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[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-28T02:58:26.000Z | ciqqvd | 2 | 1 | ptsd | Stockholm syndrome | 0.6 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ciqqvd/stockholm_syndrome/ |
bbbybrggs | Bonus points if it’s for no reason and the wave of guilt came on at random with no trigger other than existing 👌🏻😎 | 2019-07-28T02:42:42.000Z | ciqldc | 5 | 12 | ptsd | Who else consumed by guilt on this fine evening | 0.89 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ciqldc/who_else_consumed_by_guilt_on_this_fine_evening/ |
[deleted] | null | 2019-07-28T02:41:27.000Z | ciqkw5 | 5 | 1 | ptsd | Does anyone else have a family member that mistakes your hallucinations for being crabby? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ciqkw5/does_anyone_else_have_a_family_member_that/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-28T02:36:18.000Z | ciqj49 | 0 | 1 | ptsd | Getting over it | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ciqj49/getting_over_it/ |
lunamosag | Not being in treatment has been much harder than I anticipated. I knew it’d be hard, but I thought I could handle only having therapy every other week...
DBT skills just aren’t working right now and I don’t know who to reach out to. I don’t really have any friends anymore. I burned a lot of bridges before going inpatient | 2019-07-28T01:46:04.000Z | ciq17j | 1 | 14 | ptsd | I miss having a therapist on call | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ciq17j/i_miss_having_a_therapist_on_call/ |
aajohn390 | Two days ago I saw my attackers car. I knew it was him because I remember memorizing his license plate. This is the first time since the attack I’ve had a true out of body flashback. I spent the last two days getting black out drunk. I’m finally feeling good enough to stay sober today, but I can’t leave the house. I guess I’m just writing this to put it out to the universe. Still making sense of it all. | 2019-07-28T00:13:55.000Z | cip1lt | 2 | 9 | ptsd | Saw my attackers car (trigger warning) | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cip1lt/saw_my_attackers_car_trigger_warning/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-27T23:24:53.000Z | cioiqy | 1 | 3 | ptsd | May be triggering, contains a bit of a rant - Do any of you have access to printables and PDF resources r.e PTSD, specifically flashbacks? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cioiqy/may_be_triggering_contains_a_bit_of_a_rant_do_any/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-27T23:12:17.000Z | ciodv5 | 1 | 2 | ptsd | I don’t even know if I should trust my own mind (TW: mentions of partner abuse and child abuse) | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ciodv5/i_dont_even_know_if_i_should_trust_my_own_mind_tw/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-27T22:06:44.000Z | cinnp1 | 4 | 0 | ptsd | What is wrong with me ? | 0.5 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cinnp1/what_is_wrong_with_me/ |
throwaway0706199 | Last week I had a flashback in the shower and since then I haven’t been able to take a shower peacefully and without having extreme anxiety. Today I took one and I almost didn’t have any anxiety.
Just sharing a little victory :) | 2019-07-27T20:53:46.000Z | cimtdl | 5 | 127 | ptsd | Showered with almost no anxiety today! | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cimtdl/showered_with_almost_no_anxiety_today/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-27T19:05:32.000Z | cilig1 | 3 | 6 | ptsd | A commitment to getting help | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cilig1/a_commitment_to_getting_help/ |
Salmon_Of_Iniquity | It wasn’t fair. You didn’t ask for this. Yet here you are. Suffering.
I, like you, suffer also. But I found something beautiful and warm and I want to give it to you, to bring you hope.
Close your eyes, friend and notice your breath as you breath deep.
You did that. You chose to breath. It doesn’t seem like much, does it? Maybe stupid? Farcical?
No. Oh no. Not at all friend. You just did something mighty. You used your agency to breath.
Yet while you are in pain you can still choose. You have agency and you can still use that instrument to claw your way out of this present madness.
You can choose to listen to the uplifting music, to go to therapy, to viciously rebel against the cruelty by turning your face to the sun with you eyes closed and feel it’s warmth.
It’s been 5 years of therapy for me. Learning to manage my symptoms while trying to be a dad; apologizing to my kids when I’m triggered; doing repairative work when I screw up; making art when I don’t want to; choosing love when the easy choice is to walk away.
If I can do this at 50 then it’s entirely within the realm of hopeful possibility for you to do the work to recover and gain the live you deserve.
Therapy is just hard work and you already know how to do that.
You got this. | 2019-07-27T15:00:52.000Z | ciihqz | 7 | 30 | ptsd | Yet we rise. | 0.94 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ciihqz/yet_we_rise/ |
blame_stamos | Hi everyone. My wife and I have been experiencing some PTSD over the past 2 years. Our daughter was born a trimester prematurely and we had a 10 month NICU stay. Our daughter's home now but since we are responsible for her care, which is quite intensive since she is on a ventilator, we are constantly on high alert, day and night. We've had a lot of scary moments at home.
We do not have a night nurse half of the week and so my wife and I need to take turns staying up. Since I work, I go to bed at 9:00 and wake up at 3:00 a.m. and then my wife can go to sleep until 10:00 a.m. Over the past two months however, She has been unable to get more than 2 hours of sleep, if that.
She is incredibly exhausted and has a hard time getting through the day. Even on nights when we do have a night nurse it's difficult for her to get a good night's rest. She has recently had a QEEG and has been prescribed many different meds including Xanax and Valium, among others. Nothing seems to be working for her. She might get an hour or two and then her eyes will open and her heart will race and she won't be able to fall back asleep. She is in a very fragile place right now.
Looking for advice. Thank you. | 2019-07-27T14:36:18.000Z | cii7tm | 3 | 2 | ptsd | Insomnia, Meds Not Helping | 0.75 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cii7tm/insomnia_meds_not_helping/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-27T14:21:32.000Z | cii23k | 0 | 1 | ptsd | Depressed. | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cii23k/depressed/ |
soilderkingpoet__ | It’s so tiring, i hate it, I don’t want to be reminded of the fucking hell i lived in while serving
i hate the fact that they mention my prosthetic, and they mention what happened to me over and over again
i tell them to stop, they never do
they try to drag me out for fireworks, saying “it’s not THAT BAD!!”
my only escape was the army, it hurts too much to go back
i want a personality other than “solider”
i’m so tired...i hate this so much...i’m tired of being constantly reminded of the shit i had faced | 2019-07-27T13:39:07.000Z | cihm32 | 7 | 5 | ptsd | My family will never stop bragging about how i was in the army | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cihm32/my_family_will_never_stop_bragging_about_how_i/ |
tigalicious | Sleeping with another human in the room is a big struggle for me. Even worse if I'm sharing a bed with them. And even worse with a *new* person.
But I had my first sleepover with my girlfriend! We only held hands, and then I cried and we built a blanket wall so we wouldn't have any accidental skin-to-skin contact. But then I successfully fell asleep and slept through the night! I almost always have to sneak off to the couch, either because I can't get to sleep at all or because I woke up in the night and freaked out. But I'm very pleased today. Just had to share my excitement with people who understand. | 2019-07-27T13:38:41.000Z | cihlxz | 15 | 191 | ptsd | I successfully had a sleepover! | 0.99 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cihlxz/i_successfully_had_a_sleepover/ |
girlpearl | My only friend in the world since we were 12 (now 24) was going to move in with me. She was supposed to come see the place at some point but then I saw a comment on her fb of some random dude saying "can't wait to move in with you!"
I messaged her asking if she was not moving in and we got into a huge fight about how I felt it was unfair that I had to find out that way and her telling me excuses about the landlord I had never heard of like move in date problems, her being nervous about not having seen the house yet and apparently that was actually her telling me "I can't move in" so in her mind she already told me she wasn't coming, and this weird thing she told me where the landlord apparently he called her a bicycle and said she was his long lost somebody... I've been living here for 5 years and my landlord has never been even remotely creepy and is totally sane. I asked her for context but she just kept the argument going and didn't give me context even thought I told her this seriously concerns me and dispite fighting she should either send me screenshots or give me context so I feel safe.
In the end she said I was making an enemy out of her by not being happy for her that she found a place and that she doesn't even know if I'm her friend because of how I messaged her while she's feeling super emotional. (She has BPD, moving stress, new job stress)
I have serious trust issues so when I saw the random fb comment about moving in I just flipped out. Apparently it cost me my only friend in the world. Mental illness fucking sucks. | 2019-07-27T12:07:29.000Z | cigqo9 | 6 | 3 | ptsd | I lost my only friend because I flipped out... | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cigqo9/i_lost_my_only_friend_because_i_flipped_out/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-27T11:52:41.000Z | cigly5 | 10 | 15 | ptsd | How can I POLITELY let others know how serious PTSD is? | 0.95 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cigly5/how_can_i_politely_let_others_know_how_serious/ |
HopefulLesbian | Okay, so you may or may not recognize me as the one who asked if I was actually valid for having ptsd since I only worked a small amount of time as an emt. Thank you for your support. For those of you who have had ptsd for a while, I would like a few pointers for my particular situation. (On mobile so my apologies) tl/dr at bottom. Thank you all!
My girlfriend had a seizure last week while I was at work, or we are all 99.99% sure it was a seizure since no one was there to witness it. I got a call from the university police saying she was at the hospital. When I got there, it was a hospital I had had some pretty tough clinicals in. That was the start where I began to have "intense recollection" as my therapist put it. I was no help either because my brain was in self-preservation mode to keep me from losing it in there...I felt horrible. On top of that, during the seizure, she managed to break her shoulder. Joint and humeral head.
This wouldn't normally be a big deal, but she needs surgery and I know I'm going to be really stressed during it. So there's that. But today was really bad. She decided to give candy to those who helped her out, but I didn't want to go. I didn't want to be at the building at all. We went in and she talked to a coworker who told her details she didn't remember. She started to tell me and I told her I didn't want to know. I asked a few times and she still told me...which I understand. It was traumatic for her too and she has a right to tell someone, especially her girlfriend. But these details were terrifying, like she didn't know who she was and she was scared and looked really rough.
The weird thing is that I was having a sort of reaction where my brain, even though I wasn't there, was acting as if I had seen it. It was a really fucked up imaginative scene, is the best way to describe it. It's almost like I could see her seizing and being alone and scared and not knowing what's going on. It's really getting to me. It's not like I don't want to take care of her, I do, and I will continue to, but it's getting to be a little much when I keep seeing the same thing every time I help her with her sling. I'm scared that the surgery is going to be the thing that sets me off and I can't afford for that to happen. I just want to be there and for some reason I'm not letting myself be there for her. I feel horrible.
I do have therapy in 2 weeks since I had to cancel for her mri consult. But until then, I was wondering if any of you have any idea on how I could keep this in check until I'm able to let it out appropriately since I can't really let it out for a hot while?
TL/DR: girlfriend's brain decided to do the electric slide and she was told terrifying details, which triggered me, but I have to be able to take care of her and my ptsd won't let me do that. How do I keep it in check so I can take care of her? | 2019-07-27T07:47:52.000Z | cierx7 | 4 | 3 | ptsd | How can I keep my ptsd in check when I'm taking care of a loved one who suffered trauma that, unsurprisingly, triggers me. | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cierx7/how_can_i_keep_my_ptsd_in_check_when_im_taking/ |
kairosc | I never saw him again. He moved in with his girlfriend the night he left, they are raising her 2 children.
I attempted contact for a few months. I served him divorce papers. I spent 30 days in jail fighting stalking charges for attempting to reach contact.
Will it ever stop hurting?
Will I always live in a constant cycle of confusion, frustration and fear? | 2019-07-27T06:55:34.000Z | cied1t | 4 | 15 | ptsd | My husband ghosted me 16 months ago | 0.89 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cied1t/my_husband_ghosted_me_16_months_ago/ |
Voldo_ate_my_sister | So things in my life are hectic but things are actually coming up Milhouse for once. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, watching my 6 waiting for it to all crumble. Help. How do you stop this thought process? Something awesome just happened and all I wanna do is hide bc I know for a fucking fact it’s all gonna go and I don’t deserve it. I worked so so hard for all of it. What do you do to not ruin it? | 2019-07-27T06:07:41.000Z | cidzag | 9 | 22 | ptsd | Something good is happening. it’s fucking terrifying | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cidzag/something_good_is_happening_its_fucking_terrifying/ |
chey_1997 | I was diagnosed around this time last year with ptsd. I didn’t tell anyone in my family because I felt like I was better off keeping it to myself. I told my dad about 2 months after I was diagnosed and instantly regretted it. He didn’t seem to understand (and still doesn’t). I feel like he thinks I’m just being over-dramatic about it, but I know it really messed me up mentally and I still have frequent nightmares because of it. My doctor wants me to see a therapist (for this and other reasons) but I have a really hard time opening up to people and telling them how I feel without being judged or feeling uncomfortable. Any tips/ advice? I want to try therapy but I’m just super nervous to talk about it because I don’t want to relive it all over again out loud | 2019-07-27T05:59:05.000Z | cidwn8 | 4 | 7 | ptsd | I need advice | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cidwn8/i_need_advice/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-27T05:36:31.000Z | cidpxu | 9 | 16 | ptsd | Anyone scared of touch/relationships? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cidpxu/anyone_scared_of_touchrelationships/ |
sassinash | I have been recently diagnosed with severe anxiety, depression, and PTSD! I have tried therapy and they make me feel pathetic and that I’m worthless! And my husband has done every thing he can to help but he is at a lose! I am currently on meds but my dr suggested getting start in therapy again and maybe listening to podcast! I don’t know what to listen to or anything to do to get me out of this awful place I’m in but I need your help!!! | 2019-07-27T03:10:40.000Z | cicfvd | 7 | 3 | ptsd | New to PTSD! And I need help | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cicfvd/new_to_ptsd_and_i_need_help/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-27T02:35:52.000Z | cic40c | 2 | 1 | ptsd | Nightmares | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cic40c/nightmares/ |
hotkokoxo | Okay, so little backstory, as a trauma survivor and PTSD sufferer: my mother was young and almost stuck a knife in my head when I was four months old, and her and my father fought each other physically all the time , and I have lived in the foster care system and been dehumanized, abused (sexually, mentally, physically, emotionally, and neglected) ostracized as a small child as a way to manage my behaviour, poorly socialized, locked in rooms by myself both in school and at home, and was consistently doing anything to get attention and escape my home life by being a class clown, but my tantrums got me removed from normal school. I was restrained in the wrong sort of way at group homes - my tiny body was sat on top of by two very large adults whenever they deemed me unsafe to myself or others. I have been screamed at since in diapers, told I’m too much and people were tired of me, and sadly already knew how to tell when I was gonna be discarded and moved at the young age of four or five years old. My behaviour was cold, cruel, merciless and angry, but instead of helping me, I was taken to psychologists and medicated at the age of five. I was terrified of the nightmares, and didn’t want to be ushered into sleep by pills, due to my insomnia. I had been having nightmares from a toddler to about fourteen years old, dreams that were so terrifying that I would stay up the rest of the night to avoid having another. Then as I got older I got more mentally unstable, and my teenage years I was moved abruptly back into a group home, where I suffered horrific abuse from a narcissist who pretty much DESTROYED me and made it almost impossible to live with my own thoughts and be kind to myself. She manipulated me so badly, made me see everything in a deranged way, like telling me boys would never like me because of who I was, or that my biological brother sexually assaulting me in the basement of my moms house during an overnight visit was in some way MY fault, stopping me from taking him to court. She would ground me at 18 years old, mentally abuse me so badly, gaslight me, shout at me to assert dominance in front of other kids, tell the staff to be abusive to me and that they could not console me when I was crying, control MY OWN BANK ACCOUNT and social media (demanding all the passwords) and shout SO MUCH AT ME and laugh mockingly when I would cry. She got her hooks in me when I went insane in 2015, during my Grade Eleven year, which she gaslighted me and had me admitted at least twice to the psych ward and told me I scared my mother when I called her on the phone, and later told everyone I’d faked the whole thing. She also told my mother I didn’t want to talk to her after my brother’s sexual assault and told me my mom wanted nothing to do with me also, causing me to feel hurt and destroyed. I almost didn’t graduate high school. Being dependent on her in that time frame caused her to take control - she had a perfect opportunity. And she made me cry, gave me the silent treatment, and made me beg her and apologize when I’d done nothing but stick up for myself, which she didn’t like. Eventually she was fired, but the damage was done - 3 years of living with traumatized children and a narcissist ruling us all, peeing in buckets in our rooms because we were too afraid to breach the alarms on our doors to go to the toilet for fear she’d get mad.
Now that that’s over, I am out of the system, but I never actually realized how messed up years of moving, being given up on, abused, and lied to about who my parents really were and having the truth hid and skewed from me forever. Now that I have all the answers and an actual REAL diagnosis at last, I am struggling to just get out of bed, and turn my light on, unlock my door and go outside. When I’m out, I’m lifeless, dissociating and I JUST CANNOT STOP dissociating and everyone tells me I need to try and stop but I can’t. I’m so emotionally numb and these disgusting thoughts towards myself prove to actually be heartbreaking and so WRONG when I share them with others. I love myself, and am very confident and happy by nature, so it is hard for even me to understand why I can be so cruel to myself. Besides being emotionally numb, I sleep for like six hours if I close my eyes during the day, don’t care to eat even if I’m starving, and I feel no hope for the future and make impulsive life choices and then hate myself for all of them. I feel as though I’m too much for my friends and that they don’t REALLY love me, despite them constantly telling and proving otherwise. And when I went off my Zoloft for the entirety of June, I had the scariest thoughts, and yes, suicidal thoughts, shakes, and irritability also. Nobody seems to understand why I do what I do, at least those in close proximity to me on a day to day basis. I am in trauma counselling and it’s once a month, and when I check off how many days a month I’ve felt this way at the clinic I now don’t lie - 30 days out of 30 I’m so lifeless and numb, with occasional times where I’m alive or pretending to be. I am very open about my mental health but I assume people think I’m WAY stronger than I am. Honestly, I feel like a walking corpse 99% of the time, and when I don’t - I feel so much that I want to lick myself in my room or a bathroom stall. I don’t know, I hide it so well, I am so present when I’m with my friends and loved ones, but even writing this? I’m dissociating. I don’t know how I’m writing this but it’s cool. I just wanted to share. The system is broken and I’m not the only one, but I got broken too, and none of it was my fault I know this. | 2019-07-27T02:25:30.000Z | cic0j2 | 1 | 2 | ptsd | it’s getting really hard to pretend I’m alive | 0.75 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cic0j2/its_getting_really_hard_to_pretend_im_alive/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-27T01:36:49.000Z | cibjki | 20 | 40 | ptsd | I freaked out at kids Scooby Doo graham cracker snacks, and also, do you 420? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cibjki/i_freaked_out_at_kids_scooby_doo_graham_cracker/ |
ImThatMelanin | i was diagnosed a few weeks ago due to an abusive dad and being raped as a child by my uncle. the flashbacks are so frequent and won’t go away and it seems like my only escape is through death. i don’t know how to deal with ptsd, i didn’t even have it awhile ago and it’s so horrible now that even my thoughts scare me.
all i hear in my mind is “kill yourself, it’s the only escape from them” “go pick up that knife”
it’s all so bad i wanna tear my hair out, i don’t get it, i don’t get why it had to be me...i’m tired and the urges are so strong and there are so many options i can do it and now i feel like i can’t trust myself...i’m so scared. so fucking scared. | 2019-07-27T01:25:06.000Z | cibfbb | 5 | 2 | ptsd | my mind is against me... (16F, TRIGGER WARNING) | 0.75 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cibfbb/my_mind_is_against_me_16f_trigger_warning/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-27T01:12:13.000Z | cibakf | 2 | 1 | ptsd | my mind is against me... (16F) | 0.66 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cibakf/my_mind_is_against_me_16f/ |
blondeitem | i broke up with him last september and i periodically check his vent blog to make sure he's not coming after me I checked today and found a letter to me, I'm so confused im gaslighting myself at this point, or maybe he really wasnt bad and im just a psycho bitch,, it's long but can someone pls read this and tell me what they think.
​
"it’s becoming so so bittersweet, especially since owning the character again. **(we're both artists and had characters that we drew together and tldr my character was my baby and after i finally left him since my character was in his name he sold her as like a final fuck you to me)** i regret selling her, i’m glad i was able to buy her back. it’s been almost a year since we’ve talked but god i miss you. i wrote this on your birthday,,,, just nostalgic tonight so i’ll throw it out there. idk, possibly with some hope you check this blog still. probably not. i hope not, you’re better than that.
hey pan **(the name of my character)**. happy birthday. i didn’t realize it was today until just now. anyways, you were a different kind of love than i’ve ever felt. i miss you, i really do. i think you have a boyfriend and i hope so. **His Name**? **(i do)** i hope so. i hope you’re doing well. i check your pinterest sometimes :) it’s all i ever wanted for you, to be okay and do well. i loved you with everything i had and i’m sorry i didn’t treat you like you deserved. you didn’t always treat me well either. you were what i needed and you made me what i am. you gave me a reason to live and convinced me that i’m capable of love. i dated someone, after you. i think we only started dating because i missed you so much. it ended really badly, he turned out to be a cunt and a mistake. you and i ended badly. i think it was my fault mostly. i still love you, just so you know. i’m not in love with you, at least i hope i’m not. i’m not. but you gave me back something that i thought i had lost forever and that was the ability to be loved. i know you loved me. we just,,, were a lethal combination, like that wombats song. i don’t get sick when i think about you with someone else, i really hope you’re happy. you deserve it so much. i hope you’ve learned how to love yourself. i’m still working on it. i still don’t know how to be loved, and i’m wrestling with that. i know i’m gonna be okay. i feel like crying right now. i miss you so much. happy birthday pan, you made it to 18. our last date was such a good day even though half the museum was closed :,) we played the arcana too ! i still love that game. i miss you. thank you, pan. i’ll always love you and always miss you. maybe some day i can reach out and it be okay. i don’t think that would be good though. you don’t hurt me anymore, the thought of you. i hope you remember the good times with me rather than the bad. there were so many good times. i hope your wrist finally healed. that was the moment i fell in love with you, yknow. fucking crazy. i hope you’re happy. i truly do. i couldn’t be what you needed or wanted and i’m sorry. i’m sorry i was so controlling and restricting and just,,, scared. i’m sorry i didn’t trust you. i hope you can forgive it all one day. you’re so beautiful, inside and out. always have been and always will be. i know you’re going to do amazing things. happy birthday sunshine
anyways i just ,,, idk. i miss her? so so so many songs remind me of pan oh my god ! it’s good now though. i hope her doing well. i hope she gets all the tattoos she wants. i just hope she's happy and that i can get there too."
​
i showed the letter to my friend who was there through our relationship, she never met him but she was my confidant i told her pretty much everything. she said hes a psycho and to ignore it, but im scared i cant even trust her because she only knows my side of the story and im unintentionally manipulating her. | 2019-07-26T23:40:13.000Z | ciabkm | 3 | 3 | ptsd | My abusive ex wrote me a letter i dont know what to think- help | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ciabkm/my_abusive_ex_wrote_me_a_letter_i_dont_know_what/ |
cman_the_bartard | Best friend and srg died died from a IED I almost lost my right arm and I’m extremely paranoid all the time I just can’t do do I still cope after spending 3 years in infantry as being half Iraqi Chaldean my mothers side and I still hate these people cause the killed my friends or tried to and I spoke the language been speaking it since I could talk it was spoken in the House but unless you’re family I don’t trust you and I can’t let people get close cause nobody would understand and think I’m crazy my therapist and and dr have said I PTSD I just think it’s normal to sleep with a gun it was SOP for military not on huge bases or like me stuck on a firebase or sleeping in houses where usually I was awake with my weapon in hand safety off cause I’d have to stay with family to watch to interpret it sucked i still have nightmares and night terrors and forth of July I blacked out on Xanax and my sister told me I was hiding cursing these fucking savages cause I thought it was a rocket or mortar attack the fucked up cause I need benzodiazepines to sleep and not dream but I can’t be bugging out around my sister and her babies I live with them | 2019-07-26T22:59:55.000Z | ci9v5k | 2 | 1 | ptsd | Vet who still can’t do it anymore | 0.67 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ci9v5k/vet_who_still_cant_do_it_anymore/ |
MidnaTheWise | Do you ever feel like you're losing your fucking mind? Because I do sometimes. My anxiety comes out physically through when I'm aware of it and sometimes I'm not.
I was experiencing tingling in my arms from the effects of my medication I was on (last year) and I thought I was having a heart attack that I hyperventilated, almost passing out. Other times, tingling from maybe wearing a hair tie for too long gives me anxiety (stroke.) I have poor posture and it affected my back so when I sit, my back felt like a "burning sensation" that went away when I stood up. Immediately thought of Gilda Radner who realized she had cancer from pain (mine didn't hurt.)
But all of this combined gives me the worst anxiety. But when I work through it with my therapist, eventually the physical symptoms just...stop?
Anyone ever experience reoccurring symptoms? I even went to a neurologist who said my symptoms were somatic. | 2019-07-26T20:47:02.000Z | ci89x5 | 4 | 6 | ptsd | The physical effects of PTSD & anxiety | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ci89x5/the_physical_effects_of_ptsd_anxiety/ |
[deleted] | [removed] | 2019-07-26T19:57:54.000Z | ci7njt | 1 | 2 | ptsd | Should I tell my friend that she might be suffering from PTSD? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ci7njt/should_i_tell_my_friend_that_she_might_be/ |
chronicallyjulian | I don't even have the energy for anything anymore. I've had nightmares consistently since I was young. 11, if I had to guess when it hit the point where it's worth mentioning. I've had numerous traumas in my life. I was bullied. My dad is emotionally abusive, but not in the way you'd think, he has problems of his own, he doesn't mean it. I suffered through my house being destroyed by Hurricane Sandy. I may have been sexually abused from ages 3-7 but I don't remember enough to say it's true. And I've been to the psych ward. My most recent stay was 7 months long. I was discharged January 18th, 2019.
Every night I have nightmares about the hospital. That I'm there again. I feel so guilty being out. I feel so much pain in remembering their faces. I feel so much pain in remembering my own. I can't look at simple, every day things, without remembering the stay. I saw things no one should. People choking themselves. Arms bloodied. Sometimes others, sometimes my own. Choking myself. Trying to figure out how to die. Crying in the shower. Slamming my fists against the walls and furniture. The banging of the doors. The alarms. The restraints. One girl tried to slit her throat. The staff were horrendous. Some were downright neglectful. Others were dismissive, rude, and harmful emotionally. I was told to get over it during meltdowns, since I'm a "big girl." So much happened. You're watched every single second. You're monitored. You're caged in. You're locked in. Several doors, several rooms, several walls, all concrete blocks.
And the nightmares never stop. Every night I'm back there in one way or another. Some nights it's about seeing them all again, embracing them, wanting to see them again, because I had a lot of emotionally responsibility dumped on me being not only better than the staff but the oldest patient on the ward. Other nights I'm screaming, crying, on replay of my own suffering. Other nights I dream that it has followed me to college. I see the staff there, I see the patients, and I hear the code alarms.
And it never stops. I'm scared to sleep. I just want to dream. Once. Just once. | 2019-07-26T18:32:59.000Z | ci6lzr | 5 | 5 | ptsd | The nightmares never end. [TRIGGER WARNING: Trauma, Suicide] | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ci6lzr/the_nightmares_never_end_trigger_warning_trauma/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-26T16:12:11.000Z | ci4uj4 | 4 | 5 | ptsd | Not doing great today. This week. This month. | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ci4uj4/not_doing_great_today_this_week_this_month/ |
annabelle_squirts | I've had PTSD for a few years now. It has gotten better in a lot of ways, but lately I'm finding myself struggling more than usual. Lots of hallucinations and paranoia. So my doctor started me on a new medication. Because of this new medication, I fell asleep at work. I was just fired for this. I am so bummed out. I really liked that job, even though I think it was partly why my symptoms were flaring up. I fucking hate being fired. :( I wish there was a cure for PTSD. | 2019-07-26T14:51:38.000Z | ci3to9 | 3 | 8 | ptsd | Just lost my job | 0.84 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ci3to9/just_lost_my_job/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-26T14:36:12.000Z | ci3mxm | 19 | 65 | ptsd | time to do something about it | 0.99 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ci3mxm/time_to_do_something_about_it/ |
avoidant_crybby | My family is a dysfunctional one. My father never was violent towards me or my brother (at least when we were child) but he was towards my mother, besides he did drugs and was kind of alcoholic since I can remember. I have really bad memories from early childhood and these memo- ries got worse and worse, I used to get paranoid over little details about him. I remember how he robbed my first kiss. I started avoiding contact with him, I didn't want him to hug me at all. I didn't know why. Then I started to have these horrible nightmares. Now I'm twenty years old but I still don't know why I dreamed that. I don't know if those dream could be repres sed memories. My therapist told me it was just my huge fear towards him manifesting in my sub- conscious mind, she told me that didn't happen, that people dream weird, scary stuff and that I didn't have to worry about that. I haven't told me or to touch nothing about these dreams to my psychiatrist yet. I don't know what to do, what to believe | 2019-07-26T12:06:26.000Z | ci211z | 1 | 3 | ptsd | I dreamed about my father raping me several times | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ci211z/i_dreamed_about_my_father_raping_me_several_times/ |
wicckedbitch | ⚠️ warning: I do tell details of some trauma so TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️
I recently started having flashbacks of my father’s abuse and psychopathic issues. I always repressed it in my brain and remembered it like it was a story/folktale. Of course, I’m very traumatized and I will get anxiety and feel dreadful of my life because of it. I have horrible dreams of him. I haven’t talked to him for about 3 years, he showed up to one of my aunt’s (mom’s side) choir recital- uninvited and told me to give him hug- of course I yelled no and ran out and had a panic attack. This happened almost a year ago, I’ve always been paranoid to see him in public or that he will follow/track/stalk me. I am not a perfect person, but I would say I’m living a lot better than some people who have been in traumas similar. After not talking to him for a few years, it disconnected me from some family members in fear that he would show up to family gatherings and such. Tomorrow, my bf and I are supposed to see my Aunt (dad’s side) and some other family members at a water park. Thinking of going alone made me anxious and gave me horrible flashbacks of different parts of my life where I have seen my father abuse other people in front of my eyes. I lived with my father’s 2737748th European girlfriend and she had a daughter and son around my age (F12) at the time (F11 and M15). One late night, my father got angry over a stupid xbox controller that he thought was broken, slammed it on the ground into pieces, looked for his girlfriends kids, the girl was taking a bath, he broke the locked door knob to both bathroom doors to terrify the girl while she was laying naked in the tub. He held the controller and wacked her with the wire and left. This made the brother come out to tell him to stop yelling at her and leave her alone, which ended up horribly. My dad yelled and punched walls and pushed the son into the game room. As all of this is happening, I’m following him around telling him he needs to stop and he needs to calm down and kept saying it’s not their fault. He starts to choke the 15 year old boy out, I could see his face turn purple and his eyes red in less than 3 seconds- his head looked like it was going to burst and His toes were basically the only thing touching the floor. I vividly remember that to this day (I’m 21 now). I remember him teaching his next european girlfriend how to drive because she never learned. He basically abused her while she was driving for her first time with me in the back seat. At that point I knew it was wrong and I actually punched him and hit him from the backseat and yelled STOP THAT’S NOT OKAY SHE’S DRIVING, DO NOT FUCKING HIT HER. And his reaction was silent, then later said I did a good job and that I deserve something nice and expensive (he was poor as shit- poor as in borrow-money-from-your-14-year-old-daughter poor). He thought I deserved fancy cowboy boots for defending his girlfriend from getting bashed in the head and almost causing us to crash. And lastly. A vision I remember so clearly. Probably the deepest one. When he was still with my mother. I have a half sister (different dads, same mom) from europe who I met when I was two. She protected me from a lot of the abuse. When I was maybe 5 my mom was working her ass off to get food on the table, and one night, my mom just couldn’t do dinner and my 10 year old sister was left to make dinner for me. She made plain angel hair spaghetti. I remember being told to stay in my room until someone told me it was okay to come out. When dinner was ready, my sister and I sat at the table with out spaghetti and apple juice. As I’m looking at her making jokes while there’s screaming and yelling 10 feet away from us. I just hear high pitch screaming from my mom, and I look over. He was dragging her by the hair on her head into their bedroom. I could just see my mom’s pain, immediately, my sister spit her apple juice into the spaghetti to make me laugh- which it did. The door was slammed shortly after. And I ended up pouring my whole glass of apple juice in mine just to be funny. But that image never left my mind.
I just had flashbacks and ptsd about those vivid moments and it made me anxious to see part of the family I once was a part of. (The only toxic part of the family that I know of is my father’s dad (deceased) my father’s mom (71) and my father (50 and almost deceased). I cut out my grandma because she could not believe us when we said he abused us and she continues to be manipulated by her own son who keeps telling her we don’t talk to him because he doesn’t give us money. (Which doesn’t make sense because he never had money to begin with).
I appreciate anyone who read this, please comment, I’ve never shared this before, especially in writing. Thank you for reading some bit of my trauma. | 2019-07-26T11:42:09.000Z | ci1sv6 | 11 | 10 | ptsd | Flashbacks | 0.92 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ci1sv6/flashbacks/ |
pessimisticff | Idk if it deserves the NSFW tag, but I can’t sleep and I need to get this off my chest, possible trigger warning. Recently I started having some issues pop up again, but it’s getting worse. I used to be able to go and have the occasional thought, or the nightmare re living moments. Then it went away. But the last couple weeks they are back. But this time worse. Anything from hearing a baby cry in Starbucks brings me back to what I could’ve done more to help with on a call. Or driving down the road, looking at my Girlfriend, and seeing a bloody body for a second. Or not being able to hold my best friends kid because idk if it would bring me back to a moment. What scares me the most is how if nobody else has experienced it, then they wouldn’t believe it. And I can’t talk to anyone, even my girlfriend about it, because they might not understand or call me crazy. I just don’t know what to do. I thought that “Hey, you’re young, you can deal with it. Those guys who have done this 30 years look fine. So you can look fine.” But all that this job has done to me is make me not want kids , or anyone to love so I can’t lose them. I just want to stop reliving the worst moments and things I’ve seen. But it’s just getting In the way of me enjoying life. | 2019-07-26T11:34:08.000Z | ci1q6m | 4 | 7 | ptsd | Having flashbacks that seem too real. | 0.83 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ci1q6m/having_flashbacks_that_seem_too_real/ |
criminy420 | Hey all. I’m just here to rant, feel free to comment support but I am NOT looking for advice on how to handle this situation legally/personally etc. I’m only prefacing my rant with this statement bc more than a few people have given me unsolicited advice on this matter.
So, I live in a small 4 unit complex. All units are friends of mine. We are like family. I trust them 100%. But under me are 4 businesses and one is a taco/beer place that just opened by two men in their 30s. I have never tried to talk to them previous to this bc honestly I didn’t like the vibes. Not only that but they are at war with one of my neighbors and the landlords, being generally disrespectful, noisy, threatening, etc. It comes of as if they really don’t care and think since they’re a business they have run of the place. I have lived here for 15 years.
I was home doing laundry after work in the afternoon. I had to switch my wash to the dryer so I headed downstairs with my dogs into my backyard where the laundry room is.
I walk up the walk way that’s between the laundry room and a shed that the restaurant uses. It has an entrance that gives them access to our yard in case of emergency. There’s electrical stuff there yadda yadda.
As I’m walking up I can see first through the laundry room window 2 pairs of my underwear laid flat on the washer where I did NOT leave them. I then have the shit scared out of me by some tall youngish guy wearing an apron and busser garb. He was in the door way and I nearly screamed. I stepped back to catch my breath and he’s saying “Oh, I am so sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.” Then I’m reading his face and can see fear in his eyes as I start to notice 4 pairs of my nicest underwear and he says “Uh I was told to clean the towels!! They instructed me to clean the towels!! That’s all!!” Then he runs back through the shed door. I realized he had moved my wet clothes to the dryer for but pulled out (only) 4 pairs of my nicest underwear (I’m non-binary but wear femme chonies) we’re laid out flat and one was rolled up in a ball next to them. And No he didn’t jerk it into them, but I do think he was going to take them. I look in the washer and there are towels from the restaurant in there.
So I’m sloooooooowly processing what I just saw. Firstly, the rule is that NO ONE is allowed out there from the taco place, nor are they allowed to wash their towels, plus they have a towel service. Secondly I’m telling myself the usual denial tactics “Maybe he thought he was doing me a favor.” 🙄 So I call literally 4 of my closest friends and my neighbor to make sure that my assessment as this being REALLY FUCKING CREEPY is real. It was real. Everyone told me the same thing. It was weird, scary, and inappropriate. And I know it is but my brain will not accept this.
This happened yesterday. Thank god I have people who can come over right away and I was able to have a emergency session with my therapist but I still had to miss some work and i don’t get sick leave bc I’m my own boss.
I won’t go into detail about how I went about dealing with this but I’m talking to the owners tmrw. I can already predict how it will be since they have downplayed this so much. But I’m ready to handle it and i don’t have a problem w confrontation.
I guess the ranty part is, is that my brain never wants to accept what I see or experience trauma wise. Then when it’s downplayed I sink into that hole further. Not only is this their fault for breaking the rules but they made me feel unsafe in my own home of 15 years. I wish i didn’t struggle back and forth with telling myself “YES THIS IS CREEPY”. It almost happens as an intrusive thought. And I feel like this is a core issue of why I freeze and deny what I can see is wrong. It’s really hard to stop.
Anyway, thanks to any who read. I just needed to write this out and this sub has been so helpful for that. | 2019-07-26T06:54:25.000Z | chzimv | 0 | 7 | ptsd | Need to vent. TW: invasion of privacy from stranger | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chzimv/need_to_vent_tw_invasion_of_privacy_from_stranger/ |
TheCeleryUwU | Lately, one of my friends from school who has PTSD has been acting a bit more erratically that usual. She had come over to my house and we had gotten tired and slept a bit. I had woken up and I had found her hand shaking and I’m pretty sure I saw a tear or two. I already tried talking to her about it since I have a similar situation but she avoids the subject. What should I do to help her out? | 2019-07-26T05:58:45.000Z | chz23i | 1 | 3 | ptsd | My friend’s anxiety | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chz23i/my_friends_anxiety/ |
untruthsteller | Hi there, I've been scrolling through here for a good half-hour now and I think i might be able to get some advice here.
I don't qualify as having PTSD, but I suffer from generalized anxiety, depression, and the occasional psychotic symptoms (usually triggered by extreme stress). I'm being treated for all of these things, but my therapist mentioned hyper-vigilance and survivors guilt and I figured I'd look into it myself. My current problem is similar to descriptions of hyper-vigilance, and I thought it might be worth asking about here.
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tw// suicide mentions, murder/suicide, gun violence, school shootings
A little bit of background: While I was in high school, I was intensely suicidal. It was really, really bad. On top of that, every year I attended (Freshman, Sophomore, and half of my Junior year) someone died. Two were plain suicides and one was a murder/suicide, in which a gun was brought on campus. I dropped out and got my GED and it's been a few years since, and I've decided to go to community college. I really want to be able to live comfortably. I want to learn and push forward and try to find which career I'd like to pursue, and since I'm just uncertain about everything (and can't work a retail job to save my life) junior college seems right.
As the date of my first class is getting closer, The anxiety about the situation keeps growing. I'm terrified that my hyper-vigilance is going to affect my work. In restaurants and at shows (like a friend's aerial arts performance) I cannot sit with my back to the door without either whipping around or having a panic attack. More recently it's been easier, but sometimes that's not even enough. Most classrooms are situated with student's backs to the door and if I have to keep examining the room and looking over my shoulder, I don't know what I'll do. Additionally, loud noises like objects being dropped scare the shit out of me and will throw me right into a loop if I can't quickly identify it.
I don't know how to cope in that situation. I don't know how I'm going to cope sitting on campus between classes without freaking out about the possibility of someone coming in to hurt me. I was hoping someone might have advice here, because honestly the way that I've coped up to this point is by facing the door or having my back to a wall and watching every new person that comes in the room until my brain is satisfied.
tl; dr: experiencing a symptom of PTSD without actual diagnosis/thinking i actually have PTSD, but am reaching out because of how one aspect of my anxiety behaves. I have a hard time coping with crowds and academic environments because I believe someone is going to hurt me (and others) and I go into a hyper-vigilant state, how could I cope with it when my usual methods won't be able to be used?
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ofc, I won't know how any suggestions will work until school actually starts, but I've been trying to think of some ideas just to calm down the current worrying about it. Any help or ideas are appreciated! | 2019-07-26T03:57:19.000Z | chxyhi | 2 | 2 | ptsd | Hyper-vigilance in the classroom | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chxyhi/hypervigilance_in_the_classroom/ |
icantkeepdoingthis8 | I’m just wondering if anyone has tried this and how it worked for you? Especially people with childhood trauma that wasn’t centered around a single event, but more an ongoing pattern of neglect or abuse, how did you choose one memory to start with? Have you done the protocol multiple times? My therapist wants me to do it, but it will be a financial burden for me and I guess I just want someone to tell me it is worth it. Thank you. | 2019-07-26T03:49:54.000Z | chxvyq | 3 | 2 | ptsd | RTM for complex trauma | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chxvyq/rtm_for_complex_trauma/ |
nemo1027 | I was diagnosed about a year and a half ago. Been in and out of therapy looking for someone I clicked with and finally got in with someone good. I’ve had flashbacks in the sense that I would constantly think about what happened, but now they seem so real. Like I feel like I’m actually in that room being held down again, and can see everything clearly. Therapy has given me some coping skills, but they don’t seem to work too well for this, so I was wondering how you guys deal with them? I’ll take as much advice as I can get | 2019-07-26T01:36:56.000Z | chwk9u | 4 | 2 | ptsd | How to cope with flashbacks? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chwk9u/how_to_cope_with_flashbacks/ |
tigalicious | My stepson is 11 years old, and we found out recently that he has been self-harming... We're doing all of the logistical things we can to help: he's set up with a therapist, we took him for a two-week visit so he could get away from things, and we're looking at moving him to another school for a fresh start socially.
But I keep going back and forth on whether I should tell him about my own struggles with self-harm and suicidal impulse. I don't know whether it would make him feel less alone, or make him feel more hopeless to know that adults who seem okay can feel that way too.
Can you help me decide? | 2019-07-26T00:17:12.000Z | chvq4m | 7 | 3 | ptsd | Need advice: should I tell my son? | 0.8 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chvq4m/need_advice_should_i_tell_my_son/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-25T22:20:36.000Z | chug30 | 0 | 2 | ptsd | Own brother won’t speak to me, dad passed away, mother never had custody. | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chug30/own_brother_wont_speak_to_me_dad_passed_away/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-25T22:01:42.000Z | chu7x6 | 0 | 1 | ptsd | I was just sexually assaulted | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chu7x6/i_was_just_sexually_assaulted/ |
ToxicRuby | So I have been struggling with ptsd for two years now, with therapy on and off but nothing seems to be helping as I cannot let out my emotions related to my trauma. The only times I really even feel my ptsd are when my boundaries are lowered AKA when I’m super drunk or on drugs. When this happens I get really intense panic attacks where I can see my trauma happening and I usually cry and yell my head off. I know I still have these emotions but I just can’t reach them when I’m sober. It’s like they are locked up somehow. Does anyone have any advice on how to access my trauma with my therapist or friends without having to be drunk? | 2019-07-25T21:57:51.000Z | chu688 | 0 | 2 | ptsd | Accessing emotion after trauma | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chu688/accessing_emotion_after_trauma/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-25T20:51:36.000Z | chtd5m | 3 | 5 | ptsd | it's complicated. | 0.86 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chtd5m/its_complicated/ |
arustydoorknob | I began getting help this year. I really wanted to take this new year to get better, and I have devoted it to just that. I had a fair share of appointments and mental health professionals and sessions, but I find myself slipping again today with skewed perceptions and suicidal thoughts. I figured hey, a few diagnoses, some medication, I don’t need any more treatment, I’m ready to move on with life right?
Wrong.
I now have a full schedule of other things because I thought keeping busy would be enough. I think I put the cart before the horse. I only got a little bit of help, and then tried to move on with life before I was truly done getting help.
I began stacking things on top of other things. I went back to school, began volunteering, hanging out with freinds, going to the dentist and all that other life crap.
And I find that now that it’s all happening and push came to shove... I am not ready for all this stuff I wanted to do.
I’m mad at myself. I should have gotten more and finished treatment before trying to jump back into life activities. | 2019-07-25T20:18:00.000Z | chsxqi | 0 | 3 | ptsd | I thought that keeping busy would help me recover, but I wasn’t done getting help yet. | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chsxqi/i_thought_that_keeping_busy_would_help_me_recover/ |
[deleted] | Hi all,
​
Curious as to whether any of you have tried EMDR and, if so, have had any success with it? The psych I'm seeing mentioned it as an option especially since it doesn't require going into the full trauma 'narrative'. The issue I'm constantly having in therapy is being able to access these feelings that cause so many problems in real life. When I'm in the session, I feel like any traumatic experiences I've had don't actually belong to me- it's like a dream feeling, like it didn't really happen. So, back to the original question... did EMDR work for you? AND, if it did, how were you able to access those traumatic feelings? Please feel free to PM me. Thanks. | 2019-07-25T18:45:37.000Z | chrrpx | 1 | 1 | ptsd | EMDR? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chrrpx/emdr/ |
HopefulLesbian | Basically, I worked in ems for about 6 months, 3 years ago. I had a spontaneous onset, according to my therapist. But I don't feel valid enough for this to happen to me. I always thought, at least in first responder sense, that ptsd was for those who had been in it for years, not half of one. I was only 19 when I worked and I had seen some bad stuff, but I didn't think I had seen enough trauma for it to be traumatic to me. I just got diagnosed Tuesday and it's been messing with me since. I just don't feel like I'm valid enough for this diagnosis. I hope I don't offend anyone, as I know that ptsd affects everyone differently. I just don't think 6 months is long enough to have been affected by the calls. Thank you all, and all of you are incredibly strong! | 2019-07-25T18:34:54.000Z | chrmt8 | 5 | 12 | ptsd | I don't feel like I'm *valid* enough for my PTSD diagnosis... | 0.94 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chrmt8/i_dont_feel_like_im_valid_enough_for_my_ptsd/ |
roachcocktail | My dad sent me "the body keeps the score" awhile ago but I packed it up or gave it to a friend (can't remember) because I felt like he was trying to not do his part in him being a better person and me feeling safe. Ridiculous, I know. I'm working on the suspicion and jumping to conclusions lol. Anyway, how many of you found this book helpful? I'm considering looking harder or buying it again. | 2019-07-25T17:40:17.000Z | chqxay | 15 | 52 | ptsd | Do you guys recommend "The body keeps the score"? | 0.98 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chqxay/do_you_guys_recommend_the_body_keeps_the_score/ |
cman_the_bartard | “I want to die but I don’t want to hurt my self in process” I’m depressed all the time I have the worst nightmares I was in the military for 4 years until I was Medically discharged after our vehicle hit a IED the driver was killed I was. In the passenger seat and got fucked up pretty badly almost lost my right arm and I still can’t get those images of my best friend slowly dying out of my head no matter how hard I try | 2019-07-25T16:18:15.000Z | chpv62 | 9 | 20 | ptsd | I just can’t do it anymore | 0.96 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chpv62/i_just_cant_do_it_anymore/ |
LonelyAssignment | hi.i recently uncovered memories of my dad forcing his fingers into my mouth on lots of occasions,in the guise of checking my teeth (he was a dentist),which I feel was violating,and was sexual abuse as I did not consent,and hurt a lot.I believe it was digital rape because of comments he also made to me at that [time.Now](https://time.now/) im finding it hard to eat,and cry when I get hungry as I don't want to put something in my mouth.And when I have managed to eat,i feel sick afterwards.I also have this horrible permamently there disgust feeling towards my dad and myself,as I blame myself partly for the abuse,as he used to complain that my 'mouth was too small'.I also get this feeling in my mouth.Its hard to explain how that feels but its horrible.Does anyone else suffer with anything like this? | 2019-07-25T15:30:36.000Z | chp8u5 | 1 | 3 | ptsd | childhood sexual abuse | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chp8u5/childhood_sexual_abuse/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-25T15:24:35.000Z | chp610 | 4 | 1 | ptsd | *triggers?* I'm starting to think it never happened... | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chp610/triggers_im_starting_to_think_it_never_happened/ |
Albus_Percival | I have c-PTSD, and I have been feeling worse lately. My trauma was over several months, but it did start in the summer. I can’t actually remember the date it started, so I don’t even know if it’s around this time. I know I tend to feel sad in the fall (especially when it’s a really nice fall day and everything’s perfect) even though it’s my favorite season, and I assume it’s from trauma-related emotions/memories. Does anyone else have any experience with an anniversary effect for long term traumas? What have you guys noticed? | 2019-07-25T14:31:42.000Z | chofpv | 3 | 2 | ptsd | How does the anniversary effect work for complex PTSD? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chofpv/how_does_the_anniversary_effect_work_for_complex/ |
dapuma_amethyst | My older sister (older by over a decade) abused me as a kid.
I remember she was obsessed with Charles Manson's cult. Really, it was more than an obsession because, see, her friends also shared that same interest. She used what Manson put his followers through as a guide book. A documentary about the cult came on the tv, I hadn't been paying much notice to what had been on before it. Well, it was on and it caught my eye because, being an adult, it should be easier for me to learn about the methods used to abuse me, right? Maybe I was being an idiot, I think I was, because all they had to do was describe one of the ways he warped their minds using acid, it brought a lot back real quick.
The question pops up a lot, in my own head more than it has been asked of me; why didn't I go to my mother and tell her what was happening? Well, considering it was grooming and brainwashing to a child from ages [unknown]-6, I doubt anyone would even question much. Until I got older, I didn't. After that, manipulation came easy to her and it didn't take much to get me to do what she wanted. And I almost always would. I allowed things to happen to me even when I got older, until almost 17, just because I thought I had to. The mindgames, grooming, whatever, were very effective. There also happened to be the added bonus of my mom having mental illness and would often fall into rages. I loved her but was afraid of getting hurt because I was "being evil". Never told my dad either, that one's easier to explain, he wasn't hardly around.
I remember her trying to convince me to run away with her. I didn't want to go, I was a kid who never wanted to leave their mom like that, she left without me. Around that time, I think I got happier, getting sleep instead of being woke up nearly every night did me some good. Not feeling weird when I went to the bathroom (and in between) significantly lowered my stress throughout the day. I was a normal kid and it felt great. Then she came back for a bit, she'd found new drugs, and went back into her room down the hall. I was gonna be starting school for the first time soon and had been excited, I remember that. I also remember when she came and got me again. Things changed in the worst kinds of ways. It became more painful, more brutal and generally more sadistic.
Using drugs made it easier for her. Hell, maybe it became easier for me, too. I could numb out of pain sometimes, I'd be high off my ass and loving it until I had to puke. Looking back, a lot of what she gave me was what I'm almost sure was something opioid based. There were a few times, though, where it was a hallucinogenic substance and those times got scary. She convinced me she was wrestling with the demon in me because I had been possessed. She told me she was saving me. I'm a kid, I'm tripping on some shit, I believe her and allow myself to get hit when I focus on her. You see, I had to learn that she "was my savior" and we could never be separated because I'd die without her.
Why am I writing this here? I don't know, this was meant to be a throwaway account. Maybe I just need to talk about it somewhere and to someone. There are things I can't discuss with my gf since she also has PTSD from childhood trauma and this would probably set her off. I see my therapist tomorrow, so that's something. I'll quit rambling now, thanks for reading if you did. | 2019-07-25T14:11:00.000Z | cho5z1 | 1 | 2 | ptsd | It Was Her Guide Book (TW talks of abuse) | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cho5z1/it_was_her_guide_book_tw_talks_of_abuse/ |
SmellThisMilk | 2.5 years ago, I had a near death experience that landed me in a medically induced coma for 9 days. I thought 10 years had gone by when I woke up and I lost 30 pounds of muscle. That experiences also unlocked a lot of repressed memories for me. I was sleeping at most 4 hours a night, barely eating and I couldn't stand the company of others. I was a horrible wreck and barely able to function.
1.5 years after that experience, I was able to start therapy. I also went back to physical therapy and both of these therapists kept recommending a book to me about the impact PTSD has on us. It was written by a psychologist who has been treating trauma since the early 1970s, starting with Vietnam War veterans, moving on to specializing in treating people who have been physically or sexually abused as children.
It took me a long time to finally get this book. I was convinced the connection I had with my body was permanently altered because of this overwhelming experience. I could barely feel my left side, my throat was totally numb from the tube they had down my throat even 2 years later. The sheets of my bed made my skin crawl, reminding me of struggling weakly to move around in the hospital bed. I was too traumatized to believe relief was possible.
Then I started reading this book. Maybe this wont be everyone, but reading this book makes me think that what is happening to me is actually understandable, its manageable, its treatable and its **not permanent**. I can feel more now, things are getting better, its easier for me to de-escalate the tension and stress I feel on a daily basis.
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748 | 2019-07-25T11:57:59.000Z | chmpta | 25 | 152 | ptsd | "The Body Keeps the Score" My new favorite book | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chmpta/the_body_keeps_the_score_my_new_favorite_book/ |
G1bs0nNZ | I was diagnosed with PTSD early this year from CSA. On top of that I’ve been struggling with my mental health in serious ways since 2012, starting at the age of 18 where I was eventually treated for Bipolar Disorder and ADHD.
Since then I’ve experienced more and more in the way of mood episodes of increasing severity. In many ways however I am still coping so well and am in a high stress environment at my first full time job as a high school teacher in an isolated and economically limited community overburdened with social problems. I feel I do well, and I enjoy the work and it’s been noted as a protective factor for me.
Despite this, I’m struggling so much, and have gone through patterns of serious alcohol and cannabis abuse in addition to an overnight stay in an acute unit for suicidality, and my anxiety keeps knocking me down and preventing me from doing the prep work I need to. It’s 11:50pm and I need to be up in just over 5 hours.
I hate living like this. A month ago I was finally stable and things were seeming alright, but over my school holiday things went south again. I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this. I don’t enjoy being sober when I’m home alone. I still appreciate all the progress I’ve made, but this is unsustainable. I’m loosing my mind and this is all so shitty. I don’t want to live each day feeling a chronic anxiety I can’t shake and with how things are going I’m scared of sipping back into depression.
I have an appointment with my psychologist next week and have been receiving counselling too, but I’m losing the will to continue to work, and have a lot to do until then.
FUCK THIS SHIT. I hate it. I miss feeling like me | 2019-07-25T11:57:36.000Z | chmpoj | 1 | 2 | ptsd | Getting real tired of this shit, don’t really know how I can keep picking myself back up. | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chmpoj/getting_real_tired_of_this_shit_dont_really_know/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-25T04:04:56.000Z | chipxi | 1 | 3 | ptsd | Is this part of it? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chipxi/is_this_part_of_it/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-25T02:20:10.000Z | chhnl6 | 2 | 3 | ptsd | Acceptance is hard | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chhnl6/acceptance_is_hard/ |
bluesrosemary | Trigger warning***
I was sexually assaulted and mentally/emotionally abused by a partner over the course of two years when I was in high school. It’s been almost a decade and I have nightmares about him or rape in general at least once a week that I can remember, usually more. In the past year, I’ve started watching and reading porn that’s really rough and not always consensual. I know this is common for people who have been sexually assaulted, but I’m so fucking ashamed of it.
We finally stopped talking because he got sent to rehab and I told him not to text me anymore when he got out. Its been fully no contact this whole time. Part of me is beginning to wonder if it would be helpful at all to my recovery to let him know what he’s done to me, even if I don’t like his reaction. Will my symptoms get worse or better or stay the same? I’m just so tired and angry. | 2019-07-25T02:07:20.000Z | chhil2 | 2 | 1 | ptsd | Thinking about messaging the person who assaulted me | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chhil2/thinking_about_messaging_the_person_who_assaulted/ |
Knightof13 | [M20] I was diagnosed formally a few months ago after what is a decade since the event my therapist thinks sparked the trauma. (Childhood cancer) Finally after having a diagnosis so many things is just assumed we're parts of life or wrote off as bad days made so much sense. I finally had a word for what my panic attacks were and understood that my flashbacks and nightmares were more than just bad luck. What really felt like a "duh" moment was my attachment to Iron Man's character in the comics and MCU because I saw similarities that I just never connected to PTSD. Mind you I've gone entirely untreated until a few months ago, so until now I just lived day to day like it was normal, and was wondering if anyone else experienced a sense of self understanding or relief simply by getting diagnosed?
[Edit] A quick edit to thank everyone for the positive, open and helpful replies! It certainly helps to know you're not alone! | 2019-07-25T02:04:39.000Z | chhhjg | 23 | 63 | ptsd | Did getting formally diagnosed cause anything to "click for you" did confusing behaviors make sense suddenly, did you realize why you clung to certain characters or stories. | 0.99 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chhhjg/did_getting_formally_diagnosed_cause_anything_to/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-25T01:24:44.000Z | chh265 | 0 | 1 | ptsd | Currently having a panic attack... | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chh265/currently_having_a_panic_attack/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-25T01:01:10.000Z | chgt72 | 2 | 11 | ptsd | A Diagnosis | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chgt72/a_diagnosis/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-24T23:01:17.000Z | chfhba | 1 | 1 | ptsd | I find I get physical symptoms at the same time each day? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chfhba/i_find_i_get_physical_symptoms_at_the_same_time/ |
Becky-and-Momo | I hope this is encouraging for those of our community still struggling and those newly diagnosed. Before i say anything else I want to say that your PTSD and your journey is valid. Everyone’s journey is different and you deserve love, support and compassion during the hard months and years of recovery.
About a year ago I got diagnosed. I had no idea how long I would be suffering from this condition as it can be so different for everyone. I felt so discouraged as I had spent so much time overcoming depression and suicidal thinking before this. Getting traumatized and having a whole new condition to deal with was so discouraging.
I don’t believe I started from the beginning however, I still had skills from the last recovery that have aided me with this one.
I’ve been posting quite a bit on this forum for the last year as I have worked to overcome my PTSD. Today at my therapy session we went through the test and I no longer meet the requirements for PTSD. It feels good.
Thank you so much for all the support. You have all been a part of my recovery. | 2019-07-24T22:54:03.000Z | chfe9v | 5 | 12 | ptsd | Its been quite a journey to get to this. Im excited to share I no longer qualify as having PTSD. | 0.93 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chfe9v/its_been_quite_a_journey_to_get_to_this_im/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-24T22:28:00.000Z | chf2u0 | 4 | 4 | ptsd | Not Worthy | 0.84 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chf2u0/not_worthy/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-24T22:04:04.000Z | ches1n | 8 | 12 | ptsd | My PTSD symptoms are out of control right now. | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ches1n/my_ptsd_symptoms_are_out_of_control_right_now/ |
throwaway0706199 | Trigger warning for sexual assault.
I’m just gonna briefly tell my story. Five years ago I started dating an incredibly emotionally abusive guy (my first boyfriend at 16). He cheated, lied, insulted me, made me feel crazy, etc. I was a virgin at the time with no sexual experience. The first incident was when he parked the car on an abandoned dirt road and we got in the back and even though I kept saying no, he pressured me until I agreed to give him oral. A few weeks later he kept asking to have sex and I probably said “no” 100 times. He got increasingly more mad at me and ended up saying that he didn’t want to be with me anymore, giving me the silent treatment, etc. Eventually I was so afraid he would leave me that I just said yes. He ended up being really forceful with me and injuring my body because he took no care in my own well-being. Then he went in the other room, called my good friend, took me home, and then went and slept with her because she was better than me.
I stayed with him for months after that. Years later, once I acknowledged what happened I started to experience ptsd symptoms until they got so bad that now I see a psychologist. The symptoms have gotten worse over time.
Anyway. I always have this thought going through my head that people have seen wars and been violently assaulted and I’m over here traumatized over something I said “yes” to. I said yes. I put myself in that position.
I can’t help but feel like I shouldn’t be struggling the way I am. Sometimes I have a few days or a week where I feel okay, and then I immediately think I was faking it the whole time. Then it hits me even harder the next time around and I’m completely crippled. I guess I just need to vent and maybe hear some words of encouragement. Thanks for listening if you read all of this. | 2019-07-24T21:33:37.000Z | chedo6 | 6 | 6 | ptsd | I feel like I don’t have a right to feel like this because it wasn’t “bad enough” | 0.88 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chedo6/i_feel_like_i_dont_have_a_right_to_feel_like_this/ |
stjordanxx | I’ve had ptsd for 2 and a half years from an event where I was violently raped. When I sought out legal action months later, my rapist committed suicide. I never got any sort of resolution to my trauma which still haunts me today.
Today at work in common conversation a coworker talking to me made a joke about rape and victim shaming. He knows nothing of what I went through but the jokes he made sent me into an absolute panic. My heart is racing and I feel like something is wrong with me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I’m just being sensitive or if this is something I should take to Human Resources and I just really need advice | 2019-07-24T20:09:48.000Z | chd9vp | 20 | 84 | ptsd | *possible triggers* my coworker acted very inappropriately and I don’t know what to do | 0.99 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chd9vp/possible_triggers_my_coworker_acted_very/ |
Mementolambo | hi all, so I have found myself in a relationship with a gorgeous woman with such a great heart and she happens to suffer from PTSD.
I just would like to know what I can text her or talk about when she is feeling anxious or depressed. | 2019-07-24T20:08:02.000Z | chd90h | 23 | 34 | ptsd | What to text my gf with ptsd | 0.93 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chd90h/what_to_text_my_gf_with_ptsd/ |
tamly8 | Hi everyone, this is my first time posting but I am just in need of some advice or clarity. I have been so anxious recently that I feel like I can’t trust anyone, including my family and closest friends. I question everything they say and think they must be lying to me. Even when I ask for advice about a situation, and their advice makes sense, I think “they must be lying to spare my feelings and the real answer must be (usually the worst case scenario).” It’s to the point where it’s negatively affecting my relationships with people. My boyfriend is really caring and supportive, and has really helped me sort through some complicated feelings, but it’s terrifying to think that my worldview is inaccurate and I truly do have extreme trust and anxiety issues. Has anyone else dealt with this realization?? I started thinking about it when my therapist told me the desired number on the depression/anxiety survey vs how high my number is, and I realized that some people just go about their day not feeling this like this. Can anyone relate?? | 2019-07-24T19:15:24.000Z | chckyb | 4 | 8 | ptsd | My trust issues are out of control | 0.91 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chckyb/my_trust_issues_are_out_of_control/ |
[deleted] | null | 2019-07-24T18:21:45.000Z | chbw2k | 2 | 4 | ptsd | I had my first kiss when I was 14. It was only a couple of months after the last time I was sexually assaulted and it triggered a flashback. I didn't even try to kiss anyone again until I was like 16 and I hate that my trauma ruined that for me. | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chbw2k/i_had_my_first_kiss_when_i_was_14_it_was_only_a/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-24T16:57:40.000Z | chasgr | 1 | 3 | ptsd | Fear or places where you’ve previously had flashbacks? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/chasgr/fear_or_places_where_youve_previously_had/ |
rainbowunicorn199 |
Throwaway account because my boyfriend follows me .
Hello, I’m not exactly sure this will be beneficial for me but I need to try I guess . From the age of 5 till the time I was 13 my cousin would touch me and his sister. Fingering us “playing doctor” telling us that since it hurt it was our fault and something was wrong with us. See my cousin was caught with his sister but since I was so embarrassed I never said a things leading to her getting the help and therapy she needed while I dwelled with this self hatred for allowing it to continue so long. I finally snapped and was hospitalized for trying to kill myself. I opened up to the psychiatrist as much as I felt comfortable doing. Which wasn’t much. Anyway I bounced between plenty of therapists before giving up on therapy all together I’ve never really learned a good way to cope. (I had my first thoughts of self harm again recently and that’s scary to me I don’t want to fall back down that path)
I recently got into a new relationship and I’ve never had a problem with this until recently. My mind likes to play this game where it twists the truth and so it has lead to a trust issue between me and my boyfriend. Which led to the flash backs returning, and it’s at very hard times like when we’re going to get intimate break down and start crying. Which makes me feel like complete shit as my boyfriend doesn’t deserve it. he’s very patient and understands since I opened up to him about what happened. He stops right away to make sure I’m ok I just don’t feel like it’s fair to him (or myself) Anyway I guess what I’m asking is how do I go about releasing this pent up trauma and how do I help myself cope? | 2019-07-24T14:19:42.000Z | ch8rz8 | 6 | 6 | ptsd | Advice | 0.88 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ch8rz8/advice/ |
some-velvet-morning | I battle with this a lot. I have a lot of childhood sexual trauma which I have yet to work through, but I plan on breeching the subject with my new therapist next week. I’m in my early 20s and I have never had sex. I’ve never even kissed anybody. I’ve never dated anyone. I rarely watch porn or look at anything remotely pornographic at all, because it’s a trigger for me. I’m also pretty sure I’m a lesbian, but I don’t know if I’m REALLY a lesbian or if I only want to be one because men have hurt and traumatized me so much, and seemingly ruined my life before it even began, so I can’t trust them in sexual matters anymore. So basically I’m completely at a loss in our hypersexualized world. It doesn’t help my recovery that whenever I walk out the door, no matter how modestly I dress, the shape of my body is pretty much the standard of sexuality and I really hate it. I get stared at, catcalled, I’ve even been assaulted, sometimes all of the above many times in the same day. It makes me wonder if sexuality isn’t just overrated. Why should I want anything to do with something that, at worst, ruined my life, and at best is just a really inconvenient pain in the ass? From my perspective it all just seems ridiculous anyway. Orgasms aren’t even all that great. It feels good for 5 seconds and then you forget all about it. Maybe I don’t want to “reclaim” my sexuality, maybe I just want to be left the hell alone. But then, trouble is I get so lonely... but I feel like I’ve been shoved out of the normal human experience, and all I can really do in response is spit back at the door and walk off alone. | 2019-07-24T12:17:21.000Z | ch7fq0 | 13 | 47 | ptsd | Reclaiming sexuality after trauma | 0.99 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ch7fq0/reclaiming_sexuality_after_trauma/ |
NeedMD4PTSDASAP | I don't want to make this long, but it's probably going to be.......My Service Dog is the only thing keeping me from killing myself and I can't take another shitty doctor. The last one put me on meds that made me paranoid and hallucinate, and I haven't gone back. I've seen several in the area, and they've all made me worse. I only had success was with one doctor where I used to live, but they're over 3 hours away now.
I'm on medicare for my PTSD, so I don't have money to waste on useless doctor appointments and medications that I know don't work, to start at the lowest possible dosage.
I'm losing control.
I can't control my emotions. I can't stop thinking about the trauma - all day every day, whether I'm awake or sleeping, I can't distract myself. I'll have a movie playing on my laptop while I'm simultaneously playing a computer game and an Xbox game, while playing fetch with my dog, and I still can't get it out of my mind.
I'm afraid of going out in public too, I've started having my groceries delivered, and the only other place I go is a local gas station like 2 miles away when I run out groceries or don't have it in me to make something for myself to eat. I've ordered delivery food, Pizza Hut or Papa John's and would eat it all week to avoid going to the grocery store, and when I did/do go, I do it at like 3 in the morning when no one is around.
I had to go to the allergist for my asthma, and I ended up having a severe breakdown in the office because my PTSD was unmedicated. I was supposed to have tests done for my asthma, but I can't go back there, I felt embarrassed, ashamed, and I'm afraid of having another one if I go back, so I've been using Amwell to refill my asthma prescriptions. I'd use Amwell for psychiatry but because of some bullshit DEA regulation that Congress only recently allowed to be changed (the Ryan Haight Act), they can't prescribe half the medications I need.
I've tried my general practitioner, but he's not comfortable managing psychiatric meds to being with, but particularly with how severe my PTSD is.
I've gone through the Medicare website to find a doctor, but most of them are major physicians' groups that aren't taking new patients - one of those being religiously affiliated who have my religion on file as atheist (accurate, and I disclosed it when I had received services through the hospital).
Every time I see a new doctor I have to relive the trauma explaining everything, usually twice (once with in-take, and then again with the doctor), which is so extensive it takes multiple appointments. That makes my PTSD worse before I even begin treatment, and they rarely even prescribe anything until the 2nd appointment, and even then they want me on their own custom cocktail of medications regardless of how they affected me, and at the starting dose to boot. The only anti-anxiety medication that works for me is Xanax, and I was at the maximum dose when it was effective (probably because it contributes to memory loss, so hit helped me forget the trauma). And doctors won't prescribe it because of the fucking opioid epidemic and all the doctors going to jail. Trazodone gives me RLS (restless legs) which keep me up doing the opposite of the purpose of taking it.
Every time I try and get help, I feel like Tantalus of Greek mythology, made to stand in a pool of water beneath a fruit tree with low branches, with the fruit ever eluding his grasp, and the water always receding before he could take a drink. Sometimes I think my first suicide attempt was successful and this is my hell...
Nobody listens, nothing works, and no matter what I do everything gets worse.
I can't take it. And I don't know what to do anymore. Every day is an epic battle to resist killing myself, and the only people that care are more interested in my wallet than my symptoms.
**TL;DR** How the hell do you find a competent doctor, one that will listen to you, one that is taking new patients, won't put you on meds that don't work and will put you meds that do work, and one that accepts medicare? | 2019-07-24T07:32:08.000Z | ch518m | 3 | 3 | ptsd | How do you find a competent psychiatrist? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ch518m/how_do_you_find_a_competent_psychiatrist/ |
[deleted] | I’ve had PTSD for over a year and it seems to be getting worse and more unbearable, and I don’t know why. It’s gotten to the point thinking about the future is very overwhelming because I know my condition will probably worsen within the next few months
I’ve been seeing a therapist but we haven’t done anything to help my flashbacks or trauma besides talk about it. It’s not really helping me at all. He said to do EMDR but there is a long wait. The pain is so unbearable | 2019-07-24T07:31:49.000Z | ch515o | 2 | 2 | ptsd | Does PTSD get worse if it’s left untreated? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ch515o/does_ptsd_get_worse_if_its_left_untreated/ |
starsonthatgirl | I'm at work rn, don't have my weighted blanket and I feel so unsafe.
No particular reason, I am physically safe where I am but I want to hide between my desk and the wall.
How do you guys feel safe? | 2019-07-24T00:27:26.000Z | ch0w0u | 15 | 6 | ptsd | How do you guys feel safe? | 0.88 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ch0w0u/how_do_you_guys_feel_safe/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-23T23:54:57.000Z | ch0iwj | 1 | 1 | ptsd | CPT for PTSD | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ch0iwj/cpt_for_ptsd/ |
downwiththeillness14 | I got to the frat house just before 4am. We had just seen a mutual friends band that night, and decided to meet up when we got back to town. He’d bought me a drink when we were out, so I offered to smoke him out. I went up to his room with him when I got there. We sat on the futon and smoked and did a little coke. I remember him bringing up sex, but I’m not sure how. We’d talked about our fantasies before and I’d told him a few months prior that I had some pretty rough ones. We’d never discussed acting them out though, nothing past that initial conversation. Definitely never came up with a safe word or even said what we’d be okay with. He said something about how I probably wouldn’t be able to handle him at his roughest, to which I remember replying that I wouldn’t be okay with being tied up due to recent past experiences. I told him I was too tired and he said “okay I’ll just hit up my other friend and fuck her because I need to cum before I go to sleep.” He was on his phone for a few minutes while I smoked some more and watched whatever was on the tv. Then he got up and asked if I was sure I didn’t want to fuck. This time I told him no again and gave him a reason: I’d already hooked up with my other friend earlier and definitely didn’t feel like doing it again. He asked when we’d had sex and I said before the show to which he replied “long enough for me.” Then he went and turned out the light. He sat on the futon again but this time much closer to me. I remember he started touching me and eventually fingering me. I remember thinking “okay you got this far but I’m about to shut this down.” Which wasn’t ever a problem for me before. I’d been hanging with more than a few guys before when they start something but I tell them to stop for whatever reason and they just do. Instead he just mocked me and continued. “Oh you really don’t want to?” He took off his belt and tied me up anyway, despite my saying I would never be okay with it. That didn’t last long though, I think because the way he tied me up was getting in his way so he just pinned me down instead. My wrists and forearms were bruised from that. He stayed on top of me for a while but then flipped me over and shoved my face in the pillow. I remember him pressing on the side of my head really hard, hard enough to do real damage which scared me even more. So I was just frozen I guess. I didn’t know how I was supposed to react. I remember trying to close my legs but he just pried them back open. Towards the end he told me I couldn’t even deny I liked it because I was wet. And added at the end “I don’t know I’m not any good at it.” Good at it? You think that I wanted you to act out some fantasy I’d mentioned in passing three months earlier? That’s the part I can’t get past. Did he really believe I wanted that or was he just gaslighting me to make me doubt myself and keep me quiet? We’d had consensual sex a week prior to this. Why not try to ‘act out’ this fantasy then? Was this really an ‘honest mistake’ type situation, or was that just part of his manipulation?
Obviously no one can answer these questions but him, but I can’t help thinking about it every single day. I have a lot of trouble believing the validity of my diagnosis because of this. Most of all I just really regret telling him any of it. I constantly compare our consensual sex with that night, noting the differences. I know what consensual sex is like with him, and this was completely different. And now I get to hear from other people that he’s still out there, doing these things. His ex gf has a restraining order against him. I have all this evidence of who he is and I just can’t get past that he might have made an honest mistake. Maybe he really thought I wanted him to do that? I didn’t though. At all. I feel stupid and broken. Thanks anyway for reading this far, it helps to not hold it all in. | 2019-07-23T23:26:47.000Z | ch07g5 | 5 | 2 | ptsd | My trauma story... | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ch07g5/my_trauma_story/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-23T19:38:47.000Z | cgxcqf | 2 | 2 | ptsd | Parenting and ptsd? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cgxcqf/parenting_and_ptsd/ |
DogsDogsDogs91 | Hello all. So I have a childish fear of the dark, even in my bedroom. I open my eyes like 20 times before I convince myself I am grueling safe in my own room. It's irrational and embarrassing. Does anyone have similar experiences? Or suggestions to get over this ? I have to sleep with a light on or I'm way to paranoid to relax enough to sleep. It's even worse when my partner is gone for the night. | 2019-07-23T19:14:21.000Z | cgx1bp | 6 | 7 | ptsd | Afraid of the dark | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cgx1bp/afraid_of_the_dark/ |
NightmaricInsanity | So it is 3amish here and like every night the flashbacks make sleep impossible, any advise on how to combat this? Running off 2-4 hours hours sleep every day is making the day time coping possibly worse than night. | 2019-07-23T17:17:31.000Z | cgvhn3 | 6 | 5 | ptsd | The late night problem | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cgvhn3/the_late_night_problem/ |
juniorasparagus13 | About eight months ago, I witnessed a fatal car crash where the driver was ejected and internally decapitated. I was a random passerby and the first person on the scene. I provided CPR and ran the code until the ambulance got there. I did everything I could but she died. Yesterday while driving home, I saw a car crash with the same type of car as the one that I provided cpr at. I got so triggered and drove past it without stopping to help because I thought that the ambulances going the other way were from that accident. But then I realized that the ambulance and cop cars were from a different accident about a mile ahead. I drove past a car crash where I would have been the first responder and could have possibly saved a life. I feel so awful, like I just killed someone. I’ve been having flashbacks and massive anxiety since then. I tried to reach out to friends, but no one answered... so I drank... a lot and restricted. I just don’t know how to sit with these feelings. | 2019-07-23T17:10:55.000Z | cgvej4 | 1 | 4 | ptsd | I didn’t stop and help | 0.84 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cgvej4/i_didnt_stop_and_help/ |
gingerandgiggles | So I’ve always had a hard time remembering things, but lately it’s become really bad. I also have started to feel like events have happened very recently or very far back in time; time also seems to go by extremely fast or horribly slowly. I don’t know if this is just a personal thing or related to my PTSD. | 2019-07-23T16:47:07.000Z | cgv2uy | 5 | 12 | ptsd | Bad with time and memory? | 0.94 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cgv2uy/bad_with_time_and_memory/ |
CelesticRose | I can rarely touch him. Rarely hug him. The other day was the first time in months I kissed him and I ended up having a flashback. Its probably been a year since we have done anything more than kissing. I miss it. My PTSD gets in the way. I want to be able to hold him again, kiss him again, feel love instead of fear when I'm with him, but I'm always tense and scared. I want to be able to do more than just kiss.
He would never hurt me, but before, I had the tendency to dissociate when I was scared and consent when I didnt actually want to because of this. I'm scared that will happen again. I'm scared I cant trust him or that he will hurt me or take advantage of me like my ex. After anything sexual, I get anxious, depressed, scared no matter how much I had wanted the encounter. I overthink and wonder if I actually did want to.
What do I do? I have a therapist. I'm taking medicine. None of it helps. I just want to feel safe again but my body and brain always perceive my boyfriend as a threat. I miss being intimate with him, but it's been years and nothing seems to help. | 2019-07-23T16:00:46.000Z | cgugpn | 10 | 67 | ptsd | How can I be intimate with my partner again? | 0.98 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cgugpn/how_can_i_be_intimate_with_my_partner_again/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-23T14:11:06.000Z | cgt3hq | 5 | 7 | ptsd | Ex-fiacee with PTSD | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cgt3hq/exfiacee_with_ptsd/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-23T13:36:01.000Z | cgsp17 | 5 | 1 | ptsd | How do you guys cope with insomnia and having typical working hours i.e., waking up at 6 or 7 am for your 8 am shift? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cgsp17/how_do_you_guys_cope_with_insomnia_and_having/ |
TheUncensoredTroll | Does it ever go away? It’s been 5 years since I left him and I still have nightmares that take over my whole day. Everything’s still so vivid and I feel like I’m constantly reliving everything after a nightmare. I don’t trust anyone, I don’t want to talk to people and I just slip into a whirl wind of dark thoughts and situations that wouldn’t happen.
I thought it would go away eventually, it would get better but it’s still there every day, every situation, every conversation I can feel it.
I wanna run away some days, leave everything and start over as a new person but I know it’ll follow. It always follows... | 2019-07-23T13:15:58.000Z | cgsh1p | 3 | 2 | ptsd | When does it get better? It’s been 5 years. | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cgsh1p/when_does_it_get_better_its_been_5_years/ |
paula-dawg | Disagreements with my partner freak me out - had one yesterday. Nothing too horrific, just one of those things we have to work on and are doing so but I feel so uneasy about them. I know at face value that Disagreements are natural, but I just feel as though he’s going to turn around and do something hurtful or abusive or violent even though it probably didn’t even cross his mind.
The anxiety of things like that drives me crazy. Tight feeling in my throat, panicky, crying, unable to sleep, blaming myself even though it wasn’t necessarily anything that I should have taken blame for.
I just feel as though it’s so ingrained into me that I should be a victim, because being a victim and submissive won’t hurt as much as being loud and assertive - which is basically what I saw as a child who witnessed domestic violence on a weekly basic.
I so want to trust my partner but on the other hand, I’m waiting for the penny to drop and for him to stop being so nice. It’s a difficult place to be in. | 2019-07-23T13:11:59.000Z | cgsfik | 1 | 3 | ptsd | Does anyone else feel the same way? | 0.81 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cgsfik/does_anyone_else_feel_the_same_way/ |
ChunkyMantra | I spent six months in a relationship with a man who turned out to be a textbook narcissist and verbally chewed me up and spit me out. No physical abuse but threats of it (he was an MMA fighter so... that.) and a master emotional manipulator.
TW, he also sexually assaulted me. I lost the ability to tell him no towards the end.
That was four years ago. I'm now in a very loving relationship, planning a wedding in September and miles and miles away physically and emotionally from that part of my life.
I've had interconnected dreams for the past two weeks that I wake up very upset from even though they're not nightmares. Basically, I go snooping to look up on him and find that he's in what appears to be a now perfect relationship for him. They're happy, not a single sign of distress, it outwardly looks normal. They live together, they're engaged, they've got pets...
Now last night I dreamt a continuation where they got pregnant and had a baby girl. I somehow got access to medical records and the more I read about this healthy, perfect woman and her pregnancy, the more terrified I got. I dreamt I found posts from him on reddit that friends of mine liked (we have no friends in common, so that's a weird thought) and I kept wanting to shout, "No! This isn't who he actually is!" -- THAT upsets me in all sorts of ways. I continually ask for understanding that people change, that I've grown and it feels disingenuous to not give him the same courtesy, even in my weird sleeping brain fantasy.
Last time I snooped irl (this was 5 months after it ended), I found out he was doing what he did to me to a new girl (there were 3 before me and then one after me... The pattern was there). I make it a point now not to look because I know this is just my brain searching for a reason, an A-HA moment that puts all the pieces together so I can reconcile what happened.
When I have these dreams, I wake up sick to my stomach that he's normal and living a seemingly gentle, domesticated life. Does this sound familiar for anyone? Do you wake up distressed from non-distressing subjects? | 2019-07-23T12:43:22.000Z | cgs4r1 | 1 | 3 | ptsd | C-PTSD nightmares about abuser being happy now? | 0.81 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cgs4r1/cptsd_nightmares_about_abuser_being_happy_now/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-23T07:52:46.000Z | cgpnb3 | 1 | 3 | ptsd | Recently Diagnosed and hopeless | 0.81 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cgpnb3/recently_diagnosed_and_hopeless/ |
rose_04 | it won’t go away, no matter how much i hurt myself, no matter how much i distract myself. i’m so fucking mad. he took away my childhood. i didn’t do anything to him and he took it from me. it’s not fair, i was little. i was so fucking young. | 2019-07-23T06:33:13.000Z | cgp05k | 2 | 7 | ptsd | its not fair | 0.9 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cgp05k/its_not_fair/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-23T04:52:36.000Z | cgo4g4 | 10 | 9 | ptsd | Im a gang member and im done with it. | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cgo4g4/im_a_gang_member_and_im_done_with_it/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-23T04:19:33.000Z | cgnti9 | 31 | 67 | ptsd | Is it weird I don’t like music anymore? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cgnti9/is_it_weird_i_dont_like_music_anymore/ |
ErnieBert36 |
So I know a lot of us have nightmares. I do too. Mine usually don’t center around my trauma, though.
If I’m close to a trauma-versary, then I might have more related nightmares. I was abused by a former partner, so those nightmares follow that kind of script.
The rest of the time, my nightmares are just random, horrible things my brain can think of. I don’t even know how I’m somehow thinking of these things to generate a nightmare. They’re nothing like my life, my trauma, or things I’ve seen/read during the day.
How do you all cope with your nightmares? I sometimes feel dazed for most of a day, or dissociated for hours after I wake from a nightmare. Meds aren’t currently an option for me, so non-medication suggestions are appreciated. | 2019-07-23T03:30:43.000Z | cgncg7 | 0 | 2 | ptsd | Seasons of Nightmares (TW: mention of past abuse w/no details) | 0.76 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cgncg7/seasons_of_nightmares_tw_mention_of_past_abuse/ |