Echolls, how do you feel about your acquittal? AARON: I-I feel relieved to have my name cleared of this, this...horrible crime. The crowd cheers and claps anew. VERONICA VOICEOVER: There is neither a Santa Claus nor an Easter Bunny, and there are no angels watching over us. Veronica and Keith are in the crowd, neither cheering nor clapping. Veronica is staring at Aaron, her arms crossed in front of her, miserable. Keith tightens his hold on her. KEITH: Hey. He gently touches her chin to turn her head away and starts to lead her out of the crowd. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Things just happen for no reason. Aaron continues to enjoy the adulation of the crowd, holding up the victory V sign with both hands. INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS (MI) - DAY. This image is what appears on the front page of the Neptune Register newspaper, under the heading "Echolls Acquitted. Movie star found not guilty in teen's murder." Veronica slaps the paper down on her desk. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And nothing makes any sense. Veronica, sitting at her desk, stares down at the paper. Keith is standing next to her. KEITH: We will not do this. Keith reaches over her to take the paper. KEITH: You can't let this stick in your head. He has to tug to get it out of her hands. KEITH: However wrong it turned out, it's done. We're people with lives, and we will not obsess. We move on. Aaron Echolls will get his justice in his own way. VERONICA: You really believe that? KEITH: Yes. Now, come on. We're running a business here. He taps her arm with the folded up newspaper. KEITH: Look alive. Keith returns to his own office. He sits down, but it too wound up himself to do anything other than pick up the paper and start to read it. Outside in the main office, the buzz of an in-coming fax is heard. Veronica gets up to collect the fax. She reads it. In his office, Keith is agitated as he reads the paper. Veronica appears at the door and sees what he is doing. VERONICA: What happened to moving on? Caught in the act, Keith closes up the paper and tosses it aside. VERONICA: Posted today: Meg's dad offering twenty grand for the capture of Woody Goodman. She hands him the fax. KEITH: Well, I'm sure someone will get him. Keith glances at it before handing it back to her. VERONICA: Didn't you say something about "we have a business to run"? Keith nods his head, taking on an innocent demeanour. VERONICA: Shouldn't you be out hunting him down like the dog he is? KEITH: I also said something about us being people with lives. See, I have this kid who's gonna graduate from high school. I don't wanna miss it. VERONICA: This is Woody Goodman. He blew up a bus and molested children. KEITH: Guess I'm just sentimental. INT - JAVA THE HUT - NIGHT. Wallace is at one of the small tables. There is an untouched piece of cake on the table, pushed away from him. In his hand is Jackie's note. Veronica, in her work gear, slides into the seat opposite him. She has a file in her hand which she sets down on the table. VERONICA: When the management gives you free cake, you're supposed to eat it. I thought you were prepared for Jackie going. WALLACE: Never figured it'd go down like this. VERONICA: She left you a note? WALLACE: "But I was afraid if I saw you, I wouldn't be able to get on a plane. I'll always...." Well, then it's just a bunch of private stuff. Wallace, dispirited, puts his elbow on the table and rests his face on his bunched-up fist. He looks at Veronica. WALLACE: What can you do about that? VERONICA: You could use a method time-tested by women throughout the ages. Veronica points to the cake. VERONICA: Gorge on cake. Wallace glances down at it, not tempted. Veronica spots something behind Wallace. VERONICA: I'll be right back. She picks up the file and walks towards the entrance. A boy is standing there. VERONICA: Johnny Ludden? Thanks for dropping by. JOHNNY: Sure. Free gelato just to show up? Why not. From the file in her hand, Veronica pulls out a picture. It is a blow up of the picture from Woody's wall of the eleven boy Little League team. On it, Veronica has written the names of the boys she has identified: Jamie Leahy, Tyson Richarsdon (sic), Johnny Ludden, Jordan Taylor, Michael Curry, Peter Ferrer, Franklin Carvahlos, Justin Mize, Robin Luddington and Marcos Oliveres. There is one boy on the far left that she has not identified. She shows Johnny the picture, her finger pointing to the boy she has identified as Johnny. VERONICA: Is this you in Woody's old team? JOHNNY: Yeah. So, do I have to eat here, or could I get the gelato in a carton? VERONICA: Just a few more questions first. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. Veronica enters the apartment, staring at the photograph. Keith is in the armchair, reading. KEITH: Hey, honey. VERONICA: Hey, Dad. Neither have glanced up, both intent on their activities. The phone rings. Veronica answers. VERONICA: Hello? VINNIE: [on the phone] Hey, Veronica Mars! Is your dad home? Veronica grins and holds out the phone. VERONICA: You've got a call... Keith looks up curiously. VERONICA: ...from Vinnie Vanlowe. Keith makes an exaggerated "huh" face. INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - NIGHT. VINNIE: So, of course you know about the bounty on this Goodman guy. KEITH: I'm aware of it, yes. VINNIE: Twenty Gs? That's big-boy money. Gonna be a lot of top guys out there for it. I had a thought. We team up. Mars and Vanlowe. Pool our resources. Split the cash. KEITH: Sheriff got you on video breaking into Woody's house. Vinnie beckons Keith closer and steps forward, revealing that Vinnie is in a jail cell. VINNIE: [quietly] But Johnny Law don't know what I got. KEITH: What do you got? VINNIE: All his records: tax, medical, corporate, the whole enchilada. We nail him, we split sixty-forty. I'm the sixty, by the way. KEITH: Fifty-fifty, if the stuff you got pans out and no action until after my daughter's graduation. VINNIE: I'm in jail! I deserve sixty. Keith holds up his hand and rubs his thumb and forefinger together. VINNIE: I risk my life to bring a fugitive to justice and you're giving me world's tiniest violin. KEITH: Guess I'm just heartless. VERONICA: [offscreen] He's got, like... INT - MI - DAY. Keith and Veronica are working at her desk, going through piles and piles of papers. VERONICA: ...ten credit cards in different corporate names. We're gonna have to put a trace on all of them. Veronica picks up another file and opens it. VERONICA: And he has a pilot's license. KEITH: Seasonal allergies, bad arches... Keith flips up the paper he's reading to the sheet underneath. KEITH: ...and he had the clap. Hm. Veronica freezes. KEITH: Treated twice for Chlamydia. Didn't see that in his campaign materials. Veronica is uncomfortable. Keith carries on, oblivious. KEITH: Bingo. Heart arrhythmia. VERONICA: So that's our strategy? Just wait for him to drop dead? KEITH: He has to take a pill every day. There any way you can find out Gia Goodman's cell phone access code? VERONICA: Gia's cell? KEITH: Woody's lawyer is also an old college buddy of his. If he'd call anyone, it'd be him. If we had Gia's code and could forward her calls... VERONICA: I guarantee you she hasn't changed it from the factory default. KEITH: Then I have a plan. DREAM: INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. An alarm placed on a white bedside table goes off at 6:30am. Also on the table are some pictures, some candles, a spray bottle, a diary, and a porcelain dog (or pig). The room is bathed in pale pink light. Without opening her eyes, Veronica pulls a small pillow over her head, sighing. She removes it on the sound of a knock at the door. LIANNE: Up and at 'em, honey. Lianne marches in, carrying folded clothes. The room is not Veronica's bedroom at the apartment, but in a different house. Lianne sets the clothes on top of a chest of drawers. She is grinning ear to ear. LIANNE: Can you believe the big day is finally here? Lianne exits the room. Veronica, still half asleep, is confused as she gets up. Cut to a little later. Veronica, dressed in a strapless summer dress with a petticoat frill, walks out into a smart kitchen. At the end is a breakfast table. Keith is there, in his sheriff's uniform. He watches her as she approaches the table. KEITH: There she is. Veronica pauses a moment before taking her seat. VERONICA: The eyes are bright, the tail is bushy. Lianne puts pancakes on Keith's plate and then on Veronica's. VERONICA: Pancakes, Mom? Are you trying to give me an early jump on the freshman fifteen. Lianne laughs. LIANNE: Eat up. You think the dining halls at San Diego State are gonna feed you like this? She puts the empty plate from which she served the pancakes down on the kitchen counter just in time as Keith grabs her around the waist and pulls her onto his lap. KEITH: Hmm. I love pancakes. LIANNE: Well... They start to kiss. Veronica stares at them in mixed wonder and bewilderment. Keith looks over at her. KEITH: What? A comment? "Get a room"? You just gagged in your mouth? Lianne giggles. VERONICA: No, it's nice. Lianne pulls herself up from Keith's hold and leans forwards to feel Veronica's forehead. LIANNE: Are you okay? VERONICA: All right. Lianne laughs again and goes to the kitchen. Keith busies himself preparing his pancakes. VERONICA: So how's the sheriff business? KEITH: Pretty sweet. We've got Otis sleeping it off in cell one and Lamb has to wear the Clete, the Crime-Fighting Canine costume to all the elementary schools this week. Lianne returns with a camera. She sits down on Keith's lap. LIANNE: Um, listen. After the ceremony, don't run off with that boy because we want to take pictures, and lots of them. VERONICA: And I can't wait. LIANNE: Okay, then you should practice. Say "cheese." Lianne points the camera. GIRLS: [offscreen] Cheese! The scene shifts to... EXT - NEPTUNE HIGH SCHOOL (NHS), LUNCH AREA - DAY. ...a camera as it flashes. A girl takes a picture of friends as Veronica passes behind her. She is heading for one of the tables where Logan is sitting on top of it and Duncan is sitting on its bench. Both have their graduation caps on. Duncan, and many of the students milling around them are wearing their gowns. Duncan and Logan are laughing. VERONICA: They gave me the wrong cap and gown. Logan pulls the cap off of his head and looks inside it. LOGAN: Yeah, how exactly can you tell? As Dick wanders over to join them, Veronica holds up the plastic bag containing the cap and gown she has been given. VERONICA: It's got someone else's name on it. DICK: Guess who's going commando? DUNCAN: Must we? VERONICA: Does anyone know Wallace Fennel? Veronica mispronounces "Fennel." DUNCAN: I do, he's in my PE class. Awesome baller. I think he works at Sac-n-Pac. VERONICA: "Awesome baller." That doesn't really help me. Can you point him out? DICK: You didn't hear what happened to him? Sac-n-Pac got held up when he was working. Logan smiles and looks down. DICK: The robber forced him into the walk-in cooler...he got frostbite. DUNCAN: Yeah, dude lost three fingers. VERONICA: [horrified] Oh my god, that's awful. Duncan and Dick erupt into laughter, congratulating themselves. Logan slips off the table and walks towards Veronica. LOGAN: Aw, sweetie, I love you. But you have to be the most gullible girl I've ever met. He kisses her. VERONICA: I'm trusting, sue me. Duncan points into the distance. DUNCAN: There he is, that's Wallace. Veronica looks behind her. Wallace, wearing glasses, is carrying another cap and gown. VERONICA: Wallace? Veronica leaves the boys to chase Wallace. Behind her, Dick is showing the next table what's underneath his robes, causing Logan to spin around and laugh. VERONICA: Wallace. Wallace? WALLACE: Yeah. VERONICA: I think I have your cap and gown. WALLACE: That must make you Veronica Mars? VERONICA: It does. They swap. WALLACE: So. Lookin' forward to gettin' out of here? VERONICA: I guess. I don't know. High school was a blast. Right? WALLACE: Oh, you're one of those. VERONICA: What's that supposed to mean? WALLACE: Nothing. Have a good life. I'm sure you will. Wallace walks away. Veronica worries over the scene for a moment but is distracted when she sees someone by the fountain and runs to her. VERONICA: Lilly! LILLY: Hey! They hug. VERONICA: Tell me about everything! Tell me about this new guy. Tell me about Vassar. LILLY: The guy is gone. We had a little screaming over fooling around with his ex. VERONICA: That b*st*rd. LILLY: Oh no, no. It was, um, it was me. She laughs. Veronica looks shocked. LILLY: I kinda fooled around with his ex. I mean, you'd think that guys would dig that, right? What? It's college. It's expected. You'll see. VERONICA: God, it's so good to see you. LILLY: What is this? Lilly points behind her. LILLY: A Lilly Kane memorial fountain? Do you smell bacon? END DREAM. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. In her own room, Veronica is woken by Keith poking his head into her room. KEITH: Graduation day! Get up! Lots to do! I'm making breakfast. Keith belatedly knocks on the door on his way out. Having raised her head slightly, Veronica lets it fall back on the pillow. Opening credits. EXT - NEPTUNE STREETS - DAY. A man in a business suit, carrying a briefcase, strides towards and enters a building. He is being watched by Keith, parked on the other side of the street. Keith talks into his cell. KEITH: Get ready. INT - LEE'S OFFICE - DAY. The man, Woody Goodman's lawyer Bill Lee, is met by his assistant in front of his office. ASSISTANT: Morning Mr. Lee. Gia Goodman asked you to call her on her cell. She proffers him a slip of paper. LEE: It's all right. I got the number. He goes into his office and sits down at his desk. He fits an earpiece and then dials a number from memory. It rings on the other end. LEE: Gia? Bill Lee. VERONICA AS GIA: [on phone] Hey, so, I'm trying to get a message to Dad... INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. Veronica, dressed in a black, halter-neck dress, is at her desk. VERONICA AS GIA: But he didn't leave us a forwarding...it's just, we got a call from Dr. Hoover and I guess his heart pills are fifty mil-something this time instead of a hundred... EXT - NEPTUNE STREETS - CONTINUING. In his car, Keith is listening and monitoring the call with some fancy tech equipment. VERONICA AS GIA: [on phone] So he has to take two. It's really important. LEE: [on phone] Got it, Gia. I'll see what I can do. You take care, honey. INT - LEE'S OFFICE - CONTINUING. Lee leans forward at his desk to dial another number. EXT - NEPTUNE STREETS - CONTINUING. In the car, Keith can listen in on the call. VOICE ON PHONE: [on phone] Quail Creek Lodge. LEE: [on phone] I need to leave a message for Mr. Underhill please. Keith places one device over another. Against the sound of a ringing phone of the call being forwarded, Keith gets a number: 775-555-0122. KEITH: Bingo. INT - NHS, GYM - DAY. The camera looks down onto the cap of a student on which is written "Neptune High Class of 2006" in chalk. The student walks on and the camera pulls up to reveal the room which is decorated with a large arch of green and gold balloons. Visitors are taking their seats in the stands. The students who are graduating are to sit in the middle of the auditorium, in front of a small stage set up on the opposite wall to the visitors. Proceeding amongst the crowd is Keith and Veronica in her cap and gown. She has a large gold medallion around her neck. KEITH: After you talked to Woody's lawyer, he immediately called the number for Quail Creek Lodge, twenty miles outside of Reno. It's a stocked hunting ranch, rich businessmen shooting captive birds. VERONICA: You think Woody's there? KEITH: I checked Google Earth. Satellite photos show a landing strip and a building big enough to hold a plane. I'm on a flight to Reno, leaving an hour after graduation. VERONICA: I don't know if I like the idea of you running around a place full of armed, drunk businessmen. KEITH: That's why I rarely go to Texas. I'll be fine. [repeats in a whisper] I'll be fine. He leans forward and kisses her. KEITH: I'll call as soon as I have him. Keith grins proudly and goes to take his seat in the stands. Veronica watches him, and then notices Weevil escorting two small children and his grandmother to their seats. His grandmother, who, if she is Leticia Navarro, has aged considerably, is using a walker to slowly make her way to the stands. Veronica gives a little smile as Weevil's grandmother reaches up to adjust his cap. Cut to a little later. The band plays "Pomp and Circumstance" throughout the ceremony and Clemmons is in the middle of calling the students up one by one. CLEMMONS: John Enbom. There's applause as John Enbom makes his way left to right across the stage. CLEMMONS: Wallace Fennel. The cheers are louder for Wallace. Alicia is in the stands and rises to applaud her son. Veronica puts her hands to her mouth to use as a megaphone for a big whoo-hoo, clapping strenuously. Alicia does the same (without the hands) from the stands. Veronica is still clapping when a finger pokes her in the shoulder. Mac is sitting in the same row and they are separated by a male student. Veronica leans back so she can talk to Mac behind his back. MAC: Guess what? CLEMMONS: Stacey Fields. VERONICA: What? MAC: Beaver got us a room at the Neptune Grand for tonight. VERONICA: Oo-la-la. MAC: Any advice? VERONICA: Close your eyes and think of England? Mac is not impressed. CLEMMONS: Howard Grigsby. VERONICA: Just relax. Mac grins and returns her attention to the front. The entire row stands up and starts to make their way to the side of the stage. CLEMMONS: Hadley Klein. Veronica pauses at the end of the row, spotting Lamb and a deputy. Lamb passes her with hardly a glance. Veronica turns to follow him with her gaze. CLEMMONS: Phil Klemmer. Lamb stops two rows behind Veronica's. Weevil is sitting at the end of it. Lamb stares down at him. Weevil looks up at him, not happy. There's applause going on for Phil Klemmer and one of the students shouts out. STUDENT: Yo, Klemmer! LAMB: Eli Navarro. You are under arrest in connection with the murder of Eduardo Orozco. WEEVIL: No, man. LAMB: You have the right... WEEVIL: You're not going to do this, not here. LAMB: ...to remain silent. Anything you say may be... WEEVIL: Just give me ten minutes, okay? LAMB: ...used as evidence in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one-- Weevil erupts, jumping up and getting in Lamb's face. WEEVIL: [screaming] Just let me graduate. Clemmons hears this from the stage and gazes worriedly at the scene. Lamb is completely unfazed and uncaring. LAMB: One may be appointed for you. Do you understand these rights? WEEVIL: Please. Don't do this, man. LAMB: Cuff him. Let's get him out of here. The deputy goes to cuff Weevil. He jerks away. LAMB: Hey, hey. You want to do this the hard way? Lamb puts his hand on his gun. LAMB: Huh? Weevil turns his head to look back at his grandmother, who is holding the two youngsters and showing concern. Clemmons gets back to work. CLEMMONS: Todd McDade. Weevil sighs and lets himself be cuffed and led away. LAMB: Let's go. He stares at Veronica as he is led past her. CLEMMONS: Cindy Mackenzie. There's a smattering of applause. Beaver, in the stands with Dick, claps loudly and grins. Dick is clapping with less enthusiasm. CLEMMONS: Scott Markham. The boy who had been sitting next to Veronica is given his diploma. Clemmons leans down to the microphone. CLEMMONS: Veronica Mars. Keith jumps up from his seat and shouts out, clapping hard with his hands over his head. KEITH: Yep, yep. The applause is loud (although there are some boos in there as well). People shout out her name. Veronica is stunned by the volume and looks out over the gym. Mac, already in her seat, gives a loud holler. Wallace shouts out. WALLACE: Well done, V. Logan, with a crooked smile, claps. Veronica smiles proudly and goes to Clemmons, her surprise still showing on her face. Clemmons leans forward, covering the microphone with his hand. CLEMMONS: You were expecting some other reaction? He hands Veronica her scroll VERONICA: I... CLEMMONS: I can't decide if my life is going to be easier or more difficult with you gone. Anything I should know in case I get another one like you someday? VERONICA: Don't keep all your passwords taped on the bottom of your stapler. And stay cool Mr. C. Veronica grabs the cap's tassle and moves it to the other side with a grin before leaving the stage. Clemmons watches her go with something close to regret. EXT - NHS - DAY. Students and guests alike are milling around outside. Keith ducks between people to reach Veronica. She laughs. Keith pulls an envelope out of his jacket. KEITH: For you on this momentous occasion. Veronica takes the envelope and feels it up and down. She shakes it. She smells it. Keith smiles at her. Veronica jumps up and down with childish glee. VERONICA: A pony? She opens the envelope and pulls out airline tickets. She reads them. VERONICA: New York? KEITH: We leave Tuesday. VERONICA: [with increasing excitement] Broadway, Soho, the MOMA? Keith shakes his head, running down his favoured itinerary. KEITH: Yankee Stadium, Shea Stadium, Madison Square Gardens. Veronica jumps into his arms to hug him. VERONICA: Oh, thank you so much. This is awesome. She lets him go. She slaps him on the arm. VERONICA: Awesome. Now, go catch Woody. I get creeped out just knowing he's out there somewhere. KEITH: All right. You have fun tonight. VERONICA: That's the plan. Keith leaves. Veronica is looking down at the tickets when she is slapped on the ass by Dick, who is wearing a t-shirt that says "Trust me...I'm rich." She looks up, offended. Dick is oblivious. DICK: Put on your dancing shoes, Mars, 'cause tonight... He starts to dance. DICK: We're gonna up chuck the boogie to rhythm of the boogie the beat. VERONICA: Up chuck? Dick points at her. DICK: You heard me. Veronica aims two finger guns at his back. She heads for her car, whipping off her gown. She's still in the black halter neck dress. The LeBaron's top is down and Veronica throws her things into it before climbing in. ALICIA: [offscreen] Veronica! Veronica looks up. Alicia is standing by the other side of the car, holding a note. ALICIA: Do you know about this? VERONICA: I don't. What's wrong? ALICIA: Wallace left this note for me on my windshield. He's booked himself a flight to Paris. He's gonna try to track down Jackie. Veronica sighs. EXT - BROOKLYN, NY - DAY. A wide shot of the bridges between Manhattan and Brooklyn leads to... INT - BROOKLYN DAN'S - DAY. ...a small diner. CUSTOMER: Hey, can I get the check, please? The door opens and a small boy enters, followed by Jackie. CHILD: Mommy, mommy. The child runs forward into the diner, heading for a waitress named Kim who smiles at him. She then looks up at Jackie. KIM: You're ten minutes late. JACKIE: Cut me some slack, Ma. I haven't even been back two days. KIM: Jackie. You ain't in Neptune no more. Terrence Cook vanity camp is over. This is real life. Jackie has taken off her coat. She is also wearing the uniform of a waitress. She drops her coat, not thrilled by her life. A phone rings. Kim answers. KIM: Brooklyn Dan's. She listens for a moment. KIM: Yeah. Hold on. She holds the receiver out for Jackie. KIM: It's for you. JACKIE: Hello? VERONICA: [on phone] What? No bonjour? JACKIE: Veronica? INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING. Veronica is in her bedroom. JACKIE: [on phone] How did you know? VERONICA: Well, first, three point one GPA doesn't scream Sorbonne. INT - BROOKLYN DAN'S - CONTINUING. The camera continues to switch between the locations. VERONICA: And the Java job. You're a might good service industry worker for the daughter of a model living on the Upper West Side... Jackie sighs. She glances over at Kim, who is lifting the little boy onto the counter. VERONICA:...who never held a job before. I've known for a while. JACKIE: Look, I might have lied about my life but I swear, I never lied to Wallace about how I felt. VERONICA: Whatever you told him, it really did the trick because he just got on a plane to Paris. The good news is, he's a four hour layover at JFK, so you can go tell him the truth before... Jackie glances at her mother, who is watching her. VERONICA:...he's forced to endure several ugly days of rude waiters for nothing. EXT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL (NGH) - DAY. The camera pans down the building as a taxi arrives. INT - NGH, RECEPTION - DAY. Logan is collecting his mail. AARON: [offscreen] Hello, Logan. Logan looks up and at his father, before returning his attention to his post. It's fairly clear that he is not happy to see Aaron. LOGAN: What are you doing here? AARON: Well, I need a place to stay. Aaron holds up one of the hotel's brochures. AARON: How are the suites? Logan, having tucked his mail under his arm, grabs some wrapped sweets from the front desk before starting to walk to the elevator. LOGAN: Well, probably an improvement over your previous digs. Logan untwists the wrapper of one of the sweets with his teeth. LOGAN: It might be a little weird though. I don't think any of the other guests killed anyone. Logan continues to concentrate on unwrapping the candy. Aaron keeps pace with him. They reach the lifts and Aaron pushes the button. AARON: You know, you should really make more of an effort to be civil to me now, Logan. Logan throws the wrapper down with great force before responding. LOGAN: Why? Because you beat a murder rap and suddenly you're my father again? He takes a bite of the candy. AARON: No, Logan. I never stopped being your father and I never will. But I got the purse strings back. He pats Logan's shoulder. AARON: You're my dependent again, son. Aaron indicates the lift, the doors of which have just opened. AARON: Going down? LOGAN: No, up. Aaron boards the lift, giving Logan a little wave and a warning look. EXT - QUAIL CREEK LODGE - DAY. A man with a gun heads for a vehicle, the door of which are opened. He gets in and the doors close as the vehicle starts up. INT - QUAIL CREEK LODGE, ROOM - DAY. Inside, Woody, in wife beater, boxers and socks, is lounging in a big leather armchair, watching The Dukes of Hazzard on TV. BO DUKE: [on TV] Marijuana? Sure got ourselves in a heap of trouble this time, cousin. LUKE DUKE: [on TV] You got that right. Boss is gonna throw the book at us, not to mention the federal government. Woody gets up and heads for the bathroom. BO: [on TV] When we break our probation, we sure do a bang up job, then don't we. LUKE: [on TV] We oughta get out of prison about the time we collect social security. Woody stands at the toilet and unzips (??) his boxers. BO: [on TV] Golly, Luke. We gotta get ourselves out of this. He notices with some alarm that the bathroom window is open. Behind him, a figure slides aside the shower curtain and steps into the room. It's Keith. Woody frantically pulls a deer's head down from the wall and throws it at Keith, who sidesteps it easily. Woody heads for the open window and starts to climb out. Keith is on him, planting the taser in the middle of Woody's back. Woody cries out and sinks to the floor. Keith, panting, pulls out his cell. OPERATOR: Information. KEITH: Yeah. Can you put me through to the local sheriff's department? EXT - QUAIL CREEK LODGE - DAY. Woody, now dressed and with his hands cuffed behind his back, is sitting on a patio chair. Keith is just finishing speaking to a deputy. KEITH: Thanks. The deputy walks away and Keith joins Woody, standing by him. KEITH: So you used me. Someone blackmails you and you use me to set up the whole girl-in-a-motel thing. Incorporation dies and your special secrets stay hidden. WOODY: Keith, I know how this must look. KEITH: If you're about to insist this is all some big misunderstanding, Woody, I kinda think you don't. WOODY: I didn't crash the bus. I could never have hurt all those kids. KEITH: I don't know, Woody. The welfare of children doesn't seem to have been terribly high on your list. WOODY: That's not how it was. It wasn't that way at all. Those boys...if you knew their fathers, how they ignored them, mistreated them, they needed someone. I listened to them, I cared about them. KEITH: Woody. Just stop. DEPUTY: [offscreen] Mr. Mars. Keith looks over at the deputy who has returned. DEPUTY: They're ready. KEITH: Thanks. Keith grabs Woody and pulls him to his feet. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. Veronica is looking at the Little League photo again. Her cell rings. She checks the caller ID before answering. She smiles. VERONICA: You caught him. EXT - AIRPORT - CONTINUING. The camera switches between the two of them throughout the call. KEITH: Loading him onto his own plane as we speak. Soon as the pilot gets here, we'll be homeward bound. VERONICA: Did he confess to the crash? KEITH: Unfortunately, he insists that he didn't do it so we're gonna need a lot more evidence to nail him. VERONICA: I'm still trying to find that third kid from the tape. At the airport, a man standing near the plane waves at Keith. VERONICA: I've got everyone on the team identified except one guy. I think I know where to find him though. KEITH: Pilot just got here. I'll be in late, so don't wait up. See you in the morning, honey. They end the call and Keith boards the plane. EXT - WOODY'S HAMBURGERS RESTAURANT - DAY. Veronica climbs out of the LeBaron and heads into the fast food place. INT - WOODY'S HAMBURGERS RESTAURANT - CONTINUING. Veronica enters and walks over to the side where there is a display of Woody's baseball memorabilia. She finds the photo of the Little League Team. This picture is captioned with the names of the players. She finds the boy who is unidentified and runs her finger down to the bottom, ascertaining his name. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Derek Applegate. Who are you and where do you live? Veronica runs her eyes along the caption, finally seeing at the bottom the words "Not Pictured." The name against it is Cassidy Casablancas. Things fall into place and Veronica goes into shock. VERONICA: Oh god. Cut to a little later. Veronica is in the restroom, lifting her head from the sink, panting heavily. She is sweaty and pale as she stares at herself in the mirror. EXT - WOODY'S HAMBURGERS RESTAURANT - DAY. Veronica exits the restaurant, her cell phone to her ear. It is ringing the other end. VERONICA: Pick up, pick up, pick up. INT - NGH, FUNCTION ROOM - CONTINUING. The post-graduation party is already in full swing. Beaver and Mac, happy, smiling and holding hands, walk through the party. Mac's phone is on her hip and she doesn't hear it over the sound of the music (unidentified). EXT - WOODY'S HAMBURGERS RESTAURANT - CONTINUING. Veronica races to her car, listening to Mac's message. MAC: It's Mac. Leave a message. Veronica talks as she climbs into the car. VERONICA: Mac, it's Veronica. You have to get away from Beaver. Do whatever you have to do, but get away from him, he's dangerous. Call me when you hear this. Veronica terminates the call and puts the key in the ignition. She punches in another number. VERONICA: A listing for Hart Hanson? INT - NGH, FUNCTION ROOM - DAY. Another track plays, also unidentified so far. Dick and some others are encouraging Beaver to down a pint of beer while Mac watches. DICK AND THE CROWD: Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug. Beaver finishes it with a flourish. DICK: Oh, that's what I'm talking about. It feels good to be a man from time to time, huh? BEAVER: Yes. They tap forearms. DICK: Enbom, get over here. Dick drifts away. MAC: All I ask is that you don't follow that performance with a belch. BEAVER: Do you want to go check out the room? MAC: It's liquid. It's courage. It's liquid courage. BEAVER: Yeah, well there's, uh, there's nothing up there that I'm afraid of. Mac and Beaver leave the party and head for the lifts through the lobby. Corny spots them. CORNY: Did you hear? Veronica's dad caught the mayor. It's all over the news. They're flying him out tonight on Woody's plane. That sleazoid's gonna fry. Corny relishes his rendition of the effects of an electric chair. INT - NGH, BEAVER'S ROOM - NIGHT. Against the backdrop of activity in the bed, Mac's phone buzzes uselessly on the hotel room's bureau. INT - NGH, FUNCTION ROOM - NIGHT. Veronica enters the party, looking desperately for Mac and Beaver. Another unidentified song is playing. Logan can be heard talking to some people. LOGAN: No way! No way, that's stupid, man, I wouldn't do that-- Veronica grabs his arm and pulls Logan aside. VERONICA: Hey! Have you seen Beaver and Mac. LOGAN: [slightly drunk] Yeah, they were here earlier. Logan sobers up fast when he realises how panicked Veronica is. LOGAN: What's wrong? VERONICA: I think Beaver-- Veronica stops when she realises that Dick has joined them. DICK: What? VERONICA: Where's your brother? DICK: I think he took Ghost World up to his room. They're probably up there making love. Or playing Dungeons and Dragons. Or both, at the same time. Veronica hurries away. Logan stares after her, concerned. Dick, as usual, is oblivious. DICK: They're both, like, twelfth level dorks. I'm just saying. INT - NGH, BEAVER'S ROOM - NIGHT. Beaver is lying in the bed, looking miserable, staring at the ceiling. Mac is lying next to him, looking at him. MAC: Don't worry about it. I'm having a good time and we've got all night, okay? We're cool here. I'm just gonna hop in the shower and then we can head back down to the party. Beaver lets out his breath and turns his head to look at her. INT - NGH, RECEPTION - NIGHT. VERONICA: Can you tell me which room Cassidy Casablancas is in? RECEPTIONIST: I'm sorry, we can't give out that information. I can ring his room if you'd like. VERONICA: Sure. The receptionist taps her keyboard, then smiles apologetically. RECEPTIONIST: I'm sorry. There's a "Do not disturb" on the room. Veronica spins around in frustration. She starts tapping keys on her cell. INT - NGH, BEAVER'S ROOM - NIGHT. Beaver is sitting on the bed, dressed in his jeans, contemplating his failure. Mac's phone buzzes on the bureau. Beaver walks over and picks it up. It shows that the message is from Veronica, the date (June 3, 2006) and the time (8:12). Beaver reads the text message: "Get away from Beaver. Now. He's a killer. I'm in the lobby." Beaver thinks for a moment, puts the phone down and goes to his backpack. He pulls out a gun. INT - GRAND NEPTUNE HOTEL, RECEPTION - NIGHT. Veronica's phone pings. She looks at the message. It's from Mac, whose number is quoted as 1-619-555-0107, timed at 8:15 pm and received at 8:21pm, and reads: "Meet me on the roof now." Veronica hurries to the elevator, getting on while trying to dial out. As the lift doors close, she loses the signal. VERONICA: Damn it! AARON: [offscreen] Hello, Veronica. Veronica's head jerks up. She is alone in the lift with Aaron. He is holding a bottle of brandy and two brandy glasses. AARON: Well, don't look so surprised. It's a small town. Now that I'm no longer in jail, we might just run into each other from time to time. VERONICA: I'll have to pay better attention to where I'm going then. AARON: Well, it's a free country. Those founding fathers were really onto something. He walks closer to her. AARON: Freedom, it's pretty damn sweet. I like it. VERONICA: So did Lilly. Bummer you murdered her. AARON: You know, I can see why the two of you were such good friends. You're so much alike. You're not afraid to speak your minds. You know, that just might be the best part about the day I smashed her head in with an ashtray... He looms even closer. AARON: ...knowing that once and for all, she would finally shut the hell up. The elevator arrives at its first destination. AARON: Well, have a nice night, Veronica. Aaron exits, leaving Veronica shaking. EXT - NGH, ROOF - NIGHT. Veronica strides onto the roof, looking around. VERONICA: Mac? BEAVER: [offscreen] Hey, Veronica. [SCENE_BREAK] Veronica freezes. She turns around to see Beaver standing behind her, pointing the gun at her. VERONICA: Where's Mac? BEAVER: A better place. Unfortunately, she never got a chance to read your message. Now, throw me your bag. Veronica hesitates, shaking her head. BEAVER: [shouting angrily] I said throw me your bag. Veronica holds up one hand to placate him. With the other, she slides the strap of her bag off her shoulder and throws the bag towards him. Beaver picks it up, taking the taser out of it. He tosses it aside. He then pulls Mac's cell out of his pocket. He holds it up. BEAVER: So "Beaver's a killer." It's a pretty serious accusation. What exactly do you think you know? VERONICA: You played for Woody's Little League team with Marcos and Peter. He molested all three of you. They wanted to come forward. FLASHBACK: INT - NHS, CLASSROOM - DAY. In the language lab, Peter and Marcos speak urgently to Beaver, who is wearing an earpiece attached to a computer teaching him French. PETER: A couple of the Sharks had to know about it. They'll come forward. Things like this don't stay secret. MARCOS: Damn right. BEAVER: Yeah, but, I mean, do you guys really want people to know about it? PETER: He's a pervert. The computer, designed to record Beaver's attempts at French, is recording the conversation. PETER: He's sick and what he did to us is wrong. BEAVER: Look, please don't drag me into this. MARCOS: You're already in it. You'll thank us later. Peter throws Marcos a glance as Marcos gets up from the desk. Peter follows. Beaver looks at him, pleading. VERONICA: [offscreen] Peter and Marcos were going to spill. END FLASHBACK. EXT - NGH, ROOF - CONTINUING. VERONICA: That's why they had to die. My guess? You got the explosives from Curly Moran. FLASHBACK: EXT - NHS, CAR PARK - DAY. Veronica sees Beaver and Hart at his vandalised car in 221 "Happy Go Lucky." VERONICA: [offscreen] I saw you with that sophomore, Hart Hanson, last week. Hart says you worked on his war movies with him. That you were in charge of blowing things up. END FLASHBACK. EXT - NGH, ROOF - CONTINUING. VERONICA: He said you knew a guy who taught you how to do it, your dad's mechanic, former stunt coordinator, Curly Moran, right? FLASHBACK: EXT - PACIFIC COAST HIGHWAY - DAY. The bus travels along the road by the sea. The limo is just behind it. DICK: [offscreen] Admit it, man. You're way happier in the limo than sitting on a bus getting eye daggers... FLASHBACK: INT - LIMO - CONTINUING. Dick and Duncan are in the seats immediately behind the partition between the driver and the rest of the vehicle, facing the back of the limo. DICK:...in the back from Meg. DUNCAN: I'd of been happier if you hadn't had that chilli dog. Two girls, in the seat along the side of the limo, giggle. Beaver is sitting in the back seat, facing the same direction as the driver. He can see the bus ahead. He has his cell in his hand. He watches carefully and then presses a button. There's the sound of an explosion. END FLASHBACK. EXT - NGH, ROOF - CONTINUING. VERONICA: Curly told Weevil that he knew who blew up the bus. He figured it out, didn't he? Beaver just smiles. VERONICA: That's why you needed him gone. You know Cervando's been bragging about hustling Liam Fitzpatrick, so you convince the PCHers that Curly blew up the bus. FLASHBACK: EXT - ROAD HOG - NIGHT. Music: "Strangehold" by Ted Nugent. LYRICS: Here I come again now baby Like a dog in heat Tell it's me by the way now baby I like to tap the streets Now I've been smoking for so long You know I'm here to stay Got you in a stranglehold baby You best get out of the way Weevil is kicking Curly, who is on the ground. One of the bikers starts to walk towards the car. PCH-ER: Yo. Beaver sees him and rushes to turn on the car's lights and ignition. This alerts the bikers, who scatter. THUMPER: Come on, man, let's go. VERONICA: [offscreen] But you have to finish the job. Curly is just getting to his feet. Beaver speeds the car straight into him. Curly's scream is cut short by the thud of the car hitting him. Curly's body is thrown up onto the bonnet. Beaver climbs out of the car and walks closer to Curly. VERONICA: [offscreen] You wanted to focus any investigation in a new direction. You knew I was a key witness in the Aaron Echolls trial, so... Beaver pulls a pen out of his pocket and writes "Veronica Mars" on Curly's hand. VERONICA: [offscreen] Convenient, wasn't it? Cut to a little later, as the car, with Curly still on the bonnet, speeds forward to the cliff's edge. VERONICA: [offscreen] The Road Hog's cliff side location? Easy to dump the body. The car brakes just before the edge and Curly's body flies off, over the cliff. End music: "Stranglehold" by Ted Nugent. END FLASHBACK. EXT - NGH, ROOF - CONTINUING. VERONICA: You didn't hire me to catch Kendall cheating on your dad, did you? You knew what he was up to and you wanted to punish him for the way he treated you. You used me to do it. BEAVER: And you were marvellous. VERONICA: [voice breaking] Now let me ask you something. How is it I got Chlamydia? Beaver raises an eyebrow. VERONICA: Woody was treated for it. I ended up with it. Shelly Pomroy's party, sophomore year. You said Dick pushed you into a room with me after I'd been roofied. But you didn't run out like you said you did, did you? Nope. You wanted to prove you were a man. FLASHBACK: INT - POMROY RESIDENCE - NIGHT. Veronica is unconscious on the bed. Beaver is sitting next to her, looking down on her. VERONICA: [offscreen] It helped that I was unconscious, didn't it? Easy to imagine whatever it is you needed to imagine. Beaver unfastens his belt. END FLASHBACK. EXT - NGH, ROOF - CONTINUING. Beaver laughs. VERONICA: [emotionally] You raped me! BEAVER: And Dick still thinks I'm a virgin. You see, I know how to keep a secret. VERONICA: That's what this was all about, isn't it. Keeping your secret? Well, it's over, it's out, I know. BEAVER: Yeah, but I've a pretty good feeling that you won't be telling anybody. VERONICA: I already did. I told my dad. He knows. BEAVER: That's, uh, that's too bad. He's on Woody's plane with him, right, right now on his way back? See, because I have no more use for Woody. You heard about the bomb in Woody's car, right? Yeah, 'cause there's one on his plane and all I have to do is dial. Veronica is horrified. Beaver laughs. BEAVER: You wanna call your dad? Say goodbye before I press send, go ahead. I'll give you a minute. VERONICA: [close to tears] Cassidy. No, you're not serious. BEAVER: Fifty-six, fifty-five, tick-tock. Veronica dials her cell frantically. The phone rings. Veronica starts to cry. VERONICA: Pick up. Please pick up. There's no answer and Veronica is beside herself. VERONICA: [whimpering] Daddy. BEAVER: Oh well. On a phone now giving the time as 12:21am, Beaver pushes send to 555 0107. (Faux pas as that was showing up as Mac's number on Veronica's phone.) Behind Veronica's head, in the sky, there is an explosion and a fireball. BEAVER: What do you know? Veronica twists around and stares in shock, sobbing. She sinks down to her hands and knees. Beaver walks towards her and crouches down next to her on her left. BEAVER: Yeah, sorry about that. I know this might be a, uh, a real bad time to ask for a favour. How would you feel, now that you've got nothing left to live for, about just rolling yourself off? Unseen by Beaver, Veronica is punching the keyboard of her cell with her right hand. BEAVER: I just, I really don't want your DNA all over my shirt. INT - NGR, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - CONTINUING. Logan is back in his room, considering the contents of the small refrigerator. His cell sounds. He takes it out of his pocket and looks at the caller ID. It's the 8:21 message Veronica received from Mac's phone: "Meet me on the roof now." No name comes up on Logan's cell, although it is shown to be from 619-555-0123. Logan looks at the message and then up towards the ceiling. EXT - NGR, ROOF - CONTINUING. Beaver looks at the taser in his hand with interest. Veronica is still on her knees. BEAVER: You sure like this thing. You ever wonder what it feels like to the people you actually taser? Let's give it a whirl, what do you say? Beaver jabs the taser at Veronica's arm. She jerks, pulls her arm away and holds it to her body in pain. BEAVER: You know what I was just thinking? We're Neptune Pirates, right? And this is like I'm making you walk the plank except instead of jabbing you with a sword, I'm sending three hundred thousand volts through you. Now jump. He jabs her with it in the arm again. Veronica falls forward and rolls onto her back. VERONICA: Please, don't. Beaver stands and backs away from her, pointing the gun at her. BEAVER: You couldn't do this the easy way? You know Aaron Echolls is staying here. What do you want to bet that I can get him convicted for the death of this teenage girl. A voice rings out from behind Beaver. LOGAN: [offscreen] No! Beaver swings around and sees Logan standing behind him, some distance away. Beaver takes aim and fires. The shot misses Logan, ricocheting off a metal grill next to him. Logan dives to his left, behind a raised part of the roof. Beaver walks towards him. Logan pokes his head up and Beaver fires the gun again, just missing Logan as he ducks his head down. Veronica leaps on Beaver's back and tackles him to the ground, trying to grab the gun. He pushes her off, keeping hold of the gun, and gets to his feet only to be tackled from the other direction by Logan. Beaver loses hold of the gun which slides away. He and Logan grapple until Beaver uses the taser, causing Logan to release him. Beaver starts to rise but is startled when Veronica shoots into the sky. She brings the gun level at Logan and Beaver. VERONICA: Logan, move away from him. Logan gets to his feet, as does Beaver. LOGAN: Veronica, don't. VERONICA: [crying] He killed my father! Logan starts to move slowly towards her. LOGAN: Now give me the gun, Veronica. VERONICA: He killed everyone on the bus! He raped me! Music: "See My Friends" by Gravenhurst. LYRICS: See my friends See my friends Laying across the river See my friends See my friends Laying across the river She is gone She is gone and now there's no one left Except my friends Laying across the river She just went Logan looks back at Beaver in shock before returning his attention to Veronica, inching closer. LOGAN: Look, you are not a killer, Veronica. Give me the gun. His hand is nearly on the gun. Beaver just watches. Veronica cries hard. LOGAN: You're not a killer, Veronica. Give me the gun. She finally drops her arms, letting him take the gun. He wraps his arms around her as she sobs. He rocks her, glancing at Beaver who has made his way to the edge of the roof. He looks down. Logan buries his face in Veronica's hair, comforting her. He looks up again, just in time to see Beaver hoist himself over the low wall on the edge of the roof. Logan lets go of Veronica and strides a few steps forward. LOGAN: Beaver, don't! Beaver turns around to face them. BEAVER: [passionately] My name is Cassidy. LOGAN: Cassidy, don't. BEAVER: Why not? Veronica says nothing. Logan struggles and can't find anything to say either. BEAVER: That's what I thought. Beaver takes a step back and off the roof. There's a crash and the sounds of a squeal of brakes and a horn. Logan stares in horror at the space where Beaver was. Veronica walks forward and back into Logan's arms. He enfolds her and groans. Veronica suddenly remembers. VERONICA: Mac? INT - NGH, BEAVER'S ROOM - NIGHT. The door opens and Veronica races in, followed by Logan and a hotel employee. VERONICA: Mac? All the bedding has gone. Veronica sees Mac crouched down by the side of the bed, wrapped in a shower curtain. She is distraught. Veronica gives a gasp of relief and crouches down in front of Mac. MAC: He took my clothes. He took everything. Why? Veronica, still in tears herself, leans forward to hug her. End music: "See My Friends" by Gravenhurst. INT - NGH, AARON'S ROOM - NIGHT. The brandy looks to be untouched. AARON: Oh. My. God. Aaron is lying naked on the couch. Kendall's head comes into view, sliding its way up his body. Aaron and she laugh. AARON: Oh. Have I told you how much I love freedom. KENDALL: I like it too. They rub noses. KENDALL: And any more freedoming tonight, and I'm gonna need a wheelchair. She smiles and slips off his body. Aaron wipes his mouth and sits up. He watches her walk around the couch, heading for the bathroom. As the shower starts up, Aaron pulls a cigar from the table and takes great pleasure in lighting it. He grabs the remote and flicks through some channels until he finds an old movie starring himself, dressed as a Gestapo officer, riding a motorbike. AARON: Well, well, well. Who's that handsome fellow? Now with a glass of brandy, Aaron sits back to enjoy himself. He doesn't see the silencer of the gun pointed directly at his head behind him. Two shots fire from the gun and the screen is splattered with blood. The assassin is Clarence Wiedman. He turns and walks out of the room. EXT - MOLLYMOOK, AUSTRALIA, BEACH - DAY. Duncan is building a sand castle for baby Lilly. His cell rings. DUNCAN: CW? INT - NGH, HALLWAY - NIGHT. WIEDMAN: It's a done deal. Wiedman terminates the call. He walks on after tearing a strip of tape from the lens of the hotel's security camera. EXT - MOLLYMOOK, BEACH - CONTINUING. Duncan lets his hand with the phone drop, contemplative and regretful. Lilly gurgles. Duncan looks at her and smiles. INT - JKF INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, NY. Wallace is checking the screens. He turns and Jackie is there. JACKIE: Hey, Wallace. Wallace grins and holds out his arms. They hug. WALLACE: What are you doing here? You headin' to Paris? What a coincidence, me too. JACKIE: I'm not going to Paris. She holds up her ticket. JACKIE: This is for the Philly shuttle. The cheapest ticket I could get to bypass security. I need to tell you some things, Wallace. I never lived on the Upper West Side. My mom isn't a model. She's a waitress who had a one night stand with Terrence eighteen years ago. I'm just another kid from Brooklyn who got screwed up on drugs and booze and all the wrong friends, but by the time I was a sophomore-- WALLACE: The past really doesn't matter to me. JACKIE: I have a son, Wallace. He's two. When he was born, my mom contacted my dad and made a deal: I'd go to California and try to start over and she'd raise my baby. When my dad just dropped me from his life, I realised that I was being a hypocrite. Here I was torn up that I wasn't the centre of my dad's universe when my mom was raising my kid three thousand miles away. I can't be that person, Wallace. I had to come back. And I have to stay. And your life is in Neptune and you have to go. Wallace is gutted. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT. In a parallel Pieta shot to the one in 201 "Normal Is the Watchword," Veronica is lying across Logan's lap as he sits on the couch. They are both asleep. DREAM: EXT - SOMEWHERE - DAY. Veronica, aged about four, is sitting on a blanket on the grass, giggling. She is being entertained by a puppet show, with Keith the puppet master of two sock puppets. KEITH: You're stinky. No, you're stinky. No, you're stinky. Keith pops his head out from between the curtains. KEITH: I mean stinky. We're both stinky. You're stinky. Honk, honk. Keith suddenly gets excited. KEITH: Honey, do you smell that? Do you know what that is? YOUNG VERONICA: I smell bacon. END DREAM. INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY. Now in her own bed but still fully dressed, Veronica jerks awake and gasps. She races into the lounge. VERONICA: Dad! She stops when she sees that it is Logan cooking breakfast. He looks over at her as her hopeful face crumples. He takes her in his arms and holds her close. She cries. LOGAN: Here. I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Behind her, a figure appears. KEITH: Is that breakfast I smell? In disbelief, Veronica tears herself out of Logan's arms and runs to her father, jumping to hug him around the neck. Keith is surprised but his arms come out to hold her. VERONICA: You're alive? Oh, I thought you were dead. She pulls back to look at him, although she doesn't let him go. VERONICA: I love you so much. KEITH: Oh, honey, what's wrong? I don't understand. VERONICA: Woody's plane. Cassidy Casablancas blew it up. Keith realises the significance and pulls her into him in a tight hug. KEITH: Holy... I wasn't on the plane. Logan watches them together. KEITH: Lamb didn't want me arriving with Woody getting met by the press so he had them take me off the plane at the last minute. I rented a car, I drove home. He pulls back a little to look down at her. KEITH: I was a little surprised to find, you know, Logan on the couch, but it was better than finding him elsewhere, right? He grins and they both look over towards Logan, only to see the door closing behind him. KEITH: Now what were you saying about the Casablancas boy? Veronica sighs. INT - LEE'S OFFICE - DAY. LEE: It's most likely going to be ruled a suicide, so insurance-wise, that's going to be a wash. Kendall is sitting on the other side of his desk. Lee picks up a folder and flips through it. LEE: The cops found these in Cassidy's room, however, Phoenix Land Trust. It's all in your name. I-I assumed, uh... KENDALL: Right. Phoenix, the real estate thing. How am I doing these days? The lawyer chuckles. LEE: Eight million and change. Kendall does a double take. LEE: Tell him I said nice going. He hands her a sheet from the file. KENDALL: Him? LEE: Betting against incorporation? Ballsy. Feels like a Richard Casablancas move to me. Kendall beams. INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY. Veronica is at her desk, peering closely at a brochure. Keith, in summer holiday shirt, shuffles over to her desk from his office. KEITH: I can feel it already. The little town blues are melting away. You all packed? VERONICA: Vagabond shoes and all. And pepper spray, for if we run into that Trump character. KEITH: You sure you don't want to drive with the old man? VERONICA: Logan's giving me a ride. We're supposed to... Veronica makes a small air quote. Talk. KEITH: How'd he take, um...what happened. VERONICA: Shrugs it off. Calls himself Little Orphan Annie...which I think means badly. She checks her watch. VERONICA: I should go out front. KEITH: I should get my autograph book. Carol Channing's still alive, isn't she? Having come round to her chair, he kisses the top of her head. VERONICA: Mm. KEITH: I'll see you at the gate. Keith goes back into his office and Veronica starts to collect things at her desk. LOGAN: [offscreen] So? Music: "Time Flies Tomorrow" by Paul Westerberg. LYRICS: Your heart sings a feeling It don't ache but baby its gonna Swing from the ceiling Break like a pinata Break like a whitecap In the sand you shiver With eyes like two hubcaps At the bottom of the river Time flies tomorrow Time flies tomorrow But it ain't made a move yet Time flies tomorrow And tomorrow will make a day since we've met Veronica looks up. Logan is at the main door of the office. He picks up her carry-on bag which is stacked with her suitcase at the entrance, jiggles it and grins. Veronica smiles. Cut to moments later. Veronica walks out into the small hallway outside the door to Mars Investigations, checking her bag as she goes. Logan, carrying her luggage, glances towards Keith's office, then pulls the main office door closed. He drops the luggage and catches Veronica with a kiss, holding her and spinning them along the wall. She gasps and hangs on, kissing back. VERONICA: What are you doing? He halts their progress with Veronica's back against the wall. LOGAN: I'm not gonna see you for a whole week. That's like a month. She laughs. VERONICA: Yeah, but then I'll be back and everything will be fine. LOGAN: Yeah. Logan sighs and kisses her neck and then her cheek. LOGAN: Mm, you say that but I don't know. VERONICA: I know. I can feel it. LOGAN: And you're never wrong. Veronica shakes her head. LOGAN: Yeah? Veronica giggles but any further response is interrupted by the turning on of the hall light. KENDALL: [offscreen] Aw, young love. Veronica glares at Kendall. Logan just smirks. KENDALL: No, no. Hold that position. Norman Rockwell wants to come in and paint you two. Did he pin on his pin or was he too shy? VERONICA: Why are you here? LOGAN: Yeah, I didn't know you could come out during daylight hours. Haughtily, Kendall proceeds to the office, passing them. KENDALL: I have a business proposition for your father. VERONICA: Okay, but I'm warning you, he doesn't carry much cash. Kendall appears in Keith's office. KENDALL: I need you to do something for me. KEITH: Well, I'll be back in a week and at that time, I will be happy t-- Keith reaches for his jacket. Kendall puts her briefcase on his desk. KENDALL: I need it right now. KEITH: Sorry, Mrs. Casablancas, but I'm meeting my daughter in an hour. KENDALL: I think you'll change your mind. Kendall opens the briefcase. Keith looks down at the contents. KEITH: Oh. KENDALL: Like I said, it's important. Keith stares at her. INT - AIRPORT - DAY. Veronica is waiting. Behind her, a board shows that her flight is boarding. Concerned, she pulls out her cell phone. It gives the date and time (June 6, 9:12am) but shows that it is getting no signal. She looks out, getting more and more anxious and looking lonelier and lonelier as the camera pulls back. End.

It is Graduation Day for Veronica and her classmates, but Sheriff Lamb arrests Weevil during the ceremony for his involvement in Thumper's murder. Veronica continues to seek Woody's third victim, who she identifies as the bus bomber and a Neptune High student. Keith searches for Woody himself with the help of Vinnie Van Lowe. Aaron is assassinated by Clarence Wiedman, on orders from Duncan, who is shown relaxing on a beach in Australia. Veronica and Logan resume their romantic relationship.

fd_The_Office_03x16

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Jim: Damn, lost another file. Going to have to reboot. Again. [Windows reboot sound] Hey, Dwight, do you want an Altoid? Dwight: What do you think? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: In school, we learned about this scientist who trained dogs to salivate at the sound of a bell by feeding them whenever a bell rang. For the last couple of weeks I've been conducting a similar experiment. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [Windows reboot sound] Dwight, want an Altoid? Dwight: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [Windows reboot sound] Altoid? Dwight: Sure [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [Windows reboot sound] Mint Dwight? Dwight: Inbwit? Yes. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [Windows reboot sound] [Dwight holds out his hand, sighs] Jim: What are you doing? Dwight: I... Jim: What? Dwight: I don't know. My mouth tastes so bad all of a sudden. [nasty, dry mouth-smaking noise] [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Always the bridesmaids, right ladies? Photographer: Okay, for this next one everyone hop out. Just Phyllis and Dad. Actually, let's bring Mom back in. And the sisters. And you, and you, and you. Great. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Phyllis is getting married. And I am in the wedding party. She has asked me to push her father's wheelchair down the aisle. So, basically, I am co-giving away the bride. Since I pay her salary it is like I'm paying for the wedding. Which I'm happy to do. It's a big day for Phyllis. But it's an even bigger day for me. Employer of the bride. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: Yes, I put Michael in my wedding. It was the only way I could think to get six weeks off for my honeymoon. No one else has ever gotten six weeks before. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Phyllis... ended up using the exact same invitations as Roy and me. So it was kind of like being invited to my own wedding. And I was like 'Wait, thought I called that off'. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: So what's in the box? Stanley: A toaster, you? Karen: A toaster. Stanley: Unbelievable. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Hello, Angela. Angela: Hi, Dwight. Dwight: You look as beautiful as the Queen of England. Angela: Thank you. Don't linger. Break left. Left! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: The Shrutes have their own traditions. We usually marry standing in our own graves. Makes the funerals very romantic, but the weddings are a bleak affair. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Those flowers are nice. Karen: Yeah. P and R? Jim: Phyllis and Robert. Karen: Ah, of course. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Also, Pam and Roy. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: There she is. I swear Phyllis you are as beautiful as the first day you started work at Dunder Mifflin. Phyllis: Thanks, Michael. That's sweet. Same as when you said it outside. Michael: How you doin'? You excited. Phyllis: Yes, very. Michael: Me, too. If you need to vomit, that is ok. I did. Do you want to talk about tonight? Phyllis: No. Michael: You're probably worried about pleasing Bob. A lot of pressure. Phyllis, did you break wind? It's okay, if you did. It's a very natural reaction. It's your wedding. And you're nervous... Phyllis: That wasn't me. Michael: Okay... umm... I'm sure that Bob... Wow. That is... that is pungent. I lost my train of thought. Aaah... Are you set on that hairstyle? Phyllis: I thought it was... Michael: Here, let me... Phyllis: Michael... No. Michael: Just cover up that bald patch. Phyllis: I don't need your... thank you. No, Michael please... I just need some time alone. Michael: Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: You might be surprised to learn that I've only been to one other wedding. It's actually a very cute story. My Mom was marrying Jeff. And they asked me to be ring bearer. I was understandably emotional and somehow my pants became wet. Michael: [in video of Michael as a kid] I hate you! Michael: Long story short: Jeff's dog ended up as ring bearer. And the irony is that after the ceremony that dog peed on everything and nobody said 'boo'. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Why are all these people here? There are too many people on this Earth. We need a new plague. Who are all these people? Jim: You know what? I bet a lot of them are wedding crashers. Dwight: No way. Jim: Did you ever see that movie? Dwight: Of course I saw it. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theatre. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theatre, but I kept waiting. That's the thing about bear attacks, they come when you least expect it. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: You know I just wish, I wish, I had the investigative powers to smoke some of these guys out. Dwight: Once again, Jim, I will take care of this. I will locate the wedding crashers and report them to Phyllis. That way I won't have to get her a gift. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [to Toby's date] Hi. I'm Kevin. [to Toby] Where did you find her? Toby: At the gym. Kevin: Riiight. The gym. [snickers] [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: Could you scoot over? You're on my dress. Meredith: I thought you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding. Kelly: I know but there was an emergency. [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: I look really good in white. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: This strappy young lad sitting here is Phyllis' father, Albert, and he is quite the ladies' man, aren't you Albert, hah? Ah, ringbearer. I could have done better. I will do better. I am going to be better. I can't believe I'm actually doing this! Ooh! Are you ready for this, Albert? I am. Let's do it. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: That's my dress. Michael: [whispers to father] That's ok. [Albert gets out of his wheelchair and starts walking] Dwight: It's a miracle. Crowd: [generalized clapping] Michael: This is bull****! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Me walking Phyllis down the aisle was supposed to be the highlight of the wedding. And now... the wedding has no highlight. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I can't believe I pushed that... that guy's lazy ass around all day... until he was ready to stand up and steal the show. That's... well... I got news for you, Albert. If that's your real name. The show's not over. [SCENE_BREAK] Priest: And do you, Phyllis, take Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration, to be your lawfully wedded husband? Phyllis: I do. Michael: Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you for the first time as a couple, Mr. and Mrs. Bob Vance! Priest: And do you, Bob... Michael: Oh, shiii... Priest: ... take Phyllis to be your lawfully wedded wife Bob Vance: I do. Priest: You may now kiss the bride. Michael: Ladies and Gentleman, for the first time as a couple, Mr. and Mrs. Bob Vance. [generalized clapping and cheering] Yeah! That's what I'm talking about! [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Congratulations, Phyllis. You look lovely. Your dress is very white. So white, my eyes are burning. Phyllis: Thanks Angela. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Congratulations, Bob. You're a good man. But just know... if you ever lay a finger on Phyllis, I will kill you. Bob Vance: If you ever lay I finger on Phyllis, I'll kill you. Michael: Agreed. No fingers will be laid on Phyllis. [to Albert] Oh, decided to sit down again, huh? Great. Bet you can hear me, too. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Best of luck, Phyllis. Also I'm going to need to see a copy of the guest manifest as well as photographs of the caterers. Phyllis: I don't have that, Dwight. Dwight: Dammit, Phyllis! [SCENE_BREAK] Kelly: Are you all right? This must be so awful for you. Pam: What do you mean? Kelly: Well... this was supposed to be your wedding. Pam: Oh... um... no. That's... um... That's actually fine Kelly: There's no way it's fine. I'm sorry. If I was you, I would just like freak out and get really drunk and then tell someone I was pregnant. Pam: Okay, that's a lot of good ideas. Thanks [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: 'Scuse me, sir. How do you know the happy couple? Uncle Al: Who? Dwight: The bride and groom? What are their names? Uncle Al: Oh, I... I don't... I'm not sure. Dwight: Oh I get it, I get it, come on, freeloader. Let's move it. Come on. Come on. Uncle Al: Okay, Okay. Where are we going? Dwight: Got to find yourself another wedding to crash, my friend. Uncle Al: Oh! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Phyllis! Are you happy with everything? What can I do to make it more perfecter? Phyllis: It's beautiful. Why don't you find your seat. Enjoy the buffet. Michael: I'm already on it. The chicken? Totally undercooked. I sent it back. Phyllis: It's fish. Michael: I will take care of that. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I do. I know a fair amount about fine food... and drink. This is a white. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: No this is not our first wedding. This is the THIRD wedding that Scrantonicity has played. We also played our bassist's wedding and our guitarist's wedding. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Attention, everyone. Attention, please. I am supposed to ask if anyone has seen Uncle Al. He is old and has brown eyes and dementia. His family is very concerned. It is a very serious situation. [sings] Roxanne. You don't have to put on your red light. [SCENE_BREAK] Roy: Hey. Pam: Hey. Roy: I know I normally don't notice these kind of things but uh... This wedding's really nice! I mean, the flowers and stuff? Phyllis has got some great taste. Pam: You're kidding me, right? Roy: I know you're probably not going to remember this, right? But um... Those color roses? I got you those color roses for our prom. Pam: Roy, I picked those flowers. Phyllis just stole all of my ideas for our wedding. Roy: I uh guess I wasn't really too involved in the planning. Pam: Yeah. Roy: Sorry about that. Pam: It's okay. Roy: You think this sucks for you? I was the one who actually wanted to get married. [SCENE_BREAK] Randy: Phyllis, you're a wonderful woman. And you're a hell of a bowler! Crowd: [cheering and clapping] Unknown: She is. Randy: Cheers. Crowd: Cheers. Michael: Thank you, Randy. That was great. Thank you. Thank you very much. Hi, I'm Michael Scott and for the next forty minutes, I'm going to be your tour guide through the lives of Phyllis Lapin and Bob Vance. One of the great, seemingly impossible, love stories of our time. My name is Michael Scott. Webster's Dictionary defines "wedding" as the fusing of two metals with a hot torch. Well, you know something. I think you guys are two metals. Gold medals. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Michael Scott, Phyllis' boss. To quote from The Princess Bride "Mawige... [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: The most important part of a speech is the opening line. When time is not a factor, I like to try out three or four different ones. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Phyllis and Bob: their celebrity couple name would be Phlob. You look at her... and she's kind of matronly today, but back in High School, I swear, her nickname was 'Easy Rider'. Now as for Bob... Bob Vance... Bob Vance: Oh okay. That's enough. Michael: is a guy that... Bob Vance: Thanks, Michael. Give me... Michael: he works... Okay hold, hold on, hold on. Look. Look. I didn't say anything when Phyllis' dad upstaged me at the ceremony. And I think you owe me this. Kay. Bob Vance: Give me the microphone. Michael: No. I'm not going to... Bob Vance: Give me... Give me the microphone, Michael. Michael: Ok. All right. Bob Vance: You're out of here! Michael: Oh. Yeah. You're out of here! You're... Yeah. I hate you! [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey. Pam: Hey! Jim: When are we going to get to see some of those famous Beesly dance moves? Pam: Oh... I'm pacing myself. Jim: Come on. Get out there. Give the people what they want. Pam: No. I'm such a dorky dancer. Jim: I know. It's very cute. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hypothetically, if I thought Pam was interested, then... No, it's totally hypothetical. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Come... Come on! Dwight: I can't let you in, Michael. Michael: Dwight, just... Dwight: No, it's Bob and Phyllis' orders. Michael: Look, I just wanted to go in and quietly sit and have a piece of cake. I'm not even going to dance one song. Dwight: You are a real life wedding crasher and I must bounce you. I'm sorry, it gives me no pleasure. Michael: OK. [SCENE_BREAK] Roy: Hey, they're playing our song. Pam: Yeah, that's weird. I thought they only played the Police. Roy: I know. Uh... I gave them twenty bucks. You want to dance? [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: [sings] ee... I was meant for you... buppity du bom bu. [SCENE_BREAK] Roy: [to Pam] Hey, want to get out of here? [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Here's a 'not hypothetical'. I'm really happy I'm with Karen. [SCENE_BREAK] Karen: [sings] Every little thing she does is magic. Every little thing she do just turns me on. Even though my life before was tragic. Now I know my love for her goes on. Every... [SCENE_BREAK] Women: One... Two... Three. Ahhhh! [Phyllis throws the flowers, Ryan knocks them out of Kelly's hands, Toby's date gets them] [SCENE_BREAK] Toby: Toby! Yeah! [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: I just want Phyllis to have a great day. Uncle Al: Phyllis and you will be great together. Michael: We are great together. We are a great team. Uncle Al: The Celtics were a great team. Michael: Yes. Yes. They were. Robert Parrish! I should talk to her. I don't want this to ruin her honeymoon. Uncle Al: Nobody ever helped me. I had to do it myself. Even the doctor didn't know! Michael: Dude, keep it together. I listened to you for half an hour even though most of that stuff went right over my head. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Phyllis. Phyllis! Wait! Please. I'm sorry. I just... I just wanted to make this a day to remember. Phyllis: You found Uncle Al! Michael: Yeah. Yeah. He's kind of a weirdo. Phyllis: Thank you, Michael. Michael: You're... You're welcome. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that your lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say that's crazy. I say let them eat cake. Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad. [SCENE_BREAK] Michael: Be careful. Oh no!! [Phyllis and Bob smear cake on each other's face] Oh wow! Phyllis! Phyllis! You look like a clown! Here. Get me! Get me! [Michael smears cake on his own face]

Phyllis lets Michael be a part of her wedding in return for allowing her to take extra time off work for her honeymoon. Michael attempts to dominate the festivities, and acts as the host of their reception. Pam is incredulous to see Phyllis has used most of the plans for her own cancelled wedding with Roy. Feeling lonely, she approaches Roy and strikes up conversation, and they leave the wedding together.

fd_Doctor_Who_06x03

fd_Doctor_Who_06x03_0

EXT, SEA, NIGHT A group of four pirates row the long boat back to their ship through still waters through dense fog. The ship is still as there is not enough wind to fill the sails though a small breeze blows the array of charms hanging like chimes. EXT. SHIP'S DECK, NIGHT The pirates climb aboard and are greeted by another. PIRATE 1: What's wrong? PIRATE 2: Man wounded. Stunned, PIRATE 1 looks at the wounded man even as he points to the aft of the ship. PIRATE 1: Wake him. PIRATE 2 leaves. INT. SHIP, CAPTAIN'S CABIN, NIGHT We see gold and jewels spilling over chests. The pirates are there, waiting on the CAPTAIN'S decision. PIRATE 1: He slipped in the bilge water, Cap'n, and fell on to the rigger. His hand... I don't know if he'll survive. The CAPTAIN turns around and looks at the WOUNDED MAN'S hand. There is a small scratch on his finger. CAPTAIN: You're a dead man, McGrath. The CAPTAIN turns over McGRATH'S hand to reveal a black spot on his palm. CAPTAIN: Same as all the others. A hypnotic woman's voice can be heard singing. CAPTAIN: She's here. PIRATE 1: Oh, save our souls. McGRATH: I've got to escape! (runs from the cabin) PIRATE 1: Don't go out there! McGrath! Don't listen for God's sake. The siren is a-calling. EXT. SHIP'S DECK, NIGHT McGRATH runs onto the deck, tripping on coiled rope. INT. SHIP, CAPTAIN'S CABIN, NIGHT The CAPTAIN locks the cabin door. He then takes a pendant from his neck and wraps the leather strap around the door handles. On one side of the pendant is a carved relief of a mermaid. EXT. SHIP'S DECK, NIGHT McGRATH holds his knife in one hand, ready to strike. He uses his other hand to try and block out the singing. INT. SHIP, CAPTAIN'S CABIN, NIGHT The others hear his scream as the pendant slowly swings at the lock. EXT. SHIP'S DECK, NIGHT The other pirates come out on deck. There is no sign of McGrath, only his pistol. CAPTAIN: (picks up pistol) Same as all the others. No sign of a struggle. No bones or blood. PIRATE 1: We're shark bait, every single one of us. Stuck on the ocean, waiting until the wind changes. There is a banging from one of the hatches. CAPTAIN: What's that? PIRATE 1: The creature, it's returned. The pirates approach cautiously, the CAPTAIN aims the pistol. The hatch bursts open to reveal the DOCTOR, RORY and AMY. DOCTOR: Yo ho ho! Or does nobody actually say that? [SCENE_BREAK] Matt Smith Karen Gillan Arthur Darvil "The Curse of the Black Spot" by Steve Thompson Producer Marcus Wilson Director Jeremy Webb [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SHIP, HOLD, NIGHT The TARDIS rests among the storage. INT. SHIP, CAPTAIN'S CABIN, NIGHT The CAPTAIN is questioning the presence of strangers on his ship. CAPTAIN: We made no signal. DOCTOR: Our sensors picked you up. Ship in distress. CAPTAIN: Sensors? DOCTOR: Yes. OK. Problem word. Seventeenth century. My ship automatically, er..noticed-ish... that your ship was having some bother. CAPTAIN: That big blue crate!? The DOCTOR snaps his fingers. PIRATE 1: Tis more magic, Captain Avery. They're spirits. How else would they have found their way below decks? DOCTOR: Well, I want to say multidimensional engineering, but since you had a problem with sensors I won't go there. Look, I'm the Doctor, this is Amy, Rory. We're pirates, same as you. Arghhhhh! The DOCTOR turns to look at the pirates behind them and when he turns around, AVERY has a pistol aimed at his head. DOCTOR: Except for the gun thing. And the beardiness. AVERY: You're stowaways! Only explanation. Eight days, we've been stranded here. Becalmed. You must have stowed away before we sailed. PIRATE 1: What do we do with 'em? AVERY: Oh, I think they deserve our hospitality. EXT. SHIP'S DECK, NIGHT The DOCTOR is standing at the edge of a plank jutting over the side of the ship. The pirates laugh. DOCTOR: I suppose that laughing like that is in the job description. "Can you do the laugh?" Check. Grab yourself a parrot. Welcome aboard. AVERY: Stocks are low. Only one barrel of water remains. We don't need three more empty bellies to fill. Take the doxy below to the galley. Set her to work. She won't need much feeding. One of the pirates "escorts" AMY to the stairs that lead below-decks. AMY: Rory, a little help? RORY is being restrained by another pirate. RORY: Hey, listen right. She's not a doxy. AMY: I didn't mean just tell him off. Thanks anyway. The pirate forces her below. AVERY: If you're lucky you'll drown before the sharks can take a bite. DOCTOR: If this is just because I'm a captain too, you shouldn't feel threatened. Your ship is much bigger than mine. And I don't have the cool boots. Or a hat, even. AVERY: (aims pistol) Time to go. DOCTOR: A Bit more laughter, guys? (motions with hand) INT. SHIP, BELOW-DECKS, NIGHT AMY opens a chest and finds it filled with swords. She takes one out and as she's testing the feel of it in her hand, she sees a long coat and a tricorne hanging on a peg. EXT. SHIP'S DECK, NIGHT DOCTOR: Where are the rest of the crew? This is a big ship. Big for five of you. I s'pose the rest of them are hiding some place (holds his nose) and they're going to jump out and shout "boo". AMY: Boo! The men turn around to see AMY wearing the coat and hat, sword pointed at AVERY's throat. AMY: Throw the gun down. AVERY drops the gun to the deck and AMY kicks it away. AMY: The rest of you, on your knees. DOCTOR: Amy? What are you doing? AMY: Saving your life. OK with that, are you? AVERY: Put down the sword. A sword could kill us all, girl. AMY: Yep, thanks. That is actually why I'm pointing it at you. One of the pirates comes at AMY with a wooden handle, surprising her and forcing her back from AVERY. When the DOCTOR tries to intercede, AVERY pushes him back into the rigging. When AMY advances on the pirates with the sword, they back away, gasping in fear. AMY shows off a little, swishing the sword through the air. The pirates take advantage and push forward again. AMY fights them off. One advances on her with a rope, backing her into a corner. AMY swings through the air on a piece of rigging, swing her sword. She cuts one of them as she passes before landing on a barrel. PIRATE 3: You have killed me. AMY: No way. It's just a cut. A black spot appears on PIRATE 3's hand. AMY: What kind of rubbish pirates are you? AVERY: One drop, that's all it takes. One drop of blood and she will rise out of the ocean. AMY: Come on. I barely even scratched him. What are you all in such a huff about? One of the pirates approaches her and she swings out on the rope. He stops her and the sword flies from her hand. RORY tries to catch it, but cuts his hand. A black spot appears on his palm. RORY: Doctor? What's happening to me? AVERY: She can smell the blood on your skin. She's marked you for death. RORY: She? AVERY: A demon, out there in the ocean. DOCTOR: OK. Groovy. So not just pirates today. We've managed to bagsy a ship where there's a demon popping in. (looks at RORY'S hand) Very efficient. I mean if something's going to kill you, it's nice that it drops you a note to remind you. The SIREN'S song starts again. PIRATE 1: Quickly now. Block out the sound. The others put their hands over their ears. RORY: What? AVERY: The creature. She charms all her victims with that song. RORY: Oh, great, so put my fingers in my ears. That's your plan? Doctor, come on let's go lets get back to the...back to the... (starts acting dopey and giggles) PIRATE 1: The music. It's working on him. Look. RORY: (to AMY) You are so beautiful. AMY: What? RORY: I love your get up. That's great. You should dress as a pirate more often. Cuddle me, shipmate. AMY: Rory, stop. RORY: Everything is totally brilliant isn't it? Look at these brilliant pirates. Look at their brilliant beards. I'd like a beard. I'm going to grow a beard. AMY: You're not. AVERY: The music turns them into fools. RORY and the other wounded pirate continue to act like they're drunk or high. AMY: Oh, my God. Off the starboard side of the ship, a section of the water glows green. Everyone watches and soon a woman rises from the water. She, too, glows green. RORY'S jaw drops at the sight of her. AMY grabs his arm and holds him back as the SIREN floats down to the deck. PIRATE 3 walks towards her and the others half-heartedly grab for him as they, too, are entranced. The SIREN has her arm outstretched and PIRATE 3 reaches for her hand. Still held back by AMY, RORY reaches for her. As soon as PIRATE 3's hand touches the SIREN, his body is dispersed. RORY breaks free of AMY. RORY: I have to touch her. Let me touch her. AMY pushes her way past RORY and faces the SIREN. AMY: Sorry, but he is spoken for. The SIREN hisses and turns red. She sends AMY flying backwards to land on the deck. DOCTOR: (goes to AMY) Amy! Everybody into the hold. The pirates head to the hold. RORY stands there, still entranced. DOCTOR: Rory! The DOCTOR makes sure AMY is safe before grabbing RORY. RORY: Hey! INT. SHIP, HOLD, NIGHT They make their way down into the hold, splashing through the gathered water. AMY: What is that thing? AVERY: The legend. The siren. Many a merchant ship, laden with treasure has fallen prey to her. She's been hunting us ever since we were becalmed. Picking off the injured. PIRATE 1: Like a shark. A shark can smell blood. DOCTOR: OK. Just like a shark. In a dress. And singing. And green. A green singing shark in an evening gown. AVERY: The ship is cursed. DOCTOR: Yeah right. 'Cursed' is big with humans. Means bad things are happening but you can't be bothered to find an explanation. RORY: She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. AMY: Actually I think you'll find she isn't. We have to leave. Right now. AVERY: That thing of yours really is a ship? DOCTOR: Well, it's not propelled by the wind. AVERY: Show me. Weigh anchor. Make it sail! (pulls gun) DOCTOR: And the gun's back. You're big on the gun thing aren't you? Freud would say you're compensating. Have you ever met Freud? No? Comfy sofa. PIRATE 4: Leave the cursed one, Captain. The creature can have him. RORY: Yes, please. AVERY: We don't want the siren coming after us. The pirates cry out and one lifts his leg from the water. There's something on it. AMY: It's a leech! DOCTOR: Everyone out of the water! Everyone climbs out of the water onto the crates. PIRATE 4 pulls the leech from his leg. PIRATE 4: It's bitten me, I'm bleeding. (the spot appears) DOCTOR: She wants blood. Why does she want blood? AMY: What were you saying about leaving the cursed ones behind? DOCTOR: It's OK. We're safe down here. No 'curse' is getting through three solid inches of timber. The SIREN appears behind the DOCTOR and begins to sing. DOCTOR: Ah. Hello again. AMY holds back RORY but PIRATE 4 walks forward. AVERY & DOCTOR: No! No! No! PIRATE 4 touches the SIREN'S hand and disappears. His hat falls to the floor. Everyone rushes from the hold, the DOCTOR pushing RORY, PIRATE 4's hat in hand. INT. SHIP, BELOW-DECKS, NIGHT The DOCTOR bolts the door behind him. AMY: Safe? DOCTOR: I have my good days and my bad days. AVERY: How did she get in? DOCTOR: (uses sonic on hat) The bilge water - she's using water like a portal, a door. She can materialise through a single drop. We need to go somewhere with no water. AMY: Well, thank God we're not in the middle of the ocean. The DOCTOR puts on the hat. RORY: Did you see her eyes? Like crystal pools. AMY: You are in enough trouble. AVERY: The magazine! AMY: What? DOCTOR: He means the armoury where the powder's stored. AVERY: It's dry as a bone. DOCTOR: Good let's go, there. AVERY: (pulls gun) I give the orders. DOCTOR: Ah. Worried because I'm wearing a hat now?! (heads for the magazine) Nobody touch anything sharp! AMY: Come on Rory. (pulls him by the arm) In another section below-deck, PIRATE 1 takes out a ring of keys to open a locked door. AVERY: Quickly, man. PIRATE 1: The key, 'tis gone, Cap'n. AVERY: How can it have gone? DOCTOR: (pushes the door open) Someone else had the same idea. INT. SHIP, MAGAZINE, NIGHT They enter the room cautiously. The room is empty. AVERY: Barricade the door. Careful of that lantern! Every barrel is full of powder. DOCTOR: Who's been sleeping in my gun room? AVERY hears a muffled coughing and removes the lid of one of the barrels. He reaches a hand in a pulls out a young boy. AVERY: You fool. You fool, boy. What are you doing here? PIRATE 1: Who is he? DOCTOR: What, he's not one of the crew? AVERY: No. He's my son. A few moments later, the BOY is sitting on a bench, AVERY next to him. Everyone else stands and looks on. AVERY: What in God's name possessed you, boy? Your mother will be searching for you. (the BOY looks down) When? BOY: Last winter. Fever. She told me all about you. How you were a Captain in the Navy. An honourable man, she said. How I would be proud to know you. (coughs) I've come to join your crew. AVERY: I don't want you here. BOY: You can't send me back. It's too late. We're a hundred miles from home. AVERY: It's dangerous here. There's a monster aboard. She leaves a mark on men's skin. BOY: The black spot? The BOY shows the palm of his hand. There's a black spot. AVERY grabs his son's hand. The BOY coughs. A little later, AMY, the DOCTOR and RORY are sitting while the pirates stand. RORY rubs the spot on his palm. AVERY: There's nothing wrong with the boy. He has no scars. DOCTOR: Yep. Ignore my last theory. AMY: He has his good days and his bad days. DOCTOR: It's not just blood. She's coming for all the sick and wounded. Like a hunter chooses the weakest animal. AMY: OK, look He's got a fever. DOCTOR: The siren knows it. Humans. second-rate. Damage too easily. It's only a matter of time before everyone gets bruised. My ship. it can sail us all away from here. You and me, we fetch it. Let's go. (stands) AVERY: (pulls out pistol) You're not the Captain here, remember? The BOY opens one of the barrels to reveal water. The SIREN reaches through with her arms. The DOCTOR forces the lid back on. AVERY: The water's dangerous. That's how she gets through. One touch of her hand and you're a dead man! PIRATE 1: We're all cursed if we stay aboard! DOCTOR: It's not a curse. Curse means game over. Curse means we're helpless. We are not helpless! Captain, what's our next move? AVERY drapes the pendant around the BOY'S neck. AVERY: Wait with the boy. PIRATE 1: Captain we're all in danger here. AVERY: I said wait, and barricade the door after we've gone. AMY: Sure you want to go? DOCTOR: We have to get Rory and Toby away. She's out there now, licking her lips, boiling a saucepan, grating cheese. AMY: OK, well remember, if you get an itch, don't scratch too hard. DOCTOR: We've all got to go some time. AMY and RORY exchange a look, remembering what they saw in Utah. DOCTOR: There are worse ways than having your face snogged off by a dodgy mermaid. (pats RORY on the shoulder) INT. SHIP, BELOW-DECKS, NIGHT The DOCTOR and AVERY step out of the room and AVERY puts his gun away. AVERY: D'you want to draw lots for who's in charge, then? DOCTOR: Darkness. Demon. You can have first go. (pats AVERY on the chest) They make their way back to the hold. AVERY slips and nearly puts his hand down on an exposed nail. The DOCTOR grabs his hand just in time. DOCTOR: Nearly. Phew! INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR runs up to the console while AVERY stands just inside the door. AVERY: By all the... (walks slowly to the console) DOCTOR: Let me stop you there. Bigger on the inside. Don't mind, do you, if we just skip to the end of that moment? Oh, and sorry I lied by the way, when I said yours was bigger. Kitchen that way. Choice of bathrooms - there, there, there. INT. SHIP, MAGAZINE, NIGHT TOBY sits on the floor, coughing. AMY looks at him. RORY: What's wrong? AMY: The most beautiful thing you've ever seen. RORY: Oh, tell me I didn't really say that. AMY notices the two pirates removing the barrels blocking the door. AMY: What's going on? PIRATE 1: We're not staying here to mollycoddle the boy. The Captain's gone soft, it's time for us to leave. INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR is typing on the console when AVERY starts pointing and touching controls. AVERY: What's this do? DOCTOR: (pointing) That does very very complicated. That does sophisticated, that does whoa, amazing, and that does whizz bang far too technical to explain! AVERY: Wheel? DOCTOR: Atom accelerator. AVERY: It steers the thing. DOCTOR: No...Sort of...Yes. AVERY: Wheel. Telescope. Astrolabe. Compass. A ship's a ship. Oh... INT. SHIP, MAGAZINE, NIGHT TOBY gets up. TOBY: He told you to wait, you dog. He's your Captain, a Naval Officer. You're honour-bound to do as he tells you. PIRATE 1: 'Honour-bound'? Do you know what kind of ship this is? Do you know what your father does? AMY puts her arms about TOBY'S shoulders. AMY: Don't listen to him, Toby. PIRATE 1: We sail under the black flag. The Jolly Roger. TOBY: Liar!(lunges) He's no wicked pirate! PIRATE 1: Oh, you think so? I've seen your father gun down a thousand innocent men. INT. TARDIS DOCTOR: This is how the professionals do it. The DOCTOR sets the TARDIS in motion. Its machinery groans and goes nowhere. DOCTOR: It's stuck. Not responding. AVERY: Becalmed? DOCTOR: Mm-hm. Apparently. That's new. You had to gloat, didn't you? AVERY: I'm not gloating. DOCTOR: I saw that look just now. Ha-ha his ship is rubbish. AVERY: True. INT. SHIP, MAGAZINE, NIGHT PIRATE 1: (to PIRATE 5) Get what treasure you can I'll meet you in the row boat. TOBY comes forward, a sword pointed at PIRATE 1. TOBY: You're going to remain at your post. PIRATE 1: I am not playing games with you boy, you put that down. TOBY: One more step and I'll use this, you blaggard. PIRATE 1: You don't know how to fight with a cutlass, boy. TOBY: Don't need to, do I? TOBY lunges forward and cuts PIRATE 1 on the hand. PIRATE 1: Ah! (breathes heavily) No... INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR checks the controls. DOCTOR: It can't get a lock on the plane. AVERY: The what? DOCTOR: The space we travel in. The... ocean. Sort of ocean but not water. The TARDIS can't see. It's sulking because it thinks the space doesn't exist. Without a plane to lock onto we're not going anywhere. AVERY: I'm confused. DOCTOR: It's a big club. We should get T-shirts. There is an explosion and rumblings. DOCTOR: What's happening? INT. SHIP, MAGAZINE, NIGHT PIRATE 1: (turns his palm over to reveal the spot) You little swabber! AMY: Congratulations. Made it to the menu. Probably shouldn't go out there now. PIRATE 1: (pulls pistol) You scurvy ape. RORY: Don't shoot! The powder will blow and kill us all. PIRATE 2 takes the key ring from PIRATE 1's belt. PIRATE 1: Mulligan, what are you doing? MULLIGAN leaves. AMY: No honour among pirates. PIRATE 1 lowers his gun and begins to pile the barrels back in front of the door. INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR frantically works the controls. DOCTOR: OK. She's had her little sulk. Now she's heading for the full-on screaming tantrum. AVERY: Can you fix it? DOCTOR: The parametric engines are jammed. Orthogonal vector's gone. I'm almost out of ideas. AVERY: Almost? DOCTOR: Well, we could try stroking her and singing her a song. AVERY: Will that help? DOCTOR: Hard to say, never has before. The DOCTOR flips a switch in the hopes of regaining control but it doesn't work. The TARDIS rocks. DOCTOR: Argh! I've lost control of her, she's about to dematerialise we could end up anywhere! AVERY: That sounds bad. DOCTOR: Yes, it is! Out! Now! Abandon ship! ABANDON SHIP! The DOCTOR grabs AVERY and pushes him out the door as the console begins to explode, shooting sparks. INT. SHIP, BELOW-DECKS, NIGHT The DOCTOR and AVERY run out of the TARDIS and as far from her as possible in the cramped space. They turn around to see the TARDIS enveloped in a green light as it disappears. DOCTOR: OK, OK, OK. TARDIS runs off on its own. That's a bit of a new one. Bang goes our only hope of getting them out of here. AVERY: Not much of a Captain without a ship, are you? The DOCTOR and AVERY head back to the magazine and are stopped by MULLIGAN who holds two pistols on them. He also carries treasure, a crown around his arm. AVERY: Mulligan? What are you doing? This is mutiny. MULLIGAN: She doesn't want me. She only wants Toby and the scrawny looking fellow. (runs off) DOCTOR: He's got the last of the supplies. We should go after him. AVERY: Never mind the damned supplies. What about my treasure? AVERY and the DOCTOR follow MULLIGAN. MULLIGAN fires but they take cover. DOCTOR: Don't get injured. Don't get injured. INT. SHIP, STOREROOM, NIGHT They chase MULLIGAN back to the hold. He locks the door behind him. Using flint, he lights a fire in a small hand-held paddle. drops it when the flames burn his hand. AVERY: (through door) Come out of there you mutinous dog! MULLIGAN burns his hand and drops the paddle, leaving him in darkness. MULLIGAN: Ow! INT. SHIP, BELOW-DECKS, NIGHT As the DOCTOR is using the sonic on the lock, they hear the SIREN singing. The DOCTOR and AVERY begin checking each other for injury. The look to the door and see green light through the cracks. DOCTOR: She's inside. AVERY: She's come for Mulligan. MULLIGAN screams. The DOCTOR finally opens the door. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SHIP, STOREROOM, NIGHT They enter the room and find it empty. The DOCTOR scans the room with the sonic. AVERY grabs the crown. AVERY: No water in here. How did she take him? You said she uses water like a door. That's how she enters a room. The DOCTOR looks at the highly-polished crown. DOCTOR: I was wrong. Please ignore all my theories up to this point. AVERY: What, again!? DOCTOR: We're all in danger. The water's not how she's getting in. When we were down in the hold, think what happened. You, me, Amy, Rory, leeches. AVERY: She sprang from the water. DOCTOR: Yes, only when it grew still! Still water. Nature's mirror. AVERY: So... You mean? DOCTOR: Yes. Not water... Reflection. INT. SHIP, MAGAZINE, NIGHT Sitting on the floor, TOBY takes the pendant from around his neck and begins to rub it. INT. SHIP, STOREROOM, NIGHT DOCTOR: The siren legend. The curse. AVERY: You said curses weren't real. DOCTOR: Folklore springs from truth. She attacks ships filled with treasure. Where else do you get a perfect reflection? AVERY: Polished metal. DOCTOR: Hmm. The DOCTOR puts the crown away in a bag as AVERY automatically reaches for the pendant. It's not there. AVERY: We must warn them. INT. SHIP, MAGAZINE, NIGHT TOBY is now using a cloth to polish the metal. INT. SHIP, BELOW-DECKS, NIGHT The DOCTOR and AVERY hurry back to the magazine. They reach the door. DOCTOR: Amy! INT. SHIP, MAGAZINE, NIGHT DOCTOR: (through door) Open the door! AVERY: (through door) Toby open the door! AMY and RORY remove the barrels. AVERY: (through door) Toby! DOCTOR: (through door) Open the door! AVERY: (through door) Toby! AMY and RORY open the door and the DOCTOR pushes his way through, grabs the pendant from TOBY and begins breathing heavily on it to fog the surface. AMY and RORY just stare at him. He gives a thumbs-up and AVERY relaxes. The DOCTOR then runs out the door. INT. SHIP, CAPTAIN'S CABIN, NIGHT Using the butt of a rifle, the DOCTOR begins to smash the small panes of glass that make up the aft window. DOCTOR: We've got to destroy every reflection. Gold, silver, glass. She could spring from any of them. (smashes mirror) Oh, yes, yes, I know I know. Very bad luck to break it. But look at it this way, there's a stroppy homicidal mermaid trying to kill all. AVERY: How much worse can things get? DOCTOR: Yep. (looks at treasure) Help me lug this lot out. AVERY: Where are we taking it? DOCTOR: The ocean. AVERY: No. No! This is the treasure of the Mogul of India. DOCTOR: Oh, good. For a moment there I thought it was yours. AVERY: Doctor, wait. Must we do this? DOCTOR: Any reflection, any mirror, and the siren will attack. We have to protect Rory and Toby. Go and get the crown from the storeroom. AVERY leaves and the DOCTOR begins to throw the treasure out the broken window. INT. SHIP, STOREROOM, NIGHT With a sigh, AVERY takes the crown and leaves. EXT. SHIP'S DECK, NIGHT A slight breeze moves the dangling shells and charms and the full moon shines down as the SIREN sings. INT. SHIP, MAGAZINE, NIGHT RORY: Just wait? DOCTOR: Not my most dynamic plan, I realise. AMY: TARDIS? DOCTOR: It's been towed. AMY: What? DOCTOR: Sorry. We might be stuck here for a while. RORY: So you're saying that we should all just wait here below? AVERY: The sea is still calm, like a mirror. If you go out on deck she'll rise up and attack you. DOCTOR: It's OK. The calm won't last forever. When the wind picks up we'll all set sail. AVERY: Until it does, you have to hide down here. LATER... AMY and RORY are asleep on the floor. AVERY goes to sit beside TOBY. AVERY: I'm sorry about your mother. You miss her a lot. TOBY: Three years. No word from you. AVERY: Toby... TOBY: You promised her. You promised you'd come home. And she believed you would, right up until the day she died. What made you do it? What made you... turn pirate? AVERY: Get some sleep now. In her half-sleep state, AMY hears a WOMAN'S voice. WOMAN: It's fine. You're doing fine. Just stay calm. AMY opens her eyes and sees the same woman with the eye-patch that she saw at the orphanage. The panel slides shut. AMY sits up but the panel has disappeared. EXT. SHIP'S DECK, NIGHT The DOCTOR is looking up at the stars when AVERY joins him. DOCTOR: It's not one star it's two. (points) The dog star. Sirius. Binary system. AVERY: I use it to navigate the ocean. DOCTOR: I've travelled far, like you. Space can be very lonely. The greatest adventure is having someone share it with you. AVERY: If we get out of this I'll take him back to England. He can't stay with me. I'm not the father he needs. DOCTOR: Who are you, Henry Avery? Respected naval officer, wife and child at home. How did you end up here, wandering the oceans with a band of rogues? AVERY: I've set my course now. Nothing I can do to alter it. DOCTOR: People stared at it for centuries and never knew. Things can suddenly change, when you're least expecting. (pats AVERY and leaves) INT. SHIP, CAPTAIN'S CABIN, NIGHT The DOCTOR is standing quietly in the middle of the room. AMY enters behind him. AMY: Doctor? DOCTOR: Sssh. AMY: What can you see? DOCTOR: Feels like something's out there, staring straight at me. There is a crash of thunder and the ship rocks. DOCTOR: Man the sails! (runs from the room) EXT. SHIP'S DECK, NIGHT It's raining hard. AVERY holds the rigging. AMY and RORY rush topside. AVERY: To the rigging, you dogs! Let go the sails. Avast ye! AMY and RORY head for the ropes holding the mainsail while AVERY works on the foresail. The DOCTOR is at the wheel. AVERY: Put the bunt into the slack of the clews. AMY: I swear he's making half this stuff up. RORY: What we really need is some sort of phrase book. AVERY: Toby! Find my coat. My compass is inside it, boy. (TOBY goes below) Heave ho you bilge rats. RORY: 'Rats' was all I could hear. TOBY comes back with AVERY'S coat and the crown rolls out along the deck. All they can do is watch. TOBY looks at his father, hurt by the proof that he's a pirate. The SIREN reaches through the reflection on the crown and shoots into the air above the ship. She sings and floats down to the deck, her hand reaching out for TOBY. AVERY: Don't let her take you! Enthralled, TOBY walks closer, his hand out. AVERY: No! TOBY touches the SIREN and disappears with a scream. AVERY: No! AMY holds back RORY as he tries to reach the SIREN. The DOCTOR sneaks behind her and throws the crown into the sea. The SIREN disappears. AVERY: I'm sorry, I'm sorry! DOCTOR: You couldn't give up the gold could you? That's why you turned pirate! Your commission, your wife, your son. Just how much is that treasure worth to you man? At that moment, the main yardarm swing around and knocks RORY into the churning water. AMY: Rory! Rory! (runs to the side) I can't see him. Doctor, I'm going in! DOCTOR: He's drowning. You go in after him you'll drown too. There's only one thing that can save him now. AMY: What are you talking about? DOCTOR: The siren. The siren, she wants him. We have to release her. (heads for the water barrel) AMY: Doctor, no. The DOCTOR removes the lid and releases the SIREN. DOCTOR: He's drowning. Go find him! The SIREN dives into the water. AMY: What did you do? DOCTOR: If he stays in there he'll die. AMY: She'll destroy him. DOCTOR: That thing isn't just some ravenous hunter! It's intelligent. We can reason with it. And maybe, just maybe, they're still alive somewhere. We have to follow. AVERY: Are you mad? DOCTOR: If we ever want to see them again, we have to let the siren take us. We'll prick our fingers. All agreed? (holds out a fist) Yeah? AVERY: Aye. AMY: Aye. DOCTOR: Aye! The DOCTOR pricks their fingers and the black spot appears. The SIREN appears and sings. They each reach out to her. There is a flash of light. INT. SPACESHIP, OBSERVATION, NIGHT They wake up on the floor. AMY: Where are we? DOCTOR: We haven't moved. We're in exactly the same place as before. They look out the window and see the pirate ship. AVERY: We're on a ghost ship. DOCTOR: No, it's real. Space ship trapped in a temporal rift. AMY: How can two ships be in the same place? DOCTOR: Not the same. Two planes, two worlds, two cars parked in the same space. There are lots of different universes nested inside each other. Now and again they collide and you can step from one to the other. AMY: OK, I think I understand. DOCTOR: Good. Cos it's not like that at all. But if that helps. AMY: Thanks. DOCTOR: All the reflections have suddenly become gateways. The DOCTOR picks up a piece of metal from the floor and throws it through the window. It passes through and lands on the deck DOCTOR: Ever look in a mirror and think you're seeing a whole other world? Well, this time it's not an illusion. They hear a low beeping and begin to explore. AMY: The signal. DOCTOR: Yes. AMY: The distress call. DOCTOR: Uh-huh. They climb the stairs that lead to the rest of the ship. AMY: There was a second ship here all the time. They hear the SIREN. DOCTOR: And the siren is on board. The DOCTOR unlocks the door and it slides open to reveal the desiccated body of pteradon-like alien. AVERY pulls out his gun but the DOCTOR pushes it away. DOCTOR: Dead. The DOCTOR walks past it followed by AMY and AVERY. INT. SPACESHIP, BRIDGE, NIGHT On the bridge, they see another alien still at the controls. The DOCTOR walks up to it. The view from the observation window was that of AVERY'S cabin. AMY: You were right, there was something staring at us the whole time. How long has this ship been marooned here? AVERY: Long enough for the Captain to have run out of grog. AMY: I don't understand. If this is the captain, then what's the siren? DOCTOR: Same as us. A stowaway. (uses the sonic to scan the body) AMY: She killed it? DOCTOR: (checks readings) Human bacteria. AMY: What? DOCTOR: A virus, from our planet. Airborne, travelling through the portal. (puts away sonic) That's what killed it. (leans on panel) Didn't get its jabs. (lifts his hand to show it covered in slime) Urghhh! Look. AMY: What is it? DOCTOR: Sneeze! Alien bogies. The DOCTOR shakes his hand, trying to get the slime off. He wipes it on AMY's coat as he walks past and out the room. INT. SPACESHIP, SICKBAY, NIGHT They enter the room and the DOCTOR immediately begins to scan with the sonic. Suspended from the ceiling are beds on which people are lying unconscious. They have breathing tubes attached to their throats. AVERY: McGrath! He's one of my men. AMY: He's still breathing. The DOCTOR finds what looks like rectangular "discs" holding information. AVERY: My entire crew is here. Toby! (runs to his son) AMY: Rory! (runs to her husband) DOCTOR: The TARDIS! (runs to the TARDIS and practically hugs it) AVERY: We have to get them out of here. DOCTOR: Wait! (scans) His fever's gone. (goes to RORY) AMY: He looks so well. DOCTOR: She's keeping him alive. His brain is still active but all its cellular activity is suspended. (turns over RORY'S palm to show the spot) It's not a curse. It's a tissue sample. (shows one of the "discs") Why get samples of people you are about to kill? AMY: Help me get him up. The DOCTOR reaches around to undo the tube. An alarm sounds and the SIREN sings. DOCTOR: She's coming. The three of them hide. The SIREN arrives and approaches RORY who is now awake. He tries to jerk away from her but calms down as she continues to sing. DOCTOR: Anaesthetic. AVERY: What? DOCTOR: The music. The song. So she anaesthetises people and then puts their bodies in stasis. The SIREN moves to TOBY, her hand resting just above him. AVERY steps out from hiding, gun out. DOCTOR: (whispers) Avery. (shouts) No! AVERY fires at the SIREN. She turns on him, red and angry. She hisses and advances on AVERY. The DOCTOR runs to another part of the room to drawn her attention. The DOCTOR sneezes and the SIREN stops advancing on AVERY and turns to the DOCTOR, fire between her hands. DOCTOR: Whoa. Fire! That's new. What does fire do? Burn? Yes. Destroy? What else? Sterilise! I sneezed. I've brought germs in. The DOCTOR pulls out a handkerchief and blows his nose then throws the cloth to the floor. The SIREN shoots flames at the handkerchief, destroying it. With the distraction, AMY goes to RORY. The SIREN moves slowly towards AMY. DOCTOR: Amy stop. Don't interfere. Don't touch him. Anaesthetic, tissue sample, screen, sterile working conditions. Ignore all my previous theories! AMY: Yeah, well we stopped paying attention a while back. DOCTOR: She's not a killer at all. She's a doctor! AMY steps back from RORY'S bed and the SIREN resumes her green glow. DOCTOR: This is an automated sick bay. It's teleporting everyone on board. The crew are dead and so the sick bay has had nothing to do. It's been looking after humanity whilst it's been idle. Look at her. A virtual doctor! Able to sterilise a whole room. AMY: Able to burn your face off. DOCTOR: She's just an interface. Seeped through the join between the planes. Broadcast in our world. Protean circuitry means she can change her form And become a human doctor for humans. Oh, sister you are good! AMY reaches for RORY again and the SIREN turns red and hisses until AMY backs away. AVERY stands by TOBY. AVERY: She won't let us take them. DOCTOR: She's keeping them alive but she doesn't know how to heal them. AMY: I'm his wife for God's sake! Why can't I touch him? DOCTOR: Tell her Amy. Show her your ring. (grabs AMY'S left hand) She may be virtual but she's intelligent. You can't do anything without her consent. Come on! Sophisticated girl like you, that must be somewhere in your core program. AMY: Look He's very ill! OK, I just want to look after him. Why won't you let me near my husband!? The SIREN holds out her left hand and a ring of light appears around it. DOCTOR: Consent form. Sign it. Put your hand in the light. Rory's sick. You have to take full responsibility. AMY puts her hand through the ring and the SIREN disappears. AMY and the DOCTOR rush to free RORY. AMY turns off the power and RORY jerks and gasps. DOCTOR: He can't breathe, turn it back on. AMY: (turns it back on) What do we do? I can't just leave him here. AVERY: He'll die if you take him out. AMY strokes RORY'S face. AMY: Rory? Wake up. RORY: Where am I? DOCTOR: You're in a hospital. If you leave you might die. AMY: But if you don't you'll have to stay forever. RORY: You're saying that if I don't get up now... AMY: You can never leave. DOCTOR: The siren will keep you safe. RORY: And if I come with you? DOCTOR: Drowning, on the point of death. RORY: I'm a nurse. AMY: What? RORY: I can teach you how to save me. AMY: Hold on. RORY: I was drowning. You just have to resuscitate me. AMY: Just? RORY: You've seen them do it loads of times in films. CPR. The kiss of life. AMY: Rory, this isn't a film, ok. What if I do it wrong? RORY: You won't. AMY: OK, what if you don't come back to life? What if...? RORY: I trust you. AMY: What about him? I mean why do I have to be the one? Why do I have to save you? RORY: Because I know you'll never give up. AMY nods. The DOCTOR walks over to AVERY. DOCTOR: We have to send this ship back into space. Imagine if the siren got ashore. She would have to process every injured human. AVERY: What about Toby? DOCTOR: I'm sorry. Typhoid fever. Once he returns it's only a matter of time. AVERY: What if I stay with him? Here. The siren will look after him. I can't go back to England. And what home does he have now, if not with me? DOCTOR: Do you think you can sail this thing? AVERY: Just point me to the atom accelerator. The DOCTOR smiles and pats AVERY on the back before going back to AMY and RORY. RORY: I know you can do this. Of course if you muck it up I am going to be really cross. And dead. AMY: I'll see you in a minute. AMY looks at the DOCTOR who nods and the two of them hurry to unhook RORY from the life support. He gasps for air. Together, the DOCTOR and AMY carry him to the TARDIS. INT. TARDIS They set RORY on the floor just inside the door and AMY starts CPR. DOCTOR: Come on, come on Rory. Not here. Not this way. Not today. AMY: He trusted me he trusted me to save him. DOCTOR: You still can. You can still do this. He believes in you. Come on, Amy. Come on! AMY presses harder on the compressions. AMY: Please, please, please wake up, wake up, wake up. AMY sobs and she and the DOCTOR sit back from RORY'S prone body. The DOCTOR reaches a comforting hand over to rest on her back. RORY starts to sputter and cough up water. The DOCTOR stands and looks down at the couple in amazement. RORY: Amy. Amy, you did it, you did it! (hugs her as she sobs) INT. SPACESHIP, BRIDGE, NIGHT AVERY and TOBY sit at the controls. TOBY still has the medical tube attached. Father and son smile at each other and the other five pirates walk in behind them. They head into space, steering by Sirius. INT. TARDIS AMY and RORY head up the stairs from the console. AMY: I thought I was an excellent pirate. RORY: I thought you were an excellent nurse. AMY: Easy tiger. (turns to look at the DOCTOR) Goodnight, Doctor. DOCTOR: Goodnight, Amelia. AMY: You only call me Amelia when you're worrying about me. DOCTOR: I always worry about you. AMY flashes on the DOCTOR's death. AMY: Mutual. DOCTOR: Go to bed, Pond. RORY: (whispers) You can't tell him. It's his future. They look at the DOCTOR as he fiddles with the monitor. AMY: I know. The couple goes upstairs. The DOCTOR looks at the monitor. The TARDIS is still confused over AMY'S pregnancy scan. DOCTOR: Oh, Amelia.

Following a distress signal , the TARDIS lands on a 17th-century pirate ship captained by Henry Avery , whose crew is terrorised by a Siren -like creature who marks crew members with black spots when they are injured and then seemingly disintegrates them. Rory receives a cut, and Amy and the Doctor keep him away from the Siren. Discovering that the Siren uses reflection as a portal, they rid the ship of any reflective surfaces. When Rory and Avery's son Toby are taken by the Siren, the Doctor, Amy, and Avery prick themselves and the Siren teleports them on an invisible alien spaceship which occupies the same spot as the pirate ship. There they find a sickbay where Rory and Toby are kept; Amy and the Doctor pull Rory off life support and Amy performs CPR to revive him.

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THE SUN MAKERS BY: ROBERT HOLMES Part Four Running time: 24:57 [SCENE_BREAK] COLLECTOR: That noise, Hade. Can't something be done about it? We shan't hear her. HADE: It's vibration in the exchanger, your Magnificence. COLLECTOR: I know what it is. I don't want my pleasure ruined by it. MARN: Her cries will be clearly audible, your Honour. COLLECTOR: What's that? The subtleties will be lost. The deeper notes of despair, the final dying cadences. The whole point of a good steaming is the range it affords. HADE: Marn. Er, no. I'll see if the discriminator can be adjusted, your Immensity. [SCENE_BREAK] MANDRELL: Doctor, can you hear me? [SCENE_BREAK] MANDRELL (OOV.): I can't give you any longer. [SCENE_BREAK] MANDRELL: The exchanger's going to blow any second. [SCENE_BREAK] MANDRELL (OOV.): Get out, Doctor. Get out of there! COLLECTOR: What was it? HADE: I thought I heard someone say Doc-Tor, your Sagacity. It wasn't the girl. There hasn't been a peep out of her. COLLECTOR: Precisely, Hade. Something has gone wrong. Order the guards to investigate. HADE: Immediately, your Omniscience. Come along, Marn! [SCENE_BREAK] SYNGE: Flow valves open. MANDRELL: Main pumps in. SYNGE: Sixty atmospheres, still rising. MANDRELL: Plug auxiliaries in. Quick! SYNGE: Auxiliaries in. She's cooling, look. MANDRELL: We've made it. Unless the air plates have buckled, Synge. SYNGE: Let's hope they haven't. CORDO: Do you think the Doctor got out in time? BISHAM: If he didn't, he wouldn't have known much about it. MANDRELL: We gave him his two minutes. More than his two minutes. CORDO: Listen. In the vent! He's made it! CORDO: Leela! DOCTOR: Who was making all that noise? MANDRELL: I was, Doctor. DOCTOR: I told you not to use that radio link. BISHAM: We had to tell you that your time was up, Doctor. DOCTOR: You told the Collector, too! That fish-blooded sadist had Leela's casket wired for sound. LEELA: What's happening? What's he doing here? CORDO: We've sired a revolution, Leela. Down with the Company, eh, fellas! DOCTOR: Ah, ah, Cordo. We've got a great deal to do yet. BISHAM: It's going well, though, Doctor. DOCTOR: Is it? BISHAM: The PCM is clearing from the air faster than I expected. It's down ten points already. MANDRELL: All my men are out putting some fight into the work units. If just one District joins the resistance the word'll spread through the whole City. DOCTOR: Shush. Where's the public video system controlled from? MANDRELL: The Collector's Palace. BISHAM: Yes, he runs everything from the Computer room. Why, Doctor? DOCTOR: If the public video system announced there'd been a successful rebellion, think of the effect. LEELA: Everyone would believe it. DOCTOR: Right. BISHAM: Yes, but the Palace is guarded by his Inner Retinue. DOCTOR: He's guarded by his Inner Retinue, and most of them are down there with him. Come on, Leela, let's go. LEELA: MegroGuards! MegroGuards coming this way! DOCTOR: Everybody keep calm, keep calm. Keep quiet. You two back there. You three over there. Leela, behind the door. SYNGE: What do you want here? CORDO: All right, drop your guns. DOCTOR: All right, tie them up. DOCTOR: Pretty soon the whole place will be under siege here. K9? (to Bisham) I want you to hold out as long as possible. BISHAM: Yes, Doctor. CORDO: We'll do it, Doctor. DOCTOR: Of course you will. CORDO: Now we have more weapons, we can hold the corridor. DOCTOR: Good man. K9? LEELA: K9? DOCTOR: K9? ALL: K9? DOCTOR: K9, where are you? K9: Master. DOCTOR: Ah, there you are. Now, listen. I want you to give my friends all the help they need. You understand? K9: I am at full offensive capability, master. DOCTOR: You're a good dog. Come on, Leela. Gentlemen, good luck. BISHAM: Thank you, Doctor. MANDRELL: Right, Doctor. [SCENE_BREAK] COLLECTOR: An unprofitable operation, Hade. HADE: Your Supernal Eminence, I simply can't understand it. No one has ever endured a steaming without vocalising in the most gratifying fashion. COLLECTOR: A complete waste of time. And we've lost point oh four seven percent in production. Unpaid overtime to be introduced immediately for all work grades. See to it! HADE: Without fail, Monstrosity, without fail. COLLECTOR: What is it? COMMANDER: Your Excellence, sir. Some minor disturbances. It may not be wise to travel in the subways until the trouble has been suppressed. COLLECTOR: What trouble? COMMANDER: It appears that some of the work units are refusing to leave their dormers, Excellency. HADE: Refusing to leave? I've never heard of such a thing. COLLECTOR: This situation must be normalised. Any sustained unrest among the workforce will adversely affect Company profitability. HADE: Sing adoration to our Company! COMMANDER: I have dispatched a division of the retinue, Excellency. The account will be swiftly settled. COLLECTOR: With interest, Commander. They must be made to pay. HADE: I will introduce a swingeing output linked penalty tax in my next monthly budget, your Corpulence. COLLECTOR: The Doctor must be behind it. I sense the vicious doctrine of egalitarianism, Hade. HADE: Everyone knows your senses are infallible, your Promontory. COLLECTOR: Have the guards reported from Main Control yet? HADE: No, your Omnipresence. My underling Marn is investigating. COLLECTOR: Not good enough, Hade. Not good enough. I am noting your work rate. HADE: I will instigate action myself, your Aggrandizement. Instantly. Immediately. [SCENE_BREAK] CORDO: You'll never believe this, Bisham, but I'm really beginning to enjoy myself. BISHAM: The air's better without PCM, isn't it. SYNGE: Yes, we'll never pay breathing tax to the Company again. MANDRELL: Oh, we'll pay no more taxes, brother. The Gatherer's got his last talmar off of us. CORDO: I feel so good, like a new man! MANDRELL: Keep an eye on the corridor, Cordo, or you'll be a dead new man. CORDO: All right, Mandrell. I know. K9's got it covered. SYNGE: I wonder what's happening in the subways and dormers? BISHAM: Theoretically, the dispersion rate of the PCM should be slower down there, but there should be something happening by now. MANDRELL: If the work units turn, the guard'll really have their hands full. [SCENE_BREAK] GUARD: Come on, move yourselves. Report for work at once. Work! Work! GUARD: Collector's orders. GOUDRY (OOV.): Strike, brother. Join us, or get out. GUARD: Who said that? Who was it? GOUDRY: Me. Nobody works today. VEET: Nobody works today. GUARD: That's mutiny against the Company. You've just earned yourself an early death day, Citizen. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: No, no, no. LEELA: Why not? DOCTOR: No, don't kill him. He hasn't done you any harm. LEELA: Then I shall kill him before he does. DOCTOR: No. Get up. Come on, get up. LEELA: Doctor, the last one I spared got away and warned his comrades. That is why I was captured. DOCTOR: Then we'll make sure this one doesn't get away. Here, look at me. Look at me! Now listen. It's your sleep time. Sleep time. You're feeling very sleepy. Very sleepy. It's your sleep time. You will go to sleep and stay asleep until I tell you to wake up. Until I tell you to wake up. DOCTOR: Come on. Come on. DOCTOR: Wake up. LEELA: How did you do that? DOCTOR: What, that? Poof, it's just a knack. You've either got it or you haven't. LEELA: Doctor! DOCTOR: What is it? LEELA: This is where the grey one, the Collector, sat. DOCTOR: What, like a spider in the middle of a web? LEELA: Yes, yes. DOCTOR: I understand all this. He has a computer feeding and analysing the daily returns from each Megropolis. Suppose. Suppose he wants to broadcast some pleasing bit of news, hmm? Like the imposition of a double vision tax on people with more than one eye. Well, then, he feeds it into there. LEELA: He fed it into here. DOCTOR: He did? [SCENE_BREAK] HADE: I fear the situation is worsening, your Grossness. COLLECTOR: Laxity, Hade, laxity and weakness. You have shown them too much kindness. A grave error of judgment. Grinding oppression of the masses is the only policy that pays dividends. HADE: Your Oratundity, my MegroGuards are outnumbered by the rabble. If I could have two divisions of the Inner Retinue? COLLECTOR: The sole task of the Inner Retinue is to protect my person. You've mishandled the situation, Hade. As for your ambition to become Tax Master General. After this, forget it! MARN: Your Honour. HADE: What is it, Marn? MARN: I've just heard that some of the work units have gone to the roof of Block Forty to look at our sun. HADE: Outrageous! Sacrilege! The work units are absolutely forbidden to see the light of the sun. It's far too good for them. I'll soon deal with this. COLLECTOR: A combat situation is escalating. Those idiots have let it get out of hand. It is imperative that I return to the Palace to implement my contingency plans. COMMANDER: But Excellency, there's fighting in the COLLECTOR: Quiet! The Inner Retinue will march around me in close order. Their bodies will shield me. Now hurry. [SCENE_BREAK] LEELA: Doctor, come here. DOCTOR: That should do it. LEELA: Doctor! What is this? DOCTOR: What, that? It's a safe. Company vault. LEELA: Doctor, is there DOCTOR: Shush. LEELA: Is there something behind the door? DOCTOR: What was that? LEELA: I heard nothing. DOCTOR: Neither did I. LEELA: Then why are we whispering? DOCTOR: I always whisper when I'm opening safes. What is it? LEELA: What are you doing? DOCTOR: I don't know. It always looks so easy. LEELA: Why was it locked? DOCTOR: I don't know. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Why won't you listen to me? Why don't you girls listen to me? [SCENE_BREAK] BISHAM: The PCM in the atmosphere has fallen to three parts in a thousand. COMPUTER: Attention all Citizens. Attention all Citizens. Stand by for an important public bulletin. Megropolis One is now under the management of the Citizen's Revolution. The Director, the Tax Gatherer and all other Company officials are to be arrested on sight. MANDRELL: It's happened. [SCENE_BREAK] COMPUTER: All guards are ordered to lay down their arms and join their fellow Citizens in peaceful cooperation. CORDO: There! Stop or we fire. Get her! MARN: Citizens, I'd like to join the Revolution. [SCENE_BREAK] COMPUTER: The rule of the Company is ended. All work places will remain closed until further notice. Long live the Revolution. CORDO: Whee! CORDO: It's over! BISHAM: Cordo! CORDO: We've won! BISHAM: We haven't. CORDO: What? BISHAM: That bulletin was fixed. It was the Doctor trying to push things on a bit. MANDRELL: That'll bring the whole city onto our side. I don't know why you're hesitating. CORDO: Yes! We've got the guns, we should get out and help them. MANDRELL: What do you think, Bisham? BISHAM: Cordo's right. The fight has moved on from here. MANDRELL: Synge. You can run things down here. SYNGE: I suppose so, but leave K9 guarding the corridor, just in case, eh? BISHAM: Yes, of course. [SCENE_BREAK] HADE: You there! What are you scum doing up here? This is an abominable crime. An outrage! Leave at once, do you hear me? VEET: It's the Gatherer. It's the Gatherer! HADE: I order you to leave. You'll pay dearly. Keep back! Don't you dare! I'm an official of the Company! VEET: And we'll do the same for the Collector when we find him, won't we, Citizens. ALL: Yes! [SCENE_BREAK] COLLECTOR: Kindly make less noise. DOCTOR: Oh, I was just checking the books. COLLECTOR: Your appearance is not unexpected. DOCTOR: I'm not the Auditor, I'm the Doctor. COLLECTOR: I know. COLLECTOR: If you intend to kill me, as you see, I'm unarmed. DOCTOR: No, I won't kill you. Just close you down. COLLECTOR: An idle boast. Other competitors have tried. Would you care to see our prospectus? DOCTOR: Oh, delighted, delighted. DOCTOR: Hmm. Company solidly based. You've a widely diversified operational field. Yes. COLLECTOR: You're a fool, Doctor. I shall have you steamed for your interference. DOCTOR: Yes, I cut the answering service not to interrupt our little conference. COLLECTOR: Very well. I see I underestimated you. What are your terms? DOCTOR: Tell me about the Company. COLLECTOR: Ah, you're interested. DOCTOR: Yes. COLLECTOR: Oh, an excellent outfit to work for, Doctor. Progress from medium to senior management level can be remarkably rapid for the talented executive. DOCTOR: Yes, cut the sales talk. Where's the Head Office? COLLECTOR: Usurius. DOCTOR: Ah. I might have guessed from your squiddy little eyes. Hmm. COLLECTOR: You are acquainted with our species? DOCTOR: Oh yes, oh yes. The Usurians are listed in Professor Thripsted's Flora and Fauna of the Universe under poisonous fungi. COLLECTOR: I don't entirely like your attitude. If you want to get on in the Company you have to what? What? Are you mad? DOCTOR: Quite mad. Mad as a hatter. DOCTOR: Tell me, how did you get control of humanity? COLLECTOR: A normal business operation. The Company was looking for property in this sector, Earth was running down, it's people dying. We made a deal. DOCTOR: Go on. COLLECTOR: Yes. We moved them all to Mars. [SCENE_BREAK] COLLECTOR (OOV.): After our engineers had made that planet habitable for their species. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: And then taxed the life out of them. I mean, to recover your capital costs. COLLECTOR: Quite so, quite so. Then, when the resources of Mars were exhausted in their turn, we created a new environment for them here on Pluto. DOCTOR: Phew. What about the four intervening planets? COLLECTOR: They weren't considered viable by our engineers. DOCTOR: So then you really put the screws on. I mean, the running costs must be very high. COLLECTOR: Six suns to be fueled and serviced. DOCTOR: Six suns. Six! My, my. And so when this planet's exhausted you can move your slave labour force elsewhere? COLLECTOR: Alas, no. There is nowhere else that is economic. This branch will close. DOCTOR: Leaving the humans to die. COLLECTOR: When the suns have run down, yes. A matter of a few years without fuel. They're not a good workforce in any case. Many of our other operations produce a much higher return with less labour. DOCTOR: You blood-sucking leech! You won't stop until you own the entire galaxy, will you. Don't you think commercial imperialism is as bad as military conquest? COLLECTOR: We have tried war, but the use of economic power is far more effective. DOCTOR: You DOCTOR: Ah. The revolution's getting nearer. What's the Company policy on that? COLLECTOR: It will be quelled. Business will continue as usual. DOCTOR: Oh, wake up. Wake up. Look at the facts. COLLECTOR: I know the facts. DOCTOR: You and a handful of bureaucrats won't put the people back in chains now. COLLECTOR: Then they will die. DOCTOR: Oh, it's you again. What did I say? COLLECTOR: Our conference has gone on too long, Doctor. It is time to implement contingency plan A. COLLECTOR: This switch controls the sprinkler valves throughout the City. DOCTOR: Rain stops play. I don't think that'll damp down this revolution. COLLECTOR: The sprinklers will release dianene, a deadly poison. Within ten seconds, everyone in the City will be dead. DOCTOR: Except you. COLLECTOR: Exactly. I do not breathe air. DOCTOR: No, but this chap at my shoulder, he breathes air. COLLECTOR: Kill him! DOCTOR: Don't be a fool. COLLECTOR: Guard, kill him! DOCTOR: Good throw! Good throw. DOCTOR: What's contingency plan B? COLLECTOR: Nobody understands business is business. LEELA: What do we do now, Doctor, kill him? DOCTOR: You'll like this bit. You'll like it. COLLECTOR: Nine zero nine! A mistake in the Megropolis Six analysis. Recheck! COMPUTER: Nine zero nine. Recheck. Megropolis Six analysis confirmed correct. COLLECTOR: Commander! Arrest these idiots. I have a problem. Nine zero nine. Megropolis Four analysis. Mistake. Recheck COMPUTER: Nine zero nine. CORDO: Collector, in the name of the work units, I order LEELA: People, Cordo. CORDO: Yes. In the name of the people I order you to be tried by DOCTOR: Cordo, I don't think he's listening. COLLECTOR: Negative surplus. Inflationary spiral uncheckable. Negative growth! This branch is no longer viable. COLLECTOR: We are bankrupt. Business failure. Closure imperative. Cut losses. Liquidate. Immediate liquidation. BISHAM: I'm sorry I'm late. What happened? MANDRELL: Well, I don't know. DOCTOR: I do. He's gone back to his natural form. He was only held in that state by particle radiation. That's why he never left that machine. LEELA: You mean he's in there now? DOCTOR: Oh, yes. LEELA: Well, we could make a hole in it. CORDO: Do you think he'll come out again? DOCTOR: Well, you could put the plug in if you want. COMMANDER: I don't understand. Why was it necessary for him to make himself look human? DOCTOR: Well, if you'd seen a Usurian you'd know what I mean. They look like sea kale with eyes. I mean, would you take orders from a lump of seaweed? Huh? Hmm? Cordo? [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Leela, let K9 in the TARDIS. Goodbye, Cordo. CORDO: I wish you could stay, Doctor. There is much to do. DOCTOR: Well, I'll pop back and see you again when you've settled again on Earth. BISHAM: That'll be hard work. DOCTOR: Well, you're used to hard work. This time, you'll be free. LEELA: Goodbye, Veet. VEET: Goodbye. LEELA: Till the next time? Come on, K9. Come on. BISHAM: You really believe we can colonise the Earth again? DOCTOR: Well, I do, I do. The Earth will have regenerated itself since you left. Get back to your place under your own sun. ALL: Goodbye, Doctor. MANDRELL: Can the star freighters make that journey? DOCTOR: Course they will. Three hundred million of you can't go wrong. Goodbye everyone! ALL: Goodbye. [SCENE_BREAK] K9: King to Bishop four, mistress. DOCTOR: Which is more than I can say for the TARDIS. LEELA: Eh? DOCTOR: Nothing. I was just finishing a thought. Now, where were we? K9: Mate in six moves, master. DOCTOR: Oh, be quiet, K9. LEELA: I wonder why the Collector gave in so easily? I thought he would fight. DOCTOR: He got a bit of a shock. You see, I fed two percent growth tax into the computers. Index linked. Blew the economy and he couldn't take it. LEELA: I do not understand. You did something clever? DOCTOR: Well, I. What do you think, K9? K9: Affirmative. DOCTOR: K9 thinks it was clever. DOCTOR: I am so sorry, K9. K9: Apologies are not necessary. DOCTOR: No, shut up while I apologise. I am so. Listen. As soon as I've reset the coordinates, we'll finish that game of chess.

Attempting to start a successful revolution, the Doctor uses Pluto's Public Address System to announce successful revolution, all the while trying to determine the Collector's true species and why he, or it, seems set on taxing the life out of humans.

fd_Mars_01x06

fd_Mars_01x06_0

Mae: Previously on Mars. Hana Seung: When you believe in a goal the way we believed in Mars, conviction alone will sustain you through almost any test. Leslie Richardson: Robert! If you find evidence of a second genesis. Marta Kamen: Evolution can begin again. Ed Grann: I've got faith. Paul Richardson: You know, I used to stand in the doorway of the farmhouse where I grew up looking at all of the crops, thinking about all the people they'd feed. Joon Seung: If you push too hard too fast, something's gonna break. Ed Grann: If they fail, everyone's out. Hana Seung: But faith doesn't guarantee success. Paul Richardson: Without plants we're nothing. Hana Seung: The real test is what happens when you fail. ♪ [THEME MUSIC PLAYS] ♪ [SCENE_BREAK] Leslie Richardson: Richardson, Leslie. Phase 2, personal entry. [HEAVY BREATHING] Robert Foucault: Damn tragedy. Oh God. Hana Seung: The entire west section is destroyed. [SCENE_BREAK] Leslie Richardson: Paul was always late. He would get so caught up in his work that he would just lose time, completely forget about it. And then he would show up hours later, filthy, like a kid that had been playing out in the mud all day. And always with that look on his face, that look as if he knew that he was in trouble. But it was all worth it. There was this one night I remember, It was while we were living out in South America, he was still in the forest collecting samples. He was late, as usual. But somehow it was different. Morning came. Another day went by. Finally I could hear his footsteps approaching. So, I rushed out to meet him. And all of the sudden all of that fear and worry that I'd felt turned into anger, rage. I couldn't believe how selfish he'd been. And then he appeared. Javier Delgado: Victor. There he is. Leslie Richardson: Covered from top to bottom in mud. With that look on his face... that look. And all I could say was, "I love you." Paul Richardson: Without plants we're nothing. Javier Delgado: We are not nothing, my friend. [SCENE_BREAK] Hana Seung: We'd lost seven of our own. The lab and the greenhouse were destroyed. Olympus Town was on complete lock down until the nations of the IMSF decided on the fate of our mission. Was Mars going to be a giant leap forward, or just a passing novelty. It wasn't the first time humankind had faced this question. Ann Druyan: We accomplished the impossible by stepping on the Moon. This was, the first hop. And there would be a skip, and a jump afterwards. And we'd keep going and going and going, and the future would be one of endless possibilities, where the Cosmos was ours. Man: What do you think about this Moon landing? Man 2: Well it's the beginning of a new frontier, a gateway to Mars. Ann Druyan: That came to a very abrupt halt. Roger Launius: A major turning point for Apollo was the Apollo 13 mission in 1970. Man: Alright Houston, we've got a problem. Reporter: There is a bulletin from ABC news. The Apollo 13 spacecraft has had a serious power supply malfunction. A late report says the spacecraft now is operating on battery power alone, all unnecessary equipment is being turned off. Man: Let's everybody keep cool. Let's not make it any worse by guessing. Roger Launius: We came close to losing astronauts. And it scared the living daylights out of lots of people. And some leaders at NASA said we gotta stop this. This is too risky. John Logsdon: We all lived through that in real time. We were all wrapped up with the fate of the astronauts. It was a close call to get them back and that really spooked Nixon. It soured him on the notion of sending humans away from Earth into deep space. So it was a catalytic turning point in attitudes towards space exploration. James A. Lovell: Jack and Fred and I are very proud and glad to be back here in Texas tonight. There were times when we really didn't think that we'd make it back here. After the anomaly on 13, I thought that our space exploration would continue to go. But the extreme rate of progress slowed down. Peter Diamandis: Apollo was this massive promise of what was going to be going on, right? We were going to the Moon, not to stop. There were plans beyond the Moon but all this got killed as the political will petered out and was gone. Roger Launius: On a Mars mission there may be some loss of life in the process, there may be failures along the road, but people will take it on. One of the things that you have to ask is: 'Are the rest of us willing to allow them to do that?' Space exploration is subject to public opinion, and political support. There's no question about that. If you send astronauts to Mars and they die there, I guarantee you, public opinion will prohibit you from ever doing it again. Hana Seung: As we buried our friends, the fate of the mission was back on Earth in the hands of my sister and the IMSF. Joon Seung: Hi Ed. Ed Grann: How long until we know? Joon Seung: I told the press everything I know; the nations are meeting to discuss how to proceed and then we'll make an official announcement. Ed Grann: You can't let them give up. You just can't. They knew something like this was a possibility, we all did. Joon Seung: Seven of the world's most beloved scientists and astronauts are dead. Does that mean anything to you? Ed Grann: Of course it means something to me. What are you talking about? It's a time to be strong, to make a statement that says we're here to stay. Joon Seung: You're not going to influence my recommendation to the committee. Ed Grann: We've come too far Joon. Joon Seung: If the train is derailing, there's nothing I can do to keep it on the tracks. Ed Grann: The nations respect you, they will listen to you; you can inspire them to stay the course. Joon Seung: Even if we can Ed, I'm not sure that we should. Ed Grann: What? Joon Seung: I'm not sure that we should. Ed Grann: Me, I'm sure of one thing. I won't let go. John Logsdon: Dreamers of space have always had their eyes, their hopes, their aspirations, on getting to Mars. Casey Dreier: Mars has been the goal since Wernher Von Braun got involved with NASA. Mission Control: Liftoff, we have a liftoff! Stephen Petranek: Von Braun overbuilt entirely the rocket to go to the Moon. Saturn 5 is the largest, longest, and heaviest machine ever built by humans. It's absolute overkill for going to the Moon. And the reason is, Von Braun didn't wanna go to the Moon. He wanted to go to Mars. The only reason he got involved in rocketry was because ever since he's a little kid, he's focused on this idea of getting to Mars. He invented the V2 rocket when he was in his late twenties and it was the first thing that ever went into space from Earth. Man: Von Braun surrenders to US forces. He and his fellow rocket scientists actually welcomed by the Americans. Stephen Petranek: After the war, he writes a book called 'das Marsprojekt', which is basically a manual on how to build a fleet of ships that can get to Mars and get humans back. He's worked out all the equations, all the details, of how it could actually be done. And it captured the mind of the world. Nobody was thinking about going to the Moon; they were all imagining going to Mars. Man: This closes a golden chapter in the age of space exploration. Stephen Petranek: At the end of the Apollo program, NASA's beginning to lose its focus: what do we do next? And there are two proposals on Richard Nixon's desk. One proposal is that we build a spaceplane, called the Space Shuttle. The other proposal was from Von Braun and he was really storming the halls of Congress, to say that we can go to Mars. Interviewer: When would you see a man on Mars? Wernher Von Braun: We could land a man on Mars in a little over 10 years if we really wanted to do it. Casey Dreier: Richard Nixon was never that big of a supporter of the space program. He came in wanting to cut the budget to lower taxes, and space just was not a high priority for that administration. Basically they just wanted fewer leaps for mankind, right? small steps, small steps. Stephen Petranek: So Nixon chooses the Space Shuttle over going to Mars. Von Braun quits NASA, and within a few years has cancer and dies. Interviewer: It must have taken a great deal of determination to carry on and, in view of some the early failures that you've had. Von Braun: Well, yes uh, you just have to, shouldn't give up. It's very simple, something blows in your face, try again, try again, try again. One fine day you'll wind up on top. Hana Seung: After the devastation to the west section we needed to scavenge from our other resources to rebuild, even the old workshop. Javier Delgado: Figure we use the housings to patch the corridor the best we can. If we can get the section sealed with scrap, my team can start working on the damage done to Olympus Town. Marta Kamen: Mm-hmm, Javier! Javier Delgado: What? Marta Kamen: Ven mira. Javier Delgado: Que, what is that, corrosion? Marta Kamen: It looks like, uh, aragonite crystal. Javier Delgado: Possible the metal catalyzed perculate carried by the storm? Marta Kamen: Unless something reacted with the water that came out of the condensation filter. It would be nice if I had a lab. It's getting dark. Let's get out of here. Phobos and Deimos. Javier Delgado: Fear and terror, good names for the Moons of Mars. Russian Member: We lost two of our finest cosmonauts to this catastrophe; the support of the Russian people is fading. American Member: We've known this since Apollo: once the novelty passes, so does public support, and no one ever died on the Moon. British Member: Is this not the time to make a statement that we're here to stay? We have committed resources, delivered speeches. Giving up now could be a great embarrassment. American Member: More embarrassing than another tragedy? We only accepted the risk in the 60s because it was a matter of national defense. Committee Member: People love space, but not when it means watching heroes die. Russian Member: Secretary Seung, you are as personally invested as any of us. I would like to hear your recommendation to the committee. [SCENE_BREAK] Hana Seung: May I? I'm so sorry. Paul was my responsibility. Leslie Richardson: We don't need to do this. Hana Seung: They all were. Leslie Richardson: You didn't kill them and neither did Paul. Hana Seung: And neither did you. I gave that order, not you. We didn't have a choice Leslie. Leslie Richardson: Paul was right in front of me and I didn't see him. Hana Seung: If we have any chance in this place we need you with us. Joon Seung: Hana... they asked me to make a choice, whether to keep pushing, or to bring you home. I tried to go back to that feeling, that feeling we had, staring up at those stars imagining what was beyond. Hana Seung: Unnie, do you remember that recurring dream I used to have? Walking along the regolith under the twin Moons before I even knew it was Mars I was dreaming about. Joon Seung: When I think about you up there, if it had been you in that corridor... Hana Seung: If it had been me in that corridor, I only hope someone else would have done the same. This mission, it's bigger than all of us. I've made my peace, and I'd do it again if I have to. That dream I used to have about Mars. I could never tell Mom why I would wake up crying every time. It wasn't because it was a nightmare. It was because the dream was over. Joon Seung: Hana, I told them to bring you home. I'm going to make a public announcement next week. I'm sorry. Hana Seung: The mission had failed, I'd failed the crew, I failed Ben. [HANA CRYING] Ben Sawyer: Oh man, this reminds me of a place I used to go with my father when I was a kid. Hana Seung: So beautiful. Ben Sawyer: Yeah. Hana Seung: You know, they can give us a rover; put us in EVA suits, but that blue sky, gonna miss that. There's really no way of knowing if we actually make it up there, is there? Ben Sawyer: Nope, but... What good would we be if we didn't even try? Let's get moving. [SCENE_BREAK] Ann Druyan: The tragedy, for me, of the shuttle... it was as if we'd lost our nerve. Instead of building on the technology that had gotten us to the Moon, and saying okay, let's go to Mars, we ended up to a shuttle which was going nowhere. Casey Dreier: We went into lower Earth orbit for the next forty years. And I think a lot people felt a certain amount of betrayal. So far, the previous generations since Apollo have not picked up that torch and carried it forward. Robert Zubrin: We're approaching the 50th Anniversary of the Apollo Moon landing. People who watched it happen are still around and still remember a time when we did things like this. And if anybody had told me that I would be 64 and we wouldn't be on Mars, I would have thought they were crazy. John Mccain: Dr. Zubrin, you're mad that this vision has been stolen from a generation? Robert Zubrin: Yes, we turned our back on the whole Apollo vision. It's like Columbus coming back from the New World and Ferdinand and Isabella saying, "ah, so what, forget it, burn the ships." The purpose of space ships is to actually travel across space and go to new worlds. Mars is where the science is, Mars is where the challenge is, and Mars is where the future is. That if we say no, that is beyond us, then it would really indicate that we have become less than the kind of people we used to be and that is something that this country cannot afford. Hana Seung: As the others prepared Olympus Town for the official evacuation order, Robert and I took a trip to visit an old friend, we needed her help taking us back. There she is. Robert Foucault: Never thought we'd be trying to take her back. Hana Seung: Me neither. It looks like she's been through a war. Robert Foucault: She has. Ed Grann: This is it, your home for the seven-month journey and the first two years you'll be living on Mars surface, when the time comes to face the unknown, there has never been another suit of armor more skillfully crafted than this one. Take good care of her. She'll take good care of you. [SCENE_BREAK] Ben Sawyer: I want you to stop and ask yourself what really is important to you about this mission; and if the answer to that question is not the most important thing in your life, then I'm gonna invite you to walk out that door and pursue that thing, whatever it is. And don't ever look back, because no one will ever have the right to hold it against you. Well alright, welcome home. Robert Foucault: External solar arrays are online. Hana Seung: Initializing for start up on my mark... [SCENE_BREAK] Robert Foucault: Engage. Mae: Pressurizing. Joon Seung: No pressure now Hana, this is all of humanity relying on you. Ben Sawyer: You ready for this? Robert Foucault: Three. Hana Seung: Are you? Robert Foucault: Two, one, ignition. Mae: Pressurization complete. Robert Foucault: NDEs are registering no micrometeoroid damage. She'll need the new parts to address the damage from landing, but Cygnus brought everything we need to get her flight-ready. Hana Seung: How will it be? Robert Foucault: What's that? Hana Seung: Going home. Robert Foucault: I'm already home. Leslie Richardson: Marta... I thought you might be interested in this. It was Paul's. I'd like you to have it. Is there anything I can do to help? Marta Kamen: Thank you. Leslie Richardson: When Paul was working on his early climate resistant hybrid studies, I went with him to the western highlands of Guatemala. We knew that if we didn't plan our lives around our work we'd never see each other at all. He was always gone, sometimes weeks. Because on top of his own research, he also decided that he could figure out how this particular pathogen was spreading through local communities, so I barely got to see him. And I resented him for it. It was as if, plants were more important to him than human beings. Certainly to my mind, more important than me. Eventually I understood that for Paul, every time he looked at those plants, he could see all the people they could feed, all the people they could heal. Marta Kamen: So how did he figure it out? Leslie Richardson: Figure what out? Marta Kamen: The pathogen. How was it spreading? Leslie Richardson: Paul realized that the outbreak pattern followed the same vectors as one of the airborne blights he'd been tracking. He'd also been mapping these very complex wind flows from the mountains. And from that, he was able to conclude that the pathogen must have mutated, and it was able to survive in the air Both: and travel on... the wind. Leslie Richardson: Yeah. Announcer: By executive order, all non-evacuation related extra-vehicular activity is now prohibited. Javier Delgado: The biggest failure in history... biggest failure in history. It's easy... yeah, easy. Four years of my life... 20 years preparing. Very good and it's over. Amelie Durand: Hey. Leslie Richardson: We'd be looking for another location with moisture to replicate the reaction use on the WAVAR so we'd be following the wind patterns. Hana Seung: Wind patterns. Marta Kamen: Javier and I found something. The samples were too contaminated to analyze but I figured it blew in from the east in the storm because of the easterly arc of the wind, no way to track its source. Your story made me think. Even though I may not be able to pinpoint where it came from, I can figure out where else it might have blown to. The way the Tharsis Plateau affects the wind flow, it would have blown straight into the recurring slope lineae. On these elevated bedrock outcrops just to the west. Leslie Richardson: If there wasn't a moratorium on nonessential EVAs... Hana Seung: What moratorium? Robert Zubrin: The history of space exploration begins with individuals taking the road not taken, with people with a vision. Wernher Von Braun: I really never had any doubts that it was possible to go to the Moon. Today I know. Robert Zubrin: People being able to see with their minds what others had yet to be able to see with their eyes. Peter Diamandis: There is a direct correlation between the dreams and the works of science fiction and the reality. We as humans over and over again create the future, we create the future we envision. And then we bring to bear our resources, our capital, our technology, our friendships, and then we make it real. Kai Musk: What is this building called? Elon Musk: This is the launch tower, so this is where the astronauts would go up, and then there would be a big arm that would swing over to the spacecraft, and then they'd walk down the gangway, climb in the spacecraft, go to space. This isn't floors, this is feet. the long-term goal of SpaceX is to establish a self-sustaining civilization on Mars. Pretty cool. It's always seemed like we should have gone there by now, that's what everyone expected. We just kind of lost our way. It's a long way down. But now we're gonna get back there. Mission Control: SpaceX Falcon 9 go for launch. Mission Control 2: Stage 1 tanks pressing for flight. Mission Control: VC verify F9 is in startup. Mission Control 2: F9 is in startup. Mission Control: T-minus 4 minutes. Mission Control: SpaceX Falcon 9 go for launch. Mission Control 2: Vehicle's in manual. Mission Control: T-minus 1 minute. Elon Musk: This is a return to flight launch. We'd had a failed mission on June 28 of 2015. [EXPLOSION] After the failure, the whole launch program ground to a halt. That obviously put a lot of strain on the company. Mission Control: All stations verify ready for launch. T-minus 30 seconds. Stephen Petranek: Elon Musk has said the key to get to Mars is the reusability of rockets. He wants to be able to fire a rocket into orbit, launch a payload into space, and then fire retro rockets and bring that rocket down to land vertically, and reuse it. That's an extremely difficult concept. If he cannot make rockets truly reusable then he cannot launch a new civilization on Mars. So the stakes for every rocket launch are huge. Misson Control: T-minus 20 seconds. Stage Two tanks pressing for flight. Flight computer has control of the vehicle. Elon Musk: Do we see anything on the sensors that's a problem? Woman: No, nothing. Man: They all say go for launch. Mission Control: T-minus 10, 9, 8, 7, 6... [SCENE_BREAK] [CROWD CHEERING] Elon Musk: It's gone, baby. Let's go, check it out. Man: Speed 1.2 kilometers down range distance 11 kilometers. Shortly after main engine cut off, we're going to separate the stages and begin the second stage ignition. Elon Musk: Come on. [CROWD CHEERING] Man: Main engine cut off. The first stage is returning to land as the second stage powers the OrbComm satellites to low Earth orbit. The fairings have successfully deployed. The first stage will soon begin its series of three burns to head back towards Cape Canaveral. Elon Musk: Oh... where is it going? Okay, this is bad. Potentially bad. [CROWD CHEERING] Woman: That is that first stage, coming back down. History in the making guys. [CROWD CHEERING] Elon Musk: It's standing up! Coming in, it sounded like an explosion. Yeah man! Lee Rosen: Oh my God! Look at this, look at this! It's just sitting there, look at that. Elon Musk: What... holy smokes man. [CROWD CHEERING] It's kind of amazing that this window of opportunity is open for life to go beyond Earth. And we just don't know how long that window is going to be open. The thing that gets me most fired up is that creating a self-sustaining civilization on Mars would be the greatest adventure ever... ever in human history. It would be so exciting to wake up in the morning and think that that's what's happening. Robert Zubrin: Apollo is still within living memory. Neil Armstrong: Houston the Eagle has landed. Robert Zubrin: But the longer we let it fade into the past, the dimmer our prospects become. We do need to make discoveries, we do need to find out the truth about life, and the universe. To resolve mysteries that thinking men and women have wondered about for thousands of years. Look up, look up! There's everything out there! There's trillions of other Earths. That's why we're gonna do it and the next time we go, we're gonna go to stay. Marta Kamen: The story Leslie Richardson told me sparked a thought. Javier and I found something at the old workshop. I need to go there. Hana Seung: The wind patterns lead to a location 87 kilometers west of Olympus Town. We hoped to find a new sample of the substance Marta found on the WAVARs. Marta Kamen: Leslie, have you ever driven one of these? Leslie Richardson: No, I haven't. Marta Kamen: Do you want to have a go? Come. Reporter: We're here at IMSF headquarters waiting for Secretary Seung to make her announcement regarding what we believe will be the end of the Mars mission. Ed Grann: We've come so far, we stop now the Mars dream is dead. [SCENE_BREAK] Joon Seung: Today marks the end of an era, and the beginning of a new one. ♪ ♪ There is life on Mars. [CROWD CHATTER] Hana Seung: We had come so far. Overcome so many obstacles. And though there were times when our faith flagged, we persevered. There would be no evacuation. And as we prepared for the next phase, one thing was clear. Our dream was alive.

In 2037, a devastating tragedy in the colony forces everyone on Mars and Earth to question the mission. While the Olympus Town settlement tries to cope and continue its mission, controlling groups back on Earth struggle with a potential decision to end the mission. In the present-day documentary, commercial space company SpaceX again attempts to pioneer the rocket technology that would help mankind reach the red planet.

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113 - Le Morte d'Arthur "In a land of myth and a time of magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young boy. His name: Merlin." Forest Arthur's hunting party sneaks through the woods. ARTHUR: Merlin, spear. Merlin drops it on him. ARTHUR: Do you have any natural gifts, Merlin? MERLIN: No. Well, let me think. I'm not naturally rude or insensitive. ARTHUR: Just naturally irritating. They move forward and hear growling noises. Arthur catches Merlin's expression. ARTHUR: It's probably more scared of you than you are of it. Arthur signals to his knights where to go. Questing Beast jumps out at them. Arthur drops his spear and they all run. Merlin falls. Arthur and Sir Bedivere help him up. Bedivere subsequently falls and gets killed by the beast. MERLIN: Have we lost it? ARTHUR: Who's missing? MERLIN: Where's Sir Bedivere? SIR BEDIVERE: *scream* Castle - Council Chamber Of Doom GAIUS: The creature you describe has all the characteristics of the Questing Beast. ARTHUR: Surely that's a myth. GAIUS: According to the old books, the appearance of the Questing Beast is supposed to foreshadow a time of great upheaval. UTHER: Gaius, it's an old wives' tale. ARTHUR: Look, whatever it is, it's spreading panic. The people fear it will enter the city. UTHER: Then we must kill it. Arthur, gather the guard together. You ride at dawn. GAIUS: I beg you, Sire, do not dismiss this. The beast is an omen. I've seen it come before, the night your wife Ygraine passed away. UTHER: I've told you not to speak of that night again. I have conquered the Old Religion. It's warnings mean nothing to me now. Arthur will destroy the beast and we will no longer suffer at its hand. Gaius's Chambers GAIUS: This is no ordinary beast, Merlin. MERLIN: Don't worry. GAIUS: No, listen to me, you don't understand. Uther may not respect the Old Religion, but it is very real. To face a beast such as this, you must understand where it came from. MERLIN: What do you mean? GAIUS: At the very heart of the Old Religion lies the magic of life and death itself. The Questing Beast carries that power. One bite, you die, and there is no cure. Morgana's Chambers Morgana dreams of the dragon flaming, Merlin yelling "NO!", Arthur and Merlin running in the woods, Arthur lying sick in bed, and the Questing Beast. Morgana bolts up in bed screaming. GWEN: Morgana? Morgana?! Wake up. Gwen struggles with flailing Morgana. GWEN: Wake up, it's me! It's Gwen! Stop it! It was just another dream. MORGANA: It was terrifying. GWEN: Oh, it's going to be alright. Gwen hugs Morgana. Castle - Main Square Arthur speaks to his knights. ARTHUR: You've seen the foe we face. It's a creature of nightmare, but you are the best knights in the realm. We can, and we will, kill it before it harms another citizen of our kingdom. Arthur draws his sword. ARTHUR: For the love of Camelot! The knights draw swords. KNIGHTS: For the love of Camelot! Morgana rushes out of the palace in her nightgown, hysterical. MORGANA: Arthur! ARTHUR: Morgana, what are you doing? MORGANA: You cannot face this! Morgana tries to grab him, Arthur struggles with her. ARTHUR: Morgana, go back to bed. There is nothing to be afraid of. MORGANA: Please, Arthur. I have seen terrible things! You cannot go! MERLIN: She probably had a bad dream, Sire. I'll take her to see Gaius. MORGANA: No! I will not let you go! ARTHUR: Please, Merlin, get her inside. MORGANA: No! Arthur hands her off to Merlin and motions for the guards to come down. Merlin guides Morgana up the steps. MERLIN: I will make sure he's safe, My Lady. I promise. MORGANA: No! Merlin hands her off to the guards. MORGANA: No! Guards lead her inside. Forest Arthur and knights sneak through the woods. Arthur finds gigantic paw print. ARTHUR: Let's follow the trail. They hear growling and heavy footfalls. ARTHUR: Keep close. They find and enter beast's lair. Merlin and Arthur split from the rest. they hear hissing. MERLIN: What is it? ARTHUR: Shh! Questing Beast sneaks up on them. Arthur pushes Merlin out of the way and takes on the beast. The beast claws him in the chest, throwing him to the ground. It moves in on Arthur. Merlin tries to distract it by waving his torch. MERLIN: Hey! Hey! Merlin uses magic to pick up Arthur's dropped sword. MERLIN: Fléoge! Bregdan anwiele gefeluc! Merlin enchants the sword and magically throws it into the Questing Beast, killing it. Merlin goes to Arthur and shakes him. MERLIN: It didn't bite you. It didn't. Merlin sees blood on his hand. MERLIN: Arthur?! Somebody help me! Gaius's Chambers Merlin clears a table with one sweep. Guards place Arthur's stretcher on it. GAIUS: What's happened? Gaius looks at Arthur's wound. GAIUS: He's been bitten. MERLIN: I tried to save him. GAIUS: You must tell the King. MERLIN: There must be something you can do. GAIUS: I wish there was. MERLIN: I'll find a cure. GAIUS: Merlin! MERLIN: Trust me! Merlin bolts into his room. GAIUS: Can you hear me, Sire? MERLIN: Here. Merlin brings out magic book. GAIUS: The King'll be here any moment! MERLIN: He can't die. It is my destiny to protect him. We haven't done all the things we're meant to do. GAIUS: That is a lament of all men. MERLIN: Gaius, he's my friend. GAIUS: Then save him. Merlin uses magic to flip through the book. MERLIN: Gestathole. Nothing happens. Merlin flips through the book again. MERLIN: Thurhhaele. Nothing happens. MERLIN: Maybe the spells need time to take effect. GAIUS: The bite of the Questing Beast is a death sentence that no magic can overturn. UTHER: Where is the Prince?! Where is my son?! Uther enters. UTHER: Arthur! Merlin magically closes his magic book. UTHER: Do something, Gaius! GAIUS: I am trying, your majesty. MERLIN: Gaius will find a cure. He will not let him die. GAIUS: I will do everything in my power. Uther desperately picks up Arthur himself. UTHER: I'll bear him to his chamber. Castle - Main Square Uther walks through the Square with Arthur in his arms, Merlin and Gaius following. Uther collapses in his grief. Four knights come to bear Arthur inside as the King weeps on his knees. Morgana opens a window and watches the scene below. Dragon's Cave Merlin rushes to the Dragon's Cave. MERLIN: I have failed Arthur, failed in my destiny. KILGHARRAH: And yet, you would not be here if that were true. MERLIN: He was bitten by the Questing Beast. He's going to die. KILGHARRAH: Does he still breathe? MERLIN: Only just. KILGHARRAH: Then there is still time to heal him. MERLIN: I've tried. I cannot save him. KILGHARRAH: You do not know how to save him. MERLIN: But you can tell me how? KILGHARRAH: Perhaps. It will not be easy. MERLIN: I will do anything. KILGHARRAH: Anything? MERLIN: Please, just tell me what I have to do! KILGHARRAH: Very well. The Questing Beast is a creature conjured by the powers of the Old Religion. You must use the same ancient magic to save him. MERLIN: But the Old Religion died out centuries ago. KILGHARRAH: The Old Religion is the magic of the earth itself. It is the essence which binds all things together. It will last long beyond the time of men. MERLIN: But how can that help me save Arthur? KILGHARRAH: You must find those who still serve it. Those who hold dominion over life and death. MERLIN: Where? KILGHARRAH: Go to the place that men call the Isle of the Blessed, where the power of the ancients can still be felt. There you will discover Arthur's salvation. MERLIN: Thank you. Thank you. KILGHARRAH: And Merlin, the young Pendragon must live, no matter what the cost. Gaius's Chambers GAIUS: Merlin, you're back. I need your help. You must get this to Arthur to ease his passing. MERLIN: No. We have to save him. Merlin starts packing food. GAIUS: You've already tried. MERLIN: The beast comes from the Old Religion. The cure must come from there as well. GAIUS: There are not many left with such an art. MERLIN: You said yourself, the Old Religion is still alive, and there is an island beyond the White Mountains... GAIUS: No! MERLIN: The Isle of the Blessed...You know it? GAIUS: It was said to be the centre of the Old Religion, the focus of its power. MERLIN: Why did you keep this from me? GAIUS: Because it was too dangerous, Merlin. MERLIN: It's our only chance! I have to find it! GAIUS: And once you are there, what will you ask? MERLIN: For Arthur to be saved. GAIUS: The Questing Beast chose Arthur. That means the Old Religion has decided his fate. MERLIN: Then I will convince them to change their minds! GAIUS: It is not that simple! The High Priests have the power to mirror life and death, but there will be a price to pay. They will demand a life in return. Merlin, please, I beg of you. MERLIN: I'm sorry, Gaius. Whatever the price is, I will pay it gladly. Arthur lies dying in his bed. Castle - Gate Merlin prepares his horse to leave. Gaius approaches him. GAIUS: Here. Gaius hands Merlin rolled parchment. GAIUS: You'll need a map. And I'm going to give you this. My mother gave it to me. Merlin unwraps tiny package. GAIUS: It's a rabbit's foot. MERLIN: To keep you safe. GAIUS: It was said to protect you from evil spirits. It's rubbish. I don't believe in superstition. I don't know why I gave it to you. Gaius reaches to take it back. MERLIN: No. I want it. Thank you. (sigh) You've got to keep Arthur alive until I get back. Merlin mounts and rides off through the woods. Arthur's Chambers Arthur stirs in his fevered sleep. Uther watches him. UTHER: Shh. Sleep, Arthur. Countryside Merlin travels through the countryside with the map. KILGHARRAH (voiceover): You must travel to the place that men call the Isle of the Blessed. Beyond the White Mountains. Through the Valley of the Fallen Kings. To the north of the great seas of place name: Marador, you will find a lake. Arthur's Chambers Gaius is asleep in the chair next to Arthur's sick bed. Gwen enters and knocks on the door to wake Gaius. GWEN: Gaius? You should get some rest. GAIUS: He must not be left alone. GWEN: I will nurse him. Gaius leaves. Gwen takes the towel from Arthur's forehead, dips it in a bowl of water, and sits on the bed to tend to him. GWEN: You're not going to die, Arthur. I'm telling you. Because I know that one day you will be King. A greater king than you father could ever be. It's what keeps me going. You are going to live to be the man I've seen inside you, Arthur. I can see a Camelot that is fair and just. I can see a king that the people will love and be proud to call their sovereign. For the love of Camelot, you have to live. Arthur's Chambers A crowd gathers outside Arthur's window holding candles. Uther watches from the Griffin Landing window. Gaius comes up behind him. GAIUS: Is there anything I can get your majesty? UTHER: The people have begun to say goodbye. GAIUS: He's not yet gone, Sire. UTHER: But he will not recover. GAIUS: Not without a miracle. UTHER: I don't believe in miracles. Lake / Isle Of The Blessed Merlin approaches the lake, steps in a little boat. MERLIN: Astyre. The propels boat across the lake. Merlin steps out into the fortress on the island and looks around. MERLIN: Hello? NIMUEH: Hello, Merlin. MERLIN: You. NIMUEH: Do you know who I am? MERLIN: Nimueh. You can't be who the dragon meant. NIMUEH: And why is that? MERLIN: You tried to kill me. NIMUEH: Before I understood your importance. MERLIN: And Arthur. NIMUEH: Arthur was never destined to die at my hand, and now it seems I will be his salvation. MERLIN: So you know what I've come to ask? NIMUEH: Yes. MERLIN: Will you do it? NIMUEH: I do not have the power to mirror life itself and yet give nothing in return. MERLIN: I know that a price will be asked. NIMUEH: To save a life, there must be a death. The balance of the world must be restored. MERLIN: I willingly give my life for Arthur's. NIMUEH: How brave you are, Merlin. If only it were that simple. MERLIN: What do you mean? NIMUEH: Once you enter into this bargain, it cannot be undone. MERLIN: Whatever I have to do, I will do. His life is worth a hundred of mine. NIMUEH: The Cup of Life, blessed by centuries of powerful sorcerers so that it contains the very secret of life itself. If Arthur drinks water from the Cup, he will live. Merlin takes the Cup. NIMUEH: Tídrénas. Nimueh makes it rain on Merlin for a moment. Merlin collects the water in the Cup. Nimueh takes the Cup and pours the water into a small, decorative canteen. NIMUEH: The bargain is struck. I hope it pleases you. Merlin rides into Camelot the next morning. Gaius's Chambers GAIUS: Merlin! MERLIN: We need to give this to Arthur. Merlin hands Gaius the decorative canteen. GAIUS: What is it? MERLIN: Water drawn from the Cup of Life. If Arthur drinks from it, he will recover. Please hurry. Gaius begins to walk out, but stops and faces Merlin. MERLIN: What are you waiting for? GAIUS: What price did you pay to redeem his life? Whose life did you bargain?! MERLIN: We don't have time. GAIUS: Merlin! MERLIN: Don't worry, Gaius! Everything's going to be alright. Gaius and Merlin giving Arthur the water. Uther enters. UTHER: What are you doing, physician? What are you giving him? GAIUS: It's a... It's a tincture made from the lobelia plant, an ancient remedy for poisonous bites. UTHER: A cure? GAIUS: We hope. UTHER: Do you really think it will have some effect? GAIUS: It's our last resort, Sire. Perhaps you should allow him to rest. UTHER: I will not leave him. Gaius and Merlin exit. Uther sits by Arthur's bedside. Castle - Central Corridor Gaius and Merlin head down the corridor. Morgana grabs Merlin's arm and pulls him into an alcove. MORGANA: Please, Merlin, you must beware. This is only the beginning. Merlin pulls away and continues down the corridor. Arthur's Chambers Gaius paces in Arthur's Chambers, Uther sleeps hunched over the bed. Arthur wakes. Uther wakes. UTHER: Arthur. Arthur looks around and puts his head back down. Gaius's Chambers Gaius enters in his chambers where Merlin is pacing. GAIUS: The Prince lives. Arthur's Chambers UTHER: I thought we'd lost you. ARTHUR: Don't worry, Father, I'm not going to die. I think there's someone watching over me, keeping me from harm. UTHER: Maybe you're right. On your long journey to become King, you will need a guardian angel. I shall inform the court that their Prince lives. Gwen enters as Uther exits. she puts down the towels she's carrying and looks anxiously at Arthur. Arthur opens his eyes and turns to look at her. Gwen smiles in relief. GWEN: I knew it. I said you'd be alright. ARTHUR: I can remember you talking to me. GWEN: You can? ARTHUR: You stroked my forehead. GWEN: I was tending to your fever. ARTHUR: You never lost faith. GWEN: I was just talking. ARTHUR: Tell me again what you said? GWEN: I don't remember. ARTHUR: Yes, you do. GWEN: No, I don't. ARTHUR: Come on. Something about "the man I am inside." GWEN: No, I never said that. ARTHUR: Guinevere... GWEN: I have to get these washed, Sire. Gwen exits hurriedly with the dirty cloths. Arthur grins in amusement. [SCENE_BREAK] Merlin's Chamber Merlin sits on his bed, waiting to die, while a thunderstorm whips through the night. A figure enters the Camelot on foot. A trembling diseased hand opens the door to the Physician's Chambers. We see Morgana bolting awake screaming. Morning comes and Merlin is still alive. He rushes out of his room. MERLIN: Gaius! I'm alive! Gaius is crouching over a collapsed figure on the floor. MERLIN: What is it? What's happened? GAIUS: Merlin, stay there! MERLIN: What's wrong? GAIUS: No, don't! Merlin walks over to see Hunith, covered in sores, struggling to breathe on the floor. MERLIN: Mother! HUNITH: Merlin. MERLIN: What's happened to her? GAIUS: She's gravely ill. MERLIN: Do something! GAIUS: If I could. MERLIN: Please, Gaius! GAIUS: Merlin, this is no ordinary illness. MERLIN: This cannot happen. GAIUS: Who did you meet at the Isle of the Blessed? MERLIN: Nimueh. GAIUS: Nimueh?! MERLIN: It was as you said. She demanded a price, but I bargained my life, not my mothers. GAIUS: Merlin. I wish there was something I could do. MERLIN: I will make you better. I will. Dragon's Cave MERLIN: You knew this would happen! You had me trade my mother's life for Arthur's! KILGHARRAH: You said you would do anything. MERLIN: Did you know my mother would die? KILGHARRAH: I knew the price would be a heavy one. MERLIN: But you sent me anyway. KILGHARRAH: We need Arthur to live. MERLIN: I'm not one of you! KILGHARRAH: We are both creatures of the Old Religion. It is the source of your power. MERLIN: What's that supposed to mean? KILGHARRAH: Your destiny is to protect the young Pendragon until he claims his crown. And when he does, magic can be returned to the realm. Only then will I be free. MERLIN: Oh. So that's all you cared about? I thought you were my friend. KILGHARRAH: I am more than that, Merlin. I am your kin. MERLIN: No. The only family I have is my mother, and you had me murder her. KILGHARRAH: Her life has not been taken in vain. We will achieve great things together, you and I. MERLIN: You will never be released! For what you've done, I'll make sure you never see the light. KILGHARRAH: Merlin! The Great Dragon breathes fire at him. MERLIN: Gescildan! Merlin blocks the flames. MERLIN: You won't see me again. Gaius's Chambers Merlin returns. MERLIN: Where is she? GAIUS: She's sleeping. MERLIN: I have to save her. GAIUS: You cannot. MERLIN: If the balance of the world needs a life, then Nimueh must take mine. GAIUS: No, Merlin. MERLIN: Yes. I will return to the island. GAIUS: You are young. Your gifts, your destiny are far too precious to sacrifice. MERLIN: My destiny? This is my mother. My powers mean nothing if I cannot save her. You have taught me so much. Taught me who I am. Taught me the purpose for my skills. Taught me that magic should only be used for great deeds. But most of all, you have always taught me to do what is right. GAIUS: Merlin. MERLIN (sniffle): I need to say goodbye to Arthur. Arthur's Chambers Merlin enters as Arthur is pouring himself a drink, his other arm in a sling. ARTHUR: Ah, Merlin. MERLIN: How are you? ARTHUR: Good. MERLIN: I'm pleased. ARTHUR: Yes. I owe it all to Gaius. MERLIN: I need to talk to you. ARTHUR: You still haven't got it yet, have you? I decide when we need to talk. MERLIN: Not today. ARTHUR: I sometimes wonder if you know who I am. MERLIN: Oh, I know who you are. ARTHUR: Good. MERLIN: You're a prat. And a royal one. ARTHUR (chuckle): Are you ever going to change, Merlin? MERLIN: No, you'd get bored. But promise me this, if you get another servant, don't get a bootlicker. ARTHUR: If this is you trying to leave your job... MERLIN: No. I'm happy to be your servant. Till the day I die. ARTHUR: Sometimes I think I know you, Merlin. Other times... *shakes head* MERLIN: Well, I know you. And you're a great warrior. One day, you'll be a great king. ARTHUR: That's very kind of you. MERLIN: But you must learn to listen as well as you fight. ARTHUR: Any other pointers? MERLIN: No. That's it. Just...don't be a prat. Merlin's Chamber Merlin enters his chamber where Gwen is sitting by Hunith's bedside. GWEN: Gaius had to go and get some supplies. He asked me to keep an eye on her until you got back. MERLIN: Thank you. GWEN: I'm sorry. MERLIN: No, she'll get better. GWEN: I've tried to make her feel comfortable. MERLIN: You have such a good heart, Gwen. Don't ever lose that. Gwen leaves and Merlin goes to sit with his mother. MERLIN: I'm going to make you well again. I promise. You'll see. HUNITH: You're such a good son. MERLIN: But I don't want you to worry about me. I know that the gods will look after me, and that one day I will see you again. HUNITH: I will miss you. MERLIN: I will miss you, too. Merlin takes out the rabbit's foot and gives it to his mother. Gaius's Chambers Merlin comes out of his room and begins packing for his trip the next morning. MERLIN: Gaius? Merlin finds a note with his name on it. Merlin reads it while Gaius travels to the Isle of the Blessed. GAIUS (voiceover): Dear Merlin, My life is already near to its end. There has, for the most part, been very little purpose to it, very little that will be remembered. In contrast, Merlin, your life is destined for greatness. Live by the tenets I have taught you, and I believe you will, in time, become the greatest warlock ever. To have known you has been my greatest pleasure, and to sacrifice myself for you is but an honour. You are and always will be the son I never had. MERLIN: No! Merlin rides out of Camelot. Isle Of The Blessed Gaius steps out of the boat onto the island. NIMUEH: I never thought I'd see you here again. GAIUS: My Lady. NIMUEH: It's a long time since you called me that. GAIUS: I come to ask for your help. NIMUEH: As you did once before for Uther? You did not like the outcome. GAIUS: I offer a chance for you to atone for the death of his wife. NIMUEH: I have saved the life of her son. What more do you ask for? GAIUS: That this time, you take a just price. Merlin intends to offer his life for his mother's. I want you to take mine in his place. NIMUEH (laughs): With all my powers of prediction, I could never have foretold this. Gaius the hero. Why should I grant your wish? You stood and watched as our friends burned in the Great Purge. You are nothing but a traitor. GAIUS: Merlin is the one man who can bring magic back to this land. At Arthur's side, he can help forge a new kingdom. A world of peace and beauty that we can only dream of. NIMUEH: And you're willing to give your life, Gaius, for the future they will bring? I'm waiting. Are you ready to die, Gaius? Gaius? GAIUS: For Merlin I will give my life. Merlin approaches edge of the lake of the Isle of the Blessed, he can hear Nimueh. NIMUEH: Ic, séo héahsácerd, þe ácwile strengþe ealdan æwfæstnesse! Merlin rushes onto the island. MERLIN: Stop! NIMUEH: Back again so soon, warlock? MERLIN: What have you done? NIMUEH: Your mother is safe. Isn't that what you wanted? MERLIN: Have you killed him? NIMUEH: It was his wish. MERLIN: I bid my life for Arthur's, not my mother's, not Gaius's! NIMUEH: The Old Religion does not care who lives and who dies! Only that the balance of the world is restored. To save a life, a life must be taken. Gaius knew this. MERLIN: It is not the Old Religion that has done this. It is you. NIMUEH: Come now. We are too valuable to each other to be enemies. MERLIN: No! I share nothing with you! NIMUEH: With my help, Arthur will become King. MERLIN: I will make Arthur King. But you will never see that day. Ástríce! Nimueh absorbs his attack. NIMUEH: Your childish tricks are useless against me, Merlin. I am a priestess of the Old Religion. Forbærne! You, too, are a creature of the Old Religion. You should join me. MERLIN: You think I would join forces with such a selfish and cruel magic? Never. NIMUEH: So be it. Ácwele! The spell hits Merlin. NIMUEH: Pity. Together we could've ruled the world. Nimueh walks away. Merlin gets up and glares at her. MERLIN: You should not have killed my friend. Merlin uses the power from the clouds to strike Nimueh down. Merlin runs to Gaius. MERLIN: Gaius! Gaius! Merlin cradles unconscious Gaius. MERLIN: No! No! *cries* GAIUS: Merlin. MERLIN: Gaius. Gaius. Gaius, you're alive! GAIUS: What did you do? MERLIN: Nimueh's dead. The balance of the world has been restored. GAIUS: You amaze me. You've mastered the power of life and death itself. We'll make a great warlock of you yet. MERLIN: So you believe in me now? GAIUS: Well, I would do if...if you could stop this blasted rain. They laugh. KILGHARRAH: Merlin! No! *roar* Morgana wakes from a nightmare. Special thanks to Lika_mikala for allowing us to use all of her scripts.

A huge monster, the Questing Beast, is on the loose near Camelot. Morgana has a nightmare of Arthur's death, but he ignores her warning and is bitten by the creature before Merlin slays it. The Great Dragon tells Merlin that in order to save Arthur he must travel to the Isle of the Blessed, where he meets Nimueh. She gives him the antidote (water from the Cup of Life) but warns him another life must be sacrificed to save Arthur's. Merlin gives the antidote to Arthur and the prince recovers, but Merlin's mother arrives in Camelot with a terrible illness. Merlin prepares to return to the Isle of the Blessed, however Gaius gets there first. As Gaius sacrifices himself, Merlin faces the greatest test so far of his emotions and his magic powers in a final showdown with Nimueh.

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[PREVIOUSLY_ON] You make jumps you can't explain, Will. The evidence explains. Then help me find some evidence. I wouldn't put him out there! Should he get too close, I need you to make sure he's not out there alone. I don't think the Shrike killed that girl in the field. This girl's killer thought that she was a pig. You think this was a copycat? I think I can help good Will, see his face. Hello? They know. (gunshots) You said he wouldn't get too close. See? (gunshots) (knocking) Jack: We're here! (police radio chatter) Will: Could be a permanent installation in your Evil Minds Museum. Jack: Well, what we learn about Garrett Jacob Hobbs will help us catch the next one like him. There's still seven bodies unaccounted for. Will: Yeah, well, he was eating them. Jack: Had to be some parts he wasn't eating. Will: Not necessarily. Jack: All right, what if Hobbs wasn't eating alone? It's a lot of work. Disappearing these girls, butchering them, and then not leaving a shred of anything other than what's in this room. Will: Someone he hunted with. Jack: Someone who is in a coma, who also happened to be someone he hunted with. Will: Abigail Hobbs is a suspect? Jack: We've been conducting house-to-house interviews at the Hobbs residence, and, uh, at this property also. Hobbs spent a lot of time here. Spent a lot of time with his daughter here. She would make the ideal bait, wouldn't she? Will: Hobbs killed alone. Ah... someone else was here. [SCENE_BREAK] (Applause) Will: Thank you. Please stop that. This is how I caught Garrett Jacob Hobbs. It's his resignation letter. Does anybody see the clue? There isn't one. He wrote a letter, he left a phone number, no address. That's it. Bad bookkeeping and dumb luck. (gasping) Garrett Jacob Hobbs is dead. The question now is how to stop those his story is going to inspire. (projector click) He's already got one admirer. A copycat. [SCENE_BREAK] Will: Hi. Alana: How are you, Will? Will: Uh, I have no idea. Alana: Um, I didn't want you to be ambushed. Will: This is an ambush? Alana: Ambush is later. Immediately later soon to now. When Jack arrives, consider yourself ambushed. Will: Here's Jack. Jack: How was class? Will: Um, they applauded. It was inappropriate. Jack: Well, the review board would beg to differ. You're up for a commendation. And they've, uh, okayed active return to the field. Alana: The question is, do you want to go back to the field? Jack: I want him back in the field. And I've told the board I'm recommending a psych eval. Will: Are we starting now? Alana: Oh, the session wouldn't be with me. Jack: Hannibal Lecter's a better fit. Your relationship's not personal. But if you are more comfortable with Dr. Bloom- Will: No, I'm not going to be comfortable with anybody inside my head. Alana: You've never killed anyone before, Will. It's a deadly force encounter. It's a lot to digest. Will: I used to work Homicide. Jack: The reason you currently used to work Homicide is because you didn't have the stomach for pulling the trigger. You just pulled the trigger ten times! Will: Wait, so a psych eval isn't a formality? Jack: No, it's so I can get some sleep at night. I asked you to get close to the Hobbs thing. I need to know you didn't get too close. How many nights did you spend in Abigail Hobbs' hospital room, Will? Will: Therapy doesn't work on me. Jack: Therapy doesn't work on you because you won't let it. Will: And because I know all the tricks. Jack: Well, perhaps you need to un-learn some tricks. Alana: Why not have a conversation with Hannibal? He was there. He knows what you went through. Jack: Come on, Will. I need my beauty sleep! [SCENE_BREAK] Will: What's that? Hannibal: Your psychological evaluation. You are totally functional and more or less sane. Well done. Will: Did you just rubber stamp me? Hannibal: Yes. Jack Crawford may lay his weary head to rest knowing he didn't break you and our conversation can proceed unobstructed by paperwork. Will: Jack thinks that I need therapy. Hannibal: What you need is a way out of dark places when Jack sends you there. Will: Last time he sent me into a dark place, I brought something back. Hannibal: A surrogate daughter? You saved Abigail Hobbs' life. You also orphaned her. That comes with certain emotional obligations, regardless of empathy disorders. Will: You were there. You saved her life too. Do you feel obligated? Hannibal: Yes. I feel a staggering amount of obligation. I feel responsibility. I've fantasized about scenarios where my actions may have allowed a different fate for Abigail Hobbs. Will: Jack thinks Abigail Hobbs helped her dad kill those girls. Hannibal: How does that make you feel? Will: How does it make you feel? Hannibal: I find it vulgar. Will: Me too. Hannibal: And entirely possible. Will: It's not what happened. Hannibal: Jack will ask her when she wakes up, or he'll have one of us ask her. Will: Is this therapy, or a support group? Hannibal: It's whatever you need it to be. And, Will, the mirrors in your mind can reflect the best of yourself, not the worst of someone else. [SCENE_BREAK] Boy1: What is that? Boy2: I bet it's marijuana. Boy3: Mushrooms. Look, they got tubes to water 'em or something. Boy2: No, it's a marijuana plant. Boy1: That's not marijuana. [SCENE_BREAK] Beverly: I'm pretty sure firearm accuracy isn't a prerequisite for teaching. Will: Well, I've been in the field before. Beverly: Now you're back in the saddle. Ish. Will: Ish indeed. Took me 10 shots to drop Hobbs. Beverly: Zeller wanted to give you the bullets he pulled out of Hobbs in an acrylic case, but I told him you wouldn't think it was funny. Will: Probably not. Beverly: I suggested one of those clackin' swingin' ball things. Will: That would've been funny. Beverly: You're a Weaver. I took you for an isosceles guy. Will: I have a rotator cuff issue so I have to use the Weaver stance. Beverly: You are tight. Will: I got stabbed when I was a cop. Beverly: Yeah, I got stabbed in the third grade with a number two pencil. Thought I was gonna get lead poisoning. Will: Uh, no lead in pencils; It's graphite. Beverly: See if that helps with the recoil. Will: That was better. You come all the way down here to teach me how to shoot? Beverly: No. Jack sent me down here to find out what you know about gardening. (crow cawing) Jack: So, Lecter gave you the all-clear. Therapy might work on you after all. Will: Therapy is an acquired taste which I have yet to acquire. But, uh, it served your purpose. I'm back in the field. Jack: Local police found tire tracks on a hidden service road and some small animal traps in the surrounding area. Will: He wanted to keep his crop undisturbed. Jack: The only thing missing is the scarecrow. [SCENE_BREAK] Jimmy: OK, we've got nine bodies, various stages of decay, and as you can see, all very well fertilized. Beverly: He buried them in a high-nutrient compost. He was enthusiastically encouraging decomposition. Brian: They were buried alive with the intention of keeping them that way. I mean, for a little while. Jimmy: : Long enough for the fungus to eat away any distinguishing characteristics. Brian: Line and rebar were used to administer intravenous fluids after they were buried. He was feeding them something. Will: No restraints? Jimmy: Just dirt. Beverly: The other end of the air-supply system comes up over there. It isn't a very considerate clean air solution, which clearly wasn't a priority, 'cause he isn't lazy. Will: No, he's not. Beverly: You find any shitakes? Brian: : No. Jack: Welcome back. [SCENE_BREAK] Detective: Tell Sam to give me a call, will you? Thank you. Excuse me. Freddie: I'm one of the parents of the explorers who found the bodies. I wanted to thank you for being so good with all the boys. Detective: Those boys were very brave. Freddie: They are good boys. Detective: Yeah. Freddie: You're a local police detective? Detective: Yes ma'am. Freddie: Would it be an imposition to ask a few things? The boys are gonna have questions and I just want to be as honest with them as- Detective: Of course. Freddie: Can you, uh, tell me what that man is doing over there by himself? Detective: He's some kind of special consultant. Works for the FBI. Freddie: Huh. (sound muted) (soft ambient pulse) (Sound returns.) Will: I do not bind his arms or legs as I bury him in a shallow grave. (ventilator pumping) He's alive. But he will never be conscious again. He won't know that he's dying. I don't need him to. This is my design. [SCENE_BREAK] Detective: I think your family's leaving. Freddie: We drove separately. [SCENE_BREAK] (muffled gasp) (Will gasping) Will: I need an EMT! (person gasping) Katz: EMT! We need an EMT! Officer Zeller: Don't touch him! [SCENE_BREAK] Will: This may have been premature. Hannibal: What did you see? Out in the field. Will: Hobbs. Hannibal: An association? Will: A hallucination. I saw him lying there in someone else's grave. Hannibal: Did you tell Jack what you saw? Will: No! Hannibal: It's stress. Not worth reporting. You displaced the victim of another killer's crime with what could arguably be considered your victim. Will: I don't consider Hobbs my victim. Hannibal: What do you consider him? Will: Dead? Hannibal: Is it harder imagining the thrill somebody else feels killing, now that you've done it yourself? The arms. Why did he leave them exposed? To hold their hands? To feel the life leaving their bodies? Will: No, that's too esoteric for someone who took the time to bury his victims in a straight line. He's more practical. Hannibal: He was cultivating them. Will: He was keeping them alive. He was feeding them intravenously. Hannibal: But your farmer let his crops die. Save for the one that didn't. Will: Well, and the one that didn't died on the way to the hospital, though they weren't crops; They were the fertilizer. The bodies were covered in fungus. Hannibal: The structure of a fungus mirrors that of the human brain an intricate web of connections. Will: So maybe he admires their ability to connect the way human minds can't. Hannibal: Yours can. Will: (laughs) Yep. Um yeah, not physically. Hannibal: Is that what your farmer is looking for? Some sort of connection? [SCENE_BREAK] Hannibal: Have a good evening, Will. [SCENE_BREAK] Hannibal: Miss Kimball? Freddie: Yes. Hannibal: Good evening. Please come in. [SCENE_BREAK] Freddie: I've, uh, never seen a psychiatrist before. And I am unfortunately thorough, so you're one of three doctors I'm interviewing. It's more or less a bake-off. Hannibal: I'm very supportive of bake-offs. It's important you find someone you're comfortable with. Freddie: I can imagine you as my therapist, which is good. If I can't visualize opening up emotionally, I know it would be a problem. Hannibal: May I ask why now? Freddie: Do you mind if I ask you a few questions first? Hannibal: Of course not. Freddie: I love that you've written so much on social exclusion. Since that's why I'm here, I was wondering- Hannibal: Are you Freddie Lounds? Freddie: Ah... Hannibal: This is unethical, even for a tabloid journalist. Freddie: I am, uh, I am so embarrassed. Hannibal: I'm afraid I must ask for your bag. Freddie: What? Hannibal: Your bag. Please hand it over. I'd rather not take it from you. Thank you. Freddie: I was recording our conversation. Hannibal: Our conversation? Yours and mine? Freddie: Yes. Hannibal: No other conversation? Freddie: No. Hannibal: You were very persistent about your appointment time. How did you know when Will Graham would be here? Freddie: I may have also recorded your session with Will Graham. Hannibal: You didn't answer the question. How did you know? Freddie: I can't answer that question. Hannibal: Come. Sit by me. Delete the conversations you recorded. Doctor-patient confidentiality works both ways. Delete it, please. You've been terribly rude, Miss Lounds. What's to be done about that? [SCENE_BREAK] [ ♪ J.S. Bach: Cello Suite No.4: Prelude ] Hannibal: Loin, served with a Cumberland sauce of red fruits. Jack: Um, loin. What kind? Hannibal: Pork. Jack: Wonderful. I don't get many opportunities to, uh, eat home-cooked meals. My wife and I both work, and, uh, as hard as I tried not to, I did wind up marrying my mother. Hannibal: Your mother didn't cook? Jack: She did, she did. I only wish she didn't. There was this meal she used to prepare. She liked to call it "oriental noodles". Spaghetti, soy sauce, bouillon cubes, and spam. I was raised thin as a youngster. Hannibal: Well, next time, bring your wife. I'd love to have you both for dinner. Jack: Thank you. Mmm. Lovely. So, why do you think Will Graham... came back to see you? Hannibal: I'm sure he recognizes the necessity of his own support structure if he is to go on supporting you in the field. Jack: Well, I believe that a guy like Will Graham knows exactly what's going on inside of his head, which is why he doesn't want anyone else up there. Hannibal: Are you not accustomed to broken ponies in your stable? Jack: You think Will Graham's a broken pony? Hannibal: I think you think Will is a broken pony. Have you ever lost a pony, Jack? Jack: If you're asking me whether or not I've ever lost someone in the field, the answer is yes. Why? Hannibal: I want to understand why you're so delicate with Will. Because you don't trust him, or because you're afraid of losing another pony? Jack: I've already had my psych eval. Hannibal: Not by me. You've already told me about your mother. Why stop there? Jack: (laughing) Oh, great. All right. Mmm... [SCENE_BREAK] Will: What were they soaked in? Jimmy: A highly concentrated mixture of hardwoods, shredded newspaper, and pig poop perfect for growing mushrooms and other fungi. Brian: It was not the mushrooms, though. They all died of kidney failure. Beverly: Dextrose in all the catheters. He probably used some kind of dialysis or peristaltic to pump fluids after their circulatory systems broke down. Will: Force-feeding them sugar water? Jimmy: You know who loves sugar water? Mushrooms. They crave it. Brain: Recovering alcoholics. They crave sugar. Uh, don't take that personally, buddy. Jimmy: Oh, I'm not recovering. Brain: Feed sugar to the fungus in your body, the fungus creates alcohol, so it's like friends helping friends, really. Will: It's not just alcoholics who have compromised endocrine systems. They all died of kidney failure? Death by diabetic ketoacidosis. Beverly: Did you know they were diabetics? Brain: We don't know they were diabetics. Will: No, they're all diabetics. He induces a coma and puts them in the ground. Beverly: How is he inducing diabetic comas? Will: Changes their medication. So he's a doctor or a pharmacist or he works somewhere in medical services. Beverly: He buries them, feeds them sugar to keep them alive long enough for the circulatory systems to soak it up. Jimmy: So he can feed the mushrooms! Brian: We dug up his mushroom garden. Will: Yeah, he's gonna want to grow a new one. [SCENE_BREAK] Ms. Speck: I'm picking up a prescription for Gretchen Speck. Eldon: Gretchen Speck (typing) - Horowitz. Ms. Speck: Oh, it's just Speck. We're divorced. I lost the hyphen, kept the ring. Eldon: Insulin. Ms. Speck: Yes. Eldon: Oh. Oh, it's the wrong one. Just- Ms Speck: Uh-oh. Eldon: No, no, it's OK. Just gonna be one second. There. There you go. Oh, could you sign here please? And that's your correct address? Ms Speck: Yeah. Thank you. Eldon: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Eldon: Mrs. James. If you could sign here, please? Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Jack: She's the chain's 10th diabetic customer to disappear after filling a prescription for insulin, second to disappear from this exact location. Will: And the other eight? Jack: All over the county. One pharmacist all over the county as well. Will: Floater, huh? Jack: Floater's floating right here. Still logged in at his work station. Everyone please stop what you are doing. Put your hands in the air! Special Agent Jack Crawford. Which one of you is Eldon Stammets? [SCENE_BREAK] : Eldon was just here. Just now. Will: Is his car still in the parking lot? Jack: His car! [SCENE_BREAK] Will: Give me your baton. Ugh! (ventilator pumping) She's alive! Jack: EMTs! Now! All right. We know his name, we have his address, we have his car. Jimmy: Jack. We just checked the browser history at Stammets' work station. Jack: Am I gonna wanna hear this? Jimmy: No. And yes, but mostly no. [SCENE_BREAK] Brian: Freddie Lounds. TattleCrime.com. Beverly: "The FBI isn't just hunting psychopaths, they're headhunting them "too, offering competitive pay and benefits in the hopes of using one demented mind-" Jack: Keep going. Beverly: It's about Will. Jack: Go on. Beverly: "One demented mind to catch" She goes into a lot of detail. Jack: Son of a bitch. [SCENE_BREAK] Hannibal: You are naughty, Miss Lounds. [SCENE_BREAK] (knocking on door) Freddie: Who is it? (knocking on door) Who is it? Ah! Brian: : All clear. Freddie: I appreciate the pageantry, Agent Crawford, but you can't arrest me for writing an article. Jack: You entered a federal crime scene without permission. Freddie: Escorted by a detective. Jack: Under false pretence! Freddie: It is as good as permission. Jack: You lied to a police officer. Freddie: You can't arrest me for lying. Jack: You got all that information from a local detective? Friddie: Lots of talk about your man Graham. Not to mention the rivalry of who gets the collar. A local police detective looking for a pissing contest with the FBI might have some insight. Jack: And evidently did. Friddie: Sure did. Jack: You know, the unfortunate timing of your article allowed a murderer to escape. You were in Minnesota. You were in the Shrike's nest. You know how I know? 'Cause you left one of these hairs behind. You contaminated the crime scene. Just like everywhere you go, you contaminate crime scenes. That's obstructing justice. I can indict you for obstructing justice. Friddie: I'd appreciate it if you didn't. Jack: You don't write another word about Will Graham and I won't have to. Brian: You used me. (monitor beeping) (ventilator pumping) (footsteps) Alana: "He and the Grandmother discussed better times.", The old lady said that "in her opinion, Europe was entirely to blame for the way things were now. She said" Will: What are you reading? Alana: Flannery O'Connor. When I was Abigail's age, I was obsessed. I even tried to raise peacocks because she raised peacocks. But they were really stupid birds. Will: You could be reading to a killer. Alana: Innocent until guilty and all that. I'm about to broach the subject of that "Takes One to Know One" article. Will: Oh, that. Did Jack send you? Alana: No, I sent me. Will: I don't think we've ever been alone in a room together, have we? Alana: I haven't noticed. Have we? Not that we're necessarily alone now. Will: Yeah, right. Back to "Jack Crawford's crime gimp". Alana: It certainly creates an image. I don't need to talk about it if you don't. Will: No, no, we can talk about or not talk about whatever you want. Actually, I was I was just enjoying listening to you read. Alana: Abigail Hobbs is a success for you. Will: She doesn't look like a success. Alana: Don't feel sorry for yourself because you saved this girl's life. Will: I don't. I don't feel sorry for myself at all. I feel, um I-I I feel, um good. [SCENE_BREAK] Detective: Don't know where you got half that information. It wasn't from me. Freddie: I may have made some inferences. Detective: They think I told you all of it. Freddie: They saw you talking to me. Detective: They think it's my fault Stammets escaped. Freddie: I'm sorry I got you fired. Detective: I wasn't fired. I was suspended. Freddie: They're gonna fire you. Jack Crawford will make sure of that. Detective: You- You stir the hornet's nest, and I'm the one who gets stung? Freddie: I can help you get work outside the force, if you want me to. I know people in private security. Detective: Not the first cop you got fired. Freddie: Guarantee you it pays better. Right now, future you is thanking me- Eldon: I read your article. Tell me about Will Graham. [SCENE_BREAK] Freddie: Hey, Jack. Jack: Miss Lounds? Go ahead and stand down, officer. Miss Lounds, are you all right? Freddie: Where's Will Graham? Jack: We have an eyewitness to the murder. We don't need Will Graham. Freddie: No, that's not why I'm asking. Jack: Someone find me Will Graham! This is about Will? Freddie: He was talking about people having the same properties of a fungus. Jack: Stammets? Freddie: Thoughts leaping from brain to brain. They mutate, they evolve. Jack: Well, what does he want with Will Graham? Freddie: Someone who understands him. Graham was right. Stammets is looking for connections. Jack: What did you tell him? I need to know what you told Eldon Stammets about Will Graham. Freddie: I told him about the Hobbs girl. Jack: What did you tell him? Freddie: Everything. He wants to help Will Graham connect with Abigail Hobbs. He's gonna bury her. [SCENE_BREAK] (ding!) Will: Sorry. (ding!) (phone ringing) Hello? - [lt's Jack.] [Are you at the hospital?] Yes, I am. [Stammets knows about Abigail Hobbs.] Where is she? Abigail Hobbs, the girl in 408. Where is she? Nurse: They took her for tests. Will: Who took her? Who took her?! Nurse: I don't know! Will: Hey! (grunting in pain) What were you gonna do to her? Eldon: We all evolved from mycelium. I'm simply reintroducing her to the concept. Will: By burying her alive? Eldon: The journalist said you understood me! Will: I don't. Eldon: Well, you would have. You would have. If you walk through a field of mycelium, they know you are there. They know you are there. The spores reach for you as you walk by. I know who you're reaching for. I know. Abigail Hobbs. And you should have let me plant her. You would have found her in a field, where she was finally able to reach back! [SCENE_BREAK] Hannibal: When you shot Eldon Stammets, who was it that you saw? Will: I didn't see Hobbs. Hannibal: Then it's not Hobbs' ghost that's haunting you, is it? It's the inevitability of there being a man so bad that killing him felt good. Will: Killing Hobbs felt just. Hannibal: Which is why you're here to prove that sprig of zest you feel is from saving Abigail, not from killing her dad. Will: I didn't feel a sprig of zest when I shot Eldon Stammets. Hannibal: You didn't kill Eldon Stammets. Will: I thought about it. I'm still not entirely sure that wasn't my intention pulling the trigger. Hannibal: If your intention was to kill him, it's because you understand why he did the things he did. It's beautiful in its own way giving voice to the unmentionable. Will: I should've stuck to fixing boat motors in Louisiana. Hannibal: A boat engine is a machine, a predictable problem, easy to solve. You fail, there's a paddle. Where was your paddle with Hobbs? Will: You're supposed to be my paddle. Hannibal: I am. It wasn't the act of killing Hobbs that got you down, was it? Did you really feel so bad because killing him felt so good? Will: I liked killing Hobbs. Hannibal: Killing must feel good to God too. He does it all the time. And are we not created in his image? Will: That depends who you ask. Hannibal: God's terrific. He dropped a church roof on 34 of his worshippers last Wednesday night in Texas, while they sang a hymn. Will: And did God feel good about that? Hannibal: He felt powerful.

Will Graham helps to find a murderer who uses his victims as fertilizer to grow mushrooms. Tabloid blogger Fredricka "Freddie" Lounds ( Lara Jean Chorostecki ) snoops around the crime scene and Dr. Lecter's office to write a story about Graham, which the killer uses to stay a step ahead of the investigation. Meanwhile, Graham and Dr. Lecter discuss their mutual feeling of responsibility for Abigail Hobbs ( Kacey Rohl ), which leads Graham to begin opening up to the doctor. The killer is revealed to be a pharmacist who preys on diabetics and is obsessed with the similarities between the structures of fungi and the human mind: Graham intercepts and shoots him in the arm as he attempts to kidnap the unconscious Abigail Hobbs. During another session with Lecter, Graham reluctantly admits that he found killing Garrett Jacob Hobbs "just"; Lecter likens it to a feeling of being God.

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fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_05x20_0

FLASH OPEN: [EXT. VARIOUS LOS ANGELES CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [HOLLYWOOD STREET SIGN] WHITE FLASH TO: [EXT. VARIOUS HOLLYWOOD (STREET) - NIGHT] (Various shots of prostitutes walking the street in front of various establishments.) Dakota: Hey. "JERSEY" (ELLIE): Hey. You get anything? Dakota: No. (A car pulls up alongside them.) "DAKOTA": My, uh, knight in shining German armor has arrived. "JERSEY" (ELLIE): See if he has room for two. (Dakota sighs. They lock pinkies as Dakota heads for the car.) "JERSEY" (ELLIE): Careful. (Dakota leans over the curb and looks into the car.) Dakota: Hey. You wanna party? (Dakota looks back at "Jersey". Dakota gets into the car and closes the door. She waves back at "Jersey".) ("Jersey" signals for Dakota to give her a call. The car drives away.) FLASH TO: [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - DESK - MORNING] ("Jersey" is at the police station. The officer at the desk isn't too interested in what she's saying.) Officer: It's only been a few hours. "JERSEY" (ELLIE): Dakota always calls me. We have a system. Something is wrong. Officer: Why don't you go home, Jersey? Eat something for once, get some sleep. (Disgusted, "Jersey" turns to leave. With a last look at the officer, she slaps her hand on the counter in frustration, then leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY] (Walking along the sidewalk, "Jersey" takes out her cell phone and dials.) INTERCUT WITH: [INT. (LAS VEGAS) POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE - DAY] (Brass is working when his phone rings. He puts the pen down and answers it.) Brass: (to phone) Hello. Ellie Brass: Hello, Dad? Brass: Ellie. Are you okay? SMASH CUT TO: END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Brass steps out of his office and looks both ways down the hallway. He sees the sheriff and heads over to him.) Brass: Oh, hey, Sheriff. I'm glad I caught you. (Brass stops in front of the sheriff.) Brass: Um ... I got to take some emergency leave. It's a ... it's a family matter. Sheriff Burdick: I didn't know you had a family. Brass: Well, you're new. We haven't had a chance to talk. Um ... I, uh, briefed my lieutenant on my cases. He'll cover for me for a couple of days. Sheriff Burdick: This is not a good time for family problems. All the narco guys are at a HIDTA conference. I got no backup. I'm still learning the ropes here. (Brass chuckles.) Brass: Well, it's never a good time to have a family problem, Sheriff. Look, I don't ask for time off normally. I'd appreciate the courtesy. Sheriff Burdick: Do I have a choice here, Jim? (The sheriff continues down the hallway.) Sheriff Burdick: (over his shoulder) Get back here as soon as you can. (Brass watches the sheriff go.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MIKE'S DINER (STOCK) -- DAY] [INT. MIKE'S DINER - DAY] (The waitress takes the money off the counter. Brass stands in front of the small counter-top display and picks up a cellophane-wrapped gift with a small pink bear near the ribbon tie on top.) (Brass puts the small gift on the counter. He counts out the bills and pays the cashier.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [HIGHWAY] (Top view down of the highway.) [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - HIGHWAY - DAY] [EXT. CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. POLICE DEPARTMENT BUILDING - DAY] (Brass walks up to the front of the building.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - OFFICE - DAY] (Brass and Annie Kramer hug.) Annie Cramer: You look good, Jimmy. Brass: You do, too, Annie. (Annie Kramer goes to sit behind her desk.) Brass: L.A. seems to agree with you. Annie Cramer: Oh, yeah, well, I couldn't take another Jersey winter. (She sits down. Brass sits down across her desk.) Annie Cramer: Or another Jersey cop. Brass: You stay in touch with the old crew? Annie Cramer: You know, dirty cops don't like to hang with clean ones. Brass: So that's why they called me squeaky? Annie Cramer: I thought what you did took a lot of guts. Integrity is, um, hard to come by in vice. Brass: Yeah, it's the only detail where you're told to drink, gamble and pick up hookers, all the while carrying a gun. Annie Cramer: Garden of Eden. Temptation kills you, or it compromises you. Brass: So, you got my message? My daughter Ellie and her friend Dakota were out partying and Dakota got in some guy's car. Ellie was able to pull a partial. Something about a whale tail. (Brass hands Annie Kramer the notebook paper with: CA PLATE 1TA ) Annie Cramer: California Coastal Commission specialty plates. I'll run it through DMV. Cross reference with BMWs. In the meantime, I pulled Dakota's rap sheet. Brass: She has a sheet? Annie Cramer: They both do. (Brass nods.) Annie Cramer: She, uh, works a stretch on Hollywood Boulevard between Highland and Vine. (She hands the file to Brass. He opens it and sees a photo of Dakota holding the ID numbers: POLICE DEPT Annie Cramer: When was the last time you saw Ellie, Jimmy? Brass: About three years ago. Um, she got into some trouble in Vegas. Hanging around with a bad bunch. (Brass looks at the rap sheet: REYNOLDS, SASHA DOB: 03/04/83 s*x/F RAC/C WGT/120 EYE/BRO AKA: 01 DAKOTA KNOWN ASSOCIATES: BRASS, ELLIE AKA: JERSEY ) (Brass catches a glimpse of the name and looks away.) Brass: Looks like her taste in people hasn't changed much. (He shuts the file. Annie hands Brass a slip of paper.) Annie Cramer: Here. Last known address. In case you don't have it. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STREET -- DAY] (Brass pulls up the front of a dingy apartment building. In the background, a dog barks. Brass gets out of the car and looks at the building. Graffiti litters the walls. He looks up and sees Ellie step up to the open window.) (He reaches into the car and grabs his cell phone. We note the pink bear gift in the front seat. With his eye on the window, he makes the call.) Brass: Ellie, it's your dad. Ellie Brass: (to phone) How'd you get this number? Brass: Relax, take it easy. I got it off caller I.D. Ellie Brass: (to phone) Oh, okay. So did you make the call? Brass: Yeah. LAPD's looking into it. Ellie Brass: (to phone) Thanks. Brass: Hey, how are you doing? Ellie Brass: (to phone) Great, actually. Livin' at the beach, temping, waiting tables. Got some really good friends. (As Brass watches, a man steps up to the window next to Ellie. He's smoking a pipe and offers it to her. She inhales. He also inhales.) Ellie Brass: (to phone) It's a big bowl of cherries. (She smiles. The man puts his arm around her waist and lingers.) Brass: (to phone) Okay, um, I'll call you when I hear something, all right? (Brass hangs up.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. (KOREATOWN) - NIGHT] (Cops are parked around an area. Brass gets out of his car and meets with Annie Kramer.) Annie Cramer: Hey, Jim. Brass: Hey. Annie Cramer: We found the beemer. Found these two kids trying to hotwire it. Whale tail license plate starting with One-T-A. Brass: Let's talk to them. Annie Cramer: I'll talk, you listen. (Annie and Brass walk up to the two kids.) Annie Cramer: All right, what the hell's the matter with you? You looking to die young? 'Cause you can do it inside in lock-up or outside with this wanna-be gang banger stealing cars crap. Kid 1: We weren't stealing nothing. Window was already busted. Car wouldn't even start. We were just playing around. Annie Cramer: You like playing with cars, huh? LAPD's having a car wash fund-raiser on Saturday. You just signed yourselves up. You're welcome. (She steps up and motions to the officer nearby.) Annie Cramer: Come on. (The officer unlocks the kids' handcuffs.) Brass: So, no Rudy Giuliani broken windows theory here, huh? Annie Cramer: Jimmy, windows are already broken. Someone's got to fix 'em. (They walk up to the BMW for a closer look. Brass notices a sticker on the broken windshield.) Brass: Hey, check this out. B-H-G-C? Annie Cramer: Looks like a country club or something. Doesn't read like Koreatown. I'll have my guys run the plates. Brass: Anybody checked the trunk? Annie Cramer: Not yet. (Brass opens the hood.) (The spare tire is missing.) Annie Cramer: Doesn't look good for Ellie's friend. (Annie takes out her cell phone and dials.) INTERCUT WITH: [INT. LOBBY (HIDTA CONFERENCE) - NIGHT] (Matt Glazer answers his phone.) Matt Glazer: (to phone) Glazer. Yeah, we're just finishing up. No traffic. I'll be there in about twenty minutes. Okay. (He hangs up and taps Warrick on his shoulder.) Matt Glazer: Vegas? (Warrick turns around.) Warrick: Hmm? Matt Glazer: You know a Jim Brass? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. VARIOUS LOS ANGELES CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) -- NIGHT] [EXT. (KOREATOWN) -- NIGHT] (Warrick and Matt Glazer arrive at the site.) Warrick: Where he at? Matt Glazer: (points) (garbled) Over there. (Warrick walks over to Brass.) Warrick: Jim. Brass: Rick. Rick, what are you doing here? Warrick: I'm here for the HIDTA conference. Buddy of mine from L.A.P.D. told me there was a new captain in town, stirring things up. What are you doing here? Brass: Ah, it's a long, sad story, man. Warrick: Have anything to do with a feisty little blonde named Ellie? Brass: She's not a blonde anymore. Let's check out the car. (Brass and Warrick head over to the car. Annie Kramer stands near the trunk. Brass makes the introductions.) Brass: Captain Annie Kramer, this is Warrick Brown from Las Vegas. Annie Cramer: Good to meet you. (They shake hands.) Warrick: Good to meet you. Matt Glazer: (to Brass) Matt Glazer, L.A.P.D. Crime lab. Brass: Hey, Jim Brass. (They shake hands.) (Warrick looks at the car.) Warrick: Well, I thought L.A. was all about car culture. This reminds me of home. Matt Glazer: Trunk's been stripped clean. Warrick: Too clean. Matt Glazer: Oh, they missed a spot. (Camera zooms in to the spot that was missed.) Matt Glazer: Looks like two large caliber bullet holes. Warrick: But a bullet hole wouldn't make those markings. What is that? Matt Glazer: I don't know. Warrick: It looks like a tool marking. (Quick flash of: A crowbar-like tool is in the hole being jammed in and twisted around, leaving the area scratched up. End of flash. Resume to present.) Matt Glazer: Let's haul it back to impound and find out. (Matt Glazer picks up his things and heads out. He looks at Annie Kramer.) Matt Glazer: I'll be in touch. Annie Cramer: Thanks. Warrick: Hey, you know, uh, Jim, I'm here all weekend. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call. (to Annie) Pleasure meeting you. Annie Cramer: Same here. (Warrick walks past Brass.) Warrick: (to Brass) Remember, what happens in L.A., stays in L.A. (Warrick leaves. Brass looks at Annie.) Annie Cramer: You still a scotch man? Brass: I'll take a rain check, okay. (He smiles and winks at her. Brass turns and walks away.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HOLLYWOOD (STREET) - NIGHT] (A car pulls up to the curb. Ellie gets out; the car leaves. She starts walking along the sidewalk.) (Another car pulls up to the curb. She walks up to the car and knocks on the glass.) Ellie Brass: Hey, baby, you want to party? (Brass rolls down the window. Ellie looks at her dad.) Brass: Ellie ... Ellie Brass: Oh, I can't ever trust you. All I did was ask you to make a call. Brass: How's the beach house? Ellie Brass: Go to hell. Brass: I have information about your friend, Dakota. Get in. Ellie Brass: All right. But I'm not playing twenty questions with you. (Ellie slips into the car.) (Just then, a cop car passes, lights flashing.) Ellie Brass: So, did you find her body? (Brass looks at Ellie.) Brass: No. But we found the car. Ellie Brass: So she could still be alive? Brass: We found blood in the trunk. Ellie Brass: No, no, no, she's alive. I can feel it. Brass: Look, do you have anything with her DNA on it, like a hair brush or toothbrush or ... ? Ellie Brass: No. We keep all that stuff in our purse. Brass: How about clothes or sheets or pillowcases, like that? Ellie Brass: We share everything else. Brass: Even the bed? Ellie Brass: I told you I'm not playing that game. Brass: If the lab doesn't have anything to match the blood to, then we'll never know. That's it. (She looks away and sniffs.) Brass: Come on, let's get some dinner, huh? You look hungry. Ellie Brass: Wait. Blood. We went and got tested last week at the free clinic on Ivar. Maybe they keep it. Brass: Tested for what? Ellie Brass: What do you think? Brass: Don't you use protection? Ellie Brass: Guys pay extra for bareback. (She looks away. Brass sighs.) Brass: You're a lot smarter than that, Ellie. Come on. Ellie Brass: Yeah, well, just because you want me to be smarter and sweeter and safer doesn't mean I am. And I got to go. Guess you know how to find me if you hear anything. Brass: Don't go away. Don't-don't leave, don't leave. Ellie Brass: You're one to talk. All my life, that's all you did, walk out. Now we're gonna Norman Rockwell it? Look around, Dad. It's too late. Brass: Don't leave. (Ellie gets out of the car.) Ellie Brass: Leave me alone. (She slams the door and leaves.) Brass: Ellie. Ellie! (Camera holds on Brass.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FREE CLINIC -- DAY] [INT. FREE CLINIC - HALLWAY -- DAY] (Brass and Annie talk with the doctor at the Free Clinic.) Doctor: Here at the clinic, we pride ourselves a confidential relationship with our patients. This is a highly unusual request. Annie Cramer: I understand, but we're investigating a possible homicide here. Brass: We found blood in the trunk of a car. We have reason to believe it could be Sasha Reynolds', street name Dakota. Annie Cramer: We're not interested in whether it's positive or negative. We need it for the DNA. (A young blonde woman walks up to the doctor.) Doctor: How many do you need? Woman: Ten. (The doctor looks at her. The woman looks sheepish.) Woman: Twelve. (The doctor looks at the clerk who hands her the condoms. The doctor hands the condoms to the woman.) Brass: Is that all the help they get? Doctor: These kids come from all over the place with stars in their eyes. While they're waiting to be discovered, they still got to pay their rent. They do a bump to turn their first trick. Next they're turning tricks to get their next bump. We do what we can. You do what you do. (Annie's phone rings.) Annie Cramer: Excuse me. (She steps away to answer it. The clerk hands the doctor a zip-loc bag with the vial of blood in it. The doctor hands it to Brass.) Annie Cramer: (to phone) (o.s.) Yeah. Kramer. Doctor: Good luck. Brass: Good luck to you, too, doctor. Annie Cramer: (to phone) You're kidding me. Terrific. Okay. We're on it. Bye. (She hangs up as Brass steps up to her.) Annie Cramer: We got an R.O. on the car. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HOLLYWOOD SIGN (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. PICCONE RESIDENCE - FRONT DRIVE - DAY] (Annie Kramer and Brass walk up the front drive of the large home. Brass picks up the paper and follows Annie to the front door.) [EXT. PICCONE RESIDENCE - FRONT PORCH - DAY] (Annie rings the doorbell. The door opens. A young, well-dressed man in a suit and tie answers. He smiles at Annie.) Todd Piccone: Captain Kramer. Annie Cramer: Hey, Todd. (Todd glances at Brass.) Todd Piccone: What's up? Annie Cramer: I, uh, stumbled across something. Thought I'd pay you a house call. You missing a car? Todd Piccone: Yeah, it was stolen. (Again, Todd glances at Brass.) Annie Cramer: You didn't report it. Todd Piccone: No, I didn't. Annie Cramer: What's that about? (Todd turns and looks at Brass.) Todd Piccone: Who are you? (Brass smiles at Todd.) Annie Cramer: I'm sorry, this is an old friend of mine, Captain Jim Brass, Vegas P.D. (Brass gives Todd his newspaper. Todd puts the paper aside.) Todd Piccone: Off the record? Annie Cramer: Okay. Todd Piccone: I went down the hill. I was, um ... lonely. Partook of the services of a certain kind of young lady. And while we were getting acquainted, I was carjacked. (Quick flash of: [NIGHT] Todd Piccone and Dakota are in the car when someone carrying a gun taps on his window.) Dakota: Just relax. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Todd Piccone: I was set up. It was probably her pimp or drug dealer. Brass: How'd you get up the hill? Todd Piccone: Took a cab. Brass: They didn't take your wallet? Todd Piccone: Oh, the car was worth more than the cash. They knew what they were doing. Brass: It's a pretty sweet ride. I'm still hung up on why you didn't report it. Todd Piccone: Captain, maybe I should introduce myself. Todd Piccone, Assistant City Attorney. Let's just say that my reputation is worth more than my car. Brass: Then maybe you should stop having dates in your front seat. (Annie turns and looks at Brass.) Todd Piccone: You're right. Lesson learned. Thank you, officer. (Todd turns back to Annie.) Todd Piccone: So the car was stripped, I'm sure, uh ... South Central? Koreatown? East L.A.? Annie Cramer: Koreatown. Brass: How would you know that? Todd Piccone: 'Cause, Captain, that's where good cars go to die in Los Angeles. Annie Cramer: Hey, Todd, I don't suppose we could take a look around? Todd Piccone: Uh, yeah. You know, I'm expecting company. Now's not a good time. (He closes the door on them.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CAR (MOVING) - DAY] Brass: We need to get a warrant to get into that house. [INT. CAR (MOVING) - DAY] (Annie drives.) Annie Cramer: Oh, yeah? Well, we don't have enough. Brass: Enough for a city attorney? Annie Cramer: You know, give me a break. You know how many cars get jacked in L.A. every day? He admitted to being with a prostitute. What makes you think he's not telling the truth about the rest? Brass: He's hinky. I can feel it. Annie Cramer: Your gut can talk to my Judge. Or better yet, talk to Ellie. You should. You should get the 4-1-1 on Dakota from her. Brass: There's an unreliable witness. So what do we do now? (She sighs.) Annie Cramer: We eat steak. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MUSSO'S GRILL (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. MUSSO'S GRILL - DAY] (Annie leads Brass into the restaurant.) Annie Cramer: Tony, how are you doing? Table for two, please, in the back, if you could. Brass: What are we doing here again? Annie Cramer: I'm doing you a big favor. (As they head toward the back, they come across a large table with various well- dressed powerful men. Judge Silvio Peters stands up to greet Annie.) Judge Silvio Peters: Annie, hello. Annie Cramer: Hey, Judge Peters. What a nice surprise. Judge Silvio Peters: Nice to see you. Annie Cramer: Good to see you. How's that porterhouse? Judge Silvio Peters: Eh, I haven't started yet. (Annie introduces Brass to the group of men.) Annie Cramer: Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet an old friend of mine, Captain Jim Brass, LVPD. Brass: Hey. Annie Cramer: This is Judge Silvio Peters, Councilman Joe Cohen. Brass: Judge, Councilman. Annie Cramer: Comptroller Daniel Reichmann, and Vic Patterson. (Brass shakes Vic Patterson's hand.) Brass: Hey, Vic, how are you doing? Vic Patterson: Soon to be mayor. (Vic Patterson laughs.) Vic Patterson: Hey, you know what? We shot a couple episodes of my show in Vegas. You remember that? Right? Brass: Right. Vic Patterson: The Eagle. Yeah, you guys were great. You always treated us really well. Brass: Well, we try. Annie Cramer: Remember how great he was as that cop? (Vic Patterson laughs.) Annie Cramer: Like he was playing you. (The others around the table laugh.) Brass: Well, that's not easy. (As they continue talking, Annie walks over to Judge Silvio Peters and speaks to him quietly.) Annie Cramer: (to Judge Silvio Peters) Listen, since I happened to run into you ... we found Todd Piccone's car just off of Vermont. Had bullet holes and blood in the trunk. He claims it was stolen, but I'm hoping that I could get a look around his house a bit ... Vic Patterson: Oh, you know what? Let me get you an autograph or something. Little something for me. And a little something for you. (Vic Patterson reaches into his jacket pocket for a pen. Brass happens to catch the tie clip he's wearing with the letters B-H-G-C on it.) Judge Silvio Peters: If you had enough for a warrant, you wouldn't be here. You'd be on your cell phone, calling me from Tommy Burger. (Annie suspected as much.) Annie Cramer: Finish your steak before it gets cold. (Vic Patterson gives Brass the napkin with his autograph on it.) Vic Patterson: There you are. Brass: I'm touched. Thank you, man. Thank you. Gentlemen. Annie Cramer: Enjoy your lunch, gentlemen. Nice to see you. Judge Silvio Peters: You as well. (Annie and Brass leave the table.) Annie Cramer: (to Brass) Strike one, your turn. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. HALLWAY - DAY] (Annie and Brass walk through the hallway. We hear a television set playing loudly. They stop at apartment 2-F. Annie knocks on the door.) (Ellie opens the door.) Ellie Brass: Oh. Well, if it isn't Dick Tracy and his little sidekick, Nancy Drew. Annie Cramer: We're here on official business. Just let us in. (Annie steps into the apartment. Ellie turns around and heads inside. Brass steps inside. On the television is an ad for Vic Patterson's campaign.) Vic Patterson: (from tv) Vote Vic Patterson. Put some action back in government. (Ellie sits on the bed.) Announcer: (from tv) Vic Patterson has a plan for Los Angeles. He wants to restore trust in City Hall. Vic Patterson has the energy it takes to get Los Angeles back on track ... Annie Cramer: You and Dakota have the same pimp? Ellie Brass: No. We don't have a pimp. We're independent. Brass: I can see that. Annie Cramer: Look, if she were gonna pull a con with some guy, who would it be? Ellie Brass: She's not like that. Annie Cramer: So other than her customers, there's, what, no men in her life? You and she are ... Ellie Brass: Roommates. Brass: Look, you can be cute, or you can help us find your friend. What's it gonna be? Ellie Brass: Well, there's this guy named Ronnie, all right? He was kind of like her boyfriend. Sometimes he would get jealous when she turned tricks. Annie Cramer: Where do we find this Casanova? (She points upstairs.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HALLWAY - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Brass leads Annie through the hallway.) Annie Cramer: Look, you know I can't go in there without probable cause or a warrant. Brass: You're not gonna arrest me for breaking and entering, are you? (Annie sighs.) Annie Cramer: Jimmy, what are you hoping to find in there? Brass: I'll know it when I see it. (Brass knocks on the door.) (With his gun out, he breaks the door in. He and Annie linger in the doorway.) (Inside the apartment is a regular meth lab - buckets, containers, supplies and a hot plate on the tables, chairs and floors.) Brass: Smelled something in the hallway. That's why we broke in, right? Annie Cramer: Yep. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. APARTMENT - DAY] (Warrick picks up an empty box and looks at it.) Annie Cramer: L.A. has over two hundred criminalists. You got to bring your own guy? Brass: Well, Rick is like a vampire. He needs to be invited in. (Warrick hears that one and smiles.) Annie Cramer: If this goes to court, Warrick's going to have to come back and testify. (Warrick stands up.) Warrick: Well, you got beaches, bikinis. Free trip to L.A.? I'm down. (He looks around.) So we got coffee filters, cough medicine, matches, camping fuel ... hot plates. Brass: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Warrick: If this is a meth lab, then there would be free iodine coated all over these walls. And if Matt packed this kit right, I would have some spray starch (Warrick opens the kit and takes out a spray can. Warrick walks over to the nearest wall.) Warrick: ... that would react with the iodine ... (Warrick sprays the wall and it turns blue.) Warrick: ... turning it a nice dodger blue. Yes, it's a meth lab. (Quick flash to: [TOP VIEW DOWN OF TABLE] Fast Forward. Ronnie picks off the items from the table and goes around the room between tables as he works on creating his stuff. He puts the dish on the hot plate and takes a drink of beer as he watches it bubble and cook. The stuff in the dish hardens into powder.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) Annie Cramer: So meth dealer and his hooker girlfriend looking for a quick score. Carjacking's not such a stretch. Neighbors are lucky he didn't blow the whole building up. Brass: No guns, no blood. Nothing in plain sight linking him to Dakota's disappearance. Annie Cramer: Well, we'll haul him in on manufacturing. We'll get what we can out of him. Warrick: Jail would be an improvement over this hole. (Suddenly, Ronnie appears in the doorway brandishing a gun, nervously waving it from side to side. Annie and Brass both take their guns out and point it steadily at Ronnie.) Annie Cramer: Drop the gun! Now! Brass: Put the gun down! Ronnie: Bad guys go away. Brass: Put the gun down. Ronnie: You're trying to rob me? Annie Cramer: Drop the gun! Ronnie: I'm being robbed by cops? You're trying to rob me! (Warrick stays where he is and watches.) (Ronnie starts to cry.) Brass: (slowly, clearly) Don't make me shoot you. Put the gun down. Annie Cramer: Come on. (Ronnie puts the gun down on the ground. He puts his hands over his face as he cries.) (Camera holds on Brass.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. -- NIGHT] (Coroners remove the dead body. They carry it in an open bag to the gurney waiting on the grass nearby. In the background, we see Brass standing with Ellie.) Annie Cramer: How long has the body been here? Officer: ... about three and a half hours now. (They put the body on the gurney. Brass and Ellie walk as the coroners wheel the body a little up the path.) Officer: Jogger found her, called it in. Description matched your broadcast. (Quick flash of CGI POV: The body hits the water and sinks to the bottom. The longer the body stays on the bottom of the water, the body fills with gasses that expand and fill it.) Officer: (V.O.) Looks like body gas has brought her to the top. (End of CGI POV. Resume to present.) Officer: God, somebody beat the pulp out of her. Any leads? Annie Cramer: Yeah, he's detoxing in the tank. (She looks at the officer.) Annie Cramer: This is why I don't believe in easy money. (The officer nods. Annie turns to Ellie.) Annie Cramer: Ellie. Brass: You have to identify the body. (Brass leads Ellie to the gurney. As they get nearer, Annie leads Ellie to the gurney. Ellie pulls away, but Annie holds on to her.) (Brass walks away.) Ellie Brass: I'm going to be sick. Annie Cramer: No, come here. Come on. Look, I just need an answer. Is this your friend? (Ellie looks at the gurney and nods as she holds back her tears.) (Done, she breaks away.) Brass: (softly) Hey. Hey. (Ellie brushes past Brass, ignoring him.) (Brass' phone rings. Brass turns and watches Ellie run across the playground area outside the crime scene tape. She sits on the slide. Brass answers his phone.) (Brass sighs.) Brass: (to phone) Brass. Sheriff: (from phone) Family business? INTERCUT WITH: [INT. (LAS VEGAS) POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - NIGHT] (The sheriff walks through the hallway while he's on the phone.) Sheriff: That is a wedding or a funeral, or a bar mitzvah. That is not permission to become a vice cop in another jurisdiction. Get back here now. Brass: Who you been talking to? Sheriff: Not that it matters. The police chief called me after Judge Peters called him. I hear they do a nice t-bone at Musso's. Brass: Look, my kid's in trouble, Ben. Sheriff: Well, if she's not dead, you get your ass back here. (Brass watches as Ellie cries.) Brass: Look, write me up for insubordination. I can't come back now. (Brass hangs up.) (Annie watches as Brass lifts the crime scene tape and heads over to Ellie.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. (LOS ANGELES) POLICE DEPARTMENT -- INTERVIEW ROOM - NIGHT] (Annie Kramer interviews Ronnie.) Annie Cramer: You have a prior. Mandatory minimum for manufacturing -- ten to fifteen. (Brass watches from the observation room.) Annie Cramer: You start to talk about Dakota, we'll see what we can do. Ronnie: Dakota? Now, what that crazy bitch got to do with this, huh? What, she snitched on me? Annie Cramer: Not before you killed her. Ronnie: I didn't kill nobody. Annie Cramer: You have a relationship with her? Ronnie: Yeah, we kicked it, all right? We kicked it. Look, I would never kill no girl with all that good ... all right, look, let's just say I enjoyed having her live downstairs from me, man. Listen ... she knew when to open her mouth and when to keep it closed. Now, her girl, Jersey ... oh, God, the best mouth I ever had. Mmm. That mouth gave me a lot of pleasure. It just never stopped. Annie Cramer: Where were you two nights ago? Ronnie: Out. Annie Cramer: (hard) Be more specific! Ronnie: I-I-I was seeing customers, all right? Annie Cramer: Dakota? Ronnie: No. Annie Cramer: You like BMWs? Ronnie: (shouts, agitated) Bitch, what the f- ... What are you talking about?! (The officer in the room steps forward; Annie stops him.) Annie Cramer: Watch your mouth! I'll lay it out for you. (Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] Ronnie knocks on the BMW's glass. The door opens.) Ronnie: Come on, man. Get out of the car. Todd Piccone: All right. (Todd Piccone gets out of the car.) [SCENE_BREAK] (The BMW drives away, leaving Todd Piccone outside.) [INT. CAR (MOVING) - NIGHT] (Ronnie talks with Dakota.) Ronnie: So, how was he? Dakota: What do you mean? Ronnie: You wasn't supposed to do him. (He hits her in the face. She screams.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Dakota is in the trunk of the car, her face beaten. Ronnie points the gun at her and fires.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Ronnie takes the body out of the car and dumps it in the pond.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Ronnie: You want me to admit to a murder I didn't commit so you can reduce a drug charge? (He sniffs and shakes his head.) Ronnie: What, you high, right? Y-y-you must me high. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - OBSERVATION ROOM - CONTINUOUS] (Annie joins Brass in the observation room. She closes the door.) Annie Cramer: I'm sorry you had to hear that. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY - DAY] (Brass steps out into the hallway and walks over to Ellie.) Ellie Brass: What did he say? (Brass shakes his head and walks past her.) Ellie Brass: Dad? Brass: You were right; I shouldn't have come. Ellie Brass: I told you he didn't do it. It was that guy in the car. You've got to find him. Brass: Don't you understand? We just pulled your best friend out of a lake. I mean, it was just luck it wasn't you. Ellie Brass: Yeah, well, it wasn't me. Brass: Yeah, not today. But look at you. You've turned yourself into a disposable human being. Don't you get it? You're nothing but plumbing. Ellie Brass: What, you're going to send me to my room and ground me? Have a patrol car pick me up at prom? Or spank me? Brass: Okay. You're right. You're right. I messed up. But I'm just trying to do the best that I can. I wish you could say the same thing. (Brass turns and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. POLICE IMPOUND -- DAY] (Matt Glazer tests for gunshot residue.) Matt Glazer: Clothes test positive for lead wipe. Confirmed bullet hole. Warrick: Did her DNA match the blood that you swabbed from the trunk? Matt Glazer: Yeah, but the autopsy report said she wasn't shot. Warrick: So, what's with the bullet holes? (They think about it for a moment.) Warrick: Clean-up. (Quick flash of: The gun fires twice. The crowbar is put into the hole. End of flash. Resume to present.) (Warrick lies on a dolly and rolls under the car. He finds one bullet hole and sticks his pinky finger in the hole.) Warrick: One bullet exited. Is the other hole to the left or to the right? Matt Glazer: About seven and a half, eight inches up. (Warrick looks for it.) Warrick: That's the gas tank. (Matt Glazer empties the gas tank. The gasoline is stained red with blood. He searches the liquid and finds a bullet. Warrick picks up the bullet.) Matt Glazer: Looks like a .45. Big, fat and slow. Lucky for us, it didn't have enough power to go through-and-through the gas tank. Warrick: Yeah. Look at that. No wonder those hood rats couldn't get the car started. It won't run on blood. Matt Glazer: Well, that tweaker you busted just got bumped off the top of the list. He had a nine millimeter. Warrick: You think you could run this through IBIS? Matt Glazer: We do have that here. (Warrick smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MOTEL ROOM -- DAY] (Brass is on the phone.) Brass: (to phone) Hey, Doc, did you get my fax? INTERCUT WITH: [INT. (LAS VEGAS) CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY] (Doc Robbins is sitting at his desk and is on the phone.) Robbins: (to phone) Yeah, I did. Brass: (from phone) Yeah, well, it's all Greek to me. Can you help me out? Robbins: (to phone) Mmm, sure, of course. But I thought you were asked to come home. Brass: (from phone) I'll be home tomorrow. Robbins: (to phone) I hope she was worth it. Brass: (to phone) What do you mean? Robbins: (from phone) I don't know; I mean, you put your career on the line. I assume there's a woman involved. Brass: What are you, a detective now? Robbins: All right; let's take a look at this. FX, OC-- that's a fractured osseocartilaginous -- that's a broken nose. (Quick flash of: [AUTOPSY] Close-up of the examiner moving the nose.) Robbins: (V.O.) FX, ST, CL -- sternal clavicle, ... (The examiner feels the body's chest.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Robbins: ... and LAC, SDH on her head -- Lacerations and subdural hematomas. Brass: Cause of death? Robbins: It looks like exsanguination. Brass: So, she was beaten and left to die? Robbins: Beaten with something specific. The L.A. coroner noted repetitive patterned contusions. (Quick flash of: The repetitive patterns on the body.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: Anything else? Robbins: Yeah, the coroner's assistant who prepped her body ... (Quick flash of: The examiner collects the substance under the fingernails.) Robbins: (V.O.) ... collected a green, waxy substance under her fingernails. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Robbins: Also, looks like he found concrete chunks in a bag tied to her waist. (Brass picks up a couple of photos.) Brass: Probably what they used to weigh her down in the lake. (Quick flash of: The bag around Dakota's waist.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. PICCONE'S DRIVE - DAY] (Brass is looking at one of the concrete blocks dug up from Tony Piccone's drive. Annie Kramer is next to Brass.) Annie Cramer: You want to say I told you so? Brass: No. I just want it to be over with and have a happy ending. (Tony Piccone rushes out of the house escorted by two officers. He heads down the drive. Warrick and Matt Glazer are there. They stop talking and turn to watch.) Tony Piccone: What the hell's going on? What's up? Annie Cramer: Sorry, Todd. We got the warrant; we have to search. (Annie and Brass head for the house. Tony tries to follow them, but the officers stop him.) Tony Piccone: You got to be kidding me. Wha ... ? Officer: Stay here. (Warrick, Matt Glazer, Annie, and Brass head into the house.) Tony Piccone: I just had the floors polished. Will you at least take your shoes off, please? Brass: I sleep in my shoes, Todd. [INT. PICCONE'S RESIDENCE - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (They climb up the stairs to the second level.) Matt Glazer: This guy married? Annie Cramer: No. Matt Glazer: Mm-hmm. Anyone else's gaydar going off? Warrick: Well, he did have a female hooker in his ride. Brass: Well, maybe he swings both ways. Warrick: Why, because he has this nice shag carpet? (Warrick touches the carpet.) Warrick: This carpet's wet. (Matt Glazer and Warrick remove the shag carpet. They find a large bloodstain underneath.) Warrick: Oh, yeah. That's a lot of blood. Matt Glazer: How much, you figure? Warrick: I don't know -- two, three pints? Annie Cramer: Nobody loses that much blood and lives. Brass: She died in this room. Warrick: I don't think we'll be able to get any DNA off this. The carpet solvents probably compromised the sample. Brass: She was beaten multiple times. There must be some spatter or cast-off. (Matt reaches into his kit. He sprays the nearest wall. He gets a blue glow, but the wall television is on.) Matt Glazer: I can't get a clean read. (Warrick stands up near the wall television set.) Warrick: You know what? It's this metal surface. It's giving us a false positive. (Warrick puts his face to the side of the wall and looks at the television set.) Warrick: Does anyone see a remote? Brass: Yeah, got one right here. Warrick: Could you hit the input button until we find a blue screen? Brass: Yeah. (Brass changes the input to the blue screen. They find a large crack in the monitor glass. There's some blood in the crack.) Warrick: Look at that. Matt Glazer: I'll get a sample for DNA. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PICCONE RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Warrick and Brass walk through the kitchen.) Warrick: Nice place. Brass: Mmm. (Warrick opens the trash bins in the kitchen.) Brass: Who needs three trash bins? Warrick: Someone with a lot of dirt. (In the third trash bin, there are empty hard alcohol bottles.) Warrick: Wow. Big party. Tequila. Whiskey. Gin. Absinthe. Brass: The coroner found green wax under Dakota's fingernails. (Camera zooms in for a close-up of the nail marks on the green neck on one of the bottles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. (LOS ANGELES) POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY] (Annie Kramer interviews Tony Piccone.) Tony Piccone: (sighs) Yes, I solicited her. Annie Cramer: So, you admit to having sexual relations with Sasha Reynolds, A.K.A. Dakota? Tony Piccone: No. Annie Cramer: But money changed hands? Tony Piccone: I paid her $60. Annie Cramer: For what? Tony Piccone: I drove her back to my house and introduced her to a friend. Annie Cramer: And then? Tony Piccone: I have no knowledge of what happened after that. Annie Cramer: Does this friend have a name? Tony Piccone: Mmm. A big one. Annie Cramer: You know, Todd, I think you're smart enough to recognize consciousness of guilt. (Todd swallows.) Blood in your house, in your car. All of which was cleaned up. This friend worth going to prison for? Tony Piccone: Turn off that mic. (Annie gives Tony a look. She reaches for the switch and glances at the mirror behind her.) [INT. OBSERVATION ROOM] (Brass watches, but can't hear anything.) (Annie turns the switch back on.) Annie Cramer: (loud) Officer. (The interview room door opens and the officer outside steps into the room.) (Tony Piccone stands up and goes with the officer. Annie watches him go.) (She turns to Brass.) Annie Cramer: He invoked. (Brass nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. -- NIGHT] (Brass is out walking. A car pulls into the parking lot behind him, headlights gleaming directly at Brass.) (The car comes to a stop in front of him, brakes squealing.) Brass: Whoa, whoa, whoa. (It's Warrick.) Warrick: I wanted to catch you before you left. I got a look at the print results from the bottles that we collected just before I was escorted out and asked to leave the lab. Brass: They say why? Warrick: No, but I think I know why. (Brass nods.) Warrick: It's like Chinatown, Jim. Brass: So visiting hours are over, doctor. It's time to go. Warrick: What about Ellie? Brass: What about her? Warrick: Well, she's the only one who can I.D. Todd Piccone as the driver. Brass: Well, I couldn't get much out of Annie, but I don't think Piccone killed Dakota -- it wasn't his scene. Warrick: I don't know. He's involved. It's his house. It's his car. It's his party. Brass: Who's going to believe a tweaker hooker? Warrick: You better hope nobody, or she'll be taking a dirt nap. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. ELLIE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT] (Ellie sits at her vanity putting on her make-up. The phone rings.) Ellie: (answering machine) Hey, it's Ellie. Leave a message and I'll get back at you when I can. Brass: Yeah, uh, Ellie, it's, it's your dad. Listen, you were right about the guy; he's a pretty important person with pretty important friends. So, uh, do me a favor. Don't go out tonight. Okay? (The answering machine beeps off.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HOLLYWOOD BLVD (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. BRASS' MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT] (Warrick picks up a bottle.) Warrick: If Dakota had wax under her fingernails, I think she must have been doing more than just pouring. Brass: Self defense? (Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] Dakota screams. She grabs the bottle by the neck, her fingernails digging into the wax. She stands up and tries to swing at her attacker.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Brass: Who was she defending against? Warrick: From the prints that we got off the bottle, I have a list of six suspects. (Warrick takes out the notebook paper from his pocket and reads the list of names to Brass.) Warrick: Silvio Peters, Joe Cohen ... Brass: Wait a minute. Silvio Peters? He's a judge. He's on the list? Warrick: Yeah. Daniel Reichmann, Vic Patterson, Todd Piccone, Parker Smythe. Brass: They're all in AFIS? Warrick: Yeah. I mean, you can be in AFIS for a lot of reasons. After 9-11, anyone who works in a government building. Brass: Right. I mean, doctors, lawyers, right. Warrick: Or anyone who has a permit to carry a concealed weapon. (Brass looks at Warrick just as Warrick gets an idea.) Warrick: You know what? (Warrick sits down in the nearest chair. He puts the phone on the table on speaker phone and dials.) (The phone rings.) INTERCUT WITH: [INT. (LAS VEGAS) CSI - LAB - NIGHT] (Nick is looking through a scope when his phone rings. He answers it.) Nick: Hello! Warrick: Hey, Nicky. Where are you? Are you near a computer? Can you do me a favor? Nick: Yeah, sure. How's the conference going? Warrick: Uh, it's intense. I have a list of suspects, all in AFIS. I want to know if any of them have a permit to carry concealed. Nick: Okay, shoot. Warrick: Silvio Peters, Parker Smythe, Daniel Reichmann, (Nick types in the names.) Nick: Mm-hmm. Warrick: Todd Piccone, and Vic Patterson. (The results read all NEGATIVE except for Vic Patterson who is AFFIRMATIVE.) Nick: Vic Patterson does. Are we talking about "The Eagle"? From that TV show? Warrick: Yeah. What kind of gun? Nick: A .45, same kind he uses in all his cheeseball shoot-outs. Warrick: Can you give me anything else? Nick: Yeah, I can run the serial number through Automated Firearms Service, give you the history. (Nick types in the serial number: T8341.) (The results read: AUTOMATED FIREARMS SYSTEM COLT .45 CURRENT Owner: VIC PATTERSON PREVIOUS Owner: BEVERLY HILLS GUN CLUB SOLD SEPT. 28 1983 TO VIC PATTERSON ) Nick: Colt sold it to the Beverly Hills Gun Club, who, in turn, sold it to "The Eagle" on September 28, 1983. (Quick flashes of: The BHGC sticker on the broken BMW windshield. Vic Patterson's tie clip.) (End of flash. Resume to present.) Brass: If he shops there, maybe he shoots there. (Warrick nods in agreement.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY SKYLINE (STOCK) -- MORNING] [INT. BEVERLY HILLS GUN CLUB -- DAY] (Brass and Warrick step up to the main desk. Brass shows the man his badge.) Brass: You know, I'm just in town for a couple of days. It's always been a dream of mine to shoot at the famous Beverly Hills Gun Club. I wonder if I could get a day pass? Gun Club Man: For Las Vegas's finest? Sure thing. (Warrick walks over to the gun display.) Brass: Look, um ... tell me something. You know, is it, is it true that, uh, you know, the actor Vic Patterson shoots here? Gun Club Man: Not really supposed to give out member info. But between you and me? The man is a damn fine shot. Brass: No kidding. Gun Club Man: Matter of fact, he won several of our competitions. Brass: Wow. Gun Club Man: You want to rent or shoot your own? Brass: Um ... I'll shoot what Vic shoots. Gun Club Man: (to Warrick) You shooting, too? Warrick: Nah, I'm just going to hang back. Let him blow off some steam. (Brass gives Warrick a look.) (The Gun Club man notices that Warrick is looking at Vic Patterson's award, gun and bullets.) Gun Club Man: Ain't that something? Warrick: Yeah, it's something. Gun Club Man: Right this way. (Camera lingers on the bullets in the award display. The plaque under it reads: VIC "THE EAGEL" PATTERSON 1ST PLACE - 45 CAL SHOOTOUT AUGUST 26, 2003 ) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. CSI - LAB - DAY] (Nick is on the phone and looking at the bullet.) Nick: (to phone) Hey, Jim. I just got your bullet. I'm running it through IBIS right now. Not gonna ask how you got it. (Nick sets the bullet up and runs it through the database.) Nick: (to phone) So, did you meet him? INTERCUT WITH: [INT. MOTEL - DAY] Brass: (to phone) Yeah. Nick: (to phone) Ha-ha. Yeah. Did you get his autograph for me? Brass: (to phone) You know, actually I did, and if you get me a match, you might be able to meet him at his trial. Nick: (to phone) Do you think that would make his autograph worth more? Or less? (The computer beeps. The results read: CASE REPORT: .45 CALIBER SLUG LOGGED: OFF. MATT GLAZER LAPD, SERVICE: 1/5/1998 EVIDENCE RETRIEVED: 4/23/05 BMW 325: WHITE CONV. HOMICIDE INVESTIGATION PEND. CASE# 192801_218 VEHICLE REMOVED FROM GAS TANK, DRIVER'S SIDE. PL 220.03 SUB00 IDENTIFICATION MARKS ENTERED INTO IBIS BY: OFF P. LEBLANC LAPD 28719.1 Nick: (to phone) We got a match. Entered by Matt Glazer, LAPD. Recovered from a BMW gas tank. Open investigation, homicide-related. Brass: (to phone) Great, great. Thanks for all your help. Thank you. Nick: (from phone) Sure. (Warrick knocks and enters the room. Brass hangs up. Warrick sits down on the bed.) Warrick: Was that Nick? Brass: Yeah. IBIS confirmed the match. We're good to go. So, where you been? Warrick: In Hollywood, thinking. You know, even if Vic Patterson did shoot up the car with his gun, that doesn't mean he killed Dakota. Just means he helped clean up. Brass: She wasn't shot. She was beaten. Warrick: Yeah. We need a murder weapon to nail his ass. I got these photos at a Hollywood memorabilia shop for ten bucks. (Warrick hands Brass some photos.) Warrick: Who do you see? (The top-most photo is of Vic Patterson posing with his gun.) Brass: A jackass. Warrick: Look closer. Look at the pistol grip ... and The Eagle. You know, these autopsy photos I saw all got me thinking. This one. Look at the pattern contusions. (Warrick picks out a particular photo and shows it to Brass. The bruising pattern on the victim matches the raised eagle logo on the gun.) Brass: The gun is the murder weapon. (Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] Dakota struggles against Vic Patterson. She's screaming.) Dakota: Stop it! Stop it! (He hits her with the handle of the gun.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) (Warrick nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BAR - NIGHT] (Brass and Annie Kramer talk.) Annie Cramer: About six months ago, this strung-out hooker comes into the PD, beat to crap, screaming that Vic Patterson had done it, and her wounds looked a lot like this. I figured it was her pimp, she was sniffing around for a settlement. Sent her home with an ice pack. Brass: Oh. I'm sorry. I knew you thought this guy was a winner. Annie Cramer: I worked my whole life to sit at the table with the big boys ... only to find out that the food is poisoned. Brass: You know, the only record of this investigation is in that envelope, and half the evidence collection won't stand up in court, so it's your call. (She's thinking.) How many years you got on? Annie Cramer: Eight back in Jersey, fifteen here. Brass: Well, that's 23 combined. That's a lot of innings. I mean, the worse they can do is make you retire. Annie Cramer: What am I gonna do then? Knit? This is it, Jimmy. This is all I got. Brass: Well, if it's all you got, then you got to do it right. Remember Mike O'Toole? From Vice? Annie Cramer: Of course I do. Broke my heart when I found out he was dirty. Brass: Yeah, he was a heartbreaker. Broke up my marriage. Annie Cramer: I thought I did that. Brass: Well, Nancy used our affair because she was looking for a way out, but for me ... I mean, I guess I'm old-fashioned. You know, a bad marriage is better than no marriage ... I thought. Annie Cramer: And you thought a kid would help? Brass: You see, that's the thing. I didn't have a kid. (Annie turns and looks at Brass. She puts the palm of her hand on his cheek.) Annie Cramer: (gently) Yeah, you did. I don't see Mike O'Toole out here helping her. Brass: Well ... I spent a good chunk of my life looking the other way. I mean, so much so that my neck got tired. So I, you know, I got a divorce. I, uh ... turned Mike and his crew in. Started over in Vegas. Ellie. She's like the unfinished business of all that. Annie Cramer: So it's my neck now. (Brass remains silent as he picks up his drink.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE ELLIE'S APARTMENT - DAY] (Brass walks down the hallway. He comes to apartment 2-F and stops. He takes a deep breath and exhales. Brass puts the small pink bear gift on the floor in front of the door. He looks at the card in his hand for DREAM HARBOR, REHABILITATION FACILITY.) (He flips the card over. On the back is a hand-written note: Ellie - When you're ready, I'll make it happen. {heart} Dad (Brass tucks the card in the cellophane. He stands up, looks at the door, then walks away back down the hallway.) (Camera holds, then ...

Captain Jim Brass travels to LA after Ellie asks for a favor in investigating her friend's disappearance. There, with the help of Warrick, who is in LA for a conference and a friend in LAPD, Brass finds his investigation interrupted by higher powers. While he and Warrick are ultimately able to find Ellie's friend's murderer, Brass is unable to bring the perpetrator to trial. Disappointed, he leaves LA and returns to Las Vegas.

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_01x03

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_01x03_0

[Caroline wakes up. Her blow is covered with blood. Damon sleeps in her bed. She gets up and tries to leave the room, but Damon wakes up too.] DAMON: Good morning. CAROLINE: Please... Don't. DAMON: Don't do that. Ah, ah, ah. CAROLINE: No! No! No! Get away from me! No! DAMON: This could have gone a completely different way. [Front of the school.] BONNIE: I'm not saying don't date the guy. I'm just saying take it slow. ELENA: You were the one who said to go for it. BONNIE: Now I'm saying take it slow. ELENA: Why the about-face? BONNIE: It's not an about-face. You're single for the first time in your entire high school career. It's the perfect time to play the field. ELENA: Oh, because I'm so that girl. Seriously, what are you not saying? BONNIE: It's stupid. ELENA: Bonnie... BONNIE: What? ELENA: Spit it out. BONNIE: I accidentally touched Stefan. And got a really bad feeling. ELENA: Is that it? Bonnie. BONNIE: It was bad bad! ELENA: Is the whole witch mojo thing again? BONNIE: You know what? I'm just concerned. This is me expressing concern about my best friend's new boyfriend. ELENA: And I love you for it, I do. But I feel good. It's been a hard year, and I'm starting to kind of feel like things are getting back to normal again. And you know what? Stefan is a big part of that. VICKI: I rock. I scored 2 tickets to the Posers Saturday night. They're playing at the Rat. JEREMY: You and Tyler have fun. VICKI: Don't be like that. Come on. I want you to go. JEREMY: You're not worried everyone's going to know you're screwing the stoner geek? Oh, wait... everyone already knows. VICKI: Yeah. But it's not like that anymore, so now we can be friends and just hang. JEREMY: Tell me something, was it the drugs? Were you sleeping with me because of the drugs? VICKI: Screw you. JEREMY: No, if there's another reason, please, I'm all ears. STEFAN: Good morning, Elena. Good morning, Bonnie. BONNIE: Hey, um, I gotta find Caroline. She's not answering her phone. So I'll see you guys later. ELENA: Bonnie, wait... STEFAN: She doesn't like me very much. ELENA: She doesn't know you. She's my best friend. She's just looking out for me. But when she does, she will love you. TYLER: Look... there's Elena and her new boyfriend. Now, what are they doing? Oh, they're walking, walking, walking. Yep. Right into the sunset. MATT: You're a dick. TYLER: While you just stand there looking like one of those little yard trolls. MATT: Gnomes. ELENA: Here's what we're going to do. Are you free tonight? STEFAN: Yes. ELENA: Perfect. Dinner, my house. 8:00. You, me, and Bonnie. You two will spend some quality time and she'll get to see what a great guy you are. Mission accomplished. MATT: Hey, what am I supposed to do, Ty? She made her choice. TYLER: Let her know she made the wrong one. MATT: What are you doing? Ty, don't. Ty, don't! Ty! Don't! Tyler throws the ball on Stefan, but Stefan catches it with an impresionnante speed. He throws the ball to Tyler who moves back under the shock. ELENA: That throw was insane. I didn't know you played football. STEFAN: I used to. It was a long time ago. ELENA: So why don't you try out for the team? STEFAN: Yeah, I don't think so. ELENA: So you don't like football? STEFAN: No, I love football. I think it's a great sport. But in this case, I don't think football likes me. You saw Tyler over there, and we both know how Matt feels. ELENA: They don't know you. To them, you're mysterious loner guy. Wouldn't hurt to be part of. Make some friends. STEFAN: Says the girl who spends her alone time writing in a cemetery. ELENA: Hey, come on. There's more to me than just gloomy graveyard girl. There's a whole other Elena that you have yet to meet. She was into everything, very busy. STEFAN: Well, I look forward to meeting her. And when will that be? ELENA: Soon. She's working on it. [In History's class. Bonnie is writing numbers on her book. "8", "14", "22".] TANNER: World war II ended in... Anyone got anything? Miss Juan? 1945. ELENA: Psst. Fyi... Our team sucks. They could use you. STEFAN: Can't. TANNER: Pearl Harbor. STEFAN: I'm a loner. TANNER: Miss Gilbert? ELENA: Hmm? Pearl Harbor? TANNER: Um... STEFAN: December 7, 1941. TANNER: Thank you, Miss Gilbert. STEFAN: Anytime. TANNER: Very well. The fall of the Berlin wall. STEFAN: 1989. I'm good with dates, sir. TANNER: Are you? How good? Keep it to the year. Civil Rights Act. STEFAN: 1964. TANNER: John F. Kennedy assassination. STEFAN: 1963. TANNER: Martin luther King. STEFAN: '68. TANNER: Lincoln. STEFAN: 1865. TANNER: Roe vs. Wade. STEFAN: 1973. TANNER: Brown vs. Board. STEFAN: 1954. TANNER: The battle of Gettysburg. STEFAN: 1863. TANNER: Korean war. STEFAN: 1950 to 1953. TANNER: Ha! It ended in '52. STEFAN: Uh, actually, sir, it was '53. TANNER: Look it up, somebody. Quickly. STUDENT: It was 19... 53. ELENA: How did you know all of that? STEFAN: Years and years of crossword puzzles. It's a loner thing. [The Soccer field. Stefn looks the team. Elena is with the cheerleaders.] MATT: Nice job! Nice job! TANNER: Mr. Lockwood, is there anything you're good at? 'Cause it isn't history, and it sure as hell isn't defending the ball! TYLER: Yes, coach. TANNER: Now do it again! BONNIE: Oh, my God! You're here! ELENA: Yep. I can't be sad girl forever. The only way to get things back to the way they were are to do things that were. Oh, and you're coming to dinner tonight. BONNIE: I am? ELENA: Mm-hmm. You, me and Stefan. You have to give him a chance. BONNIE: Tonight's no good. Have you seen Caroline? I texted her like a hundred times. ELENA: Don't change the subject, Bonnie Bennett. You're going to be there. BONNIE: Fine. I'll go. ELENA: Good. TANNER: Varsity trials were last spring, Mr. Salvatore. STEFAN: I wasn't here then, sir. TANNER: And you're not here now, as far as I'm concerned. STEFAN: Mr. Tanner, I realize that you and I didn't get off to the best start, And I want to apologize for that. I've played football before. Wide receiver, mostly, and I'm pretty good. TANNER: Well, I won't be asking you who won the super bowl in '71. STEFAN: '71 was the... Sorry. I... I understand that, sir. TANNER: Just to see you get knocked on your ass. Borrow some gear. Go! Before I change my mind. Let's run it again! MATT: First my girlfriend, now the team? TYLER: Dude, this is an opportunity. Football's a contact sport. Sometimes people get hurt. Whoo! Ha ha! BONNIE: Seriously, where is Caroline? ELENA: I don't know. It's not like her. Try her again. Caroline arrives in Damon's car. ELENA: Uh... BONNIE: Oh, my God. That must be the mystery guy from the grill. ELENA: That's not a mystery guy. That's Damon Salvatore. BONNIE: Salvatore, as in Stefan? CAROLINE: I got the other brother. Hope you don't mind. Sorry I'm late, girls. I, uh, was busy. All right, let's start with the double pike herkey hurdler, what do you say? And 5, 6, 7, 8. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Elena, sweetie, why don't you just observe today? Ok? Keep going! Ok. Do it again from the top. And 5, 6, 7, 8. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. MATT: Blue lady! Blue lady! Set, hut! Go! Come on, Tyler, cover it! Let's do it. TANNER: Get it. MATT: Line up! MATT: I hate to say it, but he's got skills. TYLER: I think he needs a buddy pass. MATT: Really? You don't get to walk on the field and act like you own the place after 5 minutes. TYLER: Just hang one up there and I'll take care of the rest. TANNER: Do it again. MATT: All right, let's huddle up. Set, hut! TYLER: Oh! Whoo! Welcome to the team, buddy. TANNER: You gonna live, Salvatore? STEFAN: Yeah. TANNER: Walk it off, son. MATT: Hey. That was my bad. STEFAN: It's all right. MATT: Hey. TANNER: All right. [Stefan's bedroom.] DAMON: How were tryouts? Did you make the team? Very Emerson, the way you reveal your soul with so many... Adjectives. STEFAN: What are you doing here? DAMON: I've come to apologize. I've been doing some thinking, some soul searching, and... I want us to start over. We need to put the past behind us. You're my little brother, and if you want to live a normal, happy human life, then I want that for you. Maybe I can do it, too. That I can learn to be a non-living living person. Maybe there's hope for both of us. STEFAN: You know, it doesn't have to be this way, Damon. DAMON: Of course it doesn't. I saw Elena today, btw. That means "by the way." She was at cheerleading practice. She looked so perky in her little short shorts. Just... simmer down, I didn't even go near her. I've got my own cheerleader now. Ooh, that reminds me... I gotta run. I have a date. Sweaty palms. Wish me luck. [Elena's kitchen.] BONNIE: You explain it. Last night, I'm watching Nine-o, a commercial breaks come on and I'm like, I bet it's that phone commercial. And sure enough, it's that guy and the girl with the bench, he flies to Paris and he flies back. They take a picture. ELENA: Oh, come on. That commercial's on a constant loop. BONNIE: Fine. Well, how about this? Today I'm obsessed with numbers. 3 numbers. I keep seeing 8, 14, and 22. How weird is that? ELENA: Maybe we should play the lottery. Have you talked to your grams? BONNIE: She's just gonna say it's because I'm a witch. I don't want to be a witch. Do you want to be a witch? ELENA: I don't want to be a witch. BONNIE: And putting it in a nice bowl isn't fooling anybody. ELENA: Ok, serving spoons. Where are the serving spoons? BONNIE: Little drawer on your left. ELENA: Ok, so you've been in this kitchen like a thousand times. BONNIE: Yeah, that's it. They hear the doorbell. ELENA: Ok, he's here. Don't be nervous. Just be your normal loving self. Bonnie stays alone in the kitchen. BONNIE: Birthday candles. She opens a drawer and find the candles [Elena's living room.] ELENA: Did Tanner give you a hard time today? STEFAN: Well, he let me on the team, so I must have done something right. ELENA: Bonnie, you should have seen Stefan today. Tyler threw a ball right at him, and... BONNIE: Yeah, I heard. ELENA: Why don't you tell Stefan about your family? BONNIE: Um, divorced. No mom. Live with my dad. Hmm. ELENA: No, about the witches. Bonnie's family has a lineage of witches. It's really cool. BONNIE: Cool isn't the word I'd use. STEFAN: Well, it's certainly interesting. I'm not too versed, but I do know that there's a history of celtic druids that migrated here in the 1800s. BONNIE: My family came by way of Salem. STEFAN: Really? Salem witches? BONNIE: Yeah. STEFAN: I would say that's pretty cool. BONNIE: Really? Why? STEFAN: Salem witches are heroic examples of individualism and nonconformity. BONNIE: Yeah, they are. They hear the doorbelln, again. ELENA: I wonder who that could be. CAROLINE: Surprise! Bonnie said you were doing dinner, so we brought dessert. ELENA: Oh. DAMON: Hope you don't mind. STEFAN: What are you doing here? DAMON: Waiting for Elena to invite me in. ELENA: Oh, yeah, you can... STEFAN: No, no, no. He can't, uh... he can't stay. Can you, Damon? CAROLINE: Get in here. STEFAN: We're just... finishing up. ELENA: It's fine. Just come on in. DAMON: You have a beautiful home, Elena. ELENA: Thank you. CAROLINE: I cannot believe that Mr. Tanner let you on the team. Tyler must be ceiling. But good for you. Go for it. DAMON: That's what I always tell him. You have to engage. You can't just sit there and wait for life to come to you. You have to go get it. CAROLINE: Yeah, Elena wasn't so lucky today. It's only because you missed summer camp. God, I don't know how you're ever going to learn the routines. BONNIE: I'll work with her. She'll get it. CAROLINE: I guess we can put her in the back. DAMON: You know, you don't seem like the cheerleader type, Elena. CAROLINE: Oh, it's just 'cause her parents died. Yeah, I mean, she's just totally going through a blah phase. She used to be way more fun. And I say that with complete sensitivity. DAMON: I'm sorry, Elena. I know what it's like to lose both your parents. In fact, Stefan and I have watched almost every single person we've ever cared about die. STEFAN: We don't need to get into that right now, Damon. DAMON: Oh, you know what, you're right, Stef. I'm sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was bring her up. Mmm. [SCENE_BREAK] [At the grill.] VICKI: Don't do that. Not while I'm working. I'll see you later. TYLER: I'll be right back. MATT: She's my sister and I love her, but sometimes she can really make you work for it. JEREMY: I find it pretty easy. JERMEY: All right, I get it. Hitting me to impress her. That's... That's real nice. TYLER: I don't need to impress her. I already won. Now you're dead. JEREMY: Am I? 'Cause it seems like I'm standing here waiting for you to man up. MATT: Ty, don't! TYLER: The next time I see you, Gilbert... JEREMY: No, next time I see you. MATT: What are you doin', Vick? [Elena's kitchen.] DAMON: One more. ELENA: Oh, thank you. Nice save. DAMON: I like you. You know how to laugh. And you make Stefan smile, which is something I haven't seen in a very long time. ELENA: Earlier, did you mean... Katherine? DAMON: Mm-hmm. ELENA: How did she die? DAMON: In a fire. Tragic fire. ELENA: Recently? DAMON: Well, it seems like it was yesterday. ELENA: What was she like? DAMON: She was beautiful. A lot like you in that department. She was just very complicated and selfish and at times not very kind, but very sexy and seductive. ELENA: So which one of you dated her first? DAMON: Nicely deduced. Ask Stefan. I'm sure his answer differs from mine. I'd quit cheerleading if I were you. ELENA: Why do you say that? DAMON: Oh, I saw you at practice. You looked miserable. ELENA: You saw that? DAMON: Uh-huh. ELENA: I used to love it. It was fun. Things are different this year. Everything that used to matter doesn't anymore. DAMON: So don't let it. Quit, move on. Problem solved. Ta-da. ELENA: Some things could matter again. DAMON: Maybe. But... seems a little unrealistic to me. ELENA: I'm sorry. About Katherine. You lost her, too. BONNIE: Hey. Need some help? DAMON: Sure, why not? [Elena's living room.] CAROLINE: Matt tries, but he's just having a really hard time. You have to understand that they were each other's first. You know, like, from the sandbox. STEFAN: That's a really nice scarf. CAROLINE: Mm. Thank you, it's new. STEFAN: Can I see it? I mean, would you mind taking it off? CAROLINE: Oh, I can't. STEFAN: Why not? You ok? CAROLINE: Um... All I know is that I can't take it off. DAMON: What are you two kids talking about? STEFAN: I was just commenting on her scarf. DAMON: Hmm. Hey, you know, um, Elena and Bonnie are finishing up the dishes. Why don't you go see if you can help? CAROLINE: Does it look like I do dishes? DAMON: For me? CAROLINE: Hmm... I don't think so. DAMON: Go see if Elena needs help in the kitchen. CAROLINE: You know what? I'm gonna go see if Elena needs some help in the kitchen. DAMON: Great. STEFAN: They are people, Damon. She's not a puppet. She doesn't exist for your amusement, for you to feed on whenever you want to. DAMON: Sure she does. They all do. They're whatever I want them to be. They're mine for the taking. STEFAN: All right, you've had your fun. You used Caroline, you got to me and Elena, good for you. Now it's time for you to go. DAMON: That's not a problem. Because... I've been invited in, and I'll come back tomorrow night and the following night and I'll do with your little cheerleader whatever I want to do. Because that is what is normal to me. [Elena's bedroom.] ELENA: Tonight wasn't so bad. I had fun. STEFAN: Hmm. That makes one of us. ELENA: Come on. Your brother isn't as bad as you make him out to be... Stefan kisses her. When he removes his shirt, he turns into Damon. Elena screams. She wakes up, it was a nightmare. There was a crow at the window [Stefan's bedroom. He is writing on his diarie.] STEFAN: There must be a shred of humanity left inside my brother. Somewhere. I keep hoping. But how do I make him see it? And how do I protect her? [Later. The Soccer game.] ELENA: Ooh. Look at you. You look hot in your jersey. STEFAN: What happened? No more cheerleader? ELENA: I quit. I'm a quitter. STEFAN: No, hey, you're not a quitter. You suffered a great loss. You're not the same person. You should be looking ahead. You should be starting over. Ok? I hope you don't think this is too soon or too weird, but... I, uh, I wanted you to have this. ELENA: Oh, my God, it's beautiful. STEFAN: It's something that I've had forever, and, uh, I've never wanted to give it to anyone until now. I'd very much like it if you'd wear it for me, for... good luck. ELENA: Is that rose that I smell? STEFAN: No, it's, uh... it's an herb. It's nice, huh? ELENA: I love it. STEFAN: And, uh, I wanted to thank you for pushing me to try out for the team. It feels really good. ELENA: We're a pair. I quit, you start. STEFAN: Right. We're a work in progress. We'll figure it out. Elena kisses him. CAROLINE: And you're not in uniform because... [Later.] TANNER: Wait, wait, wait, Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. Let's be honest here. In the past, we used to let other teams come into our town and roll right over us! But that is about to change. We've got some great new talent tonight starting on the offensive line, and I'm gonna tell you right now, it has been a long time since I have seen a kid like this with hands like these. TYLER: This blows. He can't start the guy. He just got here. TANNER: That have been waiting for us to put a check in the win column, I have only one thing to say to you... Your Timberwolves are hungry. VICKI: Hey, you. What's wrong? TYLER: Nothing. TANNER: And the central high lions are what's for dinner! TYLER: Is that Jeremy? VICKI: Wait, no! Ty! No. TYLER: Oh, what do you care? Don't look so down. You can have her when I'm done. Jeremy strikes him. The two boys begin to fight. VICKI: Tyler, stop it! Tyler! Tyler, stop! Stop it! Stop, you're hurting him! Tyler! Tyler, stop! Tyler! Stop it! Tyler, stop! STEFAN: Hey, he's down! Enough! ELENA: Jeremy, no! MATT: Get off me! Stop! ELENA: What the hell, Jeremy? Put your head up, you're bleeding. JEREMY: I'm fine! ELENA: Yeah, you smell fine. JEREMY: Just stop, ok? MATT: Come on, man. Come on. ELENA: Oh, my God, your hand. STEFAN: No, no, no, it's fine. ELENA: Is it deep? How bad is it? Come on! Stefan's hand hasn't scar. ELENA: But... I saw it, it was... STEFAN: He missed. It's not my blood. See? I'm fine. ELENA: No, no, no. I... I saw it. The glass cut your hand. It was... STEFAN: It's ok. I'm ok. It's almost kick-off time, all right? So, um, I'll, uh, I'll see you after the game. CAROLINE: Hey, Tiki, it's all wobbly. Can you stand straight, please? Could someone please help Tiki? BONNIE: Hey! Where you been? ELENA: Can I ask you a question and you give me a really serious no-joke response? BONNIE: Of course. What is it? ELENA: The bad mojo. When you touched Stefan and you had that reaction... BONNIE: You know what, forget I said that. Your little dinner party plot totally won me over. ELENA: No, Bonnie, seriously. What was it? Did you see something, Or... BONNIE: It wasn't clear like a picture. Like today, I keep seeing those same numbers I told you about... 8, 14, 22. ELENA: Yeah? BONNIE: When I touched Stefan, it was a feeling. And it vibrated through me, and it was cold, and it... ELENA: And what? BONNIE: It was death. It's what I imagine death to be like. Elena goes to her car. ELENA: You scared me. What are you doing here? DAMON: I'm hiding from Caroline. ELENA: And why is that? DAMON: I needed a break. She talks more than I can listen. ELENA: That could be a sign. DAMON: Well, she's awfully young. ELENA: Not much younger than you are. DAMON: I don't see it going anywhere in the bigger picture. I think she'd drive me crazy. ELENA: Caroline does have some really annoying traits, but we've been friends since the first grade and that means something to me. DAMON: Duly noted. I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable. That's not my intention. ELENA: Yes, it is. Otherwise you wouldn't put an alternate meaning behind everything you say. DAMON: You're right. I do have other intentions, but so do you. ELENA: Really? DAMON: Mm-hmm. I see 'em. You want me. ELENA: Excuse me? DAMON: I get to you. You find yourself drawn to me. You think about me even when you don't want to think about me. I bet you even dreamed about me. And right now... You want to kiss me. She strikes him. ELENA: What the hell? I don't know what game you're trying to play with Stefan here, but I don't want to be part of it. And I don't know what happened in the past, but let's get one thing straight... I am not Katherine. [Later.] MATT: You gonna be able to play? STEFAN: Oh, yeah, I'm good. MATT: Uh, what you did back there... you had Jeremy's back. STEFAN: Ah, he's a messed-up kid. Somebody's gotta look out for him. MATT: I know. This week at practice I was a dick. STEFAN: Had your reasons. MATT: No excuse. Good luck tonight. We're lucky to have you. DAMON: Isn't that nice? Stefan joins a team, makes a friend. It's all so, "rah, rah, go team, yeah!" STEFAN: Not tonight. I'm done with you. DAMON: Nice trick with Elena. Let me guess... vervain in the necklace? I admit, I was a bit surprised. It's been a while since anyone could resist my compulsion. Where'd you get it? STEFAN: Does it matter? DAMON: Guess I could just seduce her the old-fashioned way. Or I could just... eat her. STEFAN: No. You're not gonna hurt her, Damon. DAMON: No? STEFAN: Because deep down inside, there is a part of you that feels for her. I was worried that you had no humanity left inside of you, that you may have actually become the monster that you pretend to be. DAMON: Who's pretending? STEFAN: Then kill me. DAMON: Well, I'm... I'm tempted. STEFAN: No, you're not. You've had lifetimes to do it, and yet, here I am. I'm still alive. And there you are. You're still haunting me. After 145 years. Katherine is dead. And you hate me because you loved her, and you torture me because you still do. And that, my brother, is your humanity. TANNER: Salvatore! What the hell? We've got a game to play! DAMON: If that's my humanity... then what's this? Damon bites Tanner. TANNER: Aah! STEFAN: No! DAMON: Anyone, anytime, any place. [In the locker room.] TYLER: Tanner's M.I.A. I think he had a little bit too much beer. MATT: Don't talk to me right now, all right? I'm pissed at you. TYLER: What's your problem? MATT: What's my... You're my problem, all right? You're a bully. A freakin' 12-year-old bully, man. And I'm sick of it. I mean, what was that about tonight? What's beating up the new guy going to prove? Or screwing with my sister or pummeling my girlfriend's kid brother. TYLER: Girlfriend? Look, I don't know how to tell you this, but she dumped your ass. Are you for real?! You want to hit me? I'm on your team. MATT: This was over the line. Even for you. Matt discovers Tanner's body. MATT: Somebody help! The police arrived. Bonnie looks at the scene. She sees a pennons "BLDG 8", the immatricualtion's car is "FHT 14" and on the ground, the number 22. Bonnie is afraid. [The Soccer field. Jeremy is sitting on the floor.] VICKI: It wasn't just for the drugs. [The cars park.] ELENA: What kind of animal could be doing all this? Why would it come out of the woods and attack someone in the middle of town? STEFAN: I don't know. I don't know. ELENA: I was so sure that you cut your hand. I saw it. STEFAN: I'm gonna be fine. I'm gonna be fine, ok? We're fine. That's what matters. [Stefan's bedroom. He's writing in his diarie.] STEFAN: I thought there was hope that somewhere deep inside, something in Damon was still human, normal. But I was wrong. There's nothing human left in Damon. No good, no kindness. No love. Only a monster Who must be stopped. [Damon is in Elena's bedroom. He looks at her.]

The semi-psychic Bonnie tells Elena that she has a bad feeling about Stefan, so Elena decides to invite Stefan and Bonnie to have dinner at her house so that they can get to know each other better. At school, Tyler attempts to humiliate Stefan by throwing a football at him, but it backfires as Stefan uses his vampire speed to effortlessly catch the ball and passes it back. Stefan ends up joining the football team. During dinner, Damon and Caroline unexpectedly show up, and Elena "invites" him into her house. Stefan gives Elena a necklace filled with vervain to protect her from Damon. When Stefan attempts to convince Damon that he still has some humanity left in him, Damon attacks and kills Mr. Tanner as a rebuttal.

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ACT ONE Scene One – Hallway Outside Frasier's Apartment [SCENE_BREAK] Roz is standing at the door to Frasier's apartment when the elevator opens and Frasier, Daphne, Niles and Mel get off. All four are dressed in black. Frasier: Oh, hi, Roz. Roz: Oh, there you are. I brought something for Daphne and I was just gonna leave it with the doorman. [Daphne begins to cry] Frasier: Oh, lord. Reset to: Living Room They go in. Daphne heads into the powder room. Roz: Did I say something? Frasier: Well, actually our doorman, Morrie, passed away this week. We just got back from the funeral. Roz: Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry. Is she going to be all right? Frasier: Well, you know, she's been a little high-strung all week, even before he died. I guess it's just wedding stuff, you know. Roz: Yeah. Daphne comes back. Daphne: Ooh, sorry 'bout that. So, you brought me something, Roz? Roz: Well, yeah. I figured you couldn't get married without wearing something borrowed. [Hands her a small box] Daphne: Oh! What a beautiful garter! Look at all the lovely detail. Niles: I especially like the little odometer. Roz backhands him in the stomach as he grins. Daphne: Thank you so much, Roz. Mel: Does anybody besides me feel like a cup of coffee? Frasier: Oh, I'll brew a pot. Mel: Oh, don't be silly. I've been here enough times to know how to get the coffee made. Daphne, make us some coffee. [Then] Kidding! Niles laughs. She heads for the kitchen. Roz: [picking up a folder] The Wayside Inn. This is where you're having your wedding? Oh gosh, it's just so beautiful. Daphne: I hope it is, the planning's been a nightmare. I spent an hour today on the seating charts. Everyone has some demand. "Don't sit me near the band", "Do you mind if I bring a friend?"... Roz: Oh my God, you can't seat me next to him. Daphne: Exactly! Every selfish, whiny little thing... Roz: No, you cannot seat me next to Tim Walsh. I dated him all last summer and he dumped me. Daphne: He's going with my bridesmaid Annie. I have to seat the bridesmaids together. Roz: This always happens to me. Is there no place I can go without running into some guy I've dated? Niles: I was reading about a Trappist monastery in the Amazon that they somehow built into the treetop. Roz: Shut up, ya big doily! This is gonna be awful! Here I am at a wedding, sitting next to a guy who dumped me! Frasier: Oh, come on Roz, you won't be alone. You'll be on the arm of a well-known Seattle boulevardier and radio star. Roz: Frasier, I can't go with you. I mean, going to a wedding with your boss is like going to the prom with your brother. Frasier: Niles and I did not go to the prom together! Our dates were sick and we went stag! Niles: In retrospect, yes, we should have canceled the horse-drawn carriage, but hindsight is 20/20. [SCENE_BREAK] MEMENTO MORRIE Scene Two - Frasier's Living Room [SCENE_BREAK] Martin enters carrying a gift bag. Martin: Hey, Roz. Roz: Hi, Martin. I'm really sorry to hear about your friend Morrie. Martin: Oh, thanks. Yeah, his wife just did the nicest thing. I guess she knew Eddie and I'd stop by and shoot the breeze with him, so she gave us something to remember him by. Frasier: Oh, well. [Reading the tag] "For Martin and Eddie." Gee, isn't that nice? Martin: Yeah, I think it's some kinda wine. Frasier: Well, yes I'd say so, but... He pulls out the bottle, reads the label, and gasps. Frasier: My God, Dad! This is a 1945 Chateau Petrus! Martin: Oh, yeah? She said he got it from his uncle who was in France after the war. Frasier: Well, it's one of the rarest bottles in the world! Martin: Well, if you're good, maybe Eddie'll give you a glass out of his half. Martin exits to the kitchen as Niles comes over to examine the bottle. Niles: I've never even seen a '45 Petrus! Roz: Oh, poor Morrie. He probably waited his whole life for an occasion special enough to open that bottle. Frasier: Yes. Perhaps this should be a lesson for us all. Morrie might be standing guard at the door to heaven right now, but he's buzzing us with one last message: Live life now. I'm reminded of a parable... Knock on the door. Daphne/Niles/Roz: Come in! The door opens and Simon (Daphne's obnoxious brother) enters with a duffel bag. Daphne: Simon! Simon: Hello, sis. Daphne: I thought you were in California. Simon: Yeah, well, those friends I went to surprise were out of town. So I decided to housesit for 'em, which was lovely. 'Til they came home last night. I don't know what all the screaming was about, I was the one in the tub! Where should I put this bag? Frasier: By the door so you don't forget it when you leave. Simon: Right. I think I know everyone here. [spots Roz] Or do I? And what would your name be then, Miss? Roz: Simon, you low-life idiot! You made a date with me last week and you stood me up! She crosses toward the door. Simon: Sorry, love, I need a bit more to go on. Roz: Maybe this'll refresh your memory. She slams the door in his face. Simon: Roz! Of course! Martin: [entering from kitchen] Well, look who's back! Simon: Well, who's this then? I'd say it was Marty Crane, but he's a bit too young and trim, eh? Martin: Oh, go on! Can I offer you a beer? Simon: Oh, I hate to drink alone, could I have a sandwich with that? Martin and Simon exit to the kitchen. Frasier: If that beer-swilling boomerang thinks he's staying here, he's got another thing coming. Niles: Better get a move on, he's already got your address on his duffel bag. The phone rings, Daphne gets it and goes to her room. Mel enters from the kitchen with a cup of coffee. Mel: We'd better get going if we're going to reach the cabin by dark. Frasier: Cabin? Niles: Yes, Mel and I are celebrating our six-month anniversary by taking a little mid-week getaway to her friend's country place. Mel: Yes, no phones, no stress, just two days of rest and relaxation. I do have to pick up a little anniversary gift, though, so give me nine minutes and pick me up at the northwest corner of Pike and Elm at 4:42. Mel and Niles refer to their watches. Mel: Coming up on 4:33... Niles: Synchronizing... Mel: Now! [Then] Good, I'm relaxing already. She kisses Niles and leaves. Martin and Simon enter from the kitchen. Simon: Thank you Marty, it's most hospitable of you. Martin: Well, you gotta have a place to stay... Frasier: Stop right there! He cannot stay here! The man is loud, ill-mannered, and the last time he stayed here he killed a ficus tree on the downstairs neighbor's balcony by means which are best left to the imagination! Martin: Frasier, I invited Simon to stay in my Winnebago! Come on Simon, I'll show you your new digs. Frasier: Oh, lord. Simon, you know I... Simon: Oh, no, forget about it. It's no worse than what I was just sayin' about you in the kitchen. Frasier: [chuckles] Good one. Simon: [sotto to Martin] He thinks I'm joking. Simon and Martin leave. Niles: Join me in a sherry, Frasier? Frasier: Oh, I think I will, Niles. Niles: You know, I have to admit, I'm a little bit nervous about this trip. I have a feeling Mel may make another push for us to live together. Frasier: Oh, my. Niles: She's been bringing it up quite a bit lately. She says it's a good way for us to test our relationship. Frasier: You're afraid you'll discover things about each other that you won't like? Niles: Oh, no. No, no. We're past that stage. She knows my likes and dislikes. I've come attuned to her various quirks... eccentricities... bugaboos.... bκte noirs... night terrors. It's the fun of being in love. I don't know what's bothering me. Frasier: Is it possible that your foot-dragging might have anything to do with some lingering feelings for Daphne? Niles: Frasier, uh, you must realize I put that behind me months ago. Frasier: Just asking. Niles: I'm very happy with Mel. Frasier: Well then, what's your problem? Niles: Uh, well, let's see. I just got through with a rough divorce. I do have a tendency to be overly cautious... Frasier: This could be a chance to change all that. Niles: So you're in favor of it? Frasier: Well, I've never really been the president of the Mel fan club, but she does seem to make you happy. And as we were reminded this morning, life is not to be taken in baby steps. Ask not for whom the doorman buzzes... Niles: Thank you. All right. That was much-needed therapy. He gets up to leave. Frasier: Well, it was my pleasure. You're my brother, you get the family rate. Martin comes in as Niles gets to the door. Martin: Hey, guys. Got all the way down to the Winnebago and realized I had the wrong keys. Niles: See you guys in a couple of days. Martin: All right. Niles leaves, Daphne enters from her room on the phone. Daphne: You don't say, mum. Your phlebitis again? She looks pleadingly at Frasier and holds the phone out. Frasier: [bellowing] Daphne! Daphne: Got to go now, mum, Dr. Crane's on the warpath again. Bye. [Hangs up, then to Frasier] Thank you! Martin: Daph, I'm glad you're here, because I was thinking about that wine of Morrie's. You know, that's something really for a special occasion. So, I'd like you to have for the wedding, enjoy it on your honeymoon. Daphne: [starting to cry] Oh, Mr. Crane! She hugs him and cries on his shoulder. Martin: Oh, Daphne, come on. Come on now, it's only a bottle of wine. I don't even know that much about it. Frasier? Help me out here, will you? Frasier: Well Dad, Chateau Petrus is a premier crux Bordeaux... Martin: No, no, no. No, I mean with Daphne. Frasier comes over and holds Daphne. Martin: There you go. Frasier: Oh, Daphne. Martin leaves. Daphne: I'm sorry to get so emotional like this. Frasier: It's all right. The funeral must've really upset you. Daphne: It's not that. Dr. Crane? I've wanted to talk to you about this all week, but I haven't known what to say. You promise you'll keep this just between us? Frasier: Of course. Daphne: It's about your brother. You see, I know. Frasier: Know what? Daphne: I know about his feelings for me. Frasier: My God! How did you find out? Daphne: It's not important. Frasier: Somebody blabbed, didn't they? Why can't people just mind their own business? Who was the nattering gossip? Roz? Dad? Daphne: You. Frasier: What? Daphne: You were taking those pills for your back and you blurted it out while I was giving you a massage. Frasier: Oh, well, they were very strong pills, you see... Daphne: Needless to say, it completely took my breath away. At first, I tried to forget about it, put it out of my mind. Frasier: Well, the bottle said just to take one, but I'm a big man... Daphne: Oh, will you shut up about those pills?! Frasier: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Daphne: Anyway, after a while, I couldn't put it out of my mind anymore. I find myself thinking about him all the time. Frasier: Daphne... are you saying that you have feelings for Niles? Daphne: I think I do. Oh, I don't know! Even if I did, he may not feel that way about me anymore, he's with Mel now! Frasier: I-I don't know what to tell you, Daph. Uh, I, I, think the best thing is for you to, to try to find a way to talk with Niles. Daphne: Ugh. That's not an easy conversation to have. Frasier: It's easier now than after you're married. Daphne: You're right, I have to talk to him. And right away. I'm already making myself sick over this. If I leave it any longer, I'll be a complete basket case. Uh, did he mention if he was going home? Frasier: Well, ah, actually, um, ah, he's going, ah, somewhere else first. Um... Daphne: Where? CUT TO: the hallway. Martin and Simon are getting off the elevator. Martin: Get you some towels and you'll be all set down there. Simon: Right. They enter the apartment, Daphne is again sobbing on Frasier's shoulder. Martin: Oh, geez, Daphne! It's just a bottle of wine! END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FATTER Scene One - Frasier's Living Room. The doorbell rings. Daphne: [v.o.] I'll get it! [SCENE_BREAK] Daphne is in the apartment, eating cookies from a large bag. She puts the bag down, composes herself... and opens the door to reveal Frasier holding a lot of packages. Daphne: Oh. Dr. Crane! I didn't even know you'd gone out. I thought you might be your brother. Frasier: Well, I went down to get the mail and got all these wedding gifts for you. But don't worry, Niles called and said he'd be coming by this afternoon. Daphne: [picking up the bag and eating another cookie] I don't even know how I'm going to begin this conversation. Frasier: Well, I'm sure those chocolate-chip blackened teeth'll be a nice icebreaker. Daphne: I've been so nervous lately, I've done nothing but stuff myself with junk food. Frasier takes the bag and the doorbell rings. Daphne: Oh, it's him! Frasier: All right, all right, fine. You're gonna be just fine. Okay? Remember to speak from the heart. She goes to the door, composes herself... and opens the door to Martin. Daphne: Mr. Crane! Martin: Thanks! Eddie started doing his "I don't know how much longer I can hold this" dance and I just ran out without my keys. Have you ever seen him do that dance? Frasier: Just the droll impression of it you do at parties, Dad. Daphne: [again eating cookies] You know, Mr. Crane, Eddie seems awfully fidgety. I don't think he got enough exercise on that walk. Martin: Anybody needs any exercise, it's you, the way you're eating now. You know, when they put "Party Size" on that cookie bag, they don't mean party of one. The doorbell rings again. Frasier takes the bag and Daphne composes herself again – then opens the door to Simon. Daphne: Simon! What do you want? Simon: Well, I've just come to borrow a pen so I can fill out this job application. Frasier: What? Oh, you're applying for work? Well here, allow me. [Gives him a pen] Gosh, we'll miss you around here, but onward and upward! [laughs] So, what's the job? Simon: Doorman. Frasier gasps and staggers, as Daphne supports him. Frasier: Dear God. Simon: Well, it's ideal for me, really. Nice cozy chair, plenty of time to think the long, long thoughts of youth. Not to mention what the uniforms do for the ladies, ah? [laughs] If memory serves, a certain bellhop back in Manchester found that out with a young lady who will remain nameless. Daphne: Simon! [to Frasier] I tell you, I'm this close to just poppin' him one! Frasier: Now, now Daphne. Daphne, you just have to calm down. Here, have a cookie. [Gives her the bag, she eats one] Simon: What is up with your appetite lately? What, are you knocked up or somethin'? Daphne: Of course not! She storms toward him, Frasier grabs her. Simon: Now, now, you wouldn't be the first person in our family to be walking down the aisle carrying more than just a bouquet. Daphne lunges at him, with Frasier holding her back. The doorbell rings again. Frasier: Uh, Simon, why don't you finish filling that out in the kitchen and help yourself to a beer? Simon: Well, great! He goes to the kitchen. Frasier takes the bag as Daphne composes herself again... and opens the door to- Daphne: Roz! Roz: Hi, guys! Hey, Frasier? I felt kinda bad about the other day, dumping you as my wedding date... Frasier: You want me back, don't you? Roz: And I'm sick about it. But I can't find anybody else. Frasier: Sorry Roz, I already invited somebody else, she's driving up on Saturday to join me. Roz: Well, get rid of her! I need a date! I'm desperate! Simon enters from the kitchen with a beer. Simon: Well, well, somebody here is singin' my favorite song. Roz: Simon? There's a guy who lives in the park across the street from me. He wears a cat suit and meows at people. If he's busy, maybe I'll call you. Simon: I'm prettying myself up, just in case. Speaking of which, Daphne, I borrowed your blow dryer for my job interview. Daphne: I spent an hour looking for that! I thought I was losing my mind! Simon: Well, that does happen to women in your condition. You know, in the family way. Martin: [entering] You're pregnant? Daphne: I AM NOT PREGNANT! Simon: What, just another scare, then? Like that time back in school with that Pakistani chap? Daphne: [lunges at him] Right, that's it, you pig! Roz ducks out of the way. Frasier gets in front of her, scoops her over his shoulder and heads for the door. Daphne: Oh, put me down! Frasier: Daphne and I are going out for a breath of fresh air, perhaps retrieve her blow dryer. Oh, if Niles should happen to stop by, keep him here. There's something important I need to discuss with him. He is going out into the hall as he says this. Reset to: Hallway He shuts the door. Daphne: Oh, for God's sake, put me down! Frasier: Not until you promise not to kill your brother. The elevator opens, he goes in and puts her down. There is a neighbor with a basket of laundry next to them. Daphne: Oh, all right! It's not as if he doesn't deserve it, telling everyone I'm carrying Donny's baby! Like I don't have enough to worry about today, waiting for Dr. Crane. Frasier: Daphne, Daphne, you have to calm down. Daphne: It's not easy. I don't even know how to begin with him. "Would you like steak or salmon at my wedding? And by the way, I think I might be in love with you." Frasier: You'll find the words when the time comes, all right? [Glares at the neighbor] And don't pretend you're not listening, Mrs. Richman! Your laundry is not that interesting. [N.B. Mrs. Richman is Doris from [5.09], “Perspectives on Christmas.”] Back in the apartment, Roz is on the phone. Roz: Oh, come on George, I'm desperate here. I promise you a good time. I mean a REALLY good time, if you get my drift. [Pause] You might have mentioned I was on speaker-phone! She disconnects. Simon: Listen to what you're doing, Roz. It's not very dignified, is it? Martin: Come on Roz, give Simon a chance. Roz: So he can stand me up again? Simon: And miss my sister's wedding? Never! If you're worried about my appearance, I know where I can get my hands on some very nice Armani suits. Martin: Or you could just grab one out of Frasier's closet. Roz: What did you think he was talking about? All right. But Simon, just remember my ex-boyfriend will be there. If anybody asks, you're an internet millionaire. Simon: Right. I'll be the perfect, well-bred, up-market gentleman. Now, I'll walk you to the garage. Roz: Ah, you don't have to. Simon: No, it's no bother. I live there. They go to the door and open it to find (at last!) Niles. He is wearing a large grin. Niles: Roz! Roz: Niles. Niles: Simon! Simon: Well, by the look of that smile on your face, I'd say somebody got himself a bit last night. [gestures lewdly with arms] Niles: [looking shocked and appalled] I find that remark rude, boorish and IMPOSSIBLE TO DENY! [Breaks out laughing] Simon: Brilliant! Simon gives Niles a punch in the arm, knocking him back into the hallway. Roz just looks disgusted as they leave. Niles comes in. Martin: Niles, how was your trip? Niles: Oh, fantastic, Dad. Where's Frasier? I have some news. Martin: He'll be back in a bit. What's up? Niles: Oh, well, uh, I should wait for Frasier, it was really his idea. Do you mind? Martin: I can wait. Niles: Okay, I can't! Martin: What is it? Niles: I'm married! Beat. Martin: Married? Niles: Yes, Mel and I eloped yesterday. [Martin is stunned] Well? Martin: [gets up to hug him] Well... congratulations, son! That's great. So, uh, you're happy, right? Niles: Oh, happy? I'm delirious! Martin: Yeah, you'd have to be, wouldn't you? So, you say this was Frasier's idea? Niles: Well, indirectly, yeah. Oh, oh, before I forget: it occurred to me, I think we should keep this from Daphne and Donny. I would hate for them to think we were stealing their thunder. [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier comes in. Frasier: Oh, Niles. Niles: Frasier, three guesses what I did yesterday... Frasier: What? Daphne enters behind him (with her blow dryer). Niles: Daphne. Daphne: Dr. Crane. Niles: [to Martin] Oh, send Daphne away. Daphne: [to Frasier] Get rid of your father. Martin: Daphne, could you go to the drugstore? I'm all out of liniment and my back's gettin' kinda achy. Frasier: You know, Dad, that's because you've been sitting in that chair all day. I'll tell you what, you know what you could use? A good walk to the drugstore. Do you a world of good. I'll go with you. Frasier grabs Martin's arm and cane and starts dragging him to the door. Martin: Well, okay, all right. Niles, why don't you come too? Niles: Yeah, we'll all go. [He starts to follow] Frasier: No, no, there's something very important I need to discuss with Dad, Niles. I'm sure you understand. Martin: Fras...! Frasier slams the door behind them. Niles and Daphne look at each other a moment and then Niles's cell phone goes off. Niles: Oh, excuse me. [Answers phone] Hello? Mel, darling! Oh, just hanging out with Daphne. CUT TO: the hallway. Frasier and Martin are waiting for the elevator. Frasier: Honestly Dad, when will you learn to take a hint? Martin: I can't take a hint? Couldn't you see that Niles wanted to talk to you? The elevator opens and they get on. Mrs. Richman is there, without the basket, apparently going back for another load. Frasier: Well, whatever it is, it can wait. Martin: Oh, yeah! No big deal, he just got married, that's all! Frasier: What? Martin: He eloped with Mel yesterday. Richman: Poor Daphne... Frasier: Would you please keep out of this, Mrs. Richman? We have got to get back up there. [Stabs at the buttons] Martin: We're going to the basement. Frasier: I can't wait that long! The doors open on a lower floor. Frasier runs around the corner to the stairs. CUT BACK TO: the living room. Niles: [on phone] I'll see you later, darling. [Hangs up] Sorry about that. Daphne: It's all right. Niles sits down on the couch. Niles: So, forty-eight hours 'til the big day, you must be pretty excited. Daphne: It's funny you should mention that. [Sits on the couch beside him] You see, Dr. Crane... Niles: Yes, Daphne? Frasier: [bursts through door] NILES! Niles and Daphne stand up in shock; Frasier freezes in the door, wondering if his entrance was precipitous. Daphne: Dr. Crane! You're back awfully soon! Niles: You're all out of breath, is something wrong? Frasier: Ah, no, no. It's just there's something I need to discuss with Niles. Daphne: What, now? We were just having a chat! Frasier: Well I'm sure it can wait. Niles: Actually Daphne, I need to talk to Frasier, too. If you don't mind. Daphne: Oh! Of course not! It's not like I have anything important to talk about! She storms off to her room, grabbing the bag of cookies on her way. Martin comes in behind Frasier. Niles: Daphne all right? Frasier: Well, uh, it's just wedding stuff, I guess. Speaking of which, I understand you have some, some news? You're married? Niles: Yes. I guess Dad couldn't contain himself any more than I could. Frasier: Well, I thought you were just gonna move in together. Niles: Well, so did I! But then the strangest thing happened. As we talked about it, we got more and more excited about the idea of being together. And then I remembered your advice. Martin gives Frasier a very hooded look right here. Niles: To stop taking baby steps through life. Before we knew it, we were asking the waitress for a phone book so we could find a justice-of-the-peace. The doorbell rings, Martin gets it. Frasier: Well, what can I say, but... congratulations. Niles: Thank you! They hug. Martin opens the door, it is Mel with a bottle of champagne. Mel: Martin! Or should I say "Dad"? Martin: [nervous] Yeah, I heard. Frasier: Mel. Daphne comes out of her room behind Niles. Niles: Darling... oh, darling, it occurred to me that perhaps we should keep this quiet from Daphne. Daphne: Keep what quiet? Mel: Oh, we can't keep something like this a secret! [takes Niles's hand] We got married! Daphne: [freezes for a second, then] Did you? Behind Niles and Mel, Frasier looks heartsick. Niles: Yes, while we were out of town. But the last thing we want is to upstage you and Donny, so we are not mentioning this outside this room. Mel makes a little lip-locking gesture. Daphne: [coming to them and taking each of their hands] Well, I am just so happy for you both. Niles: We're having champagne. Would you like to join us? Daphne: Oh, I'd love to. But I have to get a check down to the caterers, they're closing early today. Frasier: Let me drive you over, Daphne. Daphne: Oh, no, I'm fine. Congratulations again. Oh, save a glass for me. CUT TO: the hallway. She goes out into the hallway. We follow as she pushes the button for the elevator. Her shoulders shake with sobs she is holding back. As the elevator doors open, her face breaks and she lets out a sob. Mrs. Richman is standing there with her basket. She puts it down, opens her arms and takes Daphne into a hug to cry on her shoulder. END OF ACT TWO

Frasier, Daphne, Niles, Mel and Martin return from the funeral of Morrie, the doorman of Elliott Bay Towers. Martin bears a final gift from Morrie; a rare bottle of wine. Niles confesses to Frasier that he feels anxious about his relationship with Mel. After Niles denies that he still possesses feelings for Daphne, Frasier urges his brother to seize the moment and move on. Daphne reveals to Frasier that she knows about Niles' seven-year crush on her and she has fallen in love with him. When Niles returns from a retreat, however, he announces that he and Mel are married. Frasier tells Niles that Daphne knows how he feels towards her, and that there is a possibility she shares his feelings. The night before Daphne's wedding to Donny, Niles tells her that he loves her, and they kiss. Daphne then tells Niles that they have made too many commitments to others to back out now. The next morning, Niles sits in the Winnebago, unable to watch Daphne be married. Martin and Frasier join him and prepare to enjoy the rare bottle of wine, only to discover that it is undrinkable. Frasier and Martin leave Niles alone, until Daphne appears in her wedding dress, and asks if he wants to go on a date.

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[Press conference] (Alicia and Peter are walking in a hall and they are going into the press room. There are a lot of journalists.) Peter: Good morning. An hour ago, I resigned as State's Attorney of Cook Country. I did this with a heavy heart and a deep commitment to fight these scurrilous charges. I wanna be clear. I've never abused my office. I've never traded lighter senses for financial or sexual favors. At the same time, I need to atone for my personal failings with my wife, Alicia, and our two children. The money used in these transactions was mine and mine alone. No public funds were ever utilized. But I do admit to the failure of judgment in my private dealings with these women. Alicia and I ask the press, please respect our privacy. Give us time to hear. With the love of God, and the forgiveness of my family, I know I can rebuild their trust. I wanna thank the people of Chicago; it has been an honor to serve you. And I pray that one day, I may serve you again. Thank you. (Alicia and Peter leave) Journalists: Sir! Are you still involved with prostitutes, sir? How many were there, sir? Will you ever try to hold public office again? Sir! Answer the question! [In a hall] Press agent: We have interviews set up with the Tribune and Channel Four. Peter: Absolutely not! I'm not doing any more interviews. I want you to cancel all of them. That's it! Press agent: I'll tell Channel Two, we don't have a comment at the present time but we emphatically question the authenticity of this thing. (Press agents leave) Peter: Hey, you all right? (Alicia slaps Peter and then, leaves) Journalists: Mrs.Florrick, how long have you know your husband was having an affair? How are you going to protect your children? [6 months later; in an office] (Alicia is waiting and a girl passes in the hall) Alicia: Oh excuse me, isn't the staff meeting at 9.30? The girl: You're in the wrong conference room. It's up one floor. Alicia: Oh, God! (Alicia takes her stuff and runs to the other floor. She enters into a room) A voice (Will's voice): This is a major class action. A case that could propel us to the top rank of full service firms, and I don't think I need to remind you what that will do to your year-end bonuses. Anyway, Sheffrin-Marks fired their last firm because they took their eyes off the ball. So, until further notice, your personal lives have been cancelled. Another voice (Diane's): So, we'll need some of you to help with the lower profile client work to free up our top litigators. Will: Ed, you take the witness prep on highway redistribution. Don, you take the Brighton criminal and Alicia will take the pro bono. Everyone else, your task is to show Sheffrin-Marks our 'A' game, ok? Let's do this! (End of the meeting- Alicia and Will are in the hall and they're walking) Alicia: Will. Will: Alicia. Alicia: Hey. Will: I'm sorry I didn't introduce you in there. Everything is moving real fast with this class action. Alicia: Well, I just wanted to say thank you for the opportunity. It's a real life saver. Will: No, glad you could come aboard. Hope you're all right with this pro bono. How'd it sound? Alicia: Interesting. Will: Good. Don't be nervous. You worried about the gunshot residue? Alicia: No...oh, god! (phone rings) Will: Nice ring tone. Who gets that? Alicia: Oh, my mother-in-law. My daughter programmed it. Will: What's yours? Alicia: I don't wanna know! So, the gun residue. Will: Diane, you're briefing Alicia, right? Good. So you're in good hands. So, let's catch up, have dinner. (Diane arrives, Will leaves - Diane and Alicia walk in the halls) Diane: So, Will speaks highly of you. He says you graduated top of your class at Georgetown. When was this? Alicia: 15 years ago. Diane: Hum, hum...and you spent 2 years at? Alicia: Crozier, Abrams & Abbott. Diane: Good firm. Will says you clocked the highest billable hours there. Why did you leave? Alicia: Well, the kids and Peter's career. Diane: Hum...Brian, can you get Mrs. Florrick the files? Brian: Sure! Diane: I want you to think of me as a mentor, Alicia. It's the closest thing we have to an old boys' network in this town. [Diane's office] Diane: Women helping women, ok? Alicia: Ok. Diane: When I was starting out, I got one great piece of advice. Men can be lazy, women can't. And I think that goes double for you. Not only, you're coming back to the workplace fairly late, but you've some very prominent baggage. But, hey, she can do it, so can you! (Brian enters in the office) Diane: Thanks Brian! Like many law firms, we donate 5% of billable hours to pro bono. Sadly, I'm long past my quota on this one: Jennifer Lewis, 26 years old, taught second grade. Accused of killing her ex-husband. Prosecution thought it was a slam dunk 45 years, but the jury came back last week, deadlocked. 6 jurors voted to convict, 6 not; I'm not even sure why the State Attorney is re-trying except he wants...Justice! He wants to prove himself! So, stick with my strategy from the first trial. The police focused on Jennifer so early in the investigation, they never even looked for the carjacker. Deadlock a jury a second time, they'll never re-try a third, ok? Ok, our investigator can get you up to speed for the bail hearing at 3. Cormac, I'm ready! Alicia: The hearing's today? Diane: Well, we could delay, but that would leave Jennifer incarcerated for another month. Don't worry, you'll be fine! The ASA's not going to argue against a recognizance release. Let's go, meeting at 10.30. (Diane leaves and Alicia follows) [In the hall, Alicia hears the TV from Brian's office. It's the speech of Peter] Sound from the TV: But I do admit to a failure of judgment in my private dealings with these women. Brian: Sorry. Sound from the TV: ...mine and mine alone. No public funds were ever utilized. The recent news... (Alicia leaves) [In the hall of the offices] Cary: Hey, let me help. Alicia: No, I'm fine. Cary: I'm heading that way. I'm Cary, the other new associate. Alicia: Oh right, Alicia. Cary: Yeah, look, I know we should be hate each other's throats, but I just wanna say I really respect what you're doing here. Raising a family and then, jumping back into this. My mum, she's thinking of doing the same thing. Alicia: Great. Cary: Yeah. So, you're on the pro bono, right? Alicia: Humhum. Cary: Yeah, that's great! I interned last summer at the Innocence Project. My dad's best friend is Barry Scheck and it was just amazing: helping people. Here, they got me on the Sheffrin-Marks. I'm sure it will be challenging, but at the end of the day, what have you really done? Saved a corporation of few billion dollars? Alicia: You wanna trade? Cary: I would, but I guess they have other plans, so... (An assistant arrives in the hall with some field) An assistant: I'm almost done, Cary. The last one is on your desk. Cary: Thank you. The assistant: Hi, Mrs. Florrick. Cary: Looks like we share an assistant, so tell me when I'm hogging her, ok? And let the best men win! Alicia: Excuse me? Cary: Let the...nothing! It's nothing. I...It's nothing! [In Alicia's office] Alicia: Oops... (There is someone in her office) Kalinda: Don't worry. It's yours! Alicia: Oh! Kalinda: Kalinda Sharma. I'm the in-house. Alicia: Oh, the investigator. Kalinda: You're Peter Florrick's wife. Alicia: That's right! Kalinda: I worked with him at the State's attorney's office three years. He fired me. Alicia: Ok. Kalinda: So what do you know? Alicia: The client is a second-grade school teacher, Jennifer. Kalinda: Lewis. Alicia: Arrested for killing her ex-husband. Kalinda: Making it look like a botched carjacking. Gunshot residue was found on Jennifer's face and hands. (They walked outside the office) That's why the cops started to think it was a murder disguised as a carjacking. According to them, Jennifer shot her ex-husband and wiped down the gun. Alicia: And the motive? Kalinda: He remarried and wanted custody of the 3 years-old. Witnesses saw them arguing a week before the murder. (In an elevator - Alicia's phone rings) Rings: hey, mom, pick up the phone. Hey, mom, pick up the phone. Alicia: Sorry, it's my daughter. (On the phone) Alicia: Hi, Grace. Grace: Hey, mom. I want to ask you a question, but I don't want you to freak out, ok? Alicia: Oh, oh. Grace: Forget it! I'll ask Zach. Alicia: No, no! What? (See Grace on the phone) Grace: All right, well, some girl said that slept with a hooker my age. And I just... (Alicia is in the hall at the Court) Alicia: What? A guardian: Madam, you'll have to turn that off. Grace: They were playing the tape in the computer lab, and some girls said her dad's a cop and he said one of the hookers was a teenager. Alicia: Ok, first of all, they were all over 20 and second, where is the teacher? Grace: It's no big deal, mom. Look I've got homework. I'll talk to you later. (Alicia arrives in front of the door) Kalinda: What? Alicia: Last time, I was in court was 13 years ago. Kalinda: Wow, I was 12. Alicia: Thanks! [In the court] A voice: The judge reaches into his pocket, pulls out a check, handing it to the plaintiff. I'm returning 5 grand and we're going to decide this. It's Florrick's wife. Alicia? My god. Matan, from the department Christmas party. You're at Stern, Lockhart & Gardner? Alicia: Yeah, first day. Matan: Oh, this is Sandra Pai. She's new since Peter. How is he doing by the way? Alicia: Peter? Fine! Matan: Say hello for me, will you? Look at all this. You're gonna to bury us. I don't know how you do it, Alicia. I'd be huddled up in a ball somewhere. Well, back to work. (The judge arrives) Matan: Good luck. (Jennifer, the client, arrives) Jennifer: Where's Diane? Alicia: Diane asks me to step in for her. Jennifer, I'm Alicia Florrick. I'm one of the other layers with the firm. Jennifer: Step in? For how long? Alicia: For the retrial. Jennifer: Oh my god! A voice: All right, man. The Criminal Court of Cook County is now in session, the honorable judge Richard Cuesta presiding. The judge: Be seated! Ok, let's hear it! Alicia: Your honor, I just... Matan: Your Honor, just to refresh your memory, the accused was deemed a flight risk due to an earlier custody hearing in which she threatened to run off with her daughter. The judge: And yet just last week a jury deadlocked on these murder charges six to six, Mr.Brody. Now, I know our new state's attorney wants to look tough, but why are you fighting this? Alicia: Your Honor, I just wanted to... Matan: The people are prepared to retry this case right now, your Honor. If Mrs.Florrick is so intent on getting her client out, why doesn't she agree to a speedy trial? The judge: Mrs. Florrick? Alicia: Yes, your Honor. The judge: The wife of the esteem Peter Florrick? You husband and I never quite saw eye to eye, madam. Alicia: Your Honor. The judge: Mrs.Florrick, don't talk! But if the prosecution thinks that this will in some way prejudice me against your client, he is sorely mistaken. Nice try, Matan. So Mrs. Lewis is granted pretrial release with an electronic monitoring. She is restricted to temporary housing attorney's offices, and transit in between. And given that this is rerun, I'll set the trial date for the 25th. Now, are we all happy? Good! Jennifer: Thank you! Alicia: Sure. (Lockhart's office - meeting between Jennifer, Alicia and Kalinda) Jennifer: We had a nice time. Michael talked about missing his daughter; the life we had together. We were driving home and uh... We got a flat. He was getting out to fix it, and I saw...a red pickup truck. A man came up to Michael. I didn't see the gun until. (Flashbacks of the moment - we see Jennifer screaming) Jennifer: Michael! (In the office) Jennifer: And I saw Michael's face. It was, um... Alicia: Do you need to take a break? Jennifer: No, just...if there is some water. Alicia: Sure. (Alicia leaves - Kalinda and Jennifer stay in the office) (Alicia speaks to her assistant) Alicia: Sonia, we need some water in here. Sonia: It's going to be about 5 minutes, but then I've got to do in his depot upstairs. Alicia: Ok, uh, tell me when you're done. (In the office with Kalinda & Jennifer) Kalinda: You stay this man ran to a red pickup truck here, and took off in this direction across the parking lot. There is a surveillance camera here. And the prosecution played it to make you look like a liar. Jennifer: I'm not lying. (Alicia is coming) Kalinda: But there is no truck on the tape, and that's why you're facing retrial how and not an acquittal. Alicia: I think what Kalinda is trying to say, Jennifer is, is it possible that you were mistaken and that the car went this way...not that way? Is that your daughter? Jennifer: They won't let me see her. Michael's parents have custody. What am I gonna do? Alicia: You're gonna take one day at a time. We got your housing. You're going to go there, take a shower, take a nap. Don't turn on the TV. You like reading? I'm going to get you some books. Fiction is best. You won't feel like it, but put on nice clothes and makeup. Force yourself to. Not for court, for you. Is the superficial things that matter most right now. Jennifer: Does it ever get easier? Alicia: No! But you do get better at it. (In front of the elevator - discussion between Alicia and Kalinda) Alicia: What? Kalinda: You identify with too many clients, you burn out! Alicia: Why don't you tell me when I do something right, ok? Kalinda: Sure. You go and interview the jurors and I'll try to figure out how a surveillance camera can lie. [In a hospital] (Alicia is asking some questions to a woman, one member of the jury) A woman: That's right. I was the jury foreman. Alicia: And you don't mind answering a few questions for us, doctor? It helps us refine the case for the retrial. A woman: No problem. I don't think you'll need much refining. Your case was very strong, very logical. In fact, I'm not even sure the other side went to trial. I voted for conviction right from the start. Alicia: Good. You mean acquittal? A woman: No, conviction. Alicia: But I'm with the defense. A woman: Oh. (The woman leaves) [In a school] (Alicia is talking to a man, one member of the jury) The man: She was lying about the pickup truck. She had the gunshot residue on her hands. Alicia: Can I ask you how many voted for conviction from the start, sir? The man: Eleven. Alicia: What? The men: There was only one holdout: Juror number 9. We argued with her for 3 days. Alicia: But the judge polled the jury and they deadlocked 6 to 6. The men: Yes, well, the judge would only declare us deadlocked if we were evenly split. So some of us agreed to change our vote to not guilty just to get out of there! If it hadn't been for juror number 9, we would have convicted. She didn't convince us. She exhausted us. [In a house] (Alicia is speaking to Mrs. Duretsky, juror number 9) Alicia: No tea for me, Mrs. Duretsky. Mrs.Duretsky: Suit yourself. Alicia: So the other jurors said you were a holdout. Is that correct? Mrs.Duretsky: Mm-hmm. They all thought they were so much smarter than me. My vote counted just as much as theirs. Alicia: Uh-uh. What exactly in the defense's case convinced you? Mrs.Duretsky: Well, the whole thing, really. I tend to look at a person and size them up pretty quickly. That lady, I liked her. Alicia: The defendant, Jennifer? Mrs.Duretsky: No, that lawyer lady. She never puts on airs. I like that! Alicia: Just so I'm clear: the defense expert argued that the gunshot residue on Jennifer's hands came from the struggle. Is that why you held out? Mrs.Duretsky: Oh, I don't know about that! I just tend to get a feeling. Don't I, Cyrus! [In Alicia's car] (The phone rings - conversation between Alicia and Jackie) Alicia: Hi, Jackie. What's wrong? Jackie: Nothing's wrong. I was going through the laundry and I think some of Grace's school clothes you would find inappropriate. Alicia: We just moved away. Grace has left all her friends. I need you to go easier on her. Jackie: All I said was I could take her shopping and help her find pants that would make her look slimmer. Alicia: She's at the perfectly healthy weight. I don't want her to have body image issues. Jackie: She'll only have body image issues if she keeps gaining weight. (Will knocks on the car) Will: Alicia. (Alicia to Jackie) Alicia: We'll talk about this when I get home later, ok? Jackie: All right! Alicia: Bye. (Alicia and Will are walking in the parking lot) Alicia: You know the new associate, Cary? Will: The one in the Brioni? What? I'm an observant. Alicia: Yes, the one in the Brioni. He said to me "may the best man win". What exactly does he mean by that? Will: What he means is something I thought we weren't making public. Alicia: What? Will: Look, we only have one associate position open. So we agreed to hire 2 applicants, and in 6 months, decide which one to retain. Alicia: So this is a contest between me and Cary? Will: It was either that or a cage match. I'm just happy your pro bono is going well. [In prison] The guardian: Visiting hours are almost over. (Alicia calls on Peter) Peter: They said a visitor. I thought mum. Alicia: I've been busy. Peter: It's good to see you. Alicia: I need you to sign some things. Peter: Ok. Alicia: We didn't get everything we wanted on the house. It's a bad market to sell! Peter: I see that! Alicia: We used most of it for your court costs. The rent will come out of my salary and the kids are going to have to stay in public school. Peter: How are they? Mother says that she's helping out around the house. Alicia: They're good. Grace argues over clothes with your mother, and Zach is using you to make friends at school which I don't know is that's a healthy thing or something worse. Peter: Using me? Alicia: "Funny or die" has a skit about you. It's cool, I guess. Oh...here. Peter: Alicia, I know this has been hard on you, but you've to believe me. I'm innocent of the abuse of office charges. Alicia: You think I give a damn about that, Peter? They were playing a tape in Grace's computer lab of you sucking the toes of a hooker. You think I care about the small print in your employment contract? Peter: Come on, I was set up. The state attorneys... Alicia: Come on! I don't wanna talk! I'm not gonna fight. I didn't come here to fight! Peter: Mum says you're on a case. Congratulations! The fake carjacking, right? Who's the judge? Alicia: Richard Cuesta. Peter: You're kidding! He hates me. Alicia: I know. A voice: Visiting hours are now over. Peter: You know there was something weird about the case, don't you? The Lewis' case? There was a rumor going around that something got buried, pitted. Alicia: What? Peter: Evidence or testimony. Alicia: I should go. Peter: Hey, listen. Thanks for playing the breadwinner for a while. It's not gonna last forever. Lawyers think that the appellate court is going to hear my case. If they overturn it, everything goes back to normal. Alicia: Peter, it's never going back to normal. [In a car] (Alicia and Kalinda are talking) Alicia: As soon as the cops found gunshot residue on Jennifer's hands, they had their suspect. So what if they pitted everything else? Kalinda: And what if they didn't? Arguments are cheap. What's that? Alicia: Page 1 of the crime lab summary. Look at the top of the corner. Kalinda: Looks like a staple. Alicia: It is a staple. Kalinda: And that's odd because... Alicia: There's no page 2. Why do they need to staple if there is no page 2? Kalinda: You think the cops kept something out the discovery that pointed to another suspect? Alicia: Well, I think either they did or it would be helpful in court to imply that they did. Kalinda: 2 days away from trial and you're thinking of dropping the old strategy? Alicia: Diane barely convinced a cat lady to acquit. Kalinda: So, a pickup truck is seen racing through a well-lit, empty parking lot. How's a truck missed by that surveillance camera? Alicia: Mismarked surveillance tape. Kalinda: Yeah. Alicia: What are you doing? Kalinda: Working. These are better than subpoenas. [In a firm] (Kalinda and Alicia ask some questions to a guy working in the firm near the place where the murder happened) Kalinda: We just need to see how the surveillance system works, and we'll be out of your hair in 5 minutes. A guy: 5 minutes? Kalinda: Uh-uh. A guy: Ok, it's down here. Alicia: Why did my husband fire you? Kalinda: He accused me of working 2 jobs. Alicia: Were you? Kalinda: Oh, yeah! A guy: The computer automatically records the surveillance, marks it with date and time. Kalinda: Is that the night of the murder? A guy: Yeah. I mean even if the computer did mismark it, I make an hourly tour of the lot, and I didn't see a pickup truck. Look that's me! 11:03 just before the murder. Kalinda: Can we have copies of these? (The guy calls his assistant) A guy: Sure. Lanie, Lanie! Lanie : what ? A guy : give me some disks. Lanie: All right! (Alicia to Lanie) Alicia: Your machine spit out an extra one. Would you like it? Oh, beautiful children. Lanie: 2 kids, 2 grandkids. A guy: Lanie, how about those disks? Alicia: Is he always so charming? Lanie: He's just a lazy mall cops, he spends all the day surfing p0rn, and with night shift, he can't get his skinny ass out of his chair. I'm always waking him up in the morning. Alicia: Oh, men! [Alicia's house] Jackie: I talked to Peter. He said you dropped by. Alicia: I did. Jackie: I'm glad. He's hurting in there. He's very brave but he's hurting. He needs you to forgive him, Alicia. Alicia: Jackie, I spent 15 years doing his laundry, cleaning his house, never asking a single question because I didn't think I had to. And he took everything I thought we had and he just put it out there for everyone. Jackie: He didn't want that! The press... Alicia: Oh, Jackie! Stop it, please! Peter wasn't thinking of us. Jackie: It takes time Alicia. Give it time. Alicia: Any time I have right now is for them. [SCENE_BREAK] [Grace's room] Grace: I want her dead. Alicia: Me too, just not quite yet. Grace: So why can't Zach and I just watch ourselves? Alicia: Honey, she's only here a couple of hours a day. Grace: A couple very damaging hours. Alicia: You'll heal, and change her ringtone. [In the court] (Matan questions a witness, Cindy Lewis) Matan: Please state your name. Cindy: Cindy Lewis. Matan: And you were married to the victim for how long, Mrs. Lewis? Cindy: 2 years until...Thank you. Matan: And how would you describe your husband's relationship with his first wife? Cindy: Well, most of the time it was fine, friendly even, but after the last custody hearing; Michael was pretty worried about Jennifer... Alicia: Objection, your Honor! Judge: On what grounds? Alicia: Hearsay. Judge: Nice try, Mrs. Florrick. I'll allow. Go ahead, Mrs. Lewis. Cindy: He was worried Jennifer was intent on getting sole custody. Matan: Thank you, Mrs. Lewis. Your witness. Alicia: Now, Mrs. Lewis, you stated that Michael was worried about Jennifer, yet in the week following... Matan: Objection, your Honor. Judge: Sustained. Alicia: In your testimony, Mrs. Lewis, you claimed that Jennifer wanted sole custody, but isn't it true... Matan: Objection. Judge: sustained. Keep trying Mrs. Florrick. You'll hit on it! Alicia: Mrs. Lewis, whose idea was it to have dinner, Jennifer or Michael's? Cindy: Michael's. Alicia: So wouldn't that suggest that his attitude had changed. Matan: Objection! Judge: Sustained. Alicia: Thank you. (Sandra Pai & Alicia question a new witness, Detective Briggs) Sandra Pai: Now, Detective Briggs, the defense has referred to 3 unsolved carjacking in the neighborhood at that time. Are you aware of this? Briggs: I am. Sandra Pai: So why didn't you consider this incident to be another in that series of carjacking? Briggs: First of all, they were all luxury cars: 1 Lexus and 2 BMWs. The victim in this crime was driving a 2001 Honda, and there was no clip on the fuel line. Sandra Pai: This is what the carjackers did to force the luxury cars over. Briggs: That's right. Sandra Pai: but in the case of the Honda, the victim pulled over because he had a flat. Briggs: Yes, man. There was a nail driven into the front driver tire. Sandra Pai: I see. Now, why is this something a carjacker would never do, Detective? Briggs: It would defeat the purpose. I mean, how do you steal a car with a flat? Sandra Pai: Your witness. (Jennifer to Alicia) Jennifer: It's not going well, is it? Alicia: It's early. Judge: Mrs. Florrick? (Alicia to the witness) Alicia: Detective Briggs, what is "the pit"? Briggs: Excuse me? Alicia: In police circles, what is "the pit"? Matan: Objection, Your Honor. Judge: On what grounds? Matan: On the grounds that...relevance. Judge: Well, let us see how relevant this becomes, shall we? Detective? Briggs: The pit...the pit is police slang for evidence thought irrelevant at a crime scene. Alicia: So when an officer's referring to dropping something in "the pit" or "pitting" it, he refers to what? Briggs: Excluding it from the crime scene narrative. But that only applies to irrelevant details. We wouldn't exclude pertinent evidence. Alicia: Was anything pitted from the Lewis' crime... Matan: Your Honor, objection! [In the judge's office] Matan: Evidence is logged in all the time that proves irrelevant to the discovery. It's not intent to deceive. It's intent... Sandra Pai: We don't even know if it is anything. Matan: And to blame the prosecution for not coming up with every ...single possible detail. Sandra Pai: She's trying to build... Judge: Ok, ok, Mrs. Florrick. None of this was in the first trial. Is it your intention to pursue a new defense? Alicia: Yes, Your Honor. Matan: Counsel's trying to mislead the jury. She's implying there was police corruption. Judge: Oh, shut up, Matan! Is she right? That's the question! Did you bury something? Matan: We all know what's going on here. Peter Florrick was a corrupt and convicted state's attorney. If evidence was buried, he buried it! And now, she's benefiting from his knowledge. Judge: ...which still leaves you with some pages missing here. I'll give you until Monday to produce them, along with any evidence they reference. Then, I'll rule on admissibility. And you, Mrs. Florrick, I'm not sure if you're being fed this stuff or you're doing it on your own, but if it's the former, you're walking a very narrow ethical line here. You understand that? Alicia: Yes, Your Honor. [Diane's office] Diane: The directive was simple: follow the strategy of the first trial. Instead, you're pushing for evidence that might not even help your case. Alicia: I interviewed the first jury, and they voted 11 to one to convict. Diane: Excuse me. That's not even true! It was evenly split. Alicia: No! Half the jurors switched their votes when they couldn't get a troubled juror to deliberate. So, I used my judgment to change strategies. Diane: And was it your judgment not to update us? (Alicia leaves - Conversation between Will and Diane in her office) Diane: She's a junior associate who doesn't think she's a junior associate! Her husband was a state's attorney. She lived in Highland Park. It's not just teaching an old dog new trick. It's teaching entitled dog new tricks. Will: Oh, come on Diane. The problem is she's catching evidence that you overlooked. I've seen you mentor these women until they start competing with you and then... Diane: What? Excuse me? I say we're reprimand Alicia and put Cary in as first chair. [Alicia's office] Jennifer: Thank you. (phone rings) That's her, isn't it? Alicia: Sonia, can you...(Alicia picks up the phone) Alicia Florrick's office. One moment, please. Jennifer pick up. Jennifer: Hello? Hi, baby. I miss you so much. (Kalinda and Alicia walk in the street) Kalinda: Alicia. It's dog hair: the pitted evidence. I talked to a friend at the crime lab, gave me a preview of the evidence. Alicia: A preview? Kalinda: It's dog hair found on the victim's clothes. Cops pitted it because they found dog hair at Michael's residence and thought it was the same. Alicia: It's not? Kalinda: It's from an Italian greyhound. Neither Michael nor Jennifer had greyhounds. There's also a chemical on the hair: Alco Ectolin, a lotion for muscle and joint paint. Alicia: That's the chemical number? Kalinda: No, his cell number. I agreed to drink. Alicia: So we're looking for an arthritic greyhound owner. Kalinda: We? I hear you're being bumped to second chair. Alicia: When? Kalinda: End of tomorrow. Cary's being transitioned in and he'll go back to the first trial strategy. Alicia: Wow. [Alicia's living room] TV: It's not a good year for him. The all-star point guard is currently suing his ex-girlfriend for damages, hoping the judge can finally determine whether this case was fact or fantasy. You know her simply as "Amber", the young woman who brought down bad boy Chicago State's attorney Peter Florrick. Though she says he wants to leave the scandal far behind, celebrity call girl Amber Madison has decided to write a memoir about her time with Florrick. In this exclusive interview with Inside Edition... (Alicia turns off the TV - Jackie arrives) Jackie: Do you really have to work? Alicia: Yes, 10 more minutes. Zach, I need your computer. Zach: Mum, I just raised my wanted level. Alicia: Yeah, I'm happy for you honey. Jackie: When Peter's father was on the Illinois' court, he never brought a single case home, not once! Alicia: He was judge, Jackie. I'm a junior associate. Zach?! (Zach arrives) I need you to play these 2 computer disks side by side. Can you set my computer next to yours? How's your sister? She still fighting with Grandma? [In Zach's room] Zach: What is it? Alicia: It's video the night of the murder. Zach: Like Faces of Death? Mum, I've seen worse. Alicia: You're adorable! Zach: I'm not! Alicia: Yes, you're! Zach, freeze it! Zach: What? What is it? Alicia: It's proof! [In the court - new witness, Mr. North, the guy from the company] Matan: This is at 11:03, the night of the murder, Mr. North, and...that's you, making your hourly circuit of the lot, correct? North: Yes, that's correct! Matan: And you saw, no pickup truck, no carjacker racing past, nothing the defendant claims she saw. North: That's correct. Matan: Thank you. Nothing further, Your Honor. Judge: Mrs. Florrick. Alicia: Can we have the monitor in, please? Thank you. (In the public - Will and Kalinda) Will: State's attorney is here. Alicia: Now, Mr. North... Kalinda (to Will): they're worried she's getting the stuff from her husband. Alicia: Here all 3 images. The middle is the image of the surveillance from the 15th, the night of the murder, and the one over there on the left is the image from the 14th, the night before the murder, and the one on the right is from the 16th, the night after the murder. Can you see the dates on those? North: Yes, I can. Alicia: So, as you said before, there you are the night of the murder at 11:03, making your circuit of the lot. And there you're the night before the murder and the night after, doing the same thing. It must get old! North: No, man. My job doesn't pay as much as yours, but I still love it. Alicia: Ok, good. Now, Mr. North, let's fast forward, shall we? 45 minutes, the night of the murder and there... What do you see? North: Nothing. Alicia: No? It's right there...maybe you need to move in a little closer. North: Oh, it's a shopping bag; it looks like a shopping bag. Alicia: Actually, it is. It's a plastic shopping bag. It was a very windy night that night, and it blew across the lot at 11:48 Matan: Your Honor, objection! What does this have to do with anything? Judge: Beats me. But I'm interested, aren't you, Mr. Brody? Overruled. Alicia: Ok, so let's fast-forward the other 2 monitors, the night before the murder and the night after the murder to the same time code. There is the 14th and the 16th. What do you see? North: Um...I don't know. Alicia: I think you do know, sir. Either you have a plastic bag that blows across your lot every night at 11:48, or these are duplicates of the same tape. North: No, it...it's not...what it looks like. Alicia: I understand, sir. You didn't willfully mislead the police. North: Yeah, that's correct! Alicia: No, it's just that it gets cold out there, and sometimes you don't make the circuit of the lot. North: Yes. Alicia: On the nights, you don't go out, you don't record the actual surveillance image, you set your computer up to duplicate the night before, just in case your manager checks in, is that correct? North: Yes. Alicia: So just I'm clear, there is no recording the night of the murder, and you were never there to see or not see the pickup truck or the carjacker. North: I'm sorry. Uh, yes. Alicia: No further questions. [Alicia's office - Discussion between Alicia & Will] Will: So, you're wondering whether demolishing the key prosecution witness didn't just save your ass as first chair...nice work, by the way... Alicia: Thanks. Will:...but was enough for reasonable doubt. You know what hurts you? Alicia: Nail in the tire. Will: Yep...and the old Honda. It just doesn't feel like a carjacking. It feels like a murder made to look like a carjacking. Alicia: What if I don't fight it? Will: What, agree that it was just a murder? Then, the jury needs a suspect. Alicia: It's late. Will: It's like old times. Evidentiary procedure; the mock trial. Alicia: You remember that? Will: How could I forget? Did we lose that one? Alicia: Yeah! (Alicia's assistant arrives) Assistant: Hi, hi, Mrs. Florrick, I just want to say congratulations. I heard you did well in court. Alicia: Thanks, Sonia. (Sonia leaves) Alicia: Heading out? Will: Yeah, I got a breakfast meeting with clients. What? Alicia: Something just doesn't seem right. Michael has dinner with his first wife. Will: Right. Alicia: He tells Jennifer he misses her, he missed their old life together. Will: Right. Alicia: What does Cindy think about it? Will: The second wife? Cindy thinks some unhappy thoughts. Alicia: Jury like her. Will: Get them not to. [In the hall's court] Alicia: What did you get on Cindy's brother? Kalinda: These are his employment records. Alicia: Good. What about the lab report? Kalinda: Here. But they're gonna object the whole way. You'll need to just string together some implications... (State's attorney arrives in the direction of Alicia & Kalinda) Childs: Mrs. Florrick, you've a moment? (Kalinda leaves) Childs: I don't think we've ever met before, Glenn Childs. Alicia: We've met! Childs: You know he's using you, don't you? Peter blames me for his downfall. He's using you to get to me. Alicia: How do you figure? Childs: Mrs. Florrick, please. He told you about the pitted trace evidence. Don't make yourself collateral damage here, for your own sake. Alicia: Mr. Childs, the day you leaked that s*x tape to the press and forced me to shield my children from every cable news station that played it in a 24-hour rotation, that was the day I became collateral damage. If you're worried about my husband, Mr. Childs, you obviously never made a woman angry before. Good luck in court. [In court - witness, Cindy Lewis] Alicia: Mrs. Lewis did you and the deceased sign a prenuptial agreement? Cindy: Yes, for tax purposes. Alicia: So if the deceased were to divorce you, let's say, in order to reunite with his first wife. Matan: Objection. Judge: Sustained. Alicia: If the deceased were to divorce you, you would be cut off from his premarital savings, is that correct? Matan: Objection, relevance! Judge: Sustained. Move it along, Mrs. Florrick. Alicia: Mrs. Lewis, you stated in your testimony that you were in Miami at the time of the shooting visiting family, so the police never suspected or questioned you. Cindy: Of the murder? No, of course not! Alicia: What about your brother? Matan: Objection, Your Honor, come on, this whole line of questioning is a smokescreen. Judge: Mr. Brody, why don't we wait for a whiff of smoke before we call it a screen, please? I'll allow. Alicia: The police never questioned your brother, isn't that correct, Mrs. Lewis? Cindy: They had no reason to. Alicia: Because he lived in Miami? Cindy: Because Danny has nothing to do with this. Alicia: Mrs. Lewis, the judge has admitted into evidence the buried...Strike that...the previously unreleased trace evidence. He has also admitted into evidence the crime lab's finding that these greyhound hairs were covered in a chemical compound called Alco Ectolin. Have you heard of this? Cindy: Sorry, the chemical? No. Alicia: No, neither had I. It is a lotion. It is a lotion that is used at dog racing tracks to ease... Matan: Objection, not in evidence. Judge: Sustained, and you might want to stay standing, Mr. Brody. I've a feeling we're nearing your smokescreen. Alicia: Mrs. Lewis, isn't it a fact that a year ago at the time of the murder, your brother worked at a dog track? Matan: Objection! Judge: Sustained. Alicia: No further questions. [In a bar - Alicia & Kalinda are talking] Alicia: You're not just making this up? Kalinda: Come on, it's a Stern, Lockhart tradition: your first jury trial...shot of tequila. Let's go! Alicia: Ok. Kalinda: Yeah, I just made that up! Sounded good, though, didn't it? Alicia: How long do you think they'll stay out? Kalinda: Oh, I stopped guessing about juries a while ago. How long were they out with your husband? Alicia: 6 hours. Kalinda: Yeah? You know what I don't get? Why you stood by him. I would have stuck a knife in his heart. Alicia: I always thought I would too. When I heard about those other scandals, the other wives...I thought...how can you allow yourself to be used like that? And then it happened, and I was...unprepared. (Phone rings) Hello? Yes, thanks. Kalinda: Jury's in? [Judge's office] Judge: Well, Mrs. Florrick, Chicago homicide has decided to reopen its investigation into the murder of Michael Lewis. Detective Briggs, doing an admirable amount of due diligence, has confirmed that Cindy Lewis' brother Danny had access to his employer's pickup truck the week of the murder. And the dog hairs admitted into evidence match those found at his workplace. So our state's attorney, in his radiant wisdom, has decided to withdraw the charges against your client and pursue a case against Mrs. Lewis' brother. Isn't that right, Mr. Brody? All I need is a yes or no. Matan: Yes. Judge: Good! Then, we're done here. [In the hall of the court] Jennifer: Thank you, thank you so much. [In Lockhart's office - Alicia's phone rings] Alicia: Hi, Jackie. No, it just went a little late, that's all. Jackie: I made a pot roast, and I was wondering if you were coming home for dinner. What? What did I say? Alicia: Nothing, it's just that's what I always used to say to Peter. Jackie: Are you there? Alicia: Yeah, yeah, I just need to pick up a few things, and I'll be home soon. Jackie: All right. Alicia: Jackie, I don't know if I've said this, but thank you for stepping up. Jackie: Of course, I would...why wouldn't I? Alicia: I'll see you soon. Jackie: All right, then, bye. [In Alicia's office - Will arrives] Will: Oh, hey, sorry, I didn't know you were here. Alicia: Hi. Will: It's just a little office token. You did great! Alicia: Thanks. I did, didn't I? Will: Oh, one more thing. Alicia: Yes, sir? Will: You've been made my second chair in the civil case. I'll see you tomorrow at 9:30, staff meeting. Alicia: I'll be there. (Alicia listens to a message on her voicemail) Peter: Hey, it's me. I'm sorry, you must be in bed, but I just wanted to tell you, the appellate court agreed to hear my case. I still can't believe it! The lawyers think we have a really good shot at overturning this and they're gonna make an official statement tomorrow. But, uh, I just wanted to tell you first. I'll see you soon. I love you

Is a drama starring Emmy Award winner Julianna Margulies as a wife and mother who boldly assumes full responsibility for her family and re-enters the workforce after her husband's very public sex and political corruption scandal lands him in jail. Pushing aside the betrayal and crushing public humiliation caused by her husband Peter, Alicia Florrick starts over by pursuing her original career as a defense attorney. As a junior associate at a prestigious Chicago law firm, she joins her longtime friend, former law school classmate and firm partner Will Gardner, who is interested to see how Alicia will perform after 13 years out of the courtroom. Alicia is grateful the firm's top litigator, Diane Lockhart, offers to mentor her but discovers the offer has conditions and realizes she has to succeed on her own merit. Alicia's main competition among the firm's 20-something new recruits is Cary, a recent Harvard grad who is affable on the surface, but competitive to the core. Fortunately, Alicia finds an ally in Kalinda, the firm's tough in-house investigator. Gaining confidence every day, Alicia transforms herself from embarrassed politician's scorned wife to resilient career woman, especially for the sake of providing a stable home for her children, 14-year-old Zach and 13-year-old Grace. For the first time in years, Alicia trades in her identity as the "good wife" and takes charge of her own destiny.

fd_Haunted_Case_Files_01x09

fd_Haunted_Case_Files_01x09_0

Narrator: America's top ghost hunters relive their most extreme assignments. (Woman screams) This house is beyond haunted. Narrator: Hardened veterans of the paranormal, these are the cases that truly tested them. There was a evil presence in that house. Woman: Oh (bleep) what the hell? Man: Dude, I got goose bumps. It's in here. Narrator: In Colorado, a ghost causes havoc at a restaurant before turning its fury at the owner. We felt genuinely physically threatened. (Screams) Narrator: In Massachusetts, an investigator is forced to confront his own worst fear. It was a horrific nightmare. (Woman screaming) Narrator: And in the great lakes, an imaginary friend turns out to be something much more sinister... Luke? ...And puts a boy in grave danger. Nothing is sacred. That's scary. Narrator: Some 30 miles northeast of Denver, Colorado, lies the small town of fort Lupton. One of the town's most popular restaurants is wholly Stromboli, the passion project of owner Melissa Rickman. Wholly Stromboli's been a dream of mine since I was about 20. Just for years, it's all I could think about. I daydreamed about it. So when I got laid off from corporate America, my husband said, "well, why don't you do it?" Narrator: The restaurant opens in 2010, and not long afterwards, mysterious and confusing things start to occur. I would walk in for the morning, set down my coffee, turn off the alarm. Come back, and my coffee was gone. And I thought, "oh, I left it in the car." Then, go out, and it's not in the car, so come back, and... There's the coffee. Wow. Okay. There's no logical explanation for that. There's -- there's none. Narrator: The activity soon intensifies. Thank you so much. (Child giggles) Oh, my god! An apparition of a little girl starts appearing in the restaurant. I hadn't had any experience prior to this with ghosts, but it's not my imagination. No, no, no, no, no. (Child giggling) Narrator: And soon, there would be no doubts. Rickman: I walked into the kitchen to talk to the sauté chef, and every pan comes just flying off the shelf. (Woman screams) And with such force. It was just foom! -- right on the floor. Oh, my god! Like, "holy cow." The chef, she was terrified. (Women screaming) It's scary. Narrator: Fearing for the safety of her staff and customers, Melissa contacts a group of paranormal investigators. Estep: Melissa called me out of her mind with worry. She wanted to get to the bottom of some of the activity that was going on there. She wanted to be able to tell her staff that they had no reason to be afraid. Narrator: Richard Estep has spent over 20 years researching claims of ghostly activity. Estep: I've learned that 90% of claims of the paranormal have no grounding, so it's very easy to say that you don't believe in ghosts and you may never encounter one. But at some point in your life, statistically, there's a chance that you will, and at that point, it's going to make you change your entire world view. Narrator: Melissa's experiences convince Richard to look into her case. Estep: I was satisfied that there was enough evidence there to merit us going on site at wholly Stromboli. Something clearly is going on. Narrator: First, Richard looks into the history of the property that houses the restaurant. Estep: The building was built in the early 1900s and owned by a local businessman named Edgar St. John. (Girl coughing) And he had a daughter named Julia who tragically is said to have died at the age of 7 of pneumonia. (Coughing continues) Narrator: Could this be the little girl that haunts the dining room and is responsible for all the activity in the restaurant? Richard assembles his team and heads to fort Lupton to find out. Estep: Most of the activity, it's in the basement, which is where the voices have been heard. And that's where I want to direct my investigation. The sounds, the echoes, and the acoustics are very, very creepy and spooky. Even I am starting to feel that there is an oppressive atmosphere down in this basement. Melissa is the focus of a lot of the activity here, so we wanted Melissa with us. Narrator: Also present is Richard's co-investigator, Robbin Daidone. I've been a paranormal investigator almost 18 years, so I've had a lot of experience. Pretty seasoned. I don't think there's much I haven't seen. There was definitely a sense when we started the investigation that there was something present, perhaps. There was a feeling of being watched. (Girl laughing) Narrator: They don't have to wait long before their feelings are vindicated. (Girl laughing) Estep: The voice of a young girl is heard. This is a voice that's laughing out of the darkness. (Girl laughing) Oh, my god. And then we started to see equipment after equipment fail. We have EMF meters, thermometers, Geiger counter failing. We had several sets of cameras fail. Batteries were reading dead. And this is classic in the paranormal field. One set of batteries fails? oh, that's a shame. Twice? huh. That's kind of odd. Three times? There is something in here that is taking this juice and is using it for its own purposes. I was a little on edge. Melissa looked a little nervous. There was definitely a feeling in the air like this may be a time for something to occur. Narrator: Gaining an energy, the activity intensifies to become physical. Something just touched me. I saw that! I saw her hood get tugged. It was like physically somebody tugged her hoodie, but, you know, there was nobody there. Something just pulled my jacket! Something just pulled me. That sent a different kind of chill through the investigative team. So now you start looking out of the corner of your eye, you start looking at every shadow with a renewed level of suspicion. (Tapping) We hear the sound of footsteps on the floor above, which would be the restaurant floor, coming down through our ceiling in the basement. (Tapping) (Tapping continues) They're childlike footsteps running across the floor. Narrator: Richard leads the team upstairs, hoping to catch a glimpse of the little-girl ghost, Julia. But when they arrive, they're shocked by what they see. Estep: This is a solid shadow figure. I've heard about them all my career. I'm seeing it. It's incredible. Genuinely taken aback. Suddenly, I see this shadow figure. I'm stunned. Rickman: Disbelief. Disbelief and "oh, my gosh. I can't believe we just saw that." Narrator: The encounter forces Richard into a troubling realization. The ghost of Julia is not the only entity haunting the restaurant. Who knows what it is, and who knows what its intentions are? Narrator: Believing the shadow has moved to the basement, the team heads back downstairs. Rickman: Immediately, people were a little bit apprehensive. There's definitely a creep factor. Estep: We start asking questions, very respectfully, "we invite any spirit that might be present to make its presence known, to talk with us." If there's someone here, please present yourself. Who are you?! Are you attached to Melissa?! Narrator: The entity doesn't want to talk. It has other, more sinister plans. I started to feel pressure in my chest, just like heavy, weighted down. Oh, god. Oh, my god. (Groans) Narrator: In a haunted restaurant in Colorado... Something just pulled my jacket! ...Paranormal investigator Richard Estep and his team have encountered an entity in the basement. Oh, god. Now owner Melissa Rickman is overwhelmed by a sinister force. I started to feel pressure in my chest, just like heavy, weighted down. Oh, god. Um, and I can't really explain why, but suddenly, I began to cry, sobbing, just sobbing uncontrollably, just the most sad feeling I've ever had. (Crying) Daidone: I was mostly concerned for her emotional well-being. I could see that she was emotionally frayed. She was just one big bundle of nerves. (Sobbing) And then that emotion transformed into anger. And suddenly, Melissa is getting very, very aggressive. (Growling) Melissa becomes someone else. (Breathing heavily) Melissa! During that time, I felt truly angry. I was -- I was pissed, and I couldn't -- I couldn't tell you why. And every time she said something, I retorted, although I didn't feel like it was me. Estep: So, as a paramedic for 14 years in emergency medical services, I've seen a number of psychotic episodes. This wasn't that. This was something that presented very, very differently and had a very different vibe to it. You shut up, you (bleep) (bleep) (Growls) I was feeling threatened. It wasn't like I was choosing to say things. It just felt like they were just coming out of my mouth. And I felt horrible. I said some things to her that I would never say. I was terrified. I was really scared. Narrator: Richard is beginning to fear that Melissa is becoming possessed. We know that it's not Melissa herself that's doing this. We know that there is something that is goading her on, that is provoking her to this type of behavior. It felt like all of the emotion in my body just welled up and exploded. And then I heard Robbin say, "her fists are clenched." She's saying, "I want to hurt you, and I want to hurt you bad." And, of course, I'm becoming concerned. I'm watching her for any sudden movement. She's only a foot or two away from me. I am gonna kill you! And Melissa was getting ready to attack. (Melissa screaming) It's completely unpredictable. It's completely out of character, and that adds an element of danger to our investigation, and we had to very quickly break that up. (Screaming) This is the first case my team has worked on where we felt genuinely physically threatened by somebody present on the scene. Very concerning, absolutely. Absolutely. So, we actually decide that we're going to wrap up the investigation earlier than we ordinarily would and help coax her back to normal. Narrator: As soon as she leaves the basement, Melissa is released from the entity's grasp. I don't remember saying half the things I said. I don't. I would've told you that that wasn't me. When words are just flying out of your mouth and you don't know why, it's pretty unnerving. My assessment of wholly Stromboli is that they have multiple entities there. We have one that appears to be a little girl. We have this older male shadow figure. It's difficult to tell what the purpose is of whatever is haunting the restaurant. Is it simply seeking attention, or is there something darker and more sinister? Narrator: To protect her from further attacks, they perform a blessing on Melissa. Out! out, demon! Begone! Whatever possessed her seems to have been removed. But the spirit of the little girl remains. Our line cooks still hear a little girl either giggling and playing or crying in the basement. (Girl giggling) I don't mind sharing the space with the tenants of the past. The building wouldn't be there if it weren't for them, so if they want to hang out, I'm all right with that. Narrator: But Richard worries that the negative entity may yet return. Right now I'm content to just monitor and watch and wait for Melissa to call me if things should take a turn for the worse again. I'm not entirely sure yet, but I do know that the last chapter in the story of the wholly Stromboli haunting has not yet been written. Narrator: Coming up, when a child's imaginary friend turns out to be something much more sinister... (Boy screaming) ...An investigator has to call in backup to save the boy. It was definitely demon-induced. (Speaking in tongues) Narrator: But first, when a young family is tormented by paranormal activity, one investigator is forced to confront his worst fears. Something was gonna grab me. (Woman screaming) Narrator: The historic town of Medway, Massachusetts, is home to Greg and Lyla Pierson. Their lives should be full of joy and happiness after celebrating the birth of their first child. But recently, troubling things have started to happen. (Baby crying) They hear a child's voice coming through the baby monitor when their child is with them. When the Piersons go to investigate... The baby's room is completely empty. (Baby crying) After establishing that they're not just picking up interference from a neighbor's baby monitor, they start to worry their child could be in danger and contact a paranormal investigator. Joe Cetrone is the founder of dark hauntings research and has been investigating the supernatural for over 15 years. He knows firsthand what it's like to be haunted by a child's spirit. Cetrone: I recall when I was younger, was laying in my bed, a child ghost came up to my bed and just kind of walked toward me, and it just stared at me. Its face was pale. Eyes were black. (Child screams) After that, I was never the same, and ever since then, I've had a phobia of child spirits. (Child screaming) So when I received the e-mail from the Pierson family, it immediately sends a shiver through me. Narrator: If Joe agrees to help the Piersons, he will have to face his greatest fear. Cetrone: I don't want to know that if I refuse the case, maybe that child is gonna go on being terrorized by something. I know how that feels. (Child screams) It, uh -- it was gonna be an experience for me, but I was willing to take that chance. Narrator: Joe heads to Medway to begin the investigation. Cetrone: When I first arrived, everything appeared to be normal from the outside. Now the question was, what was happening inside? (Baby crying) (Knock on door) I first walked in the house. Everything was fine. Nothing unusual. I didn't feel anything. But at that point, I figured it was best to just proceed with an assessment and a walk-through. Ended up in the child's room. It was a regular, normal room -- Stuffed animals, toys, crib, everything in place. I wasn't sensing anything at all. Narrator: Joe begins to think there's a more rational cause for the strange activity. Cetrone: There's many explanations as to a voice coming over a baby monitor, picking up different frequencies everywhere. Checked it, see if there was any short in the wire or something to just give me an indication that maybe there's a plausible reason why a voice is coming through that monitor, but I couldn't find anything. Narrator: Relieved he hasn't an encountered a child spirit, Joe tells the family he can find no trace of anything paranormal in the house. But that's when things changed. (Tapping) Narrator: In Massachusetts, a young family is being tormented by a child spirit. Investigator Joe Cetrone has agreed to help, despite his own fears. I've had a phobia of child spirits. Narrator: Now the activity has escalated. (Tapping) Cetrone: Out of nowhere, I hear this sound of something walking upstairs. (Tapping) And it sounded like little feet walking across. Really quick. We all looked up. I was like, "did you hear that?" I was totally, like, "what is going on here?" (Tapping continues) Then I hear a sound coming out of the baby monitor. (Child talking) We heard a child speaking through the baby monitor. But the only thing, it was -- it wasn't their child. I see the light... And I just see it turn off. Something turned that baby monitor off. I knew there was something happening. It definitely was creepy. It struck me and -- and brought me that fear. Took me back to when I was younger. [SCENE_BREAK] Boy: No! not again! It just made my skin crawl. I'm battling two things -- The fact that this family is dealing with something coming over that monitor. Simultaneously, I'm also dealing with my fears, just the fact that it might a child spirit. Boy: No! not again! Narrator: Forced to confront his own demons, Joe is rocked to the very core. But he refuses to abandon the Piersons and calls for immediate backup. Cetrone: At that point, I had my investigator come to the case with me. He said could I come down. Right away I could sense fear in his voice. There's something that he doesn't want to deal with alone. Narrator: Steve sets up his camera in the baby's room. As I was filming the room, I sensed that darkness, that -- that feeling of something's going on, and I could feel something electric in the room. Narrator: While Steve is upstairs, Joe heads into the basement. Cetrone: I set the camera up, turned it on. And that's when I felt a sense that there was something there. (Tapping) I hear the footsteps going across. I started feeling that something was gonna grab me. I don't know if it was just because of my phobias. I just kept seeing a child's face. Just that frightening image. I was scared. I felt it was playing tricks with me, a game of hide-and-seek. And at that point, I knew that it was following me. That fear escalated. That was, like, the first time that I got spooked by something I couldn't see or verify. (Child screams) (Breathing heavily) I knew it was getting to me. I was afraid of it. Narrator: Rattled, Joe radios Steve for help. I heard Joe yell my name, "Steve, come here!" And I felt that urgency. I could hear it in his voice. All right. Be there in a second. Narrator: Almost immediately, the spirit focuses its attention on Steve. Right when I turned to go walk towards the stairs, I had the chills. Narrator: On a case in Massachusetts, investigator Joe Cetrone is being tormented by his own deepest fear, a child spirit. I felt it was playing tricks with me. Narrator: Now the entity is turning its focus on fellow investigator Steve pate. Pate: As I started heading towards Joe, there was a stuffed animal, a giraffe. But I didn't think anything of it. Right when I turned to go walk towards the stairs... It came flying right at me. It flew off the shelf, hit my head. I had the chills. I could feel it. [SCENE_BREAK] I've watched a million horror movies, but that, to happen to you in real life, it's freaky. That was it. It freaked me right out. Narrator: Worried about provoking the spirit further, Joe and Steve leave the house to figure out what they're dealing with and how to get rid of it. Cetrone: I reviewed all the evidence that we possibly could. There were no orbs, there were no EVPS, there was nothing strange. Other than what had happened to us while we were there and in real-time, there was no evidence that I can gather. Narrator: When Joe returns the next day, Lyla Pierson has some chilling news. (Baby crying) She's spoken with a neighbor who told her that a young boy who lived in the house years ago tragically drowned. Cetrone: Based upon my research, if a child died prematurely or a tragic accident happened, sometimes that energy, that residual, leftover energy, that child may not be ready to move on. (Baby crying) A lot of time, they'll cling to their home, they'll cling to something that resembled its family, whether it was a mom or another child. And I started to realize, that spirit of that boy was there to watch over that child, to be part of a family. I think the child spirit wanted to stay in the house. It's like with the stuffed animal. The child didn't want me to lea-- Was letting me know he wanted to be part of that family. Narrator: Joe offers to cleanse the house, but Lyla refuses. Cetrone: She had sympathy. Her whole thoughts of it being threatening or anything dangerous to herself or her child just went away, and she says, "you know, I'm okay. I feel validated by everything." Narrator: She sees the spirit not as a threat but as a guardian angel watching over her child. She was welcoming it in, and she was okay with it. Narrator: The experience also has a profound effect on Joe. I think, for me, it did bring a little healing. I was always fearful of child spirits, but not every situation that comes up is always evil in nature or negative. And when a child-spirit case comes up again, at least I know I can go into it in a different way and not have those fears that I had. Yeah, it did that for me. Narrator: Imaginary friends are usually an innocent part of growing up. But sometimes they turn out to be something else, something evil that can threaten to take over the child completely. The quiet suburban neighborhood of Burlington, Ontario. It should be an idyllic place to grow up. But in one house, Karen Baines has become worried about her son. Luke: No! Luke? I didn't do that. (Speaking indistinctly) Luke, who are you talking to? It begins when Luke becomes obsessed with a mysterious imaginary friend that he refuses to talk about. In the basement, the family starts hearing strange footsteps and whispering voices. (Door creaking) Then Luke is beset by terrifying nightmares. Luke: Mom! What's wrong? My door's doing it. He says there's something evil out to get him. Luke? Luke? Desperate and terrified for the safety of her child, Karen reaches out to a paranormal investigator. She was panicked, she was anxious, and she wanted us in as soon as we could get there. Narrator: Michelle Desrochers has been actively investigating ghosts since 2004. A founding member of Canada's most haunted, Michelle is a veteran of over 50 cases. What I've learned about the paranormal is that things are never what they seem to be. You never really know what you're getting yourself into. Narrator: Michelle needs no persuasion to take on this investigation. Desrochers: This case was very personal to me. This was home base. This happened in my city of Burlington, literally one major street away from me. Narrator: As soon as Michelle enters the house, she senses evil. Desrochers: I felt something's not right. I felt anxious. Everything in my fiber was telling me that there was something a lot more malevolent in that house than just an everyday imaginary friend. Narrator: When a young boy gets a mysterious imaginary friend, strange and terrifying things start to happen. As soon as she gets to the house, investigator Michelle Desrochers is struck by a terrible feeling. There was something a lot more malevolent in that house than just an everyday imaginary friend or spirit. Narrator: As they tour the house, Karen tells Michelle something that makes her blood run cold. Desrochers: She said, "I hear popping sounds." Then it sounded like something was being -- Like someone took a piece of paper and went krkk! -- Ripped it behind me. (Ripping) There's a belief that demons tend to tear through the atmosphere... As they come into our dimension. Narrator: Michelle suspects these strange events are connected to Luke's imaginary friend. Desrochers: Children are the weakest link, so if something comes in, they're usually the ones that get targeted. So I says, "I understand you have a friend." And he said, "yes. He can change into a dinosaur." I'm like, "oh." It's definitely not common to hear about imaginary friends shape-shifting. That is a red flag for me. Narrator: Michelle asks how the friend came to be here. He goes, "well, I said he could come and play." There's the one answer I was waiting for -- The invitation. A demonic infestation will 90% of the time start with some kind of an invitation, and this boy made the invitation. Narrator: To have any chance of removing the entity, Michelle must revoke the invitation. She tells Luke his mother doesn't want his friend to visit anymore. He turned around and said, "you go home! You cannot stay here." I couldn't have asked for it to go better. Awesome, buddy. The invite has been revoked. Narrator: But just because the demon's been told it's not welcome doesn't mean it's going to go quietly. Desrochers: I was hugely concerned for the safety of this little boy and of this family. Narrator: Michelle heads to the basement. She sets up recording equipment to see if she can capture the sounds the family heard. In the meantime, Michelle calls in extra help. Desrochers: I brought one of my researchers along with me and one of our mediums. Narrator: Michelle leads them to Luke's bedroom. And activity started almost immediately. The psychic started picking up on different things going on, and he clearly said, "something comes out of that closet." The door, it just started -- it would just shake. Narrator: Then a drawer suddenly shoots out and strikes the researcher. Well, something is definitely trying to tell me something. Aah! Well, this is unusual. Let's get out of here. Narrator: While the team explores the rest of the house, Michelle heads back to the basement. All of a sudden, I've got a cold spot behind me. It started to intensify. It got colder. And I'm starting to feel very uncomfortable, 'cause I realize I'm not alone. I'm not alone. I hear a very low growl. At that point, I realized somebody's trying to frighten me off, and that's not gonna work. Undeterred, Michelle checks on the tape recorder. What she hears stop her cold. What I found was completely unexpected. Narrator: Investigator Michelle Desrochers and her team are doing battle with a demon that's trying to take over a young boy. Desrochers: I was hugely concerned for the safety of this little boy. Narrator: When Michelle checks her tape recorder in the basement, she's stunned by what she's captured. (Tape recorder rewinds) Phantom sounds. Narrator: Phantom sounds have no identifiable cause. I'm hearing something pick up my recorder. You could hear it fumbling with it. How would it know to go after that? It shows a degree of intelligence. I'm hearing something going up wooden stairs, walking around on old hardwood floors. There's no hardwood floors anywhere in the basement. You could hear chains being dragged across the wooden floor. Heard grunting with it, like -- (Growling) Some of the most amazing recordings that I've captured to date. Narrator: The evidence confirms Michelle's suspicion that a demon is present. Knowing the family could be in grave danger, she moves quickly to remove it. I ask our medium to do a cleansing. He had a seashell and a feather, he took dried sage leaves, and he proceeded. (Speaking in foreign language) And he basically said, "I'm asking you to leave." (Speaking in foreign language) Narrator: The cleanse appears to work, and the house goes quiet. But the peace doesn't last long. Three days later, Karen and her family endure their most terrifying experience yet. She called me, she said, "something is wrong with my son. He's not moving." I said, "call an ambulance." Luke! "I will babysit your kids so you can get your kid to the hospital." Narrator: Michelle gets to the house before paramedics can arrive. I race up to the bedroom. (Crying) He's not moving. Desrochers: I felt an energy. I absolutely felt a strong energy. Let go of this boy and leave this house. It was definitely demon-induced. I'm fighting with this thing, telling it, "you better let go." Get out of this house! "I'm done with this. You're not doing this anymore." Narrator: After an epic battle, the demon vanishes. Desrochers: He opened his eyes, he looked at me, and he said, "hi, Michelle. What are you doing here?" What are you doing here, Michelle? He sat up, gave me the biggest hug. He goes, "I need to go back to sleep now." I went, "all right." I knew, with every fiber of my being, it was definitely demon-induced. Period. Narrator: Worried the entity will return yet again, Michelle brings in a renowned demonologist to perform an exorcism on the house. We will not fear the terror, nor pestilence that stalks... She did what she called speaking in tongues, which, from what I understand, is a form of prayer, their version of an exorcism. (Speaking in tongues) She said, "I'm picking up activity over here." (Speaking in tongues) She went through the entire house banishing that demon. (Speaking in tongues) Narrator: It takes hours to complete the cleanse. But eventually, it's over. Desrochers: She got it. I mean, banished it. This thing was gone, and that house was quiet. And the next time I saw that little boy, he was just a happy-go-lucky kid. Just happy. (Sighs) Narrator: The boy soon puts the demonic encounter behind him, but it has a lasting effect on Michelle. These things are predators. It made me realize that nothing is sacred. You're not safe. You're not safe. That's scary.

Ursula investigates one of Chicago's most haunted places; hunters come face-to-face with a terrifying entity in a Utah hospital. Joe battles a powerful animal spirit summoned by dark satanic rituals.

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_07x08

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_07x08_0

Scene: The apartment Penny: Hey, can I ask you a question? Leonard: Sure. Penny: You've had this dart board since I've known you, but I've never seen you play. Leonard: Oh, uh, we played, once. I broke a window. Penny: What window? Leonard: That one over there. Sheldon: Leonard, where are the Skee-Ball tickets? Leonard: Skee-Ball tickets? Sheldon: Yeah, from when we went to the arcade three years ago? I finally decided what prize I want. Hurry up. Leonard: Uh, if I still have them, they're probably in the junk box. Penny: Ooh, what are you gonna get? Sheldon: None of your business. But when you see me wearing a flower in my lapel later, you are most welcome to sniff it. Leonard: Yup, oh, here you go. Sheldon: Oh, thank you. Here, get yourself an eraser for your troubles. Leonard: Oh. I forgot about this. My aunt made it for me when I started college. Penny: Aw, did she hate you? Leonard: Why? Because I got an ugly, itchy sweater, and my brother got a car? No, I was her favorite. Sheldon: I seem to be a few tickets short. Are there more in the box? Leonard: Hmm, I think I got them all. Nope, they're not in there. Sheldon: Well, you barely looked. Let me see. Leonard: No, no, no, I, I looked, and there's, there's, there's no more tickets. Sheldon: Leonard, let me look in the box. Leonard: Okay, okay. I'm gonna show you what's in the box. But just promise not to flip out. Sheldon: Why would I flip out? Is it a spider? It's a spider. Penny: No, if it was a spider, Lenny would've flipped out. Leonard: Okay, Sheldon, I know I was supposed to return this DVD a long time ago, and I know we rented it on your card. But it's been, like, seven years and clearly nothing bad has happened. So in-in-in-instead of being a giant pain in the ass like you always are, what if this one time you just tried staying calm? Sheldon: That seems like a reasonable request. Although so did, hey, Leonard, would you mind returning that DVD? Leonard: I'm sorry. I'll, I'll take care of it. Sheldon: Okay. Leonard: I mean it, I'm going to. Sheldon: I believe you. Leonard: And you're going to stay calm? Sheldon: I said I would. Leonard: How about that? Sheldon's being reasonable. Penny: Yeah, it's freaking me out. I'm gonna go. Credits sequence. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: So, when you say you're not going to freak out about the DVD, here's what that means. Don't fixate on it. Don't wake me up in the middle of the night. Or nag me through the door while I'm on the toilet. Sheldon: Okay, first, talking to you while you're on the toilet isn't exactly a picnic for me either, okay? Remember, when you can hear me, I can hear you. And second, you completely disregard how uncomfortable unresolved issues are for me. It's, it's like, a, an itch in my brain I can't scratch. Leonard: When I broke my arm I used to stick a coat hanger down there. You ever try that? Maybe go in through the ear? Sheldon: You wouldn't make jokes if you could feel the way I feel. Leonard: Well, I don't know how to do that. Sheldon: How about this? I promise I won't pester you about the DVD. You can defecate in peace. That's a win for both of us. But, until this matter is resolved, I would like you to wear this sweater. With nothing underneath it. Leonard: That's stupid. Why? Sheldon: You say it's itchy and uncomfortable. I say situations like this make me feel the same way. Leonard: I'm telling you, try the hanger. Sheldon: Put it on. Let's share the experience. Leonard: You got it. If this sweater shuts you up, I'm gonna make a fortune selling them to everyone we know. Now all I need to do is head down to the video store and return the DVD. Sheldon: Oh, did I forget to tell you? That store went out of business years ago. Leonard: Really? Sheldon: How those nipples feeling, chief? Scene: The cheesecake factory bar. Bernadette: Penny, can we please get our drinks? Penny: Yeah, hang on, just give me sec. Amy: At work today, I did an in vivo stereotaxic surgery. Bernadette: Cool. At my lab, I performed ten laser capture micro-dissections. Penny: I scraped gum off the bottom of that table. Only 'cause my manager saw me put it there. Amy: Oh, my gosh. That's the girl that broke Rajesh's heart. Bernadette: That's Lucy? Penny: I don't know why but I always pictured her as Indian. Bernadette: I think that reason's called racism. Penny: I'm gonna go talk to her. Bernadette: Why? What are you gonna say? Penny: I'm not gonna say anything. I just want to check her out. Because she hurt my friend. My Indian friend. Who's racist now? Bernadette: You because you just called him your Indian friend. Penny: Yeah, well, you're short. Amy: We're never getting our drinks. Bernadette: No, but we knew that. Penny: Hey, can I start you off with something to drink? Lucy: Oh, water would be great. Penny: Okay. Um, you're Lucy, right? I'm a friend of Raj Koothrappali's. Actually Amy recognized you. Lucy: Wow. How's he doing? Penny: Oh, you know, he's good. Lucy: Great. Penny: Yeah, this is none of my business. But why did you break up with him in an e-mail? Lucy: Oh, I don't know. I guess I thought it would be easier. Penny: Yeah, I get that. I'll go get you your water. When you say easier, you mean easier for you, right? 'Cause it certainly didn't make it easier for him. Lucy: Any chance I can get a different waitress? Penny: I'm sorry, this is rude of me. I will go get that water. See, see, see, see. Just now you expressed your feelings to my face. How come you could do that with me, but not Raj? Lucy: I don't know your e-mail. Penny: You know what the worst part is? You're sitting here, perfectly happy and he's at home, a blubbering mess. Lucy: Oh, I thought you said he was okay. Penny: Well, I also said I was getting you water, but look at me still standing here. You know, I may be a bad waitress, but you are a bad person. Now, you want to hear the specials? Scene: The apartment. Howard: So, you can never take it off? Leonard: No. Raj: Not even to sleep? Leonard: No. Howard: So, you're just an idiot? Leonard: It's called proving a point. Howard: Is the point that you're an idiot? Sheldon: Gentlemen, please. Leonard is trying to walk a mile in my metaphorical shoes. He can't walk in my actual shoes. He has the feet of a toddler. Raj: So, how are you gonna return the DVD if the store went out of business? Leonard: Monday morning I'll go downtown, look up the owner's information and send him the DVD. Pay the late fee, and prove to Sheldon that you can have a problem and solve it without acting like a complete lunatic. Ah! Howard: And the man impersonating a bear would like everyone to know that only you can prevent forest fires. Raj: I don't get it. Howard: You didn't have Smokey the Bear in India? Raj: No. Oh, is he anything like, uh, Mun-Mun the Mongoose? He taught us not to play with cobras. Howard: You had to be taught not to play with cobras? Raj: You had to be taught not to burn down the forest? Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: Hey, if you guys were hungry, why didn't you order something at the restaurant? Bernadette: We did, you never brought it. Penny: Oh, that's right. Nachos and a turkey club. Amy: Not even close. Penny: Well, I was too busy standing up for my friend to worry about your, I want to say salmon. Amy: You want to say sorry. Bernadette: So, how are you gonna tell Raj abut what you did? Penny: What do you mean how? What's the big deal? Amy: You told Lucy he was a pathetic mess. Bernadette: Then you made her cry and leave. Penny: Okay, you guys are overreacting. Raj is gonna appreciate how I had his back. Scene: The same, later. Raj: What is wrong with you, Penny? You ruined any chance I had of getting back with Lucy. Now she knows I'm a desperate mess instead of just being pretty sure. (Phone text sound) It's Lucy. She wants to meet for coffee. I love you, Penny. Scene: Sheldon's office. Howard: Hey, what're you working on? Sheldon: I'm thinking about how one could use the fact that a rapidly rotating mirror turns virtual photons into real ones as a method of observing dark energy. Howard: That's a pretty cool idea. Sheldon: Yeah. It's great you're here. I'd love to get an engineer's opinion. Howard: Sure. Sheldon: This chair is squeaky. Now, do I fix it or get a new one? Leonard: Well, Sheldon, it took me all morning, but I found the owner of the video store. And I am happy to report that he died peacefully in his sleep, drunk at the bottom of a pool. Anyway, there is no one to return the DVD to, so this issue is resolved. Ah! And I'd just like to point out that even though the sweater was uncomfortable, I didn't use it as an excuse to antagonize everyone around me. Howard: You know, you could reimburse the video store owner's next of kin. Leonard: Or it's resolved. Sheldon: Hey, that next of kin thing sounds pretty good. Howard: I believe this is yours. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Howard and Bernadette's apartment. Raj: Can I ask you guys a question? So, I'm seeing Lucy tomorrow night, and I've never hung out with someone who broke up with me. How do you do it? Howard: You can't let her know you're hurting. You know, the key is confidence. Raj: Why is the key always confidence? How come it's never love handles and flop sweat? Bernadette: If this girl hurt you so much, are you sure you want to see her again? Howard: Well, if I may, he has so little self-respect and is so desperate for the smallest crumb of affection, she could literally sleep with his own father in his own bed and post the video to YouTube, and he'd still buy her flowers and ask her to be his bride. Raj: He's right. But in my defence, if we could survive that, we could survive anything. Bernadette: Well, if you're sure you want to do this, it's only coffee, just relax and see what happens. Raj: Well, can I say she looks nice? Bernadette: Sure. Raj: Can I tell her I miss her? Bernadette: Maybe, if she asks. Raj: Oh, can I show her an oil painting I made of us surrounded by our children and grandchildren? Bernadette: I'd save that for the second date. Raj: Good, good. 'Cause no matter how hard I try, I cannot get the twins to look alike. Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: What are you doing? Leonard: Oh, I'm just trying to find the stupid next of kin to this stupid video store owner so I can return the DVD and see the look on Sheldon's stupid face when he sees that I didn't let this get to me. Penny: Sheldon's not here. Why don't you take the sweater off? Leonard: There's a principle at stake. Penny: Which is? Leonard: Oh, I don't know. Who cares? Look at me. Penny: Oh, my God! Is that sweater made of bees? Come on, take it off. I won't tell. Leonard: No, no, honey, if I take it off, Sheldon wins. Penny: Sweetie, every night you don't kill him in his sleep, he wins. Leonard: No, it's, it's almost done. I just, I have to find the next of kin, and send 'em the DVD and then just wait for someone with my complexion to die so I can get a skin graft. Penny: Smile. Leonard: What is that? What is that for? Penny: So you can send it to Princeton and get your money back. Scene: The apartment. Amy: I must say, Sheldon, you're handling this DVD business with an impressive amount of maturity. Sheldon: I don't know why that surprises you. I'm a grown man. As should be evident by this sport coat and very real flower in my lapel. Amy: Is there some kind of new coping mechanism you're employing? Sheldon: The more interesting question you should be asking is, what does this flower smell like? Amy: I'm gonna go with sad. So what's the story with you and this DVD? Sheldon: There's nothing to tell. Maybe I purchased a book entitled Don't Sweat the Small Stuff and I followed its wise suggestions, one of which was stop and smell the flowers. Amy: Seriously? Sheldon: Please. Ha-ha, Oh. Scene: A coffee shop. Lucy: Hi. Raj: Hello. Oh, it's so good to see you. Lucy: You, too. Raj: Please, sit. I, uh, I got you a cappuccino. I remembered it was your favourite. I also got crumb cake, but I remembered it was my favourite and I ate it. Anyway, uh, how are you? Lucy: I'm pretty good. Listen, I just wanted to apologize for breaking up with you in an e-mail. Raj: Well, and I ate all the crumb cake. We both made mistakes. Lucy: Okay. Raj: I'm so happy you asked me here, and I hope we can hang out again sometime. You know, as friends, lovemaking partners, whatever. Lucy: Oh, uh, I'm kind of seeing someone. Raj: I think I know the answer to this, but just to be clear, it's not me, right? Scene: Penny's apartment. Raj: This is all your fault, I should've listened to Mun-Mun because I've been playing with a cobra and her name is Penny. Why are you so cruel? Do you enjoy my pain? Penny: There's a girl at the Cheesecake Factory I can set you up with. Raj: I love you, Penny. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: How is it I can conceptualize a methodology of examining dark matter in the universe but can't figure out how to fix a novelty squirt flower? Amy: I think the real question is, why do you waste your time with cheap, childish pranks? Sheldon: There's probably a deep reason. Which I'd be happy to discuss with you over some peanut brittle in a can. Leonard: Okay, Sheldon, I am out of options. Video store owner, Nursis Manookian, has no next of kin. Sheldon: Well, you seem hot under the collar, or is that the sweater? Leonard: Oh, oh, no, no. It's because I spent all afternoon at the Armenian church where his funeral mass was held. According to Father Solakian, no one attended. Luckily, my trip wasn't a complete waste. I lit a candle and prayed for your death but I'm not Armenian, so it probably won't work. This is over, right? Sheldon: Oh, not necessarily. I suggest you look for long-lost relatives either in Armenia or Lebanon. Leonard: Listen to me, Sheldon. I am not going to Lebanon to return Super Mario Brothers the movie. Sheldon: You know, it might be fun. You love hummus. Leonard: Why isn't this bothering you? Isn't your brain getting itchy? This is on your card. This could be ruining your credit score. Why isn't this making you crazy? Sheldon: Leonard, I have something to tell you, but I want you to promise not to flip out. Leonard: What? Sheldon: Seven years ago, I found out the DVD was late and I paid for it. Leonard: What? Sheldon: I was going to mention it at the time, but then I thought, some day, this might be a teachable moment. Leonard: Aaaah! I, you, how can, what! Amy: Sheldon, that was diabolical. Sheldon: I know. And it wasn't easy. Do you have any idea what it's like to wait for years and never know if you're going to finally get satisfaction? Scene: A coffee shop. Raj: Wow. You're even prettier than Penny said. I can't believe a girl like you doesn't have a boyfriend. Girl: Well, I don't. Raj: I don't believe you, you're lying to me. Girl: What? Raj: Oh, it's okay. I have no morals and I'm desperately lonely. I'll be the other man if you want a little something-something on the side. Scene: The cheesecake factory. Girl (to Penny): What is wrong with you? Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny (to Raj): What is wrong with you? Scene: Raj's apartment. Raj (to a mirror): What is wrong with you?

While rummaging through their closet, Leonard finds a DVD he rented using Sheldon's card, that should have been returned seven years before. Leonard desperately asks Sheldon not to flip out, and he shockingly remains calm and agrees. He makes Leonard wear an itchy sweater until the DVD issue is resolved, so that Leonard can, metaphorically, walk in Sheldon's shoes. Leonard searches for the DVD store (long out of business), then for the owner (deceased), then the owner's (nonexistent) next-of-kin, all the while getting a bad rash from the sweater. Sheldon eventually tells Leonard he had discovered the DVD and paid the fine years before, and that he just wanted him to learn the lesson, much to Amy's surprised and shocked look on her face. Penny meets Lucy, Raj's ex-girlfriend, at the Cheesecake Factory and is mad at her for breaking up with him by email. Lucy calls Raj to have coffee to apologize. Raj hopes they can get back together, but Lucy reveals she is now dating someone else. Penny then sets up Raj on a date with her friend Lizzy, but Raj freaks out in front of her.

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[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Mike: [grunting] Wynn: Aah! [gunshot] Mike: Aah! Wynn: Mikey! [crack] Katherine: [gasps] Raylan: Your ladyfriend is dead. Went pretty badly, as I understand it, in the confines of a motor coach belonging to Wynn Duffy. Boyd: Baby? [grunts] What disappoints you, Raylan Givens? The fact that you weren't the one who got to shoot me? Where is she goin'? Boyd: Well, you wheel me outta here, I'll take you straight to her. [chuckles] That's funny. Boyd: Sooner or later, one way or the other, I'm gonna get out of here, and when I do, I'm gonna go get that money. Zachariah: Now, this Grubes guy we're going to see ... you sure he knows his way around? Ava: He knows the trails blindfolded. Boyd knows Grubes. Zachariah: Ah. Ava: If he's alive ... Zachariah: If he's alive, the marshals got him, and if he ain't, the more, the better. Grubes? [yelling] Ava: Nooo! Carl: How we gonna get you out past the nurses' stand without anybody noticing? Boyd: [sighs] It shouldn't be too hard with all the chaos. Carl: What chaos? [gunshot] Art: You got 48 hours, Raylan. Raylan: 48 hours, bullshit. Who you got coming after me? Everybody? Art: Everybody's out looking for Boyd. I'll be the one coming after you. [car door chiming] [chiming stops] Boyd: Evening, sir. Where you headed tonight? Hagan: Headed home. Boyd: You got any kin waiting on you? Hagan: No, sir, I don't. Boyd: That won't be necessary. Hagan: Well... What can I do for you, officer? [gun cocks] Boyd: You can give me a ride. [music] [chiming] [chiming stops] Art: This the shitbag? Tim: It is. Art: Hello, shitbag. Tim: Him there's the good news. Art: I don't want to hear the bad news. Tim: No, sir, you do not. Art: Jesus Christ, Raylan. Raylan: [sighs] Cope: Don't suppose you remember my name. Raylan: I remember you had aim to throw me down a mine shaft. You're a long way from home, are you not? Cope: I am. Slurry pond fouled the spring. No water on the other side of the mountain. No water ... nothing to hunt. Well, I reckon it was hard to move on. Cope: Was. They'll take the mountaintop year's end, I heard. I'd have had to move on regardless. Wouldn't mind if you sat a spell. Raylan: I got urgent matters. My advice ... keep moving on. There's a fugitive at large hereabouts. Give my best to Cousin Mary if you see her. Cope: Unh-unh. She passed. Raylan: Condolences. Stand up. Tell 'em to come out, guns pointed at the ground. Cope: [whistles] Raylan: [sighs] If that ain't all of 'em, you're the first one who gets shot. Cope: That's all of 'em. Raylan: Lay your guns down. Every second I spend on your bullshit, the man I'm hunting gets further away. Now, tell 'em to do it before I lose my temper. Now, walk down that hill, and keep walking ... about an hour. He'll catch up with you soon if he don't do something stupid. Ava: No sign. [panting] [clinking] I bet they ran off after Grubes died. And I bet they starved to death. Zachariah: We got no guide, and you're worried about the horses? Ava: That's one bad omen on top of another. Zachariah: I ain't superstitious. Ava: Well, it doesn't take a damn ouija board to see that our plan is as dead as the man that used to live in that house. You'd notice if you weren't playing in the dirt! Zachariah: I'm digging a grave. Ava: For us? Huh? Uncle Zachariah, we gotta get out of here. Oh, is that the way it is? Leave the dead to bury their own? That's something you learned from Boyd, huh? Ava: You don't know me. You ... You want to be all high and mighty? Let's see how that saves your ass. Zachariah: I know you don't want to hear me preach, but I'm gonna tell you right now, there's six months' worth of food in that cabin, plenty of water, and a lot of firewood for the cold. Wait a minute. If that's your idea of a plan... Oh no, little girl. I like your idea... we just roam around these goddamn mountains not knowing what the hell we're doing, lost, hauling 300, 400, 500 pounds of money? Oh, you're real smart, girl. Ava: I can't keep this up. Zachariah: Yes, you can, and you will. 'Cause that's who we are, born in these godforsaken hollers in this goddamn broken-down world. We're survivors. Ava: Okay, you want to stay? We can stay. But we're gonna fight. Zachariah: Won't have to fight. After two weeks, they'll think we're somewhere over in Virginia. They'll just move that search on over there. Ava: I'm talking about Boyd. He knows this place. He will come. Zachariah: Boyd is dead. And if he ain't dead, he's in jail. We'll be safe here for a while. Grab that shovel and help me get this man in the ground. Cope: I don't see any badge. Are you still a federal? This guy you're chasing... he personal business? Raylan: You met him. You put me in a box with him. He's now a federal fugitive. Cope: So you should've let me kill him at the time, then, huh? Raylan: Thought has crossed my mind. Cope: So I'm right. Gotta be you, the one that does him. Had a coyote like that. Ate near 10 of my chickens... one every night. Dogs couldn't catch her, avoided the traps like she'd set 'em herself. You know, what I decided to do was ... Raylan: I don't care what you did. I need you to shut your mouth and get up that hill. Cope: You know, after we tangled, Cousin Mary told us all about you. Turns out, I remember your daddy. He's a son of a bitch. Raylan: You'll get no argument there. Cope: You know what he did? Raylan: Historically or on a specific day? Cope: He used us. Used our blood ties to your Mama to have us move his drugs up and down our mountain ... the way you're moving me right now. The way I see it, that makes you a son of a bitch, too. Raylan: Guilty as char... Cope: [grunts] Raylan: I let you go, you gonna get your people, come back after me? Cope: Got any good reason why I shouldn't? Raylan: With what purpose in mind? Cope: You saw 'em. They got nothing. They'll kill you for your boots. Raylan: Give me that. In a couple days, you're gonna come to Arlo Givens' place, he's in the book. I'm signing it over to you. Cope: Y-You're giving me your house? Raylan: He did you people dirt. This is payback. Been using that place as a bullshit excuse. I don't need the money from selling it. I need to find Boyd and get to Florida. Cope: [grunts] What's this? Raylan: A note... bequeathing the property to you... ...case I don't make it down. [music] [title music] ♪ On this lonely road, trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul, god, get at your boy ♪ ♪ you try to bogard, fall back, I go hard ♪ ♪ on this lonely road, trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪ Markham: I always scoffed at people talking to... loved ones who'd moved on. Seemed impractical to me. Can't hear you. They're gone. And I'm a practical man. Except when it comes to you, it seems. Revenge, Katherine. What did you in? Damn it, I told you I would get Duffy! Why didn't you trust me? For once, why couldn't you just do what you were told to do? I'll always love you, Katherine, but you need to know. I may be talking to a ghost, but I am still a practical man. I'd love to gut Wynn Duffy from nose to tail, but I have got to go and get my goddamn money. Wynn Duffy. Hey, you've got a damn good lawyer, Wynn, And I ought to know, because I'm a damn good lawyer. Wynn: I'll pass along the adulation. Are these the personal items from my motor coach? Vasquez: Yeah, I had to call in a lot of favors to get you transferred to federal custody. And now ... well, it seems now I got to let you go. Billie Jean King. Wynn: A pioneer. Vasquez: We took the liberty to freeze your bank accounts... Wynn: It's prescription. I have... sensitive gums. Vasquez: ...pending the results of the investigation. You're fully cleared, [i]should be able to get most of your assets off ice. Oh, look at this. You are an eagle scout. Wynn: It belonged to a dear friend. Vasquez: Mm. 'Course, KSP's gonna want to keep your winnebago a bit longer, but if you want that, you can stick around for another week or two. Wynn: That they can have. Vasquez: Bad memories? Wynn: Raylan Givens, Boyd Crowder, and Avery Markham are soon to converge, Mr. Vasquez. Like the aligning of the planets if those planets carried guns and hated my guts. I don't ever plan on returning to Kentucky. May I? Vasquez: I just have one last question. You know, for me. Off the record. Wynn: Sounds sexy. Vasquez: You know, I have a-a stack of files this tall. Sits on my desk. It's got all kinds of witness interrogation and, um, surveillance records and info from snitches about who killed Simon Poole 14 years ago. And it all adds up to... jack sh1t. So I just want to know, between you and me, who really did it? Who killed my boss? Wynn: Between you and me, Mr. Vasquez, I really and truly don't know. Woman: Air unit East to Evarts. Possible fugitive sighting. Please confirm. Over. Man: Copy. Which fugitive? Over. Woman: Uh, Boyd Crowder ... possibly in police uniform. Considered armed. Stolen police vehicle recovered. Possible hostage situation. Zachariah: God damn. [Ava chuckles nervously] Oh, god... Of course. Of course! [laughing] Zachariah: What the hell you laughing about? Ava: It's a joke. Don't you get it? We're dead! Zachariah: No, we got to do something. Ava: We're gonna run. Hell yeah! Let's run! You know your way around this goddamn mountain, little girl? 'Cause I sure as hell don't. Ava: Forget about the mountain. We got to go back down! We got to ... we got to ... I don't know ... find one of them abandoned houses and ... and hide out. Zachariah: Federals kicking in every goddamn door, dogs running around, sniffing around, they'd find us in no time. Ava: You got a better idea? Else we're dead. Zachariah: Yeah, I got an idea. We're gonna sit right here, we're gonna wait. And when he shows up, we're gonna kill him. The end. Ava: That's not gonna be our end. 'Cause staying here is suicide. Boyd: I'm gonna need you for a little while longer. I'd rather take your time than take your truck. Hagan: You can have her. Boyd: Yeah, well, I don't want her. I'm just looking to get from point "A" to point "B." Look, Mr. Crowder, I done helped you out. I gave you my son's clothes. Boyd: You know my name. You know what I done. God damn right I know your name. And which time you talking about? Well, I do have a rather long résumé. Hagan: Yes, sir. They put out your greatest hits, it'd be a double album. Boyd: sh1t. Double live, man, from Japan. Hagan: Hell yeah. All killer, no filler. Boyd: [laughs] Hagan: Konnichiwa, bitches. sh1t. You nearest thing we got to Billy the Kid around here. Boyd: Well, I don't know about all that. Hagan: sh1t, son, you're smart. Articulate, strong. The way you look, the way you talk, ain't nobody expect nothing from you. Then you unleash, and they cannot deny. [clicks tongue] It ain't too much to call you a hero. Well, if you insist. Hagan: Go on. Be proud to give the outlaw Boyd Crowder my truck. [keys jingle] Boyd: Thing is, they're looking for me. They ain't looking for you. So I'm gonna need you to drive. Derrick: Man, this sucks. Loretta: I ain't paying you to whine. Derrick: Yeah? And I didn't come for the money. Well [chuckles]... not just the money. Loretta: Look, I got people maybe out to kill me, Derrick. You came just to get back together, you're a damn fool. Derrick: Loretta... [clank] ...why you got to be talking ... [man groans] Got him. Loretta: Hold up. I can't see. Derrick: Here, let me look. [door opens] Boon: Hey, Loretta. I been looking everywhere for you. You know, one way in and out of this place ... I snap one of your traps, and you both take your eyes off the door? You're a smart girl, but I got a thing or two to teach you yet. I reckon I could see you both better if you stepped out this way. Yes, you, son. Come on, now. Giddyup. [clicks tongue] Now, how about you put down them toys? I'm not here to start a ruckus. Who the hell are you? Derrick: Just her boyfriend. Boon: Oh, yeah? You want to save your girlfriend? Loretta: He ain't my boyfriend. Boon: Loretta, girl, a boy doesn't become a man until he can make his own decisions. You want to raise up that gun, try and shoot me? Or you afraid I'm too fast? [gun cocks] I am, by the way. [gun clicks] Good news ... Jenny here, you got to leave her firing chamber empty, avoid an accidental discharge. Bad news ... her chamber's full of promise now. How about we try that again, huh? You not having to clear that holster, boy, that fast approaches a fair... [gunshot] [thud] Derrick: [groaning and panting] Boon: Aw, sh1t. He's still kicking. Derrick: [coughs] Boon: That's the risk you run going for a head shot, Loretta. Derrick: [crying] Boon: Well, I figure... you never know when one of these pussies are wearing kevlar, right? Always go for the brain. Best bet. Derrick: [panting] [coughing] [groaning] Boon: Don't worry. I'll forgive you. Vasquez: Where is she? Where's Art? Who's running this sh1t show? Where is everybody? Nelson: Gee, I don't know. The manhunts? Plural? Vasquez: And they left you to what? Do your nails? Nelson: Well, if it's any of your business, Vasquez, I'm coordinating. Vasquez: Oh, well, that's fantastic. Maybe you can coordinate an explanation for this bullshit bulletin. Nelson: Chief called it in. Looks pretty serious. Vasquez: You were saying? Nelson: Having a bad day, David? Vasquez: Yeah. Nelson: Hey, Tim, maybe you can help out ... Tim: Dude, I just came in. Nelson: He's asking about the bulletin. Tim: [sighs] Well... when a marshal's life is in danger, we put out a bulletin saying so. Hoping a fellow L.E.O. will bring him into protective custody. Vasquez: You think I don't know that Givens has gone rogue and that you're closing ranks to avoid a P.R. nightmare? You and everybody in this office is gonna be writing thank-you notes to Art Mullen from the federal penitentiary. Tim: Your attitude is not helpful. Vasquez: Open your ears! Tim: So negative. We're not talking about a write-up. Everybody in here is an accessory to ... to a $10 million heist! Aiding and abetting a fugitive! Vasquez: Never mind. There's no point. [dialing] Vasquez: Get me S.A.C., uh, Les Levay at the FBI. Art: Mullen. Tim: Oh, hey, Art. What's up? Art: Hold on. You're breaking up. See if I can get a signal. Uh, say that again. Tim: Oh, hey, Art. What's up? Art: Oh, you know, scouring the countryside for a dumbass. You? Tim: Well, I just had Vasquez pissing in my ear about the bulletin. So, it looks like we can't keep the whole "Raylan Givens gone rogue" thing in-house. Art: Well, he sniffed that out sooner than I'd thought. I think he just trashed Nelson's desk, too. Art: Well, how'd you leave it? Tim: Well, he's on the phone now. Vasquez: Yeah, I'm gonna need a bolo issued for Raylan Givens. Tim: Fact, I just heard him tell the FBI ballsack to issue a bolo. Art: Well, sh1t! Tim: Wait one. Vasquez: The plan is as soon as I get him, I'm gonna indict him. Tim: I just heard him say he wants Raylan indicted. Art: Double sh1t. Bob: Raylan, if you get this, just letting you know I heard the FBI bolo for you on the scanner. I know you're in trouble, and I'm ... I'm on my way. [SCENE_BREAK] [garage door squeaking] [gasps] Raylan, d-d-did you steal my Crown Vic? D... sh1t! [sighs] [music] [grunts] All right, where are you? Aw, there you are. I'm coming for you, Raylan. [music] Raylan: You ain't Boyd. Zachariah: Neither are you. Appreciate you not shooting me. Raylan: Likewise. Zachariah: Seen the crown of your hat through the window. Boyd don't wear no hat. Raylan: Where's Ava? Ava: [panting] If you get this, call this number. [panting] You better make it fast, though. I'm running out of time. [panting] Wynn: I need a vehicle, a gun, and two passports. I want the vehicle to have a compartment, well-hidden, and I mean top-shelf hidden, not some 20-year-old Astro with a false bottom. Lorna: How much space you need? Wynn: Enough room for two or three very large duffel bags. Lorna: Your guy coming, too? Wynn: No, Mikey's not gonna make it. You know what'd be great? One of those dog-grooming vans. Mobile dog groomers use them. Lorna: We can paint one up like that, sure. Wynn: No. A used one. Lorna: It's not easy. [sighs] Wynn: By tomorrow. Triple what you paid last time. Wynn: Fine. Lorna: Up front. Wynn: [sighs] Keep the change. Lorna: Anything else? Wynn: Yeah, actually... a topographical map of Harlan County would be great. Raylan: Do you not see how we want the same thing? Zachariah: That may be true. But if Boyd ain't been here yet, why you going off looking for Ava? Why don't you just stay here, and we'll take that son of a bitch together? Raylan: We don't know for sure if he's coming. He's only coming if he thinks she's here! Zachariah: And he does think she's here! Raylan: But if he don't, if he somehow gets wind of her... before I get to him. I hear what you're saying, but I'm sticking here for the fight. Raylan: Well, I'm taking the fight to him. Now, where is she? Zachariah: I don't know. Maybe she slipped through cranks gap by now. She might be halfway to Jonesville ... maybe Ewing. I don't know. Who she knows in Virginia? Did you set her up? I don't know nobody in Virginia. I don't know where she is, and she didn't tell me. So I can't spill my guts in case you plan on roughing me up again. Raylan: You're a waste of space. You're of no help. Zachariah: Let me tell you something, you son of a bitch! You ain't no better than Boyd! God damn you! The way the two you just scrambled that poor girl's brains! Pull her this way and that way. You used her, god damn you! Ain't no wonder why she burnt the two of you and lit out on her own. Raylan: I'm trying to protect her. Zachariah: Yeah, that may be part of the story, but I bet that ain't the whole goddamn story. Raylan: Yeah, you're goddamn right. Where's the money? Zachariah: [scoffs] Raylan: Where is it? It ain't here. It had to weigh a ton. No way she drug it up and over. She went down. Zachariah: She's gone. Raylan: Not as long as I'm looking. Ava: [panting] [grunts] Oh, god. Bob: Ava Crowder... Ava: Aah! Bob: Step away from the car. Ava: [panting] Bob: Step away from my Crown Vic. Take that backpack off. Slow. Ava: [breathing heavily] Bob: And, hey, don't reach in. No, put it on the ground! On the ground! Ava, don't test me. All right, now get down on your knees. On your knees. [sighs] Sorry if that ... that sounds untoward. Holy sh1t! Holy sh1t. Where ... Where's Raylan? Ava: I don't know. Bob: Did you kill him? Ava: What? No! Bob: Ava, you're a fugitive from the law. I know you shot your fiancé and I know that Raylan took my Crown Vic. And I tracked it up here. Now, for the last time ... Ava: The answer to the question is "no!" I ain't even seen him. Bob: I hope for your sake, and for the sake of the Commonwealth of Kentucky that you are telling the truth. Now... lace your fingers behind your head. Behind your head! Okay. Let's get up slowly. Come on. There you go. Walk this way with me. And I'm quick with this gun, case you're getting squirrely. You got that? Ava: Bob, you know there's a lot more money where that came from, don't you? I mean ... Bob: I'm gonna take mercy on you. I'm not gonna "attempting to bribe an officer of the law" to your long list of offenses. And before you try to seduce me, just know it's been tried before. All right, now, get yourself in the Gremlin there. Open the door. Open the door. All right. Sit yourself down. And when Raylan comes back with my keys, we're gonna make the change, and it's nice in there. I got an air freshener smells like a mocha latte. [engine shuts off] Ava: You hear that? Bob: Uh, no, I di... Yes, I did. Ava: It's Boyd. Bob: Ava, that could be anybody, okay? I want you to calm down, all right? Just calm down. Just sit down for a sec. Ava: Listen to me. Please. He's gonna kill us! Hagan: Cold out here. Can feel it. Boyd: Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing. [exhales slowly] Hagan: I appreciate the lie, Mr. Crowder. But we both know what you was thinking. Loose end and all. Boyd: You know my mind? Now, maybe I was gonna take your keys, let you walk. Hagan: [scoffs] So you could shoot me in the back? You're gonna have to look me in the eye, you pull that trigger. Nah, I knew the minute you stepped in my cab I was gonna be staring down the black hole of your gun ... cut me down like the plague you are. Boyd: Well, I got to say, you did do a pretty good job ... all that smoke you were blowing up my ass. Hagan: Ain't no smoke. But I will say this. Stories of outlaw legends, they ain't passed down by the families of the murdered. Well, I don't give a sh1t about "the Ballad of Boyd Crowder." I'll be dead and gone when that song gets sung. [exhales slowly] Hagan: Old boy by the name of Hut McKean mean anything to you? Boyd: Let me guess ... I killed him, my men killed him, my dope killed him, or my daddy killed him? Next thing that comes out of your mouth is, "how do you sleep at night, Boyd Crowder?" Well, do you know how? 'Cause I know who I am. Do you? You're a slave, disenfranchised ... don't even know it. You drive your shitty truck to your shitty house, live out your shitty life. You think you're better than me 'cause you play by the rules? Whose rules? My life is my own. Hagan: You ain't even heard a word I said. Boyd: I don't give a sh1t about what you said. I'm an outlaw. [gunshots] Bob: Stay here. Don't make any noise. Ava: No! No, no! Bob! Bob! You can't leave me here like this! [sighs] [gunshots] [gasps] [grunting] [grunts] [breathing heavily] [music] Raylan: [panting] [gunshot] Boyd: Ah. Aah. God damn, Raylan! How you know I wasn't some boy scout looking for his tent?! Raylan: Your teeth glow in the dark. Boyd: You shot unprovoked. How am I supposed to take that? Raylan: As me aiming to kill you. Boyd: [breathing heavily] Well, it's only getting colder. So what say the next time the moon peeks out from behind those clouds, we show it down? Raylan: Now you're talking. Boyd: Only problem is, Raylan, I don't know where you are. Raylan: I don't know where I'm either. Boyd: Why you want to kill me so bad, Raylan? You don't even know why. "Boyd Crowder must die!" That's just the lie you tell yourself, wanting to win. Raylan: You are the world-conquering emperor of lies, the biggest reserved for yourself. Boyd: Just say it, Raylan. "I want to win!" Raylan: [chuckles] How about, "I want the money"? sh1t. You want to kill her, Boyd. You want to kill the woman who stole your money, shot you, and left you for dead. Boyd: You don't know what's in my heart. Raylan: What heart? Boyd: You don't know what's in your own heart. You've given up everything you are so that you could murder me. Raylan: I cross the line with my eyes wide open. Boyd: [grunts] Well, whose eyes you gonna see when you kill me, Raylan? Your daddy's? Raylan: Not anymore. Boyd: Your baby girl's? Imagine the look on her face the day she realizes, "my daddy spent his whole life trying to walk the line and failed." Raylan: She'll live her life the way everybody does ... on her own. Boyd: Are you sure you don't want me to kill you, Raylan, keep you a hero? That makes for a hell of a bedtime story. [grunts] Raylan: This is the only story here tonight. [shout in distance] Help! Boyd: You don't think that's Bob, do you? Raylan: Why would that be Bob? Boyd: Well, I shot him a couple times down at the trail head. I think he might still be alive. You ought to go run down there and see if you can't help him. Raylan: Bob can take care of himself. Boyd: Well, hell, Raylan. Then I have already won. [siren wailing] [tires screech] Crosley: Stop! [gunshot] Ava: Aah! [breathing shakily] Crosley: Get down on the ground. Ava: All right, all right, all right! Crosley: Get on the ground! Birch: Holy sh1t! There's a shitload of money in here. Ava: You take me in, you're gonna have to hand that over. You let me go, you can have it. Crosley: [chuckles] I do not know what Mr. Markham has got planned for you... Ava: Wait. ...but I don't want him to do it to me. Ava: Markham? You're taking me to see Markham? Crosley: Get up. [grunts] Get up, you pussy. [car door closes] [car alarm chirps] Markham: What the hell is this? Boon: Yeah, he tried to pull on me. Markham: You just gonna let him lay there and bleed? Boon: Was I supposed to take him to the hospital? Markham: Hope he wasn't someone dear to you. Loretta: Just someone I paid to watch my back. Markham: Money not well spent, I'd say. Loretta: Well, slim pickings, way you're running roughshod over this county. Markham: Trying to flatter me, girl? Loretta: Just wondering what you want from me is all. Reason I had Boon come looking for you is Ava Crowder stole my money. Stole it from the man who stole it from me. That man being your new business partner Boyd. Loretta: This is the first I'm hearing of it. Markham: I was thinking the two of you being so close, you might have some idea where Ava ran off to. Even entered my mind that maybe you two ladies conspired together. Loretta: Like I said, first I'm hearing about it. Markham: I believe you. Couple of deputies I became friends with called me on the way over. They picked up Ava Crowder. Bringing her to me directly. Loretta: Suppose you won't be needing me anymore, then. Markham: If that's the case, I'll just kill you right now. But I'm gonna give you 30 seconds to change my mind. Tell me why I shouldn't kill you, Loretta McCready. Loretta: You can kill me. Go right ahead. Buy all this land I've acquired at auction like you have with others. But bear in mind the time that may take and the unexpected costs it may incur. What I can offer you at this juncture is a partnership. Immediate access not only to my land, but also my growing expertise. Sure, you've got boys like Boon over here know plenty about watching over land, but none of them were raised around these buds like I was. Add to that my ties to Harlan County. Say weed don't get legalized like we think. Well... I can tell you who among those criminal elements you can trust. A partnership with me will tell those same folks that they can trust you. Markham: First time I saw you, I liked you. Didn't much care for what you did at the Pizza Portal, but I saw something in you reminded me of Katherine little bit. More than that, reminded me of Mags Bennett. I could use a Harlan girl in my fold. Besides, I think old Boon here is sweet on you. Raylan: Bob? Oh, jeez... Bob: Raylan. Raylan. [muttering] [grunts] Raylan: Jesus Christ, Bob. [grunts] Bob: Just keep applying pressure, Raylan. Keep ... Raylan: I know, Bob. ... to the point of impact to stanch the flow of blood. Raylan: Hey, just keep that pad pressed up against your gut, Bob. Bob: I am, okay? I just... [stammers] Just ask me anything ... trivia. "W-What ... What was Indiana Jones' archenemy?" Just ask me. Ask me. Raylan: Bob, just breathe, buddy. Just breathe. Bob. Bob! Raylan: sh1t. [cellphone beeps, ringing] I got an officer shot. At least two in him... gut and shoulder. Bob: The monkey's dead. Don't eat the ... Raylan: Hang in there, Bob. Bob: They call him Belosh. Raylan: A-A-And link up to U.S. Marshals' task force. Tell 'em I know where Boyd Crowder is. [insects chirping] [leaves rustle] [footsteps approaching] [gunshot] Zachariah: [grunts] Son of a bitch! You goddamn ... Boyd: Where is she? Zachariah: She ain't here! Boyd: Ava? [laughs] Ava?! Zachariah: Boyd Crowder.[/i] Bo Crowder. Bowman Crowder. Y'all part of the same big, old pile of sh1t! Like to beat on the weak ones, don't you, you son of a bitch? [grunts] Boyd: I know you think you're protecting her, but you ain't. Now, you want to protect her? You need to get me to that money before I get to her. Zachariah: I'd sooner die than give you anything you want. But I do got something for you you don't want. Go to hell, Crowder. Boyd: [grunts] [grunts] [panting] [tires screech] [engine shuts off] [music] [police radio chatter] Raylan: Come on. Let's go. Bob: [grunts] Raylan: [grunts] Okay. Lappicola: Raylan Givens? Raylan: I don't suppose you'd believe me if I said "no."

Raylan leaves his badge behind as he heads up into the hills, happening upon a camp of hill folk forced off their land by mining pollution. Learning that there's bad blood over Arlo using them to move drugs up and down the mountain, Raylan signs over the deed to Arlo's place to them as restitution and to be rid of his last tie to Harlan, and continues on his way to Grubes' cabin. Zachariah digs a grave for Grubes, thinking the wisest thing is to lay low with six months' of supplies in the cabin. When they hear on a police scanner that Boyd has escaped custody, Zachariah wants to ambush him but Ava is terrified and runs with $1M, placing a call for help when she gets a signal. Wynn Duffy, released from custody, arranges for purchase of two passports, a gun, and a dog-grooming van with a large well-hidden compartment, suggesting that he's preparing to leave with Ava and the money; he pays with Katherine's shoplifted diamond tennis bracelet and large engagement ring. Vasquez becomes irate with the Marshals who have merely issued a bulletin saying Raylan's life has been threatened, and puts in a call to the FBI. Constable Bob Sweeney hears the FBI BOLO for Raylan and calls offering his help but discovers he has already given it as Raylan borrowed his Crown Vic. Bob uses a tracker to find the car and catches Ava trying to get into it with a backpack of money. He zip-cuffs her in his Gremlin when they hear a gunshot nearby, and Bob investigates. It was Boyd, killing the local he'd used to drive him around the backroads, and soon additional shots are heard. Ava desperately breaks free and is once again on the run. Coming down the hill, Raylan encounters Boyd on his way up. They exchange gunfire and words in the dark, but Boyd slips away and Raylan continues down to aid a gunshot Bob Sweeney, rushing him to hospital where Raylan is taken into custody by state troopers. Ava is captured on the road by cops on Avery's payroll. And Boyd survives Zachariah's ambush at the cabin but nearly buys it when gunshot Zachariah blows himself up with dynamite. Boon has found Loretta hiding in the old Bennett weed-drying barn and shoots her ex-boyfriend Derrek who tries to defend her, Avery finishing the job when he arrives. Avery is concerned that Loretta might be conspiring with Ava, but believes her when she denies it. Threatened with death, Loretta offers to partner with Avery, avoiding him costly delays and providing know-how and local ties; he seems inclined to accept.

fd_One_Tree_Hill_04x21

fd_One_Tree_Hill_04x21_0

TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL Brooke, Lucas, Peyton, Skills, Mouth are following Nathan and Haley, who is in labor, to the ambulance. Lucas receives a text message and leaves. TREE HILL POLICE STATION Dan walks in DAN : My name is Dan Scott. I killed my brother. TREE HILL HOSPITAL Karen is in the operating room, unconscious DOCTOR : Her heart rate's dropping. OB : Come on, Karen. Just breathe. Haley is in the labor room, with Nathan OB : Come on, Haley, just breathe. NATHAN : You're doing good, baby. You're doing so good. I'm right here. Karen's operating room, Lucas is behind the window, watching. LUCAS : Come on, mom. I'm right here. (we hear the monitor, her heart stops) DOCTOR : She's coded. LUCAS : Mom! KAREN'S DREAM She is alone in a beautiful park when Keith arrives KEITH : Karen? (She jumps in his arms and they kiss, then a little girl arrives) LITTLE GIRL : Yuck! KAREN : Who's that? KEITH : Don't you know? KAREN : She's our daughter. LITTLE GIRL : Mommy! Daddy! Come play with me! (Both join the girl) LITTLE GIRL : What flower is this, mommy? KAREN : This is a lily. (the girl goes play in the park) KAREN : Oh, she's beautiful. KEITH : Just like her mother. LITTLE GIRL : Mommy, come with me. KEITH : You should go watch over her. I'll wait for you. It's okay. I'll be right here. (They kiss and Karen goes to see her daughter) LITTLE GIRL : Come with me, mommy! KEITH : Look for me in the lilies. KAREN : There's my girl. These are for you. It's a beautiful lily. TREE HILL HOSPITAL Back in Karen's operating room, they shock her and we hear her heart beating again DOCTOR : Stats and vitals rising. We got her back. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL Brooke is still where the ambulance was, she finds Haley's valedictorian speech and reads it BROOKE (voiceover) : Now is the time for us to shine, the time when our dreams are within reach and possibilities vast. Now is the time for all of us... to become the people we've always dreamed of being. This is your world. You're here." TREE HILL HOSPITAL Haley is giving birth to their child OB : It's a boy. BROOKE (voiceover) : You matter. NATHAN : Just relax. HALEY : You're a dad! NATHAN : You did so good. You did so good. We have a son. We have a son. HALEY : I want to see him. (Haley takes the baby in her arms HALEY : Hi. Hi, baby. BROOKE (voiceover) : The world is waiting. HALEY : Welcome to the world, James Lucas Scott. Look, that's your daddy. NATHAN : He's so beautiful. HALEY : That's your daddy. SCOTT'S HOUSE, 2 WEEKS LATER Nathan is holding his son, watching basketball and listening rap music. Haley walks in HALEY : Unbelievable. He's only mellow when we play rap music? What happened to the classical music I played for nine months? NATHAN : I got a confession to make. Every time you fell asleep, I went to old-school hip-hop. That's my boy, isn't it? That's my boy. You like some old-school hip-hop, huh? Yeah. GRAVEYARD Karen is sitting in front of Keith's grave, holding their daughter. KAREN : Hi, Keith. It's us. Her name is Lily. Lily Roe Scott. Hi. I'm gonna be seeing you in her every day. SIDE OF A ROAD Peyton is outside her car with the hood opened, Lucas arrives in his car LUCAS : You've got to be kidding me. Again? PEYTON : I guess. LUCAS : Doesn't look like anything's wrong. You sure it won't start? Peyton? (Lucas closes the hood, Peyton is sitting inside the car) PEYTON : Oh, the car's fine. I was just feeling sentimental about the first time we spoke. LUCAS : Feeling sentimental, or avoiding packing for your trip to Los Angeles with Brooke tomorrow? PEYTON : I don't want to go. I mean, I do want to go. I'm just... I'm gonna miss you. LUCAS : Come on, look. At least you know what you're gonna do. PEYTON : You still haven't decided yet? LUCAS : I just didn't see this other thing coming, you know? PEYTON : Can I help you? LUCAS : I don't think so. I just keep telling myself that... there will be some significant moment when I will know what to do. How about you? Can I help you? PEYTON : Yeah. Remember when your mom was in the hospital, and you asked me just to lie with you and heal you? LUCAS : Yeah. PEYTON : I think I could use some of that healing before tomorrow. LUCAS : I can do that. SCOTT'S HOUSE NATHAN : So, you know, there's a big party tonight, kind of a last hurrah for all the seniors. HALEY : I know, but what are we gonna do with the baby? (Deb walks in) DEB : Cue the crazy grandmother. And F.Y.I., if either of you ever calls me "grandmother" in public, I'll use my gun. Which is at the range, safe from the most beautiful baby boy in the world. Next to you, Nathan, of course. Oh, who am I kidding? You are the cutest. You, you, you. Go. I'll watch him. HALEY : Oh, I don't know. NATHAN : We're underage, mom, and there's gonna be drinking, alcohol, probably some drugs. DEB : You're going to the party, and you're going to have fun. We insist. Now go. Bring me home some drugs. Isn't grandma funny? Isn't she? PARTY HOUSE IN THE WOOD Lots of people are arriving at the party BROOKE : Wow. So, what's the deal with this party, anyway? MOUTH : At midnight, the Tree Hill high computers change over, and the juniors become seniors. BROOKE : So, what happens to us? CHASE : We're gone. BROOKE : I don't want to be gone. CHASE : Well, you got until midnight. MOUTH : Hey, let me ask you guys something. Does it look like I'm wearing a blouse? BROOKE : I like it. CHASE : Uh, it's a little... MOUTH : Great. I'm the blouse man. It looks like I'm competing in men's ice dancing, doesn't it? CHASE : No, it looks like you're winning men's ice dancing. BROOKE : Stop it. It's fine. CHASE : I'm just playing. As long as you don't have wine coolers in that bag, you're good. MOUTH : You know what? You guys go ahead. I'm gonna, uh, grab my jacket. (Mouth leaves) CHASE : Hey, listen. I'm gonna stay out of your way tonight 'cause you got a lot of people to say goodbye to before you leave tomorrow. BROOKE : Thanks. Lucas and Peyton arrive at the party PEYTON : Maybe I don't even have to go. I mean, what do interns do anyway? They, like, answer phones. I already know how to answer phones. Look... Hello? LUCAS : You're going, and you're gonna have fun. Haley and Nathan arrive at the party HALEY : Okay, we'll have fun. I just saying, maybe I should give Deb one quick call just to check in. NATHAN : Hales, come on, I miss the boy, too, but we're not gonna be those crazy, obsessive parents. You need to enjoy one last night with all your friends. HALEY : Okay, I won't call. NATHAN : All right. Tonight's gonna rock. Brooke and Chase are walking all the way to the entrance BROOKE : Tonight's gonna suck. I can't believe they're gonna erase us. CHASE : No, I see possibilities in a night like this. It's your last chance to tell someone you love them, maybe apologize to an old friend, try something new. Tonight has greatness written all over it. I can feel it. BROOKE : Okay. GUY : Name. BROOKE : Brooke Davis. GUY : I'm sorry. I've got strict orders not to admit Brooke Davis. BROOKE : Excuse me? Whose stupid party is this, anyway? RACHEL : Mine, bitch. And your fat ass isn't invited. BROOKE : Oh, my god. Rachel finds Mouth RACHEL : Well, if it isn't the only guy to ever leave me in a hotel room before the s*x. MOUTH : Well, well. Come here. Where you been? What are you doing here? RACHEL : Well, where I've been's a long story. What I'm doing here's pretty easy. I missed you. MOUTH : I missed you, too. (Brooke arrives) BROOKE : Hang out with her too long, you're gonna end up in Honey Grove. I need to borrow you. Come with me, boy and friend. MOUTH : Where to? BROOKE : Someone's playing spin the bottle. MOUTH : Spin the bottle? What are we... 13? BROOKE : Shut up. God. Look, if you ask me, it's really stupid that we all ever stopped playing spin the bottle, so quit being so grumpy. MOUTH : Hey, you'd be grumpy, too, if a girl you had history with just showed up out of the blue. (They both walk inside the house and find Shelly, already playing spin the bottle) SHELLY (surprised) : Mouth. BROOKE (to Mouth) : You were saying? (Mouth leaves) BROOKE : Hi. Haley is alone, on the phone HALEY : Hey, Deb, hi. It's... It's me. I... I'm sorry to bother you. I just wanted to... check in, yeah. Everything's great? Great. Okay, good, good. All right. Thanks. Oh, also, can you just not tell Nathan that I called this time... or last time? Thanks. Also, uh, before you go, he really likes his little... giraffe. (Rachel arrives behind her and flicks her in the back of her head) HALEY : Ow! RACHEL : That's for soaking me at the last party. The bitch slap, I deserved. (Rachel starts leaving, Haley throws her glass at her back) HALEY : That's for flicking me in the back of the head. (Haley leaves) RACHEL : I'm gonna miss this. Nathan is on the roof, Lucas joins him LUCAS : Is that Nathan Scott, big-time college basketball player? NATHAN : Small-time college basketball player. LUCAS : Well, whatever, but... congratulations, man... on everything. How's fatherhood? NATHAN : It's awesome. How's brotherhood? LUCAS : Awesome. (they exchange pictures) NATHAN : She's beautiful, Luke. LUCAS : Handsome kid. Looks like his uncle. (They stay in silence for a while) NATHAN : We got to go see him. LUCAS : Yeah, I know. But what do you say to your father the murderer? NATHAN : Whatever we say, we just get it over with. I'm tired of carrying it around and avoiding him. LUCAS : Let's do it tonight. Let's stop running from him. NATHAN : Okay. Okay, we'll go later tonight, then. May need a few drinks first. (Nathan starts leaving) NATHAN : Lucas... I'm sorry I didn't believe you. LUCAS : I'm sorry I was right. Brooke is looking at her cell phone, Chase sent her a video CHASE (message) : Brooke Davis, look to your right, and you'll see the hottest guy at the party. (Brooke looks at Chase, but Haley arrives) HALEY : Hey. BROOKE : Hi, tutor mom. How you feeling... you having fun or you worried about the kid? HALEY : Um, I am... worried... about you, too. I'm gonna miss you this summer. BROOKE : Okay, don't. Don't do that. Don't make me cry 'cause I'm barely holding it together as it is. HALEY : Nathan and I want you to be James' godmother. BROOKE : Okay, that's gonna do it. Haley. I would be honored to be his godmother, and I promise you that, unlike my ungodly mother, I will so kick ass at this. HALEY : I know you will... as long as you don't say "kick ass" around him too much. BROOKE : Right, sorry. Shelly is alone, Peyton comes see her PEYTON : Like your leather. You're Shelly, right? SHELLY : Yeah. Uh, we had current events together, right? PEYTON : Yeah. Hey, I just want to tell you, I think Clean Teens is really cool. SHELLY : Thanks. I... kind of ended it. PEYTON : Well, it's still really brave of you. I totally would have joined if I didn't love s*x so much. That's a joke. SHELLY : Yeah. (Rachel joins them) RACHEL : Man, Clean Teen wardrobe sure has changed. I want back in. (Brooke and Haley arrive too) BROOKE : Look at this. It's like a Clean Teen reunion. All we need now is Chase, but... honestly, he's not that clean. He appreciates the art of a dirty text message. (Bevin arrives and grabs the girls to dance) RACHEL : I don't suppose the Clean Teen dances much. SHELLY : Oh, please. I was doing the whole slut thing long before you, bitch. Skills is inside the house SKILLS (singing) : "If you wanna be my lover You got to get with my friends" (Lucas arrives) SKILLS : What? It's catchy. LUCAS : You believe in miracles, Skills? 'Cause there's no way in hell a couple of vagabonds like us walked off the River Court and won the State Championship. SKILLS : Yeah. Hey, you know my joint ain't too far from U.N.C. this year, right? We gonna be boys for life. LUCAS : Hey, you guys play Nathan and Whitey next season? SKILLS : December 9th, 3:00, and I plan to score at 3:01, 3:02, and 3:03. You gonna be there, right? LUCAS : We'll see. SKILLS : "We'll see"? Kill all that "boys for life" talk, dog. Matter of fact, we ain't even friends right now. LUCAS : Right. SKILLS : Be right back. (Skills leaves when Nathan arrives) NATHAN : Hey, Skills. All right. Let's go see Dan. LUCAS : You sure? NATHAN : Yeah, I'm sure. Why? Aren't you? LUCAS : I don't know. [SCENE_BREAK] INSIDE PRISON Dan is in his cell POLICE OFFICER : Scott. Visitation. (Karen arrives in front of his cell) KAREN : I have a daughter. Her name is Lily. And someday, when she's old enough, she's gonna ask me where her daddy is... Who he was... and how he died. And on that day, I'm gonna look into her beautiful eyes... eyes that don't know of malice... and jealousy... and evil... and I'm gonna say... "Your father loved his younger brother very much, and that brother took him from you for your entire life. He made sure you would never know your father." DAN (crying) : Karen. (Karen spits on the window and leaves) PARTY HOUSE IN THE WOOD Brooke is watching everybody from a far, alone SKILLS : You must be drinking, baby. BEVIN : No, I don't wanna drink. I just wanna be upside down. This isn't funny. (Lucas arrives) LUCAS : So, you ready to leave tomorrow? (He sees her crying) LUCAS : Hey, what's wrong? BROOKE : I don't know. I just, um... I know moving on is a good thing. I guess I'm just scared. You know? High school's safe, and I'm not sure I'm ready for the real world. LUCAS : For the past few months, I've been writing this... I guess in part so I could remember it all. But, um... here. (Lucas opens his book and gives it to her) BROOKE (reading) : "She was fiercely independent. Brooke Davis... Brilliant and beautiful and brave. In two years, she'd grown more than anyone I had ever known. Brooke Davis is gonna change the world someday, and I'm not sure she even knows it." LUCAS : You're gonna do great, Brooke. The world doesn't stand a chance. BROOKE : Thank you. Shelly is in the middle of the crowd GIRL : Hey, Shelly. Nice moves. SHELLY : Thanks. GUY : Hey, Shelly... nice skirt. So, you gonna let me slide you out of that at church camp again or what? Come on... slut. (Mouth arrives) MOUTH : What did you say? SHELLY : Mouth, it's okay. MOUTH : No, it's not okay. GUY : Oh, no? Whatever, geek. (The guy pushes Mouth) SHELLY : What are you doing? GUY : Do you believe this? (Mouth gets off the ground) GUY : You know, I was gonna take it easy on... (Mouth punches the guy in the face) MOUTH : Yeah, me, too. MOUTH (to Shelly) : He's sorry. You look great. Nathan is showing some pictures of his son REESE : Oh, my gosh. Nathan, your baby is so beautiful. NATHAN : He is, isn't he? (Haley arrives) HALEY : Hi. Sorry. Can we just have a second? REESE : Congratulations, Haley. HALEY : Thank you, Reese. (The girls leave) HALEY : Um, we need to go home. NATHAN : Why? What is it? HALEY : I know we promised we wouldn't do this, but I called just to check in on the baby, and Deb's not answering the phone, there's no busy signal, no answering machine, and she's not answering her cellphone. NATHAN : Okay, let's not freak out, okay? It doesn't mean my mom's not on top of it. HALEY : Your mom the former drug addict, attempted murderer, who dropped a loaded gun in the café? NATHAN : It wouldn't hurt to check. HALEY : Right. Mouth and Shelly are sitting on a couch SHELLY : I thought about calling you a million times. Are you mad at me? MOUTH : No. I just stayed away because you asked me to. No, uh, Clean Teen shirt, huh? SHELLY : No. It was time to end it. I was just trying to find my place, you know? MOUTH : Yeah. You'll always be important to me, Shelly. (Mouth starts leaving) SHELLY : Mouth. (She hugs him) MOUTH : I like the skirt. Peyton finds Brooke alone PEYTON : Hey, you. What have you been up to? BROOKE : Flirting with Lucas. PEYTON : Oh, yeah? How'd that turn out? BROOKE : Meh. So, so. Love triangles are so high school. PEYTON : Seriously. BROOKE : We made it, didn't we? Through all the tragedy and jealousy and confusion... We made it. PEYTON : Yeah. Hoes over bros, right? BROOKE : I love you, P. Sawyer. PEYTON : I love you, too, B. Davis. Fergie, Junk and Mouth are sitting on the roof, Skills joins them SKILLS : Almost midnight... end of an era. Four years of high school and zero girlfriends for Junk and Fergie. JUNK : My girlfriend's canadian. SKILLS : Man, whatever. What you thinking about, Marv? (Mouth spins the bottle, which point Brooke) MOUTH : I'll be right back. (Mouth jumps from the roof, walks toward Brooke and kiss her) JUNK, FERGIE, SKILLS (screaming) : Hey, Mouth, what's... SKILLS : Yeah, Mouth! That's my dog! MOUTH : I always wanted to do that. (Mouth leaves and passes Chase) MOUTH : Sorry. BROOKE : Um... did you... CHASE : I-I said you could hang out. I didn't say you could make out. BROOKE : Do you see what happens when you leave me alone all night? I mean, seriously, thank you for letting me say goodbye to all my friends, but you're the one I want to finish the night with. CHASE : I was hoping you were gonna say that. BROOKE : How about you kiss me till I have to leave tomorrow? CHASE : It's a start. Come on. SCOTT'S HOUSE Deb is sitting with Jamie sleeping in her arms. Haley and Nathan walk in. HALEY : Deb? NATHAN : Mom? Mom, what happened to the phone? DEB : I unplugged it. NATHAN : Why? DEB : Because the two of you were driving us crazy. HALEY : The two of us? NATHAN : I might have called a couple of times. DEB : Six times. HALEY : You crazy, obsessive parent. DEB : You called eight. HALEY : I missed him. DEB : He's fine. But go back to the party and have fun. You have the rest of your lives to worry about children. Trust me. (Deb leaves) HALEY : All right. You want to go back? NATHAN : Yeah. Hey, hold on a second. You're gonna be a great mom, you know that? Actually, you already are a great mother, and that's very sexy. HALEY : Really? We don't have to go back right away. NATHAN : You're absolutely right. PARTY HOUSE IN THE WOOD Brooke and Chase are in a car, kissing. Brooke starts to get undressed CHASE : Did I mention this was the greatest night of my life? BROOKE : Well, you said it was a night to be great and to try new things, so I figured we'd do both at once. CHASE : You're gonna change the world someday, Brooke Davis. BROOKE : Yeah, so I've been told. CHASE : Be gentle with me. Lucas and Peyton are alone, sitting on a bench, far from the party LUCAS : I don't want you to go. PEYTON : What? LUCAS : I'm sorry. I just... I've been trying to put a good face on. God, I love you so much, Peyton. PEYTON : So you want me to stay? LUCAS : Yeah. PEYTON : Then I'll stay. LUCAS : No, you won't. I want you to stay. But I won't let you. And do you know why? Because I've told you before... You are destined for greatness. And it starts tomorrow morning. PEYTON : It's not gonna matter anyway... whether I stay or I go... with us... 'cause I'm gonna love you forever, Lucas Scott. (Nathan an Haley join them) NATHAN : Yeah, so am I. PEYTON : Hey, where have you guys been? HALEY : I don't know. Around. Hey, um, you got a sec, Luke? LUCAS : Yeah. (Haley and Lucas go for a walk, Nathan sits with Peyton) PEYTON : All right, let me see that baby. Oh, god. NATHAN : Not bad, huh? PEYTON : Good work, buddy. NATHAN : I made that. Brooke and Chase are still in the car CHASE : So, tell me that was the greatest 60 seconds of your life. BROOKE : Stop. It was great. CHASE : So great you're gonna stay? BROOKE : Mmm... not really that great. CHASE : Suddenly I feel used. But it's okay, considering I've been used by Brooke Davis. BROOKE : Shut up. You know I'm lying. I am gonna miss you. I already do. You've become such a big part of my life, sometimes I think it's strange that I didn't know you till now. CHASE : It's okay. Put me in your heart and go see everything, Brooke. And then come back to me. Haley and Lucas are walking HALEY : I'm sad. I am sad. I... It just hit me today that you and I have been together pretty much every day of our lives, and we're gonna have to say goodbye soon. We're not gonna... LUCAS : Hales. HALEY : Look, I just... I really want you to know that I love you and there's a reason why our son's middle name is Lucas. You had Keith, and James is gonna have you. And, um... Nathan and I would like for his uncle Lucas to also be his godfather. LUCAS : Thank you. I would love to. HALEY : Good. I just... I hope he learns how to follow his heart like you do. I'm really gonna miss you, Luke. LUCAS : No, you're not. HALEY : What do you mean? What's so funny? LUCAS : Do you want to hear a secret? (Lucas whispers something to Haley) HALEY : Oh, Luke. Rachel is inside the house, Brooke comes to see her RACHEL : Hey. Where you been? BROOKE : Having s*x. RACHEL : You're funny. BROOKE : I have something for you. (Brooke gives Rachel her diploma) BROOKE : Turner gave it to me. Happy graduation. RACHEL : You told him the truth, didn't you? BROOKE : Maybe. RACHEL : You know, of all the schools I got suspended from... I'm glad I graduated from this one. BROOKE : Me too. Lucas joins Nathan who's alone LUCAS : I've been thinking about Dan. NATHAN : Yeah? LUCAS : Why should we go see him? NATHAN : You mean tonight? LUCAS : No, I mean... I mean at all. I mean... he's had control over us since we were born. These are our lives, not his. I say we go on without him. I say... we never go see him. Ever. NATHAN : I know it sounds horrible to say, but, uh... I'm okay with that. I mean, I got a great wife, I got a beautiful baby son, and I got a hell of a brother. LUCAS : Yeah... hell of a brother who's gonna be your coach. Whitey offered me an assistant-coaching job. I'm gonna take it. NATHAN : What? When did you decide this? LUCAS : About the same time I became a godfather. NATHAN : That's great, man. We'll do it together. LUCAS : By the way, make sure you play well on december 9th. If Skills beats us, he's never gonna let us hear the end of it. NATHAN : Yeah. Everybody is outside the house EVERYBODY : 12...11...10...9...8... LUCAS : What's going on? MOUTH : It's almost midnight. EVERYBODY : ...5...4...3...2...1! We're seniors! BROOKE : Oh, high-school kids. Let's get out of here, you guys. BEVIN : Where to? SKILLS : I know a place open all night. Let's roll. RIVERCOURT All the band arrive PEYTON : Girls versus boys! (They start playing) HALEY (whispering to Nathan) : You give me that ball and I'll make it worth for a while. NATHAN : Sorry, guys. HALEY : Sweet! Later, they all wrote their names down the court, and they stand all together. BROOKE : Okay. We're not gonna do this. We're not gonna get sad. Nothing's gonna change now. We'll all be friends forever. I know it. LUCAS : Look, in four years, we're gonna be right back here. You know, done with college or... wherever we go. Right? EVERYBODY : Yeah. NATHAN (to Lucas) : Hey. Ready for a rematch, or you afraid you're gonna get worked? LUCAS : Do you really want to end your night with a loss? MOUTH : Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another historic night. NATHAN : You sure you're up for this, old man? LUCAS : I could do this forever, little brother.

Dan must face the harsh consequences of his decision to murder Keith as Haley goes into labour. Rachel returns and hosts a graduation party where the gang celebrate their high school journey and prepare for the next chapter of their lives. This episode is named after the fifth studio album from Explosions in the Sky .

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MUSIC IN: (SFX: CAR BRAKES TO A STOP) TONY: Lieutenant Lara Hill. Stop number forty six on the boredom express. ZIVA: Cheer up. This could be fun. TONY: If I wanted to knock on doors all day, I would have joined UPS. ZIVA: Trust me. Brown is not your most flattering color. TONY: You're actually enjoying this, aren't you? ZIVA: We're looking for a mole in the Pentagon, Tony. Espionage just so happens to be one of my specialties. (KNOCK ON DOOR) TONY: We're interviewing code geeks. They're not even sure there is a mole. ZIVA: Don't you find it a bit coincidental that every time the Navy breaks a Venezuelan code, it changes almost instantly? (SFX: TONY YAWNS) ZIVA: All right. I'm trying the back door. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BACK YARD - DAY (SFX: GATE OPENS) TONY: Relax, Ziva David. We're dealing with a Naval Officer. Not Doctor Evil. ZIVA: Well, she didn't show up for work or her interview with us. No one has been able to reach her by phone. TONY: She probably overslept. ZIVA: I believe in being prepared. TONY: So do Boy Scouts. Why didn't you bring Webelos McGee with you? ZIVA: I tried. He was busy. TONY: I've got an idea. How about if I shove you right through here? Huh? (F/X: CAT SCAMPERS FROM THE HOUSE) (SFX: ZIVA LAUGHS) ZIVA: Don't tell me you're afraid of a little pussy - cat, Tony? TONY: (BEAT) It looks like blood. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/ SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY TONY: I knew something was wrong the minute I got out of the car, Probie. Instinct. Pure and simple. Either you got it or you don't. MCGEE: Yeah, well I heard you squealed like a little squirrel when the cat jumped out at you. TONY: I was saving this for Ziva, but since you volunteered... find the little beast. Got blood on his paws. It's evidence. MCGEE: I'm allergic to cats. TONY: Oh, I'm sorry. I had no idea. Try holding your breath. DUCKY: Our Lieutenant suffered a single gunshot wound, Jethro, to the right temple... GIBBS: Through and through. DUCKY: Yeah. GIBBS: Impacted here. Round's still in the book, Duck. DUCKY: Sadly, one less reader in the world. JIMMY: Who committed suicide. Or maybe she was just cleaning her gun too close to her head. GIBBS: DiNozzo. TONY: NCIS investigates all suicides as homicides until proven otherwise, Palmer. JIMMY: Got it. GIBBS: T.O.D., Duck? DUCKY: Nine, nine thirty this morning. What time was her interview scheduled for today? GIBBS: Ten hundred. ZIVA: Gibbs. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BEDROOM - DAY ZIVA: I found it taped underneath the bureau. GIBBS: Hundreds and fifties. Non-sequential. Maybe fifty, sixty grand. TONY: Looks like we found our mole, Boss. Knew she was cornered. No way out. NCIS closing in. ZIVA: She could have run, Tony. Suicide is only for when you know you're going to be captured. TONY: For you, maybe. This doesn't exactly look like the bedroom of a hardcore super secret agent chick. ZIVA: I have stuffed animals. Okay, I was twelve. But still, I mean... GIBBS: She could have been coerced. ZIVA: To be a mole? TONY: He means to kill herself. GIBBS: I mean both, DiNozzo. How many suicides you know make their beds before they off themselves? TONY: Want me to inform Lieutenant Hill's Command about her death, Boss? GIBBS: Nope. TONY: He wants to tell him himself. That way he can gauge the response. GIBBS: DiNozzo. TONY: On your six, Boss. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY GIBBS: Get the couch, bookcase, and carpets to Abby. TONY: Oh. On it. GIBBS: McGee! MCGEE: Yeah, Boss? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HALLWAY - DAY (SFX: MCGEE SNEEZES) (MUSIC OVER ACTION/MCGEE CHASES THE CAT) MCGEE: He's really quick, Boss. TONY: (INTO PHONE) All right, I'll hold. McGee, you go that way. I'll go this way. We'll corner the guy. You've got to be very careful with animals. They're... tricky. (SFX: CAT B.G.) GIBBS: Hey! (MUSIC OVER ACTION/CAT WALKS INTO THE CARRIER) TONY: Or you can just do that. GIBBS: With me. We're going to the Pentagon. MCGEE: Cryptology unit? GIBBS: I need you to translate. TONY: He needs you to speak the geek for him, McGeekle. GIBBS: DiNozzo, find a home for that thing! (SFX: CAT B.G.) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CRYPTO UNIT - DAY (SFX: VOICES B.G.) DORN: Agent Gibbs. I understand you've got an investigation to run, but I'd appreciate a courtesy call before you show up here to interview any more of my people. GIBBS: We're not here to interview your people today, Captain Dorn. DORN: What happened? GIBBS: Lieutenant Hill. DORN: Well, what? She didn't show up for her interview at NCIS today? GIBBS: Nope. DORN: Well, if she's running late, I can tell you there's a good reason. She's one of my-- MCGEE: We know the reason. GIBBS: She's dead. DORN: How? MCGEE: Appears to be suicide. DORN: Let's continue this conversation in my office. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OFFICE - DAY DORN: These... cryptographers. They're not like us. Their lives are by patterns and numbers. To tell you the truth, I don't understand half of it. But they're pretty tightly wound and Lieutenant Hill was no different. GIBBS: You're saying she was suicidal? DORN: I'm saying that she was withdrawn. She was socially awkward, had obsessive-compulsive traits. MCGEE: Well none of that was in her medical record. DORN: No, and it wouldn't be! These people are recruited based on their abilities, and sometimes it's a thin line between genius and... GIBBS: Insanity. DORN: Look, a lot of these people tend to be naturally paranoid, and this mole hunt hasn't helped. My entire section's on edge. GIBBS: They should be. DORN: If there's a leak, I am telling you right now it is not coming from my people. MCGEE: We found sixty thousand dollars hidden in Lieutenant Hill's home. GIBBS: She ended up dead instead of attending the interview she had today. What does that tell you? DORN: (INTO PHONE) Lieutenant Hall? HALL: (FILTERED) Sir? DORN: (INTO PHONE) We are now in lockdown. I want all the work secured and the section restricted to quarters until further notice. HALL: Yes, Sir. (V.O./OVER INTERCOM) Attention! Initiate emergency Plan Alpha. Shut down your systems and secure classified material. When complete, report to your quarters until further notice. DORN: Okay. What now? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY TONY: Hey, buddy. Look what I got! Who found your favorite little carrot toy? Come here. Come here. Here. Yeah. Good kitty. (SFX: CAT MEOWS B.G.) (SFX: CAT SCREECHES/ HISSES) TONY: Yah! (SFX: LAUGHTER) TONY: You think that's funny, Probies? Huh? Did I hear a little chuckle back here in the peanut gallery? Is that it? You want to know how the blood got there? Hm? You think that's funny? I'll tell you how it got there. Garfield over there. We found that animal feasting on this woman's face. Doctor Mallard thinks that this kitty cat is rabid. Me? I'm of the opinion that it's a man eater. He likes the taste of human flesh. It starts with the cheeks. Then it moves to the lips. Soft lips. Then it works on the tongue a little bit until it's just a little nub. A lot of blood in the tongue. Guys, there was blood spewing from this poor woman's maw. Get a kick out of this now? You think this is funny, Chuckle Head. That's what it was feasting on when we found it. It took four tranquilizers and three-- ZIVA: That's very dramatic, Tony. Can we get back to work now? TONY: You heard the lady, probies. And careful with that because it is evidence. (LAUGHS) I never get tired of it. What'd you find out? ZIVA: The neighbors were at work. The woman next door - she was actually there, but she didn't hear anything. TONY: I wish I had a neighbor like that. The old bat that lives next to me complains every time I bring a date home. Want to know why? ZIVA: Shouting of, "No means no!?" TONY: Huh. That's a good one, but not even close. ZIVA: I was actually kidding. TONY: Oh. ZIVA: I have the same problem at my place, Tony. TONY: Really? You have a surround system too? ZIVA: No. I'm what you Americans like to call a screamer, yes? (SFX: ZIVA CHUCKLES) (PHONE RINGS) TONY: Answer it. ZIVA: Well, what do you want me to say? TONY: I don't know. Scream something. HILL: (RECORDED VOICE) This is Lara. Leave a message. BOB: (V.O./FILTERED) Hi, Miss Hill. This is Bob calling with a special offer. TONY: (INTO PHONE) Hello, this is Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo. You called a crime scene. We're wiretapping this phone, so please be advised that we will be contacting you at your home. BOB: (V.O./FILTERED) My home? TONY: (INTO PHONE) Anytime day or night. Probably during the weekend, early in the morning. BOB: (V.O./FILTERED) All right. TONY: That was fun. Telemarketers. You can't escape them even when you're dead. ZIVA: Ooh, speaking about escape? TONY: Nobody move! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: To assume is to make an enemy of exactitude, Mister Palmer. JIMMY: Because it makes an ass out of you and me? DUCKY: Is this the best time for an attempt at humor? JIMMY: Um, no. DUCKY: We must strive for excellence, Mister Palmer. Go the extra mile. JIMMY: I understand. DUCKY: Do you now? Oh, that's good. What exactly was your assumption? JIMMY: Well, the Instant Gunshot Residue Test came back positive. DUCKY: Yeah. JIMMY: She had a pistol in her hand. She has a hole in her head. It would seem reasonable to conclude suicide, Sir. DUCKY: There's nothing reasonable about a lovely young girl like this taking her life in such a grotesque fashion. It's true firearms are the most common instrument of suicide. However, women tend to avoid the proximity of the face when pulling the trigger. Vanity, Mister Palmer. Simple vanity. JIMMY: We're not finished with the external exam, are we, Sir? DUCKY: Well, you're not. You're so sure that the cause of death was suicide. Why don't you work out how you would prove it? JIMMY: You want me to... DUCKY: Finish the external exam. Clean, measure - you know, the usual. You think you can do that? JIMMY: Absolutely, Doctor! DUCKY: Then work through the procedure, item by item. Make whatever notes you can. JIMMY: Right. Oh, thank you, Doctor. DUCKY: Have her ready for autopsy two o'clock tomorrow. JIMMY: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: That's why I never had pets. ZIVA: You've never had any pets? TONY: Well, I had sea monkeys once. ZIVA: What's a sea monkey? TONY: Basically brine shrimp swimming around in green water. I know. I thought the same thing. ZIVA: What happened to them? TONY: My mother got their sea castles confused with her mint julep. ZIVA: Your mother drank your monkeys? TONY: It was the seventies. GIBBS: It explains a lot, DiNozzo. GIBBS: Hey boss? I went through Lieutenant Hill's background. ZIVA: Her phone records, credit card bills, personal habits. There's no discernible patterns. TONY: Yet. She's a cryptographer, Ziva. We could be dealing with a real pro here, Boss. GIBBS: Well, DiNozzo, if she was a pro, she wouldn't have killed herself. MCGEE: (V.O.) You should have heard the guy, Abby. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. GARAGE - DAY MCGEE: I mean, just because you (ON CAMERA) have an aptitude for math and science, it does not make them some kind of suicidal freak. ABBY: A little higher, McGee. MCGEE: Is that what people think about us? GIBBS: Ask me later, McGee. Oh, this better be work related. ABBY: Oh, it is. And you're just in time for the show and tell portion. McGee, if you will. So Lieutenant Hill sits down on the couch, puts the gun to her head, and bang! I said "bang," McGee. MCGEE: Bang. ABBY: I matched the bullet found in the book to the Kahr nine-millimeter in the victim's hand. Looks like a suicide, right? GIBBS: Except. ABBY: When a weapon is used at this close of range, there's extensive blood splatter from the exit wound. But blow-back also creates a fine mist of blood which lands here. Imperceptible to the human eye, but not to the magic of modern science. You're still dead, McGee. GIBBS: And? ABBY: Two steps away... voila! GIBBS: Footprints. ABBY: Exactly. Which means.... GIBBS: Somebody else was in the room. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT TONY: No evidence of forced entry. No bruises or marks to show that she was forced to pull the trigger or unconscious when she died. All we have is this... the Rorschach test from hell. ZIVA: You believe Abby may be mistaken? TONY: Well, I believe it's going to be tough to prove the suicide was faked when all you got is two partial footprints. ZIVA: She could have been drugged. The killer could have placed the pistol in her hand and pulled the trigger. TONY: The initial tox screens all came back negative. ZIVA: Some narcotics are hard to trace. And as for no evidence of forced entry, we could be dealing with a trained assassin. TONY: Or she knew her killer, Ziva. Probie, it's about time! I'm starving like Lee Marvin! MCGEE: Well, then you shouldn't have sent me for the world's greatest barbecue because I had to wait in line for an hour. TONY: It will be worth it. MCGEE: You're welcome. Hey, Boss. Did you want something too, because, well, it's just that you never order.... I can... I can go back. I'll go back. GIBBS: Sit down. No one has earned dinner yet! ZIVA: I agree, though I doubt this qualifies as dinner. In fact, I'm not even sure what this is. A Sea monkey? TONY: Goat. I'm pretty sure it's kosher. ZIVA: Maybe. But... still disgusting. GIBBS: There is a mole in the Pentagon and our only lead lies dead on a slab in Autopsy. I want answers! MCGEE: Boss? We ran the serial number on the murder weapon found in Hill's apartment. We just got a match. Purchased six months ago by this woman. ZIVA: Lieutenant Keira Napleton? We just... TONY: Interviewed her last week. She's in the same crypto unit as Hill. ZIVA: Looks like we didn't do such a good job. TONY: We'll bring her in. GIBBS: DiNozzo! TONY: We'll bring her in now. We'll eat dinner later. GIBBS: (CHEWING) Good goat. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. INTERROGATION ROOM (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) GIBBS: I'm Special Agent Gibbs. NAPLETON: Keira Nap - I mean, Lieutenant Keira Napleton, Sir. Middle name, IngBall. Family name on my father's side. Most people would find it -- GIBBS: You're not here because of a middle name, Lieutenant. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM ZIVA: This woman is a total turd! (BEAT) A geek, yes? TONY: The term is nerd. ZIVA: Whatever. I'm just saying it's hard to picture her as a killer. TONY: Remember the time that we Super Glued McGeek's face to his desk? ZIVA: (CHUCKLES) Yes. That's a good point. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM NAPLETON: Am I to assume I'm in some form of legal trouble? I only ask because no one has informed me of my Article Thirty One rights yet, Sir. GIBBS: Want me to read them to you? NAPLETON: Actually I have them memorized. GIBBS: Good. That'll save time. NAPLETON: I was interviewed by NCIS, Sir. I am not a... a traitor to my country. GIBBS: Hm? What about her? NAPLETON: You think Lara was the mole? GIBBS: Tell me about her. NAPLETON: Well, she was Catholic, liked to play softball. Her left leg was longer than her right. GIBBS: I'm more interested in her being dead, Lieutenant! NAPLETON: I don't know, Sir. Perhaps she was depressed? GIBBS: Enough to blow her head off? NAPLETON: She... she shot herself?! GIBBS: With this. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM GIBBS: (FILTERED) A Kahr nine millimeter. Yours. What was that doing at her house? NAPLETON: (FILTERED) The real estate market being what it is-- [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM NAPLETON: ... Being what it is and the forecasted projections over the next several-- GIBBS: Lieutenant! NAPLETON: I have orders for Norfolk, Sir. So I sold my townhouse. Lara let me stay with her until I shipped out. GIBBS: Convenient. NAPLETON: Most people would think so, but the commute really wasn't that much better... GIBBS: Meaning, she wasn't alone when the trigger was pulled. NAPLETON: You think I was .... I was there with her? Sir, if I was...I would have stopped her. GIBBS: Where were you? NAPLETON: At... I was at Alphonse's last night. My boyfriend. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM NAPLETON: (FILTERED) I went straight to work from his house. TONY: I don't believe it. ZIVA: She appears to be telling the truth. TONY: No, I mean the part about her having a boyfriend. ZIVA: Oh. TONY: Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM GIBBS: I need his number and address. NAPLETON: I would appreciate it if you kept this quiet, Agent Gibbs. My parents... they still think I'm a virgin. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY DORN: How much longer is this going to take, Agent McGee? MCGEE: Ah, hard to say, Captain. Agent Gibbs doesn't like to be interrupted during interrogation. DORN: It's almost zero two in the morning. GIBBS: Oh, we're just getting started here, Skipper. DORN: Agent Gibbs, do you think Lieutenant Napleton's the mole? GIBBS: She's staying here until we check her alibi. DORN: Alibi? For what? GIBBS: It's too soon to say. DORN: Well, we have another problem now. Our security may have been compromised. GIBBS: May have? DORN: After you left today, I conducted a thorough inventory of our section. Every piece of technology was scrutinized. Do you know what this is? MCGEE: Oh, it's... GIBBS: (OVERLAP) Oh, yeah. That's one of those... uh... memory doodah things for a computer. DORN: DORN: Yeah, basically we use it to transfer data between terminals. At the end of the night they're checked in. They're kept in a vault. (CONT.) They never leave the section. I found this today in its proper place. The only problem is... someone took the memory cartridge out. GIBBS: Who has access to the vault? DORN: Two people. Lieutenant Hill and Lieutenant Napleton. GIBBS: What was on it? DORN: Could be anything. It holds over two gigs of information. GIBBS: McGee, bag it. Get a hold of Ziva and Tony. Tell them we're heading out. MCGEE: I got it. Ah, where to, Boss? GIBBS: To look for the other doo-dah that goes inside that one. MCGEE: On it. DORN: Agent Gibbs, this is my fault. I've already offered my resignation to the Admiral. GIBBS: Don't fall on your sword yet, Captain. Like I said, we're just getting started here. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT MCGEE: The flashcard could be anywhere. If you find it, though, try not to touch the contacts. ZIVA: Mossad training does not include food service. (SFX: MCGEE COUGHS) MCGEE: This thing hasn't been cleaned in years. TONY: It's a heating duct, McGee. Nobody cleans heating ducts... except for you guys. ZIVA: Oh, god! It smells like it's been here for a month! MCGEE: That's exactly why I don't have a roommate. GIBBS: Roommates are never a good idea. MCGEE: Did you ever have one, Boss? GIBBS: Three, McGee. They're called wives. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ALL SEARCH THE KITCHEN CABINETS/HOUSE FOR THE CHIP) (PASSAGE OF TIME) (SFX: ZIVA SNORES) GIBBS: Pack up. I found it. It looks like they're putting decoder rings in cereal boxes again. (BEAT) What? TONY: Ah, it's a little before our time, Boss. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ZIVA: Find anything, Abby? ABBY: I pulled a partial print off the flashcard. I'm running it now. Rough night? ZIVA: Is there any other kind with Gibbs? ABBY: It could be worse. It could be Saturday. ZIVA: It is Saturday, Abby. ABBY: See? It just got worse. Thanks. TONY: Do you have any Super Glue, Abs? GIBBS: What did I tell you about that, DiNozzo? TONY: His skin might not grow back. GIBBS: What do we have? ABBY: The partial print didn't match anyone in the crypto unit, so I'm running it through AFIS and other databases. GIBBS: McGee. MCGEE: Uh... I dumped the contents of the flashcard. It's encrypted so we're going to need someone from the crypto section to have access to their codes. GIBBS: Captain Dorn is coming in later. ABBY: Well, not so fast, Gibbs. I got a hit. It's from the Office of Foreign Missions. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Name's Simon Roca. He's the Protocol Officer at the Embassy of Venezuela. ZIVA: He's got an apartment in the Watergate. Been on station since last June. TONY: Well, if Lara Hill was selling code, Roca could be the source of the money we found. TONY: Killed her because he was afraid she wouldn't hold up under questioning. MCGEE: We bringing him in? GIBBS: We can't. MCGEE: Can't? He murdered a Naval Officer, Boss! TONY: He has a license to kill, McGee. ZIVA: He's got full diplomatic immunity. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC ROOM - DAY LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) What can the State Department do for NCIS at seven thirty on a Saturday, Agent Gibbs? GIBBS: I've got a dead Naval Officer who might be a mole. Evidence connects her to a foreign diplomat. LEVINSON: What country? GIBBS: Venezuela. His name is Simon Roca. LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) Bad choice. Pick another. GIBBS: I want to question him. LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) You are aware of our current relations with Venezuela. GIBBS: They are about to get worse. LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) They've already accused us of meddling in their internal affairs. The Venezuelan Petroleum Minister has threatened to cut off future oil shipments and to close their refineries in the U.S. GIBBS: Sounds like a real headache. What time can I question him? LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) The man has diplomatic immunity, Agent Gibbs. GIBBS: The man's a foreign intelligence officer who murdered a Navy Lieutenant. LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) You have proof of this? GIBBS: Her death was made to look like a suicide. LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) Meaning you can't prove it. GIBBS: His prints were found on classified Pentagon hardware recovered from the dead woman's home. LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) The Vienna Convention exists for a reason, Agent Gibbs. If you can prove he committed murder, I mean, prove. GIBBS: By the time I prove it, Roca will have left the country. LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) Then we take your proof to the Secretary, and if she signs off on it? We then ask Venezuelan Foreign Mission to waive his immunity. Not very likely. GIBBS: And he walks for murder? LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) I don't make the rules, Agent Gibbs. I do, however, expect you to follow them. Until we give you permission, you can't question Roca. Where's he going? Gibbs! Gibbs! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION) MCGEE: Hey, Boss! TONY: Nice try, Probie. Power nap, Boss. Doorman at the Watergate hasn't seen Roca for the past two days. He's probably holed up inside their embassy. GIBBS: Take Ziva. Find out. You can't question him. TONY: Gonna be awful hard to get answers if I can't ask questions. GIBBS: DiNozzo, if it was easy, I would send Joe the Janitor. ZIVA: Customs hasn't checked his passport in the last twenty four hours. He's most likely still in country. MCGEE: Not for long. The Venezuelan Embassy booked a private jet this morning out of Loudoun County Airport. GIBBS: (BEAT) To leave when, McGee? MCGEE: Sorry. Ah, today. Simon Roca's name is listed as a passenger. GIBBS: We need to tie Roca to Lieutenant Hill's murder before he boards that plane. Go! Go! How do we prove the Lieutenant's death wasn't a suicide? ABBY: In a day? GIBBS: Abby, I think she was unconscious when it happened. ABBY: If Ducky can examine the brain tissue and send me a sample, I might be able to prove that. GIBBS: Yeah, do it. ABBY: Um... Ducky doesn't get in until noon. Do you want me to call him or do you want the pleasure? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS SEDAN - DAY ZIVA: You know, I've been thinking, Tony. Remember when we were locked in that container and you told me you used to take piano lessons? Well, I think you should start again. I could teach you. Who knows, maybe it could be fun. Tony! Ha. But I'm sure you'd make a lousy student anyway. TONY: (BEAT) Do it and die, Amadeus. ZIVA: I thought you were asleep. TONY: You thought wrong. I was meditating. ZIVA: About? TONY: When you said you were a screamer, you did mean... ZIVA: I did. Ooh, we've got company. (SFX: KNOCK ON WINDOW) LYON: This is a restricted zone. You can't park here. TONY: NCIS. We are looking for Venezuelan Protocol Officer Simon Roca. LYON: Ah, Don Juan. We give them nicknames. Helps relieve the boredom. People seem to think Secret Service is like Clint Eastwood, protecting the President. TONY: Yeah, in the Line of Fire. It's a good movie. LYON: Yeah, I wish it were that exciting. How do you like NCIS? TONY: It has its moments. LYON: Good hours? ZIVA: You asked on the wrong day. Is Roca in or not? LYON: As a matter of fact, he is, which is unusual. TONY: Why is that? LYON: I've been here over a year, Don Juan's never spent the night before. Day guy logged him in at eleven sixteen a.m. yesterday. TONY: Looks pretty refreshed to me. ZIVA: (V.O.) Who is that with him? LYON: That's Don Juan's driver. Looks like they're getting ready to go for a ride. TONY: All right, thanks. LYON: (V.O.) You bet. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs. TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Hey, Boss. Roca's inside the embassy.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) Looks like he's taking sanctuary until his flight. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Stay on station and set up a video link to MTAC. I want to know when he moves. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) On it. (TO ZIVA) You weren't planning on sleeping, were you?(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) ZIVA: Not unless you're planning on taking a shower anytime soon. TONY: What's that supposed to mean? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY JIMMY: I don't know about this, Abby. Doctor Mallard won't even let me sit in his chair without supervision. ABBY: That's because you mess with the height adjustments, Jimmy. You... can... do this. JIMMY: This is not a good idea. ABBY: We don't have time to wait for Ducky on this, okay? What comes first? The saw? JIMMY: Careful, okay? These are all in a very specific order. ABBY: Stop being so Palmer, Jimmy. JIMMY: All right. I will need a scalpel. ABBY: Jimmy, are you really going to do this, or am I? JIMMY: I'll do it. DUCKY: What exactly are you two doing? JIMMY: Oh, Doctor Mallard! I uh... um... the thing is, I... she made me do it! DUCKY: Well, everything seems to be in order. Why don't you begin, Mister Palmer, while I get changed? JIMMY: You're... you're not mad? DUCKY: Work cannot stop, Mister Palmer, because my mother's nurse elects to abandon us on a Saturday morning. I applaud your initiative. ABBY: So what'd you do with your mom? VICTORIA: Donald! You promised me we were going for a ride!(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) DUCKY: We did go for a ride, Mother. VICTORIA: Oh, well very well. You drive too fast, Donald. Is that our housekeeper? DUCKY: Mother, Mrs. Leary left for Ireland ten years ago. JIMMY: Hello, Mrs. Mallard! VICTORIA: Oh. Ask the boy to pour me a drink. DUCKY: We're not at home, Mother. And Jimmy is not a servant. VICTORIA: Very well. I shall do it myself. DUCKY: Abby, would you do me a favor? I mean, just until we finish? VICTORIA: Oh, have you seen.... ABBY: Of course. Mrs. Mallard? Would you like to see my mass spectrometer? VICTORIA: What a charming young lady. Of course I would, my dear. What is a mass speedometer? Does it move very fast? ABBY: Well...(SFX: DOORS SLIDE CLOSED) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS SEDAN - DAY TONY: Can I ask you a question? ZIVA: Yes. TONY: You really think I smell? ZIVA: I was just kidding. (SFX: FLATULENCE) TONY: What about now? ZIVA: You are disgusting. You do that again and I'll shoot you. Got it? Oh! TONY: Start the car. ZIVA: What good is that going to do when you're still in it?! (SFX: CAR ENGINE STARTS) TONY: It's Roca's car. ZIVA: (INTO RADIO) Gibbs, Roca's leaving. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - DAY MCGEE: Boss, the private jet he booked is refueled and standing by. The diplomat's car's considered foreign soil. It's as sovereign as the embassy. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAR - DAY TONY: What do we do? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - DAY GIBBS: Delay him. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CAR - MOVING TONY: Okay, here we go.(SFX: CAR TIRES SCREECH) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY VICTORIA: Hippopotamus amphibious. The river horse. I once swam with them while I was on safari in Kenya. Oh, dear. My apologies. (SFX: FLATULENCE) ABBY: Oh, no. That's Bert, the hippo. He's supposed to do that. VICTORIA: Really? How delightful! Reminds me of my bagpipe-playing days. Did you know that without those longshoremen tattoos and that dog collar, you are the exact spitting image of my sister Gloria?(SFX: FLATULENCE) ABBY: Thank you. VICTORIA: I hated her. She once tried to sleep with my late husband while he was still alive. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) DUCKY: Mother! I'm sure Abigail doesn't want to hear any more of our family troubles. ABBY: It's fine, Ducky. We're having a good time. DUCKY: Brain tissue. I need a full rundown on that. VICTORIA: Donald, did you sleep with her? DUCKY: Mother, please! VICTORIA: Honestly, it's about time I had some grandchildren. He isn't getting any younger. You need to move fast. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SEDAN - MOVING TONY: How exactly does Gibbs expect us to delay him? ZIVA: I have a plan. Buckle your seatbelt. TONY: What? ZIVA: Buckle. (MUSIC OVER ACTION) (SFX: TIRES SCREECH) TONY: Come on, look out! Look out! Look out! (MUSIC OVER ACTION) (SFX: CAR CRASH) ZIVA: (IN HEBREW) I'm really sorry. It's all my fault. ZIVA: (IN HEBREW) I'm really sorry. It's all my fault. (ZIVA AND TONY LOOK INSIDE THE CAR) (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. MTAC - DAY MCGEE: Boss, this was recorded five minutes ago. It looks like Roca managed to avoid Tony and Ziva. GIBBS: You think, McGee? MCGEE: His plane is scheduled to depart within the hour. I guess we can't win them all. I mean, he-- GIBBS: The plane hasn't left yet. Delay it. MCGEE: How exactly? GIBBS: Call the control tower. Tell them there's a possible security risk, make something up! MCGEE: Can we do that? GIBBS: I don't know, McGee! Can you? TECHNICIAN: Feed from the State Department is coming in, Sir. LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) What the hell were your people thinking, Agent Gibbs? That was a diplomatic vehicle they rammed. GIBBS: You told us that we couldn't question Roca. He wasn't in the vehicle. What's the problem? LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) You don't understand the implications this'll-- GIBBS: Are you worried about insurance? NCIS has excellent coverage. LEVINSON: You're straining an already tenuous situation... GIBBS: We both know that Roca is no diplomat. He's a foreign spy operating on American soil. LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) Then prove it! GIBBS: Give me permission to take him into custody. If it helps, tell your people that he may have documents vital to our national security. LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) All right. I'm going to start the paperwork from this end. GIBBS: How long? LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) If I fast track the request... maybe a week. MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Thank you very much. (TO GIBBS) Okay, I called the control tower, convinced them to re-screen all the passengers. It's uh... a small airport. It'll delay them an hour or two at the most. GIBBS: Roca is on a private jet right now. He's leaving the country. LEVINSON: (ON MONITOR) Well, then the best I can do is lodge a formal complaint with the embassy and bar him from returning to the States. GIBBS: He's not coming back, Levinson! He is getting away with murder. (SFX: WARNING HORNS/BUZZERS B.G.) TECHNICIAN: Someone's trying to gain access into MTAC with an unauthorized code, Sir! MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. CORRIDOR - DAY GIBBS: Hello? VICTORIA: This thing must be broken. I can't see anyone dancing in there. TECHNICIAN: Sir? GIBBS: We're clear. It's okay. TECHNICIAN: Should I get State back? (KNOCK ON DOOR) GIBBS: For what? Ah, Mrs. Mallard, are you looking for your son? VICTORIA: Young man, have we met before? GIBBS: Leroy Jethro Gibbs, Ma'am. VICTORIA: Of the Southampton Gibbses? GIBBS: Why don't we see if we can't find Doctor Mallard, all right? VICTORIA: You're very handsome, Matthew. Are you... are you married?(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE CLOSED) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY JIMMY: I'm so sorry, Doctor Mallard. I just turned my back for a second. DUCKY: Not to worry, Jimmy. I lose her all the time. JIMMY: She's really fast for her age. DUCKY: Yes, I'll call security. (SFX: ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE OPEN) VICTORIA: (V.O.) Yes, you may find it hard to believe, (ON CAMERA) but Donald was the cutest child. He had long, curly blond hair. Everybody thought he was a girl until he was twelve... when his voice changed. DUCKY: Mister Palmer, will you chain my mother to the chair while I tell Agent Gibbs what I found? VICTORIA: I'm still waiting for that drink, Leonard! DUCKY: I'm certain the shot to Lieutenant Hill's head was peri-mortem based on the lack of tissue reaction in her brain. When she was shot, she was unconscious. GIBBS: How'd she get that way? DUCKY: This is the Lieutenant's head and neck. The left superior carotid artery is narrowed. Restricted blood flow. GIBBS: Choke-hold. DUCKY: Slight pressure for ten seconds will render a victim unconscious and leaves no external bruising. I gave Abby some brain tissue samples to check for CO two levels. GIBBS: Any way to tie Roca to it? DUCKY: Well, he didn't leave any prints on her skin. There's a chance that some of the samples we took from her body could have his DNA. But then we don't have his DNA for comparison. And with diplomatic immunity? GIBBS: His plane leaves in two hours. Find me something. VICTORIA: Matthew, I'll be expecting your call. I can't remember my number, but you'll get it from Donald. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY MCGEE: I've tried everything. DORN: Yeah, it's encrypted, and we change the codes everyday. Can you extract anything that looks like a date? MCGEE: I can try. DORN: You know, Lieutenant Hill could barely drive her own car. I find it hard to believe that she could be a mole. MCGEE: That's probably why she was so successful at it. DORN: Yeah. Not exactly the way I wanted to end my Naval career. Asleep at the damn switch. GIBBS: What was on that do-dad thing? MCGEE: Can't tell yet, Boss. DORN: I need to get one of my people down here to decode it. Are you still holding Lieutenant Napleton? GIBBS: Yeah. DORN: Well, if you've cleared her, I could sure use her help. What? Do you think she's involved? GIBBS: We're investigating treason, Skipper. Right now I suspect everyone. DORN: Well, if Hill wasn't the mole, why'd she blow her brains out? GIBBS: She didn't. She had help. We found a fingerprint on that flash chip thing. Probably the person who did it. DORN: Napleton? TONY: The Protocol Officer from the Venezuelan embassy. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: Before you ask? No, I haven't found any physical evidence linking Simon Roca to the Lieutenant's murder yet. GIBBS: That can wait, Abs. I need you to do something else for me. It'll only take a few minutes. ABBY: I could go faster if I had another one of these. GIBBS: Too much caffeine is not good for you, Abby. I need you to check this cereal box for GSR. ABBY: Why? GIBBS: Because I don't think Lieutenant Hill put the chip in there. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY ZIVA: I'm begging you, please. TONY: No. No way. I don't care how nice you are, how much you bribe me, or how much you threaten me. I'm not filling out the paperwork. ZIVA: It's not the filing of the accident report I object to. I'd prefer if you said you were driving the car. TONY: Well, that would be lying, and lying is bad. ZIVA: (SHOUTS) Will you just listen to me!? TONY: (BEAT) I'm listening. ZIVA: You're right. I'm sorry. I've been at NCIS for a short while. And it would look very bad to have another accident in my dossier. TONY: Another accident? ZIVA: I've had some... difficulties. TONY: Some indicates more than one. How many? ZIVA: Is that really important? (BEAT) Three. But the second was not my fault. Now are you going to help me? Yes or no? TONY: Well, that depends. What's in it for me? ZIVA: Hm. (LONG BEAT) Anything you want. TONY: Anything? GIBBS: Hey! Button your shirt. TONY: Hey boss, she came into my space and then she... GIBBS: (OVERLAP) I don't care. Roca's at the damn airport. TONY: Yeah, that's my fault, Boss. I take full responsibility. I shouldn't have let Ziva drive. GIBBS: It doesn't fit. TONY: I know. I talked to my tailor about that. He says the double pointed bespoke tailoring is... but you mean Simon Roca. GIBBS: He's got diplomatic immunity, DiNozzo. He knows we can't stop him from leaving this country. ZIVA: So why the shell game with his car? In fact, how did he even know we were on to him? (PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs. On my way. (GIBBS HITS TONY) TONY: What was that for? GIBBS: Blackmailing your partner. MCGEE: Boss, the flashcard data is too corrupted to read. DORN: I'm going to take a copy back to the Pentagon and have my people-- GIBBS: It's too late. Our "person of interest" just got clearance for take off. You want to see the guy who killed your Lieutenant get away? Come on. (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS WALKS TO THE STAIRS) ABBY: Gibbs, come here! You were right! GIBBS: DiNozzo! David! McGee! You waiting for an invitation? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MTAC - DAY DORN: Just like that? He gets a free pass? MCGEE: When a foreign diplomat is accused of espionage, all we can do is ask him to leave the country. GIBBS: Roca's doing it on his own. DORN: Yeah, but if he could walk at any time, why did he murder my Lieutenant? ZIVA: Without her testimony? Hard to prove a case against him. DORN: So ... so that's it? There's nothing we can do? GIBBS: No, I didn't say that, Skip. We can still arrest her murderer. Outside of my team, only two people know how Lieutenant Hill died. Napleton and the person who killed her. How'd you know she shot herself? DORN: Uh... uh... Napleton told me. GIBBS: No, she's been in isolation since she found out. MCGEE: And you were the one who told us about the missing flashcard. ZIVA: The only thing tying Roca to the case? Convenient, yes? TONY: Holing up inside the embassy, huh? Booking private planes? You wanted us to focus on Roca. DORN: But Lieutenant Hill stole that flashcard! GIBBS: There was gunshot residue on the outside of the cereal box we found it in. The flashcard was put there by the killer after he shot her. She was framed. DORN: No. Napleton. Napleton could have-- GIBBS: Her alibi checked out, Dorn. ZIVA: I'm impressed. The diplomat takes the blame. We get our mole. And your cover remains intact, Captain. I'll have to remember that one. TONY: You could just rent No Way Out. GIBBS: I'll take it from here. You three go home. Get some rest. Good job. (TO DORN) That resignation you offered the Admiral earlier, I've got a feeling he's going to accept it. (FADE OUT)

A Navy Lieutenant working at the Pentagon's cryptography department is found dead in her home, having seemingly committed suicide by shooting herself in the head. However, Abby later discovers that there was someone else with the Lt. when she died and as such, the team attempt to find her killer while also searching for the mole. When evidence links the Lt. to a Venezuelan diplomat Simon Roca, the team must find a way around the red tape in order to find out what really happened. While they race against time to tie Roca to the Lt., Ducky is held up by his mother, who is suffering from dementia.

fd_Doctor_Who_06x08

fd_Doctor_Who_06x08_0

Recap of the first half of the series EXT. CORN FIELD, DAY Birds are singing and suddenly a Mini drives through the stalks. INT. MORRIS MINI, DAY AMY is holding what appears to be a map and gives directions to RORY. AMY: OK, left, sharp turn! EXT. CORN FIELD, DAY RORY turns and they cross a previous path. INT. MORRIS MINI, DAY AMY: OK, right! No, no, no I mean left. (turns the map around) No, sorry right, right! I definitely meant right. EXT. CORN FIELD, DAY RORY continues driving. INT. MORRIS MINI, DAY AMY: Now loop the loop! EXT. CORN FIELD, DAY RORY drives. INT. MORRIS MINI, DAY AMY: Stop! Stop! RORY slams on the brakes. EXT. CORN FIELD, DAY AMY and RORY get out of the car to see the DOCTOR and the TARDIS in the middle of the crop circle they just made. The DOCTOR holds up the Leadworth paper with a headline that reads "Leadworth's Crop Circle". DOCTOR: Seriously? The camera pulls upwards and we get an aerial view of the field. The "circle" reads "Doctor". RORY: You never answer your phone. (closes car door) AMY: (walks to the DOCTOR) OK, you've had all summer. Have you found her? Have you found Melody? DOCTOR: (hands RORY the paper) Permission? RORY: Granted. DOCTOR: (hugs AMY) You know who she grows up to be, so you know I WILL find her. AMY: (ends the hug) But you haven't yet? RORY: Hang on, what's this bit? The picture in the newspaper shows an extra line through the word. AMY: That wasn't us. The DOCTOR grabs the paper from RORY and tries to locate where it would be. The DOCTOR stops and lowers the paper, AMY and RORY standing behind him, as they hear an engine and see a red Corvette coming straight at them. They scream and dive out of the way. The car stops, inches away from the TARDIS. A young black woman steps out of the car. AMY and RORY stand and the DOCTOR is lying on the ground at her feet. WOMAN: You said he was funny, you never said he was hot. RORY: Mels? AMY: What are you doing here? MELS: Following you, what do you think? The DOCTOR uses the car to stand up. RORY: Um, where did you get the car? MELS: It's mine... Police sirens wail in the distance. MELS: ..ish. AMY: Oh, Mels, not again? RORY: You can't keep doing this. You'll end up in prison. DOCTOR: Sorry, hello, Doctor not following this. Doctor very lost. You never said I was hot?! MELS: (points at the TARDIS) Is that the phone box! The bigger-on-the-inside phone box? (caresses the TARDIS) Time travel - that's just brilliant. The DOCTOR leans against the TARDIS next to MELS. MELS: Yeah, I've heard a lot about you. I'm their best mate. DOCTOR: Then why don't I know you? I danced with everyone at the wedding. The women were all brilliant, the men were a bit shy. MELS: I don't do weddings. The police sirens sound closer. MELS: And that's me out of time. (pulls a gun on the Doctor) AMY: Mels! RORY: For God's sake! AMY: What are you doing? MELS: I need out of here, now! DOCTOR: Anywhere in particular? MELS: Well, let's see! You've got a time machine, I've got a gun. What the hell - let's kill Hitler. [SCENE_BREAK] Matt Smith Karen Gillan Arthur Darvil "Let's Kill Hitler" by Steven Moffat Producer Marcus Wilson Director Richard Senior [SCENE_BREAK] A LONG TIME AGO IN LEADWORTH.... INT. AMELIA'S BEDROOM, DAY AMELIA is going through her box of Raggedy Doctor crafts as MELS watches. MELS: Is he hot? AMELIA: No, he's funny. MELS: But how can he travel in time? AMELIA: Because he's got a time machine, stupid! RORY enters the room. RORY: I thought we were playing hide and seek. I've been hiding for hours! AMELIA: Well, we just haven't found you yet! RORY: OK. Hi, Mels. MELS: Hi, Rory. RORY leaves. INT. CLASSROOM, DAY MELS is standing as she is questioned by the teacher. TEACHER: Mels, did you not understand the question? I'm asking you why the Titanic sank. MELS: Because the DOCTOR didn't save it. Except you don't know about the Doctor because you're stupid! INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY, DAY MELS exits the Head Teacher's office. AMELIA is waiting and follows. EXT. SCHOOL PLAYGROUND, DAY AMELIA questions MELS as they walk through the playground. AMELIA: Why are you always in trouble? You're the most in trouble in the whole school, except for boys. MELS: And you. AMELIA: I count as a boy. They walk past a blindfolded RORY. RORY: Am I getting warm? AMELIA: Yes, Rory. INT. CLASSROOM, DAY MELS and AMY are now teenagers. MELS is standing being questioned by another teacher. TEACHER: Mels? MELS: A significant factor in Hitler's rise to power was the fact that the Doctor didn't stop him. INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY, DAY MELS exits the Head Teacher's office. AMY is waiting and follows. AMY: I can't keep doing this! INT. POLICE STATION, HALL, DAY MELS is released from her cell and AMY is waiting. AMY: Mels! (runs after her) INT. AMY'S BEDROOM, DAY MELS flops on the bed and picks up the toy TARDIS. RORY is sitting in a chair and AMY paces. MELS: It was late, I took a bus. RORY: No, you stole a bus. AMY: Who steals a BUS? MELS: I returned it. RORY: You drove it through the botanical garden. MELS: Shortcut. AMY: Why can't you just act like a person? Like a normal LEGAL person? MELS: I don't know, maybe I need a Doctor. AMY: (takes the TARDIS) Stop it! RORY: Er... I'd better go, I'm on earlies tomorrow. (packs schoolwork into bag and stands) MELS: It's all right for you. You've got Mr Perfect keeping you right. AMY: He's not even real. Just a stupid dream when I was a kid. (tosses the TARDIS to MELS) MELS: I wasn't talking about him. (looks at RORY as he opens the door) AMY: What, Rory? How have I GOT Rory? RORY: (stops at his name and turns) Yeah, how... how's she got me? AMY: He's not mine. RORY: No. No, I'm not hers. MELS: Oh, come on! Seriously, it's got to be you two. Oh, cut to the song, it's getting boring. AMY: Nice thought, OK? But completely impossible. RORY: (looks hurt) Yeah, impossible! AMY: I mean, I'd love to, he's gorgeous, he's my favourite guy, (pats him on the back) but he's, you know? RORY: A friend. AMY: Gay. RORY: (looks at AMY) I'm not gay. AMY: Yes, you are. RORY: No. No, I'm not. AMY: Course you are, don't be stupid! MELS watches from the bed, amused. AMY: In the time I've known you, when've you shown the slightest interest in a GIRL? MELS: (softly) Penny in the air! AMY: I've known you for, what, 10 years? I've seen you practically every day. Name one girl you've paid the SLIGHTEST bit of attention to? RORY can't answer and runs from the room. AMY: (realizes) Oh, my God! Rory! (runs after him) MELS: And the penny drops! (gets up) AMY: (distant) Rory! MELS: Catch you later, Time Boy! (tosses the TARDIS into the air) EXT. DAY Above the cornfield, the TARDIS spins out of control. There is a gunshot. DOCTOR: (V.O.) You've shot it! INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR is staring at a bullet hole in the time-rotor casing. AMY, RORY are clinging to the console and MELs is hanging onto the railing. DOCTOR: You shot my TARDIS! You shot the console! MELS: It's your fault! DOCTOR: Argh! How's it my fault?! MELS: You said guns didn't work in this place. You said we're in a state of temporal grace. DOCTOR: (frantically works the controls)That was a clever lie, you idiot! Anyone could tell that was a clever lie! EXT. DAY The TARDIS continues to spin out of control and AMY screams. EXT. REICH CHANCELLERY, BERLIN 1938, DAY The imposing façade is adorned with a stylized eagle, wings outstretched, above a wreath inside which is a swastika. To either side of the main entrance are large, draping red banners bearing the black swastika within a white circle. A general, ZIMMERMAN, enters the building. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, CORRIDOR, DAY ZIMMERMAN strides down the hall past a janitor mopping the floor. The JANITOR stops and turns his head slowly and we hear mechanical whirring. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY We see the OFFICER from the JANITOR'S POV as seen through a viewscreen. A computer scans him. The Captain, CARTER, watches. CARTER: OK, we like him. A female crewmember, ANITA listens to her headset. ANITA: Costume want to know about the suit. CARTER: Colour, shape, nothing detachable. Another crewmember, JIM, enters the bridge and heads to his station. JIM: Musculature good to go. CARTER: That was quick. JIM: Showing off. Art department want to talk skin tone. An older woman, HARRIET, enters the bridge. HARRIET: Yes, I do. I don't trust sensors, I want to take a look myself. JIM: We're in a hurry, we're not trying to win an award. HARRIET: That's what you said when we made Rasputin green! CARTER: OK, get your fat one up there. Run! HARRIET: Yes, Captain. (leaves) CARTER: (sits in command chair) Harriet's going to eyeball. Everyone else, good to go, please! INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, ZIMMERMAN'S OFFICE, DAY ZIMMERMAN is standing at his file cabinet looking through a file as the door opens and the JANITOR enters and closes the door behind him. ZIMMERMAN: What do you want? The JANITOR walks forward until he is face-to-face with ZIMMERMAN. ZIMMERMAN: What are you doing? INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY ANITA: Musculature on line. JIM: Five foot 11, confirmed. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, ZIMMERMAN'S OFFICE, DAY The JANITOR grows until he is the same height as ZIMMERMAN. ZIMMERMAN stares, stunned. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER reaches up and grabs a microphone. CARTER: Harriet, are you up there yet? INT. SHIP, LIFT, DAY HARRIET stands in the lift. Just as the doors are about to open, the light on her wristlet changes from green to red and alarms begin to sound. The doors slide open. AUTOMATED VOICE: Welcome. You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: Harriet, have you updated your privileges? INT. SHIP, LIFT, DAY HARRIET: Yes, of course I have! (presses buttons on wristlet until the light changes back to green) Look, I'm staff, see? Look, staff! AUTOMATED VOICE: You are authorised. Your existence will continue. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, ZIMMERMAN'S OFFICE, DAY ZIMMERMAN: I don't understand. The JANITOR'S clothes change to ZIMMERMAN'S uniform like scales flipping over all the way down his body. INT. SHIP, CORRIDOR, DAY HARRIET runs along the hallway. CARTER: (over radio) Harriet, shift! HARRIET: (into radio) Five seconds to eyeball. HARRIET reaches the end of the corridor and opens an iris by pressing her hand on a panel. She looks out. HARRIET: Shades 44 to 89, peaking at 60. Standard density. He's sweating a bit, so compensate. The camera pulls out and we see that HARRIET is literally looking out of the JANITOR'S eye. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, ZIMMERMAN'S OFFICE, DAY ZIMMERMAN: Wh-What are you? INT. SHIP, CORRIDOR, DAY The iris closes behind HARRIET and we see her walk slowly back. There are a number of corridors-which are more like enclosed catwalks-at different levels. CARTER: (over radio) All hands, prepare for tessellation. Prepare for tessellation. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, ZIMMERMAN'S OFFICE, DAY The JANITOR'S face changes to a duplicate of ZIMMERMAN. ZIMMERMAN gasps and falls back against the cabinet. The duplicate reaches out a hand and takes his glasses putting them on its own face. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: OK, clean up. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, ZIMMERMAN'S OFFICE, DAY A beam of light shoots out from the duplicate's right eye, miniaturizing ZIMMERMAN. INT. SHIP, CORRIDOR, DAY ZIMMERMAN falls to the floor just inside the iris. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY The crew watches ZIMMERMAN on a monitor. CARTER: Who is he? ANITA: Eric Zimmerman. Loyal member of the Nazi Party, guilty of Category Three hate crimes. CARTER: Well, then. Leave him to the Antibodies. INT. SHIP, CORRIDOR, DAY ZIMMERMAN stands. His vision is blurry without his glasses. He slowly walks forward. There is an electronic buzzing as something rises from the floor behind him. ZIMMERMAN slowly turns around and sees what looks like a metallic jellyfish complete with dangling tentacles floating towards him. It is an ANTIBODY. ANTIBODY: Welcome. You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented. ZIMMERMAN runs and is confronted by another ANTIBODY. ANTIBODY: Welcome. You will experience a tingling sensation and then death. ZIMMERMAN tries another corridor. ANTIBODY: Remain calm while your life is extracted. ZIMMERMAN screams as the tentacles reach out for him and he disappears. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY The DUPLICATE ZIMMERMAN enters a large wood-panelled office and shuts the door. We only see the man at the desk from behind. MAN: What do you want? Who let you in here? The DUPLICATE walks forward. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY Inside, everything shakes and CARTER'S mug falls to the floor. CARTER: What's wrong with the shock absorbers? JIM: Problem in the knees. CARTER: Let's hope we don't have to run. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY DUPLICATE: Do not call for help. This room has been sound screened. You have been found guilty. Justice mode activating. The DUPLICATE opens his mouth and a beam of light wraps the man at the desk who cries out in pain. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY JIM: Hang on! This is 1938. We're too early, we need to go later in his time stream. ANITA: Something else! We've got incoming! CARTER: On screen! INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY The DUPLICATE closes his mouth and turns to the window. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: What the hell is that? INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY The TARDIS bursts through the window, knocking the duplicate to the floor. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY Sparks fly as they reel from being knocked over by the TARDIS. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY The TARDIS bursts through the window, knocking the duplicate to the floor. The DOCTOR exits the TARDIS followed by RORY, AMY and MELS. All are coughing from the smoke. DOCTOR: Out, out, out! Everybody out. Don't breathe the smoke, just get out! AMY: Where are we? DOCTOR: A room. RORY: What room? DOCTOR: I don't know! I haven't memorized every room in the universe. I had yesterday off. (sees MELS standing at the open TARDIS door) Mels, don't go in there! (takes her gun) MELS: Oi! DOCTOR: Bad smoke! Don't breathe the bad, bad, smoke. Bad, deadly smoke, because somebody shot my TARDIS! RORY: (sees the DUPLICATE on the floor) Doctor, this guy, I think he's hurt. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: Transmit normal life signs! JIM: Artificial gravity holding. We should get upright when we can. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY RORY: No, hang on. No, he's... he's fine. The DOCTOR doesn't know what to do with the gun. He finally puts in in a fruit bowl on the desk. The MAN who was attacked climbs up from behind the desk. DOCTOR: Ooh, hello! Sorry, is this your office? Had a sort of collision with my vehicle. Faults on both sides, let's say no more about...(the MAN turns around and the DOCTOR sees who it is) ...it. AMY and RORY come up beside the DOCTOR. AMY: Is that...? No, it can't be, Doctor? HITLER: Thank you. Whoever you are, I think you have just saved my life. DOCTOR: Believe me... it was an accident. HITLER: (sees the TARDIS) What is this thing? (walks to it) AMY: What did he mean we saved his life? We could not have saved Hitler. DOCTOR: You see? You see, time travel, it never goes to plan. HITLER: This box, what is it? DOCTOR: (walks toward HITLER) It's a police telephone box from London, England. That's right, Adolf, the British are coming! Behind the DOCTOR, the DUPLICATE stands. HITLER: No, stop him! (pulls his gun and fires at the DUPLICATE) INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY More sparks as they suffer from the impact of bullets. CARTER: Damage report! Damage report! INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY RORY punches HITLER on the chin, knocking him to the floor. RORY picks up the gun and aims it at HITLER. RORY: Sit still, shut up. HITLER puts his hands up. AMY helps the DUPLICATE. AMY: Are you OK? DUPLICATE: Yes, yes. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER speaks into a special microphone and his words are echoed by the DUPLICATE. CARTER: Yes. I'm fine. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY DUPLICATE: I think he missed. HITLER: He was going to kill me. RORY: Shut up, Hitler! DOCTOR: Rory, take Hitler and put him in that cupboard over there now. Do it! RORY: Right, putting Hitler in the cupboard. Cupboard, Hitler. Hitler, cupboard. (pulls HITLER to his feet)Come on. HITLER: But I am the Fuhrer! RORY: Right, in you go! (shoves him into the cupboard) HITLER: Who are you? RORY closes the door. The DOCTOR studies the DUPLICATE. DOCTOR: Are you OK? INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY They watch the DOCTOR on screen as he peers at the DUPLICATE'S face. ANITA: Sir, what do we do now? JIM: Suggestion: we should go into surveillance mode. CARTER: Agreed. Let's faint. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY DUPLICATE: Oh, I... (falls backwards in a faint) RORY: I think he just fainted. DOCTOR: Yes, that was a faint. A perfect faint. AMY: (notices MELS has a hand on her stomach) Mels? MELS: Hitler... DOCTOR: What about him? MELS: Lousy shot. (falls to the floor) All three run over to MELS. AMY: Mels! Mels! DOCTOR: Rory! RORY: No, no, no! I've got to stop the bleeding! INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY JIM: Sir, that blue box... I've got a match. (the screen shows information about the TARDIS) We're trying to bag war criminals, we've got the biggest one ever right under our noses. Forget Hitler. We take this one down, the Justice Department will give us the rest of the year off. CARTER: Are you sure? JIM: There's no question. (looks at CARTER) It's her. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY AMY is stroking MELS' hair as RORY tries to stop the bleeding. AMY: How bad is it? Rory, what can we do? RORY: Just keep her conscious! Stay with us, Mels. DOCTOR: Hey, look at me. Just hold on. MELS: I used to dream about you. All those stories Amy told me. DOCTOR: What stories? Tell me what stories. Vampires in Venice, that's a belter. MELS: When I was little, I was going to marry you. DOCTOR: Good idea, let's get married. You live and I'll marry you, deal? Deal? MELS: Shouldn't you ask my parents permission? DOCTOR: Soon as you're well, I'll get on the phone. MELS: Might as well do it now, since they're both right here. The DOCTOR, AMY and RORY exchange glances. MELS: Penny in the air. The DOCTOR stands as MELS begins to glow with regeneration energy. MELS: Penny drops! RORY: What the hell's going on? DOCTOR: (grabs AMY and RORY, pulling them away) Back! Back! Back! Get back! MELS: (stands) Last time I did this, I ended up a toddler in the middle of New York. The DOCTOR, AMY and RORY are standing against the desk. AMY: OK, Doctor, explain what is happening? Please! DOCTOR: Mels. Short for..? MELS: Melody. AMY: Yeah, I named my daughter after her. DOCTOR: You named your daughter... after your daughter. MELS: Took me years to find you two. I'm so glad I did. And, you see, it all worked out in the end, didn't it? You got to raise me after all. AMY: You're Melody? RORY: But if she's Melody, that means she's also... MELS: Oh, shut up, Dad! I'm focussing on a dress size. MELS gives in to the regeneration and screams as the change takes place. When it is over, she is in the now-familiar form of RIVER SONG-though she doesn't know it. She pants as she regains her breathing and becomes familiar with her new body. MELODY: Right, let's see, then. Ooh, it's all going on down there, isn't it? The hair! (runs to a mirror) Oh! The hair, it just doesn't stop, does it? Look at that! Everything changes! Oh, but I love it, I love it!(faces the others) I'm all sort of... mature! (puts her foot on a piece of furniture, attempting to look seductive) Hello, Benjamin! DOCTOR: (covers his eyes briefly)(to AMY) Who's Benjamin? MELODY: The teeth!(looks back in the mirror) The teeth, the teeth! (runs to the others) Oh, look at them! (forces herself on the DOCTOR) Watch out! That bow tie! Excuse me, you lot, I need to weigh myself! (runs to the restroom) The DOCTOR, AMY and RORY sit on the edge of the desk, stunned. AMY: That's Melody? RORY: That's River Song. MELODY stands in the doorway. MELODY: Who's River Song? They turn to look at her. DOCTOR: Spoilers. MELODY: Spoilers? What's spoilers? Hang on, just something I have to check! (runs back into the other room) RORY: Is anybody else finding today just a bit difficult? I'm getting a sort of banging in my head. AMY: Yeah, I think that's Hitler in the cupboard. RORY: That's not helping. The DOCTOR stands and walks across the room. AMY and RORY join him. DOCTOR: This isn't the River Song we know yet. This is her right at the start. Doesn't even know her name. MELODY: (O.C.) Ah, that's magnificent! They turn to see her leaning with her hand against the door jamb MELODY: I'm going to wear LOTS of jodhpurs! INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: That's her, all right. Melody Pond...the woman who kills the Doctor. INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY MELODY: Well, now, enough of all that! (pulls a gun and aims It at the DOCTOR) Down to business. DOCTOR: Oh, hello. I thought we were getting married. MELODY: (walks towards them) I told you, I'm not a wedding person. RORY: Doctor, what's she doing? DOCTOR: What she's programmed to. RORY: Where'd she get the gun? DOCTOR: Hello, Benjamin. [SCENE_BREAK] We flash back to MELODY standing by the chair when she said "Hello, Benjamin". She reaches back and takes the gun from the seat of the chair. [SCENE_BREAK] MELODY: You noticed! MELODY fires but the chambers are empty. DOCTOR: Of course I noticed. [SCENE_BREAK] While MELS is regenerating, the DOCTOR "falls" by the chair, sees the gun and removes the bullets. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: (walks forward) As soon as I knew you were coming, I tidied up a bit. MELODY: (tosses the gun away) I know you did.(reaches into her vest) [SCENE_BREAK] When MELODY pressed herself against the DOCTOR, she took the gun from the fruit bowl. [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: I know you know. [SCENE_BREAK] The DOCTOR spins the fruit bowl around so MELODY actually grabs a banana. [SCENE_BREAK] MELODY pulls out the banana thinking it's a gun. MELODY: Goodness, is killing you going to take all day? DOCTOR: Why? (takes the banana) Are you busy? MELODY: Oh, I'm not complaining. MELODY takes the letter opener from HITLER'S desk and swipes at the DOCTOR. The DOCTOR uses the sonic to make her drop it. DOCTOR: If you were in a hurry, you could've killed me in the cornfield. MELODY: We'd only just met. I'm a psychopath. I'm not rude. MELODY takes the gun from the fruit bowl and fires. The DOCTOR holds up the clip and blows on it. AMY: You were not a psychopath! Why would she be a psychopath? MELODY and the DOCTOR circle each other. MELODY: Oh, Mummy, Mummy, pay attention. I was trained and conditioned for one purpose. I was born to kill the Doctor. DOCTOR: Demons Run, remember? This is what they were building, my bespoke psychopath. MELODY and the DOCTOR end up face-to-face. MELODY: I'm all yours, sweetie. (kisses him) DOCTOR: Only River Song gets to call me that. MELODY: And who is River Song? DOCTOR: An old friend of mine. MELODY: Stupid name. MELODY walks to the window. MELODY: Oh, look at that! (steps onto the sill) Berlin on the eve of war. A whole world about to tear itself apart. (turns back) Now that's my kind of town. Mum, Dad, don't follow me. And, yes, that is a warning. DOCTOR: No warning for me, then? MELODY: No need, my love. The deed is done and so are you. The DOCTOR'S legs wobble and RORY and AMY hold him up. He grips his chest in pain. AMY: Doctor, what's wrong? DOCTOR: What have you done? River! MELODY: Oh, River, River, River! More than a friend, I think. DOCTOR: What have you done?!(collapses) MELODY: It was never going to be a gun for you, Doctor, the man of peace who understands every kind of warfare, except, perhaps, the cruellest. The DOCTOR rubs a finger against his lips and recalls the kiss. MELODY: Kiss, kiss.(blows a kiss and jumps outside) RORY: What's wrong with you? What's she done to you? DOCTOR: Poisoned me... but I'm fine. Well, no, I'm dying, but I've got a plan. AMY: What plan? The DOCTOR, AMY and RORY are standing against the desk. DOCTOR: (groans) I'm not dying. See, fine! INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY ANITA: Scanning him. He's dying all right. JIM: But he can't be. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY The DOCTOR groans as AMY and RORY help him stand. RORY: OK, what do we do? How do we help you? DOCTOR: Take this! The TARDIS can home in on it. (hands AMY the sonic) Now, go, get after her! (pushes RORY towards the window) RORY looks out the window down to the street and sees MELODY approach a group of soldiers. EXT. BERLIN STREET, DAY MELODY strides confidently towards the soldiers. SOLDIER 1: Hey was machen sie hier? (Hey what are you doing here?) SOLDIER 2: Halt! Five soldiers aim their rifles at MELODY and the OFFICER aims his automatic. MELODY: Hello, boys! INT. REICH CHANCELLERY, OFFICE, DAY AMY helps the DOCTOR to the TARDIS. AMY: You said the smoke was deadly. DOCTOR: The smoke's fine. The poison will kill me first. Now, get after River! AMY: I don't understand, OK? One minute she's going to marry you and then kill you. DOCTOR: Ah, well, she's been brainwashed, it makes sense to her. Plus, she is a woman. Oh, shut up, I'm dying. (enters the TARDIS) INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR enters the smoke-filled TARDIS and leans heavily against the door. DOCTOR: Extractor fans on! The fans suck the smoke away. DOCTOR: Oh! That works! (hurries to the console) EXT. BERLIN STREET, DAY OFFICER: What are you doing here? MELODY: Well, I was off to this gay Gypsy bar mitzvah for the disabled, when I thought, "Gosh, the Third Reich's a bit rubbish, I think I'll kill the Fuhrer." Who's with me? OFFICER: Shoot her. The OFFICER walks behind the line of soldiers. RORY watches from his hiding place. RORY: No! The soldiers fire. The camera switches from RORY back to MELODY who is hugging herself. She lifts her head and smiles. MELODY: Tip for you all...never shoot a girl while she's regenerating. MELODY uses regeneration energy on the soldiers, throwing them backwards and knocking them unconscious. She laughs. MELODY: Ah! Now, that hit the spot. MELODY takes a couple of machine guns and climbs onto a motorcycle. MELODY: Thanks, boys! AMY climbs down and joins RORY who holds her back. MELODY: Call me. AMY: What are you doing? MELODY: New body, new town. I'm going shopping! (rides off) A SOLDIER comes through the gate behind them on a motorcycle. He stops and RORY tries to explain. RORY: Look, I know how this looks, but let me explain everything from the beginning. (sees the SOLDIER reaching for his holster) Heil! (salutes) SOLDIER: Heil! (returns the salute) RORY punches the SOLDIER, knocking him down. He then climbs on the motorcycle. RORY: Come on! AMY: (climbs on behind him) Can you ride a motorbike? RORY: I expect so. It's that sort of day. AMY and RORY drive off and the SOLDIER stands. CARTER: (V.O.) OK, INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: this time let's do the bike, too. EXT. BERLIN STREET, DAY The SOLDIER sits down on a motorcycle and drives off after AMY and RORY. INT. SHIP, BRIDGE, DAY JIM: You see, he can't be dying. CARTER: But the Doctor is confirmed deceased. We have his records. JIM: But he doesn't die here. He dies in Utah, by Lake Silencio, April the 22nd, 2011. ANITA: Time can be rewritten. Remember Kennedy? JIM: This can't. It's a confirmed fixed point. The Doctor must always die exactly then. He always has and he always will. CARTER: Then someone's screwed up because he's dying right now. INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR falls to the floor at the base of the console. DOCTOR: I'm shutting down. (sits against the rail) Going to need an interface. Voice interface. Come on, emergency. The INTERFACE appears as a hologram of himself. INTERFACE: Voice interface enabled. DOCTOR: Oh, no, no, no, no! Give me someone I like. (appears as Rose) Oh, thanks! Give me guilt! (Martha) Also guilt! (Donna) More guilt. Come on, there must be someone left in the universe I haven't screwed up yet. We hear the INTERFACE change and then it speaks in a young voice. INTERFACE: Voice interface enabled. DOCTOR: (looks up) Oh! Oh, Amelia Pond before I got it all wrong. My sweet little Amelia. INTERFACE: I am not Amelia Pond. I am a voice interface. DOCTOR: Hey, let's run away and have adventures. Come along, Pond. INTERFACE: I am not Amelia Pond. I am a voice interface. DOCTOR: You are SO Scottish. How am I doing? INTERFACE: Your system has been contaminated by the poison of the Judas tree. You will be dead in 32 minutes. DOCTOR: OK, so, basically better regenerate, that's what you're saying? INTERFACE: Regeneration disabled. You will be dead in 32 minutes. DOCTOR: Unless I'm cured, yeah? INTERFACE: There is no cure. You will be dead in 32 minutes. DOCTOR: Why do you keep saying that? INTERFACE: Because you will be dead in 32 minutes. DOCTOR: You see, there you go again. Basically skipping 31 whole minutes when I'm absolutely fine. Scottish, that's all I'm saying. INTERFACE: You will be fine for 31 minutes. You will be dead in 32 minutes. DOCTOR: Scotland's never conquered anywhere. Not even a Shetland. River needs me. She's only just beginning, I can't die now. INTERFACE: You will not die now. You will die in 32 minutes. DOCTOR: I'm going out in the first round. Ringing any bells? (cries in pain and falls face-down on the floor) OK, need something for the pain now. Come on, Amelia. It's me. Please. INTERFACE: I am not Amelia Pond. I am a voice interface. DOCTOR: Amelia, listen to me... I can be brave for you but you have got to tell me how. INTERFACE: I am not Amelia Pond. I am a voice interface. DOCTOR: Amelia... Amelia, please... (closes eyes) INTERFACE: Fish fingers and custard. DOCTOR: (opens eyes) What did you say? (smiles) Fish fingers and custard! (laughs) Oh, Amelia Pond. Fish fingers and custard! (pushes himself off the floor and uses the console to pull himself up) Fish... fingers... and... CUSTARD! He DOCTOR activates the TARDIS. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY While a string quartet plays Pachelbel's "Canon in D", ladies and gentlemen dine on fine food and wine. The atmosphere is broken by machine gun fire. The women scream and every ducks behind tables. MELODY enters, machine guns pointed at the ceiling. MELODY: Ladies and gentleman... I don't have a thing to wear. (aims the guns) Take off your clothes. EXT. BERLIN STREET, DAY RORY and AMY pull up outside an impressive building. RORY: OK, all of Berlin, how do we find her? AMY: I don't know. Look for clues. RORY: Clues? What kind of clues?! AMY: Shut up... At that moment, the doors of the building open and the restaurant clientele come running out in their under garments. RORY: OK. RORY and AMY turn around at the sound of a motorcycle and see a DUPLICATE AMY riding it. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY MELODY is trying on various pieces of clothing in front of a mirror. MELODY: Now, look at that! Now that's fun... from EVERY angle! AMY opens the doors and runs in. MELODY: Now, dear, I told you not to follow me. AMY walks forward, face cold. INT. SHIP, CORRIDOR, DAY AMY and RORY get up off the floor. RORY: OK. OK, I am trapped inside a giant robot replica of my wife. I'm really trying not to see this as a metaphor. AMY: How can we be in here? RORY: Umm... AMY: How do we fit? RORY: Miniaturisation ray. AMY: How would you know that? RORY: Well, there was a ray and we were miniaturised. AMY: All right. There is an electronic buzzing as an ANTIBODY rises from the floor. ANTIBODY: Welcome. You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented. AMY: Um... what's that? RORY: Er, I don't know, it's in YOUR head. ANTIBODY: Please remain calm while your life is terminated. AMY and RORY back away from the ANTIBODY. AMY: We come in peace! RORY: When has that ever worked? AMY: Oh, shut up! The other corridors are blocked by more ANTIBODIES. ANTIBODY: Please co-operate in your officially sanctioned termination. It is normal to experience fear during your incineration. They are backed against a wall. AMY pulls out the sonic. AMY: Stop or I sonic. RORY: What are you doing? AMY: I don't know. RORY: Psychic interface, just point and think. AMY: I know, but what do I think? RORY: I don't know! Electricity crackles as the ANTIBODIES get closer. The door behind AMY and RORY slides open and JIM is there. He slips the green light devices on their wrists. JIM: It's OK. Stay still and don't move. Privileges activated. See? Activated. (holds their arms up for the ANTIBODIES to see) ANTIBODY: You are authorised. Your existence will continue. (leave) JIM: You can put your hands down. This is Justice Department Vehicle 6018. You're not guilty of anything. Welcome aboard the Teselecta. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY MELODY has an officer's uniform jacket on over her other clothes. MELODY: I might take the age down a little, just gradually, to freak people out. TESELECTA AMY: You killed the Doctor. MELODY: Oh, yes, I know, dear. I hope you're not going to keep on about it. (puts on officer's cap) Oh, regeneration, it's a whole new colouring to work with. (removes cap) TESELECTA AMY moves around to face MELODY. TESELECTA AMY: You killed the Doctor on the orders of the movement known as the Silence and Academy of the Question. You accept and know this to be true? MELODY: Quite honestly, I don't really remember. It was all a bit of jumble. TESELECTA AMY pushes the mirror out of the way and opens its mouth. A beam envelopes MELODY and she cries out. MELODY: No! No! Get off me! DOCTOR: Sorry, did you say she killed the Doctor? TESELECTA AMY closes its mouth and faces the DOCTOR who is leaning against the TARDIS on the dais. He is dressed in tails and a top hat and has a cane. DOCTOR: The Doctor? Doctor who? INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: You said he was dying. ANITA: He is! JIM enters with RORY and AMY. JIM: When you're done here, your memories will be wiped and you'll be able... AMY: (sees the DOCTOR on the screen) Doctor? INT. RESTAURANT, DAY MELODY: You're dying and you stopped to change? DOCTOR: (spins) Oh, you should always waste time when you don't have any. (walks down the steps twirling the cane) Time is not the boss of you - Rule 408. (faces TESELECTA AMY) Amelia Pond, judgment death machine. Why am I not surprised? Sonic cane! MELODY: Are you serious? INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY They watch the DOCTOR on screen as he scans the TESELECTA with the cane. DOCTOR: (on screen) Never knowingly. Never knowingly be serious. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY DOCTOR: Rule 27. You might want to write these down. (checks readings) Oh, it's a robot! INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY DOCTOR: (on screen) With 423 life signs inside. A robot... INT. RESTAURANT, DAY DOCTOR: worked by tiny people. Love it! But how do you all get in there, though? INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY DOCTOR: (on screen) Bigger on the inside? No, basic miniaturization sustained by a compression field. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY DOCTOR: Oh, watch what you eat, it'll get you every time. INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY DOCTOR: (on screen) Amy, if you and Rory are OK, signal me. AMY activates the sonic and the DOCTOR reads the signal on the cane. DOCTOR: (on screen) Thanking you. CARTER: Why did you do that? The DOCTOR cries out in pain. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY The DOCTOR is beginning the loose control of his legs. DOCTOR: Oops, sorry, leg went to sleep. Just had a quick left leg power nap, I forgot I had one scheduled. Actually, better sit down, I think I heard the right one yawning. (sits on the dais steps) MELODY runs for the door. TESELECTA AMY once again shoots a beam of light. DOCTOR: Don't you touch her! Do not harm her in any way. The TESELECTA closes its mouth. MELODY is caught in a containment field. INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER speaks into a microphone by his chair that controls the TESELECTA'S voice. It sounds like AMY is speaking as well. CARTER: Why would you care? She is the women who kills you. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY The DOCTOR removes his top hat. DOCTOR: I'm not dead. TESELECTA AMY: You're dying. DOCTOR: Well, at least I'm not a time-travelling shape-shifting robot operated by miniaturized cross people, which, I have got to admit, I didn't see coming. (points his cane at MELODY) What do you want with her? TESELECTA AMY: She's Melody Pond. INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: (into microphone) According to records, the woman who kills the Doctor. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY DOCTOR: And I'm the Doctor, what's it to you? INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: (into microphone) (stands) Throughout history, many criminals have gone unpunished in their lifetimes. Time travel has... responsibilities. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY The DOCTOR laughs. DOCTOR: What? You got yourselves time travel, so you decided to punish dead people? INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: (into microphone) We don't kill them. We extract them near the end of their established timelines. DOCTOR: (on screen) And then what? CARTER: (into microphone) Give them hell. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY DOCTOR: I'd ask you who you think you are, INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY DOCTOR: (on screen) But I think the answer is pretty obvious. So, who do you think I am? INT. RESTAURANT, DAY DOCTOR: (points his cane at MELODY) "The woman who killed the Doctor". It sounds like you've got my biography in there. I'd love a peek. INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: (into microphone) Our records office is sealed to the public. Foreknowledge is dangerous. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY DOCTOR: Yes, well, I'll be dead in three minutes. There isn't much foreknowledge left. INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER: (into microphone) (sits) Sorry, can't do that. AMY pulls CARTER'S chair around and leans down into his face. AMY: That man is my best friend. That woman is my daughter. You give him anything he wants. JIM: If she's family, she has privileges. CARTER taps buttons on her wrist device. JIM: Say, "Access personal records, the Doctor". AMY: (into device) Access personal records, the Doctor. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY TESELECTA AMY: Records available. The DOCTOR stands with great effort, leaning heavily on the cane. DOCTOR: Question. I'm dying... who wants me dead? TESELECTA AMY: The Silence. DOCTOR: What is the Silence? Why is it called that? What does it mean? TESELECTA AMY: The Silence is not a species. It is a religious order, or movement. Their core belief is that silence will fall when the question is asked. DOCTOR: What question? TESELECTA AMY: The first question. The oldest question in the universe, hidden in plain sight. DOCTOR: Yes, but what is the question? TESELECTA AMY: Unknown. DOCTOR: Well, fat lot of use that is, you big ginge! Call yourself a Records... Argh! (falls to the floor) Kidneys are always the first to quit. I've had better, you know. INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY ANITA: OK, he's finished. AMY: (looks away) Oh, my God! CARTER: Well, then, let's do what we do. Give her hell. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY The field around MELODY turns to red and looks like flame. She screams in agony. The DOCTOR is pulling himself across the floor by his hands. DOCTOR: Amy! Rory! Amy, INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY DOCTOR: (on screen) can you hear me? AMY: Yeah. CARTER hands her the microphone. CARTER: You can talk to him. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY TESELECTA AMY: What do we do? INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY AMY: (into microphone) This is me. This is me actually talking. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY TESELECTA AMY: What do we do? DOCTOR: Just stop them. She's your daughter, just stop them. INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY AMY: (into microphone) How, how? INT. RESTAURANT, DAY TESELECTA AMY: How? DOCTOR: Just do it! INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY AMY flashes on the devices and how the green light saved them from the ANTIBODIES. AMY sees that everyone is wearing the devices and there is an ANTIBODY resting in a console. She pulls out the sonic. RORY: What are you doing? AMY: Pointing and thinking. Get ready to run. AMY uses the sonic on her device and it turns red. An alarm sounds and the ANTIBODY rises. ANTIBODY: You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented. AMY: OK, Captain, release her now, or I take down the whole Teselecta. RORY: Amy? CARTER: You can't. AMY swings his chair around so he sees the ANTIBODIES. AMY: They can! ANITA and JIM try to get their devices working again. AMY: Rory, go! AMY and RORY run for the lift. ANTIBODY: All privileges withdrawn. JIM: What have you done? The lift door closes. ANTIBODY: All life forms prepare for immediate decease. You will experience a tingling sensation and then death. One of the ANTIBODIES wraps two tentacles around ANITA'S neck. CARTER: Shut it down! JIM: I'm trying! CARTER: Shut everything down! They begin to pull wires and the TELESELECTA powers down. INT. RESTAURANT, DAY MELODY is freed. The DOCTOR looks up at her. DOCTOR: Please, now we have to save your parents. Don't run. Now, I know you're scared, but never run when you're scared. Rule 7. Please. MELODY looks at the DOCTOR and then at the TESELECTA AMY. INT. TESELECTA, CORRIDOR, DAY Members of the crew are attacked by ANTIBODIES. ANTIBODY: Remain calm while your life is extracted. The lift door opens and AMY and RORY run out. AMY: Run! Keep running. RORY: Where? AMY: I don't know, just run! They run down the corridor. INT. TESELECTA, BRIDGE, DAY CARTER uses the radio to call for help. CARTER: Mothership! Mothership, get us out of here! Emergency beam up now! Everyone! The crew is beamed away. ANTIBODY: Only two life forms remain. This will be rectified. INT. TESELECTA, CORRIDOR, DAY AMY and RORY realize they're alone. AMY: Where did everyone go? RORY: How can they just disappear? ANTIBODIES approach them and AMY pulls out the microphone. AMY: Doctor, can you help us? Doctor? Doctor, help us! INT. RESTAURANT, DAY TESELECTA AMY: Doctor, help us! The DOCTOR is on the floor, eyes closed. TESELECTA AMY: Doctor, please! The DOCTOR opens his eyes and stands with great difficulty. He heads for the TARDIS as MELODY watches from a chair. He falls onto the steps. TESELECTA AMY: Doctor! Help! The DOCTOR tries to pull himself up the steps. MELODY: Look at you. You still care. TESELECTA AMY: Doctor! Help! Doctor, help us! Please help us. MELODY: It's impressive, I'll give you that. DOCTOR: River, please... MELODY: (stands) Again? Who is this River? She's got to be a woman, am I right? The DOCTOR is stretched out on the steps, a hand reaching for the TARDIS. DOCTOR: Help me. Save Amy and Rory. Help me. MELODY: Tell me about her. Go on. DOCTOR: Aaargh... just... help me. INT. TESELECTA, CORRIDOR, DAY AMY and RORY run down the corridor to the iris. AMY tries to open the iris but the panel won't recognize her. They are surrounded by ANTIBODIES who echo each other. ANTIBODIES: You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented. AMY and RORY face each other. AMY: I love you. RORY: I love you too. RORY hugs her head to his chest as the ANTIBODIES continue. ANTIBODIES: You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented. The TARDIS materializes around them. INT. TARDIS AMY: Doctor? Doctor, he did it. He did it! They laugh with relief. They stop when they see MELODY appear from the other side of the console. MELODY: I seem to be able to fly her. She showed me how, she taught me. The Doctor says I'm the child of the TARDIS. What does he mean? AMY: Where is he? INT. RESTAURANT, DAY The DOCTOR is lying on his back on the stairs. AMY and RORY kneel beside him. AMY holds his hand in hers. AMY: You can't die now. I know you don't die now. DOCTOR: Oh, Pond! You've got a schedule for everything. AMY: But it doesn't make any sense. RORY: Doctor, what do we do? Come on. How do we help you? DOCTOR: No, sorry, Rory. You can't. Nobody can. Ponds, listen to me, I need to talk to your daughter. RORY and AMY get up and walk to where MELODY is standing. She slowly walks to the DOCTOR and kneels beside him. DOCTOR: Find her. Find River Song and tell her something from me. MELODY: Tell her what? The DOCTOR tugs on her jacket and MELODY bends over so he can whisper in her ear. MELODY: Well, I'm sure she knows. MELDOY lifts her head and sees the DOCTOR is unconscious. She backs away to AMY and RORY. MELODY: Who's River Song? AMY looks at RORY, who nods. She approaches the TESELECTA. AMY: Are you still working because I'm still a relative? Access files on River Song. TESELECTA AMY: Records available. AMY: Show me her. Show me River Song. The TESELECTA changes its appearance to RIVER and MELODY sees herself. MELODY turns to the DOCTOR, her eyes getting teary. AMY goes to RORY who holds her. AMY: Melody, what did he say? The Doctor gave you a message for River Song. What was it? MELODY'S hands start to glow as she approaches the DOCTOR. AMY: What's happening? What are you doing? MELODY lifts her hands. MELODY: Just tell me. The Doctor, is he worth it? AMY: Yes. Yes, he is. MELODY puts a hand to either side of the DOCTOR'S face. He inhales sharply and opens his eyes. DOCTOR: (whispers) River? No! What are you doing? MELODY: (whispers) Hello, sweetie. MELODY kisses the DOCTOR, transferring her regeneration energy. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM, DAY RORY and AMY bend over the bed and slowly come into focus. AMY: Hey. MELODY: Hey. Where am I? AMY: You're safe now. Apparently, you used all your remaining regenerations in one go. You shouldn't have done that. MELODY: Mother, I had to try. AMY: I know. MELODY: He said no-one could save him but he must have known I could. DOCTOR: Rule one. The others turn to look at the DOCTOR standing by the window. DOCTOR: The Doctor lies. NURSE: She just needs to rest. She'll be absolutely fine. DOCTOR: No, she won't. The DOCTOR sets a TARDIS journal down on the side table. It's tied with a red ribbon. DOCTOR: She will be... amazing. INT. TARDIS AMY: So that's it? We leave her there? DOCTOR: Sisters of the Infinite Schism, greatest hospital in the universe. AMY: Yeah, but she's our daughter. Doctor, she's River and she's our daughter. DOCTOR: Amy, I know. But we have to let her make her own way now. We have too much foreknowledge. (looks at the monitor and sees the time and place of his death) Dangerous thing, foreknowledge. AMY: What's that? DOCTOR: (turns off monitor) Nothing. Just some data from the Teselecta. Very boring. RORY: Doctor, River was brainwashed to kill you? DOCTOR: Well, she did, and then used her remaining lives to bring me back. As first dates go, I'd say that was mixed signals. RORY: But that stuff that they put in her head, is that gone now? The River that we know in the future, she is in prison for murder. AMY: Whose murder? The DOCTOR is quiet and then smiles. RORY is upset that he doesn't get an answer. AMY: Will we see her again? DOCTOR: Oh, she'll come looking for us.(runs up stairs) AMY: Yeah, but how? How do people even look for you? DOCTOR: Oh, Pond! Haven't you figured that one out yet? INT. LUNA UNIVERSITY, 5123 PROFESSOR: So, then, tell me... why do you want to study archaeology? RIVER: Well, to be perfectly honest, Professor, I'm looking for a good man.

Amy and Rory summon the Doctor to Leadworth, and he admits he has not found Melody. They are met by Mels, their childhood friend responsible for Amy and Rory's relationship and whom Amy named Melody after. Mels hijacks the TARDIS and causes it to spin out of control and crash into Hitler 's office in 1938 Berlin . They accidentally save Hitler, as they disrupted a Teselecta , a shapeshifting robot piloted by miniaturised people to punish criminals, from killing him. Before Rory locks him away, Hitler shoots at the Teselecta but hits Mels instead. Instead of dying, however, Mels begins to regenerate into another incarnation which they recognise as River Song. She attempts to kill the Doctor several times before she kisses him; he discovers her lipstick was laced with poison that will kill him in 32 minutes. The Teselecta identifies River as responsible for the Doctor's death and thus a criminal, but Amy and Rory plead they not torture her and turn the Teselecta's security robots against the crew, who promptly teleport out. River saves the dying Doctor by giving up all her remaining regenerations.

fd_Downton_Abbey_03x01

fd_Downton_Abbey_03x01_0

[OPENING CREDITS] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON VILLAGE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Daisy walks her bike through the village towards the church.] Spring, 1920 [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON CHURCH - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mary and Matthew stand next to each other at the altar in plain clothes. Mary has a white train sticking out under her coat.] Matthew Crawley: Is there any news of Sybil? Lady Mary: She's still not coming. She insists they can't afford it. [Matthew raises his eyebrows with an understanding frown and nods.] Archbishop: Mr Travis, can we move forward? Reverend Travis: If I could just ask you to come down the aisle again. [Matthew and Mary nod pleasantly to Rev. Travis and smile at each other as they turn toward the door.] Reverend Travis: Can we get the troops organized? Robert, Earl of Grantham: That means me. [Robert rises from the pew.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: It seems rather hard on poor old Travis when he's doing all the work but the archbishop gets the glory. Mary: Papa was the one who wanted a prince of the church. I'd have settled for Travis. Robert: Mm. Mary: Is there really no way we can get Sybil over? It seems ridiculous. Robert: On the contrary, it's a relief. Branson is still an object of fascination for the county. We'll ask him here when we can prepare the servants and manage it gently. [Robert and Mary walk to the back of the church.] Isobel Crawley: He's making a problem where none exists. No one could care less were Branson at the wedding or not. Matthew: You must think country life more exciting than it is if you imagine people don't care when an earl's daughter runs off with the chauffeur. Isobel: Well, the fact remains she has run off with the chauffeur and they'll have to get used to it. [The archbishop calls down the aisle.] Archbishop: Mr Travis, are we ready? Reverend Travis: Er, any moment, Your Grace, any moment. [Travis walks back up the aisle.] Reverend Travis: Can we, please? [Mary and Robert stand ready and take each other's arm before starting down the aisle.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON GROUNDS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Daisy rides toward the house on her bicycle.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [The servants sit down to eat.] Mr Carson: That treacle tart just hit the spot, thank you, Mrs Patmore. Mrs Patmore: So, Mrs Hughes and Anna are getting the place ready to let? Mr Carson: That is the plan. [Mrs Patmore nods and leaves with a tray.] Thomas Barrow: I'm surprised Anna held onto that house. I thought they confiscated the profits of murder. Mr Carson: Mr Bates had the wisdom to transfer it to her before the trial. Thomas: I don't think I'd have allowed it, Mr Carson. Mr Carson: Then we must all be grateful you were not the presiding judge. Thomas: I still think it's funny given that he's a convicted murderer. Mr Carson: May I remind you, Mr Barrow, that in this house Mr Bates is a wronged man seeking justice. If you have any problems with that definition, I suggest you eat in the yard. [Carson leaves. O'Brien gives Thomas a unpleasant look as he smirks at her.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE DOWER HOUSE - DAY] Isobel: I suppose you agree with Robert. Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Then, not for the first time, you suppose wrongly. The family must never be a topic of conversation. Cora: I'm afraid Sybil's already made the Crawleys a permanent topic. Violet: All the more reason. If we can show the county he can behave normally, they will soon lose interest in him. And I shall make sure he behaves normally, because I shall hold his hand on the radiator until he does. [Cora smiles at the half-serious remark.] Isobel: Well, I don't know this young man aside from "Good morning" and "Good night," but he strikes me as a very interesting addition to the family. Violet: Oh, here we go. [Violet shakes her head.] Isobel: And why should he be "normal," as you call it? I say he should come here and fight his corner. [Violet looks sharply to Cora for sympathy, but Cora keeps a neutral expression.] Isobel: I like a man of strong beliefs. I think I'll send them the money. Cora: Please don't. Robert's expressly forbidden it. He'd be furious. [Violet looks between her two guests with a surprised expression.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. FRONT HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert speaks on the telephone dressed in his tails.] Robert: But it can't be as bad as... [Robert listens.] Robert: Look, I'll come and see you. Tomorrow. No, I insist. Right, goodbye. [Robert hangs up the phone just as Mary enters dressed for dinner.] Mary: Papa? What's the matter? Robert (unconvincingly): Nothing's the matter. What should be the matter? [Robert exits and Mary watches him leave, wondering what's bothering him.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna and Mrs Hughes enter and Carson and the other servants who were sitting at the table stand.] Mr Carson: How was London? Anna Bates: We got it all done. But I couldn't have managed without my helper. Mrs Patmore: Have you eaten? Mrs Hughes: We had a bite on the train. Mrs Patmore: Oh, sit down anyway, have a cup o' tea. [The other servants sit down and Daisy and a maid leave.] Mrs Hughes: I'll start on the final lists for the wedding tomorrow morning. [Thomas holds Mrs Hughes chair for her and then sits down, too.] Mr Carson: I've got the last of the wine deliveries coming on Tuesday. Mrs Hughes: How will you manage without a footman? Mr Carson: I agree, but I haven't time to find one now. Miss Sarah O-Brien: I've had a letter from my sister asking after a job for her son, and-- Mr Carson: Miss O'Brien, we are about to host a society wedding. I have no time for training young hobbledehoys. [A bell rings.] Mr Carson: Her Ladyship is ringing. [O'Brien pauses for a moment, then gets up to see to her duties. Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson share a look.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY GRANTHAM'S BEDROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [O'Brien fixes Cora's hair as Cora sits in a dressing gown.] Cora: Well, I don't see why not. I'll ask His Lordship when-- [The door opens and Robert enters in his dressing gown.] Cora: There you are. So, I'll ask you now. Robert: Ask me what? Cora: Carson's in need of a footman and O'Brien has a candidate. O'Brien: Alfred. Alfred Nugent, milord. He's a good worker. Cora: I think it sounds perfect. [Robert stares into space.] Cora: Robert? [Robert snaps out of his reverie.] Robert: Whatever you say. [Cora and O'Brien smile at each other.] Robert: My dear, I have to go up to London tomorrow. I'll be catching the early train. Cora: That's very sudden. Do you want me to open the house? Robert: No, I'll come straight back. Cora: What are you going for? Robert: It's nothing to bother you with. [Cora accepts his answer happily and Robert goes back into his thoughts.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT/INT. PRISON - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna pauses to brace herself outside of Bates's prison before entering.] Anna: It's all there, every entry. John Bates: Where did you find the book? Anna: Behind the bureau. We moved it out to clean and there it was. Vera must have dropped it or something. Bates: So, what do you want me to do? Anna: Make notes on all the names: close friend, relation, workmate, tradesman, and so on. Then I'll copy those and I'll send them with the book to Mr Murray. Bates: Haven't you anything better to do? Anna (smiles): I have not. Because I'd rather work to get you free then dine with the king at Buckingham Palace. So, what news have you got? Bates: And what news could I have in here? Oh, I've acquired a new cellmate. To be honest, I'm not sure about him. Anna: Well, just remember what my mother used to say: never make an enemy by accident. Now, do you think you can get the notes done before my next visit? Bates: I don't see what can come of it. Anna: Probably nothing. And my next idea will probably lead to nothing, and the next, and the next. But one day, something will occur to us and we'll follow it up, and the case against you will crumble. Bates: Do you never doubt? For just one minute? [Anna smiles softly.] Bates: I wouldn't blame you. Anna: No. I don't doubt that the sun will rise in the east either. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mr Carson inspects Alfred with furrowed eyebrows, frowning up at him.] Mr Carson: You're too tall to be a footman. No footman should be over six-foot-one. [Thomas, Mrs Hughes, Daisy, and O'Brien stare at the other end of the room.] O'Brien (proudly): That can't be, can it? Since he's already been taken on. Mr Carson: But what have you done? Alfred Nugent: I was a hotel waiter after I was discharged from the army. [?] got back. O'Brien: I think to get a job as a waiter shows real initiative. Mrs Hughes: I suppose he can speak for himself? O'Brien: Why? Is he on trial? This isn't an interview, is it? Not when he's already got the job. Mr Carson: No, it is not an interview, Miss O'Brien, but he is on trial, and if he cannot match our standards, he will be found guilty. Alfred: I mean to try, Mr Carson. Mr Carson: As long as you do. Right, go upstairs and get settled in. Your aunt will hopefully find you a livery that fits. [O'Brien nods and Alfred follows her out.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON GROUNDS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mary and Matthew go on a walk together.] Mary: Just at the start, so we've a place to sleep after the honeymoon. You can't object to that. Matthew: No, it's nice of them. Though I doubt I'll get used to taking you to bed with your father watching. Mary: (chuckle) He's so relieved we're getting married, he wouldn't mind if you carried me up naked. Matthew: (chuckle) Careful, I might try it. [They chuckle.] Matthew: I don't want to move to London or anything. I'm not kicking against the traces. Mary: Just testing their strength. Matthew: I want us to get to know each other..to learn about who we both are without everybody being there. Mary: Well, it's quite a big house. Matthew: It's a lovely house. It's your home, and I want it to be my home, too. Just not quite yet. [Mary looks at him and then nods.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TRAIN STATION - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert exits the station and walks up to a cab. A paper boy is selling papers that read "Bolshevik Menace."] Paperboy: Paper! Russia [?]! Robert: Chancery Lane. Cab Driver: Yes, sir. [Robert gets in the cab and it takes off.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MR MURRAY'S OFFICE - DAY] Mr Murray: I have spoken to Frobisher and Currant and since I am a trustee, should the estate ever need one, we felt I ought to be the one to tell you. Robert: You make it sound very serious. Mr Murray: I am expressing myself badly if you think it is not serious. Robert: Why did we invest so much. Mr Murray: Lord Grantham, it was you who insisted we should. If you remember, we advised against it. Robert: But war would mean a huge expansion of railways everywhere. Every forecast was certain. Rail shares were bound to make a fortune. Mr Murray: Many did, but your principle holding, which was very large, indeed, was in the Canadian Grand Trunk line. [Robert stands up, getting upset.] Robert: It was the main railway in British North America, for god's sake! It wasn't just me. Everyone said we couldn't lose! We knew hard times were coming for estates like Downton, and this investment would make it safe for the rest of time. Mr Murray: Charles Hayes was the presiding genius, and since he died, the management has not...the fact is, the company is about to be declared bankrupt... [Robert leans forward on the chairback.] Mr Murray: And the line will be absorbed into the Canadian National Railway scheme. [Robert leans harder into the chairback as the news sinks in.] Robert: Are you really telling me that all the money is gone? Mr Murray: I'm afraid so. Robert: The lion's share of Cora's fortune. [Murray responds only with a look and Robert turns away to process the blow as Murray observes him.] Robert: I won't give in, Murray. I've sacrificed too much to Downton to give in now. I refuse to be the failure, the earl who dropped the torch and let the flame go out. Mr Murray: I...hate to state the obvious, but if there's not enough money to run it, Downton must go. Unless you break it up and sell it off piecemeal. Robert: I couldn't do that. I have a duty beyond saving my own skin. The estate must be a major employer and support the house, or there's no point to it. To any of it. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON VILLAGE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Workers drape strings of white flags across the street and houses.] Worker: Morning. [A worker tips his hat to a woman passing by. A car drives down the street, passing the post office.] Sir Anthony Strallan: Lady Edith! [The car slows to a stop and Edith approaches with a smile.] Edith: Hello! Strallan: Hello! Edith: What are you doing here? Strallan: I'm meeting a train, but I'm too early. Edith: Oh. [Edith opens the car door and steps in. Strallan is surprised.] Strallan: Oh, I mustn't hold you up. Edith: Oh, I'm not doing anything. Strallan: Oh. Edith: I thought I'd get away from wedding panic. [They chuckle.] Strallan: Don't you like weddings. Edith: Oh, don't be silly. Of course I do. Only, I've talked of clothes and flowers, and food and guests until I'm blue in the face. [They chuckle.] Strallan: Yes, weddings can be reminders of one's loneliness, can't they? Sorry, I don't know why I said that. So, how's it going? Is your grandmother coming over from New York for it? Edith: She is. [Chuckle.] Strallan: And Sybil, is she here yet? Edith: As a matter of fact, she wasn't coming, but I think she is now. Mary had a letter this morning. Papa doesn't know yet. Strallan: He will be pleased. Edith: I do hope so. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE, MATTHEW'S DRESSING ROOM - EVENING] Mr Molesley: So, you'll live at the big house when you're back from honeymoon? Matthew: Not live. Stay. We'll stay there until we decide where to go. It'll be on the estate, I should think, or in the village. Mr Molesley: Not here? Matthew: No. I shall expect you and Mrs Bird to look after Mrs Crawley. [Molesley looks up in surprise.] Mr Molesley: Y--you'll not be taking me with you, sir? Only, I thought you'd be needing...a proper valet once you're married. Matthew: I've always thought of you as more of a butler who helps out as a valet and not the other way around. Mr Molesley: Oh, I'd be happy to be a valet, sir, especially in the big house. Matthew: We won't be in the big house for long. To be honest, Molesley, I want to live more simply after the wedding. [Molesley is clearly disappointed.] Matthew: And besides, Mother absolutely relies on you. Mr Molesley: Well, that's very nice to hear, sir. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LORD GRANTHAM'S DRESSING ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Thomas helps Robert dress for dinner.] Thomas: You must be exhausted, milord. You can't have spent more than two hours in London. Robert: It was sufficient. Thomas: The new footman arrived while you were gone. [Robert starts.] Robert: What? Thomas: Yes. He got the cable this morning and came straight over. Very eager. And very tall. Robert: But when did--? Never mind. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert catches up to Cora on the staircase.] Robert: Did you know about the new footman? Cora: Of course. He's already here. Robert: Why did no one tell me? Cora: What do you mean? We talked about it last night...in my room. Robert: Well, nobody else must be taken on. Absolutely no one...until things are settled. Cora: What things? [Robert hesitates.] Robert: How's the wedding going? I suppose it's costing the earth. Cora: Mary was never gonna marry on the cheap. Robert: Oh, no. Nothing must be done on the cheap. [Cora stares after Robert as he leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [O'Brien checks her nephew's livery.] Alfred: I feel quite nervous. O'Brien: Don't be. You've got the skill, and you've got the willingness. [Thomas passes by.] Thomas: But he hasn't got the experience. Alfred: He's right. O'Brien: Pay no attention. (towards Thomas) You've a nice manner, Alfred. You're not vain like Thomas. (to Alfred) They'll like that. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHEN - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Daisy works with rough, angry motions.] Thomas: What's the matter with you? Daisy: I'm fed up. They promised me promotion. She said they'd get a new kitchen maid and I'd be Mrs Patmore's assistant. Thomas: Well, if they really promised, you should withdraw your services. Daisy: What do you mean? Like go on strike? Thomas: But don't say I put you up to it. [Daisy considers his suggestion hesitantly.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] Violet: But what was in the letter? Mary: Just that Sybil's coming after all. She'll be here on Wednesday in time for dinner. [Matthew smiles.] Isobel: Will she be coming alone? Matthew: Don't make trouble, Mother. [Isobel gives Matthew a wide-eyed look. Alfred begins serving Violet's dinner himself.] Violet: Can I do it? Alfred: If you wish, my lady, of course. [Alfred puts the serving utensils in the dish so Violet can serve herself.] Violet: Are--Are you really that tall? Alfred: Yes, my lady. Violet: I thought you might have been walking on stilts. [Edith chuckles.] Mary: When does Grandmamma arrive? Cora: She gets into Liverpool on the fifteenth, so she'll be here the day before the wedding. Violet: I'm so looking forward to seeing your mother again. When I'm with her, I'm reminded of the virtues of the English. Matthew: Isn't she American? Violet: Exactly. [Matthew gives a sidelong look at Violet's insult.] Robert: Can I...help myself? [Alfred stops trying to dish out Robert's dinner.] Alfred: Oh, you want to as well, my lord? [Alfred puts down the serving utensils.] Robert: To be honest, I think you'll find that we all want to do it as well. Mr Carson (harsh whisper): What do you think you're doing? You're not in a hotel now. Isobel: Did you train in a hotel? Alfred: I did, ma'am. [Alfred is about to pick up the utensils, then leaves them and lets Isobel serve herself. Carson glares at Alfred.] Isobel: That will be useful, won't it, Carson? [Carson avoids her look.] Isobel: Are you all set for the wedding? [Carson gives a smile.] Mary: Of course he is. Carson's motto is "Be prepared." Violet: I'm afraid Baden-Powell has stolen it. Cora: But you have all the help you need? Mr Carson: Well, I wouldn't fight the idea of a second footman, my lady. Matthew: I don't know about the rest of you, but I sometimes think it's time we lived in a simpler way. Isobel: I agree. Much cattle, much care. Robert: Always supposing we have the choice. Violet: Oh, don't say that. It's our job to provide employment. An aristocrat with no servants is as much use to the county as a glass hammer. [Violet and Edith chuckle.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna and O'Brien are already seated when Thomas and Molesley enter.] Thomas: I knew this would happen. Typical. O'Brien: What's typical? Thomas: That I'd wind up looking after Mr Matthews. That's all I need. Mr Molesley: He hasn't thought it through. I'm sorry to say, but he hasn't. Anna: Are you worried for your job, Mr Molesley? Mr Molesley: Me? Oh, heavens, no. No, no, no, I'm essential to Mrs Crawley. She relies on me. That's what he said. "Essential." [The servants are irked by his pompous attitude.] O'Brien: Oh, yes. We're all essential. Until we get sacked. [Carson enters and the servants stand.] O'Brien: How was it? Mr Carson: Alfred was confused. He thought he'd been transported to the Hotel Metropole. Anna: Cheer up. You'll get the hang of it. Alfred: Will I? [The servants sit. Mrs Hughes enters and gives Molesley a friendly greeting.] Mrs Hughes: Oh, you're still here Mr Molesley. Mr Molesley: I know. I only walked over for a cup of tea and a chat. But I've outstayed my welcome. Mrs Hughes: Nonsense. Why not have a bite with us? They won't be leaving for a half hour or more. Mr Molesley: No, I better get back. I wouldn't want them to get home and me not be there to let them in. [O'Brien makes fun of him.] O'Brien: No, you wouldn't. Not when you're essential. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [The family withdraws for the evening.] Mary: Then why is he coming all the way here? Why not say it on the telephone? Matthew: I have no idea. Mary: If Mr Swire's lawyer wants to see you and it's urgent, it means he's left you something. Matthew: I doubt it. I would have heard long before this. Anyway, I hope not. Mary: Why? [Matthew gives Mary a look.] Isobel: Matthew! Do come on! [Isobel wraps herself tightly in her coat.] Isobel: The chauffeur's freezing to death and so am I. [Matthew looks back to Mary.] Matthew: Are you looking forward to the wedding? [Mary smiles.] Mary: What do you think? [Matthew smirks.] Matthew: I'm looking forward to all sorts of things. [Mary smirks back as Matthew leans in.] Mary: Don't make me blush. Isobel: Matthew! [Matthew looks back at Isobel, then kisses Mary on the cheek and leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON VILLAGE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [A car drives through the village.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FRONT DOOR - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [The car approaches the house and the family and some servants wait to greet Branson and Sybil. Alfred opens the door for them and Branson hands Sybil down, his luggage in the other hand. Sybil steps out with a smile and goes straight to her father.] Sybil Branson: Dearest Papa. [Sybil kisses his cheek.] Sybil: Tell me, did you send the money? Please say yes. Robert (confused): What money? Cora: (smiles) Hello...Tom. [Welcome to Downton. Cora approaches Tom with a bright smile and a handshake.] Tom Branson: I hope I am welcome, Your Ladyship. Mary: Of course. [Tom gives a formal nod to Robert, who doesn't respond.] Mary: Alfred, would you take the luggage for Mr Branson. Edith: There's tea in the library. Tom: Thank you. [Tom hands his luggage to Alfred. Sybil and Cora greet each other warmly as they head into the house and Tom smiles after them. He stops when he sees Carson.] Tom: (nods) Hello, Mr Carson. [Carson gives Tom a formal nod and Tom walks into the house.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [A business man walks out of Crawley House.] Isobel: Was that Mr Charkham I saw leaving? [Isobel closes the door.] Matthew: Yes, he said to make his apologies. He was late for his train. Isobel: What did he have to say for himself? Matthew: I don't know where to start. Basically, it seems that Reggie Swire did not wish to divide his fortune. So, when Lavinia died, he made a new will with a list of three possible heir, of which I was the third. Isobel: Why didn't the first name succeed? Matthew: He died before Reggie...in the same epidemic that killed Lavinia. But at first, they thought that the second heir, a Mr Clive Pulbrook would be easy to trace. Isobel: How much money are we talking about? Matthew: A lot. A huge amount. I had no idea. You could never have told it from Reggie's way of life. Isobel: Lucky Mr Pulbrook. Matthew: Well, this is it...Sometime before Reggie's death, Pulbrook travelled to the east, to India, to some tea plantations he owned there. Isobel: And? Matthew: He's never been heard of since. They've made inquiries. They've sent an agent out to visit his property. There's no sign of him. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Thomas looks through stiff collars at the table.] Thomas: I'm sorry, I won't. And that's flat. Mrs Hughes: Then you'll have to do it, Mr Carson. Mr Carson (indignant): I'm not dressing a chauffeur. Mrs Hughes: He is not a chauffeur now. Anyway, you don't have to dress him. Just see he's got everything he needs. Mr Carson: I'm not often as one with Mr Barrow, but...no. Mrs Hughes: Then Alfred must do it. Mr Carson: (scoffs) Alfred. He wouldn't' know what to do beyond collecting dirty shoes outside the door. [Thomas smirks.] Mrs Hughes: Well, he'll have to learn. [Mrs Hughes looks disapprovingly at Thomas and Carson before she leaves. Carson gives a surprised look to Thomas. Thomas shrugs his shoulders.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] Violet: Is it an Irish tradition? Tom: What? Robert: She means not changing. [Tom looks down at his plain clothes.] Sybil (irked): Of course not, Granny. Violet: It might have been. You don't change on the first night of a voyage. [Mary isn't pleased by the conversation either.] Tom: No, my lady. I don't own a set of tails. Or a dinner jacket either. I wouldn't get any use out of them. Robert: Well, I hope you own a morning coat since you're here for a wedding. Tom: No, I'm afraid I don't. Sybil: We live a completely different kind of life, Papa. Robert: Obviously. [Carson holds the serving dish at Tom's eye level.] Tom: Could you lower it a bit, please, Mr Carson. [Carson obliges.] Mary: You should buy a Downton wardrobe and leave it here. Then you won't have to pack when you come. Edith: What a good idea. [Sybil smiles at their suggestion.] Tom: I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I can't turn into somebody else just to please you. Violet: More's the pity. Isobel: Oh, now why should you change to please us? Matthew: What is the general feeling in Ireland now? Tom: That we're in sight of throwing off the English yoke. Isobel: Do you approve of the new act? Tom: Would you approve if your country'd been divided by a foreign power? Isobel: Well, won't it bring home rule for Southern Ireland nearer? Tom: Home rule on English terms, presided over by an English king. Matthew: Is keeping the monarchy a problem? Tom: Would it be a problem for you to be ruled by the German Kaiser? [Carson snaps a glass stem in his shock. Robert turns to look.] Robert: Carson, are you all right? Mr Carson: I've been very clumsy, my lord. I do apologise. [Sybil closes her eyes in embarrassment. Cora attempts to redirect the conversation to safer topics.] Cora: Is it true that Irish gardens have more variety than ours. [The attempt was so obvious that Robert sighs.] Edith: Oh, yes. Don't you remember Lady Dufferin's ball at Clandeboye? The gardens there were heavenly. [No one's fooled by the topic change and the Bransons both look uncomfortable.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [The servants sit down to dinner.] Alfred: I thought them very down on him. Thomas: That is because you know nothing. Mr Carson: And wasn't he down on them - insulting our country, insulting the king? I thought it was a miracle His Lordship held his temper. Mrs Hughes: But it must be hard, Mr Carson, to sit up there with people he used to drive around. Tom: It is hard, Mrs Hughes. [Tom stands in the doorway. Carson bolts up from his chair and the other servants follow suit.] Tom (hurriedly): Please, sit down. [Mrs Hughes debates, but Mr Carson remains resolutely standing and the other servants remain standing.] Mr Carson (stiffly): Is there something we can do, sir? Tom: I just wanted to come down to say hello. I wouldn't want you to think I got too big for my boots. Mrs Hughes: (smiles) That's nice. [Tom and Mrs Hughes's smiles are swallowed in Carson's presence.] Anna: I hope you and Lady Sybil are well. Tom: We are, thank you. And we've been following the story of Mr Bates. Mary keeps us informed. [Mrs Hughes and Anna smile, but Carson stiffens further at Tom's informality.] Tom: Still, I mustn't interrupt your dinner. [Tom begins to leave in the silence. Mrs Hughes offers an olive branch.] Mrs Hughes: Thank you for coming down. [Mrs Hughes and Tom share a friendly smile, and Carson exchanges disapproving looks as Tom leaves. The servants sit back down.] O'Brien: He's settled into his new life. Mr Carson: "Mary keeps us informed"? Mrs Hughes: Well, he knows her now. Mr Carson: What's that got to do with it? His Lordship would never call her Mary when talking to me. Never. If he wants to play their game, he better learn their rules. [Mrs Hughes shoots Carson another disapproving look.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Some of the ladies play cards while Robert and Mary get drinks.] Violet: Tomorrow, let's ask the servants to come up and dine with us. It'll make things easier. (chuckle) Mary: You must get him to stop calling Granny "milady." And Mama. Isobel: We need something that doesn't sound too stiff and grand. Robert: Lady Grantham, of course. And he can call me Lord Grantham. Sybil: That doesn't sound stiff or grand at all. [Mary catches Sybil's look.] Mary (softly): One step at a time. [Sybil smiles. Mary walks to Matthew who's on the sofa.] Mary: So, what did the lawyer want? I presume he turned up. Matthew: He did...and it's rather complicated. But you were right, it was about Reggie's will. Mary: So, he's left you something? Matthew: Never mind that now. Just sit down and tell me about the relations that are coming for the wedding. I want to unscramble them in my head. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHEN - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Daisy is cleaning up the kitchen as Mrs Patmore takes off her apron.] Mrs Patmore: Go to bed when you're done. Daisy: I'll go to bed when I'm ready. [Mrs Patmore looks up.] Mrs Patmore: What's happened to you? Have you swapped places with your evil twin? Daisy: I'd like to know where the new kitchen maid is. That's what you promised. They've got a new footman, where's the kitchen maid? Mrs Patmore: I know and I'm sorry, but I spoke to Mr Carson tonight and they won't be taking anyone new on. Daisy: Except a footman. Mrs Patmore: I don't know how Mr Carson managed it, because His Lordship's put his foot down. But you're called my assistant now, and you've seven shillings extra every month. Daisy: You've still kept me here with a dishonest representation. Mrs Patmore: Oh, dear! Have you swallowed a dictionary? [Mrs Patmore walks out in a huff.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Sybil and Mary are the only ones left in the room.] Sybil: Somehow none of it seems to matter when we're in Dublin. Class and all that just seems to fade away. I'm Mrs Branson and we get on with our lives like millions of others. [Mary nods in understanding.] Sybil: But here, he feels so patronised, and he hates it. Mary: But you don't regret it? Sybil: No, never. [They both smile.] Sybil: He's a wonderful, wonderful man. [Mary gives Sybil an affectionate touch.] Sybil: I just wish you knew him. Mary: Darling, we will know him. We'll know him and value him. I promise. Sybil: (smiles) Anyway...I best go upstairs [They rise from the couch.] Sybil: Make sure he's not too suicidal. Goodnight. [They kiss goodnight.] Mary: Oh, by the way, I don't know if Mama's told you, but the whole Grey family's coming tomorrow night. [Mary's mouth twitches. Sybil exhales in amusement.] Sybil: Including Larry? [Mary nods with an amused smile.] Sybil: Crikey. [Sybil laughs.] Mary: You'd better warn Tom. [Sybil turns to go.] Mary: Oh, and Sybil, if I were you, I wouldn't tell Papa about being Mrs Branson. [They chuckle slightly and Sybil agrees with a shake of her head. She leaves and Mary takes a sip of tea.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GUEST BEDROOM - NIGHT] Tom: But who are the Greys? And why does it matter that they're coming? [Sybil takes off her robe.] Sybil: The father, Lord Merton, is Mary's godfather, but Larry Grey used to be keen on me when we were young. Tom: Were you keen on him. Sybil: No, I don't think so. I can hardly remember, to be honest. [Sybil gets into bed and Tom puts his arm around her.] Tom: So, what are you saying? Sybil: Well, nothing, particularly. But we could run into Ripon and find some tails. We have the money. Tom: I won't spend more of that money. Sybil: All right. [Sybil takes Tom's hand and he looks at it.] Sybil: Please don't talk about Ireland all the time. [He looks at her.] Sybil: I just want to make things easier for you. Tom: For me or for you? Don't disappoint me, Sybil. Not now that we're here. [They regard each other for a moment, and then he leans down and they kiss. He kisses her forehead and they cuddle.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Matthew and Mary linger.] Mary: Shall I order the car? Matthew: I don't think I can refuse a lift with Mother and then make the poor man go out again. [Matthew sits down.] Matthew: I'll walk. Mary: It might rain. Matthew: Then I'll get wet. [Mary chuckles and they smile at one another from across the room. Matthew holds out his hand to her.] Matthew: Now come and kiss me. [Mary takes a couple of steps towards him, then stops and folds her hands in front of her.] Mary: So, if they can't find Mr...Pillbox... [Matthew drops his hand and closes his eyes with a smile and a turn of his head.] Mary: What will you do with the money? Matthew: Pulbrook, and...they will find him. [Mary nods.] Mary: But if they don't. Matthew: Then...I'll decide what to do. Or we will. [Mary nods. Matthew thinks about it.] Matthew: Because I can't keep it. Mary: No. Of course not. [Matthew takes a casual sip of his drink and Mary stands there, somewhat stiffly.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CORA'S BEDROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Cora and Robert sit across from each other in their dressing gowns.] Cora: Why were you so heavily invested in one enterprise? Wasn't it foolish? Has some of my fortune been lost? Robert: Some...? [Robert shakes his head.] Robert: All. Or almost all. [Cora looks at Robert with pitying shock. Robert begins to cry. He leans forward on his hands and elbows.] Cora (whisper): Oh, my dear. [Cora watches him cry with pity and then crouches to her knees to comfort him.] Cora (whisper): How terrible for you. Robert: It's not so good for you. [Cora laughs.] Cora: Don't worry about me, I'm an American. I have gun, will travel. [Robert looks at her with encouragement.] Robert: Oh, thank God for you. [Robert kisses her hand.] Robert: Anyway. [He kisses her hand again, giving in to a few more tears before looking up.] Cora: You know what? [Cora looks up at him with a smile.] Cora: I'm glad we have a wedding to celebrate. Let's make sure it's a great day. If it's to be our last, let's make it a wonderful last. And enjoy our lovely home and the lovely people we spend our life among. [Cora and Robert embrace.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON VILLAGE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Tom walks toward the Grantham Arms and Matthew sees him in the street.] Matthew: A bit early for drowning your sorrows. Tom: I thought it might be better if I moved down to the pub. Matthew: You're not serious? Tom: I can't go through too many more dinners like last night. Matthew: You don't make it easy for them. You really think you can recruit Cousin Robert for Sinn Féin? [Tom chuckles with a shake of his head.] Tom: I don't know what gets into me. I can see them staring and I know they don't want me here. Matthew: Well, don't include me. Or Mary. Tom: She wasn't too keen on the idea of a chauffeur for a brother-in-law. Matthew: Forget that, she's a...pragmatist. [Matthew rolls his eyes.] TOM (nods) She could be a tough fighter, too. Matthew: Well, let's hope she's not tested. Now, forget this, and walk back. We're brothers-in-law with high-minded wives. We better stick together. [Tom grins as they walk off together.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PRISON - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [A guard escorts Bates to his meeting with Anna.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Bates hands Anna a letter.] Bates: It's all there. Friends - though there weren't too many - tradesmen, acquaintances. But I can't see what you'll get out of them. Anna: I do not believe, when Vera decided to kill herself, she never mentioned it to another living soul. Bates: We know she left no note. I wish to God she had. But why are you sure it was suicide and not murder? Anna: Well, I know you didn't kill her. Then what's the alternative? A thief broke in, cooked an arsenic pie and forced her to eat it? It's not a very likely scenario. Bates: You can see why they convicted me. Anna: I'm going to write to everyone in the book, in case she said or, please God, wrote anything that could suggest a desire to die. Bates: But how long will it take? Anna: Why? Are you going somewhere? [Anna gives Bates a small, playful smile. He smiles back.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - EVENING] Alfred: Should have gone into cooking. I used to watch them in the kitchens and I could pick it up in a [?]. Daisy: Why didn't you then? O'Brien: Oh, it's a hard ladder for a man. For every Escoffier monsieur [?], there's a thousand dogsbodies taking orders from a cross and red faced old woman. [Alfred chuckles. Mrs Patmore appears behind them.] Mrs Patmore: Er, who's this you're discussing? O'Brien: Hello, Mrs Patmore. I didn't see you standing there. Mrs Patmore: Obviously not. [Alfred smiles in amusement. Daisy and Mrs Patmore clear away the dishes from the table.] Alfred: Mum and Aunt Sarah thought I'd be better off as a butler? And so that's what I'm trying for. Daisy: I think you're right. I know I'd rather be giving the orders. [Daisy walks off with the tray.] Mrs Patmore: To a cross and red faced old woman. Yes, we know. [Mrs Patmore follows her out with another tray. Alfred pours O'Brien another cup of tea and she smiles at him.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY EDITH'S BEDROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna finishes Edith's hair.] Anna: There. Is that what you meant? Edith: Yes. Perfect. Slightly new, but not too different. We'll see if Sir Anthony notices. [Anna chuckles with a smile.] Edith: I know they all think he's too old for me, but he's not. Bates is older than you and you are as happy as lovebirds. Anna: Our situation is hardly ideal, but... Yes. We're very happy together. Edith: Which is all that matters. [Edith checks her appearance in the mirror.] Edith: As I keep telling them. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Thomas walks past O'Brien .] Thomas: I've no time to talk. O'Brien: His Lordship's not come up yet. [Thomas stops and turns to face her.] Thomas: Well? What is it? O'Brien: I was hoping you could help young Alfred to find his way about. Thomas: As a footman, you mean? O'Brien: As a valet. [Thomas raises his eyebrows and turns away. O'Brien follows.] O'Brien: He's looking after Mr Branson now. Though, I daresay, a chauffeur can dress himself. [Thomas stops to listen.] O'Brien: But you could tell him what he needs to know, give him an advantage. Thomas: Why? What's the rush? O'Brien: You've heard Mr Matthew has turned down Mr Molesley. Thomas: Blimey, you don't want much, do you? Can you remember what I had to go through to be a valet? O'Brien: (chuckles) Of course, I watched it, didn't I? Thomas: But young Alfred is to make the great leap in one bound? Well, I'm sorry, Miss O'Brien, but I'm not convinced, if you'll excuse me. [O'Brien is unhappy with his response as he enters Robert's dressing room.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FRONT DOOR - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [The guests arrive in motor cars.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING] Matthew: It's infuriating. There's nothing he can do. Mary: I don't agree. I think it's feeble. He should will himself not to be ill and then collapse the next day. [Matthew sighs and gives Mary an amused look at her unreasonableness. She smiles at her own humour.] Mary: Whom will you ask instead? Matthew: I'm not sure. [Larry Grey speaks with Tom Branson in another part of the room.] Larry Grey: I've known Sybil all my life. So you can imagine how curious I was when I found out you'd be here tonight. I never thought we'd meet in person. Tom: As opposed to what? In spirit? [Larry considers the comment, then straightens up pompously.] Larry Grey: Well, you see, to us, in marrying you, it seemed like Sybil had left Downton Abbey forever. If you...know what I mean. [Larry gives an arrogant chuckle.] Tom: I know exactly what you mean. [Larry nods.] Larry Grey: Did they lose your suitcase on the way over? How maddening for you. Tom: No, my suitcase arrived safely, thank you. [Tom puts down his drink.] Tom: Along with my manners. [Tom walks away angrily. Violet sees him as she and Isobel enter.] Violet: He's still dressed as the man from the prudential, I see. [Violet takes a deep breath.] Isobel: Yes, it's nice to have someone from the real world, isn't it? [Isobel walks off and Violet purses her lips. Robert walks over to her.] Robert: Hello, Mamma. Can I tempt you to one of these new cocktails? Violet: No, no, I don't think so. They look too exciting for so early in the evening, don't you think so, Carson? Mr Carson: Better avoided, my lady. Violet: I don't think so. [Violet waves away the tray of drinks. Edith joins Isobel and Sir Anthony in another part of the room.] Isobel: What a pleasure it is to see you out and about, Sir Anthony. Sir Anthony: I want to say, "Can I be of any help?" but you don't seem to need any. Edith: He doesn't need help at all, do you? He won't let me do anything. Sir Anthony: Mustn't be a nuisance, you know? Isobel: Are you coming to the wedding? [Sir Anthony opens his mouth to answer, but Edith answers immediately.] Edith: Of course. Sir Anthony: Well...if you really want me. Edith: I do. I really do. [Edith smiles at him and he smiles back.] Sir Anthony: You look very nice. Have you done something jolly with your hair? [Edith's mouth opens in pleased surprise. Sir Anthony sees something behind her.] Sir Anthony: I say, what the devil? Edith: What is it? [Edith and Isobel turn to see Larry turning away from a small table.] Mr Carson: Dinner is served, Your Ladyship. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Alfred enters shaking his head.] Daisy: How's it going? Alfred: Awkward. Mr Branson's well aware Lady Sybil doesn't like it much. [Alfred picks up the next dinner tray.] Alfred: I don't understand it. He's only had one cocktail. Daisy: Maybe he was drinking before he came down to calm his nerves. [Alfred sighs with a shake of his head and exits with the tray. Daisy and Mrs Patmore make significant looks.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] Tom: No, I don't agree! And I don't care who knows it! [Sybil puts down her silverware, upset by Tom's behaviour.] Tom: Or that the Black and Tans are there to restore order, are they? Well, why don't they just murder the entire population, and then you wouldn't hear a squeak out of any of them!? [Mary is also tense from Tom's awkward shouting.] Violet: Is there any way to shut him up? Robert: If I knew how to control him, he wouldn't be here in the first place. Cora: Are you interested in Irish politics, Lord Merton? Lord Merton: Well, I was only just saying that I thought-- Tom: He's interested in Irish repression! Like all of you. [Larry smiles, trying to hold in his laughter.] Matthew: Look, old chap, of course this stuff matters a great deal to you. Tom: Yes, it does matter. This stuff. [Mary looks over and sees Larry holding in another smile.] Tom: It matters a very great deal. Mary: What's so funny? Larry Grey: Nothing, I'm just enjoying this vivid display of Irish character. [Sir Anthony looks at Larry sharply.] Sybil: Please, Tom, we don't need to wear everyone out. Tom: Why? What's the matter? Am I not being polite enough? [Tom tosses his napkin on the table.] Sir Anthony: Well, wait a minute. This was down to you, wasn't it? [Larry furrows his eyebrows in confusion.] Larry Grey: I don't know what you mean. Sir Anthony: Yes, you do. I saw you. You put something in his drink, didn't you? Just before we came in. [Everyone looks at Larry.] Sybil: That's not true, is it, Larry? Edith: What a beastly thing to do. Larry Grey: Oh, come on, Edith. That's not like you. You could always take a joke. [Edith stares in surprise.] Mary: A bully's defence. [Larry turns to Mary and his smile drops.] Mary: Listen everyone, Mr Grey has given my brother-in-law something to make him appear drunk. Violet: Could it be drink? Mary: No, not drink. Some horrible pill. Sybil, take him upstairs. Robert: Il ne manque ça. [Sybil and Isobel fuss over helping Tom.] Cora: Tom has been the victim of a cruel prank, which I know you will all be kind enough to forget. Violet: Forgive, perhaps. Forget, never. Lord Merton: Is this true, Larry? Larry Grey: I don't know why you're getting so hot under the collar. He's only a grubby little chauffeur chap-- [Lord Merton, Matthew, and Robert all bolt out of their chairs in indignation.] Lord Merton: Be silent this instant, sir! [Larry stares wide-eyed at his father. Lord Merton turns calmly to Tom, who's slightly hunched over on the serving table with Sybil's support.] Lord Merton: I apologize for my son, Mr Branson. Unreservedly. I only hope you'll recover before the wedding. [Tom nods.] Matthew: I hope so, too. [Matthew steps over to Tom.] Matthew: Since I want him to be my best man. [Matthew claps Tom on the shoulder. Robert looks at Matthew in surprise as he's about to sit down, and Carson and Isobel's jaws drop. Isobel shortly recovers.] Isobel: Bravo! Well said! [Tom stares at Matthew and Sybil smiles.] Sybil: Do you really mean it? [Tom stares at Matthew with bright hopefulness in his eyes.] Tom: Honestly? Matthew: I've told you before, if we're mad enough to take on the Crawley girls, we have to stick together. [Mary beams happily.] Mary: Oh! Thank you, Matthew. Thank you so much. [Matthew smiles and Tom pats him on the arm as he hunches toward the door.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. FRONT DOOR - EVENING] Edith: That was rather marvellous of you...to expose Larry Grey like that. You saved the day, really. Sir Anthony: Oh, I wouldn't say that. Matthew saved the day. Edith: No, it was you. [Sir Anthony smiles modestly.] Edith: I do hope we'll be seeing a bit more of you once the wedding's over. Sir Anthony: Well, er... Edith: Wouldn't you like that? Sir Anthony: Oh, I should like that very much. Much more than I probably ought to. [Edith smiles.] Robert: Edith, let Sir Anthony go. [Robert calls to her from the doorway as another pair of guests leave. Sir Anthony turns around to look at Robert. Edith takes the opportunity to lean in and kiss his cheek. He smiles a bit, then puts on his hat and watches at her as she returns to the house.] Edith: Goodnight, Papa. [Sir Anthony's car drives away and Robert enters the house.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - NIGHT] Robert: Well, that's the last of them. Where are the others? Cora: They've gone to bed. Robert: So has Edith. And so should we. [Robert goes for a nightcap.] Robert: Golly. What a night for the county to feed off. Cora: But it was good of Matthew to show solidarity. Robert: I suppose so. We're going to need all the solidarity we can muster. [Robert takes a sip.] Cora: When will you tell the girls ? Robert: I think I should tell Mary now. Cora: No, not before the wedding, surely. Robert: I must. They're disagreeing about where they should live, so it'd be wrong for me to keep it from them. Then they can discuss it on the honeymoon and decide more sensibly. Do you think we should say something to your mother when she gets here? Cora: No. She'll go into state mourning and cast a pall over the whole proceedings. Robert: (chuckles) Thank God she missed tonight's drama or we'd never hear the end of it. Cora: Don't worry. She'll bring enough drama of her own. [Cora chuckles.] Robert: Mm. [Robert takes a drink.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PRISON, BATES'S CELL - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Bates looks over the pages Anna gave him.] Craig: Won't work, you know? And if you don't admit your guilt, they won't let you go when the time comes. Bates: How can I admit what isn't true? Craig: Why do you have to be so pious? [Bates shifts his head, but doesn't respond.] Craig: You're a touchy fellow, aren't you? Bates: Don't push me, Craig. Craig: Is that a warning? Bates: Yes. Yes, it is. [Bates glares over his shoulder.] Bates: I'm warning you. [Craig stares at Bates and Bates turns back to his desk.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY MARY'S BEDROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna and the Crawley sisters look over Mary's new outfit.] Edith: I'm not sure about the hat. Is it supposed to look crooked? Sybil: Don't listen to her. I love it. You're not to change a thing. Mary: Anna? Anna: I think you look lovely, milady. [Mary smiles. There's a knock at the door and the ladies turn around.] Sybil: Stop. Wait. Who is it? [The door stops opening.] Robert: Your longsuffering papa. Mary: I suppose he can come in. [Robert enters and Mary holds out her hands for his opinion.] Robert: What's this for? Mary: Going away. [Mary twists so he can see the back.] Mary: How does it look? Robert: Expensive. [Edith smiles.] Mary: Twice the national debt, I'm afraid. [Robert chuckles.] Mary: But I know you don't mind. [Mary cringes hopefully/apologetically.] Robert: Can I have one moment alone to give Mary my blessing? Sybil: That's lovely. Shoo, everyone. [The other girls leave and Mary takes off her hat, then turns back to her father.] Mary: Go on. Bless me. [Mary raises her eyes to the heavens playfully.] Robert: Of course. [Robert steps forward.] Robert: But there's something I feel I ought to tell you first. I wanted to wait until you got back, but I don't believe I can. Mary: That sounds rather ominous. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON VILLAGE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Tom crosses the street.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE, FRONT HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Tom enters and takes off his hat.] Tom: Hello, Mr Molesley. I got a message to call on Mrs Crawley. Mr Molesley: Very good, sir. [Molesley bows. Tom walks toward the living room, but Molesley speaks up.] Mr Molesley: If you'd like to... [Molesley nods to Tom's hat.] Mr Molesley: ...give me your hat and coat, sir. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE, LIVING ROOM - DAY] Violet: Are you going up to the house...to welcome the Queen of Sheeba? Isobel: Oh, I think so. Are you? Violet: No. I'll pay homage at dinner. Isobel: I've always admired the way Mrs Levinson is never overawed by the whole set up at Downton. Violet: Was Napoleon overawed by the Bourbons? [The door opens and Mr Molesley enters with Tom.] Violet: Oh. [They turn to face Tom.] Isobel: Come in, Tom. May I call you Tom? Tom: Of course. Good afternoon, milady. That is, Lady Grantham. I'm glad to find you here because...I want to apologize for last night. [Violet holds out a hand with a shake of her head, dismissing his apoloogy.] Isobel: Oh, there's no need. We know it was not your fault. Violet: You weren't the first drunk in that dining room, I can assure you. [Isobel chuckles and Tom smiles.] Tom: Only the first republican. Violet: Well, you've got me there. TOM (to Isobel) Why was it you wanted to see me? Isobel: We've asked Molesley to look out Matthew's old morning coat. He's confident he can make it fit. Tom: That's very kind, ladies, but you see, I don't approve of the costumes. I see them as the uniform of oppression, and I should be uncomfortable wearing them. Violet: Are you quite finished? [Tom looks at Violet, his polite pride fading to curiosity.] Tom: I have. Violet: Good. Please take off your coat. [Tom looks at Isobel for help, his mouth open in surprise, but her expression doesn't change.] Violet: Molesley, do help him. [Molesley steps up to Tom.] Mr Molesley: If you'll just slip it off, sir. [Tom gives up with a sigh and unbuttons his coat, clearing his throat. Molesley helps him out of it and picks up the morning coat.] Violet: Shouldn't he put the waistcoat on first? [Molesley helps Tom into the morning coat as Matthew enters.] Matthew: What's going on? Tom: They're forcing me into a morning coat. Matthew: He has no say in it? Violet: No, he doesn't, and nor do you. [Matthew raises an eyebrow and he and Tom look at each other. Molesley finishes adjusting the morning coat.] Violet: Well, what do you think, Molesley? Mr Molesley: It'll need lifting a little hem, milady. Violet: Mm-hmm. Mr Molesley: We'll move the buttons so. Violet: Well, I think the shoulders [Molesley inspects the shoulders with tilts of his head.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, FRONT DOOR - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [A red motorcar arrives. The servants and family are lined up to greet it. Robert and Cora step forward to welcome Cora's mother. Alfred hands Mrs Levinson out of the motorcar.] Mrs Levinson: Come war and peace, Downton still stands and the Crawleys are still in it. Cora. [Mrs. Levinson steps forward to hug her daughter.] Cora: Mother, how lovely to see you. Mrs Levinson: As long as it is. Robert, aren't you going to kiss me? [Cora steps back and Robert steps forward.] Robert: With the greatest enthusiasm. [Robert gives Mrs Levinson a kiss on the cheek. Robert looks at the red motorcar.] Robert: Tell me, where does this come from? Mrs Levinson: I hired it in Liverpool. Why? Robert: Well, I thought it might be a gift from the U.S. government to help get Britain back on its feet. [Mrs Hughes, Mr Carson, and Mrs Levinson chuckle. Mrs Levinson steps up to them.] Mrs Levinson: Carson and Mrs Hughes, the world has moved on since last we met. Mr Carson: And we have moved on with it, my lady. Mrs Levinson: Really? (chuckle) It seems so strange to think of the English embracing change. Mrs Hughes, this is my maid, Reed. [Reed and Mrs Hughes nod to each other, and Reed takes her place in the servant's line. Mrs Levinson turns to her grandchildren.] Mrs Levinson: Sybil, tell me all about the arrangements for the birth. [Mrs Levinson embraces Sybil lightly and receives a kiss.] Mrs Levinson: We do these things so much better in the States. [Mrs Levinson turns to the next girl.] Mrs Levinson: Edith, still no one special? [Edith smiles with a sigh and a shrug.] Mrs Levinson: Well, never mind. You must take a tip from the modern American girl. [Mrs Levinson proceeds to Mary.] Mrs Levinson: Ah, Mary. Dearest Mary. [Mrs Levinson lightly embraces Mary to receive a kiss.] Mrs Levinson: Now. You tell me all of your wedding plans and I'll see what I can do to improve them. [Mrs Levinson walks into the house. The family all exchange looks, recovering from the whirlwind American mother-in-law. Cora and Robert enter the house, the others following in order of rank.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [O'Brien looks at Daisy, who's sitting at the table pouting with her arms crossed.] O'Brien: What's the matter with you? [Reed enters.] Daisy: Mrs Patmore knows. Reed: Should I tell you Mrs Levinson's requirements during her stay? Daisy: No, tell her. Mrs Patmore: Er, yes. Miss Reed, how can I help? Reed: Well, to start with, I will need goat's milk in the mornings. Mrs Patmore: Goat's milk? Oh, fancy that. Reed: She drinks only boiled water. Mrs Patmore: Really? Reed: In England, that is. Anna: Shouldn't Daisy be doing this? Alfred: I ought to take the tea up. Mrs Patmore: Oh, I'll have it ready in a moment. [Mrs Patmore walks toward the kitchens. Daisy wathes with pursed lips, her arms still crossed.] Reed: No fats, no crab, and nothing from the marrow family. [Mrs Patmore walks out with Reed and Daisy's stiff demeanor fades into uncertainty.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - DAY] Mrs Levinson: Do explain again how exactly you are related to all of us, Mr Crawley. [Matthew sighs with some amusement.] Matthew: Rather distantly, I'm afraid. [Tom places his hand over Sybil's affectionately and she smiles back at him.] Matthew: My great, great grandfather was a younger son of the third earl. [Isobel chuckles.] Mrs Levinson: My. Hm, I'm going to have to write that down so I can study it. Robert: Look at our page in Burke's. You'll find Matthew there. Mrs Levinson: Good, because I would so like to understand why he gets to inherit my late husband's money. Matthew: (chuckle) I know, it's funny isn't it? [Cora and Mary chuckle.] Mrs Levinson: Not everyone shares your sense of humour. Isobel: But surely it doesn't matter now that they're getting married. [Mrs Levinson tips her head up in acknowledgement.] Mary: In fact, we'd better turn him out, or it'll be bad luck for tomorrow. Cora: Quite right. [Matthew looks at his watch and stands. The gentlemen stand as Cora and Mary exit with him.] Mrs Levinson: You must be the chauffeur I've heard so much about. Tom: I am, ma'am. Sybil: Tom's a journalist now, Grandmamma. Mrs Levinson: Oh, well, well. I've heard of those journeys on my side of the water. It's very pleasant to hear of them happening here. [Robert looks less than pleased, but Tom and Sybil smile.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Cora walks with Mary and Matthew.] Mary: It's all right, Mamma. You can leave us unchaperoned. After tomorrow, all things are permitted. [Cora chuckles with a blush.] Cora: Don't embarrass me. Bye Matthew. [She squeezes his arm on her way out.] Cora: Get a good night's sleep. [Mary and Matthew look around the hall.] Mary: How many moments of Crawley history has this room seen? Matthew: And many more to come. [Mary tenses.] Mary: I hope so. In fact, what happened in the search for...Mr Pumpkin... [Matthew looks down with an amused smile.] Mary: ...Swire's heir? Have you heard anything? Matthew: Yes. Charkham sent a telegram. I've got it here, actually. Mary: Oh. [Matthew hands her the telegram and she reads it.] Mary: "Convincing proof of Pulbrook's death. Stop. Investigating date." W--what does that mean? Matthew: Well, if Pulbrook died after Reggie, then his heirs get the money, but if he died first, then I do. [Mary's brow furrows.] Mary: But that's absurd. What right have his heirs to inherit anything? Matthew: Well, darling, what right have I? And frankly, what difference does it make? I shan't keep it if I get it. Mary: Well...actually, you will. [Matthew's brows furrow.] Mary: Because something rather terrible has happened. [Matthew steps toward her with curiosity.] Mary: You see...apparently Papa has lost a great deal of money. [Matthew looks suddenly toward the library and back at Mary.] Mary: Enough to ruin him. Enough for us to lose Downton. Matthew: Oh, God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Mary: Yes, but...surely, if Mr Pulbrook did die before Swire, then...we're saved. [Matthew's expression darkens.] Matthew: Darling, I don't think you understand. [Matthew steps away.] Matthew: Reggie Swire will have got me in his will because he believed I was his daughter's one true love. Mary: So you were. [Matthew jerks violently.] Matthew: Yes, but... [Matthew walks slowly back to Mary.] Matthew: But I broke Lavinia's heart and she died. He never knew that. [Mary stares at Matthew, mouth open, brows furrowed.] Matthew: How could I possibly allow myself to...profit from her death. To--to...dine in splendour, because I took away a woman's will to live. Mary: So, you're prepared to destroy us in payment for your destroying her? Matthew: Darling, please. You know I would do anything for this family. Mary: Anything except help us. [Matthew's expression darkens again. Mary becomes increasingly upset.] Mary: Except save Papa from living out the rest of his days in humiliation and grief. And what about us? What about our children? Oh, God, Matthew, how can you be so disappointing? [Mary breaks down in tears.] Matthew: Mary, please. Mary: No! [Mary backs away from Matthew's comfort.] Mary: Don't you see what this means? Don't you see what a difference this makes? It means that you're not on our side, Matthew. It means that deep down, you're not on our side! [Mary tosses the telegram angrily and runs upstairs in tears. Matthew puts a hand over his eyes for a moment, then he sees Edith on the stairs, witnessing the end of their argument. Matthew sighs.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. PRISON - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Bates and Craig exit their cell with a guard escort. Anna meets with Bates in their usual room.] Anna: How are you getting on with your new companion? Bates: I don't like him, but so far I've kept it to myself. So...who are the bridesmaids? [Anna smiles.] Anna: You don't care about all that. Bates: You're wrong. It's the stuff of my dreams. [Bates smiles.] Bates: The panic that a dinner won't be ready, or a frock isn't ironed, or a gun wasn't cleaned. [Anna sighs with a smile.] Bates: Do you know where you're going for the honeymoon? Anna: Oh, I want to talk about that. They'll stay in London with Lady Rosamund for a couple of days just to get used to each other. [Anna lets out a small chuckle and they both smile at each other.] Anna: And then they go to the south of France. I'll hire a replacement in London, and then I'll come home instead. Lady Mary won't mind. I'll pay. Bates: Why would you do that? Anna: Well, to be near you, of course. Bates: Don't you understand? While I'm in here, you have to live my life as well as your own. Go to France, see some sights. Get us some memories. Anna: But I wouldn't be home for a month. Bates: But we'd have something to talk about. Go. I insist. [Anna studies Bates.] Bates: For my sake. [Anna considers his request.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Violet enters with Carson.] Violet: I was so afraid I was going to be late. But th-- Ah-ha-ha. [Violet sees Mrs Levinson and they greet one another.] Mrs Levinson: Violet. [Violet opens her arms and embraces Violet, who stands there accepting it awkwardly. Mrs Levinson steps back with a smile, then looks at Violet's face.] Mrs Levinson: Oh, dear. [Violet's smile is frozen.] Mrs Levinson: I'm afraid the war has made old women of us both. [Carson raises his eyebrows and exits.] Violet: Oh, I wouldn't say that. But then, I always keep out of the sun. How do you find Downton on your return? Mrs Levinson: Much the same, really. Probably too much the same, but then I don't want to cast a pall over all the happiness. Violet: How could you ever do that? [They start walking toward the drawing room.] Mrs Levinson: Tell me, what do you think of young Lochinvar who has so ably carried off our granddaughter and our money? Violet: Oh. Mrs Levinson: Do you approve of him? Violet: Not as much as you will, when you get to know him. Mrs Levinson: Hmm. Has he gone home to change? Violet: Oh, no. We won't see him again tonight. The groom never sees the bride the night before the wedding. Mrs Levinson: Ha. Nothing ever alters for you people, does it? Revolutions erupt and monarchies crash to the ground, and the groom still cannot see the bride before the wedding. Violet: You Americans never understand the importance of tradition. Mrs Levinson: Yes, we do. We just don't give it power over us. History and tradition took Europe into a world war. Maybe you should think about letting go of its hand. [Mrs Levinson pats Violet's arms and walks off. Edith enters to find Violet staring after Cora's mother.] Edith: There you are. I see you've said hello to Grandmamma. Violet (whisper): She is like a homing pigeon. She finds our underbelly every time. Dreadful woman. [Violet walks to the drawing room.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] Robert: No, it wasn't me. (to Mrs Levinson) Someone sent Sybil and Tom the price for the tickets to come over. [Mary is silent and tense from her fight with Matthew.] Sybil: Does it matter who it was? It meant we could be at the wedding. Of course, I wish it had been you, Papa, but I don't mind. I thank them, whoever they are. Cora: Well, I'm very glad you're here, but it wasn't me either, I'm sad to say. Mrs Levinson: Well, I love a mystery. Who could it be? Robert: My guess is Cousin Isobel. She always likes to stick her oar in. Sybil: I'm going to ask her. Violet: For heaven's sake, it was me. [Robert looks up in shock, putting down his spoon. Even Mary is shocked out of her nervous state, and Tom looks up in surprise.] Sybil: You? But it wasn't your writing. Violet: No. Smithers did it. Like all ladies' maids, she lives for intrigue. Tom: You wanted me to come here? Violet: I wanted Sybil and her husband to be here for Mary's wedding, yes. [Carson drops Tom's napkin on him with a grimace, for Tom to put in his lap.] Sybil: Why keep that secret? Violet: Silly, wasn't it? [Mary stares at the table, her brows furrowed.] Tom: I'm very touched. I'll admit it. Mrs Levinson: How democratic. Makes me think maybe I've been mistaken in you. Violet: I am a woman of many parts. After all, Branson is a me-- I mean, Tom. Ha. You're a member of the family now. [The corner of Tom's mouth turns up into a smile.] Violet: You'll find we Crawleys stick together. Mary: Not always. [Mary mopes.] Cora: Mary, what is it? Mary: Oh, nothing. It's just... [Mary can't hold it in. She leaves the table in tears. Tom and Robert stand and Violet reaches her hand out to Mary's retreating figure.] Violet: Oh, Mary, dear... [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Alfred enters.] Mrs Patmore: Oh, there you are. That's all for this course. [Mrs Patmore places a gravy boat on Alfred's serving tray.] Mrs Patmore: Don't you think, Daisy?! [Mrs Patmore shouts down the table where Daisy is sitting with pursed lips and arms crossed.] Alfred: Is Daisy all right, Mrs Patmore? Mrs Patmore: Oh, yes. She's been such a big help. Now, I think we should check the pudding, Daisy. Don't you agree?! [Daisy doesn't move.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] Cora: It's nerves. Everyone cries at some point before their wedding. Mrs Levinson: But what was the quarrel about? Edith: I'm not sure. I know she accused him of not being on our side. Violet: Oh, well, I hope she's wrong. That could be rather serious. Robert: Of course he's on our side. It's ridiculous. I'll go and see him. Tom: No, I'll go. [Robert looks at Tom in unpleasant surprise.] Tom: I'm his best man. I should be the one to go. Robert: What? Tom: I know what it is to marry into this family. I'm not comparing myself to Mr Crawley, but he is another kind of outsider. Robert: Well, I hardly-- Mrs Levinson: Well, why not? He's the one that will lose his job if the wedding's cancelled. [Robert and Tom regard each other for a moment, then they leave the subject.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Daisy approaches Mrs Patmore proudly.] Daisy: I see what you're doing, you know. Mrs Patmore: What's that then? Daisy: Not responding to my protest. Mrs Patmore: Oh, "Not responding to my protest". Very elegant, I must say. [Mrs Patmore turns to Daisy with a hand on her hip.] Mrs Patmore: Who've you been talking to? Thomas? [Daisy is caught with no response.] Daisy: Well... [Mrs Patmore tilts her head, waiting for an answer.] Daisy: Oh, just give me the cloth and I'll dry. [Mrs Patmore tosses Daisy the cloth in victory.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY MARY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mary cries as Anna brushes her hair.] Anna: But suppose he never gets the money. Mary: It's not about the money. It's that he won't save Papa when he could. Anna: But he has to be true to himself. Mary: Well, that's the point. He puts himself above the rest of us. Don't you see? Anna: What I see is a good man, milady. [Mary looks up at Anna in the mirror, listening wholeheartedly.] Anna: And they're not like buses. There won't be another one along in ten minutes time. [Anna puts the hair brush down and goes about her business while Mary thinks over what she said.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Tom and Matthew have a drink in the living room.] Tom: It seems big, but it's not big. Matthew: And if it happens? I get the money? I can't do what she wants. Tom: It's strange for me to be arguing about inherited money and saving estates when the old me would like to put a bomb under the lot of you. [Tom and Matthew both smile in amusement.] Matthew: But? Tom: But you're meant to be together. [Matthew smiles a little.] Tom: I've known that as long as I've been at the house. And at first this kept you apart, and then that kept you apart... [Matthew looks upwards, remembering.] Tom: But please don't risk it a third time. Because I'll tell you this: you won't be happy with anyone else while Lady Mary walks the earth. [Matthew closes his eyes at Tom's social faux pas.] Matthew: Call her Mary, please. Tom: Never mind what I call her. I know what I'll call you if you let this chance slip through your fingers. [Matthew chuckles and smiles at Tom.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY MARY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [Someone knocks at Mary's door as she's sitting on the bed in her nightgown. She stares at it and Anna goes to it slowly. Anna opens the door to find Matthew at the door, Tom behind him. Anna looks back at Mary.] Matthew: I just need a word. [Mary stands up at Matthew's voice.] Mary: No. Go away. I'm undressed, you can't come in. Matthew: One word. Come to the door. Tom: Please. Just give him this chance. [Mary walks toward the door at the sound of Tom's voice.] Matthew: I won't look at you. Anna: It'd be unlucky if you did. Mary: Only if we were getting married. Matthew: Which we are. [Anna looks at Mary and asks with a tilt of her head. Mary nods that she'll talk with Matthew and Anna leaves with a smile. Matthew looks back and Tom, who gives him an encouraging smile, and Tom and Anna both disappear.] Matthew: My darling, I refuse to quarrel about something that hasn't happened and probably never will. Mary: That's what Anna says. Matthew: And she's right. My darling, I'm sure we will fight about...money...and about Downton...about how to rear our children, about any number of other things. Mary: Then shouldn't we accept it? Matthew...I've been thinking...and I'm not angry now. Truly, I'm not. But if we can disagree over something as fundamental as this, then...shouldn't we be brave and back away now? Matthew: No. Mary: It's not because you're afraid of calling it off, because I'm not. Matthew: No... [Matthew takes a breath trying to form the words.] Matthew: It's because of something Tom said. [Mary's eyebrows furrow as she waits for his answer.] Matthew: That I would never be happy with anyone else as long as you walked the earth. Which is true. And...I think you feel the same about me. [Mary thinks about it and raises her eyebrows when she realises the truth.] Matthew: Can I kiss you? [Mary turns her head in surprise.] Matthew: 'Cause I need to. [Mary smiles.] Matthew: Very much. Mary: No. It's bad luck to look at me. Matthew: What about if I close my eyes and you do too. [Mary thinks about it for a moment.] Mary: All right. But you mustn't cheat. [Mary waits for Matthew to step around the open door. He steps inside with a smile and she feels her way forward with a hand on his chest. Her hand slides to his face and they kiss. When they pull apart, Mary opens her eyes. They both smile, though Matthew's eyes are still closed. Mary stands there with her hand on his chest and closes her eyes again.] Matthew: Goodnight. [They both smile again and Matthew steps backward out of her room. Mary opens her eyes and looks at the floor dreamily.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Tom descends the stairs in full morning coat apparel. He encounters Robert in the hall.] Tom: Right. I'm off to collect Matthew. Robert: You look very smart. Tom: I hope so. Because I'm extremely uncomfortable. [Tom chuckles with a smile as he fidget with his sleeve. He begins to head out again.] Robert: Branson. [Tom stops. Robert exhales.] Robert: That is...Tom. [Tom walks back toward Robert.] Robert: I want to thank you for what you did last night. I'm grateful. I mean it. Tom: We're both strong characters. I'd say we have plenty of slamming doors and shouting matches to come. [Robert is aghast for a moment, then he recovers himself with a sigh.] Robert: Forgive me, I was about to be indignant, but of course, you have a perfect right to speak as you do. Tom: I hope you mean that, too. Robert: I do. Now, hurry up. [They smile at each other and Tom exits.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY MARY'S BEDROOM - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna finishes up Mary's hair with a laurel tiara.] Cora: You'd ask, wouldn't you, if there was anything you wanted me to tell you. I mean, I'm sure you know. Mary: More than you did. [Cora exhales.] Mary: And relax. There isn't anything I need to hear now. Cora: Because when two people love each other, you understand, everything... [Sybil raises her eyebrows, waiting for their mother's response.] Cora: Is the most terrific fun. [Sybil laughs.] Mary: Careful, Mamma, or you'll shock Anna. Anna: I'm a married woman now, milady. [The married ladies chuckle.] Edith: I think we should go. Sybil: What about Anna? How are you going to get to the church? Anna: They're waiting for me in the wagonette. I'll see you there. [Anna steps back and Mary turns around on her chair. Sybil kneels down in front of her.] Sybil: I know mine was a wild runaway marriage, darling, and yours is the one everyone wanted, but what's so thrilling is that this is every bit as romantic. Mary: Thank you. For always being so sweet. [They kiss each other on the cheek and Sybil stands back. Mary stands and Edith faces her.] Edith: Love and position in one handsome package. Who could ask for more? [Mary exhales and gives Cora a sidelong look as Edith leaves with Sybil. Mary faces Cora.] Cora: Never mind Edith. Well... [Cora steps up to Mary.] Cora: Very, very good luck my beautiful daughter. [Cora squeezes Mary's hands and leaves. Anna steps forward and unties the robe over Mary's wedding gown.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT/EXT. FRONT DOOR - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Hughes brings the flower girls to their motorcar.] Mrs Hughes: Now, you've a great big motorcar all to yourselves. Just think of that. So we'll expect you to behave as if you were quite grown up. You can do that, can't you? [One of the flower girls runs over to O'Brien.] O'Brien: Have you got everything you need? FLOWER GIRL Yes. O'Brien: [?] then. Careful of your dress. [O'Brien opens the car door for the girl. The girls giggle as they sit together.] O'Brien: Settle down. Mrs Hughes: All right? [Alfred closes the car door on the other side and leans in the window.] Alfred: Don't do anything I wouldn't do. FLOWER GIRLS We won't. MRS HUGHES. Buh-bye. Alfred: [?] [The motorcar drives off. A large horse drawn carriage pulls up to the front door.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Daisy and Mrs Patmore are busy arranging a beautiful array of appetisers.] Mrs Hughes: Have you got everything you need? Mrs Patmore: We do. Now, be off with you and enjoy yourself. [Mrs Hughes leaves.] Daisy: I wish we were going. Mrs Patmore: And who would get the food ready for when they come back? But still, fetch your coat, and we'll see her off. [Daisy smiles and they exit.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [The family walks toward the front door, Edith and Sybil arm in arm.] Robert: Right. See you in a minute. [Sybil and Edith smile at Robert as they follow their mother out.] Sybil: And so should you. [Carson enters.] Mr Carson: They just leaving now, my lord, as soon as we've got Anna. Robert: Ah. [Anna calls down the stairs.] Anna: Here comes the bride. [Robert and Carson look up as Anna descends with a bouquet. Mary walks down, her veil flowing out behind her. Robert and Carson's jaws drop at the sight of her and step forward.] Mary: Will I do, Carson? [Mary smiles. Carson looks at her in awe with tears in his eyes.] Mr Carson: Very nicely, my lady. [Mary steps down to the hall and her father meets her.] Robert: Thank heavens you got everything settled. You had me worried. Mary: It's not quite settled, I'm afraid. He won't get off that easily. Robert: But you're happy? Mary: I am. [Robert nods.] Mary: And what about you? [Robert takes a breath before he speaks.] Robert: I'm so happy...so very happy, I feel my chest will explode. [Robert kisses Mary's cheek with tears in his eyes. He offers her his arm and they walk toward the front door together.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON CHURCH - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Edith finds Sir Anthony.] Edith: It's so lovely that you're here. Come behind us. Sir Anthony: I can't, I'm not family. Edith: Well, you almost are. [Anthony scoffs and allows Edith to lead him to his seat. Matthew and Tom arrive and hand their hats to a servant.] Matthew: Morning. Thank you. Tom: Thank you. [Matthew addresses Molesley in a back row.] Matthew: Molesley. [Molesley stands and O'Brien watches them.] Matthew: I'm very grateful to you for keeping Mr Branson up to the mark. We both are, aren't we? Tom: We certainly are. MOLESLEY Thank you, sir. [Tom and Matthew walk toward the altar and Molesley catches O'Brien's eye. He smiles at her, but she turns away. Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson sit in a pew together.] Mr Carson: This is a proud day, Mrs Hughes. Mrs Hughes: I don't know if I'm proud, but I'm very glad you're happy, Mr Carson. [Cora leans over to Edith.] Cora: You're next, darling, you'll see. Edith: Will I? [Cora smiles and takes Edith's hand. Cora and Mrs Levinson sit together.] Violet: It's so encouraging to see the future unfurl. [Mrs Levinson looks over at Violet coolly.] Mrs Levinson: As long as you remember it will bear no resemblance to the past. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON VILLAGE - MORNING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Church bells chime and the villagers wave flags and cheer as Lady Mary's carriage drives toward the church. They follow it to the gate and continue cheering as Robert and Mary step out. Matthew and Tom hear the crowd's cheers as they sit in the front pew. They look at each other and smile. The organ starts and Tom leans over just as everyone stands.] Tom: Good luck. [Tom and Matthew face the altar as Robert walks Mary down the aisle. Matthew peeks around his shoulder to see Mary smiling at him. He returns the smile. Robert leads Mary to the altar and steps back. Matthew leans over.] Matthew: You came. To be honest, I wasn't completely sure you would. Mary: I'm glad to hear it. I should hate to be predictable. [They begin to chuckle.]

Oscar-winning actress Shirley MacLaine joins the cast of the period drama as Cora's mother Martha, who makes a grand entrance when she arrives at Downton for Matthew and Mary's wedding. However, with the couple struggling to stay united as their big day looms, will Martha's Atlantic crossing have been for nothing? Meanwhile, Mr Carson runs the rule over new footman Alfred, and Robert receives news that could leave him facing the greatest crisis of his life - and plunge the rest of the household into chaos.

fd_Teen_Wolf_02x07

fd_Teen_Wolf_02x07_0

Jessica: You promised this was only gonna be for a few weeks. Sean: Look, just because we're in a trailer does not mean we're trailer park trash. Jessica: Exactly. We're worse. We don't even have enough money to be in a trailer park. Sean: Don't have a meltdown, okay? It's probably just the generator. Jessica: You mean the thing that runs the electricity and water. I'm sorry. I'm just tired of feeling slightly terrified all the time. It's not like I wanna be. Sean: Hey, look, it's going to get better. Jessica: Sean? Jessica: Noooo! Allison: If Jackson doesn't know what he's doing, then he probably doesn't know that someone's controlling him. Scott: Or he doesn't remember. Stiles: What if it's the same kind of thing that happened with Lydia when she took off from the hospital? Allison: A fugue state? Scott: He'd have to forget everything. The murder - Allison: Getting rid of the blood. Stiles: Yeah, he had help with one thing tough - the video. And someone else helped him forget that. Scott: Whoever's controlling him. Allison: Are you sure Jackson has no clue about any of this? Stiles: He thinks he's still becoming a werewolf and that being with Lydia somehow delayed the whole thing. Allison: So do we try and convince him he's not? Scott: If it helps us find out who's controlling him, then yeah. Allison: Do you think he'll talk to us after what we did? Stiles: Yeah, it's us. He'll talk to us. Right? Sheriff: You will not go within 50 feet of Jackson Whittemore. You will not speak to him. You will not approach him. You will not assault or harass him physically or psychologically. Stiles: What about school? Sheriff: You can attend classes while attempting to maintain a 50 - foot distance. Stiles: Bu - okay, what if we both have to use the bathroom at the same time and there's only two stalls available and they're only right next to each other? I'll just hold it. Sheriff: Do I need to remind you how lucky we are that they're not pressing charges? Stiles: Oh, come on, it was just a joke. Sheriff: It was a joke? Stiles: Yes, I didn't think it would be taken this seriously. Dad, humor's very subjective, okay? I mean, we're talking, like, multiple levels of interpretation here. Sheriff: Uh - huh. Stiles: Uh - huh. Sheriff: Okay, well, how exactly am I supposed to interpret the stolen prison transport van, huh? Stiles: We filled the tank! Melissa: Move! It's not just this. Although, a restraining order is a new low that I didn't think that you would reach quite this soon. It's everything on top of it. The completely bizarre behavior, the late nights coming home, having to beg Mr. Harris for you to make up that chemistry test that you missed. Scott: I missed a chemistry test? Melissa: Really, Scott? Really? I have to ground you. I am grounding you. You are grounded. Scott: What about work? Melissa: Fine - Other than work. And no TV. Scott: My TV's broken. Melissa: Then no computer. Scott: I need the computer for school. Melissa: Then no, uh - no Stiles. Stiles: What - no Stiles? Melissa: No Stiles! And no more car privileges. Give me your keys. Give 'em to me! Oh, for the love of God. Scott: Mom, you want me to - Melissa: No. Scott: Mom, come on, let me just - mom. Mom! Melissa: What is going on with you? Is this about Allison? Scott: Do you really wanna know? Melissa: Yeah. Is this about your father? It is, isn't it? Okay, you know what, um - We'll talk about this at home. I'm gonna go get the car. Scott: I'm the worst son ever. Stiles: Well, I'm not exactly winning any prizes either. Mr. Whittemore: Dammit! You give him a restraining order, and he's mocking you! He was mo - and what do I do about going to the bathroom? What the hell - Isaac: So why do we need their help? Derek: Because it's harder to kill than I thought and I still don't know who it is. Isaac: And they do? Derek: They might. Which is why I need one of you to get on their good side. Erica: Mm. Scott or Stiles? Derek: Either. Isaac: You know, the full moon's coming, Derek. Derek: I'm aware of that. Erica: Oh my, these look comfortable. Isaac: You said you were gonna teach us to change whenever we wanted. Derek: There hasn't been time. Isaac: But if you have to lock us up during the full moon, that means - that means you're alone against the Argents. Derek: They haven't found us. Isaac: Yet! So how about we forget the kanima? Derek: We. Can't! There was something about the way Gerard looked at it. He wasn't afraid - at all. I don't know what he knows or what he's planning. But I'm sure about one thing. We have to find it first. Allison: It's everything Lydia can translate. And trust me, she was very confused. Scott: Yeah, what'd you tell her? Allison: That we were part of an online gaming community that battles mythical creatures. Stiles: I am part of an online gaming community that battles mythical creatures. Allison: O - oh. Great. Scott: Okay, does it say how to find out who's controlling him? Allison: Not really. But Stiles was right about the murderers. Stiles: Yes! Allison: It calls the kanima a weapon of vengeance. There's a story in there about this South American priest who uses the kanima to execute murderers in his village - Stiles: All right, see? So maybe it's not all that bad. Allison: Until the bond grew strong enough that it killed whoever he wanted it to. Stiles: All bad, all very, very bad. Allison: Here's the thing, though. The kanima's actually supposed to be a werewolf. But it can't be - Scott: "Until it resolves that in its past which manifested it." Stiles: Okay, if that means that Jackson could use a few thousand hours of therapy, I could've told you that myself. Allison: What if - It has something to do with his parents? His real parents. Scott: Yeah, does anybody actually know what happened to them? Stiles: Lydia might. Scott: What if she doesn't know anything? Allison: Well, he doesn't have a restraining order against me, so - I'll talk to him myself. Scott: Okay, what do I do? Allison: You have a make - up exam, remember? Promise me. Scott: If he does anything, you run the other way. Allison: I can take care of myself. Scott: Allison, if you get hurt while I'm busy with some stupid test, someone's going to need to take care of me. If he does anything - Allison: Like? Scott: Anything - Weird or bizarre - anything. Stiles: Anything evil! Ah - Ow! Teacher: Jackson? Did you still want to discuss your paper? Harris: You have one hour, Mr. McCall. Begin. Melissa: Really, Scott? I can't. Oh - Am I gonna do this? Am I gonna do this? No, I am gonna go to work. I am gonna go to work. I am just gonna straighten up. Just a little bit. Just a tad. He won't even know I was here. Matt: Oh, you just scared the hell out of me. Allison: Sorry, I wa - I was just, um, I was - nothing. Matt: Ah, that's a - nice heels. Allison: Oh! Yeah, uh, my feet were hurting, so I - Matt: Same reason I never wear mine. Allison: What? Matt: Uh, forget it. Hey, did you hear about the underground show? Apparently, they've got some big name spinning. Allison: Oh, you mean like a rave? Matt: Oh, is it still a rave if you don't roll? I just call it a party. But hey, I got a friend who can hook us up with tickets if you're down. Want me to get you one? Allison: Yeah. Yeah, great. Matt: Yeah? All right, cool. Um, it's Friday, so - Looking forward to it. Allison: Yeah. Lydia: I'm not supposed to tell anyone. Stiles: Come on, anyone who ever says "I'm not supposed to tell anyone" is always dying to tell someone, so tell me! Lydia: Why do you wanna know? Stiles: I can't tell you that. Lydia: Then I'm not telling you. Stiles: But you are telling me that you could tell me something if you wanted to tell me? Lydia: Was that a question? Stiles: It felt like a question. Lydia: Well - Tell me if this feels like an answer. No. Allison: Jackson? Jackson: In here. Is something wrong? Allison: Y - you could've warned me. Jackson: You're the one that walked into the boys' locker room. Allison: I thought I heard you - I th - forget it. Jackson: Did you wanna talk about something? Allison: We can talk later. Jackson: No. Let's talk now. [SCENE_BREAK] Stiles: Lydia! Lydia, come on! Ly - wait! Ow! Ah, ah, hey, Erica. Erica: Why are you asking Lydia about Jackson's real parents? Stiles: Why are you bringing out the claws on camera? That's right. You wanna play Catwoman? I'll be your Batman. Erica: If you're wondering about Jackson's real parents, they're about half a mile from here. In Beacon Hills cemetery. Allison: I - I have to get to cl - Jackson: Oh, no, no, you don't. No, you have perfect grades. You can skip one class. Are you okay? Your heart's beating like crazy. Scott: Allison. Stiles: Do you know how they died? Erica: Maybe. If you tell me why you're so interested. Stiles: Um - Erica: It's him, isn't it? Stiles: What? Who? Him who? Erica: The test didn't work, but it's still him. It's Jackson. Harris: What do you think you're doing? Scott: The hour's up. Harris: You're not leaving till every single one of these bubbles is filled in. Jackson: I thought you wanted to talk. Allison: I - I - I changed my mind. Jackson: You sure? Because you look a little stressed. Is it Scott? Is it that whole thing? I still can't believe you actually think your little Romeo and Juliet story is gonna last. You know he's eventually just gonna run to Derek and join up with him and his little wolf pack. If you don't realize that, then you gotta be the stupidest bitch in this town. Well, other than Scott since he's a pretty stupid bitch himself. Allison: Stop. Just stop! Jackson: What are you gonna do, Allison, hmm - when your stupid bitch of boyfriend turns on you? They kill your aunt. They almost kill Lydia. Who do you really think's gonna be next, hmm? Not you. No, no, it can't be you, because you're in love. Is that what you tell yourself, hmm? "Scott's different and everything's gonna work out because we're in love." Well, if that's what you believe, then you're already dead. I just - I just hope your dad has been teaching you moves to protect yourself. Allison: Actually, he has. Jackson: Allison? What are you doing here? Allison: I - I'm fine. I'm fine. Scott, I'm fine. Scott! Jackson: I have a restraining order! Scott: Trust me, I restrained myself. Stiles: You can't tell Derek, okay? There's a lot more to this that you don't know about. And just because you got the Alpha bite makeover doesn't give you a license to go around destroying people. Erica: Why not? That's all anybody ever used to do to me. I used to have the worst crush in the world on you. Yeah, you, Stiles. And you never once even noticed me. Exactly how you're not noticing me right now. Stiles: Scott, Scott, Scott! Guys! Harris: What the hell's going on? Hey! Enough! Enough. What do you idiots think you're doing? Jackson! Calm down! Mr. McCall, you wanna explain yourself? Stilinski! Matt: You dropped this. Harris: You and you - actually - all of you - Detention. Three o'clock. Melissa: Hi, there. Victoria: Oh, I'll make an announcement, have Scott brought to the office. Melissa: Um, actually - I came here to talk to you. Victoria: Me? Peter: Busy after school? Lydia: Always. Peter: Well, unbusy yourself. I wanna talk to you. Actually, I want to show you something. Lydia: I thought we'd gotten past the slightly rapey language. Peter: And - Bring the flower. Jackson: Oh, uh - we can't be in detention together. I have a restraining order against these tools. Harris: All of these tools? Stiles: No, just us tools. Harris: Fine. You two, over there. Scott: I'm gonna kill him. Stiles: No, you're not. You're going to find out who's controlling him and then you're gonna help save him. Scott: No. You were right, let's kill him. Stiles: Oh - No. Matt: Kanima. Victoria: I was under the impression they were no longer dating. Melissa: Me too, but it looks like they are. And more. A lot more. Victoria: How do you know it's not some other impressionable young girl - with severely low standards? Melissa: Because I know Scott. And Allison is the only one that he's ever talked about like that. I just wanna make sure they continue to be safe. Victoria: I couldn't agree more. Stiles: Hey. What if it's Matt? I mean, this whole thing comes back to the video, right? Scott: Danny said that Matt was the one who found the two hours of footage missing. Stiles: Exactly! He's trying to throw suspicion off himself. Scott: So he makes Jackson kill Isaac's dad, one of Argent's hunters, and the mechanic working on your jeep? Stiles: Yes! Scott: Why? Stiles: Because - he's evil. Scott: You just don't like him. Stiles: The guy - Bugs me. I don't know what it is. Just look at his face. Scott: Any other theories? Matt: You okay? Jackson: I have to go to the bathroom. Harris: Are you all right? Hey, you don't look so good. Jackson: I just need to get some water. Harris: No one leaves their seats. Scott: Stiles says you know how Jackson's parents died. Erica: Maybe. Scott: Talk. Erica: It was a car accident. My dad was the insurance investigator, and every time he sees Jackson drive by in his Porsche, he makes some comment about the huge settlement he'll be getting when he's 18. Stiles: So not only is Jackson rich now, but he's getting even richer at 18? Erica: Yep. Stiles: There's something so deeply wrong with that. Erica: You know what? I could try to find the insurance report on my dad's inbox. He keeps everything. Speaker: Scott McCall, please report to the principal's office. Harris: Jackson! Jackson: I'm fine, just give me a minute. Lydia: Perfect. Stiles: Whoa, look the dates. Erica: "Passengers arrived at the hospital DOA. The estimated time of death - 9:26 P.M., June 14, 1995." Stiles: Jackson's birthday is June 15th. Harris: Oh, no, I'm sorry. Uh, yes, I'm leaving. But none of you are. You may go when you're done with the re - shelving. Enjoy the rest of your evening. Scott: The principal wanted to see me? Victoria: No - I did. I'm concerned about the detention today. How Allison ended up in there with you and Mr. Stilinski. A sink was ripped off the wall. You're lucky I'm here to explain that to people somehow. You realize that? Scott: Yeah. I do now. Victoria: Good. Are you having s*x with my daughter? Scott: Uh - No. I'm not having s*x with your daughter. Victoria: I certainly hope not. Lydia: Hello? Stiles: It means he was born after his mom died - by c - section. They had to pull him out of her dead body. Matt: You okay, dude? Allison: So was it an accident or not? Stiles: The word all over the report is "inconclusive." Scott: Then his parents could have been murdered? Stiles: If they were, then it falls in line with the kanima myth. You know? It seeks out and kills murderers. Allison: But for Jackson? Or the person controlling him? Scott: We have to talk to him. We have to tell him. Allison: He's not gonna l - Scott: Erica! Erica: Unh! Stiles: Whoa, hey, hey, hey, hey! I think she's having a seizure. Allison: He's alive. Stiles: Hey, we need to get her to a hospital. Erica: Derek - only to Derek. Scott: When we get her to the hospital - Erica: To Derek. To Derek. Allison: Go. Stiles: Hey, Scott! Scott: I'm staying here with you. Allison: He can't take her alone. Not like this. And Matt - I've got to call an ambulance for him, just go. Scott: This doesn't feel right. Allison: It's okay. Scott: No, it's not. No, it's not right. Allison: It doesn't - it doesn't mean anything. Scott: But it feels like it does. Allison: Scott, go. Go. Scott: Okay. Lydia: Hello? Peter: Over here. Lydia: Is this your house? Peter: It was. I'll tell you all about it. But first - did you bring the flower? Lydia: I couldn't find it. Peter: That's okay. But since you don't have it, I'm gonna need that kiss. Peter: Is - Something wrong? Derek: Hold her up. Stiles: Is she dying? Derek: She might, I - which is why this is gonna hurt. Stiles: You broke her arm! Derek: It'll trigger the healing process. I still gotta get the venom out. This is where it's really gonna hurt. Erica: Stiles - you make a good Batman. Scott: You know who it is. Derek: Jackson. Scott: You just wanted Erica to confirm it, didn't you? I'm gonna help you stop him. As part of your pack. If you want me in, fine. But we'll do it on one condition. We're gonna catch him, not kill him. Derek: And? Scott: And we do it my way. Melissa: Thank you, Jenny. Thanks, you guys. I appreciate it. Jessica: Please - you have to tell 'em. Melissa: It's okay, the baby's fine. Jessica: Not - The baby. Melissa: Okay. Jessica: He killed Sean. Melissa: Honey, the police know. Jessica: They don't - They didn't see it. It wasn't human. Melissa: Okay. All right. Jessica: Please - no - Peter: I'm so sorry, Lydia. All of this must be terribly confusing. But at least you know that you're not actually crazy. Well - not completely. There's bound to be some residual effects, but you're a strong girl. Personally I think that you're gonna pull through with a minimal amount of post traumatic stress. And maybe - a few years of profoundly disturbing nightmares. I had a plan, you know. It was a good plan. But if there's one thing that I've learned in life, it's to always have a backup. That would be you. Your immunity makes you a perfect plan b. You wouldn't turn from the bite. You wouldn't die. But you would be able to do - One very important thing. Do you know what that is, Lydia? Lydia!

A fight between Scott and Jackson lands everyone involved in detention. Jackson transforms, injures Matt and Erica, and leaves a warning from his master. Erica has a seizure as a result of the Kanima's venom and Scott and Stiles rush her to Derek. Lydia meets the strange boy she has been seeing around, only for him to reveal himself to be a younger version of Peter Hale. Lydia realizes that the young boy was a part of her imagination and that Peter has been communicating with her via hallucination all along

fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_03x20

fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_03x20_0

Buffy is napping in Angel's bed. Angel is watching her sleep. He smiles at her as she wakes. Buffy: (smiles) What? Do I have funny bed hair or something? Angel: Or something? Buffy: I guess we got a little carried away with the whole post-slayage nap thing. (feels her hair) Ohhh, not good. (sits up) Angel: Where you going? Buffy: To go kill a cat on my head. Angel: No mirrors. Buffy: You know, this place really isn't girl-friendly. No mirrors, no natural light. Angel: I think you look perfect. Buffy: Oh yeah, I really like... Okay! (lays down) Maybe we should think about getting a few mirrors. And maybe a drawer, you know, for some of my stuff. Because that's what couples do, they have drawers. Angel: Mmmm, that's right. Buffy: You know, I-I figure, that way sometimes I could spend the night. Like, after the prom, it would be nice to be able to just come back here and spend some time together. Angel: The prom? Buffy: End of high school rite of passage thingy. Think cotillion with spiked punch and electric slide. Angel: Right. Buffy: Oh, don't worry, it's at night. And lots of girls have older girlfriends. You'll blend. Angel: I think maybe you should go, hunh? Buffy: Noo.. must be a few more hours before sunrise. Buffy gets up and walks to the window. When she pulls back the blackout curtain, it lets in a blast of sunlight directly onto the bed. With an exclamation, Angel rolls out of bed away from the light, apparently unharmed. Buffy pulls the curtains closed suddenly. Buffy: Ooh, sorry. I guess it's later than we thought. Angel has a worried look. Opening credits. [SCENE_BREAK] Daylight outside Sunnydale High. Xander is walking slowly when Anyanka intercepts him and walks beside him. Anya: Xander! Xander: Well, hey, it's demon Anya, punisher of evil males. Still haven't got your powers back? (serious) You haven't right? Anya: No. I will, though. It's just a matter of time. Xander: So now, how did that work? Women would wish horrible things upon their ex-boyfriends. You'd show up and make it happen. Anya: That's right. The power of the Wish made me a righteous sword to smite the unfaithful. Xander: Well, hey! Good luck with that. Hope it works out for you. Anya: You know, you can laugh, but I have witnessed a millenium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them. Xander: Then why you talking to me? Anya: (averts her eyes) I don't have a date for the prom. Xander: Well gosh. I wonder why not. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with your sales pitch? Anya: Men are evil. Will you go with me? Xander: One of us is very confused, and I honestly don't know which. Anya: You know, this happens to be all your fault. Xander: My fault? Anya: You were unfaithful to Cordelia so I took on the guise of a twelfth-grader to tempt her with the Wish. When I lost my powers I got stuck in this persona, and now I have all these feelings. I don't understand it. I don't like it. All I know is I really want to go to this dance and I want someone to go with me. Xander: Be still my heart. Oh wait, it is. How come I got the short straw? Anya: You're not quite as obnoxious as most of the alpha males around here. Plus I know you don't have a date. <!-- implying Xander is an alpha male? --> Xander: I haven't settled on anyone yet. Anya: Fine. Look, I know you find me attractive. I've seen you looking at my breasts. Xander: Nothing personal, but when a guy does that, it just means his eyes are open. Anya: Whatever. Look, do you wanna go with me or not? Silence. Cut to a picnic table outside the school, still daylight. Oz, Willow, Buffy, and Xander. Oz: Anya, huh? Interesting choice. Xander: Choice is kind of a broad term for my situation. See, it's either Anya or the sock puppet of love for this boy. (holds his right hand in puppet shape, speaks in silly voice) I love you, Xander. I'll never leave you. Willow: Well, if Anya tries to get you killed, put me down for a big 'I told you so.' Xander: (puppet) Who's this Anya? Is she prettier than me? Willow: She just better not try to cross me. That's all I'm saying. Buffy: Well, at least we all have someone to go with now. Some of us are going with demons, but I think that's a valid lifestyle choice. More importantly, I have the kick dress. Willow: Ooh, the pink one? Buffy: Angel's gonna lose it. But not his soul. He's gonna lose it. His it. [SCENE_BREAK] In Angel's mansion. He picks up one of Buffy's notebooks and sees a doodle, "Angel & Buffy 4 Ever!" There is a knock at the door. He opens it, careful to avoid the sunlight, and lets Joyce inside. Angel: Mrs. Summers. Joyce: I'm sorry to, uh... Well, I would have called, but, you know. Angel: Please, you're always welcome. Joyce: My goodness, your place is amazing. Angel: Yeah, I like a lot of space. I don't get out much during the day. Joyce: No, you wouldn't. (Her gaze pauses on a set of manacles that are fastened to a wall.) Angel: Can I get you something? I don't have any coffee. Joyce: Oh, no thank you, I, uh... You don't drink? Beverages, I mean? Angel: No, I do. It's just the caffeine. It makes me jittery. Joyce: Oh. I understand Buffy spent the night. Angel: I'm sorry about that. We came back after patrol. Joyce: I, I'm not interested in the details. That's not why I'm here. Angel: Okay. Joyce: I'm here because I'm worried about you two. In general. Angel: What happened before, when I changed, it won't happen again. Joyce: That's not all I'm concerned about. I don't have to tell you that you and Buffy are from different worlds. Angel: No, you don't. Joyce: She's had to deal with a lot. Grew up fast. Sometimes even I forget that she's still just a girl. Angel: I'm old enough to be her ancestor. Joyce: She's just starting out in life. Angel: I know. I think about it more now that she's staying in Sunnydale. Joyce: Good. Because when it comes to you, Angel, she's just like any other young woman in love. You're all she can see of tomorrow. But I think we both know that there are some hard choices ahead. If she can't make them, you're gonna have to. I know you care about her. I just hope you care enough. [SCENE_BREAK] In the library. Willow, Oz, Buffy, and Xander. Buffy: So it was blue and sorta short. Willow: Not too shore, medium. And it had this weird, sorta fringey stuff on its arms. Giles: (walking in) What's that, a demon? Buffy: A prom dress that Will was thinking of getting. Can't you ever get your mind out of the hellmouth? Giles: I'd be delighted to. However, the day of the Mayor's Ascension is fast approaching and we don't know what to expect. Xander: Well, what about the pages that Will stole from the Mayor's book? Look, she put her life on the line there, pal. Don't tell me they're useless. Giles: On the contrary, no, we, uh, we know the Ascension refers to a human transforming into a demon, the living embodiment of an immortal. And Graduation Day, our Mayor Wilkins is scheduled to do just that. Wesley enters, followed closely by Cordelia. Wesley: (enters) Trouble is, we don't know which demon he is going to become. Giles: There are thousands of species. Wesley: So, it's safe to say we shouldn't waste any time of such trifling matters as a school dance. Cordelia: Well, that's too bad, because I bet you would look way 007 in a tux. Wesley: Except, of course, on the actual night, I will be aiding Mr. Giles in his chaperoning duties. Giles: What? Excuse me? Fine, fine, fine. Buffy: (to Willow) We'll get you a dress. You know, we should check April Fools. Cordelia: Don't go there! I shop there. Xander: I myself am dipping into my road trip fund to procure a shiny new tux, so look for me to dazzle. Giles: And I myself will be wearing pink taffeta as chenille would not go with my complexion. Can we *please* talk about the Ascension? Buffy: Giles, we get it. Miles to go before we sleep. But especially if we're all gonna vaporize or something on Graduation Day, we deserve a little prommy fun. One night of glory, not to much to ask. [SCENE_BREAK] Daylight. Exterior shot of a dingy suburban house. Inside. A hand loads a videotape into a VCR. Pan to a snarling creature, roughly humanoid, in a wire cage. The creatures struggles are warping the cage sides. One corner has already come loose. [SCENE_BREAK] Daylight. Exterior shot of a cathedral. Inside. Angel and Buffy in wedding clothes stand at an altar before a priest. Priest: Into this holy estate, these two persons present now come to be joined. If any man can show just cause why they should not be lawfully joined together, let him speak now, or else, hereinafter, hold his peace. The priest's voice fades under the swelling music. The camera pans around the couple until it looks from the priest's viewpoint. Behind them, the chapel is empty. The doors at the back are open, and the sunlight is bright against the interior darkness. They exchange rings. They kiss. They walk to the exterior doors, hand in hand. The music turns darker. Buffy looks very happy, but Angel looks apprehensive. As they leave the church, they separate and stand a few feet apart at the top of the steps. Angel squints up at the sky, but does not burst into flame. Buffy: Angel? A flame appears on Buffy's exposed skin and rapidly engulfs her. Angel looks on in shock. Buffy burning body crumbles to ashes. Angel wakes up from the nightmare. Fade to commercial. [SCENE_BREAK] In a sewer tunnel. Buffy and Angel enter through a manhole in the roof of the tunnel and start walking. Buffy: I always say patrol's not complete without a trip to the stinky sewers. Angel: I'm sure I saw him come down here. Buffy: Couldn't we just let this be the vamp that got away? We could say he was this big. (Holds hands apart, like a fish story.) Angel: What can I say? I need closure. Buffy: You need clothes. You don't have a tux, do you? Angel: Since when did patrolling go black tie? Buffy: For the prom, silly. Angel: We have more important things to think about right now than a dance, Buffy. Buffy: Sorry, Giles. I'll just be quiet. Angel: Come on, don't be that way. A vampire drops from the roof, growling. Buffy: Not now. Buffy casually stakes the vampire and turns to Angel. Buffy: I'm not being that way. Every time I say the word 'prom', you get grouchy. Angel: I'm sorry. I'm just worried that you're getting too...invested in this whole thing. Buffy: What whole thing? Isn't this the stuff that I'm supposed to get invested in? Going to a formal, graduating, growing up. Angel: I know. Buffy: Then what? What's with the dire? Angel: It's uh, it's nothing. Buffy: No, you have 'something' face. Angel: I think we need to talk, but not now and not here. Buffy: No. No, if you have something to say, then say it. (silence) Angel, drop the cryptic. You're scaring me. Angel: I've been thinking... about our future. And the more I do, the more I feel like us, you and me being together, is unfair to you. Buffy: Is this about what the Mayor said? Because he was just trying to shake us up. Angel: He was right. Buffy: No. No, he wasn't. He's the bad guy. Angel: You deserve more. You deserve something outside of demons and darkness. You should be with someone who can take you into the light. Someone who can make love to you. Buffy: I don't care about that. Angel: You will. And children. Buffy: Children? Can you say jumping the gun? I kill my goldfish. Angel: Today. But you have no idea how fast it goes, Buffy. Before you know it, you'll want it all, a normal life. Buffy: I'll never have a normal life. Angel: Right, you'll always be a Slayer. But that's all the more reason why you should have a real relationship instead of this, this freak show. (Buffy is stunned.) I didn't mean that. Buffy: I'm gonna go. Angel: (grabs her arm) I'm sorry. Buffy, you know how much I love you. It kills me to say this. Buffy: Then don't. Who are you to tell me what's right for me? You think I haven't thought about this? Angel: Have you, rationally? Buffy: No. No, of course not. I'm just some swoony little schoolgirl, right? Angel: I'm trying to do what's right here, okay? I'm trying to think with my head instead of my heart. Buffy: Heart? You have a heart? It isn't even beating! Angel: Don't. Buffy: Don't what? Don't love you? I'm sorry. You know what? I didn't know that I got a choice in that. I'm never gonna change. I can't change. I want my life to be with you. Angel: I don't. Buffy: You don't want to be with me? I can't believe you're breaking up with me. Angel: It doesn't mean that I don't ... Buffy: How am I supposed to stay away from you? Angel: I'm leaving. After the Ascension, after it's finished with the Mayor and Faith. If we survive, I'll go. Buffy: Where? Angel: I don't know. Buffy: Is this really happening? Fade to a cityscape showing the moon hanging in the night sky. Switch to Buffy, alone and miserable. Switch to Angel staring into his fireplace. [SCENE_BREAK] Daylight. Exterior shot of the Summers house. In Buffy's bedroom, Buffy and Willow sit cross-legged on the bed. Willow: So, that's it? Buffy: That's it. Assuming we survive this Ascension thing, he's gonna leave town. Willow: Well, he's a fool. He's just a big, dumb, jerk person if you ask me. And he's a super-maxi-jerk for doing it right before the prom. Buffy: It's not his fault. He's 243 years old. He doesn't exactly get the prom. Willow: But he should, if ... Buffy: Will, it's okay. You don't have to make him the bad guy. Willow: But that's the best friend's job, vilifying and grousing. Buffy: Usually, yeah. But he's right. I mean, I think, maybe in the long run, that he's right. Willow: Yeah, I think he is. I mean, I tried to hope for the best, but... I'm sorry. It must be horrible. Buffy: I think horrible is still coming. Right now, it's worse. Right now, I'm just trying to keep from dying. (her face contorts in pain) Willow: Oh Buffy. Buffy leans over into Willow's lap and starts sobbing. Buffy: I can't breathe, Will. I feel like I can't breathe. [SCENE_BREAK] Exterior shot of the dingy house. Inside, the creature in the cage is struggling violently against its chains. The cage sides bend and finally it escapes. It scrambles out of the room. [SCENE_BREAK] April Fools dress shop. Xander is walking on the sidewalk and sees Cordelia inside. He enters. Cordelia is admiring the same dress he saw in the previous episode (Choices). Xander: Okay, how long does it take you to buy a damn dress? Cordelia: Xander! I, uh, I'm considering things a little more carefully nowadays. I don't want to get stuck with another dud. Xander: Well this should work for you. It positively screams nympho. Salesgirl: Is this a customer or a friend? Xander: Neither. Just stopped by for my daily helping of bile. Salesgirl: So you better get back to work and quit goofing. Mrs. Finkel so has it in for you. Quick shot of the supervisor glancing back at Cordelia. Xander: You work here? Cordelia: Yes. Yes, I work here. Xander: But, uh, why? Cordelia: I'm trying to buy a dress. Xander: But don't you already have all the dresses? Cordelia: I have nothing, okay? No dresses. No cell phone. No car. Everything's been taken away because Daddy made a little mistake on his taxes. For the last twelve years. Satisfied? Are you a happy Xander now? I'm broke. I can't go to any of the colleges that accepted me. And I can't stay home because we no longer have one. Xander: Uh, wow. Cordelia: Yeah, neato. Now you can run along and tell all of your friends how Cordy finally got hers. How she has to work part time just to get a lousy prom dress on layaway. And how she has to wear a name tag. Oh, I'm a name tag person. Don't leave that out. The story just wouldn't have the same punch. The escaped creature from the dingy house bursts through the front window of the shop. Xander pushes Cordelia out of harm's way and attempts to grapple the creature. It pushes him down and jumps on top of him. Then it sees a man wearing a tux and attacks that man, rending and tearing savagely. [SCENE_BREAK] In the library. The Scooby Gang (including Wesley) sit around the table watching a surveillance tape of the attack. Xander: Right there. See, it's, it's like he just realized he forgot to put money in the meter or something. Cordelia: You know the part that totally weirded me out? That thing had good taste. I mean, he chucks Xander and went right for the formal wear. Xander: That's right. He left behind his copy of Monsters Wear Daily. Cordelia: I'm serious. Look at the outfit that Xander's wearing. Now look at the kid that the monster went after. Very smooth lines, 'til he was shredded. Buffy: I don't want to see it again. Giles: Buffy, I know it's horrible, but if you're going to hunt this creature, you should study it. Buffy: Think I got it. Willow: She's right. I mean, you've seen one big hairy bringer of death, you've seen 'em all. Wesley: If I'm not mistaken, this is a hellhound. Giles: Yes. It's particularly vicious. It's sort of a demon foot soldier bred during the Machash Wars. Trained solely to kill. They feed off the brains of their foes. Cordelia: Look! Right there, zoom in on that. Xander: It's a videotape. Cordelia: So? They do it on television all the time. Xander: Not with a regular VCR they don't. Wesley: Perhaps we could stay on the topic for once. What were you doing this afternoon? Cordelia: What? Um, I was... Xander: Burning a hole in daddy's wallet, as usual. I just bumped into her during my tuxedo hunt. Oz: What's that? Pause it. Xander: Guys! It's just a normal VCR. It doesn't... Oh wait, uh, it can do pause. When the picture is paused, a male teen can be seen peering through the shop's broken window. Xander: Hello, hellhound raiser. Cut to a closeup of a class yearbook. Oz: Tucker Wells. He's in my chem lab. Wesley: Let me guess. He was quiet, kept to himself, but always seemed like a nice young man. Oz: He didn't seem the murderous type anyway. Something must have happened to him. Xander: How's it going over there, Buff? Buffy: Fine. Xander: Well, I just wanted to say that your impersonation of an inanimate object is really coming along. Buffy: Thanks. Willow: Ooooh! I got into Tucker's e-mail account. Listen to this message Tucker sent to this kid David Metz at school last week. The Sunnydale High lemmings have no idea what awaits them. Their big night will be their last night. Giles: So, we have a threat against the students on their big night, a hellhound trained to attack people in formal wear... Cordelia: Oh, are we all catching up now? Giles: Tucker is planning to attack the prom tonight. Oz: Once again, the Hellmouth puts the special in special occasion. Xander: Why do I even buy tickets for these things, I ask you? Willow: Wonder if I can take my dress back? Buffy: (wakes up) Don't you dare. Willow: But Tucker is going to... Buffy: No! You guys are going to have a prom. The kind of prom that everyone should have. I'm going to give you all a nice, fun, normal evening if I have to kill every single person on the face of the earth to do it. Xander: Yay? Fade to commercial. [SCENE_BREAK] Still in the library. Buffy: Okay, Wes, why don't you go to Tucker's house. He's probably not there, but it's worth a shot. Wesley: Alright. Perhaps strength in numbers would be ... Buffy: You can take Cordy. Wesley: If that's your plan, alright, alright. What about the others? Buffy: Oz, you said you know this David kid that Tucker e-mailed? Why don't you and Will track him down? See what he knows, if he's involved? Willow: We're on it. Buffy: (to Wesley) And you know what? Could you two check the magic shop? Wesley: Magic shop? Buffy: Yeah. It's right next to the dress store on Main. Xander: I can swing that one. What's the mission? Buffy: See if anyone's been in, buying supplies to raise a hellhound. Xander: Gotcha. Or check and see who's been stocking up on hellhound snausages. I hear those pups will do anything for a tasty treat. Buffy: Giles, you said this thing eats brains. Any brains? Giles: Um, I suppose. Buffy: Then Tucker must be feeding it, right? [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to a meat packing plant. Buffy is walking next to hanging carcasses with a guy in a white coat and a hard hat. Packer: Yeah, yeah. This kid orders cow brains a couple of times a week. Goes to this address. (hands her a note) Good luck. He's a weird kid. Buffy: Thanks. Thanks a lot. The packer walks away. Buffy looks up to see Angel nearby, paying another packer for a plastic bag. He sees her. Angel: What are you doing here? Buffy: Hello to you too. Angel: Sorry. I'm just surprised. Buffy: Me too. I don't know why though. Where did I think you get your blood, McPlasma's? Angel: How are you? Buffy: Right as rain, whatever that means. Don't look at me like that. I can lie to you if I want to now. We're ex, remember? Angel: If it means anything, I miss you. Buffy: Could we not, please? When I think about us, I have this tendency to sort of go catatonic. And I really can't afford to do that right now. Gotta stop a crazy from pulling a Carrie at the prom. Angel: You still planning to go? Buffy: Strictly in the chaperon capacity. But it's fine. I mean, the... I'm cool with going stag. I'm over the whole Buffy gets one perfect high school moment thing. But I'm certainly not going to let some subhuman ruin it for the rest of the senior class. Angel: Let me help you. Buffy: I'm okay. Angel: If you ever need my help... Buffy: Look, I got it! (pause) Thanks. (leaves) [SCENE_BREAK] In the dress shop. Cordelia is leaving work. Salesgirl: Hey! Don't forget your dress. Aren't you wearing it tonight? Cordelia: As much as I hate to admit it, I haven't finished paying for it yet. Salesgirl: Well somebody did. Cordelia: What? Who? (looks at the receipt) [SCENE_BREAK] Buffy enters the library. Giles is sipping coffee. Xander, Willow, and Oz are sitting on a step and looking glum. Xander: Zeroes all around, Buff. Willow: Sorry. Buffy: Make not with the long faces. I got the address. Now the prom starts in a little while. I want you guys to go on and I'll catch up with you as soon as I put a lid on this jerk. Xander: What? No way. Willow: We can't just leave you, Buff. Giles: Buffy, they're right. You need... Buffy: To see taillights. Hit the door. I have everything under control. Oz: Buffy, it makes sense to ... Buffy: Have. A. Nice. Time. The trio rush off. Willow: Okay then. Xander: See ya. Buffy: (to Giles) I want you at the gym. Keep an eye on them until I get there. Buffy marches into the book cage and begins loading up her weapons bag. Giles: I don't have to tell you that you're being rather rash. Finding an address hardly adds up to case closed. Buffy: Look, it's done. You want to go after them and tell them that they can't go? That all of their planning and dreaming was for nothing? That they can't spend tonight with their honeys of all nights? Giles: Angel's not taking you, is he? Buffy: Angel's leaving me. He's leaving town. Giles: Oh, Buffy, I'm sorry. I don't really know what to say. Um, I understand that this sort of thing requires ice cream of some kind? Buffy: Ice cream will come. First, I want to take out psycho boy. Giles: You sure? Buffy: The great thing about being a Slayer, kicking ass is comfort food. [SCENE_BREAK] At the prom. Flashy lights and dancing. Xander and Anya stroll through the crowd. Anya: So she wished her husband's head would explode, which was great except we were standing three feet from him at the time. What a mess. Of course, you know, during the plague it was always parts falling off. Well, that got old since pretty much they were anyway. The Renaissance, that was ... (voice fades as they exit stage right) Giles and Wesley stand by a table munching hors-d'oeuvres. Wesley: Well, I must say this is all rather odd to me. Giles: Oh yes. At an all-male preparatory they didn't go in for this sort of thing. Wesley: No, of course not. Unless you count the nights you made the lower classmen get up as girls and watched them ... (stops on Giles's look) Dip is tasty, isn't it? Cordelia enters in her new dress. Wesley is struck by a coughing. Giles is not facing the door and looks askance. Wesley: Sauce is hot. (another lingering shot of Cordy) Very hot. Short montage of prom scenes, dancing, couple photos. Willow and Oz arrive. Willow: We got in. Maybe we should dance before we get besieged, bedeviled, or beheaded or something. Oz: It's not gonna happen. Willow: You're not even a little nervous? Oz: You think Buffy is going to let us down? Willow: Want to share some punch? Oz and Willow walk by. Wesley approaches Cordelia. Wesley: May I say, you look smashing. Cordelia: It's a start. Cordelia takes Wesley's arm. Pan to Xander and Anya. Xander has a glazed look. Anya: So then this one time, this girl wished her ex would cannibalize himself. Even I had a hard time watching that, let me tell you. Xander: Cordelia! Wesley! My god in heaven, it's good to see you. How are you both? And details, please. Wesley: Very well, thank you. Cordelia: Yes, thank you. (emphasis with eyebrows) Xander: It looks good on you. Cordelia: Well, duh. Xander gives a subtle smile and nod and the couples part. Giles is chatting with a couple of women at the refreshments, but is keeping an eye on the door, watching for Buffy. [SCENE_BREAK] Inside Tucker's house. Buffy sneaks down a staircase and finds Tucker about to release a caged hellhound. Tucker: You're ready to go. Buffy: Sorry, new plan. She throws him away from the cage. Buffy: The prom's a go and you're pathetic. Tucker: Maybe. Maybe not. Tucker breaks a vase over Buffy's head - she brushes the shards off her jacket. He brandishes a screwdriver at her. She sees videotapes on top of the TV with labels like "Prom Night IV" and "Pump Up the Volume". Buffy: So that's how you did it? That's how you brainwashed the hounds to go psycho on prom? Tucker: Neat, huh? Buffy: I don't get it. What kind of sicko wants to destroy the happiest night of a senior's life? Tucker: I have my reasons. Quick flashback to more innocent Tucker and a girl. Tucker: Do you want to go to the prom with me? Girl: No. Back to Buffy and Tucker. Buffy: Whatever. Every maladjust has his reasons. Luckily for me, you're an incompetent maladjust. Buffy disarms him and ties his hands behind him with an electrical cord. She opens a door and starts to push him through it. Buffy: Now I'm gonna lock you in here and then I'm gonna party like it's ... In the room are three empty cages before three blank TV sets. Tucker: Gotta have a redundancy system. Any incompetent knows that. My three fiercest babies are on their way to the dance right now. You think formal wear makes them crazy, wait 'til they see the mirror ball. Fade to commercial. [SCENE_BREAK] Night, outside the prom hall. The three hellhounds lope toward the building doors. Buffy drops the trailing hound with a crossbow bolt. The other two turn and chase her. She runs. Buffy: That's right. Follow Buffy. Good dogs. They chase her for a few moments, then hear the party music and reverse course. Buffy: Oh, come on. That song sucks. She chases them into the building. Cut to a hallway. The hounds are pawing at closed doors. Buffy approaches and they attack her. She wraps one in a hanging tapestry, then wrestles the other one until she can knife it in the chest. The first one escapes the tapestry just as a male student opens the doors into the hall. Buffy: Get back! Buffy grabs the hound before it can attack the student, grapples with it, and finally snaps its neck. Student: (shaken) Bathroom? Buffy points. Student: Th-th-tha... Buffy: You're welcome. Cut to outside. Buffy drags the hellhounds into the bushes, then pulls her prom dress out of her bag. [SCENE_BREAK] At the dance. Buffy enters, Giles sees her, and they exchange nods and smiles. Oz and Willow meet her. Willow: Buffy, you look awesome. Buffy: So do you. Oz: Everything cool? Buffy: Coolest. Devil dogs are history. How's the prom? Oz: Strangely affecting. I got all teared up when they played 'We Are Family'. Willow: Everything's perfect. Buffy - big smile. [SCENE_BREAK] At the prom. Everyone is standing, watching the stage. Xander is miming anticipation. Announcer: And the award for Sunnydale High's Class Clown for 1999 goes to Jack Mayhew. The winner puts on a balloon hat and acts silly. Xander: Please! Anybody can be a prop class clown. You know, none of the people who vote for these things are even funny. Buffy is at the punch bowl, ignoring the ruckus. The announcer urges Jonathan to the microphone. Jonathan: We have one more award to give out. Is Buffy Summers here tonight? Did she, um... The crowd turns and finds her. She looks nervous at the attention. Jonathan: This is actually a new category. First time ever. I guess there were a lot of write-in ballots, and, um, the prom committee asked me to read this. "We're not good friends. Most of us never found the time to get to know you, but that doesn't mean we haven't noticed you. We don't talk about it much, but it's no secret that Sunnydale High isn't really like other high schools. A lot of weird stuff happens here." Crowd outbursts: Zombies! Hyena people! Snyder! (laughter) Jonathan: "But, whenever there was a problem or something creepy happened, you seemed to show up and stop it. Most of the people here have been saved by you, or helped by you at one time or another. We're proud to say that the Class of '99 has the lowest mortality rate of any graduating class in Sunnydale history." (applause from the crowd) "And we know at least part of that is because of you. So the senior class, offers its thanks, and gives you, uh, this." Jonathan produces a multicolored, glittering, miniature umbrella with a small metal plaque attached to the shaft. Jonathan: It's from all of us, and it has written here, "Buffy Summers, Class Protector." The crowd breaks into sustained applause and cheering. Buffy walks to the stage and takes her award. Later, Giles is watching the dancing and Wesley approaches him. Wesley: Mr. Giles. I'd like your opinion. While the last thing I want to do is muddle bad behavior in front of impressionable youth, I wonder if asking Miss Chase to dance would... Giles: For God's sake, man, she's eighteen. And you have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone. Just have at it, would you, and stop fluttering about. (walks away) Wesley: Right, then. Thanks for that. Cut to the dance floor. Wesley and Cordelia begin to dance. Pan to Xander and Anya, dancing close. Anya: This isn't bad. Cut to Buffy, watching the dancers. Giles comes up behind her. Giles: You did good work tonight, Buffy. Buffy: And I got a little toy surprise. Giles: I had no idea that children en masse could be gracious. Buffy: Every now and then, people surprise you. Giles: (looking past her) Every now and then. Giles takes her umbrella and leaves. Buffy turns to see Angel at the door. They meet. Buffy: I never thought you'd come. Angel: It's a big night. I didn't want to miss it. It's just tonight. It doesn't mean that I ... Buffy: I know. I mean, I understand. Angel: Dance with me? They dance. BLACK OUT

Angel decides to do the right thing and break up with Buffy. Meanwhile, Buffy has to save the prom from Hellhounds with a fetish for formal wear. Angel shows up for the last dance.

fd_Doctor_Who_07x09

fd_Doctor_Who_07x09_0

EXT. HOUSE, NIGHT A fierce thunderstorm blows outside a remote manor house. INT. HOUSE, PARLOUR, NIGHT A young WOMAN enters the parlour to see an older MAN surrounded by tables of electronic equipment. WOMAN: How are we looking? MAN: (nervously) Oh... about ready, I think. WOMAN: Any thoughts on the, er, interference? MAN: (sits) Erm, a stray FM broadcast, possibly? But I've fitted some ferrite suppressors and some RF chokes. Just in case. (stands and puts a camera around his neck) Are you sure you want to go through with this? I mean, the last time was very... WOMAN: But she's so lonely. MAN: Excellent, then. Excellent. The MAN sits down, puts on a headset and taps on a microphone before speaking into it. MAN: Caliburn House, night four, November 25th, 1974. 11.04pm. He nods to the WOMAN and she takes a few steps forward to the archway at the base of the stairs. The MAN stands and holds up a parabolic microphone and aims it towards the arch. WOMAN: I'm talking to the spirit that inhabits this house. Are you there? Can you hear me? I'm speaking to the lost soul that abides in this place. The microphone picks up some static and hissing sounds. The MAN looks over to one of the machines that records energy levels. The needles are moving over the paper. WOMAN: Come to me. Speak to me. Let me show you the way home. A high-pitched whine comes over the headphones, causing the MAN to shout out and pull them away from his ears. The machinery reacts, registering the sound. A distorted screaming can be heard, The WOMAN backs out of the dark hallway. WOMAN: Let me show you the way home! The MAN picks up the camera and begins clicking away as he faces the archway. At each click, a misty white figure appears, an arm stretched out towards them. It comes closer and the WOMAN gasps as the figure appears to pass through her. She falls against a chair and the MAN goes to her. MAN: Emma? He holds her and helps her stand. He puts his hands on her shoulders and she grips his lapels. EMMA: She's so... MAN: So what? EMMA: Dead. There is a knocking at the front door and both turn their heads. They walk slowly to the main door. INT. HOUSE, FRONT DOOR, NIGHT The MAN pulls the door open and there's no one there. The DOCTOR sticks his head out from behind the other door. DOCTOR: Boo! Hello, I'm looking for a ghost. MAN: And you are...? CLARA: (stands beside DOCTOR) Ghostbusters! [SCENE_BREAK] Matt Smith [SCENE_BREAK] Jenna-Louise Coleman "Hide" By Neil Cross PRODUCER Marcus Wilson DIRECTOR Jamie Payne [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOUSE, FRONT DOOR, NIGHT DOCTOR: (holds up psychic paper) I'm the Doctor. MAN: Doctor what? DOCTOR: If you like. And this is Clara. (walks past MAN) INT. HOUSE, PARLOUR, NIGHT The DOCTOR walks into the parlour, excited. He runs over to the machines. The others follow. DOCTOR: Ah, but you are very different! You are Major Alec Palmer. Member of the Baker Street Irregulars, the Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare. (whispers to ALEC) Specialised in espionage, sabotage and reconnaissance behind enemy lines. You're a talented water-colourist, professor of psychology AND... ghost hunter! (shakes ALEC'S hand) Total pleasure. Massive. EMMA: Actually, you're wrong. Professor Palmer spent most of the war as a POW. DOCTOR: Actually, that's a lie told by a very brave man involved in very secret operations. The kind of man who keeps a Victoria Cross in a box in the attic, eh? But you know that! Because you're Emma Grayling... (walks over and air-kisses both cheeks) the Professor's companion... EMMA: Assistant. DOCTOR: It's 1974 - you're the assistant and "non-objective equipment". (looks to CLARA who is by equipment) Meaning "psychic". CLARA: Getting that. Bless you, though. The DOCTOR walks over to the area by the equipment. ALEC: Relax, Emma. He's Military Intelligence. (to DOCTOR) So what's all this in aid of? CLARA sits on the desk. DOCTOR: Health and safety! Yeah, the Ministry got wind of what's going on down here. Sent me to check that everything's in order. ALEC: They don't have the right. DOCTOR: Don't worry, Guv'nor, I'll be out your hair in five minutes. (looks at equipment and snaps fingers) Oh! Oh, look! Oh, lovely. (sits next to CLARA and plays with a switch) The ACR 99821. Oh, bliss, nice action on the toggle switches. You know, I do love a toggle switch. Actually, I like the word "toggle". Nice noun. Excellent verb. (CLARA touches a switch and the DOCTOR slaps her hand) Oi, don't mess with the settings. The DOCTOR stands and takes the sonic screwdriver from his inside jacket pocket and scans ALEC and EMMA. ALEC: What's that? DOCTOR: Gadget. Health and safety. Classified, I'm afraid. (stops under arch) You know, while the back room boffins work out a few kinks. (turns back around and scans archway) EMMA: What's it telling you? DOCTOR: It's telling me that you haven't been exposed to any life-threatening transmundane emanations. So... (spins around and claps his hands) where's the ghost? (walks over to them and picks up lit candelabrum) Show me the ghost. There is an eerie whooshing and the DOCTOR smiles. DOCTOR: It's ghost time. EXT. HOUSE, NIGHT Outside the storm still rages. INT. HOUSE, HALL, NIGHT The DOCTOR walks down the dark hall, the candelabrum the only source of light. ALEC is on his heels. EMMA and CLARA follow. ALEC: I won't have this stolen out from under me, do you understand? DOCTOR: Erm, no, not really, sorry. ALEC: I will not have my work stolen, then be fobbed off with a pat on the back and a letter from the Queen. Never again! This is my house, Doctor, and it belongs to me. CLARA: This is actually your house? ALEC: It is. CLARA: Sorry. You went to the bank and said, "You know that gigantic old haunted house on the moors? The one the dossers are too scared to doss in? The one the birds are too scared to fly over?" And then you said, "I'd like to buy it, please, with my money." ALEC: Yes, I did, actually. CLARA: That's incredibly brave. CLARA hears creaking and looks around nervously. DOCTOR: Listen, Major, we just need to know what's going on here. ALEC: For the Ministry? DOCTOR: You know I can't answer that. ALEC: Very well. Follow me. (leaves) INT. HOUSE, PARLOUR, NIGHT ALEC has set up a board with pictures and notes of the history of the house and the ghost. The DOCTOR is using the camera to take pictures of himself. CLARA sits and talks with EMMA. CLARA: So what's an empathic psychic? The DOCTOR walks between them to the small bar and starts looking at the bottles. EMMA: Sometimes I... sense feelings. The way a telepath can sense thoughts. Sometimes, though. Not always. The DOCTOR takes a drink of milk right from the bottle. DOCTOR: The most compassionate people you'll ever meet, empathics. And the loneliest. I mean, exposing themselves to all those hidden feelings - all that guilt, pain and sorrow and... CLARA sees EMMA'S discomfort and puts a hand on the DOCTOR'S arm. CLARA: Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes? CLARA: Shh. The DOCTOR looks at EMMA. ALEC is ready to show them the board. ALEC: Would you, er, care to have a look? The DOCTOR, CLARA and EMMA walk over. ALEC: Caliburn House is over 400 years old but she's been here much longer... the Caliburn Ghast. She's mentioned in local Saxon poetry and Parish folk tales. The Wraith of the Lady, the Maiden in the Dark... the Witch of the Well. CLARA: Is she real? As in, actually real? ALEC: Oh, she's real. In the 17th century, a local clergyman saw her. He wrote that her presence was accompanied by a, "dreadful knocking, as if the Devil himself demanded entry." During the war, American airmen stationed here left offerings of tinned Spam. The tins were found in 1965, bricked up in the servants' pantry, along with a number of handwritten notes. Appeals to the Ghast... "For the love of God, stop screaming." CLARA: She never changes. The angle's different, the framing, but she's always in exactly the same position. Why is that? The DOCTOR gets the candelabrum and holds it closer, examining the photos. ALEC: We don't know. She's an objective phenomenon. But objective recording equipment can't detect her... DOCTOR: Without the presence of a powerful psychic. ALEC: Absolutely. Very well done. EMMA: She knows I'm here... They turn to look at EMMA. EMMA: I can feel her... calling out to me. CLARA: What's she saying? EMMA: "Help me." Behind them, a shadow passes the doorway quickly. CLARA turns her head, sensing something, but sees nothing. DOCTOR: "The Witch of the Well". So where's the well? ALEC leads the DOCTOR over to a table on which rests plans of the house. ALEC: A copy of the oldest plan that we could find, there is no well on the property. None that we could find, anyway. CLARA is staring at the photographs when the DOCTOR comes up behind her and taps her on the head. She gasps and turns on him. DOCTOR: (whispers) You coming? CLARA: (whispers) Where? DOCTOR: (whispers) To find the ghost. CLARA: (whispers) Why would I want to do that? DOCTOR: (whispers) Because you want to, come on. (starts for the door) CLARA: (whispers) Well, I dispute that assertion. The DOCTOR stops and turns around. He sees EMMA watching them. He nods his head to get CLARA to move. DOCTOR: (whispers) I'm giving you a face. Can you see me? Look at my face. CLARA: (whispers) Fine. (walks over) Dare me. DOCTOR: (whispers) I dare you. No takesies-backsies. CLARA shakes her head and takes the candelabrum from the DOCTOR and heads through the door. The DOCTOR claps his hands and laughs before following CLARA. EMMA: The Music Room is the heart of the house. INT. HOUSE, HALL, NIGHT The DOCTOR and CLARA walk down the dark corridors. CLARA: (whispers) Say we actually find her. What do we say? DOCTOR: (whispers) We ask how she came to be... whatever she is. CLARA: (whispers) Why? DOCTOR: (whispers) Because I don't know. And ignorance is... what's the opposite of bliss? CLARA: (whispers) Carlisle. DOCTOR: (whispers) Yes! Yes, Carlisle. Ignorance is Carlisle. As the DOCTOR and CLARA leave a particular hall, there is a snarling and scraping sound and a part of something can be seen in the shadows. INT. HOUSE, KITCHEN, NIGHT The DOCTOR and CLARA examine the room by candlelight. The DOCTOR ducks a cobweb. He checks the teapot sitting on the table. INT. HOUSE, PARLOUR, NIGHT EMMA stands by the fireplace. ALEC is at the desk, looking at the plans. EMMA: Is he really from the Ministry? ALEC: Er, I don't know. He's certainly got the right demeanour. Capricious... brilliant. EMMA: (walks over) Deceitful. ALEC: Yes! Ha... he's a liar... but, you know, that's often the way that it is... when someone's... seen a thing or two. Experience makes liars of us all. We lie about who we are... about what we've done... EMMA: And how we feel? ALEC: Yes... always, always that. EMMA walks her fingers along to desk towards ALEC'S hand. ALEC: (nervously) You know, I have to... have to be getting on with things The, erm, the equipment and so forth. EMMA: Of course. ALEC walks away. INT. HOUSE, MUSIC ROOM, NIGHT The DOCTOR and CLARA enter the room. A harp stands in one corner and there are music stands placed around the room. The DOCTOR scans with the sonic. CLARA stops in the centre and looks around. DOCTOR: Ah, the Music Room. The heart of the house. Do you feel anything? CLARA: No. DOCTOR: Your pants are so on fire. CLARA walks further into the room until she is by the DOCTOR. The sonic isn't working properly so the DOCTOR taps it against his hand and blows on it. CLARA: Do you feel like you're being watched? DOCTOR: What does being watched feel like? Is it that funny tickly feeling on your neck? CLARA: That's the chap. DOCTOR: Then, yes, a bit. Well, quite a big bit. The DOCTOR puts away the sonic and walks towards the door, stopping just in front of it. CLARA hears a whoosh and turns around. The DOCTOR takes a step closer to the door and exhales. His breath can be seen. Creaking and scraping is heard. CLARA: I think she's here. The DOCTOR steps forward and exhales. Nothing. He steps back, exhales and sees his breath again. DOCTOR: Cold spot. Spooky. (turns around) Cold... (steps forward) warm. (back) Cold... (right) warm... (back) cold... (left) warm... (back) cold... (towards door) warm... (back) cold. A creaking is heard. The DOCTOR draws a chalk circle on the floor to mark the cold spot. CLARA: Doctor? Doctor! DOCTOR: What? CLARA: I'm not happy. DOCTOR: No. The DOCTOR leaves the room while CLARA is looking the other way. She turns back and sees him leaving. CLARA: Hey! (runs after the DOCTOR across the circle) INT. HOUSE, PARLOUR, NIGHT The needles on the machine start moving. ALEC looks over. It stops and starts again. He walks over and looks at the measurements. INT. HOUSE, MUSIC ROOM, NIGHT Steam rises from the chalk circle and the line disappears. INT. HOUSE, HALL, NIGHT The DOCTOR and CLARA are walking past a window when they hear a thudding. CLARA: (whispers) What was that? There are two more thuds. They both breathe out and it is visible. A gust of air blows out the candles. They look at each other, stunned. INT. HOUSE, PARLOUR, NIGHT EMMA walks into the room. ALEC: Does it seem colder? ALEC looks at the thermometer and the mercury drops to zero. INT. HOUSE, HALL, NIGHT The DOCTOR blows on his hands and rubs them together as he and CLARA look at the window as it frosts. INT. HOUSE, PARLOUR, NIGHT EMMA looks to the archway. EMMA: She's coming. INT. HOUSE, HALL, NIGHT A loud thudding echoes. CLARA: OK, what is that? DOCTOR: (leans on elbow against wall) It's a very loud noise. It's a very loud, very angry noise. CLARA: But what's making it?! DOCTOR: I don't know. Are you making it? There's another loud thud and, with a start, the DOCTOR rushes over to stand beside CLARA. CLARA: Doctor? DOCTOR: Yes? CLARA: I may be a teeny, tiny bit terrified. DOCTOR: Yes? CLARA: But I'm still a grown-up. DOCTOR: Mainly, yes, and...? CLARA: There's no need to actually hold my hand. The DOCTOR holds both hands out in front of him. DOCTOR: Clara? CLARA: Yes? DOCTOR: I'm not holding your hand. They slowly look behind them, and, in a flash of lightning, see the outline of *something*. They scream and run. INT. HOUSE, PARLOUR, NIGHT The DOCTOR and CLARA run down the stairs. ALEC looks over at them. A whirling dark dish materializes just as the DOCTOR reaches the bottom of the stairs. The DOCTOR takes out the sonic and scans. DOCTOR: Has this happened before? ALEC: Never! DOCTOR: Camera! Camera! (takes camera from ALEC'S unresisting hands) The DOCTOR takes pictures of the spinning dish. It spins faster and cracks begin to form inside it. EMMA is still looking at the archway. She gasps and the figure appears in what seems to be a wood. There is an eerie, distorted shouting. CLARA turns her head and sees it as well. CLARA: Doctor?! The DOCTOR turns around and continues to take photos with the camera. EMMA is becoming overwhelmed with the contact to the figure. GHOST: Help me! EMMA collapses and ALEC catches her. There is a crash from upstairs and CLARA looks up. CLARA: Doctor. The DOCTOR, EMMA and ALEC follow CLARA'S gaze. The DOCTOR slowly walks up the stairs where a message glows on the wall: Help Me. It fades away and the spinning disc disappears. LATER CLARA pours a whisky for EMMA and one for herself before sitting down in that area beside the bar. EMMA: (sips and makes a face) Ugh! I'd rather have a nice cup of tea. CLARA: Me too. (stands and takes the glass from EMMA) Whisky's the 11th most disgusting thing ever invented. EMMA puts her head on her hand and sighs. INT. HOUSE, DARK ROOM, NIGHT While ALEC develops the new photos, the DOCTOR looks at the ones clipped to string criss-crossing the room. DOCTOR: I had a little peek at your records, back at the Ministry. You've certainly seen a thing or two in your time - disrupting U-Boat operations across the North Sea, sabotaging railway lines across Europe, Operation Gibbon, the one with the carrier pigeons - brilliant! I do love a carrier pigeon. ALEC: I did my duty but then so did thousands of others - MILLIONS of others... I was just luck enough to come back. The picture developing is of the DOCTOR with the ghost in the background. DOCTOR: Yes but, how does that man, that war hero end up here, in a lonely old house, looking for ghosts? ALEC: Because I killed... and I caused to have killed... I sent young men and women to their deaths... but here I am, still alive, and... it does tend to haunt you. Living, after so much of... the other thing. INT. HOUSE, PARLOUR, NIGHT CLARA: So, you and Professor Palmer, have you ever... y'know? EMMA: No. CLARA: Why not? (picks up kettle) You do know how he feels about you, don't you? You of all people? EMMA: I don't know. People like me... sometimes, we get our signals mixed up. We think people are feeling the way we want them to feel... you know, when they are special to us. When, really, there's nothing there. CLARA: (hands EMMA cup) Oh, this is there. EMMA: How do you know? CLARA: Because it's obvious. It sticks out like a... big chin. INT. HOUSE, DARK ROOM, NIGHT ALEC: See, I was alone and unmarried and... I didn't mind dying. I mean, not for that cause. It was a very, very fine cause...defeating the enemy. DOCTOR: And if you could contact them, what would you say? ALEC: Well, I'd very much like to thank them. DOCTOR: Uh-huh. (takes photo from tray) Ping! (clips it up) ALEC: What do you think she is? DOCTOR: Not what I thought she'd be. ALEC: What did you think she'd be? DOCTOR: Fun. Can I borrow your camera? (ALEC hands it to him) Ta. (leaves) INT. HOUSE, PARLOUR, NIGHT EMMA: What about you... and the Doctor? CLARA: (sits with teacup) Oh, I don't think so. EMMA: Good. CLARA: Sorry? EMMA: Don't trust him... there's a sliver of ice in his heart. DOCTOR: (O.C.) Clara! EXT. HOUSE, NIGHT The DOCTOR and CLARA run down the back of the steps in the rain. CLARA is huddled under her umbrella. They stop a few feet from the TARDIS. CLARA has her arm wrapped around the DOCTOR'S. CLARA: (whispers) I've got this weird feeling it's looking at me. It doesn't like me. DOCTOR: The TARDIS is like a cat - a bit slow to trust (runs to TARDIS) but you'll get there in the end. (goes inside) CLARA looks back at the house before running to the TARDIS and knocks on the door. INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR hurries from the console to the door and opens it for CLARA. He heads back to the console. CLARA: (enters) Hey! (closes the door and looks around for a place to put the umbrella) You need a place to keep this. DOCTOR: I've got one. (points) Or I had one... I think I had one. (starts looking around) Look around, see if you find it. Did I have one? Am I going mad? (sees CLARA shaking the umbrella and takes it from her) No, not in here! How do you expect her to like you? She's SOAKING wet! It's a health and safety nightmare. (sets umbrella on chair and goes back to console) CLARA: (looks up at TARDIS ceiling and whispers) Sorry. The TARDIS seems to gurgle in response. CLARA: (goes to console) So... where we going? DOCTOR: Nowhere. We're staying right here. Right here, on this exact spot - if I can work out how to do it. CLARA: So, when are we going? DOCTOR: (laughs) Oh, that is good. That is top-notch. CLARA and the DOCTOR high-five. The DOCTOR walks away. CLARA: (leans against console) And the answer is...? DOCTOR: (stops and spins) We're going always. (goes down steps) CLARA: "We're going always." DOCTOR: TOTALLY! The DOCTOR reaches up for something out of CLARA'S view. CLARA: That's not actually a sentence. DOCTOR: (comes back with orange spacesuit) Well, it's got a verb in it. What do you think? (holds it up and spins) CLARA: Colour's a bit boisterous. DOCTOR: I think it brings out my eyes. CLARA: Makes my eyes hurt. The DOCTOR drops his arms, dejected by CLARA'S comment. EXT. HOUSE, NIGHT The TARDIS dematerializes. INT. HOUSE, NIGHT ALEC and EMMA watch from a window. ALEC: Did you see where he went? I could hear an engine but I can't see any lights. There is a flash of lightning and behind them, in the next window, the ghost is reaching out to them. EXT. TARDIS The DOCTOR steps out of the TARDIS wearing the spacesuit. The surface of the planet is volcanic with a dark grey sky. He scans with the sonic before picking up the camera to take a few pictures. INT. TARDIS CLARA takes a step towards the door just as the DOCTOR bursts in, hands up. The door closes behind him. Steam rises from the suit. DOCTOR: Back off! Hot suit! Hot, hot, hot! (walks to console) CLARA: When are we? DOCTOR: About six billion years ago. It's a Tuesday, I think. (flips a lever) The DOCTOR and CLARA walk through a prehistoric jungle with large insects. The DOCTOR takes another photo. EXT. HOUSE, DAY It what appears to be the late Victoria era, the DOCTOR takes a photo of the back of the house. INT. TARDIS The DOCTOR is wearing the spacesuit once more. DOCTOR: Back in a mo. (opens door and looks back at CLARA) Are you all right? CLARA: Totally. Peachy keen. DOCTOR: OK, then. Well, don't press any buttons or pull any levers, or make any funny faces. Actually, don't move. Stand completely still. Don't breathe. Well, you can breathe... but shallow breaths. CLARA gives him a thumbs-up which he returns before stepping outside. EXT. TARDIS The surface of the planet is rocky and dead. The sun is large and near its end. INT. TARDIS CLARA watches the DOCTOR on the monitor. EXT. TARDIS The DOCTOR takes a photograph. INT. TARDIS CLARA sighs as she watches the DOCTOR head back. The door closes and the DOCTOR removes the helmet as he walks to the console. CLARA is still looking at the monitor. DOCTOR: What's wrong? Did the TARDIS say something to you? (slaps the console) Are you being mean? CLARA: No, it's not that. Have we just watched the entire life cycle of the Earth? Birth to death? DOCTOR: Yes! CLARA: And you're OK with that? DOCTOR: Yes. CLARA: How can you be? DOCTOR: The TARDIS. She's... time. We... Wibbly vortex and so on. CLARA: That's not what I mean. DOCTOR: OK...some help? Context? Cheat sheet? Something? CLARA: I mean, one minute you're in 1974, looking for ghosts but all you have to do is open your eyes and talk to whoever's standing there. To you, I haven't been born yet... and to you, I've been dead 100 billion years. Is my body out there somewhere? In the ground? DOCTOR: Yes, I suppose it is. (walks away from console but stops when CLARA starts talking) CLARA: But here we are, talking. So I am a ghost. To you, I'm a ghost... we're all ghosts to you. We must be nothing. DOCTOR: (turns around) No... no... you're not that. (starts down the stairs) CLARA: (walks over) Then what are we? What can we possibly be? DOCTOR: (turns around) You are the only mystery worth solving. (leaves to change) EXT. HOUSE, NIGHT The TARDIS materializes in the same spot. INT. HOUSE, HALL, NIGHT In a flash of lightning, we see a creature. INT. HOUSE, PARLOUR, NIGHT There is a slide projector set up and the DOCTOR hands ALEC the slides from the photographs he had taken. CLARA looks at the photos on the board. EMMA: (walks over) What's wrong? CLARA: I just saw something I wish I hadn't. EMMA: What did you see? CLARA: That... everything ends. EMMA: No, not everything. Not love... (looks over at ALEC) not always. DOCTOR: Right! Done! That's it, gather round, gather round. Roll up! Roll up! (uses sonic on projector) The Ghast of Caliburn House - never changing, trapped in a moment of fear and torment but what if she's not? What if she's just trapped somewhere time runs more slowly than it does here? What if a second to her was 100,000 years to us? And what if somebody has a magic box - a blue box, probably - what if said somebody could take a snapshot of her, say, every few million years? (the slides show the DOCTOR'S photos almost like stop-motion and reveal a young woman) She's not a ghost... but she's definitely a lost soul. (walks over to screen) Her name's Hila Tacorian. She's a pioneer, a time traveller - or at least she will be, in a few hundred years. ALEC: Time travel's not possible. The paradoxes... DOCTOR: Resolve themselves, by and large. EMMA: How long has she been alone? DOCTOR: Well, time travel's a funny old thing. I mean, from her perspective, she crash landed... (checks watch) three minutes ago. EMMA: Crash landed? Where? DOCTOR: She's in a pocket universe... a distorted echo of our own - they happen sometimes but never last for long. (blows up two balloons) Our universe (balloon in right hand) - Hila Tacorian's here, (balloon in left hand) in a pocket universe. You're a lantern, shining across the dimensions, guiding her home. Back to the land of the living. (brings balloons together then deflates them) CLARA: But what's she running from? DOCTOR: Well, that's the best bit. We don't know yet. Shall we see? The DOCTOR uses the sonic to change the slide. EMMA turns to look at her smile vanishes. ALEC lowers his glasses and peers over them. CLARA and the DOCTOR look stunned. On the slide is the creature we have been catching glimpses of in the hallways. DOCTOR: Oh. CLARA: What is that? DOCTOR: (quietly) I don't know. (normal) Still! (claps hands) Not to worry! EMMA: So, what do we do? DOCTOR: Not "we", you... (goes to EMMA) you save Hila Tacorian because you're Emma Grayling. You are the lantern - the rest of us are just along for the ride, I'm afraid. We need some sturdy rope and a blue crystal from Metebelis Three. Plus, some Kendal Mint Cake. (leaves) EXT. HOUSE, NIGHT The DOCTOR and CLARA run to the TARDIS and step inside. INT. HOUSE, PARLOUR, NIGHT ALEC: (paces) Don't do it. EMMA: I'm sorry? ALEC: Nobody asked her to risk her life. This woman. She doesn't deserve... Whoever she is - however brilliant, however brave, she's not you. She's not worth risking a single hair on your head. Not to me! (he can't look at EMMA) EMMA: Tell me what I'm thinking. ALEC: I can't. I don't have your gift. EMMA: (steps closer) You don't need it... just look at me and tell me. ALEC looks up and EMMA smiles at him. He smiles back. EMMA: There you are, you read my mind. INT. TARDIS CLARA is up on the console level while the DOCTOR is working underneath. CLARA: Can't you just... y'know? DOCTOR: What? CLARA: Fly the TARDIS into the parallel universe? (sits with legs over the side) DOCTOR: Ah, it's not a parallel universe. It's a POCKET universe. Plus, it is collapsing. (puts crystal in pocket and walks over to CLARA) I mean, the TARDIS could get in there, all right, but entropy would bleed her power sources, you see? Trap her there until the entire universe decayed back into the quantum foam. Which would take about three minutes, give or take, you know. EXT. HOUSE, NIGHT Bundled wires snake from the TARDIS to the house. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOUSE, MUSIC ROOM, NIGHT The wires go from the door through to the music room. They are hooked to a tripod on top of which is the large object the DOCTOR slipped into his pocket from the TARDIS. CLARA: (reaches out o touch) What is that? DOCTOR: (slaps her hand away) A subset of the Eye of Harmony. CLARA: I don't... DOCTOR: Of course you don't. Be weird if you did, I barely do myself. (to EMMA) Right, you, sit down. (puts a wire "crown" over her head, in the middle of which is a blue crystal) All the way... from Metebelis Three. Around the perimeter of the room are a variety of clocks resting either on boxes or piles of books on chairs. EMMA: What does it do? DOCTOR: (uses the sonic on the clocks) It amplifies your natural abilities - like a microphone. Or a pooper-scooper! The clocks start ticking. ALEC: What exactly is this arrangement? DOCTOR: A psychochronograph. CLARA helps the DOCTOR into a harness. ALEC: Forgive me, but isn't it all a bit, well... make-do and mend? DOCTOR: Non-psychic technology won't work where I'm going. (buckles harness) All I need to do is dive into another dimension, find the traveller, help her escape the monster, get home before the entire dimension collapses and Bob's your uncle. EMMA: Doctor? Will it hurt? DOCTOR: (bends over) No. (straightens) Well, yes. Probably. A bit. Well, quite a lot. I don't know. It might be agony. To be perfectly honest, I'll be interested to find out. The clocks continue ticking. EMMA looks over at ALEC who nods. EMMA looks back at the DOCTOR and takes a few deep breaths. EMMA: (closes eyes) I'm talking to the lost soul that abides in this place. I'm speaking to Hila Tacorian. The DOCTOR slowly picks up the end of the rope on the winch. Some clocks begin to go backwards while others speed forwards. EMMA breaths deeply before opening her eyes and looking straight ahead. There is an electronic whizzing and she gasps. At the other side of the room, the spinning disc has reappeared. The glass shatters and there is a bright light and high wind. DOCTOR: (turns his head to ALEC and CLARA) See? The Witch of the Well! It's a wormhole! (hooks rope to harness) A reality well! A door to the echo universe! (to EMMA) Ready? EMMA: READY! The DOCTOR turns around, looks at the wormhole, cracks his neck and shrugs. DOCTOR: Geronimo. The DOCTOR runs and jumps into the wormhole. DOCTOR: Wah... CLARA, ALEC and EMMA can only watch. INT. WORMHOLE The DOCTOR clings to the rope as he travels/falls through the wormhole. DOCTOR: Whoa... INT. HOUSE, MUSIC ROOM, NIGHT The winch spins as the rope is pulled. CLARA: Doctor! ALEC holds CLARA back. EXT. WOODS, POCKET UNIVERSE The DOCTOR lands. DOCTOR: Whoa! He unbuckles the harness and takes it off, letting it drop to the ground. He then runs off to look for Hila. He skids to a stop at the literal edge of the universe. It looks light a giant floating island in a sea of stars. The wind howls around. The DOCTOR runs back into the woods. DOCTOR: Hila! Hila! Hila Tacorian! The DOCTOR comes to a sudden stop, aware that something else is there with him. There is a whooshing sound. The DOCTOR takes a couple of small steps as he hears a scampering sound. He walks slowly, looking about, trying to find the source. DOCTOR: One... two... (closes eyes) three! (turns around quickly) HILA: (O.C.) Help me! Help! The DOCTOR runs and almost runs into HILA as she runs out of the fog. DOCTOR: Ah! Hila Tacorian, I presume. (grabs her hand and starts to run) HILA: (refuses to move) Who are you? DOCTOR: (comes back) Collapsing universe. You and me, dead, two minutes. No time, complete sentences - abandon planet! (starts off) HILA: Wait! There's something in the mist. DOCTOR: Then run! Run! The two run. INT. HOUSE, MUSIC ROOM, NIGHT EMMA watches the wormhole. EXT. WOODS, POCKET UNIVERSE The DOCTOR and HILA keep running. INT. HOUSE, MUSIC ROOM, NIGHT EMMA watches the wormhole. EXT. WOODS, POCKET UNIVERSE The DOCTOR and HILA keep running. EMMA: (V.O.) Doctor, Doctor! Come home. Doctor, come home! DOCTOR: Not that way. Which means... probably... They turn back and keep running. HILA: What's wrong? DOCTOR: You know that exit I mentioned? HILA: Yes? DOCTOR: I seem to have misplaced it. They come to a stop as they hear scampering sounds. They back up against each other and turn, frightened. The DOCTOR puts his hands up to calm HILA. He looks around. EMMA: (V.O.) Doctor! DOCTOR: This way! INT. HOUSE, MUSIC ROOM, NIGHT EMMA reaches a hand out towards the wormhole. ALEC still holds CLARA. EMMA: DOCTOR... come home! EXT. WOODS, POCKET UNIVERSE Something starts to appear in the mist ahead of them. EMMA: (V.O.) Doctor, we're here! DOCTOR: Whoa! The DOCTOR holds up a hand and they both stop. Ahead of them is Caliburn House. HILA: What's that? DOCTOR: An echo house, in an echo universe. Clever psychic, that is just top-notch. The DOCTOR and HILA run for the house. INT. HOUSE, MUSIC ROOM, NIGHT EMMA reaches a hand out towards the wormhole. ALEC still holds CLARA. EMMA: Doctor! EXT. WOODS, POCKET UNIVERSE The DOCTOR and HILA keep running. As they get closer, we see the creature is following them. INT. HOUSE, MUSIC ROOM, NIGHT EMMA: Doctor! INT. HOUSE, FRONT HALL, POCKET UNIVERSE The DOCTOR and HILA enter the house and slam the doors shut behind them. The DOCTOR locks them. Growling and snarling come from the other side. The DOCTOR puts his ear against the door. DOCTOR: It's looking for a way in. The beast rams the door on the other side causing the DOCTOR to jump back. He and HILA run for the music room. INT. HOUSE, MUSIC ROOM, NIGHT EMMA: I'm not strong enough! CLARA: Just a few more seconds! EMMA screams. INT. HOUSE, STATUARY HALL, POCKET UNIVERSE DOCTOR: Grab the rope, give it three tugs! Quick as you like! HILA: (puts on harness) What about you? DOCTOR: I'll be next. (takes off tie) HILA tugs the rope as directed. INT. HOUSE, MUSIC ROOM, NIGHT ALEC and CLARA see the rope on the winch move. ALEC begins to crank the rope. CLARA keeps her eye on the wormhole, watching for the DOCTOR. INT. HOUSE, STATUARY HALL, POCKET UNIVERSE HILA is pulled into the wormhole. INT. HOUSE, MUSIC ROOM, NIGHT ALEC continues to work the winch. HILA falls into the room with a cry. INT. HOUSE, STATUARY HALL, POCKET UNIVERSE The DOCTOR uses his tie on the door to keep it closed. INT. HOUSE, HALL, POCKET UNIVERSE The creature makes its way to the door. INT. HOUSE, STATUARY HALL, POCKET UNIVERSE The DOCTOR turns to head for the wormhole when he hears a familiar thudding as the creature bangs against the door. DOCTOR: Ah! Oh, that's what that noise was! Lovely. The DOCTOR continues towards the portal. INT. HOUSE, MUSIC ROOM, NIGHT With a gasp, EMMA falls from the chair to her knees. ALEC runs over to her. INT. HOUSE, STATUARY HALL, POCKET UNIVERSE The portal dims. INT. HOUSE, MUSIC ROOM, NIGHT CLARA: No! ALEC cradles EMMA. INT. HOUSE, STATUARY HALL, POCKET UNIVERSE The portal disappears. INT. HOUSE, MUSIC ROOM, NIGHT CLARA runs to the spot where the wormhole was. INT. HOUSE, STATUARY HALL, POCKET UNIVERSE The DOCTOR turns around slowly, knowing the creature is on the other side of the door. He takes one step... EXT. WOODS, POCKET UNIVERSE ...and finds himself alone in the woods. The house is gone. He hears the whooshing of the creature and looks around nervously. He kneels down and carefully picks up his bow tie without taking his eyes off the trees. DOCTOR: Oh, dear. EXT. HOUSE, NIGHT The TARDIS stands, solitary, outside. The cloister bell tolls. INT. HOUSE, MUSIC ROOM, NIGHT CLARA whips her head around. EXT. WOODS, POCKET UNIVERSE The DOCTOR slowly stands. DOCTOR: Oh... dear. EXT. HOUSE, NIGHT The cloister bell continues to toll. EXT. WOODS, POCKET UNIVERSE The DOCTOR hears the whooshing and looks around. DOCTOR: Where are you? The DOCTOR hears the creature and runs. EXT. HOUSE, NIGHT The cloister bell tolls. INT. HOUSE, MUSIC ROOM, NIGHT CLARA looks back to EMMA and ALEC. CLARA: Wake up! (rushes over) WAKE UP! (kneels beside EMMA) Open the thing! EMMA: (sobs into ALEC'S chest) I'm sorry. ALEC: Don't be sorry. Don't be. What you did... (strokes EMMA'S hair) CLARA: Wasn't enough, she needs to do it again. ALEC: She can't. Look at her. CLARA: She HAS to! CLARA stares at ALEC, who in turns looks at the tired EMMA. No one does anything. CLARA: (stands) We can't leave him. (runs from the room) ALEC: (holds EMMA'S head between his hands) I know you feel that you can't do this, Emma, but... look at that woman over there. (looks over at HILA) You saved her. She's only here because of your strength and so am I. EXT. HOUSE, NIGHT CLARA runs out to the TARDIS and pulls on the handles to open. CLARA: Oh, come ON! Let me in, you grumpy old cow! There is an electronic buzzing and CLARA turns around to see a copy of herself standing there. CLARA: Whoa! INT. HOUSE, MUSIC ROOM, NIGHT ALEC: I was as lost as her... but being with you... you give me a reason to be, Emma. You brought me back from the dead. ALEC helps EMMA stand. HILA stands as well. EMMA put the "crown" back on. The three of them then join hands. EMMA closes her eyes. EXT. HOUSE, NIGHT CLARA: What's this now? The image of CLARA flickers. It is a projection. TARDIS: The TARDIS Voice Visual Interface. I'm programmed to select the image of a person you esteem. Of several billion such images in my databanks, this one best meets the criterion. CLARA: Oh, you are a cow. I knew it! Whatever. You have to help the Doctor. TARDIS: The Doctor is in the pocket universe. CLARA: You can enter the pocket universe. TARDIS: The entropy would drain the energy from my heart. In four seconds, I'd be stranded. In ten, I'd be dead. CLARA: You're talking but all I hear is, "Meh, meh, meh." Come on, let's go! (the projection disappears and she turns to the TARDIS and pounds on the door) Hey, hey, hey! INT. HOUSE, PARLOUR, NIGHT The trio stands, hands held. The crystal in the "crown" glows. EMMA: Doctor? The disc appears and spins. EMMA: Can you hear me? DOCTOR?! EXT. HOUSE, NIGHT CLARA pulls on the door handles of the TARDIS. CLARA: Oh, come ON! The door opens and CLARA smiles before hurrying inside. INT. HOUSE, PARLOUR, NIGHT The portal opens. EMMA: Doctor? Can you hear me? EXT. WOODS, POCKET UNIVERSE The DOCTOR runs and stops, getting his bearings, before continuing on. INT. VORTEX The TARDIS spins through the vortex. INT. TARDIS CLARA holds on for dear life as the TARDIS tumbles. CLARA: Ah! Whoa! WAH! INT. HOUSE, PARLOUR, NIGHT EMMA: Doctor... EXT. WOODS, POCKET UNIVERSE EMMA: (V.O.) Doctor, we're here. Come home! The house appears again and the DOCTOR heads for it. DOCTOR: Emma? The DOCTOR stops when he hears the whooshing and snarling. He spins around nervously. DOCTOR: What do you want? To frighten me, I suppose, eh? Because that's what you do. You hide... There is an eerie laughing. DOCTOR: You're the bogeyman under the bed. Seeking whom you may devour. Ah! Ah. You want me to be afraid? Then well done. There is a rattling and we see the creature come out from behind a tree. DOCTOR: I am the Doctor... and I am afraid! INT. VORTEX The TARDIS spins through the vortex. CLARA: (V.O.) 'Wah!' INT. TARDIS CLARA clings to the console. CLARA: Oh, oh! Whoa! INT. HOUSE, MUSIC ROOM, NIGHT EMMA: Doctor... hurry! EXT. WOODS, POCKET UNIVERSE The DOCTOR looks around warily. We see the creature behind the DOCTOR, but it's gone when he turns around. The creature laughs. DOCTOR: So why am I still here, huh? Why not just... eat me? Huh? Come on. Because you still need me! Yeah, you need me to piggyback you across. (laughs) To which I say... come on then, big boy... chase me. The DOCTOR runs and the creature chases him. He makes for the edge but the beasts tackles him, knocking him to the ground. DOCTOR: Ah! On his back, the DOCTOR gets his first view of the beast. It looks like it's made of melted wax. It stands over his legs. At that moment, the TARDIS arrives in the sky. CLARA: (V.O.) Woo-hoo! Woo! The DOCTOR laughs as the TARDIS passes over them, knocking the creature backwards allowing the DOCTOR to get up. INT. TARDIS CLARA clings to the console. CLARA: Woo-hoo! EXT. WOODS, POCKET UNIVERSE The TARDIS swings back. CLARA: (V.O.) Woo! The DOCTOR runs towards the TARDIS and grabs hold as it passes. INT. HOUSE, MUSIC ROOM, DAY EMMA screams in agony as she falls to her knees. The TARDIS materializes and the DOCTOR leans against it, panting. In front of it, EMMA gasps, HILA and ALEC on either side of her. The DOCTOR comes around from the side just as CLARA opens the door. They exchange a weak high-five. He sees EMMA and hurries over. The DOCTOR puts a hand on EMMA to see that she's OK. He straightens and looks outside the window and the sunlight streams in. He smiles. EXT. HOUSE, DAY The sun is shining brightly after a dismal night of rain. Birds are singing. INT. HOUSE, FRONT HALL, DAY CLARA is walking towards the front door, the DOCTOR following. EMMA comes up behind the DOCTOR. The DOCTOR leans against the door, arms crossed, and looks outside at ALEC, HILA and CLARA. EMMA: You wanted a word? DOCTOR: Well, if that's... EMMA: That's fine. The DOCTOR uncrosses his arms, turns around and looks at EMMA. EMMA: You didn't come here for the ghost, did you? DOCTOR: No. EMMA: You came here for me. DOCTOR: Yes. EMMA: Why? DOCTOR: I needed to ask you something. EMMA: Then ask. DOCTOR: Clara... EMMA: Yes? DOCTOR: (walks over to EMMA) What is she? EMMA: She's a girl. DOCTOR: Yes, but what kind of girl? Specifically. EMMA: She's a perfectly ordinary girl. Very pretty... DOCTOR: Hmm. EMMA: ..very clever... DOCTOR: (turns away) Hmm. EMMA: More scared than she lets on. DOCTOR: (stops at doorway) And that's it, is it? EMMA: Why? Is that not enough? EXT. HOUSE, DAY ALEC stands outside the TARDIS, resting a hand on the door. The DOCTOR approaches with HILA and EMMA. EMMA hugs HILA and the DOCTOR hugs them both. CLARA pushes away from the column she had been leaning against. EMMA: Where will you go? HILA: He can't take me home. History says I went missing. EMMA: But he can change history. DOCTOR: No, no, no, I can't, actually. There are fixed points in time you see... CLARA: (comes over) Hi. DOCTOR: What? CLARA pulls the DOCTOR away. HILA: I knew you were there... I could feel you. EMMA: I know... The DOCTOR takes a step forward but CLARA holds him back. HILA: Have we...? EMMA: We can't have. You haven't even been born yet. DOCTOR: (pulls away from CLARA) No, you can't have met but she can be your great- great-great-great-great-granddaughter. (ALEC joins them) Yours too, of course! But you'd guessed that already, hadn't you? Oh... apparently not. ALEC: The paradoxes... DOCTOR: Resolve themselves, by and large. That's why the psychic link was so powerful - blood calling to blood. Out of time. Not everything ends, eh? (slaps ALEC on the arm as he walks to the TARDIS) Not love. Not always. ALEC: (follows DOCTOR) Doctor, what about, what about... us? Emma and me? DOCTOR: What about you? ALEC: Well, what's supposed to happen? I mean, what do we do now? EMMA comes to stand beside ALEC. DOCTOR: Hold hands... that's what you're meant to do. Keep doing that and don't let go. That's the secret. The DOCTOR claps his hands and heads for the TARDIS. As he does, he remembers when he and CLARA were looking for the ghost. CLARA: (V.O.) Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] FLASHBACK MONTAGE INT. HOUSE, MUSIC ROOM, NIGHT CLARA: I'm not happy. INT. HOUSE, HALL, NIGHT As the DOCTOR and CLARA leave a particular hall, there is a snarling and scraping sound and a part of something can be seen in the shadows. EXT. WOODS, POCKET UNIVERSE DOCTOR: Yeah, you need me to piggyback you across. INT. HOUSE, HALL, NIGHT DOCTOR: I'm not holding your hand. INT. HOUSE, HALL, NIGHT They slowly look behind them, and, in a flash of lightning, see the outline of *something*. They scream and run. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. HOUSE, DAY DOCTOR: (smacks forehead) I'm so... slow! (turns around) I am slow, I'm notorious for it, that's always been my problem, but I get there in the end. Oh, yes. CLARA: Doctor? DOCTOR: How do sharks make babies? CLARA: Carefully? DOCTOR: No, no, no - happily! CLARA: Sharks don't actually smile. They're just... Well, they've got lots and lots of teeth - they're quite eaty. DOCTOR: Exactly! But birds do it, bees do it - even educated FLEAS do it. Every lonely monster needs a companion. The DOCTOR runs to where he can see into the house. CLARA: (follows) There's two of them?! In the window can be seen one of the creatures. DOCTOR: It's the oldest story in the universe - this one, or any other. Boy and girl fall in love, get separated by events - war, politics, accidents in time. She's thrown out of the HEX, (puts his arm around CLARA'S shoulders) or he's thrown into it. Since then they've been yearning for each other across time and space - across dimensions - this isn't a ghost story, it's a... love story! (looks at CLARA, realizes what he's done and removes his arm) Sorry. (runs back to the others) Excuse me! Excuse me! Sorry to interrupt the rest of your life. (to EMMA) So... tiny favour to ask... EXT. WOODS, POCKET UNIVERSE The DOCTOR lands and takes off the harness. He runs through the woods. DOCTOR: I'm sorry! I understand now! I can take you to her! I can take you to a safe place far away from here! You can be together! Well, come on then! She's WAITING! The DOCTOR hears the snarling and turns around with a smile. The creature has a long twisted neck and the face is somewhat distorted, almost like it's decomposing. DOCTOR: Well, hello again, you old Romeo, you! (hears the TARDIS) Now... here she comes. INT. VORTEX The TARDIS spins through the vortex. CLARA: (V.O.) Ha-ha! Woo! INT. TARDIS CLARA clings to the console. CLARA: Ah! EXT. WOODS, POCKET UNIVERSE The TARDIS come spinning through the sky. CLARA: (V.O.) 'Woo!' DOCTOR: Get ready to jump.

Thinking empathic psychic Emma Grayling may be able to shed some light on Clara, the Doctor goes to 1974, where Emma and her future husband Prof. Alec Palmer are investigating a ghost known as the Witch of the Well, in Caliburn House. After the house grows cold and the message "help me" appears, the Doctor borrows Alec's camera and uses the TARDIS to take pictures of the mansion's location throughout time. Thanks to this, the Doctor learns it's not a ghost in the pictures, but a time traveler named Hila Tukurian who got stuck in a pocket dimension; she's running from a hideous creature. The Doctor quickly constructs a device that amplifies Emma's psychic abilities, creating a portal to the pocket dimension. Emma cannot keep the portal open long enough for the Doctor to escape. Clara manages to persuade the TARDIS to briefly fly through and collect the Doctor, who hangs on to the exterior and is dragged back to reality. The Doctor explains Hila is a descendant of Emma and Alec. The Doctor realises another creature was inside the mansion and its mate was the creature in the pocket dimension; he quickly returns to save it.

fd_Salem_02x09

fd_Salem_02x09_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] John: I thought you weren't done with me yet. Tituba: Depends on you, witch hunter, whether or not you can see how well our interests are aligned. John: It's hard to see what we've got in common. Tituba: Love and betrayal. Sebastian: My mother would have your father's book of shadows. Anne: Tell her the book is mine, and I will not give it to her until I choose. Cotton: Lay aside your science, Wainwright, and fall to your knees. This is what they plan for us. Wainwright: They? Who? Cotton: Witches. Wainwright: And this orrery, like some celestial clockwork, tracks the comet overhead? Mary: What is it you want from me? Wainwright: I want in. Countess Marburg: My dark lord is already inside the boy. And come the comet... We shall let him out. Mercy: What kind of mother would abandon her only child to the woods? The night is our playground. Mary: You said that once you were sure, you would tell me the secret tor destroying Countess Marburg. You spoke of an object. Increase: She keeps it close. Mary: Where? On the ship? Increase: It is the ship. Sebastian: This is the boy who sets my mother's heart ablaze. It's time to meet your queen. [ Clicking ] [ Bubbling ] Wainwright: I must have more of you and your unfathomable secrets. Mary: Mm, do not fear. You will in time. My dear doctor, I really thought that no man could find his way into my affections. But you have surprised me in so many ways. In return, you have had a small taste of the ecstasy and insight that awaits you down the crooked way. I warn you... It leads far from the comfortable main roads of civilization. Wainwright: Well, then let me begin my journey at once. Mary: Patience. Before you can continue your journey, you must go before the dark powers and strike your own bargain. At the witching hour, at midnight... Your journey begins then. In the meantime, you must make yourself useful. Wainwright: Anything. I am your humble servant. Mary: Destroy all your work... Everything you have written or gathered on the plague. All of it must be burned. Wainwright: [ Chuckles ] A scientist's notes are his life blood and the building blocks of all of his work. Mary: I told you last night... We are at war. Your observations on the plague are proof of my witchcraft. If Cotton Mather were to find it... Wainwright: You ask too much of me. Mary: But in return, you shall have so much more. Wainwright: [ Sighs ] It's true. Mather did all but promise to lead a crusade against the witches of Salem, and they would treat you far worse than the Inquisition treated Galileo. They would burn you like Bruno. Mary: Well, then unless you wish to see me martyred for our science, there can be nothing that leads back to me. Wainwright: It is not my papers that will lead him back to you but what we saw in the crags. Mary: Leave the crags to me. Wainwright: [ Sighs heavily ] [ Indistinct conversations ] Tituba: Shall I bring the young master his breakfast? Mary: No. No, I have another task for you. Tituba: Increase Mather! Mary: The one and only. I used it to summon his soul. Tituba: Risking necromancy without my aid is dangerous enough, but to raise Increase Mather from the dead... Mary: Your aid? I have new allies. Do not worry your cowardly mind. I've already sent him back from whence he came. But his specter proved quite useful. Apparently our Countess has a weakness... Her ancient, rotting corpse is the secret to her longevity. Increase told me where to find it, and at the right moment, it and she will be mine. Tituba: You trust him? Mary: Rather than you? I dare say. Now, for once, can you just do your job? You may start by disposing of that. Time to wake, John. Seize the day, my love. John? Countess Marburg: Lost something? How careless. [ "Cupid carries a gun" plays ] ♪ Pound me the witch drums ♪ ♪ witch drums ♪ ♪ pound me the witch drums ♪ ♪ pound me the witch drums ♪ ♪ the witch drums ♪ ♪ better pray for hell ♪ ♪ not hallelujah ♪ Mary: Where is he? Countess Marburg: Our little lamb is safe and sound. Mary: Tell me what you've done with him or I will rip the truth from your heart. Countess Marburg: [ Chuckles ] My heart? Better you should search your own. Mary: Oh, to hell with your riddles. Speak plainly or choke on my wrath. What have you done with my son? Countess Marburg: Perhaps it was the genius of those hags and your dusky caretaker to keep you in such ignorance. Mary: Ignorance? Of what? Countess Marburg: Poor dear. Of everything. Surely you knew that no great working can take place without a sacrifice. Mary: No. Countess Marburg: For this, the greatest of all workings, only the greatest of all sacrifices will do. Your son was born precisely that he should be the vessel for the dark lord's return. Mary: You are lying. It cannot be. Countess Marburg: I know this must seem... a terrible betrayal. Do you not think that the other Mary felt betrayal when she realized what God intended for the son he gave her? The Angel of the annunciation failed to mention that she would end up weeping at the foot of the cross beneath her slaughtered son. Now, like that other Mary, you must look beyond the deceit and embrace the glorious gift. And what an honor to sacrifice one's own to such a cause. It's a sacrifice I sought to make many years ago with my own son, Sebastian. I would have given anything for that honor, for him as well as for me. Alas, it was not meant to be. Mary: [ Crying ] There must be another way. Countess Marburg: I'm afraid not. When the comet blazes overhead tomorrow night, little John will be baptized in the river of hell-blood and granted the infinite honor of using his mortal frame to bear his dark force. Mary: [ Sobbing ] No. No, I won't do it. Countess Marburg: The choice is yours. Join us at the crags tomorrow and baptize him, allow our little prince to fulfill his destiny... Or I will bathe in his young blood as I have so many others. Mary: Kill him and the Grand Rite is over. Countess Marburg: For a time, yes. C'est la vie. But I am everlasting, unlike you, and when the starry messenger returns, it will be I who completes the Grand Rite. Mary: So either way, if I do as you say, my boy dies. Countess Marburg: He was only born to be a vessel. Do not deprive him or yourself of that honor. Mary: [ Crying ] [ Indistinct conversations ] [ Knocks on door ] Cotton: [ Groans ] Go away! I'm in no state for visitors, especially the likes of you. How dare you. Hathorne: My god, man. If pigs could read, this is how they'd live. Cotton: I owe you no explanation. This is my home. Now get out of it. Hathorne: I have this morning received a communication from Boston telling me of your banishment. Cotton: [ Laughs ] Hathorne: Our elders forbade your returning to Salem. Cotton: It's of no consequence. I was... meant to come back. Hathorne: You believe the law does not apply to you. Cotton: I live by the law, sir... The highest law. God's calling far outweighs the rules of a few narrow-minded bostonians. Hathorne: So, you think you're divinely summoned to be in our village? Cotton: For all our safety, I must be here to fight the witches. In my father's own words, save my very soul. Hathorne: Your father no longer breathes the air of Salem, and soon, neither shall you. Gentlemen, escort him away. Cotton: [ Scoffs ] Hathorne, listen to me. This is much bigger than our rivalry over Anne Hale. Hathorne: I am not here as a man but as a magistrate... To do my duty. Cotton: Then let me stay here. As magistrate, it is your duty to protect this village. I have proof that the witches spread this pox and will use it to damn all of our souls to Hell. Hathorne: What is your proof? Cotton: You know the dead were sent to the crags? Hathorne: Yes. Against my wishes. Cotton: There the cadavers have turned into a kind of... Evil black pitch. It forms a portal to Hell. Hathorne: Hell? Sounds like the ramblings of a lunatic 'neath the full moon. Cotton: Or a man in terror who has seen it with his own eyes. I expect little trust from you. But put your faith in Dr. Wainwright. His reputation cannot be assailed. He was with me and witnessed the same. He will tell you that. [ Door opens ] Wainwright: Mather. I'd no doubt enjoy one of our stimulating philosophical jousts, but my time at the moment is quite short. Cotton: Then I'll be brief. I need you to relay our treacherous situation to the magistrate. Wainwright: Well, in fact, I have some surprisingly good news. Today marks the first 24-hour period since I arrived in Salem without a single new infection. I do believe the worst may be past and this pox may finally be dying down. Hathorne: [ Clears throat ] Cotton: I've, um, spoken to him of the horrors we witnessed yesterday. Wainwright: Yes, well, [Chuckles] It's not often that I allow a novice to join my research, but Mather insisted on accompanying me to investigate the victims burry hell grounds. Wainwright: [ Sighs ] Little of any help. I had hoped to locate something to better fight off this parasitical pox. Cotton: Tell him about the black pitch. Wainwright: Black pitch? Cotton: What we both saw at the crags... Bodies disintegrating into an ungodly black pitch. A most unnatural substance you said you'd never eyed before. For god's sake, man, it set a branch on fire. Inwright: My dear Mather, we'd both had a fair bit to drink the night before, and in the light of day, I can't really say what I saw. Cotton: You saw what I saw, and now I need you to tell the magistrate about it. Wainwright: Be reasonable, friend. We saw nothing that can't be explained by the condition of those who saw it. Gentlemen, this pox may nearly be over, but I still have much work to do. Hathorne: What say you about this discrepancy, Mather? Cotton: He's lying! For all we know, he is under some witch's control! Wainwright: Mather, I like you, truly, but you go too far, and I've had enough. You have the word of a royally certified physician or a failed divine known for his drunken rages who attacked even you, so believe who you will. Cotton: Or believe your own eyes. As magistrate, you owe it to the people of Salem to investigate yourself. Come with me to the crags and then decide who speaks the truth. You want to save this town. You want to be Salem's leader. All I ask is that you see for yourself. Wainwright: I won't have any more of this nonsense. Hathorne: N-no, doctor. We shall go, all three of us. Wainwright: With all due respect, Magistrate... Hathorne: As magistrate, it is not your respect I require but your obedience. Wainwright: As you will. The Angels of Revelation said: "Come. See. Hell is here." Wainwright: Birds often die in a flock. It's grotesque, yes, but hardly unnatural. Cotton: God in Heaven... Wainwright: Just as I said. Hathorne: Where is your devilish black pitch? Cotton: It's the witches' doing. They've made it disappear. Hathorne: Or perhaps your gin consumption has finally caught up with you. Wainwright: In all fairness, my dear friend has suffered much lately... The loss of a father, banishment. And the strains of life can sometimes make the mind play vicious tricks. Cotton: It is not my mind playing vicious tricks but your lying mouth. Wainwright: My dear Mather, you said not two nights ago you'd seen your dead father. You must recognize that that hallucination was brought on by your own distressed soul. And I believe this was just more of the same. Cotton: Who got to you? What did they offer you?! Hathorne: Take him away. Cotton: You've sold your soul! You will go to hell. Let go of me! [ Grunting, breathing heavily ] You will burn in hell, Wainwright! Hell!! [SCENE_BREAK] Sebastian: [ Claps ] Bravo. I always say a beautiful woman should break her mirror early. Mary: Come to twist your mother's dagger? Sebastian: Oh, no. No, my mother doesn't know I'm here. I've just come by to... to help you see things more clearly. Mary: Very nice. Can you do that with my life? Sebastian: If you'd let me, I just might. Mary: My son is all that means anything to me. Sebastian: And to my mother. Mary: She wants... Sebastian: We both know what she wants. Do you know what I want? You. I saw you with him last night. Imagine what that would feel like with a fellow adept rather than a novice. Mary: Take my body, just give me back my son. Sebastian: Hold that thought. [ Door opens ] Speak of the devil and he appears. [ Knock on door ] Wainwright: Am I interrupting? Mary: [ Sighs ] Wainwright: I'm sorry. I'll come back. Mary: No, uh, come in, Doctor. We were just... Sebastian: Speaking of you. Mary has told me everything. Mary and I share many things, except, it would seem, her bed. That delight apparently is yours and yours alone. Wainwright: It seems I may have tread upon territory once marked by another. Sebastian: No. Indeed no. It would seem the better man has claimed the prize. Do not worry. I... Mary trusts me enough to keep your nighttime dalliances to myself. So can you. And please rest assured there is no ill will between us, and there are no secrets between the three of us now. Follow my lead. Be careful what you say. As for your boy, anything is possible... For good or for ill. Mary: The baron is one of us. He would advance our cause. You may speak freely. Wainwright: Well, I've just come back from the crags with Mather and Hathorne. I don't know how you did it, but Mather was utterly baffled. And no one, Hathorne least of all, will believe anything he says now. Mary: We call it glamour. Sebastian: Yes, a minor, but effective tool. Wainwright: [ Chuckles ] Minor? It's beyond the conception of our greatest minds. I must know more. Sebastian: And so you shall. Mary and I were just discussing that. Think of me as a guide who, along with Mary, will lead you to explore your new horizons. You understand it is not easy for a woman of her standing to move about with a man such as yourself. People would talk. She has asked me to act in her stead. And I can assure you, sir, I am skilled at the highest order of the dark arts and sciences. I am to lead you to the woods for your initiation. Wainwright: Now? Sebastian: But of course. Why waste any time? A man of your caliber will be of inestimable use to us. And the sooner you are initiated, the better. Wainwright: Is this your will, ma'am? Should I follow him? Sebastian: You can't save everyone. Think of your boy. If you ever want to see him again, leave the good doctor to me. Mary: Yes. Yes, he will show you the way. Wainwright: Excellent. The sooner I tear the veil away, the better. I'm positively giddy as a schoolboy. Sebastian: Time enough for all that later. Come. There are secrets of the universe to unveil. [ Brown Jenkins squeaks ] Mr. Hale: My dearest daughter, if you are reading this, then I am dead, and you have gone some way down the dark path. I sealed this work so that you could only read it if you had attained some skills and a familiar. But what awaits is yet more significant and treacherous. Perhaps I was mistaken in keeping this all from you, but I dreamt I could save you from your fate. Now the lessons I should have taught you, you'll have to learn without me. But my heart and love are with you always. Know that you are not alone. [ Insects buzzing ] Sebastian: Mary certainly chose her protégé well. Wainwright: How so? Sebastian: Most men fear two things... The demon-haunted night and the woods filled with Indians and far worser beasts. And yet, here you are, and you're not the slightest bit afraid. Wainwright: My mind is not shackled by the petty superstitions and fairy tales of religion. Sebastian: Well, let us just say there are accurate superstitions and true fairy tales. As you will soon learn, all true knowledge once came from the one they call the devil. He attempted, eons ago, to bestow this knowledge on a man and woman. Wainwright: Adam and Eve? Sebastian: As I said, some fairy tales are real. Are you ready to take a bite out of that forbidden fruit? Wainwright: I am. At whatever cost, I am. It's all that I've ever wanted from life... Answers. Sebastian: Rest assured, dear doctor, after tonight, all the secrets of the universe will be laid out before you and all your questions answered. That is, of course, should you complete your initiation with your sanity intact. Wainwright: I have so much to learn. I thank you, sir. Really. I believe my entire life has been leading to this very moment. Ever since I was a child, I-I've dreamt of nothing more than seeking out the hidden places in nature. Now I feel like... An explorer on the edge of an undiscovered continent. But not this continent... Something far greater. Sebastian: So you are, my optimistic friend. Now let your exploration begin. Wainwright: [ Screams ] Sebastian: To your exploration, sir. You shall be the first man since Dante to enter Hell alive. Fear not. I will be there to comfort Mary in your absence. Tituba: You wanted to see me? Mary: He is gone. Tituba: Who's gone? Mary: My son. You remember him. The one you spent all those years lying to me about. The Countess has him and prepares him for a sacrifice, but you know all about that, don't you? I seem to be the only one who didn't. Why? Why did you deceive me for all those years? Tituba: If I'd have told you, you never would have gone through with any of it. I did what was necessary. Mary: You were my friend. Tituba: Was I? Or was I never anything but your property? Your good father owned me like a horse or a cow, and I was to care for you. And I did. You were just a girl. What would you have done with a child? Mary: I would have loved him. I do love him. Tituba: And how long would your love have sustained you both in the wilderness? Mary: So you gave him away. Tituba: No. No, I didn't give him away. We sold him to the devil himself like I was sold as a slave time and time again. But unlike me, he fetched a great price. I told you then... In return, all the world would be yours. And so it is. And so it will be if you could just learn to harden your heart. Mary: What if I never wanted the world? What if a heart, a real heart, and the love that goes with it, is all I ever wanted? Tituba: Tell me, did you find any last night when you were spreading your legs for the good doctor while they snatched your child? Mary: [ Exclaims ] Tituba: Good. Let's see this true heart of yours. Go on. Do it. Cut mine out. Kill the only person who's ever devoted themself entirely to you. Go on. Do it. Do it. If you think killing me will bring back any of the love you've lost, you're wrong. Only sparing me will. Mary: How? Tituba: John Alden is alive. Mary: John. I can't imagine what you must think. John: [ Inhales deeply ] It's easy. I just keep asking myself... "How did I ever love you?" Mary: I thought you were dead. I had no idea you were held here like this. Yes, I am one of the witches, but... John: No. No. You were never just one of them. You rule them. Why? Mary: Would it make a difference? John: Maybe. Maybe make me think that you were worth loving once upon a time. Mary: War. War against all our enemies. The very ones whose demise we dreamt of in our youth... The black-cloaked hypocrites who branded our friends, forbade our love, crushed all our hopes and dreams. I did nothing on my own behalf but everything for the world I thought we both wanted. And if it took their blood, all of their blood, to build it, then so be it. John: Bullshit. You... You've been lying to me from the moment I first left Salem. And you've never ceased lying since. Mary: If so, I have been repaid in lies a thousandfold, used by the other witches to do what I would never, ever do. John: And what's that? Hmm? Mary: Kill our son. John: Our son? Mary: I have no life worth saving and nothing I've planned will ever come to be. I have no lies left, John, only an awful truth. Tituba: Wait. I know that he looks weak, but do not be deceived. He will kill us both. He's the witch killer. He's not the man you once loved. Mary: Well, none of us are who were once were, are we? John: [ Grunts ] Mary: Kill me if you must, but it will not alter the facts. We do have a son. And they mean to kill him. Cotton: I need to speak to Anne Hale. She would want to come with me. Hathorne: Oh, isn't that just like the scoundrel? To doom an innocent with his own misery and punishment. Cotton: She is to be my wife. Hathorne: Perhaps. But that was before she knew just how far outside the bounds you'd step. But don't worry. I'll make sure she's informed of your situation. And when she cries over your predicament, I promise my own comforting shoulder will await her. Tell anyone who asks the coach was attacked by Pequot. Make sure he's dead by the time you reach Amherst. Mary: This is John's room. He asked who his father was. I told him you were the very best of men, as was your father before you. He asked your name, and he claimed it for himself. When you went to war, I was a woman alone with child. John: Why didn't you tell me? If I'd known... Mary: You would have stayed and died at George Sibley's order. No. No, I had no escape till Tituba offered me salvation. John: You gave him up? Mary: Yes. I gave up our unborn child's life so that I might have a life of my own with you someday. What was I to do, John? I thought you died in the war. I had no word from you. You left me with no choice. For seven long years, I have lived with the guilt that I left our unborn child for dead in those woods, never to take his first breath, never to see his first sunrise, to hear his mother's heart beat, to look into his father's eyes. John: You told me none of it! Mary: When you came back to Salem, it was too late for us. And they would have killed you. They nearly did. It took all my strength to shield you from them. I loved you with all my heart. Life had passed us by, and I believed the child we had created was gone forever. John: But our son lived? Mary: Yes. Yes, that was the real lie. They didn't want him dead, not then. I was deceived by the Essex witches, by all those around me, by the only friend I had. All those years that I believed our child was dead, Tituba knew that he was being raised in the woods by the Elders. She kept it a secret until that night we were to meet under the moon and leave Salem forever. But before I could come to you, Tituba brought our little boy to me. I couldn't abandon him yet again. I had to stay with our son. John: I have a son. We have a son. Mary: We do. John: [ Chuckles ] Mary: And if we don't stop them, he will die never knowing you. You said you came to kill witches. Was it really just to kill me? Just vengeance? Or do you want to stop them, stop what I started, what they mean to finish? John, I beg you. Forget what you think of me. Hate me. Kill me. Just walk away and never see me again. But first, help me save our son. Mr. Hale: You have known for some time that you can move objects with your thought and without touch, but you must learn to do it without the heat of emotion. A lightning bolt may scorch an entire forest. Only a human hand can build a fire and tend a flame. Control is all. There is one power above all others, a divine power that comes with the greatest of responsibilities... That of life and death. The essence in all things is palpable to you. With it, you can give life or snatch it away. This is the truest malice a witch may perform... To kill at a distance with nothing but their will. You may wonder, dear daughter, with such gifts at your disposal, why I hid them from you. Because, dearest, there is no gift that is not also a curse, and I wish you save you from the price of your gifts. But having come this far, the price must be paid. I am so deeply sorry, my child, but it cannot be escaped or evaded. No gift without a curse. And he... is... the curse. Anne: [ Breathing shakily ] [ Creature growls in distance ] [ Screams ] [ Screams ] No! No! No! [ Crying ] Cotton! Cotton, help! [ Distantly ]: Cotton! [ Animal howls ] John: How can we find our son? Mary: Countess Marburg has him, but he will be well-guarded. John: No matter. I'll kill them all. Mary: No. No, she is far too powerful, stronger than any witch I've seen. But I know her weakness. Tomorrow night, she will take our son to the crags. They will be expecting me to join them, but you will be waiting for them, making sure our son remains out of harm's way. John: And where will you be? Mary: On the bitch's ship, finding her Achilles' heel and preparing to crush her. [ Indistinct talking ] Countess Marburg: Isn't it beautiful? A new star shines in Heaven just for you. And by the time it passes, you'll be that star. [ Indistinct chatter ] Mary: Do not fear, little one. Your father and I are coming for you.

As the "Starry Messenger" comet approaches Earth, heralding the culmination of the Witches' dark plan, the Countess Marburg makes a long awaited acquaintance with one who plays a pivotal role in her and the others' cause. Mary and Wainwright grow closer, their mutual affection heightened by recently discovered revelations, but as the pair plans for the next steps along the journey she has in store for him, Sebastian takes matters into his own hands by killing Wainwright out of jealousy. Even as Mary prepares to strike against the Countess, she receives news that shakes her to the core. As Cotton tries to reason out information recently revealed to him, the betrayal of a recently made ally may spell his mortal doom. Meanwhile, Anne continues to glean knowledge from her dead father's writings, and a long-brewing feud reaches a tipping point, culminating in a surprising and potentially game-changing disclosure.

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_06x03

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_06x03_0

Ted from 2030: Kids, in my early days of being a professor, I had one simple goal: give a lecture that changes someone's life. Then one afternoon in 2010, I achieved that goal. Ted's class Ted: Unfinished. Of all the words you could use to describe La Sagrada Familia... Brown, pointy, weird... The one that really seems to stick is "unfinished." Why? Because on June 7, 1926, the architect Antoni Gaudi... Whose beard was also brown, pointy, weird and unfinished......was run over by a bus. And so, his greatest masterpiece would remain forever... Ted from 2030: But first, let's back up a few days. A few days earlier - The Bar Barney: Ted, look across the bar. Three chicks: one hot, one kind of hot and one who I'm assuming is really funny. We ride! What's wrong? Ted: I don't know. Got a burger coming. Marshall: Bro, I told you, if you ever need a wingman, I'm your guy. Barney: Yeah, I'm not going to go through that again. [FLAHBACK] Barney: Hi. Barney Stinson. Marshall: And I'm Marshall, Barney's wingman. Barney: Thank you for your time. [END OF FLAHBACK] Barney: Fine. I'll have a three-way with hot and kind of hot while Giggles works the camera. I ride! Robin: So, get this: Last night, I was watching TV, and it turns out, some random satellite channel picks up a certain local Chicago newscast. [FLASHBACK] (Robin is watching TV in her appartment) TV Speaker: And now, the 11:00 News with Don Frank. [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted: Oh, man, it's bad enough to have to go through a horrible breakup, but then have that person pop up on your TV? Are you okay? Robin: Well, I'll admit, at first, I felt a little weird. But after the initial shock, I realized something: I've moved on. Finished with that. It was a peaceful moment of closure. Ted: That's great. Good for you. Robin: Yeah, thank you. Lily: Where's the poop, Robin? Robin: Excuse me? Lily: When I was a kid, I had a dog named Bean. Whenever he made the face that you're making right now, you just knew he pooped somewhere in the house. Where's the poop, Robin? Robin:I don't know what you're talking about. Lily: Where's the poop, Robin? Robin:There's no poop. Lily: Where's the poop? Robin:Okay. So it wasn't entirely a peaceful moment of closure. [FLASHBACK] (Robin is watching TV, drinking a beer) Robin: Hey, Don, here's some breaking news: there's a zit breaking ou on your forehead. Finished with that. [END OF FLASHBACK] Robin: Look, I'm not proud, but Don left so quickly that I never got the chance to have that final showdown. So yelling at him, even on TV, felt kind of good. And you know what? Now I truly am over him. Ted: That's great. Robin: Thank you. Lily: Good for you. Where's the poop, Robin? Robin: Damn it! Okay, in the process of truly getting over him, I may have called him and left an... indelicate voice mail. [FLASHBACK] (Robin is on the phone with Don's vocal) Robin: I am gonna kill you. I'm gonna fly to Chicago, kill you, put your stupid face on a deep dish pizza and eat it. And then maybe catch a Bears game. But mostly the killing and eating your face thing. [END OF FLASHBACK] Lily: Give me your phone. We're deleting Don's number. Robin: Don't worry. I am never doing that again. It was a one-time thing. Lily: Prove it. Delete contact. Robin: There. Deleted. (Barney comes back) Marshall: Back already. How was flying solo? And by "solo," I mean so low that you got shot down. Barney: Look, I didn't get shot down. Trust me, I'll get the yes. Barney Stinson always gets the yes. This is all part of the plan. After initial contact, I'm now in the ignoring phase. Lily: Barney, why can't you just take a girl out to dinner like a normal person? Barney: Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get the yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity. It requires a level of connection and eye contact that s*x just doesn't. Call me old-fashioned, but I need to have s*x with a girl at least three times before I'll even consider having dinner with her. Ted from 2030: The next day, at the university, I had a surprise visitor. At the university Ted: What are you doing here? Oh, God! You're dating one of my students. It's Rachel, isn't it? Barney, I know she wears provocative sweaters, but she's 19! Now I'm gonna have to hear all about it, right? Go on, tell me every detail. Barney: No, you pent-up old perv. I brought you a present. Recognize this? Ted: It's my building. Ted from 2030: Kids, you may remember that, a few years earlier, I was chosen to design the new Manhattan headquarters for Goliath National Bank. It was the opportunity every architect dreams about. And when the project was ultimately scrapped... it broke my heart. Barney: Do you remember how awesome it was to be co-workers... Nay, bro-workers? Ted: Wait a minute. Y-You don't mean... Barney: Ted Mosby, it's back on. We're gonna build your building. [CREDITS OPENING] The bar Marshall: This is awesome... You're designing our new headquarters. Now, there will be voices that tell you a hockey rink on the roof is unfeasible. You've got to shut those voices out. Ted: Actually, I think I'm gonna say no. Robin: No? Are you kidding me? Lily: But designing a building in New York City is your lifelong dream. Ted: I do not want to work for GNB again. Those guys are evil. No offense, Marshall. Marshall: Dude, none taken. Yes, GNB is, the Empire from Star Wars. But the Death Star's gonna get built either way. And don't you think the architect of the Death Star is pretty psyched to have that thing on his space resume? I mean, yes, his design was flawed in the sense that a single bullet fired into a particular vent would explode the whole thing. Ted: For all we know, that was the contractor's fault. Marshall: But that won't happen on your watch... you know why? Because you're Ted Mosby! And you are gonna design the most beautiful, ventless, Rebel-proof building in Manhattan, with clearly marked emergency stops for every trash compactor on the detention level. Ted: Look, I know this is hard to understand, but right now, I have a quiet, simple, happy little life. And I like it that way. I know what my answer has to be. Barney's office Ted: I can't take the job, Barney. I'm done with that life. No hard feelings? Barney: Of course not. Ted: All right. Ted from 2030: And I thought that was the end of the story. But then that night... The Bar Ted: I'm telling you, no architect would ever design a giant exposed vent right over a Death Star's core reactor. That's Space Architecture 101. It had to be the contractor. Barney, back me up. Barney. Dude, this is important. Barney: I need another drink. Ted: Marshall, you want anything? Marshall: No, I'm fine. Ted: Okay, I get that he's mad at me for turning down the job, but acting like I'm not even here? Marshall: Wait, you turned down the job? When? Ted: This morning. Marshall: That's so weird. Just, like, an hour ago, when we were leaving work... [FLASHBACK] (Barney's office) Marshall: So, you still think Ted's gonna take the job? Barney: Please. I'll get the yes. Barney Stinson always gets the yes. [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted: Am I wrong or is that exactly what Barney says when he's putting the moves on a girl? Marshall: Exactly. I mean, it's almost like he's putting the moves on you. Ted: Yeah, more like the opposite. He's been ignoring me all night. Barney wants me to take the job so bad he's putting the moves on me? Marshall: I hope that's his end game. Actually, I don't. I like you two together. Ted: I don't buy it. That's crazy, even for Barney. Marshall: Okay, well, think about it. We've seen his moves countless times. What does he do after he's done ignoring a girl? [FLASHBACK] Barney: Chrissy, I love your glasses. Chrissy: Really? Barney: They totally pull focus up from that whole chin situation you got going on. To Chrissy. [END OF FLASHBACK] Marshall: The backhanded compliment to lower her self-esteem... a proven winner. Ted: But Barney hasn't done... Barney: Ted, I admire your loyalty. You've had that hairstyle forever. You don't care that it's out of fashion or that it's been co-opted by the lesbian community. You stick with it. To Ted. Robin's appartment - Lily comes in Robin: Hey, Lily! Lily: Don't "Hey, Lily" me. I smelled poop all the way from the hallway. Robin: Oh, no, not this again. Lily: Where's the poop, Robin? Robin: Okay, I left Don another message. [FLASHBACK] Robin: "This just in" is what I'm gonna say when I'm stabbing you. (END OF FLASHBACK] Lily: But that's impossible. You deleted his number. Robin: I tried to. But then this thing popped up on my phone that said, "Are you sure?" And I wasn't sure. I can't lie to my phone. Lily:Oh, sweetie, I totally understand. Delete it! Robin: It's not that easy, okay? You're not just deleting a number, you're deleting a part of your life. You know, all those memories, all those experiences. It's like you're admitting they're gone forever. Lily: I know, sweetie. I know. Delete it! Robin: Okay, if it's that easy, I'm gonna delete one of your numbers from your phone, see how you like it. Lily: My "plezh." If you can find a number in there that I don't call regularly, I'll gladly delete it. Robin: Super Kicks Karate. Lily: No, not that one. That's my dojo. Robin: You have a dojo? Lily: I took an introductory karate class. [FLASHBACK] Lily: Ops, wrong room. Where do the grown-ups go for the real karate class? Boy: What's the matter, lady? You scared? Lily: Of you? Please. I'm a kindergarten teacher. Boy: I hated kindergarten. All three times. [END OF FLASHBACK] Lily: But I'm totally gonna sign up for more lessons. Robin: How long ago did you take that class? Lily: I don't know. It was around the time when everyone was going, "Wassuuuuuuup!" Robin: How do you even remember that? Lily, this is a number that you will never dial again. Lily: I might. Robin: No, no. But you keep it in your phone because it reminds you of a version of yourself that you could be, even if it's a version of yourself that you'll never become. And that's okay. Lily: No, it's not. Okay, you know what? There, gone. Your move, Scherbatsky. [SCENE_BREAK] (Ted and Marshall enters the appartment) Ted: I finally know what your kind goes through. I get it now. Robin: For the last time, I don't care how big it was, it is not the same as giving birth. Marshall: No! Barney's been "putting the moves" on Ted. Lily: Oh, that sucks. Although I like you two together. Marshall: No, he's been doing it to try to get Ted to design the new GNB Tower. Robin: Which moves are we talking about? Did he do the thing where he brags on himself in the form of a complaint? [FLASHBACKS] Barney: Man, every time I take out my business card and women see the GNB logo, they throw themselves at me. I miss the chase. It sucks! (...) Man, the courtside Knicks seats that are available to all upper level GNB employees are too close to the action. I keep getting sweat on my suit. It sucks! (...) Man, GNB's benefits package is so comprehensive it gives me the freedom to see any doctor I want. It sucks! [END OF FLASHBACKS] Ted: He did. Robin: And the intense eye contact thing? [FLASHBACK] Barney: So, Ted, would you like to split some jalapeno poppers? [END OF FLASHBACK] Ted: Okay. Yep. Robin: And the thing where he establishs intimacy through physical contact? [FLASHBACK] Ted: You know why jalapeno poppers are so good? It's the cream cheese. Barney: That is so true. Ted: Yeah... Cream cheese has a mild flav-flavor so it... it balances out the spiciness of the jal... the spiciness of the... Dude! [END OF FLASHBACK] Robin: So at any point in this did you say, "Barney, I know what you're doing, and it's not going to work. I am not taking that job"? Ted: Well, I mean, not exactly in those... Lily: You're loving this. Ted: No. Lily: You are. You're loving the attention. Ted: It's nice to be wanted, okay? And, yes, this is a new vest. Thank you all for noticing. Oh, that's right, you didn't. Barney did! Robin: Oh, Teddy, you are so going to spread your legs and design that building. Ted: I am not that kind of architect. So get this... (Ted goes into his room) Lily: Robin never deleted Don's number. Robin: Oh, everyone thinks it's so easy. Give me your phone. Let's delete one of yours. Marshall: Okay. No problem. If you can find a number that I don't need or shouldn't have in here, be my guest, but good luck. I keep my phone tight. Robin: Edwin. Marshall: Oh, no, not that one. That's the booker for the club that my band plays at. You know, my all-lawyer funk band... you remember... The Funk, the Whole Funk and Nothing but the Funk. [FLASHBACK] (Ted, Lily and Robin are listening to Marshall's band playing) *Your witness lied so your case is sunk, hah! I sentence you to a life of funk Counselors, how do you plead? Funky. * [END OF FLASHBACK] Robin: You guys played one gig four years ago. I'm deleting it. Marshall: No, no, we're gonna... we're gonna play another gig again. Probably really soon. It's just we all got super busy, and... We're not going to play another gig again, are we? Lily: Probably not, baby. Robin: See, it's hard to hit that delete button, isn't it? Marshall: Well, it's just that without that number in my phone, I'm just a corporate lawyer working 60 very un-funky hours a week. Robin: Sorry, Marshall. But if I have to, you have to. Lily: Okay. Your turn. Barney's office - Ted comes in Ted: Barney, I gotta tell you something. Barney: Oh, that reminds me. I got you a little airplane. It represents the spirit of adventure. Do you like it, Ted? Do you? Ted: Stop it. Stop looking at me like I'm the only person in the world who matters. I'm not designing the GNB Tower. Barney: Yeah, I know. You turned it down. We hired someone else. The bar Ted: Can you believe it? He's resorting to the oldest move in the book. The classic, "pretend to take the offer off the table so I'll want it more." It's so obvious, right? As if that's going to make me be like, "Oh, God, I never should have said no." Marshall: It's not a move, dude. I executed the paperwork for the new architect this morning. Barney wasn't lying. Ted: Oh, God, I never should have said no! Come on, GNB didn't really hire a new architect. This is just one of Barney's moves. Marshall: It's not a move, dude. The senior partners were getting impatient. I thought you didn't even want the job. Ted: I didn't! I don't! I don't. I don't! Barney's office - Ted comes in Ted: Okay, I'll do it! Barney: What? Ted, it's too late. Ted: I'll design it for half of what you're paying the other architect. And you know I will do stuff they would never do. Lobby stuff. Barney: Wow, half? Ted, on behalf of Goliath National Bank... Marshall: Okay, it's a move. Ted: What? Barney: Dude! Marshall: There is no other architect. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I lied. I was being Barney's wingman, and I never get to be the wingman. Ted: You guys lied to me? Barney: You're the world's worst wingman. You know what? I'm out of here. Marshall: I can do better. Take me back. You son of a bitch! Ted: Look, I can't do business with people who lie to me. Barney: We only lied to you to make you realize that you want this job. Ted: No, I don't. I mean, I know I said I did, but that's only because I fell for the same creepy, pickup artist voodoo of yours that countless women... Barney: 236. Ted:...before me fell for. Wow, respect. Marshall: No... Ted... you want to do this, okay? You're just scared of getting hurt again. But you can't let fear steal your funk. That is good. There is a song in there. Excuse me. Barney: Come on, Ted! This is your dream. Ted: No, it's not. Not anymore. And you know what? Letting go of that dream was the best decision I ever made. You guys actually think I have some lingering itch to be an architect? Work 20 hours a day and weekends? To get ulcers and pull my hair out and worry and doubt myself and then at the end of it all, have the rug pulled out from under me? I love being a professor, okay? All that stupid crap they tell you about how fulfilling teaching is? It's all true. I'm happy, and I'm not letting go of that. My answer's no. The bar - Robin comes in Robin: Hey, guys. Lily: Where's the poop, Robin? Robin: How do you do that? You are like a bomb-sniffing dog, except with poop. You are a poop-sniffing dog. Marshall: I think that's just called a dog. Lily: Where's the poop, Robin? Robin: Fine. I called Don again. [FLASHBACK] Robin: Hey, Don! It's Robin again. Look, I am sorry for all the calls. It's just, I saw you on the news, and it made me a little crazy for a minute. I guess I wasn't as over our breakup as I thought. But I want to say, from the bottom of my heart, I am going to kill you. No... No, I'm not. I am happy for you. And that Asian slut on your Facebook page. She's dead, too. [END OF FLASHBACK] Lily: I thought you deleted his number. Robin: I did, but it turns out, I memorized it. You can't delete contacts from your brain, Lily. Lily: Well, you have to try. If you ever want to have closure... Robin: I am never going to have closure. Okay? Closure doesn't exist. Okay, one day, Don and I are moving in together, and the next thing I know, he's on a plane to Chicago. It just... ended. And no matter how much I try to forget that it happened, it will have never not happened. Don and I will always be a loose end. We'll always be... Ted's class Ted: Unfinished. Gaudi, to his credit, never gave up on his dream, but that's not usually how it goes. I mean, usually, it isn't a speeding bus that keeps the brown, pointy, weird church from getting built. Most of the time, it's just too difficult or too expensive, or too scary. It's only once you've stopped that you realize how hard it is to start again. So you force yourself not to want it. But it's always there. And until you finish it, it will always be... Barney's office Ted: Hey, Barney. Hey, Rachel. Rachel, why aren't you in class? Rachel: Why aren't you in class? Barney: Yeah, Ted. Why aren't you in class? You son of a bitch. I'll call Marshall. We'll draw up the contract. Ted: Not so fast. I'm not that easy. Ted from 2030: And so I made Barney break his golden rule. I made him take me out to dinner before I finally gave him the thing he always got. Yes. And even though it didn't happen right away... Robin's appartment TV Speaker: And now, the 11:00 News with Don Frank. (Robin makes a phone call) Voice: Bueno? Robin: Who is this? Voice: No hablo ingles. Quien es? Robin: I'm sorry. Is this 917-456... I'm sorry, 465... No, wait. Ted from 2030: Robin finally got some closure, too. Robin: Sorry. Wrong number. Finished with that. Lily arrives at the dojo Lily: Hey, punk! Bit of advice. Next time you step on a kindergarten teacher's neck, you better finish the job. Man: I knew this day would come.

Goliath National Bank revives its headquarters project but Ted wants no part of it after what happened to him the last time . Barney tries to convince him of giving it a second chance by using all of his best womanizing tactics. Robin's post-breakup depression leads her to drunk-dial Don.

fd_The_O.C._02x04

fd_The_O.C._02x04_0

Opening scene - We open on incredible aerial shots of the coast. then we stop outside the pool house to see Ryan and Seth walking out Seth: so you're saying you won't help me Ryan: I got a physics quiz, i'm kinda busy Seth: Ryan! Ryan: what? Seth: please man this is a crisis ok Zach an Summer, there full on dating now an that means I need a new girlfriend pronto Ryan: so your gonna start dating someone jus to show up Summer (they are now inside the Cohen kitchen) Seth: those are not the reasons (Ryan looks at him) I can't think of em right now, listen, hold on a second let's break bread, let's discuss broads (throws a bagel to Ryan) Ryan: (catches bagel) ooooh my graphing calculator, I left it in your room Seth: you know what else is in my room (walking out of the kitchen) Ryan: what, what is in your room (throws the bagel up and catches it) Seth: my year book (Ryan frowns) full of new ideas for fresh faced loved ones what'do you say we whittle down the list to like twenty finalists by homeroom Ryan: that's a bad idea (?) Seth: and you can keep my left overs Ryan: no, no thanks i'm not datin this year, that's the game plan(?) (goes up stairs) Seth: yes you are Ryan: (off screen) nope! Seth: you absolutely are, i'm not entering this new era alone (follows) (in the background Kirsten and Sandy are walking down the hall) Sandy: it is a new era, gettin the axe is the best thing that coulda happened to me, now the only person I answer to (points to himself) is me (they are now entering the kitchen) Kirsten: and my father (Sandy groans) all i'm saying is that he's your only client, isn't he Sandy: yeah, an you work for his wife (shakes his head) what was your father thinkin Kirsten: you can ask him, you'll be hangin with him all day Sandy: if I can win this case get my practice off the ground Kirsten: you can...spend your entire career defending (smirks) my father's rich clients Sandy: your not bringin me down honey, nope you heard Seth...it's a new era (Ryan and Seth come back into the kitchen, Ryan with his calculator and Seth holding his yearbook) Seth: sure is father an guess what, I jus think I found a new girlfriend Kirsten: here in the kitchen Ryan: ah no, in the new era Seth shops for girlfriends in the year book Seth: (reading) Tina Woo member of the acapella group, co president of the improv team shenanigans (nods) she's musical she's witty hopefully she's free for lunch Ryan: dude shenanigans Seth: (smiles) I know Kirsten: a-are you sure your ready to start dating sweetie, I mean after everything you've ben through with Summer Sandy: o- better he should mope (to Seth) don't listen to them, if it was up to your mother id still be workin at Partridge, Savage an Con, comin home bitchin about high price law suits Seth: (nods) totally, Ryan would you rather I go for the Woo or or keep talkin about Summer (Ryan and Kirsten look at each other, Ryan smiles) Kirsten: (smiles) here's to the new era (they all clink coffee cups) Sandy: ah-men Theme Song - California by Phantom Planet Harbor school - Ryan and Seth are walking up the stairs outside, 'screening' girls that walk by them Ryan: alright so the Tina Woo thing didn't happen, jus move on Seth: y'know a simple no from the Woo would've ben sufficient...I think the added laughter...was just unnecessary (to Tiffany) hey Tiffany: hey Seth Ryan: (looks back) what about her Seth: Tiffany Rosenberg? no we have a history (Ryan looks at him) third grade a class field trip to sea world I tried to sort of talk to the dolphins she over heard there was taunting, it was really bad, the bus ride home was a little boring Ryan: ah-huh, how bout I point out a girl you tell me whether or not you'd date her Seth: how bout I tell you whether or not she would date me Ryan: yeah exactly Seth: ok Ryan: (looking) uhhhh got her, right there (points to 2 girls) Seth: (looks) uhhhh yeah, an no Ryan: no? (nudges Seth in the elbow) Seth: uhhhh no, yeah Ryan: yeah? (Seth shrugs) (Lindsay walks up) Lindsay: are you shopping for girlfriends in the quad same time: Seth: yeah Ryan: no Lindsay: (laughs) classy an (shakes her head) not remotely demeaning Ryan: uh (points) Lindsay Seth, Seth Lindsay Seth: oooh hey Lindsay: so how does this work, is there a ranking system or is each girl judged on her individual merits, an by merits I mean her rack and or ass Ryan: it's a simple yes no survey Seth: yes, no, survey Lindsay: I see, well in that case (looks at Seth) no (looks at Ryan) and no (Ryan nods) ill see you in class (walks away) (Ryan smiles and waves) Seth: I can't believe I finally met her Ryan: Lindsay Seth: Lindsay Cohen, it's got a nice ring to it don't you think, will you hook that up for me Ryan: n-no Seth: why not, unless hey I mean d-do you like her? Ryan: oh n-n-n-n-n-no no its jus she's-she's argumentative, bossy, difficult Seth: yeah that's my type (nods) Ryan: yeah believe me, you should just hold out for somethin else Seth: no absolutely not I need that one, an I need you to make that happen for me ok, can you make it happen, can you hook me up, help a brother out Ryan: (closes his eyes) (reluctantly) I can hook it up Seth: that's what I like to hear, thankyou (makes fists at Ryan then walks off) CUT TO: Marissa and Summer walking together Marissa: this is a new era Summer, for the first time in my life I have like no boy drama Summer: wait that is not possible, you are a magnet for boy drama Marissa: i'm serious, Ryan an I just friends Summer: hmm an DJ? (Marissa looks at her) (gasps) what with the deltoids an the trapazoids(?) Marissa: he...wants...nothing ta do with me Summer: well did you apologise Marissa: (shrugs) I have no idea where he is, after he quit working for my parents he went totally MIA Summer: he can't be that hard ta find (thinks) doesn't he work for the Henderson's...see totally addicted to boy drama Marissa: like you don't have issues Summer: (smug) actually right now my love life is totally trauma free Marissa: so lunch went well with Zach an your dad Summer: amazing, none'a that manner Cohen chatter, or that incomprehensible Cohen mumbling, if Cohen is the virus Zach is the cure, he is the anti-Cohen Marissa: hmm (looks) (gasps) speak'a the devil (Zach walks up behind Summer) Summer: Cohen? Marissa: Zach Summer: right, great, better (turns around) hey Zach: hi (Summer hugs him) ooh (laughs) that's a firm hug Summer: (smiles) sorry ducky Zach: ...ducky? Summer: (to Marissa) we have nicknames (Marissa looks at Zach) Zach: we do? Summer: yesss Marissa: (smirks) ducky, that's-that's cute Summer: so anyways ducky, Marissa here is totally bumming out because she doesn't have anyone in her life as perfect as you Marissa: thanks, Sum (starts walking, Zach and Summer follow) Zach: well I know lots'a eligible bachelors, you want me to set you up Marissa: (laughs) oh no, that's ok, really, i'm fine CUT TO: Club (as its referred to in the ep guide) im assuming its like a country club - Caleb and Sandy are there together Caleb: y'know this is the start of a new era for us sandman, working together on the same side'a the law, over coming our differences, battling the odds Sandy: you're bringin a tear to my eye Cal, now let's talk about what we know at this point in the game Caleb: are you hungry, they do a delicious frittato here, you a frittato man Sandy: i'm fine now you 've ben funneling money every month to a trust, an the person who runs this trust happens to be an associate of the city councilman's office, the same city councilman that issues building permits to people who build lots of buildings (sits at the table, Caleb sits) people like you Caleb: I do build lots of buildings, i've done very well for myself, started off with nothing an still I strive for more never satisfied...what do they call that Sandy: greed, as you can see, on the face of it (shakes his head) this looks like bribery Caleb: what about a round of drunks huh, what'do you say huh Manhattans Sandy: its ten a.m, now focus, why did ya set up the trust Caleb: charity, tax benefits Sandy: right what about the woman who runs the trust... Renee Wheeler Caleb: I don't know her, your very grumpy today, I think its cause your hungry, frittato coming right up Sandy: the DA wants you to spend your twilight years in a five by nine cell, an all you can think about are frittatas Caleb: no one is going to jail, this thing won't even make it to court... (frowns) Phyllis Sandy: Phyllis? Caleb: yeah my-my old secretary she retired three years ago, she set up the trust Sandy: you couldnt'a told me this on the phone Caleb: then I wouldnt'a gotten to see you (Sandy looks at him in disbelief) lets get you that frittata, scuse me CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan and Lindsay are in class together. they are sitting at separate tables. Ryan turns and looks at Lindsay who is busy studying. Ryan turns back then gets up and walks over to her table and stands there Lindsay: you're lurking Ryan: right sorry um (crouches) look uh for all I know you have a boyfriend (Lindsay looks up from the book) (sighs) so there's no point in me even asking- Lindsay: I don't...um (Ryan looks at her) I don't have a boyfriend Ryan: (a little too happy) oh you don't Lindsay: yeah don't rub it in! Ryan: right well I was wondering if you...would maybe wanna (Lindsay raises her eyebrows) m-maybe an-an feel free to say no... go out on a date Lindsay: (raises her eyebrows) ok, sure Ryan: (suprised) yeah (smiles) uh great so you'll go out with Seth Lindsay: (thrown) w-what Ryan: you uh you'll go on a date with Seth Lindsay: yes uh Seth you...want me to go out with Seth...and I said yes sooo yes (nods) Ryan: great, great (softly) great, you sure? Lindsay: I am positive, ah tomorrow night (laughs) the sooner the better right Ryan: (laughs) right (they both stop smiling) Lindsay: uh thanks (Ryan looks down then walks away, Lindsay looks back at her book then looks up at Ryan who goes back to his seat and sits down. Ryan looks back over at Lindsay quickly) CUT TO: Kirsten's office - Kirsten is at her desk working and Julie walks in with a plant Julie: (cheery) look who has a new ficus Kirsten: uhhh I-I have a ton'a work to do if-if you could Julie: I figure now that i'm in charge I could introduce a little more life into this place (puts ficus down) y'know a ficus here an orchard there next thing you know we are- Kirsten: a rain forest, thanks for the plant but right now this company is one failed deal away from total ruin, which means I have'to ficus (correcting herself) u- focus Julie: ficus focus oh honey you are all over the place but no need to worry the boss is here, let me lighten your load (walks over to Kirsten) what're you reading Kirsten: (looks at Julie) ...budget projections for next year its-its very dense Julie: which you think I am, dense Kirsten: no I-Julie n-no...look the key to good leadership is delegation so why don't you delegate this kinda stuff to me so that your free ta- Julie: continue being stupid Kirsten: Julie...all i'm saying is that we have an extremely important presentation tomorrow Julie: yes, clearly I have alot of reading up to do so I can be ready for the presentation (picks up ficus) y'know running this company is about more then just plant life Kirsten, even you should know that (Julie leaves and Kirsten stares after her in disbelief) CUT TO: Henderson's garden - DJ is working and Marissa pulls up in her car. Marissa watches him for a few seconds then goes over to him Marissa: hey (DJ looks at her, then away) I saw your truck an I thought id stop by an say hi, how are you DJ: (indifferent) busy Marissa: right...well you can't be busy all weekend long, the Killers are playing tomorrow night an there really good DJ: so what, are we friends now Marissa: judging by this conversation (shrugs) probably not (DJ looks at her) but id really like to try...an be something DJ: and how does your boyfriend feel about that Marissa: he's not my boyfriend DJ: I guess that explains what you're doing here talking to me Marissa: ...when you an I (DJ looks at her) I didn't know Ryan was coming back DJ: (scoffs) i'm glad I could help you kill time until he did Marissa: you know that's not what it was (DJ looks away, Marissa turns to walk away then stops) Marissa: Bait shop tomorrow night, ill be there if you decide to stop by (Marissa walks away, DJ watches her for a few seconds then looks away) CUT TO: The Bait shop - Seth is pushing some sort of case across the floor, you can tell it's heavy. Ryan walks in on the top floor Ryan: hi Seth: hey, I think all this manual labors affecting my vibe, seem tougher to you(?) Ryan: (thinks) you don't want me to answer that (walks down the stairs) (Seth finishes pushing the case and his shoes slip and he sort of falls flat then gets up) Ryan: alright so guess what (points) you have a date tomorrow Seth: (suprised) I do, with who Ryan: Lindsay...the future Mrs. Seth Cohen Seth: nooo (shakes his head) man I said I wanted to marry her not date her ok (frowns) I didn't really think she would say yes this changes everything Ryan: well i'm not gettin you out of it Seth: well i'm not going...unless (points) you go with me, I will do that Ryan: what you want me to go with you on your date as what your chaperone Seth: no we'll double, ill set ya up Ryan: with all the single women you know (Seth makes a 'very funny' face at Ryan) Alex: Seth (comes in) there's a clogged toilet in the men's room that's got your name on it Seth: sweet Alex: (to Ryan) hey Ryan: hi (Alex walks away and Ryan looks at her, then turns back. Seth is looking in Alex's direction so Ryan looks again then looks back at Seth) Ryan: no Seth: yes! (makes a fist) Ryan: no Seth: yes! (makes a fist) Ryan: (softly) no way (frowns) there's no way she'd even go out with me anyway Seth: are you kidding me, her with the tattoo you with the wristband that's like the ultimate wrong side of the tracks love story, seriously you are the Sid to her Nancy, Kurt to her Courtney Fifty cent to her...Mrs. cent Ryan: no, i'm done dating I told you that Seth: Ryan kids our age don't even date any more they hang out in groups an then they peel off to hook up Ryan: you've never done that Seth: no I know but I read about it in (?) times magazine, my guess is that Alex loves the group hang CUT TO: Alex's office - Seth is in there with her talking about the double date Alex: group - hang, that's the lamest thing i've ever heard Seth: but...later we peel off an... Alex: an do what, go to chucky cheese, mini golf I swear mentally you are seven years old Seth: that was last year, this year i'm eight an three quarters Alex: anyways this is my night off why would I wanna spend it here...with you Seth: ill tell ya exactly why, look at me (Alex looks at him) i'm a youth in need ok (over dramatic) somebody stomped on my sandcastle and my ball rolled out into the middle'a the street an my kite is caught in a tree an I cant- Alex: I get it! Seth: an you know what else, my friend Ryan he's really cool ok he's very anti-establishment he enjoys uh sunset walks on the beach, punching people and not smiling Alex: an that's how you see me? Seth: yeah only with less smiling Alex: you're out of your mind Seth: well maybe I am Alex, maybe i'm like sooo far out of my mind that I'm in yours an I think I know what your thinkin right now, your thinking I cant wait to go, that's what your thinking maybe is it huh (tries to tickle Alex) is that what your thinking Alex: (gives in) ok ok ill go just to get you out Seth: stop freakin out its ok Alex: of my office (pushes Seth towards the door) Seth: I will hook you up its fine, look at your smiling I like, it's gonna be really fun Alex: (smiles) get out, get out Seth: alright (walks out then turns around) hey (points) tomorrow night at eight (Alex slams the door) Seth: (yells) it's gonna be awesome CUT TO: Newport group - Kirsten and a bunch of business people are in the board room having a meeting. Kirsten is sitting at the head of the table Kirsten: so while I can appreciate your apprehension, let me assure you that the dip in company earnings is only a temporary one (Julie comes in) Julie: good morning (Kirsten looks at her) so sorry i'm late (shakes everyone's hand) i'm glad you didn't wait for me, Julie Cooper Nichol CEO of the Newport group, hello Kirsten: Julie, I was just going over our investment pitch for Mr. Herbert's new mall development...feel free to jump in if you think i've missed anything Julie: don't be so modest Kirsten, ill jump in now. are there any questions I could answer Kirsten: Julie this isn't the Q an A portion- Mr. Herbert: well I do have a couple'a questions Mrs. Cooper Nichol (Julie smiles, Kirsten looks at Julie) our primary concern is how will Caleb Nichol's potential indightment affect the roll out of our development Julie: it won't, because we won't let it will we Mr. Herbert Kirsten: w-what I think Julie meant Mr. Herbert is that the success of the Newport group is not contingent on the ideas an opinions of any one person Julie: I think Mr. Herbert an I can take it from here Kiki (Kirsten looks at her) will you get me a copy of this document (slides it over to Kirsten) I need it on my desk toot suite(?) Kirsten: Julie, that's the lunch menu (Julie makes a 'shoo' motion to Kirsten) thankyou all for your time, scuse me (leaves) Julie: (sits where Kirsten was) so what's your next question Mr. Herbert: how do you explain the company's failure to hedge its portfolio against the rise of long term interest rates Julie: (blinks)...yes... CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan and Seth are walking down the stairs, outside Ryan: so Alex said yes to the date huh Seth: uh it's not a date ok it's a group hang with an eye towards peelin off with Ryan: Summer Seth: I don't know if id be cool with that quite yet Ryan: on your left Seth: (realises) oh, oh oh (we see Summer coming up behind them) Ryan: (whispers) don't mention the date Seth: right no sure take the high road uh-hm Summer: Cohen (touches Seth on the chest) Seth: Summer Summer: hey Ryan Ryan: hey Seth: (tries to keep quiet but cant) (yells) I have a date! Summer: (turns back) wow hey I hope you an Captain Oats have fun Seth: (scoffs) actually its with a girl (Summer laughs) (Marissa walks up behind Summer) Marissa: hey guys Ryan: (smiles) hey Summer: Coop, you just missed a mile stone here Cohen has a date with a real live human girl Marissa: oh well uh that's...great, I guess (looks at Summer) when Seth: uh tonight so you know don't wait up Summer: oh don't worry Zach (raises her eyebrows) an I 'll sleep just fine, thanks (walks off) Seth: (yells) good! cause ill sleep just fine tonight too...with (thinks) I would love to remember her name right there Ryan: high road huh Seth: (sighs) not my proudest moment (walks off) Marissa: so if Seth is abandoning you for his big date tonight then what're you gonna do Ryan: uh... Marissa: cause if you wanted to...do something Ryan: yeah well I um... Marissa: you have a date tonight too Ryan: no it's not a date it's more of a group (Marissa looks down)...hang um how're things with you an DJ Marissa: there...not um but I should probably get to you know, but have fun tonight on your date or hang (Marissa walks off and Ryan watches her leave) CUT TO: Jimmy's yacht - Jimmy is there and Julie comes on board Julie: hey Jimmy: hey, what're you doin here Julie: guess who brought you a lobster roll from the Crab Shack (holds it out) Jimmy: (takes it) my heroooo (Julie laughs) whoa my favourite sandwich, suprise pop in (holds his hands out as if to say 'what') Julie: yes its work Jimmy: (joking) don't tell me, you screwed up, power went straight to your head, you rocked the boat too hard Julie: (not impressed) you can stop (Jimmy takes a bite of his lunch) I have found it challenging, truth is being CEO...is a bitch Jimmy: hmm you think you'd be a natural Julie: I tried to google myself today an crashed the entire computer network then our most important investor ran out on his meeting with me an I don't blame him Jimmy: wow, I never heard you admit to having faults before this is-this is fun Julie: I was hoping you'd give me a confidence boost I suppose I don't have that coming Jimmy: sure you do, listen, you may not have Kirsten's experience or well let's face it any experience Julie: get to the boost Jimmy: but you are savvy ok an that goes a looong way in this business, hell if I had your instincts I-I never would'a lost a dime Julie: so you think this is fixable Jimmy: if there's one thing that your good at, its getting money from rich - old - men you just, you've gotta do it the Julie Cooper way (Julie frowns) you know I don't mean sleep with him right Julie: (laughs) you know what (smiles) I think you've just given me the confidence to execute plan B Jimmy: an you have given me a delightful - snack, I love this new era, we should've gotten divorced years ago Julie: (smiles) thankyou Jimmy CUT TO: the Bait shop - its now night, Ryan and Seth walk in and stand on the top floor looking down on everyone. Seth sees Lindsay below Seth: (looking down) oh hey there she is (points) (Lindsay is standing with her arms folded looking for Seth) awesome, hey why don't you go talk to her for like an hour or five an just key me up(?) Ryan: (looks at Seth) she's your date Seth: yeah, details, i'm gonna go find Alex (Seth walks off, Ryan watches him then the next shot we see is Ryan down stairs walking up to Lindsay) Ryan: (touches Lindsay's shoulder) hey Lindsay: what're you doing here...chaperoning? Ryan: I uh have a date...too Lindsay: so we're what (shrugs) doubling, is this one of those group hangs i've read about Ryan: uh, i'm not sure what this is (Ryan looks at Lindsay, Lindsay looks at Ryan for a second then looks down, Ryan looks to the side. neither look comfortable - Seth is on the top floor with Alex) Seth: look right there (points to Ryan) that's a very good looking human being Alex: he is cute Seth: I told you, but here's the thing though is he cuter then me cause I mean should I not have him sit at the same table as my date Alex: uh you're cute too (they are now walking down the stairs) Seth: really? but cuter then Ryan I mean I jus don't want him overwhelming me Alex: mm I don't think that's possible Seth: ah (enjoying it) you think i'm cute Alex: when you're not...talking (they walk over to Ryan and Lindsay) Seth: hey, (points) uh Ryan Alex, Alex Ryan (Ryan and Alex shake hands) Ryan: (points) uh Lindsay Seth, Seth Lindsay (Seth and Lindsay shake hands) Lindsay: how could I forget (they all stand there clearly uncomfortable, I also get the feeling that Lindsay and Alex don't like each other) Seth: (nods) well this should be great (nods) really great an not at all awkward (they all stand there silent. Ryan and Seth are opposite each other, and Lindsay and Alex are opposite each other) CUT TO: Cohen family room - well kind of. it's like half family room/half living room. currently there is just one chair which Sandy is sitting on, and a poof. Sandy is watching TV and eating some type of chips Sandy: yes your honor, yes (Kirsten walks passed) Kirsten: Sandy what're you doing Sandy: (points) i've got judge Hatchet on the Tivo, have you ever seen her, she does not take crap from anybody Kirsten: what's goin on Sandy: what'do you mean Kirsten: well your in your pyjamas, you have orange cheeto dust all over you (laughs) what has happened (sits next to Sandy) to my husband (dusts Sandy's shirt of the cheeto dust) Sandy: your father's case is as good as lost, he's ben givin me the complete run around, today he sent me to go meet with his former assistant Phyllis Kirsten: (frowns) Phyllis died last year Sandy: exactly, literally dead ends, that's the best lead he's given me yet Kirsten: Julie seems to be on the same seek an destroy mission as my dad, as long as she's running the company...I might as well- Sandy: give up Kirsten: mm Sandy: why don't we give up, oh give up with me honey y'know we could let the gruesome twosome destroy our careers or we could sit here an enjoy obscene amounts'a Dr Phil an destroy them ourselves Kirsten: Sandy Sandy: hmm Kirsten: if my dad is acting all weird, he's hiding something Sandy: (nods) I know Kirsten: which means it's your job to figure out what that is (door bell, Kirsten gets up to answer it, Sandy follows. Kirsten opens the door and Julie is standing there dressed up and once again cheery) Julie: now I know i'm not your favourite person right now but I have a way to make it up to you Sandy: this cant be good... Julie: let's have a party! Kirsten: uh sure Julie can we talk about this tomorrow Julie: sure we can (walks in) unfortunately the caterers are here right now (yells) come on in guys, this way Kirsten: (shocked) what's going on (caterers walk in with food, one after the other) Julie: well y'know here's the thing I knew that if I asked you in advance that you'd probably say no so I went ahead an I called Mr. Herbert an several other clients an invited them to a party Kirsten: at our house! Sandy: tonight? Julie: ah-huh yeah Caleb thought it was a great idea...he went to the club to meet someone for work (looks at Sandy in his PJ's) Sandy: (shakes the cheeto dust off) meet who Julie: who knows, well so much to do so little time hm (walks off) CUT TO: The Bait Shop - we see the Killers performing for a little bit then we go to Seth and Lindsay standing together Seth: so the Killers, awesome huh Lindsay: (bored) stellar observation and one you've made like eight times now Seth: alright (the camera pans to show Alex is standing next to Lindsay and Ryan is next to Alex) Alex: d-do you like live music Ryan: (bored) not really, an you? Alex: (looks at Ryan) it's...my passion (Seth leans forward to look at Ryan, Ryan leans forward to look at Seth and they both signal to walk away from the girls so they can talk) Seth: dude i'm dying here Ryan: yeah well my guess is, this secret conference isn't exactly helping Seth: well the good news is we already hit rock bottom (Ryan nods) although i've redefined rock bottom several times tonight Ryan: (looks up) I think we just hit a new low (Seth looks up to where Ryan is looking and we see that Summer and Marissa are standing together on the top floor, Zach walks up and stands next to Summer. we see Ryan smile and Seth with a shocked look on his face) [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO: the Bait Shop still - we see another song from the Killers then the next shot is Summer, Marissa and Zach now walking down stairs through the crowd Summer: Coop there is no way I was gonna let you stay home tonight Marissa: yeah I know I just wish I didn't have'to third wheel on your date Summer: what, ducky an I don't mind do we ducky Zach: yeah how much longer is this ducky thing gonna go on for Summer: oooh do you want a new nickname (Zach smiles) how about...Cohen (Summer stops and we see that she has seen Seth and Lindsay standing together. Lindsay looks bored or annoyed, i cant tell which. maybe both,lol) Zach: I think it's a little too soon to joke about that don't you think (Summer turns Zach's head towards Seth and Lindsay) Seth: (shocked) Summer!, oh my god hey (pulls Lindsay close to him) how are you (Lindsay doesnt look impressed) Summer: hey Cohen (cuddles up to Zach) Marissa: (smiles) Ryan Ryan: Marissa uh this is Lindsay (Seth touches Lindsay on the head and smiles) this is Alex (Alex nods to Marissa, Marissa looks at Alex, Alex nods then looks down. everyone is uncomfortable) Seth: this is Lindsay Summer: yeah ok well this um this is juuuuus- Seth: this is awesome Summer: it's awesome! (Seth nods, Summer cuddles up closer to Zach. Ryan and Alex stand there) Marissa: you know what maybe we should... Zach: go watch the band Seth: alright Ryan: yeah Marissa: see ya (they walk away) Seth: see ya (waves) (let's go of Lindsay) Lindsay: so i'm guessing we just met some ex-girlfriends Seth: (laughs) huh well Ryan an Marissa that's an epic tale right there, but Summer an I are equally as fascinating, she was my shorty last year but then she got served(Alex nudges Seth as if to say 'shut up') not that that's...particularly interesting... CUT TO: Cohen back yard - Julie's party is happening and Julie is talking with a group of businessmen, we then see Kirsten walk over to Jimmy who is standing at the bar Kirsten: Jimmy, thank god your here Jimmy: Julie invited me, she knows I...can't turn down free booze (takes drink from bar tender) Kirsten: either can she (looks over) look at her (Jimmy smiles) the giggling an touching... (we see Julie with her hand on a mans shoulder, the man is smiling as is Julie. Julie begins laughing then runs her hand from his shoulder, down past his butt, and pats twice) Kirsten: oh god she just grazed an ass (drinks) Jimmy: oh the not so subtle ass graze, yeah i've ben a victim of it myself (Kirsten looks at him) don't worry about it, she's shmoozing the crowd at a cock tail party Kirsten: (worried) this is our star clientele, dy'know how many years of wooing an cajoling it took to have a meeting with these people Jimmy: this is the woman who came from Riverside to become head Newpsie then landed Newport's biggest tycoon an took over his company, she knows what she's doin (Kirsten smiles and looks back over at Julie, Julie is still laughing and flirting with the men) CUT TO: The Bait shop - we see Summer and Zach sitting together, Summer is looking over at Seth and Lindsay. Summer doesn't look like she's enjoying herself. Seth says something to Lindsay which I think was 'judging, judging, judging Summer: ten bucks says Cohen is bending that poor girls ear about (Marissa looks at her, then drinks her drink) Superman or Batman or something man in a unitard (Zach looks at her, unimpressed) that she doesn't give a crap about, y'know what, I should stop him (Marissa looks at her) for her sake Marissa: (unconvinced) ah-huh, well that sounds like its coming from a really...generous place (Summer gives Marissa a 'what would you know' look) Zach: or we could just put the Cohen obsession on hold and watch the band Summer: (offended) I am not obsessing Zach: the seething, the staring, the analysing of his outfit, that's not obsessing? Summer: what? that shirt totally accentuates his bird arms Marissa: I think this is the part where I go to the bathroom... (Marissa gets up and we then see her making her way through the crowd, she stops and looks over at Ryan and Alex who are standing together. neither looks like they are enjoying themselves, Marissa keeps walking then Ryan looks over towards Seth and Lindsay at the bar. Lindsay looks over towards Ryan, and Alex notices. Ryan gives Lindsay a little nod) Seth: but I will admit that our break up, to the outside observer could seem sad but I don't know for me I feel like its given me this great - gift you know this new era an this whole new situation like her Zach, you an I think It works (Lindsay looks beyond bored, Ryan is still watching them, Alex is watching Ryan watch Lindsay, Ryan looks towards Alex and Alex looks back at the concert) CUT TO: Outside the club - we see Caleb standing at a silver car talking to a red headed lady, a car then pulls up blocking our view of Caleb and the woman, and we see that Sandy is in the car, he looks over towards Caleb and we see him pulling something out of his inside jacket pocket. it's like a thick envelope. Caleb hands it to the woman and she puts it in her bag, she gets into her car and Caleb walks away. Sandy watches the woman drive away, and we see the number plate of her car is 1491 PCE (sound familiar? ) Sandy looks at his watch, we then go to Caleb drinking inside the club. Sandy walks in to join him Sandy: ah drinkin alone, that's never a good sign Caleb: what the hell are you doing here Sandy: well I tried to talk ta Phyllis earlier but (sits) I left my ouji board at home...no more games Cal...who was that woman I saw leave this place Caleb: ...you trailed me here?...spied on me! Sandy: no actually I got lucky, I showed up just as she was leaving Caleb: she was uh- she's a-...an old friend Sandy: (not buying it) come on, you built a fortune on lies you can do better then that (Caleb drinks) my guess, that was Renee Wheeler Caleb: I told you (looks at Sandy) I don't know her Sandy: alright well then that was somebody drivin Renee Wheelers car I called her license plate number into a friend'a mine at the police station Caleb: well played Magnum P.I (stands) stay away from her (begins to leave) Sandy: ill only ask you this once Cal (Caleb stops) are ya havin an affair Caleb: we're in much deeper water then that believe me, if I were you, id leave it alone Sandy: an what if I don't Caleb: well, we could lose everything, so before you go... (Sandy is listening) probing around inta my affairs...think long an hard...is it worth it to you (Sandy looks at Caleb, Caleb leaves and Sandy sits there thinking) CUT TO: The Bait shop - the concert is over and everyone is clapping. we see Ryan and Alex standing together on the top level, Ryan looks down to the bottom floor and Alex does the same, we see Seth and Lindsay sitting directly below them Seth: shes like four too, her over there (points) me over here, me over her over here so the four of us hanging out over each other but hanging out together (Lindsay gets up) (follows) I mean apart but-but in the same place although different places mentally I think Lindsay: (laughs) oh my god there is something wrong with you Seth: (shakes his head) no that's the best part, i'm totally fine not talking to her, I have nothing to say to her (Lindsay looks at him with a 'please' look) except the only thing that I would say if I said something to her an I don't care at all if I do is that i'm fine - not talking to her (nods) maybe I should tell her that Lindsay: (encouraging him) well you...better hurry (Lindsay turns him around) cause there leaving (we see Zach, Marissa and Summer starting to go up the stairs) Seth: ill be right back (we see Zach and Summer on the top level, Marissa comes up the stairs behind them and stops, we see what she sees which is DJ with his friends. he sees her, she smiles and walks over to him) Marissa: hey, you came DJ: (indifferent) my friends got tickets, they had an extra Marissa: right... (Marissa looks at DJ, DJ looks at her but it's not a warm or friendly look) Marissa: ...ill see you around (touches DJ's shoulder and walks away) (DJ watches her walk away - we then go to Alex and Ryan talking) Alex: maybe you should tell her Ryan: tell who what? Alex: Lindsay, that you like her (nods) (Ryan doesn't say anything, he looks down to where Lindsay is standing by herself) Alex: i'm not offended it's ok, it's a group hang and um, listen no offense here but...i'm not really feelin the spark Ryan: wow (smiles) an honest conversation with a girl, this is new for me (Alex looks at him as if to say 'well') i'm gone, thanks (Alex waves, and Ryan walks away) CUT TO: Outside the Bait shop - Summer and Zach are walking away from the building Summer: I was not talking about Cohen the entire night Zach: (fed up) it sure felt like it Summer: well- what you wanna go somewhere else Zach: maybe you should go home and log onto some kind of Cohen chat room, ok i've had enough (Summer has her mouth open in shock) (Seth comes up to them) Seth: Summer hey, what're you doin Zach: oh look (pointed) it's Seth Summer: (to Seth) we're going home! Seth: ok, can I talk to you for like one minute. Zach i'm really sorry Zach: ok i'm gonna go jump off the pier! (walks off) Summer: Zach wait! (follows Zach) Seth: (follows Summer) listen I jus wanna tell you I don't wanna talk ok i'm fine with this, you an him me an her, Zach sure is a fast walker Summer: (frustrated) look Cohen jus stop trailing us alright! Seth: i'm not tr- Summer: Zach will you wait please (Zach stops and turns around) Seth: I just I- Summer: just - beat it (to Zach) ducky! please! (Seth stands there with his mouth open, Summer goes over to Zach) Summer: (sad voice) please (takes Zach's hand) (Seth looks away, then looks back in disbelief) Zach: you promise to stop calling me ducky Summer: I can't make any promises (they walk off together holding hands. Seth watches then turns around) CUT TO: Inside the Bait shop - it is pretty much deserted now. Ryan is standing at the bar alone, Lindsay walks in, also alone Ryan: hi (Lindsay sees Ryan and walks away) whoa (follows) where're you goin, can I give you a lift or something Lindsay: (arms folded) I couldn't possibly ask any more of you, nor can I thank you enough for what was truly one'a the worst evenings of my life (they are now at the stairs) Ryan: I know Seth's not ready ta date yet it was-it was a bad idea Lindsay: yeah, it was a colossally bad idea, epically bad (nods) the invasion of Iraq is looking pretty good in comparison Ryan: ok (Lindsay starts going up the stairs) (follows) your right but let me talk to you for a second Lindsay: no Ryan, ya can't, i've listened to enough talk for one night ok, see you at school (Lindsay goes up the stairs, Ryan watches) CUT TO: Cohen backyard - Julie is standing with Mr. Herbert and Kirsten walks passed, Julie grabs her Julie: oo Kiki c'mere (grabs Kirsten's arm) you'll never believe this, Stevens daughter has a pony to she boards at the same stable as China (Steven smiles) Kirsten: (smiles) what a coincidence Julie: how cute is that little riding park, aww, an at Christmas when they string all the lights through the trees Steven: yes! my daughter an her Shetland spend...all there Saturdays there (laughs) Kirsten: (laughs) uh Steven, about the meeting I-I wanted to apologise- Julie: you know Kirsten is the one who renovated the stable an the park (Kirsten looks at her) then sold it back to the original owners at twice the cost, preservation an profit that's your motta right Kirsten (smiles) Kirsten: well that's every developers dream (smiles at Steven) Julie: funny mines Jude Law in a zebra skin rug (they all laugh) Kirsten: uh Steven your drinks looking a little empty, can I get you another Steven: only if you two join me Julie: oo be careful Steven, Kirsten here's got a bit of a hollow leg (Kirsten laughs) Steven: what're you drinkin Kirsten: uh champagne Julie: make it two Steven: done Kirsten: thankyou Julie: see, i'm not totally useless Kirsten: I never said- Julie: apology accepted, i'm gonna go get Mr. Herbert's contract outta my purse you make sure he gets another whiskey sour (Kirsten smiles and laughs) CUT TO: Outside the Bait shop - Ryan comes out, and goes over to Seth Seth: hey Ryan: hey Seth: how was your night Ryan: not good, you Seth: (breathes out) worse, you didn't like Alex Ryan: eh, you an Lindsay Seth: uhhh...(shakes his head) not even close, what're you gonna do now Ryan: actually I wassss gonna go an... Seth: (raises his eyebrows) oh, go for it Ryan: yeah? Seth: yes! Ryan: what're you gonna do Seth: (shrugs) I don't know I was gonna maybe (points towards the Bait shop) Ryan: good idea Seth: alright Ryan: alright, see ya (Seth heads towards the Bait shop and Ryan walks away from it) CUT TO: Alex's office - she is in there with one of the band members Alex: (counting money) great - show I hope you guys come back soon (hands over money) (Seth is standing in the doorway. The member walks out and Alex sits down) Seth: so (sighs) to re cap I got disco'd by two girls in one night and unfortunately that's jus (shakes his head) not the first time that's happened Alex: actually, i'm not suprised Seth: thankyou, keep twistin the knife i'm not in enough pain Alex: oh your the one who's hurting not Summer or Lindsay Seth: yeah well...at least everybody's miserable right, anyways uhhh i'm sorry about the whole...group hang or whatever that was (waves) kay (leaves) (Alex sits there thinking, then gets up and walks out to Seth) Alex: hard to believe all those girls running out on you Seth: don't make me try an feel better Alex: what with you being sooo bratty an immature Seth: oh good, you weren't Alex: (walks over to Seth slowly) and even...sometimesss...a little...charming (Alex is now opposite Seth) Alex: especially when you're not... talking about Summer Seth: (cringes) I know I just- Alex: and knowing is half the battle soooo perhaps there's a little hope for you yet Seth: (sighs) you wanna go an maybe get an ice cream or somethin Alex: ice cream as a night cap Seth: yeah Alex: (smiles) you really are eight Seth: and three quarters (Alex walks around so she's in front of Seth and kisses him. she stops and smiles) Alex: let's go, ill buy but um...no more then two scoops (Alex walks up the stairs) Seth: (smiles) alright (Seth follows Alex) CUT TO: DJ driving in his truck, he stops and looks over to see Marissa's car parked by itself. he thinks for a second then continues driving. he parks his truck next to Marissa's car and gets outs. we then go to Marissa standing by herself at the life guard tower looking lonely (the same one where Ryan told her he was leaving, and where she rang him but didn't say anything) In the background we see DJ walking up the ramp towards her DJ: (smiles) keeping watch Marissa: (smiles) what're you doing here DJ: I was headed to your house, I thought id suprise you Marissa: so this means... (DJ leans forward and kisses her. they both smile) DJ: i'm not sure exactly, except...I guess I better prepare myself for some drama huh Marissa: (laughs/smiles) you have no idea (they both smile and DJ kisses her again. the camera pans towards the waves) CUT TO: Lindsay standing at a bus stop - Ryan pulls up in the car Ryan: hi (Lindsay doesn't say anything) you want a lift Lindsay: no thanks...the...bus 'll be here soon (Ryan drives passed then stops and gets out) Lindsay: ok did you...not understand the part about me takin the bus Ryan: alright hold on Lindsay: ugh don't, it's my fault, I knew it was gonna be a disaster with Seth Ryan: then why'd ya say yes Lindsay: cause I thought you were asking me out (Ryan looks at her) didn't mean to say that out loud... Ryan: uh what Lindsay: I thought...that I was saying yes to you (raises her eyebrows and shrugs) where is that stupid bus Ryan: you did, cause I...I mean you think i'm an idiot [SCENE_BREAK] Lindsay: yeah well I guess that's the twist cause...it turns out i'm the idiot Ryan: ...no, no your not I um...when I asked you out that day for Seth (Lindsay is listening) I uh...well I uh... Lindsay: keep talking Ryan Ryan: ...I wanted it to be me, I did I just...didn't think in a million years you'd say yes (looks down) Lindsay: ...then i've ben right all along...you are an idiot Ryan: an idiot you'd go out with some time... Lindsay: it's possible (they both smile) CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - Kirsten is sitting on the bed and Sandy walks in Sandy: ahhh party's over Kirsten: oh finally, I literally had to push Steven Herbert out the door Sandy: deals back on? Kirsten: he re signed his contracts, hopefully he'll remember that in the morning Sandy: Julie Cooper, definitely understands a weakness of man Kirsten: you were gone for a while Sandy: well I was drivin around, thinkin how I find myself again...in a very familiar triangle (sits on the bed) Kirsten: what triangle is that Sandy: you, me...your dad Kirsten: ...he's guilty isn't he... Sandy: he's guilty'a somethin...somethin he thinks we're better off not knowin Kirsten: well you've never ben one to shy away from the truth Sandy: I could start now...a man can make a nice life outta cheetos (smiles) Dr Phil Kirsten: (smiles) not the man I love (they kiss, they look at each other and kiss again) CUT TO: Summer's bedroom - Zach is sitting on her floor looking at The Valley season DVD set. he looks up at Summer who has put a DVD in. they both smile. she goes and sits next to Zach on the floor and Zach puts his arm around her. she presses play and cuddles up to his chest. Summer looks up at Zach and smiles ~ we then fade to the lifeguard tower - DJ and Marissa are sitting on the floor together, DJ has Marissa wrapped in his arms and they both have their eyes closed. Marissa opens her eyes and looks almost happy, definitely content, aww. the camera pans then we see them closer up. Marissa has her head leaning back on DJ's shoulder. DJ looks happy ~ we then fade to an ice cream cart on the pier - Alex and Seth are there together, they are both walking, and eating ice cream cones. they look at each other and smile - we then fade to the bus stop - Ryan and Lindsay are sitting next to each other on the seat. we fade to a close up of them, both are smiling/laughing and talking. happy - awww - fade out

As Seth and Sandy embark on new adventures, they take the rest of the family along for the ride. Ryan and Seth go on an awkward double date to see The Killers perform in concert, with unexpected results. Meanwhile, Julie finds herself overwhelmed by her new role at the Newport Group and, as usual, is forced to turn to Kirsten for help.

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_03x06

fd_Grey_s_Anatomy_03x06_0

MEREDITH: To make it... really make it as a surgeon, it takes major commitment. We have to be willing to pick up that scalpel that may or may not do more damage than good. It's all about being committed. Cause if we're not, we have no business picking up that scalpel in the first place. [SCENE_BREAK] CHRISTINA: We'll book OR 2 tomorrow at 10. Usual scrub team. And get rid of his valve replacement at 2, that's no good. INTERN: Yang. Brought you a mocha latte. CHRISTINA: You're not scrubbing in. INTERN: But Burke always lets me scrub it. OTHER INTERN: Hey, Yang can I get in on... CHRISTINA: No, no residents. Too crowded. Go away. (To a nurse) Make sure you put the instrument tray on his left hand side. He needs the elbow room. And OR 2, no gallery. Burke was specific. NURSE: Dr. Burke has become very specific since coming back to work, hasn't he? CHRISTINA: Do you want me to tell him you said that? GEORGE (who is looking on from above with Meredith and Alex): Burke's back and suddenly Christina's running his board. Who does she think she is, Bailey? MEREDITH: She's helping him. ALEX: She's taking advantage. She gets out of rounds, she scrubs in on every surgery Burke does, she's ordered around 3'rd year residents... MEREDITH: You're overreacting... (Christina grabs the pen from the nurse's hand and starts writing on the board.) GEORGE: She's writing on the board! ALEX: Maybe I should sleep with Burke... [SCENE_BREAK] MEREDITH: You've been busy CHRISTINA: Yeah MEREDITH: Derek hast called yet. I told him I broke up with Finn a week ago, he still hasn't called. Hey, do you wanna go get a drink, catch up? CHRISTINA: No, I can't. I have to study up for Burke's surgeries tomorrow. MEREDITH: She's busy. [SCENE_BREAK] GEORGE: Callie. Hey, talk to me. And how about talking to me instead of ignoring me? CALLIE: George! GEORGE: Well that's talking That's a good start. [SCENE_BREAK] (Derek walks out of the shower, and screams upon seeing a woman on his bed.) NANCY: Well hey there stranger. DEREK: Nancy you don't call first? (Meredith enters.) MEREDITH: Hey, I... DEREK: Meredith... Meredith, let me explain! (But of course she takes off.) NANCY: I take it that was the slutty intern you cheated on Addison with? DEREK: She's not slutty. What are you doing here? NANCY: You bailed on Thanksgiving, then Christmas, you're living in a trailor, and you're getting a divorce,and then there's the slutty intern. DEREK: I really don't like you. NANCY: You love me. [SCENE_BREAK] IZZIE: I'm feeling really good. GEORGE: Good. MEREDITH: Good. IZZIE: First day back, it feels good. Big. Kind of nervous. I feel good. Do I look alright? MEREDITH and GEORGE: Great. IZZIE: I want to get on the right foot, get my ID renewed, new time card, sign some papers with legal then I'm back...really back. MEREDITH and GEORGE: Yeah. (Izzie leaves the elevator.) IZZIE: This is me. Human resources.. See you guys on the floor. BOTH: Yeah. GEORGE: I'll be Christina for you if you'll be Izzie for me. MEREDITH: Deal. (George stops the elevator.) MEREDITH: Derek had a woman in his trailer last night. She was ugly, very ugly. Except she was tall and beautiful...and he was naked. GEORGE: Oh uh, McDreamy was doing the McNasty with a McHottie? That McBastard. How was that? MEREDITH: That was good! Channelling Izzie... go. GEORGE: OK... Callie... she won't forgive me, she won't talk to me. She dumped me...which I dont...care about...at all MEREDITH: Good because you deserve better, 'cause you are George. I mean seriously. Seriously. Was that Izzie optimistic? GEORGE: That was very Izzie... MEREDITH: What has happened to us? GEORGE: We are now the people the people we want to be with avoid. MEREDITH: We have careers to think about. We don't need attention from men with perfect hair. GEORGE: We should make a pact. No more dating. MEREDITH: No more Derek. No more Callie. GEORGE: Just 100% focused on our work. MEREDITH: They are dead to us. GEORGE: They are freaking corpses to us. (They butt knuckles.) [SCENE_BREAK] MRS. BYRD: Preston Burke, what a pleasure. I have read so much about you. BURKE: Well thank you. CHRISTINA: Pruitt Byrd. Medivac brought him in this morning. He presents with a primary cardiac tumor. MRS. BYRD: We've been told Pruitt needs a cardio autotransplantation. BURKE: A cardio autotransplantation? CHRISTINA: A humpty dumpty surgery. BURKE: Yes I know what it is. Mrs. Byrd, this is a very complicated surgery. You'll need thorough testing. CHRISTINA: Already done. BURKE: You understand what the surgery intails? We have to.. CHRISTINA: We have to remove his heart, cut it open, scrape out all the tumor, then put his heart back together again. BURKE: Which is risky. CHRISTINA: But possible. MRS. BYRD: Which is why we're here I want the very best for my husband. BURKE: The best. CHRISTINA: She means you. BURKE: I know that. CHRISTINA: Oh I scheduled Mr. Byrd for surgery this afternoon. Just trying to be as efficient as possible. [SCENE_BREAK] CHIEF: Legal cleared Stephens. Explain her perameters and make she understands. BAILEY: Stephens is being assigned to me again? CHIEF: She's your intern. BAILEY: Well wouldn't it be better for her to start fresh with another resident? CHIEF: You don't want her. BAILEY: I want her to succeed. CHIEF: There's still a good deal of fallout after the Duquet M&M. There's talk. I don't need to tell you that there are doctors in this hospital who have concerns about your judgement. BAILEY: Concerns about my judgment. CHIEF: Stephens was your mistake. BAILEY: Do you, sir, do you have concerns about my judgement? CHIEF: Do you? You're not going to put those concerns to rest by avoiding taking responsibility for Stephens. She's your intern... again. [SCENE_BREAK] GEORGE: Transfer from Mercy West. Noelle LeBatt. 32 weeks along, pregnant with twins. One appears to be developing more slowly than the other. GREG: Hi. ADDISON: Hi there. GREG: Greg Stanton. This is my lovely fiancé. The future Mrs. Stanton. Noelle. NOELLE: Greg, I promise you you're the only person who cares if we're married or not. GREG: They said we had to come here because her condition could be serious. Is it serious? ADDISON: I gotta say, you don't seem emergent enough for Mercy to send you over here in a ambulance. You're not in labor, you're not bleeding, your vitals are fine. NOELLE: They said I had to come here because of my thing. GEORGE: Two uteruses!? Ms. Lebatt was born with two uteruses. Uh, Uteri ADDISON: Uteruses. GEORGE: Uteruses. That's very rare. IZZIE: I'm here. Hi. Hello. That paperwork took forever, but I'm here now. And can I just say how greatful I am to be back? BAILEY: You understand there are rules to your probation. Rules to follow? IZZIE: Oh yeah, legal took me through all that stuff. The mandatory counseling, the extra lab hours. The extra work with the transplant patients. BAILEY: That's the stuff you're doing with the chief. I'm talking about what you're doing for me. IZZIE: Okay. What am I doing for you? BAILEY: OK, lets start with what you don't get to do. You will not interact with any patients, you will not be alone with any patients. You will be seen and not heard. No procedures. The OR is off limits. No pre-op. No post-op. Anything having to do with an op. You have no authority. You have no opinions. You have no choice in this matter. Am I understood? IZZIE: Is there anything I can do? I want to be useful. BAILEY: I cant use you. You've got to earn back the right for any of us to trust you again. Until then, you will be shadowing a differend Dr. every day. IZZIE: Okay, who am I with today? Dr. Montgomery? You? MEREDITH: Dr. Bailey, you paged? BAILEY: Dr. Grey. IZZIE: Meredith... BAILEY: You are to make sure that Stephens observes only. MEREDITH: You want me to? IZZIE: Wait Meredith? Meredith is the boss of me. [SCENE_BREAK] MEREDITH: I'm sorry about this. IZZIE: Hey you want me to get you some coffee? Rub your feet maybe? MEREDITH: I did not ask for this assignment. IZZIE: It's fine...I'm fine with it. Oh, I'm so sorry (She's bumped into people who are talking to Derek.) DEREK: Dr. Stephens. Welcome back. Meredith? Meredith... IZZIE: Sorry it's not like I can leave. I gotta stay by my bosses side. NANCY: Okay, the trailer sucks, but in the light of day the land is nice. Seattle's pretty in the daylight. Plus you have your thing for ferries. MEREDITH and DEREK: Ferry boats. NANCY: Right, whatever. DEREK: Meredith, this is my sister Nancy. MEREDITH: Sister? You're one of Derek's sisters? NANCY: Well I knew you didn't think I was the wife, seeing as how you already ran her off. DEREK: Nancy is visiting from Connecticut. She's on her way home... now. Straight back home. MEREDITH: Well it was nice to meet you. NANCY: Okay... (Meredith and Izzie walk off as Derek grabs Nancy's arm scornfully.) IZZIE: McDreamy's sister is McBitchy... [SCENE_BREAK] CHRISTINA: You put me in charge of your schedule. BURKE: To make sure that I didn't get a surgery like this one. CHRISTINA: Only a handful of people do humpties Burke. And you're the best one on the west coast. BURKE: Then he can go to Houston. CHRISTINA: You want to tell the Chief that? Pruitt needs the surgery, he'll die without it. BURKE: You didn't tell me. You told the patient we were doing the surgery. but you didn't tell me. CHRISTINA: I have been doing that all week. BURKE: Are you up on a humpty? Do you realize what this entails? CHRISTINA: I have done my research. Stop worrying. We are a well-oiled machine. [SCENE_BREAK] BAILEY: Uh Dr. Burke. BURKE: Yeah. BAILEY: I understand there are some doctors in this hospital that have doubts about my judgement since Denny BURKE: Everyone loves a scandal. BAILEY: So you think it's just gossip? It's not actual concern about me being a doctor? BURKE: Sure, sure. [SCENE_BREAK] (Meredith pulls gauze off a young girl's burnt hand.) MEREDITH: Ow. Iz, set me up for debriedment, and dressing. GRETCHEN: It's stupid. I know better. When I'm setting up for the bar... I'm a mess. I can't focus on anything for weeks, but tourts and real property and constitutional law. MEREDITH: Uh the Biosynthetic ones. IZZIE: We never use those. MEREDITH: We do now. Sloan changed the burn protocol last week. GRETCHEN: I was about to start a practice test. I wanted something to drink. So I put on some tea. So I put on a pot of water and forgot. Half an hour into my section on contracts and the smoke alarm was blaring...and well you know the rest. MEREDITH: So you're going to be a lawyer? GRETCHEN: All I have to do is pass the bar exam. I failed last time...but this time I'm ready. I'm going to pass. IZZIE: Good for you. [SCENE_BREAK] DEREK: That was just mean. NANCY: Kathleen called and asked me to find out why the slutty interns panties were hanging on the bulletin board. DEREK: Four sisters... four sisters and not one brother. And you wonder why I don't call more. NANCY: You can answer about the panties at any time. DEREK: Nance, it's good to see you. Really great to have you here. But I have a job you know? I have patients. NANCY: I have a mother with twins at 35 weeks...where is her OB? DEREK: Well her OB should be on a plane back to Connecticut where she belongs. NANCY: Okay, so we've covered the trailer, we still have to cover the slutty intern and the divorce. DEREK: You know what? You sound more and more like mom every day. NANCY: Take it back. [SCENE_BREAK] GEORGE: So two uteruses. That's pretty cool. And you're engaged...also cool. NOELLE: Greg talked me into it GREG: From the first moment I saw noel I knew I was ham. GEORGE: Did you say ham? NOELLE: Oh here we go again. GREG: You're either ham or eggs. You gotta ask yourself in every situation, are you the pig of chicken? GEORGE: Sir it's just a pig or chicken. GREG: Look you got to play the ham and the eggs. You see the chicken is involved in the meal. But the pig is committed. So the question is...are you committed? Or are you involved? GEORGE: Ham or eggs? GREG: Ham or eggs. [SCENE_BREAK] MARK: Karev you free? ALEX: Absolutely sir. MARK: Great. Take this. I'm on hold with the DMV. Some mess up about switching my license and registration to Seattle. Take care of this for me? ALEX: Thanks for thinking of me sir. O'Malley...how's it feel to be the new gynie grunt? GEORGE: I've got a patient who was born with and is pregnant in two uteruses. Two uteruses...jealous? ALEX: No, I'm on hold. Important business. For Sloan. GEORGE: Right... Super important, I'm sure. Noelle LeBatt...room 2413. ALEX: Hang on, can I see that? (referring to the chart) (Nancy walks up.) NANCY: Did I just hear him say two uteruses? ALEX: You must be... MARK: Nancy pants? NANCY: Hey loser. MARK: I wish Derek had told me you were visiting. NANCY: Oh like he tells you anything these days? MARK: Well I'm working on that. NANCY: What are you doing here Mark? Are you trying to torture him? MARK: He's my family Nancy. Plus I needed a change of pace. Plus I slept with my tennis partners wief and he went out and bought a gun. NANCY: There it is! ADDISON: Oh! Nancy! Let me guess, did mom send you out? NANCY: Let me guess, he's trying to ban you from Seattle? ADDISON: Did he also tell you he's living in a trailer? (Derek walks up and sees them talking, and walks away.) NANCY: Derek. Derek? (She goes after him.) I want to see the two uteruses. ADDISON: Yeah, find me later. MARK: I miss her. ADDISON: Yeah me too. [SCENE_BREAK] GREG: The Diesel pushes past quarterback Don McNeil. He's at the 30. He's at the 20. He's at the 10. Touchdown Washington! NOELLE: Sorry, one of the twins gets rowdy, and Greg gets carried away with talking to the baby. He's decided that the baby is into sports of all things. GREG: Well she's daddy's little girl. See when I talk to her... ALEX: Yeah, your voice, it helps calm her down. Yeah, I read a couple aricles on that recently. ADDISON: Dr. Karev...I didn't know you secretly missed my service. ALEX: Right. ADDISON: Greg, Noelle, I have good news for you. According to our tests, the babies are both perfectly healthy. But they are substantially different sizes for a very unique reason. The babies have two different due dates. GEORGE: According to our calculations, the larger baby, your son was conceived a whole six weeks before your daughter. NOELLE: Oh God. GREG: I don't understand. That's impossible. ADDISON: Actually out tests are extremely accurate at predicting due dates. GREG: But we broke up. Yeah, see she got pregnant. I wanted to get married, she didn't. I gave her an ultimatum, and she left me. NOELLE: Greg I am so sorry. GREG: We were barely speaking, six weeks after the conception, let alone having s*x. Or at least I wasn't having s*x. NOELLE: It was one night, Greg, it was one night. I didn't think this could happen. It was nothing. GREG: I can't believe you did this. I can't believe you didn't tell me. I can't believe this. (He storms out.) GEORGE: He's not the father of both babies. [SCENE_BREAK] ADDISON: I just accidentally broke the news of my patient's infidelity to her husband. BAILEY: And yet no one is questioning your competence as a surgeon. ADDISON: No, what? CHIEF: I need a button. I'm on my last clean shirt and I'm missing a button. Adele always handled my buttons CHIEF: Adele...no. I wouldn't want to bother her with anything as trivial as a button. I don't suppose either of you would want to... ADDISON: I'm sorry, I have two uteruses I need to deal with. BAILEY: I have many skills. Surgical skills. Your button ruptures an oesophagus, I'm your woman... otherwise... MARK: I hear you burned your hand because you were studying? GRETCHEN: Can't be allowed to warm soup within five days of taking the bar. MARK: So you burned your hand... GRETCHEN: While I was burning the soup. MARK: You grabbed the pot GRETCHEN: Dropped it, obviously it was red hot... MARK: Must have held onto it for a while though. This burn's extremely deep. GRETCHEN: Oh yeah, that's right. I held onto it then I dropped it. MARK: There are some deep partial thickness burns here. Give her a gram of Cephazol and a tetanus. GRETCHEN: It's too bad really. I did this to my hand. I'm supposed to be taking the bar again on Friday. MARK: This burn is bad, but we'll get you fixed up. You'll be fine to take the test on Friday. GRETCHEN: I will? IZZIE: She's lying. Something's off about Gretchen's story. MEREDITH: Izzie, you're only supposed to be observing. IZZIE: I am observing. I'm observing closely. Did you see her reaction when Sloan told her she'd be okay to take the test again. That was not relief. That was panic. MEREDITH: It's okay to be nervous...about being back here at work, about failing. But you haven't been here a whole day yet and already you're pushing to bend the rules. IZZIE: MEREDITH: This is so not about me. This is about our patient. I'm worried about our patient. And get off your high freaking horse. MEREDITH: This is my patient. Try to remember that. IZZIE: Fine, whatever. BAILEY: A humpty dumpty surgery. Burke's doing a humpty today? I've never seen one of those first hand before. CHRISTINA: Yeah, me neither. What are you doing? BAILEY: Scrubbing in. You'll let Burke know? CHRISTINA: Sure. (She doesn't want Bailey in there because sit would give the game away.) [SCENE_BREAK] GEORGE: I know you're not talking to me any more, but there's something I'd like to explain. All you have to do is listen. You and me, we're like ham and eggs. I was the chicken and I just want you to know that I know I was the chicken. You put yourself out there and you were committed. I just put the eggs on the plate. Not the ham 'cause you were the pig. I was involved but now I'm committed. CALLIE: Did you just call me a pig? GEORGE: It's a metaphor. CALLIE: Calling me a pig. GEORGE: The point is you're not the pig any more. I am the pig. Now...I am the pig. (She walks away.) (Izzie walks past a room where the gang is sitting eating their lunch.) IZZIE: I've been waiting for you guys for half an hour in the cafeteria. Since when do we eat in a patient room? GEORGE: Izzie, meet really old guy. We found him a couple of days ago. He sleeps all the time. CHRISTINA: It's quiet. No one bothers us. What are you doing. IZZIE: I'm not doing anything. Turns out I'm literally not allowed to do anything. I knew coming back would be an adjustment. But this... CHRISTINA: No, what are you doing now? IZZIE: Eating my lunch. CHRISTINA: Okay, if you want to socialize, or talk about your day or get in a quick therapy session, go do it over there. IZZIE: Seriously? CHRISTINA: Goodbye Izzie. IZZIE: Okay... ALEX: So O'Malley, your two uteruses... GEORGE: You're on scut. Glorified plastics scut. You're in no position to mock me or my uteruses. ALEX: Any cervical changes on the ultrasound? GEORGE: Why do you care? ALEX: I don't. IZZIE: I am so glad to be back. Yay! I'm not complaining about you...you and I are fine, boss. (The old man groans in his bed and moves slightly and everyone looks around at one another.) GEORGE: I called Callie a pig. ALEX: To her face? MEREDITH: What happened to the whole corpse thing? IZZIE: I can't get over how much everything around here has changed. MEREDITH: How many times? GEORGE: Just one time. MEREDITH: I get one too then, Gin (They're playing cards. Meredith gets up and leaves.) IZZIE: What was that... with Meredith? GEORGE: We have a thing. IZZIE: You have a thing with Meredith and I don't now about it? I live with you, I see you every day. GEORGE: It's work thing. CHRISTINA: You know the point of hanging out with really old guy is that he doesn't talk. The man is sedated. This is supposed to be a quiet place. (She storms out.) IZZIE: See...change. She's changed. Everything's change. [SCENE_BREAK] MRS. BYRD: I gave the other nurse a list of his medications this morning. My husband needs his pills, he needed them hours ago! CHRISTINA: Okay, why don't you go check on his meds? NURSE: I have checked on them. CHRISTINA: Meds. Pharmacy. Now. Just... MRS. BYRD: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. CHRISTINA: It's fine. MRS. BYRD: I was never a yeller before. I've become this horrible person who yells at people who are just trying to do their job. CHRISTINA: You are just looking out for your husband. You do exactly what it takes to protect him. That does not make you horrible. That makes you smart. [SCENE_BREAK] (Christina erases Bailey's name off the board when no one is looking.) [SCENE_BREAK] GEORGE: She's hyperventilating. And the baby's had some brachicardia. ADDISON: Noelle I need you to get back into bed. NOELLE: Is Greg out there? Did he leave? Like really leave? GEORGE: Noelle, take deep breaths. NOELLE: I always give him such a hard time about everything. I mean, he likes weddings, I hate them He loves kids, they scare me to death. ADDISON: Have you had any cramping, any contractions, anything at all? NOELLE: I can't do this without him. We'll get past this right. I mean, we'll get past this. AH! ADDISON: All right, Noelle, I need you to get into bed. NOELLE: What's happening? ADDISON: Stay on your left side. I need slow deep breaths. [SCENE_BREAK] NANCY (at dinner with Derek): So tell me about the slutty girl. Fine, the slutty intern. DEREK: It's the slutty part I had a problem with. NANCY: Kathleen said she's not even single. DEREK: She is single. She's wonderful, she's smart, she's alot of things, but she's none of your business Nancy. NANCY: Wow...I've never seen you like this over a girl. Not even Addison. DEREK: I've never been like this over a girl, especially Addison. NANCY: Oh don't be bitter. I mean shame on Addison and all that but he's Mark, Derek. What do you expect? He's Mark. And who hasn't gone there once or twice, right? DEREK: What'd you say? NANCY: Oh come on, everyone sleeps with Mark, it's practically a right of passage. Oh I get it. I get that they made a mistake. DEREK: It wasn't a mistake. It was months. They were together for months, did you know that? NANCY: No, I had no idea. DEREK: Then shut up about it and eat your lunch. [SCENE_BREAK] MEREDITH: Derek's sister is in town. Christina, are you mad at me or something, 'cause I've been trying to talk to you... CHRISTINA: Not everything is about you, Meredith. MEREDITH: What's going on? 'Cause George and Alex are saying... CHRISTINA: I...don't care MEREDITH: What is your problem? CHRISTINA: I have bigger things in my life right now. (Bailey notices her name missing from the humpty dumpty.) BURKE: What? CHRISTINA: Nothing. BURKE: 10 blade. GREG: Dr. O'Malley? Can you tell me what's going on in there? GEORGE: You left... she thinks you left! GREG: Look man, this is all about to digest. My little girl... she isn't even my little girl any more. GEORGE: Noelle is in there freaking out because she thinks you left. GREG: Just tell me if she is okay... please. GEORGE: She's gone into premature labor. Dr. Montgomery... is about to do an emergency c-section to stop labor on the other. GREG: So you're delivering one of the babies right now? Today? GEORGE: In just a few minutes. GREG: The boy or the girl? GEORGE: Ham or eggs? [SCENE_BREAK] MARK: You say you want a career in plastics, but you can't tear yourself away from the baby catchers long enough to show me you want it. ALEX: Being on hold with the DMV doesn't have anything to do with a career in plastics Dr. Sloan MARK: Only it does. Cause I have everything to do with your career in plastics, and I have everything to do with your career in plastics. NURSE: Tyler, Addison Montgomery needs two units of B-Positive blood in L&D STAT. (Alex hangs up with the DMV and goes to help) [SCENE_BREAK] MEREDITH: So the biosynthetic dressings should ensure that you won't need skin grafts. And that's good. GRETCHEN: Would that take long? I mean, how long would something like that take? If I had needed them? MEREDITH: Oh that would depend on the severity of the burn. GRETCHEN: So you mean more severe than this one? It would have to be more severe. MEREDITH: Just to make sure that I have everything accurate, you burned your hand... GRETCHEN: We've been over this. MEREDITH: I'm sorry.. GRETCHEN: Look I have a test Friday and I have work to do. I want to get out of here. I'm ready to go home. IZZIE: Gretchen did you burn your hand on purpose? MEREDITH: Izzie you heard what Dr. Bailey said. IZZIE: It's okay if you did. It's just... did you... burn your hand to get out of taking your test? GRETCHEN: I can't fail that damn test one more time. I just can't. It's all anyone if my family...anyone in my life talks about. It's all I'm known for. Oh Gretchen the failure. Can you imagine failing the bar exam five times? Five times! I mean that's absurd. It's just...that's pathetic. I cannot sit for 2 1/2 solid days of testing...again...just to prove to everyone again...how pathetic I am. Now...when. IZZIE: You feel that pathetic all by yourself. [SCENE_BREAK] ADDISON: Okay, I've completed the incision. I'm going to ask you to move the top uterus to the side so I can reach the one underneath. GEORGE: Okay. ADDISON: I don't want to alarm you or make you nervous in any way, 'cause you seem like a decent person, O'Malley, but I've got about 120 seconds to get baby 1 out of uterus 1 while you're holding uterus 2. And if you so much as hiccup you could rupture uterus 2 and kill this woman's child. Just try and be careful okay? GEORGE: Okay. NURSE: Wow. Look at that. ADDISON: Amazing huh? CHRISTINA: Applying the final hemastasis suture. BURKE: Don't be afraid to. CHRISTINA: Grab a bigger piece? Got it. BURKE: Very nice Dr. Yang. CHRISTINA: Applying pressure. BURKE: Gently. (They pull a mass out of the guy's heart.) CHRISTINA: It was attached at the intraventricular septum. are you going to use a graft to repair? BURKE: Someone's been doing their homework. CHRISTINA: 4-0 Prolene please. Thank you very much Boki. ADDISON: Ready to perforate uterus 2. GEORGE: Wait, Dr. Montgomery, my baby's moving. It's really moving, I can't hold it. ADDISON: I need you to hold her still if I'm going to do the c-section. GEORGE: I know. I'm trying. What should I do? It's really moving. ADDISON: I need you to keep her still George. NURSE: You're sending her into distress. You have to get that baby to stop moving. GEORGE: How do I do that? ALEX: Talk O'Malley. (Alex moves towards the table.) GEORGE: Alex... ADDISON: Dr. Karev move away from the table. ALEX: Talk to it, to the baby to calm it down. ADDISON: Karev. GEORGE: Talk about what? ALEX: October 30, 1974, it's the fight known as Rumble in the Jungle. World heavyweight champ George Foreman is pitted against Muhammed Ali. It's his first fight in 3 1/2 years out of the ring. GEORGE: It's working ALEX: Foreman is his favorite to win. He's younger, stronger. ADDISON: Scalpel. ALEX: But he's not prepared for what Ali later called the rope-a-dope. It all starts in the second round. He comes out swinging. Ali's backed up against the ropes. [SCENE_BREAK] DEREK: That's not going to stay on. Giving it too much slack CHIEF: You're blocking my light. (He's trying to sew a button onto his shirt.) DEREK: Think of it as a basic corner stitch. CHIEF: I can figure out how to sew on my own buttons, thank you. I am a surgeon. DEREK: Right. CHIEF: Oh for God's sakes. You sew this on for me, I'll get rid of Addison and Sloan. DEREK: Really? CHIEF: No. DEREK: Well, I'll do it anyway. CHIEF: So I heard you've got a sister wandering the halls She planning on moving in too? DEREK: I hope not. CHIEF: Derek I know it's been hard for you. DEREK: He was like my brother. I have four sisters. Four very annoying sisters. Mark was my brother. It's hard. CHIEF: Divorce isn't all it's cracked up to be is it? DEREK: I just want it to be easy. Move on. CHIEF: But you're in a surprising amount of pain. DEREK: You and Adele? CHIEF: I'm sewing on a button for the first time in my life. What does that tell you? DEREK: Technically, I'm sewing. I'm just saying. [SCENE_BREAK] ALEX: Dr. Sloan MARK: Just so we're clear, you knew when you stepped into that ER that you were forfeiting your career in plastics, right? ALEX: But, Dr. Sloan... MARK: I need my phone back. [SCENE_BREAK] BURKE: Well done. You were very prepared. CHRISTINA: Yes, I'm always prepared. BURKE: I couldn't have done it without you. CHRISTINA: Thank you. BAILEY: Dr. Burke, could we have a moment alone? I just I didn't realize that you were one of them. One of the doctors who have doubts about my abilities. BURKE: Miranda, I'm not. BAILEY: My name was erased from the board. I have to assume that was you. BURKE: Dr. Bailey. BAILEY: I just...I just need to know why. I need you to tell me why you didn't want me in on your surgery. BURKE: I'm afraid I just couldn't use you. BAILEY: I understand. [SCENE_BREAK] NANCY: You should have seen the two uteruses. Unbelievable. And a cute baby to boot. DEREK: I'm glad you're enjoying your trip. NANCY: Oh Derek, I'm going. I'm on a plane back in 2 hours. DEREK: So, you're going to report back to mom that... NANCY: That you're you. Still running circles around all the women in your life. But that's to be expected with 4 sisters and a dead dad. DEREK: I'm not running circles. NANCY: Can you even remember the last time you were alone? You've never been single. I mean you're fine, but you're not happy. And you're not going to get happy until you get some space. You just need to get away. Away from Addie, away from the intern, just away. Think about what you want. DEREK: Kathleen's the shrink Nancy, not you. NANCY: I gotta go. DEREK: Nancy, thanks for flying out here. It was... thanks [SCENE_BREAK] GRETCHEN: Where are we going again. MEREDITH: We need to go upstairs. GRETCHEN: OK. Wait. Wait. Where are we? MEREDITH: We're on the psychiatric floor Gretchen. We need to place you on a 72 hour hold. GRETCHEN: No I'm not crazy! I'm going home MEREDITH: Gretchen. GRETCHEN: No I just need to go home, Please? IZZIE: You know you're just going to hurt yourself again. Isn't that your plan? So that you won't have to take the bar exam? You need some help Gretchen. If the idea of taking an exam makes you hold the palm of your hand to a burner... you need some help. Everyone needs help from time to time. To make sure they're okay, they're ready. I have that. And you need that right now. (She consents.) GRETCHEN: I'm not crazy. IZZIE: I know. GRETCHEN: Just didn't want to fail. IZZIE: I know. [SCENE_BREAK] NOELLE: What happened? Did everything go okay? Are my babies okay? ADDISON: The surgery went very well. You have a healthy baby boy. And the labor stopped on our little girl. She's going to be just fine. NOELLE: And Greg? Has Greg come back yet? ADDISON: No, Noelle. I'm sorry. Greg isn't here. (She passes back out.) ADDISON: I want an update every half hour. NOELLE: What happened? My babies? ADDISON: Are just fine Noelle. You're just coming out of anaesthesia. NOELLE: Is Greg back yet. ADDISON: I'm sorry noel he's not here. (She slips away again.) (To George) And be sure to alert me to any fetal distress. NOELLE: What happened? ADDISON: Your babies are fine Noelle, everything is okay. NOELLE: Is Greg back yet? GREG (at the door): I'm right here. NOELLE: Hi. GREG: Hi. I saw our son. He's amazing. But how's our little girl? [SCENE_BREAK] MARK: You look like you could use a little cheering up. CALLIE: Not from you. MARK: If I recall I was pretty good at cheering you up. One... two... yep three cheerful times. CALLIE: Dirty. It was not cheerful, it was dirty. And like I said, no. (Alex is listening in.) [SCENE_BREAK] MEREDITH: So your sister really doesn't like me. DEREK: Sorry. It's just... she's from the East Coast. MEREDITH: Well I... DEREK: I should have called. MEREDITH: But you didn't. DEREK: I want us to work it's just...It's complicated. I think I need a little time to.. MEREDITH: Take some space. DEREK: Yeah. To clear my head. MEREDITH: Yeah. Okay. Okay. DEREK: Okay. MEREDITH: (VO) There are times when even the best of us have trouble with commitment, and we may be surprised at the commitments we're willing to let slip out of our grasp. Commitments are complicated. We may surprise ourselves by the commitments we're willing to make. True commitment, takes effort, and sacrifice. Which is why sometimes, we have to learn the hard way, to choose our commitments very carefully.

Cristina scrubs in on the rare "humpty dumpty" surgery, much to the envy of her fellow doctors. Bailey wants to scrub in and writes her name on the surgical board as the resident in charge. Cristina erases Bailey's name in order to cover for Burke's hand tremor, which leads Bailey to believe that he was the one responsible for the deletion, leading her to question her talent for surgery and becoming discouraged. Derek receives a surprise visit from his sister and learns that she had slept with Mark, something that threatens their fragile friendship. George and Addison work with a pregnant woman with an unusual dilemma. Mark takes Alex off plastics after he chooses Addison's patient over being on hold at the DMV for Mark, but he later witnesses Mark and Callie discussing their one-night stand. Izzie returns to work, but is on probation and is not allowed to talk to patients, perform any surgery, or even go into an operating room. Bailey directs Meredith to be Izzie's boss for the day and the two treat a patient that may need to be admitted into psychiatry. At the end of the episode, Bailey witnesses Cristina reorganizing the operations board, and becomes suspicious.

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(Flashback: Sydney sits on a stool, tears in her eyes, staring numbly at nothing while a trainer wraps her hands with gauze. He slaps at her hands to feel if they're wrapped.) TRAINER: Good. (SD-6. Sydney sits at her desk. Jack approaches.) JACK: I heard about Noah... I'm sorry. (She just sits there, staring at nothing.) (In the weight room, Sydney hits the punching bag.) TRAINER: Come on, come on. Hit the bag! (In the blood donor van parked on campus, Sydney and Vaughn chit chat.) SYDNEY: I killed a man... someone I cared about. VAUGHN: Noah Hicks was an assassin. If you hadn't killed him, he would have killed you. SYDNEY: Maybe. But I was the one who forced the fight. VAUGHN: Hicks was a bad guy. (Sydney works out, hitting the bag even harder.) TRAINER: Work that jab! Work it! That's it, work that thing! That's it! Nice combination! Work that jab! (Sydney kicks the bag and the trainer stumbles back from the force.) (Blood donor van.) SYDNEY: But the truth is, it affects me. Never knowing who to trust, learning to expect betrayal, plotting in secrecy and hatred and anger. (Punching.) TRAINER: That's it! SYDNEY: (voice over) It's becoming a part of me. I am becoming what I despise. (Blood donor van.) SYDNEY: I tell myself I got into this to bring Danny's killers to justice. The truth is, I'm more interested in revenge. (Sydney is starting to lose it; punching the bag without much control.) SYDNEY: (voice over) I thought I could stay in control. It's just gotten so twisted. (Blood donor.) SYDNEY: Like with Khasinau. The one tangible goal is to find him so that I can find my mother. But if I do that, if I can find his trail and track him down, it'll strengthen SD-6. (In the training room, Sydney is now breathing hard and sweaty. Hair is stuck to her face with sweat. She takes off her glove to see that blood has seeped through the bandage. Bright red blood soaks through the white bandage.) SYDNEY: (voice over) I got into this to bring them down and now I feel like I'm on their side. (In the blood donor van, Vaughn looks at Sydney for a moment, not knowing how to explain. He suddenly gets up and moves to the counter. He gets out the map he revealed to her in episode two and spreads it out in front of her once again.) VAUGHN: This is the world of SD-6 when we started. Remember? (Sydney can only nod with tears in her eyes. Vaughn flips over a transparent cover that reveals who's been taken out since he first showed it to her. Little red circles with a slice through it are over the map.) VAUGHN: And here is what it looks like today. And this doesn't even take into account things like Badenweiler or stealing page forty-seven from Sloane's vault. Or the way you kept Khasinau from getting his hands on that ampule. Sydney, these are incredible accomplishments. SYDNEY: Khasinau is out there somewhere. VAUGHN: Yes. SYDNEY: My mom is out there. VAUGHN: (sighs) We will find them. SYDNEY: I have to go to class. (She smiles helplessly and gets up to leave. When she walks by him, he stops her by taking her hand.) VAUGHN: Wait. (He gets up and takes out a first aid kit from one of the cupboards. He takes out an ice pack, breaks it up to react it, and places it on her bruised and bloody knuckles.) VAUGHN: Take care of yourself. SYDNEY: Thanks... (Francie and Sydney's house. Will is on his hands and knees in the kitchen while Francie stands back at the counter.) WILL: Where was it? FRANCIE: Behind the fridge. WILL: You say you saw it? FRANCIE: No, I didn't see it. I heard it. Scratching. WILL: Okay, I'm going to go to the hardware store. I'll go get some traps. FRANCIE: No, no, no. We need a professional. We need a hit man. If there's one, there are a thousand. Rats breed hourly. (Will's cell rings.) WILL: Hello? DEEP THROAT: You disappoint me, Mr. Tippin. WILL: (to Francie) It's Litvack. Uhh... (He walks outside through the patio doors for some privacy.) DEEP THROAT: You have enough to publish. You have nothing to fear. WILL: I was kidnapped! The lives of the people I care about were threatened! DEEP THROAT: It's a bluff to scare you off the story. WILL: Well, you know what? It worked. I'm off it. (Will hangs up and looks in at Francie, who is flipping through a phone book innocently. The cell rings again.) WILL: Just go away! Don't call me again! DEEP THROAT: Mr. Tippin-- WILL: Don't call anyone else again unless you want more people to die! DEEP THROAT: It was Jack Bristow. WILL: What? What? Wait, what's Jack Bristow? Hello? Hello? (Sydney comes home after her classes.) FRANCIE: We have rats. SYDNEY: What? WILL: Hi. (Tape screwed up.) SYDNEY: Hi. Mice are better than rats. FRANCIE: There's no way that they're mice. They're rats, and they're huge. The exterminator is coming between noon and three. Think you can be here? SYDNEY: No, I've got work. FRANCIE: Well, I have to cater a lunch for thirty. (They both look at Will.) WILL: I don't live here. SYDNEY: Then why are you always here? FRANCIE: Yeah, I mean, it's not like you pay any rent. WILL: What is this, attack on Will? My God. SYDNEY: Please, just do this for us. (She smiles at him.) WILL: Okay, fine, I'll do it. FRANCIE: See, the thing about rats is they're clever. You have to out think them. You can't really just leave out cheese. You have to leave the good stuff. The heavy-duty stuff. The stuff that they want. It's the only way they're going to come out. Otherwise, you're just wasting your time. (Self-storage. Sydney and Vaughn have a pow-wow.) SYDNEY: I can't believe I didn't think of this before. We can make Khasinau come to us. VAUGHN: What are you thinking? SYDNEY: The vial of liquid. The Rambaldi solution. VAUGHN: The one the CIA now has? SYDNEY: That's why Khasinau had a team to break into SD-6. He wants that solution. (Director Devlin's office at the CIA. Vaughn enters.) VAUGHN: Sir, with respect to Alexander Khasinau, I'd like to suggest a course of action. DEVLIN: Quickly. I've got a meeting with the senior review team from NIC. VAUGHN: Remember the ampule? The vial of liquid we got from SD-6 that allowed us to read page forty-seven of the Rambaldi manuscript? DEVLIN: Uh-huh. (Back to self-storage.) SYDNEY: What I'm suggesting is a black market sale. Third party. VAUGHN: Hold on. Khasinau still thinks that vial is in the SD-6 vault. SYDNEY: Yes. So we say there's another one. VAUGHN: What? You think we can make Khasinau believe that? SYDNEY: Yes. VAUGHN: You're going to have to make it sound pretty legit. SYDNEY: I think I know how to do that. (Flashback: Sydney, Dixon, Sloane, and two unidentified agents sit in the conference room. Sloane gives the two unknown agents folders for a mission.) SYDNEY: (voice over) Last year, Sloane sent a team of agents into the Carafu Art Museum in Algiers after an Opec minister donated a collection that Sloane believed might contain Rambaldi artifacts. (Self storage.) VAUGHN: Wait. Why don't I know about this? SYDNEY: Because the mission failed. The agents were caught. (Flashback: The two agents are being dragged, handcuffed, to another van for transport. A car drives by and a masked man -- who, IMO looks kind of like Jack -- leans out the passenger side with a machine gun and blasts away.) SYDNEY: (voice over) Before they could even be questioned, SD-6 had them killed. (Self-storage.) SYDNEY: Say there was a break-in at that museum this week. It would be widely publicized. Khasinau would start to hear rumors of what was taken. VAUGHN: Including rumors of an existing second ampule. (Devlin's office.) DEVLIN: Are you suggesting that I approve the theft of priceless works of art? VAUGHN: You see, sir, we would just be borrowing them. (Self-storage, continuing.) SYDNEY: We'd return everything we steal through back channels, but not until after we've made contact with Khasinau. The whole point is to get noticed. (Devlin's office.) DEVLIN: "We"? You're proposing to go with her? VAUGHN: I-I know I'm not a field agent, but SD-6 isn't in on this and Agent Bristow will need backup. She trusts me. Now, the plan is to go in as insurance agents offering to lower their premium. Naturally, we would have to inspect their security system thoroughly before we commit any coverage. (SD-6 archives. Sydney sits a laptop, typing.) SYDNEY: (voice over) I downloaded the mission specs from the SD-6 archives. Alarm types at the museum, action point, blueprints... (Self-storage.) SYDNEY: ...Everything. (Devlin's office.) VAUGHN: Sir, this is our best shot at Khasinau. DEVLIN: Do it. (Self-storage.) SYDNEY: You'll deal with the op tech. VAUGHN: I'll take care of it. SYDNEY: I have to stop by the hospital. Emily. She's not doing well. VAUGHN: Yeah, she's sick from the chemo. (Sydney looks at him.) VAUGHN: We heard that from the bug in Sloane's study. I'm sorry. SYDNEY: Yeah. Thanks. (Francie and Sydney's. Will's alone and on the phone.) WILL: Can I get the number for Druzinsky's Pest Control? Sure, yeah. D-R-U--Yeah. Hold--let me just get a pen. (He opens a drawer, looking for a pen.) WILL: Hold on. Yeah, hold on just a sec. (He pulls out a black marker.) WILL: Okay, got it. Yeah. 323-- (Knock.) WILL: Naturally the guy shows up. Right, sorry. (He hangs up and answers the door.) WILL: Hi. PEST CONTROL: How you doing? WILL: Good. Good. PEST CONTROL: Where's the problem? WILL: Uh, well, we got rats over here. Behind the refrigerator. PEST CONTROL: Let me see your rats. (In the kitchen, he bends down and takes out a flashlight.) PEST CONTROL: Not wood... droppings... (Will looks at the open drawer and sees a picture of Jack in there. It's an old picture.) PEST CONTROL: Yeah, these are rat droppings. WILL: Well, uh, kill 'em. Please. PEST CONTROL: You got kids? (Will opens another drawer to find the aluminum foil and plastic wrap. He opens the wrap and rips off a sheet.) WILL: No... PEST CONTROL: Household pets? Dogs, cats? Hello? (Will's busy. He puts the sheet of plastic wrap over Jack's picture and then takes the black marker he had. He draws a mask with the marker over Jack's face.) WILL: What? No. I don't have any pets. PEST CONTROL: Then I'd skip traps and go right to bait. (Will stares at the finished product -- and has a flashback of his kidnapper.) MAN: This will be your only warning. (Will looks at Jack's covered face, and the eyes. They're the same as his kidnapper.) WILL: Holy... (Emily's hospital room.) EMILY: Sydney... SYDNEY: I don't know if you feel well enough to eat these but... total contraband. (She shows a box of chocolates and sits down.) EMILY: Thank you. SYDNEY: I'm so sorry you have to go through this. EMILY: Oh, Sydney, tell me something happy. SYDNEY: Happy. EMILY: Yeah. SYDNEY: Well... I've got the week off from work. Which is nothing, considering your husband owes me, like fifty comp days. But I've been working really hard lately, so... (Emily covers Sydney's hands with her own.) EMILY: Can I give you some advice? SYDNEY: Please. EMILY: When you look back... family, your friends... that's what matters. Work, your job. It wouldn't seem that important. (Sydney nods a little, curious.) EMILY: Even your job... even working for SD-6. (Sydney's shocked.) (In a control room at the hospital -- clearly this is the SD-6 hospital Dixon was admitted to -- an agent sits behind a counter with monitors everywhere. He watches the monitor on Emily's room.) EMILY: Sydney, I know you can't talk about it and I wouldn't have mentioned it except I know how easy it is to lose perspective on things... (Back in the hospital room.) EMILY: And I don't want to see that happen to you. SYDNEY: When... when did Arvin tell you? EMILY: He didn't. Over the years, I'd overhear things. Find clues that he never really left the world of intelligence. And I know he... he keeps me from the truth to protect me. To keep me from worrying. My only regret is not being able to tell him how... how proud I am. (In the control room, the agent starts typing.) (Conference room at SD-6. Jack sits alone. Sydney walks in and sits down next to him. Jack takes out his magic pen -- the frequency jammer -- and flips the lid.) JACK: We're good for two minutes. SYDNEY: Dad, it's Emily. She knows about SD-6. I'm just worried about her. JACK: I know. It's too late. Your coversation was recorded. SYDNEY: The Alliance knows? JACK: Yes. SYDNEY: And? (Sloane's office. He sits behind his desk when the phone rings. He answers.) JACK: (voice over) Information about SD-6 must be treated like a virus. SLOANE: (on phone) Who? JACK: (voice over) There is only one response: containment. SLOANE: (on phone) What did you say? (Conference room.) SYDNEY: Sloane won't let this happen. They won't kill Emily. JACK: The final decision will not be made until after Sloane has met with the head of Alliance security. He is the only one who can save her now. (Sydney walks out of the conference room and looks in at Sloane's office. He looks depressed. She walks in.) SYDNEY: The time off I asked for last week... I'd still like to take it. Would that be all right? SLOANE: Where are you going? SYDNEY: The desert. SLOANE: Yeah. Yes. Of course. SYDNEY: Thank you. SLOANE: The desert... (sighs) Hmm. (She turns and leaves.) (Algeria. Sydney and Vaughn who both harbor French accents, walk with two museum officials and a translator.) SYDNEY: To make a risk analysis, we will need to test your security system. (He translates into Arabic.) SYDNEY: ...See how it operates during a shutdown of your primary generator, heating, electircal, and ventilation system. (He translates.) (Flashback. On the plane to Algeria, Sydney and Vaughn go over the plans.) VAUGHN: Once we're in, we'll need to separate. You'll go inspect the alarm grid in the exhibition space. I'll handle the shutdown from the control room with this frequency jammer. It'll keep the security cameras off for three minutes. A hundred and eighty seconds is all you got. (In the control room, Vaughn is with the translator and one of the museum heads.) VAUGHN: Please shut down the primary generator. (Translates into Arabic. They shut it down. Vaughn takes out the jammer. The cameras go down as well. He starts timing it on a digital watch he wears while the men start questioning why the cameras went down.) TRANSLATOR: He says he can't understand what happened. The second generator has always kept the security monitors online before. (Plane.) VAUGHN: And when I close out the ventilation system-- SYDNEY: The turbine in the shaft will shut down, allowing me to gain access to the vault room on "E" level. (Control room.) VAUGHN: Now shut down the ventilation. (Translates.) (In a hallway somewhere in the museum, Sydney is walking with the other museum head. She throws her briefcase at his neck and he stumbles back. She kicks him twice. The man goes down. Sydney runs. She takes off her jacket and pulls out a power screwdriver from the briefcase and starts taking off the vent cover.) (Vaughn checks his watch nervously -- twenty seconds has gone by.) (Sydney takes off the vent cover. She takes out a shooter, arms it, and points it skyward. The shooter's wire flies up. At the end of the wire, it has a series of prongs on it. The wire attachs itself to the fan blades high above. Sydney, down below, feels the tension, knows it's tight, and attaches it to her belt. She looks down. It's a long way down the shaft. She jumps out into the shaft and hangs on as the cord attached to the fan blades lets her dangle way below. She hits a switch on her belt and starts dropping down.) (In the control room.) VAUGHN: And now keep the heating system offline. (Translates. Vaughn looks at his watch -- forty-nine seconds.) (Sydney drops down, looking at a meter on the wire in front of her that tells her how many feet she's going down.) (Plane.) VAUGHN: The vault room is located through a shaft on the east wall, sixty-seven feet below the main level. (The meter beeps at sixty-seven. Sydney stops dropping and kicks the vent cover in. She stands in the hallway outside the vault room, loosens the wire to get some slack so she can walk in the vault room and still remain tied up to the fan.) (Plane.) VAUGHN: According to the document you gave me, the vault is a third-generation Handvalova. (Sydney reaches across him and picks up a cell phone.) VAUGHN: Careful with that. It's full of plastique explosives in case this doesn't work. (He picks up a silver bracelet and puts it around Sydney's wrist.) VAUGHN: Now, in theory, not only should this crack the safe... (Sydney puts it on the vault door.) VAUGHN: (voice over) It should short the circuitry for two minutes, giving you enough time to get back to the main level before the alarm goes off. (Sydney opens the vault door and starts taking stuff and putting it in her bag.) (In the control room, Vaughn looks at his watch -- a hundred and twenty seconds.) VAUGHN: And electrical. (Translates. All of a sudden, a man bursts into the room shouting in Arabic.) VAUGHN: What is going on? PRESIDENT: I agreed to a system analysis... TRANSLATOR: Mr. Algazabia is the president of the museum. PRESIDENT: ...Not to a shutdown. VAUGHN: We are testing the security system. So far, everything is okay. TRANSLATOR: He has ordered the power restored. VAUGHN: No, no, no, wait, wait, wait. My partner and I flew in from Paris because we were assured the possibility to make a complete offer! Now, to do that, we must run a thorough analysis! Si vous alliez pas nous laisser faire notre travail, il fallait nous le dire avant qu'on fasse tous les préparatifs pour venir venir, hein! PRESIDENT: When the system is offline, essential services go down, including fire protection. That is a risk I cannot take! (In the vault, Sydney takes a few more things.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Control room. Vaughn is panicked.) VAUGHN: I'm warning you, I will file a formal complaint with the legal department! PRESIDENT: (speaks Arabic) Take him. Find his partner. Show them the way out. (Angrily, Vaughn grabs his things and is escorted out. The president orders the man sitting at the desk to restore the power. In the shaft, the fan blades start to whir. Sydney, in the vault, turns when she feels tension. As the fan starts up, the cord that was attached starts tightening around the blades and Sydney is pulled in the shaft by her waist because she is still attached as well. She flies in the shaft and bangs against the shaft wall. She looks up, terrified, to see that she'll be heading toward the fan blades because she can't stop it when the power is on. She sees the opening is coming up where she entered the shaft. As she is pulled up, she grabs on to the edge of the entryway while she is still being pulled up. She hits a button and the belt lets go. Sydney bangs into the wall, still hanging on to the ledge. Her hip hits the wall of the shaft and the phone riddled with explosives falls from her belt and falls to the bottom of the shaft. It explodes. The fire is hurdling up the shaft with Sydney still hanging on inside. She finally gets inside and falls into the hallway of the museum as the fire goes up the shaft. She grabs her jacket and her things and leaves.) (In the lobby of the museum, Vaughn is being escorted out as Sydney meets up with them, back in her costume.) SYDNEY: What's going on? VAUGHN: We're being kicked out. I didn't have time to finish my system analysis. Did you? (The alarms go off.) SYDNEY: Barely. (In the newspaper offices, Will's friend Abby types on her laptop while listening to some music from her stereo next to her. Will walks up, and turns up the music.) ABBY: Excuse me! WILL: (whispers) Listen to me, listen to me. I really need your help, okay? (Outside the newspaper, Will holds a manilla envelope.) ABBY: Wait a minute. You've got to give me more details than that! WILL: No, no, no, no details. ABBY: You were kidnapped? WILL: Here, just-- ABBY: By a man who turns out to be someone you know's father? WILL: Yes, yes-- ABBY: What is this? (She takes the envelope.) WILL: This is an article I've written. Abby, you've got to do this for me. Make sure you keep it sealed, and don't mention this to anyone. And you got to promise me you're not going to open it, unless something happens to me. And if something happens to me, you got to publish it. ABBY: Why would something happen? WILL: Because I'm going to see my kidnapper. ABBY: Oh, Will, you've become insane! WILL: I have enough information that maybe I can write a story that might raise some questions, but I don't have anything that's going to put this guy away! ABBY: Well, publish the story now. That's your insurance policy! WILL: Yeah, but then I'll never get his cooperation! I mean, there's got to be a bigger story here. I want to find out what it is. Abby... you got to promise me you're not going to open it. ABBY: Promise me I won't have to. (That night, Jack comes out of Credit Dauphine and walks to his car. Will starts up his truck.) (At a fancy bar, Jack sits and takes a drink. Will sits down next to him.) WILL: (sighs) There are a few things we need to talk about and, quite frankly, you scare me, so I'd rather talk about them in a public place. Can I have a beer, please? JACK: You want to talk to me? About what? WILL: Let's start with Sydney. Does she know? JACK: I don't know what you're talking about. WILL: Does she know that you kidnapped me? JACK: (laughs) I think you have me confused with someone else. (The bartender sets a beer down in front of Will.) WILL: Thanks. (looks at Jack) No, I don't. I wrote a story. No one's seen it yet, but if I die, it's going to get published. It's a story I don't even want to work on anymore. JACK: Will, you seem very upset. WILL: Yeah, I am, 'cause it just won't go away! This source who told me about you, won't let it. I don't even know where he lives. I don't know where he works, so you can't beat it out of me. But he knows. He knows everything. I mean, he gives me hints and clues and he's never wrong. Now, I don't... I don't know if you work for SD-6, or if you're responsible for the deaths of Daniel Hecht and Eloise Kurtz. I don't even know if you're protecting Sydney, or if she needs to be protected from you, but just tell me what you know. Convince me that you put Sydney's interests first. That in some sick, bizarre twist of fate, you and I are on the same side. JACK: My concern for Sydney is not yours to judge. WILL: Convince me by helping me put a stop to what's going on and uh, in return, I'll... uh, I'll help you find out who my source is because I got a feeling that he's somebody that you'd like to meet. (He lays down his card and walks out. Jack takes a big drink.) (That night, a man brings Jack to the back door of Devlin's home. Devlin wraps a robe around himself and opens the door.) DEVLIN: Thanks, Ethan. (Ethan leaves.) JACK: There's been a breach. Without containment, our entire operation could be compromised. DEVLIN: What's the source? JACK: Best guess, a whistle-blower well placed within the Agency with access to omega seventeen files. He's been talking to a reporter. You should put counterintelligence on it right away. They should start with Steven Haladki. DEVLIN: Haladki? JACK: He fits the profile. Agent rising in rank. Opposed to company policy regarding SD-6. Internal efforts to change policy thwarted. So he takes it out on the building. DEVLIN: That's a pretty big charge, Jack. JACK: The source is putting Sydney's life at risk. DEVLIN: Haladki filed a report on the prophecy. He said you threatened him at gunpoint to get information on where the bureau was holding Sydney. JACK: Yes. And then I used that information to hold other FBI agents at gunpoint in order to free my daughter from a witch hunt. You need to get CI on this tonight. DEVLIN: I want you to stop. I hear your concerns and I will choose how to respond to them myself. You're a good agent, Jack, but lately, I find your methods reprehensible. If I hear of one more instance of you acting off book, you're done. (He closes the door in Jack's face.) (At Francie and Sydney's, Francie sits at the counter while Sydney sits on the sofa, thinking.) FRANCIE: I'm gonna send flowers to Will for babysitting our rodents. What do you think the card should say? SYDNEY: I had s*x with someone. FRANCIE: (laughs) Seriously. (Sydney looks at her. Francie realizes she's serious.) FRANCIE: What? When? (She comes around and sits next to Sydney.) SYDNEY: About a week ago. FRANCIE: When were you going to tell me? SYDNEY: I know, I just... it was Noah Hicks. FRANCIE: Oh. SYDNEY: I know how you feel about Noah. FRANCIE: So, what, did he just call you up? SYDNEY: No. It was a trip. It was a business trip. We just sort of picked up where we left off. FRANCIE: Well, how is he? SYDNEY: He is... it didn't end well. FRANCIE: Well, I'm not surprised. He was never good enough for you. I mean, anybody who would just dump you like that and walk away? He doesn't deserve a second chance. SYDNEY: People change. FRANCIE: No, they don't. I mean, what if I started dating Charlie again? SYDNEY: No, I know... FRANCIE: Hey, you're really down about this, aren't you? SYDNEY: A little. There's nothing to be done about it. I mean... it's over. I just wanted to let you know. FRANCIE: Well, maybe you're right. Maybe I am being a little too tough on Noah. Hey, if he calls, I'll try and be nice, okay? (Marshall's office. Marshall is at his desk, drawing an intricate pattern on an paper house. Sloane enters.) SLOANE: Marshall, get me the last bioscan profile on Edward Poole. (Marshall closes the book and the house. Sloane stares at it for a second.) MARSHALL: Sure, right away. That's a pop-up book. Making them clears my mind. It helps me--feel free to dock me any amount you feel is... oh, here you go. This is interesting. When he came through the scanning room, he was carrying two phones. SLOANE: Can you locate them? MARSHALL: Yeah. (types) There. SLOANE: Good. I have one phone number on Poole. I ran a tap on it but I couldn't find... (He looks out the window of the office and sees the head of security for the Alliance walk through and enter his office.) SLOANE: ...Any leads on Khasinau. MARSHALL: Well, I can probably track down the second one. SLOANE: Just get me the other number right now. (Sloane walks out and enters his office.) SECURITY: Let me begin by saying I know how difficult this is and that if there was any other way-- SLOANE: My wife is dying. SECURITY: I understand. SLOANE: She has lymphoma. SECURITY: Yes. We have both video and audio. This isn't an issue of confirmation. SLOANE: No. No, this is an issue of decency. SECURITY: The time and date have been set-- SLOANE: She is my wife! I am not just going to sit back and allow you to eliminate her! SECURITY: When I first came into the Alliance, my closest friend was Jean Briault. He took me into his confidence. He guided me. He was my mentor. But when Briault was murdered at point-blank range, I didn't ask any questions. I didn't talk of decency. SLOANE: Jean Briault was my friend, too. His murder was a tragedy. I'm just trying to prevent another. SECURITY: The Alliance knows you disregarded their policy and pursued Khasinau. They're going to want to see evidence that your priorities are in order. SLOANE: (stands) Are you suggesting that I allow you to kill my wife to enhance my standing within the Alliance? (Newspaper. Mail call. The mail guy drops an envelope on Will's desk. He looks at it. Written on the front is only his name, and no address. He pulls out a sheet of paper.) (At a clearing, Will drives up where Jack is already there in front of his own car, waiting. Will gets out, looking a little wary and scared.) JACK: I work in intelligence. That is all you need to know. WILL: So, the bank, Credit Dauphine, that's, like a front company? JACK: You and I meet only when and where I decide. Never contact me. WILL: Okay, when you say intelligence, you mean SD-6, right? It's like some off-the-books division-- JACK: We go after the source first. Everything else comes later. Are we clear? WILL: (sighs) Does Sydney know? (Pause.) WILL: Jack? Is your daughter a part of this? JACK: No, she's not. Now... are we clear? (Will breathes a huge sigh of relief.) WILL: Yes. JACK: Do you have a way of contacting your source? WILL: Yeah, yeah. I have a transmitter. It's a pin. I found it in a box of stuff belonging to Eloise Kurtz. (Jack bristles.) WILL: What? JACK: I planted that pin on Eloise Kurtz. WILL: Of course, that's right! Neville said it was government issue. So... you hired her to play Kate Jones so she could lie to me and when she said too much... you had her killed! (Horrified, Will backs up against his truck.) JACK: I did not kill her. But I bear some responsibility for her death, as do you. Focus, Mr. Tippin! Do as I insist or more people will die! WILL: Okay, why don't I contact Deep Throat and I'll insist upon a meeting, and then-- JACK: He told you about me. If you ask for a meeting, he'll know it's a set-up. You will contact him. Tell him you know I was the one who kidnapped you and that you are terrified. Then tell him you are back on the story. This meeting never took place. (Jack gets in his car and drives away, tires squealing.) (Conference room with Dixon, Marshall and Sloane.) SLOANE: Edward Poole was a friend, a visitor to this office, a former operative with MI-6. Recently, I was shocked to learn he has become an ally of Khasinau. So, I asked Marshall to examine his scanning room profile to see if he can come up with any leads. Marshall? MARSHALL: Thanks. Now, this is really good. (Self-storage. Sydney walks in.) VAUGHN: I take it you've seen the news? SYDNEY: It's sort of perfect, right? VAUGHN: So far, so good. SYDNEY: Have you contacted the broker? VAUGHN: Yeah. I stopped in Lisbon on my way back. I told him I was hired by the men who pulled off the robbery. SYDNEY: Who? VAUGHN: A splinter group of the Raslak jihad. SYDNEY: How much did you say you wanted for the solution? VAUGHN: Ten million. And I gave him the sat phone and said we would only field offers during that agreed upon window. SYDNEY: Good. My father disabled the SD-6 satcon intercept so there's no way Sloane can find out about this transmission. (Conference room.) MARSHALL: Okay, based on RF transmissions, we were able to intercept the signal between Pool's cell and the com tower. From that, we were able to set up a wire tap on his STU -- secure telephone unit. (Marshall hits a button on a remote to play the sound of the phone dialing.) MARSHALL: See, then we were able to get Khasinau's number, and run a tap on him. (Self-storage.) VAUGHN: We heard from the broker this morning. Apparently, Khasinau is willing to pay double our asking price in diamonds. SYDNEY: Is Khasinau going to meet us? VAUGHN: No. He's sending Sark. (Conference room.) SLOANE: This is a text of a conversation our tap picked up this morning between Khasinau and Mr. Sark. You will recall the ampule that McKenas Cole stole from us on behalf of Khasinau. At the time, we believed there was only one ampule in existence. This conversation indicates the existence of two. DIXON: It says here that Sark and a splinter group of the Raslak jihad have agreed on the number of men and materiel each side can bring to the meeting. (Self-storage.) VAUGHN: The deal allows for each side to have only one principal and two backups located in the marketplace. (Conference room.) SLOANE: If they bring two, we bring four. (Self-storage.) VAUGHN: Now, when you and Sark meet, you will actually be able to test each other's merchandise, which is why we need to give him the real Rambaldi solution. After he confirms thta the liquid is authentic, you'll make the deal, then switch the vial with an identical one containing colored water and a radioactive isotope we can track via satellite. SYDNEY: So when Sark brings the solution to Khasinau, he'll be bringing us along as well. (Conference room.) SLOANE: Our pursuit of Rambaldi is incomplete without that ampule so in order to recover it, you are authorized to use all necessary force. Is that understood? DIXON: Yes. SLOANE: Good. You leave tonight. (Self-storage.) VAUGHN: Now this guy Sark might've seen you in Moscow-- SYDNEY: He didn't. And even if he did, he won't recognize me this time. VAUGHN: You saw what he did there and in Hong Kong, too. SYDNEY: If you're suggesting we bring someone else in, no way. This is my op. VAUGHN: Okay. We leave for Denpasar tonight. (Denpasar. A plane lands and Dixon walks through the airport, carrying his luggage.) (Will's desk at the newspaper. He stares at the flower pin which is sitting next to his cell phone.) WILL: Hi. I don't know if you can hear me or not, but I've thought about it... I'm back on the story. (Emily's hospital room. Sloane enters and watches her for a moment.) EMILY: Hi... (He walks to her and sits on the bed. She puts a hand up to his face.) SLOANE: (whispers) How do you feel? EMILY: Better... now that you're here. (He kisses her palm lovingly.) EMILY: Dr. Levin stopped by earlier. He said the biopsy is scheduled for next week. (Sloane lets out a little sob. He breaks down.) EMILY: Sweetheart... it's going to be okay. We have to believe that. SLOANE: Yeah. You are so beautiful. EMILY: I know, I must look wonderful. (She laughs a little, crying.) EMILY: Hold me? (Crying, Sloane takes her in his arms.) EMILY: I am so proud of you. (He cries and buries his head on her shoulder.) (Marketplace. Sydney is sitting down wearing full make-up and wearing a costume that covers her face except her eyes, is being carried into the meeting room. Vaughn sits on top of a building nearby, watching with binoculars.) SYDNEY: What have you got? VAUGHN: Sark's already in place. SYDNEY: How many men? VAUGHN: One inside, and one at the gate next to one of ours. SYDNEY: He stuck to the plan. VAUGHN: So far. If anything changes, we're ready. (At the entrance, they come to a stop. Sydney puts her hand up. They nod. Vaughn watches as she goes inside.) VAUGHN: After you both test the merchandise, and make the switch, you'll go your separate ways. (Sark stands. They both speak Indonesian to each other and take their seats.) SARK: I thought we had an agreement that neither side would have the advantage. SYDNEY: That is the agreement. SARK: Then you have not lived up to it. You can see me, I cannot see you. SYDNEY: You know who I represent. SARK: Well, according to the broker, you are affiliated with the Raslak jihad. (Sydney nods.) SARK: A noble cause, to be sure. And a group I respect for its dedication to the principles of ancient Kunta. When I heard of this, I volunteered for the assignment because as it turns out, I'm quite familiar with the Kunta use of the latajang. If you are who you claim to e, your skills with latajang should be unsurpassed. VAUGHN: A latajang? Sydney, stick to the plan! (Sark screws his latajang together.) SYDNEY: The agreement was clear. We meet and trade. SARK: And we will, if you are who you say you are. VAUGHN: Sydney, is he asking you to fight him?! SARK: I've already instructed my guard to stand down. If you want the diamonds, you'll do the same. VAUGHN: Sydney, don't do this! Sydney! (She stands and takes the latajang. They step aside.) VAUGHN: Sydney! (They bow. And they fight. He kicks her and tries to hit her with his latajang. She holds up hers and blocks him. He kicks her. She gasps in pain, her eyes tearing up. He holds the latajang close to her face, the blade about to cut her. She pushes him and kicks him. She protects herself by blocking him again. She flips him by sweeping his feet out from under him with her latajang and points the blade at his throat.) SARK: Excellent. SYDNEY: Let's test the merchandise. SARK: Let's. (He gets up and they sit down, open the cases. She looks at the diamonds. He looks at the vial and tests it. She takes the duplicate vial and hides it in her hand. She covers it with a green material and puts a diamond on top of it, looking at him. He tests the liquid. Vaughn scans the crowd.) VAUGHN: Sydney, it's Dixon! He's here! (Silenced gunshots can be heard as Dixon and his men approach the gate to the meeting room. Sark's guard and Sydney's guard fall to the ground.) VAUGHN: Both guards are down! I repeat, both guards are down! SYDNEY: I am satisfied. Do we have a deal? VAUGHN: He's at the gate! Make the switch! I repeat, make the switch! SYDNEY: Enough. Either we have a deal, or-- SARK: Yes. We have a deal. (He puts the real vial on the table and extends his hand. Sydney is about to shake his hand and is about to make the switch when Dixon enters, his gun pointed at them.) DIXON: Hands in the air! (Sark takes the REAL vial and puts it in his jacket. Sydney didn't have time to make the switch. He raises his hands. Sydney does the same.) DIXON: Where's the vial? I said, where's the vial? (He looks at Sydney, a flicker of recognition comes across his face. Sydney looks away, hoping he didn't recognize her.)

In order to catch Khasinau and get closer to finding her mother, Sydney and Vaughn set up an undercover transaction for a Rambaldi artifact with Khasinau's representative, Mr. Sark . But Sydney's cover may be compromised when her partner, SD-6 agent Marcus Dixon is sent in to thwart the sale. Meanwhile, Will is enticed to continue his investigation of SD-6 when he learns the identity of one of his kidnappers. Emily tells Sydney that she knows about SD-6, which forces Sloane to make the most difficult decision of his life.