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[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-08-01T23:31:40.000Z | ckw4qi | 3 | 2 | ptsd | PTSD outburst aftermaths... | 0.67 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckw4qi/ptsd_outburst_aftermaths/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-08-01T21:07:43.000Z | ckucii | 3 | 0 | ptsd | A question about PTSD | 0.5 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckucii/a_question_about_ptsd/ |
Mr_WhatsHisFace | I get to deal with a lot of clients at work (my company consults big corporations in long term projects), which is usually fine. I like my work.
Recently I've been assigned to a new client though who could be my abusive father's twin. Looks surprisingly similar, talks and behaves almost exactly like him. The first time I saw him, I had to excuse myself shortly as I was starting to have a panic attack in the meeting. I can't be assigned somewhere else right now, as there is noone else who could take this specific project. This sucks, I hope this project won't be derailed and I won't have to be there much longer...
Anyone else had similar experiences in professional settings? How did you cope in the moment? | 2019-08-01T16:44:33.000Z | ckqv7a | 2 | 3 | ptsd | Triggered at work | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckqv7a/triggered_at_work/ |
tobecontinued89 | I went through a lot of change recently and the last month I've been finding myself in a slippery slope towards getting hypersensitive to everything again. The past week it reached all time high and I almost didn't leave home, and rescheduled all meetings. This week I could keep rescheduling.
So few of the things I needed to do required me getting on a bus in peak hours, which I've been now totally fine with for years... And then bam, this week I'm all hypervigilant again. And being on the bus like that made me suddenly feel a heat wave and getting nauseous. I've been panicked before, but this got bad fast and had I not asked someone to take their seat I would have sat on the floor this is how quickly my knees gave out.
Someone on here recommended me a book for ptsd which I think will be helpful, and on one app I found the official ptsd workbook and I plan to go through both of these and do any exercises in them. There is mental health center I can go for free for counselling, just need to be a bit better. Last time I made the appointment I freaked out about the bus thing and couldn't go. But I will do my best to do it soon. Anything else I can do? I am really frustrated with myself. | 2019-08-01T15:49:16.000Z | ckq49e | 7 | 1 | ptsd | Almost fainted 3 times in crowd this week, not cool | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckq49e/almost_fainted_3_times_in_crowd_this_week_not_cool/ |
[deleted] | So, it finally happened yesterday...I caved and wore a t-shirt to work. My boss saw my arms and my side when I was getting something off the shelf. He saw that I was covered in scars and started asking questions. He knows I have PTSD, and I don't think he meant to be pushy and make me uncomfortable, but it was just rapid fire questions about them for about 5 minutes.
And then he showed me his scars. He told me how he got each one, and how he got over the trauma from them. He showed me his bullet wounds, his burns, and his knife wounds. And he told me not to get heatstroke by wearing sweaters all summer just for a few scars. We talked about his tattoos and what I would want to cover mine with.
Things are getting better. | 2019-08-01T14:50:19.000Z | ckpd1m | 39 | 810 | ptsd | My Boss Questioned my Scars | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckpd1m/my_boss_questioned_my_scars/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-08-01T13:21:42.000Z | ckob4o | 12 | 2 | ptsd | PTSD headaches treatment? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckob4o/ptsd_headaches_treatment/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-08-01T11:37:38.000Z | ckn7jp | 0 | 1 | ptsd | Stick Figure (reggae band) lyrics give me so much...hope, understanding, love and forgiveness | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckn7jp/stick_figure_reggae_band_lyrics_give_me_so/ |
[deleted] | Alright, this is something that has been troubling me and I needed to know if the rest of you have experienced anything similar. I ran into a person recently who I had a rather intense involvement with. Things between us had become violent and ended VERY badly. During the course of this, this person violated some very clearly laid barriers to consent. At the TIME, their behavior still seemed incredibly standard. Non-consent was no new thing for me and I had normalized it, and they also had a lot of anger at me for reasons I never entirely understood.
Flash forward a few years and I ,in a healthy and mature, loving, patient relationship for the first time in my life, run into this person again at a distance and am so OVERWHELMED with emotions that I cannot decide if I hate them, miss them, am experiencing regret or if I am still secretly in love with them. I suffered such incredible guilt for days and different scenarios played through my head; in which we talked things through, or made up, or got into an even bigger fight. it all felt so REAL, like I was living this thing that had not happened and feeling guilty because my conflicted emotions were tearing me apart. I was no longer sure if I loved my boyfriend, even.
I talked through my confusion with a friend for a couple of days, and during the course of it put together a rather unseemly attempt to violate consent that had back THEN gone unnoticed by me. Pieces started falling into place. I realized that I had yet again shaded the truth about his actions towards me and had not accepted them for what they were. The feelings were so intense I almost threw up, and as soon as I remembered and understood the part they played in my trauma, it was like I could no longer lie to myself. I knew at once how deeply angry and traumatized I really felt and all the fake "love" feelings, the "infatuation", the "nostalgia"......instantly vanished, and I remembered how much I truly love my boyfriend.
So my question to you all is this: do you get so confused about the intensity of feeling towards your abusers that you struggle to admit to yourself that you do not and cannot love them? Do you confuse your feelings of anger, betrayal, and trauma for romantic ones? This isn't the first incident of this kind, that's why I really need to know. | 2019-08-01T10:55:37.000Z | ckmt9k | 5 | 8 | ptsd | confusing trauma and anger for love? | 0.91 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckmt9k/confusing_trauma_and_anger_for_love/ |
pat_abatemarco | I have a degenerative retinal disorder. Basically I have almost no peripheral vision and my central vision is blurry. I’m in Adjustment to Blindness training and am using my white cane when I’m out. I keep hearing people talk about random strangers who have grabbed their arm or cane “to be helpful “. It by far the thing im most scared about with transportation. I don’t know someone is coming unless their right in front of me and I’m freaked that I’ll scream if anyone grabs me. Also apparently random people putting hands on you to pray you get healed is a thing. It boggles my mind that anyone thinks it’s ok.
I know people are just trying to be helpful but touch is difficult. Anyone have any suggestions? | 2019-08-01T09:28:03.000Z | ckm2bv | 0 | 2 | ptsd | Dealing with low vision and PTSD | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckm2bv/dealing_with_low_vision_and_ptsd/ |
BluePsion4297 | I'm going to a new therapist who says she wants to do CPT (Cognitive Processing Therapy) for my PTSD, and that it will be a twelve week course and afterwards I'll be cured of PTSD. I looked it up when I got home and I have my doubts. Seems like it is all about changing your dysfunctional beliefs about the world like "the world isn't safe", or help for people that blame themselves for their trauma. I don't blame myself but I definitely think the world is unsafe and there isn't a place in it for me. I really want to take my own life but during a government psyche eval the clinician told me I have PTSD and that there are very effective therapies for it.
CPT looks like a load of crap to me. I was reading through a thing for therapists about doing CPT for patients and it has to do with a lot of Socratic style questioning. Yeah, isn't the legend of Socrates that he killed himself rather then run away or capitulate to the shitty society he was in? Even if they patch me up enough to rejoin society, what the hell would keep this from simply happening again? | 2019-08-01T05:10:50.000Z | ckjwwe | 5 | 3 | ptsd | Doubts about CPT | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckjwwe/doubts_about_cpt/ |
potatochipgrape | *****Trigger warnings for Sexual Assault*****
So I only recently sought help for the problems I’ve been having for over 6 years. I wasn’t willing to admit what happened to me and I didn’t want a diagnosis. I was young when I was sexually Assaulted by one person on two occasions. And I still can’t go into detail even just to type it out. Anyways, my family is aware of the diagnosis but not the incidents. Recently, one of my cousins went through something much worse, where she was sexually assaulted after being kidnapped. She wasn’t held for a full day or longer thank goodness, and I can’t imagine how bad things are for her. I want to tell her that she’s not alone but there’s no way that the rest of the family won’t find out. And I don’t want it to seem like I’m just looking for attention (which is exactly what I was accused of already when they were told I have ptsd, even though I didn’t tell them, didn’t want to either but my mother felt it necessary to share). What are some ways I can reach out to her without telling her that I’ve been SA too? Any advice is appreciated! | 2019-08-01T04:28:15.000Z | ckjiht | 3 | 6 | ptsd | Wanting to reach out but terrified of family backlash. | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckjiht/wanting_to_reach_out_but_terrified_of_family/ |
throwaway0706199 | So just now (and it’s happened before), I was driving and I had a sort of “intrusive thought” about my trauma. My brain immediately dissociated so bad, I had to pull over and I immediately starting hysterically crying. I’m so dissociated I feel like my skin is numb and my eyes can’t focus.
Does anyone else have this? I feel like instead of having a panic attack, lately I’ve been having this happen where my brain just floats away. | 2019-08-01T03:34:55.000Z | ckiz9h | 3 | 3 | ptsd | Does anyone else have these dissociative episodes? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckiz9h/does_anyone_else_have_these_dissociative_episodes/ |
nextstopwilloughbyy | People deal with shit in different ways and I’ve always been in tuned with that. In my life, I’ve acted outward and inward to bad situations & I just always thought it was normal to do so. I’ve realized that I look at things in a different light than a lot of my friends do - like I vocally will empathize with those who act terribly, regardless of who they hurt (despite the fact that in some situations it may have been me). Is this normal or am I just succumbing to my trauma lmao | 2019-08-01T01:41:27.000Z | ckhqmg | 1 | 11 | ptsd | I expect people to understand situations the same way I do | 0.92 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckhqmg/i_expect_people_to_understand_situations_the_same/ |
agirlhasnoname17 | null | 2019-07-31T22:40:48.000Z | ckfnim | 2 | 3 | ptsd | How long does Klonopin stay in your system and actually works? Like, how many hours? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckfnim/how_long_does_klonopin_stay_in_your_system_and/ |
SassMolasses | (I'm going to put a trigger warning here just in case.)
I will not go into detail, as it's not the main focus, but I was physically and emotionally abused by my father. During that time, I had to learn that I could never make him mad and so I grew up either trying to avoid him or doing what made him happy. I couldn't be emotional either, especially when he was being abusive, because that would make him feel bad and would make the situation worse. I didn't really feel like I could be myself till he was kicked out of the house for a violent episode.
I have a problem with wanting to please everyone and being "The best friend" and "chameleon". That I try really hard have people to like me and get upset when I'm rejected, mainly due to how I feel like I'm not good enough and I need to be punished or else I get paranoid. Sometimes because I choose try and gain the respect of people who don't care because it's convenient or they make me feel good about myself. I didn't realize this until I started to go to therapy months ago and let go of some toxic people because I soon got to the point where my inability to make them happy lead me into days long suicidal depression.
My life has slowly getting better as I've move on from the stress of pleasing people. I no longer have weekly panic attacks due to drama or guilt because "I'm being a terrible friend for crying in front of everyone and that makes them uncomfortable". I still get them with my dad. For the most part, I don't think of him often, and what I do I try to recognize it, and then let it go.
I think my silver lining is that, after realizing that I still have things to do on this Earth, I'm going back to college to get my Masters along with eating an exercising properly. I'm happy to report that I just got accepted into University and I've lost 72 pounds since October.
I was hoping to get some perspective as to how it build up your self-esteem after abuse. Also, I would like to not be so much of a people pleaser, as I don't want to feel obligated to put others before myself because of my insecurities. So advice on that would be helpful.
Edit: Wow, my first Silver! Thank you Kind Stranger! I just wanted to let you know, especially if you have PTSD, that you are not broken or unloved. You are not defined by the truama. You are strong and loved by your friends and family.
I wish you the best of luck with your health. | 2019-07-31T22:30:21.000Z | ckfiy6 | 9 | 80 | ptsd | Putting others first (Emotional/Abusive PTSD) | 0.98 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckfiy6/putting_others_first_emotionalabusive_ptsd/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-31T22:06:37.000Z | ckf8a7 | 12 | 23 | ptsd | Talking about past traumas to your partner | 0.97 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckf8a7/talking_about_past_traumas_to_your_partner/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-31T21:43:26.000Z | ckexwl | 1 | 1 | ptsd | Have no idea if this is pats. | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckexwl/have_no_idea_if_this_is_pats/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-31T20:09:49.000Z | ckdpmm | 3 | 5 | ptsd | Books on PTSD | 0.86 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckdpmm/books_on_ptsd/ |
nottrynnaexist | I’ll try to make this as short and concise as possible. I just want to know if other people with similar traumatic experiences have felt this way when navigating their romantic lives.
I am a 21F. Diagnosed with depression and anxiety during my early high school years. Have been on antidepressants consistently since then and have been seeing therapists off and on. I didn’t realize until a few years ago that all the sexual assaults I have experienced from boys my age (age 12 - present) and from my mother (between ages 6ish and 12ish) could be affecting my self esteem and ability to form intimate/ romantic relationships with men in the present. I have also been through EMDR therapy to try to process these traumas. I did it for about a month until one day a “memory” (I put quotations because I don’t know if it’s real or not) of my dad sexually abusing me as a child came up, after that I discontinued EMDR.
So my issue specifically is that I have a pattern of only being interested in dating men who are narcissistic/or avoidant/ emotionally unavailable/ or abusive, which obviously makes them a terrible partner and I end up miserable. But for some reason I get so incredibly attached to these men and continue to try with them even when it’s clear they are trash romantic partners.
Whenever I begin to like a man who is emotionally available, genuinely kind and into me, I get this overwhelming feeling of fear and anxiety. It’s such an intense feeling that takes over my whole body and I’ve never felt it besides in these situations. It often becomes so bad that I feel physically sick to my stomach and am unable to eat. This in turn makes me become increasingly distant and closed off from them. It gets to the point where I have to discontinue seeing the nice man I am talking to because the feeling of terror and anxiety about the relationship takes over my life. I’ve tried my best to describe it to my therapist in hopes she can provide some explanation but she just says my fear of rejection is greater than my desire to be in a relationship and that I will grow out of it / mature at some point and it won’t be a problem anymore. I can’t help but think this feeling is somehow connected to all the trauma I have endured from not only males around my age since I was in 7th grade, but from my mother (and possibly father).
Please let me know if you have similar experiences / feelings and if you have found anything to help you become vulnerable with GOOD and HEALTHY romantic partners. Thankful for all of you! | 2019-07-31T17:56:48.000Z | ckbyes | 2 | 12 | ptsd | Is this a symptom of PTSD? TW: sexual assault and abuse | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckbyes/is_this_a_symptom_of_ptsd_tw_sexual_assault_and/ |
justathroaway1999 | I have sucessfully repressed this memory but now it is affecting me daily. I have not told anyone about it my whole life, but i recently told my significant other about it.
When I was 16 my family & I went to a party my uncle and his friends were throwing. There was a lot of people, most of which I did not know at all. Everyone was drinking, and my father even allowed me to. I was only allowed a few beers, but it turned into me sneaking more alcohol because, well I could and I was having a ton of fun with everyone. I ended up very drunk and got sent to bed. I dont remember much from this point forward. I pretty much blacked out and was in and out of it. All I remember is having my head pushed down on some mans genitalia. I don't know who it was. I don't want to know either. I just want to forget. If the memory crosses my mind I zone out, disassociate, and either cry or feel horriblely depressed until i can supress it enough to shift my attention to other things. The memore makes me feel gross, and i blame myself for sneaking alcohol. Idk. I dont know how posting this will help me, but I'm just looking for advice I suppose. I see a psychiatrist and therapist for depression and anxiety but I dont really feel comfortable telling them. Saying it outloud just makes it worse. | 2019-07-31T15:19:34.000Z | ck9vim | 3 | 1 | ptsd | Repressed memory 20F (TRIGGER WARNING) | 0.99 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ck9vim/repressed_memory_20f_trigger_warning/ |
throwaway0706199 | TW for mentions of sexual assault.
I’m wondering if anyone else does this. I was sexually assaulted and then had delay onset of my ptsd. I find that almost constantly I am fighting to push down these memories of that time in my life. Very often I think about sex/having sex with other people. I think it’s because in my mind, if I’m thinking about sex with someone else than it prevents the thoughts about sex with my attacker from popping up. I hope that makes sense.
Does anyone else have this? I kind of think of it as blocking my mind with other thoughts constantly in order to keep the bad thoughts from coming to the surface. | 2019-07-31T14:52:54.000Z | ck9iwi | 20 | 37 | ptsd | Sexual assault victims: Hypersexual thoughts? | 0.97 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ck9iwi/sexual_assault_victims_hypersexual_thoughts/ |
journey1992 |
Anyone else find sex to be dirty/shameful and have no sex drive?
I am in my late 20s and a female virgin. I was sexualized starting as a child. I experienced covert sexual abuse and emotional incest until my early 20’s. I was assaulted at 18 which made me scared to have sex or get a pelvic exam. Instead of having sex like most teenagers, I thought sex was gross and was scared of the pain of sex. While In college, I was very flirty and hypersexual and attempted to have sex many times but was too scared to.
Now I am less scared of sex and have been able to do a pelvic exam as long as I put the device inside. However, I am not dating now and I know I can’t have sex unless I am intimate with someone which is very hard for me to do due to my disorganized attachment style. Also, when I would kiss guys in college and do other stuff (not sex), I often felt shameful and dirty after. I think it’s because I was sexually abused growing up and also was taught by my parents that sex/sexuality was wrong and slutty. I also think vaginas are gross and don’t like the way mine looks and worry about being judged. Also, once I recently came to the realization my dad covertly sexually abused, I now have no sex drive. I used to be attracted to aggressive and abusive sex/sexuality where men did not take no for an answer. Through therapy, I realized I was traumatically bonded and once’s I processed my trauma history and see where this attraction was coming from, I am no longer drawn to that type of sexuality. Now I have no sex drive at all and cannot let myself orgasm or see myself do anything sexual. I am concerned!
I will be doing MDMA assisted therapy soon and I really hope that helps.
Anyone else struggle with feeling shame and dirty after being sexual?
Anyone else have no sex drive? Any tips? | 2019-07-31T12:02:37.000Z | ck7ki2 | 24 | 86 | ptsd | Anyone else find sex to be dirty/shameful and have no sex drive? | 0.98 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ck7ki2/anyone_else_find_sex_to_be_dirtyshameful_and_have/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-31T05:34:27.000Z | ck42vm | 2 | 3 | ptsd | Going to start using CBD | 0.81 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ck42vm/going_to_start_using_cbd/ |
[deleted] | DAE Experience the feeling of being physically sick (like having a cold or infection) I swear i constantly feel unhealthy and its horrible. | 2019-07-31T05:23:34.000Z | ck3z6a | 4 | 8 | ptsd | Does anyone else constantly feel like their sick? | 0.91 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ck3z6a/does_anyone_else_constantly_feel_like_their_sick/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-31T05:00:29.000Z | ck3qp9 | 3 | 3 | ptsd | repeating memories of traumatic events like a broken record | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ck3qp9/repeating_memories_of_traumatic_events_like_a/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-31T04:19:50.000Z | ck3bom | 1 | 3 | ptsd | I’m struggling with feeling detached and how it’s affecting my relationship, I need advice on how to cope | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ck3bom/im_struggling_with_feeling_detached_and_how_its/ |
RoseBudd2196 | I went through a very traumatic experience a couple months ago and sometimes I’ll just remember random things from that night and it makes me feel this heaviness and anxiousness that’s almost sickening. Is this a symptom of PTSD? | 2019-07-31T03:40:06.000Z | ck2w99 | 0 | 2 | ptsd | Is this a symptom of PTSD | 0.76 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ck2w99/is_this_a_symptom_of_ptsd/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-31T01:30:16.000Z | ck1fvd | 7 | 4 | ptsd | What are your flashbacks like? (possibly triggering for sexual abuse, rape, trauma) | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ck1fvd/what_are_your_flashbacks_like_possibly_triggering/ |
Becky-and-Momo | I know I struggle with this from time to time. I hate when people talk about how not everyone gets traumatized from a traumatic event, some even get post traumatic growth. I find it hard when I hear that not to feel like I somehow failed or did trauma wrong. That others are even better and stronger after a trauma where as I got PTSD.
I think trauma is largely about feeling like your not enough. Not strong enough, not safe enough, now careful enough, and on and on it goes.
It’s hard not to connect my worthiness with how I was affected by the traumatic event. I wondered how many others struggle with this too. | 2019-07-31T00:12:39.000Z | ck0ivw | 37 | 93 | ptsd | DEA feel like a failure for getting PTSD? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ck0ivw/dea_feel_like_a_failure_for_getting_ptsd/ |
rollypollyrodeo | So my therapist advised that we start EMDR after I've been unsuccessful at just talk therapy to open up and get to the root of my issues, even at describing the sexual assault that happened. So today we started step 1, which is listing all the traumas/both big T and little t. Today was fully consumed on the sexual assault even though there's a few other small things, and even though I felt in the present at the end of the session, I feel terrible now (about 5 hours later). We didn't even start the reprocessing stuff, and won't for maybe 2-3 weeks. It was just humiliating to go over all of that out loud with another human being, and although she's a very good therapist, I just feel like garbage. My triggers feel so much more intense now and I can barely stand the touch of my fiance now, and I feel like I might totally crumble at any moment.
I already went shopping which is usually my go-to self care (because retail therapy is real therapy) so.... any other suggestions to snap back out of it?
Thanks, and love to all going through this trash. | 2019-07-30T23:55:57.000Z | ck0bvr | 10 | 13 | ptsd | Starting EMDR and step 1... sucked | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ck0bvr/starting_emdr_and_step_1_sucked/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-30T21:05:52.000Z | cjy3b2 | 11 | 1 | ptsd | You call that trauma? | 0.6 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjy3b2/you_call_that_trauma/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-30T20:14:22.000Z | cjxdpg | 7 | 15 | ptsd | Has anyone else's PTSD turned into a chronic illness | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjxdpg/has_anyone_elses_ptsd_turned_into_a_chronic/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-30T20:12:58.000Z | cjxd22 | 1 | 5 | ptsd | My abuser will most likely die soon | 0.86 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjxd22/my_abuser_will_most_likely_die_soon/ |
parranna | This is what happened
This is my sister and I trusted her more than anyone in the world and that’s why I came to her first. [I am now in my school’s counseling center so I don’t freak out over it ](https://imgur.com/a/BinnulY)
Now I’m certain I can’t tell anyone else. If she doesn’t believe me no one will | 2019-07-30T19:51:00.000Z | cjx232 | 1 | 2 | ptsd | So I told someone about my abuse and diagnosis for the first time | 0.67 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjx232/so_i_told_someone_about_my_abuse_and_diagnosis/ |
Ballpoint_pen_ | So, I am 18, sorry for the long post and rambling. Half dissociating. Quick recap:
\-Raised by a narcissistic manipulative terrible mother, left when I was 15. Was a lot of anger issues, covert incest and just so scared all the time.
\-Was molested at 7-8 by some boys. After school program thing.
\-Almost raped at 13 by the son of a family friend.
\-At 14 had an older bf who was generally abusive, hardly remember anything tbh. He did stuff and let his friends do some stuff so he could get cheaper drugs.
\-At 14-16 sneaked out at night, drank, smoked and got all this alcohol by basically lowkey prostituting myself I guess. Not just random scary men in alleyways but like, older "friend" saying if I give a hj I get beer etc.
\-At 16 raped again, triggering an ED.
\-Almost a year ago lost one of my closest friends to suicide and it triggered massive death paranoia.
Now in a pretty healthy relationship with an amazing dude, living in a shared housing unit and gonna return to school in a few weeks. But pretty unstable. And scared. I'm back living in the city, the place where I did all the shit. And I feel this need to just go into the mode I was in. This sorta selfish hyper focused-constant-adrenaline, mode. It was terrible, scary, traumatic and I hated it. But it feels safe at the same time. Sometimes I even want to seek out and be with my abusive mother, but I guess that is probably just that I am fucking desperate for some affection and love from her. Is something really wrong with me? Why am I like this? Is this a common response? | 2019-07-30T19:33:32.000Z | cjwtaa | 6 | 12 | ptsd | Missing my trauma situations and wanting to go back? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjwtaa/missing_my_trauma_situations_and_wanting_to_go/ |
Grandmaswiener | I can't concentrate on the present. Every day I drift from one time to another, all day. Its like I have zero control. Some memories repeat themselves more than others. Some are horrible, intolerable even and I struggle to dodge them. Some are actually really good but leave me with a sensation of being lost and emptiness. Others, despite their unpleasant nature, make me feel nothing at all but yet Im still stuck thinking about them on repeat. I had a very abnormal upbringing and have lived around pretty much everything that statistically fucks up a person. I have distrust for anyone I encounter because something within me tells me they will try to harm me if they find out what I came from and how I live, and alternatively I can't stand the idea of pretending to be someone I'm not. I used to have this burning desire to reintegrate myself back into society but with every passing year I have felt it fade away more and more. At this point I just want to learn how to regulate my problems so that I can at least get by on the fringes. I can't afford real therapy and mental health care provided by the county is a fucking dumpsterfire right now. I'm considering attending NAMI support groups for emotional regulation classes and peer to peer experiences but I've never done group therapy before so it's an unfamiliar path, I keep hesitating to call and inquire about them. | 2019-07-30T18:40:18.000Z | cjw2j0 | 0 | 31 | ptsd | Trapped inside memories | 0.96 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjw2j0/trapped_inside_memories/ |
androgynousorlando | Last night, I was sitting on my friend’s porch smoking (staying at their house to watch their cat) when the neighbors started yelling. I was verbally abused throughout my childhood and became frozen in a panic attack. People who lived at my friend’s house passed me but I couldn’t speak. I sat there, frozen for two hours while they argued while also having a panic attack. I was crying but making no sound. Eventually, I was going to pee my pants if I didn’t go inside, so I somehow forced myself in, took anxiety meds, and fell asleep. I haven’t been triggered like that in a really long time. Any suggestions on how to cope with something like that? | 2019-07-30T18:39:34.000Z | cjw26c | 12 | 65 | ptsd | Triggered by yelling | 0.98 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjw26c/triggered_by_yelling/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-30T18:25:55.000Z | cjvv6x | 0 | 1 | ptsd | Success begets failure; why try? | 0.67 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjvv6x/success_begets_failure_why_try/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-30T17:32:54.000Z | cjv3u0 | 1 | 3 | ptsd | Seeing new psychiatrist today. Tips? | 0.81 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjv3u0/seeing_new_psychiatrist_today_tips/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-30T17:14:32.000Z | cjuudf | 1 | 12 | ptsd | My boyfriend is lovely, amazing, sweet, beautiful. He’s struggling, and I just want to be there for him best I can. I feel helpless. | 0.94 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjuudf/my_boyfriend_is_lovely_amazing_sweet_beautiful/ |
Ruinedlyfe000 | I have so much hate inside of me rn I cant even explain, life is just a huge disappointment. | 2019-07-30T16:26:55.000Z | cju60n | 5 | 17 | ptsd | I'm hurting | 0.96 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cju60n/im_hurting/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-30T15:54:29.000Z | cjtp3j | 3 | 17 | ptsd | *Trigger warning* Already had PTSD for years, was victim of a Peeping Tom last weekend who took my picture using the toilet in a public restroom. Can’t stop thinking about it, need someone to talk to. | 0.96 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjtp3j/trigger_warning_already_had_ptsd_for_years_was/ |
Nulltemp | Never been able to do this before. So I consider it a milestone. Was smoking pot with some close friends and I got triggered by someone recollecting their own tumultuous childhood. I could feel my muscles reacting and shifting. I started to notice my muscles and how they are tightened/relaxed sort of informs my mind about how I feel. It creates a sort of feedback loop where how exactly your muscles are configured informs your mind on how you feel - thus an initial fear will make you tighten up and then your noticing how tightened up you are makes you more afraid.
I then started to get a very vivid image of my childhood dog. I could have told you how sunny and windy it was on that day. I remember telling my friends "I feel like I'm being sucked into a vortex of memory." I then realized the precarious situation I was in - it's happening. My eyes began to well up and I then told my friend talk to me about anything just start talking to me. He began discussing DotA 2 strategies and I engaged him on the subject while trying tapping exercises my therapist taught me. I could literally feel myself fighting my own instincts and was struggling so hard. It almost felt like the physical strain of a hard workout but with my own psychology somehow. Not easy to describe! But at some point I realized I had successfully reversed a flashback!
I then got really excited over my accomplishment that I got sort of manic so I had to begin doing relaxation techniques following this to regulate myself. After about an hour I was back to my normal self! I really couldn't have done this without the help of my therapist, Tom. Just thought I would share this with you guys so you know it's possible. I've lived with this for decades so I know just how hard this can be. Trust yourself and get help if possible. Good luck and I hope you all find peace! | 2019-07-30T15:51:47.000Z | cjtnr8 | 5 | 45 | ptsd | Managed to pull myself out of a flashback | 0.94 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjtnr8/managed_to_pull_myself_out_of_a_flashback/ |
parranna | My therapist diagnosed me with it. She said that is why I’m so scared all of the time. I have been suffering from memory loss and nightmares recently and she said it’s my body feeling safe to finally remember these things since I’m no longer in an abusive situation. I thought I had BPD but she said I most likely don’t. It feels so weird to have thought you had something for years but now I have something else. I’m too scared to tell my family because then they’ll ask “what happened” but they don’t really realize they happened. I don’t want to make them feel bad. I think I’ll keep lying to them. | 2019-07-30T15:24:05.000Z | cjta26 | 34 | 39 | ptsd | I officially got diagnosed with PTSD yesterday... not sure how to feel | 0.92 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjta26/i_officially_got_diagnosed_with_ptsd_yesterday/ |
rachelnicc | so i (23F) was dating this guy (25M) for around two years now. he was a family friend and i had always felt safe with him. but he became very very driven by sex and just wanted to do it constantly. we couldn’t even lay down and watch a movie without him asking if he could just put his dick in me and leave it there, while his friends were a few feet away. it made me not want to do it as much because it was so constant and frustrating to me. but i always succumbed to it anyway.
so one night we were drinking at his house where he lives with a few roommates. eventually we ended up laying in his bed where he expected to have sex. this time i really didn’t want to so i told him no. he didn’t like that answer. he started punching his bed with his fists and put his arms around my neck to choke me. he was in my face and crying and and aggressive. i was panicked and his door was shut so i started heading to it cause i was scared of him and just wanted to leave. he blocked it and kept pushing me back and did not allow me to leave his room. this went on for a very long time until i finally ran for it and got out. his persistence didn’t stop and he was still in my face crying and pushing. i was desperately hoping one of his roommates would notice and stop him. once i got to my car he blocked it and said i can’t drive because i drank, but i felt so unsafe & uncomfortable i didn’t care. i just wanted to get to the end of the street in it to a safer place and then call a friend for help. i told him i’m breaking up with him and he’s scaring me. he said he doesn’t care, almost laughing to be spiteful, i’m not driving.
he continues blocking my car and eventually i had to go back inside. he continued being hyper aggressive with me and at this point i am a crying, panicked mess because i feel so helpless.
finally his roommates get in the middle of us and have to pin him to the ground. another roomate drove me home and i left that night to my boyfriend screaming and crying while being pinned to the floor. the next day he didn’t remember anything. i decided to stay with him which was my first mistake.
a few weeks later, we were on a planned trip in michigan for a concert. he did it again outside in public. i don’t know if i blocked exactly what he did out of my head so i can’t remember, but next thing i knew, two guys screamed “you don’t hit a girl like that” and came running from across the street. this ended up in another HUGE, horrible scenario which would be too long to get into.
occurrences like this happened a total of 3 times with him until i finally ended our relationship for good. after the first time, i was so afraid of rejecting sex with him that i would make sure to drink anytime it would possibly come up, to make succumbing to it more bearable.
i don’t know if this is important, but his mother is a depressed alcoholic and his brother had sexually harassed me before as well.
ever since this relationship, i avoided every social situation that even had the slightest chance in ending up in sex if i was sober. i couldn’t have sex if i wasn’t wasted first and i wonder if this could be ptsd from my ex. although it’s been around two years since this happened, i still think about it often.
any insight would be helpful. thank you :) | 2019-07-30T15:05:26.000Z | cjt0o2 | 12 | 5 | ptsd | ptsd from aggressive ex? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjt0o2/ptsd_from_aggressive_ex/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-30T15:00:16.000Z | cjsxzk | 4 | 3 | ptsd | Do you think I have ptsd? (NSFW) | 0.81 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjsxzk/do_you_think_i_have_ptsd_nsfw/ |
remineur | Hello, ten years ago, I was thrown off a moving bus by two guys, shocked for about a week and then returned to a normal life again. Two months later, when I woke up, I had obsessive thoughts, the face of one of the attackers appeared to me all the time. I tried to reject and block these thoughts, which I did for a while and then everything came back to me, then I thought that if I kept seeing this guy's face it was because I was gay, which caused me to "HOCD". The psychiatrist tells me that it's just anxiety, I tried \~15-20 antidepressants, none of them could suppress these thoughts. Recently I read an article on "ptsd" and I don't know if it's really anxiety or post-traumatic stress. I can't work, I only go out very rarely and when I go out, I'm afraid of being attacked, I feel like everyone is watching me, my social life is non-existent.
​
My family doesn't understand, even I don't understand, it's as if my life had changed that day, yet many people would have managed to forget without any problem and many lived thousands of times worse, but my brain refuses to treat this event, do you think it's possible that it's "ptsd' although I must see another psychiatrist soon who is trained in "EMDR"?
thank you very much ! | 2019-07-30T12:02:28.000Z | cjqrjh | 2 | 3 | ptsd | Could that be PTSD ? | 0.72 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjqrjh/could_that_be_ptsd/ |
HereComesNancyDrew | After many years, I finally managed to get out of the house where my abuse took place. But my PTSD symptoms have gotten worse since the relocation. I'm having nightmares and intrusive thoughts more often, as well as the overwhelming fear of going back.
Has anyone else had a similar experience? | 2019-07-30T11:46:34.000Z | cjqlib | 5 | 3 | ptsd | PTSD worsening after relocation? | 0.72 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjqlib/ptsd_worsening_after_relocation/ |
haperochild | i was diagnosed a few months ago by accident (because i was originally seeing the psychiatrist for a dyslexia assessment) so i didn't have a chance to ask anyone about this. i wanted to be mindful of others when posting so i'll say right now *there is a* ***content warning/trigger warning*** *for mentions of sexual assault and rape.*
recently i've started watching Harlots on hulu, and in it there are several scenes where a character is either sexually assaulted or raped. i have no memory of either of these things happening to me, but for some reason when i saw them it immediately set off a panic attack and had me crying inconsolably. this has only happened a handful of other times before when a friend showed me a graphic novelization of a story shared by several comfort women from WWII, and when i wasn't fast enough to fast forward through the opening scene of an L&O: SVU episode. i've never had this reaction when someone on either of these shows mentions an act of assault or describes it, it was only the graphic depiction of it. the only other thing i can really latch onto is that, when i read about someone being assaulted on the news or through social media topics, i get a very weird feeling down there. it's not pain, just a reflex, but it absolutely isn't enjoyable. it starts off this very heavy feeling in my stomach that sticks with me for hours, and i feel very detached from everything afterward.
is it possible that something has happened to me and i've just blocked it out so heavily that i can't even go back to a moment in time that would hint to me why i'd be reacting this way? i was predated on in the past, through chatrooms in an online game i used to play, but i never met anyone i talked to and therefore had no physical contact with them. i'm afraid to ask my family, because someone will immediately say i've made it up and that nothing bad has ever happened to me. i just want some kind of answer, and if anyone could help me i'd really appreciate it. thank you. | 2019-07-30T09:18:43.000Z | cjp854 | 2 | 2 | ptsd | [NSFW][TW] about some questions i had recently | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjp854/nsfwtw_about_some_questions_i_had_recently/ |
ktrystin | TRIGGER WARNINGS: rape, child molestation/rape/sexual assault, threatening, manipulation, intoxication
I should start with the fact that I haven’t been officially diagnosed with PTSD. I do have depression and anxiety, and plan on starting therapy hopefully in the new year and talking to a qualified specialist then about all of this for a diagnosis.
Also I’m on mobile, English is my fluent language, go easy on my feelers if I make a grammar mistake please.
Long story, bear with me. TL;DR down below.
Names, apps, and locations have been altered because I’m still in fear of retaliation. Ages have not been altered.
——————————————————————————
The Story/Background.
When I was 13, I was on an app called Cool!. Back then, Cool! had an in-app webpage thing where you could connect with people in your area.
My username attracted interesting people, my abuser (we’ll call him Bryce) being one of them. He contacted me first, and I engaged in conversation with him a lot. I told him I was 18, but once we met it was obvious I wasn’t and I told him the truth. He said he didn’t care though, he said I acted mature for my age. He was 36 at the time. When we met, we agreed to meet one evening in a little sort of park area in my neighborhood. It was a private corner behind some tennis courts, so no one was really going to bother us. We sat in the grass and talked, he put his arm around me, and eventually before I had to go back home he got me back into one of the hidden corners of the park and pulled my pants down. I let him do it. I didnt fight back.
After that, we still talked through Cool! and through various encrypted apps. As it progressed, he would be picking me up after school, taking me to his apartment, we would get high or drunk and have sex. Then he would take me home right when I asked him to. He was always good about getting me home on time, except for a few circumstances. That lasted for about a year. He didn’t have a job, and he had pit bulls he refused to get rid of, so he got kicked out of his apartments and packed his stuff and went home to Oregon for a while.
He eventually came back to New Mexico and lived with friends, but ended up going back and forth between New Mexico and Oregon. His ex got ahold of one of his dogs at this point, and he had to give one up to the pound. He only had one left that he took with him wherever he went. I loved that dog. We were sneaking around then, since he didn’t live without roommates. Usually all we did was just get rooms at various cheap motels because that’s what I was, for whatever reason, comfortable with.
After the second or third time he had to go back to Oregon, we stopped going to motels and he would just take me out by the lake or into the desert and pull off where there wasn’t really anybody and we’d have sex in the back of his car. One time, his car got stuck in a ditch along a desert highway, and it was too close to my curfew. I was in a dress, but I decided to just hitch hike and hope someone would come along and take me home. Thankfully, a mountain biker came around and went to get his truck. He brought me home, and I was safe. I realize how much more dangerous that could’ve been, but I got lucky to live in a place highly populated by religious peoples.
Bryce and I fought over the fact that I ditched him there, but it wasn’t anything new really. We fought a lot and it wasn’t the first time. I slapped him a few times and he got extremely angry with me but he never hit me back. It was scary though. His angry face scared me. He would go weeks at a time without talking to me, just ghosting me and then all of a sudden popping back up with a “hi” text. I was always stupid enough to reply to his texts right away, but I knew if I didn’t he would just get angry with me.
In summer a few years after we met, I hung out with a new friend group, and they made me actually happy. I had met someone there that actually treated me decently. I officially broke up with Bryce in early August, even though for months leading up to that I made it very clear I was uninterested, I no longer wanted sex so everything done was nonconsensual. From there, things just got worse.
He threatened me, would create fake phone numbers just to text me horrible things, faked a suicide on the phone with me, and guilt tripped and manipulated me. I changed my number at least three times, and eventually gave up and got a new phone completely, but he still got it through someone we knew mutually and texted me. I gave up, and kept him unblocked only because it was easier than blocking six numbers a day. It was minimal contact actually, maybe once every few months after awhile, and he continued to manipulate me when he did contact me.
A few weeks ago, he called me in tears telling me he’s going to show me why I should’ve cared about him, etc etc, saying he’s going to kill himself and it’s my fault. I told him I didn’t believe him, and he wasn’t going to find any sympathy from me because he was constantly pulling guilt trips like this, saying he was going to kill himself. I blocked him and he hasn’t tried to contact me since. It shook me up though, and I decided I should just come clean to authorities about the entire thing sooner rather than later.
The whole thing since I initially reported him has given me extreme anxiety and stress, I can’t sleep, I’m terrified of everyone’s judgement, I’m tired of living in fear of him going through with his threats against me every day. On top of that stress, authorities have failed to keep in contact with me regarding the case and it seems to have been dropped altogether. I’m afraid to reopen it because when I tried they yelled at me and made me cry.
——————————————————————————
What Made Me Come to This Sub.
I’m afraid still of him coming to my house and harming me or my family, I know he has access to guns and I know he’s addicted to drugs and isn’t afraid of losing what little he has. I’m afraid of going out in my town in fear of running into him.
At night, I keep myself up for hours on end thinking about everything he did to me. I wait for taps on my window or banging on my front door, for my dogs to go crazy. I give myself panic attacks just trying to do everyday things.
If I make plans with anyone, or even for myself alone, I have to make a strict itinerary and back up plans and I try to always make a way for me to get out of the situation should I need to. I end up writing, and rewriting, itineraries a thousand times before the trip straight down to the socks I plan on wearing each day. Even if I’m going across the country, I get nervous about going to the airport in case he stalked me and somehow knows I’m going to be there at 5:38 AM to catch a flight to so and so to land at 12:19 PM.
It’s just hard for me to do everyday things. Even driving through town if I pass the motel he had sex with me in when I was blacked out and unconscious, or down roads he took me to do explicit things, I have to go home and cry.
I’m tired of feeling like this, like I’m just a fool who fucked myself over to begin with anyway. I’m tired of being afraid, of dragging down the people around me because I can’t get a grip. I can’t wait until I can afford to start seeing a professional to actually pick all this apart..
——————————————————————————
TL;DR.
When I was young and dumb, I met a much older man on social media who manipulated me for a handful of years. When I finally put my foot down, he threatened me for months. I relive a lot of the memories and I’m constantly afraid of him. It affects me heavily in things as little as trying to go across town or sleeping at night. | 2019-07-30T08:15:40.000Z | cjopla | 3 | 10 | ptsd | [NSFW] [TW] I’m tired of being afraid. It’s getting to the point where I feel like I’m drowning myself. | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjopla/nsfw_tw_im_tired_of_being_afraid_its_getting_to/ |
wordsongs | I grew up in a very neglectful, borderline abusive household and, as a teenager ended up in a situation where I was being regularly assaulted by an acquaintance/family friend. I feared for my life (my abuser was becoming increasingly violent) and for my future (my family was refusing me access to college resources). This whole situation culminated in me leaving home at 17 and moving across the country. The year following my leaving was really hard. I didn't think that I would be able to go to college at all (where I'd gotten in, I couldn't afford it) and was struggling to support myself/with my mental health.
This year, I got a full scholarship to a wonderful school and I'm so incredibly excited! It's everything I've ever wanted, but at the same time, I think that the stress of the upcoming change (I move in three weeks) is already making my PTSD symptoms worse. I know that I'm going to be away from my significant other and my dog, who really help me to cope. Plus, I'm going to be forced to be around people a lot more. My paranoia and nightmares have been increasing, and the other night I even had a flashback, which I haven't had in a long time.
TLDR: I'm worried about dealing with PTSD and the college transition at the same time, and would really appreciate any advice or insight. | 2019-07-30T05:36:31.000Z | cjnavj | 2 | 10 | ptsd | Any advice for coping with PTSD in college? (TW: Abuse/Sexual Assault) | 0.92 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjnavj/any_advice_for_coping_with_ptsd_in_college_tw/ |
unnownturtle | So, I recently got drunk for the first time. And I may or may not have also smoked weed at the same time. So 2 depressants=No bueno. I didn't exactly get a flashback. It was more of split second flashes every once and a while of the sound and even feeling of situations where I was being abused.
Anyone else get this? | 2019-07-30T03:55:56.000Z | cjmb5c | 1 | 4 | ptsd | Flashback when I was drunk | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjmb5c/flashback_when_i_was_drunk/ |
Mischamarch | Tl;DR am looking for opinions on inpatient treatment and if anyone had positive/negative experiences that would recommend/warn me away from certain places. Private places and out-of-state places are fine to recommend.
1. I have C-PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, ADHD, and disordered eating.
1. Not suicidal though I've ideated over the years.
2. My trauma starts and childhood abuse and there is more I don't care or need to share, I don't think, here. I've been dissociated most of my life.
2. I have a therapist I've been working with for 3 years.
1. I've worked with other therapists/psychologists/psychiatrists off and on over the years and this is the longest and most successful relationship I've had with one.
3. I am on medication.
1. I've been on meds off and on my whole life and the is the first combination that has successfully allowed me to get beyond what was my daily "normal" for ages.
4. I need a break. I would like more day-to-day help. A chance to rest and get away from the stressors of daily life while learning new skills and tools, and in a safe setting. I know this is privileged and if I can for once take advantage of any privilege I've got, then now is the damn time.
1. I want to learn to care for myself better.
2. I want to process the trauma and be able to stop thinking about it daily.
3. I want to be able to practise tools I've learned in my current therapy that are difficult to do on a day to day basis when every day I'm triggered in some way because I work where my attacker works in a place where my last two bosses failed to support me and it's now too late to report the incident to the police.
4. I also want a place that practises different types of therapy--art, music, etc.--as well as group and private sessions.
5. If it's a place that takes insurance, all the better. If not, I dunno, my husband and I will try and make it work.
I am going to talk with my therapist and primary care physician this week about this option and see what they have to say. A friend whose brother is a prominent psychiatrist recommended 3 places--one is Louisiana which I don't want to go to because it sounds far too restrictive and immediately conjures images of Nurse Ratchett; one where Dr. Phil is in Baltimore which he says there's been some success but he can't vouch for their ethics; and a third place that's an absolute no because it does allow cell phone use and I don't want anyone recording me/my image. | 2019-07-30T03:22:08.000Z | cjlygo | 3 | 3 | ptsd | Inpatient Facility Recommendations/Experiences? I'm looking into it but am a little afraid of what I might end up experiencing. | 0.72 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjlygo/inpatient_facility_recommendationsexperiences_im/ |
k1yuu | after a lifetime of denial i can finally start healing..
it was really difficult to hear but i am coming to accept it.
i posted here the other day with my symptoms and today i talked over it with her. while i had most symptoms of ptsd i had not been able to believe it because i did not experience flashbacks. however she said not all people with ptsd experience flashbacks because we might have buried the memories very deep, but it comes out through our bodies, which is definitely what i experience, based on her observations. i thought this was interesting to share if anyone else doubts themselves. talk to a professional if you can.
i’m shaking. i could cry. it was not my fault. i was not “too sensitive”. i was not wrong. i was not bad. i legitimately experienced trauma, and someone TOLD ME SO today. | 2019-07-30T02:59:16.000Z | cjlphw | 42 | 141 | ptsd | the relief and validation when your psychotherapist looks you in the eye and says “honey. you have ptsd.” | 0.99 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjlphw/the_relief_and_validation_when_your/ |
dooalicious | I am so tired of feeling like this. Everyday the same knots in my stomach, feeling dread and constantly worrying and panicking. Nothing seems to be working, I feel so alone. | 2019-07-30T02:07:31.000Z | cjl4oa | 1 | 2 | ptsd | Tired | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjl4oa/tired/ |
unnownturtle | So my experience that made me anxious and defensive, violent, angry and all that jazz. Was just being beat up for almost a year in 2nd grade. I'm going into 12th grade now and I feel like i shouldn't be worthy to be labeled as someone that has ptsd. People have gone through much worse and I don't want to feel selfish because I'm using time for me when other people have much bigger problems | 2019-07-30T01:35:18.000Z | cjkrh2 | 4 | 5 | ptsd | How do I know i have PTSD when my experience wasn't nearly as bad as everyone elses? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjkrh2/how_do_i_know_i_have_ptsd_when_my_experience/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-30T00:16:31.000Z | cjjub2 | 6 | 3 | ptsd | [NSFW] - it’s hard to title this without prompting triggering material. Father passing following military trauma. | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjjub2/nsfw_its_hard_to_title_this_without_prompting/ |
ILC11 | Long story short, I fell in love with a friend I met in college, he started falling for me too (even though he had a partner then) and after we ended up having our own thing, he started panicking. He didn't know how to confess to his partner what he'd done and what he felt for me. That led to me developing quite an extreme anxiety problem; I didn't want any of them both to get hurt because of me.
After that came some arguments with me trying to force him to choose between us as soon as possible. That's something I still can't forgive myself for doing; I wasn't aware at the moment of how much I was hurting him. Worst-case scenario happened, and he told me he had been putting up with me out of pity for my disability -physical, a degenerative disease-. He had been the reason why I had regained hope after dealing with so much pain caused by the disease (some hard surgeries where I was close to death, for example), he had truly inspired me to be someone better and at that moment it all went down like I never thought it would.
That was only the start; he basically told me he was done with me but at the same time always tried to win me back. He got me at the cost of constantly reminding me how much better than me was his partner, how much I had hurt them and how he was gonna draw himself back from me until she trusted him again and I was no problem. At the moment I thought I deserved that and I never came to realize how much of a torture he put me under, even when he came up to physically assaulting me once -nothing severe, just an outburst he had and apologized for immediately-.
I don't know how but I managed to understand he was acting just like a scared kid and endured enough until he came to ask me to please come back to what we were. The first time I've ever seen him crying was when he was telling me he didn't want to regret all the good things we had done together.
Things started again a little unstable but we have eventually gone to therapy together and are quite happy now that we understand each other's point of view. He had felt emotionally abused by me, and that's something I still haven't forgiven myself for either.
I'm doing my best right now to support him and show how much I love him, but I'm afraid how he treated me has make me develop some kind of trauma that makes me relive those moments almost constantly. I'm also experiencing some anger outbursts without apparent meaning towards him, and sometimes I see myself not being able to concentrate on nothing and trying to avoid any situation or person that could remind me of him.
I know how ugly this can look from the outside, but I swear that our relationship is true and carries more good than bad memories within. I consider what happened just a matter of our own immaturity, but we've fought really hard to understand and love each other. I just need help trying to determine if I'm suffering some type of disorder related to PTSD, as that way it would be much easier for me to deal with myself.
Sorry for any inconvenience this may cause. I needed to contact you because I won't be able to go to therapy in a couple of months and panic and anxiety are coming back harder than ever. Also, it hasn't been until now that I realized maybe this had something to do with having a trauma.
I hope you can help me. Thank you so much in advance. | 2019-07-29T21:52:35.000Z | cji21x | 2 | 1 | ptsd | Can PTSD develop from this kind of trauma? | 0.6 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cji21x/can_ptsd_develop_from_this_kind_of_trauma/ |
[deleted] | I got blackout drunk the other night and don’t remember much of what happened. I do remember after throwing up crying really hard and almost hyperventilating. The episode lasted for about 10 minutes. I have never been very emotional when I drink and have never cried this hard before. I also never have had a panic attack this bad...any thoughts? ptsd related? | 2019-07-29T21:38:29.000Z | cjhvb2 | 2 | 1 | ptsd | Drinking led to intense panic attack | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjhvb2/drinking_led_to_intense_panic_attack/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-29T21:28:49.000Z | cjhqjn | 2 | 1 | ptsd | What is happening to me? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjhqjn/what_is_happening_to_me/ |
19missingpilots | warning: Wall of words and triggering topics.
I’m going to start this off by doing some explaining. I was raised in a cult. My father physically and emotionally abused my mother and sister. Later on he emotionally and sexually abused me (not physically, but with the use of pornographic material). When I was about 6 or 7, my sister sexually assaulted me. She also physically abused me from about the age of 4-12 (?). My mother and father divorced when I was 5, my father had a PFA against him, and when I was able to see him again I had unsupervised visits. During these visits my father very much involved me in the sex cult he was part of. My mother was very emotionally neglectful when I was growing up. I was given all the things I needed to survive but none of the things I needed to be stable. When I got older, my sister began abusing the medications she was on. This progressed from pills to heroin and she was put under professional care by my grandfather. My mother avoided this for months upon months and made me be her drug dog. I don’t remember a lot of it but I walked in on my sister passed out from an overdose and my mother never even asked me how I was after she used me to see what my sister was doing. Me and my mother, as you can imagine, have a horrible relationship. I cut my father off a year ago. I’ve seen and heard a lot of scary shit that still takes over my thoughts to this day.
Now, I’m older. I’m still living with my mother, my sister is on her own and clean, and I am safe from any and all harm. Throughout my entire life I’ve suffered from extreme anxiety, depression, and intrusive thoughts. When I was younger (toddler-elementary school student), many of these thoughts were things like having sex with my mom or feeling like someone was watching me. In middle school, the paranoia of being watched increased and my intrusive thoughts become more serious. I was obsessed with the idea of me killing someone, but had absolutely no desire to actually hurt people. It was terrifying, especially because I look just like my father, to think that I was broken enough to hurt another person. I never ever wanted to do these things, but the image of it happening was always picking at my brain. I also began talking back to the people I thought were watching me and started checking my windows at night. This paranoia started one of my biggest fears/reoccurring thoughts. When I was 15, I became obsessed with the idea of getting murdered. My bed and bodies of water are my biggest triggers. For example, I recently went on vacation to Vermont. I went to a lake to go swimming and as soon as the water hit my toes I felt an overwhelming feeling that I was being watched. I stared at the water for a while, imagining my own dead body floating around, and tried to pretend like everything was okay. I still managed to have a good time, but the imagine of me dead was still in the back of my head the whole time. Every time I imagine myself dead, which is normally a couple times a day, I’m almost completely decomposing. At night I find myself spiraling thinking about it, which drives me to spend hours looking at crime scene photos online. Sometimes looking at these photos is a way to cope, other times (with the more graphic ones), it almost feels like I’m making it worse. I look at videos and images online that make me feel physically sick, but my fingers keep typing away and looking for more disturbing things to look at. I never know how to stop, and almost always feel like I’m in danger or someone is going to kill me. It’s like an overwhelming feeling like this is the moment I’m going to die. It drives me insane not being able to sleep because I feel like there’s cameras in my room or people outside my window. And Lately, ive been unable to cry about it. I just go into these laughing, hyperventilating breakdowns that leave me feeling hopeless. I’ve talked to my mom about all of this, but she just dismisses it like I’m just saying it to get her attention and validation. This only makes it harder for me to want to get help because she always finds a way to convince me that I’m faking it. I don’t know how to prove to her that if I don’t get help soon I know I’m going to kill myself out of fear of someone else doing it first. I’ve already been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and PTSD, but ptsd is the only one that’s not on my paperwork because the people that have diagnosed me with it did not have the personal connection with me where they could legally put it on my papers.
Since I’ve tried talking to my mom about it, I’ve stopped seeing my therapist, and she pretty much denies me the opportunity to go back to MY OWN psychiatrist.
I know it’s because she doesnt want to admit to her neglectful behavior. She’s always been a self victimizer. Originally I planned on just trying to suck it up until I’m 18 and can care for myself, but I don’t think I’ll make it that long without help.
what the fuck do I do
(Unedited)
Sum: My brains reaction to trauma is only making everything worse. As I try to get help, my mom always finds a way to convince me that I’m just faking it.
UPDATE: I have ocd. Cool. | 2019-07-29T20:21:21.000Z | cjgtez | 2 | 5 | ptsd | I (16,M) have ptsd, but my mother (who also has ptsd) doesn’t want to get me help because she’d have to admit she was neglectful. | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjgtez/i_16m_have_ptsd_but_my_mother_who_also_has_ptsd/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-29T17:44:28.000Z | cjemq3 | 4 | 1 | ptsd | I am suddenly terrified of driving half way through a road trip. | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjemq3/i_am_suddenly_terrified_of_driving_half_way/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-29T17:06:16.000Z | cje3p6 | 2 | 4 | ptsd | How to deal with dreams about abuser? (TW: Sexual assault) | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cje3p6/how_to_deal_with_dreams_about_abuser_tw_sexual/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-29T16:43:01.000Z | cjdrzo | 0 | 2 | ptsd | anniversaries | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjdrzo/anniversaries/ |
thedattoruns | I hope this is an appropriate place to post this. I'm not really able to talk about the details of the trauma I've experienced, as it is still an ongoing situation and I can't risk identifying myself online. So I don't know where else to post where people will understand my vagueness and self imposed isolation.
But recently an old, close friend passed from overdose. She experienced serious traumas all throughout her life, and turned to drugs, alcohol, and unhealthy relationships to cope. For most of our time in each other's lives, I lived exactly the same way. Then, once my recent situation began, and I was forced to remove myself from basically everything and everyone I knew, my lifestyle was forced to change. I eventually met healthy and supportive people who helped me find my own worth and pursue real help.
Now that my friend has passed, I am wracked with guilt. I am ashamed for even feeling the guilt, as if I am making her untimely death about myself, though that isn't my intention. I just can't get past feeling selfish. I know we were both unhealthy, broken, misguided, etc., and we could not have truly helped each other until we had helped ourselves... But I feel immense self loathing for getting myself to a better place and not coming back for her. I know that unless she was really willing to make it work for herself, there's nothing I could have done regardless. But the survivors guilt is overwhelming.
At what point am I 'well' enough to reach out to the ones I claim to love, to give them the lifeline I was given? How did I deserve to survive, and how did she deserve such a sudden and tragic end? We were on the same path for so long. What am I supposed to do with the knowledge and progress I've made, how can I make it meaningful? I know it's isn't realistic to consider the 'what ifs', and unfair to punish myself for things I can't control, but I'm just at such an impasse that I feel lost and full of blame.
Today is her service and I can't attend because it isn't safe for me to do so. I'm so broken hearted and angry, at the abuser and at myself. I wish I could just tell her and her family that I'm sorry, and say goodbye.
If you read all of that, thanks for your time. | 2019-07-29T15:06:48.000Z | cjcgzi | 3 | 9 | ptsd | Experiencing loss (CW: death, substance abuse) | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjcgzi/experiencing_loss_cw_death_substance_abuse/ |
Heidi_Trismegistus | I recently experienced a violent trauma that left me feeling hopeless. I had to move. Cow friend is close and I see him every day when I am driving or going for a walk. He is a beautiful young Jersey. Cow friend is very sweet and moos back when I talk to him sometimes. I was out taking pictures of him tonight. While I was getting pictures, his owner drove by. I learned his name (cow) is Mason and I am allowed to feed him treats like apples and slices of bread. I am so happy about this. Something as goofy as a cow gives me hope. Mason is truly something special. I wish that anyone struggling right now can find at least a small shred of hope and hold onto it tightly. Hope can come in unexpected places. | 2019-07-29T14:04:12.000Z | cjbo7b | 35 | 445 | ptsd | A cow down the road from me is helping me work through my depression and PTSD. | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjbo7b/a_cow_down_the_road_from_me_is_helping_me_work/ |
ayoitsjo | I was at a friend's place until really late the other night, like 4am, for a birthday. I called an uber and forgot to check that I didn't want to walk, so even though her neighborhood is really nice I ended up having to walk and wait on this semi sketchy big road
Uber is taking longer than expected and a man yells over that he wants to talk to me, I shake my head and he presses but I wave him off and he went away briefly.
A few minutes pass, my uber hasn't moved (it's waiting on another pickup) and I hear the guy yell "Miss! Miss!" I ignore him but he starts coming to me and I get scared. He starts calling me beautiful and says he'll call me a cab and I say I have one coming and I start to call my friend because I feel like hey my chances of being murdered lessen if I'm on the phone.
He starts pleading with me to talk to him and saying he loves me and reaches his hand out and asks me to take it and I say no ans he just keeps inching closer to try and touch me. I say no again, I'm on the phone with my friend but I don't want to talk about this guy while he's right there.
This guy starts accusing me of thinking he's dirty, and continues insisting I touch him. My uber finally comes and I cry in the car to my friend until I'm okay to hang up.
At work yesterday I thought I was okay but then I just kept having random breakdowns throughout the day. I don't have any meds for it and it's making it hard to function. | 2019-07-29T13:46:18.000Z | cjbg7x | 0 | 2 | ptsd | I was really triggered the other day and now I've been having anxiety attacks for no reason | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjbg7x/i_was_really_triggered_the_other_day_and_now_ive/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-29T12:56:23.000Z | cjaw0n | 1 | 1 | ptsd | I [20F] made my boyfriend [27M] hurt me sexually as a form of self-harm and now we both feel gross. [Very Sexually Triggering Content] | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cjaw0n/i_20f_made_my_boyfriend_27m_hurt_me_sexually_as_a/ |
asmolbitofeverything | So I went to the gynecologist and it was mostly fine (sidenote, thank you for everyone who gave me advice on other post), but one thing that came up was the doctor asking how severe my trauma was.
My immediate response was to say it wasn't that big of a deal, but when she listed out what would make it "a big deal" (i.e having nightmares about it, flashbacks, severe anxiety attacks/triggers) and...they were all things I deal with.
I've always been so worried about faking my symptoms that I never considered that I was actually not taking it seriously. It seems stupid thinking about it now, I mean, how do I not realize that not sleeping most nights, scrubbing my skin until it bleeds, having anxiety attacks anytime I'm reminded of the event, and the thought of being touched makes me ill most days, are all serious ptsd and not just small issues. | 2019-07-29T10:50:27.000Z | cj9mlo | 7 | 49 | ptsd | I Finally Realized My PTSD is More Serious Than I Thought | 0.99 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cj9mlo/i_finally_realized_my_ptsd_is_more_serious_than_i/ |
kawaiiBMO13 | Most nights I get the dreams where I’m between awake and asleep. And they’re so much harder to wake up from. My partner usually has to shake me and talk pretty loudly at me to get me to wake up.
Sometimes I get them a few times before I finally fall asleep for the night.
Am I the only one? | 2019-07-29T10:06:55.000Z | cj98lh | 3 | 9 | ptsd | Do you ever get the half awake half asleep dreams? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cj98lh/do_you_ever_get_the_half_awake_half_asleep_dreams/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-29T07:09:15.000Z | cj7rvm | 0 | 1 | ptsd | The last two nights in a row I woke up from a intrusive night terror... I was over this so a few month straight.. | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cj7rvm/the_last_two_nights_in_a_row_i_woke_up_from_a/ |
EFIRE23 | So my therapist has said I have Acute Stress Disorder after losing my younger brother to suicide and finding him the day after Valentines Day this year. But I don’t think it is. ASD has a time frame of 3 days- 1 month after the event. It’s been almost 6 months since he took his life. I think I have PTSD, and I feel like it’s getting worse with each month that passes.
Regardless of what it is, I’m having a hard time coping even with therapy. As if things weren’t bad enough, about a few weeks ago, a couple scumbags broke into my condo where he lived with me, and stole a bunch of his stuff. We got the important things back, but the whole thing has left me shaken. I’ve become a hell of a lot more paranoid since. The smallest noises cause me to have panic attacks.
My dad dropped something one night while trying to set up shelves in the room he set up for my brother, and I immediately assumed the worst, which caused me to have a panic attack. I went to check on him. It was nothing but it still caused me to freak out.
I went to my old condo about a week ago to grab a few things left there. When I went in to my old bedroom, I saw a blanket set up like someone was sleeping there. Turned out my dad had slept there. But it still caused me to freak out.
I went to my old condo (my dad owns it) to work on bagging whatever is left up, so I can toss it in the dumpster. I was so afraid of walking into the place to find someone there. And I couldn’t be there. I lasted maybe 30 minutes there before I had to leave.
How do I cope? I listen to music, read books, play video games, go to the gym, do any number of things to try and keep myself busy. But it doesn’t work. I keep going back to finding my brother. I keep freaking out. And every time, I feel helpless after a panic attack. I don’t like feeling this way. I hate feeling helpless. | 2019-07-29T05:27:12.000Z | cj6vhq | 2 | 2 | ptsd | How do I cope? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cj6vhq/how_do_i_cope/ |
HamiltonJJ | My brother, Jeremy Hamilton, is a military veteran and an incredible example of how the VA, mental health, and criminal justice systems are failing our veterans. We are looking for assistance in how to handle this. My parents and I put on a face everyday and most people do not fully understand the extent of what my family is dealing with. I am pulling back the curtain to let people see what has been happening in hopes we can find assistance for Jeremy. It's very difficult to put this out there, but people need to know. And if you are dealing with PTSD, or have a family member with PTSD, know you are not alone.
Jeremy joined the Army as an Infantryman in 2004. He completed one tour of Iraq, with most of his time spent in Ramadi. It was easy to see how much his experience was affecting him on his first trip home. He had a two week leave from combat and the first evening while at dinner Jeremy became super emotional and got up and left the table. I went to go find him, he was in the bathroom crying and the moment he saw me he started apologizing and crying harder. We hugged and went out for a walk. Jeremy was feeling a lot of guilt leaving his unit behind, even though he was only going to be gone for two weeks. He told me,"You are my brother, but those are my brothers." It's hard for me to imagine the type of bond you would build in that environment. Jeremy would complete his tour and did not to re-enlist as a prior knee injury did not allow him to apply for Special Forces. Jeremy was back in Minnesota in 2007, initially struggling to find a job that he was interested in. He was drinking pretty heavily and ended up getting a DUI one night. Jeremy had a good friend who was pretty big into karate and he started training with him. He then began training to fight in mma. That quickly became his passion and he was determined to succeed. His ultimate dream would be to make it to the UFC. Jeremy was a massive fan of Anderson Silva and tried to incorporate some Silva's head movements and counter-punches. Jeremy being 6'3" with a 77" wingspan gave him the ability to keep some distance while evading shots, but he also was tough and had a strong jaw. Jeremy found a great gym and was training nonstop. He became a training partner with Brett "Da Grim" Rogers and the other professional fighters. Jeremy joined Brett traveling to different events like the Strikeforce Grand Prix and different promotional events. Scott Coker, the Strikeforce CEO at the time, joked with Jeremy about trying to pass him off as GSP; since they looked similar. It was very amazing to see the excitement from Jeremy and his confidence was soaring. Jeremy would get his chance on a bigger stage fighting on a Strikeforce preliminary card. His opponent would be Derek Brunson. Brunson was a relatively new fighter with an 8-0 record and his longest match lasting 2 minutes and 27 seconds. As a brother, that was a brutal fight to watch. Brunson definitely got the best of him, but Jeremy wasn't going to quit, tap out, or get knocked out. Brunson won by unanimous decision. Derek Brunson has gone on to have a long UFC career, fighting individuals like Ronaldo Souza twice, Anderson Silva, Robert Whittaker and many of the top Middleweights of the world. Jeremy healed up and got back to training, in preparation for another big fight. He would headline an event at the Target Center in Minneapolis fighting a UFC vet in Yoshiyuki Yosihda. Jeremy lost via submission in the second round. After that fight, mma started to become less important. Its a hard life to be an mma fighter when the money isn't that great, unless you are at the top. Jeremy began working at a company doing tree work. Climbing gave him the adrenaline rush he needed.
In December 2014, I received a call from Jeremy's gf that he was acting very strange and she wanted me to come over and talk with him. Oblivious to what was happening, I arrived to find him packing up his vehicle. He says that his gf has been cheating on him and spreading lies about our family. I am not sure what to make of the situation, so I help him load up and move him to my parents house. He later meets me at a friends house and starts sharing the story. Jeremy said he was at a store called Discland and one of the employees, told him everything; how his gf was cheating on him, recording him and all of our family through hidden cameras. It was extremely difficult to follow. I didn't know what to make of any of the situation and said I would be willing to go to meet this individual at Discland. Jeremy and I discussed that if this individual doesn't remember anything about this situation, we would go to the VA to talk to someone. Jeremy agreed, but he knew he was right. When we got to Discland Jeremy pointed out the guy right away. We approached him and Jeremy started asking him questions. The guy had no idea what Jeremy was talking about. Jeremy backed up and realized something was off. As we left the store, Jeremy couldn't make sense of what was happening and became extremely emotional. It was very hard to watch my brother, a 30 year old, completely confused by what was going on in his own head. By the next day, a new story had formed in Jeremy's head. The employee from Discland "told him(Jeremy)" he would forget the information, if Jeremy came back. Jeremy felt justified in not seeking help. The Discland situation slowly faded away and everything seemed to be normal again. Completely oblivious to what was going on behind closed doors.
In March 2015, I received a Facebook message from a girl that Jeremy went to high school with. We'll call her Sarah for anonymity sake. Sarah shared that Jeremy had been messaging her pretty regularly via social media. Jeremy wasn't stopping even though she made it clear she was in a relationship. Sarah wanted to reach out to me first; she knew Jeremy had served in the military and this was possibly PTSD. She wanted to see Jeremy get the help he needed. My parents confronted Jeremy about it and he agreed he would stop contacting her. We continued the conversation of getting Jeremy help, but we were completely unequipped to handle the situation. We were also completely unaware of the extent of Jeremy's social media posts.
In April 2015, an Order of protection was delivered on behalf of Sarah. Jeremy had continued using every form of Social Media to contact Sarah, even contacting her coworkers. The only thing I was thankful for in this situation was that Sarah didn't live in Minnesota. Then in the same month, the Secret Service showed up at my parents house in regards to threats Jeremy had been making on twitter to pretty much every politician and also the Pope. He wasn't living with my parents at the time, but they were able to locate him where he was staying. They picked him and brought him to VA. It was pretty clear that something drastic needed to be done. The VA and the Judge handling Jeremy's case new that Jeremy would need forced care, he was not willing to accept any assistance on his own. The lead Secret Service agent was even willing to testify to help make that happen. Part of the process includes having two third party psychologists doing an evaluation on Jeremy. One didn't complete it and the other deemed him competent. That was a big blow to our chances of getting him help. Ultimately, the VA allowed him to leave and my parents had to make the choice of letting him go homeless, or bring him home. My Parents brought him home, but Jeremy decided to sleep in a cot he set up in the garage, because he did not feel worthy of sleeping in a house. Jeremy has an extreme amount of guilt for things he did in while in the Army. For example, while in Ramadi they would try to capture the individuals planting IEDs in the roads. They would watch the roads for days, to remain unseen they would force families out of their homes and occupy them until complete. This has weighed heavy on him.
On December 12th, 2015 Jeremy became very agitated and was making my Parents extremely nervous, to the point they had to call the police to have him removed for the final time. The police brought Jeremy to the VA. Since Jeremy didn't have a place to go, the VA found him a home with a Vietnam Veteran in WI. Jeremy ended up leaving the home to live homeless in Eau Claire. The only way for us to have any idea what was going on was to search for his social media posts. He didn't have any money and ended up stealing a bottle of liquor from a store... he left an IOU with his information on it.
September 2016, the Eau Claire police were able to catch up with Jeremy. Since Jeremy was living homeless and winter was on its way, the Police told him he would need to travel somewhere warm. They arranged a bus ticket to anywhere he wanted to go. It chose Los Angeles. Unfortunately, the bus had a stop in Phoenix and that is where Sarah lives. Jeremy saw it as a sign that he needed to see her. Sarah reached out to me to tell me it appears he is on a bus heading her way. Sarah hired two off duty police officers for protection. When Jeremy arrived outside her workplace they were able to apprehend him and take him to the VA in Phoenix. Since the original order of protection had expired, they couldn't do anything more, but serve him the new protective order. The VA was providing assistance, he seemed to be getting the help he needed. He was even taking the medication required. He even found a group of veterans that he could hang out with. The VA set him up in Veteran apartment complex and he seemed to be on the right path.
In February 2018, my Parents and I went to visit Jeremy. It was a great opportunity to see him and remember some old times, we all did some hiking at the Grand Canyon. Life felt good for a moment. Unfortunately he decided to have very limited contacted after that, later we learned it was the result of the narcotics the VA had him on. In September 2018, we were still unable to get a hold of Jeremy and there were no recent social media posts. Jeremy finally reached out to my parents and he had been in jail for contacting Sarah again. He didn't even care about going to jail anymore. Then at the end of 2018, he was arrested again and is still being held. Initially, they were working through the Mental Health courts as opposed to criminal court, but that has since changed. As of May, the Maricopa County Court system states that Jeremy is completely mentally competent to be in criminal court. VA where are you?
We are not asking for Jeremy to be freed. We want nothing more than for Sarah to be able to enjoy her life without having to worry about the safety of herself and her family. All we want is for Jeremy to get the help he truly needs. Obviously this is complicated, but having him locked in jail isn't helping his mental state. We receive postcards from Jeremy stating,"It's an honor to be a Civil Rights Activist and a World Peace Advocate in the worst jail system in the country." We can't even truly communicate with his defense attorney since Jeremy is over the age of 18. Besides the fact the defense attorney told my Mom that, "Defense attorneys are not best interest attorneys. If he wants something different, she(attorney) has to do it. This doesn't always align with what the families want." Jeremy doesn't even have his attorney in his corner. My family has been through so many ups and downs, we have no idea what to do at this point. We are looking for someone to help us find a better solution. I have seen the power of Reddit and hope someone can provide assistance. I apologize for the length and any grammatical errors.
TLDR: Military family needs assistance with complicated legal situation before veteran is sent to jail in Phoenix. | 2019-07-29T03:40:40.000Z | cj5uf2 | 2 | 5 | ptsd | My brother, a military veteran, is an incredible example of how the VA, mental health, and criminal justice systems are failing our veterans. Help! | 0.86 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cj5uf2/my_brother_a_military_veteran_is_an_incredible/ |
megathrowaway4y1984h | i used to have therapy pretty regularly but now because of being in between jobs and having no money, i havent been in almost 6 months. its getting harder to stay focused, i feel like I'm dissociating or not really there, constantly. i feel very lonely. i feel emotionally like I'm stuck.
i havent told anyone that last week i had a really bad scare and it makes me shiver with fear every time i think about it. i was driving and trying to pay attention to the road, but i dont remember what happened. when I'm alone, and when I'm driving, my mind will usually always jump to my trauma and pain and it goes on very long rabbit holes of distractedness, i remember going down a rabbit hole of how sad and lonely i was, and i only realized i ran a red light at full speed, when i was halfway thru the intersection. there was a car coming across from me and i stepped on my brakes so hard, i luckily didnt hit anyone but i came inches away from it. it scared me a lot. i havent told anyone. | 2019-07-29T02:19:13.000Z | cj4ztz | 0 | 2 | ptsd | havent told anyone | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cj4ztz/havent_told_anyone/ |
[deleted] | I'm young. Almost 21 and a college student. I'm not sure if this is a trauma symptom but I always feel like I'm running out of time to do things I enjoy? I want to travel someday most likely in my late 20s or 30s/40s and I feel like I will be too old by then. I also got a kitten a couple months ago and already feel like I won't have enough time with her? She's only 4-5 months old but it scares me. Does anyone else experience this? | 2019-07-29T00:35:14.000Z | cj3v9o | 2 | 9 | ptsd | Constantly feel like I'm running out if time? | 0.92 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cj3v9o/constantly_feel_like_im_running_out_if_time/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-28T23:49:31.000Z | cj3d83 | 3 | 7 | ptsd | Battling every sort of psych issue right now | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cj3d83/battling_every_sort_of_psych_issue_right_now/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-28T23:24:15.000Z | cj32ud | 3 | 10 | ptsd | I’m terrified of saying “no” to men who seem interested in me because I don’t know how they will react and it’s ruining my relationship | 0.92 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cj32ud/im_terrified_of_saying_no_to_men_who_seem/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-28T23:23:02.000Z | cj32a3 | 2 | 3 | ptsd | Trigger Warning - abuse. Tips on recovery and being able to function - how do you move forward when you feel stuck? | 0.81 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cj32a3/trigger_warning_abuse_tips_on_recovery_and_being/ |
Pizzaandpushups | I've dealt with depression, anxiety and codependency issues my whole life. After years of therapy, CoDA, medicines, working out, meditation, I'm not much better than when I was a teenager. I still get so anxious I get panic attacks, bursts of anger, extremely fear of abandonment, etc. After some research I think I have PTSD, or CPTSD, from years of abuse and secrecy in my family. I'm afraid to bring it up to my therapist but I want to know if it's possible to get a diagnoses. I've asked her before if I might be bipolar, have BPD, etc but she tells me I'm not apparently. She seems to get annoyed if I bring up what I might have and just stresses I keep journaling and going to CoDA.
​
Has anyone asked to get an official diagnoses, if so what does that entail? Did your life get better or worse after having the label? I'm worried that I'm fighting my mental issues all wrong and I just want an answer. I want the fear, self hate and anxiety to stop. | 2019-07-28T23:21:40.000Z | cj31oy | 2 | 7 | ptsd | How do I know I have PTSD? | 0.9 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cj31oy/how_do_i_know_i_have_ptsd/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-28T23:17:04.000Z | cj2zps | 5 | 5 | ptsd | Scared of females and intimacy (Anyone else?) | 0.79 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cj2zps/scared_of_females_and_intimacy_anyone_else/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-28T23:13:19.000Z | cj2y4y | 3 | 2 | ptsd | I have an irrational fear of redheads | 0.63 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cj2y4y/i_have_an_irrational_fear_of_redheads/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-28T23:01:46.000Z | cj2t5s | 2 | 5 | ptsd | Diagnosed with ptsd, depression and psychotic features. | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cj2t5s/diagnosed_with_ptsd_depression_and_psychotic/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-28T22:12:03.000Z | cj287p | 6 | 3 | ptsd | Should I tell my boss about my diagnosis? | 0.8 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cj287p/should_i_tell_my_boss_about_my_diagnosis/ |
InfernoInfinity | My PTSD is a result of sexual abuse. It took me a very long time to even be open to the idea of sex. Once I began having sex with a guy I was dating it messed me up a lot. We ended up ending an otherwise great relationship because of all the sexual incompatibility and I've felt very hopeless about dating since then.
But last night I had sex with a guy who was incredibly gentle and asked permission to do everything that we did. I didn't cry or get in my head or lose my shit, and we actually had a second go round. Basically my first overwhelmingly positive sexual experience and I'm so happy that I've cried! There's hope! | 2019-07-28T21:54:30.000Z | cj20ex | 23 | 217 | ptsd | Good sex! | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cj20ex/good_sex/ |
snowwhiteeee | So for once in a long ass time I decided I wanted to go shopping, something I haven't done in so long due to having bad anxiety. I went to an h&m, tried on the clothes in the dressing room. For context, the dressing rooms were curtains and I'm rather tall. As I went out to show my guy friend that joined me, I turned and walked into the wrong stall. Of course, I closed my eyes the moment I realized someone was in it and quickly closed the curtains. I apologized so much, but she clearly was upset. I understood this. I was molested and raped a lot through my childhood to teenage years. I've dealt with so much pain and agony. So for her to say I violated her tore me to shreds. I went in my stall and the episode began. Everything I went through hit me all at once, I felt it all. I wanted to die in that stall. I felt like a disgusting human being, even though I never meant to walk in on her... I left the mall and I'm now buring my pain with drugs once again. Next time I'll crouch down to make sure it's empty... Or just stop shopping out in general. | 2019-07-28T21:23:04.000Z | cj1n78 | 1 | 8 | ptsd | I hate my life and my stupidity.. | 0.91 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cj1n78/i_hate_my_life_and_my_stupidity/ |
cuddlesnakes | I had ongoing trauma for about 5 years. Now, 7 years after that stopped, I finally found the professional help I needed, moved to another place, started studying and have a group of trustful friends.
But since it's not something that is cured within a few weeks, I often feel terrible and guilty for having really bad times. People that I care for get hurt by me talking about things that happened to me or feelings, cause empathy. I had people change the topic and told me to stop. I understand that they have their limits. But honestly, I can't take it on my own. I feel terribly alone cause people don't want to hear about pain or me causing pain to them just talking. I feel shut down, don't talk about it, act like it never happened or isn't a problem. I don't want to hurt them, but I seriously can't hide all of it. Even bits of my history are way to much to people. I am in deep pain when memories hit me. And I need support and validation. But it feels like I can't or shouldn't talk. I feel so fucking alone with my history and my feelings and like I am a burden to everyone. Some people don't feel safe with me, cause I'm in pain. Recently had a reactivation of a certain bad situation and things got worse and I can't take it all by myself but I can see the pain I'm causing when talking about it.
What's your experience with this? Any tips how to manage it? | 2019-07-28T20:18:27.000Z | cj0tfs | 2 | 6 | ptsd | Feeling guilty for feeling bad, can't talk | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cj0tfs/feeling_guilty_for_feeling_bad_cant_talk/ |
CantSeeShit | So à few months ago I got a new job and felt great, so great that I stopped going to therapy. Yesterday after a few weeks of making mistakes I got blown up on and sent home. I realized that I still need weekly therapy sessions because if I don't, than I just snowball until my mind is engulfed and eventually collapses. So now I may be jobless. I texted my boss after apologizing for my behavior and opened up about my condition, he seemed supportive but now I just feel really awkward.
Over the winter I spent time in outpatient after I got raped and was going to take my own life, it's been a long road since that shit happened to me in October and it's fucken hard to live with everyday. If I don't get the weekly help I need I just harbor everything until it collapses.
I don't know what to do now, living with the shit is all so new to me, it's awful. | 2019-07-28T19:57:24.000Z | cj0joe | 12 | 13 | ptsd | Might lose my job because of my Ptsd.. | 0.94 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cj0joe/might_lose_my_job_because_of_my_ptsd/ |
bbbybrggs | Not sure how to word this (& I’m on mobile) so sorry if this comes out confusing. I don’t want to get into the exact nature of my trauma, but essentially I witnessed a crime as a child and have never been able to get closure on who did it, where it happened, what year it was, anything. Recently I’ve been listening to a lot of true crime podcasts (I know) partially because they’re interesting but also because part of me hopes maybe one of them will be what I saw. I feel a deep and almost sibling like bond to the victim of the crime I witnessed and often wish I could do anything to help them but ultimately can’t because I know so little about them. | 2019-07-28T19:06:23.000Z | cizvzy | 2 | 4 | ptsd | Is anyone else here (maybe maladaptively) Into true crime? | 0.76 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cizvzy/is_anyone_else_here_maybe_maladaptively_into_true/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-28T17:32:01.000Z | ciyoqf | 2 | 6 | ptsd | Got hit by a car a few months back .... | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ciyoqf/got_hit_by_a_car_a_few_months_back/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-28T17:23:44.000Z | ciyl0c | 5 | 2 | ptsd | Symptoms of PTSD? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ciyl0c/symptoms_of_ptsd/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-28T17:02:38.000Z | ciybev | 1 | 3 | ptsd | Help coping with fear response and fawn response in a relationship (xposted from /cptsd) | 0.81 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ciybev/help_coping_with_fear_response_and_fawn_response/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-28T16:32:35.000Z | cixy4l | 1 | 2 | ptsd | my friend had a ptsd attack | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cixy4l/my_friend_had_a_ptsd_attack/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-28T15:38:03.000Z | cix9kn | 3 | 4 | ptsd | How to deal with trauma of being abandoned and not putting it onto your partner | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cix9kn/how_to_deal_with_trauma_of_being_abandoned_and/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-28T15:07:35.000Z | ciww5h | 5 | 8 | ptsd | Felt SO MUCH BETTER abroad and now I’m back to normal... ugh... | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ciww5h/felt_so_much_better_abroad_and_now_im_back_to/ |
[deleted] | [deleted] | 2019-07-28T15:04:29.000Z | ciwut0 | 3 | 8 | ptsd | I feel guilty for having PTSD and not being there. | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ciwut0/i_feel_guilty_for_having_ptsd_and_not_being_there/ |
Shius | TW Violence.
Vent. As the title suggests.
I was asleep on the bed, planning on just taking a simple nap.
When I woke up I was in a dream, but my legs wouldn't move. I was alone in a foreign room, on the ground. I was a kid. Something sinister happened, I don't remember what, but I needed to get out of that room. Immediately.
I couldn't use my legs, so I used my nails on the carpeted floor and I crawled.
I fucking crawled.
When I got to the carpeted living room, there was a red sofa on which my grandmother was sitting on. She was oblivious to my screams for help, as she sat and watched TV. Loved ones came out of the doors leading into the living room and each of them hurt me. Physically. Continuously. I escaped and crawled to the kitchen.
A loved one, a person I trusted dearly in childhood was cutting up lettuce. I raised my arms at her, screaming for help. She turned to me, and stepped on me. As hard as she could, she stomped on me, making me throw up. It hurt. It hurt so much.
The last memories of the dream include me raising my arms at her, still believing she would help me. And screaming.
I was screaming "Please help me".
In real life, my boyfriend had approached me, and woke me up. I started, apparently screaming "Please help me" in a high pitched voice. He asked if I was okay. I couldn't answer.
I took a shower to wake up, and while I was there, I kept seeing solid hallucinations. The tiles. They were filthy. They continued being filthy no matter how many times I scrubbed them with my feet and poured water over them. I left the shower feeling more awake, but shaken.
Someone, anyone, please talk to me. I think I really need help. | 2019-07-28T12:58:19.000Z | civiw0 | 15 | 81 | ptsd | I woke up from a nightmare screaming "Please help me" | 0.99 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/civiw0/i_woke_up_from_a_nightmare_screaming_please_help/ |
[deleted] | [removed] | 2019-07-28T11:25:32.000Z | ciuqws | 0 | 1 | ptsd | Want to join "Ups & Downs"? A Discord community accepting of all users (4000+)! We offer discussion from a range of topics including mental health, life and recovering from addiction, as well as active voice chats. | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ciuqws/want_to_join_ups_downs_a_discord_community/ |
taqciturnium | /r/MadOver30 is a sub for general discussion of mental health issues for people any age over 30 years. It was started about 12 months ago because some people in the community at /r/mentalillness expressed an interest in being able to discuss their mental health issues with older people. Its a relatively small, and close-knit community of 3.5k members. The sub supports all approaches to mental health, but tends to feature posts relating to more progressive thinking. All are welcome. | 2019-07-28T05:58:16.000Z | ciscj4 | 4 | 2 | ptsd | Invitation: Mental Health Sub For Over 30's: /r/MadOver30 | 0.67 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ciscj4/invitation_mental_health_sub_for_over_30s/ |
k1yuu | My new therapist thinks so and believes it has been an unaddressed problem in all 5 years of my treatment for anorexia so far. I’m doubtful since I don’t think I have flashbacks or relive memories. It is true that I went thru trauma as a kid but I’ve tried really hard to forget it so I don’t often think about it. However I do have a lot of other symptoms including:
- hypervigilance
- anxiety and panic attacks
- self-destructive behavior
- being high strung, jumpy, and twitchy
- isolation
- fear and feelings of being in danger
- restlessness/feeling keyed up all the time
- guilt and shame
- loneliness
- insomnia and nightmares (the nightmares are about exaggerated or fake situations but they feature characteristics of the trauma. these have reduced in recent years tho)
- unwanted thoughts
- avoidance (of people and life)
- inability to focus
- mood swings
- hopelessness
- dizziness and nausea
- chronic pain
- hard time remembering events
- feeling empty and lacking identity
- regression to being child-like and afraid
I looked these up and they are all symptoms of ptsd. Also I have triggers such as shouting, people throwing things, anger, aggression, sometimes physical closeness, certain days of the year, men, loud noises, arguments or conflict, and feeling like I have no control.
However I don’t experience flashbacks? Which is why I’m unsure if I really have legit ptsd. I’m still kind of in denial about my trauma which all my therapists have said were trauma.
Not looking for a diagnoses but what are your thoughts? | 2019-07-28T05:12:51.000Z | cirz2g | 1 | 4 | ptsd | Do I have PTSD? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cirz2g/do_i_have_ptsd/ |
chronicallyjulian | The nightmares dont stop, and going to sleep is just prime time for everything I've been avoiding to attempt to resurface. I just want to sleep..
I have a birthday party to go to tomorrow, my friend's 18th, and I need sleep. It's 12:32 am. | 2019-07-28T04:32:29.000Z | cirmhg | 1 | 1 | ptsd | Advice on falling asleep? | 1 | https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cirmhg/advice_on_falling_asleep/ |