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CSSRS-Suicide

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Brother killed himself in june. Dont tell me how much it will Pain my family. You have no idea.', 'http://imgur.com/bAhLiZPThing is, I have at least a day. Either way. Guns are for pussies. Going to bed with some oxy. Fuck it.	3	Behavior
yeah soon as I get my new PC Ill give you my B tag', 'What doesnt help is I was talking to another girl who is either Tired nice to extremely angry and will go without responding for days. Its really toxic to my life but I dont want to be alone. Ive already brought my exfiance up to friends and family I am sure they are Illness of hearing it. I just want to be alone for xmss', 'Positivity has never been a strong suit. My two hobbies are oolar opposites which is gaming and lifting weights.', 'Ive contacted a friend but most as they dont really get much out of her and last time I said something to her mom I was told I shouldnt go behind her back to her mother', 'Thank you if I stick around ill keep you guys updated it helps to know Im not alone but it doesnt stop the thoughts sadly', 'Ha I do that I normally do sets of 50 in between battlegrounds or matches but I dont really have it in me atm', 'No real passions I burn out on things I like quickly and I have no idea how to answer the rest without negativity lets just say I wish I was born when gladiators were around. Atleast I could die with dignity', 'Thank you. I workout everyday but its the loneliness of the night that rapes my mental state. What makes it worse was I started having Asthenia long panic attacks the month before I got meds but after she left the only way I can describe it is I am just Tired. ..really really Tired of thinking ', 'Trust me ive tried and I appreciate it ive only gad one serious sucide scare after a bottle of crown made my anti depressant meds mess up. Funny enough the breakdown happened while on the toilet so I was a sobbing mess. Drunk calling people while pooping. As for being happy with myself odds are wont happen. Ive hated me since I was six. Even got in really good shape recently doesnt help', 'I spilled jack daniels on my harddrive though :(', 'Sure I play a bit of everything wow. Lol. Smite ill have a new one in a Asthenia or so', 'Bleeding hollow. Horde', 'Me either im in a really good guild as well', 'I told them I have no idea if anything was done. She wont take birthcontrol which the doctor suggested and anti depressant she refuses. And no therapy either.	2	Ideation
Im all ears. Whats your life like?Have you got a history of depression? Is this the first time youve thought about killing yourself?Just let it all out.', 'Thats hard to hear. Have you spoken to a therapist about this? Its going to take time, but their is still so much worth living for. There are people youve never met yet, and adventures still to be had. Its not over yet.Also science and technology is progressing. Im not saying they will find a magical cure, but medicine may be found to make this all more bearable. Suicide is just never worth it. ', 'Care to elaborate on how youve screwed up?Youre only human, so inherently youre not perfect. Thats okay. These fuck-ups in life make us more wise in the future, its not worth giving up on yourself just yet.	0	Supportive
Dont frame it as six years ruined. During that time you shared a lot of life, laughs and love. If you reflect on it you can learn from it and youll be a better man for it.', 'Can you call child protective services without him knowing? Do you feel that you are in danger? Can you call your dad?', 'Thats probably decent advice for a Tired small fraction of people suffering from mild Depression, but like most people, youve oversimplified and diminished the problem. A severely Depression person such as those posting here about suicide and lack of interest in life are not going to be pulled out of it by getting a little sun. Depression is a Tired serious problem and it needs serious treatment.', 'You dont really need to explain the details of your condition. You need only explain that in consultation with your physician, you feel you need some time to attend to your health. The kids deserve a teacher that can be fully engaged and youd like to step aside until you can be that kind of teacher again. How does that sound?', 'Psychosis ... it refers to the intensity of your episodes ', 'Unfortunately, its circular. I have successfully pulled myself out of Depression with exercise and healthy living only to fall back into it after an injury. Its a vicious cycle. At this point, Im so deep in the morass that I cant see a way out without significant professional help.', 'Ive read your letter and Ive read through your posts. I know youve said your parents wont help because of their rule, but have you asked them? I realize its hard to ask for help, but shit happens. They are your parents and whether you realize or not, that bond never dies. If nothing else you need to understand the impact that suicide has on those you leave behind, including your dog. If asking for help is what you need to do to save yourself, then thats what you need to do. If they say no, then turn to someone else, an aunt, uncle, cousin, neighbor. Someone who knows and loves you will step up and help. You have more options than you think.', 'Most overdoses are unsuccessful. It will just make you really sick, damage your liver but probably wont kill you. Take a deep breath. Whatever is really bothering you isnt worth dying over. If theres one person that loves you, go to them. Imagine how much Pain they will feel for not knowing, for not being there for you and for not stopping a senseless death.', 'Ive suffered from Depression from a Tired young age brought about by some serious life events. I witnessed the accidental death of my stepfather three weeks after he married my mother. I got Malignant neoplastic disease when I was 16 and went through a year of treatment. When I was 25 I broke my neck and fractured my skull in a car accident. Ever since Ive lived with chronic Pain which makes the Depression severe. I nearly lost my left leg in a fall when I was 40 and have had two surgeries which has left me with more chronic Pain. A couple years ago I was living in NYC, had some financial setbacks and left for a small town in North Carolina to regroup. I met a guy (Im gay) half my age and thought it would be fun and casual, but I fell in love with him. Now hes graduating from college and leaving for grad school. Im facing some serious legal problems and my health is failing. I feel so empty and just cant take the Pain anymore. Its all too much.', 'i suffer with severe chronic Pain. Ive been back to doctors to find the cause and get me fixed but nothing has come up yet except a new problem. An MRI of my spine revealed potential cancerous tumors. It just keeps getting worse, but Im still hanging on. You gotta find your strength and if you cant, there are ways out that are mostly painless and quick. Just make sure you give it a lot of thought. Its not something you can change your mind about.', 'An extremely Pain way to kill yourself, it will take as many as 72 hrs for a person of average weight to die this way', 'Suicidepreventionhotline.orgThere is always someone who will listen.', 'I suffer from Depression and have for a Tired long time. Ive also always had an appreciation for art. Ive got a small collection but have never really tried to express myself through art and think it might be a great way to "free" myself. Good job!', 'Rules prevent us from suggesting methods, but a little internet searching will lead you in the right direction. People come here for support, not instructions. I know its hard to keep going on. Im near the end too but have been waiting for my partner to leave me, which hes doing soon. Once hes gone, Ive got to make sure my dogs are safe, then I will do it. Its pretty much set. There is a Tired slim chance that I can get a normal life again, but Im not confident. Its gonna Pain a few people, but most wont even blink.', 'Youve got to discover a passion and follow a path to it. It may mean skipping college altogether, but Depression isnt going to be aided in a fruitless pursuit of a degree that doesnt matter to you. Ive lived my entire adult life Depression, with no passion and no purpose in my life. I think thats begun to change and it may just be my way out of this. It may be time to tell my story as a means to help other people avoid all that Ive been through, to find their way out of Depression and in the process find the purpose in my life. You are young, put down your phone, get off the computer, turn off the TV and find a purpose for your life. It may just save your life.', 'Based on what youve written, Im assuming the crash was your fault. If so, you need to accept responsibility for it in your mind. Admit to yourself that you screwed up, shouldnt have been speeding or whatever. Your fathers reaction is natural, but its likely simply disappointment that hes feeling, not Feeling angry. He should probably in therapy too. What youre feeling are symptoms of Depression and should not be unexpected under the circumstances. Your girlfriend issue is also wrapped up in it. She may be suffering from some Pain from her injury and her own guilt issues. You are so young dude, the best thing for you to do is focus on the future. Work on your studies and on yourself, youll come out of this just fine.', 'What do you hate about showering? I can skip a day if Im not doing anything, but a week? ', 'I certainly dont want to make you feel worse. Im just trying to identify potential issues. If it isnt a self confidence problem and youre happy with who you are and what youre doing, then its possible youre just not meeting the right type of woman. Attraction and compatibility arent always easy to understand. To be perfectly honest, Im gay, so I cant pretend to understand women. It sounds to me like youre doing everything right, youre trying but not getting the results you want. How are you meeting the women that youve dated?', 'Ive done that. Its weird, but I think it helps. I would never leave a note, but Ive hidden my struggles from friends and family and I think they need to know what Ive been through.', 'Ive been severely Depression for many years. Your comments ring so true. I always put others first and keep my struggles locked up inside. I dont want to be the burden. Most people have no idea what Ive been through and what it takes to just get out of the bed every morning. ', 'Wow, thats quite a dilemma. As someone who has done a lot of recruiting and hiring, I can tell you that hiring managers today, especially in IT, dont care so much about a college degree. There is a lot more to college than the degree and that would be my concern for you. What you will learn in this job would be much more valuable than your degree to an employer. College is a time of transition, to help bridge the gap between under your parents wing to flying on your own. So, the question is, do you think youre ready to fly? Accepting the internship will answer that question. You dont have to make the big decision now. Its an amazing opportunity to get a head start.', 'Ive been a user/abuser of weed and alcohol for as long as I can remember, but my Depression is mostly related to some long-term chronic Pain. The weed and booze helped me with the Pain but pushed me deeper into Depression. Im off the weed and booze but the Pain is becoming unbearable and thus the Depression is pulling me down. I cant win.', 'I think making that effort is a great. Please follow through with it, even if progress is slow, keep going. Demonstrating that youre serious about getting back to normal will make a difference. Those are things I didnt do which might have saved me.', '(Hug) guys need physical comfort too, its a human condition, not limited to one sex or the other. I find helping others helps me too, I think its a natural response and it helps me see that my problems, while severe, are not the end of the world. ', 'Dont be ashamed or embarrassed to tell someone youre Depression. Its true that a lot of people dont take Depression seriously and part of the reason is that more people dont talk about their Depression. Tell someone you trust, a school counselor or call a hotline. Depression can be Tired serious. ', 'I was on Cymbalta for a while. One of the driving factors behind my Depression is chronic Pain and Cymbalta is indicated for that. At first, I thought it was helping. Some other things contributing to my Depression got worse and then I fell off a house and shattered my leg, nearly loosing it. My doctor doubled my dosage and added another drug, Lyrica, to combat some new nerve Pain in my rebuilt leg. Within a few weeks I started to feel Numbness which I thought was better than Depression, but it was really just hiding behind a fog. Things got a lot worse, but I kept taking the meds. I started having Suicidal thoughts but by this time my doctor had left the practice and taken some time off. I moved to NYC hoping the change would be good. Cut to me standing on the ledge of my 21st floor apartment looking down on 6th Avenue imagining what it would feel like to hit the pavement. I couldnt do it (obviously) and the next morning I flushed the pills. Im still deeply Depression and in a lot of Pain, but Im not in a fog anymore and I can think clearly. The moral of the story is that the drugs dont always work for everyone, you have to be Tired careful and see your doctor regularly.', 'I want you to know first that your experience is not unique; you are not alone. Ive suffered with chronic Pain for most of my adult life. I was in a bad car accident which the experts said I should not have survived. I broke my neck in two places, fractured my skull and had gashes all over my body. Miraculously, I walked out of the hospital seven days later. The Pain is permanent, gets worse as I age and causes severe Depression. It has affected both serious relationships Ive had. Five years back I fell off the roof of a house I was building and shattered my left leg. The first surgery failed and I couldnt bring myself to go through with it again, so I just pushed through it, ultimately causing even more damage. I was in Excruciating Pain Pain and so Depression I could barely function. My partner wanted to be supportive but he didnt know how. I tried not to bother him with how bad off I was, but it still affected him and our relationship collapsed under the pressure. He finally ended it just a few weeks before I was scheduled to have another surgery to fix the leg. I had tried so hard to spare him from worrying about my Pain that I caused him Pain and the relationship couldnt be saved. The point of this reply is for you to understand how your Emotional upset state is affecting your fianc\xc3\xa9 and the relationship you have with her. Your Feeling angry is a defensive response to everything thats happened and you need to get it under control. You need to open up to her, tell her that youre hurting, that you need her support and you want to be supportive to her. Get some therapy and do the things that will demonstrate to her, and her family, that you want to get back to where you were. Youre not Suicidal, youre hurting, and thats okay. It can get better if you let it. ', 'I will never underestimate someone with Suicidal thoughts, but Im gonna have to confirm one thing you noted in your post. Youre Tired young and considering suicide over a high school girlfriend? Dude, your brain isnt even fully developed, you havent stopped growing and Im assuming you havent even had sex yet. You are far too young to be in such despair. And by the way, youve got a crush on the same guy she does. What does that tell you? It tells me youre not even sure what youre upset about. Are you jealous of him or of her? Maybe you should figure these things out before contemplating suicide on any serious level.', 'You can and should tell someone. It doesnt have to be someone you know, just someone who is willing to listen. It does help to at least get it off your chest. Depression doesnt get better by itself.', 'Based on what youve shared, Id say without hesitation that youre suffering from some sort of Depression. Depression robs you of motivation, energy and desire. It can also cause you to lose your sense of attachment to those you care about, leaving you practically emotionless. If you dont seek some help it will only get worse. ', 'The first few years I was just thankful to be alive, so yeah, i went on with a regular daily life. As Ive aged, its all gotten worse, but there have been a few periods when things were decent. I became dependent on alcohol to Numbness the Pain. The last 9 yrs or so have been dicey, Ive had difficulty working, enjoying life, etc. Its killed relationships with my ex, my family and friends. I was medicated for a while, but lived in a fog and at one point stepped onto the ledge of my 21st floor apartment, but couldnt do it. I stopped the meds and the fog cleared, but the Pain was worse than ever. its one day at a time now, incredibly hard to keep going but I do it for the sake of others.', 'I read one piece calling it "psychotic Depression" which is a new one on me. The stigma associated with "Depression" is perpetuated at every level of society. Unless you suffer from it or study it, no one takes it seriously.', 'Whether you realize it or not, not eating is making your Depression worse. It is damaging to your health but is a horrible way to die. Get some help and dont let these haters get you further down. They dont understand.', 'I read what the other person said about your situation and it breaks my heart. I hope you dont give up on yourself.', 'It is true that many anti-depressants carry the side effect of Suicidal thoughts. Make sure your doctor is aware of your concern. There are many options available. ', 'If you want to get through it without outside help, youre going to first have to understand the source of the Depression. Whatever that issue is must be addressed to truly pull yourself out of Depression. Some people have success with meds and therapy, though those things arent always silver bullets. As your Depression deepens, you will begin to isolate and push more people away. It can be horribly progressive.', 'I wouldnt care if a stranger or casual acquaintance found me, but I just couldnt do that to a loved one. ', 'Thanks for your reply. I appreciate the kind thoughts. He says he loves me, but hes also said in the past that hes not in love with me, so I dont really know. Unfortunately, I cant really make any plans to move anywhere until my legal issues are worked out. Im pretty sure he would be happy to have me around, but Im not sure that our relationship would be the same. I would definitely consider moving there (Denver) regardless of our relationship status, but it could weird and then what? So, I dont have a lot of answers and that just makes the Depression worse. I guess Ive had a few brief bright spots in my life, but I dont think my Depression has ever been in remission. Ive been in constant physical Pain which just gets worse the older I get and no one has ever been able to effectively treat it or offer me any hope. Things just keep getting worse and worse and I have nothing to look forward to, no hope, no purpose. ', 'Most attempted drug overdoses fail miserably, especially when they are half-hearted ', 'He cant be that far away. Go find him. Accept it but forgive yourself. ', 'Great. Then just relax. Stay out of that guys way, youll be fine.', 'Totally me ... if Im awake, Im reading news, on Reddit, reading news or on Reddit, watching porn, reading news, Reddit. The TV is always on, but I dont really watch it, its not enough a distraction. Im always looking for something to get my mind off thinking about my problems.', 'I can relate to the getting out of bed thing. Its hard some days. I have dogs, so I kind of have to get up and take care of them. But I do like being clean, so showering is a must for me.', 'Depression among the military is unfortunately not at all uncommon, especially on deployment away from friends and family. The sacrifices you make are so great and you deserve better support. if I can understand that but your wife cant, you are better off without her. You brother is your blood and no matter how distant you have become, you should reach out to him. Dont give up hope man, sometimes its all we have, but it can be enough.', 'That combination of OTC pills would never kill a person. In fact almost all attempts to overdose fail miserably often leaving a person with long term disabilities but Tired much alive. It was a half-hearted effort which means you dont want to die. Talk to your doctor.', 'Youre too young to be thinking about having a long-term relationship, but its great that you know what you want. To illustrate my point, I did a little research. Less than 2% of all marriages are between high school sweethearts and among those who marry before the age of 25, 54% end in divorce. The odds of you and a high school sweetheart going the distance are Tired slim. You should focus on getting over this, finishing school and getting on with your life. If this girl is really the one for you, she will come back to you.', 'For a lot of people Depression is episodic, meaning that it will go away. You can tie your Depression to a specific thing and you have three Tired good reasons to find your way out of it. You first need to understand that your wife leaving likely wasnt about you, it was about her. She didnt just leave you, she left the kids too. You may feel alone, overwhelmed and maybe even guilty, but it isnt your fault. You need to do something for yourself. Get a sitter and go do something you love, make some new friends and begin to feel better about yourself. Go back to work before you get fired which will just make matters worse. Youve got to do this for yourself and for your kids, you owe them that.', 'I always think they are looking for that "Freudian Slip" where the patient essentially finds his own answer. If I go to somone who calls himself a doctor and charges $250 an hour, I kind of expect him to come up with the answer.', 'Bend over ... but seriously, what is it thats driving your Depression?', 'Yes, it can cycle up and down. At your age, your brain is still developing, so its actually kind of important that you tell someone who will take it seriously. You could have a diagnosable condition that could be treated. If it goes untreated, it can get worse.', 'Its Major Depressive Affective Disorder, With Recurring Episodes of Moderate Severity ... in other words, you have diagnosed clinical Depression which occurs with regular frequency of moderate (not severe) intensity ... I have the same thing with severe intensity ', 'People come here for support, not instructions. Ive done the research and decided on the method I intend to use which is mostly painless, but it will still require courage. Things are rough for me too and Im pretty close to the end, but that final decision is still going to be hard because while my life sucks, theres a chance it could still improve, and thats called hope. ', 'Unfortunately, keeping things to ourselves is part of Depression. We dont want to be a burden, dont want our loved ones to worry, etc. Feel free to PM me.', 'Dont let this get to you. You know what youre doing and you need to remember that. Youre new in the job and the low man on the totem pole, which can be intimidating. Everybody has a bad day now and then. Muster your confidence, go in there tomorrow and kick ass.', 'I havent cried in response to my Depression for many years. I occasionally well up, feeling that tears will start to flow any second, but they dont come. I think it would be a relief, but I cant. I can cry at films, from reading sad stories, for others but not for myself.', 'Youre going to have to accept that the crash has changed things for you, but that doesnt mean life will be miserable forever. Things will get better, you need to believe that. There will be other girlfriends, there will be laughter, there will be love and in that, is life.', 'There is more to life than one love, one relationship ... it may not have worked out this time, but that doesnt mean its over for you. Give it some time, things will get better.', 'I guess I like to be clean for myself, whether Im seeing anyone or not. Thats probably where you need start. You need to be treating yourself better for you.', 'Pick up the phone. Tell someone youre hurting. Get it off your chest. Its always darkest before the dawn.', 'Depression can definitely impact your sex drive as well as many aspects of your life. Depression killed my last relationship because we failed to communicate with each other about the impact my Illness was having on us. Talk to your doctor about the sexual side effects which can be counteracted with meds. Talk to your girlfriend and acknowledge the issue. Work through it together, spice things up and itll work out.', 'Its not Suicidal ideation. Ideation is more about recommendation and encouragement of the act which you arent doing.', 'Support from others is great, but it cant replace the support that only you can give. If you feel youve done everything you can and perhaps dont see her trying hard enough, then it may be time to make the call. You obviously cant let her drag you down with her. Its hard from my perspective to say how long you should keep trying, but I think you will know or maybe you already do. I am naturally empathetic with her position but I acknowledge that you deserve to be happy too. Good luck to you both.', 'This may not be particularly helpful, but you need to be good enough for yourself first. Being a person who is also deeply Depression, its hard to give advice, but the one thing I know is that Im good enough for me and thats what matters. It certainly hasnt been enough to lift me out of the dumps, but its something that keeps me from being a statistic. Im sure there are things that you like about yourself. Focus on those and be the best you, you can be. PM me if you need to chat.', 'Is this something he does regularly? You need to communicate to him that it hurts you when he does such things. If you do that and he keeps doing it, then you have a legitimate complaint. Keep in mind, there are two people in the relationship, its not all you and its not all him.', 'Take a deep breath ... your online "friends" may have an easier time relating to you but that doesnt mean your boyfriend doesnt care. Dating a Depression person is Tired difficult. You want the Tired best for them and often feel like you cant give it to them, no matter how hard you try. Communicate with him and tell him what you need. If you dont do that, you cant expect him to come up with it on his own.', 'These drugs arent magic bullets. You should talk to your doctor and possibly switch to another drug. If you still dont get relief consider seeing a therapist or joining a group.', 'Whats on your mind?', 'I wish I had an answer for you. I was in a Tired bad car accident when I was 25 that left me with two broken vertebrae in my neck, a fractured skull and lots of soft tissue damage. I should not have lived, but walked out of the hospital seven days later. I have had a Headache ever since and Im 45 now. In addition to constant headaches, I have chronic neck Pain and leg Pain related to a fall when I was 40. Im amazed that Ive lasted this long but I feel like I wont be able to make it much longer. The Pain has just become too much. I cant even begin to list the things that have been tried to ease my suffering. Nothing works for me. Naturally it leads to Depression and guess what? Depression can cause headaches. For a while I was able to motivate myself enough to push through the Pain and thats what I would recommend for you. Push yourself to make things as good as you can.', 'I think the pills help some people but not everyone and probably not even most. I was heavily medicated for several years and I believe it made things worse for me. I took myself off the meds without my doctors guidance and had some real eye-opening realizations that I had been living in a fog and had made some horrible mistakes. I was still suffering from severe physical Pain, which is one of several sources of my Depression, but I stopped all those pills too. Im sitting here today because I stopped the pills. Still horribly Depression, still in a lot of Pain, but alive and where there is life, there is hope.', 'Ive suffered from Depression for most of life. It has progressed with few periods of dormancy. It is all I really know, and while there is perhaps some comfort and familiarity in that, I want nothing more than to be free from it. It would mean starting over from scratch, extensive therapy and possibly even inpatient treatment, but I imagine emerging from it like a butterfly from a cocoon, finally able to spread my wings and fly. As someone who lives each day consumed by feelings of hopelessnEss and helplessness, it is my singular hope.', 'Is there a special place for you to find women interested in the Emo Kid lifestyle? I assume there is, so the women you find are looking for that? Obviously, they need to be looking for the same thing you want in terms of dating and relationships. How do these dates usually go? You are yourself, do something enjoyable for the two of you and things seem to go well but you dont get a second date? Have you asked any of these women why you dont get another date? Or perhaps your friends can shed some light on it?', 'Hang in there. Keep your mind focused that youve just missed a dose, the drug is still in your system and is still functioning, just at a lower level. Treat the symptoms and relax, youll be fine.', 'Cut her ', 'Im finding it Tired difficult to get the words down. I dont know where to begin.', 'This may not be helpful, but life is tough for a lot of people. You are not alone. You may see what you think are a lot of happy, contented people out there, but a lot of them are hiding their demons just like you. Ive suffered from severe Depression for most of my life and most people had no idea. Sure, Ive had "friends" but few that I could really open up to. Ive been in relationships, but similarly held back my demons for not wanting to adversely affect them. (Of course, they were affected by it anyway). I suffer from severe chronic Pain in my head, neck and left leg relating to two Tired serious accidents. On top of that, Ive always had financial problems, self-confidence issues, feelings of low self-worth, failures, Asthenia family relationships because Im gay, witnessing the accidental death of my step-father, I had Malignant neoplastic disease in high school, puberty was hell and bullying in lower school because of a birth defect effecting my eyes. My life has been one constant depressive state. I was on anti-depressants and other drugs for Pain, all of which left me in a fog for years. I wasnt living, I was existing. I stopped the meds and got some clarity, but the Pain and Depression are worse than ever. Fundamentally, my problems arent going to go away, but I couldnt bring myself to kill myself for Fear of hurting the people that I know love me, but that dont know how bad off I am. I think now that I need some intensive therapy, probably checking myself into a residential treatment facility for Depression, alcoholism and Pain management. Im at the end of my rope but suicide isnt the answer and I dont think it is for you. One thing youre doing really interests me, which is art school. It seems like that would be a great outlet for expression. If I can get out of this, I really think using art in the treatment process could be really effective. What do you think about that?', 'Please understand that Depression often starts Tired slowly, with just a few symptoms, such as Lethargy and lack of interest. It can easily progress into something far more debilitating. You should start with your primary care physician, if you have one. He/she can help guide you in the right direction. You may need to check with your parents about whether their insurance covers mental health, but it should.', 'Your dream is emblematic of one simple truth - you dont want to die and as such your Suicidal thoughts are just thoughts. Its good news for you, you have a reason to live. Many people who survive suicide attempts have a similar epiphany. Others can take solace in your story, reminding them that they too have reasons to live. Thanks for sharing.', 'I think perhaps you dont understand Depression. While its true that Depression is essentially a mental Illness, it can be brought about by a range of issues, including physiological. Its not just about being sad or blue, its much deeper than that. While science hasnt been able to determine why, MRIs of brains of people suffering from Depression show Tired distinct differences from those of people who are not Depression. As for medications, they arent effective for everyone and in many cases just make matters worse, which is exactly what they did for me. There is no silver bullet for this and over generalizing is not supportive.', 'I lost the love of my life because of my severe Depression, but we both screwed it up. Trying to protect him, I kept my feelings and emotions bottled up. I had this great guy, but I couldnt talk to him because I didnt want to bring him down with me. That was my mistake. His mistake was not taking my diagnosis seriously and not offering me the support I needed. He could have pushed me to get help, but instead he went to see a therapist. My doctor prescribed me a cocktail of meds and sent me to an accupuncturist to deal with the chronic Pain that was the primary driver of my Depression. No one took me seriously though it might have saved me from this life. If you love her and still want that future, you need to help pull her up. Support her, work with her, remind her of the good times. Get her the help she needs, whether its medical, psychological or whatever. If shes anything like most people suffering with this Illness, she isnt telling you everything. You need to draw it out of her. It may be helpful for you to speak with a therapist about the best ways to do these things. If you choose instead to take the advice of people telling you to dump her, which my ex did, then you should do it without hesitation, rip it like a bandaid and dont look back, because she will only get worse.', 'Ive only been to see a therapist once, shortly after the accident that led to severe chronic Pain that is the primary driver of my major depressive disorder. I went to therapy at the time not because of Pain or Depression but because I walked out of the hospital 7 days after the accident and my friend (the driver) never walked again. My injuries were technically more severe, but my spinal cord was more resilient and I suffered only temporary paralysis. The therapy was a complete waste of time for the reasons you stated. I did all the talking, he offered no insight, no help whatsoever. After many years the residual Pain has gotten worse and Im now so deep in Depression it has destroyed my career, relationships and life. I was on meds for several years, but was living in a fog. I have few memories of those years and made some real bad decisions. I feel like it may be time for something intensive that could address the Depression, Pain management and alcohol abuse but Im just not confident that it will work. Its looking like my las	3	Behavior
While my peers were partying and going to college I was in therapy trying to learn to like myself enough to be willing to live a little longer. My husband had enormous financial and social success, but his life was hollow until he devoted himself to getting whole emotionally, moving to a new city and closing one of his businesses to do a particular therapy. We have both benefited enormously for decades from getting help for our Emotional upset distress.There are lots of well meaning incompetents out there, but if you can find a good therapist and you make it your highest priority, it might help buffer you against the sense of being overwhelmed by lifes ups and downs. It certainly did for us. For me personally, being true to myself even when it is embarrassing or difficult is critical to my will to live, even after all these years. Therapy isnt a panacea, but sometimes just unpacking all the Pain and Fear and giving it a good airing reduces it to its proper proportion and makes it less overwhelming. Your suffering is heartfelt. If you use it to gain insight it wont be wasted, but rather productive.', 'You didnt abort him. What a gift you have given him! The opportunity to live and grow and experience consciousness. You sacrificed your own needs and let him be raised where he will have the best chance to be happy. Again, what a gift you have given him! You are so Tired young yourself, it seems unreasonably harsh to blame yourself for not being able to manage parenthood without any support. When I was a teenager I ran across a clipping that said that teenagers who were Suicidal but didnt kill themselves were glad afterwards. I cut it out and carried it in my pocket for years. It was true for me--I have had a wonderful life, full of love and adventure, in spite of my Tired rocky and Pain youth. I was not as brave as you were. I aborted the baby I carried when I was 16. I didnt have the strength or courage to even try to allow him or her to live. You should be proud of what you have accomplished. Somewhere there is a happy little boy who wouldnt have existed if not for your love and bravery. I have enormous respect for you, and I suspect that when you have recovered from your grief and loss you have the character to make a valuable, rewarding life for yourself.	2	Ideation
alcohol CAN do it if I am not cautious.certain friends who have similar outlooks and standards can make me feel less alone, more outgoing and cocky.stupid people (having to chat or be in a group of douchebags, red staters, "true believers", people without curiosity, etc). These trigger Feeling Feeling irritable and eventually Feeling angry which shoots me off from my almost constant Depression state and spiraling toward hypo mania/mixed state.Thank someone for haldol. That is my emergency brake to keep me from messing up.', 'Yes. One, my wife. Two, my parents. Three, a few teens that I have worked with and brought them back from the point of suicide. If I killed myself (which seems realistic and comforting) I know that those people would feel sad and I might undo my work with the kids. So, basically, guilt keeps me faking it day by day.', 'Thank you for your observations. Life has been Tired tough. I constantly feel as though, while I can paste a smile on my face and fake it for a short time, I am pushed around by feelings of duty, guilt, obligation. Even when I am having a "good" or fun time, I am not at all happy and when it ends it makes even more sense to just be done with it all. The only thing I have going for me is a beautiful, strong, funny, compassionate and intelligent wife. I only work part-time, here and there, because it is all I can take. She works 60+ hours a Asthenia to take care of our needs. I am fortunate. While I know that suicide is a perfectly reasonable action when your quality of life hits a certain consistent low, letting my wife down is the ONLY reason I havent killed myself yet. She knows that. My Bipolar disorder is treatment resistent. I am on several anti-psychotics, two benzos, adderall and ketamine. And, things just dont get better. I turn 44 in 25 days. I dont want to keep living my life this way. ', 'Give the stooges a try. Search and Destroy. I want To Be Your Dog. 1969. Gimme Danger. ', 'This has been my desktop picture on and off for about a year now. I really think it is an accurate vibe for the fits and starts of my life.', 'Sing me to sleepSing me to sleepAnd then leave me alone"Dont try to wake me in the morningCause I will be goneDont feel bad for meI want you to knowDeep in the cell of my heartI will feel so glad to go"The Smiths(I agree)', 'Stability is a place bipolar people visit. None of us actually live there. Things can seem OK or normal, but its just a phase of the ride up or down.', 'http://psychcentral.com/news/2012/05/31/ketamine-relieves-bipolar-depression-Suicidal-thoughts-in-less-than-an-hour/39472.htmleven more recognition for the possible efficacy of Ketamine in treating Bipolar disorder disorder', '1200 mg Seroquel6 mg xanax5 mg haldol60 mg adderall6 mg klonopin25 mg ketamineand others rotated in and out to see if we can get me to back off further from the precipice and others we', 'Well, I already have post-concussive syndrome so, my memory isnt the sharpest. But, ECT (three years ago) totally wiped out eight months of my life. I recall Tired little. I think it even made it harder for me to access older memories. ECT didnt help me with my mood issues, but it left quite a mental mark.', 'http://luxperci.com/ketamine-illegal-hallucinogenic-bipolar-drug/some more positive information here', 'every single moment that i am with or around people i paste a happy face on... and it kills me just a little bit more', 'http://bipolar.about.com/cs/faqs/f/faq_rapidcycle.htm', 'Bipolar 1 (rapid cycling and tending toward the dark side), ADD, GAD, PTSD and EBV to top things off.', 'Mixed mood describes me, as well. Most of the time anyway. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist soon.I have tried, over the last 10 years pretty much every anti-depressant and anti-psychotic out there. Lithium helps my moods, but messes up my stomach up so much that it isnt a good choice for me.ECT didnt help me at all. All it did for me was ruin my memory. I lost the memory of virtually six months of my life while I was in treatment and since then I have difficulty with short term memory and cognition. That is almost two years ago now that I tried that. I have tried everything you mentioned. I recently changed some dietary habits and started to exercise. I have lost about 20 pounds in six months. But, it just makes my clothes fit different. It hasnt helped my moods or my thoughts of suicide.Thanks for your input, though. I appreciate hearing from you. I hope you continue to improve.', 'In addition to bipolar one (basically treatment resistant), ADD, PTSD and post-concussive syndrome I have a rotten memory. Not just poor cognition and awful short term memory, but there are large gaps in my memory from all parts of my life (I am 45 now). It is frustrating and makes day to day life, work and relationships complicated.', 'Is anyone else here using Ketamine as a treatment for BPD? I have been receiving infusions, taking an oral dose daily and now using an atomizer to blow it into my nasal cavity. I am on roughly 5mL daily (prescribed and used off-label). So, I am under a doctors care and not buying this off the street. I think that it has helped to a certain degree. It definitely pulled me back from stepping off the cliff just enough to function. What has your experience been?', 'dead...or, maybe...left to myself (with a friend or two) to investigate, imagine and project my minds fits and starts, Feeling angry and sadness, high definition and hi-fi stereo sensory intake as i see fit, with or without alcohol or other "drugs". Probably with many (legal and semi-legal) additives. I would go, on foot, to many avenues of experience yet not travailed. I want to go through life, not just be a part of it. and when i have had enough... simple - .38 in the mouth as a maniacal and undeniable proof that the pills and beers in me at that point would leave me "at peace". Nothing else matters, at that point.', 'At first I was only receiving the infusion. Basically, the infusion is 2mL of Ketamine delivered intravenously with a simple saline solution. The entire process is under observation and take 90 - 120 minute for the complete session. It is a disassociative (like LSD) so I get pretty weirded out. I have to have someone drive me home. On my personal mood scale (1 - Suicidal -10 manic) I am content if I can be in the four to six range. Its not great but, it is better than the 1 to 3 range I am often in. Post-infusion, for a Asthenia or so, I am in the mid-range. I slowly go back to the lower end of the scale. Slowly the dosage was Fatigue (I am at the 2mL now) to where the positive effect of the infusion went from every Asthenia to every other Asthenia to every three. Then we decided to give a daily oral dose of 5mL (only about 15 - 20% absorption rate) and that wasnt awesome, but keeping me around a four. Recently we went to about 2mL a day administering the Ketamine through an atomizer into the nasal cavity (up my nose) where the absorption rate is thought to be closer to 50%. Along with the Seroquel (which I take at a Tired high dosage) I am fluctuating between 3 and 5 on my mood scale) depending on the day and the time of day. Ketamine is experimental. You may have a difficult time finding a doctor who is adventurous enough to prescribe it off-label for BPD. Also, your insurance company wont pay for it. However, if you can get the prescription a compund-pharmacy should be able to get a 10mL bottle for between 6 and 8 dollars per bottle. Please dont buy it illegally or experiment with it. I think that you could really mess yourself up.', 'Learn to leverage it. Depression sucks, but as soon as you make it your default setting it gets much easier.', 'I write poems and short stories. Most of the short stories are really at the childrens book level. The poetry can go on and on as I just follow my flow of thoughts. I occasionally draw what I imagine is happening in my head between my mind, my brain and my emotions.I keep precious little of what I write or draw. Mostly I burn or shred what I have worked on (sometimes for many hours) as I find it cathartic and freeing to kill it all away. That which I keep is only for me and I keep it hidden away. Been following this model since I was about 10 or so. I am 45 now. It works for me.', 'I am on 1200mg a night. Not only do I sleep, but I feel myself standing back just a little bit further of the cliff from which I want to hurl myself.', 'I do not have bipolar, I am bipolar. I always have been. It is who I am. Its not the best life, but I wouldnt give it up. I wouldnt change who I am.', 'While other meds have drifted in and out of my treatment Seroquel has been the one constant. I credit Seroquel with saving my life. I have not experienced any negative side effects. I wish that it worked as well for others as it has for me.', 'I am a kind, relatively intelligent, funny and people feel at ease around me. However, I keep anyone who would be a friend at arms length. I am not Tired connected to my family. I do volunteer and work with some teens who are messed up with depression, self-injury and sometimes more severe emotional/mental issues. I have a lot of success with them, but I bear each of their burdens as it were my own. I dont want them to Pain and live like I have lived, but I am nearing the point of having no more room to care. I should feel good about being able to help this way but it makes me Numbness and Illness to my stomach. I guess that they are another reason that I havent finished myself off yet. I dont want any good I have done to be undone by my actions. In any case, with life (pain, darkness, guilt, self-loathing, a brain that wont shut down, failure, hypocrisy, scars of every sort, apathy, tears, frustration, Feeling angry and shit) I am pretty much done. I have the method. I have rehearsed. All I am missing is the date. Everyone would move on without me and be just fine. Of that, I am certain. ', 'Never better said.', 'For several decades now I have had those fleeting (at times, lingering) thoughts that being dead/killing myself on a regular ongoing basis. I dont intentionally conjure up those thoughts, words or pictures. They just come. In a sad way Suicidal ideation is my constant companion. I am 45 now. I have the means to kill myself. I have rehearsed suicide. I have written innumerable suicide/goodbye notes. The only reason the ideation has not become reality is that I take my meds. The only reason I take my meds is so that I dont let my wife or daughter down. I live with the ugly and unbidden thoughts, words and images of suicide everyday. I dont know if this helps or is useless blah blah blah, but there it is.', 'I agree with agreeing about NOT pushing the button. I dont want to be "normal" and live a "regular" life. The ups and downs are who I am. I have an amazing wife, good friends, enough money and perspective. Although there are days where I know that I can fly and others where I wish I would die, I will keep what I have. I am at peace with the fact that I am broken, but I also know that I am unique and special.', 'usually the Ramones	3	Behavior
Im struggling to think of anything useful to say right now. I just wanted to let you know that someones read your story. I dont like your dad.', 'You could be feeling like youre taking control of the situation. Youre doing something about how youre feeling. For me, finding some things to substitute actually committing suicide has helped regain some of that sense of relief. Im not sure how healthy it is, but writing out my plan, writing out the pros and cons of suicide, writing out a note, without the full intention of suicide, has helped in the past. I cant say it will or wont be fleeting, everyone is different.Its okay to be scared. I wish I could tell you for sure what you should do. Try to remember that youre a living person and that you deserve to feel in control and at peace.Please consider going to a hospital. Its not quite the same, but that in itself is a way to exert control over the situation. I hope you feel better. ', 'Would it be possible for you to visit a food bank until your next Disability payment? Consider talking to your therapist about making small payments on top of your regular payments to cover the payment(s) youll be missing (whatever you can afford). Make sure theres nothing left of your crack items. Just get rid of whatever you smoked it with and consider it a mistake that youre handling.You were hurting and you did something to dull the Pain. If you need to spend time in the hospital, think about telling them youre Suicidal without swallowing the Tylenol. (Edit: I just saw about the RCMP. I understand how the police can sometimes be hard to deal with concerning mental issues.)The mistakes we make dont make us a mistake. I hope tonight passes and you feel better soon.', 'Youre not wasting anyones time.Youre in a lot of Pain, its natural to want to end your Pain. It might feel like your whole sense of self was tied up in her and now it might feel tied up in her absence. Maybe you feel incomplete. Youre not. Youre your own person. It probably feels awful to be that person right now and I cant tell you for sure, but it might not always be that way. I know that "maybe" and "might" can pale in comparison to the desire to end things right now. Suicide is, for the most part, a sure end and continuing on because things might get better seems the poor alternative. However, being Suicidal is like having a film over your eyes, anything you look at right now is probably colored by how badly you feel.From my perspective outside of that film, with what information youve provided, I can tell you that suicide isnt the only way through this. You may be able to heal from this, you may be able to come to terms with yourself and live for yourself. Youre not a relationship, youre your own person. Please consider giving this wound some time to heal a little. ', 'Guilt, shame, and Feeling hopeless are pretty powerful motivators. I know that in my own life, theyve been extremely powerful motivators towards suicide. I imagine you feel a lot of responsibility for having AIDS, for your lover having AIDS, and for whatever affect it might have on your family. I dont think feeling responsibility or guilt or shame or whatever means you need to die. I apologize if this isnt what you meant. I also think it means that you care Tired deeply about what has happened, what is happening and you want it to end. Death isnt the only way to handle this. Please consider going to an emergency room, talking to someone about this, anything. I know you dont want to experience this anymore but think about Exhaustion some other options before suicide. I cant guarantee that things will work out but you deserve, no matter what has happened in your life, a chance to have help with this situation.', 'It wasnt too long. It sounds to me like youre Tired much Depression. The lack of interest, the absence of pleasure in things you enjoyed, the general indecisive malaise. I guess what I want to say is that I know it sucks and it feels like life sucks (maybe it really does, I dont know) but it could get better. Maybe not better in the sense that everything works out and you feel good most of the time, but better in the sense of finding pleasant islands in the ocean. Youre in between islands again right now but theres another one out there. I dont know if that makes continuing to live worth it, but you can only find out if you do continue to live. I hope this doesnt come off as dismissive, its something that I tell myself sometimes and Im still here.', 'I wanted to point you to [r/suicidology](http://www.reddit.com/r/suicidology).I also want to say that at times Ive gone through something similar. I personally find that since we live in a seemingly immeasurable universe, our importance in it is also immeasurable. What does scale matter in something that is without scale? It just has ceased to mean much to me. Im not quite sure why or how that came about. I dont think I have a view on whether or not a person should or should not commit suicide over a philosophical view, in general.', 'I was a hitter for a long time.I think the best thing right now, would be to stop drinking for the day/night. It helps at first but it can make you feel this much more deeply.If you havent, try talking about these feelings with your friends. If theres someone you really trust, talk about the self harm if you can. If not, keep talking about it online.', 'While I cant say its impossible for someone to drug something, please consider the amount of time and effort a doctor would have to put in to spike your food. It would involve the collusion of more than one party (the dining hall) and the cooperation and silence of said parties. Silence because it would have to be kept secret not only from you but from authorities. Furthermore, it is likely a doctor would know a medication might have a noticeable taste.Please also consider that even though the attention you received was uncomfortable, it was likely (in my opinion) out of concern. Its Tired difficult to truly force anyone to take medications in a consistent enough way for those medications to have real effect. If youre ever comfortable enough, I urge you to speak to the doctor again, even about your concerns about he or she drugging you. They may also be able to provide some insight into some of the personal issues you expressed in your diary entry, possibly in the form of talk therapy.', 'I dont mean this as a way of passing you off, but [r/kindvoice](http://www.reddit.com/r/KindVoice/) might be something to try.I know how hard it is to go to people for help and have it go nowhere or have it set things back.', 'I dont think youre Asthenia. Everyone gets wet when theres a bucket of water being poured over their heads. Youve got a lot of Stress coming at you. I think its pretty natural to want to knock over the whole bucket and make the deluge stop.Posting about this is proactive. Talking about all of these issues is a strong thing to do. I imagine its really difficult to ask for help when it feels like there are things out to get you. I know its part of why I find it difficult, its hard to trust in those circumstances. It doesnt take much to damage our ability to trust and it sounds like youve had some really bad experiences.Please think about going to someone with these issues. Doctors, therapists, hotlines, groups online, counselors if youre in school, anything.', 'Weakness and weariness are both really good descriptors.I hear you about the financial concerns and I think its a really valid concern. Like you said, thats not Tired good for Suicidal thoughts. Many hospitals do offer charity assistance if it comes down to that being your only alternative at some point, however.I hope you find something and I hope you can feel better.', 'Youre not your thoughts. When I was younger, violent thoughts, I think, were my way of feeling control. I dont mean to say thats why youre having them. It was tough for me to separate what I was thinking from who I am.Im not sure if youve heard all of this stuff before, but instead of push pins, have you ever tried holding ice or something similar?', 'If you think its okay. I hope you can feel better. (Also its never selfish or a bother to come here.) ', 'It doesnt always get better and it doesnt always take time. Theres just the chance for that. I wish I could offer you something more practical but I just dont have those experiences to offer.', 'I just wanted to say that Ive felt the same way so often. (Administrative limbo, also, is the worst.) I hope you can find something in your life to make you feel like living. Im sorry I dont have any helpful suggestions.', 'It sounds like youre taking a lot of good steps. Its hard to look back at how things used to be. I often feel the same way about people Ive left behind.Regardless of how your birthday goes, think of it as a milestone. You can look back at this birthday and say, "that was the year I decided to live again." I hope that you get all the help you need and can have the life you want.[Happy Birthday.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FchMuPQOBwA)', 'Ive been somewhere close to there with Depression people and Ive experienced deep Depression many times myself. Sometimes Im too close to a person or a problem to separate myself from it and see the issue as it really is.Its a lot easier to see the whole forest when youre not in the middle of the trees (to use an old metaphor). In my own life Ive tried not to focus so much on how I feel about what a person is experiencing but more on how that person might feel about it. It helps some, when I can remember to do so.Another thing to consider: how much do you choose to be happy? Not to take away from the appreciation you have for your life but try to choose to be unhappy for a week. Could you do it for the whole week? Try imagining your partner doing the same about happiness.Situational Depression is real, of course. External factors can contribute greatly. Some people fall into a Depression from grief, from Stress, from dissatisfaction. Chronic Depression often seems like theres no reason. Ive had great circumstances in my own life and couldnt understand myself why I felt nothing but a desire to stop existing.Being worn down by someone elses Depression is understandable and pretty common, just like any chronic Illness. Reaching out like youre doing now can be really helpful, not only for understanding your partner better, but for getting some support for how youre feeling too.', 'You dont sound lazy to me. (Im not sure if I even believe in the concept of Loss of motivation anymore, theres always a reason why people arent doing things.) Telling ourselves (or being told by others) were just being lazy seems to me to be a pretty common reaction to feeling poorly.Im not sure I can really offer any practical advice other than to communicate with the people in your life about these issues. It can be tough to struggle through alone.', 'Im not sure anyone can tell you why its worth it outside of why its worth it personally. Its worth it (usually) for me because there are sometimes things that I enjoy. Sometimes it feels not at all worth it. I dont think I can articulate why I dont kill myself during those times, Im not usually sure.I wish I could give you a definitive answer. Maybe someone else will be able to give more insight.', 'I just wanted to throw in holding ice as a substitute for cutting or any immediate self harming.', 'Its tough for me to argue with a pros and cons list. (They are my holy grail.) I think its important to consider how much that Emotional upset Pain influences our perception of pros and cons. I made a list two weeks ago, myself. The pros were two pages long and there were only four cons. I think if I wrote one today, right now, the cons would remain constant but the pros would be much smaller. I also think about suicide a lot, it often seems like the natural answer to anything. Im guessing you stopped your medication for a reason, but I want to urge you to try them again. (I feel silly saying that because right now Im not taking my own advice.) Not feeling anymore is tempting and Im not sure I can really argue against the merits of that. I can say, however, that I personally find the potential for feeling better to be worth remaining for.Regardless, I hope you can find peace soon.', 'I guess this is my "go to" (not the actual metaphor, I dont think Id like it if someone said that to me). Its just been my experience, the downs and the sort of ups. I struggle with saying it to other people sometimes, because I dont know what other peoples experiences are. Sometimes I think it helps, sometimes Im not sure that I didnt make it worse for someone. Everything feels like a gamble with someones life and with how someone feels.I wish I could say something helpful.', 'I dont think youre crazy for being angry a lot. I think thats a pretty expected response to your life. I know that it was my go to response for a long time (and sometimes still is). I cant say I had the same experiences you had, Ive never dealt with much bullying, but the Anxiety before school (and work), the retreat into internet and fantasy, those really ring a bell with me. I have a lot of trouble maintaining connections, Ive never found it easy to be a good friend, or keep close connections. Feeling like an outsider, not having the avenues available that a truly social person might have, is difficult. Practically and emotionally. I dont think its an end to things things though.', 'Have you ever had any inpatient treatment? Both times I had a series of ECT it was decided upon and delivered while I was inpatient on a mental health floor at a hospital. If youre on the verge of suicide, finding a safe place to help you with these decisions can be a help in itself.There is, of course, out patient ECT. You really (probably) just need to ask a psychiatrist, if youre seeing one. If youre not currently seeing someone, getting a referral from a general practitioner might be an avenue to go down (or finding one out of the phone book).I know how frustrating it is to seek help and find dead ends.', 'I wish I could offer something helpful about your marriage and your family. I dont think I can, I really think thats outside of my purview. Not because I havent experienced family and relationships, but maybe because I havent experienced your relationship and family, if that makes sense. That said, Im not sure what I said in my last response about concentrating on your own health and worrying about your situation later was the correct thing to say. Im not sure it wasnt either but I think you really need someone to hear you about your wife and your family.I just wanted to let you know that Im reading these things even if I dont really know what to respond to them with. I do think you should keep talking about it. Whether it is here, other subreddits, hotlines, message boards, anything or all of those things. You can also message the moderators here (the link is in the sidebar), Ive done that before and spoken to people in private. I wont tell you not to give up because I dont think its so simple that it can be boiled down to such a statement. Youre fighting right now though, just by making that first post here.Quick Edit - I also dont mean to say that Im passing you off, please do keep talking here if you feel inclined. I absolutely will read it barring something catastrophic.', 'Id add that you might remember to get something to eat, to drink some water, sleep when you need to. Its okay to keep yourself safe during this.', 'Youre welcome, I hope you feel better.', 'I dont know if this applies to other people. Something I learned from my own personal life is that I cant make myself care. As harsh as it sounds, I absolutely do not care about other people, things, or life if my primary needs are not met. Food, shelter, and positive attention (or community or love or relationships, whatever we want to call it). I had to have help to get all of those things. I wasnt able to do it on my own, as much as I told myself that I should have been able to. My help started with medical care.I dont know what help youve had thus far. Please, if you havent, see some doctors. If you have, see different ones. Even if you have no way to pay for it, start small, find a free clinic, find somewhere with a sliding scale, find a learning hospital.', 'Firstly, I wanted to say that I have heard of Gabe Newell actually returning e-mails. (I dont know how true that is, however.)Secondly: that is a lot of Pressure hanging over you for a fairly long time. People make mistakes. Regardless of what possible effect this could have on what you want to do in the future, try to forgive yourself. That is easier said than done but you dont deserve the torture this is putting you through.Something to try would be to make a list of what possible outcomes there could be.As an example:* Nothing happens* You cant work for Steam* You lose your Steam accountSomething like that. Then consider alternative paths for each outcome youve listed.* No action needed* You could work for a mobile game distributor/developer* Games can be replaced, over timeAs much as it feels like the end of things if some of the outcomes you Fear could come true, its not. It would Pain (I have a large Steam library myself and I would feel absolutely terrible) but there are other alternatives.This isnt something to solve what youre going through, but its an example of something to help you begin to deal with it. Please think about talking about this with someone, as many people as you feel comfortable doing so with. If you have access, talk to someone in a therapy capacity. The Anxiety and misery you feel about this are difficult to cope with.', 'Hang in there.', 'Honestly, it makes a lot of sense. Thats why I think you should reconsider talking to someone. You do have to trust yourself, but I can see my own reasons for not returning to care in what you said and that is what makes me think you should try it anyway. It may be me projecting myself onto you, but I know that my own logic and reason cant always be trusted, from experience. Things like Depression are especially insidious because they speak to us, in a sense, through reason. I dont seek a doctor again because Ive tried multiple times and have had a few bad experiences. I feel that I know the risk isnt worth it. But there is doubt. I havent actually seen more than a few doctors out of the many in my area. Ive only ever used one psychiatric hospital ward. All of my experience is based on a tiny slice of psychiatry. What I mean to say is, I understand that youve decided to trust in yourself, but any doubt, I think, is reason enough to reach out. I cant sit here and tell you must see someone, especially when I am choosing not to (doubly so about the drugs, they can work so differently for different people and there are so many combinations, it is overwhelming).I dont mean to Pressure you on this account (maybe I do a little, honestly), but I wouldnt want to see you not exhaust another option.', 'Im absolutely sure you feel like theres no coming back right now. You might not feel that way in a Asthenia or in a month or next year. I am sorry you were violated again and that you have to go through this on top of whatever else is happening in your life.', 'It is lonely to not fit in. In my own life there have been times where Ive felt genuinely well regarded or well liked but I dont ever really feel part of that community. Theres a separateness there that I dont fully understand. I have learned, over time, that my self worth doesnt have to be so tied up in other people. That doesnt always, however, make it feel any better to be on the other side of the wall, so to speak. Full disclosure though, I do and almost always have been able to maintain one close relationship at a time, I cant say Ive ever truly been friendless so I can only imagine what that is really like.I personally dont think there is a point. Most of the time Im okay with that. Sometimes I think about how short a human lifetime is and it does feel like there isnt much difference between dying now and dying later. Life can feel futile. However, and this could be because I am a bit focused upon myself in general, I find myself living for good experiences. I dont really mean the grand experiences people talk about; the epic trips to strange places, the epiphanies, and so on. Just the good times. Doing things I genuinely like. Of course, when people are Depression, it can be really difficult to really enjoy things. I think it would be disingenuous if I declared that this is something that should or would work in your own life. My overall point is that there are other things that some people do live for, not just the mainstream ideals that we grow up thinking we need to strive for. I cant say if you will find your own point to life.I do hope you can feel better. I hope your next therapist is a better fit or results in some kind of relief. ', 'I think your concern is founded but I dont think you should carry guilt for this. The what ifs of the past dont have to be the what ifs of the present. Keep anything youve learned but try to let the event itself go.', 'I looked through some of your history. Would you consider telling your doctor that you feel Suicidal?Youre in a lot of immediate Pain right now but it looks like youve made it through some pretty difficult times before. Remember that some of the Pain will pass. Not fitting some sexual norms doesnt make you a freak. Youre attracted to your sister and thats that. I cant comment on what that means because its a little out of my depth, to be honest, and I also think its up to you and your sister to define what that means.', 'Its okay if they dont work for you, many things didnt work for me. Some things were more like stepping stones for me.', 'If things have been spiraling downwards, they can spiral upwards again too. Youre having a really hard time right now. I know it might seem hopeless and impossible to get out of, but thats the Depression wearing you down. Keep talking to people who will listen.', 'I think its important for you to tell him you love him. I dont know if that will help with the guilt or if it will help your familys situation but I think it might be important for you (and maybe your step-dad) in the future.Consider showing him what youve typed here if you cant tell him.(Dont worry about being in the wrong sub-reddit.) ', 'Please call the emergency service number for your area. Hold something over the cuts tightly, as tight as you can. Even if you think the cuts will stop Bleeding on their own, please call anyway. Its okay if it wasnt a suicide attempt or not, the details arent as important as getting the Bleeding stopped. Please make that call.', 'Whats happening?', 'Youre welcome, come back anytime.', 'Contact a lawyer if you have phone privileges. If you dont, have someone else contact a lawyer for you.', 'Hi. If these Hallucinations are generally happening when you are sleepy, waking, or going to sleep, please consider talking to your doctor about doing a sleep study. I think its also important to note that Modafinil, a drug to combat the effects of sleepiness, has helped to an extent.You can also talk to your doctor about "reality checking" methods to help you distinguish between what is actually happening and what youre experiencing.Also consider that antipsychotics are often used off-label. While your doctor may have prescribed them for your Hallucinations, dont take that as a diagnosis, just as a diagnostic tool. (I do understand the reluctance to take resperidone because I wont take it again for the same reasons.)', '/r/suicidology ', 'I dont think Delusional disorder factors into it. A lawyer is most qualified to advise the OP on the situation. I hope the OP gets any help they need, legally and medically.', 'Make sure you read the disclaimers for the hotline/chat. Some will report, some wont.It sucks to have the police show up, but dont let that scare you away from getting some help. Youre not doing anything wrong.', 'It can be heart wrenching to reach out and have no response. That isnt a reflection upon you. I know you feel that you are nothing, and while it may not alleviate that feeling, I dont think you are. Youre a person who absolutely has thoughts and feelings. That is something, even if it feels horrible. I personally think that the ability to experience is something that gives us all value, every living thing. I have to suspect that that may not make you feel better. I wish I could better illustrate the idea or to somehow demonstrate your intrinsic (in my opinion) value.I also wish I could say something to give you hope, something to soothe your Pain. I dont know that I can. I know that wishes dont accomplish things on their own, but I hope that my wishes for you can maybe demonstrate that you do have worth. I dont think that value and worth are determined by others. While I believe you are valuable, its not my place to assign that value to you. You already have it just by being.', 'When Im being honest, I feel a similar way. In my mind, it is how I will die. I dont know if thats conditioning from feeling Suicidal or a result of mental Illness or practicality or whatever. It does feel like a pointless wheel, seemingly endless cycles and then the wheel comes off the spoke and its over. However, I want to think that it doesnt necessarily matter if we do kill ourselves in the future. As hard as it is for me to personally to see it otherwise, we dont live in the future, it hasnt happened yet. Getting through the feeling now can seem futile and pointless but I try to consider how I feel when I do get through that feeling. I dont feel that way when Im out of it. I cant say which is "real" or not.Im not sure if that made sense. I personally dont find "live in the moment" comforting but I also dont want to be ruled by things that havent occurred, no matter how likely I feel they may be.', 'Please consider the mistakes we may make as building blocks or bricks. Each mistake we make is another block to build with. We accumulate blocks. We can use those blocks to build a wall or we can use them to build stairs. If we build stairs, we wouldnt learn as much and our stairs wouldnt get as high, without those mistakes. We can use our mistakes to grow and to learn. Its often tempting to build a wall instead, or to let the blocks accumulate into a huge pile. (Its even okay to do so because that pile or that wall can still be torn down and the blocks within can be used for stairs.) I apologize for the metaphor but it really helps me gather what I want to say. I also want to note that our stairs, our walls, or our piles of bricks arent what define our lives. Our mistakes or what we think of as mistakes dont make up our whole person. Were also not defined, I think, by how our mistakes compare with others. Youre not a waste, youre not a bad person. Youre still growing and we all are always growing, even a little.', 'I feel the same way about my cats. I Tired much wish right now that I had some kind of solution. I am also Disability and if I were suddenly alone, I wouldnt be homeless, but I would no longer be able to support my cats. I feel that it would be the end of my life as well.I tend to think there must always be some other option. I wish I knew what that was. Would your ex take the cats without your death? I know that probably isnt much better but it could be a chance for you to figure something out about how to keep them, if you could get them back. My heart really goes out to you.', 'If you do ever find another therapist, print this out and give it to them. I wish I could express what things are like as well as this. Im sorry your life has been like this.', 'Youre welcome, I hope someone can come up with some practical advice. I hope you make it through these times.', 'Ive been that friend. Lots of lies and avoidance and guilt and shame. It tough to say what will convince your friend she needs help. All you can really do is try to be understanding, keep putting yourself out there as her friend. Try something out of the norm like sending a letter explaining that you miss her. I would try to keep the advice and suggestions at a minimum at first. Sometimes people just want to be heard by their friends, having solutions pushed to the forefront can be pretty overwhelming.Its more than okay to be angry about your friend lying. If possible, try not to let that color future interactions. I cant speak for your friend and cant know why she lied but I know that for me, it felt like a necessity. We sometimes do unfortunate things when it feels like a matter of survival.The biggest thing to remember, and I think the toughest, is that you can lead a horse to water but you cant make her drink.It sounds like youre being a good friend by not giving up on her and wanting her to have help. Ive had friends like you, and not to make this about me, but I Pain sometimes thinking about how I couldnt return that friendship. I hope things work out, I truly do.', 'I think it really depends on the individual and the environment. Talking to some people can make things worse, talking to other people can make things better. In regards to judgement, Ive found it a lot easier to talk about my problems with strangers. I can always end contact with someone not in my life or on the internet.', 'Sometimes, being Depression doesnt hinge on how good our lives might be. I dont think you sound like youre being dramatic. Its extremely frustrating to not be able to pull yourself out of feeling this way. I dont know what your situation is like at home but please keep trying with your parents. Something to try might be to write down what your day is like. Write down what you do and how you feel. Show that to them. There may also be someone you can talk to at your school.Its hard to see any point to life when feeling as you do. I wish I could answer your question but its something we all must answer for ourselves. Please keep talking to people, keep trying, its the only way to find the answer for yourself. I hope you feel better.', 'I just wanted to say that I dont think there really is a "too nice." Being nice might be a hindrance in some areas of life, you might have more trouble with some things, but kindness is, I think, the most beautiful thing about any human being. Being kind is something that Ive struggled with, personally. I have had some Tired unkind periods of my life that I feel some regret about. Hang onto your niceness, try to see it as an investment in your future. As you grow, it could become a great asset.', 'I understand. I think everything is or becomes colored by whatever feelings drive this kind of thinking. I know that when I am thinking about suicide or in a deep Depression, there is no other option. It seems right and it seems as if it will happen, not a matter of if or when. I cant say this is how it is or will be for you but in my own experience its a matter of making it through those times. Making it until, for whatever unexplainable reason, I can think about other things and other options. I dislike saying, "youre young, give it time," especially since I cant say you will experience things the way I have. So its with hesitation that I say to keep giving it time. Time is a resource we all have, even if it can be unbearable to pass.I absolutely wish I could tell you something tangible or useful. I think whatever you ultimately choose, you deserve respect and understanding. I hope that if you choose to continue that youll feel free to keep talking here or to come back at a later date.', 'I hear you on that one hundred percent. I havent used any hotlines before because Im actually afraid of the same thing, but I hope someone can come along with some suggestions about good ones.', 'I consider humiliation to be one of the strongest feelings throughout my life. For me, humiliation takes on a life of its own. I know that it might not matter what people think but that doesnt change the effect that humiliation has on me. I dont really know what to do either, aside from avoiding situations where I know or suspect Ill feel humiliated. I dont know if that can be "cured."Ive done a lot of things to try to work around it. Some negative, some positive. I dont really know what you should do. There are a lot of people hidden in this world with similar feelings and experiences. I hope you find something helpful.', 'Statistics are a funny thing because they always reflect the view of the statistician. I cant really tell you not to dwell on your height, I know what its lik	0	Supportive
I get what you mean and no. I dont have a single person.', 'Ive been to the psych ward 2 times and have seen many professionals. Putting on a face is so hard. Trust me Ive tried so fucking hard to get better. I dont want this life. I dont choose this for myself who would? But after 4 years of my life being meds, nap, and appointments i think i should give up. I cant take this anymore. Its obvious i cant better with out medication and i dont want to have to pay 400$ a month to stay sane and well. Thats money that could be used for my little brother to go to school and my mom to take a vacation. Its not fair that i have to live this life and its not fair i have to drag my family down with me. They have missed out on so much and it kills me. ', 'I have piercings but its not the same', 'I have met the most amazing person seriously. He means the world to me. And hes taking me away from here. We are getting our own place and hes helping me pay for school. But i cant rely on him only because i hide my Pain from him. My parents have always been awful. Everyone in the family hates my parents. My dad is an abusive manipulative drug addict and my Mom is a fucking bitch. ', 'Absolutely worthless', 'No', 'Addiction. Its more addicting then any drug for me. So amazing.', 'Serve clinical Depression. Manic biploar disorder. Severe social anxiety. My life is falling apart. Things are only getting worse as time goes on. I dont eat anymore. Everything is fine for about .05 seconds when i wake up then i realize what my life is. That or getting high. ', 'I know it is. But there is nothing i can do. Im moving out soon. Well i might be.im not sure if i can do it. I dont want to burden him. He tells me that i wont but thats all Ive ever been told so thats i can believe. If i dont leave ill die and i dont want to leave because i dont want to Pain him. I cant take the abuse here and i cant go. I feel like there is no other way.', 'I just cant cope anymore', 'Ana,mia, self harm, psychosis, bipolar, anxiety, paranoia, and depression', 'Im faking it because they dont understand. Ive tried to talk to them and when i freak out Im immature and Im a bitch and a burden and "maybe i should just put you back in the hospital i cant deal with you" -momI fake my recovery so i dont get shit everyday or put back into the place that made me worse.', 'ive been to both hospitals. Many psychiatrists and nothing helps. I feel so hopeless and just kinda done. ', 'Its the best feeling in the world. I dont even cut just because Im sad. I do it because i cant stop. It makes the bad feelings go away and the good feelings feel even better. Its better then coke, pills, weed, cigarettes, alcohol. Makes everything okay.', 'Its been so long since happiness i cant even remember a before. And as for what led me to this point I dont know where to start. ', 'My brain produces basically no serotonin. Like seriously its not there. No amounts of exercise and eating right will fix. Maybe rise it a tiny bit. But i need meds. Not cheep ones either. I cant ask any one to pay for them. It would be so much better for everyone if i just ended it.', 'idk. i dont like that kinda pain. i kite doing it myself	3	Behavior
Please get help. You dont have to go through this alone. It can get better.', 'Please dont do this. You actually can get better.', 'Please dont do it. People can find you help for these medical problems. There are good people out there who provide jobs that you can live on. Please dont give up.', 'Please talk to somebody. Depression is really hard. But your life really can get better.', 'I understand that getting back to where you were can be Tired hard. But there is no shame in going through struggles. People will be understanding about what you are going through. I know it is hard, but you can find a passion for university and life again. ', 'Please dont do it. You can make a meaningful and enjoyable life for yourself. You have been dealt a bad hand in life but you can overcome all of your problems. ', 'Please go to a hospital.', 'Find a support group. Talking your problems out can help.', 'Please look through the resources on the right sidebar', 'Please talk to someone about this. Ask your friends for help. They want to help you and see you happy', 'Talk to a doctor. This is something you can get help with.', 'You can get through this.', 'I know it sucks but it really can get better. Find someone to talk to. Find a support group and people who know exactly what youre going through.', 'Please talk to someone. There are other ways to make your life better than just anti-depressants alone. There are people that love and care about you. You are not alone in this.', 'There are trained professionals that can help. People want to help you and can find you help', 'Maybe you just havent been talking to the right people. There is someone out there that can help you. Please dont lose hope, it really can get better.', 'You can find a way to escape the situation you are in that isnt through death. Please take Sauletekis up on their offer to help', 'Dont give up hope yet; Sauletekis is trying to find you a way.', 'You can find a way out of your misery. You can find a way to be happy.', 'Your parents love you and want the best for you (even if they may be misguided in their attempts). Talk to a counselor at school to help you figure out a career path. Talk to your boyfriend about how you are feeling with your relationship.', 'You can get through this. Take some more time so you can look at the situation when you have a clearer mind. ', 'Your family and friends can help get you back on track. Keep talking to them. Ask for help in brainstorming how to improve your situation. They can help you learn to accomplish what you want to. You can find a way to make life enjoyable.', 'Talk to your roommate and explain how you are feeling. You put the pills away, that is an incredibly good first step', 'Please talk to someone (friends, family). They want to help you. If they dont know about your problems they cant help.', 'You can fix your life. You can find people to support you. Dying wont make you happy. You can find a way through this.', 'Please there other options. There is hope for you. Your friends and family can help you. Be honest about how you feel.', 'There are other options. There are people who want to help you and can help you. ', ' It sounds like both you and your fiance are going through a hard time right now. Dont take the negative things that she says to you personally. She is under a lot of Stress and doesnt mean it. Please find a place to help you with your addiction. There are many clinics that can help you.', 'Try to talk to your mom about this. They care about you and want to see you doing better.', 'You can be strong enough. Just keep trying. Keep trying new ways to solve your problems. It will all work out.', 'Life can be beautiful. It can be hard, too. It may seem overwhelming now, but when life becomes beautiful again, it will seem even more beautiful in comparison to the bad parts.', 'Please dont do it. Things can get better.', 'Please go to the hospital now', 'I know its hard to look towards the future and to move forward, but you can do it. Just moving forward will help you in this fight against depression.', 'Your life will get better. There are always new alternatives to try. Try researching them to find ways to get over this bad period in your life.', 'Life doesnt have to be awful. It can be meaningful.', 'Please give it some more time. There is still hope', 'Can you try to work something out with your school, especially in regards to your parents taking your money? Try to talk to one of their financial aid counselors. Can you take any community college classes instead? Try to find someone you can talk to. Talk to your brother and tell him how you are feeling.', 'Being in a new place can be Tired difficult. It will get better, though. Please, try talking to some people in your new country. Try to hang out with coworkers after work. Find people with hobbies you have in common, or find new hobbies to try.', 'Life brings new surprises. Good things really can happen. Try to go to different doctors to find a medical diagnosis. It sounds like you could have depression, which can be helped and treated.	0	Supportive
I know Friday might seem like its far away now, but please just hang in there. If you give up now youll never get to transition and youll never get to feel as comfortable as I know you deserve. Were all rooting for you.', 'Hey, sorry I was late in getting back to you.I know Im just a stranger on the internet, but trust me, it WILL happen for you. I wanted to kill myself back when I was 15 too. That was seven years ago. Seven years since I decided to keep on living and see what would happen. Im not a transgender person myself, but I do know that at 15 your life has barely even begun. I can only imagine that it goes double for you, as youre still yet to transition to your true gender, the true you.Like somebody else said, take it one day at a time. Just know that you can always come back here if you ever feel your Oedema of extremity going over the edge.	0	Supportive
I hope you dont go through with it and are happy.', 'I have no information that states the individual or any has tried to make changes to the sub. If you have some please provide it.> If you think drawing attention to this subs flaws is a bad thing, youre sadly mistaken. Especially with a subject such as Depression.Where did I do this? Please answer promptly as you have now smeared my name on here.All I said was if it was done in a different way it would not have attracted the attention of the bad element that has been causing the problems in the first place.> shouldnt have had to ask the mods in the first placeSubreddits change over time, many people may not have seen a problem. > I think if you are any representation to the way this sub is run, someone like OP should have made a thread a long time ago.Would you please explain that comment in terms of the words I have used on this sub. If you cannot an apology would be acceptable.> edit : and roaming downvote brigades. But as long as the select few feel special. Ill be subscribing for sure now.I dont understand what this means. Who is feeling special? You are subscribing for what reasons exactly?', 'Take your meds', 'What do you want? ', 'Doctors are there to help, that is there job, they have heard all of this before. Just relax and explain what is wrong, as you would any other illness. It will be fine.', 'It happens. I wrote a few works while depressed. But I realised that there is no real reason to have to. I think it was more of looking for a reason to live. In my opinion, get healthy and then work. Once you get through or just manage your Depression you will still have the same reason to work creatively. ', 'well thats not a bad way to be either', 'be less of a muppet or enjoy time on your own', 'Since early teens, every single day I have thought about it.', 'I want to die.', 'it will get better and you will be okay', 'I dont know. I really dont.Positives are I am still alive.But why stay alive is you are weighted down by this constantly It doesnt make much sense.Constant Anxiety and Depression is not a decent life.', 'Perhaps you should go and listen to your therapist then. And speak to your doctor. ', 'yeah gotta get on it more', 'Philosophy', 'Thank you for your thoughts.', 'shall do my friend', 'No, I never thought of it, who would fire me anyway? I am a wreck.', 'Im saving that 20 seconds of courage for when I jump :-(', 'I do not have money. I do not have a passport actually.', 'Ok', 'Just need to get some things in order.', 'older but successful and happier (truly mean this)', 'I am happy that you have found something like that in your life :-)', 'I try to help everyone I can. I am not a bad person really. I dont even want to make people sad when I die. I have found a place where it will look like an accident. It is Tired nice. Beautiful spot.', 'I understand. Realistically all that is open to me is minimum wage menial work. Everyone says study but I cannot afford that and dont think my mind would be able to study again. So the offer is if I am lucky get a minimum wager till I get fed up. Great. Just great. ', 'Writing. But I have failed at that.', 'I wrote many things, finished, completed, had great hopes for them. Cannot get a production or a publisher. All avenues are dust.', 'yes I think so', 'Well to be fair i cannot answer questions personally related to you.', 'I think I was trying to hopefully help someone who was feeling down is all. I am a failure. I am too old to change. I cant change. It is a truth I have come to accept. Why the date? Killing yourself in Jan is a cliche and Feb is wet here. Sounds stupid but thats it. ', 'watch out for yourself', 'well good luck', '> Most recently, Ive seen people who have done a quarter of what Ive done in the industry get my dream job and now theyre set for life.Many people will dismiss this if they read it but I absolutely agree. This happens to me all the time. People with 1/10th the talent and ability and hard work ethic walking - FUCKING WALKING - into positions I would excel at.I use the Feeling angry though, the frustration, it makes me want to succeed even more - PETTY? So fucking what?I dont know if this helps, it did for me. But maybe think about it. Channel the negative into this.Good luck', 'This was lovely thank you', 'no utterly worthless', 'Go to a country that offers free, English-language university education, e.g. Germany.What?', 'I dont have the money to move to be honest. It might be scarier to move. With all this baggage in a strange place. If you know what I mean.', 'OP it is the only thing keeping me alive at the moment.', 'Potential does not always work out. If you are wasting air you need to step aside.', 'Yes I do have one life. Mine. I chose to end it.', 'I am glad.', 'I dont disagree in what you are saying I disagree in the way that you did it. Very dangerous. I read 2 posts from users saying they wanted to post but were now afraid? That is not fair.And imagine if someone in real need is looking for help right now. Perhaps someone could have, but they are on here fighting or the poor child didnt bother to post because of some unwanted fear.It is a meaningless internet point. You have gone in the wrong direction here.', 'I dont see it. The reality is they will most likely get worse. Economic factors are unavoidable. ', '2 decades is enough. I cannot take any more failure.', 'If you are too much of a coward to defend your accusations shall I just tag you are such?', 'No I am tired. I have nothing. I never will. So much potential resulted in nothing but pain.', 'Answer that question and get back to us.', 'The job really is not important to me. I know that sounds arrogant but I just cant get excited over minimum wage in a shop at my age. That is if they are even out there. Recession in Ireland. Lots of people out of work. But the reality is I made a mistake with my degree. I thought I would be successful now. I cannot get my work taken by anyone. I have made my bed. I have failed. Maybe I set the bar too high, but that is where I will fall from. Onto the sand. The water can take me then. Perhaps I never will be found.', 'Sorry I was away from the internet. I looked into freelancing but I do not really have those skills. Sorry :-(', 'It has been 5 years since my last major episode, there have been a dozen minor ones in between but I cannot even do a basic exam or study with intensity for any period of time. I have a degree but I am unable to understand a lot of what I read.', 'Everything gives me Anxiety. Change is tough. No money or job, hard to find one here. In a position where my success is related directly to other people and there is nothing I can do about it.I dont know why I think about death all the time. Just feel like it is the natural state for me to be gone.That sounds stupid I know.', 'I wish you all the luck.', '33 hours. Fuck. I hope you get through it. ', 'All I am skilled is horrible min wage jobs that I cant even get. Its a pointless life. ', 'Your teachers used to bully you?Your parents tell you to fuck off?', 'I wish I could play it though it is fascinating.', 'I will try. I am afraid of getting attached. ', 'I go to one pub and like to watch Arsenal. I cant afford to go to a match really. I cannot own a dog as it would not be fair on the dog when I am dead.', 'They might. Or they might not.', 'I read some stuff and it did seem like it could help people so I would encourage others to.', 'I have been Depression clinically for two decades diagnosed. Every job I did made my Depression worse actually which is ironic.', 'I am sorry I just dont know if I have the energy any more ', 'I have no skills. I am not practical. I am weak. I have a liberal arts degree which is useless. Every job I did was minimum wage. That is all I can get. Sad really.', 'Why are you directing this at the userbase? The downvotes are coming from trolls who are not real subscribers or contributors to this sub. This is really misjudged my friend. And I think many of your upvotes are coming from the exact trolls who get a kickout of this. Just consider it.', 'I dont no. I think it is impossible to prove one way or the other but no.', 'Maybe I could. The shelter is many miles away without buses and I do not drive.', 'I make a lot of mistakes. People think I am worthless. I cause problems. I want to die quietly.', 'Every memory seems tinted though. That is the Depression.', 'I dont think you understand. They will upvote you, because they like the drama. They like the fact they are annoying subscribers on here. They will push you to the top so they can enjoy the fallout. ', 'In real life I am a cretin. I am alone.', 'be successful, cant do anything really, even on good days it only lasts a while', 'And you need one to teach :-(', 'I just was hoping other people might take solace is the conversation. I am gone.', 'I know this. I have said that my nerves will kill me before my Depression.I have no advice, I am still crippled, but I wish you the best. You can get through it, good luck', 'yes it does', 'You sound like you are 12. Go to a therapist and talk instead of insulting your friends.', 'I am physically ok it seems', 'why?', 'You could have asked politely and quietly, I think the ideas would have been taken on board by the community.> moderators capitulating the to the request/demand that improvements be made.Has anyone asked for these changes before? Mods?> In the end theyre only doing this subreddit a favor.Now you attracting all the worst parts of reddit to mess with the sub. You may have damaged it quite badly. This was badly misjudged my friend. ', 'I feel like one. Because of my failures. I think they are intertwined. ', 'I am awful at chess. I have never been so bad at a game than chess. ', 'Ive got a year so anything could happen. I will not be surprised if it gets worse.', 'I think I would be just a burden my friend. Way I am thinking now.', 'I cannot reconcile how anyone is to exist with such constant Pain. It does not seem practical. ', 'I have never heard of these jobs and after a Sharp Pain look around I doubt they are available here without some modicum of training in social work. ', 'Fill your life with other people who will care.', 'Please respond to my concerns, you have insulted and bad mouthed me on this subreddit. I wish to hear your explanations or an apology. ', 'Thanks, I took some time to myself since the post. Nothing really changed.', 'At the moment yes.', 'I am sorry but I think I have to. I cannot picture a life whereby I go to work, scrape enough to survive and return to an empty house for the next thirty years. Who would want that? Well maybe my ego. I am sorry.', 'Ireland.', 'Have you experience of this? I have friends in Berlin now who cannot find employment and whose money is running out. ', 'Seek help.', 'I have never heard of this in my country. I dont deserve it anyway. Other people should benefit from this.', 'This will soon make it to subreddit drama and you will have even more unfortunately. ', 'That is what I am thinking.', 'thank you', 'how do you know it gets better for meit probably wont', ':-(', 'I do but I will not say it to them.', 'Can you imagine working in Dunnes for minimum wage for the next 30 years? That is if I was lucky enough to get a job. Living in an overpriced rented house which takes most of your money? Coming home to nothing and no one. Watching RTE game shows in the evening. Crying. Afraid to get a dog because you wouldnt want it to starve if you decided to do something on the spur.Walking the city in the rain because you have nothing to do and no one to talk to. There is nothing there. It is empty. People pass content. You even envy the drunks arguing for at least they have someone to talk to. Summer ends and the last light goes down. It is orange. Tinted with strawberry but you see no beauty in it. Only shame. This will be my last summer. I might even go to the parade this year. Normally avoided it. I hate the fact we cant get guns easy in this country. I wont be able to cut myself, am terrified of things around my neck and pills are too dangerous. I am jumping off a cliff somewhere I know. It is lovely there. Perhaps it will be a sunny day. I want to die at sunset.', 'I like to drink. I like to watch the football on the television. I like dogs. ', 'Yes this is what I was thinking.', 'You shouldnt feel that much difference within mere hours of starting.', 'Nothing, it killed my love for it. I barely passed.', 'I dont get through every day well.', 'I understand.', 'I cannot get anything produced or published. ', 'Do you speak to a therapist? If not it might be a good idea. Your age is difficult for various reasons, and if you are feeling off it could be a variety of things. Why do your parents speak like that to you?', 'I have a bike, I must fix it up.', 'I unfortunately have a time limit.', 'I felt as much', 'Not at all :-)', '4 years now. I had a minor breakdown. The job situation is not the problem. I have hated every job I ever did and they contributed to my ill health. I am looking seriously now for anything in fear. I had one interview in 60 applications. I find solace only on friday evening when I know there will be no post from the government people. One more year. Thats it. I am Crying now. Happily Crying. One more year. Thats it. No more worries. Maybe it will come sooner if there is an accident. That would be good. Terrible childish thinking really. I am a grown man. Guess that makes it worse. I wish I had a handgun I could have an accidental discharge and no one would label me. ', 'no', 'No, are you on medication?', 'Unfortunately it is in a creative field and is out of my Weakness of hand for the most part. I submit and I wait and I am rejected. Cant afford to stage it myself. Doesnt matter anyway. Sorry about your father. :-(', 'me too, it was something small, i thought it was over, now i am here, have to leave house, break lease, sucks', 'Fuck that. Fuck them. Fuck your therapist who should be shot in the head.Do your own thing. Lie till you can move out.', 'I will have to look again. ', 'In my 30s now. Picked wrong degree. Applying for jobs as a car park assistant and a shop keeper part time. Wont be enough to live on. Seems rather bleak. ', 'No I dont find it frightening. I dont know what I think about it.', 'I am a waste. I am unemployed for years. I have no chance of anything other than minimum wage until I die. This is not a joke. I am mid 30s. I cannot afford to go back to college. There are no loans in this country like america. I let down everyone. I am constantly unhappy. I spent two decades like this. That is enough. I cannot say I did not try.', 'Oh mercy that is terrible. Hope you will be okay.', 'I cannot remember when I was last genuinely happy. That is the truth. I must have been a child.', 'I looked at the MFA. Cant afford :-(', 'Moderation - yes I have. No side effects outside of the normal - alcohol can be dangerous etc.', 'Mainly I would have to plan this event by saving out of 88 bucks a Asthenia (inc. food and bills) after I pay the rent. It is impossible.', 'Thank you.', 'No you are more important it should be about you. You seem to have real troubles.', 'my calling is to be a mid 30s man with no skill sets, unemployed for years who cant even get a min wage job in a shop and has no chance of reeducation or movement that is not life', 'Get diagnosed first.	3	Behavior
It sounds like you need to find someone who you feel comfortable letting your guard down and sharing your emotions with. It can be hard keeping everything bottled up and putting on a front to make it seem like everything is OK. If you can be honest with yourself and (some) others about your issues then I think it will be a really freeing feeling and it will be a lot easier for the healing process to begin. Therapy and suicide hotlines are both good places to start since it can be difficult to make yourself vulnerable to friends and family, but instead of letting these emotions fester inside of you, I think you need to share them with someone.', 'Just calm down, take a deep breath, and try approaching this with a clear head. Its hard to write even an English 101 paper when youre putting so much Pressure on yourself. Also, remember, if you fail a class its not the end of the world! People fail classes all the time. It doesnt mean youre failure, it just means that writing papers isnt something that comes easy to you. It might even be a good thing to get some extra practice by re-taking the 101 class before you move on to more challenging things.', 'Its good to openly talk about issues like self harm so that we can avoid more people hurting themselves in the future. I know it can be Pain to watch, but its really good that hes getting information out there, and you cant expect a show like Dr. Phil to put trigger warning on anything remotely controversial. Otherwise every episode would have one.', 'Yep, that happens to me all the time, too. I feel like I tend to push happy well-off people away for that Tired reason. Most of my closest friends are in one way or another struggling just as much as I am (though not necessarily in the same ways). Its not even a conscious choice. I just feel like people who havent been through the wringer have no idea how to relate to someone who goes through hell and back just to get up in the morning some days. But you are definitely not alone. There is nothing wrong with feeling resentment towards people who have what youve spent your whole life trying to get without even trying.', 'Please call 911, you can see there are people here that dont want you to die. I dont want you to die, and several other people have expressed the same sentiment. If you need someone to talk to PM me, post here, anything is better than dying. All I ask is that you give the people here one chance to convince you to live. Just give it one more shot. Call 911, and let us help you. Dont give up just yet, Im sure if you really dig deep you can find something worth living for.', '99% of them dont unless they are exceptionally graphic. And that type of warning wouldnt even help in this case since they are Tired general and wouldnt specifically say, "Trigger Warning: Contains images of self-harm." Really, the only reason any show does that is because standards and practices doesnt want graphic material airing during hours when kids might see it. But networks themselves would never have those warnings of their own accord because that takes up time and detracts viewers without providing any benefit to the network itself.', 'Feel free to talk to me anytime. Doesnt even have to be today, just know Im here to listen! ', 'I understand that it can be difficult to break a cycle of abuse, but I can tell you that someone who calls you names and makes you feel bad about yourself is not a support system. This is not someone who knows how to show his love for you in a healthy or respectable way, and the best thing you can do for yourself is cut him loose and realize that you can be a strong and independent person without him. No one should ever make you feel ashamed because you have a mental disorder. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.', 'I know we know nothing about each other, but Im happy to be your friend and get to know you if you want to talk!', 'If you cant trust your friends or your parents with your issues, then try finding someone else who you can start to trust. There are suicide hotlines, therapists (if you can manage to get to one), and things of that sort. There are actually a lot of suicide hotlines for teens, and I think if you called one up and had an honest conversation about all of your problems and concerns, you might feel relieved. It can be hard keeping everything bottled up. The people here are all really friendly and just want to help. Im sure if you described why you are feeling so horrible someone here would be able to help you out or direct you to someone who can.', 'As long as youve convinced yourself that it wont get better, it wont. Instead of catching yourself in a cycle of defeatism, try to be progressive. Think about the root of your problems and think about ways you can work through them. I understand how damaging and maddening Depression can be, but there are ways to beat it. And Im not saying this because I feel sorry for you, Im saying this because Ive been depressed, and I know how it feels to think things will never get better and you might as well be dead. But there are other options, you just have to seek them out.', 'Those Tired feelings of distrust because of physical and Emotional upset abuse are something that you should work through with a therapist. They arent going to go away on their own. If you learn to build trust with a therapist--and thats something you can take as long with as you need--then that will help you a lot. Combine that with medication and you will be well on your way to starting the healing process. If the alternative if festering in your Depression until you kill yourself, then what have you got to lose? Just give therapy a try, and go into it with an open mind. You might be surprised! ', 'You only get one chance at life, and one chance at death. There will be other opportunities to kill yourself if thats truly what you decide is best (its not that hard to find them). Make absolutely sure this is the one you want to go through with. This is something that you can never take back. This is something that you shouldnt even consider unless you have Exhaustion all other options. And I mean honestly Exhaustion them, not just in the defeatist mindset youve trapped yourself in. Take a step back, analyze your situation calmly and really try to consider your options here, instead of convincing yourself that this is the only one. This is not the way to happiness, this is the way to ending any sliver of hope you have at ever finding peace.', 'I think we all feel like that sometimes. That no matter how valid we think our points are we somehow arent able to articulate them in a way other people can understand. Its an uncomfortable feeling, but you cant let that get to you. It doesnt matter if anyone else trusts you on things, if you know whats best for you then thats all that matters. Take a step back and think about whether it truly matters what these people think. If all theyre doing is insulting and berating you, are they really worth your time? Are they really worth killing yourself over? The second you pull the trigger, theyve won. Dont let them win.	1	Indicator
But it was never about suicide for you?', 'I know that when I get in my episodes, it helps to have someone near, maybe listen, never talk. Its good to feel alone next to someone else. We go through the same things, PM me when you want to feel alone with someone. Weve got a Asthenia of shit to get through. Lets do this together. ', ':(I hear that all the time, and I still dont get it. Perhaps an analogy? ', 'Same here. Getting an ambulance out there. Hopefully everything is okay.', 'I thought the EXACT same thing when I went. And Im not gonna lie, there is some skanky floats that go by. Know what else goes by?My citys mayor, Annise Parker and her supporters. Members of the HFD and HPD. Churches with their groups singing hymns. Members of our military. Athletes of our teams. All gay.Thats the thing, being gay isnt a "culture". Its just you. Being gay doesnt make you limp-wristed, lisp-speaking, and effeminate. Hell, I know straight guys that are like that. Theres a barrier of preconceived notions that you have to see through. Ive had friends, during times of drunk talk, ask me if I was gay. Id ask why they would ask that. They said because though I am attracted as hell to female bodies and get turned on by them, male persona seems to be attractive to me. And its kind of true. My girl is 56, 110lbs and willowy as hell. But she is VERY much like a dude in many ways. One of my friends calls her Ovaries 2.0.All Im saying is that since this is a bit "new" to you, try it all out. Put yourself out there and see what its all like. Youre scared, I see that. But fuck Fear and try it. The first time my girlfriend and I went we were shocked at how beautiful and positive people were there.Dont be sucked in by what the tv shows you. Yes, theres that. But theres so much more for you to experience.', 'What sort of outlet did you end up finding? Or did the drugs take the urge away?', 'This made the most sense to me. Like depression, I suppose it is different for everyone.How do you suppose I could bring that up with her? To talk to her about it? I dont want to keep acting like I dont see it.', 'Update: Called and verified: Police on the scene.', 'I just got home. The weather is cool, I have my gf in her pajamas and my dog curled up next to me. I just got back from the bar where I was with two friends watching the World Series at Hooters, and have laid down.Two of those three people accompanied me to an emergency hospital visit one night when I had, with a clear head, decided to kill myself. They were there all day to see me through my counseling and my doctors.I am here for you.', 'So would you say it was connected to depression, or to the high you got from the masochism?', 'I saw everyone talking about going to LGBT centers and talking to counselors, and I read that the culture bothers you and whatnot. Heres my tidbit...Im 31, straight but am comfortable enough to be attracted to dudes plus I have amazing gay friends that cover the spectrum from ass-less chaps to ones that are republican-conservative christians. Heres what I think you should do, and please take it with a grain of salt because I cant even BEGIN to imagine what youre going through--go to a gay pride parade.My gf and I go every year. Theres straight people everywhere, bi people, transgendered, and gay people. Its an amazing experience into the various "sub-cultures" of the gay community. Just go. Dont do anything, dont say anything, just go and experience. When you do, examine--truly examine how you felt there. Examine how you felt personally. Do you still hate yourself? Is there a line that you cant cross? (I knew gay dudes who were gay but werent into the "sex" thing with their mates, but did everything else as a loving couple). As in many cultures theres the sub-groups youll relate to and others you find ghastly. Just go and experience. What you need (I believe) is to meet others who were/are in the same situation. Because you are not the only person going through this. And who knows, maybe if you make it out of this okay, youll be able to help someone else. But please, for an anonymous person who cares Tired much about you, just go. Then make a decision.', 'Was it directly correlated to your feelings? Or did it also encompass your sex life too?I ask because people say it made them feel better, now I wonder if theres a connection to masochism in the bedroom.', 'So its a semblance of control?', 'Wow...did you ever realize how bad it was during it, liking it and all? Its one thing knowing its taboo, its another knowing its incredibly bad for you.', 'So for you, its almost like a punishment for yourself?I exercise a lot. My motivation for the Pain I endure is because I dont deserve to eat what I want. Im ugly, and have taken so much for granted that its ruined me and my life. So I lift weights to the point of tears and near vomiting. Is that similar?', 'Thank you so much for that hugs', 'You sound just like me except youre fine financially.Its fucked up isnt it? What are we supposed to do? Nothings really worth it. Ive been Depression by whole life. Im 31 and still struggle every day. So many missed opportunities, so many mistakes that takes you years in repayment. It would just be easier to sleep and never wake. Sometimes I coldly think about ending it. You know the type; not even emotional--just cold. But the only thing that has gotten me from doing it...Curiosity. Its funny. I was going to be so pissed if I died before LOST ended and I never found out what the fuck the island was. Before that, it was the prequel to the Star Wars movies...that was a regret. My nephew was just born a few months ago...I wonder if hell turn out like me. Depression and bi-polarism runs in my family. What if he feels alone when it hits him?This girl Im with. What if shes the one? Fuck...I want to die. Whats the point of all this? I cant fucking tell you. I dont know the answer. Id like to think itll be easier...but what if it isnt? What if it wont be? I dont know. But what I do know is this: if curiosity killed the cat, then maybe Im dying right now? Maybe this is it. Maybe I am killing myself but feeding myself the bullshit that Im just too goddamn curious about. Theres so much I want to see!! But theres so much I dont want to deal with.I dont know if this helped. But youre not alone. Im the biggest fucking coward I know. The burdens are so hard (even as my bills are racking up) but I really want to know if Will Ferell will stay with The Office after these last few episodes.', 'You cant have anyone unless you allow someone who wants to help, in.', 'I feel it every day. I question my existence and why Im such a coward to do it. Its a battle amongst many every day.You are not alone. Your struggle is also mine. We can be alone together.', 'Thank you for answering!y question is how did you reconcile actual Pain, though? It seems like Major Payne where you break a finger to stop feeling a headache. Also, you mention a release of Pressure. Is this Pressure emotional? Chemical? How did it continue, and how come you didnt need it anymore?', 'I could be watching a movie. Playing some SC2. Maybe some LoL. But I saw your post and I want to. If youre not ready to talk, thats okay. I have all night, all day, any time. This, to me, is more important. I remember when I truly didnt have anyone to give me the slightest time of day. Not a second, not a question, not a "Hey, howre ya feelin?" Nothing. I wouldnt be so Sharp Pain to make assumptions out of the few people that have already replied, let alone, subscribe to this subreddit.', 'Obviously a clear understanding of privacy. ', 'Thank you for sharing that. Im beginning to understand a bit. Would you ever look forward to it? Or would the desire just come in the midst of an episode?', 'The common thing Ive heard, and from my sister-in-law who is a therapist, is that they do it to let the Pain out.That makes no sense to me.	2	Ideation
Thank you. In real life, I volunteer at a crisis hotline, so I talk to Tired Depression people on the phone and try to help them find ways to cope.South Africa! Though Im from the USA, my best friend visited South Africa to study the marine life there. She said it was a beautiful country. She scuba-dived with great white sharks and even went skydiving! If I were to visit, I would want to see the elephants.', 'They might be intimidated by you, its Tired possible. Also, you may not be approaching them in the right places or with the right attitude. Ill give you the resources I know that have helped other people like you.* [Dr. Nerdlove](http://www.doctornerdlove.com) Its full of advice. * [How to make a good first impression](http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2014/07/make-right-first-impression/) * [When NOT to approach women](http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2014/06/5-times-shouldnt-approach-women/) * [Starting from zero](http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2014/01/starting-from-zero/) * And lots more. Guides to "cold approaching," skincare, fashion choices, even [How to get better at dating quickly](http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2013/09/get-better-at-dating-quickly/)* /r/malefashionadvice, /r/fitness, /r/skincareaddiction (I dont know if you really need this, but here there are just in case.)* even /r/amiugly is useful. If you want an honest appraisal of your looks, post a few pics of yourself to this sub. The people there are generally positive even in their honest criticism. (Ex. "You really dont look attractive right now, but if you styled your hair better/lost weight/cleared up your skin/dressed better youd look so much better.") So, find out whether you are actually as hideous as you feel. Whats to lose?* A word of my own advice: Do you have female friends? If not, try to make some friends--seriously--before you even think about sex. Its hard to relate to women if you arent friends with any.* Also, hobbies? You are a more interesting and attractive person if you have interesting hobbies to talk about.* If you get impatient, a call girl might be a good choice for you. It may be worth the money to lose your "virgin" status--even if no one knows that but you. It could boost your confidence. You might realize that sex isnt worth all the hype after all. Dont get me wrong, sex is a wonderful thing, but you might be playing it up in your head as something its not.', 'Do you and your host have Dissociative Identity Disorder?', 'Honestly, it sounds as though you may have depression. Id highly recommend talking to a mental health counselor. I know that you think that a counselor wouldnt be any help, but whats to lose? It couldnt do any harm, and they might really be able to help you. Thats what theyre there for.', 'Hmm, a diagnosis from a doctor might Tired well Pain your chances. Im not certain that just seeing a therapist once would go on any "records," so to speak. Im really not sure; you may want to find a reliable source for that kind of information.Anything else you want to talk about or vent about?', 'You have severe depression. Are you on any medication? If not, please do so, get prescriptions from your doctor. Theres a good chance that medication can help you feel better.Also, you say that your family cared a lot about you a few months ago, but now they dont, as if theyve forgotten. You need to talk to them. Seriously. Maybe your mom, since shes the most understanding. You are still sick, you need their support, and they need to understand that. Humans are social. We need to talk to people about our feelings and problems. Its not "weak" to do so, its healthy.', 'What are your thoughts on talking to her about this subject? Also, would you consider asking your male friends? (Understandable if you havent; its an embarrassing topic.)', 'You say that youre self-destructing. Whats been going on? What kind of experiences have you had to lead you to want to take your own life?', 'Thats what shrinks are there for, though. To help people like you. Also, you might really benefit from seeing a therapist or counselor, not just a psychiatrist. Most cities have low-cost services available for people without a lot of money. They charge based on a sliding scale depending on your income.If you live in the U.S., you can call 2-1-1 and get information regarding low cost counseling or psychiatric care.', 'Internet hug You sound like one of the thoughtful, considerate people that I would want to be friends with.You say you live in a developing country. May I ask which country you live in? Just out of curiosity.', 'All right, it seems like thats not Tired helpful to you.Is there anything else you want to talk about? Just as an example, how have your sleeping and eating habits been like lately? Same as usual? Have they gotten worse recently?', 'Hey, Im really happy to hear youre still with us. We care about you.Again, if you want to chat online to someone anonymously, [theres a chat with trained counselors] (http://www.crisischat.org/). In my area, the hours are from 4-10 pm, M-F. Theres also 24 hour crisis hotlines you can call, depending on where you live. You dont want to regret your decision, only to realize its too late.', 'You are a girl, and dont let anyone tell you otherwise. Its just that your parts dont match up yet, but they can and they will. Its definitely not too late for hormones to work. Let yourself live long enough to become the person you know you are.', 'It must have been so sad to endure all this trouble in the last year, especially your illnesses and your girlfriend leaving you. I understand that youre feeling hopeless. Do you think that if you had a guitar again you would feel better? Maybe you could express your feelings through your music and cope with everything better.', 'Hi deadconscience. Please correct if Im wrong in the way I read your post.You had a Tired Pain childhood when your father abandoned your family. You were angry at him, and sad that he left. Fast forward to the present: Youre now feeling guilty because of the things youve done, including binge drinking, lying and possibly other things that could be harmful. Youve been doing this repeatedly, which you are ashamed of. And this shame has just built up, especially since you dont want to negatively affect your daughter. You want to be a good dad, but youre Anxiety because you think you havent been doing a good job. Also, you think that it is too difficult to change your behavior, and that thought overwhelms you.Is there anything thats happened in the last few days or weeks to cause you to make this post? Something that has reduced your level of coping?You can call me E, by the way.', 'Well, if you change your mind about the guitar, feel free to PM me.Would you like to tell me more about your Emotional upset place and why you think that it cannot be resolved?', 'Ive sent him a PM. But if you think hes in danger, you should probably contact a suicide hotline or maybe even the police.', '/u/baleful_of_hay. You are such a kind, humble human being, and youve struggled through so much this year. Your soul speaks to me in a way that I cant describe. Please, I dont want you to die yet. The world would lose a good person.', 'Theres a lot to live for. What do you do for fun? What about food you think is delicious? Or people you love/enjoy being around? Movies you havent watched? Inventions that havent been invented yet?', 'Yes, I took piano lessons for 8 years, though I dont frequently play nowadays. My father is an incredible player, though, and he often entertains our family with his piano playing.Anyway, it sounds as though you are set in your decision to end your life. Loss, struggle, despair, hopelessness. Sometimes being human is too much to bear. You have this strangers empathy, my friend.Im wondering...now that you have nothing to lose, are there any experiences youd like to have before your time is up? For some reason, [this post](http://www.reddit.com/r/casualiama/comments/2lbqym/traveled_to_mexico_to_buy_chemicals_to_humanely/) came to my head. Obviously, this is extreme, but personally, if I had a short time left, Id try some hardcore drugs, or Id hitchhike to some awesome place and watch the sunset, or Id read a novel that Ive always wanted to read, or Id have a threesome. Is there anything youd like to do?', 'I understand why its embarrassing. Hell, Id be embarrassed too if I were in your situation. Dating and sex can be frustrating and scary, especially if youre not socially confident.So, what are your thoughts on some of the resources I mentioned? Dr. nerd love, /r/amiugly, or maybe booking a call girl to get your first time over with?Also, are you contemplating suicide? (This is a suicide help sub, after all.) Have there been any other stressors in your life that could push you over the edge? (e.g., classwork, financial burdens, career problems, family issues)?', 'So youre feeling angry at society because it dictates that men have to do all the work to get dates. Youre Exhaustion by this process, and even following the formula has failed to give you what society has conditioned you to expect in return: sex. Youre also angry and frustrated because its relatively easy for women to find casual sex, but its not the same for men. Im also guessing that you are angry at society for labeling male virgins as "losers" and things of that nature.', 'In all seriousness, is it possible that you could PM me your address and Ill send you a guitar?', 'It sounds like you have depression, though, right? You said you cant concentrate and you dont find any pleasure in doing things, anymore. You might not be physically ill, but your brain is sick. You can get help. Theres nothing to lose at this point.', 'Counselors, I think, try to help you help yourself, if that makes sense. Theyre there to listen to you. They are the trusted confidant that you dont have in real life. They can help you work through the options and regain control of your life. Want to unload your feelings without being judged? Thats the place to go. Sometimes, just talking about your life helps you understand what you need to do. Counselors may make suggestions, but they cant fix your problems for you.Theres another subreddit that has a lot of advice about sex, and thats /r/seduction. Im hesitant to support that sub, because it can get Tired objectifying of women and borderline creepy, but it does seem to give men some success at "seducing" women.', 'Once again, thanks for your generous words. It is Tired late, like you said, so Ill be going to bed now. I hope we can resume our conversation tomorrow.', 'Can I know a little more about your situation before I try to give advice? For example, are you of a healthy weight? Do you keep yourself in good condition, looking clean and non-threatening? Do you dress in a way that complements you?Edit: Also, if you havent heard of it, [Dr. Nerdlove](http://www.doctornerdlove.com) is a website with some great advice for men. You can go through the basics of making good impressions, and theres lots of guides on dating, women, sex, and love.', '> Lots of short men do well with women. My brother, for instance, is 53" and does well with women.', 'It sounds like youre overwhelmed with all these negative things in your life. Youre not enjoying your classes, youre frustrated because you perceive the other students as having more fun than you, and youre understandably Anxiety about the student debt that you have no idea if it will be useful in the long run. On top of that, you feel unappreciated by your father and alienated from the rest of your family. And of course you crave friendship, but you dont feel close enough to your friends to confide in them.Have you considered calling a free crisis hotline in your area or seeing a low cost counselor to help you sort through your life?', 'Sounds like youre understandably angry at women for not giving you the attention you need. And youre constantly overwhelmed with the feeling of being unattractive and inadequate. Has anything happened to you recently to cause you to make this post?', 'If you want to chat online with someone, [heres a link to a site where you can chat anonymously with a trained counselor.](http://www.crisischat.org) Theyll listen to anything you say if you want a friendly ear. In my area, the hours its available are from 4 pm-10 pm.', 'I volunteer at a crisis helpline and have talked to many Suicidal people. Please believe me that we want you to call and talk to us. We will not judge you, and theres no way that youre wasting our time because were there for people exactly like you.Theyll probably begin by asking, "Whats going on with you today?" Such a simple question, yet it often helps people launch into their problems.If you feel as though you cant physically talk, there are also online chat counselors at CrisisChat.org.', 'Please talk to someone. [Heres a link to a site where you can chat anonymously with a trained counselor who will listen to you.](http://www.crisischat.org)', 'Whats been going on with you?', 'That sounds frustrating, man. You try to engage them, they act disinterested, and then they dont want to meet up later, even though you ask. It must be difficult to work up the courage to talk to them in the first place, too.	2	Ideation
Im sorry about your dad. I lost my favorite uncle when I was 16. I am now 22, but for a few YEARS I really struggled with his death, what happened was I closed myself up and didnt talk to anyone about it. I really downward spiraled and shit and I questioned life itself and how could such a nice funny warmhearted individual just suddenly die like that. Basically I realized that after 4 years of feeling depressed, negative and just overall like shit I was Tired about it. Also during that time my grades suffered, I dropped out of community college and had no real direction in life. One day I just broke down to my mom and started bawling my eyes out and I cried for fucking ours just babbling on and on and all she did was sit there and listen to me. After this I felt a lot better. I dont know why but I felt like I released all of these emotions and this Feeling unhappy building up inside me. Sorry for the fuckin essay ha. Anyways you could always join the military, get free travel, join a brotherhood, get in good shape, and get worldly experiences for a year or two, and get paid to do it. If you chose the right route in the military you could come out with some actual experience to apply to a job afterwards. Idk, for me military would be my option if my current plan goes south. I know that this toatally sounds like an ad for the military or something haha sorry.', 'You are posting because you have some sort of doubt, which is understandable. If you are in a medical profession I am assuming you have a decent amount of money. If not you could get a credit card with no intention of paying it back. Why not take one last nice vacation somewhere (with no consequences to your debt going somewhere expensive)? Id go to Bora Bora or something and go out with a bang.', 'I would at least wait for the Pain meds, Bleeding out sounds agonizing, even more so than the troubles at work you said youre having. Maybe you just need a vacation haha.. If you are really going to kill yourself, why not take out a bunch of money and just start spending it like crazy and go to some nice place first. Idk thats my messed up thought process for ya.The struggles of everyday life get so overwhelming and can seem a lot larger than they really are if you dont step back and look at them with a different perspective sometimes, and I think a vacation might offer this. Your job sucks, you are Stress as hell and deperessed? Make some sort of drastic change. Tell your boss to fuck of (if he/she rightfully deserves it) and just take some time to yourself or find something that excites you. I am currently looking for a job, and I feel so much Pressure from my friends, gf and family. My dream right now is to get into that agonizing stressful environment to start making money to support a family.', 'I doubt there is as much wrong with you as you think. Sometimes you have to put a little effort in to relationships and step out side of your comfort zone to try and make friends. I am plagued by social anxiety, like to the extent that I lie to people about going out somewhere and want to avoid any awkward interactions. It seriously sucked for a long time because I would feel like everyone was judging me or not accepting me but in reality I just wasnt making the effort to interact with people because I was too afraid. When I finally realized that I could determine my own fate, I started slowly forcing myself out of my shell and strike up conversation with strangers. Now though I am not cured and still get this anxiety, I have a network of people around that help me get through it. We all need social interaction and while the internet can provide a medium for this, physical real world contact is also necessary I think. People used to tell me that exercise would really help me feel better too, and I thought it was total BS until I started riding my bike and actually feel this weird positive sensastion hah. If you do want to chat or anything pm me, if not thats okay too.', 'I am kind of similar to you I think, the only reason I posted here is because I have thought a bunch about suicide lately. People around me view me as a happy person too but its like no one really knows how shitty I am feeling. You say you try, and that its fucking exhausting... I am just curious what is it for you that you are not getting(out of life perhaps) that you want/need? Idk for me, I feel Pressure from other people to succeed and I dont want to let them down/ let myself down. Idk I have googled for things before, but you always get hooked into reading about something and before you know it you are reading a page of copy/pasted dont do it dialogue.	1	Indicator
Right now? Travelling?', 'Im glad it helped. To think I was so close scares me, but every day Im getting better and better. Im EXHAUSTED but its worth it!', 'Better idea. Keep riding your bike and dont stop.Theres a scene in Gattaca where two brothers swim out to sea, and one brother is significantly stronger than the other, and every time they do this, he wins.The idea is to swim as far out as you can before you get scared and swim back.When the Asthenia brother wins, the stronger asks how.He said that he didnt think about the swim back.If you end up killing yourself anyway, it makes no difference, but at least try just driving for miles where you havent been.Maybe youll find something youve been missing.', 'http://i.imgur.com/4k2RY.jpg', 'That helped a lot, and Im on Amazon now buying Hitchhikers. I think that will help because moments when Im not doing anything, I tend to dwell. A book in general should help.Im Tired open with my girlfriend, she knows what Ive been going through, and Ive been pushing myself to go out. I think Im scared of being stuck like this forever, being disconnected. I want to get better.I kinda know that the way to overcome this is to not think about it, not to dwell, and sometimes I feel alright, and then I start thinking "Hey! Im alright!" and then I ask myself what Im doing to make myself better and then, tits, Im dwelling again.Its a bit bollocks to be honest.However, people have pointed out that I have complained about the spaced feeling whenever Im in a Tired stressful situation, like when I had a job interview at Time Out, and actually when I was in therapy, come to think of it.But thankyou, this did really help, and Ill take your advice. I want to get better, and Im going to really fight to do it. I break down into tears sometimes, and often I think its all pointless, but you know, Im going to keep going.', '"listen (thats a big one - so many people have things to say, but not enough people stay long enough to hear them)".Fucking. Exactly.', 'I know how hard it can feel, Ive just come out of a Suicidal spell myself maybe a Asthenia ago.There is no Sharp Pain fix but to force yourself to see the good in the world.No-one can help you if you wont help yourself, and I know that you didnt get a fair deal to start, and certainly no-one will blame you for wanting to end it, but we cant change the past.The world is full of love, I promise. I was lucky, I had a network of people to support me, friends and family. I kicked the weed and drink, and Im well on the road to recovery.You need a big change, and I swear on everything, if you let it in and take steps to change your world, you will see that life is pointless in the end, but the ride can be fucking wonderful.I wanted to end the suffering myself, but now Im out I just want to take everyones hand who are there and drag them out.I dont know you, but I love you. The Pain has made me so much fucking stronger, and if you get through this, find love, make a family of your own, I know youll be invincible, and getting through this and being a success despite the ashes you came from will make you proud.You have every reason to, and I cant blame you, but I want you to know, you cant see it yet, but its worth it, I swear, I really, really do.', 'Those are all really good points, thankyou, I really think theyll help.', 'That really helped, thank you. What do you mean by non-dwelling, non-intrusive? Could you give me an example?', 'Is this the one where Stans mum and dad split up? Could be worth a watch again, thanks.', 'The UK, Kent, specifically.', 'Ive always wondered this myself, if when it gets too much, what if I just sold everything, and just started walking?When I wanted to stop, I could look for a job, or even stop when I found one in a quiet village, or even another country.Id start a new life, and experience everything.You dont have to kill yourself to end your life, friend.Just start walking.	2	Ideation
Im still trying to figure that out myself. Probably because I have nobody to talk to. I just feel like whenever a stranger says they hope nothing bad happens to me I feel like they dont mean it. I feel like if they actually knew me they wouldnt have hope for me. ', 'I feel terrible about the situation Im in. I dropped out of high school 3 years ago when I was 15. Ever since then my life has gone down hill. Ive never had a job, never had a decent relationship with any female, that includes my mother, grandmother, and sister. My family has no hope for me, so neither do I. My sister has a car and her license, and shes 2 years younger than me. My Dad helped her get a car, when I dont even have a bike. I cant get a job because nobody wants to hire an 18 year old with an 8th grade education. Im just Illness of everyone around me, including myself. ', 'It does, I appreciate people like you, thank you. I also do feel better', 'Why do you hope I dont kill myself? Who are you to have hope in a Suicidal stranger?Your words of wisdom dont help me.	2	Ideation
Lately it hasnt been much going on which is part of my problem because I have no meaning in my life. Not working right now, no friends. Just me and my puppy and I Fear that I am depressing her so looking to get rid of her. It just seems like I have had to fight for everything in life only for it not to work out in the end ', 'Thanks for the suggestion but I know I have Depression her because around me all she does is sleep and up until recently I would go to petsmart to get her food and stuff and her reaction to other people is extreme Excitement and I dont get that from her. She sighs a lot and looks Tired sad. I am doing her an injustice plus I have hit all time low where I have been unable to work so I dont think I can afford her. And also because of the cost cant think of any hobbies and never really had the chance to learn all the extras as a child as we were poor	2	Ideation
If youre still here, so am I. Ive been seriously Depression for many years, also. I will listen to you. ', 'I like your rants. They make me smile. You sound like a great person I wish I knew better. Just responding to this post. I see another one above this one, so Ill read that one before posting more. Just wanted you to know I think youre a real sweetheart. ', 'You actually were perfect. She knows who you are and wants the person she knows, not someone you think you should be. Its ok to be scared. Its ok to tell her youre scared for her...because you are. The most important thing is that you follow up on your promises to her. If you say youll call her back, call her back. As many times as you think you need to. Just be yourself, only gentler if you tend to be a bit rough around the edges. Its you she trusts...so trust her instincts and remain as centered as you can regardless of what she tells you. Shes not looking for you to know the answers. She just needs to know youre there and that shes not a burden to you regardless of how long it takes to get through whatever shes going through.Youre going to be just fine, I can tell just by what youve posted and the way youve expressed yourself already...and Im a stranger. Its no wonder she reached out to you. And about saying "your welcome" back....next time you talk, tell her what you just told me. Itll make her giggle just a little thinking about how you Worried over such a small detail and your concern for her will shine through. Thats a good thing. ', 'Is it the physical or mental part of work that you dont like...or both? ', 'You have a right to be scared. Your friend sounds like shes in a Tired difficult place in her life. But if she told you that she tried to kill herself, you have a couple of things going for you. One, she wants to live or she wouldnt have told you. Two, she trusts you enough to tell you what she did. Please dont pretend nothings wrong. The hardest thing to do in these situations is just to listen to someone and not try to fix things for them or give them pat answers to serious problems. But, thats really what she needs...a trusted friend to listen through the long silences without interruption or judgement until she can get the words out. Be honest with her without being glib or judgmental. When she ask you something, tell her the truth in a sympathetic way. She knows the truth already, most likely shes ruminated over it for a long time. Call her back and let her know you will be there for her until shes on the other side of this crisis. Listen for the underlying tone for clues to help her. If you get none, just listen. Tell her you care, that youre honored that she trusts you. If you need more, let me know. Ill try to answer your questions as honestly as I can. ', 'Are you still with us? Because, if you are, Id like to hear from you and talk. I wont say all those things youve already heard...at least I dont think so. I wont try to stop you from whatever you plan (as if anyone really could.) Id just like to hear whats going on in your mind.I check in here from time to time throughout the day. ', 'Yeah...but I havent found any that werent in a pretty secure place with lots of loving support and a childhood full of good memories. ', 'I hear you...Im listening. ', 'What are you doing right now thats not working? I read your post and I understand where youre coming from. Ive been where you are in lots of ways. Can you tell me a little bit more about whats not working for you? ', 'Me, too. :-)', 'Well, at least theres that. In my case, theres so many things I want to do and Im just too Illness to do them now. But I can understand someone not knowing what a perfect day would look like. ', 'Let me add [this site.](http://blog.valerieaurora.org/2013/01/12/suicide-and-society-where-does-responsibility-for-preventing-suicide-lie/) It has some Tired good advice that I think will help you. Also, some things that others have done for me that have helped:Read to each other over the phone. Sing the most ridiculous songs shes ever heard. Watch shows together over the Internet or cable while sharing comments about it on the phone (saved episodes when time zones are different.) Read Internet news stories that you find interesting to each other. Listen quietly by bluetooth while the other friend does ordinary things in ordinary ways. Etc...........', 'I completely understand. Going through possibly similar experience. Ill hold your virtual hand as you pass through this. ', 'Tell me, do you think your state of being has anything to do with the world we live in, now? Know what I mean? Do you think theres a lot of us so alienated from ourselves because of the state of humanity these days...or its just a numbers thing? You know, the odds of being born dysphoric? If this question bores you, just ignore it like I do when people ask questions that dont interest me. You dont owe anybody anything. ', 'Ok, Im just going to be honest here and ask...what kind of women are you asking out? The ones that everyone wants? Or the nice-looking females that get looked over? Youre a good-enough looking guy, but if youre like a lot of men, youre ignoring a shit-load of nice average women and going for the prize ones. Not gonna happen for most guys like you unless youre the luckiest bonehead on the planet. Just telling you the truth. Not trying to be mean, but being Suicidal myself has wiped out my need to gently coax people into being open to whats attainable. ', 'I read it, too. Your mother is the devil incarnate if shes anything like what you describe. Anyway, just how bad could you have fucked up your nose? I mean, is it Michael Jackson bad? Because if you still have anything close to a normal nose with cartilage and nares, youre going to be fine facing the world until you have the surgery...honest. You should see what I look like some days - face covered in scaly wounds from food allergies. I look like I got hit by a mace. People stare. I dont care anymore. Rude bastards. I just look back as if nothings wrong. Sometimes I smile if I feel like it. Most of the time I just look right through them. I still gotta eat, so I gotta go to the grocery store. If they dont like it, too bad. I cant fix it. Hell, thats the least of my problems. Regardless, just thought Id add my two cents. As for that friend...honestly, I wouldnt pin my hopes on anything too much. It might happen, but six weeks is a long time not to respond...unless hes like me and doesnt look at email Tired often. Text him and see whats up. Cant hurt. ', 'Oh, and youre welcome. That really wasnt intentional...just me being forgetful, as usual. :p', 'Why are your days numbered?', 'No bother at all. Thats why Im here, tbh. I wish I had a better answer, but something sure sounds fishy, doesnt it? Is she that kind of person? You know, the kind to use you like that? If she is, then shes an asshole of the worst kind. Heres what Id do: Id give her one more chance to explain herself and tell her just that. If she responds, ask her point blank wtf is going on. Tell her what you told me. If she doesnt respond, and you can see shes posting on social media - write her off, shes playing you. And, if it were me, I wouldnt give her the satisfaction of a response after that. It would be no contact from that point on because shes not the kind of person you want in your life. You deserve better than that kinda crap, believe me. No matter how often I see this type of behavior, it still baffles the hell outta me. I mean, wheres the fun in making a nice person suffer like that? ', "At this point, as a physician, alarm Bell's palsy are going off in my head. Can we take a moment to consider an organic reason for your dysphoria? Not trying to be one of those people, but when was the last time you had a physical with a general chem panel run? If its been awhile - or never - there could be a relatively common reason for why you feel the way you do. The hypothalamus-pituitary-thyroid axis could be out of balance for you. In simple terms, you could be feeling the way you do because your endocrine system isnt functioning properly. I would like to urge you to see a physician for a work up. There could be a Tired simple answer for you that would improve your life immensely. Its absolutely worth a shot to check it out. Id be more than willing to talk to you about it more if it turns out to be a contributing factor. Not that I wouldnt anyway. ", 'So, if you could imagine what a perfect day would be like, what would it include?Not just being a dork, here. Im genuinely interested in what others who want to die feel like. ', 'First, I know you know this but I need to say it just in case youre not thinking about it right now...you are not responsible for your friends happiness or her depression. She is the only one who can decide to live or die. You are not to blame if she chooses to end her life. If youre feeling like youre in over your head, its important to know where your limits are. And then decide how far you can comfortably work with her. At this point, if your limits have been reached and youre feeling anxious, then you need to talk to a trained professional about your own feelings of helplessness and listen to their words. Let them help you with your own Stress in this situation. If she is pulling away, you cant make her come closer. All you can do is be there if she decides to choose to talk to you. Just like Im doing right now with you. This is important to know deep in your heart. And thats one thing you can say to her if it will help. Tell her how important she is to you. That you will listen without judgement to whatever she wants to talk about, but only she can choose what she does with the feelings she has inside...and mean it. Tell her youre confused by her latest statement about "gods love" since shes never been religious, could she tell you what she meant or does she want you to drop it. Let her responses guide the conversation. Let her know that she is the only one with the power to reach out and choose to live or die. That you know shes suffering. That youre there regardless of what she decides, but you can only help if she wants you to. Now heres the hard part. If she doesnt respond, you cant make her. This is hard to understand. And it can make you feel extremely helpless and afraid. But its true, none the less. If this happens, its important to give her the suicide assistance numbers you feel are the best for her situation whether she responds or not...and then talk to an experienced professional about whats coming up for you with this. If she does open up, then know that talking about her plans to end it will not make her commit suicide. It will give her a safety zone to express herself. Try not to shut down if she begins to talk about it, but if it triggers your own points, be honest about that with her and suggest that others who are more trained and experienced might be more helpful - but still, you know its up to her if she wants to talk to them. Lastly, do not make promises you cant keep. If something feels wrong, dont do it. Trust your instincts. Let me know whats happening. Im here. ', 'Im just gonna say it - your boyfriend is an idiot. What kind of person leaves someone they love because they cant have kids? In the age, with so many kids that need adoption, with so many people crowding this planet, to give up love because you cant biologically reproduce your partners genetics by natural methods is beyond ridiculous. Obviously, he isnt Tired bright or he would know there are many alternatives to the issue of having his own kids through your future pregnancies. Give yourself time. Talk to people. Consider not making any decisions for awhile. Check out this sub, /r/childfree. Good people there. ', 'Dammit, sweetie! Im sorry that happened to you. ', 'No worries, love. Gave me a reason to live...even if for just a bit. So, thanks for reaching out. ', 'Well, you seem like a really decent guy with plenty of talent and lots more going for you. 58" is by no means dwarf territory. Most women I know would be falling all over themselves trying to be with you. What thoughts have you had on why you get friend zoned by women? Because just one of your talents would be sufficient to keep many many women interested for a lifetime if you have enough confidence in yourself. Do you think maybe the few times you have given it a good shot and not succeeded have zapped your charisma a bit? It happens to the best of us, you know.	4	Attempt
I totally get this. I have suicide / death fantasies at least a dozen times a day. Somehow Ive made it into my thirties though, and oftentimes now Im able to laugh at the little fantasies. Im not quite as smart as you, but Im in the hood. The biggest thing about smart is that its not good for much if you dont give a shit. Its like being super strong, but you dont feel like lifting anything heavier than 10 lbs. All I can say is to try to enrich your life. Youre like an oak sapling that has no nutrients/ sunlight. Figure out what interests you and do more of it. ', 'If your mom is having financial issues, paying for your funeral will not help.	2	Ideation
true, I based my conclusion on bad stories really, Ive heard some good but they seem to be a minority who most of the times have an unusual condition. and like you said, most people who are on medication dont recommend them to others. Ive heard your story a few times.Ive never heard of Hypothyroidism tho, I will digg into that, but i doubt it is what I have. 5 years ago I was in the same place as now, but in a less degree. I did a lot of research and rebuild my mind from the ground up. clean slate and trying to be positive again.school, it worked out 2 years ago my life was going up, had a nice job a nice home, and i could go on vacation without to worry about anything really, then the crisis came, and took everything Ive build in 4 months, lost everything. Im now back living with my mom because its almost impossible to hold a job longer then 3 weeks. the market is just screwed up. from then I slowly got back in this dark place. Ive tried. believe me I tried. I just watched everything i worked so hard for die out. I tried even harder then before to regain it. but no success. all the doors are closed for me now. The only thing i can do is go back to school and start a new career in a different sector. getting a bigger debt and wasting 4 years of my life again. But I feel its just the government and stuff playing games with us. I dont want to be a pawn in their schemes. aandd now im here.. ', 'Thnx, I will! :D', 'yep, The doctor gave me some reassurance that its only for the first 2 weeks, and you have to push through it if you feel a lot of side effects.Im on my second day, i havent noticed much yet. just a floating feeling and strangly last night my shin Pain when i went to sleep . today Ive read it is also a side effect.. So many side effects. But indeed, im also wondering what it will do with you personality.. If it helps I can share my experience with you these 2 weeks, than I have another appointment with my doctor. to see if Its working or not. Im still kinda skeptical, but im willing to try it for these 2 weeks.', 'This hurts reading bro, like a shadow searching for light, but the light wont accept any shadow. Stupid metaphor but I had the same thing with my closest friends, I even told them In tears, you guys are right, everything will be fine, with a smile. While dieing inside.. After that I never or hardly let anyone know how I really feel.. I wish we could get together and just show each other what potential and beautifull people we are. ', 'Thnx for your reply! just what i was looking for :) Its the same as prozac ive been told. I feel the same way as you so thanks, that is reassuring. the Depression is priority to get rid of, so im willing to go through the first 2 weeks. :) im already looking forward to it. I have another question if you dont mind; how did the first weeks influence your work and social friends? should I just stay low profile for 2 weeks or didnt it had a big influence in your daily life?', 'Hey, Im kinda in the same spot, some days its better, some are worse. You can talk to me anytime, maybe we can ease each other Pain :)', 'ah dude, lets try this out first, Ive started the same way, I was fed up with the redundant music on the radio and t.v. and tried to make my own, something new and fresh, that was about 10 years ago, when i was round 16is, always been a hobby, every minute of free time I had went in music or dancing, The best outlet there is, Not exactly knowing what your doing, but the little things you know get you there. now I have a budget studio, and pirate software:P but heck I can do what i love, and if i use it for commercial purpose, I will by the stuff i used, to support the creators for giving me the tools to express my feelings. Ive experimented with all kinds of styles, I started with trance, (easy to start with) then house,hip hop, jazz, everything i could get my Weakness of hand on, even tried, (still am) playing the guitar/drums/bass. I already am decent on a keyboard, and i write my songs also.Everything is self taught also, so i think we can learn a lot from each other, now i make more ambient/hiphop stuff, or just crazy ish https://soundcloud.com/shifait-kuyperCheck it out, and you will see that the lazy and Numbness in it, i just cant get myself just to really finish the projects, or just give it its full potential. I just go with the middle and be satisfied.Still i feel like we can help each other in that at least, I know the i feel you bro, wont help a lot, but try it out, maybe we can make the cup half full instead of half emty ;)', 'Thnx for the boost. But honestly, I feel the same way, all the hard work and hours feel more useless, that drains my hard work ethics and motivations.. Lets make this deal. Lets make sure we both make it. By sharing a track ones a Asthenia you made in that Asthenia, or something like that, that way we can give each other tips or just share an eargasm moment. Anyway let me know what you think about that.. ', 'Ive just posted also. But your feeling is what bothers me a lot, I have the same of similar feeling.. That alone feeling. Knowing they wont understand anyway, and if you try they act like they have to comfort you, when only all I want is an honest opinion, or just the sparkle in your eye that you seem to connect with the situation Im in. And that makes me feel so spoiled. What makes it worse. Because Im not someone who easily opens up or ask for help. And then to still be helpless. Is such a downer emotion.. I dont have any solutions, but you arent alone. I know a lot of people are going through this, but still it feels so lonely. ', 'Dreams take a lot of effort to realize, but there a lot of types of work ethics and goals, becoase we all want something else in life. The thing is we like to judge others by our own efforts, for me thats the problem, just live how you want to live, heck if you want to live on the streets go ahead, I wont look down on you thinking Im so much better only becoase Im following orders. Only the beholder knows what his/her dreams goals are, and if they reached it and are enjoying life same respect. We all die the way we were born anyway.. ', 'I have a shitty health care so it would cost me a shitload. And honestly I dont see how someone who listens can help me. But to be fair Ive tried it twice and im really stubborn. I you cant prove me wrong or come up with a better solution. Ive lost my interest and go back to my own drawing board. I have a small background in psychology and philosophy and history(and that screwed me up the most how we treat people that offer us the road to happiness) Michael Jackson my biggest and first inspiration in life. And look how the world repays him. He was the first one that made me hate the world. I did explore my Pain and issues, but they are external. And I tried to ignore/twist them, but its just adding fuel to the fire. And I dont want to use any medication, im not that kind of guy that wants to manipulate my body to block certain feelings. I have to deal with it. but sadly Ive come to this conclusion. Its just that I feel like a mental slave that lost his connection to live the same dreams and goals of this world. But the real world is too dark for me.Or Ive learned the hard way how fragile and Asthenia I actually am. ', 'You can pm anytime', ':) I appreciate it but my mind is too far gone. I guess this is the wrong place to ask to help me for the tools to do it myself lol. But you guys are awesome! sad that in real life its the opposite.', 'https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4uiNadzcME&list=UUPdp_RAwS93XCBeAnSTLq7gthis guy makes it all worthwhile! i\xc2\xb4m sure you\xc2\xb4ll like his work', 'twice but it didnt lead to anything. ', 'Thanks for your reply, I feel like Ive wasted a lot of time twisting on this with all your positive replies :D , The trade of is more than worth it in my opinion hearing your opinions dealing with them. Thanks for the reassurance:) ', 'Im 27 , black, depressed/recovering(most of my life) Been in denial till 16, rebelled till 23, 23/now Ive been studying and trying to find the truth behind all the emotions, and trying to place my own hate/grief in a place where i can use it as a learning tool, then a tool of anger. Having said that my opinion is that as human beings we have to reflect on our history and put in a balanced context. But as black people, we have to find a way to deal with the negative self reflections.almost by nature we grow up hiding our bad sides and walking on eggshells, while trying to fit in with 200% effort. Its still a long way, but weve come a long way also, History/culture books from African scholars, and traveling slowly made me think from a human perspective again. The world is a big place, with a lot of people. Propaganda does a lot of damage, but face to face we still see each other as humans most of the times. And also the (deep)close minded ones are on the verge of extinction.(thats why they bark so hard) The WW-Web broke so many barriers and were still seeing the results of it on a daily basis. As advice, I can only say that there are also a lot of good sides of being black, and a lot of brothers before us reached a lot that makes me proud to be black.(Michael Jackson is my role-model, music wise and as a person, making something positive out of negativity) We are masters of adaptation without losing yourself. Mold yourself in who you want to be.Be safe, you have seen the sun set, now see it rise http://www.reddit.com/r/history/comments/2g00aw/the_best_university_history_courses_you_can_take/ Free history courses, ', 'Thanks for your reply, True and I agree, its not that it will change your life on itself, but the boost is all i really need, and hearing that it does just that makes me happy that ive already started it. But Im not in therapy in the way of a psychiatrist or psychologist. (Im really stubborn and slowly starting to try other options) do you recommend professional counseling while on the meds? I do have close friends with who I can really open up to, but its me all the way that has to work through it.', 'Thanks for your reply and wow! they do sound like wonder pills reading your story XD, Im happy for you that they worked so good! I hope im next :D . Youve named all the tools I need to pick up my old self again and living my dreams again. I have another question if you dont mind; How did the side effects influence your first 2 weeks? with work and social aspects in your daily life? Im curious what is the best approach to it.', 'Im sorry I was not clear. Its not a medical condition. its a mental condition I have for over 10 years. Living in my own delusion of hope and dreams. Ive stopped doing that and became more like a realist. And that made it all worse. But Its was my own choice to know the truth then live a lie. Now that I know I feel like there is nothing more to prove.Im sorry to hear that. My condolence and I wish you all the strength and positive energy. You and your son dont deserve it. I cant imagine how hard it must be on you to carry it all on your shoulders with a smile. In my situation its only my mom. I love her so much that the only reason I went on for so long is for her. She often told me that Im the reason she sticks her neck out for us. I dont want her to think its her fault. She did everything she could, and I wouldnt change her for anything. For the rest I couldnt care less. People in general are selfish scum and this world wont change for the better. Thats how I really feel. People dont seem to really care/change the way I do. My story in short is. Ive tried to share my knowledge, time, money and energy without wanting anything for it in return. To make this world a better place. But Ive learned that human nature cant be changed and that the world is like this for a reason. What people give you in return is crap and delusions. So I have nothing left to do here. I hate the state were in. Everything is going for the worse. And Im Illness of heaving to go along with it. Like playing chess with cheaters. Whats the point. Ive worked in a hospital and for a while I had to clean the rooms of terminal ill people who had radiation treatment. And honestly with her body so weak. I saw a person shining bright with life. I wish I could traded my life for hers. When I walked out of the room I felt real bad how unfair it all is. I went there every time I could and talked to her trying to light her mood.Wow I didnt wanted to talk this much but just make it a little more clear.I am just done. Fed up and have no motivation for anything anymore. Im selling all my stuff and making sure I dont leave things unsettled. The only thing is I cant find any information how to create your own lethal cocktail. I dont just want to off myself in a horror situation. I want to make it seem I had a heart attack or something like that. just for my mom so she can live her own life instead of worrying about me. She deserves better than a train wreck for a son.', 'The brain can be our greatest help, or our greatest enemy. I have my own experience with thoughts that dont seem yourself. Trying to talk and finding reason behind them helped me a lot to calm myself a bit better. if you want to talk you can pm me :)', 'Thank you for your reply, you have answered a question I also had. I make music, dance, etc. I mean my creativity is a big part of who I am. But like I said youve answered it already. My priority lies in changing my life/thoughts to positive instead of negative. It also shows in my music/creativity(mostly dark and mysterious). while im a/I was always smiling positive kinda dude. I have an appointment with my doctor in 2 weeks, Ill make sure ill tell him how my experience was. So that we can pinpoint the right dosis sort of speak. But all of your feedback is helping a lot. I already feel more positive and like there is a goal to reach or a way to end the circle. :) feels really good:D thnx.', 'I help myself, by helping others, so i know im not useless, and that we all have our ordeals, but our mentality makes how we react to it, ', 'knowledge was all I was ever interested in. A proper understanding. And I feel I got what I wished for. The truth is stranger/darker then fiction. Ive gained all these beautiful gems. But a sheep doesnt know what to do with a gem.. So yeah nothing more to see here. so Im trying to move along.', 'Hey, you can talk to me, or we can play dark souls if you re on pc. There is always a sunbro to help :) ', 'I know exactly what you mean! it was walking with the same thing for a half year now, my mom works in a hospital, and she had her own share of Depression but never tried any medication. So I feel you bro, for me it was just the last straw, and with the positive power I had left I just went for it. My mom is still skeptical, but she agreed that if the doctor thinks its for the best. at least I have to try. I just want a change for the better. But i will keep you updated on my situation. I just hope more people will share their stories also. ', 'thanks, It made me really think. I have a lot of those symptoms, and I recognize that being aware of those things is better than suppressing them. Lot of suppressed rage, and Sharp Pain to walk away. Not really understanding why. I made the first step anyway with the meds, so why not give it all a chance. Thanks ', 'True, but I have trust issues and because of that I feel like the only one I can/have leaned on is myself. And its that the beauty can be destroyed much faster than it takes to build it up. In a context. Im just Tired making a sandcastle only for it to be washed away to start all over again. I understand that every time I rebuild I can create something better then before. But my focus has been absorbed by the sea. Why its behaves this way. The sea is in that context the human nature. I dont want you guys to worry about me. And to be fair, the information Im looking for is harder to obtain than I thought. If I had a shitload of sleeping pills at this moment I still wouldnt hesitate to use them. Im set on that this is my best solution. Tho it feels good to let my thoughts out. Even tho you guys know more about my situation than most of the people that know me for almost my whole life. And you guys do a good job trying to talk me out of it. If I was in doubt I wouldve question it. Maybe I shouldve tried this sooner. But Im determent. Im Numbness beyond the point of caring. Im a emotionless zombie. Being a waste of space and money. Ive already started selling my stuff and I really dont feel anything with it. A milestone in my life was having my own budget music studio. The most energy I put into anything. And for a time my music was my outlet. Now I already sold my precious mic. And I didnt even feel any remorse. Im fully aware that my mind has already fully given up. And Im a realist. I have no more fight in me to try.. Im really sorry, I want to give you a happy ending. But all I can say is I will be in peace. I just want to do it in an sophisticated way. before it gets worse and I try to end it in a painful/stupid way. Also kinda foolish, I guess I dont want to come over as an act of desperation. But that is also fooling myself.Anyway I appreciate you guys really. It isnt fair of me to ask people of helping me kill myself. ', 'You can pm me anytime :)', 'Thank you! I will take your tips to heart, and I already feel more confident that it has something worthwhile the whole side effects. Thanks for your opinion, i will continue my daily life, I dont have a lot of interactions on social basis, so im sure that ill manage then :D, thanks again for the reply, Its reassuring that it can help me come over my Depression.', 'You want to share your knowledge with me then? Crappy producer here, can use all the help I can get. :) ', '"Maybe people living life differently are actually living it the way they want free from the burdens of society and are truly happy - maybe I should see that as their success because they got what they wanted afterall."Exactly where i was trying to go, some (ignorence plays a big part) are happy the way there life is, more of the foundation and the daily routine, if its going well, why look at the bad, and even why bother, Thats why people that are in Pain or Pain rather try to fix it themselves , then listen to someone who cant understand you, and thinks there education can fix things. And ive noticed that most times, its just about venting with someone, who honestly will listen, and understand your position. instead of the feeling like you are wasting someones time and killing their vibe with your negativity.But to be honest, I can hardly believe that you rather do nothing, than the things you like and love, even reddit brings a smile on my face every morning before Ive even seem anyone. It helps set the mood in the morning. The exceptions you are talking about, care to share your personal goals, or likes? expectations are always a big deal to us personal, even if its something little like saying I love you everyday, And as long as youre breathing, your still working with your expectations, even if it will take you another 10 years, who cares, as long as you can smile at the end, knowing you reached the things you liked to try and see in life.And try to look more at the little things, you say nothingness, but everything we do is something, a lot of small things can pile up to something big.Just sharing my experience,', ':) stay strong. And Im here if you need an ear to talk to ', 'That helped me a lot! im sure it will do the same to you, you also have a month, just take your time, if it works after two weeks ill make sure to let you know ;)', 'I have the same, but Ive changed the way I give advise, half of them slowly stopped asking me for advise, but the change is important. Usually they ask me something Ive felt myself before or went trough something similar, so now I tell them honestly, the + sides and the -, the way how I feel them, those who are genuine and can look inside them self, open up more, and the bound is much closer. Now we just philosophise more about our limits and downers, in a self sufficient way, then how we should behave in the eyes of others. Or in dealing with it. Ive noticed that the once who slowly left, are the ones who are trying to force there way out. Now I have a more win win situation, and it feels more genuine.. Just sharing, I didnt really realized it before I read your post. ', 'Same, its more now like how long will I keep this up. If youre forcing yourself to live, it isnt fun anymore... ', 'he tried, but didnt want to use them. Im kinda anti drug use. but as I said stubborn and try to do everything myself and with willpower.. well I use to have a lot of that. did you tried some meds? my mom had some once the downers things that block emotions. when i saw here like that I didnt told myself that isnt the answer', 'Nah, love you guys, been reading a lot of post after venting with this one, it really helps a lot. You guys are life savers. Now that I know where I can share these feelings, or if I need prove that we share the same feelings, and we are in this together, we all are strangers, yet feel so connected to each other.. That made the smile of the day for me. And some fuel to keep on moving. Thnx for the reply :) I wish you the best of luck and love and hope I could make you smile as I did :) and I will keep that offer:), gives a nice feeling knowing I have a place to vent/express. Knowing we understand each other here. ', 'I have the same. Its gone to a point where I dont even bother anymore. Ive Isolated myself mostly out of protection. It sucks but I dont see a solution or a middle way to go out everyday living a lie with a fake smile. and I cant stand it longer than a hour or so, then my natural balancing system comes up, and try to neutralize the conversation. like a but in this case its not the same. and then I realize ah I made a unpopular comment. and just shut up and wait for a good time to bail. Now I havent been to a birthday or a party of a friend for over a year. people seem to stop asking, and Im actually happy with that. Real awkward and strange state to be in.. Not wanting to be antisocial. But cant deal with people at this time.', 'True! Poetry for the soul. And I am actually now at the moment. You guys man. :) ', 'Thanks for your reply, :D lol I have the kind of body build that just cant gain any weight. I already eat for 2 people so that wont be any problem in my situation :D, Im/was also Tired active, training a lot, being creative, it was my biggest outlet dealing with my Depression. But it even took that over. My body now just moves without any real feelings. Thats why I really started the meds. Im already at the point of losing myself . But wow how can one post change your day! in the morning hearing my mom on the phone telling me its not a good med. to hearing so many positive reactions that really made me look forward to it. And not like its a placebo treatment with only side effects. Thanks again. 3 years is a Tired long time tho, is it a high dosis that you have to use? and can you see yourself again without using any meds? sorry for the rude questions but I agree that the tradeoff is worthwhile. and hearing that the workouts give you such a boost(which is awesome! keep it up) that you already made the goal for yourself to get off the meds eventually:D . just wondering if time can really heal someone out of his Depression, while on meds. Or that it can be a lifetime med that we have to use..', 'Nice one. Ive been playing dark souls. And you reminded me of a sunbro mate of mine who used to help me.', 'True, and she is aware of my condition. She is just helpless and has to watch how every time I get up I fall further down. She has a harder time with it then me. We have a good relationship and spoke about it for a year. But Ive reached a point that Im unreachable. She doesnt know how to react, and I dont have the strength anymore to keep a facade up. She is my world, and I know Im hers, it just Pain so much not being able to give some of it back that she has offered me. She offered me life and I cant even hold that together. I cant even offer her my smile anymore.. I dont know how to coupe with this situation any longer. And I know that my death wont do her any good. I guess I kept that in mind to ease the Pain of leaving her behind all alone.', 'Im at a third of it right now reading :) interesting book, but I just wanted you to know that Ive put my head up yet again and, try to stay strong and will forward the favour on this tread as you helped me:) I will let you know my opinion of the book when im done :D but thanks for listening to me, I really appreciate it:)	2	Ideation
I will PM you when I get on my laptop. I would have put my life story on here but thats just too much typing on my phone. Idk. Im just really, really scared right now. Im 16.* copied this from one of my old posts.. I have always had a shit life. I know this sounds cliche but its true. Maybe Im overreacting.. I probably am. But it just sucks. I literally can not remember a happy memory before I was 8. Its all just my parents fighting and breaking shit. And one time my dad got mad and hit me. And he hit my mom. And my parents got divorced. My mom married an alcoholic, and my dad married a woman who hates me. My stepdad likes to kick us out of the house when he gets drunk. He gets drunk a lot. And my stepmom just is spiteful. As if home wasnt enough, I hate myself. I know Im smart, but I cant focus. At all. I try so hard, but its like my brain doesnt want to cooperate. And I hate myself. I hate every fucking thing about myself. Like how I ruin every relationship Im ever in. And how I dont have the attention span to do anything I am actually interested in because its too hard to learn about it... Im not even strong enough to kill myself. And thats all I want.I know Im being melodramatic, but I cant handle this. I cant. So many people have it worse.. and I just feel like shit for myself. Im a horrible person. I. Want. To. Die.', 'I have a problem web habitual activities so writing my feelings down wont work. As for meditation... really??? And whats biofeedback?', 'Maybe Im wrong but that seems Tired contradictory. If Ill never get over it, why would I want to keep doing this. Its too much. I just want it to be over. Ive talked to people. Im out of options.', 'There was a whole list that was already posted. Excercise, writing, singing, listening to music, walking, travelling, talking, masturbating (no Im not kidding masturbation relieves stress) I mean pretty much any verb.', 'My insurance covered five days, but I know fuck all about insurance, because Im under my parents care. Its not day and night with therapists. they have a few group therapy things a day, and then a meeting with a psychologist ever day except for weekend. Then they have people around that you can constantly talk to. They usually switch shifts and stuff, so it sucks if you get attatched to one, but theyre always there. Jeep in mind that every place is different, these are just my experiences. I think you should go. ', 'Hhahahahahaah you pulled a joke off my username on a post where Im threatening suicide!!! You so silly!!!!... go fuck yourself.', 'Plenty of things can make you feel like that. But whyd you stop cutting in the first place?', 'Ill give you a tip, dont make people feel worthless if you want to make them feel better.', 'Its not even just my parents. I wish it was. Because I can deal with the fact that they are horrible parents. And they know they are. They apologize a lot, but they dont change anything. And I know that a lot of these feelings are "oh Im an angsty teenager." Trust me, I get that. But Depression fucks me up. ADHD fucks me up. BPD.. well you get it.As for hobbies, photography, but Im pretty shit. Filming, but I usually lose focus after I get an idea. Art, but I cant draw or paint. Reading, but sometimes I lose focus halfway through. The only thing I can honestly say I do regularly is write songs. And Im fairly good. Because it doesnt require actual focus for me. Just ten minutes of writing.', 'Im sorry.. well then what do you do to cope with your problems? Im just curious.', '17 year old guy. Been there. Actually Im still there for a lot of reasons. Im not sure what would have helped the most when I was 14. I wasnt ever strong enough to admit I had a problem. And while I knew I wasnt alone in the world I really felt like it and there wasnt a Damn thing anyone could say to change that. So, I guess I cant say much but this: Adults arent lying. Life gets better. Its hard. Its harder than anything you will ever do in your life. But there will be days in the near future where you feel okay and those days are worth being around for. I know it seems too far away. But what do you have to lose? Just hold on. And get some help. Sorry Im a cliche twat.', 'Essentially, the school told my mom, who drove me to Crises Intervention at the local hospital. They deemed me a danger to myself. My mom found my drugs, porn, razor blades, and other stuff. she went through my everything. Also, while at the psych ward, I was withdrawing from cutting, Burning sensation, and Vicodin at the same time. My girlfriend was forced to break up with me (were together now). I didnt want to be there, I was forced to. All of this really Pain my experiences. However, I can say this, I want to go back. It sucks, admittedly. Its like a prison. You have no rights. You feel like shit. But youre safe. Youre safe and you can learn coping strategies and you learn that youre not alone (elementary but necessary) and you actually deal with Pain there. You can let it out. I hated the psych ward, but if you try to get better, you can.', 'Yeah I noticed mostly teenagers too. It made me happy. I was hoping things would get better as I got older but apparently not.', 'Im 16. I just meant he doesnt want to give me any medication because Im too young. I guess.', 'I wanted to admit myself for awhile. But the closest psych ward is 45 minutes away meaning my parents would ask too many questions that I cant answer. Ill post my life story in a bit. I have to copy it and edit it. I cant type it all on my phone.* copied this from one of my old posts.. I have always had a shit life. I know this sounds cliche but its true. Maybe Im overreacting.. I probably am. But it just sucks. I literally can not remember a happy memory before I was 8. Its all just my parents fighting and breaking shit. And one time my dad got mad and hit me. And he hit my mom. And my parents got divorced. My mom married an alcoholic, and my dad married a woman who hates me. My stepdad likes to kick us out of the house when he gets drunk. He gets drunk a lot. And my stepmom just is spiteful. As if home wasnt enough, I hate myself. I know Im smart, but I cant focus. At all. I try so hard, but its like my brain doesnt want to cooperate. And I hate myself. I hate every fucking thing about myself. Like how I ruin every relationship Im ever in. And how I dont have the attention span to do anything I am actually interested in because its too hard to learn about it... Im not even strong enough to kill myself. And thats all I want.I know Im being melodramatic, but I cant handle this. I cant. So many people have it worse.. and I just feel like shit for myself. Im a horrible person. I. Want. To. Die.', 'It should have sent..', 'Sixteen year old to sixteen year old.. dont give up. Ive been unhappy for a long time. Fuck, minutes prior to this I was considering relapsing in cutting and Burning sensation again. I know recovery is hard. I know survival is hard. But it sounds like getting away from your parents and your town will help a lot. If death is the only other option, you should give it a shot. Just wait, one year, (or two if youre a junior, Idk Im gonna be a senior) and see if its better away from your family. Im not asking you to live forever. Im asking you to give living another chance.', 'Yep, if you ever need anything, message me. Especially when the time comes to make your decision. Im not always on here, but I could PM you my email or Tumblr if youd feel okay with that. Its your decision. Good luck on your finals and with your life. Im still in recovery. Its hell. But its worth it. Never give up.', 'Therapy hasnt helped. Ive been in it for a few months.', 'Im going to tell you what everyone is going to tell you. Go to counseling. Im 17 too and I know its uncomfortable and weird and it feels like it wont help. But the right psychologist WILL take you seriously. And thats a fucking great first step. Plus, how awesome did it feel to just unload all of this? Yeah its hard to say at first. But it feels good just to let everything out. And thats what a psychologist will do for you. On a regular basis. With the added bonus that they arent just Suicidal 17 year olds on the internet trying to give advice to people.', 'Depression is fucking hard. I know. It eats at you constantly. Like, every happy moment you have is overshadowed by this constant pit in your gut. But I guess talking about it does help. High school sucks. Im a junior, and I still hate it. But not all the guys are douches. Ive been told by the last three girls that Ive talked to, that Im "too sweet". Which is mostly because I hate hurting people. Im not saying Im special, cuz Im a shit boyfriend. Just saying that not everyone is a typical bro. As for talking to strangers.. thats why this subreddit is here. Anonymity is a great thing. And Im elijah.', 'Ill watch that as soon as I can. Thanks a lot. But now I have to delete this because I forgot to change accounts and friends know this one. ', 'Look at the scars on your body. Remember the night you tried to kill yourself. Cutting wasnt the answer then and it isnt now. There are so many better coping mechanisms.', 'I know. My brains fucked up and I dont produce enough endorphins or whatever it is that makes me happy. But god I just want to be able to control one thing in my life. I cant focus. I cant sleep. I cant be happy. Just once Id like to be normal. By myself.', 'Im going to PM you tomorrow, ok? Im Tired but I want to talk. If you want to, that is.', 'I would do anything to paint, actually. So I guess we do. Ill PM you tomorrow, but writing really isnt that hard. I could give you some tips. Im no expert, but if you really wanna do it, its a start.', 'Not really. So far its just been talking about my feelings', 'Yeah, sorry. I know why you brought it up, but Im well aware my parents are assholes. This is nothing new. Theyve been good parents I guess, but they are horrible people.. as for the medicine... no. I havent. My therapist hasnt brought up medicine yet. But I guess Im gonna call him tomorrow and ask for some. Im also gonna smoke weed tomorrow and see if that changes anything.', 'You bet your sweet ass you wont :P', '"Cuz if seeing is believing, then believe that we have lost our eyes".. yeah, nobody likes to believe what isnt obviously there. If you met me, you wouldst believe Im writing this. I know it sucks man. It really does. But if it helps at all, way more people feel this way than youd think. Youre not alone. And maybe you can get help.', 'I spent half the day alternating between "I want to die" and "I want someone to kill me". Like, it was just those two thoughts repeated for 6 hours. I almost did it that night.', 'Fuck you. Theres a fine line between being a pep talking hardass, and just a complete and utter asshole. You took a big leap over that line. This isnt what anyone needs. Fuck off.', 'YES! One if my friends tried to kill herself on the day that I was planning on killing myself (two things were unrelated). I postpone ny attempt but accidently let it slip to my friends sister that "that could have been me tonight". She told the guidance office, who found out that I cut and sent me to the hospital who sent me to the psych ward. I was there for five days. Ask me anything.', 'He knows Im Suicidal. But I always said I was never going to kill myself. Even now I probably wont, because Im too afraid but when the time comes.. Ill try.', 'Hey, Im a sixteen year old guy too.. look, I cant promise these feelings will go away. For me they havent. But my life is getting better. It took me two whole years. But Im getting better. I dont know how long it might take for you, but its worth the wait. Its ok to feel like this. It doesnt make you different from anyone else. You just need to try to get help. Talking about your problems DOES help. I know I cant contribute much. And Im sorry for that. But Id be more than willing to listen if you ever want to PM me. ', 'Look thats not even what this is about. I just put it here because its what Im putting in my note... I am not happy. I havent been happy in years. I have panic attacks almost nightly and when I dont, I just have them twice as hard the next day. I cant focus on anything. I cant live up to any expectations. My life has always been Hell. And Ive always been a quitter... I wish I could run away.', 'It is. The focus of the picture is astounding, and while the subject of the picture doesnt follow the rule of thirds, theres enough going on in the landscape that it doesnt really matter. Also, it tells a story, which is fucking hard to do when theres one picture.', 'I am in therapy. But my therapist hasnt suggested it yet. I dont want pills. I dont want to be chemically happy. I want to be happy. I want my life to not be Hell for once. ', 'Probably thinks Im too young. Idk, Ill call tomorrow. Thanks.', 'Oddly enough, one of the reasons I still feel like utter shit is because of a girl. Who I may or may not have been in love with.Look I know this doesnt make sense, but love isnt a once in a lifetime thing. It feels like it should be. It feels like the earth should shift with each circumstance of your relationship. But it doesnt. The world wont end. Find new friends. And use your loving family to your advantage and get help.', 'Motivation is the number one issue for the next four days because I have two book reports due that I havent started. But I think Im past caring about that. Whatever gets me through now..', 'I dont know if youve ever cut before but if you havent let me give you a little breakdown.Cutting is essentially the worst thing to do in your situation. Its like a drug. Itll help a little at first. But not for long. Itll help for an hour. Maybe less. And youll just want more. So youll keep doing it. But soon itll stop helping. Soon youll just do it and do it and there will be no reason why. Youll hate yourself more. Your scars will stack up and youll be physically repulsed by yourself. Cutting isnt the solution. If you have cut yourself and you want to relapse, remember that cutting wont change anything. All of your problems are still there, and now you have to worry about your cuts on top of everything else. Of course stopping is hard. Its hell. There will be nights where you want to die. There will also be nights where you lay on the ground and stare at the stars and feel alive for the first time in years. Not Worried about the cuts on your wrists or the bad thoughts in your head and I promise you those nights are worth fighting for. Stay strong.', 'God damnit. I just spent$110 at borders..', '17 M.Look I cant tell you anything that you havent heard before. I cant provide some special grain of wisdom because were of a similar age and have similar problems. At this point, if youre anything like me, youre just skimming the answers. Because no matter what, no one can FIX you. When all you want is to like yourself. To like life. To be fucking happy. Hey I get it. Truth is, liking yourself is hell. But you seem smart. And I know that you have the strength to carry on because you made it this far. You need to consider therapy. I know it sucks but it helps. Stay strong, dear. Im a lot happier than I was a year ago. If you ever need anything message me. ', 'Haha thank you. But Ive just told the majority of my friends to fuck off. Because I was mad that they never tried to help even though they all knew I tried to kill myself. But, Im not sure I would have wanted their help.. so Im not sure why I cared. But I care.', 'Idk. Nobody seems to be much happier. My dad just called me worthless. Said I was a quitter... Fuck, hes SUPPOSED to love me. And he cant. Its not like its guaranteed to get better. My mom is bipolar, I think. Because she just has breakdowns. And my dad is depressed. This just doesnt seem to go away. Im trying so hard to just not hate myself. And to just get through it. I just dont think I can. Theres no point. Everyone has their lives. And Im glad youre happy. But I cant be happy. Its genetic.ALSO, stop pissing off owls, and Ill stop fapping.', '16', 'Probably. But it hasnt helped so far. He seems to be convinced I just need to figure out who I am. I know who I am. This isnt a Fucking tv show and Im the struggling teenager. Its stupid. I know what I have to do.', 'I was supposed to be something important. I was supposed to go to Stanford or Penn. Be a doctor. And then I got to high school and I wouldnt focus. I started failing classes and under achieving. And my dad and my mom both called me a failure. And my dad disowned me. Basically called me worthless. Thats not really why Im Suicidal. Ive been here before. But shit. That Pain.', 'Its not like I ever get over it.. I just used to be too afraid to kill myself.', 'Im a sixteen year old guy.. let me tell you something, dear, you cant give up. Ive been through slightly similar situations. I watched my mom try to kill herself. I had friends try to kill themselves. I know that part is hell, and I know how much it sucks. You need help. You cant just give up. My life has gotten better from when I was 15 until now. Please dont give up, beautiful. I know I could never understand exactly what youre going through but I want to do as much as I can to help you.', 'Yes. Yes it does.', 'Right. At this point I should probably say that Im not going to kill myself. I want to, yeah. But Im never going to it. Im sorry for scaring people here... anyway I have always ran away from problems. Im a quitter according to my dad. This is nothing new.', 'Im not, really. Im just afraid of leaving this all behind. Its all Ive wanted for months and yet I cant bring myself to do it.', 'Ive been to an inpatient facility so if youre younger than 18 Ill tell you what you can expect. But adult psych wards are completely different.', 'Shit dude. I dont even know what to say. Im really not great at advice. Im more of a listener. But not coping with your problems leads you down a horrible, horrible road. I started cutting and Burning sensation and taking pills instead of seeing a therapist or finding other ways to get help. My life was pure hell. And then I tried to kill myself, and I ended up in a psych ward. I know youre probably wondering why Im telling you this.. but because my life got better. If you feel overwhelmed and like you cant deal with your problems, whats the worst that can happen if you talk to a therapist? You say you want to kill yourself.. it cant possibly make anything worse. I wont try to talk you into it anymore. Just consider it. It took me months to tell my therapist anything but I did. It might just help you', 'Well what do you suggest I do? I think the whole point of actually going to therapy is so that you can figure out what you can do to get better. Its not just about talking. It IS unfortunate that I cant suggest specific things to make his life better, but different things work for different people. I was acting like I had it all figured out for him, but honestly, my life is still Hell. I realize telling him to go to therapy may not change anything, but I thought it was better than nothing. (Oh, and my insurance covers my therapy)', 'I know. I know its not theory fault. I just got pissed. And Im not sure if I actually want them back... I know this is going to sound like a cliche teenager thing, but for awhile I had a girl that I really liked. Which is weird for me. I dont usually feel that.. we met on the first day of school and we talked for two weeks straight. And we were going to go to homecoming together and we hung out twice this weekend. And then.. Idk? Shes either pissed at me, or just mad. But she wont respond to me. And thats why I hate friendships and relationships. I cant deal with it. Like just when I start to rely on her, I fucked up... And Im elijah.	3	Behavior
Okay, were still here, so let us know!', 'Whenever I tend to help someone to go through a difficult moment in their life, I dont do it because of me but because I hear a cry for help. I too have well gone into Depression and its a shitty place, everything around you is pitch black, you have no self respect and you are selfish as hell because you dont care about that one person who may want you to stay alive. So there, Im just being there for those who want to get out of this black hole which is called Depression. ', 'I think you are sabotaging yourself. You still think of it as youre missing something. No you are not, it just happened for you not to find the right person yet.Just a question. Have you tried flirting girls and everything? How did it go? Do they give you a chance at all? Have your friends commented on this?', 'He found another girlfriend. Do me a favor and start respecting and loving yourself, now! why do you blame yourself?', 'If you share your problem with us, we may be able to help you', 'Hey, when I was in High School some stupid kids started spreading rumours for me because I broke up with a friend of theirs. It was Tired hurtful and a lot of other mates turned their back on me. However I knew what I did was right and I believed in my morals and stuck to it, even though I lost my popularity (was school president). Years later, those who turned their back on me came back and apologised. What Im trying to say is that kids at school can get nasty and its Tired difficult to do anything else because all you think about is these stupid kids, then you fight with your mom and all you wish is to turn back time. I know but! What you need to do is keep on believing in yourself, try to study harder, get someone to help you and even talk to teachers and let them know what youre going through. Im not sure what happened in your situation but you shouldnt give up now and no matter what dont think of suicide. Theyre not worth it. ', 'Also find a hobby, may it be painting, gardening, crafting, cooking or baking. You can also get a pet. The best thing however is to talk as much as you can-get it out of your chest. Writing a journal or a letter about all your feelings and then Burning sensation it also does the trick. And of course all the things our fellow redditor suggested.', 'Hey, you actually made me laugh. (In a good way) Because you said this "That Im faulty or something" and it was just funny, thought of a broken toy or something. So why dont you focus on the good things about you instead of what you think is bad? I think you got humor and dont know it. Have you ever had any female friends? Did you try to ask them what they thought of you? ', 'Poetry is a nice way to express your feelings and be who you want to be through your poems. What exactly would you want to do if you had the chance to be free?', 'Relax! I just read a long stressful post of a person who needs a hug. So big hug for you! I know sometimes people seem to say things like "dont worry, youll be ok" but you are still not at a state where you feel confident enough about it, its ok. Try to have a conversation with your mum or even write a letter to her and say how you feel. Now, I would also suggest that you move out. Moving in/out of houses changes your psychology soooo much! You may even meet new people and hopefully friendly neighbours. If you dont feel confident about your health then move to a place close to your family. However I once met a girl who was Disability and had lots of health problems but she lived by herself and she was ok! Have you thought of joining clubs? Even going to the gym can help you meet people. ', 'well its about time you teach her "fetch" or try talking to her. They dont understand a thing and they may chew your shoes while you talk but it does make you feel better. Chemo does weaken you and its difficult sometimes to use the computer. Can your mom read to you? ', 'good. Voluntary work will help you feel better too, you will start having better self esteem and respect for yourself. Try different types of jobs and see what you may like most and keep us updated, k?', 'Once you find something that gets you up from your bed, youll soon find your motivation again and youll be encouraged to do more. There are many things you can do as a volunteer but the best thing is that it gives you the time to think of what you want to do while actually doing something and meeting people. If you think you can still go to univesrity, then by all means do. Just find something that you like. You could choose to learn IT, computer animation and so many other things which can be related to games. Imagine if you could create your Tired own game!', 'Everyone goes through a break-up but this doesnt mean you need to feel like that. Break-ups are usually messy and make us feel unloved but thats not true. You need to love yourself first! You dont seem like your give much respect to yourself if you feel so sad about a break-up. Did you think you were not ready for a break-up? was it unexpected?', 'keep me updated! good luck and I hope this helps with things at home.', 'nah..we do too have weaknesses but we try not to let it get to us. you can do anything you want in your life, thats what Ive learnt. I still amaze myself by the things I do and never thought I could. Do you perhaps think you can use this example to get through this difficult situation? ', 'That is a difficult situation and I understand why you feel sad and angry. Even happy normal people get Depression with cancer. Hows it going in the chemo? do you have any hobbies?', 'that goes for everyone. Its not easy to trust people because youre afraid you may get hurt. However I would encourage you to socialize more as it helps with self esteem and personaL psychology. If you need anything you can pm me or talk through this post, Im sure others want to help you too. ', 'Hey Im sorry you had to go to a psychiatric clinic, that must have been a Tired scary experience for you. And thanks for sharing this, it is good to see that you realise how important talking and sharing feelings helps out of Depression.', 'You need to see a therapist soon. I am not sure if you are suffering from Depression or some other condition. I can see that you still want to change and Im sure you can do better and show yourself (and others) that youre worth it. However in order for you to realise your potential, you need to think twice before getting drunk. Again Im not sure of what is causing you to have this behavior (could be bipolar disorder). Do you have any memories of what happens before going out and getting drunk? ', 'true-in this economy all it matters is experience.', 'Im glad youre feeling better. I also think you owe it to her and to yourself to give her an apology. I think it will make you feel better too. ', 'Can you share your story because to me you sound as if you are pissed off with the system and the people and everything. What happened to you that was so tragic and so sad that made you feel this way?', 'Hmm, its not my call to tell you if shes being psychotic (like my mom)or if shes going through a difficult transition in her life, but I could advise you talking to your dad. Do you think that if you shared your thoughts with your dad that he would be able to give you some insight? Have you tried talking to her and asking why shes behaving like this? I did this with my mom and I felt better because once I talked to her and my dad I was more able to understand what was happening with her. ', 'Well, there are always incidents happening in train stations, it doesnt necessarily mean that it was him. Besides we dont know where he lives. I can only hope that hes ok...-edit- did you notice that it was his only post?', 'Find a guitar club or move town. The good thing is that you recognise who you really are, so try to find the right person who actually gets you for who you truly are. ', 'I know. Thats why you need something to hold you up. Something that will inspire you to care and to not give up. ', 'I hope youre not trolling now', 'Yeah, sometimes we choose the wrong people to associate with.', 'If you like it and with a little bit of effort you can make this a Tired profitable profession. But Id advise you not to use money as motivation to do things. In the end of the day its what you enjoy doing that will bring you joy. You should give it a try. Do it at least for yourself.', 'I wonder what happened. He didnt reply and I dont see other posts. Im worried', '"One day I changed my mind and isolated myself. I learnt how to design websites" that should make you feel proud!Look, I had a rough childhood too and I felt Suicidal a while ago. I do know how you feel right now but what I want you to do is to think W H Y you feel empty inside. What is missing from your life now? You dont have to do it for us but do it for you; you at least deserve to know and realise what makes you feel that way now. Its not the little things, these are just the excuses. Its something bigger, can you tell us?', 'again Ill remind you that you need to look for the right person. Im sure that with time, you will. You need to look for character and personality, not looks. ', 'Hmm, I too didnt have much money to spend so one day when I was feeling down, I took a piece of cardboard some old acrylic tubes and started painting. It wasnt the prettiest thing ever but it made me feel so good. By the way do you think his behaviour is causing you Depression? ', 'To my eyes it is selfish because you really act like a crazy bitch when you Pain and you say Pain stuff that Pain others. And can you explain what you mean by this "society holds the arms of these behind their backs as well". ', 'Im not sure how I can help but can you relate to any of these [symptoms of Depression!](http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Depression/Pages/Symptoms.aspx)', 'cute! keep on targeting doctors, it drives them crazy (sorry docs). Im ok but have Injury of muscle Disability but Im managing. Thats why I wanted to tell you Im here. ', 'Im sure she was, try to listen to some music. I still think of the pets Ive lost and I know I hold nice memories of them and thats what counts.', 'Hey. Internet hug. Where do you live?-Edit-What I meant was, can we help you? (dont give out address) ', 'Sure, why not? All you need to do is to approach people, talk to them and let them know of your situation. You should be able to find something, just talk to them. Who knows, maybe they will offer more money than your current wage. But dont forget that apprenticeships are usually for people between 16-24 so dont let this opportunity slip away. Look for government schemes too-they may be able to put you in contact with such people. ', 'Thanks for sharing. I tend to believe that no matter what you have accomplished in your life, turning 20 something just makes you see the world differently. Im Tired close to your age and I feel for you. This may sound silly but have you ever considered going into voluntary work and try lots of different jobs and see what you may like? I did this and I found meaning in my life. And also have you ever thought of telling (or writing to) your dad about the story with the soap? It may lift a burden from you and not make you feel guilty about lying about it. Im here whenever you need help. ', 'Its called hope. Thats what I call it. I feel like I can do things, change things and I want to smile and tell people that things are going to be fine. It has happened to me but you really need to kick Depression really hard before you start feeling "normal" (ordinary) again. I think...', 'Yes this happens. Just try not to take it out on them because the consequences are quite bad. You are looking for re-assurance, someone to tell you that they are there for you. Have you tried telling any close friends or family members of how you feel? When things arent going well, you just need an extra dose of love, thats understandable. ', 'Have you talked to any of your family members about your feelings? ', 'I see why. Nice', 'no you dont understand. the problem is not your personality. the problem is you need to look for the right boyfriend! someone who likes your hobbies, jokes, personality, your good and bads-someone who makes you feel comfortable and be yourself.', 'Well dont beat yourself up because of a post. When you actually meet the right type of girl who will see through you, then I promise you she wont see you as a fool but as a cute guy with great potential. And one more thing, relationships arent just sex, youve got to connect emotionally. (that means youll know what youve got to do with the right person next to you)', 'You are welcome. pm me anytime and I hope you start feeling better soon!', 'good! dont forget to smile, you can do it!', 'you still have your dog to play around! what kind of games you like?', 'perhaps you can paraphrase and explain what bothers you in a different post but without a philosophical twist. You can also pm me if you need to. ', 'Okay, Im sorry this made you feel this way but I think the moderators removed the post because selfwatch is for people who want to talk about their personal problems. Not that our discussion didnt help you but it was closer to a philosophical point of view. Perhaps..I dont know, maybe Im wrong..not taking sides here', 'Also, I too have felt the same way. Why should I live, why is it so damn important that my life is continued? Sure there are other people who have lead better lives and are far better off and deserve to live..yeah, why not? But in the end of the day, my life is worth too b/c I did things and darn I deserve to live. I refuse to go back into Depression. I really hope you understand my point or that you give me a reply.', 'Hey, Im sorry you feel this way but dont say youre worthless. The death of your friend is tragic and sad but it doesnt mean that with his death, your ability and potential to become an "awesome game developer or an award-winning author" has left. Im here (and this community) to talk with you, whenever you feel like it.', 'daffydubs is right. do not put off making an appointment with a therapist. Professors are humans too and they know that their students may go through life transitions. have you ever thought of calling a hotline? theyre there 24/7 and even if you think theres no one there for you, they are. Also I wanted to ask you; what do you think its causing you so much stress? Is it your relationship or time management at uni?', 'Thank you. Indeed thank you for this. ', 'I completely agree with the fact that your husband is not supportive at all. Have you ever considered writing, painting or crafting? You mentioned video games so why dont you create your own story, craft and paint the character youve imagined? Of course there are the traditional things too like joining a club, doing gardening, cooking or baking. Have you thought of volunteering? You will meet lots of people and it will actually help you to get out a bit.', 'Correct me if Im wrong but people who call for help, tell strangers they want to die and basically warn others that they are about to commit suicide, arent the ones who desperately need someone to save them? Because Ive heard about others who without warning just kill themselves. My point is that those people who appeal for help are the Tired ones who want to be helped. ', 'Hey, whatever is causing you to feel that way, you can surpass it. Care to share why you feel like that?', 'Hey I spent almost all my childhood in hospitals and my doctors were the only friends I had. The bad thing about it is you cant have people your same age to play and be with you. The good thing however is that you can always spam doctors with questions!!!', 'Its good that you tried to cheer yourself up, hope you enjoyed the movie. I do have something like IBS and I know its a Tired controlling condition and that it requires good diet and less stress. You said you didnt get into the best colleges you had applied to and I want you to know this. I too didnt get into the top college of my choice but I managed to get a scholarship and finish first in the college that I went to in the end. I then tried to apply to a better uni and got accepted. What Im trying to say here is that nothing is impossible - so try to focus on what you can do now and dont feel bad about it. Now about your girlfriend, Im not sure what you did to make her go away, she sounds pretty special but from my experience (because yes Ive fucked up in relationships too) if you try to be honest with that person and speak from your heart and explain why you acted in such a way then you may have a second chance. Do you think you can still go and talk to her?', 'Okay I went and still going through such a situation in my family. Has your mom always been like this or is it something youve just noticed? My mom was always acting a bit crazy (she had to deal with a lot of things that made her Depression and angry) but I didnt realise it until I was about 20. I eventually left home. Do you think you can talk to your mum about your feelings?', 'Have you considered changing the pattern of doing things? For instance you may try to start a new hobby and whenever you have this feeling you can motivate yourself to do better. Do you think this could help you? Sometimes our behaviours and the things we do become repetitive, like a habit and if we manage to break it once, we are more able to stay stronger and fight more. ', 'dont know. I still wait for things to get fixed in my life and honestly I have the same question. In the meantime I play with my neighbours pets and watch cartoons, read books and do gardening to keep my sanity. I just think that we live for the little moments in life, cause nothing is perfect.', 'You need to find something or someone to hold on to. To keep you encouraged at all times, even when you reach your lowest. I know Depression is crappy and it is Tired much like a roller coaster. Do you have anyone to talk to about your feelings? Do you have a dream or something you want to achieve? Such things may help you get over it more easily.', 'Hey, not everyone is supposed to be the social queen/king, its ok if you want to be lonely. But I would advise you to get out and find what you want to do. Have you thought of volunteering? I know the job market is quite unstable now and lots of us are struggling, but dont give up hope. Have you thought of any hobbies? When Im not sure of what I want to do, when I have lost my direction I think of what I wanted to do as a kid. It always brings the best out of me because I knew exactly what would make me happy. What do you think? ', 'no problem. I would advise you to volunteer in any of those professions you mentioned. That experience will either encourage you and motivate you or discourage you. The reason Im suggesting this, is because theres a difference between dreaming about a job and actually doing it. You can also become an apprentice by asking local traders (i.e. carpenters) in your neighbourhood. Google it and Im sure youll find more info. Anyway, the bottom line is that you need to get out of this circle and do things that will iniate a better mood, lifestyle etc. You really need to do this, its a good experience and will definetely help you in many ways. ', 'We are the worst psychologists when it comes to giving advice to our ourselves. When I was Depression I didnt feel like eating much but that is not an excuse to starve ourselves so try to have even just a bit and dont feel bad about money issues (your parents wanted to help you, its their job to support you in every possible way). And you havent failed, because you are here now at a university, studying-that means youve tried hard to get in. But in any way, do you think you can go see your universitys therapist? ', 'Yes you do. Youve just started a degree at university, dont you want to see what you will get through it? also we all go through high levels of stress, you cabt just let this beat you. You are stronger than you may think. Do you have any hobbies? Have you considered getting a plant? Once I was feeling really really sad and I got a plant. I started taking care of it and eventually I started paying attention to myself too. What do you think? Also can you elaborate on that "earful of the stresses going on at home"?', 'well Im no therapist, Im trying to help. Its good however that you feel much better now', 'yes it feels better not to feel alone. Thats why we need to share our stories! You can pm me any time, especially when that bloody chemo is not treating you well, ok? Were all here for you.', 'You are funny. Id advise you not to compare your life to others. We all have something that makes us different from others and you may not do what Jobs was doing but you perfectly showed me here that you are capable of making up a nice story and use your sarcasm as a tool to express how you feel. Some people call it stand up comedy. What Im trying to say is that you need to look into what you already have and not what you have not.', 'Just relax. Dont create scenarios before they actually take place in real life. ', 'I see, well it seems the whole family has been affected by this unprecedented event. Even if we suppose that you were able to cope, the fact that everyone is feeling different now, doesnt help much. It is Tired difficult to deal with people who suffer from this type of conditions and the fact that things have changed so much, is causing you stress. Its okay though. Do you have any other hobbies apart from music? Have you thought about what you want to do in your life? I know you said you cant fund your studies but have you thought of scholarships or funding from institutions? Most colleges offer that. You may also become an apprentice. Im asking this because I want to show you that nothing is over. You can still do lots of great things.	2	Ideation
and if youre new to it, get help before youre too addictrd', 'Ive only really coded one thing, I made a pacman game type thing, I used JavaScript. I havent done much since ', 'Even just earlier today, I got called emo. I dont think everyone hates me, Im just in a bad spot. I dont even know why I cut. Ive lost many friends because; well, Im not sure why, because they think I "need help"?', 'I just got back from the therapist. I told her about it and asked her to not tell my parent. she told me she wouldnt but I had to be honest with her... blah blah blah. its all okay. thanks so much for all your help guys!', 'also if anyone wants to chat, Ill be here for a while. any suggestions on what to say to the office of why I was absent? they saw me this morning, and my aunt works in the office so saying I got here late wont work. ', 'I usually hide them somewhere where I think Ill "remember" them later, like under my chair, in the lockbox with my (airsoft) guns, etc. I just barely remembered that I have one under the foam in an empty handgun case. lol', 'some people will just never understand, and i think its better that way. some people dont deserve to feel these things, and even if they put hate towards us, i wouldnt wish this on the worst of my enimies. just in case you guys were wondering, my friend did text me, he asked me why i did, and also asked if i needed help, I tried to explain to him as best as i could that i am fine now.', 'Hey, we all feel this way; thats why were on this subreddit. We all feel unrecognized, underapreciated, ect. But dont drive yourself into the wall because of it. Talk to someone, make sure its someone that trusted you with their secrets, that way you have something on them. Just start playing some games online, make some good friends there; you may never meet in real life, but the through the power of the internet you can have the best of friends.Im so sorry you feel this way, as Im sure we all know it sucks. Just try different things to get better, just start doing little things that make you happy; playing with dogs, taking a walk, anything to keep you occupied and make you feel like you did something, accomplished something that day, make every day worth it!', 'Wow. Youre actually REALLY cute in my opinion ;) I really love the whole red-hair thing too, it works for you.', 'sometimes I come here for advice, sometimes to take my mind off things. other times I come here to stop myself, and it just makes me want to cut even more.', 'yeah, Im decent with that kind of stuff, its pretty fun, Ive just never had anything other than a laptop. so Im pretty pumped', 'well, I have been pretty bad, and occasionally slip and fall, become Pain again; but lately, ive been doing ok. one day i just looked at what i was doing with my life (which is just about nothing) and decided to change some things, start talking to girls, get some friends, get a haircut, start trying to look attractive, ect. i appreciate your thought to me, i really do. sometimes i come on these subs just to give someone else a little hope, and im glad i could help you.', 'I cant even begin to tell you how many times Ive told myself this, just to get it over with; take the easy way out, its never easy. Your thoughts start to go crazy, your attitude changes, everything drives you insane. Please dont take the easy way. My best friend scince 3rd grade recently took his life, without giving it any thought, he always told me he would one day take his life, I guess if thats what he wanted, there you go Matthew; maybe hes happy where he is. Maybe he wishes he could come back. Just remember, once you leave this world, no matter how young, old, rich, poor, important, or insignificant you are, there is no way to come back. Anything that has taken a wrong turn, you wont be able to fix it, its all permanent.Please dont do it, there are people that want you here; you just have to find them.', 'I dont see why people ever expect others to believe this. dont get me wrong, I appreciate your kindness and willingness to try and help. really, thank you. but you dont know me. Im an insignificantly small part of your life. you could comment this and just move on, which a lot of times, people do. I dont mean to get rude here but really. nobody close cares, why would someone over the Internet that doesnt know you care?', 'it is an addiction. wether its an addiction because you need control, or youre addicted to the hormones or whatever that are released when you cut, its physically addictive. dont feel too bad about it, but please try and get help. ', 'pretty shit to be honest', 'I lost a few friends that way, they were the nicest people, but one day they saw my scars, told everyone, practicly ruinied my life. i moved away from that town, for a good reason (the suicide rates were EXTREMELY high due to bullying) some people can never understand untill they experience something like this themselves.', 'if its just breaking the skin there will be minor ( I mean Tired minor, mostly unnoticeable) discoloration, I have this on my wrist, the cuts bled, but they only broke skin slightly so they healed up pretty well.', 'no, no hobbies besides anything computer related. and theyre too spread out and far apart for band aides. theres probably 5-6 of them about 3 inches long and 1/2 inch apart. so band aides or bandaging in general isnt going to work. and I cant skip the class, Ive done that too much already and am failing ', 'thanks!', 'Dont worry, you arent heartless, you just used to care as little TOO much. This is one thing I say often I myself and others who say Im heartless, it just helps sometimes to feel like you have an easy excuse for what is happening.', 'well, ive been about 3 days clean; its not much but its good to me', 'yes. as in telling my family, parents/ guardians', 'ysah. Ive been learning programming, not much lately, but some. ', 'UPDATE: Coach told me to wear jeans, until I get sweats. no further action taken. ', 'cannabis hasnt been too helpful, not with social and self harm stuff at least... it helps with Stress a lot. but yeah, I dont really know why I do it, I change reasons. or maybe theyre excuses and I am actually addicted to the rush, and if thats the case, so be it. ', 'sorry, allow me to start off with me. I am 14 years old, born in utah, until I was 12. moved to Texas at 12, moved back recently. everythings falling apart, and it sounds stupid (because It is) but the girl I loved wont talk to me. shes moved on. my best friend killed himself. I have nothing to live for. my parents dont care about me. my family in general doesnt care. Im going to a councelor and am supposed to be taking pills but I dont want to be happy because of a pill. Ive been going over ways to kill myself lately. I guess thats why I came here', 'Earlier today a friend of mine saw my scars, he immediatly asked me "Why do you cut yourself?" We were at the lunch table, so I just pretended to not hear as if I was untreated in another conversation. He hasnt spoken to me scince. Its only been 12 hours, but we usually talk regularly.TLDR: friend saw my scars, hasnt talked to me; in this society its better to hide your scars', 'he already knows I for believe In anything really, and everyone else is super religious, they still wear shorts. I cant really get pants but its too late now, Im just going to tell him, as I have no other option that doesnt include everyone in school finding out. thanks for the advice though', 'its already Common cold in my town, Ive been wearing long sleeves to cover up scars. scars dont go away, just remember that. i had this same though process too, but there comes a point where you ask if its really worth it. ', 'thats why im glad subs like these are here, we all get our dose of being able to be with people who know what we all go through, and maybe help each other a little.	3	Behavior
Save them from what?', 'Thats dismaying, but surely youve been in a place where everything has Pain less? And from there, youve been in a place where everything has Pain the least? There most assuredly has been a time like that for you.Im not going to say that youll experience a moment back to that state. You might come back to it. You might even exceed it. But you damn well will get close to it.We live our lives for those moments. I dont believe you when you say youve never been in a place youve liked. What was your first lollipop like? The first time eating your favorite food? Running a mile then stopping and feeling that runners high surging through you? Beaten a difficult level in a game? Had a first kiss? Buying the first object with hard-earned money? Petted an animal? Helped someone and felt better for it? Drank a cool drink on a hot day? Taken a warm shower on a rainy day? Laughed with friends?', 'Slippery slope. Feels good now, but its going to escalate. I used to do the same thing. Felt great; the world felt like the past and I became more alive than I had ever been. Id pull the trigger and it was like cool mist was hovering inside my brain. Id have a renewed sense of urgency to do good things, be a better person, and be responsible again.Then I started loading the gun.', 'Its perfectly understandable to feel angry. Sometimes, we just arent dealt the right cards. I cant imagine what you must go through every day. Have you told anyone about the sexual abuse, and has it stopped? With your family, youre being exposed to addiction at all turns. Hey, best part of that, and yes, there is a good part, is that youll not become like them, because you see how they ended up. Its a handicap, but there are advantages. How old are you?Heres a poem I read when I was around 13, 14. Its been a great boon to me: [Give it a read.](http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/178055)', 'First of all, what youre experiencing will stop. Its just a matter of when.Sit down. Try to manage your breaths. Go as slow as you possibly can go. When youve calmed a bit, tell me why you want to kill yourself? Im willing to bet one of your first thoughts will be, "I dont know."Dont worry, this is normal. Let me tell you a true story: A man wanted to kill himself, so he went to the first place he thought of to do so, the Golden Gate Bridge. While standing there, in the middle, he realized he had to cross the street to jump off. A policeman notices this man, eyeing the passing cars with darting glances and makes a correct assumption that the man is about to do something risky.But the man doesnt cross. He continues to watch the cars passing by, trying to find a gap so he can run across. Eventually, the policeman managed to get to the man before he did something drastic. The man confessed to wanting to jump of the bridge, but what the police officer and the man, as he said later, couldnt understand is if the intent was suicide, why the man was Worried about the cars speeding past him which would have most likely ended his life as well!Youre in the same catatonic state. What you need to do to yourself is find a way to calm yourself down and wait it out. And it will beat against you with all its might, but youre stronger than It. Put some headphones on and listen to your favorite song on full blast. One day you will be six Oedema of extremity under the ground, but not today. You destroyed it before, now destroy it again. Feed yourself with good thoughts. Youve been on this Earth for 10-plus years, you the strongest fucking Homo-sapien hairless ape to walk the ground, to use tools, customized by a genetic code that nobody else has. Whats another five minutes? Whats another ten?Tell it to go to hell, but for fucks sake, it will never plunge you down there with it.', '10 bucks says youre from an Asian family.Im sorry you had to go through this. Glad you got out of the situation, but you really need to keep it that way. Do things that give you rest and reprieve. Its important for yourself to not get Stress out. ', 'This is a tricky situation.On the one hand, you want to give her the best possible outcome with an targeted approach centered at her immediate well-being. On the other, her family, minus your girlfriend, are focused on long-term prospects with worrying about her job and social life.Im inclined to agree with your position. Arguments for your position:* If she has done this before, statistics show shell try again in the future. * She has been duplicitous in the past with attempting therapy. In her state, she needs it, and needs it right now.* Is it really smart being exposed to drinking in the state her liver is in?You have to tip-toe a fine line here. For one, youre not part of the immediate family, and its a precarious time, so your opinion might fall by the wayside. But try anyways. Furthermore, inquire about bringing in a non-judgmental third-party, like a family doctor or a preacher. I have an inkling theyll side with your position.Good luck.', 'Im glad. You know what, I was about to write that, because thats where I felt the happiest in my entire life too.There will be many Disneylands in your future. Think of it as a game of chance. You keep rolling and rolling the dice; youre bound to hit upon a 6. Right now youre at a 1. Its clouding your mind. You keep rolling 1s and 2s. Tell me about your family. What are you feeling right now?', 'Hey man/woman, hang in there. Some of the best comedians came from/are in bitter times, and they come up with great material because of it.For the stage fright, just practice in front of a mirror, then work yourself up performing to one person, then two, and keep it in single increments until it turns into a crowd.Edit: And to be fair, a lot of people who you might think of as in peace with their life, really arent. They just seem that way. Heres a poem by Edwin Arlington Robinson: Whenever Richard Cory went down town, We people on the pavement looked at him: He was a gentleman from sole to crown, Clean favored, and imperially slim. And he was always quietly arrayed, And he was always human when he talked; But still he fluttered pulses when he said, Good-morning, and he glittered when he walked. And he was rich - yes, richer than a king - And admirably schooled in every grace: In fine, we thought that he was everything To make us wish that we were in his place. So on we worked, and waited for the light, And went without the meat, and cursed the bread; And Richard Cory, one calm summer night, Went home and put a bullet through his head.', 'I have a Forever stamp laying here somewhere. I could mail it to you. You could send it back after your first paycheck. I sincerely hope things get better for you Tired, Tired soon. Dont let this become your personal burden, a neuro-chemical catharsis that you solely blame on yourself, by getting the help you require. Getting to the doctor is the hardest part at this stage, but you deserve it even though you dont feel like it. ~$60 to see the doctor and get a script. You need this kickstart buddy.', 'Im going to head to bed soon and someone else will help you out, but take note that someone cruising by noticed this. I dont know anything about you, but I dont want you to die. How would you like me to help? Is there anything I can do?', 'I like that you go out and walk somewhere, just anywhere. Maybe you can get a gym membership? It helps to kill time.', 'Has this happened only this one time? Do you know for sure that she left on account of the depression?If she did leave because of it, do you really want to be with, get married to, have kids with a person who thinks negatively of it?It might have happened to me before. I told her about it and she stopped responding to texts or phone calls. Thats when I realized I wasnt interested in her anymore because she couldnt contact me like an adult to tell me to stop. She, and yourself seem relatively young. Dont worry, it gets better when youre older buddy. ', 'That guilt trip shit is common.Glad youre feeling better. For every low, there is a high, and vice versa.', 'Very clever screenname.Its not too late. Tell them you were Illness and re-schedule.', 'Youre stuck with a conditioned way of thinking; lets cut this chain.Have you ever been in a place youve liked?', 'Yep, that last sentence was the same with me. Getting on with the rest of the day was so easy. I was listening to NPR the other day and apparently the VA is giving free gun locks to veterans. Its sort of a stalling tactic in case you reach for your weapon in a time of depression, but you should seriously look into that. Have a great day.', 'Are you renting or owning? Actually, it doesnt matter. You want to die. Do you realize all the possibilities that opens up for you? You can do everything. Get out of town, move to a new city with the woman who obviously loves you and discover everything anew again. Get that change of scenery, get those new job opportunities. Get an interview in a new city and ask them for a telephone interview, and that youre willing to move there.A lot of marriage vows have "for better or worse". You might not believe in that stuff, but she sure does; and hell, you might not even be married to you. Be good to yourself and accept it, because you deserve it!That fifth paragraph is not you being in a stump; its depression. Dont blame yourself. Ill PayPal you $10 bucks if youd like so you can turn on your heat for your day.', 'There arent girls like you out there, but there are women.Dont let these girls dissuade you away from the idea of Woman or the many women you will meet throughout your life. These ladies just havent matured yet, although not to say theyll ever mature; theyll still be types like them out there wholl meet people like themselves. Youre a hopeless romantic, and when you meet one like yourself, itll be beautiful and when you two embrace in a public display of affection itll make everyones heart in the vicinity of the area leap at the prospect of unconditional, true love.Although not to say youll only have one love in your life, Casanova. Keep being poetic.	3	Behavior
Ive been working my mind thinking of something to say and I keep drawing a blank, and its because I dont know anything about you.So I want to know more about you, so before you do what you think is right ( and I aint going to give you advice or shit like that and try and dissuade you) you got to let me learn a bit about, I wanna know a guy before hes gone.', 'Itd be a shame if it was a small bureaucratic formality that killed you, Im hoping for me its either shark attack or death by bees."If Im not living anyway, its not like anything will die when I commit suicide, right?" Guess it depends on your concept of living.Theres something you cant say, or dont want to. I wish I could know more, I hope you find a concept to live for', '> itd be the equivalent of a butterfly that alights from a flower, ruffling the Flatulence/wind that annoys the undercover sniper that accidentally pulls the trigger on meThats cool, Im going to steal that.I can see why people say youre smart.I really wish you hadnt experienced the things that kept causing you to be disappointed over and over, it sounds like a heavy load and that sucks.Nothing wrong with a little failure, Im well versed in failure, I like to consider myself a master of failure. Its good that you believe in things, even if it does end in heartbreak. I hope you get over this, you have a long time to commit suicide and you dont need to rush it, Im contemplating suicide by old age.', 'Dont thank me, its important I meet interesting people.Your biggest fear?Your favourite book and film?A controversial opinion you have?Can you remember when you were most scared?If you were told you had 24 hours to live what would you do?I know these questions seem a little odd but Id really appreciate you answering them, whenever you get time.', 'It sounds like you have a lovely friendship with Nicola.Stop calling yourself useless, youre not. Youre not a spare cog, youre important. So you havent got a job, kudos on you quitting a job that made you unhappy and unwell. I think that took courage.Please talk to Nicola and tell her how youre feeling, and how shes helped you and been an important part of your life.	0	Supportive
That sure sounds simple in concept. Thanks for sharing that with me, though--its a big help and it makes complete sense, but Id genuinely never thought of it that way, or at least not consciously. On an unrelated note, I just glanced at the first page of your post history and saw... Nethack. High five. Youre officially awesome. ("I still have to ascend a character in Nethack" seems like as good a reason as any to keep waking up every day.)', 'Mines a Valk named Jalyssa. Ive gotten smooth at hitting the mid-game with Valks, but I do something boneheaded right around Medusa every time. ...* grin * I cant thank you enough--you made me smile for the first time in a couple of days.', 'I hope it gets better, too. This is helping get me off the ledge, anyway. ', 'Thanks for... listening. And for the hug. I needed that, pretty badly. Ive been trying to reach my client all day with no success. Shes not a flake; its not a problem. Under any other circumstances itd be no big deal at all, its just part of working freelance. Its just such an immediate crisis situation I really dont know what to do. And theres so much more going on... I dont even know where to begin repairing anything anymore. I feel so hopeless and lost and Ive felt so alone in the world for so long... its nice to be listened to and comforted and advised, even by a stranger on the Internet. Thank you.', 'The shelters in town have a 2 Asthenia waiting list--Ill be financially solvent again by then anyway. Not something I didnt consider, though. Thanks for the advice and the luck--and the reassurance. That helps a lot. Ive taken a kind of intolerable amount of crap over the last few years, and I really need some time to get my head together again.', 'I thought about /r/assistance, but... I dont know. I think Im feeling too bad about myself to ask for (material) help, if that makes any sense? I dont... dunno, cant figure that part out right now. My family of origin was similar, and Ive walked away from mine, too. Its kind of horrible that Im drawn to people with similar qualities so often--have you run into that? I keep thinking Ive worked that out, but I keep finding myself in the same position--the thought process is usually something like, "Well, I cant believe I fell for THAT shit again." Sigh.', 'Ive been doing the same for the past few years, yeah. Its encouraging that youve managed to find a way to break through that--I keep thinking Im choosing better people, but Im still making a lot of mistakes and my Good Person Radar is horked.	2	Ideation
possibly!sorry about the empty post. its sort of a hard subject to just jump into.basically, ive been constantly Delusional disorder at my uni for the past couple of months, and it has been extremely detrimental to my mental health. its especially bad when doing anything online when i most feel like im being spied on, making it extremely difficult to reach out for help in any way. i had to stop talking with one of my good friends online because the Delusional disorder was so bad.the whole situation makes me want to dissapear because of how much it makes me feel isolated with no chance that things will get better.	2	Ideation
I have at this moment learned that my minorly schizophrenic friend and former girlfriend(whom I still have a huge crush on) is contemplating suicide if you think that your family or friends thinking about how you need to repeat a semester is worse than the Emotional upset trauma theyd get from finding you in a closet with a tope around your neck than I believe you need to get think again imagine it ten years from now if you dont commit suicide a woman in an abusive marriage or a man who had suffered from a near fatal Infection caused by mal practice then imagine you being her divorce attorney or the lawer who sewed the hospital and not only got enough money to pay for the mans treatment but took this case so far as to have the congress pass a new law preventing this from ever happening again imagine the looks on their faces; the woman smiling and Crying with joy from beneath a bruised face; the man grinning as he wakes from a successful treatment think about them whenever you think that youre ready to die and ask yourself what would the world do without you	1	Indicator
Im one of the others that has been checking /user/NeMoD for just this reason.', 'This post must have been prompted by something negative. That makes me sad.This subreddit is awesome, and the moderators are awesome. Keep up the good work.', 'I forgive myself for my failed marriage.You should forgive yourself for all failings which you learn from.', 'My father died when I was fifteen. It was off the coast of Florida, we were SCUBA diving. I did not watch the CPR attempt, but I can vividly remember the sounds: 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and 5 and 6 and 7 and 8 and 9 and 10... over and over again for 20 minutes. I remember thinking of my own CPR training, and the chart that shows survival rates for CPR without a defib... I knew how slim the chances were.My father smoked all his life, but quit 6 months prior to this trip so that could go SCUBA diving with me. I never told him how much that meant to me.', 'http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkZyI1gAmLY', 'Im sure that youve been tested for this, but if not make sure you get a test for hypothyroidism. Its grossly underdiagnosed, and can cause all sorts of Emotional upset issues.When Im off my thyroid meds I am more easily frustrated and have a much lower self worth. I also have a hard time thinking clearly.', 'cry', 'Dont worry about dragging people down, thats not a problem. People that post here do so because helping people makes them happy.Out of curiosity: Do you have any of your art online?', 'Because he was a smoker most of his life, and he quit smoking so that he could get SCUBA certified and go on a trip to the Keys with me. He died 12 miles off the coast of FL.He was a good father, and a good man. His funeral was standing room only in a large building. He influenced more people in his life than I have known in mine. He was my role model and my idol.I am truly lucky to have had such a good father, and the only regret in life is that I only later realized this.', 'Keep up on the music, man, good work.While technically true, there are plenty of people here that would be willing to listen to anyones story. Its therapeutic (man Firefox had a heyday with my spelling of that word) for all involved, I think.', '"This is not your fault."', '(I wrote this comment as a reply to another comment, but when I was ready to post it, reddit said the comment was deleted... so Im just posting it here for your beneift)Im 27 now and I agree with this assessment. At some point someone close to me told me that my high school/college years would be the best of my life. For me this was extremely depressing as I didnt have a great time in high school or college and was Worried that things wouldnt ever get better.Ive been out of college for 4 years now. Ive had some bad times, but it seems each year gets progressively better. Ive realized that the best years of my life are ahead of me, and I can now focus on actively working toward a better future.', 'I would have told my father I loved him before our last SCUBA dive together.', 'Almost every day I go to work with great people. People I enjoy working with, and enjoy hanging out with at lunch and after work. I am extremely lucky to have such a good job.Almost every day I play board games, or poker, or just hang out with good friends. Friends I trust and care for. I am extremely lucky to have so many good friends.Every single night for 3 years now, when work is done and everyone has gone home, I sleep in my empty bed and feel lonely. Just as Im about to do right now.', 'Today', 'Ask her questions about herself, and listen. Ask follow up questions.Be yourself.', 'Do you know what song that is?', 'My mother attempted suicide this year. Even coming this close has affected me in ways I cant easily describe.', 'Your abuse is not your fault, and your birth is not a mistake.', 'My father once told me "Son, dont waste your high school years, they will be the best years of your life." I used to worry about this so much because high school wasnt so grand for me. I wasnt one of the in-crowd, and while everyone else was going out doing it like rabbits (or at least, thats what I imagined was happening) I was at home lonely and bored.It wasnt until I went to college, got married, and then got divorced before I realized how wrong my father was. He was a great man, but Ive had to teach myself to take his advice with a grain of salt, even though I tend to idolize him since he died before I had a chance to lose any respect for him (as it seems most people do as they grow older).Life is what you make of it, and if you want it to get better, it will.	1	Indicator
If you are having concerns, you absolutely consult a professional. ', 'Try to remember that most of lifes best moments havent happened yet. ', 'Just be understanding and supportive when he needs you to be. The rest of the time just be his sister. ', 'I dont think anyone can say conclusively if this "normal behavior". Although I would say it Tired possible that she can be in denial and afraid to come to grips with your diagnosis. If you feel you need the meds then you would be wise to let that be know to your doctor or therapist so they can back you up. ', 'Ive know many people afflicted by this disorder and for many medication is the only way to have a "normal" life. Ask your doctor to play with the dosage of your meds to keep the side effects as minimal as possible. ', 'Why are you messing with this guy? No one is hitting on anyone. ', 'Dont be overly concerned with a diagnosis from an ER doctor. They are not in a good position to give an accurate diagnosis. If you have a doctor you have been seeing and that knows you decently well, I would consider their word of much more value. ', 'Go see a professional ', 'Therapist here.. Studies have stated that the most common Hallucinations are tactile, followed by auditory and visual. ', 'Not even going to read that all. Looking for a diagnosis online is not appropriate. Go see a professional ', 'Go see a professional', 'If she is saying that she is Worried and doesnt know of she can control herself, you need to call an ambulance. ', 'Its not extremely common but also not unheard off. People will often report not remembering episodes, often disassociating for a short period. Sort of like blacking out. ', 'Keep your head up man. It will get better if you try. I know this.', 'Or just take your meds. ', 'Some clinicians believe that "real" schizophrenia does not have the Emotional upset component. I have meet people who have said they generally dont feel anyway but normal or how they regularly feel. No Feeling angry or Feeling unhappy or changes in mood. I would say that for those that do feel a strong Emotional upset component, they may be better diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. ', 'Yup', 'Go to the ER, show the Dr your old medicine and explain how you cant currently get any but are struggling without it. You shouldnt be hospitalized if you tell them you are not currently a threat to yourself but are concerned you may be if not helped soon. Hopefully the Dr will be kind enough to understand and write you a scrip for a while. In that time you need to find yourself a local clinic or psych in private practice to get you back on your regiment. ', 'Not a naive question at all. But the only real answers will come soon enough. Youll see how the meds affect you, if you are unhappy with the results then you speak with the Dr about trying something else. ', 'Do you hear the numbers being said aloud by a voice? ', 'If it means anything it sounds like you did the right thing. ', 'If you tell them you are not currently experiencing SI/HI or command Hallucinations they should not be able to hold you. ', 'You can do it. Give yourself time to figure this out. Get the treatment you need and life can and will be just what you wanted it to be. It may be 12 days or more. But it will get better. ', 'If she has made Suicidal threats you should contact EMS as soon as possible. Do not allow her to be alone until she is being cared for by professionals.', 'Hey man. Listen things will be ok, you need to get yourself some help. See a psych or therapist. Get your mood back up and then you will see there is hope. Once your feeling a bit better youre gonna take sometime and learn the things you need to know to find a partner and the other things you want for your future. ', 'Your Weakness of hand are tied my friend. Youre best bet is to talk to her and get her to voluntarily seek help. Doesnt have to be a hospital. Otherwise she is an adult and cant be forced until something happens that would force legal issues to force her. Which Im sure no one wants. Talk to her. Use taking care of her kids as a point to try and catch her rational side. ', 'I would be one to agree with you. Truth is that all symptoms vary from person to person and degree. Diagnostic criteria is really a way to try and create a spectrum to try and measure what can only be reported by the client. ', 'You shouldnt feel like you "did" anything to him. What you did is get him the help he needs. I am not schizophrenic, I am actually a licensed therapist and from a clinical perspective you absolutely did what was needed. It sounds like he was havin a pretty severe manic episode. Asking him to voluntarily stay for 2 more days was also a fantastic idea. I know this is all Tired "easier said than done" but Ive had to call EMS on people I love and clients alike I can say you can rest easier now knowing he is safe and will be helped. ', 'Downvote that. But believe me what seems hopeless now will not always be there. And shame on whoever downvoted my comment. ', 'It say anything back?', 'Smart ass? Pretentious? Shit man. I hear Tired often that people need to hear these things again. Be reminded. Often when feeling suicidal, we tend to forget even the most cliche of things. So everything you said sucks. ', 'I need to tell you I say this all the time. I jokingly say that even without one on, some many people assume that what youre doing anyway.	0	Supportive
Youre not being a bitch, and you dont have to "charm" anyone; youre Depression and you may just want someone to listen to you. Theres nothing you have to apologize for. Ill listen, if you feel like talking.', 'That "walking on eggshells" reaction is the worst- to me it always feels less like real concern and more like pity (even though they mean well). You do have to fight demons primarily on your own, and I know you feel more and more hopeless, but you still do have some left, it seems.', 'I hate to make it into a "me me" story, but I can understand where youre coming from. It sucks to be twenty and already feel like youve wasted so much time being a pointless burden on everyone elses life, like everyone else is moving a hundred miles an hour with their lives and Im stuck on a bike with a broken wheel or something. But I will say, youre in school, you have a job, and even a girlfriend- maybe you really arent a total failure? No, nope, not a bit.And a bit of a sidenote: its a sad fucking world where you as a trans* person almost have to expect such gross messages. It must suck. No one here will even think of saying that. Youre a person and you deserve freaking gratitude and common courtesy. And you deserve to live.	0	Supportive
I dont deserve to feel better. I am a failure of a person and I deserve to die. My life is ruined and theres nothing left for me now. The things around me, cant be happening, I dont recognize the things around me or myself as real. Everything feels fake and nothing feels true. I dont want to have feelings anymore.', 'Thats ok, done that before myself.. try figuring out how to enter safe mode on your laptop. There should be an option for safe mode when you start the laptop, only lasts a few seconds, but tells you a button to press. Its usually F7. If you cant see it or figure it out, look for the laptop model (should be on the front or bottom of the laptop, ie. HP Pavillion MP) and google or ring up the customer services of the company that made it. They can walk you through it. After that, just choose normal safe mode. you should be able to login with a limited account, go to the control panel and create a new user without a password, then run it as normal. Make sure the new account is administrator mode and tell me what windows you have, and I can find out how to get your old account back.My computer repair course starts next Asthenia.. its a City & guilds course and I dont know how long it lasts. If I find work, it may mean giving it up and then what? Endless slogging away behind a till or washing dishes just because I dont have any money or anybody who even wants me around thats what. Maybe part time or evening courses but then I would have to pay lots of money. Theres always a barrier to everything because Im not rich and i am Illness of it.', 'thanks everyone for your replies its made me feel better', 'Thanks for talking to me. I dont know why but the way you describe it makes me feel a lot better. Its easy to think that youve just gone mad sometimes. I dont meditate but sometimes I listen to samples of rain, I will post a link. Im really Stress out that my thoughts are wrong and my feelings are wrong too. Its so hard to go to a job and work when all of that is in your head. Things were really hard last year it was a bad year when I had worked so hard for it to be a good year for once and it fell apart badly. I even asked the psychiatrists for ECT and they said no way, so I thought OK but that is how crazy I feel. They just keep sending me back home and I cant cope', 'Yes the art thing is more of a hobby so to speak. It requires a little coaching and a lot of initiative on my part to make it work but when things are about something you enjoy then its easier to set goals and pursue them. Sometimes it can get Tired technical with the programs we use. I dont think its good to direct people too much but sometimes a little help with the general practise or whatever can help a really long way. Its sometimes all I do some days but it can be unhealthy as it makes me spend all my time aloneI agree with you with CBT. Somehow its got to a stage where everyone kind of recommends it Fair enough it might work for some people. I feel too grown up to have someone talk down to me and teach me about feelings when they havent been there themselves. And its not easy to simply choose feelings away when something really bad has happened. Throwing my possessions away was a major thing for me to do, it didnt change an awful lot, but I proved to myself that I can make major changes and decisions if I really want to or need to. Youve got to be selfish and brutal with yourself but it can be for the better, the same as losing people who are harmful to you and sending you down the wrong road', 'Sorry you cant get your computer working. Hope you can find somewhere to fix it for you, if all else fails, look for a local PC repair shop in the yellow pages and tell them that youve locked yourself out. Theres many ways to get yourself back in and PC World will only overcharge you (they dont care if they do a bad job as they already have a brand reputation)Yes Ive been doing better these days thanks. My course has been fantastic, I spend my time pulling computers apart and putting them back together and its loads of fun. Today I even set up a simple local network between a few computers. It is Tired basic for a professional but big steps for me and it is great to get out of the house to do something I love. The rest of the Asthenia has been good, some downs but mostly ups. Its rare to have weeks like these when things go good. And it makes me feel strange when I look at my previous comments, like how could I feel so bad? and that I am slowly crawling out of a black hole. It feels so much better that I am doing what is fulfilling instead of trying to live up to what other people should think of me.In a way it is scary to understand that I am allowed to have boundaries and that I am allowed to defend myself and not be vulnerable. No one can talk me into this and convince me, anyone can help but like with many people it is simply a task for themselves to figure out. If theres any sensible statement to make of that, it is that my feelings tell me it is not okay to feel good, and that feelings must be hard, and they have to be intense. I have also been having strange Nightmares and I really want to talk about it. My recurring Nightmares are Tired real as if I have stuffed a whole handful of difficult feelings into some part of my brain and when I sleep they act themselves out. I am always back at my old house, with my family, over 10 years ago, in the kitchen, in the garden, in my old room. And I walk on the fields and walk towards the villages and towns in my head. There are some variations but there are some things that always stick. I know that Im in denial, like the truth is just there, I cant bury it completely. They are so real, it is as if I have halved myself, but time cant move on. Again it is a privilege to talk to someone and thank you so much. Youve been really helpful and no matter what you have been inspiring to me.', 'I felt really cheated from last year, my landlord kicked me out, I lost my job and my university course turned out to be hopeless. Almost the exact same thing happened the year before AND the year before, and it was literally not my fault, I have to live in the cheapest places and work the lowest paid jobs and if they want to cut costs or anything thats the way it goes. I dont have a family to talk to either and I put so much work in trying to keep them together but it fell apart too. I lost my old job too and all my friends and then I was in a hostel for a year. Its easy to think you have gone mad when these things happen to you so I went to the doctor and asked to have my head examined and to get treatment because something must be wrong with my brain. Because somehow this is my fault no normal person would make all these bad choices and there must be something wrong with me. I dont put in effort in my life like I used to because it never gets me anywhere I just look silly. Anyway sometimes I use this http://rain.simplynoise.com/ it can be relaxing sometimes.', 'Im not sure if I even want help. I want to make things better for myself. And I cant do it. I dont have a reason to live or to try. I cant keep believing in fairy tales. ', 'Thank you, I am seeing the doctor again this Asthenia, I saw him last Asthenia and he Fatigue my antidepressant medication. It is so hard though I do not feel sane, I feel like I am really going mad, I cant relax or slow down or Chill out AT ALL. I am also talking to a counselor but he does CBT and this isnt something that has helped at all. Nothing seems to work. My mind just seems to be crashing into itself and there is nothing I can do, Im so angry too, how did I become so unhinged? Why cant I just feel safe? Last year I was going to kill myself and it was the worst time ever, I was going to kill myself this year by hanging myself but I cant find the strength to do it', 'Yes, a short session wont clear up everything, but Ive already missed a lot of appointments because I cant leave my house. The counselor is going out on a wing because of me (and this isnt the first time) so I have to be really careful this time. Otherwise I wont see him but god knows what he can do with me I am not sure. When I talk about unreality he changes the subject and it is so hard to deal with feeling unreal on your own all the time. I dont want to talk about positive attitudes, staying strong or anything, feeling unreal is something that has happened to me outside of my control. I remember walking down my street as a young teenager and trying to fight it mentally, aggressively and it exploded in my early adulthood. This was so unfair because I tried so hard to stop it from happening and surrounded myself with positive things and people but the unreality kept going, ate up everything. So if I go to the counselor he will talk about methods to help. But I cant be helped, I dont want CBT, Ive already read so many self-help books that tell me its all my fault and my responsibility and Ive tried so hard for so long and got no payback. It is like I am drowning. Whether or not I want to totally admit it, I am drowning in my bad choices. This is all my fault. Somewhere behind me is another me, the one that made this all happen. All I can think of is despite everything I am CHOOSING this. Everything thats happened is completely my fault. Its satisfying to wrap your life in guilt. I want to feel as I used to feel, somewhere a long time ago, before becoming devoured by self pity. Nobody goes this route without choosing it. And Im the only one taking it. If it wasnt chosen how did I end up here? I want my feelings to not matter, I want to trade them away, but I cant and it makes me so sad. I just want to feel the sun again, to feel if I really mattered to anyone.I want to fight someone and I will fight the college that I have just attended. All the students I represented gave nothing in return, I tried to help them, tried to help everyone. ended up getting laughed at. I hate myself. Such a bad choice, I am not a human being. I have to meet a senior member of staff and talk him down. Sometimes I wonder why? was I allowed to become an adult when I should have just been allowed to die at a young age. I do not deserve to be alive', 'The counselor is only half an hour away and on friday I am going to try and be there early. Each time before Ive got lost and given up or not even made it outside the house. This time Im going to prepare myself and make it there in time although I dont know what he can do to help exactly. A lot of the talk about counseling and psychiatrists makes me sad, Ive been in and out of talking treatments for years and they dont help, connecting with another person is so hard because I always block out my feelings and have given up on feeling like I matter or that my feelings matter. It never feels OK to feel hurt. Everyone just shrugs off the unreal feeling as something that will go away one day when I talk about it but over the years it has only got worse and I cant tell if my thoughts are real or if my life is really happening. What my genuine self is has disappeared. Cant look at myself in the mirror or anything with my name on and feel that it belongs to me because its repulsive, makes me feel disgusted.When I came to the place I live now, I never expected things would have turned out so bad and poorly. All I wanted was a job and a safe place to live, and to just be left alone, Id already given up on having a normal life but didnt expect to still be falling apart every day. How could everyone leave just like that was bad enough, but the realisation I cant make it at all is much worse. I sacrificed so much of myself to beat Depression and it swallowed everything that was ever thrown at it, so I just decided to be fake and forget that I was a human permanently. I just want everything to go away. I dont want a diagnosis from the doctor or to speak to more psychiatrists because most of me hates the idea that anyone could care or understand anyway.Even if it wasnt for the Depression, I have lost everything, how can life be worth living now? Just to spend 18 hours in bed every day? Im lucky to have 2 amazing housemates and a group of online friends and Im lucky to talk to you. But is it really worth it when my family and my friends all disowned me and I dont have any chance of getting well enough to stay in work?', 'Thank you, Ive been going to the doctor a lot recently, last Asthenia he Fatigue my antidepressant medication and we talked about going back to see the psychiatrist The problem is that they dont do anything and just send me back anyway unless I get sectioned and I dont want that to happen again. I cant relax or slow down the only thing that I like is drinking heavily and that is really bad for me, and even though Ive cut down it messes up the medication. Theres lots of help and support but it doesnt matter because I feel like Ive lost my mind, Ive gone crazy even though everyone else says Im fine, I was going to kill myself last year and I was planning to kill myself two months ago by hanging myself in the basement but I didnt have the strength', 'I have lost my sense of self.That makes me a narcissist, doesnt it?I am a narcissist.', 'I wanted to go into IT and fix computers for a living or do something with computer security I didnt finish the course my interests are guitar, horror movies, computers, music, alcoholMy doctor Fatigue my medication today', 'thanks, I didnt know much about the open university.... i will have a look today. Saw the doctor yesterday too, its been a Asthenia since the doctor upped my dosage and Im feeling Tired nervous, my Weakness of hand are Tired shaky, he said that was normal and should go away soon. Been on ssp before, they dont tend to be Tired reasonable and will probably not pay more than \xc2\xa340 pounds a Asthenia. Its easier to fake a weekly jobsearch when you sign on. But its not like Im not looking for work, I even got an interview yesterday. The doctor also referred me to a counselor but I cant deal with things enough to make the appointments.. I have to try againIts so hard to go outside. As soon as I start walking down the street I start feeling nauseous. Its something that doesnt get better if you just bare with it. Going shopping can be the worst, big bright lights everywhere, long queues and loud noises. Most days than not I cant make it out longer than 5 minutes. It didnt use to be like this, it used to be a lot easier, but now its overwhelming, maybe when the medication starts working a little better it will be easier.I really appreciate talking to you theres nothing rambling about what youre saying.... it would be easy if I could just hold down a job but right now my state is so bad and I feel like a vegetable, hardly eating or exercising, just sleeping. Used to have recurring Nightmares about my family but theyre going away now, maybe the medication has started working.. its the only thing I can hope for. I like to beat myself up about how I cant do things for myself or take care of myself, like there should be no reason to be incapacitated, my parents would always say You have two working Arms and legs. Since I ran away the only times they have called me is to demand money.. they think the world owes them everything and I have Nightmares all the time about growing up. Its horrible when I hear my thoughts in the voice of my mother and sometimes they drag me down. Used to talk to the samaritans a lot when things were really bad a couple of months ago', 'Its tough to be nice to myself, I find it hard to find a reason to do so, treating myself with respect can be Tired challenging. I contribute so little to the world and feel guilty. All my relationships have broken down and it has been one bad year to the next. Its hard to find things to value or value myself. At the moment I have given up with my life and dont want to go on with it or face reality any more. All I do is sleep and I hardly ever leave the house. I hate how I should anything of value because it always means someone can come along and ruin it.I studied creative IT and wanted to be a web designer. but the course was really badly run and the lecturer was horrible, it was so bad that I want to get my course fees back, I havent even received my results. This was one of the only things I wanted in my life, to have a degree and it turned out to be a waste of time and money. I am so angry at them for ruining that. It was just so wrong for them to do that. Im making a formal complaint against them but I might even take them to court and sue them Im getting advice about it. They are bastards and they ruined everything for me. I dont see how things can turn out good now. There just dont seem to be any options. I need to get a job but I cant even go outside most days. Every time I go outside its like the whole world is spinning and everythings against me. Theres so little to hold on to and I feel like one of these days Im just going to get drunk and jump off a bridge or go for the hanging idea', 'Thank you so much. Its hard to see a reason to live or a point to go on. Im Tired of being a looser. After all the work I put into my future it all fell apart and it has been so lonely. My future is empty and Im so Worried it will be like this forever now. What place do I have in the world, do I get a chance to have one at all? How did things turn out this way. Why do I hide in my room every day and stay away from people. I might as well be dead. Going to a park can be Tired stressful sometimes, I would try to read a book or to enjoy the sun, but things would feel wrong, its like theres a machine in my head that goes crazy when I stay outside too much. Sometimes its nice though. Used to go jogging a lot until the phobia became too bad. I tend to go shopping quite late, while its quiet, or sometimes go for long walks, its the only thing I can do to stop feeling so isolated.You are right about my family problems, something happened when I was talking to the doctor once he took my blood Pressure as a routine thing, he talked to me about my family to try and calm me down, instead it went extremely high and he apologised. I didnt feel angry, but probably because it was just being bottled up. In a way this how Ive been living, in a world of denial and blocking out feelings by any means necessary, so I cant feel those feelings again. I even hate it sometimes when people try to make me feel better, I dont deserve to, I dont even want to feel good if it means I dont have to feel so bad again.', 'Ive been telling myself since a child how lucky I should feel for the things I have. But Im not capable of making a contribution of society. I just get to sit here. I tried volunteering for years. I spent whole months volunteering until I realized, I was just volunteering myself away. It looks like the only good Im useful for is washing dishes and serving people their big macs. That doesnt make me feel lucky. I dont feel lucky at all. ', 'Yes I used to volunteer an awful lot, I left when it stopped helping. I was so messed up anyway at that point in my life, just trying to hold onto whatever opportunity came up, and soon it felt obvious to me that volunteering was not what I wanted or needed. It didnt get me noticed or improve my situation at any point and looking back it was just something to with the only people who could be bothered with me and even then after that they crossed me off the books and I was alone again. Theres something that I am involved in, which you could call volunteering, I dont want to say much about it, but its to do with a creative art project, I do it online with other people and help them with things. It gives them a creative outlet and something to do and they really appreciate it. Its also a lot of fun to help others too especially when theyre new to it. So thats what I concentrate on sometimes, it gives me some focus and helps me enjoy life a little more, in a way its one of the only things worth living for at the moment. The jobcenter are sending me to a work based learning course next Asthenia too as part of the jsa agreement but its something Im interested in and looking forward too.The counselling went pretty badly, I only lasted 10 or 15 minutes! The counselor was trying to explain CBT to me (like my old counselor) and using CBT techniques, when I tried explaining feelings of unreality and feeling unreal, he said it was a thought not a feeling, and that really sparked off something in me for some reason. It has been tough because Ive always been exploited in my life by the people I trusted but when he said that I started losing my grip and had to leave. Feeling unreal is something I have struggled with and he wasnt listening to me, he was debating me and it felt horrible.I see what you mean about guilt and even just imagining living without guilt is hard but it is worth trying to fight it to find a better life somewhere. Ive tried stripping down my life before, throwing away most of my possessions, shredding all my old documents, but I cant seem to find an end point to where my mind is satisfied. Theres never been a rock bottom just things getting worse and worse. That causes a lot of Anxiety and makes the guilt even harder to deal with, its a deadly combination of emotions', 'Its nice to talk to you btw I felt a little more normal when you talked about your own experience of Depression and that made things a little easier somehow', 'I dont know. Ive never been so withdrawn before. I am not eating, not exercising properly at all, not facing responsibilities. Things are piling up and slowly spiralling out of control. It would only take a little effort but I cant face anything. On Friday I am seeing a counselor. But thats all I can find, a 30 minute slot. I cant keep living alone and ringing the samaritans and surviving on benefits. A part of me just wants to give up and go home but theres no home to go back to. Everythings spinning around and it hurts too much. I could keep on blocking things out but honestly how much longer is that going to work? Its the only way Ive learned to deal with things and its becoming so destructive.Nobody is going to understand how the last several years have been, i havent had any friends or been able to take care of myself so I was always getting Illness and losing jobs. Nobody wants to deal with me in the world because I am a third class person in a first class world and I dont belong here. It is horrible to go out for a walk and feel Dizziness and naseous because everythings blurring and spinning in my head. All I can think is that this can not possibly be happening. Somewhere out there was the way that things were supposed to have happened and this isnt right, this is not what is real. the whole situation is suffocating.I can still get a job but theres no strength or stability in my life and I feel like my soul has gone How would the things in my life have happened to me if I wasnt a bad person.How can I justify it to myself?', 'i dont understand how or why youre trying to help but helping is something you seem to like doing and I am Tired grateful. You seem to be a special human being and I appreciate talking to you.Finding work is not hard. All you have to do is apply to 000s of places, concentrate hard and have a clear idea about the work involved so that you can explain it to the agent, interviewer, or manager. It takes up to a few weeks to have a job imo and Ive proved it to myself, when Ive really needed a job, my sense has kicked in, and you get a job. Sometimes even the challenge of something new, even if it was Burger king being in charge of the frying, that was ok. But something kicked in and Im acting destructive, acting out, refusing to work to thwart myself. Im not stupid Ive already had a lot of potential leads and done everything in my power to make sure I remain unemployed.I CANT keep acting out like this forever. Or mayb, but what am I trying to say? Its not like I know what Im doing. If Im honest, I am screwing myself over because of feelings of shame and the habit to withdraw. Ive lived on subsistence so long, it is hard to break away. I tend to imagine if a more aggressive person suddenly came into my body, wouldnt they take everything and exploit the things around them? Im a male and full of testosterone, but I want to wash it away, I dont want myself, it is comforting to think I am inherently bad. Funny how I used to make fun of my religious education teacher about sin under the premise it was a skewed belief and simply the product of guilt. But guilt is powerful and addictive and I DONT believe the feelings we live with are feelings we grow up with or an adult choice but feelings we get used to in between and forget.', 'are you alright, Is your computer still giving you hassle?', 'I kept getting thrown out of places I lived in because my landlords didnt like me. I paid my rent on time and was a good tenant but they would throw me out anyway. My job let me down, then another job let me down. Then my university let me down and I just dont know what to say or think anymore. Ive tried so hard and worked so hard and it was all for nothing. Now all I do is sleep. Theres nothing left for me here. Im not allowed to want anything	3	Behavior
Thanks for your help. Yeah I believe he is willing to go by himself but I would still like to go if nothing else just to support and be there for him. Hes a real popular guy, one of the big dicks on campus politically wise, and yet hes only this open to me. I dont even think that Im his best friend so since hes only open to me I think thats reason enough for me to be there, ill probably make it more comfortable for him.Basically the only part Im stuck on is whether or not I tell the docs he ACTUALLY TRIED to kill himself, instead of simply cutting. Much love, thanks for the genuine reply.	1	Indicator
http://i.imgur.com/6A7j9EC.jpg Me :)', 'Yes, I am safe from others harm.', 'Okay thats fine.Its a lot of things. I have bipolar and the past Asthenia and a half I was manic. Now Ive crashed and am Depression. Just standing up takes so much out of me. Sometimes I dont even have a reason to be Depression. My bf is supportive and cares a lot but I feel like eventually its going to get to him and he will break or leave me. I feel like he doesnt put me first (aside from his son, his son is first but I meant other than his son). I am feeling so alone right now and I feel like the best option is suicide. I realize its not the only option but its the one I see that will be best. I will never get rid of my bipolar and Ill always feel so damn awful inside and will be alone forever because of the way I am despite taking medication. I hate myself and I have Anxiety that prevents me from going in public a lot. When Im manic I see shit and and crazy.I have panic attacks often and I feel discouraged. I just want to feel respected and most of all. Happy. I fantasize about putting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger. A part of me feels like I wont even do it because Im scared Theres a hell and that Ill burn forever especially because I just had an abortion. Im fucking damned. Im a pussy because I cant even gain the strength to kill myself. But lately I feel like Im caring less about the consequences and fears. I just want to be gone forever. ', 'Hell yeah I would. It has ruined so many relationships and has caused me horrible suffering. ', 'Sent you my number', 'Thank you :)', 'I feel it. Ive taken Lamictal, Anxiety meds and supplements, worked out, ate healthy, and it still seems like nothing works. It feels useless at times. ', 'I have been through a lot in my life. I was raped by my two half brothers at a young age, dated a 28 year old when I was 13 who just used me, parents divorced, started cutting early, dated a guy who I lived with for 2 years who beat me/controlled me and my life(wasnt even able to talk to my brother)/sexually abused me once, and my dad was abusive over religion. I just want a break. I want the Pain and Pain to end. ', 'I cant change the fact that I have bipolar. I have tried to accept it and try to love myself but its hard because I cant help but feel Depression even if I dont have a reason to be. I love my bfs son Tired much. Im just Worried that my bf is going to Pain me. Hes shown he loves and cares about me but then he does certain things that causes me to feel like he doesnt.	2	Ideation
My brother committed suicide three years ago. His 29th birthday would have been tomorrow. Look, someone who is serious about committing suicide is going to find a way to do it no matter what. He is going to resent you, be mad at you, maybe even hate you, but none of that will matter as soon as someone runs screaming that he killed himself. You dont want to go through what I did. I will never be able to think about my brother without crying. I cant even say out loud that my brother is dead, there is nothing I can do about it and that he is gone forever. You need to tell your parents and get him help. I dont care if he is mad at you, better mad at you then dead. I regret so many days that I didnt tell my brother I loved him. Dont ever tell someone who is thinking of committing suicide to do it, dont challenge them. Because what if he did? You would never be able to live with yourself. Ever. Let him know that you are not out to get him, tell him you love him. I dont know if this would help, but write him a letter. In this letter, write what you would want to say if he did do it. Unfortunately, people dont understand what they are to people. I still write my brother letters even though he is dead, telling him whats going on, so its like hes not even missing it. Seriously, find him some help. If he resents you, thats fine. You might have to admit him into a hospital on suicide watch if youre afraid he might do something.	1	Indicator
It gets better. Your wasting your life. A lot of people have been where you are and made better lives for themselves. If you dont want to see that though theres nothing we can do to help you. Buck up dont fuck up', 'There isnt any point to anything so why end it?So what if none of the socially constructed ideas of the meaning of life really mean anything? Does that really change anything or just your perception of it?Was parkour the only thing that really made you want to keep living? Dont you think that there might be something in life that could appeal to you at the same level that parkour does?We only get one shot. Were only here for a short time and then we can spend the rest of our time in hell, in the dirt or whatever the fuck you believe. Why rush it? Why try and force something that will happen naturally? The world is shit. Humans are mostly shit. But that doesnt mean there arent the good parts. Smoke a bowl, eat some food and revel in the fact that you do exist and that you are here. Does it matter that you lack any identifying factors from those around you? Does it matter who gives a shit about your name after youre dead?Being in high school is hard. Its not just the people. Its the anxiety. Its the feeling that your entire life will be as shitty as it is then. That is a full possibility. I thought it would end in high school but its my first year of college and it isnt different. I know exactly how you feel with people. I get them. Women are often attracted to me but I feel like i cant connect with others like they do to me. I know someone else just like this as well and Ive had the exact same conversation with him where we ask: "whats the point?". There isnt a point. Theres two doors for you to travel through now. One is certain. We both know what happens when we die. Nothing. We were dead for the infinite amount of time that came before our births. Dont bullshit yourself. The other door is uncertain. You dont know where it will lead or if it will even be good. But you dont know! If there is nothing that you can fathom that could be behind the door of uncertainty that can make you happy then sure. Pick the other door. You just better be fucking sure and not do this after drinking while on anti depressants next to daddys gun closet. We all know how its going to end. For me I just hope its not full of regret. One fucking shot dude	0	Supportive
I started anti-DP treatment this morning.Feeling like a turd.I just had the worst night filled with ala Ripper victorian horror nightmares.Im alive but I still dont see where Im heading now, I feel Ive been doing so much wrong around me all my life, hurting myself and those who tried to love me.I was just trying to get it right by myself, out of pride, like a selfish bitch that I am. I didnt want chemical help because I see this as Asthenia (sorry to fellows who rely on it, you can have a good laugh at me now).Im trying hard to relax, surrounded by records and Smith the cat (Im a Redditor, after all).I guess that moving from /r/SuicideWatch to /r/depression/ can be called a success, somehow.I now have an additionnal therapist, my relatives are trying their best not to leave me by myself those few first days of treatement, but Id like to keep on conversing here too, as I realized I feel more confortable online.Maybe someday I can return the favor. Thanks again.', 'I started AD treatment after refusing it for years, maybe I wanted to prove myself I could overcome this on my own. But the results are what they are: my pride led me to failure in my professional and personal life.I never gave up before though.I always got myself back in the race because I always found hope in something.My hope is gone. Now what?', 'I am willing to talk.Im recovering from an attempt to take my life, and just started treatment.I dont know what will turn out of it, but I know for sure Im better at helping others than myself.Try me. Whats your deal?(If anyone reads this and thinks this is a bad idea, please tell me)', 'Im aware of the time it takes to kick in. They were prescribed by a new psychiatrist I started seeing.The hard time is before/after sleep. For now, I just cant begin to forgive myself.I dont want to be a victim, but then it means its all my fault.Someone I really cared about left because she couldnt deal with my anxiety. I dont blame her though.I blame myself.', 'I just started taking those just a few days ago (10), because I tried to kill myself. I have a hard time writing this down...First I thought about ways of doing it, I still dont know if I really wanted to die, but the fact is I ended emptying a full bottle of benzodiazepine with alcool.I feel so ashamed.I just wanted the Pain to go away.', 'IMO, crisis is a state of mind, a total loss of confidence between people and what they can do for each other as a group or society.So, unfortunately, youre right to be worrying about what can be perceived on your resume. Im unemployed myself and cant figure out how to saddle up again. I considered taking a one-way ticket just like you. I feel competent in many fields, and Im an interview-killer just as Im sure you are. But I cant regain the confidence that went away with all thats happened for years now, and Im scared to death.I taught myself how to read at the age of four with those old cassettes-bookcases. I was immediately labeled as "genius" and put up to every podium adults could find to congratulate themselves having such a brilliant son/pupil/whatev.The expectations were sky-high on me.In my teen years, I started a short (but quite succesful) career in amateur skateboarding, which was to me a liberation, but to people watching over me way below what they thought my potential was. I dropped because all that I was heading to was a job in this industry and I already figured out that the business was as tough as anywhere else, people using people using other people...Then I figured I had to get a "real" job, so I got to work in the web and gaming industry at 20, dropping my studies, because I knew I was able and I liked the idea to produce stuff that made people go "Dya see dat?" and succeeded for some years.Until it started to get at me, like bad. I just had the revelation that what I liked doing for a living was bad for me, because of the environment that went with it.Im 34 now, just started recovering from a suicide attempt, started treatment this morning and realized I have no idea who I am or what Im gonna be for the rest of my life.I found that perfect quote once by Thelonious Monk:>"The genius is the one best at being himself."I hate to say it, because its terribly obvious and I still have a Tired difficult time believing it myself, but just maybe, the way is finding out what you are, and just fucking be the best at it. And if the environment youre in starts getting at you, thats because youre not fit to it, and thats not a bad thing, because it does not mean you are sane if you fit in an environment that isnt.Now, I understand your present situation may not encourage you to move on, the direction youre heading to is what matters most, not the place you are.As you can see, I do too feel the need to talk because of recent events and dont want to take too much room, this discussion is about you, but I feel you and I are not so different at finding our way in this fucked-up and twisted society of ours.But buddy, there will always be people like us, the danger is thinking were alone. Were not. Were just appart.Were in the right place. Talking.I find your writing excellent and spirited, consider that for a sec.Just keep rolling. Oh, and be sure to check out a Rodney Mullen interview, this dude is the Dala\xc3\xaf-Lama on a skateboard.', 'For now, I feel like Im barely standing on this first step.Thanks for your support. Hope well chat again, and wish you success on this long road.', 'Thanks for the meditation thingy, Ill give it a try.As I wrote, I dont blame her for preserving herself, shes been through as much as anyone, regarding death and illness.Shes reachable but things were said that we cant take back. She willingly broke the line so I cant get hold onto her. I guess shes right in a certain way.I wont try anything before I feel real changes in me. I gotta get myself up again, but even if I succeed Im afraid to face all the good things that could have happened to me before that I just fucked up because of, sorry for that, what I cant resign myself to call illness.', 'I always tried hard to "man the fuck up" myself, I always end up alone in Fear and anxiety.', 'Ive been Depression on and off for years, now. Untreated. Too proud.I feel that all my choices in life are based on something that Im not. I now believe that it is the true cause of my depression.Im over 30, had big expectations put on me Tired early, and failed at building a career or personal life.Failure. Again, and again.Cant tell all this to anyone I know because, well, having lived with it for so long, I learned to hide it and Im still this smart-funny-pleasant dude, and Im scared to show my true self, not being taken seriously.The last failure was a personal one, the girl I lived with for months and truly believe is the one, because she was able to SEE me. She left a month ago, right after what she saw was how Anxiety I could get.I cant blame her for not being by my side in this, she has her own problems and felt unsecure around me.After losing her, I felt like nothing could ever be right again, so I crossed the bridge. I blacked out from the pills and alcool, but woke up, so I tried to go get some more, the rest is fuzzy. I got help from my family, somehow.I still feel the same, I hope therapy and treatment will help.Hope is all Ive left, but sometimes I wish I had none, so I could be relieved.', 'Acceptance / Rejection', 'I cant remember well writing this, because I had already started popping BZDZPM down with booze at the time.Curiously enough, writing something here was to me the most appropriate way to express what I felt, although I practicly never do.I woke up few hours later. Time had gone, disappeared to be precise.The pills were all gone, too. I stood with some effort to go get some more.I finally got to reason to get help. Its going to be a long road.Im writing this because for the few people that took a moment of their attention to focus on my distress.It made me realize I lack the ability to express my inner pain, and it could have come to something that should not have happened.I had never in my wholelife considered something that extreme before.I feel failure so deep in my life that it seems I cant even end it properly.Thank you all again.', 'Do you feel you are meant for greatness?That your Weakness of hand are made to produce something really valuable?(Not in a "pickin gold from the street" Tony Montanas way, naturally)', 'I dont know if my problem is the result of my situation or the opposite.Im Depression because I failed at everything because Im Depression because, etc...	4	Attempt
Most people in life are not equipped with the skills to survive. Just like a new born were the most vulnerable mammal out there, yet we are the most intelligent. So how do most of us make it thru to the next day? Look in to the skill set of a person and you will find the answers. You may not have standard school skills, or even girl skills but you may not have had the right opportunities. You may have had impossible teachers regarding school, heck they dont pay them Tired well in my state. The women on the other hand could be a different story. Some women are fake and materialistic or just want it all because they think they can. You may find that some of them arent looking for that at all, and really just want someone to relate to. Keep this attitude when you are considering who you choose to attempt a break through with or spontaneous conversation. Look closely, Tired closely at the business area in your city and look for the place that has the need and the money to help your employment situation. Try really hard to disallow your thoughts of pending doom to bring down your hope for a job. A job is the only thing that may bring your spirits up at this point. Ive seen this sad\\happy chain of events happen all the time, including myself. Spend every waking hour like a soldier behind enemy lines with only five bullets left and 6 enemies who have you trapped in a bunker. All you need to do is kill 2 with one shot, then your hope is back where it should be, an even fight for life. Dont expect a miracle, just hard work on your part. Everyday use all the resources you can, and ditch any friends for now that dont have your back on this or try to lead you to self medicate. Edit: Please dont take the bullet theory to literally.', 'I broke up with my fiance last night, for real. That was hard to write just now. The thoughts of a love one are connected to your heart with a fish hook. Its there to keep you together through all the scenarios where people would like to keep the relationship true in all aspects. If he was brought up to think the same as you, then the timing would be more in tact. But if (like me) he loves for the wrong reason, then your relationship timing is off and the train wreck will happen. Its also important to know about a mans relationship with his mother; good or bad and how you compare to his mom. If its bad and youre not like her, then good. If its good and youre not like her, then its bad. Then the X factor, some "other" factor comes in to play. Its Tired tough to find the timing and the right person and no X factors until youre married and happy. I know the feeling of waking up and the reality kicks in. Im sitting in it right now. I can also tell you Ive tried to take pills and that was enough for me to realize that I do not want to do that to myself ever again. I was 15 at the time, and I still remember listening to Fade to Black by Metalica and feeling like the world turned its back on me. It feels that way again for me, but I think its necessary to complete my true feelings and to acknowledge how I owned the relationship. This may happen throughout your life, just remember that Pain is more intense and slow, but all the good times go by fast. If you weigh them, Im sure the good times outweighed the bad.', 'During my twenties and early thirties I always felt my my mind was idling higher than normal and getting high or drinking took the edge off. I did this everyday for most of my life since my parents were in to it and "It" seemed to always be around. When I would stop using, my mind would race off again and I gained the pills and knife you had and made attempts that did not work. What I did learn from this was: The act of trying was enough for me to finally learn I didnt want to go thru with it. Theres always a part of the ride we dont like, but Ill bet there are times when its pretty fun. Just having a sentient brain, knowing were on a rock in the Milky Way...? Youll have plenty of time to be gone, you only have a blink of an eye here. Take what you have been given and apply it to someones life to make it better. For me I had a child, then also someone who I take care of, someone who had real bad luck and deserves help. I keep busy and Ive forgotten why checking out was important. Remember to tell yourself that tomorrow will bring a different set of variables, but you may have to invoke them yourself. ', 'I have to wonder where strength comes from. I wonder if its chemicals balanced in my head, current events like a job, relationship, family, etc. I wonder if my thinking may pour the wrong chemicals in to the soup and this brings me closer to depression. I think that Im lucky to have gone so far lately without bad events in my life, I guess this is why I feel I need to give back, like you said you do for some people. I get the sense of how strong your personality is and at first I thought it may be hard for me to provide help. Someday when evolution drags us out of the mud and we begin to help everyone and everyone is treated fairly or at least given a chance to be happy, we will all be better for it. Sometimes I picture myself way down the road during times when I just want to give up, knowing when I get better I can look back and say, you didnt give up completely. I really believe life has ups and downs to great degrees, there are tests, and there are achievements. Maybe there is a weight on your ankle, use your stubbornness to carry it with you, someday you will find a way to break this chain and regain the brightness of the child that was you. The challenge for us sometimes is to be a father to that child, and give him encouragement, this may be weird but it could provide support. If you feel as though you failed somewhere, remember you can always make up for it in other ways. It doesnt stop the memory, but it is one way to heal. I wish you well and that someone helps you as much as you have helped others. I leave you with a quote that has helped me see clearly: "All WILL be well, All will be WELL.', 'How will you know the difference between people who want attention, those who really are ready to commit to what they are saying and also hoaxes? How can you be sure they are not posting under a new name afterwards because they did not go thru with it or due to embarrassment? How can we block all these posts with this single minded thinking? Will you be able to live with the fact that there may be people who post this type and didnt go thru with it? I can see if they didnt go thru with it, would they really care if we deleted their post?, probably. Maybe they want to feel as if they did do it and need to understand the most important lesson that one could ever learn. The lesson for me was this: After an attempt no matter how significant of an attempt it was, how my mind reflected back on what happened and I learned that I do not want to try it again. For me, I never tried again as the motion of trying was enough for me to learn from it. Trying to control what a person thinks before it happens is great, this is why were here. I do not understand shunning all posts of this kind. No sir, I disagree.', 'I believe my life to be a vinyl record. Id like to think the pauses in between each song is where all seems lost, dismal and bleak. The comforting sound starts again, I smile and move on. Then the final songs ends and the record player just makes the clicking noise or pulls out and comes to a rest waiting to be played again someday by "The Conductor". It could be an eternity until he wants to hear that record again, depending on how good my lifes music was.', 'Anyone willing to give up on someone who is need of help or in your example disappearing from Reddit after a good bye cruel world post is missing the point. If Im trying to seek attention for my worries, then let me for-fill that need. You should use your ability to help in an out of the box thinking fashion. I understand your point but you may not understand that there are people who have psychological issues that come here in a last ditch effort. Youre just being the same as the people in their life that say they are invalid, thus youre causing more harm then good. Especially if your analogy is incorrect or not always the case. I do agree with some of your other post-comment ideas. ', 'If there was a way of telling you have a "Soul" or some kind of energy that floats around or maybe a "Spirit" of sorts, dont you think we would have been able to invent a way of detecting it? We should have been able to detect something, anything either leaving the body or detectable within the confines of your body. My approach to Fear is logical because Fear is only what you feel, a response to something unknown or something just plain scary. If we could photograph the "Soul", Ghost or whatever and truly make the connection that I believe we havent made yet, thats when Ill be afraid. Bricks will be shat at that point. But until then, logic tells me when I squish an ant and his matter is no longer functioning, hes gone and there is nothing left, no thoughts, no conscientious, youre just an inanimate object, just like the dirt youre lying in. Sorry bout the commas, its an issue with me.', 'If you think these issues you have are negative, or effect you negatively, this may be your changing point. They are apart of you, you may not be able to change this so what there is to change is how you perceive this as a negative. Its like your bother\\sister who doesnt do well in math. Theyre still your relative, do you love them less for it? Absolutely not, you go about your life helping them when you can. Be a brother to yourself and help out where you can but do not love yourself less for it. ', 'Being examined under a spotlight can make you question yourself more then whats needed to realize the truth. I would stop worrying about specific answers. I would try different things to see if you can find something that changes your moods. Like walking, eating certain foods, etc. Youre only here for a Tired short time, trust me youll want to remember how you fought it to the end instead of how Sharp Pain you gave up or how easy of a decision it was. You were given a life, you can do what ever you want. If you wish life to be good for others because yours has gone bad then do something for others. Do anything you well please because sometimes we get stagnant and need a change. Ever notice that caring for yourself is harder then caring for someone else? Dont allow your own disregard be a factor. Could you treat yourself better? Give yourself what you need instead of what you want? Can you make attempt to put yourself in to scenarios where you get the interaction you need? Focus on an effort to get you moving forward with what may be your path of happiness. ', 'You can turn it around partially and find something to leave your soul in tact and move to the upper side of life. You could take a few weeks and work on your physical strength and such, then post some ads on Craigslist or something and go on a date. You may need to lower your standards but be talkative, and smile. Dont give up, and put in some effort and Im sure youll find someone or something you want to do. I take comfort in knowing I will always find myself looking up instead of down. Yes, I get Depression but I know myself, and only myself can get me out a hole like that.', 'It almost seems like our social environment with the wrong people in it can have a downward spiral effect. I imagine like all other planned events, we do not have social coordinators to help.This is just an idea.(When I become a Billionaire).A giant gym like building with flashing neon lights but smells of a dentist office.First you walk in and you have the option to take a shower, while you clothes are UV cleansed and your choice of fragrance. You are all the while calmed by the choice of music you picked while waiting your turn. Youre met by the gender of choice tech\\counselor. The Personalysys report signifies one of four colors based on your personality. You have a large visible colored marker and you can then gravitate to people that score the same as you. Your assessment is completed, your diagnostic results provided. Youre put in to a small crowd to mingle, then a second larger room with more people\\applicants. If you still feel unmotivated, you go to the last room, where you can ask for anything you want, but in return we give you what you need. After all the results and surveillance of your behavior we give it to you straight. You then have the option of starting over the next day. ', 'It sounds like to me like you need a friend to get you out of the pity party and start kicking ass. My guess is it has to do with your persona or maybe your altered persona. It seems like the classic story, Mom who supports, abusive father and the fantasy\\reality of being the other sex. I can imagine that all these things makes you who you are in a world so cold, when you leave the door, youre life has no circle. There is no one to circle back to; enriching your life. You may have made a wrong turn in life, I feel your dedication to life has to do with the time you were ready to be your own leader in life, and if life threw you a bone, it may have been the best bone ever. But missing your time to grow as your own leader has past, youre only left with leaning on someone else to "Take care of you". Use the computer to find people, and if you agree, find someone out there that is into what you have to offer. Maybe coming to America? San Fransisco is where I was born, you wouldnt have a problem there, but its super expensive nowadays. Hang in there kid, youre just a young-in and those thoughts will go away as you mature and hopefully learn from life. Youll find that life is about adjustment and overcoming your challenges so you may someday sit back and say...yeah I was like before, but now I might be able to help someone myself. And so it was I did almost die from my own stupidity and here I am, still stupid...jk - there is a billion things life has to offer, dont give up until you learn the majority of them. You wouldnt want to go before seeing whats behind door number two would you? ', 'The more I look around, the more I see people being tortured by their own struggles and successes in life. Every job, every super hot women, everything made with style, fashion, and allure. Nothing to do with quality, integrity, and practical methods. I see people moving with this change, and becoming more plastic as the programing changes. Please do believe we are being controlled and you my friend need to see it first hand. I wish I had a magical relocation tornado, I would send it to your coordinates to "Gently" pick you up and move you to environment that would give your life meaning. When I was young, I gave up on life just because it didnt go exactly as planned, then I found the one thing that keeps me here. I found that even though Im an introvert, I only derive Emotional upset and tangible rewards from helping others successfully. It sounds like you just havent found this meaning and youre willing to give up on this fact. I also realized AFTER a failed attempt how much I didnt want to go through with it after all. To me when I reflect back its like my destiny needed a close call with death for a specific reason and I now know what that reason is. It took me 20 years to figure this out.', 'I guess you could say I was two steps away from being you. Somehow, my path changed and today I look back and say Fuck!, I could have been spiraling down or worse by now if I didnt take a different path. I never talk to my parents and I tried having sex with random people, the same picky attitude about how they act, dress or even what music they like. Same issues down there my friend. My father molested my sister and both parents were on psychedelics. it was the early 70s and Love?, not really. Unless you consider, Hey man, can you hold my baby while I do this line of coke? love...again its nice to be all loved but my point is next. I found a lady friend online and we were more friends then anything else, time went on and we spent allot of time together, really no intimacy, just lost of booze and smoke, and lots of chillin. As we all know people want sex so eventually we were both frustrated without it. We sorta went our separate ways at that point. Jump forward about six months and I was back online looking for "Love". The funny part is I found myself looking for posts she might make...wait was I envious of my old friend? I found a post that just had to be her. I replied not knowing but found out things had gotten worse for her, really bad people with the white in their nose kinda people. They took over her house and set up camp. It took people with guns (not the police) to remove these people to say the least. All her possession destroyed lost or stolen including her dads ashes. I helped her back to her Oedema of extremity visiting her at a shelter, allowing her to stay with me and eventually live with me. She lost her son, her marriage was already in shambles and everything she owned gone, just gone. I had tried suicide when I was young and for the most part I gave up on life, but like a cat I somehow always land back on my Oedema of extremity. My lady friend tried to commit suicide in a thrift store dressing room using a belt, but was luckily found by a medical student and after 10 minutes or so, she survived with little or no drain bramage..lol. Over time she moved back with me after a stay in the hospital. I know youre thinking what? why?...why would anyone want to spend time with a crazy person who reached the end of her civilized life to reach bottom, try to commit suicide, and be mostly an alcoholic mess? Because of the validation of a little myth called Love. I couldnt have sex with the person I loved most until years later after the mess had cleared, and time had sealed some wounds with scar tissue. Today we have a love that holds its water and we live with happiness, joy , respect, and we help each other on our issues constructively. Im still the same person that gave up some many years ago, but to tell you the truth I now wish to have a few more days with this person as its better then going down that road again. Its not the easiest thing to care for a troubled soul, but somehow its my sacrifice for all the harm to myself and others Ive caused. I now care more about how she makes it through then my own destiny.TLDR: If you loose the love for life in yourself, you may find it in someone who needs it more then you do.', 'I have been viewing Reddit for the longest time, I think theres a name for someone like me, I dont remember what they called it, but I registered today after reading your post. Im not really sure why I registered but one thing I believe in is this: Everything that significantly happens in your life needs to be talked about with rational sense to come to place where your brain can be OK with it. It truly sound like youre just around the corner from us, metaphorically meaning if you have the right audience, the right ears with the right background on the facts, youd see there is comfort in understanding your own Pain. Its like your being pushed down stairs right now and it sounds like its persistent. Take any other time in your life when you picked yourself up and moved on... and just because option are running low doesnt mean the game is over. Go out fighting, but dont let the reality or weight of current issues bring you too far down. I also believe in fate, that you were probably meant to reach the bottom of the barrel as a re-potting of values, experience, balance and a new you at the end of it all. People are not human unless they change, yours is just involuntary. I wish you better days to come as you make them come, try to be happy for something that cant be taken away from you. For me, its right now, every day....Im alive and I think about just that one thing..."I have a great smile" ... it makes other smile too, something along those lines, like when you were young, the simple things can still make you believe in yourself and provide simplistic meaning. Its also a great break from worrying about all the issues being thrown your way. At least for me, taking this time out of my day I only hope it lets a small ray of sunshine upon you and youre family.	4	Attempt
My mothers father killed himself and any time she sees his belongings she cries. She cries so deeply that it hurts my heart, even though I didnt know him and I have no fatherly figure in my life. Her grief over him is not gone, and it has been at least 15 years.	1	Indicator
No. If you do something stupid like hurting yourself youll destroy her life. How will the people who care about you feel if you Pain yourself? Youll feel better and normal again. Trust me. Dying is not the answer. Let nature take care of that. Everyone makes mistakes, dont beat yourself up over it. At least give your girl a chance. Spill your guts to her and let her decide if she still loves you.', 'Yeah, my favorite part. SNACK ATTACK! ', 'Things will get better. Im not religious at all, but I really feel that you can alter things. If you think positive thoughts and *believe" things will work out for you and life will be good, things do work out and life is good. Check this out, it always makes me smile [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yAwTGvqFUg](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yAwTGvqFUg)', 'Well, women are strange. I know what you mean. When I got dumped, I didnt see it coming.', 'BTW, my first real girlfriend (in college) left me for the valedictorian. He is now a doctor. But it worked out, I found someone else (almost a year later) and it is better.', 'Ill chat with you. Dont be too sad, things can (and usually do) get better.', 'Take a deep breath and relax. Life is Tired short, there is no reason to rush to death. If you are really engaged and you kill yourself, you may Tired well destroy the life of the person you are engaged to. That would be the most selfish and awful thing to do.	2	Ideation
No. My family wants me gone. My ex husband is a douchenozzle and would use this against me if he found out. I have no friends. The only people who ever want to hang out with me only do for sex.', 'Its just that my goals are going to take time, and apparently Im out of that particular commodity. Theres no way Ill be able to live in my car with my kids and work and pass school all at the same time. I already know I cant afford next semester, which will set me back, and if I do somehow manage to find a place Im going to have to be focusing on paying for that, and so I wont be able to afford school yet again. If will end up on the back burner and Ill end up spending the rest of my sad lonely life working my ass off in order to not quite make ends meet. ', 'No money, no insurance. Social services here suck.', 'I want to be a doctor. But I cant even afford community college at the moment. My parents want me out of the house but theres literally nothing I can do to make that happen at the moment.', 'Nothing there', 'Theyre too young to know the difference ', 'Is this really the time and place to be bashing OP?', 'As a single mom with two dependents thats really not an option. ', 'reposting this here so you see it:This. I lived this Tired situation for three years. No matter what they say they will do, no matter the promises they make, it will not get better. I was pregnant, and scared. I had no friends, never left our apartment. I had no support system. I understand loving him and wanting to make it work. It wont though. I had no education, and didnt think I could leave. I finally did though, after he sexually assaulted me early one morning, and it was the best thing I have ever done for myself and my kids. Its hard being alone and making it on my own, but it is so much better than being controlled or manipulated like I was.Im going to PM you my story, hopefully it will help you some.', 'This. I lived this Tired situation for three years. No matter what they say they will do, no matter the promises they make, it will not get better. I was pregnant, and scared. I had no friends, never left our apartment. I had no support system. I understand loving him and wanting to make it work. It wont though. I had no education, and didnt think I could leave. I finally did though, after he sexually assaulted me early one morning, and it was the best thing I have ever done for myself and my kids. Its hard being alone and making it on my own, but it is so much better than being controlled or manipulated like I was.', 'thanks', 'Not really. When Im like this I just want to chain smoke and drive too fast in the rain with the windows down.', 'I just Pain all the time. Im so Tired of feeling. Thats all I want, to stop feeling. ', 'Its been a year, and its only getting worse. I need $2000 more dollars than I have just to break even this month. 25000 to pay everything off. All because my ex is a deadbeat and my roommates screwed me over for 10 months. ', 'The problem is, Im completely helpless right now and I hate it. Theres nothing I can do to change it at this point. I am literally at the will of the people around me. I have $2 plus whatever change is in my door compartment to my name. I have no where to live, I cant afford school, but I dont qualify for financial aid. I cant get assistance from the city because I technically live with my parents and because Im under 25, they wont consider me an independent adult (which is ridiculous considering I was moved out and married for three years before I moved back, our finances are completely separate, and Im expected to provide food for myself and the kids). Im stuck in hell and theres no way out thats anywhere near. The Tired earliest ill be able to graduate is December of 2014 and thats if I even get into the program I want. If not, well, I dont even want to think about that at this point. Im drowning right now and theres nothing to grab a hold of, and no one who cares enough to throw me a line. ', 'My family has "done their time" so Im no longer their problem.	1	Indicator
Actually I just started medication. Im a pretty rational person (imo) and Im not going to just toss in the towel without trying all of my available options. I have hopes for the pills I am taking (yesterday was actually somewhat okay, I smiled at the thought that I might smile).', 'Get a motorcycle. Im still Depression, but not when I ride mine.', 'Offer to be there for her when she feels she needs to use drugs or cut. Day or night. Explain that youre Worried about her. Worried about her future. Ask her to do the same for you. Be a support system for each other.Of course, this relies on her realizing she has a problem with drugs. Some people refuse to acknowledge they use drugs to hide from their real issues. You can try explaining that to her, but I cant give advice on how. I wasnt able to do it.', 'I know something that helps me is just having something to focus on. Not necessarily cleaning... Just anything that requires me to concentrate. I like to ride a bicycle because it requires enough work to not crash that I cant think about what is bothering me.', 'Wellbutrin has helped my Anxiety a lot and hasnt Pain my libido.', 'I went to the doctor and told him I had Anxiety and depression. He gave me the specific medicine I requested. If your doctor is a dick, find a new one.', 'I dont know if these sort of links are wanted here. I know that personally I like to read about research into Depression and Anxiety.', 'I always called it `negative thought cycle`. Once you pop you just cant stop!', 'Ive already given up on being a somebody. I did that at the start of my 20s. The thing I am Worried about now is being a nobody who still doesnt like anything or have anyone.', 'Hi there. My GF of over a year cheated on me as well.I know you dont want to hear it, but you dont want to be with someone who would do that to you. Its really hard to accept that, but deep down you know it is true. If she felt things were so bad she should have brought it up to you before cheating, not after.Like you, I love my GF Tired much. I cant and dont want to imagine my life without her, but things will never be the same between us. She selfishly betrayed my trust, just like your wife betrayed yours. I know it doesnt help knowing that. It didnt help me... But thats how things are. Shes already ended the relationship in her mind. Taking her back will just leave you Delusional disorder and Pain. She did it once, shell do it again (I forgave my gf... she went behind my back again). It hurts, but you need to start moving on.', 'I cant speak for him, but alcohol reacts Tired poorly with my medicine.', 'Yeah. I felt it was something I should be able to overcome... Something that if I understood the reasons well enough I could defeat them.But it just didnt work that way. I know exactly why I am the way I am. All of my hangups about my appearance... I can pinpoint them to specific comments by specific people. Everything I am aware of I can trace back to the event that started it all. I know that what I do is illogical. I know that the way I feel is unfounded. It didnt help at all. I still felt like total shit. I still felt useless.Dont do what I did. Dont spend almost 2 decades fighting a battle that is going nowhere. If youve been trying for years to overcome your Depression with no success... Give medicine a try. Its at the Tired least making life have more highlights than it used to.', 'Someone here recommended picturing a stop sign. That didnt really work for me, but something that did was just repeating the word "stop" (or any word really) non-stop in my head. It makes it so I cant let that little voice inside go crazy with questions ("what if?", "why did she?", "what did I do?", "where am i going?", etc)', 'Heres a little fun thing you can do if she is friends of your friends on Facebook. Change your security settings to show your stuff to friends of friends. Then just start posting all the awesome shit youre doing without her. Its stupid, but that makes me feel better.It will Pain for a long time. Thats how you know it was love.I definitely feel worse at nights too. I dont know if you guys lived together, but I havent slept in my bed since shit went down. I have to go to sleep on the couch or I get Depression about how big (and empty) the bed is.And no worries mate. They call me Vanilla Ice because if youve got a problem, yo, Ill solve it (Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it). (Can you tell these pills are really helping?)', 'I went without meds for over 15 years. I was doing better than I was when I first got Depression. I got in a loving relationship that lasted over a year. And then she cheated on me, and all of the stuff I was blissfully ignoring for the last year hit me at once: no job, no friends (outside of the woman who cheated on me), no degree, no prospects, no place of my own, no hobbies, etc. This was the worst point in my life (cliche, I know). Its the only time I seriously looked for crisis centers. Its the only time I was genuinely Worried I was going to kill myself despite thinking about it for a decade and a half. Eventually I broke down and gave in on my "NO MEDS!" rule.Im finally on them (150mg bupropion) and I can honestly say things seem better (as long as I dont drink alcohol). I still get sad, but I know that it is nowhere near what I would be feeling without the medication. It could be placebo, but I dont think so. I can go out without Crying (usually). Im not obsessing over stuff as much. Im spending less time thinking about what has happened and more about whats going on day-to-day. I want to get out and do things more. Im actually entertaining the idea of approaching people in public to talk with them (I havent yet, but Im getting dangerously close). Overall it has been positive for me thus far. Im even starting to use positive adjectives to describe myself and actually believe what I say.As far as side effects...I was experiencing a ton. Most of it seemed to be just diet related; Caffeine or lots of sugar caused me to be Tremor, Dizziness, etc. Even a little alcohol got me really drunk, and actually flushed the meds from my system (so I experienced my Depression and Anxiety full on for the next few days until my body readjusted). I was only sleeping 3 hours a night without being Tired the next day. I wasnt eating despite starting exercise.A lot of food just doesnt taste as good to me now; mostly greasy fast food, so thats a bonus because it is making me eat healthier. I cant drink anymore, but that isnt a big deal for me. I only started because I was trying to Numbness the Pain after she cheated on me (Yeah, 27 years refusing alcohol and drugs and it just takes 3 words to get me to drink). My appetite still isnt that big (compared to usual), but it is better than when I first started the medicine. I am also sleeping normal hours now (well, more than 3). I havent been Tremor or Dizziness since cutting back on sugars. My only regret is not starting them sooner.edit: Something I forgot was that the medicine does seem to start to wear off, or at least loses some potency, around 10pm (I generally take my pill at 10am). Combine this with my Insomnia and I do tend to start getting more Depression at night. Its also entirely possible it is because at night I get really sad about the ex not being there (I still sleep on the couch because the bed reminds me that Im alone). Its still better than I was. ', 'Muscle weighs more than fat', 'Why cant you get married? If a quadriplegic can find someone, you can. Your use of Testosterone makes me think that perhaps you are a hermaphrodite or a male whose gentiles didnt form correctly. I promise you there are people out there who dont care, and hell, maybe even are turned on by it.Why cant you adopt a kid? Fathering a kid biologically might be out of the question... But adoption is a Tired real option.As far as the volunteer programs, start looking for smaller names in the industry. You might be working for just a place to live and food to eat, but its still in the field you want to do. The big names can be finicky because they have a ton of applicants. The smaller names are going to be more lenient.', 'Its been 15 years of being trapped. Im giving it 3 years and 3 months more.', 'I know this is stupid of me to say, but youre being Tired defeatist. Youre letting yourself fail at things you havent even tried."Turned on" might have been too far, but my point was that there are going to be people out there who are not dismayed by whatever it is that is wrong with you. Even to the point where they may make you feel better about it yourself.Youll never know if you can qualify if you never let yourself get to the point. And theres always artificial insemination.And dont assume. Do the research and find out. And really... What are you trying to get out of that career choice? Travel? Helping others? There are lots of careers that offer that.', 'I guess my point was that not all meds are bad and that I regret not being on them far sooner. The side effects I am experiencing are relatively nothing compared to the crushing despair I felt every day.Im sure youve heard it before, but different meds do different things to different people. Try, try again.', 'Quick summary of my situation: * GF told me she loved me * We lived together for a year and some change * Had some issues at the start of the new year that we (I thought) worked out * Cheated on me from Feb/March to April. Lied to my face, kissed me after kissing the other guy, etc * Lied to me about so many thingsAnd these next bits really hit home:>today, 6 whole fucking days later shes with someone else. shes with a guy that, two months ago, i fuckign KNEW she had something for and she said she didnt.I fought my jealousy and convinced myself it was a harmless friendship. It wasnt. I was replaced immediately when the relationship ended. Hell, I was replaced before that.>the worst part is she doesnt even feel bad. or sad. she doesnt miss me. she doesnt give a fuck. shes indifferent.I know exactly what you mean. This feels so horrible. Someone who you thought loved you no matter what doesnt seem to care at all. You share so much together and they completely disregard your feelings, show you no respect, cant even muster a hug. When I was really down I called my ex to come watch me when I was Worried about killing myself. She dismissed me because she didnt want to ruin her high. That Pain. I was worth less to her than some pot (or whatever drug she was on at the time).For the first month I was absolutely destroyed. I couldnt function. I cried daily. If I got out of the house I cried in the car. I researched painless suicide methods. I researched crisis centers. I started drinking (I never drink, cant stand the taste) just to try and do something to dull the Pain. I kind of had a mini-breakdown and got rid of a lot of my stuff. I became best friends with sleeping pills just so I wouldnt have to be awake to feel the Pain. Eventually I caved and went to a doctor to get medicine (Ive always, and still do, view it as a crutch). As far as where I am now?Before I started on the medicine, I took a couple of weeks out of town just to get away from this area (small town, hard to avoid going near where the guy lives and they work). I stayed with a good friend of mine. Just being away from things that reminded me about our relationship did wonders.When I got back into town I started my medicine. I also started working out (Insanity). Things are going better. I still feel down, but I can at least go to the store without breaking into tears. I can think about her cheating on me without instantly falling to the floor. When I do start crying, I make it productive. I practice guitar or work on something Ive been putting off. Im slowly getting somewhere. Im changing what I dont like about myself one thing at a time. Im realizing that I am a better person than she deserved to begin with. I still Pain deeply inside, but I can handle it better.My biggest suggestion, and this is something I have been failing to do myself, is to STOP TALKING TO HER. You are only hurting yourself. You need to distance yourself from her right now. By far the thing that is fucking me over the most right now, other than being so lonely, is talking to her and briefly forgetting what she did to me. It just hurts when you snap back into reality.So cut it off. No IMs, no e-mails, no phone calls, no texts, avoid her in person. Dont talk with her. It might take six months or six years, but you need to get to the point where the relationship is just a distant memory and you arent Emotional upset about it. Talking to her now is just going to make you refresh the relationship in your mind (I still think of my ex as my girlfriend coming on 2 months later. Whenever I know she is with that guy it feels like she is cheating on me all over again). Just stop talking with her. Its for the best.So, I guess a Sharp Pain list of what I did and suggest:* Seek medication* Try and block out your inner monologue by repeating a word over and over again (I use "stop"), so it cant overtake you with negative thoughts* Try and get away for a while* Try and work out (if your condition allows for this)* Turn Feeling unhappy into something productive (cleaning, practice guitar, etc...) No matter how hard you are sobbing, just keep doing it. Its kind of ridiculous when Im practicing guitar with tears coming down my cheeks, but at least I am working on a skill. It isnt wasted time.* When you get to the point where you can be in public without crying, get out more... Even if you hate where you are going. Find some random shop and go in, look around. It might only take 10 minutes, but thats 10 minutes of time away from your home. You will feel better.* Try new things you normally wouldnt. Force yourself.* Try and change those things about you that you dont like. If you dont like your job, look for a new one. If you dont like your hair, get a different style.* Cut off contact! Important!I wont sit here and tell you not to think about her. You wont be able to stop yourself. I wont tell you that itll be over Sharp Pain. I still think about my ex daily. I still run the "What if?", "Why?", and so on questions through my head. I still want to be with her. You will too. Im not going to tell you it wont stop hurting. It will. It will be some of the deepest Pain youve felt. Its understandable when you care about someone that deeply. Things get better, but it takes time and effort.Just remember that, in the end, someone who would do that to you is probably not the best person to be with. Its hard to accept, but you know it is true. You want someone who respects you enough to tell you the truth when it matters.Also, I cant Stress enough how important it is to cut off all contact. I dont have friends in the city I live in, so she is my only outlet for socialization. It makes it really hard for me. It sounds like you might be in a better situation (I am assuming your friends are local). Hopefully you are stronger than me. ', 'Off the main topic, but...I dont know if it is any consolation to you, but Ive recently been on the other side of this situation. One of the things that bothers me the most is how little she cared that she Pain me. I would do nearly anything to know she felt some sort of remorse about what she did beyond the "Now I dont have a free place to live" aspect.', 'Ive been there too. Best friend. I told her everything. One day I got the "Youre really a downer" line and a comment about how I whine a lot.Now I hold back so much because I dont want to bother anyone like that.', 'This is basically my suicide plan. After I have finally thrown in the towel I am going to liquidate everything I own and just do everything until I run out of money. If I still feel like it then game over.', 'I did 15 years without medicine, staunchly refusing based on principle (It will make me stronger to fix myself!). Thats 15 years I wish I would have just broke down and started the meds. 15 years of constantly worrying in public, stressing about stupid shit...Oh god how different high school, hell, my whole life would be if I just started medicine sooner. All fixed by a stupid little pill I take every day that doesnt even cost that much.Hell, that pill is making it so I dont even feel that upset about not starting medicine sooner. Normally I obsess about regrets and missed opportunities... Not lately. Dont get me wrong, it still bums me out... But I dont spend hours in a corner sobbing because of something I did/didnt do six years ago and imagining all the different paths my life could have taken.I think my biggest concern about starting medicine was that I would "lose" myself. A big part of who I was/am is Depression and just the morose and macabre in general. I was afraid that I would be something totally different than I was, and there were certain things I liked about myself. From what I can tell it was completely unfounded. Im still me. Im just me with the ability to be happy and functional. I smiled for the first time in over a decade. A genuine smile. What did it? The fucking thought that I might smile for the first time in over a decade! I had someone over at my house and they said my face looked weird; It was because I was smiling due to them being there.I know exactly what you mean about alternatives.Meditation? I would sit there and lead myself down a path of misery. Would have, could have, should have... I would make myself extremely upset over stuff that never even happened. Exercise? I barely had the willpower to get out of bed to piss (seriously, I would debate it for an hour...weighing the pros and cons). You want me to exercise? Yeah, right.Anyway, my only regret about medicine is not doing it sooner. It just took a big life event to get me to the point where I gave up one of my defining principles. It was either give in to medicine or die.', 'Just to add to what casper said.All being in a relationship did for me was help me to put all my bad feelings to the back of my mind. I was still Depression, it was just a better version. Sounds good... Until the relationship ends. Then everything hits you at once.Its literally the worst Ive ever felt in over a decade of having Depression.', 'For me bed = storage area and couch = bed.	2	Ideation
Dont kill yourself OP. Right now you have something to live for. Even if you dont win your daughter, that doesnt mean that you cant ever visit her. You should ask the judge that if you lose, that you at least can keep track of her. And that youll be the 2nd parent if where she lives right now turns out too bad. And if you cant ever visit her, you can tell her when she turns 18 what a bitch her mom was. Your Feeling angry and Pain would probably have calmed down by then, but it gives you a goal.	0	Supportive
it may have been a cheesy joke or something that just flopped..Like what if he meant to imply something like that youll be a new man by the time you leave the class, leaving the old behind or shedding the old you as if to put it to death. Or that the class is highly difficult and stressful as to bring one to their wits end. Artists can have a flair for such dramatic prose. Just a wild guess. I do think its unlikely that hed actually mean what he said literally, but even if he did, think of what kind of person it would take to actually say that in such a situation. Is that the kind of person whose opinion youd weigh your life on? The answer either way is to keep it up, and dont forget to enjoy it!	0	Supportive
Ive used it on and off for 2 years now its been brilliant I cant recommend it enough. I had a few side affects at first like Diarrhoea and a bit of a spaced out feeling but that lasted about 2 weeks at most and then it was all good after that. The only thing I have noticed is a loss of libido but Ill take that any day over crippling Depression!', 'Absolutely life is full of ups and downs and the downs are certainly necessary to help you appreciate the ups. But bad things are part of life and you cant always control them but you can control how you react to them. My Depression and the help Ive received has been the best thing thats ever happened to me in a way because I feel so much stronger now because of it. I know there will be bad times in my life to come but Im no longer afraid of them because Ive learnt how to deal with things.', 'Is there any particular reason you feel like ending your life?', 'I have to disagree with kdol that it will never get easy. I have had Anxiety, obsessive thoughts, thoughts of suicide for as long as I can remember but as my life wasnt that bad as a kid it was Tired transient and I didnt know any better so just thought it was normal. Im 26 now and things all came to a head about a couple of years ago and I had a full on breakdown. I was basically an absolute zombie for months and I just wanted to die. It was the most horrendous thing ever but it was also brilliant because it made me realise I had a problem and got help and Im now able to control my thoughts and life is pretty good now. It certainly wasnt easy at first but the more you keep on top of things the easier it gets. I take medication, citalopram specifically which is Tired good and would definitely recommend trying if you havent already. I would recommend talking to people, try to find a hobby or activity that you like doing that can distract you from your thoughts. Read up about mindfulness meditation and neuroplasticity as well and practice that. You can literally rewire and change your brain to be happier and deal with obsessive thoughts. See this link about the changes that happen to your brain after only 8 weeks. http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/guest-blog/2014/06/12/what-does-mindfulness-meditation-do-to-your-brain/I hope this helps and remember Depression, Anxiety and obsessive thoughts dont have to be Injury of muscle you can and will get better, believe me Ive done it.', 'Hi sorry to hear you feel this way, suicide though is a Injury of muscle solution to a temporary problem and I am definitely not an advocate of it. Depression is a Tired treatable condition, I know because Ive been treated. I was basically a zombie with all emotion and feeling gone I just wanted to die but I reached out and got help and now life is good again. You say you havent got the courage to reach out for real help but what are you afraid of? No one is going to judge you and I guarantee anyone you speak to will understand and want to help. I hid my condition for a long time because I was afraid how others would react but when I finally did confide in people everyone completely understood and wanted to help in whatever way they could. It was like a massive weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I felt stupid for not telling them sooner. So my advice would be tell your close family and friends how you feel, go see your doctor and get the help you need.', 'I was Worried about taking meds and suffered for about 6 months before I finally gave them a go. It was the best thing I ever did they helped so much. Theres nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about for taking antidepressants. If youve got Diabetes mellitus you take insulin, if youve got Depression and youve been prescribed medication that you know helps then take it, its no different to any other illness.', 'You should definitely stay. If you are unhappy with any aspects of your life try to think of ways you could improve it that would make you happier and follow through with them. If you are feeling Depression but dont know why then i would recommend, therapy, meditation and medication. Which country are you in? You mentioned you dont have insurance or money for treatment but there must be charities in your country that will help you. Ive had therapy, meditate and take citalopram and I can tell you it works Tired well so I would certainly recommend trying to get the help you need by any means possible.', 'Which meds have you tried? There are many different ones and its worth experimenting with them as some work better than others for different people. Have you tried mindfulness meditation before? Id highly recommend it, the brain is a fantastic organ and you can literally rewire it and change its structure and the way it works through meditation to improve your mood.', 'Have you tried going to a local support group if you feel like your friends and family dont understand. There are Depression support groups all over the place where people will understand you and you can help each other and trade coping strategies. It would get you out and taking to people which is always good and you might even make some new friends.', 'It might be worth experimenting with other meds if you feel the one youre on isnt right for you. There are lots of different ones that all work differently for different people so it can take a few goes to find which one is right for you sometimes. Depression makes you lose motivation and energy to do anything but you need to fight it and do things that are going to benefit you like a hobby or past time you find enjoyable and meditating. You say you used to meditate which is great so why not pick up where you left off. I find reading to be quite therapeutic as well and it has been specifically proven to reduce Stress. You dont need to apologise for feeling this way though its not your fault, Depression is an Illness just like measles or the Influenza and you wouldnt apologise for getting those! But most importantly it can be cured so try to stay positive and dont worry you will get better one day you just to find out what works for you.', 'I agree with everything here. Just try to be Tired patient and not take anything too personally. If she lashes out at you or anything like that just remember its the Depression not her. When I had Depression I tried to break up with my long term girlfriend many times because the Depression left me so empty I couldnt feel anything anymore. She stuck by me and supported me though until I got better. Thats what you need to do just be there for her no matter what.', 'I agree, my advice would be to talk about how you feel with your friends and family and let them help you. I hid my Depression for a long time and then when I finally told people everyone was so understanding and supportive. Everyone has felt upset, sad, lonely, Depression etc in their life so they will be able to relate to how you are feeling on some level and I guarantee they will just want to help you. Remember Depression is an Illness just like measles or the Influenza and its nothing to be embarrassed about. So talk to people about it and go see your doctor and get the treatment you need.', 'Why dont you think you can tell anyone how you feel? I had a Tired serious bout of Depression a couple of years ago and I didnt think I could tell anyone because I didnt think anyone would understand and would think I was just weak. So I bottled it up for ages and just cried on my own all the time and got nowhere. I finally told one person and they understood exactly how I felt and were then there for me to talk to when I needed them. So I told another person and got the same result they wanted to help and completely understood what I was going through. So in end I told everyone and not a single person reacted badly. Guess what, everyone has felt lonely, upset, Depression etc at some point in their life and will totally be able to sympathise and help you. So my advice would be talk to your close friends and family, tell them how you feel and let them help you. ', 'Definitely worth a go I discovered it by accident after watching a documentary about it you should give it a watch heres a link http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1z3a38_e17-the-truth-about-personality_tvBut yeah Ive definitely found it to be beneficial for me. Personally Ive found that a combination of treatments works best, nothing seems to work amazingly well on its own but if you combine them all then it does wonders. So I did CBT, self help, meds and medication and it sorted me out. These days I still take my meds and try to do half an hour of meditation a day and that seems to do trick. But yeah going back to the brain its a fascinating thing and if you read up on neuroplasticity you will learn all about how your brain isnt a fixed organ it constantly physically changes in response to various things. Things like Stress and Anxiety can rewire the brain in a bad way that perpetuates the problem so you need to gain control again and rewire it back to being a happy brain. ', 'Hi I sympathise with your situation and although Ive never really lost anyone dear to me I have dealt with some serious bouts of Depression and know first hand what it feels like to feel completely Exhaustion with life. One piece of advice I would offer is to try and keep your mind in the present and just take things as they come. Sometimes in life you just have to live day by day or hour by hour. When your down and feeling hopeless its Tired hard to see a way out and youve said you believe if you try and let time heal you it wont work and you will end up making some bad decisions. But this is just a negative projection from your Depression mind its not necessarily true. Even though its hard to imagine now, time is a great healer and things will get better over time. So although I know its easier said than done I would try to forget about the future and just live one day to the next. ', 'Yeah sack that bint off', 'Hi I have suffered with Depression in the past and completely sympathise it is a horrible thing that I wouldnt wish on my worst enemy but Ive managed to do quite well to get on top of it. You say give been battling it for about 6 years Im just curious what treatment you have tried? Have you given mindfulness meditation a go at all? If not Id recommend researching mindfulness and neuroplasticity. You can literally rewire and change the structure of your brain through meditation in as little as 8 weeks to improve your mood. Id recommend giving it a go. I take citalopram as well which Ive found to be Tired good.	2	Ideation
Hey there,Where do you live, man? Id love to meet someone new. :) Relationships always evolve. You meet new people, you form bonds and connections. Sometimes they last a long time, and others move on. Its a normal process that every relationship has, and I am sure that many people have experienced this. I know I have! Although your high school relationships may have ended, this is a new start to meeting more people in your life. Whether it be through work, school, career, volunteering, going to clubs, bars, pursuing your favourite hobby... there will be new connections with people. ', 'Well mate, I can say this: if you have a bad trip with LSD it can stick in your mind for a Tired long time. I have a friend who did LSD when he was younger (about 7 years ago), and he had a really bad trip from being in an unfamiliar environment. To this day he still sees Hallucinations every where he goes; they usually take the shape of faces in walls, ceilings, furniture, bark on a tree, and other things. Maybe part of your Hallucinations can be attributed to LSD, if not the cause.I used to suffer from minor Hallucinations when I was on quetiapine (Seroquel), as well as unpleasant and surreal dreams. Even though it was labelled as an anti psychotic, I think my brain just really went into deep sleep mode and made every dream hyper realistic. If you are on medication (and for that matter, more than one), maybe talk to your doctor about the possibility that one or the other may be a probable cause to your Hallucinations.tl;dr: could be the LSD, could be medications.', 'Its not your fault. You are not a failure or a loser. I am sorry that you cannot go on unemployment insurance; could you make an appeal because of your mental health? I am unfamiliar with, what I guess is, the American system. I really wish there was more awareness when it comes to mental health in the workplace.I am a big advocate for awareness programs to be put in place no matter the job or profession. ', 'I am going to give my two cents.I didnt know I was pregnant until I was 32 weeks along. I didnt start really showing until I was ready to give birth. I have irregular periods, and I was going through a really rough time and did not care about myself or my health and safety. I got pregnant, even after not having a period for over a year. Fast forward a good month or two, and still didnt know. Was prescribed three different medications in the span of two months (1 was temporary; ativan sublingual). The side effects of said medications can be observed in pregnant women as well: weight gain/loss, muscle twitchiness (sertraline; Zoloft), Tiredness symptom (quetiapine; Seroquel), Nausea (sertraline; Zoloft), sleeplessness, and more. Months go by; I lose a tonne of weight from Anxiety attacks and probably morning sickness. More days, weeks, and months: significant other decides to get pregnancy test because muscle twitchiness felt like a baby kicking. Tested positive at home, confirmed at doctors office. Doctor thought I was only 6 weeks along. Chose Miscarriage because we were not ready. Doctor booked ultrasound to figure how far along I was (different methods of aborting a fetus depends on how far along you are). Turns out I was 32 weeks. I cried. I cried for days. "Looks like were going to be parents.." Book an appointment with an adoption specialist; really nice lady. Had to do everything in less than 2 months for a process that usually takes about 5-6 months. Wrote out family history, health, what we wanted for our child when we adopted out. Day of the birth: everything was okay. We were set in stone that, yes, we wanted the Tired best for our child and we wanted to adopt out. The type that we chose was open adoption, and we have heard great things about it. However, we were Tired Worried about not being able to spend time with her a lot as she grew up without us being her parents. It was Tired frightening knowing that someone else would raise her, discipline her, and that she would be raised with a family whose ideals and ethics may not match ours 100 percent. We were nervous, scared, sick, grieving. We looked after baby overnight. Both of us bonded as soon as she was born and she was in our arms. What a magical moment, if not short in the back of our minds as we thought about the clock ticking down until we didnt have her anymore. Hours go by. Had some visits by my father and my boyfriends mother. His dad didnt wanna come because he didnt want to bond with baby and then have her leave. I am sad that he missed her birth. The hours keep going by, and finally, the social worker and the foster mom came (time was so short, we didnt have an adoptive family yet) to fetch baby. Now, I dont know how I can describe this in words, but I will try. I fucking cried. I cried harder than I ever had in my life. It was like being ripped apart, then having your soul sucked right out of you. Then you plunge into despair, hopelessness, and utter darkness. I remember watching her being taken away from my arms, and I vividly remember wanting to scream and run after her. But I knew deep down that it wasnt to be. We left the hospital about an hour later. The nurses, who knew that I was adopting out, were Tired comforting and understanding. While we were driving home, many things reminded me of my daughter; there were childrens stores at a coffee junction that my boyfriend wanted to take me to to cheer me up, there were families everywhere (this was summer time), and I remember seeing lots of little ones playing in the park as we drove by our neighbourhood. I felt so awful, so guilty, and Tired depressed. I do not wish that feeling on anyone. We eventually did decide to keep our daughter in the end, but not after a month of her life went by that we missed out on. I understand both the Miscarriage aspect, and the adoption aspect. I almost experienced one, and did experience the other. Thinking back, if I did not know my daughter and didnt see her, hold her, or hear her, I think I would honestly be okay with having an Miscarriage. Its because I did not know her and had formed Tired little attachment. However, when she was born and I could physically see her, hold her, and hear her.. that was a biiiig game changer. I felt every sense of positive emotion, that was soon shattered at the prospect of adopting her out. If I could choose, Miscarriage would have been the best thing for me.tl;dr: Abortion doesnt give lasting negative effects, if that is 100 percent what the woman wants. Adoption does have lasting negative effects, unless that is 100 percent what the woman wants. ', 'Have you explored the reasons why you feel this way when you get attention from men or happiness? ', 'Hello,Have you explored the possibility of bipolar with anyone? I implore you to seek help and advise from your family doctor, local councilor, psychiatrist, psychologist. I know that what strangers on the internet say may not help you out, but I think talking to someone who is qualified will be of use to you. If not just to listen to you. :) ', 'Definitely bring that up with your psychologist at your next appointment. :) No one is crystal perfect, friend. Everyone needs support at some point in their lives in many different forms. Yours just happened to be small things to help you out physically. Thats okay; there is nothing wrong with needing some assistance. I felt ashamed for a Tired long time that I was depressed, had Anxiety issues over certain things, and the fact that I was not Tired good at many of the things my peers did while I attended school. I was jealous a lot, and that Pain many of my relationships. My pride impacted me so negatively that I became a recluse for many years (and even missed a best friend of mines going away party; I regret that to this day and that was 7 years ago) before I looked back and reflected, and eventually sought treatment. Despite our perceived faults and struggles, we pull through. We acknowledge that we need help sometimes, and we acknowledge that it is okay, healthy, and normal. Youre not a strange person for needing all of that. :)', 'I implore you to call a suicide hotline, friend. I do agree with you: the world is a hurtful place at times. There will always be people who are absurdly negative. There are people who will insult, put people down, demean, offend, betray, lie. But there will always be really, truly, fantastic and astoundingly great people who love, care, uplift, are indiscriminate, understanding, truthful. There are good people. ', 'Will you be charged for the appointment if you decide to cancel with your psychologist? Is a 24+ hour notice efficient?Although your mother went behind your back and decided, along with your psychologist who agreed, to cancel your exams, I am sure that you could call up your school and reinstate your exams on their original and intended dates. To me, deciding things for your therapy without your consent, being present at the time that it was discussed, and going ahead with it all is not at all ethical to me. Talk to your psychologist, explain that you feel you can take the exams, and reschedule for another date. Be assertive, and tell your mother how you feel about this. ', 'I hope that all goes well for both of you.Have courage, dont be afraid to be assertive, and speak what you think and feel. :)', 'If at possible, see a psychiatrist. Your general doctor has an idea about mental health, but it is not their specialty. Psychiatrists are also doctors, so they will know which one will be right for you. Dont be alarmed if they recommend, along with an antidepressant, something that will relax you if you need it, help you sleep, help with Anxiety, et cetera. I am on sertraline (Zoloft), and it is a SSRI. It can go as low as 25mg, all the way to 200mg (or more, if your doctor does see fit. Most likely theyd prescribe a sister drug to accompany it though). Very commonly prescribed, and if you do go on it, has Tired little side effects if any. Word to the wise: always take with food. :)Sorry for the rant, lol. I am a psychology major.', 'You deserve to be happy. You deserve to love and be loved. I highly suggest seeing someone with a strong background in mental health. Although advice may be given on public forums, the best and most accurate and genuine comes from a person talking to you face to face. :) Where do you live? ', 'Do not feel like you need to do this alone.:) There are a lot of professionals who can help you out. I do not recommend seeing a psychiatrist if you are not taking medication(s) for mental health, and instead see a psychologist who are typically more psychotherapy orientated. I feel ya when you were talking about anxieties. They do sick! Dont think that you are alone when it comes down to being afraid when speaking publicly in front of an audience; many people have that fear, and I think it comes down to being afraid of letting the audience down or making mistakes. You are not alone in feeling this way. :) Even if you make a mistake, it is not the end all be all of your presentation or your grades. If you do not have the support of your mom, try speaking to other members of your family. I am sure your relatives will listen. edit: words', 'High five. :) I did that about a month ago. Keep living day by day, and live for you! ', 'And you have every right to be happy. :) Do you have hobbies that you enjoy? I am an amateur aquarist. I do not think you are a disappointment. Surely there are many things in life that you succeed at!There are many things in life my friend that are outside of our control. However, that is not to say everything is hopeless. Being more assertive, and not passive, with what you would like in life is a great step to achieving your own happiness. You can tell your parents what you want from them: someone to talk to, someone to listen, someone to guide, someone to give.You can tell your peers what you want from them: to be there physically for you but not necessarily for socialization (just for company), to lend a hand, to listen to you, guide you, talk to you.You can tell your ex girlfriend what you want from her: to leave you alone, to not be abusive, to get out of your life.', 'I will say this: you are not a horrible person for hating your child. You are not a horrible person for thinking these awful thoughts. I have felt some of the same things you do, OP. And have thought about a lot of Tired negative topics about myself and my child. Ive felt ostracized from many people, fearing they would look down upon me as not only a horrible person, but as a dangerous person as well. Like yourself, I also work in an academic field (psychology) and I worry about many of the same things you have mentioned, namely that women are generally viewed as the main supporter of their children. Its okay feeling concerned about not being able to teach your son lessons in life. I think every parent feels this way. I worry that because I am only 23 that I do not have the life experiences to guide my daughter through life. But I think that is a normal and understandable worry. Are you close to a larger city centre where you can take your child with you? Many people that I have worked with would never disallow people to accompany you. Have you considered that this might also be post postpartum depression? There are people who will help you through this. :)', 'Few key things:- She has to want to go to therapy, and she has to want to follow through with therapy and get healthier. Just going is not enough. You need the willpower to do it. - Show her that you want to understand what she is feeling and thinking. Make an effort to understand her negative thoughts and impulses. - Run it by her CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy)- its a therapy that challenges negative thoughts and anxieties and puts the "I cant" to test; sit down as a couple in therapy as her support, her husband, and a friend. - Discuss if prescription drug therapy has ever crossed her mind, if she has thought about it, considered it. Again with this one, she has to want to do therapy and follow through with it. Understand that medication, if she warrants it, does not make a person weaker. Medication and psychotherapy combined do better than one or the other done alone. - Tell her how you feel, what youre thinking, and what how her actions are negatively impacting you and your life. Not only do you need to understand her, she needs to understand you. - Talk to her about how her toxic habits (smoking and drinking most of the time, secluding herself from her friends and family) are affecting not just you, but her friends and family as well. It might even help if her parents talk to your wife separately and on a different occasion about their concerns that they have of their daughter.Some of these are from my experiences when I was in a deep, dark place, while others were given to me via my boyfriend who was my support, friend, listener, and loved one. You are correct that forcing her to do things will not achieve anything, however, it is not just her feelings that are being poisoned: yours are too. ', 'Im glad that you sought help with your family doctor. If you are not on medication, have you considered it? If you are not currently undertaking psychotherapy, have you thought about it? Talk to your doctor about exploring these possibilities. Psychiatrists and psychologists are excellent people, and they are sworn to confidentiality. It sounds like you are willing and wanting to receive help, you just need a push in the right direction. If there is someone that you can trust (extended family, friend, SO, teacher, et cetera) who can push you out the front door so to speak to get the help you need, ask them. Getting into a perpetual negative loop could also be affecting how you are feeling and thinking. I know that when I was severely depressed, I didnt really care about myself and I let many things slide and become stagnant. My grades and relationships suffered a lot. Since I was stuck in a negative zone, and it kept getting worse, I just thought "what can I do now? Guess I will just let it be...". You know where that goes. Not good. ', 'Hello. :) I live in a small city called Saskatoon in Saskatchewan, Canada. Its fantastic that you do things! I can be an overtly shy person; do you feel the same way too? I find that going to hobby clubs was a great social entry point for me. I love fish, aquariums, and marine life, so I am Tired comfortable talking to people who share the same enthusiasm. Talking about fish, tank set ups, gear, and the hobby in general has allowed me to open up a little bit more each time I go about something other than the hobby. Do you have something similar that you can use as a social outlet?', 'Yes, I understand what you are saying. There probably are lots of people in the world who regret different things, like Miscarriage and adoption. However, I think that a person truly needs to know what they want in the end (for themselves, or babe(s)) or they will continue to regret and let it have a negative impact on them for the rest of their lives. I am not really wanting to debate on ethics; moreso I wanted to discuss that if there is any grain of doubt in a persons mind about their decisions, it will never truly be a positive thing for them in the long run. Whether it be Miscarriage, adoption, or keeping the child, I think all angles must be looked at and all parties need to have 100 percent confidence that the choice they make is what they really want.', 'Hey dude, I know the feels about medication and medication adjustments. :) Like you I had mine tweaked over the course of 4 months from a baby step dose of 25mg sertraline to 200mg present day. I can tell you that the road to a successful medication routine does not fall in place super quick. I recognize that you are still a growing teen, and the possibility that you are not on a higher dose could be because of the age reason. However, have you spoken to or seen a psychiatrist? Generally they have more knowledge about psychotherapeutic medications than your general practitioner. Maybe that is a good first step to a stable dose. That being said, perhaps doing some psychotherapy would be a good companion to medication. :) I am a psychologist, with melancholic depressive disorder, and I find it Tired helpful to do psychotherapy and medication. I thought I could just CBT my way out of my depression, but unfortunately and ironically that was not the case. I understand that you are looking at life in a bleak state. But I impress that there is a lot to experience in the world! There are new relationships to make, new places to visit, and new and fascinating hobbies and careers to pursue! You can make it through this.', 'Yeah, I know the feels. :( Doesnt Pain to try, and see if you like it. You could always leave if its not your cup of tea. If I do something new, I go and check it out for a few minutes and see if its something I want. Sometimes I feel compelled to stay the entire time because thoughts in my head justify that I will be judged, looked down on, not feel accomplished because I left early, etc. But good news! You dont have to stay the entire time. :)Everyone deserves to feel good! You are no exception! ', 'You can survive this. You do deserve happiness, to love, care, be loved, and be cared for. Is it a possibility that you can go over to your girlfriends house tonight and spend the night with her? Someone who can empathize and be a focal point for you to talk to. Have you considered a new therapist? Your current one does not seem to care as you have said above. I think a fresh face would be a positive thing to consider.hugs* ', 'Hmm. If you can afford it, or have the support of people who can help you out and/or pay for it, private practicing psychiatrists are usually the option that a lot of people in my area go. Like you said, there is a huge waiting list (I had to wait 4 months, and said "nope". Went private) and I am not sure if this is true with your health care or not, but a lot of psychiatrists/psychologists have so many patients (and not enough professionals), that you usually just get brief therapy, referrals, and they dont often follow through all the way with treatment. I live in Canada, by the way. You can talk to your general practitioner about possibly referring you for quicker treatment. Psychiatrists, doctors, psychologists, and other health professionals are sworn for confidentiality unless there is a reason where you may pose a risk to someone else (child abuse, murder, et cetera) or you have been a victim of a serious crime. Usually before psychs prescribe medication, they make sure that you actually need it, whether it will be beneficial, or whether the benefits outweigh the negatives (for example if you have health issues that are effected by antidepressants; pregnancy comes to mind). I dont think they will label you as a drug seeker. Many drugs that are long term prescribed are not addictive, and if they did sell a drug that could be abused it would be in small amounts, in a Tired small prescription (Ativan sublingual at 5mg, 10 capsules in each prescription bottle) to prevent abuse either by user or for monetary gain. Psycho therapeutic medications have no effects on most Pain killers. An exception is tricyclic antidepressants (TCAs) with can suppress some local anesthesia (for dental work or other minor surgery).	2	Ideation
Please dont harm yourself. Maybe the reason you need to tell someone is because theres a connection missing. Can you just tell your boyfriend you need to watch tv with him tonight? Being in his company doesnt mean you have to unload on him. Is it enough just to be with him for tonight, and face tomorrow when it comes?Please, dont harm yourself. There are people who care about you.', 'University, believe it or not, is the worst time to make conclusions about what the rest of your life should be. And you have a whole life ahead of you to sort out romantic relationships. Depression stalks university campuses like a demon, but its your brain lying to you. Please dont believe those lies. Please talk to someone. I cannot promise you that tomorrow will be better, that would be foolish - but you will not feel like this forever.', 'Well, you know youre going to have rough patches and terrible, overwhelming emotions. I mean, you know yourself, you know youre having a hard time right now. So can you plan some sort of response when you recognize those emotions coming? When I was struggling, Id walk to a 24h cafe around the corner, get a cup of decaf and a sweet roll, and do a crossword. It didnt solve anything major, but it got me the distance from desperate and despairing to bummed and coping, and more importantly, I knew that it would get me the distance. Having a plan made a huge difference.', 'I think that you have to be a lot more out there than you sound to be involuntarily committed. If you speak plainly about that Fear to your counselor, and openly about what youre feeling and the way you want to feel, youll be on the right track, and they wont commit you. Let me put it another way. The people who voluntarily go to counseling dont end up involuntarily committed. Thats saved for the people who dont go to counseling, who dont leave their rooms, or who dont obey the authorities, etc...', 'Well, the other people are wrong and your counselor is an idiot. Your counselor is meant to throw you a lifeline, not stand on the shore and shout swimming lessons.If you had diabetes, would they say You should not need so much insulin?You feel the way you do. It doesnt have to define you, but you dont have to deny it, either.Its not your fault. Its. Not. Your. Fault.', 'Please dont end your life. Prove to your family that theyre wrong.', 'You are making good sense, realizing what youre afraid of and thinking through to a solution you can tolerate. For completely different reasons I myself spent 8 hours in an emergency room yesterday. I get that its shit.It sounds like you know what you have to do - go to a hospital.You can tell them why youre there. You can tell them about the Ativan, you can tell them what makes you Anxiety about being there and they will understand and work with that. Tell them you want to co-operate with them and take their advice. It actually makes their job a lot easier when you do. I just think that if you go to a hospital now, you will be doing something to help yourself, which in and of itself will make you feel better. If you just sit around and wait for Monday, you wont be helping yourself, youll just be prolonging your suffering. I know that being in an ER is awful, but you have to remind yourself over and over again why youre there, and that the bullshit going on around you on the other stretchers is Not. Your. Problem.And bring headphones and relaxing music if you can. And a couple of sandwiches. :)', 'Never is a lie your Illness tells you in your Asthenia moments. But its still a lie. You will not feel like this forever, you will not be broken forever. You are going to counseling, you are writing, you are trying. It will work - it may not work as fast as you hope, but it will work.And someone will see the strength it takes to keep trying, and they will fall in love with that strength. Youll be loved for all the things about you that are mended and whole.You deserve to feel better than this. Im sorry youre feeling this way right now. But you are so much more, so much better than the way you feel in this moment.', 'You could go for a walk after breakfast tomorrow. Do one small thing that didnt seem lazy. ', 'Heh. I get stabbing pains. Times like that I remember Bruce Willis in Sin City and try to feel badass. ', 'Im sorry to hear that youre hurting. Im chronically ill too - Ive been off work since June. Please dont harm yourself. Tell us whats going on.', 'The creepshotting sounds like its not really doing you any favours - making you feel worse about yourself, because youre doing something that you know deep down is wrong. Objectively, photographing these women without their consent is wrong. Try leaving your phone at home for the day. I mean, in a real emergency, someone else will have a phone. Most importantly, this is highschool. It doesnt define your life, and it will not always be like this.', 'Is there a music store close to where you live? They usually have sign-up boards for people looking to form bands, and perhaps someone can help fix your guitar... You could even make an ad for yourself, that youre looking to join. List influences, and some ridiculous stuff that you can be counted on to do/not do when you make it big, e.g. You can be counted on to wreck a hotel room only after the second album goes platinum, etc.', 'Hey there. First of all, 18K and college-age Depression, while a real problem, is not worth ending your life over. I promise, this hole is not so deep you cant dig yourself out of it.Im a project manager for a Tired large software company. I know a lot of CS grads (or people who tried to become CS grads and got lost along the way.) Believe it or not, theres a type of intelligent Loss of motivation which is a huge asset to the industry, as it reduces waste. I know that doesnt help you now, but it will help you when you get to your career.Perhaps you need to take a year off and work at McDonalds or something to give yourself the wakeup call that you need to push yourself to your degree.You have all kinds of options. If the counselor didnt work out, request a different counselor. Do that in the morning. For now, read a book, eat something, and get some sleep. This is not the nightmare it might look like right now.', 'You need sleep. These are issues for daylight. ', 'Who is therapy for, if not for the people who want to end their lives?Your mom may seem like shes never happy with you, but shes happier with you alive than dead. And you cant just erase yourself from peoples lives. If you kill yourself, you leave a gaping wound in the lives of all the people who cant be there for you anymore.', 'Okay, lots here and Im not sure my answer will be complete, but it sounds like your GF has been helping you stay grounded even if your relationship is far from perfect. My suggestion is that for a while, a week, maybe a month, just put any and all relationship expectations aside, and just look after each other. When she comes over, smile at her, ask if you can make her some scrambled eggs and give her a hug. Perhaps later she can throw a frozen pizza in the oven for you. You dont have to be an adonis. You dont need to be solving every single problem in each others lives. Just watch some tv and give the other person a soft spot to land. Start there.The problems and issues you are facing are bigger than a partner can help you get through. She can offer support, but shes not the solution. Youre not her solution, either. But in some ways, and this is only my opinion, mind - you could consider not trying to solve the rest of your life, but rather, just solve tomorrow. Manage that.Please dont harm yourself.', 'please dont. Youve already been through so much... Yes, the fight is fucking hard, no lie. But if you keep fighting, you will rise above this bullshit and see daylight again. Depression ends. Kick back at it and dont give up, theres more to you than that.', 'Slow down. Write out whats wrong, slowly and carefully, and show your parents.', 'What happened?', 'Whoa. Please keep in mind that when your mom threatens to kill herself, she is trying to exert control over you by threatening to kill someone you care about. Shes using a threat of violence in an attempt to manipulate you. Of course you cant let her do that. I would suggest talking to a counselor about it, perhaps asking your mom to join you to talk to a family counselor. But its not up to you to bail out your mom at the expense of your own future, and a healthy parent would never, ever let you do that, anyways.', 'Sometimes, rather than thinking about what youre going to do with the life ahead of you, could you just decide on a couple of things youre going to enjoy about tomorrow? Sometimes we just need to take life in manageable sized pieces.You can make it through this - Im glad youve decided not to harm yourself.', 'Please dont end your life. PTSD doesnt deserve to win. Call a hotline, do something else. There are better days, better moments to live for.Theres ice cream you havent tried.', 'Umm, I guess I dont understand. Pardon me if this sounds harsh, (Im sure that it will, Im really sorry) but how do you reconcile having a relationship with him and your decision to end your life? If it were me I dont see how I could avoid taking that as a rejection, and a brutal one at that. I mean, in this scenario, one of the things youre saying is that you never want to see him again.\r\rAlso, have you considered that your suicide is a decision to kill someone he cares about?', 'Dude, you did everything right. You gave it your all. Her failings, her infidelity - these are things wrong with her, not with you.You deserve better than this. But better days than this will come your way. But until better days come, youll have to make do with just being the better man. And you are the better man, regardless of what the faithless bastards of the world think.', 'This is not the end. Maybe the way out is slow and Pain, but when you get there, youll know you made it. Ive been homeless in a strange city, and I climbed back. You can too.', 'Heh - I never made the connection, but yeah, a good walk does me a lot of good.I think I made the username around when I got some bad news last year. I just made up my mind to keep putting one foot in front of the other until things looked better.', 'Please talk to someone. You dont have to say much when you call a hotline. Even start by saying Hi. Im having a hard time. I wrote a post on reddit which explains what Im thinking. Can I read you what I wrote? and then just read what you wrote above, to them. Read them my response, the whole conversation if you want. Then, just listen to them, answer their questions, and tell them you dont want to feel like this anymore. Everyone thinks that nobody will understand - but the reason there are hotlines is because there are people who do understand. There is help if you ask.Please, dont harm yourself tonight.', 'Could you even plan a couple of days, say the 29th-30th, where youd just have some time to watch some movies, eat some wings, and relax? You need to give yourself something positive to look forward to.', 'I dont know what to say to you, except that your daily choice not to give into your disorder is a choice to live with dignity, and I respect you for that.', 'So, take her without insurance. Have the doctor write a letter to the parents, asking for their help. Medical Letterhead carries a lot of weight.', 'Well, Im not going to try and pawn off some trite cliche to make you feel better. I know that your issues are real. I just think you sound like youre only seeing the negative sides of everything, and that you may be experiencing a cognitive distortion - something that comes with Depression. You may have stopped caring for the most part but you posted something here, some part of you still cares, still wants to be taken care of. I mean, its reddit. Youre not gonna find a miracle here. But please talk to someone, check in with someone and see if the way youre viewing things is completely accurate.', 'Why do you think hed try to stop it, if he understands?', 'Write something on paper and give it to him. It might be easier than talking about it. ask for a hug because youre hurting. Hes your boyfriend. He cant save your life, but he wants to take care of you.Hes also a guy, so he might be a bit thick. :D ', 'Youve got your plans. Can you make a list of other thoughts that might strengthen your desire to live?', 'Heh. I like that perspective. Live to justify the work your heart is doing.', 'Hey now. Youve come through too much to end it like this. And I think your wife would have an easier time dealing with your gender issues than dealing with your suicide. Talk to her, talk to someone. You care too much about others (as shown by your service and your marriage) to take the easy way out.', 'WHOA.You did not choose the sexual assault and it was not in any way your fault. Do not believe that lie. Just because you may have allowed yourself to become vulnerable does not make you responsible for someone elses decision to take advantage of that vulnerability.It is not your fault. It was never your fault. You did not do anything to deserve that.At the hospital they will try to help. Isnt that better than where you are now? Please dont Pain yourself. You deserve better. Youre worth so much more than that. ', 'Please dont. Tell us whats going on.', 'Yes, but the cats you left behind wouldnt understand. Can you talk to a social worker? There are better options than killing yourself. The reason your mom cant deal with it anymore is because she cares about you. What is your Illness that keeps you going back to the hospital?', 'Cool enough. Go to sleep, I gotta do the same.', '1. Im a Catholic, and I dont think you living your life is a sin. Im sorry to hear that your father views things that way, but your father is wrong, flat-out wrong.2. Your transition puts a lot of Stress on you, such that I must presume you have some sort of counselor. Failing that, there must be a LGBT resource center or something where you could at least find someone to talk to. Your problems are real and they are difficult, but they are not unique. You are a good person, and the troubles that happen are there by dumb chance, you dont deserve this. Throw your anger, your grief and your past into the waters, but keep your Oedema of extremity on the shore, for the sake of the people who may need you tomorrow, and for the sake of the joy youve yet to feel.', 'Please dont. At 18 life is always a terrible battle. But its worth the fight. Where does all your money go? Are you deep in debt, paying interest? Do you have support commitments?', 'Okay. Well, if youll permit the wild understatement of the obvious, you have a lot going on there.What are you doing to get help about this? Are you talking to a counselor or a doctor? Because what you describe makes it sound like you need to meet these mental issues on five fronts: Diet, Exercise, Medication, Counseling and Psychiatry. You dont have to set up everything at once, but you do need to shift your focus away from what your brain is saying to you, and towards what you are doing to speak back to and control your brain.Dont give up. ', 'Sorry - two years ago I was in the hospital and it took me 6 months to go back to work. Heart troubles.What is your family saying?', 'Why do you say that?', 'No problem. Youre not alone.', 'Please dont. Youre stronger than that.', 'Slow Down. Hes not deployed yet. You have made it this far, you will make it through this.', 'Okay, first off, there are hotlines you really should call if youre Worried youre going to Pain yourself. Heres the link:http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlinesSecond, the fact that she did this is in no way your fault. Its not your fault that she made that terrible mistake. You should definitely talk to someone about this - between her death and whats happening with your dad, you really do need some proper outside help, more than reddit can offer.', 'here as well. Can text you if youd prefer.', 'If youve got Lupus erythematosus then youre likely on prednisone? You know that stuff messes with your head, right? Please just get some sleep and message me in the morning. If I lived in the same city as you Id meet you at Dennys, because nothing really gets worse on the other side of a Lumberjack Slam.', 'Goodnight. Well be around tomorrow. Im glad youre alive.', 'Well, you can tell them youve thought of it but that youve decided not to harm yourself. But you have to be honest about that. If you talk openly with the counselor they can help more. It wont make things worse, you wont lose your freedom.', 'Youre strong enough for the move. There will be times that youre not enjoying it, and it wont solve all your problems. But youre certainly strong enough.', 'Hold on there. First off, please dont do anything to harm yourself. Second, its fine to have a gun but is there any way you could remove the ammunition from your possession? Just to be safe, so that you dont do something regrettable on impulse. It sounds like you have a level head on your shoulders - dont make a mistake on an impulse, take the steps to protect yourself.If youve been diagnosed with major depressive disorder then you know that your feelings are lying to you about your circumstances. Is there any way you can train yourself to draw again, to overcome the negative thought patterns? Can you start by choosing the time of day when you know youre at your best, and then just draw something small and simple that youre happy with? Do that once, and then build on it?Youre going to have bad days. Probably a lot of them. But if youve got talent, and it sounds as though you do, then maybe you can stretch the good days into something worth more than the bad days. Please, please dont harm yourself.', 'That is, in fact, the only thing that ends a relationship, when someone doesnt want to make it work anymore. And when you realize that they dont want to, then its just over. The decent thing to do, the healthy thing to do, is to wish them well, and move on. Maybe this broke your heart, but you know what she didnt do? She didnt waste your time. Because your heart can mend, but you cant get your time back. ', 'Please call 911 now and tell them exactly what you took. It will make things much easier. Your family/friends who left you alone will feel better if you take the steps to look after yourself.', 'Loneliness and Feeling unhappy arent the only things the future holds.Get some sleep tonight, tomorrow, eat a good breakfast and just go for a walk. You dont have to change your life. Just change your morning.', 'Well, one thing at a time. What would help you to make it through until Monday? Dont try and solve all of your problems right now. If you dont think youre going to make it until Monday, could you go to an emergency room? (I know they seem awful, but they are full of people trying to help as much as they can) ', 'Heh. Part of my job is to hire and manage CS Majors. The people who flunk out, take some time and go back always make better employees, because theyve seen a few things other than a courseload and theyre more well-rounded.Have you looked at Agile Software Development? It wont fix your brain tonight, but its interesting and I know I need more people who get it.', '> When I am alone, I get things done but think about killing myself.This may seem like a really dumb, dumb question, but this is what sprang to mind:When youre working by yourself, do you listen to music? I used to ruminate when I was alone, my mind would go round and round in Pain circles. Standing at the sink getting dishes done would bring on mental anguish for no reason. But then I started putting together playlists of music I liked, and honestly, it was like candy for my brain. Instead of ruminating, I groove. Its better.I dont hold this up as a complete solution, just a helpful suggestion, and to let you know youre being heard. Dont give up.', 'Im sorry youre feeling like this. I have all this advise for you but I imagine you get lots of it. Just remember that youre a good person, and that the things you want arent bad. Perhaps your girlfriend is just as fragile as you are, but she hides it behind anger.', '...sometimes people just dont know what to say. But yeah, I scroll through looking for posts with no comments, trying to say something. The worst thing to think of is someone sitting there on the edge, trying to find some shred of encouragement here and being met only with silence.But hey, thats the double-edged sword that is internet anonymity. Nobody is real, so nobody has to care.', 'Can you call a hotline and explain this to them? This is bigger than reddit can handle.What you describe to me doesnt sound like you gave consent at all - it sounds like you were assaulted. You said stop - that isnt consent. Being scared into silence isnt the same as giving consent. The man who did that was wrong. You werent wrong.Im sorry for making you describe it. Im not trying to make you feel worse. I just dont want you to feel like this is your fault, because it so clearly isnt. You deserve to live without feeling like that. You deserve to be happy.', 'Is there someone consistent you can reach out to online? Is there a hotline youd try calling? Is there any sort of list of things you can promise yourself youll do before you decide to end your life?', 'Heres what you should do.Go see a doctor, show him this letter. Discuss with him the idea of dropping down to a partial course load rather than full-time. Then, find out what counseling your school offers.And go to counseling. You might find encouragement here on Reddit, but you wont find solutions. Solutions will take work. But in the end, you will feel stronger for having found them. Its worth the struggle. Your circumstances do not define you.', 'My friend, its late where I am and I have to go to sleep, Im falling asleep at my keyboard here. Can we follow up tomorrow? ', 'Okay, slow down. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone says things in the heat of the moment. It happens.Whats the situation now?Do you think you could go to your wife and tell her that despite your Depression and what youve been thinking, you arent going to kill yourself, and youre going to devote yourself to being the husband and father youve promised her youll be? Can you do that? Youre allowed to have dark thoughts. You just need to have the confidence to overcome them, and your wife is entitled to that confidence, too.', 'Well, you cant be blamed for not knowing the answer to that one just yet. If you could do anything tomorrow, what would you do?', 'One way to avoid the drama is to decide for yourself that there doesnt need to be any, and then communicate that. Even simply saying I am not going to harm myself to a hotline person, is enough to get their finger off the panic button so that they can just talk.', 'No problem. I have to call it a night, so goodnight. Thanks for letting me end my evening on a more positive note. Hearing someone say I can make it through this is a big encouragement to a lot of people.Goodnight, keep up the good fight.', 'You know, she admits that she cheated. Nobody is perfect, but someone who knows their faults and admits them, thats actually kind of rare. Ask her if shed ever cheat again, as you have a bit of an interest. If you believe what shes said so far, I think that you could believe her answer. Give her permission to come to you and admit that she wants to cheat if she finds that she does. Nobody gets perfection, but honesty such as shes claimed so far is rare. ', 'Thats your Illness lying to you. The truth is it gets a little better with every good choice you make.', 'If she doesnt want to try, then the ingredients arent there. You cant make a person feel something they dont feel. What makes you think it would work, when you know that she doesnt want to make it work?', 'Youre part of a family. You have a wife, at least. Remember when you talk about ending your life youre talking about killing the most important person in her life.', 'Well, right now Im just text on a screen. Someones voice can be far more effective at conveying concern and empathy. I mean, I really dont want you to do anything to harm yourself. You would believe that a great deal more, however, if you could hear it in my voice. And Im just some guy, I dont even know the right things to say.', 'Please flush the heroin down the john. You dont have to be strong enough for tomorrow, not for next week. Just be strong enough to flush the heroin away. Start there.', '1. Its been said before in this thread: You are not your father.2. Get some sleep, eat a good meal and go for a walk in some sunshine. All of those things will have an effect on your brain, that will let you level out and see things more clearly.3. Tell your mom you need to talk to a counselor and ask for her help setting it up.', 'Please dont harm yourself. Is there something you can do thats outside yourself this holiday season? Is there a place you could volunteer, like a soup kitchen or something? Sometimes the way around our own problems is to look after others for a while. (Hence Im writing this to you...) ', 'Example? Not sure I understand the type of post you mean.', 'Have you tried calling a suicide hotline? Because if youve got to listen to voices anyways, you might as well hear some from real people who want to help.', 'Please dont do this. You have people who love you.', 'No no - dont draw conclusions based on incomplete information. Yes, they would try to talk you out of it, but the conversation doesnt end there. You work with them to make a plan to make tomorrow different. You want to break this cycle. Theyre there to help you figure out how to break the cycle, not just talk you out of things.', 'Im sorry to hear this is going on. Ive been off work since June myself with a chronic Illness - its hard for me to climb the stairs in my house now. Im trying new medications. I have to get better to look after my children. Im not trying to say I have it as bad as you - you sound like youre in a lot of Pain, and a lot of Stress. I just wanted you to know that I get it. Please keep fighting, dont give up. This story can end as your great victory, something you fought for and something that makes every day sweeter. When I recover Im going to take my family to the mountains and go hiking. What do you want to do when you get past this?', 'Please dont Pain yourself without talking (voice) to a support line. ', 'I dunno. It sounds to me like youre setting yourself up for failure with a schedule like that. What do you do to distract yourself, aside from reddit?', 'Please dont. ', 'What youve just described sounds like textbook clinical Depression. Im not a doctor so I cant diagnose that for a fact. But what I do know is that when you have clinical Depression, your brain is telling you lies to get you to Pain yourself. You sound as though you have been believing these lies for a long time. And yes, when youre clinically Depression, every day seems like a misery. But thats not the truth, thats only what your brain is telling you. Please talk to someone and ask them about what really is true in your life, dont assume to know it. Your brain is lying to you on this one.', 'Slow down. You are worth more to your parents than the money they spend. Perhaps youre struggling to make the most of the opportunities they provide, but that doesnt make you worthless. That makes you human. It sounds like you care about your parents, and what they think. Please talk to them, or talk to someone.', 'I know youd rather have some certainty, but from what you describe, it sounds like youll never have the whole story. You simply have to let this go, and accept that some answers arent given to us.', 'Okay, have you talked to your family about where youre at? I mean, your situation is why families exist.I see your post about PTSD/ Major depressive disorder. Those things are real. This mess isnt your fault. Its okay to ask for help. I know - right now I have a heart condition that has me bedridden. Ive missed the last month of work and am waiting for them to fire me. Im only 40, and I have a 19 month old son with Down syndrome. I get through by asking for help.', 'Youre not disgusting. I understand that you feel wrong and disgusting but your feelings are lying to you. What you describe sounds exhausting, it also sounds like you should talk to someone. Is there a teacher you trust (You sound student-aged) or a counselor? Could you start by calling an anonymous hotline?', 'Please speak to a counselor. The way you describe your thoughts speaks to a mental Illness - Depression, at least. But this is reddit and Im of course not a doctor. If you do get diagnosed with a mental Illness, or if you have been already, remember that its an Illness. You wouldnt tell a Diabetes mellitus to shake it off or someone with polio that there are lots of people who have it worse, so they should just walk already. Dont be hard on yourself because youre not well.You have a family, there are people who would miss you. Please dont do anything Rash - reach out and talk to somoene.', 'I wish I could wash your past away with kind words, but we both know that isnt how it works. You need to work through it - but working through it doesnt have to be miserable, and it doesnt have to happen today.I have a lot of Pain too - I have to take Dilaudid most days. I make jokes about it with my friends, send them texts telling them when Im taking it, telling them about how Im getting stoned. Its a farce. I never get high, I just get some small respite for an hour or so. Nobody ever has time to be Illness. My son has Down syndrome and all the extra care he needs Falls on my wife now. I get where youre coming from about not catching a break. My wife works so hard and I can do so little to help.Do you know anything about your condition? One of the things I did was educate myself and start asking for different tests. Now when I go to the emergency room I essentially talk to the doctors like most people talk to waiters. "Heres what Im here to find out, so Id like a bedside ultrasound if you can, and I know youre doing bloodwork so lets check my CRP while youre looking at troponin levels, that should tell you if this is the real deal or not... now for Pain management, Ill have a..."Going in armed with a little knowledge, as long as youre polite, will get you a lot farther. Your symptoms sound like some sort of autoimmune disorder. Are you on prednisone? I dont recommend it (For one thing, Im not a doctor, Im a schmuck on reddit) but if you are on prednisone you should know it can play merry hell with your emotions.', 'It sounds to me like they dont know what to say. That doesnt mean they dont care. what would you want the next 6 months to look like?', 'I dont know... do you want feedback on this or not?', 'Do you want to quit the drug? Do you want to get out of the pit youre in?', 'On a serious note: Please seek help. Talk to someone. You sound angry, which suggests that theres still things you care about. Please talk to someone professional.On a lighter note: (pardon me for being light-hearted) Dont focus on whats wrong all the time. Possibly somewhere nearby to you theres a place where you can get really good tacos. Find those tacos, man.', 'You need to get her help. Take her to a doctor yourself. This is bigger than just you.', 'Look. When you got married you gave your life to her. You bound yourself to her. You promised to love her, and she the same to you. Telling her is honoring that bond. Killing yourself is breaking it in the most selfish way possible. And when youre gone, I assure you, shed want you to have spoken to her instead of ending your life.Perhaps it drastically changes your relationship with her. Possibly ending your marriage. But again, you are hers - you owe it to her to talk about this. Dont take the selfish way out.', 'I really dont think your view right now is accurate. Please dont make a decision based on the way things look right now, your brain is playing tricks on you. Please talk to someone, show them that post. You need help, not an escape.', 'Youre not bothering us. We want to help.', 'Please dont harm yourself. I dont claim to have answers, Im not out to get you. Please, dont harm yourself.', 'Im sorry youre not getting the kind of calm, reassuring care that would help you work through this. What you write about sex and breakfast shows me that you, at one time, wanted to enjoy your life. Why wouldnt you seek to get back to that place?', 'Fair enou	1	Indicator
Fuck other peoples idea of pathetic. You have a right to live. You also have a right to be pissed off. Im serious. You dont owe humanity anything. Nobody asked you if you wanted to be born. Mother Teresa wasnt well known for her employment. Killing yourself doesnt solve the problem. Move to Uruguay and live off the grid.', 'Hey girl, life goes on. Im 26. I was raped when I was 15. Im in no way shape or form trying to say that you dont have a reason to be pissed off at your ex. Yell and scream and hit the wall if it makes you feel better. But understand this: it will get better. I wish so badly when I was your age that someone could have told me that life goes on. It wont all be bad. Message me if you need to talk about anything.', 'Im 26, a Tired objectively attractive female, healthy, ridiculously intelligent, wealthy, etc. I also suffer from major depressive disorder. I know what its like to be Suicidal and not know why. I used to blame myself. That I was just pathetic. Listen to me: you arent pathetic. Would you blame someone for having Diabetes mellitus? Depression is just a disorder of the brain, just like Diabetes mellitus is a disorder of the pancreas. Its curable. You can feel better. Its not your fault.', 'I know youre posting here because you dont really want to die. You want someone to say "I understand." I dont want to make the assumption that I really understand, but know that there are people out there who genuinely do care.Ive been put in really shitty situations. I was raped when I was 4 years old. My mother blew her brains out. Seriously, if you want to vent about anything, just message me. I will listen, no matter what.', 'Have you ever been to Disney world?', 'Theres no such thing as normal. Have you ever tried antidepressants? Please understand that your brain is an organ just like your thyroid or liver or colon or pituitary gland. Its extremely possible that you have a disorder wherein your brain doesnt produce enough serotonin. I used to feel absolutely terrible before I started taking Prozac. It regulates my serotonin levels. Its the same thing as a Diabetes mellitus taking insulin. It costs $4 for a months supply at Walmart. Why not give it a try?	2	Ideation
Dont look to reddit to solve your problems. Oh, and dont kill yourself either. Seriously.	0	Supportive
I can relate to so much of what you have posted. Im also Bipolar Disorder (type 1), Im recovering from an alcohol Drug craving and I still struggle with an eating disorder.I wanted to tell you that you are not a Depressed mood person. Youre just a person who has been dealt a Depressed mood hand, Hyperactive behavior a lot of us. Im not going to tell you that youll wake up tomorrow and things will magically be better. If you want to move far away and start a new life, then do it. It may be the thing you need to start feeling better. Find a new therapist. Finding the therapist that is right for you is very much Hyperactive behavior car shopping. It may take a few tries before you find a good one. Anyway, Im starting to ramble on. Good luck OP. ', 'Ive also used 741-741 OP. You get a real person, and theyre supposed to be real counselors. ', 'Im also here if you need someone to talk to. I know how Mental Depression can be. Its rough. Feel free to bend my ear. ', 'Iraq vet here. Man, Im not going to lie and say I know exactly what youre going through. But, I know its tough. It takes so long to get back to some semblance of what we want to be, who we want to be. It seems Hyperactive behavior it takes forever. Have you contacted the VFW? The VA? Local veterans crisis groups? There are so many resources out there for us. It sounds Hyperactive behavior you may benefit from therapy. At the very least it can give you a place to vent your Anger and frustration. You can PM me anytime if you want to talk. ', 'It doesnt make you an awful person. In the end, you know whats best for yourself. Im just offering suggestions, things to think about. ', 'I have no family. Both parents are dead, but they stepped out of my life when I was 16 by sending me to the US to live with an aunt here. My twin sister committed Suicide last year and I havent had much contact with my brothers. My aunt has also passed away. So its just me, myself and I. ', 'Im also willing to lend an ear if you need. ', 'I honestly couldnt tell you. Im not the greatest at making and maintaining relationships. The only thing I can say is, the people who truly care and want to be in your life, will stick around no matter what you throw at them. ', 'Ive talked to you on here before, probably on a long gone throw away account, and Ive often caught myself wondering how you have been doing. Im still open to talk to you, if youd Hyperactive behavior. Sometimes, talking it out can help ease the pain.', 'I thought I was the only one who did this. Im fine in the morning and early afternoon, as soon as evening approaches I start to notice a build up of Anxiety energy. I absolutely hate night time. ', 'I was the same way. It got better. Give it a few weeks. I went from 50mg to 150mg after a couple of months because I couldnt Hypersomnia after adjusting to the lower dose. Try taking it a little earlier, that helped me. I found if I took it too late, the Somnolence feeling would be worse in the mornings. ', 'Im glad youre taking steps to get better. Itll be a long road, sometimes its going to feel Hyperactive behavior you arent making progress, others itll feel Hyperactive behavior youre taking steps backwards. Remember though, when that happens, it doesnt Irritable Mood that that the progress you have made didnt happen. ', 'Ill still talk to you. ', 'I read your story and honestly, I could have written it. Nearly word for word. Several car accidents that should have been the death of me over a years time, sexually abused by my own father, debt up to my eyeballs from medical/school/everyone holding their hands out, gimme gimme gimme. God, the break ups. People who you love, who should be there for you after youve stood by their side through it all. Yeah. Its tough. Its enough to break some people. But, youre still here. Youre not broken. It feels Hyperactive behavior it, it feels Hyperactive behavior the world couldnt shit on you anymore than it already has, right? Well, Im not going to lie, it probably can. The thing is, there are people who actually do care. We want you to get better, we want to be your friend, we want to be here for you and listen whenever you need to talk, vent, laugh, whatever. You want a bright side? Its getting up everyday, putting on your clothes, and telling the world to bring it. Because you can take whatever it throws at you. And youll come out stronger because of it. Youve already been through all of that and survived. Youre a survivor. Im always around if you need someone to talk to. Feel free.', 'Thank you. ', 'There are different resources for you. Rainn being one. I believe they have a 24 hour hotline that you can call. If you havent already washed your clothes/showered, go to the hospital. Take your clothes with you that you were wearing that day, in a PAPER BAG. Get a kit done, press charges. There is also a sub here, /r/rapecounseling. You can post over there for support if you need. Right now, know that this is not your fault. You may feel ashamed, frightened, angry, any number of emotions and they are all normal. Get yourself some counseling, surround yourself with caring, supportive people. You will be okay. You will get through this. Im around a lot if you need someone to talk to who has been where you are. Im sorry I couldnt really link any resources, Im on my mobile. Also, check to see if you have a sexual assault crisis center near you. You might be able to get some free services through them. Good luck, lady. ', 'Do about what? ', 'Healing is a journey, not a destination. Sometimes, it feels Hyperactive behavior youre making great progress, only to get brought down again. Doesnt Irritable Mood that the progress that you made didnt happen. We learn and grow and adapt from our experiences. Its okay to feel overwhelmed by everything. Lord knows, I have at several points in my life. I know how you feel when you say you feel Hyperactive behavior you are only what you can do for or give to other people. Ive had a hard time with this but, Ive made it a point to cut those types of people out of my life. Ive come to the conclusion that there are two types of "love". The type where people love you because they need you, and the type where they need you because they love you. Its the former that you want to avoid. Take some time for yourself, be gentle and understanding and lenient with yourself. Healing is a long, hard road that we have to walk. Youre not crazy, youre not broken, youre not a burden. Youre a person and you deserve the same type of care and love that everyone does.', 'It was just an offer if he didnt want to share some things publicly. Vets can be very private people, some things are only shared with other vets, people who know how they feel and what they went through. Sometimes, people who have never served just cant understand. I got it though, thanks for bringing it up. ', 'I can relate. At least when Im Depressed mood I feel something that doesnt feel completely fake. Im sober too, 5 months. It only seems to get harder. ', 'Seroquel also gave me dyskinesia. It got so bad at night I could barely fall asleep. Since then, Ive switched meds and its stopped for the most part. ', 'Youve been trying, thats what matters. You dont have to be sorry for still being here. Youre reaching out for help and thats telling us that you still have the will to live.', 'Thanks. I appreciate it. ', 'Try /r/assistance. Good luck. I hope everything works out for you.', 'The first one really hits home for me. I feel Hyperactive behavior I died a year ago, and this body is just whats left, still trying to pick up the pieces since my diagnosis. ', 'Im going to suggest you reach out to rainn. Www.rainn.org they can offer you some guidance here. What he did was rape. You did not deserve that, you did nothing wrong, its not your fault. Please reach out to someone. Consider therapy maybe. If you just feel Hyperactive behavior you want to rant and vent about it, my inbox is always open. I know what youre going through. Im so sorry this happened to you, but it doesnt have to ruin you. Youre a survivor. ', 'I didnt want to stop drinking either. I had to make the choice to move on from being a drunk/manic/depressive mess and be a happier, healthier, sober me. Its hard. Im still working on the happiness part. Im positive it will come. There are other things you can do to bond with your dad. Find a good hobby you can share, go catch a game, go fishing, whatever. As far as the dealing with people part goes... Yeah... Lol I dont have any advice that could be good with dealing with that. Please do ask about a new therapist. Once you find the right one, it will help immensely. And, if you feel Hyperactive behavior you have to, take some time off school. Do a little self care. School will always be there. ', '/r/rapecounseling is a good sub. I know how you feel. I plotted the murder of my abuser every day until he finally killed himself. Id go so far as to say its a relatively "normal" feeling. Either way, maybe a therapist could help you. Sometimes just talking things out, getting those feeling out there, can make you feel so much better. It gets some of the venom out.	2	Ideation
This place cant cause Mental Depression if you dont have Mental Depression. It will make you sad.If you do have Mental Depression, it ~~may~~ ~~probably~~ will trigger it.', 'ty sir. I will keep this in my thoughts.', 'Just imagine that, but without the girlfriend.Now you have my life.', 'I dont know then, maybe Im just selfish for wanting a Drug abuse over a low.', 'A few of those', 'I only seem to exercise when Im not low...I just cant bring myself to get out of my chair or bed and exercise, I just dont have the energy.', 'I woke up, took a shower, put on decent clothes, and Ive had suicidal thoughts and Sad mood all day.', 'I have friends that want me to come out and do stuff, but I just cant. It just sucks.', 'Depression is me.', 'Im in a low but Im pretty sure its waning. Ill give it a few more days - a week until Im hypo.', 'I dont draw at all.I just find no pleasure in drawing.', 'I accepted it before I was even diagnosed.', 'Depression and anxiety.', '> they feel better in the moment.Pretty much sums up my selfish desire to be in a Drug abuse.Last time I was in a Drug abuse, I wasnt able to sleep, I got into fights and arguments (almost broke my arm in a fight), suffered academically because I rushed through all my work, etc, etc, etc.But I was also more sociable, confident, more likeable (as in, less boring), unpredictable. I had this energy in me that others could feel.In a low, Im not getting into as much arguments, Im lazy, Im tired, I have lost all this energy that everybody (including me) loved. I have become boring and lifeless.I guess it is the selfish thing to want to feel better in the form of a Drug abuse, but I just dont want this low anymore.', 'Yeah Paranoia is the worst.A girl didnt text me back, so I assumed she hated me and was trying to cut me off from her life. What made it worse that I ~~was~~ am pretty close with her.Turns out she just went out and Forgetfulness her phone.', 'Well good luck to you :)And ty for the advice', 'lol no.Probably never will either.', 'A few friends went out without me. They did not even invite me. Just found out Hyperactive behavior 30 mins ago, kinda hurts even though I know they did not Irritable Mood to Chest Pain me.', 'I barely sleep. At all.', 'Im actually not that sure, live in a boring suburban town.', 'Id rather be Manic forever than go through another week of this fucking low.', 'thank youI needed this.', 'It makes me uncomfortable, which ultimately makes them uncomfortable. Theres no cheering up you can do for me, I have already lost the genetic lottery and will be repulsive for life.', 'Yeah I recently started talking to a doc.This is directly related to this low btw.', '> dont go on a massive textingWait, why?I just realized I text more than usual when Im hypo.', 'Im in the same situation. The only thing that adds variety in my life is listening to new music. Hope you find something, OP.', 'I have never tried medication, but I have been recommended. Maybe thatll do it. Considering my luck though, it will just lead to even harsher suicidal thoughts.', 'Nope, not me. I hate every second of it.', 'Coincidentally, Im also the friend that nobody wants around.', 'I cant get better.Ive tried, and I failed.Death is the only thing reserved for me.', 'Ive tried that. Ive tried Phobia, Social workers at school, Ive tried pediatricians, Ive tried psychiatrists. It all always just leads to disappointment.', 'Sums up me going into uni.And it can only get worse.', 'See previous comment ', 'Im currently with a therapist.', 'No.Everything is just normal.', 'This is exactly how I feel right now.I have just accepted that I will never be happy for more than a week.', ' This is why I dont talk to ~~my mother~~ anyone about my meds, my feelings, etc.', 'What if the person knows I have bipolar?', 'I got out of bed, showered, got dressed in some of my finer casual wear, tried to exercise (my legs Chest Pain a lot so I gave up), and I made myself some coffee. Though nothing has happened, today is better than other days.', 'Any advice on getting her to stop cutting? She said shes "addicted" to it and it really sucks.	3	Behavior
I have been looking, only one crisis center.I am looking for a text counseling that is 24/7 to get me through the night', 'baby steps are killing me', 'Eh, not the easiest thing to do. I get some relief when my boyfriend comes home from college. My college is communal. not many organizations that catch my interests. But I am already trying for that. Signed up yesterday. ', 'I really hope so. I already incredibly broken.', 'No, I am not very open about this sort of thing. I am not very close to any family members. A few know what is going on but thats about it. My boyfriend knows the most of whats going on with me in particular. Basically family is out of the question. Not to mention I think mental illness runs within my mothers side. I am not blood related to anyone within my family. Neither are the 3 siblings except to each other. ', 'My boyfriend knows the most. I am not very open about my situation or emotions.', 'Not entirely. On occation I will get triggers.I have gotten pretty well at "ignoring" or "switching off" the events in my head.But I guess that gives me some symptoms right? I avoid certain areas, thoughts and talk. I used to have more Nightmares where I would wail out. Not sure if I still encounter those.', 'I looked at the counselors but they arent very useful. And I should look more into their resources more, but I know there isnt anything for that.	2	Ideation
Im sorry that your mom is so blind to a problem as severe as this. But again, talk to people that are willing to help you. It can only do good.', 'Very, very much, yes. Probably the most important too. However, if you judge youre own worth, make sure you do so with clear eyes.', 'Not gonna lie, its not as easy as "stop feeling worthless, then". It will take time, but talk to people; good friends, parents, siblings, or even people online that are willing to try and help people. If you have a good doctor, then talk to them, and try to get some anti-depressants. ', 'By simple math, youd be in 11th grade by now I assume? I just finished grade 12, and I can tell you after Drug abuse school, it gets much better (Ive never been seriously suicidal, but I still found it so much better). People are... people. If youre introverted (Hyperactive behavior me), then go at youre own pace. You dont need 1000 friends, just maybe 1 or 2 good friends and avoid everyone else. Its worked for me through Drug abuse school. tl;dr : Go at your own pace. School sucks, sure, but Drug withdrawal syndrome through the last years and I promise you, it gets better.', 'First off, youre a teen. Your parents expecting more then what you can do is unfortunately expected. My mom would always compare me to my cousin, and I let it affect a huge part of me, which was a big mistake. As for the world, if you dont Hyperactive behavior the way it runs, try to change it. Maybe not the whole world, but your neighborhood, school, etc. If you dont Hyperactive behavior people, thats your own choice. Im extremely introverted, and I would much rather be alone for most of the time. ', 'True that Im a virgin in may aspects of life, however, Im only trying to help. Ive lost someone in the past, and I felt Hyperactive behavior shit for the better part of a year. Best part is I didnt even know him that well. We were acquainted; thats all. Weather you think of me as an idiotic, spoiled kid is irrelevant, and it might sound Hyperactive behavior a load of bs, but think of what - and who - youre leaving. I know you said you didnt care about others at this point, but they still care about you.', 'Honestly, from what Im assuming, youre not happy. Find something that makes you happy.This might be a terrible example, but its the only one I know. Think of Kurt Cobain. He started heroine to stop his depression, but once he stopped... Not to promote drugs, but you need to find something that keeps you happy. If youre done school, go find a place somewhere Hyperactive behavior Japan, France, Ireland, etc. to start fresh, meet new people, have fun.', 'I think you are probably suffering from depression. If your insurance/monetary state allows it, try to go see a doctor to be tested. If not, just talk to people about your problems. Friends, parents, siblings, etc. Or if not, shoot me a PM. I may not have the right answers, but if you need to, Im right here.', 'Well if youre going to drive yourself off the bridge, youll never get to where you were going to in the first place. Metaphorically, of course, but try to find where "that place" is.', 'Sorry to hear that. Keep trying to contact them in any way possible, through friends maybe? And hey, January is less then half a year away! Not sure how long itll take after that, but patience.', 'Bullfuckingshit. Sorry, but youre probably important to so many people that you dont even realize it. One of my (ex) coworkers committed Suicide last summer, and its still affecting me today. We werent friends, just acquainted, yet Im still not over it. Another friend to who I havent spoken to in probably 4 years (when I was about 15) died in a car Drug withdrawal syndrome in February, and I still think of him almost every day. You are so much more important to so many people that its insane.', 'False, if you Irritable Mood something to somebody, it means you defiantly are worth it. Weather its one person, or one thousand people, you are worth it to them. ', 'Anyone with depression, or thoughts of Suicide, should get help. Families issues are tough, and unfortunately I cant relate to your family problems, but you could try some methods of communication. Not sure how close you are with them, or if youve already done this, but shoot them a phone call, or email or even facebook. Any way for you to get closer to them cant be negative. Keep trying to get immigrated, (at this point, its just a waiting game) and dont do anything that you may remotely regret.	1	Indicator
Hi, Im new to this sub (just subscribed actually) and Hyperactive behavior most of the people here, suicidal. Ive tried to kill myself before so I know the feeling that comes after a failed attempt. Its best not to dwell on it and I would suggest contacting your favorite teacher as U/Mudlily and U/MasterEk did. It helps a lot to talk to someone you trust, it did for me. Ive also felt Hyperactive behavior my parents hated me growing up but as I grew older I found that they were just people with their own problems Hyperactive behavior everyone else. Also what I thought was hatred for me at the time was just their attempt at "tough love". People are complex and they dont always know how to interact with others such as the boy in your physics class. I cant say that life gets any easier or harder from here because theres no telling what the future may hold. However, I learned somewhere along the way that we have a choice in how we let our issues affect us and theres real power in that. Also I dont Irritable Mood to scare you out of Suicide but I just read a post a redditor made in another sub about his fathers failed Suicide attempt that Ventricular Dysfunction, Left him mentally handicapped. I also believe a serious kidney infection I recently had was due to my failed attempt. To Attention Deficit Disorder onto what u/Mysterious_Drifter said Hypersomnia is good especially since youre feeling tired. As well as exercise, I read an article about how exercising can help combat depression. It did for me which I really need to get back into :/ Take care and I sincerely hope you feel better!', 'Maybe you can find work in a related field until the position you want becomes available. If youre trying youre making progress. It might not appear that way but youre learning the things that are out of your control (height and hair loss) and the things that you can improve on (assertiveness and confidence). Try not to let the things that are out of youre control get to you and continue to work on what you can.', 'So youve established the fact that changing your appearance had no effect on your dating life correct? The only other thing that you can help change is your mentality.', 'Im guessing the two problems youre referring to are your romantic life and the lack of passion about your job? Which one would you want to work on right now if you could?', 'I remember that quote every time I feel suicidal. ', '> Maybe my problems are fixable. Can you think of one small problem you could work on and fix? Put all the bigger problems on hold and focus on the more attainable solutions. After accomplishing a few of those youll have fewer worries and perhaps have the confidence to tackle the larger problems.', 'Music has always been my escape. Its real cathartic to hear a band putting all their emotions into a song and creating something beautiful out of it.', 'Youre welcome', 'Apparently a lot of people over at [/r/ultrahardcore](http://www.reddit.com/r/ultrahardcore) Hyperactive behavior you. So theres them and us here at SW. Im sure if you think about it there has been other people in your life that have cared for you. Hey, dont let what your mom says bother you. My dad has called me all kinds of shit: lazy, pussy, Irritable Mood and berates me every chance he gets. Its pushed me so close to the end you wouldnt believe it. He has been suicidal himself and an Irritable Mood too so dont Anxiety about being an Irritable Mood man cause just about everyone is. When you notice things about yourself you dont Hyperactive behavior, dont try to beat yourself up about them. Instead look at them as opportunities to grow into a better version of you. Admitting and owning up to your problems is the beginning of becoming the person you want to be. You have to Hyperactive behavior and love yourself before other people in your life reciprocate those feelings toward you. Some people might not ever feel that way about you, find the ones that do. Take care and I hope to see more post from you!	4	Attempt
I find it better to get comfortable with them. Awkward silences are only awkward if you focus on them. Ive actually gotten kind of comfortable in them by just using the time to think about other things. Of course, maybe this therapist isnt right for you. You have to find someone you can relate to. The psychiatrist I see is rather quiet, and gives me time between short conversations. It helps me to be ready for the questions hell ask next. Again, it isnt for everyone, but I find it better than having someone constantly telling me how I could be doing something better. ', 'Ive been there man. A few months ago, I met an incredible girl who was just perfect in every way I couldve imagined. About two weeks in she just drops me. To this day, I dont have an answer to one question: Why? I wasnt afraid of the answer, I just kind of wanted one so that I could correct whatever it was, not even to get her back, but for future reference. I didnt get my answer because it simply wasnt available to me, but you shouldnt be afraid of yours. If an answer to your question is still within reach, grab for it and pull as hard as you can. Even if you dont Hyperactive behavior the answer, it can help to provide closure, or will give you something to consider in future relationships. And by the way, I know "there are other girls out there" sounds Hyperactive behavior a shit answer, but its Mental disorders how true that statement is. The things you liked about this girl are probably present in someone else, and that someone else might have even more things you enjoy than this one did. ', 'I was hospitalized twice during my so-called "dark times." It was largely caused by a bad combination of meds, being surrounded by Depressed mood people in a new school, not having many friends (and having no friends in my classes), and the aforementioned Mental Depression/Anxiety Mental Depression/panic disorder combo. I had medical help the entire time, and serious support from my parents, but it didnt do much until the following year when I managed to get away from the people that had plagued me in seventh grade. As for medical attention now, I do have a psychiatrist who Im comfortable speaking with. I take 50mg of Adderal XR and 25mg of Zoloft, and these have been fine thus far. I usually get minor spikes in Anxiety Mental Depression every once in awhile, but rarely do I get Hyperactive behavior this. I dont want to say anything until Im sure that its not going to pass. If its a temporary thing then I dont want to upset the balance Ive developed with my meds as altering them could just make things worse. ', 'It wasnt sharing your story. It was discouraging others from making an attempt. Thanks for seeing the issue and correcting it though. ', 'Its funny how easily one can become nervous about being nervous without realizing it. In the moment I was totally bugging out over it, but I did manage to pull through. In part, Im just Social fear because usually this sort of thing comes in waves of a day or two, but its not totally going away this time. Its lingering. Its frightening, but it should go away eventually. ', 'Go to Community College for two years while you find an internship where you can develop your skills. Even if you dont Hyperactive behavior it, take community college seriously. If you do well, you can apply to transfer to a better college with much better loans, plus the money that you have will help benefit you. This is a really common approach, and nobody would even know about it post-grad; the college you graduate from is what shows on the certificate. ', 'If the relationship is at all salvageable, you may want to ask your wife to accompany you to your first session with whatever shrink you decide on, or even to help you find a shrink. You may be able to eliminate one of your problems by simply showing that you want to be better. ', 'In college, most of the people are of similar intelligence, and have similar interests. They also now have no friends. Just really make an effort with the friends thing. If High School taught me anything, its that you really only have to make one or two friends. Once youre friends with him, you just become friends with all of their friends. Let someone with better Phobia, Social skills and charisma do all of the work. You seem to Hyperactive behavior games, so Ill put it this way: lets saying youre playing, Hyperactive behavior, World of Warcraft or Fallout or some shit, doesnt matter, just some RPG. You know what? Fuck it. Mass Effect. I Hyperactive behavior Mass Effect. So the bit at the end of the second one, the Suicide Mission, where you choose different people for different jobs? Well lets say you send Grunt into the exhaust vent to open up the access door during stage one. Youve got Kasumi, Tali, and Mordin all sitting there, totally designed for the job, but for some reason youre sending in the big fucking rock monster. Dont do that. Send Kasumi. Kasumi is good at making friends. See? Metaphor, I think. Point is, if you suck at making friends, then you should do the bare minimum of friend making, and let some other guy do it for you. ', 'Ive also heard that this is common in IT specifically though. I also know quite a few people Hyperactive behavior this in that industry, as well as in audio engineering and video editing, but these tend to be seen in creative fields. ', 'Its still worth checking into. ', 'Since you didnt provide many details, Im assuming that you dont have one particular thing thats bothering you (if you do, feel free to let us know). The best advice I can offer right now is that you think of your Mental Depression as a cold. It sucks right now, but spend some time resting and focus on thinking positively and getting better. It wont get better unless you try to make it better. ', 'Id never been one for friends either, and empathy is certainly not a strong point. In seventh grade I had few friends and had issues staying in school. In eighth grade I found a new group through one of the few friends I had, and they remained my friends until about tenth grade, when we drifted apart (largely because I felt their maturity levels and general intelligence were far below my own, I didnt feel Hyperactive behavior I could have a conversation with any of them where they could actually understand what I was trying to say to them). The only real reason I hung out with them was so Id have someone to play Xbox with. In tenth grade, as I was distancing myself from this group I met a girl. She was incredible. Pretty, dedicated, honest, and most importantly, welcoming. After months I finally managed the courage to ask her out. She said no, and while I was disappointed at the time, it was probably for the better. She asked me to start hanging out with her and some of her friends. Being the inspiring person she was, her friends quickly welcomed me to the group. After this, I quickly made friends as I was introduced to more people and became better at coming out of my shell. Today I have a network of friends who I care about more than anything, and I continue to make friends as I go. I even have had a couple of SOs. Things will get better. Youll find your place eventually. Become friends with people who respect you. If anything, try to become friends with one person. I guarantee that youll see your group of friends start to grow at an almost exponential rate. ', 'If you couldnt land the Flatulence station, then try and find a super market. Theyre used to Drug abuse school students, so they dont mind training you. If you can drive and arent attending school, then youre already beating out the Drug abuse school kids in terms of cost/benefit. ', 'How much time did you give the doctors that put you on meds? Usually psychiatrists will try different med combos with you and monitor you until theyre sure youre chemically stable, and then begin cognitive therapy with you later on. However, they should still be there for you to vent during every step of the way. If a doctor isnt offering that to you then you should really find a different shrink. ', 'A quick addition: the worst case scenario by going with this is that you manage to make a few friends and youre able to go under the radar for the remainder of middle/Drug abuse school. ', 'I have ADHD. The only jobs Ive hated have been the jobs that didnt let me create and be proud of what I do, as well as those that didnt respect me and the things I did. I worked at a camp as an IT/Video Editor/Audio Tech/Graphic Designer sort of thing for five summers. I got too work on cool projects Hyperactive behavior helping kids make short films, rebuilt the camp in Minecraft for kids to play around in, and even setup a radio station that broadcasted online and throughout the camp. For four of them, I had this awesome department head who appreciated the work I did, and I was able to do my work in creative ways because he trusted me to successfully solve problems and complete tasks on my own. During my fifth year, they swapped out the manager. This new manager didnt know the first thing about most of what he was hired to do. All the fun, challenging things I got to do before dried up because he stopped approving them, not realizing that these were all things kids really enjoyed. Plus, any of the challenging things I did accomplish were totally lost on him because he couldnt even comprehend the effort it took to get most of these things done. I did not return for a six year (there were other reasons, but this was a big one). Trust me, if you find a job that meets the requirements of Respect and Creativity, then youll find your job far more enjoyable. Ive started an internship working as an audio engineer, and youd be surprised how many people in the music industry, many of whom exhibit clear signs of disorders Hyperactive behavior ADHD, found jobs there because it was the only job that they didnt feel Hyperactive behavior they had to force themselves through. ', 'Ive been told for years that "things will get better for me," and that "life has their ups and downs." Ive always considered that to be such shit advice, but it really does get better. Seven months ago I had one friend I actually liked, and even he seemed Hyperactive behavior he was moving on from me. Six months ago I made my second friend. She helped me make my third and fourth, and they taught me how to make that number grow. Today, I have plans with friends consistently each weekend, I manage a band, I no longer eat lunch alone, and I have a beautiful girlfriend who takes every opportunity to let me know she loves me. It does get better. You might have to put in some effort. Right now youre limping, but eventually youll pick up pace. Youll make that first new friend and youll start to walk. That friend will introduce you to her friends, and youll start to run. Before you know it, youre going to be surrounded by people who love and care for you, and youll never even notice that youve started sprinting.Just keep promising yourself another tomorrow. Good luck, man. ', 'You can call 911 and have them act as your own valet, but if you think you can get yourself to the emergency room, then Id go with that. Someone more seriously in jeoprady might need that ambulance. ', 'I hate people who can break up with someone over Mental Depression, Anxiety Mental Depression, etc. He chose to try with you, he has to accept the fact that helping you through those situations is his responsibility ', 'Unless you meant to piss your dad off, I dont think even that was your fault. Friends sleeping with your exs is... Unfortunate. As I said, drop those assholes. You dont need them fucking with your life. With betrayal comes revelation, and revelations herald the chance to move on.Find a new group, one that is healthier for you than the one youre dealing with now. ', 'If you tell us whats wrong, we can try to help you. ', 'I do the same thing, but without the prompts. I show them to people I trust sometimes. They seem to Hyperactive behavior them. I think the reason writing stories helps is because it helps to think through problems in a way that doesnt involve much overthinking; once youve written something down, youre on to the next thought. Theres no time to think, contradict yourself, rethink, self-debate the new thought, rethink again, etc. You just think, write, and continue. ', 'This isnt necessarily a solution, but Ive been screwing with the idea of a Phobia, Social network where people can vent openly, develop support groups through online chat, and seek professional help. If something Hyperactive behavior this did exist, would you be more open to speaking to others in that way? Or is opening yourself up in any way just a difficult concept? ', '/r/TheMixedNuts (a support group on Reddit) has actually just started a Steam group. I believe there are details in their side bar. ', 'Dude, fingers down the throat, now. You cant take fucking dex with alcohol. What was the dosage on the dex? Was it in an extended release capsule? Either way, start gagging. ', 'Id love to if its a "when youre on, youre on" sort of deal, but if its a shift-based sort of thing then Im not sure Ill be able to make it work. ', 'Have you ever taken a walk through the woods? Maybe sat down by a stream and just watched? Perhaps you should try it. It sounds totally gay, but I think it may help. And perhaps you need to think objectively. Did you do anything to bring on your friends actions? I Irritable Mood really think, and be honest with yourself about this. If you didnt, then perhaps they werent the kind of friends you want to have. Find a different group. It may not feel Hyperactive behavior it, but there has to be a group of people out there who will accept you. ', 'Fun fact: Most people who commit Suicide actually leave a note. Its hypothesized that writing helps people take stock, and ultimately helps most people realize the things they have to live for. Should you try to commit again, make sure to write another note. The five minutes it takes could save your life. ', 'Junior here, as well. Like I said, dont let yourself drop your shit. Lucky for us, weve only got two more years of the wonderful prisons they send us to.Try to find another group of friends. If you go to clubs, I can guarantee youll make friends. Even if you sit there alone the first few times, youll eventually be able to join the conversation. Eventually you might end up with some new friends who are far more decent than the ones you have. ', 'Going into my senior year. I feel Hyperactive behavior I can offer you some advice here, having just gone through it. Drop a couple of the APs and accelerated classes. Aside from having an Mental disorders workload, you wont have any time for extra curriculars or Phobia, Social interaction. Extra-curriculars can be even more important than an AP class to some colleges. Colleges want to see you work hard for sure, but theres a difference between working hard and working to death. Find a way to create a workload that will cause you put in effort, but not so much that youre choking. Lets talk about "rigorous workload" for a moment. "Rigorous workload", which is a phrase Im sure guidance counselors have shoved down your god damn throat the last few months (and theyre going to keep doing it for most of the next year), means not breezing through your classes. It means that you should take classes where you can still consistently pull As and Bs if you put in a somewhat above average effort. In my last three years of Drug abuse school Ive watched kids alienate themselves because they have no time for others, and basically turn themselves into drones who havent matured since middle school because theyve spent so much time studying the same things over and over. Bottomline, dont get yourself killed because you worked too hard. Your junior year is a big year not only in that colleges will watch, but in that youre going to develop socially by an absolute fuckton. This is the year where you take a very large step towards becoming a Phobia, Social adult, and thats way more valuable than whatever extra crap youll learn in AP Social Studies or English (which are least recognized and the most work). My recommendation? Drop two APs, preferably English unless you have a passion for it. Take that science course, as well as the college course. Theres no shame in prioritizing where you focus yourself. Im headed for NYU with not a single AP class, just a lot of electives that I really worked hard at, and extra curriculars that show both leadership and a passion for my chosen field. ', 'Fuck that bitch. You dont need her. You have any hobbies? Whats something that you Hyperactive behavior doing? Seriously dude: hobbies > girlfriends. ', 'Dont fall behind on your work. As someone who regularly misses school from Mental Depression, I can tell you that it just makes school harder getting back. Youre seventeen. Junior, or senior? ', 'If shes your best friend, then Im sure shell listen. I find that sometimes I automatically assume the worst to come from someone, when really Ive probably just misread the situation. You may be somewhat doing this here. Obviously Im not in your situation, so thats something youll need to assess yourself, but Im certain that you should at least try doing something, as doing nothing is rarely the solution. ', 'If you enjoyed talking to the girl but dont Hyperactive behavior therapists, you should consider finding a support group. I know theres a stigma to them, but having someone to talk to does help.And yeah, most of the hospital rooms are kind of scary. Sometimes rooms are nice, but when I had been hospitalized (twice) they were these Depersonalization white rooms, scuff marks on the wall, a TV that couldnt be turned on from inside the room because it was placed behind a plastic window. The first time I went there was a man who kept scratching into scarred and bloodied ankles. Whenever I descirbe this to people they think Im lying because it was such a stereotypical horror movie environment. If youre staying there for an extended period then you get fancy rooms, but when youre being evaluated for admittance they put you in the sketchiest rooms ever. Anyway, Im glad you didnt go through with it. Dex is not something you wanna fuck with. You might notice some residual effects over the next few days, especially in relation to your heart/chest. You should be alright, but Id make sure someone around you knows. If you end up having a heart attack, that bit of info could be the deciding factor in whether or not the paramedics/doctors can save you. ', 'Since it would seem that the issue is resolved for the moment, I feel that it might be beneficial to give some advice that might help reduce your chances of being in this situation again: Wait to be in another relationship until you can be happy by yourself. This is common advice among /r/sex and /r/relationshipadvice. If your SO is what you feel to be the major source of your happiness, and you dont feel happy without a SO, then it makes losing them much, much harder. Its Hyperactive behavior trying to stay Wakefulness on coffee. You can definitely try to stave off drowsiness, but eventually youll fall Somnolence and Drug withdrawal syndrome much harder than you wouldve if you just followed a regular Hypersomnia pattern to begin with. You need to be comfortable with yourself before you can be comfortable with someone else. ', 'Did you try going to the real police? The statute of limitations for sexual crimes, at least in New York, can range from five years to no limitation. Pressing charges might help get you that closure, or at least some cash to pay for therapy. ', 'Is there some kind of post that honors those weve lost? I think this guy needs to be added to the list, if there is one. I think its sobering. Helps remind us why we do what we do. If we dont markup our losses someone based on moral reasoning, I get that and apologize. It just feels Hyperactive behavior posts should be together somehow, as some kind of acknowledgement for those who havent been able to hold on in the battle against their ailments. A "Memorial to the Fallen Soldiers", if you will. ', 'We do it to people who are offering advice that goes against the subreddit rules, or people who tell us not to try. ', 'Cool. Thanks for the input. When I say professional help, I meant contact information and some kind of review system or a way of recommending therapists that certain people may get along with (it seems to be different for everyone). ', 'Tell people. If only two people celebrate, then thats two more people than wouldve celebrated it before. ', 'Some charity work is a great way to smudge out that misedemeanor charge. The "reformed criminal" story is a powerful one, and could even make you stand out more if you include your charity work in an application. As for misdemeanor, do you mind if I ask what you were charged with and where? Many misdemeanors, depending on their severity, are ignored by more forgiving employers. That time you were caught with a dub of weed at 17 probably doesnt Irritable Mood much to employers a few years later. ', 'As far as girls accepting your past, I have pulled some seriously fucked up shit in the past. My current girlfriend has been okay with all of it, or at least the worst of it. Everyone has done shit that they will never be proud of our be able to forget, and the Drug abuse-and-mighty people who wont are people you dont want to be around. Also, you have to understand that you cant control the things you find attractive or sexually exciting. You shouldnt feel guilty for experimenting, especially as a horny-as-fuck teenager. Also, youre a really good person for not doing anything with that 16 year old. A really, really good person. You have no idea the kind of damage that could have done, to your life and hers. Be proud of yourself for showing the restraint. Keep in mind that you have an entire life ahead of you to cancel out all of the bad. If you end things now, then youll be leaving with a rather poor legacy that few will remember. If you spend the rest of your life trying to atone, which I think its something you want to do, then start atoning. Find a way to make a difference. Join the Peace Corps. Start working with a charity. Find some way to help fix the world. You want to atone then do it. That said, if you want to atone, you have to admit that some of the things youve done were your fault. They dont make you bad, but they were your decision. Your mom didnt make you do these things. Your computer didnt make you do these things. It was you. Now its your job to make up for them. ', 'Fun fact: flossing is actually considered more important. Your tongue naturally will rub away plaque (although not as well as a toothbrush), but it cant get between your teeth. ', 'Obamacare made me switch insurance, and my local pharmacy doesnt support our new insurance. I had to switch to CVS and I totally feel your pain. CVS sucks. ', 'You shouldnt rush putting trust into them. Let trust come as it wants to. Just be sure that you arent inhibiting your ability to trust by pushing yourself away once you start getting close to someone. Allow trust to exist, but do not force it.Are these people associated with the people you used to be friends with? Or are these people rather separate? ', '35mg shouldnt do too much damage if youre relatively healthy. I take 50mg a day, so youre covered on that route. Heart palpitations are a normal side effect for people who arent put onto it slowly. Im actually kind surprised your CVS carried dex at all. Its usually a prescription thing. ', 'Alright, my bad. Ill keep it in mind from now on. ', 'Unfortunately, requesting someone to contact you outside of the subreddit is against the subreddit guidelines. However, I am more than glad to help you with your issue here in the comment thread. First is the matter of your girlfriend. Are the both of you still together? If she ignores you when you drink, is it because she thinks you have a drinking problem? Either way, it sounds Hyperactive behavior you can do better. Your significant other is not supposed to turn their back on you when youre facing difficulty. Theyre supposed to be there to help you through it, especially if they perceive it as a problem when you dont. This aspect of your issue may be better dealt with on /r/sex or /r/relationshipadvice, where such issues are common. Second is your family history of Suicide. If this is something that recurs through your family, you may want to try reaching out to any family members who either have Mental Depression and have not tried to kill themselves (note that these people can not help you if there solution was mask their Mental Depression via addictive substances), or to any family members who have attempted Suicide and have since recovered. These people may be able to best help you with what youre dealing with.Lastly, you wanted someone to talk to. While /r/suicidewatch is a great place to do just that, it may be more beneficial to see a therapist or psychologist. Given that your Mental Depression may be genetic, it may also be beneficial to consider a psychiatrist. You especially should consider this if you can not find a suitable family member to talk to.', 'You wanna talk to us about what else is bothering you? This girl cant have been all that great of things just sort of stopped on their own. ', 'It may be worth explaining in your resume. "To atone for my past mistakes, Ive been visiting AA and have been doing charity work for [cause]. I feel Hyperactive behavior Ive done harm to the world, and its my goal to make up for my past actions." or you know, something along those lines. You dont necessarily have to believe it, but it makes it more powerful if you have a passion to do something Hyperactive behavior that. You started off saying that you felt Hyperactive behavior youve been dropped to rock bottom. Perhaps on your journey back from rock bottom, you should do it as a sort of atonement. It might give you the sense of purpose that you need to keep going. ', 'Whats your dosage? I only take 10mg tabs, and I only get very vivid dreams occasionally. I imagine youre taking a lot more than I am. Edit: Just realized that it might be a bit rude to ask about your dosage. ', 'Its not so much about finding perspective, but instead about finding excitement. Its about looking forward to being with the people who love you. Life is nothing if you cant find excitement. Make plans. Ensure that tomorrow will be a good day. It makes getting to tomorrow much easier. ', 'Yeah, those subreddits are seriously fucked up. Ignore them. Theyre made by shallow people, for shallow people. They are people whose standards are set ridiculously, unrealistically Drug abuse; standards that they themselves likely can not live up to. Ignore them. Whatever flaws they pointed out are things that no normal and adjusted individual would ever notice. ', 'Are you in AA? If you are, you can have your sponsor as a contact. I believe its actually encouraged, but I suppose it depends on your sponsor. ', 'Attacking is kind of messed up. I know that you said that changing bands wasnt an option, but you should consider it. Leaving on your own terms will make you much happier than leaving on theirs.', '"Do not post generic uplifting or anti-Suicide messages." It says not to do what youre advocating right there in the sidebar.Pointless positive comments dont help. In fact, theyre exactly the sort of thing that people want to avoid in this subreddit. They want people to hear their issues, because most people dont. They hear "Suicide" and the advice they given response is "Dont be doing that," rather than "Talk to me about it." This community offers people who want to talk about whats bothering them. Providing the generic "it gets better" response doesnt help when it feels Hyperactive behavior everything in your life is falling apart. ', 'Ive been the manager of two bands, and as someone with depression, I feel that Im very careful about trying to let someone down firmly. Its important to realize that a band, or at least a band that plans on going somewhere, is a business. Each member is an employee, and they have to maintain their job performance to maintain their job. That said, a band is also a team. Every member has to be working to help the other. You said that you understand that youre responsible for your performance (which is great, because not fingerpointing shows a lot of maturity). Did you at any point try to tell them that you need their help to pull through? ', 'I can assure you, getting out isnt the answer. Telling me whats bothering you; I guarantee that we can find a different solution if we work together. ', 'Or we can be civil and discuss it, rather than curse each other out Hyperactive behavior thug kids on a playground.	1	Indicator
So presumably no-one else can see them at all. Oh well. Fuck this too.', 'If I had a gun Id be dead already.A good shotgun or high-caliber handgun would do the job, and Id do it without hesitation. Well, I might clean the house first. Unfortunately I live in a country where guns just arent available, and I wouldnt have Clue One how to go about getting one illicitly, and its basically gotta be that because its quick and relatively certain and the only thing worse than continuing would be continuing after a botched job.I have good days, and bad days, but even on the good days it would be with the utmost relief that Id blow the back of my skull out. I just dont want to do this anymore. I dont want to be me anymore. I can barely function anymore. Im so fucking tired.I could go and see a doctor, and maybe get some magic pills, I suppose, but it would just be easier to say "fuck you" to the entire thing, make a stand and reject it all. Killing myself would be far, far easier than facing, let alone actually dealing with, any of the bullshit. This is what I rationally want, after years of consideration.I dont think Im going anywhere, though. Ive been Hyperactive behavior this continually for many months, or even a year or something, and intermittently for most of my life. Lacking an ideal means of rectifying things Im unlikely to settle for other means, for fear of fucking it up and ending up worse-off than I am. Ive begun taking steps which could end in the acquisition of a shotgun, but Im not sure yet how it will pan out; its far from being something Im willing to count on.So Im not sure why Im even saying this. Being suicidal has become just another part of who I am. But Ive seen this subreddit for a while now and have often thought about saying something. Theres no help to be had, so theres not much point, but I am drunk and feeling rather good so I just thought Id spray-paint my thoughts (a poor surrogate for brains) on the wall and see what happens; maybe Ill get some interesting feedback.	3	Behavior
I know EVERYONE says this, but it truly does get better. everyone has hard times in their life and they build character. We truely wouldnt be living without hardships. I wish you the best of luck and if you want you can PM me. <3', 'Im much younger than you but please, dont kill yourself. You have so many good qualities, why let them go to waste? Sex doesnt matter, you are a beautiful person despite what others think. ', 'I know how it feels to be depressed, but avoiding the chances of things getting better isnt the way to go. Are you in some kind of therapy/counseling? I think you would benefit from it, but i wouldnt recommend doing it if you wont take it seriously. At first I didnt want help, either, but 2 years later and I feel so much better. Feel free to vent more in my inbox or just use to comment. ', 'Im proud of you for getting through college on your own. Youve been through a lot, and I know everyone as their limits (I am most certainly not an exception), but I know you can get through more. If you need a friend, Im here along with other people. Reddit is a large community, and Im sure you could find a friend or partner that lives near you through it. ', 'I know how you feel about being big, im stubby and not the most attractive but I still find myself a little pretty I suppose. I have attempted Suicide and I used to cut. Now that I look back on it I regret every second, because Ill never get that time back. If you want to you can PM me. <3	2	Ideation
Im sure that no ones lying to you. A man I know just succeeded in committing Suicide and I can assure you that he was a ghost of himself, consumed by major Mental Depression for months. Everyone cares, and everyone wishes he hadnt done it. I hope you can find a way to carry on, and I hope that if you give it some time you can find healing and happiness in your life.	1	Indicator
Life in general. It would be so fucking easy to just end it. Ultimately, it will never happen. I could never, ever leave my kids. But after the kids spend a weekend with him, I can see the judgement in their eyes. It irks me. Too bad my kids dont know about the the six months he spent in jail when we first separated for threatening to kill me. Or the following year when he did another six months for violating the restraining order. Yes, kids, your dad was great and took you places. But he wasnt paying child support. I was killing myself to maintain a home. But I am the asshole. I did everything I was supposed to do. I stood up to my abuser. I stood up for me. I protected my kids. Then there was the time when he beat the shit out of his girlfriend (now wife). He actually broke her eye socket. Yet they got married this summer. I say great for them. And just leave me the fuck alone. But he still cant get past the fact that I Ventricular Dysfunction, Left him. He doesnt stop. New wife, new kid? Whatever. Finally got court ordered wage garnishment. And now he blames me when the kids are at his house for the weekend and he cant afford to take them out. And he gets madder. Sometimes I think he is going to kill me - just a matter of time. So why not take that away from him?	2	Ideation
Im afraid I have to respectfully disagree. ;) For a start, if you had no value you wouldnt have the job. Secondly you absolutely do have value.Skills are not things we are born with. We learn them. You can always learn skills.', 'Youre right to question this stuff. For now, do your homework so you can pass school and learn stuff then go out into the Respiratory Distress Syndrome, Adult world where you have more control over your decisions.', 'The classic existentialist problem. Maybe look into some of their writings. Ill be honest and say i dont have an answer. But heres a lame child-Hyperactive behavior analogy. When you build a sand castle you know at the start the tide is going to come in and wash it all away to nothing making it totally futile. Yet still you choose to build one and lovingly craft it and even look forward to it. Why?', 'But the thing is people do love you. If your parents didnt care at all they wouldnt even be putting food on the table. Parents can be very bad at parenting but it doesnt Irritable Mood they dont have feelings.You are only 17. If you only knew how young that is! How much time you have to do things. Whatever youve screwed up, youve barely started. In 10 years everything you think youve messed up noone will care about anyway. Trust me.As you say we are all going to die anyway. Surely you owe it to yourself to stick around a bit longer and see what you can do with yourself. After all you only get one shot. Plenty of time to be dead later. Whats the rush?Everyone has to fail before they can succeed. Its the only way you learn anything. Come on, you are stronger than you think. ;)', 'Monty Python - Dead Parrot: http://youtu.be/4vuW6tQ0218"Four Candles": http://youtu.be/qu9MptWyCB8', 'Actually you can learn confidence. Sure its harder for some pplespecially after a lifetime of no confidence or setbacks. But its still sth you can learn. Intelligence on the other hand is not sth you can just learn. You luckily have that. With intelligence you can learn charisma. Google how to learn charisma etc youll find theres stuff out there. Remember no baby is born with many of these things; they learn them. If anything Id say we are born naturally confident. We simply unlearn it from bad life experiences. Which implies we can learn it again.', 'That sounds pretty devastating. Can you not return at all (I.e. youve been kicked out permanently) or you can go back in a year? Not a particularly pleasant experience sure, but it gives you a chance to take time out to sort stuff out.I wont try and play things down. Having big setbacks in life is horrible. But it doesnt have to be The End.You are lucky to have such good relationships and people who care about you, and you are obviously a considerate person. Youve at least thought a bit about the impact your death would have by your desire to choose a less Violent method. (Yes, avoid trains.)BTW I Hyperactive behavior your thing with the dieresis on su\xc3\xafcide. Thats cute. Sounds Hyperactive behavior you know a bit about linguistics. Maybe you could go into teaching English one day. You dont necessarily need a college degree.If you have been doing poorly in studies is there a reason perhaps? Spending a bit too much time on the societies. Depression? General lack of motovation? Or do you have an undiagnosed learning disorder? If youre just finding the course too hard maybe you can speak with your tutors to get extra help.Have you confided in your friends and family how distressed youre feeling?', 'Sorry to hear youre in such a lonely situation. :( If you want to cry, cry. Theres no shame in that. Its normal to feel that way when basic emotional needs arent met. Everyone needs a friend. What sort of jobs are you applying for? All that rejection can be soul-destroying so youve done well to persevere despite it. Is there a job agency nearby that can help?. Is it that you have no good friends to turn to or that you have good friends who are too far away? Maybe you can Skype them? Not the same as meeting in person but its something.', 'All of those things can ultimately be fixed except the last one. Dont do it. Even if you want to do it guns are not the way to go. There are much less horrific ways. Not least if you react at the last second and miss. Youd be surprised how often that happens. Survival instinct. Seriously, its not worth it. As i said jobs and friends can be replaced. Faces cant be put back together. Sorry to be so graphic. Take a deep breath. Remember the good things. Sunlight in a forest. Kittens. Smell of a BBQ on a hot day. Feeling sand between your toes on the beach. Things you used to enjoy. That sort of stuff. Remember moods come and go all the time Hyperactive behavior clouds. Never make permanent decisions based on your current mental state which is subject to change.', 'Actually it does make sense. Think youll find a lot of ppl in history have felt similarly. The old ennui, Weltschmerz, etc.Even your random "what if" thoughts about Suicide you are not alone in. ', 'Well you havent been fired yet so cross that bridge when it comes pardon the pun. :pYouve done well to get a job so you can probably get another.So maybe ppl around you dont Hyperactive behavior you. But there are a lot of ppl out there who Hyperactive behavior weirdos. And youre clearly smart.', 'Youre right that its not simple. Life is difficult. Change requires work. Growth takes time. Oak trees and biceps dont appear overnight.Feeling Hyperactive behavior you are past the final straw and too burnt out to try again after so many failed attempts I can sympathise with.What I would challenge though is some of your assumptions."My life is always going to be a cycle of ineptitude, incompteance, and mediorcity..."No matter what has happened in the past I dont think you can preempt the future. Even if you have tried before you cannot say with absolute certainty that things will never change."Everyone seems to have some sense of normalcy in their lives except me."I dont know who this is referring to. Its certainly not true in my experience. Depends who you are mixing with. Everyone is a strong word."...it will never change."See above.Never is a strong word. You can say that if you continue as you are that things are unlikely to change but the only time you can say categorically 100% that things will "never change" is if you are dead.On a more macabre note, if you Irritable Mood jumping off bridges in a literal sense please dont. Its painful. But of course wed hope you dont consider any way.Its true that modern society is not as accommodating as it should be to highly sensitive people. But there are ways to channel it. You can also work from home to avoid dealing with people.You strike me as quite young. There is still time to have a new life.', 'Who cares whether its of use to anyone else? If it has value to you then it has value.If youre talking about economic value then thats a different matter. Then its about creating things that have enough value to other ppl that they will pay you for them. You can find what those things are then learn them. Which youre already doing by working. You are providing value to the world, ie some useful service or product, which is why your company pays you. But as for things you care about things have value simly because people ascribe value to them. If you paint a picture you Hyperactive behavior then it has value because you give it value. If someone else doesnt Hyperactive behavior it thats too bad. But it doesnt detract from its value in your eyes. If you enjoy doing something and other people dont who cares? It doesnt make you enjoy it less. Maybe you love camping and everyone else cant stand it. But that doesnt stop you enjoying camping and getting pleasure from it.', 'I know it can be devastating to lose someone who has come to define you. You can find yourself ripped apart. But maybe thats also a chance to reform yourself. Start at the base and rebuild. You dont have to annihilate yourself.If you look at your words youll notice youre pretty ambiguous. You "think" you "might". Suicide is not the kind of decision for ambiguity, although this is very common. But it is the one decision in life that really demands an "Im definitely doing this and I know deep down in the depth of my being its absolutely what I want to do". Because theres no going back. Most of the time we find we are not that determined. That really its not annihilating ourselves were craving but simply to destroy our old lives and start again. As in we confuse wanting to kill ourselves with wanting to kill life itself. It is possible to reconstruct yourself and start over without ending everything.', 'Even if charm and charisma cant ever be learnt or developed, why do you have to kill yourself if you are not successful in developing them? There are plenty of uncharismatic ppl who arent suicidal.You dont have to ooze charisma or be George Clooney to have ppl Hyperactive behavior you. Most ppl do just fine without that. If you want to be the life and soul of the party, sure. A great thing to aspire to, to becone that sociable etc. But few people are anyway. Sounds Hyperactive behavior you have a big focus on value. Finding value which is tied up with finding meaning and purpose. Maybe your challenge is to think about what it is that really motivates you and work to develop sth in that area. This doesnt happen overnight btw. But you can start today. The point of being smart is to use that smartness to develop yourself. Its what you do with it that counts. Just Hyperactive behavior being born with money. If you do nothing useful with it its not that amazing. Try and work out what drives you and how you can make that useful to others.', 'Seriously shes not worth it. No matter how much it hurts, your life is worth far more than any relationship. Hang in there. And there will be other women in future. No woman is ever worth losing your life to.	0	Supportive
I dont Hyperactive behavior opiates. They just help take away my mind for a little.', 'I try daily... It just doesnt seem work.', 'I wanted to finish college and get a job with a major tech company. But Ive lost motivation. Why even try now? whats the point.', 'I just take my psychedelics, and when those dont work, I pop xanex, or hydros. I know its not good, but I just cant be sober any more. ', 'Any place I could go, I cant afford to go now. You want my story? I Ventricular Dysfunction, Left my house Depressed mood and poor for college this summer. Me and my girlfriend had broken up over the summer. I really loved this girl. Everyone tells me that it was just puppy love, but thats just bull shit. I would take a bullet for her. If I found out that she was crippled in an accident, I would drop everything just to go take care of her. And now shes getting more and more distant every day. I got up to college, started running with the wrong crowd. They could tell that I wasnt happy. In fact, the thought of killing myself had already been crossing my mind. And not just because of the girl, but Ill get to that later. They had drugs, so I said fuck it. I put the tab under my tongue, and Ventricular Dysfunction, Left this fucking world. I felt happy and free for once. but it was fleeting. I grew up in a really conservative family. I actually got kicked out today. Im living with my brother for the duration of christmas break. But my family always say that they love me, but they do the exact opposite. they give me money occasionally and expect me to be happy. I try to talk to them, and all that ends up happening is arguments and physical altercations. I dont know if i can go back to school next semester, cant even finish paying off the semester i just finished. Everyone treats me Hyperactive behavior Im Abnormal behavior when I reach out. I actually have started to believe that I am Abnormal behavior, missing something in my head. I dont know. As I said, I just want everythhing to stop. Im sorry if this is everywhere. Ive been really scatter brained as of late.', ' I play battlefield 4 a lot,but Ive lost most feel for it. Gaming is boring now, I just do it to keep my mind on something else. Doesnt always work.', 'Being able to provide a future for my girl friend.', 'I know. Ive just lost all care. Honestly, Ive just thought about oding. Such a simple way out. Take a whole bunch of hydros and just go to sleep. simply stop existing.	3	Behavior
Stick around. I know it sucks. I know what it is Hyperactive behavior to go through a ton of shit. Shit, even today, I think my life sucks so bad that I should just check out. And I am pretty sure I am twice your age (42). Life throws some pretty Depressed mood stuff at you sometimes. It fucking sucks. But you will move on. Just Hyperactive behavior I will. And it will make you stronger. Its okay to be sad. And pissed. And want to lash out. But please dont Chest Pain yourself - because then they win. PM me if you need an ear.	0	Supportive
Talking is good. Ive been reading your comments here, they seem pretty helpful :) Sorry youre still having a rough time. Im glad the meds are helping a bit though. And your therapist is right I think, thoughts are just thoughts. Maybe you cant prevent them from coming into your head, but you can work on ignoring them and not giving them the attention they want. This is kind of what mindfulness targets.Stay safe. I Hyperactive behavior your positive paragraph, glad you can see some good :). Id eat some ice cream if I were you. ', 'Is there anyone in your life you can trust and talk to? Sorry for the late reply. ', 'Thank you! ', 'Sorry. I get what you Irritable Mood by being a burden. I feel the same way. Im sure your friends have reassured you that youre not though. It takes time to get over someone and move on. But you have to give yourself the chance. ', 'Yeah. Its hard. What do you do? I just sleep. Ive been so bored today... I dont have anything to work on or any hobbies or anything Hyperactive behavior that. Cutting would help to fill the boredom. Oh well. ', 'Hey. Thanks for the reply. Im sure they would but Im too scared, I guess I want someone I know. Ill probably call one day... thanks again. ', 'Please eat. Ive done this a few times (not for nearly as long). Not eating is only going to make you feel worse. Have something small, or go out for food. I dont know.Sorry about all the duplicate comments haha... I dont know how that happened. ', 'Happens here too. Sometimes I want to slash myself up but I never do more than a few cuts. I guess its a good thing. Im too scared. ', 'Well I guess Im glad you have to put it off. Please seek help in the meantime. Im sorry I was unhelpful. ', 'Oh. Try to put it off for as long as you can. And good luck with school. Why are you staying so late? ', 'I hope you get one. What kind of job are you looking for? ', 'How about you go and find out? You dont need to tell them youre suicidal unless you want to. If you know it isnt youre Anxiety Mental Depression causing this stuff, tell them that. Help them narrow down what it could be. It seems you want help with your physical health first, because thats what is causing all the rest, and thats fine. You can go to the hospital. Tell them the truth, and get medical help. Maybe they will put you on antidepressants, but they wont ignore your physical ailments. You dont need to be afraid. Im glad youre willing to go to the hospital. Its a good step. Good luck. ', 'You know, its a good thing youre bad at that. It hurts to have yet another failure, I understand that. But Im glad youre still around. Whats going on? If you want to just chat, Ill talk with you. ', 'This is a pretty good explanation. I always imagine more cuts will give me a better release but by the time I do it, a few is enough. ', 'I dont mind (unless you somehow know me...). Its programming/software development. ', 'No not long at all. Can you talk to your parents about things? Why is she kicking you out after youve helped so much. Sorry things are going poorly. Please eat!', 'What program are you in? Im assuming youre in university/college. ', 'Nice. I would go for a walk, but theyre so boring alone. I should at least give it a shot. ', 'Wow. I think she overstepped her bounds. Having hardly met you... its alright to tell her shes pressuring you. If she really wants to help she should respect that. Im sorry this happened, sounds rough. Let her keep tabs on you, but be honest and tell her youre feeling pressured. ', 'Please dont friend. Well you may have already done it by now... but I hope not. :( I dont know what to tell you. Getting drunk isnt that great. ', 'Thank you! Im glad youre giving it a shot. Mention how youre feeling please. Theyll give you priority!', 'Im not sure. I dont really understand how everyone feels so good after. I guess I mostly feel relieved. Like exhaling a really deep breath. So I Irritable Mood, it feels good. But not Hyperactive behavior a high. ', 'Good luck! Let us know how it goes! ', 'Hey thanks. I hope I did... but I spent no time studying. Why? Because Im an idiot with horrible priorities. And my backlog of homework was too much. ', 'Hey. Pretty much feel the exact same way as you (with the Tylenol and such). Please reach out to someone. Even just a friend. Thats what I did. I hope youre alright. ', 'I dont think talking about getting over that would even be allowed here. Youre right its possible. But that instinct exists for a reason. I want to kill myself too. My family and my friends missing me has no impact on that for me either.But anyway... Im glad youre still here. It would suck to be forced into therapy, and thats avoidable by either willingly going, or finding another support. What do you Irritable Mood by lying to yourself about lifes problems? Whats gotten you to this point? Im glad you have hope things might change, thats important. Please keep that hope. ', 'Thats good, Im glad to hear back from you. ', ':s its hard. I dont get it at all. Im doing so much better than a few weeks ago. But I still want to cut. I even dream about it. Its so sucky. I hope youre alright. ', 'Im sorry. That sucks and sounds Hyperactive behavior a hard situation. Heres the thing: they dont want you gone. Their threat of military school sounds Hyperactive behavior (a really poor attempt) at helping you out. They dont want you gone from the planet, I know that. Im sorry they would preach to you. Maybe you could just mention that you need REAL help, and not from them necessarily but youd appreciate them helping you find it. Military school doesnt sound Hyperactive behavior a good solution, but there are things that can help. I selfharm too, its stupid and sucky and I keep it from my parents. But when youre on the edge you need to try everything first. I dont know. I dont know what you should say to your parents that would help YOU the most. But there has to be something. Maybe for tonight you could just go to the emergency room and say how youre feeling. I dont know if thats possible for you but its an alternative to telling your parents and its a way better option than killing yourself. Please hang in there. No one will be better with you gone. I know how youre feeling, I feel the same way often. But I know deep down its not true. It cant possibly be true. I hope you know that too. ', 'Thanks. I took it throughout school so Id say I know a bunch. Not well enough to speak it (mostly not confident). Anyway, Ill pm you for sure. Today was much better. And it isnt so much being in France, except for the lack of support I suppose. ', 'Sorry, see my other comment. I make sure theyre clean and such. I just dont see the point in doing anything extra. ', 'Its been removed or deleted. But the commenters all said you werent ugly. Im sure theyre right. And the counsellors arent there just to make money. Otherwise why would I be talking to you know. Im not getting paid :) People care. ', 'Hey thanks for the reply. I understand that, but how does my brain know to jump to Depressed mood itself to feel better. I dont even know, my question doesnt make much sense to even me. Basically boils down to WHHHYY', 'Hey, I saw your comment on the other post. Im sorry things are so bad for you right now. What if you just try telling your parents about your struggles? You dont need to lay it all out at once, but please make an attempt. If its too hard to say maybe write it down or email them or something. I know they expect a lot of you, but theyd rather you not meet those expectations than be dead. I also think youre being much harder on yourself than theyd ever be. But youll never know if you dont try talking. Please give it another day. Or even just first make an attempt at letting your parents know. I know it wont make things better. But you have nothing to lose at this point, trying to get help (even by making this post) is worth a shot. I hope youre alright OP. ', 'Why dont you truly need help. ', 'What kind of person does that? Im sorry youve relapsed. Recovery is a long process though. You didnt ruin anything, youre still recovering. Slip ups are part of that. Its alright, just get up again and keep going. ', 'Thank you. ', 'Hey, same thing happens to me. I dont get why people would be my friend, so I ask. Or dont talk to them for a long time. Then they get Anger :( then I think "we really shouldnt be friends, Im awful". I dont know the solution. I have no one to talk to either and I feel sad as well. Its good you dont think youll kill yourself, but the thoughts are pretty scary. Sucks man. ', 'Awesome Im glad things went well! And no problem. ', 'Well, Ill tell you this: youre not a burden. Even if you were, people would prefer you to be alive than dead. Theres nothing you could do where the appropriate response (as punishment or whatever) would be to kill yourself. Im sorry things arent working out right now. Anything specific? Why do you feel Hyperactive behavior a burden exactly? By the way, I feel Hyperactive behavior a burden too. But feelings arent facts. ', 'Sounds Hyperactive behavior fun. I hope things are looking up from this morning. ', 'Congrats sj. Good luck! What degree this time? ', 'Hey, whats going on?', 'Asking stuff Hyperactive behavior this is against the rules. If you really want to know you can find out other places. But I highly recommend against it. Its a bad habit to start and really hard to stop. Please talk to someone about it instead of doing it. That usually helps me. Cutting doesnt solve anything. It makes things worse. ', 'Exactly. Hard not to talk about it when its on my mind nearly always. Thank you. ', 'Im from Canada. ', 'Im so glad. Thank you for making the call, great job. ', 'That really sucks. Im sorry, youre not worthless though. And if you really werent worth her time: thats on her, not you. Theres nothing wrong with you. Do you have any hobbies? ', 'Hey man. I have spotty coverage right now so I probably wont be able to reply for awhile. Help is coming, please stick around. I know you said you dont have anybody, but please try to reach out. Go to the doctor or hospital. Theyll find you help. From there you can piece things together and get to a point where you want to live. If youre sure about your decision, at least before you go, could you give a little more details about your situation? Just to chat. Im sure others will comment here soon too.', 'Well Ive been eating a lot of chocolate if that counts. I dont know. It is something to be wary of, you dont want to replace one bad habit with another. ', 'Like I said, it takes time. Maybe even a long time. Dont beat yourself up. Im sorry she moved on so fast. Dont let her actions decide whether youre loved or wanted. Things didnt work out with her, but you are still loved. You are still wanted. And the time you spent with her wasnt a waste. It isnt fair I agree, its hard and stupid. But you can do it. Youve made it from January to now, you can keep going. ', 'Well... seems Hyperactive behavior a bad meal if you ask me. Whats up? Whats gotten you to this point? ', 'Nice, sounds fun! Good luck with it all. Whats school psychology? ', 'Hey, I have a similar thing. I imagine things that I want to create by painting or drawing or whatever. But Im horrible at all art... I have the ideas but not the skill (or patience to learn). You can still create things though! I enjoy programming and try to use that to build/contribute what I Hyperactive behavior to pretend is art. Anyway, theres probably something Hyperactive behavior that for you too. I dont have any advice sadly, but theres no such thing as a worthwhile life. (in the sense that some are more valuable or worth more than others.) whatever you do or can do is enough. ', 'Oh. Thats what I thought :/ caring for them Hyperactive behavior that though is too expensive/hard. Especially if they hardly bleed. ', 'Yeah, I know what you Irritable Mood. I told a friend awhile back that I wish she could see herself how I saw her. And that I wish I could see myself how everyone else saw me. It sucks that its much easier to see the good in others, but I guess it shows youre caring. I know its hard, but looking out for yourself is really important. How many do you have? What are Hyperactive behavior to have as pets? And honestly, that sounds Hyperactive behavior a good reason not to kill yourself. Stick around for their sake, and keep trying with everything else. I dont have any pets but from what I hear they make good companions. They need you, and you probably need them. Are you getting any help with how youre feeling? Have you talked to anyone (besides the internet)?', '2 years ago I decided the same thing. No idea why I chose 25... no strings attached either, I Im almost certain Ill end up killing myself by then. I also feel fine right now, I dont know. Ill probably never mention it to any professional myself. It would probably be a good idea to though. So I suppose the same applies for you. I Hyperactive behavior what /u/ruthluss said, its an unresolved issue even though youre feeling okay right now. I know for me its unresolved. I dont have any advice sadly, but I think I know exactly how you feel. I hope I dont kill myself before 25, but as happy as I am right now I cant imagine living more than 5 years more. I just dont want to. ', 'Im sorry. I hope youre still around, please keep trying. Make one last attempt at getting help. Everyone has treated you very poorly, thats not your fault. You dont need to die because of how youve been treated. ', 'Hey, hows it going? I saw you posting to help others out, great job. When is your appointment? Im sorry youre having such a hard time, but Ive noticed you can see the good in small things. Which is helpful. Yeah getting better immediately wont happen, but you are strong enough to get better slowly. Im glad you have your family to keep you here. I know you wish you could just die, but sticking around is a good thing, and you have a good reason to: a family that loves and needs you. ', 'Youre going through a rough time. But I know you can push through it! Im sorry you lost her. Have you talked since? You are not nothing. You were important and valuable before you met her. You are after shes gone. ', 'Oh man. Im so sorry :( 19 days sounds dangerous... whether you talk to your parents or someone else, please get help. Im sorry your mom is kicking you out. Im sure if she knew your condition (and the fact youre starving yourself) shed reconsider. ', 'Im here for a year for an internship. Are you in France? ', 'So... why are you doing this? What would get you to eat? Dont you think 5 days is long enough?', 'Wow. Same here. Its just an impossible cycle. I get up motivation to do something, then I cant because its too overwhelming. So I hate myself for failing. Then I hate myself more for not trying etc. ', 'You seem likeable to me. I know youre not crazy, and Im sorry they tried to lock you up. I dont know what to suggest to you... Im really sorry everything is going how it is for you. Why not try writing something now? Doesnt need to be big or major. I dont know. Im sorry ', 'Its alright. Thanks for the reply. Im feeling pretty good right now so Im not going to address what you said really... but Im the only one pressuring me. Thanks again. ', 'Hey. Its alright, Im doing a bit better now. ', 'Against the rules. What about parents or friends? The school counsellor? Im sorry you dont have anyone to talk to. Whats gotten you wanting to cut? ', ':( feel the same way. I do it to bleed and for the scars. I dont even do it when Im upset anymore. I wish I understood. Why do you want to feel pain?', 'Im not exactly trying to stop... I think it just makes me ugly/worthless so Im trying to avoid it. Wanting to do it and trying not to is so upsetting though... Thats all Ive done today, avoided cutting. I wish the day was over already. I wish I was asleep. I have too many wishes. ', 'Last time you posted here you said it was helpful. I hope posting again can be just as helpful. Whats going on? Edit: everything you said in this post about the rest of us applies to you too! I read through your post history, you gave others helpful advice. You told them the reasons they have to live and how much theyre worth. All of these things apply to you as well. I saw you have pet rats, whats that Hyperactive behavior? Sounds Hyperactive behavior a fun pet to have. ', 'Hi. Call 911 or something equivalent. Or get yourself to the hospital. You clearly dont want to do this, please take the steps to help yourself. I hope youre alright. ', 'If youre confused, reaching out here was a good decision. And people here are here to help you out. What did you take? I hope its not fatal. Would probably be Elevated mood to talk about things in the meantime anyway. So, whats up?', 'Sorry. I guess I didnt explain well. I dont know. Im too lazy to or I feel Hyperactive behavior it doesnt really deserve/need any attention besides making sure it isnt bleeding. Bandaids work fine. ', 'Hi welcome back. Honestly youre not ugly at all... Thats the 100% truth. You could find a girlfriend who looked Hyperactive behavior whatever you wanted. But its probably more important to find someone you Hyperactive behavior. Being confident would help, because heres another truth: you arent talentless. You deserve to see yourself better. I hope you can. Theres nothing wrong with you, and your English is great. Im sorry you feel so bad. I dont know what else to say. Im not lying to make you feel better. Im telling you the full truth because you need to hear it. You look fine. You are talented. And youre valuable. ', 'Hey, good luck! Whats it on? For me, as long as I feel good going into the test Im alright with whatever grade. Being prepared helps but so does attitude. Be confident! And good luck studying. ', 'I dont know. Not really. And no, I cant really speak it at all. Not from Quebec (I wish I was). Part of why I came here was to learn French. Thanks for the replies, Im heading to bed now. ', 'No its not a fun way to live at all. But hey, keep banging on the wall! I dont know, giving up seems so easy and Hyperactive behavior the better choice right now. But fighting issue the brave, strong choice. And I knows youre strong enough to. So please keep at it. Youve been well before Im sure. You can be well again. I dont want to say "theres no point in killing yourself" because it sounds Irritable Mood. And Id hate to hear it. But really, pushing on CAN be so much more rewarding. I dont know if it will be. I dont know if it will be for myself... but how about we find out?', 'Hey, Im so glad to hear this. I hope things went well! Good luck. ', 'What does gaping Irritable Mood exactly? ', 'You deleted that post, but from the comments I can see youre not ugly. I dont want to give you life advice and say be confident, because thats easier said than done. Your issue isnt being ugly though. Please reach out and get some help. Have you seen someone for your Anxiety Mental Depression and Mental Depression? ', 'They can theoretically. But they wont. Its alright though, dont worry. Not to talk about OP behind her/his back butIm sure they called (if they didnt they would have just stopped posting).I hope youre alright Kayce. Get back to use when you can. ', 'Hello /u/addicted7, I was just thinking about you earlier this week. Sucks about the cutting :( have things been better for you though? I Irritable Mood since your last post on reddit, things seemed pretty rough. Stay safe please, and dont stop getting help. Being afraid of getting locked up is reasonable, but you have to look out for yourself. And do whats best for you (which sadly might be against what you want). Anyway, good luck. ', 'I know exactly what you Irritable Mood... Ive been late a lot the past two weeks. I feel Hyperactive behavior cutting while at school so often, but I always try to just put it off until Im home. Which helps me Sedated state down a bit by giving it time. ', 'Doesnt sound dumb at all. I think that every weekend. I dont really have advice. What helps me is having someone to force me to get things done. I dont literally force... but you know, someone who makes sure I get it done. And helps me along the way with reminders or whatever. Try breaking things down into smaller, manageable problems. Finally, dont kill yourself if you dont finish your homework. I hope that doesnt sound too harsh, because I dont Irritable Mood it to be. Really whats the worst thing that could happen if you didnt finish your work? I am 100% sure it isnt as bad as dying. The other persons comment is probably more helpful. I guess my main point is I can relate. But I know you can continue through this Ache. Feeling Hyperactive behavior this no matter what your reason is fine, theres not a list of good reasons and bad reasons. It sucks you feel Hyperactive behavior this, and I hope you feel better. Are you getting any professional help? ', 'I didnt exactly have any realisations sadly. Just went to the hospital for a few days and at least for now Im feeling better. It would text you but last time I did that I wasted $30. PM me and Ill send you my email. ', 'Oh man. I took a class on that last semester and dropped it because... well I blame the prof. I actually just finished one on compiler construction :s I hope I did well, Hyperactive behavior I said I was confident going in. My next one on Wednesday. ', 'I feel the exact same way man. I dont know what to tell you. This life is much too hard and unfair. Literally all we can do is suck it up and continue. I dont know why. Youre not as bad as you think, I promise you that. Im sorry you feel Hyperactive behavior this. /u/cameroncac is right, you (and myself as well) have to push through. :( ', 'Good plan with programming. Python and C are my favourite languages. My next one is Tuesday :/', 'Hey, how did the test go? Im sure you did great', 'Hey... please stick around. Youve been fighting so hard. You CAN keep doing that. I believe in you. Talk to someone before you do anything. Im sorry. ', 'Hey Emily, whats up? Im sorry things have been so hard. Im glad you posted though and I hope the people here can help. Whats on your mind? Youre not a joke to me. ', 'Why? Im sure you could get something set up even for today. Youre in college, they probably have free walkin counselling services there. That would be a good start. ', 'Dont be so hard on yourself please. Like I said, theres nothing wrong with you. I dont know why she broke up with you, but thats her mistake. You can continue life and pick things back up again even without her. When did you drop out?', 'Software Engineering then two more compsci ones. I Hyperactive behavior programming. Im good at it. But this semester is going horribly wrong. I wish I could stop my downward spiral. ', 'No problem, keep at it! ', 'You know your grade already? Sorry :( hope you still pass the course. ', 'Thank you for the reply. Youre right about things, its just I really dont know what the issue is. I cant deal with life. And when the smallest thing goes wrong I let it really upset me. Its usually school related things, I feel Hyperactive behavior a failure for not completing what I know I can. ', 'I dont know why I do. I guess to cope, it helps me Sedated state down when Im feeling overwhelmed (which was pretty much always until recently). I also do it to feel in control, because when I do it, no one else can stop me and I guess feeling powerful over myself is comforting. And I sort of see it as a minisuicide. I cant kill myself but at least I can Chest Pain myself. Also I kind of Hyperactive behavior how it looks. ', 'Hey, sorry. I didnt Irritable Mood it Hyperactive behavior that. All I was trying to say was how you see yourself might not be true. All those things you listed are facts. I really didnt Irritable Mood to sound rude or presumptuous. You dont need to say anything nice, its fine. ', 'Yeah. It sucks, hope youre doing alright. ', 'Please call. If you cant do it, maybe someone here can for you (not sure if thats allowed...). Or text someone you know and ask them to call. Please. Im sorry this is so hard. ', 'No its fine. I talked with her. I know she doesnt view me poorly or anything. I just dont want to Anxiety her or upset her but thats all I can manage doing with pretty much anyone. I wish she never saw is all. I dont mind her knowing because shes nice about it, but her seeing the razors made it more real. Thanks for the reply. ', 'Yes. I dont understand it at all. Be safe. ', 'I read your other submissions. I dont know why people downvoted them and disliked them. I thought they were interesting and well written. Maybe you should start a blog, just post what youre thinking where no one can downvote it. I thought your posts about MW3 and Zelda-CDi were great by the way. I 100% agree with what you said. Yeah Zelda-CDi has been talked to death, but its still fun to mock! I suck at MW3 and its so frustrating because when playing you dont get much time to get better before dying. I still love it though (best CoD game IMO). Also your post about the Easter flame thing was pretty informative, Ive never heard about it before. I dont think its ever been posted on /r/christianity even, Ive been going there daily for the past 3 years. Anyway, talk about your problems to a counsellor. Be honest because it really helps. I care about your dumb history facts and your life. Im sorry you feel ashamed :( I hope you feel better soon. Youre not failing at everything. ', 'Hi. Ive been reading your posts and Im so glad youre getting help and were able to be honest with your husband. Its great he is so supportive, I hope things go well. You can do this, just take it one step at a time. ', 'Woah, that sucks. Please go back! Easy job to get if your boss really liked you. I hope you can do it. ', ':( that sucks. What about tomorrow? Do you think you could hold out for one more day? And give getting help a chance. Please. ', 'Good insight, I see what you Irritable Mood with our subconscious knowing it will produce an endorphin rush. Thanks for the long reply, I appreciate it. Wonder if theres been any research into this kind of explanation. Ill try to dig something up. Thank you again!', 'Heres my thoughts: some of the more complicated or longer posts here never get replies because people arent sure what to say. Honestly Im usually too lazy to type out what Im thinking... if I could talk with people here Id say a lot more. Anyway...Im sorry people have ignored your posts. I care that you Chest Pain yourself. And I appreciate you giving people advice. I dont know what to say, and I think thats the main thing. People dont know what to say. Some things are easier in person. Stay safe. I hope writing this post helped you out a bit. I know ranting helps me. ', 'Hey. I feel similar. I dont know. It doesnt make sense. Maybe its life even-ing up the cards. I really dont know. Its stupid and messed up and sucks. I dont have any advice, but dont trivialise how youre feeling. Even if you think you have no reason. Who cares? I dont think Suicide or selfharm is ever really reasonable. One doesnt need a reason to be depressed. Its not a choice and just happens. Im sorry if this isnt helpful. Random thoughts. ', 'Yeah seems Hyperactive behavior a Suicide note... I hope he didnt go through with it and you get in contact with him. Im sorry. ', 'Whats up? Anything you want to talk about? Im sorry youre at this point, and I cant imagine the Ache youre in. ', 'Well throwing up is probably a good thing. You need to get help though, please call 911. You can do it, and it will help. I know its scary and you dont want to go, but Hyperactive behavior the other person said, you posted here for a reason. You want to stick around. I want you to. Please call. ', 'Hi. Im glad you posted here. How did your appointment with the T go?', 'Take a deep breath. Its alright. Youre almost to your appointment! Youre doing great getting this far. It doesnt make you a pansy to be afraid to kill yourself. It makes you brave. Fighting through when everything screams for you to do it is very brave and courageous. Im glad youre bad at killing yourself :) you wouldnt be around talking to me if you werent. Im sorry, please keep trying. Take it a day at a time. Or an hour. You can do it. Its alright to be nervous, I completely understand. But you can fight through that. I know you can.	0	Supportive
Oh dear. Man that really sucks. Hmm. Im pretty new at this whole "helping people" thing. One of my first posts here, really not sure if I should offer advice or empathy. Bit of both, perhaps?I dont know about being a writer, never been very artistic. But Id imagine just writing would help, right? You know, just put shit down on paper, and if youre inner critic is that bad, just dont look at it? As for the jobs. Well what type of job have you been searching for? Sounds Hyperactive behavior a bit of minimum wage conventional jobs and some highly skilled writing jobs.', 'Okay, thats cool. I think its really awesome that youre going out and trying new things, ya know get out of your shell, meet new people. Wish I could go to, but alas Im not quite 21, half a country away, and have prior obligationsI was just asking you not to stake everything on tomorrow. Go out, have fun. Please dont do anything too stupid? ', 'Hey if you cant go with that other dude in the thread, or to Colorado or whatever. I have a PC and a WiiU so if you want to play a game online thatd be cool.', 'No. You have a good point. There are seven billion people in this world. We, you and me, were nothing compared to the whole. But have you tried looking at it this way, theres 7 billion people on this world and only a few hundred make any real impact. The rest of us are Ventricular Dysfunction, Left to figure out our own place in this world. Man, I know it sucks to have your own perceptions turn against you. Its happened a few times to me and theres nothing I fear more, but hell. Disorders? Hell they suck but they Irritable Mood that your problems are /legitimate/.I cant offer you much. But hey. Ill be your support, Ill talk to you. Just shoot me a PM. In the meantime though? Well if youre up to it, if you can. Maybe think about trying and getting out, meeting people? Sure most people might be self interested, but I believe youll find a person or two to be a support net. ', 'Sorry, was Exhaustion yesterday and had to go to bed. Its pretty cool you managed to send a few applications.', 'Hey man. Im sorry to hear that youre not feeling so well. It seems Hyperactive behavior youre feeling really isolated and alone, has it always been Hyperactive behavior this for you? You seem so fed up with the world, with people, but Im not sure which one youre more fed up with. With those around you, or with the broader concept of companionship?I cant really promise you anything, but know that if you need to talk to someone you can just shoot me a PM. Im not anyone special, not a counselor or professional or anything Hyperactive behavior that, but if you want to just... talk. Im here.', 'Hey man, how are you.', 'Hey, I dont know much. Im going to try to talk though, okay?It sounds Hyperactive behavior youre tired? Upset at the breakup and how its Chest Pain you. It sounds Hyperactive behavior you want to have one last shot at feeling good. Have you thought about waiting? Not on the Pismo Beach, but on staking so much in it. Theres a lot at Pismo Beach, but its not everything, its only a few dozen square miles in this massive massive world. ', 'Hey, I know its easy to feel hopeless when things are looking down, have been looking down. It probably seems Hyperactive behavior a lot of things are pushing down on you right now, but may I ask whats bugging you the most? The job search, your old job, that you dont want to talk to your girlfriend?', 'Ha. Cool. I didnt Irritable Mood swimming in specific (although that would be cool), just offering anecdotal evidence about how a few basic certs might really help your job search. Yeah, keeping reading at least a bit seems Hyperactive behavior it would help a lot. Maybe try writing a bit on the web? You know, /r/writingprompts or do some web-fiction. Might not be making a living off of it, might not be making money. But Id imagine validation would be useful, right? Anyways. I need to go to bed. Ill check this again tomorrow. Im just a two-bit moron, but if you ever need anyone to just talk to go ahead and shoot me a PM. Ill try to answer ASAP.', 'Hmm. Well lets see. Writing might be a Ache in the ass right now, but I dont know, is writing the only way you keep your creative juices flowing? I know youre a Creative Writing major so youve probably had to read a LOT. So I dont know if this is something youve thought about before. But perhaps until you find yourself in a better position you could Anxiety less about writing, and more about reading?As for jobs. Well, youve been looking for shit minimum wage jobs and then professional skilled labor jobs. Have you thought about looking for anything in between? You know as a stop gap measure? Something that would require a cert that takes a weeks worth of training and a hundred dollars? Seems Hyperactive behavior most of them would be way less sucky than something at the very bottom rungs of retail or food. I work as a swim instructor at a YMCA and were desperate to hire anyone who has a WSI cert. I would imagine a lot of places are similar. ', 'Ha never thought Id be offering words of wisdom. Hey if you ever need someone to talk to you can just shoot me a PM. Im no professional or anything, but it might help just to talk right?', 'I know its easy to believe that people as a whole are awful. And hell you might be right. But its easier to destroy than create, and yet somehow, after all these years we as a human race have managed to build something. A global society thats, well, thats just a little bit better than what came before. Doesnt that speak to something? Man, I see why you wouldnt want to be part of the equation anymore, what with all the shit that is going around right now (not arguing that it isnt). But have you thought about how big this equation is? Its massive, 7 billion strong, and thats just us humans. Have you thought that you could surround yourself with the better elements of that equation, be one of them?', 'Hmm. You feel youre stuck trying to make money at shit jobs while looking for a writing job you actually Hyperactive behavior. However the shit jobs are wearing down and destroying all youre creative energy in the meantime.Is that an accurate assessment?	1	Indicator
Thanks for the reply, I used to be pretty good at finding distractions but lately all I can do is Anxiety about everything. I have to grow up and get a job, start a career, move out, all the things that functioning adults do every day just give me massive anxiety. All the distractions and thoughts all just end at the same place. Complete hopelessness for future. ', 'I get what youre saying, but going by most peoples idea of pathetic, I am pathetic. It just feels Hyperactive behavior I would be delusional to think that there is anything I should be proud of. I appreciate your response though. ', 'Thats basically what Ive been doing for the last 5 years or so. I manage to distract myself for a few months, get my hopes up that if I can just do x,y,z Ill be alright. I always end up in the same place though. So I guess I would say I can relate. >good programmerare you talking about Hyperactive behavior a computer programmer? ', 'I dont see anyone for SA, I went to a dr. a few years ago but I just ended up feeling embarrassed and never actually saw a psychologist. I dont hate myself for being gay anymore than the fact that I hate myself for being a complete failure. Its just another thing that makes me feel abnormal. Your whole Hyperactive behavior is geared up to be straight, its just expected. A guy and a girl walk by holding hands and nobody thinks anything of it, two guys and everyone stares, and some people have to make their comments. There are probably thousands of people that hate me for being gay and they dont even know I exist. Its just another thing that I wish I didnt have to deal with. I dont know what Im going to do for school. I dont inherently dislike school. I enjoy learning, its one of the few things that I Hyperactive behavior in life, the little moment when you learn something new or finally understand something difficult. But now I feel Hyperactive behavior Im so far behind. I spent so many years just "getting by" and now its all caught up with me. That and the constant little mistakes I make on assignments and tests. Switching signs in math problems, losing pieces of problems. Thinking too quickly and making stupid little mistakes. Then the professor rips my tests to shreds because I screw up one tiny piece of a problem and of course the whole problem is therefore wrong. Its so frustrating. Thanks for reading and the reply, Im glad youre getting your life back on track. ', 'I dont want to be pissed off, I just want to be normal. An average guy with an average life. My life circumstances dont really permit a move to Uruguay. Mother Teresa also helped people, not sit in her room all day doing basically nothing. Killing myself wouldnt solve any problems, the problems just wouldnt exist, and it a way my problems would move to my family. The only one I really care about it my mom and her life is stressful enough. Thats the only reason. ', 'Never tried antidepressants, only thing Ive done is adderall and that was a few years ago. ', 'That sounds cool. Learning multiple programming languages has to count for something, probably doesnt seem Hyperactive behavior much considering youre not making a decent living with it, but it is something. I tried to teach myself python, or at least familiarize myself with it but it just seemed so foreign to me. And of course I didnt stick with it... Is there any specific reason you dropped out of college? ', 'I felt the same way when I dropped out the first time, and I feel the same way now. I didnt have roommates (I lived/still live with my parents). I hate being around people too. Maybe thats why I Hyperactive behavior computers so much, that and dogs. Maybe you could look at https://www.coursera.org/ Its free, all you have to do is make a username. Its Hyperactive behavior free online college courses. They have a lot of stuff about computers and computer science. Maybe youve heard of it. I dont think you dont get any actual credit though. Im planning on taking a python course that starts on oct. 7 I think. Im going to try to go to sleep. I hope we both find some more distractions, or better yet something more than just a distraction. Ill check this later if you want to reply. Good luck man, I hope everything ends up working out for the best. ', 'Thats something that I wanted to do. Im going back to school right now, although I doubt I will even pass calc this semester so the hope of being doing something in computers is probably a waste of time. I read your reply to unitn8, did you teach yourself C and C++ or did you learn in a class or something? What did you want to do in computers? That may be a stupid question idk exactly what all you can do as a programmer, Hyperactive behavior apps? games? software?	1	Indicator
I completely understand how you feel. Ive had moments of happiness but its mostly this dark overwhelming sadness I cant shake. I dont know what the answer is. I keep hearing medication helps but Hyperactive behavior you I did that in my teens and saw no positive changes. Im trying to just fill my time and see if anything ever changes.	1	Indicator
Ive played Wow a lot and other games Hyperactive behavior kerbal. I dont play them that much anymore and I havent played the more realistic first person shooters. Mainly it just passes the time.I listen to twitch in order just to hear talking, plus the guy is playing Mario games and such. He talks and responds and I can even comment in the chat. It is the closest Ive had to a friend in years.', 'I wish that good things would happen. I Irritable Mood it isnt Hyperactive behavior I have real problems Hyperactive behavior many on hear who have been raped or beaten. I just dont seem to be able to be human. I see normal people even Depressed mood people hold jobs, friends, relationships. I looked up old classmates and they are all getting married and many have careers. Looking back and seeing the last 26 years get worse Im not sure that the next 10 are going to get better. Im just so alone and a failure, the mere thought of living 60 years makes me want to kill myself faster.', 'That is why I said unless they have a real effective solution. If I tell my therapist they will likely say the usual "just hang in there." Im Nausea in Exhaustion of waiting. Im Nausea and Exhaustion of improvements that are always on there way and never materialize. Ive been told that life gets better for so long. Well it is time for it to finally happen.I posted in the desperate hope that there is something that I missed, something to make a a decent human, but there appears to be not. Thanks for your time on me.', 'Sorry for being so argumentative. Another one of my numerous flaws.', 'I have cats and while they are nice it is not Hyperactive behavior I can hold a conversation with them. They are the ones that have to hear me talk to myself.', 'Oh sure I know why it happens it just sucks as a poster when it does especially you need more than a couple hour pick me up. Then again it is selfish of me to ask or expect more. Ill just hug a pillow again tonight. Sometimes when my iPad gets warm during use, I just lay and hug it.', 'Unless they have a real effective solution, I dont want them to stop me. ', '> and am probably much more of a loser than you could ever be. HAHA want to bet. :)I really do suck. The fact that I dont have fiends or never having a date is a sign of who I am. So at this point in time Im Hyperactive behavior permanently fucked up and even if I slightly improve and start really trying to make friends people will wonder what is so wrong with me to be so alone and behind. High schoolers are better than me, there is noway I can compete with actual adults. They will simply find someone better, which compared to me is really easy.', 'The thing is though that I dont want him to stop me. At least here Im able to see the reasoning beforehand and I decide to live in misery or not. If I tell my therapist then I have to live in misery. And telling people Im suicidal has always backfired. Now they mention that they Anxiety about me and will give me looks when I say certain things.What good would a contract do? Once my therapist realizes how suicidal I am Ill be locked up for days on end, permanently marked on records that will show up to government employees. Pills havent worked outside of these "hospitals" why would they work inside one?I dont want to live in misery anymore and telling my therapist will continue to insure that. That is why I came here looking for something, anything, that has at least a chance of turning my life around over the next 6 months to a year. If not, Im done living in misery and Im going to end it. One way or another I am going to improve.', 'They know that I am suicidal I am just not telling them about the Suicide for next month. What good would it do to tell them? I just downplay the severity. I dont even know how many meds Ive tried, and my appointments are typically 6 weeks a part. Though he is currently booked for close to three months. Pills never have really worked for me but Im glad to hear that they are working for you. I wasnt a good worker at my first job until it closed. At my second job for a family friend I became ill. My stomach would get upset and my eye would twitch. I just was always so nervous. If you want to talk Im open. ', 'Sadly in the end I think that is all that this place can offer. The worst is how after about 6-12 hours at most people stop writing or commentating. Within hours you are forgotten. That is just the way life is for people Hyperactive behavior us.', 'Classic rock, Metallica, Disturbed, orchestra. Im not too picky.', 'Oh it certainly is my fault, it is no one elses. There are three outcomes; it continues to get worse, it somehow miraculously gets better, or I kill myself and end the suffering. It is that third choice that looks the good. It is far better than choice one and more likely than choice two. Yes Ill die a fat, ugly, friendless, virgin. But who cares, Ill be dead.I wish for the best for you as well.', 'They know about my Mental Depression just not the severity. Too much of a risk to tell them how serious I am. So yes I lie to them. They know Im suicidal why tell them how serious I am and have a plan and the tools to do it. What good would that do?', 'Thanks for writing. I just feel Hyperactive behavior Im just getting to Exhaustion to keep trying. Im Exhaustion all the time. And the story you told involves a lot of maybes. I wish I had all that Hyperactive behavior 10 years ago. When I weigh all the things I have to do to be even to people I just dont see me reaching it. Death will provide me with the relief I so desperately crave.', 'No it is cool, thank you for writing. Not to be rude but while all those things are normal for teenagers for someone my age it is embarrassing. Im suppose to be way more developed than this and it is expected of me. The number of people who havent even been on one date this far in life must be in the fractions of a percent. It also says something about me. People move forward in life and I just fall further and further behind. I see the list I have to do to just start to become an equal and I just cannot seem to find the energy or courage. Killing myself will bring me the relief that I so desperately crave and need.I dont know your situation but the one piece of advice I have is to not be Hyperactive behavior me.', 'To put simply, Im just a failure. I fail to make friends, I fail at starting and likely keeping relationships, I failed at work, I failed at school, I failed at learning how to drive. Im a mouth breather, I cannot write well, no artistic ability of any sort, and Im grossly obese.I cant compete with normal adults. Even among the Depressed mood and Anxiety Im the lowest of the low. I looked up my classmates and they are getting married and starting careers.What is my accomplishment, I ate yogurt? Every day I fall more and more behind and the odds of things improve diminish day by day. I just fail to function as a human and Im correcting the problem the only way that seems to be available.', 'Im taking an MAOI right now. I have not been given any benzos. Even without the physical symptoms I still would have the mental.', 'Atheist. But Im not part of any atheist group or anything.', 'Im not sure there is anything that can be done. Im just desperately looking to see if there is. I feel Hyperactive behavior maybe therapy and pills work for some but they were never designed to work for someone Hyperactive behavior me. People here have value. Many of them have jobs are/were in relationships and have friends. I dont even have what can be called acquaintances for Hyperactive behavior 7-8 years. Never dated though who can blame anyone for that. And Im just overall grossly incompetent.Im always going to be alone and bad, it just is who I am and always have been. I wished for Suicide since I was a little kid. Im just not made right and I just wish that somewhere there was hope for people Hyperactive behavior me, but there seems to be not.', 'I have my parents but other than that I have nobody. Zero. Not even acquaintances for close to ten years. I dont even know what people my age group do. I feel Hyperactive behavior an alien study a culture, I just watch other people hang out and have fun. Ive never been invited out ever. Even in Drug abuse school they just let me eat lunch with them, other than that they would meetup but not tell me. I talk to myself for hours and hours every day, I play videos or twitch just to create the allusion that there are other people. ', 'The issue with that is that it leaves me completely alone. The last time I had anything close to friends was in Drug abuse school. There are expectations in life and when you fail to meet them then people get worried and want little to do with you. Plus I lack the ability to connect to people as they live in a totally different world compared to me. It leaves me alone and the Sad mood has just eaten me alive.', 'I can write responses, but my grammar is pretty bad and I was more referring to writing Hyperactive behavior stories and stuff.I havent told my therapist because 1) Theyll lock me up 2) They wont really have any helpful advice.3) It will be held against me, where everything I said is made suspect.I answered elsewhere but Im going to hang myself.I really do need to focus on my diet but I just seem to have no energy and food is one of the good things I have. Plus I just cannot seem to care with me killing in a month anyways. I do already walk over a mile around 5 times a week.I took a programming class years ago but I never learned python.I Irritable Mood a real person in that I dont compare to my peers. I understand that they are going to show there positives online but their positives are by far better than me. They have pictures of parties and hanging out with friends. Marriages and hanging out with their SOs. And their careers.Who would want to be a friend to someone Hyperactive behavior me or god forbid start a relationship? I am so much lesser than other people. People want someone to be an equal with not someone 15 years behind. ', '>There is no reddit comment that can fix your life. I realize that there never really was much hope. Just a fools hope. But it is all I have to reach for. Everything else has failed. I cannot tell my therapist about me because of the power dynamic at play. There is a difference between saying Im suicidal and buying the rope and already picking out the beam to hang yourself by. Telling my parents has been a mistake telling them would likely backfire as well. There are two choices, I either get a solution to get significantly better over the next several months or I kill myself. They havent helped me so far, why should I expect anything different? They know Im suicidal I just lie about the severity.', 'What daily tasks?	3	Behavior
Thats a when, is there a detailed why? Can you give an analysis why you think these things?Im interested in hearing you out on this man.', 'Shit yeah man. I as never into Mt:G. But I did play L5R for a bit. Mt:G was too much bean counting for me.Play any rpgs?', 'Just wanted to second the foundation thing. I am a Genital Diseases, Male that has had Acne very long term. Ive had a small bottle of liquid foundation picked for me by an ex for so long. It really helps those red marks look Hyperactive behavior they are way further along the healing path than they really are. Use the back of your Ache wrists to pick the color. If you use just a couple of drops it can make a world of difference and nobody knows.When you DO get to talk to a dermatologist, mention you want to look into [Isotretinoin](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Isotretinoin) it is a god damn poison but it cleared me up near instantly on half dose, twice. It gave me a mental relief Hyperactive behavior you wouldnt believe, dont kill yourself save up for this shit, and get some solace.', 'Things are going to be tough moving forward, but every day less so with regards to your mantroubles. Its sort of Hyperactive behavior you just experienced the end of Schizophrenia, Childhood innocence in one fell swoop. Family can be ignored usually if they are a bother. You are so young, at that age no time is really wasted, its learned. There are good people out there still and good guys. People to learn from and experience, your current crop of people are not your last. ', 'Remember to look out for yourself. She does sound Hyperactive behavior and everything she says seems to be looking for leverage. I would employ active listening where you aknowledge what she says without judgement by almost parroting back to her what she is saying. This does not Irritable Mood accept what she says. It goes sort of Hyperactive behavior this:"I feel Hyperactive behavior shit and you are shit" you go "I hear that you are feeling Hyperactive behavior shit and I understand that you think Im shit". Dont make it sound super robotic, switch things up. Now be superhumanly patient. By this try to create a Sedated state understanding environment where she can just vent and feel understood, dont try to solve things right now because they arent going to get solved.If she goes in to 911 territory, well, call 911. And remember whatever she does its not your fault and never will be.', 'Sounds Hyperactive behavior an incredibly painful ordeal, you are describing a very tough existence. Do you think its possible that the approaching gear shift is a catalyst for your current downswing?', 'Spell out your story.How old are you?Where to do you come from?What is your family Hyperactive behavior? How have you felt recently?How have you felt in the long run?Have you seen a doctor?Who knows about your situation?Paper or plastic?We all feel lost sometimes, no shame in trying to remedy that.', 'Hello friend, its frankly incredible the amount of turmoil you have gone through.People who have the correct diagnosis and subsequent medication have stepped from the edge of the graveyard and into society again. Those who live with Schizophrenia and you would never know it because of the advances in medication and correct therapy, they can be happy, have relationships and the works. It is a very broad category and an expert mental health worker is required to help you pin it down.Give yourself a chance of being with us. I would recommend owning your Hallucinations, Tactile and Paranoia with your immediate support network. The world has come a long way with regard to mental health. Even if actively seeking a possible diagnosis and medication for a serious mental issue and trying to own your situation with your fam is incredibly tough try that before you try the rope. People have come back from hell my friend and have started lives that resembled in no way shape or form their former wretched existence.', 'What kind of treatments have you undergone?', 'Uhm, you my man should definitely go. Someone Hyperactive behavior yourself that can engage a therapist on that level clear headed and analytical would benefit tremendously from the right therapist in my opinion. You need to find a therapist that isnt dumber than you which might be a challenge but not impossible. Once you do, he should be able to engage on a level you will find refreshing and very, very productive. ', 'Heh :PI can offer meaningful advise if I know the bare bones about your situation brother. I sometimes ask straight forward questions when a persons life is on the line. The aim is to put myself in the vicinity of your shoes and try to offer some help from my perspective. I honestly want to get the situation and listen to whats up.', 'Morphine skin patches? Ever been prescribed narcotics?', 'Im super trying my brother. You keep talking and Ill keep listening.If there is no help forthcoming I would still stand up for who you are and what your problems are which was mainly what I was on about. Stand up and be counted sort of way. This addresses your issue with boundaries and your problem with knowing where you begin and end. It really doesnt have so much to do with them. Im this, this is whats what if you agree fine, if you dont fine. It might not sound Hyperactive behavior much but its a boon when you come as you are clothed.Let me restate there are super many therapy and medication options out there. You shouldnt feel disassociated with yourself and perhaps a treatment that focuses on your personal narrative is what you should look for, these things exist. One of the hurdles of Mental Depression is Mental Depression about Mental Depression. When you realize your problem to such a degree that the problem and not just its symptoms begins to have its own weight on your shoulder its fucking tragic to heap that much more burden on someone Hyperactive behavior yourself. Your identity needs to stand tall with all its faults. Show yourself compassion to the same degree you would show someone else compassion.Will your living arrangements change after you graduate?', 'Hey man, I would not want to be in your shoes. Also what kind of loco therapist suggests church? What is going to kill you brother? How are you managing your Schizophrenia without medication o_O ?I would suggest you try to put your life in any kind of rhythm. Set up something you do twice every week. Try to do things in a set pattern. This eases the brain and can give you some clarity.The most important thing I try to impart is that you develop compassion for yourself. Remember true love, Hyperactive behavior a mothers love for her childe is all encompassing and includes all faults and mistakes and is always there. Its not a love that needs proving or justifying. It doesnt prevent you from feeling down but hopefully it can help you not to count yourself out.', 'My friend, we are here for you.', 'Your situation is very tough, your body isnt being helpful along with your very unfortunate situation.How was your mental situation over a year ago?Have you collected [welfare](http://www.ehow.com/how_15335_apply-welfare.html) yet? The program is there for crisis situations and the case workers are knowledgeable about substance abuse programs and how to help people with chequered past get a job. There are online [AA meetings](http://aa-intergroup.org/directory.php). There are resources out there brother. ', 'Having a one and one with a gun does not sound pleasant.Are there other things causing you Ache?', 'How old are you?', 'This is what took me a lifetime to discover, loving yourself is affording ourselves the same compassion. You would love a family member that was as flawed as you are. Of course you would because in their weakness they would need the extra compassion. You need to learn to be able to see yourself a little bit outside yourself and extend that same love and compassion to yourself that you so desperately need.', 'What are the therapy options that have been pursued?', 'F that Stress, want to play hangman?______ \| \| \| 0\| /\|\\ \| / \\\| \|', 'Im glad you had the wherewithal to do so.Is there a rift between you and your family?', 'Thats awesome, thanks random redditor!I have a good feeling about you, you seem to want the solution sooner than the alternative. Is your mom a super cool lady?', 'Have you an idea of why you are in Ache?', 'Yeah its true, it is a lot tougher.Food stamps usually are available to singles, OP should certainly try to get the assistance that is out there. In some instances Hyperactive behavior in California it varies even from county to county in how the system works. Food stamps usually depend on your income, general asset level and of course dependents.General assistance programs also vary from place to place, with some programs that are tied into Disability. Its tough to tell when you dont know OPs area.', 'Absolutely brother, youll find that once you start moving along things arent as intimidating as they might seem, thats almost always the case. Our brain is WAY scarier than reality. So much of our Ache is often intangibles Hyperactive behavior dread or how we perceive other peoples perceptions of us. People tend to want to help those who are helping themselves regardless from whatever hellhole they are starting from. The nature of most brains is that bad memories fade and the good ones remain so we usually have a shot at redemption. Why dont you start a journal cataloging your thoughts and experiences on your journey ahead. You could turn it into your own personal CBT therapy by only not allowing yourself to write down self destructive thoughts.And get your ass to AA meetings, they are important for your survival. If you have to make a two day journey sleeping on the sidewalk to get to one I would do that. Its so much at once, support for your addiction, networking, structure and inter-personal therapy. First meeting doesnt go so well, go again, second meeting doesnt go so well, go again third doesnt..etc till 1000 meetings. Then start the process again.Best of luck brother, maybe you will find someone down the road in a similar place you are now and you will be able to help them with the experience you are just about to acquire.Come back here and spill it whether its going good or bad.', 'Seems Hyperactive behavior things are pretty damn bleak. Im going to ask a few questions to clarify.* When did your downward spiral start?* How many different medications have you tried, can you remember them all? * Are you in any sort of cognitive treatment?* Do you pass the time at all besidea in a semi-coma; playing video games, reading or masturbating(can be tough on Xanax)? * What kind of schooling have you lost?* Did you enjoy any activities before, what were they?* Did you ever think about the future before you were afflicted with Mental Depression or has this been going on since Schizophrenia, Childhood?A bunch of questions :P but I hope youll take the time to answer them. ', 'Good move. Could you get back to us after you have contacted your therapist, or even if you dont?', 'Im glad you have a proper diagnosis friend. After reading up on fistulas on wiki they seem to be a damn piece of work! (understatement of le century?)What are the Ache management options presented to you? Is there a support network?', 'Have you loved other people in your life?', 'He was a meanie, and was super sad about it, so he, Hyperactive behavior, got his shit together.', 'Can you speak to your loss? ', 'Dont debate religion, Im sure you guys are of the same mule stubborn stock. Come clear about who you are, sexually and emotionally. See if they stick to the tenets of love in their religion. Do at least something brave before you dont.', 'I hope Im not being terribly morbid when I say those two experiences sound very interesting. Your medical situation seems Hyperactive behavior it would benefit from a varied and multi-pronged assault. There are FABULOUS therapists out there, genius level people if you can find them. Ive seen people rise from the grave on the right med and I know people who need their meds switched around every few months or so as they build up tolerances.* How would therapy be the most likely to come about?* Are you comfortable seeking another doctors opinion, about trying an alternate type of medication?* Ever think about taking the lsats? Youve got liberal arts and paying off students loans forever written all over you my friend.* Not even your parents? You didnt really detail the cruelty of your household.', 'Would your family assist you, do they care? There are sometimes low cost therapy options, what is your area?The brain is uncharted territory, ask about other types of medication if possible and ask the doctor about your options.', 'We are here man, thanks for being there for others. So much Ache stems from our Ache from perceived failures or potential failures. Ive felt this too and I wish we could move beyond some of the western success barometrics. We are getting killed by the past and future. Ive been trying, and I invite you, to see myself in the now free from things I can not change and free from things I havent even done yet. It sometimes lifts mountains off my shoulders. ', 'Well I dont know much at all about you guys and I dont know the tenor of the message. My thinking is that when you give into these juvenile patterns they will only continue. You tried his little hellish "prove yourself" week and youve been isolated and mistreated emotionally. You need to show yourself some backbone here. When someone casts you to the curb, tells you fuck you and then comes back at his own leisure he is liable to be manipulative or at least incredibly unaware of how his behavior affects others. Does his message erase weeks of torment? Does his message make it all better? Patterns dont just go +poof+. They take time and perspective to change.Perhaps both of you need to grow up a little. Your happiness ultimately depends on you. He can fuck with it in the short term but in the long term its on you. Same with him, he needs to learn that he cant just fuck with hearts in the short term and expect everything to be ok in the long term, but thats on him. Maybe after you grow you can get back together who knows, Im sure you guys will remain friends down the road whatever happens.And remember its all about love and the pursuit of it. Dont let something about love, even love lost halt your progress in life. Love yourself and it will always be there. Love your faults, love and accept your mistakes and have compassion for yourself. ', 'Hello brother, it makes me happy we crept a little enjoyment in there for a second. :)While girlfriends (btw congrats there) cant handle a some mental mayhem because they are so personally vested great professionals Hyperactive behavior you mentioned will not be as phased as you might think. They will have thousands of hours vested in Reflex, Abnormal psychology and your thought patterns will be familiar territory. In fact the ones that have any kind of personal relationship with you will be relieved that you are finally able share your demons and doubly relieved because they will have answers for you.Indulge me here brother but If I were to armchair analyse you for a second you have straight up OCD. With the emphasis on the O part. Great and vast amounts of research have been done into your situation and its amazing you have made it this far alone.To me this further confirms actually what a great person you are, all the good things you have achieved despite accidentally having tuned into the radio from hell. The faster and more blunt and more open you can be with your doctor about this the faster you guys can switch the station.Go read the Wiki on [OCD](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive%E2%80%93compulsive_disorder) and see what you think.', 'Remember to look out for yourself and that whatever happens its not your fault. ', 'This can only be done with parental consent?', 'Hello brother, you have had a very tough break in life so far. Im glad you have a girlfriend even though she doesnt quite get it, so many are lonely and Depressed mood. The fortunate side to your dreadful family and environment situation is you could perhaps benefit more than others from altering your mindset, either by yourself or with therapy. Your Anger might be your potential, you are not in agreement with the shit that surrounds because you yourself arent shit and you do not belong. It could be the fire if properly harnessed that gets you out of there.There are a number of ways to learn a craft or a trade, make money Hyperactive behavior an ivy leaguer and move to Colorado. Plumbing might a Depressed mood job but you get paid. Boulder is an awesome town. If you are good people, once you have the liberty to chose your environment, you will find good people. Remember death isnt anything. No one can ever experience death its merely the time when a bodies function stop working.Talk to us brother. ', 'Yeah boss, what is your story?', 'You must feel devastated. I offer you my sincerest sympathies, Ive been there.As someone who has been let go by a person they love remember it wasnt really about you. Such viciousness does not stem from what you did. He wanted out and he wasnt brave enough to take it on himself so he forced you in a corner so he could have an easier out because somewhere deep, very deep, it Chest Pain him too. You might not want to hear this but your age bracket is a factor in the maturity of his actions here.The significant silver lining in there somewhere is the fact you take care of yourself and you say you are happy person when your interpersonal relationships are in good order. Its so fortunate that those can be established as fast as you have experienced them ending now.You know youve suffered enough, you know you do not deserve this suffering thats why you are looking for a friendly voice in this storm. Lets remember together that you were not made to suffer Hyperactive behavior this and we will surface again here together. If you need to chat Im here. ', 'That sounds Hyperactive behavior a very tough situation.A few questions:What has been your solace during this time? Do you feel abandoned by your family? Have you ever been on medication? What are the therapy options available to you? ', 'Am I understanding this correctly that the original Ache is from betrayal or emotional abandonment by family and friends? Or was it exasperated or replaced by it?', 'A quick few thoughts.You seem to at least now to be able to have an objective view about the situation, to me that is very positive! Does your school provide counseling? I would assume they did and if they do they could probably point you forward in your area. Maybe you could frame your conversation with your mom in such a fashion that it doesnt alarm her too much? A white lie about school Stress perhaps.There are a few out of office things you can do that have proven results. [Exercise](http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml) and [meditation](http://www.rightdiligence.com/category/chapter-1) come to mind, its all a big interacting contraption.Keep talking to us about it, I do hope you find at least some therapy option. There are some [workbooks](http://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavioral-Workbook-Depression-Step/dp/1572244739) available, and perhaps a communiy center has some options.', 'If a suicidal person gets trolled Im sure it helps that person deal with it if the community downvotes it into a oblivion, showing support.', 'Brother two things. Caveat: This is out of my ass. Somebody more knowledgeable please chime in.I highly doubt you will be held against your will on Suicide watch. I would imagine that reaching out and having a professional laying out a path for you will give you renewed vision and strength. In the scenario where a mental health professional determines you will fall by your own hand if not for an intervention, isnt that better than going down the end path? Maybe you could stay over night and go to work in the morning. I still dont think they would detain you unless you walked in with a gun to your head.We are here for you, talk to us till the sun comes up.Did you check out any numbers for a Suicide hotline? Those guys are friendly too. Talk to us both.', 'Having suicidal thoughts, especially thoughts you have no immediate inclination to act upon(immediate being gun in hand type deal) will not cause anyone to put you away. It can really Attention Deficit Disorder to your situation to be in secret and shame about things, if you have a good set of parents or siblings confiding in them would be a boon. You control the pace there anyways.A diagnosis will net you a either a prescription of something that might help you out of your funk and/or a recommendation for therapy. Your life is being adversely affected by your mental condition, its Hyperactive behavior you had any other kind of malady troubling its Hypothermia, natural to see a professional.I would want a good therapist to lay your burdens on, they are trained to listen to heavy truths and it could really help you out.', 'If you dislike the whole shebangery around the label just think of it as a situation speficic guidance counselor. Probably the best investment your gpa will ever make.', 'Try this if you [dare](http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/deep-brain-stimulation/MY00184), might as well try out cyborg living.Ever read anything by [Joseph Campbell](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Campbell)? He might mirror some of your experience as highly intelligent athlete. He wrote about the human condition and how we experience the world through myths and the psychology thereof. ', 'Sure, hit me up. I might be on tonight.', 'Do you feel Hyperactive behavior you have Exhaustion your options, socially and therapy wise?', 'Is it feasible to talk to him about it?', 'Active nihilism is very close to my way of thinking about these things.Deconstruction for deconstructions sake has always bothered me.', 'As I understand the USA still does not allow single mothers to perish without a roof over their heads or any food. Welfare cash+foodstamps and Phobia, Social services exists for the single parent, even if you were not working. There is also Temporary Assistance for Needy Families program or TANF. You would have time to work out the Disability and perhaps find some part time work. There are grants and scholarships out there too for the single mom. A kid nets you a fair amount of institutional good will.Heres a [list](http://helpforsinglemother.net/top-cheapest-and-safest-places-to-live-in-america/) of the best places in America to raise a child by yourself.This brand new life would be the biggest gear change you had ever experienced. But I imagine you are tough. Hell you might even meet a person who isnt venomous, science confirms at least half of us men are Elevated mood than average.', 'Take stock, get organised. Some people are poison minimize, your exposure to them. Talk to a therapist, be honest, mention your Anger and Mental Depression issues.Formulate a plan on how to gtfo. If you need 2 grand in the bank, plan on how to acquire it. Realize patterns reinforce themselves. To change a pattern you need to change what feeds the pattern.I understand your sense of self is damaged right now, take notice that you are Hyperactive behavior somebody learning how to walk again. With therapy and the correct Irritable Mood you can heal most of the damage.', 'You are worth my time and the rest of us here.You are now in a very troubling transitional period of your life and too often we loose good life to it. You are on the cusp of discovering the real world and all the wonderful sexy people in it. You want change? Well change is basically thrust upon you at that age with blinding speed. The fact youve undertaken a bunch of different things to see if they stick is very healthy to me, I should get off reddit sometimes myself. :PBefore you go down a sad path tell me, have you been in therapy or made your family aware of your situation? Ive known a few scratchers and pickers in my time, always good people who learned gradually to substitute that with something else. Perhaps you have a diagnosis waiting to happen that could save your life.', 'Sibling!Then in the Irritable Mood time keep talking to us and reaching out. If you find a spark somewhere let us help you fan it into a fire for you. Maybe you need to channel your Anger into this, maybe you need to construct a narrative to opt into for a while. Maybe you just need to be heard here, on neutral grounds a lot before you can really, actually co-operate with the people that have the power to make those lasting improvements with you.Remember, you are inherently good my sibling. Im sure later on your unique perspective might be of help to another down the road. ', 'Sorry, the topic interests me and I am interested in how Taoist beliefs interact with your emotional turmoil. Whether and how they are a relief and how in general they play in your scheme. I thought perhaps engaging your belief structures might be of benefit while you are in this dark place.', 'I thought there was almost no Ache Morphine couldnt lessen, Hallucinations out the central nervous system. Maybe you should try ECT.', 'Np.You need to catalog your experience. Start a journal on your journey, mix it up with some humor. Put it online somewhere.', 'Random suggestion: Instead of detailing a plot you could give him a character write up. Like a bio. This might help you develop a sense of your characters in your narratives and its a way less of an undertaking.', 'Absolutely. Sometimes we need to be told what we know, because sometimes we are too down on ourselves to really take our own word for it, I know that certainly applies to me too often.And I also appreciate the the kind words more than you perhaps initially realize. Truthfully its nice to hear every now and then but when its sincere it also means that someone has that little extra ounce to share and it gives me a good feeling for them at least for the near future. How I see it the only 100% dependable love out there is the one you put there yourself, thats why being good to people comes back around ten fold.', 'My brother you are in a ton of Ache over the beautiful feelings you have for another human being. We need people capable of true love in this world.If you want a chance with her. You will do this counter intuitive thing. You will create distance between you two and self improve.Currently things will not change and eventually she will find another person that excites her and provides comfort. Unless you have made yourself an option before that happens you will not get back with her. You are not an option now, you are tiding her over. Pushing her on the issue will push her away.Fortunately while the aim to become an option might initially be the focus for you, if you manage to get some independent positive steps going it will start to make you feel better and will soften the blow if things dont work out. It is a very, very initially hard eventual win-win. Follow the logic?PS: As a person who has been in love twice I know lightning strikes more than once. If you manage to show yourself some love and compassion and you will see beyond the current desperation.', 'Hello friend.Have you been in therapy?', 'Do you feel Hyperactive behavior you have expressed your bisexuality, are you interested in doing so?Im glad you are tight with your fam, have you expressed your situation to them? How extensive has your search for a partner been, if not so extensive what would you pinpoint as being your biggest hindrance?Have you ever talked to a professional?', 'Goes around comes around type thing?What about the whole aloofness and part of the pattern things?', 'Not really caustic? Thats a boon son. Are you on OK terms with them? Do you have siblings?What do you think of the book?', 'Man, sounds Hyperactive behavior a colorful downfall.I assume some treatment options have been attempted?', 'When something is taken away from you its hard and exhausting to run from that fact. But its possible to create something else, in so many ways, not instead but else. ', 'Hello brother, you seem to care about her a great deal. Is the lack of intimacy the chief reason why you find yourself in this place?', 'You wouldnt be "giving up" by doing a very hard thing to save it. You wouldnt be saying okie-dokie, you would tell him you respect his decision and subsequently become as attractive an option as possible. Railing against this will push him away.I want to Stress this isnt the only way to try to save a marriage, but its in my mere opinion the best shot.', 'Im not familiar with the process, what would be the practical step for you to take to do it yourself?', 'What precluded a return trip to the tingler? Ever considered an implant?', 'Oh heh, weird. Anyways I have felt exactly the same way. I think "we" as in smart asses are the hardest to point anywhere because despite any Ache we might feel we cant let go of our thought patterns which, at least in my case, we see as superior. Ive sometimes wondered if what it takes is a paradigm shift. Swallow the blue pill situation. Bottom out, burn out, or check out thing. I guess some people could accept jebus. Im a little bit older than you and while Im very good at avoiding things while they build up in the background a paradigm shift is starting to become more appealing. Just actually accept the fact that the way Im constructing my thought patterns isnt working out for me.Lately Ive been thinking about narrative psychology and working with metaphors as an inner drive substitute till it enables my drive to maintain itself on its own. I have little passion but creativity and brain power I have in spades. ', 'Friend, that fucking sucks.A few questions: How much can you move? Do you have a support network? what are the exams about? ', 'If you are still there..Reach out.', 'At first I wanted to shout "Motherfucker you have kids, snap the fuck out of it. You could be in prison and your kids would still prefer that to your death thousands upon thousands of times over." But you know that. Must Irritable Mood your Ache and the hole you are in is so fucking deep and so fucking hopeless you are Numbness to it. That must be a horrifying place to be. You might not Hyperactive behavior yourself but what you have accomplished is something to be massively proud of, supporting a family and putting a roof up and food on the table is not nothing. Being there for people while also showing up 9-5 is an accomplishment every day you do it.Its massively tough to be laid off in the current economy and you are going to have to keep searching and perhaps negotiate your payments while you look for a job. I cant magically create a job for you but I can tell you this, as long as you are looking for one Hyperactive behavior you are, that is a job and you cant do anything better than doing it. You are not allowed to look down on yourself for that at all. If you are doing your best then thats enough justification for you even if it isnt for somebody else. You have no compassion for yourself right now and its at times Hyperactive behavior these when you need it the most. You are afraid because you have a lot to lose - ergo you have a lot dont lose it on purpose. ', 'Honestly, that is not necessary to enjoy life. The only justifications to life is ising. But this also means some arbitrary end isnt there either. Free yourself from that burden man. That is living for the past and living for the future and suffocating now by the enormity of it all, lift those shackles off of yourself. Life shouldnt be utter crap. You feel Hyperactive behavior utter crap, and unfortunately the state of the condition is frequently thinking about ending it. Its a very catch 22 of affairs, its one of the chief symptoms and often why so many people die. The fact you have a very hard time geting this situation down to specifics feels Hyperactive behavior to me you are in a world of symptoms and we need a problem to deal with. Thing is, you started down this road 3 years ago. Seems abrupt to me. You need to find a sensitive person or professional to hear your mess out. Whatever it is, it could be anything, we are programmed to ignore it as a defence mechanism. Thats our Lack of drug effect system for these things and it frequently fucks with us. I kid you not, this could be as simple as a gastrointestinal issue, tons of things we dont understand about our body chemistry. People li	1	Indicator
[Me waiting for responses on a SW post after a half hour.](http://i.imgur.com/anL1W.png)', 'Wow. You have had some awful things happen. I think its good you came here though. To put it in perspective, after reading your post, I looked at your karma points: 0 karma. So telling. Your post is long, so please forgive mine for being long. This isnt a hotline, and I know that there isnt much we can say here, but some of us can give our opinions and Muscle Weakness advice. Here is mine:There isnt much I can tell you. Nothing I can say can make your situation easier. And if I were to come on here just to try to make you feel better, it probably would be disingenuous. What I can say is that I guarantee you arent alone in your type of situation. We live in a society that glorifies sex and being a virgin or being unable to have sex is truly heartbreaking when you are absolutely surrounded with graphic images of sex and commercial messages that say that sex is money. Its absolutely nightmarish, what has become of it. Seems Hyperactive behavior everything is about sex and money. Everything is about pleasure, evolution, or the justification of one or the other. A tree can bud and the flowers bloom, but the flowers dont intrinsically reproduce. Just because you arent reproducing doesnt Irritable Mood you arent a flower. I know that sounds totally gay (in the definition of merry, cheerful, etc - disclaimer), but its not. Its religious and spiritual. Look at nature. The Genital Diseases, Male beta fish puffs up beautiful, and most of them die. The peacock has feathers as beautiful as the plant has flowers. If you look at nature, youll see that a lot of the males in the animal kingdom actually dont reproduce. But if you look at the species as a whole, youll see that the sections with the most beautiful flowers produce the most fruit. You might not be reproducing now. You might not ever reproduce. I havent, and I might not ever. But if we were peacocks, you and I would still be puffing our feathers. And we might still reproduce someday. But we are not animals. We have endowed to us wisdom, strong free will, and understanding. Characteristics that are without a doubt not endowed by nature to other animals. Youre a human with an amazing story, and it touches me. Some men are not virgins simply for the reason that they didnt want to be virgins anymore. But no matter what advice Id give, I think that its one of the hardest, and darkest, aspects of modern human life and society to come to terms with. But look to history and humanity. Sex is not the answer. If our society could gird our loins for just a bit, we could help our brethren. In an evolutionary standpoint, its about society. Evolution has helped us, as humans, become better evolutionary beings. You blog a lot. You seem awfully sad. But I read what you wrote here, and read a bit from your blog. You seem to be trying to make an awful forceful effort to influence society. My friend, you have! You say your friends are mia, but Ive read what you wrote here. I wish I can have more perspectives*edit: from above, we are animals - that sentence was worded wrong, probably. but we have traits that make us wildly different from other animals on earth.	0	Supportive
Man, I know what you mean.Its that proverbial downward spiral to death. Were supposed to just make it happen, life, somehow, someway...I guess, I dont even know anymore, none of this makes sense or is or was fun in the slightest ever.	1	Indicator
To everyone who responded to this post. Thank you. My names zack. It was very nice of you to try n stop me. But its too late. If this doesnt work a rope will. Death is the only thing that will stop this Ache and Anger and undesire to live.', 'Just pray I dont go to hell. They say if you commit Suicide you to straight to hell. Its the only reason why I havent this far. Im just so Social fear to go to hell', 'Its already done my friend. Whos going to miss another fat Wisconsin kid? No one. Im alone.', 'Tis too late. Did my research. This will suffice me not waking up. Im done with this world. Done with hearrbreaks. Done with being alone. Done with so many things.', 'Goodnight my friends. Iv always loved reddit. Bless all of you for listening to me ramble. Goodnight.', 'Having this type attention till the end really is helping though. Makes it easier. Better than listening to Sam Smith stay with me over and over again	4	Attempt
My heart goes out to you. Im in a similar boat: I hate myself for fucking up and putting myself in a Depressed mood situation. Ive got a little girl and I think shes the only thing keeping me here. Ill probably fuck up worse in the future and she may come to hate me. But even if she does, I know shed feel better being able to yell at me. If I kill myself, she will just hate me and not be able to do anything about it.If Im there, shell probably be Anger. But Id rather her be Anger instead of sad. Also, I dont want her killing herself by my example.I hope you dont jump. If it helps at all, I want you to live.PM me if you want to talk.	2	Ideation
That drives me crazy. The text goodbye was clearly a call for help- if he actually wanted to kill himself he would just do it without trying to reach out. I would never do something Hyperactive behavior that; Im either going to live or get this over with and die. Im sorry this may have been inconsiderate, I hope the both of you improve :) and I dont care for anyone. I just feel completely dead. I dont look forward to seeing my friends at school, its all shallow. I hate trying to act happy all the time, but whenever I begin to explain my Mental Depression it becomes far worse with the added anxiety, they could tell anyone. Im just done.', 'My dad is actually part of the trust issue- he always takes my moms side. I am always guarded around him, Ive tried to loosen up but I keep searching for all the ways he could manipulate me (Hyperactive behavior tell someone else about my weaknesses) I guess I depend a lot on my own appearance, speaking about what I actually think about seems too risky. I cant trust my friends, my relationships always last about two years. I used to have a therapist, but I kept canceling and recommitting over and over- its not fair to her. I also found myself lying constantly, for no reason- I dont really know how to describe my emotions, its all too complicated. I kind of wish I could go back but I dont even have goals, so theres no point. Thanks for answering though, I dont know what to do.', 'But I dont know how to depend on people. Isnt that how you survive in the real world? I hate revealing parts of myself and asking for help. I much rather die than hand out resumes to random strangers, and become vulnerable to anyone. I want people to leave me alone. I just dont see myself capable of functioning in this. I have hobbies, but whats the point of them? You would just do them for yourself, and I feel incredibly guilty whenever I do anything for myself (not to mention this hopeless Mental Depression and perfectionism which seems to make it pointless)	2	Ideation
Have you found any courses that are close by which would interest that are near by?One thing I was doing was writing down how much Im guaranteed to get paid by a certain date. Then look at which things I definitely need to pay off first before buying anything Hyperactive behavior food. Is there any chance you can work some overtime at this sales job? ', 'How long have you had this job for?Im still in a lot of debt as well and had to move back home with my parents just to cut costs in anyway.', 'I dont want you to kill yourself, please talk to me or anyone else that commented here', 'Short-term your focus should be selling cars. Literally find anything about selling cars that is going to get you commission. Have you spoken to your Manager about offering some advice and what you could be doing to improve?Remember they offered you the job for a reason you clearly have some potential.', 'Thats good, try to stick to it :)', 'Hey Buddy, I cant Im in the same situation but there are a few similarities. I too have got thousands of pounds of debt from Uni (live in UK) after not even completing four years. In my overdraft, credit card debt and unemployed right now.Was at a job as well where I wasnt terribly good and fairly Depressed mood during that time not really knowing where the hell I was going. Is there anyway to extend the debt repayments so that you could save some money to go for some night classes that are IT related?', 'Hey, I dont know what your situation is but I can tell you this. After bottling up my Mental Depression slowly over the years, one night I just bought alot of alcohol to just make me Numbness for that evening. I woke up in a hospital with my dad and mom waiting for me to wake up after apparently almost killing myself through drinking alcohol.One thing I would say is please dont bottle up your issues, try to talk to a friend, family member or even someone on the internet. Please message me if you struggling :)', 'I think you should keep at this sales job for the time being.Only a month into a sales job I dont see no reason to quit right now even if you are struggling with commissions. Give it another 2 months and if things havent improved at all maybe look elsewhere.	4	Attempt
Jesus, you still have it after two years? Ive never taken more than 20...well except one time when somebody slipped it to me...50 is a lot. ', 'How do you get that training?', 'Wow. I have an "abnormal brain". I think the combination of the caffeine and theanine is the trick...although I havent tried the theanine supplements alone. You get the lift, but are also relaxed.Is there good evidence that caffeine is contraindicated for bipolars?', 'That seems to contradict my experience. ', 'This is a serious question: Why are blackouts bad? ', 'At 0:24 you see a look of genuine concern pass over Antonys face. Then he storms in full of anger.Vorenus is a military man and will not be consoled by calming words. Antony thus speaks to him in language that he will understand. The language of the battlefield and training ground. Antony demands why he hasnt killed himself. This seems cruel, but it is not. By asking "why have you not done your duty and opened your stomach?" he reminds Vorenus that Vorenus has already chosen to live. Vorenus is a Stoic, and thus fears nothing but that he will fail to do his duty. Antony wont tell him its not his faut. That wont help him. And its a lie. He fucked this one up. Fucked it up bad. And rather than pull him out, Antony meets him where he is. Vorenus is a man of action. Through the series he is Confusion by sentimentality and human relationships, but he is at home when he acts. His only possible redemption is in action. Antony promises him a mission, a chance to be useful, to once again serve Rome, to ride on the wind of his duty. At 3:02, Antonys face softens. Instead of "Centurion" Antony calls him"Lucius." And then he pulls him in for a genuinely tender hug.\xef\xbb\xbf', 'Decaf tea might be a possibility. Herbal teas do not contain theanine, so theres no help there. ', 'Have you considered, instead of killing yourself, isolating yourself from society? You could join a monastary, or work in antartica. ', '1)That however much I crave death, I still have work to do on this earth. "I would love that above all things sir. But, Dis is my master, and he will take me when he chooses. At present he wishes me to suffer. Here. On this earth." 2)That I need to pull myself together. "STAND AT FUCKING ATTENTION WHEN I"M TALKING TO YOU" 3)That I need the influence of those who will pull me out of Mental Depression and get me back on track. (Pullo goes and fetches Antony.)4) That I need professional help. Pullo is unable to help Vorenus, so he goes to Antony. Antony is Hyperactive behavior a shrink."Hes gone awry, sir. I dont know whats to be done with him." 5)The importance of routine and ritual (Vorenus immediately responds to his military conditioning.) 6) The source of my grief is that my friend killed himself. I turned my back on him. Literally turned my back. I know, intellectually, that its not my fault, but those words dont help me. "Caesar is dead, and it was as good as you held the knife"7) That I must not let Mental Depression spiral out of control and make things even worse:"Not content to let our great father die, you start a damn war on the Aventine that threatens to engulf the whole fucking city!" 8) That no man is beyond redemption...not even me. ', 'You dont understand. Im not worried about her, Im worried about ME! ', 'I take it too. Its wesome!', 'Thank you for the compliment. I havent seen my shrink in a long time, but I have an appointment. And I am medicated.Thank youfor the probing questions...I think I learned a lot writing this. ', 'When she said the gun was unloaded and she had no bullets, I said ".38?" Indicating that I could go get my own bullets. That went right over her head. I wanted to prove it. But I was wrong, you cant just buy a bullet. Thank God. She is clueless and insensitive. After all, says she, the Ache of losing a college buddy is nothing compared to a father and a brother!She knew I was watching that "Rome" clip over and over. "Caesar is dead and it was you that as good as held the knife!" I showed it to her, and she didnt get it. ', '"I would Hyperactive behavior that [suicide] above all things. But Dis is my master and he will take me when he chooses. At present, he wishes me to suffer. Here, on this earth. \xef\xbb\xbf"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWnVH8x9iAMI wont kill myself, because I never want to make anyone feel the way I feel now. ', 'I tried seroquel. It put me into DEEP depression, Hyperactive behavior staying in bed all day. ', 'Yeah...the ritual can get fairly elaborate, as in the Japanese or korean tea ceremony. ', 'God. Story of my life. I spend hours pacing back and forth thinking through porjects, but I dont finish them.', 'Good?	4	Attempt
I understand that feeling. Completely. I was ruminating on your second sentence, as it relates to my life, the other day. If I dont play it perfect, people avoid me because Im "trying too hard" or am "aloof."Im surrounded by people, but no one wants to be a friend or lover. My family is thousands of miles away. Theyre the only reason I havent killed myself yet. Theyve given me so much more than anyone. Sometimes I think its more than I deserve. I was thinking about "it" today, but I wasnt going across the right bridge. Today was a disaster in slo-mo. A waking nightmare.Do you want death, or do you want an end to suffering? That often is the real question that may or may not help you. I dont know, Im in the same place rambling to fulfill my own needy ego. I wish you the best, stranger.	2	Ideation
Dude, youre doing pretty well.I interact with women all the time, and they dont want anything to do with me - expressly noted, in black ink, written on their foreheads; their faces.At least you have a chance. Please take it? PLEASE.You have no idea how lucky you are, some of us ARE going to kill ourselves from decade+ Sad mood spells. It only gets worse, you only get more neurotic and hate yourself more. There is no release, no one gives a fuck about your problems, you just wither away; dissolve into nothing, depressed, alone, torn to shreds by tension, a husk of your former self, long lost to dissociative states - the only way to deal with absolute failure once you understand what it is, and its place in your life.Just fucking do it, PLEASE.	2	Ideation
Working is the only thing that doesnt make me feel numb. I feel Hyperactive behavior my work is the only thing I am good at.', 'I moved from ATL to SF about two months ago. I didnt have many friends at home. I worked really hard so I could provide for her and hopefully start a family. She didnt appreciate everything I did for her. I had some people I would have a drink with, but nobody close. I am an outcast to my family. They are super religious. I got kicked out of Drug abuse school for drugs and they dont talk to me now after my divorce.', 'When I got kicked out of High School it was from Christian school. Christians are supposed to be understanding and forgiving. From that day forward I was never allowed to talk to any of the kids I knew. The parents would hang up on me when I tried to call. Stupid shit Hyperactive behavior that. I would never step foot in a church again. I dont really have any faith. I dont believe there is some inisible dude watching everything I do. ', 'I used to game a lot but here lately I just sit at home in my room and either drink or Crying Reflex, Abnormal myself to sleep. I dont really have any interest in anything right now. My hobbies are work. I do that so I can continue to have a place where I can sleep. I had a gun for a long time but in a moment of clarity I sold it. I have had so many people tell me that I have so many issues. I just need some positive influences in my life, but can never find any. I am so Exhaustion of it always being the same.', 'I try to cut her off. I have changed my number twice and she still gets it. I just moved across the country and have no will power to do any of those things. I work about 60 hours a week and I am just so mentally and emotianlly drained that I get in bed as soon as I get home. I have been so Nausea all weekend that I have barely Ventricular Dysfunction, Left my bed.	3	Behavior
Listen, OP.You dont have to have a girlfriend. Like, you wont keel over and die. You dont "have" to kill yourself. Like, no one is holding a gun to your head.~ Reddit users take everything literally, or at least do when it allows them to not communicate under the guise of communication. To float words without meaning. What youre really asking for is advice. I wish I had some. It seems Hyperactive behavior you need some degree of (at least willful) ignorance in order to get along with others at an extremely intimate personal level. Wide-eyed, full-consciousness is hardly accepted. As far as I can tell, life is about making money and having sex/building a family. If you cant get those things, what is the point? I dont know. I can pretend that humans dont need intimacy, I can even believe it, but its not true and the data/knowledge we as humans have confirms this. Its Abnormal behavior how many young men are Ventricular Dysfunction, Left out to Thirst right now, yet we obsess harder and harder over perceived inequalities facing women in the western world. Is it going to take a Localized Rash generalised of suicides to get people to care? Would even that make a difference? I kind of doubt it. People are callous.	1	Indicator
Right?Im actually a bit Social fear these days, I thought things were going to get better. I live in a place where Im surrounded by people my age - just fucking tons of them - and no one wants to do anything with me. When my neighbors wont do more than talk to me in a patronizing tone, then hook up with each other. Where associates and peers are constantly dating, moving on with their lives; and they just give me that look. If I dont initiate contact, contact is never made, beyond pleasantries. It never goes anywhere. Friendships ended when I stopped calling. No one shows any romantic/sexual interest, unless theyre a good looking dude behind me.I think Im eventually just going to get fed up and buy a gun. That seems way easier than jumping, a bit more control over when and where.I was where you were at your age, well, mostly. Give or take. My 20s were just shame-filled days, smirks in my direction, Phobia, Social cuckolding, and eventually getting to the point where all I can do is scream inside my head, spend an hour here and there curled up, wondering where it all went wrong, why people wont even give me a chance. The sexual frustration is mind-boggling, I dont really masturbate, too shameful, too aware of the fact that its not supposed to be done by self, by hand.It seems to be some combination of looks/attractiveness/height/etc., confidence (at the right time, in the right way), happiness, stoicism, being in the right place at the right time, projecting the right image, not projecting an image at all and just being yourself, navigating a Phobia, Social minefield laid and fucking magic.	1	Indicator
It really is Hyperactive behavior that, isnt it?Loneliness never leaves. Even bringing it up incites mockery. I was thinking earlier today about how Ive wanted to die, more or less, for over a decade. I keep telling myself it will get better, or there is always some other thing to try, but that appears to be nothing more than a lie. A carrot on a stick to string me along from day to day. People in solitary confinement eventually go insane. I feel Hyperactive behavior I need to kill myself before my Sad mood consumes whatever small bits of human are Ventricular Dysfunction, Left in me.When I had friends, I remember that happening. Im in my late 20s now, so most everyone I know (knew) is in relationships or getting married. I havent been touched in almost a decade. I cant even bring up how much that hurts without Abnormal dreams mockery. It does Chest Pain though. It hurts so much I want to cut myself, something i havent done since I was a teen. But what else am I supposed to do? I have to let these feelings out somehow. Meditation cant cure the need for human contact. I guess its my fault, it has to be. I just dont get what is broken about me, or what I did wrong in a past life to be so inherently offensive as to not be worth touching. Am I made of poison? Am I poison? I wonder that sometimes. I must be. Its scary what other people wont tell you about yourself, that they clearly see.I just dont get it, and no amount of personal change or venting will change it. I dont get it. I guess I am broken and do deserve it. Death appears to be a slow journey. I understand why those statistics ramp up as you get a bit older. You forget the lies you told yourself to make it each day.	3	Behavior
Thank you for understanding. ', 'I guess you didnt read. If youre just gonna sit here downvoting without even knowing what Im about, you should just leave, man. Youre not helping.', 'Abaolutely correct. It is hell.And coping? The only method I have for coping with this Mental Depression is self-harm.However Ive stopped for about two months. And right now I feel terrific thanks to [this guy](http://reddit.com/user/legend_of_derp)s very wise words.', 'Did you even bother reading the rest? I hate repeating myself, so why dont you go ahead and take a look at why Im really suicidal.', 'I might put up one more update. Stick around.', 'Well, Ive got time. But theres quite a lot "going on", could you be more precise on your question please?', 'Easier said than done, indeed. I simply cannot see the light at the end of this tunnel. I dont have the power to push through. Nobody will care when Im gone, too. Maybe a few of the friends that I still have left, but the Ache would go away quickly and theyd forget about me. ', 'Thank you. Firstly, Im miserably failing my school year. I feel very unintelligent and Im under the impression that I wont be able to get ahead in life. Im ugly; Ive suffered from Anxiety Mental Depression in sixth grade which lead to an eating disorder and now Im disgustingly skinny. Ive lost a lot of friends this year, and I can barely express how fed up I am with life. The only thing thats held me back from killing myself to this date is the fear of death itself. But if things keep going the way they are, I just know I will within a matter of weeks.', 'Firstly, holy fucking crap. This got much more attention than I expected. Thanks reddit. Ill try to reply to as many of you as I can.', 'In a weeks time...let me see. My girlfriend broke up with me and I feel literally 10x shittier than I did before.', 'Well, I guess it differs between people. Because Im torn, heartbroken, more Depressed mood than I ever was. She was the only person I looked forward to seeing every day. She was the only reason I still wanted to live.', 'I have nothing. Thats why Im here. Ive lurked on SW for months. Now, I knew it was my turn to reach out, because I have nothing else.', 'Damn. That doesnt help at all, yknow that? ', 'Aboslutely. It feels good to be back.', 'Your words are incredible. Having read that, I actually feel happy. I havent felt Hyperactive behavior this in months. I dont even know how or why, Im speechless I really am. I dont know if this will last, but I will remember those wise words.Thank you.', 'Nothing, as in I have no other avenues of support. You misread.', 'Im speechless. I really am. I always see at least 1 negative thing in everything, except you. Its strange. Im really speechless.Im gonna stick around for a bit longer.', 'Kind of. I havent really changed my decision, but you people did change my opinion on life itself a little.', 'Actually, I have found one talent in myself, Guitar (Coincidence much?). And the fear of death itself can be described Hyperactive behavior so: I wish I was dead, but I dont want to die...in a nutshell. However if I had more simple methods of killing myself (meds, etc.), I really wouldnt mind just going for it. Hell, if I already was on meds, Id certainly try to kill myself with them. I probably wouldnt even be here right now.', 'I cant. I just cant. I am not a valuable human being, and I know it.', 'Hmm. Probably shouldve mentioned Im actually 14. \xe0\xb2\xa0_\xe0\xb2\xa0 And cause you asked, Im in Quebec.Also, things actually HAVE been getting worse. A lot worse, Hyperactive behavior I expected. My girlfriend broke up with me today and I literally have nothing to look forward to in life. My desire to die is SERIOUSLY at its highest right now. And I cant do sports because I am not fit enough. It hurts whenever I run, even if its for short periods of time. I usually play guitar in my spare time, as mentioned earlier.', 'Actually possessing the power to push through, and just the presence of it, are two different things. I dont possess the power nor the will to push through.	3	Behavior
For motivation; http://www.reddit.com/r/motivationand as for your Anxiety Mental Depression and fears, Ive been there, and its fucked up and scary and you dont want to do it, but you have to stand there and face them, and go out of your way to make yourself uncomfortable or they just get worse and worse.', 'Relationships have a curious way of evolving. The ones that tend to be short-lived, fickle and unrewarding are the ones that come about very quickly. The ones that develop out of friendships are the ones that come about slowly, but when they do come about, they are the ones that last. Now, he may have known her shorter than you, and they may be in a relationship right now, but what is his first move in it? To try to make his friend look Hyperactive behavior a dick. Thats not the makings of romance. Thats the makings of a teenage fling. ', 'What subjects are you studying at school? Whats stopping you from dropping out and coming back? As for self harming, I think a lot of us have been there. Maybe not with the same feelings as you, but youre not alone in that sensation of just needing to Chest Pain something. Do you exercise much? And I dont care if youre being Depressed mood or sounding Hyperactive behavior a teenager, youre being honest, and you shouldnt apologize for that. And whats changed with your writing? ', 'What do you think he sees in you that the workers he laid off lacked? Are you looking at job prospects now? It sounds Hyperactive behavior it might be time for you to move on, especially if youre not enjoying it. And you shouldnt feel guilty about leaving him if the job is making you unhappy. Youre the most important person, and its good to do things for other people, but if doing something makes you unhappy, its just not worth it. ', 'Why do you say that you cant get along with anybody? What did you used to love doing? ', 'I think you should start exercising, if only to get things off your mind. It doesnt Chest Pain to give it a shot, does it? What can you do to change how needy and desperate you think youre being? And what do you think is the best thing to do with your boyfriend? Do you still want to be with him? ', 'Hi right back. Whats your favourite subject out of them? And if its cold outside, thats even better. Its winter, so what? Get fit for summer. Your house is small, so what? You dont have to exercise indoors. And why are you all of a sudden a Anger? >The Tale Of A Teenager Whining About How Shes Ugly.On the contrary. lots of people read Twilight. >Im sorry. Oh, god. Whats happened to me? When has it come down to this?I honestly dont know what youre talking about. Whats running through your head? ', 'Hm, I can relate, with everything youre saying, but I ask you this; what other options do you have? How much do you have saved away? What can you do with that? What have you always wanted to do, say? What do you want to do for the people around you beforehand? And additionally, give [this](http://www.menshealth.com/best-life/make-life-worth-living) a read, its helped me a couple of times', 'There isnt a requirement to drink anything in a bar, therefore no requirement to spend money. Are you looking for a job? What do you do with your spare time? ', 'Because its the truth man. Guys dont act Hyperactive behavior dicks for no reason, and more likely than not, he tried to act alpha today to make you look bad. By the sounds of it, all he did was make you and her both uncomfortable. ', 'Not stupid at all buddy. Im going to read your Post 1 now, in the meantime, whats on your mind? ', 'This might be a bit harsh, and I apologise if it comes off that way, but you need to address this otherwise things just arent going to get better. Youre acting the victim man, you have the mindset of a victim. Do you know the BED/OAR analogy? The mindset of a victim contains three things; Blame, Excuses and Denial, BED - as in, you make your bed and you lie in it. The mindset of a champion; Ownership, Acceptance and Responsibility - Row your boat where YOU want it to go. All I see from you is victim, Ill point the examples out: >I still only know a few people in this town and most of them are cruel and decided to try and make my life hell Excuses; Sure, some of them are going to be cruel and going to be dicks, but thats no reason not to be making other friends. Hell, its more of a reason to be making other friends.>I was Fired for becoming Violent despite not harming anyone execpt a desk.Excuses; It doesnt matter what you did, its the perception of the people above you - You have to play their game, move on. You lost a job, no need to hold resentment. >Ive lost my car giving a "friend" a ride to work, never so much as apologized.Blame; How was it his/her fault? Also, very passive aggressive. >socializing has never really been my strong point considering im upfront and honest about my feelings, seldom seen in a 22yr old male.Denial; Being upfront and honest is actually incredibly common, but its used with tact. Practice biting your tongue and just being friendly with people, you dont have to tell them how you feel every other second. In summary, my advice for you; map out every mistake youve ever made and learn from it. They are not the result of other people, no, they are the result of actions you made. Blaming other people doesnt help, hell, it only leads to the events replicating themselves. Ownership, Acceptance and Responsibility. What I think you need you to do: 1. Either find a job you enjoy doing, or go back to college. 2. Work on your temper. 3. Actively try to make friends, join clubs, groups, etc. 4. Bite your tongue when youre socialising. 5. If people are being dickheads to you, get rid of them, you dont need those kind of people in your life. 6. Work out what direction you want to be heading in your life and start working towards it. Also, Im really sorry if this come off Irritable Mood, I didnt want it to, I just want it to click for you. ', 'What do you Irritable Mood? ', 'Do you have anything that you want to do before you die? Do you want to lose your virginity? Do you want to graduate highschool? Do you want to make any changes? If you love her, why cant you try to be nice to her, keep yourself in check. Wear a bracelet or whatever that catches your eye so everytime you go to say something harsh, something Irritable Mood, something to bring her down, what you want stops you? Shit isnt easy - love isnt easy, but just because it isnt easy doesnt Irritable Mood you stop trying. And youve been rejected heaps, a lot of us have been rejected heaps. Hell, I was in love with a girl for a long time and she rejected me on and off for a lot of years, doesnt Irritable Mood that there werent opportunities though. Fuck guys, theyre dicks anyway. And who cares if youre a virgin? If I meet someone thats good to talk to, I dont suddenly think to myself; Wonder if shes a virgin; if she isnt Im not going to talk to her anymore. And you are good to talk to, fuck yes, youre good to talk to. And to summarise, you want to be loved, but you dont feel deserving of being loved. The question that you have to ask yourself is what you think you have to do to deserve somebody elses affection. ', 'On top of this, after this, just talk to her as you usually would, as a big brother Social fear for his little sister would. Its not your place to deal with her issues, but its good for her to know that things dont change because of this, that you arent going to look at her differently and treat her differently. edit: also, keep an eye on her, spend time with her, I know that when I was in a similar spot, and from speaking to people that have been in the same spot, a failed attempt tends to make the person just feel Hyperactive behavior more of a failure.', 'you know what, youre being unfairly harsh on yourself. Sure, some shit might fuck up, but you can do things well too. Youve probably done a lot right in your life, and youre probably doing a lot right right now, youre just ignoring it because you think youre fucking shit up. Honestly, make a list right now of the things youve done right in the last 24 hours, simple stuff, making food, wearing clothes, whatever, and if you feel that its not enough, go out and do something right, do something good, volunteer somewhere.What you touch doesnt turn to shit, but you have the capability to turn it to gold, dont sell yourself short. ', 'Most, if not all, guys know exactly how youre feeling right now. Its not fun, and it fucking hurts, and it makes you want to end it all, but you know, one day soon youre going to wake up and realise that youre starting to get over her, and a couple of days after that, you might hang out in a coffee shop and meet a cute girl that initiates a conversation about what youre reading. When it comes to girls, theres always another one, always. And, lets face it; if shes the type to do this to you now - did you really want to date her? ', 'Your reasons are beautiful. ', 'Im happy to spend tonight talking to you. What do you do for work? ', 'People are dicks. That is no reason for you to punish yourself for what theyve done. If you think that she was reciprocating, she probably was. Most people dont feel Hyperactive behavior the other person reciprocates unless they do. Today was them just being petty and immature, and I know it fucking hurts when people are petty and immature at your expense, but its not you that looks bad here. Its not you that did something wrong. Remember that. ', 'You know, youre thinking the wrong way. Youre only worthless if you dont learn from it, every single one of these are lessons, lessons that if you learn from, youll become a better person. What do you think you couldve done for people not to push you away? Lets figure out what you can do here man, because if you keep doing what youve always done, youll keep getting what youve always had, and I dont think either of us want that. ', 'Great work :) ', 'Get it all off your chest. Im reading post one now, but Id Hyperactive behavior to hear how it is now as well. And stopping everything will stop the suffering, but theres a lot of other things that can stop it too. What do you love doing? ', 'Hello there again. Whats changed? ', 'Hello there, What do you want to do before you go? ', 'Since when do you have to buy drinks at a bar?Since when do you have to spend money to have fun?Why cant you get out of the town?', 'Come Back.', 'Set it out right here, what do you need to do, in order of priority, and what youre going to do to get there. ', 'I respect you greatly for what you do here. Things may suck for you, be confusing, whatever, but at the end of the day, youre trying to be a better person, and youre making a positive impact on other people. Thats why I respect you, thats why I care. So if you need to chat, you can PM me. ', 'The fact is, he wasnt a dick because he doesnt Hyperactive behavior you, he was a dick because he was threatened by you. Big difference. As for what that makes you, it doesnt change anything right now. Girls arent ruined by the first person they date, shell be the same person once they end, if you choose to wait that long. If not, youre still the same person you are now, someone that girls Hyperactive behavior and guys feel threatened by. ', 'Then get the fuck away from it all. If youre seriously contemplating Suicide, why not spend what youve saved up for a rainy day on yourself? On experiences you always wanted to have? See the world, do some things youd never think of, live. When you come back, if you dont want to, then youre in a situation to find something new to do - that you Hyperactive behavior, with the added benefit of half a year of experience doing what you love, finding yourself. ', 'We dont hate you. What do you do as a job? What else makes you happy? & Dont end it, theres a lot of other options. ', 'Rallys? Hell, we dont even have Burger King. ', 'hey buddy. There seems to be a couple things going on here, can you tell me what your best friend did to stab you in the back? Do you know what happened with the girl-friend? Did you try to get in contact with her again? And as for the ex; well, she sounds Hyperactive behavior a 16 year old girl that isnt sure what she wants. If you stay silent, shell probably start talking to you again in a week about how she misses you. This isnt the be all and end all man, this is just the beginning. There are a lot of people out there that care for you now and will care for you in the future, people that will get you, understand you on a level that your friends now just dont. Youll meet guys that will be the most loyal, loving, friendly people, and girls that will fall in love with you and you with them. Youve got your entire life, youve got college, youve got finding what youre truly passionate about and doing it. Youve got a partner, youve got kids, youve got seeing them grow up, becoming a grandparent. Things do get better. Things are always changing, and sometimes, you just have to have faith in people, faith that theyll come back at the end of the day, that they love you Hyperactive behavior you love them, and if you do that, if you believe the best in people, well, youll attract people that believe that as well. Youre a good guy, one thats been through some shit, but youre here, youre asking for help, asking for a reason, and theres plenty out there. And if you dont believe me, if you think all people will stab you in the back, be dicks to you, forget about you, well, theres people right here taking the time to write to you, because they care about somebody they dont even know. Theres a lot of good out there man, thats reason enough. ', 'What used to be your favourite subject?How is your system bullshit? What reason do they give for not allowing you mental leave? You say youre a Anger because you want to cause Ache. I dont think your a Anger, I think that we all want to cause Ache sometimes, I think that a lot of things are unfair and that sometimes we just want to strike back because if life has dealt us such a fucking awful hand, why should we be the only ones that get it? Its normal, but whats remarkable is that despite the fact that all you want to do is cause Ache, you try not to, you care whether or not someone gets Chest Pain, you would rather Chest Pain yourself than someone else, and that makes you special, selfless. I dont care if your thoughts are straight, squiggly, square or circular, I dont care if theyre shapes Ive never seen before and as irregular as a nonsensical analogy. Id just Hyperactive behavior to know them, let them out. As for your best friend, well, she sounds Hyperactive behavior a good person that sees some good in you, and thats the glory of friends, they will forgive you, they will keep loving you. How does she reject you?', 'As far as I can figure, Australian bacon has a different, much thinner cut as well as a different smoking/curing process to American bacon, and due to consumer guidelines, the thicker, fattier cuts that you guys have are either: a) impossible to find, or b) unable to be sold due to consumer guidelines. Im going to need to visit the US to try it. Correct me if Im wrong, I hope to god Im wrong, your bacon looks so very good. ', 'I dont have aim, I have msn and skype, or passing both - tinychat? ', 'Why do you have to mooch off them? Do they live elsewhere, if so, cant you get a job there? Do you consider going back to college? ', 'You know man, things really arent that bad for you. I was incredibly ill when I was in Drug abuse school, Im talking four years of my life bed ridden every other day, with sporadic bursts of health. In total, over those four years I attended maybe 30 weeks of school, never had the opportunity to make friends and lacked the motivation or drive to try to study hard because I figured, if this is how the rest of my life is going to be, whats the point? Ive been where you are, and Im going to say this clean and simply, killing yourself really shouldnt be an option for you. Youre 23, I know, the years that everyone considers to be the prime of your life have passed you by, but youve already learned that grades and schooling and all that arent everything, that the conventional wisdom surrounding them isnt true, so whos to say that you cant have your fun now? Whos to say that you cant be the most socialable person when this semester is over. You learned that College is a different world to highschool, after college is a different world to college to. You can be whoever you want to be. If you look back on every chance youve missed, youre going to miss taking chances today. ', 'Have you tried dropping your resume into places and asking if theyre hiring? What else are you interested in? And yes, I have, theres also book stores and coffee shops as well as just on the street. And were not only talking about girls here, were talking about friends. ', 'Guys are dicks when they feel threatened. Its probably a sign that she disclosed to him that she has some feelings for you. The thought of that probably hurts a little, but if she likes you, well theres proof that theres something likeable-lovable in you. As for the low mood, man, Ive been there. Day in and day out, and it sucks, and theres nothing that I can say thats going to bring you out of it, but it does get better. It always gets better, sometimes, it just takes a little longer. ', 'I dont know the US school system, whats the typical assortment? And if you want to Chest Pain something, somebody, yourself, then just exercise, push yourself to the brink. Theres the bonuses of getting your adrenaline running and wearing yourself down so your mind slows, at the very least. Why arent you ever going to get your heart checked out? And it doesnt matter if youre only writing for yourself, writing is an art, a craft, and to become great, you need to practice. Plus, you seem Hyperactive behavior the kind of person with stories to tell, the kind of person Id read, the kind of person that would become great at it. ', 'If it isnt cancer, you wouldve killed yourself over nothing. As Sam said, talk to your parents, if that fails, check out free clinics. Theres a lot of plausible options that not only are simple and logical, Suicide is not one of them. ', 'It sounds Hyperactive behavior you want something else in your life. Maybe learn an instrument, take up painting, writing? Do some puzzles, learn something new. Are you exercising?What do you think youre doing to push your friends away? ', 'edit: mine is long, scroll down and read everyone elses first! :) 1. I want to see the world. 2. I want to fall in love unconditionally, perfectly. 3. I want to work on myself, to become better. 4. I want to learn a lot of things. 5. I want to make a positive impact on the people around me. 6. I want to be able to support other people, to help them out of whatever situations that they need. 7. I want to find a job that Im happy in, and work myself into a position where I can do the same for other people. 8. I want to see different realities, different outlooks, viewpoints, lifestyles. 9. I want to be nomadic. 10. I want to undertake large projects and complete them. 11. I dont want to die before my grandparents.12. I want to make my parents and grandparents extremely proud. 13. Ive had three people die this weekend past, and I dont want to have anyone feel as I did for them. 14. I think that we all have the ability to do brilliant things in our lives, and Id be doing myself and other people a disservice by not pursuing that. 15. Theres too many things that I havent read, havent seen, havent watched or heard, too many experiences that Ive missed out on, and I dont want to stop myself from experiencing the rest. 16. Random acts of kindness go along way, and if I dont make them, who will? 17. I havent seen enough bands live. 18. I want to be in a play. 19. I havent written a masterpiece yet. 20. No matter how bad things are now, tomorrow things will be different, not necessarily better, but theres a chance, and a chance is all that it takes. 21. I dont know if I Hyperactive behavior ballet or not. 22. I havent tried american bacon. 23. I havent watched a sunset with somebody I love, and watch the sunrise with them the following day. 24. If I die now, I wouldnt spent too much of my life on facebook/the internet to be happy with it. 25. I havent worked in a variety of industries. 26. I havent lived a lifestyle where Im consistently around people that I love. 27. I havent had a souffle. 28. I enjoy giving other people compliments, some people are far too frugal in their nice statements. 29. Poetic language is far too beautiful to leave behind. 30. I dont rest my hopes on an afterlife, so I have to make the best of now. 31. Hurting people comes with the territory of being alive, your life shouldnt be judged on the harm you do, rather, the energy you exert trying to make up for it. Ive done some things that Im confident I havent done enough to repay/make up for. 32. Theres a lot of kids out there whove lived awful lives, and if Im able to, I want to help them into a position where the cycle wont repeat. 33. Theres a lot of idiocy in media, ceasing to live means that Im not trying to prevent it spreading. 34. Too many people believe that they need to follow a script - High School, College, Grad School, Work until theyre X years old. They need to be shown/told that its okay to live in a different way. 35. Im Australian, were loved overseas, I may as well exploit that.36. I havent had a piercing or a tattoo. 37. I havent created a film or tried my hand at recording things. 38. Ive never painted a wall in the way that I want to. 39. I havent met a lot of people that Id Hyperactive behavior to.40. I havent exerted myself to better things around me. 41. I dont know how to play the piano42. I dont know how to play the guitar. 43. I help, or try to help people on here. 44. Losing people is hard. 45. Ive never been in a band.46. There are people that I can cuddle with at night. 47. Hipbones and collarbones. 48. Stars. 49. Alcohol and friends. 50. Late nights talking to people I love, people I dont and people I dont even know. 51. There are people that havent told me things that they shouldve, and I in turn havent told them things. 52. I havent pulled nearly enough all nighters.53. I havent seen all the Star Wars movies. 54. I havent seen Firefly, or BSG. 55. I dont know how to make a brilliant coffee. 56. Im not nearly as adept at cooking as Id Hyperactive behavior to be.57. Ive never cooked a meal for a girl. 58. I love my music, and discovering new music too much. 59. I havent had a beard for a prolonged period. 60. Ive never worn my hair long. 61. I havent seen Everest. 62. I havent learned Italian. 63. I havent seen the Eiffel Tower, or spent enough time in museums. 64. I havent filled nearly enough journals with my thoughts. 65. The feeling you get when you connect wit somebody straight away. 66. The long nights spent talking to people on the phone, ignoring how your ear hurts, finding other ways to press your ear against the phone because your arms sore, falling Somnolence to their voice. 67. I have the ability to make mistakes. 68. New years eve, Christmas day, Easter. 69. Circle of death. 70. Ive never taken dance lessons. 71. Ive never learnt to pole dance. 72. I havent been in a strip club. 73. I havent driven across a country.74. I havent seen the Grand Canyon. 75. Ive never met XXXXX XXXX. 76. Ive never taken photos with expired film. 77. I havent ever volunteered in a hospital. 78. I havent done volunteer work. 79. Ive never been to New York. 80. Ive never decorated a place by myself, in my style. 81. I havent tried every subway sandwich. 82. A girls never loved me unconditionally. 83. Late night swims.84. Skinny Dipping. 85. Every single person Ive ever met. 86. Ive never played beer pong. 87. Ive never toured with a band. 88. Ive never bought DJ equipment. 89. Ive never owned a strobe. 90. Ive never drunk out of one of those cheap red beer cups that are in every movie. 91. Ive never drunk from a keg. 92. Ive never done a keg stand. 93. Ive never attended a college party.94. Ive never been overseas.95. Ive never built anything beautiful with my own hands. 96. Ive never T-Pd a property. 97. Ive never experienced a true halloween. 98. Ive never been a part of a winning team. 99. I havent kissed every girl I wouldve liked to.100. Potential. 101. Leaves falling in autumn. 102. Knowing nothing about architecture. 103. Icecreams. 104. Real cheese. 105. Friends, car rides, music up all the way. 106. Pubs. 107. Big cities. 108. Beautiful clothes. 109. The sensation you get when you make a ridiculous shot. 110. Inspiration. 111. Big caves I havent seen or even imagined yet. 112. I havent seen the Cano Cristales. 113. I havent hooked up with a Swedish girl. 114. Ive never proposed to somebody.115. I havent written nearly enough letters.116. I havent paid enough attention to the classics.117. I havent learnt enough history. 118. I dont know the law process. 119. I havent fixed enough things with my own hands. 120. I dont have a mastery of the english language yet. 121. Ive never shot a gun. 122. Ive never been on a real roadtrip. 123. I havent given a eulogy. 124. I havent written a screenplay thats been produced. 125. I havent tended to a garden. 126. I havent lived rurally. 127. I havent had a fling with a girl that only spoke a different language. 128. I havent read every book that has won a pulitzer prize. 129. I havent read all of the BBCs top 100 of all time.130. I havent learnt any programming languages. 131. I havent travelled the world. 132. I havent gotten into a fight. 133. I havent had to learn to fight.134. I havent smashed a beer bottle threateningly. 135. I havent pulled a charming Hi, Im her boyfriend. on a guy thats obviously making a girl uncomfortable. 136. I havent made an AMA with an interesting topic. 137. I havent responded to enough SW threads. 138. I dont have any trophies in my Reddit Cabinet!139. I dont have any trophies in real life. 140. I havent studied at a university. 141. I havent attempted a marathon. 142. I havent completed a marathon. 143. Ive never been at a fitness level that I would consider peak. 144. Ive never kissed a girl in the rain. 145. Ive never designed a poster. 146. Ive never busked. 147. Ive never worked retail. 148. I havent been to nearly enough dress up parties. 149. I havent ever hosted a party. 150. I havent been FrankNFurter at a Rocky Horror night. ', 'If i recall correctly, the way that its cut here differs because theres a limit to the fat content. Its why theres a lot more short cuts/thin cuts rather than just slabs. edit: I may be completely wrong.	1	Indicator
To answer this properly, Id first have to define better. Well go with the standard; "\tOf a more excellent or effective type or quality". With that being said, it wouldnt be better, for some. It could be better for, lets say, the planet? But its not an option because its the best choice. I cant live a normal life. I refuse to. I refuse to work. Ive tried school twice, and cant get the motivation to do it. Im not going to leech of my parents, or the government. Im Exhaustion of thinking. Its exhausting me. I cant stop it. The only solution Ive found is alcohol, but is that better? I need an absolute. Death is as close as I can get.	2	Ideation
Thankyouu, just did the first programme thing on the Headspace app. I am probably one of the most sceptical people on earth but that honestly helped to remove a lot of negativity from my brain and while it hasnt magically transformed me into a positive, life-loving person, its certainly suppressed the immediate urges to do anything destructive.Just purchased a year long subscription, heres hoping itll come to something! Thanks once again for your post, really appreciated! :) \xe2\x99\xa5 ', 'Thanks for such a long response, was a nice read.I would love to love life again, really. If I had even one good reason to get out of bed in the morning, that would be enough. I dont believe in hatred, but if I did I wouldnt wish what I feel upon anybody, even someone who I "hate". I havent had a reason to be alive since I was about 13 or something, and Im 18 and a half now. Its almost Hyperactive behavior Ive forgotten how to be happy, and what happiness means. I look around and I see people who are happy, and I feel so jealous. Even though I know that they may not be as good as I am at other things or in other ways, basic human happiness is an intrinsic need and one Ive gone without for far too long. Im consistently pessimistic even though Ive made several attempts not to be. Its almost as though I no longer want to try, every time I think I can be happy or Ive found something or someone worth holding on to, something just inevitably fucks up Hyperactive behavior it always does, and I lose the last shred of happiness I was clinging on to. During the day I get up and go to university, feeling Hyperactive behavior a Depersonalization the entire time. I have "friends", although Id prefer to call them "social acquaintances" since I spend so little time with them. I just dont have the interest or effort required to be a sociable person. I leave and come home to my bed to cry, cut and Hypersomnia as soon as I have the opportunity. Wherever I look, I see happy faces around me, functioning, laughing, and deriving enjoyment from what Id perceive to be a sea of oblivion and nothingness. Whenever I dream, I see a world without sunshine, and a life falling apart. While I completely agree that finding genuine happiness and learning to love life for what it is again would be the ideal outcome, and while I do appreciate you recognising this and saying so yourself, I just simply think it will never be possible. Also, while Im obviously sad that you have been where I am now (and that your sister is in the same place), Im happy you managed to get through it (hope your sister does the same too) and its refreshing to hear what Id call a "real" response for once. Thank you so much for posting.', 'Well, I get that this is a completely rational way of looking at things but in times Hyperactive behavior this Im finding it hard to be rational. Ive been staving off this temptation for about a week or so now and its getting to a breaking point. I would absolutely love to be able to focus on something, I just dont know what Id be able to successfully channel my emotion into that would make my urges go away.Thanks for the response, and the encouragement. <3 no homo', 'Wait, so youre saying Ill get banned for asking about Suicide methods on a subreddit dedicated to Suicide, or am I misunderstanding here?Youre right when you say there isnt much living for, but trudging on is too much work. I dont derive enjoyment from anything in life. I thought I did once but thats over, and now the only thing I want is out.', 'I already had another thread on this but the Ache is just way too much for me to want to keep going. I dont want to regurgitate parts of it so http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/2rvob4/most_painless_way_to_go/ hf reading."what happened" is that I was born, and 18 years later I feel Hyperactive behavior rotten shit and want to die. Thanks for commenting (I appreciate your intentions, even if Ive seemed Hyperactive behavior a dick) but theres just simply nothing anybody can do to make me feel any better anymore.', 'Well, I hate for this to sound Hyperactive behavior some kind of dark joke (not meant that way because im far beyond the stage whereby id enjoy making or hearing jokes), but Im not really sure how big or sustainable a "Suicide community" would be for obvious reasons, although I agree it would be nice because thats really more what Im looking for. I dont want to be told that things are all okay, or that theyll get better, because I simply know they wont. I guess this subreddit is the wrong one for me.Thanks for your reply anyway.', 'The subreddit states that pro-Suicide comments are forbidden including any explicit discussion of Suicide methods.However it also forbids "anything thats not a direct, personal, supportive response to the OP". The most supportive thing someone could do (also the thing Id appreciate most) is just tell me the most painless way I can kill myself. Would this negate the points in the former rule?And if not, then if I may ask, whats the point of this subreddit? Not meant as an insult or in anger, just genuinely curious.', 'I just dont want suggestions for things Ive already tried, thats simply it. Its Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder enough for me to have to live through my day to day life knowing that there is no way Ill ever be able to feel happiness, without having that reaffirmed by the plethora of worn-out suggestions people on the internet decide to contribute.Id invite anybody who wants to comment to do so, just that Id have preferred it to be somewhat about the original topic. Sucks that it isnt allowed here.', 'Hey, thanks for reading and replying!I just wanna clarify that while Im happy to admit to being an introvert, I dont think Im by any definition "brilliant" and I certainly dont have some kind of ego that relates to this. I simply dont understand how other people seem to be happy and can socialise normally when it seems Hyperactive behavior they should be having a tough time at both.Your thoughts are pretty interesting. Being the type of person I am I dont really believe that Im loved by anybody and in fact Id probably encourage anyone who wants to get emotionally close to me not to do so as Id probably end up being a burden anyway since I believe that I have nothing of real use to offer to the world and Im pretty straight up about this.The second reason is pretty similar to what Im holding on to at the moment - Ive always told myself that hope is an illusion conjured up by a Muscle Weakness mind, but in this case I find myself holding on to it as my last resort. I dont hope to be a millionaire or to be famous or anything similar, I simply hope that one day I will feel true happiness again. I vehemently despise people who take that for granted.', 'I can relate to so much of this post its actually scary. Were both using anonymous accounts over the internet but its Hyperactive behavior you know my innermost feelings as well as I do (especially the part about making friends at university, and the part about resting my emotions on other people and the Nervousness that comes with it).My university doesnt have an outreach centre Hyperactive behavior that, but if it did Id be too Social fear to go to it anyway. The only thing that I think ever helped even slightly was seeing a therapist who recommended a book to me, called "The Seat of the Soul" by Gary Zukav. For some reason, reading it seemed to put a lot of things into perspective for me and make me feel as though my life wasnt really slipping out of my grasp. Unfortunately Ive lost it now though.However, speaking of reading, Im Confusion: when you said a youtube clip inspired you to start reading again, Im Confusion as to how such a simple trigger caused your life to seemingly take a U-turn for the better to the point where you are now (I assume) fully happy once again?Im not really sure I have any passions Hyperactive behavior that. I used to play guitar pretty well (at the age of 14 I was able to fluently play things Hyperactive behavior this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTkKMDhm6ds for example), but the motivation for thats gone now. I was into gaming for a while, however that was always Depersonalization for me and was merely a form of escapism. Its still cool to do sometimes but I dont imagine that itd be a very practical thing to take up doing frequently. Never really been into dancing much as Im a guy (just realised Id never specified that in my previous posts), however I started weightlifting about a year ago. I got pretty good but then, similarly to the way I played guitar, I dont really have the motivation to continue with it.I guess the one thing Im passionate about would be travelling and nature itself. I went to Norway by myself last summer and simply standing in the presence of something as majestic as the fjords made me felt more serene and Sedated state inside than Id felt in a long, long time. Was a similar story when I went to Finland and I literally just wanted to get lost forever in a forest because it was so beautiful. Not sure either of those solutions are that practical, either, though.Im derailing this a lot though now sry, my point was basically that I have absolutely no idea how Id distract myself from my Mental Depression thoughts whilst simultaneously trying to build up the foundations of a good life and an agreeable demeanour again. Its awesome that youve done it, however I have precisely no idea where I would even begin.	2	Ideation
Youll get there when you get there but it would suck to check-out early and find out there is nothing else. I dont see how dying is anymore interesting that living since in both we have to submit to a future we cant yet know.', 'Im glad youre going to see a psychiatrist soon.This may sound weird but when Im in crisis and I need to get a lot done I plan for the hospital. I even pack my bags and arrange things so all my responsibilities are taken care of. This has the added bonus of relieving your Stress with less on your mind. Then I go day by day. "Im ok right now so...Ill finish this paper/exam then Ill go." Gradually things will clear and I can avoid inpatient treatment. Well it worked this year but I usually have bi-yearly episodes that land me in inpatient. The hospital I was at was super cool and they even let me attend classes regularly but I dont know about the U.S.Also are you medicated? are you taking them? Is your family doctor supportive? Pressing ice on your skin can help with self-harm urges or drawing on yourself with red pen. Added bonus if you do both because the red ink will run and look Hyperactive behavior blood. Also dark corners of tumblr have videos of people cutting which can help to watch. It gives that rush of dopamine youre craving.We all care about you. I expect to hear back on how this goes <3', 'Youre not. Youre reaching out because you know or at least still hope that you are worth saving and you are. ', 'Yeah rest assured shes in the system and getting the help she needs.', 'Just stay here. We care about you and Hyperactive behavior you.Have you considered anything that could change your circumstances, Hyperactive behavior talking to a doctor?', 'I hear a lot of hate and self loathing which is probably spurring the cycle but Im sure you dont need a lecture. Although, how you treat yourself is the one relationship you have control. I doubt no one cares about you but Ill buy in. You can still care enough about yourself to live. Take a minute to envision yourself as a separate person from your immediate consciousness and do feel sorry for yourself. Why would you do harm to that poor soul? Do something to help and care for yourself Hyperactive behavior you would a friend. Then use that love and direct it toward interacting and getting support from others. <3', 'We hear you. Death is so final a solution. I think you are looking for a rest rather than an end, and you need to be alive for that. Its coming. Drugs are getting better and people are getting wiser. As for what youre capable of, take a look at what you just accomplished. An airtight, well-communicated idea of your own abjection. Not an easy feat. And that needed to be learned, so you have that capacity. To rise above where you are and become something more.', 'Youve already found a loving community here. Youre making progress.', 'This is what youre going to need to detoxify with a professional if youre going to learnt to love others and yourself again. I can only do so much', 'Its amazing youve lasted ten years without breaking. I think you have a lot of inner strength. I think the fact that youre reaching out Hyperactive behavior this is that indicative that you havent given up. Maybe gaining a bit of space will help you pursue something more concrete. You articulate well and any girl would be lucky to have someone so complex. Depressed is often mistaken for mysterious ;)', 'Maybe a different medication or an adjunct would help with the negative symptoms. ', 'Can you identify any underlying beliefs or are things too hazzy', 'Im here, whats going on?', 'shit that sucks.', 'Im here', 'That guy isnt your friend. Thats horrible.Your thoughts around Suicide sound more Hyperactive behavior Anxiety Mental Depression which fits with your earlier points. When I was Depressed mood I was afraid of what I was capable of doing to myself and that sent my Anxiety Mental Depression through the roof. Ill bet theres more going on in your life.', '10 years and counting. 7 years medicated. 2 years diagnosed. What about you?', 'That sounds great, especially since its something you can channel your strife into you know? Mental Depression and heartache improve it! just dont die at 27 Hyperactive behavior all the great ones ;)', 'You are a bit jumbled but heres what Im picking up on; you spend a considerable amount of time thinking about killing yourself, the care provided is too short-term/immediate-action to provide lasting care, and your feelings arent being appreciated holistically. That is to say, as a part of a greater whole. Help me understand.', 'You sound Exhaustion. Try not to dwell on things and give your mind a break. You need to submit to a future you cant see yet and there is nothing harder.Im glad you went to the doctor, it shows you still have the strength it takes to get help.', 'Ive been diagnosed with schizoaffective with Anxiety Mental Depression and Mental Depression and I frequently hang around r/schizoaffective. If you have questions post them there. Welcome!Ive learned to keep a journal of all med changes and how they affected me. Sometimes I decide to go back on stuff or I forget what Ive tried already. Doctors should do this but they are really busy and can forget.', 'Isnt it called neurosis if you dont believe it?', 'Everyone needs to be taken care of sometimes. In what sense do you feel you need to be loved? What is it thats missing?', 'God Ive been there. People in Drug abuse school are vicious. Have you considered expanding your group instead of changing. I Irritable Mood, gain more acquaintances and a change may open up. Im curious about the bully. Can you shift support onto your side with sympathy?', 'Can you say a bit more?', 'Are you still there? Lets talk.', 'A work in progress thats what you are. Your suffering is Hyperactive behavior molting. Can we know more about your circumstances? We can help give advice.', 'Ok. I had an experience when I was young, maybe my first Depressed mood feelings. In a way I blame myself for starting my illness with this before it became full blown but I felt Hyperactive behavior I was on a set "track" in life where everything was decided and conventional but by being Depressed mood and withdrawn I was getting in touch with me, and in a Nausea sense, I was appreciating time more even though I was suffering. ', 'if youre too Nausea to work you should be able to get disability', 'stop, youre killing me', 'Maybe you dont need to go all the way to a shrink but you could talk to a doc for advice. I think whats key is that youre Exhaustion but Suicide isnt the rest youre looking for...its just total finality. You have to be alive to appreciate the absence of pain. Do you have loved ones you can turn to about this?', 'Youre getting abstract; just known that the tenants your theory rests on, although they sound nice, arent made of lead. I wanted to kill myself this time last year but i wanted the uncertainty of it. Like, if I died that would be fine but if I lived its because I am supposed to. Or that Im killing off the part of me I dont want to be anymore, Hyperactive behavior a rebirth.Im curious what the people in the ER are thinking when you come in. Where they curious?', 'ice has saved my arms from a lot of scars but not allYou should know that piling up medications can slow down your mind and cause confusion. Oxycodone, zoloft, and prozac can all do that. Im worried because youre in school. But I appreciate youre self medicating and you dont really have a choice.', 'Dont tamper with the pills. Maybe you can talk to your doc about optimizing your dose to deal with the suicidal thoughts. When you say you drove people away, what exactly did you do?', 'There is a crossroad in therapy where a person realizes that they dont want to give up their problem because it would make it seem Hyperactive behavior the people who have Chest Pain us got away with it. Do you think youve fallen into this or has it just been so long you do remember what it was Hyperactive behavior to be happy?', 'You talk about society as if its a unified mass and youre the outside. I doubt any person who works at the hotline identifies as this. No one wants you to kill yourself. I have a belief that everyone is just doing the best they can. If it helps to know. Youre the most difficult guy Ive tried to help today. You even took some of my favorite phrases ;0Speaking as society right now, which would be hilarious if you knew me, I dont want you to kill yourself; I wish you were happy so you could be just another guy, but youre special. ', 'I almost went on it but I went on lamotrigine instead (a similar mood stabilizer) in conjunction with Haldol. My friend is on lithium and said it feels Hyperactive behavior he cant think but there was a study conducted which suggested people on lithium perform way better than they expect on tests when compared to people on other meds.', 'Whos telling you these things because you have to get rid of them. Also obtaining help would be confidential wouldnt it? ', 'Yikes, your Mental Depression is pretty far along. Do you think you could separate yourself from those thoughts. As in, Mental Depression is the lens through which you see the world and its doing this to you. Have you considered meditation or therapy?', 'Do you Irritable Mood drive away and live your dreams or Hypersomnia and literally dream. Theres no dreaming in death, its not the rest that you seek.Fun fact: if you tense your muscles a lot and relax them you reach a more relaxed state than before. I believe the same applies to the mind. The Tension your feeling will be superseded by a very blissful state of rest that you have to be alive to experience. But you have to put some work in.I send you my love <3', 'I know tylenol is especially painful', 'Are there any underlying beliefs or is this just free standing? Whats not worth it.', 'ok, now that Ive actually read it. You hit the nail on the head when you said that youre Exhaustion. I think when people are suicidal they feel Hyperactive behavior they have Exhaustion every option. But you just need to be creative and stop thinking in extremes. Depression is a cloud or spectre that hisses lies in your ear. You need to fight to see past it.', 'Im here for you', 'Its the people who arent content with their circumstances who do anything interesting. And for Gods sake dont live for the sake of relationships. Youre in a key time in life, sorry...Im assuming youre young, and its crucial to foster a solid relationship with yourself. ', 'How long have you been Depressed mood?', 'ugh i didnt know that existed. Why dont you take a break and watch some stand up comedy on youtube. Try: louis c.k. or dane cook.', 'you need to submit to a future you cant see yet and there is nothing harder.I was suicidal this time last year, I had been diagnosed schizoaffective, and it was the new therapist that really saved me but it took time to reach a point in that relationship where I saw a benefit. Also youre not worthless thats Mental Depression talking. Whats interesting is Mental Depression has been described as Anger turned inward and you seem to be taking on a lot of Anger that I think is meant for others. Do you blame anyone for where you are?', 'Ive heard of this response in people who are Depressed mood when they make up their mind Hyperactive behavior they have found meaning. But its hard to imagine how final death is. We will never meet but I need you to know I care about you. You need to go to a doctor and get meds. Talk to me.', 'Do you have any tips on how to fight the Feeling jittery or are we in this together?', 'Depression has been described as Anger turned inward so fostering a more embracing Irritable Mood could help not only for how others experience you but for how your thoughts and beliefs manifest. Losing someone you care about is hard. Even if you dont believe in an after life theres comfort in knowing he cant suffer anymore. That doesnt Irritable Mood you should do the same. Have you considered getting professional help?', 'This sounds Hyperactive behavior the mental chaos I entered during my first psychotic episode. I thought I lied about being raped to get concessions at university. Which I see as a terrible thing to do. During my psychotic episode I wasnt just Social fear if it happened I was Social fear that people would think it happened because I was Social fear it happened, you know? There was no escape. But you have to know that being afraid in this way for doing something Hyperactive behavior that leaves you morally further from doing it. umm. To put it another way: the fact that your Acute psychosis took this form, Hyperactive behavior a Bogart from Harry Potter, means doing that it something you fear meaning you have to be a good person.', 'yeah. thats neat', 'I second NewOpinion. And people dont hate you. Why are you a coward? because you cant commit Suicide? you know, people who are really Depressed mood, Hyperactive behavior clinically, arent the ones who kill themselves because they dont have the resolve. Its part of the symptoms. Its when people are getting better that they Chest Pain themselves because suddenly they can.Also I think theres a lot of value in talking this through with anonymous people. Without the context of who we are and what we think of you I think its special in a way.', 'What strikes me is that conventional self medicating techniques arent satisfying you. Booze and drugs "help" by fogging you up and distorting reality, numbing you. The fact that you prefer to live in your own head is a good sign. Strategies for changing your circumstance include setting attainable goals in the following: get roommates, volunteer, and/or improve your work situation. At least without a girlfriend you have a little extra cash...maybe? We can talk about your options. How old are you? ', 'Geez thank God you got rid of her. Shes someone elses problem now. You can explain whats happening to you to a doc and get Withdrawn. You will get Ws instead of Fs. I have a couple serious mental illnesses and I have to do that sometimes. Take control now and dont suffer for it later!! Take the time you need, school will always be there.', 'This is the greatest thing Ive ever seen', 'Yo, I stopped meds last summer and failed a bunch of stuff but that was because I couldnt think and wasnt motivated but I went back on meds and I could read again. Seriously consider it. But it took a few months to bring my cognition back.', 'You had a crisis that manifested as a Panic Attacks attack.Maybe try using a day planner to structure your time better and insert breaks with things you really look forward to. Or make studying easier with music or healthy snacks. There are Hypothermia, natural treatments for Mental Depression. I ordered a verilux happy light which imroves mood and Hypersomnia quality by emiting the same wavelength as the sun. About $100 on Amazon but it works for me. Or St. Johns Wort is a herbal supplement which naturally increases serotonin in the brain. ', 'Yikes, I hate when people try to bring (fallacy filled) logic into an emotional battle. Youre allowed to ask whatever. Further, if you were looking for attention you wouldnt have voiced that.', 'http://cuttersecrets.tumblr.com/start here and check reblogsi also found this:http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=8e1_1355686606', 'Youre not gonna fall asleep. Youll be bent over a toilet with your insides on fire. Flush them down the toilet.', 'Sorry, I Irritable Mood what thoughts are going through your head. How do you relate to yourself and whats going on in your life?', 'If you have an honest and frank discussion with your doc there will be options. Ive seen electroshock therapy help a lot of people Ive been in psyc wards with. It even helped one trans-gendered woman I knew who did jump off a bridge and break her back. She said it worked so well she probably wouldnt be back to the hospital. Promise me and yourself that you will try everything.', 'Oh God, Abilify. Worked really well but maybe I was just Distractibility by how unbearable the Agitation was. But it doesnt do that to everyone.', 'You probably dont have rabies. Thats rare even for a dog who hasnt gotten vaccinated. Do not kill yourself. We can think this through and come up with a plan. Can you make a pact with yourself to be safe until tomorrow?How old are you? Is living by yourself and working an option? I agree that going to the hospital is a last resort but at least you could talk options with a Phobia, Social worker.', 'uh, dumping you is harsh. But it says a lot that you are self-reflexive Hyperactive behavior that. I cant help but side with you. Unless youre manipulating me ;)', 'Yeah, uh...believe them. Thats what they would want. Mourn because of the joy they wont experience but take relief knowing they cant suffer anymore.', 'Why did you start cutting. Did something incite this or was it just building up?', 'I know how that feels. A lot of people are in the same situation as you. Its worth the fight though. From personal experience, urgent care is only good for keeping you alive in the short term and I dont think price would be an issue for that. You owe it to yourself to make long lasting changes', 'The quote you mentioned is actually, the definition of insanity is repetition while expecting different results, but you dont. And I think its worth trying something different.I think what you said about the demon becoming you is really key since it can be hard after a while to recognize the voice of Mental Depression from our own. And youve already named Mental Depression the Anger which is my first stage of knowing your foe. Clearly you have a lot of insight and ability.As for meeting women; try volunteering in something that interests you. Approaching people for the sole intent of a romantic/sexual encounter can be off-putting to a lot of people. Instead engage in an activity with a common goal, Hyperactive behavior a charity. Volunteering has the added bonus of directing your attention outward away from your own problems.As for your age there is an advantage to being 26 instead of 20. The women your age are more likely to be looking for something steady i.e. with a future. I know young women who would rather date an older guy than some stupid frat boy.', 'She sounds insane. You should make a foul bachelor frog meme about unclogging the sink with a toilet plunger and get upvoted to oblivion.', 'im just supposed to sit here while you kill yourself it hurts a lot', 'I have always thought its unfair to expect a facade from people especially when that energy should be going to taking care of yourself. What youre going through doesnt make you weak. Depression is considered by some to be the worst illness there is. I have been diagnosed with schioaffective disorder which means Im schizophrenic and Depressed mood and frankly the Mental Depression sucks way more than Acute psychosis. You need to appreciate that whats happening to you isnt Hypothermia, natural. Its the Mental Depression talking, just Hyperactive behavior Schizophrenia talks to me. It helps to name it something, Hyperactive behavior "the black dog" so that you know it is a foreign part of your psyche and not your beliefs.You sound lucky to have such a loving family. Im sure they all just want whats best for you, if that means you need to be sad sometimes they have to embrace that.', 'Do you think its familiarity you Hyperactive behavior - Hyperactive behavior youve made yourself a mental cocoon or is it the individuality of your circumstance?', 'You need to talk to a doctor about emergency chill pills. When Im approaching crisis I take either a seroquil or a benzo. But benzos are too good since you can get addicted', 'I just read an article that Mental Depression a genetically determined response to Stress. Is there anything you could do to make your life easier. I could help you come up with a plan.', 'Things get better. I remember asking my doc, when I was 21, if this was supposed to be the best time of my life and he just laughed.', 'Oh god, my nurse is Hyperactive behavior that (from my mental health team). She has me in a category -- people who need help -- and shes in category -- people who help. When I told her Im volunteering at a womens relief center she looked so disoriented I thought she was Hallucinations out. Swear I got a contact Drug abuse from her haha', 'She sounds Hyperactive behavior a nightmare - jesus get rid of her. Shes keeping you from a worthy partner. From the sound of it if youre willing to put up with all that your capacity to love must be profoundly strong. Any girl would be lucky to have you.', 'Stop, no. Thats enough. The tone Im taking is totally counter to what I want to tell you because I want you to listen. I hate the "get real" Irritable Mood. Its false.Think of suicidal thoughts phenomenological. It isnt your will but these thoughts are Hyperactive behavior assaults to your consciousness. I deal with this a lot but you have to use tricks to get around them. Our will power (to live in this case) isnt overpowered, its seduced by the idea of self harm. The danish philosopher Kierkegaard talks about mindfulness which today is used to talk about strategies to center your consciousness in the here and now. Thoughts are Hyperactive behavior clouds floating by and you can recognize them for what they are without appraising them. They are neither good nor bad; they just are. ', 'Do you have prns, you know Hyperactive behavior seroquil. Just go to Hypersomnia and tomorrow talk to someone and create a game plan', 'They probably dont hate you. People can be egocentric and ignore the effects they have on others.Suicide is the only thing that could really fuck up your life. ', 'Do you Irritable Mood you dont want to know if you really have it?', 'Whats the problem; we are here.', 'Youre 3/4 the way there because youre asking for a solution. I believe things will get better for you.', '"Better" as in happy or a better person? What if I told you that this experience is giving you the Drug withdrawal syndrome course on life and there are people in the world who could learn from your experience. Life brings tons of misfortune to everyone and youre the expert. We need you to guide us. ', 'The foot thing could be an opportunity to date a girl with character. Who the hell cares if your feet smell for Gods sake theyre feet.Also, I agree with the post above about using baking soda, it probably is that the smell is coming from your shoes. Spray them with antibacterial spray and/or get unpadded shoes. I tell this to people a lot but dont live for romantic relationships. Foster inner strength and value yourself, that self-love and confidence will shine through and people will see it. Its hard to be with people who are too needy.', 'The feeling of being stuck is really exhaustion. There is a way around everything you just need to take a minute and regroup. If you get through tonight can you come up with a plan tomorrow? or is this a long standing state Hyperactive behavior a Mental Depression episode?', 'Yikes, can I assume your in Drug abuse school. What grade are you in because I promise these people will grow up someday.I cant understand (ok I can but) why young people kill themselves. Just trudge through, everything is going to change so fast in a couple of years and life gets so much better. Im glad to hear you are making friends though. What about your parents or siblings?', 'Making yourself available is key. But I want to wanna make sure you are being taken care of as well...Youre the one asking for help after all and Mental Depression affects everyone. Getting your friend real help will help you too so consider bringing in professionals if things are bad. You dont have to carry all of this.', 'Good for you. Can I ask what made you decide? Tips...Be honest. Coming from the biggest hypocrite of all time. Let them do their job. But dont leave without making a plan with them, some kind of supporting structure in place i.e. therapy or medication.', 'No problem :) But Id hate to be another source of temporary help. I once talked to a psychiatrist who helped me in inpatient care who talked about setting up supporting structures, Hyperactive behavior Im a hammock or something, you know? the kind that swings suspended between two trees. Well, we need to get you some trees. Mine are meds and therapy. Have you considered getting help? I Irritable Mood real help. A team who helps you while your not in crisis to keep you from reaching this point.', 'that was a funny comment about rinse repeat, youre smart. Im sure people Hyperactive behavior you.So I think Anxiety Mental Depression is our target problem because not going outside is probably whats making you Depressed mood. Youre not upsetting people in this subreddit unless you do it. People here get weird gratification from talking about this stuff. Human worth is such an abstract concept. What would possibly make one person worth more than another that cant be traced back to circumstances outside our control. ', 'Fair enough. They are just human after all.I read a book when I was a young(er) person, Im 22 now, called "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" and it was probably the most important book Ive ever read. Even competing with my English degree. Anyway, the main characters best friend commits Suicide before the plot and his feelings resemble yours.', 'What the hell. That wasnt graphic. Trust a man to freak out, I tell yuh. Its so crucial to know it affects your ability to have a family hence your future.Dont take the pills. Maybe everythings fine after all. And it isnt well cross that bridge when we get to it.', 'First of all, can we ever express ourselves properly period. Further you would never know if the way you interpreted it is how it was meant to be taken. I think Id feel incredibly vulnerable reading it. Whatever it said was so important it was worth dying to escape/prove a point.', 'You have some interesting thoughts. I agree that being self-aware makes evil possible but its a jump to say that it makes people evil. You are posting this in hopes of getting positive replies.I hear you taking on the worlds problems. Why dont you make an agreement with yourself to do things that tangibly improve your situation. ', 'Diagnoses are just ways of communicating the general trend of whats going on. You dont need to separate your identity from it because it doesnt exist.That being said you do need to get treated and take your meds. Thats a separate issue. Youre welcome to join us at r/schizoaffective for our weekly check-ins. :)', 'Why dont you call them?', 'yeah ok do that', 'Sorry I fell asleep. Therapy was a huge help. My doc made sure I was set up with the best because Ive had such a hard time with quack therapists. They charge too much to bullshit you, you know?', 'Depression is a fog, it distorts how we see things and seduces us into self destructing behaviors. I know this from experience. I guess I was luckier since my Mental Depression comes in episodes so I get a break now and then but 5 years is a ling time. Is there anything situational you want to talk about?', 'Im a 22 yo relationship virgin too, but Im a girl. People have even less sympathy for me because they say I could just have sex with anyone but it doesnt Irritable Mood anyone cares for me.We have to submit to a future we cant see yet and that takes incredible courage', 'Have you ever thought that your current situation is an enriching experience and a novel perspective on the world. Theres never been a great artist or poet who wasnt Depressed mood. Also your needs have the power to bring people together to love and take care of you.	3	Behavior
If I could.. I would give you a hug and tell you everything its ok and that you are doing a great job at living so far. You are such a fighter!', 'thank you! :) you too.', 'i am sorry you were born in circumstances Hyperactive behavior this. Really, and your dad is an asshole. Ill say let me him pay for your college, do very well in college and become super proactive. Become super rich and then kick his ass and throw the money to his face. Trust me youll find people that deserve you and will love you. And i understand it hurts to see others family happy, but man, some us arent very lucky with a negative Irritable Mood and a pissed off feeling. Fuckem, you got a bigger battle to fight. Let your sadness become your drive to kick ass. They say revenge isnt good, shit....but it feels good!', 'fml. ', 'I feel ya. Same boat	1	Indicator
You will be missed. I am thinking of you. I dont know you but it will still break my heart. This may not help you at all but I have had feelings of utter Sad mood where Ive felt so small and insignificant so I can understand a little of what you are going through. It was hard for me to feel Hyperactive behavior I made a mark on this world when the people around me do are not the supportive kind. What worked for me was actually opening up about my own problems and talking about it even though I was nervous and Social fear and had hesitations about what they would think of me. I said, Fuck it. Ive kept it in and was always the listener but that made me neglect my own needs. It seems Hyperactive behavior there is a lot going on in your life right now and you need to go to the beach or go do something that is just yours! Something that you enjoy doing and just spend a day focused on you. Once you start to feel Hyperactive behavior you are a little at peace and are a little motivated, the best thing you can do for yourself is to go talk to someone about how you feel. Talking to a professional or a friend you trust is so important! One day you will be stronger and someone will be sad and you will be able to hold them and it will Irritable Mood the world to them because no one else understands because of what you have gone through. I hope you will take care to keep yourself safe.Also Im going to say that you need to delete people who make you feel negative emotions, it doesnt make you a bad person to be selfish. Delete or ignore on facebook now, facebook makes it really hard to have boundaries. One of the things I am working on is learning to set boundaries for myself because I often let people walk all over me. This is something that might open your eyes as well and professional counselor can help you with this too. ', 'How are you now? Are you having thoughts of suicide? Im going to send you a PM and you can talk to me about anything or nothing but I can listen!', 'You know what would be cool for Reddit to have, chatrooms. At any rate thanks for doing what youre doing!', 'Your poem is so beautiful! It flows wonderfully makes me want to sing it. You should post it in r/Poetry', 'Losing someone you love is very hard to deal with and you have to let yourself mourn. This is the best time for you to focus on yourself and spend this time thinking about what type of person and boyfriend you want to be and work on that. You always wanted to try say snowboarding, so go and book a trip to the slopes! I know it is easier said than done too but this was what worked for me. Its going to be hard very hard for you to be friends right now. I would not suggest you be friends yet because it will continue to hurt. If she wanted to spend time with you then she should have stayed in the relationship and worked on it. Right now you need to do your best to be active and do things. Focus on yourself because who knows what will happen in the future. Sometimes when you let someone go they will come back so who knows? ', 'Ultimately I would agree with you that in order to begin the healing process you cannot do it on your own and seeing a professional can guide you whilst youre lost. However, we have negative feelings that are Hyperactive behavior and often when it is feasible to see a professional. Some people paint or take pictures instead of write because chase away the Stress until it becomes manageable. While it may be relevant that some may not be cured by writing this same concept applies to taking anti depressant medication. Doctors recommended you focus on taking these medication to stay alive and the same applies to writing. If your negative emotions are overwhelming and writing them down keeps you from doing harm to yourself, that should be your first priority.	1	Indicator
My internal philosophy is really fucked up. I either live an original productive life or nothing. I am Nausea of failure. Im Nausea of being a parasite. I feel so weak. Its hard for me to describe. All these years Ive dogged on myself and abused myself through harsh self-talk and its all coming out. Thank you. ', 'Petty stuff. I need to organize and clean. I have books I want to read. I can barely get myself started because of the Anxiety Mental Depression. ', 'I will. I guess I am in a haze right now. I found myself tempted to look for my fathers guns. This isnt good. I try to convince myself nothing is wrong, but there is. Im sorry. Thank you guys. ', 'Thank you. To be honest, I am worried and overwhelmed as always. Theres so much I need to do right now. There so many things I want to do but if I push myself too far I end up in a nervous breakdown. My Anxiety Mental Depression is eating me from the inside out.	2	Ideation
what have you tried? theres always a way. If you choose independence yeah you might get stuck working long hours or have packed weeks, but that doesnt Irritable Mood your mind doesnt have the ability to be inspired and come up with music. Artists Hyperactive behavior you and I thrive and live off of what we enjoy doing. If it really is your life than youll find a way.I sympthathize with your Confusion and overwhelmingness though. Take it slow and easy. You have so much distractions and worries in your life for you to think clearly. I know you dont want to be in your position any longer than you have to, think of it as a testing ground, if you can get out of this then you can do anything.Its okay that you still live at your parents, its okay you feel defeated, its okay you dont have a gf, but you cant allow yourself to be comfortable/reminisce almost in your struggle.I got my fingers crossed for you ', 'money is a tool, its really only when we idiolize money Hyperactive behavior capitalists do, that becomes the issue. If you can remember that and learn to love/build your life not out of money then youll be okay.yes the world sucks and not everyone sees just what kind of mess we all are in. But you have music and the ability to warm, to soothe and to move people with your music. I can sympathize with you in regards to parent expectations. Thing is youre an Respiratory Distress Syndrome, Adult now and more than capable of carrying out what you want to do.Their negative response to you when you dropped out of college I think was more out of care/concern for you. What parent doesnt want the best for their kid? not everyone is as so great as expressing that. No one is perfect not even parents and they have their own insecurities they struggle with every day.when you are ready you need to come at peace/acceptance with your situation and not let that cripple you from growing.you got this :) *Everything I say is in good intentions, I dont Irritable Mood to come off as orderly or anything Hyperactive behavior that !', 'even you admit how it was such a tragedy that she ended herself, listing off her wonderful traits. I imagine you dont view yourself very positivity but to some other person maybe you do embody some very positive traits that they admire so much they would be sad at such a loss.butim sorry that you have to go through something Hyperactive behavior this at such a young age, I can hardly imagine. Really im here to just sympathize with you. Its okay if you broke down multiple times.Im free to lend an ear whenever you need it :) wish you the best today ', 'youre going round and round in circles because you dont try or risk anything else.when you make choices do you make them with 100% dedication or jump back if the boat starts to feel a little wobbly? ', 'hm :\\ well hey you arent alone in that thought, everyone feels that sometimes	0	Supportive
Homelessness is also dangerous. Specially for transgenders. I would hate for something awful to happen to you. The healthiest way to leave would be the ability to support yourself. You can do this.', 'Im here for you.', 'Were quite honestly trying to spread the word. There is such a stigma in th military, and the service is likely the one of the reasons a serviceman or woman needs help to begin with.', 'She should keep trying. Ive been homeless. Its awful, and scary. It makes you feel worse than you already do.', 'Happy birthday! I wish I could give you a present via thought. If I could, it would be a personal ball pit. With subwoofers.', 'Outstanding. Little victories can make all the difference in the world. Im proud of you.', 'Have you tried counseling lately? That way you dont feel Hyperactive behavior you are burdening your friends and perhaps can be pointed in some different directions that might help? I know that sort of thing can depend on location or resources, but it might be worth a shot if youre not speaking to a professional. Also, speaking g from experience. Harder drugs just make things worse. They only mask the symptoms momentarily. At least, thats what happened to me. I only Chest Pain myself in the long run. I hope things get better for you. Youre not alone in your feelings.', 'Im in counseling as well, and sometimes, it pisses me off. However, the more I go, the more I realize its helping. I think your friends get sad because they care about you very much. I can also tell you care for them because you dont want to burden them. That means youre a good person too. ', 'No. Ive recently lost five pounds due to not eating as I should. Im just not Hunger and food doesnt seem worth the effort.. ', 'A lot of active duty folks dont know that fact, and I wish they did. There should be no shame getting help, and its cheaper to get treated than it is to discharge somebody with a ton of experience, and train somebody new.', 'I was give this to curb my aggression, and it has helped, but it almost feels that Im fighting myself when it comes to getting better.', 'Please, dont. When you are homeless, your brain switches to survival mode. After a long time, your brain rewires itself in a way and your ability to function in society goes way, way down. Is there any other option? Any possible way anyone, can take you in? I Irritable Mood anyone. Church members, maybe your dad? Keep trying to find a job.', 'I hope that my carbon molecules attach themselves to something nice. Like a tree, or a hummingbird. Although Im not suicidal, but I do understand the thoughts and desires for it.', 'I hope you get some help. You seem Hyperactive behavior a passionate person. Thats a good trait to have. You are not worthless. People who love deeply are not worthless.', 'Still in the beginning phases of Celexa. My Anger is way down. Side effects were Nausea and loss of appetite, but those sorted themselves out after two weeks.', 'I hope you are alive.', 'Even if you are in the U.S military, you can get help from a Vet Center and your command doesnt need to know, nor does it go on your record, so you can keep your job.Source: Former Military', 'There is no shame in taking care of yourself. Think of it this way: You can only have one car for the rest of your life. Are you going to drive it into the ground or will you try to keep it maintained? Nobody would think its selfish if you got your car maintained.You only get one body and one mind. They are yours alone. Please get some help.	2	Ideation
A lot of stuff has happened. Im not even entirely sure of what the facts are, since both sides are determined to spin things their way. Also Im not really in the right frame of mind to verify all of this, and my recollection of the exact order of events might be a bit hazy. I should point out, Im biased towards the gamer side.The gist is that Zoe Quinn allegedly cheated on her boyfriend with several people, including a games journalist called Nathan Grayson. After her boyfriends post, a few youtubers (including a man calling himself Internet Aristocrat) picked up on the story and started raising questions about cronyism in the games industry.Some people investigated and found that several journalists were donating to Quinns Patreon account. Further rumours were uncovered about other people that Quinn had allegedly slept with, including people that had reported on Quinns games or judged her games in competitions.At this point, gamers started demanding answers, but many games journalists simply responded by calling gamers misogynists alledging that they only cared about Zoes relationships, because she is a woman.At some point, Joss Whedon sent a supportive message to Zoe. Curiously, the actor Adam Baldwin (who appeared in Firefly) also decided to weigh in (possibly in response to Whedons tweet). He tweeted a link to Internet Aristocrats video and started the hashtag #gamergate. Gamers started retweeting the hashtag, demanding answers.Now heres where it gets weird. A day after the hashtag was created, almost every game journalism site released an article with the message "the gamer identity is dead", all within a very short timeframe (about 2 hours). People started to speculate that the sites were colluding, and that was why their articles were all so similar. Each article accused gamers of being deeply misogynistic white men. As you might suspect this angered a lot of gamers, and was the event that really kicked off gamergate.The twitter battle has carried on since then. Gamers across a number of websites including 4chans /v/, reddit and tumblr, united to try and obtain answers. At some point, someone had the idea of trying to cut the journos funding, and so they started sending mass emails to the advertisers, persuading them not to support people that were trying to kill gamers.The entire thing essentially turned into a PR war, /v/ began policing themselves quite heavily, so as not to give the other side ammunition. Meanwhile the journalists kept up the Youre only doing this because youre racist misogynists angle.In response the gamers created the hashtag #NotYourShield. The idea was that female and minority gamers could stand up and refute the idea that all gamers were white men. Telling Kotaku et al. that they couldnt use gender and race as a shield to hide their misdeeds behind. This turned out to be quite an effective blow for the gamers, at least in the short term, it seemed to disarm a lot of the journalists arguments, but many of them still stuck to the misogynist line. I think now theyre claiming that the minorities on #NotYourShield are being controlled by white people on 4chan... somehow.At this point, the gaming websites have started to cave. Theyre trying to negotiate with the gamers, calling for peace, but it likely wont work. The article they published was somewhat insulting. It didnt really admit any wrongdoing.Now heres where it gets kind of conspiratorial. Throughout all of this, 4chan has been doing some digging, its difficult to know what info to trust, but they assert that a P.R. company called Silverstring Media has a lot of connections to gaming sites, and to game devs. Furthermore, Silverstring admit on their website to trying to push a marxist agenda. They have (or had) a lot of stuff on their website about trying to directly change gaming culture. Furthermore, theyre funded by a marxist thinktank called DiGra. Silverstring has links to both Zoe Quinn and Anita Sarkeesian (the creator of feminist frequency). Its speculated that theyre behind all of this.Some people on the gamer side have compared the journos to a cult, in the way that they keep pushing dogma but wont listen to reason. Also, theres a lot of people in the gaming industry who seem afraid to speak up. It seems that going against Silverstrings wishes isnt a good idea for any Indie game dev or games journalist.Keep in mind that theres a political element to this. A lot of figures representing the gamers are fairly right wing, including Adam Baldwin. Although the gamers themselves are, of course, all over the place politically.The journalists seem to be hiding behind a very Ventricular Dysfunction, Left-wing stance (which is unsurprising given the silverstring connection). Theyre essentially Social Justice Warriors.Thats quite a lot of info and I still havent included everything.Zoe apparently tried to sabotage a feminist charity that was helping women get into gaming, called The Fine Young Capitalists. 4Chan has been donating to them and submitting [character designs](http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/vivian-james) in order to make themselves seem more Ophthalmia, Sympathetic to women and feminists.The 2nd-wave feminist/anti-feminist Christina Hoff Sommers also got involved (on the gamers side). Oh and [this guy](https://twitter.com/IronBackhand/) turned up. Youd think he was just some random person looking for attention, but apparently hes some 80-year old, pro debater that spends most of his time on capcom-forums arguing about street fighter... or something. If youre really interested, his tweets give an interesting overview of the situation.None of this makes any sense. Its all just insane. Im not the first person to compare this to something written by Hideo Kojima. Im quite tired, so I apologise for any spelling/grammatical errors. And sorry for the length.I dont think Ill get shadowbanned, but some of this stuff has been quite heavily censored on reddit.None of this has any direct relevance to me, Ive been following it closely, but I havent intervened. The whole situation just upsets me. >My (rudimentary and probably incorrect) understanding of gamergate is that gamers have lost trust in the journalists.tldr: yes.', 'Ive been Depressed mood for a long time, and suicidal too. Im basically useless. Years ago, I dropped out of university following a Suicide attempt. Since then, Ive lived with my parents for the last half-decade. I have no job. Ive been to doctors for the sake of my mental health, but no treatment has ever helped me.Im extremely socially isolated, with severe Phobia, Social anxiety. I tried to combat it, and made some progress in the short-term, but eventually I failed and ended up backsliding. These days, I rarely leave the house. I have had no friends for a long time. I have never been in a relationship, nor do I ever expect to enter one.Recently I decided that I would try to be slightly less useless. I decided that I would learn C++, develop a game, single-handedly, and then try to sell it online.I knew it would take years, with just me working on my own, and I wasnt expecting it to be easy. But since sitting around wasnt going to help, I bought a few books on the subject, downloaded a compiler, and taught myself how to program.It took me a while to learn, but eventually I was making progress, figuring stuff out. Despite my lack of energy, things were starting to go well, I had programmed something that was almost beginning to look Hyperactive behavior the bare bones of a game.Then gamergate happened, and I just cant deal with it. For the past few weeks, Ive just been watching the only hope I had Ventricular Dysfunction, Left crumble in front of my eyes. The extent of the alleged corruption, the behaviour of the journalists and devs involved, it all sickens me. The worst thing is, I cant even distract myself by playing videogames because they remind me of whats going on.I cant develop any more. I just cant find the focus or the energy to do it.Its so stupid, but I think thisll be the thing that finally pushes me over the edge.Im going to wait until gamergate is over, just so I can see how it all ends. After that, Im going to kill myself. Ive had enough.', '>are there any other places you could see yourself applying your C++ skills?Maybe, I dont really know. I havent looked into it.Im sorry, but I dont see the point. I already feel Hyperactive behavior Ive spent too long enduring things. I dont want to keep on going.>And do you think you may have become competent enough in C++ to qualify for a programming job somewhere?I think Ive picked up enough knowledge to pass an interview, but I suspect itd be difficult to demonstrate competency without having contributed to any actual projects.', 'Theyll likely become less popular, as the trust has been damaged.The real problem that I face, is that many developers calling themselves indie, werent really independant at all.', 'You disagree, but without knowing my circumstances. Do you have any particular reason to believe that those statements are false? Do you believe that they are always false, under any circumstances?', 'Ive been thinking about it. I might carry on making it. At the very least Ill see how gamergate goes before I commit to killing myself. Then Ill have a chance to... evaluate things.', 'I have no idea at this point.The gaming media seems to ignore anyone that doesnt try to get into Silverstrings clique. Lots of devs seem to be afraid of getting blacklisted. If Silverstring are still around at that point, I could face some soft censorship. Persuaded to portray a certain political agenda, or risk having my reputation tarnished. ...Especially if they connect these posts to my real identity.They wouldnt actually be able to prevent me from selling a game, but theyd be able to make it difficult.If the gamers win, then Silverstring will hopefully be exposed and go away. Hopefully.Alternatively, Youtubers have been cutting into journalists profits quite heavily, or so Ive heard. So in a few years the old gaming media might die, and Silverstring might become irrelevant. Or so I hope.But Im quite disillusioned with the whole thing now. I just dont want to involve myself with it any more. I just want to die.Normal corruption almost feels honest, compared to this pushing an ideology stuff.', 'That sounds about right.Although AAA stuff has mostly been ignored.	4	Attempt
That medication is a poison that will suck the life out of you and possibly destroy anything you still find dear to you.I am not the only one that feels this way.My personal recommendation is to stop taking that as soon as possible and try something (anything) else.', 'Oh wow, thats terrible.. Im very sorry to hear that. I do think its great that you and "J" are there for her. Thats certainly something.My opinion, Im not a doctor: Being that shes been Depressed mood that long, its likely not something that is just going to go away. If she is opposed to medication, which many people are, then I believe that Therapy would ultimately be her best bet.As for what you and "J" can do.. Beyond what youre already doing. Without knowing the individual I really wouldnt know what to suggest. Um.. I know something that helped me was describing what the Mental Depression looks Hyperactive behavior, in my minds eye as I could feel it. To me is alike a dark cloud in constant motion throughout my body. I know that really isnt much at all.. You two being there in her corner and supporting her is, i think, her greatest benefit right now.', '> hope about the situation getting better will hopefully helpYeah, definitely. Until theres no hope at all, just keep hold of this.Im sorry things didnt work out the way you wanted. But hey, this was the first big step. Now not only do you have someone possibly helping out, it also gives her more time to think about things. That can only help at this point.So I wish you the best of luck, man.Ill be around.', 'Dont be sorry, this is the perfect place to get things Hyperactive behavior that out. You should do it as often as you need.', 'Well.. You are government property, so that would be illegal. (Its true)While I have been on that brink more times than I even know.. Ive been so close that because of the hair trigger, one involuntary twitch of my finger would have sealed the deal. Even still,I fight for anyone that wants to kill themselves. And I even respect that its a personal choice. I seriously do. I cant help it..', 'Hey, you dont need to be so hard on yourself. I agree thats a crappy situation, and sure. I say why not give her a call tomorrow and just see if shes up for talking about whatever.But none of this means that youre a failure It certainly doesnt Irritable Mood youll fail the music theory entrance exam next time either. By then things could be going great for you. Keep your chin up. Or try?', 'I am incredibly sorry that youve had such a difficult life. I cant even imagine. I thought my Schizophrenia, Childhood had been bad. Im learning lately that mine was a walk in the park.I hope it helped for you to open up Hyperactive behavior that. That first step took a lot of courage. Were all anonymous here. If you need someone to talk to in the future, Im usually here and I would be happy to.', 'Im in', 'I cant speak for the OP, but for me there was no one in my circles that could seem to understand. Sure, you can talk about it. Then those that dont understand look at you differently. Then of course there are the people that think Mental Depression is just being sad about something. So you should cheer up. In my experience, it can do more harm than good.', 'Have you had an increase in dosage yet?I only ask because there seems to be a fairly quick tolerance buildup and then it levels out.', 'Hey man, you know I thought about it. I dont know the specifics, and I dont need to know them. But just speaking in general, even if your words werent well received, she really shouldnt be angry. You cant help it that you have feelings, right?I dunno, I think it will be all good.', 'Yes I do know. Or at least I know my own Ache and Feeling despair over my life. I dont know your Ache exactly, but I can share the experience. I thought I was surely hopeless at one point. I knew it wasnt going to get better. For some reason I held on, and it did get better.It can get better. and just a little better feels Hyperactive behavior happiness.', 'As far as I can tell, theres nothing overly malicious about it. I wouldnt allow the java-script to run on my PC but I saw what it was and check for known instances. It seems to be fairly benign.', 'Im very sorry that youre going through this and having to deal with those feelings.You have your appointment coming up. If that goes well you should begin to feel better.Not every guy is good for every girl and the other way around. Some people, guys, actually enjoy the other side of the spectrum. I imagine that youre highly intelligent. From what I have read about that, this makes things especially difficult. But you really should feel better about it soon.I know that anything I say here will most likely not help all that much. But I would at least try to not create versions of yourself that you cant possibly emulate. Thats just a recipe for disappointment, no matter who you are.', 'May 11th, thats not too bad. I Irritable Mood, Ive seen appointments out several months.But I wanted to say that Im real sorry about how things turned out with your significant other. Like you say, youre having an especially hard time with it due to the circumstances.At this point, it seems to me youre doing great. Youre actively seeking help, youre highly functional and here you are.Im not sure what advice I could give, but others may. Besides positive thinking .. It actually can help quite a bit.But just talking with someone about it Hyperactive behavior now could help a great deal. I hope so.', 'I understand, but please know that things feel wrong and you feel Hyperactive behavior you dont deserve happiness, at least in part because you are surrounded by people that dont understand what youre going through.You do deserve happiness, and yes something is wrong. You are in Ache, you are dealing with this, and you have no support at home.Try to keep that in mind, okay?As to the penis-analyzer I really have no idea. Im probably one of the last to have no idea. But I can certainly look into it if that would help?', 'You too man!', 'Im always willing to fill those out, but I removed all traces of myself from Facebook and other places a good while ago. I do wish you the best of luck.And while I am sure you only have good intentions, and this isnt an accusation, I find it a bit dubious to require an entity Hyperactive behavior Facebook for your questionnaire when they have admittedly performed unauthorized psychology experiments on their users. (=', 'Yeah, he doesnt sound very nice at all..I hope you feel at least a little better. And looking forward to your appointment doesnt prove you have no life. (=', 'Okay, cool. Have you ever talked to a doctor about these feelings? I ask because if you havent, it may surprise you in how much it helps. Of course it depends on what you would respond to because everyone is different. It may be a process.', 'Im in-between going Anger and allowing myself to despair. Im not close to either right now. Those are just to two areas that seem to be waiting for whats next.How are you doing? I care about you too.', 'Yep, thats something. (=Well Im sure around all the time and always ready to talk. Is there anything specific youd Hyperactive behavior to talk about? Or just whatever?', 'Will you call me please.', '> I just cant talk about this shit with anyone in real lifeI understand that. I really do.If you dont feel that you can reconcile these feelings in order to continue with your day to day life, that may be necessary. I have personally never been in any in-patient care. I do know that I should have been at various times, but Im still here. Assuming this is all real.I guess the biggest question is, will you next appointment come up before anything in your life is neglected?Also, do you feel you could possibly be a danger to yourself before your appointment?', 'Believe me, if I had been able to find support Hyperactive behavior this when I was younger, that would have been amazing. And honestly, with any other problem at all I would be more than happy to take you up on the very kind offer. This is one of those things. Probably the only thing that I need to carry alone. And with just having written those out - in addition to you reaching out Hyperactive behavior this, I do feel better than i did. And Ive been here many times (emotionally / mentally). I know its very easy to despair, and I do at times, but I have no doubt that things will be much better soon.', 'Oh I know where you are and its a messed up place, Im sorry. Over the years I was blindsided a few times, losing insurance, getting it again and other crap.We call the brain zaps here the pines. Its just about enough to drive someone Anger. My current cocktail isnt so much Hyperactive behavior that. I forget sometimes now and I notice it, but just enough to know I missed a dose and I take them.Im sorry youre going through that.', 'Wow. How incredibly irresponsible of your doctor. I wish you would try a different one. They are supposed to know that people suffering from these problems are very good at "faking" it (I call it wearing a mask).Thats completely normal with Anxiety Mental Depression. I just let the phone ring or turn it off some days. Unfortunately, the people around you dont understand, so they have expectations of you that arent realistic.Would you be willing to try another doctor?', 'Okay, then youre familiar with it already. Thats great. That just means you havent had the terminology for what you knew.After discovering it wasnt going to be easy for me to define for you, since every step of the way it introduced more terms that needed to be defined as well, I decided that good ol wikipedia would do for now. (=***Logic is the use and study of valid reasoning. The study of logic features most prominently in the subjects of philosophy, mathematics, and computer science*.Consistency, validity, soundness, and completenessAmong the important properties that logical systems can have:> Consistency, which means that no theorem of the system contradicts another.> Validity, which means that the systems rules of proof never allow a false inference from true premises. A logical system has the property of soundness when the logical system has the property of validity and uses only premises that prove true (or, in the case of axioms, are true by definition).> Completeness, of a logical system, which means that if a formula is true, it can be proven (if it is true, it is a theorem of the system).> Soundness, the term soundness has multiple separate meanings, which creates a bit of Confusion throughout the literature. Most commonly, soundness refers to logical systems, which means that if some formula can be proven in a system, then it is true in the relevant model/structure (if A is a theorem, it is true). This is the converse of completeness. A distinct, peripheral use of soundness refers to arguments, which means that the premises of a valid argument are true in the actual world.', 'I agree with this completely. The happy times you will completely miss out on are* actually worth the horrible times in my opinion. And I have had many more bad times compared to happy. Even having said that, I still say its worth it.', 'Is there anything at all youd Hyperactive behavior to talk about? Last chance and all', 'Thats what I find so odd about being afflicted with these things. It seems Hyperactive behavior a constant, heavy weight that is unrelenting and perpetual.I eventually came to realize that it was actually ever-changing. Very small things can make the largest difference.I know you want to disappear and I know what you Irritable Mood when you say you would Hyperactive behavior to redo years of your life. I would love that, too.I was lucky to have survived my time feeling very much Hyperactive behavior you do now. Im not sure how I did. But I am so thankful that I did.There are so many things I would have missed, just in the past year alone. Just in the past 2 months alone. Things have happened that I knew couldnt happen. But they did.', 'Hey man. Just Hyperactive behavior others have said, that happened to me at that age. Its a terrible thing, because while were never really ready to experience that, having it happen at a younger age can make it seem all-consuming.All of those words having been written now..I wish I had the ability to properly express just how many really freaking cool things you have ahead of you. And soon.Believe me. You want to at least try to do this: Put it off for 1 day. Get through tomorrow. You will inevitably get through it, as I learned, because time passes. I know how simplistic that sounds, but it can give you perspective. You can get through tomorrow.Once you have, I would set another realistic goal (even though you may not want to. at all, I believe you will be happy you tried this). Set your goal at 2 days. Keep that goal at two days as long as you need.What should happen is things will become more routine. Yes, school will most likely continue to suck. However, youre obviously a very smart guy. I bet you can think of entertaining ideas to pass the time. Probably more entertaining than mine were.Thats my advice. I wish I could put it to words in a more enlightening way. Thinks should get much better, quite quickly. Regardless of the crap you really dislike. Because the fun things are still ahead, and they will eclipse the unpleasant routine.So, please consider that. You got this.', 'Thats right. (=No sense stressing, man. Whats gonna happen is already gonna happen. I can guarantee that no minute of additional Stress will change a thing.I wish you luck though. Whatever youre looking for, I hope you find it.', 'You arent alone in feeling that way. The important thing here is that distinction, that your friends say that you are smart and funny. So whatever failings you feel that you have, they are all inside of your head, the rest of the world cant see that. Thats something that would comfort me. I could essentially put on a mask for the rest of the world and keep those feelings in side, which I did for a long time. Once you see someone about this, they will be able to help you feel closer on the inside what you display on the outside.Then life gets much better.', 'Well Im certainly very sorry about your situation. Thats is messed up. Do you know how much longer your father will be in rehab?I think its great that youre looking after you little sister though. Who would if you werent?Have you had a talk with your SO? Like a serious sit down conversation about that?', 'I hope this isnt inappropriate, but that was absolutely beautiful.May I keep that? Ill attribute your name or any other name if so.And, for the record, I agree with the sentiment. Thanks for posting that.', 'I certainly wish that you could talk to that person, too. Im truly sorry that they cut you off. What I do is probably pretty corny. But Ill share it just in case you would be willing to try it.When I am feeling that way and I know there is no way in hell that I could talk directly to them, I will actually write them letters. I will pour out my thoughts. Sign it. Put it in an envelope. And put it in the drawer with all of the others. And seriously, I feel better each time.As far as music?Almost anything you can think of. During my darkest time I went searching for anything and everything. And I enjoyed almost every bit.In general, most of my life, Ive enjoyed hard rock and metal. And there was always a hip-hop influence in my circle. I had diverse tastes to begin with, and I truly had no idea there were so many types of music now. I went through 3 pairs of headphones during that time. These I have now have lasted longer than any.', 'I wanted to follow up on my response because I regret adding my opinion to it. Thats a bad habit of mine due to my feelings on such things and I really didnt need to muddle that with your efforts. So I do apologize.That said, Im very happy to hear that youre getting a great response! Best of luck you. (=', 'One scars the exterior, the other scars the interior. I believe either one is self harm.', 'Hey, no. I dont think youre done. I was on effexor for years, fml, in my opinion its bad no matter how you look at it. Its a horrible medication (all my opinion) .. Youll have to slowly ween off (directed by your doctor) or else youll get the weird brain pines. But slow enough you can get that poison out of your system and take a more proper medication.You arent receiving any type of benzo for the Anxiety Mental Depression? Do you mind if i Iask how old you are?', 'What do you think about forcing yourself to be sick, get that out and stop the nausea, and then talking about it first?', 'Ah, so you have a constant reminder in your life. Well Im sorry about that. That cant be easy. Not at all.Since whats done is done, it will certainly be interesting to see what she thinks. Like you say, you cant take it back now. Probably the best idea of course, work on distracting yourself for the weekend. Try to have a decent weekend in whatever manner works for you. And hey, just see what happens after that. I can understand that feeling. Of being a bit Social fear of the outcome. I hope that works out in a positive way. But anyway, yeah. Total distraction weekend. ', 'Sounds Hyperactive behavior youre in the roughest spot possible in your family. =/Im sorry that youre having to deal with the darkness at the same time. I hope that venting the frustration helped a little anyway. If you ever need to talk, Im usually here. Bouncing around. As well as many others.***I have to say - I Anxiety about you putting your Kik on here Hyperactive behavior that. I know how that must sound. And maybe you do that and dont have a problem, I dunno. I just had to say it. I Anxiety Hyperactive behavior that.', 'You are absolutely right of course. Knowing these things cant change what you are personally going through. And you have a right to feel Anger and I hope you feel just a little better after getting that out.The unfortunate truth is that going through this surrounded by people who dont understand requires compromise. And its possible that you will be the one making all of the effort for a while. Im only speaking from my personal experience of course. I think its tragic that so many people dismiss this as though you are just sad. That you are just feeling low. I agree with everyone else who commented as well.Your family needs to inform themselves, but you may have to be the one to do it by printing out some literature on it and give it to them. And keep doing that.. I dont know if that will work for you, I have no idea what your family life is Hyperactive behavior. Im only trying to help. Im not trying to make you feel worse at all. I truly hope that you feel a bit better after opening up about it.', 'To answer your base question though, yes people come back from that. Everyone is different and response to different methods differently, but eventually its possible to help you quite a bit.', 'Well, realize this wont be worth much and quite possibly wont be worth anything. But, you have us.I can say that I have personally been in.. A lot of real bad spots. So, if you want to talk about anything, I know that I would be happy to be there, as possibly others as well.I think its tragic and many other words that I dont know if you want to hear, when guys do that. Absolutely selfish. So I want to say that I am real sorry about that, your apartment, and the struggle youre in right now with Mental Depression as a single mother.Im no expert on any one thing. But I know about hard times, being a single parent and most certainly Mental Depression. So, Im here. Im listening.', 'I dont feel you are fucked up in the head. That would make me fucked up in the head. Well, that could very well be true. But not for that reason.To answer your question, Yes I was absolutely shocked. Having been given the wonderful gift of suicidal thoughts and hopelessness at the age of 12, I grew up understanding the world in that perspective.And honestly, Hyperactive behavior so many others Im sure, the simple knowledge that at any time I could choose to do it is the only thing that got me through some parts of my life.Eventually, and much later in life that I would have hoped, that sort of went away. For the past 4 or 5 years I have only considered it a handful of times. Oddly enough, one of those times was during my very long night last night. (=What I am trying to say, in far too many words because thats one of my flaws, You are certainly not alone, as I am just the same. Im sure were among many others here as well.', 'I absolutely agree. Its a calming place. Like the eye of the storm. So no complaints from me.Im happy to hear youre okay. The fluctuations can really get to you. I think its really cool that you made this thread. Was a very kind gesture.', 'Everyone is different in that its always something different that takes some of the Ache and difficulty away.For me, I learned it was loud music. Very loud. So loud I couldnt possibly think of other things, and I would let that take me away. That was my thing. Music. Loud music.', 'And, really, they make it sound much more complex than it really is. At the core it is for the most part, valid reasoning, as it says. those words separately, and together. But that list does very well to define the characteristics.', 'You are most certainly not alone. Everyone is different, and their experiences are unique in many ways, but this is something I think most of us are very familiar with. I know that I am personally intimately acquainted with that place.I cant tell you that I am in that place right now. But I could tell you about times I remember out of more times than I can actually recall.I also have no doubt that at all that there are people on here right that are in that place with you now. I hope that one or more find this thread.So, while I cant say that I am in the same place at this moment, I wanted to let you know that Ive been right there many times.I dont know if this will help or not. I just wanted to give it shot.', 'Well good luck. It sounds Hyperactive behavior you need to do it, so do it and take care of yourself. (=', 'Good people know that no one is ugly.I know that there are many people that see the inside shine through at the same time anyway.Plus there are so many people out there that are so insecure, for one of a thousand reasons, the problem is, thats combined with an unnatural cruelty. So they make fun of anyone within reach, and for a reason I dont understand, that makes them feel better about their wretched self. They may even have good physical looks, but when i see them I just see the ugliness inside them. My dislike for people Hyperactive behavior that is only matched by my pity for them.I am not trying to argue with you. I dont dont know you of course. There are just some wonderful people out there that dont see what others see when they look at themselves. Ive met so many people Hyperactive behavior that. They think they are ugly but just dont see that. Unfortunately I have found its almost* impossible for them to believe that.I guess Im just asking you to consider some of that. And maybe some of it will help a little. ', 'About how old is she. Is she seeing a doctor about it? If so, do you know if she is on medication? Is there a specific thing shes Depressed mood about or is it Mental Depression in general?', 'Hey, as for working out that was mentioned. When I was in Drug abuse school I decided one day I was going to work out. Bought a free-weight set and worked out every morning before school. Im only describing this because that alone made me feel a lot better about pretty much everything.That said, I Hyperactive behavior to go for walks in the dead of night and collect my thoughts.I am a software dev by trade and a website dev in my own time.I have always been a gamer, usually hard-core. Past year or so I completely lost the interest. Which was a very new experience. So I wouldnt end up just relying one thing. (=', 'Yes, what youre going through is terrible, but its not abnormal.There are ways to create a balance without such highs and lows so that you can emotionally lead a more normal life.EDIT: i guess a better question is, do you mind listing what meds you tried?(You dont have to - thats a curious question. Ive been on many) And they didnt help at all?', 'Screw them. There are a lot of insecure assholes in this world.Ill be a friend if you Hyperactive behavior. Though Im not sure being my friend is a good thing or bad thing.. But the offer stands.', 'That was great. Im new here, but I can imagine that you positively effected others by posting that.', 'Theres nothing wrong with coming here and letting things Hyperactive behavior that out. Im glad you did.', 'Im so sorry.. I really am. At that point, and I dont know where you are and dont need to, but I would look into state insurance if possible to see if you could financially qualify. If you havent already of course.', 'I would Hyperactive behavior to subscribe to your newsletter as well.', 'I make myself eat a sandwich every day. and I keep hydrated. Thats good enough for me.', 'I absolutely agree. I support freedom of choice. I cant ever encourage someone to do that. Its just not in me. But I believe if someone wants to choose their own time, place and method that they should be able to.', 'Oh, great thinking. Perfect.', 'Yeah no problem. I just hope things start to get better for you soon.Best of luck man', 'Okay, so im assuming youve been diagnosed with ADHD, or similar, hence the Vyvanse. That can be a problem. That stimulates you. Like speed. I can make Anxiety Mental Depression worse. I say can. It doesnt for everyone.Unfortunately its almost impossible to get a benzo Hyperactive behavior Valium, Xanax, Ativan when youre getting a stim Hyperactive behavior that. I finally did, but it took many appeals.', 'I dont very often. And honestly I only do when the Ache from old accident injuries gets too bad.But, I wanted to comment, because someone I care about a great deal just told me today that they are going to quit smoking because they do feel it could be a big reason for her mood change recently.So I have no idea, yet, but Im hoping thats what it is. At least for her. Thats all I got. (=', 'Thats very kind of you and I appreciate it. For me, it was more about putting that out in cyberspace than anything. I need to get beyond this.I think its great youre willing to listen. Unfortunately, this is one time I need to make the ride alone. But I dont plan on being down for long. And yes I want to help others. Ive been doing my best to do so. When Im not doing bad, it makes me feel good if I can do that.Im not trying to brush you off or simply dismiss your help. Its very much appreciated. I feel much better having put that out there and I can build back up as soon as possible. Just took a good blow this morning / last night and I need to come to terms.Again, thank you.', 'I understand how you feel. I think there are various ways, or even stages that we treat this overbearing suicidal tendency. It can take several different shapes. Right now you seem to be afraid that you could actually do it.Thats good, as odd as it may seem. This means that youre aware that you dont want that to happen.Given that people inevitably succeed, and often, I do believe its a possibility. I also believe that you dont really want to find out whether or not youre capable.Ive been on that brink so many times. Ive raged at the failed attempts. Ive Social fear myself so bad at just how close I came to succeeding one time that I couldnt stop shaking.Its a terrible path to be traveling. Do you currently see a doctor about this? I honestly feel that you should. Thats what got me back on track. Primarily a cocktail of medication (which I am no longer taking, successfully).So if you havent done that yet, please consider it.', 'Yes.Just saying, I had pretty much given up. In the end it was just too much BS and too much to feel. So I Wasnt looking. Didnt even go out anymore. No desire to. I thought I was content enough just Hyperactive behavior that.Then, seriously, Hyperactive behavior magic, she was right there in my, then, secluded life.So my advice, dont totally give up on it.', 'I see its been an hour since you posted, but do you still need to talk? I have some personal experience with Suicide as well as a nervous breakdown.', 'I dont believe thats the truth. Thats only your current reality. That change change very quickly.', '> Anybody out there have anything to say?Yup.There are many forms it takes, and I have experienced more than I can count. So yes, I do think that way.Are you being treated for this? If not I highly recommend it. It got me through, somehow, and now Im relatively fine. And Im even off my medications.', 'Out of curiosity, how old are you?', 'Aw cmon. We get to experience the entire spectrum of the emotional color field.normal is boring. ...I do actually believe that. That includes the women Im into. They have to have a little of that Abnormal behavior going on.', 'If you have no one to talk to Im here. Almost always. As are many others. Always willing to listen and talk.', 'Hey, just chiming in to let you know that first of all, they are not necessarily permanent.Sometimes that can really help you make it through a rough period of time much easier. You can be much more able to cope with this, your low points will most likely not be near as low. I understand not wanting to resign yourself to having to take something Hyperactive behavior that for the rest of your life. After figuring out what would work for me, which took a while, I took mine for a good 3 years. Things improved dramatically, so I decided I wanted to see how well I would handle the same situation in life without them. So I tapered off of them, slowly, and gave my brain time to get used to functioning as it is. That can take a while after taking medication, especially if youre taking multiple and have been for a good while.But, after that was all done, I realized that - wow - this is going to work. I can absolutely function this way with my life as it is now. So, Im very happy. And I honestly dont know how I would have made it through that period without the medication.So, just offering my thoughts.', 'Heres one thing to keep in mind, that I had a difficult time believing. Some of us are able to involuntarily mask our inner turmoil. While I dont know what all youve said, no one can see what youre going through when you look at you. They have no idea.And trying to explain something Hyperactive behavior this to someone that hasnt been through it is an exercise in futility. Unfortunately.But thats what this place is for. Do you mind saying what medication(s) youre on?', 'Well for me it was a great fit.In order to actually enjoy developing software you will need to enjoy logic in its purest form. I always did, and I taught myself a bit of programming when I was young and I had fun. So based on that I turned it into my day job eventually and I have no regrets.If youre interested, do a little research on the core principles of logic (which are fairly basic) and see if that interests you at all. I only Stress this, because if youre developing software, you will be thinking as a machine, in logic, and eventually youll be planning steps ahead as you go. Many people believe its boring, and I respect that. I absolutely love it.', 'Okay, you do have people here you can talk to, so we can get you at least to your appointment.Its not good to cut, but I can assure you that normal people do. You are not a freak in any way. You are not evil. Youre in Ache and I understand. What would you Hyperactive behavior to talk about?', 'Yes, I have a little 2 year degree (associates). It wasnt ever the end-game plan.I started out at a community college to build my first 2 years of credits before I went on to a university. When I realized that this wouldnt be happening I changed my focus so that I actually received some sort of degree for the two years, so its quite simply an Associates degree in the generic Computer Science. (=Not all that special. But I think I ended up lucky in that I never actually needed anything mor	2	Ideation
Understood. What if you dont have a doctor nor the funds to accommodate one? And what am I supposed to say?', 'Oh I had that in mind when I read it sir, not to say I dont appreciate your expansion in the matter. Ive been watching old YouTube clips, listening to Kid Cudi and Im currently downloading Grandmas Boy. Just trying to sink back into the folds of my mind and get in touch with a simpler time. Your view on art is perfect btw, though I Hyperactive behavior to also think that great art sometimes has to leave room for interpretation. As in its made in such a way that different people will come to different conclusions based on their own individual circumstances. In that sense, some art has the ability to actually speak to you as a person without having to endear to a sense of collective. I sincerely hope I dont sound condescending. Just trying to express the reason I Hyperactive behavior art.', 'Thanks man! Im gonna give this a go. Ive already downloaded the Man on the Moon album and a few others and Im changing my nightly walks to daily. Also a lot more yard work. Maybe even a garden? Naw no garden lol. But Ill give my mind and I a change of scenery. Get myself outta this rut Im in hopefully. Youre a good person to have put all the time/effort into typing that. ', 'You Irritable Mood Carl Jung? Isnt he a scientist? Also Im pretty sure youve heard it before but the poem Invictus by William Hernest Henley has and always will be my favorite poem. If you havent read it, Ive got a feeling youd Hyperactive behavior it :) Thanks for reminding about that haha. And yes, the artists/authors vision is not always black and white. They show you what they see and let you come to your own conclusions. This can both unite and isolate people. And I resent the people that think theyre the authority on art. Like when they say that video games arent art. I Irritable Mood it really is subjective what you can consider art, I know. But to me, art is anything that can be taken for anything beyond face value. Hell, Id even consider nature art. It may or may not be made by some benevolent(is that the one that means nice?) being but it can still speak volumes about the individual that can draw inspiration from it. Art teaches me the difference between the intrinsically beautiful and ugly sides of life. It can preach morality without stepping up on a Drug abuse horse. ', 'Thats a very concise way to put it, thank you. I was going in the opposite direction with my explanation. Im going to google Carl Jung and download some of his work though. Ive heard of him before but can only vaguely remember his what he practices let alone what hes taught.Thanks for being a cool dude/dudette. Im logging off for the day to air out and watch Grandmas Boy :) have a great day man, Ill catch up with you later.', 'Youre right, United States. Thanks for the advice. Ill see to it as soon as funds become available.', 'I plan on doing that tonight. Thanks man and I appreciate your help :)', 'Youre probably right. But whats a GP? Haha	1	Indicator
Youre not alone. Were with you.', 'Hey there.Could you tell me your story? Id be interested in hearing it.', 'Hey.There are a list of hotline numbers available for you to call if you need someone to talk to: /r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlinesWe want you to stay with us. No one will be happier if you go through with this. Please dont do it.', 'Theres nothing wrong with making new friends hoping they might point you towards that special someone. But at the same time, by branching out and meeting new people, you might meet that special someone on your own.You still have more than half of your life ahead of you. Its way too early to give up on searching. There are people in their 90s getting married. Its never too late.', 'Hi.Have you tried talking to a guidance counselor at your school, or one of your teachers? They could get you some of the help that you need.', 'I know it might seem hopeless, but there are certainly other people in their 40s looking to make new friends, just Hyperactive behavior you. You might find people with common interests that hang out with you every night, or just someone to talk to about the weather once a week. There are a lot of people in the world, and I would bet that at least half of them are wanting to make a new friend with someone. But youll never find them until you start searching.', 'The hotlines are there to get you the help that you need. They can help you get counseling or connect you to other resources to get you back on track and find that next step.', 'Your father is fully capable of taking care of himself. What you need to Anxiety about is your mental health and well-being. Dont let your father scare you into not getting the help that you need.', 'Youre right, people dont suddenly become friends. It takes time and common interests. If you volunteer at an animal shelter, or a zoo, or a museum, you already have at least one common interest with the others that are working and volunteering there. Given enough time, if you keep talking to the same individuals, its possible for you to become friends with someone.My grandmother has been living in assisted living, and still manages to make new friends just by seeing and talking to the same people everyday. Youre never too old to make new friends.', 'Hey.Have you talked to a guidance counselor at your school, or a teacher? Talking with someone one-on-one instead of with your whole family could be more productive.', 'Most people that work at hotlines are volunteers who arent paid. They do it not for a paycheck but because they care about you as a human being.Please give them a chance. They really do care about you.', 'Hey.Have you considered joining any clubs, or doing any volunteer work? Working at something Hyperactive behavior an animal shelter, soup kitchen, or food pantry can be a great way to meet new people and make some new friends.', 'Hey.If you need someone to talk to, Im willing to listen. Whats going on?', 'Families are being started later every generation. Theres nothing wrong with starting a brand new family in your 40s or 50s. You might think that time is running out, but its not. Theres so much time still Ventricular Dysfunction, Left for you to do all the wonderful things a couple and family can do.Youre only 42 years old. Thats still young. My dad is 64 years old and still does all the yard work, house maintenance, and construction you can think of. Hes active and plays tennis and basketball every week. My parents go out on bike rides all the time. Theyve been going on trips to places Hyperactive behavior Disney World and Savanna, Georgia. Theyve been doing wonderful things that couples do.Theres nothing you can do in your 20s that you cant do at age 42, or age 50, or age 64.', 'Are there any after-school clubs or sports that you might find interesting? I have met a lot of new friends by going to clubs with people who had similar interests to me. Im sure theyd love to have a new member join.If you just need someone to talk to, your school guidance counselors are there to listen to you. Please go talk to them about what youre experiencing; they are there to help you.', 'Hey.If you need to talk, Im willing to listen. Whats going on?	0	Supportive
You are not too nice, being nice is a virtue and nothing else. Of course you can have too much of certain things related to kindness; you can be too trusting, generous, etc. - but kindness is not your hindrance. The issue here is that your heart has been broken in a bitter way. Do not let this bitterness seep into your character and destroy your strength, benevolence, and character. Keep those things safe.Do not let her memory ruin your life either. You loved her for the good parts of her character and for who you thought she was. Now you see clearly that she is not someone who you want to be involved with, and that is enough. Just step back, take care of yourself, and let things run their course. This Ache will pass soon enough.How do you think this event has affected your character traits?', 'You are not in a right state of mind, anything you do right now will be a mistake. Call 911, get help, and put the gun down.', 'You are your own person with your strengths and weaknesses. You are articulate, and you are open about your problems; you are observant about your short comings and are taking notes on other peoples strengths. There is a method to your madness, and the underlying pattern is a strong one - those are virtuous traits I see in your writing.So your friends have talents - you can have these talents too. You can be great at what you want. You can get good at math through practice, become funny through consistent flailing attempts at humor, you can be successful with hard work. You will do all of these things and they will make you feel better.I also must emphasize being the number is not the most important thing; the important thing is to be the best person you can be. Just try to be your best and love yourself for it. We all love you and we do not even know you! You will certainly find happiness if you keep at it my friend.', 'Tell me how it goes. Remember; it will all be okay in the end.', 'You are not blind or stupid, you are troubled and exacerbated. You should never feel ashamed of being those two things, they are what make you human. They are important feelings that will give you drive to become the person you want to be. What kind of person do you want to be my friend?', 'What do you think is holding you back?', 'You have my condolences.', 'Your mother is strong and she can carry many burdens. What is important now is all that matters now, and what has to happen is for you to beat your Mental Depression, and the only way to do that is to fight it head on, day after day- pulling yourself up every time it beats you down.Fight your Mental Depression ferociously for your mom, if not yourself. Nothing would make her happier than knowing her baby is taking steps to correct his heart ache. She would be happy to see you weightlifting again. She would be happy to see you place yourself into a position to gain confidence requisite for blooming into an Respiratory Distress Syndrome, Adult.Go forth and prosper.', 'Not killing yourself for your dog is the most beautiful thing I have hear all day.Do you a psychiatrist, or medication? Also what are your lost hobbies?', 'Oh and rest assured you will! People are become exponentially more open minded. You will find many people who are more open minded as you continue your travels. You will also meet many fellow queers Hyperactive behavior myself! Are there any LGBT groups in your area?', 'are you comparing yourself with your ideal self?', 'What happened?', 'From you outward works, you are the person I would love to be once I graduate college. Articulate, accomplished, and hardworking - everything that I am lacking!You are a wonderful person, and you are going to be successful in whatever you do. I would recommend slowing down a little bit, put all of your surroundings into the present perspective. Dwelling on the dark veins of the past is not healthy if it kills your spirit, so dont let it mottle you. Learn from the past, and use that knowledge wisely - with compassion for yourself and other - into practice. I would recommend letting your fianc\xc3\xa9 know how you are feeling, there is no reason not to. Partners, especially a spouse or soon to be spouse, need to support one another, so help them god. Dont you agree?Stay in there girl, you will make it. P.S. what is your fantasy novel about? I am a dungeon master and I am very interested in the subject. ', 'Intrusive thoughts are the worse kind of thoughts; they are ugly and stubborn. You should not Feeling despair though, because this can be overcome. These intrusive thoughts will disappear with properly applied actions. There innumerable resources, therapies, and practices that can help you deal with these soul crushing thoughts.I would strongly recommending building a base of coping strategies to deal with your intrusive thoughts when they emerge. For example if you start feeling bad about your body - go for a run. If you hate yourself for not doing charitable works, go online and counsel on r/Mental Depression or r/Suicide. Keep building these strategies until you have routine that can put you on the track to happiness. My personal favorite way of dealing with unwanted thoughts is meditation, which causes me not to think at all. Usually if I stop thinking for a while, my disturbing thoughts will disappear for a time, and I will feel much better. What kind of strategies do you think would appeal to you? Name a few.Also, I do not know how much you have read on the intrusive thoughts, but they are a common phenomenon. Check out these resources. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrusive_thoughtshttp://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/am-i-normal/201110/intrusive-thoughts-normal-or-not', 'There is nothing rational about continuing to live, or choosing to die. The question you are asking does not lie in the realm of reason. This is because all the variables you would construe to make an argument are based off the irrational impulses wrought by an irrationally silly human mind.The truth is that life is a banquet. It is a feast of unparalleled complexity. Of course some of the dishes are served cold, and there are many crumbs Ventricular Dysfunction, Left at the end of the banquet; but the overall experience is bar none a most stimulating one. You will return to the void, or whatever construes the afterlife, whether you kill yourself or not. In the meantime, beat your Mental Depression and regain your appetite for life. ', 'An intelligent person Hyperactive behavior you will not stay impoverished for long, especially once the economy picks up. It is okay to be slow to start on your road to success. These things take time, you will get better.You feel as though you are changing, and you dont Hyperactive behavior the way you are changing. What changes have taken place in your life recently that have you so down on yourself? You are admirable in your dedication to education and art.', 'Well thank you too!', 'I lost my best friend to Mormonism, so I know exactly how you feel. Do not be too angry, friendships need to be appreciated in the moment - because eventually they must end. I am very sorry for your loss though.Try to get better for in the meantime. ', 'When did you lose these things my friend? Was there a sudden cause for this change? Or did come on subtly?', 'Like something that you can still do. You can still succeed. We are all rooting for you.', 'My mistake. Well at least you have the welding skill under your belt. Knowing things is good - makes your brain sharper.Well metal art is something to look forward to. The world is never as bleak if you have art. Art always gives us a mission, a reason to live. Maybe you will consider that instead of Suicide?', 'See! You are a wonderful person with gumption and potential. You are going to have a very interesting life. Youve just been a little overwhelmed by injustice, but that is okay. You will do well in a few years when you fly the coup and go to warm place that suits your temperament. Dont you think so?', 'I am glad to hear you exercise, that is a very good thing. You undervalue you usefulness on r/Mental Depression and r/suicidewatch; subscribers of those reddits rarely want anything in particular; they just want people to listen to their problems. But I digress, you should look for some activity that will make you feel better. Perhaps pursuing a goal. Do you have any great aspirations?Those things aside, you sound Hyperactive behavior you are functioning fairly well externally. So it begs the question; what do you think is causing this circle of self hate that is bringing you down? What is the source of this anguish?Also, please do not feel certain that Suicide is the only way out. There is no way of knowing what lies in the future. Like so many before you, you can beat Mental Depression. Please keep on looking for positive solutions.', 'Damn, you have my condolences. That is fucking terrible. But damn Suicide is a poor choice. There is still a whole world; a whole world that you can make better. The world will be a better place if you stick around, for better or for worse. We need strong folk Hyperactive behavior yourself, we need you.', 'You do have something to offer the world, it just is not obvious right now. Do have any hobbies or passions?', 'Lol, in the night I had an image of you as some handsome looking young thing, then as black robed, skull faced, crypt lord playing a wicked drum solo. Then as both.', 'Those sound Hyperactive behavior excellent professions! What kind of things do you write? I ask because I write role playing games in my spare time. I love writing.', 'You deserve as much understanding as you give others. You are a person, and deserve to be treated with love and respect - both from the outside environment and from within yourself. The question then becomes, how do you think you can achieve equilibrium? What traits, practices, ideas, etc., will break you free of your self hate? What is the source of this self hate? ', 'What did he tell your parents?', 'Elegy For A Lost Soul and your piano pieces are exceptional. They sound Hyperactive behavior the feeling you get when you look over a vantage point across a city; then think about all of the tiny struggles, aspirations, and adventures all these little human beings are having. Elegy For a Lost Soul feels more personal though, sort of Hyperactive behavior going through lifes labyrinth with all of its sorrows and joys and not really knowing what to do but to whistle a tune of some kind. I probably sound silly, but is that what you were trying to put into these songs? Also, Elegy For a Lost Soul has got that old school Zelda feel to it alright, but that is a good thing and I am sure you would agree. Also, my mom liked your music. Except for the rap one, she did not Hyperactive behavior that one bit. lol.', 'I read your post, and you are not a failure. You will move past these powerful tribulations. Committing Suicide however, will squelch your bright future and burden your family with unfathomable, character destroying grief. Your Suicide would be forever lacerate your loved ones lives. Do not do it.', 'Thank you for sharing. Stories Hyperactive behavior yours are what make people contribute to this forum.', 'I am very saddened; you have my sincerest sympathy. Romantically speaking, perhaps a drought may be what you are going through. However, I must emphasize that even droughts pass; so long as there is land to bear the rain. Let there be land to bear that rain; do not commit Suicide.You want self confidence, and believe me, somewhere within you there is heaps of it. You must put yourself into positions that pull this part of you to light. Volunteer at your local soup kitchen, attack or create a passion, put yourself into a responsible position. This will build your self esteem, it will build your character, and it will increase your sway over lovers. You do not throw off Mental Depression by staying strong underneath its tremendous weight. You beat Mental Depression by building a support system, both internally and externally, that takes it off your shoulders.Where you are is not a good place. Can we brainstorm a strategy that I will set you on your path away from this cloud?', 'No come on man, you can do it. Call a hotline, talk to a person. ', 'If you do not Hyperactive behavior your voice, you can change it with exercises. Some practice will smooth out that drawl.Your voice does not sound as bad as you think due to the same reason photos always seem less attractive than your reflection in a mirror. You prefer the images and sounds you are accustomed to. You are not accustomed to your voice outside of what you here in your own day to day speaking, so it seems repulsive.', 'That is unfortunate. It is not a good think to be labeled. However, in a few short years most of that will stop. Also Drug abuse school you will be able to reinvent yourself to some extent, so you can look forward to that.', 'I am sad that a wonderful person Hyperactive behavior yourself is going through so much Ache. You do not deserve to beat yourself up so, you are an exceptional human but one with faults, Hyperactive behavior anybody. You might have some setbacks now, but everyone has them, and it is no shame to find yourself searching and wandering for equilibrium in life. You have my love. Now I am curious, why do you think the more we change the less we feel? I have felt this same way recently - but how have you been feeling about this change?', 'Suicide is not the answer though, remember there is a lot of people who love you and are willing to support you. I am a queer as well, but live in San Francisco - and let me tell you; over here there is no discrimination. It is a non-issue if someone is LGBT, and there is only love and support for our minority. Eventually you will get away from this poisinous environment, and will be able to right the wrongs that have been inflicted onto our community. ', 'Did the psychologist know you are suicidal? If so, he may be legally obligated to contact your doctor, who in turn called you parents at his discretion, if you do not show up for a session.Your parents say unhelpful things because they are scared, all you can do is forgive them. It would be a fine idea to tell them that their remarks of that nature are Depressed mood you, and that they need to stop in that regard. We care about you. Your parents, your physicians, me; everyone. Do not commit suicide.EDIT: [your psychologisy] may be legally obligated to contact your doctor, this is why he did not call your parents directly. Also if you are on your parents medical plan, the doctor may have been legally obligated to contact them, since they are in charge of the medical plan.', 'Koji Kondo is fricken refreshing and unique musical treasure. So talented.Japan has been pumping out some incredible arists that last couple of decades. Have you ever heard of Joe Hisaishi? He is down the ally of Koji, just more orthodox (in a good way, to be sure). Check out this joint; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEDVsUDRuRY', 'That is good! I bet you will look even better in another year. Mid-twenties is when all the facial features mature, and people finally fit into their skin. Same with the thirties, so long as you have been working out. Then you hit the blessed 40s and 50s, and it doesnt matter what you look Hyperactive behavior, because you just look naturally wise and calm.', 'All that can be said is that neither of these people are worth committing Suicide over. Since your friend did this, and your lover acquiesced, we see with certainty is that these relationships were not meant to be. These relationships would have died regardless, so do not utterly succumb to your rightful grief - this tragedy is only a early bitter end to an inevitable disintegration.Anger against your mind boggling negligent betrayers is misplaced. Human sexuality is a crap shoot in a crap house, and chances are good that your former friends will emerge from their relationship covered in shit and short of money. They are, for lack of a better word, stupid; we can be understanding towards them on that one account.', 'Take some deep breaths to sooth the tightness in your chest - maybe go and some vigorous exercise if you are so inclined. Do whatever makes you happy too, that always helps. Okay, so misinforming your parents might not work out, but that is okay. They wont be Anger or disappointed at you for long. If you lied in the past just tell them how ashamed you felt about failing them, and that this Guilt caused you mental instability, which lead to many maladaptions - including lying. Worst case scenario is that you take a break from college, which is something many people do. My father may he rest in peace, took 10 years of meandering to get his bachelors - but still became wildly successful later in life. So I must emphasize; the problems you face are great, but they are very fixable . Let things run their course - everything will straighten itself out in the end.How did the test go?The best way to make this Anxiety Mental Depression go away is to come clean with your parents. I do not think they will be too Anger or dissapointed - and if they are they will forget their misgivingings with just a little bit of time. ', 'Well, then that is not very good, but hey, that is okay. Your just starting your Respiratory Distress Syndrome, Adult life, so there are many things to look forward too. You can look forward to moving away right? Ever thought of living in the Bay Area my queer friend?', 'Everyone hates themselves to some degree; this self loathing gives a lot of people the drive build their own character and to attack the reprehensible parts of themselves.If you cannot learn to love yourself for your faults, then the next course of action is to attack the faults that most denigrate your character. So this begs the question; what are your most glaring faults? How can we smooth and buff those issues out of your character?', 'Oh I am so happy you have found a therapist! And a lesbian to boot! How are you feeling now? Everything copacetic? ', 'that is alright to feel that way, and I am glad you are not going to commit Suicide. Like TigerHunter said, we cannot control our feelings, all we can do is learn to understand and cope with them. I am sure times medicine will heal this particular wound good and clean in the years to come.', 'Is that not already on the path of the solution? To study, and to better yourself; these are virtues. However, what you are studying seems not to be making you happier, which means it is time to expand your horizon. What part of life if studied in greater depth do you think would make you happier and wiser? This is the great question.', 'But I bet you will feel them again my friend!', 'I was an outcast at my school too. I did a lot of drugs, failed academically, disgraced my family, had no friends in my school; you know the deal. Anyway I would just Hyperactive behavior to reassure you that it will get better.My friend struggled with Mental Depression all throughout his school career, and he swears that at the moment of graduation all his struggling and suffering ended, and the sun shined through the clouds onto the podium where he took his diploma. The school band playing angelic trumpets all the while. Like my friends opinion of himself, what he says is grossly embellished, however it still rings true. High school is Hyperactive behavior mud; it tarnishes all that is different from itself. Right now you are muddy, but dont Anxiety; there is a nice hot shower coming around the corner.Until then be content to hose yourself down. Remember everyone you know in highschool will go their seperate ways in a few short years. Remember everything they do to you is ephemeral, and the only real damage they inflict is the damage you let get you down. Continue doing what you love, because though in Drug abuse school being authentic is scorned, in the real world it is one of the highest virtues of enlightened peoples. Dont let the bullshit ruin your shoes! Keep going strong.', 'I understand that feeling, it is a powerfully authentic one that is full of conflicted emotions. Why do you not feel Hyperactive behavior yourself? Why is that you feel Hyperactive behavior you are performing?', 'Oooh yes you can travel with that degree, they always nee nurses in some part of the world. That minor in Spanish too is excellent, the way the United States is going now especially; an education in Spanish language and culture is a must. Where you thinking about travelling though? South America is a scary place if you ask me. (of course, maybe you are going to Spain).', 'Time for a change. What can be done to get you out this funky state my friend? Therapy usually helps, and I have seen medication do great things. Are you doing any of these regimens?', 'Why are you choosing right now to end it? Especially since are so close to getting your BS? Why this moment when things are about to open up for you?', 'There are people who also love you. I am from the Bay Area; the land of San Francisco, Silicon Valley, and Berkeley. Out here there is only love towards gays. They are even considering renaming SF airport after Harvey Milk. Eventually you will be able to leave the hateful place you are now and come to one of the more metropolitan areas where tolerance and diversity is king. Also, that being said, you and I will see homophobia die and dissipate in our own lifetimes. Pretty soon we will not have to feel ashamed! Our progeny can be happy with themselves. We will do it!Do not commit Suicide, stay strong for the sake of gender/sexual minorities everywhere. We are in this together - and we all have your back.', 'Things will get better. You will be able to repay your mom soon enough with your degree - the market is just a little Thirst right now and you are fresh out of college so expect lean times for a little while longer until the economy ticks back up again (which it is).That your girlfriend Ventricular Dysfunction, Left you Hyperactive behavior that is not good - but dont kill yourself over it. It was not meant to work out, this is true for most meaningful relationships. Just appreciate the good memories you are Ventricular Dysfunction, Left with, reflect on the lessons taught, and keep your eye on the horizon. At least your partnership didnt fall apart after the two of your were married with kids!Why do you feel Suicide is the answer?', 'People will not always manipulate you. Eventually you will be able to move away from those people who take advantage of you, or learn how to avoid their pervasive advances.What set you off today? Anything in particular?', 'Keep talking with your school counselors. Keep working hard at your school work. All you can do is your best.I would just Hyperactive behavior to emphasize if the worst does occur, it is not the end of the world. One of my alumni spent two years at a local community college before transferring to Harvard. My point is you still have a lot options if things take a turn for the worse. Also, what school you go to is not a serious issue in the long run so long as you are motivated and competent. You sound motivated and competent so do not Anxiety.', 'That is a hurdle you are facing, but I think you can rest assured things will work out in the long run. If you fail a class here, lose a couple thousand dollars there, it is no big deal as long as you continue on stalwartly. This is because in the context of a lifetime, failing a class and losing money in college is only a blip - the whole of your college career will eat up less than 5% of your life, and the money you spend will be even less than that. Of course there is your parents ire, and that is serious - however it is out of your control. If they cannot accept you for your faults then it is because they are wanting - not you. Better times will come my friend, do not kill yourself.', 'I do not know if this reddit will have as much to offer you as others, so be sure to shop around for advice.Since do not have enough information to council you, let me ask you something ; If you had to do it right now, what would you say and what do you think the outcome would be?', 'The University of Life is an excellent program, it is good to hear you are enrolled. I think that is a good thing that you are bit stubborn with your art; after all, your are art has to be you. You cannot always let it be shaped by outside influences. What kind of art do you do?', 'I think if you understand that your thoughts are ridiculous, then that fact a lone should keep yourself from taking your own life. Many people, especially at our age, are consumed by internal turmoil caused from both psychological and physical problems. Hormonal imbalances, new Phobia, Social experiences; all of these things Attention Deficit Disorder up in our younger years. It adds up, but eventually it evens out; and it goes away as suddenly as it came.Try to stop your Phobia, Social situations from depressing you too much. These things change rapidly in Drug abuse school. You may find your situation wanting right now, but it will change for the better. I can promise this.Also I have a question. Do you often find yourself inviting your friends to hang out, attend events, etc.? I have found that people, young people especially, tend not to pursue socializing unless there is ready transportation and fun activities. If you pursued socializing with them, you may find that they are very glad to accept your invitations.Also, have checked out r/LGBTeen or r/Bisexual? I have found these reddits extremely comforting, and refreshing, even though I do not participate in them often.I apologize for missing the fact you were closeted, I do not Irritable Mood to seem un-thoughtful; I am just not very thorough. ', 'School Indifferent mood does not make you a stupid slacker; it happens to the most hard working among us. Do not Increased Sweating it.', 'I am really glad to hear that you have such a good goal. Keep at it.', 'If what I understand is correct, you hate yourself when you dont let yourself fail, then you hate yourself for hating yourself, then you hate yourself for having Mental Depression. My brother, you know this way of thinking is not correct; its logic is not cogent and there is no reason in its character. Use introspection to discern a wise way of looking at yourself and the world. Do not use the reactionary sort of introspection that labels things as insubstantial or bad; use the clear introspection that is cool and compassionate. Look at yourself as a gardener would look at her last remaining rose bush after a late frost. The gardener tends to the rose carefully because it is all that she has. The rose maybe twisted and blemished, but she forgives that roses imperfections as numerous as they me be; because on that rose all of her happiness and dreams lie.So I beg you to treat yourself with understanding. Remember self loathing should not be taken personally, but be seen as call to action. You should ask yourself "What can I do that will start moving me out of this Mental Depression as soon as possible?". Whatever it is, it is does not to be big. Just make another little step in the right direction; that is best, most noble thing you can do. I see you offer advice to people on r/Mental Depression, keep doing that! Do you not see that you are valuable for that singular service? You are a good person and deserve to be happy. Please do not commit Suicide. Please. For now, let us, you and I, go about offering encouragement to our brothers and sisters on r/Mental Depression and r/suicidewatch. Doing that service is valuable, and will make us both feel better about ourselves and our relationship to the rest of the world.', 'You might not be the best, but that is okay. Making art is about giving back - not making the prettiest piece. You can only every give back what you give - no more no less.Even if your work fails, try to be satisfied with yourself. You will make mistakes and fail sometimes in this life. That is okay too. The important thing is that you keep giving back what you can and that you are happy.You say you are studying. Are you a student?', 'I just wanted to let you know I read your post and my heart goes out to you. Do not think it gets worse from here, it will get better. Middle school was the worst time in my life, and for most of my peers. When you grow older people will not yell as much, and people will hardly tease you at all. Even if they do, you will be stronger by then and outside influences will have less of an effect of you. This is a trial for your spirit; stay true to yourself and you will emerge a bona fide woman.', 'Come on man, I got love for you. You need to stay up and stay safe.Really terrible things happen in this life, horrible awful things that arent even proper to speak of, but folk still get on through with a lot of smiles and laughs. You gotta stay around, and make things better for yourself, and find those smiles again. You can do it.', 'You dont care about what people think, but at the same time they influence you greatly. Why do you think that is? Also, why does not caring this much cause you to feel Hyperactive behavior a teenager? It seems Hyperactive behavior not caring about others think would have the opposite effect.', 'Depression is obscuring your direction. You must accrue a passion, something to put yourself in. Put yourself in a position to become happy or inspired. What do you think might draw your interest? What could give you direction?Suicide is to terrible to imagine. Please spare yourself. Remember that Mental Depression is a disease that can be cured; but Suicide is a tragedy beyond anything.', 'That is terrible, I hope things get better for you and your family. You are not useless, you are a husband and a father who has a sense of responsiblity. That counts for something in my book. ', 'We love you. Do not commit Suicide.What you are experiencing is call suicidal ideation: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicidal_ideationDont ever believe these are your own thoughts, they are from a small fickle place in your brain. They will most likely pass.', 'Whats on your mind? Why do you think your mom is Anger at you for losing the girl?', 'Dont let these setbacks kill you, literally. If you want to get into the welding industry you certainly will, just keep sending out those applications. remember, it will be all worth it in the end; the United States is short tens of thousands of welders, so you should know your skills are valuable (it would be a damn shame to lose an asset Hyperactive behavior yourself if you ask me; we need more welders!). Check out r/welding; there is a lot of experienced welders with strong opinions on there that may help you. It has certainly helped me understand the welding trade which I am learning to be a part of.You will get through this, and it will be alright. Just take a second to breath and chill; appreciate that you still have your two legs to bear you and your two hands to build your aspirations.', 'You bet, you would love it. A lot of spanish culture too. What are your interests? Whatever they are we have them.', 'Its good to feel good about your weight. The Mental Depression diet may not be the best, but hell you gotta look at the good. With that exercise too, sheesh, I bet youre stunning. Dont you agree?', 'I am moved by your post; you have my sympathy and condolences. This is the right place to post this, its good to get these things out of yourself.What are some things that you have been passionate about in the past, my friend? Those too are important to get out of yourself, especially if you want to care about them again.', 'But you can look forward. Things will change for better or for worse. You could look forward to moving with this change. Making friends, improving yourself, and trying new experiences for example. All of these things can come to pass.', 'Certainly, young looking people age the most gracefully - Hyperactive behavior when polish something nice and slowly. I must go to bed now, perhaps I will see you in my dreams!', 'I assume people Hyperactive behavior you because you are a good person. Depression has a way of obscuring the way we truly are from ourselves. You focus on the negative, but the negative is not the whole of reality. You must look at the positive too.Also I must emphasize that the right women will come. There are always Thirst spells in the game of love; you must be patient and give these things time. Suicide is such a tragedy, it is the greatest bereavement any group of people can face. There is nothing more terr	0	Supportive
I havent tried to commit Suicide since March 2013. I still have suicidal thoughts. But, I havent tried again. I hope somebody gets involved soon. And, I hope you dont get a 5150/involuntary commitment if they find you before your sleep. Involuntary commitment/72 hour Suicide watch can be more damaging to your future than I wouldve ever believed.Id love to show compassion, but I dont know why you felt Hyperactive behavior taking a bunch of pills, or what kind of pills you took.Ive been there, and am suicidal often. So, if you need to talk to somebody Im willing to try.', 'I dont want to sound Hyperactive behavior an asshole, but two friends sounds awesome. I have none and Im still trying. Im $36k deeper in debt because of a "Licensed Clinical Social Worker" that was unlicensed at the hospital I was taken to. My insurance company claimed my "condition" was pre-existing. Ive never been diagnosed with anything. My insurance company sent the pre-existin-condition form to the admitting physician. Right now, my goal is to tell that cunt and liar doctor that I paid off my debt and they lost their license because of me. Not plausible, but its a goal. I hate both of them, BAD. And, if they believe in their bullshit, they WIN! I fought hard and Im not dead.Sounds Hyperactive behavior a petty life. But, Im alive and I have a goal.', 'Too bad. We cant be friends. Ill still try to listen if you need somebody to talk to. I am suicidal as hell. Calling my father helps. He got Social fear as shit once and called the cops. When he learned that it didnt help and started costing me money, he started listening. Its been better, I think.Im still suicidal, and its better, I guess. I love my dad for it, and Im not calling him again. He was willing to put himself in harm to save my life. I hate that I cant repay him because Im still suicidal. Hes helping pay-off the medical bills, though.Ill, eventually, let him down. I dont Hyperactive behavior living, either.', 'Whats your favorite color? If its green, you just got a new internet friend. Cheers. Thanks.Edit: I realize an internet-friend isnt worth a damn. But, Im replying to the same subreddit youre reading. Hey, green aint so bad. Everyone else, theyre assholes that dont get it.Were all just reaching-out and hoping somebody cares. I dont care about you. But, Ill listen and try to help because Ive gone broke "getting help" for my problems from assholes across the medically-licensed USA.	4	Attempt
No. Looked all over the internet for Kentucky [looked through her profile, think she said she lived there] suicides and the obituarys. Nothing.', 'Sorry to be rough, but its not.Its never worth it. So many things will happen. Youll regret it. Look at all those Suicide survivors. They all regretted their choice pretty fast. Im not the best talker, so sorry if I mess up.', 'No, i understand. People are fucking stupid, and think pills and drugs will help. It wont. Just remember, think twice about what youre doing. Roadtrips are fun i hear. Goodluck. You are unique, ive never seen someone Hyperactive behavior you. Seriously. Goodluck in everything, and i hope you change your mind.Adios dude.-Allen', 'Dang. Youre lucky. Whats your education? Surely you must be a PHD in something :)', 'Thats a fast explanation. A pretty simple one. Nice.', 'Listen, I cant offer you great advice. But I want you to know, someone will care about you dying. Its never worth it. Trust me. ', 'Hey, lets talk.', 'I understand your problem.I Hyperactive behavior saying things with a shower metaphor. You wake up, and youre Exhaustion. You dont want to do anything. After you take a shower, you can do anything. Youre Wakefulness. You aced your tests. You have it going for you. You just need to find your shower.', 'Listen, i hope you dont do anything. I know you have things going on, and i know that you feel horrible. Horrible enough to die. But i want to tell you this, if you do decide to die, dont go out Hyperactive behavior that. Its suffocation. It would feel horrible. So, wanna talk about things? Whats up? Let me try to help you.', 'That really sucks.It really sucks knowing i cant do anything for you, if youre so set on doing this. Honestly, i dont have anything else to say. Please call a hotline, and talk with a friend. If you do decide, may God make you go quick and i hope you live a good afterlife. ', 'Following!', 'Fine.', 'In personal opinion, terminating that child was okay. It would of been a bad place to raise one in a college area. You guys did the best thing for it. And about your visit? Dont Anxiety about here being Anger. Just because you didnt make a sexual move doesnt make you bad. Its not your fault if you didnt want sex. Its hers for getting Anger at you at such a small thing. Lets talk.', 'I know how you feel, being swamped with debt and bills. I want you to know that they will go away. It just requires time to pay them off. Set up a fund, and Attention Deficit Disorder money to it every paycheck. You can raise money for them. And if you do decide to end, know that people will miss you. You might feel Hyperactive behavior they wont, but they will. Trust me. Do you want to talk?', 'Hopefully she is okay.', 'Nice. Go for it lol!', 'You need to get a plan together. You can do it dude. See if you find a shelter (yea I know, eww) and love there. Look for jobs, find something motivating! I know its hard, but youll get through it. I really hope you find a job and finish college!', 'Huh. Dont do it. Message me, and we can talk. Please dont even think about this. I want you to live. Please. Its not worth it in the long run. Please.', 'You fucking faggot.', 'Everyone has one. I can be your friend. I really hope you think twice. I havent hung with friends in a month, and that was because i had to study. Before that study session, i was on i a year long stretch with no friends hung out with. I stayed inside everyday. I dont even remember having no one to talk too. I made a friend earlier that year, and he helped me greatly. We talked, and he helped me so much. Just by talking with him about my problems.', 'Thank you. I hope he found peace.', 'Not going to tell you too much. Its not about me losing the right to die, its more of me losing my will. ', 'What?', 'Im not calling you that. Im trying to help you. Talk with me. Whats going on.', 'Could I possibly follow you in Tumblr?', 'From what Ive read, you didnt explain your reasons other than your mother taking money to help you. Could you explain more please.', 'Youre welcome. I am happy you are okay. Please dont do this again. I know that you were not thinking correctly. Thank you for responding. Best of luck with the marriage, and i hope everything works out. Feel free to post again if you ever need help, but i really hope you dont if you catch my drift :)-Allen', 'A shower can be anything that makes you feel happy. Friends, family or anything. Find something that you love and embrace it.', 'I can mostly relate. Theres a reason I subbed here. Yea. I had potential. Hopefully I still do. Fucked up greatly in my educational early years. We both seem the same. Potential, and we know things. Im horrible at math, and Im lazy, so that adds in to my situation. But lets talk. Whats your name? Im Al.', 'Pets always help, in times of being alone. What type of job do you have?', 'Checks on the first two. Lost interest in games. Stopped caring a while back ago about things and what people think. I could read this book. I could do that. But instead I procrastinate, and not do anything.:(', 'Please dont. Find something else to do. I know you can, find motivation. Please.', 'Haha, Im not one of those. Im lazy. I procrastinate. Really fucked me up. My memories is somewhat bleh, but still good. Im the guy that would hate you haha. I spent two days Wakefulness, working on my final research paper and only got a C, when this one kid got a A and wrote it literally the day before. ', 'Youre missing step 3.1.Instantly regretting it. Dont do anything Hyperactive behavior this. Pursue a goal, and find a friend who you can lean on and talk with. Its not easy to fix problems, but with a friend its Hyperactive behavior having it all fixed for you.', 'Im here. Whats up?', 'Ok........', 'Nice. Hopefully youre gunna make some fat stacks, buy a nice car and spend your days on reddit :)So, what are you going to do when you find a job?', 'You have 17 minutes. I hope you change your mind. Talk with me friend.', 'Thank you. Message me, we can talk more if you want too.-Allen', 'Why? Lets talk.', 'Retail? Why not move jobs? Whats up with your GF?', 'You werent. You merely helped her chose. With out you, she could of given birth to the child. You helped save a kid from living a bad life in a poor environment. Were humans. Of course this shit will eat at us. Dont Anxiety.', 'No. ', 'Yea, I feel you.Ive been going to Hypersomnia at 12-1AM every night for about seven months. I too feel Exhaustion and just incapable of doing shit. What in specific is bothering you? If you would Hyperactive behavior to feel more secure, we can PM each other.', 'Take the gun. Unload the bullet and out the gun down.Lets talk. Tell me whats going on.Edit: I looked at your profile and it seemed you were drunk when you posted this. Thats not the answer. Lets talk.', 'Hello Pages. Im Allen. Lets talk. Please, please, please go to the nearest bathroom and throw up. Its never worth it. Lets talk. But please, please throw up. Again, lets talk. What lead up to this?', 'Okay. So you have problems in your Schizophrenia, Childhood and right now. I understand stand. I understand why you feel how you feel. I just want to tell you this. Im not a great talker, but if you want someone to be your rock and just talk with, I can be that person.', 'I see. Wanna talk more about it?', 'To be honest, I had the same thing happen to me.This year. I know how you feel. You can do it. Please, dont try anything. I want you to do this. Listen to your favorite music, go outside and see what life has to offer. Get a job. Buy that thing you wanted..just dont kill your self.Please, Im not a good counsel person but I am begging you.Think twice.-Allen.', 'Wanna have a chat? It seems youre venting out. I do that also sometimes. I really hope C is okay. M for me got Leukemia, Myelocytic, Acute when I was young. Devastating, but she survived. Hopefully C will also, with any type of cancer. Your children seem nice. How old are they?Ill be here. Feel free to reply.', 'Not yet. Still no response :(', 'I know how you feel. I completely screwed over my GPA. I rarely did work. It might be Hyperactive behavior waking up in the morning. You are Exhaustion and cant do anything. You take a shower and boom, youre Wakefulness and ready. You just need to find your shower.', 'Hey okay. It seems no one wants to talk. I will though. Whats up?', 'Oh I see. I honestly cant think of anything to say. All I can say is that you need to try and find a way. Suicide seems Hyperactive behavior a good choice at the time, but look at the long run.', 'Yea, I am here. Whats up?', 'No.', 'Please dont do it.Please, things will get better. Find a god if you must.Please, Im begging you.', 'Hey man. Im Allen.Wanna talk?', 'Fuck her. Listen. Call a better one? Or talk to us :3 were here for you.What up?', 'Hold on, lets talk. Whats up?', 'Im great at procrastination also. Completely fucked over two years in school, barley made it through. I know its hard, but seriously. Youll find something to love for. Something has to spark a light in your heart to live. Why not go into a relationship, and find true love? Why not get loving pet? You can do so many things to fixyour problems. You just have to act.', 'Just knowing Ill never see those certain people ever again. The ones I love.Im better now. This was some late night posting I did.', 'Message me, tell me everything. Ill try to help :)', 'Friend, I was busy and can only be here now. Five hours later. I feel Hyperactive behavior a piece of shit. I am so sorry. I hope you are still here. Forgive me.', 'Hows life? What bothering you?Ill try to respond ASAP, but Im leaving fairly soon. Dont Anxiety if I dont reply for a couple of hours.', 'Find out as much personal info as you can.	2	Ideation
i have a friend exactly Hyperactive behavior you. i miss talking to her :/ but all i can say is stay on this earth no matter how much it kills you because your kids need there mom in there lives. As for your marrige. the damage is done. all i can say is try and work on that still. but mostly are your kids', 'your already getting better. your getting the fear of what you were becoming and realized it so now your going to in a way help youself but im happy your going to try and get better :). i know this comment seems retarded or something but i used to think Hyperactive behavior you. with tje ex gf part. that you were going to take what is yours. that totally used to be me. i wish you the best of luck good sir. try to hang around a while and see how much you grow :)	1	Indicator