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0 | 1 | Rick |
stumbles in drunkenly, and turns on the lights. Morty! You gotta
come on. Jus'... you gotta come with me. |
1 | 1 | Morty |
rubs his eyes. What, Rick? What’s going on? |
2 | 1 | Rick | I got a surprise for you, Morty. |
3 | 1 | Morty | It's the middle of the night. What are you talking about? |
4 | 1 | Rick |
spills alcohol on Morty's bed Come on, I got a surprise for you. drags
Morty by the ankle Come on, hurry up. pulls Morty out of his bed and into
the hall.
|
5 | 1 | Morty | Ow! Ow! You're tugging me too hard! |
6 | 1 | Rick | We gotta go, gotta get outta here, come on. Got a surprise for you Morty. |
7 | 1 | Rick |
Rick drives through the night sky. What do you think of this...
flying vehicle, Morty? I built it outta stuff I found in the garage. |
8 | 1 | Morty | Yeah, Rick... I-it's great. Is this the surprise? |
9 | 1 | Rick | Morty. I had to... I had to do it. I had— I had to— I had to make a bomb, Morty.
I had to create a bomb. |
10 | 1 | Morty | What?! A bomb?! |
11 | 1 | Rick | We're gonna drop it down there just get a whole fresh start, Morty. Create a
whole fresh start. |
12 | 1 | Morty | T-t-that's absolutely crazy! |
13 | 1 | Rick | Come on, Morty. Just take it easy, Morty. It's gonna be good. Right now, we're
gonna go pick up your little friend Jessica. |
14 | 1 | Morty | Jessica? From my math class? |
15 | 1 | Rick |
puts an arm around Morty’s shoulders. When I drop the bomb you
know, I want you to have somebody, you know? I want you to have the thing. I'm
gonna make it like a new Adam and Eve, and you're gonna be Adam. |
16 | 1 | Morty | Ohh... |
17 | 1 | Rick | And Jessica's gonna be Eve. |
18 | 1 | Morty | Whhhh-wha? |
19 | 1 | Rick | And so that's the surprise, Morty. |
20 | 1 | Morty | No, you can't! shoves Rick away. Jessica doesn't even know I
exist! But—but, but forget about that, because you can't blow up humanity! |
21 | 1 | Rick | I-I get what you're trying to say, Morty. Listen, I'm not... spills
alcohol down his shirt. You don't got... Y-you don’t gotta worry
about me trying to fool around with Jessica or mess around with Jessica or
anything. I'm not that kind of guy, Morty. |
22 | 1 | Morty | What are you talking about, Rick? |
23 | 1 | Rick | You-you don't have to worry about me getting with Jessica or anything.
Sh-sh-she— she, she, she's all for you, Morty. |
24 | 1 | Morty | I don't care about Jessica! Y-Yyyyyyyyyyou— |
25 | 1 | Rick | You know what, Morty? You're right. throws empty bottle into the
backseat) Let's forget the girl altogether. She, she's probably nothing but
trouble, anyways. (presses a button.
|
26 | 1 | Robot Voice | Arming neutrino bomb. |
27 | 1 | Morty |
unbuckles his seatbelt) That's it... that's it, Rick. I'm taking the
wheel. (jumps up on Rick and starts fighting with him over control of the
wheel. |
28 | 1 | Rick | Get off of me, Morty! they begin to talk over each other.
|
29 | 1 | Morty | I'm taking charge of this situation, buddy! starts kicking Rick's face
while grabbing the wheel. |
30 | 1 | Rick |
at the same time) Come on! What’s gotten into you? If you love Earth so
much why don’t you marry it? (pushes Morty) What are you, crazy? Alright,
alright, Morty. (pushes Morty off of him. |
31 | 1 | Rick | Alright. I'll-I'll land. I'll land. I'll land. I'll land the thing. I’ll land
the thing. Big tough guy all of a sudden. |
32 | 1 | Rick |
Rick lands the cruiser in an open desert; he opens the door and tumbles
out among dozens of empty alcohol cans and bottles. |
33 | 1 | Morty | Oh, thank god. |
34 | 1 | Rick | You know what? That was all a test, Morty. Just an elaborate test to make you
more assertive. |
35 | 1 | Morty | It was? |
36 | 1 | Rick | Sure. Why not? I don’t, I don't know. Y-you know what, Mo— falls asleep
and begins snoring. |
37 | 1 | Robot Voice | Neutrino bomb armed. |
38 | 1 | Morty | Um... |
39 | 1 | Jerry | I see there's a new episode of that singing show tonight. Who do you guys think
is gonna be the best singer? |
40 | 1 | Summer | Oh my God, his head is in his food. I'm going to puke. |
41 | 1 | Beth | Morty, are you getting sick? Morty lifts his head, clearly exhausted, and
wipes food from his face |
42 | 1 | Morty | I wasn't kissing a pillow, mom. I just I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
Maybe my dreams were just too loud or something. |
43 | 1 | Summer | Or maybe you were out all night again with Grandpa Rick. |
44 | 1 | Jerry | What? |
45 | 1 | Beth | Dad? |
46 | 1 | Rick | What, so everyone's supposed to sleep every single night now? You realize that
nighttime makes up half of all time? |
47 | 1 | Jerry | Damn it! |
48 | 1 | Beth | Jerry! |
49 | 1 | Jerry | Beth! |
50 | 1 | Summer | Oh my god, my parents are so loud, I want to die. |
51 | 1 | Rick | Mm, there is no God, Summer. You gotta rip that band-aid off now. You'll thank
me later. |
52 | 1 | Jerry |
glaring at Rick. Okay, with all due respect, Rick— what am I
talking about? What respect is due? How is my son supposed to pass his classes
if you keep dragging him off for high-concept Sci-Fi rigamarole? |
53 | 1 | Rick | Listen, Jerry. I-I-I don't want to overstep my bounds or anything. It's your
house. It's your world. You're a real Julius Caesar but I'll tell you
something—tell you how I feel about school, Jerry. It's a waste of time.
Jerry stares incredulously at him) Buncha people running around,
bumping into each other. G-guy up front says, "two plus two." The people in
the back say, "four." Then the—then the bell rings, and they give you a
carton of milk and a piece of paper that says you can go take a dump or
something. I mean, it's not a place for smart people, Jerry. And I know
that's not a popular opinion, but it's my two cents on the issue. (wipes his
mouth and gets up, stopping behind Beth and putting a hand on her shoulder)
This was a good breakfast, Beth. You really made the crap out of those eggs.
I wish your mother was here to eat them. (Rick gives Beth a kiss and walks
away. |
54 | 1 | Beth |
tears up in happiness. Oh, dad… |
55 | 1 | Jerry | What? For real? Morty's face slams into his plate again.
|
56 | 1 | Mr. Goldenfold | Alright, now, everybody get settled. Get away from the windows! |
57 | 1 | Mr. Goldenfold | Now, look, we're gonna be dealing with some real serious stuff today. You might
have heard of it. It's called math? And without it, none of us would even exist,
so let's jump right in. Two plus two. |
58 | 1 | All classmates except Morty | Four.Morty, sitting in the back row, stares at Jessica, who sits in the
front row, answering Jessica’s name for the questions. |
59 | 1 | Morty | Jessica. |
60 | 1 | Mr. Goldenfold | Five plus five. |
61 | 1 | All classmates except Morty | Ten. |
62 | 1 | Morty | Jessica. Jessica hears Morty and looks back, confused, not sure who’s
saying her name. |
63 | 1 | Mr. Goldenfold | Okay, good. It's time for the quiz. |
64 | 1 | Class | Awwwwww. |
65 | 1 | Mr. Goldenfold | Yeah, you know what?! Aw, too bad! Tough! First row, take one. Pass it back for
me. The stakes are high in this room. Morty stares at the quiz; the
numbers on the quiz jumble together as Morty falls asleep |
66 | 1 | Jessica | Hi, Morty. |
67 | 1 | Morty | Whoa! Hi, Jessica. |
68 | 1 | Jessica | Can I show these to you? Jessica opens her shirt, showing Morty her
breasts. |
69 | 1 | Morty | Wow. Th-they're both great. Thank you! |
70 | 1 | Jessica | You know what I named these? My little Morties. |
71 | 1 | Morty |
rubs the back of his neck. Uh, that's flattering... and a little
weird. |
72 | 1 | Jessica | Do you know what I want you to do with them? |
73 | 1 | Morty | Rename them? |
74 | 1 | Jessica | Squeeze them. Manhandle them. Give them the business. See if you can shuffle
them. I mean, really get in there and knock them around. No wrong answers. |
75 | 1 | Morty | Wow. Well, okay, Jessica. L-let's give this a shot. Morty grabs her
breasts and starts fondling her. |
76 | 1 | Jessica | Mm. Oh, Morty. What are you doing to me? |
77 | 1 | Morty | Uh, I-I'm just doing my best. in real life, class has ended and Morty is
fondling Mr. Goldenfold. |
78 | 1 | Mr. Goldenfold | Morty! What are you doing to me?! |
79 | 1 | Morty |
sleep-talking. Ah, Jessica. |
80 | 1 | Mr. Goldenfold | Morty! |
81 | 1 | Morty | Jessica. |
82 | 1 | Mr. Goldenfold | Five more minutes of this, and I'm gonna get mad. leans back and bites his
lip. |
83 | 1 | Morty | Je-Jessica. Jessica. |
84 | 1 | Mr. Goldenfold | Not my fault this is happening. |
85 | 1 | Frank |
Morty is at his locker, where he is confronted by a bully, Frank
Palicky. |
86 | 1 | Morty | Uh, morning, Frank. |
87 | 1 | Frank |
pins Morty to his locker "Morning"? What was what is that
supposed to mean? You making fun of me? Are you trying to say my family's poor?
takes out a pocket knife and points it at Morty's neck.
|
88 | 1 | Morty | Oh, geez, Frank. I don't know if a knife is necessary. I mean, you know, y-you
kind of had things handled without it. |
89 | 1 | Frank | You telling me how to bully now? Big mistake, Morty and now I'm gonna cut you,
'cause my family's rich. Frank suddenly freezes and Rick steps out from
behind him. |
90 | 1 | Rick | There you are, Morty. Listen to me. I got an errand to run in a whole different
dimension. I need an extra pair of hands. |
91 | 1 | Morty | Oh, geez, Rick. W-w-what'd you do to Frank? |
92 | 1 | Rick | It's pretty obvious, Morty. I froze him. Now listen I need your help, Morty. I
mean, we got we got to get get the hell out of here and go take care of
business. burps. It's important. Come on, Morty. |
93 | 1 | Morty | I don't know, Rick. I can't leave school again. |
94 | 1 | Rick | Do you have any concept of how much higher the stakes get out there, Morty? What
do you think I can just do it all by myself? Come on! |
95 | 1 | Morty | Aw, geez. Okay. I guess I can skip history. What about Frank? I mean, shouldn't
you unfreeze him? |
96 | 1 | Rick | I'll do it later, Morty. He'll be fine. Let's go. takes off with Morty
and then Summer comes by, seeing Frank's frozen body. |
97 | 1 | Summer |
in her headOh, my God. I'm about to walk past Frank Palicky. This
is the story we'll be telling our children. walks up to Frank and talks
to him, oblivious to the fact that he's frozen. |
98 | 1 | Summer | Hi, Frank. Frank's frozen foot breaks and he drops to the ground and
shatters into a million pieces, dying. |
99 | 1 | Summer | AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! |